Ever since I was a little kid I've known I was... different from other boys. Known that deep down, I'm not what I appear to be on the surface. My name is Nick Thomas, and every day of my life, I wish I'd been born a girl.

As if my life wasn't difficult enough with this thought constantly going through my head, it's not helped by the fact that I'm also 14 years old and just starting my GCSEs. Every weekday I get up, pull on my trousers, shirt, tie and blazer and have to go into school to be confronted by girls wearing flimsy blouses, dark tights and every style of skirt under the sun. Not to mention make-up, long hair, even sometimes some nail polish.

I don't have many friends- most boys I know are just meatheads I can't open up to, and the girls all have their cliques that I obviously won't be able to get into, being a boy and all.

All this changed in September 2011, at the start of Year 10, when the new girl started at school.

"This is Sarah Phillips," Mr. Holmes, our form tutor, announced. "Her family's just moved here from Bristol, I want you all to make her very welcome." If I was a normal boy, I would find Sarah very attractive- her long, brown hair and cute dimples made her quite the looker. However, it was her knee-length pleated navy blue skirt, translucent black tights and tiny black ballerina pumps that immediately drew my attention.

Needless to say, the seat next to me was the only empty chair in the classroom, so much to the giggling of the other girls in the room, Sarah nervously parked herself next to me.

It was later on that day, during lunch, that I first plucked up the courage to talk to Sarah, who was sat on her own in the corner of the dinner hall.

"Hi," I said nervously, distracting Sarah's attention from her food. "Anyone sitting here?" Sarah shyly shook her head, so I tentatively sat down opposite her.

"I'm Nick," I said, taking tiny bites of my meal.

"Sarah," the brown-haired girl replied.

"Yeah," I stuttered, "I know." The second the words left my mouth, I grimaced- here I was, trying to be cool in front of the new girl and I came across like a goofy idiot.

"I mean-" I spluttered, trying to recover- "we didn't get to talk much in form. Which GCSEs are you taking?" Much to my relief, Sarah briefly smiled.

"Biology, chemistry, psychology," Sarah said. "I really want to be a doctor when I'm older." Inwardly, I beamed- she was opening up to me!

"I dunno what exactly I want to do when I'm older," I said truthfully.

"What GCSEs are you doing?" Sarah asked.

"Physics, music, German, computer science," I answered, audibly unhappy that none of my lessons coincided with Sarah's.

"I can kinda tell you don't know what you want to do, going by that list," Sarah joked, causing me to let out a goofy giggle. "We're in the same Maths and English classes, aren't we?"

"Yeah," I replied, leading to an awkward pause. "Do you- do you want to- want to maybe study together?" Sarah smiles a small smile, to my intense relief.

"I'd like that," she answered, prompting us both to grin widely.

Over the next two weeks we became closer as friends. We'd study together in the library after school and collaborate in both Maths and English homework. Then, three Saturdays after I first met her, Sarah came to my house for the very first time.

"Hi!" I near-yelled as I opened the door to the girl who had very quickly become my new best friend.

"Hi Nick!" Sarah said as she let herself into my home. I ushered her into the living room and parked myself on the sofa next to her as I took in the sight of her. Much to my disappointment- and slight relief- she was wearing jeans rather than a skirt, and a very plain t-shirt. However, my heart rate began to increase again when I saw that she had painted her fingernails a pale shade of pink.

We chat for a while about school- I warn her about which teachers to avoid and which girls are known to be trouble. Within half an hour, it was like we'd been friends our whole lives. It was then that she dropped the bombshell on me.

"Can I tell you a secret?" Sarah whispered, to which I hastily nodded. "I don't really want to be a doctor when I'm older. I'm just saying that as that's what my mum wants. She's the big-name shrink and expects me to go into medicine, so that's the path I'm being forced down."

"What is it you really want to do?" I asked, curious and excited by the revelation.

"I really want to work in fashion," Sarah explained with a smile. "Preferably as a designer, but even as a photographer or model would be cool. I sketch designs for clothes all the time when I'm bored, but we don't even own a sewing machine at home, so they just keep being sketches." Sarah then stared deep into my eyes with a firm, serious gaze. "Obviously, I'm trusting that you will NOT tell anyone about this. If my mum finds out... I don't even want to know what she'd say."

"I promise," I said, my voice quivering as I prepared for my revelation. "Can I tell you a secret?" Instantly, Sarah perked up.

"Sure!" She said with a smile. I took a deep, hesitant breath and leaned in close to her.

"Obviously," I began, "you can't tell anyone about this, especially not my parents." Sarah nodded, concern for me seeping into her eyes.

"I... Am a crossdresser," I said, almost hyperventilating from saying aloud what I've wanted to say for years upon years. "I like dressing up in girls' clothes." Sarah's jaw drops as she sits, stunned from my revelation. Well, this is it, I think to myself. It's going to get out at school, I'm going to be beaten up every day for the rest of my life...

"Oh. My. God," she said stoically, before emotion began to flood into her voice. "That is so COOL!" Almost immediately, all the negative emotions drained from my body, replaced by confusion.

"Really?" I asked.

"Of course!" Sarah exclaimed. "How long have you been dressing up for?" Immediately from looking into Sarah's eyes, I could tell I could trust her implicitly.

"A few years," I explained, a wide grin creeping onto my face at finally having someone with whom I can share my secret. "Just my mum's clothes, never any underwear or anything I think I wouldn't be able to get away with. I always wished that just for one day, I could go into school as a girl."

"Would you like to?" Sarah asked, to which I simply laugh.

"If only it was that easy," I snorted.

"Well," Sarah said with a knowing smirk on her face, "it may not be easy to go into school dressed as a girl, but you DO know a girl who owns a school uniform that she'd be willing to lend you, if just for a day..."

No words came out of my mouth for at least 30 seconds. Not only was my new friend supportive of my 'hobby', but she was willing to help me and even lend me some of her clothes to wear!

We spent the rest of the day planning how I would be turned into a schoolgirl. Sarah was understandably reluctant to lend me any of her underwear- including tights- but she said that if I gave her some money she'd go shopping for some additional underwear I could store at her house whenever I wanted to 'dress up'.

All this bring us to today, 22nd October, mere weeks after I first met Sarah. Today's the day she's going to help me realise my dream- she's going to help me finally be a girl, in my own little clique.

I knock on Sarah's front door with a massive sense of anxiety and excitement pulsing through my body. She answers the door with a wide, beaming smile and ushers me upstairs to her room. I've never been in a girl's room before but it's basically what I was expecting- posters of boy bands on the wall, books and fashion magazines cluttering her shelves, and a large dressing table with a mirror opposite her bed.

"My mum won't be back until late evening," Sarah explains, "so we've got the house to ourselves!"

"Cool!" I say a little too loudly, as Sarah pulls two large shopping bags out from underneath her bed.

"Are you ready?" Sarah asks with a smile as I nod nervously. Smiling, she empties out the shopping bags onto her bed and sorts through all the items.

"I couldn't get too many of each item, but for £25 I think I've got as much as you'll need." She takes out two packets and shows me them. "I've got you five pairs of ordinary briefs, just lycra and cotton, and 3 cotton thongs. I haven't got any thongs myself yet so you'll have to save these for special occasions, unless you want to wash them at home yourself, of course!" I grin as I open the packet of flimsy, thin-backed panties and hold one up against my stirring crotch. "I wasn't going to get any thongs but I had some money spare and figured you'd like it!"

"I do, this is so cool!" I enthuse as Sarah holds up two white cotton bras.

"These are the same size as my bras, so it'll be easy to hide them in my drawer without arousing any suspicion," Sarah explains. "They're also adjustable in case your chest is a little bigger than mine." Sarah then pulls out a few packets of tights.

"I got two pairs of clear tights and three pairs of black tights," Sarah says. "Obviously you can't shave your legs so we'll stick with the black tights for now. These won't last long so we'll need to buy more eventually." I nod enthusiastically, wanting to get to the actual dressing itself.

"Last, but not least, is this!" Sarah pulls a long, brown wig out of her bag. "I matched it as close to your hair colour as possible. Go on, let me see how it looks!" Giggling girlishly myself, I slip the wig over my head, whilst Sarah brushes it smooth with her hair brush.

"I always wished I had a little sister," Sarah teases as I allow her to play with the wig. "Want me to give you some privacy so you can get ready?"

"Please," I quiver, trying to regain my composure and get my excited groin under control!

"You gonna go with briefs or thong?" Sarah asks jokingly. "It is a special occasion, after all..."

"Wow, I don't know..." I breathe as I admire my new hair in Sarah's mirror. "Maybe next time..."

"Okay," Sarah says with a smile. "It's your afternoon. Put your panties on then I'll show you how to do your bra." Sarah skips off into her en-suite as I strip completely naked and take a few deep breaths to keep my excited groin under control. Once I'm happy I'm under control, I step into the plain white panties and ease them up my legs, happy that they're tight enough to keep me under 'control'.

"Ready!" I yell, calling Sarah back into her bedroom. I playfully cover up my bare chest with my hands, making my new best friend giggle.

"Raise your arms, it's nothing I've never seen before," Sarah chuckles as I comply, prompting Sarah to slip a bra over my arms and fasten it behind my chest.

"This fits you really well," Sarah says as she hands me some old socks to pack into the bra cups. "That's good, the rest of my stuff should fit you well too!" I playfully cup my new 'breasts' as Sarah pulls off her socks and jeans and takes a pair of tights out of her drawer.

"I'm sure you've worn tights before, but this is how you're supposed to put them on," Sarah explains as she rolls the clear garment up and sticks one pointed toe into one of the legs before stretching it up to her knee and repeating on the other leg. I mirror her actions with a new pair of my black tights before mirroring her in stretching them up across my waist until they're snug against my crotch. Sarah pulls her jeans back on and motions for me to sit back down in front of her mirror, which I obediently do, tying my new 'hair' back into a tight ponytail.

"I'll do your make-up for today," she explains, "but I'll show you how to do your own in the future!" My heart begins to race as Sarah rubs foundation into her hands and smears it all over my smooth face, before brushing some powder over me (making sure to keep it away from 'my' hair). Sarah then moves onto my eyes, carefully outlining them with her pencil and filling my eyelashes with mascara before brushing a silver colour onto my eyelids. Lastly comes the lipstick- a thick red colour that causes my heart to beat even faster at the sight of the gorgeous teenaged girl staring back at me from the mirror!

"We won't bother with any nail polish this time," Sarah says, much to my disappointment. "I'm not wearing any, it's school next week and the smell of the remover would be a dead giveaway." Disappointedly, I nod my head as Sarah sits down and makes her own face up the exact same way as mine, making sure I pay attention as she does so. Once she is made-up- and looking stunning, she strolls over to her wardrobe and hands me a plain white blouse and a straight navy blue school skirt.

"You said you wished you were a schoolgirl," Sarah says with a beaming grin, "now you can be one!" I nod happily and start with the shirt, wanting to save the skirt for last. I struggle a little with the buttons but Sarah is on hand to help out, even cheekily grabbing a feel of my 'breasts' as she does! Last, but not least, is the skirt. It feels so good as I slide it up my legs, getting tighter the higher up it gets until the hem stops just a few inches above my knee. Sarah zips the skirt up at the back as I tuck the blouse into it and present myself to her, putting my hands on my hips to prevent them from shaking with excitement!

"Wow," Sarah enthuses, clapping her hands. "You look soooo good!" I giggle as Sarah holds out a pair of her ballerina flats for me to put on my feet. I take the time to walk around her room a little, loving the feeling of the skirt pulling on my legs with every stride.

"All you need now is a name! I mean, we can't call you 'Nick' now, can we?" Sarah asks as I sit down confidently on her bed, untie my hair and cross my legs.

"Call me 'Nikki'," I explain as Sarah grins and sits down next to me. "N-I-K-K-I."

"N-I-K-K-I it is!" Sarah says, giving me a quick hug. "God, this is the best school move ever! I've got a new male friend AND a new female friend all rolled into one!"

"You've moved around a lot?" I ask, subconsciously brushing a stray hair out of my face.

"A bit," Sarah explains. "My mum's this fancy, expensive psychiatrist. You'll love this- she specialises in 'gender dysphoria' of all things."

"What's that?" I ask, intrigued by what I think it means.

"People who were born the wrong gender," Sarah explains. "Transsexuals. Maybe you have a case of 'gender dysphoria', who knows? Anyway, I've been at four different schools in the last five years. Mum's promised that we won't move again for a while- not until I've finished my GCSEs, anyway- and she's always wanted to work in London so who knows? Maybe this is where we're going to stay."

"I see," I say, half-listening to Sarah's story but really more interested in this 'gender dysphoria' she mentioned.

"Anyways," Sarah says with a smile, "you haven't told me about yourself! I want to know all about Nick- and all about Nikki!"

"Nick," I say with mock contempt, "is a boring only child, the son of a taxi driver and a shop worker. He likes watching TV and pretending to be his twin sister Nikki, who is much more interesting, funnier and cleverer than he is. Her likes consist of being a gorgeous, girly girl."

"Well then," Sarah says with a wide grin, "I'm glad it's 'Nikki' and not 'Nick' who's sat on my bed right now!" I smile and uncross my legs, frowning at the feeling of my tights sagging around my thighs.

"'Nikki' also wishes that tights lived up to their name," I say, getting a tingle of excitement as I pull the thin garment up my legs, the same way I've seen girls do hundreds of times. Sarah smiles wickedly as she grabs at the bottom of my tights.

"Some girls actually prefer them a little looser," she says as she starts to pull down the leg I had just straightened.

"THIS girl doesn't," I say, pulling the tights back up. My attempts to straighten my clothing quickly turn into a tug of war until a particularly forceful pull from me inadvertently pulls Sarah off-balance, causing her to fall into me, her arm wrapped around her waist and her face mere inches from mine. For a second, I stare in horror at her expressionless face, worried that I'd just hurt my new best friend, the only person who knows my secret, before Sarah does something that shocks me.

Sarah kisses me.

It's just a brief, quick kiss, her closed lips against my closed lips, but it's enough to cause my heart to beat twice as fast, and cause an uncomfortable stirring in my panties. Sarah starts to blush- as do I- at what just happened.

"Umm," she stammers, her voice cracking as she catches her breath. "Umm, that was- that was- umm, you do like, you know, girls, right?" I smile as Sarah's facade starts to crack and I begin to see the real girl- and I like what I see.

"Do YOU like girls?" I ask with a big smile on my made-up face. Sarah nods hastily, widening my smile as this time, I lean in for a kiss, a kiss she happily accepts and reciprocates.

"So, umm," I stammer, "do you, umm, want to be my girlfriend?" Sarah smiles and stares at me, fanning herself a little with her fingers.

"Do you want to be MY girlfriend?" She asks.

"More than anything," I reply. "Just... I doubt we'd get away with being 'girlfriend and girlfriend' in public."

"Well how about in public," Sarah says, "we can be boyfriend and girlfriend, and when we're alone, boring old Nick can take a backseat to gorgeous, girly Nikki?"

"That sounds awesome," I say, finally fully straightening my tights. "Well, apart from the 'boring old Nick' part."

"Awesome!" Sarah says, leaning in and giving me a quick hug. "So I've got a new male friend, female friend, boyfriend AND girlfriend, and they're all the same person! You're, like, the perfect friend!" I smile as I return the hug, giggling a little as Sarah plays with my bra straps.

I stay as Nikki for the rest of the afternoon, changing out of Sarah's uniform after a while in favour of one of her t-shirts and her knee-length denim skirt. After a while, though, I'm forced to change back into my boring boy clothes and remove all my make-up before Sarah's mother returns. I contemplate keeping my panties on underneath my boy clothes, but Sarah needs to put them in her washing, so I reluctantly strip them off. Eventually, all traces of Nikki are gone and I'm back to being boring old Nick again. As Sarah sees me off at the door, though, she surprises me with another quick kiss.

"I'll see you on Monday okay, Nikki?" She says with a beautiful sparkle in her eyes. I grin and happily nod my head.

"See you then," I reply. Suddenly I'm not too disappointed about having to go back to being 'boring old Nick' again- not when next Saturday- and my next 'Nikki day' is just 6 days away, and especially not when I'll have Sarah to help me through those days!

After a Sunday spent mostly messaging Sarah on Facebook, I head back to school on Monday, and for the first time in a very long time, I go to school with an eager smile on my face. A smile that just widened when I see Sarah, and what she's wearing.

"Look familiar?" She says quietly to me during form. I simply nod in reply.

"You don't know how jealous I am right now," I whisper with a wink. There, wrapped around my new girlfriend's body, are the same blouse and skirt I had worn on Saturday. Next Saturday can't come soon enough!

I swing my hips to the beat of the music playing from Sarah's music centre, following my girlfriend's lead, the two of us giggling at our private little 'party'.

We've both dressed up for the party, of course- I'm wearing one of Sarah's party dresses, a soft, swishy garment with a purple pattern on it, and which has a knee-length pleated skirt that flares up every time I turn my body. On my feet are a pair of Sarah's ballerina flats in matching purple (Sarah won't let me wear her only pair of heels as I'm a shoe size larger than she is- and they don't match the dress!), and underneath I'm wearing one of 'my' bras (padded out, of course), a pair of soft cotton panties and a pair of black tights. Of course, I have my wig on, my face is fully-made up, and to add to the excitement further, I'm wearing one of Sarah's necklaces and my fingernails have been painted a very pale red colour! Sarah assures me that the polish will come right off at the end of the day with some remover, and of course, I believe her, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous at the prospect of having to go home with my nails done up like this!

Sarah's dressed similarly to me, only her dress is shorter and red, and her tights are nude instead of opaque black. Of course, she's wearing make-up and nail polish just as I am!

Once the music has ended, we sit back down on Sarah's bed and share a quick, yet tender kiss, before Sarah grabs my hand and keeps hold of it.

"Do you- do you enjoy these days as much as I do?" I ask whilst straightening my tights.

"Of COURSE I do," Sarah exclaims. "Hanging out with my gorgeous, girly girlfriend? What's not to enjoy?" My body tingles with excitement as Sarah describes me as 'gorgeous and girly'. At school it's not a secret that we're an item- complete with all the good-natured teasing this gets me- but if they knew our REAL secret...

"Didn't you say you had a surprise for me?" I ask, prompting Sarah to squeeze my hand tighter.

"I do," she says with a beautiful sparkle in her eyes. "This is another secret that you must NOT tell anyone, especially my mum, okay?"

"Of course," I say with a nod. Smiling, Sarah lets go of my hand and stands up, turning her back to me. To my surprise, she then lifts the back of her dress and shows me what at first appears to be her bare buttocks, but what I later see have a thin strap of fabric disappearing between them.

"Oh my god," I exclaim as Sarah drops her dress to regain her modesty, "are you wearing a thong? Hang on, are you wearing one of MY thongs?"

"No, this one's all mine," Sarah answers.

"Is it comfortable?" I blurt out, making Sarah chuckle.

"You know it actually is," she answers. "I didn't think it would be at first but after a while you barely even notice it's there." Sarah pauses for a second as her eyes light up further. "Want to try on one of yours?"

"Oh my god, definitely!" I squeak with excitement as Sarah heads into her panty drawer and pulls out the flimsy pink underwear. I inspect it briefly before ordering Sarah into her en-suite. With my whole body tingling with excitement, I lift the front of my dress and carefully strip off my tights, laying them on the bed, before removing my briefs, tossing them into Sarah's laundry basket. Taking a deep breath to calm my excitement, I step into the pink thong and slowly ease it up my legs. My eyes go wide as the thin rear strap firmly wedges itself between my buttocks, but once the initial shock has passed, the thong suddenly feels so... right. After pulling my tights and shoes back on, I call Sarah back into the room.

"Soo..." Sarah says cheekily, "I showed you mine..." Blushing a little, I turn around, lifting my dress and lowering the seat of my tights. Sarah lets out a slight gasp at the sight of my thong disappearing between my buttocks before I pull my tights back up.

"Aww," Sarah says, "now we're thong buddies as well as girlfriend and girlfriend!"

"And you're right," I say, squeezing Sarah's hand, "it IS comfortable." We both giggle as we while away the rest of the afternoon, listening to music, reading Sarah's illicit fashion magazines, kissing, holding hands and comparing our underwear. Eventually, though, the time comes for 'Nikki' to bow out. As promised, the nail polish remover takes care of the colour on my fingernails and my face is quickly stripped of all its make-up. I slowly strip myself off, but before the time comes to remove my thong, I hesitate. With a wicked grin on my face, and Sarah in her en-suite waiting for me to finish changing, I slip my boxer shorts on over my thong and finish putting Nick's clothes back on.

"Ready," I call Sarah, who re-enters her bedroom and immediately makes a beeline for her washing basket.

"I see a bra in here, a pair of briefs and a pair of black tights..." Sarah says with suspicion oozing from her voice. "I DON'T see any pink thongs in here..." I blush slightly and grin at Sarah's piercing gaze.

"I knew I forgot something," I say cheekily. Sarah merely giggles and gives me a quick hug and a kiss.

"You know you'll have to hide it until you can get it back to me to wash it, right?" Sarah asks.

"It's a small price to pay," I say with a smirk.

"...AND you know it's my birthday at the end of the month, right?" Sarah asks further.

"I haven't forgotten," I reply. "AND I haven't forgotten that you want me to do something special for you. I'm assuming you want something more special than 'schoolboy hides the fact that he's wearing a thong from his family'?"

"You assume right," Sarah states. "Make is special enough and even though it's MY birthday, I may just do something special for you!" I grin and Sarah another quick kiss before heading downstairs, where we say our farewells.

"You're in a good mood," mum says suspiciously as I walk through our back door. "Sarah well?"

"She's fine," I say, deliberately talking in a voice lower than my normal one. With every piece of girl's clothing I wear, my voice naturally creeps higher and higher, and with my thong still snugly in place, my natural instinct would be to talk in a falsetto- which would get me in a LOT of trouble very quickly!

"I trust you are still doing nothing illegal?" Mum asks, prompting me to roll my eyes.

"No, mum," I sigh as I head upstairs to my room. Sarah was very clear when we started seeing each other that she didn't want sex until we were both sixteen- and even though that's over a year away for her and almost 18 months for me, I've agreed to abide by her choice. Of course my parents, being the panic-ridden people they are, assumed I'd immediately jump into bed with Sarah and get her pregnant the first opportunity I had.

Once I'm in my room and I'm happy the door is securely shut, I strip off my clothes and inspect the flimsy, yet tight pink thong wrapped around my crotch. It looks so intensely feminine, just like a model in a catalogue or an online underwear shop. It doesn't take long for me to get onto my computer and send a Facebook message to Sarah asking her to buy me some more!

I keep my thong on for the rest of the day and hide it in a small plastic bag to take to school on Monday to give back to Sarah. Sure enough, I see Sarah on Monday and she's happy to see me, but there's a subdued look on her face.

"Hey, Nikki," Sarah whispers to me.

"What's up?" I whisper back, stealthily handing my girlfriend the small bag.

"My mum... found my thong," Sarah explains. "She wasn't happy, but it's more that I lied to her than anything. So I've been grounded for a week, had my internet privileges revoked as well."

"Oh," I say, disappointed that Sarah's punishment means I won't be able to see her at the weekend- and that my 'Nikki day' is cancelled as well. "That sucks."

"Still, the good news is that she's okay with me occasionally wearing thongs, so I can get you some more, just like you asked," Sarah says with a smile. "In fact, given that I don't have PE or gymnastics training today, I'm wearing one right now..."

"Really?" I ask with a grin. "At school?" I glance down at her skirt and tights-covered legs to try to check, but of course there's no trace of the discreet underwear.

"Why not?" Sarah snorts. "It's not like they perform underwear checks, after all." This time, it's my turn to grin wickedly.

"I might have to do that myself at some point," I say with a wide grin, causing Sarah to giggle and grab my hand as we head into form...

The rest of the week drags as I know I'll have to go a whole weekend without seeing Sarah, but I put the time to good use- I've had an idea for what to get Sarah for her birthday, and my unexpectedly free Saturday is the ideal time to go and get it!

There are three more weeks at school- and three 'Nikki days', during which Sarah's tartan wrap-around miniskirt and turtleneck sweater quickly become my favourite outfit- before Sarah's birthday on the 27th, which fortunately falls on a Sunday so I get to spend virtually the entire weekend with her!

I knock on the door, my body tingling with nerves at the sight of all the expensive cars- no doubt belonging to Sarah's extended family- in her driveway. My heart almost skips a beat when Sarah's mother answers the door and coolly ushers me into the living room. Fortunately, Sarah herself is quick to jump out of her seat and greet me with a hug, taking the envelope and carefully gift-wrapped package from my hands. Sarah's mother quickly ushers me into a seat that I couldn't help but note was some distance away from my now 15-year old girlfriend.

Sarah is, of course, grateful for my gifts- my parents aren't rich and my paper round doesn't pay much- and I turn over a lot of my money to Sarah anyway to buy me clothes- but I was able to save enough to get her a pair of earrings, a voucher for a local clothing shop and- because I'm told it's traditional- a mix-tape. Well, mix-CD, anyway. Sarah's eyes light up, though, when she sees the message I've written in extra-small handwriting at the bottom of her card.

You asked me for a surprise, and I have one additional surprise for you. I smile and resist the urge to wink- Sarah still being a year under the age of consent, after all- but I can tell from her expression she's eager to get rid of her family so I can show her my 'surprise'.

The party- if you can call it that- passes ridiculously formally for what is supposed to be a teenaged girl's birthday. Having only been at school for two months Sarah's not really made any friends besides me so it's just her family attending, all high-flying doctors and lawyers. They try to be very polite but I can tell none of them approve of Sarah going out with someone from a working-class background. Inwardly I snigger at this disapproval- if only they knew the 'real' me...

Fortunately, just after 5pm, the family all up and leave, leaving me alone with Sarah and her mother, who is oddly sympathetic to what Sarah and I had just had to sit through.

"I am terribly sorry about that, Nick," Sarah's mother says as I change seats and sit next to my girlfriend. "My family can be awful snobs at times, but I'm sure they see that you're a good boy with a good heart."

"Thanks, Doctor Phillips," I reply.

"Oh please," Sarah's mum says with a warm smile, "call me Beverly.’ Doctor Phillips' is what my parents are called."

"Okay... Beverly?" I say hesitantly. To my relief, 'Beverly' smiles and leaves me alone with Sarah, who eagerly leans over and gives me a quick hug and a kiss.

"Godddddddd," she moans in my ear, "one of these years my family might actually let me be a teenager."

"I thought they were nice," I say, trying to be diplomatic.

"They were POLITE," Sarah sighs. "There's a difference, believe me. Anyway, your card said you have an 'additional surprise'? One I'm guessing you can't show me in public?" I nod, barely suppressing a giggle. "Just so we're clear, if it's a piercing you can't show in public, I'm breaking up with you." This breaks my resistance and I giggle girlishly, desperately trying to keep quiet to keep Sarah's mother from hearing. Unfortunately, my giggling sets Sarah off and we both quickly head up to her room before we give the game away any further.

"Okay, we're alone now," Sarah says.

"Normally I'd be dying to get into a pair of panties," I sigh wistfully, "doubt we've got time for that today. What we do have time for..." I sit down on the edge of Sarah's bed and quickly strip off my shoes and socks, making Sarah gasp and squee at the sight of my feet. There, at the end of each of my ten toes, is a toenail that's been painted a bright red colour.

"Oh my god," Sarah excitedly exclaims. "You weren't kidding when you said 'special'! Sarah grabs me in a tight hug and gives me a quick kiss as I wiggle my toes, much to her delight. "This has been the best birthday EVER."

"I'm, um, kinda gonna need you to go over them with nail polish remover," I say sadly. "I did them this morning but I can't really go home and show them to my parents, much as I wish I could."

"Okay," Sarah says, giving me another kiss before getting a bottle of nail polish remover and going over my toes. "You know, you've done so much for me today, I kinda feel I should give you something in return."

"You, um, do know that's not how birthdays work, right?" I say with a chuckle, earning a playful shove from Sarah.

"I know," Sarah says with a slightly offended voice. "But your birthday isn't until March and I want to do something for you NOW. Well... Not 'now', we don't really have the time. But when you come over next week, I'll have a surprise just for you!" I grin as Sarah finishes her work and I put my shoes and socks back on, wishing that instead of my boring cotton & polyester socks, I was wearing a pair of tights similar to the black pair Sarah had around her legs.

That night my sleep is fitful, restless. In my dreams I'm often in situations where I'm either required to wear girls' clothes or am already wearing them, but since meeting Sarah my dreams have become much more distinct, and my dream tonight will stay with me for a very, very long time.

I'm walking down the aisle at my wedding day, wearing a groom's suit, but as I reach the altar, it gradually transforms, piece by piece, into a pure white wedding dress. There, waiting for me at the altar, is Sarah, wearing a dress identical to my own. As the priest announces 'you may kiss the bride', Sarah and I lean into each other and kiss, a soft, gentle kiss, but one that seems to last an eternity.

I wake up in a cold sweat, my mind racing at a million miles a second and my body completely out of control. I'm able to get myself under control before heading downstairs, but I skip breakfast under the pretense of not feeling well (though obviously my parents aren't keeping me off from school)- if I eat anything with the way I'm feeling now, I'll probably throw it straight back up again.

Fortunately, school passes without much incident, other than my insides melting at the sight of Sarah smiling at me. Even though I've worn her uniform on several occasions, the sight of her in it gets better with every passing day.

Eventually Saturday rolls around and I find myself, as always, at Sarah's front door. When she answers the door, I'm almost disappointed to see that she's wearing my 'favourite outfit'- the same wraparound tartan skirt and purple sweater I wore last Saturday, on top of shiny black tights and warm-looking Ugg boots she'd received for her birthday. My heart rate increases, though, when I see her nails are painted a familiar pale red colour, signifying that I'll have colour on my fingernails before the end of the day.

Once we're in Sarah's room, she sits me on the edge of her bed and heads into her closet. However, when she emerges, she's empty-handed.

"In the past I've always picked out your outfits," Sarah explains. "However, because what you did for me last week was SO amazing- I mean, if you think about it- you went out in public wearing nail polish! So today I'm going to let you wear any item of clothing of your choice. Nothing is forbidden." I grin widely at the news- and there's only one piece of Sarah's clothing I want to choose.

"Didn't you tell me a while ago that you were on the school's gymnastics team?" I ask Sarah, who rolls her eyes and smiles, obviously knowing where the conversation is leading.

"Yes..." Sarah mock-sighs.

"And does that not mean that you would frequently wear-" I begin, before Sarah reaches into her bedside drawers.

"One of these?" Sarah interrupts, holding up a shiny, long-sleeved leotard. "Yes, yes I do. In fact," Sarah reaches back into her drawers and rummages for a second. "I have several!" Sarah holds out four different long-sleeved leotards that I gently run my fingers over, admiring the smoothness and stretchiness of the Lycra material.

"You're not wearing these without underwear, though," Sarah cautions. "And that includes a bra. AND clear tights. And, of course, make-up and nail polish!" I giggle as Sarah tosses me one of my bras and a clean pink thong.

"Do I have to wear a thong?" I ask, curious as to why she automatically went for this 'special' underwear.

"Normal panties are visible underneath the leotard," Sarah explains. "Especially as you're a little taller than I am." I giggle and motion to Sarah to hide in her en-suite as I strip off my ugly boy clothes and pull the thong on, giggling as it tightens around my hips and between my buttocks. I pull on the bra, clipping it behind my back with ease before filling the cups with Sarah's old socks and calling her back into the room. Sarah guides me into the chair in front of her dressing table where I happily sit and allow her to cover my face in her most feminine-looking make-up. Sarah, of course, then applies make-up to herself, before attaching my wig and painting my fingernails a bright pink colour.

Once my nails have dried and I've donned the clear tights Sarah handed me, I pick out the leotard I want to wear. It's bright purple, with shiny silver detailing all down the front, and has a pinch at the front that looks like it'll show off more chest than any of the other gymnastic garments.

"Good choice," Sarah says, giggling almost uncontrollably. "Of course, you'll have to wear the matching scrunchie as well!" Giggling nervously myself, I turn my back on my girlfriend, who lets out a long wolf whistle.

"Nice butt," Sarah teases, giving me a playful pinch on my right buttock that causes me to jump a little. Still giggling, Sarah ties my 'hair' back into a tight ponytail high atop my head, secured with a voluminous purple scrunchie. She then picks up the leotard I chose for the day and scrunches it up until it resembles a pair of panties, which I eagerly step into.

"Now stretch it over your body," Sarah instructs, and I obey, giggling a little as I pull the stretch fabric over my 'breasts'.

"Next, right arm in right sleeve," Sarah orders as I fold my arm back and push it through the sleeve, shaking with excitement as it stretches the fabric out further. I then jump ahead and put the left sleeve on before Sarah smooths out the creases in the leotard so that it sits smoothly and snugly over my whole body.

"And now," Sarah announces ceremoniously as she spins me around to face her full-length mirror, "you are officially wearing a girl's gymnastics leotard!" I'm glad for the extra tightness of the fabric 'controlling' me, as my heart is racing with excitement at the sight of the teenaged girl in the mirror, posing in her leotard with her pink-fingernailed hands on her hips.

"This is- this is- unbelievable," I whisper, leaning toward Sarah and giving her a gentle kiss. "But... Don't gymnasts usually have a team?" Sarah rolls her eyes and grins at me.

"'Team' it is," she says, casually stripping off her sweater and skirt. I turn my back to give her some privacy, but she grabs my shoulders and spins me back around so that I'm facing her.

"Stop being so shy," Sarah reprimands. "I'm used to other girls seeing me change for PE, for gymnastics, this is no different!" I grin, but much to my surprise, it's more at Sarah calling me 'another girl' than at the sight of Sarah stripping down to her bra and thong and pulling on her own leotard. Once she was clad in her uniform, she walked over to me, wrapped her arms around my neck and looked deep into my eyes.

"You've never done ANY gymnastics before, have you?" Sarah asks. Smiling shyly, I simply shake my head. "Good. That means I can teach you!" Grinning widely, Sarah clears a space in the middle of her floor, and for the next two hours she demonstrates various moves and techniques and tries bending my body to match the incredible shapes she was making. Eventually, when we're both sore and tired from our exertions, Sarah calls a halt to the 'lesson' and insists I strip off the leotard, which I reluctantly do, but am exhilarated when she hands me the same skirt and sweater she'd been wearing earlier, which I obviously quickly put on. Sarah, for her part, simply throws a short pleated skirt on over her leotard.

"The leotard was a good choice," Sarah compliments. "Kinda wish now that I'd not quit ballet when I was twelve, you'd make such a cute ballerina!" I smirk at the prospect of wearing what would be one of Sarah's tutus.

"You could always tell your mum you want to start again," I tease, prompting a playful shove from Sarah.

"Tell you what," Sarah says with a wicked look in her eyes, "you come with me to ballet and you've got a deal!"

"I... doubt my dad would approve," I say sadly. "Even if I did the lessons as a boy, rather than what you were obviously suggesting." Sarah smiles at me, but her eyes suddenly become very serious.

"If you could take a pill tomorrow that turned you into a full, 100% girl, would you take it?" Sarah asks. I pause for a second- the question took me by complete surprise.

"Yes," I say, slightly hesitantly. "As long as it also meant that we could still be girlfriend and girlfriend." Sarah beams a wide grin and gives me a tight hug.

"Right answer," she whispers in my ear. But it was at that point that I first began to think: it's not as simple as taking a pill, but people do change their gender. Several people all around the world do so each day. If I wanted to be a girl full-time, I could be. And I wanted to be. But therein lied the problem: Sarah obviously accepted me as Nikki, but would my parents? Would the rest of the world? And more importantly, deep down inside, would I?

"Come onnnnnnn..." Sarah pleads with me, grabbing my free hand and trying to distract me from the task at hand.

"Nope," I say with a smile as I look at the increasingly-beautiful girl in the mirror in front of me. Smiling, I dip Sarah's mascara brush back into its tube and apply more of the wonderful make-up to my eyelashes, increasing their volume with every single stroke.

"It's my make-up, I get to apply it on you!" Sarah orders, pouting in my direction. "Come onnnnnnn, I haven't put make-up on you in weeks!"

"What type of girl doesn't know how to do her own make-up?" I ask as I finish with Sarah's mascara and start applying pale lilac eye shadow to my eyelids.

"Actresses," Sarah retorts. "Glamorous models all have their make-up done for them."

"Well, I'm not an actress," I retort smugly as I finish with the eye shadow and rummage in Sarah's dresser for the tube of lipstick she (secretly, of course) bought me for my birthday last month. "And I'm HARDLY a model."

"No, but you are oh, so glamorous," Sarah softly purrs. "Looking for something?" I turn and face my girlfriend, who is twirling in her fingers the thick black tube I had been searching for.

"Give me back my lipstick," I command, reaching toward Sarah, who simply skips away, giggling as she pops the top off the lipstick and exposes the wet, red tube inside. "You wouldn't dare..."

"You're wearing my make-up, it's only fair I wear some of yours," Sarah says with a giggle as she liberally applies the lipstick to her already made-up mouth. "You can have it back now, if you want."

"Thanks," I say, taking the lipstick from Sarah, "but it's the stuff on your lips that I really want."

"Well it's on my lips now," Sarah retorts. "How do you intend to take it back?" I grin from ear to ear as I lean in toward Sarah and surprise her with a long, lingering kiss, allowing her- or should I say, my- lipstick to transfer from her lips onto mine. Sarah is shocked at first, but quickly submits to the kiss, even playing with my bra strap on my otherwise bare back.

"Ooh, you sneaky cow," Sarah snipes as she picks up a tube of her own lipstick and repairs the 'damage' caused by the kiss. I follow suit with mine, trying not to laugh and inadvertently get lipstick all over my teeth!

"Girl love forever," I giggle, holding out my hand to Sarah, who reciprocates, pressing the back of her thumb and the bed of her index finger against mine so they make a heart shape. This has been our 'secret handshake' for a while now- it's innocuous enough that we can get away with doing it whilst at school, but still intimate enough that it reminds us of just how much we love each other.

"Girl love forever!" Sarah states as she pulls out the outfit she's selected for me today. Following my encounter with her gymnastics leotard in December Sarah's decided that she loves wearing leotard-like garments (and therefore, so do I), so the first article on her bed is a stretchy white bodysuit. It has a snap crotch, so I pull it over my head before fastening it together over my black tights. Sarah then hands me a grey pinafore dress that I eagerly pull over my head, before pulling on Sarah's new black ankle boots. The boots by themselves would be good enough, but the chunky 2.5" heel on them makes them all the better!

"This is a look I saw Charlotte Hutchinson wear once," Sarah explains as she brushes my hair out. Well okay, she brushes my wig out- I've been growing my hair longer since September but it's still a few months away from anything that would look passably feminine.

"I can't believe you're still obsessed with that girl," I chastise Sarah as I pick up a magazine with the aforementioned supermodel on the front cover. "Or why the media insist on ramming her down everyone's throats."

"I guess it's because she's succeeded despite her family falling apart," Sarah explains. "She's talented and beautiful but hasn't let the fame go to her head."

"Yet," I snipe. "Is she more beautiful than me, though?" I pout expectantly at Sarah, who barely restrains a giggle as I look expectantly into her eyes.

"Well..." Sarah says, prompting me to widen my eyes and lips to their maximum extent in the neediest pout I have ever managed. My pout quickly changes to a smile as Sarah's resistance cracks and she wraps her arms around my neck.

"No, you're still the most beautiful girl I know," Sarah says, giving me a quick kiss. "Charlotte will just have to settle for most beautiful girl without a Y chromosome!"

"I still can't believe you haven't told your mother yet about not wanting to be a doctor," I say at Sarah's mention of biology. "I mean, you have two whole folders full of clothes you've designed, ask her for a sewing machine and start making them! You know I'll happily model them for you..." Sarah groans and holds onto me tighter.

"If only it were that easy," Sarah complains. "You've met my family, you know that if you don't have loads of letters after your name, you're nothing in their eyes. The only reason they let us get away with it is because we're only fifteen. Anyway, let's stop talking about this and let me paint your nails!" I giggle as I splay out my fingers for Sarah, who quickly coats each nail in a dusky pink colour.

I stay dressed and made-up for the rest of the afternoon until the time comes to put 'Nikki' away for yet another week. Once my make-up and nail polish is removed and I'm back in my boy clothes, Sarah leads me downstairs to bid me farewell, but before I can leave the house I'm intercepted by Sarah's mother.

"Nick," Beverly says seriously, but not sternly, "I'd like to speak to you before you go. You too, Sarah." Nervously- like any teenager who thinks they've been caught doing something they shouldn't have, Sarah and I sit down on the sofa as her mother addresses us.

"A while ago you told me that you haven't been having sex," Beverly begins, easing my nerves slightly- we still haven't had sex (neither of us are sixteen yet), so we won't be lying to her if we say we haven't. "I believe you when you say that you both want to wait until you're both sixteen. However, I have noticed that you spend virtually all your time when you're here in Sarah's bedroom. You say you're watching DVDs, and I believe you when you say that, but I also believe that's not all you're doing." Beverly inhales deeply through her nose before continuing. "Recently I've been noticing a lot of clothes in Sarah's laundry that I don't recall buying for her. Obviously she's fifteen now and can buy whatever she wants with her money, but the amount she has seems larger than it should be. I've also noticed that she's going through cosmetics at a much faster rate than she should be as well. As you probably know, I am a counselor who specialises in helping people with gender dysphoria- or transsexuals, to use the common term for it- and I'm going to ask you a question now that I don't want you to be offended by, but I just want you to give an honest yes or no answer to. I promise I won't get angry, no matter what answer you give. Nick, have you been wearing my daughter's clothing?"

My heart pounds loudly in my chest and my mouth dries up completely as Beverly confronts me. I knew being with Sarah was too good to be true, I knew it would come crashing down eventually, I'd just hoped to have some warning before it all came to an end. I take several nervous, shallow breaths before attempting to answer, but Sarah starts speaking before I get the chance.

"Mum, what you need to understand-" Sarah begins, but I know I've been cornered, and I have only one way out.

"Yes," I say quietly, causing Sarah to gasp and protectively grab my hand. "Yes I have." Beverly nods solemnly, but Sarah is defiant.

"I am NOT going to stop seeing Nick," Sarah states bluntly, giving my hand a tight squeeze. "It was my idea to let him wear my clothes. He- she enjoys it. We're not 'boyfriend and girlfriend', we're 'girlfriend and girlfriend'. And I love Nikki." I almost break down in tears at Sarah's public declaration of love for me.

"And I love Sarah," I quiver, squeezing Sarah's hand in return.

"I see," Beverly says stoically. "You've put me in a difficult position. On the one hand, obviously I don't want you to continue wearing my daughter's clothing, but on the other hand, I can see that the two of you do genuinely care for each other. It wouldn't be fair to stop the two of you seeing each other- whilst you have gone behind my back about this, you haven't lied to me when I asked you about it, and I do respect that."

"Nikki has her own underwear," Sarah explains, defiantly interrupting her mother. "It's in with mine but I know whose is whose so we don't wear each other's-"

"I wasn't done," Beverly said firmly, effortlessly silencing Sarah. "As I said before, I have experience in helping people with gender dysphoria, and some of these people were a lot younger than you are, Nick. I want you to tell me now- and again, I want an honest yes or no answer- would you rather live out the rest of your life as a girl?" Again, this catches me by surprise. My dressing sessions with Sarah may have come to an end, but Beverly hasn't split the two of us up. This question, however, is one I've run through in my mind a million times, especially since I started being with Sarah.

"I... don't know," I say honestly. "But I think I would, yes." Sarah leans in close to me, her own body clearly trembling with nerves.

"How does it make you feel when you're being a girl with Sarah?" Beverly asks.

"Happy," I answer truthfully. "I feel like I can do whatever I want, be whoever I want. When I'm a boy, I just feel... trapped. When I'm a girl I feel free." Beverly nods, then says something that almost makes me sick with nerves.

"You need to tell your parents," Beverly firmly states. "You clearly have some degree of gender dysphoria. Whether or not you are decisively a girl trapped in a boy's body I can't say for certain without speaking to you- and to Nikki- further, but bottling it up won't help you or anyone."

"I- I can't tell my parents," I complain, tears welling in my eyes. "They'd kill me! They'd actually kill me!"

"No they wouldn't," Beverly reassures me.

"Yeah," Sarah concurs. "Don't forget I've met your parents, they seem really nice!"

"You don't know dad," I blub, tears running down my cheeks. "He's a massive homophobe!"

"Nikki," Beverly says softly, "you are hardly the first person I've spoken to who's had this problem. You certainly won't be the last. There are literally thousands of people in the country going through what you're going through right now. If you don't want to tell your parents immediately that's fine, but the longer you put it off, the harder it'll be."

"I can hardly go back to school after the Easter holidays wearing a skirt, can I?" I ask petulantly, but much to my relief, Beverly laughs at my sarcasm.

"You truly, honestly wouldn't be the first," Beverly says with a warm smile. "There is nothing wrong with the way you feel, Nick, morally or physically. It's a simple fact of life that some people are more comfortable being the opposite gender to the one they were born into."

"Thanks," I whisper, drying my tears with Sarah's help.

"I'm still not happy with you wearing Sarah's clothing," Beverly explains firmly. "However it'd be wrong- and hypocritical- of me to say that you shouldn't dress in the way that makes you feel comfortable and happy, and it's not like Sarah hasn't swapped clothes with her friends in the past. So you can continue for now, provided that every item of clothing you wear goes straight in the wash once you're done with it."

"Thank you, thank you!" Sarah says, jumping up and giving her mother a quick hug before sitting down next to me and once again grabbing my hand.

"I can see how much this means to both of you," Beverly says softly. "I guess it's just sod's law that my daughter's first boyfriend would turn out to be transsexual. In future, though, when you do dress together, I want you to be downstairs so that I can keep an eye on you."

"Nikki was planning on coming over on Tuesday," Sarah explains cautiously.

"Well," Beverly says with a smug smile- the same smile her daughter inherited- "that'll be the perfect opportunity for me to meet her then, wouldn't it?"

I leave Sarah's house with a sense of extreme optimism. Not only is my desire to be a girl being accepted, but it's almost being encouraged by Sarah's mother.

That night my sleep is filled with multiple confusing dreams brought on by my excited state. The most vivid dream of them all is, once again, myself wearing a wedding dress, stood in front of an identically-dressed Sarah, leaning in to kiss each other as the priest says 'you may kiss the bride'...

I get more homework done on Sunday and Monday than I have at any other point of my school life. The two days seem to drag so slowly that I'm eager for any distraction to help pass the time. I barely sleep on Monday night through my desperation to get to my next 'Nikki day'.

Sure enough, when my alarm clock goes off on Tuesday morning I'm already awake and eager to jump out of bed and get round to Sarah's as fast as I can. I shower thoroughly, making sure I'm as clean as possible for Sarah's delicate clothing, before having a light breakfast and hurrying out of the house, much to my parents' bemusement.

Sarah greets me with a hug as I arrive at her house, and unsurprisingly, her mother is stood directly behind her, fixing me with a determined stare.

"Good morning, Beverly," I say nervously.

"Good morning, Nikki," Beverly replies stoically. "Do you need some time to get ready?" I unhesitatingly nod.

"Please," I say, much to Sarah's delight as the other teenaged girl grabs my hand and leads me up the stairs into her room.

"You know," Sarah says as she shuts the door, "I thought this would be less exciting if mum discovered what we're doing, but in a way it's almost more exciting."

"I know the feeling," I concur as Sarah opens a drawer in her dresser.

"This, from now on, is 'Nikki's drawer'," Sarah explains. "Mum's said that you're not to wear any of my cosmetics any more, so I got you some foundation, mascara, eyeliner and eye shadow yesterday. It's only cheap stuff because there isn't much left of your budget, I hope you don't mind."

"No, actually it's good to have my own stuff," I say, inspecting the new items.

"We never shared underwear in the first place," Sarah continues, "but mum's also said that you need to start to build your own wardrobe, so starting from next week, I'm going to start looking in charity shops for stuff for you, is that okay?"

"Like I said, it'd be good to have my own stuff," I repeat. Sarah grins and gives me a quick hug.

"I have to go downstairs whilst you change," Sarah explains, "just so mum doesn't get in a flap. I've picked out a skirt and top for you to wear and you've got your make-up right there, so just come down whenever you're ready." With that, Sarah gives me a quick kiss and leaves me alone in her haven of femininity. I waste no time in stripping off my boy clothes and picking out a bra and a pair of panties to change into. Sarah's left me several pairs of thick socks to stuff into the bra cups to fill them out, which I quickly do, before I pull on a new pair of opaque black tights. After fully making myself up, I pull on the clingy dark grey top Sarah laid out, before pulling on the knee-length, black A-line skirt. After fixing my wig into place and ensuring that my look is perfect, I take a deep breath and open the door to Sarah's room, carefully heading downstairs to where my girlfriend and her mother are waiting for me.

"You must be Nikki," Beverly says, offering me a light, feminine handshake that I eagerly reciprocate. "Sarah's told me all about you." I smile warmly at Beverly's unconditional acceptance of who I am and sit down on the sofa next to Sarah, who gives me a quick, tight hug.

"Even just looking at you now," Beverly begins, "there's a certain air of happiness that just comes off you."

"Thanks," I say with a warm smile. "All of this just feels so... Right."

The three of us spend the next hour talking about my life and what I, as Nikki, want for the future. On several occasions I find myself unconsciously performing some feminine mannerism or allowing my voice to raise higher than its normal pitch. Beverly correctly observes that during these occasions, I actually forget I'm a boy.

It's almost noon when Beverly drops yet another bombshell on me.

"It's almost time for lunch," the middle-aged doctor announces. "Where do the two of you want to go to eat?" Both Sarah's jaw and my own drop at Beverly's candid announcement.

"What, you mean, like, outside?" Sarah says. "You're saying Nikki should go outside, dressed like this?"

"I don't see anything wrong with what she's wearing, other than she maybe has too much make-up on," Beverly says with a knowing smile. "And she's our guest, we can hardly leave her on her own whilst we go out now, can we?" Every time Beverly uses a female pronoun to describe me, I feel a little warmer inside. "Sarah, fetch Nikki a pair of flats and one of your coats to wear," Beverly commands to Sarah, who dutifully obeys.

"This is- I-" I stammer, wanting to say something but unable to make out the words.

"Nikki," Beverly says softly, never breaking eye contact with me, "I know this is a big step, but if you're serious about one day living your life as a female, it's one you'll know you'll have to take eventually. The way you're dressed, you'd more than pass as a girl."

"What if I run into someone I know?" I whimper, trying to control my rampaging nerves.

"Sarah and I will be with you every step of the way," Beverly reassures me. "If we're asked we'll say you're Sarah's cousin, visiting for the Easter holiday."

"What if I need the toilet?" I blurt. Beverly simply chuckles, not losing even a shred of the air of confidence she's projected all morning.

"Go before we leave," Beverly states. "If you need the toilet whilst we're out, I'm sure Sarah will go with you. Nikki, if you don't want to go out today then obviously I can't force you to go, but the more we speak the more convinced I am that you are in fact a girl trapped in a boy's body. You yourself have said you would prefer to be female rather than male. If you want to back to being a boy then that's fine, but if you want to go down the path toward being a girl, you'll have to take this step eventually. Why not take it now, when you know you're safe and amongst friends?" Everything Beverly says makes sense to me- and I'm still in a state of disbelief that she's actually encouraging me.

"Okay," I whisper, trying to muster up even a shred of self-confidence. "Let's do it." As Sarah descends the stairs, I take the ballerina flats and girly coat she's holding and quickly slip them on, before turning to face my newest confidante.

"Actually," I say hesitantly to Beverly, "could I use your toilet first?"

An hour later, the three of us are sat around a table in a coffee shop a couple of miles away from Sarah's house. We enjoyed a light meal of a sandwich and a cookie- my nerves wouldn't let me eat anything else- and a very sweet cup of hot chocolate.

"How are you feeling?" Beverly asks me as I grip my cup to warm up my still ice-cold palms.

"Less anxious than I was," I confess. "I keep thinking I'm going to be found out at any moment. And there's the little things, like remembering to keep my knees together or legs crossed, keeping my hair out of my face..."

"Things that you perfected months ago at home, in private," Sarah reminds me. "Honestly Nikki, you are SO a girl. Remember how when you started, you use to have a hard time just sitting down wearing a skirt? Half the time you ended up sat on your panties. Yet here you are, wearing one of my loosest-fitting skirts and it's tucked under you like you've been wearing them all your life." I grin at the feel of the lining of the skirt moving underneath my nylon-covered backside as I shift in my seat.

"Possibly because I HAVE been wearing them all my life," I say with a smile. "Well, all Nikki's life, anyway." Sarah grins and gives my hand a quick squeeze.

"That reminds me," Beverly announces, "if you're to continue being a girl you'll be needing your own clothes. Sarah tells me you've been giving her a 'clothing budget' to get you underwear and cosmetics?"

"That's right," I answer.

"I'll put £20 into it, we'll get you some clothes from a charity store that can be your own," Beverly states. I'm almost in a state of shock- not only is this woman encouraging my fantasy, she's actually helping to pay for it now!

"I-I can't accept that, really, it's too much!" I stammer.

"Nonsense," Beverly stoically states. "You're my daughter's girlfriend, that means you're practically family. And I can easily spare £20 just this once."

"Seriously," Sarah interjects with a warm, beautiful smile, "mum has a REALLY well-paid job. I ask her for £20 for clothes and make-up all the time. I don't always get given it, of course..." I giggle girlishly as Beverly shoots a stern look at her daughter.

"I'd- I'd be honoured, thank you so much," I reply.

"Well then," Beverly announces. "Time to go shopping!" Sarah and I cheer as we depart the cafe.

We arrive back at Sarah's house just after 5 with two shopping bags in tow, filled with cheap but wearable clothes from various nearby charity stores. I have two skirts- one denim miniskirt, one black skirt similar to the one I'm still wearing- three tops, two with long sleeves and one with short sleeves, like a girly t-shirt, and a floaty summer dress for when it gets warm. That saw my £20 donation from Beverly disappear completely- and I had to chip in some money of my own (though I was happy to do this)- but as I'm packing the clothes away in the 'Nikki drawer' in Sarah's room I feel a tingle of excitement run through my body.

"Go on," Sarah says with a smirk, "model YOUR new skirt before you put it away!" I grin and strip Sarah's skirt off, not feeling any embarrassment at my panties being visible through my tights, and stretch the new denim skirt over my hips. It's a good fit- better than Sarah's skirts, in fact- and feels so comfortable once it's fastened, as does my other skirt when I try that one on.

"Next shopping trip," Sarah announces, "we're going to get you some shoes so you can come out shopping with me whenever you want!"

"Yes," I say firmly. "We are definitely going to have to do that. I want to go out again. I want the whole world to see Nikki."

"Whole world..." Sarah begins as she retrieves her make-up remover from her drawer, "except your parents?" My smile falls into a deep frown as Sarah sets about removing the make-up from my face.

"I really, really wish I could just chuck all my boy clothes away and go back to school after the holidays in a skirt," I confess as the femininity is unceremoniously erased from my face.

"Then do so!" Sarah practically yells. "You have people on your side, Nikki. People who love you. You know my mum will back you up if you go home wearing your new clothes."

"The same mum who you haven't told about your dream of being a fashion designer?" I shoot back, wincing a little at how personal my snipe was. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't-"

"No," Sarah says firmly, having finished removing my make-up. "You know what? You're right. If you're brave enough to face the world as Nikki, then I'm brave enough to face my mum. I'll be waiting downstairs once you've changed." With that, Sarah gives me a quick kiss and marches out of her room. I change back into my boy clothes, and as I head downstairs I'm amazed at just how self-conscious I feel wearing my clothes. For the first time in my life, I feel as though I'm actually a girl pretending to be a boy. I guess that deep down, that's exactly what I am.

When I reach the lounge, Sarah and Beverly are waiting for me. Sarah- obviously brim-filled with nerves- takes a deep breath and begins speaking.

"Mum," she shakily announces, "there's something I need to tell you."

"What is it?" Beverly asks, concern seeping into her usually controlled voice. "Sarah, if you're pregnant-"

"I'm not," Sarah says firmly, grabbing my hand. "I promised you we'd wait until we're both sixteen, and that's what we're going to do. It's about school."

"Your reports show that your grades are okay," Beverly says, obviously trying to figure out ahead of time what her daughter is trying to tell her. "Your biology could be a little higher, but it's nothing you can't work on..."

"I don't want to be a doctor when I grow up," Sarah blurts, squeezing my hand hard as she tries to keep herself from collapsing into a ball of raw emotion. "I know that's what you always wanted but I hate biology, I don't want to be a doctor..." Beverly's face goes perfectly stoic at the revelation.

"I thought that was what you always wanted," she says. "Ever since you were little, when you used to play doctor with your cousins. You made me get you that doctors and nurses playset when you were seven..."

"...Because I like dressing up," Sarah confesses. "I love fashion. I want to be a designer when I'm older, I want to make clothes." Much to my girlfriend's- and my own- relief, a warm smile spreads over Beverly's face.

"You know," the older woman tells her still-petrified daughter, "all you had to do was tell me? Obviously it's too late to change your GCSEs now but we can always enroll you in a fashion college after they end." Sarah's jaw drops- clearly, she was not expecting this reaction.

"You- you mean you're okay with this?" Sarah asks, astonished by the reaction.

"Why wouldn't I be?" Beverly asks. "It's a good enough career and I'm sure if you work hard enough at it, you can become the best there is it at it. And most importantly of all, if it's what you think will make you happy, then it's what you should do." Sarah almost breaks down in tears, and after giving me a quick hug, leaps up and allows her mother to tenderly hug her.

"I just thought- because the family are all doctors- because-" Sarah breaks down in soft sobs of relief and happiness at finally unbottling the secret she'd held her whole life.

"Don't do something, don't be anyone just because that's what other people say you should be," Beverly says, casting a knowing glance in my direction. "If someone truly loves you then they'll accept you for who you are, even if it's not who you're pretending to be." Inside, I feel as if all of Sarah's nerves have been poured into my body. Beverly is right. I am only pretending to be a boy. One day, I will pluck up the courage and tell my parents the truth, just like Sarah told her mother just now.

One day. But sadly, deep inside I know it's not going to be today...

I pout my deep red-coloured lips for the camera as I take shot after shot of me in various poses. My dark brown hair has been styled into a feminine bob, framing my immaculately made-up face.

My dress is unique- truly one of a kind. Made up of three layers of multicoloured organza, it is simultaneously elegant and modern, sleek yet fun. The wide shoulder straps cover my padded bra, and the asymmetrical skirts cover the top half of my hairless legs, encased in thin black tights. On my feet are black stiletto pumps with a 2.5" heel- not even close to being a match for the dress, but all I can afford on my limited budget. I raise one hand to my hip, my completely hairless arm ending in long, deep red nails. To look at me, you'd never suspect I was a fifteen year old girl- let alone a fifteen year old boy!

"I wish you didn't have to sell this dress," I pout as Sarah takes another photo of her latest creation- by which I of course mean the dress, not me!

"There'll be another one along in a few weeks," Sarah says with a smile. I grin briefly before resuming my earlier 'model's pout'. "Okay, your turn!"

"That WAS my turn," I joke as I take the camera from Sarah and begin to photograph her in her own dress- a deep blue spaghetti-strapped creation with emerald-coloured detailing. Sarah is, of course, also wearing her own make-up, nail polish and heels. Before too long, the dresses we're wearing will be for sale on Sarah's online store and will no doubt be eagerly snapped up by a fashionista with an eye for style!

Once we're done with our photographs we dismantle the impromptu studio we'd erected in Sarah's living room and change our dresses for casual skirts and tops.

"Are you girls all finished now?" Beverly calls from the kitchen, having known better than to interfere in her daughter's 'summer project'!

"All done, mum," Sarah replies, prompting Beverly to enter the room and hand us both tall, cold glasses of fruit juice.

"Thanks," I say as I sit down on the sofa, elegantly sweeping my light, knee-length skirt underneath me.

"Do you both have to keep your heels on?" Beverly chastises, causing me and my girlfriend to sheepishly remove our footwear and put them neatly away in the hallway. "I also don't get why you have to wear so much make-up too..."

"We're supermodels!" Sarah explains with a smug smile. "We can't exactly go in front of the camera bare-faced, can we?"

"There's a difference between 'some' make-up and 'that' make-up," Beverly says firmly, before letting out a small giggle. "I suppose you can't stop teenaged girls from being teenaged girls. And- make-up aside- you are being very professional about your business. I am very proud of what you've achieved, Sarah."

"Thanks, mum," Sarah says with a bashful smile as she cuddles up closer to me. "I couldn't have done it without you. OR without my best girl Nikki!"

"You probably could've," I say in my practised feminine voice as Sarah gives me a quick cuddle. "I mean, you're the uber-talented designer, I'm just a clothes horse with a face."

"No," Sarah quickly corrects me, "you're a supermodel. You really could do this professionally."

"Um, are you forgetting the small problem with that?" I sigh. "No model agency's going to hire a former boy. Or a current boy..."

"How many times do I have to tell you," Beverly interrupts, "you'll never know until you try. And you know I'm not just referring to modelling, right?"

"Yeah," Sarah says. "All the time you've been a schoolboy all you've wanted to be was a schoolgirl. You've only got one year left before leaving school for good..."

"I know, I know," I say, trying to keep my emotions in check. "It's just... too much of a risk."

"You won't be able to keep it from them forever," Sarah persists. "Telling them you've shaved your legs and arms for swimming, you've grown your hair long because I asked you too... How long do you suppose you'll be able to keep your parents fooled?"

"Only until the end of my GCSEs," I say firmly. "Then I'll think about it." Deep down, however, I know that I'll never have the courage to face my parents as Nikki. The doubt eats away at me for the rest of the day, even as my make-up and nail polish is removed and I'm putting away my outfit in the 'Nikki drawers' in Sarah's bedroom. It's amazing just how much my collection of girl's clothes has expanded in the last four months- I now own over a dozen skirts and dresses, some girly shorts, even a pair of tight-fitting jeans. I have several tops and shirts, and even- at Sarah's insistence- one long-sleeved bodysuit. I have five pairs of shoes- some that even have heels- and even one pair of boots that I saw going cheap in a charity store. Hell, I even own a girl's black one-piece swimsuit, even though I'm never likely to ever wear it anywhere near water. And my underwear drawer is filled to near-bursting with panties, bras and several different colours of tights.

"You know this can't go on," Sarah tells me as I finish putting 'Nick's' clothes back on. "Every time you stop being Nikki you're more and more miserable. I hate seeing you with a frown on your face, it's like your mouth won't form a smile unless it's wearing lipstick." I lick my bare lips and stare at the floor.

"Would- would you still love me if I was a girl all the time?" I ask quietly. Sarah immediately drops what she was doing and wraps her arms around me in a tight embrace.

"Of COURSE I would!" She practically yells in my ear. "You're my girlfriend!"

"I just thought, you know," I stutter, "right now you have the best of both, and-"

"I don't care what category you want to put yourself in," Sarah says. "Just as long as you're you." I return Sarah's hug as we head downstairs, hand in hand.

"Nick," Beverly says to me as I prepare to leave, "can I have a quick word?" Confused by this sudden request, I park myself down on the sofa, where just minutes earlier I had been snuggled up next to Sarah in my cute skirt and top.

"I think it would be best for you if you started to see a psychiatrist," Beverly states bluntly. I'm slightly taken aback-and slightly insulted by Beverly's forthrightness.

"You always said there was nothing wrong with the way I am," I say defensively.

"And there isn't," Beverly retorts. "You don't need to be 'cured', Nikki. But you do need to be happy. The difference between looking at you now and looking at you half an hour ago is astonishing. You're not happy as a boy, and you need help. Whether this is to get you help to come out as a girl full-time, or to help you be happier as a boy, I can't say- you'll have to talk that out with your counselor. I'd be happy to help you myself, but obviously, you're practically family so I wouldn't be able to be professionally detached."

"...And you probably couldn't afford her," Sarah snarks, prompting me to giggle a little.

"Sarah," Beverly chastises, effortlessly silencing the defiant teenager. "I know someone who can help you, and she's NHS so she can help you without you having to pay. You just need a referral from your GP."

"I-I can't talk to my doctor," I complain, panic rising in my chest. "He'd tell my parents, he'd-"

"Hello?" Sarah interrupts. "Doctor-patient confidentiality?"

"That's right," Beverly confirms. "I can almost guarantee you won't be the first transgendered person your GP will have seen, and probably not the first under-16 either. He won't tell your parents unless you specifically give him permission."

"When I see him..." I say, my voice quivering, "could you come with me, please?" I look at Beverly, knowing I'm asking a lot but not expecting a positive response. I almost break down in tears when she smiles.

"Of course I'll come with you," Beverly says warmly. "I'll have to fit the appointment around my work but as it's the school holidays it shouldn't be too hard to get you in to see him soon."

"I'll come with you too," Sarah offers, squeezing my shoulder.

"Thanks," I say hesitantly, "but-"

"But?" Sarah asks, mild offence creeping into her voice.

"But..." I say, picking my words with extreme care. "...I want your mum to come as she's the only adult I can trust. I mean, of course- I'd want your support, but-"

"You want this to be done properly," Sarah finishes my sentence. "It's okay, I get it. Can I come if I promise to be quiet?"

"There's a first time for everything," Beverly snipes with a smug smile on her face, laughing when her daughter sticks her tongue out at her.

"The big question is- do you go as Nick or Nikki?" Sarah asks. Beverly, however, replies immediately.

"Go as Nick, at least for the first appointment," Beverly advises. I nod quietly- I never thought what was a childish obsession with girl's clothes could reach the point where I'm actually seeking medical help, but I trust Beverly absolutely.

As I'm leaving the house, Sarah stops me with one final hug.

"God, I missed you," she mumbles into my shoulder. "I'm so glad I'm back from America. You must be, too- I'm guessing you didn't get any Nikki time whilst I was away?"

"Not a second," I confirm. "I missed it. But I missed Sarah time more!"

"Right answer!" Sarah says, squeezing me tighter and giving me a quick kiss before letting me depart.

The very next day- and without my parents' knowledge- I book an appointment with my doctor, and just three days afterwards I rendezvous with Beverly and Sarah outside the clinic. I'd told my parents I was spending the day with Sarah- which I guess isn't entirely untrue.

"Hey Nikki," Sarah says, giving me a quick hug that I eagerly reciprocate. "I've got make-up in my bag in case you need to become the 'real' you before we get home."

"Thanks," I say, unsure exactly how to react. I'm wearing just a boring pair of jeans and a t-shirt and with my hair slicked back I'm obviously a boy- but some lipstick now would feel SO good...

It's not long before I'm called in to see my doctor, and after Beverly introduces herself and Sarah and the two women take seats either side of me, the middle-aged man turns to face me and asks me a question that stumps me entirely.

"So Nick, how can I help you today?" I freeze under such a direct question. I've played through this scene a hundred times in my head and each time I speak eloquently, make a grand gesture with fanfares playing in the background, but now that the moment's come, I'm at a loss for words.

"I-" I stutter, my mouth seemingly incapable of forming another coherent word. Fortunately, Sarah is there to grab my hand and give it a comforting squeeze.

"Take it slowly, in your own time," Beverly whispers in my ear. "We're here to support you no matter what."

"I-" I stutter again, before taking a deep breath and finishing the sentence in one continuous sound. "I think I'm transsexual," I blurt. Instantly it's as though a weight is released from my chest and I almost melt off the chair in exhilaration. I've said it! I've actually said it, and to a man I've known for almost my entire life. And the doctor doesn't look shocked, or offended- he simply nods professionally.

"How long have you had these feelings?" He asks. With the first question answered, the next questions are a piece of cake.

"As long as I can remember," I say confidently. "I've always dreamed about being a girl, being part of a group of girls, growing up as a woman. I feel much happier when I'm being a girl instead of a boy."

"Have you told your parents this?" The doctor asks, to which I simply shake my head.

"I can't," I say quietly. "They wouldn't understand, they'd think I was a freak."

"You'd be surprised," the doctor says with a smile. "I don't think you're a freak, your friend and her mother obviously don't. It's nothing out of the ordinary or freakish for some people to feel they were born the wrong gender, and I think you'll find your parents will understand that better than you think."

"I wish that was true," I mumble. The doctor simply smiles comfortingly at me and probes further, asking the same questions Beverly had earlier asked about my genuine desire to be female, before making the recommendation Beverly had promised that he would.

"I'm going to refer you to a counselor who specialises in these sorts of things," the doctor says, typing into his computer. "She'll be happy to see you once a week to talk through how you feel, but one of the first things she'll say will be what I'm saying now: TELL. YOUR. PARENTS. If you're diagnosed with gender dysphoria you can be started on hormone replacement therapy very quickly- provided, of course, you have your parents' consent."

"Bu-but I'm only fifteen, I can't take hormones!" I exclaim, taken aback by the doctor's positivity.

"Hormone replacement is available to patients from the age of twelve," the doctor explains. "You're going through puberty now, which is the biggest hormonal change our bodies ever experience. It's a lot easier and a lot quicker to get the right hormonal balance in you now than it would be after puberty finishes." I sit back in my chair, dazed by what I'm hearing.

"From what you've told me I believe that you are a girl trapped in a boy's body," the doctor explains, "and I think you truly believe that as well. The longer you put this decision off, the harder it will be in the long run." I nod and thank the doctor for his time before leaving the clinic with Beverly and Sarah.

"That's two people now who have told you the exact same thing," Beverly says confidently.

"Two TRAINED PROFESSIONALS," Sarah emphasizes. "Two people who know what they're talking about probably even better than you do! How long are you going to keep running away from what you want more than anything?"

"My parents just wouldn't understand," I whine as Beverly drives us back to her home.

"Yes. They. Would." Sarah insists. I simply sigh and gaze out of the window, tired of arguing further. However, the streets we're driving down look familiar- but not as the streets leading to Sarah's home.

"Are- are you driving me back to my house?" I ask anxiously.

"Yes, yes I am," Beverly confirms.

"I'm not telling them!" I blurt, panic setting in. "I'm not telling them today! I-"

"You've made that perfectly clear," Beverly jokes. "However, you are always saying just how intolerant your parents are, and as I've never met them, I figured it was time to judge for myself. Besides, it seems strange that you've been my daughter's boyfriend or girlfriend for months now and I've never met them. Today seems as good a day as any." Knowing when I'm defeated, I slump back in my chair.

Mere minutes later, we arrive at my house where Beverly formally introduces herself to my parents. As the adults talk in the living room, I lead Sarah up to my room, where we both sit down on my tiny single bed.

"This sucks," I complain.

"I dunno, I kinda like your room," Sarah says, trying to cheer me up. "It's... Androgynous." I smile and take the compliment the way it was intended.

"Yeah, but I don't have a single bit of PROPER clothing anywhere in it," I whinge. Sarah smiles knowingly as she undoes her bag.

"You've got make-up though," Sarah chuckles as she tips out my cosmetics onto my bed. I pick up the lipstick and twirl it around nervously.

"I wouldn't get away with it," I sigh. "I'd have to go out into my bathroom to wash it off, and my parents would DEFINITELY wonder what we were both doing in there..."

"Nikki!" Sarah interrupts, grabbing my head and directing my full attention toward her. "I'm here. My mum's here. I can make you up right now, we can go downstairs and you can explain everything to your parents with the best back-up in the world." I pause briefly as I seriously consider what Sarah's saying. I've had two trained medical professionals tell me that they believe I'm a girl trapped in a boy's body. Very soon I'll be referred to a third who will undoubtedly- hopefully, anyway- say the same thing. But if my parents don't accept me... I'll be left with nothing. Either I'll be forced to stop being a girl- and even worse, stopped from seeing Sarah- for good, or I'll be kicked out completely. I can't risk either of those thing happening.

"I... Am... A girl," I whisper shakily. "I just... Can't be, just yet." Sarah hugs me as I finalise my decision yet again.

"You know," Sarah says, "this is the first time outside school I've spent a prolonged period of time with 'boy you'. And he's nowhere near as fun as my Nikki!"

"I'm sorry," I whisper.

"Don't you dare be sorry!" Sarah admonishes me. "Except for your lack of courage!" Sarah sticks her tongue out at me to let me know she's joking, and I retort in kind before we link hands in our 'girl love handshake'.

"I shouldn't need to remind you that it's not really 'girl love' if it's not between two girls," Sarah teases, quickly pulling her hand away from mine. I sigh and collapse back on my bed whilst Sarah puts on a CD as we waste the afternoon talking, listening to music and NOT being two girlfriends.

Beverly eventually calls Sarah down less than 30 minutes later, but before they leave, Beverly speaks to me privately.

"Your parents are nice people," Beverly explains. "I don't know where you get this 'intolerance' from. I explained to them what I do for a living, the people I deal with, and they were curious and non-judgemental."

"Non-judgemental of strangers," I retort. "It'd be different if it was their own son."

"You'll never know for sure until you try," Beverly advises as she departs, closely followed by her daughter (though not before Sarah gives me a goodbye hug & kiss!).

"She seems like a nice person," dad enthuses as I collapse down on our sofa and pretend to take interest in the television. "Dealing with transsexuals all day... Must be hard keeping her 'his' and 'her's straight! It is a bit weird all that, don't you think? Can't understand how someone can feel they have a burning need to chop and change their parts to become the opposite gender."

"You can't understand why people suddenly stop liking certain types of food," mum jokes as she sits down next to dad.

"Well it's not natural, is it?" Dad asks, but with confusion in his voice rather than anger. "If someone's born a boy, surely they'd want to grow up to be a man?" Inside, I die a little with each word my father says reinforcing my belief that I'd never be accepted as his daughter.

"Anyway, it obviously keeps her and her daughter well-fed," dad concludes. "I was kinda hoping you were going to get a haircut today, Nick. Let it get any longer and maybe we'll have to see if she can give you a few counselling sessions!"

"Ha ha," I sarcastically laugh, secretly wishing we could continue the previous topic of conversation. Because I came close to letting Sarah make me up. I came close- so close- to finally biting the bullet and telling my parents that deep down inside, I'm not a boy.

That night as I sleep, I once again find myself dressed in a pristine white wedding dress, walking down the aisle to where Sarah is waiting for me at the altar, dressed in her own pure white gown. I look up at the face of the person walking me down the aisle and I see my dad smiling warmly down at me.

"I'm so, so proud of you," dad beams. "My beautiful daughter."

If only, if only dreams could come true.

I brush my shoulder-length hair out of my eyes and tuck it behind my ears as I listen to the middle-aged woman talk as she makes notes on the whiteboard. I fidget a little in my seat- I've been wearing my school uniform all day and even though three months from now I'll have worn it for the very last time, I'd pay anything to go home and slip into something more comfortable... Like a cute skirt and a pair of warm tights, as opposed to my itchy cotton shorts and polyester trousers.

"...If you identify your thought processes at every stage," Dr. Williamson, my counsellor, advises me, "you'll be able to identify the point at which you begin to have these negative thoughts, and you can alter your thinking so as to avoid the traps of anxiety or depression."

"Got it," I acknowledge, lazily making notes in an old exercise book I use for our sessions.

"I don't need to tell you how important it is that we don't allow you to succumb to negative thoughts and feelings," the psychiatrist states. "Young people, especially those in your position, can and do often feel trapped, like there's no way out. It's not always easy to look at things from a detached standpoint, but you have to make sure to at least try."

"I will," I say. Dr. Williamson is definitely not wrong- ever since I started seeing her in August she's helped me in more ways than I can count. She's helped me feel more comfortable with who I am- both as Nick and as Nikki- and helped me rationalise my own thought processes. It didn't take long for her to outright state that I have a clear case of gender dysphoria, and as Beverly and my GP predicted, her first piece of advice was to tell my parents immediately. I was able to avoid having to do this, but Dr. Williamson then upped the ante and told me she'd happily write a formal diagnosis AND a prescription for hormone replacement therapy immediately- as long as I came out to my parents (and in fairness, as a minor, she couldn't really prescribe such radical treatment behind my parents' back). When I again refused she started me on a course of 'behavioural therapy'- analysing my behaviours to improve the way I feel about myself. And it has helped- previously when I stopped being Nikki, I would be miserable, often borderline depressed. Our sessions have helped me to focus on the positives- even if the only positive is that I know soon I'll be able to be Nikki again! My relationship with Sarah has also been analysed, and has been deemed to be very much a positive in my life- not that I needed a psychiatrist to tell me that, of course!

The one negative about these sessions is that I'm never able to attend them as Nikki. They're always on a Friday afternoon, after school, when I have no choice but to attend in my uniform.

Our short session quickly reaches its climax, but before I'm sent on my way, Dr. Williamson surprises me with a small envelope.

"Happy birthday for Sunday," she says with a warm smile. "Sixteen- it's a big milestone. You'll be one step closer to being an adult, and making all your own decisions. And on that subject, I'll leave you with the same advice I've told you for the last seven months- Tell. Your. Parents. If not right now, then set a date and promise yourself that you'll tell them on or before that date." I nod timidly, thank the doctor for her time and head home.

The following day, despite my parents wanting to make a big fuss of me ahead of my big day tomorrow, is still a Saturday, a Saturday I intend to spend just like every other Saturday for the past year and a half!

"Hi, birthday boyfriend!" Sarah yells as she opens her front door, throwing her arms around me in a big hug. "Or should I say 'birthday girlfriend'?"

"That sounds much better," I sigh as Sarah leads me up to her room, giving me barely any time to say hi to Beverly before I'm left alone with my bulging 'Nikki drawers'. Thanks to my getting a paper round and Sarah insisting on paying me a 'commission' for continuing to model her hand-made dresses for her- and the two of us discovering eBay- I now own more skirts than I do trousers at home! I quickly strip off my boy clothes and pull on a soft grey thong, followed by a plain cotton bra that I pad out with special 'breast forms' I bought online. They were £25, but they feel so much more realistic than stuffing a pair of socks in each cup, and they were very much worth the expense! After applying a thick- but professional-looking- layer of make-up, brushing my hair out and painting my nails a matte red colour, I pick out my outfit. My legs and arms are still hairless- I tell my parents this is a combination of both being on the swimming team and Sarah's preference- so I roll a pair of thin black tights up my legs, followed by a cute short black skirt and a clingy dark grey top. After pulling a pair of ballerina pumps on my feet, I quickly head downstairs to where my girlfriend greets me with a tight hug.

"Aww, every time you become Nikki you just look cuter and cuter!" Sarah exclaims as we crash down on the sofa next to each other. I girlishly tuck my nylon-covered legs underneath me, thanking Beverly as she hands me a glass of fruit juice.

"What time do you want me to bring Sarah round tomorrow?" Beverly asks.

"Any time's fine," I say in my practised feminine voice. Ever since I opened up to Beverly about 'Nikki', I've been subtly training my voice to sound more and more girl-like- leading to some awkward moments at home (usually after I've just woken up) when I accidentally answer my parents with my 'Nikki' voice! "My grandparents won't be around until about midday."

"That's good, that's about the time Sarah usually gets up on a Sunday," Beverly jokes, earning herself a stuck-out tongue from her daughter.

"In fairness, she's not entirely wrong," my girlfriend concedes. "If it wasn't for you coming round, I'd probably not get up on Saturdays at all!" Sarah and I both giggle girlishly at her joke.

"What are you girls planning on doing today?" Beverly asks- and for once, I have an immediate answer.

"I want a girly day, like Sarah had for her sixteenth," I say confidently. Sarah sighs sadly at my mention of her birthday the previous November- and how jealous I'd told her I'd felt afterwards. Nikki, two of her school friends, her mother and her aunt went out for a day of pampering at a local beauty spa. This included facials, manicures, pedicures, a bikini wax- which I wasn't quite as jealous of- and numerous other treatments. And I, as the boyfriend, had to stay behind when I so, so desperately wanted to be pampered just like the other women.

"Obviously," I continue, "I realise there's no point in me getting an expensive makeover or manicure when I have to wash it off at the end of the day, but I just... Want to be pampered for a day."

"You know," Sarah reminds me, "you don't HAVE to wash it all off at the end of the day..." I sigh and hold Sarah's hand for comfort- she is, of course, correct. If only it were that easy...

"Enough frowning," Beverly orders. "No girl should be unhappy on the weekend of her sixteenth birthday. You want to be pampered? We'll pamper you. Isn't that right, Sarah?" Sarah smiles, catching on to what her mother is planning.

"Yeah!" Sarah beams. "If you want a girly day, then it's a girly day you'll have, right here!"

"Looks like I'm going to have to do some shopping," Beverly announces.

"Really, please don't to any expense on my behalf," I futilely plead as Beverly grabs her handbag and her car keys.

"Nonsense," the older woman says. "I've told you before, you're my daughter's girlfriend, that practically makes you part of the family. And it's one of your most important birthdays, so that means I have to treat you!" Knowing better than to argue further, I slump back down on the sofa, Sarah wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug as her mother drives away.

"You know," Sarah says with a sparkle in her eyes, "if it was 24 hours later, we'd legally be allowed to have sex right now..." I giggle and give Sarah a quick kiss.

"Ugh," I groan. "I wish we hadn't made that promise to our parents."

"I reckon mum's testing us by going," Sarah deduces. "Seeing whether or not we'll break our promise."

"I don't think anything's ever tempted me as much as you right now," I say, holding Sarah closer. "But we can't let ourselves fail now, can we?"

"It's not like we're going to get any time to ourselves tomorrow..." Sarah moans. "Next Saturday. I'll find some way of getting rid of mum, so next Saturday, we'll do it then."

"Really?" I ask. "With me in 'Nikki mode'?" Sarah simply smiles at me.

"Shit yeah!" She says. "'Nikki' is the girl I love, Nikki's the girl I want to have sex with!"

"Am I technically a lesbian if I have a penis, though?" I wonder aloud, making Sarah laugh.

"You're whatever you want yourself to be," she reminds me, cuddling me closer.

Beverly returns a mere half an hour later with a shopping bag full of cosmetic treasures. After changing into my swimsuit, my make-up was washed off and my face was treated with a cleansing, pore-opening nutrient mask that left my skin feeling fresher than it had ever been in my life. Sarah then reapplied my make-up with precision care, including HUGE false eyelashes! My hands and feet were treated to an exfoliant wash that removed all the dead skin and grime and left them looking and feeling AMAZING, and finally my legs and arms were 'treated' to a hot wax, that didn't quite hurt as much as I thought it would- largely as my arms and legs were almost completely hairless anyway! Afterwards, I pulled my skirt and top back on on top of my swimsuit (leaving my tights off to show off my new look legs!) and posed for Sarah as she took several photos for her scrapbook- including several close-ups of my immaculately made-up face!

Not wanting to remove my glamorous look, I manage to convince my parents to let me stay over at Sarah's house for dinner (something Beverly happily agrees to as well), meaning I stay as Nikki for a full ten hours before being forced to undo all the hard work that Beverly and Sarah has put into my day of pampering. As I toss my beautiful clothing into Sarah's washing basket and put my boring boy clothes back on, I look down at my now-colourless fingernails and a wave of what can almost be described as pain washes over me. When Sarah re-enters the room and catches me crying at the sight, she instantly hugs me and allows me to cry onto her shoulder.

"It's okay, it's okay," she says softly.

"It's not fair," I moan between sobs. "I can't- I can't take it anymore!" Sarah softly grabs my face and looks me straight in the eye.

"Then don't!" She orders. "If it hurts you so much that it makes you cry, do something about it!" Remembering the advice of my counsellor, I calm my emotions and rationalise my thought processes.

"May the sixteenth," I whisper. Sarah looks at me confused.

"What happens on May the sixteenth?" she asks, before catching on to what I'm saying.

"That's the day of my last exam," I explain. "And the day I stop being a boy." Sarah gasps slightly but then hugs me even tighter.

