Synopsis:

A transfer student discovers his new high school's scholarship program and its unusual rules. Warning the Explicit Content rating is due a violent sexual assault scene. It is not erotic nor is it intended to be.

Note: This story was originally written and posted in 34 parts over two months in the spring of 2003. This version has been revised, edited, and had substantial additions to the 2003 version.

Story:

The Scholarship
By Julie O.

Part 1 of 3

Preface

When I first started writing this tale, I was hoping to write a simple short story. Obviously it grew into something much larger and more complex. I want to thank everyone who assisted in the writing and editing of this story. I would list all your names, but I'd be afraid that I'd leave someone out. Just let me say that I have appreciated all the advice and constructive criticism in regards to this story.

Thank you,
Julie O.

Chapter One

Hi, I really don't know how to start this. My friends and family recommend that I put this all down on paper, so I've put this together based on my journals and memories.

Please be patient with me.

I've decided to focus on my senior year at Central High School. It seems appropriate, as it was the year in which my entire life turned around. 2002 would become be a very monumental year for me.

At the time my name was Eric Alexander Walters, age 17. I was 5'-10" and weighed around 140 lbs.; yes, I was a stick, a stick with shoulder length light brown hair. Entering my senior year of high school I could be best described as a pretty good student, well liked, and a first-class runner; I was, to all appearances, a normal, average, teenage boy.

I can still remember when I registered at my new high school. Looking back, it started me on a path that I would have never thought possible.

Mom and I had just moved into this little town. We had been living in San Diego, but the job market forced us to relocate. Mom got a great job offer that was too good to pass up. She would now be in management, and the money was tremendous compared to what she'd earned before.

The problem was that we had to move to a town called Golden Hill, located in the middle of Pennsylvania. The computer program company that had hired my mom had selected it for their new headquarters, just because it was so "quaint." I had looked at the map and found that it was located perfectly, so that it was an equal distance away from anywhere interesting. There was a small liberal arts college nearby, but not much else. I tried to be upbeat and supportive, but it was difficult. I was about to enter my senior year in school, and now I would be the outsider.

Like I said, I tried to be supportive of the move, even though I dreaded it. My mom's happiness was important to me. She had raised me as a single mother. I never knew my father, and she never said much about him. Mom always was there for me, and I never felt like I was missing anything. The move, however, was hard for me to accept. I had hoped, up to the minute that the movers arrived, that a miracle would occur and we wouldn't have to leave San Diego.

I guess I should explain a few more things concerning the move. I mentioned earlier that I was an average student. Actually I was slightly better than average, but not good enough to get an academic scholarship. I was also a good athlete, but again, not spectacular enough to earn a scholarship. While we were never wanting, there was never any extra money to put away for college. Something always seemed to come up whenever we got a little bit ahead.

I desperately wanted to go to college. But considering our money situation, I had resigned myself to working part-time and attending community college. I had often dreamed of some miracle happening that would solve all our money problems.

Mom was very frustrated with her inability to help me. She really wanted to me make something with my life, which led to her taking the job in Golden Hill. That's what made the move even more frustrating for me. I was leaving my life behind, at the same time I knew that Mom was doing this for me. I also realized that she was also going to be experiencing a whole new life.

The drive itself excited me, giving me a chance to see the country. We crossed the landscape in a roundabout route, which gave us a chance to talk about the new job, new town, and new school. She told me that our new house was really nice. She had already rented a house in one of the newer developments.

Our neighbor, Terri Hawkins, was one of her future co-workers, and they had hit it off from the start. Terri was divorced and had a daughter my age named Caitlin. Terri sent us a lot of stuff on the town and the school. I had even traded a few e-mails with Cat, and she told me to call her. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad after all, I thought.

Terri and Cat helped us get settled in our new home. In some magical way Cat and I instantly became friends. I guess I should tell a little about her. Cat was a little taller and at the time she kept her long brown hair in a ponytail. She was very athletic, but you wouldn't consider her a "tomboy." She loved dressing up and usually wore long skirts that seemed to flow down her long legs. And her personality! She had the same warped sense of humor that I have. I guess I fell in love with her the minute we met; however, it took me several months to tell her. Sorry, I am getting ahead of myself.

Anyway, back to the story.

Our first night in town, we ate dinner with the Hawkins. Terri told us that I would need to register for high school and Cat volunteered to take me over there in the morning. Terri then asked my mom if I was going to enter the Senior Scholarship competition. Cat smiled at me and said that I definitely should, that it was worth competing for. I asked her if she was going to apply and both Cat and Terri laughed. Terri told me that it was only open to boys.

I was thinking about how they never would allow such a thing back in California, when my mom asked Terri about the contest. It turns out that the winner would get a fully paid four-year scholarship at the college of their choice; additionally, they would get a monthly stipend to pay for living expenses. It sounded too good to be true!

"So, what do I have to do to win this?" I asked, as I took a sip from my soda.

Terri looked at Cat and smiled. "Why don't you tell him, dear?"

"It is a simple competition that starts on the first day of school. It's a contest of elimination. You're in it until you either quit or violate a rule. The last one wins," explained Cat.

"The last one wins? By doing what?" I asked. I sensed that it was something difficult.

"You dress and act as a girl, twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Everything from the tip of your head to your painted toenails," answered Cat. "I hope you enter. I know that, with my help, you'll win!"

"That's not exactly true, Eric. You won't just dress as a girl, you'll be treated as a girl too," added Terri.

I sat there unable to speak. I was hoping this was joke. I looked at Terri and could tell she was serious. Cat got up and brought back an application package and handed it to me. I opened it up and looked at the pamphlet. Sure enough, the rules required the competitors to dress completely as a female. Applicants were also to have a female name and take courses appropriate for their gender. Each applicant was encouraged to go out for extra-curricular activities, or to get a job, in their new gender.

"They have been doing this here for the past seventeen years. The woman who started it was married to the president of Dewey College. She had inherited a huge amount of money and decided that she would put it all into a scholarship program. She offered it as a way of teaching gender equality. It is now considered an honor to win it. When it first started, the competition only lasted three weeks. Last year, it ended just before the winter holiday break," explained Cat.

"What happens if the school year ends before someone wins?" asked Mom.

"Well, that hasn't happened yet, but the rules say that all those still in the competition would get a scholarship," noted Terri.

"Last year, there were nearly forty entries at the start, and there should be about the same this year," added Cat.

I was still reading the rules. During the contest, all competitors would be officially considered female, in all aspects of their lives. I showed this to Terri and Cat

"What exactly does this mean?" I asked, as I pointed to the paragraph in question.

"It means, among other things, that you would be fair game when it came to dating. No one would consider it immoral or gay when you dated, as long as you were dating a boy. Almost everyone around here just accepts the scholarship contestants as girls," explained Terri, "not just at school, but all over town."

"Everybody? I wouldn't consider it normal," I mumbled.

"It's considered part of the competition, Eric. First, you don't have to date. If you want to date, then it's cool. Second, it's just a date; you don't have to kiss or anything like that. Think of it as gaining a new view of world," continued Terri.

I nodded as I absorbed what she was saying.

"Come on, Erika, it would be so much fun. I would help you!" chided Cat, "Besides, I think that you'd look really cute."

I glared back at her for the "Erika" crack. I looked at my mom, and she was looking intently at the pamphlet with Terri.

I wasn't sure if she was serious or not. Part of me still thought this was a joke that was being played at my expense. But, if it was a joke, then it was pretty well played. The form looked very official.

"Well, at least think about it. They will explain it to you again tomorrow at school when you register," replied Cat.

When we got home, Mom asked me if I wanted to talk about the scholarship. I shrugged my shoulders and tried to give the impression that I didn't care one way or another. We sat down at the kitchen table.

She asked me what I thought about the idea. I looked at her and stated. "I don't want you to think I'm gay."

She smiled and reached over and hugged me. "Honey, doing this has nothing to do with your sexual orientation. There are straight people who dress in the clothing of the opposite sex just as there are gays who don't. And I'll always love you, no matter what you do."

I sat there for a minute trying to think of something to say. It's funny, but even now I can still remember those same feelings of denial that I did back then.

"You know that this is a great opportunity for you," she continued. "I know how badly you want you want to go to college. You know that our finances aren't great; we had to move here because I couldn't afford to turn down the job. Sometimes, you have to do something you don't want to. And sometimes, it turns out for the best."

I thought about the sacrifices that she had made over the years for me. Would it really be that bad to dress as a girl for a few weeks? If I won then she wouldn't have to worry about paying for college. I also thought about Cat. She really seemed to want me to enter, and maybe this would allow me to get closer to her.

"Even with my new salary, it will very difficult to pay for college," explained Mom.

She didn't have to go into detail. The move had been expensive.

"I want to think about this before I make my decision," I replied softly.

"I also want you to know that I knew nothing about this scholarship contest," continued Mom.

I nodded again. I knew that she was telling me the truth, as she had never lied to me. There were things she wouldn't tell me, especially relating to my father, but she never lied to me.

Mom leaned over and gave me a kiss. "You know, Cat is right! You could make a very pretty girl!"

I laughed in spite of myself.

I had a very restless night. I tossed and turned, thinking about my life, the scholarship, and what I would have to do to win it.

Chapter Two

At breakfast Mom asked me if I had made up my mind. "Honey, any decision you make, I will fully support you."

"Thanks, Mom." I paused for a second. "You'll have to promise not to laugh at me when I'm in a dress."

She smiled. "Just remember, I'll be laughing with you and not at you!"

Mom gave me a hug and told me she would be there for me. She then looked at her watch and told me that we could talk more at dinner. "I really appreciate you doing this, dear!"

"I know how much you've sacrificed for me and I want you to know that I'm not ungrateful," I said.

"I know that, honey," she replied.

"Still, this contest is going to be expensive, can we afford it?" I asked.

"I think so. I look at the costs as an investment," stated Mom. She then glanced again at her watch. "Well, I need to get going. Don't want to be late my first day at work."

As I watched her drive away, I saw Cat walking towards our home. She came up to the screen door and called in. "Good Morning!"

"Hi, Cat! Door's unlocked, come on in. You want some orange juice?" I asked.

"Sounds good," she replied, as she sat down at the table.

"What time do we need to be at the school?" I poured a glass of juice, and handed it to her.

"We should leave soon. It will take a couple of hours to complete the check-in process," she explained, "longer, if you decide to go for the scholarship."

I looked at her and she was smiling at me.

"Well? Are going to do it?" she asked. "Come on, it'll fun!"

"I'll do it. I figure that it's the least I can do for my mom," I answered.

Cat leaned over and gave me huge hug, "Oh, Erika, we're going to have so much fun winning this!"

"So, when do I have to start dressing like a girl?" I asked.

"First off, you won't be just dressing as a girl; remember you'll be living as a girl, at least until the last competitor drops out," she explained. "School starts in two weeks. Officially, you don't have to change until then, but many of those who are entering have already started, so that they are more used to doing their makeup and hair."

"Oh, I forgot about all that. I guess it would make sense," I remarked. The full impact of what I was about to do began to sink in.

"Don't worry, Erika, between our moms and I, we'll whip you into shape in no time! You might not want to change back!" exclaimed Cat enthusiastically.

I picked up a dishtowel and threw it at her.

As we walked to the school, Cat went over a list of everything we had to do. She used her cell phone to make an appointment at her hair stylist.

"You're in luck, Erika, they can get you in this afternoon. Fortunately, your hair is long so you won't be stuck wearing a wig," she stated, as she ran her hand through my hair. "Wow, you have really nice hair. I'm glad to see that you've taken care of it."

"This afternoon?" I moaned. I was hoping to delay the inevitable.

"Hey, you might as well start today. Besides, it's rare to get an appointment with them at such short notice. There aren't that many good salons in town," she explained. "This isn't California."

I ignored the easy cheap shot reply.

Cat continued with her list. She told me that, once I registered for the scholarship, they would give me a discount card. This could be used at most stores in the area and it would save me lots of money when buying my new wardrobe. I really wondered what I getting into. It was like I had entered a river and the current had grabbed me. I no longer was in control of my destiny.

We arrived at the school and went into the main office where I was given a stack of forms to fill out. A secretary confirmed that my transcripts had been received and everything looked good.

As I worked on the forms, Cat excused herself and left. Twenty minutes later, she returned and introduced me to one of the counselors, a Ms. Bell. She looked like to be in her mid-thirties and was very attractive with short brown hair, blue eyes, and a very nice smile. I liked her immediately.

She greeted me in a friendly manner. "Well, Erika, it's a pleasure to meet you. Cat has told me that you are going to try for the scholarship. I think you have an excellent chance of winning."

I started to blush. "Thank you, Ms. Bell. I'm sorry, I'm just not used to being called Erika yet."

She smiled at me. "It'll take a little time, but you'll adjust. I can always spot the ones who have a real shot at winning."

"How many are in this year's contest, Ms. B?" asked Cat.

"With your friend Erika, that brings the total up to forty-two, our biggest class ever!" she stated. "But don't worry, half will be out before the end of the first week of school. When they get finished with you up here, come by my office and we'll get you registered."

"Thanks, Ms. Bell," I replied.

Ms. Bell and Cat walked back to her office

I went back to filling out the paperwork. There were several forms that I had to read and sign. One was for computer use and privacy. Then there was a human rights statement that stated the punishment for various forms of harassment and bullying. I noticed that gender, or perceived gender, was specifically protected. Reading that made me feel a little better.

Cat returned as I was finishing the last form. "What do you think about Ms. B?"

"I like her; she seems pretty cool," I replied, looking up from my stack of paperwork.

Cat nodded in agreement. "She is. She's the perfect person to run the competition!"

We walked down to Ms. Bell's office. She had another set of forms for me to fill out and sign. Additionally, she gave a rulebook. It contained the entire dos, don'ts, and requirements for the competition. She told me that each year the book was revised to include any loopholes and to account for changes in fashion, as well as for any problems that had arisen in the previous year. I was told to read it completely. She told me that many people got disqualified for not knowing the rules, and that ignorance of the rules was no excuse.

She told me to take my application up to the front office and that she'd be back there in a few minutes.

"They really cover everything in this book," I commented "There're sections on grooming, dressing, makeup, behavior, and even dating. You're right, Cat. I just don't think that I can go on a date with a guy."

Cat smiled. "Hey, look at it as a chance to see life from a different angle."

I ignored Cat and read more about the rules. The only person I wanted to date was sitting next to me, and she wanted to see me in a skirt! I found that I could be inspected at anytime during the school day for clothing violations. They even checked underwear. I then read something that made me shake my head in disbelief.

"They can't be serious!" I exclaimed, showing the passage to Cat.

"They want you to experience life as a girl and that is something we have to deal with," answered Cat with a smile. "Be thankful they don't make you use a tampon."

The passage stated that for three days a month I would have to wear sanitary pads.

"So, would they inspect to see if I was wearing one?" I asked Cat.

Ms. B walked back in and spoke. "Yes, that's right, Erika, and each time we do that we disqualify several contestants."

She handed me a piece of paper. It was my new class schedule. Most of my classes were pretty standard. She has put me in the same homeroom as Cat. I then saw that I was enrolled in Home Economics.

Ms. B must have been reading my mind, "Don't worry too much about Home Econ. It may seem a bit sexist, but the district still requires it. The alternative was to put you in the Child Development class."

"I'll stick with Home Economics, thank you," I replied.

"Now, if the competition goes into the second semester, you'll have to take another elective. But hopefully we'll have a winner by then," she explained. "For PE, you and the other 'scholarship girls' will be in the regular girls class. You'll have a different locker room, of course."

Before we left her office, she handed me my temporary school ID and my discount card. Both had my new name of Erika Walters printed on them. I stared at them with a sense of disbelief. Was this really happening?

The rest of the morning was spent getting a tour of the school. It was much smaller than my old school, but it seemed okay. There were two bathrooms that were designated for use by the "scholarship girls." It was one of the few restrictions that separated us from the regular girls. The last thing we did was to stop by the textbook room to pick up my books.

It seemed weird signing my name as Erika Walters.

Chapter Three

We dropped the books off at my house. Cat said she would treat me to lunch downtown but she had to pick something up at her house first. I waited out front and she came out with a gym bag. I didn't ask, but I figured that it contained my wardrobe for after I had my hair styled.

We ate in a small restaurant near the salon. I had many questions and Cat was very willing to answer them.

"I know that I'll be safe in school, but what about the kids who don't go to our school. They have to know all about the competition," I asked as I took a bite of my salad. Cat felt that I needed to lose a few pounds.

"Don't worry. The guys at our school take a special pride in protecting the scholarship girls. Initially, they were forced to do it," reassured Cat.

"How? Were they forced?" I asked with a smirk.

"Sort of. They were told that, if they wanted dates, they'd better ensure that the girls in the competition weren't harmed," she explained. "But now they do it without the blackmail. In my freshman year, a couple of 'girls' got beat up by a group of guys from Red Hill High. Then it got pretty nasty. Almost our entire football team went up there and pounded them. That put an end to that."

I just shook my head. "It's kind of funny, but everyone seems to think that California is so weird; you guys have them beat by a long shot."

For the rest of lunch Cat asked all kind of questions about California. We joked about driving out there after graduation. She looked at her watch and told me it was almost time.

The salon staff was waiting for us. They did their best to make me feel at ease. I was told that they had helped many make the transformation before me.

Cat told them to give me the works. They asked for my discount card. I was tempted to ask if any boy not in the competition every tried to get a discount on leg waxing, but I decided not to.

They had me go into a dressing room and strip down and put on a robe. This was for my comfort and also made their job easier

Waxing my legs came first. I didn't have a lot of hair on my legs, but it had to go. The woman doing the treatment explained to me how much better waxing was than shaving or hair removal creams. The hair that grew back would be softer and less coarse than if I shaved. The process actually sounded worse than it felt. I was amazed at how soft my legs felt after the waxing. I couldn't keep from touching them, they felt so sensitive. She examined my back, chest, and arms and saw that I was almost hairless. The only areas I'd have to shave would be my underarms and face.

She asked me how often I shaved my beard. I hold her once every week, sometimes longer. She smiled and said that I'd appreciate that in the coming weeks. She gave me a moisturizer that she said would slow down my beard growth even more.

Next came my hair. My natural color was basic brown. Karen, the stylist, decided to lighten it a bit. She was pleased with the length of my hair; it gave her a lot of options.

The smell from the dye was pretty bad, and it had to stay on my head for thirty minutes. While I was sitting there, the manicurist came in and started on my nails. Luckily, she decided to keep them short. She said that I would need time to adjust before going for long ones. She worked on my cuticles and cleaned up the ends. She selected a light pink for the color. With flawless timing she finished just as my hair was due to be rinsed.

As my hair was cut and styled, I just sat there soaking it all in. The manicurist returned to give me a pedicure. Before today, the longest I had been in a barbershop was twenty minutes. I was kind of getting into the whole "being pampered" mode. Karen also waxed and shaped my eyebrows, making them much more feminine.

Karen wouldn't let me see the final style just yet. She wanted to do my makeup first. As she worked, she explained what she was doing and why. She told me not to worry, as I could always come back and get a refresher course. Karen went on to tell me that the salon loved getting girls like me there.

When she finished, she stepped back and took a look. She asked me if I wanted my ears pierced. I figured why not, considering everything else that had happened in the past 24 hours. In a few short minutes, I had a gold stud in each ear.

Karen then turned me around to see myself. I was shocked when I looked in the mirror. I saw a really pretty girl looking back at me. She had light reddish brown hair in a short feminine style.

"I love the look on their face when they first see themselves!" exclaimed Karen. "Now hold still, Erika, I need to take a photo."

I wasn't going anywhere. I was mesmerized by my feminine image. Maybe I could pull this off. I saw Cat walk in behind me and she too was blown away by my appearance.

"Wow, Erika, you're beautiful!" she exclaimed. "Come on, I'll help you get dressed. We've got some shopping to do!"

She had laid out an outfit for me, consisting of a bra, panties, short denim skirt, sleeveless green t-shirt, and sandals. She also put a silver chain around my neck and a silver ring on my right hand. As I got dressed, she handed me a box. Inside were two silicone breast forms.

"Just slip them in your bra," she explained. "They're B cups. If you decide to continue running or get into any other sport, you won't want anything bigger."

It was strange hearing Cat, or anyone for that matter, refer to MY bra!

"When did you get this outfit for me? We're not the same size," I asked.

"I had a hunch that I could talk you into the participating in the competition. I guessed your sizes from the photos you sent me," explained Cat.

When I stepped out of the dressing room, I felt a little silly. I was shocked to see the entire staff of the salon waiting for me. They all applauded me as I walked out. I felt my face getting warm. They had me pose for a few more shots. On the way out, I noticed a board above the receptionist. It had the photos of other teenage girls. It was their gallery of the past eight years of helping boys becomes girls. I noticed that three of the photos were marked with a gold star. They said that these were past winners of the scholarship. I felt strangely honored as they put my photo on the board. Before we left, they handed me a bag of makeup, moisturizers, shampoo, and conditioner. They said that it was their gift to a new client.

"Come on, girlfriend, we've got some shopping to do!" said Cat, as she led me out of the salon. "By the way, you look pretty cute when you blush!"

Chapter Four

I was stunned by the amount of stuff I had to buy. I don't know what I would have done without Cat's help. She knew all the best places to shop and was determined to make sure I had everything I needed. We ended up at Target, with Cat handing me one outfit after another.

I still was getting used to seeing myself after our visit to the local salon. I actually looked pretty good as a girl, but it still felt strange. I looked at my new hairstyle and color and wondered what my friends back in San Diego would say; well, maybe I didn't want to know that! I also found that having smooth legs took a bit of getting used to! I think the strangest aspect was that everyone I had come in contact with was totally accepting. The saleswomen in the stores we had stopped in earlier couldn't wait to help me.

As I was trying on another skirt, I thought about everything that we had bought that afternoon. First there was the makeup. I think that that was the most intimidating thing that I needed to learn. Cat promised me that in two or three weeks I would be an expert, but I thought she was optimistic. We also picked up soap, deodorant, and some other toiletries.

Then we made a stop at the shoe store. Luckily, I have small feet, so getting shoes wasn't a problem. I was amazed at how many pairs of shoes Cat said that I would need. I was used to wearing sandals in the summer and sneakers in the winter. I now had to worry about coordinating the shoes with the clothes. I ended up getting twelve pairs of shoes. Cat said that this would be a good start.

We stopped at several clothing stores. The first stop was a bit embarrassing, as we had to get my underwear. I never realized that buying a bra was so complicated. The woman in the store measured me and told me that a poorly fitted bra would feel very uncomfortable by the end of the day. I ended up getting six regular bras and two sports bras for PE. She said that I could always come back if I needed more. She also provided me with another pair of silicone breast pads. She said it was their gift to all contestants. Cat then helped me pick out several pairs of panties, pantyhose, and tights. The last items we bought were the most important. I had to buy several gaffs. They were like really tight thongs and were used to hide my male organs. They weren't very comfortable, but the saleswoman told me that I would get used to them.

Then there were the accessories. I was beginning to have a greater understanding and appreciation of what women had to go through. I needed a purse, wallet, jewelry, belts, a watch, and countless other things. Luckily I was getting a discount for all the stuff I was buying.

"You know, Cat, even if I win this competition I may be losing money" I quipped. "I can't believe all the stuff we have bought today!"

She popped her head in the dressing room. "Don't forget that in a few weeks you'll need a whole new wardrobe," she smiled. "Turn around, I want to see the back."

I turned around to show her the back of the skirt. "Why will I need a new wardrobe?"

"In case you've forgotten, you're not in sunny California anymore. We get all four seasons here and that means lots of clothes. The skirt looks good. You change and I'll meet you at the checkout," replied Cat.

She was right. I had totally forgotten about the change in seasons. I felt pretty stupid. I pulled my skirt up, grabbed the remaining clothes, and headed to the checkout. As I walked over to Cat, I noticed she was talking to another girl.

Cat introduced me to the pretty blonde. "Erika, come here, I want you to meet someone. Kristen, this is Erika."

"Hi, Erika. I think it's so cool that you are in the competition," Kristen stated.

"It's nice to meet you, too," I replied. I still felt shy and self- conscious about my new appearance.

"Cat told me you're from California. That's so cool. I've always wanted to go there. Actually, I want to go anywhere! You'll have to tell me all about it sometime," Kristen replied.

I nodded. "Sure, anytime."

"Great! Well, I'll see you two around. I have to get to practice. Bye!" she stated.

We watched her walk away. Cat turned to me and smiled. "Kristen is the head cheerleader. But don't hold that against her, she's pretty normal!"

"I can't get over how accepting everyone is about the way I'm dressed," I stated, almost in a state of disbelief.

"Well, we've known about the competition our whole lives. It's just something that has always been there. Now, I guess that we'd better go back to your house. I'll help you set up your room," explained Cat.

Chapter Five

We got back to my house around 5:00. Cat wanted to set up my bathroom as her first priority. Fortunately, my bedroom came with its own bathroom, so at least I had some privacy. Cat told me that she would come over early and help me with my makeup, but that I should practice on my own. She was showing me some tricks when I heard my Mom come in.

"Erika, I'm home. Are you up in your room?" yelled Mom.

"Yes, Mom, I'll be right down," I replied nervously. I sat down on my bed and stared at myself in the mirror. I was trembling slightly.

"You okay? You look worried," asked Cat, as she sat down next to me.

"I'm so nervous! I'm wondering if I'm doing the right thing. This all seems so strange," I replied.

"Come on, this won't exactly be a shock; you did tell her that you were entering the competition," she continued.

"Yes, I did. But I didn't know that I would be looking like this today," I answered.

Cat nodded. "Well, unless you plan on staying up here for the next two weeks, you might as well let her see you now. Besides, you look great, Erika!"

"Here goes nothing," I mumbled softly.

We walked downstairs and found her in the kitchen. "Hi, Mom."

She turned around and stood there in silence. A huge smile slowly formed on her face. "Oh, Honey! You look lovely. I just didn't expect you to change so quickly. But I must admit that you look great. Cat, I assume that you helped her. Thank you, so much."

I noticed that Mom was using female pronouns while referring to me.

"Thanks, Ms. Walters. I enjoyed helping her," answered Cat.

"Well, I was going to cook dinner, but I think that this calls for a little celebration. Cat, would you go ask your Mom to join us?" asked Mom.

"Sure, I'm sure that she's anxious to meet Erika. I'll be right back," announced Cat, as she walked out the front door.

Mom walked over to me and gave me a big hug, "I know that you are making a huge sacrifice, and I really appreciate what you are doing. Now, go grab your purse and we'll meet Terri and Cat outside."

That was something I'd never thought Mom would tell me! It felt a bit strange as I grabbed MY purse. We walked over to Cat's house together. I still found it odd walking in a skirt. Luckily, I was in sandals, so I didn't have to deal with heels too. As we waited for Terri and Cat, I felt a bit edgy. Maybe because I was afraid of being ridiculed. I wasn't exactly sure.

"Oh, my! Cat, you were right. Erika, you look fantastic!" exclaimed Terri loudly.

I was sure that the whole neighborhood heard her. "Thank you," I replied in a soft voice.

"I see that you're still a bit shy. Well, that will wear off as you get used to your new appearance," answered Terri as she gave me a hug.

We went to a local pizza place called Guido's. I was positive that everyone was staring at me. I was getting second, or was it third, doubts about doing this. However, after a few minutes I loosened up a bit. I began to accept, however slightly, that this was going to be my life for the new few months. Maybe this year's group of contestants would all wimp out and I could go back to being Eric again.

As we finished eating, I noticed a group of boys walk in. They were all wearing Central High Football t-shirts. I was hoping they wouldn't notice us. Unfortunately, I saw one get up from their table and walk over towards us. He was tall, muscular, and had short brown hair.

"Hey, Cat, did you have a good summer?" greeted the tall boy.

"Hi, Alex. I sure did, too bad it's almost over," replied Cat.

"Hello, Alex," said Terri.

"Oh, hi Aunt Terri, I didn't mean to be rude," he apologized.

"Alex, these are our new neighbors, this is Ms. Walters her daughter Erika," introduced Cat. "Alex is our star quarterback!"

He looked and me and smiled. "I'm pleased to meet both of you. So, you just moved here? Cool! So where did you live before moving to Golden Hill?"

"We lived in San Diego, my mom got a job at the computer company," I replied, hoping my voice didn't sound too masculine.

"Erika is going to be in our class this year," announced Cat.

"That's cool. Before you leave, why don't you stop over at our table and I'll introduce you the guys?" he offered

"That's a great idea, Alex, thanks," replied Cat, before I had a chance to answer.

He walked back to his table. "He's a good kid," added Terri.

Cat told us that Alex was the son of Terri's sister. She said that, even though he was the same age, she always thought of him as her older brother and that he was very protective of her. I told her she was lucky. I was also a bit relived that they were related. I knew that, even before I started wearing a skirt, I couldn't compete with Alex.

Cat took me over to meet Alex's teammates. I had hoped she'd forgotten. The last thing I wanted to do was to meet six football players while I was dressed like a girl. But Cat insisted.

"Everything will be cool, I promise!" she whispered to me. "Wait, before we go over there you need to reapply your lipstick."

I nodded and reached into my purse for my compact and lipstick. I nervously reapplied my lipstick, under the critical eyes of Mom, Terri, and Cat.

Cat nodded her approval and took me by the hand. "Good job! Now, let me introduce you to the guys."

Cat was right; the guys were all friendly and treated me like I was a new girl on campus. I wasn't sure, but I thought that a couple of them were checking me out. That was another new experience.

On the drive home, Cat told me that I had made some very good connections today. Between Kristen and Alex, I had met two of the upper echelon of the school, and they could have a huge impact on how others accepted me.

The next two weeks flew by. It was pretty much a blur. Cat, Terri, and Mom put me through a crash course on how to be a girl. They were very strict and critical on all aspects of my life. To put it bluntly, they made my every waking hour a living hell. I got a little short tempered at times, but I knew that they were doing this for my own good. The good thing about my lessons was that it took my mind off the first day of school.

I gradually got better with my makeup. I was very pleased with myself when I passed their inspection for the first time.

The only time that I dressed as Eric was when I went to the DMV to get my Pennsylvania driver's license. I wore a pair of jeans, t-shirt, and sandals. Cat used some hair gel to make my hairstyle look somewhat masculine. I also took out my earrings. Even with my hair slicked down, I still looked like a girl in my license photo.

While I was far from feeling completely comfortable, I was becoming more used to my new identity. Actually that wasn't a true statement, I was starting to feel comfortable with my ability to pass as Erika. I shrugged this off, and tried to convince myself that the reason I felt this way was because I was new in the area. I knew I could never have done something like this at my old school.

Mom invited Cat and Terri over for dinner on the night before school started. I had always helped my mom in the kitchen, but now she had me do more than just prepare the salad or wash the dishes. She began to teach me how to cook; she told me this would make going to Home Econ easier. I had a feeling that she was just enjoying the fact that she now had a daughter instead of a son.

During dinner, Cat told me that I would have to check in with Ms. B first thing tomorrow morning. Then we'd go to homeroom and then there would be an assembly to start the school year.

"Erika, I know you are nervous, but you'll do fine. Just try to relax," reassured Cat.

"Isn't that the same speech that they gave the Christians before they sent them out to the lions?" I answered with a smile.

"Once you get through the first day, the rest will be much easier," added Terri.

Chapter Six

I barely slept that night. I watched the minutes tick by on my clock. It was bad enough that I was the new kid in a strange school. But the added "difficulty points" of being Erika made it even more stressful.

I woke up to the sound of Mom's voice. "Honey, you need to get up, today's a big day."

I got up and showered. I dried and styled my hair. I appreciated the style that the salon had given me. It really made it easier to get ready in the morning. I nervously did my makeup. Thanks to Cat, I was better than average.

I checked out my outfit for the first day of school. One of the restrictions of the contest was that I could only wear pants to school once a week. That was subject to change, once it got cold. Being it was still summer, the chances of a blizzard that day seemed highly unlikely! I selected a green skirt and a floral top. I was going to wear sandals as much as I could, although I knew that I would eventually be forced into heels.

Cat had told me that to weed down the number of contestants they would issue short notice challenges. She told me that last year they'd required them to wear high heels for a week straight as well as making them volunteer for a charity fashion show as models. I was to keep my focus on the goal of winning the scholarship and not to sweat the small things.

Mom seemed to approve of my wardrobe choice and helped me with my jewelry. I was still wearing stud earrings since it would be a few weeks until I could wear anything else. I had decided I liked silver jewelry. I'd acquired a few silver rings, and had been wearing them in several combinations. That morning Mom gave me a small package. Inside was a silver chain with a silver dolphin and a matching ring. She helped put it around my neck and I felt warm and happy. It made me feel so much more at ease knowing how much she cared about me.

"You did a good job with your makeup this morning, dear. Just remember to check your lipstick after you eat," reminded Mom.

"Thanks, Mom. I bet you'd never thought you tell me that!" I quipped.

Unfortunately, the closer I got to school, the more my apprehension grew. If Cat hadn't been there, I never would have gone. Several times I was tempted to run back home.

I arrived at Ms. Bell's office and had to wait in line. There were four other "girls" ahead of me. Two looked like boys in dresses, and one hadn't even shaved his legs. They were wearing really cheesy wigs, huge breasts pads, and heavy makeup. I knew that they wouldn't be any competition. The other two looked passable. I had to admit that I looked the best. There was one really tall girl with black hair. She gave me a dirty look as she walked by. I shrugged it off.

The line moved pretty quickly. Ms. Bell was doing an initial inspection and she was being very strict. The two who looked like they were going to a Halloween party were told to go home and change. By the time I was next, there were seven others waiting behind me. I talked to the girl behind me and we instantly became friends. She was calling herself Caroline and, like me, she had entered because it was her only way to afford college. Caroline was a little taller than me and had curly red hair. Caroline's real name was Kevin, and she told me that her dad wasn't all that happy with her entering. We talked until it was my turn to go in.

Ms. Bell was very pleased with my appearance. "Excellent job, Erika! Now I need you to report in once every week. If you need to see me or if you have any problems, you can stop by and make an appointment"

"Thank you, Ms. B, I appreciate it," I answered.

"Erika, I'm a bit concerned about you being in the competition. All the other contestants have been in this school for at least a year. You, on the other hand, are coming here and jumping right into the contest. It may make your adjustment more difficult. So don't hesitate to come in for help, okay?" offered Ms. B.

"I will, Ms. B, thanks again for your concern." I then left and went to my classroom. As I walked out of the office, I noticed that the line to check in was even longer.

I arrived at my homeroom and found that Cat had saved a seat for me. My homeroom teacher was Mr. Grant. He was a math teacher and had actually been a student at Central High ten years earlier. He seemed okay.

"So, how did it go down there?" asked Cat.

"So far, so good. Ms. B already disqualified two guys." I replied. I told her how they were dressed.

"There are always a couple who enter as a goof," explained Cat.

I went on to tell her about Caroline. Cat told me that she had known Caroline since the third grade. Caroline's father was a big time college jock and didn't like the idea of his son dressing as a girl. Cat said that she fully understood why Caroline wanted to get away as quickly as possible.

"He had always figured that Caroline would get an athletic scholarship, but she's more interested in art," she explained. "She could use a friend like you!"

Then the bell rang. Mr. Grant took roll and passed around a seating chart. We had homeroom everyday for 30 minutes; it was a time to take care of administrative needs and it also served as a study hall. Mr. Grant allowed us to socialize as long as we didn't get too loud. I was the only contestant in the class and I was also the only new student. Mr. Grant asked me to introduce myself. Earlier, Cat had told me that there was no need to mention the scholarship. Everyone would know who the contestants were eventually.

I stood up and addressed the class. "Hi, I'm Erika Walters. I just moved here this summer from San Diego, California. This'll be the first winter I've seen snow. We moved here because my mom got hired at the software company. I'll be happy to answer any questions you have."

I was the temporary center of attention as I answered questions. Everyone seemed pretty cool. Then the announcement was made for all students to head to the assembly in the auditorium.

The assembly was the standard "welcome back" pep talk. The upcoming football season was touted as a potential championship season. The cheerleaders were introduced. I watched as Kristen led them out and into their routine. Then, a short Asian woman in a navy blazer and matching skirt walked up to the mike. She was the principal and her name was Mrs. Lee. Cat whispered that she was nice, as long was you didn't break any rules.

"Never, ever, underestimate her! Mrs. Lee may be short, but doesn't take crap from anyone," whispered Cat.

She talked about grades, discipline, etc. It was only when she got to the end of her speech that it directly affected me.

"This marks the 18th year of the Senior Scholarship Competition. Due to some late changes and entries, we have forty-six students competing for the prize. This is our largest group ever," she announced. "I would like all contestants to please stand up, and I would like the rest of you to show them your support."

I almost died. The last thing I wanted to do was stand up in front of the school and wave and say "look at me!" However, I had no choice as I saw the others start to stand up. Plus, Cat elbowed me in the ribs. I slowly got to my feet. The whole audience was clapping. I felt a little silly.

When I sat down, I heard a boy behind me say, "There's no way she's a guy."

I felt my face turning red again.

"You're blushing, how cute," whispered Cat, kidding me.

My classes went by pretty quickly. Being the new kid meant trying to remember everyone's name, which wasn't one of my strong points. My morning schedule was English, Civics, Ecology, and Calculus. Cat was in my first two classes. Luckily, Kristen was in my Ecology class and Alex was in Calculus with me. Having at least one friendly face made it a bit easier. I was pulled out of class for a few minutes during second period. They had to take my photo for my ID card. I was now Erika Walters, high school senior.

At lunch, I scanned the cafeteria for Cat. I saw her waving me over to a table. I walked over and sat down. There were six other girls at the table, who were introduced by Cat.

The only one that I initially remembered was Laura Adams, a stunningly beautiful brunette with short hair. I found out that she was also the class president. We seemed to hit it off immediately. She asked me if I was coming to the football game tomorrow night. I hadn't really thought about it, but when I saw Cat nodding yes, I said that I would.

"We have a cool tradition here. The senior section is called 'The Pit'. We never sit during the game and we never, ever allow non- seniors in. It's kind of the party before the after-game party," explained Laura.

"Sounds like fun," I replied.

The rest of the girls asked me about California and what my old school was like. As I told them, I wondered what my friends would think if they could see me now. I would have loved to tell them that I was sitting with some of the most popular girls on campus. However, explaining that I was in a skirt would be more difficult.

My afternoon classes were all electives. Photography was right after lunch. Then I had PE on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. Home Econ was on Tuesday and Thursday.

I had noticed several of the other contestants in my classes, but I hadn't been able to talk to them. I was pleased to see Caroline in my photography class. We talked about the stress of the first day.

"So far it hasn't been too bad. I've gotten a lot of kidding from some friends, but they went easy on me. How about you?" she asked.

"My day has been really smooth. I haven't been goofed on once. Actually, that's making me a bit nervous," I answered.

"I bet that a lot of them don't even know you're a boy. I mean, they've never even seen Eric. In some ways, that will make it a lot easier for you," she explained.

"I never really thought about that," I replied.

"You just need to be careful if you start dating. You'd better make sure they know that you're really a boy!" quipped Caroline.

"Do you plan on dating?" I asked her.

"I don't know. It depends on how long this contest lasts. It is also expected that we go out on a few dates. It's part of the tradition, and we're expected to be good sports," she explained. "Besides, it really doesn't matter. Next year, I plan on being as far from here as possible! So what about you?"

"I just want to get through this. I guess if it is expected of us, then I'll do it. But I'm not really looking forward to it," I replied.

"I'm sure you'd rather go out with Cat," she smiled

I smiled back. "Is it that obvious?"

Caroline just nodded. I felt a strong friendship growing between us.

My last class was Home Economics. I had kind of expected to see a lot of the other contestants in the class, but there were only four others. I'd noticed throughout the school day that many of the other contestants were wearing wigs and their makeup was a lot heavier than the real girls. I secretly thanked Cat for the hell she had put me through before school started. I had only seen a few contestants that looked like they were in for the long haul. As much as I liked Caroline, I knew that she was a rival - a friendly one but still a rival. She was desperate to win the scholarship so she could escape from her family. I felt sorry for her, but not enough to lose the contest.

I was a bit relieved to learn that the class had a much bigger emphasis on cooking than sewing. Ms. Roberts, the teacher told us that she'd wanted to turn the class into an advanced cooking class, but the school board wouldn't let her. So, there was still a sewing requirement.

"Since we might as well get it all out of the way. I am giving you your final sewing exam today. Now take out a piece of paper and number it one to ten. Now I will hold up an item and you must correctly identify it. Here is object number one," stated Mrs. Roberts, holding up a needle.

We broke out laughing and proceeded to take the test. I'm pleased to say that I aced the exam, although the pinking shears question was a bit tricky.

Cat had told me to meet her outside the main office. I noticed a large group of students crowded around a display case. Cat was there and she waved me over. Inside the case was a photo of each contestant, including me.

"They update this display every time someone drops out or is disqualified," explained Cat, she then pointed to a large number - forty-one.

"That is the present count of contestants, five have already dropped out," added Kristen. "By the way, Erika, you are one of the favorites to win. I've got my money on you."

"You mean that you can bet on who you will think will win?" I asked.

"Oh, sure, it's all unofficial, but everyone is in the pool. Even some of the teachers have entered it. However, you are not allowed to bet, that would be dishonest!" quipped Cat.

"Don't worry, I won't throw the race," I replied with a laugh.

As we walked back home, Cat asked me how I was doing.

"It's been slightly overwhelming," I answered truthfully.

I then told her about my day. She agreed that Caroline wouldn't quit early. I told her what Caroline had said about me, and that some people might be confused about my real gender.

Cat nodded. "That might be a problem, but I will tell you that there might be a bigger problem. There is a rumor starting that you are a ringer and that you really are a girl."

"So what should I do, flash everyone at lunch tomorrow?" I joked.

"I wouldn't recommend that, it would get you kicked out of the competition and suspended. I wouldn't worry too much about it for now," reassured Cat.

Chapter Seven

The second day of school came and went without incident, until my last class of the day. The only difference in my schedule was PE class instead of Home Econ. I changed in to my workout clothes in our separate locker room. My class had twelve other contestants. I noticed that some were watching me as I changed. Maybe they believed the rumors that I was really a girl. I was tempted to flash them, but I was wearing a gaff and that pretty much made it impossible.

I began to wonder if I was doing this too well!

We joined the rest of the girls for class. It wasn't too bad. The biggest thing to get used to was running. Even with a sports bra on, I was always aware of my boobs. It would take some time to get used to the sensation.

The PE coach held me after class. Her name was Coach Chambers, and she was also the coach for several of the teams. She asked me if I was interested in going out for the cross-country team, as they still had some openings. I told her that I would think about it. I felt it was a little unfair to compete against girls. I had been on the cross- country team at my old school. She smiled and said that the girls on her team could outrun most boys in the area. I told her I would let her know on Monday.

By the time I got back to the locker room to shower and change, everyone else was gone. There was a note on my locker. It read "We Know Your SECRET! Drop Out! You Cheating Bitch!"

I read it several times before deciding what to do. I changed and took the note to Ms. Bell's office. I was really pissed off and the longer I waited the angrier I became. She opened her door and seemed surprised to see me there.

"Well, that didn't take long. I just called the coach's office to send you over here," she explained. "We have a problem that we need to address."

I handed her the note. "I think I know what it is."

She read it and then placed it on her desk. "Please sit down, Erika. You're right. These are related problems. Every few years we get someone like you that people think is really a girl. I have received several phone calls this afternoon from some angry parents. They want proof that you are really a male."

"What do I have to do? Do they all want to look at my dick?" I angrily replied.

She held back a smile. "That won't be necessary. But I can understand your anger. I believe you, and we need to shut this rumor down right now. I have arranged for you to get a complete physical tomorrow morning. The doctor will, of course, confirm that you a male, and we will present this to the parents and the other contestants Monday afternoon after school. I have already contacted your mom, and she will be there. Now, what do you want to do about this note? If it was up to me, I would disqualify every one of them."

"I guess nothing for now. This should be a moot point after the meeting," I replied.

"You are more understanding than I would be. I'll show this to Mrs. Lee and let her decide. There have been similar notes left for other contestants, and they look like they were written by the same person," she explained. "Don't worry, Erika."

I tried to believe her, but something told me that this was going to get worse before it got better. She gave me the info on my appointment in the morning.

Cat walked home with me and I told her what had happened. "I guess you did too good a job!"

"Do you still want to go to the game tonight?" she asked.

"Absolutely. One of my teachers back in San Diego had a sign on his desk that said 'Illegitimi Non Carborundum'. Roughly translated from Latin, it means 'Don't let the bastards get you down'," I explained.

"Cool, I'll have to remember that one. Do you know what this one means? 'Stultus est sicut stultus facit'," asked Cat.

"I have no idea," I answered, stunned that Cat knew Latin phrases.

"It's from a movie, did you ever see Forrest Gump? It means 'Stupid is as stupid does.' I looked it up the internet," laughed Cat.

I laughed too. "I appreciate you trying to cheer me up."

"Hey, no problem, girlfriend," replied Cat.

Chapter Eight

The game started at 7:00 and Cat said that we should leave by 6:00. Laura was driving to the game and she was stopping to give us a lift.

Mom wasn't as understanding. As I know nothing about my father, I must assume that I get my temper from her. She was also a bit worried about me going to the game. I told her that I wasn't about to give them the satisfaction of scaring me away.

"You know that it's kind of ironic that you were so worried about being harassed for dressing like a girl, and the biggest jerks are those who think that you are pretending to be a boy," she stated. "Just be careful tonight."

One of the great things about going to the game was that I could wear jeans. Okay, they were girl jeans, but at least I was out of a skirt for a few hours. I wore a Central High t-shirt that I had bought at the school store. It was in our school colors, gray with red lettering. It was still warm enough at night to wear sandals. I also brought my camera.

"Well, if it isn't Miss School Spirit!" quipped Cat.

"Rah-rah!" I answered with a smile

On the way to the game, Cat told Laura what had happened. I made it clear that I wasn't looking for trouble but I appreciated their support. Laura asked if I knew the names of the contestants in my PE class. I was able to remember only a couple of names. But I was better at describing them. "The one who seemed the most hostile was called Jan by the others."

"Is she tall, black hair, skinny, and surly?" asked Laura.

"That sounds about right. You know her?" I asked

"Yes, that's Jason Martin. He's a jerk, and he comes from an entire family of jerks. His mom threatened to sue the school when Jason's sister didn't make the cheerleading squad two years ago. The school didn't give in, but they did give her a second try-out. She was awful and didn't make the squad. Jason is almost as spoiled. He lost in the class elections last year and demanded that we count the vote a second time. Be careful of him. He's like the rest of his family, a bunch of sore losers," explained Laura.

We arrived at the game and went to "The Pit." It was a lot of fun. I didn't see Jan or any of the others from PE. I did see Caroline and she waved hi to me.

The team ran out on the field led by our mascot, Willi the Wolfhound. Now Willi isn't a student in a costume, he's an actual 3-year-old Irish Wolfhound. The school used to be "The Wolves." But twenty years ago, the coach brought his pet wolfhound to the games and they won the championship. In honor of his wolfhound, we became the Central High Wolfhounds. Every year since then, we've had a dog at our games and school events. I was amazed at how friendly Willi was. For such a huge dog, he acted liked a puppy.

The game was over by the end of the first quarter. Alex threw for two touchdowns and the defense returned a fumble for another. By halftime we had scored three more times and the coach took most of the starters out of the game.

The atmosphere in "The Pit" was as fun as Laura had said it would be. Cat and Laura introduced me to everyone. Apparently, the crowd in the pit either hadn't heard the rumor about me or didn't care.

The second half was just as much of a blowout. Our second team continued to score and the defense kept the shutout. The final score was 56 to 0, and it really wasn't that close. As the game ended, Cat took me down to the field so I could meet Willi the Wolfhound. I also wanted to take his photo. She also wanted to congratulate Alex on his great half of football. The crowd was pretty happy, as we'd won our opening game. There were parties to go to and everyone was in a great mood.

Well, that isn't exactly true. The Martins were there and they were far from happy. I never saw them as they walked towards us. I turned around when I heard Jason say. "There's the cheating bitch, Mom."

I turned around to see Jason standing five feet away. He was now dressed in male clothes. "You showed them that note, you bitch, and you got me kicked out of the competition just for telling the truth. If you were a boy, I'd slug you," he screamed.

Everyone turned around and looked at the growing disturbance. I saw a tall, slightly overweight woman push past him. She had on too much makeup and was dressed like she was trying to look twenty years younger. She was glaring at me.

"I am going to expose you, girly. Look, everyone! Can't you see that she's not a boy? She's trying to steal the scholarship from my son," she yelled.

My back was against the fence and I began to look for a way out of there. I could see Laura running towards us with the principal, Mrs. Lee.

Suddenly, Mrs. Martin slammed against me and pushed me against the fence. I dropped my purse and camera. She violently grabbed me by my t-shirt and tore it off. As she did, my bra and fake breasts came off.

It then became total chaos. It was obvious to everyone that I was really a guy. Mrs. Martin started yelling at Jason and he was screaming at me. I fell to the ground and tried to cover myself up. Jason started towards me, yelling that he was going to kill me when I saw someone in a football uniform jump over the fence and tackle him. The crowd held back Mrs. Martin until the security guards arrived.

Cat was by quickly by my side. "Are you okay?"

I was trembling and nodded. Without even thinking about it, I was covering up my chest.

Mrs. Lee came over and helped me up. She told Cat to escort me to the school. Laura gave me a sweatshirt to cover up with. I could hear Mrs. Martin screaming the whole way back to the school.

As we approached the school, we were met by Ms. Bell, who took us to the front office. Laura ran up and joined us. Ms. B got me a replacement shirt and I got dressed. Luckily, Cat had scooped up my breast pads. I couldn't put them back on as Mrs. Martin had torn off my bra. I was still shaking a little. I was angry and scared. I was desperately trying not to cry. This feeling of being a helpless victim was one that I never wanted to experience again.

Sensing my emotional state, Ms B put her hand on my shoulder. "It's okay to cry, Erika. No one here would hold it against you."

I felt Cat hand me a box of tissues. I looked up at her and initially started to laugh, but it turned into tears. She sat down next to me and gave me a long hug.

"Everything will be okay, Erika. They are taking statements out there and everyone says that you did nothing to provoke them. Many of them are other parents who are sick and tired of her constant complaining," explained Laura. "By the way, I have your purse and camera. It looks like it's okay."

"Who tackled Jason?" I asked, wiping my eyes.

"That was the starting safety, Mike Jackson. You met him at the pizza place a few weeks ago. He's Alex's best friend," answered Cat.

I tried to remember him. Then it came to me. He was the African- American guy who always hung around Alex.

"Remind me to thank him the next time we meet," I stated, as I began to regain my composure.

"Sure thing, Erika. You won't have to wait long. Alex and Mike and around six other players are waiting outside to escort us home," announced Cat. "I told you how they were protective of the contestants,"

"I agree with Cat, you need to go home. Besides there will be other parties to go to," concurred Laura.

Just then Mrs. Lee walked in. "How are you doing Erika?"

"Much better, thank you." I answered.

Mrs. Lee nodded. "I have a pretty good idea of what happened out there. Everyone agrees that you did nothing wrong. Jason will be suspended for fighting and violating school conduct rules. I am seriously considering expelling him. The police are debating assault charges against Mrs. Martin. I've had it with both of them. I've told the police that she is officially banned from all school events and that I would fully support their decision to arrest her. I will not tolerate any parent who assaults one of our students."

"Will anything happen to Mike? He was only trying to stop a fight." I asked, concerned that he might get suspended too.

"No, I appreciate that he was only trying to protect you and, from what I heard, it was his best tackle of the evening," she answered with a smile. "I think you should go home now, Erika. This incident will do nothing to hurt your status in the competition. I hope that you don't drop out."

"No way! I want this more than ever now," I replied. "Thank you very much, Mrs. Lee. I want to thank all of you."

As Cat had said, Alex and Mike and several other players were outside waiting for us. I immediately went up to Mike and hugged him. It just felt like the right thing to do. He returned it and I could feel his strong arms wrap around me.

I smiled at Mike. "I really appreciate you coming to my rescue tonight."

"No problem, I really enjoyed it. I never liked that asshole. So, are you okay?" Mike asked.

"Yes, thanks to you," I answered. "I want to thank all of you for your concern."

They drove us back to my house. I felt so safe and secure knowing that they were there to protect me. I also felt a little strange needing protecting.

Naturally, Mom was both concerned and upset at what had happened. Terri came over and, along with Cat, we sat up a while drinking tea. Mom was seriously considering suing the Martins. Terri told her that she would get a lot of support as most people in the area had had at least one run in with them over the years. I was just glad it was over. I said good night and walked up to my bedroom.

I had just finished changing into my pjs when there was a knock on my door. It was Cat.

"May I come in, Erika?" she asked.

"Sure, what's up?" I asked, opening the door.

Cat walked in and sat down next to me on my bed. "You know, the way you reacted to everything that happened was very interesting."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I think you know what I'm talking about. The way you covered yourself up, the emotional response in the office, and how you thanked Mike. They weren't exactly masculine. And they seemed more like instinctive responses, not thought out reactions," stated Cat.

I just nodded slowly. She was right. I had been replaying my reaction to the attack back in mind, over and over.

"I think it's pretty cool actually. Whether you like it or not, you are starting to act like a girl," smiled Cat.

I didn't initially respond. She was right. I kept playing through my reactions from the attack. While I wasn't the toughest guy back in San Diego, I never would have just let someone attack me back then. I was also a little bothered by the hug I'd given Mike. I didn't think it was just a reaction.

"May I ask you a personal question? Do you feel different since you've become Erika, and if so, do you want to stay this way?" she asked.

"Something is going on, but I don't fully understand it yet. I really can't answer your question." I answered honestly.

Cat hugged me. "Well, no matter what happens, I will be your friend."

It took me a long time to fall asleep that night. I thought about everything that had happened in the past few weeks and began to replay my reactions back. I found that I was trying to convince myself that my reactions were just part of my drive to win the scholarship. I feel asleep wondering what I had gotten myself into.

Chapter Nine

Saturday morning, Mom and I arrived at the clinic and went in for the physical. I was a bit sore from the attack. Mom told me to be sure to tell the doctor.

The nurse led me into the examination room. She took my height and weight. Then she took my blood pressure along with a blood sample. She handed me a dressing gown and told me to get undressed and the doctor would be in shortly. I did not have to wait more than a few minutes. It was a bit surprising to see a woman walk in.

"Hello Erika, I'm Dr. Franklin," she announced, as she read the paperwork on her clipboard. "I see that I need to give you a complete physical. Your principal at Central High called and told me the reason. Now, shall we begin?"

She was very through and examined me completely. She noted the bruises that were on both my back and chest and stated that there didn't appear to be any real damage, but if it got worse to come back in. She also confirmed that I was a guy.

"Erika, I will see you Monday at your school. I think this issue will quickly fade away. But I must admit that you do pass very nicely," she smiled.

She talked to my mother for a few minutes. I guess she was easing her fears that I was really hurt from last night.

On the way home, we stopped at the police station. They had called and asked me to come in to make a statement. A young policeman met us at the front desk and took us to one of their offices. His name was Tom Bell, and I wondered if he was related to Ms. Bell back at Central High.

Officer Bell was pretty cool. He told me that they had enough evidence to convict Mrs. Martin of assault, even without my statement. He told us they even had a videotape of the event.

"I know it may be a bit traumatic, but do you want to see it?" he asked.

"Yes, I do," I answered.

The tape was taken from the stands and, as he said, it caught Mrs. Martin's attack on me. I was amazed by the ferocity of the tackle of Jason by Mike Jackson.

"Yeah, that was a "de-cleater," all right. He sure can hit someone. Reminds me of my days playing linebacker for the Wolfhounds," reminisced the officer.

"You attended Central High?" I asked.

"I graduated there three years ago," he announced proudly. "I was hired by the force six months ago. They're letting me finish my degree at night."

"Were you on the team when they beat up those guys from Red Hill?" I asked.

He smiled. "I cannot confirm or deny that I was. But I am pleased that the story is still being told. I admire what you and the others are doing. And I know how difficult it is. You have enough to deal with in your lives without dealing with jerks. I also have a deep hatred for bullies."

"Are you related to Ms. Bell, the counselor?" I asked.

"She's my aunt," he answered.

"She's pretty cool," I replied.

He beamed a huge smile. "I like her too. I will get back to you if we need anything else. If Mrs. Martin is smart, she will plead guilty and try to plea bargain. Call us if she gives you any trouble at all."

He led us out and thanked us again for coming in. My opinion of this town was much better this morning. I almost felt guilty for the way I had thought about it.

Chapter Ten

Monday, I arrived at school a little apprehensive. Other than Cat and Laura, I had not seen anyone else since Friday evening's incident. I was a bit worried about how I would be received.

When I walked into my homeroom, I discovered my fears were baseless. I received a standing ovation from the whole class, including Mr. Grant. It was a bit embarrassing. I smiled and thanked them.

"So, was this your idea?" I asked Cat.

"Nope, that was a popular uprising. Everyone was pretty pissed about what happened at the game, and they're glad you're all right," smiled Cat. "I told you we're protective of the contestants."

It was strange. I felt a strange sense of happiness based on how I was treated by my classmates. I had been attacked and didn't fight back, yet I was warmly received. I wasn't seen as a wimp; rather I was seen as an innocent victim. Did they see me as a contestant or as an actual girl? No, they knew I was a contestant, but did they sense something else? Life had become very complicated!

I made it through the day pretty well, but my mind was on the meeting that afternoon after school. I was hoping that there wouldn't be a need for it, but several parents still insisted that it go down. The remaining contestants in my PE class seemed friendlier, well maybe not friendlier, but they didn't seem as suspicious. There were no more notes.

I told Coach Chambers that I would like to join the team, if it was okay. She told me that, since there was no boy's cross-country team at Central High, then it was legal. I would still have to earn a position on the team, but she liked my running style and said that I should fit in pretty well. I told her that I wouldn't be able to practice that afternoon because of the meeting. She told me that was fine and to be at tomorrow's practice at 2:30 sharp by the track.

I showered and dressed. I slipped on my dress and reapplied my makeup. I was still a bit nervous. A group of angry parents can do that.

Mom was waiting for me in Ms. B's office. I was glad that they had finally met. Once I arrived, we went to Mrs. Lee's office. She was waiting for us and led us to the meeting. Dr. Franklin joined us before we walked into the auditorium.

I was a bit surprised by the size of the crowd. All the contestants were required to attend, and invitations had been extended to their parents. I saw Caroline and smiled at her and she waved back. A few faculty members were also there. I noticed Mr. Grant sitting in the back row.

Mrs. Lee walked to the front of the group and addressed them. "Thank you all for showing up. I appreciate your cooperation and that, unlike some other people, you are behaving in a mature manner. As you know, the reason for this meeting is to dispel the rumors that Erika Walters, a transfer student, is violating the rules of the scholarship competition. There have been rumors that Erika is actually female and therefore is in violation of the rules. Dr. Franklin conducted a complete physical on Erika this past weekend. Dr. Franklin would you please read your report."

Dr. Franklin stepped up to the podium. "There is no doubt that Erika is physically male. I have a signed affidavit in my hand that states this. I will be happy to show you the physical report."

Mrs. Lee again addressed the group. "Now, I fully expect this to end the rumors regarding Erika. I was very disappointed in the actions of several of the students in this room who sought to discredit Erika by spreading this rumor, and by assisting another student in harassment. Any further acts of harassment will result not just in disqualification from the scholarship contest, but will include suspension and, depending on the act, expulsion from school. I'm dead serious about this."

There was total silence in the room.

"Are their any questions?" asked Mrs. Lee.

Again the room remained silent. Finally one parent stood up. "Mrs. Lee, I am Rick Davis, Jessica's father. I want to apologize for way we have behaved. We should have checked with you before going off half cocked." Jessica was one of the "girls" from my PE class.

"Thank you, Mr. Davis. Well, that should wrap this up. Thank you again for coming in," Mrs. Lee replied.

I breathed a huge sign of relief. Several of the contestants came up and apologized for their behavior. I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. I was also impressed with Mrs. Lee. She had defused a huge problem, and now she was socializing with the parents as if nothing had happened. Still, I noticed that a few parents still looked at me as if they were inspecting me. Apparently they still had some doubts.

Mrs. Lee took Mom and me to her office to brief us on the Martins. When Ms. Bell had given her the note left on my locker, she'd called Jason into her office. Three other threatening notes had been left in other lockers, and the handwriting was the same. When she confronted Jason, he admitted that he had done it, but said he was justified because he was telling the truth. The notes, combined with the attempted assault, were too serious to ignore. The district had agreed with her recommendation for expelling him. As for Mrs. Martin, the district attorney had filed papers for a restraining order. It would prevent her from stepping on school property unless she had written permission to do so.

"I want to thank you for the way this was handled," Mom told her.

On the way home, I decided to switch the subject. I told Mom that I was going out for the girls' cross-country team.

"What happens if the contest ends before the season does?" she asked.

"I don't see that happening. I get the strange feeling that I will be Erika the whole school year."

Chapter Eleven

After my exciting first three days of school, things settled down a little. I found that Coach Chambers wasn't kidding when she said that being a boy wouldn't mean that I would have an advantage at cross country. I got smoked in my first couple of training races. It also took me a few weeks to get into better shape. By early October, I was making a contribution to the team and even finished third once. We ran as a team and part of my job was to help the stars of the squad by setting a fast pace. My willingness to sacrifice myself for the team made me very popular.

The other good thing about being on the team was that it kept me really busy, which kept my mind off the competition. By the first week in October, our numbers had dropped to only thirty-one. Most had been caught in rules violations. Only a few just plain quit. It was a bit weird - part of me wanted the list to drop off as fast as possible, but another part missed some of these "girls" when they returned to their old selves.

I found that I was very much at peace with my life as Erika. I had never felt so happy. Cat and I remained great friends; in fact, our friendship got stronger. She was always there for me and we were becoming as close as sisters. That sucked in some respects, since I was still in love with her at the time. She seemed content to be close friends. Thanks to Cat and Laura, I was also becoming very popular at school.

School was going pretty well. Actually, school was going fantastic. I was doing great in my classes. I also loved running. For the first time in my life I felt complete. I wondered if it was due to the move, or was it because I was now Erika.

I even got used to wearing sanitary pads a couple days of the week. It felt strange at first, but like everything else, I accepted it and moved on.

However, Friday evenings were the weekly highlight. The Wolfhounds were really kicking butt. Alex, our QB, was on pace to break every school and conference passing record. Many major colleges and universities were recruiting him. And he wasn't the only one having a great season; Mike Jackson had seven interceptions and had scored four touchdowns. He was also being heavily recruited.

I had a soft spot for Mike. He'd saved me from being attacked by that psycho, Jason Martin. The next home game we had seen him waving what looked like a gray rag above his head. It seemed to rally the team and we came from behind to win. After the game I found out that the gray rag was my torn t-shirt. Mike had found it on the ground after my assault. For some reason, he felt it would be a good luck charm for the team. Let me say right here that football players can be a bit weird at times! But, for whatever reason, it seemed to work. The shirt became a talisman and was used to spark the team and the crowd. For this reason, I had become a sort of unofficial mascot for the team. I just hoped that it continued to bring them luck.

Cat and I were in homeroom the second week of October when another major event changed my life. The morning announcements were being read. It was the usual batch of sports and club announcements. I usually just tuned them out. Then we heard Laura's voice on the PA.

"Good morning, Central High. Well, it's that time again and starting today through Thursday morning we will be accepting nominations for Homecoming King and Queen. The requirements are simple. The nominees must be seniors. A committee of staff, club presidents, and fall team captains will review the list of nominees. On Friday afternoon, we will give you the final list of candidates. Elections will be next Wednesday. The King and Queen, accompanied by their court, will be crowned at halftime of next week's game. Also here is a reminder to buy your tickets today for the Homecoming Dance following the game!"

I could feel the eyes of everyone in homeroom looking at me. "Oh, no, please, don't waste your nominations on me!"

There was some laughter and then Paul Brady stood up. "As you know, one of Erika's best traits is her modesty. You have to admire how quickly she was willing to give up this honor to her fellow students. I think this sort of self-sacrifice deserves to be rewarded. So I urge you to nominate our classmate Erika Walters for Homecoming Queen. By the way, I am volunteering to be your campaign manager."

A round of applause followed his speech. Paul was one the class clowns. I usually appreciated his humor, but not today. "I don't suppose that I have a choice?"

"Nope, none at all!" he answered smugly.

"Cat, have other contestants been nominated for Homecoming Queen?" I asked.

"Yes, it is a tradition to nominate a few. But this could be the first year that one gets into the court. Kristen is a dead lock to win as Queen. But I hate to tell you this; there is a lot of support in the senior class for you. Alex told me that several members of the team were also going to nominate you," smiled Cat.

"I suppose that withdrawal from the voting would be out of the question?" I asked.

"Absolutely. The only excuses are either religious or pregnancy. And there isn't time for you to convert or conceive, so it looks like you're in!"

"You're really enjoying this aren't you," I replied with a smile.

Cat pointed her finger at her chest. "Me?"

I tried to put in out of my mind. There was nothing I could do about it. Still, there was a part of me that felt pretty good about being nominated.

At lunch I sat with my usual crowd. Cat always got to the cafeteria before me and she would save me a seat. I had just sat down when Laura came up. We all gave her applause for her morning announcement. I knew that she was also in the running for Queen. In fact, I had filled out a nomination for her that morning. My nomination for King was Mike Jackson. I would have nominated Cat, just to get back at her, but that was too obvious. I would get her back later.

"So, Erika, I'm sure you know that you've been nominated. How do you feel about that?" asked Laura.

"I'd prefer not to be nominated. I think the honor should go to a real girl. But, I appreciate that my friends think I'm worthy."

"If you get elected, I'd fully support it; you would make a wonderful member of the court or even a Queen," explained Laura. "And don't belittle yourself, you are a real girl."

"There are some that would say that she already is a queen," quipped Cat.

Everyone broke out laughing, including myself.

Chapter Twelve

Laura was fast becoming one of my best friends. We seemed to have a lot of common interests. There was something about her that was different, but I couldn't put my finger on it.

The rest of the week flew by. On Friday morning I sat in homeroom waiting for the announcements. Paul was up to something, but I didn't want to give him the satisfaction of getting angry. Actually, I found it impossible to stay angry with him. He was a nice guy. He was 5-11 and had light brown hair and green eyes. He took great joy in kidding me in homeroom. It was never mean spirited, and I found that I could sometimes get in a good zinger back. Paul was also on the school paper. He had teamed up to create a very funny weekly cartoon that made fun of almost everyone. He did the writing and Caroline drew the art.

Then came the announcements. First came the scores and club announcements. Then Mrs. Lee came on the PA to announce the ten candidates for the Homecoming King and Queen. The top three runners-up would be in the court. She first announced the boys. As expected, Alex and Mike were on the list. I didn't pay that much attention to the rest of the names. Then came the Queen nominations. Laura and Kristen were the first two names listed. I heard a few more names and then I heard mine. The class broke out in cheers and applause. I was soon busy receiving congratulations from the rest of the class. Paul began to distribute campaign buttons with a cartoon picture of me on them, and the words "Queen Erika I. Why not?"

"What would you have done with these if I hadn't been nominated?" I asked him

"No way, you were a sure thing!" exclaimed Paul. "What do you think of the buttons?"

"They are cute. Did you have to talk Caroline into helping you, or did she volunteer?"

"She was a very willing co-conspirator," replied Paul with a laugh.

"Hmmm, I'll have to thank her when I see her in photography class this afternoon. Could I have a couple of these buttons? I know my Mom will want one."

"Sure, Erika, here you are," he answered as he handed me a bag of buttons, "You can hand these out to supporters! So, do you mind if I continue to run your campaign?"

"No, not at all. Seriously, I want to thank you for doing this. What can I do for you?" I asked.

As the bell rang he leaned over to me and said, "You could go to the dance with me."

He left before I could give him a response, not that I was able to think of one. I was stunned. The dance was held after the game, so it was not a huge formal affair. But it was considered the first big social event of the year. I made it to my English class, but I was still in a daze. I had known that it would happen eventually. Several of the other contestants were already dating. There was a rumor that if we turned down more than two dates we would be disqualified, but I didn't believe it.

Halfway through class, Cat leaned over and asked what was wrong. I told her I'd tell her later. I still needed time for this to sink in.

Fortunately, Paul wasn't in any of my classes, so I didn't have to make a quick decision. I hadn't expected him to ask me out. I knew that Mike liked me, but he had recently started dating one of the cheerleaders. Her name was Tracey Brown, and she was a bit shy but was also really nice. She was also African-American and there weren't a lot of minorities in the school. Cat told me that this was the second time they were going out. She didn't know the reason why they'd broken up the first time.

By lunch there were campaign posters up all over school. I tried to ignore them, but they were everywhere. There were even a few promoting a write-in vote for Willi the Wolfhound. I saw that Paul had got a few up for me. I also saw the buttons everywhere.

"So what's bugging you? It can't be the nomination, you were expecting that," asked Cat, as she sat down next to me.

I looked over at her and saw she was wearing one of the buttons, as was almost everyone at my table. "Paul asked me out to the dance," I whispered to her.

"Really, that's cool, so what did you say?" asked Cat.

"Look, I'd really appreciate it if you kept this a secret. I didn't have time to tell him anything. I'll tell him this afternoon after the meet," I replied. We had a cross-country meet that afternoon and Paul was usually there. I used to think it was because he was covering it for the school paper. Now I wondered if it was because I was there.

"What are you going to say? You know that he is a pretty nice guy. You could do worse," asked Cat, in a much lower voice.

"I will tell him yes. I'm just not used to the idea that I am about to go to a dance with a guy," I answered. "So, who are you going with?"

Cat smiled. "I'll talk to you about that later."

Chapter Thirteen

There was a light drizzle coming down that afternoon. It was still warm, as we were experiencing Indian summer. I forced myself to forget about the election and Paul. This meet was very important as we were presently tied for first place with the Grantville Cougars. I saw Cat and Laura standing by the start. They had become my private cheering section. I gave them a small wave.

Surprisingly, I ended up having my best performance of the year. Grantville's runners had set a really fast pace and, combined with the rain, our runners were having a hard time. With a half-mile to go, their best runner sprinted ahead and I could tell that I was the only one who had a chance. I ran her down and just beat her at the finish line. While Grantville took second place, we grabbed the next three places!

As I was doing my cool down stretches, I saw Paul. I waved to him and he gave me a "thumbs up" with his right hand.

As I walked to the locker room, I asked him if he could wait for me. He said he would meet me out front.

I showered and changed. I ran my fingers through my hair. I decided that it was time for another trip to the salon, especially now that I would be going on my first date. I finished dressing and dried my hair. While I was getting used to wearing skirts and dresses, I still looked forward to my jeans day. Luckily, my team sweats counted as legit women's clothes. I checked myself in the mirror before I walked out, studying the image of the girl standing before me. It was difficult to remember what Eric looked like. To be honest, I was starting to like the person standing before me. Erika was a more complete person. I tried to put these thoughts down to the events of today, the election, Paul asking me on a date, etc, but deep down I knew that this wasn't true. I knew that I had started to debate my true identity the night of the assault. Life was becoming more complicated and simultaneously a lot more interesting.

When I came out, I saw Paul talking to Cat and Laura. "Here she comes. Excuse me, Ms. Walters, can I get a statement for the press on your great victory this afternoon!" asked Paul as he pretended to be extending a microphone towards me.

"I owe it all to my personal fan club and their undying support!" I replied.

"Girlfriend, if you keep winning, you'll need to give better interviews," joked Laura.

"Seriously, I appreciate all of you being at the race. We don't exactly get a huge crowd for the meets, especially when it's raining. The team is meeting for pizza, you want to come along?"

It was a tradition for the team to celebrate after a win and, being we were such a small team, we always brought friends.

"Sure, that sounds good. Laura and I will meet you two there," stated Cat, quickly dragging Laura away.

I was left alone with Paul. He smiled at me and we walked to his car, a vintage dark green VW Beetle. Somehow it suited him.

I looked at Paul and smiled. "I haven't seen many of these since I moved here."

"I may have the only one in town. It may be old, but it runs great," he replied.

He opened the door for me and I slipped in. "Thank you." I wasn't used to being treated like this, but I could get used to it!

He smiled back at me. I noticed he was less of a comedian when he wasn't in a crowd.

"Have you made up your mind yet?" he asked.

I smiled. "Yes, I have, I will go to the dance with you. However, I am still a bit uneasy about all this; it's happening pretty fast, so be patient with me."

He looked at me and took my hand. "I understand, Erika. But I just want you to know that I am persistent. I am also a good judge of people, and I have a strong feeling that Erika is going to be around for a while."

We met Cat and Laura outside Guido's. They were both smiling as they watched us walk up. I knew that Cat had told Laura everything. I really didn't mind, as the three of us had become very tight friends.

The rest of the team was already there. They waved us over and we joined them. The place was much more crowded than normal, as the football team wasn't playing until tomorrow afternoon over at Grantville High.

As the winner of the race, I was required by tradition to stand up and sing the school fight song. It was a take-off of the University of Wisconsin fight song. I am many things, but a singer is not one of them - in either gender! My singing was met by people putting their hands over their ears and making animal noises. I would have felt bad, but that was also part of the tradition.

"Oh, Erika, that was classic," laughed Cat, "classically bad!"

"Now you know why I was able to win today, nobody else wanted to sing," I quipped.

"This would make a great topic for this week's comic strip," added Paul with a laugh.

"Sure, that sounds great, then you'll also have a topic for the following week," I said. "Comic writer sits home, all alone, the night of the homecoming dance!"

"So, you said yes?" asked Laura.

I nodded.

Just then Rachael Patton stood up and began to tap her glass with a fork. She was one of our Co-Captains and probably our best over all runner. She was tall and wore her blonde hair in a short style and hadn't run today because of a slightly sprained ankle. She had already been offered a full athletic scholarship by several colleges.

"Excuse me, everyone. As you all know, Erika has had a pretty good day. She is one of the finalists for Homecoming Queen," she announced, pausing to allow applause. "She ran a great race today and helped us to stay in first place!" There was more applause. I noticed she was smiling at me, "And finally, and maybe most important, she has a date for the dance!"

I must have turned bright red as everyone looked over at us and clapped and made funny comments. I knew that it was being done good- naturedly, but I couldn't help but feel a little - correction, make that very - embarrassed.

"So much for taking this slowly," whispered Paul.

Later on Cat pulled me aside, "It's better this way, everyone would know eventually, so why try to keep it a secret?"

"Don't worry, Erika, we'll make sure you are ready for this," added Laura. "This is so cool!"

I wanted to say that I was just going to one dance with him, but even I couldn't believe that one.

When I got home, I told Mom about my big day. She had heard at work that I was one of the finalists for Homecoming Queen. I gave her a couple of the buttons. She laughed when she saw my likeness on the button.

"That's right! Why not!" she said as she read the slogan on the button. "How do you feel about this?"

"To be honest I'm filled with mixed emotions. Part of me is honored and excited."

"And what about the other part?"

"I don't know exactly how to describe it. I mean I'm a guy, yet I'm thrilled by the fact that my class has nominated to be the Homecoming Queen. I keep telling me that I just doing this because of the scholarship competition."

Mom nodded and let me talk. I suspected that she knew that I had more things to talk to her about.

I next told her of my victory. I was saving the news of my upcoming date for last. I wasn't sure how she would react.

I was very nervous, and it took me a few moments to get up the nerve to tell her about Paul. "I have one more thing to tell you."

"So, tell me all about him," she interrupted.

I was instantly stunned. "You know?"

"From the minute you walked in. I want you to know that I will always support you, no matter what path you choose," she explained. She then put the teakettle on the stove and turned on the burner.

We sat in the kitchen and talked for several hours. She told me that I should invite Paul over for dinner sometime, and said that I would probably be invited over by Paul's family. She also seemed to know that I was in a budding identity crisis.

Chapter Fourteen

Saturday morning was cloudy and a bit cooler. I decided to wear a red turtleneck top with a gray sweatshirt adorned with a picture of Willi. I was in jeans and brown loafers, my beloved sandals having been put into hibernation until spring.

Cat called. Laura was picking us up for the trip over to Grantville around eleven. Paul was also coming along with us. The only other task that morning was to call the salon and make an appointment. They had heard of my nomination and were excited about working on me. I told them that, due to practice, I couldn't be there until after 6. They told me it wouldn't be a problem and they told me that stayed open late on Wednesdays.

I met Cat at her house. Terri congratulated me and kidded me a bit about my upcoming date.

"Do you think I'm doing the right thing?" I asked Cat.

"To be totally honest, yes, I do. I think this is a very important crossroad for you and you shouldn't put it off," she answered. "Besides, you seem to be the only one worried. You're accepted here as Erika, you might as well acknowledge it and move on."

"Thanks, Cat, I can always count on you to give me an honest answer," I replied.

"That's what friends are for. You have become very special to me."

"So, who are you going to the dance with?" I asked.

Cat smiled at me. "I guess I should listen to my own advice more often, everyone will know soon enough. I'm going with Laura."

I smiled slightly. "You mean you two are lesbians?"

"I don't like labels. I still like boys, but something has clicked between Laura and me. What do you think?" she asked.

"I think it's great. But how will the rest of the school react?"

"Well, we aren't the first, and it would seem hypocritical to make a big deal about it when there are thirty guys running around campus in skirts. My mom knows and she is cool about it. As far as anyone else goes, this is my life and I am not looking for their permission."

"I fully support you and Laura. After all, you've been there for me!"

"Thanks, Erika, I really appreciate it. And I will always be there for you."

We gave each other a big hug. Just then the Hallmark moment was broken up by the sound of Laura's horn.

As I slipped in the back next to Paul, I gave Laura a knowing wink. She smiled back.

On the drive over to Grantville, I told them that I was feeling a bit nervous.

"I feel safe here in Golden Hill, but I am still a bit wary when I go to other towns," I stated.

"Well, don't worry, the Pit will protect you," promised Cat.

We formed the transplanted Pit in the visiting team's bleachers. We were presently 5-0 and headed towards another championship. Grantville was having a pretty good season, and at 4-1 they couldn't afford to lose to us.

Just before the game started, we watched as the Grantville students put up a huge banner that said, "The Grantville Cougars welcome the Central High Drag Queens." There were several male students wearing Central gear in drag mincing around their sidelines. I felt a wave of emotions run through me, ranging from fear to rage. I looked over at Caroline and could see the same range of emotions in her. There were a few other contestants in the Pit, and the rest of our class immediately comforted all of us.

If their intention was to psych-out our team, it failed miserably. Our team just glared at them in silence. The entire team seemed very intense. Alex looked up to the Pit and pointed at us. Mike Jackson starting waving the tattered gray rag that had once been my t-shirt during the opening kickoff. I pulled my camera out of my bag and took his picture.

The game was a blowout from the second that their kickoff receiver caught the ball. Our special teams almost decapitated him and in doing so caused a fumble. We recovered the ball to run in for a touchdown. We never let up from there, scoring on every possession, with the defense adding two more scores. Halftime saw 49-0.

The banners were still up after the halftime show and our team continued with their abuse of the Cougars. Our defense was not content to just not let them score, but they didn't want them to gain a yard. Our coach finally called off the dogs when the score reached 84-0. I also noticed that we let up right after several irate Cougar players tore down the offending sign. There was no more scoring and we recorded our most impressive victory in school history; the rest of the league got the message to not to piss us off.

We all got out of there right away to avoid trouble and headed to the post-game party at Alex's house. His parents owned an old farmhouse on the edge of town. They had converted the barn into an upstairs apartment for Alex, and transformed the downstairs part into a giant recreation room. It had become the site for the many post-game celebrations.

I saw Mike and Tracey when we walked in. He came up to me and said that the win was for all of us. I smiled and thanked him. We met up with Alex; he was talking to Kristen. It looked like they were becoming an item. He told us that our coach had told his Grantville counterpart to take down the sign before the game started.

Alex told us what happened next. "Coach said that the Grantville coach said that we should send some of our "sissies" over to do it. So, he turned to us and told us to really kick their asses. Not that we needed his permission. The team was really pissed and was tempted to go over and tear it down. Coach then made the same demand at halftime and was told to "get screwed." Apparently their own players tore it down without being told to. I guess we showed them!"

"I was hoping that they'd keep the signs up. I think we could have broke one hundred!" added Mike with a huge smile on his face.

I looked at Alex and Mike. "I think you guys are great. I wanted to personally thank you!"

Alex walked up and gave me a huge hug. He actually lifted me up off the ground.

"Well, maybe this will keep a lid on the usual BS that goes down when we play Red Hill High," said Alex.

He went on to tell me about the border war that existed between the two schools. Some of it I had heard about from Cat. He said that this year it would get pretty bad because it was shaping up as the championship game for the conference. Red Hill was our last game and they were also undefeated.

I caught up with Paul. For a non-jock he was well liked by the team. He was talking with some of the players. He planned on making the game the focus of this week's comic and was getting some of their input. He smiled when I walked over to him.

"So, are you having a good time?" he asked

"Yes, I am. By the way, my mom asked me to invite you over for dinner. How about Tuesday?" I asked.

"Sounds good. I have a similar invite from my parents for tomorrow."

"My mom is cool about you taking me to the dance. How are your parents taking it?" I asked. "You did tell them EVERYTHING about me?"

Paul smiled at me. "Yes, they know. They were at the game when you were attacked."

"Oh! And how do they feel about you taking me to the dance?"

"Kind of mixed feelings. My mom is totally cool with it, and so is my sister. My dad has a few issues - more with me than with you. But don't worry, he'll be polite and he won't rip your shirt off. He may not talk to you; but then again he doesn't talk to me all that much either. But on the plus side, my Mom is a great cook."

"Sounds like it will be a thrilling evening. I didn't know you had a sister, how old is she?"

"She's two years older and her name is Barb. She's in college. She's looking forward to meeting you."

The party lasted for a few more hours. The tension of the game slowly passed and everyone's focus shifted to the upcoming events of Homecoming and the game versus the Glendale High Knights.

Laura gave us a lift home. It had been a long day and I was really beat. Paul told me that he would pick me up around 5:00. We dropped him off first as Laura and Cat wanted to talk to me in private.

We went over to Cat's house and went into her room. It was funny that I once felt so nervous walking in there.

"How're you doing?" asked Laura.

"Well, considering everything that has happened in the past few days, I'm okay," I replied. "How are you doing?"

"I am a bit nervous about coming out at school. I know some won't take it very well. But my parents know and, while they aren't exactly happy, they are supportive," answered Laura. "I think they have always suspected that I was different, but that's different from knowing the truth."

"Do you only have feelings for girls or do you like boys too?" I asked

"I like boys like you," she answered with a smile and a wink.

Her answer caught me off guard and I did my best to recover. "Oh, I see. So you like the sensitive types! Well, as I told Cat, I'm your friend; and you'll always be my friend," I promised. I hoped my answer didn't sound too stupid.

Laura winked at me and giggled.

"Erika, I know that you like me a lot. However, I'd rather just be friends with you. Friend really isn't a good description, you're the closest thing to a sister I'll ever have," announced Cat.

"Was I that obvious?" I replied with a laugh, "Look, I'll admit I'm a bit jealous of Laura, but I think it's great that you two are happy." I was happy that Cat saw me as her sister, but part of me knew that meant we wouldn't date.

"Thanks, Erika. I appreciate your honesty," replied Cat.

Back home, I told Mom about the events of the day. She wasn't all that surprised about Cat and Laura. She told me that she'd make a dessert for me to take to Paul's house Sunday night.

Chapter Fifteen

Sunday morning I got up and ran a few miles. It had rained overnight, but it was starting to clear. I liked running early in the morning as it gave me a chance to think about things. The idea that Cat and Laura were now an item was slowly sinking in. I hoped that everyone would be accepting. But then again, the response by the football team yesterday showed that they were open minded.

I used most of the day to finish off some homework. Before I knew it, it was time to get ready. Cat came over and helped me pick out an outfit. I ended up in a long black skirt, black boots, and a red sweater. Cat checked my makeup and complimented me.

"You know, they're a few girls on campus that you could teach a thing or two about makeup," complimented Cat.

I smiled at Cat. I was struggling to put in my earring. I was starting to tremble slightly. Cat reached over and helped me.

"Nervous?"

"No. Whatever gave you that idea?" I answered with a slight laugh.

"Look, you'll do fine. It's only dinner, and Paul's mom and sister are pretty cool."

"What about his dad?" I asked.

