Chapter 2

"Have you heard the rumor?" one of the moms asked Aunt Amy in the wardrobe room.

"What rumor? she said as she worked on my tunic for my role in Sleeping Beauty.

"There will be a transgendered child attending the middle school next year," the mom said.

"Oh really?" Aunt Amy said before she told me to stop fidgeting.

"I swear I'm dealing with Meg," she said as she put another pin in the tunic.

"What would you think would happen if that child took class here?" the woman asked my aunt.

"I would hope that child and her family would be treated with respect," my aunt replied. "Can't be easy on them."

The woman didn't have a clue she was talking about me. My therapist contacted the school to tell them one of her clients would be transitioning next year. She did it to guage what kind of reaction I would get, and how it would be handled. She hadn't reported back to Mom about her findings.

Just then, Meg peeked in.

"Oh Collin, Miss Jana said your Gaynor's are in ... ready to start breaking them in?"

By Gaynor's, Meg meant the brand of my pointe shoes, Gaynor Mindens.

I took off the tunic as fast as I could, being careful I wouldn't get stuck by the pins Aunt Amy put in it to stitch it up.

"Aren't we being enthusiastic?" the mom asked. "My Kayla was the same way. I didn't know what boys thought about them."

"I think they're cool," I said as I dashed out to change so I could beat them up and try them on.

"I never knew how much Collin and Meg favor," the mother told Aunt Amy. "I mean, he favors her more than Jack does."

"Jack gets his looks from his father," Aunt Amy said. "Meg and Collin get their looks from my side of the family. Collin's mom, Anna, and I are twins. And our mother always tells us how much they look alike, and act alike."

*****

I admit I felt a little wobbly when I tried them on.

"Everybody feels that way when they put them on," Meg said.

"And it's going to take some time before you can really dance in them." Miss Jana said. "Just ask your Ballet IV mates."

"Can't wait for class," I said. I wanted to dance in them badly.

Madame Kathryn walked by and laughed.

"Another one of my ugly ducklings trying to swim," she said.

I gave her a strange look. Not sure I was entirely pleased with the comment.

Madame Kathryn smiled.

"Oh don't worry," she said. "You remind me of the young, beautiful swan helping you."

Meg looked at her and blushed.

"You knew she was talking about you," Miss Jana said.

Meg shook her head.

"It's going to take a lot of work," Madame Kathryn said. "But I'm sure having a cousin for your mentor would help."

Madame Kathryn then asked Miss Jana what she thought about the company promotions.

"Olga approved them?" Miss Jana asked.

"Yes," Madame Kathryn said.

Two girls were being promoted to senior company.

"And we'll have three moving up to junior company," Madame Kathryn said.

Meg and I were a bit curious. It seemed like they didn't mind talking about it around us.

"Meg, you know senior company is going to require more of a commitment," Madame Kathryn said.

Meg's eyes beamed. She nodded enthusiastically.

Miss Jana padded my bun.

"Don't think you're going to get off easy, Collin," Miss Jana said. "Junior company is no picnic."

I was completely shocked.

The three dancers being promoted to junior company were Lucy, Alli and myself.

"You know what this means?" Meg asked me.

"What?" I asked.

"Junior and senior company dancers have class on Saturday mornings together," she said.

"I'm sure Olga will have fun with the two of them in there together," Miss Jana said.

*****

"You know Amy, when I see them playing video games like this, I still see that boy I thought I had," Mom said, watching Jack and I play a video game in the living room.

"But then I see the ballet bun, the purple tank top and the shorts on over the tights, and I see Colleen," she told her sister. "I mourn for Collin and simpler times. I worry about the days ahead for Colleen."

Just then Meg came into the room.

"Can I play?" she asked.

"Sure," Jack and I said almost at the exact same time.

"The basketball player flanked by ballerinas," Aunt Amy said with a laugh, especially since Meg was dressed pretty much the same way, except her tank top was light blue and the tights were pink.

"I am amazed how Jack seems to be taking things," Mom said. "He and Collin were inseparable."

"Now Meg and Colleen are inseperable," Aunt Amy said. "Got to say, she and Jack have both seemed to have matured a little bit because of it. They get along much better than they used to."

"Don't know what I would do without Meg," Mom said. "She has really been a help in a tough time."

"She worries about Colleen," Aunt Amy said. "We talked half the night about it the other night. She's afraid Colleen won't be accepted. She wants to go the New England Ballet Theater's intensive after their two weeks at Mom's but doesn't want to leave Colleen behind."

"I know," Mom said. "We've been taking it slow, but this summer it's full steam ahead. It would be so much easier to put the brakes on the whole thing. Deep down, that's selfish me talking. But that's not what Colleen wants to do, even though I know she's a little scared, too."

"There was talk about the rumor about a transgendered child going to school in the fall," Aunt Amy said. "Heard it tonight at the studio."

"Can't imagine people at school would be quiet about it," Mom said. "And did I tell you Bert called?"