"Promise me you won't let me back out of this," I ask the girl I love. "I'll try to chicken out, I know I will. No matter what I or your mother say, promise me you won't let me bottle it again."

"I promise, I-" Sarah says, before looking at me confusedly. "Again?"

"Last summer?" I remind Sarah. "When your mum met my parents and you said I should go down to meet them as Nikki? I very nearly did." This time, it's Sarah's turn to start crying, and my turn to hug her.

"I'm sorry," I whisper in her ear.

"No," Sarah whispers quietly. "You have nothing to be sorry for. At least, not from May the sixteenth, you won't. I love you, Nikki."

"I love you, Sarah," I quietly whisper back.

The following day I'm woken up at 7am by my mum coming into my room with a whole armful of presents and cards. It may sound silly, but when I was young I was even jealous of girls' birthday cards. Mine would always have cars and footballers on them, whilst girls would have ballerinas and princesses on theirs- all the things I wanted in my life.

"Happy sixteenth birthday!" Mum enthuses to my still-groggy form.

"Thanks, mum," I say, trying to hide behind my tiredness the fact that I'll no doubt be disappointed that all my presents won't contain what I really want. Don't get me wrong- I know my parents aren't well-off and they do their very best to ensure I have everything they think I want- it's just that their ideas of what I want differ greatly from my own.

Sure enough, when I get downstairs and open the presents, they're all exactly what I'm expecting- deodorant sets, DVDs, a new wallet, clothing- BOY's clothing- boy's underwear. It's only when I get to the final box that my eyes light up.

There, inside a deceptively huge box that I was obviously led to believe contained a pair of boy's shoes, is £250 in cash. It's all I can do not to bounce around excitedly or clamp my hands over my mouth in shock.

"Oh my god!" I exclaim, desperately trying not to let my voice creep higher. "Thank you, thank you so much!"

"You only turn sixteen once, don't expect it every year!" Dad advises me. Right now I want to hug him more than anything, but instead I settle for a fatherly pat on the back. No doubt I'll be expected to spend this money on things like video games and DVDs- however, I have other plans for the money...

My grandparents arrive just before midday, followed by Sarah and her mother half an hour later. Naturally, with my elderly grandparents present, Sarah and I are placed on separate chairs more than arm's reach apart from each other, but there are a few murmurs when Sarah gives me a quick kiss whilst handing me my card. When I read the card, however, it's the handwritten message at the bottom of the card that makes me smile the most.

You didn't ask me for a surprise, but I have one additional surprise for you... I look over at Sarah who flashes me a quick wink whilst my parents and grandparents reminisce about my early years.

Everyone- Sarah included- leaves just after 5pm, leaving me alone with my parents, and my thoughts. Whatever Sarah's surprise is, it's obviously something she can't reveal in public, so it's obviously something for Nikki, and it can't be to do with sex, as we've both spoken about that, so it technically wouldn't be a surprise.

All throughout the week at school Sarah's being coy about the surprise. Even when I invite myself around to her house mid-week (obviously not becoming Nikki, as there really isn't any time to do so) she refuses to divulge her 'secret', insisting that I wait until Saturday.

When Friday night rolls around my brain is almost completely scrambled by thoughts of the surprise- and of Sarah. Despite how close we are and how much we love each other, we've never even so much as seen each other naked, and tomorrow, there's a very good chance we'll be losing our virginity together...

Needless to say, on Saturday morning I'm round at Sarah's early- knocking on her door just after 9am. Much to my delight, Sarah's not only awake but already up and dressed. She greets me with a loving kiss on my bare lips before quickly dragging me by the hand up to her room, barely giving me a chance to say hi to her mother as I stumble up the stairs.

"I bet you're dying to know what your surprise is!" Sarah says with a smug smile.

"Literally dying, yes," I say, pouting as hard as I can to make Sarah end this torturous anticipation. Sarah simply giggles before throwing open her wardrobe, making me gasp and almost cry with delight.

There, taking pride of place in her wardrobe, is the dress I had modelled for her online store back in August. Made of three layers of multicoloured organza with an asymmetrical skirt and wide shoulder straps, I had been almost heartbroken when Sarah told me it had been sold- especially as it had fit me like a glove.

"Oh my god!" I exclaim, blinking back tears. "You bought it back?"

"No, silly!" Sarah teases. "But I knew how much you loved the dress, so I made you another one. Happy birthday, Nikki." Now openly crying, I embrace my wonderful girlfriend before she squirms free and hands me a bra & thong from one of my 'Nikki drawers'.

"Well, aren't you going to put it on?" Sarah asks with a smile. I grin widely and dry my eyes before Sarah heads downstairs, leaving me alone. I pull the tight undergarments on- filling the bra cups with my breast forms- before pulling on a pair of nude tights and fixing my make-up. Whilst it isn't as professional as last week's look (and I can't afford any more false eyelashes) my subtle eye shadow, dark nail polish and my deepest, reddest lipstick make me feel like the supermodel I was when I last wore my- and it is now my- dress. Now shaking with anticipation, I pull the beautiful garment on, loving the feel of the fabric swishing over my nylon-covered legs, and fasten it at the back before pulling on my highest-heeled shoes (a pair of red pumps with a 3" stiletto heel) and admiring myself in the mirror.

"May the sixteenth," I say to the beautiful teenaged girl in the mirror before heading downstairs to gasps of approval from Sarah and her mother.

"You are the most beautiful girl in the world," Sarah says, greeting me with a long kiss on the lips.

"You truly look stunning," Beverly confirms politely as I sit down on the sofa, remembering my 'posture practice' and keeping my knees pressed firmly together.

"Thank you, thank you both," I say, gently caressing the dress and loving the feeling of the fabric between my fingers. "This is the best birthday ever!"

I stay in my special dress until lunchtime, when Beverly announces out of the blue that she's run out of milk and needs to make a grocery run. With her sudden departure, Sarah snuggles up closer to me on the sofa and plants a long, deep kiss on my mouth.

"We're all alone," Sarah says with a smile, linking her fingers with mine. It doesn't take long for me to catch onto what she means.

"Yes," I stutter as Sarah kisses me again. "Do- do you really, really want-"

"YES," Sarah states firmly. With my heart rapidly thumping in my ears, I allow Sarah to grab me by the hand and lead me upstairs to her room, where we both quickly (but carefully in my case) remove our shoes and dresses and stand in front of each other dressed in just our underwear. Sarah then kisses me again, whilst simultaneously stripping off my tights and reaching a hand down inside my thong. At the same time, I hesitantly unclip her bra and slide her own thong down her long, smooth legs. Sarah then breaks away from my embrace, and standing stark naked in front of me, reaches into my- well, Nick's wallet, pulling out a small square package.

"Think I didn't notice this in school this week?" Sarah asks with a wide grin on her face.

Ten minutes later, the two of us- no longer virgins- were sitting upright in her bed, cradling each other in our arms.

"You do know," I say, still breathless, "if I do what I say I'm going to do on May the sixteenth, there'll come a time where we won't be able to do that anymore?" Sarah simply sighs and kisses my neck.

"There's more than one way to have sex," she says softly. "Just as long as it's with you, I don't care HOW we do it. I want to 'make love', not 'have sex', and you're the only girl I love."

"My counsellor... Also tells me that I might start liking boys after my change," I mumble quietly. This time, Sarah simply holds me closer to her still-naked form.

"Then maybe I'll just have to become a boy," Sarah says with a smile, before cringing. "I'm sorry, I know that must sound insensitive." I sigh and shake my head.

"No, I'm sorry," I say, gently caressing Sarah's soft skin. "I shouldn't have brought it up, especially not now of all times."

"How about we agree right now," Sarah says, "that no matter what gender we are, we agree that we'll only ever make love to each other?" Sarah holds up her hand in the 'girl love' gesture, which I happily reciprocate.

"Sarah and Nikki forever," I say softly, causing Sarah to smile and snuggle deeper into my nearly-naked body.

We only stay in bed for another ten minutes before we both get dressed again- taking time fix our damaged make-up first, of course. Rather than pull my 'special dress' back on, I settle instead for a button-up denim skirt and a grey t-shirt, leaving my tights and shoes off as my legs still feel so great from the previous week's treatment!

Needless to say, when Beverly returns and sees me wearing different clothing to when she left, she simply gives me a stoic, knowing nod and puts her groceries away.

"It's plainly obvious she knows," Sarah sighs, sitting down next to me on the sofa and wrapping my arm around her. "Though I'm probably going to have to have a REALLY awkward talk with her later tonight."

"Do you regret what we did?" I ask hesitantly. Sarah simply looks at me like I'd just said the most stupid thing in the world.

"No, of course not!" She says, before smiling at me. "I LOVE you, Nikki. That means I want to be with you in every way. Including 'that'. Do- do you regret it?"

"Not at all," I say quietly.

"Has it- has it made you change your mind about May the sixteenth?" Sarah asks with a quiver in her voice. I pause to think- being with Sarah 'as a boy' wasn't all bad. In fact, it was very, very good. But I'm still sat here wearing a skirt, wearing nail polish and make-up and acting 100% feminine. If I was sat here as Nick, I'd still have lost my virginity, but my mind would be occupied with thoughts of Nikki, of being Nikki...

"No," I finally answer. "I still want to be Nikki, for keeps." Sarah grins and holds me tightly.

"I want you to be Nikki as well," she confesses.

That night, as I lay in my bed, my dreams once again take me to the day of my wedding, only this time instead of pristine white wedding dresses, Sarah and I are stood in front of the altar wearing nothing whatsoever. I look down at my own body, but there are no male parts there- only a pair of very real breasts.

"I love you, Nikki," Sarah says, kissing me deeply as my whole body begins to fill with the orgasmic feeling I'd had earlier that day...

That week at school we were the main topic of conversation for virtually everyone. It was no secret that I'd turned sixteen and that Sarah had been sixteen for a while, and every teenager in the building knew what that meant. Of course, we neither confirmed nor denied anything, continuing to sit together and get on with our work like good little students, but every time I caught a glimpse of Sarah's body in her short skirt and dark tights, I'd find myself imagining both the body underneath the uniform and the feeling of being in the uniform. And I knew Sarah wouldn't want it to be any other way.

That Friday, as I told Dr. Williamson about what had happened, she simply nodded and assured me that everything I was feeling was normal. However, it was when I told her about what I planned to do on May the sixteenth that she finally broke into a smile.

"I'm happy for you," she said. "This will be a major step, but I'm sure your parents will accept you for who you truly are- and from what you've told me I'm sure that Sarah already has. I think we have a session the following day- if your parents are able to come in with you, I'll happily explain things to them in further detail, and I can write out a prescription for hormone replacement therapy that same day- if that's what you really want."

"It is," I say hesitantly.

"You don't sound too sure?" Dr. Williamson probes. I simply sigh and sit back in my chair.

"Before I had sex I was 100% sure," I confess, "but now... I don't want to lose Sarah, and if I can't give her what she wants..."

"Is that your main concern?" Dr. Williamson asks.

"Yes," I sigh. "I like sex, I just... NEED to be a girl. Like, if I was told I could either live without sex, or live without being a girl, I'd choose giving up sex in a heartbeat. And I know it sounds silly and childish because I've only done it once, but-"

"I don't think it sounds silly at all," Dr. Williamson interrupts. "I think you've thought this through very carefully. And as for what Sarah wants, you need to talk that through with her and determine exactly what it is that she wants. However, from what you've told me, it sounds like she wants you to stop being male almost as much as you do, right?" Barely keeping my emotions in check, I nod in reply.

"She was the first person I ever told about 'Nikki'," I remind the middle-aged woman.

"And she's been the most supportive person of anyone about your change, right?" Dr. Williamson probes further, and I nod again. "Then it doesn't sound like you have too much to worry about."

And yet I still worried, all throughout the rest of the session. As I left, I took out my mobile phone and sent Sarah a quick text message that simply read 'ILY. Nick'. Within seconds, I had my reply- 'GLF <3'. It took me a few seconds to realise that 'GLF' of course stood for 'girl love forever'. Even when I sign my text messages as 'Nick', it must be 'Nikki' that Sarah replies to. Smiling, I head home, repeating the date 'May the sixteenth' over and over in my head all the way...

My palms are clammy and my breathing is erratic. I'm a bundle of nerves, but that's okay- most of the other people in this room are as well. I'm currently sat in a large hall with 200 other 16 year olds sitting my final GCSE exam- maths, a subject I'm not terrible at but not exactly great at either.

However, that's not why I'm nervous. I promised myself over two months ago that today would be the day on which I stop being a boy. Today would be the day I finally tell my parents that deep down, deep inside, I am girl. A girl trapped inside a boy's body that desperately wants, NEEDS to come out. And yet... I can't do it. Every time I play the scene through in my head, it's like my brain 'crashes'. I say the words, and my parents... freeze. Time itself stops, and as hard as I try, I can't get past that scene. I may be the only person in this hall who secretly wishes that this exam lasts forever.

...And yet I know that wishes simply don't come true. The time runs out, and my paper is collected as I sit back, defeated. When I get outside, Sarah's already there waiting for me. I greet her with a kiss, much to the delight of the other teenagers. Whilst we haven't been having that much sex- only a few times since losing our virginity in March- the rest of the school likes to believe that we've been at it in every free second we've had. Of course, what they don't know is that every time Sarah and I have made love, it's actually been Sarah and Nikki...

"I can't believe this is the last time I'm going to wear this uniform," Sarah says, staring down wistfully at her skirt. "...Are you ready?" I nod, but my nerves are so bad if I say anything I'm afraid I'll vomit all over the floor.

"Do you know what you're going to say?" Sarah asks, clearly concerned by my obvious nerves.

"No," I whisper. "I-I've had two months, but every time I try to think of what to say, nothing just seems good enough..." Sarah simply links her fingers with me as she leads me to her mother's car in the car park.

"Did you watch those videos I sent you, of that Jamie-Lee girl?" Sarah asks.

"Yeah," I whisper in reply. "They helped, but- she's this famous superstar, I'm just a nobody." Sarah grabs my head softly and turns my face to hers.

"You are NOT a nobody," Sarah states firmly. "You are Nikki Thomas, and I love you. No matter what you say to your parents, I'll always be here for you, because I. Love. You. We've brought you a change of clothes and your make-up, so you can start being Nikki immediately when you get home."

"Thanks," I quiver as I sit down in the back seat of Beverly's car alongside the carrier bag that contains said items of clothing.

"How are you feeling?" Beverly asks me as I peek in the bag at the skirt, top & underwear the women brought.

"Terrified," I confess. "I- I don't know what I'm going to say..."

"We'll come in with you," Beverly assures me.

"You- you don't really have to do this if you don't want to," Sarah says softly. I simply shake my head in response- I'm too far into this to back out now.

"I made you promise that you'd force me if I backed out," I say with fake confidence. "Please don't break that promise."

"I won't," Sarah whispers as we pull up at my house and I shakily get out of the car. A wave of nausea hits me as I open my front gate, but with Sarah's help, I'm able to fight it off and open the front door. Thankfully, my parents- both shift workers- are both at home to greet me.

"Welcome home, free man!" Dad jokes as he greets me. "Christ, exams nowadays must be worse than I remember, you look like death! What are Sarah and her mum doing here?"

"Dad..." I whisper hoarsely. "There's- there's something I need to tell you and mum." With my whole body shaking, I lead Sarah and Beverly into the living room, where mum is already waiting for us.

"What is it?" Mum asks, obviously concerned by my serious tone. "Are- are you in trouble? Is Sarah pregnant?"

"No," I hastily reply as my girlfriend holds my hand for support.

"Well you're not eloping, not without our consent," dad interjects, obviously as concerned as mum is.

"Dad," I say sharply, shutting the man up. "What it is... I..." I pause, desperately trying to find the words to say, but none are coming. Sarah squeezes my hand harder, and I decide to throw caution to the wind, saying everything I've wanted to say for the past sixteen years.

"...I'm a transsexual," I say, nearly wetting myself in terror as the words leave my mouth. "I'm a girl trapped in a boy's body. I don't want to be a boy any more, I want to live the rest of my life as a girl." I open my eyes and look at my parents, and it's almost as if time has stood still, just as it had every time I played the scene through in my mind. An eternity passes before dad breaks the silence.

"Okay," he says, obviously in shock at my revelation. "Okay, I- I get what you're saying. This explains the hair, and the body hair, and dating the daughter of a transsexualism expert..."

"I- I don't want you to be angry," I say, desperately trying to get my emotions in check.

"I'm not angry," dad says stoically. "I'm confused... I- I think I need a minute."

"If you have any questions, I'm happy to answer them," Beverly interjects.

"Well yes, because of course you knew long before we did, we're only his parents after all," dad says, anger beginning to creep into his voice. "Or I guess I should start saying 'her' parents?"

"How..." Mum begins to ask, before a sudden wave of clarity sweeps her face. "If you're a girl now, then you need to start looking like a girl!"

"Umm, okay," I say, confused by mum's sudden change in behaviour.

"You can't be a 'girl' without any make-up," mum announces. "I'm taking you out for a make-over! We'll get your nails done with a nice, permanent varnish, get those eyebrows of yours reshaped, the works! Nice, permanent changes that you can't undo. Would you like that?" Confused and elated at the same time, I blurt out the first thing that springs to mind.

"Can Sarah come too?" I ask excitedly, obviously catching mum by surprise.

"...Of course she can!" Mum exclaims with surprise as she grabs her bag and her purse.

"Oh, um, can I change first?" I ask, prompting surprised looks from both mum and dad. "I, um, I have a, um, 'collection' of girls' clothes that I keep at Sarah's house..." I grimace, awaiting the inevitable fallout.

"And you allowed this!?" Dad asks Beverly, anger finally seeping into his voice.

"Believe me, I was as upset as you are when I found out," Beverly explains.

"I doubt it, you're not the one whose child wants to cut his dick off!" Dad interrupts, earning himself stern stares from both Sarah and myself.

"This wasn't easy for me!" I cry out frustratedly. "I've had to live my whole life as something I'm not! Every day pretending to be interested in the stuff I'm supposed to be interested in, wearing clothes I hate, acting in a way that feels stupid to me, when all I wanted to be was a girl, do girly things, wear girly clothes! And you're sitting there making jokes, acting like I'm sort of freak!"

"I never said you were a freak," dad says, trying futilely to defuse the situation.

"I almost made myself sick with nerves before telling you this!" I wail, tears streaming down my face. "Why can't you just accept that this is what I want?" The room falls silent, shocked by my outburst.

"...Is that your 'girl' voice?" Mum asks, breaking the silence. I stare in confusion for a second before realising that throughout my rant, my voice had gradually risen higher and higher until I found myself talking in the voice I always use when 'being Nikki'.

"Um, I guess," I say, continuing to use the voice that now comes so naturally to me.

"I can accept," dad says, solemnly nodding his head. "I don't think I'll ever understand why you're doing this, but I'm your father, and I can certainly accept your decision, provided that this is what you truly, truly want."

"It is," I sniffle. "It really, really is."

"...Then I guess I have a daughter," dad says, coming over and awkwardly giving me a hug.

"What do you want us to call you?" Mum asks, awkwardly joining in the hug.

"Nikki," I mumble.

"Short for Nicola or Nicole?" Mum asks, making me giggle for the first time since setting foot in my house. "What's so funny?"

"You know, I never really thought about that," I say, wiping tears from my eyes. "Nicola. Nicola, Christine, Thomas."

"Well, at least you're keeping one boy's name, even if it is only your surname," dad jokes. "I'm still not happy about the clothes thing, but I guess it means we don't have to fork out hundreds of pounds buying you a whole new wardrobe if you already have one, so there's that." I laugh again at dad's flippancy.

"I want to get rid of all my boy's clothes," I say firmly. "I want to start from scratch, as Nikki." Mum and dad both nod, to my intense relief.

"I'll fire up the car, we'll pick up your clothes from Sarah's house," dad says. "You're coming too, just the two of us."

"But... the makeover..." I pout.

"You've got three whole months before college for that," mum says firmly. "And I was just testing, to see whether or not you were being genuine about what you said, and you clearly are. And your dad obviously needs time alone with you."

"Okay," I whisper as I follow dad out to the car. After he starts the engine, he rests his head on the steering wheel, clearly overwhelmed by the day's events.

"Dad," I say softly, "are- are you okay?"

"No," the older man confesses, to my dismay. "No I'm not. But it's not about me. Sixteen years ago I made a promise that I'd never do anything to hurt you. Does being a boy hurt you?" I pause for a second as I contemplate my answer.

"Emotionally, yes," I reply. "Every time I dressed up I'd get depressed when it came time to stop."

"Whether you're my son or my daughter, you're still my child," dad explains. "And whether you're my son or my daughter, I love you all the same. After today, you'll never have to stop being who you want to be." Tears flow from my eyes again, and it's all I can do to stop myself from hugging dad right then and there.

"Thanks," I whisper.

"I'll always support you," dad reassures me. "I refuse to end up like one of those scumbags you see on Jeremy Kyle!"

I try to explain myself further to dad on the drive to Sarah's house. Whilst it's clear that he'll always be confused by my decision- and upset that I went behind his back- by the time I arrive at the house and let myself in (using Sarah's own keys), he's all but ready to accept me as his daughter. Whilst dad rummages through the kitchen for some bin liners to carry the clothes home in, I take the opportunity to change out of my boy clothes for the very last time. Sighing happily, I strip naked and slide a brand-new pink thong up my legs before clipping a cotton bra behind my back, stuffing the cups with my breast forms. I pull on a knee-length pleated skirt, a white t-shirt and a comfortable pair of flats before brushing my hair out and applying a light layer of make-up to my face. As I sit in front of the mirror, staring at the 'new me', I'm amazed at my own transformation. When I started 'being Nikki', dressing up like this made me excited, like it was something new and exotic. But sat here today, I just feel... at home. Comfortable, like this was the way I was always meant to be.

"Nick," dad calls from downstairs. "I've found them, do you want to- woah," dad pauses as he sees me descend the stairs in all my feminine glory.

"Guess I'm going to have to get used to this sight," dad states stoically, handing me the roll of black bin bags. "And this... All this... Is it even comfortable?"

"More comfortable than I've ever been in my life," I say honestly. "Everything about it feels so right. Everything."

"And where the hell did they come from?" Dad asks, pointing at my breasts.

"The internet," I reply with a smirk, causing dad to laugh.

"Of course they did," dad sighs. "Get everything bagged and down to me, then we can go home. I'm assuming you don't have any girl's nightwear?"

"Nope," I answer as I bag all my clothes- no longer 'Nikki's' clothes, simply 'my' clothes- leaving the now-ownerless school uniform for last.

"Guess we're going to have to go shopping after all then," dad muses, eliciting a girlish giggle from me as I bring the final bag downstairs.

"Today is going to go down as possibly the most surreal day of my life," dad complains as I elegantly slide into the passenger seat of his car.

"It's not exactly normal for me either," I remind him.

"I'm guessing most of the £250 we gave you for your birthday went on clothes?" Dad asks, probably already knowing the answer.

"Yep," I confirm happily. "Still got some of it left."

"Good," dad sighs. "We're going to stop off at Primark, you're going to pick out a nightdress, then we're going to go home and have a long talk about where we go from here. Would I be right in assuming that this isn't going to be your first time dressed out in public?"

"You would indeed be right," I say, eliciting another sigh from dad as we head toward the nearest public car park.

We arrive home just after 3:30pm- Sarah and Beverly are still at our house, and the former greets me with a big hug when she sees me in 'Nikki mode'.

"Oh my god oh my god oh my god!!!!" Sarah exclaims, bouncing up and down as she clings to me. "I'm so proud of you!" Mum is next to address me- this is, after all, the first time she's ever met 'Nikki'.

"You really are a beautiful young woman," mum says with genuine emotion in her voice, before giving me a big hug of her own.

"I still can't believe I've really done it," I say as I sit down on our sofa, tucking my hairless legs underneath me. "You know, 'come out', 'become Nikki'." I pause before asking my next question. "If I'd done this when I was 12 or 13... Would you have accepted me?"

"Of course we would," mum says, making me sigh sadly.

"We'd have questioned whether or not it was what you truly wanted," dad explains. "More so than now as now you've obviously had a lot of time to think about it."

"The real question is," mum asks, turning her attention to Beverly, "what do we do now?"

"Nikki, when's your next counsellor's appointment?" Beverly asks me, earning a confused look from dad.

"Tomorrow," I answer. "I saw Doctor Clarke about this last summer," I explain to dad. "He referred me to a specialist who's been helping me out a lot."

"Well that does make sense," dad muses. "I'm just wondering why Beverly here couldn't be your counsellor."

"Nikki's my daughter's girlfriend," Beverly explains. "I'm too close, I can't be professionally detached."

"'Daughter's girlfriend'," dad repeats with a chuckle. "So, I guess you're also telling me that you're a lesbian?"

"Consider this my second coming out," I shrug, making Sarah giggle happily and dad roll his eyes. "Dr. Williamson said that she can write me a prescription for hormones tomorrow, if I wanted."

"Whoa," dad interrupts. "Once- once you start on hormones, that's a one-way trip, isn't it?"

"The changes can be reversed," Beverly explains, "but not easily and certainly not fully once she's passed a certain point."

"I don't just want to pass that 'point of no return'," I say firmly. "I want to charge past it. I want to put it so far behind me that I can't even see it anymore."

"I suppose if the counsellor said she'd write a prescription, then she must obviously feel it's necessary," mum rationalises.

"It is," I insist. "I want this more than I've ever wanted anything." Dad quietly nods his head.

"I guess-" he stutters, "I guess I just thought that whilst it was just you dressing up it was a whim, but if you're going to be changing yourself physically... I said I'd accept your decision no matter what, and I stand by what I said."

We spend the next few hours discussing the path my life would take. I'm so grateful that Beverly was on hand to detail exactly the steps that would be taken. Changing my name would be easy- now I'm sixteen, I can just do that myself- attaining new documentation that shows me as female (such as a passport) would have to wait until official paperwork confirming my gender change came through, and that could take anywhere up to two years. Immediate changes, such as wardrobe needs, would be dealt with on a case-by-case basis (such as my new nightie). It's only late in the evening, when I'm packing my clothes away (with Sarah's help) that the gravity of the situation dawns on me.

"This still just seems so unreal," I breathe as I hurl my old boy's briefs and shorts into a bin liner, carefully refilling the drawer with my delicate bras, thongs and panties. "I mean, I don't have to change back. Now, I can be Nikki forever."

"I really, really am proud of you, Nikki," Sarah says, giving me a warm hug. "Or should I say 'Nicola'?"

"I still prefer 'Nikki'," I giggle as I fold away my tops and bodysuits. "Thank you so much for everything. I couldn't have done any of this without you. I love you so, so much, Sarah."

"Girl love forever," Sarah says as we link our hands in our special way and share a single tender kiss. "I see you saved the best 'till last," Sarah muses as she takes my birthday dress out of its individual wrapper and holds it up against her own body. "I can see why you loved this one most of all. It's out there, in-your-face, unafraid to say anything or be whatever it wanted to be. It's everything you were afraid to do. WERE afraid." I smile and strip off my skirt and top, carefully depositing them in my laundry basket, before stepping into the dress and allowing Sarah to fasten it shut.

"Beautiful," Sarah mouths, gently kissing my neck. "You know, this is what you were wearing when we first made love..."

"Yeah, but you WEREN'T wearing your school uniform," I tease back.

"No, but YOU were when we had our first kiss," Sarah reminds me, kissing me softly on the lips. "I'm so excited for you! This big adventure of yours..."

"This big adventure of OURS," I correct my girlfriend, linking fingers with her. "Girl love forever and ever and ever!" Sarah gives me one final hug before helping me out of my dress and into my new nightie and pink dressing gown. I see Sarah and Beverly off with hugs- even one for Beverly- before head to bed, exhausted from the day's exertions. I'm quickly asleep, but once again, in my dreams, I'm stood inside the church, wearing a pristine white wedding dress. I look around the church, desperate to see a friendly face, but I'm all alone. Scared, I turn around, desperately calling out for someone, anyone to hear me, but no one will hear answer my calls. I begin to fall down a deep well of despair when I feel a finger tap on my shoulder. I turn around quickly and stare deep into the grinning face of my new bride.

"I now pronounce you wife and wife," the minister says to a cheering church. "You may kiss the bride!" Grinning, I kiss Sarah deeply before linking hands with her and eagerly running out of the church to start our new lives, our dresses billowing with every step we take...

I wake up to an unfamiliar sensation, almost like my shorts had bunched up tight during the night, I reach down to unpick them, only to be stopped by a piece of fabric, almost like I'd worn a dress to bed. As I lift the dress, discovering my thong still in place from last night, yesterday's events come flooding back to me. Smiling at the sight of bottles of nail polish on my bedside table, cosmetics on top of my chest of drawers, and yesterday's bra (still containing my breast forms) on the floor, I swing my smooth legs out of bed, pull on my dressing down and head downstairs.

"Typical teenage girl," dad jokes as he sees me pad across the floor and slump onto the sofa. "Always sleeps in later than everyone else. How are you feeling, Nikki?"

"Good," I answer honestly. "Better than I've done in a long, long time."

"Big day today!" Mum announces, bringing my breakfast through to me. "Is my special girl ready?" Even though I know they're doing it deliberately to get sued to it, the sound of my parents' voices addressing me as 'girl' brings a smile to my face every time.

"I think I know what I'm going to wear," I say. "I just- I just want to thank you both so much..."

"There's NOTHING to thank us for," mum reassures me, grabbing my hand supportively. "We're your parents, we love you, and we'll support whatever decisions you make. If I have say this a thousand times before it finally sinks in, I'll say it a thousand times."

"Thank-" I begin, before mum's stern gaze cuts me off. "Okay." I grin widely as I finish my breakfast and head upstairs to get ready.

"Oh crap," dad says, eliciting bemused stares from myself and my mother. "Now we've got a teenaged girl in the house, I'll never get in the bathroom first!" I giggle as I run upstairs and lock myself in the bathroom before dad has the chance to catch me!

Once in the bathroom, I shower thoroughly and apply some of the feminine deodorant I bought during yesterday's shopping trip. Using one of the razors dad had bought me- intending for me to use it on my face- I whip off any stray leg and arm hairs, and thoroughly brush my hair out into my favourite loose style. Heading back into my room, I pick out a fresh bra and panties for the day, slipping them on and filling in the bra cups with my breast forms. Heading over to my drawers, I glance inside at the clothes of my new life and smile happily. The drawers aren't full by any stretch of the imagination, but there's enough in there to keep me going at least through the summer. Before dressing, I take the time to paint my toenails with my glossy black nail polish, before applying my make-up for the day. I go with a subtle eye shadow, but opt for red lipstick- I want everyone who sees me today to get the message that I am 100% female, and that's the way I'm going to stay.

Having finished with my cosmetics, I pick my poshest skirt out of my drawer- a black, knee-length pencil skirt- and slowly ease my way into it, loving the feeling of it hugging my body close as I zip it closed. I follow up with a smart-casual blue short-sleeved top, before grabbing my purse (previously only used as an accessory, now an everyday essential), slipping my feet into a pair of strappy flat sandals I bought especially for the summer, and heading downstairs to where my parents await me.

"Wow," mum breathes as she sees me elegantly descend the stairs. "You truly, truly do look beautiful. Any family would be proud to have you as their daughter." I smile and blink twice, desperate not to cry out of fear of ruining my make-up!

"Thanks," I say with a quivering voice. "I'm ready to do this." Dad, a big but not entirely sincere smile plastered on his face, nods and leads us out to the car.

Needless to say, when we arrive at Dr. Williamson's office and she sees my clothes and my companions, she has a broad smile on her face.

"Nikki!" My counsellor exclaims happily. "You told them! And I'm guessing by the fact that they're both here, and you're dressed the way you are, that I was right and it all went well?"

"Better than I could ever have dreamed," I reply, sitting down between my parents on the doctor's chairs.

"It came as a bit of a shock, I will admit," dad says, introducing himself and mum to Dr. Williamson.

"That's perfectly understandable," Dr. Williamson reassures. "This is probably the biggest step on Nikki's journey to becoming who she wants to be. You yourselves will probably have lots of questions, and I'm happy to answer any that you may have."

"There is one thing," dad says seriously.

"Name it," Dr. Williamson replies.

"The transsexualism diagnosis..." Dad begins, hesitantly. "...I want it in writing, so that if anyone asks, I can point to it and say 'yes, this is a real thing'." I look up at dad, a mixture of confusion and mild offence on my face.

"I'm thinking mostly of your grandparents," dad explains. "If this has overwhelmed me god only knows what they'll say, you know how old-fashioned they are when it comes to civil rights." Dr. Williamson can't help but suppress a giggle at this.

"Something funny?" Dad asks, prompting Dr. Williamson to look in my direction. Blushing slightly, I nod my approval of what the doctor clearly wants to say.

"Nikki said the same thing about you in many of our discussions," Dr. Williamson reveals, causing me to cringe in my seat.

"Oh really?" Dad asks, looking in my direction with fake offence plastered all over his face. "I'll have you know, young lady, that your mother and I are both children of the eighties, so we know a thing or two about being tolerant of 'alternative lifestyles'!" Mum laughs at dad's joke and calmingly take a hold of my arm.

"You do know we met at an Erasure gig, right?" Mum reminds me. "Your dad wouldn't have been within 50 miles of that gig if he was as big a homophobe as you make out!"

"Yeah, give a little respect to me!" Dad jokes, causing the adults in the room to laugh at their little in-joke.

"In all seriousness," Dr. Williamson says, "I am pleased that you've finally taken this first step. And yes, as per my agreement, in addition to the diagnosis your father asked for, I'm happy to start you on hormone replacement therapy immediately, if that's what you truly want."

"Yes," I say instantly. "It is, definitely." Dr. Williamson smiles and nods, typing into her computer. Five minutes later, I have in my hand a piece of paper with my name at the top and a prescription for progesterone and oestrogen pills at the bottom.

My parents spend the rest of the meeting grilling Dr. Williamson, asking questions they'd already asked Beverly the day before and getting the exact same answers. Once my parents leave the meeting, satisfied that my counsellor is only an email away if they have any further queries, they act noticeably less tense than they had been for the previous 24 hours.

"I've got to get to work," dad sighs as he starts the car. "Nikki- will you be okay today?"

"I'll be fine," I say with a smile on my red lips. "Better than fine!" I immediately pull out my mobile phone are start composing a text message.

"Straight to her phone, as if we had any doubt that she's really a girl," dad jokes, making me and mum both chuckle.

"Who are you texting?" Mum enquires.

"Sarah," I answer. "Hopefully she's free, I really, really want to see her today, if just to show her this!" I happily hold up the prescription that I'm eager to hand in at the pharmacist. Mum smiles, clearly happy at how happy I seem.

And I am. The last 24 hours have been like a tornado, tearing my old life to pieces but unlike a tornado, rebuilding it much better than it had been before. As I finish my text message, I run a hand over the smooth, stretchy material of my skirt and stare down at my darkened toenails. Every time I'd do this in the past, there'd always be a part of me inside that knew that eventually, I'd have to give this up, even if it was just for a week. Not any more. 'Boring old Nick' is gone for good, and 'gorgeous, girly Nikki' is here to stay.

Unsurprisingly, when we arrive home, Sarah's already waiting for me on my front doorstep, where she eagerly bounces over to me, greeting me with a hug and a quick kiss.

"Oh my god, you look SO GREAT!" Sarah enthuses as she grabs my hand and leads me into my house. "Though what have you done to your fingernails?" I stare at them, confused.

"I haven't done anything," I explain.

"EXACTLY!" Sarah says with a broad grin. "Let's get some colour on them quick! And you're going to HAVE to remind me where we got that skirt!" Almost melting with happiness as my parents look on approvingly, I follow Sarah up to my room where we spend the rest of the afternoon immersed in my nail polish collection...

Four days later, I'm stood in my living room with my parents, Sarah and Beverly looking on expectantly. I'm wearing a plain pink sundress and a pair of ordinary flip-flops. My toenails are still painted black, and my fingernails and lips are painted a matching fuchsia colour. But what's most important is what's in my hands. In my left hand is a glass of water, and in my right hand, the hormone pills I've so desperately craved for my whole life. Almost unable to swallow out of nerves and elation, I place the pills on my tongue and swiftly down them with a gulp of water. Almost immediately as I show the room my empty mouth, Sarah jumps out of her seat and hugs me tightly, closely followed by my parents.

"I'm so proud of you," mum says with tears in her eyes. "My beautiful, perfect daughter."

"God, this should not be this hard," I complain as I sit in front of my dresser, staring at my anxious (but impeccably made-up) reflection.

"You've taken bigger steps that this before, much bigger steps," Sarah reminds me, wrapping her arms around my shaking body. And she's right- I have.

Ever since coming out to my parents two weeks ago I've been practically shouting my new gender from the rooftops. My Facebook profile page has been suitably altered with photos of Nikki taking pride of place and photos of Nick being consigned to history. My friends were... Shocked, to say the least. There was a lot of teasing- some of it quite unpleasant, at first- but once it became clear that I was being deadly serious I began receiving near-universal support (Sarah threatening to kick ass helped, too!). Yes, I lost a few friends as a result of coming out. But frankly, anybody who can't accept me for who I truly am doesn't deserve to call themselves my friend. A lot of people have helped out by sending me links to transgender help pages and interviews with famous TG people, like Jamie-Lee Burke.

My bedroom's changed dramatically- it's now painted in a warm fuchsia colour, with additional wardrobe and drawer space for clothes, and a large dressing table on which I can do my make-up every morning (dad got that first and assembled it the same day, saying he didn't want to have to wait to use the bathroom!). I've been adding clothes and cosmetics too, but only on an as-needed basis. The black denim skirt and pink tank top I'm wearing now were part of my original 'collection' brought from Sarah's house, as is the dark nail polish on all twenty of my nails.

Obviously, I've been diligently following my hormone replacement schedule. I've been told not to expect instant results- it's not a simple case of 'if you could take a pill tomorrow that turns you into a girl', but by the time I start college in September I should start to see subtle changes in my body, changes that are taking agonisingly long to make themselves known.

But fortunately, through all of this upheaval, I still have my parents. Every day, the parent-daughter relationship comes more and more naturally to all three of us. Even though the summer's getting hotter with every day that passes, I'm still getting told off every time I try to go outside in a skirt or shorts that dad deems to short, and mum's told me off for excessive make-up on more than one occasion- but then again, she's asked me for make-up tips more than once, too!

Most importantly of all, however, I still have Sarah. She is truly my rock, and whilst our sexual activities have, if anything, dwindled, we're spending more and more time together, especially over our three-month summer holiday. Sarah and Beverly are off abroad on holiday again this year- a week in Greece this time- but fortunately it's not until the end of July, giving me plenty of 'Sarah time' until we're separated for that week.

"Nikki!" Dad calls from downstairs, startling me and sending my nerves into overdrive.

"Oh god," I whimper, sniffing back tears.

"Remember!" Sarah says, cradling my head in her hands. "You are Nicola Thomas. The law says so. Your doctors say so. Your parents say so, I say so, and most importantly of all, YOU say so. So go down there, hold your head high and force them to recognise you as such!" Still shaking with nerves, I nod and slowly descend the stairs into the living room, where my parents, and more notably, THEIR parents are all waiting for me.

"Hi nanna, granddad," I say nervously, waving at the four pensioners sat in my living room.

"No," granddad Steven- my father's father- growls angrily. "I'm not taking this! Come on Irene, we're leaving!" Before I can say a word in protest, the elderly couple storm out of the house, clamming the front door and not even acknowledging me with a backward glance as they do so. Devastated, I turn to my two remaining grandparents, desperate for their approval.

"Nanna Jean?" I ask, my terror apparent in my voice. "Granddad Bill?" Much to my dismay, my grandfather simply shakes his head and look away, the sight of me clearly so offensive that it's causing him actual pain.

"Nick," nanna says dejectedly, "why have you done this to yourself?"

"It- it's who I really am," I explain.

"But you were such a handsome young boy," nanna complains, seemingly unable or unwilling to consider my feelings. "Won't you just stop this all and turn back into a boy?" With tears in my eyes, I shake my head.

"I'm not a boy," I whimper. "I'm a girl." Granddad Bill- clearly badly hurt by my decision- simply shakes his head again and stands up, deliberately directing his gaze away from me.

"I think we should leave too," he says, taking his wife's hand and leaving the house, though less dramatically than my other grandparents had. Stunned, I stand in the middle of the living room, my heart reeling from the rejection.

"Nikki," mum says comfortingly, wrapping me in a tight, motherly hug and allowing me to bawl my eyes out into her shoulder.

"Sarah!" Dad yells. "Get down here!" Almost instantly, my girlfriend is by my side, leading me to the sofa and holding me tight, not letting go until the pain subsides...

Thirty minutes pass, and I don't move from my seat on the sofa. I've stopped crying, but my perfect girl's life has hit its first major snag, and it feels like I've been hit by a wrecking ball.

"Am- am I really that-" I ask, my voice still quivering and interrupted with sobs.

"NO!" Sarah says angrily, cutting me off before I can finish my sentence.

"Unless you were going to say 'am I really that beautiful and wonderful', then the answer is no," mum says in agreement.

"They'll come round," dad reassures me. "This is a lot for them to take in but they're not idiots, they're not completely shut off from the world and they know that people like- people in your-" Dad stutters, trying to find a way to finish his sentence that won't cause me undue offence.

"What your dad's trying to say is that you are a perfectly normal girl," mum says, even though I know she's not 100% sincere with what she's saying.

"We all know I'm not," I whisper. "But I appreciate what you're trying to say."

"'Trying' being the operative word," dad jokes, placing a loving arm around me. "I've got used to the idea of having a daughter. And you know what? I love having a daughter. And they'll grow to love having a granddaughter. It just probably came as too big a shock for them to take in in one go."

"I think someone could use some pampering to cheer herself up," mum says with a smile. "Didn't you say that you had plans with Sarah today?"

"It's nothing we can't put off, if you're not feeling up to it," Sarah says softly, linking her fingers with mine.

"No," I say defiantly. "You know what? Some pampering sounds really, really good right now." Sarah grins and gives me a big, tight hug, cheekily playing with my bra strap out of sight of my parents!

An hour later, I'm sat on a reclining chair in a sterile room, anxiously awaiting my 'treatment'. Sarah's sat beside my chair, holding my hand supportively.

"You will feel a short, sharp pain," the man who'll be conducting my 'treatment' explains. "It won't last long." I nod as the man rubs an antiseptic swab over my earlobe, then positions his scary-looking contraption over the body part and squeezes it shut. I'm slightly startled by the sensation of the sharp metal entering my body, but once it's in place it begins to feel normal, even welcome. Within 30 seconds my other earlobe receives the same treatment, and I've given a mirror to inspect the new gold studs in my ears.

"You may experience some bleeding," the piercer explains. "It'll stop within a few days. If it persists, consult a doctor, but I highly doubt you have any problems."

"Cool," I say, still grinning widely at my earrings.

"Now, the other thing we discussed?" Sarah asks, smiling wickedly and forcibly taking my place in the chair!

"If you're 100% sure," the piercer advises, at which Sarah nods eagerly, lifting her top. Less than a minute later, my girlfriend has a gold stud poking through the top of her navel!

"I've got enough money for you if you want one too," Sarah tells me with a coy smile. I hesitate a little- it's one things to get my ears pierced, but this could get me in a LOT of trouble... Then again, I am sixteen, legally I can choose what I do with my body...

I mirror Sarah's devilish grin and playfully shove her out of the chair, sitting down and lifting my top. Within seconds, the piercer has swabbed my navel with his antiseptic wipe and pushed a brand-new sterile needle through it before fitting it with a gold stud of its very own.

"Aww, you are the best girlfriend ever!" Sarah says, giving me a tight hug.

"Mind the belly!" I warn, not wanting my new, sensitive piercing to get any pressure on it.

"Those will be sensitive for a bit longer," the piercer advises, clearly entertained by the presence of two excitable teenaged girls.

"One last thing," I ask the piercer, "could you get a photo of the two of us, please?" The piercer laughs and nods, taking Sarah's smartphone and photographing the two of us with our tops lifted, showing off our new bejeweled bellies.

"You are going to get in soooo much trouble," Sarah teases as we enter her house.

"Whatever," I say dismissively. "I already avoided a bollocking for wearing thongs, and those hot pants we got last September. It's my body, I get to decide what to do with it. And in fairness, it's not like it's the most extreme thing I plan on doing with my body..."

"Very true," Sarah says, surprising me with a quick kiss. "You know, we DO have the house to ourselves, mum isn't due back until after 5..." I grin widely as I immediately cotton on to what Sarah's implying, and we soon find ourselves in her bedroom, stripping each other off...

Twenty minutes later, our bodies still tingling, we head downstairs, Sarah carrying her laptop.

"What was it you so badly needed to show me that ISN'T a part of your body?" I ask, playfully grabbing a handful of Sarah's soft buttock.

"Do you remember when you first tried on my gymnastics leotard?" Sarah asks. "I mentioned that I'd stopped doing ballet some years ago, but I'd be willing to start again if you'd come with me? I've been thinking about it long and hard-" Sarah playfully probes a hand underneath my skirt as she says this, making us both giggle- "and I've found a new studio that's opened that caters for adult beginners. What do you think?" Whilst the idea of being a ballerina is, understandably, exciting, a part of me is apprehensive- I'm not much of a performer, not by a long stretch. Sarah, however, is more than comfortable in front of an audience, as her time on the school's gymnastics team more than proved.

"I dunno," I say, to my girlfriend's clear disappointment. "I'd kinda feel silly dancing around like a little kid."

"I did say ADULT beginners," Sarah repeats firmly. "If anything we'd probably be the youngest there. And we wouldn't be wearing big, pink frilly tutus either, the dress code simply says a black leotard or tank top and any colour tights or leggings with a black dance skirt on top. It'd be a good way to get fit AND improve your posture at the same time."

"How much would it cost?" I ask, warming to Sarah's idea.

"Not much at all, much less than you're making from your paper round," Sarah says with a smile. "And we can go along for a free taster lesson to see whether or not we like it." I roll my eyes and smile- Sarah's clearly got her heart set on this. She must have been missing her gymnastics team more than I thought...

"And you're happy learning everything again from scratch?" I ask.

"As long as I'm learning it with you, I'm more than happy," Sarah says, giving me a soft, loving kiss.

"Then I guess we're both ballerina girlfriends," I say with a smile, causing Sarah to cheer and give me a long, tight hug.

Three days later, Beverly drops us off at the door of the ballet studio, the two of us dressed identically in black spaghetti-strapped leotards over tight black leggings, with flimsy dance skirts preserving our modesty. Our hair is scraped back into severe ponytails, and on our feet are leather dancing shoes. I'm not wearing my breast forms today- they'd just get in the way, more than anything- but the leotard I'm wearing does have a pinched front, giving the illusion of a tiny amount of cleavage.

"I... feel silly," I confess to Sarah as we ring the doorbell.

"GOOD," Sarah says, poking her tongue out at me. "Embrace that feeling, the more you let yourself go the more fun you'll have!" We're quickly buzzed into the building, where we come face-to-face with our dance teacher- and she's nothing like what I was expecting.

"Hi!" The young, tall- at 5' 8", even taller than me- blonde woman greets us with a warm smile. "You must me Nikki and Sarah, I've been dying to meet you both!"

"...And you're Miss Fullerton?" Sarah asks, clearly taken aback by the teacher's warm, friendly approach.

"Oh please," Miss Fullerton says dismissively. "My 6 year old students call me 'Miss Fullerton', you can call me Krystie."

"Nice to meet you, Krystie," I say, daintily shaking the elegant woman's hand. "I'm Nikki, this is Sarah. I... I take it you understand about my... 'situation'?"

"If by 'situation' you mean 'some people think that you're not really a girl', then yes," Krystie explains. "But whatever! You're here to dance, and if you say you're a girl, who am I to disagree?" Both Sarah and I grin widely as we follow Krystie into the studio where the other new students are waiting for us. As Sarah promised, we're by far the youngest there- most of the other women are in their later twenties or early thirties, with a few even older than that.

The lesson passes off very smoothly. Krystie is obviously an excellent teacher, keeping the lesson moving but not pushing us harder than we're capable of going, and at the end of the hour of exercises I feel ready to do the whole thing over again! I'm especially pleased when Krystie comes up to myself and Sarah afterwards, complimenting us on our performance.

"You two were so good!" Krystie says with a wide smile on her face. "Are you sure you've never taken ballet before?"

"...Only when I was very young," Sarah confesses. "Not for several years now."

"...Very first ever lesson," I say with a confident smile.

"Well you are seriously very good," Krystie continues. "I reckon you could even be ready for pointe in less than 18 months if you keep at it, maybe even dance on stage!" Sarah and I both giggle at our new teacher's positive remarks. "On a related note, have the two of you ever considered modelling, either as a career or maybe a side job whilst at college?"

"I dunno," I say, shaking my head. "Isn't 'transsexual model' a bit of a cliché?"

"Hey!" Krystie says with mock-hurt. "One of my very best friends is a transsexual model, and she's no cliché! Seriously, I'm a model myself, and I know potential when I see it. I can give you the details of my agent, he has several under-18s on his books and he'd be happy to talk to you and your parents about any work he can send your way. Just... think it over." With that, Krystie has hastily scribbled down a mobile phone number and a web address on a piece of paper and sent us on our way, considering the new opportunities life seems to keep thrusting into our hands.

I arrive home full of optimism, eager to study the literature Krystie gave me as part of the 'welcome pack'. When I see my parents' faces, however, my own face drops.

"Nikki," dad says softly. "Could you sit down, please?"

"Wh-what's happened?" I ask, my anxiety increasing rapidly.

"Your mother and I..." Dad begins, causing several worse-case scenarios to run through my mind. ...Are getting a divorce? ...Have decided I should stop being a girl? ...Are forbidding you from seeing Sarah ever again?

"...We're being investigated by social services," mum says with a heavy heart.

"What!?" I ask incredulously.

"My parents- your grandparents- called them," dad explains. "Apparently they feel we're unfit parents for allowing you to live your life the way you want to live it, and feel that we're somehow endangering you."

"You're not endangering me," I retort, my volume raising with anger, "you're empowering me! I've never felt as happy as I've been these last few weeks! And to prove it-" I withdraw Krystie's agent's card from my 'welcome pack'- "I got a job offer today from a modelling agency!" Mum smiles at this unexpected turn of events.

"Nikki!" Mum says with clear delight in her voice. "That's amazing news!"

"Are you allowed to sign with an agency if you're under 18?" Dad asks, clearly eager for some good news after his earlier bad news.

"Well..." I confess, realising I'd got carried away with myself. "It's not actually a job 'offer', but my ballet teacher is also a model and says she can get me- us- an interview with her agent if we'd like."

"...And would you like that, Nikki?" Mum asks sincerely.

"...You know, I don't know," I confess. "I mean, it would be good money, and I have modelled before- for Sarah..."

"Don't make any quick decisions," dad advises. "Especially if we're going to have a visit from social services, what we need is to show that all three of us are acting calmly and putting a lot of thought into everything we do." I nod- once again, dad has hit the nail on the head.

"Anyway, that's enough about that," mum says with an eager smile. "Tell me about ballet! It's been years since I was last in a dance studio, what did you learn?"

"Yeah," dad agrees, "come on, twinkle toes! You're wearing your costume, show us a couple of steps!" I roll my eyes and describe my lesson to my parents, trying to focus on the positive in my life, but at the back of my mind, the impending visit from social services has me worried. And more than just that- it has me ANGRY.

I barely sleep that night- whilst dad's right in that social services almost certainly don't have any case to investigate- everything I've done has been legal and backed up by registered doctors and counsellors- there's this doubt at the back of my mind that says I may very soon end up living with a different family- or worse yet, be forced back into the life I hated by my grandparents. The only thing worse than someone trying to force you to do something you don't want to do is when they truly believe it's for your own good...

The following day I rise early- earning myself much teasing from dad- and carefully pick my look for the day. After pulling on my favourite bra and thong, I carefully pin my hair back, exposing my new earrings, and apply a moderately thick layer of make-up- thick mascara and eyeliner, but pale silver eye shadow and pink lipstick. I redo my nails in a dark pink, and pick out the day's outfit- a knee-length dungaree-style dress with a white crop top underneath. After pulling on a pair of thin black tights and my new 2.5" heeled ankle booties, I grab my bag and head downstairs.

"Looking good, Nikki!" Mum compliments me as I head straight for the front door.

"Where are you going this early?" Dad asks, previously amused but now obviously concerned by my early start.

"Out," I say. "Sarah's."

"No, there's no way you're both up this early," dad says, getting up and blocking me from leaving the house. "You're going to your grandparents', aren't you?" Knowing I've been defeated, I put on my best pout.

"They need to see that this is what I need!" I whine, nearly stamping my feet in frustration.

"And they will," dad reassures me, placing calming hands on my shoulders. "You need to give them time. So what if social services come round? They'll see two loving parents and their beautiful teenaged daughter living normal, happy lives." I sigh- I know everything dad says is right, but I can't help this burning desire I feel to right this wrong in my life.

"Sit down, take a deep breath," dad says, parking me on the sofa as mum hands me a much-needed cup of tea. "We will get through this. We will still be a family. I promise." I sniffle as I sip my tea.

"Is it really too much to ask for," I whine self-pityingly, "to have grandparents who love me for who I am?" Seeing I'm hurting inside, mum sits down beside me and gives me a long, comforting hug.

"No, of course it isn't!" Mum says firmly. "This has really got you wound up, hasn't it?"

"Uh-huh," I moan, still sniffling.

"Try to focus on the positives in your life," dad advises. "And you've got so many! You've got Sarah, you've got us, you're off to college in September, you've got your ballet, hell, you've even got a job offer!" I smile as I remember the scrap of paper Krystie all but forced into my hands yesterday.

"That's more like it," dad says at the sight of my grin. "So now that you're not going to do anything silly, what do you want to do today?" I grin as I remember an offer made on the day of my coming out.

"I believe I'm still owed a make-over?" I cheekily ask my mother, who simply laughs and hugs me again.

"After all you've been through, you deserve one," mum concedes. "And yes, Sarah can come too!"

Later that afternoon, I step out of the beauty salon feeling like a whole new woman. As promised, my eyebrows have been reshaped from their usual furry mess into chic, sleek arches, my nails have been shaped and polished to perfection with a long-lasting pink-purple varnish that isn't coming off any time soon, and my hair has been restyled to give it much more volume, and with it a cute bounce with every step I take. My legs have been waxed smooth, giving them a glossy shine even when completely bare. Naturally, Sarah has received the same treatment, and is looking as beautiful as I've ever seen her. And, of course, mum couldn't resist treating herself to the same treatments as well!

"You know," I say, squeezing Sarah's hand on the car ride home," I really do feel like I could be a fashion model. It’s like- and I know this is silly- before I wanted to be a girl. Now, I want to be a WOMAN."

"I can DEFINITELY agree with that," Sarah says, linking hands with me in our 'special gesture'. "Woman love forever!"

"For ever and ever," I say with a smile, giving Sarah a quick kiss and earning us both a reprimand from mum! Yeah, not everything's perfect in my life, but dad's right- in the few weeks I've lived full-time as Nikki, so many things have gone right, so many doors have been opened for me and so many opportunities lie at my feet. I have so many positives to focus on- it makes no sense to focus on the negatives. I WILL, with Sarah and my parents' help, overcome any obstacle placed in my way, because I AM a strong, smart woman. I am Nikki. Hear me roar!

THREE MONTHS LATER

“Stop being so nervous!” Dad admonishes me as I nearly hyperventilate on the back seat of his car. “This is something you want to do, it’s something you know you’ll be good at, so the sooner you relax and start enjoying it, the better.”

“I know, I know,” I breathe, fanning myself with my hands. “It’s just- it’s just all so new!”

“Well get used to it, because that’s life for you,” dad states bluntly.

“I know,” I moan again as the car pulls up outside the large building. Outside, hundreds of teenagers- mostly girls- are milling around, entering the building. Some look as nervous as I am, whilst some are confident, happy and cheerful. My own nerves subside when I see one particular brown-haired girl come over to our car. I grin and step out of the car, greeting the girl with a long hug and a slow kiss.

“Hi!” I say, linking fingers with my girlfriend.

“Hi Nikki!” Sarah beams. “All ready for your first day at college?”

“Nervous as hell!” I confess. “But so much better now you’re here.” After giving Sarah another kiss, I grab my bag and head into the vast building hand in hand with the girl I love.

My first summer as Nicola may have had its ups and downs, but it’s by far the best summer of my whole life.

After three months on hormones, my body has finally started to change. The changes are subtle, but noticeable- my waist has started to narrow (though diet and exercise helped there!) whilst my hips and bottom are starting to expand slightly. My skin is softer, and what little muscle definition I had is starting to disappear. Frustratingly, some things are taking a lot longer than I’d hoped- my chest is still flat, albeit tender, so I’m still reduced to wearing falsies (except when exercising or dancing), and my facial hair is still growing, though I am having laser treatments to deal with that- with all the pain that that brings!

My wardrobe has considerably expanded, too- both Sarah and I now have Saturday jobs, me in a high-street clothing store and Sarah on a make-up counter, so we both get staff discounts that have already been thoroughly used! I now have a wardrobe, closet and several drawers full of cute, girly clothes- the pleated black miniskirt and t-shirt I’m wearing today being an example. I also own more shoes now than I know what to do with! Whilst most are flats (like the pair I’m wearing today), I have been steadily getting more and more heels- the 5” heeled platform stilettos I bought myself from eBay last week being probably the most extreme example (Sarah got herself a pair too, naturally)!

That’s not to say that home life has been a walk in the park, though. My parents have been my most consistent source of support- with the obvious exception of Sarah- but in doing so, their own lives have been made increasingly difficult. Many of dad’s friends have shunned him for having a transgendered child, and whilst he says- as I said- that anyone who can’t accept us for who we are doesn’t deserve to call themselves my friend, it’s clear that sometimes it’s not easy for him, me being the way I am. Probably the most difficult thing our family has had to endure, though, was the falling out with my grandparents.

Whilst my dad was externally calm about the whole social services investigation, internally he was utterly livid. Naturally, the investigation collapsed almost as soon as it began. When the officer came round and interviewed me and my parents, we provided quick, calm responses to every question that was asked, backed up with official paperwork (like my signed diagnosis of gender dysphoria and signed repeat prescriptions for hormones). A few days after that meeting, we received a call telling us that the investigation was being summarily cancelled and no further action would be taken. This was almost certainly because the department needed to not be seen as transphobic, but it was still a major victory for me and my parents- and a major defeat for my grandparents, one they refused to accept. They made it perfectly clear to me and my parents that unless I started living my life as a boy again, they would cut off all contact with us- including any potential inheritance. The fact that I’m going into college today wearing a skirt should tell you what decision my family took.

My other grandparents, whilst not as outright hostile, still refuse to accept my decision. As far as they’re concerned, I’m still their grandson, and I’m going through ‘a phase’ that I’ll get over soon enough. Never mind the fact that I’ve had several medical professionals say conclusively that I am a girl trapped in a boy’s body, never mind the fact that this has been my fantasy for as long as I can remember, they’re OAPs, so they know best. Mum- their daughter- assures me that they’ll come round soon enough, but I can tell my decision is causing her as much stress as it is dad.

Fortunately, every time things get too tense at home, I always have Sarah. My hormone treatments have reduced our sex life to virtually nothing, but if anything, we’ve spent more and more time with each other over the summer, even sleeping at each other’s houses more than once. We still study ballet, and Sarah is much better at it than I am, but we’re both steadily improving. Krystie- our teacher- actually invited us (and all her students) to a recital 6 weeks ago to celebrate her 21st birthday, where I got the thrill of my life when I got to take a selfie with Jamie-Lee Burke, one of my biggest inspirations since starting my life as Nikki. Sadly Sarah was on holiday at the time, so she couldn’t get her own selfie with Charlotte Hutchinson- but Krystie’s promised us that she and her ‘gang’ (that she’s nicknamed ‘The Angels’) will be doing more performances before the end of the year. One of the ‘Angels’, a dark-haired girl called Victoria, has actually started in the same class as me and Sarah (though she’s far more advanced than either of us), and we seemingly can’t get through a lesson without Sarah begging to be introduced to Charlotte and the other girls!

Sarah still makes clothes that I model for her online store- mostly dresses and skirts, but a few more unusual pieces like fashionable leotards and jumpsuits too. The online store is making us both a good amount of extra pocket money (Sarah insists on giving me a ‘modelling fee’), most of which, of course, goes on our own clothing collections! I actually tried interviewing for the modelling agency Krystie recommended last month- sadly, I didn’t get accepted, but was told to apply again in a year when I got more experience, which I fully intend to do!

…Experience I plan on getting starting today, with my new college course! It should come as no surprise to anyone that Sarah is studying fashion design- starting with a level 2 course with a view to doing level 3 next year, and university the year after. I, on the other hand, will be studying fashion photography- my own portfolio (taken mostly from Sarah’s website) was enough to get me on a level 2 course of my own- which hopefully will lead on to level 3 and subsequently a university course of my own!

“I’ll see you at lunch, right?” I ask Sarah as we prepare to go to our separate classes.

“Of course!” Sarah says happily, giving me a quick kiss before leaving me alone in the crowd. I quickly find my way to my own class and step inside, taking a seat on an unoccupied table. I barely have the chance to get out a notepad and a pen before I’m distracted by a voice behind me.

“Hi,” the voice says nervously. I turn around to look at the owner of the voice- a tall (the same height as me), skinny girl with light-brown hair, nervously clutching her own stationery. “Can- Can I sit next to you?” I can’t help but grin- this is almost exactly how I met Sarah two years ago, though obviously then I was a very different person!

“Sure,” I say, smiling as the girl sits down. “I’m Nikki, Nikki Thomas.”

“Katie,” the girl replies as we share a feminine handshake. “Katie Henderson. Are you a photographer too?”

“Yeah,” I answer with a smile. “Not really got that much experience, kinda why I’m doing this course.” I smile smugly before continuing. “I’ve also done some modelling.”

“Cool, me too!” Katie says happily, deflating my sails slightly. “Hey, maybe we can work together for our first assignment?” Even though my ego has taken a slight knock, Katie seems like a really nice girl, so it’s a small price to pay for a new friend.

“That’d be cool!” I say happily as I compare notes with my new friend.

Our class starts shortly afterwards- as it’s the first day we don’t actually do any photography, instead getting an overview of the course. Fortunately, we’re not called on to introduce ourselves to the whole class, so I’m spared the ‘opportunity’ to out myself to a whole room full of strangers, but when lunch rolls around, my brain is almost overloaded with all the information I’ve taken on!

“Getting scared yet?” Katie asks with a laugh.

“…Maybe a little,” I say, making us both giggle happily. “You doing anything for lunch?”

“I was planning on hanging around with a friend,” Katie said.

“Oh, okay, so I’ll see you after, then?” I say, a little hurt by being ditched by Katie.

“Why?” Katie asks with a grin. “YOU were the friend I was planning on hanging around with!” Katie and I giggle yet again before walking together to the cafeteria.

“Just so you’re aware,” I say, “I will be meeting up with my girlfriend at lunch, but you’re more than welcome to tag along if you want!”

“Oh cool,” Katie says. “So, you’re, like, a lesbian?”

“Kind of,” I say with a coy smile.

“Umm, so bisexual then?” Katie asks.

“Kind of,” I repeat, my smile growing wider.

Once we arrive at the cafeteria, Sarah quickly waves me over to her table, where she’s sat with two other girls.

“Hey Nikki!” Sarah says, greeting me with a kiss, much to the other girls’ delight. “Say hi to Lauren and Danielle!”

“Hi!” I say, greeting Sarah’s new friends. “Sarah, girls, meet Katie!” After we’re all introduced to each other, we settle down to eat our meal.

“So YOU’RE Nikki’s girlfriend,” Katie says to Sarah. “How long have you been going out?”

“About two years,” Sarah answers. “Nikki’s my first girlfriend, and she’ll be my last.” We secretly touch our hands together in our ‘girl love forever’ handshake under the table.

“That’s funny,” Katie continues, “because Nikki insists that she is only ‘kind-of’ a lesbian and ‘kind-of’ bisexual and I’m really racking my brain trying to figure out what she means!”

“You make a cute couple though, and that’s all that matters!” Danielle says with a smile.

“Thanks!” I say, keeping my hot pink-tipped fingers linked with Sarah’s. “Are you both studying fashion design too?”

“I am,” Lauren says. “Dannii here is Britain’s next top supermodel!” Grinning, Dannii stands up and does a sexy strut around the table- and it’s easy to see why Lauren thinks the way she does. Danielle is almost six feet tall, perfectly proportioned and has a bone structure any model would kill for. If I didn’t already have a girlfriend I loved with my whole heart, Dannii would DEFINITELY have grabbed my attention.

“I’m not actually a student here,” Dannii says, blushing slightly despite her ‘performance’. “I’m just here to support my best girl!” Dannii gives Lauren a quick hug, much to the smaller girl’s embarrassment.

“So what do you do?” I ask.

“Full-time model,” Dannii announces smugly. “Signed to Approach Media. Done a few shows, a few catalogue shoots.”

“So cool!” Katie gushes, though I can tell that deep down, she’s as envious as me. “I’ve done a bit of modelling too, but only small-scale stuff.”

“Same here,” I hastily interject. “Mainly just for Sarah’s online store.”

“’Online store’?” Lauren asks, her jaw dropping. “You never told me you were a businesswoman as well as a designer!”

“Well, we’re just full of secrets, aren’t we?” Sarah asks, shooting an angry look in my direction.

“Oh my god!” Dannii squeaks, handing Sarah her smartphone. “Show me, show me!” Sighing, Sarah quickly types in the web address of her store and hands the phone back to Dannii and Lauren, who both squeal excitedly at the sight of me in the beautiful clothing Sarah made.

“Oh my god!” Lauren exclaims. “You’re really, really good! Both of you are!”

“Thanks,” Sarah and I say simultaneously. The smile Sarah gives me lets me know that I’ve been forgiven for my earlier ‘faux pas’.

“Nikki, do you have representation?” Dannii asks. “Cause you’re really, really good!” I can’t help but frown despite the compliment.

“Nah,” I say dismissively. “I’m just an amateur. I much prefer being on the other side of the camera, anyway!” This is, admittedly, a lie, but something about Dannii just screams ‘self-confidence’- and I don’t want to seem like a failure in front of her.

“Didn’t you have that interview a couple of weeks ago?” Sarah asks smugly, this time earning herself a death glare from me. “Didn’t a mutual friend of ours recommend you to that particular agency?”

“Which agency?” Dannii asks excitedly. I sigh as I give my answer.

“Joshua Benedict,” I answer, prompting squeals of delight from Lauren, Dannii and- to my surprise- Katie.

“Oh my god!!!” Dannii exclaims. “Do you know one of the Angels!?” I can’t help but be surprised by this question- obviously I have my own reasons for being a fan of Jamie-Lee, and I always thought Sarah’s fondness for Charlotte was a rare thing…

“One of them? No,” Sarah responds smugly. “Two of them? Maybe…” I smile at Sarah, letting her know that she’s been forgiven, before getting out my own phone.

“Oh my god, that’s so awesome!” Katie enthuses.

“The Angels are overrated,” I say confidently.

“Says the girl with a selfie of her with Jamie-Lee on her phone!” Sarah jokes.

“This selfie?” I ask, showing the picture on my phone to the other girls, and smiling inwardly when all three of them look on with envy. “Whatever. I say the five of us would make a better supergroup anyway!” Much to my delight, I get approving smiles from all the girls at the table.

“The NEW Angels!” Dannii says, holding her hand out in the middle of the table. I roll my eyes- it’s not the name I’d have picked, but it’ll do for now.

“The New Angels!” I state, placing my hand on Dannii’s. Soon enough, all five of us have ‘signed up’ to the idea and are giggling excitedly about our new ‘gang’.

“We’re totally going to have to have a costume party to celebrate,” Dannii commands. “Any ideas for themes?”

“Anything EXCEPT Angels,” Lauren jokes, making the table descend into yet another fit of giggles!

Soon enough, the time comes for the five of us to reluctantly leave the cafeteria. We’ve only known each other for a few minutes, but it feels like we’ve friends our whole lives, and we’re already counting down the seconds until the next meeting of the ‘New Angels’.

“Nikki,” Katie says as we leave the cafeteria, “I’m STILL dying to know what you mean by ‘kind of’ gay and ‘kind of’ bisexual.”

“You know I showed you that selfie of me and Jamie-Lee Burke?” I ask, smugly. “She and I… Kinda have something in common.”

“No freaking way!” Dannii gasps, spinning me around to look at her. “You!? Born a boy!? But- but- but you’re hot! I mean, like, really hot!”

“Thanks!” I say to the towering blonde girl. “You’re not bad yourself!”

“Seriously?” Lauren asks, equally in shock. I simply nod in response, making Lauren smile even wider. “That is so cool!”

“Cool?” Katie asks. “Try AWESOME!” I can’t help but blink back tears as I am genuinely touched by the responses of my new friends.

“It’s… Just who I am,” I say humbly.

“And it’s why I love you,” Sarah whispers in my ear.

“So,” Katie asks, “you’re a transsexual, but you still like girls?”

“It’s not ‘girls’, really,” I say, “’it’s just Sarah.” I grin and give my girlfriend a quick kiss as we head back to the college’s main hall, where Katie & I part ways with the other three.

“Seriously,” Katie says, unable to take her eyes off of my body, “I would NEVER have guessed.”

“I assume that was a compliment,” I say with a smile, “so thanks!”

“Well yeah it was a compliment!” Katie enthuses. “Dannii’s right, you are drop-dead gorgeous! AND a proper model too!”

“Well, so are you!” I say, making my new friend laugh.

“Yeah, but I’ve always been a girl,” Katie shrugs as we arrive back at our classroom.

“So have I,” I say confidently. “It’s just taking my body a while to catch up, that’s all!”

“So cool,” Katie breathes. “Not just choosing to be a girl, but choosing to be a really girly girl as well!”

“Like I said,” I say. “It’s just who I am.”

The rest of the week passes by much quicker than I ever would have thought on that first morning. Me, Sarah, Katie, Lauren and (when she’s available) Dannii all meet up for lunch every day without fail, and our lunch hours are always filled with gossip about clothes, cosmetics, the ‘real’ Angels (when Katie and Dannii discovered that we study ballet with Krystie Fullerton, they both immediately demanded invitations to the class, which Sarah and I were of course happy to provide), our college work, and occasionally boys- which always made me and Sarah somewhat uncomfortable, given what little interest we have in people of that gender! Still, as time wore on, I found myself increasingly comfortable talking about that topic, even cooing over photos of semi-naked men in fashion magazines- just because I have no intention of ever touching doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy looking! Most gratifyingly of all, very little- almost nothing, in fact- is made of my transsexual status. As far as the girls are concerned, I am one of them- just as I'd always dreamed.

Once Friday at college has been and gone, I head home with Sarah to her house, where we both collapse on her sofa, breathing a sigh of relief.

“My mum won’t be back for a while,” Sarah says as we snuggle up to each other. “So, how d’you like college life?”

“MUCH better than school life,” I giggle. “No stupid uniform, for starters!”

“Would you have said your uniform was stupid if you’d worn a skirt instead of trousers?” Sarah asks, playing with the hem of the skirt I’m currently wearing.

“…Maybe not,” I laugh, giving Sarah a soft, slow kiss.

“Speaking of…” Sarah teases. “I trust you’ll be happy with wearing a really sexy bodysuit and skirt for me on Sunday?”

“Always,” I giggle, cuddling Sarah closer.

“Good,” Sarah says. “I’ve got a feeling this Sunday will be our best shoot yet…”

We stay on the sofa until early evening, when Beverly returns home with our takeaway dinner. After bidding a reluctant farewell to Sarah, I eventually return to my own home just before 9pm, where I again crash on the sofa, this time alone.

“First week done!” Mum coos. “How are you feeling, college girl?”

“Tired,” I laugh.

“Well, at least that means you’re working hard!” Mum jokes. “Assuming you’re not spending all your time at college just hanging around with friends, anyway!”

“Both,” I laugh. “Me and Sarah have both made some new friends, we’ve got our own little ‘clique’ now.”

“That’s great!” Mum enthuses. “When you were at school, Sarah was really the only friend you had… I can’t help but feel a little bit responsible, I mean, if we’d known about Nikki sooner, you’d probably have made more friends.”

“Don’t feel responsible,” I say soothingly. “Everything’s worked out great so far, yes, I’m having to make up for lost time but I’m doing great, really I am!”

“Do we get to meet these new friends of your at any point?” Mum asks.

“Soon,” I say, giggling a little. Mum’s right in everything she says, except her being responsible for my comparatively miserable school life- because of my ‘status’, I was miserable at school, a loner, right up until I met Sarah and Nikki became a reality. All I ever wanted to be was one of the girls, and now that I am- as far as Sarah, Katie, Lauren and Dannii are concerned, anyway- everything just feels so easy, so right. Whenever I see a group of girls gossiping, giggling, having fun, I don’t need to feel jealous any more- because I’m a part of one of those groups now!

I stay up until 11pm sat at my computer, chatting to the girls on Facebook. The stuff we talk about is utterly trivial nonsense, but I just don’t care!

Of course, my life can’t be all fun and games, as proven when my alarm clock wakes me at 8am for a day of work. I quickly get showered and made-up- subtle, professional make-up (and no nail polish, annoyingly) before pulling on my work uniform, which consists of a plain navy blue polo shirt, a pair of translucent black tights and a short, clingy black skirt. Employees have the option of wearing trousers or a skirt- and most girls there actually prefer trousers- but even despite my feminine hair and falsies, my limited make-up leave me feeling too androgynous for comfort, so I opt for a skirt instead (even if I am obliged to wear dark tights as well). After slipping on a pair of comfortable lace-up flats, I grab my handbag and head to work!

After three hours of stocking clothing racks, pricing items and helping customers, I finally get the nod from my supervisor and head off on my lunch break. Needless to say, I quickly meet up with Sarah at a local coffee shop! Sarah’s dressed similarly to me in her work uniform, only she’s wearing a white, short-sleeved blouse, more make-up (obviously, given she works on a make-up counter) and a shorter skirt than mine. Like me, she has the option of wearing trousers instead of a skirt, but she chose to wear skirts ‘out of solidarity for me’. It should go without saying that once we’re sat down, our hands quickly find their way onto each other’s nylon-clad thighs!

“Hey,” Sarah says hesitantly, giving me a quick kiss. “I hope you don’t mind, we’re kinda… Not going to be alone for lunch today.”

“What do you mean?” I as, before receiving my immediate answer.

“Hi girls!” Dannii says excitedly, giving us both quick hugs before sitting down at our table. “Aww, you both look so cute together in your uniforms!” Both Sarah and I blush slightly at our new friend’s unintended patronising.

“Thanks,” we both mumble, taking our hands off of each other’s thighs.

“Are you not working today?” I ask.

“Nah,” Dannii says dismissively. “Never work at weekends, that’s my motto!” Sarah and I share an unamused glance at Dannii’s flippancy.

“That said though,” Dannii continues, “I have been sending off a few CVs today, including one to a certain Mr Benedict…”

“Oh my god!” I exclaim with faked enthusiasm. “That’d be so awesome if you get signed by him!”

“I know, right?” Dannii asks, her excitement not waning. “I could end up being a New Angel AND a real Angel!”

“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves!” I tease, trying to rein my new friend’s ego in a bit.

“You’re right, you’re right,” Dannii says, taking several deep breaths and shooting a very unusual look at me. “So Sarah, is everything set for tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow?” I ask Sarah, who simply grimaces in response.

“Oh shit!” Dannii says, clapping her hand over her mouth. “Was that meant to be a surprise? I’m so sorry! I thought, you know, as you two were girlfriend and girlfriend you’d have told her!”

“…Told me what?” I ask Sarah with more than a little irritation in my voice.

“Tomor-“ Dannii begins, before a stern glare from Sarah silences her.

“It’s… Not just going to be the two of us tomorrow,” Sarah says. “I invited the others round to model some of the other clothes I’ve made.”

“I-“ I begin, before Sarah interrupts me.

“I’m sorry!” Sarah pleads. “I know how special those days are for you and you’ll always be my favourite model, always! It’s just… We’ve got all these new friends, I thought this’d be a good way to get to know each other and have some fun, that’s all! I was going to do your photos first, then the others would come over as a surprise…” I can see how upset Sarah is- and I don’t like being responsible for it. Looking over at Dannii- who is equally upset at her faux pas- it’s clear that this was meant to be a pleasant surprise for me. I smile and give Sarah a quick hug, before holding my hand out in the middle of the table.

“The New Angels?” I ask, bring wide smiles to Sarah & Dannii’s faces.

“The New Angels!” They both yell, eliciting surprised looks from everyone else in the café!

Lunch ends far sooner than any of us hoped, and after seeing Dannii off with friendly hugs, Sarah and I headed back to work. The following day, I got up early- earning myself plenty of teasing from my parents about giving up the only lie-in I’d get all week- and headed round to Sarah’s, where her ‘studio’ was set up ready and waiting in her back garden.

“Hey,” Sarah greets me with a soft kiss. “Are you ready?”

“I’m never NOT ready!” I say with a smile as Sarah leads me up to her bedroom.

“Then behold,” Sarah says, opening her wardrobe, “your gown!” I gasp in shock at the sheer beauty of the dress Sarah has in her arms. The bodice is a light metallic blue and completely strapless, held up by a tight zip up the back. The knee-length skirt is a dark lilac, again metallic, but flares out. The petticoat on the bed is no doubt intended to give the skirt even more volume.

“It’s beautiful!” I whisper, feeling the amazing texture of the dress between my fingers. “It’s probably my favourite since, you know, my favourite!”

“I knew you’d love it!” Sarah says, bouncing up and down with excitement. “Get your skirt and top off and I’ll help you get into it. You’ll need to put on some light tights, too.”

“Okay,” I say, taking off my clothing and pulling on the spare pair of tights I keep into my bag. Pulling the dress on does turn out to be a 2-girl job: The bodice of the dress is actually a detachable bodysuit that I have to step into like a leotard, or a swimsuit, and is very tight around my torso once zipped up. The petticoat feels INCREDIBLE once I’m in it- swishing around my nylon-covered legs with every step I take, especially once I’ve stepped into the super-high heels Sarah wants me to model with the dress! Finally comes the skirt, which flares out every time I turn around, flashing my petticoat to the world! Naturally, Sarah- now a proper make-up girl- insists on doing my make-up before I step in front of the camera. Thick metallic blue eye shadow goes on my eyelids, and extra-thick eyeliner and fake eyelashes complete my eyes, whilst blood-red lipstick enhances my mouth. My nails are painted the same blue as my eyelids, and to complete my look, my hair is tied up into a tight updo. We've only been done for five minutes when a knock comes from Sarah’s front door.

“Stay here,” Sarah orders- though I didn’t need much convincing. The job Sarah’s done is unbelievable- it may sounds egotistical, but with the exception of Sarah, I’ve never seen any girl look as beautiful as the girl looking at me from Sarah’s mirror. I almost lose myself in my reflection before I hear Sarah calling me from downstairs.

“Nikki!” Sarah calls. “Get down here!” Grinning widely, I elegantly rise from my chair and carefully- due to the height of my heels- stride down the stairs to the awed gasps of Katie, Lauren and Dannii.

“Okay,” Lauren says. “You were playing a practical joke on us when you said you were born male, right?”

“Holy moly,” Katie breathes as I pose and strut for the girls. Much to my surprise, Dannii has remained quiet as I pose in my new dress.

“Thanks,” I say nervously.

“Don’t tell me that’s ‘just who you are’,” Katie says mockingly, “NO sixteen year old girl should look that amazing all the time!”

“It’s just…” I say, before shrugging. “Who I always want to be!”

“I’ve got make-up and outfits for all of you too!” Sarah announces excitedly, much to the girls’ delight. “They’re ones that are already on my store, but I’ve altered them so they should fit you perfectly.”

“This is so awesome!” Lauren enthuses as she and Katie follow Sarah upstairs. “You’re going to HAVE to share some of your secrets with me, this stuff is amazing!” Whilst the three girls head upstairs, Dannii, however, remains behind to speak to me.

“What’s up?” I ask, carefully sitting down so as not to crease my dress. Dannii simply laughs, though she's clearly uncomfortable about SOMETHING.

"It's..." Dannii stutters, before shaking her head. "It's nothing. Come on, I wanna see what dress Sarah's got for me!" Smiling, Dannii grabs my hand and leads me back up the stairs, making me stumble a little in my heels. Before too long, all five of us are dressed in Sarah's amazing creations- Lauren in a long, poofy dress, Katie in a short, strapless dress and Dannii in a cute crop top and miniskirt set that shows off her amazing abs- all outfits I'd modelled before for Sarah's website. Sarah’s outfit is of course the best, and by a long way- a bodysuit and skirt identical to my own, only in hot pinks and reds instead of blues and purples- with matching make-up as well.

We spend the next 45 minutes in the garden, posing for the camera- with Dannii, of course, coaching us on the most effective poses- before the five of us head back indoors, none of us wanting to take off our amazing outfits.

"There is NO WAY I am letting someone else buy this dress," Katie says to a very proud Sarah. "Name your price!"

"Call it a tenner and it's yours!" Sarah says with a beaming smile.

"No way!" Katie says, getting her phone out of her bag. "Look, it says here you're selling it online for £35!"

"Yeah, and when I make another one, that's what I'll sell it for," Sarah says. "For you, for all of you, I’ll sell them at cost." Sarah then turns to me, a wide grin on her face. "Except yours, of course!" Sarah surprises me with a quick kiss, making the other three girls cheer! "Yours is free!" I gasp happily and look down again at the beautiful outfit- an outfit I'll now be able to take home!

"I wish I had a girlfriend who gave ME free clothes!" Dannii says, looking pointedly in my direction.

“Especially clothes as gorgeous as these!” Lauren concurs, standing up and doing another twirl in her voluminous dress.

"We NEED to do this more often," Katie insists. "Um, though obviously I don't want to send you bankrupt!"

"No, you're right," Sarah says confidently. "The New Angels forever!"

"The New Angels forever!" We all cheer. I can't help but notice Dannii's eyes linger on me throughout the cheer, but I make an effort to put it out of my mind. Two years ago, if you'd told me that I'd be living my life not just as a girl, but as a glamorous, girly girl, I'd have laughed in your face. If you'd told me that I'd have my very own 'clique' of close friends- all of whom were also glamorous, girly girls- I'd have thought you were insane. And yet here I am, firmly on the path to being 100% female, surrounded by genuine friends- and the only direction I plan on going is forwards!

“Come on, smile!” Katie urges me. Despite the cold, I beam a wide, toothy grin as Katie snaps photograph after photograph of me in my warm, snuggly outfit. I’m wearing a pair of tight, skinny jeans that show off my increasingly feminine curves, on top of which I have a pair of long, knee-high boots with a chunky 3” platform heel. My warm pink coat covers a tight red wool sweater, and my long brown hair is covered by a light grey woollen hat.

“Please tell me we’re done?” I beg as I try to warm my red-tipped fingers on my coat.

“I’m as cold as you are, remember?” Katie says as she warms her own hands on her coat before returning to her photo taking. “Welcome to the wonderful world of women who are overly sensitive to weather! Regretting your decision yet?”

“Not for a second,” I say with a genuine, wide grin on my expertly made-up face.

“Atta girl!” Katie says with a smile of her own as she finishes her photography and we both eagerly slip our warm gloves back on. “Can’t believe we’ve finally finished our first term, I thought it’d never end!”

“Oh come on,” I say, “you’ve got to admit, it was fun!”