"Paul's mom and sister are pretty cool," she repeated, with a smile. "Paul's dad is just a little old fashioned. I think he has some personal issues to deal with."

We talked a few more minutes until Paul arrived. He came in and met Mom, and he thanked her for the dessert.

"You look great, by the way," he said.

"Thanks." I was aware that I was blushing slightly. "Sorry, I'm just not completely used to getting compliments from a boy."

"You'd better get used to it," he replied. "You're beautiful."

Mrs. Brady met us at the door. I could hear the TV in the family room; it sounded like a football game. Paul's sister Barb joined us in the kitchen. Like Cat said, they were both pretty cool. I hit it off with both of them; they asked me questions while Paul went in to see his dad.

Paul walked back in. "Dad will be in when the game is over."

I sensed the tension between Paul and his father.

Paul joined us the kitchen table. Mrs. Brady had to get up every few minutes to check on dinner. She was cooking chicken breasts.

"It smells great, Mrs. Brady."

"Thank you, Erika."

"So, how do you feel about being nominated for Homecoming Queen?" asked Barb.

"Nervous. I also feel honored. I appreciate that my friends think so highly of me," I answered.

"Paul told me that Queen was pretty well a lock for one of the cheerleaders," stated Barb.

"Yes, her name is Kristen, but she deserves it. She is really nice," I replied.

"I hope you make the court. I think it would be great. Besides, it will be a night you'll never forget."

"Barb was in the court her senior year at Central," explained Mrs. Brady.

Then we heard the TV go silent. Paul gave me a look and a wink. In walked Mr. Brady.

"Dad, this is Erika Walters," introduced Paul.

I could feel his eyes move down me as he checked me out. He extended his hand. "Good evening," he stated in a flat, unemotional tone.

"Thank you, Mr. Brady, I'm pleased to meet you too." I replied, in a sweet, cheerful manner.

He sat down at the table across from me. He continued to inspect me. I decided to try and start some conversation.

"So, who won the game?" I asked.

"Steelers pulled it out in overtime with a field goal. Do you like football?"

"Absolutely. My mom even took me to a few games back in San Diego."

"Really? I would have thought that you wouldn't follow it now" he answered bluntly.

I ignored the obvious insult, "Well, it was easier to follow out there. The early games came on at 10:00 AM, so you could watch a game and still have the whole day to do things. Also the Monday night game started at 6:00."

Paul cracked a small smile. Barb also looked pleased with the way I was handling myself. The mind games had started. So far I'd returned his first serve. I prepared for the next volley. I was determined to stay calm and unemotional, even if I was kicked out.

"What do you think about the Wolfhound's game yesterday?" he asked.

"I loved it. The game sent a message to the rest of the league that you have to beat us on the field, not try to play stupid mind games with us."

"Yes, but how do you feel personally about the banner?"

"I felt it was insulting and juvenile, but I didn't take it as a personal attack."

He sat there in silence. It was like he was planning his next serve.

"You know, there are some people who would consider this whole scholarship contest immoral and slightly perverted," he stated, in a calm voice.

There was a very loud silence in the room.

I took a big breath. "That's true, but there have always been narrow- minded people who judge something or someone before they get to know and understand it or them."

I wasn't sure, but I think he cracked a smile.

"And what do you do when you meet these 'narrow-minded people' these days?"

"It depends on whether they are truly narrow-minded or just uninformed. If they are narrow-minded, then I ignore them the best I can. If they are just uninformed, then I try to educate them. But I won't sink to their level." Okay, the ball's back in your court, I thought.

The shot was returned quickly. "So, everyone who disagrees with you is narrow-minded or uninformed?"

"No, I never said that. But only a fool would make a judgment about something without knowing all the facts. I respect other people's opinions as long as they are based in facts and reason. I have no respect for closed-minded, uneducated opinions. I respect other viewpoints, even when I don't agree with them."

The only noise was the sound of the chicken cooking in the oven. I wasn't sure what was coming next.

"As a guest in my home, don't you feel that you should be respectful of my beliefs?" he asked.

"Yes, I do, and, as a guest invited into your home, my beliefs should likewise be respected. I doubt I would gain your respect by abandoning my beliefs just to please you. People don't have to all have the same beliefs to get along," I answered, half expecting to get shown the door.

He sat there and then broke out in a big smile, "Well, I'll give you credit, Erika, you didn't back down and you argued your points quite well. If you win that scholarship, you should consider going into law. You have the makings of a good lawyer. Hell, I might even hire you," he stated with a laugh.

"Dinner is ready," announced Mrs. Brady.

The rest of the evening was fine. As I left, Mr. Brady told me that I was welcome back anytime.

"Man, you really pulled it off tonight He actually likes you!" beamed Paul, as he drove me home.

"I'm kind of amazed that I survived his interrogation myself," I replied. "By the way, it's your turn on Tuesday."

"What time?" he asked.

"Come by around 6:30. Oh, my mom's questions will be more on your intentions, just in case you want to start working on your answers."

Paul walked me up to the front door. "I'll see you tomorrow. Thanks again for coming by, and I'm glad that everything worked out."

"I had a good time, thanks," I replied.

Paul stood there looking at me. I knew what was on his mind and part of me actually wanted him to do it. He shrugged his shoulders and then leaned over and kissed me. It was a quick little kiss on the lips, but I remember it to this day. Every girl remembers her first kiss!

He walked back to his car and waved good-bye. I stood there for a few seconds and then walked in.

"I'm home," I announced as I hung up my coat.

"Come on in the kitchen, honey," replied Mom.

I walked in the kitchen and saw that Cat was there with her mom. They were all drinking tea. I grabbed my mug and filled it from the teapot.

"How'd it go?" Mom asked.

I proceeded to tell them about my evening at the Bradys.

"I'm pleased that you held your ground," Mom stated proudly.

"Also, when Paul dropped me off he kissed me," I added, taking a sip of tea.

There was a momentary silence. I waited to see who would ask a question first.

"And how do you feel about it?" asked Mom.

"Mixed feelings. Part of me liked it, part of me is very confused, and part of me is scared," I answered.

"Why scared?" asked Terri.

"I know I may be stating the obvious, but this is starting to get a lot deeper and involved that a simple contest. I'm having a lot of conflicting thoughts. And to be honest, I'm not sure I want the contest to end," I announced. Judging by the looks on their faces, I wasn't exactly shocking them.

"And Paul's attraction to you just compounds these feelings," added Terri.

I nodded. "I appreciate your help and advice. It's also good to have someone I can trust to listen to me," I said.

Chapter Sixteen

The campaigns were in full swing. By Wednesday, almost every wall had a multitude of posters and flyers on it. I gave Paul a free ride with one main exception - don't mess with the other candidate's posters. Due to everything going on that week, Paul took a rain check for dinner. He understood completely.

Voting was very strictly monitored to ensure that the ballot box wasn't stuffed. Each ballot allowed you to vote for your top four. All votes had to be in by the end of lunch.

I basically tried to put it out of my mind, but the growing internal conflict with my gender had an influence. Part of me was really hoping to win. I braced myself for the results. They were due to be announced at the end of 6th period. I was in a fog most of the day and 6th period didn't come soon enough. I walked by the display case for the contest and saw that the number of contestants had dropped to 25. I looked at the pictures of the latest to drop out. I really didn't know them that well. I did recognize one. He had been at the football game on Saturday. So there was at least one casualty from Grantville's ignorance.

During PE, Coach Chambers called me over. "If you are a finalist, you will have a meeting to attend right after school. Go to the meeting, I'll know where you are. If you don't make it, well, you can run off your emotions."

"Thanks, Coach."

There was no need to change after PE with practice so soon after school. I did put on my team sweats. I felt a sense of pride from seeing the Wolfhound logo on one side and my name embroidered on the other. We had only two meets left before the playoffs. Barring injuries, I was a lock to earn a letter. I really wanted it too. I saw myself as a vital part of the team.

The sound of Mrs. Lee's voice snapped me back into reality. I walked out of the locker room and stood in the main hallway that led from the gyms to the rest of the school.

"I have the honor to announce this year's Homecoming King & Queen and their court. There will be a mandatory meeting in Rm. 105 immediately. First, I want to thank everyone for participating and for the wonderful campaigns that you all waged. I also need to add that, once again, Willi's write-in campaign fell short."

I listened as she called off the male winners first. As expected, Alex was named King. I was also pleased to hear that Mike Jackson was selected for the court. I really didn't know the other two all that well. Bill Fry was the student government VP, and Chris Taylor was the captain of the soccer team.

Next came the Queen and her court. Kristen was elected Queen. Then came the three members of her court. As I stood there waiting, several members of the team joined me. Laura's name was called off next, followed by Tracey's, and then mine!

The girls around me immediately swamped me. I thanked them and worked my way through well-wishers until I made it to the meeting.

Laura and Kristen ran up and hugged me when I walked in. I was very overwhelmed by it all. Once everyone arrived, Mrs. Lee once again congratulated us.
We were handed a booklet that contained the schedule of events. Mrs. Lee told us to read them overnight. She said that tomorrow we would be pulled out of class for our fittings. A local formal clothing rental company was donating the outfits. They would measure us tomorrow and have the clothes ready Friday.

Friday we would get to ride the float in the parade before the game. Then at half-time we would be presented to the student body. Our last duties would be to open the homecoming dance after the game. There were a few extras thrown in for the girls. On Friday afternoon, we would be given a free total makeover.

After the meeting, I headed back to practice. I ran into Ms. Bell on my way back to the gym. She asked me to stop by and see her tomorrow morning. I said I would and hurried on back to practice.

I reported to Coach Chambers and she told me to warm up and then to catch up with the rest of the team. Running that afternoon was very relaxing. I felt free. Our next meet was the following day, so we had a light practice. I changed and headed to the parking lot. Mom had allowed me to use her car so I could make it to the salon.

The staff at the salon had already heard that I was in the court. They were very happy for me. They colored my hair again and restyled it. Additionally, they gave me a discount on my nails. They were a bit longer than I was used to, but they looked great. I told them about the makeover on Friday and they told me that the woman who was doing it was excellent. I promised them a photo.

I arrived home and Mom was waiting there for me. She was more excited about what was happening than I was. We had a nice dinner at home. I spent the rest of the evening doing homework and reading the agenda for Homecoming.

Chapter Seventeen

The next day I caught a ride to school with Cat and Laura. We talked about the upcoming events. I was keyed up for several reasons. First, there was all the stuff going on with Homecoming, and then there was the meet this afternoon.

"You know, Erika, when I first met you back in August, I knew you'd do well here, but I had no idea that you'd get picked for Homecoming," confessed Cat.

"I would have been shocked if you'd told me that I'd still be the competition after two months," I replied

"Erika, you aren't in any competition anymore," stated Laura. "With every passing day, you leave your old life further behind you."

"Maybe you're right," I said to myself. Deep down I knew she was right, I just wasn't ready to openly admit it.

We got to school early. Laura wanted to soak in the atmosphere of being a "celebrity". I walked down to see Ms. B. Luckily, she was in her office and she waved me in.

"I see that you're having a great week," she announced

"Yes, it's not bad. It still hasn't sunk in about Homecoming."

"I am very proud of what you have accomplished so far. You are a credit to the program."

"Thank you, Ms. B."

"If there is anything you need or have questions about, please feel free to stop by my office."

"I know that, Ms. B, but thanks for the reminder. Is there anything else you need?" I asked.

"No, that's all for now. I'll see you at Homecoming," she replied.

As I walked out her office, I felt that something was up. I knew that she liked me, but there was something else going on. I put it out of my mind as I headed to homeroom.

When I entered my homeroom, I was greeted by a standing ovation. There were several cries of, "Speech! Speech!"

"Thank you, all. I really appreciate your support. I also want to thank all the 'little people' that helped with my campaign," I announced, while looking at Paul with a big smile on my face.

"I want a rebuttal, I'm taller than she is!" protested Paul.

Mr. Grant said it was time to sit down and get to work. I went to my seat and saw Cat grinning at me.

"What are you so happy about?" I asked.

"I am just pleased to see the changes in you. You have come a long way from the shy girl I knew back in August," she whispered.

"Excuse me, Miss Walters, this is for you," interrupted Mr. Grant as he handed me a pass.

"What does it say?" asked Cat, as I looked at it.

"It's my pass to get fitted for my gown. I need to be in Mrs. Roberts's room at 11:00. Cool! That will get me out of Calculus!"

"You'll have to tell me everything at lunch, and I mean everything!"

*******************

Entering the Home Economics classroom, I ran into Laura. "Hey, Erika! You're next!" Laura was really eating this up. I got a kick out of seeing her so happy.

"Hi, Laura, how was it?"

"It was great. Get this - they're even giving us lingerie to go with the gowns!" she exclaimed, holding up a bag, "Don't worry, Ms. B is here and they know about your status. You'll be fine. Well, see you at lunch!" Laura zipped out of the room.

I saw Ms. B talking to an older woman. The woman was dressed in very expensive clothes and everything on her was coordinated and looked... well, it all looked perfect.

"Hi, Erika, I want you to meet Mrs. Lincoln," introduced Ms. B.

"Good morning, Mrs. Lincoln. I'm pleased to meet you."

"So, this is the young woman that I have heard so much about? It is a pleasure to meet you too, Erika. Shall we get started?" replied Mrs. Lincoln.

I nodded as she led me to her work area. I saw Mrs. Roberts sitting at her desk. She looked up and waved to me. I waved back.

Mrs. Lincoln owned several stores in the area. Apparently she'd married well, several times, and divorced even better. Her stores were known to have the newest fashions and were swamped during major social events.

There was another woman standing there. I figured that she was the seamstress. There was no way that Mrs. Lincoln would lower herself to physical labor.

"Well, Erika, let me take a look at you. Yes, very nice. You stay in good shape," she noted.

"I'm on the cross-country team," I explained.

"Alright, dear, I need you to strip down to you bra and panties. We will need to get your measurements," she explained.

I reluctantly stripped down. The other woman took out a tape measure and went over my whole body. She then went to the clothes rack behind her and handed me a gown.

"Please slip this on, dear. It will be a little loose in some places, but that is what Rita is here for," Mrs. Lincoln stated.

The gown was strapless and was silver in color. "Your Queen will be in red. I assume the color choice has something to do with your school colors. I wouldn't select them," added Mrs. Lincoln with a slight smile. "Now what is your shoe size? We need you in heels to get the hem just right."

I put on the heels and stood there in the gown while Rita marked and pinned sections. Luckily, Cat had made me buy some heels and she had taught me to walk in them. I was still a bit wobbly, but I imagine that was due to being nervous.

I was then told to carefully take off the gown. I handed it to Rita and thanked her.

"Now, we need to get you a strapless bra and some other lingerie," continued Mrs. Lincoln.

She had me try on several styles before settling on a style. She then handed me a pair of matching panties, a garter belt, and several pairs of stockings.

"I think that a girl on a special night should be wearing beautiful things on every part of her body. Now those are yours to keep," she stated.

"Thank you, very much. You are very thoughtful," I answered. I was actually pleased by the gift!

Mrs. Lincoln nodded approvingly, "Now, let me see - good, you have pierced ears and only one hole per ear, how refreshing!"

She selected a pair of earrings and a matching necklace.

"Yes, these will work very nicely with your gown. I will bring these to school tomorrow. I want you here at 2:30 sharp. The makeup artist will be here and then we will get you dressed. Now don't forget your lingerie. I will be very disappointed if you forget them. Now, go get dressed. I think you need to get back to class. I will see you tomorrow, Erika."

I put my skirt and sweater back on and slipped on my shoes.

"Good-bye, Rita, thank you. Good-bye, Mrs. Lincoln. Don't worry, I won't forget. Thank you for everything," I said as I left.

As I walked out of the room, I saw Mrs. Roberts and Ms. B standing in the hallway. "She is something, isn't she?" whispered Ms. Roberts.

I smiled and nodded. "See you later, Mrs. Roberts."

I now knew why Laura had been so dreamy when I saw her. It felt good to be pampered. I could get used to it, I thought. I was immediately dragged back into reality when I got back to class. I arrived just in time for a surprise quiz.

At lunch, Laura and I told Cat all about Mrs. Lincoln.

Cat smiled at my description of Mrs. Lincoln. "She sounds like a real character."

"Will you be at the meet this afternoon?" I asked.

"Of course, we do have season tickets you know," quipped Laura. "Besides, it's so nice out."

We were in the middle of a dose of warm weather. It was due to last through the weekend, and then it was due to turn nasty.

"I know. When I saw the gowns for tomorrow, I was expecting to freeze." I replied.

"Oh, we'll be too excited to feel cold," exclaimed Laura.

I just looked at Cat and rolled my eyes, "What have you been feeding her the last few days?"

"I know, I will have to cut all sugar and caffeine out of her diet," added Cat.

"I don't care what you say, I'm going to enjoy every second of this!" exclaimed Laura.

I ran into Paul on my way to my photography class.

"I'll be at the meet this afternoon. Can I drive you home?" asked Paul, smiling at me.

"Sounds great, see you then!"

I sat down next to Caroline and asked her how it was going.

She looked at me and I could tell that she was depressed. "Well, I got into a huge fight with my dad last night. I told him that I was going to the homecoming dance and that I had a date. He kicked me out of the house."

"What are you going to do?" I asked. I was stunned.

"I moved in with my aunt. I'll still be in the district. My mom still supports me."

"If you need anything, let me know." I put my arm around her.

"Besides, I think you know that this is becoming a bit more than a competition for a scholarship for me," she whispered to me.

"What do you mean?" I replied softly.

"I'll call you tonight."

I told her I should be home between 6:00 and 7:00. I also decided to stop by Ms. B's office.

I swung into Ms. B's office on my way to Home Economics. She thanked me for the information and said that she would do what she could for Caroline.

I pretty much drifted through Mrs. Roberts' class. The team was getting dismissed early for the meet, so I was only in class for 20 minutes.

I was really looking forward to the meet. Not so much because of the competition, but because it would allow me to clear my head for a while. I was really concerned for Caroline and her reference to the fact that the contest wasn't important to her.

The meet was a pretty easy victory. Rachael was back and ran as if she'd never been injured. She easily won and we also took the next three positions. I grabbed fourth, but I didn't care what place I was in as long as we won.

I showered and changed and caught up with Laura, Cat, and Paul.

"So are you heading to Guido's?" asked Laura

"Absolutely!" I replied.

Cat left with Laura and I rode over with Paul. He leaned over and kissed me.

"So what was that for?" I asked.

"For fourth place."

After the celebration, he dropped me off and gave me another kiss. This time I responded back. Instead of a short little peck on the lips, we kissed a little longer and a lot more passionately.

"That was nice," stated Paul.

I nodded. "I gotta go. I'll see you tomorrow."

I was just getting in the door when the phone rang. Mom answered and I could hear her tell the person that I'd just got in.

"Hi, honey, Caroline is on the phone,"

"Thanks, Mom," I said as I took the phone from her. "Hi, Caroline, how are you doing?"

"Better, thanks. I appreciate your concern and thanks for talking to Ms. B. She already has helped me."

"Hey, that's what friends are for," I answered. "So, what else is on your mind?"

"Well. I guess I can trust you. Ms. B. is arranging with my mom for me to see a therapist, so I can start my official transition."

"What do you mean?" I asked. Caroline's words were starting to sink in.

"I'm transsexual. I finally stopped fighting it, and I plan to live the rest of my life as a female."

I was initially speechless. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. I knew deep down that I entered the competition not for the scholarship, but because of the chance to be myself. I mean that I'd love to get the scholarship, but I have never felt so free and at ease as I have this year. My aunt is totally accepting, and if my dad doesn't come around, that's his loss. Ms. B says that, to stay in the competition, I won't be able to start hormones until spring. But I can wait."

"Wow! Well, you can count on my support, Caroline."

"Thanks. Look, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep this quiet for now."

"No problem," I answered.

Caroline's revelation had me thinking. Until the competition, I had never thought about dressing in women's clothes. But I had to admit that I was becoming more and more at ease with it.

I also knew that it was deeper than that. I was happy being Erika. I felt a sense of excitement knowing that Caroline was staying in the contest. That meant that I could stay Erika until the end of the school year. I know it was it a bit selfish, but I didn't care.

Chapter Eighteen

The sense of excitement in school on Friday was electrifying. I drifted through my classes and was clock-watching the whole day. Whatever Laura had was apparently contagious, and I was almost as dizzy as she was.

To be honest, I remember very little about the day. I know I was in school, but I cannot remember a single detail between homeroom and 2:30 in the afternoon.

I arrived at Mrs. Robert's room and joined the other three girls. They had to get us ready by 4:30 for the start of the parade.

As they styled my hair and did my makeup, I smiled, thinking about what my friends in my old school would think. I was very curious about what I'd look like. They wouldn't let me see myself until they were finished.

They finally turned me around and I was speechless. I couldn't believe that it was me in the reflection. I thanked them for their wonderful work.

Next came the dress. Kristen was already dressed. She was having her crown adjusted and pinned down. She looked so beautiful. Mrs. Lincoln waved me over and directed me to the dressing area. I needed some help with the stockings and garters. I couldn't seem to line them up right. Mrs. Lincoln had one of her assistants come over and help me.

The dress fit like a glove. I stood there looking at myself in the mirror and was mesmerized. Mrs. Lincoln came up and helped me put my earrings and necklace on. She then set a small tiara on my head and pinned it down.

She leaned over and whispered in my ear, "You look lovely, dear, soak it all in. You will remember this night your whole life."

I slowly walked over to Laura and Tracey. They also both looked incredible. Although, combined we looked like the backup singers for a '50s girl singing group. Mrs. Lincoln was right. Our school colors looked much better on sports uniforms. Still, it did nothing to diminish the joy I was feeling.

We walked down with Kristen to the float. Only two of the guys would be on the float. The game was too important. Alex and Mike would join us at halftime in their uniforms. I was actually surprised that Kristen was skipping the game. The guys were dressed in James Bond tuxedos. Alex and Mike would change into theirs after the game and join us at the dance.

While we waited on the float, Laura and I joked about practicing our royal waves to the masses. Finally the parade started. We waited for a while. We were the last float and we had to follow the band, cars, other floats, etc.

I started to shiver a little as our float started down the street. I wasn't cold, so it had to be nerves. I had a momentary thought that this was some cruel joke, but it quickly faded. We had been told to smile a lot and to wave to everyone. I had no idea how tiring that could be. I searched the crowd for Mom, Cat, and Paul. I finally saw Mom; she was standing up front taking pictures. Terri was standing next to her and was videotaping us.

I saw Paul and Cat a few blocks down. I nudged Laura and she looked over and blew a kiss to Cat. What really surprised me was seeing Paul's parents in the crowd. I was stunned to see that his dad was also videotaping us.

We rode the float into the stadium and were escorted to seats near the field.

"I guess we're a little overdressed for the Pit tonight," joked Tracey.

Laura, Kristen, and I looked at each other, "Oh, my God! This is a red-letter day, Tracey actually told a joke!" exclaimed Kristen.

We all laughed, as Tracey rarely even spoke. As vocal and emotional as she was while leading cheers, she was equally shy elsewhere else.

We watched as Willi ran across the field with our 6-0 Wolfhounds following close behind.

Mike and Alex came over for a couple of photographs, then they ran back to the team.

We were provided wraps to keep us warm until halftime. The game was another blowout. The Glendale Knights were a .500 team and we had little trouble with them. At half time, we were joined by Alex and Mike and paired up to walk out to the 50-yard-line.

Of course, Alex walked with Kristen. Mike followed with Tracey. Bill Fry escorted Laura, and Chris Taylor took my arm. Chris was pretty cool. He kidded me that the girl's cross-country team was the only sport that drew a smaller crowd than soccer. It was true. Football was king at this school and all other sports combined were a distant second.

I was looking forward to hearing my name called out on the PA, but I was too busy concentrating on not falling on my face as we walked to the center of the field. High heels and turf don't mix. The guys were doing a great job supporting us.

The ceremony only lasted a few minutes, but, as Mrs. Lincoln had advised me, I took in every second and savored it. I wanted to remember this night the rest of my life.

The Wolfhounds continued the beating in the second half. At the end of the 3rd quarter, the coach pulled Alex and Mike and sent them in early to change. They joined us a few minutes before the end of the game.

The plan was for us to be taken over to the dance. Our last official duties were to walk in to open the dance. Then Kristen and Alex would get the first dance solo. Then we would join them for the second dance. After that we were on our own. The only rule was that we had to drop off the dresses, jewelry, and shoes before we left.

The entrance into the dance was pretty cool. It was completely dark except for the spotlight that focused on us as we walked in. Again, the King and Queen entered first. I was very nervous before the first dance. I was as talented a dancer as I was a singer. The only thing that made me feel better was when Chris whispered to me that he "sucked at dancing."

Luckily, it was a slow dance and we stumbled our way through it. After the dance, Chris thanked me and excused himself. I remembered that Cat had told me that he was dating a junior. I was about to look for Paul when I looked out and saw Laura dancing with Cat. They were getting a few looks, but otherwise everyone seemed okay with it.

Just then, I felt someone take my hand. I turned to see Paul and he led me out into the mass of dancers.

"I must tell you that I'm a horrible dancer," I whispered as I leaned close to him.

"Don't worry about it, you more than make up for it by the way you look," he replied.

I smiled and did my best. The combination of my lack of dancing ability and the dress limited my movements. I debated going up to Mrs. Robert's room and changing, but I was enjoying the way I looked too much. Okay, I was a little vain, but I think I'd earned the right to be.

In addition to stepping on Paul's feet, I also tried to dance with several other guys. Because of my "mascot" status with the team, I must have danced with half the football team, including Alex and Mike. Paul didn't mind, in fact he seemed to be taking great pleasure in my suffering.

I ran into Caroline and she was with her date. He was a boy from our photography class. She looked very much at ease with her life now. I was so happy for her.

I saw most of the other contestants. Attendance was mandatory and failure to attend could lead to being dropped. In between dances, I ran into Ms. B.

"You seem to having a wonderful time, Erika."

"I really am, even though I can't dance!"

"I think you're doing fine."

Just then one of the photographers walked by. Ms. B waved him over.

"I would really appreciate a photo with you, Erika," she asked.

"Sure, sounds great," I replied. I had posed with several other people that night, including Paul. Laura had given me instructions on how to pose correctly.

After the shot was taken, Ms. B thanked me, saying she wanted a memento of this evening as a sign of the success of the program.

I spent the rest of the evening hanging out with Paul, Laura, and Cat. Before I knew it, it was time to leave. I danced the last dance with Paul. It was, of course, a slow dance and it felt very romantic.

Laura and I walked up together to Mrs. Roberts's room. Mrs. Lincoln was there to ensure we turned in everything. I carefully took off the gown and placed it on the hanger. The shoes were a bit scuffed from the dance, but I guess that was to be expected. I took off the necklace, tiara, and earrings and placed them in their boxes. It was funny, but I had totally forgotten I was wearing the tiara. It was only after I looked in the mirror that I saw it. It really looked out of place with my denim skirt and white blouse. I didn't bother changing my lingerie. I liked the feel of it against my body.

As I handed my stuff in to Mrs. Lincoln, I felt a bit down. I was sorry the night was over.

"Cheer up now, dear, you'll have other evenings to look forward to. I am very proud of you," she smiled, handing me her card. "When the prom comes around, call me. I have some things that would look lovely on you."

"Thank you very much, Mrs. Lincoln." I threw caution to the wind and leaned over and gave her a hug. To my genuine surprise, she returned my display of emotion and wrapped her arms around me.

I walked back to the gym with Laura; she was also sorry the night was over. We found Cat and Paul talking to Alex, Kristen, and a group of other couples.

"Hey, girls, my parents are throwing a little post-party party in the barn, you want to join us?" asked Alex.

"Absolutely!" exclaimed Laura, perking up.

I rode over to the party with Paul. "So, did I tell you how great you looked tonight?"

"Not in the past ten minutes," I replied.

"I don't know how this will turn out, but it's been worth it so far!"

"I agree!"

After being at the party for an hour, I hit the wall. I suddenly felt very tired and Paul took me home. He parked his bug in our driveway.

"Erika, I really had a great time tonight, and I'm happy I got to share it with you!"

He smiled and took me in his arms. I offered no resistance as he started to kiss me. Suddenly, this all felt so normal and natural. We kissed for several minutes.

"I think I'd better go in." I then leaned over and gave him a short kiss on the lips and walked into the house. I didn't fully understand what was happening, but there was no sense in denying that I was now Paul's girlfriend.

Chapter Nineteen

Early November brought in the first taste of winter and I was totally miserable. It wasn't just cold, but windy and rainy too. For the first time in a while, I missed San Diego. To make matters worse, the rules of the competition still required us to wear skirts or dresses four out of five days a week. Cat was truly enjoying my discomfort. Even with tights on I was freezing.

The cross-country team had finished first in the league and our last meet was the area championship. This would be our last meet as a team. Two of our runners, including Rachael Patton, were going to the state finals. So the area championship would be my last meet. I was looking forward to the meet, but sad at the same time. Being on the team had been a great source of joy to me. Coach Chambers told me that I was more than welcome to try out for the spring track team. She said that I would be a welcome addition. I told her I would be happy to try out, if I was still eligible.

"District rules state that anyone earning a letter in a sport is eligible to try out for other sports. Look, Erika, I know we got you on our team initially through a loophole, but that no longer matters. You also helped this team win a championship, and I fully expect you to help us compete tomorrow. Now, I know there is the issue of the scholarship contest. But is it still an issue for you?"

I smiled and shrugged my shoulders. "To be honest, I'm not sure anymore. I am very comfortable with myself right now."

"I suspected as much. Well, be ready for tomorrow's meet and we'll talk about track later."

Paul was waiting for me after practice. I climbed into his VW Bug. I leaned over and he kissed me. I was growing more and more comfortable about dating him. I was now fully accepted in his home and had been to dinner several times since my first combat dinner back in October.

"If you're unhappy now, you're really going to hate it when it gets cold," quipped Paul.

"Ugh, I don't even want to think about it. I wish they'd ease up on the dresses and skirts soon. Even the real girls have stopped wearing skirts and dresses!"

"They're trying to weed your group down some more. After all, they can't afford twenty-two scholarships," explained Paul as he drove me home.

"Twenty-two? So we must have lost a couple more!"

"Hey, don't worry about it. Everything happens for a reason," replied Paul.

Paul dropped me off and we kissed good-bye. I walked quickly to the front door and entered.

"Hi, I'm home," I yelled, as I hung up my coat.

"How was practice?" asked Mom as she cut up some chicken breast.

I went into the kitchen, and as I helped her prepare dinner, I told her about school and practice.

We sat down and talked while dinner cooked. It was a chicken and rice casserole. I was excited about the meet and the last regular-season football game Friday evening. We were undefeated and could clinch the league championship against Red Hill, our rival. I began to notice that something was bothering Mom.

"Is there something wrong?" I asked.

"We got a notice in the mail today. Mrs. Martin's assault trial is starting Monday, and they've subpoenaed you as a witness."

The memories of being attacked after the first home game were still fresh.

"I thought she was going to plea-bargain or something?" I exclaimed angrily. I just wanted this whole mess over.

"Apparently, she's claiming self-defense. The DA thinks that she's bluffing and hoping that you and the other witnesses don't show up. He told me that if you show up, she'll probably plead guilty."

"I'll do it. Besides, being in a courtroom can be used as extra credit in my Civics class!"

After dinner, I called Cat and told her about my chance to be a witness. She agreed with my decision to testify, but she warned me to be careful.

"Why? What do you know that I don't?" I asked.

"Jason is very vindictive. He might seek revenge against you. Did you know that he attends Red Hill now?"

"No, I didn't know that. Do you think he'd be stupid enough to show his face around here?" I asked.

"You're right, he's not that stupid. But if we win Friday, we'll play Red Hill again in the first round of the play-offs. The game will be at a neutral site, Pine Valley High. He's not banned from there. If you help put his mom away, he may try something."

"I'll have to tell my mom this!"

"She knows. My mom just told her," confessed Cat.

Naturally, Mom was worried and I had to beg to go to the game. She said that she would call the police in the morning and see if there was anything that could be done.

It didn't seem as cold the next morning; maybe I was getting used to the weather. Then again, I wasn't in a skirt today. Being it was the day of a meet; I could wear my warm-up sweats just like the rest of the team. I was really going to miss cross-country! Paul picked me up and drove me to school. I told him about the trial and the potential problem with Jason. He said that this meant that he would have to drive me everywhere to ensure my safety. I punched him lightly in the shoulder, and then I gave him a kiss.

School always flew by on the days of meets. Because the area championships were being held at the college, we got out of school early that day. It was pretty exciting to see all the top teams from the area. There were several teams from private schools, and they put much more emphasis on the sport. We knew that winning would be difficult. Coach Chambers told us to go out and run our best, and that we'd be winners in her eyes.

As we got in place for the start of the race, we were all pretty amazed by the size of the crowds. We were used to 20-30 students and family at best, and there were several hundred people there.

The team ran a great race. No, we didn't win. We finished fifth overall, which wasn't too bad as there were 21 teams entered. Rachael finished second overall and that was a great victory in itself. I had a good run but was definitely outclassed by many of the runners. I was just happy that I helped us as a team.

After a team photograph, we headed to Guido's for our traditional post-meet pizza party. Emotions were running a little high, as this was our last meet as a team. Coach Chambers stood up and thanked us for our great effort all season. She then named the letter winners. I felt a great sense of pride when my name was called off.

I rode home with Cat and Laura. Unfortunately, Paul couldn't be there as he was starting a new job. Because of his work on the student paper, he'd been selected for a special internship with the local newspaper. He was pretty excited and I was very happy for him, even though I was a bit disappointed that he wasn't at the meet.

With the meet behind us, we were now focused on the football game. My personal historian, Cat, told me that this week was usually filled with pranks. But in recent years some of the pranks had turned nasty. Students were warned that they would be suspended and possibly face criminal charges for any vandalism.

"The police used to turn a blind eye to the pranks, but they got out of hand," Cat informed me.

"Did the retaliation by the team a few years ago have anything to do with it?" I asked. I was referring to an incident in which some Red Hill students assaulted a couple of contestants and the football team went up there and got revenge by beating up the assailants.

"No, the bad blood had started long before that. Last year, a bunch of cars got vandalized during the game up at Red Hill - slashed tires, sugar in the gas tank, stuff like that. Almost caused a riot. Both schools were told to stop it," added Laura.

"And I thought everything was nice and happy out here in the country," I said with a laugh.

"At least we don't have gang wars and drug dealers on campus like California," said Cat.

"You forgot about earthquakes and riots too," added Laura.

"Yes, but at least it's warm there!" I replied.

"Cold? This isn't cold! Wait until January, and then it will be cold!" explained Cat.

"I hope they relax the dress code for us by then. The point has been made: skirts and cold and wind don't mix. I get it. I mean, I haven't seen either of you two wear one in the last couple of weeks."

"Poor baby," sniffed Cat, with a smile, "but you look so cute in them!"

That was it. I resorted to my secret weapon and starting tickling Cat. I soon had her pleading for mercy and forgiveness.

Chapter Twenty

The highlight of the school day was the pep rally during 6th period. The school was smart to cancel classes, as everyone was distracted. In terms of the schedule and the playoffs, the game had little meaning. We knew that we would be playing them again next week. But in terms of pride, the game meant a lot. Alex told us that their goal was to win, without giving too much away for next week. But he hinted that they would try a few plays to plant the seed for next week.

I was showing my spirit that day. I was wearing a long gray skirt, a red turtleneck sweater, and my black leather boots. However, for the game I fully planned to be in jeans. The game time temperature was supposed to be 40. I'll admit it; I'm a California wimp when it comes to weather.

In the Pit, the feeling was electric. I noticed that there were a lot more rent-a-cops at the game, along with many real police. I saw Officer Bell, but he was too far away to see me. I pointed him out to Cat and Laura.

As usual, Willi led the team out. As expected, it was a rather tight game. Both teams played with caution. Next week's victory was more important. The game went into halftime tied at 7-7. I stayed in the Pit instead of walking around. I was a bit worried that Jason might be at the game. Paul told me that the word was out and that if he showed up he would be immediately reported to the cops. Still, I was a bit nervous.

The second half was a bit more exciting. Mike Jackson started it off by returning the kickoff for a touchdown. I had my camera out, but I got too caught up in the excitement of his run and forgot to take any photos! We scored two more times and the final score was 28-14. What was more important was that we were healthy. There was the usual party out at Alex's barn, but it ended earlier than normal, as the coach wanted them focused for the playoffs.

Paul drove me home and waited until I was inside. I appreciated his looking after me. As usual, Mom was waiting up for me. I told her about the game, over a cup of tea.

"So, how is it going between you and Paul?" she asked.

"We're fine, why?"

"I am a little concerned that's all. You two are getting closer all the time. Have you thought about the consequences?" she asked.

"A little."

"How does Paul see you?" she asked.

"What do you mean?" I took a sip of my tea.

"Look, I'm not judging you or Paul. But is he attracted to you because he sees you as a girl, or as a boy dressed as one?"

I sat there in silence for a moment. "I'm pretty sure he sees me as a girl."

"And the farthest you've gone is kissing?" she asked.

I would have been offended if anyone else was asking me these questions, but my Mom and I had always had a very honest and open relationship, "Yes, that is as far as it has gone, and, yes, we sometimes French kiss."

She smiled. "I just want you to be prepared if and when it gets a bit more serious."

"Oh." I knew what she was talking about. To be honest, it had been on my mind lately. Sexually, as a male, I was still a virgin; I had tried to lose it, but had been very unsuccessful. Oh, I'd had some sexual experience. I'd dated a girl who gave me a few hand jobs and even oral once. Now it occurred to me that I might soon be in her position.

"Look honey, it's normal to want to explore your sexual curiosity. I just want you to be safe."

"I appreciate your concern."

"I think that you and Paul do make a nice couple by the way," she added.

"None of this bothers you, even slightly?" I asked. I figured that, since we were having a heart to heart talk, anything was fair game.

"Concerned, yes; bothered, no. I think you are on a path of self- discovery. I'm here to help you, but you must find it on your own. Besides, you seem to be doing what is natural and right for you. To be upset with you for that, would be like being upset with you for having nicer hair than me," she answered with a smile.

"Is it that obvious?" I asked.

She smiled and nodded. With that we embraced and had a long hug.

"So, how long have you been jealous of my hair?" I asked with a laugh.

Chapter Twenty-One

I was held out of school Monday because of the trial. I was nervous, but also excited. It was egotistical, but it would be fun to be the center of attention. Mom told me I watched too much TV.

Mom ensured that I dressed up and looked professional. I was in a skirt and matching jacket. I was wearing a white blouse underneath. She checked my makeup and was pleased. She told me that the cross- examination might get nasty and personal.

"I hadn't thought of that," I replied.

"Hmm, maybe you haven't been watching too much TV! They always badger the victim in those shows."

"Thanks for making me feel better. Gee, now I remember all those horrible bedtime stories you told me that traumatized me when I was younger!" I replied sarcastically.

"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger!" she added with a smile.

We arrived in the court and were briefed by the DA. He told me that he would present his list of potential witnesses in the opening brief. He told us he'd be shocked if she didn't try to cop a plea.

I looked around the court and saw many people I knew. Mrs. Lee was there too. I think a lot of them were there to see Mrs. Martin get knocked down a notch. She had bullied and threatened the community for years, and now her enemies were there to see her fall. I almost felt sorry for her. I was more pissed with Jason. He was sitting behind her table with the rest of his family. He looked over my way once and glared at me. I returned it with my best stare. Childish, yes, but I wasn't going to cower in front of him again.

The judge entered and we all stood up. I was keeping notes. I wasn't kidding when I told Mom that I could get credit for being here. She asked if I'd get credit if I were the defendant.

As promised, the DA went through the list of potential witnesses and said that he planned to show four different videos of the assault. Mrs. Martin looked back and saw the packed courtroom. I watched as she whispered to her lawyer. He stood up and requested a conference with the judge and the DA. The court was placed in recess. The DA looked over at us and winked. I'd leave that out of my report.

Thirty minutes later, they returned. Mrs. Martin stood up and changed her plea to guilty. She was sentenced to sixty days in jail, two years probation, and 300 hours of community service. The sixty days in jail would be suspended if she attended anger management classes.

I heard some in the crowd complain that she got off lightly. I was okay with the sentence. I felt Jason staring at me as we walked out. I decided to ignore him and kept my back turned toward him.

"Well, since this finished so early, I imagine you'll be coming back to class," stated Mrs. Lee. "I'll be happy to give Erika a lift to school, Ms. Walters."

"Great! Couldn't I get a suspended sentence too?" I quipped, as I walked out with my principal.

Actually, we had a pretty good conversation on the way back to school. She told me how proud she was of the way I had fit into the class. I had to admit that knowing that she was following my activities made me feel good. We both hoped that this incident was over.

I arrived just time for lunch. I received a lot of compliments for my outfit.

"So, the trial ended before you could testify?" asked Laura.

"Yes. I think she accepted defeat when she saw the crowd there to get their pound of flesh. She could have faced a stiffer sentence if she was found guilty by a jury."

"Speaking of a 'pound of flesh,' I think that's what they're serving today in the lunch line!" quipped Cat.

There was an immediate chorus of groans.

"That joke was below even Erika's standards," stated Laura.

"I thought it was funny," I told Cat, "although the portions seem closer to an ounce here."

"See," replied Cat, "a pound's more than an ounce, so my joke is above Erika's!"

We all groaned again.

The rest of the week was relatively uneventful. The buildup to the game was making concentrating on class work hard. Luckily, the team seemed focused and didn't appear to be caught up in the hype.

The night of the game we drove over to Pine Valley. Laura was at the wheel, even though Paul had volunteered. For some reason, no one wanted to sit in the back of his Bug. The drive to Pine Valley took an hour. When we arrived, they directed us to our lot. To avoid problems, the teams and their fans were kept separate. The stands were packed and the Pit was formed around the 40-yard line.

By having the better record, we were considered the "home team." Red Hill came out first with their mascot leading the way. They had a student in a hawk costume. He looked so lame compared to Willi as he ran out before the team.

We took the lead halfway through the first quarter on a thirty-yard pass by Alex. The Hawks fought back and soon had first and goal from the two-yard line. This time, it was Alex waving my old shirt above his head. I don't know if it was the reason or not, but the defense stiffened. After two rushing attempts, Red Hill lost three yards. On third down they attempted a screen pass to their running back. Mike sprinted in and intercepted the ball and returned it 94 yards for a touchdown. We were screaming and jumping up and down during his whole touchdown run.

The score seemed to break Red Hill's back, as they never came close to scoring again. We added two more scores and won 28-0. We were now going to the championship game vs. Crawford High. The game would be played at the local college next Saturday.

The road trip to Alex's barn was a joy. I felt so relieved, not only had we won but there'd been no sign of Jason. Paul told me that there were guys stationed all around us at the game, just hoping that he would show up and try to cause some trouble.

"Did you arrange it?" I asked him.

"No, it was set up by Alex and Mike, your guardian angels. Not that they were needed, because I was there to protect you!"

"I believe you would," I remarked as I leaned over and kissed him.

"You guys are sick," joked Laura.

"Yes, I agree with her. Why can't you be normal like us!" added Cat, who then leaned over and kissed Laura on the cheek.

"Hey, keep your eyes on the road. I can read tomorrow's headlines 'Four Students Killed in Car Accident: Police believe lesbian lust was cause'," joked Paul.

"Maybe, but I'm sure the story would focus on you two lovebirds," quipped Cat.

The party was fun but subdued. The team knew that they had to be ready for next week's game vs. the Mudlarks.

"Just what the hell is a Mudlark?" asked Mike.

"It's the local name for a songbird," answered Cat.

"Oooooh! Look out! Here come the vicious songbirds!" laughed Mike

"We'll just sic Willi on them," added one of the linemen.

"The only bird Willi would attack is a chicken sandwich," added Alex. "Let's keep focused. They are also undefeated and they're the defending champions. So, they're pretty tough birds. We didn't come this far to lose now!"

The room got silent as the team nodded in approval. I could see why Alex was the team leader.

On the way home, I asked Cat when she was going to try out for some game show.

"Maybe I should. I do have a wealth of useless knowledge in my head."

I knew that she had more than useless knowledge. She had a 4.0 GPA and was in the running for class valedictorian. She'd applied to several Ivy League schools and was in line for several scholarships.

Laura dropped Cat and me off at her house. She wanted to show me something. I kissed Paul goodbye and gave Laura a hug. We went into Cat's house and she showed me a letter from Cornell University inviting her to apply.

"Wow! That's fantastic!" I said as I gave her a long hug. We went into her room and accessed their website. She said she had time to make up her mind and that she was expecting a few more letters. Cat then asked me if I'd gotten anything back from schools I applied to.

"I won't be going to school unless I get this scholarship, we can't afford it. If I don't, then it looks like community college until I get some student loans," I explained.

"I know you will, besides, at worst you'll tie with Caroline. She told me last week about her decision. I think it's wonderful."

"So do I. I have to get home. See you tomorrow."

"You okay?" she asked.

I smiled back. "Yes, no problems."

I cut across the yard towards my house; it had been a great evening.

Chapter Twenty-Two

When I agreed to write my story down, I knew this would be one of the most difficult parts to write. My friends and family all agreed that I needed to include it in this account of my life in high school. I agreed with their advice, as it really happened and it had a huge impact on my life.

As I crossed the yard, I was suddenly knocked to the ground. I never heard him coming, and I was caught completely by surprise. I didn't have time to scream out, as someone was sitting on top of me, and he was holding something sharp to my throat.

"If you want to live, bitch, don't make a sound," he whispered. There was a vicious tone to his voice. I felt the blade press closer to my throat. I offered no resistance.
He was wearing a black ski mask and I could smell alcohol on his breath. He then took out a roll of duct tape and taped my mouth shut. Then he rolled me over on my stomach, pulled my hands behind my back, and taped my hands together. Looking back, I don't know why I didn't fight back against him. He then pulled me to my feet and led me through the back yard and through the yard of the house behind us. He led me to a beat-up white van and pushed me in. He then taped my ankles together.

We drove away. I was praying that someone had seen us. Hopefully, he would be pulled over by the police. I knew it had to be Jason, and I had never felt so terrified in my whole life.

After driving around for a while, he pulled off the road. From what I could tell from my position, we were behind the strip mall, maybe five miles from my home.

He pulled me up to my knees and stared at me. I couldn't see his face, but I was still trying to memorize anything possible so I could identify him later; that is, if I lived.

He moved closer to me and I could see him smiling. I noticed that his right front tooth was chipped. I searched my memory to try and remember if Jason had a chipped tooth.

"So, bitch, you want to be a chick; well then, let's see how you can please a real man," he sneered.

To my horror, he unzipped and dropped his pants. He turned around the passenger side seat and sat down. He pulled me closer and then he began to stroke his cock.

I shook my head vigorously, but that only seemed to excite him more.

"Now, slut, get any crazy ideas out of your head, I'll kill you in a second if you try and bite me. I also don't want a peep out of you, except any moans of pleasure!"

There was no way out; I had to do whatever I could in order to survive, and so I could get my revenge. Yes, you bastard you are going to pay, I thought.

He moved my head closer to his cock and then he pulled the tape off my mouth. He pushed me closer. "Open your mouth, bitch," he demanded.

I tried to focus on anything else as he used me. I felt tears dripping down my face as he worked my head back and forth. I noticed that he had a large mole just to the right of his navel and I concentrated on it. I also prayed for help. He climaxed in my mouth and then pulled out and finished shooting his cum all over my face.

He reapplied the tape and pushed me back. He wasn't just content to use me, but he wanted to humiliate me too. I forced myself to remember every single detail. If I survived, I wanted to put him away.

As he sat there, I saw him take a drink from a bottle of something in a brown bag. The last thing I needed was for him to get drunk! He stood up and reached down and pulled me up. He then punched me in the face. He repeated this several times. Taking a drink in between punches.

He tired of this game after a few blows. By now, I couldn't see out of my right eye, and I could feel blood dripping out of my nose. In fact, my whole face hurt. I felt a growing fear that he would kill me.

He then rolled me over on my back. I felt him cut the tape from my ankles and he pulled my legs apart. I tried to pull away, but he was too strong. I felt him pull down my jeans and then my panties and gaff.

"Don't struggle, bitch, I know you want thish," he exclaimed, slurring his words.

I kept telling myself that this wasn't happening, and at the same time hoping it would be over soon.

I felt him wipe something cold and slick between my legs. I felt him press against me and violate me. There was no pleasure, only pain, fear, anger, rage, and hatred. Yes, I truly hated him and wished him dead. My hatred kept me going through it all. I felt him in me. I felt my tears pouring down my face. I tasted blood in my mouth. He then finished and pulled out of me. He pulled up his pants and took another drink as I lay there.

"Maybe I should just cut off your useless little cock; sluts like you don't need one of their own. You can always get some guy to fuck you!" he growled. He then pressed the knife against my male organs.

I held my breath and waited. Would this be how my life ended?

Thankfully, he pulled the knife back and then he then reached down and pulled up my jeans. "Now I'm going to be nice and let you go. Be a good little slut and go home and don't tell anyone," he ordered.

Unwillingly, I nodded - anything to appease him. He grabbed me and pulled me out the back door. I was dragged across the ground. He then lifted me up and tossed me onto the edge of a dumpster. I caught a glance at his van and made out the color and make. It was a white Ford van. I even saw the last three numbers of the plate. He then pushed me in. I found myself on my back surrounded by trash.

"Thish is what happens to trash, you slut!" he laughed, as he pulled away.

I waited until I heard the van drive away. I fought to get on my feet and, after twenty minutes, I worked my way out of the dumpster. Thankfully, he hadn't taped my ankles again. I knew I had to get away, just in case he changed his mind and came back. He had already raped me, he might decide to come back and kill me.

I was cold and in pain, but my mind was clear. Hate does keep the mind clear; it also kept me from passing out. I stumbled to the road and looked for help. It was difficult, as I could only see out of my left eye. I was able to pull the tape away from my mouth. I tried to get the tape off my wrists. Unfortunately, he had taped them too well. I looked around and tried not to panic. It was late and there were no cars in sight. I saw an apartment building in the distance, and I stumbled towards it.

I started shivering uncontrollable. I guess it was a combination of the cold and being so scared. I was terrified by the possibility of Jason returning.

Then I saw the headlights of an 18-wheeler approaching. I jumped up and down to get his attention. The sound of his air brakes was the most beautiful sound I could have heard. My legs immediately went weak, and I fell to the ground. I also started crying uncontrollably, almost hysterically. I guess it was from relief.

The trucker ran over to me. His eyes told me that I must have looked like hell.
He carried me over to his truck and carefully set me down. First, he called for help on his radio, and then he gently loosened the tape around my wrists.

"Help is coming, Missy. Hang in there," he comforted, as he cradled me in his huge arms.

Within minutes, I was in an ambulance and heading to the ER. I tried to tell the policeman everything. I wanted him to get the bastard. He radioed my description of my attacker and the van. He also called for a rape investigator to meet us at the hospital. As the EMT worked on me, I relaxed a little and then the pain of what had happened swept through me. I was now a rape victim!

The EMT was very calm and soothing and did his best to help me. The policeman was also very sensitive to what had happened to me. He apologized as they took samples from my face. I nodded and tried to say that it was okay. I wanted them to have evidence so they could get him.

I was taken into the ER and examined. The doctor was very nice. He told me that my nose might be broken and I had a post-traumatic shock. There was a cut above my right eye, which needed stitches. He told me not to worry, as the scar should blend nicely into my eyebrow. He promised that I would look fine. The eye wasn't injured and he put a cold pack on it to bring down the swelling. I also had a few bruised ribs. I wasn't sure how I'd hurt them. It had to have happened either during the initial attack or when I thrown into the dumpster.

He had to do a total exam, due to the nature of the attack. He worked with a policewoman trained to gather rape evidence. She had to take swabs from my mouth and my rear. The doctor told me that I might have some bleeding for the next few days. Additionally, he ordered the nurse to give me some medication for the pain.

They were both very cool and understanding. A detective came in and continued the questioning. The female police officer also took photos of my face and all the damage. I lost all track of time and have no idea how long they questioned me.

After they'd gotten the evidence they needed, they let Mom in to see me. Of course, she cried as she tried to comfort me. The doctor said that they were going to keep me overnight for observation.

By the time they moved me up to a room, the drugs had pretty much taken their effect. The physical pain was deadened, but the emotional pain was still strong. I gave in and fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Chapter Twenty-Three

When I woke up, I was disoriented. There was an IV in my arm. I looked around the room and saw Mom asleep in a chair pulled up next to my bed. I also noticed Cat, Laura, and Terri asleep in other chairs.

I tried to sit up. I felt so stiff and sore. My nose and eye hurt, and I reached up to touch them. I didn't want to wake anyone, so I pressed the button for the nurse.

The nurse came in and smiled. "Well, I'm happy to see you're awake. How can I help you, dear?"

I tried to smile, but it hurt too much. "Can I have something to drink, please?"

"Sure, I'll be right back. I'll also tell the doctor you're awake," she announced.

I noticed that everyone was now waking up. "Good morning," I greeted them softly.

I still felt like hell, but having my friends and family there made me feel better. Nobody wanted to break the silence.

"I know I must look bad, but please, someone say something," I pleaded softly. I needed to hear their voices.

That broke the ice. They immediately expressed their concern for me.

"When did you guys get here?" I asked, as I slowly sat up.

"We drove your mom here. Laura arrived shortly afterwards with everyone else," explained Cat.

"Everyone else?" I looked around the room.

The nurse came in and brought me a sports bottle filled with water. Thankfully, it had a straw built in. As I took a sip, I winced from the pain in my lips and jaw. The nurse then showed me how to adjust the bed.

"That reminds me, I'll go let them know you're okay," stated Laura. She got up and walked out of the room.

I looked over at Cat. "Who else is here?"

"The waiting room is packed with your friends," announced Mom, "including Paul."

"The word got out pretty fast, and they just started arriving," added Terri.

The doctor came in and checked my injuries. He said that the nurse would be in to remove the IV and she would also give me my medication. He wanted to get an x-ray of my face before he discharged me. He was concerned about my eye socket and also my nose. Fortunately, my teeth were all fine. He said he'd review the x-rays and I should be discharged in the afternoon, but that he wanted me to be back at the end of the week.

He reviewed the chart. "I'll need to remove your sutures, and check your other injuries. I should also have your test results back."

"Test results?" asked Mom.

"Yes, we had to test for HIV and any other STDs. It's standard in all rape cases," he explained. "There'll be a counselor here later to talk with you. I'll see you later, Erika."

As he left, I took a deep breath. "The good news just keeps coming doesn't it?" The reality of the situation hit me hard, and I started to cry.

Mom reached over and hugged me. I finally let it all out and started sobbing. I couldn't stop. I was angry, hurt, humiliated, frightened, and numerous other emotions. They all came pouring out in a stream of tears. Terri and Cat came over and put their hands on me. I don't know how long I cried; it seemed like hours.

"That felt good," I announced as I slowly regained my composure. I tried to smile but it still hurt. I also knew those wouldn't be the last tears I'd shed over this.

The nurse came in and removed the IV. She gave me my pain pills and explained their dosage. She said that she'd be back in an hour to take me to the x-ray room.

After she left, I told them all what had happened. Cat then told me that the police were looking for me when the trucker radioed in for help. She said that, after I left her house, she'd noticed that I'd left my purse in her room, and she called over and found that I had never gotten home. When they went outside, they saw the area on the ground where I had been tackled and found some duct tape. They immediately ran in and called the police.

"Do you think it was Jason?" Mom asked.

"I never saw his face, but he was the right size and shape. He obviously knew me and wanted to hurt me and humiliate me."

"Well, the police are looking for him and his van," Cat informed me.

"Not to change the subject, but can you help me up? I need to see how bad I look," I replied.

"Are you sure, honey?" Mom asked in a concerned tone. The look on her face told me that I looked pretty bad.

"Yes, knowing is better than imagining, and right now my imagination is running in overdrive."

They helped me up, and I walked stiffly over to the mirror. I really looked dreadful. My right eye was still swollen shut and was all multicolored. I saw the sutures near my right eyebrow. My nose was swollen and slightly bent. My lips were split and swollen.

"I suppose that it could be worse. This could have happened the week of homecoming," I quipped. On the outside I was trying to be brave. Inside, I felt like screaming.

I excused myself and used the bathroom. The doctor was right; there was a little bleeding. I went back to my bed and sat down on the end of the bed. Mom sat next to me and I rested my head on her shoulder. Thankfully, she sat on my left side.

Laura came back in. "I told everyone that you were awake, and that you appreciate them coming here, but that you wouldn't be taking visitors right now. As your self-appointed press secretary, I told them that I'd keep them updated on your status by e-mail."

"Thanks. By the way, please tell them not to waste their money on buying flowers or anything like that. I'm not dead yet."

"Sure thing, Erika. Paul is still out there. Do you want to see him?" asked Laura.

I sat there a moment. "Sure, just give me a second to get something on."

Cat grabbed my robe and helped me into it. I sat back down on the side of the bed.

Laura came back in with Paul. He looked like he hadn't slept a wink all night.

"Hi," I said, putting my hand up and waving slightly. "You look like you could use some sleep."

"I don't know what to say," he said. Paul's face said it all. He was running a range of emotions too.

"There's a first," I stated, trying to smile.

"Give her a hug, you idiot," exclaimed Cat.

Laura pushed him towards me. He came over and gently wrapped his arms around me.

"I promised that I would protect you. I'm so sorry I failed you. I'm sorry," he exclaimed.

"You have nothing to be sorry about," I replied. I felt more tears forming.

The nurse came back and ran everyone out except Mom. A detective from the police force and a state trooper came in.

"Hello, Erika, I'm Detective Bill Parker and this is Sgt. John Webb. We need to ask you a few more questions about last night."

The few questions became much more than that. For the next two hours, I told them what had happened and tried to include every detail possible. I searched my mind for everything that might be useful.

Detective Parker closed his notebook and stood up. "I think we've got everything we need for now. We'll keep you informed of our progress. I just want to thank you for being so observant. We'll get him, I promise you that. I also want you to know that your being in the contest has absolutely no bearing on our investigation. We are treating this with the same priority as we would any other sexual assault."

The nurse was waiting for them to leave. They apologized for running a bit late. She pushed in a wheelchair.

"I can walk there myself, thanks," I announced, looking at the chair.

The nurse shook her head and pointed at the chair. "I'm sure you'd try, but you don't have a say in this. Please get in the chair. I've seen people in better shape than you pass out, and you've already been through enough."

I tried to smile and then moved into the chair. She wheeled me down to the X-ray room. The technician was very thoughtful and tried to minimize the pain as he moved me around. He was done in twenty minutes, and I was on my way back to my room.

When I returned, there was a woman talking to Mom. She was in her thirties and had her light brown hair pinned up. She was wearing a Penn State sweatshirt, jeans, and hiking boots. When she turned around, I could see she was also wearing glasses.

"Erika, this is Dr. Jennifer McCall and she needs to talk to you,"

"Please, call me Jenny," she stated as she held out her hand.

I was still in the wheelchair. I started to get up to greet her.

"Please, stay seated. As you've probably guessed, I'm the counselor you were told about."

As we started to talk, Mom got up and left. "It's okay, Erika, I asked her to leave. I prefer to conduct the first sessions without other people in the room."

We talked for over an hour. I immediately felt I could trust her. She explained that I would have good days and bad days, and not to expect to get over this quickly. She recommended that I see her weekly at first and then, if I felt comfortable, she would get me into group counseling. I asked her how they would feel about me being in the group. She said that they would be okay.

We talked about the range of emotions running through me, and she said that it was very common in someone experiencing a traumatic event. I asked her if these feelings and emotions would fade. She smiled and said that they do, but it takes time.

"How long?" I asked, trying to smile.

"It varies from person to person. You may never get over all of it, but you'll learn to live with it. You seem strong, adaptable, and you obviously have a lot of people who care about you. Don't try to get over this by yourself. It isn't a sign of weakness to seek help, but a sign of strength."

"I never thought this would happen to me."

"No one ever does, Erika. Here's my card, call me anytime; I mean it."

"Thank you very much. You've already helped me." I looked at the card. It was another physical reminder of how my life had changed.

She gave me a hug. "I know you think that your case is different because of your true gender, but I've helped other girls like you who have been attacked."

After she left, Mom walked back with the doctor. "Well, to start with, your eye socket is fine. We'll see how your nose looks after the swelling goes down. I can recommend an excellent plastic surgeon who can make any needed corrections. You're free to go home anytime. Now, if you have any problems, don't hesitate to come back in. See you Friday at 3:00. Take care, Erika." He then turned around and walked out.

"I hope you got all that," I said to Mom.

"Yes, I did. The important thing is that you can go home. We brought you some clean clothes. Besides, all your old things were taken as evidence," explained Mom.

"Okay, makes sense. Any word from the police?" I asked as I got dressed. I saw that she'd brought my favorite sweatshirt. I slipped on my panties and then my bra. I was happy that she'd brought my other set of breast pads.

"No, nothing yet."

"So, did they need my boobs for evidence too?" I asked, as I slipped on my jeans.

"Let me check, they gave me a list of what they kept. That's odd, they only list one. That means the other one may have come out during the attack."

She phoned the police and told the detective of this latest bit of information.

I slipped on my socks and loafers. I then looked in the mirror. Mom handed me a brush. I tried to brush my hair, but even that hurt. Still, I made myself look a little better. The rest of my face looked like I'd just been in a boxing match.

Mom stood behind me and put her hand on my shoulder. "The bruises will fade, honey."

"I know, I'm not worried about them," I answered softly.

"Sure, I understand," comforted Mom, as she leaned over and kissed me softly on the forehead.

The nurse came back in. "So, you look ready to go home, have a seat," she ordered, pointing to the chair. "Hospital rules, dear."

Cat, Laura, Paul, and Terri were waiting for us downstairs. I was wheeled outside and we waited for Terri to go get the car. It was cloudy and cold. The sky was a hard gray and there was a strong wind blowing that normally I'd have found unpleasant. That day the cold air felt so clean and refreshing. I stood up and turned in the direction of the wind. I closed my eyes and stood there with the wind blowing past me. I wanted it to wash through me and blow away my pain and troubles.

"Honey, the car is here," announced Mom, snapping me out of my trance.

I nodded and got inside.

Laura and Paul followed in his Bug. It felt good to be going home.

Chapter Twenty-Four

We arrived home, and as I walked slowly towards the house I looked at the place where I'd been attacked. There was still a wrapping of yellow police tape surrounding the area.

"How long will that be there?" I asked.

Mom took my hand and led me into the house. "I'll call the police about it when we get in."

I started feeling really tired, and once we were inside I told everyone that I wanted to take a nap. At the same time I didn't want to be alone, so I crashed on the couch.

When I woke up, it was dark outside. I felt really dopey from the pain pills and it took me a few seconds to clear my head. There was some momentary panic, and I thought I was alone. Then I heard voices from the kitchen and it reassured me. Jenny was right, my friends and family were an asset.

"Hi, guys. What time is it?" I asked, as I shuffled into the kitchen. My mind was foggy and I wondered if it was still Saturday.

"It's only 6:30 in the evening. How do you feel?" asked Mom.

I looked around and saw Cat, Terri, Laura, and Paul sitting there looking at me. "Better."

"Are you hungry? We were about to send out for some pizza," said Mom.

"Sounds good. I actually feel hungry, I guess that's a good sign," I said as I took a seat next to Cat. I realized that I hadn't eaten all day.

"Yes, it is," agreed Terri.

Cat went and called out for the pizza. A minute later the phone rang.

"I'll bet they are checking to see if we really just ordered three pizzas," quipped Paul.

Cat answered it. "Walters residence, may I help you? Yes, just a moment. It's the police," said Cat, handing the phone to Mom.

"This is Ms. Walters," said Mom. She listened for what seemed like hours. "Well, thank you very much, I'll tell her immediately. Thank you very much."

"Well?" I asked nervously.

"They got him," she announced softly, as she put her hand on my shoulder.

There was total silence. All I could do was let out a long sigh of relief.

"Thank God," exclaimed Terri.

"Was it Jason?" I asked.

"Yes. He was arrested up in New York. They think he was heading to Buffalo and then Canada. They found evidence in his van that ties him to the crime. In addition, the three numbers you saw matched up with his plate."

"Good," I sighed. One less worry to deal with. I'd been so afraid that he would come back.

"They said that there will be a news conference on TV around 7:00PM. They wanted us to know so we weren't caught by surprise," explained Mom.

"Well, put the TV on. I have no problem watching it," I remarked. I suddenly felt really hungry.

The pizzas arrived shortly before the news conference started.

My jaw still hurt, but I was willing to put up with the discomfort, as I was famished and the pizza was excellent.

"There's a police car sitting out front," Paul informed us.

I looked over at Mom. I wondered what was wrong.

"It's okay. He's there in case the media break their rules and try to bug us," explained Mom. The press said they had an agreement that they wouldn't try to interview or videotape any rape victim, especially one who was only 17. But with the potential scandal aspect of this case, there was a chance that they might violate their own rules.

"Should I take him some pizza?" asked Paul.

"I'll take it to him, I want to thank every policeman I see," I announced.

Paul walked down with me. The cold air felt very good for a change. He joked that if I fell, he could be Lassie and run for help. As we approached, the officer rolled down his window.

"We thought you might be hungry, and I want to thank all of you," I stated as I handed him some pizza and a coke.

"You're welcome. We're glad we got him. So, you hanging in there?" he asked.

"Doing better, thanks. Take care."

When we got inside, the press conference still hadn't started. Laura was just hanging up the phone. "Your mom said it was okay to start putting the word out."

"Hey, you're just doing your job, you're my press secretary. I really appreciate everyone's concern, and I'll lean on you guys when I need some help."

"It's starting," announced Cat.

Major crimes in our town were rare, and my rape had quickly become big news. The police chief read a prepared statement concerning the arrest of Jason Martin, age 19. Charges were being prepared and they planned to charge him with rape, kidnapping, and felonious assault. Additionally, they'd found drugs in his van. He was being transported back to Golden Hill and was expected to be held without bail.

"He'll be locked up for a long time," stated Terri to no one in particular.

He then opened it up for questions. Thankfully, they didn't mention my name. My status in the contest was brought up, and whether it would make a difference in the charges. The police chief said absolutely not. He went on to say that this was a violent crime that deserved to be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, regardless of the circumstances of the victim. He also stressed that the press should respect my privacy.

"It's really strange listening to someone describing you in such vague terms," said Cat.

"I know," I replied.

I was starting to feel a bit sleepy again. The pain pills not only killed the pain but also really made me sleepy.

I woke up the next morning on the couch. I felt a bit more refreshed and not as sore. I got up and saw Mom asleep in a chair. I put a blanket over her. I looked at the clock and saw that it was 5:00 AM. I went upstairs and took a shower. I did my best to keep my stitches dry. It made shampooing my hair very difficult. The swelling was down a little around my eye, and I could see slightly out of it. The colors around my eye were even more varied. My nose was still very sore. I was also developing two impressive black eyes.

I still had a little bit of bleeding - well, how do I put this politely? - from my butt. The doctor had said that there might be a little bit of bleeding on and off for a few days. I laughed a little, thinking that I now had a reason to wear pads. I looked at myself in the mirror and stared. I decided right then that I would get through this. I would not give the bastard the pleasure of knowing he'd hurt me.

I stepped into my room and got dressed. I put on a bra and panties. I slipped in my boobs. I put on a gray Wolfhound t-shirt and then my team sweats. I wanted comfort clothes right now. I logged onto my computer and checked my e-mail. There were over 200 new messages. It was a little overwhelming, and I had to hold back the tears.

I went downstairs and put the kettle on the stove and turned on the burner. I checked on Mom and she was still asleep. I put in a teabag, English breakfast, and some sugar in my mug and poured the hot water. I wrote a note telling Mom I was upstairs. I added some milk to my tea, and then I picked it up and walked to the stairs. I did a quick check on the front door lock. It was still locked. I noticed that it was the third time that morning that I'd checked the lock.

I went into my room and started to read my mail. I was amazed by the concern. I had mail from students, staff, and friends in town and even some who I had no idea of who they were. I went through each one and at least replied with a thank-you, even if I didn't know them that well.

I gave more detailed responses to close friends. I wrote a long response to Caroline. I also told her that I wanted to ask her some questions sometime about her decision. I saw a message from Coach Chambers, and I told her I was sitting in my sweats right now and how safe and secure I felt in them. There was also a message from Ms. B. I wrote a very lengthy response to her. I even told her about Jenny.

After an hour, I was through about a third of the mail. I was interrupted by knocking at my door.

"Honey, is everything okay?" asked Mom.

"Yes, come on in." I went back to typing.

"Honey, you need to unlock the door," she explained.

I got up and opened the door. "Sorry, I didn't realize I'd locked it,"

"That's okay. That's a common reaction. How're you feeling this morning?"

"Better, thanks. I'm going through my mail. I'm kind of blown away by the response. I don't even know some of them. By the way, did you get an address for the truck driver who found me? I want to send him a thank you note."

"I'll get it for you. I think that's a wonderful idea. I'd love to thank him myself."

"Thanks."

She pulled up a chair and sat next to me. "I talked to Mrs. Lee yesterday, she says that you can stay home as long as you need to. They'll bring your assignments."

"Well, if it's okay with you, I'd like to get right back to school. I need to stay busy. I know that the first day back will be a little overwhelming, but I have to do it."

"I see. Let's play it by ear then. We'll see how you feel later today. So, do you feel like eating?"

"Sure, pancakes would really hit the spot," I replied with a smile.

"Okay, I'm going to a grab a shower and get dressed first. I'll call you when they're ready. Do you want me to lock your door on the way out?"

"Not necessary, but thanks for asking."

I worked on responding to my mail. I then wrote one to Paul. I asked him for a favor. Around thirty minutes later, I got his response. He wrote that it was a great idea and it would be ready later in the afternoon. He said he'd bring it by around 5:00 PM. He also told me that his family wished me the best.

I went downstairs and found Mom preparing breakfast. I looked out the front door and saw that the paper was on the front step. I didn't see the police, but then I didn't see any news vans. I opened up the front door and picked up the paper. I was pleased to see that the little yellow fence was gone. I closed and locked the door.

In the local section, Jason's arrest was the top story. I read the article even though it brought back a lot of bad memories. I was sticking to my plan of not running away from this.

"Get this, the article says that Jason's lawyer claims that it was consensual and that Jason didn't know my true gender until after the act. The assault was just a normal response from a shocked young man. He also claims that Jason was the true victim. You don't think that anyone will believe this bull?"

"His lawyer will have to try something, but you have the truth on your side. Plus, the very fact that he attacked you once before kind of makes his whole argument moot," remarked Mom.

"If he's hoping that I'll be intimidated then he's highly mistaken!" I could feel my rage growing.

"That's exactly what I was hoping you'd say."

Chapter Twenty-Five

Breakfast was excellent and it really hit the spot. It also calmed me down. I felt almost normal. I helped Mom to clean up.

"I have something to tell you. I want you to know that the events of this weekend just helped me accept that it's the right decision. I want to stay as Erika. I want to be a girl." There, I'd said it. I looked at Mom and tried to gauge her reaction.

"I've been waiting for this for several weeks. I've suspected that you've been struggling with this for a while. I fully support your decision, and I'll be here for you." Mom leaned over and gave me a long gentle hug.

"I'll just go through the rest of the year like Caroline. I don't see any reason to make this public yet. Besides, everyone treats me like a girl anyway."

"Are you going to tell anyone else?" asked Mom.

"I'll tell Cat and Terri, but I don't think they'll be surprised. I'll also tell Paul, Laura, and Caroline. But again, I think they may have known before I did."

"What about Ms. Bell?" asked Mom.

"Yes, I owe her that," I said.

I spent the rest of the day grabbing naps and answering mail. The physical pain was decreasing. I told Mom about the favor I'd asked of Paul. She thought it was funny, appropriate, and consistent with my personality.

Terri and Cat made lasagna for dinner and brought it over. There was enough for a small army. Luckily, Laura and Paul showed up. Paul slipped me a bag and I took it upstairs and inspected it. It was just what I wanted.

"So, what's the big secret?" asked Laura.

"I want to save it for tomorrow," I said.

"You're not serious about going back to school tomorrow, are you?" asked Terri.

"I'm planning on it. I need to be around people. If I stay home, I'll have too much time to think. I want to stay busy."

"Yes, but can you make it through the day?" asked a concerned Laura.

"I don't know, but I want to try," I answered firmly.

Laura looked at me as if I was crazy. "I don't agree with your logic, but I'll be there for you."

"So will I," added Cat.

"Me, too!" stated Paul.

The dinner was great. Jenny was right, my friends and family were a great source of strength.

After dinner, I told them all that I was going to stay Erika. The responses were interesting. They all supported my decision and didn't seem that surprised. Cat and Terri were like "what's the big deal?" Laura was giddy and so happy for me. Paul looked very content and pleased with my decision.

We made plans for tomorrow. Laura and Paul would meet us here and we'd all ride in together.

I walked Paul to the door. "So, I take it you approve of my decision to stay as Erika?"

He glanced back at the kitchen, then he gently kissed me on my swollen lips. "I was so afraid I had lost you. Yes, I'm very happy," he said. "Well, get some sleep; it'll be a long day."

We kissed one last time.

"So, I guess you'll be going to school without any makeup tomorrow," added Laura.

I smiled a little. It was still a bit painful. "I doubt if even those makeup artists from homecoming could cover all this up." The bruises were spreading out, and the whole right side of my face was multicolored and still a bit swollen. I was also bruised beneath my left eye.

"You do have a rather unique look," added Cat.

"There's also a part of me that wants everyone to see this. Especially after the crap that bastard's lawyer is putting out. I want everyone in school to see me and to tell their parents and friends," I said angrily. I felt tears forming in my eyes

"I see that we still have a little anger issue," stated Cat with a smile. She handed me the box of tissues.

"You'd better have a few of those with you tomorrow," suggested Laura.

"You mean tissues? I plan to," I replied.

"Actually I was thinking that you should have several boxes with you!" joked Laura.

They left a few minutes later. I felt so lucky to have them for friends

Mom suggested that I take a long hot bath before going to bed. I followed her advice and she was right, it really relaxed me. As I lay there, I reflected on the weekend and the highs and lows. I decided that overall the good outweighed the bad.

Chapter Twenty-Six

I had a little trouble getting out of bed and even more trouble waking up. Maybe I was pushing this too soon. No, I knew I had to do this. My multicolored face in the mirror greeted me in the mirror. The swelling was down, and I could see out of both eyes completely for the first time since my attack. I also saw my raccoon eyes. I had two very black eyes. The doctor had said that some of the bruises might come in delayed. After showering, I got dressed. I put on one of my long denim skirts and my long black boots. I put on my bra and slipped in my boobs. I thought about starting hormones in a few months and it gave me a smile. I slipped on a top, then I put on the sweatshirt that Paul had made me. I liked it.

"You up for this, dear? I can take the day off if necessary," asked Mom.

"I'd rather you save your days off for something fun. Thanks, but I feel good enough to get through this." I appreciated her concern, but I just had to go to school. I wanted to show everyone that Jason hadn't crushed me.

"Alright, honey, but you have my number; call me if you change your mind." Mom then leaned over and kissed me.

There was a knock at the front door.

"That should be Cat!" I walked over to the door and looked out the peephole. I was right, it was Cat. I unlocked the door and let her in.

"Good morning," she greeted as she walked in. "Oh, I love your makeup, but why did you stop with the right side?"

"I ran out of makeup."

She nodded approvingly at my sweatshirt. "You plan on wearing that all day?" she asked, laughing.

"Yep!" I turned around so she could see the back.

Cat laughed even louder. "I approve 100 percent."

We saw Laura pull up in the driveway. Paul was with her.

"Bye, Mom." She gave me a long gentle hug.

The last time I'd felt this nervous was the first day of school back in August. But this was different. I had to go to school today. I wanted to prove to everyone, and especially myself, that I wasn't a weak, vulnerable victim.

"You ready to do this?" asked Laura, as she put her arm around my shoulders.

"Yes, let's go!" I replied.

As I stated earlier, major crimes in Golden Hill were rare. The fact that one had involved a high school student was big news, and I was sure everyone had heard what had happened to me.

I was slightly overwhelmed by the stares as I walked to homeroom. I could feel every eye on me, and I could almost feel it as they pointed at me. I got to my locker and took off my coat and grabbed my books and put them in my bag. As I walked down the hall, their eyes were drawn to my shirt. I could see their stares turn to smiles. I saw them nod at me and some gave me the thumbs up. I could hear some laughs as they read the back.

Laura came up and read my shirt and smiled. "Leave it you to make a joke out of this. I'm so proud of you," she said as she hugged me.

The sweatshirt stated in large red letters, "I FEEL MUCH BETTER, THANK YOU!" and on the back it said, "I FEEL BETTER THAN I LOOK!"

I reached homeroom and waited outside until Cat and Paul caught up.

"How're you holding up?" asked Cat.

I could hear the concern in her voice. "Okay. My emotions are pretty loose right now. Well, let's get it over with!"

We walked in and all heads turned to me. I sat down next to Cat. I was a little surprised by their reactions. I didn't expect them to be silent. I was about to tell them that it was okay to talk to me when Mr. Grant asked the whole class to step out into the hall. I joined the line out and he pulled me out.

"Miss Walters, I need you to sit here for a minute," stated Mr. Grant.

He stood between door and me. There was a knock and he looked at me and smiled. "Okay, would you follow me, please?"

Out in the hallway there was a mass of humanity. It looked like the entire senior class and much of the staff. They then stepped aside and revealed a large banner taped to the lockers. It was nearly five feet long, and there were flowers forming a border. It was filled with messages of encouragement and best wishes from the students and staff. I completely lost it. But at least this time they were tears of joy and not fear, anger, or hatred.

Laura and Cat handed me tissues. I tried in vain to regain control of my emotions.

"I can't express what this means to me. This is unbelievable. Thank you all so much. I also want to thank those who spent Friday night and early Saturday morning in the Golden Hill Hospital waiting room. It really gave me a boost when I heard you were there. I was told that one of my assets that would help me through this was my friends; and I know that I can count on every one of you, just as you can always count on me. Thank you!"

They then swamped me. Luckily Cat, Paul, and Laura were there to protect me. I was still a little fragile physically, and I didn't want to get crushed.

Paul and Laura rolled up the banner for me and I put it in my locker. I was twenty minutes late for English, but then again so was every other senior.

Chapter Twenty-Six

By lunch, I was near total exhaustion, but I was determined to make it through the whole day. Actually I only had one more class. I'd been excused from PE for the next few weeks. Coach Chambers had arranged for me to work for Ms. B in the front office. It would also allow me to talk to her.

Ms. B. was very understanding and saw that I was beat. She let me just sit and relax.

"I like your sweatshirt, was that your idea?" she asked.

"Yes." I then went into my reasons for wanting to be in school today.

"I fully understand, but remember that you're only human. Don't push yourself too hard. I'd hate to see you come crashing down."

I then told her about my decision to stay as Erika.

She smiled and told me she was happy that I'd discovered the real me. She said she'd known weeks ago. "I wouldn't worry about telling your friends; from the response today, I'd say that everyone has pretty much accepted you as Erika."

"You know, I'd like to be able to tell one person who didn't know this before me," I stated in mock anger.

"Erika, I've been observing students like you for several years. Now that you have come forward, I can let you in on a little secret, but you must not tell anyone. Do you promise?" she asked.

"Absolutely. I swear not to tell anyone," I said.

"Well, I don't run this program entirely by myself. There are other teachers and staff who assist and who provide me with reports. We're not just looking for violations, but we're also looking for girls like you. We know that there are boys entering the competition whose true nature comes out once they are involved, and some may be entering because they have a conflict with their gender. Part of my job is to help them in their transition and make it as smooth as possible, but we do not directly contact them until they come to us. We're not recruiting anyone. We watch, we observe, and we try to protect."

"Was I the first to get raped?" I asked.

"Yes, and hopefully the last. There was no way to foresee that Jason Martin was so deranged. I hope that you don't hold that against us?" she asked.

I shook my head. "The only person I blame is in jail. So, is finding and helping people like me the main reason for the contest?

"No, it's kind of a fringe benefit. I'll let you know more about the main reasons later."

I was fighting to stay awake, and I guess that she noticed as I tried to hold in a yawn.

"Erika, you look exhausted. Let me drive you home. I'll get word to your friends."

I offered no argument. She was right; I was totally burned out. I really needed to sleep. I also wanted to read the banner, but sleep won out. Actually, I fell asleep in her car going home. I stumbled towards the house and waved goodbye. I was happy to see that she waited until I was in the house before driving away. I went into the family room and crashed on the couch.

Mom woke me up for dinner. We just warmed up some of the leftover lasagna. I showed her the banner and told her how it was presented to me.

"No one will tell me who instigated it, but maybe that's for the best." I had already picked a place in my room to hang it.

A few minutes later, Mom told me that the DA had called and wanted to know if I could stop by for some more questions. Without any hesitation I said yes.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

We went in on Tuesday afternoon after school. I wore a dress, pantyhose, and high heels. I still didn't bother with makeup. Even though the swelling was down, in some ways I looked worse. My black eyes complemented the rest of my bruises quite nicely. My other reason for not using makeup was that I wanted the DA to see what Jason had done to me.

After we arrived, a female officer took Mom and me into an interrogation room. The officer explained that it's the DA's official policy that whenever a male is questioning a woman, a female officer must be present.

I felt good knowing that the DA was treating me as a woman, even though he knew that I was physically male.

The DA was very nice. He was the same one who had prosecuted the case against Jason's mother. His name was Sam Warren. He told me that he really appreciated my help. Because of my age, he was hesitant about me taking the stand at trial, and he wanted to avoid the necessity of my having to testify before the grand jury if at all possible. I told him that I wanted to ensure that Jason was put away for a long time.

Sam explained what would happen.

"Erika, this session will be videotaped and will be used in the grand jury hearing. That is when I'll present evidence concerning your case. The grand jury will then decide if there is sufficient evidence to indict Jason. It's a legal formality, and I want to reassure you that we have a very strong case," explained Sam.

"What happens next?" I asked.

"If they decide to indict Jason, he will be arraigned before a judge, and he'll be officially notified of the charges against him. He will then be allowed to enter a plea, if he desires," continued Sam.

"Where will this happen?" I asked.

"In an open courtroom."

"Do I have to be there?" I asked.

"No, that's not required."

"Will the video be enough, or will she have to testify before the grand jury?" asked Mom.

"The video should be enough. We have a lot of physical evidence to support the charges," stated Sam. "Again, let me reassure you that we have a very strong case."

"Let's do it," I stated.

Sam nodded. "Ms. Walters, you may stay here, but I need you to sit behind Erika and not speak to her while I'm questioning her. We don't want the defense to think that you coached Erika."

"I understand," replied Mom. She stood up and sat down next to the policewoman.

"You ready, Erika?" asked Sam.

I nodded.

The video camera was turned on and he swore me in. I gave my full male name, but Sam addressed me as Erika. I truly appreciated that!

He said that they were building a very strong case against Jason. He asked me if I was sure about the mole on his stomach. I told him that I was and that it was to the right of his bellybutton. I also described the size and shape.

"Is that to the right from your point of view, or to his own right?" asked Sam.

"Oh! From my point of view as I was looking at him. I was hoping it was cancerous as I stared at it," I added.

He smirked slightly at my comment and then he showed me a photo of Jason's stomach. There was the mole, just as I'd remembered it.

He then asked me what was the other main thing I remembered about him. I replied that it was his chipped right front tooth.

He asked me to describe it in as much detail as possible. I closed my eyes and tried to picture it.

"It's chipped on the outside corner of his right front tooth. It's smooth and looks like it happened a while ago."

He took out several pictures of front teeth and asked me if I recognized any of them. I focused in on one right away. I picked it up and stared at it.

"This is it," I answered positively.

"Are you sure?" he asked.

"Positively. I focused on it while he was cursing me out and after each time he hit me."

He turned the photo over and stated, "The witness has identified photo B, which is the photo taken of suspect Jason Martin," he said. He turned off the camera and then he looked at the mirror on the wall and smiled.

I looked at the mirror and asked who was behind there. He smiled and said no one anymore. He said that one of his assistants and also the lawyer for the defendant had been back there.

"I'm hoping he'll go back to his client and recommend that he plead guilty. I wanted him to see how tough you will be on the stand and that it would be a grave mistake to try to discredit you. Once we get the DNA evidence processed, it will be a grand slam."