Bert was my uber-Christian uncle, married to my Aunt Alice.

"Completely shocked by what he said," Mom said. "He said he really didn't entirely agree with what we're doing, but said he and Alice had our backs. He heard about the girl in Ohio who committed suicide because of her religious parents. He said he, Alice and Maya would support Colleen as much as they can."

"Good ole Bert," Aunt Amy said. "He can be a complete ass sometimes, but deep down, he has a good heart."

*****

"Collin, what is my No. 1 rule not to break," Miss Jana asked.

"Do not pique on a bent leg," I said. "Sorry."

"That's okay," Miss Jana said. "Otherwise, you're dancing beautifully."

"Looks like the dance is coming along beautifully," Madame Kathryn said. "They look wonderful dancing together."

Meg and I were rehearsing parts of our school dance. Miss Jana picked out the song Hallelujah for us to dance to.

"There are some pieces to add," Miss Jana said. "I'm thinking about making it the last dance of the school show."

"Would be a good touch," Madame Kathryn said.

"Have you thought any about next year," Miss Jana asked.

"Yes, could really be a storm," She said. "But watch them dance. I have never had two students dance from the heart and soul like they do. God help us if we do anything BUT encourage them."

"Already have a title for the dance," Miss Jana said.

"What are you calling it?" Madame Kathryn asked.

"Two Swans," she said.

Pointe Shoes, Chapter 3

"You're up early," Mauve said as she walked to me on the pier over looking the Gulf.

"Just thinking," I whispered as I held my knees tight to my chest.

"About what, mi amiga?" she asked.

"About school next year," I answered. "I'm a little scared about it."

"Can't blame you," Mauve answered. "Thinking about backing out of it?"

I stood up and skipped a rock into the ocean. Backing out, yeah, there were times when I thought about that option.

I shared with Mauve what my therapist discussed with Mom and me. She talked about the bullying. She talked about the reaction from the community, and about whether I would battle depression with what was ahead.

"Heavy stuff, mi amiga" she said as she put her arm around me.

"Sorry to hit ya with it," I said in reply.

Mauve had always proven she had my back. I was lucky she and Lindsey came from an open-minded family.

"So do you want to go back to bein' a boy?" Mauve said. "Seems like the safe play to me."

I told her I thought Mom would be relieved if I did a turn around.

"But would you be cool with it?" Mauve asked. "Seems like you like being a girl better."

"You know me Mauve," I replied. "I can't fight the feelings, ya know?"

"Seems like to me you are a girl," Mauve said. "But girl, boy or mermaid, you're still my best friend."

I teared up. Gave her a hug.

"Can't be a mermaid," I said. "If I were a mermaid, I would be able to outswim you!"

"Not if I were a faster mermaid," she said before diving off the pier.

"Come on in slowpoke," she said as I pulled off my T-shirt and dove in after her.

"Hey, wait for us!" Meg shouted as she, Lindsey, Maya and Jack followed us into the ocean.

*****

The beach was a safe place.

We were just a big family having fun. Nobody knew us.

My hair was long. No one knew I was really a boy on the outside, just a skinny kid who happened not to hit puberty yet.

Not so with Mauve. She was a little bit rounder that I was.

If there was any reason not to pull back, that was it. Hormones, I was told, in my early age, would help me catch somewhat up.

And then there was another revelation at the beach.

There was a group of boys following us around. There was one in particular I was told was attracted to me.

Jack hung out with them. He was the informant.

"Gross," I said when he told us.

But later, I admitted to Meg that I thought he was cute.

"You wouldn't be the only girl ever attracted to a boy," Meg said with a laugh. "I think I was about your age when I started noticing them."

Our beach vacation was over way too soon. For me, the safe places were few and far between.

The beach, home, Aunt Amy's house and, of course, Gram's house.

*****

I can't say the ballet studio was a safe place, but it was more of my sanctuary.

My worries didn't quite go away. I wondered how my friends would treat me when my transition became "official."

But it was kind of hard thinking about it because our rehearsals after the break were really intense.

My parts weren't too difficult. I was a prince, but not THE prince. I was in a dance called the "Garland Waltz" with the rest of my ballet IV classmates. The dance was simple, but fun.

In the opening act I had just a few tours en lair and pirouettes, and one little partnering thing. And I had just a small thing to do in the finale.

The girls had much more difficult parts. I considered them the lucky ones.

Of course, pointe class was a challenge. But to my surprise, I wasn't the only one having trouble.

"You are my wobbly ones," Ms. Jana said. "But you're getting better."

And company class was fun. A challenge, but fun. The combinations were more difficult. But it was cool watching the senior dancers. They were beautiful, especially Meg,

To me, there was no better place in the world.

But I know, things might change once word got out.

"That class was intense," whispered my fellow junior company member Alli after we finished once of the company classes.

"It was," I whispered as we sat on the floor taking our shoes off.

She then stared at me for a moment.

"What?" I asked.

"It's you, isn't it?" Alli replied.