“Yeah,” Katie says with a warm smile. “Especially as I had such an awesome girl to work with!” Katie and I share a quick hug as we head back into her house to upload our photos.

“Hi Nikki!” Katie’s mother greets me as we sit down on the sofa. “Cold outside?”

“Freezing!” I complain. “I wish our tutor had chosen an ‘indoor winter wonderland’ for our assignment!”

“Well you’ve got two whole weeks off to work on it, don’t waste it!” Mrs Henderson advises.

“Mum!” Katie admonishes. “We’ve got to have SOME fun over Christmas!” Katie and I giggle as my friend’s mum rolls her eyes.

Not that the last few months- whilst containing a lot of hard work- haven’t been fun. In fact, they’ve probably been the best months of my life so far. Our ‘gang’- The ‘New Angels’ as we’re now semi-officially know- have been hanging out with each other as much as humanly possible, even despite Katie, Lauren and Dannii all having boyfriends. Every day at college, we meet up for lunch- Dannii joining us when she can- and seemingly every other weekend we have some form of party. Inspired by the ‘real’ Angels, and with Sarah and Lauren being experts at clothes making, we’ve even been throwing the occasional costume party- for Sarah’s 17th birthday last month, the five of us held a formal ‘prom’, wearing our favourite custom-made dresses- naturally, I HAD to wear the amazing blue & lilac bodysuit/skirt Sarah made for me in September! For Halloween the month before, we all dressed up as cats, wearing black long-sleeved leotards and black tights, as well as whiskers, ears, tails, make-up and high heels! My parents were somewhat aghast when they saw that I was going to wear this tight, revealing costume outside- never mind the fact that I wear something similar each week to ballet class- but it could’ve been much worse, as Dannii had her heart set on the five of us dressing up as playboy bunnies!

That particular idea was shot down quickly, mostly out of deference to me- seven months on hormone replacement therapy has finally caused significant changes to my body, but there’s still a long, long way to go. My skin is now a lot smoother and softer, and my body shape is more noticeably feminine, though my breasts are still yet to fully develop- hence why the playboy bunny costumes were dropped. That’s not to say that my breasts aren’t growing, but ‘swelling’ would probably be a more accurate word. They’re very tender- often sore- and not even an A-cup yet (so I still wear my falsies most days), but there is a noticeable ‘shape’ developing on my chest, and for comfort, I now wear a bra all the time. My whole mind-set has changed too, thanks to the hormones. I no longer feel the bouts of depression I used to get when I was a boy, I no longer feel like I don't belong in my own skin. Sure, at times my mood can be unpredictable, often volatile, but now I feel like my body is actually MINE- something that's virtually impossible to explain to a non-transgendered person. The biggest effect the hormones have had, though, is on my sex drive- in that it’s been completely eliminated.

Sarah has long since known that this would happen, and has said all along that she’d be okay with it, but it hasn’t stopped it from causing some tension between us. Sarah still has needs- that I’ve been ‘fulfilling’ as best as I can- but as our relationship becomes increasingly ‘girl-girl’, she’s becoming increasingly uncomfortable. My own feeling for her haven’t changed, libido or no libido, but I can’t help but feel that she… Doesn’t love me as much as she used to. The fact that I spend a lot of my time working with Katie, and Sarah spends a lot of her time working with Lauren, doesn’t help matters any.

Also not helping matters is Dannii. Whilst in theory she should be the ‘outsider’ of our group- being the only one not attend college- if anything, she’s the self-declared ‘leader’. She’s the main driving force behind our activities and our parties, and whilst this can sometimes cause friction with the other girls (except for Lauren, who’s long since been Dannii’s best friend), in the end she is a LOT of fun to be around. It also helps that she’s the only one of us who works full-time, so has the most disposable income! Whilst she can be a bit too ‘alpha female’ at times, Dannii has always been there for me whenever I need to talk, whenever Sarah and I are having difficulties. I think maybe she sees me as a ‘Jamie’ to her ‘Charlotte’, I dunno. Sometimes she even goes as far to say that she prefers hanging out with me to hanging out with her boyfriend!

Whilst I am living my dream, it’s not been all clothes and parties. It may seem like a cliché, but life as a teenage girl really can be very difficult, especially when you’ve not always been female. My ‘status’ is an open secret at college, and has been the subject of gossip numerous times. Whilst I’ve never been overtly bullied for who I am- the college has made it quite clear that there would be a zero tolerance approach to transphobic bullying- I often see other teenagers sniggering, pointing in my direction as I walk past, sometimes even laughing their heads off at the mere sight of me. Even when I’m at work, I sometimes feel myself receiving judgemental stares from people I know from college. Of course, this could just be me being paranoid, but the girls have mentioned noticing this too, which only makes matters worse- people picking on me is one thing, but picking on my friends for associating with me? That’s a whole new level of nastiness.

Probably the biggest source of stress, though, has been my family. Five days from now is Christmas Day, and in the past, we’ve always gone as a family to my grandparents’ houses- one in the morning, one in the afternoon for Christmas dinner. This year, however, that’s simply not an option. My dad’s parents still refuse to acknowledge my existence, no matter how much we try to get through to them. We’ve even brought in Beverly and my regular shrink to try to talk to them, but to no avail. My mother’s parents are almost as bad- whilst they still talk to my mum, they outright refuse to accept that I’m now a girl. My Christmas card from them- which I got at the start of December- refers to me as ‘Nick’ and has ‘to a special grandson’ on the front. It’s almost as if they’re prepared to love me, they’re just not prepared to love Nikki, and that’s what hurts the most. My parents will be going to their house for Christmas dinner, as always- but it’s been made very clear to me that unless I go in ‘fully masculine mode’, I will not be welcomed in their house- so for Christmas this year, I’ll be completely alone.

Those thoughts plague my mind as Katie’s mum drives me home. Whilst Katie’s mum is right in that I have a whole two weeks off of college, deep down I’d actually rather be there, and amongst friends, than in a tense home environment.

“Welcome home, free woman!” Dad greets me as I step into my warm living room. “Well, free for two weeks anyway!”

“Thanks,” I say, slipping off my coat, hat and boots and crashing on the sofa.

“Got anything special planned for the break?” Dad asks. “Are you and your friends going to go carolling wearing tiny Santa outfits?” I roll my eyes at my father’s teasing- he may have accepted me being a girl, but if anything that’s made it harder for him to accept me being a grown-up woman!

“Not in this weather!” I joke.

“Good,” dad says, sitting in his chair. “Nikki… We need to talk about Christmas Day.”

“Urgh,” I moan, cuddling a cushion. “Do we have to?”

“We’re going to have to sooner or later,” dad sighs. “You know we’ve all been invited to your mother’s parents’, right?”

“I am NOT going as a boy,” I state firmly. “I’m a girl. End of story.”

“I know,” dad says, looking increasingly uncomfortable. “But- oh god, I can’t believe I’m asking this- is there a chance you could, maybe, compromise?”

“How am I supposed to ‘compromise’ my gender?” I ask, confused and slightly angry by what my dad’s asking.

“Well,” dad stammers, “maybe wear something that’s, maybe, androgynous? So you wouldn’t be overtly female, but not overtly male, either?”

“Are you serious?” I ask, anger seeping into my voice. “Why should I hide what I am? Why don’t you and mum go androgynous as well?”

“Well, um,” dad says, clearly taken aback by my fury. “It’s obvious what myself and your mother are…”

“And it’s obvious what I am, too,” I state firmly. “I. AM. A. GIRL.” Dad sighs, knowing that he won’t win this argument.

“You’re right,” dad mumbles. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry I asked you what I just did.”

“Apology accepted,” I say softly. “I’m not going to apologise for who I am. I shouldn’t have to, not even to my grandparents.” Seeing that I’m still hurt from what he asked, dad gets out of his chair and sits down next to me, giving me an awkward, yet fatherly hug.

“Don’t ever apologise for who you are,” dad advises. “On Christmas, you go round to your grandparents wearing whatever you want. No matter what happens, we’ll stand by you, because you’re our daughter, and that’s what’s most important of all.”

“Thanks,” I sniffle, returning dad’s hug.

“Would now be good time to spoil the fact that we’ve got you a really nice dress for Christmas?” Dad asks, making me giggle.

I’m up early for work the next morning, as with it being the run-up to Christmas, the shops are busier than ever. As the days have got colder I’ve found myself more frequently wearing trousers to work, but following last night’s ‘chat’ with dad I have a greater than normal urge to feel feminine, so I slip on a pair of thick black tights and my usual work skirt instead. Once I’m fully dressed, I grab my coat and handbag and head out, making sure to give both my parents goodbye cheek kisses as I do.

After a fairly hectic four hours on the shop floor, I finally get permission from my supervisor to head off for lunch, where I (of course) meet up with Sarah- who is somewhat confused by my attire.

“What’s with the skirt?” Sarah asks whilst greeting me with a hug, before smoothing her own trousers as she sits down. “I thought we agreed we could skip the ‘skirt solidarity’ for winter.”

“Ugh,” I moan. “My grandparents. AGAIN. Just… Really needed to feel feminine today.”

“Oh no, what happened?” Sarah asks, supportively holding my hand.

“My dad,” I sigh. “He wants me to be ‘androgynous’ when I go to them for Christmas, figures that if it isn’t blindingly obvious that I’m a girl, they’ll be more inclined to accept me.”

“Well that’s stupid,” Sarah spits. “It IS blindingly obviously that you’re a girl. It’s about time your old folks accepted that!” Before I can reply, our intimate conversation is interrupted by two new arrivals.

“Hi girlies!” Dannii exclaims excitedly, giving both me and Sarah a hug.

“Hi Snikki!” Lauren giggles, using our ‘couple portmanteau’ name- that Sarah and I both despise.

“Hi Dannii, Hi Lauren,” I say tiredly, returning both girls’ hugs.

“It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas!” Dannii squeaks. “What have the cutest couple in London got planned, hmm?”

“Oh, you know,” Sarah says. “Just family, that sort of thing. I’ll probably get dragged around to see my dad at some point. Still haven’t got my brother and sister any presents yet…”

“Ah, the joys of being an only child, right Nikki?” Dannii asks, making me blush slightly.

“How can I be an only child,” I ask with a smug smile, “when I’ve got the four best sisters in the world?” The table cheers and giggles at my joke.

“THREE sisters,” Sarah corrects me. “Unless you want to be guilty of incest…” I giggle and give Sarah a quick kiss, much to Dannii & Lauren’s amusement!

“Oh my god,” Dannii exclaims, “I just realised, Nikki, this’ll be your first Christmas as a girl, won’t it?”

“Yep!” I say, smiling outwardly but feeling sad about the conflict with my family.

“That’s so cool!” Lauren says warmly. “Dannii, we’ve GOT to celebrate that somehow!”

“I dunno, it’s gonna be hard getting a party together this close to Christmas,” Dannii says, before looking me in the eyes and grinning widely. “Doesn’t mean I’m not gonna try, though! You free Monday?” I look at Sarah, and almost immediately we’re both wearing broad smiles on our faces.

“I am now!” I say happily, to yet more cheering and giggling!

Lunch passes far too quickly- as it always seems to do when I’m eating with the girls- but as I walk back to work, I get an unexpected surprise.

“Hey!” Dannii says, suddenly appearing alongside me. “Walk you back to work?”

“Sure!” I say- even though Dannii’s presence is exhausting at the best of times and I need all the energy I can get today!

“Need to get some more presents for my mum,” Dannii explains. “Thought I could get them at your store?”

“Dannii,” I say with a coy smile, “if you wanted to hang out with me a little more, you could always just say that!” Dannii giggles at my teasing, playfully holding onto my arm as we walk.

“God, I wish you didn’t have to do such boring work,” Dannii sighs. “It should be you and me modelling together. Especially if it’s for Joshua Benedict!” I smirk at Dannii’s mention of that particular agency, especially as she never told us exactly how her interview with them went two months ago…

“New Angels forever!” I laugh, playfully grabbing one of Dannii’s arms as we walk off, both giggling uncontrollably.

True to her word, Dannii buys her presents and leaves, but not before talking my ear off whilst I try to work. The distraction isn’t entirely unwelcome, though- especially as she’s complimentary about my choice of skirt!

I eventually arrive home at 6:30pm, having accepted my manager’s offer of paid overtime, and collapse on the sofa feeling utterly exhausted- both from work and from Dannii!

“Oh, stop wilting,” dad chastises. “Think of all the extra money!”

“It is a nice thought,” I say with a smile. “I can’t pay someone to make me less knackered, though!”

“Nope,” mum agrees, bringing a hot plate of food through from the kitchen. “That’s what dinner’s for!”

After dinner- during which I find myself wishing that my skirt’s waistband had a bit more give to it- we while away the evening watching television. Mum and I are huge fans of Strictly Come Dancing. Dad is less of a fan, but knows better than to argue when he’s outnumbered by two women!

“God, all their dresses are so beautiful,” I coo at the clothes the dancers are wearing. “I’d love to go on Strictly one day…” Almost immediately as I say that, my phone beeps, letting me know I have a new Facebook message- and unsurprisingly, it’s from Dannii.

“…And that’s all we’ll hear from our daughter for the next hour,” dad jokes as I read the message.

‘Watching?’ Dannii asks.

‘Of course!’ I reply.

‘Abbey's dress is so gorgeous!!!’ Dannii enthuses. ‘Reckon you can get your girlfriend to make us dresses like that? I know someone who might like a ‘Strictly’ theme for her 17th…’ I roll my eyes as I type out my reply.

‘Lol, make me even more like Jamie-Lee, why don’t you?’ I type, laughing as I get a sticking-out tongue smiley in reply.

‘Seriously though,’ Dannii replies, ‘we HAVE to have a Strictly party some time- even though you and Sarah mean that we’ll have two girls dancing together!’

‘What do you say, girls?’ I type out in reply, but before I hit send, I remember that Dannii’s been referring to Sarah in the third person- and checking the top of the screen confirms my suspicions- it’s just me and her in this chat window! I hastily delete my message and type out a new one.

‘Should we get the others in here and see what they say to the party?’ I ask.

‘Oh, you know they’ll all say yes!’ Dannii replies. There’s a brief pause as I try to figure out a way out of this one-on-one chat.

‘Yeah,’ I reply, ‘but Sarah and Lauren are going to have to make the dresses, if we ask them now, they can get a head-start?’

‘Very true,’ Dannii replies, her response seeming unusually curt when not accompanied by the usual army of emoticons. Almost immediately, three notifications pop into the window: ‘Sarah Phillips has joined the conversation’, ‘Katie Henderson has joined the conversation’, ‘Lauren Burnett has joined the conversation’.

‘Hey girlies!’ I type. ‘I take it everyone’s watching?’

‘The Strictly final?’ Lauren asks.

‘Also known as ‘the most important TV show of the year’?’ Katie jokes. ‘Who ISN’T watching?’ I grin wider as I keep typing.

‘Miss Samson here has had the idea that one of us ought to have a Strictly themed party for her 17th,’ I type, feeling simultaneously proud, yet guilty at whipping the rug out from underneath Dannii’s feet.

‘Ooh, me me me!’ Katie types. ‘My birthday’s next!’

‘Slow down!’ Sarah types. ‘I can’t make 5 dresses in 3 weeks!’

‘Lol,’ Dannii types, ‘you can just chuck a bit of fringing on a leotard for mine. My legs are my best feature anyway.’ I roll my eyes at Dannii’s ego’s near-immediate recovery.

‘Lol,’ Lauren types, adding a kissing emoticon to the end of her message.

‘If you can’t make it for January,’ I type, ‘we can always do that for my 17th in March!’ Predictably, this earns me a sticking-out tongue smiley from Katie and a string of smiley faces from Dannii.

‘Oh no no no,’ Sarah types. ‘I already know what I’m doing for your 17th!’ I reply with a kissing emoticon of my own, which Sarah copies into her reply, and we spend the next minute and a half dominating the chat window with our virtual kissing!

‘AHH!’ Dannii types. ‘SO MUCH KISSING!’ Needless to say, Sarah and I exchange even more virtual kisses before more angry messages from Katie and Lauren persuade us to stop.

‘GLF,’ I type with a string of smiley faces after it.

Needless to say, I all but drain my phone’s battery chatting with the girls for the rest of the night, before eventually collapsing into bed just after 11:30pm.

Whilst asleep, I find myself back in my favourite recurring dream. As always, I’m dressed in a pristine white wedding dress, stood at the altar with my bride in front of me wearing an identical dress.

“You may kiss the bride,” the minister says, but as I lift the veil to kiss my new wife, it’s not Sarah’s face underneath the veil, but Dannii’s…

“Aah!” I yell, waking with a start, before relaxing back into my warm, toasty bed. “It’s just a dream,” I whisper to myself. “It doesn’t mean anything…” It doesn’t mean anything… Does it? I get up the following day just after 10am, feeling fully refreshed for the much-needed lie-in despite the fitful nature of my sleep.

“Good afternoon,” dad jokes as I pad down the stairs and slump into a chair in the kitchen.

“What time is Sarah coming over?” Mum asks.

“About 11,” I reply, eating my already-laid out breakfast. “Dannii’s said she wants us to have a ‘Christmas party’ tomorrow so we’ll probably be getting stuff for that.”

“As long as there’s no alcohol, I hope!” Mum orders. “That Dannii’s a strange girl…” I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from agreeing with my mum.

“No, no alcohol,” I say, though knowing Dannii, there’s no guarantee- she can easily pass for 18 and has boasted about getting into nightclubs on several occasions.

“Well, regardless, you have fun both today and tomorrow,” dad says. “Now you’re one of the ‘cool kids’ we’ll just have to get used to seeing you first thing in the morning and last thing at night, I guess…” Laughing, I make sure to give dad a quick hug before heading upstairs to get ready.

After showering, I get ready for what won’t be a typical lazy Sunday. Knowing that I’ll be spending the whole day with Dannii- around whom you do have to ‘keep up appearances’- my outfit for the day consists of a flared black miniskirt, opaque black tights, a tight red turtleneck (similar to the one I wore on Friday) and ankle booties with a 2.5” heel. After making sure my make-up and nail polish is immaculate, I grab my coat and handbag and head downstairs to where Sarah is already waiting for me.

“Hey Nikki!” Sarah says, greeting me with a quick hug. “Are you ready?”

“Given that she’s only been up 45 minutes, I’m guessing ‘no’!” Dad jokes, earning himself a stern glare from me.

“Let’s go,” I say, making sure to give both my parents cheek kisses as I depart.

“Hey girlies!” Dannii yells excitedly, greeting us both with hugs as we meet inside the vast shopping centre.

“Hi Nikki, Hi Sarah,” Dannii’s boyfriend- greets us, though less energetically than his girlfriend.

“Hi Jordan,” I say to the tall young man, though he doesn’t say anything further- like everyone I know, he’s aware of my ‘status’, and has always been a little wary around me as a result.

“Oh my god,” Dannii enthuses, “I’ve had SO many ideas for the party, I can’t wait to get going!”

“Just so you know,” Sarah says, trying to calm our friend’s enthusiasm, “we’ve both spent ridiculous amounts of money on presents and are now skint, so costumes are kinda not gonna happen.”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Dannii says dismissively. “Just wear your sexiest skirts and your silliest Christmas jumpers! We ARE meant to be celebrating Miss Thomas’s first Christmas as a member of the best gender, remember?” I blush a little as Jordan shoots another wary glance in my direction.

“There’s really no need to go to so much trouble,” I argue, knowing deep down that Dannii’s mind is already made up.

“Oh, of course there is!” Dannii insists. “Hey, maybe we should do a secret Santa? Like, a proper secret Santa?”

“Lack of money?” Sarah reminds Dannii.

“We’ll make it a £5 limit,” Dannii counters. “Just something silly to open on Christmas morning!” Sensing that we’re not going to change her mind about this- or anything related to the party- Sarah and I simply tag along with Dannii for the rest of the day as she gathers the supplies necessary for tomorrow’s party.

Needless to say, when we arrive back at my house just after 5pm, both myself and Sarah are utterly exhausted.

“Hi girls,” dad says as we collapse together on my sofa. “Oh stop that, you’re supposed to be teenagers! Supposed to be full of rebellious energy!”

“Did you get everything you need for the party tomorrow?” Mum asks.

“Probably,” I sigh, making Sarah laugh. “Dannii didn’t show us where she got her energy from, but everything else seems ready.”

“The reason we’re having this party,” Sarah explains, “is because it’s Nikki’s first Christmas as a girl, and that needs celebrating!”

“Damn right it does!” Dad says with a warm smile. “I mean, she’s our only child so we spoil her every Christmas, but still…”

“Thanks, dad,” I sigh.

“You’re very welcome, Nicola!” Dad laughs. “Do you want to stay for dinner, Sarah?”

“Please,” Sarah gratefully answers. “Actually, my mum’s off seeing my great-uncle in Norfolk today, she’s not going to get back until late tonight, so I was, um, kinda wondering…” Sensing what Sarah’s trying to ask, I finish her sentence for her.

“Can Sarah stay over tonight?” I ask boldly. Unsurprisingly, dad simply sighs and rolls his eyes.

“You’re growing up too fast,” dad moans. “Both of you are.” A brief, awkward silence fills the room.

“Was that a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’?” I ask.

“It was a ‘yes’,” dad confirms. “As if I’d be able to stop you either way!”

“Thanks, dad!” I say with a giggle as Sarah and I snuggle up closer to each other.

“Yeah, thanks, dad!” Sarah giggles. After a hearty dinner and a lazy evening mostly spent watching TV, Sarah and I head up to bed together just after 10pm.

"Your parents are so cool," Sarah sighs as she strips to her bra and panties and huddles under my warm bed sheets.

"I know," I sigh, stripping to my own underwear and snuggling up next to Sarah. "I dunno if they'd be so keen if I was still Nick..."

"Oh whatever," Sarah snorts. "Nikki's so much better than Nick, anyway!" I can help but feel sad, despite Sarah's insistence.

"Yeah, but if I was Nick, we wouldn't just be cuddling now..." I say. Sarah simply smiles at me sadly.

"I've told you a million times," Sarah says reassuringly. "That body part isn't the reason I love you so much. YOU are."

"I know that, I really do," I moan, "but I can't help but feel, like, that I'm letting you down..."

"STOP WHINGING!" Sarah mock-scolds me. "Would it make you feel better if I said that I was into girls all along and I only let you do 'that' to me because you're, well, you?" I look down at Sarah expectantly.

"Is that true?" I ask.

"Well..." Sarah says. "...No, not really, sex with Nick was pretty awesome! But it's sex with Nikki that I want!"

"Sex with Nikki is something you- we can't have," I sigh.

"Whoever said you needed a functioning penis to have sex?" Sarah laughs, diving her head underneath the covers. It doesn't take long for me to join her- and it doesn't take long for us to both reach orgasm at each other's hands (even if my own is a pale shadow of what it used to be).

"See?" Sarah asks, snuggling back into my embrace. "And when you get your proper girl parts, we'll be able to do that every night!" I giggle and cuddle Sarah tighter.

"You know," I say, still trying to catch my breath, "this may be Nikki's first Christmas, but it's our third!"

"I hadn't forgotten," Sarah says with a smile. "I hope when I see you on Boxing Day you'll have several packages of sexy underwear for me to unwrap?"

"I dunno," I tease. "I doubt I'd be sexy wearing THAT many pairs!" Sarah laughs as we while away the night teasing each other about the upcoming holiday, eventually falling asleep in each other's arms.

I wake up the following morning at 8am, still wrapped in Sarah's arms, neither of us wanting to leave the warm, loving embrace.

“Hey, gorgeous,” I whisper in Sarah’s ear, prompting a moan of content from her slumbering form.

“Hey,” Sarah whispers, giving me a quick kiss on the lips. “I don’t wanna get up today…”

“Me too,” I sigh. “Reckon we’d get away with skipping the party and just spending all day in bed instead?”

“I doubt we’d get away with skipping BREAKFAST and spending all morning in bed,” Sarah giggles, wriggling free from my embrace and sitting up. “I’d better shower first, doubt your parents would approve of us going in together!”

“They’re barely okay with us spending the night together,” I sigh as Sarah heads off to the bathroom. “See you in a bit, babe.”

After Sarah’s done in the shower and I’ve taken my turn, we get dressed for the day. Sarah simply wears the same jeans and sweater she wore yesterday- as she obviously doesn’t have any clothes at my house- and I pull on a pair of opaque black tights, a pair of denim shorts and a warm black turtle necked top- though obviously I’ll be changing for the party later on.

Even though it’s our first free weekday in a while, both Sarah and I need to get college work done, so Sarah departs shortly after 10am, leaving me alone to work on my project. I’ve barely started when a knock comes on my bedroom door.

“Can I come in?” Mum asks.

“Sure,” I answer, trying not to divert too much attention from my computer screen.

“You know,” mum starts hesitantly, “I’ve got to agree with what your father said yesterday, you ARE growing up too fast for my liking.”

“I’m not a little boy any more,” I say with a giggle. “I guess I never really was a little girl, either.”

“I know,” mum sighs. “You know how lucky you are that Sarah’s mum and ourselves let you spend the night together, right? If it wasn’t for your ‘treatments’ making it impossible for Sarah to get pregnant it probably wouldn’t happen at all.”

“Oh trust me,” I say with a smile, “I know how lucky I am. The last seven months have been the best part of my life by miles.”

“I’m glad to hear that,” mum says. “Just… Don’t grow up TOO fast, okay? You know at this party tonight there’ll probably be alcohol available to you, don’t feel pressured into having a drink just because all your friends are having one. ‘First hangover’ isn’t a milestone I want you to get to just yet!”

“I won’t,” I say semi-truthfully. Knowing Dannii, she’ll almost certainly have laid her hands on some booze, even if it is just beer or wine. And ‘first teenage rebellion’ is a milestone for any young person, regardless of their gender.

“I wish I could believe you,” mum sighs. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean it like that- I mean- I know you’re not a BAD kid, but you’re still a teenager, and god knows I rebelled when I was younger!” I giggle a bit- I’ve heard stories of my parents’ rebellions before.

“It doesn’t get any more rebellious than changing your gender,” I laugh.

“CORRECTING your gender,” mum says, giving me a quick hug. “I just wish you’d told us earlier so you could’ve been a ‘little girl’, if only for a short while.”

“No point crying over it now,” I sigh. “And it’s not like I’ve missed all the ‘little girl’ milestones. I’ll have my first dance recital in the next few months, I’ve kinda already had a sleepover…” Mum gives me a playful whack on the shoulder as we both giggle.

“Just as long as you’re happy and you stay out of trouble, that’s all that matters,” mum says. “And as for your grandparents, they’ll come to accept their granddaughter soon enough. I won’t let them NOT accept you.” I can’t help but grin as tears well in my eyes at the mention of my grandparents.

“Thanks, mum,” I whisper.

“I’ll let you get back to your work,” mum says, leaving me alone with my thoughts- though in truth, I’m finding it hard to actually get any work done, my thoughts are so crammed with Christmas, today’s party, my grandparents… Sarah…

I change for the party after dinner. As per Dannii’s instructions (and after applying a thick layer of make-up), I pull on a tight black miniskirt with bright red tights underneath and a pair of my highest heels- making sure beforehand that they’re comfortable enough to dance in! When I got rid of my ‘boy clothes’ in May I also got rid of all my old boy jumpers, including my Christmas jumpers, but luckily enough dad still has one that I can borrow (none of mum’s will fit me as I’m too tall). Even wearing my falsies, the jumper’s baggy- but what amuses me the most is that this jumper is the first piece of masculine clothing I’ll have worn in over seven months, and I can’t help but feel self-conscious as a result- even though I’m wearing a short skirt, high heels, red nail polish and excessive make-up.

“See you later!” I yell to my parents as I head out of the house.

“Have fun, and be careful!” Mum yells after me. Beverly gives myself and Sarah a lift to the party as Sarah doesn’t have her driving licence yet, and when we knock on the door, it’s unsurprisingly Dannii who answers.

“Wow,” Dannii breathes, looking at my outfit. “Rudolf with your tights so bright, won’t you join my sleigh tonight?” The three of us all giggle and exchange hugs before heading inside, where there are plenty of people- not just the ‘New Angels’ and boyfriends- already present, all wearing silly Christmas jumpers just like mine & Sarah’s.

“Great turnout!” I yell to Dannii over the noise of the music.

“Yeah,” Dannii agrees. “Pity my parents have insisted on kicking everyone out at 10:30. I can’t wait to get my own place so I can do whatever I want with whoever I want!”

“What’s stopping you?” Sarah asks. “After all, you’re always boasting about how you have a full-time income, after all.”

“Yeah,” Dannii says, “a full-time income that I want to spend on clothes and make-up, not rent and bills!” The three of us all giggle as Dannii hands us both glasses of drink- which, as predicted, has a strong alcoholic smell to it.

“The perks of having a 19 year old boyfriend!” Dannii explains. Even though I’m uncertain, I figure if I don’t drink TOO much, it can’t hurt, so the three of us gulp the drink down and quickly grab another before mingling with the rest of the party.

An hour and a half later, Sarah and I are huddled together on the sofa, already tipsy and tired. We’ve drank, danced and even had a go on Dannii’s karaoke machine- mine & Sarah’s rendition of ‘I wish it could be Christmas every day’ went down well, but naturally Dannii’s cover of ‘All I want for Christmas’ was the real hit, even if she did make a LOT of eye contact with me throughout the song.

“Hey girlies!” Lauren yells excitedly, snuggling on the sofa next to Sarah. “Great party, eh?”

“Yeah!” I agree, straightening my skirt.

“Where’s Michael?” Sarah asks, referring to Lauren’s boyfriend.

“Doing his job and getting me a drink,” Lauren laughs. “Hey, what do you two do when you’re two girls, like, who fetches the drinks?”

“NOT that your suggesting that boys are only useful as butlers, of course?” I ask, prompting a mass giggle.

“Oh, no offence intended,” Lauren says, realising her faux pas.

“None taken,” I say with a smile. “Because I’m not a boy!”

“Pick a name!” Dannii announces loudly, interrupting our conversation and holding an upside-down Santa hat in front of us. I reach in first and pick out the slip of paper, stealthily looking at it before reaching underneath my jumper and stuffing it in my bra (my skirt doesn’t have any pockets on it).

“Who’d you get?” Dannii asks.

“It’s a SECRET,” I reply, prompting yet another mass giggle. Sarah and Lauren quickly pick their names- also refusing to divulge who they got- before Dannii put her now-empty hat back on her head and snuggles next to me on the sofa.

“Where’s Jordan?” I ask.

“Throwing up, the lightweight!” Dannii laughs. “Sometimes I think boys are just useless.”

“No argument here!” Sarah laughs. “Thank god MY boyfriend has seen sense and joined the GOOD gender!” I laugh and give Sarah a long, soft kiss.

“Except I was never your boyfriend,” I giggle. “I was always your girlfriend.”

“And you always will be,” Sarah says, giving me another kiss and stroking my bright red legs.

Despite Dannii’s promise, the party rolls on until well past 10:30pm- though the noise levels do drop out of consideration for Dannii’s neighbours. Sarah and I are amongst the last to leave, just after 11pm.

“So cool,” Sarah sighs as we slide into the back seat of the taxi. “Go on, who’d you get?”

“I said, IT’S A SECRET,” I joke.

“I’ll show you mine if you show me yours,” Sarah teases.

“We have done, several times!” I tease back, prompting a fit of giggles and confusing the poor taxi driver.

“Come on,” Sarah begs. “Don’t make me dive in there and find out for myself!” I take a deep sigh, as I know Sarah will follow through on her threat.

“I got Katie,” I say. “You?”

“Dannii,” Sarah says with a frown. “Dunno what the hell I’m supposed to get her.”

“A mirror?” I joke, making the two of us collapse in fits of giggles. “Oh, call me tomorrow, we’ll go shopping, figure something out.”

I eventually stumble through my front door just after 11:30pm, taking off my heels to make it easier for me to balance. As my parents are both in bed, I quietly creep up the stairs into my room, where I quickly strip off and climb into bed.

“Goodnight, Nikki,” dad tiredly says from his room as I switch off my nightlight. Silently cursing, I lay my head down on my pillow and quickly fall asleep, knowing I’ll have some explaining to do tomorrow…

I’m woken up the following morning by a non-stop pounding on my bedroom door. I blink my eyes open and wince at both the brightness of the sun outside and the noise of the banging. After pulling on a dressing gown, I open my bedroom door and stare into my father’s smug face.

“Good morning, sunshine!” Dad says happily as I wince.

“Do you really need to bang so hard?” I complain as I head downstairs and slump into a kitchen chair.

“I figure the best thing is for you to learn from your experiences,” dad laughs. “Enjoy your first hangover while it lasts!”

“Good morning Nikki!” Mum shouts happily. “I trust your head is throbbing nicely? Here, let me put on the radio for you!” I moan further as the loud music causes my head to start pulsing, before mum laughs and puts a glass of water and two paracetamol tablets in front of me.

“I suppose I was no worse at your age,” mum laughs as I gratefully gulp down the water and the painkillers. “So, did you have fun?”

“Yeah,” I say with a smile. And I did- obviously, I can’t remember everything that happened last night, but the karaoke, the dancing, and especially the snuggling on the sofa with Sarah… Bring on more!

After showering and getting dressed in thick black tights, my warm green sweater dress and my knee-high boots, I grab my coat and handbag and head out into the city centre- stopping first, of course, to give my parents a goodbye kiss each.

I meet up with Sarah at our usual Saturday lunch coffee shop, where she’s thankfully already got a hot cup of coffee ready and waiting for me.

“You are an absolute life saver,” I say, giving Sarah a kiss and sitting down next to her.

“We didn’t even drink that much,” Sarah complains as she sips her own coffee. “Dannii must’ve put vodka or something in that punch. Or whatever the hell that was supposed to be.”

“Well, at least you’ve got an idea of what to get her for her secret Santa,” I say with a giggle.

“If I was 11 months older,” Sarah sighs. “Did you get much of a roasting when you got home?”

“Nah,” I explain. “My parents don’t ground me any more, not now that I pay them board, I think for them me growing up is a bit like me being a girl- something they’re just going to have to accept whether they like it or not.”

“My mum’s the same,” Sarah says with a smile. “You should’ve seen the look on her face the other day when I booked my first driving lesson!”

“…And the drinking?” I ask.

“She wasn’t exactly over the moon,” Sarah sighs. “But, like you, I now contribute to the household… Part of me kinda wishes I had actually been grounded.”

“I know what you mean,” I say. “Things were so much easier when we were kids.”

“Yeah, but much less fun!” Sarah enthuses. I grin and look down at my short dress and nylon covered legs.

“You don’t know how right you are…” I say.

Shopping goes a lot quicker than it normally does, especially with Sarah and I being nearly skint and the shops being nearly empty on Christmas Eve. Fortunately, Katie’s always complaining about running out of memory space on her camera, so I pick her up a cheap SD card and quickly wrap that. Sarah has a harder time- Dannii has a tendency to buy whatever she needs as the need arises, so instead of clothes or cosmetics, Sarah- knowing Dannii’s love of cats- buys her a stuffed cat toy instead. I can’t help but chuckle at Sarah’s panic over whether or not Dannii will accept the gift!

After handing the present over to Jordan (who’s acting as the ‘Santa’ for the group) and being handed my own, I spend the rest of the day at Sarah’s house. Despite what Sarah said earlier, Beverly is clearly unhappy about last night’s party, though as always she’s polite to me, asking the usual questions about my transition, my family life and so forth.

I wake up just after 7am on Christmas morning and almost immediately bounce out of bed, pulling on a dressing gown and heading downstairs, where my parents are both already up and awake.

“Merry Christmas, Nikki!” Mum and dad both yell, greeting me with quick hugs.

“There’s your pile,” dad says, gesturing to the large pile of gaudily-wrapped gifts on the sofa. “Don’t wait for us, get stuck in!” After smiling and giving dad another hug, I do as he commands, quickly opening the presents. As they’d done for my 16th birthday earlier in the year, my parents have gone all out with their present buying- only this time, everything in the pile is something I either need or want. My usual packet of thick, black socks is replaced by packets of sheer black tights, the usual pair of jeans is replaced by a denim skirt, my t-shirts are replaced by cute crop tops and tank tops, my trainers are replaced by a pair of cute heels, my sports shorts are replaced by leggings and a new leotard, my deodorants and shaving sets are replaced by perfume and cosmetics. I even got that new dress my parents promised- a gorgeous long purple gown with long see-through sleeves that I eagerly pull on after showering! I complete my look with a new pair of black tights, my new heels, red nail polish and full make-up. After brushing my hair out, I head downstairs to approving smiles from my parents.

“Wow!” Mum beams. “You look so beautiful in that dress!”

“Thanks,” I say nervously, sitting down on the now-empty sofa and crossing my legs.

“And thanks for the vouchers!” Dad says, holding aloft the vouchers I bought him for the store where I work (they sell menswear too- not that I’m interested in that, obviously!). “A bit unimaginative, but I guess you are a teenager…”

“Are you ready to head out?” Mum asks, holding my hand supportively.

“No sense putting it off,” I sigh, grabbing my coat and handbag and heading out to the car.

The 35-minute drive to my grandparents’ house is conducted in deathly silence, and by the time we arrive I’m fidgeting in my seat, I’m so anxious.

“Take a deep breath,” mum says, grabbing my arms for support. “No matter what happens now, you’re still our daughter, we still love you more than anything. This is YOUR Christmas. Not theirs.” I nod and step out of the car, standing behind mum as she rings the doorbell.

“Sandra!” My grandmother says, greeting my mum with a kiss. “Merry Christmas! You too, Chris! And- oh.” My grandmother’s face falls as she sees me stood on her doorstep in all my feminine glory.

“…No,” my grandmother says, shaking her head and pointedly looking away from me. “No, I’m letting THAT in my house. He can either dress properly or he can go home!”

“See you next year then,” mum says defiantly, instantly turning her back on her mother and leading me back to the car.

“Wait!” Grandma shouts after us. “You’re just going to go, just like that?”

“You’ve made it clear you’re not going to accept our daughter, so yes, we are going to go,” mum states.

“What’s happening?” Granddad asks, standing next to his wife in the doorway and bristling when he sees me in my dress and heels. “Why is he here dressed like THAT?”

“SHE,” dad says. “You address Nikki as ‘she’, not ‘he’.”

“Don’t be stupid,” granddad spits. “He’s a boy and he always will be!” By now I’m shaking, both from the cold and from nerves, and my mum’s supporting hands on my shoulders are the only thing preventing me from collapsing in a heap.

“SHE. IS. A. GIRL," dad insists. “Some people are born the wrong gender, and Nikki just happens to be one of those people. Now YOU can either accept it, or we’ll go home and spend Christmas by ourselves.”

“But- but it’s not healthy,” grandma pleads.

“Nikki’s been happier and healthier than she’s been in years,” mum says smugly. “She’s doing well at college, she has a group of friends who care deeply about her, she’s even more physically fit than she was 12 months ago.”

“She doesn’t look happier,” granddad snorts.

“That’s because her grandparents are standing in judgement over her on Christmas Day,” dad retorts. “Also, ‘she’ doesn’t look happier?”

“Oh, um,” granddad blurts, backtracking at having been caught out. Seeing that her argument is falling apart, grandma comes up to me and speaks to me, face-to-face.

“Nick,” grandma says softly.

“Nikki,” I whisper.

“N-Nikki,” grandma stutters. “Is- is this what you really want? I need you to tell me honestly. Are you being forced to do this?”

“Of course not,” I sniffle, blinking tears out of my eyes. “This is what I want, this is what I’ve wanted for my whole life! Even if you paid me a million pounds, I wouldn’t go back to being a boy.” Looking in my eyes and seeing that I’m sincere, grandma leans forward and gives me an uneasy, comforting hug.

“I’m sorry,” grandma whispers. Seeing that the rest of the family is standing against him, granddad slowly walks over to me.

“I-“ granddad hesitates, before lowering his head in shame. “I’m sorry too, Nick-Nikki.” I exchange a very awkward hug with the elderly gentleman, before grandma claps her hands.

“Now than,” grandma says with a smile on her face, “we can’t stand out here in the cold all day!” with a broad smile on my face and tears of happiness in my eyes, I follow the rest of the family into the small bungalow.

My grandparents’ presents to me are, as expected, all masculine- football DVDs, shaving kits and the like- so my grandparents are naturally deeply apologetic, assuring me that they’ll keep the receipts and return them for more ‘appropriate’ gifts after the weekend. By the time the Queen’s Speech comes on TV, I’ve been all but fully accepted by the old folks as their granddaughter, and by the time we finish our dinner just after 6:30pm, it’s as if I’d always been a girl.

When it comes to leave the house at 8pm, I exchange long hugs with both grandparents, with none of the earlier awkwardness.

“Let’s not leave it seven months next time, okay?” Grandma asks.

“You got it,” I say with a happy, contented smile on my face.

“And you bring that girlfriend of yours next time too!” Grandma jokes as my parents and myself start the long journey home.

After arriving home I head upstairs and take off my earrings and replace my dress with my new denim skirt and a new top. Before I head downstairs, my eyes are drawn to one final present that I forgot this morning- my secret Santa present from (one of) the girls. I unwrap it slowly, and gasp at the sight inside- a silver charm bracelet with two charms attached underneath- one letter ‘N’ and one letter ‘D’.

“No prizes for guessing who this is from,” I mumble, slipping the bracelet on my wrist, grabbing my phone and heading downstairs. Once I’m on my couch, I open up Facebook and type out a new message to Dannii.

‘Hey,’ I type.

‘Hey Nikki!’ Dannii replies almost instantly. ‘Merry Christmas!!!’

‘Merry Christmas, secret Santa!’ I type, followed by a winking emoticon.

‘OMG,’ Dannii replies, ‘was it THAT obvious?’

‘A charm bracelet with an ‘N’ and a ‘D’ on it? Kinda, yeah,’ I reply.

‘The charms came from my own bracelet,’ Dannii replies. ‘Used to have D-A-N-N-I-I on it, I spent all the budget on your bracelet so I didn’t have any other money to get two Ks or an L, a K or an S, so I figured I’d give you the N and the D to get you started!’

‘Well it’s really cool, thank you so much!’ I reply, not fully believing Dannii’s explanation.

‘My pleasure,’ Dannii replies. ‘Merry Christmas girlie! xxxxxxx’ I close Facebook and put my phone away- Dannii’s present is a lot more personal than either one bought by myself or Sarah, and I’ll bet it’s a lot more personal than either of the ones Katie or Lauren got. I love Dannii as a friend, and probably always will, but the more I speak to her, the more I suspect she may feel more for me- and that’s something that can never happen. I love Sarah. I LOVE love Sarah. My presents for her- that we’ll exchange tomorrow- are personal and intimate, as they should be between two lovers regardless of age.

I suppose I shouldn’t complain- as mum said to my grandparents, I have great friends who’d do anything for me, just as I’d do anything for them. But- Sarah excepted, of course- that’s all they are, friends. And hopefully that’s all they’ll remain…

“Should anyone here present know of any reason why this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony,” the vicar says with a warm, happy smile, “speak now, or forever hold your peace.” Sarah and I- both dressed in identical, beautiful wedding dresses, our hair tied into elaborate matching hairdos and our make-up immaculately applied, stare at each other and smile, but almost immediately, the silence in the church is broken.

“She loves me!!” A voice calls from the back of the church. “She loves me!!” Sarah and I both turn to see Dannii- dressed in another identical wedding dress- sprint up the aisle as the rest of the world freezes in place…

I slowly open my eyes to the gloom of my darkened bedroom. My bed sheets are wrapped around me and my nightdress has become twisted through my tossing and turning.

“Ugh,” I moan. “This NEEDS to stop…”

I eventually get up just over an hour later, having not been able to get back to sleep, and I jump under the shower, letting the warm water cleanse my tired body. As I dry myself off, I muse on how much things have changed for me in such a short space of time.

Physically, I’m starting to notice real changes to my body. My breasts have been the biggest change- I’m now near as makes no difference an A cup, and can produce credible cleavage even without having to resort to falsies (which I still wear most days, just to give me additional ‘shape). My hips and bum have noticeably widened, whilst my waist has shrunk. My hair is now long and luxurious, though this is more due to me taking special care of it than the hormones I’ve been taking, and my skin is baby soft and smooth. Mentally, it’s like I’ve always been ‘chemically’ female. My whole mind feels more… Stabilised, for want of a better word. At the start of my journey, I would have occasional doubts over whether or not this was what I truly wanted- those doubts no longer exist.

My family have continued to be by greatest source of support. Ever since our reconciliation at Christmas, my (maternal) grandparents have been open and loving, just as they were when I was a boy. I drop round to see them every Sunday, and they’ve promised me an extra-special treat for my 17th birthday next month, which I can hardly wait for! Sadly, my paternal grandparents aren’t quite as accepting of me yet- though I have hopes (as do my parents) that they’ll eventually see sense and end this feud. I know for a fact that dad is taking the falling out with his parents especially hard, though he repeatedly insists that his relationship with me is far more important than his relationship with his own mother and father.

That’s not to say I don’t occasionally fall out with my parents- same as any teenaged girl- but I’m forever being reminded of just how much they’ve done and how much they’ve sacrificed to help me on my journey. I’m eternally grateful for their support, but what I’m most grateful for in my life is Sarah.

Whilst she didn’t share my bed tonight, we’ve been sleeping together more and more frequently over the past few weeks, getting more and more adventurous with our sexual exploits as the oestrogen neutralises my ‘boy parts’. We spend virtually every waking moment together as well, both at college and at home. Whilst I’ve been struggling with my studies- barely scraping passes for some of my assignments- Sarah’s excelled, consistently getting the highest possible marks on her work. She’s expanded her online business as well, partnering with Lauren to produce more and more clothes for sale- and for the ‘New Angels’!

The five of us have grown even closer since Christmas. Lauren spends almost as much time with Sarah as I do (spending most of their time working, fortunately) and Katie and I have formed an efficient working partnership as well, even if her grades are far higher than mine! We didn’t get to have the ‘Strictly’ themed party for Katie's birthday in January- instead opting for a ‘Manchester United’ theme (Katie’s a fanatical supporter of theirs) so that Sarah & Lauren wouldn’t have to spend ages making costumes. This, of course, earned Katie some teasing for having such a ‘boyish’ theme for her party, not least from Dannii.

Ah yes, Dannii, the unofficial ‘leader’ of the ‘New Angels’. Since Christmas she’s been spending as much time with the girls- or as she says, ‘girlies’- as possible. She actually dumped her long-suffering boyfriend a few weeks ago after he complained about the amount of time she was spending with us, and two weeks ago she shocked us all when she announced that she’d signed with the rapidly-expanding Joshua Benedict Talent Agency. She really is working very hard in her career, but at the same time has become increasingly diva-like in her attitude and behaviour, particularly toward me. Ever since her intensely personal secret Santa gift, Dannii has been more and more affectionate toward me, especially when we’re alone, which fortunately isn’t that often. I’m more convinced than ever that she has ‘feelings’ for me- and as much as I don’t think I feel the same about her, I don’t want to hurt Dannii by rejecting her, and I certainly don’t want to break apart the closest group of friends I’ve ever had…

After showering, I fix my make-up and nail polish, then pull on a padded bra and a matching pair of panties, followed by some black tights and a pair of charcoal grey shorts. I pull on a clingy black turtleneck and finish my look with a pair of heeled ankle booties, before grabbing my bag- packed with my camera and my college work- kissing both my parents goodbye, and heading out the door.

“Hi Nikki,” Sarah tiredly says to me as we meet outside the gates to the college. “Don’t kiss me, I’m all bunged up… Think I’m coming down with something.”

“Oh no,” I say, holding Sarah’s hands in lieu of a kiss. “Will you be okay for ballet tonight?”

“Doubt it,” Sarah mumbles, before coughing loudly. “Way I feel now, I don’t even know if I’ll be up for Friday…”

“Oh don’t say that!” I say. “It’s our first Valentine’s together as Nikki and Sarah, regardless of how you feel, I want to spend it with you!”

“I don’t want to pour germs down your throat,” Sarah sniffs.

“If they’re your germs, I don’t mind,” I giggle, kissing Sarah on the lips despite her illness. “See you at lunch?”

“Sure,” Sarah says, heading off to her class but coughing all the way there.

“Hey Nikki!” Katie says, greeting me with a quick hug as I sit down next to her. “What’s up?”

“Sarah’s sick,” I say sadly. “She might not be well for Friday…”

“Oh no,” Katie says. “And this is your first Valentine’s as girl and girl, isn’t it?”

“Yep,” I sigh. “Had something all special planned too… Anyway, how was ballet yesterday?”

“Same as always,” Katie giggles. “Dannii showing off, sucking up to Krystie and Viks… In fairness, she is a really, really talented dancer.”

“Yeah,” I say. “You know, I didn’t actually enjoy ballet at first, I only went along because Sarah was desperate to go. Either that or she was desperate to stalk the Angels, I dunno.”

“…And?” Katie asks.

“…And what?” I ask in reply.

“…And,” Katie says. “You said you didn’t enjoy ballet ‘at first’. Can I assume you do enjoy it now?”

“Well I am taking my first intermediate class tonight,” I say with a smug smile, making Katie grin and giggle happily.

“Oh my god, that’s so cool!” Katie laughs. “You’ll be en pointe before you know it!” We both giggle loudly as the class starts and we get down to work…

After hours of hard study, it’s a relief when we’re finally dismissed and allowed to head off to lunch, where Lauren and Dannii are waiting- but much to my dismay, Sarah isn’t.

“Hey Nikki,” Lauren says softly. “Sarah’s had to go home- she’s really, really sick. She told me to tell you that she definitely won’t be going to ballet tonight.”

“Okay,” I say, checking my phone to see if my girlfriend had left me a message whilst I was in class- and much to my surprise, she hasn’t.

“That sucks so much,” Dannii interjects. “Has she let Krys know?” Katie and I exchange a quick, knowing glance over Dannii’s supposed familiarity with our dance teacher.

“I’m sure she’ll call her,” I say.

“It was your first inter class as well,” Dannii continues. “I was SO looking forward to seeing photos of you in your white tights and your leotards…”

“Changing the subject,” Katie says, much to my relief, “what’s everyone doing for V-Day?”

“Spending most of the evening in Michael’s pants,” Lauren says, prompting a mass giggle from the table.

“Same here, only with Jason’s pants,” Katie giggles.

“I’m…” Dannii begins sadly. “Probably going to spend the evening with friends.”

“YOU’RE the one who dumped HIM,” Lauren reminds her best friend. “Don’t blame anyone else for you not getting laid!”

“I’m not, I’m not,” Dannii says defensively. “Besides, a hot, successful model like me can have any boy she wants!”

“Speaking of modelling,” I say, “when ARE you actually going to do any work for Mr. Benedict?”

“I’ve got two shoots lined up this week, actually,” Dannii smugly replies. “One fashion shoot, one for a new make-up company. I’d have done a shoot for a tights manufacturer as well, but because of some stupid law I can’t do underwear shoots until I’m eighteen…”

“Despite your legs being 41 inches long?” Lauren teases.

“If my crotch isn’t covered by trousers or a skirt, apparently it’s ‘indecent’,” Dannii spits. “I mean, how is that even remotely right? I can have sex at sixteen, but I can’t flaunt my sexuality until I’m eighteen?”

“You’ll just have to hurry up and turn eighteen then, won’t you?” I say, making Dannii giggle and smile flirtatiously at me despite the sarcastic nature of my joke.

After struggling through an afternoon of studying and photo editing, I head home and quickly eat dinner before heading upstairs and changing into a brand-new pair of silky white tights and my trusty black spaghetti-strapped leotard, before pulling my shorts and turtleneck back on and tying my hair back into a small bun. After grabbing my dance bag, I’m about to approach my dad and ask if he can give me a lift to ballet, when I’m distracted by a knock on my front door.

“Boo!” Dannii yells, making me jump as I open the door. “Are you ready?” Despite being in Krystie’s advanced ballet class, Dannii is dressed identically to me, the only difference being that she’s wearing a flimsy black dance skirt instead of shorts.

“Umm… You’re not in my class, are you?” I ask, confused by Dannii’s sudden appearance on my doorstep.

“No,” Dannii explains. “But Sarah’s sick, and it’s your first day in a new class, I thought you’d appreciate a friendly face being there- and, of course, a lift to the studio!”

“Suits me!” Dad laughs from his sofa.

“Then it’s settled,” Dannii says smugly, grabbing my hand and leading me to the back seat of her car.

“Thanks for the lift, Mr. Samson,” I say to Dannii’s dad as he drives us into central London.

“Don’t mention it,” the middle-aged man replies. “Danielle told me how much you loved ballet, she’s booked a month of remedial intermediate classes for herself so it just made sense to give you a lift.” So I’m going to have to endure a whole month of Dannii at ballet? Jeez…

“I’m very grateful, thanks,” I repeat.

“This’ll be so cool!” Dannii gushes. “And this way, I don’t have to wait for photos of you in your cute outfit!” Much to my horror, Dannii quickly strokes my tights-covered leg.

“Yeah,” I uneasily giggle as we speed off toward the studio.

“Hi Nikki!” Krystie- my dance teacher- greets me as I step into her dance studio. “Big day today! I’ve heard from Sarah, sucks that she can’t make it to her first class, but- Oh, hi Dannii.”

“Hi!” Dannii says enthusiastically. “Just thought I’d come along to support my best girl Nikki here!”

“Oh, okay,” Krystie says. “But you’re dressed for a lesson…” Clearly Krystie didn’t get the memo about Dannii asking her for remedial lessons…

“Yeah,” Dannii says cautiously. “I was wondering if I could, you know, pay for an extra lesson this week?”

“Hmm, well okay,” Krystie says, clearly taken aback by the tall girl. “This stuff’s a bit basic for you, though. And you won’t need your pointes- only your soft shoes.”

“Oh, okay,” Dannii says, quickly swapping her satin pointe shoes for soft canvas ballet slippers.

“Speaking of pointes,” Krystie says, returning her attention to me and smiling, “I want to get you and Sarah onto pointe shoes by November, provided you both work hard at your dancing. It’s kind-of a rite of passage for girls, and Sarah’s 18 in November, so I really want to get you into the advanced class by then.”

“Oh my god, thank you!” I say.

“You are SO right,” Dannii says to Krystie. “I remember when I got my pointes when I was 12, it was, like, the BEST day of my life!”

“Yeah, same here,” Krystie says half-heartedly. “Come on, lesson’s about to start!”

After 90 minutes of much more technical and difficult dancing than I’m used to, the lesson ends and I walk out of the studio with Dannii following closely behind.

“Oh my god, you’re such a talented dancer!” Dannii enthuses. “Even despite your ‘handicap’!” I giggle at Dannii’s ‘nickname’ of my status.

“Thanks,” I say. “Just wish Sarah could’ve been here, she’s much more talented than I am.”

“I dunno,” Dannii teases. “You’re pretty good… Pretty flexible, too!”

“I’ve got to call her,” I say, desperately trying to brush off Dannii without offending her. “Tell her the good news. About, um, the pointe shoes.”

“Oh, okay,” Dannii says, clearly slightly offended that I’d prefer to talk to my girlfriend than to her. Unfortunately, when I call Sarah’s number, there’s no reply.

“She’s probably asleep,” I mumble. “Gonna have to drop round tomorrow, after college.”

“Noo,” Dannii says. “You can’t tomorrow, I’ve got a surprise for you!”

“Umm, what surprise, exactly?” I ask as we get into Dannii’s dad’s car.

“Okay,” Dannii dramatically sighs. “You’ve twisted my arm… I may have got you an interview with my current agent, that’s all…” My jaw drops, and after a brief pause, I forget my reservations and give Dannii a long, tight hug.

“Oh my god oh my god!” I squeak. “Thank you so much! How- how did you even arrange this?”

“Easy,” Dannii says smugly. “I just told them how sexy and talented you were, they set up an interview!”

“Will it be with Joshua himself?” I ask.

“Of course,” Dannii replies, clearly loving the attention I’m suddenly lavishing on her. “He interviews ALL his prospective models. And you never know, you may run into an Angel while you’re there…”

“Oh my god, this is so awesome!” I squeak, allowing myself to get carried away despite the fact that we were in the presence of an Angel less than ten minutes ago.

“My mum will pick you up tomorrow from your house at 3:30,” Dannii says. “Make sure you’ve got something smart and sexy to change into!”

“I will,” I say, still hyper about the interview.

After arriving home- and explaining the interview to my parents, who were (as always when it comes to my modelling ‘career’) supportive but apprehensive- I went straight upstairs and worked on updating my portfolio, not even bothering to change out of my dancewear until it was time for bed. It only once I’m changed into my nightie that I remember, despite the excitement of the interview, that I have a girlfriend who’s unwell and could probably use some kind words from the girl she loves. I grab my phone and open up Facebook.

‘Hey,’ I type into a new chat window to Sarah. 30 seconds later, I get a reply.

‘Hey you,’ Sarah replies.

‘How you feeling?’ I ask.

‘Awful,’ Sarah replies with a frowny face. ‘I wish you were here in bed with me…’

‘I wish I was there too xxx,’ I reply.

‘How was ballet?’ Sarah asks.

‘So cool,’ I reply, hesitating over whether or not to mention Dannii’s presence, but opting against it in the end. ‘A lot harder than beginner class though!’ I smile before typing the next message. ‘Krystie reckons we’ll be ready for pointes in 9 months!’

‘OMG!!!!!’ Sarah types. ‘I must get better, I must get better…’

‘Lol,’ I type with a smiley face. ‘I’ll let you get to sleep so you can get rid of this flu. Love you babe xxxxx’

‘Love you too xxxxx,’ Sarah replies, before going offline.

Once again, in my sleep, I’m stood in a church, dressed in an elaborate, pure white wedding dress. However, unlike before, my dress is now a tutu, and I’m wearing pointe shoes on my feet. Wearing an identical costume and dancing en pointe with me is Dannii, who lives deep into my eyes and smiles.

I wake up with a gasp and clamp my spare pillow over my face, stifling a scream of pure frustration over my hyperactive subconscious.

After showering, taking my hormone pills, fixing my make-up and getting dressed in thick black tights, a cute brown top and denim miniskirt, I remember Dannii’s advice and pick my only skirt suit out of my wardrobe. It’s in a dark grey, with a straight knee-length pencil skirt and a fitted jacket. I look far older than I actually am when wearing it, but I do look damned sexy in it, even if I do say so myself! I pick out a pair of shoes to go with the suit- cute pointed-toe stilettos with a 3” heel- and slip my feet into a pair of cute flats for college, before grabbing my bag, kissing both my parents goodbye and heading out the door.

Sarah’s still unwell so I meet up with Katie at the college gate and head into the building with her instead, though for lunch we still meet up with Lauren, who of course has Dannii with her.

“Big day today!” Dannii squeaks as I sit down. “Are you all ready?” Thanks for blurting that out to everyone, Dannii… I think to myself.

“Yeah,” I say, forcing a smile onto my face.

“What’s this now?” Katie asks.

“It- it’s nothing, really…” I mutter.

“Thanks for writing off all the effort I put in to get you this interview as ‘nothing’,” Dannii says, making me wince a little. “Our Miss Thomas will soon be joining me as a Joshua Benedict girl!”

“Oh my god!” Katie squeaks, looking at me excitedly.

“Oh my god, really?” Lauren asks.

“It’s just an interview,” I sigh. “Joshua must get hundreds of models a day kicking down his door to get on his books. I am really, really grateful you go me this interview, Dannii.”

“Apology accepted,” the tall girl says smugly.

“This is gonna be so awesome,” Katie breathes. “Hey, when you get signed, can you get me an interview?”

“Of course!” I say confidently, earning me a hug!

For the rest of the day, even though we try to get work done, all Katie can talk about is the interview, which does my nerves no good whatsoever. Fortunately, I’m able to persuade my tutor to let me finish off the rest of the day’s work at home, so I leave college at 2pm, giving me plenty of time to get home and dressed. After I leave, I check my phone to see if there are any missed calls or messages from Sarah, but to my surprise, the only missed call is from Lauren. Wondering why she’d call me when we were only speaking an hour earlier, I flick the ‘redial’ button with my fuchsia-coloured thumbnail.

“Hi Nikki,” Lauren says, answering her phone after the second ring.

“Hey girlie,” I say happily. “You bunking off too?”

“Yeah,” Lauren replies. “Can’t get much done without Sarah here. Anyway, that’s not why I called… We need to talk about Dannii.”

“What’s up with her?” I ask, though inside, I already know what Lauren’s going to say.

“I’ve seen her like this before,” Lauren sighs. “You know how she’s completely incapable of taking ‘no’ for an answer…”

“Yeah…” I say. “This interview… I only found out about it yesterday evening. Barely had time to prepare for it.”

“Doesn’t surprise me,” Lauren replies. “I mean, I love her and all, she’s my oldest friend, it’s just- she can be a bit mental at times. And I’m pretty sure she’s got the hots for you.” Whilst this information doesn’t surprise me, hearing it confirmed by a friend somehow makes it more ‘real’.

“I can take care of myself, don’t worry,” I say, faking a smile.

“Be sure that you do,” Lauren says. “It’s far too soon for the ‘New Angels’ to split up, we’re not rich and famous yet!”

“Heh, talk to you later,” I say.

“See you soon Nikki!” Lauren says, ending the call.

I arrive back home shortly after and change into my smart skirt and heels, also exchanging my thick black tights for a lighter, translucent pair and taking the time to enhance my make-up. I hesitate before pulling on the jacket- it is a lot more formal than a 16 year old girl should wear, even to a job interview, but I remember being told stories about how the interviewer always insists on formal wear for all of his employees- so it couldn't hurt to make a good impression. The last time I'd interviewed for him, I'd just worn a pencil skirt and a smart top- and this may have damaged my chances of getting representation.

Before I stand up from my dresser, I notice the charm bracelet Dannii bought me for Christmas laying on the side. Since I got it, I've enhanced with various charms including a ‘K’, an ‘L’ and an ‘S’ to go with the ‘N’ and ‘D’ already on there. Smirking, I slip it on my wrist underneath the cuff of my blouse. As promised, Dannii knocks on my door at exactly half past three, wearing a suit of her own with a short skirt that exposes almost all of her incredible legs.

“Hey Nikki!” Dannii says, giving me a quick hug. “All ready for your big interview?”

“I think so,” I say, grabbing my bag and my hastily-printed portfolio.

“You’ll be great,” Dannii says, grabbing my hand and leading me to her mum’s car. “And I’ll go in with you so you’ll have a friendly face on your side! Speaking of friendly face… We’re going to make a quick stop at my house en route.”

“Is- is there time?” I ask, crossing my legs and smoothing my skirt over my thighs.

“Oh we’ll have plenty of time,” Dannii says dismissively. “They’re not expecting you until 4:30!” An hour!? It doesn’t take an hour to get from my house to Joshua’s place… Dannii had this planned in advance…

Sure enough, we arrive at Dannii’s parents’ house a short while later. I've been here before, but it's always an imposing place, especially when it's just the two of us. The house is a lot bigger, and a lot posher than mine- at least four bedrooms, even though Dannii doesn’t have any brothers or sisters. After arriving, Dannii quickly leads me up the stairs- despite my pleas for her to slow down because of my heels- to her bedroom, where she sits me down in front of her dresser. As with her house, her bedroom’s a lot larger than either mine or Sarah’s- as are her wardrobes and make-up collections. Her walls are covered in photos, most of which are of Dannii and the ‘New Angels’.

“Okay,” Dannii says. “First thing, your hair.” Dannii grabs a pair of ceramic hair straighteners and immediately sets about straightening my usually wavy hair before brushing it out into a more feminine style than I’ve ever been able to manage. Dannii then mixes two subtle shades of pink and silver eye shadow together before applying them to my eyelids, and recoats my fingernails with a deep crimson polish.

“Now this,” Dannii says, pulling a small tube out of her drawers, “is my absolute favouritest lipstick. Pucker up!” Dannii leans in to me to apply the cosmetic, but I instinctively lean back. Suddenly, my mind flashes back to the first time I ever dressed with Sarah almost three years ago, the way she brushes out my hair- well, wig, but same difference- the way she put her own make-up on me… The way we fell in love…

“I- I can put on my own lipstick,” I say nervously, my heart fluttering as Dannii giggles and hands me the tube, which I liberally apply to my lips, loving the taste of apples and cherries it brings. When I look in the mirror, I can hardly recognise the glamorous woman staring back at me- even though I’ve been living full-time as a female for the last nine months.

“SEXY. WOMAN.” Dannii enthuses as I do a quick twirl for her. “You know, sharing lipstick is kinda like kissing, in a way…”

“If you say so,” I nervously reply, retrieving my handbag and heading out of Dannii’s room.

“Hang on a sec,” The tall girl says. Much to my surprise, Dannii then removes her heels and replaces them with a pair of plain flats, so we stand at almost the exact same height.

“Much better,” Dannii says, looking me directly in the eye. “Come on! Mr. Benedict will see you now!” Giggling, Dannii leads me down her stairs- even faster than before, despite me protesting that I’m still wearing my heels.

We arrive at the agency’s new offices a short while later. They’re a far cry from the small office I interviewed in last year, much more spacious, and more open and welcoming. Guess that’s what having a successful TV show will do for you…

We barely get to the desk to check in when we’re interrupted by a loud, vaguely African voice booming across the reception area.

“Danielle Samson!” The man happily shouts. “Have you brought me a new superstar?”

“I have indeed, Mr. Benedict,” Dannii smugly replies. “This GORGEOUS young woman to my left is-“

“Nicola Thomas!” Mr. Benedict says, finishing Dannii’s sentence. “We met last year, didn’t we?”

“We did, yes,” I say nervously, giving the millionaire a light, feminine handshake.

“I remember you well!” Mr. Benedict says warmly. “I remember telling you to expand your portfolio!”

“I did!” I say, holding up my folder and still giggling inappropriately.

“Come into my office, we’ll have a look at it!” Mr. Benedict says, leading the two of us into his plush office. “Are you parents not able to come?”

“The interview was too short notice,” I explain. “They couldn’t get the time off of work.”

“Okay,” the tall, dark-skinned man says. “If I sign you they would need to sign consent forms, that’s all. I trust you’re not here behind their back, though!”

“No, of course not,” I answer, sitting down in the comfortable chair and crossing my left leg over my right.

“Good,” Mr. Benedict laughs. “Dannii knows how lucky she is that I gave her a second chance for pulling that trick!” Oh really? I think to myself as my interviewer flicks through my folder.

“I won’t deny,” the jovial man says, “I see real potential in these photographs. I’m especially impressed by the ones you took yourself! Lining up a shot whilst simultaneously being in it isn’t easy. But… I’m concerned by the lack of professional work, and that you don’t already have representation. In the past I’ve hired amateurs, but there are only so many places available on my books, and a LOT of people wanting to fill them.”

“I see,” I say, somewhat disappointed by the man’s negative tone.

“But!” He continues. “You came here dolled up for an interview, seems a shame to wear such a good suit without taking a few photos of it!” I smile as Dannii gives my hand a quick squeeze and Mr. Benedict leads out of his office and into his small photography studio, where I spend the next ten minutes posing, showing off my clothes and make-up as he photographs me.

“Very good!” The tall man says after we finish the ‘session’. “You’re clearly a natural. As I said, I have a lot of interviews to conduct, but I’ll let you know soon whether or not there’s a place for you in our family!”

“Thank you,” I gush, desperately trying to suck up to my prospective employer. “Thank you so much for this opportunity!”

A short while later, I’m stood in the agency’s very fancy washroom, cleaning up after a visit that I was almost desperate for by the end of the interview!

“Thanks for coming with me,” I say as I check my make-up in the mirror. “I really do appreciate it.”

“Hey, anything for my fellow 'New' Angel,” Dannii says, giving me a quick squeeze. “Need to touch up your lippy?” Dannii produces the same lipstick I’d applied earlier from my bag, which I gratefully take from her.

“You ARE an Angel,” I say, applying another thick coat of the fruity cosmetic to my lips.

“Thanks,” Dannii says, taking the tube out of my hands. "Oh my god! You're wearing the bracelet!"

"It's my first real charm bracelet," I explain as Dannii fiddles with the thin chain. "Figured it'd bring me good luck."

"Well you ARE here," Dannii says. "In the most awesome modelling agency in the country, with me..." Dannii takes my hand in hers and looks into my eyes, and it's like an electric shock passes through my body.

Ever since the start of my hormone treatments, my sex drive has been virtually non-existent, but staring into Dannii’s deep blue eyes now, I feel something, something indescribable. My heart rate skyrockets and I feel my palms start to sweat. Simultaneously, the two of us lean into each other and we kiss, a long, slow, passionate kiss that lasts for an eternity.

We break away for a brief second and stare into each other’s eyes as we process what just happened. The moment overtakes us again and we lean in, kissing deeply one more time, before a wave of guilt floods my body.

“No,” I say, breaking away from Dannii and leaning on a sink, almost hyperventilating.

“Nikki,” Dannii says, wrapping her hands around my slender waist. “You can’t tell me you didn’t enjoy that…” And she’s right- I did, I did enjoy it a lot. And that’s why I feel so guilty.

“I LOVE Sarah,” I say firmly.

"Sarah's not here," Dannii says. "I am."

"But she's my soulmate," I plead, trying to convince myself as much as I am Dannii.

“Has Sarah ever got you an interview for your dream job?” Dannii asks, resting her head on my shoulder.

“No,” I sigh. “But she’s the one who helped me start my dream LIFE.”

“You honestly, truly don’t know what you’re turning down,” Dannii says.

“Maybe not,” I sigh. “But I know what I’d be giving up. I’m- I’m sorry, Dannii. If I wasn’t Sarah’s girlfriend then yes, I’d go out with you in a heartbeat. But this- we- this just can’t happen. I’ll always love you, just as a friend.” Dannii looks into my eyes, her own eyes filled with frustration that drains as she sees that my feelings for Sarah are genuine.

“You- you really do love her, don’t you?” Dannii asks, tears in her eyes.

“With all my heart,” I reply, closing my eyes and allowing mental images of Sarah’s face to flood my brain.

“I’ll always love you,” Dannii says bluntly. “You’ll spend the rest of your life wondering what could have been.”

“I can live with that,” I whisper. “As long as I have her.” Nodding silently, Dannii takes both of my hands in hers and gives me one final, soft kiss on my lips.

“So… I guess this is the last time we’ll see each other?” Dannii says sadly.

“I don’t see why it has to be,” I say, trying to cheer up the girl- who is still one of my very best friends. “What happens here can stay here. Besides, my girlfriend’s working with your best friend… How about we just say this never happened and that we’re just good- no, GREAT- friends?”

“New Angels forever?” Dannii asks. "Really? After what just happened?"

“New Angels forever and EVER,” I reply, grinning confidently. "Just because we made a mistake doesn't mean it's the end of the world."

"God, make me love you more, why don't you?" Dannii pouts, before letting out a long sigh. "You're right, I guess... Can- can we just go home, please?" I silently nod, grabbing my bag as we head to Dannii's mother's car.

“So then, how did it go?” Dad asks as I step through front door. “I know how much you wanted this last year, I’m assuming this hasn’t changed?”

“A few things have changed,” I say quietly, before grinning a wide, genuine grin. “This isn’t one of them!” My grin stays on my face as I change from my suit and my blouse back into the skirt and top I was wearing earlier. From what Mr. Benedict was saying, I’m not confident I’m going to get signed as a model. The one thing I’ve learned from my course, though, is that I much prefer being in front of the camera than behind it, and Joshua Benedict talent isn’t the only agent in the country.

However, as sure as I am about my professional life, today’s events have left my personal life in turmoil. It wasn’t the case that Dannii forced herself onto me- I was fully aware of what I was doing evert step of the way. I WANTED Dannii, and she wanted me. I felt a lust that I hadn’t felt before at any point in my young life- not even with Sarah, the supposed love of my life. How am I meant to tell her that I kissed another woman? Am I meant to tell her? What if Dannii tells her? It’ll never happen again, I can make sure of that, but it should never have happened in the first place…

After checking to see whether or not Sarah was logged on to Facebook- she wasn’t- I send her a quick text message reminding her just how much I love her, before immersing myself in TV and coursework for the rest of the night.

My sleep that night is dreamless, which comes as a relief given recent events. After eating breakfast, showering and taking my pills, I opt for an ‘androgynous’ look for college today, pulling on a plain sweater and a pair of tight girly jeans instead of a skirt or dress, and lace-up shoes instead of ballet flats or heels. I still wear make-up, of course, and my nails are still painted a deep crimson. Unsurprisingly, this ‘change’ is commented on when I arrive at college.

“Why are you hiding those great ballerina's legs of yours all of a sudden?” Katie- who, as usual, is wearing a knee-length skirt and black tights- asks upon seeing my conservative look.

“Ugh, long story,” I reply as we head to our class.

With Sarah still off sick, Katie and I meet up with Lauren and Dannii for one of the tensest lunch hours of my college career to date. Much to my surprise, Dannii is also wearing tight jeans instead of her usual miniskirt.

“Hey girlies,” Dannii says, but without her usual over-the-top enthusiasm.

“Are you okay, Dannii?” Katie asks, casting a sideways glance at me.

“Yeah…” Dannii sighs. “Just a bit iffy. Heh, might have caught your girlfriend’s flu!”

“Heh,” I reply nervously, concentrating hard on eating my food.

“Well keep it away from me, whatever you two do!” Katie jokes.

“Are you feeling ill too, Nikki?” Lauren asks- though it’s clear from the expression on her face that she knows what’s REALLY up.

“A little,” I say. “Haven’t actually seen Sarah since Tuesday, maybe I’m just heartsick.”

“Hehe,” Katie giggles. “What’s everyone got planned for tomorrow, then?”

“NOT getting back with Jordan,” Dannii says confidently. “Though this’ll be my first Valentine’s Day single in 4 years…”

“So…” Katie says incredulously. “You’re telling me you had a boyfriend AND a Valentine’s date when you were 13?”

“You’re telling me you DIDN’T?” Dannii replies.

“Looks like Jason’s got a LOT of catching up to do,” Katie says, making the table giggle and thankfully lessening the tension.

“Seriously,” Dannii sighs. “I’ll probably just stay home… How about you, Nikki?”

“God, I dunno,” I sigh. “Last two years I went to a movie with Sarah. First year, obviously, it was Nick and Sarah, not Nikki and Sarah, last year… I was actually dressed more femininely than I am now!” Once again, the girls at the table giggle, especially Dannii, whose laugh has a tinge of sadness to it that pulls at my heartstrings despite my best efforts. “Obviously if she’s still laid up that’s not going to be an option this year.”

“That sucks when you’re ill during a holiday,” Lauren says. “I remember being laid up with tonsillitis two Christmases in a row, that was just NOT fair.”

“Ugh, poor you,” Katie says. “Still, if your tonsils get ill now, you’ve always got Michael to kiss them better, right?”

“You… do know that tonsils are located at the back of the mouth, right?” Lauren asks, making Katie grin widely.

“Yep!” Katie replies, making everyone giggle yet again, getting rid of the last of the tension that had permeated the table. After lunch, I stand up to go back to class with Katie when my eyes meet Dannii’s, and it’s clear that I need to speak to her yet again.

“I’ll meet you in the computer lab,” I say to my work collaborator, who quietly nods and leaves.

“I’ll talk to you later,” Lauren says to me as she leaves me alone with Dannii.

“So…” I start, breaking the awkward silence.

“So,” Dannii says. “I see you’re not wearing the bracelet today…” I grab my wrist and discover that she’s right- I must have left it off without thinking.

“I… don’t usually wear it to college,” I say.

“You know,” Dannii says, “I only come here for lunch because of you.”

“…And not Lauren?” I ask.

“Don’t get me wrong,” Dannii says. “Lauren will always be my best friend, but that first day I met you… You just stuck in my brain. And not just because you’re a boy who turned into a gorgeous, girly girl. You’re clever, you’re funny… And you’re taken.”

“Did you dump Jordan for me?” I ask quietly.

“Nah,” Dannii says dismissively. “I’d got tired of him AGES ago.”

“Are you still going to come for lunch?” I ask.

“When I can,” Dannii sighs. “I doubt I’ll ever get you out of my head. And seeing you with her… It was hard before, god knows what it’ll be like now… Have you told her yet?” I shake my head, tears threatening to form in my eyes.

“Don’t,” Dannii advises. “What happened there won’t happen again. You made very sure of that yesterday.”

“You’ll find someone,” I say softly, grabbing Dannii’s slender hand. “Any straight guy in the country would give their right arm to be your boyfriend. And, for that matter, any gay girl would give their right arm to be your girlfriend.”

“Just not EVERY gay girl,” Dannii sighs, looking me in the eyes. “I’ve got to get to work, can’t advertise make-up without a face to put it on! I’ll see you around, Nikki.” I nod and stand up, but only get a few steps before Dannii calls me back.

“Oh Nikki,” the tall girl says. “You never did say what you were doing for V-Day.”

“Ugh,” I groan. “Probably sexting Sarah if she’s up to it…”

“You wouldn’t rather be there in person?” Dannii teases.

“More than you know,” I sigh. “I’m even happy to risk getting sick, but Sarah probably won’t be up to anything more than laying on the sofa and sleeping…”

“That doesn’t mean you can’t have a romantic day,” Dannii says with a sly smile. “It just means you’ll have to do a bit more work than usual…”

“What exactly do you mean?” I ask, bringing an almost devilish smile to Dannii’s lips…

After an afternoon full of editing photos and videos (and the occasional argument) with Katie, I all but drag my weary body to the office that has been my sanctuary for well over a year.

"Hi Nikki," Dr. Williamson says as I park myself on one of her chairs. "You look different from normal, are you okay?"

"I've really been better," I sigh. "I... I've done something stupid."

"Okay," Dr. Williamson says. "Tell me what's happened."

"I've told you about Dannii, right?" I ask.

"She's one of the members of your close friendship group, right?" Dr. Williamson asks, and I nod in response.

"Yesterday," I begin. "We- we kissed."

"I see," Dr. Williamson replies with professional stoicism. "And how did this make you feel?"

"I don't know," I reply truthfully, trying to keep tears out of my eyes. "I mean, I love Sarah, I always have, I always will but Dannii, she's- she's something entirely different."

"You're hardly the first teenager to face temptation," Dr. Williamson assures me. "Tell me how you felt immediately before you kissed Dannii."

"I felt..." I begin. "Excited. Like it was something new, uncharted territory."

"And how did it feel after you'd kissed?" the therapist calmly asks me.

"Anxious," I say. "Like I knew I screwed up, screwed up in a mind-bogglingly massive way."

"If it makes you feel any better," Dr Williamson says, "I've heard this story plenty of times before. You had a moment of weakness and acted upon it, and now you're struggling to cope with the guilt."

"How do I cope with the guilt?" I ask, fearing what the answer may be.

"There are several techniques," Dr. Williamson says, grabbing a marker pen and approaching her whiteboard.

After a full hour of analysis and helpful advice from the woman who has become as much a friend as she has a therapist, I head home and immediately log on to Facebook, where- much to my relief and delight- Sarah is showing as ‘online’.

‘Evening beautiful,’ I type.

‘xxxxxxxxx,’ comes the almost immediate response.

‘Feeling better?’ I ask.

‘Yeah,’ Sarah replies. ‘Not throwing up any more but still feel like I’ve got a head full of shit.’

‘Poor you…’ I reply, following up with a long string of ‘x’s.

‘I really, really wish you were here,’ Sarah types. ‘Haven’t seen you in over 2 days, I don’t want to be without my soulmate that long!’

‘It’s been torture for me,’ I type.

‘I guarantee you it was worse for me,’ Sarah replies with a sticking-tongue-out smiley.

‘Lol,’ I reply. ‘Will you be up for anything tomorrow?’

‘Only coughing and sneezing on my sofa,’ Sarah replies with a frowning emoticon. Remembering my earlier conversation with Dannii, I smile a devilish grin of my own.

‘Perfect,’ I reply. ‘See you at 6:30?’

‘Umm, you DO know I’m sick, right?’ Sarah types.

‘Uh-huh,’ I reply. ‘6:30 tomorrow?’

‘Umm, okay…’ Sarah types. I spend the rest of the evening on Facebook catching up with the woman I love, skilfully deflecting all of her attempts to discover what I have planned for the following night, and NOT mentioning my ‘mistake’ with Dannii. I eventually climb into bed just after 11pm, and that’s only because Sarah herself went to bed. I’d have happily stayed up all night chatting to her- even though it’s a school night- and it wouldn’t have been the first time I’d done so.

My alarm wakes me from another dreamless sleep, and I hop out of bed with a spring in my step, and not just because it’s Friday. When I’m ready to leave the house, I dress in a knee-length denim skirt, a clingy grey top, black tights and heeled ankle booties, and I take extra care on my make-up so that yesterday’s ‘androgynous girl’ is replaced by ‘beautiful sex kitten’.

“Hello gorgeous!” Katie greets me as I enter the college. “Good to see that ‘long story’ had an ending to it!”

“And a happy ending, too,” I say, giggling with my friend as we head to class.

Lunch that days so much smoother than it had the day before. Katie and Lauren both gush over their upcoming dates with their boyfriends whilst Dannii and I listen intently, and we all speculate over the upcoming wedding of 'Angel' Mary Logan. As I head back to class, however, I’m stopped once again by Dannii.

“As promised,” the tall girl says, handing me a large carrier bag. “Hope Sarah likes it as much as Jordan did!”

“Oh, she will,” I say. “I’ll MAKE her. Once again, you are an absolute Angel.”

“I dunno about ‘Angel’,” Dannii sighs. “Just call me your ‘fairy godsister’!”

“There’s no such thing as a ‘godsister’, is there?” I ask.

“There is now!” Dannii exclaims, making us both double over in fits of giggles. "You make her love you as much as you deserve to be loved, Nikki!"

After a quick dinner at home, I change into my ‘outfit’ for the night, pulling a long coat on top of it so only my nylon-covered shins and feet show.

“I take it I shouldn’t expect to see you home tonight?” Dad asks stoically as I step out of his car, taking my bag of treats- flowers, chocolates and grapes- for Sarah as I go.

“Correct,” I say with a wicked smile as I slowly- due to my extra-high heels- stride toward Sarah’s front door and ring her doorbell.

“Nikki,” Beverly says, answering the door. “Hi, I’m sorry, but Sarah really isn’t well enough to go out tonight.”

“That’s okay,” I say. “I just want to see her, if that’s okay.”

“Oh, okay,” Beverly says with an air of confusion. “But you’re all made up, and dressed…” I beam a friendly smile at Beverly as I slowly climb the stairs in my excessive heels, wondering what the middle-aged woman must think about the vertical seams on the back of my hose…

“Hello?” I say quietly, knocking on Sarah’s bedroom door.

"Nikki?" Sarah croaks, smiling at me from underneath her bed sheets as I poke my head around the door.

"Happy Valentine's Day," I say softly, handing Sarah her bag of presents.

"You didn't need to come round," Sarah sniffs as she opens her presents. "And I can't smell these flowers or eat these chocolates anyway!"

"Oh, that's okay," I say with a grin. "That's not your MAIN present anyway."

"...Where is my main present, then?" Sarah asks.

"Right here," I say, dropping my coat and exposing my outfit, which- as predicted- makes Sarah's jaw drop and her eyes (bloodshot as they are) go wide as dinner plates. I'm wearing an absolutely tiny nurse's dress, under which you can clearly see the tops of my stockings and the garters they're attached to. Underneath, I have on my sexiest bra and thong, the former of which is amplifying what little cleavage I have, the latter of which (when combined with my scandalously short hemline) exposes my bare buttocks every time I bend over. My 5" platform heels, thick make-up and the nurse's hat on my head serve to complete my sexy look.

"'Nurse Nikki' will get you all better, just leave everything to me!" I purr, sitting cross-legged on the side of Sarah's bed.