"Good. So do you think that they'll want to go to trial?" I asked

"That is what I'd advise. They might offer a plea bargain, but I doubt it. But the defendant is a psycho. I think he'll go to trial just for the attention and the hope that his lawyer can discredit you. We'll get a better idea of their plans at the arraignment. I must warn you that rape trials are very trying on the victim. What you read in the paper is just a taste of what they will try. But I will be there for you. You won't be alone."

"I'll still do it. You can tell his lawyer that I am not backing down. Jason tried to humiliate and break me and he failed."

"Good. We'll stay in contact. I don't expect to go to trial until spring. I'm fighting to keep him locked up until then," he added. "His attempted flight to Canada makes it fairly likely that the judge will not grant him bail."

"Thank you very much."

Mom's cell phone began to ring and she excused herself. I stayed and talked to Sam until she returned. I figured it was someone from work calling her.

I was very quiet on the way home.

"Penny for your thoughts, honey?" asked Mom.

"I was just thinking that I won't get peace until he's convicted. I also think that he's going to try to humiliate me, but I can't let him win."

"I just got some good news from the hospital, your lab tests all came back clean. They do want to repeat them again in a few weeks, just to be positive, but it looks good. We still have to go in Friday to get your sutures removed."

I let out a long sigh. "That's a relief. I just want to get back to school. I want my biggest worry to be the championship game and getting good grades." But deep down I knew that it wouldn't be that simple.

Chapter Twenty-Eight

I continued to try to put the assault behind me. On the outside my bruises were fading, but inside I was still in turmoil - not enough to stop me from functioning, but it was always there.

Thankfully, the upcoming football game on Saturday served as a much needed distraction. We were playing the Crawford Mudlarks for the championship. The game was being played at the local college. Their stadium held 20,000, and from what I'd heard the game would be a sellout. The game was being touted as the biggest game in years. I fully planned to be there. Laura had arranged for tickets for the entire Pit.

On Thursday, I talked with Caroline during photography class. I asked her if she wanted to get together after school. I wanted to tell her about my decision to remain as Erika, and I didn't want to "out" her in class accidentally. Instead we talked about the cartoons that she and Paul wrote together. They were always current and often hilarious. No one was sacred, but they didn't allow it to get mean-spirited. I was very happy to see her get the recognition from her peers that she deserved.

She said that she'd love to get together and that she'd stop by my house around 4:00.

She smiled at me. "I think I know what you want to talk about."

I smiled back. Just once, I'd like to be able to find someone who hadn't figured this out before me, I thought.

I caught a ride home with Paul. He was on his way to his job with the local paper. I was pleased that he waited until I was inside the house before he drove off. I was a bit skittish about my security. Mom said that it was a normal response; still, I planned to talk to my counselor, Jenny McCall, tomorrow afternoon. Before my session, I first had to go to the doctor and have the sutures near my right eyebrow removed. I hoped that the doctor was right and that the scar wouldn't be too noticeable.

Caroline arrived a little after 4:00 and we went into the kitchen. I was drinking a cup of hot tea and I offered her some.

"That's okay, do you have something cold?" asked Caroline.

I looked in the fridge and ran through the inventory. She decided on a Diet Coke.

"So, tell me all about your decision!" she stated.

"You aren't even going to let me try to surprise you?" I responded.

"Nope!" she said, sipping her soda.

I smiled. "Well, I'd been thinking more and more about it in the past few weeks. For all practical purposes, I knew that I was Erika and to return to my past life would be difficult. I was getting ready to tell my mom when the attack happened," I paused for a moment. I felt myself choking up a bit, and my eyes were feeling moist. I felt Caroline's hand holding mine. I looked up and smiled at her. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize. You need to let it out occasionally," comforted Caroline.

I grabbed a tissue and wiped my tears. "Thanks. Anyway, the attack just reaffirmed my decision. I definitely know that this is my path in life. I talked with Ms. B and she was very helpful and supportive."

We talked for another hour and then she had to take off. I walked her to the door and waved good-bye. I watched her drive off and then I closed and locked the front door.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

I had a major dose of conflicting emotions on Friday. I was excited about the game and the pep rally that was taking place during fifth and sixth periods. However, there was the dose of reality of having to see the doctor and then to see Jenny, my therapist and counselor.

I swung by the competition display cases and saw that we were down to eighteen contestants. I scanned the faces. I soon realized that I only knew a few of them. There were a few that I didn't even know their names. I then got a brainstorm and walked over to Ms. B's office. She totally agreed with me that the remaining members of the group were not very close. She liked my idea of us having a weekly group meeting and that she would schedule one next week.

"We tried it a few years ago and it didn't work, but this year looks different. Usually we're in single digits by now, but since we have such a big group I think it will work. Thank you, Erika."

In Civics we got the great news that we had to submit our topic for our research paper on Monday. I really liked our teacher. His name was Mr. Kline, and he was sort of an aging hippie. I think he was in his late fifties, and he still wore his hair in a long gray ponytail and usually wore jeans and t-shirts. He really tried to get us to expand our minds and to make us form actual opinions.

I walked up to him after class. "Excuse me, Mr. Kline, I was wondering if I could do my paper on the judicial system? Specifically, I want to focus on the process that the state uses from the crime to the actual trial."

He looked at me and smiled. "Hmmm, I wonder why you want to do that?" he stated in a slightly sarcastic tone. "Yes, Erica, that would be an excellent topic for you. Now tell me, what's your opinion on the way your case has been handled?"

Another thing I liked about Mr. Kline was that he treated us like adults. "I'm impressed with the DA, Mr. Warren. He seems very concerned with my rights and feelings."

"Has he told you about the way defense lawyers treat rape victims?" he asked in a concerned manner.

"Yes. He told me that they would prepare me when we get closer to trial. He's hoping that the other side offers a deal, but he isn't too optimistic."

"Well, I have some contacts with a few victims' rights groups, and I'll let them know about your situation. They might be able to provide some help. They have some excellent experts that your DA might be interested in using. I know this will be very difficult for you. Feel free to drop in anytime you need to talk."

"Thank you. I truly appreciate your concern."

I thought that it hadn't been a bad day so far. It was also nice that it didn't hurt as much to smile.

The pep rally was awesome. We all piled into the gym. The band was playing so loud that you could actually feel it. I waved to Kristen and Tracey. I saw that Rachael was back. She'd been at the State Championships and had been out of town since Saturday. She had placed second overall, and they were going to honor her during the pep rally. I saw she was waving at me, and I got out of my seat and walked down to her.

"Erika, I was so shocked when I heard what happened," she greeted me as she carefully hugged me.

"Your taking second place gave me a lift."

"That reminds me, I want to show you this." She opened up her bag and showed me her shoes. She had written my initials on her shoes. "I did this to honor you at the meet. I think it gave me luck."

"Thank you." I started to wipe my eyes. Rachael was also crying. We then both started laughing. We hugged and I went back to my seat. It was still a pretty good day.

Chapter Thirty

After the pep rally, I rode with Mom to the hospital. The doctor was pleased to see me. He examined my face and seemed happy with my progress. He took out the sutures and put a new bandage on it. He also asked me about some other issues. I told him that I hadn't had any bleeding since Monday morning. He then told me that the test results on Jason had also come back negative. He went into his desk and pulled out some information on plastic surgery and he handed it to Mom. Personally, I didn't think my nose looked that bad.

We then stopped at Jenny's office. It was located in a small medical complex near the hospital. The receptionist had me take a seat and fill out a form. I only had to wait a few minutes before I was taken back to see Jenny.

She was more dressed up than the last time I'd seen her. She was wearing a gray skirt, a white blouse, and a black blazer.

"So, tell me how you feel and remember, you don't have to hold back and give an answer you think that I want to hear," she asked with a smile.

"Thanks, actually I'm doing okay, as long as I'm with other people, or when I'm really busy. Being alone, or just having free time to think is pretty tough. As tired as I was all week, I'm glad I went to school."

She had me tell her all about the past few days and what was going through my mind. It was nice to have someone I could talk to who I could be totally open with. We even talked about my initial contact with the DA. She also told me to set aside time to relax.

"Will it be as bad as he said it will when I'm cross-examined?" I asked.

"No, it could be much worse. I know the lawyer defending Jason. He can be very brutal. He will bring up any detail that might make the jury think that you brought this on yourself. He has already shown his hand a bit, and your being a transsexual will be a major issue," stated Jenny. She saw my surprise at her calling me a transsexual. "Jean Bell is a very old and dear friend. She called me and we discussed your situation at great length. She obviously thinks a lot of you. I hope you don't mind."

"No, I don't mind, in fact it makes me feel a bit better."

"Anyway, you can expect to be dragged through the mud. His actions will be like a second assault. I understand the legal concept of fighting for your client; I don't understand the cruel way in which it is often done. That's why many rape victims won't even report the crime or take the stand, even when it means the attacker will get off."

"I will be ready. I want to see him locked up for as long as legally possible."

"Good. You will have a chance to make a victim's statement at the end of the trial. It can be your chance to tell him what you think. Let's continue this next week at the same time; is that good for you?"

I nodded. "Yes, that sounds good. Thank you, again!"

Chapter Thirty-One

I met Mom outside in the waiting area and we made the next appointment. As we drove home, I talked to her about my session.

"You don't have to talk about this unless you want to, honey."

"I don't mind and it helps me to express my thoughts. You can even pretend to listen if you want."

"Sounds good. I'll nod occasionally and say something like yes or hmmmm or okay. I'll just pretend I'm you when I'm lecturing you on something."

I broke out in laughter. It felt good.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. There was a phone message from a Mrs. Lincoln for you this afternoon. She wants you to call her back. She was wondering if you'd be interested in working for her as a salesgirl in one of her shops. So, who is she?"

I smiled thinking about the best way to describe Mrs. Lincoln. "She was the woman who provided the gowns for Homecoming. She is unique. She dresses and speaks very formally and everything is perfect. She comes off as being a bit of a snob, but she's really very sweet."

"Do you think that you might want to work for her? It could be a great opportunity."

"Well, I do have free time, now that cross-country is over. Coach has asked me to go out for track, but that won't be until spring. I'd rather be doing something other than just sit around. I just wonder if she'd want me as a salesgirl now, being I look rather gruesome."

"You do not look gruesome, and the bruises are fading. I think you should call her."

When we got home, I found the message and called her. "Good evening, Mrs. Lincoln, this is Erika Walters and I'm returning your call."

"Erika, oh yes, thank you for being so prompt. I would like to hire you as a salesgirl for my store at the Golden Hill Mall. I believe that is only a mile away from your home. I would need you three days a week, 6:00-9:00PM, and Sunday afternoon 12:00-5:00PM. You will be required to be well dressed and well groomed. I will see to the clothing. I provide all my employees with outfits to model during their shifts. I would like you to start Monday. I need to get you trained before the holiday rush starts."

I was caught off-guard by her offer. From the sound of it, she had already made up her mind.

"It sounds great, but I don't think that I am presently qualified." Before I could finish she interrupted me.

"Nonsense. I saw the way you handled yourself at that school event of yours. You can more than handle the position I am offering you."

"It's not that. I don't know if you heard, but I was attacked this past weekend and I got beat up really badly. I'm afraid I'd frighten your customers."

"Nonsense, child. I will be at the Golden Hill store for another hour. You come down here and we'll talk. I expect to see you soon. Good- bye."

I hung up the phone and shook my head. I told Mom what she'd said and I asked her for the keys to the car.

"You up to going by yourself? Why don't I join you? We can grab dinner down there afterwards."

I shrugged my shoulders. "Okay." But I was relieved to have her come along.

Chapter Thirty-Two

I changed before going over. I put on a nicer skirt and sweater. I also put on my favorite black boots. I figured she'd take one look at my face and come up with some polite excuse. I tried to estimate how long it would take for them to all fade away. Anyway, it would it be a few weeks at least.

On the way over, Mom asked me if I was nervous about seeing Mrs. Lincoln.

"No, I was just thinking about the attack. I am so angry that he took away my freedom and left me with fear."

"You'll get your confidence back; it will take time, and it is all part of the healing process."

We walked into the mall and over to Mrs. Lincoln's store. We agreed to meet in an hour by the Chinese restaurant. I went in and asked to see Mrs. Lincoln. The sales woman walked me to the back. We stopped outside a door and she told me to wait outside.

She knocked and entered. "Excuse me, Mrs. Lincoln. The young lady you were expecting has arrived." She turned to me and smiled. "Go right in."

I entered and found Mrs. Lincoln getting up from her desk. Her office was just like her, it was beautiful and extremely orderly with everything in place.

"Good evening, Erika, please have a seat. Now, let me take a look at you."

She stood up and walked around and looked at my face. She appeared to be taking mental notes as she inspected the damage.

"He definitely seems to have done a thorough job. Still, I see that the bruises are showing signs of fading. Your nose is a bit crooked, but it isn't bad. That scar above your right eye should heal in time. No, I see no reason why this unfortunate incident should stop you from working for me. By midweek, we should be able to cover much of the damage with makeup."

I let out a slight sigh of relief.

Sensing my release of relief, she smiled softly at me. "Dear, I am not trivializing what happened to you. You were attacked and violated in a most heinous way. That will take time to recover from. In the meantime, you have to go on with your life. I still want to hire you. But I want you to get one thing, I am not hiring you out of pity. I also will not cut you any slack. You showed me something back in October, and I believe that you have great potential."

I waited a second to see if she was really done or just grabbing a breath. "I accept your offer. I'm really looking forward to working for you."

"Excellent. I knew that you would see it my way," she stated. Mrs. Lincoln proceeded to talk to me for the next thirty minutes about what she expected from her sales force. She sounded demanding, but fair. I had to admit that the idea of wearing expensive outfits every day at work sounded like fun. I was told that I would start Monday and she expected to see me here at 5:45 PM.

Chapter Thirty-Three

I met Mom just outside the restaurant. I told her that I now had a job and that I was starting on Monday. As we ate our dinner, Mom noticed a couple sitting at a nearby table staring at me. I had seen them too, but was trying to ignore them. The woman had pointed at me and then leaned over to the man and whispered something to him. He would then look over at us and then whisper back to her.

It was really annoying and distracting. I could feel them both looking at me and I turned towards them. They quickly turned away and pretended to be talking about something. As soon as I looked away, they started staring at me again.

I finally had enough and turned around suddenly. "Is there something I can help you with?" I asked sweetly.

At first, they were at a loss for words. My question had obviously caught them off guard.

Finally the woman spoke. "I'm sorry to be so rude, but are you the girl who was attacked this past weekend?" she asked in a low, soft voice.

I fought my instinct to give her a sarcastic answer. "Yes, I am."

"I thought it was you. I'm glad to see you are doing better than the last time I saw you," she explained.

"I'm sorry, should I know you?" I asked. I was taken aback by her response. How did she know me?

She smiled. "I told Bill that you didn't remember me, very few do. I'm Officer Nina Robbins; I was in the ER with you last week."

Then it hit me, she was the policewoman who was assigned to collect evidence of the assault. I instantly broke out in a huge smile. "I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you. I do remember your kindness and how you treated me. Thank you for being so understanding. By the way, I'm Erika and this is my mom."

"It's a real pleasure to meet you. I'm Jill Walters," Mom greeted them, extending her hand.

"Nice to meet you, Jill, this is my husband, Bill. You should be very proud of Erika, as she gave us a very detailed description of the perpetrator and his vehicle. That is why we were able to catch him so quickly."

"I'm very proud of her," beamed Mom.

Bill had the staff move our tables together so we could continue our conversation a little more comfortably. We found out that Bill was also a policeman and had just been promoted to detective. I was thinking that, thanks to the Martins, I now knew half the police force - well, maybe not half. It was the only good thing about meeting them, I felt.

It was a fun evening. I thought that overall it had been a very good day. Jenny had told me to take things slowly, so a good day was something to be cherished.

Chapter Thirty-Four

I woke up Saturday morning and eagerly got ready for the game. I showered and did my new daily ritual of checking the progress of my recovery. I still looked bad, but at least the bruises were fading. I looked at the bottle of pain pills and was glad that I didn't need them anymore. It had been three days since I had last taken one. My ribs were still a little sore, but I had gotten used to that. Also, my nose still hurt a little, but not enough for drugs. The scar above my right eye was still gross looking. Still, I looked a lot better than I had a week ago. My body had an involuntary shiver at the thought of my assault. I started to slip into feelings of self-pity and "why me?" but I quickly ran those ideas out of my brain. Overall, I was having an above average school year and, without this incident, it would be a great year. Still, it was hard not to get a crime as personal as this one was out of my mind.

I slipped on my jeans and put on my bra and boobs. I must admit the idea of having my own, real boobs was pretty exciting. I had done some online research about hormones and how long they would take to cause change. Caroline and I were planning to ask Ms. B if we could start sooner than April. I wouldn't risk the scholarship, but I wanted to get started as soon as possible. I slipped on a red turtleneck top and then my new Wolfhound sweatshirt. My old one was sitting in a police evidence room along with my favorite pair of jeans.

I went downstairs and joined Mom at the breakfast table. I asked her if she was sure about not coming to the game. She told me that she'd never really liked football and that she liked being out in the cold watching even less. She said that she was going to get some quiet time in. I knew there was a better reason, but I decided not to press her. I suspected it had something to do with my father.

Cat called and said that everyone was meeting at her place around 10:00. I told her about the job and meeting Nina in the Chinese restaurant. Cat told me that she was seriously thinking of going into law enforcement. I was stunned, as I had thought she was capable of so much more. But then she said that she wanted to focus on the science and forensic investigation side of police work. I asked her why the sudden career decision, and she told me that she had been thinking about it for a while, but she'd made up her mind after my attack. She liked the idea of helping nail people like Jason.

I had no trouble going over to Cat's house. The fact that I took the long route and did not cut across the yard was very logical. It was to avoid getting mud on my shoes. No, even I didn't believe that one. I was happy that I did walk over without an escort, so we'll call that a victory.

Laura and Paul arrived a few minutes later. We were so excited. The Wolfhounds just had to win this game. I really needed us to win. That may sound selfish, but I really didn't need any more disappointment in my life.

We arrived at the stadium and parked the car. The crowd was unbelievable. The game had attracted a lot of football fans from all over the area. Many figured that both starting quarterbacks were going to be at major universities and that they might end up in the pros, so this game could one day achieve legendary status.

We found our seats and did what we had done all season; that was to stand for the whole game. Thankfully, they didn't put the adults near us. I'm sure that they would have complained about our standing and our noise level.

We watched the familiar sight of Willi leading out the Wolfhounds. The team seemed really focused. Then came the returning champions onto the field. The Mudlarks also looked very focused.

Both teams played the first quarter very carefully and conservatively. We were slowly winning the battle of field position, due to our great punting. Paul kept pointing this out to me. I let him go. I didn't want to tell him that I had played football in Junior High. Why burst his bubble?

The game was 0-0 at the end of the first quarter. During the delay, I looked around the Pit. I saw Caroline and waved to her. Then I felt someone tapping my shoulder. It was Rachael. She had a huge smile on her face.

"Why are you so happy?" I asked.

"Here, use these. Look at their feet," said Rachael, handing me a pair of binoculars.

I looked through them and focused on the feet of the team. I could just make out a small EW on many of their shoes.

"I showed Alex what I had done to my shoes for the meet, and he thought it was a great idea and that he would do it too. I guess it kind of caught on," she said.

"Thank you, Rachael. You just made my day!" I replied, barely holding back my tears.

"Hey, you really won me and the rest of the team over. I doubt if you know this, but the team wasn't very happy when Coach first brought you on the team. Some of the girls were ready to quit. But, when we saw that you just wanted to help the team, we changed our minds. I am really happy and very proud to call you a teammate."

I gave her a hug and thanked her again. Thankfully, the game started up again and prevented us from making an even bigger emotional display. We had the ball around our 40-yard line when Alex threw a long pass. We hadn't noticed that Mike had been brought into the game as a receiver. With his speed, he easily outran the defender and caught the ball at their 20. He sprinted into the end zone for a touchdown. The Pit went ballistic. We were all jumping up and down and screaming. I had to be careful not to get hit in the nose. The last place I wanted to end up today was the ER.

The Mudlarks took the kickoff and moved up the field. They crossed midfield and were starting to get their offense going. Then we caught a break. Their receiver slipped and fell down on a timing play, and the only player near the ball was Mike. He easily won the race to the end zone, and, just like that, we had a two-touchdown lead!

There was no more scoring in the first half. We felt good about having the lead, but Chris Taylor pointed out that Crawford was trailing last year and scored on all of their four possessions in the second half to win the championship. I knew that there was no way that our team would fold. I thought about their little tribute to me. I was glad that no one else had noticed it; they didn't do it for attention or to look good to the rest of the school. Rachael promised not to tell anyone else.

We kicked off to start the second half. It was up to the defense now. The Mudlark's QB was really good; fortunately his receivers couldn't catch a cold. They dropped several easy balls. We began to sense that this could be our day.

We got the ball back and moved slowly up the field. Obviously, we were trying to take as much time off the clock as possible, while keeping possession of the ball. We were on their 35 and the coach put Mike in again as a wide receiver. They immediately double-teamed him and this left our running back wide open. He came out of the backfield and ran out on the opposite side of Mike. Alex faked a pass deep to Mike and then tossed a screen pass to the RB. There was no one near him, and he easily ran in for the score.

The Mudlarks tried to come back and they did mount a late drive in the fourth quarter but it stalled inside our 10-yard line. Even if they scored, there was less than two minutes left on the clock. The defense was not about to give up their shutout without a fight. Crawford's last chance to score was a fourth down play from our 2-yard line. Alex was waving the remnants of my old t-shirt. I looked at it and that incident seemed like years ago.

Their QB tried to throw a short pass to their tight end, but he was covered and, when he threw to their secondary receiver, Mike intercepted the pass. There was no one near him and everyone thought he would run it back for a final score. He could have easily run it back for a TD, as the receiver was on the ground and there wasn't another Mudlark near him, but instead he took a knee in the end zone. There was no need to rub Crawford's nose in the dirt. The clock showed only thirty seconds left. That show of sportsmanship by Mike was the most impressive thing I had seen him do all year.

Alex led the offense out for one last play, and then the celebration started. It felt great to be jumping around like a total idiot. To this very day, thinking about that victory brings a smile to my face. I can close my eyes and picture us all celebrating that wonderful season.

Chapter Thirty-Five

We headed out to the barn for the party. I admit that being part of the inner circle was really cool. I know that I initially got in because of Cat, but now I was totally accepted.

Alex's parents had the place all decorated in the school's colors. There were red and silver streamers and balloons all over the place. I ran into Mike and Tracey almost immediately. She was still a little uncomfortable around me, but then again she was pretty shy when she wasn't being a cheerleader. I congratulated Mike on a great season and a great game. I then thanked him for the little tribute.

"I only wish I had hit that bastard harder when I had the chance. Oh! By the way, we are going to place your old torn shirt in the display case with the game ball. It is now part of school history."

"Thanks for the honor. I doubt anyone will know why there is a rag in the display case ten years from now, but I will always remember it."

I thought about how important this season had been to me. Being in the Pit was my weekly therapy and I would miss it.

I finally got close to Alex and thanked him for what he had done. He smiled and gave me a hug, I winced a little as he grabbed me around the waist, but I didn't say anything. I didn't want everyone to think I was fragile.

Everyone was still in shock, as the victory hadn't really sunk in yet. Yes, there was celebrating and everyone was happy, but there was also a look of disbelief in many people's eyes. I don't think that the magnitude of our victory sank in until the next day.

There were other parties going on, but we decided to go back to my house instead. We picked up a few pizzas on the way for dinner. We talked about the upcoming Thanksgiving break and where everyone was going. This was the last full week of school. The following week we had only two days of class.

Paul and his family were driving to his grandparents in Harrisburg. Laura and her family were going to Pittsburgh for a big family get- together. Cat and I were staying put, and our families were doing a small dinner together with our moms.

Then Cat looked over at Laura and gave her a look. Laura nodded and then said, "Sure, I'd rather you tell them."

"Laura and I have a little announcement. We have decided to stop seeing each other. We would rather just be good friends right now," explained Cat.

"Neither of us was ready for a long relationship, and we felt it was better to end it now than to lose our friendship too," added Laura.

I got up and hugged both of them. Paul also expressed his support.

After Paul and Laura left, I talked with Cat in private.

"So, how do you feel? It actually feels good to be the one asking that question for a change," I quipped.

Cat smiled. "I'm okay with it. It was very stressful on Laura and her family. I know that our feelings were genuine and not some sort of experiment. I love her, but I'm content to have her as a friend."

"That's cool," I replied. "If you need a shoulder to cry on, I am always here for you. It's the least I can do, after all you've done for me."

"Thanks, Erika, I appreciate it. While we're on the topic, how are you and Paul doing? I've noticed you aren't as romantic. I saw that you didn't kiss him good-bye."

"You should become an investigator; I guess it may have something to do with the attack. I just feel uncomfortable when he gets romantic. I know he can tell that something is wrong. He's very sweet and caring and I don't want to hurt him. It's not fair! He did nothing wrong, and I am punishing him. I'm wondering if we should split up," I vented.

"I'm not telling you what to do, but it might be wise. You need time to heal. But you can't push away those who love you. I think you should tell him how you feel. Maybe you can work through this, or maybe you'll just stay friends. But if you don't talk, then it will end badly. Both of you deserve better than that."

"How did you become so wise?"

Cat smiled and we hugged again. After she left, I thought about what she had said. The more I thought about it, I knew she was right. I decided to call Paul in the morning and sit down and talk. I put this down as another casualty of Jason's attack.

**************

The next day I called Paul. He seemed to know exactly why I was calling, even though he didn't say it.

He came over around 1:00 and we sat down in the kitchen. I decided to be straightforward and tell him exactly how I felt. He sat there and listened.

"I'm really sorry. You are very special to me, but I just don't think I can return your affection right now."

"I understand, Erika. I sensed it all this week. I want to do what is good for you. If you just want to be friends for now, I understand. But this doesn't mean I'm happy about it. When you are ready, I'll be there. I've never seen you as anyone other than a beautiful girl. I am just so angry at that bastard, I could kill him!"

'You'll have to get in line behind me. So, we are still friends?"

"Please! I will always be your friend, even if we don't get back together."

"Thanks. I won't be offended if you want to date other people. There's no reason for both of us to suffer."

"Let's not worry about that for now. Let's just consider this a break of undetermined length. Do you mind if I give you a hug?"

"No, in fact I really need one - just don't press too hard, my ribs are still sore," I asked, fighting back tears.

He gently took me in his arms and held me. We both knew that this was the right thing to do, but why then did it feel so bad?

He held me for a long time. When we pulled away, I reached for the box of tissues. He sat there in silence.

"I guess I'd better get going. You still want a lift to school tomorrow?" he asked.

"Sure, I'm still a California wimp; I don't think I could survive the walk in the cold. Thank you for understanding."

He smiled. "I wouldn't call it understanding, rather accepting."

We walked to the front door and I watched him drive away. I turned around and saw Mom walking down the stairs.

"So now what?" I asked, as I brushed a tear away.

She smiled and came down the stairs and put her arm around me. "Well, honey, I've always found that ice cream works at times like this." She put her arm around my shoulders and led me into the kitchen.

Chapter Thirty-Six

I arrived at Mrs. Lincoln's store at 5:40PM. I had no intention of being late for my first day of work. I was wearing a dark blue skirt, matching jacket and a white silk blouse. I was even wearing pantyhose! I checked my face in my compact mirror before entering. The bruises on my face were slowly fading; they were still visible, even though I had spent a lot of time trying to cover them with makeup.

I was looking forward to starting my new job, as I needed something to throw myself into. I didn't want free time to think about the assault or breaking up with Paul. I knew that breaking up with Paul was the right decision, but it still hurt. Now, I just needed to get into being a normal teenager - well, make that a semi-normal teenager, as I knew that I'd never be really normal! Besides, being normal was overrated.

Mrs. Lincoln seemed pleased to see that I was on time. She introduced me to one of the women standing by the front counter, "Erika, I would like you to meet Cindy Ziegler, she is my store manager and she will be your supervisor."

"Pleased to meet you, Ms. Ziegler," I greeted her.

"Thank, you Erika," Ms. Ziegler turned to Mrs. Lincoln and said, "Polite. That is very refreshing to see in a young woman."

Cindy Zeigler looked like she was in her late thirties. She wore her black hair pinned up and it made her look very distinguished. However she was very down to earth. Like all the other employees, she was wearing a beautiful dress.

I was pleased that she referred to me as a young woman.

"Erika, you can call me Cindy," she replied, with a big smile. "We are a family here."

I nodded. "Thank you, Cindy."

"Well, I will leave you in Cindy's very capable hands. Welcome to the family, dear," stated Mrs. Lincoln. Without another word, she turned around and walked back to her office.

Cindy took me by the arm and led me through the shop. "Let me show you around first, and then we'll get you properly dressed for work."

Cindy explained that, unlike Mrs. Lincoln's other businesses this store did not deal in rentals. I looked at the quality and prices of the outfits. Everything was top of the line and the prices reflected this.

"I know what you're thinking; how can she stay in business in this little town? She's been in business in this town for thirty years. She knows fashion and has unbelievable connections in the industry. We have regular customers who live over 200 miles away. And what she doesn't have, she will get," Cindy explained. "She's also using the Internet. We started a website three years ago."

Another woman walked over and interrupted us for a second. She asked Cindy about the location of a dress that had been special ordered. The other woman was in her twenties, short, thin and had short blonde hair.

"Mel, this is Erika," introduced Cindy. "She's our newest employee."

Mel extended her hand. "Hi Erika, I'm Mel, it's short for Melissa."

"Pleased to meet you, Mel," I said. I instantly liked her.

"We'll talk later, Nice to meet you." Mel then left to get the special order.

"Mel was also hired by Mrs. Lincoln out of high school. She is now doing her postgraduate work over at the college," explained Cindy. "Now, let's get you into something nice!"

In the back room there were several racks of clothing, each outfit had a label on it with an employee's name on it. I saw one with mine on it.

Cindy started looking through the rack, as if she was looking for something specific. "Mrs. Lincoln selected these with you in mind. She also selects all our outfits. Here, why don't you try this one?"

She handed me a navy colored cocktail dress and a matching pair of shoes. Everything fit perfectly. Cindy was impressed and gave me some hints for accessories. She told me to keep my earring selection simple for now.

Cindy also helped me with my makeup. She gave me a few hints on how to cover up my bruises. I was amazed at the difference.

"Wow, I can't believe it," I exclaimed, as I looked in the mirror. A huge smile broke out on my face. The bruises were barely noticeable.

"Mrs. Lincoln sent me to a course on makeup several years ago. She wanted me to help the employees," she explained.

I couldn't stop looking at my reflection in the mirror. "Thank you, this is the best I've looked in a while."

Cindy stood there smiling. "Yes, dear, I know. So, are you ready to learn some more?"

"Absolutely," I replied, as I took one last look at myself. It felt great to look "normal" again!

I was kept very busy the rest of the evening. I was amazed by everything that I had to learn. I would be a trainee for the next few weeks. The goal was to have me ready for the Christmas/New Year rush. I thought the hardest thing about the job would be wearing heels. By the end of the night, my feet were killing me!

Chapter Thirty-Seven

Thankfully, even though the group had just gone through a massive dating break-up, we were all still friends. Paul still kidded me in homeroom, and Laura, Cat, and I still ate lunch together. In some ways, it made us all a lot closer. I told them about my new job on the ride to school.

As Cat and I walked to homeroom, I told her that I had to go in to see the DA that afternoon.

"They want to tell me something about the case. I was wondering if you would like to join me? That is, if you are still interested in that sort of thing," I asked, with a smile.

"That would be great! What time?" she asked.

"Right after school," I replied.

Cat hugged me. "Count me in."

When I reached homeroom, I was given a pass by Mr. Grant. I opened and started reading it.

"What's up?" asked Cat.

"Ms. B wants to see me. I think it's about that weekly meeting she was thinking about starting," I explained.

I grabbed my books and left. I couldn't help but notice Paul smiling at me. I let out a small sigh as I stepped out into the hall.

As I thought, the reason for the pass was to tell me that there would be a mandatory meeting of all contestants this Thursday afternoon. The meeting would be held during lunch and would be in room 131. Ms. B told me that notices were going out to everyone today.

"You seem a bit down, what's up?" she asked.

"I broke up with Paul. We're still friends - well, I think we are. I just don't feel comfortable being close with a boy right now. Does any of this make any sense or am I rambling?" I asked.

"Yes, it does. Looking at your circumstances, it makes sense. Work on your recovery and then, if it was meant to be, you'll get back with him. If not, it isn't the end of the world."

"Thanks," I replied with a smile. "I'll see you Thursday."

"Bring your lunch and don't be late!"

That afternoon on the way to see the DA, I told Cat of my internal struggles on breaking up with Paul.

"I mean, he did nothing wrong. In fact, he was unbelievably understanding and I pushed him aside," I sighed. "That must make me look like a total jerk."

"No, it makes you look human," answered Cat. "I have no idea of how bad it was for you during the attack, and I hope I never do. But if it was as bad as I think it was, you'll need time to get yourself right. To be honest, I doubt that you'll really find peace until after the trial. Paul is a great guy and he understands. Don't forget, I've known him a lot longer than you have."

"Has he talked to you about me lately?" I asked.

"Yes. We talked Monday evening on the phone. He's trying to understand what's going on. I told him to be content with being friends and to wait it out"

"Thanks," I answered. I felt a little better.

We went into the DA's office and sat down in the waiting area. Mom joined us a few minutes later. After a few minutes, Sam Warren came out and greeted us.

"This is my best friend, Cat; she is very interested in law enforcement," I said as I introduced Cat.

He looked at her as if he was trying to place her name. "Oh, yes! Caitlin Hawkins, you're the one who first noticed that Erika was missing. I was reading your statement last week. It's a pleasure to meet you."

He led us back to his office and told me that he just wanted to let me know that the initial DNA tests had come back and matched to Jason.

"We've matched Jason's DNA to samples taken from you at the hospital and from your clothing. Your bloodstains were found in Jason's van and on his jeans and sweatshirt. Additionally, we have Jason's fingerprints on the duct tape that was used to tie you up," reported Sam. "The lab techs are still waiting for confirmation on several other samples."

"So, that should be it, right?" I asked.

"I wish it was that simple. We are still waiting for the private lab report. Of course the defense is still claiming that it was consensual," explained Sam.

"And how're they explaining the fact that she was found taped up?" asked Mom.

Sam shrugged his shoulders. "Good question. I doubt they have a good excuse. The statement from the truck driver is also very strong. I have more than enough evidence to submit to the grand jury," replied Sam.

"So, are they going to take this thing to trial?" I asked. My disappointment was evident in the tone of my voice. I was hoping there wouldn't be a trial, as I really didn't want to be in the spotlight.

"Well, they did offer to plead guilty to a minor charge in exchange for dropping the rest of the charges. But it's a joke. They would only plead guilty to simple assault. Don't worry, we never even considered accepting it," he stated. "I plan on filing a multitude of charges against Jason. Starting off with kidnapping, assault and battery, forcible sexual assault, aggravated felonious assault, forcible rape, and several other charges."

"So, when will this trial start?" asked Mom.

"We thought they'd want to wait and draw it out, but they have pushed for a trial as soon as possible. We haven't got a firm date, but I expect it to start in early February. He has the right to push for a prompt trial."

"Why so soon?" asked Mom.

"I think they hope to create a sensation. They'll claim that his rights were violated and hope to get a sympathetic jury."

"What about my rights?" I asked in a slightly annoyed tone.

"Actually, your being here is part of your rights. I'm required by law to inform you of any plea bargains, even ones as ridiculous as the one they just offered. As we get closer to the trial, I'll brief you on what they can ask and what they can't. I want this conviction badly, Erika, and we will ensure that he won't get off on a technicality," explained Sam.

"I believe you. I guess sooner is better than later," I stated. There was something about Sam that made me trust him.

"Do you think they'll try to negotiate a plea bargain?" asked Mom.

"I would if I was defending him. However his lawyer seems convinced that he can win. If there is a plea bargain, I won't settle for less than twenty years in prison," answered Sam.

"If the evidence against Jason is so strong why would you consider accepting a plea bargain?" asked Mom.

"I'd do it to protect Erika," stated Sam. "I fully expect that Jason's lawyer will go after her hard."

"Thank you, but I want to testify," I stated firmly.

Sam nodded. "I kind of expected that to be your answer."

"Will she have to testify at the grand jury?" asked Mom.

"Right now, I'd say no. I have no plan on calling her, although it's possible that the grand jury might want to question her. I suspect that the video will be sufficient, as they've been satisfied with videos in the past. You'll be contacted either way," answered Sam.

After the official part of the meeting, he asked Cat if she would like a tour of their lab.

"It's small and we send most of our major evidence to the State Police, but it should give you a better idea of what we use," explained Sam.

"I'd love to see it!" exclaimed Cat. She turned to me and asked, "You don't mind do you, Erika?"

"No, not at all, take your time; I'll catch a ride back home with Mom. Call me when you get home," I asked.

On the drive home, Mom asked me if I really was comfortable with the prospect of an early trial.

"I just want to get it over," I sighed. "The longer the wait, the more time I'll have to worry about it."

Chapter Thirty-Eight

I was finishing up some homework when Cat called. She sounded very excited. She said that she'd be right over and that she had something great to tell me.

"You won't believe this, but they're offering me an internship down at the police lab! I'll spend three afternoons a week down there, and they'll even take me to the main lab some weekend!" she exclaimed.

"They just offered it to you?" I asked. I had heard of the opening and had talked to the DA about Cat.

"Well, they had a person earlier this year but they quit. When I told them my academic background, they offered it to me. Of course, they have to check with Mom and the school, but I don't expect any problems," explained Cat.

"That is way cool! Well, now we have spies in both the press and the police. Soon we take over!" I answered with my best mad scientist laugh.

"I want to thank you so much for recommending me. Yes, they told me that you had asked about the program for me," thanked Cat.

"I just wanted to try to pay you back for everything you've done for me," I replied.

There was a long pause. We both sat there looking at each other.

"Do you still have a crush on me?" she asked softly.

I looked at her and nodded, as I knew it would be pointless to lie. "Yes. I love you just as much as before, but I also want to keep you as my best friend in the world."

Cat nodded. "I want you to know that I feel the same way. I can't imagine you not being in my life. You are very dear to me."

"Too bad our friendship is so strong, otherwise we could start dating," I quipped a smile.

"I knew you'd understand," smiled Cat.

Chapter Thirty-Nine

I had another great night at work, and I told Cat and Laura all about it Thursday morning on the drive to school. Paul wasn't with us because he had to go to the newspaper immediately after school.

"So, today is the first group meeting of the survivors of the great scholarship contest?" asked Laura.

"Yes. It should be interesting," I replied with a smile. It may have just been my imagination, but I began to notice that Laura was becoming interested in me, and not in a regular friendship sort of way. I kept remembering her comment about liking "boys like me." Laura was really sweet and to be honest I had always thought a girl like her would be out of reach for me.

"Interesting is a bit of an understatement," quipped Cat.

We were allowed to bring our lunches into the meeting. I sat next to Caroline. We looked around the room and counted sixteen others. The number of contestants had stayed at eighteen for the past week. I noticed that of the group in my PE class, there were only three left. I still wondered how many of them were in on the note that Jason wrote.

Ms. B walked in and welcomed us all to the meeting. She said that this would be held every Thursday that school was in session.

"Its purpose is to allow you to get to know each other better. I want to make a few ground rules. First, whatever is said in here stays here, I want you to feel free to talk. Second, this meeting is for contestants only. Any questions?" she explained.

We all looked around the room and didn't see any hands.

"Okay, I have a few more announcements to make. Starting next week, you may now wear pants three days a week. This rule will stay in effect until spring," she announced.

There was a huge sigh of relief followed by a spontaneous round of applause.

Ms. B smiled at our reaction. "Apparently that was a popular decision! Next, the week after the Christmas holiday break, there will be a special meeting. As you know the contest in past years has been just about over by now, but I know from talking too many of you that it might last well into spring this time. So, there will be some special new challenges that you will have to accomplish. We've had this plan for years, but have never had the opportunity to use it. I want to make this very clear; the activities are designed, not to humiliate you, but to give you more insight into the gender you have been living since the start of the school year."

She paused to give us time to absorb what she had said.

"Now, I am not able to tell you what all these challenges will be, but many of you will not find them that difficult. Hopefully, you'll have some fun doing them I will tell you that one of them is that for second semester each of you will be required to take child development."

A round of groans met this announcement. There was a hand raised.

"Yes, Ann?" asked Ms. B.

Ann was tall and thin. I had talked to her a few times in English. She had entered as a way of paying off money she owed to her sisters. She told me that her goal was to make it at least into February, as that would pay off the debt.

"Does that mean we'll have to do everything in the class?"

"Yes, it does," answered Ms. B, with a smile

More groans. That meant that we'd each be stuck with "the baby" for a weekend. It was a doll with electronic sensors in it. The sensors recorded any abuse or failure to provide correct care. The baby was set to start crying randomly, and it needed a special key inserted into the back to make it stop. The sensors would record how well we met the needs. I'd heard many girls say that it was the worst weekend of their lives, and that it convinced them to avoid getting pregnant until they were ready.

Oh, then there was the other big part of the course. There was also the "pregnant for a day" requirement. All students got to wear a pregnancy empathy belly for one school day.

"Any other questions? None? Okay, now I'd like to go around the room and have you introduce yourselves and tell us why you really entered the competition. Again, everything stays in here," she reiterated.

"Hi! I'm Ann, and I entered to pay off a debt to my sisters," she stated.

Her answer brought out a lot of laughs. The rest of the group each stood up and gave their name and reasons. There were a few that stood out. Lisa was a pretty Korean. She had entered because her girlfriend dared her. Claire, a short quiet redhead, said that she'd entered because she lost a bet with her Mom. Actually I was surprised to see Claire in the room, as I'd always thought she was a real girl. She was short and very petite. I wondered if she was like Caroline and I.

The scariest answer was by Denise, which made sense, as she was the scariest looking person in the room. She was tall, muscular, and was wearing a heavy base of makeup. She had taken to dressing slightly Goth. But it seemed to fit her. Her hair was dyed jet black, with slight streaks of purple, and she even wore black nail polish. Her dress was long and black and she was wearing Doc Martens. Actually, her outfit was practical, as the many tattoos on her arms didn't seem so noticeable. Her answer was that her choices had been this or military school. The reason for those choices was never given.

Ms. B thought that the meeting was a success and told us that she looked forward to our next meeting in two weeks.

As we walked to photography class, Caroline told me more about Denise. She told me that I shouldn't take Denise too seriously, as she loved spoofing people.

"Last year 'Dennis' was in a heavy metal garbage-band with my cousin," Caroline explained.

"The correct term is garage band," I corrected, laughing at her mistake.

She smiled back at me. "You never heard them play, garbage is a better description. Actually, Denise isn't as tough as she looks. I'll introduce you to her sometime. I have the feeling that you'd like her."

Chapter Forty

Friday was a busy day and it had nothing to do with school. I had to go to my therapy session after school and then I had work. My schedule looked a bit overwhelming. I decided to ask Jenny McCall, if we could move the sessions to Tuesday or Thursday. I didn't want to be distracted at work, and I wanted to be able to absorb what had happened with Jenny in private.

She had no problem with changing my session to Tuesdays. With that crisis over, she asked me how my week was going. Of course my breakup with Paul was the biggest thing on my mind, followed closely by the trial. We talked about what was going through my mind and my fears of going out alone.

Jenny looked at me. "I assume that you also check to see that the doors are locked when you are home alone a lot."

"Three or four times aren't really a lot of times is it?" I answered with a smile.

"I wouldn't get obsessed about it. Do you still lock your bedroom door?" she asked.

"No. I stopped doing that a while ago," I lied. Well, I only did it occasionally, so that shouldn't count!

"What about nightmares?" asked Jenny.

"I have them occasionally. Not every night, but a couple times a week," I answered. "Will they go away?"

"They should. However, be aware that you may go through cycles of these nightmares. Let me know if they start affecting your sleep," stated Jenny.

The rest of the session went by really fast. The last thing she asked me was about starting group therapy.

"There's a group over at the college that I checked out and I'd like you to consider joining it. It is mostly women aged 18-26, and it's the closest that I can find to your age, which I guess is a good thing. I know the woman who runs it and I have told her about your situation. She has no problem with you joining the group," explained Jenny.

"What about the members of the group?" I asked. "I know that some people are hostile to my status. I can understand their hostility to men and some of them might just see me as mocking them."

"The group I have in mind should be okay. The woman who runs it is a close friend, and she is anxious to have you join. Well, I'd like you to at least think about it. I'd like you to call her this weekend," she said as she handed me a business card.

I read the name on the card Dr. Karen Buford, "What time should I call?" I asked.

"She is usually available between 10-12:00," explained Jenny. "I'll see you Tuesday at 4:00."

I got up and hugged her. It suddenly struck home how much I needed her.

Chapter Forty-One

Mom was waiting for me and drove me to the mall. She listened to my post-therapy ramblings without complaining. She said that the group might be good for me.

"So you were actually listening to me? Thanks. I was afraid that I wasn't making any sense," I replied.

"I never said you were making sense!" quipped Mom. "By the way, I'd like to meet your boss this evening."

"Okay, I think you'll like her," I answered.

Mom found a parking spot right up near the entrance, so we only had a short walk in the cold. We walked into the store and I introduced Mom to Cindy and Mel.

"Is Mrs. Lincoln in, Cindy?" I asked.

"Yes, she is. Erika, why don't you go get changed, and I'll take your Mom back to meet Mrs. Lincoln. I have your outfit hanging in the back dressing room. By the way your makeup looks very good this evening," commented Cindy.

My dress that evening was a black cocktail dress. The dress was nice, but I dreaded seeing the heels. The shoes were three-inch heels, and I immediately knew my feet would be killing me by the end of the evening. I checked myself in the mirror and walked out. I looked at the clock. It was 5:45 PM exactly.

I found Mom talking to Mrs. Lincoln and Cindy. They seemed to hit it off quite well. They all turned and watched me as I approached. I could tell from their expressions that they were pleased with my appearance.

"Oh, Erika, you look lovely!" exclaimed Mom, as she looked me over.

"Thanks Mom," I replied, feeling a bit embarrassed.

"I am very pleased with your daughter so far, Jill," stated Mrs. Lincoln to Mom.

"Erika, what time do you want me to pick you up?" asked Mom, who had a huge smile on her face.

"Don't bother, Jill, I can give her a ride home. You don't live that far away, and I really don't mind," interrupted Cindy.

Mom looked at Cindy, "That's very kind, I appreciate it. Well, it was nice meeting all of you."

I said goodbye and got to work. That night I worked mainly with Mel and she showed me how to work the cash register. She also taught me how to make entries into our computer database.

"Mrs. Lincoln has us keep this up to date as much as possible. That way she can spot trends. Don't ever underestimate her. She sees everything. She can be very critical, but she's also very generous and caring. She really doesn't need this store, but she loves running it and helping her friends, customers, and employees," explained Mel.

"I am beginning to see that," I answered. I could sense a lot of loyalty in Mrs. Lincoln's employees.

As long as I was busy I was OK, but when it got slow I started thinking about my session with Jenny.

"Earth to Erika! Hello. You there?" asked Cindy.

I was refolding some sweaters and kind of zoned, thinking about what Jenny had told me about the group session.

"You seemed to be somewhere else for a minute. Everything okay?" she asked.

"Yes. I'm sorry, I had a counseling session this afternoon before work. I was thinking about something she told me. Don't worry, it won't happen again. I moved my sessions to Tuesdays." I went back to folding the sweaters.

"Don't worry about it. If you don't mind telling me, who are you seeing?" asked Cindy with a sympathetic smile on her face.

"Dr. Jennifer McCall over at the County Health Office by the hospital," I answered, as I folded another sweater.

Cindy smiled and nodded knowingly. "I know where Jenny works. She's very good, isn't she?"

I stopped and looked up at her. I didn't know what to say. I started to open my mouth and Cindy shook her head and put a finger to her lips.

"No need to say anything, dear. I first saw her six years ago, when she was first starting out. She helped me a lot and I know she'll help you."

"Do you still see her?" I asked.

"Sometimes," she answered with a smile. "Now, you need to finish that up. I have some other tasks for you this evening."

"Yes Cindy, I'm almost finished," I answered.

On the ride home I wanted to ask Cindy some more questions, but felt that I'd be prying into her privacy. I knew that I was not the first to experience an assault, but there was a sense of relief in knowing someone else who had been through it and had survived.

She pulled into our driveway. I thanked her for the ride and told her I'd see her Sunday at 11:45. I was relieved that she waited until I was inside.

I made it through another day and a good day at that. Life was looking up.

Chapter Forty-Two

Saturday morning, I helped Mom around the house. That was one aspect, of my so-called female life, that I was already familiar with. Since it had always been just the two of us, I'd long ago taken on many household chores. I did the laundry, dusting and vacuuming long before I started wearing skirts. The only big change from before was that now I was more involved in the kitchen.

Neither of us was really into cooking. It was a necessary evil. We ate well, and sometimes Mom would try something adventurous, but it wasn't something we truly enjoyed. Thanks to my Home Economics teacher, Mrs. Roberts, I'd become pretty good. Still I'd rather have someone else cook.

Around 10:30 I called up Dr. Buford. I was almost hoping that she wasn't at work. I could leave a message and hang up. Unfortunately, she was in.

"Good morning, Dr. Buford. This is Erika Walters. I believe that Dr. McCall talked to you about me," I explained. Gee, that didn't sound too formal and dorky, I thought.

"Yes, good morning. Erika, I was hoping you'd call me this morning. By the way, please call me Karen," she offered.

We talked for a few minutes and then she invited to come by next Saturday morning.

"I have a group that meets at 8:00 AM. They would be a good fit for you. There are eight women in it presently," Karen explained.

"I'm a little worried about how they will receive me, Karen," I replied.

"Don't be. I hinted that you might be joining us. They seemed willing to give you a chance," she answered. "I'll be on your side. I don't see your assault as being any less traumatic just because you're physically male."

"Okay, I'll be there," I said.

She gave me directions and asked me to bring something to share for breakfast. It was a tradition that the new person brought bagels or muffins to the meeting. I thanked her and hung up the phone.

I got back to the laundry when the phone rang again. I heard Mom get it.

"Honey, it's Cat," she yelled.

"Thanks," I answered, and I picked up the phone. "Good morning, Cat."

"Hi Erika. Laura and I are going to the movies this afternoon, can you join us?" asked Cat.

That sounded great, I thought. I checked quickly with Mom and she said no problem. I told Cat that I'd love to go with them, and she said that they would pick me up at noon.

The three of us headed to the mall. First to get something to eat and then catch the 1:30 show.

Nothing exciting happened, no one dropped any bombshells, and no one had any earth-shattering news. Just a fun afternoon hanging out with friends. I mean, I had had plenty of afternoons like this one before. I'd never thought they were important enough to include in my saga. But the reason I included this one was that my life was craving something like this. It also made me realize how important every moment in life can be. When I got home, Mom asked me how my afternoon went. I told her it was just fine.

Chapter Forty-Three

Sunday, I was back at work. I wasn't ready to wait on customers yet; that wouldn't happen for a few more weeks. I was still being trained on all the little things. I learned how to properly wrap up the customers' purchases. This was especially important when we were dealing with such expensive items. I was also taught to be very polite and nice to the customers. I also learned what it was like to be the junior salesgirl with such fun duties like emptying the trash, restacking and refolding clothes and most importantly making the coffee run!

Actually, I'm not being fair to Mel and Cindy. They really treated me nicely and they did their share of drudgework at the store. I figured that there was a bit of them feeling me out and seeing how well I'd fit in. Yes, it is true that they did send me for coffee, but they also bought mine.

I went to the gourmet coffee stand to pick up our order. Cindy ordered a latte and Mel wanted just normal black coffee. Cindy joked that she wasn't sure that they even sold that anymore. Personally, I couldn't get into coffee, it was too bitter for me, except when I put in sugar and milk. On the other hand, Cat was really into coffee and she had tried several times to get me to like it. I stuck with tea. Cat kidded me that it had been easier to get me into dresses than to get me to like coffee.

As I picked up our order, I saw Paul walking by. I waved to him and he looked at me kind of strangely. Then it hit him who I was.

"Wow! I didn't recognize you, Erika, how is it going?" he asked. "You look great!"

"Better, thanks. I work over there," I answered, pointing to the shop.

"Swanky! That's right, I forgot you'd got a job. My Mom shops there sometimes," he said.

"Well, I have to head back to work," I explained as I checked my watch.

Paul took the cups from me. "Here, let me help you. It would be a shame for you to spill something on that dress." I could see that he was wondering how I could afford it.

"It isn't mine, my boss insists that we dress nicely and she supplies the clothes," I answered. "And thanks for helping."

We walked back to the store. Paul was a bit hesitant to enter the store.

"Don't worry, they won't make you dress like me. Come on, I want you to meet my co-workers," I quipped.

I introduced him to Cindy and Mel as I gave them their coffee.

"Paul, what did you say your last name was?" asked Cindy.

"It's Brady."

"Is your mother's first name Jackie?" asked Cindy.

"Yes, it is," answered Paul, slightly surprised.

"I've known your mother for years. It is a pleasure to finally meet the son she is always talking about. She thinks the world of you."

Paul seemed slightly surprised and pleased to hear that his mom thought so highly of him.

"Here, Paul, please give this sales pamphlet to your mother. It's our holiday mailer," added Mel.

Paul thanked them and said good-bye. He looked at me and smiled and walked out.

"Nice boy," commented Cindy, "His mother has been a regular customer for years."

"Yes, he is nice," I said softly, as I watched him walk way.

"Ohhhh...." acknowledged Mel, "So, when did you two break up?"

"Is it that obvious?" I replied, watching them both nod yes and then take a sip from their coffee, "We didn't break up, I broke it up. I'm okay with it, but I don't like to see him sad."

"I understand, Erika, you don't need to say anything else," said Cindy, as she put her arm around me.

Mel gave me a look, as if she really didn't believe me.

"I don't mind. We're still friends," I answered as I went back to work. Mel was right. I was far from being over it.

"Even though you're 'okay' with it, feel free to talk to me anytime," smiled Mel.

"Thanks," I replied.

As I worked, I thought about Paul. I accepted that my feelings for him had changed. I knew that we would never be more than friends. There was a feeling of concern for him. I felt bad for hurting him, but I knew that I had done the right thing.

Cindy drove me home again. She asked how I liked working at the store.

"It's much harder than I thought. Mrs. Lincoln has such high standards," I explained.

"That's true, but you will learn a lot from her," added Cindy. "So, anything else on your mind?"

We were stopped at a light. I looked over at her and could see her smiling.

"How long does it take for the fear to go away?" I asked

"To be honest, I don't think it ever does. You just learn to control it," she answered. The light changed and we continued down the road.

I nodded. "Oh. I've talked to Jenny and the DA about how difficult testifying will be, they make it sound pretty bad."

"It won't be fun. But when I look back, it was one of the days that that I'm most proud about!" Cindy exclaimed

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry," I apologized

"Don't worry, Erika, you're not prying," she replied. "I just want to help you when I can."

"Thank you."

When I got in, I found that Cat and Terri were in the kitchen with Mom.

"So, here's the newest salesgirl at the most stylish boutique in town," announced Terri.

I sat down and joined then. I kicked off my shoes and began to rub my feet. "I spent the last five hours in heels and my feet are killing me."

All three of them just stared at me.

"I guess I'm not going to get any sympathy here." I smiled

"None at all," replied Terri. "During college, I had to wear a very skimpy outfit at the restaurant I worked at. The money was good, but I felt like I was almost naked."

"I know what you mean. I had a similar job back in San Diego," added Mom.

I was shocked by Mom's confession. "Really? You never told me about that one!"

Mom gave me "The Look." "The Look" was used whenever Mom didn't want to discuss something. I knew that there were some things in her past that she didn't want to share.

"I'll tell you about it when you are older," joked Mom.

"How much older?" I asked with a smile

Mom laughed. "When you're fifty!"

During dinner, we discussed Thanksgiving. Terri agreed to have it at her house, as she loved cooking. She also told us that she'd invited her sister's family to join us. That was fine with Cat and me, because that meant Alex would be coming. Cat was close to Alex and had always seen him as her big brother. I liked him a lot too. He'd really made my adjustment to school a lot easier.

I told Cat about meeting Paul when I was at work. I also told her about my present feelings toward him.

"You know, I think I know a solution to this problem," announced Cat.

"Well? What is it, oh wise one?" I asked.

Cat just smiled at me, "I'll tell you tomorrow."

Chapter Forty-Four

It was 6:00AM on the Saturday after Thanksgiving and I was up early, having a cup of tea in my pjs at the kitchen table and reading the morning paper. Actually, I was doing more thinking than reading. I had been stuck on the same article for the past twenty minutes. It had been a restless night, and I had a lot of things on my mind.

First there was Thanksgiving. Actually, that was a good memory. It was my first big holiday since we'd moved to Golden Hill and my first since I had become Erika. We'd had dinner with Cat and Terri. They had become our family since we moved here, and in some ways they were closer than some of my real relatives.

Terri put together a great dinner. We assisted but she did most of the work, which was fine with Mom and I. It was also nice to socialize with Alex and his family. Alex had been swamped since we'd won the championship. Over twenty colleges and universities were recruiting him. He told us that all the attention was getting kind of old and that he had narrowed his choice down to a couple of schools.

Alex's parents were really cool. They told him that they would support his selection. However, they wanted him to consider academics as well as athletics in his final decision. Personally, I had no doubt that Alex would succeed in both areas. I also got to meet Alex's younger brother, Nick, who was a junior.

Alex's father also recommended a lawyer to Mom, just in case we decided to file a civil suit against Jason and his family. I appreciated his thoughts, but I didn't want any money out of this. The only thing I wanted was justice.

The second thing on my mind was Paul. I still felt guilty about breaking up with him. Cat claimed to be working on something that might make me feel better about it, but so far she had kept it to herself.

But really the thing that had me up so early was that I was going to my first group therapy meeting today. I checked my watch and saw that I needed to get into the shower soon. The session started at 8:00 and I'd have to make a stop along the way to pick up some muffins.

I walked towards the stairs and hesitated by the front door for a second, but I didn't check the lock. I hoped that I was getting over that obsession. I went upstairs and showered and afterwards did my daily examination of my face. It had been a few weeks since the assault, and I was almost looking normal. The bruises had faded and weren't too noticeable anymore. My scar above my right eye still looked bad, but I was told it would take time to heal. Then there was my nose. It was now a little crooked, but it didn't seem to bother my breathing. Mom had told me that I could get it fixed if I wanted to.

My ribs didn't hurt anymore. Alex told me I was lucky that they hadn't been broken. He told me that he'd broken two ribs in junior high and that it had hurt to breathe for months. I think that the only reason that they weren't broken was that they were injured during the initial tackle. It wasn't an intentional injury like everything else Jason did to me. If he had thought of it, I'm sure that they would have been broken.

After putting on my panties and bra, I debated on what to wear. It was early so I went with the casual look. It was also cold and cloudy outside, so warmth was a major consideration. It wasn't even winter yet and I hated it already. I selected a sweater and slipped it on. I then put on a little bit of makeup. Thankfully, I had very little facial or body hair so I rarely had to shave. I knew that, even after I started hormones, I'd have to get some electrolysis. I wasn't looking forward to that.

I slipped on a pair of socks and some loafers. I inspected myself in the mirror. Not bad, I thought, although my hair would need a touchup soon. I made a note in my planner to call the salon.

I could hear Mom stirring as I left my room. I knocked on her door and asked her if she wanted me to fix her a mug of tea. I heard a groan that sounded like a yes, and walked downstairs and put the kettle on again.

Mom came down a few minutes later. "Good morning, honey. Did you sleep well last night?"

"Great, I just got up a little while ago, thanks for asking," I replied. It was a lie, I had been awake since 3:00 and I had got out of bed around 5:00. "How about you?"

"Good thanks," she answered. "Funny thing, I thought I heard someone up a little after 5:00, must have been the wind."

I looked over and smiled. I never get one by her.

We drove together to the college. I picked up a dozen muffins at a little donut shop near campus.

"If they get hostile, I'll just throw the box one way and run the other," I quipped

We parked right outside campus. I could see that the building where the meeting was held was right across the street. Mom saw a coffeehouse up the block and told me to meet her there.

Chapter Forty-Five

I glanced at my watch and saw that it was time. I crossed the street with the box of muffins and entered the building. I checked Karen's instructions and found the room. I stood outside for a second, took a deep breath, and entered.

The room itself was unremarkable. There was a large table in the middle of the room with chairs arranged around it. There were several women standing around talking. Some stared at me as I walked in. I didn't get an instant feeling that I was welcome!

A tall woman with dark brown hair walked towards me smiling, "You must be Erika. I knew you immediately by the pink box you're carrying. Here let me take that from you," she greeted me, as she took the box of muffins from me and set them on the table.

"Yes, I'm Erika, are you Karen?" I asked.

"That's me," she stated. "I'm really glad you showed up. Many first timers get cold feet. We're about to get started. Don't worry, Erika, you'll be okay"

I nodded and sat down next to her. From the looks I was getting, I wasn't sure how well I was going to be received. As I looked around the room, I saw eight women sitting around the table. I got looks ranging from indifference to anger and a few that wouldn't even look my way.

"Good morning, everyone," announced Karen, acting as if nothing was wrong. "As I told you all last week, we have a new member of our group. I expect all of you to give Erika a warm welcome."

The room was filled with silence. Not exactly a warm welcome.

Karen was suddenly interrupted by a woman at the end of the table. "Excuse me, Karen, but I think I speak for the group when I say that we really don't think that this person should be allowed here. As you told us, this person isn't a real female and therefore can have no idea of what we have gone through. I know that you mean well, but there has to be a more appropriate group for...HIM," she grumbled as she pointed at me.

The look she gave me was full of anger, and I started to get up to walk out, when I felt Karen's hand on my shoulder gently pushing me back down into my seat. I glanced up at Karen and saw that she was smiling back at me. I knew that at least one person was on my side

"Does Dana speak for all of you?" asked Karen.

I watched as each woman nodded in agreement. Many wouldn't make eye contact with Karen.

Another woman glared at me and then turned to Karen. "You promised that no men would be allowed in these meetings!"

"I'm not a man," I stated.

Dana looked at me and rolled her eyes. "I don't wish to be insulting, but it is a risk that someone like that takes when they go out in the world. I admit that HE does pass well as a girl, and because of that he does share some of the blame for what happened."

For the first time since I'd survived the attack, I felt really scared. If this group of women saw me as causing the assault, then what chance would I have with a jury?

"I did nothing wrong," I interrupted. My voice was soft at first, but was becoming stronger and more filled with confidence. "The person who abducted, beat, and violated me knew my status and took great joy in injuring me. I think you'd like him, as you seem to have a lot in common with him. He liked humiliating me too."

Screw them, I thought! If I was going to get kicked out, then I was at least going to have my say.

Dana turned and glared at me. "How dare you speak to us that way! You have no idea of what we have been through! You're a male in drag! It's totally different for you," she yelled. "You may have been assaulted, but it wasn't rape!"

"The DA is calling it rape!" I angrily yelled back.

Karen interrupted and stood up. "Fine. If you feel that way about Erika, then I will ask her to leave. However, I want you all at least listen to what she has to say first. Go ahead, Erika, tell them your story."

I looked up at her and could see that she was smiling at me and nodding gently. She had her hand on my shoulder to comfort me. I looked around the room, took a sip of water, and then started to tell them about my assault. I started with the background and events leading up to the attack. Then I went into the attack. I closed my eyes and pictured what had happened as I told it. I found that I just wasn't telling the story, I was reliving it. I included every detail: the abduction, the rape, the beatings, the humiliation, and the fear. I spared nothing and did not soften the details. I wanted them to hear everything that Jason had done to me, and I wanted them to feel my pain.

When I finished, I bowed my head. I didn't want to make eye contact with them as I was also fighting back tears. I didn't want to appear weak to them. I hoped that they would just let me get up and walk out of there without any further insults.

I sat there for a moment. The room was totally silent. I guessed that I had put them all to sleep. Karen's voice broke the silence.

"Are you finished, dear?" she asked me in a low soothing voice.

I nodded yes. "Karen, thank you for letting me talk. I won't bother you all anymore." I started to get up to walk out.

"Wait. Excuse me, Erika, but I'd really like you to stay. I'm really sorry for what I said earlier. I was totally out of line. I directed the anger I feel towards my attacker to you. That was stupid. I'm sorry, please stay," apologized Dana. She got out of her chair and walked over and wrapped her arms around me. Most of the group followed suit, although a few sat in their seats and looked away from me. Naturally I broke down and started crying.

Karen asked me to stay for a few minutes after the meeting. I was totally drained, but I felt pretty good. I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red from crying and my makeup looked awful.

"I'm sorry for their initial reaction to you, but you handled yourself very well," she explained. "The way you described the assault is the way you should do it when you testify."

I wiped my eyes with a tissue. "I guess that I've been too sheltered the past few months. I forgot how most people view the transgendered. I wonder if the jury will be understanding or see me as some sort of perverted freak who 'got what they deserved'."

"I'm not going to lie to you, Erika, it won't be easy. There are a lot of closed-minded people out there. But many of them are just uneducated, which is a lot different from being totally ignorant. Keep in mind that you swayed a whole room of hostile women over to your side this morning by just being yourself," she explained.

"Not everyone was swayed," I stated, referring to the two women who refused to acknowledge me.

"True, but the rest are on your side," answered Karen.

"So, will I be welcome back next week?" I asked meekly.

"Absolutely, Erika. Now, do you need a ride home?" she asked.

"No, thank you. My mom is waiting for me at the coffeehouse down the block. I just need to go clean up first," I replied, as I wiped my eyes.

"I'll wait for you. I'd like to meet your mother if you don't mind," she added.

I washed my face and reapplied my makeup. My eyes were still a bit red, but there was nothing I could do about that.

We walked over to the coffeehouse and I introduced Karen to Mom. They hit it off right away. I desperately needed something really sweet, and left them to talk. I picked out a raspberry Danish and ordered a medium hot chocolate. As I waited for my order, I looked around the room. There were individuals studying or reading and there were groups involved in heated discussions. I glanced over at the bulletin board and saw the variety of notices and ads. It was so exotic compared to high school. I suddenly got a new shot of adrenalin that refreshed my desire to win the scholarship and go to college.

On the drive home, I told Mom about the meeting.

"Karen told me how well you handled yourself. I'm very proud of you," Mom announced.

"I'm very proud of you too, Mom. I can't even begin to thank you for all you've done for me the past few weeks," I replied

Mom smiled at me. "You just did, honey."

Chapter Forty-Six

When we got home, I called Cat. I knew she would want to hear a complete report. She invited me over to her house. We grabbed a couple of sodas and headed up to her room.

I told her everything that had happened. She shared my concern on the attitudes of the people towards my being transgendered.

"It's something that you are going to have to deal with the rest of your life. There are a lot of people out there who disapprove of what you are doing. Gender is just something that most people take for granted. When someone like you comes around and challenges their beliefs, it can hard to accept. Most will be indifferent, but there will be those who will take great joy in hurting you. I also agree with what you said about being sheltered. Our school and this community are the exceptions and it took us many years to get that way," explained Cat.

"I don't expect everyone to accept me, I just want to live my life in peace. Maybe I jumped into this too quickly, but once things started I just sort of rode it. I know that I've made mistakes and reacted instead of thinking things through. Am I rambling yet or am I still making sense?" I asked. I then took a long drink from my soda.

"Borderline rambling, but I understand what you are trying to say," replied Cat with a smile. "Would one of those regrets be Paul?"

I smiled back. "You'd better become a cop, it would be a shame to waste your talent for reading minds."

"It wasn't that hard, Erika," she replied.

"Oh, that makes me feel even better! Yes, I know now that I got way too involved with Paul, and it all happened too fast. I was so caught up with everything that was going on with Homecoming and with my emerging feelings that before I knew it I was in a relationship with him. I feel really guilty about hurting him."

"What were you feelings about him?" asked Cat.

"I'm not really sure. I never really felt attracted to guys before the competition. Then I met someone who saw me as a girl and wanted me to be his girlfriend. At first being with him felt good, but even before the assault I was having doubts. Mom had a talk with me about sex and I began to wonder," I answered, taking another sip of my soda.

"Well, I saw you two together and there was attraction, you can't deny that. I think what you are going through is very normal. You were raised as a boy and now, thanks to the contest, you have discovered your true self. As you adapt and adjust to becoming female you're going to have conflicts and self-doubts. I wouldn't worry about your sexuality right now. You may be bisexual, or you may like guys, or - who knows? - you might turn out to be a lesbian," explained Cat, with a smile.

"I guess you do have a personal insight into this after all," I said.

Cat punched me in the arm.

"While we are on the topic of dating and Paul, I need your help," asked Cat, "I think I found the right person for Paul. I talked to her about my idea and she is all for it!"

"Okay, so who are you talking about?" I asked. I knew that I was truly over him, but I really didn't like to see him sad.

"Caroline," she smiled. "It makes perfect sense. They obviously like each other a lot. I just don't think Paul knows it yet."

Cat was right. Caroline and Paul would make a great couple. Their chemistry was obvious to everyone, except Paul!

"Now, this is what I have planned. Paul and Laura are meeting us this evening for pizza. Caroline will arrive with us. Laura is going to let Paul drive, she told him her car is acting up. When it comes time to leave, we'll suggest that Caroline ride with Paul and that we give Laura a ride home. Then it's up to Mother Nature. What do you think?" asked Cat.

"And you got this plan from which sitcom?" I joked.

"Okay, it's a bit lame, but I think it will work," Cat stated confidently.

"I hope it does, it would be one less issue in my life."

I went home to grab a nap and agreed to meet Cat and Caroline at 5:00PM.

Chapter Forty-Seven

My best friend Cat has many virtues: she is intelligent, insightful, funny, and very thoughtful. She is, however, a lousy matchmaker. If I had to grade Cat on her plan to fix Paul and Caroline up, I would have to give her a C for planning and an F for execution. But since everything worked out, she does get a passing grade, but hopefully she'll never attempt it again.

I would like to be able to put everything down in detail as a chapter in my saga, but to this day I can't quite find the correct words to describe what happened. I tried to get everyone else's input, but that wasn't a big help. After talking to everyone involved, I am not even sure we were in the same restaurant. So, to avoid reopening old wounds and arguments I give you the condensed version of Cat's matchmaking.

Basically the plan began to fall apart as soon as we arrived. I'm not sure, but I think that Paul thought I was going with Caroline. It was all downhill from there. Then there were words spoken, even angrier words, insults, and a lot of crying. We also came close to being kicked out of Guido's.

Fortunately, everything worked out in the end. Everyone made up and the insults and accusations were withdrawn and forgotten about. I wasn't much help as I was crying my eyes out. Laura was the voice of reason and helped smooth many of the hurt feelings. Caroline and Paul left together and seemed to be hitting it off. We weren't even banished from the restaurant. We told them that we were rehearsing for a play! Laura and I were able to make Cat promise to never try this sort of thing again. Neither of us really believes she won't though.

Chapter Forty-Eight

Snow is highly overrated. Yes, it is beautiful, and I suppose it can be fun to play in, but when you have to wear a skirt and are just trying to get to school or work, it is awful. On the plus side, my personal discomfort was providing all sorts of entertainment for my friends. Even with the relaxed dress code, I still had to wear skirts or dresses twice a week and it was miserable.

I was kept busy between work and school and it suited me fine. I did see Caroline and Paul walking down the hall holding hands. That made me very happy. I made a point of telling them how good they looked together. I didn't want to lose them as friends.

On Tuesday I had my last weekly session with Jenny McCall. We decided that I'd see her once every other week for now. She was pleased that I had been accepted into the therapy group.

"Karen was impressed by the way you stood up to Dana and the others. Dana isn't a bad person; she is just carrying around a lot of anger and she is quick to vent on others. Dana really can help you, now that you've established diplomatic relations. I hope that you can get to know them all a bit," explained Jenny.

"The one thing that was good about their initial hostility was that it prepared me a bit more for the trial. I'll find out Thursday the date that it will start," I replied.

Jenny nodded. "I see, well as soon as you know, call me. I want to help you get ready."

"Thanks, I will."

We went on to discuss how I was getting along in school and with my friends. She also wanted to know how work was going. I told her that it was great. I also mentioned working with Cindy and that she was fast becoming a good friend. Jenny seemed pleased to hear that Cindy had taken me under her wing. I didn't press for any more information on what happened to Cindy. I figured she'd tell me if and when she wanted to.

Chapter Forty-Nine

Mom picked me up and treated me to dinner. Snow was falling lightly as we drove downtown to a little Italian place. She told me that things looked good for her to get a promotion.

"Wow, they must really like you!" I exclaimed. I was nibbling on a piece of garlic bread.

"If I get it. I'll have to start taking some classes over at the college. I dread going back to school after all these years," she grumbled.

"Didn't you like college?" I asked.

"I loved my classes, but there were other things going on that soured my memories."

I knew that we were entering touchy ground, but I decided to press a little. "Like what?" I asked.

She sat there for a while and didn't say a word. She then looked up at me and smiled softly. "I guess that I should tell you. I'm sure that you've figured out that you were born during my third year of college. Thanks to your grandparents, I was able to balance going to school and being a single mother. Please don't take this the wrong way. You are the best thing that has happened to me. I often think that you saved my life."

"What do you mean?" I asked, sensing I would finally be told something about my past.

She took a sip of her wine. "I am not proud of everything I did when in college. I was a bit wild and I made some mistakes. Dating the man who fathered you was one of them. Not because he got me pregnant, but because I was stupid enough to think that he would marry me."

"Who was he?" I asked.

"He was on the football team and he thought he was going to the pros. Having a pregnant girlfriend ruined his "All-American" image, so he dumped me. I guess that cosmic justice caught up with him, as he blew out his knee his senior year and never played again. The last I heard, he was selling insurance in LA," she explained.

"Did he ever contact you?" I asked.

"No, not after you were born. I don't think he even tried, as far as I know he doesn't even know if he had a son or a daughter," she stated.

"He still wouldn't know," I wisecracked, trying to hide my smile.

That caused Mom to smile too. "Cute. Anyway, at first I was angry with him for abandoning us, then as I matured I realized that having you forced me to be more responsible. I came to love being a mom, so he does deserve some thanks."

I just sat there. I didn't think it was possible, but my opinion of Mom just went up some more.

After a long silence, Mom looked straight at me. "Do you want to know his name?"

I didn't need much time to respond. "No. I'm content with the truth. He doesn't mean anything to me, he only fathered me, you raised me."

"Thanks, honey," she said as she held my hand. I could see tears forming in her eyes.

"So, tell me more about the job!" I asked.

For the rest of dinner she told me about the position and the raise that would go with it. I was so happy for her.

Chapter Fifty

Thursday, Laura, Cat, and I traded work stories on the way to school. It was very cold that morning and I shivered as I waited for the heater to warm me up. Cat told us that when she went to the State Police Lab in the spring they would let her observe during an autopsy, if there were any going on.

"You mean you want to go to an actual autopsy?" asked Laura as she drove. "That's so gross!"

"Well, it will give me an idea if I can do this as a career. Actually, it's very fascinating," explained Cat.

"That's okay, you can keep your stories to yourself, I really don't want to hear them," reiterated Laura.

Cat and I looked at each other and we both smiled, as we knew we had something new to needle her about.

"Do you get to keep anything, you know, as a souvenir?" I asked, trying to get a rise out of Laura.

"You know, if I was the one wearing a skirt, and if I really hated the cold, and if I constantly whined about the cold, I wouldn't risk being tossed out of the car and being forced to walk the last quarter mile to school, when it is 24 F outside, by annoying the driver," interrupted Laura.

"Touch," I replied, as I redirected a heater vent.

Cat broke up laughing.

"I won't see you at lunch today. I have our group meeting with Ms. B," I announced.

"Do you need a lift home?" asked Laura.

"No, I have to go downtown with Mom. The DA wants to see us," I added. "Thanks for asking."

"Oh. Okay. Good luck," answered Laura.

"Thank you," I said. I'd be so glad when the whole trial thing was over.

At the meeting I noticed we were down to seventeen. As before, Caroline and I sat next to each other.

"I guess that isn't too bad. I thought we'd lose more," explained Caroline.

"So tell me, how are you and Paul doing?" I asked.

"Really good thanks. We're taking it slow. I think we both learned something from our first relationships," she said. She then looked up at me, as if she'd said something wrong. "Oops. Erika, I didn't mean anything by that. I'm sorry."

I smiled at her. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Paul did nothing wrong. Remember, I was the one who broke it up. I am very happy for both of you."

"Is there anyone in your life right now?" she asked.

"No, and that is fine. If something happens, well that's great, but I can survive without dating right now."

Just then Ms. B opened the meeting up. There were a few announcements and she then she threw out another question for us. "Okay, we'll go around the room and I want you to introduce yourself and tell us about your after-school job if you have one, or any school club you're involved with."

As before, we had some interesting answers. I was surprised that 12 of the 17 remaining candidates had jobs. As we went around the room, I could see how lucky I was. I easily had the best job, although a few were more interesting.

Denise, our Goth girl, was now playing drums in a local band. The other members of the band were all women, and their style was new age techno punk. She said that they were developing quite a following. She told us that they would be playing at an eighteen-and-under club nearby in a few weeks. Caroline and I whispered to each other that we would have to go see her play. I was trying to imagine what "new age techno punk" sounded like.

Debbie White worked as a volunteer at the hospital, where her mother worked as a nurse. Debbie was cute. She also got her hair cut at the same salon as I did. I remembered seeing her picture in there. Several other girls were waitresses and the rest had various sales jobs at the mall.

As we were dismissed, I asked Denise for a handout for her band. She seemed pleased that some of us would be there.

I waited around for everyone else to leave so I could talk to Ms. B.

"What's on your mind, Erika?" she asked.

"This afternoon, I find out the trial date, and I'm worried about what will happen here."

"Mrs. Lee and I have discussed it already. All contestants are legally minors, so we will turn down any requests by the press to interview any of you. We've survived controversy before this; and we'll weather this storm too. You just concentrate on yourself. And if there is some controversy, just remember it is not your fault; you did nothing wrong," she explained.

"Thanks. I'll let you know the date the trial tomorrow."

Mom was waiting for me after school. I was quiet the whole ride down.

By now the trip to the DA's office was very familiar. I said hi to his receptionist and sat down next to Mom. We were supposed to see Sam Warren, the DA, at 4:00PM but were still waiting at 4:30.

"Hi, Erika, I'm sorry I got delayed, please come back to my office. Glad to see you again, Jill," he apologized, as he looked at Mom and grinned.

We entered his office and sat down. "Jury selection for the trial will be the last week of January and we should be able to start the trial the following week. That is less than two months, but we will be ready," he announced.

"They really want this to go to trial?" asked Mom.

Sam nodded and took a file out of his briefcase and handed it to me. "Yes, it looks that way. I'm going to give you some homework, Erika. These are the rape laws and trial procedures. I want you read them and see that they are designed to protect you as much as possible."

"Will there be a quiz?" I asked.

Sam smiled slightly. "No, but the trial could be considered a final exam. I have also been in contact with Dr. McCall and Dr. Buford. I've worked with both of them on previous cases and they will be helping us to get you ready. After the holidays, we'll bring in a consultant who will act as the defense attorney. He knows all the tricks. He'll cross-examine you as if it was a real trial. He won't pull any punches, and it won't exactly be pleasant for you, but it will prepare you for the real thing."

"How much will the defense make of Erika being a transsexual?" asked Mom in a concerned voice.

It was a bit strange hearing Mom call me a transsexual.

"Actually, we expect it to be a huge part of their defense. It looks like they are going with the consensual sex defense and a form of gay rage defense, in that Jason snapped and beat Erika up when he discovered that Erika wasn't a 'real girl.' He claims that he only taped her up so he could get away," he explained. "They are going to portray Jason as the true victim in this case. They will probably round up a few so-called experts who will try to portray Erika as mentally ill or disturbed. But we are lining up our experts too."

I felt physically sick as Sam described their defense. I also knew that some people might actually believe it and I felt a shiver of fear run through my body.

"How can he lie like that? He KNEW I was a male back in September!" I exclaimed angrily.

"I know that, Erika. I fully plan on using that against them," replied Sam in a soothing manner.

"Sorry. I know that you're on my side," I apologized.

Sam smiled and nodded. "No need to apologize, Erika. I know how stressful this is for you."

I nodded slightly. The reality of the trial began to sink in. I cringed thinking how bad the trial might be.

Sam must have sensed my fear and turned to me. "Between your testimony, the physical evidence, and my expert witnesses, I will tear apart their defense," he reassured me. "I know you are scared, but I feel very confident about our case."

"I trust you," I answered, and tried to smile.

On the way home, I asked Mom if she believed what Sam had said.

"Yes, yes, I do. I've asked around and found out a few things about him. Sam used to be a detective in Philadelphia and while he was there he earned his law degree. He moved out here and became DA four years ago. He has prosecuted seventeen sexual felony assault cases since he has been here and has never lost one"

"Who told you all that?" I asked.

"Your group therapist. Karen and I talked last night, and she told me to have faith in Sam," confessed Mom. "She also told me that Sam has a very high standing in the LGBT community, so your being transsexual isn't an issue to him. In fact, Jenny says that he goes out of his way to ensure that victims like you get the best protection from the defense lawyers possible."

That made me feel better. I then turned and smiled. "Did she let you know if he was single?"

Mom laughed. "And what exactly do you mean by that, young lady?"

I laughed. "Mom, Sam obviously likes you. He can't do anything about it until the trial is over, but then I'll bet that he'll call and ask you out."

"Okay. I'll take you up on that. What do you want to wager?" asked Mom.

"If I win, you let me buy a car," I offered. I had been saving up for a while but Mom refused to let me buy a car because she wanted it to go for college. But I figured that by winning the scholarship her arguments would be pointless.

"And if I win?" she asked.

"I'll cook dinner for the rest of the school year."

"Hmm, you seem pretty confident. Well, I accept."

I know we were both hoping that I was right.

Chapter Fifty-One

My second group session went a lot better than the first. First off, I wasn't the center of attention. I was just a contributor like everyone else. I could still feel a little uneasiness from some of the others, but I wasn't sure if it was residual from the previous week or just because I was new. I did notice that two of the women from the previous week weren't there.

Karen went around the table and asked each person how their week had gone and to share anything on their mind. Much of what was said was very personal so I won't include it here. After all, they have all moved on with their lives.

When it was my turn, I talked about the anxiety of the upcoming trial and the unwanted spotlight on my life. Several of the women in the group had had their cases prosecuted by Sam Warren, and they confirmed the information that Karen had given Mom. They confirmed that he takes these cases very personally.

"So, do you know the name of the weasel who is defending your attacker?" asked Dana.

A woman named C.J. interrupted, "Excuse me, I object to the term weasel being applied to the defense lawyer. He is just doing his job," she said rather seriously. "Besides, I think it is an insult - to weasels that is!"

That caused a few laughs.

"I think his last name is Turner," I replied.

There was an audible silence in the room.

"Martin Turner?" asked Dana.

"Yes, that's it. Have you heard of him?" I asked.

The deafening silence returned to the room. I looked around and could see a lot of rage forming in some of their eyes.

"Yes, a few of us know him. He specializes in rape defense. He used to be in a big firm in Philadelphia, but they fired him and he ended up here. He works the entire area. I think he is trying to work his way back into the big leagues," murmured Dana. "He is an excellent lawyer and is a total SOB; he has absolutely no morals whatsoever."

"Erika, I don't want to scare you, but he will be very tough on you. He has won acquittals in many of his cases. The good news in that Sam Warren has beaten him every time they have gone head to head," added C.J.

I nodded. "I see." That was good news.

"Look, Erika, you need to be prepared for a rough time. The good thing is that we will have you prepared and you will get through it," added Karen.

"I appreciate your honesty and the help," I stated. I tried to act brave, but on the inside I was a bowl of Jell-O.

Chapter Fifty-Two

Cat, Laura, and I were out driving towards Westerville, around one hour south of Golden Hill. The sky was clear, but it was still very cold. They had gotten tired of listening to me complain about the lack of good Mexican-American food in town. Laura said that there was a place in the mall. I told her that a national fast food chain taco shop wasn't considered good Mexican-American food. She called me a California snob, and I told her she could always put gravy on her carne asada. So, we were going to a place that Paul's sister had told me about.