"Nikki," Sarah says quietly. "I spoke to Dannii." My heart plummets and I almost faint as my girlfriend looks at me stoically.

"I'm sorry," I say, tears welling in my eyes. "I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry! I'm sor-"

"She told me how she kissed you, and how you pushed her away," Sarah says, a smile creeping onto her lips. "She told me how sorry she was, how it would never ever happen again, and that she'd stay away from the rest of the group if I wanted." This time, it's my jaw's turn to drop- Dannii had taken the full blame when she could easily have destroyed my relationship, freeing me up for herself.

"And- and do you want that?" I ask.

"At first I did," Sarah whispers. "But she's Lauren's best friend, I do most of my work with Lauren... And I can hardly blame Dannii for finding you as amazing as I do, can I? Besides, we ARE the New Angels... We can find a way past this, can't we?" I nod quietly. "I doubt I'll ever trust her alone with you again. But the important thing is, my amazing sexy girlfriend is still MY amazing sexy girlfriend." Now openly crying, I lean in and give the poorly girl a tight hug that I only release when Sarah starts coughing.

"And Dannii DID lend you that costume, I take it?" Sarah asks, playing with the delicate material of my stocking tops.

"How many 16 year old girls do you know who'd have one of these?" I ask, fiddling with the hem of the dress.

"Dannii's never been 16," Sarah half-laughs and half-coughs. "I swear that girl turned 18 on her 13th birthday."

"I know what you mean," I giggle.

"I'm just glad it's you in the costume and not her," Sarah says, before dramatically swooning back on her pillow. "Nurse," Sarah flamboyantly cries. "I need grapes!"

"Of course, Miss Phillips," I purr, leaning over Sarah and feeding her her grapes one at a time.

"I also need that nail polish," Sarah quips, making us both giggle. "Just one more grape please, nurse..." I smile wickedly as I tuck the grape between my scarlet-coloured lips and lean into Sarah.

"Really?" Sarah asks. "You want my germs?"

"I've told you before," I say, temporarily removing the grape from my mouth, "If they're YOUR germs, I'll take them any day of the week!" Sarah smiles widely as she sucks the grape from my mouth, kissing me deeply and caressing my breasts through the thin material of my bra.

Within half an hour, we're both snuggled up in bed, completely naked save for my hat. Even despite her occasional cough and splutter, I've never been as in love with Sarah as I am right now, and as I fall asleep, I find myself back in the church, wearing a beautiful wedding dress and standing opposite the identically-dressed Sarah.

Little did I know at the time that Sarah was having the exact same dream as me.

I take a deep breath to steady my nerves and wring my hands together to stop them from shaking.

“Remember,” the studio researcher says, placing a calming hand on my hands. “Just stay calm, answer each question you’re asked clearly. Everyone out there WILL be on your side. And don’t forget to smile!” I nod and take another deep breath, returning the young woman’s comforting smile. I take one final second to prepare myself before hearing the words that tell me that preparation time is over.

“Nikki’s on the Jeremy Kyle Show!” The famous TV presenter announces. With shaky legs, I rise from my sofa and stride onto the set, plopping myself down in one of the chairs on the stage to a backdrop of very welcome applause.

“Welcome to the show, Nikki,” Jeremy says, taking a seat next to me. “I understand you contacted our researchers because you want help repairing your relationship with your grandparents?”

“Yes,” I say quietly.

“Tell us a little bit about the situation,” Jeremy says softly.

“Well,” I say, taking a deep breath. “I was originally born a boy, but I’ve known all along that I was a girl trapped in a boy’s body. Last May, I came out to my parents, and began living life full-time as a female.”

“You’re undergoing hormone replacement therapy, is that right?” Jeremy asks.

“Uh-huh,” I answer. “I want to, you know, ‘go all the way’ and have gender reassignment surgery.”

“How did your parents react when you came out as transgendered?” Jeremy asks, clearly interested in my story.

“They were shocked,” I say with a slight chuckle. “They wanted to make sure this was what I really wanted, but afterwards I had their full, 100% support.” I smile as the audience gives my parents the applause they deserve.

"Ultimately, what do you want to get out of today?" Jeremy asks.

"I want my grandparents to understand that this is who I NEED to be," I explain. "I just... I just want to be Nikki." Jeremy smiles and nods at my paraphrasing of Jamie-Lee Burke's famous quote.

“Chris is your father, right?” Jeremy asks, and I nod in response. “Okay, let’s get him out here. Chris is on the Jeremy Kyle show!” Once again, the show’s audio cue plays, and my dad walks out, taking a seat next to me after giving me a quick hug and Jeremy a firm handshake.

“Welcome to the show,” Jeremy says to my father. “How does a father react when their son suddenly announces one day ‘I want to live life as a girl’?”

“It came as a shock,” dad confesses. “Like Nikki said, we wanted to make sure it was what she really wanted…”

“Because for the first 16 years of her life, you must have thought you were raising an ordinary boy?” Jeremy asks, interrupting dad.

“Yes,” dad says, “but looking back on it, there were some clues, Nikki never really took an interest in sport, she always had longer-than average hair…”

“But I assume there’s a difference between being having long hair and being a full-time girl?” Jeremy asks.

“There is,” dad agrees. “Fortunately, Nikki had signed herself up to a counsellor who helped her through her issues. We have a written diagnosis of gender dysphoria, so there’s ‘proof’ that it’s not just a whim, Nikki is, from a medical standpoint, a girl trapped in a boy’s body.”

“I understand that this has caused tension between yourself, your family, and your parents, is that right?” Jeremy asks.

“My parents refuse to accept that Nikki is making this change,” dad sighs. “They’ve actually threatened to disinherit us unless Nikki starts living as a boy again.” I can’t help but let out a small, smug smile as the assembled audience boos dad’s statement.

“And what do you want to happen today?” Jeremy asks dad.

“I just want this family feud to stop,” dad sighs. “I want us to all be happy again, but most importantly I want Nikki to be happy.”

“You know what I think?” Jeremy asks softly. “I think you’re a great dad. Every parent should stick by their child no matter what but it’s a sad fact that not all of them do. Good on you, mate.” Dad almost tears up as Jeremy delivers this kind- but very much deserved- compliment. “Steven’s your father, right?” Dad nods. “Let’s get him on stage. Steven, everybody!” I actually feel sorry for my 68 year old grandfather as he walks on stage to a shower of boos, but what sympathy I have disappears as he takes the chair that’s been provided for him and spins it around so he has his back to myself and my father. Immediately, Jeremy’s calm demeanour vanishes.

“Why will you not even look at your granddaughter!?” Jeremy bellows at the stubborn old man.

“THAT is not my granddaughter or anyone’s granddaughter!” Grandpa Steven snorts angrily, and almost immediately I feel my stomach begin to knot. When dad suggested that we seek the help of the Jeremy Kyle show & their aftercare team to help repair the feud with my grandparents, I’d been sceptical, but when I was told that my case would be handled with the utmost sensitivity, I’d relented. Now… All those earlier doubts have returned in force.

“At least do your own flesh and blood the dignity of looking her in the eye,” Jeremy insists.

“Not until HE stops acting like a poof!” My grandfather yells, bringing tears to my eyes.

“You know what I see when I look at Nikki?” Jeremy asks with a calmness that belies his anger. “I see an ordinary seventeen year old girl who’s being verbally abused by one of the people who should be loving her and supporting her the most.”

“HE is not a girl,” Grandpa Steven angrily replies. “HE never will be, and HE needs to stop prancing around like a bloody queer!” Tears start to flow freely from my eyes as the man I’ve loved and respected for almost my entire life degrades me on national television.

“You know what?” Jeremy says. “If you can’t accept your granddaughter for who she really is, you don’t deserve to call yourself a grandparent.” The audience cheers loudly, but my grandfather simply snorts, still refusing to look at either myself or my father.

“And I understand that this attitude isn’t even the worst of it, is that right, Chris?” Jeremy asks.

“Dad actually called social services on me and my wife,” dad confirms. “He claimed that we were endangering Nikki by letting her live life the way she wants.” My tears slow as the audience boos this fact.

“How can you look at THAT and tell me he’s not being endangered!?” Grandpa Steven asks, clearly angered by the audience’s reaction to him.

“SHE has been happier over the last 11 months than she’s ever been!” Dad interjects. “It’s very easy to sit in judgement when you’ve refused to have any contact with us in that time!”

“If ‘she’s happier then why is ‘she’ crying?” Grandpa Steven asks sarcastically.

“Hmm, let’s think about that shall we?” Jeremy replies, his sarcasm far outstripping my grandfather’s. “Do you think it might be because her grandfather’s using vile language against her on national television?” Much to my surprise, Grandpa Steven shuts up, clearly having no response.

“Both your son and your granddaughter said that they want to repair their relationship with you,” Jeremy explains to my grandfather. “They’re both clearly upset that this has caused a split in the family, but-“

“Well it’s their damn fault!” Grandpa Steven interrupts angrily.

“BUT!” Jeremy continues. “You need to understand that this is a real thing. There ARE people in this world who cannot live- they are physically incapable of living as the gender they were born into, and you have to accept that your grandchild is one of these people.” Much to my relief, Grandpa Steven remains quiet and allows Jeremy to continue.

“What exactly did you want to get out of today?” Jeremy asks calmly.

“…I just want my grandson back,” my grandfather says softly, earning sympathy from the audience for the first time since his arrival on stage.

“You need to accept that that’s not going to happen,” Jeremy says. “Nikki’s made the decision to live the rest of her life- and it is HER life- as a woman. I’ve dealt with many transgendered people on this show, and I can tell you without even asking her that this wasn’t an easy decision for her to make. You can either make it even harder for her, or you can stand up and be a true grandfather and support her. Graham and the aftercare team will work with you, Chris and Nikki and they’ll do their best to ensure that you get your family back. Are you willing to work with me?” Grandpa Steven nods. “The first step is to turn your chair round and acknowledge that your granddaughter exists.” Slowly, my grandfather turns his chair round and looks at me.

Despite my make-up and long brown hair, my face hasn’t changed its shape since I started transitioning, so I’m still recognisably the little boy he watched growing up for 16 years. My body will undoubtedly come as a shock to him- my noticeable A-cup breasts and narrow waist certainly don’t belong to a boy- and my clothing choice of a long-sleeved, navy blue leotard, black A-line skirt and translucent black tights will take time for him to get used to, but the whole point of coming on the show was to get the help we need to put our family back together. It won’t happen overnight, but as long as it happens, that’s all that matters.

"Now, I think you owe your granddaughter an apology for the things you said to her," Jeremy ordered.

"I- I'm sorry," Grandpa Steven mumbles as I dry my eyes. Jeremy looks at me expectantly.

"Apology accepted," I whisper.

"You're far more mature than most of the 17 year olds I have on this show," Jeremy says to me. "I reckon you've got a great future in front of you. Are you willing to work with Graham and the aftercare team?" Still choked up, I nod.

"And you, Chris?" Jeremy asks.

"Of course," dad says quietly.

"All three of you go that way," Jeremy says, ordering us off-stage. "Give them a round of applause, everyone!"

After being ushered off-stage to a round of applause, we spend a long time talking to the advisors who will help us reconcile over the coming few months. Grandpa Steven isn’t as stubborn as he was on stage, but it’s clear there’s a long way to go before he’ll be as happy to accept me as his granddaughter as either my parents or my other grandparents are.

The drive back from Salford to London is a long one. Grandpa Steven came in his own car, and obviously didn’t offer me a lift home to get to know me better, so dad drives me home. Neither of us are particularly looking forward to the broadcast of our episode, but when we arrive home, both my mum and Sarah are giddy with excitement about our upcoming TV ‘stardom’.

“Oh my god oh my god!” Sarah exclaims, giving me a huge hug the second I leave the car. “You’re going to be a megastar!”

“I’m going to be on Jeremy Kyle,” I laugh. “HARDLY makes me a megastar.”

“Yeah, but today it’s Jeremy Kyle,” Sarah says. “Tomorrow, who knows?” I giggle and give Sarah a quick hug as we head into my home and crash on the sofa together.

“Did I make you that leotard?” Sarah asks, playing with the stretchy material on my arms.

“No,” I sigh. “Picked it up just after my birthday.”

“Stop doing that!” Sarah laughs, giving me a playful whack in the arm. “You know if you want clothes, just ask me to make them for you!”

“You spend your whole day sat in front of either a computer designing clothes or a sewing machine making them,” I say. “I can hardly ask you to make them for me in your free time, can I?”

“You’re my girlfriend and I love you,” Sarah insists. “Of course you can ask! Just for that, first thing when I get home, I’m making you a new leotard!” Sarah playfully sticks her tongue out at me, a gesture I try to reciprocate, but fail due to giggling too hard.

“I love you so much,” I happily sigh.

Later that night, Sarah and I both giggle excitedly as we snuggle under my bed sheets, dressed in just our thin nighties.

“I still can’t believe I’m going out with a celebrity,” Sarah says, pressing her body against mine.

“If I was a celebrity, I wouldn’t have been turned down- TWICE- by Joshua Benedict,” I sigh. “I’ll probably never get signed by him after the show goes out…”

“His loss,” Sarah says, kissing my bare shoulder. “MY gain!” I sigh happily as Sarah lowers the strap of my nightie and reaches underneath the thin material, playing with my hardening nipple.

"You know," I giggle, "playing with them won't make them grow faster!"

"No," Sarah says, "but it won't make them grow slower!" We both laugh as Sarah continues to gently caress my most sensitive areas, and it doesn't take long for us to disappear underneath the covers...

We both sleep in the following morning, grateful to be on Easter break. After we both shower (separately, sadly), we head back into my bedroom to get dressed. With Sarah spending more and more time at my house, I’ve cleared out one of my drawers for her to use for clothes and underwear- something we both found highly amusing, given the arrangement we had before I started living full-time as Nikki! I pull on a similar leotard to yesterday, only in dark green instead of blue, followed by thin black tights and a flared black denim skirt. Sarah, however, dithers after pulling on a fresh bra and thong, eventually closing her ‘Sarah drawer’ and opening my big wardrobe, where she pulls out a dress that both of us are VERY familiar with- Sarah because she made it, me because it’s quickly become my favourite dress she made for me.

The dress is strapless, showing off a generous amount of cleavage that’s created when the corset-style back is laced up. The bodice is tight, but the skirt is long and flowing, with several layers giving it an illusion of volume whilst remaining sleek and elegant. For my birthday, Sarah also made lingerie to wear with the dress (her first ever attempt at making underwear) - a lacy thong and garter belt, to which I attached slinky thin stockings. With the dress I also wore 5” platform stilettos and a wide satin choker, completing the ‘princess’ feel very girl should have on their birthday. Of course, everything I wore on that day- dress, shoes, even my stockings and make-up- was a bright shade of pink!

Sarah had planned my birthday celebrations way back when we were both 15. Apparently, she always knew I’d ‘come out’ and live life full-time as a girl, so she was determined that my first birthday as a girl (which, as it turned out, was my 17th) would have an ‘all things pink’ theme. She also made pink dresses for herself, a slinkier, less voluminous dress with spaghetti straps; for Katie, a shorter long-sleeved dress, showing off her figure; and for Lauren, a short, tight strapless dress showing off her amazing curves. Even my parents got in on the act- mum wore her own pink dress, and dad swallowed his masculine pride to wear a pink t-shirt and a shocking pink wig!

You may have noticed that one of the ‘New Angels’ was missing from that description- whilst Dannii did attend my birthday, and was very much included in all the group photos, Sarah pointedly DIDN’T make her a dress, meaning Dannii had to come in her own, off-the-shelf pink dress. Dannii, being Dannii, took the ‘snub’ in her stride, but ever since I came clean about my ‘mistake’ in February, Sarah’s been wary around her, and it’s very clear that she doesn’t trust the statuesque girl- and to a lesser extent, Sarah’s also begun to distrust ME. I’m point-blank not allowed to be alone with Dannii for any reason, and even when I’m spending time with Katie (for work) I’ll get the occasional text message asking me what I’m doing. I just hope that time will heal this ‘wound’- the last thing I want is to go on Jeremy Kyle again taking a lie detector test!

“I think I’ll wear this today,” Sarah says with a smug smile, holding the dress up against her body.

“You wouldn’t dare,” I say, smirking at Sarah’s cheeky attitude. “Besides, it’s strapless, your bra straps would show…” As if on cue, Sarah removes her bra and throws it at me before unzipping the dress and stepping into it.

“Want me to zip you up?” I ask as Sarah holds the bodice against her bare chest.

“Nah,” Sarah sighs, stepping out of the dress and putting her bra back on. “It’s not the same without the lingerie!”

“Too right,” I say, happily holding the dress against my body before hanging it back up in my wardrobe. “It was the absolute best birthday I’ve ever had, thank you so much for it.”

“If you’re happy, I’m happy,” Sarah says, giving me a long, slow kiss before pulling on a short, long-sleeved dress and a pair of ribbed tights from her drawer.

“Morning, girls!” Dad says happily as Sarah and I walk down the stairs hand-in-hand. “What’ve you got planned today, This Morning maybe, the One Show later on?”

“Ha ha,” I say sarcastically. “You’re going to be on TV too!”

“Yeah, but I’m a fat, middle-aged taxi driver,” Dad says with a chuckle. “You’re the real superstar!” I can’t help but grin as dad compliments me and Sarah gives me a tight hug.

“You are a superstar!” Sarah squeaks.

“…We’ll see when the show gets broadcast,” I laugh.

“And to answer your question, Mr. Thomas,” Sarah says, “we’re just going to hang out with a few friends today.”

“Ah,” dad says with a smile. “Your ‘New Angels’? Just as long as I don’t end up in a pink wig again!” Both Sarah and I giggle at dad’s joke. “And for the love of god, please start calling me Chris! You’ve been going out with Nikki for almost 3 years, as far as I’m concerned, you’re not LIKE family, you ARE family.”

“Okay… Chris!” Sarah says cheekily, making even dad chuckle!

A couple of hours later, Sarah and I are sat around our usual table in our usual coffee shop, waiting for the arrival of our friends. We both had the option of doing overtime at our respective Saturday jobs, but after yesterday, we both thought we’d leave it for a few days!

“Hey girlies!” Katie says happily, greeting us both with hugs. “Soo… How was Manchester?”

“Didn’t really get to see any of the city,” I say, barely suppressing a smug smile. “I was in the studio most of the time I was there.”

“Oh my god!” Katie squeaks, giving me another hug and earning a stern stare from Sarah. “I’m going to be friends with a celebrity!”

“You’re going to be friends with a Jeremy Kyle guest,” I laugh. “That’s several miles below Z-list!”

“Yeah, but today it’s Jeremy Kyle, tomorrow, the world!” Katie says. The three of us giggle before we’re interrupted by the arrival of the other two ‘New Angels’.

“Hey girlies!” Lauren says, giving myself, Sarah and Katie quick hugs.

“Hey Angels!” Dannii echoes, giving Katie a quick hug but subtly avoiding hugging either myself or Sarah. “Shall we trademark ‘the New Angels’ now that one of us is a TV star?”

“I’m not a-“ I plead, before rolling my eyes. “…Do you want an autograph?” All of us giggle as I have napkins thrust in my face from Katie, Lauren and Dannii, which I happily sign. I pick up another napkin and sign it for Sarah, before holding it up to my mouth and- desperately trying not to giggle- kissing it, leaving a very noticeable lipstick print on the paper!

“This one’s especially for you,” I say, giving Sarah a kiss of her own as I hand her the napkin.

“Aww, home come my napkin didn’t get a kiss?” Katie asks, earning yet another stern stare from Sarah.

“Get your own girlfriend,” Sarah says, sticking her tongue out.

“Or make Jason wear lipstick!” Dannii jokes, making everyone- even Sarah- giggle. “Most importantly,” Dannii asks, looking at me, “what did you WEAR yesterday? PLEASE tell me it was that leo…” Dannii starts to reach a hand across to stroke the sleeve of my leotard, before a foul stare from Sarah warns her off.

“Same style of leotard, only in blue,” I say with a smile.

“That she DIDN’T let me make for her,” Sarah says with a smirk.

“Speaking of leotards,” Dannii giggles. “I MAY have let Krys know that she’d have some ‘competition’ when it came to being a TV star…” I laugh and cringe as Dannii teases me.

“Oh god,” I laugh. “You know she’s going to make a big fuss out of it!”

“Good!” Lauren laughs. “You deserve to be rich and famous.” Much to my surprise, Sarah shoots Lauren a stern stare- even though she spends far more time with the short girl than I do!

“Yeah,” Katie concurs. “You should, like, start a YouTube channel or something. That’s how Jamie-Lee got started…”

“God, I dunno,” I sigh. “…I’ll think about it.”

“Well hurry up!” Lauren laughs. “The sooner you’re rich and famous, the sooner we all are!”

We spend the rest of the afternoon with the ‘New Angels’, laughing, gossiping and hanging out, before Sarah and I head to her house where I swap my fashionable leotard and skirt for a pair of silky white tights, a black tank leotard and a flimsy dance skirt, ready for our weekly ballet class. After tying each other’s hair into tight buns and being driven to class by Beverly (despite Sarah pleading with her mother to let her drive), we step into the studio where, as expected, our teacher is waiting with a big smile on her face.

“Have I heard correctly,” Krystie asks with a teasing voice. “That one of my students has launched a TV career?”

“HARDLY,” I insist.

“Oh come on,” Krystie laughs. “Yes, it’s only Jeremy Kyle, but that doesn’t mean it can’t lead to bigger and better things! Do you have any representation yet?”

“No,” I sigh. “Been rejected by your agent TWICE…”

“Joshua’s not the only agent out there,” Krystie says. “And I’ve seen your modelling portfolio and it’s really good. You should definitely get an agent, be a shame to waste all this potential…”

“What have I been telling you for the last SEVERAL months?” Sarah asks, making me sigh resignedly.

“Okay,” I say. “After the show’s broadcast, I’ll call around.”

“We’ll be back at college by then,” Sarah insists. “Don’t waste time, call tomorrow!”

“I’ll give you the details of my old agent,” Krystie says with a smile. “Just as long as you keep your tits under wraps, you’ll be fine!” I giggle as I follow my teacher into class and head to the barre to begin my warm-ups.

As promised, after the lesson ends, I barely get 6 feet out of the dance studio before Krystie calls my name.

“Nikki!” Krystie calls. “Hang on a sec, I’ll give you details of my old agent.”

“I’m going to get something from the vending machine,” Sarah announces. “Want anything?”

“No thanks,” I say as Krystie rummages in her handbag.

“Can you get me a chocolate bar, please?” Krystie asks, handing Sarah a pound coin.

“Sure,” Sarah replies. “Anything in particular?”

“Anything but Snickers,” Krystie says. “Peanut allergy.”

“Okay,” Sarah says, leaving me alone with our teacher.

“Here it is,” Krystie laughs, pulling her phone out of her bag. “Never do two effectively full-time jobs, your bag turns into a landfill! I’ll text you the details now.”

“Thanks,” I say.

“And don’t put off calling him!” Krystie laughs. “I know it’s off-putting failing interviews, but Joshua is one of the absolute biggest agents in the land.”

“You’re saying to set my sights a little lower?” I ask.

“Well…” Krystie says with a slight grimace. “Maybe I wouldn’t put it THAT way exactly!"

Needless to say, I don’t call Stephen- Krystie’s former agent- the following day, or the day after that. Easter comes and goes, bringing with it Dannii’s much-wanted ‘playboy bunny’ party, even if our bunny costumes are just old ballet leotards with fluffy tails stuck on our bottoms and old hairbands with ears attached. Before too long, April 24th rolls around, and I find myself sat in front of my television at 9:25am, almost wetting myself with nerves as the familiar theme music plays.

“Welcome to the show,” the famous TV presenter, who I’d met mere days before, address the camera. “My first guest today says her grandparents have disowned her because- get this- they refuse to accept that she’s transgendered and insist that she goes back to living as a boy! Nikki’s on the Jeremy Kyle Show!” I watch the rest of the show from behind my fingers, deeply embarrassed despite the show editing the footage so it’s highly favourable for me. Still, the sight of me openly crying is a bit too much for me to handle, and I’m actually glad when my segment ends. Almost immediately as I calm down, my phone is bombarded by new text message notifications.

‘OMG!!!!’ Dannii’s message reads. ‘You were so girly and awesome!’

‘You’re so great!’ Lauren’s message reads. ‘Hope you and your granddad are talking again!’

‘So awesome!!!!!!!’ Katie’s message reads. Much to my surprise another message then comes in from an unexpected source.

‘It was heart-breaking watching you cry on TV,’ the message reads. ‘PLEASE tell me you’ve called Steve.’ I double-check the identity of the sender of the message and grin- the number is listed under ‘Krystie Fullerton’.

‘Thanks,’ I type in response. ‘I’ll call him soon, I promise!’

I spend the rest of the morning immersed in Facebook and Twitter, looking at feedback for my appearance- it’s nearly all positive, there’s the occasional bigoted pond-dweller who says that I don’t deserve to exist because I’m transgendered, but they don’t deserve to be allowed to express their opinions if that’s all they have to say. I even get complimented on my make-up and fashion choices, and some genetic females moan that I look more girly than they do!

At about 11am, our doorbell rings, and I answer the door to be greeted with a rugby tackle-like hug from my girlfriend, who proceeds to pepper my face with light kisses.

“You’re so awesome!!!” Sarah squeaks, excitedly bouncing up and down with me still wrapped in her arms.

“Only because I have an awesome girlfriend,” I say, giving Sarah a long kiss on the lips.

The rest of the New Angels arrive shortly afterward, Katie and Lauren both greeting me with a massive hug.

“You were so awesome!” Katie insists as she sits down. “You too, Mr. Thomas. Not many dads who’d stick up for their children against their own parents like that.”

“Thank you, Katie.” Dad says smugly. “And every parent SHOULD stick up for their child, regardless. Hopefully my father will get that sometime soon.”

“Have you spoken to aftercare?” Dannii asks.

“A couple of times,” dad explains. “They’re arranging mediation for us and my parents in the local area, hopefully we’ll all have this sorted out soon.”

“I can’t imagine how it must have felt,” Dannii says to me. “God knows if my granddad turned his back on me like that I’d be heartbroken…”

“I was,” I sigh. “First time I came out to my grandparents was a DISASTER.”

“I remember,” Sarah says, protectively grabbing my hand.

“Well at least it’s getting better now,” Lauren says with a smile. “And they can work hard to deserve to have a granddaughter as awesome as you!” Everyone in the room- including dad- cheers as I blush from the praise that’s being thrown at me. We spend the rest of the day at my house, watching and rewatching the episode on Sky plus, before the New Angels (minus Sarah) all depart just after 8pm. Before I head to bed with Sarah, I check my computer one more time, and discover an email that was to change my life.

‘Hi Nikki,’ the email reads. ‘It’s Phil here from the Jeremy Kyle Show. We’ve had a lot of people contacting us wanting to get in touch with you- newspapers, magazines, that sort of thing. We won’t pass on your contact details without your consent, so would you like us to give them the okay to get in touch with you?’ Without even thinking, I type out a reply giving them my permission to pass on my contact details, and click ‘send’.

“Who was the email from?” Sarah asks as she strips out of her clothes and into her tiny nightie.

“Oh, just the producers of the Kyle show,” I say, smugly inspecting my nail polish. “Apparently newspapers and magazines have been asking them for my contact details, and wanted to know if I’d be happy to talk to them…” I barely finish the sentence before Sarah wraps her arms around me and squeezes tightly, excitedly bouncing up and down and nearly knocking me out of my chair!

“Oh my god oh my god!” Sarah squeaks. “I knew it! Didn’t I tell you? You’re a superstar!!!”

“Calm down!” I laugh. “They only want to talk to me, not give me my own show!”

“They will,” Sarah says confidently, giving me a long kiss on my lips. “Now hurry up and get into bed! I’ve never had sex with a celebrity before…” I grin devilishly and strip out of my skirt and top, diving underneath the bed sheets into Sarah’s waiting embrace…

The following morning, I’m still in bed with Sarah, wrapped in each other’s arms, when my phone rings. A glance at the caller ID tells me that whoever’s calling is calling from London, but I don’t recognise the number.

“Hello?” I tiredly ask, freeing myself from the still-sleeping Sarah’s embrace.

“Hi, is that Nikki Thomas?” The woman on the other end of the phone asks.

“Yes…” I answer warily.

“Hi, my name’s Pippa, I’m calling from Teen Globe magazine,” the woman explains. “We saw you on the Jeremy Kyle Show yesterday and we’d be interested in hearing more of your story, are you okay to answer a few questions for us now?”

“Yes, yes of course!” I say excitedly, my enthusiasm causing Sarah to stir. I spend the next five minutes answering questions about my life- what I’m studying, when I first discovered I was transgendered, what my hopes are for the future- and by the end if the ‘interview’ I’m practically bouncing off the walls with excitement, when my interviewer asks me one final question.

“This is all great, Nikki,” Pippa says. “Would you be able to come to our offices today to take a few photos?” I actually takes me a second to realise that they don’t want me to take the photos- they want to take photos of me!

“Of- of course!” I almost squeak. “What time do you want me? What do you want me to wear?”

“Any time after 1 is fine,” Pippa says, chuckling at my childlike enthusiasm. “Wear whatever you want- we’ve got some clothes at our studio as well if you want to change.”

“Can I bring my girlfriend?” I ask excitedly.

“Absolutely!” Pippa says. “We’d love to meet her too.”

“Okay,” I breathe, still unable to believe my luck. “I’ll see you this afternoon!” I click off my phone and look down on Sarah, who I clearly woke up with my phone call.

“Ugh,” Sarah moans, rubbing her eyes. “Who was that, babe? …Was it Dannii?” I bristle a little at Sarah’s implication that I’ve ‘messed around’ again, but my smile doesn’t fall.

“Ever heard of Teen Globe Magazine?” I ask.

“Think I used to read it when I was 12 or 13,” Sarah says. “Why?”

“Guess who’s going to be featured in it?” I ask smugly, and the tiredness instantly disappears from Sarah’s eyes.

“Oh. My. God!!!!!!!!!” Sarah squeaks, hugging me and excitedly bouncing up and down my mattress.

“And you’re coming too!” I say, making Sarah gasp happily and squeak incoherently as she squeezes me even tighter.

A few hours later, after changing into a cute long-sleeved minidress, translucent black tights and cute flats, I and Sarah (who’s also wearing a minidress, tights and flats) walk into the small offices of Teen Globe Magazine.

“Hi, you must be Nikki,” a young woman carrying an iPad- who I quickly identify as Pippa from her voice- greets me. “And you’re… Sarah, right?”

“Yep!” Sarah says with a nervous grin.

“It’s so great to meet the both of you,” Pippa gushes. “What you’re wearing is fine, so is your make-up. We’re going to get a few shots of Nikki first, then if you’d like, we’d like to take a few photos of the both of you, if that’s okay?”

“Absolutely!” Sarah breathes. “You know, I used to read your magazine when I was younger…”

“Cool!” Pippa says with a grin. “I used to read it too when I was 12, this is my first job after uni and it really is fun.”

“I hope you don’t mind…” Sarah begins. “But I may have also, kinda asked a couple of friends to come along too.”

“Sure,” Pippa says with a smile. “But it’s really just you and Nikki we’re interested in.”

“We’ll just have to have the official launch of the ‘New Angels’ some other time,” I laugh as Pippa leads us into the photography studio.

“Are you two fans of the Angels?” The young journalist asks us.

“HUGE fans,” Sarah answers. “We actually attend Krystie Fullerton’s ballet class.”

“I heard there’s, like, a year long waiting list for that school!” Pippa jokes. “I will admit, their show is kinda a guilty pleasure of mine. Must be so cool to live that kind of lifestyle.” A new message alert on Pippa’s iPad temporarily draws her attention away from myself and Sarah. “Oh, looks like your friends have arrived. I’ll have them buzzed in.”

“Thanks,” I say nervously. Mere seconds later, Katie and Lauren come running up to myself and Sarah, greeting us with massive hugs.

“Oh my god!!!” Katie squeaks. “You’re gonna be in a magazine!!!”

“Yep!” I say. “Is- is Dannii not with you?”

“She couldn’t make it,” Sarah says in a very curt voice, shooting a brief angry glare at me.

“…I think she’s at work,” Lauren explains, slightly taken aback by Sarah’s tone of voice. Sensing Sarah’s gaze burn a hole in the back of my head, I simply shrug and giggle, thankfully lightening Sarah’s mood.

“Okay,” Pippa says, interrupting the conversation. “We’re ready for you now, Nikki!” Giggling excitedly, I hop up in front of the camera and begin posing as the photographer captures image after image of me. After a couple of minutes, Sarah joins me, and we pose together, even being photographed mid-kiss at one point! We’re about to step out from in front of the camera when I notice the happy-but-sad looks in our friends’ faces, and I make a similar face towards Pippa.

“Oh, go on then,” Pippa laughs, gesturing Katie and Lauren toward the camera. Needless to say, they didn’t need to be told twice!

“So cool,” Katie gushes as we leave the magazine’s office. “THAT’s the kind of job I want after I go to uni, only I want to photograph cute guys, not girls!”

“I’ll tell Jason you said that!” I giggle.

I arrive home shortly after 6pm, exhausted after one of the most insane few weeks of my life and wondering how I’ll cope going back to college on Monday as something resembling a celebrity. With Sarah going home to her house, I kick my flats off and collapse on my sofa, ready to relax for the rest of the day, when my phone rings, reminding me that my brush with stardom isn’t over quite yet.

“Hi Krystie,” I say, instantly recognising the number of my famous ballet teacher. “What’s up?”

“Hi Nikki!” Krystie says excitedly. “I’ve got someone here who saw your show yesterday and wants to have a word, if that’s okay?”

“Umm, okay,” I reply.

“Hi, is that Nikki?” A new voice comes on the phone that makes my jaw drop. “This is Jamie-Lee Burke, are you free to have a quick chat?” I start to pant nervously as the woman who has become my idol over the past few months asks me for a ‘quick chat’.

“Of course!” I say. “Oh my god, you’re SUCH an inspiration of mine! I think you’re great! I-“ I pause, suddenly becoming VERY self-conscious of how fanatical I’m acting.

“Thanks!” Jamie says, giggling a little. “I saw you on Jeremy Kyle yesterday, I don’t normally watch that show, but Krystie said I should watch it, and I am kinda off my feet at the moment…”

“I heard,” I say softly. “Is- is everything, you know, okay?”

“It’s… getting better,” Jamie responds. “Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I know what you’re going through, I was estranged from my parents for years and even after we reconciled it wasn’t easy at the start, but now my relationship with my parents is stronger than it’s ever been, even before I started transitioning, and I know your grandparents are going to love you as their granddaughter. You probably hear this a lot, from your friends and your counsellor, but you really are not alone."

"Thanks, thank you so much!" I say, almost crying.

"Krystie also took the liberty of showing me your modelling portfolio," Jamie says with a twinkle in her voice. "AND she tells me you don't have representation yet?"

"Nah," I sigh. "I'm not really that good a model anyway..."

"Uh, yeah, you are," Jamie snorts. "Get yourself an agent, Nikki!" I giggle as Jamie pays me this massive compliment.

"I will, I promise," I say, still giggling nervously.

"Most importantly, you take care of yourself," Jamie advises. "This road we're on isn't easy, but the more friends and family you have around you, the easier it is."

"Thanks," I whisper.

"And just to clarify something," Jamie says with a laugh, "yes, I DO remember meeting you at Krys's 21st! Hopefully that won't be the last time we meet. Take care, Nikki."

"You too, Jamie," I say, feeling utterly exhilarated as my idol ends the call. Jamie's right- the road we're on isn't easy. But I don't regret a single step I've taken on it. Even if my media 'career' ends with my interview in Teen Globe, I'm happy- if I can help just one transgendered girl the way Jamie's helped me, it'll have been worth the tears and the stress. And Jamie's also right- the more friends and family I have helping me along the road, the easier it'll be. Soon, with any luck, the last obstacle- my grandparents- will be behind me instead of in front of me. Once I have their support, there's only one thing on my mind:

Full speed ahead!

Legal note: the Jeremy Kyle Show is copyright ITV Studios and is used here without permission.

“Seventeen!” The assembled guests yell. “Sixteen! Fifteen! Fourteen!” I stare over at Sarah, who is smiling happily, much to my relief.

“Thirteen!” The guests continue. “Twelve! Eleven! Ten!” I look to my left at Katie and Lauren, who are both excitedly bouncing up and down in chairs.

“Nine!” The crowd yells, working itself into a near frenzy. “Eight! Seven! Six! Five! Four! Three! Two! One!” Dannii- the most excited person of any in the packed restaurant- takes a deep breath and, in one go, blows out the seventeen candles on the rich chocolate cake placed in front of her.

“Happy birthday!” The table yells as Dannii squeals excitedly from all the attention that’s being lavished on her.

“Oh my god, you guys!” Dannii squeaks. “I love you all so much!” I gaze over at Sarah, whose neutral facial expression betrays the fact that she’s not fully forgiven Dannii for our ‘mistake’ four months ago, despite the gorgeous dress she- well, she and Lauren- made for Dannii, which the birthday girl is currently wearing.

The dress is made of dark blue chiffon, has spaghetti straps and very form-fitting, showing off Dannii’s cleavage and her slender curves. The skirt is ankle length- an impressive achievement, considering that Dannii is 6’ 4” in her heels- and flows and ripples with every step, yet never catches, snags or bunches as Dannii elegantly strides around.

I, of course, am also wearing one of Sarah’s brand-new creations, a gorgeous knee-length strapless fuchsia gown with a fitted bodice and matching stiletto heels, but next to Dannii’s amazing dress, I feel like I may as well be wearing jeans and a t-shirt. The same applies for Sarah’s light pink knee-length dress, Lauren’s tight strapless purple dress and Katie’s short red dress. It’s plain to see that all four of us are jealous of the birthday girl today- even the two girls who made her dress!

“Happy birthday babe,” Calvin- Dannii’s new boyfriend- says, handing the statuesque girl an armful of gifts that she eagerly unwraps. It’s clear from both of their reactions that the gifts are intimate, for their eyes only, and certainly a lot more personal than the collection of nail polishes I’ve given her. I glance over at Sarah, reminding myself just how lucky I am to have her in my life, but all throughout the birthday meal, there’s a tiny, shameful part of me that’s jealous of Calvin and his relationship with Dannii.

“God almighty,” Sarah sighs as she drives us both back to my house. “I thought that would NEVER end...”

“Tell me about it,” I sigh.

"Kinda appropriate that her birthday would be Friday the 13th," Sarah sniggers. "Hey, that's a thought, what day of the week was it when she was born?" I force a grin on my face as I take my smartphone out of my handbag and type in Sarah's request.

"What day of the week was 13th June 1997...?” I say aloud as I type, and I can't help but snigger at the answer. "Friday."

"Haha!" Sarah laughs heartily. "That explains so much..."

“Did she say how long she's been going out with Calvin? I make it 3 weeks?”

“For her, that’s probably a record,” Sarah spits. “Did we ever establish how old he actually is?”

“Twenty, I think,” I reply.

“Do you suppose Dannii has a sign on her vagina that says ‘you must be eighteen or over to ride’?” Sarah jokes, making me giggle despite myself.

“I’d… Rather not speculate about what Dannii has going on down there,” I laugh.

“Are you still thinking about getting your own surgery?” Sarah asks. “After reading Jamie-Lee’s recovery blog, I mean.”

“Oh, it’s definitely happening,” I reply. “Probably after my first year of uni, if I can get on a waiting list. Though my ‘sign’ will read ‘Sarah J Phillips only’!” Sarah giggles happily as we drive into the bustling Friday night.

After we arrive home, and Sarah’s parked her brand-new Mini on my driveway, we head up to my bedroom, careful not to disturb my sleeping parents. Once my door is closed, we quickly strip each other from our beautiful dresses and climb under the sheets, completely naked. I sigh happily as Sarah's soft hands move over my body, gently caressing my soft, hairless skin and lingering over my growing B-cup breasts. 13 months on hormones have given me a body nearly indistinguishable from that of a genetic woman- with one significant exception, of course. An 'exception' Sarah still takes the time to fondle and play with as we disappear underneath my sheets...

As Sarah slumbers, her arms wrapped around my curvy, feminine form, I can’t help but feel nostalgic. Today was Dannii’s 17th birthday, and she’s the youngest of the ‘New Angels’, meaning that in under a year’s time, we’ll all be adults, and ready to embark on grown-up life. As much as my body is maturing, my mind is too- and I miss being the carefree 14 year old who messed around, dancing with Sarah in her school uniform. Back then, if you fell behind with schoolwork, you simply got detention, or extra homework. Now, if you fall behind with college work, it could jeopardise your future career… And I’m falling behind a LOT.

As good as I am at photography, the theory behind it is deeply complicated, and something I struggle to put into words. Whilst Katie is consistently one of the top students in our class, I’m consistently near the bottom- and my odds of getting onto a level 3 course next year, let alone university the year after, look to be effectively zero. It doesn’t help that in addition to my Saturday job, I’ve recently taken up another job- that of part-time model for Stephen Daniels talent.

After my appearance on Jeremy Kyle, my interview in Teen Globe and a handful of other magazines, my public profile has increased- in that I now actually have a public profile. I took Krystie’s advice and called her old agent, who happily snapped me up and has sent me on the occasional job- usually just portrait shots for magazines, no fashion or make-up shoots just yet, despite Steve (my agent) nicknaming me ‘Jamie-Lee Jr’! The place where my public profile has increased the most- thanks in no small part to Steve’s advice and assistance- is online. I started a blog and a YouTube channel, which quickly gained 400 subscribers in the two months it’s been live. On it, I talk about my life: college, transitioning, family, Sarah (who frequently makes cameos appearances). I’m lucky in that most of the comments are positive, but I do still get the occasional troll, the occasional transphobic idiot who tries to make me miserable. I make sure I give as good as I get, but every unkind word or comment cuts, and it cuts DEEP.

Fortunately, I’ve also been able to use my publicity as a force for good. After my appearance in Teen Globe, Pippa actually contacted me asking me to write a monthly column, which I was only too happy to do (though the two I’ve written so far have very much been collaborations between me and Sarah!). I’ve had a lot of positive feedback from these columns, especially from pre-teen T-girls who- for some unknown reason- view me as a kind-of role model.

With my life getting ever busier, and Sarah’s free time dwindling ever since she and Lauren officially became business partners, it’s a miracle we have any time for each other anymore. Fortunately, with our increased workload comes increased income, and following a meeting with all of our parents in which I agreed to pay a token rent to Beverly and Sarah agreed to give money to my parents, we now spend virtually every night together, and every night I find myself loving Sarah more and more. Last month, on May 16th, the two of us had a private party to celebrate the 1st anniversary of my ‘coming out’. I wore the special dress Sarah made me for my sixteenth birthday, even if it was tighter around the chest than it had been previously, and I’d never felt happier or more content than I did when I ended that night in bed in the arms of the woman I love more than life itself.

As much as I’m growing ever closer to Sarah, my relationship with the ‘New Angels’ is, if anything, falling apart. With college nearing an end and us both working on finishing off our individual projects, I rarely get to spend any time with Katie- especially as her work is leaps and bounds ahead of mine. I still get to spend time with Lauren, but even then it’s only when she’s working with Sarah so we don’t get to gossip like we did when we first met, and Dannii… I don’t think I’d ever DARE spend time alone with Dannii again, such is Sarah’s utter dislike of the girl.

I know I’ll make new friends, wherever I end up after the summer- I did so this September just gone, after all- but I really thought the ‘New Angels’ would be best friends for life, just as the ‘real’ Angels are. However, if there’s one lesson I’ve learned from life, it’s to appreciate what you have, rather than despair over what you’ve lost, and as I wake up at 7am on Saturday morning, my arms wrapped around the warm, soft form of the woman I love, I make a promise to myself to do just that.

“Morning, sexy,” I whisper, gently kissing Sarah’s neck.

“Mmm,” Sarah dreamily moans as she awakens. “Morning, gorgeous…”

“It’s 7 o’clock,” I say. “We’ve got to get up…”

“Ugh,” Sarah moans. “Can’t we just skip my dad tomorrow and give your dad his surprise then?”

“You know you’d never hear the end of it if we did,” I sigh. “And you know your brother and sister are looking forward to seeing you again…”

“Fine,” Sarah sighs, gently sliding her naked body out of bed and pulling on fresh underwear and a dressing gown, prompting me to do the same. Taking care not to disturb my parents, we head downstairs and prepare a massive, slap-up breakfast- bacon, scrambled eggs, fried bread, orange juice, coffee and a selection of fruits. Almost struggling under the weight of the food, we carry the delicious-smelling meal upstairs into my parents’ bedroom, where Sarah and I shake my father into reluctant awakeness.

“Happy father’s day!” We both yell, giggling as dad judders with confusion, before smiling tiredly at the two of us.

“Father’s day is tomorrow,” dad laughs, before seeing the cards, gifts and breakfast we’ve prepared for him. “…Thank you, thank you BOTH. Suppose this is the second to last one I’ll get before you head off to university…”

“We’ll be home at the weekends,” I say smugly. “You can’t expect us to do our own laundry, surely?”

“I can, and don’t call me Shirley,” dad jokes, tucking into his breakfast.

“Hmm?” Mum mumbles, waking up from the commotion.

“The girls have made me breakfast in bed!” Dad says smugly. “Smells delicious!”

“Smells FATTENING,” mum complains, sounding slightly nauseous.

“Got to keep my gut wide somehow!” Dad laughs, patting his belly. “And you didn’t hear me complaining on mother’s day, did you?”

“I got croissants on mother’s day,” mum laughs. “Not THAT monstrosity.”

“Hey!” Sarah and I say with mock hurt.

“Oh, I’m sorry girls,” mum giggles. “I can tell you’ve worked really hard on it.”

“Well, you’re the only parents I’ve ever had,” I say. “Got to do SOMETHING to show how much I appreciate you, don’t I?”

“Just being happy, and being YOU is all the appreciation I need,” mum says with a warm smile.

“Though the breakfast is very much appreciated!” dad laughs. “As are the cards and the gifts!”

After work, Sarah and I spend the rest of the day spoiling dad, giving him full control of the television for one night only, keeping him supplied with freshly chilled beer, making sure he knows just how much I appreciate him- because I do. There aren’t many parents who would go to the lengths mine have to ensure I’m happy and content, especially considering the ‘journey’ I’m taking and the obstacles I’ve faced from other members of my family. Dad and I have been attending counselling sessions with my grandparents in an effort to repair our relationship, and it’s been slow going. Granddad’s been trying, but it’s clear he’ll never be able to see me as anything other than the little boy I used to be. However, he is trying, and we are finally communicating as grandfather and granddaughter, and that’s a lot more of a relationship than we had over the past 12 months, and as I climb into bed with Sarah, I’m reminded of just how much worse it could be.

“Goddd…” Sarah moans. “I don’t want to go tomorrow…”

“Why do you hate your dad so much?” I ask, gently wrapping my arms around Sarah’s body.

“I don’t HATE him,” Sarah replies. “I just… Ugh. YOUR dad is much more of a father to me than he’s ever been.”

“Well regardless, I’m sure he still loves you,” I sigh into Sarah’s shoulder.

“Yeah, well the same can’t be said of the wicked stepmother,” Sarah snorts. “Still think she’s turning Karl & Kerrie against me.”

“Those kids ADORE you,” I remind my lover.

“And I adore them,” Sarah sighs. “But… I dunno. Let’s get some sleep, okay?”

“Okay,” I whisper, settling my head on my pillow and gently drifting off to sleep.

We wake up the following morning at 8:30, quickly showering and changing into smart summer dresses and low-heeled sandals, before Sarah drives us the 30 miles to her father’s home in High Wycombe.

“Happy father’s day!” Sarah says, giving her dad a half-hearted kiss on the cheek as he answers the door.

“Sarah, so good to see you today!” Mr Phillips says warmly, before turning to me with a stoic face. “Hello, Nikki.” After exchanging an uneasy glance with my lover, we enter the large house.

“Hello Sarah,” Diane- Sarah’s stepmother- says coldly, before walking into the kitchen, completely ignoring me.

“Hi Sarah!” An excited young voice comes from the living room, and moments later Kerrie- Sarah’s 7 year old half-sister- runs up, giving Sarah a massive hug.

“Hi Kezzie!” Sarah says warmly, cuddling the excited young girl.

“Kerrie, this is Nicola, Sarah’s best friend,” Mr Phillips says by way of introduction. “She doesn’t see her father any more so we agreed that Sarah could bring her to our house today.” I seethe a little at the blatant lie, but put on a happy face for the little girl.

“Hi Kerrie!” I say happily. Kerrie smiles and goes to give me a hug, before her father steps between us.

“No, Kerrie,” Mr Phillips says. “No, don’t touch her.” My smile falls off my face as Mr Phillips leads us into the living room where Kerrie & Sarah’s 11 year old brother is waiting, playing on his Xbox.

“Hi Sarah,” Karl says, barely diverting attention from his game.

“Karl, this is Nicola,” Mr Phillips says. “She’s Sarah’s best friend and has come here today as she doesn’t have any contact with her own father.” Karl looks at me with a knowing look in his young eyes.

“Hi,” he disinterestedly says to me.

“Hi,” I reply, before sitting down next to Sarah on the sofa, much to Mr Phillips’s distaste.

The next half hour passes awkwardly as Sarah fills her father in about everything that’s happened to her lately- her career, her studies- but she is very careful not to mention anything whatsoever about our relationship, and every time Sarah and I start moving closer together, a well-timed cough from either Sarah’s dad or his wife puts a stop to it. Fortunately, the awkwardness is soon broken by an unexpected source.

“Sarah,” Kerrie says, “would you like to see my new party dress?”

“I’d love to!” Sarah says happily.

“Nicola, would you like to see it too?” Kerrie asks, making me smile happily.

“Of course!” I say happily, preparing to stand up when I’m abruptly cut off.

“Nicola would rather stay down here,” Diane says curtly, earning herself my filthiest glare.

“Don’t you want to see the dress, Nicola?” Kerrie asks, clearly upset.

“Maybe- maybe some other time,” I say with as kindly a smile as I can manage. Once Sarah and Kerrie have left the room- and despite Karl being present- I decide I can’t hold my tongue any longer.

“Thanks for telling me what I think,” I say defiantly.

“How dare you!” Comes the inevitable response from Diane, but I remain unfazed. “How dare you come into MY house and speak to me like that!”

“Did you not see how disappointed your daughter was?” I ask.

“She’ll get over the disappointment,” Mr Phillips says darkly. “Better she’s a little upset now then she finds out the truth about you and Sarah and precisely… what… you are!”

“Karl, leave the room,” Diane orders, and the young boy meekly obeys.

“And precisely what is wrong with ‘what I am’?” I ask.

“You KNOW what’s wrong!” Mr Phillips argues. “Yes, obviously you have a right to live your life anyway you want, I wouldn’t dream of stopping you doing that, but at the same time, I have a duty to protect my children from what you… What you… represent.”

“Interesting attitude from someone who used to be married to a transsexualism expert!” I muse. “When I met Sarah, she was well aware of people ‘like me’, that it was a simple fact of life that sometimes it happens.”

“So is rape, war and murder,” Diane retorts. “We don’t want our children exposed to THAT either.”

“So are you telling me that my living my life the way I want is like I’m raping someone!?” I ask, my voice raising.

“No, of course not,” Mr Phillips says defensively. “We’d just prefer it if they didn’t find out the truth until they were old enough to cope with it.”

“How old, exactly, is that?” I ask.

“Eighteen,” Diane says firmly.

“Oh, so older than both myself and Sarah are right now?” I retort.

“Well neither of you are exactly a picture of maturity, are you?” Diane sneers, and I feel my blood begin to boil and the woman insults not just myself, but her own stepdaughter. I smile evilly and play my prepared ‘trump card’.

“What if Sarah and I choose to get married?” I ask. “Would you stop your children from attending their own sister’s wedding?”

“Yes,” Diane says.

“No,” Mr Phillips says simultaneously, causing him and his wife to exchange confused glances. Despite myself, I sit back with a smug look on my face.

“…You can’t tell me I can’t walk my own daughter down the aisle at her wedding, surely?” Mr Phillips asks his wife.

“You hardly ever SEE the girl,” Diane retorts.

“Still though… She IS my daughter,” Mr Phillips says.

“And how, pray tell, would you tell your OTHER children, who you DO see more than twice a year, ‘this is your sister and her wife’? Hmm?” Diane angrily asks her husband. Mr Phillips is about to reply when the room is interrupted by a cough from the door- stood there is Sarah, holding Kerrie’s hand.

“Oh Kerrie,” Diane mewls, running up to the small girl and giving her a quick hug. “How much of that did you hear?”

“Some of it,” Kerrie says. “Are Nikki and Sarah getting married?”

“No, of course they’re not,” Diane says. “Only men and women get married.”

“But if they love each other, why shouldn’t they get married?” Kerrie asks, and broad smiles creep over the faces of both myself and my lover.

“Because they’re both girls,” Diane says, but it’s clear that Kerrie isn’t accepting the explanation.

“But that's not fair,” Kerrie says. “Sarah, do you love Nikki?”

“Yes,” Sarah says firmly, exchanging a loving stare with me. “Yes, I love her very much, just like your mum and dad love each other.” Spotting my cue, I stand up and link hands with Sarah.

“And I love your sister,” I say proudly.

“I think you should both leave now,” Diane says quietly, aware that the ‘bubble’ she’d been keeping her children in has been well and truly burst.

“Aww,” Kerrie says. “When will you come back, Sarah?”

“When I can, I promise,” Sarah replies, giving Kerrie a gentle hug. “I think… I think your mum and dad need to have a long talk with you and Karl. But any time you want to talk to me, I’m only a phone call away.” Kerrie nods, then looks up at me. Sensing my cue, I crouch down and allow the small girl to give me a brief yet tight hug.

“Well, this was certainly interesting,” Mr Phillips sighs, escorting myself and his daughter back to Sarah’s car. “God knows how I’m going to patch this one over.”

“’The truth’ is usually a good place to start,” Sarah says.

“Yes, yes, I know,” Sarah’s dad sighs. “Stay in touch, Sarah. I love you.”

“I love you too, dad,” Sarah says stoically before driving us both away.

“Hey,” Sarah says, a smile returning to her face, “how d’you suppose the dragon would’ve reacted if we’d told Kerrie that you used to be a boy?”

“How about we save that for next year?” I ask, making Sarah giggle happily.

“God, I can’t believe them at times,” Sarah sighs. “I mean, I knew that you could be in love with someone other than the opposite sex for as long as I can remember. I knew about civil partnerships, gay marriages…”

“Have- have you ever thought about it?” I ask cautiously.

“…Thought about what?” Sarah asks.

“You know, getting married,” I say, my heart beating faster. “You and me.”

“Sometimes,” Sarah whispers. “But… We’re only seventeen, I don’t want to think about getting married. Not yet anyway.”

“I know for a fact that I’ll never love anyone as much as I love you,” I say softly.

“I feel the same way,” Sarah says quietly.

We make a brief pit-stop at my house before heading to Sarah’s mum’s house for the night. Despite it being Sunday afternoon, both mum and dad are still at work, so I let myself in to change into a t-shirt and a denim mini and grab some clothes for tomorrow whilst Sarah makes us both a drink. I’ve barely packed my case, however, when I hear a cry from downstairs.

“Nikki!” Sarah calls in a state of near-panic. “Nikki! Nikki!” Fearing the worst, I hurry downstairs to the kitchen where Sarah is stood staring wide-eyed at a small cardboard box.

“What?” I ask, nearly panicking myself. “What it is?”

“I found this in the bin,” Sarah says quietly. “Nikki… It’s a box for a pregnancy test.” My eyes go wide as I take the box from Sarah and stare at it.

“Wh-whose is it?” I ask. “It- it can’t be yours, surely?”

“We haven’t had sex ‘like that’ in months,” Sarah says. “It’s got to be someone else’s…”

“But whose?” I repeat. “How far down did you find it?”

“Near the top,” Sarah says, before sighing and dropping the grotty box back in the bin. “When was the last time the New Angels were all here?”

“Umm, Tuesday, wasn’t it?” I reply, still in a state of shock from the discovery. “Besides, you only found the box, for all we know the test was negative?”

“You don’t take a pregnancy test unless you think you’re pregnant,” Sarah muses. “Did you notice how at Dannii’s party, she hid away all the presents she got from Calvin? What if they were baby clothes?”

“They’ve only been going out a few weeks…” I counter.

“You only need to have sex once to get pregnant,” Sarah retorts. “And it would be SO her to do the test at someone else’s house, out of sight of her parents…”

“Katie and Jason split up last month so it’s probably not her,” I muse.

“…And if it was Lauren, she’d surely have told me,” Sarah says. “So that’s it. It’s got to be Dannii.”

“Do- do you want to ask her at college tomorrow?” I ask quietly.

“No,” Sarah whispers. “Not without more evidence.” I nod, picking up my bag of clothes and leading Sarah back to her car. The drive to Sarah’s house is conducted in near-silence, and this doesn’t go unnoticed once we arrive at our destination.

“Mum, we’re here,” Sarah says wearily.

“Are you girls okay?” Beverly asks. “How was your father?”

“Ugh,” Sarah moans, slumping down on the sofa. “Bad, and ‘the dragon’ was even worse…”

“Oh dear,” Beverly says sympathetically, supplying us both with very welcome cups of tea. “Well, at least it’s done for another year.”

“…And it looks like one of our friends is pregnant,” Sarah sighs, making Beverly pause.

“Do you know who?” Beverly asks quietly.

“It’s not me,” Sarah sighs. “And obviously not Nikki either!”

“Well, no, obviously,” Beverly says. “How do you know?”

“…Not important,” Sarah says.

“Well, just try to relax for the rest of the night,” Beverly advises. “You’ve got a long week and a lot of work to do, make sure you’re rested for it!”

“Will do,” I say with a smile.

“Same here,” Sarah sighs.

Sarah and I opt for an early night ahead of college tomorrow- both of us are so tired after the day’s events that we even forego sex, and we’re both quickly asleep, snuggled together in each other’s arms.

“You may kiss the bride,” the priest says, and Sarah and I lift each other’s veils, looking deep into each other’s eyes. Before I lean in to kiss her, however, I stare down at Sarah’s pregnant belly pushing her dress out further and further…

I wake up with a start, thankfully not disturbing my still-sleeping lover, and gaze over at Sarah’s alarm clock- it’s due to go off in ten minutes anyway, and it’s already light (not to mention hot!) outside so I carefully extract myself from Sarah’s embrace so as to get in the shower first.

“Boo!” Sarah surprises me as I exit the bathroom, before wrapping her arms around my naked body and giving me a long kiss. “Thought you could get away without me realising?”

“Well,” I reply, returning Sarah’s embrace. “You looked so peaceful sleeping, not to mention beautiful…”

“But I’m more beautiful when I’m awake, right?” Sarah asks, making us both giggle and kiss each other again.

“Reckon we’d get away with showering together?” I ask. The sound of Beverly’s alarm clock, however, answers my question for me.

“Get dressed,” Sarah says, giving me yet another kiss before jumping underneath the shower. Once we’re ‘cleansed’, Sarah and I both dress in light, floaty miniskirts and girly t-shirts for college, and after bidding farewell to Beverly, Sarah drives the both of us to our place of education.

“When IS your next lesson, anyway?” Sarah asks as we navigate the packed streets of London.

“Ugh, whenever dad’s free,” I sigh. “Yes, I know, I’ve got two jobs, I can afford to pay for lessons, but…”

“Yeah, I know,” Sarah says. “And it’s THREE jobs if you count Teen Globe, even if I do most of the work there myself!”

“Only ten days to the next deadline,” I giggle. “Had any ideas for quote-unquote my next column?”

“Just… Concentrate on college today, okay?” Sarah asks, making us both giggle.

After yet another morning of banging my head against my theory work- whilst staring frustratedly at Katie happily rattling off page after page of her own work- the five ‘New Angels’ come together for lunch on our usual cafeteria table.

“Hey girlies!” Dannii squeaks excitedly.

“Hey Dannii!” Katie says. “Enjoy your big birthday weekend?”

“Of course!” Dannii replies smugly. “Lots of presents from my rich, extended family and lots of sex from my tall, sexy boyfriend! Back to work tomorrow, sadly…”

“Poor you,” Sarah says sarcastically, making the table- thankfully including Dannii herself- collapse in a fit of giggles.

“I know, I know, I shouldn’t complain,” Dannii laughs. “Especially not when I get to spend all day tomorrow showing off this sexy seventeen year old body in one ballet leotard after the other!”

“Ooh, make sure you tell Krystie that tonight,” Katie says. “Can you say ‘endorsement deal’?”

“You don’t need to remind me twice!” Dannii giggles. “How about you, Nikki, my fellow professional model? Steve got you any more work yet?”

“Huh?” I ask, barely paying attention to the conversation. “Oh, just a magazine shoot next Thursday, another teen mag.”

“You’re such a heroine to 12 year old girls!” Dannii jokes. “Almost makes me wish I was 12 again!” Unsurprisingly, Sarah shoots yet ANOTHER disapproving look at Dannii- and I can tell that Lauren and Katie noticed as well.

"God, I envy you two, I really do," Katie sighs. "I'd be putting out portfolios to every agent I could find, if I wasn't so wrapped up in college work and my weekend job..."

"How about you, Sarah?" Dannii asks, her tone suddenly cooling. "You can't tell me you didn't enjoy getting in front of the camera with your girlfriend for Teen Globe?"

"A little," Sarah replies. "I'm happiest behind a sewing machine, though!"

"Oh GOD yes," Dannii giggles. "You know that dress you made me?"

"WE made you," Lauren interjects.

"Sorry," Dannii says playfully. "You know that dress you TWO made me? My mum's already asked me to get something similar, so has Becca from work!"

"We... don't really do commissions," Sarah replies.

"Oh I dunno," Lauren retorts. "Give them our contact details, I'm sure we can work something out for the right price." This time, Sarah shoots a dirty look at Lauren- who seems a lot more put out by it than the usually-unflappable Dannii.

"We'll... Talk it over," Sarah says.

Lunch fortunately ends shortly afterwards, but before I can get back to work, Sarah drags me into the toilets.

"'Almost wish I was 12 again'?" Sarah asks. "She's GOT to be up the duff..."

"I dunno, she seems just as bubbly as she normally does," I counter.

"Meh," Sarah shrugs. "Well, she's stick-thin, she can't hide it forever."

"And what was that between you and Lauren?" I ask.

"Ugh," Sarah spits. "That whole birthday dress for Dannii was her idea. I mean, I get that Dannii's her BFF, but we lost almost £50 and two weeks on that damned thing, and now she wants us to start working for commission?"

"You've made commission pieces for me before," I remind Sarah.

"Yes, but I LOVE you," Sarah says with a smile, wrapping her arms around my neck.

"What does Lauren think about you making me those pieces?" I ask. "ESPECIALLY the lingerie..."

"She doesn't think anything," Sarah says. "They're all my own work."

"Ooh, intimate," I say, giving Sarah a quick kiss. "Though I wouldn't mind if you got Lauren to help with them. Well... Maybe not the undies!"

"You wouldn't mind, but she WOULD," Sarah sighs. "Wish I'd never partnered with her..."

"Oh come on," I plead. "She's still one of your best friends, right?"

"Yes," Sarah sighs. "Maybe- I dunno. Can we just get back to college and then home, where I know I'm around REAL friends?"

"Okay, okay," I concede, taking the time to straighten my skirt before heading back to my work.

When we arrive home, I'm all ready to drop onto the sofa for the next few hours when mum and dad call me into the living room- and by the looks on both of their faces, I can tell that what they have to say is serious.

"Is- is everything alright?" I ask, sitting down next to the equally-concerned Sarah.

"Nikki, Sarah," mum whispers emotionally. "There's something we need to tell you. Something very important."

"Are- are you guys splitting up?" I ask, tears welling in my eyes.

"No," dad says with a smile. "No, nothing like that. Your mum and I- well, your mum..."

"I- I'm pregnant," mum says. "Two months gone. Just had it confirmed by the doctor today."

"Are- are you sure?" I ask, dumbfounded by the news.

"Quite sure," mum replies.

"But- but- aren't you, you know, too old?" I ask, trying to process the information.

"I'm only 42, you cheeky madam!" Mum says with a smile.

"Nikki," dad says. "I want you to know that just because we're having a baby, it doesn't mean we love you any less. You'll always be our firstborn, our special- well, not 'little girl', I suppose. You'll always be our special young woman."

"And the best big sister in the world!" Sarah says, grabbing my hand for support.

"Absolutely!" Mum says with a warm smile. "It does mean there'll have to be a few changes, though."

"Wh- what changes?" I ask.

"We're going to need to move," dad sighs. "This is only a 2 bedroom place, and we can't ask you to share with a toddler."

"I- I can move out when I go to uni," I argue. "The baby will only be what, a few months old at that point?"

"Nikki," mum says softly. "I know this is a lot to take in. But I promise you, we won't make any decisions without telling you first."

"Okay," I whisper.

We spend the entire evening discussing the impending arrival, but everything say goes over my head like it isn't real. Even as I get into bed with Sarah, the enormity of the situation still hasn't fully dawned on me.

"Oh my god!" Sarah quietly squeaks. "You're gonna be a big sister!"

"Yeah," I reply. "My mum? My mum... Pregnant?"

"I know!" Sarah whispers excitedly. "And here we were convinced it was Dannii... Your mum's a better mother than she'd ever be anyway. Her first child turned out pretty damn well!"

"Who- who was that?" I ask, not realising that Sarah was referring to myself.

"Get some sleep," Sarah says, giving me a loving kiss before snuggling into her pillow. I do the same and am quickly asleep myself.

"Oh, doesn't she look beautiful?" The crowd in the church coos as my father leads me down the aisle to the altar.

"Such a beautiful young girl!" Another person says.

"She's so beautiful!" Another person says, and I become quickly aware that none of the crowd's attention is on me, but is instead on the little flower girl- my younger sister- walking ahead of me, sprinkling rose petals on the floor...

I wake up with a groan, wondering why I have to have such a vivid imagination. After showering, eating breakfast and dressing in a black miniskirt and light blue short-sleeved top, I hop into Sarah's car as she drive us both to college. Sarah is, of course, hyper-excited about the new arrival, but I'm still in a near-state of shock- something that's picked up on when I arrive at college.

"Hey Nikki," Katie says happily as I sit down next to her in the computer suite.

"Hey," I quietly say.

"Are you okay?" Katie asks.

"Not really," I reply, desperately trying to keep my emotions in check.

"Oh my god, what's wrong?" Katie asks with clear, genuine concern.

"It's my mum," I whisper. Nodding, Katie leads me to the nearest restroom, where we can speak in private.

"Is she okay?" Katie asks. "Is- is she ill?"

"She's pregnant," I reply.

"Oh my god," Katie says, a smile creeping onto her face. "That's so exciting!"

"Is it really?" I ask.

"Take it from someone with two little brothers, yes it is," Katie replies. "Didn't you ever wish you weren't an only child?"

"Sometimes, maybe," I reply. "I- I just can't shake the feeling that... God, this sounds stupid..."

"No, go on," Katie says quietly.

"I just can't help but feel," I say, "that they're having another child because I went wrong, somehow." Katie simply sighs and gives me a long, very welcome hug.

"You did NOT go wrong!" Katie says. "You're one of the coolest people I know!"

"Thanks," I sniffle. "But I'm not your daughter... I'm never going to give my parents grandkids... I'll always be 'the son who wanted to be a daughter'..."

"You ARE their daughter," Katie says firmly. "I've met your family, I saw you on Jeremy Kyle, it's clear your dad's accepted you as his daughter."

"Yeah, and you also saw that my granddad HASN'T accepted me as his granddaughter," I sigh. "Maybe- maybe a new grandchild would repair the damage I caused?"

"Oh god, you really are messed up, aren't you?" Katie sighs, giving me another hug. "Your parents work shifts, right? Are either of them home right now?"

"Yeah, think my mum's off work today and tomorrow," I reply.

"Go home, talk to her, explain all this," Katie advises.

"I... really can't afford to fall behind on my work," I retort.

"Oh for god's sake," Katie laughs. "If you need something urgently doing I'll happily do it for you, I'm well ahead on my project."

"I- I couldn't ask you to do that..." I say meekly, knowing that my friend won't take no for an answer.

"Hey, if by some miracle my mum gets pregnant again, you can return the favour," Katie laughs. "Now go!" Nodding, I hand Katie my memory card of unedited photos and hop on the next bus back home, where mum is sat in the living room, browsing the internet on her laptop.

"Nikki?" Mum asks as I step through the front door. "Why are you home so soon?"

"Mum..." I whisper, before giving the middle-aged woman a long hug and spilling my guts, just as I had to Katie. After a long talk- and a bit of a cry- I feel like a weight has been lifted from me.

"Nikki," mum sighs. "We've NEVER viewed you as a failure as a child, me or your father."

"I know," I say. "I just... Were- were you and dad trying for another child?" Much to my dismay, mum nods, and the weight that had been lifted comes crashing back down.

"I know that sounds like it contradicts what I just said," mum explains. "But you gave us both so much joy over the last 18 years... Call us selfish, but we want another 18 years of that joy."

"...And grandchildren afterward?" I ask quietly.

"We don't care about grandchildren!" Mum laughs, though I find it hard to completely believe her. "We're going to have our hands full as it is with the new arrival."

"...And if," I begin, "12, 13, 14 years from now, he or she goes up to you and dad and says 'I want to live life as the opposite gender'?"

"We'll let them," mum says without any hesitation. "We did the same for his or her sister, and she's turned out to be a wonderful young woman!" For the first time since returning home, I giggle, and mum almost cries at the sound.

"One thing I always wanted to know," I say hesitantly. "What- what did you and dad say to each other, that first night, May 16th last year?"

"After you became our little girl?" Mum asks, to which I nod. "Everything we talked about what based purely around how we could help you. If anything... We wished you'd told us earlier."

"So do I," I sigh, smiling happily.

Following the revelations of the last 24 hours, I almost choose to skip ballet, but after another talk with my mother, I head upstairs and change into my white tights and black leotard- hot as they may be on a warm June afternoon- before pulling on a pair of denim shorts, tying my long brown hair into a tight bun and heading off to the dance studio with Sarah. When I arrive, I'm greeted with an unexpected sight that makes me glad I decided to come- the sight of Jamie-Lee Burke, wearing a ballet uniform identical to my own, stood a few feet away in the studio.

"Before we start," Krystie announces as we all take our place at the barre, "we've got a new temporary student joining us for the next few weeks. I'm sure many of you may have heard of Jamie-Lee Burke, though you're forgiven if you haven't!" I can't help but giggle as Jamie pokes her tongue out at our teacher!

"She's been off her feet lately," Krystie continues, "I'll be working with her throughout the lesson to help her get back up to speed."

Throughout the lesson, I can't help but occasionally glance over at Jamie as Krystie helps her with her technique. It's clear that she's not nearly as flexible as she was when I saw her perform at Krystie's birthday party last year, but she's still getting down reasonably low in her plies.

After the lesson, as I'm getting ready to leave, I hear the voice of my idol calling my name.

"Nikki!" Jamie shouts, making my heart almost skip a beat- Jamie-Lee Burke knows who I am!?

"It is Nikki, isn't it?" Jamie asks, skipping over to me with a smile on her face.

"Y-yes, yes it is!" I reply enthusiastically.

"Cool, I'm so glad I got the chance to catch you before you left!" Jamie enthuses. "Do you have a second to talk?" I glance over at Sarah- my ride, after all- who eagerly nods.

"S-sure," I stutter.

"Cool!" Jamie says happily. "Let's go somewhere a bit cooler, this is DEFINITELY the wrong time of year for tights!" I giggle as Jamie leads me to Krystie's reception desk, which has a very conveniently-placed (and very welcome) desk fan running on it.

"I know I didn't sound so in our phone call," Jamie begins, "but I was really, really impressed with the way you came across on Jeremy Kyle. God knows I wasn’t that mature when I was seventeen!"

"Thanks," I say, still nervous about the woman I've looked up to for ages heaping praise on me. "Are- are you, you know, 'getting better'?"

"It's been ten weeks," Jamie shrugs. "I'm a hell of a lot more mobile than I was this time last month. Yes, I'm still a little swollen, the scars still hurt, but the stitches are long gone, and everything's settling down to how it should be."

"Good," I say with a smile. "I've got to admit, I'm not looking forward to the recovery..."

"But..." Jamie replies. "You do still want to have it done, right?"

"Absolutely," I answer. "Do you- do you regret having it done?"

"No," Jamie says with a smile. "In fact, I regret it less and less every day. It really does feel like, natural, like it's been 'that way' my whole life. Obviously though, you can only do what's right for you."

"Yeah," I say, my nerves calming.

"How long have you been doing ballet with Krystie, anyway?" Jamie asks. "I remember seeing you at her birthday last July..."

"Since the end of May last year," I answer. "Just after I started on hormones."

"So just after the place opened?" Jamie asks.

"Yeah," I say. "It was actually my girlfriend who signed us both up, we're both- oh god, I can't believe I'm saying this, I'm going to sound like such a creep..."

"No, go on, I promise I won't judge," Jamie says.

"We're both big fans of the Angels," I sigh. "Think Sarah must've made some connection between Krystie and you and Charlotte. Anyway, the rest is history, yadda yadda yadda."

"So you're not en pointe yet?" Jamie asks.

"Not yet," I say. "Maybe later in the year. Assuming I can find the time to keep up practice, that is!"

"Ah yes," Jamie says warmly. "Krystie says you FINALLY called Steve about representation?"

"Yep!" I say happily. "Only done a couple of jobs for him, reckon it's because I'm not eighteen yet..."

"Well, get your photography qualification and you'll be doubly valuable to him and get double the work!" Jamie giggles, but I can't help but sigh. "...What's up?"

"Well, turns out I suck at photography," I sigh. "It's a lot of hard work, a lot more than just pointing a camera and pressing the shutter."

"I know the feeling," Jamie says. "I just barely scraped a 2:2 in my uni studies this year."

"I'm just barely PASSING my studies," I sigh. "I never realised it until recently, but I'm much more comfortable in front of the camera than behind it..."

"Then tell Steve!" Jamie insists.

"I'm still very much bottom of his food chain," I say. "We can't all be 'Angels', heh, even though- and if I didn't sound needy and pathetic before, I will now- me and my friends at college actually refer to ourselves as the 'New Angels'. I know, right?"

"Meh, nothing wrong with having aspirations," Jamie says with a smile. "And you're hardly the first group of friends to do that. Helps that you're actually all models too. I've seen pictures online of all-male 'Angel imitators'. Makes me sick, sometimes..."

"...Sorry," I say, troubled that I might have offended the famous young woman.

"Oh, god," Jamie says, shaking her head. "YOU have nothing to be sorry about. I don't see you as a crossdresser, or even a T-girl, Nikki. To me, you're just a girl. Well, um, not 'just' a girl, um..."

"'I am a girl'," I say with a giggle. "Don't know how many times I said that to myself growing up!"

"Yeah," Jamie says with an uneasy laugh. "Um, me too..."

"And we're not all models," I say. "In fact, only me and my friend Dannii have representation."

"Dannii Samson?" Jamie asks, and I nod to confirm her suspicion. "Is she as clingy amongst friends as she is every time I see her?"

"You don't know the half of it!" I giggle. "Made especially bad by the fact that my girlfriend can't stand her..."

"Your girlfriend should definitely be a model too," Jamie says.

"Nah, she prefers sitting behind a sewing machine," I say. "She makes the clothes, I model them..."

"Yeah, Krystie showed me the website," Jamie says.

"It's weird as she's always loved performing," I continue, opening up to Jamie like I would to an old friend. "I said she's the one who signed us up for ballet, she was on our school's rhythmic gymnastics team, she actually wanted to sign us up for our college's cheerleading squad, fortunately common sense won out there!"

"Aww, you'd have made a cool cheerleader!" Jamie giggles.

"Wouldn't have had nearly enough time for it," I moan. "I'm only barely passing college as it is, I'm working a Saturday job, doing my modelling work, now I've got a baby on the way as well..."

"Oh my god," Jamie gasps. "Is- is your girlfriend pregnant?"

"Um, hehe," I giggle. "I may have misspoken, um, I'M not having the baby, my parents are."

"Aw, so you're going to have a little brother or sister?" Jamie asks with a wide grin on her face.

"Yeah," I sigh.

"Surely this is good news?" Jamie asks.

"It is," I say. "Well- maybe. Perhaps. I dunno! My head's all over the place at the moment, I don't even know what I'm going to be doing two months from now..." As if on cue, Krystie steps up to the desk, opening her drawers.

"Sorry, don't mind me," Krystie says. "Just need to find a post-it..."

"Have you ever actually cleaned those drawers out?" Jamie laughs as Krystie rummages through one drawer after another.

"I know where everything is," Krystie retorts. "I have a system."

"No you don't," Jamie jokes.

"Ugh," Krystie grunts, conceding Jamie's point. "Sometimes I think I need to hire a secretary..." As Krystie continues to shuffle through her drawers, Jamie casts a sly grin in my direction.

"Hey Nikki," Jamie says. "You got anything planned for the summer?"

"Um, not really," I reply. "Just work, probably."

"How'd you like a summer job?" Jamie asks, and I can't help but grin widely myself.

Five minutes later, after accepting Jamie's job offer- and her Facebook friend request! - I head back to Sarah's car with a wide grin on my face.

"Oh my god!" Sarah squeaks. "I can't believe Jamie-Lee Burke knew who you were!"

"Yeah," I say smugly. "You're also probably not going to believe that I just got a summer job as the Angels' PA..." Sarah gasps and nearly enters a state of shock as we drive off into the night.

Even though it's my mum and dad having the baby and not me, I can't help but feel in some way responsible, even if it is just as a big sister. I've got so used to being the 'child' of the family that it's only just dawned on me that I do need to start growing up, and fast- my confrontation with Sarah's dad and her stepmother proves that, regardless of how morally 'right' I was. Sure, a new job isn't a guaranteed way to become more mature, and time will tell whether or not I'll be able to handle the pressure of the role.

Life moves on, and I need to move with it- it's a simple fact of life that the friends I make today won't last forever, but I'll make new friends- like I have today- true friends who will accept me for who I am. Jamie's absolutely right- I don't consider myself, or her, or any of the transgendered girls who've written to me via Teen Globe to be crossdressers or T-Girls. We're 'just' girls.

And now it's about time I became a woman.

“Ugh,” I moan as my alarm clock wakes me at 7am for what feels like the millionth consecutive day.

“Morning babe,” Sarah tiredly moans, wrapping her arms around my naked body and giving me a slow, soft kiss on my neck.

“Hey,” I reply, blinking the tiredness out of my eyes. “Looking forward to today?”

“Been looking forward to it since I left in June,” Sarah giggles. “Just wish you were coming with me…”

“I know,” I sigh. “Kinda wish I was coming too…”

“No you don’t,” Sarah says, giving me a playful push. “You know EVERYONE would kill to have your job!”

“…And you’d kill me if I ever quit it, right?” I ask, giggling as I head into the shower, my girlfriend following close behind me.

“The last two months have been AMAZING,” Sarah gushes.

“They’ve been hard work!” I yell over the sound of the roaring water.

“Hey, I haven’t exactly been sat on my arse all summer!” Sarah complains. “Well, apart from that week in LA…”

“I know, I know,” I laugh. After I finish in the shower, Sarah takes her turn, which allows me to dry myself off and get ready for the day. I tie my long brown hair back into a professional ponytail and apply a full layer of make-up, including a natural eyeshadow and thick red lipstick, before pulling on a comfortable white bra and thong set and a pair of barely-black tights. My breasts have grown even more over the last three months and are now a large B cup- big enough to create a noticeable shape under everything except the baggiest sweater. It’s thankful that I have a new job, as I may soon need to buy a whole new drawer full of bras! After re-touching my long, crimson fingernails I pull on a short grey pencil skirt followed by an opaque white blouse and a pair of 2” heeled pumps. The whole look is much too mature for a 17 year old girl- let alone the 17 year old boy I’d have been if I hadn’t had the courage to live my life the way I always wanted- but I do need to look professional in my role as PA to the hottest modelling clique in the whole of Britain!

“Mmm, sexy secretary!” Sarah coos, giving me a cuddle before dressing in a plain, casual miniskirt and long-sleeved top.

“Personal assistant,” I say, correcting my lover. “And look at you, sexy student!”

“Still can’t believe this is it,” Sarah sighs. “My final year…”

“’Final year’ minus at least three years of uni!” I laugh, wrapping my arms around Sarah’s neck and giving her a soft kiss.

“Yeah, but it’s not the same…” Sarah sighs.

“Oh, stop being so melodramatic,” I chastise, grabbing my packed handbag and my work iPad. “We made great friends at college, didn’t we? I’m sure you’ll meet some equally awesome people at uni. And you and Lauren are applying to the same places, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, that is true,” Sarah says. “Where do you need dropping today?”

“Same studio as last Wednesday,” I say. “And yes, I will be claiming the petrol expenses!” Sarah giggles happily as we drive into the busy morning streets of London.

I take a deep breath as I enter the studio. I wasn’t kidding when I told Sarah that my job was hard work- each week, the Angels decide how to divide my time and I have to ensure I’m everywhere they need to be ahead of time to see that all their requirements are met, whether it’s an appropriate dressing room for a photoshoot or dietary requirements for a caterer, the girls need a LOT of things prepared for them before they can do their work, and as PA, I’m the one who gets it in the neck if anything is out of place. After bringing up today’s checklist on my iPad, I stride up to the bored-looking woman behind the counter.

“Hi,” I say to the receptionist. “I’m Nikki Thomas, PA for Hannah Dexter.”

“Hi,” the receptionist says, suddenly a lot brighter and more cheerful when she hears who I represent. “Yes, yes of course! This way please, Miss Thomas.” I can’t help but smirk as the receptionist- who has to be in her thirties- addresses me as ‘Miss Thomas’. Even as soon as eighteen months ago, the thought that anyone might address me as ‘Miss’ without question was pure fantasy, let alone in a professional capacity!

“Here’s the dressing room,” the receptionist says, showing me the plush pink room.

“Italian coffee?” I ask.

“Of course,” the receptionist simpers. “We’ve also got pink wafer biscuits, I remember reading somewhere that she liked them.”

“Very nice touch!” I say with a warm smile. “Show me the wardrobe space.”

“Right here,” the receptionist says, opening a cupboard to show ample space for the outfits Hannah will be bringing along.

“Very good,” I say, checking off everything on my iPad and sending a message to the model I’m ‘looking after’ today.

“I’ll be honest,” the receptionist says, “I expected the list to be a LOT longer.”

“Expecting the Angels to all be divas?” I ask with a giggle. “They’re all really down to earth, actually.”

“I know, I watch their show,” the receptionist giggles. “Must be so cool to be part of such a close-knit group of friends like that.”

“Yeah,” I sigh as I remember the three girls who will be at college today WITHOUT me- and the other ‘New Angel’ who I’m still forbidden from having any solo contact with. I’m brought out of my daydream by a bleep from my mobile phone.

“Whoops, looks like it’s show time,” I say with a smile as I quickly head back to reception, where my ‘charge’ for the day is waiting for me.

“Hi Hannah!” I say to the tall, platinum blonde girl.

“Hi Niks!” Hannah says, greeting me with a quick hug, despite the garment bags she’s holding.

“Mind the dresses!” I say, carefully taking the garments off of the excited girl. “Your dressing room’s all ready, I’ve got some coffee on the go, I’ll just hang these up and leave you to get ready, okay?”

“God, what would I do without you?” Hannah giggles. “Me or any of the other Angels, anyway!”

“You’d iron your own dresses after crinkling them up hugging people whilst holding them!” I joke.

“Okay, MUM,” Hannah says with mock-offence, before giggling even harder than she was before.

“Anything else you need?” I ask as I hang up Hannah’s beautiful dresses. “You’ve got a great selection here…”

“Thanks!” Hannah replies. “And no, I think I’m good.”

“Right, I’ll leave you in peace to get changed,” I say. “See you on set!”

“See you there, ‘mum’!” Hannah jokes as I leave the dressing room. In truth, I don’t mind being seen as ‘team mum’, even though I’m considerably younger than all six girls. It’s better than the alternative of ‘team little sister’… and the other alternative, ‘team little brother’ doesn’t even bear thinking about.

And yet, as Hannah and I leave the studio after a successful interview, her mostly-unworn dresses draped over my arm and notifications bleeping on my iPad, I find myself missing being ‘one of the girls’ more than ever. I had a gang, just like the Angels- ‘had’ being the operative word.

“Need me to drop you anywhere?” Hannah asks as she gets in the driver’s seat of the bright pink ex-London cab.

“Umm,” I say, checking my watch. It’s 11:45- lunch time at college is 12pm, no doubt the other four ‘New Angels’ will be congregating there soon- but there’s no way I can get there in fifteen minutes.

“Nah,” I sigh. “Just drop me home, please.”

“Can do!” Hannah says with a cheeky smile. “Even though as PA it should be YOU in the front seat driving ME!”

“Once I pass my test, I promise,” I giggle. “Need to get through my theory first…”

“How many times have you taken it now?” Hannah asks.

“Twice,” I sigh. “I hate exams.”

“Yeah, I didn’t pass my theory first time either,” Hannah says. “Unlike Viks, who of course breezed through it AND passed her practical test first time with no minors!”

“Yeah,” I say, thinking of my friends at college. “Some people are just better at academic stuff than others…”

As the cab drives down the street adjacent to my old college, a wave of emotion sweeps over me, and before I can check what I’m doing, I’ve leaned forward, knocking on the driver’s window.

“Actually, can you drop me here, please?” I ask.

“Are you sure?” Hannah asks. “It’s still about a mile to your home, that’s not going to be fun in heels…”

“I’ve got a spare pair of flats in my bag,” I reply. “I just- I just need to see someone, that’s all.”

“Okay,” Hannah says, pulling up at the side of the road and letting me out. “See you later, Niks!”

“See you, Han,” I reply, taking a deep breath and walking down the back street toward my college. Sure enough, once I get near the front door, I see a familiar tall, slender blonde girl leaving the front entrance. Even though I know I shouldn’t- and I could get in a LOT of trouble if I’m found out- I increase my pace- giggling at the conspicuous clicking of my heels on the pavement- to catch up to the teenager.

“Hey Dannii!” I say, catching the tall girl by surprise.

“Oh, hey Nikki,” Dannii says with obvious surprise in her voice. “What are you doing here? I thought you’d be hanging out with your new celebrity friends…”

“Nah, I was only needed this morning,” I reply. “Just been for lunch with the girls?”

“Umm, yeah,” Dannii says. “They’re all excited about the new college year.”

“Oh, okay,” I say, taken aback by Dannii’s uncharacteristic bluntness. “Did- did they say anything about me?”

“No, not really,” Dannii replies with what looks like a smug smile.

“Really?” I ask. “Not even Sarah?”

“She may have mentioned something,” Dannii says. “I wasn’t really listening. Look, Nikki, I can’t really hang around, I’m off to a photoshoot this afternoon. You know, actual MODELLING work for Joshua Benedict. Say hi to the Angels for me!”

“Will do,” I wave as Dannii walks off. When I first told her- and the other girls- about my job, they were all excited, none more so than Dannii. But now… I’ve never known her to be as hostile to me. This is the girl who nearly turned lesbian to be with me… Now she can’t stand to be around me?

Remembering Hannah’s advice, I swap my heels for the ballet flats in my bag and walk the rest of the way home, where I immediately switch on my computer and starting writing my latest Teen Globe column. From the Angels’ perspective, I may be just a PA, a hanger-on, but I do have some limited fame in my own right, even if it just amongst pre-teen girls- some of whom will be starting their first or second years of secondary school today and might want some of my ‘words of wisdom’. I even correspond (through Teen Globe, obviously) with a few transgendered schoolgirls. There’s one girl I’ve grown particularly fond of called Laura who had a hell of a first year at secondary school- I just hope her second year goes more smoothly.

After finishing my column and my correspondence, I change out of my ‘work clothes’ into a comfortable white long-sleeved top and a knee-length grey pinafore dress, heading downstairs just in time to catch dad coming home from a long shift behind the wheel of his taxi.

“Morning!” I joke as I crash on the sofa, my non-work iPad in hand.

“Don’t start,” dad sighs.

“Long day?” I ask.

“Had better, had worse,” dad laughs as he makes himself a drink. “How was today’s round of babysitting celebrities?”

“It’s a bit more involved than just babysitting celebrities!” I retort. “Though to answer your question, it was good, thanks.”

“Good,” dad says, relaxing into his chair. “You cleared out your room yet?”

“Dad!” I chastise. “We’re not moving for another 2 weeks!”

“Yeah, so the earlier you get it done, the better!” dad laughs. “I would say ‘just leave a few essentials unpacked’ but looking at the amount of make-up you’re wearing that’d probably be an entire chest of drawers!”

“Hilarious,” I sigh.

“Nikki…” Dad says, sensing that I’m not in the mood for his usual teasing. “Is everything okay?”

“No,” I say, before sighing. “Yes. You know everyone went back to college today…”

“Everyone… Except you?” Dad asks softly.

“Yeah,” I say. “I’ve never really had a close group of friends before, certainly not at school, I just- god, this sounds stupid- I just really thought we’d be companions for life.”

“There’s no reason you can’t hang out together,” dad says. “I mean, Sarah works closely with one of these friends, right?”

“Yeah, that’s true,” I reply.

“And you still see them at ballet, right?” Dad asks.

“No,” I sigh. “Not yet, anyway, Katie and Dannii are in a more advanced class than me, Lauren doesn’t go at all…”

“I hardly ever see my old school friends any more,” dad says. “If it wasn’t for Facebook I’d probably have no contact with them whatsoever. But they’re still my friends, and they always will be.”

“Um, thanks, I think?” I reply.

“My point is,” dad continues, “that just because you won’t be spending every waking second with each other, it doesn’t mean that you’re not still friends. And you’ve got the day off tomorrow, go and surprise them at college!”

“Will do,” I say with a wide smile.

Twenty minutes later, my smile grows even wider as Sarah walks through the front door and I greet her with a long, lazy kiss.

“Hey,” Sarah giggles. “I REALLY missed you today… College just isn’t the same without you there.”

“I missed you too,” I sigh as we collapse back down on the sofa together. “Didn’t realise how much I missed college until today…”

“Everyone else missed you too,” Sarah said. “Lauren, Dannii and especially Katie. We’re meant to be the fab five, after all!” Really? That’s not what Dannii said… Though obviously I’m not going to tell Sarah that I ran into her today.

“Maybe I should drop in for lunch tomorrow?” I ask with a cheeky grin. “You know, ‘do a Dannii’?”

“As long as that’s her only trait that you copy!” Sarah giggles. “But that’d be nice…”

We spend the rest of the evening cuddling on the sofa- Sarah occasionally breaking away to sketch down ideas for her course- before heading to bed just after 10pm. As I cuddle up next to Sarah under the covers, I can’t help but sigh happily, especially as she playfully wraps an arm around my naked body.

“…I don’t mind if you cop a feel,” I whisper, making us both giggle.

“They’re almost as big as mine,” Sarah giggles as she gently rubs my nipples, making me shiver with excitement. “When was the last time you actually wore your falsies?”

“Oh, months ago now,” I laugh. “Doctor reckons they won’t grow that much more- I might end up a C cup, but I’ve been on hormones now for 16 months, any major physical change has already happened.”

“You… You don’t want implants then?” Sarah asks delicately.

“Don’t really feel I NEED them,” I reply. “Yes, I know Jamie has them, and she’s my idol etc. etc. But I’m happy with my body the way it is.”

“100% happy?” Sarah asks, making me sigh sadly.

“There is ONE thing I’d change,” I moan.

“There’s a part of me that can’t believe you’d actually have it done,” Sarah muses, playfully massaging my one last remnant of masculinity. “I mean, sometimes I forget that you’ve wanted to be a girl since long before we first met.”

“I’ve been so much happier since the hormones have kicked in,” I sigh happily. “It’s like, this is who I was always meant to be. You saw how depressed I’d get before I came out, right?”

“It was heart-breaking,” Sarah whispers, continuing her ‘playing’. “Then again, whenever I did what I’m doing now, I’d get at least SOME reaction…”

“Trust me, there is a reaction, even if it’s not obvious!” I giggle, giving Sarah a long kiss. “Get some sleep, babe.”

“Goodnight, sexy girl!” Sarah giggles, giving me a long, deep kiss before rolling over and quickly falling asleep.

“Do you, Sarah Jennifer Phillips,” the minister says, “take this woman, Nicola Christine Thomas, to be your lawful wedded wife?”

“I do,” Sarah says.

“And do you, Nicole Christine Thomas,” the minister says to me, “take this woman, Sarah Jennifer Phillips, to be your lawful wedded husband?” I take a long, lingering look at Sarah- unlike me, she’s not wearing a pristine white wedding dress, but is instead wearing the smart tuxedo of a groom. And yet… Everything about this feels so right.

“I do,” I whisper nervously.

“You may kiss the bride,” the minister says. Immediately, Sarah grabs my suddenly-small frame and dips me backwards, kissing me deeply with the promise of much, much more…

I blink the tiredness out of my eyes and stare confusedly at the still-slumbering form of my lover. In our relationship, even despite my change, it’s always been the case that she’s ‘the girl’ and I’m ‘the boy’, but as time’s rolled on, that’s become increasingly less the case. However, I’ve never before viewed myself as ‘the girl’ and Sarah as ‘the boy’… Though that prospect excites me in a way I haven’t felt since Sarah and I first started having sex.

Sarah wakes a couple of hours later, showering and dressing in a fancy top and knee-length skirt she designed herself. I stay in bed, grateful for the lie-in, and see Sarah off with a lingering kiss. I eventually get up just under an hour later, showering and dressing in a pair of thick black tights, my favourite denim hot pants and a long-sleeved khaki top. I still apply a full face of make-up, of course, and when I head downstairs, I can’t help but smile as dad doesn’t even blink at my overtly feminine look for the day. It really is just like I’ve always been a girl.

“Morning, sleepyhead!” Dad laughs as I slump on the sofa. “Don’t get too comfortable, you’re going driving in a bit.”

“What?” I complain. “I thought we were having a lesson tomorrow?”

“And we are,” dad says. “No reason we can’t have one today as well, so get your shoes on!” I sigh as I pad back upstairs and slip on a pair of ballet flats, but dad is, of course, right. When I was a boy, he’d always talk about how much he was looking forward to teaching me how to drive- and now I’m a girl, that’s one of a very short list of things that hasn’t changed with my gender.

After 90 minutes of driving around the busy streets of West London, dad starts to direct me toward home, but a glance at the clock makes me speak up.

“Actually,” I say, “rather than home, can we go to my old college, please?”

“Planning on surprising Sarah at lunch?” Dad laughs.

“That is the plan,” I giggle.

“Go on,” dad says, taking my place in the car’s driving seat as I head into the vast dining hall. As I stride through the room, I can’t help but feel the gazes of the 16 and 17 year old boys find my feminine body. This had happened when I attended last year, of course, but I always actively ignored the attention. I try to ignore it now, but there’s a niggling part of my brain that craves it… However, it’s not a boy that I’m here to see.

“Hey girlies!” I squeak excitedly as I sit down next to Sarah, opposite Katie and Lauren.

“Hey,” Katie says coolly. “Long time no see…”

“Not too busy hanging around with celebrities today, then?” Lauren asks with a sly smirk.

“No,” I giggle. “They’ve all got the day off, which means so do I!” Lauren and Katie both laugh, but it’s a polite, restrained laugh.

“Besides,” Sarah says, “if you want to hang out with an Angel, just say the word and we’ll put in a good word with our ballet teacher…” Lauren simply blushes and shakes her head.

“I… am missing this place,” I say, hoping to defuse some of the tension. “Especially you guys. But, you know, nothing lasts forever…”

“Yeah, that’s true,” Lauren says with a smirk.

“Not even your open invite to those celebrity parties?” Katie asks.

“Oh please,” I say dismissively, “I’m just a PA, it’s not like I’m famous myself…”

“Says the model with her own magazine column!” Katie retorts.

“And it’s not like we haven’t hung out with the Angels from time to time…” Sarah boasts, giving me a brief cuddle- and souring Katie’s facial expression.

“I haven’t actually DONE any modelling in ages…” I moan. “Kinda hoping to help you with your projects this year.”

“Sure,” Katie says. “Give me Steve’s number and I’ll see how much I won’t be able to afford you by!”

“No,” I sigh. “You know I’ll do it for you for free…”

“Ooh, very gracious of you,” Katie replies sarcastically.

“Girls,” Lauren says firmly, shutting myself and Katie up.

“Besides,” Sarah says, “you’ve agreed to take photos for our website free of charge, haven’t you?”

“Yes,” Katie sighs.

“And with Nikki and Dannii modelling, it’s a true ‘New Angels’ venture!” Lauren says, bringing smiles back to everyone’s faces.

“…Except you do pay Dannii a token fee, right?” Sarah asks.

“…And you pay Nikki in product, what’s your point?” Lauren asks, making everyone giggle.

Despite the initial tension, I leave lunch with a smile on my face- and not just because of the male attention I’m grabbing. Dannii’s ‘irritation’ yesterday had clearly rubbed off on Katie & Lauren- or the other way round, I’m not sure. Katie in particular seemed to take me leaving college almost personally- which is a bit unfair considering how much better she was at the work.

After briefly returning home to check my messages on my iPad, I head over to Sarah’s house, letting myself in with my key. Sarah herself returns a short while later with Lauren in tow.

“Hey girlies!” I say, greeting Lauren with a hug and Sarah with a kiss.

“Aww,” Lauren coos as she sees us kiss. “Am I going to have Snikki’s company tonight?”

“Stop calling us that!” Sarah moans as she gets out her sketchbooks and sewing machines.

“Never,” Lauren giggles, flicking through her sketchbook to a page with a sketch of a gorgeous-looking asymmetrical green dress. “I should say though… Dannii may have invited herself around tonight.” Sarah’s facial expression suddenly becomes blank at the mention of her ‘love rival’.

“Fine,” Sarah says.

“So tonight’s Snikki vs Launnii then?” I ask.

“No, really, don’t,” Sarah says, concentrating hard on her work.

“I figured that once we’d finished an item we could get two actual professional models to, well, model them,” Lauren explains.

“Yeah, it’s cool,” Sarah says, though she’s clearly tense about Dannii and I being in the same room as each other- little does she know that Dannii herself isn’t my biggest fan right now…

Sure enough, when Dannii arrives an hour later, she greets both Lauren and Sarah with hugs, before sitting down as far away from me as possible.

“So, Nikki,” Dannii asks. “Which Angel were you clinging onto today?”

“Day off,” I say smugly. “Only Angel I’m clinging onto today is a ‘New Angel’!” I slide up next to Sarah and give her a quick cuddle, bringing the smile back to her face and deepening Dannii’s frown.

“Except we’ll never be the ‘New Angels’,” Dannii sighs. “Not really, anyway.”

“Doesn’t matter what we call ourselves,” Lauren says with a grin. “As long as we’re together, all five of us!”

“Speaking of,” Dannii says, “where IS Katie?”

“Probably doing her work at home,” Lauren muses. “Not like last year, when we’d all do our work together under one roof…” Even despite Lauren’s positive attitude, I can’t help but feel that that comment was directed squarely at me.

“That’s gonna be even more difficult when you’re all at uni!” I joke, trying to defuse the tension.

“Very true,” Lauren concedes. “You know where you’re applying to yet, Sarah?”

“I really don’t want to leave London,” Sarah says. “For obvious reasons, yes!” I giggle girlishly as Sarah gives me a quick cuddle.

“Aww,” Dannii coos. “The more I see you together, the harder it is to figure out who’s the girl in the relationship!”

“That’s the whole point of being a lesbian couple,” I say smugly. “We’re BOTH the girl.”

“Yeah, but that, you know, wasn’t always the case, was it?” Dannii asks.

“I’m not really comfortable talking about this,” Sarah says coldly.

“Not even amongst friends?” Lauren asks, before realising just WHICH friend of Sarah was asking the question. “…Umm, never mind. Sarah, have you made a start on that red skirt yet?”

“Started AND finished,” Sarah replies, the smile returning to her face.

“Well then,” Lauren says, “can we get one of our professional models to wear it, please?” Now giggling, Sarah steps out from behind her sewing machine and hands me a flimsy scarlet garment. Also giggling, I head into Sarah’s downstairs toilet, stripping off my shorts and my tights and sliding the short skirt up my legs. I step out of the toilet and back into the ‘workspace’ in the kitchen, earning wolf whistles from all three girls as I parade around the room, showing off the skirt and- more importantly- my smooth, toned legs.

“Now SHE’S got legs!” Dannii coos, despite Sarah’s death glare. Come on, get some stilettos on and I’ll photograph you! For, um, for the website.”

“It’s okay, I can do it,” Sarah says defensively.

“Nah, you’re busy with your work,” Dannii retorts. “I’m no Katie but I can take a few photos…” With Lauren looking on expectantly, Sarah sighs.

“You know where the screen and camera are,” Sarah says, making Dannii giggle excitedly. A few minutes later, I’m stood in front of the white background, posing flirtatiously as Dannii takes photograph after photograph, mostly of my lower half, but a few full-body shots too. I spend the rest of the evening modelling Lauren & Sarah’s ‘hot off the press’ creations. Even though they work very efficiently as a pair, in addition to the already-completed skirt they only manage to complete two further garments throughout the evening, a long-legged sleeveless floral playsuit that I model, and a cute backless leotard dress that Dannii models and flat-out refuses to take off after finishing the photographs, even after I demand a turn wearing it!

Eventually, though, Dannii & Lauren leave- Dannii still wearing the dress, claiming she’ll change at Lauren’s house- and Sarah and I head to bed shortly afterwards, falling asleep in each other’s arms after ending the day with an orgasm each…

We’re both awake early on Friday morning, Sarah for college and myself for work. After showering, pulling on a clean bra & thong set, tying my hair into a cute plait and applying a liberal amount of make-up, I pull on a pair of shiny black tights and a short black pencil skirt, following up with a cream coloured blouse and my cutest ballet flats. After grabbing my iPad and saying goodbye to Beverly, Sarah drives me to the photography studio where I ensure everything is ready prior to the arrival of my ‘bosses’ for the day.

“Hey Nikki!” Viks says as she greets me in the studio’s reception, with Charlotte following closely behind. “Love the hair!”

“Hey girls!” I say happily. “Everything’s all ready and waiting for you, the changing room is kitted out exactly the way you wanted, and they’ve also laid on the spare one in case it’s too cramped.”

“Nah, I’ve been here before, it’ll be fine for two,” Charlotte says confidently. “Can you get me some water? I’m utterly parched this morning…” Smiling smugly, I reach into my handbag and pass Charlotte a bottle of her favourite brand of mineral water.

“I don’t care what Joshua says about his brand, YOU are the real Angel!” Charlotte says, eagerly gulping down the water. I stay with the girls throughout the morning, watching with envy as they model item after item of sexy lace lingerie. Both Charlotte & Viks help themselves to an armful of teddies, basques and corsets after the photoshoot ends, whilst I follow them with my handbag full of stationery and mineral water.

“You okay, Nikki?” Viks asks as I lead her and Charlotte back to her car.

“Yeah,” I sigh. “Just… Professional envy, hehe.”

“Aww, sometimes I forget you’re a model too,” Charlotte says, giving me a quick hug. “When you turn eighteen I am SO getting you signed to Joshua, then you can do all the sexy lingerie shoots you want!”

“Not sure my dad would approve of that!” I laugh.

“No, but I’m sure your girlfriend would…” Charlotte teases, before handing me a small wrapped package. “I’ve... got enough lingerie at home.”

“Oh my god!” I squeak. “Thank you, thank you so much!”

“Just be sure to hide it from your dad!” Charlotte jokes as she gets in Viks’s car. “And take it easy on the drive home, my motion sickness is playing up again…”

I slip Charlotte’s gift into my handbag and walk the hundred metres down the street to where my father is waiting in his car. With a sly smile, I slip my handbag- complete with its ‘secret’- onto the back seat of the car and get in the driving seat, driving away for the next hour and a half before being dropped at Doctor Williamson’s office.

“Hi Nikki!” The middle-aged woman greets me as I enter her office, crossing one leg over the other as I sit down in her comfortable chair. “You’re looking well today.”

“Thanks,” I say to my counsellor as I smooth my skirt over my legs. “Yeah, just been at work, had a driving lesson… Been really busy this week!”

“You do look increasingly happy now that you’re working,” Dr Williamson notes. “This week would’ve been the first week back at college, wouldn’t it?”

“Yeah,” I sigh. “That’s kinda caused some problems, actually.”

“Go on,” Dr Williamson says.

“It’s just my friends feel I’ve abandoned them,” I moan. “They haven’t said as much but they’re clearly unhappy that I’ve not gone back. That, and I’m now working with the Angels, they’re all big fans of the Angels…”

“You think they’re envious of your new job?” Dr Williamson asks.

“It’s a safe assumption,” I sigh.

“Have you talked to them about this?” My counsellor asks.

“Not yet,” I reply. “I’ll get them on Facebook tonight. I- I really don’t want to lose my friends, that’s the thing…”

“It’s understandable,” Dr Williamson says. “They were the first close group of friends you made since your coming out, aren’t they?”

“Yeah,” I say. “We met on the first day of college last year and just hit it off from there… Though the ‘Dannii incident’ in February should’ve been a clue that it was the beginning of the end…”

“Friends will occasionally fall out,” Dr Williamson says comfortingly. “If you just talk it through, I’m sure you’ll all eventually be happy with the new arrangement.”

“Yeah, I guess,” I reply. “Speaking of new arrangements… I’ve been finding myself getting different ‘urges’ lately…”

“Sexually?” Dr Williamson asks delicately.

“Yeah,” I reply. “Well, yes AND no… I’m still ‘active’ with Sarah, I’m still only attracted to women, but… I’m finding male characteristics increasingly attractive.”

“That’s understandable,” Dr Williamson says. “Biologically, we are hard-wired to find characteristics of the opposite sex attractive for procreation. Yes, people like yourself are homosexual, but generally speaking, female brains are attracted to male characteristics and vice versa.”

“So you’re saying… I shouldn’t be afraid of these feelings?” I ask.

“Afraid, no,” Dr Williamson confirms. “Though it may help to analyse these feelings- and your feelings for Sarah- to help you understand them better.”

After an hour of psychoanalysis, I leave the office feeling slightly less confused about my feelings, but still troubled about the disintegrating relationship between myself and my friends. As it’s late afternoon- well past lunch time- I head home, where I change into a comfortable long-legged playsuit similar to the one I modelled last night and crash on my sofa, iPad in hand. I’ve barely finished checking my messages when the front door opens and my mum- and her very visible bump- steps through the front door.

“Hey mum,” I say, helping her with her coat as she sits down.

“Oh for god’s sake,” mum sighs, “I’m pregnant! I’m not an invalid!”

“I’m just being a good daughter,” I argue.

“That’d certainly explain why you’re dressed like a 4 year old!” Mum jokes.

“This is a fashionable playsuit, not a romper,” I complain.

“And your pigtail?” Mum asks, stroking my long, brown hair.

“PLAIT,” I correct my parent.

“Did you tie it yourself, or did Sarah?” Mum asks.

“Myself,” I say with pride.

“Guess that’s one of the mother-daughter experiences we never had, me plaiting your hair,” mum muses.

“Well lucky for you you’ve got sixteen years of that coming up shortly,” I laugh, before turning my attention to mum’s bump. “Isn’t that right, sis?”

“Yes, yes,” mum jokes as I crash back down on my sofa.

“Are you, you know, pleased that she’s a girl?” I ask cautiously.

“Why wouldn’t we be?” Mum asks. “Our first daughter turned out alright, and as we’ve said countless times, SHE’S NOT A REPLACEMENT FOR YOU.”

“I know, I know,” I sigh. “Have you decided on a name yet?”

“You ask me that every day!” Mum laughs. “And the answer is still no.”

“I can’t wait to be a big sister,” I say with a smile.

“You’re going to be a great big sister,” Mum says. “I’m glad you’re not moving out, not just yet.”

“Just remember I work full-time,” I giggle, “so I’m not going to be available to babysit 24/7!”

“That’s what maternity leave’s for,” mum laughs, standing up. “You ready for dinner? And before you say anything, yes, I AM going to cook it.”

“Please,” I say, knowing better than to argue with my mother. As my mum heads into the kitchen, I open up Facebook on my iPad and compose a new message to Katie.

‘Hey girlie,’ I type with a smiley face.

‘Hey Nikki,’ Katie replies. The conversation pauses briefly as I wait for Katie to reply, but when she doesn’t, I type out a message.

‘Sorry I couldn’t come to lunch today,’ I type. ‘Was busy all day.’

‘It’s fine,’ Katie replies, leading to another pause.

‘Are you busy with work right now?’ I ask. ‘Sorry if I’m interrupting anything.’

‘No, it’s fine,’ Katie replies, though I can tell- even from text- that it’s NOT fine.

‘Katie…’ I type. ‘Are we okay? Because you seem, you know, kinda distant…’

‘I’M not the one who distanced myself from the group,’ Katie snipes.

‘Is this about my new job?’ I ask. ‘You knew how badly I was doing at college, we can’t all be as talented as you!’

‘If you were having that many problems, you’d have asked for my help,’ Katie replies.

‘I didn’t want to be carried through college,’ I type. ‘If I was going to pass, I’d want to do it on my own merit, not off the back of someone else’s work. I’m sorry if you feel that I’ve let you down somehow. I’ll still model for you, of course.’

‘Would Steve approve?’ Katie asks, and suddenly I have a revelation- Katie has always considered herself to be a model, and yet unlike myself or Dannii, doesn’t have any professional representation…

‘I don’t mind putting in a word with Steve,’ I type. ‘I’m sure he’d be happy to add you to his books.’

‘Thanks, but if I’m going to get professional representation, I’d want to do it on my own merit,’ Katie replies, making me wince as my own words are turned against me. ‘Nikki, I’d prefer it if you didn’t come to lunch any more.’

‘I come to lunch for Sarah,’ I type.

‘Well what you two do is up to you,’ Katie replies. ‘I have to go now. Goodbye, Nikki.’ Katie almost immediately signs out of the messaging app and I collapse back onto the sofa, groaning with frustration. Next to Sarah, Katie was probably my best friend… I’d never even considered that she might have this big a problem with me. Was it my ego that caused me not to realise that she might be unhappy being in my shadow? Was it Katie’s ego making her envious? Either way, I’m going to have to give her- and our precious lunch hours- space for a while…

Sarah comes home just before dinner, and after eating- and talking through the ‘Katie issue’ with Sarah- we head to bed. After stripping naked, however, I remember Charlotte’s earlier gift to me.

“Babe?” I ask. “Can you give me a sec?”

“Umm, sure,” Sarah says confusedly, sliding out from underneath the bed sheets and heading into the bathroom. Grinning wickedly, I unwrap the delicate items, and my heart flutters when I see them for the very first time. I slide the see-through black teddy up my legs, loving the feeling of the mesh fabric stretching over my body and the feeling of the delicate lace back nestling between my buttocks. I roll the dark hold-up stockings up my legs, before slipping my feet into my highest-heeled stilettos. After fixing my make-up and nail polish and spraying on a cloud of my sweetest perfume, I untie my plait and tie my hair into a high updo. Confident that I am every inch the sex kitten I always wanted to be, I pull the sheer peignoir over my head and recline on my bed.

“I’m ready,” I purr.

“Okay, what the big sec- whoa…” Sarah gasps as she sees me splayed out on the bed in all my glory.

“Package for Miss Phillips,” I coo as Sarah stands in the doorway, her mouth agape. “Aren’t you going to unwrap it? Or rather, aren’t you going to unwrap ME?” Visibly shivering with excitement, Sarah takes me in her arms and kisses me long and deep. I remain completely passive as I allow her tongue to probe my mouth and her fingers to explore my body. Before too long, my peignoir is on the floor and my breasts have been freed from the teddy. I pant with excitement as Sarah kisses my nipples, gently tugging on them with her lips. It doesn't take long for the teddy to join the peignoir, and not much longer for me to reach a powerful orgasm- a 'favour' I immediately return.

“I’ll say again: whoa,” Sarah says as she lays back in bed, panting heavily.

“Sarah,” I ask, gently stroking her bare belly, “this is going to sound so weird, but- are you gay?”

“Umm,” Sarah mumbles. “Bit of a left-field question that!”

“Yeah, but it’s a simple yes or no, surely?” I reply. “I mean, I consider us to be a lesbian couple.”

“I do too,” Sarah says, but I can tell from her tone that she’s not completely convinced.

“Are you sure?” I ask. “I mean, worst case scenario, something happens to me and you move on, would it be with another girl?”

“I wouldn’t move on,” Sarah says firmly. “You asked me if I’m a lesbian, and the answer is no. I’m not homosexual… I’m Nikkisexual. I don’t fancy ‘men’ or ‘women’… I only love you.” My heart melts and I nearly cry at this profound declaration of love.

“I only love you,” I whisper back. “Call me ‘Sarahsexual’!” Sarah giggles, before rolling over and giving me a long, deep kiss.

“You know,” Sarah says, “it IS Friday night… Six months from now we’ll both be eighteen, reckon you can get Jamie to invite us on a famous Angels girls night out?”

“I can ask, I guess,” I say. “I mean, we’ve been to the occasional girls night in, I don’t think they’d have THAT big a problem with it… Though that’d no doubt just drive Katie further away…”

“HER problem,” Sarah says smugly.

“Yeah, but…” I sigh.

“No buts,” Sarah says with a grin. “She’ll also be eighteen by then, we’ll just have to ask if she can come too!” I grin as I give Sarah another kiss, before we fall asleep in each other’s arms.

I wake up on Saturday morning still wrapped in Sarah’s soft embrace. I smile tiredly as I gently pepper her neck and shoulders with kisses, my heart fluttering with every sleepy moan she makes before she herself wakes up and gives me a gentle, lingering kiss on my lips.

“Shall we just, you know, not get up today?” I ask.

“Ugh, if only,” Sarah moans. "Some of us don't have part time jobs but still have to find money from somewhere!"

"Oh come on," I complain. "You and Lauren are surely making enough money from your online store?"

"Yeah," Sarah concedes, "but it's not exactly guaranteed money..."

"I can always buy some more dresses if need be," I joke.

“Hehe,” Sarah giggles, giving me a quick kiss as she gets up and heads to the shower, and another kiss after she dresses and drives off to her day out. I stay in bed a while longer, getting up just after 10am, showering and dressing in a very loose, comfortable t-shirt dress (I don’t even both with any make-up) before switching on my computer and getting down to work. I still have a column for Teen Globe Magazine that needs writing, I still have an increasingly-popular blog and YouTube channel that need maintaining (though obviously I’m not going to be making any vlogs without any make-up on) and I have a lot of spare time in which to do it, especially since I quit my own Saturday job!

I’ve just about finished the first half of my column for next month when my train of thought is derailed by the new Facebook message notification on my phone.

‘Hey Nikki, got a sec?’ Reads the message from Jamie-Lee Burke.

‘Sure,’ I immediately reply. ‘Didn’t think I was needed today?’

‘Nope, none of us are working,’ Jamie types. ‘And on that note, up for a girls night in tonight?’ I giggle before typing my reply.

‘You know I am!’ I reply. ‘Sarah’s at her Saturday job all day but I’ll text her and let her know.’

‘Cool!’ Jamie replies. ‘See you at 7!’ I grin as I return to my work- nights in with the Angels may not be as fun as their regular costume parties or their nights out- at least I assume not, given that I haven’t attended either of those events yet- but they are very, very fun. After firing off a quick text message to Sarah telling to meet at Charlotte’s house, I start typing again, but within 10 minutes I’m interrupted yet again by another Facebook message.

‘Hey girlie!’ Dannii’s message reads. ‘Sorry I’ve been such a cow earlier this week… Been working hard, something I’m sure you understand! I’ve got the house to myself tonight, so we’re all having a New Angels get-together! See you at 7!’

“Ah, shit,” I whisper as I read the message- I want to mend bridges with Dannii more than anything, but if faced with the choice of a fun evening with the Angels or a tense evening with me and Katie and Sarah and Dannii at loggerheads… I know which one I’d choose. I’m about to text back an excuse when an idea suddenly pops into my head and I reopen the chat window with Jamie.

‘Hey,’ I type.

‘Hey, what’s up?’ Jamie replies. ‘Isn’t Sarah able to make it tonight?’

‘About that…’ I type, hesitating before sending the message. ‘I’ve kinda had a falling out with some of my friends lately… I think they’re kinda envious that I get to work with you guys, could I invite them along? There’s only three more of them, and they’re all really cool, honest.’

‘Hmm,’ Jamie replies. ‘You know if it was up to me I’d say yes- I trust you have good taste in friends! I’ll ask Charlotte and the others if they wouldn’t mind- it’s her house so it should really be her who says yes or no.’

‘Thanks!’ I type. As much as the ‘New Angels’ may be annoyed- mostly at me- getting them into a proper Angels party, even if it is just a girls night in, will SURELY get me back in their good books. I keep writing for the next half hour but can barely concentrate, I’m that excited about the prospect of the ‘big party’. When I hear my Facebook message alert chime a short while later, I almost jump out of my skin, but when I read Jamie’s message, my heart sinks almost through the floor.

‘Hi Nikki,’ Jamie types. ‘I’ve spoken to Charlotte, and she’s sorry but between you and Sarah and Becca and Adeola, our girls nights have started to become pretty cramped as it is without adding an additional 3 girls. Maybe at some point in the future. Shall we still see you and Sarah tonight?' I pause to think- do I really want to snub Dannii’s party? Then again, do I really want to risk driving a bigger wedge between myself and her and Katie?

‘Sure, see you at 7!’ I type with a smiley face, getting a smiley face in return from Jamie.

‘Hi Dannii,’ I type in reply to the tall, blonde girl. ‘Sorry, but I can’t make it tonight, Sarah’s out all day. Do you want to grab lunch tomorrow, just the five of us? My treat.’

‘Sure,’ Dannii replies, before logging out. I’ve clearly annoyed her by ‘snubbing’ her, and she’s a girl who is VERY unaccustomed to having people say no to her. After finishing my work and eating a light dinner, I change out of my slouchy dress into a cute pleated miniskirt, a pink t-shirt and high-heeled sandals- also taking the time to apply a full face of make-up, of course- before Sarah pulls up outside in her Mini.

“Girls night!” Sarah squeaks excitedly as we drive off into the bustling streets of central London.

“Girls night!” I reply, laughing happily. “I, um, should say that it wasn’t quite the only offer we had tonight…”

“Oh?” Sarah asks. “Are you FINALLY being invited to celebrity parties? Well, OTHER celebrity parties, anyway?”

“Not quite,” I say. “Dannii invited all of us to her house for a ‘New Angels Summit’.”

“Ugh,” Sarah spits. “Glad you chose the REAL Angels!”

“I dunno,” I moan. “I don’t want to drive Dannii, Katie or Lauren any further away…”

“As if any of them wouldn’t have done the same!” Sarah laughs. “Dannii especially, she’d sell her own grandmother for the chance to hang out with the Angels.”

“I think I actually heard her say that once,” I chuckle.

When we arrive at Charlotte’s mansion, we’re greeted with hugs by the other girls present- obviously the host is there, as is Jamie, Krystie and Rebecca.

“Is it just the six of us tonight?” I ask, feeling slightly offended that Katie, Lauren and Dannii were excluded on the grounds of space when there’d be fewer of us than normal even if they were present.

“Yeah,” Charlotte sighs. “Mary’s at home looking after her baby, Hannah and Viks are on a double date, Addie’s got something else on, she didn’t say what.”

“You two should have brought your leos,” Krystie jokes. “Could’ve given you an impromptu lesson in Charlotte’s studio upstairs!”

“We’re still doing those foot-strengthening exercises you gave us,” Sarah laughs. “You want us en pointe in two months, we’ll get there!” Krystie giggles as we head into Charlotte’s living room, collapsing heavily on one of her plush sofas.

“I’ll open the wine,” Jamie says, before looking at myself and Sarah. “AND the fruit juice!”

“Oh as if we’ve never drank alcohol before,” Sarah laughs.

"Yeah, well I refuse to be the one responsible for getting you pissed whilst underage," Charlotte retorts. "Though March 6th next year, I am SO getting you both hammered!" Sarah and I laugh excitedly as Krystie and Jamie leave for the kitchen. Sensing a rare opportunity to speak candidly to my 'idol', I excuse myself and follow the two women into the kitchen (earning myself a sharp pinch on the right buttock from Sarah as I stand up!).

"Hey," I say to the two women as I enter the kitchen. "Need a hand in here?"

"Nah, we're good," Krystie says.

"Is this about the thing we talked about earlier?" Jamie asks.

"...Kind of," I reply. Jamie exchanges a quick glance with Krystie, who simply nods and picks up the drinks.

"Back to waitressing it is for me, then," Krystie giggles, leaving me alone with Jamie.

"Did your friends know about your 'offer' before you asked me about it?" Jamie asks.

"No," I say. "That's a level of awkwardness I'm glad I've avoided!"

"Why have you been falling out?" Jamie asks, making me sigh and slump into a kitchen chair.

"It's ever since I started working for you," I say. "Don't get me wrong, I love the job, I really do."

"You're great at it, too," Jamie says.

"Thanks," I continue. "But... I dunno. They're clearly envious- I mean, who WOULDN'T be? They think I'm going to abandon them and be this big celebrity who forgets about her friends..."

"Um, you're not exactly a celebrity, no offence!" Jamie teases.

"I know that and YOU know that," I laugh. "Doesn't help that I blew off a party with them to be here tonight..."

"That... was probably a mistake," Jamie says. "How long have you known these girls?"

"About a year," I say. "They're actually the first friends I made at college, the first friends who've only ever known Nikki, not Nick as I used to be."

"That's a fairly big deal, then," Jamie says.

"It is," I reply. "I think I've told you about them before, we called ourselves the 'New Angels'... One of us is even signed to Joshua." Jamie looks lost in thought for a second, almost as if remembering something, before her concentration returns.

"Sorry," Jamie says. "Is that Dannii Samson?"

"Yeah," I say. "You know her?"

"Vaguely," Jamie says. "I've only met her a few times but she is a bit full-on. Kinda reminds me a bit of a younger, much less mature Charlotte, hehe."

"...And she's the one who was hosting the party," I moan, making Jamie grimace.

"It's not good," Jamie says, shaking her head. "And believe me, I'm speaking from experience. The Angels haven't always been the close-knit group of friends we are today."

"I read your blog," I say shyly. "I know about you and Charlotte..."

"Did you know about the falling-out I had with Krystie?" Jamie asks. I shake my head as a surprised expression creeps over my face.

"Oh my god," Jamie laughs. "That was an EPIC falling-out. Lasted almost six months, in fact. Right at the back end of 2011, we'd agreed to do a joint calendar shoot, then Charlotte got me a professional calendar shoot for Christmas so I had to pick between rejecting Charlotte's gift or going back on the promise I made to Krystie..."

"Oh shit," I whisper. "That's not a choice I'd ever want to have to make!"

"Long story short, I picked Charlotte, and it took forever for Krystie to forgive me," Jamie sighs. Almost as if on cue, Krystie walks back into the kitchen, heading straight for the wine rack.

"You have NOT drunk that all already?" I ask.

"I'm just looking for some white," Krystie complains. "As you'll know when you get old enough to become winos like us!"

"Hey Krys," Jamie says with a wicked grin on her face. "Remember my 2013 calendar?"

"Ugh," Krystie snorts, rolling her eyes. "You know, and I'm not proud to say this, I was actually glad when that flopped..."

"But our combined efforts now are much more successful, right?" Jamie asks.

"Course they are!" Krystie giggles, giving Jamie a playful hug. "What's brought this on?"

"Me," I say, sheepishly raising my hand. "I kinda... Blew off a party from my old college friends to be here tonight..."

"BIG mistake," Krystie says, sitting down next to Jamie at the kitchen table. "Seriously, just don't let down your oldest friends. Right, Jamie?"

"Thanks Nikki," Jamie laughs. "I'm gonna be apologising for this again for the next month..."

"Aww," Krystie giggles, giving Jamie another hug. "Are these the same friends you wanted to invite along tonight?" I nod. "For what it's worth, I was all for it. Don't forget I've been teaching Dannii and Katie for months, yes, Dannii's a little intense, but I really, really like Katie."

"She'd be so happy to hear you say that," I sigh happily. "Have you ever given her Steve's number?"

"I'll be honest," Krystie grimaces, "I didn't actually she realise she was a serious model, I always thought she was happier behind the camera. I swear, first thing after the lesson on Monday, I'm giving her his card." I smile- even though they are my bosses, the Angels really do care for me as a friend.

"Do something to make up to the girls," Jamie advises.

"Already taken care of," I say smugly. "I'm taking them all out for lunch tomorrow."

"Aww," Krystie coos unexpectedly. "This is so cool, you've got a real mentor and pupil thing going on!"

"If you're saying I look like Yoda, I'm going to down that bottle in one and hit you over the head with it!" Jamie jokes, making the entire table laugh.

"Hmm!" Krystie says in her best Yoda impression. "Drinking heavily, Jamie is!"

"Come on, let's get back to the party," Jamie says, leading us back into the living room, where we laugh, gossip and drink the night away.

Sarah and I eventually head back to her house just before 11pm, where we head almost immediately to bed.

"No peignoir this time?" Sarah jokes as she cuddles her naked body up against mine.

"It wouldn't be a 'special' package if you received it every night..." I joke. "Did you have anything planned for tomorrow?"

"Nope," Sarah replies. "I was thinking of maybe driving to Milton Keynes to see Karl and Kerrie, but it is a long way..."

"Okay," I say. "I had planned on having lunch with Katie, Lauren and Dannii, you know, to make up for tonight, but if you want to see your brother and sister-"

"Nah, I'll go next weekend," Sarah says with a grin. "Don't really want to face 'the dragon' anyway. And lunch DOES sound nice."

"It's settled then," I say, giving Sarah a quick kiss. "Get some sleep. Love you, babe."

"Love you too," Sarah whispers, rolling onto her side and quickly falling asleep.

We take the opportunity to sleep in on Sunday morning, neither of us wanting to let the other out of our arms. After (reluctantly) getting up just after 10am, we shower before dressing for the day.

After applying a full face of make-up and touching up my nail polish, I pull on a comfortable black bra and thong set and translucent black tights, before pulling on a cute knee-length indigo dress. I wear a matching pair of heels- they're brand new but go so well with the dress, I can't not wear them! Sarah dresses similarly to me, only opting for clear tights and a dress with a light floral pattern that she made herself.

"You really are the most beautiful girl in the world," Sarah sighs as she encircles my narrow waist from behind.

"I'm IN LOVE with the most beautiful girl in the world," I say happily. "And once again, you're welcome to cop a feel!" Sarah giggles as she gently massages my left breast, before grabbing her handbag and car keys.

We arrive at the cafe for lunch just before 12pm. Katie and Lauren are already there- gratifyingly, Lauren is also wearing one of her own dresses, whilst Katie's opted for a slightly more casual look with black tights, denim hot pants and a long-sleeved top.

"Hey girlies!" I say excitedly.

"Hey," Lauren replies with a neutral facial expression. Upsettingly, Katie doesn't reply at all.

"Have you ordered yet?" Sarah asks.

"Not yet," Katie replies. "We're waiting for Dannii, you know, so that everyone's here?" I grimace as I feel Sarah bristle at Katie's thinly-veiled accusation.

"Did you have fun at Charlotte's last night?" Lauren asks, barely disguising her contempt.

"It was okay," I say.

"So you snubbed your friends for a night that was only 'okay'?" Katie retorts.

"I'm sorry, okay?" I say. "I made a mistake, I should've come to Dannii's instead. Happy now?"

"Umm, no?" Katie spits in my direction.

"For what it's worth, I asked if you could come along too," I say. "All three of you."

"And when they said 'no', you went along anyway?" Katie replies.

"I said I was sorry!" I snap.

"Ah, I see you've started without me," Dannii says. "Quelle surprise."

"Really, Dannii?" Sarah spits, earning herself a foul stare from the tall model.

"Nikki DID say she tried to invite us to the party last night," Lauren says, clearly upset by the anger being shown by everyone.

"Oh, how gracious of her," Dannii snorts. "I mean it only makes sense, someone who isn't even signed to Joshua Benedict should decide whether or not to invite the Angels' colleague along to their party..."

"Joshua has well over a hundred models on his books," I retort. "The Angels barely even know you!" I flinch a little as Dannii shoots me a look of pure, unadulterated hatred.

"Girlies," Lauren says to no avail.

"You little fucking bitch," Dannii snipes. "You selfish, snobbish COW!"

"'Selfish'?" Sarah laughs. "This coming from the girl who tried to steal Nikki away from me a few months ago?" Both Katie and Lauren gasp at this revelation.

"And how glad am I that I didn't?" Dannii says smugly, earning a truly furious stare not just from Sarah, but from me too.

"Hard lesson to learn, isn't it?" I spit. "Knowing that the whole world doesn't revolve around you just because you're tall and can have the pick of any boy you want?"

"NIKKI!" Lauren snaps.

"Bet you're loving it, aren't you?" Dannii retorts, ignoring her best friend's outburst. "Lording it over everyone else, you're the friend of the Angels whilst we're just your hangers-on!"

"You mean like you used to lord over us with your fancy contract from Joshua Benedict?" I snipe. "'Ooh, look at me, I'm a New Angel AND I'm going to be a real Angel too!'" Dannii stands up, fury in her eyes.

"Fuck you," Dannii spits, storming out of the cafe.

"You know," Katie says coldly, "you really are a nasty piece of work. Enjoy your celebrity life, Nikki. I hope one day you realise just how lonely it is." My heart sinks and my stomach churns as Katie stands up and also walks out. With tears welling in my eyes, I look expectantly at Lauren, who simply shakes her head.

"I'll... I'll talk to them both," Lauren says.

"I'm- I'm sorry," I say in a very small voice.

"I'm not the one you should be apologising too," Lauren says stoically. "I'll see you on Monday, Sarah." Without even eating anything, Sarah and I both leave the cafe and head back to her car, where I have a long, emotional cry.

"Why?" I ask. "Why do I have to fuck everything up? My grandparents, the girlies..."

"You are NOT a fuck-up!" Sarah says, giving me a much-needed hug. "I love you. I'd love you even if you weren't working for the Angels! I'd love you even if you were sat on your arse all day doing nothing!"

"I love you too," I blub, letting the emotion out for the next several minutes before my eyes finally dry up.

"I'm still hungry," Sarah says, handing me my handbag. "And for the love of god, fix your make-up!" I laugh a weary, but welcome laugh as I fix the make-up that was destroyed by my crying. Once I'm 'repaired', we head back to the cafe, but along the way are stopped by a group of 3 girls, all in their early teens.

"Hi..." One of the girls says cautiously. "Um, are- are you Nikki Thomas?" My jaw drops as the girl asks this question- surely she can't be a 'fan'?

"Hi," I reply with obviously surprise. "Um, yes, that's me!"

"Oh my god!" the girl squeaks. "It really is you! Can we get a selfie?"

"Sure!" I say, giggling a little.

"We all LOVE your column in Teen Globe," the girl explains as I pose for the photo with them. "I mean, we're not, like, um, we are 'full' girls, but we just think you're great!"

"Aww, that's so nice!" I say, waving to the girls as they walk off, their selfie undoubtedly already being uploaded to the internet.

"My famous girlfriend!" Sarah beams with pride. I smile too, but it doesn't last long as Katie's words come back to haunt me. "What's up, babe?"

"Katie's right," I moan.

"Katie is NOT right!" Sarah retorts.

"She was right about it being lonely..." I sigh, making Sarah frown.

"You're NEVER lonely, not as long as you have me," Sarah says, forcibly linking her fingers with mine. "And I am NEVER letting you go. I will love you FOREVER."

"And I'll love you forever," I whisper, giving Sarah a gentle kiss.

"Now come on," Sarah insists. "I'm still hungry!" I force a smile on my face as we head back to lunch. Yes, I'll always have Sarah, and I'll always be eternally grateful. Sarah should be everything that I need, but... I already miss my friends. In a way, it'd have been 'better' if that had rejected me for being transgendered rather than being, well, 'me'. I'll make new friends- I already have, in fact, in Jamie & co- but Katie, Lauren and Dannii will always hold a special place in my heart, even I no longer hold a place in theirs.

"Let's eat," I say to Sarah with a confident smile. If Katie, Lauren and Dannii are to be parts of my past, then that's where they'll have to stay. All I care about is the present, and the future- MY future, with Sarah.

I straighten my short black pencil skirt and my clingy, translucent tights as I jump in the back of the pink London cab. I slip my stiletto heels off and stretch my tired toes, satisfied that a hard day’s work is complete.

“Don’t let those toes get too comfortable,” Viks teases as she gets in the driver’s seat. “Aren’t they going to be supporting your entire bodyweight later tonight?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” I mock-groan. “I mean, it’s not that I DON’T like ballet, it’s just- haven’t I worked hard enough today?”

“You love it really,” Viks teases. “Obviously more than you love driving…”

“Hey, I’ve passed my theory test, haven’t I?” I argue. “Okay, it was at the third attempt, but still…” Viks chuckles as she drives me back to my new home, where I collapse on the sofa, resting my poor feet. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job, but over the past few weeks it’s become increasingly tiring- especially as in addition to six models, I also have to help co-ordinate the camera crews filming them for the second season of their reality TV show.

The increased workload has essentially spelled the end of my own brief modelling career- after declining booking after booking due to my PA work, Steve and I eventually decided it would be best to part ways- I still write my column for Teen Globe and maintain my blog, but what little fame I have is limited to those two outlets. As hard as I work looking after the Angels, I'm nowhere near as famous as them, nor will I ever be...

As tiring as my life is, though, it’s always enjoyable- especially as all of the Angels have quickly become close friends of mine and Sarah’s. We’re included whenever they’re planning a party, or a night in- provided it’s appropriate for under-18s, of course- and we are both treated as ‘two of the girls’, which we’re both particularly happy about given that the group in which we were previously ‘two of the girls’ simply doesn’t exist anymore.

After the ‘New Angels’ fell apart I assume I’d happily move on, become an associate of the ‘Real’ Angels and live the rest of my life, but I find myself missing the other three girls more than ever… In particular, as ashamed as I am to admit it, I’m missing Dannii. Many of the girls I hang out with now are a lot of fun- bouncy, bubbly, that sort of thing- but none of them have the kind of subversive sense of humour that Dannii does, the ability to energise a room simply by walking by outside. Many of the girls who know her will describe Dannii as ‘full-on’, ‘exhausting to be around’, and whilst they ARE correct… I still miss her. I miss Katie too, with her endless optimism and formerly-open and friendly outlook on life, and whilst I still occasionally talk to Lauren (usually when she’s working with Sarah) we’ve drifted further and further apart… Lauren always declines out invitations to girls’ nights with the Angels, probably out of fear of offending Katie and Dannii the way we did, and Sarah’s mentioned that she’s grown distant from Lauren too, their relationship is now purely professional.

Fortunately, I’ll ALWAYS have Sarah. When we’re not at work or college, we spend literally every waking second together. It’s been three years since we became girlfriends, but I love her more with every passing day. It helps that my parents have grown increasingly fond of Sarah- Sarah even sees my dad as a surrogate father- and Beverly and I have always got on well. And, almost every night, I find myself dreaming about our dream wedding, standing in front of the minister wearing identical wedding dresses, leaning in together for our first kiss as wife and wife…

“Afternoon, ballerina!” Dad shouts as he comes through the front door, snapping me out of my daydream. “Have you eaten yet? Your class is in a couple of hours, isn’t it?”

“Uh, yeah,” I say. “And no, I’ve not eaten yet…”

“Well, you know the drill,” dad says smugly. “First one home makes dinner.” I playfully roll my eyes as I hop off the sofa and- after exchanging my work clothes for a comfortable knee-length denim skirt and pink t-shirt- set about cooking (well, microwaving) the evening meal. One unexpected side-effect of my job is that my parents increasingly see me as less their child, and more as another adult living in the house (even though I’m still a few months short of my eighteenth birthday). As much as I enjoy the additional freedoms that come with these responsibilities… A part of me is missing being a child. I’ve only been my parents’ daughter for 18 months, and whilst I’ll always treasure those months… They’re ending far too fast for my liking.

After dinner I head up to my bedroom to get ready for another recent change to my life that both dad and Viks hinted at earlier. After stripping down to just my thong, I roll a pair of soft pink tights up my legs, before pulling on a stretchy black tank leotard that supports my still-growing breasts. After tying my long brown hair back into a severe bun, I open my pink dance bag and briefly stare inside at the newest addition to my ballet gear- the shiny satin pointe shoes sat at the top of the bag. Sarah and I were ‘promoted’ onto pointe shoes last week by Krystie in a big, ceremonial day trip to her dancewear supplier where we tried on nearly twenty pairs each before settling on our ideal ‘size’. Krystie made a special fuss out of us as we were the first students of hers who she guided from their very first lesson up to the point (pun not intended) where we were ready for pointe shoes and her advanced class. After Katie and Dannii fell out with Sarah and myself, they also quit Krystie’s class out of spite (blaming the Angels for the falling out as much as they blame us), meaning that Krystie’s advanced class had two open spots, spots that Sarah was very eager to fill with the both of us.

I, however, wasn’t quite as eager. Not because of the discomfort it’d cause to my feet- Krystie gave myself and Sarah several exercises to ensure that our feet were ready and prepared for the strain of dancing en pointe- but because, even though I have Sarah there with me, all the other girls in the advanced class are leaps, bounds, pirouettes and fouettes ahead of me- Sarah included. Obviously, I can’t expect to just leap in and immediately be Darcey Bussell, but every lesson I attend, I get shades of college all over again… And it doesn’t help that my parents are eager for me to keep up my dancing (even offering to pay for part of the cost of the lessons) so that my unborn sister will have a place in Krystie’s class when she’s old enough.

After pulling my skirt back on, followed by a pair of cute flats, I head downstairs to find Sarah already waiting for me in her Mini.

“Hey, Nikkirina!” Sarah says, greeting me with a kiss and a long hug as I sit down in her car.

“Hey, Sarahrina!” I happily reply. “I really missed you today…”

“I missed you too,” Sarah says, gently squeezing my carefully-manicured hand. “Damned project’s taking me FOREVER… And Lauren’s not being any help either, just turns up, does the minimum amount of work then fucks off…”

“Is she still pulling her weight on the web shop?” I ask.

“Yes, but we hardly ever collaborate anymore,” Sarah sighs. “Remember when we’d stay up all night working on a massive, elaborate dress? Not any more…”

“It was your business to begin with,” I say. “If you don’t her working with you any more…”

“But that’s the point,” Sarah moans. “I DO want her working with me… the old Lauren, I mean…” I sigh and nod as we drive into the centre of the busy city- whenever Sarah’s upset, it upsets me and vice versa. Fortunately, Sarah perks up as we enter the dance studio to be greeted by our new classmates. My ‘status’ is hardly a secret but the other women- whose ages range from 15 all the way to late 30s- all treat me as though I were just ‘one of the girls’- though I do get a few whispers and sniggers whenever I kiss Sarah at the end of a lesson. What I do find funny, however, is how myself and Sarah are apparently preferable company to Dannii & Katie!

“Hey girls!” Krystie says to the entire class as we wait in the reception area in our skimpy leotards. “Come on in, it’s a cold night, let’s get warmed up!” Sarah and I smile happily as we file into the studio with the other women and take our place at the barre. After ninety minutes of dance (the last half hour of which is spent in our pointe shoes), we prepare to leave the class when Krystie summons us back to the barre, saying that she has an important announcement. I can tell by the look on Sarah’s face that she immediately knows what the ‘announcement’ will be.

“Girls,” Krystie says with a smug smile on her face. “As of midnight tonight, one of us in this room will no longer technically be a girl!” Krystie grimaces a little, and I start blushing with embarrassment as the eyes of the room slowly creep in my direction.

“Umm,” Krystie continued, realising her faux pas, “by which I mean, of course, that she’ll join the ranks of adult women, isn’t that right, Sarah?” Sarah and I exchange a brief giggle as Sarah takes my ‘embarrassment’ onto her own 17 years and 364 days-old shoulders. Sarah blushes a beautiful shade of red as the entire class- myself included- launch into an impromptu rendition of ‘Happy Birthday to You’ and Krystie presents her with a medium-sized pink cake with a tiny pair of marzipan pointe shoes on the top.

“Oh my god, thank you so much!” Sarah gushes, blushing even further as Krystie photographs her with her cake.

“Don’t expect this for every birthday,” Krystie giggles. “But it is your eighteenth tomorrow, it’s just about the most important birthday of them all! Got anything special planned?”

“You know I do, you’re coming to it!” Sarah laughs, making our dance teacher giggle even harder.

“I mean apart from Charlotte’s extravaganza on Friday,” Krystie laughs. “Doing anything special tomorrow night?”

“Ugh, just dinner with my family,” Sarah moans as she cuts the cake and hands out slices to the eager class. “I know, I shouldn’t moan, but sadly ‘family’ includes ‘dad’ and ‘dad’ means ‘stepmother’…”

“’Dad’ does means your younger brother and sister, though,” I remind my girlfriend, who nods in agreement.

“It will be good to see them again,” Sarah says between mouthfuls of cake, which doesn’t last long in a room full of hungry, tired ballerinas. On the way back to Sarah’s house in her car, I can’t help but feel sad about Sarah’s unhappiness with her relationship with her father- especially considering how close I am to mine.

“Are things REALLY that bad between you and your dad?” I ask gently.

“I really don’t want to talk about it,” Sarah sighs.

“Oh come on, you know you can talk to me about anything, right?” I say, making Sarah sigh again.

“It’s not dad that’s the problem,” Sarah explains. “It’s ‘the dragon’. You saw how she was at Father’s Day, if she had her way dad would completely disown me. I’m half expecting her to try to persuade him to do that tomorrow.”

“That’s just stupid,” I comment. “Just because you’re turning eighteen doesn’t make him any less your dad.”

“Try telling ‘the dragon’ that,” Sarah moans as we drive on into the night. After a lazy evening in front of the TV (during which Beverly eagerly wolfs down the last of the cake), Sarah and I retreat to bed, where after quickly freeing each other from our dancewear, we snuggle together in-between the thick, warm sheets.

“Last night as a minor,” I tease, giving Sarah a quick kiss on her lips. “Get some sleep, you’ll need it for tomorrow!” Sarah smiles and kisses me back as we press our naked bodies closer together, quickly falling into a deep sleep.

The following morning, after a sleep filled with dreams of wedding dresses, I wake before Sarah and gently untwine myself from the slumbering woman, taking care not to wake her. After pulling on a spare nightie and a dressing gown, I head downstairs to rendezvous with Beverly, who’s already hard at work cooking Sarah’s breakfast. Ten minutes later, the two of us loudly open Sarah’s door, waking her up and immediately putting an embarrassed smile on her face with our rendition of ‘Happy Birthday to You’ and our massive piles of presents.

“Happy birthday dear grown-up,” Beverly and I both sing with massive grins. “Happy birthday to you!”

“Oh my god!” Sarah gushes with tears forming in her eyes. “This is so amazing!”

“Just because you’re an adult now, it doesn’t mean I can’t spoil you!” All three of us laugh happily as Sarah tears open her presents. As Sarah loves making clothes so much, we’ve mostly given Sarah new fabrics in lieu of clothing- and a brand-new, state-of-the-art sewing machine with which to make her latest masterpieces! She also, of course, has vast quantities of cosmetics, DVDs, books, and a few pieces of ‘special’ underwear from yours truly that Sarah keeps to one side to open in secret! I save my ‘main present’ to Sarah for last- a delicate gold chain that I wrap around her neck, giving her a gentle kiss as I do so.

“It’s beautiful,” Sarah whispers as she fingers the delicate chain. “Thank you, I love you so much!”

“I love you too,” I whisper, giving Sarah another gentle kiss before a cough from Beverly separates our lips.

Even though it’s Sarah’s special day, it’s still a weekday, meaning that Sarah still has to go to college and I still have to go to work, so after showering, Sarah and I get dressed, me in my usual translucent tights, blouse, short pencil skirt and heels, Sarah in black tights, a long-sleeved purple top and a knee-length flared skirt she made last month that looks utterly gorgeous on her- and on me, on the rare occasion I’m allowed to borrow it!

After breakfast, Sarah drives me to the TV studio where I await my ‘boss’ for the day, who greets me with a big hug.

“Hey Nikki!” Charlotte says excitedly. “Big day today!”

“God, it’s not like it’s MY birthday or anything…” I giggle. “How are you doing, anyway?”

“I’m okay,” Charlotte sighs, rubbing her abdomen. “Morning sickness has FINALLY stopped, thank god. Still, at least it means I get to do loads of maternity-themed TV spots like this one!”

“Your dressing room’s all ready and waiting,” I say, leading the blonde woman to the plush red-themed room. “Good thing about it being a TV shoot today is that we don’t have to worry about accommodating our own cameras, heh.”

“YOU don’t have to worry about that, anyway!” Charlotte giggles as she shuts me out of her dressing room, changing into her carefully-pressed dress for her latest TV interview. As always, Charlotte’s interview goes smoothly, without even the slightest hitch- she’s such a professional and so calm in front of the cameras, sometimes it’s hard to believe that she’s only 23. After changing back into her ‘regular’ clothes, Charlotte approaches me with a sly grin on her face.

“Have you got everything on that list I gave you?” Charlotte asks.

“You ran over budget a little so I had to put in some of my own money,” I explain. “But yeah, I got everything!”

“Let me know how much you’re out and I’ll make it up to you,” Charlotte insists, opening up her purse.

“Seriously, it’s not much,” I say, trying to force Charlotte’s purse back into her handbag. “It’s no more than £100, tops.”

“Then let me give you £100!” Charlotte says, confused by my refusal of her offer.

“I’d prefer it if I made some kind of contribution,” I say. “I mean, I AM her girlfriend, it’d just feel wrong if I-“

“Say no more,” Charlotte giggles, putting her purse away. “See you tomorrow morning?”

“Of course!” I giggle. “Assuming I survive dinner with the ‘wicked stepmother’…” Charlotte chuckles as we part ways, her going to her home and me to mine, where I’m greeted by my heavily-pregnant mother.

“Hi mum,” I say as I come through the front door, before kneeling down next to her swollen belly. “Hi sis!”

“Hi Nikki,” mum says, before playfully wobbling her belly and mimicking a baby voice. “Hi big sister!”

“See you in two months’ time, sis!” I say, sitting down and easing my feet out of my heels.

“What time is Sarah’s mum picking you up?” Mum asks.

“Just after 6:30,” I sigh. “Can’t stay out late on account of Sarah’s brother and sister, they’ve got school tomorrow, I’ve got work, Sarah’s got college… Sarah says thanks for her presents, by the way.”

“Least we could do,” mum says with a warm smile. “Funny to think that two years ago, we didn’t have any daughters, now it feels like we have two with a third on the way!”

“Girls rule,” I say with a cheeky grin. After a light lunch, I head upstairs and change out of my work clothes into my dress for the night. It is, of course, a dress Sarah made- it’s calf-length, made of a shiny indigo satin-like material with hints of lilac throughout. It has long, see-through sleeves and a low neckline to expose just enough cleavage. I wear it with a dark pair of hold-up stockings and 4” heeled stiletto pumps. After curling my hair, fixing my make-up and repainting my long nails a deep, dark red, I put on my most expensive jewellery, spray on my best perfume, grab my handbag (containing yet another gift for Sarah, of course) and head downstairs to gasps of awe from both my parents.

“Wow,” dad says, giving me a gentle, fatherly hug. “You really, truly do look beautiful.”

“Thanks,” I say with a broad, scarlet grin.

“You honestly do,” mum gushes. “If this baby looks half as beautiful as her sister, she’ll be a very lucky girl indeed!” I can’t help but blush slightly at the praise being heaped on me, but luckily my blushes are spared mere minutes later by a knock on our front door.

“Wait here,” dad orders. I comply, standing still in the living room as he opens the door and ushers Sarah into the house. We both gasp as we see each other- as beautiful as I’ve tried to make myself tonight, I’m nothing compared to Sarah. Her long, brown hair has been tied into a high ponytail and allowed to cascade over her bare shoulders, and her make-up is as professional and immaculate as my own, but her dress…

“You look amazing,” I breathe. “I want that dress!” Sarah giggles as she twirls around, showing off her dress. It’s knee-length, crimson red and strapless, and has playful ruffles all over that seem to enhance Sarah’s fledgling curves. Her nails are painted a similar colour to the dress, and her heels- equal in height to my own- match the dress perfectly.

“I know what I’m getting you for YOUR eighteenth, then!” Sarah giggles, giving me a kiss as we head out to her mother’s car. “I would ask you to show off your dress but I’m kinda already familiar with it, hehe!” Sarah and I both laugh happily as Beverly drives us to the fancy restaurant she’s booked, but Sarah’s smile quickly disappears when she sees her ‘other’ family- including her stepmother- waiting outside the restaurant.

“Don’t let her get under your skin,” I say, gently squeezing Sarah’s hand. “You’re here to see Karl & Kerrie, not her.”

“And we’ll both be here,” Beverly says. “This is YOUR night. YOUR special day.”

“OUR special day,” Sarah says happily, returning my squeeze and giving me a long, deep kiss before we exit the car. I can’t help but smirk as I see both Sarah’s father & stepmother glare disapprovingly at the two of us, whilst Kerrie giggles happily and Karl looks VERY interested in the two of us as a couple. I can’t help but smile sadly as I look at the two young children in their party outfits- Karl looks very smart in his shirt, tie and trousers whilst Kerrie looks utterly ADORABLE in her little party dress. I remember back to when I was their age and forced to dress up smartly for a party, or a family meal or anything similar- every ‘event’ I’d attend, I’d have to wear a similar outfit to Karl’s, whilst I’d have given anything to be able to wear a dress like Kerrie’s. As I feel my long skirt swish around my nylon-covered legs, I’m reminded that sometimes dreams do actually come true.

Once all of us- including Sarah’s three surviving grandparents- are seated and our orders are taken, the attention immediately turns to the birthday girl.

“So, Sarah,” Robert- Sarah’s father- asks, “did you get anything nice?”

“I got EVERYTHING nice,” Sarah says happily, fingering the gold chain around her neck. “Mum got me a new sewing machine, Nikki got me this chain…”

“Isn’t that nice,” Diane- Sarah’s stepmother- says with a firm grin. “A girl spending so much money on her best friend…”

“Well, I DO love her…” I say smugly as Sarah and I exchange happy smiles.

“Yes dear,” Diane says condescendingly. “You love Sarah as a friend.” I bristle as the older woman demeans myself and Sarah. Obviously, if it were up to me, I’d verbally lay into her with everything I had, but with children present, not to mention Sarah’s grandparents, I need to be tactful. I just about prepare a retort and open my mouth to speak, when I’m interrupted by an unexpected source.

“Oh come on mum,” Karl moans. “They’re obviously lesbians, why can’t you just accept that?”

“Karl Robert Phillips!” Diane snaps. “Where did you learn that word?”

“What?” Karl protests. “It’s not like it’s a swear word, that's what Nikki and Sarah are, lesbians.”

“Thank you, Karl,” Sarah says to her brother before shooting a smug smile toward Diane. A brief silence fills the room before being broken by the question I was dreading.

“What’s a lesbian?” Kerrie asks, making both myself and Sarah grimace.

“It’s where-“ Karl begins, before being interrupted by his mother.

“A lesbian is a woman or a girl who is confused about what she wants,” Diane says, earning very dirty glares from myself and Sarah. “A woman who is going through a phase that WILL END SOON.”

“I’m not confused,” I say, linking my fingers with Sarah.

“Nor am I,” Sarah says with a sly grin, before leaning in and giving me a kiss.

“A lesbian is a woman who loves other women,” Karl says quickly, not allowing his mother to interrupt. “Most women love men, but sometimes you get women who love women instead, and that’s what Nikki and Sarah are.” I can’t help but giggle at how Karl- an 11 year old boy- is able to explain homosexuality more accurately and tactfully than his supposedly adult mother.

“Oh, okay,” Kerrie says, before going back to studying her menu.

“It’s a phase they’ll grow out of eventually,” Diane says, making me roll my eyes with frustration.

“No, I won’t,” I say firmly, earning a filthy stare from Sarah’s stepmother. “I LOVE Sarah, and I always will.”

“And I’ll ALWAYS love Nikki,” Sarah says, giving me another kiss.

“I won’t let you expose my children to this- this- this!” Diane hisses, earning disapproving stares from not just myself and Sarah, but Sarah’s grandparents as well.

“Really?” I ask smugly. “Seems like Karl’s got a much better understanding of the situation than you do…” Diane prepares an undoubtedly angry response to my argument, but is thankfully interrupted by the arrival of our starters. The food thankfully manages to cool the argument, and by the time Sarah is presented with her rich chocolate cake, everyone around the table is wearing a smile on their face.

“Make a wish!” Sarah’s grandmother says as Sarah leans in to blow out her candles. For a brief moment, Sarah’s eyes lock with mine, then she blows out all eighteen candles in a single breath, to the applause of everyone at the table.

“What did you wish for?” Kerrie asks excitedly.

“If I told you, it wouldn’t come true,” Sarah teases, before sitting back down next to me and giving me a quick kiss. After we’ve all had a slice of cake and our bellies are full almost to the point of bursting, Sarah’s father rises from his chair and gives Sarah a small pile of presents, that she eagerly unwraps- mostly things like clothes and DVDs, but he hands her her final gift separately from the rest. Sarah opens the small box and gasps at the sight of what’s inside.

“Dad,” Sarah whispers as she fingers the thin silver necklace. “It’s beautiful, thank you so much!”

“You’re very welcome,” Robert says, giving Sarah a long, fatherly hug. “Thank you for being such a great daughter over the last eighteen years!”

“Now let’s get that gold chain off your neck so you can wear it now!” Diane says smugly, looking pointedly in my direction as I bristle under her stare.

“Noo,” Sarah says. “Nikki got me this chain, I want to wear both!”

“Don’t be silly, you can’t wear gold AND silver!” Diane snorts. “Now get that chain off so your father can put your new necklace on you!”

“It’s Sarah’s birthday, she can wear whatever she wants,” Sarah’s grandfather (Beverly’s father) says firmly. Clearly desperate to avoid any further arguments, Robert complies and wraps the necklace around Sarah’s neck, before giving his daughter a quick kiss on her forehead. Sarah gently fingers both delicate chains, smiling smugly at the scowling Diane.

“I made you a bracelet too,” Kerrie says, jumping off her chair and tying the thin strap around Sarah’s wrist.

“Thank you, Kerrie!” Sarah says, giving her sister a quick hug. “It’s beautiful!”

“It is,” I gush at the delighted little girl. “You’re really talented!”

“Aww, thanks!” Kerrie says. “Would you like one too, Nikki?”

“You know what?” I ask, looking at Diane. “I think I would. But only if you’re happy to make one for me?” Kerrie giggles and nods her head happily, making both myself and Sarah smile at her youthful eagerness.

The meal only lasts another twenty minutes afterwards- Diane removes her family from the restaurant as fast as she can, barely giving Robert enough time to give Sarah one final hug before being dragged away, leaving myself and Sarah with Beverly and Sarah’s grandparents.

“I’ve no idea why he ever married that woman,” Sarah’s grandmother (Robert’s mother) sighs. “The only good things that ever came out of that marriage are Karl & Kerrie.” Knowing better than to argue with her ex-mother-in-law, Beverly simply nods.

“Still, that is a VERY beautiful necklace,” Beverly says as Sarah shows off the silver chain and the bright red jewel attached to it.

“It is,” Sarah sighs sadly. “So’s this,” Sarah says, holding up her crude, home-made bracelet.

“I know you love being a big sister,” Beverly says, giving Sarah a quick hug. “Sometimes I feel I should apologise that I never had any other children for you to play with when you were growing up… And now you ARE grown up…”

“And you’ll always be a cool big sister to my sister when she’s born,” I say. “Well, SECOND coolest big sister, anyway…” Sarah giggles as I join in the now-group hug.

“This has been the best birthday EVER,” Sarah muses happily. “Despite ‘the dragon’!” All of Sarah’s grandparents laugh at her insulting nickname for Diane as we polish off the last of the birthday cake and head home. Within an hour, Sarah and I are both snuggled together in her bed, warming each other’s body against the cold November night.

“Happy birthday, Miss Adult,” I whisper teasingly in Sarah’s ear. “I have one more present for you…” Sarah gasps with ecstasy as I pepper her body with kisses, gradually moving lower and lower...

The following morning, it’s Sarah’s turn to wake me up, gently shaking my still-tingling body awake just after 7:30am when her alarm clock goes off.

“Hey,” Sarah says softly. “Hey, wake up, kid!”

“Don’t call me kid, old woman,” I moan as I roll over and try to get back to sleep.

“Oh stop moaning,” Sarah says, standing up and stretching her naked body in front of me. “If you get up in the next ten seconds, I’ll let you take naked photos of me…”

Needless to say, when I leave the house an hour later, I have a smile on my face, my usual work clothes on my body and several photographs of Sarah’s naked body stored on my smartphone. Sarah drops me off at Charlotte’s posh mansion before heading off to college, her face still wearing last night’s smile.

“Yoo-hoo?” I call, opening the door with my key. “Anyone home?”

“Hey Nikki!” Jamie says, descending the stairs in her pink dressing gown and giving me a quick hug. “LOVE that pencil mini. How was the big night?”

“Titanic-sized car crash,” I chuckle. “Thanks mostly to the wicked stepmother. Who WON’T be at tonight’s party!”

“Hey Nikki!” Charlotte says as she leaves her kitchen and greets me with a tight hug. “God, I’m SO looking forward to tonight! Can you believe this is the first time I’ve ever actually organised an eighteenth birthday party?”

“It won’t be the last!” Jamie says, patting Charlotte’s tummy and making the pregnant girl blush.

“Girl rays!” I giggle, also patting Charlotte’s tummy. “Do we know who’ll be at the party tonight?”

“ALL the Angels will be there,” Charlotte says proudly. “So will Rebecca, Adeola, those boys who aren’t on babysitting duty…”

“Did- did you hear from Dannii?” I ask quietly. Charlotte simply shakes her head.

“Sarah specifically asked us not to invite her,” Jamie says quietly. “We’ve not heard back from any of your other friends either. On the plus side, at least there won’t be any TV cameras present…”

“Heh, Sarah would probably prefer it if there were,” I laugh, following the two women into Charlotte’s vast ball room to help the women set up for the party. The party is going to have a ‘fashion’ theme, though Sarah doesn’t know this yet- as far as she’s concerned it’ll just be a girls night with the Angels. What she also doesn’t know is that over the past few months, the Angels have been buying outfits from Sarah’s web store and will be wearing them at tonight’s party- and from what the girls are telling me, they may well invest some more money in Sarah’s clothes! I myself will be wearing the lilac strapless bodysuit and skirt Sarah made for me last year- though I feel a twinge of sadness as I stretch the clingy garment on over my tights and pull a petticoat on underneath my skirt. This is the same dress I wore during the first photoshoot of the ‘New Angels’- none of whom will be around today to see me wear it today.

“Wowzers!” Charlotte says as she sees me in the gorgeous creation. “Lucky you, having a girlfriend who makes you beautiful dresses for fun…”

“Lucky you, getting to wear beautiful clothes all day AND get paid for it!” I tease back, making the 23 year old woman giggle happily. “Speaking of which, we’re all set up and ready for the party, I’ve got my make-up on, Sarah’s going to be here in less than an hour, and you’re not dressed yet?”

“I’m planning on being fashionably late,” Charlotte protests.

“To an event at your own house?” I retort.

“What could be more fashionable than that?” Charlotte giggles. Despite her teasing, however, Charlotte is present in her original Sarah creation, as are all the Angels, when Sarah arrives just over ninety minutes later.

“What- this-“ Sarah stammers as she’s confronted with nine of her most memorable creations.

“Happy birthday- again- babe,” I say, wrapping my arms around Sarah’s neck and giving her a long, deep kiss.

“These are all my dresses!” Sarah exclaims, excitedly darting between the other nine women (myself included), examining the beautiful dresses we’re wearing. “Nikki, have you raided my stock room again?”

“No, nothing like that,” Hannah giggles. “Haven’t you noticed any payments from any STRANGE PayPal accounts lately?”

“I don’t think anything of it,” Sarah says. “Now that I come to think of it, there HAVE been a few shipments to PO boxes recently…”

"And was this GORGEOUS dress," Hannah asks, showing off her dress, a short, strapless garment in dark plum, "one of those shipments?"

"...Yes," Sarah says, blushing beautifully. "As were all the others. With one obvious exception, of course!" Sarah gives me another kiss and giggles as she plays with the fabric of my skirt.

"We've got your dress all ready and waiting for you upstairs," Charlotte says commandingly. "Let's get you ready!"

"What do you mean?" Sarah asks, taking off her coat to reveal her comparatively plain blue dress. "What's wrong with this one?"

"You'll see when we get upstairs," I say, taking Sarah's hand and skipping upstairs, closely followed by our host. When we arrive in Charlotte's bedroom, I open the closet door, and Sarah's jaw drops even further.

"Oh my god," Sarah gasps as I hold out the dress for her to examine. "Wh-where did you get this?"

"The fabric I got from your usual supplier," I say smugly. "The thread from a local shop, and the design from the head of one Miss Nicola Thomas!"

"It-it's beautiful," Sarah says. "You really made this all by yourself?"

"After about four or five attempts," I confess. "AND it took me nearly three months... Fortunately, you, Jamie and Charlotte are all pretty much the same size-"

"For now, anyway!" Charlotte giggles, interrupting me and pointing at her abdomen.

"-So I was able to fit it exactly," I continue. "Do you like it?"

"I LOVE it," Sarah says, eagerly stripping out of her blue dress and pulling the garment on. The new dress has a square neck and a fitted bodice that hugs Sarah's womanly curves tightly, and a knee-length flared skirt that swishes around Sarah's legs with every step she takes. It's in a dark, shiny grey colour and has a matching wide belt that Sarah eagerly fastens around her waist.

"Now," Charlotte says, draping a bib over Sarah's new dress, "we have to make sure your make-up matches your dress, right?"

"Oh my god," Sarah gasps. "I can't believe I'm going to be made up by Charlotte Hutchinson!"

"AND me," I say, recoating Sarah's fingernails with a shiny silver polish to match her dress. "This whole party was actually Charlotte's idea, I mentioned I was making you the dress, she's actually anonymously bought from your shop before, it just made sense."

"And my ego was nicely stroked when Nikki mentioned how much of a fan of me you were when you were younger," Charlotte explains. "And to be honest... I'm kinda a little jealous of how close Jamie and Nikki are, I always wanted a younger sister, someone who I could share fashion tips with..."

"Someone who you could make up for a party?" Sarah asks, making Charlotte giggle happily.

"I mean yes, I CAN do this for my daughter after she's born," Charlotte says, "but I want a little sister NOW."

"You do know that I'm eighteen, right?" Sarah asks. "Not exactly 'little' anymore?"

"Perfect," Charlotte says. "Someone I can go on girls’ nights with too!" The three of us giggle as we finish preparing Sarah for her party.

"Ladies and gentlemen," Charlotte announces proudly to the amassed crowd in her ballroom, "presenting 2014's newest debutante, Miss Sarah J Phillips!" The crowd applaud and gasp with awe as the transformed Sarah sweeps into the room in her dress, showing it off to the crowd. Before too long, Jamie's boyfriend has set up an expensive-looking camcorder and is filming all ten of us as we have a mock 'fashion show', showing off Sarah's creations. Charlotte goes first in her spaghetti-strapped knee-length red dress, followed by Jamie in her sparkling blue ankle-length dress, which is split so high it kinda gives away the fact that she's not wearing any underwear. Krystie is next, in a light pink maxi dress that swishes around her infinitely long legs with every step, followed by Mary in a long-sleeved, short-skirted emerald green dress that hugs her motherly curves.

As I stare as Krystie and Mary having fun on the catwalk, though, I can't help but be reminded of Dannii and Lauren. Dannii, like Krystie, is tall and skinny, whilst Lauren is shorter and curvier like Mary. As much as I like Krystie and Mary- no, as much as I LOVE them being my friends- it really should be Dannii and Lauren- and Katie- on the catwalk instead of them.

Hannah is next on the catwalk in her tiny, leg-baring dress, followed by Viks in a slinky black dress that, when paired with her dark tights and bicep-length black gloves, provides a beautiful contrast to her pale skin. Becca is next, in a strapless sunshine yellow dress, followed by Adeola- who's also only eighteen herself- in a long gold dress that goes perfectly with her dark skin. I'm up next, earning cheers from the women and wolf whistles from the men, before Sarah takes to the catwalk, staying up there for ages soaking up the adulation of our new friends. After all ten of us pose for a few group pictures, the men present help to dismantle the catwalk whilst I crash on one of the sofas with Sarah, Charlotte and Jamie.

"Seriously, I can't even BEGIN to thank you for this," Sarah babbles, still hyper from her time as a model. "I mean, if I'd known even a year ago that I'd be spending part of my eighteenth birthday at a party organised by Charlotte Hutchinson, I'd-"

"Sarah!" Charlotte interrupts, giggling excitedly. "You're my friend! Both of you are! Yeah, so you're not 'Angels', but I don't value friends based on whether or not they have a Wikipedia page. AND you've done so much for me these past two months since my break up from Keith, you've always been there for me... I sincerely hope that we always remain friends."

"I hope so too," Sarah says happily. "And trust me, you've done more for us than we have for you..."

"You still miss your college friends?" Jamie asks, making Sarah and I both nod sadly.

"Oh yes, the 'New Angels'," Charlotte says with a sad laugh. "We actually invited your business partner- Lauren, right? We actually invited her, but she declined her invitation."

"Probably doesn't want to offend Dannii," I muse, earning a stern stare from Sarah. "Or, um, or Katie."

"If I could turn back time and invite them along when we invited you two for that girls night, I would," Charlotte sighs. "One thing I've had to learn the hard way is that you can never have too many friends."

"Wouldn't thirteen girls be a little cramped, though?" I ask, making Charlotte roll her eyes.

"For my living room, yes," Charlotte replies. "But I don't use this huge room nearly as much as I should. AND it has a bar, behind which I do believe there's a bottle of champagne..."

"Stu!" Jamie calls with a smug grin on her face. "Riley! Mikey! Crack open the good stuff!"

"Are you sure you should be drinking in your 'condition'?" I ask our host, who simply rolls her eyes and giggles again.

"One glass won't kill the baby," Charlotte says. "And as you're underage, if I don't get any, YOU don't get any either!"

"Touche," I grin as one of the Angels' partners hands me a glass full of the sparkling drink. "To Sarah: The most beautiful woman in the world."

"To Sarah!" Jamie and Charlotte toast, clinking our glasses together.