The drive took an hour, but no one seemed to mind as it gave us a chance to be together. Laura had been accepted at Penn State and was going to major in political science and Cat was looking for a school where she could major in criminal justice and minor in something related to forensics. And as for me, unless I won the scholarship, it looked like I would end up going to community college. Overall, it still meant that soon we would be split up, so we savored every moment together.

"You do have your budding career as an upscale women's clothing store salesgirl to fall back on," added Cat.

"It's salesperson, not salesgirl, thank you very much! Besides, you might be right. If I do go to school locally, I'll have a good job," I replied.

I told them all about Mel and how she had worked for Mrs. Lincoln since high school and that she had held her job through college.

"She adjusts Mel's work schedule to match her classes and ensures that she has time off during exams or when a paper is due. Cindy told me that Mrs. Lincoln has also provided financial support," I added.

"Still, you should have a plan in place if you win the scholarship," remarked Cat.

"Actually, I think I'll be taking a year off before I go to college," I announced.

"Why?" asked Laura

"Well, unlike you two, I haven't decided what I want to do. If I go to school locally, I can always transfer later on, "I continued.

"What else?" asked Cat.

"Well, there will be the whole transition thing: hormones, name change, and so on," I replied.

"You are sure about this?" asked Laura. I could sense her concern.

"Yes, even with everything that has gone on, I can see things very clearly," I stated confidently.

"That's great! I am so happy for you," exclaimed Laura.

"When can you start the hormones?" asked Cat.

"Ms. B suggests that I wait until the spring," I replied.

"Why the wait?" asked Laura, "That doesn't seem fair."

"Something about making sure that I am truly committed to the change. They are making us wait around six months from the time we told them," I added.

"So, Caroline will have a head start on you," remarked Cat.

"Yes, I am a little envious of her," I answered with a smile.

"Just like real life," smiled Laura, "I remember being envious of the girls who began to change before me."

"Well, it looks like you've caught up and passed them," quipped Cat.

Laura had a great figure and a really nice pair of breasts, and she knew it. We all broke out in laughter.

We easily found the restaurant and I was very impressed with their menu, everything looked very good. It was a family run place and they had moved here from Northern Mexico. Everything was made there, including their tortillas. Cat and Laura agreed it was worth the drive and much better than the taco place.

I told them about Denise and her band. Laura was instantly interested in going, she said it would be a lot of fun.

"So what about you, Cat?" I asked.

"Sorry, I am working that night," she explained

"I didn't tell you the night."

"Doesn't matter. I am sure I'll be working, or studying, or getting root canal surgery, or something like that."

"Sounds like Cat doesn't like the music," added Laura with a smile.

"I hate punk rock, I don't like techno music, and I can barely tolerate new age music. So, I am positive that a combination of the three would cause my eardrums to implode," explained Cat with a smile.

"Well, I want to go with you Erika," announced Laura. "I think it'll be fun."

"Sounds good," I answered.

Laura smiled at me. "But since we'll be going to a club, you'll have to let me do your makeup and your hair! I'll make you hot!"

Cat smiled at us and shook her head.

"You know, Erika, you and I are about the same dress size, I have a dress that will be perfect for you," added Laura with a big smile.

"I'll need a little padding in the front," I quipped.

"Not for much longer, my dear," laughed Laura.

"She has been dying to get her hands on you, and do a makeover, Erika, so you might as well surrender now," laughed Cat.

"Don't listen to her! It'll be a blast," smiled Laura.

Chapter Fifty-Three

We finished up our feast and headed back to Golden Hill. As we drove home I thought about the afternoon, it was the perfect balance to the stress caused by the assault and the pending trial. Laura dropped us off and Cat and I went into my house.

"How was the meal, girls?" asked Mom.

"Great! You'd like it a lot; we'll have to go there together sometime. I had forgotten how good real Mexican food was."

"What did you think, Cat?" asked Mom.

"She's right, it was worth the trip," Cat replied.

We grabbed a couple of sodas and headed up to my room. Cat looked at the banner that I had hung up above my bed.

"I am still amazed that we were able to get so many people to sign that in such a short period of time. We didn't expect you to be in school on Monday, we thought that we'd get a whole day at school to get it all signed, and so we had to rush around Sunday evening," explained Cat.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"Well, I promised not to tell you, but I think you'd want to know. After you told us you were planning on going to school on Monday, we quickly got the paper and set it up in Guido's and then started calling around. It sort of took on a life of its own after that. Kristen and Tracey took it to school early Monday and got the rest of the school to sign it before you got to school. Mrs. Lee saw what they were doing and made an announcement on the PA. She also passed the word to the staff to expect late arrivals during first period. Promise me you'll never tell anyone that I told you this!" revealed Cat.

"I promise!" I exclaimed. The value of the banner had just become priceless. It remains one of my most valued possessions to this very day.

"I just wanted you to know that you have a lot of good friends that will be there to support you," explained Cat.

"I know that. But there are people that signed this that I don't even know. I didn't think I was that popular," I stated.

Cat laughed. "They signed it because they wanted to show their support for you. Remember, I told you that our students are protective of girls like you. What happened to you shocked and stunned everyone."

"If I ever start feeling sorry for myself, please remind me to look at this work of art," I remarked. I had to wipe away a tear.

"Agreed! Now that we've gotten this 'Hallmark Moment' out of the way I need to talk to you about something," said Cat, as she sat on my bed.

I joined her. "What's up?"

"In case you haven't noticed, Laura really likes you," stated Cat.

I nodded. "I thought so."

"I think that you two would be a great couple, and I don't mind one bit if you two go out. It won't have any bearing on our friendship," explained Cat.

"So, is this why you aren't joining us when we go to the club next week?" I asked.

Cat shook her head with a smile. "No, I was serious about hating the music. Look, Erika, don't rush into anything if you don't feel up to it. Laura knows that you are still a little fragile."

"Has she talked to you about me?" I asked.

"No comment," replied a straight-faced Cat, "Let me just say that she knows that I have no problem with you two going out."

I thought about it for a moment. I remembered what Laura had said to me back when she first starting dating Cat. I'd asked her if she still liked boys and she'd told me that she liked "boys like you."

"Can I ask you something?" I asked.

"Sure, go ahead," replied Cat

"How does Laura see me?" I asked

"She obviously knows that you are still male, but she only knows Erika. She also knows that you want to be a female. I think she is attracted to that," answered Cat.

"How does this fit into the contest?" I asked.

"The rules don't forbid contestants from dating girls. It just doesn't happen all that often."

"Why not?"

"Well, to be honest, it is more a problem for the girls than the contestants. They want a boyfriend who will act and dress like a boy. They don't want a girlfriend. Some are afraid of being labeled a "lesbian." The girls who are lesbian don't want a boyfriend, or a pseudo-girlfriend. Not everyone is as liberated and open-minded as Laura and I," she explained.

"So, you are saying that the boys who date the contestants are more open-minded in their views on gender and sexuality?"

"You just opened a whole new topic. Yes, some of the guys are like Paul and they have enough confidence in themselves to date someone based on feelings of attraction, not the rules of society. Others do it because it's something daring. Then there are the guys who are gay, but closeted."

"How far into the closet can they be if they are openly dating a contestant?"

Cat smiled. "A lot! You still see the school social environment with new eyes. For those of us raised around it, we accept certain things and ignore others. No one considers it "gay" if a guy dates a contestant. It is never questioned. It's nice because it allows gays to avoid the harassment that happens in other schools."

"True, my old school was pretty liberal, but the gay students caught a lot of grief," I reminisced.

"Now, again this didn't happen overnight. Our senior class has been raised with these beliefs, so no one really questions what is going on at school as far as the contest is concerned. Hopefully this education in acceptance will spread to areas outside the competition and will stick with us when we go out into the world," continued Cat.

Maybe this is the true reason for the contest in the first place, I thought to myself.

Chapter Fifty-Four

I was getting more responsibilities at work. I spent a lot of time behind the counter and running the register where I was amazed by how much money some people spent there. Cindy told me that December was always their best month, largely due to holiday parties. Some women would spend a bundle on an outfit just for one party.

There were lots of little things that had to be done daily at the store. One thing that I could do only during the day was empty the trash. There was a long back hallway that ran behind all the stores, at the end of the hall was the exit that led to the dumpster. It was a long hallway and the sound echoed as you walked down it, especially if you were wearing heels. It was a bit creepy during the day, at night it was frightening, at least to me. I had tried to do it the first week of work and almost had a panic attack. I guess I was carrying around more baggage from the assault than I thought. Cindy and Mel both completely understood, even if I didn't.

I was determined to do this and Sundays were a good time to practice. I tried to pretend it was night. I felt good when I was able to walk down and dump the trash without feeling too edgy.

While I was walking back, the idiots in the next store decided to play a joke on me. The shop next to us was a leather shop. They had all sorts of really nice jackets. I'd been looking at a cute black leather jacket for the past few weeks. Anyway, as I walked back to our door one of the salesmen jumped out from their store and grabbed me from behind. I completely freaked out. I starting screaming and began kicking backward into his shin and stamping his foot with my heel. He let go, and I turned around and hit him several times, including a solid hit on his nose! Several other people came running to see what was happening.

Needless to say, I was angry and shaken, and he also was really pissed off. I'm not sure what made him most angry, but the fact that I'd given him a bloody nose may have been it. He was yelling at me and calling me all sorts of names. I was yelling right back at him. Cindy came out of our store and told me to go in, that she would handle this.

I needed a minute to calm down before I was able to rejoin Mel out in the store. I told her what had happened. I described the guy who I'd hit.

"Those morons. They are always doing stunts like that to the new employees," she exclaimed. "I went to school with a couple of them. Did you really give Cliff a bloody nose?"

"Yes, I guess I overreacted a little," I replied, a bit sheepishly. I was a bit embarrassed by it all and I worried that I might lose my job.

"No, you didn't. I only wish I could have seen it!" she replied, with a big smile on her face. "You really punched him in the nose?"

I nodded

"Good! Maybe they'll start acting their ages now!" She had a big smile on her face.

Then I saw Cindy come back in. She motioned me to meet her in the back.

"I know what happened and, after I talked to them, they felt really bad and extremely sorry that they'd pulled their dim-witted stunt on you. It has been so long since we've had a new employee that I forgot about their pranks. Are you okay?" she asked.

"Yes. I'm sorry to cause any problems," I answered.

"You have nothing to apologize, for Erika," she reiterated.

I went back to work and put it behind me. Cindy put me to work putting together gift boxes in the backroom. After an hour of assembling various sized boxes, I was called back into the store.

Standing at the front counter was the guy I had hit. He was standing there with a sheepish look on his face. He was good looking, even with the slightly swollen nose. He was tall, around 6-2, and had short brown hair, a moustache, and goatee, and blue eyes.

"Hi, I'm Cliff. I really want to apologize for what happened. They told me what happened to you last month, so I can fully understand your reaction. I'm really sorry," he apologized.

I nodded. "Thanks, apology accepted. How is your nose?"

He reached up and touched it. "Sore. By the way you've got a good right! Oh, I almost forgot, the guys and I got you this. Our way of saying we're sorry."

He handed me a bag. Inside was a small gift basket from the gourmet food shop. I could see all sorts of exotic goodies in it, "Thank you very much. You didn't have to do this," I replied.

"Yes, he did," interrupted Mel, looking into the bag.

He turned around and smiled at Mel. I noticed she didn't return it. He turned and looked at me and shrugged his shoulders and then winked at me, "Well, nice meeting you under better circumstances. If you ever need anything, please let me know."

I watched him leave. I looked over at Mel and she was smiling.

"Always good to put men in their place, every now and then. So, let's see what's in the basket," Mel added.

"You like him?" I asked.

"Who Cliff? He was an immature oaf in high school and he hasn't changed one bit, and the answer is yes. But don't you dare tell him that!" she said with a big smile.

I decided to put the contents of the basket back in our break area. We still had an hour until closing and I spent the rest of the time helping Mel set up a new display of seasonal items - mostly stuff like scarves and gloves and a few hats. Cindy told me that these were big sellers, often on impulse due to the temperature outside.

Just before we closed, Cat came in.

"Hi, Erika, you need a lift home?" she asked.

"That would be cool. You don't mind waiting?" I answered.

"No, not at all."

I introduced her to Cindy and Mel.

It took around half an hour to finish up after the store closed. Cindy checked the receipts and then always put the cash drawer in the back. Mel and I cleaned up and wiped down the front counter. Then we had to go change and get back into our own clothes. This was my favorite time of the day, as I was free of my heels, although I was getting more used to them.

On the way home, I told Cat about what had happened.

"You really punched him?" she asked.

"Yes, several times. I feel bad about it now, but at the time I was so angry at him," I replied

"Did he tell you his last name?" asked Cat.

"No, just his first name. Why?" I asked.

"He's Kristen's older brother. I can't wait to tell her!" Cat informed me.

"Please don't, he said he was sorry," I pleaded.

"Don't worry, he'll probably tell her before we do!"

Chapter Fifty-Five

The next week of school flew by. I was kept very busy, as it seemed every teacher was trying to get in everything possible in the weeks before the holiday break. Work was also starting to get more hectic as we were fully into the party season. I was really looking forward to the weekend, specifically Saturday night. That would be the night that Laura, Caroline, and I were going to the club to see Denise play. Their band was called "The Downfall of Humanity." Yes, it was a dumb name, but they seemed to like it. Paul dropped out, claiming a sudden attack of musical appreciation.

The only other thing of note that week was another meeting with the DA. As before, Mom took me down to see him. I kidded her about the bet. It was a pretty routine meeting to update us on what was happening. He wanted to inform us that the third set of DNA tests confirmed what the first two showed.

I then told him what my support group had said about Martin Turner.

"I wouldn't expect them to have a high opinion of him. Martin has made a lot of enemies through his courtroom tactics. He tries to justify his actions by claiming that he is trying to protect his client, but I think he does it to satisfy his own ego," he stated bluntly.

"Did you know him when you were in Philadelphia?" I asked.

"I thought your friend Cat wanted to be the detective?" he said with a smile. "Yes, I knew him there. When I was on the force I testified against several of his clients. He was much worse then. He has become more refined and far more dangerous."

"So, what happened?" asked Mom.

He smiled at her; "He tried to refute my testimony during cross- examination and was failing miserably. He kept pressing on a specific point until he was told to stop by the judge. I could tell that he was about to lose his temper, so when he looked over at me I just smiled at him. He snapped and totally lost his temper. He just started ranting and raving, and he was taken out and held in contempt of court. He ended up being fired after that. But he won't make that mistake again."

"Do you think he's working up this way so he can beat you?" asked Mom.

Sam nodded. "Most likely, but he would deny it. What he does not realize is that I know his tricks. I can prepare my case and my witnesses to nullify his strengths. He is an excellent lawyer, but he has been taking cases that he has no chance of winning just to get a shot at me. The problem in this case is that the defendant is just as delusional. Our case against them is very strong and their defense has many holes in it. But they want to go through with it, even though juries will probably give a harsher penalty that what has been offered."

"If Jason did plead guilty today, how long would he be in jail?" I asked.

"If he was well behaved and stayed out of trouble, he would still serve at least twenty years," he explained. "But I doubt he will stay out of trouble; he has a bad temper and a big mouth, a really bad combination."

"Only twenty years?" I queried. "I would have thought he'd get more years."

"His age and the fact that he is a first time offender will be in his favor during sentencing," explained Sam.

He walked us out to the lobby. I excused myself to use the restroom. I really didn't have to go, I just wanted to give them some time together.

As we drove home, Mom brought up my sudden departure.

"Are you trying to hedge your bet?" she asked.

"I have no idea of what you are talking about. I merely had to go to the bathroom. My, you are suspicious!" I stated as I protested my innocence.

"To be honest, I don't mind if I lose this bet, the consolation prize would be very nice," she smiled.

Chapter Fifty-Six

Caroline and I arrived at Laura's house around 7:30PM. Laura said she wanted time to work on me before we went to the club. Caroline was already ready to go. Her aunt had done her makeup, and she was wearing a very hot looking red dress.

I put myself completely into Laura's hands. She made my eyes much more dramatic than I had ever seen them. She told me that, due to the lighting in the club, my makeup would have to be a bit heavier and more extreme. I wasn't sure if I believed her, but it sounded logical. She finished my makeup and then she brushed my hair out and used a styling gel to finish the effect. When I saw myself, I almost didn't recognize my own face.

She told me that the dress was hanging up in the bathroom. It was a very slinky black dress. It was also slightly low cut. She had a push- up bra sitting out on the counter with a note stating, "Try Me!" on it." I was impressed by the fact that, once I had it on, I looked like I actually had breasts. I was very excited by my new look. It wasn't a way I wanted to look all the time, but it was fun getting dressed up.

Laura had changed while I was in the bathroom. She was also in red and her dress was very similar to the one I was wearing. Before we left for the club, Laura's mom took pictures of us.

We all piled in Laura's car. It only took ten minutes to get to the club. That night there were three other bands playing besides "The Downfall of Humanity." We saw a lot of people from school. I had heard of this place but this was my first time here. The man who ran it ensured that only eighteen and younger got in. Additionally he was strict about drugs and underage drinking. He also owned several other clubs in the area that were for adults, including several in the college area.

Laura made sure that we walked around and that everyone saw us. She was having a lot of fun. I was too. It felt really good to do something silly and fun.

We sat down with some friends from school. The first band was playing mostly '80s and '90s dance music. From what we could tell, Denise and her band would be the next band that night. Much to my initial annoyance, I was asked to dance by a guy from school. My dancing skills were no better now than back at Homecoming. Luckily, it was dark and the dance floor was very crowded.

I have to admit it - I was starting to enjoy dancing. Laura walked over and took my hand and led me out to the dance floor. Now as you know, girls can dance together in clubs and most people don't even look twice at them. But a blind man could have seen that there was something growing between Laura and me. Fortunately it wasn't a slow dance, but even dancing apart there was a deep sense of attraction. We got many knowing looks when we walked back to our seats.

Caroline leaned over and whispered, "Don't take this the wrong way, but watching you and Laura out there was very hot!"

I immediately felt my face blushing. Thankfully, it was too dark for anyone to see. I was feeling very confused. I would have killed to have a girl like Laura when I was back in San Diego. But now I viewed her so differently. Oh, I was attracted to her, but it felt different. I didn't feel turned on like I had when I had been Eric. Now it was different. Yes, even now I find it hard to describe, but it did feel very good.

Another cool thing about the club was the variety of kids there. There were people there dressed in many styles ranging from very causal to very dressed up. We sat and waited while they got the stage set for Downfall. They came out and took the stage and then they started into their first song.

Let me say that I give them a lot of credit for getting up there and playing. I also must admit that they seemed to have their fans. However, their music was very bad, and I don't mean bad in the good sense.

Caroline leaned over and shouted, "They're better than her old band!"

I should also point out that they were also very loud. Actually loud wasn't a good enough description. Deafening might be a better choice of words.

When they finished, we were trying to come up with words to describe them.

"I think they are missing something," noted Laura.

"Talent?" wisecracked Caroline.

Laura and I laughed. "No, I think they should stick with one style of music," I remarked.

"Which style?" asked Caroline

"Probably punk would fit them best," decided Laura.

I nodded in agreement.

"Here comes Denise, quick, think up some lies!" smiled Caroline.

"Hi everyone. I really appreciate you coming tonight," Denise thanked us. "So, what do you think?"

There was a long pause. No one wanted to go first. Actually, no one wanted to say anything. I looked at Laura and then Caroline. I guess that it was up to me.

"You want some constructive criticism, Denise?" I asked.

"Always," she stated, sitting down next to us.

"Your style is a little too exotic for your audience. I think you should go with something a bit more traditional," I explained. "Maybe just punk, for example."

"So we should play the classics? Like the Ramones or the Sex Pistols, groups like that? That might be a good idea," nodded Denise. "Thanks a lot for being honest. I've always liked that about you. I'll run your idea by the rest of the group. Thanks for coming!"

"You know the other day you were saying that you didn't know what you wanted to do?" queried Laura.

"Yes. What about it?" I asked.

"Try politics. That was very impressive, you basically told her that the band was awful and she thanked you!" replied Laura.

We all started laughing.

At least The Downfall wasn't the worst band of the evening. The third band tried to be hard rock. The problem was that they couldn't play together and the lead singer kept forgetting the lyrics. It was so bad that the crowd began to yell the words out to him.

At least the last band could play. The music was similar to the first group and did all cover music of popular songs. At least people could dance to it. I danced a few more dances before Laura monopolized me for the rest of the night. I know we were getting the same amount of stares, but I noticed them less. I particularly enjoyed the last slow dance with her.

A bunch of us decided to meet at a local 24-hour diner. We arrived in several cars and piled into a couple of booths. Everyone was in a great mood. We had less than two full weeks of school left until the break. Only eight school days total. People were sharing their holiday plans. Some were heading out of town and some were having family visit from far away. A few people asked me if I was looking forward to my first white Christmas. I laughed and told them that I preferred the green ones back in San Diego, but I would survive.

Chapter Fifty-Seven

As we drove back to Laura's house, Caroline suggested that Laura should drive me home, as it would be faster. Besides, she said that she lived in the opposite direction. I think she just wanted to let Laura drive me home alone!

I was going to go change but Laura suggested that I just wear the dress home. She said that my mom would like to see me dressed. So she went in quickly and got my stuff. I stayed in the car and turned up the heater.

"Whoa, how cold are you?" It's like an oven in here," quipped Laura, as she got back in the car. She turned it down a bit.

"This dress isn't exactly made for cold weather," I explained.

"I think it's perfect. Just like you," replied Laura softly.

On the drive over I could tell that Laura wanted to say something. I decided to wait. We pulled into my driveway and she stopped the car and put it in park. She turned and looked at me.

She reached up and brushed my hair back from my face. "I think you know how I feel about you, Erika. I truly love you. But I know that you may not be ready for this. I don't want to push you. But I want you to know that I will be here for you."

I felt her hand slip to my cheek. I closed by eyes and felt a slight tremble. It wasn't from cold or fear. Rather it was one of those pleasure waves that run through your body when it is experiencing something wonderful.

"I want to be with you too," I answered. "But, I do need to take it slow. I don't want this to burn out quickly."

With those words she leaned over and gently kissed me. She pulled me closer and held me tight. Now I had kissed girls before, but this was different. First off, it was strange not being the aggressor. Laura had taken charge and for some reason this felt very nice. Second, the kissing itself was different. It was more mutual. I felt very much at ease and things became very clear.

She stopped and sat back. "Well?" she asked with a smile.

I felt myself blushing from excitement. "That was very nice."

Laura smiled. "I will go with your desires and we'll go slowly. I know that you're going through a lot right now, and that the thing I want to do is to make your life more complicated."

I laughed. "Too late. But it is a nice sort of complication. I just don't know if I am ready to get back into a relationship."

"One of the things I love about you, Erika, is your honesty," she added.

"Thanks. I have one question and please don't take this the wrong way. How much of your attraction for me is the fact that I am going through this transition?" I asked.

From the look on her face, I could tell that my question wasn't exactly a surprise. "I was expecting that one. I admit that I find what you are going through very intriguing, and I can't wait until you go on hormones and to see your true body grow. But my attraction is for you. I love this beautiful girl sitting next to me. I love your personality and your sense of humor. I want to be with you, Erika, no matter what form your body is."

"Thank you. I'd better get inside. I had a great night!"

Laura leaned over and kissed me again. I closed my eyes and returned her passion. I felt myself trembling from excitement as we kissed.

"Goodnight, sweetie," she cooed. "I'll wait until you get inside before I leave."

"Thanks, I appreciate that. Good night," I replied. I hesitated with my next response. "I love you." I felt myself blushing again.

"I love you too," she replied. "By the way, you're really cute when you blush!"

I grabbed my clothes and closed her car door. I walked up to my house and gave her one last look before I went inside. My life had just taken another interesting turn.

Chapter Fifty-Eight

Mom was waiting for me as I got in from going to the club.

"Oh, my, you look great!" exclaimed Mom.

"Thanks, I had a lot of fun," I stated as I set down my stuff.

"I can tell!" smiled Mom. "Whoever she was, I like the color of her lipstick."

"Ooops!" I exclaimed as I looked in the mirror and saw Laura's lipstick on my cheeks. "I forgot about that. It's Laura's."

"I see. I take it this was more than just a friendly little kiss. Don't get me wrong Honey, I am not judging you, I just want you to be happy," stated Mom.

"Thanks, Mom!"

"So, do you want tea or hot chocolate?" asked Mom, knowing that we would be staying up for a while.

"I'll take tea please," I replied.

We spent an hour or so talking about it. Mom was very understanding. She told me that she expected me to be flexible in my sexuality. She said that Laura would always be welcome in our house. She then asked me how we would be received in school.

"Most of the kids don't seem to care. Laura may get more grief than I do. She did say that she got a note in her locker calling her a dyke, but considering they spelled it D-I-K-E, she didn't really worry about it. You know, I could be one of the first students ever to be called both faggot and dyke in the same school year!" I quipped.

We both laughed about that.

"How do you think her parents will feel about you?"

"Good question. They did warm up slightly to Cat when Laura was dating her, so who knows?"

I went to bed with a lot of questions, but also with a sense of security in knowing that my mom and friends would support me.

Chapter Fifty-Nine

The next couple of weeks were a complete blur. School was busy, work was busy, and my private life was busy. I'll talk about school first.

As I stated earlier, my teachers seemed to be trying to get as much work crammed into our schedule as was possible. My biggest project was my Civics paper. Mr. Kline, my teacher, liked my rough draft. He had me stay after school one afternoon so he could read it and provide constructive criticism.

"Well written paper, but you need to pay closer attention to your grammar and spelling. I recommend that you have someone edit it for you," he suggested. He was sitting on the edge of his desk, drinking a cup of coffee.

"Thanks, I thought I had caught them all. It does bother me when I miss the mistakes, sometimes my mind is running in a faster gear than my typing," I explained. Unfortunately, I still have that problem; some things never change!

"What's new on the trial front?" he said.

I told him about the trial date being set and the issues with the defense lawyer. I appreciated that he treated me like an adult when we talked about the trial.

"Unfortunately, that is one of the necessary evils of having a fair legal system. You must allow the defendant to have a fair trial and any restrictions on them could sway things too far in favor of the prosecution," he quipped.

We both laughed slightly.

"I understand the need for a fair system. That doesn't make it any easier when I have to be subjected to a public verbal assault," I stated angrily.

"If you feel up to it I'd like you to address next semester's Civics class. Your insight into the workings of our legal system would be an interesting lecture," he offered.

"You want me to teach a class?" I asked. I was stunned by his request.

"Sure, why not?" he continued. "Think about it, you don't have to make up your mind now. But I think you'd like doing it."

He'd definitely given me something to think about.

Work was going really good - too good. We were swamped and during our shift we barely had time to think, let alone take a break. I think my breaking in period was more to get my feet used to heels than anything else! I was getting a nice paycheck and it allowed me to get my shopping done without having to borrow from Mom. I did some of my shopping at the store, thanks to my employee discount. Cindy said that we should be getting a great bonus this year.

The guys in the leather goods shop were really nice to me and they had also become very protective of me. They often walked me out to the parking lot at the end of the day. I was pleased that they watched over me, as I was still a bit uneasy about being alone at night.

One more thing, Mel had started going out with Cliff. They were so different, but they seemed to get along great.

My group meetings were going well. I looked forward to my weekly group session. The initial hostility was a thing of the past. Dana had really taken to me and told me that, if I wanted, she would be in the court during the trial. I sort of looked at her as a role model. I decided that I wouldn't become as bitter and angry was she had become. It was a shame because that Dana could be such a nice and caring person, but she was carrying around so much anger and hostility. I felt sorry for her, as deep down I suspected that she wanted to get rid of her rage. I thanked her but told her that it wouldn't be necessary. Karen and I had a long talk about it and she agreed that I had done the right thing.

Then there was my social life. First off, Paul and Caroline were really becoming close. They went everywhere together. We were still good friends and my having dated him wasn't an issue.

Laura and I were slowly getting closer. This was due more to my being so busy as anything. I knew that I was falling deeply in love with her and that I was also getting comfortable with her taking the more dominant role in the relationship.

Chapter Sixty

The last day of school before the break was a rather eventful day. We had an impromptu meeting with Ms. B, as she wanted to talk to all of us about the contest and the holidays. She hinted at some sort of reward for everyone who stayed in and reminded us to follow the rules. After the meeting I stayed around to talk to her.

"I hope you have a good break Erika. I have really enjoyed having you in the competition this year," she complimented.

"It's been interesting, to say the least. I want to give you this," I stated, as I handed her a package.

She took the gift and smiled back at me. "You shouldn't have, Erika! Do you want me to open it now?"

"Yes, please," I replied. "It isn't much, but you have meant a lot to me and I wanted to give you something."

Ms. B opened the box and took out a charcoal gray scarf. "It's very lovely. This is very thoughtful!"

She gave me a long hug.

The rest of the school day was a lot of fun. Most of the teachers accepted the fact that no one wanted to be there and we didn't do a lot. The only class that I did any work in was Home Economics and all we did was make cookies. We made a lot for the scavengers who hung outside the door on the days we cooked. Mrs. Roberts didn't mind as long as they didn't disrupt the class. I looked over and saw Alex peeking in. I picked up a plate of sugar cookies and took them out to him. When I stepped out into the hallway to talk to Alex, I naturally found Mike with him.

"What class are you guys skipping right now?" I asked.

"Shhhh! Actually, if you give us a few extra we can bribe Mr. Grant and not get into trouble," begged Mike, with a smile.

"Here, take the whole plate. Have a great holiday!" I exclaimed.

Mike took the plate and then gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. Alex did the same and they took off back to math class.

I walked back into class with a big smile on my face.

"So who was out there today?" asked Mrs. Roberts.

"Just my guardian angels," I told her.

I had to hurry home as Mrs. Lincoln had asked me to work early that week. I had to be in at 4:30 instead of 6:00, but I really didn't mind. I rushed home to shower and change. I had just finished getting dressed when Mom came home.

"Hi, honey, do you need a ride to work?" she asked.

"Yes, please! You're home early, is everything OK?"

"It's perfect. They let us out early today because of the holidays," she answered. "I also got the promotion!"

I ran over to her and gave her a big hug. "That is so cool. I am so happy for you!"

On the way to work, she told me all about it. She would have to take a few classes at the college, but they were paying for them. It also meant a big pay raise. It was the perfect present!

For the first hour of our shift we worked with the day people. The only one I knew was the seamstress, Rita, whom I had met during Homecoming. She was working longer hours for the holidays and often could get a dress altered immediately, depending on the customer. Certain customers got extra special treatment from Mrs. Lincoln. I know what you are thinking, but it wasn't because they were rich or had just spent a lot of money in the store. Some customers just ended up on Mrs. Lincoln's "A" list and were treated extra special.

I carried the trash out by myself that night. It was the first time that I done it alone without feeling really frightened. It was a small step, but at least I was moving forward.

The mall stayed open until 10:00, and we had customers in the store until almost 10:30. Mrs. Lincoln's policy was that you never turn a customer away. Fortunately, they all spent a lot of money so it was worth it.

It took longer to close down the store. Mel and I spent almost 40 minutes straightening up the stacks of clothes. It was almost 11:30 before we had changed and were ready to go home. I was impressed that Mrs. Lincoln was there the whole time. Before we left, she called us over and handed each of us an envelope.

"Now, here are your bonuses. I want to thank each of you for getting through another hectic holiday season, but don't forget that we still have the New Year to deal with."

I didn't expect that much of a bonus as I had only been there for a few weeks. Still it was the thought that counted. I was stunned to see a check for $500.00.

"This must be a mistake, Mrs. Lincoln," I explained.

"Excuse, me young lady, but I never make mistakes," she replied sternly. "You have worked very hard since you got here and I want to make sure that you stay with us. However, I want you to put some of that away for college."

"Thank you so much," I replied. I then gave her a hug.

"Have a wonderful Christmas, but don't forget I will need you all in for the New Year's Eve rush," she added.

Cindy drove me home and we talked a little about Mrs. Lincoln , the store and the holidays. We gave each other a big hug as she dropped me off at home.

As I walked up the sidewalk, I noticed how still everything was. There were a few inches of snow on the ground and the sky was clear and totally free of clouds. The air was cold and clean. I hesitated before going inside. I looked up at the stars. The sky was filled with them and they looked so close. I was snapped out of my trance by Cindy who was waiting for me to go in.

"Everything okay?" she asked.

"Yes, everything is fine. Happy Holidays!" I waved goodnight and I entered the house.

Mom was waiting for me by the front door, "What's up?" she asked. "I heard Cindy's car pull up and I didn't hear you come in, so I got a little concerned."

"I'm fine. I was just taking in the beautiful night. I no longer feel afraid of the dark."

"That's wonderful, honey," she exclaimed, and we hugged. I knew she was more worried about me than she let on.

It was amazing, the fear that had gripped me when I was outside at night had just vanished. I can't explain it but it was like a big weight had been taken off my shoulders.

Chapter Sixty-One

I won't go into Christmas other than to say that we all had a wonderful time. I'd rather focus on New Year's Eve and the party at Kristen's. I probably should have devoted more time earlier describing Kristen Carr. She was the head cheerleader and probably the most popular girl in school. Additionally, she was dating the star quarterback. She's blonde, beautiful, friendly and intelligent. This combination could be very dangerous in most other people; the potential to be a totally stuck up conceited bitch was very high. However, Kristen is a genuinely nice person. She was friendly and social with most students on campus, and I am proud to consider her one of my closest friends.

While we didn't socialize a lot, due to our conflicting schedules, we'd become great friends. She sat next to me in Ecology and we'd ended up as lab partners. We did a big project together on endangered species. We put together a PowerPoint presentation. We focused on captive breeding programs in the US. It was a big success. The class especially liked the list of websites that had live web cams showing mothers and their young. We'd got lucky as the San Diego Zoo had a web cam on their new baby chimpanzee and her mom. We ended up with the top grade in the class.

When I was elected to the Homecoming court I'd been a bit worried that Kristen might be upset with me being on the court. I couldn't have been more wrong. I later found out that she had campaigned for me to be on her court and had told a few irate parents that she would boycott Homecoming if I were excluded.

She didn't even mind the fact that her boyfriend was protective of me. In fact, she encouraged him to do so. Then of course, she was one of the leaders of the group that created the banner for me. I know that today some people question if she is really that nice. I can testify that it isn't just hype from a PR man.

Kristen was also really cool about the incident with her brother Cliff. He'd felt even worse once he found out that I was a friend of his sister's. She told me that she thought it was really funny that I had given him a bloody nose.

Anyway, the big New Year's Eve party would be at her family's house. Alex suggested that they could hold it in the barn, but the lack of heat killed that idea. Kristen also wanted it to be a dress up party. She wanted a classy event that we would remember the rest of our lives, not a drunken party.

Cat, Laura, and I decided to go all out for the party. We made an appointment at the salon to get our hair and nails done on Dec. 30th. Laura was a bit wary at going to a different place, but Cat convinced her it would be okay. As we had our nails done she commented on how nice this place was.

"They are much better than the place I've been going to. Why didn't you tell me about this place earlier?" she asked.

"We did!" replied Cat and I in unison.

On our way out Laura noticed my photo in their gallery, "Well! I didn't know I was in the presence of a celebrity!" she said with a laugh.

The evening of the party we all met at Laura's house. She insisted on doing our makeup. Cat was a little apprehensive about it. She didn't care for the overdone look she had seen in the pictures from the night we went to the club. But Laura promised to tone it down a notch. She did a great job on both of us, and while she finished her own makeup Cat and I changed.

When Mrs. Lincoln had heard me talking about the party, she'd insisted that she provide me with a dress. She loaned me a very beautiful and very expensive black, sleeveless dress. I was initially afraid to even try it on, but she insisted. Cindy had told me that Mrs. Lincoln saw her employees as the daughters she'd never had, so it was pointless to argue with her. I had to admit that I really loved the way I looked in the dress.

I hadn't shown it to Cat and Laura, as I wanted to surprise them. They both looked stunned and slightly envious when they first saw me in it. Mom had helped me pick out my jewelry and shoes. I was wearing four- inch heels and had a simple gold chain around my neck and small gold hoop earrings.

Cat smiled at my appearance. "Erika, I can't believe how great you look."

I looked over at Laura and she was just staring at me.

"Well?" I replied as I posed for Laura.

"You look good enough to eat," quipped Laura.

"Save it for later you two. Don't make me have to hose you both down!" joked Cat.

Both Cat and Laura looked great. Cat was also in black, while Laura was dressed in red. We had a lot of fun posing for photos taken by Laura's mom.

Chapter Sixty-Two

We arrived at Kristen's house a little after 9:30. The party was just getting started. Kristen was very pleased to see us and she gave us a quick tour. Her family had a beautiful home.

I looked around the party and saw many of the crowd from the football parties. I was happy to see that Mike and Tracey were there as well as Paul and Caroline. Caroline and I were the only two contestants at the party. That really wasn't a surprise as the others ran in different social circles. I was happy to run into Rachael. She joked that I looked better in a dress than she did. I was pleased to see that she was dating Chris Taylor. They had started as training partners during their respective seasons and it had just kind of developed into romance.

The party was spread out over the house. The downstairs family room had been cleared for dancing. In the dining room a huge buffet was set up. The living room was the place for talking. We made the rounds to see who was there. When we reached the family room, Laura insisted on the two of us dancing. I was getting better but was still far from graceful. Laura told me what was important was that I was at least trying to dance.

We ended up dancing with other people including Cat. I even danced once with Paul. After dancing a while I needed a break and I headed upstairs. I was getting something cold to drink when Kristen's mom came up to me. We had met once at one of the football parties.

"You're Erika, aren't you?" she asked.

"Yes, I am, Mrs. Carr."

"That's a lovely dress. May I ask where you bought it?" she asked.

I explained to her that it was from the shop where I worked, and that it had been loaned to me.

"So, how's everything else going?" she asked. "We were so shocked to hear what that beast did to you."

"I'm doing better; the trial will start in early February. I'll be glad when it's over," I replied. I really didn't mind her questions.

"I just want you to know that the community is behind you 100%. If you need anything, let us know. We have a lot of pull in this town," she bragged.

"Thank you, I appreciate your concern," I replied honestly.

"Also, let me know if Cliff does anything stupid. Sometimes I'm not sure he has any common sense whatsoever," she quipped with a smile.

"Actually, he has been really nice to me and he even stayed with me while I was waiting for my ride home," I replied in Cliff's defense.

She smiled, pleased that he had redeemed himself. "It was nice talking to you, Erika. I'll let you get back to your friends."

"Thank you, Mrs. Carr." I turned around and saw Cat and Laura coming upstairs.

"Come on Erika, it's almost time for the ball to come down!" announced Cat.

I looked at the clock and saw that it was 11:45. Kristen was getting everyone into the living room. Mrs. Carr came in with a tray of champagne glasses. There was some ooohing and ahhhing from the guys.

"Don't get too excited, it's just sparkling grape juice," explained Kristen.

So, everyone had a glass while waiting for the ball to fall and signal the new year. I thought about everything that had happened to me that year and it barely seemed real. I almost got lost in my thoughts, but was snapped back to reality by Laura who had wrapped her arm around my waist.

"Ready to bring in the New Year?" she asked.

I smiled back, "Absolutely! Oh. I just remembered, here take these coins, it's supposed to be good luck to be holding money at midnight on New Year's," I said as I handed her and Cat some coins from my purse.

"Do you really believe that?" asked Laura, as she looked at the coin.

"I see no reason to take any chances!" I replied.

We watched as the clock ticked down. Everyone counted down the last few seconds, " Five.... Four... Three.... Two.... One!" Then everyone yelled "Happy New Year!"

We toasted with the grape juice and everyone began hugging and kissing. Laura pulled me close and we embraced. She looked at me and then we kissed. It was long and very sensual. I was feeling tingles all over my body. Fortunately, we stopped before we went too far.

"Happy New Year, sweetie," she whispered in my ear.

We hung out at the party for a few more hours. Yes, I know that it may have sounded a bit tame, but at least everyone made it home in one piece. I know there were other parties in town that had lots of drinking and other things. But I figured that my life was complicated enough. I also wanted to stay out of trouble. The last thing I wanted to do was to give Jason any ammunition for the trial.

Cat asked me if I wanted her to see about getting a ride home so Laura and I could be alone. I thanked her for the option but I really wasn't ready to go any farther with Laura. I found it ironic that I was dating one of the prettiest girls on campus and I was the one taking it slowly. I wasn't sure of the reason for my apprehension. Maybe there was some residual effect from the attack or maybe I wasn't totally comfortable with my new gender/sex role. Fortunately, Laura was very understanding.

"Look, we agreed to take this slow and I'm willing to wait," explained Laura, "But I must admit that it is very difficult to hold back looking at you in that dress."

I smiled and leaned over and kissed her, "Thank you, I really love you."

There was a sudden exodus and soon we were the last group there. So we decided to help Kristen clean up. The only other people still there, besides us, were Alex, Mike, and Tracey.

Mrs. Carr felt we got to the worst of it and told us that they would get the rest later. We ended up sitting in the living room talking. It was just starting to sink in that in less than six months we would be going our separate ways. Even though I had only known these people for less than a year, I felt very close to all of them. I think everyone picked up on the significance of the moment and that everything would soon be different. There was a desire to hold on to this feeling forever.

Mrs. Carr, sensing what was going on, had us all get together for a group shot. She told us that she would get us all copies.

"This is the kind of photo that you will hold onto for the rest of your lives," she explained.

She was right. I had my copy framed, and I still get a smile whenever I look at it.

Chapter Sixty-Three

As fun as the party was, it also marked the end of our break. It was time to get back into the routine of going to school again. I looked over my planner and saw how my week shaped up. I was still working four days a week. Then there was group therapy on Saturdays and my separate sessions with Jenny every other Tuesday. The latest thing added to my schedule was my running.

Coach Chambers wanted me to be on the track team in the spring, and I had been slacking off in my running. I'd stopped after the attack, and I kept finding excuses not to start again. I had no desire to run outside. I was getting more used to the cold, but still didn't want to run outside. So I decided to join the local fitness center. It was located in the mall, so I got an employee discount. They had machines, but I preferred to use their track, even if it meant running lots and lots of laps. The good thing about the running was that it gave me time to work off my growing anxiety about the trial.

Actually, I wasn't sure how much help I would be to the track team. I was a long distance runner and the longest event for girls was only the 3K. Coach asked me if I was interested in trying the pole vault, as they only had one girl presently on the team who competed in that event. She said that she had a friend who could coach me. I said that I would give it a try, but I doubted that I would be a big help. Coach told me that she mainly wanted me around on the team because I was a good teammate.

So, between school, work and training I didn't have a lot of free time. This suited me fine. I still had a social life and there was also my budding romance with Laura. I thought that staying busy was the best way to cope with everything that had happened and with the trial. After all I had been making great advances in the past few weeks, so I thought that the worst was behind me.

To be honest, the competition had become secondary. It was still very important to me, but as I was moving towards transition it all was looking so easy. The meetings and the upcoming tasks were merely small hurdles. I also stopped looking at the display case. Looking back I was pretty arrogant about it all.

The first day back we had a meeting with Ms. B. The first thing that everyone noticed was that we were down to ten contestants. Of course, Caroline was back, as were Denise, Ann, Debbie, Claire, and Lisa. I'll go into the other three later. Caroline figured that Denise would stick it out to the end too. She just liked her female persona and she treated it as if it was just another phase of life. That was fine with me. I liked her a lot and I found her attitude very refreshing.

Ms. B was pleased to see as many of us back. She told us that were now guaranteed a minimum $1000.00 scholarship regardless of how much longer we lasted. It was our reward for making it through the holidays. This naturally caught us all off guard. This was a drop in the bucket for a major school, but it would cover a lot of the costs for community college.

"Now, if you are all done celebrating, I have a date for you to write down. The first weekend in April you will all be models for a fashion show to be held at the Chamber of Commerce Luncheon. There will be a practice session on Saturday and the actual show will be on Sunday," she announced.

There was stunned silence in the room. I thought this sounded like fun, but as I looked around the room at the faces of some of the other contestants, I figured we'd be down to single digits by tomorrow.

"There will be additional information on the show as we get closer. However, I want to let you all know that this group always gives a scholarship to at least one model every year," continued Ms. B.

After the meeting, she asked me to stay behind. She looked concerned.

"Is there something wrong Ms. B?" I asked.

"I'm not sure. How are you holding up?" she asked.

"I feel great. Why do you think something is wrong?"

"Well, some of your friends are a bit worried. They think you may be trying to do too much," she explained.

"I'm okay. I appreciate their concern but, to be honest, I haven't felt this good in a long time," I replied. It was true. I felt great.

By the look on her face, I don't think I convinced Ms. B. "If you need help, please come see me."

"I promise," I replied. I felt pleased knowing my friends cared about me.

Chapter Sixty-Four

The following weekend I had my first practice cross-examination. Mom drove me over to the college and dropped me off. Karen and Jenny brought in a retired lawyer to act as the defense attorney. He was an older man, medium build, very distinguished looking, with gray hair and piercing blue eyes. He was wearing a tailored three-piece suit. They set up the classroom to simulate the courtroom and told me to pretend that this was the real thing.

I thought that it wouldn't be that bad, but I was wrong; it was brutal. His questioning was fast paced and I barely had time to think. He became impatient and raised his voice when he addressed me. He also used sarcasm when referring to my name and gender. I was suckered into losing my temper in less than ten minutes. My anger grew and I began to loose control, as he hit me with question after question, and soon I was confused and rambling. Still, he didn't stop it. After twenty minutes I could barely remember my name. By the 30-minute point I was a total wreck. I was almost ready to start crying. That is when they stopped.

Jenny took me outside and got me calmed down and relaxed. After twenty minutes she brought me back in. Sitting at the table were Karen and the lawyer.

"Erika, let me introduce you to your tormenter Mr. Robert Hancock," stated Karen.

"It is good to meet you, Erika," he greeted. He was now smiling and it caught me a bit off guard.

I sat down at the table. "Nice to meet you too," I answered, rather flatly.

"I can understand your feelings. But if it makes you feel better you lasted longer than I expected," he added with a smile.

He went on to tell me that he had been a prosecuting attorney and then a judge for nearly twenty-five years. Since retirement, he had become a volunteer expert and he specialized in helping victims prepare for cross-examination and he specialized in "high profile" cases.

"So you consider my case to be 'high profile?'" I asked.

He nodded. "Yes, I'm afraid so. Knowing Martin Turner, he will try to make this into a circus to distract from his weak case. Jenny told me that you are an athlete. Good! I want you to consider what we are doing here as training to get you ready for a big event."

For the next hour, he told me how to conduct myself while on the stand. I was told to dress conservatively and to be well groomed. He told me to make eye contact with the jury. I should answer questions with sincere, positive, definite answers. He said that Turner would try to give me yes or no questions, but it was okay to explain to the judge that the answer couldn't be given in a one-word response.

Next, he told me to watch my temper and avoid getting into an argument with him, and if the judge interrupted then to stop speaking. He said that Sam would protect me as much as possible and that I should have faith in him.

He gave me a wealth of information. But knowing what to do and actually doing it was different.

"Look, as long as you stay cool and tell the truth you will be fine. Don't ever lie - any lie, no matter how small. Martin will pick up on it and he will use it against you. By the time you testify, you will be ready," explained Robert. "So, same time next week?"

I nodded yes.

With that he walked out. I knew he was there to help me, but I couldn't help feel agitated at what he'd put me through.

"Are you still angry at him?" asked Jenny with a smile.

"Be honest, Erika," added Karen.

"Okay, I am still a little angry at him," I answered. I did manage to crack a smile.

"Good! Then he is doing his job. Remember that Martin may act friendly too, but he isn't your friend either," explained Jenny. "Robert is one of the best at his job. He does this strictly as a volunteer and he has helped us many times. Think about what he said to you and read this booklet."

She handed me a small booklet titled "Sexual Assault Victims Judicial Guide."

"Forget the formal sounding title, that book is full of information that will help you get through this," added Karen.

"I'll read it. I know that he means well and I will do what he says," I answered. I thought about his comments about treating this like an athletic competition. The main difference was that there was no prize for second place.

Chapter Sixty-Five

The weeks leading up to the trial were surprisingly normal - actually, above normal! I was excelling in school and work. Laura and I were moving along slowly. I was worried a little that she would get fed up with the way I was inching into our relationship. I talked to Cat about it and she told me not to worry about that.

My practice sessions with Mr. Hancock were proceeding along nicely. He was still very hard on me, but he felt that I would be ready by the time the trial started. I was still hoping that Jason would just plead guilty and end it there. But part of me really wanted to testify; it was as if I needed to tell what happened publicly. I was expecting to be more stressed out, but the closer we got to the trial, the better I felt. I was feeling very much at peace with myself as I counted down the days until the trial started. Looking back, I view this time as the calm before the storm.

Chapter Sixty-Six

Well, the big day finally arrived and the trial began. As expected there was some media interest in the trial. Thankfully, the judge had decided not to allow cameras in the courtroom and had turned down a request to have the case televised. The press was warned to respect the privacy of all involved and reminded that I was a minor. I think the fear of a public backlash for exploiting a victim of a violent crime kept many away from the story.

I had intended to avoid reading the paper or watching TV coverage of the trial, but my curiosity got the better of me. I think what bothered me most was the way I was described and the use of gender. The local paper was very cool and always used the correct pronouns, but they were the exception. Mom said that it was due more to ignorance than any intended prejudice. I wasn't so sure.

There were several requests for interviews. Mom turned them all down. That was the last thing I needed right now. I also later found out that she'd had Terri screen our mail during the trial. My being transgendered brought out a fair share of hateful people. Fortunately, I never saw the letters. I only found out about them later on. Cat told me that they were pretty vile. She said that they ranged from homophobes to religious nuts. Thankfully, they soon tired of this activity.

Mrs. Lee had worked out a program that would allow me to keep up with my classes. Fortunately, thanks to my transfer credits from San Diego, I had a very easy schedule for the second semester. My schedule was Child Development, Law & Enforcement (an elective taught by Mr. Kline), Photography, PE, American Literature, and I was a Teaching Assistant in US History for Mr. Kline. Still I would be missing a lot of classes, so I had a lot of homework.

Mrs. Lincoln had taken me off the schedule until the trial was over, she did however continue to pay me. Mom's company was also very understanding and told her she could take off the time as necessary. I cannot find any fault with the way the town treated us during the trial.

I was nervous as we waited for the judge to enter the courtroom. Jason was sitting with Martin Turner. He was dressed in a nice suit and looked like he was going to church. He had short hair and was clean- shaven. They made him look so nice and normal, as if he was incapable of committing any crime. I wrote down much of what I saw in a small notebook for my future lecture.

Martin Turner had won one small battle. The facts of Jason's previous attack on me wouldn't be allowed to be discussed in the trial. He argued that it was prejudicial to Jason. The judge would allow it in the penalty phase.

I took a deep breath and tried to act calm. I felt Mom's hand on my shoulder. I looked over and felt a little better.

The judge entered the court and the trial started. By listening to the opening statements you might have thought you were listening to two completely different cases.

The DA told the court about a violent crime of abduction, assault and sexual assault. He stated that the evidence would prove this beyond a shadow of a doubt. He took several hours to lay out the case.

After lunch, Martin Turner gave the defense's opening statement. He told the jury that this wasn't a case of sexual assault but a case of deception and the overreaction of a shocked young man. He stated that the sex was consensual and that due to my deception Jason was the true victim in the case. I was prepared for this and I wasn't that bothered. It was how he kept referring to me as "he" and as "Eric" that was annoying. It was as if Erika didn't exist, so therefore there was no crime.

After he finished, the judge let us go for the day. Sam Warren had decided to give the physical evidence first and then use me as his last witness. He told me that I could expect to be taking the stand in four or five days.

That pretty much wrapped up the first day. I felt really tired as we drove home, almost to the point of exhaustion. I put it off as due to being so keyed up about the trial. I slept very poorly that night. I woke up often during the night. I thought about the trial and everything that could go wrong. I cursed Jason for causing so much pain in my life.

The next day Sam started his case. The photos taken of me the night of the attack shocked me. I had seen them before but seeing them blown up and in a courtroom was different. I barely recognized myself. My face was bloody and my hair was all dirty, sweaty, and pulled back. I glared over at Jason as he shielded his eyes from the photos. I wished the judge would make him look at them. I also observed the jury. They seemed shocked by what Jason had done to me.

Sam had experts testify on the condition of my clothes and that they showed grass and mud stains consistent with our yard. They also showed photos of the marks in the ground where he tackled me. They also pointed out the residue of the tape on my pants legs.

A doctor testified about my injuries. He explained that the facial injuries were very deliberate and didn't look like those given in a moment of rage. He stated that in most cases of rage the victim was in much worse shape. He also commented on the injury to my ribs, stating that it was very similar to injuries experienced by football players when they are tackled.

There wasn't a lot of cross-examination by Martin Turner. He made a few arguments on minor points. This was a surprise as I'd thought he would be arguing everything said.

The truck driver was called next. He told the court the condition that I was in, when he found me. The truck driver described my condition and how terrible I looked.

"You removed the duct tape that was binding her wrists?" asked Sam.

"Yes," the truck driver replied.

"Would you describe the tape as being on tight or loose?" asked Sam.

"Very tight. I almost had to cut it off," the man replied.

"Thank you, no further questions," remarked Sam.

Sam wanted to show how brutal Jason had been with me.

Martin asked a few questions, but again I was surprised passive the defense was acting.

In addition to the large photos of my injuries, there were large poster board sized diagrams in the court. Some showed the timeline while others showed the location of key events. Sam used these to visualize the events and the sequence of events.

Sam then called Alex, Cat, Laura, and Mom to testify about the timeline of events. They confirmed the approximate time that I left the party, when I arrived at Cat's house and when I left for home. Mom testified about making the 911 call after receiving Cat's phone call. Again there wasn't a lot of argument by Martin Turner. He did try to imply that Cat and Laura were protecting me by lying to everyone about my love for Jason. I almost choked when he said that.

Sam followed this with the playing of the 911 tape to the court. I was shocked to hear Mom's voice and the fear in her voice. I glared at Jason for the pain he had caused my friends and family.

The next to testify were the various investigating police officers. Included in this group was Nina Robbins, who had collected the rape evidence. The last policeman to speak was the NY State Trooper who had arrested Jason.

The DNA expert went last. He showed how the various samples all matched Jason. They held up photos showing the dumpster and Jason's van. There were circled areas showing where they found samples. They found my blood in Jason's van, on his clothes, and on the edge of the dumpster. They identified Jason's semen on my clothing and from the samples taken during the rape examination. They also identified hairs found on the duct tape as belonging to Jason. Cat found this extremely interesting.

At the end of the third day of the trial, I asked Sam why Martin Turner hadn't been more aggressive in cross-examining the witnesses.

"It's simple, Erika, since they are claiming that what happened between you and Jason was consensual, they have no reason to dispute the evidence. They've admitted that Jason struck you and taped you up. What Martin is betting on is that he can discredit you. If he can do that, then the rest of the evidence means nothing," explained Sam. "Martin is also being careful not to slip up and introduce any evidence that will allow me to mention the previous assault."

"So you are saying that it is all up to me then?" I asked. "Nothing like a little added pressure!"

We both smiled at the joke. But it did deepen the importance of my taking the stand.

"I thought the judge said that you couldn't talk about the earlier attack?" interrupted Mom.

"I can't. But if Martin brings it up, then it's fair game. Martin knows that their case is shot if we prove that Jason knew your biological gender," replied Sam.

I was feeling more and more tired. Oh, I could make it through the day, but I had little energy for anything but the trial. I really had to force myself to do my homework. Even eating was a struggle. The trial went into recess over the weekend and Sam told me that I would most likely be on the stand by late Monday.

Cat and Laura did their best to cheer me up. Cat told me that I was fortunate that I didn't have to wear the pregnancy empathy belly during the trial. I think I laughed for the first time in a week. We hung out all weekend long and they tried to make me relax, but my mind was on the trial.

I was really stressing by Sunday. I was still waking up at night. I was also having some frightening nightmares. In some of them I was back in the dumpster and Jason was trying to get me. Mom suggested that I call up Jenny. Actually, that's not true. It wasn't a suggestion. Mom had called Jenny and she took me over to her office.

We talked for over an hour and she made me feel a bit better. Jenny said that it wasn't unusual to have nightmares so close to the trial. She also told me that she would be in court during my testimony and cross-examination. She told me to take it slowly and not to press myself too hard. I knew that Mom had been talking to her about the way I was behaving, but I didn't press the point. I fully expected to feel better after the trial was over.

Chapter Sixty-Seven

Monday morning, I felt surprising refreshed. I took the stand and had to state my full name. It felt strange calling myself Eric Walters while I was wearing a skirt and a blouse. The judge then asked if I was more comfortable being called Erika and I told him yes. I watched Martin Turner and saw him making notes. I then refocused and prepared for my testimony.

I initially told about the competition and my gradual acceptance of my true gender. I spoke as Mr. Hancock had taught me. I made eye contact with the jury and initially avoided looking at Jason. I answered every question that Sam asked completely honestly. So far, so good.

Sam brought up the controversy in the fall and the physical I was forced to take to prove I was a male. He did this without mentioning Jason or his mother and therefore the judge allowed it to stay in the case.

"So, the results of the physical were made public?" he asked.

"Yes, there was a meeting where any parent could view the results," I replied.

"Objection!" exclaimed Martin Turner. "My client was not..."

"Your honor, may both attorneys approach the bench," interrupted Sam.

The judge nodded and they walked over to discuss something. I don't know what was said at the time, but the objection was withdrawn. Sam walked away smiling, and Martin Turner appeared shaken. He then sat down and glared at Sam.

Sam went into the competition and asked some personal questions. He'd told me ahead of time that, while the questions were personal, his asking them would take ammo away from the defense. So my life was laid out and exposed for the world to hear.

As I progressed, I found that I was gaining confidence and I could look over at Jason. He sat there smugly. Every now and then he would shake his head and lean over and talk to Martin Turner.

We went into recess for lunch before I got into the actual assault. Sam told me that I was doing a good job so far. I looked out over the court and saw many friendly faces. As promised, Jenny was in the crowd, as was Karen. Thankfully Dana stayed away, I love her, but she's too volatile. I also saw Cat, Terri, and Laura. Mr. Kline and Ms. B were also there. I apologize to everyone else who was there and that I've failed to mention.

I forced myself to eat, even though I wasn't very hungry.

After lunch, I told about the night that I was assaulted. Sam pretty much let me tell the story. He stopped me at times so he could emphasize a detail. Martin Turner objected a few times, but was overruled each time. Jason sat there and stared at me. I even thought I saw a small smile on his face, I was hoping that the jury also saw it.

I had a very hard time holding back my emotions as I told about being abducted and assaulted. My voice cracked a few times and I had to fight back tears. When I told about the actual rape, I lost my composure for a short time and my voice cracked due to emotion. I also broke down in tears. The judge asked me if I could go on or would I prefer a break. I shook my head no and told him that I wanted to continue. I regained my composure and finished telling the court about the attack. I focused on Jason and glared at him. Maybe I should have tried to be more detached, but the hate and rage that helped me survive the attack resurfaced. I was no longer telling this to the jury but to Jason, I wanted him to feel my pain. When I finished, I looked over at the jury and I saw a few of them smiling and some others nodding knowingly at me. Jason was looking down at the table; he wouldn't look up as I left the stand.

"What happened during that conference at the bench this morning?" I asked Sam.

He smiled. "Martin Turner was about to object based on the fact that Jason was not at the meeting when the doctor confirmed your biological gender. I told the Judge that if he allowed Martin's objection, then I should be allowed to tell the jury WHY Jason was not at the meeting."

"That explains Martin's pale look as he left the bench," stated Mom. "I thought he was going to be sick!"

I actually laughed at Mom's comment.

"You were good in there today, Erika. I know you'll do good tomorrow, so get some rest," remarked Sam.

My cross-examination would start in the morning.

Chapter Sixty-Eight

I was up really early the next morning. I sat in the kitchen drinking a mug of Earl Grey and thinking about what was going to happen. Mom came down and joined me. We didn't talk; her presence was enough to calm me. Without asking, she fixed me my favorite breakfast, buttermilk pancakes with real maple syrup. It was the first meal I'd enjoyed in days.

After eating, I went back upstairs and changed. Before I applied my makeup I ran my fingers across the scar above my eye. I felt a sudden urge of rage at what Jason had done to me. Why did he do this to me? Why had he caused me so much pain?

I stared back at my reflection and focused my anger. No, I wouldn't let him get away with what he had done to me. While I wasn't happy about my impending cross-examination, I knew that it was the only way to get back at Jason.

I dressed in a conservative black skirt and green sweater. I wanted the jury to take me seriously.

We arrived in the courtroom and again I was pleased to see so many friends in the crowd. I was immediately strengthened by seeing Mrs. Lincoln sitting next to Ms. B. They seemed very friendly and I wondered if they knew each other better than from the Homecoming fitting. I was also pleased to see Coach Chambers in the crowd.

I was recalled to the stand and prepared myself for the cross-exam. The judge warned the defense about the line of questioning. He was told that my sexual history was not admissible. I found it ironic that my only sexual experience, besides kissing and a little petting, was the rape.

"Well, Eric, you told the court a very interesting story yesterday. I would like to ask you about a few minor points," he asked, in a nice calm voice, "You don't mind me calling you Eric, do you?"

"My friends call me Erika," I replied calmly.

He had a slight smirk on his face for a second, "Very well. However, since I am here to shine the light of truth on these proceedings, I think a good place to start with the truth is to use your legal name and gender."

Sam immediately objected and Martin withdrew the last comment.

"Still, I want to get one thing straight. Tell me your legal name," asked Martin.

"Eric Alexander Walters," I replied.

"And, for the record, your true biological gender?" he continued

"Presently, I am male," I replied softly.

"Please repeat your answer louder, Eric," demanded Martin.

"My biological gender is male," I replied, in a slightly louder tone. I did my best not to control my temper, as I knew this was just the beginning.

"Thank you, Eric," stated Martin. "See, telling the truth isn't so hard."

Sam immediately objected and the judge agreed. Martin smiled and withdrew the last comment.

"So, we've established that you are Eric Alexander Walters and that you are male. Is that correct?" he asked.

"Yes."

Martin stepped back from the stand and looked me over. "Eric, I must admit that you do a good job in dressing up as a girl. Do you tell everyone you meet that you are really a male?"

Sam objected. Martin stated that he needed to establish that Jason had been fooled by my appearance. The judge let his questioning stand.

"Please answer my question, Eric," demanded Martin.

"No, I don't tell everyone I meet that I'm biologically male. But I don't deny my birth gender either," I replied.

Martin just nodded. "I see. Did you ever tell Jason that you were really male?"

"I was in the same scholarship competition with him at Central High," I replied.

"That's not what I asked. Did you ever tell him to his face that you were a male? It's a simple question, Eric. Yes or no," stated Martin firmly.

"No. I never told him to his face that I was born male, but...."

"Thank you, Eric," interrupted Martin.

I looked over at Sam and he motioned me to stay calm, and I nodded in reply.

"So Eric, you claimed yesterday that what happened was an attack. First thing, you stated that he used a knife to keep you quiet. When the police searched his van they didn't find a knife, can you explain that?

I had several real smartass answers, but knew that I couldn't use them. "He had a knife the night of the attack, and I felt it against my throat and against my genitals. I also saw it when he cut the tape off around my legs. After he left, I don't know what he did with it."

"I see. Strange that he could press a knife against you and not leave a mark, but we'll get back to that later. Now, did you ever say no to him? Yes or no? What is your answer?"

I sat there for a second. I was about to answer but remembered what Mr. Hancock had said.

"Eric, it's a simple question. Yes or no," repeated Martin. He was now standing directly in front of me, with his hands on the railing of the witness stand. He deliberately blocked my view of Sam.

I turned to the judge. "I can't answer that by just yes or no, Your Honor. May I please explain my answer?"

This led to a small discussion between the lawyers and the judge.

Sam walked away smiling and I saw Mr. Hancock give me a thumbs up. I was allowed to explain my answer

"No. I never told Jason no. Initially, it was because there was a knife to my throat. He threatened me not to speak. Then it was because he taped my mouth shut. The only other time the tape was off was when he was using me. I did shake my head several times to indicate no."

Martin Turner looked back in the crowd and saw Mr. Hancock. I wished I could have seen his face. I did see that Mr. Hancock was smiling at Martin.

However, this initial defeat didn't deter his attack. We proceeded to go over every detail of my testimony. He did everything to try to break me. I was now appreciating the hell that Mr. Hancock had put me through. It was rough, draining and insulting. He tried to make it look as if I had tricked Jason. He told me that this was my chance to tell the truth about what happened that night and to free an innocent young man. I stuck with the truth and my account of what had happened. I glanced over at Jason and saw that he was slumping in his chair. He was beginning to accept the fact that I wasn't about to crack. His defeatist body language only gave me strength. I also glanced at the jury and they seemed to be sympathetic to me.

He questioned the way I dressed and how I tried to look attractive. He tried to imply that I was perverted and that I was deceitful. Additionally, he brought up the homecoming and my sexual preferences. He couldn't get into specifics of my dating but he implied that I was a tease. He even brought up the night we went to hear Denise's band play.

"Eric, would you describe to the court the outfit you were wearing that night," asked Martin.

Sam objected, but was overruled. I described my outfit.

"Eric, did you dance suggestively with several partners that evening?" asked Martin.

Again Sam objected and again he was overruled.

"I danced with several friends that night," I replied.

"Both male and female partners?" asked Martin.

"Yes," I replied.

"Very interesting," replied Martin. "Did you tell everyone you danced with your real gender?"

Sam objected again and again the judge overruled him.

"There was no need to. They were all classmates and they know my biological gender."

"Is that a yes or a no?" Martin demanded.

"No, I didn't tell them I was a male. However...."

"That's all I wanted to hear," interrupted Martin.

I looked and Sam and he motioned to me to stay calm. I nodded back.

Everything seemed to be trying to show that I'd tricked Jason and got what I deserved. Sam did his best job to protect me.

As bad as it was, there is something very cleansing about having your entire life dragged out into public. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, but I almost felt like I was given a clean slate. Martin Turner had brought out in court that I was a seventeen-year-old bisexual transsexual. That's what I was before the trial, and now it was public knowledge. He didn't, however, break my testimony.

He kept me on the stand for a complete day. When I was dismissed, Sam was smiling and Martin Turner was conferring with Jason. I walked proudly past Jason and sat down next to Mom. I really needed her hug.

I was totally exhausted but extremely proud of my performance. My friends all came over and hugged and congratulated me as we left the courtroom. I was looking for Mr. Hancock as I really wanted to thank him, but it looked like he had slipped away. Looking back, I think it was very appropriate that he disappeared like a super hero in a movie. I know that I wouldn't have done as well without him.

Sam waved Mom and I over to a conference room. "Great job today, Erika! I'm very proud of the way you handled yourself. You gave them nothing and combined with your strong testimony yesterday you left them with few options. Their only shot is to put Jason on the stand, and I doubt if they'll do that. Martin knows I will destroy him on the stand."

Part of me wanted to see him get Jason on the stand, but I knew it would never happen.

"So, do you think that they'll continue the trial?" asked Mom.

"I wouldn't, but then again I would never have brought this case to trial in the first place. If I do get a call from them about a plea, I'll call you immediately," he promised

Chapter Sixty-Nine

When we got home I was surprised to see Terri, Cat and Laura waiting for us in our kitchen. I could smell Terri's famous lasagna cooking in the oven. It smelled wonderful!

"Your mom though you might be a little hungry after your big day," explained Terri.

"Thanks, it's great to see all of you," I gushed as I went around and hugged each of them and then got a kiss from Laura.

Dinner was great but I felt so tired. It wasn't sleepy- tired, but every cell of my body being exhausted-tired. I should have been more up; after all I had survived the worst of the trial.

We were settling down after dinner when the phone rang.

"Hello," asked Mom. She listened for nearly five minutes without saying a word. "We'll be there at 9:00 sharp. Thank you very much, Sam."

We were all watching her as she hung up the phone.

"That was Sam, Jason's lawyer wants a meeting tomorrow morning. Sam figures that they want to cut a deal and he wants your input. He told me that one of the conditions of the plea will be that Jason must tell the court that he raped you and that it was not consensual. You'll also be allowed a statement during the sentencing."

You'd have thought that I'd be overjoyed by the prospect of this coming to an end. But I felt strangely empty. Somehow, after going through the cross-examination, I wanted my pound of flesh. I wanted to see the jury walk in and declare him guilty on all charges. Yes, it was petty and vindictive but I figured that I was owed that.

Even though I was tired I barely slept a wink that night and it was a real struggle to get up in the morning. I had to force myself to get going. What was strange was that once I was up and functioning, I excelled.

We arrived at the courthouse and were directed to a side office. Sam walked in and sat down at the table.

"He's willing to plead guilty but they are seeking a reduced sentence. If we accept the deal he could be paroled in fifteen years, but no sooner. He will also be a registered sex offender for the rest of his life," he explained.

"Is that good, Sam?" asked Mom.

"It is a bit less than I think we could get if this goes to the jury, but it would bring it to an end. It is up to you two. I can just as easily tell him that we won't accept the deal and go for the conviction in court."

"Let's take it. I want this over. But, will he have to say that he attacked and raped me and that I didn't willingly do anything with him?" I asked. This was extremely important to me. I wanted Jason to exonerate me publicly. I knew that he wouldn't have to do this if the jury found him guilty.

Sam nodded. "Absolutely. It is key to the plea. He must give such a statement in court. If he doesn't do it, then we'll send this right back to the jury; Turner knows this."

"Good. So when does this happen?" I asked.

"By this afternoon or I'll withdraw the deal," he replied.

"Are you sure, honey?" asked Mom.

"Yes, let's just close this chapter now," I stated firmly. I was more interested in Jason being forced to tell everyone the truth than his sentence being longer. "Wait. There's one more thing that I want Jason to say. I want him to admit that he told his lawyer that he knew my real gender." I wanted to get back at Martin.

"I'll see what I can do. Jason doesn't have to admit to anything he told his attorney," replied Sam.

Court was back in session by 1:00 and then Jason changed his plea to guilty. There was some clapping and cheering in the crowd until the judge threatened to clear the courtroom. There was a short recess and then Jason took the stand to make his statement.

I sat there with Mom next to me with her arm around me. I was trembling slightly and was glad to have her next to me.

Jason sat there with is head down. His voice was low and without emotion. It was as if the reality of what he had done was sinking in, "I want to say that I am sorry for what happened. Yes, I abducted and assaulted her. Everything happened the way she said it did. She did nothing wrong, what I did to her was forced and she tried to resist," he confessed. "I just want both of us to be able to get on with our lives."

Okay, it wasn't a huge confession, but at least he admitted attacking me. I didn't feel sorry for him, in fact I still felt a strong sense of hatred towards him, but there was a sense of sorrow that he had ruined his life at such a young age. I noticed that he didn't mention anything about Martin.

I began to cry softly, as did Mom. Luckily, Terri handed us some tissues. It wasn't until I saw the transcripts that I realized that he'd referred to me as female.

The sentencing date was set for mid-March. Jason was sent back to jail.

We walked out and were mobbed by friends and well-wishers. Terri kept the reporters away for us. I appreciated their support, but I just wanted to get back to my life.

Chapter Seventy

I tried to get my life started up again. The trial was over and I had been vindicated. Even the papers dropped the story. The only real negative thing was an editorial in the local paper calling for an end to the scholarship competition. It claimed that it was the real criminal in this case and not Jason. However, the letters that responded to it were overwhelming in favor of keeping it.

I was feeling good, but I still tired easily. I decided that I could work my way out of these doldrums. I started working again for Mrs. Lincoln. My closest friends and Mom all told me to take it easy and to slow down. They suggested that I take a break and relax, but I knew better. I told them that I was glad that they were concerned, but the worst was behind me.

My first night back at work was great. It was a Friday and Mrs. Lincoln had selected a nice outfit for me. It was a beautiful navy cocktail dress. Cindy and Mel welcomed me back to work and I was given my assignments for the evening. It felt good to be dressed up and to be working again. I didn't even mind the high heels.

I was working in the back room when I noticed that the trash was full. Without giving it much thought, I picked it up and went out into the passageway to take it to the dumpster.

********

The next thing I knew I was in a hospital bed. I woke up with a start and was totally disoriented. There was an IV in my arm. My mind was foggy and I was confused and scared. Mom reached over to comfort me.

"Where am I? What happened?" I cried out. I had many more questions but Mom stopped me.

"You're okay, Erika. You're in the hospital, they brought you here from work," explained Mom with tears rolling gently down her face. "You had me so worried."

Before I could say a word, Mom walked over and hugged me. We held each other for what seemed like hours.

"What time is it? I feel like I've been out for a long time," I asked as I tried to shake off the cobwebs in my mind.

Mom looked at her watch. "It's 7:30 AM.... Sunday morning."

"I was out that long?" I asked. I was shocked! I had no idea that I had been out for so long. No wonder Mom looked so tired.

She nodded. "I need to call the doctor, he'll be happy to see that you're awake."

The doctor arrived and he checked my chart while the nurse took my vitals. She also took out the IV.

"You look much better than you did when they brought you in, young lady," he stated.

"What happened?" I asked, as I sat up in bed.

He smiled. "Tell me, Erika, what is that last thing you remember?"

"I was at work and I was taking out the trash and after that I don't remember a thing."

"You were found on the floor in a fetal position, shaking and totally unresponsive. We brought you in and sedated you. You were suffering from near total exhaustion. Basically, I think that you just shutdown due to all the stress that you have been under," he explained.

"So, I cracked up?" I asked. I was suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling that I had failed.

He smiled and shook his head. "No, Erika, you didn't crack up. I'd put it down more to stress and depression. Unfortunately, it's very common in sexual assault cases. Tell me, how are you feeling right now?"

"Tired. No, make that totally exhausted. I feel like I could sleep for a week!"

"I think that rest will help you a lot. At least, it's a good start," he explained. "You need to let your body and mind heal and rest; sleep will be the right medicine. Also you need to put on a few pounds, you're a little underweight"

"So what happens now? Do I get to go home?" I asked with trepidation. Suddenly, I had visions of being taken away and being committed to an institution.

"Yes, I think that would be a good idea, but I want to have you cleared by Dr. McCall first. I understand from you have been seeing her," he added.

"Yes, I have," I replied softly, wishing I had listened to her advice more.

"Good. I called her and she should be here in an hour. Call the nurse if you need anything. By the way do you want to see your friends? They're out in the waiting area,"

"I think she would, Doctor, thank you very much," interrupted Mom.

He smiled and walked out.

"I can speak for myself," I stated with a small laugh. "I'm so sorry for all of this. Please forgive me for everything I've put you through."

I started crying and held onto her.

"You have nothing to apologize for, honey. This is just another injury from the attack. You did nothing wrong," she comforted, as she stroked my head.

Just as we were wiping the tears out of our eyes Terri, Cat and Laura came in and the crying started all over again.

We talked until Jenny arrived. As they all left Cat told me that they would get me something a little more casual to wear home.

"Hi Erika. You know, we really need to stop meeting here," she greeted me with a smile.

"Yes, but I'm getting a great collection of these bracelets," I said, holding up my wrist and showing my hospital tag.

"You were wearing this when you were brought in?" asked Jenny, as she examined my dress hanging in the closet. "It's lovely, it's no wonder you love your job."

I just smiled.

We talked about what had happened and the consequences. She told me that it could have been far worse. I asked her how much worse and she said, "How about substance abuse or suicide?"

Jenny felt that she should see me a couple of times this coming week and then go back to seeing me weekly in addition to the group sessions. She told me that I was to cut back on my activities, it wasn't a request it was an order. She wasn't against me working, but only a few times a week; and she also recommended that I cut back on the training.

Jenny's biggest job was to convince me that what Mom had told me was right, that this was an injury from the assault and that I needed to let it heal.

"Look, Erika, I know that you feel that people will see you as weak or something for this, but you can't let that bother you. Besides from what I saw in court, your friends accept you and have deep feelings for you. I'm sure that your real friends will support you as you recover from this injury, and if they don't they weren't your friends in the first place. Now, I have to talk to your mom. Don't worry I just need to let her know about your increased counseling schedule. You will recover from this, but we need to do this by my rules. Do you agree?"

"Yes, Jenny," I replied. She was right. It only required me going into stress induced shock and being sedated for nearly two days to see this. "Thanks!"

After she left, Cat and Laura came in with some clothes. I smiled when I saw what they had brought. It was my running sweats, Wolfhound football championship t-shirt, bra, panties, socks, and sneakers.

"I figured you'd want your comfort clothes," explained Cat.

"Thanks."

I went into the bathroom and got dressed. When I got out, I found Laura eyeing my dress.

"Erika, you want me to take this back to work for you?" she asked.

"Yes, but no detours," I quipped.

"Party pooper!" she replied, as she held the dress in front of herself.

"How cold is it outside?" I asked, noticing that they hadn't brought my coat.

"Pretty cold. Damn! I knew we forgot something! Laura, see if you can go borrow a coat from someone," exclaimed Cat.

Before I could protest, Laura was gone.

"You don't think she'll ask someone for their coat for her crazy friend do you?" I asked Cat.

"No, but she might ask for one for you," answered Cat. She stared at me and looked really serious. "You really scared us this time. From now on you need to listen to others and stop trying to act as if nothing happened!"

"I know that.... now. I will listen to you guys more in the future," I replied. "I promise." I put my hand up as if I was giving a pledge.

"Like I'm going to believe you," Cat quipped. "I figure that I'm going to be helping you out of one mess after another for a while. But it's a job I don't mind having."

"I'm so lucky to have you as a best friend," I replied and then we hugged.

"Hey, Erika, I found a jacket and it looks like it will fit," interrupted Laura, as she entered my room.

She came back in and was holding out a red and silver Central High Wolfhound letterman's jacket. She held it and I saw my name embroidered on the front with Cross-Country under my name. My cross- country letter was on the other side.

"Where did you get this?" I asked in stunned disbelief.

"We were saving it for you as a post-trial gift, here try it on," explained Cat, as she handed me the jacket.

"What did I ever do to deserve such good friends as you two?" I said as I looked at myself in the mirror. It was a perfect fit.

"We're still trying to figure that one out," snickered Cat.

We then embraced in a group hug and cry.

Mom and Terri came in. "Well the doctor says you can go home. Jenny wants you to stay home from school for the rest of the week and no work either. She'll see you later this week and see how you are doing," explained Mom.

I didn't argue. I knew that I was lucky and that it could have been a lot worse. I had a second chance and I wasn't going to throw it away.

Continued in part 2 of 3

Notes:

Readers, Please Remember to Leave a Comment

A transfer student discovers his new high school's scholarship program and its unusual rules.

The Scholarship, Part 3 of 3

by
Julie O

 

Chapter One-Hundred-Sixty

Sunday morning I watched as Sam and Mom pulled out of the driveway on their trip to Philadelphia. They told me that they would call when they reached their hotel. I would miss them, but I was happy that they were getting some time together. I knew Mom was nervous about meeting Sam's family. I also wondered how they would react to me.

I read the paper until it was time to go to work. We were still busy due to the prom. We were also getting a lot of business due to weddings. We didn't deal in bridal clothing, but we got a lot of business from the guests, mothers of the bride and groom, and so on. It was fun helping customers pick out outfits.

Mel told me that she'd watched the movie that Mrs. Lincoln was in. She said that she'd been searching the Internet auction sites to see if she could find anything from Mrs. Lincoln's career, as she thought it could be a cool gift.

After work I drove home and pulled into our driveway. I went into my house and changed into something more casual. I slipped on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and my sandals. I packed a small overnight bag and grabbed my clothes for school on Monday. I always felt a little funny when I stayed at someone's home as a guest. Additionally, this was the first time I had done it as Erika. Part of me felt that I was imposing on their privacy; however, I felt comfortable staying with Cat and Terri.

I walked over to their house. I still felt a bit uneasy when I crossed the lawn between our homes. I stopped and stared at the spot where the attack had taken place for a second and then continued over to their house.

Terri was waiting and she welcomed me inside. I knew she'd seen me stop, but she didn't say anything about it. I took my stuff upstairs into Cat's room.

She was on the computer, trading instant messages with Matt. "Hey, sorry I didn't hear you come in."

"Don't worry about it; say hi to Matt for me."

"Will do, just put your stuff over on that bed. Let me say goodbye to Matt."

"No need," I replied. I put my bag down and sat on the bed. I had also brought my own pillow. I could sleep on most beds if I had my favorite pillow. When Mom and I drove across the country from San Diego I brought my own pillow. We've all got our own quirks!

"I was getting ready to say goodbye anyway, you want to help us get dinner ready?" she asked.

I nodded and we headed downstairs. "So, how's he doing?"

"Great. He just rented his tux. I can't believe that the prom is only two weeks away."

"Actually, less than two weeks," I answered with a smile.

Terri put us both to work. Cat worked on the salad while I cut up green beans.

"I saw you pause out in the yard, Erika, and I have an idea that I want to run by you. How'd you feel if we planted a tree or something in that spot? That way it could be a place for life and renewal instead of a place of bad memories," suggested Terri.

Mom and I were only renting the house. However, Sam liked the property and they'd decided to make an offer on it and that was fine with me. It really felt like home now. "That'd be really nice."

"Great! I'll talk to Jill and Sam when they get back, and we can pick something nice out."

We had a very pleasant dinner. Terri really enjoyed cooking, it wasn't a task to her, more a relaxation. We went for a walk after dinner. Our neighborhood bordered on a large wooded area. As we walked by we saw a couple of white-tailed deer run across the road ahead of us. I think I was the only one who found this cool. I was able to get a photo of them, before they ran back into the woods.

When we got home Mom called and told us that they'd gotten into Philadelphia. The trip was uneventful. She gave me the phone number of the hotel.

Later that evening Cat and I were sitting upstairs in her bedroom. The nice thing about our friendship was that anything was fair game. We could talk about anything and we knew that we could trust each other to keep it private.

"I think that if you win the scholarship that you should think about going to college outside of Golden Hill," suggested Cat.

"Why? Dewey's a great school, and I can keep my job."

"It has nothing to do with the quality of education at Dewey. You're sort of sheltered here. No one cares that you're TS. Personally, I know that is great, but we both know that it isn't necessarily the case elsewhere. It might be a good confidence builder to live elsewhere after you've had the surgery."

"That's something to think about." I liked the idea of living in Golden Hill, but I also wanted to see the world. My trip to New York City had whetted my appetite for traveling again.

"Anyway, you have plenty of time to think about it. I'd suggest you stay here until after your surgery. Does the idea of getting the operation concern you?" asked Cat.

"Yes, a bit - well, make that a lot! I know that it's pretty major surgery, and that things can go wrong. But it's also my only chance to become whole."

"I understand. I'd do it too, if I was in your shoes," she remarked. She then stared at my feet. "Although, not those shoes!"

Cat was referring to my bunny slippers. "Jealous?" I asked, as I held my feet out and wiggled them.

"You're the first person I've known to actually wear those. And to think, I actually thought you had class!" We both began to laugh.

I looked down at the slippers and spoke to them in a comforting voice. "Don't listen to her, girls."

"Oh, God! Don't tell me you actually named them? You really are deranged!"

"Of course I didn't name them; they already had names when I got them."

We both started laughing so hard that we were crying. Terri looked in to see what was going on.

"Mom... Erika's bunny slippers have... names!" Cat barely was able to speak due to laughing.

"That's nice, dear. Just as long as they're housebroken," replied Terri with a straight face.

Needless to say that Cat and I didn't get much sleep that night. Every time we almost calmed down, one of us starting giggling and making some silly joke. Still that night marked another milestone in my progression towards becoming whole. I knew that Cat totally accepted me as a girl and in many ways as a sister.

Chapter One-Hundred-Sixty-One

During lunch we talked about prom. Kristen had made dinner reservations for all eight of us. Our party would be Kristen and Alex, Tracy and Mike, Cat and Matt, and Laura and I. We'd invited Caroline and Paul, but they had already made other plans. They were going out with a group from the school paper. Kristen had also reserved a limo for the eight of us. She really wanted to make it a night to remember. Of all my friends Kristen would have enjoyed the trip to NYC the most. She loved style.

It was less than two weeks to the big event, and I was as caught up in it as any other girl at school. Many of the girls had picked up their dresses at the shop. I was pleased with the way I looked in mine. As I was still new to being a girl, I didn't think about making an appointment at the salon until Cat reminded me. Thankfully they were able to reserve me an appointment the morning of the prom.