The party disperses shortly after 10:30pm- Mary has to get home to her baby and several of the others (myself included) have to work tomorrow even despite it being a Saturday. Sarah and I spend the night at my house- Sarah refusing to remove the beautiful (and expensive) make-up Charlotte covered her face with, meaning my pillowcases are pretty heavily stained when I wake up the following morning at 8am! After I don my trademark blouse, pencil mini, translucent tights and heels, I bid farewell to Sarah with long, slow kiss before heading downstairs, where Jamie is all ready and waiting for me in her fancy car.

"Hey Nikki!" Jamie says as I slide onto the passenger seat of her Alfa Romeo. "Great party last night, I take it Sarah's still in bed?"

"Yeah," I say with a smile. "Don't think she's too hungover- that's not the most EITHER of us have drank, not by a long way. She was really, really grateful for what you and Charlotte did for her. For both of us, really."

"What Charlotte said goes double for me," Jamie says. "I hardly had any friends whilst growing up, so the more I make now, the happier I am!"

"I only really had Sarah as a friend whilst I was at school," I say. "Of course, back then, I wasn't the 'real me'. I was so happy when I made friends on my first day of college..."

"What Charlotte said about THAT also goes double for me," Jamie says sadly. "You know I was on your side with that... I should've argued harder to have Katie, Lauren and Dannii at that girls night."

"Well, no sense worrying about it now," I sigh.

"That's a very mature attitude for a seventeen year old!" Jamie teases. "And don't give up on old friends, even if you're not talking that much anymore. You never know what the future holds..."

After a morning of waiting on Jamie hand and foot whilst she's interviewed for a radio programme, I'm dropped back at my house, happy that I can finally start my weekend.

"Before I go," Jamie says, "I know you're expecting to be free on Monday after ballet but I might have something I need you for, so keep the day free, okay?"

"Sure, as long as I get to put whatever it is on my timesheet!" I say, making Jamie giggle.

"Just- keep it free, okay?" Jamie laughs as she drives away. Immediately as I enter my house, I'm assaulted by the sound of sewing machines running at full pelt, which brings a smile to my face- if there's more than one sewing machine going, that means that Lauren's here, and sure enough, as I enter my kitchen, the short, dark-haired girl is sat next to Sarah, concentrating hard on her latest masterpiece.

"Hi Lauren," I say, before sitting down next to the still fully made-up Sarah and giving her a long kiss. "Hey babe, what you working on?"

"You tell me, since you're such an expert on making dresses now!" Sarah teases, making me give her another kiss.

"I had a look at that dress," Lauren says. "It's actually really good, though the stitching's a little off in places."

"Thanks," I say with a proud smile. "High praise coming from an expert like you! We missed you at the party last night..."

"Yeah," Lauren sighs. "Dannii was having a girls night in at her place so I thought I should go to that instead." I wince a little at the clear accusatory tone of Lauren's voice- though her point is more than valid.

"Did you have fun?" I ask, trying to lighten the mood.

"It was okay," Lauren replies. "I think Dannii's getting pissed off with me for spending so much time with you guys, though."

"Well surely that's her problem?" I say, wincing yet more under Lauren's withering gaze.

"She's been my best friend for six years," Lauren says. "I'd prefer it if it stayed that way."

"Fair enough," I sigh. "Want anything to drink?"

"Diet coke, please," Sarah says as she carefully cuts a length of expensive-looking blue fabric.

"No thanks," Lauren says. "So, can I expect to see any photos from last night? You guys didn't put anything on Instagram..."

"I think Jamie uploaded some snaps," I say. "I know for a fact at least one more of the Angels did."

"Yeah, well I don't obsess over their media profiles anymore," Lauren says coldly.

"They're our friends," Sarah argues. "We're hardly 'obsessed'."

"Me, Dannii and Katie were your friends too," Lauren says. "Have you checked any of our Instagrams yet today?"

"What are we doing for lunch?" I ask loudly, futilely hoping to change the topic of conversation. For the next few hours until she leaves, Lauren makes sure the air in the house is as awkward as possible with talk of Katie, Dannii and the Angels. Uniquely for a teenaged girl, I'm actually glad when mum and dad return from an antenatal session- which Lauren takes as a cue to leave.

"God," I sigh as I collapse on the sofa with Sarah. "Is it ALWAYS like that with you two?"

"Don't take this the wrong way babe," Sarah says carefully. "But it's kinda worse when you're here. I dunno, maybe Dannii and Katie blame you more than me, it's hard to tell."

"Either way, it SUCKS," I sigh, before turning my attention to my parents. "Decided on a name yet?"

"For the two thousandth time, not yet!" Mum laughs, rubbing her swollen belly. "Though we HAVE decided on her godmother!"

"Oh, cool!" Sarah beams, instantly perking up. "Is it anyone I know?"

"You could say that," dad says with a proud grin. "I mean, you DO know yourself, right?" Both Sarah and I gasp with surprise as dad drops the unexpected bombshell.

"I- Muh- me?" Sarah asks, tears forming in her eyes. "Muh-me? You want me to be godmother?"

"We figured that since you were one of the most positive things in our first daughter's life," mum explains, "you could be one of the most positive things in our second daughter's life as well!"

"Oh my god!" Sarah bawls, crying openly and giving both of my parents bug hugs. "This is such an honour! Thank you both so much!"

"Whilst we're on the topic," dad says, releasing himself from Sarah's hug, "Sarah, what's your full name again?"

"Including middle names?" Sarah asks. "Sarah Jennifer Phillips, why?"

"What do you think about Jennifer as a name?" Dad asks mum, who nods, before smiling warmly at Sarah.

"No," Sarah says, her tears restarting. "No, this is too much!"

"We've struggled for months to think of a name," mum says. "If we didn't like the name, we wouldn't have chosen it! But I like it, Jennifer Cassandra Thomas... Has a nice ring to it!"

"This is so amazing," Sarah blubs, sitting down next to me and snuggling into my embrace. "Never mind all my other gifts, THIS is the best birthday present I've ever had!"

"Glad you approve," dad says with a grin. "As far as we're concerned, you're part of our family. Little Jenny's not going to be our second daughter so much as our THIRD."

"Thank you, both of you so much," Sarah says happily. "God knows you're much more of a dad than my so-called REAL dad is anyway."

"I would say you're as much a daughter as our real daughter, but that might sound a bit heartless given that our real daughter IS in the room..." Dad jokes, laughing as I hurl a cushion at him.

"'Real' daughter who isn't even a 'real' girl," I laugh, prompting a snort of derision from dad.

"You ARE a real girl," dad says. "How long have you been taking oestrogen, eighteen months? Frankly, I've forgotten what it was like to ever have a son." This time, it's my turn to tear up.

"Oh my god," I whisper.

"And to think," Sarah says, cuddling me close. "You were actually afraid to tell your parents about who you REALLY are..." I smile happily as I return Sarah's cuddle, and we stay on the sofa for the rest of the day. I don't even bother changing out of my work skirt- I don't want to do anything to disrupt the feelings of comfort and happiness I feel at that exact moment. As Sarah and I head to bed, my lover has a devilish grin on her face- and when we're both stripped and under the covers, it becomes apparent why...

I wake up on Sunday morning with a tingle in my body and a soreness in some of my tender areas, a 'good' soreness I'm reluctant to wash away. Once both Sarah and I are showered and dressed in very plain patterned knee-length dresses and black tights, we head down to the living room, all ready for a lazy day.

"Sooo," Sarah teases, stealthily stroking my thigh underneath my dress, "last night... Shall we be doing that again?"

"HELL yes," I giggle, giving Sarah a quick kiss. "I love you a little more every day... Speaking of 'day', what do you want to do today?"

"Right now?" Sarah asks. "I want to go straight back to bed..."

"Maybe tonight," I giggle as we collapse together on the sofa.

"In all seriousness, I've got work to catch up on," Sarah moans. "As cool as it was to have the Angels buy my stuff, it HAS cleared the store out a little..."

"Yeah, but you got oodles of money from that, right?" I ask.

"True," Sarah laughs. "Heh, guess I have to worry about taxes now as well as restocking the store... Better get my sewing machine ready, I guess."

"As long as it's just you and not Lauren 'Buzz Killington' as well," I sigh.

"Ugh," Sarah moans. "AND I kinda want to go and see Karl and Kerrie too at some point before Christmas..."

"Well you're an adult now," I tease, giving Sarah a playful squeeze. "Surely that means you can do whatever you want?"

"Heh, if only..." Sarah sighs. Sure enough, we spend the rest of the day at home, Sarah alternating between coursework and her latest masterpiece for her web store- though she does take some time out to work on a special dress for the baby girl who will soon be her goddaughter! Even though we haven't gone anywhere all day, we're still tired when we climb into bed at 10pm- though not too tired to get immediately to sleep, as Sarah proves when she drags us both under the covers...

I wake up on the Monday morning with the same tingle in my body as I had the previous day, and I can tell by the smile on Sarah's slumbering face that she feels the exact same way. After we shower and apply a full face of make-up, we excitedly reach into our closet and pull out our dance gear. Monday mornings have long since been the time of the Angels' traditional ballet lesson, and as Sarah and I are now fully-fledged advanced students- with pointe shoes and everything- we've been invited to join in, an invitation we were both happy to accept. Yes, I know I'll be the worst dancer there, as I am in the 'proper' advanced class, but at least there, I know I'll be with nine girls who are all my friends.

...And sure enough, when Sarah and I arrive, we're greeted with excited hugs from all the other girls. After we strip off our warm sweater dresses so that we're clad in only our leotards, our tights and our pointe shoes, Krystie gets the lesson started. Normally we wouldn't start in pointe shoes, but Sarah can only stick around for half an hour before having to head for college, so Krystie has shifted the timetable so that Sarah can join in the 'fun' of the pointe work. With all of my employers present at the lesson, though, I of course can stay for the whole morning, something my toes don't thank me for once the other girls disperse just after 10:30am.

"You looked SO good out there!" Krystie gushes as I remove my pointe shoes and pull my sweater dress and boots back on.

"Thanks, but I still feel so... Lumbering," I sigh. "I'll NEVER be as good as you or the other girls..."

"You've only been en pointe for a week," Krystie says. "And yes, we were only doing basic stuff, but you were keeping up well with the other girls. Don't forget, Jamie's not been dancing for much longer than you have..."

"Yeah, I guess," I sigh, before heading over to my 'mentor'. "Hey Jamie!"

"Hey Nikki!" Jamie says, giving me a quick hug before pulling her own knee-length sweater dress back on. "You looked great out there, a real natural en pointe."

"I FELT like an elephant," I sigh. "I guess you must know what it's like to feel like you're sticking out like a sore thumb..."

"Honestly, you don't stick out!" Jamie says, placing a comforting hand on my arm. "You're not even the tallest girl in here, and you're no larger than any of the others... You'll GET pointe, trust me."

"If you say so," I giggle. "Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk to you about- do you still need me today?"

"Ohh yes," Jamie says, a wide grin creeping over her face. "I'm about 80% certain I will, anyway- can you get to the main office for 3:30pm?"

"Um, sure," I say. "Got nothing else planned for today!"

"Good," Jamie says. "Wear something office-appropriate. Sarah too." This catches me by surprise, and I stammer as I follow Jamie out to her car.

"Wait, what?" I ask. "Why would Sarah need to come along?"

"You'll see," Jamie says smugly. "Need a lift?"

"Please," I say, getting in Jamie's car. "Exactly what do you have planned?"

"You'll see," Jamie teases. All throughout the ride home, my attempts to probe her for information are thwarted, and even as I'm changing into my sleekest black skirt suit and my highest-heeled stilettos, I'm racking my brain over why Jamie would need to see both myself AND Sarah at the office...

When I arrive at the office, I'm unsurprised to see Sarah's Mini already there, but what I AM surprised by is that when I enter the reception area, she's not alone.

"Oh, hey Lauren," I say with surprise.

"Hey Nikki," Lauren says. "Any idea what we're doing here?"

"Umm, Jamie just said to meet her here," I say as I give Sarah a quick kiss.

"Yeah, got to admit, it was a bit of a surprise to get a phone call out of the blue from a national celebrity," Lauren muses.

"Even when said national celebrity is technically a friend of a friend?" I ask, making Lauren chuckle quietly. I open my mouth to speak again, only to be interrupted by an unexpected voice.

"You!?" Katie's distinctive London accent calls across the reception area. Looking around, I not only see Katie stood in the reception in her expensive suit, but Dannii as well, whose piercing glare is making me feel VERY uncomfortable. The two angry girls approach me, clearly to resume our argument from three months ago, when we're interrupted by yet another voice, this time from the stairs leading to one of the side offices.

"Girls," Jamie says with an air of smugness. "I see you're all here. Can you come on up, please?" The five of us all stand and climb the stairs to the office in silence. Once inside, we sit down in a very specific order- Katie and Dannii on one side of Lauren, myself and Sarah on the other.

"Good afternoon, ladies," the rich London accent of Jonathan- Joshua Benedict's nephew and a manager of his business- addresses us from across his desk. "Thank you all for agreeing to this meeting on such short notice." Jonathan pauses whilst Jamie and Viks- his partner- sit down next to him.

"I'm going to cut right to the chase," Jonathan says. "My company wants to market the five of you as a 'group', and I've been authorised to offer all of you professional representation by Joshua Benedict Talent." My jaw drops at this news, and looking around, I can see mine isn't the only one.

"I'm- I'm sorry?" Katie asks.

"For a while now," Jonathan continues, "my uncle has wanted to expand his company, especially to other markets, particularly younger consumers who might not be as familiar with the Angels. Nikki's exposure from Jeremy Kyle and in Teen Globe Magazine has opened doors, doors my uncle wants to step through."

"Um, I'm not a model though," Lauren says, clearly unsure about the offer.

"I'm not either," Sarah says. "I don't WANT to be a model either, I mean, I'm going to university in September, I want to make clothes..."

"Trust me, I know where you're coming from," Viks says.

"If Joshua wanted to slap five or six models together and call them a super group, he could have done that in the time it takes to make a phone call," Jamie explains. "Part of the reason the Angels have gone over so well is because we were all friends beforehand. That's a winning formula Joshua doesn't want to mess with."

"We're NOT friends, though," Dannii says, staring in my direction with eyes whose anger is noticeably fading with every second.

"But you WERE," Jamie argues. "You were BEST friends. A friendship like that is rare and special. Yes, sometimes you fall out- believe me, I know that better than anyone. I know the reason why you fell out- and believe me, I am truly sorry if I drove a wedge between the five of you. We ALL are."

"You're not the ones who should be apologising," Katie says, looking pointedly at myself and Sarah.

"If I could turn back time, I'd do things differently," I say, my voice wobbling under Katie and Dannii's withering stares. "I am really, really sorry for everything I said and did."

"As am I," Sarah says, grabbing my hand for support. "I apologise sincerely to all of you."

"Apology accepted," Dannii mumbles, staring sadly at our linked hands.

"Same here," Katie says. "Still doesn't change the fact that I'm not a model, I'm a photographer..."

"Firstly: yes, you ARE a model," Jamie laughs. "I've seen yours and Nikki's portfolios, you're both extremely professional. And second: Jonathan said he wanted to market you as a group, not as 'five models'."

"Don't forget that Mary and Jamie are both at uni themselves," Viks giggles. "Hell, Mary's juggling her Angels career, her studies AND a new-born baby."

"And it's not like we're asking you to go out doing promotional tours every weekend," Jonathan explains. "Everything we'll ask you to do will fit around your studies, or in Nikki's case, your work."

"Assuming you're still happy being our PA now that you're going to be rich and famous," Viks jokes, making her boyfriend chuckle and shake his head.

"It'll be low-key stuff first," Jonathan continues. "A few magazine shoots here, a couple of websites there, no TV work, not at first, not until we've 'tested the waters'. It WILL make you decent money eventually though, I can promise you that."

"What if all five of us are unavailable?" Viks asks.

"How often do you know all six of us to be in the same place at the same time?" Jamie jokes. "Apart from parties, of course!"

"I'm going to give you time to think about it," Jonathan says. "You'll also need your parents' permission to sign, of course, but we really do think we could make good money together."

"God, I dunno if my mum would go for it," Sarah sighs.

"Umm, she was okay with you modelling dresses for your website," I remind my girlfriend. "Also, you don't NEED your mum's permission any more..." Sarah gasps in shock as the other four of us giggle at her mistake.

"God," Sarah chuckles. "Spend my whole life waiting to turn eighteen, then I forget when I HAVE turned eighteen..." As the five of us laugh in the office, it's just like old times, before we fell out. I stare briefly at my 'mentor', who has a proud smile on her face- this was clearly her idea, her 'gift' to me and Sarah. Whilst the others may need time to think about it, my mind is made up immediately. I LOVE being a model, I LOVE being friends with these girls, and I LOVE being one of the girls.

"I'm in," I state confidently, widening Jamie's smile.

"Then so am I!" Sarah grins. Her grins fades, however, as we stare at the other three girls, who aren't quite as eager- and whom I'm afraid of offending yet again with my eagerness to be part of this 'other' group.

"It won't affect my studies?" Lauren asks.

"Not in any way," Jonathan says. "In fact, as part of the contract, we're happy to pay part of your tuition fees."

"How big a part?" Katie asks.

"Depends on how successful the group is," Jonathan replies. "We'll start at 25%, that's a figure that can only go up."

"Then I'm in," Katie says, smiling at me and Sarah for the first time in months.

"Me too," Lauren says warmly. "That just leaves you, Dannii..." The four of us all look at Dannii- the only one of us already signed to the company- who has been uncharacteristically quiet all meeting. It's painfully obvious that she's still uncomfortable being around myself and Sarah, and a quick glance back at my girlfriend gives away that she'd be quite happy if Dannii stepped away from the group forever. I breathe an inward sigh of relief, however, when a grin creeps across Dannii's face.

"New Angels for the win!" Dannii says, making all five of us cheer happily.

"Okay," Jonathan says with a chuckle. "Well obviously, we can't call you the 'New Angels', that'd imply that the 'original' Angels are being replace, which obviously ain't the case! How does 'Teen Angels' sound?" All five of smile at each other and nod our heads.

"Teen Angels for the win!" All five of us yell excitedly.

Less than an hour later, the eight of us- the 'Teen Angels', Jonathan, Viks and Jamie- are sat around a table in a local coffee shop, talking about our exciting future together.

"This is gonna be so cool!" Katie squeaks excitedly.

"Somebody needs to lay off the espresso," Lauren giggles happily. "I am SO glad the five of us are friends again. I will admit, a part of me was dreading college that first day- which is why I brought Dannii along- but meeting you three..."

"I know the feeling," I say happily. "I do kinda miss going to college with you guys..."

"You SHOULD have asked me for help if you were having that much trouble," Katie says softly.

"I know, I know," I sigh. "My own stupid pride... Maybe I should ask to have my oestrogen dosage upped, heh."

"I'll try not to take that personally," Jonathan jokes, earning a quick hug from his girlfriend.

"Most importantly," Dannii says, immediately commanding the attention of the table, "how are we going to celebrate becoming the official Teen Angels?"

"With a party, of course!" Katie giggles. I see Jamie start to open her mouth to speak, but she closes it before she says a word. I quickly suss out what she was about to say.

"Where should we hold it?" I ask. "Somewhere large enough for all of us, plus any guests we want to invite..." I look expectantly over at Jamie, who rolls her eyes and chuckles.

"Oh no," Jamie laughs. "I was partly to blame for you five fighting in the first place..."

"So..." Dannii teases. "Are you telling me we're NOT welcome at an Angel party AGAIN?"

"You'll be welcome at Angels parties from now until the end of time, I promise," Jamie giggles. "Right, Viks?"

"Yeah," Viks laughs. "AND nights out, when you're old enough!"

"It's just..." Jamie continues. "This party should be about YOU guys, not us."

"Then how about tomorrow night, my place?" Dannii asks smugly. "All Angels are also welcome to attend, of course..."

"I'll be there," Jamie says happily. "Pretty sure I can persuade most of the others to show up too, right Viks?"

"We'll be there," Viks giggles, cuddling Jonathan's arm.

After finishing our coffees, Sarah heads back to her home with Jonathan, whilst Jamie gives me a lift back to my house to change.

"Thank you so much for this," I sigh happily.

"Don't give me all the credit," Jamie says. "What Jonathan said was true: Joshua HAS been looking for other potential Angels groups, so don't expect to be the only ones. Also, expect to be compared to me a LOT, for obvious reasons..."

"I dunno," I say with a warm smile, "I'd take it as a compliment, being compared to you!"

"Aww!" Jamie coos. "I chose the right protégé!"

"I chose the right 'fairy godmother'!" I joke, making us both laugh hysterically.

After arriving home, and telling my parents about my new role (and listening to their inevitable concerns), I spend the rest of the night on Facebook chatting with the rest of the 'Teen Angels'. Dannii and Katie were both quick to re-add myself and Sarah, and whilst it's clear that we have been forgiven, it's going to take a while for us to truly be friends again.

...Something that's driven home when I arrive back at the studio the following day for our 'interview shoot'. Even though we were offered contracts rather than applied for them, the agency still has certain traditions to uphold, and the 'interview photoshoot' as conducted by one of the agency's photographers is one of them. Sarah and Lauren both have classes at college, and as Dannii's already signed to the agency, she doesn't need an interview shoot, meaning that for the first time since I left college, I'll be working alone with Katie.

"Hey Nikki," the stoic girl says as she enters the changing room and immediately starts stripping off.

"Hey Katie," I say as I exchange my plain knee-length denim skirt and turtleneck sweater for the black cocktail dress provided by the studio. "Looking forward to the party tonight?"

"Yeah," Katie says with a smile. "It'll be cool to actually be able to attend an Angel party."

"Yeah, they're pretty fun," I reply, leading to an awkward silence. "Katie... Are we okay?"

"Sure," Katie says with a smile.

"It's just... It doesn't feel like it," I say. "I mean, yes, we've got everything out in the open, I just- I just remember on the first day of college-"

"We're okay, okay?" Katie says with a forced-looking smile. "I mean, you've got me signed to Joshua Benedict, haven't you?" I giggle and nod- if I can't be friendly with Katie, at least for now, I can at least be civil, professional. God knows, that's an improvement on the last few months...

"AND I've got you into the Angels' Monday morning ballet lessons," I say with a cheeky grin. "You, Dannii and Lauren, if they want..."

"Oh my god!" Katie gasps. "Seriously?"

"Well, it wasn't 'me' as much as 'me, Jamie and Viks', but it was an easy sell," I say smugly, pulling on the studio's stilettos and retouching my make-up. "Krystie was actually really disappointed when you and Dannii left her class..." I wince a little inside as, ironically, I feel guilty for attempting to guilt-trip Katie.

"Yeah, well, it'd just have been awkward," Katie sighs. "Have you and Sarah got your pointes yet?"

"Last week," I say smugly, making Katie giggle and give me a quick, awkward hug.

"That's so cool!" Katie enthuses as she pulls on her own stiletto heels. "How are you finding it?"

"Hard going," I sigh. "Probably because it's still new for me and I'm WAY behind all the other students in terms of experience..."

"This time," Katie says firmly, "if you're struggling..."

"I WILL ask my friends for help," I sigh, earning another, slightly less awkward hug from Katie.

"Now come on," the mousy-haired girl says. "Our cameras await!"

After a full half-hour spent posing for and flirting with the camera- a task made easy by Paul, the photographer- I change back into my day clothes and get a lift home from Katie, who bids me farewell with one more hug, devoid of the awkwardness of the early morning and instead full of the loving friendship I'd come to depend on over the last school year. After a quick lunch and dinner, I head to my bedroom to change for the party. Dannii didn’t specify a theme, but I can't simply show up in a slouchy jean skirt, so I change into a two-tone dress that, for once, isn't one of Sarah or Lauren's creations. The skirt is black, around mid-thigh and clingy around my backside (so I keep my black tights on), whilst the top half is dark purple, has long sleeves and a mesh top that just shows off a hint of cleavage. After retouching my make-up yet again and repainting my fingernails a glossy black colour, I pull on my favourite pair of stilettos, grab my handbag and head downstairs to where Sarah has just pulled up in her Mini.

"Hey beautiful," I say, greeting my girlfriend with a long, slow kiss.

"Hey sexy," Sarah whispers- though in her own (handmade, obviously) swishy black dress, she certainly fills all the requirements for 'sexy' herself!

"Do we have to go to Dannii's party?" Sarah moans as we head out to her car.

"It'll just be for tonight," I say. "I'm sure before too long, all the parties will be at Charlotte's mansion."

"Assuming her baby won't mind, of course..." Sarah sighs. When we arrive at Dannii's house, the party is already in full swing- Katie and Lauren are already present, as are Jamie and Viks and their boyfriends, as promised, and Krystie's also shown up with her new boyfriend.

"Hey Snikki!" Dannii squeaks as we enter the pulsing living room. "Soo... When do we see the photos from your interview shoot?"

"Same time you see mine," Sarah says with an obvious forced smile.

"Ooh yes," Dannii says, unfettered by Sarah's hostility. "You and Lauren are wearing your own dresses tomorrow, aren't you?"

"Something that CAN'T be said of my girlfriend," Sarah says, giving me a playful elbow in my ribs. "What've you got to drink?"

"Right over there on the table," Dannii gestures.

"Remember you're driving!" I shout after Sarah as she makes her way to the refreshments, before turning my attention back to Dannii. "I take it you've heard the good news from Krystie?"

"That me and Katie are being added to the Monday morning 'Angel ballet' lessons? I have indeed!" Dannii giggles. "Now I just need to persuade Lauren to break out her old pointe shoes so we can ALL go..." I giggle happily as Dannii becomes her old, ebullient self once again.

"I'm glad we're friends again," I say softly.

"I really, really missed hanging out with you," Dannii says, stealthily placing a hand on my hip, a hand I immediately remove.

"Friends," I say loud enough so that only Dannii can hear. "But I missed hanging out with you too... Lunch at the old college tomorrow?"

"Of course!" Dannii giggles happily. "Hey, does this mean that we're both now full-time models?"

"Umm, I'm pretty sure I'm still a full-time PA for the Angels," I say. "The whole 'Teen Angels' thing is going to take a while to get off the ground, and I do kinda need an income..."

"Hmm, well, it's not like I needed the competition anyway!" Dannii laughs, before flouncing away to fawn over her new boyfriend.

"What were you talking about?" Sarah asks, returning to me with our drinks.

"Oh, just, um, stuff," I stammer. Sarah is clearly unconvinced, but simply shrugs, before grabbing my hand and leading me to a nearby sofa, where we spend the rest of the night drinking and gossiping with friends new, old and new again. We eventually head home to Sarah's house just after 11pm, earning ourselves some stern stares from Beverly as we creep into the house- it IS a school night, after all, and whilst Sarah's still sober, I'm a bit the worse for wear- before we crash into our bed, too tired for anything other than cuddling each other to sleep.

"Hey, wake up," Sarah says, gently prodding my hungover body.

"Unngh," I moan. "Wh- what time is it?"

"Almost 8am!" Sarah laughs. "Good job the Angels have got all their Christmas filming out of the way so you're not needed by them today..."

"Yeah," I moan, rubbing my tired head. "Have fun at college, babe."

"Before I go, Nikki..." Sarah says with a sad twinge to her voice.

"What is it?" I ask.

"Dannii..." Sarah says, visibly holding back tears. "Promise me, please promise me that you and her..."

"YOU'RE the only girl I love," I whisper. "The only girl I'll EVER love."

"Thanks," Sarah says, though I can tell she's still tense. "Because, because if you, if we ever... I don't think I'd be able to live. I literally don't think I could stay alive..." Despite my pounding head and the cold room, I jump out of bed and tightly embrace Sarah, holding her body close to mine until I feel the last of the tension leave her shivering body.

"I love YOU," I whisper. "You, only you, only ever you."

"I love you too," Sarah whispers back, before leaving me with a kiss. I collapse back into bed, but only remain there for another half hour before getting up and showering. Beverly's already left for work, leaving me alone in the house. After checking my phone for messages, I reach into my underwear drawer to get dressed, but in my hungover state, I accidentally open Sarah's drawer instead. I giggle at my mistake and go to shut the drawer, when my eyes are drawn to a small box in the back of the drawer, partially hidden underneath a pile of tights. It's small and square, and covered in a velvety fabric. When I open the box, however, I get the shock of my life.

Inside the box is a beautiful shiny gold ring with a diamond set into the top. Along the inside of the ring is a faint inscription that reads 'Nicola Christine Thomas, my soulmate, my everything'. I start to hyperventilate as I carefully replace the ring box underneath Sarah's tights. I laugh hysterically, glad that the house is empty. After my panic attack subsides, I take stock of the situation. For years, I've literally dreamed of marrying Sarah, of becoming wife and wife... And yet here she is, in possession of an engagement ring with- literally- my name on it. She can't propose to me without my parents' permission- not until my eighteenth birthday anyway- but she wouldn't own a ring such as that unless she intended to use it.

As much as I might like, even fancy Dannii, there's no way I could ever dream of doing anything with her now that I know Sarah's love for me is as great, if not greater than my own. She wants to marry me, to be with me forever... Just as I do her. I won't tell her I found the ring, of course, but I make a note on my phone to visit a jewellers as soon as possible to buy one of my own. My job has left me with a lot of disposable income, and I can't think of any better way of spending it. If Sarah's waiting for my eighteenth birthday, then I will too.

My birthday's three months- to the day- away, but now that I know what Sarah's planning, it may as well be three centuries. What I do know, however, is that on that day, regardless of what the law, Sarah's father and stepmother or Dannii think or say, I will be the happiest woman who ever lived.

“I shall see you on Tuesday!” Hannah giggles as she drops me off outside my former college. “Give my love to the rest of the ‘Teen Angels’. Oh- and enjoy your long, loooong weekend!”

“Will do!” I laugh, straightening my short skirt and opaque black tights as I step out of the car and stride into the dining hall of the large building. I breathe a sigh of relief that my work is over for another week- not that I don’t still enjoy it, of course, but it IS hard work, and I’m REALLY looking forward to three free days to spend with my friends… Especially Sarah.

“Hi Nikki!” Sarah squeaks, greeting me with a long kiss before we sit down hand-in-hand.

“Aww,” Katie coos. “Snikki reunited after a whopping five hours apart…”

“Five hours too long as far as I’m concerned,” I say, giving Sarah another long kiss.

“Hey girlies!” Dannii says as she and Lauren sit down at the table. “Sorry I’m late, ‘girl problems’ AGAIN…”

“Seriously, have you not seen anyone about that yet?” Katie asks, making the tall blonde girl sigh.

“I will, I promise,” Dannii moans. “Anyway, Nikki, how was today’s adventure with the SECOND most awesome modelling group in the UK?”

“I shouldn’t need to ask who the first most awesome is, should I?” I reply, making the entire table giggle excitedly.

“Teen Angels for the win!” The five of us all shout simultaneously, drawing confused stares from the nearby diners.

Though in truth, whilst we are the ‘Teen Angels’ in name, in practice… We’re barely any more famous than we were before we signed for Joshua Benedict (or ‘Heavenly Talent’ as he recently renamed his agency). This is, of course, largely due to Sarah, Katie and Lauren’s college work taking priority, as does my PA work for the ‘real’ Angels, but Dannii’s mentioned that her workload has barely increased, and the same can be said about her pay packet… And it’s not like we’re the only official ‘Angel sub-group’ either, with Joshua speaking of adding other groups to the ‘Angel umbrella’- he’s already holding auditions for a girl band, and has ideas to add ‘Angel groups’ from other professions, like nurses and flight attendants.

The biggest advantage of being the ‘Teen Angels’, however, is that the five of us are once again best of friends. Sure, there’s still tension between Sarah and Dannii- there probably always will be- but they can at least stand to be in the same room as each other, and can almost talk to each other as friends. Lauren has a near-permanent smile on her face from everyone being friends again, and the interest generated in the online store by Sarah’s birthday party has sent order rates through the roof, and it’s extremely rare that an item spends more than 2 hours on the store before being snapped up. This, of course, prompted Sarah and Lauren to hike up the price (and their work rate)- and demand still remained at ridiculous levels!

Probably the biggest change, however, has been to Katie. The girl who’d been most vocal about me ‘selling out’ to the Angels is now the one most determined to ingratiate herself with them. Ever since she turned 18 last month she’s tagged along on nights out with any of the Angels who’ll take her (or are too polite to say no) and rarely misses a girls night in with them. This has actually resulted in a cost to her personal life- her previously stellar college grades have slipped slightly, she split from her boyfriend of seven months shortly after turning 18 and she’s nowhere near as close to Dannii as she previously was, probably due to Dannii still being seventeen and clearly green with envy about Katie’s new social life. I can’t help but feel irritated by her sheer hypocrisy, the way she’s doing things she SAVAGED myself and Sarah for doing last year- but the fact remains that Sarah and I did do those things… And I can hardly begrudge Katie for wanting to ‘get a piece of the action’.

After the end of the lunch period, I give Sarah a quick kiss before jumping in a taxi and heading home. I make sure to exit the college using the opposite exit to the one Dannii uses, so as not to fuel Sarah’s lingering paranoia. Even though it’s been a year since my ‘mistake’, it’s clearly nowhere near enough time for Sarah to fully trust me again… Or to propose.

After I found the ring in Sarah’s dresser drawer, my mind’s been a blur. I always knew I’d end up spending the rest of my life with her, but with there now being physical proof, it’s made it a lot more real. I talked the matter over with Jamie- my mentor- at Christmas, and on her advice I bought a ring of my own, a gold ring with a diamond inset on topaz (Sarah’s birthstone), the inside of which is inscribed ‘Sarah Jennifer Phillips, my soulmate, the brightest star in my universe’. I carry the ring with me everywhere I go, but I know that as I’m still seventeen myself, I can’t propose to her, and she can’t propose to me without my parents’ permission. My eighteenth birthday is mere weeks away, but it still feels like forever…

And if my life wasn’t topsy-turvy enough, I get a reminder of the biggest change of all as I step through my front door. However, the sound of my baby sister laughing at the top of her lungs is one of the most welcome sounds of them all. Jennifer Cassandra Thomas was born at 11:34am on the 4th of January 2015, and has quickly become the most precious thing in my life- after Sarah, of course.

“Say hi to your big sister!” Mum says, gently rocking the giggling infant in her arms.

“Hi Jenny!” I coo, leaning down and giving the tiny girl a soft kiss on her forehead, making her giggle even more as she paws at my cascading brown hair.

“Keep your hair out of her face!” Mum chastises, making me blush as I tie my hair back into a lazy ponytail.

“Sorry,” I mutter, still smiling as Jenny keeps giggling in our mother’s arms. A couple of hours later, Sarah returns home, and after giving me a kiss, makes a beeline to the youngest girl in the room.

“Hi there, special goddaughter of mine!” Sarah coos, also giving the giggling baby girl a kiss on the forehead.

“What have you girls got planned for tonight?” Mum asks Sarah and I as we crash down on the sofa together.

“Not much,” Sarah sighs, snuggling into my cuddle. “Just finishing off a little coursework…”

“Just distracting Sarah from her coursework,” I giggle, making Sarah playfully whack me with a cushion!

“Don’t you dare,” mum playfully chastises me. “Sarah, have you heard back from your university applications yet?”

“Not yet,” Sarah sighs. “LCF always get a lot of applications and I know I’m not going to be at the top of the list, plus I don’t want to go to a different uni to Lauren, and she’s not heard back yet either…” I listen intently as Sarah expresses her worries about her future, but there is a twinge of envy as Sarah talks as I know I’ll never have the experience of going to university, studying hard for my degree, graduating… Sure, university isn’t for everyone, and I DO have a well-paid job that I enjoy… And it’s not like I’ve not been living my dream for the last 21 months, but Sarah is embarking on this brand-new adventure with Katie and Lauren, and I can’t help but feel left out… And the only person in whom I can confide is Dannii- someone I’m not even allowed to be alone with.

Sure enough, Sarah and I spend the rest of the evening alternating between watching TV and designing new clothes on her laptop, with me offering my highly unprofessional advice. We climb into bed just after 11pm, but are awoken just over an hour later by the repeated chiming of the new message alert on our phones.

“Ugh,” Sarah moans sleepily. “Who is THAT?”

“Katie,” I sigh, showing Sarah my phone screen, on which is a selfie taken by Katie of the mousey-haired girl in her tiny clubbing dress, surrounded by Jamie, Hannah, Krystie, Becca and Adeola, all of whom are dressed almost identically to (and are as heavily made up as) Katie.

“Meh, good for her,” Sarah shrugs before rolling back over.

“Yeah, I guess,” I say sadly as I switch my phone onto silent for the night.

“Oh- babe,” Sarah sighs, giving me a tight hug. “You’ll get there, I mean, you’re only 4 weeks away from your eighteenth, and Jamie promised to take us both out the first Friday afterward…”

“I know,” I sigh, before smiling and kissing Sarah on the lips. “Get some sleep, beautiful!” Sarah giggles and snuggles into my body, our tired forms quickly falling asleep…

“Do you, Nicola Christine Thomas,” the minister says to me, “take this woman, Sarah Jennifer Phillips, to be your lawful wedded wife?”

“I do,” I whisper, smoothing my pristine white wedding dress as I gaze deep into Sarah’s eyes.

“Great night out!” Katie screams in my ear over the noisy nightclub’s atmosphere. “Come on, let’s dance!” Sarah and I giggle as our wedding dresses transform into tiny black clubbing dresses and we find ourselves grinding the night away on the dancefloor…

I blink myself back to awakeness and sigh as the details of the dream start to fade from my memory.

“Never had THAT one before,” I mumble, before turning back over and falling straight back asleep.

I wake up again a few hours later to discover Sarah already up and dressed in the familiar blouse, skirt and tights of her Saturday job- and the frown on her face tells me that she’s NOT looking forward to it.

“Come on babe, come back to bed…” I moan, gently stroking Sarah’s nylon-covered thigh.

“Yes, as if I’ll get away with a sickie,” my lover sighs. “Saturday before Valentine’s is ALWAYS the busiest day at a perfume store, all the idiot men buying last minute presents for their girlfriends…”

“You make a ton of money from your store now,” I moan. “Surely you could get away with jacking this job in?”

“The store’s hardly stable income, though,” Sarah retorts. “AND I have to split it 50-50 with Lauren…”

“Lauren quit her Saturday job ages ago,” I say.

“Yeah,” Sarah says. “But Lauren doesn’t have a car and an extremely needy and sexy girlfriend to maintain!” I giggle as Sarah leans in to give me a kiss.

“Is that what I am now?” I ask. “’Maintenance’?”

“Just get back to sleep,” Sarah giggles. “I’ll see you at mine tonight. Love you!”

“Love you too!” I say after Sarah as she leaves the house. I lay my head back down and try to get back to sleep, but am unable to relax and eventually get up just under an hour later, dressing in a plain black long-sleeved bodysuit, black tights and denim shorts.

“Good morning, sleepy!” Dad teases as I head into the kitchen to make myself breakfast.

“Morning,” I mumble between mouthfuls of corn flakes. “What time will our lesson be?”

“Whenever you’re ready,” dad shrugs. I take a deep breath and finish my breakfast, before heading upstairs, putting on a light layer of make-up and my most comfortable pair of flats. Once I’ve left the house, dad hands me his car keys and ushers me into the driving seat, whilst he plops himself down on the passenger seat.

“Pull out when it’s safe,” dad says, and I start the car’s engine and slowly reverse it off the driveway, joining in the normal flow of traffic past our street when there’s an available gap.

“Stop being so nervous!” Dad admonishes me. “Relax your arms, your driving will be less jerky if your arms aren’t all stiff.”

“Okay,” I whisper, making an effort to relax my arms as dad says. “Obviously I’m going to be nervous during my test, though…”

“What do you mean, ‘obviously’?” Dad laughs. “If you think you’ll fail, then you’re guaranteed to fail. I went into my driving test determined that I was going to pass.”

“You failed your first test,” I remind my father, who laughs heartily.

“Doesn’t mean that you will on Monday!” Dad laughs, making me chuckle as I drive all around West London for two long hours before expertly parking dad’s car back on our driveway.

“I’d give you a driving licence,” dad chuckles, giving me a soft pat on the back as we head back inside.

“Yeah, if only you were my examiner,” I sigh as I collapse back down on my sofa, exhausted from the drive. Even after eleven months of driving experience, I still get tense every time I get behind the wheel of a car. Sarah, Katie and Lauren have all passed their tests (Dannii, unsurprisingly, is content to be chauffeured everywhere) and Sarah even has her own car which she’s driven as far as Milton Keynes by herself, but I get nervous about the thought of a drive to the nearest supermarket with someone else in the car. And I’ve got an exam- my mortal enemy- in two days’ time…

“Hello, future Formula 1 world champ!” Mum teases me as she comes down the stairs with a freshly-changed Jenny in her arms.

“More like ‘future Captain Slow if James May ever leaves Top Gear’,” dad jokes, making me stick my tongue out at him.

“I’m ‘careful’, not ‘slow’,” I retort. “More importantly, I grin, approaching my gurgling baby sister. “Is this little one ready for her first official girls night tonight?”

“One,” mum says firmly. “I’m going to be in the kitchen for the whole night. The first second she starts crying, you hand her back to me. Two, no make-up is to go anywhere near her face. Three, no nail polish is to go on her fingers or toes.”

“That’s fine, she’ll be applying make-up and nail polish herself in a few years, won’t you, Jenny?” I giggle in the face of my sister, who ‘baaaaah’s happily back at me.

“Four!” Mum continues. “No tickling her. Five, always support her head and neck when you’re holding her. Six, if she needs changing, you’re doing it. Seven, she goes to be AT seven. Eight… Just be careful with her, please?”

“Mum!” I laugh. “You’re leaving her in the care of five girls, not five BOYS! We will treat her like she’s the most precious thing in the world- which she of course is!” Mum laughs tiredly at my insistence, before slowly handing Jenny to me, sensing that I’m desperate to hold her, even if just for a little bit. When Sarah arrives home from work, she- after giving me a kiss, of course- immediately makes a beeline for Jenny and gives her a gentle, loving cuddle as well. Before long, Katie, Lauren and Dannii have all arrived, cooed and gushed over my baby sister, and settled down for an evening of girly gossip.

Normally, on a Saturday night, we’d be at Charlotte’s house with the ‘real’ Angels for their girls night in, but the five of us agreed early on that we should have one ‘girls night in’ a month that exclusively for us. This usually ends up being the first Saturday of each month- the ‘official’ reason being that we all enjoy it so much we don’t want to wait, but personally, I reckon we all just want to get it over and done with.

As we gossip- about work, college, boys, The Angels, our fledgling careers- it’s clear that all five of us would rather be somewhere else. Every mention of the Angels brings a wistful look to Katie’s freckled face. Even though she’s only been to two of their ‘girls nights in’, it’s obvious that she’d rather be there- with the ‘real’ celebrities- than here with the friends she so harshly criticised myself and Sarah for ‘abandoning’ last year. Every time I open my mouth to say something, Dannii gazes at me with an uncomfortable longing I’d thought- well, hoped- that she’d long since got over, and that makes Sarah stare at Dannii with a look of pure hatred in eyes that I’d hoped she’d also long since left behind. The only person who actually looks like she’s enjoying herself is Lauren, though I can tell even she feels uncomfortable with the atmosphere in the room.

Fortunately, every time Jenny makes even the tiniest noise, the hearts of everyone in the room melts and we forget all about our worries and our inter-personal issues.

“No offence Nikki,” Katie says as she cradles the infant in her arms, “but your sister may be even cuter than you are!” As Katie gently rocks Jenny in her arms, the other four of us all giggle, but I can tell from the look in Sarah’s eyes that she STRONGLY disapproves of Katie referring to me as ‘cute’.

“I want a cuddle!” Dannii pleads with Katie.

“Who from, me or Jenny?” Katie giggles, making Dannii stick her tongue out at her as she gently take Jenny into her arms.

“So cute!” Dannii squeaks at the giggling infant who paws at Dannii’s long blonde hair. “She’s going to be SO gorgeous when she’s older, she’s going to be a ballerina, a cheerleader, a supermodel…”

“No she isn’t!” Mum shouts from the kitchen, making us all laugh.

“Shall I cancel her sign-up at Krystie’s ballet class then?” I ask, making everyone giggle again.

“Don’t you dare!” Mum says, coming through to the living room and taking Jenny from Dannii’s arms. “It’s 7pm now- you know what that means. Wave bye-bye to your sister and her friends, Jenny!” I can’t help but girlishly giggle as mum makes Jenny’s arm wave at us.

“Bye-bye!” We all coo at the tiny girl as mum carries her upstairs to her cot.

“Aww, I wish I had a baby sister,” Dannii sighs. “Someone who I can do their hair, do their make-up, so all the great big sister things…”

“Shush, you’ll make Sarah jealous of Jenny!” Lauren teases my lover, who sticks her tongue out at the dark-haired girl.

“I’m not a jealous person,” Sarah retorts, making the girls giggle- though my giggle is very much forced. Sarah IS a jealous person, and her jealousy has only got worse since the reunion of the ‘Teen Angels’. Whilst she may be right to be somewhat suspicious of Dannii- hell, even I’M wary of her- Sarah’s shown jealous behaviour toward Katie, Lauren, and even toward Jamie- never mind the fact that she’s 6 years older than me, entirely heterosexual and in a long-term relationship of her own!

As the two of snuggle together in bed later that night- the other Teen Angels having long since returned to their homes- I can feel the tension running through Sarah’s body.

“Babe?” I ask. “Are- are you okay?”

“Mmm,” Sarah lazily moans. “I’m fine. I just- I- ugh, I don’t know, get some sleep, gorgeous.” Sarah rolls over and gives me a quick kiss on the lips, before rolling back over so her back’s to me. We’re both asleep fairly quickly, but are still slumbering when dad bangs on our door just before 9:30am, waking us both up.

“Come on,” dad shouts. “Up, showered, dressed- your grandparents will be here soon!” I moan into Sarah’s back as dad reminds me of what I have ahead of me today.

“Oh stop worrying,” Sarah sighs, unwrapping herself from my arms and padding to the shower. “You’re on good terms with your grandparents now, aren’t you? The Jeremy Kyle aftercare team worked their miracles, after all…”

“Yes, we’re on ‘speaking’ terms,” I reply. “Don’t know about ‘good’ terms…” After showering and dressing in a conservative knee-length, long-sleeved dress and black tights, Sarah and I head downstairs to the living room, collapsing together on the sofa just in time to her our doorbell ring.

“Hi mum! Hi dad!” My father says happily as he opens the front door.

“Hello, Chris!” Grandpa Steven says. “Where’s that beautiful granddaughter of mine?” I smile as my grandfather enters the living room, only for my smile to disappear as the old man walks straight past me without even glancing in my direction.

“Hello, Jenny!” Grandpa Steven coos as he picks the tiny infant out of my mother’s arms and gently cuddles her. “Aren’t you just a little treasure?”

“Hi grandpa, grandma!” I say, briefly drawing the elderly couple’s attention away from my sister.

“Hi Nikki,” Grandma Irene says, before immediately turning her attention back to Jenny. Sensing that I need some attention, Sarah leans her head on my shoulder as we watch my grandparents fuss over the newest member of their family.

“Have you picked godparents yet?” Grandma Irene asks.

“We have, actually,” mum says with a proud smile. “We’re going with my cousin Alan, and with Sarah.”

“Sarah who?” Grandma Irene asks, making my girlfriend cough.

“Hi,” Sarah says, trying to disguise her offence at being so easily forgotten.

“Oh,” Grandma Irene says with clear surprise in her voice. “THAT Sarah.” I grip Sarah’s hand as I feel her bristle- whilst my grandparents have slowly started to accept me for who I am, several of my ‘other choices’ are a taking a bit longer for them to swallow- and my being a lesbian is probably the hardest thing of all for them to accept.

“Well I spend so much of my time here anyway,” Sarah says, allowing herself an evil smirk as my grandparents bristle at the thought. “I’m probably the person closest to Jenny who isn’t blood-related…”

“Are you even old enough?” Grandpa Steven asks.

“I’m eighteen,” Sarah replies. “I’m an adult, and that means I can do all manner of adult things…” Oh, you cheeky girl, I think to myself. “…Like being godparent to a gorgeous little girl!”

“I just always thought that godparents were meant to instill good, wholesome CHRISTIAN values into their godchildren, that’s all…” Grandma Irene muses, and I actually have to squeeze Sarah’s hand to stop her from jumping down the old woman’s throat.

“Sarah’s one of the kindest, smartest people we know,” dad explains. “She was one of the most positive influences in our first daughter’s life, we figured she’d be one of the most positive things in our second daughter’s life.”

“Aww, thanks Chris!” Sarah says, grinning as my grandparents bristle even more.

“I never spoke to my husband’s parents on a first name basis…” Grandma Irene grumbles, and it’s all I do to stop Sarah from doing a victory dance on the sofa. For the next two uncomfortable hours- when the attention isn’t focussed on Jenny, anyway- Sarah and my grandparents engage in a verbal tug of war, with my grandparents referring to the conservative, Christian way in which they were raised in the 1950s- a way that had no room for transsexualism or homosexuality- and my Sarah constantly reminding them through her actions that it is, in fact, 2015, and everything that was unacceptable to them is more than acceptable nowadays. After they leave, both I and my father breathe a long sigh of relief.

“Sorry if I made that uncomfortable,” Sarah mumbles. “I just- I just don’t like, you know, prejudice…” I cuddle up close to Sarah, knowing that she has enough troubles with her own family- specifically ‘the Dragon’- without my own family making things worse.

“No, THEY’RE the fossils,” dad sighs as he sits back down with Jenny in his arms. “When they grew up nobody thought twice about running people down for being gay- or for being black, a different religion, you name it… I’m going to make sure THIS little one grows up knowing that it’s okay to be whoever you want to be and WHAT ever you want to be.”

“Hear that Jenny?” I tease. “You’re going to be a true 21st century girl!” The three of us giggle as the tiny baby gurgles happily.

“What have you girls got planned for the rest of the day?” Dad asks.

“Off to Sarah’s,” I answer. “She’s got some new stock that needs modelling…”

“As if you DON’T love it!” Sarah laughs, making me giggle and nod in agreement.

“Good,” dad says, handing Jenny to mum. “YOU can drive!” I sigh- and Sarah, of course, giggles- as dad hands me his car keys. After arriving at Sarah’s house following an uneventful drive, I change into a slinky fire-coloured dress that hugs my curves tightly, and even I have to smirk at how I feel much more comfortable standing in front of a camera wearing revealing clothing than I do sat in the driving seat of a car. A tight, dusky pink leotard dress follows, and finally a short, strapless indigo-coloured dress that shows off a LOT of cleavage.

“I have the most awesome girlfriend EVER!” Sarah says, giving me a kiss as she packs away the camera and the dresses I (reluctantly) hand over to her.

“Would I be right in assuming that that last one was Lauren’s design?” I laugh as I pull my ‘normal’ bra and dress back on, but I quickly wince as Sarah stares at me with an accusing eye.

“What makes you say that?” Sarah asks quizzically.

“Oh, um,” I stammer, having been caught off-guard by the tone of Sarah’s voice. “It’s, you know, short, tight, boobs everywhere… That is her style, isn’t it?”

“Well yes, she DID design that one,” Sarah says, roughly shoving the dress into her ‘stock wardrobe’. “Why is THAT so special?”

“Umm, it’s not…” I mumble as Sarah continues to stare at me, before sighing and crashing down onto her sofa.

“Sucks that your test tomorrow clashes with ballet,” Sarah says. “It’s one of Krystie’s special ‘dress down’ days, so everyone’s going in in bright pink leotards- you know, for Valentine’s…”

“Meh, I’ll catch up next week,” I shrug. “Now we’re not going to her evening lessons, I don’t, you know, feel like I have to try as hard…”

“And by ‘not have to try as hard’ you mean ‘enjoy it more’?” Sarah teases, making us both giggle. She’s not wrong- When I started ballet it was just after I started transitioning, and was an exciting adventure into a new, unexplored ‘realm of femininity’, but as I’ve become more and more ‘secure’ in my life as a woman… I find I just don’t NEED it as much, almost as if I don’t need to prove that I’m a woman, I AM a woman. A few months from now, I’ll even be able to apply to have my gender legally changed in the eyes of the law.

“You know me so well,” I laugh, giving Sarah a quick cuddle.

“Well,” Sarah laughs. “We ARE soulmates…” I smile as Sarah’s tension dissipates and we spend the rest of the evening relaxed on the sofa, chatting about ballet, clothes, our respective ‘dragons’ (her stepmother and my grandmother) and my impending test. My nerves regarding my test keep me awake for most of the night, even despite Sarah’s repeated attempts to ‘help me sleep’, and I’m awake long before Sarah’s alarm clock goes off at 7:15.

“Oh god,” I moan, my entire body shaking with nerves.

“Stop panicking!” Sarah says, grabbing my shaking hands. “It’s just a driving test! If I can pass one, you can too!”

“I know, I know,” I whisper as I slowly walk over to Sarah’s dresser to apply my make-up, but my hands are shaking so much I can’t even hold my make-up brush straight.

“Here, let me,” Sarah says, taking the brush from my hands and covering my face in a light layer of make-up. “Heh, you getting flashbacks too?”

“Flashbacks?” I ask, my brain scrambled from my nerves.

“To the first time you sat in this chair,” Sarah says. “We were both fourteen… Heh, hard to believe that was almost four years ago…”

“Best three and a half years of my life,” I say, giving Sarah a kiss with my freshly-made up lips.

“Mine too,” Sarah whispers as I pull on a plain denim skirt and long-sleeved black top. Less than half an hour later, dad arrives at the front door, like an executioner ready to take me to the gallows.

“Are you ready?” Dad asks.

“As I’ll ever be,” I whisper, still shaking slightly from my nerves.

“Stop. Being. So. Nervous.” Dad orders, grabbing my shaking hands for support. “Even if you don’t pass, it’s not the end of the world, just get more experience and have another go!”

“And we’ll always love you regardless of if you pass or not,” Sarah says, giving me a goodbye kiss as I get in dad’s car.

“Pull out into traffic when it’s safe to do so,” the examiner says in his stoic, formal voice, and I dutifully obey, making sure the examiner knows I’m constantly checking my mirrors and taking deliberate care and attention with every single action I take. For the next 30 minutes, I carefully drive around the streets of the West London suburb where I live, gradually getting more and more terrified to the extent that I’m barely able to use the clutch properly, my left leg is trembling so much.

“Okay, and pull in forward into any parking space,” the examiner says as we arrive back at the test centre. Shakily, I pull the car forward into the space, parking it perfectly between the white lines, before applying the handbrake and switching off the engine.

“Okay,” the examiner says. “There are a couple of points.” My heart sinks as the examiner launches into his criticism. “You were slow getting away at traffic lights a couple of times, and you need to check your door mirrors more when slowing down to turn.” A brief pause passes through the car, before the examiner smiles at me.

“But that’s just four minors, there are no majors, so congratulations, Miss Thomas, you’ve passed!” The examiner exclaims, and before I know what’s happening, I find myself giving him a big hug whilst squeaking excitedly as all the tension in my body is replaced with sheer relief.

“Okay, okay,” the examiner laughs, wriggling out of my hug.

“Oh god, sorry,” I say, clasping my hands to my mouth in embarrassment.

“Don’t worry,” the examiner laughs. “Occupational hazard of the job that I get loads of hugs from teenaged girls, I’m probably the only man in London who can go home smelling of perfume and NOT have his wife question him!” I giggle as the examiner takes my provisional licence from me.

“I’ll get your full licence sent out to you this week,” the examiner says with a smile. “Meanwhile, there’s a certificate waiting inside there for you, and I think your dad’s waiting for the good news!” I smile and jump out of the car and quickly stride over to dad, giving him a thumbs-up which makes the middle-aged man run forward and wrap me in a big, tight hug.

“I knew it!” Dad yells happily. “Didn’t I tell you you’d pass?”

“Yes,” I sigh happily as the examiner returns with my certificate that I am indeed legally allowed to drive on the roads of Great Britain.

“Your daughter’s a very talented driver,” the examiner tells my proud dad, with a heavy emphasis on the word ‘daughter’. “She just needs a little more confidence, that’s all!”

“Thanks,” dad says, before taking a photo of me and my certificate using my phone- a photo I quickly post on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and send via text message to every single person in my contacts list! Needless to say, the photo gets hundreds of likes within seconds, including from every single person at the ballet class I missed- the class I drive myself to in dad’s car, to be greeted with a hero’s welcome and a long, tight hug from my leotard-clad girlfriend.

“I knew you’d pass!” Sarah squeaks as she bounces up and down in my arms. “I love you so much!”

“I love you too!” I squeak.

“Well done Nikki!” Jamie squeaks, also giving me a quick hug that puts a frown on Sarah’s face. “I’m glad you passed… It’d have been a pain to have driven this home myself!” Much to my surprise, Jamie pulls a black car key out of her dance bag and places it in my hand.

“I- I don’t understand…” I mumble.

“Well,” Jamie says smugly, “now you have a driving licence, you need a car to go with it, right?” Jamie takes the key and points it at a lilac-coloured, brand new Renault Clio with P plates in the windows that’s been parked outside the dance studio.

“Wha- no…” I whisper. “This- this is too much!”

“Then call it a company car you can use in your free time,” Jamie giggles, guiding me to the driver’s seat and fastening my seatbelt- the closeness of which just deepens Sarah’s frown. “We're also counting it as your birthday present! Mr Thomas, Sarah, come on!” Smiling tiredly, dad and Sarah also get in the car as Jamie takes photos of us in it.

“AND we’ll need to have a party to celebrate,” the heavily-pregnant Charlotte teases. “How does tonight at my place sound?”

“Seriously, you don’t have to-“ I plead, but it’s plainly obvious that I’m not going to win this argument.

“I INSIST,” Charlotte says. “You okay driving yourself there for 7 tonight?”

“Um, I guess,” I say, still in shock from the generosity of my friends.

“Great!” Jamie says. “Now come on, show us your driving skills!”

“Is- is this car even insured?” Dad asks, clearly as troubled by the gift as I am shocked by it.

“Completely fully comp in Nikki’s name,” Jamie says. “Which cost more than the car itself! It’s insured for 12 months, taxed for 12 months, we’ve even paid the congestion charge!”

“Well, okay,” dad says, chuckling at the cheer that springs up as I turn the ignition. Steadily- and with dad still offering advice and instruction- I drive the car home, eliciting a gasp of shock from mum as she sees my new car pull up on the driveway.

“Oh my god,” mum- with Jenny in her arms- breathes. “How- how can you even afford this?”

“Jamie bought it for me!” I giggle as I bounce out of the car and give my mum (and by extension Jenny) a quick cuddle. “Isn’t it cool?”

“Yeah, good old Jamie,” dad sighs as he climbs out of the car and follows the rest of us into the house.

“Dad…” I ask, worried by the older man’s attitude. “What’s- what’s up?”

“It’s just- ugh, I don’t know,” dad sighs as he slumps into his chair. “It’s just teaching you to drive, helping you pick out your first car… That’s kinda a job I wanted. Ever since your ‘change’… It’s something that I could do for you no matter what gender you are, now even THAT’s been taken away from me…” I sigh sadly as dad spills his guts, before going over and giving him a tight hug.

“You’re growing up too fast,” dad mutters as I release him from the hug. “FAR too fast, now you’re off to parties every night…”

“HARDLY every night,” I laugh. “And it’s not like I’m not drinking alcohol- I can’t, anyway- I’m the designated driver!”

“Yeah, but you’re only a minor for another few weeks,” mum interjects. “Enjoy it while it lasts!” I giggle happily as mum and dad continue to playfully chastise me for the rest of the day, until the time comes for the party. We’ve not been given any costume ‘instructions’ for the party, so Sarah and I pull on long-sleeved mini dresses, Sarah pairing her dress with sheer brown tights whilst I opt for warm ribbed tights. Sarah pulls on a pair of high-heeled ankle booties, whilst I opt for flats- they’re easier to drive in, and I’m 5’ 8” anyway so I don’t really need the extra height (and I can ‘treat’ Sarah to being taller than me for one night only!).

As I pull up to Charlotte’s mansion in my brand-new car, giggling as the odometer ticks over into double digits, I’m surprised by what at first glance appears to be four VERY familiar figures, but on closer examination, turns out to be three even more familiar people…

“Tonight!” Dan- Mary’s husband- bellows in an obnoxious voice. “We celebrate Nikki’s new driving licence, a bunch of women dress up in racing jumpsuits, and we crash remote-control cars all around Charlotte’s house!” I can’t help but giggle at the tall man’s near-perfect Jeremy Clarkson impersonation- especially as he has Stuart (Jamie’s boyfriend) stood next to him dressed as Richard Hammond, and Paul (Dan’s best friend) dressed as James May in a loud shirt and a long grey wig.

“Top Gear?” I ask incredulously. “Seriously?”

“Blame hamster, it was his idea,” Dan/Jeremy says, pointing at Stuart/Richard, who giggles shyly.

“Come on, I’ve got your jumpsuits inside,” ‘Richard’ says.

“Okay, not exactly my idea of party wear, but I’m game!” I laugh as Stuart hands myself and Sarah two silver-coloured racing overalls, which we quickly change into in Charlotte’s cloakroom.

“Blame the boys,” Jamie- wearing a bright red overall with Ferrari decals- says as we enter Charlotte’s ballroom. “They’ve wanted a motor racing or Top Gear-themed party for AGES… I know it’s a bit ‘boyish’, and I AM sorry… I promise you’ll have a 100% girly, feminine day for your eighteenth next month!” I giggle happily as Jamie hands me a glass with ‘designated driver’ printed on the side of it, but I can’t help but feel bad about what dad said earlier- he’s probably worked harder than anyone else teaching me how to drive, he was there for me during my test today, he should be here helping celebrate me passing my test, instead of a bunch of guys I barely know. And for my eighteenth… There’s no way I’m NOT celebrating that without the two people without whom I wouldn’t even be alive.

I keep a grateful smile on my face throughout the party- even when roped into the promised remote-controlled car race (which I lose pretty badly)- before leaving just after 11pm, citing tomorrow’s work as my excuse and college as Sarah’s excuse (though that didn’t stop Katie from sticking around long after we leave. When we arrive back home (still wearing our boiler suits), mum and dad (and, obviously, Jenny) are fast asleep, putting an idea in my head.

“Nngh,” a hungover Sarah moans as my alarm goes off at 6:45am. “Why, Nikki, why?”

“I’m sorry babe,” I say, giving Sarah a kiss on her undoubtedly painful head. “I just… Kinda feel bad about what dad said yesterday. And I DO want to celebrate my pass with him… I’ll be making fresh coffee…”

“Okay,” Sarah says in a tone that is half-giggle and half-sigh. “But you’re doing the cooking!” I giggle as the two of us head downstairs to find mum already awake, breastfeeding my baby sister.

“Stop being so squeamish,” Sarah whispers as I make a conscious effort to not stare at my mother’s breasts. “If anything, your own breasts are even bigger! They're even bigger than MINE...”

“Yes,” I reply, “But they’re still MY MUM’S…” Still, I can’t help but smile happily as I stare down at my expanded chest, before heading over to the kitchen worktop where I quickly get to work.

“Morning, girls,” mum says, confused by our early start.

“Morning, Sandra,” Sarah says. “Breakfast’s on Nikki today!”

“I just want to do something nice for dad,” I say. “Feel a bit bad about leaving you in the lurch last night…”

“You hardly left us in the lurch!” Mum giggles. “God knows, when your father and I were eighteen we were out most nights without any regard for our parents…”

“Still though,” I say. “Dad was obviously upset…”

“He’ll get over it,” mum argues.

“This’ll make it easier,” I giggle, holding up a packet of bacon and two large eggs. Twenty minutes later, I pad upstairs to my parents’ bedroom, where dad is still slumbering. Barely able to suppress my giggles, I crouch down beside him and wake him with a long kiss on the cheek.

“Happy birthday, dad!” I squeak excitedly.

“My birthday’s in October,” dad grumbles as he slowly wakes up.

“Happy father’s day, then!” I say.

“That’s June,” dad moans, before seeing the carefully-prepared breakfast on the tray beside him. “…Thanks, Nikki.”

“I kinda felt bad about yesterday,” I explain. “Don’t want you to feel ‘out of the loop’…”

“Oh for god’s sake,” dad laughs as he tucks in. “It’s every parent’s duty to try to guilt their teenaged kids into behaving, you’re not supposed to actually behave! And the car Jamie bought is MUCH better than anything I could afford, anyway…”

“I just- I just sometimes think I don’t thank you enough for all you’ve done for me,” I sigh. “Sometimes I forget how lucky I am- you heard that story about that girl who got kidnapped by her dad just because she was transgendered, right?”

“If you’re not willing to accept and love your children for who or what they are, you don’t deserve to call yourself a parent,” dad says between bites of his breakfast. “Hope you realise that just because you’re turning eighteen in a few weeks, you’re never too old to ask for help from your mum and dad.”

“Thanks,” I say, blinking back tears, before giving dad a big hug as he finishes his breakfast. “I’ve, um, got to get to work…”

“Go on,” dad laughs. “Those models won’t babysit themselves…” I giggle as I head into the shower, before pulling on a clean bran and thong set and dressing in my trademark short black pencil skirt, white blouse and black tights. I pull on a pair of flats for driving, but I also bring along a pair of heels to change into- I’m looking after Hannah today, who’s taller than me when we’re both in stocking feet, and I don’t want to be TOO overshadowed!

“I could get used to this,” Sarah says as she slides into the passenger seat of my car. “Being chauffeured around everywhere by my sexy girlfriend… Now I know how you felt these last few months!” I giggle happily as I drive Sarah to college, making a detour to pick up Hannah & Viks en route so I don’t have to drive on my own at any point. After expertly parking my new car outside the TV studio where my ‘charges’ will be working today, I change into my heels, grab my iPad and lead the two young women to the reception desk.

“Hi,” I say to the young receptionist. “I’m Nikki Thomas, PA for Hannah Dexter and Victoria Brooks?”

“Of course!” The receptionist says. “Please, Miss Thomas, Miss Dexter, Miss Brooks, follow me!” The three of us giggle as we follow the receptionist to the duo’s posh dressing room.

“Italian coffee, pink wafer biscuits and dark chocolate digestives,” the receptionist states. “The TV’s already tuned to ITV2, there’s bottled water in the fridge and plenty of wardrobe space.”

“That looks like everything!” I say happily, ushering Hannah and Viks into the plush room. “I’ll get your dresses out of the car.”

“You mean, you’ll get OUR dresses out of YOUR car!” Hannah giggles, making myself and Viks giggle too. I dutifully fetch the dresses and wait outside the studio for Hannah and Viks to do their thing- today's a make-up review for a lifestyle programme on an obscure satellite TV channel- before carrying their dresses, worn and unworn, back to the car.

"I could get used to working ONE day weeks," Viks giggles as she fastens her seatbelt.

"Oh, rub it in, why don't you?" Hannah moans. "Bad enough that you've got a Valentine's date and I haven't..."

"Only because there isn't a single man in the UK good enough for you!" Viks laughs. "At least you don't have competition any more..." Viks holds her left hand up in an over-dramatic gesture, and in my rear-view mirror, I catch a glance of the glint from her engagement ring.

"Even your brothers have got Valentine's dates," Hannah moans. "And Phil's only 13!"

"In fairness, he and Laura make a REALLY cute couple," Viks says, but all I can concentrate on- apart from my driving, of course- is the ring. After dropping the two women off at their respective homes, I head straight to Dr Williamson’s office for my scheduled appointment- and I have a lot to talk about this week.

"Hi Nikki!" The middle-aged woman says as I enter her office. "Just come from work?"

"Yeah," I sigh, smoothing my pencil skirt as I sit in her chair.

"So," Dr Williamson asks, "how's the week been? Other than yesterday’s excitement, of course!"

"That got around quick!" I giggle.

"Don't forget I keep tabs on your Instagram," Dr Williamson chuckles. "Also the fact that you drove here in a brand-new Clio... Gift from your parents?"

"From Jamie, actually," I say. "That's... Kinda something I wanted to talk about, actually."

"Go on," Dr Williamson says, leaning back in her chair.

"My parents..." I sigh. "I think they're kinda upset that I'm, you know, growing up 'too fast'. I've got this job, rich friends who can buy me a car... I think they feel a little left out."

"It's to be expected," Dr Williamson advises. "You've been dependent on them for so long, the more independence you gain, the more of an adjustment they'll need to make. Your life is YOUR life, and you're not a child anymore."

"Well, technically..." I mutter.

"You know what I mean," Dr Williamson chuckles. "Yes, obviously don't go out of your way to antagonise them, don't do anything drastic like move out. Having met your parents many times I know how much they'll always love and support you, but they need to know that you are your own person."

"Alright," I say. "I- I also kinda want to talk about Sarah..."

"Are you two still okay?" Dr Williamson asks.

"We're fine," I say, before sighing. "Well, we could be better... It's like Sarah's jealous of EVERYONE I have contact with nowadays, not just Dannii."

"Have you spoken to her about this?" Dr Williamson asks me.

"I daren't," I sigh. "If I ask, she'll accuse me of seeing someone else... I can't do anything that might cause me to lose her, but I don't want to be constantly walking on eggshells..."

"Do you still intend to propose to her on your birthday?" Dr Williamson asks.

"If not sooner," I answer. "I can't imagine my life without her. She IS my life... I know my parents adore her too, but that just brings me back to problem number one, if I do get engaged to Sarah, I run the risk of alienating my parents further..." I bare my soul to my counsellor for the next hour, not accomplishing anything or gaining any practical help, but feeling refreshed nonetheless having talked over my problems. I drive myself home, arriving just after 3:30pm to find mum sat on the sofa, my baby sister asleep in her arms.

"Be quiet," mum cautions me. "Just got her settled."

"Okay," I whisper. "Hi beautiful baby sister!" I mime a kiss a few inches above Jenny's forehead, smiling involuntarily at the sight of her cute, sleeping face.

"Is Sarah still sleeping at her own house tonight?" Mum asks.

"Yeah," I reply. "She and Lauren have a lot of work to catch up on, don't want any 'distractions', heh. Actually... I'm glad that I've got you and dad to myself for one night."

"Really?" Mum giggles. "Normally when you and Sarah are separated for more than 24 hours you're practically clawing at the door, begging to be let out to go and meet her!"

"More like 8 hours," I giggle. "But... There's something I need to talk to you and dad about. Something important."

"Well, okay," mum says. "Your dad should be back just after 6pm, can it wait until then?"

"Sure," I say, turning my attention to Facebook as mum gently rocks the still-sleeping Jenny in her arms. Sure enough, when I sign into messenger, Sarah and Lauren have set their statuses to 'do not disturb', and so has Katie- probably to catch up on all the coursework she's fallen behind on thanks to her excessive partying. Dannii's the only 'Teen Angel' online, but rather than start a conversation with her, I close down the app- with Sarah's paranoid running hot, the last thing I need is for her to find messages between myself and Dannii on my iPad.

My father returns just over 3 hours later, and with Jenny asleep in her crib, and immediately turns his attention to me.

"What's this 'big issue' you need to talk to us about, then?" Dad asks. I take a deep breath, before pulling my ring box out of my handbag, where it's lived for the past month.

"This," I whisper, showing my parents the ring.

"Nikki," mum whispers. "It's beautiful... Do- do you plan to give this to Sarah?" Shaking with nervous emotion, I nod my head.

"You know you can't propose until you're eighteen, right?" Dad asks, stunned by the existence of the ring.

"Not without your permission," I whisper.

"Obviously, once you're eighteen, you can make your own decisions," dad says. "But until then... You shouldn't rush into a decision like this."

"What rush?" I ask. "I've loved Sarah for three years, you and mum were engaged after you'd been going out for 2 years!"

"We were also 21," mum says. "I know it seems trivial, but it's a long time in your life, between 18 and 21."

"You guys LOVE Sarah," I plead. "You made her Jenny's godmother..."

"We do love her," dad says. "I've said it before and I'll say it again, as far as we're concerned, we've got three daughters, not just two. But... I need to be sure that this is what you want, what you need. Sarah's your first girlfriend-"

"-And my last," I say, interrupting dad.

"All we want is for you not to rush into something you might regret later," mum says. "If we could pick a wife for you... It would be Sarah." I nod, knowing that I've lost the argument- but that in less than a month's time, the argument will be trivial anyway.

"Has- has Sarah asked you for permission to propose to me?" I ask.

"No," dad says bluntly. "If she had... We would tell you."

"Would you have given permission?" I ask.

"No," dad says in the same blunt voice. "For the same reasons we just told you. But... If the two of you DO get engaged on your eighteenth... We'll be happy for you."

"Your father's actually had a dream about walking you down the aisle on your wedding day," mum teases.

"Sandra!" Dad chastises, playfully rolling his eyes.

"Oh really?" I tease. "What did my dress look like?"

"White and big," dad sighs. "It was a wedding dress, what do you expect me to say it looked like?"

"Was I beautiful?" I ask.

"Of course you were," dad laughs. "You ALWAYS are."

"...And was I marrying Sarah?" I ask. This time, dad hesitates, turning his gaze to the floor.

"The dream didn't get that far," dad mumbles. "On a personal note, I hope that dream doesn't come true for a very long time. You're growing up MUCH too fast."

"But I AM growing up," I say. "Hell, I'm basically already grown up. And you don't really need me, not now you've got Jenny..." As I say this, both parents rise from their seats and sit either side of me, holding me in a long, loving embrace.

"Of COURSE we'll always need you!" Mum says between tears. "You're our firstborn, you're the best thing that's ever happened to us!" Immediately as mum finishes her sentence, the sounds of Jenny gurgling comes over the baby monitor.

"JOINT best thing," dad laughs. After watching TV for the rest of the night- and chatting to Sarah on Facebook whenever I get the chance- I repaint my nails my favourite fuchsia colour, before changing into my soft, smooth nightie and climbing into bed. Without Sarah in it, it's lonely and cold, and even though I know I'll see her tomorrow... Being separated from her for ANY length of time is more than I can bear. I look at the ring in the drawer of my nightstand, and sigh sadly before I fall asleep.

"Don't be nervous," dad advises as he leads me up the aisle of the church, my hand resting in the crook of his arm. "This is the happiest day of your life, remember?" I look up at the altar, where my bride is waiting, and all of a sudden, a wave of clarity washes over me.

"This is a dream," I say to myself. Dad- and the rest of the people in the church- freeze in place as I sprint toward the altar and lift the veil of my bride...

I wake up with a start, alone in my bed, and groan as the dream starts to fade from my memory. I strain my thoughts, desperately trying to remember any detail of the face underneath the veil, but nothing comes to mind. I groan and collapse back onto my pillow, for the first time ever praying that when I fall asleep, I'm NOT praying of the church I find myself in virtually every night...

My alarm clock wakes me at 8:30am, and I pull on a plain white bodysuit, a slouchy lilac hoodie, black tights and a black denim skirt before heading downstairs to breakfast. Even though it's a free day for me today, I have in mind something I want to do, something I've wanted to do for a while, so after I finish my corn flakes, I head outside and walk to the nearest tube station, my nervousness at driving making me eschew my new car in favour of public transport- and besides, I have unused credit on my Oyster Card.

I giggle a bit from the flashback as I enter my old college, quickly finding my way to the IT suite where I spot a familiar brown-haired girl sighing frustratedly at her screen.

"Boo?" I ask, making the girl gasp with shock.

"God's sake, Nikki!" Katie exclaims as I take a seat next to her. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"I was in the mood for some nostalgia," I laugh. "Besides, you've put on Facebook that you've been struggling, figured I could offer some seriously non-expert help?" Katie smiles sadly at my offer- she, like I, obviously remembers one of the catalysts of our recent falling out being my refusal to ask for HER help with my college work.

"I'd like that," Katie giggles, showing me some of the photos that she's in the process of editing.

"How was ballet last night?" I ask as I experiment with some of the filters in Katie's software.

"Pretty good," Katie says. "Can't believe you and Sarah dropped your regular classes, you were getting so good at it too..."

"It's not really something I want to do beyond 'hobby' level," I explain.

"Yeah, but Sarah loves it, doesn't she?" Katie asks. "Didn't she used to be a gymnast? Thought ballet would be right up her alley..."

"Think she wants to focus on her college work," I say. "Same reason she's not been doing much work for Joshua, like you and Lauren."

"Well, apart from the hosiery shoot I have next Wednesday," Katie says, making us both giggle loudly. "Don't tell Dannii, she'll go apeshit!"

"My lips are sealed," I laugh.

"I really can't thank you enough," Katie sighs happily. "For properly introducing me to the Angels... For everything I said last year, I can tell I'm going to be apologising FOREVER."

"You really don't need to," I say. "Me and Sarah WERE in the wrong... Should've known who our REAL friends are."

"Teen Angels forever!" Katie giggles, before a sudden wave of realisation washes over her face. "...You're kinda worried that I'm doing the same thing, aren't you? Out every Friday night..."

"I'm not THAT big a hypocrite," I laugh. "I'm not going to begrudge you going out on the town now that you're eighteen, and I'm CERTAINLY not going to begrudge you hanging out with the Angels. Just... God, I'm going to sound like my mum here..."

"Don't worry, I've heard it from my own mum enough," Katie says. "'Don't let your college work suffer, don't get a big head...' You know, she REALLY disapproves of us being friends? Of course, I'm eighteen, I can be friends with whoever I want..."

"I thought she always liked me?" I complain.

"She DID," Katie says. "Now she's worried that I'm somehow corrupting my little brothers..."

"That's silly," I say. "Aren't your brothers 13 and 11? They're old enough to think for themselves, surely?"

"Yeah, but Lee's got that form of autism," Katie says. "He IS pretty impressionable, mum's actually taken steps to avoid him finding out 'the truth' about you in case he wants to, you know, be 'like you'..."

"You're either 'like me' or you're not," I say, deeply offended by Katie's news. "And I assume you mean transgendered rather than homosexual?"

"Yeah," Katie says, before chuckling. "You know, this is gonna sound weird, but I never really think of you and Sarah as gay, I dunno if it's because you- well, you..."

"Yeah, point taken," I say.

"It'd be really cool, though," Katie continues, "to, you know, go to a wedding with two brides. Isn't this your fourth Valentine's coming up?"

"It is," I say with a smile. "And that wedding... It might be sooner than you think." I reach into my bag to show Katie the ring I'd bought Sarah, and the freckled girl gasps loudly, drawing the attention of nearby students and forcing me to quickly dump the ring back in my bag in case they think I'm proposing to Katie!

"That. Was. GORGEOUS," Katie whispers. "How much did it cost you?"

"The Angels work me hard but pay me well," I say. "And it's not like I've got anything better to spend my money on, heh. And I really, really love her... You can't tell her about this."

"Are- are you going to propose on your eighteenth?" Katie asks.

"That is the plan," I say. "I know for a fact Sarah has a ring for me, too." Katie gasps again, and starts bouncing up and down in her chair with excitement.

"This is unreal!" Katie squeaks. "Please tell me I can be a bridesmaid..."

"I'm not even engaged yet!" I complain. "I was kinda, you know, hoping for advice..."

"From a girl who's single on Valentine's Day?" Katie scoffs. "Okay, two words: ASK. HER."

"Massive help, thanks," I sarcastically reply, making Katie giggle happily.

"I think Sarah and Lauren will be at lunch now," Katie laughs. "Come on. Try not to propose over your sandwich!" I stick my tongue out at Katie as we head to the cafeteria, where we find Sarah and Lauren already sat and eating. Sarah's face lights up as she sees me sit down, but her delight turns to confusion as she sees me arrive with Katie.

"Have you been here a while?" Sarah asks accusingly.

"Yeah, thought I'd help Katie, whether she likes it or not!" I giggle, but Sarah's stern stare quickly ends my laughter.

"You could've texted me..." Sarah says, before shaking her head and returning to her food.

"O-kay," Katie says. "Lauren, planning on spending Valentine's in Michael's pants again?"

"For what little time he'll be wearing pants, yep!" Lauren replying with a cheeky grin on her face. "It's our third Valentine's together, we've been steadily less and less clothed each time!"

"Oh my god, that's so cool!" Katie exclaims. "So you're high school sweethearts, like Nikki and Sarah?"

"Yeah, except only HALF as cute!" Lauren says, making Sarah force out a frustrated chuckle. "Shouldn't need to explain WHICH half..." I open my mouth to talk, but am quickly interrupted by the arrival of the last member of our group.

"Hi girlies!" Dannii squeaks, giving all four of us- including an EXTREMELY reluctant-looking Sarah- hugs, before sitting down next to Lauren. "Talking about the big V-day on Saturday?"

"Of course!" I reply, but I can see that Dannii's mere presence is causing Sarah's rage to almost boil over.

"And, of course, our 'date' the day before?" Dannii giggles, making Sarah's face turn red even though she knows the 'date' Dannii's referring to is just a modelling job.

After lunch, I head home, giving Sarah a kiss as I depart, but the kiss she gives me in return doesn't feel NEARLY as loving as usual. After catching up on my emails at home (and writing a checklist for tomorrow's work with Hannah) I drive the short distance to Sarah's house in the busy London traffic, where my lover is already home and waiting for me- though the look on her face fills me with dread as I step through her front door.

"Are you fucking Dannii?" Sarah asks me, making me stutter with surprise.

"Wh-what?" I ask.

"It's a simple enough question," Sarah says. "Are you fucking Dannii? Yes or no?"

"No, of course not!" I say, stunned by Sarah's sudden hostility. "You know Dannii was taking the piss when she said 'date'..."

"So Katie then?" Sarah asks.

"I- I was only helping her with her work," I plead. "Besides, she doesn't even LIKE girls..."

"But you wish she did?" Sarah asks, the hatred in her eyes bringing tears to mine.

"Where is this even coming from?" I ask.

"It's coming from the fact that you were within 100 feet of me earlier today and didn't even bother to say hi!" Sarah spits.

"But- but Katie and I are friends..." I plead. "I just wanted to do something nice..."

"And we're SUPPOSED to be lovers," Sarah snarls. "Just- just get out, okay? I don't even want to LOOK at you right now..."

"Sarah, please..." I plead, openly weeping.

"GO!" Sarah snaps, her own eyes full of tears. With my whole body shaking, I head back out to my car and slowly, carefully drive home, where I run straight up to my room- not even bothering to say hi to mum or Jenny- and bury my face in my pillow, crying my eyes out.

"Nikki?" Mum asks softly as she slowly opens my bedroom door. "Are you okay?" I sigh, drying my eyes on my pillow case before accepting a long, tight hug from mum as she sits down on the edge of my bed.

"Sarah and I have had a falling out..." I sigh.

"About what?" Mum asks.

"It's not important," I sigh, shaking my head. "Sarah- she's just so paranoid lately, I don't know what to do..."

"Is this because you kissed that other girl that one time?" Mum asks, and I nod.

"I know, it was a stupid thing to do," I sigh. "But it was this time last year... I think Sarah just hates Valentine's Day, heh."

"Regardless, I know she doesn't hate YOU," mum says, tightening her hug. "Give her a day or two, I know she'll calm down."

"Okay," I sigh, before a crying sound from the baby monitor in mum's hand makes us both giggle.

"A mother's work is never done," mum laughs. "Just remember that I have time for BOTH my daughters when they need me."

"I will," I sigh as mum exits the room, leaving me to collapse back on my bed, my tears stopped but my heart still aching from Sarah's accusations. I understand why she might have some suspicions... But to outright accuse me of cheating... Surely she knows how much I worship the ground she walks on?

I spend most of the rest of the day in my room, playing on my iPad, browsing the internet and generally wasting time before heading to bed. Without Sarah in them... Evenings just aren't fun. But I have confidence that mum's right- Sarah just needs time, needs space. This will be the second night in a row we've slept apart, and aside from Sarah's holiday six months ago, I can't remember the last time we were separated for that long.

Thankfully, my sleep is dreamless, so when my alarm wakes me at 7:30, I'm refreshed and relaxed, and after a long shower, I apply a full face of make-up, retouch my nails and pull on a fresh bra and thong before pulling on my trusty pencil mini skirt, blouse and tights ready for the day ahead. Before I climb in my car, ready to go to work, I send a quick text message to Sarah.

'I'm really sorry for hurting you. I love you loads. Please text me when you get the chance. GLF xxx' I toss my phone back in my bag, knowing that I'm going against mum's advice by contacting Sarah so soon, but she doesn't understand just how much I NEED her...

"Hey Nikki!" Hannah squeaks as she gets in the back seat of my car.

"You know, the front passenger seat IS free," I laugh as I pull out onto the road in front of Hannah's posh London flat.

"And it will remain that way," Hannah says in a fake posh accent, before bursting down in giggles. "I'm sorry, Nikki, I really am- guess I'm just used to being chauffeured around everywhere by, you know, 'official' drivers, either in the Angelmobile or a limo... Guess I forgot that I'm being driven around by an 'equal' today, heh."

"Cool," I laugh, prompting a concerned frown from Hannah.

"Nikki..." The tall, blonde woman says. "Are you okay?"

"Just-" I sigh. "Just a falling out with Sarah, that's all..."

"Oh no," Hannah says with genuine concern. "About what?"

"It's like I can't even be in the same room as another woman without her getting jealous," I say.

"Ugh, the green-eyed monster," Hannah sighs. "I've dated a couple of boys who were like that. Well, that and thinking that because they're a BOY they have the right to order me around..."

"For the sake of fairness, some girls can be like that too," I laugh. "Though not Sarah..."

"Nikki," Hannah says softly. "I see the way she looks at you. She ADORES you in a way that's really, really rare. Have you spoken to her since the fight?"

"I texted her," I mumble.

"She'll text back," Hannah says confidently. "Now eyes on the road!"

"Yes ma'am!" I giggle. A few hours later, with my PA work completed and Hannah dropped back off at her flat, I start to head home, but instead change my mind and head to Sarah's home, letting myself in with my key. With her mother at work until the late evening but Sarah due back soon, I head up to her bedroom and change into the pink satin bra & thong set Sarah had bought me for Christmas. I was planning on saving this for Valentine's night, but I need something special NOW, and it's not like I don't have other sexy lingerie I can wear.

After barely stuffing my breasts into the bra (which was obviously designed for 'show' as opposed to comfort), I head down to the kitchen and quickly locate a bottle of chocolate sauce.

Forty-five minutes later, Sarah comes through her front door, and lets out a surprised grunt as she sees my shoes sitting in the hallway.

"Nikki?" Sarah asks, before gasping with shock as she sees me kneeling in front of her, in just my bra and thong, with the words 'I'm sorry' written across my cleavage in chocolate sauce and a sad, puppy-dog expression on my face.

"You- you-" Sarah stutters, before bursting out into fits of laughter. "You are AMAZING."

"I'm also covered in chocolate that I need 'help' clearing up," I say, making Sarah giggle harder, before getting down on her stockinged knees in front of me.

"I'll lick off the apostrophe," Sarah says, delicately licking the sauce off of my chest.

"Really?" I say. "Chocolate sauce all over my tits and you go for my collarbone?" Smiling evilly, Sarah reaches around my back and in one swift motion, unhooks my bra, letting my breasts hang free.

Fifteen minutes later, after the sauce has been 'cleaned' from my chest and I've pulled my normal clothes back on, I relax on Sarah's sofa in the arms of the woman I love more than anything else.

"I really, truly am sorry," I whisper.

"Nothing to be sorry for," Sarah sighs. "I acted like a monster, a selfish bitch..."

"You are NONE of those things," I say, cuddling Sarah closer to me.

"And you're not a cheat," Sarah sighs. "Doesn't stop my brain from putting 2 and 2 together and making a billion..."

"The important thing is that I love you," I say. "The ONLY important thing is that I love you, and I always will..."

"I'll always love you too," Sarah sighs. "How was work?"

"Same old, same old," I say. "Seems like I only work with Hannah or Viks nowadays, Mary and Charlotte are busy being mums or mums-to-be, Jamie and Krystie are doing auditions for that new band..."

"I'll try not to be too jealous of them," Sarah snorts.

"At least I've got some actual modelling work tomorrow for the first time in ages..." I muse, before feeling Sarah tense up in my arms. "I- I'm sorry..."

"Oh, don't be," Sarah giggles. "If anything I'm envious of the work, heh." The two of us remain on the sofa for the rest of the evening- Sarah catching up on design work for college and me watching her- before the two of us change into our nightdresses and head to bed, me taking the time to remove the polish from my finger- and toenails ahead of tomorrow's job. Neither of us are particularly in the mood for sex- especially following Sarah's earlier 'snack', so we quickly fall asleep in each other's arms.

Sarah's alarm clock wakes us both at 7:30am, and despite what Sarah said yesterday, I can sense her tension as we both dress for the day ahead- Sarah in her typical college attire of a skirt, a top and black tights, and me in a short, patterned dress and lighter coloured tights.

"Wish Dannii happy birthday for me," Sarah says, giving me a kiss as she drops me off at the photo studio where I'll be spending most of the day.

"Umm, her birthday's in June, isn't it?" I ask.

"Yeah," Sarah sighs. "But today IS Friday the 13th... Unlucky for some..." I can't help but feel upset as Sarah drives away with an almost terrified expression on her face, and anxious as I head into the studio to find that my colleague for the day is already there, waiting for me.

"Hey girlie!" Dannii says, greeting me with a hug. "Ready for a day being a super-sexy swimwear model?"

"Modelling one-piece swimsuits for school uniform catalogues?" I laugh. "REAL sexy, yeah..."

"It's not the swimsuit that's sexy," Dannii teases as we head into our changing room for the day, our swimsuits waiting for us on a rack inside the front door. My body starts to shake as I watch Dannii strip from her skirt and top, whilst she watches me strip off my dress with equal interest.

"They look almost real," Dannii says as I remove my bra and grab the first swimsuit from my rack.

"They ARE real," I say as I stretch the swimsuit over the special flesh-coloured thong I bought for modelling jobs such as this one.

"Yeah, but, you know..." Dannii argues as she removes her own underwear, standing before me completely naked. I avert my eyes as I finish adjusting my swimsuit, before stepping out into the studio for my first 'date with the camera'. I actually start to enjoy myself once I'm in front of the camera, though what I'm enjoying most is being away from Dannii's company, as I discover when I head back to the changing room to meet Dannii merging from it in her dark purple swimsuit.

"As I was saying," the tall girl says, "you wouldn't be able to tell that they weren't, you know, 'not natural'."

"That's because they ARE natural," I retort. "Made of the same stuff as yours." I head into the changing room without saying another word, exchanging my black swimsuit for a dark grey one. Dannii and I take turns in front of the camera, thankfully never being in the studio or the changing room at the same time as each other, but every time we pass each other, I can't help but feel her gaze lingering on my body. I'd hoped she'd got over her 'desire' from last year, but as we change back into our street clothes at the end of the shoot, I can tell that I'm sorely mistaken.

"You know," Dannii says smugly, "if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't be here right now, modelling."

"It was Jamie who got me this job," I reply stoically, not wanting to give Dannii a reason to argue further.

"Jamie didn't get me MY job," Dannii says, her voice even more smug than before.

"Fair enough," I reply, grabbing my handbag and preparing to leave, only to be stopped by the still half-naked Dannii blocking my way.

"We've been through this already," I say firmly. "I love Sarah, Nobody else."

"As I was saying," Dannii says with a look of pure lust in her eyes. "Jamie didn't get me my job. I did. And I ALWAYS get what I want."

"Not this time," I reply. "Not EVER."

"After I forgave you for the way you treated me last year?" Dannii asks. "After the way you treated Katie and Lauren... I forgive and all you can do is walk out on me?"

"I'm glad you're my friend," I say, my heart beating faster, but through panic rather than lust. "But that's all we can ever be. WE'VE. BEEN. THROUGH. THIS."

"Yeah, you told me last year that nothing could ever happen between us," Dannii says. "And I told YOU that I'd never stop loving you. It doesn't even have to be an 'open' relationship. All I ask is one time, right here, right now... Sarah doesn't even have to know..."

"But I'D know," I say. "Never. Not in a million years."

"Are you really telling me that Sarah's better looking than ME?" Dannii asks incredulously.

"She's better looking than EVERYONE," I reply, but Dannii can only snort in response.

"Let me put it to you this way then," Dannii says angrily. "Either you and I have sex right now, or I text Sarah and tell her that we DID. And then you won't have EITHER of us!"

"You psychotic bitch," I hiss at the tall girl, who shrugs off my insult like it was nothing.

"Phone's in my hand, Nikki," Dannii says, waving the smartphone in front of me.

"You'd be happy having sext with me even though you knew it was because you threatened me?" I ask.

"Just. Once," Dannii says. "Believe me, I'll make you forget all about Sarah..."

"I. LOVE. HER!" I shout, my anger boiling at Dannii's smug attitude.

"Hey Sarah," Dannii says whilst typing into her phone. "Thought you might like to know that your girlfriend just spent the last 15 minutes with her face buried in my crotch. XXX Dannii." Last chance to agree or I'll send it...

"You really are mentally unstable," I say.

"I've waited twelve months for an opportunity like this," Dannii says. "You are NOT ruining it for me. My finger's over the send button..."

"Delete. The. Text," I order, making Dannii sigh.

"You know the only way that'll happen," Dannii says, slowly lowering her thong with her free hand. "So how about for the next ten minutes, you forget all about that ugly bitch, and let me show-" Before I can control myself, my right hand flies up and slaps Dannii HARD across her cheek. The two of us stand there in shock for a brief, silent second, before Dannii presses the 'send' button on her text message, pulls her clothes back on and storms out the changing room door.

"Wait- Dannii- wait-" I stutter, running after the tall girl as she storms out the door. "I'm sorry!" I beg and plead with Dannii as she jumps into her waiting taxi, but she remains silent as she drives away, leaving me hyperventilating at the side of the road. I don't know what possessed me when I slapped Dannii. Some might argue that she had it coming, but violence is NEVER the solution... And my momentary madness may have cost me my relationship with Sarah, the most important thing in the world to me. I reach into my handbag and grab my phone, typing in the speed-dial for Sarah with fingers that won't stop shaking, but when the phone rings, it goes to voicemail.

"Sarah, please call me!" I plead into the phone. "She's a liar, she's a psychopath, please call me!" I break down in floods of tears as I hang up the phone, barely composing myself before getting on the Tube and heading straight to Sarah's house. When I arrive, I'm surprised to see her car in the driveway, meaning she's already home from college despite it barely being 1pm.

"Sarah?" I ask in a scared voice as I open her front door and look into her emotionless face.

"Is it true?" Sarah whispers in a terrified, heartbroken voice.

"Of course not," I reply, tears forming in my eyes. "She threatened me, said if I didn't sleep with her-" Much to my surprise, Sarah walks toward me and wraps me in a long, tight hug, letting me cry onto her shoulder as she weeps into mine.

"I believe you," Sarah says. "And I love you, I always will. Girl love forever!"

"Girl love forever," I repeat in a confused voice as Sarah holds her hand up to me in the same way we've done for years. "You- you believe me?"

"Of course," Sarah says, clearly struggling to control her emotions.

"But- but what you said on Wednesday..." I argue, making Sarah smile sadly.

"Wednesday was a learning experience," Sarah explains. "What I said then, what I did... I don't ever want to be that way again. I realise now that I'm paranoid."

"You have every reason to be paranoid," I whisper.

"But not about you," Sarah whispers, giving me another kiss. "If you say nothing happened between you and Dannii... Then I can believe you, I can CHOOSE to believe you. I've already asked mum to refer me to a counsellor."

"A counse- Why, exactly?" I ask incredulously.

"Because I need help," Sarah says, talking to me in a way she hasn't done for a very long time. "Every time I saw you with another girl, even if you were just talking, doing nothing, my mind would be filled with these images, of you leaving me for her, creeping around behind my back, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't shift those images from my mind and they- literally- drove me mad. Wednesday... It was just the breaking point. Of course you were only there to surprise Katie, she's been your friend longer than anyone except me, she's my friend too... I need to stop being so mental."

"You are NOT mental," I say, hugging Sarah tightly.

"I am," Sarah sighs. "But I can choose not to be. I WANT not to be."

"I love you so much," I whisper. Before too long, Beverly returns home and confirms everything Sarah said- about her need to see a counsellor and her paranoia threatening to take over her life. We spend the rest of the day talking about the future, helping Sarah 'get better', about our special Valentine's date we have planned for tomorrow, about the inevitable photo messages we'll get from Katie on her night out with the Angels... But at no point does the topic of Dannii come up, nor does the topic of marriage, or even the acknowledgement of the existence of either of our engagement rings.

As the two of us climb into bed, we both have wide, happy grins on our faces, grins that only widen as we embrace each other. Neither of us have sex on the mind, yet neither of us wants to let the other go, even as we wake up on the morning of Valentine's Day itself. Only the bleep of a new text message on our phones persuades us to unwrap ourselves from each other's arms.

"Katie?" I ask as Sarah checks her phone.

"Yes," Sarah sighs. "But not for the reason you might think. I... May have sent a copy of Dannii's text message to her and Lauren. The two of them want to meet us for coffee this afternoon after work."

"Ugh," I sigh. "Gonna have some explaining to do then..."

"Why?" Sarah asks with a smile. "You. Didn't. Do. Anything." I giggle and give Sarah a kiss as we both get up, apply a light layer of make-up to each other and dress for the day- Sarah in her usual work uniform, me in a plain denim skirt, tight red jumper and black tights. Obviously I'll be changing for tonight's 'activities', but for the day, whilst I'm by myself, all I want to be is comfortable.

Sarah drops me at my home before heading off to work- Katie and Lauren also have Saturday jobs, meaning that the only 'Teen Angel' I have free to hang out with is Dannii- and that's obviously NOT an option. Jamie is busy all day with her boyfriend, as are Krystie, Mary and Viks, I don't really know Charlotte or the other girls that well and my parents (and Jenny) are out all day, meaning the only option I have for someone to talk to is the same girl I spent most of the working week with.

"Hi Nikki!" Hannah squeaks down the phone to me. "What's up?"

"Virtually nothing," I laugh. "Hence why I called... You free to get a coffee?"

"Ah, I was going to hang out with Charlotte and Dannii," Hannah grimaces, making me shiver at the mention of Dannii's name. "You're free to join us until Sarah gets off work, though."

"Not a good idea," I say. "Dannii and me... There's... Been kind of an 'incident'."

"Oh no," Hannah says. "What did she do?" I can't help but chuckle as Hannah immediately- and correctly- assumes that the incident is entirely Dannii's fault.

"Came onto me after the shoot yesterday," I say bluntly, making Hannah gasp. "I may... I may have slapped her..."

"Was- was she being forceful?" Hannah asked, clearly shocked by the news.

"Not physically," I say. "Emotionally, yes... She actually sent a text to Sarah telling her that we HAD had sex."

"That- that's just evil," Hannah whispers. "I mean, I knew she was- I knew she was- but THAT!?"

"PLEASE don't tell her I told you when you see her," I ask.

"Of course not," Hannah replies. "Are- are you and Sarah okay? You said you were falling out..."

"We're fine," I say with a smile. "Better than fine, in fact."

"Good!" Hannah squeaks. "The cutest couple in our group is NOT breaking up over something like that!"

"Not for a long time," I say, before correcting myself. "Not EVER."

"Good!" Hannah squeaks again. "I got to go now, got to pick up Charlotte and the harlot! Enjoy your V-Day!"

"Will do," I say with a smile as Hannah ends the call. I spend the rest of the morning and early afternoon catching up on prep work for next week- mostly accompanying Hannah on shoots, yet again- before heading out at 5pm to pick up Sarah from work.

"Hey, beautiful," Sarah says, giving me a kiss as she slides into the passenger seat of my car.

"Hey, gorgeous," I say with a smile. "So what's the plan, we'll meet Katie and Lauren and then head back to yours for our Valentine's meal?"

"Ugh, I hate Valentine's Day," Sarah sighs, catching me by surprise.

"Uh, sorry?" I ask.

"Oh, don't get me wrong," Sarah says, smiling warmly at me. "It's not you... It's not really me either, heh. I just don't get why there's one day a year when we should celebrate our love... We should do that 365 days a year. What the hell's so special about February 14th, other than it's exactly half-way between Christmas and Easter?" I can't help but giggle at Sarah's bluntness.

"You DO have a point," I say.

"AND our last two Valentines have sucked," Sarah says. "Last year I was physically ill, this year I'm mentally ill-"

"You are NOT mentally ill!" I interrupt.

"-And Dannii threatened to screw up our relationship two years in a row," Sarah finishes. "So yeah, the week ending February 14th: Not good memories for me. Not like, say, October 22nd."

"Our anniversary," I giggle.

"Or March 9th- the first time we had sex," Sarah continues. "Or ESPECIALLY May 16th!"

"Best day of my life so far," I whisper.

"And of mine," Sarah says, leaning in to give me a kiss on my cheek. "So how about, instead of changing into fancy dresses and cooking expensive food that'll probably not get eaten, we instead just head home, watch Netflix together on the sofa and spend the rest of the evening in each other's arms?"

"That sounds PERFECT," I say. "Okay, it's what we do most nights... But it's STILL perfect."

"Hehe," Sarah giggles. "I love you so much... Have you tuned the radio yet in this thing?"

"Nah, don't like listening to music whilst I'm driving, kinda distracts me," I say.

"More than discussing our plans for the night?" Sarah teases. "Hang on, let me find Capital..."

'Close your eyes,' the radio suddenly blares. 'Give me your hand, darling... Can you feel my heart beating?'

"Do you understand...?” Sarah sings along.

"Do you feel the same?" I join in.

"Am I only dreaming," we both sing in time with the music. "Or is this burning, an eternal flame..."

"From now on, that's OUR song," Sarah says after the song finishes and moves onto a different tune.

"Absolutely," I say. Before the next song has the chance to end, we pull up outside our usual coffee shop, heading inside to find Katie and Lauren already present. Lauren's wearing a winter coat over one of her fancy dresses- clearly on her way to a Valentine's date with her boyfriend- whilst Katie, who's newly single, is dressed similarly to me.

"Hey girlies," I say, greeting both girls with hugs.

"Sarah's already explained that the message was a lie," Katie says. "I can't believe I ever trusted that girl..."

"I can't believe I've been friends with her for six and a half years," Lauren moans. "I mean, yes, I knew she had a hard time taking no for an answer, but this..."

"How long has she- you know- about you?" Katie asks.

"At least a year," I moan, sitting down as Sarah buys us drinks. "Maybe longer. She forced a kiss on me this time last year, I made it clear I wasn't interested, she obviously didn't listen..."

"That is SO her," Lauren sighs. I go to respond, before being interrupted by a voice I'd hoped not to hear again for a long time.

"Hey girlies!" Dannii squeaks, giving Katie and Lauren hugs. "Quick coffee before we-" Dannii freezes when she looks up and sees me sat next to Katie, with Sarah on her way back from the counter with our drinks.

"Hey Dannii, you lying bitch," Sarah calmly says as she sits down between me and Lauren. Dannii's bottom lip begins to quiver as she realises just how deep a hole she's dug for herself with her actions.

"Just- just how could you, Dannii?" Katie asks with a look of sheer disgust in her eyes.

"She slapped me!" Dannii pleads, pointing directly at my face.

"If it was me I'd have decked you," Katie snarls, bringing tears to Dannii's eyes.

"Lauren, please, tell them!" Dannii squeals, drawing attention from the other patrons.

"Tell them what, exactly?" Lauren asks. "'This isn't really you', 'you had a moment of madness'? I thought I knew you, Dannii."

"You DO know me!" Dannii blubs. "We've been friends forever!"

"You need help," Sarah says stoically. "Fortunately, my mum's a psychiatrist, she's more than capable of giving you an initial assessment." This statement catches not only Dannii, but myself, Katie and Lauren by surprise.

"Wh- what?" I ask.

"Dannii," Sarah sighs, standing up to face the tall girl. "What you did was EVIL. It was despicable and selfish... And clearly not the actions of a right-thinking person. But I can forgive you."

"Wh-wh-why?" Dannii stammers.

"Because we're friends," Sarah says. "At least... We used to be. But I'd like to think that we can be friends again, someday soon." Sarah holds out her hand, making me shake my head in disbelief.

"Sa-Sarah..." I whisper.

"Life's too short to hold a grudge," Sarah says. "So I choose not to." Dannii hesitantly take's Sarah’s hand and shakes it, a smile of relief creeping across her face.

"I... I can forgive you too," I say, standing up and also shaking Dannii's hand. "I- I'm sorry for the last thing I did to you with this hand..." Much to my relief, Dannii giggles before sitting down next to Lauren.

"Apology accepted," Dannii whispers, her voice full of emotion. "I- I'm sorry, I don't know-"

"Apology accepted," Sarah whispers. "Like I said... It'll be a while before I see you as a friend again. But I'm willing to try if you are. Here's my mum's number- she's expecting your call sometimes next week."

"Thanks," Dannii says, taking the scrap of paper from Sarah's fingers.

"Okay," Lauren announces. "Now that THAT'S done, you'll have to excuse me, as I have a hot date with a hot man that will hopefully turn into an EXTRA hot night!"

"High school sweethearts," Katie sighs after the short, curvy girl as she leaves. "Am I right, Snikki?"

"Doesn't matter where you meet, as long as you never let them go," Sarah says, leaning into my cuddle.

"There's a guy out there for you," I say. "For BOTH of you. Unless, you know, you'd rather..."

"Oh, no no no," Katie says defensively. "I'm strictly BOYS ONLY!"

"Me too," Dannii says, grinning across at Katie's forgiving face. "Unless, of course, it was the right girl..."

"I know that feeling all too well," Sarah sighs.

"We'd better get going too," Katie says. "Charlotte's invited us over to keep her and Hannah company... And yes, I will go home and finish off some coursework at the end of the night, MUM!"

"Hehe," I giggle as Katie playfully sticks her tongue out at me.

"And I don't want to keep you from your Valentine's date," Dannii sighs. "Sorry for ruining it two years in a row... And I WILL call your mum, I promise."

"I'll see you round," Sarah says, giving Dannii an awkward hug as the tall girl departs with Katie.

"Well, it's hardly the happiest of endings, but I guess it'll do," I sigh.

"Nah, it's a perfectly happy ending," Sarah laughs as we head back to my car. "Know why?"

"Because we're together?" I say, making Sarah giggle and give me a long, deep kiss.

"Spot on," Sarah whispers. "My perfect soulmate." I smile and kiss Sarah one more time before driving home through the crowded London streets. Our relationship has faced its toughest test yet, and passed with flying colours. Never have I been more certain that Sarah and I are destined to be together until the end of time... And a mere seventeen days from now, once I turn eighteen, I'll be able to take the first step to making that official.

"Sarah Phillips," I mouth to myself out of view of my lover. "Will you marry me?"

Sure, we'll both still be teenagers, we'll both still be living with our parents and neither of us will be mega-rich, but like the radio in my car sings as we drive home- 'All You Need Is Love'- and that is all I need.

"Seventeen days," I whisper to myself as we head back home.

“Happy birthday!” Everybody in the packed ballroom yells at the top of their lungs. I can’t help but giggle at some of the bizarre costumes being worn by some of the party attendees, myself included- there are very few places you could get away with wearing a skin-tight green thong leotard, a pair of brown booty shorts and combat boots, but a videogame-themed birthday party is one of those occasions.

“Hey Miss Croft,” Sarah giggles as she gives me a tight cuddle. “Want to go and ‘raid’ me a drink?” I smile as Sarah adjusts her own tight white top and loose over shirt.

“Sure thing, Miss Croft!” I laugh, giving my soulmate a quick kiss before heading over to the bar. Before I can get said drinks, however, I’m intercepted by yet ANOTHER Lara Croft.

“Ah ah ah, MISS Thomas,” Katie laughs. “You’re not eighteen for another, oh, three hours and fifty-two minutes, which means I’M getting the drinks for now!”

“Oh whatever,” I laugh as Katie grabs two glasses of champagne for herself and Sarah, and a tall glass of lemonade for me. “I’m designated driver so can’t drink anyway, so there!” Katie giggles as we return to Sarah, drinks in hand, where we’re soon joined by Lauren, who’s eschewed a Lara Croft costume in favour of a blue Chinese-style dress and white knee-high boots.

“Spinning Bird Kick!” Lauren laughs as she attempts a fouette in her elaborate costume.

“This is a GREAT party,” Katie says. “I’m surprise Jamie’s boyfriend actually invited us, how old is he now, 24, 25?”

“25,” I say. “And why wouldn’t he invite us? We’re part of a larger family now, enjoy the fame while it lasts!”

“Oh believe me, I AM!” Katie laughs, taking a swig of her strong-smelling drink. “I love my new family!” The four of us giggle as we stare out at our ‘family’, though a part of me can’t help but feel bad for the missing fifth girl of our group. It doesn’t take long to spot her- in her platform boots she stands taller than anyone else in the room, boy OR girl- but as I catch sight of her in her bright white wig and tight purple leotard, I remember exactly what she did- or rather, tried to do- to myself and Sarah, and the anger I feel for her returns in one almost nauseating wave.

It’s been over two weeks since Dannii tried to split up myself and Sarah, and whilst Sarah may have forgiven her- and Dannii, to her credit, HAS begun seeing Sarah’s mother in a professional capacity- my hatred for her has only increased. And I’m not alone- Katie flat-out refuses to talk to the girl, having always taken betrayal VERY badly, and Lauren- who’s known Dannii since they were both eleven- barely talks to her anymore. However, Dannii, being Dannii, has found a way to land on her feet- her relationship with the other members of the ‘extended family’ is unchanged, and nowadays it’s as if she’s more ‘Angel’ then ‘Teen Angel’.

Sarah and I only stick around for another hour and a half before I drive us both home- Sarah has college tomorrow, I have work tomorrow morning… And something else that I need to save my energy for too!

“Five seconds,” Sarah giggles as she stares at her phone later in the night. “Four, three, two, one…” I hear a faint beep from her phone, and my heart beats faster as I immediately realise the significance of the noise.

“It is now officially Tuesday the third of March, 2015,” Sarah announces. “Happy birthday, Miss Adult!” I giggle excitedly as Sarah gives me a long, slow kiss on my lips. Now that I’m eighteen, the world has completely opened its doors to me. Everything I wanted to do yesterday, I can do today- things like watch an 18-rated movie, buy and drink alcohol, legally arrange a sex change operation… or get engaged without my parents’ permission. As Sarah dives her hands underneath the cover, my heart begins to pound and my imagination runs wild- is she reaching for her engagement ring now, not wanting to waste any time?

Ultimately, what she reaches for ISN'T an engagement ring- though as we both disappear below the covers, I manage to put all thoughts of weddings and engagements out of my mind for one brief, orgasmic moment...

When my alarm wakes me up at 6:45am, I roll over in bed and am momentarily confused when Sarah isn’t there, but my confusion quickly turns to shock when my bedroom light is snapped on, the sudden brightness nearly blinding me.

“Happy birthday!” Mum, dad and Sarah simultaneously yell, covering me with streamers and balloons before handing me a huge, HUGE pile of presents and cards.

“Oh my god, thank you all so much!” I squeak.

“Don’t hold back, open them!” Dad laughs. “You only turn eighteen once…” Mum suddenly disappears, only to return seconds later with a giggling Jenny in her arms.

“Say happy birthday to your big sister, Jenny!” Mum giggles, waving Jenny’s arm at me as the tiny infant gurgles happily.

“Thanks, little sister!” I laugh as I start opening my presents. Exactly two years ago to the day- my last ‘significant’ birthday- I opened packages that included football merchandise, boy’s clothes, shaving kits… Today’s presents are much better. Sarah’s made me three new dresses, two skirts and a fashionable leotard, mum’s bought me tons of make-up, perfume and nail polish, and dad- being a MAN- has got me vouchers for such treats as spa days and professional makeovers. I even have a couple of special gifts- just silly little things like pink, fairy-themed hair clips- labelled ‘from Jenny’!

“This is all so amazing,” I blub as tears start to well in my eyes. “Thank you all so, so much!”

“My little girl has finally become a woman,” dad says with pride as he gives me a long, fatherly hug. “When you first, well, ‘changed’, two years ago, I honestly didn’t know whether or not it was what you truly wanted, but ever since, you’ve made me prouder and prouder every day. I love you, Nicola.”

“I didn’t think it was possible,” mum says, handing Jenny to dad so she can give me a hug of her own, “but I love you more and more every day, and I am so proud to see what you’ve accomplished in just eighteen short years. You were the best son ever, and now you’re the best daughter ever. Well, joint best!” I giggle as tears start to flow freely down my cheeks, before Sarah sits down on the edge of my bed and takes my hand in hers.

“I’ve always loved you, and I always will,” Sarah says, giving me a quick kiss. “There’s one more present I need to give you today…” My heart starts to race and I almost wet myself with nerves as Sarah reaches into her dressing gown and retrieves a jewellery box, though my excitement dwindles when it becomes immediately apparent that the box DOESN’T contain a ring. Still though, I gasp with delight when I open the box to reveal a beautiful silver watch.

“It’s perfect,” I whisper, giving my soul mate a tight, loving hug. “This is the best birthday EVER!”

“Give it a chance, it’s hardly even started yet!” Dad laughs. “And don’t you have work today?”

“Yes, yes,” I laugh, giving all of my family- Jenny included- hugs as I head into the shower to get ready for the day. As the hot water cascades over my womanly body, however, I can’t help but feel disappointed- right then and there, in front of my family, would have been the perfect time for Sarah and I to cement our love… Except, of course, the engagement isn’t just about ME, it’s about HER too, and she’d want it to take place in front of HER family as well… Luckily, Sarah’s mother is coming to my birthday meal tonight, so in all likelihood, the engagement will happen then.

I have a happy grin on my face as I pull on my trademark white blouse, black tights and short, butt-hugging skirt ahead of today’s work. Good things come to those who wait, and as I kiss Sarah goodbye outside her college, I know I won’t have to wait TOO much longer for my dream to come true- just until tonight…

I somehow manage to put thoughts of my impending engagement out of my mind as I pull up outside the posh suburban house of today’s ‘charge’.

“Hey there, birthday girl!” A familiar thick Belfast accent greets me before the owner of the voice emerges from her house, carrying her infant daughter in a car’s child seat.

“Hi Mary,” I say, before giggling in the face of the squirming infant. “Hey there, Kristina-Leigh! Is Heavenly Talent’s littlest model ready for her shoot?”

“Sure, she won’t even realise what it is we’re doing, not for a few months anyway,” Mary sighs as we load the car seat into my car, securely fastening it so that it doesn’t move an inch throughout the journey. “All she’ll know is that she’ll spend the day wearing loads of different cute outfits.”

“Sounds like modelling to me,” I joke, laughing as Mary gives me a playful whack with one of her daughter’s teddy bears.

“She’s done more modelling than I have the past six months anyway,” Mary chuckles. “Will be great to actually get back in front of the cameras again…”

“Oh come on, you’ve got the most important job in the world, surely?” I laugh.

“Well- yeah,” Mary laughs. “Being a wife and mother is MUCH more fulfilling than being a model. And, I suppose any parent will want their child to surpass them… Just didn’t expect that to happen within the first eight months of her life!” Mary and I (and, technically, Kristina-Leigh) all giggle excitedly as we head towards our destination in the centre of the city.

“Mary,” I ask cautiously. “About being a wife… What was it like, you know, when Dan proposed to you?”

“Ah,” Mary sighs, though not with the happy voice I was expecting. “That- that’s- well, let’s just say it didn’t go EXACTLY the way I’d imagined…” I wince, realising I’ve touched upon an overly-sensitive subject.

“Sorry,” I mumble. “If you don’t want to talk about this-“

“No, no, it’s okay,” Mary says with a smile. “Basically, we got engaged about 30 minutes after I discovered I was pregnant with that little star… Not that I regret any second of it, of course. Being with Dan’s been amazing, and I wouldn’t give up a second with Kristina-Leigh for all the money in the world. Why are you asking, anyway? You and Sarah aren’t getting hitched, are you?”

“Well…” I say, making Mary laugh excitedly.

“Sure, why are you thinking about marriage?” Mary laughs. “You’re both only eighteen! Only just in your case!”

“I know, but I’ve been with her for three and a half years,” I sigh. “…And I know she owns an engagement ring."

“Oh my god!” Mary squeaks excitedly. “Aww, that would be SO cute, a wedding with two utterly BEAUTIFUL brides… I’m calling dibs on Kristina-Leigh being flower girl!”

“My sister’s going to be the flower girl!” I giggle, making Mary laugh loudly. “Sarah’s sister will be hers, assuming she isn’t too old by then- I think she’s eight or nine now…”

“Flower girls have to be under four, that’s an unwritten rule,” Mary laughs. “My three year old niece was mine at my wedding, damn near threatened to show me up… Do you have an engagement ring for Sarah?” I nod, making Mary laugh excitedly once again. “And with you both being eighteen, both being adults… You could ask each other whenever you wanted?”

“I’m hoping tonight,” I say with a smile, making Mary smile happily.

The photoshoot stretches on until just after 2pm, with Kristina-Leigh getting increasingly agitated toward the end of the day despite all the cute clothes she gets to wear (and gets to take home). After dropping the proud mother and her daughter back home (and demanding that they put in a good word to get Jenny some modelling work), I head home, tired from a hard day’s work. I open my front door expecting to find mum and Jenny alone, only to get the shock of my life as I enter the living room.

“Surprise!” Mum, dad and Sarah all yell- along with all four of my grandparents, Katie, Lauren, and even Jamie and her boyfriend.

“Oh my god, what are you guys doing here?” I squeak as my family and friends bombard me with hugs and yet more presents.

“What, I’m not allowed to celebrate the fact that I now have an adult grandchild?” Grandpa Bill laughs. “As if I didn’t feel ancient already…” Just wait until your grandchild gets married… I think to myself with a smile.

“Now come on, get these presents open!” Grandma Irene says, directing me to the couch where I’m given gift after gift. I eagerly tear into my gifts- more clothes, vouchers for clothes store, make-up, jewellery, shoes, loads of books and DVDs about dance & fashion. Jamie doesn’t stick around long- she and her boyfriend are busy assembling a girl band for two of our friends- but she hands me all the presents from the Angels, including two pairs of pointe shoes- one red, one black- from Krystie, which I immediately change into, performing a few steps to the delight of the assembled crowd.

Eventually, I change out of my pointe shoes and my work gear and into one of the dresses Sarah made for me- a shimmering, knee-length purple gown with a high neck, but a cut-out front that shows off a decent amount of cleavage. The skirt has three separate layers to it that swish around my nylon-covered legs with every step I take- especially once I’ve slipped my feet into the matching 4” stiletto heels. The sleeves are sheer, almost completely transparent, and the whole gown is one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen… Until I see Sarah in her dress, a shiny, silver strapless gown with a tight, laced-in waist and a straight, knee-length skirt. After we both put on our poshest make-up and style our hair- mine into long waves, Sarah into a tight updo- we look into each other’s eyes and sigh happily.

“How about we just skip dinner?” I whisper, gently kissing Sarah’s deep crimson lips.

“Think we might get in trouble if we do that,” Sarah laughs, returning my kiss.

“Whatever, we’re both adults, they can’t ground us anymore…” I giggle, kissing Sarah deeply before we both grab our handbags and head downstairs to where our cars are waiting. All through the short car journey, whenever Sarah isn’t looking, I slip my hand into my bag, gently fiddling with the small ring box I keep in there at all times. Tonight, just after Sarah asks, I’ll give her this ring…

“Ladies and gentlemen,” dad announces after we all take our seats. “Eighteen years ago today, Sandra and I were blessed with the greatest gift the world could ever give to us. It’s safe to say that on that dreary day [check this] in March 1997, I never imagined that that tiny little boy would grow up to be a beautiful, confident, intelligent woman… But I’m so, so glad that SHE did, and I’m so, so proud to be able to say that I am the father of the wonderful young woman- not a girl anymore, but a young woman- whose name is Nicola Christine Thomas.” Tears flow freely from my eyes with every word my dad says, even though I can tell from some of my grandparents’ facial expressions that they really didn’t want to be reminded about my ‘past’.

“On a related note,” mum says, “I’d like to also state what a privilege it’s been over these last eighteen years to watch my little boy mature into a perfect young lady, and how terrifying it is to suddenly find myself as the mother of an adult!” I laugh through my tears, before getting up and giving both my parents long, loving hugs.

“You may be an adult now,” mum says as she tightly wraps her arms around me, “but you’re never too old for a hug from your mum!” I giggle further, accepting another hug from my mum, before Sarah stands up and approaches me, gently taking my soft, smooth hands in hers.

“Nikki,” Sarah says, her voice wavering with emotion. “When I first met you, three and a half years ago, I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel the way I feel about you. Every part of my heart, mind, body and soul belongs to you, now and forever.” My hands starts to shake as Sarah takes a deep breath. This is it…

“Nicola Christine Thomas,” Sarah says hesitantly. “…I love you for all eternity.” Sarah leans in and gives me a long, soft kiss that I happily reciprocate, but the only thing I’m feeling right now is confusion. She said that entire preamble… Just to tell me that she loves me? Something we say to each other several times a day? Was- was she going to propose, but chickened out at the last moment? Maybe if I ask…

“Three cheers for Nikki!” Dad yells, leading the entire table in a round of ‘hip-hip-hooray’s. I sit back down, hand in hand with Sarah as our starters are wheeled out to us, and I sigh, knowing that ‘the moment’ has passed- at least for now.

After a large meal, I bid farewell to all the partygoers (including hugs for all four grandparents) before getting in the back of Beverly’s car, my hand still linked with Sarah’s.

“So, how was your first day of adult life, Nikki?” Beverly asks with a chuckle.

“Not that much different from the last day of childhood,” I say, making the middle-aged woman laugh louder. “Thanks for the gifts, by the way.”

“Least I could do,” Beverly says. “I know your parents view Sarah as effectively one of their own, and the same applies to me.”

“Thanks,” I repeat as Sarah rests her tired head on my shoulder.

“Pity your ‘effective half-siblings’ couldn’t come,” Sarah sighs. “Damned dragon…”

“Eh, I knew it was a long shot when I asked them,” I say. A brief, uncomfortable pause fills the car as I remember the other tall, blonde member of the ‘close family’ who wasn’t at the birthday dinner.

“Still, at least everyone else important could come,” I say with a smile, though the look on Sarah’s face tells me that she doesn’t fully agree with me.

Still, as we climb into bed, we both have happy, contented looks on our faces, especially as we snuggle our tired bodies close to each other.

“I-“ Sarah says, punctuating her words with kisses. “Love- You!” I giggle as I kiss Sarah back and hold her tighter, not wanting to EVER let her go.

“Sarah, what you said today, at the meal…” I say hesitantly.

“…What about it?” Sarah asks. I take a deep breath and mentally prepare myself, but everything that comes into my brain immediately flows straight out, every way I think of wording the question- ‘were you going to propose?’ ‘Were you going to ask something else?’ ‘Is that all you wanted to say?’- Every single way seems inadequate. I haven’t been this incapable of forming my words since- since before I came out to my parents. But that turned out okay…

“…Thank you,” I whisper, kissing Sarah and cursing my own cowardice as I close my eyes and slowly fall asleep. There’s still the ‘Angel’ party on Thursday, Sarah could always propose then…

“We are gathered here today,” the minister announces, “to join these two women in the bonds of marriage.” I stare into Sarah’s eyes and grin a wide, toothy grin as we link hands and wait for the minister to continue… But he doesn’t. The entire dream- the minister, the people in the church, even Sarah herself- freezes and begins to blur, to fade into a dull grey as I wake up, my body still entwined with Sarah’s, but still something feels wrong- her body feels stiff, almost frozen… As does mine…

“Ahh!” I yell as I wake up for real, inadvertently waking up Sarah as well.

“What?” Sarah asks. “What is it?”

“N- nothing,” I sigh. “Just a bad dream… What time is it?”

“Just gone 4am,” Sarah sighs, re-wrapping her arms around my body. “Try to get back to sleep, we’ve got a long day tomorrow…” I nod, giving Sarah a quick kiss before resting my head back down on the pillow, but my sleep for the rest of the night is fitful, and I’m utterly exhausted as I wake up. Fortunately, I only need to apply a light layer of make-up- just enough to cover my tiredness- and casual clothes (black tights, a knee-length denim skirt, a lilac hoodie and flats) as today, for the first time in a while, I’m actually doing some modelling.

After a quick breakfast, Sarah (who’s also casually dressed and made-up) and I hop in her car and head to the offices of Teen Globe Magazine, where we’re greeted by Katie and Lauren… and also Dannii.

“Hey girlies!” Dannii says- though without her usual over-the-top enthusiasm and (thankfully) without any hugs for me or for Sarah.

“Hey,” Sarah says with a forced smile. “Hope this won’t take too long, got coursework I’m supposed to be doing today…”

“Same here,” Katie says. “Though it’s nice to actually get in front of the camera, we ARE being paid to be the ‘Teen Angels’ after all…”

“Even though most of us are now technically adults!” Lauren- who’s still only seventeen- teases.

“It was a GREAT night last night,” Katie gushes as the five of us head to our dressing room. I can’t help but wince at the sad look in Dannii’s face as Katie mentions the meal- and I wince even more at the smug look Katie shoots Dannii. Up until the ‘incident’ last month- which happened in a dressing room not unlike the one I find myself now- Dannii was very much the ‘alpha girl’, the ‘leader’ of our group. Now, following her ‘fall from grace’, Dannii is very much at the bottom of the ‘pecking order’ with many (myself and Katie included) wishing she wasn’t on the ‘pecking order’ at all. However, this HAS left a space at the top of said ‘order’… And Katie clearly wants to fill that space with herself.

Of course, any infighting gets forgotten once we’re in front of the cameras, especially with the photoshoot we’re doing today- 2015 marks the 25th anniversary of Teen Globe, so we’re doing a series of photoshoots focussing on teen fashion and lifestyle from 1990, when the magazine was launched- so flared skirts, leotards, leg warmers and big hairstyles are the order of the day today. We also have future photoshoots lined up where we’ll be ‘displaying’ even older fashions- going back in increments of 25 years, so we have the 1965 look- miniskirts, beehive hairstyles- as well as 1940, 1915 and even the tight corsets and hot, heavy dresses of 1890 to look forward to in the coming weeks. I won’t deny that I’m really, REALLY looking forward to those photoshoots, to get to experience (however briefly) what it was like to be a young woman in those time periods, especially- with the possible exception of 1990 and MAYBE 1965- if I’d been born in those times, it’s something I’d never have been able to experience at all. As much as I look forward to the fashion element of the photoshoots, though, the thought of spending any more long periods with Dannii- even if the rest of the girls will be present- is seriously dampening my enthusiasm.

“So then, girlies,” Dannii says cautiously as we remove our excessive make-up and change back into our regular clothes, “who’s up for a late lunch?” I gaze intently at the floor as the dressing room is filled with an awkward silence.

“I, um, need to get home and finish off coursework,” Lauren mumbles, immediately wiping the smile off the face of her former best friend.

“Me too,” Katie says more firmly, staring straight into Dannii’s eyes as she left.

“…Guys?” Dannii asks, though I can tell from her body language that she already know what the answer will be.

“Coursework too,” Sarah says with an almost upset voice.

“I already agreed to help Sarah and Lauren so I’m out too,” I say, making Dannii almost cry as she grabs her bag and leaves. I can’t help but feel sorry for the tall girl as she slinks away alone, but as much as she may try to make amends, she DID bring it all on herself. Lauren’s gone into detail in the past about how Dannii, as the only child of a wealthy family, is used to getting her own way- now the time has come for her to learn how to accept people saying ‘no’ to her.

“You know,” Sarah sighs as she drives Lauren and I back to her house, “I do feel kinda sorry for her, in a way…”

“After what she tried to do to you guys?” Lauren spits. “Twice!? If she tried to steal Michael from me I’d rip her hair out…”

“I’m surprised she’s never tried,” I spit.

“Dannii only dates guys who are over eighteen,” Lauren sighs. “Though Michael IS turning eighteen next month… I swear, if she DOES try anything then, it won’t be just her hair that gets ripped out…”

“Whoa, getting a little graphic, aren’t we?” Sarah says. “You two used to be the absolute best of friends, none of us would even know Dannii if it wasn’t for you…”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Lauren chuckles. “Anyway, in happier news, I’m going to need a new dress soon!”

“For Michael’s birthday?” I ask, making the dark-haired girl giggle happily.

“Okay then,” Lauren laughs. “TWO new dresses! Teen Globe aren’t the only ones celebrating their 25th anniversary this year, my mum and dad got married in May 1990 and they’re having a huge silver anniversary celebration… Can’t not show up in one of my best designs!”

“Isn’t it also YOUR eighteenth birthday in May?” Sarah asks.

“THREE new dresses?” I ask Lauren, who simply chuckles and shakes her head.

“No, your girlfriend’s making me my birthday dress, just like she did for you!” Lauren replies. “Hope you’re not TOO jealous…”

“Nah, jealousy has no place in our relationship,” I say, making Sarah smile happily at me. “How old were your folks when they got married? I thought they were only in their forties…”

“They are,” Lauren confirms. “Dad was twenty, mum was nineteen, wasn’t even pregnant… They met at secondary school, stayed together ever since. They were each other’s first love and they’ll be their last love.” Lauren giggles happily before continuing. “Remind you of anyone?” I smile at Sarah again, who giggles bashfully as we pull up outside her house. I spend the rest of the afternoon as a human clothes horse as Sarah and Lauren fit and re-fit various items of clothing around my feminine body- I ‘model’ dresses, skirts, even a bright red swimsuit before Lauren heads home just after 6pm.

“Such a cool story about Lauren’s parents,” I laugh as I cuddle up next to Sarah on her sofa.

“Your own parents aren’t that far off their 25th anniversary, aren’t they?” Sarah asks. “Better than my own parents, who are coming up to the fifteenth anniversary of their DIVORCE…”

“Aww,” I giggle, before taking a deep breath- this is the ‘in’ I’ve been looking for for almost 36 hours… “If we ever get married, I promise we’ll NEVER get divorced!”

“Hehe,” Sarah giggles. “Plenty of time to think about that in the future…” Ooh, you little tease, I think to myself. Yes, there IS plenty of time to think about that in the future... It still doesn’t explain why you currently own an engagement ring with my name engraved on it…

“In all seriousness,” I say, “Where do you see us, ten years from now? I mean, we’ll both be 28, we’ll both have big, successful careers, but…”

“Of COURSE we’ll still be together!” Sarah says, wrapping her arms around my neck and giving me a long, deep kiss. “I’ve told you a million times, I’m not interested in ‘boys’ or ‘girls’, I’m only interested in YOU!” I laugh as I return Sarah’s kiss, which quickly becomes heavier and heavier, until we find ourselves in Sarah’s bedroom, our clothes soon finding their way to her floor…

We head downstairs when we hear Beverly return from work- we are once again fully clothed, albeit wearing each other’s tights (an idea Sarah came up with a while ago and now something we regularly do after daytime sex).

“Hi girls!” Beverly says as we head into the kitchen to help prepare dinner. “Or should I say ‘women’?”

“Believe me when I say that either is fine!” I giggle. “Good day at work?”

“You should know I can’t tell you about that,” Beverly laughs. “Patient confidentiality and so forth… How was your day? Big 90s shoot today, wasn’t it?”

“Yep,” Sarah says happily. “Ridiculous hair, ridiculous clothes, ridiculous make-up… You’d have been right at home!”

“Oi!” Beverly laughs, giving her daughter a playful shove. “Though to be fair, I WAS more or less your age in 1990… And yes, I did have more than a few fashion ‘events’!” Sarah and I both giggle as Beverly recalls tales of her youth over dinner, though when Sarah goes upstairs for a quick bathroom break, my mood suddenly gets very serious.

“Beverly,” I say nervously. “Can- can I talk to you about something, please? Something private…”

“Of course,” Beverly says. “I’m guessing it’s about Sarah, given that she’s just left the room…”

“It is,” I say. “Beverly, she… She owns an engagement ring, one with my name engraved on it.” Beverly gasps with shock- clearly this is BIG news to her, just as it was to me.

“Has- has she-“ Beverly asks.

“Not yet,” I say, shaking my head. “I was expecting it last night, but obviously it didn’t happen…”

“Do- do you have a ring too?” Beverly asks, nearly collapsing in her chair when I nod my head.

“Obviously, I can’t tell Sarah about this, not yet…” I whisper.

“You NEED to tell her,” Beverly insists, before we both abruptly shut up as Sarah descends the stairs.

“Should my ears be burning?” Sarah giggles as she sits back down next to me, wrapping my arm around her slender frame.

“You tell me,” Beverly playfully snorts. “You’re the one who stuck an earring through the top part of it…” Sarah laughs as she flicks back her ponytail, showing off the small gold ring she had ‘installed’ in her ear just after Christmas.

“I mean,” Beverly continues, “that’s what, two in each lobe, one in the top of your left ear, your left nostril, your navel… Anywhere else you feel like putting a piece of jewellery?” I smile at Beverly as she drops her subtle hint.

“Still thinking about tongue,” Sarah giggles. “Krystie had that done, think she’s got at least ten piercings…”

“You are NOT getting your tongue pierced,” Beverly says, before letting out an amused sigh. “…Though I guess what I said earlier was true, you are both adults now and can legally do whatever you want… Just as long it’s something you know you BOTH want to do.” Sarah and I both giggle as we stare deep into each other’s eyes before sharing another tender kiss. We head to bed shortly afterward, where we snuggle up close to each other in our usual manner.

“Were you serious when you talked about getting your tongue pierced?” I ask my already heavily-pierced lover.

“Eh, maybe,” Sarah says. “Mainly just said it to put the wind up mum… Unless, of course, you’d prefer me to…”

“Nah, might feel weird when I do this,” I say, thrusting my own tongue into Sarah’s mouth and feeling myself melt as her tongue enters my mouth. We lay there, our mouths entwined, for several minutes before tiredness overtakes us and we once again fall asleep in each other’s arms.

“Hello?” I ask as I stumble around the deserted church, my long wedding dress catching in my heel and sending me crashing to the floor.

“Hello?” I ask again, tears forming in my eyes. “Hello? Is anyone there?” I claw at the floor, trying to pull myself forward, but I remain in place, crying and scratching futilely as the silence threatens to consume me…

I wake with a start, gasping as my eyes dart open, taking in Sarah’s still-slumbering form in the dim dawn light. I try to fall asleep again, but I stay awake right up until Sarah’s alarm goes off just after 7am, waking the beautiful girl from an obviously more restful sleep than my own.

“Morning, sexy!” Sarah giggles, kissing me on the lips before getting up, showering and dressing in her usual college outfit of a black tights, a tight top and a short skirt. Even though 22 months on hormones has dramatically reduced my sex drive, every time I see Sarah getting dressed- or, obviously, undressed- my heart can’t help but flutter with excitement, knowing that this insanely beautiful woman is mine, and only mine. My ‘experience’ with Dannii has shown that I COULD have another girl if I wanted… But I really, really don’t.

“Try not to spend all day in bed, okay?” Sarah giggles, giving me another kiss as I leave.

“Nah, it’s no fun without you in here too,” I say, making my soul mate giggle as she pulls on her shoes, grabs her bag and leaves me alone in the house (Beverly having also left a while earlier). After making myself some breakfast (I still pay Beverly a token amount of rent so I don’t feel TOO guilty about eating their food), I return to Sarah’s bedroom to get dressed- pulling on a very basic floaty knee-length dress and a pair of ribbed black tights- and prepare to head back to my home, before my curiosity gets the better of me, and I pull open Sarah’s underwear drawer once again, looking under the pile of tights where I originally found the engagement ring… To discover that it’s no longer there.

I have a moment of panic as I try to rationalise the missing ring in my mind. Sarah couldn’t have returned it, it was engraved, it couldn’t have been stolen, I like to think I’d have known if she tried to sell it on eBay or Craigslist… There are only two options. Either she’s hidden the ring somewhere else… Or she’s keeping it on her person, as I am with mine. If that’s the case, the proposal could come at ANY time… Like my party at Charlotte’s house tonight…

After I arrive home (and give my baby sister a quick cuddle) I jump straight on my iPad, desperately trying to occupy my mind before the party tonight. Sadly, there’s no one around to talk to- Sarah, Katie and Lauren are all at college, Jamie’s finalising things for the band the agency is putting together and has specifically asked NOT to be interrupted, and all of the other Angels are busy with their lives. The only option is Dannii- who is obviously NOT an option, as much as I need someone to talk to. I open up Facebook, ready to immerse myself in the games, when I get a sudden brainwave- I have an appointment booked in with Dr Williamson next Wednesday, just a regular thing to go over how I’ve been recently, but I have the option of rearranging the appointment if I need to speak to her earlier… And right now, I kind-of do. I give her office a call- speaking to her receptionist rather than the doctor herself, of course- and get myself rebooked in for tomorrow afternoon when I find there aren’t any available appointments today.

“Who were you speaking to, Nikki?” Mum asks as I hang up the phone and make a note of the new appointment on my iPad.

“Oh, um, just my counsellor,” I say, realising that there’s no sense in lying. “Need to speak to her about a few things…”

“Things you can’t talk to your mum about?” My mum laughs, making me blush slightly.

“It’s… Kinda complicated,” I sigh. “It’s about the engagement ring…”

“Yeah, I couldn’t help but notice you and Sarah DIDN’T exchange any rings on Tuesday…” Mum says. “I will admit that part of me is kinda glad that you didn’t, but I know how much you were looking forward to this… Have you spoken to Sarah about this?”

“No,” I whisper. “She doesn’t even know I know about her ring, and she doesn’t know about mine… At least, I THINK she doesn’t… And I know she loves me as much as I love her…” A tear starts to trickle down my cheek and within milliseconds, mum has wrapped me in a tight hug, allowing me to sniffle onto her shoulder.

“She DOES love you,” mum says firmly. “And frankly, if you did get engaged? I WOULD be happy, as would your dad. Yes, you’re far too young to be thinking about marriage, but you two are absolutely perfect for each other. And you’ve got that party tonight, haven’t you?” I nod, making mum smile happily.

“Then stop worrying about a proposal that WILL come eventually and start looking forward to being pampered and treated as the princess you are!” Mum laughs, and I giggle too, my tears slowly drying. After a light dinner, I head up to my bedroom, where- I get ready for the party. As Jamie promised, the theme for the party is ‘as girly as possible’, so I change into a strapless push-up bra and a tight thong, before pulling on a matching garter belt and attaching a pair of sheer pink stockings. I wrap a tight waist cincher around my body and take my already-slim waist in by a few inches, before applying my make-up for the day- hot pink eyeshadow, extra-thick eye liner and HUGE fake eyelashes, followed by a thick fuchsia-coloured lipstick. After plucking my eyebrows and repainting my extra-long fingernails a matching shade of fuchsia, I tie my long brown hair into a high updo and put on my favourite necklaces, earrings, bracelets and rings- well, all my favourites rings apart from the one I REALLY want to wear, anyway.

Finally, I step into my dress, calling my mum up to my room to zip me up at the back. The dress is, of course, one of Sarah’s creations- baby pink, strapless with a boned bodice (showing off a LOT of cleavage) and has a flared knee-length skirt held out by two swishy petticoats. After I slip my feet into a matching pair of 5” heeled stiletto pumps and grab my handbag- which, of course, contains its ‘precious cargo’- I do a quick pose for my mum, who has tears in her eyes.

“Your dress is FAR too low cut,” mum giggles. “But you are truly, truly beautiful. Is Sarah picking you up?”

“She’s meeting me there, I was planning on getting a taxi,” I explain as I slowly descend the stairs in my skyscraper heels. “Yes, that’s because I’m planning on maybe having a drink or two…”

“Yeah, like it’ll be just two,” mum laughs. “Your dad will be back soon, we’ll take you to the party- assuming you don’t mind being driven there by your dorky parents?” I giggle at mum’s teasing as I sit down on the sofa, carefully arranging my skirts around me.

“I’d be honoured,” I say with a smile. Sure enough, dad returns ten minutes later, and- after gasping at my appearance- gives me, mum and Jenny a lift to the party, where I’m greeted by a long kiss from Sarah (who is wearing a similar strapless dress to my own, only in silver)… And I’m blinded by flashbulbs from all the boys at the party (mostly the Angels’ boyfriends) who are posing as paparazzi. I head inside Charlotte’s house where I’m welcomed with hugs from Charlotte and Jamie- both of whom are wearing similarly overtly-feminine dresses, even despite Charlotte being seven months pregnant.

“Who idea was the paparazzi?” I ask as I’m led into the main party room.

“Mine,” Charlotte explains. “I figured what girl wouldn’t want to be treated like an A-lister on her eighteenth birthday?”

“So cool, thank you both so much!” I squeak excitedly.

“You ain’t seen nothing yet!” Jamie yells as all the partygoers greet me with hugs- all apart from Dannii, who has already secluded herself in a corner. I can’t help but notice too that she’s wearing the same dress she wore to my seventeenth birthday party, which had an ‘all things pink’ theme. Like then, Sarah, Katie, Lauren and I are all wearing new, bespoke dresses- as are most of the other partygoers today- but Dannii’s dress was store-bought and very, very plain, especially when compared to the four of us.

“Ladies and not ladies,” Jamie announces as she drags me to the front of the room, “eighteen years and two days ago, a PERSON was born into this world, a person who would on to teach the world a valuable lesson: Never judge a book by HER cover- it’s the woman inside who’s truly important!”

“Ladies and not ladies,” Charlotte announces with a giggle, “I give you MISS Nicola Christine Thomas!” I blush a bright red as the entire party whoops and cheers at the mention of my name.

“Thank you, thank you all!” I squeak happily. “But there’s one person in particular I want to thank… And that’s the woman without whom I wouldn’t be here today. Come on up, you know who you are…” The whole crowd cheers as Sarah steps up to me, cheering even louder as we share a kiss in front of everyone. It’s now or never… I think to myself.

“Sarah,” I say with a quivering voice as I fiddle with the tiny, square box through the fabric of my handbag. “Without you, I truly WOULDN’T be where I am right now, or WHO I am right now. I owe everything to you, my life, my heart, my mind, my body, my soul. I love you with every single atom of my being. Sarah…” I take a deep breath as I gently take my love’s slender hands in mine. “I- I-“ My words catch in my throat and I silently curse my own lack of bravery as the crowd looks on expectantly.

“I love you too,” Sarah says, giving me a long, deep kiss as the boys’ flashbulbs go berserk.

“Now go on!” Charlotte laughs. “I’ve fully stocked the bar with alcohol I obviously can’t drink, so go and get yourself some!” Sarah and I smile contentedly as we stroll over to the bar, where- after showing the bartender my driving licence as proof of my age- I’m served a tall glass of expensive-looking champagne.

“Such a cool party!” Katie laughs as she comes up to me and Sarah with a glass of champagne in her hand- and, judging by the way she’s wobbling on her heels, it’s not her first glass. “Can you turn eighteen every week?”

“Don’t think it works that way!” I laugh.

“For a second there, I thought you were actually going to propose to Sarah!” Katie laughs, making my eyes go wide with both shock and anger.

“Heh,” Sarah laughs, clearly as uncomfortable as I am. “Umm, where are Lauren and Mike?”

“Getting a SOFT drink,” Katie laughs. “Though they’ll both be eighteen soon…”

“Have- have you seen Dannii?” I ask cautiously, before shaking my head. “Actually, you know what? Never mind. Come on, this is a party, time to dance!” Sarah laughs as she follows me to the dance floor, where we stay until our ankles scream for mercy in our torturously high heels, forcing us to one of the sofas at the side of the room. After a while, Sarah gets up to get some drinks (her heels being lower and therefore more comfortable than mine), but I barely have time to sit back and relax before my mentor plops down next to me on the plush sofa.

“Soo,” Jamie giggles as she spreads her own royal blue dress beneath her. “Enjoying YOUR first Angel party?”

“It’s amazing,” I gush. “You and Charlotte went to so much trouble… Too much trouble, actually…”

“Nah,” Jamie laughs. “If I can’t spoil my ‘adopted little sister’ on her eighteenth, when can I? Even if you DID have to go and have a birthday one day after my boyfriend’s…”

“Blame my parents,” I retort, making the clearly-drunk Jamie giggle into her champagne.

“I can’t help but notice, though,” Jamie muses, “that you still have a ring in your handbag and NOT on yours or Sarah’s fingers…”

“Maybe I should’ve started drinking BEFORE I came,” I sigh. “A bit of ‘Dutch Courage’…”

“It’s probably the most important question you’ll ever ask,” Jamie says. “You want a clear head when you’re asking it… Why DID you wimp out, anyway? You and Sarah are clearly meant to be together…”

“Ugh, I dunno,” I sigh. “Just… God, this sounds silly… I always thought she’d propose to me, you know?” Jamie opens her mouth to reply, before abruptly closing it as Sarah returns with our drinks.

“What are you two talking about?” Sarah asks with a giggle.

“Oh, um,” I stammer. “Just trying to get Jenny a recommendation from Jamie, you know, babywear doesn’t model itself!”

“And if Jenny’s even half as talented as her awesome big sister…” Jamie teases. “I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone, got a BOY I need to hang off for a while!” Sarah and I giggle as we wave Jamie off, before snuggling together (as much as our dresses will allow, anyway) on the sofa, where we stay until just after the last partygoers leave after midnight (the party ends early due to it being a weekday).

“This was AMAZING,” I gush as I bid Jamie and Charlotte farewell with tight hugs. “Thank you both so, so much…”

“Okay, okay,” Charlotte laughs as she returns my hug. “Get home and get some sleep, I’ll warn Hannah that you may be a little bit hungover tomorrow!” I giggle excitedly as I climb into the back of the taxi, unsteady on my feet from a combination of both my heels and the alcohol I’ve drank tonight.

“I love you so much,” I sigh, tiredly leaning my head on Sarah’s shoulder. “I wish we could get married…”

“Okay, enough alcohol!” Sarah laughs as it dawns on me EXACTLY what I’d just said.

“Umm, uh- I wasn’t- I wasn’t proposing,” I babble as Sarah simply giggles tiredly.

“I’d hope not,” Sarah says. “half-pissed and in the back of a taxi isn’t the way I’d want to be proposed to, I’d want the works, fireworks, champagne, my whole family around me…” Sarah’s eyes go wide as she suddenly realise what SHE said.

“Umm,” Sarah blathers. “It’s, um, it’s getting late, we should get straight to bed as we get home…”

“Good idea,” I whisper. We spend the rest of the taxi ride in silence, which continues as we stagger through the front door, remove our clothes and make-up and head to bed. Even though we are, as always, both snuggled up against each other, we both immediately fall into a deep sleep.

“Morning, Nikki!” Dad says as I walk down the stairs. “What do you want for breakfast?”

“Umm, what time do I need to be at the church?” I ask as I adjust my pristine white wedding dress.

“Oh, we’re not going to the church today,” dad says, making me immediately upset and frustrated.

“But we NEED to go to the church!” I yell. “I HAVE to go!”

“We’re not going to the church,” dad repeats despite my near-hysterical protests. “Now come on, what do you want for breakfast?” I wince as dad bangs his frying pan on the hob repeatedly, making my head hurt more and more as the dream fades and I open my sore, tired eyes to see the same man from my dream standing over me holding a saucepan, which he’s rhythmically banging with a soup ladle.

“Wakey wakey!” Dad laughs as I moan with pain. “Rise and shine!”

“You’re not funny!” I spit.

“I hate you!” Sarah moans, wrapping my duvet around her head.

“Come on, last working day of the week, up and at ‘em!” Dad says. “I promise I won’t wake you up this way tomorrow…”

“We’re staying at Sarah’s tonight!” I argue, sighing with frustration as dad simply shrugs (though that is at least a relief from the banging).

“Exactly,” dad laughs, giving the saucepan one last bang as Sarah and I stagger out of bed, our heads still throbbing and our hair utterly dishevelled.

“You know,” Sarah muses as I head into the shower, “you actually look kinda sexy with bed hair…”

“Sarah,” I sigh. “About- about what I said in the taxi last night-“

“I can’t remember what you said last night,” Sarah says, though I can immediately tell from her tone of voice she’s lying. “Just- just shower, okay? Need to find an aspirin…” After we both shower (and repair our hair), we dress in our usual outfits for the day- Sarah in her casual college clothes, me in my tight work blouse and skirt- before heading down to my car in total silence. I drop Sarah off at college with the usual lingering kiss, but I can tell from Sarah’s body language that she’s still uncomfortable around me, and for the first time ever, doubt seeps into my mind. If I had asked her to marry me last night… I’m not 100% sure she’d have said yes, and that thought terrifies me. I have a very clear image of my future life- all of my future life. I’ll marry Sarah, we’ll settle down, she’ll be a rich and famous fashion designer, I’ll work in her office. We’ll live together, go on holidays forever, grow old together, maybe even adopt a child. And we’ll always remember the two happiest days of our lives- the day on which we got married and the day on which we got engaged.

“Hey, MISS Thomas!” Hannah says happily as she slides into the back seat of my car. “Hope you’re not still feeling the effects of last night!”

“A little,” I laugh. “Hardly my first hangover… Probably my worst though!”

“You WERE hitting the champagne pretty hard,” Hannah giggles, before sighing. “Nikki… I spoke to Jamie earlier today… When you were talking to Sarah- in front of all of us, I mean- were- were you going to propose?” I blink back tears as I nod my head. “Oh god, Nikki… Why didn’t you?”

“I chickened out,” I mumble. “And now I’m glad I did. I- I’m not sure Sarah would’ve said yes…”

“Oh, Nikki,” Hannah sighs. “Of COURSE she would have! I see the way you two look at each other, you NEED each other. So what if you’re only 18? There has to be a reason that’s the age you can get engaged without parental permission, right? And that reason is because YOU ARE READY.”

“You’re right,” I say, my confidence slowly returning.

“Obviously for now, though, mind on the job!” Hannah says.

“Yes ma’am!” I laugh, mock-saluting as we drive toward the TV studio where Hannah will be ‘at work’ today. After yet another successful interview, I drive Hannah home, before heading to the appointment I booked yesterday with Dr Williamson.

“Hi Nikki,” the friendly middle-aged woman says as I enter her office. “Did you have a good birthday?”

“Yep!” I say happily, before my smile falls as Dr Williamson stares at me expectantly. “Well, not ALL good…”

“I kinda guessed after you called to arrange an earlier meeting,” Dr Williamson says. “And looking at your left hand, I think I understand why. Did- did you ask Sarah, or did she ask you?”

“Neither,” I sigh. “I got up in front of all my friends, said what I wanted to to Sarah, and when it came time to ask I- I just froze.”

“What were you feeling during that time?” Dr Williamson asks. “Right before you were about to ask, I mean.”

“Anxious, nervous,” I reply.

“That’s obviously to be expected,” Dr Williamson chuckles.

“…And afraid,” I say.

“Afraid that Sarah would say no?” Dr Williamson asks, and I nod in response. “It IS a big step, very few eighteen year olds have the emotional maturity to deal with a commitment of this magnitude.”

“Yeah, but there has to be a reason why eighteen is the age when you can get engaged, right?” I ask, repeating Hannah’s earlier argument.

“You know as well as I do, people simply mature at different rates,” Dr Williamson says. “Eighteen’s basically an arbitrary age that was chosen long ago. I’m not saying that you and Sarah are immature, I’m just saying that you need to take time to ensure that this is what you really want.”

“So are you saying that subconsciously, I don’t want to get married?” I ask.

“That’s not EXACTLY what I’m saying, but it is a possibility,” Dr Williamson replies. “Obviously, if I were to give you a recommendation, it would be that you DON’T get engaged at this time- you’re going through a lot of changes as it is right now, with your transition, turning eighteen, you’ll soon be applying for your gender recognition certificate AND beginning to look toward SRS.”

“I wouldn’t want to get married until after my SRS anyway,” I say.

“Good,” Dr Williamson says. “That does tell me that you ARE thinking rationally about the relationship with Sarah, but I think we do need to get to the root of why you froze before you were able to propose to her.”

“I just- I don’t know, I just couldn’t physically force the words out of my mouth,” I sigh. “It’s a scene I’ve played in my mind a hundred times, but when it came to reality, it- it just didn’t happen…”

“Did you want it to happen?” Dr Williamson asks, and I nod in response. “Obviously there was something holding you back, most likely the fear you mentioned earlier. There ARE ways to overcome fear, but obviously it’s not going to be a quick fix…”

I leave the appointment just over an hour later feeling better about myself and my relationship with Sarah, and much less afraid than I was before. I smile as I stride through the waiting room and am greeted by stares from some younger teenagers- some of whom probably recognise me from the irregular column I still write for Teen Globe magazine and some of whom I've corresponded with on occasion. My smile only widens as I drive to Sarah's home and step through her front door.

"It's lucky I've made the decision not to be paranoid anymore," Sarah giggles, greeting me with a soft kiss. "Did you get what you wanted from Dr Williamson?" I grin as I fiddle with the small ring box, still nestled in my handbag.

"Yeah..." I say with a smile. "Yeah, I think I did."

Later that night, I head out with Sarah on our first official 'girls' night out' with Katie and Krystie, Hannah and Viks from the Angels. All six of us are wearing a ton of make-up, a ton of perfume and jewellery, our tiniest clubbing dresses and our highest heels. I keep the engagement ring in my bag, but as the night goes on and I get more and more inebriated, I find myself realising that I don't NEED to propose to Sarah. My dream of a wedding is just that- a dream. And whilst dreams CAN come true, the reality I have now is more than perfect.

The one piece of constant advice I've received from the people I've confided in has been 'Sarah loves you with all her heart'. As we climb into bed together just after 2:30am with our heads buzzing from the alcohol we've consumed, our hands quickly find their way onto the most sensitive parts of each other's body. Gone is the awkwardness of this morning, replaced with feelings of sheer passion that persist until we both collapse from near-exhaustion. When I wake up the following morning, my head may be pounding from a hangover, but my heart is pounding even harder at the feel of the perfect woman snuggled up next to me. I don't NEED to propose to Sarah, all I need IS Sarah... And that means that I have everything I need.

But I am entitled to want more, aren't I?

“Come on, hurry up!” Katie urges Sarah, Lauren and myself as we stand in front of her long mirror, fixing our make-up.

“Oh relax,” Sarah laughs. “It’s not like the night’s going anywhere…”

“Says the woman who’s been eighteen for six months!” Lauren retorts as she applies yet another layer of dark eye shadow. “Some of us have some catching up to do!” I laugh at my three friends as I enhance my own make-up with my thickest, heaviest false eyelashes and deepest red lipstick, smiling at the extremely sexy-looking woman staring back at me in the mirror- especially when she steps back to reveal her cleavage-enhancing black clubbing dress that barely covers her soft, round backside and shows off every inch of her smooth, shiny legs- apart from her feet, which are covered by sky-high stiletto heels. After brushing out my hair to its maximum volume and touching up my lipstick one last time, I grab a shiny pink sash off of Katie’s bed and drape it over Lauren’s shoulders, much to the dark-haired girl’s embarrassment.

“Oh come on,” Lauren sighs. “’18 today?’ It was my birthday ten days ago!”

“Yes,” Katie says, “but this is your first official girls’ night out as an eighteen year old, and that means you wear the sash!”

“FINE,” Lauren laughs, striking a pose as the three of us photograph her for our Instagram accounts.

“It’s so cool that all of us are finally eighteen,” Katie says, leading us downstairs to our waiting taxi. And whilst I agree in part with Katie, I can’t help but notice that she’s forgotten someone.

Even though she’s the oldest-looking- and by far the oldest-acting- of us, Dannii is- or rather, was- the youngest, her birthday still almost a month away. Not that any of my friends care, of course- even Lauren, her former best friend, barely has anything to do with her anymore. The only time we even see Dannii nowadays is when we’re doing ‘Teen Angel’ work, and even that’s few and far between, just the odd photoshoot here and there, certainly no TV work, not even on children’s TV- though with the summer holidays looming, we have been promised a bit more work before Sarah, Katie and Lauren start university next September and effectively bring the ‘Teen Angels’ to an end.

The four of us party long and hard all night, eventually leaving our last club just before 2am, very much the worse for wear for all the alcohol we consume- especially Lauren, who seems determined to make up for the six month age difference she mentioned earlier in a single night and is barely able to stand as we bundle ourselves in the back of a taxi.

“This was so awesome,” Lauren laughs in a barely coherent voice. “You guys are so awesome!”

“YOU’RE awesome!” Sarah drunkenly laughs, giving Lauren a tight hug.

“Careful, you’ll make Nikki jealous!” Katie laughs. Giggling loudly, Sarah releases Lauren and wraps me in a tight embrace, including a long, deep kiss- much to our friends’ delight and the taxi driver’s bemusement!

Both Sarah and I are wobbling and shaking as we quietly step through my front door just after 2:30am, slipping off our tall, heavy shoes so as not to wake my baby sister as we pad upstairs to my bedroom, where we collapse together on my bed, quickly falling into a deep sleep.

“Hey Nikki!” Sarah yells, running up behind me. “Come on, we’re going to be late!” Sarah takes my hand and leads me down the light corridor, looking truly beautiful in her tight, silver-coloured one-piece swimsuit. I have to constantly unpick a wedgie from my own lilac-coloured one-piece swimsuit, but I have a smile on my face nonetheless. However, as we approach the packed swimming pool, something just feels… Wrong.

“Where- where’s the church?” I ask.

“What church?” Sarah laughs as she grabs my hand again, stripping the sparkling engagement ring from my finger, which clatters to the floor. Despite Sarah’s efforts to pull me toward the pool, I crouch down and try to retrieve the ring, only for it to slip from my fingers every time I think I’ve got a clean grip on it.

“Leave. It,” Sarah says firmly as she pulls me backwards, causing me to fall over…

I gasp as I open my eyes, shielding them against the warmth of the early morning sun streaming through my curtains. Next to me, Sarah is still asleep, her beautiful teardrop-shaped face smiling as she lets out the occasional soft snore. I lay back on my bed and close my eyes again, awaiting the inevitable pain that will come from the inevitable hangover, but as I turn my head to stare at Sarah, even that doesn’t seem so bad. Sarah’s smile is far better and more effective than any painkiller.

Sarah herself wakes up a short while later, moaning softly as her own hangover slowly takes hold.

“Mmph,” Sarah grunts. “Goddddd… WHY so much alcohol last night?”

“Morning, beautiful,” I say, kissing Sarah on her smudged lips.

“Morning,” Sarah whispers, smiling her beautiful smile at me. “You know what day today is, right?”

“How can I forget?” I ask, kissing Sarah once again before getting up and staring at my naked body in the mirror. Exactly two years ago today I did the exact same thing, before pulling on my school uniform for the very last time. That night, when I went to bed, my life had completely changed- and for the better.

“May 16th,” I whisper happily as Sarah cuddles me from behind.

“Happy birthday!” Mum and dad yell as Sarah and I pad downstairs in our matching pink dressing gowns.

“It’s not my birthday!” I giggle. Despite my protests, I’m handed a large, pink card- which reads ‘to a special daughter on her second birthday’- and a tiny chocolate cupcake, in the top of which is a candle in the shape of the number ‘2’.

“Happy ‘Nikki day’ then!” Mum laughs, giving me a tight hug. “Can’t believe it’s already been two years…”

“The best two years of my life,” I say, linking hands with Sarah in our secret ‘girl love forever’ sign.

“I’m glad to hear it,” dad says with a warm smile. “You’ve changed so much in the last two years, and I don’t just mean in the obvious ways!” I roll my eyes, and mum gives dad a whack with a newspaper as dad mimes cupping his chest.

“But really,” dad continues. “When you were, well, ‘Nick’, you were a directionless, often miserable schoolboy. Becoming ‘Nikki’… It’s clearly the best thing that ever happened to you.”

“Joint best,” I say, squeezing Sarah’s hand again. I can’t help but notice my parents’ facial expressions change as my soulmate smiles at me- and it’s easy to understand why, even if I don’t agree with their apprehension.

I have now been eighteen years old, and a legal adult, for seventy-five days. On any one of those seventy-five days, I could have asked Sarah to marry me, and she could have asked me the same thing… Except neither of us have. The ring I bought for Sarah is still firmly nestled in my handbag, whilst the ring Sarah got for me… Every time I think I can get away with it, I check the hiding place Sarah previously used, under a pile of tights in her underwear drawer, but I haven’t so much as seen the ring since the first day I discovered it so many months ago.

I’ve tried to talk to Sarah about the ring many times since my birthday, but every time I try to steer our conversations in that direction, I either chicken out, or Sarah ‘hijacks’ the conversation and takes it in another direction entirely. I would understand entirely if she didn’t want to get married so quickly- there’s a part of me that’s reluctant to take such a big step, and my counsellor has stated on many occasions that it’s too much, too soon- but that doesn’t explain why Sarah owns that ring. If it wasn’t engraved, then I could just pass it off as a family heirloom- Sarah’s family is very wealthy, after all- but it has my name on it. Sarah could only have got that ring so she could give it to me… So why hasn’t she?

“I’m sure the two of you have some special celebration planned,” mum says. “Hanging out with your celebrity friends, no doubt…”

“No,” I laugh. “We usually do that tonight, but today’s all about family.”

“Good,” dad says. “So… Plans?”

“Just one,” I say with a smile. “Filling in a form online…” Mum and dad smile happily, immediately knowing what I mean. In the UK, the two year mark is a significant one for transgendered people, as it’s the point at which we can apply for our gender recognition certificate- the document that legally changes our gender. Up until now, as far as everyone has been concerned, I’ve been a girl- but in the eyes of the law, I am still a transitioning male. With the certificate, I will be legally female. Not just a ‘male who has changed his gender’ but fully, definitively, female. Once I receive the certificate, there’ll only be one final step to take on my journey…

The certificate isn’t cheap to apply for- £140, roughly two thirds of my net weekly wage- but its value to me will be immeasurable. After dressing very casually in a grey long-sleeved top, patterned black tights and a pleated black denim skirt, I grab my laptop and park myself on my sofa, where I’m almost immediately joined by the similarly-dressed Sarah.

“Heyyy,” Sarah says, snuggling in close to me. “Doing the form already?”

“No sense in wasting any time,” I say. “Though it looks like I might have to… Got to provide evidence that’s at least two years old showing that I’ve been living as a girl all this time.”

“Well that’s not too hard, surely?” Sarah asks. “You’ve got your driver’s licence, your passport, they’re all in ‘Nicola Christine Thomas’, right?”

“My passport was reissued in August 2013,” I sigh. “Not soon enough.”

“What about your deed poll certificate, then?” Sarah says. “You’ll have needed that to change your passport, right?”

“That’s still late June,” I moan. “Ah well, it’s not like I’m not used to waiting for things I really want…” I look into Sarah’s eyes, and for a brief moment, it’s like we’re reading each other’s minds as her jaw suddenly pops open as if to speak, only to immediately snap shut again.

“Yeah, waiting sucks,” Sarah whispers. “What about your parents?”

“Um, what about them?” I ask. What do they have to do with us getting married? I think to myself.

“They’ll know something you can use as evidence,” Sarah says with a smile, before jumping off the sofa and heading into the kitchen, returning seconds later with my mother- and my baby sister- in tow.

“Sandra,” Sarah asks. “We’re filling in this gender recognition form but we need evidence that Nikki’s lived, well, ‘as Nikki’, and the earliest piece of evidence has to be over two years old.”

“Ooh, and obviously we don’t have anything like that just yet,” mum grimaces. “What about your wage slips? They’re in the name of ‘Nicola Thomas’, right?”

“My earliest was dated the middle of July,” I sigh. “I thought about my deed poll certificate, but even that’s the end of June…”

“What about,” mum says with a smile, “the social services report?”

“Umm, would that count?” I ask. “I’ve not thought about that in years… Don’t really want to, either…”

“I know,” mum says in a sombre voice. “But it still demonstrates that you were living as a girl, full-time at the date of the report, which I think was… June 2nd.”

“June 2nd?” I whisper. “That’s only two and a half weeks away…” I giggle as Sarah squeaks excitedly and gives me a tight cuddle.

“So cool!” Sarah squeaks, before hopping off the sofa yet again.

“Where’s she going now?” Mum asks with a giggle.

“And…” Sarah says, returning with her hands held behind her back. “As it’s your special day… I got you a little something special.” Of course… I think to myself. What more special day than today? My heart rate increases as Sarah smiles coyly and I have to clasp my hands together to stop them from shaking.

“Nikki…” Sarah whispers, before presenting me with a gift that is very obviously NOT a ring. “Happy ‘Nikki-day’!”

“Wh-what?” I ask, taking the brightly-wrapped package from Sarah. From its size, shape and feel, it’s obviously a dress, but why would she give it to me now?

“I’ve been working on this for weeks,” Sarah giggles. “Open it!” I do as I’m told, and I gasp in awe as I gently remove the delicate garment from its packaging. It’s very much in the style of Sarah’s other masterpieces- made of a nearly opaque purple chiffon, multi-layered and knee-length- but I can instantly tell this this one is special. For starters, it’s laced at the back, rather than fastened by a zip or buttons. The thin shoulder straps are embellished with delicate stitching, and the entire bodice of the dress- which appears to have been built around a leotard, judging by the built-in pants- is covered in a pattern that I don’t immediately recognise until I look at it a little closer- it looks exactly like two hands, connected by their thumbnails and the beds of their index fingers- exactly like our ‘girl love forever’ gesture.

“Oh my god,” I whisper. “It- it’s beautiful…”

“Glad you approve!” Sarah giggles, giving me a lingering kiss. “Want to try it on now, or save it for the meal tonight?”

“Oh, tonight, obviously!” I giggle girlishly. “But- this is probably the most amazing dress you’ve ever made, and I don’t just mean the most amazing one you ever gave me…”

“Thanks!” Sarah laughs, giving me yet another kiss that I happily reciprocate.

“No, but-“ I say. “Why- why give it today rather than, say, saving it for Christmas or our anniversary? You didn’t get me anything like this last year…”

“Umm, I can always take it back if you’d rather-“ Sarah says, clearly confused by my own confusion.

“No,” I laugh, interrupting my lover. “I mean, I’m not ungrateful, I just- um- heh, thank you…”

“You’re welcome,” Sarah grins. “Can’t wait to see you in it…”

“We’re you expecting to receive something else?” Mum asks, earning a stern glare from me- and, surprisingly, a brief one from Sarah.

“Sarah spends most of her time making clothes,” I laugh. “Don’t know why I’d expect anything else…”

“Speaking of,” Sarah says, “if you’re done with the laptop, could I borrow it for a bit? Need to polish off some of my coursework…”

“Sure,” I say. “Thought you’d got it all finished?”

“That’s why I said ‘polished’ instead of ‘finished’,” Sarah giggles as she logs onto her college account and starts editing one of her mile-long essays. We spend the entire day on the sofa, with Sarah concentrating hard on her work despite my efforts to ‘distract’ her. All throughout the afternoon, however, my eyes keep getting drawn to the purple gown hanging in the doorway. The stitching Sarah used seems to almost sparkle in the sunlight, and the way the fabric shimmers… When mum and dad finally order us to get ready for our meal (allowing extra time for me and Sarah as, well, we’re eighteen year old girls), it’s all I can do not to snatch the dress of the hanger and change into it then and there. However, I make sure to take the proper care with my appearance beforehand- applying my make-up (including two shades of my favourite dark fuchsia lipstick), repainting my nails a deep burgundy colour and brushing my hair out to its maximum volume. My hair was already shoulder-length when I started transitioning two years ago and I haven’t had it significantly shortened since, only the occasion trim when having it restyled, so it cascades down my head like a rich brown waterfall. Finally comes the dress- I don’t bother with any hosiery as it’s warm outside, the dress doesn’t have any poppers in the leotard crotch, and I’m planning on wearing high-heeled sandals rather than pumps. I hold my hair out of the way for Sarah so that she can lace me into the dress, though she obviously takes this as an invitation to kiss my bare shoulders first!