I knew that some of the girls were still a little uneasy with Laura and I going together as a couple. No one said anything, but you could sense it. I still found it interesting that there was still some uneasiness over gay or lesbian dating, but none over the contestants dating guys. I was so happy to be going to the prom with Laura, knowing how much we were in love, that I didn't care what others thought.

After school I swung by the display and saw that no one had dropped out. It really looked like we were all going to make it to the end. We were all a bit curious about what the outcome would be.

While I was standing there, Ms. B came by and asked how I was doing.

"Good, thanks. I haven't gotten any more threatening letters. Maybe Marlene scared him off."

"I hope so, but I'd be shocked if he gave up so easily."

I stared at the pictures for a second, "You know, they don't even look like us anymore."

"Yes, you've all made some great strides since September. Even those who didn't make it this far have changed for the better."

"Not everyone," I added softly, referring to Jason, who had only been a contestant for a few days.

"True, but he was the exception."

I excused myself and headed to the parking lot to meet Cat and Laura. I thought about what Ms. B had said.

Chapter One-Hundred-Sixty-Two

I want to jump ahead to Tuesday evening. I went over to my house after dinner. After checking the mail and picking out my clothes for school Wednesday, I called Sandra Plummer, the woman I'd met in Spencer's the previous Friday. We had traded e-mails, and she said that she'd be home Tuesday evening.

I was a bit nervous when I first called her. I had so many questions, and I was afraid that she wouldn't want to hear them all. I know this was dumb. She'd contacted me because she wanted to help me.

I brewed up a mug of black spice chai tea and took out the phone number she'd given me. The phone rang a few times before she answered it. After the standard small talk we began to talk about real issues. I found that she had as many questions for me as I had for her, so we agreed to alternate. We also agreed that it was impossible to cover everything in one evening. She told me that she wanted us to become good friends.

"So, have you had the surgery?" I asked.

"Yes, I had it two years ago. I needed it to feel whole, although I know several girls who haven't had it and never plan to."

"I want to get it, I'm like you. I need to feel whole and I hate doing things half-way. So, do your friends there know that you're transgendered?"

"Hey, we agreed we alternate," she replied with a laugh.

"Sorry, I just have so much I want to know."

"No need to apologize. First, I am not the answer-lady. I can only tell you my own experiences. You'll need to find your own path. Now, I'll answer that last question but then it's my turn. I don't advertise the fact that I'm transgendered, but I don't lie to people either. I'm dating a man, and he knows that I was born male. I think that you need to tell anyone you date the truth."

"That makes sense."

"Okay, now it's my turn. When did you first know that you were TS?"

"Boy, you start off with a good one. I guess I'd had feelings when I was younger, but I hid them and forced them away. I guess growing up without a father I wanted to act as the man of the family. I forced myself to try to act as normally as possible, and fought any feelings that I was anything but a man. I even tried to convince myself that I'd entered the competition just for the scholarship. Soon I began to realize that it was much deeper, but I figured that I could hold it off. Then everything began to fall into place. I felt so comfortable and well... normal. I knew that I was different and that it was okay. Mom didn't hate me and my friends at school seemed to like me, and my gender didn't matter."

"So, did you know before you were attacked?"

"I forgot that you've talked to Ms. B. Yes, I knew before the assault. It just reinforced my decision. In fact, it made me feel better about myself."

"Why was that? Because it was more socially acceptable for a woman to be raped than a man?"

I was silent for a second. I was a little pissed about the question, but as I thought about it I could see that there was no malice intended. "Maybe. In some ways the attack reaffirmed me as a woman. I've felt a bit guilty for thinking that way."

"I'm sorry, Erika, that came across a bit heavier than I wanted to be. I know that you've been through a lot, and I don't want to bring up bad memories." From the tone of her voice I knew that she was sincere.

"It's okay. I've found that talking about it is better than keeping it locked inside. I did worry that some people would see my desire to transition as a result of the rape. Fortunately, I knew the truth, and it was clear to me that this was my right path in life. When my friend Caroline told me that she was TS and told me everything going through her mind, I knew that I was TS too. As she described her feelings, it was like she was reading my mind," I answered.

"Fair enough, okay your turn!"

I asked her about hormones and their effects on her. She was very detailed in her descriptions. I got excited thinking about it.

She then asked me about my plans for after school. I told her about wanting to become a teacher. She said that was great. I found out that Sandra worked in the state government. She worked on the staff of a state legislator.

After talking for over an hour, we called it quits for the night. I thanked her again, and we made an agreement to talk once a week.

Back over at Cat's house we talked about the conversation up in her room. I had changed into my pjs and Cat was in a pair of shorts and a large oversized t-shirt. Of course, I was wearing the bunny slippers, and no... they really didn't have names!

"So what's Sandra like?" asked Cat.

"Like an older version of you. She knows how to ask the right sort of question to make you think."

"I thought she looked intelligent!"

I tossed a pillow at her and she responded with a counterattack. That went on for several minutes and stopped only because we were laughing so hard.

Chapter One-Hundred-Sixty-Three

As usual Laura picked us up for school. The sky was dark and it looked like it would start raining any second. Laura was very interested in my conversation with Sandra, as she was with all aspects of my transition. We also talked a little about the sleepover at Cat's house.

We just got into school when it started to rain. The nice thing about San Diego was that the weather was so consistent, but, I'm not complaining, I liked the changes in seasons, although winter was on the bottom of my list.

Ms. B saw us as we walked in and she motioned me over to her. "Hi, Erika, I just wanted to let you know that there'll be a meeting at lunch today. I have an announcement to make."

"Okay, usual room?" I asked. I knew that asking about the reason for the meeting was pointless.

"Yes, see you there. By the way I got an e-mail from Sandra Plummer last night, and she really enjoyed talking with you."

"I like her a lot too," I replied. I had plenty of questions for Ms. B. "So, after graduation will I be initiated into the club?"

Ms. B just smiled and walked away.

I ran into Caroline and we talked about what might be the reason for the meeting. We'd both confirmed that no one had dropped out, so it couldn't be that. We'd figured that we would find out in a few hours.

By lunch it was raining even harder. They canceled all practices. However, Coach Chambers asked me to stick around and help her get caught up on the track admin. I agreed, plus it would give me a chance to talk to her.

We arrived at the meeting. Everyone showed up and was equally curious about the reason for the meeting. Denise's hair was back to blonde - make that white. She told us that the Downfall was booked through the summer. They even were going to play some places on the Jersey shore. They'd be the opening group, but she said it was a great start.

"So, do you think you'll go to college, or are you going to stay in the band?" I asked Denise.

"Good question. I want to study music, but playing in the band is so much fun. I just might ride this wave as long as it will take me. However, if I do win the scholarship, I'm not going to let it go to waste. There are plenty of wonderful music schools that I would love to attend."

I told her about the comments we'd heard in Spencer's about her and the band. She thought that was great. She commented that they had quite a following at Dewey.

Denise laughed. "I can't wait to tell the others in the band! They also kid me that I'm the most feminine member of the band!"

Ms. B walked in with another woman. She introduced her as Ms. Fuller and said that she was on the committee that oversaw the scholarship. Ms. Fuller looked to be in her forties; she was wearing a tailored suit and she had her hair up in a bun. She looked very professional, but a bit stern.

"Good afternoon, girls," Ms. Fuller greeted us. "First, I want to congratulate you on making this the most successful and interesting year of the scholarship contest. I believe that this class has set a new standard for all future classes. It'll be remembered as the year that the competition began to achieve the goals set by its founder."

I sat there waiting for what she was setting us up for. I doubted she'd come here just to give us a pep talk. I also wondered what she'd meant by her last comment.

"I want to say that you are all winners for making it this far. In accordance with the original bylaws set down by our founder, I need to make the following offer. If anyone wishes to drop out at this point, they will automatically receive a scholarship in the amount of $10,000.00, to be paid in installments not to exceed $2,500.00 a year. While we would like as many contestants as possible in the competition, we don't want someone to be miserable for their prom and graduation. If you wish to drop out now, you will be rewarded for making it this far."

There was dead silence in the room. I looked around the room at each contestant. Caroline just winked at me. Denise also made eye contact and winked at me, so I knew she was staying. Ann on the other hand had her head down, as did Lisa. I wondered what was going through their minds. Both were very competitive, but I knew how unhappy Lisa was. Then there was the enigma of Ann. I couldn't figure her out; sometimes I thought she was the third and then other times she seemed very indifferent to it all.

"Now, you don't have to make up your minds right now. The offer will stand for the rest of the year. I would like to meet with each of you this afternoon privately. Ms. Bell will give you the times. Again, thank you all for your wonderful effort."

As we walked out we were given a pass. Mine was during sixth period. I wondered what she had to say to me.

I tried to talk to Lisa, but she said that she didn't want to talk at the moment and that she'd call me that night. I gave her Cat's number.

During sixth period I went to my meeting with Ms. Fuller. The meeting was in Ms. B's office. When I arrived, she was talking to Ms. B. I was surprised to see them both laughing.

"Please sit down, Erika. It's a pleasure to meet you. Ms. Bell has been keeping us apprised of your progress. I just want to express the board's admiration for the way you've handled all the adversity that you have experienced."

"Thank you." I knew that our progress was being monitored, but it still made me feel a little uneasy.

"The reason I want to talk to you is that we're aware that you are presently in transition. We understand the financial hardship that this can cause, and we are prepared to assist. While we can't pay for the entire process, we have set up a loan that your family can apply for. It has a very low interest rate; in fact, if it's paid off in five years there's no interest. Your family will be receiving the application in the next week. I'll tell you that the application is strictly a legal formality, as you've been approved already."

I sat there stunned. I was totally speechless, and it took a few moments for her words to sink in.

"This is in addition to the scholarship?" I asked.

"Of course. We offer this to any contestant who is transgendered, even after they've graduated. Our founder who set up the contest understood that there would eventually be transgendered contestants. She felt that it wouldn't be right after we helped them find their true selves to abandon them and not help them become physically whole. Now we don't publicize this fact, and the contestants are only notified after they have been screened. We're not some secret organization bent on changing boys into girls. We're interested in helping people with gender issues become as whole as possible."

"I assume that I'll be required to keep quiet about this offer." Hanging around Cat all the time had improved my deductive reasoning.

"Ms. Bell said you were smart. Yes, part of the application is a requirement that you and your family keep silent about this offer. It could be easily misunderstood by less open-minded people. However, if we'd felt that we couldn't trust you then we wouldn't be making this offer."

"Thank you very much. This takes a huge weight off my back!" I gave her and Ms. B a big hug.

"Now there is one last thing, we will expect you someday to assist future contestants, much like Sandra Plummer. I don't think that will be a problem for you."

"Erika wants to teach high school when she graduates college, so she already wants to help others," interjected Ms. B.

"I would be honored to help future students," I added.

"Excellent! Well you'll be receiving the loan application in the mail next week and your family can call us with any questions." explained Ms. Fuller.

I thanked them again and headed back to Mr. Kline's room. I was walking three feet off the ground, as I was so happy.

Chapter One-Hundred-Sixty-Four

After school, I went to Coach's office to plug in track data. I was amazed by the amount of paperwork in track and field. Laura told me she'd meet me when I was done. She had to work on grad night and some final issues on the prom.

I went to work on the data entry. Coach was in and out of her office the first hour. During the second hour she sat at her desk and we had a chance to talk. Initially we just made small talk, but then we got into some deeper issues.

"I've asked other people this question and I still haven't a good answer. Why are people in this town so accepting of transgendered girls?" I asked as I entered in the high jump statistics.

"It has taken time to reach this level of acceptance. Each year we've made progress. First, we have a faculty that supports the contest and the contestants. We ensure that all students treat each other respectfully. Next, we've gotten important people in town to respond positively to the competition. Mrs. Lincoln initially pressured many businesses to give discounts, and they soon saw that they gained more business than they lost. We now have businesses applying to us to get into the program. The school helped by treating the contestants with respect. We don't design tasks to humiliate the contestants, and we have made every effort to make them a full part of campus life. When some girls like you came out as transgendered, it wasn't considered a big deal. The community has just had eighteen years to slowly change."

"Yet, there is still some uneasiness about gay and lesbian students here at Central," I remarked as I shifted to the relay team times.

"True, but it's improving. It takes time to change people's minds and attitudes. We've just gotten permission from the school board to set up a LGBT-Straight Student Alliance group for next year. I'll be the faculty advisor. I've been pushing for it for the past five years."

"Cool, they had a group like that at my old high school," I added. I checked the numbers before shifting to the sprint times.

"Were you a member?" she asked with a smile.

"No, I was too far in denial then," I answered truthfully.

"I expect that it'll take some time to build up a membership. But it will be worth it," she explained.

"While we are on the topic of the school attitudes towards gays and lesbians, do you think that there will be any backlash against Laura and I for going to the prom together?" I asked.

"No, I don't see it as problem for you two. First off, you have many great friends who love and support both of you. I imagine that there are some in school who may still see you as a boy, and are in denial about the two of you. Laura is also very respected in school. Still there are some who won't be pleased, but they might as well get used to it," she said.

"Do you think that there will be any other same-sex dates at the prom?" I asked.

"Excluding contestants, I don't think so, but I wouldn't be surprised if there are some in the coming year. Personally, I don't think that it'll be that big a deal after the initial shock wears off. But, I fully understand the fears of being made an outcast in school. In some ways you two may be trendsetters," she remarked.

"I appreciate your confidence in us!"

Just then there was a knock on the door and Laura walked in. "We got done early, anything I can do to help?" she asked.

We caught her up on the conversation. As expected, she was very interested in joining in discussion of the subject.

"I know some girls who are very uneasy about my sexuality. There are a few who feel that our going to the prom together will become a distraction and ruin their night." I liked the sarcastic tone in which she said 'ruin their night' like we weren't supposed to have fun too.

"I don't care about them, it's our night too!" I replied.

We also talked about the possibility of the Rev stirring things up. Coach felt that if he tried something it would be more sneaky and underhanded. "I think he might try something during graduation."

I hoped she was wrong. I just wanted to get on with my life, and I didn't want to be a distraction.

Chapter One-Hundred-Sixty-Five

We met Cat, Caroline, and Paul at Guido's. We talked about school and the prom. Caroline and I brought up the buyout offer.

"Do you think anyone will take it?" asked Paul.

"Maybe, I know that Lisa isn't that happy," I replied.

"Ann's a hard read too," added Caroline.

"What about Denise?" asked Paul.

"I used to think that she was just doing it as a goof, but I'm not so sure now. She has become really focused, and she's really serious about her music. I think the competition has really helped her. I'd be shocked if she dropped out," noted Caroline.

I wondered if Denise was the third. It didn't seem as shocking an idea as before.

The only other thing of note that night was that Lisa didn't call. I hesitated about calling her, and when I did, her mom said that she didn't want to talk right now. I understood and told her mom to pass on that I would support her decision either way.

Chapter One-Hundred-Sixty-Six

Thursday arrived with a continuation of the rain. The weather guessers said that it was supposed to start clearing up late that night. I kinda dreaded going to school, only because I expected to see our numbers decreased. As usual I had mixed feelings about the buyout offer. I thought it was cool that everyone still in the contest would get something. But I also felt a loss for each candidate who quit. Still, I should know how important it is to be true to yourself and not worry what others think. I'd still miss them.

It wasn't a good sign as I approached the display case and saw that it was open. They were rearranging the remaining pictures. I then saw that Ann's picture was missing. It hit me that I didn't even know her male name. I was pleased to see that Lisa's picture was still there, as was Denise's photo. So we were now down to four.

Between the weather and the fact that we'd lost another contestant, I was feeling a bit down. I arrived in homeroom and told Cat that Ann was out.

"So what's Ann's male name?" I asked Cat.

"It's Andrew," answered Cat. "I'm amazed that he lasted this long."

I hadn't been that social with Ann, and I can't even say that she was a friend; if it wasn't for the competition I wouldn't even know her, I mean him. Still, to go this long and then drop out was a bit sad.

"Don't get too down, after all he did get a pretty good scholarship," added Cat.

"I know." That also narrowed the possibilities for the third. Was it Denise or Lisa?

Work was fun that night. Even with the rain we were busy. Mel said that she wanted to show me something when the crowds slacked off.

"I bought this on an Internet auction website," she told me, as held out a black and white photo. It was a publicity shot from the movie we'd seen Mrs. Lincoln in. The photo was from the scene in the bar, and it showed both Mrs. Lincoln and Violet.

"This is really cool. How much did it cost?" I asked.

"Only a few dollars," smiled Mel. "The shipping cost more."

"So, what are you going to do with it?" I asked.

"I want to give it to Mrs. Lincoln, but I'm afraid that she might take it the wrong way. I don't want her to think that I'm making fun of her."

"I think that she'll know that you mean well and that it's because you think well of her," I said.

"When does your mom get back from Philly?" she asked.

"Either Saturday or Sunday. They might be delayed due to the weather."

"How's it going with his family?" asked Mel.

"From what she told me, pretty good. Apparently Sam's family is very excited about the wedding, and they don't mind the trip way up here."

"Way up here? You make it sound like we're in the middle of nowhere!" replied Mel with mock indignation.

"According to Sam, they think he lives in the wilderness. I used to think that this town was in the middle of nowhere myself."

"Ahhh... but now you know differently."

"Yes, we're just south of nowhere," I replied with a laugh.

"How do they feel about you?" asked Mel.

"From what Mom has told me, they're anxious to meet me," I replied.

"That's good."

Mel decided to get the photo framed before she gave it to Mrs. Lincoln. The rest of the night was dead, and I think we had one customer the last hour. It was raining even harder than before, and it looked like it had no intention of stopping soon.

I was careful driving home and pulled into our driveway. Between our houses there was a small river flowing. After I checked our mail and grabbed my clothes, I took the long way over to Cat's. I was afraid that I'd sink down if I tried the short cut. I was just about to Cat's house when I looked over and saw something white near the spot where Jason had attacked me. I couldn't quite make it out.

When I arrived at Cat's house, I asked Terri if they had a flashlight. I told her about seeing something between our homes. She got the flashlight and put on her rain gear. Cat joined us and we went out. There was a white sign posted. We couldn't read it, but I got a sickening feeling in my stomach. Terri waded over and looked at the message. She came back and said that she was going to call the police.

"What does it say?" I asked.

"Something to the effect that on this spot an innocent young man was framed," she answered in a disgusted tone.

I could tell by her voice that she was leaving something out. I knew that it must have been something nasty about me.

The police said that they'd be out shortly. While we waited, she called Mom and Sam down in Philly.

The police arrived, and after taking some photographs, they took the sign down. They said they would hold it as evidence and told us to call if there were further problems. I liked the way they kept it low key, so that there would be little publicity.

I was more angry than scared. To me it was a cowardly act. It takes a really brave person to sneak into someone's yard in a storm to post an insulting sign. Sam and Mom talked to me and I assured them I was okay. Sam said he would call Marlene and tell her what'd happened.

We sat around the table and talked for a while. I had tea while Terri and Cat drank coffee. They shared my sense of outrage about the juvenile nature of the crime. I wondered if the person who had done it was the Rev or one of his followers. I hoped that it wasn't anyone from our town.

Terri told me all of what the sign said. It had gone on to say that I was a perverted freak of nature. I said I was disappointed, as I'd expected him to be more creative.

"What did you say?" asked Cat.

"It's the same exact thing that the Rev called me in all three letters," I said.

"Sounds like a connection to me," replied Sherlock Cat.

She was right. We emailed Marlene with out latest discovery. An hour later we got a reply. She said that it sounded like his sort of tactic. She told us not to worry.

Chapter One-Hundred-Sixty-Seven

Apparently I was the only target of the Rev that night. As promised, they kept it out of the papers. I was pleased because if it was publicity he was seeking, he'd be disappointed. The police stepped up patrols in our neighborhood. That made us all feel a little better. However, I put my worries behind me, as I was looking forward to the sleepover at Cat's that night.

Cat had decided to make it a bigger party and had also invited Kristen, Tracy, and Caroline. Tracey had to pull out, as she had to go out of town for a funeral. She seemed very disappointed. Cat told the rest to come over around 8:00PM.

I helped her get ready. Cat could tell that I was a bit nervous and told me not to worry, that I was considered one of the girls.

It was still a bit cool at night, so I could still wear my pjs. Cat cringed when I told her I was wearing the bunny slippers. By 8:30 everyone was there. Everyone changed into their pjs. Kristen liked my slippers, and I asked her to point this out to Cat.

We ordered in pizza, and Terri was very patient with our noise level. I told her that she could sleep in my house that night, and she smiled and said she'd consider it.

Laura suggested that we play "Truth or Dare" and everyone reluctantly went along with her idea. Cat was up first and she selected truth.

"What's one thing that you've never told your mom?" asked Kristen.

Cat thought for a second and leaned over towards us and spoke in a low tone. "Well... she doesn't know about this." She then turned around and pulled down her shorts to expose one of her butt cheeks. There on the right check was a little tattoo of Curious George.

We all broke out laughing. "When did you get that?" asked Laura.

"When I was down in Harrisburg for the crime lab trip. I was sharing a room with a college girl, and we went out with her friends. We all got tattoos. I always liked Curious George. Besides, I'm legal. You just have to be eighteen or older."

It was a pretty cute tattoo. We talked about whether the rest of us would get one. We had different opinions on the idea. Caroline said she would, especially if she ever got a comic strip published. Laura also said that she'd get one. Kristen was dead against the idea. I said that it would have to be something very special.

"Coach Chambers has two tattoos. She has a tiny wing on the outside of each ankle. She said she got them when she ran cross-country," I added.

"That's cool, just like Mercury!" noted Caroline.

"I guess George isn't all that curious anymore!" wisecracked Laura, and we all starting laughing again.

I was up next. I selected dare, and I could tell that Laura had something planned.

"Okay, Erika, here it is, you have to wear this the rest of the night," said Laura, as she handed me a black lace nightie, panty, and a matching negligee.

"They don't match my slippers!" I grumbled.

"Those are gorgeous, Laura, where did you get them," asked Cat.

"From my mom's stuff, she won't miss them," answered Laura.

To be a good sport, I went into the bathroom and changed. It wasn't too revealing. I had to admit that it did feel nice. I slipped on the robe and went back out. I got plenty of whistles and was made to turn around for everyone.

Laura couldn't take her eyes off me. The girls were interested in Caroline's and my breasts. I didn't mind showing them what I had, being they were still so small. Yet they could all see some swelling and growth. Caroline was a bit more shy but she also showed hers. They were about the same size as mine.

"So, you only raided your mom's stuff just for Erika? And I thought we were friends!" joked Kristen.

"I never said that," answered Laura. "I brought stuff for everyone!"

She pulled a whole bunch of lingerie out of her bag and passed it around. I wasn't sure what I should do as the others changed. I started to get up to leave when Cat and the others stopped me.

"It's no big deal, Erika. We trust you!" remarked Cat. "The same goes for you, Caroline. We're all girls here!"

The others nodded in agreement and I was immediately choked up with emotion. I noticed that Caroline was also fighting back tears.

Soon we were all dressed much more sexily than before. And before any of you get evil thoughts, that's as far as we went. Sorry, no teenage orgies.

Most of the stuff she'd brought was sexy in a classy manner. She also told us that she did ask permission to borrow the stuff.

We totally forgot about the rest of the game. I think that Laura brought out the rest of the stuff so that she wouldn't have a turn. But I didn't mind, as she looked so hot in her teddy and robe.

We stayed up very late talking about topics ranging from the prom to college. I felt so close to them, and we all knew that we'd stay in touch even after we headed off into our adult lives. I think we all fell asleep sometime around three.

Chapter One-Hundred-Sixty-Eight

In the morning Terri made us a great breakfast. Of course we changed before going downstairs. I had to admit that it had initially been difficult to fall asleep. I'd found myself caressing my nipples in the dark through the silky material. I'm sure Laura had that in mind when she selected the outfit for me.

I also looked out between our yards, and was relieved to see that there was nothing there. I hoped that it had been a one-time event.

I went over to the house and checked my e-mail. There were a few from Marlene, and one from Sandra.

Marlene said that it looked like the Rev was responsible. There was a posting on his website showing the sign. She also said that she'd be back in town the weekend of the prom, just in case something happened.

I got a call from Mom. She told me that they were on their way back and that they should get home late that evening. She was calling from the car and said they were presently passing Lansdale on the PA Turnpike heading north, which meant absolutely nothing to me. I had to check the map to see that Lansdale is a town north of Philadelphia. I told them to have a safe trip and that I was looking forward to seeing them soon.

I went back to my paper. I was on my third rewrite. Terri had been reviewing my paper for grammar and spelling mistakes. I still made a lot, and it bothered me. Laura called later in the afternoon and asked if I wanted to go to the movies. She said that she had already talked to Cat. I told her yes, and I went back over to Cat's house.

"Do you think they'll be home tonight?" asked Terri.

"From what Mom said they will," I answered.

"If they stop, you're more than welcome to spend the night here again," offered Terri.

"Thanks," I replied. I had already taken my stuff home, but it was nice knowing that I wouldn't have to be alone.

We had a great time that afternoon. The movie was okay and afterwards we went to the Chinese restaurant in the mall. We called up and invited Kristen, Alex, Paul, and Caroline. I love going to a Chinese restaurant with a big group. I was pleased to see Mike with Kristen and Alex. He said it was strange having a weekend without Tracey.

We all ordered different things so we could share. We talked more about the prom. The guys were moaning about the cost. Laura told them they could always split the costs like we were doing.

It was also a bit obvious that Mike was flirting with me all night. I thought it was just me at first, but Laura noticed it too. It's not like I wasn't flattered, but I wasn't about to cheat on Laura, and I liked Tracey too much. I tried to ignore it and avoid anyone getting the wrong impression.

On the way home, Laura asked me if I found him attractive.

"Yes, I do," I answered honestly.

"Good, I'm glad you didn't lie," noted Laura. "I know you like boys, and if I did too I'd probably find Mike hot myself."

"So, you don't mind boys finding you attractive?" asked Cat.

"No, not anymore. I guess it's a validation that I'm doing this right," I answered.

"Hypothetical question for you, Erika," asked Laura. "Assuming the unthinkable happens and we are no longer a couple, and you met a guy who was obviously hot for you, would you tell him that you were TS?"

"Hypothetical huh? Well, are you talking about before or after my surgery?" I asked.

"Both," interjected Cat with a sly smile.

"Before the surgery I would definitely tell him, and for that matter even after the surgery," I answered.

"Well, what if you knew that it would be a one night stand and that you'd never see him again?" asked Laura.

"Same answer. If he really loved me it wouldn't matter. Besides after being accused of deceiving someone, I've had a lot of time to think about this sort of thing."

"That's true," said Laura.

"So, if both you and Mike were free and available, would you go out with him?" asked Cat.

"I guess so. He's fun to be around and he's cute too," I answered.

"So, race wouldn't be a problem?" asked Cat.

"No, back in San Diego interracial dating is no big deal for most people, at least it wasn't at my school," I replied.

"So, basically if it's breathing then it's fair game for you?" asked Cat.

"Yes, being a bisexual and open-minded makes almost everyone a potential date," I answered laughing.

"Too bad you aren't from West Virginia, then you could include your kin in that mix," laughed Laura.

"Then she wouldn't be open minded!" added Cat laughing.

"Kin?" I asked.

"It's okay, my whole Mom's whole side of the family is from there, and they've told me the best West Virginia jokes," explained Laura.

"Seriously, what is the attitude on interracial dating around here?" I asked

"To be honest, it's never been a big issue, because we haven't had a huge number of minorities," explained Cat. "I don't think that it would be a big problem in school."

"So my turn to ask a question, would either of you date someone who is a different race?" I asked.

"I don't have a problem with it," replied Cat.

"I'm not picky, you should both know that," smiled Laura.

"I think we've just been insulted," I said to Cat.

"I know we've just been insulted," agreed Cat.

We all began to laugh.

We went back to my house; they both said they'd stay with me until Mom and Sam came back. I showed them the movie with Mrs. Lincoln in it. They were both impressed.

A little after 9:30, we heard Sam's car pull into the driveway. It was good to see Mom and Sam again. Yes, I know that they were only gone a week, but I missed them! Cat, Laura, and I helped them bring their bags in. After they got settled Cat and Laura left. I thanked Cat for being such a great hostess, and I gave Laura a nice long kiss.

Chapter One-Hundred-Sixty-Nine

Sam, Mom, and I sat down at the kitchen table. Their first concern was the Rev and his minor act of vandalism. Sam said that he had called the police and they'd told him that there wasn't much they could do. Still, the sign made it clear that it wasn't over.

I was more concerned about Mom's visit with Sam's family. She said that they were all wonderful and had treated her very nicely. Sam said that he was amazed how well behaved they'd been, and Mom punched him in the arm.

"So I guess the million dollar question is how did they react to you having a seventeen-year-old daughter?" I asked.

"Damm! I knew there was something we forgot to bring up!" exclaimed Sam with a smile.

"He gets a bit weird when he's been driving all day, doesn't he?" Mom teased. "They seemed very anxious to meet you."

"Did you tell them everything?" I asked

"Of course. There's no reason to keep it secret," added Mom.

Sam decided to let us talk and said he was going to bed. He kissed us both good night and went upstairs.

"So, it really went well?" I got up and put the kettle on.

"Better that you can imagine. Sam's family already knew all about you."

"When did he tell them?" I opened the tea box and took out a bag of black spice chai tea. Mom saw my choice and nodded.

"He talks to his sister all the time about cases. She works in the Philly DA's office, and she became very interested in your case. So, when he told them how he'd met me, there was no sense in hiding the truth."

"Tell me more about his family." The kettle was about to come to a boil. I always put my sugar in my mug before I pour in the water. Then I wait at least five minutes until I take out the bag. Taking it out too soon is a crime.

Mom then went over Sam's immediate family. His father was a retired Philadelphia policeman, and his mother had always been a housewife, and they now lived in New Jersey. Sam's older sister, Carla, worked as an assistant DA in Philadelphia. She's married and has two kids. He also had a younger brother named Brett, who'd just made detective in the Philadelphia PD. Brett was divorced and had no kids.

"Do you have a scorecard for me?" I asked. I added milk to my tea. The tea was very good. I think tea tastes better when there is good conversation to go along with it. Vanilla wafers also help!

"I won't even go into all his cousins and other relatives. I got lost after he introduced me to his three aunts at dinner. It will take some getting used to this sudden expansion of family. They are very close, and they're all fond of Sam."

"And meanwhile our real family doesn't even acknowledge my existence," I replied sadly.

"Well, that's not all because of you. I never was all that popular with most of them."

"Why? Because of me coming along?" I asked.

"I guess it's time to discuss this. Why don't you make us each another mug of tea, and we'll have a talk," announced Mom.

I did as she said, and when they were ready she began to tell me some things from her past and mine.

"First off, I've never lied to you about anything. I have just left out some parts until I felt you were ready. What I told you about your father was true. We did date and he did dump me when I got pregnant. He wanted to stay with me, but he didn't want me to have a baby. He offered to pay for an abortion and I refused; then he suggested that I put you up for adoption. I couldn't do that either. I instantly fell in love with you and couldn't bear the thought of someone else raising you."

I took a long sip of tea and let her words sink in.

"When I'd met him, I was working as a waitress in a strip joint. I got the job after my first year in college. I never danced or took off my clothes, even though I had the opportunity. The job paid really well, and it worked with my hours in school. My family was upset that I worked in a place like that and felt I should get a more 'respectable' job. The problem with the 'respectable jobs' was that their hours wouldn't allow me to go to college. They also paid much less money. So, I did what I thought was right."

I took another sip of my tea.

"I met your father while I was working there. He was on the football team and they came in a couple of times a week. I guess I became star struck, and I failed to see what a jerk he was until he walked away from me. I moved back home and worked out a schedule to go to school, work, and raise you. The family wasn't pleased and thought that I never should have tried to raise you. I was barely twenty when you were born, and I didn't have a husband, so in their eyes I was immoral."

I could hear the bitterness in her voice. It made me angry to hear how mean they'd been to her.

"I guess that they also looked at my behavior in high school. I hung out with a wild crowd. They were my friends and some of them led less than model lives. I know that some were into drugs, and I mean the heavy stuff. After high school some of them had some real problems. I knew that if I failed to get through college I'd end up like them," continued Mom.

"So that's why you are so anti-drug?" I asked.

Mom nodded. "I had a friend in school who was as close to me as you are with Cat. One night she invited me to go clubbing with her; I turned her down because I couldn't skip work. She died that night in a car crash. Three other girls, all very close friends, including the driver, also died in the accident. The Highway Patrol said that they'd all been drinking and that the post mortems showed that they'd also used drugs. If I hadn't been working that night, I might have been in that car with them."

"Karma," I said softly, referring to her working that night.

"Maybe. I still carried around a lot of guilt for years. Between the accident and you arriving, my life was really turned around for the better." She then paused for a moment and then spoke softly. "I still think about them... it was such a waste."

We sat there in silence for a few moments. "Did you ever use drugs?"

Mom paused for a moment and looked me in the eyes. "Yes. I smoked pot, and I tried a few other things, but never again after that night. Their deaths scared me away from drugs."

There was a very loud silence in the room. We sat there for a long time soaking it in.

"So.... all of this combined to make our family feel that you weren't worthy of their affection?"

"I think they were further bothered by the fact that I had the nerve to graduate college and move up in life. The fact that I moved away to take a better job upset them too. Your transition was just the final straw, it gave them a solid reason to cut ties."

"Thank you for telling me all this. I love you even more, if that's even possible!"

We hugged and both of us cried softly. We held onto each other for what seemed like hours. I was so proud of her and how she'd made her life better by overcoming adversity.

"I think that's enough family history for tonight. I need to go to bed," noted Mom.

We said good night and we walked upstairs together. We hugged one last time before we went into our rooms. I was so happy that she and Sam were together. They deserved each other and deserved a happy life together. I really understood Mom better now.

Chapter One-Hundred-Seventy

As usual I was the first one up and was enjoying the paper at the kitchen table. I had the coffeepot ready to go for Sam. The feeder only had a few birds. They were small and brown, and most likely some sort of sparrow. I thought about last night and the prospect of becoming part of a large loving family. The idea was very appealing.

I read the local paper first. It usually didn't take that long to go through it. I always saved the NY Times for last. I looked in the editorial section and, to my horror, there was a letter from the Rev. He claimed that Jason had gotten an unfair trial, and that Jason was the victim of an immoral conspiracy, and that he'd been deceived by a deviate. The letter went on to say how he would stage a protest the week before graduation. He said that he promised to disrupt the town unless Jason was given a new trial. I looked at it and felt my rage growing. I went upstairs and e-mailed Marlene and asked her if she wanted me to mail the article to her or save it until she arrived for prom. By contacting Marlene, I felt like I was doing something.

As I went back downstairs, I heard Mom and Sam stirring. I turned on the coffee maker and the kitchen was soon filled with the aroma of fresh brewed coffee. I did like the smell, but I wasn't tempted to go over to the dark side and actually drink it!

I looked at the Rev's letter and wondered how many people would believe his lies. This was a time when life needed a fast-forward button like those on VCRs. I wanted to shift forward to see the response of the town. I figured that there'd be responses in the paper by Wednesday or Thursday at the latest. I actually hoped that maybe everyone had skipped the editorials that day.

Sam came down first and after greeting him I showed him the letter to the editor. He read it while he filled his mug with coffee. He drank it straight, no cream or sugar.

"I've already e-mailed Marlene about it. I needed to do something," I announced.

Sam nodded in approval. "Well, if he stages a protest in town he'll need a permit from city hall. They'll tell me if he does that. If he fails to get the permit, then the police can arrest him."

"How much do the permits cost?" I asked.

"No charge. They only exist so the police can plan crowd control. They also limit where he can hold his protest. Town laws require that all protests must be off school property and cannot disrupt school activities. That was put in place during the Vietnam War. The mayor at the time was worried about campus protests, and the law has never been changed."

"What will happen if he applies for the permit?" I asked.

"He'll get it. He does have a constitutional right to stage a peaceful legal gathering," replied Sam.

"Thanks for the civics lesson," I said with a smile. "Can't you do something?"

"I'm only the DA, not the Attorney General," replied the Sam with a smile.

Mom came down and we caught her up on what was going on. What really got me through all this was the fact that I had such great support from my family and friends.

"So why is he attacking me on the issue of the rape, and not because of my being TS, which is obviously the real reason for his actions?" I asked.

"He can't, it would be a violation of state law. So by protesting that this is just a case of criminal injustice, he can skirt his real issue without breaking the law and he also avoids a civil rights law suit," explained Sam.

"I'm not sure who I hate more right now," I replied.

As we ate breakfast, we discussed our strategy. I'd have preferred to hear about their trip, but first things come first. Just as we were cleaning up, Marlene called. She talked to Sam for nearly thirty minutes. I got to talk to her afterwards.

"Don't worry too much, I know you want this to just go away, but like all plagues this one will pass," she remarked.

"How bad will it get?" I asked.

"That's up to him. If he holds his little rally and fails to gain any support, he may just move on. These guys hate to dwell on their defeats. I'm working with some groups to conduct a counter-rally. If we can make a strong showing, he'll shift to an easier target. I don't think he knows how tough you are."

"I wish I knew myself."

"Look, Erika, I've been involved in many such cases, and I know that you can get through this."

"Thanks. I just don't want to cause any problems."

"YOU aren't causing the problems, HE is. You, Erika, are just defending yourself, remember that," she stated firmly.

She needed to speak to Sam again. This was a like a bad dream that keeps repeating. However, I wasn't going to repeat my mistakes and try to do this all on my own.

I went upstairs to get ready for work. I looked at my scar and it was barely noticeable. Too bad the rest of this wouldn't fade away. I was surprised that they were still on the phone when I came down. I was wearing a sleeveless spring dress and sandals. I didn't mind wearing dresses, now that the weather was warmer.

Mom said goodbye and hung up the phone. She let out a loud sigh.

"So what's the plan?" I asked.

"Wait and see for now. Marlene is organizing groups in support of you, but the next move is his," remarked Mom.

"What about replying to his letter?" I asked.

"She said that she'd draft a reply and send it in today, we'll get a copy by e-mail," added Sam.

"Cool."

"I know this may sound corny, but have faith in the people of this community to do the right thing," continued Sam.

"I will. I just wish that he'd come out in the open and fight fair."

"It's not his style, or of those like him."

Mom let me borrow the car to go to work. I turned down their offer of a ride; I wanted them to relax at home.

Chapter One-Hundred-Seventy-One

Work went really well, it was like a five-hour vacation from my problems. Cindy kept me busy so that I didn't have time to think about the Rev. Mel told me that the guys in the leather store said to call them immediately if he showed up here in the store. I thanked her but said that was very unlikely.

We stayed pretty busy all day. Girls were coming in to pick up their prom dresses, and we were getting more people in looking for outfits for weddings. I wanted to concentrate on school, prom, and my future, but I kept thinking about the Rev and his tactics.

As I approached my house, I saw a beat-up, old, white camper drive by in the other lane. It seemed out of place for this area. I couldn't make out the plates, but they weren't from PA. When I reached our house, I saw a white box sticking out of the mailbox. I immediately pulled into the driveway and ran in the house. Sam came out and looked at it, then left it alone and called the police.

"What can you remember about the camper?" asked Sam.

"It was a white pickup with a camper top. It was an old truck. I think it was a Ford. The plates weren't Pennsylvanian. That's what caught my attention, but I didn't look at them all that close," I explained.

The box was a white shoebox tied closed with string. Sam felt that it wasn't dangerous, but he saw no need to take chances.

The police arrived and, after examining the box carefully, they removed it from the mailbox. They opened it up and called Sam over to see inside. I'd hoped that it was a false alarm, but judging by his expression I could tell that the Rev had struck again.

"May I see?" I yelled. I was standing up by the front door with Mom, Cat and Terri.

Sam waved us down, "Just don't touch it."

Inside the box was a male action figure doll in a dress. There was a sign attached to it saying, "I'm Eric the lying freak!" and a card saying, "Save your soul and tell the truth! Free Jason!"

"This is pretty sick and pathetic. It's like being harassed by some six-year-old kids!" I stated angrily.

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I turned to see Officer Tom Bell, "You okay, kid?" he asked.

"Yes, thanks, I'm just really pissed." I was glad to see him on this case.

"I put out a description of the truck; if we find it, we'll question the driver," announced Tom.

"Great, I appreciate that. I would like copies of the photos of this sent to my office in the morning," stated Sam.

"Will do, sir," replied Tom.

We walked back in the house. So far it was just annoying. He really hadn't done anything all that illegal, and we weren't even sure it was The Rev. Sam was grilling dinner and Mom had invited Cat and Terri over. I would have called Laura, but I knew she was having dinner with her family.

Thankfully dinner was very good, and being surrounded by friends and family made me feel very safe and secure.

Chapter One-Hundred-Seventy-Two

School was very exciting. Prom fever was running through the school and almost every senior girl had a bad case of it, including yours truly. I did talk with Ms. B about the latest incident. She told me that I shouldn't worry as I had so many people in my corner.

Lisa was still in the program and seemed to be less moody. She told me that she was looking forward to the prom. Even Denise seemed to be looking forward to the prom. I asked her if she had a date, and she told me that she was going with the bass player from the Downfall. I couldn't remember what she looked like, but I was sure that they'd be the two most interesting persons at the prom.

At lunch we all were talking about the prom. Tracey still wasn't back from the funeral; Kristen said that they were returning late the next day. Laura was really getting fed up with all the BS associated with planning the prom and grad night. She had a meeting every day after school. She felt it was overkill and that if everyone just did their jobs, there wouldn't be a need for so many meetings.

"Mom says the same thing about her job," I remarked.

Kristen confirmed that everything was set for our dinner and the limo. We were all going to meet at her house, and the limo would pick us up there. It was all pretty exciting.

The rest of the day passed without incident. I walked home with Cat, as Laura had her meeting to attend. I would have stuck around, but I needed to get home for work. It also gave me a chance to talk with Cat.

"When is Matt arriving?" I asked.

"Thursday night. He was going to get a hotel room, but I arranged for him to stay over at Alex's place. They have a guest room in the upstairs part of the barn next to Alex's room," explained Cat. That would work out well as Alex was throwing a post-prom party.

"I can't wait until Saturday night. I'm shocked at how much I'm getting into this whole prom thing," I exclaimed.

"I still remember your shock and horror when I first called you Erika, and now you can't wait to be all dolled up for the senior prom," joked Cat.

"I know, it's been a very enlightening year."

"Just remember when you sell your life story to Hollywood, I get to pick who plays me," smiled Cat.

"I just hope that there's a happy ending."

"There will be. I don't see it happening any other way." Her confidence was very reassuring.

Chapter One-Hundred-Seventy-Three

I got home from work just in time to join Sam and Mom for dinner. Mom had just beat me home, and Sam had cooked dinner for us. He was actually a pretty good cook.

"So what's for dinner? It smells really good."

"Beef stew, old family recipe," he answered.

It tasted as good as it smelled.

"Any news on the Rev?" I asked.

"No. I called Marlene, and she's very interested in seeing the photos of the doll. She got a very interesting phone call from Martin Turner. He said that neither he nor Jason has any thing to do with what is happening, and that he wanted to reassure her that they don't support the Rev's actions. In fact, they've sent a letter to the paper stating this. If he's telling the truth, then it'll hurt the Rev a lot."

"Why would Jason do that?" I asked. Sam had also baked some biscuits, and I was putting some butter and honey on one.

"It works well in his favor. By not supporting the Rev, he'll look better to the parole board," explained Sam.

"Do you think that they'll remember that in twenty years?" I asked. I took a bite of the biscuit and it was excellent.

"If he stays clean and avoids problems, it won't hurt him," added Sam. "There's no way that the case will be reviewed. Even Martin Turner refused to appeal the case."

"There's a name that I hoped never to hear again."

The biscuit was very good and I decided to splurge and have a second one.

"I know he isn't top on your list, but he is a good attorney. If there was even a slight chance of an appeal succeeding, he would have filed. I think he's glad that Jason didn't get a stiffer sentence."

"I don't question his legal skills, just his sense of morality."

"Changing the subject, we need to tell you some happier news," said Mom. "We filed your name change paper work today."

"Really? That's great! So what is my new name going to be?" I asked anxiously.

"The adoption papers are still being processed, so you last name will still be Walters for now, and of course your first name will be Erika," said Mom.

"And my middle name?" I asked.

"I want to tell you the reason first. I have decided to give you the name of my best friend who I told you about the other night. So you'll be Erika Jean Walters, until the wedding. What do you think?" asked Mom.

"Sounds lovely, although I can't wait until it is Erika Jean Warren! I'm honored that you're giving me the name of your best friend," I said, and I got up and gave them both a hug.

During dessert I told them about the loan for my surgery. I'd forgotten to tell them earlier due to all the crap with the Rev. Sam said that it sounded too good to be true, but he'd review the paperwork when it arrived. He said that if it was as good as advertised then we should consider it.

Chapter One-Hundred-Seventy-Four

I checked Tuesday's paper and didn't see any replies to the Rev's letter. I figured that I'd see some in tomorrow's paper. I was looking forward to talking to Jenny that afternoon. I had much that I needed to discuss and a few things I wanted to vent. My biggest fear was that I'd have another episode brought on by the stress of the Rev. I didn't want to screw up the prom or graduation.

I was also looking forward to my weekly chat with Sandra. Mom was very happy that I had a successful TS woman I could talk to, and impressed with the support group that the scholarship committee had formed.

School was a breeze. I haven't talked a lot about my grades. I was a pretty solid B student at my old high school. I'd never taken the extra effort to push for higher grades. That all changed at Central High. My first term grades were excellent and I'd ended up with five A's and a B. This semester I was looking at all A's. I'd never cared about something like that before. I only wished that I'd become more motivated earlier. I'm not totally sure about why my grades were so much better. Maybe it was due to growing up or because of the move, or maybe it was due to being at ease with myself. Whatever the reason, I was proud of my new higher academic standing.

Laura drove me; she said that she wouldn't miss our post therapy cappuccinos.

I had a good session with Jenny. I told her all about the Rev's tactics. I suspected that she already knew but she didn't let on. I also expressed my fears about prom and graduation. She did a good job in easing my fears, telling me that I wasn't at fault for this. So many people had told me this, yet I still had a feeling that it was my fault. Stupid? Yes, but that's why they are called irrational fears.

Afterwards at Spencer's, I had my usual the key lime pie and cappuccino. I was beginning to think that they saved me a slice knowing where I was coming from. Laura shifted to cheesecake with raspberries on top. I tried a piece and it was very good.

"You know you've now been on hormones for six weeks!" Laura reminded me.

"Wow, you're right." I took a bite of the key lime pie.

"How do you feel?" asked Laura.

"Good," I answered with a big smile on my face.

"I thought you'd like the outfit I picked out for you at the sleepover. I imagine that it felt nice against your budding nipples," whispered Laura.

I smiled and giggled. "It felt very nice."

We finished our treat and went for a walk around the campus area. The weather was nice and there was a feeling that summer wasn't too far away. I longed to just lie in the sun. I wasn't really into sunbathing, I just wanted to feel the warmth on my changing body. Laura kidded me about helping me pick out my first bathing suit. It was so much fun to just have a regular conversation with my girlfriend.

Chapter One-Hundred-Seventy-Five

I called Sandra around 8:00. We'd been trading e-mails, so she knew all about the Rev. I also told her that my name change paperwork had been filed.

"That is a huge step. I'm very happy for you. So what do you want to talk about tonight?" she asked.

"How do you handle your identity? I mean you said that you tell people that you date, but do you still see yourself as transgendered or as female? This isn't coming out the way I want it to," I asked.

"I think I know what you mean. I don't wear the label "transsexual" on my lapel. I'm not ashamed of who and what I am. But I'm not an activist either. I do have friends who are very public about being TS and that's right for them. I'm mainstream, but I don't lie either. My boss and coworkers know about me, and they are comfortable with me. I'm TS, but it isn't my entire identity. I believe I can best help our cause by showing that a TS can function normally and without a lot of fanfare. This doesn't mean that I don't stand up for my rights. Mainstream doesn't mean doormat. Does that make sense to you?"

"Yes, it does. I'm torn between wanting to be just accepted as a woman, and at the same time I want to stand up to intolerance."

"You can do both," she answered.

We talked for another hour or so. Many of the questions were related to the changes that I was beginning to notice. It was nice knowing someone who could get me through the rough parts and prepare me for what was happening. She gave me a few good websites to look at for both hormones and surgery.

"I have one last question, do you have any regrets on getting the surgery?" I asked

"Only that I didn't get it sooner. It's not a cure-all, but it did give me a sense of wholeness. Don't look at it as the end of the journey, but as another step. We can talk more about this next time. Have a great time at the prom!"

We agreed to the talk next week and we said goodbye.

Chapter One-Hundred-Seventy-Six

Wednesday's paper had the first responses to the Rev. Now our paper always tried to show balance in the editorial and letters section, so I knew that I should look at content instead of numbers. I was pleasantly surprised by the letters; almost all were in support of me.

I was pleased to see they'd printed both Marlene's and Martin Turner's responses. Martin's was more of a disclaimer against the Rev than it was a letter of support for me. But I was really pleased to see letters from people telling the Rev to stay away. One man claimed to have been on the jury and he said that Jason wasn't just guilty but VERY guilty. The rest of the letters that supported me all made it clear that my gender wasn't an issue. One of the letters in support of me was from a minister. I was really pleased to see that one, as it showed that this wasn't a religious issue, but a legal and human rights issue.

There were a couple that supported Jason. One said that it couldn't be rape as I wasn't really female. I guess he never read the law. Another was a very strong religious rant against me. I was grouped with illegal drugs, illegal immigrants, abortion, divorce, and evolution as the reasons society was about to collapse. I didn't know I was SO important. I'm surprised he didn't propose burning me at the stake! Still another blamed the scholarship competition for causing all the problems in the first place.

I was very happy and excited by the positive responses. Mom said that I shouldn't get too excited.

"Don't get me wrong honey, I think this is wonderful, and I truly think that it reflects the opinion of the majority of the people here in town, but there will still be those who oppose you and they may do it more intelligently than the two in the paper," she remarked.

She was right. I needed to be ready for criticism. Still, it felt very good seeing the support against the Rev.

The rest of the week there were other responses in the paper to the Rev. They were overwhelmingly against the Rev. I recognized a few names in the support letters. As for the letters in support of the Rev and/or against me they were few and very poorly stated. Paul told me that he'd talked to the editor in charge of selecting letters, and he had stated that the negative letters printed in the paper were the best ones sent in. He also told Paul that many came in with out of state postmarks with no return address, leading him to believe that the Rev and his group were sending in responses. Those never got printed.

Chapter One-Hundred-Seventy-Seven

Jumping ahead to Friday evening, I was sitting with Laura in Spencer's. We sat very close to each other. It felt good just to sit with her. We'd both had an emotional week. My issues have been discussed already. Laura had to deal with the last minute planning for the prom. She was fed up with all the petty arguments and complaints. She joked about getting Tony the limo driver's friends to take out some of the members of the student government.

"Are you shooting to be the senior class dictator or president?" I asked.

"I prefer Empress, or Queen of the Senior Class."

"I thought I was in contention for that?" I joked. She elbowed me in the ribs for that one.

We went back to her place and went up to her room. I took off my top and bra and exposed my chest. My nipples were obviously bigger, and there was noticeable growth in my breasts. Granted, they were still very small. I couldn't toss my breast pads away quite yet.

"Oh, my! Erika, you really are growing. They're so cute!" she squealed.

She downloaded the photo and compared it to the previous ones. There was definite growth. She took my hand and led me to her bed. Her fingers along my nipples made me flinch slightly.

"Hmmm, seems that they are getting more sensitive; I like that," remarked Laura. She took off her top and bra.

"So do I," I replied, and I leaned over to kiss her.

Laura continued to stimulate my nipples. It felt wonderful. The feelings of pleasure weren't just centralized around the nipples; rather they went deep into my body. I felt tingles all over my body. I returned the favor and also rubbed and caressed her breasts and nipples. The changes in my body were so wonderful, and Laura took great pleasure in helping me discover them. There was none of the pressure or stress that I'd experienced when I tried to do this as a boy. Instead it felt so natural that there was no pressure.

Just then the phone rang. I told her to ignore it but she answered it anyway.

"Hel-lo?" asked Laura. Her breathing was rather heavy and she paused slightly in the middle of the word. She listened and looked at me and smiled and then started laughing. "Okay, we'll be there, bye."

"What's up?" I asked

"That was Cat. She wants us to 'put aside our lust' and join her and Matt over at the pizza place," she said giggling.

We got dressed, and I checked my makeup and brushed my hair. Laura said I looked cute and that we should be going.

We caught up with Matt and Cat at the pizza place. The rest of our prom group was there too. The guys were oblivious to the way Laura and I looked. Cat smiled a very sly smile, as did Kristen. Tracey just shook her head.

"What?" I asked, holding back a smile.

"Hey, look who finally made it here!" announced Alex, "Cat said that you were studying. You two need to lighten up and have fun, remember this is prom weekend."

"Good advice, Alex, thank you," replied Laura. To this day I don't know how we all held in our laughter.

We hung out there for a couple of hours. We soon broke up into two conversations, the guys talking about sports and the girls talking about the prom. Laura, Cat, and I all had our appointments for the salon in the morning. Kristen and Tracey were doing the same thing at a different salon. Kristen reminded us to bring a change of clothes for the party at Alex's barn. For the next day or so I was able to put my fears aside and focus on having fun.

Chapter One-Hundred-Seventy-Eight

I woke up early Saturday morning. I felt like a little kid on Christmas morning, as I was so excited about the Prom. My appointment at the salon wasn't until 11:00, so I had plenty of time to kill. It was clear and warm outside. Cat said that it wouldn't dare rain this weekend. I decided to go for a run. I slipped on a pair of shorts, sports bra, t-shirt, socks, and running shoes. It was nice enough outside, so I didn't need any sweats. I did my usual stretches. Coach was religious about us doing our stretches before running. I left a note for Mom and Sam and then I took off.

Even with the Rev lurking about I felt safe enough to run by myself. I headed down towards the school. There weren't a lot of people up at 7:00 in our neighborhood. I did see several rabbits and plenty of birds. I was aware of my surroundings. I kept to the sidewalks and selected a large looping route. Maybe it was just my imagination, but I swore that I could feel my breasts bounce a little as I ran.

I couldn't believe that there was only one month of school left. I thought about what would be going down in the next few months. After prom there would be graduation. I had mixed feelings about high school ending. I'd miss my friends and the comfort zone I had at Central. After school ended, I'd get my scar and nose repaired. After that the next biggest thing would be the planning for Mom and Sam's wedding. They'd decided on the first Saturday in August as the date, and the invitations had been sent out. Mom wanted an outdoor wedding, so they'd reserved the park just south of town. It had a small river that ran through it and was a popular place for weddings. The reception would be held in our backyard, and Sam knew a caterer who would set up tents for the guests. Terri said that we could use their backyard too. When Sam and Mom finished with the list of guests, it looked like we'd have 100-120 people, if everyone showed up.

I made the turn at the high school and started down on the main road towards downtown. Mom and Sam had agreed that I could get my plastic surgery after graduation. I'd be going to New York the week after graduation to get my nose and scar fixed. That would give me over six weeks to heal before the wedding. Our insurance had agreed to pay the cost. I think they did this because the work was going to be done with a FOML (Friends of Mrs. Lincoln) discount. Dr. David Ayres had offered me a greatly discounted price for the work. I wasn't going to turn it down. Mom was going up with me, and we were going to sightsee and shop the weekend before my surgery. She wanted to have a girls' weekend before the wedding. Mrs. Lincoln also had arranged for Tony to pick us up. She said that it was part of the company health plan.

I came to an intersection and I hung a right. I'd take this road for two more miles and then curve back into our neighborhood. The entire route was a little over six miles. I then thought about Laura. She'd be leaving for college a few weeks after the wedding. Neither of us wanted to think about being separated. We both knew it was inevitable, at least for her first year of school. My staying in Golden Hill until after the surgery and her going to the best school for her education just made too much sense, even if it hurt from an emotional point of view.

I was hoping to get my sexual reassignment surgery in early summer of the following year. Laura and Cat both said that they wanted to be there for me and I wanted them there too. Sam had agreed that the loan was a very good deal, and we'd sent in the paperwork. I was pleasantly surprised at how smoothly the medical side of my transition was progressing.

I reached the turn off into our neighborhood. I'd worked up a good sweat and felt very relaxed and loose. I reached the house and did my cool down routine. Coach was religious about that too. When I finished, I picked up the papers and headed inside.

Chapter One-Hundred-Seventy-Nine

The aroma of freshly brewed coffee told me immediately that Sam was up. It was amazing how easily Sam had become part of our lives. It was hard to imagine him not living with us.

As soon as I walked into the kitchen, I said, "Good morning, Dad."

Sam was sitting at the table reading a law brief for his latest trial. Mom was scrambling some eggs and cooking some bacon. It smelled very good.

"Hi, hon, how was your run?" asked Mom

"Great," I said. "Here are the papers."

"You want some breakfast?" asked Mom.

"Yes, please. Can I go shower first?" I asked.

"We'd both appreciate that," quipped Sam from behind his law brief.

I'd have thrown the Times at him, but I could hear him snickering.

I ran upstairs and took a quick shower and changed. I put on a light cotton sleeveless dress and my sandals. I then went downstairs to eat.

Mom showed me the latest editorial page and went back to making my breakfast. The letters printed were still overwhelmingly in my favor. Many were angry that an outsider would come into town to try to gain publicity from a violent crime. The paper even had an editorial stating that the town didn't need people coming in to spread hate and misinformation. It made me feel very warm inside as I read it. The interesting thing was that for most people my physical gender wasn't an issue.

After breakfast I finished up some schoolwork. I only had a short assignment to finish for Mr. Kline. When I finished it my weekend was clear. I'd even been given the day off from work on Sunday. Mrs. Lincoln really did look after her 'girls'.

Around 10:30 Laura and Cat came over. We said goodbye and headed downtown. As we entered the salon, I looked up and saw my photo above the receptionist. Okay, I admit that I'm a bit egotistical about it, but you have to admit that it's pretty cool to see your picture displayed like you were a celebrity.

I really loved being pampered and the salon did a great job. I'd been going there since last summer. I had my legs waxed there every month. It was so much better than shaving! I was getting my hair dyed and styled. I was also getting my nails done, both fingers and toes. The manicurist had asked us earlier that week to show her our dresses, so she could pick a good color for each of us.

I had my hair done first. My hair color for most of school had been light brown. My stylist felt that I should go with a more auburn color. Cat and Laura felt that it would look great and so I agreed, although reluctantly. I was very nervous about doing anything drastic the day of the Prom. There were visions of looking like a clown running through my head. The stylist promised me that I'd love it.

Cat went for a new look and had her long hair cut shorter to just off her shoulders. She looked great, although I missed seeing her in a ponytail. Laura kept her hair the same length but had it curled slightly.

I was very pleased with my new hair color. It wasn't that different from my original color, but I liked the slight red tone. My nails were done in a light violet color to match my dress. Cat and Laura both had their nails done in a rich red. We talked as our nails dried.

"How do you like your new hairstyle, Cat? I think you look lovely."

"I love it. I've been wanting to go to a shorter style for a long time. I told Matt that I was doing it and he didn't seem to mind."

"I think you look great too, Cat," added Laura. "I also love your new hair color, Erika, it really suits you."

"Thanks. I think you look wonderful too!" I remarked.

"Well, it's settled, we all look great; so look out, world!" exclaimed Cat.

We were all going to meet over at Laura's house to get dressed. Laura insisted on doing our makeup. I didn't mind and even Cat was agreeable to the idea. Laura's parents had invited our families over for drinks, so they could all see us before we left to go over to Kristen's.

Chapter One-Hundred-Eighty

Cat and I drove over to Laura's house around four. This gave us plenty of time to get ready. We went upstairs and changed.

I went in the bathroom and put on the lavender lingerie that Mrs. Lincoln had bought me. I wanted tonight to be perfect in every way! I was hoping I'd get enough help from the push-up bra so I could skip the pads. I had to admit that it did a good job. I then slipped on my robe and rejoined Cat and Laura.

Laura had just finished with Cat and she looked fantastic. I only hoped I'd looked half as good as she did.

"Okay, Erika... you're next," stated Laura. She pointed to the chair in front of her makeup table.

I sat down and put myself into Laura's hands. Laura is very serious about her makeup abilities and she methodically did my face. She wouldn't let me see what she was doing, but I had complete trust in her. They both commented on my lingerie. Laura was extremely pleased that I was wearing a garter belt.

I wasn't disappointed by her work. I looked great! She'd done a great job concealing my scar so that it was barely noticeable -- even by me. I really loved how she'd made my eyes look so lovely.

While she did her own makeup, Cat and I carefully got dressed. I wasn't used to wearing a strapless bra, but it was necessary due to my dress having spaghetti straps. I carefully slipped it on--I didn't want to mess up the dress, my face, or my hair. I succeeded and was happy with how I looked. Mom had loaned me a string of pearls and some matching earrings. They complemented the dress perfectly. I slipped on my open-toed four-inch heels, and I had to admit that I looked fantastic

Cat looked absolutely stunning in her black gown, and Laura was exquisite in her red strapless gown. All three of us were beaming as we posed for the mirror. Laura came up and put some of her favorite perfume on my neck and wrists. I closed my eyes and let the scent seep in.

"So, are we all ready or what?" asked Laura.

"Let's go wow our loved ones," stated Cat as she grabbed her purse and wrap.

"I'm definitely wowed," said Laura, she was looking at me and smiling.

I felt myself start to blush as I grabbed my wrap and purse.

"You're so sexy when you blush," whispered Laura.

We went downstairs and were greeted by heartfelt compliments. Mom was speechless as I came into the room. Sam looked very pleased.

Mom was standing there beaming at me. "Oh, honey, you're so beautiful. I'm so happy for you!"

We posed for the first of many photos. We were totally into full prom mode. Matt arrived and was thrilled with Cat's appearance, as well he should have been! He pinned on her corsage and they then posed for several photos.

Laura was not to be outdone. She brought out our flowers. She had selected a very lovely orchid corsage for me and took great care in pinning it on me. Her corsage was very similar and I helped put it on her. Because she was wearing a strapless gown, her corsage had a wristband.

We posed for several photos. I was happy that Laura's parents had come around and could share in her joy this evening. I was also happy that I was able to share this moment with Mom and Sam.

We headed over to Kristen's house in Laura's car. We were all excited about the limo ride to the restaurant. Matt said that he felt like royalty riding in a car with three beautiful women.

At Kristen's house we caught up with the rest of our group. Kristen looked great. She was wearing a strapless silver gown. It looked like it had been painted onto her. Tracey's dress was red and it was cut lower than Laura's. The guys were all in classic James Bond tuxedos. Mike was the only one who deviated from the black and white scheme by wearing a bow tie and cummerbund in an African tribal pattern. Kristen's mother had us all pose together for a group shot.

A few minutes later the limo arrived. It was a large black stretch job. As we walked out to it, Cliff pulled in the driveway with Mel. They were having dinner with his parents. Cliff gave me a wolf whistle when he saw me. Mel shook her head in mock disgust.

"You all look great. I'm glad to see our products have such pretty girls to wear them," exclaimed Mel. "Oh, Erika! You look lovely, and I love your new hair color, it really looks great."

I smiled and thanked her. I was happy that they'd seen me. Actually, I wanted everyone I knew to see me!

Chapter One-Hundred-Eighty-One

We arrived at the restaurant and the chauffeur opened the door for us. We were going to enjoy every second of this night. We walked in and were taken to our table. There were a few other couples from Central High there. The waiter came up and couldn't have been nicer. He was an older man and he played the game perfectly, treating us like we were celebrities. His name was Charles and he was very sweet.

The only problem occurred due to a younger waiter. He was serving the tables next to us and he kept staring at Laura and I. He stood so we could see him and he shook his head slowly, as if he was feeling sorry for us. He looked like he was in college and was good looking, although not as good looking as he thought he was.

We watched him as he approached. "I'm so sorry that you two lovely young ladies don't have dates tonight. It's such a shame!"

"Excuse me? What are you talking about?" asked Laura in a sweet innocent tone.

"Hi, I'm Larry and well... I just hate to see two such gorgeous young women be without dates on a night like this." He then winked at us and gave us his best sexy smile.

We looked at each other and tried not to laugh. "We're not without dates," replied Laura.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did your dates get delayed?" he replied. He looked confused.

Laura looked at me. "He's a bit slow," she explained in a low voice. She then reached over and pulled me close and we kissed, slowly and sensually. We stopped and looked up at him and smiled sweetly at him.

He stood there with a trout look on his face. You know the look, eyes bulging and mouth open. He didn't say a word and just backed away.

"You two are just awful!" admonished Cat. We all started laughing.

"Oh, he had it coming," I laughed.

"He probably wants you two even more now," added Kristen.

"Ugh, please!" Laura grimaced.

Fortunately, the rest of the customers missed our little display. I didn't mind confusing Larry, but I didn't want to make a scene that might ruin the night.

Larry didn't bother us the rest of the night. Because of that we won our bet with Alex and Matt. They'd bet that he would give us his phone number before we left. We won a dance with each of them, which we would have gotten anyway, but it was nice to be right.

We drove through downtown on the way to the Prom. This gave us a chance to show off as we went through downtown. The chauffeur drove slowly so we could wave to passersby. The prom was being held in the Civic Center, the same place where I was in the fashion show.

The limo pulled up to the front entrance and we were let out. The chauffeur gave us his beeper number and told us to call when it was time to leave. We all looked at each other and smiled. "Okay everyone, let's go make an entrance they won't ever forget," stated Kristen.

We walked in as couples. Laura and I got a few dirty looks, but no one dared say anything. We also got some rather lustful looks from some of the guys. It's strange how some guys have such a thing about two girls in love. Laura said that she thinks they find it sexy and they imagine they can be the guy who "changes" us so we'll like men.

The theme was 'Hollywood'. They had two spotlights pointed up into the sky. We walked in on a red carpet and there were teachers posing as paparazzi there to take our photos. They'd done a great job in decorating. On one wall was a takeoff of the Hollywood sign. This one spelled out Central High and our graduation year. All around the other walls were movie posters and life-sized cutouts of movie stars. Above the stage was a movie marquee with our class year in lights. Once inside we all stopped and soaked in the atmosphere.

"Laura, the Prom committee did a great job!" exclaimed Tracey. We all agreed and congratulated her.

We walked around and checked out each other. I saw Caroline and Paul. They were with a group from the school paper. Caroline looked fantastic in her deep purple gown. I also had to admit that Paul looked very sharp in his tux. I wondered for a second what might have been. But when I looked over at Laura I shook those thoughts out of my mind. She was so stunning tonight.

I really wanted to see Denise and her date. I looked around and saw her hair. After all, she was the only girl in our class with white hair. Denise was wearing a lovely strapless black leather dress and she looked really great in it. Her date was wearing a similar dress, only hers was shorter and she was wearing knee-high leather high heel boots, while Denise was in heels. I was glad that Denise was staying true to her beliefs and not conforming to please everyone else.

Ms. B came up to us and commented on how lovely we all looked. She said that she'd like a photo with us. She also had a shot taken with the Fab Four. Yes, Lisa did show up. She was wearing a red gown and looked wonderful. Ms. B and the four of us posed for a photo together. I could see how proud she was of us.

Of course I had my photo taken with Laura. We also had one taken that included Cat, Kristen, Tracey, and Caroline.

The rest of the night was filled with dancing and celebration. The band was really good. I'd improved somewhat as a dancer, thanks to Laura and Cat's lessons. I danced the whole night. I saved most of the slow dances for Laura, but the rest of the dances I was fair game. I collected my bet and danced with Alex and Matt. I also danced with Paul, Mike, and several other guys. I also danced with Cat, Kristen, and Rachael.

We even got some of the faculty out on the dance floor. Ms. B joined Cat, Laura, and I for one dance. I also had a slow dance with Mr. Kline.

As expected, Alex and Kristen were elected Prom King and Queen. They deserved it and they looked great in their solo dance.

I was also relieved to see that the Rev was nowhere in sight. The night was too special for some lunatic to ruin.

I lost all track of time and was disappointed when they announced last dance. I wanted the night to go on forever! Laura led me out to the dance floor and held me close as the music played. I didn't want it to end, our bodies were so close, and we were so much in love.

We hung around talking before we left. Everyone had a great time and people were thanking Laura as they left.

"Erika, did you sit out any dances tonight?" asked Kristen.

"I don't think so," I replied with a huge smile on my face.

"Well, if you danced the whole night in those shoes then you really have become a girl," remarked Tracey with a smile.

Everyone just stared at her for a second then we all started laughing. Tracey wasn't exactly known for her sense of humor. I also knew that she had finally accepted me. Up to that point, I'd always sensed a little uneasiness from her when we were together. I never felt that again.

We got into the limo and headed back to Kristen's house. This would allow us to change before the party. The guys didn't mind staying in their tuxedos; all they had to do was loosen their ties. Besides, they all thought they looked so sexy and macho when they did that. I had to admit that I have a real soft spot for a guy in a tux.

We didn't dress totally down as we shifted to more casual party dresses. I started into the bathroom to change.

"Hey, Erika you can change out here with the rest of us; no one minds, we're all girls in here," said Kristen.

I looked around the room and saw that everyone was in agreement. That simple act made the night perfect. I had to hold back crying.

"Thank you," I said. "You have no idea how important this moment is."

For most of the year I hadn't really minded changing separately, as I didn't want to make other people uncomfortable. But since I'd started hormones it had bothered me a bit. They all came over and gave me big group hug.

Chapter One-Hundred-Eighty-Two

We drove over to the Alex's party in our separate cars. The party at Alex's was much more low-key and relaxing. It gave us a chance to sit, unwind and talk about the night. Everyone agreed that it was a great evening and that we'd remember it the rest of our lives.

I went into the house to use the bathroom. I was walking back to the barn, when Alex's mom came up to me in their kitchen and asked me to pass on her congratulations to Sam and Mom on their engagement. She also told me that I could count on their support if the Rev came to town. I thanked her.

"I'm not too worried as I have seen how the town has responded to his threats," I answered.

"Well, we talked about it at our church, and we voted to oppose him if he does come to town. The scholarship program has helped create a community that is very tolerant. It's not perfect, but we've all grown due to the program."

"The program seems to have made a huge impact on the community. Does everyone in your church feel this way?"

"To be totally honest? No, they don't, but a majority is against this so-called 'reverend'!"

I smiled back. "I appreciate your honesty."

"I don't want to keep you from all your friends, I just wanted to let you know that you have a lot of people on your side."

Her comments made me feel very good. I'd have preferred that she didn't talk about it that night, but she meant well. I hoped that the Rev would sense how little support he'd get here and stay away.

I returned to the barn and sat down next to Laura. She put her arm around me and pulled me close to her side. Tonight had been a huge event for her. She'd really made a statement about her life and, for the most part she was well received. Being TS I have other issues to worry about besides my sexuality. I knew that as I was accepted more as a woman than as TS then my sexuality would be a bigger issue.

We hung around for a couple of hours. No one really wanted to leave, but eventually every good thing comes to an end. Matt said that he'd give Cat a ride home, so Laura and I took off together. We drove slowly back to my house.

Once in the driveway, we began to kiss. It started off as a goodnight kiss but it soon got much more serious. We were soon locked in passion. It felt so good being in her arms. Neither of us wanted to stop, but we knew that it had to end.

"I love you, and I'm so happy that we had this night together," smiled Laura.

"I love you too. I still can't believe that we kissed in the restaurant!"

We both starting laughing. "I've wanted to do something like that my whole life," she replied.

We kissed again and I got out and grabbed my bag. My prom dress was still over at Kristen's. Laura said she'd come by later on and we could go get them. I looked at my watch and saw that it was 3:00 AM.

"Do me a favor and call me when you get home?" I asked.

"Sure thing."

She waited until I was inside and then she left. I went into the kitchen to wait for her call. I was too keyed up to go to sleep immediately anyway. I heard someone coming down the stairs and was slightly surprised to see Mom.

"Oh...I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you," I apologized.

"No problem, I'm happy to see that you're home. So, how was it?" she asked.

"Oh, Mom, it was wonderful! We had such a great time. I can't wait to tell you all about it," I exclaimed.

"Let's do it later on, I'm going back upstairs."

"I'll be right up, I'm waiting for Laura to call telling me she's home."

"Good night dear." She hugged me again and headed back upstairs.

I said good night and waited for Laura's call. Thankfully, she called a few minutes later and said that she was in and that she loved me. I went up to my room and went to bed. It had been a wonderful evening, and I drifted off into a deep restful sleep.

Chapter One-Hundred-Eighty-Three

I slept in until almost noon. Actually I woke up a few times, but decided that sleep was a better option than getting up. I finally got out of bed and crawled into the shower. I had no idea that having fun could be so exhausting.

After showering I checked myself out in the mirror. I really liked my new hair color and decided that I'd leave it this way for now. I also examined my growing breasts. Yes, I was a little fixated with them, but it was pretty cool seeing them grow.

I dressed casually and after my bra, pads, and panties, I put on a green sleeveless t-shirt, my denim overalls, and my sandals. I put on a touch of make up and went downstairs.

Mom and Sam were out back on the deck. It was sunny and nice outside. I grabbed a glass of OJ and joined them.

"It's alive!" said Sam, in his best horror movie voice.

"Oh, like you're Mr. Early Bird," I replied.

"I'm usually up before lunch," he said laughing, "I guess you had a great time."

"Good afternoon, honey," said Mom.

"Okay, I may have slept in a little late, but it was worth it." I sat down on one of the chairs. "It was awesome!"

I went on to describe the whole evening. I even told them about Larry the waiter. Sam found that very funny; Mom just shook her head.

"Sounds like something I would have done when I was your age," she remarked.

We talked for a while about the prom. Mom then excused herself to work on a paper for her college class. Sam asked me if I wanted to go down to his old apartment and help him pick up a few more things. I agreed and we took off.

"So, school is almost over," he said as we drove to the other side of town.

"It's gone by really fast, considering everything that's happened," I replied.

I noticed that we weren't taking the normal way to his place. "Is this the scenic route?" I asked.

"I have a little side trip to make, I didn't think you'd mind."

We drove a few more miles until we reached the State Police barracks. Sam told me to follow him and we walked inside. A trooper was waiting for us and took us out back.

"Well, there she is," he said, pointing to a green, two-door sports car. "She's in great shape, and I kinda hate to part with her, but with the baby on the way, it's very impractical."

"What do you think, Erika?" he asked.

I was stunned at first. "You mean for me?" I asked.

"Well, it's not a gift. You're buying it, but this is a great deal, and if it turns out to be a lemon I'll sue him," said Sam grinning.

"You sue me and you'd better not ever get caught speeding again," replied the trooper with an equally cheesy grin. Then they both started laughing. Cop humor!

I got in the car and it felt really nice. He was right; it was in great shape. The trooper told me I could drive it around a little to see how it felt. Sam got in next to me and we took off. It also rode very smoothly, so we drove for several miles before heading back.

"So what do you think?" asked Sam.

"It's really nice, but it's a little above my limit."

"Well, I think we can cover that, think of it as a graduation present."

"Does Mom know about this?" I asked.

He smiled. "Yes, she does, and she said it's up to you."

I thought about it and decided that it had everything I wanted and then some. It even had a CD player! It would be nice to have my own car, and this was far nicer than what I'd been expecting for my first car.

"If you think it's a good deal, then I think we should get it. I really like her. Thank you so much." That's right, I considered the car to be female. It was too cute to be a male!

"Great, let's head back to the barracks and tell him. By the way, you're welcome."

Sam told him that we'd take it and that he'd call later in the week to arrange the payment and to work out the paperwork.

I couldn't wait to tell Mom and my friends. Mom was pleased that at least I'd have a nice safe car.

Chapter One-Hundred-Eighty-Four

I called up Laura around three and she had just gotten up. She was excited about me getting a car, but she was still happy to drive me around.

"I'll be over in an hour. I can't believe that I slept this late!" she explained.

We went over to Kristen's to pick up our dresses.

"Has Cat picked hers up yet?" I asked as we walked up to her room.

"Yes, she and Matt came by an hour ago. They're a great couple," added Kristen.

I looked at my dress and held it in front of me. I closed my eyes and thought about last night. "Earth to Erika," interrupted Laura.

"Oh, sorry. I was thinking about last night. It seems like it was all a wonderful dream."

"It was real," said Kristen. She sat down on her bed and watched as we packed up our dresses. "I just want to tell you how proud I am of you two. You're both so brave and honest about being open and true about yourselves."

"Thanks, Kristen. Your sticking with me as my friend has helped more than you'll ever know," thanked Laura.

"Kristen, I also want to thank you for being my friend. You've done so much for me this year." I added.

"It's been my pleasure. I've known a few of the contestants over the years, but you're the first that I really consider a friend." Kristen replied.

It was nice to know that her friendship was genuine.

Laura and I headed over to Spencer's. I skipped the pie and just had the cappuccino. Laura had to use the bathroom, and while I was waiting for her, I saw today's paper on the table in front of me. I picked up the editorial section and started to read. I was hoping that the Rev was old news. But then I saw his latest attack. There was a letter from him stating that he'd be holding a rally to support Jason, during which he'd provide evidence that proved Jason's innocence. The rally would be held this coming weekend in the city park downtown.

When Laura returned, I showed her the article and asked to borrow her cell phone. I quickly dialed my number and after three rings I got Sam.

"Did you see today's paper?" I asked frantically.

"No, it's still on the kitchen table, what's wrong?" he asked.

I told him to go to the editorial page. I waited while he found the page.

"Okay, honey, I see it. I'll call Marlene and let her know. Don't worry about it. There's nothing that you can do right now anyway."

"I know. I'll be home soon," I replied.

Laura had me sit down and relax before we left. I was so angry.

"Why is this man so intent on interfering with my life? I know he says that he's only interested in freeing Jason, but only an idiot would miss the real point of his actions," I fumed. I was so furious.

"Hey, you aren't in this alone. If he hates you, you can imagine what he thinks of me or this coffeehouse for that matter," she commented.

"Thanks. I know that I have many people on my side, but this is so personal. I can't help but be angry." I tossed the paper on the table so hard that it knocked over my cup. It hit the floor and shattered into several pieces.

The sound of the cup hitting the floor drew a lot of attention our way. One thing about the regular crowd at Spencer's was that they knew that it was more than just a coffeehouse, it was a refuge. So when someone had an irrational display of emotion, people were interested in helping.

"Is everything okay, girls?" asked a large muscular man.

I was about to say yes, but Laura wasn't about to let me lie. "No, it isn't! Some over-righteous asshole is harassing my girlfriend!" she exclaimed. And I thought I was the angry one!

Laura explained to him what was going on and showed him the paper. He introduced himself as Ben and he seemed very concerned.

"I've been following this. Do you have anyone to organize your side?" asked Ben.

"Yes, her name is Marlene Hamilton," I replied.

He seemed impressed and he let out a low whistle. "Whoa! This must be serious for Marlene to get involved."

"You know her?" asked Laura

"Only by reputation. She's a good person to have on your side, kid," he remarked.

"Please call me Erika. And this is my girlfriend, Laura." I didn't even mind him calling me kid.

Laura smiled when I called her my girlfriend.

"Pleased to meet both of you. Would do me a favor? The next time you talk to Marlene, would you give her my number? I'm with the LGBT center on campus, and we'd love to help." He handed me a card.

"I will, thanks," I answered. I then stood up and we hugged.

I felt a bit better and Laura drove me home.

"At least he waited until the prom was over," I said, letting out a small laugh.

"He is making a huge mistake coming here," Laura stated, almost as if it was a threat.

"I feel better knowing you're on my side."

Laura couldn't stay for dinner, so we kissed and agreed to talk later in the evening.

Chapter One-Hundred-Eighty-Five

"It's me!" I said as I came in. I walked into the kitchen and sat down with Mom and Sam.

"How are you doing?" asked Mom.

"Good. I let out a little rage, and some poor coffee cup paid the price, but I feel better."

"I talked to Marlene - she'll be filing papers for a demonstration the same day as the Rev. He hasn't filed his papers yet with City Hall. Marlene said that they'll hold their rally with or without him. Since he played his hand first, any cancellation on his behalf will mean that he has lost. What little credibility he has will be gone."

I nodded. "I need to call Marlene." I showed Sam the card that Ben gave me, and explained how he wanted to get involved.

"Well, she is on her way here, so we'll have to wait until she calls us. You can always e-mail her the info," suggested Sam.

Sam grilled dinner but no one had much of an appetite. Marlene called a little after nine and we talked for a few minutes. She told me that she had called most of the contacts she'd made during her last trip, and most were very supportive of a counter rally to the Rev. I gave her Ben's number, and she said she'd call him in the morning. She warned me to expect more actions directed towards me, the school, and my friends.

"Whatever you do, don't lose your temper and retaliate; that's what they want you to do. I'll be filing a restraining order to keep him and his minions away from you. I don't know if it will be approved, but it's worth a try. He's already been ordered to stay away from the school. This may get rough, but we'll get through this."

I agreed not to do anything stupid. There was nothing I could do right now except wait and hope that our side would win.

Chapter One-Hundred-Eighty-Six

I tried to get into the post prom mood in school Monday, but I was too distracted by the thought of the Rev holding a rally against me in less than a week. I tried not to let it show. I was back to walking that tightrope of wanting to show everyone how strong I was and at the same time desiring help and comfort. What was also in my mind was that I'd failed twice in finding the right balance. Okay, maybe 'failed' was too harsh a term, but I was worried that I might really go over the edge the next time.

I knew I had a strong support group to get me through this. Mom and Sam were great. Laura and Cat were always there for me, along with many other students at Central. Of course I could depend on Ms. B, Mrs. Lee, and Coach Chambers. Jenny told me that I could call her anytime, and I had Marlene the Great running my official defense. Add to that Mrs. Lincoln, the college, and many residents of Golden Hill, and I should have felt very confident. But being just seventeen, I still had many worries. I also didn't want the very people supporting me to be hurt.

Still I think I did an Oscar-worthy performance Monday in school. I joined all the post prom conversations and acted like nothing abnormal was going on in my life, just like any other senior at Central.

I was called up to Mrs. Lee's office during third period. I arrived at the same time as Ms. B and Coach Chambers.

"Good Morning, Erika," greeted Ms. B.

I nodded. Coach put her hand on my shoulder and smiled. My emotions were running a bit high, and it was hard to talk without getting choked up. We then entered Mrs. Lee's office.

"Hello, Erika, I wanted to talk to you about the latest developments with the upcoming protest; please have a seat. I was just notified by Mr. Warren that the Reverend's group has filed the necessary paperwork for their rally. They claim the purpose is to protest a legal decision, but we all know the real reason," stated Mrs. Lee.

"Yes, Mrs. Lee."

"While the main effort of this group is directed at you, it's also an attack on all our contestants, this school, and our community. We plan to stand together in support. While officially the school cannot do anything, individual students and staff will be allowed to participate in the counter-rally being held by Ms. Hamilton. I also want you to know that I personally will be there to support you," reaffirmed Mrs. Lee.

"Erika, the scholarship committee can and will support you. We've prepared plans for such an event and are quite ready to defend you and the program," added Ms. B.

"I'll be at the rally with you too," smiled Coach.

"Thank you, all!" I was feeling very emotional and found it hard to speak. I was discovering that the hormones were loosening my emotions.

"I'll be speaking to all the contestants today and to the entire student body this afternoon on the PA. I'll inform the other contestants that we will support them and ask them to report any problems. I'll also address the entire student body to remind them about school district policy on demonstrations. I will not allow this group or ANY group to disrupt or bother any student on campus," said Mrs. Lee in a very forceful tone.

"I appreciate you telling me this in advance."

"If you have any questions or problems, please come see me immediately," stated Mrs. Lee.

I went back to class and tried to act like everything was okay.

At lunch Laura asked me how I was doing. I told her about my meeting with Mrs. Lee. Laura told me that the counter-rally was going to be huge, as she was telling everyone she knew about it. Cat and Kristen confirmed this fact. Granted, it was a holiday weekend and many people would be out of town, but I appreciated their support in putting the word out.

That afternoon Mrs. Lee made her announcement concerning school rules and outside groups. It made me feel better knowing that the Rev's group wouldn't be tolerated on campus.

I rode home with Cat and Laura. I was pleased to see everything was normal at home. Mom's car was in the driveway. It was a school night for her and she was getting ready for class. I said goodbye to Cat and kissed Laura goodbye and walked into the house.

Chapter One-Hundred-Eighty-Seven

I found Mom in the kitchen making her dinner to take to school.

"Hi, honey. Marlene called and wanted to let you know that they have a restraining order for the Rev and his followers to stay 100 yards away from our house."

"Good! Between here, school, and work I'll have some safe havens. I don't need a restraining order for Spencer's. They wouldn't dare show up there," I replied with a smile.

"She also warned us that they will probably try a few things between now and Saturday." She finished packing her meal. "You want a ride to work?"

"Sure, let me go get changed first!"

Mom dropped me off at the mall's main entrance. I watched her drive away, and I walked towards the double glass doors. As I approached, a woman walked up and asked me to sign her petition. I was caught off guard, as the mall usually didn't allow soliciting.

"We are gathering names in support of a new trial for Jason Martin. He is a local boy who was falsely convicted of a crime and now is wasting away in prison. I would also like you to have a bumper sticker." The bumper sticker said 'Free Jason'.

"He wasn't convicted; he confessed, and pled guilty, get your facts straight," I retorted, controlling the urge to seize her clipboard and throw it in the trash.

She stared at me and seemed to be at a loss for words. "Ummm.... Yes, that's what published, but we know that he was forced to sign the ummm ...confession." Apparently she wasn't used to a teenager contradicting her.

I didn't want to let her know who I was. "Well, whoever told you that was wrong!" I then walked in the mall. I immediately tracked down a security guard and told him what was going on at the entrance.

I walked to the other entrance and saw another supporter of the Rev also questioning shoppers. I was pleased to see the security car pull up next to the entrance and the guard begin to question the person. That made me feel very good.

I told Cindy what had happened and she could only shake her head in disbelief. Mel asked me if I wanted "Cliff and the boys" to go rough them up! Cindy gave her a real dirty look for that one. It was tempting to say yes, but that would only get Cliff in trouble.

"I want you to go tell Mrs. Lincoln this. I'm sure she'll find it very interesting," ordered Cindy.

Mrs. Lincoln immediately called the mall office and told them in no uncertain terms that she was upset and that they'd better ensure that this didn't happen again.

"By the way, dear, I heard you looked lovely at your prom," remarked Mrs. Lincoln.

"Thank you. I wish you could have seen me! I had a wonderful time and thank you for the day off on Sunday." I then left her office and changed for work.

Work was a nice distraction from my worries, and I was surprised at how fast closing time arrived. Cindy gave me a ride home.

"By the way, Erika, I'll be at the counter-rally on Saturday," stated Cindy.

"Thank you!"

I saw Marlene's office on wheels parked in the driveway. I said goodnight to Cindy and went inside.

"I'm home!" I announced.

Chapter One-Hundred-Eighty-Eight

"We're in the kitchen," said Sam.

I walked in to see the kitchen table covered with papers. Marlene was on the phone and she waved hi to me.

"You're home early," stated Sam, without looking up.

"No, I'm not. You've just lost track of time," I replied, pointing to the clock.

He glanced at his watch. "Whoa, it's almost 9:30!"

"I take it you haven't eaten."

Sam shook his head no.

"Well, I'll fix dinner. Why not something simple and easy to eat, so we don't have to clear the table? There is a table under there, right?"

Sam smiled and mouthed 'smart ass' to me.

"You feel like grilled cheese sandwiches and a mug of tomato soup?" I asked. That was always one of our favorite comfort foods.

"Sounds good," said Sam. I saw Marlene nodding yes.

I went to work preparing the sandwiches and the soup. Marlene hung up the phone and said hi. I told them about the incident at the mall.

"In the future, just walk by and don't talk to them. They might have someone there to photograph you and then will try to use it against us," warned Marlene.

"I hadn't thought of that." I put the first sandwich in the frying pan.

"It looks like we'll be getting a very good turnout on Saturday. I have confirmations from many civic and church groups that will be on our side," Marlene stated proudly.

The soup was ready and I poured it into mugs. I was also on my third sandwich. Timing is everything when cooking, you don't want to start the sandwiches too soon as they'll get cold before the soup is ready. Cold grilled cheese sandwiches are gross.

Marlene helped me bring the food to the table. We cleared enough space for our plates. Mom arrived in the middle of this and I gave her my sandwich and soup. It didn't take long to make another one and there was plenty of soup left.

"So, Erika, you saw bumper stickers?" asked Marlene.

"Yes, she said I could have one if I signed her petition." I took a bite of the sandwich, it was pretty good.

"Try not to overreact when you see them around town. I wouldn't be surprised if they went around and put them on cars themselves," explained Marlene.

"Can someone please tell me what difference there is to these people what gender I want to be? I am not harming them in any manner, so why the big effort to protest against me and the program?" I vented.

"That's the problem with these extreme groups, they see LGBT as a threat and a challenge to their belief system. If you are accepted as normal, then they'd be forced to examine their entire belief system. It's the same reason they protest evolution and equality for women. Don't forget that these sort of groups often support racist groups too. This entrenched sort of thinking is why we can get mainstream support for our counter-protests," Marlene explained.

"Sounds like you've given that speech before," I said.

She smiled. "Only a 'few' times."

"Marlene would you like to join us at Spencer's tomorrow afternoon? Laura and I always go there after my therapy session," I asked.

"I'd love to. What time?" she asked.

"6 o'clock."

After we finished eating, I cleared the plates to let them get back to work. I was really tired and said goodnight.

I went upstairs and called Laura and told her about my evening. She already knew about the bumper stickers, as she'd seen one driving home. She said not to worry about it. We talked for thirty minutes. Her confidence made me feel better.

Chapter One-Hundred-Eighty-Nine

I got up early on Tuesday. I wanted to see if there was anything new in the paper. There were three printed responses to the announcement of the Rev's rally. One was for our counter-rally by Marlene. She was calling it a 'Rally for Equality and Tolerance'. A second letter was also against the Rev and telling him to keep hate out of Golden Hill.

The third was from someone who felt that maybe the case should be looked at again. They listed several 'facts' about the case, none of which were true. First they wrote that maybe Jason didn't know my true sexuality. Right, he just forgot that I was a contestant and that he and his mother both attacked me earlier in the fall. Next, they said that the jury hadn't considered all the facts in the case. Hey, idiot, he pleaded guilty! Their last 'fact' was that Jason's lawyer didn't get a chance to fully cross-examine me. Oh, yes, Martin Turner was so easy on me and he only interrogated me a whole day! Nothing like building up a good rage at 6:45 in the morning!

I had to remember what Marlene said about keeping my cool. They wanted me to lose it and act irrational. Maybe Laura was right and I should call Tony the limo driver!

When we got to school, I saw the custodians scraping off some bumper stickers off the school sign. I saw that they were the 'Free Jason!' stickers. There was a very annoying juvenile pettiness about their tactics. I'd thought that people like that had better imaginations.

School was pretty normal most of the day. We did have our lunch meeting of the Fab Four. Lisa was worried about what was going on and seemed pretty depressed about our group getting publicity. I could see her point to a degree, but all she needed to say was that she was competing for a scholarship.

"You know, if the press asks you why you are still in, just say that the contest is like a reality TV show without the cameras," I quipped.

"Yes, and we don't have to eat something disgusting to win!" added Caroline.

"Are you forgetting about last Friday's lunch?" replied Denise.

We all laughed including Lisa.

"You know, I think that I can say that we aren't competing with each other anymore. It's clear that we'll all get a good deal if we last to graduation. So let's stick together, support each other, and get the scholarship together," suggested Denise.

"Sounds good to me," said Caroline.

"Denise is right. I'm not quitting, and I hope none of you do either," I added.

There was silence from Lisa.

"Come on, Lisa, you only have three weeks to go, you can do it," pleaded Denise.

"I don't know. I'm really worried about being humiliated by this religious nut," remarked Lisa.

"You want to get back at him? Then get the scholarship," stated Caroline.

I stayed out of the discussion. I didn't want to influence her one way or the other.

"Erika what's your take?" asked Lisa.

"It's your choice, but you're so close to winning a full four-year scholarship. I want you to be happy, but I also agree with Caroline. Either way, I'll support your decision. However, I'm the main target of these jerks."

"Aren't you worried that if I quit this Reverend will use that against you?" asked Lisa.

"To be honest? Yes, I am. But I don't want to see you suffer just to help me."

"I'm not really suffering. I'd love to finish the contest. I'm just worried about my parents. I don't want them to be hurt," explained Lisa.

"Have you talked to them about this?" I asked.

Lisa looked back at me and shook her head no.

"Talk to Ms. B, maybe she can arrange a discussion between you and your parents," suggested Caroline. "She did that for me, and now I at least talk with my father."

I knew that Caroline was still estranged from her father, but at least she was allowed back in the house. She'd decided to stay with her aunt, but she does go over for dinner every now and then.

"Do you think she'd be able to help me?" asked Lisa.

"Absolutely," I replied.

Listening to Lisa, I thought about the four of us. Caroline had found personal contentment but her family life was rocky, Lisa was filled with guilt, and my issues were well documented. It looked like Denise had the most stable year!

Ms. B came in late and she smiled knowingly at us. It was obvious that she'd been outside the room the whole time, but she had waited until we had our say.

She explained that there might be one more challenge left between now and graduation. Then she told us to report any harassment from the Rev or his group. She emphasized that there was a legal fund to handle situations just like this.

We left Ms. B alone with Lisa as we figured they needed to talk a little. From what I'd heard about Lisa's parents, I doubted that they were worried by the Rev or about being embarrassed by Lisa being in the contest. Still, Lisa was the one who had to see that.

I hoped the rest of the day would go by quickly as I really wanted to talk to Jenny. It was not to be. I was called out of sixth period by one of the campus supervisors.

"Mrs. Lee needs to see you," he announced, and he escorted me, not to her office, but in the direction of my locker.

I was confused at first, until I saw the reason. Someone had covered my locker with "Free Jason" bumper stickers. Mrs. Lee was standing there with Mrs. Roberts and Officer Tom Bell.

"When were you last at your locker, Erika?" asked Mrs. Lee.

"Right after lunch, on my way to American Lit." I stared at the stickers and felt a growing rage.

"Mrs. Roberts saw this right after sixth period started. I'm sure someone would have reported it earlier. The reason Officer Bell is here is that this is more than just simple vandalism. It's an act of intimidation, and I will not tolerate that in MY school!" stated Mrs. Lee angrily.

I was so glad she was on my side!

"Mrs. Lee, do you have any suspects?" asked Tom.

"I believe Mrs. Roberts can identify the suspects," informed Mrs. Lee.

"Two boys ran by me before I came around the corner. I told them to walk. I just assumed they were late for class. I don't know their names, but I saw them run into room 203. I can identify them."

Tom Bell, Mrs. Roberts, and the campus supervisor left to go get them. I stood there with Mrs. Lee.

"We'll have this cleaned up soon, Erika," she explained.

"I'm not worried about it. I'm angry that someone here did this," I answered. I was torn between anger and fear. What next?

We saw them returning with two boys. I didn't know them; judging by their size, I guessed that they were in 10th grade.

"We found these in their backpacks," said Tom. He held a stack of the bumper stickers.

"Did you do this?" demanded Mrs. Lee.

"Yes... but it was just a joke, we didn't mean anything by it," confessed the first kid. He was trembling slightly.

"Some guy gave us each $50.00 to do this. It was just a joke," repeated the second kid.

They were starting to realize that it was more serious than just a joke.

"Can you describe the man who paid you?" asked Tom.

"Yes, yes, we can," said the first kid, who looked like he was ready to start crying.

"You may go back to class, Erika. Please stop by my office after sixth period," ordered Mrs. Lee.

I nodded and glared at the two boys as I turned around and walked back to class.

After school I went to Mrs. Lee's office. She said that the boys had given a good description of the man and his truck. Tom told me that it was close to my description of the truck from a few weeks ago. Both boys had been suspended for a week for violating school rules and had been told to write me an apology. Additionally, they had to give the money to Tom. They also had to clean the stickers off my locker. I felt that was a fair punishment.

"So, they aren't going to be charged with anything?" I asked Tom.

"No. If I arrested everyone who was greedy and stupid, our jails would be full. We scared them pretty good, and they were both crying their eyes out. Their parents were really angry with them. I imagine they'll be grounded too. I doubt they'll do anything like this again. However, I'm looking forward to talking to the jerk that paid them."

"Jerk? Is that a legal term?" I asked with a smile.

"Yes, it's the term I use to describe someone I'd rather call nastier names when I'm around a juvenile, the daughter of the DA, or both," he replied with a big grin.

"They were suspended for violating the school honor code. I hope it sends a message to the rest of the school. I'll be making an announcement about it in the morning," added Mrs. Lee.

I left and Laura drove me over to Jenny's office.

Chapter One-Hundred-Ninety

"I can't imagine someone paying kids to do something like that. We're dealing with a real asshole," remarked Laura.

"I believe the legal term is 'jerk'." I explained, and we both started to laugh.

Jenny and I had a longer session than normal. She seemed pleased that I wasn't trying to cope all by myself. I told her I was really afraid of a repeat of my earlier episodes.

"That's a normal fear. But you now know your limitations, so I wouldn't worry. Just know that you can always call me if you need to. How are you doing with the hormones?"

"Well, I continue to check my growth," I said with a smile.

"That's nice, but what about your emotions?" asked Jenny.

I was silent for a moment. I'd felt some changes, but I'd figured that it was in my head. "I do find that I'm more emotional, or maybe the right term is that my emotions are looser. Does that make sense?" I asked.

"Yes, it does. It's perfectly normal and a part of the transition. Just be aware of it, especially with the added stress of the Rev and graduation. Don't let this newfound emotional 'loosening' get you into trouble," she explained with a big smile.

When we finished up she asked me if I was going to Spencer's.

"Yes, we're meeting Marlene Hamilton there," I said.

"Well, I may see you there later on. If not, tell Marlene that I said hi."

I was going to ask some stupid questions, but I figured they were too personal and skipped them. I was beginning to wonder if Jenny knew everyone!

I had my usual. There are some things that need to be traditions, and key lime pie and cappuccino at Spencer's was one of mine. Laura wasn't as strict; she had a slice of strawberry cheesecake and a cappuccino. Marlene had her own tradition, cappuccino and a biscotti.

We sat on the couch and talked. Marlene wasn't totally surprised by what had happened at school, but I could tell that she was pretty disgusted by the act.

"I think that paying a couple of kids to do your dirty work is more immoral than anything going on with the scholarship contest," remarked Marlene.

"What will it be like on Saturday?" I asked.

"That depends on them. It could become a rant against your being transgendered and against the scholarship program. These sorts of things often attract some real extremists. Don't be surprised if they end up protesting all sorts of things from gay marriages to abortion," explained Marlene.

"And this is all legal?" I asked.

"As long as they don't get disruptive or violent," stated Marlene.

"Do you think they'll try to disrupt our rally?" asked Laura.

"Well, they can try, but we'll be separated by the police and our own security. Additionally, we're pushing a positive message of inclusion. We'll try to make our rally a festival of equality and tolerance. Our goal is to ignore them and avoid any direct confrontation. If there are any problems, then they'll be the ones who start them." Marlene then pointed to a sign over on the bulletin board. "See, the word is already getting out about our rally!"

I looked over and saw the sign. There were several people looking at it.

"We'll have those signs up all over town by Saturday. I've arranged for several speakers to give speeches, including a local minister." The two of us just looked at her in stunned silence. "Don't look so surprised! I told you I am not anti-religion; I'm just against extremists, especially those who wrap themselves in scripture. I've contacted all the houses of worship and many are supportive, although only one is officially coming out on our side. The good thing is none are supporting the Rev."

"Who else is speaking?" asked Laura. She'd finished her cheesecake and was eyeing my key lime pie.

"Well, we have several civic and business leaders, and also several contestants from previous years," stated Marlene.

I pushed my plate over to Laura, I really wasn't hungry at the moment. "Are these contestants also TS?" I asked.

"One is, the others aren't. The goal is to show how the program has been a positive experience in their lives." She then excused herself to go get another cup of cappuccino.

"So what do you think?" asked Laura, she'd quickly finished off the rest of the key lime pie.

"It looks good. I wish that this wasn't happening, but I guess there comes a time when you have to make a stand," I remarked.

Marlene returned and sat back down. "Let's talk about your speech. I think you should say a few words."

"If I say what's on my mind, you might need to censor me," I joked, cracking a slight smile.

"Well, that's the reason why I want to go over it with you. You should focus on thanking everyone for their support and not directly attack the other group. Try to stick to the highroad."

"Okay, but it would be more fun to go on a Dennis Miller-like rant on the Rev."

Marlene smiled and took a sip of her cappuccino. "I'm still trying to figure out how a small town like this has such a good coffeehouse. I'm also handling all press requests for interviews. A reporter for the local paper would like to talk to you."

"Do you trust him?" I asked.

"Well, I trust HER," said Marlene with a smile. "I'll be there the whole time. She doesn't seem the type to do a hatchet job on you. I've already talked to Sam and your mom, and they say it's up to you."

"When would we do it?" I asked.

"Tomorrow after school," said Marlene.

"I have to help Coach Chambers after school, but I'll be free by 5:00. Is that okay?" I asked.

"Perfect, we can have dinner together," suggested Marlene.

Laura pointed out Coach Chambers and Jenny as they walked in. I waved to them and they waved back. Marlene looked over and smiled.

"You know them?" I asked, slightly surprised.

"Yes, I've known Jenny and Lori for years. We all met back in college," replied Marlene.

Jenny and Coach walked over and joined us. Marlene gave them each a big hug. They seemed really happy to see each other. They began to talk about old times. I excused myself and walked over to look at the poster. As I stood there, two women came up and joined me in reading the poster.

"I'm glad someone is standing up to that idiot, imagine picking on a defenseless high school girl," said the first.

"Do you consider the student a girl?" asked the second.

"Yes, why not?" replied the first.

"I thought he was just one of the contestants in that scholarship contest they sponsor over at Central High," said the second.

"SHE is a contestant, but she's also transsexual. I heard it from a friend whose sister goes to the school," said the first woman.

"So, it's not confirmed about him being TS, it could just be a rumor?" said the second.

"No, from what I heard the kid outed herself during a talk about her trial in front of a whole bunch of her classmates," said the first.

"Whoa! That's pretty brave. She sounds pretty cool," exclaimed the second.

"Thank you," I added. I just couldn't resist!

They both looked at me and were initially speechless. Then the first one broke out in a big smile. "Are you, Erika?"

"Yes, I am."

"Gee, I've seen you in here with your friend many times, and I never knew or suspected. I'm so sorry about what I said earlier," said the second woman.

"No need to apologize, just tell your friends about the rally Saturday!"

"We wouldn't miss it, hope to see you there!" stated the first.

I said goodbye and rejoined my group.

"What was all that about?" asked Laura.

"Just educating the masses!" I smiled and told them what happened.

"That's the way I want you to act on Saturday," explained Marlene. I could see that she was proud of me.

We talked about the rally for another hour. Marlene said that she'd pick me up at my house tomorrow evening. Laura and I said goodbye while we got up to leave. As we started out, everyone in Spencer's stood up and applauded. I guessed those two women passed the word about who I was. Their display of support was emotionally striking. I tried to say thanks, but my words were frozen inside. I just smiled, waved, and walked out with Laura.

"That was something," said Laura.

I was holding it all back, and I didn't want to look like an idiot as we walked back to the car. I let it out once we were in the car. The tears of joy ran down my face. Laura smiled and hugged me. I had the feeling that we really were going to win now.

Chapter One-Hundred-Ninety-One

Sandra informed me that she'd be in town for the rally and that she'd be one of the people speaking.

"I thought you weren't an activist?" I said with a slight laugh.

"I'm not, but I also told you that I will stand up to injustice," she replied.

I also told her about the initial incident with the two women in Spencer's.

"I was a little surprised that one was initially reluctant to accept me as a female."

"Well just because someone is gay or lesbian doesn't make them automatically understanding about transgendered issues. In fact, some in the LGB community don't like to be associated with us," explained Sandra.

"Why?" I asked.

"Some see us as gay men who can't accept that we're gay, so we change our gender to fit our sexuality. But for many it's just a lack of knowledge. Their main contact with transgendered people may have only been drag queens or performers. So they don't understand us. This rally could be a great stage for education for all people," explained Sandra.

Her comments were a real eye opener for me. I guess I'd been a little nave about everyone in the LGBT community getting along.

"How do you feel about doing the interview?" asked Sandra. "Marlene e- mailed me about it."

"I'm nervous. I'm worried that they'll take what I say out of context."

"Well, that's always a risk, but I think that this will be a great opportunity for you. Just be yourself and be honest, and you can disarm much of the Rev's ammunition."

"I hope so. So when are you getting into town?"

"Late Thursday evening. I'll be staying at my parent's house."

"We'll be at Spencer's Friday evening. Please come on by."

"Will you get an encore?" asked Sandra, laughing.

"So Marlene told you about that too? I have to admit that I was really moved by it."

"You should be. Well, Erika, I have to get going, I'll see you later this week."

"Good night, and have a safe trip!"

Chapter One-Hundred-Ninety-Two

At breakfast Sam told me that we'd gotten a call last night from one of the parents of the boys who vandalized my locker. "He was very apologetic and also very angry at the person who'd talked his son into doing it."

"Can the police do anything?" I asked. I was at the toaster waiting for my bagel to pop out.

"They're looking into it."

"When will I get my car?" I asked. My bagel was out and very hot. I dropped it on the plate and blew on my fingertips.

"We'll get it Monday." Sam snickered at my momentary discomfort.

"Cool. Thanks again for everything, Dad!"

I sat down next to him and spread some cream cheese on my bagel. I looked outside; everything was so green.

"You're welcome, hon."

Mom came in and grabbed a cup of coffee. Sam smiled at me and whispered, "You're next!"

"Never!" I replied. I then took a long sip of tea and let out a sigh.

"So, you feel comfortable about the interview?" asked Mom.

"A little nervous - well, maybe a lot nervous."

"You want me there with you?" asked Mom.

"Yes I'd like that! Thank you," I answered. I didn't see the need for false bravery by pretending that I wanted to do all this by myself.

I looked in the editorial section and the letters were for the most part either supporting me or against the Rev. There was one that supported the Rev and argued that the town had become too liberal and called for the return of old fashioned values.

Thankfully, a few of the letters saw through the faade of the 'Free Jason' movement and saw it was an attack on me for being transsexual. I didn't recognize the names of the writers, which in some ways made me happy. It was nice to know that strangers took the time to write in support of me!

School was fine on Wednesday. There was no repeat of the vandalism on Tuesday, and things were pretty normal. Many people were talking about the upcoming holiday weekend and the unofficial start of summer. I wished I could have been as preoccupied with trivial thoughts, like going on a vacation, choosing a swimsuit, etc. It truly was the calm before the storm.

Coach Chambers was focused on those who would be competing in the district track finals. This would be my last week of helping her. She took some time to let me know that she really appreciated my help. It had been fun and it had given me something to do as well as a sense of contributing to the team, even though I couldn't compete. My mind wasn't really on the track team that afternoon anyway, as I was thinking about the interview.

I rode home with Laura and we talked about the interview. "I wish you could be there!"

"Me too. Call me when you get home," stated Laura.

"I will," I replied. We kissed and I went inside to change.

I selected a khaki skirt and a blue blouse, and of course sandals. I didn't put on a lot of makeup, as I wanted the reporter to see my scar. Marlene had copies of the photos from right after the attack., along with my testimony, and victim's statement.

I was sitting downstairs reading when Mom came in with Marlene. They'd both arrived at the same time. Mom went up to change and Marlene joined me in the kitchen.

"Cheer up, Erika, you look like you're going to a funeral," remarked Marlene.

"You sure this is the right thing to do?" I asked.

"Yes, a good interview can defuse an issue like this very quickly," she stated.

"Okay. So, am I dressed properly? I've never been interviewed before."

"You look perfect!" I saw her look at my scar and nod in agreement.

Mom came down and we headed to the restaurant. Mom had suggested the diner near the courthouse, the same place where we'd eaten during the trial. It was really too up scale to be called a diner, but too normal to be called a bistro. I'm sure Mom selected it because I felt safe there. After all, many of the patrons were in law enforcement and the Rev would never dare set foot in there. Sam had told me that by virtue of the engagement, I was now seen as one of the greater law enforcement family and any threat against me would be taken rather personally.

Chapter One-Hundred-Ninety-Three

We arrived first and were given a booth way in the back. The reporter arrived a few minutes later. Cherri Olson looked very pleasant with blonde hair and blue eyes. I guessed she was in her late twenties.

After we all introduced ourselves she wanted to know about the attack, the trial, my recovery and my participation in the scholarship program.

"Of course I'd also like to ask you a few questions about your being transsexual," she stated.

"Sounds good," I replied.

"I promise that I'm not out to sensationalize your story."

She set out a tape recorder, explaining that she primarily wanted the recording to ensure the accuracy of any quotes she used. She promised to supply us with a copy of the tape.

I then described the events leading up to the attack. She said that she'd been unaware that Jason had attacked me earlier at the football game. Then I described the attack in detail. I did as I'd done in the trial l and visualized the attack. It was very emotional, but she wanted the whole story.

I stopped and gave her a chance to ask questions. She just sat there staring at me. "I had no idea that the attack was that brutal!"

"Here's a copy of the police report, with photos," interrupted Marlene, handing her a folder. "The photos are not for publication."

She opened it up and gasped silently when she saw the photos. She looked up at me and compared the photo to what I looked like today.

"Erica's going to have plastic surgery next month on the scar and her nose," added Marlene.

I then talked about my counseling, the trial, and my issues with post traumatic stress. I didn't leave out a thing. I could tell that Cherri was caught off guard by what I had been through.

"I'm still in counseling, by the way," I reiterated.

"How do you feel about Jason today?" asked Cherri.

"I hate what he did to me, and I'm happy he's in jail. I don't know if I really hate him personally, at times I still feel a lot of rage towards him. I can say that I have not forgiven him. I don't know if I ever will."

"I need to ask you now about your gender."

I spent another hour going over that part of my life and my progress. She interrupted several times for questions. It was obvious she had done some research on transsexualism, letting me know she was pleased that the scholarship program hadn't pushed me into anything, but had counseling resources available for assistance.

We finished a little after ten. I felt very good about the way I'd responded and I could see that Marlene was pleased. Mom had brought some copies of pictures of me that year, including one from homecoming. She didn't bring one of me as Eric.

"Do you have any questions or comments for me?" asked Cherri.

"It's more of a request. Please don't refer to me as boy dressed as a girl or use male pronouns. I'm a transsexual, and since I'm transitioning, I'd prefer that you use female pronouns when you write about me," I requested. "Also, as my English teacher has drilled into all of us this year, pronouns refer to perceived gender, not to sex."

"That's fair. I just want to say that I didn't know what to expect this evening when I came here. I guess I thought I'd see a boy in a dress. I was mistaken, you're a lovely young woman, Erika, and I wish you the best in your journey towards becoming whole."

She told us that the article would be in Friday's paper and she'd e- mail us a copy as soon as she was done. Marlene gave her some more documents from the trial.

"Well, if you'll excuse me, I need to get started on this story. It's been a pleasure meeting all of you, and especially you, Erika," stated Cherri.

We said goodbye and watched her leave. I looked over at Marlene. "How did I do?"

"I think you really wowed her I'm very pleased and I think she'll write a very supportive article."

"I was definitely wowed," added Mom.

I was mentally exhausted by the interview, and I was happy to get home and go to bed. I did call Laura and Cat and told them that it had gone well with a promise to tell them more in the morning.

Chapter One-Hundred-Ninety-Four

When I got home from school on Thursday I found a copy of the article in my e-mail. I read through it and was very pleased. It was a very sympathetic view of everything I'd been through and disputed virtually every point the Rev and his group had raised. She even got the pronouns right! I emailed her back and thanked her and asked if she'd send me an autographed copy of the published article.

I jump ahead to Friday now. I got up early and found that Cherri's article about me was on the first page of the local section. It was virtually identical to the copy that Cherri had sent me. There's something pretty cool about seeing your name in the paper - at least when you're treated fairly and favorably.

There was also an article with an interview with the Rev about his reasons for the rally. He stated that he was just interested in justice and he wanted Jason to get a new trial. The Rev said that he thought the defense lawyer had done a poor job in cross-examining me and the other witnesses. He claimed that there were witnesses that could place Jason and I together many times. However, he didn't say who they were. He also went into a rant about my deceiving Jason about my true gender and that only when Jason thought he might get AIDS from me he did get violent. That was a new approach!

The Rev went on saying that Jason was the real victim. He then went on a rant about how the school was transforming males into girls for immoral reasons and that the school needed a change in leadership. The reporter asked what he meant by that and he said that all you had to do was look at the principal to see why things were so bad at the school. He stated that the school needed a man in charge and not a minority woman. He went on to describe how the contest had damaged the very moral fiber of normal society in town. It went on and on. He was a very disturbing person. I wished that his followers could see that.

"So, anything good in the paper?" asked Sam.

I had been so intent in my reading that I'd never heard him come downstairs.

"I used to think that the Rev was just a little nuts, but after reading his interview he is downright disturbing," I said, as I handed the article to Sam. There was also a photo of the Rev next to the article. "He even looks like a wacko."

Sam stood there and began to read the article. "Yes, this is very interesting. Are you done with it?" he asked.

"Sure, I'll get another copy on the way to school."

I watched as Sam read the article and looked at the picture very intently. I had seen him do this only when he was working on a case. "What's up?" I asked.

"I need to check something out," he stated. He immediately got up and put the article in his briefcase and gave me a hug. "Tell Jill I had to go in early. See you later."

I watched Sam leave and drive off to his office. Mom came down a few minutes later and I told her about Sam's behavior. "Well, I'm sure he'll tell us about it later. So was your article good?" she asked.

"The article was really good. However, they used my class photo and one from right after the trial. I'd have preferred that they used my homecoming photo."

"I can't wait to read it. I guess I'll have to stop and buy a few copies on the way to work."

I wondered what had caused Sam to run off so early. I finished getting ready for school. I knew that the next twenty-four hours would be very eventful.

Chapter One-Hundred-Ninety-Five

At least my drive to school was normal. I rode to school with Cat and Laura. We did make one deviation and stopped to get some copies of the paper. The guy at the counter of the store said that he'd never seen so many kids buy the paper before. I bought three copies just for myself.

We arrived at school and parked in our usual area. I grabbed the local section from one of the papers and left the rest. Cat and Laura each had their own copies.

"I can't believe he declared war on Mrs. Lee! He has no idea what he is doing!" stated Laura.

"I can't believe this guy gave such a bad interview. For a guy who craves media attention, he's certainly very inept around the press," added Cat.

"True, but maybe his crowd doesn't read the paper anyway," I added.

"Maybe they can't even read," joked Laura.

I looked ahead and saw many people wearing what looked like buttons in the school's colors. The background was silver and the lettering was red. Some had the circle with the line across over the word hate, others had it over bigotry. But the ones that really caught my eye just had the two capital letters EW on them. I turned around and saw Cat and Laura had put them on while I was walking ahead of them.

I stood there and smiled at them. "So, who organized this?"

"We had a little meeting this week. Paul suggested the idea for buttons and Rachael came up with using your initials, like she and the football team did. Kristen suggested the others with the no sign over the words. I'd like to take credit for organizing the meeting, but it was a popular uprising and it really didn't need someone to organize it," stated Laura.

"She's lying, Erika. Laura began calling around to everyone Sunday evening after she found out about the Rev's rally," confessed Cat. Laura gave her a dirty look and Cat responded by sticking out her tongue at Laura.

"Well, I'm very grateful." I gave them both a big hug, "So, do I get one?"

"Here," said Cat; she handed me a no hate button. I attached it to the front of my dress.

"Thank you very much!" I wore it like a medal.

It was pretty cool walking in and seeing so many students wearing the buttons. "They're all wearing them voluntarily? The football team didn't threaten or anything?" I asked jokingly.

"That depends on your definition of the term threaten!" quipped Cat. "It's all their decision to wear them."

When we got into homeroom I went up and hugged Paul. He initially acted as if he didn't know what I was talking about.

"Sorry, Paul, you were informed on. I truly appreciate your support." I gave him a big hug.

"That's what friends are for," he said. "Besides, I need to work on being an activist if I'm going to be a journalism major!"

The rally was fast becoming the main topic in our class. The articles were also a big topic. I got a lot of positive feedback from my friends and from a lot of other students. A few had me sign my name next to the article.

The interesting thing was the reaction of the juniors and sophomores, many of them offered their support to me. I guess they saw this as an attack on the school and the town, and therefore as an attack on themselves. Whatever the reasons I was pleased to have so much support.

We talked about this at lunch. Kristen agreed that the Rev's attacks had become very personal to many students.

"For many students this isn't either an anti-transsexual issue or an anti-gay issue, it's an attack on our town and school. I think his article will drive even more people into our camp," explained Kristen.

"Good point. By the way thank you for your support," I pointed to her button.

She just smiled and shrugged her shoulders. "You wouldn't believe the rejected ideas we had. Alex suggested that everyone crossdress today. We might have done that if we'd had more time to organize it!" smiled Kristen. "I'd have loved to have seen Alex in a skirt."

We all started laughing. It felt good to be joking with friends.

"You know maybe the town could make this an annual event?" suggested Tracey. "An diversity / equality / tolerance festival would be a nice legacy of this event."

Everyone just sat there and thought about Tracey's idea. It was a grand idea.

"I'll write up a petition and we can have people sign it at the rally tomorrow," volunteered Cat. "I'll get Ms. B's input too."

I thought about Mrs. Fuller, the woman from the scholarship committee, and her comments that our class was being the one that began to achieve the goals set by its founder. Maybe this was part of what she'd meant - that the school and the town have rallied to protect their values of equality and diversity. I hoped that this incident would only strengthen the scholarship program.

Chapter One-Hundred-Ninety-Six

The rest of school blew by and soon we were dismissed. We went back to my house and checked in with Marlene.

"I may be a little delayed getting to the coffeehouse tonight, someone slashed all my tires this afternoon. They also vandalized my Darwin fish! As Bugs Bunny often said 'Of course you realize that this means war!'" she quipped.

I laughed at her joke and I felt slightly sorry for the person who'd made Marlene's enemy list. "Did anyone see who did it?" I asked.

"No, it happened while I was in a meeting organizing the rally. I should have the new tires installed soon. Thankfully my organization insures my rolling office for such an emergency. By the way, your article is getting many compliments, especially compared to the Rev's interview."

"I appreciate the compliments, but a kid in kindergarten could give a better interview than the Rev did. Is he really that dumb or is he crazy like a fox?"

"I'm not sure. I haven't met him personally. But judging by his actions, I'd say that he isn't very intelligent. The really strange thing is that no one seems to know this guy. I've called all around the country, and it's like he just appeared out of nowhere. Well, I'll be there sometime this afternoon."

"Sounds great and sorry about your Darwin fish!"

"It wasn't the first one I've lost, and it won't be the last."

I hung up and could tell that Cat and Laura were a little confused about what I'd been talking to Marlene about. I explained what had happened.

Cat shook her head. "I have to give the Rev credit, he and his group must certainly feel very confident by the fact that they're declaring war on so many people at once."

"Yes but it does make him more dangerous, he might resort to something really violent. So you want to join us at Spencer's?"

"Sure sounds great," said Cat. "I'd love to hang out with the target!"

Bad humor again broke the tension.

We walked around the campus area before we went into Spencer's. We saw many signs up for the rally. There were a few 'Free Jason' stickers on some of the signs. Some of these were in turn vandalized, and a few had graffiti written on them. The funniest one said 'Free Jason with every 8 gallons of gas!'

Chapter One-Hundred-Ninety-Seven

As we reached Spencer's we saw Marlene getting out of a cab. "Hi, girls," she greeted us.

"Your car still being fixed?" I asked.

"They only had three replacement tires, so it's in the shop tonight. Just as well, since it's probably safer there. I also just got a call from Sandra and she said that she can't make it tonight, but she'll see you in the morning."

"How do you know Sandra?" I asked.

"Nancy Bell had her call me. I've talked to her many times, and she's also one of the speakers tomorrow," replied Marlene. "I'm very impressed with her."

We walked in and ordered our coffee and goodies. I went for the key lime pie, Cat had raspberry cheesecake, and Laura had the cherry cheesecake. Marlene just shook her head at us and ordered biscotti.

"How can you eat those really sweet desserts?" asked Marlene.

"Lots of running," I replied.

"Aerobics and yoga," Cat smiled.

"High metabolism," laughed Laura.

"Enjoy it while you can. By the way, I like the buttons, whose idea was that?"

"It was a group effort," admitted Cat. "Would you like some?"

Marlene nodded and Cat passed her a couple.

"Cat is also working on a petition to turn this rally into an annual diversity / equality / tolerance festival," announced Laura.

"That's a wonderful idea. You know that I have seen such good come out these sort of things," exclaimed Marlene. "Oh, you'll find this interesting. While I haven't found out a lot about the Rev's past, I have found that he and his group have been very active raising money around here. Although their fundraising tactics sound a little like mob strong-arm tactics. They often threaten to protest in front of stores unless they get their donation."

"Has anyone called the police on them yet?" I asked.

"No. They just don't want to be 'bothered'," explained Marlene, emphasizing bothered with her fingers.

"This is getting stranger all the time," added Cat.

I gave Marlene a copy of the short speech that I planned to give to at the festival. As she read it, I watched her reaction.

"This is good. I'm glad you are sticking with the positive aspects of our gathering tomorrow and not using it as an attack on the Rev," complimented Marlene.

"So what's the schedule for tomorrow?" I asked.

Marlene went over the schedule of speakers. She wanted to keep the speeches light, short, and positive. "Let the Rev's group rant and rave, we'll benefit by contrast to them. I also want people to have a chance to talk and meet each other," said Marlene.

"Will there be a stage or something like that?" asked Cat.

"Yes, we have one being assembled right now in our section of the park. We'll also have two security guards there to protect it overnight," stated Marlene.

"Is that really necessary?" asked Laura.

"Unfortunately, yes. If we leave it alone it's too tempting a target for vandalism," explained Marlene.

"This whole thing sounds pretty expensive," noted Cat.

"Yes, it is, but we're getting some things donated and the scholarship defense fund is contributing a lot. Fighting injustice isn't cheap. We've also received a few private donations from anonymous donors. We save money by keeping our salaries low!" she quipped.

I wondered if Mrs. Lincoln was one of the anonymous donors. It seemed like something she would do.

I went up to get a refill of my cappuccino. The guy behind the counter asked me about my button and whether it was connected to the rally downtown tomorrow.

"Yes, it is. You want one?" I asked.

"Sure, if you've got a bunch, you can put them in this bowl and I'll set it next to the tip jar," he offered.

I waved to Cat and she brought up the bag of buttons that Paul had given her. He put one of the EW buttons on his shirt.

"Thanks, so are you girls involved in the rally?" he asked.

"You could say that," replied Cat.

"Well, I'll be there tomorrow. I think it's great to see high school kids getting involved in social issues," he stated.

We walked back to the couch. Marlene smiled. "Let me know the cost for those buttons. My group will pay for them. I wish I'd known you were making them; we could have made a lot more."

Marlene asked if we could give her a ride back to her hotel. As we walked out, we saw many patrons wearing the buttons.

"So, will you need a ride to the rally in the morning?" asked Laura.

"No, some coworkers are arriving tonight, and I'll ride over with them. I'd like you there by 9:00 tomorrow, Erika. The rally won't start until noon, but I have some things I want to go over with you."

"So what should I wear tomorrow? I've never been to a rally like this before," I asked.

"Be yourself, dress for comfort, but don't give anyone reason to doubt you're a woman either," suggested Marlene.

Chapter One-Hundred-Ninety-Eight

We dropped her off at the hotel and then headed over to Laura's house.

Laura's cell phone rang and she answered it. The call was from Kristen, and she was calling to tell us that Alex's family was throwing a big party at their house on Monday and she wanted us to invite our families too. Kristen figured if she got one of us, she'd get the other two Musketeers!

"So we're the Three Musketeers now?" I asked, with a laugh.

"I kind of like it," replied Cat.

"Photo time!" announced Laura. She was standing there with her digital camera.

Cat turned to me and smiled. "I think she just likes looking at your boobs."

"That's part of it, but I want to keep up the documentation of growth," stated Laura.

I was taking off my top and bra. "You make it sound like you're recording the building of a national monument."

"Plural, monuments; there are two of them," corrected Cat.

I threw my t-shirt at her.

"I think you've had a growth spurt," noted Laura.

"You think so?" I asked looking down at them.

"Absolutely," added Laura.

They were getting bigger. They were now noticeable and my nipples were getting more sensitive all the time.

"If they keep growing like that, you can get rid of those boob pads soon," stated Laura.

She downloaded the photo from the camera and compared it to the first one. There was definitely a change. I was pretty excited about it.

I got dressed and we sat and talked about the rally in the morning.

"So, how are you going down there tomorrow?" asked Laura.

"Sam is taking me there, you want to ride down with us?" I asked.

Both Cat and Laura said yes, and I made sure they knew to be at my house early. I looked at the clock and saw that it was almost 10:30.

"I've got an idea. Let's go get some coffee and doughnuts and take them down to the security guards at the park!" I suggested.

"That sounds like fun, then we can see the stage too," agreed Laura.

We stopped at a 24-hour doughnut shop near the park. We bought a dozen doughnuts and got two large coffees, along with several sugar bags and creamer containers. Once at the park, we saw the stage with a small camper parked next to it. There was one uniformed security guard walking the perimeter. The other one must have been in the camper.

We got out and walked towards the security guard. He looked at us with suspicion until he recognized Laura.

"Laura, what are you doing out this late? Don't tell me you're involved with the rally?" he asked with a big smile on his face. He was a big man and looked to be in his early twenties.

Laura nodded yes. "We brought you guys a treat." Laura showing him the box. Of course the box was pink, being that is the international color for doughnut boxes, "These are my friends, Cat and Erika."

"Hi, I'm Laura's cousin Dave." He took the box and opened it up, "Hmmmm... doughnuts!" in his best Homer Simpson voice.

We all laughed. He picked up his radio and called his partner. Cat then handed him the coffee.

"This is an unexpected treat, so are you all involved in this event?"

"Yes, in fact Erika here is the guest of honor tomorrow," stated Laura.

"Of course! I thought you looked familiar, I read the article in the paper today. I want to wish you good luck tomorrow. So you are friends with Laura?"

"Yes you could say that," I said. I cracked a sly smile. Laura then put her arm around my waist.

He looked at the two of us and smiled. "You two make a nice couple! I take it the folks are doing better with accepting you?"

"Much better, thanks," replied Laura.

The other guard came up and gladly accepted the coffee. His name was Bernie.

"Thanks a lot! We don't get relieved until two," Bernie thanked us. He reached into the box for a doughnut.

We didn't want to bother them too long, so we said goodbye and left.

"So, tell us about Dave," I asked.

"He goes to Dewey and is a communication major. I knew he worked security part-time, but I didn't expect to see him here," stated Laura.

"Obviously he knows you're a lesbian; when did you tell him?" I asked.

"We've always been close, and he was my role model as he came out to his family when he graduated high school. I was impressed by the way he handled everything. He was the first person I told," Laura reminisced.

I could sense that he meant a lot to her.

"Well, I know that the stage will be well guarded tonight," I stated confidently.

Chapter One-Hundred-Ninety-Nine

I had a restless sleep, more out of excitement than fear, although I was somewhat anxious. I thought about how much my life had changed in the past year. A year ago I'd been stressing out about moving to some little town in Pennsylvania, and now I was living fulltime as a girl and was about to take on a religious wacko.

I did manage some sleep, but I was up at 5:30. I decided I needed a run and I changed into my shorts, sports bra, t-shirt and shoes. I was doing my stretches when I heard a knocking at my door.

"I'm up, come on in!" I was sitting on the floor stretching out my legs.

Sam popped his head inside. "Good, I was hoping you'd be up early. I thought you'd be going for a run. You want some company?"

"Sure. You think you can keep up?" I said with a laugh. Actually, I knew that Sam was in pretty good shape. Mom said that he often went for runs during his lunch break.

"I'll try," he replied.

We started out and headed towards the school. We kept a nice pace so we could talk.

"How're you feeling about today?" he asked.

"Not too bad. I'll be glad when it's over though."

"It'll be over today." There was a sense of finality in his voice.

I knew something was up, but I also knew he wouldn't be telling me right now. We continued on our pace. It was warm and pleasant. There were a few other runners out that morning, including a few with their dogs.

We made the turn and headed down the long road that headed out of town.

"So how long is this route?" asked Sam.

"Only six miles," I answered. I looked over and saw that he was barely breathing hard.

"Oh, okay. Nothing too hard then."

"You really think that it will be over today?" I asked.

"Yes, I do." He turned and smiled at me.

So much for getting him to give out any information; I guessed I'd have to wait until later to know what he was working on.

We made the turn back towards our neighborhood. As we passed the wooded area, there were several does and fawns on the edge of the woods. I pointed them out to Sam.

"Look, it's Bambi!"

"Venison," he answered.

I punched him in the arm for that comment. "So do you hunt?" I asked.

"No. I've had plenty of offers to go since I moved here, but it's never interested me. I like venison, but I don't see the fun in freezing my butt off in a deer stand all day to get some. Besides, I get plenty of venison from friends. I'll make you some Bambi chili this fall."

"You're awful." I was really enjoying this run.

We made our way down our street and reached our driveway. We were both sweaty and feeling very good. As I did my cool down period, I walked around the yard. I noticed something on the side of the house. I walked over and saw a big bush in a pot. Sam walked up and told me that Mom had picked it up yesterday and wanted to plant it in the spot where Jason attacked me.

"So when will we plant it?" I asked.

"How 'bout Monday morning?" said Sam.

"Sounds good. By the way, you and Mom are invited over to a party Monday." I went on to tell him about Alex's parents' invitation.

"That sounds like fun. I've met Alex's father a few times, always seemed like a nice guy," noted Sam.

I went in to shower and change. Mom was up and reading the paper in the kitchen. I yelled good morning to her on my way up the stairs. I took a nice long hot shower. The sensation of the water felt very good on my nipples and that made the shower last even longer.

I decided to wear a long, dark green cotton skirt, a lighter green sleeveless top and my sandals. I just knew I looked pretty! Mom made scrambled eggs for breakfast which really hit the spot.

I looked in the paper and saw that they already had responses to the articles in yesterday's paper. They were all e-mail responses. The comments about my article were mostly favorable. A few felt I was too young to transition. One person thought that I should have been required to get more counseling before being allowed to transition, but that was the closest thing to a negative comment.

The same couldn't be said for the Rev's interview. The negative ones accused him of being a homophobe. Another attacked him for his comments about Mrs. Lee. The author felt he was making a racist/sexist attack on her. A few others thought he was just plain nuts.

However, he did have his supporters. One blessed him for having the strength to tell the truth. Another called for an investigation of the school and recommended appealing Jason's case to the Supreme Court. I seriously doubted that these people would listen to a logical discussion.

I then noticed a rebuttal to Tuesday's letter concerning the trial. The letter refuted each point that the writer had made. They even included quotes from the trial. I then saw who wrote it - Cat and Laura. There was a note from the editor stating that the letter was signed by what appeared to be the entire senior class of Central High. I immediately felt my eyes tearing up.

Soon it was time to head over to the rally. Cat and Laura arrived and joined us in the car. I hugged and thanked them for the letter.

As we headed towards the park, I had the same feeling that I experienced just before a cross-country meet.

Chapter Two-Hundred

Marlene met us at the park. Sam took the car and drove it into the secure parking area behind the stage. A security guard directed us to a parking spot. The stage was all decorated with streamers and balloons. I looked down the street and could see the opposition. In some ways this was like those old Civil War battles as we were close enough to hear and see the enemy forces preparing.

Once Sam joined us, Marlene gave us a tour of the site. There was fence running up from the river to the road to keep us separated. I also noticed a lot of police around. Behind the stage was an RV that would act as our headquarters. As we walked around we could hear them testing the PA system. In front of the stage was a gentle hill. The stage was set up perfectly to take advantage of this natural amphitheater. At the top of the hill was an area set up with the porta-potties and a first aid station. I was also surprised to see vendors setting up food and drink trailers. I asked Marlene about them.

"Actually they showed up on their own. But I don't mind as it makes it seem even more like a festival. Besides, we're only allowing food and drink sales," said Marlene.

"Are there any down at the Rev's camp?" I asked.

"He wouldn't allow it, as it would compete with his group. Apparently his followers sell food and drink to the crowds and the Rev keeps the revenue," informed Marlene.

We walked back to the stage area. In addition to the RV, there was an area behind the stage with chairs and tables. Marlene wanted to go over the schedule of events with all the speakers. She hoped that most of the speakers would be here soon. I looked over the list and it was impressive. Marlene was the mistress of ceremonies and she would introduce the speakers. The mayor was going to open up the event, followed by Mrs. Lee, the president of Dewey College, and then a local minister. After he spoke there would be several speakers talking about how the scholarship program had had a positive effect on their lives. These included previous contestants including Sandra. Then there would be a few more civic and business leaders. I would be the last speaker. Marlene wanted to keep it moving quickly and avoid dead time. Additionally she insisted that the speeches stay short.

She said that she'd also coordinate any interview requests. Marlene had sent out a press release and she expected us to get some TV coverage. I was very impressed by Marlene's organization. They seemed to have everything covered. She even had someone watching the Rev's group and giving us updates on what they were doing.

Around 11:00 people began to arrive. Some brought blankets and spread them out on the grass. I watched from the stage. I saw many friends from school and I waved to them. To keep the atmosphere in a festive mood, the sound engineer put some music on the PA system. Looking out from the stage it looked more like a concert crowd than a social rally. There were even some beach balls bouncing through the people on the lawn.

"So, what do you think?" asked Marlene.

"I wasn't sure that anyone would show up. What sort of crowd is the Rev getting?" I asked.

"The last word I got he had around 50 people there," said Marlene, "His rally is due to start at noon, just like ours, so he still has around 45 minutes to get a bigger crowd."

"What do you think our numbers are?" I asked.

"I'd estimate almost 800 right now, but I expect that to at least double before we start. It's hard to say, being this is a holiday weekend."

"Wow!" I exclaimed. "Just in case I forget later on, I want to thank you for everything you've done for me."

"You're welcome. It's been great working with you," she smiled.

We walked back to the rest area and sat down. I looked over my speech and prayed that I wouldn't mess it up!

Chapter Two-Hundred-One

By the time the event was ready to start, Marlene guessed that the crowd was almost 1,500 people. She told me that maybe 200 people were down at the Rev's group, and many of them were there out of curiosity.

Marlene went up on the stage and welcomed everyone to the rally. She thanked them all for taking time out of their busy weekend to come down and show that hate and intolerance have no place in Golden Hill. She was getting a good response from the crowd. She then introduced the mayor and he started his little speech. I really didn't pay that much attention to his speech, as I was distracted by Sam's actions. He was talking to Officer Tom Bell and two men in suits. I had no idea who they were, but they really looked out of place. Sam then got in the police car with Tom and the two guys in the suits and they drove away. They were followed by two more squad cars. The mystery deepened!

Mrs. Lee was up next, and she spoke on all the good things that happened at Central High and how the scholarship program was part of it. She gave quite a passionate speech and asked the community to continue to support the school and the program.

The minister who spoke said that while we don't have to agree with everyone's ideas, we do need to be tolerant of differences. He said that hate and intimidation were not family values. He also vented a bit on hate mongers who wrap themselves falsely around the bible to get followers. That got a lot of applause and cheering.

Sandra led a group of previous contestants up on stage. She talked about how the program had given her a chance to come out and live the life she was meant to. The other three were all guys who had won the scholarship in previous years. All were regular heterosexual guys. Two were married and one was in the military. They all talked about how the program taught them tolerance, acceptance, and an ability to look at things from more than one view. Additionally they said that without the scholarship they wouldn't have gone to college. They all got lots of applause.

The next group up were the business leaders. I was caught slightly off guard by seeing Mrs. Lincoln lead them up onto the stage. I hadn't seen her name on the list, and to be honest, I didn't even see her arrive. She gave a very eloquent speech on how the town had changed for the better in the past eighteen years. She went on to say that it would be ridiculous for us to step backward just because of a few bigots and fanatics. The cheering was very loud after her speech. The next person had to wait until it was quiet enough to start talking again. I was very proud of her and I went over and gave her a big hug.

"Thank you so much."

"You are quite welcome, my dear. The nerve of that man coming in here and harassing one of my girls."

I was about to walk back up on stage when I heard police sirens in the direction of the Rev's rally. I looked over that way, but couldn't make out what was happening. I sat down behind the stage and waited for my turn to speak. Mom came over and sat next to me.

"Where did Sam go?" I asked.

"He said he had some urgent business to attend to," explained Mom. "I have no idea either!"

"Who were those two guys in the suits?" I asked.

"No idea, but Sam seemed to be expecting them," answered Mom.

I took a drink from my water bottle. I looked around, but didn't see Cat or Laura.

"If you're looking for your friends, they're working the crowd collecting signatures for their petition to make this an annual event. I think Terri and several more of your friends are helping them," explained Mom.

I got a bit choked up thinking about what good friends I had here. I looked up at the stage and saw Marlene waving me up. I got up and Mom gave me a hug and I walked up to the stage. The steps suddenly looked like mountains, but I was able to make it up them. I stood next to Marlene as the last speaker finished up her speech.

When she was done, Marlene went up to the microphone and made a short introduction. I tried to act calm as I walked out to meet Marlene. I was blown away by the applause and cheering that greeted me. It was very heartwarming as I felt their support. I had to wait until they calmed down before I began to talk.

"I want to thank all of you for coming out here today. It means so much to see so many people out here to stand up against hate. It's very frightening to know that you have been singled out for harassment for something beyond your control. So I really appreciate that you could see through that lies of this small group of misguided people who have selected me as the focal point for their intolerance. We all know that this gathering has nothing to do with the assault on me or the trial of my attacker. It's all about tolerance, acceptance, and equality for everyone."

I paused for a second and caught my breath. I waited until the clapping stopped.

"Thanks to the trial and the events of the past few weeks, my life has been made very public, so there is no need for me to tell you my story. Yes, I am a transsexual. No, the scholarship program didn't convert me, I was born this way."

I had to pause again due to clapping.

"I am not doing this to make a point or to shock anyone; all I want to do is to feel whole and complete. Gender is something that most of us just accept as a given; that if a person is born in one gender then that's the way they should live their life. But as you can see, it isn't always so simple. However, I really do appreciate that you all came out and are here today to support the school, the town, and me... even if you do not agree with my personal decision to transition."

I took a drink of water and continued.

"I think that we can get along even if we don't agree about everything. I think that the very fact that we have so many people here today proves that. Thank you all, and have a wonderful day!"

I felt Marlene's hand on my shoulder and we stood there as people clapped and cheered. I looked around and waved to friends in the crowd. I glanced over at the side of the stage and saw Sam being talked to by a TV reporter.

I was about to walk off the stage, but Marlene asked me to stay with her. When the noise decreased, Marlene made one last announcement. Actually it was more like a request.

"There are petitions going around the crowds to make this an annual event. Imagine a yearly festival to celebrate diversity in the individual and to show that society doesn't just survive diversity but thrives and grows! So please sign them," she asked. "Before you leave, take the time to talk to the people around you. Look around and try to meet at least one or two new people. You need to take the ideals of this rally and apply them to your everyday lives. Thank you all again, and have a great weekend."

Chapter Two-Hundred-Two

With that the official part of the rally was over. We watched as people began to greet each other and talk. We walked off the stage and I was immediately met by Mom who gave me a long hug. That was just the first of many hugs and kisses from friends. Laura threw in a long kiss too! Marlene told me that there were several interviews set up for me. I guessed this was my fifteen minutes of fame and willingly became a media star!

During the last interview, the TV reporter asked me what I thought about the arrest of the Rev. I was shocked and said that I knew nothing about that. The camera was turned off and the reporter told me that the FBI had just arrested the Rev on several outstanding warrants. I was stunned and couldn't help but smile about it.

After she left I was able to track down Sam. I walked over and he gave me a huge hug.

"So, can you tell me now what happened?" I asked.

"First off, you were wonderful up there, I'm so proud of you," beamed Sam. "When I saw the photo of him and read the article, something in my mind clicked. I went in and check the computers. There was something familiar about him from when I was on the Philly PD."

"What did he do?" I asked.

"He was into armed robbery then. I never arrested him, but I remembered his case. He moved away from that kind of crime and he was wanted for a variety of scams and financial fraud. He was wanted in six different states. I figured the Feds would want him first, as he had also violated several federal laws," Sam explained.

"So, everything he did was all a scam?" I asked.

"No, he really is a religious nut; he got his mail-order divinity degree during his first stay in prison. Since then he has used it as part of his criminal activities. He felt that he was doing God's work by robbing and stealing from people. His interview answers are what really tipped me off. I remember the other guys talking about his rants during his trial and something sounded familiar. Several of his followers also had outstanding warrants for a variety of offenses. They're sitting in our jail awaiting their rides," continued Sam.

"Okay, why would a wanted felon seek publicity? It doesn't make sense!"

"The man has a huge ego. I think he thought that we were a small town, far from any big media center, and that no one would know who he was. He was wrong," said Sam with a big smile on his face.

I could see a sense of satisfaction on his face.

"You miss it, don't you?" I asked.

"You mean making arrests? Yes, I do a little. I love being a prosecutor and putting them away, but there is a certain sense of accomplishment when you arrest someone like the Rev," explained Sam.

"Thank you again, Dad!" I exclaimed. We hugged again, and then I went out in the crowd with Cat and Laura.

Cat showed me a big stack of petitions - all signed. We saw Ms. B and we handed them to her. I was zoning out about then and was kinda in a fog, so details are pretty fuzzy. I was just so relieved that it was over and I could relax for now. The stress of the past few weeks had blown away.

We stayed around the park for a couple of hours. It was nice just talking to people and being outside on a beautiful day. I ran into several people from Spencer's. They all said that it was a great event. I lost track of everyone I saw there that day. I was pleasantly surprised to see Dana there. I hadn't seen her in months. She seemed much more relaxed and less angry than before. I hoped she had turned her life around.

Cat, Laura, and I headed back to the stage area. Mom and Terri were talking to Jenny and Coach Chambers. Sam and Marlene were drinking beer and sitting on the back on the stage. Ms. B came up and joined them. It's a bit strange seeing your teachers socialize and drink with your parents. Still there was a feeling of celebration in the air. I grabbed a diet cola and sat down next to Sam. Laura came up and joined me. She put her arm around my waist. Cat grabbed a bottle of water and stood in front of Sam. She was very interested in the arrest of the Rev, and Sam was more than happy to tell her about it.

The area soon became a magnet for my friends. Paul and Caroline soon showed up, as did Alex and Kristen. Mike and Tracey showed up a few minutes later. I was pleased to see Mel and Cliff come over. Mel came over to me and held out her hand and showed me her engagement ring.

I jumped off the stage and hugged her and then I gave Cliff a big hug, "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!" I exclaimed.

"He proposed last night. We may be engaged for a while, as we both want to wait until after we graduate next year, but at least it's official now!" explained Mel.

I introduced them to everyone. After they walked away, Mom asked me where I knew Mel's fianc. "He's the one I punched in the nose at the mall," I answered with a laugh.

Coach looked at me. "I'd like to hear that story."

So I told them about Cliff and his 'joke' in the hallway. I also told them that he was one of the people who'd helped me when I had my collapse.

It was that sort of afternoon. It was a time to relax and sit around and tell stories. Our little gathering slowly grew. Kristen's parents came over, as did Alex's parents. I sat there and soaked it all in. It was the kind of day that you wanted to bottle and save for another time. You'd then open it up on some dreary day when everything was going wrong and pour out a glass of good feelings and to brighten up the day. I sat back down next to Laura and rested my head on her shoulder. The storm had passed.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Three

The post-rally party moved over to our house. Sam suggested that we hold a barbecue and it sort of snowballed from there. We didn't have enough food for everyone, but that problem was soon solved. Mom and Terri gave out assignments for food and drink and we scattered to the four winds, like a scavenger hunt.

Within an hour we had reassembled and the grill was heating up. Of course open flame cooking was Sam's domain, but he was getting plenty of help from the other fathers. It's amazing how much guys get into grilling food. It must be something out of our prehistoric past.

Alex brought out a Frisbee and soon we had a game of Frisbee football going on in the back yard. I went upstairs to change. You really can't run in a long skirt very well!

My Team was Alex, Laura, Kristen, Marlene, Coach Chambers, Jenny, Sandra, and Tom Bell. The other team was made up of Cat, Mike, Rachael, Tracey, Cliff, Mel, Ms. B, Paul, and Caroline. We had better overall speed on our team, but they had better hands.

The final score was in dispute and both sides claimed victory. Alex said there'd be a rematch, with a scorekeeper, at the party on Monday. Luckily the food was ready and we forgot about the game.

Soon everyone was sitting around eating and talking. These sorts of parties at my house were a new experience. Back in San Diego we didn't entertain a lot. Part of it was due to the fact that Mom worked a lot. There was also the fact our family wasn't very close, but enough of that.

Later on that evening after everyone left, Mom, Sam and I were sitting out on the deck. They were drinking coffee and I had a mug of tea. I looked over and saw that Sam had his arm around Mom and she was cuddling up next to him. They both looked so happy and content. I couldn't help but smile.

"What are you so happy about?" asked Sam.

"Everything I guess, but at the moment I'm happy for you two."

"We do make a pretty nice family!"

"I think so," added Mom.

"So, do you think that this is the end of the protests?" I asked Sam.

"Well, it should be. The newspaper will have a big article on the unsavory past of the Rev and his followers. Marlene expects that his website will be closed down and any groups that gave him support will be pulling away quickly. I imagine that they'll do anything to avoid being associated with him."

"So anyone who picked up his torch on this issue would face guilt by association?" asked Mom.

"Pretty much. They'll have to find some new issue to attack," stated Sam.

"I hope he gets a cell near Jason," I quipped.

"From what I heard from the Feds, there's a real scramble for him. They think that Texas has the best shot at him, no pun intended," smiled Sam. He was proud of that one.

A few minutes later they said goodnight and headed inside. I decided to stay out for a few more minutes. I liked the fact that I was totally comfortable being alone, outside at night. I also liked looking at the lightning bugs. We didn't have those back in San Diego. Sam said this was the first time he'd seen them this year.

I thought about the coming weeks. As a senior I had less than two weeks of school left. We had a couple of days of final exams and then graduation. I was lucky as I only had finals in four classes, so I wouldn't be overwhelmed academically.

There was also our senior class night, a week from Friday. That was the night when they'd give out awards and honors along with music and comedy skits. It promised to be a lot of fun. Graduation was on Tuesday of the following week, followed by Grad Night at the school, then the private parties. Cat said that the parties last all night and into the morning. Wednesday was when the real world would arrive. We'd no longer be seniors, and thoughts of jobs and college would dominate our lives.

Of course, being me, I had to take on a few additional challenges. There would be my trip up to NYC to get my nose fixed. We were going to leave on the Thursday after graduation. This would give us a weekend to have fun before I had my surgery.

It was no longer going to be just Mom and I. Terri, Cat, and Laura were now joining us on the journey. We already had reservations for our hotel. Granted it wouldn't be a suite overlooking Central Park, but it was still midtown. Tony had confirmed that he'd be our driver. We also had tickets to a Broadway show on Friday evening. It would be a lot of fun, at least until I had my surgery. Dr. Ayres said that he would prefer to wait at least another year before working on the scar. He said he had some non-surgical techniques that he'd like to try first. I was presently using a cream that he'd suggested. It did seem to be working a little. He had also sent me a lot of info about the surgery and the aftermath.

Then there was the wedding. Terri was in constant communication with Mom and Sam on the planning. The date was set and invitations were sent out. As it would be the middle of summer, Mom didn't want an overly formal wedding. She wasn't going to wear a full bridal gown. She was working with Cindy, and they had narrowed her choices down to ten or twenty dresses. The bridesmaids' dresses were also going to be simple yet elegant. Although I was a bit disappointed that Mom wasn't going to have the full-blown bridal gown, I was also relieved that I wouldn't be wearing some classically ugly bridesmaid dress. Well at least not at Mom's wedding. I've had the 'honor' of wearing several gowns in the past few years, some of which were truly hideous - I hate butt bows! I won't name names, as I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings!

I finally decided to head back inside. Oh, I had other things to ponder, but it was late and I was starting to get sleepy. I still wanted to know who was the third!

Chapter Two-Hundred-Four

I did have to go to work on Sunday. But the good news was that we'd be closed on Monday. Mrs. Lincoln didn't believe in her staff working holidays. I was up before Sam and Mom, as usual! I was reading the articles on the rally yesterday. I was going to have a really good scrapbook from my senior year. Between homecoming, the attack, the trial, the fashion show, and the whole Rev incident, I had been in the paper a whole bunch of times. We had taped the evening news and I planned to watch it later on.

The article on our rally was very favorable. The Rev's arrest overshadowed his little rally. Apparently some of his followers also had stolen goods in their campers from a series of robberies over in Red Hill.

The editorial section was also filled with comments, mostly favorable, about the rally. A few thought that it was a bit overdone; they felt that the rally was too big and that simply ignoring the Rev would have worked just as well. Obviously I disagreed with that opinion! There were no favorable comments about the Rev.

I shifted to the Times and read a highly praising review for the show we were going to see. I was really looking forward to seeing it, especially with my closest friends.

The sound of the shower draining told me that that they were getting up and moving. I turned on the coffee machine and then went back to the paper. It was nice to be able to relax after the stress of the previous week. I did want to write some thank you notes to all the people who had spoken yesterday. Marlene said she'd provide me with their addresses.

Speaking of Marlene, she was originally going to leave today, but she'd decided that she would stick around for the party tomorrow. She said that she could use a few days to unwind and Sam and Mom had invited her over for Sunday dinner. Sam had a friend who was dropping off some trout that he had caught. It seemed the guy loves fishing but doesn't like the taste of fish! I wasn't a big lover of fish myself, but Sam promised me that I'd love how he cooked them. I preferred the type of seafood that comes in a shell; you know crab, lobster, or shrimp! Sam told me that there were none of those in our creeks and rivers, so it would have to be trout tonight!

Sam and Mom came down together and went right to the coffeepot. "Thank you for starting it up," mumbled Sam.

"Someone isn't quite awake yet, I see," I stated in my best cheerful voice.

He stuck his tongue out at me!

Mom suggested waffles for breakfast. She had just bought a new waffle iron and wanted to try it out. I said that sounded good, and Sam grunted something that sounded like vaguely affirmative.

I really wasn't THAT big of a morning person, but I just felt SO good that the Rev was gone.

The new waffle iron worked really well, making those really thick Belgian waffles. Sam suggested them for desert some night. He said you pop a hot waffle on the plate and then put a big scoop of ice cream on top of it. It sounded very fattening and very good.

We talked about planting the bush tomorrow morning. Sam said that he'd have to go to the home and garden store, as we didn't have a shovel. He said that he'd also look for a lawnmower. We'd been borrowing Terri's. We really were becoming a suburban, home-owning family!

Chapter Two-Hundred-Five

Work was a lot of fun. Mel was so excited about being engaged. She kept looking at her ring, even when we weren't looking! Cindy made sure that we actually worked and didn't just talk to each other. It was hard to concentrate on folding blouses when it was so nice outside.

Cindy came over and asked me why I was so sluggish today. "You're usually a much better worker," she remarked.

"I'm sorry, I guess that I just feel so free and relaxed now that the Rev is gone."

"That's understandable, but I still need you to focus," she stated with a smile.

I made an effort to work harder for the rest of the day. The last thing I wanted to do was appear ungrateful to my co-workers!

Laura came in near closing time and asked me if I needed a ride home.

"Sure, but tomorrow I'll have my car! And then I can start driving you around."

"Just as long as I can still take you for a ride every now and then," quipped Laura with a sly smile on her face.

After work Laura said she had something to show me. We drove over to the community center. This was a large athletic complex just outside of town. They had ball fields and basketball courts. Laura drove me there to show me that the pool was now open.

"So?" I asked.

"Well, this is the best summertime hangout spot in town. We get in free this summer because we are graduating seniors," she explained.

"I don't have a bathing suit," I replied, hoping to change the conversation.

"We'll go shopping for one this week. I really want to see you in a bikini," smiled Laura.

I started to laugh, and then I realized that she was serious. "No way!"

"Come on, I've been checking out a few that would look great on you."

"I'm sure you have!" I replied. Laura had a wicked smile on her face. "But there are some concealment issues we need to consider."

"I've thought of that and I have a solution." We turned around in the parking lot and headed back towards town.

"Want to share them with me?" I asked.

"Well, you were able to conceal yourself pretty well during cross- country, and those shorts were pretty tight," she stated.

"That's true, but the shorts also concealed my gaff, and I doubt that a bikini bottom will do that." I was having an argument that would have seemed impossible a year earlier!

"Yes, I know, but I talked to a seamstress and she says that she can sew a gaff in so that it looks like part of the suit," said Laura. She was smiling triumphantly.

"Okay, so what about the top? I'm growing, but I'd still look rather flat chested."

"I've got that solved too. The seamstress says there are two options. The first one is that we can have pockets built into the top so you can slide your boob pads in. I've checked, and yes, your pads are safe to wear in a pool. The second option is to sew in pads so your top will act like a push-up bra," she explained.

"This sounds too expensive, I need to save up for school and then there is the car."

"Bad excuses, you are about to win a full scholarship in less than three weeks. Your car is paid off, you told me that this morning."

I sat there and looked over at Laura. The smile on her face was huge.

"Shit! Okay stop gloating. You win. So how long will this take to make?" I asked. I was trying to imagine how I'd look in a bikini.

"I'll be taking you there Tuesday, and you'll have it by Friday. Which is good, because our senior picnic is going to be held at the pool the next Friday. I want to get you out and work on your tan before the picnic."

"You're lucky I love you so much," I replied.

"There's one other thing, I made an appointment for you to get a bikini waxing at the salon," added Laura.

"Ohhh, that sounds like fun," I exclaimed sarcastically.

Laura described the procedure and assured me that it wasn't as bad as it sounded.

"You'll thank me when you see how hot you look." smiled Laura. She then licked her lips with her tongue.

"You're so bad!" I said, and we both started laughing.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Six

Laura stayed for dinner. She loved fresh trout. I had to admit it was pretty good. Marlene brought over a tape of the TV coverage of the rally and the Rev's arrest. We watched my interview several times. Laura said that I looked pretty cute. We also watched Sam's interview a few times. I noticed that look of satisfaction when he talked about the arrest of the Rev and his group. Sam said that it was a fringe benefit of the job and that it made all the hard work worthwhile. I could see why Cat wanted to go into law enforcement.

After the 'DA & Daughter Show', as Mom called it, Laura suggested that she and I go down to Spencer's. Mom didn't mind, but told me not to be out too late. I appreciated her concern, even if I didn't show it. I said good night to Marlene and we left.

"So, you get the car tomorrow?" asked Laura as we drove over to Spencer's.

"Yes. We're going to get it right after the bush planting. You are coming over for that?" I asked.

"I never miss a ceremonial bush planting," stated Laura with a laugh. "What time?"

"By tradition it's supposed to be done around 9:00AM. It'll be nice to see something growing there." I paused for a second and was suddenly awash in memories of that horrible night.

There was a long silence after that.

We found a parking spot only a block away from Spencer's and walked in. The guy behind the counter recognized me and gave me my cappuccino and pie on the house. I appreciated it and I tried to shake off the memories. We sat down in our usual spot on the couch.

"You want to talk about it?" asked Laura.

"Is it that obvious?" I replied softly.

"I'm not Sherlock Cat, but I can tell when something is bothering you," stated Laura. She put her hand on my shoulder.

"I was just thinking about the night of the attack. It's no big deal."

"Bullshit!" exclaimed Laura "It's a big deal. I saw how quiet you got in the car. Let it out."

I smiled. "Nice bedside manner." I was actually grateful that Laura pressed me to talk about it. It was reassuring that she cared so much about me.

"Hey, I want to go into politics, not therapy," replied Laura. "Seriously, tell me what's on your mind."

"I'll be glad when the bush is planted and that ground is exorcised of the evil that occurred there," I answered very softly.

I took a drink from my cappuccino.

"You know what happened, so I don't need to replay that, but what I've never been able to fully express is the fear that I felt that night. I was so close to safety and yet I might as well have been on the other side of the world. I was praying that someone would see us and I was also terrorized by the idea if Mom or Cat or Terri came out that he'd hurt them too!" I began to feel very emotional and my voice wavered a little.

I took another sip of cappuccino. Laura looked at me. "I'm here for you."

"Thanks. It seemed he was on top of me for hours. Time really slowed down. I also thought about being killed there. I thought about the pain and shock to Mom and my friends if I was found dead there." I paused to wipe away some tears that were dripping down my face. It was a soft cry, sort of like a gentle spring rain.

Laura pulled me close to her. "Let it out." We hugged for a long time.

"Thanks. You're the first person other than Jenny and Mom that I've told about that."

"I'm honored. Don't worry, this will be just between us. But be sure to talk to Jenny about this."

"Thanks." I wiped away my tears. I could definitely tell that my emotional state was changing. I knew that Laura was right and I needed to tell Jenny about this incident.

"You okay now?" asked Laura.

"Yes, much better, thanks for listening," I took a small bite of my pie. "Sorry for being such a pain."

"You're not a pain." She pulled me close to her and we kissed.

We hung out at Spencer's for another hour or so before heading home.

"You going to be okay" asked Laura, as we pulled into the driveway.

"Yes, I think so," I replied. We kissed long and passionately. "I love you."

"I love you too. Call me if you have any problems."

"I will." I knew she was worried that I'd start having nightmares again. I didn't want to worry her, but I'd never really stopped having them, it was just that I was learning to live with them, thanks to Jenny. I kept my log and I was e-mailing Jenny about the really bad ones. The good thing was that they weren't as intense as the earlier ones, and I didn't wake up in a cold sweat from them.

We kissed again and I went inside. I actually felt good about my little outburst. I also was so in love with Laura. We had a goofy sort of relationship, but when it came down to the bottom line, I knew she'd be there 100 percent for me. Mom and Sam were still up and sitting out on the deck. I made a cup of tea and went out to join them. Yes, I know I drink a lot of caffeine but it really doesn't bother my ability to sleep. I also thought decaffeinated tea tasted awful.

I did tell them about my conversation with Laura. I was following Jenny's advice and being totally honest with Mom and Sam, and, yes, they knew about my nightmares. It was difficult at times being so honest and open with them about the attack, as I didn't want them to worry about me.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Seven

I had a pretty good night's sleep, no nightmares. I slept lightly but I think that was more due to the excitement of getting the car and the planting ceremony. I was also excited about the big party at Alex's barn.

The weather was warm and pleasant, and I dressed in a pair of shorts, a gray sleeveless t-shirt, and sport sandals.

I was surprised to see Sam and Mom up before me. They were reading the paper out on the deck. I went and joined them, after grabbing a glass of orange juice.

"Good morning," I greeted as I sat down. "You guys are up early."

"Well, we wanted to be up and awake for the planting," stated Mom. "I'm going to make some blueberry pancakes for breakfast."

"Are they going to be plate sized?" I asked.

Sam looked at me like I was nuts.

"I was just thinking about those," said Mom.

I turned to Sam. "There is a small restaurant back in San Diego called the Big Kitchen and they serve plate-sized pancakes. The blueberry ones are so full of blueberries that they pop out," I replied. "The funny thing is that it's in the Golden Hill section of San Diego."

"That sounds great!" stated Sam. "But aren't you exaggerating about the size?"

"Nope, she's telling the truth, Sam. They really are plate sized," agreed Mom.

Sam was still a bit skeptical. I said that if we ever got back out there we'd take him there.

The pancakes were good and it was a fitting meal before a bush planting ceremony.

Cat, Laura, and Terri all arrived around 9:00 and we started to dig the hole. I was pleasantly surprised to see Jenny pull in the driveway with Coach.

"Who else did you invite?" I asked Mom.

"Just a few others," she answered.

"It's very nice looking, where did you buy it?" asked Jenny, as she looked at the plant.

"I bought it from Roger the Shrubber," said Sam with a straight face, "He designs, arranges, and sells shrubberies."

Everyone broke out laughing except Mom and Terri. They obviously weren't fans of Monty Python and the Holy Grail. My opinion of Sam just skyrocketed upward!

"Ni!" I said. That caused more laughter and more strange looks from Mom and Terri. I'd tried to get Mom to watch Monty Python and the Holy Grail a few times, but she just thought it was stupid.

Sam explained that the bush was a Compact European cranberry bush viburnum and it was just starting to bloom. There were small clusters of white flowerets, arranged in a pinwheel pattern. He said that the scent would be spicy-sweet and it would produce clusters of translucent bright red berries. The leaves would turn purplish-red in the fall and eventually it could grow to be six feet tall and equally wide!

"I'm impressed, Dad. I didn't know you were a plant expert," I remarked.

"I'm not. I just have a good memory," replied Sam with a smile. "Roger taught me all I ever needed to know about shrubbery."

Within the next fifteen minutes, Paul, Caroline, Marlene and Ms. B all joined us. Mom said that looked like everyone. I suddenly remembered something and ran back into the house for a second. There was something that I wanted to bury in the hole.

When I came back down we started the ceremony. I'm not sure if there are rules for something like this, so we just made them up as we went along. Basically we all stood around the hole and each person got to say something if they wanted to. I got to go first. "I hope that this plant serves as a refuge for birds and animals and it cleans the land," I said. I felt myself choking up a bit. I would have said more, but I didn't want to break down. I guess my hormones were extra active that morning.

That seemed to be the sentiment as each person spoke. Just before we put the bush in the hole, I tossed in my hospital wristband from the night I was attacked. No one said a thing, but I got a lot of smiles. The bush was set down in the hole and we filled in the dirt gently around it. I got down on my knees and scooped dirt into the hole. I was joined by Laura, Cat and everyone else for that matter! I pulled out the hose and I watered it. The ceremony was over in a few minutes, and Mom brought out some sparkling cider to toast the event. It would have been cooler to use real champagne but I was still just seventeen.

It was a pleasant little ceremony, and I really felt that we were healing the earth. I also felt that I was healed somewhat myself. We went back to the deck to talk and continue the celebration. Jenny said that it had been a great idea and that she would suggest it to others in a similar circumstance. She said that it was nice that it cleansed the area of the crime that had occurred.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Eight

Most people left within the hour, as they had to get ready for the barbecue over at Alex's house. I thanked them all for showing up. Soon the only guests left were Cat, Terri, and Laura. Terri and Mom went into the kitchen to finish making their food for the picnic.

Sam looked at me and smiled. "I suppose you want to get your car, or would you rather wait until next weekend?" he said.

"You've got to be kidding!" I exclaimed. "Lets go!"

Cat and Laura joined us as we drove out to the State Police Barracks. We met the trooper and he took us back to get the car.

"Nice car," noted Cat, "but I thought you said it was a sedan, I only see two doors. I think that makes it a coupe." She was standing there smiling at me.

"Yes, Sherlock, I know. I've been corrected many times for that mistake," I grumbled, in mock anger.

"Well, if you want to be a teacher, then you need to be accurate."

"Keep that up and I won't give you a ride!" I said as I started to laugh.

Cat made a face like her feelings were hurt for a second. Then she joined me in laughing.

Laura then piped in, "What difference does it make what it's called? I think it's a nice car!"

Cat just shook her head in disgust at us.

We finished the paper work and it was time to drive home. Sam said for me to follow him home. Cat climbed in the back and Laura sat in the passenger seat. It drove very nicely. I was very attentive to my driving especially because I wasn't used to the car yet. I wanted to drive around some more but I kept my promise and followed Sam back to the house.

"So how does it ride?' asked Sam as we walked back into the house.

"Really nice!"

"By the way, just because I'm the DA doesn't mean that you get out of tickets, so watch your speed," he explained.

"Yes, Dad!" I replied.

Sam walked inside and then I heard Cat and Laura speak in unison, "Yes, Dad!" with heavy sarcastic overtones.

"Hey, you know that I don't have a lot of experience in this area," I replied with a laugh. We then went inside.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Nine

Mom and Sam agreed that I could drive it over to Alex's house, but that they wanted me to take it easy.

We loaded up some of the stuff in the car and headed over to Alex's house. Mom, Sam, and Terri were driving over together.

As we drove over Cat brought up the bikini topic. "I must say that I'm looking forward to seeing you in a bikini at the senior class party."

"That makes two of you," I smiled.

"Yes, but Laura's interest is strictly sexual, I just want to see how well you adjust to wearing a bathing suit in public," commented Cat.

"Hey! My interest isn't just sexual - well, maybe some of my interest is - but I'm concerned about her transition too," smiled Laura.

We were stopped at a light and we both looked at her in disbelief.

"Okay, I admit that I am very interested in seeing you in a bikini and that I know you'll look really hot," stated Laura.

"That's better," smiled Cat.

"I'm glad to see that girls can be as sexist as guys! I was afraid to say that I can't wait to see Laura in her bikini!" I quipped.

We all began to laugh.

I really was going to miss us hanging out all the time, and I was really going to miss Laura when she goes off to State. We pulled into Alex's driveway, and were immediately surrounded by our friends. The guys were very interested in my car. They popped the hood and made a bunch of comments on the engine and other parts. Look, I had trouble distinguishing between a coupe and a sedan, so they might as well been speaking Greek. Okay, I wasn't that ignorant, but you get the general idea.

We took the food out of the trunk and delivered it to Alex's parents. They had put out quite a spread. It was nice spending a holiday with good friends. Alex said that he wanted to have a barbecue on July fourth and then continue it every year so we could get together as a group at least once a year. No one at the time thought he'd pull it off, but he did. In fact, it's still an annual event for our class. People come from all across the country for it.

The volleyball net was set up, and there was also an open area that could serve as the Frisbee football field. Alex told us that his parents originally wanted to put in a pool there, but they'd decided against it.

The crowd got bigger. It would take up too much space to list everyone who was there, but just about every close friend from school was there. I got picked for a volleyball team by Alex, Kristen, Mike, and Alex's younger brother, Nick and we couldn't get off the court! We won four straight games, and we finally stepped off undefeated, as we wanted to eat.

Mike was convinced more that ever that I was their good luck charm. "You'd better come down for our games this fall!"

I sat down near Tracey as we ate. Tracey told me that Mike was very superstitious when it came to sports. She said that he had all sorts of rituals and that she'd given up trying to understand them.

"So, you don't mind him considering me their lucky charm?' I asked.

"At first I did. You know that it's taken me longer to warm up to you. Initially I was downright resentful of you, especially when you got selected for homecoming. I thought your election made a mockery of the whole thing. I almost dropped out, but I went along with it because of Kristen. But now I know I was wrong, and I am very proud to be you friend," she stated.

"I appreciate your honesty, and I'm proud to be your friend too."

"You've really won over a lot of people with the way you handled yourself this year, and I'm just not talking about the whole assault and trial thing. You really tried to just fit in. I think what really won me over was the fact that you didn't feel sorry for yourself. You could have easily used your misfortune to try and make people pity you, but you didn't. I don't think I could have been that brave," continued Tracey.

"Don't sell yourself short. Trust me, there were times that I really wanted to have everyone feel sorry for me. But something inside yourself makes you move on. The trick is to know when you are exceeding it. I found that out the hard way."

"I guess you did. We were really worried about you when you missed those two weeks of school," replied Tracey.

"Thanks. I hope that I don't have a repeat of that," I replied softly. It was always in the back of my mind that I might have another relapse. It still is.

We talked for a while longer. I was glad we cleared the air, I only wished we had done it earlier in the school year.

After I ate and rested a little I was drawn back onto the volleyball court. Alex reformed the team with one change, Cat replaced Kristen, who just wanted to watch and take pictures. We became a real juggernaut and beat one team after another. We even beat an all guy team formed by some of Alex's teammates. We surrendered the court after winning six straight games. With all the jumping around, I was definitely glad I'd worn a sports bra.

Cat noticed my discomfort and laughed. She came over and whispered, "Wait until they get bigger!"

Alex's father had dug a big fire pit and planned to light up a bonfire after dark. I had been to a few parties on the beach and we'd always had a fire after dark. I found sitting around a fire was very spiritual and was a tie to our ancient past. Of course they didn't have marshmallows, but I'm sure they'd have eaten them if they had!

The crowd had thinned considerably by the time the fire was started. A couple of the guys brought out their guitars and tried to find some tunes that they both knew so they could play together. I was sitting on a blanket next to Cat and Laura. I can close my eyes today and I still can picture everyone's faces illuminated by the fire. Alex's dad borrowed one of the guitars and started playing. He was very good, and he played a whole bunch of songs from the sixties and seventies. Alex told us that his dad was a Dead Head and had once spent a whole year following the band around from concert to concert. That was a real surprise!

The party finally began to break up around ten. There was school in the morning and, as much as we resisted, it was time to go. I lingered a little to hug and thank Marlene again for all her help. She said that she'd keep in touch, but that she hoped that she'd never see me again in a professional manner. But if I ever needed help again, she told me not to hesitate to call.

We drove back to my house and unloaded the car. Laura kissed me and left for home. She said she'd pick us up in the morning as usual. I couldn't drive my car to school, as they wouldn't issue me a sticker this late in the school year. I didn't mind, as I loved riding with Cat and Laura.

Mom, Terri, and Sam arrived a few minutes later and Cat and I helped them unload their car. We said our goodnight and we started into the house. I did come back out one last time to look at the bush. It was surrounded by lightning bugs. I guess they were welcoming it to the neighborhood.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Ten

It was difficult to get excited about school. Everyone was so beat from our long weekend. I was sore from playing so much volleyball. There was also the added excitement that we had less than two weeks of classes before finals and then graduation.

The big thing that happened in school was our weekly meeting of the Fab Four. I was pleased to see everyone there. We ate our lunches while we waited for Ms. B to arrive.

"So, what do you think the last challenge will be?" I asked.

"Well, if it's standing up to a criminal religious zealot then we finished that one!" said Denise. We all laughed.

I remembered seeing Denise, but I hadn't seen Lisa there. It was no big deal. I didn't want to embarrass her, so I didn't ask if she had been there.

Ms. B walked in and asked how we were all doing. "As you know, you have exactly two weeks until graduation. Again I want to congratulate all of you for making it this far. I want to remind you that the contest doesn't end until after the graduation ceremony. However, that shouldn't be a big deal, as everyone will be wearing caps and gowns." We all laughed at her comments.

"I have a question, Ms. B. Which name will go on our diploma?" asked Denise.

"That's up to you. I have a form for all of you to fill out. It will include the name you want on your diploma and what name you wish to be called when you walk across the stage. Your parents or guardians will have to sign it and send it in by Friday."

This wasn't a big deal for Caroline and I. I still wondered who the third was?

"Now I have one announcement. As you know, the senior party/picnic will be held next Friday at the pool at the athletic center. You'll be required to be in gender correct bathing suits. It's up to you if you want one piece or two piece, but it must be a women's bathing suit," she explained.

I thought about Laura and her appointment for me this evening to get my bikini made. I looked at Ms. B and she winked at me.

"Here is the card of a seamstress who can make you a suit that will hide what's necessary and enhance areas that need enhancing," smiled Ms. B. She handed us each a card.

I looked at Denise and Lisa as they got their cards. Neither one gave anything away.

"You will be required to attend the picnic. Of course, the usual excuses are still valid with notes from your parents or guardians. If you want to pull out of the competition, you will still get the lesser scholarship," announced Ms. B. "Erika, I will need to see you in my office after this meeting."

I walked out with Ms. B. "What's up?" I asked.

"I just wanted to give you the apologies of the two young men who vandalized your locker last week. I also have something to ask you, once we get in my office."

We entered her office and I sat down in the chair next to her desk. I thought how I'd miss coming in here. She handed me the two apologies and I read them. The first was the standard "I am so sorry and please forgive me" type that looked like a form letter. His letter was just begging for forgiveness without thinking about the reasons why his actions were wrong. The second one was more interesting. It was very different from the first one in that it was heartfelt and well written. His name was Kurt and he wrote about how stupid and insensitive he'd been. He said that he'd known who I was and what I'd gone through, and yet he still did it. Having time to think about it, he now knew how hateful his actions came across as being. He said that he deserved to be punished. He said he'd understand if I was still mad at him.

"Well, what do you think?" asked Ms. B.

"Too bad you can't force someone to enter the contest. They could use some sensitivity training. At least Kurt seems to realize why it was wrong, or maybe he's just a better writer."

"He's a good kid, just needs some focus."

"So what's the question you wanted to ask me?" I asked.

"Next week we'll be having our informational meeting for contestants for next years scholarship contest. I'd like you to be there to answer questions. I'm asking all of the Fab Four, and a few of those who didn't make it this far," she stated.

"Good! If I was the only one speaking, I'd scare them all off. So when is this meeting?" I asked.

"A week from today, right after school."

"Okay, but I have to leave by 4:30; Tuesday is my weekly meeting with Jenny," I said.

"We'll be done by then. Thank you in advance."

"So, how many have expressed an interest?" I asked.

"A little less than this year, but that was expected. So far twenty- four have signed up, but I expect it to go up a little," she said. "I've told them that each year is different and that the length of the contest will depend on the contestants themselves. We'll also be making some significant rule changes, some of which I can't disclose until Tuesday. However, starting next year we will have a female to male category."

"That's cool! Do you have any interest in it?"

"A few."

"When this is all over I'd love to sit down with you and talk about this contest. I know that there is more here than meets the eye. I have many questions that need answers."

"I expected that, and you do deserve to know the answers. How about we meet for lunch on the Wednesday after graduation?"

"Could we make that dinner?" From what everyone has told me I won't be going to bed until daybreak."

She laughed. "Sure, that sounds good. Why not dinner at my place?" she suggested.

"That sounds wonderful!" Her invitation to dinner caught me off guard, but I accepted it immediately. When the bell interrupted our meeting, I was disappointed as I still had a few more questions, but I knew that I couldn't be late for my next class. "Well, I have to get to American Lit. Thank you so much, Ms. B. I'm really looking forward to our dinner!" I was also looking forward to the answers to many questions.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Eleven

My session with Jenny was very interesting. We spent a lot of time talking about my emotional changes. She told me that I needed to be aware of the effects of the hormones. We talked about how my emotional changes might affect my dealing with the stress from my assault. She agreed that having friends to talk about was very important.

"I have to admit that the thought of being without Cat and Laura close by is a bit frightening."

"Well, that's life and you'll need to make adjustments. But there's always e-mail and the phone. Remember that you're not breaking up as friends, even if you are separated."

"As you know, Laura and I are dating, and we're both worried about being separated."

"If you're asking me if everything will work out between you two, I can't answer that. You may stick together or you may drift apart; it's a part of life."

"I'm shocked! You don't have answers to everything," I replied, with a laugh.

"Don't linger on the negative aspect of graduation and separation. You've made many good friends at Central. When you go to college you need to socialize and make new friends. That's part of the joy in going to college! You don't have to give up your old friends. There is no limit to the friends you can have. I have friends that I haven't seen in years, yet we stay close by calls, letters, and e-mail. As for you and Laura, only time will tell."

I thought about what she said and it made sense. I'd have to strive to meet new people when I went to Dewey.

I also told her about my reaction with Laura at Spencer's Sunday night.

"One of the problems of dealing with a traumatic episode is that you will occasionally have that sort of emotional upheaval. I think you handled it very well by talking it out with Laura. Whatever you do, don't try to hold it in."

After the session it was time to get fitted for my bikini. Laura drove me the shop and we walked in.

The seamstress was named Yvonne and she was very pleased to meet me. She was looking forward to helping me and the other contestants have a good fitting bathing suit.

"So, what kind do you want?" asked Yvonne.

Before I could answer Laura piped in. "Bikini!"

I looked over at her and she smiled back. "Sure why not?" I said.

"Well, let's get started," stated Yvonne. She explained that my options were limited due to the 'special design factors" she had to make in them. Still she said that she had some nice suits that would look great on me.

She took my measurements, including my chest with and without my boob pads.

We looked at a few styles and I tried some on. Initially I felt close to being totally naked. I picked out two suits. One was green and the other was dark blue. She showed me how she was going adjust the suit so it would conceal my maleness. As for the tops we went with one of each. The green one would have built-in pockets so I could slip in my boob pads, and for the blue top we went with the built-in push up pads.

I changed back into my street clothes. Yvonne said that the suits would be ready by Friday. She told me that I didn't have to pay until Friday and that she'd include my contestant discount.

We then decided to go over to Spencer's. Laura called up Cat and she asked us to pick her up at the police station, as she was finishing up her internship for the day. As sad as I was to think of us splitting up in a few months, I was excited for Cat's career. She really was getting into it. She loved to watch the cop dramas on TV and point out the mistakes to us.

Once we got Cat we drove over to the college area and hunted down a parking spot. We ended up several blocks away, but it really didn't matter in nice weather. Winter, on the other hand, would have made our stroll very difficult.

"So, when do you get your bikinis?" asked Cat.

"Friday. Then I have to work up the courage to wear one out in public!"

Laura smiled. "That will be Saturday afternoon when we go to the pool!"

"Your girlfriend sure is pushy," smiled Cat.

"I know, good thing she's such a good kisser," I answered.

"You'll do fine, Erika. Besides you'll be with us and no one will dare mess with you!" added Cat.

I smiled. "Thanks, being with friends will really help!"

"You know you can trust us, Erika, we'd never do anything to embarrass you. By the way, your appointment for your bikini waxing is tomorrow after school."

"Yes, dear!" I replied with a giggle. "So, are you joining us at the pool Saturday Cat?"

"Yes, I am. Matt will also be joining us. He finishes up school on Wednesday," explained Cat.

"Cool," replied Laura.

We reached Spencer's and walked in. I decided to shift away from cappuccinos for the summer. They added fruit smoothies for the summer crowd, so I had one of those instead. I also skipped the pie. Actually, that's not true, they were sold out and I didn't feel like anything else.

Cat and Laura stayed with cappuccinos. We took our normal seat on the couch. I told them about the latest challenge for the Four.

"Did Ms. B tip you off or something like that?" I asked Laura.

"No exactly. I overheard her talking to Marlene after the rally," she replied.

"So you were eavesdropping! Gee, you're sneaky! But how did she catch you?"

Laura smiled. "When she saw me there, she told me all about the challenge and she gave me Yvonne's card."

"That's cool." I then told them about my upcoming dinner with her after graduation.

"That's great. Just remember everything she tells you so you can tell us on the trip to New York," stated Cat.

We then talked about the trip to NYC. It would be fun, but the more I read about Rhinoplasty, the more I was concerned. The surgery wasn't so much the concern, it was the recovery period. Dr. Ayres had said that I'd have to sit upright for 24-48 hours afterwards, and that I wouldn't be able to do anything active for a few weeks to a month afterwards. Laura said that I could use that time to work on my tan.

We cut it short at Spencer's as the effects of the weekend were hitting us. I planned on going to bed early that night after I talked to Sandra.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Twelve

Sam and I had had some leftover chicken for dinner. Mom was at her class over at Dewey.

"We said goodbye to the rest of the Rev's group today. The winner in the scumbag lottery was Virginia. They had over twelve warrants apiece on each of them," Sam reported.

"So who got the Rev?" I asked.

"Texas," replied Sam, breaking out in a sly smile.

"Too bad," I said sarcastically.

"Oh, I got a call today and your name change will be legal this week. You should have the paperwork in hand by Friday."

"So that means I can go and get a new driver's license?" I asked. I thought about getting my license back in August. It was the last time that I had dressed as Eric, although I still looked like a girl in my photo, because of my hairstyle.

"Sure," said Sam.

I sat there with a big smile on my face. I felt a strong sense of satisfaction in knowing that I would legally be Erika soon, although there was a little bit of sadness over giving up my identity as Eric.

I told him about the diploma/graduation form and he said that he and Mom would fill it out and send it in. I got up and retrieved it out of my purse.

"What about the adoption papers?" I asked as I cleared away the plates.

"It's progressing. It just takes time," noted Sam.

"Regardless of what the courts say I want to change my last name to Warren. I already consider you my dad."

"You don't know how good it feels to hear that coming from you." I could tell he was really was moved emotionally. I walked over and gave him a big hug.

After dinner I called up Sandra and we talked for a few minutes. I wanted to ask her how she had dealt with the emotional issues and changes. She said that she didn't feel too much change, as she'd always been an emotional person. She said the biggest change was that she no longer had as big of a temper as when she was a guy. Sandra thought that since it was okay to show all her emotions, she didn't need her temper as an emotional relief valve.

I also talked to her about going to the pool and wearing my first bikini. She said that going with friends would help a lot. Her first time at a pool was by herself and she'd really felt nervous. She also said not to worry too much, as I'd look great in a bikini. She joked that athletic girls like me could get away with wearing something like that. She also reminded me that just because someone looked at me, that didn't mean they knew my true gender. She told me that I was an attractive young woman and I'd get looked at a lot by guys.

I felt that I could talk about anything with her. She was like an older sister. I mentioned this to her and she said that she was honored that I felt that way about her.

As I drifted off I thought about the fact that in exactly two weeks I'd be graduating from high school. As usual I had mixed emotions about it. Part of me couldn't wait, and the rest of me wanted high school to go on forever, but that was silly, as all good things must come to an end.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Thirteen

Wednesday afternoon Laura, Cat, and I drove over to the salon. I was getting my legs waxed and also a bikini wax. I had been getting my legs waxed all year, so I was at least used the process. I was a little nervous about the bikini wax. The woman who did the waxing was pretty cool and she told me that it wouldn't be that bad. Her name was Linda.

Actually there isn't a lot of pain with getting your legs waxed. The first time is pretty bad, but it gets better as the new hairs aren't as thick and come out with less pain. It does sound worse than it feels. The sound of the cloth strip being ripped off is far worse than it actually feels.

I was laying down on the table and being put in various positions by Linda. I just moved as she told me. She told me that she'd be using a different type of wax for the bikini waxing. It was thicker and she didn't use cloth strips with it, instead she just pulled it off when it hardened.

I really didn't think I had that much hair down there, but she showed me how necessary this was. I was amazed by the difference. It was a bit strange, at first looking down at my pubic hair being so orderly and neat!

Of course Linda knew my true gender. It really didn't matter to her. She thought it was great that I was being true to myself. She said that when she'd back in LA she'd many transgendered customers along with many regular guys.

"Really?" I asked. I was on my back with my left leg extended straight up towards the ceiling.

"Oh, yes. Guys would come in to get waxed so they'd look better on the beach. I also did a lot of surfers. Some even got their whole bodies waxed so they wouldn't get irritation from their wetsuits," she explained.

"Any guys around here get waxed?" I asked. I was allowed to lower my leg.

"Yes, a few. Some are really into bodybuilding and some just like the feel, or maybe their girlfriends like it better." She started to laugh.

We talked a little about California as she finished me up. She put a soothing gel on my legs and around my bikini area. I thanked her and got dressed. I waited out front while Laura and Cat got waxed.

The receptionist and I talked while I waited. She told me that they'd been threatened by the Rev's people with 'problems' unless they gave a 'contribution'. Their owner had told them to 'go to hell' and threatened to call the police unless they left. She went on to say how she was glad that the police arrested them all on Saturday.

When Cat and Laura were finished we headed over to the pizza place to catch up with the gang. Paul and Caroline were there, along with Alex, Kristen, Mike, and Tracey. Caroline was showing off her new driver's license with her new name.

"I can't wait until I get mine. The paperwork is due to be approved later this week," I exclaimed. "I want to have my new ID when I check in the hospital in a few weeks."

"Why are you going in the hospital?" asked Mike.

"I'm getting my nose fixed." I pointed to my bent nose.

"That's nothing to sneeze at!" quipped Paul. This was met by groans.

"That was low, even for you," groaned Caroline.

"Are really going back to NYC? I'd love to go there," sighed Kristen.

"I'll take you there when I win the Heisman Trophy in a few years," bragged Alex.

"Like that will ever happen!" joked Mike. "Besides, I'll win it before you."

They started a playful argument about who was most valuable to a football team, the quarterback or the defense.

Kristen ignored them and asked us about the trip. I really wished that she could have joined us.

"I want to hear about everything when you get back," Kristen requested. "I'm going to live there someday."

I was impressed by the determination in her voice. I really believed her. She still lives there, by the way. I try to see her once a year so we can catch a show and dinner together.

Mike and Alex would be gone by the time I came back from my nose job. They were expected to get to college and start working out. Granted, they weren't allowed to officially work out until August, but they wanted to get into the team's training facility. I would miss them both.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Fourteen

The biggest thing that happened on Thursday was that my name was officially changed. Mom told me that Sam was picking it up on his way home from work. Needless to say, I was a constant clock-watcher at work that night. Naturally I told all my coworkers why I was so wired that night.

I also gave Mrs. Lincoln a thank you letter for being at the rally. She said that it was unnecessary to thank her, but I know she appreciated it. She also told me that she'd be taking me off the schedule starting a week from Sunday.

"You will have graduation on your mind and you also will need some time to recover from your operation. Besides, I doubt if you will feel like working for a while as you recover. I don't want you back in here until you are 100 percent ready" she said. "One more thing, dear, you are to call me immediately if you have any problems while you are in the city."

"Yes, Mrs. Lincoln. I really appreciate your concern."

I drove home in my new car; well, it was new to me! It was cool having my own wheels.

Sam and Mom were in the kitchen having dinner when I arrived. It was pasta with marinara sauce and I eagerly filled a plate and joined them.

"Did you get it?" I asked Sam.

"Was I supposed to get something today?" he asked. He then went back to eating.

Mom just shrugged her shoulders and took a sip of her wine. I caught her little glance over at Sam and his wink back!

"Very funny! Come on! Please let me see it!" I begged.

"Oh yes, there's that document in my brief case. Do you really want to see it?" asked Sam. "Why don't we wait until after dinner?"

"Pleaseeeeeee!" I whined.

Sam picked up his case and opened it up. He went through his papers very slowly until he pulled one out.

"I guess you mean this one." He handed it to me.

I was trembling slightly as I read it. There was a lot of legal wording, but then I saw it - my new name. I then did a double take and looked up at Sam and Mom and smiled.

"We knew that you wanted it that way," explained Mom. She had a big smile on her face.

I looked back at the paper and saw that my name was legally 'Erika Jean Warren".

"Thank you!" I exclaimed as I got up and hugged and kissed them. "You don't mind about the last name?"

"No! Of course not, besides it will soon be my last name too," stated Mom.

"I'm honored to take your name, Dad." There was more hugging and kissing. Then I started to cry and Mom started to cry. Sam didn't cry, but he was definitely moved by the moment.

Sam said I could go to the DMV on Saturday to get my new license.

After dinner we were sitting in the kitchen. Of course I was drinking tea and Mom and Sam were having coffee.

"How do you feel, now that it has had a chance to sink in a bit?" asked Mom.

"I feel good, although there is a bit of sadness over giving up my old name," I replied. "But no regrets."

"That's an honest response," remarked Sam.

I called up Laura and told her about my name change and then I called Cat. They were both happy for me. I wanted to call up everyone I knew, but I stopped there.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Fifteen

Mom said she'd stop by the school and put in an official request to have them change my records. One of the nice things about the last name change was that it didn't change me much alphabetically. I went from Walters to Warren.

I ran into Caroline and told her about the change. She gave me big hug. I also asked her if she'd picked out her bathing suit yet. She said yes, and that she'd bought a one piece. I told her that I was getting a bikini.

"You're pretty brave for wearing a bikini. There's no way I could do that," she remarked.

I also ran into Ms. B and I told her about my legal name change.

"What did you say your middle name was now?" asked Ms. B.

"Jean. Mom named me after her best friend who was killed in a car crash," I explained. "Why?"

She smiled. "Actually, that's my first name. I started using Nancy, my middle name, when I began working here, because there were three other Jeans on staff at the time. Some of my friends from college still call me Jean sometimes."

"I knew it was a good name." We hugged briefly and I headed off to class.

After school Laura and I went over to Yvonne's to get the bikinis. We took my car this time.

She did a great job and my "maleness" was hidden quite well. The bikini top with the built in pads fit better that the one with the pockets. She had an extra padded one in that color, and so I was all set. I thanked her for the great job and I paid for both of them. I still didn't know if I had the courage to wear one in public.

"I can't wait to show you off tomorrow," bragged Laura.

I was secretly hoping for rain!

We planned on meeting Cat and Matt later on for dinner. In the meantime we went to Spencer's to kill some time and talk. I got lucky and found a close parking spot.

Laura followed my lead and also got a fruit smoothie. We plopped down on the couch and talked about school. Technically we only had two days of classes left, as Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday were finals, and those were half days. I'd gotten really lucky with my exam schedule. I only had written finals in three classes, Child Development, Law & Enforcement, and American Lit. My photography class only required a portfolio of our work, which I'd already turned in, and PE didn't have a final. It worked out that I had one final each day. I was so glad that I had front-loaded my schedule back in San Diego!

Next Friday we'd have our class party/picnic right after finals. Monday would be graduation practice with senior night that evening. It was pretty exciting and more than a bit scary.

"You know that in two weeks we'll be in NYC!" exclaimed Laura.

"I know!"

"You worried about the surgery?" asked Laura.

"Nervous is a better description. However, I need to get used to the idea of surgery."

"I was looking at that SRS website you told me about. Those doctors do a great job. Some of them really look like they were born girls. Apparently you'll even be able to have orgasms afterwards. That's really something to look forward to!"

"It'll be a red-letter day!"

"So when will you be doing it? I know you were looking at a date sometime next spring."

"That's right. We've contacted a few doctors and they are reviewing my history. I'll let you know as soon as I know. I'll need a while to recover, and I really don't want to do that during the summer."

"I'll be there for you," she pledged.

"I know you'll try," I replied.

"No, I promise I'll be there," reiterated Laura.

I knew she was serious, and all I could do at that point was kiss her!

We were suddenly interrupted by Laura's cell phone. It was Cat.

"You two are shameless! Imagine making out on a couch in a public coffeehouse!" taunted Cat.

Laura looked around and saw Cat and Matt standing outside Spencer's. They were waving to us and smiling. We walked outside and joined them.

We walked up the street to a restaurant that we had wanted to try. Matt said that all colleges seemed to have a street like this one. I asked how his classes had gone, and he said pretty well.

"I'm going to start a summer internship with the FBI in a week. I'll be working in their Philly office. It should be really interesting," he explained.

"Sounds exciting," I replied.

"The cool thing is that almost everyone accepted into the internship program gets into the FBI Academy upon graduation," added Cat.

The conversation bounced all around during dinner. Matt was very interested in the arrest of the Rev and hoped that he'd get a chance to talk to Sam about it.

"I'm sure that could be arranged," I remarked. "Sam loves to tell that story, and I love hearing it."

Cat said that her mom was planning on inviting us over for dinner Sunday, along with Laura's parents. We also agreed to meet the next day at my house around noon and then drive over to the pool. Cat said she couldn't wait to see me in my bikini. I felt my face turning red. Laura smiled and said she loves it when I blush.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Sixteen

After dinner Laura and I left them alone and we walked back to my car. We debated about stopping in for cappuccinos, but the urge to make out was stronger than the need for caffeine. We went back to her house and went up to her room.

We even skipped the photo at first. Laura said something about getting it later and she pulled me onto the bed. We began to snuggle and kiss. I felt her fingers rubbing against my nipples. The sensations went deep into my body and I felt quivers of pleasure rush through me. She helped me out of my shirt and then my bra. My nipples were very hard and she smiled and stroked them. She also took off her top and I returned the favor. I really loved these moments. They were so sharing and mutual.

We fooled around for almost an hour before Laura figured that we'd better take the picture and then get dressed before her parents got home. There was no doubt about my breasts growing. Laura said that if they kept growing like this I wouldn't need implants. That was a relief, I really didn't want to have pads implanted in my chest.

We then talked about going to the pool tomorrow.

"Look, if you don't want to go to the pool, that's cool. I don't want you to feel like I'm pressuring you or anything," Laura stated.

"You're not pressuring me. I know that you care about me. I'm just a little nervous, that's all."

"Umm, are you afraid that your ...errr... thing might get hard?" I could tell that she was trying to say it as delicately as possible.

"The thought has gone through my mind. I can still get hard. I'll have to be on hormones a lot longer than just over two months to stop that from happening."

"So, it is true that sometimes you can't control it?" she asked.

"Yes. I think every boy's biggest fear is to get a hard-on in the boy's locker room. It instantly labels you as gay," I confessed.

"Did that ever happened to you?" she asked.

I smiled. "No, I was slow to mature anyway."

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"Well, it was a bit embarrassing being one of the last kids to get pubic hair. Being skinny and short didn't help either. I used to think it was because I was a bit younger than a lot of my classmates, but looking back, I wonder if there was something else going on."

"You mean something about being transgendered?" she asked.

"Yes, maybe. It's sort of funny. I used to think that I was just an average teenage boy. But looking back I can see things that stand out so clearly now," I explained.

"Well, hindsight is a perfect science," remarked Laura.

We went downstairs and kissed goodbye. I was just getting into my car when her parents arrived. They actually seemed happy to see me and we talked for a few minutes. I still wasn't sure if they totally accepted me. Mr. Adams liked my car. I waved goodbye to Laura and drove home.

I pulled in the driveway and walked to the house. I stopped and looked at the bush. It was nice to see it there.

I joined Mom and Sam in the kitchen. Terri had already called and given them the invitation for dinner. I warned Sam that Matt wanted to hear all about the Rev investigation. He said that he'd be happy to talk to Matt.

I showed Mom my bikinis and all she could do was smile.

"I never thought I'd see you wearing anything like these," she smiled.

"I'm still not sure about wearing them, but it's required for the competition," I stated.

"Be sure you put on lots of sunscreen tomorrow!" added Mom.

Mom always told me to put on lots of sunscreen! I was happy to see some things never change! "By the way, do you want to ride over with me to the DMV?"

"I'd love to, and it'll give me a chance to ride in your new car," replied Mom.

"What time?" she asked.

"I'd go as early as possible. They get very crowded on Saturdays," added Sam.

We agreed to leave the house by eight so we could be there when they opened at nine. Mom said she'd bring the paperwork showing my name change.

I kissed them both goodnight and went to bed. I drifted off into a pleasant restful night's sleep - no nightmares at all.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Seventeen

Saturday morning I was up early. I was completely ready to go and get my new license; the only problem was that it was only 6:30 AM! I killed the time by reading the paper and watching the birds. We had added a new feeder. Sam had suggested that we put up a finch feeder. It had smaller holes and it was filled with thistle seed. It sure did the job, as we were getting flocks of goldfinches and some purple finches too. It seemed ironic that in nature the males were so colorful and the females so drab - the complete opposite of humans. I wondered if animals ever had gender issues. The finches seemed to enjoy the seed. I was eating a sesame seed bagel with cream cheese and I was enjoying it too.

Mom came down a little after seven. After she got a cup of coffee and toasted her bagel she joined me at the table. She sat there and stared at me and smiled.

"What's up?" I asked.

"I was just thinking about what a lovely young woman you've become. I'm so proud of how you've handled all the changes and challenges in your life this past year!"

"I've had a lot of good help." I took a sip of my tea and then looked at Mom. "Did you ever suspect that I was 'different'?"

Mom sat there for a moment. "Yes. I didn't know that you were transgendered, but I wondered if you might be gay. But as long as you were happy, it didn't matter to me."

"What sorts of things tipped you off?" I asked.

"I can't think of anything specific offhand, but there was just a strong feeling that you had some internal conflicts. At first I thought it was caused by the lack of a father. But when I saw your struggles with dating, I suspected that it might be something more personal."

"Was it that obvious?" I asked, sort of horrified.

"You looked so uncomfortable. I saw that you liked hanging around with girls, but that you were always very nervous when you dated. Something seemed off."

"Why didn't you ever say anything to me?" I asked.

She smiled. "I wanted to, but I was waiting for you to come to me. I did try to make it clear that I would always be there for you."

"That's true. I've always known that I could talk to you, even when I was too stubborn to do it. So this past year when did you know that this was deeper than just a contest for me?" I asked.

Mom took a long sip of her coffee. "That first day Cat brought you home and I saw you dressed. I saw how happy you looked, and it hit me that I now had a daughter."

"Really? Was it that obvious?" I asked.

"It was to me. But then again I'm your mother. I couldn't say anything until you came to me."

What else could I do but lean over and give her a big long hug?

We got in my car and headed over to the DMV. I was a little nervous, but Mom made me feel at ease.

The line wasn't too long at the DMV and we were soon filling out paperwork. The clerk we talked to was really cool and accepted the paperwork without question. Before I knew it my photo had been taken and I was walking out with a new license that identified me as Erika Jean Warren. Of course there'd still be a lot of paperwork to be filled out to completely change all my identification, but this was a great start.

Mom asked if she could drive us home and I reluctantly agreed. It was a good idea, as I just wanted to look at my new license. I kept looking at the little F next to sex. It was another one of those real moments. Mom also seemed to enjoy driving my car.

When we got home we saw Sam cutting the grass. He was getting a chance to try the riding mower that he'd bought the previous week. I couldn't be sure, but he seemed to be really enjoying himself.

Mom noticed it too. "When Jeff Gordon comes in for a pit stop, see if he wants a cold drink," she quipped.

"Maybe we should buy him some racing gloves and a helmet!" I suggested.

"Oh, no. He'd actually wear them!" We both started laughing together.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Eighteen

I went upstairs and checked the clock. I had an hour to get ready before we went to the pool. I stripped down and put on my green bikini. I looked at myself in the mirror. I didn't look too bad. My maleness was completely hidden, and my breasts looked pretty good. I then examined the rest of my body. I was glad I'd followed Laura's advice and got the bikini waxing. I was slim and my legs looked really good from all my running. My waist was thin and flat and, although I wasn't sure, it did look like I was getting a little bigger around the hips. I decided that I'd pass without any problems. If anyone said anything, I could always flash my new driver's license in their face! See, the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania says I'm a girl!

I slipped a pair of shorts and an oversized t-shirt over my suit and put on my sport sandals. I packed up my towel and sunscreen in my beach bag. I grabbed my sunglasses and went downstairs.

"So, you aren't going to let me see you in your suit?" asked Mom.

I put down my bag and took off my shirt and shorts. Mom nodded in approval. Our mother-daughter moment was quickly ended by a loud wolf whistle from Sam.

My face turned beet red as I turned around and saw him standing there looking at me.

"Hey, remember I'm going to be your daughter!" I admonished with a laugh, as I composed myself.

"You never whistled like that at me!" sniffed Mom, pretending to be upset.

"I've never seen you in a bathing suit," remarked Sam with a big smile on his face.

"Well, that can be easily corrected!" She walked over and kissed Sam and then went upstairs.

Mom came down in a few minutes in her bikini and she looked great in it. Sam gave her a long wolf whistle, and she said he was forgiven. She then went out to the deck to lie in the sun.

Sam smiled and watched her walk away.

Cat, Matt, and Laura arrived at the same time and I invited them in. I was glad that they hadn't arrived ten minutes earlier. I hadn't put my shorts and shirt back on, and Cat and Laura smiled at me.

"Nice suit!" Cat complimented.

I struck a model's pose. It was either that or rush to get dressed.

"See, I told you she'd get used to wearing it," Laura replied in a smug manner.

"We're not at the pool yet," I added.

We used Laura's car and headed over to the pool. The pool was big and shaped like a huge L. At one end of the short part of the L was the diving area, twelve feet deep. They also had a kid's pool, known as the pee pool. The ground around the pool was landscaped into slopes. We picked an area a bit further away from the crowds for my sake. We spread out our towels and then we took off our outer clothes. I felt like everyone in the whole pool area was staring at me. We put on tanning lotion. Matt spread some on my back for me. I had to admit that it was cool the way he just accepted me as one of Cat's girlfriends.

I laid down on my back and decided to work on my tan. That way I could also close my eyes. I went for the 'what you don't see won't hurt you' strategy. Cat, Matt and Laura all went for a swim. I was very content to just lie there.

After thirty minutes I turned over and lay on my stomach. I positioned myself so I could watch my friends in the pool. It felt very good just lying there in the sun. I was careful to avoid sunburn. Having grown up in San Diego I knew how much sun I could take at one time before burning. I was also aware that this was my first time out in the sun and the last thing I wanted was to get fried!

I finally gave in and joined them in the pool. I was relieved that my suit didn't fall apart or fall off! It was a really nice day and the water felt wonderful.

We took a break and moved back to the towels. Having something damp and cool on my chest was the first time I'd been at all uncomfortable about wearing a bra. I lay on my back to warm up in the sun. Laura and Cat went to go get some drinks.

"So, did you go swimming much back in California?" asked Matt. "You're from LA aren't you?"

I smiled. "A bit further south. I'm from San Diego. Yes, I did, but not in a pool. We used to go to the beach a lot. I never learned to surf, but I did use a body board."

"That's cool. My family always rents a house at the Jersey shore every summer," remarked Matt.

"Shore?" I asked.

"Yes, it's a Philly/Jersey thing. Like 'Yo' and cheese steaks," added Matt, with a laugh.

"I want to go to Philly someday. I want to meet all my future in-laws and I'd also love to see all the historical sites."

Matt told me all about the city and the area. I could see why Cat liked him so much. Cat and Laura returned with the drinks. I didn't realize how thirsty I was.

We spent a few hours there, and by the time we left I was very comfortable being out in my bikini. I also must admit that I was a little turned on by some of the looks I got from some of the guys. As Sandra had told me, I might as well enjoy the compliments. Hey, I was very happy with Laura, but a girl never turns away compliments.

Matt was taking Cat out to dinner that night. Laura suggested that we catch a movie together. Laura dropped us off and told me she'd come by around six. I kissed her goodbye and said goodbye to Cat and Matt.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Nineteen

I went upstairs to shower and change. I was pleasantly surprised to see my new tan lines. It was quite obvious that I'd been wearing a bikini! I thought that the contrast between tan and no tan even made my breasts stand out more! I took a nice long shower and rinsed away the smell of chlorine. I also rinsed out my bathing suit and hung it up to dry.

I slipped on a cotton skirt, a sleeveless t-shirt, and a pair of sandals. I was so glad that it was warm again outside. I did grab my denim jacket for when it got cooler.

Mom and Sam had gone out. I read Mom's note. They were moving the last things out of Sam's old apartment. There was still some furniture, but Sam had sold that to the landlord. They were also expecting to hear soon about their offer on the house. It was cool that they were buying it. I loved where we lived. The bush had exorcised the last evil spirits and now it really felt like a home.

Sam said he'd love to fence in the backyard and get a dog. He wanted a lab or a setter. I thought that was a great idea, although I still wanted to get a cat. Sam was sure cats and dogs could live together. Growing up they'd had several cats and a black lab and they'd all got along pretty well.

Laura picked me up before they got back. I wrote them a quick note and left. We grabbed a quick meal and ended up seeing the latest summer blockbuster. It was okay. I would have preferred a plot to go with the special effects.

We went over to Spencer's and got some cappuccinos. It was late and I didn't want something really sweet. I skipped the pie too, although Laura did give me some of her cheesecake.

"I have a really cool tan line now," I confessed.

"Hmmm, I'd love to see it," she replied and we kissed. We left and drove over to her house. Her parents were over at the neighbors' so we were alone.

I started to get undressed, but Laura stopped me. Instead, she undressed me. She slowly helped me out of my clothes. She then slipped off my bra with the boob pads. Then she stepped back and admired my body.

"That's so cool looking. I can't wait until your tan darkens. Of course, you'll need to lower your straps in the future so you'll get an even tan on your shoulders. And when you lie on your stomach you can undo the back," she explained.

"Well, let me see your tan line now," I asked softly.

I sat on the edge of the bed and Laura slowly undressed. She took off her dress and then her bra. I hoped that my breasts would get to be that round and full someday!

We kissed and fondled each other. I loved the intimacy of our time together. It was loving and sharing and not just a quick effort to get off.

We were lying on the bed holding each other, "May I ask you something personal?" asked Laura.

I laughed. "How much more personal can you get?"

She smiled. "Well, I can't help but notice that you don't get hard when we cuddle. I was wondering if it was because of the hormones or the gaff or something else?"

"Well, it does initially get hard, then it softens. Maybe my mind is becoming female in a sexual manner. It's still sensitive." I didn't mind discussing this with Laura, as I knew she was truly interested in my transition.

"Do you still... umm... pleasure yourself?" she asked.

I smiled. "Yes, I do, but I find that I pay much more attention to my nipples now."

"That's incredible. It's amazing how readily the body and mind adapt," remarked Laura and she kissed me again.

We got dressed and she drove me home. She said that she'd see me again tomorrow, as Terri had invited her family over for dinner tomorrow. We kissed again and I went in. It had been a wonderful day!

Chapter Two-Hundred-Twenty

I'm jumping right to Sunday evening and our dinner at Terri and Cat's. As I said earlier, the guests were Mr. & Mrs. Adams, Laura, Sam, Mom, and I. Of course, Matt was there too.

Terri had become very fond of Matt. She had initially been worried about Cat getting too involved with him. But she trusted Cat to do the right thing. In many ways Cat was mature beyond her years. I've always trusted her advice.

Matt was very interested in talking to Sam. They sat out on the deck discussing the Rev and some of Sam's other investigations and cases. Cat slipped out to join in the conversation.

Dinner was very nice. Laura's parents were now very friendly with Sam and Mom. I still think they were still a little wary about me and I also think they were still sort of hoping that Laura would suddenly turn heterosexual.

Mrs. Adams was very pleased that Terri and Mom would be on the trip to NYC with us. She was also glad that we had a professional driver.

"So, how much does something like that cost?" asked Mrs. Adams.

"I'm not really sure; Erika's employer, Mrs. Lincoln, is picking up the tab," explained Mom.

"I've talked to her a few times at civic events," said Mrs. Adams. "What's she really like?"

"To be honest, I'm not really sure I can answer that. I do know she is very generous, extremely protective, and supportive of her friends and employees. Actually, employee is too general a term. When you work for her you become part of her family; she refers to all of us as her girls. I feel honored to be one of her girls," I replied.

Mr. Adams seemed very impressed. "She does seem to inspire great loyalty in her staff. I've never met anyone who has worked for her that has ever said a negative thing about her."

"How did you get hired by her?" asked Mrs. Adams.

"She called me and asked me to work for her," I replied. "I never

applied for anything or even expressed an interest in working for her."

"Mrs. Lincoln first met Erika during homecoming," added Laura.

"Well, you showed her something," stated Mr. Adams. "Don't downplay it. You should be very proud that she wanted you."

"She personally recruits all her employees," I added.

"Yes, that's what I've heard. It definitely creates a loyal staff. I hope you've been paying attention to the way she runs her business, Erika," noted Mr. Adams. He smiled at me. "You can learn a lot from someone like her."

"I have already! It's been a great experience."

I could tell that I'd actually impressed Mr. Adams! Laura winked at me; apparently she knew that I'd made some points with her Dad.

After dinner the adults stayed in the dining room and we moved out to the deck.

"Well, Dad likes you now," informed Laura.

"I'm not sure about your mom," I replied.

"She'll come around. She likes you, but I don't think she fully understands about your being transsexual."

Matt looked at me. "Don't be offended or anything, but I find it hard to believe you ever were a male. I doubt I'd have ever suspected anything if I hadn't been told. And remember, I'm training to be a cop!" He started to laugh.

"I'm not offended, rather I take that as a compliment," I replied.

I knew that Matt had questions for me but was afraid of offending me or Cat.

"Look, I don't mind talking about this; in fact, I enjoy educating people," I remarked.

"That sounds like the teacher in you. I remember you telling me that during the prom," he replied.

"So, what do you want to know?" I asked. I sat down next to Laura.

He thought for a moment. "Do you have any regrets about doing this?" he asked.

"No, not that I can think of. I mean, it would have been great to start this years ago, but I wasn't ready then. In fact, I was in heavy denial. It wasn't until I started the competition that my barriers dropped and I began to see the real me."

"So, do you think that if you hadn't entered the contest then you might not have transitioned?" he asked.

He was going to be a great investigator; he really knew the right questions to ask. "I'm sure it would have come out eventually, but I'm sure it would have been more painful and difficult," I answered.

"Thanks, I'll stop the interrogation now," he stated with a laugh.

"You can do me a favor," I asked.

"What would that be?" asked Matt.

"Treat any transgendered person you meet in your career with the respect that you would any other person. The police department here has received training so that they handle transgendered crime victims and criminals properly. I have no complaints about the way they've treated me. But the same cannot be said for many other police departments. I've read many horror stories about the way some of them deal with transgendered people," I explained. "Sorry, I'll get off my soap box now!"

"Hey, I'm not offended. You have a legit complaint. I promise that I won't mistreat any transgendered people, especially victims," promised Matt. There was a determination in his voice that told me he was telling the truth.

I smiled, he smiled back.

The conversation shifted to more mundane topics. We talked for another hour and then it was time to leave. We all said goodnight. Tomorrow would begin the last week of classes! I couldn't believe that school was almost over.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Twenty-One

Cat, Laura, and I arrived at school and we really couldn't believe that this was the last week of classes. The school year seemed to have flown by. When we walked into school there was a large table set up to hand out yearbooks. They had lines set up by last name. I went down to the T through Z line and picked up my book. I flipped the pages until I saw my photo. As the entries had been finalized after my decision to go fulltime they had my name as Erika. It was another one of those real moments. I stared at my name and photo and just let it soak in. I read through my short bio and found that everything was accurate.

I also paged through the book and saw that they had used several photos that I had submitted. I wasn't on the staff, but I was a 'contributing photographer'. It was cool seeing shots that I'd taken in print.

The teachers absolutely hated the fact that the books had been given out before school. Mr. Grant thought it was 'completely idiotic' that they'd handed them out in the morning. The books were, of course, a real distraction, as people wanted to look through them and pass them around to be signed. We passed them around in homeroom and it was a real task to keep track of whose book you were signing.

The rest of the day was a battle between students and faculty over the books. Mr. Kline was pretty cool and he allowed us to have the last fifteen minutes of class to get signatures. I signed a lot of books, even those of people I barely knew. Cat had told me earlier that contestants were treated like celebrities and everyone wanted to get their book signed by them, so I figured I'd have writer's cramp by the end of the week!

I also wanted to get my teachers to sign my book. Yes, this was a bit geeky, but I didn't care. I especially wanted Mrs. Lee, Coach, Mr. Kline, Mrs. Roberts and of course Ms. B. I doubt I'd have made it through the year without their help.

Lunch was just a big book signing party. I doubt anyone was really eating. I held off getting my closest friends, such as Laura, Cat, and Kristen, as we were going to sign each other's books Wednesday evening over at Guido's. Kristen and Laura had set up a small signing party.

I really didn't get a chance to look at the book until sixth period. Mr. Kline didn't have any work for me, so I was able to enjoy mine in a leisurely manner. I was pleased to see that they had a good picture of The Pit taken during one of the games. I could make out myself in the middle of it all, or least I thought I could! I went to the cross- country page and was pleasantly surprised to see that I was in one of the action shots. It was the one race that I'd won, and they had a shot of me just before I crossed the finish line. I didn't even know that anyone had taken that one. They also had a great picture of Rachael running at the State Finals. I could just about make out my initials on her shoes.

The football section was really good. They had some great photos of Alex and Mike. They even had a shot of Mike on the sideline waving my torn t-shirt. I wanted him to sign that page!

I then saw the homecoming photos. The event seemed like it had happened years ago. I smiled while musing about how much fun that evening had been. I was pleased to see there was no mention that I was a scholarship contestant. I wasn't ashamed of being the first contestant to be elected to the homecoming court; I just didn't want it to be the main focal point.

Next I turned to the section for the scholarship competition and saw that they had all our initial photos with our names. There were some photos of various events. I was surprised that they had photos from the fashion show, including one of me tossing the bouquet. They must have just got them in before printing. I then saw something that caught me off guard. I must have skipped it when I first looked at the initial photos of the contestants. They had a photo of Jason as Jan. I stared at it in silence. I could feel my anger rising, as I felt he had forfeited any right to be in the yearbook.

I debated what I should do about it. I finally solved the problem for myself and I took out a black sharpie and very carefully blacked out his photo and name. I debated just drawing prison bars, but decided that he needed to be totally blacked out. I was very precise and avoided damaging other photos or the book itself; I even used a ruler to ensure the edges were straight. I was very pleased with the job I had done. I looked in the index in the back of the book and was relieved to see that his name wasn't listed anywhere else. I then blacked his name out of the index.

The blackening out of Jason's photo was a nice exercise and it calmed me down. I figured that it was just a mistake that he'd been left in. I paged through the candid shots and smiled when I saw one of me when I was 'with child' - someone had gotten a shot of me standing outside during the evacuation of school. I noticed that Alex's brother, Nick, was standing next to me in the photo. I showed him the picture and asked him to sign the page. He was shocked and pleased that a senior would ask him to sign their yearbook. I liked him a lot. While he wasn't as good an athlete as his brother, he was just as charming and friendly. He also was happy to just be himself and not try to live up to his brother's legacy.

I was also able to get Mr. Kline to sign my book. He wrote a really nice paragraph to me. He hoped that I'd become a teacher and maybe someday we could be colleagues.

I swung by Ms. B's office and she reminded me about the scholarship meeting after school. I then told her about Jason/Jan's picture in the yearbook. She instantly had a look of horror on her face. She looked in the yearbook on her desk and shook her head.

"I'm so sorry. I had no idea that they'd kept his picture in it," Ms. B apologized.

"Nothing can be done about it now. I used a marker and deleted him." I showed her my book.

"Still I'd better go let Mrs. Lee know about this, just in case we get any phone calls from irate parents."

I walked over to Mrs. Lee's office with her. "Who else will really get upset about this? I'm sure that my parents won't be."

Ms. B smiled at me. "I'm sure they won't. But there are other parents who will get worked up about it. By the way, I noticed you said 'my parents'. That has a nice ring to it."

I had to think about it for a moment. She was right on both counts. We entered Mrs. Lee's office and Ms. B showed the picture to Mrs. Lee, who just sat there shaking her head.

"Every year something slips through, however this is inexcusable. I'm very sorry, Erika," apologized Mrs. Lee.

"Thank you. I'm not that upset anymore. I sort of took care of the problem in my book." I showed her the blacked out picture.

"I suppose that's one way to solve the problem," smiled Mrs. Lee.

I asked her if she'd sign my book and she gladly accepted. I looked at the clock and saw that I needed to get going.

"Can you sign my book tomorrow, Ms. B?" I asked.

"Absolutely. Stop by anytime," she offered.

I excused myself and left. Cat and Laura were waiting for me out by the car. I told them what had happened and they immediately opened up their yearbooks. Without a word they began to cover up his photo.

"I think that solves that problem!" announced Cat.

"What problem?" asked Laura, tongue firmly in cheek.

"Exactly." Cat smiled.

I just stood there and smiled.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Twenty-Two

Work was fun that evening. Cindy kept me busy, which was how I liked it. Sales for weddings were still strong, and we were beginning to get customers wanting dresses for the mid-summer ball at the country club. I didn't do a lot of actual sales work. It was more to do with my age than anything else. Many of the women who shopped in the store didn't want a 17-year-old girl helping them select a dress for a wedding party. I didn't mind that much, even though I knew more about fashion than many of them! Mrs. Lincoln ensured that we all kept up with the latest fashion trends and what accessories went best with each outfit.

That was another of the little ironies about my transition. A year ago my fashion sense had consisted of ensuring my t-shirt matched my shorts. Now I even knew how to dress properly for the theater. I was also very good at selecting the correct accessories for my own outfits. Mrs. Lincoln was very demanding about our appearance both at work and away from work. She'd given me 'constructive criticism' several times about the way I'd been dressed when I arrived at work. While she might have sounded overly formal and harsh to an outsider, we all knew that she did it because she cared about us. She never corrected us in public either, it was always done privately. Looking back, I owe so much to Mrs. Lincoln. I learned so much from her, from fashion to how to deal with people politely and diplomatically. I was very lucky that I was one of her girls.

After work I drove my car home. I love saying that, MY CAR! I arrived home and glanced over at the bush. It was doing well and seemed to be adapting to its new home. Sam was working on some briefs for work and the kitchen table was covered in paperwork. As usual when he got into a case he lost all track of time.

"Hi, Dad. I take it you haven't eaten yet," I asked.

"Hi, Erika. No, I haven't eaten," he replied. He barely lifted his head from his paperwork.

I looked in the fridge. I knew that Sam really wouldn't care what was for dinner, as his mind was deep in the case. I made some pasta and a salad. Mom came in just as I was finishing.

"Hello, everyone," greeted Mom. "Hmm... that smells good."

"Hi, Mom." She came over and hugged me.

Sam never lifted his head, but he did say hi. Mom looked at me and smiled and shrugged her shoulders. We both admired the dedication that he put into preparing his cases. He did however clear away most of his papers so we could eat. We also knew NOT to touch his papers!

"Sorry. This case is very important, plus I really want to get this guy."

I could understand Sam's desire to get a conviction in this particular case. The defendant had been charged with stalking and beating up his ex-girlfriend. The guy had been served a restraining order to stay away from her. Within hours after the court order he'd kicked down her door and beaten her up badly. Sam figured the guy had gone from the courtroom to a bar, and then to her apartment. They'd caught him a block away after he'd crashed his car into a utility pole. He was found passed out in the front seat.

Sam took all cases seriously, but he really disliked guys like that defendant. Sam really took his duty as a protector of society seriously. I also think the reason why Sam wanted this guy so badly was because he'd thumbed his nose at the legal system by so quickly and deliberately violating the restraining order.

"We have a strong case, but I want to make sure he gets the maximum sentence," added Sam.

"How's the woman doing?" asked Mom.

"Good, considering the circumstances. She's also seeing Jenny. She can't get better help than that," he replied.

"I agree!" I concurred. I was pleased that Sam thought so highly of Jenny.

"Erika, you don't mind us talking about this?" asked Sam; there was a slight tone of concern in his voice.

"No, not at all, I'm glad you are there to put these jerks away." I put strong emphasis on the word 'jerks'.

"Jerks?" Sam smiled. "You pick that up from Tom Bell?"

"Yes, he said 'jerk' was the proper legal term," I replied with a smile. I knew Sam had his eye on Tom. He saw a lot of potential in him.

Sam nodded and smiled, and then went back to work so we left him alone. Mom told me about the phone call from Mrs. Lee, apologizing for the picture of Jason/Jan in the yearbook. I told her of my solution. She seemed to approve. I retrieved my yearbook from my room and showed it to Mom. I fixed us each a mug of tea and we looked through it together. I could tell that Sam was deep in thought, as he never made a crack about us both drinking tea!

Chapter Two-Hundred-Twenty-Three

Tuesday was a busy day. First, it was the last day of classes for seniors. Second, it would be the last official meeting of the Fab Four. Then there'd be the meeting with next year's contestants. I was really looking forward to that!

The morning consisted of reviews for finals and getting yearbooks signed. The flap over Jason's photo had seemed to pass. Many people just blanked his picture out. I was pleased that it didn't become a huge issue.

At lunch Caroline and I arrived first for the meeting. We traded yearbooks to write our sentiments. Denise showed up a few minutes later. I was a bit surprised that she had a yearbook, as it seemed out of character for her. But I should have learned never to make an assumption about Denise. We passed our books around.

Ms. B walked into the meeting along with Lisa. I noticed that Lisa's eyes were red, as if she'd been crying. She also looked very relieved.

"Good afternoon, everyone," greeted Ms. B. She was standing there with her arm around Lisa. They looked at each other and Ms. B nodded.

"I need to say a few things to all of you. First, I consider all of you my friends and I wouldn't have gotten this far without your support. I have decided to drop out," announced Lisa.

We all sat there in silence. Lisa was holding back tears. We all waited for her to finish.

"I want to graduate as Glenn. This is very important to me and the more I thought about it, the less important the scholarship seemed. My own well-being is more important than money, and I finally see that, after many sleepless nights," explained Lisa.

I stood up and walked over and hugged her, and was quickly joined by Caroline and Denise. I could understand her/his need to feel at ease.

"So, you aren't going to try and talk me out of this?" asked Lisa/Glenn.

"No, it's your decision and as your friend I fully support you," stated Caroline.

"I agree with Caroline," I added. I had mixed feelings but I knew what could happen when you ignored your personal well-being.

"Same here," chorused Denise.

Ms. B stood back and watched us. She seemed very pleased with all of our reactions and responses. I figured that Glenn and Ms. B had had a long talk about this issue. I also knew that Ms. B would keep it private.

"Glenn, you're welcome to stay, but I need to talk to the remaining contestants," she explained.

He nodded and sat there and signed our yearbooks.

"Now, I know all of you have volunteered to speak this afternoon and I appreciate it. It will be similar to the meeting that you attended last year. As you weren't here last year, Erika, I'll tell you what will happen. First, I'll present the rules and regulations of the contest and then there will be a question and answer period. In addition to you three, there will be several of the contestants who dropped out. Now you don't have to answer any question that you feel is too personal."

"Sounds good," I stated. "Who are the other speakers?"

"Andrew/Anne, Charlie/Claire and I also have one of the boys who only lasted a few weeks. His name is Bill Abbott," replied Ms. B.

I knew Bill and had forgotten that he'd once been a contestant. I actually had to look in the yearbook to remember what he'd looked like as a girl. I also figured that it would probably be too emotional for Glenn to speak at that point.

I was happy that Glenn was happy. Having had more than my share of emotional stress this year, I fully understood his decision. I would still miss Lisa. It then hit me that Denise had to be the third! Still I'd wait until she said something about it.

During 6th period I looked through my yearbook and started to look through the main section. I saw that Caroline also had had her profile updated to show her as female. Glenn's profile didn't, and there was no mention of the contest in his bio. Lisa was, of course, in the scholarship pages. I then flipped to find Denise's profile. I saw that she'd had her profile updated and didn't mention her male name. Denise had pulled off a stealth transition!

Chapter Two-Hundred-Twenty-Four

The meeting for next year's competition was held in the auditorium after school. I showed Caroline the yearbook entry for Denise and we both smiled. Denise walked over to us and saw that we were looking at her profile. She broke out in smile. "I was wondering when someone would make the connection," said Denise.

"When did you know?" I asked. "Oh, by the way, congratulations!"

"Thanks, Erika. I've always known. My sisters used to let me dress in their clothes when I was growing up. They thought it was cool that I wanted to be a girl," explained Denise.

"Why didn't you tell us?" asked Caroline. "It would have been nice to know we weren't alone and we could have helped each other."

"I figured if I came out no one would take me seriously anyway. If I'd declared that I was TS it might have hurt you two by association, so I just kept it to myself and Ms. B," explained Denise. "I know that I'm a bit of a flake, and that most here at school don't take me seriously. However, in the band I'm taken very seriously as both a musician and a girl."

"I think it's wonderful. I'm happy to be your friend," I stated.

"Erika, you are one of the exceptions here; you've always been cool with me. Maybe it's because you were new here this year and you have no prior knowledge of me. I appreciate that you've been one of my friends all year. Caroline, I also appreciate that you've changed your opinion of me. I know that you initially thought of me as the strange kid in a bad garage band, and I always thought you were a bit stuck up. But I'm happy that we're now friends. I guess we've all changed some this year."

We both stood there speechless. Caroline broke the silence. "Well, I'm glad that is water under the bridge." All three of us hugged again.

Ms. B walked over and looked at us. "So, the secret is out?"

We all nodded.

Well, this definitely will be a year to remember!" exclaimed Ms. B with a smile. "This is also only the second year that a TS student has won the scholarship. Sandra was the only previous winner, and she didn't come out until after school was over."

I smiled thinking how we had smashed that record, but at the same time it would have been nice to share with a non-TS contestant.

We sat down on the edge of the stage and watched as the various contestants entered the gym. I recognized a few of them from my classes. There were several from the history class where I'd been a TA. I was pleasantly surprised to see Alex's brother Nick sit down. He smiled at me and I gave him the thumbs up sign.

The rest of the ex-contestants entered and joined us on the edge of the stage. I also noticed nine or ten girls walk in and sit down with the rest of the contestants. Ms. B just smiled and winked at us. A few more people walked in and sat down. I did a quick headcount and determined that there were forty-two boys and sixteen girls.

Once everyone was there, Ms. B began to speak. "I want to welcome you all to this informational meeting for those interested in next year's senior scholarship contest. I'm Ms. Bell and I am the coordinator for the contest. First off, I want to say that this is strictly an informational meeting. You don't need to decide one way or the other if you want to participate. Additionally, if you have friends interested and they couldn't be here today, they're not disqualified."

No one got up and left, so I guess that was a good sign.

"Okay, first let me tell you that as always there will be some changes in the contest from this year, so please read the handbook carefully. Now the first big change is that there will be two contests. For the first time we are having a contest open to girls. Of course they will be held to the same strict rules as the boys. Like the boys who will live 24/7 as girls, they'll have to do the same and live 24/7 as boys. It won't be just put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt and collect a full scholarship. It will require appropriate haircuts and following a very rigid set of grooming rules. For example, you will not shave your legs, etc."

One girl got up and walked out. Another girl raised her hand. "Some boys wear their hair long, so why can't we keep our hair long?"

"That's true, but they usually don't have it styled with bangs like yours. If you're in doubt on what is appropriate, then see me before the start of school," explained Ms. B.

There were a few laughs following the bangs remark but no one else left.

"Now, specific grooming and clothing standards are in your handbooks, so please read them carefully. Next, the scholarship money will be staggered. In the event of a tie next year, we will take other things into account. Of course, for a tie to occur two or more will have to make it to graduation. If everyone quits at the same time in the middle of the year, then a committee will decide the winner. Boys and girls are not competing against each other. There will be winners in each gender group. First place in each group will receive a full four- year scholarship plus expenses; second place will receive 90 percent and third 80 percent. Of course, that's only in the case of a tie. 75 percent will be the lowest amount anyone will receive who ties at the end of the year."

A boy in the front row raised his hand. "Ms. B, what sort of things are you talking about in breaking a tie?"

"Things like participation in school events, clubs, job, etc. Additionally, there will be some optional challenges next year, in addition to the mandatory challenges. At the end of the year we will evaluate the contestant's records and then make a decision. The possibility exists for a real tie, but don't count on it. Also there will a job fair this fall for anyone interested. The companies at the fair want to support the contest and will offer gender specific jobs to contestants."

"What were the mandatory challenges this year?" asked another boy.

"There was a fashion show, working as a waitress at the big charity dinner, taking child development, and a few others. I do want to make one thing VERY clear. The challenges are not designed to embarrass or humiliate you. They are to give you insight into the gender you are experiencing."

I looked at Nick and he smiled and extended his belly when Ms. B mentioned the child development class. I had to hold back from laughing.

"Now, at some point next year the scholarship committee will determine a date at which all remaining contestants will receive some money. These dates are determined by the committee and are not announced. However, the school has agreed that anyone who makes it through the first semester will get extra academic credit for a course in 'Cultural Differences'.

One of the girls raised her hand and asked a question. "Excuse me, but what will be some of the challenges for the girls?"

"You will be required to take shop. The choices are wood, metal, or auto. You will also be waiters and busboys for the dinner, and caddies for a golf tournament. There will be a few others that we are still arranging."

She then turned around and introduced us to the audience. She said that we were here to answer any questions related to our experience in the competition. Ms. B also reminded them to keep the questions relevant and appropriate.

"I have a question," asked a red headed boy in the back. "What would be the best advice you could give us?"

Bill Abbott answered that one. "Follow the rules. If Ms. B says something, don't try to find a way around the rules. Not everyone quits from the contest. During the first few weeks many are kicked out for rules violations. That's what happened to me."

"What did you do?" asked another boy.

"It's more along the lines of what I didn't do. We were supposed to wear skirts or dresses at least three days of the week, and I figured that no one would be keeping track. I figured wrong!" His response was followed by lots of laughter.

"I'd like to add that if you have problems or issues, always let Ms. B know. They have help available," I added.

"Use the discount card!" added Caroline. "It'll save you a boatload of money, especially if the contests lasts as long as ours did."

"I'd suggest that you should find a close friend or relative to help you with the day to day things, especially in the first couple of weeks," stated Andrew.

Charlie looked around and then spoke. "Keep an open mind and accept help when it's offered. Don't try to do this alone. I also agree with Erika, see Ms. B when you need help or have questions."

There was a lot of nodding in agreement and a few were taking notes. Another hand went up. "When did you start dressing for the contest?" asked a blond haired boy.

I started this one. "I started around two weeks before school began. It was a big help, especially when it came to getting dressed and doing my makeup. It made me feel much more at ease. You don't want your first day in a dress to be the first day of school."

"I started around the same time, and I agree with Erika. Looking back, I wish I'd started sooner," commented Denise. Caroline and I were amazed she said that with a straight face. We both had to hold in laughs.

The next few questions concerned classes and schedules. Then we got into the more serious questions. We were asked if there were any problems with our families over the contest. The answers included problems during the holidays and things like that. Caroline didn't answer and I didn't blame her. Ms. B stated that sometimes family issues did occur and they should be addressed as soon as possible. She went on to tell them that counseling would be available for anyone who wanted it.

I got an even more personal question from one of the boys. I think he was trying to impress his friends by being funny or controversial, but he ended up looking like a total jackass. He asked me if I considered the contest safe and did I feel I was warned sufficiently about potential problems and did I think that the contest was responsible for what happened to me. He had a stupid looking grin on his face as he waited for me to respond. There was a deafening silence in the auditorium after he asked it. People were staring at him speechless. Ms B was about to step in, but I waved her off.

"The contest wasn't responsible for what happened to me. For those who don't know what he's talking about, I was sexually assaulted back in the fall. The person who attacked me was a student here and had been expelled for attacking me earlier in the year. He was the problem, not the contest. I'll say that the school provided me with great support and assistance. Did I answer your question?"

I smiled a very sweet smile at him that bordered on psychotic. It was designed to make him feel three inches tall, and I think it worked. I had been studying Sam's smile for this sort of emergency. My answer was greeted by applause and he got up and slinked out. Ms. B looked at me and smiled while shaking her head.

"That does remind me of one important thing. If you are teased, harassed, or bothered in any way because of your participation, you should contact me immediately. The school's code of conduct protects you, just as it would any other student," reminded Ms. B. "We will also attempt to help you with any such problems outside of school."

Another boy asked about the length of the contest.

"The length is strictly determined by the students who enter the contest. This year's group had the correct mixture of participants to make it last this long. Last year's contest barely made it to winter break, so it's all up to you!" explained Ms. B

There were a few more questions, but nothing controversial.

"I want you all to read the rule book very carefully. There is a phone number and an e-mail address inside the front cover that you can use to ask questions over the summer. This is a great opportunity to learn about the opposite gender and a chance to get some money for college," reiterated Ms. B. She then dismissed everyone.

After the juniors left Ms. B walked over to me. "I'm sorry about that question, Erika, but you handled it well."

"Thanks. So, when did they make the decision to start an FtM branch of the contest?" I asked.

"They wanted to wait until a contestant went the whole year. I'll tell you more next week during our dinner. By the way, I've invited Caroline and Denise to join us, I didn't think you'd mind."

"No, not at all, that sounds great! So will we get our secret decoder rings that night?" I asked.

Ms. B just smiled.

I looked at my watch and said goodbye, as I had to head to therapy.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Twenty-Five

Laura gave me a lift to see Jenny. Although she had a bit heavier schedule than I, Laura wasn't worried about her final exams. She didn't talk about it much, but her GPA was almost as high as Cat's. Laura said that she loved coming here because it gave her a chance to catch up on the scandal sheets.

Jenny and I focused a lot of our session on my emotions and adapting to them. Jenny was obviously still concerned about my reoccurring posttraumatic stress, especially with the increased emotional flow due to the hormones. She also told me to be aware of getting depressed following the surgery.

"It's very common for patients having surgery to get depressed. You're especially at risk due to the nature of your surgery. You know that you'll initially look pretty bad afterwards. It may bring back memories of your attack."

"I've thought of that. Dr. Ayres also told me that I might feel regrets. I promise to call you if I have problems," I replied.

"I've already called up Dr. Ayres and briefed him on your status. Your mom insisted that I do this, and she gave me permission to talk to him," explained Jenny.

I smiled. It was nice to know that I had so many people looking out for me.

On the way out I told her about Sam and his dedication to his latest case. "I just wanted you to know that he thinks very highly of you."

"The feeling is mutual. It's wonderful having a DA who is so dedicated, especially when it comes to abuse and sexual assault cases. He's gaining a great reputation."

I felt a sense of pride as she praised my dad!

Laura stood up when we came out and handed me one of the papers. "Hi Jenny. Erika you have to read this one!"

Jenny said goodbye and left us alone.

I looked at the article. It was about one of the chimps at the San Diego Zoo. "Hey, this is about Pearl. She was the one Kristen and I did our science project on. She was on the Chimp Cam," I explained.

Laura smiled. "Wait until you read the rest of it!"

It went on to describe how a pet psychic claimed that the chimp used to be a human! The psychic went on to say that the chimp claims that it has memories of being in the navy, but that was all it could recall. Unfortunately the chimp couldn't prove this to other people, since it couldn't read or write. The psychic also claimed that the process that was used to transform the man into the chimp apparently erased most of his memory.

I handed it back to her. "You know, for someone who has such a high IQ you sure read some garbage. This was worse than that magic slot machine!"

We headed over to Spencer's and some post-therapy cappuccinos. I gave up on the fruit smoothie for the evening. I desperately needed the caffeine. I also got a slice of key lime pie.

I told her about the changes in the contest and how there would be a category for girls next year.

"So, would you do it?" I asked.

"No way. I like dressing up too much. So would you?"

We both started laughing.

"Alex's brother was at the meeting," I added.

"Maybe he was there to see you. The kid has a real crush on you."

"What?" I exclaimed. I took a sip of my cappuccino.

"Oh, Erika! It was so obvious at the Memorial Day barbecue. He kept staring at you like a little puppy. I think it's cute."

I thought back to the party at Alex's house. Nick had hung out around me a lot that day.

"He'll get over me," I smiled. I thought about his having felt so honored that I'd ask him to sign my yearbook. I guessed I should feel honored. "Well this is a first! I never thought I'd be the object of a high school crush."

Laura smiled and leaned over and kissed me. "Actually, I was first. I wanted you from the first day we met!" She had a twinkle in her eye and a big smile on her face.

It was very difficult for both of us to go home, but there were finals in the morning. School can be very inconvenient at times!

Chapter Two-Hundred-Twenty-Six

I actually went home and studied that evening. I had my Child Development final in the morning. Mrs. Roberts had said that it would a 100 question multiple-choice test. I really didn't like multiple- guess tests, as I always seemed to read too much into the answers. I also had my Law & Enforcement final tomorrow. I had misread the finals schedule earlier, one of those 'blonde' moments. Mr. Kline said that the test would be half multiple choice and half essay. It was a pain having two finals back to back, but the good thing about it was that I only had one final after that. American Lit was first thing Friday morning. Thursday would be a do nothing day since Photography and PE didn't have finals. I was worried most about the American Lit final, but I had a solid A going into the test. My Steinbeck paper had been very well received. My teacher had said that it was obvious that I was getting my work proofread now, as there were fewer errors in my writing. I noticed that she only said that there were less errors and not that it was error free!

I won't bore you with a test-by-test commentary, but I did pretty well on my finals on Wednesday. I scored a ninety-one on my Child Development final. I should have done better, but I thought too much on several questions and missed a few answers that I should have gotten right. I got a ninety-eight on the Law & Enforcement final! I aced the essay question, thanks to having the inside track. We had a choice of essay questions to answer and I'd selected the one that asked for a description of the criminal trial process. Sam would be happy! I only missed two multiple guess questions. Again, reading too much into the questions got me.

After finals most of us hung around school and signed yearbooks. I went by Ms. B's office and handed her my book. She wrote a very long write-up in my book.

"Here you go, Erika. It's been a real pleasure watching you bloom this year."

I read her write-up in my book. It was very emotional and personal. I felt tears forming in my eyes as I read it. They were the tears of joy you get when you know that someone close to you truly loves and supports you. I put the book down and hugged Ms. B for several minutes.

"Now it's your turn." She handed me a yearbook. "I like to keep one myself for all my favorite students and especially the contestants."

I sat down and tried to express my true feelings for her. She had helped me through some of the most trying experiences in my life and helped me to grow and discover my true self. I don't know if I truly expressed my feelings, but she seemed to approve of what I wrote. We hugged again and went through some more Kleenex.

I collected a few more faculty signatures before I caught up with Cat and Laura. The plan was to go home and study for a while and then go over to the pizza place for the little signing party.

I actually did some studying. I had a low A going into the final, and I really wanted it to stay that way. I really wanted to get straight A's for the semester. I'd never done that before, and I thought it would be a great graduation gift to Mom and Sam.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Twenty-Seven

Around 5:00 Cat and Laura came over and we headed to Guido's. I'd been looking forward to this all day.

As we pulled in we saw Caroline and Paul walking across the parking lot with Mike and Tracey. Alex and Kristen were already inside. There were some others from school there, mostly jocks, cheerleaders, and student government types.

As the 'official good luck charm' of the football team I was in high demand by the football players. I still find that thought amusing.

I really took my time writing my responses in the books of my closest friends. Those people had been there for me through some very trying times, and I wanted to tell them how much they meant to me. I noticed that my new emotional loosening allowed me to truly express my appreciation and love for these people.

Of all the ones I had to write, Paul's write-up was the hardest. I guess you never really get over your first love. Thankfully,we were still great friends, but I thought there would always be a feeling of 'what if?' between us.

Laura's wasn't hard to write at all. The only problem I had was keeping it short and not getting too mushy.

I really took my time with Cat's write-up. I still had some feelings for her, but I knew that they'd never be acted on. What existed between us was deeper than just friendship, and I guess you could call us sisters.

Kristen did a great job in setting up the party and she ensured that everyone got a chance at all the books.

The second half of the party consisted of us reading the write-ups in our own books. Mike's was pretty good. He said that there'd always be a ticket for me at any game he was playing in. He's kept his word too, and that's how I ended up with forty-yard line seats for the last two Super Bowls!

I won't go into all the write-ups, but let's just say that I went through my share of Kleenex that night.

The party broke up around nine and we headed home. I felt a bit melancholy as I sat at the kitchen table sipping a cup of tea. Mom and I were looking through the yearbook. Sam walked in and joined us; he was, of course, drinking his coffee.

"You'd feel better if you were drinking coffee!" His sly smile told me that he was trying to cheer me up.

"The concept of being totally at peace with oneself originated around a teapot," I responded with a smile.

"Where did that come from?" asked Sam.

"From a tea box," I replied.

"Ahhh... propaganda from the tea people," stated Sam as he started to laugh.

Our little tea-coffee banter cheered me up.

"Thanks. I was just a little sad over the end of school and the splitting up of my friends."

"It's all part of life. I think that you'll stay in touch with many of your friends," remarked Mom.

"I hope so," I answered.

Sam excused himself and went back to working on the case. Mom and I sat and continued looking at my yearbook. Mom was relaxed, as her classes were over for now. She wouldn't have another class until the fall and that suited her fine. It would be cool to be going to college with Mom. Granted, we wouldn't be in the same classes or anything like that, but still it was neat that we'd be able to tell people we were classmates!

Chapter Two-Hundred-Twenty-Eight

Thursday, as expected, was a breeze. Not having any finals was pretty cool. In Photography we showed each other our portfolios, a fun way to spend the period. I haven't talked much about my photographic skills, but I took a ton of shots during the school year. Sam took great joy in kidding me about my purse actually being a camera bag!

My other class that day was PE. Coach Chambers had us play volleyball while she signed our yearbooks. Thankfully I'd 'studied' for the final during the Memorial Day picnic!

I went home and studied for my American Lit final. I got in several hours of good studying while sitting out on the deck in my bikini. It was such a nice day that I'd decided to study while working on my tan. I also wanted to become more at ease in my bathing suit.

Work went very fast that night. Cindy kept Mel and I very busy the whole night. We spent a lot of time working on setting up new items. Mrs. Lincoln was starting to sell the fall line. It seemed strange that it wasn't even summer yet and yet we were selling fall clothing, but that's how the retail business works. I did get to see several of the items that I'd initially seen in NYC back in April.

Mrs. Lincoln mentioned to me that it was time for me to begin acquiring a few items with a more adult look, as there'd be more occasions in college where I'd want to present a mature and professional image. She pointed out a very stylish dark green business suit, with a slim, just-above-the-knee skirt and a smartly tailored jacket that could be worn either unbuttoned with a blouse or buttoned up without one.

"I think this would become you very nicely, my dear. It complements your hair perfectly," she stated. "What's more, it's very well made and is unlikely to go out of style. I'll put it aside for you, if you like."

I tried it on and liked the suit a lot. Mel said it gave me a really classy look. I thanked Mrs. Lincoln and said I'd definitely buy it. I still have it, and still get compliments whenever I wear it.

I spent a couple more hours studying before going to bed. I really wanted to do well on the final. I also thought about the senior picnic at the pool. I checked the weather on the late news and they said it would be the nicest day of the year, sunny and warm. So much for rain!

My American Lit final was difficult, but there was nothing unexpected. I'd correctly figured out the topics of the essay questions and I thought I'd written good answers. Jumping ahead, I got a 90 on the final and ended up with an A in the course! I only wished that I had been that focused academically earlier in my life.

As a TA I didn't have a final for Mr. Kline's class. Instead he put me to work grading his tests. The tests were multiple choice, so it wasn't difficult. I got a lot of tests graded for him and he was very grateful.

I caught up with Cat and Laura and we drove back to my house to get ready for the pool party. Cat and Laura had no problems changing in front of me. I was just another girl to them. They did pay attention to my breasts when I got undressed.

"You're really growing out nicely," remarked Cat. "You must be up to an A cup by now."

"I know. It's amazing how well they've grown. My doctor will be very pleased when he sees me at the end of the month." I picked up my bikini top and slipped it on.

"I'm impressed now," stated Laura with a laugh.

"Your girl friend is so oversexed!" noted Cat.

"You should know!" said Laura winking at me.

We all broke out laughing.

I did go into the bathroom to slip on my bikini bottom. I wasn't quite ready to do that in front of them.

I examined myself and saw that my maleness was sufficiently hidden. I was nervous that some idiot at the picnic would try to pull my suit down.

We finished packing up our beach bags and headed over to the pool. On the way over I expressed my fears and Cat told me not to worry about it - it was taken care of. She didn't go into any details.

As we entered the pool area Cat saw Kristen and Tracey, and we walked over and joined them. Of course Alex and Mike were there as well as Caroline and Paul. I decided to get it over with and took off my shorts and t-shirt.

Alex, Mike, and Paul all stared without saying a word. Kristen smiled and broke the ice. "Don't let these Neanderthals worry you, Erika, you look great. I really love your suit!" complimented Kristen.

That brought everyone back to normal and I soon felt at ease around them. I did notice Cat talking to Alex and he was nodding. He got up and walked over to see some of his friends.

"Alex is putting the word out that if anyone bothers Denise, Caroline, or you, they'll have to answer to the team. I wouldn't worry about anyone pulling your suit off other than Laura." Cat smiled.

"Hey, I heard that!" laughed Laura. She was smiling at me.

It did much to ease my anxiety.

The picnic was a great time. We had the whole pool to ourselves so we weren't bothering anyone else.

Denise showed up in a fairly normal bathing suit. I'd forgotten about all the tattoos on her body. I was still amazed that she was transgendered, but looking back, I should have seen it. However, I didn't feel too bad, as she had even fooled Sherlock Cat!

The picnic lasted all afternoon and into the evening. It was a great day and I was glad that I'd gone. The threat from Alex and the team apparently spread out to cover all the girls at the picnic, since no one had their suit pulled off.

We sat there talking about the remaining events in our high school careers. Monday we'd have graduation practice at the stadium. We'd also pick up our caps and gowns. Then that evening we'd have our senior night award/talent show. Graduation would be at 5:00 PM Tuesday, and then the parties would begin.

Laura said that the grad night at the school would be a great party. The school, parents, and local businesses had set it up, and it was designed to provide a safe place for us. It would start at ten and would last until morning. In addition to games, music, and free food, there'd also be plenty of excellent door prizes.

My little circle of friends planned to go to a party at Alex's barn, then head over to the grad night party later on. I also thought about my upcoming dinner with Ms. B and hopefully getting answers to so many of my questions.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Twenty-Nine

Early Saturday morning I was sitting out on the deck reading the paper. Sam and Mom were still asleep. I was glad that they were resting, as Sam had been working so late this week. It was nice to have a free weekend without any plans or problems.

I was surprised at how some birds would go to the feeder and not mind me being only twenty feet away, while other species wouldn't come close. The rabbits didn't seem to mind my presence, as long as I didn't move too suddenly. The squirrels were also oblivious to me.

I was wearing a pair of khaki shorts and a t-shirt. I was pleased with my tan so far. My legs were nicely tanned all over. Laura had suggested that if the weather was nice we should go to the pool again. Judging by the weather it seemed like it was a great idea. I decided to go for a run, so I went upstairs to change. Actually, I was hoping Sam would be up so he could join me.

I switched to my running gear. I was starting to need the sports bra now, it no longer was just part of my disguise. I went downstairs and started on my warm-up stretches. Sam came down and asked me if I wanted some company. I quickly agreed.

We stuck to the same route as we'd used the previous time.

"So, how do you feel about graduating?" asked Sam.

"Excited, scared, happy, sad - the usual range of emotions."

"Good. I'm glad to see that everything is normal."

I looked over and he smiled at me. I loved his smile. I started to giggle a little which can really mess up your breathing when you're running.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. So, have you and Mom decided where you're going on your honeymoon?"

"We've narrowed down our choices." We made the turn at the high school.

"Well, don't worry about me."

"Who?"

I glanced over and caught another smile.

"We know you'll be okay. Actually, we may delay the big honeymoon until next year. We're thinking of taking an Alaskan cruise next June. So, it looks like we might just take a long weekend trip to New York."

"That's cool."

"So, are you okay with the surgery?"

"A little worried."

"Just a little?"

It was my turn to smile back.

"Well, I'm glad you'll have Jill and your friends up there with you."

"I know you want to be there."

"Yes, I'd love to be able to go."

I got such a warm feeling knowing how much he cared about me.

"I know." We glanced over at each other and nodded.

"I'll be there when you have your SRS."

"Really?" I hadn't really thought about that. It was so cool that he wanted to be there.

"Sure. I wasn't there when you were born, so it'll be the next best thing."

I was speechless. Sam was likening my SRS to be being born. Maybe he was right? I was silent, thinking about it as we ran the last mile.

"Thank you. I love you, Dad." I was too choked up to say anything else.

He smiled at and me and gave me a hug. I didn't even mind the fact that we were both soaked in sweat.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Thirty

Later that morning we were all out on the deck. Mom suggested that we go out to dinner that night, just the three of us. It had been a while since we'd done something like that. Sam called in a reservation at

one of his favorite restaurants. We had 7:30 reservations.

I told them that we were going to the pool and that I'd be home in plenty of time to get ready for dinner.

Laura came by with Caroline and Paul. We were soon joined by Cat and Matt, and we all piled into Laura's car. Matt had skipped the senior pool party to spend the day with Tom Bell at the police station. Sam had arranged it all.

The pool wasn't too crowded when we arrived, although they expected it to be full by mid-afternoon.

"Erika, I really appreciate your dad setting me up with the police yesterday. I learned so much. For a small town force they are very modern. The officers I talked to give a lot of credit to your dad. They said that the DA's office insisted that they improve their processes," explained Matt.

"That's good to hear. So, when do you have to be down in Philly?"

"Wednesday. I'm looking forward to starting."

"Cat, are you going down there this summer?" asked Caroline.

"Yes, I'm heading down there sometime in late July for a week. I'll be looking for a place to stay for college, but I'll be back up here for the wedding," replied Cat.

"I can't believe we'll all be splitting apart in a few weeks," said Paul.

"I know. I've only known you guys for less than a year, but I feel like I've known you my whole life," I confessed.

"Well, Erika that's true," replied Cat.

In so many ways Cat was right, my life had started over when we came here. Sometimes you DO get a second chance.

The conversation ranged from grad night to our trip to NYC. Caroline was a little bummed out that she wasn't going. I told her that we'd have to go together some time in the future.

Matt then got a brainstorm. "Hey! You know how I told you once that my family goes over to the Jersey shore for a few weeks every summer? Well, I forgot to tell you that we actually own the house at the shore. I'll check with my parents and see if we can get it for sometime this summer. You could all come down and stay there. What do you think?" he asked.

We all thought it was a great idea. Cat however acted as the voice of reason, damn her!

"I seriously doubt if our families would allow us to be there unsupervised. They still see us as kids," reminded Cat.

"I might be able to get my aunt to come down and act as a chaperone," offered Caroline.

"Well, let's see if we can get someone to 'watch over us' first," suggested Cat. "We can ask our families tomorrow afternoon."

I hoped we could pull it off, as I missed the ocean, even if it was the just the Atlantic!

Laura's parents were throwing a barbecue tomorrow and all of our families were invited.

"Even if we can't do it this year there's always next year," added Matt. "It will be a standing invitation."

The rest of the afternoon was very relaxing. We left around 4:30 and they dropped me off at my house. Laura said that she'd see me tomorrow and we kissed goodbye.

I went upstairs and took a long shower to wash away the smell of chlorine. I also rinsed out my suit and hung it up. My hair was getting lighter and my skin darker. My tan line was very distinct now. I stood there and looked at myself in the mirror. With the exception of my maleness, I looked like a girl. When I covered it up, there was no doubt that I was a girl. I wished that my surgery this coming week wasn't on my nose but the 'nip & tuck' on my maleness.

I grabbed a short nap before getting ready for dinner. I decided that I'd wear my black sleeveless dress. Mrs. Lincoln said that it was appropriate for all occasions. I wore a pair of gold hoop earrings and a plain gold chain. Simple but elegant, as Mrs. Lincoln said.

I went downstairs and joined Sam and Mom. They were both very impressed.

"Oh, honey! You look lovely," exclaimed Mom.

Sam stood there and smiled and nodded his head in approval. "Very nice, Erika."

We had a wonderful evening together. It was fun seeing the heads turn as we walked in. Sam was very well known in the community, and many were glad to see that he was settling down. Mom enjoyed the attention too. I was so happy that they were a couple. I was also proud to be their daughter.

Sam pointed out several lawyers and politicians in the room. Then I saw someone who I wasn't happy to see - Martin Turner. He walked over to our table. Actually a better description would be that he staggered over to our table.

"Hi Sham, how're you thish evening?" slurred Martin Turner. He obviously had been drinking. He stood between Mom and Sam.

"Good evening, Martin, I'm well thank you. I believe you know Jill and Erika," replied Sam.

"Yessh, of course. Congratulations on the engagement, Jill," he stated. He was very loud and people were staring at him. "How are you thish evening, Erika?" I could smell the alcohol on him as he leaned over to speak to me.

Mom just sat there seething.

"I'm fine thank you. I see you correctly remembered my name this evening" I replied. I was trying really, really hard to be pleasant. But my eyes gave away my true feelings. I also felt Mom gently kick me under the table.

"Well, I see that she still holds a grudge! ... Sham, you should teach her some manners and teach her that I wash only doing my job. There'sh no reason to take what I said in court so seriously." He was having trouble standing steady, and he had to use the table to steady himself.

"I'd love to continue this, but your presence is upsetting my family, so why don't you leave?" asked Sam. He then smiled at Martin Turner. Then speaking softly yet firmly, "If you stay, I can't guarantee your safety."

"Ohhh... your family! Shome family! You know, I could take what you just said as a threat!" shouted Martin Turner, slurring his words. "Well... I can tell where I'm not wanted!"

With that he turned to walk away, but he tripped and fell flat on his face, taking down a serving cart of food with him. The staff immediately rushed over to help him up and assist him out of the restaurant. There was some applause as he was escorted out.

Sam was struggling to hold in his laughter. Mom was sitting there as if nothing had happened and went back to eating her dinner. I was happy that Martin Turner had left and that he'd made a public spectacle of himself, but I had the feeling that I'd missed something.

When we left, there were all sorts of smiles, winks, and thumbs up to us. Apparently, Martin Turner wasn't much liked by anyone in the community.

I noticed Mom and Sam giving each other looks.

"So, what happened back there?" I asked.

Sam started laughing. "Martin didn't fall on his own, your mother tripped him as he turned to leave!"

"Really? That's so cool, Mom!" I broke out in a huge smile.

"I don't know what Sam's talking about," proclaimed Mom, all innocent.

Sam and I looked at her and began to laugh.

Mom couldn't keep her face straight, and she soon was laughing too. "I'm sorry, but that SOB had it coming!"

It might have been wrong, but we laughed the whole way home.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Thirty-One

Sunday was my last day at work for a while. I was called back into Mrs. Lincoln's office for a little talk. Mrs. Lincoln said that my return date would be a group decision.

"This will be more painful that you may imagine Erika, and I'd rather you take some time off and then come back at 100%," suggested Mrs. Lincoln.

"I understand." Hey, it was better to agree than argue a point I had absolutely no chance of winning.

"Good. I'm pleased to see that you know what battles to fight and when to concede defeat. Trust me, young lady, I am only concerned about your well-being," replied Mrs. Lincoln. She had a slight smile on her face.

I was beginning to wonder if she could read my mind! "I know that. I'd like to say something to you; I really appreciate everything you've done for me this year. I've learned that just because someone is related to you that doesn't mean that they care about you. I've also learned that total strangers can one day become closer than you could ever imagine. I feel that way with my dad, and I feel that way about you. I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but I see you as my grandmother." I hoped that she didn't take this as an insult. I hoped that my words were adequate.

"That's a very lovely thought. I am very fond of you too. When Nancy initially brought you to my attention, I saw something in you that was special. You will accomplish some wonderful things in your life. I like to say that what I'm doing is giving you guidance and a jumpstart. The rest is up to you. As for you thinking of me as a grandmother figure, I guess that's acceptable, although I don't see myself as the right age quite yet." She actually laughed slightly!

There were things I wanted to ask her about but knew not to ask. I was content to be given some more insight into everything that had happened this past year. "Thank you, Mrs. Lincoln." I could tell that she was moved by my confession.

"Now, I understand Anthony will be picking you and your entourage up on Thursday morning. You must have made quite an impression on him, as he insisted on personally driving you to and from the city. Here is my cell phone number. If you have any problems you are to call me immediately."

I smiled. I liked the way she made her help 'an order', any other way would have been out of character. "I will. Thank you again."

After we closed, Cindy and Mel called me to the back room.

"I have a little gift for you in honor of your impending surgery," announced Mel, as she handed me a wrapped box.

I took the gift and unwrapped it; inside was a Mrs. Potato Head toy. We all broke out laughing. "Thank you so much."

"I figured that it might help you select your nose," Mel informed me.

"I'm glad you didn't say 'pick my nose'," I quipped. That caused another round of laughter.

"On the more serious side, we'd like to give you this as a graduation present," added Cindy. She handed me a small box.

I opened it and found it contained a pair of diamond stud earrings. I was overwhelmed by their generosity.

"They're beautiful, but you shouldn't have." I could feel my eyes tearing up.

"Don't worry about it, we used our mall employee discount," Cindy replied with a smile on her face.

"Thank you very much!" We all hugged. I immediately changed my earrings. They did look lovely. "So, what do you think?" I stood there modeling their gift.

"Very nice, Erika," replied Cindy. Mel stood there nodding in agreement. Both of them were smiling.

"I really don't deserve friends like you two!"

"That's true, but you're getting there," smiled Mel. We hugged again.

I asked if they wanted anything from NYC. Cindy joked that a cheesecake would be nice. I told them I'd see what I could do. I couldn't wait until I could start working again. I'd miss working with them.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Thirty-Two

I got home and Mom and Sam were both very impressed with my earrings. I also showed them my Mrs. Potato Head which they both thought was hysterically funny.

"We're heading over to Laura's house in a half an hour, so you have time to change," reminded Mom.

I changed into a floral skirt and a matching cotton top. Naturally I was wearing sandals! I kept my new earrings in to show Laura and Cat.

I was glad that Laura's parents had become friendly with Mom and Sam. I also liked the fact that they were becoming more accepting of Laura being out. I still felt Laura's mom wasn't sure of me yet.

We brought a huge tossed salad to the party. Mom had made her 'secret recipe' salad dressing that had always been my favorite. It was like a vinaigrette, but made with fresh squeezed orange juice and just a hint of garlic.

The Adams had invited nearly twenty people for the barbecue. I was pleased to see Paul and his parents. Caroline was with them, along with her aunt. Apparently her parents were still working out their issues with her. It was their loss because Caroline was such a great person. Apparently the groundwork I had laid with Paul's parents had carried over with Caroline. Paul told me that she'd become one of the family.

Paul's parents saw me and greeted me warmly. "How have you been Erika?" asked Paul's father.

"I'm doing well, Mr. Brady, thanks for asking." I then received a hug from Mrs. Brady.

"Paul told us that you're going to New York this week for surgery. I want to give you our best wishes," Mrs. Brady replied.

"Thank you, that means a lot!" I responded.

I slowly made my way through the adults then eventually escaped and joined my friends out in the back yard.

"Hey, she made it through the gauntlet!" announced Laura, who came over and gave me a kiss.

"I don't mind that much; it does show that they accept me," I replied.

"Oooh, new earrings! When did you get those?" asked Cat.

I went on to tell them about the gifts from Cindy and Mel.

"Damn! I wish I'd thought of the Mrs. Potato Head!" stated Paul.

"There, there, Paul," comforted Caroline, "you can't be the only one in town with an immature sense of humor."

We all started laughing. It felt very good to just hang out with friends and not worry about the future.

"Where's Matt?" asked Laura.

"He's talking to Sam. He's getting some contacts in the Philly PD," answered Cat.

We talked about bringing up the idea of the trip to the shore later on. Cat said that Matt's family had said that we could use the house the week before Labor Day. That worked well for everyone's schedule. It was after the wedding and two weeks before Cat's classes started. She had the earliest starting classes. Caroline's aunt Kathy said that she'd be able to chaperone us. She was twenty-six and she worked at the same computer company as Mom and Terri in a different department. Kathy was a programmer, but she knew both Terri and Mom.

We decided to present the idea all at once and go for a consolidated attack, hoping to win them over before they could plan a coordinated defense.

Matt came over and joined in our discussion. He said that the house had four large bedrooms and was within walking distance of the beach.

We continued our planning and worked up answers to their possible objections. After dinner when everyone was relaxed, we sprung it on them.

We let Cat be our spokesperson, and she did a pretty good job. At least no one was totally against the idea. Sam and Mom didn't see a problem, as long as Kathy was with us. Terri also had no problems with the idea. She vouched for Kathy to the other parents. Paul's father had a few questions, but he then went along with those voting for the trip. Paul's mom thought it would be a wonderful time. Laura's mom wanted to know the sleeping accommodations but when she heard that the couples would all be separated, she reluctantly agreed. Mr. Adams had no problem with the idea and said that he totally trusted Laura and me.

I think we were a bit disappointed that we didn't have a chance to use all our well worked out arguments in favor of the trip. We were startled to see that our families were beginning to see us as adults.

We thanked them all and then we left them to go and start the planning.

"Well, that caught me off guard!" exclaimed Paul.

"Yes, just when you think you've got them figured out, they go and surprise you!" added Laura.

That brought on some more laughing. We spent the next hour talking about the week. It would be a nice way to end the summer.

"By the way, Kristen asked me to remind you guys about breakfast tomorrow. She's getting a bunch of us together at the pancake house before graduation practice," said Cat.

"Sounds good, what time?" asked Paul.

"She wants us there around 8:30," added Cat.

We all agreed to go. Graduation practice started at 10:00 and was supposed to be over by noon. The award night wasn't supposed to start until 5:00. Laura whispered to me that we could make up for lost time this past weekend!

Chapter Two-Hundred-Thirty-Three

Breakfast was a blast. Fortunately the breakfast rush was over by the time we got there, and they were a bit more tolerant of a large, loud group of high school students than they might have been if we'd gotten there earlier.

I was developing a little problem, a nice one, but a problem nevertheless. My breasts had grown to the point where my bras were a bit too small when I also used my boob pads. However, my bras were still too big and loose without them. I was showing cleavage for the first time in my life! Laura and Cat found this very amusing and told me that at the rate I was growing I could ditch the pads soon.

I had to admit that I did like the looks and the attention that I was receiving. It also made me feel more secure, knowing that it made me look more like a natural born female.

One of the nice things about going to breakfast with our group was that no food went to waste. Alex and Mike were training heavily and had huge appetites. They ate everyone's leftovers. Kristen joked that it was better than having a dog.

I was looking forward to going to some of their games this year. Sam was a big football fan and between us, we were working on Mom to join us on some road trips to see some games. If she didn't want to go to the games, that was fine, but we at least wanted her to join us on the trip down to state. She said she'd think about it.

Practice was organized confusion at best. We would be going up in alphabetical order. I'd be one of the last ones to get their diploma. Our graduating class would be right around 600 students. The exact number wasn't out yet, as a few students' grades were still in question. Cat had just missed out on being the class valedictorian. She didn't mind, as she didn't want to give a speech anyway. Laura, being class president, would have to make a speech and she was looking forward to it. Laura was born to be a politician and she loved being in the spotlight.

After the practice we went to pick up our caps and gowns. The school had shifted to basic black a few years ago. The tassel was in the school's colors, a mixture of silver and red threads with our class year on it. We were told not to mark our outfits in any way, unless we wanted to pay for them. Thankfully, they'd all been pressed by volunteers, so we wouldn't have to worry about that. I thought it was ironic that the gown was a unisex garment.

After dropping Cat off, Laura and I went into my house and went upstairs to my room. At least she waited until I hung up my gown before pulling me to the bed! She unbuttoned my top and slipped it off. My bra and boob pads soon joined it on the floor. Laura then slowly removed her top and bra. She then pulled me close and we began to kiss. I felt her hand on my nipples, gently rubbing and massaging them. The sensation drove me crazy and I returned the favor. She then slipped down and began to kiss and lick my nipples. I was on my back and she was lying next to me, her tongue flicking at my very hard and erect nipples. The sensations of pleasure she produced in me drove deep down into my body, causing me to tremble in excitement. She seemed to know exactly how fast and where to touch and lick to drive me wild.

She then guided my head down to her breasts and I repeated the moves that she'd just taught me. I learned that gentle works better than hard and that pleasure didn't need to be fast.

She then slowly brought me back down and then we lay together in each other's arms. I felt so relaxed after coming down from the high she'd given me.

"How was that, my love?" she whispered in my ear.

"Incredible. I never knew it could feel like that," I responded. I cuddled up closer to her.

"That was just the next step. I have so much to teach you."

We just lay there for a long time holding on to each other. It was a very sharing moment and it didn't need conversation or questions. Laura was exposing me to another side of my growing femininity.

"You made the right decision, Erika, you really are a girl," announced Laura as she got dressed. "Your responses are so feminine."

"Thanks. It all feels so natural."

"So, no desire to pull out your maleness?"

I picked up a pillow and threw it at her, which started a five-minute pillow fight that left us laughing hysterically on my bed.

Laura needed to go home to change before senior night. She said that she'd come by around 4:30 to pick up Cat and me. We kissed goodbye and I watched her drive off.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Thirty-Four

I showered and changed. I selected a green summer dress. I was just about dressed when Cat called. She asked if she could come over and wait with me. Of course I said yes.

Cat looked very nice, she was wearing a red and white summer dress. We grabbed a couple of sodas and then sat out on the deck to enjoy the afternoon sun.

"So have you and Laura talked much about the upcoming separation?" asked Cat.

"No, not really. I don't think that either of us wants to think about it," I replied.

"I know how you feel. It's very hard being in a long distance relationship."

"So, how do you and Matt make it work?" I took a sip of my soda.

"Well, e-mail helps. It's nice just being able to trade messages. Matt also phones me at least once a week. I think we make it work because we're so honest with each other."

"That makes sense."

"I've known Laura my whole life, and I can tell you that you can trust her. If she decides that she wants to see someone else, she'll tell you first."

"I know. I want to be equally honest with her, not that I'm planning on messing around on her."

"I know you won't, Erika. That's why I think you two make such a great couple. I loved my little fling with her. It taught me a lot about myself. I'm also glad that we've remained friends."

"Did you know that she wanted to date me?" I asked.

"Yes. We talked about many things when we were together. You fascinated her from the moment she met you in school. She really thought you were a girl, and I had to set the record straight."

"I see. So when did you know that I was TS and not just dressing to get the scholarship?" I asked.

"I suspected right away, but I wasn't positive until that first football game and saw how you reacted to being attacked. It was very clear that you were a girl, no matter what your body was like."

"Mom said she knew the first day I dressed," I replied.

We both sat there silent for a moment.

"Do you still consider yourself bisexual?" asked Cat, breaking the silence.

I thought about it for a second. "Yes, I suppose I do. Sexually, I am female. I can't even imagine trying to be sexual as a male."

"That makes sense. So, do think you could have sex with a guy?"

The nice thing about our relationship was that we had total honesty.

"I have to admit that I'm a bit curious about it. I want to know what it feels like when it's with someone I want to be with. I don't consider what Jason did to me to be sex. I'm not looking or anything, just curious."

"That makes sense. Just be careful when you do it; be sure it's a partner who you can trust."

"I will; it's not like it's going to happen anytime soon," I replied, "at least, not until after I've had my SRS."

"I think you should explore your sexuality. As much as Laura and you make a wonderful couple, you looked pretty happy with Paul."

"I know. Our relationship was another casualty of the assault. I wonder sometimes what might have been, but then again, we've remained friends, and he and Caroline really seem to be in love."

"It's okay to have regrets, you're only human."

"Thanks. I don't know how I could have made it through this year without your help."

She smiled and reached over and took my hands in hers. "The way you successfully overcame so much this past year has been an inspiration to me. I want to thank you for that."

We said there looking at each other and holding each other's hands. It was a very special moment that further bonded our friendship.

We were snapped back into reality by the doorbell and the sound of Laura's voice. "Hello!" announced Laura.

We smiled and got up to join her.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Thirty-Five

I was impressed that almost the entire senior class and most of the faculty showed up for senior night. Laura was one of the MCs so Cat and I sat down together with Kristen, Alex, Tracey, and Mike. Cat told me that Paul and Caroline were part of the program.

The first part of the evening was filled with students getting a variety of awards. They ranged from high GPAs to perfect attendance. Everyone was totally blown away when the award for the greatest improvement in GPA went to Denise! They also announced the spring sports awards. The next part was announcing the winners of various scholarships and academic awards. They called out each name and the stage crew put a spotlight on the winners. Cat and Laura were both called up for being awarded full academic scholarships. They also had our athletes who had won scholarships stand up. That group included Alex, Mike, and Rachael. Then they called out my name along with Denise and Caroline as finalists for the scholarship competition. It was pointed out that we'd have to show up at graduation in order to win. That caused some laughter. By now everyone in our class knew that all three of us were TS.

After a bunch of other awards, they got to the fun stuff. They announced the real senior class awards. Paul was named as the class clown. That was a shock! Kristen and Alex won most popular, again no surprise. Cat won for being seen as most successful after graduation. I couldn't argue with that. Mike and Kristen won for the students most likely to become famous. Alex was a bit pissed over that choice. They went through a whole bunch of those. Some were very funny and others were very complimentary. Laura and Alex won as best leaders. I was stunned when they called my name out as most inspirational. I'd never seen myself as an inspiration to others. I was just trying to survive.

Thankfully, they didn't linger on those. There was a short musical break. They had some of the best musicians play together on the stage. I was pleased to see Charlie up there playing the piano. He started off playing classical and then shifted to more modern songs. Someone in the audience yelled out, "You rule, Schroeder!" referring to the cartoon character, and without missing a beat Charlie went into "Linus and Lucy" from the Peanuts cartoons. He got an instant standing ovation. I was so happy for him! It was one of the highlights of the evening.

However, THE highlight of the evening was the PowerPoint presentation from Paul and Caroline. They had created a hysterical presentation that showed many of us at our 20th reunion. They showed a photo of the person, then there was a cartoon drawing of them at the reunion. No one was spared in their show. In the spirit of the evening no one took what they'd done seriously, and we all joined in the joke. None of the depictions were mean spirited.

They covered many people in our class and I'll try to describe some of them. I was laughing so hard at most of them that it's hard to remember them all!

They showed a photo of Alex playing QB. Then they cut to a slightly overweight Alex in the TV booth at a football game. The commentary reported that after a career in football he'd made the switch to TV commentator. They noted that he was slowly growing into both the legacy and extra large suit of his mentor, John Madden.

Mike wasn't spared either. They noted that after a successful career in the NFL he skipped the chance to join Alex in the TV booth and instead became an action movie star. They said that he specialized in making films that never did all that well in the theater; but got lots of airplay on FOX at 2:00 AM. The picture showed him swinging through a glass window on a rope with a rocket launcher under his arm.

Laura was shown as a future United States Senator and future presidential candidate. They said she'd be running on a platform to end "idiotic meetings just for the sake of having meetings"! I guess her complaints about so many meetings had been noted. Laura laughed hardest at that one.

Next, they showed a photo of Denise playing the drums for The Downfall. That got a lot of cheers, as the band had become very popular. The drawing showed her as a conductor. Of course she was shown wearing a leather tux. They said that she was leading a successful thirty-city tour with her orchestra and their tribute to the Ramones.

Cat wasn't spared either. They showed her photo and told how she was going to college to study criminal investigation. The drawing showed her with the title "CSI Golden Hill" above her. The show was the 220th edition of the successful series and followed the real life adventures of Cat as she tracked down criminals.

Caroline and Paul even poked fun at themselves. They started a promising career in cartooning that ended when they both had a massive case of writer's block. The commentary stated that this didn't stop them from being successful in the comic industry. Their cartoon showed them as clerks in a comic book store.

They received a large ovation from the class when they finished. Caroline later told me that every idea that they'd had for me was too much of an inside joke and could have been taken the wrong way. I appreciated their concern, but I still would've liked to see how they'd roast me.

The rest of the evening was filled with other performances and musical acts. They ended the evening with a slide show set to music. It was a visual history of our class with an emphasis on our senior year. It lasted nearly twenty minutes and it brought back so many memories. It was all very moving as we watched the images on the screen. There were candid shots taken at school and off campus. The music was perfect. The team that put it together did a great job.

I was glad that the lights were off as my emotions were very loose. When they showed a picture of the banner and me when I came back after the attack, I let my tears flow. I was also hit by the cheering and applause that happened when they showed it. I felt Cat's hand take hold of mine.

I was also happy that the presentation lasted twelve more minutes so I could regain my composure. When they were done they announced that copies of the slide and the Power Point shows on CDs were available for $5.00 after in the lobby afterwards. I definitely wanted a copy of it, as it was a nice complement to the yearbook.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Thirty-Six

Our group got together at Guido's after senior night. Paul and Caroline gave out the original cartoons to those who'd been roasted. They also had caricatures of the rest of us. It was a nice touch.

We sat and talked about how good a job they'd done with the whole show. We also talked about graduation and our plans afterwards. We already had each other's e-mail addresses, and we all promised to stay in touch. Alex reminded us about the 4th of July party at the barn. He said that both he and Mike would be back up here for it. I also reminded everyone about Mom's wedding and reception.

We sat in there until they closed. No one wanted to leave. I guess we all wanted to stay together just a bit longer. We stood out in the parking lot and hugged and kissed and cried. Yes, we'd see each other tomorrow and at future events, but this was the last time we definitely knew that we'd all be together. We all knew how important we were to each other. Even today, I get a bit emotional thinking about it.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Thirty-Seven

I actually slept in Tuesday morning. I figured that I wouldn't be getting much sleep during the next twenty-four hours, so I might as well sleep when I could. When I finally got up it was almost 9 AM. I decided to get in a run, since it might be my last chance for a while to run my neighborhood route.

As I ran I thought about the previous night. The feeling that we'd had in the parking lot after Guido's closed still gave me a warm rush. I also thought about the surgery. I wasn't really afraid, just deeply concerned! I had no doubt that Dr. Ayres was an excellent surgeon. I'd found several articles on him online and they all considered him to be one of the best. I think it was just the normal anxiety that one got before any sort of operation. I smiled and wondered if I was this nervous before getting my nose worked on, then how bad would I be before my SRS or my penis inversion, as Laura called it.

I also thought about Laura and the last time we'd been alone together. I was blown away by the new sensations she'd introduced me to. The feelings were so deep. It really confirmed that this was the right thing to do.

As I continued my run, I became more aware of my breasts. True, they weren't very big yet, but I could feel them bounce as I ran. There was no way I could run without a bra now.

I arrived home after working up a great sweat. As I did my cool down, I walked around the yard. The bush was doing very nicely. It was in full bloom and there were even some new shoots. I loved that it was transforming a place of violence into a place of life and growth.

I went in and showered. The water felt very good as it hit my nipples. The combination of running and the rubbing in my bra had already left them a bit stimulated. The shower just finished the job. I was so glad that I had one of those massage showerheads!

Part of me was still worried about being made as a male. I know that was stupid, but it was a concern. We are always more critical about out own appearance than others are. I saw every defect and masculine trait, even if no one else did! I don't think that I've ever completely lost this concern, even though I've been living as a woman for years. The little things helped me to ease my concerns and the tan lines were one of these little things.

I was also looking forward to having my breasts grow to the point where I wouldn't my need boob pads. I'd be very satisfied with a B- cup, although I hoped to reach C! It's funny; in school A's are a good thing.

I had a nice dress to wear that evening. It was sleeveless, and the floral pattern looked like it was from a Hawaiian shirt. The post graduation party's theme was a tropical luau, or at least a Pennsylvanian idea of what a tropical luau was like!

I basically took it easy the rest of the day until it was time to go to graduation.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Thirty-Eight

Laura picked up Cat and me and we drove over to school to get ready for graduation. We were all wearing summer party dresses, so we could go right to the parties. Mom, Sam, Matt, and Terri were going together and were planning on sitting with Laura's parents. We'd selected a meeting place to have our pictures taken afterwards.

I felt I looked pretty good and even Laura admitted that my makeup was near perfect. We slipped on our gowns and adjusted our caps. Thankfully, it wasn't too hot. The faculty worked hard to get us all into correct order to walk out onto the field. Graduation was being held in the football stadium and we would walk in along the track and then take our seats. The stage was set up in the end zone.

We gave each other a quick inspection. It was finally here! Suddenly the line began to move and we were on our way.

It was all sort of a blur to me. I was suddenly overwhelmed by the realization that I was about to graduate from high school as Erika Jean Warren. That name had been unknown to me a year ago, but now it was my identity, and I loved it! It also hit me that I'd just won a full four-year scholarship.

Thankfully at moments like that the body takes over while the mind is wandering. I have no memory of walking into the stadium or sitting down. My mind was rewinding the events of the past year and all I had been through. I got up and followed the person in front of me and walked up to the stage. I know I did this because I was snapped back into reality when I heard 'Erika Jean Warren' being announced on the PA system. I received my diploma and broke out into a huge smile. My main goal was to make it back to my seat and not lose it emotionally! I looked down at my diploma and saw my name in Old English font. It was another of those real moments!

The ceremony ended and we tossed our caps up in the air. I quickly retrieved mine. I then sought out friends to congratulate, hug, and in some cases kiss. I worked my way through the crowd and found Cat and Laura. We had a big group hug and kiss.

Sam and Mom came over and we hugged and kissed. They both said they were so proud of me. We then posed for a series of photographs in our caps and gowns. I think Mom shot an entire roll of film of us afterwards.

Cat, Matt, Laura, and I then said goodbye and took off to go to Alex's party. We removed our caps and gowns and put them in the trunk. We had to return them tomorrow. However, we had a whole night of celebrating to go through first.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Thirty-Nine

Laura hung up her tassel on the mirror in her car. I hadn't made up my mind if I was going to do that with mine. I asked Cat and Laura what they remembered about the ceremony and like me, they barely remembered a thing! I was glad that I wasn't the only one who'd zoned out.

We arrived at Alex's and went through another round of kisses and hugs. Another sign that I was totally accepted as a girl was that the boys had no problem with kissing me. I was just another girl at the party.

I had several people that I wanted to thank that evening. I didn't want to risk not thanking them personally. The first person I found was Alex.

I walked over and gave him a hug and a kiss. "I just want to thank you for everything, you really helped me be accepted at Central!"

He smiled back. "It was a pleasure. At first, I did it because Cat asked me to, but as I got to know you, I was proud to be your friend. I think it's cool that you are finding your true self."

Kristen walked over and we hugged. "I was just thanking Alex for helping me so much this year, and I wanted to do the same with you. I know you had a lot to do with my being so accepted at Central. I really appreciate it!"

"I didn't do anything that special. I merely opened the door, you deserve a lot of credit yourself," replied Kristen modestly.

I smiled. I knew some of the things she'd done for me and suspected that there were many others things that I'd never know about. "Still, I want to thank you!"

I repeated this with several other people, including Mike, Tracey, and Rachael. I then ran into Caroline and Paul.

"I still can't believe we did it!" exclaimed Caroline and we hugged.

"Congrats, Erika!" added Paul and we hugged and kissed.

"It's amazing how fast the year went by!" I replied. "It sometimes feels like a dream."

I then found Cat, Matt, and Laura.

"It looks like we'll all be going to college now," announced Laura. "Now that your financial issues are solved."

"I still can't believe it. Last year at this time, I doubted that I'd be going to college and now I have a full scholarship!" I exclaimed.

"That, and a nicer wardrobe," added Laura.

I smiled and kissed her. "Don't forget all my wonderful new friends and family."

We talked for a while. Matt was heading back to Philly on Thursday morning. He had stayed a bit longer than he'd originally expected to. I could tell that he was deeply in love with Cat. Who could blame him?

Laura said that she'd have to go the graduation party at the school early. She was expected to be there when it opened. It would be her last duty as class president.

I rode over with her. Cat and Matt said they'd ride over with Paul and Caroline. I hoped that Caroline was driving her car, as I couldn't imagine all four of them in Paul's VW bug.

"So, was your senior year exciting enough?" asked Laura.

"I'd say so. I can't imagine what it would have been like to have gone through it without you," I replied.

"I figure you would have managed. You're a survivor."

"Maybe, but it wouldn't have been as much fun without you."

"That's true!"

We sat there in silence for a while. I think we were both thinking about the upcoming separation.

"You know, it won't be that bad. We'll only be five hours apart by car," remarked Laura.

"I know. Still it won't be easy."

"No, it won't. That's for another day, we still have the rest of the summer to be together!"

"True, anything can happen. Who knows? Maybe you'll hate my new nose and want to break up with me!" I tried to add some humor to the situation.

"That's possible, I only love you for your nose!" quipped Laura.

We pulled into the parking lot and walked into the school. They had what looked like a carnival set up in the gym. The gym was decorated to look like a tropical playground. They even had fake palm trees! There was a DJ setting up in one corner. There was also a whole area set up outside with food booths and games.

"This must have cost a lot to set up," I stated.

"Part came from the senior class and the rest from the PTA and the local auto club. We also got donations from many local businesses," stated Laura.

We walked over to a table filled with all sorts of electronic goodies. There were stereos, CD players, digital cameras, and lots of other things.

"Are they really going to raffle all this stuff off?" I asked.

"Yep! Everyone who comes in gets one ticket. In addition to this stuff, they have a bunch of gift certificates for local businesses. I think we have almost 100 prizes."

"Impressive," I replied.

We walked around the gym and then outside to look at the various games and food stands. We found time to slip into the shadows for a quick kiss and cuddle!

"I know you'll be busy tomorrow between packing and the dinner with Ms. B, but I'd love to get alone with you for a while," confessed Laura.

"True, it will be your last shot at me with my present nose!" I answered with a laugh.

I won't bore you with everything that happened the rest of the night. The crowd was huge and many stayed until sunrise. I won a portable CD player! It would come in handy as I lay in bed for a couple of days following my nose job.

By the time we left, everyone was beat. Laura dropped us off at my house and we got our stuff out of her car. I kissed Laura goodbye and made her promise to call me when she got home. I went inside and after Laura called I went immediately to bed. I was surprised that I was able to fall asleep so easily!

Chapter Two-Hundred-Forty

I didn't sleep the whole day. I was up by one and after lunch I drove over to the school to drop off my cap and gown. The school seemed strangely silent. There were a few teachers there, cleaning out their rooms. I didn't hang around very long.

I packed up my suitcases for the trip to NYC. I only needed nice clothes for a few days and I ended up packing much less than I did for the trip with Mrs. Lincoln. By the time I was done, Mom was getting home.

I went downstairs and told her about the last night's parties. She was glad that I'd gone to the one at the school.

"Tony called today, and he said that he'd be by at 8:00 to pick us up," stated Mom.

"Cool! Tony is really cool!"

We talked until Sam came in. He said that Martin Turner had called him and apologized for his behavior the other night. "Apparently, he has no clue about how he ended up on the floor."

"Did you tell him that he was looking for a rock to crawl under?" asked Mom.

"Hey, you're lucky I don't have to prosecute you for assault," joked Sam, breaking out in laughter.

Mom and I joined him. I'm not a violent person, but I felt Martin Turner deserved far worse than falling on his face.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Forty-One

I drove over to Ms B's home. She lived downtown in an old mill building that had been converted into condos. She lived on the third floor and had a great view of the town and the park.

I got there first and joined her in the kitchen. I helped her prepare a chicken stir-fry.

"I took a course on oriental cooking last summer. It was something I'd always wanted to do," explained Ms. B. "By the way, since you're no longer a student at Central, you can call me Nancy now, even Ms. B sounds too formal."

"That may take some getting used to. Thanks... Nancy."

She smiled at me. "I have a feeling that we'll become good friends over the years."

"I have one question to ask before the others arrive, when did you know that I was TS?" I asked.

Nancy looked at me. "I suspected the first day we met, but I wasn't sure until after the initial Jason incident. Is that what others have told you?"

"Pretty much the same. I guess I was the last to know again."

"There's nothing wrong with that. Self discovery takes time," remarked Nancy.

Just then Caroline and Denise arrived. Nancy greeted them and told them the same thing about calling her Nancy.

Dinner was a very informal affair. We sat around her living room eating and talking. Nancy's stir-fry was excellent, better than most Chinese restaurants.

"So, tell us about the true purpose of the scholarship program?" I asked.

"Jumping right to the big questions! As you've guessed, there is a deeper purpose than to just have some male students learn about the opposite gender."

We all nodded.

"The ultimate goal of the program was to teach tolerance and acceptance of diversity. As the contest progressed each year, the effects have spread out through the entire school and into the community. This year, due to some unforeseen circumstances, we reached out much further than we ever could have imagined," explained Nancy. "As horrible as the assault on you was, Erika, it did have a positive effect on the community. It showed the town that we could have diversity without anyone losing their values. Eventually, we want to spread the program to other towns."

"So everything that happened to me sort of sped up the process?" I asked.

"Yes, that's true. The scholarship committee had been very pleased with the progress we'd been making in the school. The contest had become mainstream, and the contestants were accepted by the rest of the student body and most of the town. We knew we were starting to make inroads into the community, but the whole trial and dealing with the Rev really moved up the timetable. I only wish that you, or any student, hadn't had to go through such horrible experiences."

"I'm glad some good came out of it," I replied.

"It's also obvious that you were prepared to help us as we came out as TS. Was that part of the program?" asked Caroline.

"The program wasn't designed to produce TS students, but we did realize that we'd attract students who might have gender issues. We made sure that services would be available. I know you're all seeing Jenny McCall now. The scholarship committee sought her out and helped her establish her practice here. We sought doctors who were open- minded towards gender issues. We also set up the loan program for SRS," explained Nancy.

"So, we're just a fringe benefit of the program?" asked Denise.

"I don't know if that's the right phrase, but helping people resolve identity issues is important. We didn't make you TS, but we provided you a safe environment to transition. Again, I want to apologize for the Jason incidents."

"You don't have to apologize," I stated.

"We'll be screening the contestants more in the future. Jason should never have been allowed to enter. We are also discovering the need for more counseling for all the contestants. We learned a lot this year from the length of the contest, and we saw many things we could improve on. One immediate change will be that there will be weekly meetings starting the first week of school. We'll also do a one-on-one with each contestant weekly."

"You said that the addition of an FTM scholarship was planned for years, but you were waiting for us to go a whole year, why?" asked Caroline.

"We wanted to see how the class as a whole responded first. Again, with the exception of Jason, the overall response of your class was exceptional," stated Nancy.

"Will your job change have an affect on the contest?" I asked.

Nancy smiled. "Somewhat. I'll be moving up to Assistant Principal next year, however I'll still be involved with the scholarship program. We already have a new counselor coming in as my replacement. She was hired because of her background and training, In fact, she was a student here ten years ago."

"Is she like us?" asked Denise.

Nancy smiled. "No, she isn't TS."

"Too bad," stated Caroline, softly.

"Well, I think there may be a TS faculty member a Central someday," announced Nancy.

Caroline and Denise immediately looked at me.

"Erika, you'll get the highest consideration for any opening upon the completion of your degree and earning your teaching credentials. That is also part of the scholarship program. We don't stop helping you after you graduate. We keep an eye on those special people who show great promise. That includes all of you," continued Nancy.

"You said earlier that the scholarship committee wanted to spread out to other towns. So how much money does this group have?" asked Caroline.

"A lot! The woman who set this up was extremely wealthy and very intelligent about finances. She set it up so that the fund grows every year. The three scholarships given this year don't even make a dent in the account. Additionally, other people have contributed to the fund. Our goal is to eventually spread out and set up similar scholarships in other communities. We've several towns in mind, and we should be able to get started in a year or so."

"Sounds like a big experiment," stated Denise

"In some ways that's correct. Our benefactor believed that society could change for the better. The scholarship program allows males and females to be more accepting and understanding of each other. This has a rippling effect across the community. We are far from done here in Golden Hill, but in less than twenty years we've made some great progress."

We stayed around and asked some more questions. I hung around until Caroline and Denise left, as I had a few more questions. There were some that were more private in nature that I wanted to talk about.

"Did you recommend me to Mrs. Lincoln," I asked as I helped her clean up.

"Not exactly, I did tell her about you when you were selected for the homecoming court. But it was strictly her decision to hire you," explained Nancy.

"I appreciate the good word you put in for me," I replied.

"She is really a good person and she was really hurt when my brother died. She was also very angry that he was driven to his death by ignorance. She became involved in the scholarship program as a way of helping to prevent any further tragedies," announced Nancy.

"Well, I really feel honored that she thinks so highly of me," I stated.

"I'm a bit jealous of you, Erika, as she wouldn't hire me to work in her store, and we're related!" joked Nancy.

We both started laughing.

"Look, Erika, I know you will have some more questions, so feel free

to call me. We can get together and talk."

"Thank you Nancy!"

It was good knowing some of the answers about the scholarship program. I felt better about the future, now that I knew more about the past.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Forty-Two

I drove over to Laura's house. She was happy to see me and we went over to Spencer's.

"So, did you get all your questions answered?" asked Laura as we plopped down on the couch.

I took a sip of my cappuccino. "A lot of them. Nancy was pretty cool."

"Nancy? Hmmmm, so you are on first name basis now?" asked Laura.

"Sure, she sees me as a responsible young adult now!" I replied, tongue firmly planted in cheek.

"She's a minority around here," quipped Laura, trying to hide her smirk.

I mouthed 'smartass' to her.

"Unfortunately my parents stayed in this evening. While they accept my status as an 'almost college freshman', they would still freak if they knew I was taking you upstairs to make out," Laura confessed.

"Oooh, I have to use that one, an 'almost college freshman'," I said with a laugh.

"So, are you ready for the operation?" asked Laura.

"I guess so. I just wish it was over. I'm so sick and tired being reminded of what Jason did to me."

Laura leaned over and kissed me. I trembled slightly as her lips touched mine. We kissed for what seemed like minutes.

"That is so cool that you still have that little vibe when we kiss," cooed Laura.

"I hope that I never lose it."

Due to the lack of a make out place that evening we sat and talked a while longer in Spencer's.

We decided to call it a night and I drove her home. We kissed one more time and I watched her walk in.

As I drove home, I thought about how much I loved her. I also thought about how at this time last year I was angry that we were moving to 'a nothing little town in the middle of nowhere' and now I was legally Erika Warren and I had a lesbian girlfriend. I almost wished I could go back to my old neighborhood and hang out with Laura, just to see if anyone recognized me.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Forty-Three

Tony arrived around 7:30, and Mom invited him in for coffee. He smiled and said that never happened with Mrs. Lincoln.

"So you getting your nose operated on? You sure you don't want me to pass on some of the pain to you-know-who?" asked Tony. He had a sly smile on his face.

I was taking a sip of tea and almost spit it back up, as I watched Mom and Sam's reaction to Tony's remarks.

"Tony, this is Sam Warren, my dad and the town's DA." I announced, holding back a smile.

"No kidding? That's great. Hey, we're just joking here," backtracked Tony, taking a quick sip of his coffee.

"That's okay, I've sometimes wished there could be 'additional punishment'," added Sam. He then smiled at me and shook his head.

Laura arrived a few minutes later, followed closely by Cat, Matt, and Terri.

Tony grabbed our bags and soon had the limo ready to go. I have to admit that I loved watching the neighbors slow down as they drove by our house and looked at the big stretch limo in our driveway.

Matt and Cat had a tearful goodbye. It was strange seeing her so emotional. Mom and Sam also kissed goodbye. He also gave me a long hug goodbye.

"Call when you get in," ordered Sam.

"We will. I love you," replied Mom, as she got in the limo.

With those goodbyes we were on the road.

I rehashed my dinner with Nancy. I did leave out some key points about the scholarship. They didn't need to know everything, and some things only ought to be known by the few TG/TS participants.

We had a long talk about what sights we should see. Tony said that we'd have a driver on call at all times, but he wanted to give us the fifty-cent tour.

"I thought I got that one already?" I asked with a laugh.

"No, you only got the ten cent tour," replied Tony.

We discussed with him which things we should see each day. He suggested that we if we wanted to go out to the Statue of Liberty then we should do that on Friday and avoid the weekend crowds. Mom and Terri got in a long conversation on things to see and to avoid.

I talked with Cat and Laura for a while. However, I was overcome by my lack of sleep and soon dozed off.

I don't know how long I slept, but when I woke up we were in New Jersey. Cat and Laura were getting more and more excited as we got closer to New York. I think I'd have been more excited except for the primary reason we were going there.

Our hotel was nice. We were in one of those suite hotels, and we had a little kitchen area. It wasn't a penthouse suite, but then again, Mom isn't Mrs. Lincoln! However, we did get a FOML (Friend of Mrs. Lincoln) discount. Apparently the same people who owned the really nice hotel that we'd stayed in last time also owned this one.

We still had a view of the city. We had three connected rooms, so it was like staying in a very strangely shaped apartment building! There were three bedrooms, each with double beds. Mom and Terri took the middle bedroom, Cat and Laura took one, and I had a room by myself. Although, it really didn't matter, as the only times we were separate were when we were asleep. Actually Cat and Laura were always with me, keeping an eye on me. I knew that Jenny had called Mom over the weekend and had a long talk with her. I had to admit that I didn't mind the added attention. I was a bit worried about the return of my posttraumatic stress.

The first night we went to a small family-run Italian restaurant owned by friends of Tony. Our driver that night was Tony's cousin Nick. He was a lot like Tony.

The owners of the restaurant treated us like we were old family friends. Apparently Tony called ahead and told them we were FOML.

I'm sure that most of this special treatment was because of my association with Mrs. Lincoln. Still part of me thought that it might also have something to do with Tony liking me personally.

The dinner was wonderful, make that fantastic! I had the best Chicken Parmesan in my short life. The owners joined us for coffee and dessert. I mean nothing against Spencer's, but the cappuccino that night was ten times better. Maybe it was just the sense of excitement of being in NYC with family and friends! I really had a good time and it did a lot to take my mind off my worries.

I also enjoyed driving around in a limo. True, in NYC a limo doesn't attract as much attention as it would in Golden Hill, but it was still pretty cool.

Everyone went to bed early, a combination of being tired from the trip and the huge meal. I repeated my act of my last trip to the city. I made a cup of tea and sat looking out the window. Granted it wasn't as good a view but it was still pretty cool. I finally went to sleep. I'm pleased to say that I didn't have a single nightmare.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Forty-Four

Friday was our big "act like a tourist" day. We were also going to the Broadway show that evening, and then a late dinner. Saturday we were going shopping and Sunday was up in the air until Tony suggested that we go to Yankee Stadium. He said he could get us great seats. To my total surprise everyone thought that was a great idea!

I won't bore you with all the details, but Tony's fifty-cent tour was well worth every cent! We did go out to Statue of Liberty. He also drove us past other sites. Yes, we went to the top of the Empire State Building, I said we were in tourist mode! We also went by Rockefeller Plaza and the UN building. I was glad I'd brought my camera again.

The really funny thing was that Tony was really taking a liking to Terri. We all got a kick out of that, including Terri! She said that there was nothing wrong with a little flirting.

Tony had us back at the hotel in plenty of time to get ready for the show. He told us that Nick would be our driver again that evening, and that we had reservations at the restaurant near the theater courtesy of Mrs. Lincoln. I guess she was determined to make my trip as pleasant as possible.

It was fun getting dressed up for the show. I wore my little black dress and my new diamond earrings. I loved this! That's another huge change in my persona. I hated dressing up as a boy. I hated ties and jackets. At least a woman can get dressed up and still be fairly comfortable, except for the shoes. I have become convinced that a woman invented the necktie in revenge for a man creating high heels! I feel that I could be considered an expert on this issue.

The show was excellent. I could get addicted to seeing Broadway shows! Nick drove us the short three-block drive to the restaurant. As before there was a long line to get in and the VIPs got to walk right by. It was fun walking by the people in line. We could hear them asking who we were.

It was pretty cool inside as well. There were many celebrities and we were all a bit star struck. I was so happy to be sharing this with Mom and my best friends. It was hard to eat, as there was so much going on around us. Because we were seated immediately, everyone obviously thought we were 'somebodies.' People walked by our table and nodded and acknowledged us, just in case we were important.

But the biggest thrill that night was when the actor, friend of Mrs. Lincoln recognized me; it was either that, or Mrs. Lincoln had tipped him off and he came over as a favor to her. Either way I don't care!

He even remembered my name and I introduced him to Mom, Terri, Cat, and Laura. He talked to us for a few minutes and then left. Even Cat was impressed! It was another great day.

Back at the hotel I joined Cat and Laura to watch some late night TV. We were all in our pjs by then.

"I still can't believe that he came over to our table and said hello to you!" exclaimed Laura.

"If I hadn't been there, I'd never have believed it," added Cat.

"I was there and even I'm not sure it happened!" I added. "I'm so happy you two are here with me."

"We don't mind being on the Erika surgery tour of America. Just make sure you pick somewhere fun for your SRS!" replied Cat.

"Well, at least this time you won't be sleeping in a waiting room," I added.

There was a long silence.

"I can't tell you how much you being there meant to me." I could feel my emotions pick up a notch.

"We know," replied Laura.

"Still, I like telling you..." I could feel my eyes watering up. "I was so scared," I added softly, with that I started to cry.

Cat and Laura hugged me. "If it makes you feel better, we were all pretty scared too," added Cat.

I felt better after my soft cry. It was nice being able to show emotion and not worry about what others may think. I think that's one of the biggest drawbacks of being male.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Forty-Five

Saturday was a shopping day. This was another change in my persona. I actually enjoyed going shopping now. It was also fun going shopping as a group. We didn't buy much, but we had a great time. We did stop at Undercover Elegance. Mom wanted to get something special for her wedding night. Bridget was very nice and helped Mom pick out a luxurious silk nightie and a matching peignoir.

Sunday, we went to the Yankees game. We invited Tony to join us and he gladly accepted the invitation. Tony got us great seats. Terri sat next to him. They were really becoming friendly. It was wonderful sitting outside on a nice afternoon.

I bought a program and scored the game as we watched. I enjoyed keeping track of the plays, and it made a nice history of the game. My scoring the game caught the attention of some of the guys sitting around us.

"You know, you're first girl I've even seen who could score a game!" interrupted a large man behind us.

"I enjoy doing it. Besides it isn't very hard," I replied.

"Tell that to my son!" joked the man with a laugh. "So, who taught you to score a game, your dad?"

"Nope! My mom taught me!" I replied with a big smile. While Mom wasn't a big football fan, she did love baseball and we had gone to a lot of games back in San Diego.

"I'll be dammed!" he exclaimed and then he started to laugh.

The game was very exciting and the Yankees won 6-5 with a 9th inning rally. I'm not a Yankees fan, but it would be suicidal to cheer against them in Yankee Stadium!

Tony drove us back to the hotel and said that he'd be there at 5:00 AM to take me to the hospital. I ate an early dinner, as I had to stop eating by 7:00 PM. I told the others that they could go out, but they elected to stay at the hotel with me.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Forty-Six

Monday morning came quickly. I got up and showered and put on comfortable clothes. There was no need for makeup. I packed my small bag. All I needed was panties, bra, pjs, toiletries, reading material, my CDs and player. I also packed up the rest of my stuff and moved it into Mom and Terri's room. There was no need to be paying for an empty room!

We arrived at the hospital and checked in. I changed and waited for Dr. Ayres. Of course, there were numerous forms to sign and the nurse took my vitals several times. Dr. Ayres showed up and examined my nose again. He said that the surgery would take a couple of hours. He gave me a choice of a local or being out. I picked being out!

"How long will I be here?" I asked.

"I'd like you to stay at least one day, maybe two. I'll know more after the surgery," explained Dr. Ayres. "I doubt you'll be wanting to go anywhere."

He was right. When I came to after the surgery, my whole face hurt. The pain radiated out from my nose. I was lying down with my head elevated.

As I regained focus, I could see Dr. Ayres examining me.

"Everything went really well," he announced.

"How long was I out?" I asked. I felt slightly nauseous.

"The surgery lasted just under three hours," he replied.

"How bad do I look?" I asked.

He handed me a mirror. "The swelling and bruising will improve in a week to ten days," he informed me. "But, just so you'll know, like before, the bruising will get worse before it starts to improve."

I looked at myself in the mirror and to be honest I have looked worse! I thought about the range of colors on my face the last time. At least I'd save money on makeup the next few weeks.

"It hurts worse than when he broke it initially," I stated.

"That's true. He only hit you a couple of times. I had to do more to reshape it. We'll be giving you a prescription to ease the pain. Trust me, it will start to feel better soon."

The nurse brought Mom in and he explained the precautions and things to look out for. The nurse gave me some pain pills and I drifted out.

Later that evening, I woke up and saw Mom sitting in my room reading.

"What time is it?" I asked.

Mom looked up and smiled. She looked at her watch. "It's almost 7:00 PM and, yes it's still Monday."

I tried to manage a smile. "Thanks for being here. I know I'm not much to look at."

"I've seen you look worse." She got up and walked over to me and took my hand.

"I think I'll stop at just one of these, unlike that singer," I quipped, with a slight smile.

Mom smiled.

"So where's everyone else?" I asked.

"Terri took them to dinner. They should be here soon," answered Mom.

"Have you eaten?" I asked.

"They're bringing me something. Are you hungry?" asked Mom

"Not really, but I am thirsty."

The nurse brought in some water in a sports bottle with a straw. My stomach was still a bit unsettled, so eating wasn't a priority.

"Did you call Dad yet?" I asked.

"Yes but he said to call back if you felt like talking." I noticed Mom smiled when I called Sam, Dad!

We didn't talk long. He was happy that I'd come through the surgery without problems. I was happy just to talk to him.

Just then Cat, Laura, and Terri came in. We talked for a few minutes and then I drifted out again.

I wound up staying in the hospital for two days. By Tuesday afternoon Dr. Ayres was satisfied and said I could go home the next day. I looked worse, but had much less pain. It was centralized in my refurbished nose.

"You'll need to have the sutures removed next week. I've contacted a colleague near your town, and he'll do that," he informed me. He handed the information to Mom. "I'd like to see you again in a couple of months."

We decided to leave in the morning. I spent Tuesday night in the hospital. It was just easier than going back to the hotel. In addition to my friends and family, Tony came up to see how I was doing. He asked me if I wanted anything.

"Well, I did promise a cheesecake for my co-workers at Mrs. Lincoln's store, is there any way we could take one back?" I asked.

He smiled. "Leave it to me, kid. See ya in the morning."

I slowly regained my appetite. Eating was bit difficult, as chewing caused some pain in my nose. Dr. Ayres also advised me not to eat anything spicy, as he didn't want me to irritate my nose or to have to blow it. There was a good deli nearby and Mom brought me up some chicken noodle soup and a container of a really delicious rice pudding.

I insisted that they go out for a good dinner. After all, they'd spent most of the day in my room with me. I read a while before drifting off to sleep.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Forty-Seven

I had my first nightmare since the surgery that night. I was back in the Golden Hill ER, being examined by the police. The main difference from reality was that my injuries were much worse in the dream. My whole face was battered and bloody. I woke up disoriented, and it took me a few seconds to remember where I was.

I looked around and reached for the water bottle. It was empty, so I decided to be a wimp and pressed the call button.

The nurse was very nice. I asked her what time it was, and she said it was almost 4:00AM

"Is everything okay?" she asked.

"I just had a nightmare. I'm better now," I replied.

"You want to talk about it?" she asked. She pulled up a chair and sat down next to my bed.

I nodded and told her about my nightmare, and how it was related to my present hospital stay.

"How old are you, Erika?" she asked.

"I'll be eighteen next month." Hey, if I was an almost college freshman, then I could be almost eighteen too!

She just shook her head. "I'm so sorry that you had to experience something like that. I hope they caught him."

"Yes, and he's in prison now. There was some good that came out of it too; my Mom ended up getting engaged to our town's DA."

"You ought to write this up as a movie."

We both laughed at that.

We talked for a few more minutes. She was very nice, and I felt very relaxed talking to her. I drifted back to sleep. When I woke up, it was morning and she was off shift. I never had a chance to thank her. I did get her name so I could write her.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Forty-Eight

The ride home seemed very long. I slept most of the way home. Yes, I told Mom about the nightmare and the help from the nurse.

We got home by mid-afternoon. I thanked Tony and he gently gave me a big hug.

"So who gets the cheesecakes?" he asked. He pulled two boxes with cheesecakes in them out of the mini-fridge in the limo.

I smiled as he handed the two cakes to Mom. "Thank you so much," I said.

"This is the best in the city," he replied. "And before you ask, they are on the house."

"Thanks again."

Cat said she'd run one over to the Mall.

Tony got our bags out of the trunk and I went inside. I'd only been gone a few days, but I really missed being home. I immediately went up to bed.

To my surprise Sam had picked up one of those large pillows that allows you to sit up in bed. It was sitting on my bed and I immediately put it to good use. The pills did a good job of killing the pain, but they made me so sleepy.

I came down later. Sam got up and gave me nice gentle hug. It was dinnertime, and I managed to eat some solid food. The pain was slowly decreasing, as the bruises seemed to get worse. I now sported a nice pair of raccoon eyes.

The next few weeks were dedicated to healing and recovery. With the surgery behind me, the next big event was the wedding, followed closely by the trip to the shore. Then our close circle of friends would be spread out. I tried not to think about that. I wanted to savor the next few months and not think of the separations from so many wonderful friends.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Forty-Nine

I'm taking the liberty of jumping ahead to the wedding. However I'll provide a summary of what went on in the weeks between my operation and Mom and Sam's nuptials.

My recovery went really well. There were no complications and my overhauled nose looked pretty good. It wasn't THAT different from my pre-attack nose. Maybe it was a bit smaller than before. Laura said it was cuter! However, what was important was that it looked great and was no longer bent, and my sense of smell was still great. It was no longer a reminder of Jason's brutality. Dr. Ayres had done a wonderful job. He'd said that he'd reexamine the scar above my eye when I saw him for my nose checkup.

Alex and Mike stopped off to see me before they took off to college. They promised to be back for the wedding. Alex was a bit disappointed that he wouldn't be able to attend his family's annual Fourth of July party. He promised that he'd make up for this in the future. It was a fun party, even though I just sat and watched the volleyball games.

In addition to Mike and Alex I had a steady flow of visitors after I got back from NYC. I sort of set up camp on our deck, and all my friends dropped by whenever they had a chance. We played board games, listened to music, talked, and worked on our tans. Mom found me a straw hat with a huge, floppy brim that kept the sun off my nose. I had about as much fun as possible in my recovery.

Laura and I continued our relationship. Maybe it would have been better if we'd have drifted apart, but instead the opposite occurred. We were even deeper in love! Separation would be awful, and I tried not to think about it.

I had a wonderful birthday. It was subdued because of I was still recovering from my surgery. Mom and Sam gave me a pair of diamond stud earrings. I treasure them to this very day.

My transition was also progressing nicely. My first checkup with my endocrinologist was great. He was very pleased with my progress. I was moving past an A-cup and fully expected to be in a B-cup soon. I also followed a suggestion and began to have some sperm samples frozen. The suggestion came from someone at Spencer's who said that if I stayed in a lesbian relationship I'd have the opportunity to "father" a child down the line. The idea intrigued me, and I decided to try it. I was still "potent" enough to start this procedure.

Cat went down to Philly for a few weeks. She was checking out her college and she spent some time with Matt. They were becoming quite the couple. Cat told me that they were both playing it smart, so there was no need to worry.

Terri and Mom were in full planning mode for the wedding. I was amazed at how quickly Terri put it all together. She had managed to get the tents, caterer, DJ, and everything else on very short notice. Mom picked out her dress at Mrs. Lincoln's store, along with the bridesmaids' dresses. I was impressed with the outfits she selected. They actually looked like something you'd want to wear for more than just one occasion!

I also started working at the store again in early July. I was putting in full 40-hour weeks and loving it. I'd wanted to go back earlier, but everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, insisted that I stay home and recover a bit longer. Mom, Sam, Terri, Jenny, Laura, Nancy, and Cat all voted against my early return to work. Needless to say, with that sort of lopsided voting Mrs. Lincoln wouldn't consider letting near the place.

Anyway, when I returned to work it felt great. I still had to be careful. Dr. Ayres had told me that complete healing would take almost a year. But then again, how badly can you hurt your nose in a clothing store?

Chapter Two-Hundred-Fifty

The week of the wedding was wild. Sam's family was coming up from Philly and he'd reserved a whole wing at the best local motel. Only one relative from our side of the family answered the invitation. She was a cousin who said that they'd love to come, but couldn't make it all the way from San Diego. The rest of the family ignored the invitations. That was fine with me. I was just as glad that they weren't coming, so that they couldn't ruin the day.

My REAL family was going to be at the wedding. Terri, Cat, Laura, Nancy, and all of our friends in Golden Hill more than made up for the narrow-minded people Mom and I were actually related to!

The actual wedding would take place in the city park overlooking the river. Even though Mom and Sam weren't overly religious they were going to use a minister for the service. They got the one who'd spoken at the rally back in May. He was honored to do the service.

I was looking forward to meeting Sam's family. They were due to arrive starting the Wednesday before the wedding. They all knew my status. I didn't mind, as most secrets never last anyway. At this point in my life, I saw myself as female anyway not a boy dressing as a girl. I had an identity as Erika, and a body that was beginning to match my mind.

On the Tuesday before the wedding, Laura and I were at Spencer's. We were by now well known and accepted by the regulars. Some knew I was TS, but most just saw us as a young lesbian couple.

In some ways it was funny, in that I got more looks for being seen as a lesbian than from those who might have suspected that I was TS. Laura told me that I was crazy on the latter, as I looked so feminine. We had been going to the pool most of the summer and we never once had a single problem. I think that until I had my SRS I was worried about being made. There was always the fear in the back of my head that someone would detect my secret and expose me.

"So how many 'deposits' have you made?" asked Laura.

I smiled. "Several, so far." Okay, I was deliberately vague.

"You know if we stay together, it'd be so cool to have a child that's both of ours genetically."

"That's true, but let's not look too far ahead."

"Trust me, we were meant to be. But I'm in no rush to have a baby!"

"So, if we ever break up it is just temporary?"

"Absolutely. I have a very strong feeling that we will be together."

"You know. I actually believe you," I replied

We then kissed.

"My parents are out this evening; you want to go back to my house?" asked Laura.

I just nodded yes. Laura stood up and helped me up, and we walked out to my car.

Back at Laura's house, we went up to her room. She led me to the bed and we sat down and began to kiss. We started slowly and tenderly. The wonderful thing about our relationship was that it was very sharing and mutual. It wasn't a competition.

We still stayed above the waist, but that wasn't so bad. Laura really knew how to get me going by playing with my nipples. I experienced feelings that were very erotic. My new loose emotions took me to new sexual highs. Laura was amazed by the reactions she got from me as she worked my nipples. Between her fingertips, lips, and tongue, she had me squirming all over her bed. She really enjoyed getting that reaction!

Laura also knew how to bring me back down, and we ended in each other's arms. It's very difficult to put down in mere words the sensations that she took me through. I think that because we cared so much for each other, the sexual side was even more intense.

"How was that?" asked Laura. She was lying next to me, her head propped up by her hand.

"Wow!" was all I could say. I was breathing hard and was awash in emotions.

"I can't wait until you've had your SRS. I look forward to teaching you about that area of your body."

"I know. By the way, we finished filling out the application for the operation. We should get a response in the next few weeks."

"That's so cool," replied Laura. She leaned over and kissed me again.

As we got dressed Laura mentioned that she had something to show me. On her computer she had combined the photos of my growing chest and run them through a morphing program. I watched as my breasts grew out of my initially flat chest; it was pretty cool.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Fifty-One

The first of our future family arrived Wednesday afternoon. Sam's parents and his sister Carla and her husband arrived in Golden Hill. Sam didn't look very disappointed that Carla had left her kids back in Philly. Sam's brother Brett was delayed at work and would be arriving Thursday. Sam had selected him to be his best man.

Mom and Sam invited the first arrivals over for a barbecue at our house. For the first time since I had known him, Sam actually looked nervous!

"Relax, Sam," stated Mom. "Everything is fine; we even have your father's favorite beer in the fridge!" She then gave him a kiss.

"I think they're here!" I announced. A large green SUV pulled into the driveway.

Sam, Mom, and I walked outside to greet them. I suddenly felt very nervous!

They greeted me as if they'd known me my whole life! Sam's father gave me a big bear hug and Sam's mom kissed me. Carla was also very happy to meet me, although her husband, Dave, looked a little apprehensive.

We took them out to the deck. It was nice and shady in the afternoon. Sam and Mom got drinks for everyone. The initial conversation concerned their trip up from Philly. It then shifted to the wedding.

Sam turned on the barbecue and his father and Dave stayed out to help him. The 'girls' went inside to get everything else ready.

Carla was very cool, and I felt very close to her almost immediately. Sam's mom insisted that I call her 'Grandma'. That really got to me emotionally.

Mom had previously told them about the issues in our family. They agreed that it was their loss and not ours!

Mom gave Grandma Warren a tour of the house, giving Carla and I some time alone, staying in the kitchen to keep an eye on the rest of the meal.

Carla told me that I looked great and that she was glad that the surgery had gone so well.

"I'm just glad that it's over. Although it's minor compared to my next operation." I stated.

"I have to tell you that, if I didn't know the truth about your birth gender, I'd never have guessed after meeting you today," complimented Carla. "You really are a lovely young lady." She smiled at me.

"Thanks, Carla." I noticed that she had a similar smile to her brother.

"Don't worry about Dave. He'll warm up to you. You're the first TS he's ever met, so I'm afraid he's dealing with trash TV propaganda," announced Carla.

"So, do you know any other transgendered women?" I asked.

"I've met a few through work, on both sides of the law," she replied.

"Oh! That's right. I forgot you were in DA's office in Philly."

"I also followed your case rather closely. Sam was very proud about the way you handled yourself during the trial. I was also impressed!"

"Did he tell you about my problems after the trial?" I asked.

"Yes, he did. Don't be ashamed of what happened. Your reactions were only human."

The more we talked, the more I liked her.

"Thanks. I still can't believe it happened. I'm also getting sick and tired of the nightmares," I said softly.

"It takes time to recover, Erika. I still get nightmares sometimes."

I looked over at her, and she was smiling gently at me.

"I didn't know. I'm sorry," I apologized.

"It happened a long time ago. It was right after I became a lawyer, and he was a coworker. We went out on a date and he took it too far," explained Carla.

"That explains Sam's special interest in sexual assault cases."

Sam was still a detective at the time. He made the decision to become a lawyer during my trial, getting angry at the way the defense lawyer treated me. He decided that he wanted to do more to protect the victims while putting the guilty away for a long time. I also think that he wanted to make the defense attorney pay for the way he treated me."

"Who was the lawyer who cross-examined you?" I asked.

"Martin Turner," replied Carla, she had the Warren smile on her face.

"Wow. It really is a small world!"

"How true! If Martin hadn't been so brutal to me on the stand, we might not be talking today!"

I went on to tell her about what Mom had done to Martin Turner in the restaurant. We both were laughing hysterically when Mom and Grandma Warren returned

"Jill, my opinion of you just went through the roof!" said Carla, who was slowly regaining her composure.

Mom looked confused until I told her what we were talking about. Grandma Warren also seemed very pleased with Mom's actions.

"I knew Sam would marry a strong woman!" stated Grandma Warren. "Too bad the SOB wasn't hurt when you tripped him!" This brought on a new round of laughter.

Dinner went really well. Sam's father insisted that I sit next to him and also insisted that I call him Grandpa. I was so excited about the way they accepted me.

By the end of the evening even Dave had warmed up to me.

After dinner Carla told me all sorts of stories about Sam. Sam came into the kitchen and overheard her telling me a story about one of his wild adventures.

"I must warn you, Erika, that your Aunt Carla is a pathological liar," commented Sam. He smiled at us as he got a cup of coffee.

"You mean that you didn't really streak at your high school homecoming dance?" I asked innocently.

Sam just shook his head and smiled, "Wait until later, Erika, and I'll tell you some stories of Carla's sordid past!" laughed Sam.

Carla then threw a dishrag at Sam, hitting him in the back of the head. He then chased her out of the kitchen and outside. Grandpa Warren just smiled and said it was nice to see some things never change.

After they left, I told Sam and Mom what Carla had told me.

"You're even more my hero now than before!" I announced.

"Mine too!" concurred Mom, kidding him.

For once he was speechless.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Fifty-Two

The rest of the Warren clan arrived on Thursday. Sam's younger brother Brett showed up along with several other relatives. To be honest, I had a hard time keeping track of them. I did notice that they all thought very highly of Sam, that they were very happy he was marrying Mom, and that they all seemed to accept me.

Brett was pretty cool. It was really fun watching Sam, Carla, and Brett insult and goof on each other. Brett also took an instant liking to Terri. She also seemed interested in him. Cat joked that if things worked out she and I could end up being related!

The next few days were very hectic. Thankfully, Terri was there to organize everything.

Mom wanted Carla to be in the wedding party, so Carla and I went over to Mrs. Lincoln's store to get her dress tailored. I also enjoyed introducing her to Cindy, Mel and of course Mrs. Lincoln.

Mrs. Lincoln told us that the dress would be ready in an hour. Having some time to kill, we went to lunch together. We went to the diner downtown near the courthouse.

"I can't get over how well everyone in your family has accepted me," I stated.

"What amazes me is that your own family won't even acknowledge you," replied Carla. "Sam spoke highly of you, even before he was dating your mom. When he told us that they were dating, and then engaged, we figured that if you're being transgendered didn't matter to him, then why should any of us object?"

"Thanks."

"However, Sam's admiration for you just bought you the initial introduction to the family. After that it was up to you, and the way you've handled yourself really won us all over. Yes, we know you're transgendered, however it's not your total identity with us. You made real points with my parents by considering them your grandparents."

I was speechless. It was so nice to know that people were willing to give you a chance.

After lunch we picked up the dress and headed back to my house. Terri was directing what could best be called 'organized confusion'. The caterers were there and they were setting up the tents in the backyard.

The rest of the day involved the usual pre-wedding chaos. We had a short practice and then dinner.

Later that evening Mom, Carla, Terri, and I were sitting in the kitchen talking. Carla joined us in drinking tea. Sam didn't approve of her drinking tea and said that it only proved that she was really adopted!

Mom was a nervous wreck, and we were doing our best to calm her down. I found it slightly ironic that our usual roles were reversed. I was so used to her calming me down!

Mom wouldn't say it, but I knew she was upset that no one from our side of the family had accepted the invitation to the wedding. We both knew that it wasn't just a distance issue, rather their absence was due to their own ignorance. Personally, I'd written them off long ago, but Mom still had feelings for some of them. I felt a bit helpless, as there was nothing I could do about it.

To be totally honest, I couldn't understand their hostility to Mom. Yes, she had made mistakes when she was younger, but she had more than made up for them. She had become a successful businesswoman. She'd raised me as a single mother and I'd turned out pretty well. I don't believe that the way I was raised had anything to do with my being TS. The more I studied it, the more I felt it was a biological cause. If they weren't willing to open their eyes and see what a wonderful person Mom was, then they could all go to hell.

I said goodnight and let Carla and Terri work on her. I knew they'd calm her down.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Fifty-Three

Saturday was a lovely day. The weather was perfect; sunny, warm, and not humid. The wedding was due to take place around noon. Mom and Sam had planned the ceremony to be short. Neither wanted a long drawn out ritual. I think we were all pleased that they'd made that decision.

I was really happy with the way I looked in my dress. It was light yellow, simple but elegant. I liked that it was cut a bit low and thus showed off my boobs a little. They did get help from the pads, but I still thought I looked pretty good! I wore the white lingerie that Mrs. Lincoln bought me.

Mom looked radiant. She'd calmed down somewhat, and now was just slightly nervous. I felt so good for her. She truly deserved all the happiness she could have from this moment.

The wedding itself went off without a hitch. Sam and Mom looked great. Once Mom saw so many of our friends there, I think she forgot about our lack of relatives there. As planned, the wedding ceremony was elegant in its simplicity. The minister gave a short sermon and then there was a simple exchange of vows. Then we officially became a family.

The reception was also a great time. The guest list was huge, and I think everyone who showed up had a great time. The mayor of the town even showed up!

Most of my friends were there with their families. Laura joked that she'd like a ceremony like that when we got married. Cat and Matt were there and I know Matt enjoyed meeting so many members of the law enforcement community. Caroline and Paul also showed up.

Kristen and Alex showed up with Mike and Tracey. The guys looked really good. They'd been working out all summer and it showed. I swear that Mike was two inches taller!

Jenny and Coach Chambers showed up as a couple. Coach insisted that I call her Lori now. There is always something weird about calling your ex-teachers and coaches by their first names. It takes a long time to get used to it!

Of course Nancy came. She even had a date. He was a doctor over at the hospital. They made a nice couple! I still had questions for her, but I knew that this wasn't the time or place.

Mrs. Lincoln looked so elegant! It was like having royalty at the reception. Grandpa Warren actually recognized her from her movies and the theater! They had a very lively conversation. It was the least formal that I'd ever seen Mrs. Lincoln.

Cindy and her husband and Cliff and Mel also came. Mel said that she liked the ceremony, but that her wedding would be more formal. Cliff cringed at hearing that! She told me that they'd set a date and it would be next June. Then she totally surprised me by asking me to be in the wedding party! Of course, I said yes. I mean, how many bridesmaids can say that they've punched the groom in the nose?

Brett and Terri were becoming very friendly. They danced all afternoon and into the evening.

Cat and I thought they made a great couple! Cat was pleased that her mom was becoming interested in romance again.

"The trip to New York was the trick. She said that Tony's interest in her was a wakeup call, and that she could still feel romantic," Cat remarked. There was a huge smile on her face. "I'm so happy for her!"

I also danced a lot that day. Thanks to my friends my skill was much improved. At least, I no longer made a fool out of myself. Laura didn't mind me dancing with other people, as long as I saved the slow ones for her! In addition to my friends from school, I danced with several adults. Tom Bell was one of my favorite ones, as was Grandpa Warren. Brett also danced with me, but the very best was with Dad!

Mom and Sam looked so happy. After all, Mom had been through, it was great that she finally had a man who really loved her. There was a slight change in plans due to their work schedules. They weren't going on their honeymoon until the fall. They'd decided to take a week off in October and drive through New England. They'd already picked out the bed & breakfasts they were going to stay at.

The reception ran late into the night. Since Sam and Mom had invited the neighbors, and also because half the police department was there as guests, there were no complaints about the noise!

As the party died down I had a chance to talk with Grandma Warren. Laura and I sat down next to her during one of our breaks from dancing.

"Well, it was certainly a lovely wedding. We were starting to worry that Sam never would settle down," stated Grandma Warren.

"Why is that?" I asked.

"He was always so much into his work. He never seemed to have the time to date."

"I'm glad he found the time!"

So am I, dear. I'm so happy that you are part of our family," she announced. "I'd love to have you to come down for a visit sometime. We'd love to show you around the city."

"That sounds great." I paused for a second. "I want to thank you for so readily accepting me into your family."

"Oh, Erika, it's our pleasure. Besides, I like the idea of having a granddaughter that I can go shopping with!" she answered with a laugh.

We then hugged. So, this was what it was like to have a family that actually cared about you! I felt a bit emotional thinking about not having had this for most of my life.

The last of the guests left around one. Sam told the caterers that they could come back to clean up in the morning, if they wanted to. They gladly accepted.

I slept over at Cat's that night, so Mom and Sam could have the house to themselves. We did agree to meet for brunch late. It was a wonderful day!

Chapter Two-Hundred-Fifty-Four

Brunch was also our farewell meal, as Sam's family was leaving afterward for the trek back to Philly. Even though I'd just met them, I'd miss them. They insisted that we come down for Thanksgiving and, much to my delight, Mom and Sam accepted!

Carla and Brett told me all sorts of stories about Sam. He returned the favor and told a few whoppers about them.

Mom was still glowing from the wedding. She kept looking at her ring with a huge smile on her face.

Cat, Laura, and I also talked about our trip to the Jersey shore. We were leaving on Wednesday and would be staying until the next week. We had to move the trip due to scheduling conflicts with Matt's parents over the house.

"You know, this Wednesday is an important date for you Erika," announced Cat.

I thought about it for a moment. "I give up, what is it?" I asked.

"It's your first anniversary as Erika."

She was right! I felt like a fool for forgetting. It had been a year ago that I'd first heard of the scholarship competition and my entire life had changed.

It had been a change for the better.

After brunch, we said goodbye to the Warren clan. I'd miss them. But it was so cool to suddenly have a family, especially one that actually loved and accepted me!

Chapter Two-Hundred-Fifty-Five

The trip to the shore was really great! Matt wasn't exaggerating about the house it was lovely. We were within walking distance of the beach. While it wasn't the Pacific, it was still pretty cool.

Laura and I went for long walks along the beach almost every day. I particularly loved the evening walks. We did catch some looks, as we made no effort to hide our love for each other. But the worst thing that happened was that some guy called us a couple of "fuckin' dykes". Laura wanted to go correct him and tell him that we hadn't gone that far yet. I joked that we could point out that I was still technically a guy. Laura made a big yuk face.

"You may have a penis, but you are NOT a guy. I don't date guys!" she whispered to me and then we kissed.

As usual she was right. I was no longer a guy. I was very happy being a girl. I wasn't exactly looking forward to the surgery. Oh, I wanted to get it, and I wanted my body to match my mind, but I was really sick of hospitals!

We also spent time with all the others. I really enjoyed the company of my friends. It saddened me a bit to think that we'd soon be scattered all over the state.

Laura and I did manage one afternoon alone in the house. We'd just been to the beach and came in to shower and change. Without saying a word, Laura took me by the hand and led me into the shower.

As the water came down on us, she slowly removed the top of my bikini. My breasts were now just about a B-cup. She began to kiss me and caress my breasts. I returned the favor. I practiced what she'd taught me and gently kissed and licked her nipples.

She then stripped off the bottom of her suit and did the same for me. We got out of the shower and dried off, and she led me to her bed. There on the bed, she gave me my first lesson in pleasing a woman below the waist.

"Now, I know yours will be a little different, but this is what it will look like," she stated.

She guided my hand down and showed me the pleasure areas. I was amazed and fascinated by everything she showed me. She explained how there were different areas that could be stimulated. I couldn't wait until I got my own! Yes, I knew that it would be different but it would still be better than my maleness.

I did as she told me and gently rubbed the areas she pointed out. Judging by her reaction I was doing a pretty good job. Once I got the hang of it, we began to kiss as I continued to touch her. It was funny that I had to change my gender to get this close to a girl!

When we finished, we cuddled and hugged each other.

"For your first time, that wasn't bad," announced Laura.

"Thank you. I have a great teacher!"

We both giggled.

"You know, after your operation I'll show you some great techniques to pleasure yourself."

I laughed. "It's funny, but boys masturbate all the time and they never think about girls doing it."

"That's stupid. Girls do it all the time too!" announced Laura. She leaned over and kissed me.

We finally got up and got dressed and went for a walk. We headed down to the beach. I loved watching the little sanderlings run back and forth in front of the waves. They were the cutest little birds.

"So, when are you leaving for school?" I asked.

"Labor Day weekend. My dad is renting a trailer to take my stuff down to my dorm room. Thankfully, I only have to stay in the dorms the first year. Are you staying at home?"

"Yes, even though the scholarship would pay for my dorm, I'd rather live at home. At least until after I have the operation."

"I just want to remind you that I want to go with you when you have it done."

"I know. I'm really going to miss you."

"I'll miss you too," said Laura.

We walked awhile without saying anything. We just held hands as we walked along the beach. I thought about how hard the separation, would be and it took all my willpower to keep from crying.

Thankfully, we cheered up by the time we got back to the house. There was no sense in dragging everyone else down in our misery. I thought we gave excellent performances that evening. On the outside we were perfectly happy while on the inside we were crying.

Chapter Two-Hundred-Fifty-Six

So that's the story of my first year as Erika. By the end of the Labor Day weekend, we were spread out all over the great Commonwealth of Pennsylvania.

The last thing I want to talk about is one of my dinners with Nancy Bell. It was just the two of us and I had some things to ask her about the scholarship.

"Okay, I understand the purpose of the contest, and I can see how it has changed Central High and Golden Hill for the better, but why did she set this up in the first place?" I asked.

"I asked my aunt that once. She told me that the woman who set this up was always interested in promoting equality and understanding. But the event that really made up her mind was a tragedy involving a mutual friend of theirs," replied Nancy.

"What happened?" I asked.

"You know that my aunt was in the theater in New York City. Well she initially met the woman who set this all up at a social event. Aunt Sylvia said she was a major contributor to the arts. They hit it off immediately and soon were great friends. They had a wide range of friends, including many in the LGBT community. A transgendered friend of theirs was beaten up pretty badly by a couple of neighborhood thugs. The person lay there for several hours until someone finally called the police. Apparently people walked by and refused to help. The police weren't much better; they mocked the victim and were slow in calling for an ambulance. Aunt Silva knew this because the person told her this before she died from her injuries. To top it all off, the police never even attempted to make an arrest. Their comment was that 'he had it coming by dressing up like a woman'."

I sat there in silence.

"So she decided that she'd do something to change people's ideas about the transgendered. She decided that she could sneak it into a scholarship program that was designed to promote gender understanding."

"So why Golden Hill?" I asked.

"It was the right size, it had a Liberal Arts college, and she also lived here. Her husband had been the president of Dewey. Her social status, combined with the influence of Aunt Sylvia, allowed the program to get started. The committee that was formed to oversee it was filled with likeminded people."

"So, the real goal was to change everyone else?" I asked.

"You've got it! So far we've made some good progress. You remember how I told you that we're considering expanding the program to other towns? Well, we have several towns that have contacted US and they want to do something similar," announced Nancy.

I sat there for a while thinking about what she'd just told me. "I want to help!"

"I was hoping you'd say that," smiled Nancy.

Epilog

It's hard to believe that those events happened ten years ago. I guess that I should catch you up on what's happened in past decade.

First off, both Mike and Alex had very successful college careers. Neither won the Heisman, but both ended up in pros. Alex's career didn't last that long, as he had knee problems. He's presently an assistant coach for Penn State. The word is that he'll eventually become a college head coach. He just got married last year. He still has the big party every Fourth of July, and every year as many of us as possible try to be there.

Mike's career has been much more successful. He's had a great career in the NFL and, barring injuries, he should have many more great seasons. Nonetheless, he's not just a jock. He earned a masters in social psychology in the off-seasons, and then put together a 'Sports without Bullies' program, which is getting a lot of attention in high schools across the country.

I did go to a few games at State, and I still go to the occasional pro game to see Mike play. He still considers me his lucky charm. Maybe he's right. Every game I've seen him play in person, they have won, including the past two Super Bowls.

Kristen broke up with Alex in college, but they remain good friends. She got her wish to live in NYC. She's presently a reporter for one of the big cable news networks. She told me that she's being groomed for her own show. We still get together once a year for a weekend of shopping and shows. She's still single although she's recently been dating a hockey player for one of the NY teams.

Tracey and Mike broke up in college. After she graduated from college, she married a doctor and moved to Atlanta. The last time I heard from her, she was a mother with three kids.

Rachael Patton went on to try out for the Olympics. She qualified for the marathon and had a respectable run, placing in the top thirty. She currently still competes in long distance events and does TV commentary for cable sports channels and the occasional network appearance. She's hoping to be a commentator for the next Summer Olympics.

Caroline had her SRS the following summer, a few weeks before mine. She has stayed with Paul and, for all practical purposes, they've been married since they graduated from Central. They have a successful comic strip that is presently syndicated in over a hundred newspapers around the country. They bought a big farmhouse near Golden Hill and turned it into their home and studio.

Denise is still rocking. She got her SRS a few years ago. She has become a successful studio musician and still tours with a band. She's also still a total nonconformist and still takes great joy in confusing the hell out of people.

Glenn works for NPR as a writer. He told me recently that he has no regrets concerning his decision to drop out. He did credit his time as Lisa as giving him the self-confidence to become a writer.

Dan stayed in Golden Hill. He's the manager of the leather shop next to Mrs. Lincoln's store.

Charlie still plays the piano, and is a well-respected studio artist. I've seen his name in the liner notes of many CDs. I did see him play a few years ago. He was touring with a well-known blues singer.

Alex's brother, Nick entered the Scholarship contest and lasted two months. He said he just wanted to see what it was like. Several years later, he confessed that he had a major crush on me. He moved to Seattle and the last I heard he worked in the news department of a local television station.

Tom Bell is presently a special investigator for the Pennsylvania State Police. He's married and has several kids. Sam is still trying to talk him into going to law school, but Tom says that he's having too much fun "catching jerks."

Jenny McCall and Lori Chambers are still in Golden Hill. They are still a couple. Lori is now the Athletic Director at Dewey. Jenny still has her practice, and I still call and see her every now and then.

Dr. Lee is now a professor at Dewey, where she teaches sociology.

Mrs. Lincoln has retired from directly running her stores. She turned the day-to-day operation of the business over to Cindy. She still makes her trips to New York, and is in the middle of writing her memoirs. I can't wait to read them!

Tony, the limo driver, also retired and turned the business over to his sons. However he still serves as Mrs. Lincoln's driver, whenever she goes to the city.

Mel and Cliff married the following June and their marriage is still going strong. They now live in northern California and have two kids and three dogs.

Jason is still in prison. He has become a 'model' prisoner and because of that he'll be eligible for early parole next year. That's several years sooner than his original sentence. I plan on going to the hearing, and every one after that. I guess I should be more forgiving, but it's very hard to forgive his actions. I still carry around some baggage because of what he did to me, and I have no early release from my pain, so I don't think he should get out early just because he's been a good boy.

Martin Turner lost his license to practice law in PA. The last I heard of him, he was selling used cars in Miami, Florida. I know that I'd never buy a car from him!

Nancy Bell is now the principal at Central. She has also earned her doctorate. The scholarship program is still going strong. She has seen similar programs start up in three other school districts. She was married last year and I was one of her bridesmaids. Her husband Jeff is a professor at Dewey and is really nice. I still consider her one of my best friends!

Terri and Brett dated on and off for a few months before they surprised everyone and eloped on a trip to Las Vegas. He moved to Golden Hill, joined the police force as a lieutenant, and became the new police chief two years later.

Cat has had a very interesting life since graduating from Central High. She graduated with honors from college and was immediately hired by the FBI. She joined Matt, who had been hired two years earlier. She quickly became a rising star in the criminal lab. They sent her back to school to earn her masters degree in forensic science. She has personally solved several high profile crimes. They say that she's a natural!

Cat married Matt two years ago in a lovely ceremony down in Washington DC. I was honored to be her maid of honor. We still keep in touch and I can always count on her honest opinion and her wonderful advice. After all, we're now cousins in a sort of roundabout way.

Sam and Mom are still married and even deeper in love. I now have a sister, Terri, age 9, and a brother, Sam Jr., age 7. I love being the older sister! Mom still works at the computer company and is now VP of marketing. Sam is still the DA, although there have been rumblings of people trying to get him to run for congress. Sam says that he's too honest to be a congressman. He still drinks coffee and still has his killer smile!

They still live in the same house. The backyard is now fenced in and is the playground for the kids and the dogs. Sam couldn't decide what to get, so they got both a chocolate lab named Mocha and an Irish setter named Murphy. The bush is still alive and thriving. It's huge now and shelters a rabbit's burrow. I am glad that it has become a sanctuary.

Laura and I broke up during our second year of college. The distance/separation was too hard on both of us, and we made a mutual decision to split up. We stayed friends and got back together again later, but more on that later.

She passed the bar and is now practicing law. She specializes in civil rights, with special attention to women's rights and LGBT discrimination. She also works with Marlene at times. Sam says that she's an excellent lawyer and that he wouldn't mind having her on his staff.

As for me, I had my SRS the summer following graduation. I pushed it back from the spring so Cat and Laura could be there for me. The surgery was successful. I never got the plastic surgery for the scar above my eye. It had faded enough so that it was barely noticeable.

The adoption papers came through the fall after graduating from Central High and I became Sam's daughter legally! I continued to attend Dewey and to work at the shop. I graduated with a BA in History and a minor in Education. I took some time off to travel a little before I started my student teaching. I was hired the following year at Central and now work alongside Mr. Kline - excuse me, that's Gordon! I still have difficulty calling my former teachers by their first names, just as he predicted!

I love teaching, and I'm also on the scholarship committee. I'm seriously thinking about going back to college to become a counselor. Nancy says that there's funding available if I want to do that. Mrs. Lincoln has also told me that when she gets too old, she wants me to take her seat on the Scholarship Trust board of trustees. She says she doesn't plan on getting 'too old' any time soon.

As for my private life, I survived the initial break up with Laura. After college I had a short intense fling with Mike. I think we both needed it. Mike told me that he'd had a real crush on me in high school. However, it wasn't meant to be, but it was really fun while it lasted and we left it as good friends.

I still have the occasional battles with the demons spawned by Jason's hateful action, but I'm still winning the war. Having understanding friends has been my greatest asset, along with the occasional therapy session.

Laura and I got back together after she finished law school, and it was better than ever before! She always said that we were going to be together forever and she was right; we got married four years ago. The funny thing is that the same laws that wouldn't let me completely change all my paperwork to say I was female allowed us to get married. Since they considered me a male, legally that is, they had no choice but to issue us a marriage license. It was either that or legally declare me female. Laura said that Marlene's and her goal was to get those ridiculous laws replaced, and I believe her. Laura still considers the case as her finest moment in the courtroom. She was even interviewed on nationwide TV! We joked about who would play us in the made-for-TV movie.

The actual wedding was just a simple exchange of vows. Because of the publicity of the case, we held it in secret with only family and close friends. Still, it was a lovely ceremony. It was also pretty cool having Sam give me away.

So, we both live in Golden Hill. We found a lovely house with a spacious yard that's just a couple blocks from Mom and Sam. We share our home with a large mixed breed pound dog named Charlie, my tribute to John Steinbeck, and a black cat named Maya, named after a friend's cat back in San Diego. Laura is also eight months pregnant with our first child, a daughter, who we've decided to name Caitlin, in honor of our best friend. My spermcicles seemed to have stayed potent enough to get her pregnant. There was talk by some of the wacko political/zealots about coming here to protest, until they realized who we were. They must have done their research this time and knew not to mess with us!

Anyway, things are going very well. Sam and Mom are very excited about becoming grandparents. Grandma and Grandpa Warren are VERY excited about becoming great-grandparents. I'm also excited about being a co-mom, as I'll be taking some maternity leave to help raise Kitten, our nickname for our daughter. I've been getting all sorts of great advice from Elaine Roberts at Central. We still laugh about my adventures with Robo-baby. I was delighted to find out that, with some hormone dosage adjustments and frequent nipple stimulation, I should be able to produce breast milk and help nurse our daughter. Laura has been enthusiastic about the frequent stimulation!

So, that's all for now. I may write more another day, but I have a feeling that, with our baby on the way, I'll be a bit busy in the future. However, if your town is looking to start a scholarship program similar to the one at Central, please contact Dr. Nancy Bell, Principal, Central High School, Golden Hill, PA. She'll be happy to help you!

The End

 
Notes:

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