“Did you make this dress with laces instead of a zip just so I’d have to ask you to lace me into it?” I giggle.

“Ah, my evil plan, foiled!” Sarah laughs.

“Your evil plan, fully co-operated with!” I laugh, turning around once I’m fully laced in and zipping Sarah into her own strapless chiffon gown. Sarah has tied her own light brown hair high atop her head, and with her immaculate make-up and dark nails, she looks just like a movie star or a supermodel attending a world premiere.

“Truly, truly beautiful,” mum says as Sarah and I slowly descend the stairs in our super-high heeled shoes. “Both of you!”

“Thanks,” Sarah and I giggle simultaneously.

“Here, can’t NOT get a photo of this,” dad- who’s looking very dapper in his best suit- says, before taking a photo of myself and Sarah in our posh, home-made dresses. “And yes, I’ll forward it to you for your ‘special album’…”

“Thanks, Chris,” Sarah giggles as she checks her phone for the photo. Every time I’ve modelled a piece of clothing for Sarah- right the way back to when we were fifteen- she’s taken a photograph of it and saved it in a special folder on her computer. Most of the photos are also on Facebook too, with the obvious exceptions of the rare occasions when Sarah’s made me lingerie!

After Grandpa Bill and Nanna Jean arrive to babysit Jenny, the four of us- mum, dad, Sarah and myself- hop into our waiting taxi and speed off to the posh restaurant where we have reserved seats. Despite my laced-in torso, I eat my fill, as the four of us discuss the past- dad in particular delighting Sarah with tales of my childhood- and the present, particularly mine & Sarah’s recent modelling work. Whenever the conversation turns to the future, however, the atmosphere becomes awkward- Sarah deflects any discussion about her university aspirations, and, more worryingly, doesn’t seem to want to talk about the future of our relationship either…

The four of us eventually arrive home just after 10:30pm, much to relief of my grandparents who almost immediately head home- for obvious reasons, they don’t celebrate ‘Nikki Day’ as much as we do. After a quick cup of tea, Sarah and I head immediately to bed, which takes a while as Sarah has to unlace me from my dress first, and I make sure to take extra care hanging up the delicate garment in my wardrobe.

“Happy rest-of-Nikki Day,” Sarah giggles as I lay down next to her in my comfy bed.

“Happy rest-of-me day,” I laugh, giving Sarah a long, lazy kiss.

“Amazing to think that this time next year, things will be so much different,” Sarah muses. “I’ll be at university, you’ll have either had your operation or will be about to have it…”

“But WE’LL still be the same, right?” I ask, wrapping my arms around Sarah’s waist.

“Of course we will,” Sarah says after a brief pause. “Girl love forever!”

“Girl love forever and ever,” I whisper. We both quickly fall into a deep sleep, which for me at least is mercifully dreamless. When I wake up on Sunday morning, I turn my head and open my eyes, only to find that Sarah is already up and dressed, and is sat at my desk doing yet more college work.

“Nngh,” I moan. “Babe? What time is it…?”

“8:30,” Sarah laughs, interrupting her work just long enough to give me a good morning kiss. “Figured I’d get an early start…”

“How much polish does your coursework need?” I ask as I get up and head to the shower. “Katie and Lauren submitted their work ages ago…”

“Yeah, their problem, not mine,” Sarah says. “You know my family won’t be happy with anything less than perfection…”

“Oh come on,” I yell from underneath the roaring water, “you said the same thing about you going into fashion design rather than medicine, remember?”

“Yeah,” Sarah replies. “And mum said that I had to work my absolute hardest at it, remember?”

“I’m sure she didn’t mean ‘spend every waking hour on it’,” I retort. “Are you going to spend all day in front of the computer?”

“No,” Sarah retorts. “I’m going to need to head home at some point to take some photos. I take it you’ll be happy to be the most gorgeous, girly model of all time once again?”

“Always,” I giggle, grabbing my razor and whipping off a few stray leg hairs before returning to my room, my body and my hair wrapped in two thick towels.

“Mmm,” Sarah says as she drinks in every inch of my glistening, wet body. “Kinda wish I had my camera with me now!” I giggle as Sarah whips the towel off of my torso, before helping me dry myself off. After I’ve finished drying, I dress in a plain black miniskirt, a casual purple top and black tights- which Sarah takes as her cue to get straight back to her work.

“Don’t you even dare complain about being bored,” Sarah laughs as I start playing a game on my iPad. “When I’m at uni I’m going to have to work ten times harder than this…”

“Even though your tutor said that your work was already at university level?” I say.

“There’s a difference between ‘university level’ and ‘distinction level’,” Sarah says. “They do do Masters Degrees in fashion design, you know…”

“Sarah…” I sigh. “Is- IS everything okay? When you talked about uni in the past, it was always a means to an end, a way to get yourself a job in the industry, now you’re talking about Masters Degrees…”

“My mum’s a doctor,” Sarah explains. “Highly respected in her field, earns bucket loads of money, same with my aunt and uncle…”

“You never really talk much about them,” I say. “Don’t think you’ve even seen them since Christmas…”

“No offence, Nikki,” Sarah sighs, “you know how much I love you, and I always will, just- can you- can you just get off my back about this, please?”

“Umm, okay,” I say, taken aback by Sarah’s sudden hostility. “Let me know if you need any help…”

“Can do,” Sarah says, turning back to her work. After a quick lunch, Sarah drives us both back to her house, where I spend the evening wearing countless beautiful dresses, skirts and tops as Sarah photographs me for her coursework. Normally, an evening like this would be my idea of heaven- but with Sarah as focussed as she is, all I can concentrate on is her. After I change back into my casual clothes, and Sarah heads upstairs to pack away the gorgeous creations I’ve just modelled, I head into Sarah’s kitchen, where her mother is sat doing work of her own.

“Hi Beverly,” I say, sitting down opposite the middle-aged woman and her laptop.

“Hi Nikki,” Beverly says with a smile. “You girls finished with your fashion show?”

“For now,” I say. “That’s kinda what I want to talk to you about, if you’ve got a second?”

“Heh,” Beverly laughs. “I think you’ll find my daughter’s about a thousand times more qualified to talk about fashion than I am!”

“It’s specifically that word I want to talk about,” I say nervously. “’Qualified’… You know Sarah’s been working a lot harder than normal recently, right?”

“She does seem dedicated to her course,” Beverly says. “It bodes well for university, especially as it’s a subject that she genuinely loves.”

“You know she’s talked about going on to do a Master’s degree, right?” I ask.

“I don’t know that,” Beverly replies. “But I’d certainly support that, if that’s what she wants to do.”

“Sarah…” I say hesitantly. “She… She kinda feels pressured into succeeding academically, you know, because you’re a doctor, so are her aunts and uncles-“

“I’ve never put that kind of pressure on her,” Beverly says, interrupting me.

“I never said you did,” I say, leaning back, worried that I’ve offended the friendly older woman.

“Heh,” Beverly chuckles, much to my relief. “I can see your point, I remember when she first told me about wanting to work in fashion, how nervous she was… But, she is an adult now, she needs to make her own decisions.” I smile and nod at the older woman- clearly she’s been kept as much in the dark about Sarah’s plans as I have…

Unsurprisingly, Sarah spends the rest of the evening polishing her coursework, but does take some time to relax on the sofa with me and watch television before we head to bed just after 10:30pm, quickly falling asleep in each other’s arms…

“Come on, hurry up!” The director urges me.

“Yes, yes, I’m hurrying!” I say as I pull on the slinky purple dress, holding my hair out of the way so the director can fasten shut all the buttons on the rear.

“Okay,” the director says once the dress is fastened shut. “Knock ‘em dead, Nikki!” I giggle as I walk out onto the runway to be greeted by the coos of the audience and the flashbulbs of the photographers, but I can instantly tell that something’s wrong.

“Nice dress, Nikki,” Katie says as she walks past in her pristine white wedding gown, which contrasts horribly with my own purple dress.

“Like the dress, Nikki,” Lauren says, doing a twirl in her strapless white wedding dress.

“Why aren’t you wearing one of these?” Dannii asks, coolly swishing her wedding dress around her legs as she walks past.

“I- I don’t know,” I sob as I sink to my knees. “Sarah? Sarah!?” I yell my lungs out as the noise of the crowd and the brightness of the flashbulbs intensifies, stunning all my senses as I lay paralysed on the floor…

“Sarah!” I gasp as I suddenly wake up in my lover’s bed.

“Hehe,” Sarah giggles as I take several deep breaths to calm myself down. “Don’t know whether or not to be flattered that you’re having nightmares about me…”

“Ugh,” I moan as I lay my head back down on the pillow. “What time is it?”

“Almost 7:30,” Sarah says, kissing me behind my ear. “About time we were getting up…”

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” slowly climbing out of bed and jumping under the shower. When I return, I pull on my usual Monday morning attire- specifically, a pair of baby pink tights and a tight black leotard. As I’ll be at work later, I stuff a pair of barely black tights in my handbag, before pulling on an opaque white blouse and one of my trademark short black pencil skirts. After checking my make-up and nails are immaculate, I slip my feet into a pair of flats, grab my dance bag, my handbag and a pair of heels (to change into at the same time as my other tights), I sit back down on the bed and wait for Sarah to come out of the shower. Once she returns, with her body and her hair wrapped in towels just as mine was yesterday, I make a move to grab her torso towel from her, just as she did with me yesterday. Sadly, Sarah sees this coming and darts out of the way, but after she dries herself I get treated a full-length view of her naked body anyway, so I don’t mind too much!

“Mmm,” I moan happily as Sarah pulls a clean bra and thong out of her underwear drawer. “Do you normally wear underwear at ballet?”

“Oh, I’m not going today,” Sarah says, pulling on a pair of black tights and a short grey denim skirt, followed by one of her favourite home-made tops and a pair of flats.

“Uh- what? No 'Sarahrina'?” I ask. “You LOVE ballet…”

“I know,” Sarah sighs. “Just need-“

“To polish off college work,” I say, finishing Sarah’s sentence for her.

“Hehe, you really ARE my soulmate,” Sarah says, giving me a long, deep kiss before leading us both down to her car. We soon pull up outside the dance studio, where Sarah drops me off before immediately speeding off to her college. Even though I’m early for the dance lesson, most of the other girls are already there, so I quickly head into the changing rooms, remove my skirt and blouse and tie my satin ballet slippers to my feet before grabbing my pointe shoes and heading into the studio. In what has become a pre-class ritual, Krystie ties my hair into a ballerina’s bun for me (she also ties Jamie’s bun) before getting the class started.

“Ladies,” Krystie announces. “As I’m sure you know, tomorrow we celebrate the 24th birthday of the legendary Miss Charlotte Hutchinson!” I- and the other girls- turn to applaud Charlotte, who is sat the side of the studio with her new born son in her arms.

“Obviously,” Krystie continues, “Charlotte’s not going to be up for dancing for a few more weeks, but I have a special birthday tutu that NEEDS to be worn. Fortunately, there is another girl in here who has something to celebrate!” Oh god, I think to myself. Thanks for springing this on me, Krystie…

“Isn’t that right,” Krystie continues, “Miss Henderson?” My face briefly scrunches up with confusion as I stare over at Katie, whose freckled face quickly turns red with embarrassment.

“Yes,” Katie sighs, before letting out a loud giggle. “I may… Have been offered an unconditional place at LCF for September!”

“Oh my god, Katie!” Lauren squeaks, giving the taller girl a tight hug. “That’s so cool!”

“Congratulations!” I say, giving Katie a hug. “You really, really deserve it and you will be SO good at university!”

“Thanks!” Katie squeaks, bouncing up and down with excitement.

“As you’re going to be a super famous photographer in a few years’ time,” Krystie says, “that means that for today, you get to change into a tutu and dance whilst we all photograph YOU!” Katie sighs and rolls her eyes as she strips off her leotard and pulls on the frilly, ostentatious tutu and her shiny pointe shoes.

“The crown, though, still belongs to the birthday girl!” Krystie giggles, placing on Charlotte’s head the tiara I wore on my head on the day before my most recent birthday. I watch enthralled as Katie dances a carefully choreographed routine, before changing back into her leotard as Krystie begins ‘properly’ teaching us. After we change into our pointe shoes, I catch a glimpse of myself in one of the studio’s vast mirrors, and I can’t help but smile at the feminine figure I project- with my slender pink legs, curvy body wrapped in a tight black leotard, my tight bun and my pointed feet, I am virtually indistinguishable from the other women in the studio. Sure, the others may be ‘proper’ models, they may be skinny and blonde whilst I’m curvy and brunette, but this IS a place where I truly fit in.

After the lesson, I head back into the changing room, where I’m joined by Katie, Lauren and Hannah.

“Eee!” Hannah squeaks, cuddling Katie tight and preventing her from removing her leotard. “So, so cool! You’re going to be a proper university girl! So are you, Lauren, I can just feel it!”

“Thanks,” Katie says, freeing herself from Hannah’s hug only for the blonde girl to immediately rush over and cuddle Lauren.

“Whoa, whoa!” Lauren laughs. “I haven’t even got my offer yet…”

“YET,” Hannah says. “Your dresses are SO amazing they’ve got to get you on one of their courses!”

“Me AND Sarah,” Lauren says, suddenly lowering the mood in the changing room. “Where is she, anyway?”

“Gone into college early,” I sigh. “She keeps going over and over her final coursework…”

“God knows why, it’s miles ahead of mine,” Lauren says. “I’d have thought Sarah would’ve heard from LCF now as well…”

“Just so I’m up to speed,” Hannah asks as she changes from her dance gear into a smart, form fitting dress and nude tights, “that’s London College of Fashion’, right?”

“Aka ‘the most awesome university in the world? Yep,” Katie confirms.

“I kinda wish I’d gone to university,” Hannah sighs. “It sounds so cool, living in dorms, having parties every night…”

“Oh please,” Katie laughs. “You’ve got the job literally every girl in the country would literally die for!”

“Count me as one of those girls!” Lauren interrupts, making everyone in the changing room giggle- Hannah giggling harder than anyone.

“Yeah, but-“ Hannah says, before sighing and giggling yet again. “Okay, point taken. Come on, fellow ‘non-college girl’, we’ve got ACTUAL work to do!”

“Hehe!” I giggle as I pull on my spare pair of tights, followed by the rest of my work clothes and finally my flats. After bidding Katie and Lauren farewell with yet more hugs, I follow Hannah outside into her car, a converted pink London taxi that has been nicknamed ‘the Angelmobile’.

“Drive, woman, drive!” Hannah commands in a mock-authoritative voice, causing me to giggle as I climb into the driver’s seat and drive us away. It doesn’t take long for us to arrive at the TV studio, where Hannah immediately goes into ‘Angel mode’, schmoozing up the producers as they explain the ins and outs of what she’ll be doing today.

Thankfully, today I don’t have a changing room to inspect- as Hannah changed at the dance studio- but there are still plenty of treats laid on that I approve before handing them to the superstar as she gets ready for her latest TV appearance, which this time involves reviewing various new make-ups. I giggle as Hannah poses for selfies with the girls who will be actually modelling the make-up before heading on set, returning fifteen minutes later with a wide smile on her face.

“Sometimes I feel a bit guilty,” Hannah giggles as we head back to the ‘Angelmobile’. “Getting paid this much, considering how easy this job is…”

“You can always drive us home if it helps ease your guilt,” I laugh, earning a playful shove from the tall girl.

“Drive, woman, drive!” Hannah again orders as she dramatically drops down on the back seat of the cab whilst I get into the driver’s seat and drive the girl- and her numerous goodie bags- back to her posh flat. I leave the car in Hannah’s parking space (it is, technically, her car) before heading to the nearest tube station.

Half an hour later, I head into the packed dining hall at the college where I used to study (and where Sarah, Katie and Lauren still study), musing on how, mere weeks from now, none of us will have any reason to return to this place.

“Hey, Nikkirina!” Sarah giggles, greeting me with a kiss as I dump my dance bag underneath the table.

“Hey, Sarah-NOT-rina!” I retort, making Sarah laugh tiredly.

“I take it you heard Katie’s good news?” Sarah asks, making Katie sigh and blush with embarrassment.

“By this point EVERYONE’s heard it,” Katie laughs.

“And,” Lauren says with a smug smile. “Now that everyone’s here…” Everyone EXCEPT your former best friend, I think to myself.

“What is it?” Sarah asks Lauren with a look that can only be described as ‘worry’.

“In the post today,” Lauren says, barely suppressing a giggle. “I may… Have also received an unconditional offer from LCF to study fashion design!”

“Oh my god, Lauren!” Katie squeaks, giving the short girl a long, tight hug. “This is so cool! We’re both going to the same university, we’re both going to be studying together…”

“Umm, not exactly,” Lauren laughs. “Different subjects, we’ll probably be in different days…” Lauren’s voice trails off as she sees Sarah smiling at her, and all of a sudden, I realise exactly WHY Sarah has been the way she’s been lately. It’s not so much that she wants to do study after university... It’s that she may not even get TO university, despite the quality of her work…

“This is so cool,” Sarah says with a smile that I can immediately tell is forced.

“Call your mum,” Lauren laughs. “You’re BOUND to have got an offer too…”

“Eh, I can wait until I get home,” Sarah says with the same forced smile. “Anyway, you guys should celebrate, maybe go out somewhere tonight?”

“I’m still hungover from last Friday!” Lauren giggles. “Besides, it’s Charlotte’s party tomorrow…”

“Exactly,” Sarah says. “Charlotte’s party, so we need a celebration of our own!”

“Deal!” Katie laughs. “Night out or night in?”

“There won’t be anything decent on on a Monday night,” Lauren says. “Don’t think there are any house parties tonight either… Know anybody with a house large enough and with enough booze to celebrate properly?” I open my mouth to respond, as does Katie, but we both immediately close them again. We’ve clearly both had the same idea- there IS someone with a house large enough to hold a party of the type we want… And that someone is Dannii.

“Actually, you know what?” Katie says. “Celebration can wait until the weekend. Let Sarah get a chance to get her unconditional offer!” Sarah giggles, but I can tell just by looking at her that she either doesn’t expect to receive an offer from LCF… Or has, and has rejected it for whatever reason…

After college, Sarah and I back to her home, where she does yet more intensive work on her project. Every time I try to bring up the topic of university, Sarah simply avoids it, changing the topic by ordering me to change into one of her skirts or dresses despite the fact that she’s already photographed me in these creations at least a hundred times. The two of us head to bed just after 10:30pm, with me still none the wiser as to why Sarah’s so stressed out about university. Even as we make love, I can tell that part of her mind is elsewhere…

Once again, when I wake up the following morning, I find Sarah already up and dressed, ready for college with a smile on her face and a determined look in her eyes.

“Morning, beautiful!” Sarah says, giving me a gentle kiss as I shake the early morning fog from my head.

“Mmph, morning,” I say, throwing back the covers and heading into Sarah’s en-suite to shower. “What time is it?”

“7:15,” Sarah says, making me pause.

“7:15!?” I retort. “Why do you need to be up this early? Why do I need to be up this early?”

“You don’t!” Sarah giggles. “I just wanted… Well, I’m sure you know by now how I’m going to finish this sentence…”

“Sarah…” I sigh as the hot water washes away my tiredness. “We really do need to talk about that.”

“No offence, Nikki,” Sarah says, “but you’re not going to university, I don’t see exactly what you can, well, bring to any discussion about it.”

“I’m not going to university,” I reply, “but I know YOU. I love you, Sarah, something’s wrong, please, just tell me what it is?”

“It-“ Sarah says, before sighing loudly. “I- I need to go. I’ll see you at Charlotte’s tonight, okay?”

“Wait!” I yell, hopping out of the shower and wrapping my body and my hair in thick, fluffy towels. “Sarah, wait!” I head back into Sarah’s bedroom, only to hear her car drive away, leaving me alone. After drying myself off and fixing my make-up and pull on my typical work clothes, I head downstairs to the kitchen, where Beverly is already awake and ready for her own working day.

“Morning, Nikki,” Beverly says. “Do you need a lift anywhere today?”

“Umm, just home, to pick up my car, please,” I say. “Beverly… I’m really, really worried about Sarah.”

“Is this the same thing we talked about on Sunday?” Beverly asks.

“Umm, yes and no,” I say. “Katie and Lauren- you know them, right?”

“Yeah, they’ve been here often enough,” Beverly says.

“They’ve both got unconditional offers from LCF,” I explain. “Sarah… Almost certainly hasn’t.”

“Oh,” Beverly says, clearly surprised by the news. “Sarah’s not said anything to me about this… I know she’s applied to LCF, but she’s applied to other places as well. I basically just let her get on with it, you know how desperate she is to prove how independent she can be.”

“Yeah,” I say.

“I’ll talk to her again tomorrow,” Beverly says. “You’ve got yet another one of your big parties tonight, haven’t you?"

“Yep,” I say. “Got to get over there to help sort everything out for it… At least there are no ridiculous themes this time!”

“Oh, be fair,” Beverly chuckles. “I know how much you girls love dressing up. And I don’t just mean girls ‘like you’!” Beverly and I giggle happily as we head out to her car. A short while later, I’m dropped off outside my house, and after saying hi to mum and Jenny, I quickly head over to Charlotte Hutchinson’s vast mansion, where I’m greeted by the woman herself and her new born son.

“Hi Charlotte, happy birthday!” I say, before giggling in the dribbling face of the tiny infant in her arms.

“Hey there, cutie!” I say, making Charlotte giggle even if the baby himself doesn’t stir.

“Sleeps for most of the day, dribbles everywhere, obsessed with breasts…” Charlotte giggles. “You can tell he’s a boy!”

“Is everything already here for the party?” I ask.

“Yep!” Charlotte says, though I can tell her smile is just as forced as Sarah’s was at lunch yesterday. “Babysitter’s all booked too, got bottles full of MY milk for this one in case he needs it… Nikki, can I be honest with you?”

“Of course,” I say.

“I… really can’t be doing with tonight,” Charlotte sighs.

“How so?” I ask, amazed that Charlotte- a national celebrity who I’ve only known for less than a year- can be more open with me than my own lover.

“It’s just...” Charlotte sighs. “Since giving birth, I’ve just felt washed out, I’m constantly tired… I’d really much rather have a quiet night in on the sofa, with my girls… And, of course, my boy… I really can’t face people right now, let alone a camera crew…”

“Are you eating properly?” I ask. “Because you look like you’ve shifted a lot of baby weight already…”

“I’ve actually got a dietician!” Charlotte giggles. “She makes sure I- and, of course, Keith junior- get everything we need. It’s just… I dunno. I just want to get through tonight as fast as possible…”

“No one should be miserable on their birthday,” I say. “I’m sure you’ll be happier once you’ve got all your girls here!”

“Thanks,” Charlotte says with a genuine smile as I begin ordering around the catering staff. Ten hours later, Charlotte’s main room is bustling with activity. All the Angels are present, of course, as are all of Out of Heaven and all of the Teen Angels… Except one.

“Hi,” the recorded voicemail message says. “You’ve reached Sarah Phillips, I’m not able to come to the phone right now, please leave a message after the tone.” I disconnect the call before hearing the tone and stuff my phone bag in my tiny clutch bag- I’ve already left two messages for Sarah, there’s no point in leaving a third. I smooth my short, dark mauve cocktail dress (one of Sarah’s creations, naturally) before heading over to the bar at the end of Charlotte’s main room. With no official ‘theme’ for tonight’s party, everyone’s come in their poshest dresses (or poshest suits for the boys) and smartest, highest-heeled shoes- and I in particular look DAMNED good tonight, even if I do say so myself.

“Nikki!” A voice calls me before I reach the bar. “Hey, Nikki! Come over here!” I turn to see who the voice belongs to, only to discover Krystie sat on one of the many plush sofas lining the vast room, clutching an iPad. She’s also attracted quite a crowd- at least six other girls are watching, some of whom must be either old friends or celebrity friends of Charlotte’s as I don’t recognise them from any of the ‘official Angel’ groups.

“What are you watching?” I say, perching myself on the arm of the sofa and crossing my legs so as to not flash my panties to everyone at the party. “A beauty pageant?”

“Yeah,” Krystie says. “There’s supposed to be a girl on later who used to be one of the top ballerinas of the Paris ballet, I wanted to check her out, see how good she is.”

“Thinking of opening a school in Paris, then?” Viks asks with a giggle.

“A bigger London one would be better!” Krystie laughs. “Can’t even so much as speak French…”

“Alors!” Viks laughs. “Mademoiselle Fullerton, vous avez jamais appris la langue que les termes les plus ballet viennent?”

“…You brainbox!” Krystie teases her fellow Angel, who giggles bashfully.

“Hang on,” Viks says, “is this Soixante-Trois Airlines? The same ones who flew us back from Paris to Ireland before Mary’s wedding last year?”

“Yep,” Krystie says. “Joshua recommended I watch the pageant, god only knows why, this isn’t exactly the sort of thing he’d normally watch!”

“Why have we never had a beauty pageant before for one of our birthday parties?” Viks asks.

“Ooh! Ooh! Dibs for my 21st!” Becca- who’d been quiet so far- yells, making everyone around the sofa laugh.

“Whose birthday’s next after Charlotte?” I ask.

“Umm,” Krystie says, “Not sure, Charlotte’s is the last in May, I know THAT for a fact, are there any in June?”

“None from my band,” Becca says. “Not until October.”

“…There is one in June,” I sigh. “It’s Dannii.” Another awkward pause surrounds the sofa, and I breathe a sigh of relief when my phone starts ringing. “I, um, I need to get this…” After hastily excusing myself, I check the caller ID and smile- it’s Sarah.

“Hey, gorgeous!” I say with a smile. “What time are you getting here?”

“Just setting off now,” Sarah replies, sounding like she’s in a hell of a hurry. “Should be there in twenty minutes.” Sure enough, eighteen minutes later, Sarah coolly strides through the front door of Charlotte’s house, and after greeting the birthday girl with a hug and a gift, strides over to me, giving me a long, deep kiss. I can immediately tell, however, that everything isn’t okay with the woman I love.

“Hey, beautiful!” Sarah giggles, giving me yet another kiss. “Sorry I’m late…”

“Hey,” I sigh happily. “What’s with your hair?”

“What about it?” Sarah asks, flicking her long brown hair off of her bare shoulders.

“You haven’t tied it up,” I say. “Can’t remember the last time you went to a party with your hair down…”

“Meh, thought it was time for a change,” Sarah says, though I can tell by the way she’s constantly flicking her hair back that she’s as irritated by it as she always is whenever it’s not tied into a ponytail or into one of her elaborate updos. Inevitably, less than 15 minutes later, Sarah disappears into the toilet, re-emerging a couple of minutes later with her hair tied high upon her head.

“That’s MUCH better,” Sarah giggles, giving me another kiss before leading us both to a free sofa.

“Change isn’t such a good thing after all?” I ask.

“…Some changes are,” Sarah whispers, taking a sip of her soft drink.

“Sarah…” I say. “I’m- I’m not going to drop it, you know, about university-“

“Not here,” Sarah says firmly. “Not here, not now. Can we, you know, just have some fun tonight?”

“Of course!” I say, forcing a smile onto my dark fuchsia lips- though it’s obvious from the look in her eyes that Sarah knows my smile is as forced as her recent smiles have been.

We only stay at the party for another hour- I have work tomorrow and Sarah obviously has college- but when I arrive back home I’m not tired despite my long day and the alcohol I consumed tonight.

“We NEED to talk now,” I say to Sarah as we enter my bedroom.

“I’m tired,” Sarah says, dramatically yawning and stretching her arms.

“No, Sarah-“ I say, groaning with frustration. “Whatever it is, PLEASE tell me. I thought we could talk about anything, literally anything…”

“This- This…” Sarah says, before sighing. “This is big, Nikki.”

“Whatever it is, it can’t be bigger than the two of us, surely?” I ask.

“It’s about university,” Sarah says.

“Well yes, I figured that much,” I reply. “Have you not had an unconditional offer?”

“No, that’s the problem, I HAVE,” Sarah sighs.

“Well, then, what-“ I say.

“-From the university of Salford,” Sarah sighs. “LCF have sent me an offer but it’s conditional.”

“Well- surely you’ll meet the conditions, given how hard you’ve been working, right?” I ask, only for my heart to melt when Sarah turns round, and I can see that her eyes are flooded with tears. Instinctively, I reach forward and wrap my arms around Sarah, hugging her tightly as she blubs into my shoulder.

“I don’t know what to do…” Sarah sobs loudly.

“Isn’t it obvious?” I ask. “Stay in London, with me…”

“I want to,” Sarah sniffles. “But I’ve always dreamed of going away to uni, living in a dorm, you know, just- just being independent…”

“You’re a business owner,” I say. “You have your own car, you’re friends with one of the hottest modelling cliques in the UK… Seems like you’re independent to me.”

“I know what you’re trying to do,” Sarah says with a small chuckle. “You just don’t want me to go…”

“Hell no I don’t want you to go!” I laugh.

“Nikki,” Sarah sighs, “If I do go to Manchester…”

“I’ll go with you,” I say.

“No,” Sarah says firmly. “You can’t leave London, you’ve got your whole life here, your family, your job… You’ll be having your operation soon, I can’t ask you to leave all that just for me…”

“You sound like you’ve already made up your mind,” I say.

“I-“ Sarah stutters, before sighing and slumping down on the edge of my bed. “I don’t know… The whole reason mum moved to London was because all the best work opportunities are here, but back then it was assumed I’d go to Oxford or Cambridge… And LCF IS the one of the best fashion universities in the country… But Salford’s not bad, and I’m not guaranteed a place at LCF…” I cuddle Sarah close to me as she breaks down in tears again, the weight of her decision clearly crushing her.

“Get- get some sleep,” I say as I strip off my dress. “Sleep on it… See how you feel in the morning. I love you, I love you more than anything, Sarah. Whatever you decide… I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“I love you too,” Sarah whispers, stripping off her dress and removing her tear-streaked make-up before climbing into bed, cuddling her naked body close to mine as we quickly fall into a deep sleep…

“Wait!” I yell as I climb up what seems like a never-ending staircase. “Wait, Sarah!” I run after the girl I love as she disappears at the top of the stairs, but no matter how hard I try, I simply can’t keep up with her… Until I suddenly find myself at the top of the stairs, in front of the door through which Sarah had only just disappeared. Internally, I freeze- I know that if I step through the door, there’ll be no going back, but if I turn around, I’ll lose Sarah forever…

I take several deep breaths, before turning the knob and opening the door. Almost immediately, I find myself stood in a vast quadrangle filled with people, with large, shiny buildings on either side. Even though consciously I know I’ve never even seen this place before, subconsciously I know I am stood in the centre of the University of Salford, and stood just a few feet in front of me, with a wide smile on her beautiful face, is Sarah.

“I knew you’d come,” Sarah whispers, before giving me a long, soft kiss. Almost instantly, I find myself wearing a pristine white wedding dress… And so is Sarah.

“You may kiss the bride,” the minister says as I kiss Sarah once again, my entire body melting into a pool of happiness…

“Hey,” Sarah says quietly. “Hey, Nikki, wake up!”

“Mmm,” I happily moan as the dream fades and I return to reality.

“Hope you were dreaming about me again!” Sarah laughs, giving me a kiss every bit as enjoyable as the kiss in my dream.

“Of course,” I whisper, returning Sarah’s kiss.

“Well, back to reality now, I’m afraid,” Sarah giggles. “Need to get out early so I can drop you at Charlotte’s to pick up your car.”

“AND Jamie,” I giggle, getting out of bed and laying my work clothes on a chair, whilst Sarah also gets up and jumps underneath the shower.

“I dunno,” Sarah laughs. “You could always try NOT taking her to work…”

“That’d be an easy way to get fired,” I laugh before taking Sarah’s place in the shower. After I dry myself off, I pull on my underwear, including a clean pair of barely black tights, followed by my customary opaque white blouse and short, tight black pencil skirt and a pair of black flats.

“Do you ever miss, you know, NOT having to spend so much time on your appearance each morning?” Sarah asks as I brush my hair before tying it into a professional ponytail.

“Never,” I say. “If anything, I wish I spent MORE time on it each morning...”

“Really?” Sarah giggles as I stand up and let her fix her own hair and make-up.

“Seriously,” I say. “Never even THOUGHT about my life as a boy in- well, in two years and four days, heh. Every day I apply my make-up, I just feel… At home. Like it was meant to be. No regrets, not a single one.”

“Must be so nice,” Sarah sighs. “Living life without ANY regrets.” Well… No regrets except one, I think to myself as I pick up my handbag and fiddle with the ring box through the lining of the bag.

“Sarah…” I sigh. “About- about what we talked about last night-”

“It feels better,” Sarah says as she ties her own hair back into a ponytail. “Talking about it… I’m sorry I kept you in the dark for so long, Nikki.”

“You don’t need to apologise to me,” I say, giving Sarah a quick cuddle. “You don’t EVER need to apologise to me. I love you, now and forever.”

“I love you too,” Sarah says, giving me a kiss. “Girl love forever! Now come on, we-, sorry, YOU’RE going to be late!”

“Hehe!” I giggle as I follow Sarah down to her car. I exchange another kiss with the woman I love as she drops me off outside Charlotte’s vast mansion.

“Aww,” Jamie coos as I approach her on her doorstep. “The cutest couple of all… Always makes me smile seeing how happy you two are.”

“Yeah,” I say. “Though that might not be for much longer…”

“Oh, what? No…” Jamie sighs as we both get into my car. “Why- what’s wrong?”

“University,” I sigh. “Specifically, Sarah’s… She’s had an offer from a university up in the north and she’s thinking of accepting, so either I go with her, and give up this job, or I stay behind, and give up Sarah…”

“Long distance relationships CAN work,” Jamie says. “If you love each other as much as you and Sarah clearly do, you’ll find a way to make it work, I know you will.”

“Yeah,” I sigh. “But that’s still three whole years of her not being by my side day in, day out… Possibly up to five if she stays on and does a masters.”

“There is…” Jamie says hesitantly. “There is ONE thing you can do to ensure you keep Sarah. Something to make you two commit to each other…”

“I know,” I whisper, triggering an awkward silence in the car.

“Anyway,” Jamie says, breaking the tension. “Krystie’s said that it’s Dannii’s birthday next, her eighteenth, right? Got anything special planned?”

“Why would WE plan anything for her?” I snort.

“Umm, she’s your friend?” Jamie asks. “Joshua wants to do something to mark the occasion, I know he hasn’t promoted the five of you that much, especially since launching the band, but with you all being eighteen…”

“Ugh, fine,” I spit. “But only because it’s expected of us professionally. Off the record? I LOATHE the girl, and so do Sarah, Katie and Lauren.”

“It’s been three months since the ‘thing’,” Jamie says. “You need to start forgiving at some point…”

“Trust me,” I say angrily as we pull up outside the small studio. “I DON’T need to forgive her.” I lead Jamie into the small building, inspecting her dressing room before allowing her in to change into her smart skirt and top ahead of her interview. As this one’s for a magazine, it’ll consist of just a sit-down interview with a reporter followed by a brief photoshoot, but Jamie switches outfits a lot for the photoshoot meaning it’s well past 1pm before we finally get away.

“I’m earning my money this week!” I giggle. “Hannah tomorrow and Viks on Friday…”

“Ah, a full-time job!” Jamie giggles. “I almost envy you. ALMOST!” Jamie and I giggle as I start my engine and slowly drive away. “Nikki… Don’t worry about Dannii, I’ll sort out her party. Her birthday’s on the 13th, right?”

“Yeah,” I say. “She was actually born on Friday the 13th, which is HIGHLY appropriate.”

“Okay,” Jamie says. “Well this year that’s a Saturday. We’ll do something at Charlotte’s house, maybe with a ‘1997’ theme. Spice Girls, David Beckham, that sort of thing.”

“Out of Heaven would make a cool Spice Girls tribute act,” I muse. “You’ve got a black girl, a ginger girl, two brunettes and a tiny blonde…”

“It’s not going to take much convincing to get Becca to dress up as Posh Spice,” Jamie giggles. “As for the other thing…”

“I know,” I sigh. “I know, I know… Do- do you think it’s too soon?”

“To get married?” Jamie asks. “At eighteen? Probably. But ‘engaged’ isn’t the same thing as ‘married’. Jon and Viks are having a long engagement, but they’re still fully committed to each other. You can always get engaged now and wait until after Sarah graduates to finally tie the knot. It’s not like you’ll have a pregnancy to worry about…”

“I also want to wait until after my SRS to get married,” I say. “Last Saturday was my two year mark…”

“Ooh,” Jamie coos. “That’s gender recognition certificate time, isn’t it?”

“Yep!” I say with a smile. “Sending it off at the start of next month… Jamie, do you ever have any regrets about your, well, your ‘change’?”

“Not really,” Jamie says. “Kinda regret not freezing any sperm, seeing how much joy Mary and Charlotte are getting out of being parents… But when I was a boy, my life was literally nothing. Now I have people paying me hundreds of pounds just to wear clothes and talk about my life…”

“But taking ten times as long getting ready every morning,” I retort, repeating Sarah’s earlier argument. “Being judged on your appearance everywhere you go…”

“Nikki…” Jamie sighs. “Are YOU having any regrets?”

“Not a single one,” I reply. “I love everything about this life. Being a boy… Sometimes, it actually HURT. Now, even when I’m wearing pointe shoes, it doesn’t hurt anymore.”

“For me,” Jamie says. “Being a boy… I felt, well, numb, I guess. Like I didn’t know who or what I was. Now… It’s like I’m wrapped in happiness. So no, no regrets.”

“Girl LIFE forever!” I say, making Jamie giggle happily as I drive her back to her vast home. With it being almost 2pm, it’s far too late to visit Sarah at college, so I head back home to digest what Jamie said. I literally have in my hand- well, my handBAG- the means to keep Sarah committed to me forever. As obsessed as I am with Sarah proposing to me, there’s nothing stopping me from asking her any time I want. And Jamie’s right- even if we don’t get married immediately, we can stay engaged for as long as we want. Even if I’m in London and Sarah’s in Manchester, as long as we wear the rings, we’ll always be right next to each other.

Sarah arrives home just after 4:30, and I have the ring box in my hand as she steps through the door and collapses on our sofa.

“Hi honey, you’re home?” I ask, making the beautiful brown-haired girl giggle as she slips off her shoes and stretches her nylon-covered toes.

“Hi ‘honey’!” Sarah giggles as I sit down next to her and give her a kiss. “Where are your parents?”

“Dad’s at work,” I explain. “Mum’s taken Jenny round to grandma and granddad’s. Just the two of us tonight…”

“GOOD,” Sarah giggles, cuddling next to me as I fiddle with the ring box out of sight. I take a deep breath, before turning to face the beautiful girl.

“Sarah…” I whisper.

“I talked to my tutor today,” Sarah says, interrupting me before I have the chance to continue. “She says I’ve got a good chance of getting into LCF with the work that I’ve been doing, but it’s still a ‘chance’, not a ‘guarantee’…” Sarah slumps her head back on the sofa, and I can immediately tell just how hard this decision is for her.

“Sarah…” I say again, before pausing as I see the sheer exhaustion in her eyes.

“What?” Sarah asks with a half-hearted giggle.

“…Let’s do something special tonight,” I say, stashing the ring away in a pocket in my loose denim skirt. “Just the two of us. A proper date, wining, dining…”

“Sounds AMAZING,” Sarah says. “I take it YOU’RE cooking?” I open my mouth to reply, before bursting into a fit of giggles.

“I said ‘special’, not ‘lethal’!” I laugh, making Sarah giggle as she gives me a quick cuddle. My breath catches in my mouth as I feel the ring box press into my hip, as it obviously will have pressed into Sarah as well- but she doesn’t comment as she releases me.

“Takeout it is, then!” Sarah says, opening a takeaway app on her phone. Two hours later, the two of us are sat around the kitchen table in our best dresses. I’m wearing the strapless lilac bodysuit and skirt Sarah made for me almost two years ago- the same ‘dress’ I wore during the first-ever get together of the ‘Teen Angels’- whilst Sarah’s wearing the first ever dress she made for me, the multi-layered, multi-coloured organza gown that flows about her body every time she leans forward to take a bite of her meal. We’re both fully-made up, wearing out best jewellery and poshest red nail polish, and- for the first time in a long while- we’ve both tied our hair into elaborate updos (Sarah’s is more elaborate than mine, obviously). The lights in the kitchen are dimmed- apart from the lone candle in the middle of the table- and a mix of romantic music is playing on my iPad, including ‘Eternal Flame’ by the Bangles- which is ‘our song’.

The food is just a basic chow mein from the local Chinese takeaway, but that’s not important- all that matters is that I’m here, now, with the woman I love, and who loves me. Engaged or not, my love for Sarah is absolute, and always will be. Even if we’re separated by hundreds of miles, she’ll always be the only woman I love… Though whether or not that will be enough to keep our relationship intact is another matter entirely.

This may very well be one of the last times I get to dine with Sarah like this- and I’m making sure I take in every second of it. I take in every square inch of Sarah’s appearance, every sound she makes as she’s eating, every tiny scent that drifts into my nostrils... And it hurts. It hurts knowing that soon, the woman I love may be taken far, far away from me. Please, Sarah, please don’t go…

“Mmm,” I moan as the image of Sarah in her wedding dress fades and my brain starts swimming back to reality. I blink my eyes twice, turning my sore head to shield my sensitive eyes from the bright light streaming through the window.

“Morning, beautiful,” Sarah says, giving me a quick kiss on my forehead.

“Morning, se- Gah!” I exclaim as I open my eyes and am greeted by the sight of Sarah wearing the same grey cat-like mask she’d worn the night before. I sigh tiredly as Sarah doubles over in a fit of giggles, before taking off her mask and padding over to her en-suite. I smile happily as I stare over at the costume I wore last night, before laying back down in bed.

Last night was Saturday, but it was also Krystie’s 23rd birthday, so rather than the usual ‘girls night in’, we did something extra-special- more specifically, an old-fashioned masquerade ball. Sarah and Lauren, having completed all their college work, worked extra-hard creating long, slinky dresses to wear, which were especially fun when combined with the fancy masks, the bicep-length evening gloves and the extra-tight corsets we all wore last night. In total, Sarah and Lauren created five dresses- one for each of them, one for me, one for Katie, one for the birthday girl… And none for Dannii, who once again wore an off-the-rack dress to the party.

Even at her own eighteenth birthday the previous month, Dannii was snubbed by the rest of the ‘Teen Angels’, despite our bosses’ best efforts to get us to celebrate as a ‘team’. Dannii’s party had a ‘1997’ theme, meaning boys dressed as David Beckham or the Gallagher brothers and girls dressed as the Spice Girls or one of the girls from Friends. Dannii herself looked great in her tiny Union Jack dress, and seemed to be having fun… But Sarah, Katie, Lauren and I would’ve given anything to be somewhere else.

After I take Sarah’s place under the shower, I dress in a very plain black miniskirt and light yellow tank top as I watch Sarah throw various items of clothing, swimwear and make-up into her suitcase, before we head to my house where I similarly pack a suitcase.

“Excited yet, girls?” Mum asks as we dump our suitcases in the entrance hall. “Your first big holiday away together, four days of sun, sea and sand…”

“A bit,” I say, trying to force a smile on my face.

“Only ‘a bit’?” Mum laughs. “You know how bad I feel that we were never able to give you a proper foreign holiday when you were growing up… Guess I can start feeling less guilty about that, heh.”

“I never really missed it,” I say. “Trust me when I say that you and dad have nothing to be guilty about!"

“Though it WILL be different going somewhere other than America this year,” Sarah says. “Just wish we were going by ourselves…”

“Really?” Mum asks. “I’d have thought that going on holiday with your friends would be the dream holiday for an eighteen year old girl. A whole group of you having fun, hopefully NOT drinking too much…”

“Four of us going on holiday together would be a dream,” I say.

“FIVE of us, on the other hand…” Sarah sighs. We spend the rest of the day relaxing, checking and double-checking our suitcases and making sure our passports and our foreign currency are securely tucked away, before heading to bed for an early night. As I cuddle up next to Sarah, I can feel just how tense her body is about the prospect of the holiday, and it’s not hard to guess what, or rather, who’s making her so tense.

“Come on,” I say, burying my face in Sarah’s bare shoulder. “Holidays are supposed to be a time to relax, and this is technically our first holiday together…”

“I know,” Sarah sighs. “And I keep telling myself that I need to let go of my worries, I try to use those techniques my counsellor’s been teaching me, it’s just… Ugh. Four days with her there every second of the day? I don’t think there’s any coping technique that can deal with THAT…”

“Just forget about Dannii,” I say. “Concentrate on us. It’s our only holiday before you get too busy with university, anyway…”

“Very true,” Sarah says, rolling over and giving me a kiss. “Get some sleep, beautiful!” Sarah rolls back over and immediately shuts her eyes, which I take as my cue to do the same, as has been the case every time I’ve raised the topic of university. Sarah is still undecided as to where she wants to go to university- the unconditional offer from Salford is still on the table, as is an unconditional offer from the University of Lincoln, but both those places are way in the north, miles away from London and miles away from me… Sarah still talks about moving away, living the ‘proper’ student lifestyle… But every time I try to talk to her seriously about it, she changes the subject. I’m hoping her reluctance to confirm her place for next year is because she hopes that LCF will accept her, but even then, Sarah would have to compromise, give up her dream of being a ‘proper’ student. I actually feel guilty, in a way- if it wasn’t for me, the decision for Sarah would be easy… But at the same time, as neither of us are wearing a ring on the third finger of our left hand, there’s evidence to suggest that Sarah’s ALWAYS had difficulty reaching a decision.

I promised myself that I’d put all thoughts of proposals and engagement rings out of my head until Sarah’s made her decision about university, but as hard as I try, I can’t shake my obsession with the ring that I know Sarah still owns. Whenever I feel that I can get away with it, I search through Sarah’s drawers, desperately looking for the ring, but I never find it. I even occasionally try to feel for it through the lining of Sarah’s handbag, but if it’s in there, it’s too well-hidden for me to find. I still carry mw own ring with me everywhere I go. I even have it packed in my hand luggage, ready to take on the plane with me, though I don’t imagine for one second I’ll get the opportunity to give it to Sarah at any point during the holiday.

Even though it’s the middle of summer, it’s still dark outside when my phone’s alarm wakes me, forcing me to drag my groggy body out of bed and to the bathroom, where I shower as quietly as possible so as not to wake the rest of the house. After Sarah and I have both showered, I dress in a very short blue summer dress, before grabbing my handbag, my sunglasses and my suitcase and heading out the front door, Sarah following close behind.

A short while later, just as the first slivers of sunlight poke over the horizon, we arrive at London’s vast Heathrow airport, which is already bustling with activity. Even despite the crowd, it doesn’t take long for us to find three familiar faces, each of them looking as tired as we feel- though one of those faces is doing a good job of not showing its tiredness.

“Hey girlies!” Dannii squeaks as she excitedly bounces up and down. “Or should I say ‘Ola senoritas’?”

“You failed your Spanish GCSE!” Lauren chuckles at the tall girl, who simply brushes off the comment.

“Come on,” Dannii moans. “I wanna get checked in, then we can get some breakfast, and maybe a little sangria…?”

“At 5 in the morning?” Sarah asks.

“That what the siesta’s for!” Dannii shrugs. After we check in, the five of us head to the comfortable departure lounge, where Katie and Sarah take the opportunity to get a little extra sleep- and Dannii takes the opportunity to keep talking at a million miles an hour, seemingly unaware that no one’s interested in listening to her.

“Oh my god,” Dannii enthuses, irritating not just myself and Lauren but many of the other travellers as well. “I haven’t been to Spain in years! Last time I went it was me and my parents four years ago, we went to Madrid, then went to Benidorm for the day, it was SO cool, I had such an awesome tan when I went back to school that September!”

“I remember,” Lauren says, obviously trying her hardest not to sigh. “Think my family went to Disneyland Paris that year…”

“Ahh, I went there when I was eight,” Dannii giggles. “Oh my god, that was ten years ago! This holiday is going to be SO amazing…” A quick glance over my shoulder reminds me of exactly why Dannii is so enthusiastic this early in the morning- the tired-looking camerawoman and sound man following our every move.

Despite the Angels’ reality TV show losing viewers in its second season, it was still renewed for a third season to be broadcast in 2016. Virtually everyone involved, however, believes that the third season will likely be the last one, so Joshua- the owner of the agency to which the Angels and the ‘Teen Angels’ are signed- has decided to ‘mix things up’ a little and have an episode or two focussing on other ‘Angel groups’, such as mine. Now that all five of us are eighteen, we’re able to consent to having our every move filmed for the show, though all of us- except for Dannii- quickly came to regret that decision. Still, we are getting paid for the privilege of having our holiday filmed, and the holiday was partially paid for by the agency, so it’s not ALL bad… Even if Dannii is, somehow, still talking as we board the small, cramped plane.

“Oh my god,” Dannii moans for what seems like the hundredth time. “Couldn’t they have given me the emergency exit seat? Still, it’s hardly the worst flight I’ve ever been on, one time we went to Istanbul, oh my god, that flight was just EVIL!”

“It’s your fault for having freakishly long legs,” Katie sleepily moans, making Dannii giggle even as her legs are squished up against her body.

“The cameras are off now,” Lauren sighs. “Honestly, get some rest before we get to Spain…”

“I can’t sleep, I’m too excited!” Dannii squeaks. “My first girly holiday, OUR first girly holiday away…”

“How is she still so energetic?” Sarah whispers to me out of earshot of the other three girls. “Do- do you think she, you know, took something before getting on the plane?”

“I don’t know, I don’t WANT to know,” I sigh, resting my head on Sarah’s shoulder. “Still, she does have a point, this IS our first girly holiday away…”

“You know,” Sarah says, “when we went to LA in 2012, I tried to persuade my mum to bring you with us so you could spend a whole week as a girl, going to the beach, wearing a bikini… Of course, we were both only fifteen back then, she’d never have gone for it…”

“I’ll just have to make up for it this week by wearing a bikini everywhere I go,” I say, making Sarah giggle and give me a quick kiss as the plane roars down the runway. Before long, we’re in the air, heading south into the sweltering Spanish heat.

Five hours later- after a two hour layover in Madrid- our plane touches down in the small airport just outside the Spanish town of Malaga- our home away from home for the next four days. After grabbing a light, but still very tasty lunch at the airport, the five of us head to the hotel to check in, before changing into our swimwear and heading to the beach. Sarah and I have a room to ourselves, so I get to enjoy every second of Sarah stripping out of her dress and pulling on her tiny off-white bikini. Of course, I return the favour for my lover, letting her watch as I pull on my own lilac bikini. My bikini may not be quite as skimpy as Sarah’s- more through necessity than any modesty on my part- but it’s still small enough to show off my flat tummy and my healthy cleavage. After applying sunscreen to each other’s smooth, hairless skin, we both pull on loose, floaty sarongs and wide sun hats before heading down to the beach, where our friends (and a discreet camera crew) are all ready and waiting for us. Katie, like myself and Sarah, has pulled on a bikini and a sarong, whilst Lauren has opted for a tight purple one-piece swimsuit with cutaway panels that show off her enviable curves. Dannii, of course, has gone for the most extreme look of all of us- she’s wearing a pristine white bikini that has only just enough fabric to cover her nipples, and has a narrow, almost thong-like back that bares most of her buttocks to the sun as she lays on her towel allowing the sun to brown her skin.

“God, the sun feels SO good,” Lauren sighs happily as she stretches her short body out on her sun lounger.

“So then,” Dannii giggles. “Got your eye on any hunky Spanish men?”

“I’m perfectly happy with the hunky ENGLISH man I have back at home,” Lauren giggles. “How about you, gonna make use of your single status and your mile-long legs this week?”

“My legs, yes, my single status… Kinda doesn’t exist anymore,” Dannii giggles. “As you’ll find out when my new bae arrives on Wednesday!”

“Wait, what?” Katie asks. “You’re bringing your boyfriend along even when me and Lauren were specifically asked not to?”

“He’s only coming out on Wednesday,” Dannii argues. “We’ll both be flying back on Thursday, he just wanted a day in the sun so I told him he could come out for one night. Why d’you think I got a double room all to myself?”

“Umm, because the hotel only has double rooms?” Katie retorts. “I can’t believe I have to share a bed with Lauren when you get to share it with a guy…”

“No offence taken,” Lauren says indignantly, whilst Sarah and I watch and grow ever tired of the argument.

“Want to go for a dip in the sea?” Sarah asks.

“Ehh… Been a while since I last did any swimming,” I laugh.

“You used to be on the school’s swimming team!” Sarah giggles.

“Only as an excuse to keep my arms and legs shaved,” I remind my lover. “And besides, I’ve never swam with these before…” I playfully cup my breasts, making Sarah giggle even harder.

“Come on,” Sarah says, taking my hand and leading me to the water’s edge as our three friends continue to argue.

As the sun begins to set later on in the day, the five of us- complete with our fledgling tans- head back to the hotel, changing back into our light dresses before eating dinner.

“So,” Sarah asks as we eat. “Anyone got any plans for tonight? Maybe hit one of the local bars, the local clubs?”

“They’ll probably be quiet on a Monday,” Lauren says, still clearly seething from the earlier argument on the beach. “I’ll probably get to bed early, sleep off the flight. Assuming Katie doesn’t mind, of course…”

“There’s always a sofa if you’d prefer it…” Katie mumbles under her breath.

“Girlies,” I say before Lauren has a chance to respond. “We’re here because we want to relax, we want to have a good time… We should probably all get early nights, the flight was long and cramped, I’m sure we’ll all feel better after a decent night’s sleep.”

“You’re right,” Katie sighs. “Is this your first ever holiday as a girl, Nikki?”

“It’s my first ever holiday AT ALL,” I say. “You know my parents aren’t that well-off, other than the occasional day out to Brighton or Southend we never really had the chance to get away when I was younger…”

“Oh, that sucks,” Lauren says. “You never even went anywhere like Alton Towers, or Disneyland?”

“Nope,” I sigh. “Think I went to Legoland once, but that was it…”

“Well then,” Dannii says. “We’re going to have to make sure that this first holiday of yours is EXTRA special, aren’t we?”

“Yeah!” Sarah says, involuntarily squeezing my hand.

“Yeah,” Lauren and Katie says in a much less enthusiastic voice. I force a smile on my face despite my tiredness and my dread over what Dannii could mean by ‘special’- though as she has a boyfriend now, hopefully that’ll mean that she’s no longer obsessing over me…

The five of us head to bed just after 10pm, which still technically counts as an early night as it’ll only be 9pm in London. Even though I lay my head on the pillow hoping to quickly fall asleep, the presence of Sarah’s smooth, warm arm snaking itself around my torso tells me that I’ll be awake for a while longer…

“Mmm…” I dreamily moan as the alarm on Sarah’s phone goes off.

“Buenos días, preciosa,” Sarah says, gently kissing my shoulder. “Want to get up?”

“Do we have to?” I ask, making Sarah smile happily. “It IS our holiday, after all…” I give Sarah a long, lazy kiss on her lips, and we soon disappear back beneath the covers…

“And precisely what the hell kept you two?” Katie asks as Sarah and I walk into the hotel’s restaurant hand-in-hand, both wearing loose, short dresses over our bikinis.

“Oh, use your imagination, Katie!” Lauren giggles, making the freckled girl roll her eyes.

“Where’s Dannii?” Sarah asks, almost making me double-take- normally Dannii’s absence would be a cause of celebration for Sarah.

“Still in bed,” Lauren sighs. “Or gone out early, I dunno.”

“Can’t believe she’s bringing her boyfriend along,” Katie moans.

“I know,” Sarah sighs. “This was supposed to be the last holiday for us before we head off to university…”

“Whoa,” I say. “Enough of the ‘last’, please? It’s also supposed to be our first holiday together…” I wince a little as I stare at Sarah’s disapproving face- I’ve clearly touched a nerve.

“You’re right,” Lauren says with a smile. “The first of many! At least, until we start getting married…” Another glance at Sarah makes me wince even harder- Lauren clearly touched an even more sensitive nerve…

“ANYWAY,” Katie says. “I need breakfast, and fast!” The three of us smile as we follow Katie to the breakfast buffet. We all select delicious Spanish Omelettes to eat and fresh orange juice to drink, and by the time we’ve filled out bellies we can’t wait to head down to the beach for another relaxing day of sun, sea and sand. However, before we can move from our table, we’re interrupted by the arrival of the fifth member of our group.

“Hey girlies!” Dannii squeaks excitedly as she sits down between Lauren and Katie. “Sorry I’m late, I went for a pre-breakfast dip in the hotel pool… So, what did I miss? Is Katie as cuddly in bed as Michael?”

“Heh,” Lauren grunts, clearly trying to avoid the question.

“Is that ‘heh yes’ or ‘heh no’?” Dannii probes.

“Aren’t you hungry?” Lauren asks.

“No,” Dannii giggles. “Got to save room for all the alcohol I’ll be drinking tonight! But first, this skin needs a LOT more sun!” Just as suddenly as she had appeared, Dannii disappears again, leaving the four of us almost speechless at the table.

“…So I guess she didn’t want breakfast, then?” Katie asks.

“I gave up trying to work out what was going on in her head a LONG time ago,” Lauren says as she wearily rises from her seat. “Notice anyone else missing this morning?”

“The camera crew?” Katie asks. “Thought they went home yesterday?”

“Maybe,” Lauren sighs. “Though I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s footage of Dannii swimming in the pool included on the broadcast…” With Dannii inevitably already at the beach, Sarah and I head back to our room where we change into fresh bikinis and sarongs, before donning our sunhats and heading back to the beach where we were yesterday. Obviously, every time we top up our sunscreen, we attract quite a lot of attention from the (mostly British) male holidaymakers- especially when we have to untie the backs of our bikini tops. After one such occasion- when Sarah had to all but remove my top- I take a deep breath before raising a topic that Sarah had brushed off at breakfast, but that I wanted to talk more about.

“Sarah,” I cautiously ask my lover. “About what you said at breakfast… Do you really think this will be the only time the five of us will be on holiday like this? You know, together?”

“Well, four of us plus Dannii, anyway,” Sarah giggles, but I’m in no mood to let her change the topic just like that.

“Seriously, though,” I say. “We’ll always be friends, right, the five of us? Or ‘the four of us plus Dannii’, if you’d prefer?”

“Well…” Sarah sighs. “Who knows where the future will take us?”

“Places like Salford?” I ask, visibly souring Sarah’s mood. “Or Lincoln?”

“Can we not talk about this right now?” Sarah growls.

“We haven’t talked about it at all over the last month,” I whine. “I kinda need to know if I have to live without you for weeks at a time, because- because I’m not sure that I could…”

“We’ve got the rest of the holiday together,” Sarah says.

“I don’t just want ‘the rest of the holiday’,” I moan. “I want the rest of our lives!” I gulp as I see Sarah shiver. I hadn’t meant to propose, not now, not until she’s certain about her future… Is Sarah taking this as a proposal?

“I’d like that too,” Sarah whispers. “It’s just… We may not be able to share ALL of the rest of our lives…” I grab Sarah’s hand and hold it tight, hoping futilely that this one gesture will be able to keep Sarah with me forever- though I’ll settle for just the next thirty seconds.

We stay on the beach until late in the afternoon, and after the sun starts to set we head back to our hotel rooms where we exchange our sunscreen for a thick layer of make-up, our bikinis for tiny, tight clubbing dresses and our flip-flops for extra-high heels. Dannii, of course, is wearing the highest heels of all of us, and when we enter the first club we come to, she actually has to duck her head to get through the door.

“I had a look at this place online,” Dannii yells over the noise of the club. “It’s a popular place for tourists so everyone here speaks English. The downside of course is that there are no hunky Spanish guys to stare at!”

“Or fiery Spanish girls for you two!” Katie giggles at myself and Sarah.

“Oh, no no no,” Sarah says, wrapping her arm around my waist. “I am strictly Nikkisexual!”

“And I’m strictly Sarahsexual!” I giggle, also wrapping an arm around Sarah’s tiny waist before giving her a kiss, much to the delight of our three friends- and virtually everyone in the club!

“First things first!” Katie yells. “I need alcohol!” Sarah, Lauren, Dannii and I all giggle in agreement as we head to the bar and the two very well-built young men behind the bar.

“Hola,” Sarah giggles nervously at the tall man. “Cinco vasos de sangría por favor!”

“You are English, aren’t you?” The bartender asks as he pours the drinks. “You and your friends… Just finished your first year of university?”

“Just about to start,” Sarah says, leaning forward and giving the bartender a good, long look at her cleavage. Needless to say, this puts a frown on my face, a frown that only deepens as Sarah’s giggles get louder.

“Two can play at that game,” I mumble to myself as I slide up next to Sarah and surprise her with a long kiss on her lips.

“Hey Nikki,” Sarah says with surprise in her voice. “I’m just getting in the drinks…”

“You two… you are a couple?” The bartender asks.

“Yep!” I say, tossing my hair back and leaning forward just like Sarah. A smug grin creeps across my face when it becomes immediately apparent that the bartender is just as interested in my cleavage as he is with Sarah’s.

“Nikki,” Sarah says privately to me, “What are you doing?”

“Getting to know the locals?” I reply, earning a frown from my lover, who pays for our drinks and drags me back to our table.

“You- you were flirting!” Sarah says accusingly.

“So were you!” I retort.

“Yeah, well-“ Sarah says, before pausing, and finally sighing.

“Don’t tell me it’s okay for you because you’re ‘really a girl’,” I say.

“I’d never say anything like that,” Sarah says. “You know that… But you were giving him the impression that he could have a threesome with us!”

“How is that any different than you giving him the impression he could have a twosome with you?” I retort.

“Well- ugh,” Sarah spits, realising that she again has no answer. “Can we try to have a good time, please?”

“Sure,” I say, sipping my drink. “It was weird, though, flirting with a guy… Never realised just how hypnotic these things are!” I give my chest a quick shake, causing Sarah to almost choke on her drink with laughter.

“Never mind ‘girl rays’,” Sarah laughs. “Try ‘girl cannons’!” Sarah smiles as we look deep into each other’s eyes, before sharing another long, soft kiss.

“Wanna dance?” I ask, making Sarah smile even wider.

“I’d love that,” Sarah says, taking my hand and leading me onto the heaving dancefloor. Two hours later, with our heads buzzing and our feet aching, Sarah and I return to our table hand-in-hand, where Katie and Lauren are already waiting for us.

“Great night!” Katie yells, her breath giving away the fact that she’s had a LOT to drink.

“Great WEEK!” I laugh. “Kinda wish we could stay a little longer, even despite the jolly blonde giant… Where the hell is she, anyway?” I scan the dancefloor, trying to see Dannii- someone with platinum blonde hair who stands 6’ 5” in her heels should be easy to spot, but there’s no sight of her anywhere…

“I need the little girls’ room,” Lauren announces, finishing her drink. Of course, Katie, Sarah and I follow Lauren to the restroom- even though I don’t really need the toilet, it’s still an excuse to touch up my make-up. When the four of us enter the room, however, we‘re greeted by an unexpected- and highly unwelcome- sound.

"Yes!" Dannii's unmistakable voice yells. "Yes! YES!"

"D-Dannii!?" Lauren yells.

"L-Lauren!?" Dannii yells back, causing the soft 'banging' sound we'd been hearing to be replaced by a loud, singular thump of something heavy hitting the cubicle door. The four of us watch, our jaws on the floor, as a tall, muscular man stumbles out of the cubicle, leaving Dannii alone with her panties around her ankles.

“Mierda mierda mierda mierda!” The man says, zipping up his fly and hurrying out of the restroom

“What. The. FUCK!?!?” Lauren screeches at her former best friend. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“Oh, whatever, I’m on holiday,” Dannii shrugs as she catches her breath and tidies herself up. “What happens in Malaga stays in Malaga…”

“I’m guessing by the Spanish that I just heard that he ISN’T your new boyfriend?” Katie asks. “And unprotected, too?”

“I’m on the pill,” Dannii shrugs as she fixes her make-up, her hands shaking slightly from the alcohol she’s consumed- and for other more obvious reasons. “Stop judging me for god’s sake, you’re all so… So… Boring!”

“Seriously?” Sarah asks. “So in your mind, to be ‘interesting’ I have to hump every guy in sight?”

“Only the really cute ones,” Dannii shrugs.

“Is that in addition to or instead of the boyfriend you supposedly have?” Katie asks.

“Oh for god’s sake,” Dannii sighs. “It’s not cheating if you don’t get caught. Loosen up a little...”

“Yeah, and you’d know all about being ‘loose’, wouldn’t you, Dannii?” Sarah says with a smug look, prompting a truly evil glare from the tall blonde girl.

“Girls!” Lauren shouts as Sarah and Dannii begin to square up to each other.

“I’d rather be ‘loose’ than an ugly, frigid bitch who doesn’t know how to have fun!” Dannii spits. “You ought to be thankful that I’m here, knowing you you’d probably spend the whole holiday indoors reading or something…”

“The only reason you’re on this holiday is because the agency insisted we brought you with us,” Sarah retorts. “That’s basically all you are- a giant, blonde suitcase that everybody hopes get lost on the way home!” My eyes go wide as Dannii lets out a truly terrifying-sounding screech before launching herself at Sarah. I barely get between them in time, but I immediately wish I hadn’t as Dannii’s extra-long nails claw at me, leaving three deep red trails on my upper arm. Dannii’s jaw drops as she sees the blood slowly trickle down my arm, before grabbing her handbag and storming out of the restroom.

“Oh my god, Nikki…” Katie whispers. “Are- are you okay?”

“Umm, I guess,” I say, wincing as the adrenaline and alcohol begin to thin in my blood and the pain begins to set in. “Ow…”

“We should get you out of here,” Lauren says, leading me out of the club as I press a wad of paper towels into my wounds.

“And prove Dannii right?” I ask.

“You’re not going to have fun if you’re bleeding everywhere!” Lauren says, getting out her phone and finding directions to the nearest hospital.

“And we’re not going to have fun without you!” Katie insists. I smile as my three best friends lead me to the nearest A&E department. It especially means a lot to hear Katie say what she did- in the two months between her turning eighteen and me turning eighteen, she partied harder than anyone, seemingly showing little regard for the fact that I (and by extension, Sarah) couldn’t join in, so to hear her say that she wouldn’t want to have fun without either of us truly means a lot.

Fortunately, my wounds don’t need any stitches to repair- just disinfectant, a weird sticky gel and a roll of gauze.

“Bye-bye tan,” I moan as I exit the hospital, my friends following closely behind.

“Do you want to go back to the hotel, call it a night?” Katie asks.

“Umm, the night’s still young, and so are we!” I laugh.

“Don’t feel pressured because of what Dannii said,” Lauren says. “Your hands are still shaking… You’re obviously not up for anything else tonight.” I sigh and nod my head- Lauren is, of course, right.

“Doesn’t mean you three can’t enjoy the rest of the night, though,” I say.

“Umm, no?” Sarah says. “I’m not going ANYWHERE without you!”

“Same here!” Lauren and Katie both agree, giggling as they lead me back to the hotel. As I climb into bed, though, I can’t help but wonder how sincere Sarah is when she says she’ll never go anywhere without me…

I wince as I roll over onto my still-stinging arm and open my eyes, blinking to adjust to the sunlight streaming into the room.

“Morning, flirty!” Sarah giggles, rolling over in bed and giving me a long kiss.

“Morning,” I sigh happily, rolling off of my wounded arm and kissing Sarah back. “I would say ‘want to hit the beach?’, but, well…”

“You’ll still be beautiful even with a lop-sided tan,” Sarah says with a warm smile. “I’m going to hit the shower first though, don’t want to soak my feet in all your blood!” Sarah laughs as I hurl a pillow at her, narrowly missing her naked form as it disappears into the en-suite. After showering myself (and changing the dressing on my arm), I pull on a comfortable dark blue one-piece swimsuit, before throwing on a loose, short-sleeved dress that thankfully covers my bandage, before heading down to breakfast with the woman I love.

“Hey…” Katie says softly as we approach the table where she and Lauren are sat. “How’s your arm?”

“Stings a bit,” I sigh. “Where’s ‘suitcase’?”

“You really care?” Lauren snorts. “Haven’t seen her. We were planning on heading into town today after breakfast, do a little shopping…”

“Sounds great,” I say, before grabbing myself another delicious Spanish Omelette to eat. Once all four of us have filled our bellies, we start to head out of the restaurant, only to once again be intercepted by the fifth member of our group.

“Hey, girlies!” Dannii says with a smug smile that almost makes my blood boil- and looking at my friends, I can tell I’m hardly the only one feeling irritated by her mere presence. “I’ve got a surprise for you all…”

“Does it involve drawing blood this time?” I ask.

“Or an apology?” Sarah asks.

“Oh, don’t worry, I’ve forgiven you all for last night,” Dannii says, eliciting gasps of shock from the four of us. “Anyway, I wanted to introduce you all to something that just got into Spain an hour ago…” Sensing his cue, Dannii’s new boyfriend steps out from behind the restaurant door, and my jaw drops when I see exactly who it is.

“Hello girls,” the familiar man says with a smug smile as he wraps his arm around Dannii’s tiny waist. “We have been formally introduced before of course, but let me do the honours again. I’m Paul, Paul Gould. Nice to meet you all!”

“…Jamie’s ex-boyfriend?” I ask.

“Her loss,” Paul laughs, before planting a long, deep kiss on Dannii’s lips. “My gain!”

“Aren’t you, like, ten years older than Dannii?” Katie asks.

“EIGHT years,” Dannii says. “And whatever, we’re both adults, we can make our own decisions…”

“Yeah, you certainly proved that last night,” Sarah says, earning another filthy stare from Dannii.

“And what exactly do you mean by that?” Dannii asks, almost as if she’s daring Sarah to spill the beans about her infidelity.

“Oh… nothing,” Sarah says with an obviously fake sweet smile. Clearly she wants Dannii to know that she COULD drop her in it at any time, and having that power over Dannii is preferable to just dropping her in it here and now.

“Anyway,” Dannii says. “I’d love to stay and chat, but my new bae and I have plans elsewhere. See you all for dinner!” Sarah, Lauren, Katie and I address the new couple with withering stares as they flounce off together, Dannii’s hand firmly installed in Paul’s back pocket.

“In fairness,” I say quietly, “Jamie has told me that he’s REALLY good in bed.”

“Meh, they deserve each other,” Lauren sighs as we resume our trek back to our rooms. “We’ve still got euros that need spending before we fly home tomorrow, meet you in the reception in half an hour?”

“See you there!” I say before heading back to my room with Sarah.

The four of us spend virtually the whole day walking around the town (wearing flats rather than heels, obviously), buying souvenirs, eating lunch at a local restaurant (which allowed Lauren and Sarah to show off their knowledge of Spanish) and enjoying the sun away from the crowded beach, before returning to the hotel for a late dinner. Once we’ve eaten, we prepare to head back to our rooms to pack for tomorrow’s flight home, when- for what feels like the hundredth time this week- we run into Dannii entering the restaurant.

“Hey girlies!” Dannii squeaks excitedly, making the four of us all grimace. “I had simply the BEST day today with Paul! What are you girls up to tonight? There are plenty more clubs in Malaga to explore…”

“We had a good day too, thanks,” Katie says. “And we’ve got an early flight tomorrow, we can’t afford to stay out too late…”

“Oh, just sleep on the plane,” Dannii says dismissively. “So come on, who’s with me for one last Spanish night out?” I open my mouth to tell Dannii exactly what she can do with her night out, only to be suddenly interrupted by my lover.

“Sounds great!” Sarah says with a smile on her face and a twinkle in her eye. “See you in reception in half an hour!”

“See you there!” Dannii squeaks excitedly before turning on her heel and leaving the restaurant.

“Seriously,” Katie sighs. “Will that girl ever come in here and actually eat?”

“Why exactly are we going out with Dannii tonight?” I ask. “To give me a matching wound on my right arm?”

“Just get back to your rooms and get your slap on,” Sarah says. “I think we need to ‘treat’ the suitcase to a night she’ll never forget…” With quizzical looks on their faces, Katie and Lauren head back to their room, whilst I follow Sarah to ours, where we once again go through the meticulous process of preparing ourselves for a night on the town. As with yesterday, we apply a thick layer of make-up to our tanned bodies- thick eyeliner, false eyelashes, dark eye shadow and loads of different colours on our lips- before squeezing our tired bodies into our tiny black dresses and tying ultra-high heeled strappy sandals to our tired feet. After dousing herself in a cloud of perfume, Sarah turns to me with a smile on her beautiful face.

“Ready?” My lover asks.

“No,” I sigh, trying to stretch my toes so they won’t be TOO tired to dance on all night. “Why exactly are we going to a club with Dannii?”

“Oh, we’re not going to any club,” Sarah says with a devilish smile as we intercept Katie and Lauren en route to reception.

“Hey girlies!” Dannii- wearing a tiny, strapless black dress and even higher heels than last night- squeaks as we meet her in reception. “Ready to go, go, go?”

“Oh yeah,” Sarah says, her wicked smile growing ever wider as she stares back at Katie, Lauren and myself. “Now.” On cue, I rush forward and grab Dannii’s legs, pulling her off her feet as Katie and Lauren grab an arm each, totally immobilising the tall girl.

“Wh- what? What are you doing?” Dannii yells in a state of near-panic. “Put me down! Help! Help!”

“It’s okay, we’re friends,” Sarah says to the bemused onlookers. “Right out the door, girls,” Sarah says, and despite Dannii’s squirming, we carry her along the front of the hotel to our ultimate destination, the sight of which makes Dannii screech in terror.

“No, please, no!” Dannii begs. “Lauren, please, we’ve been friends for seven years…”

“And believe me, I’ve wanted to do this loads of times over those seven years,” Lauren says.

“Oh hey, we’ve got a crowd,” Sarah says, waving at a group of onlookers who are recording the spectacle on their smartphones. “Smile for the cameras, Dannii!” Wearily, Dannii snarls at the giggling crowd, actually trying to lunge at and bite one particular onlooker who gets too close to the five of us.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Dannii says. “I’m sorry I was mean, and bossy… Please, please don’t do this!”

“Umm… Nah, I’m still going to,” Sarah says. “On three, ready?” Lauren, Katie and I all nod, our limbs quivering with excitement as Sarah counts us in.

“One,” the four of us say in unison. “Two, three!” On ‘three’, Katie, Lauren and I hurl Dannii high in the air, squeaking with excitement as she lands, hard, in the hotel’s swimming pool. Our laughs only intensify as Dannii emerges from beneath the water, her make-up trashed by the chlorinated water and her dress tightly clinging to her body.

“You- it- I-“ Dannii gasps, before she lets out a small chuckle, followed by another, and another, and before too long she’s laughing as hard as anyone watching.

“Oh. My. God,” Dannii laughs as she slicks her soaking wet hair back on her head. Sensing that we’ve been instantly ‘forgiven’ for the prank, Katie, Lauren, Sarah and I look at each other and nod, before simultaneously jumping in the pool ourselves, laughing as the warm water almost immediately destroys our make-up and dresses.

“You!” Dannii laughs as she playfully splashes a handful of water over Sarah. Our impromptu ‘pool party’ quickly descends into a splash fight, before the five of us are ordered out of the pool by a very angry-looking lifeguard.

“Really wish I hadn’t worn such a short dress now,” Sarah laughs as she tugs the hem of the shrunken garment down.

“Trust me, it’s worse for me,” I say, tugging the hem of my dress down as Sarah and the lifeguard help me out of the pool. Two and a bit years of oestrogen has meant that my ‘anatomy’ is usually more than able to hide itself, but clubbing dresses can be ‘awkward’ at the best of times, let alone when they’ve had a soak in a swimming pool. I keep my knees pressed firmly together as I help Katie and Lauren out of the pool, but when it comes time to help Dannii out, the tall girl has her own devilish smile on her face, and as Sarah and I pull, Dannii pulls back, quickly dunking myself and my lover back in the pool, much to the delight of the assembled crowd.

After accepting our telling-off from the hotel’s manager (though he did mention that it was hardly the most outlandish thing that had ever happened at the hotel), we head back to our rooms to change out of our ruined dresses. Sarah and I initially decide to get ready for bed, but the ‘prank’ has re-energised us, put us in such a good mood that we don’t want the night to end. I smile as I change back into the dress I had worn earlier, even smiling as I change the dressing on my arm, before heading to the hotel bar to meet up with Katie, Lauren and Dannii- all of whom are clearly as happy as Sarah and I are.

“Do you know how many Spanish YouTube channels I’m going to be on tomorrow?” Dannii asks.

“Just a shame Joshua’s camera crew went home,” Katie says, making Dannii playfully threaten to throw a handful of nuts at her.

“Heh, I guess I do owe you guys an apology,” Dannii sighs. “Especially you two…” Sarah and I smile sadly as Dannii gestures in our direction.

“Apology accepted,” I say.

“Again,” Sarah chuckles.

“I kept thinking to myself over the last few months that the ‘Teen Angels’ wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for me already being signed was Joshua,” Dannii muses. “But really, it wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for all five of us, if you know what I mean.”

“I think I do,” I say. “It’s not ‘one of us and her four sidekicks’, it’s ‘five equals’.”

“Exactly,” Dannii said. “Just wish I hadn’t needed a dunk in the pool and a ruined dress to realise that!”

“I love this,” Katie sighs. “The five of us hanging out together, no ego or jealousy or resentment getting in the way… Just wish things could never change, that we could be like this forever.”

“Things ALWAYS change,” Sarah sighs.

“Well not us!” Dannii says confidently. “Teen Angels forever?” Dannii thrusts her hand into the middle of the table expectantly, and within seconds, Lauren, Katie, Sarah and I have all laid our hands on top of Dannii’s.

“Teen Angels forever!” The five of us cheer, much to the bemusement of the other patrons of the bar.

“And if you’re speaking about people not changing,” I say, eliciting giggles from my four friends.

“Okay, we’ll not change, unless it’s for the better!” Dannii giggles.

“The much, much better!” Sarah says, wrapping her arm around my shoulders.

“You guys will never know how much easier you made the last two years,” I sigh happily. “You three were the first real friends I ever made… You accepted me for who I am, and I’ll always love you for that.”

“If they’re your first real friends,” Sarah asks, “then what am I?”

“My soulmate, of course!” I say, giving Sarah a long kiss.

“I wish we could just stay a few more days,” Katie sighs. “Don’t want to go back to England, not yet anyway…”

“We’ll just have to come back out here next year,” Dannii shrugs.

“I… May not be up for much travelling this time next year,” I say, prompting confused stares from my friends. “I had always said that I’d have it done after my first year of uni, I’m not going to uni but it’s still the sort of time I had in mind…”

“Time for what?” Lauren asks.

“Time for the reason I was keeping my knees together after my dress shrank to a size 2,” I say, making Lauren’s eyes go wide with shock as she realises what I’m talking about. “You didn’t think I was just going to leave it ‘undone’, did you?”

“But aren’t you, you know, a little young to have it ‘done’?” Katie asks.

“I’ll be nineteen next summer,” I shrug. “Plenty of girls have had it ‘done’ younger… And I’ve already been on the hormones two years, it just makes sense.”

“And will you be happy to share a bed with someone who’s been ‘done’?” Dannii asks Sarah, who tightens her cuddle.

“I told you last night,” Sarah says. “I’m ‘Nikkisexual’. Doesn’t matter what she has going on down there, as long as she remains my all-time favouritest girl!” I lean into Sarah and give her a cuddle of my own, her words almost moving me to tears.

The five of us remain in the bar until almost midnight, before returning to our rooms and quickly falling asleep. When Sarah’s alarm wakes me, every atom of my being refuses to accept that I’m going to have to get up, unwrap myself from my lover’s embrace and get ready to head back to England. Nonetheless, within an hour, our cases are packed, our hotel room keys are handed back to the front desk and we- along with Katie, Lauren and Dannii- are in a taxi back to the airport. Unlike the flight from England, Dannii is relaxed and mercifully quiet- though she, like the rest of us, is cooing happily as she goes through all her holiday photos on her phone.

“Oh my god,” Katie exclaims as she opens a video on her iPad. “It’s already up, already had thousands of views!”

“Let me see! Let me see!” Dannii squeaks as well gather round Katie to watch on the small screen as Dannii once again screams whilst flying through the air, before her screams are silenced by the water in which she lands.

“Oh my god,” Dannii says, lowering her reddening face as she’s overcome by an uncontrollable fit of giggles. “Ugh, that’s gonna stay with me for the rest of my life, isn’t it?”

“If you’re lucky,” Lauren giggles, giving the tall girl a playful hug. “Where’s Paul, isn’t he flying back with us today?”

“He’s got a photography job just down the road in Gibraltar,” Dannii explains. “That’s actually why he flew out… Just a nice coincidence that we happened to be on holiday at the same time.”

“I did wonder why we did Malaga instead of Benidorm or Ibiza,” Katie muses. “Not that I’m complaining…”

“But we are DEFINITELY doing Ibiza during your first Easter holiday!” Dannii insists, making us all laugh. “I take it you won’t be, you know, ‘done’ until then?”

“Nope,” I say with a smile. “Ibiza, here we come! Next year.” All five of us laugh again, and before too long we head to the departure lounge where we check our luggage. During the brief time that Sarah’s bags are on the X-Ray screen, however, I can’t help but notice a very small, very faint circular item in the bottom of her handbag- very similar to the item I have in the bottom of mine- that Sarah can presumably also see as she watches my belongings go through the scanner…

Shortly afterward, the five of us board the plane and are soon in the air, touching down three hours later at Gatwick airport. I stretch myself out as I step off the plane and take a deep breath of the comparatively chilly London air.

“In a way, it is kinda good to be home,” Lauren muses. “I haven’t seen Michael in almost a week…”

“I’m gonna have to get on with my pre-course reading,” Katie sighs. “I know it sounds silly because I’ve only just come back from holiday, but I really can’t wait until September…”

“I know what you mean,” Sarah says, bringing an awkward halt to the conversation as we all realise that Sarah still doesn’t know exactly where she’ll be going in September. “Come on, let’s get our bags…”

After collecting our luggage, the five of us head back to our respective homes, and as I open my front door- with Sarah in tow- I giggle as I’m greeted by the sound of babyish laughter.

“Hi,” I shout as I dump my case in the entrance hall. “Eldest daughter just back from holiday!”

“Nikki!” Mum says with a voice of near-relief, before giving me a long hug. “How was Spain? You both look so bronzed! I hope you didn’t spend all your time just sunning yourself on the beach…”

“Spain was AMAZING,” I chuckle. “But I am glad to be home.”

“Really?” Mum asks. “’Cause you sound like you could’ve used at least another week out there…”

“Yeah, like I could afford that,” I chuckle, before heading to the sofa and giving my giggling baby sister a quick cuddle.

“Oh, this came for you in the post on Monday,” mum says, handing me an A4 envelope in exchange for Jenny. “It looks important… We didn’t want to open it before you got back.”

“What is it?” Sarah asks as she sits down next to me.

“I dunno,” I say as I rip open the envelope- though in truth, I have a good idea of what it might be, and my suspicions are confirmed when I pull a small pile of official-looking papers out of the envelope. “Oh my god… I thought it might be…”

“What is it?” Mum asks.

“My gender recognition certificate,” I say with an emotional voice, showing mum the papers. “That’s it, it’s all legal now…”

“Aww, that’s so amazing!” Mum coos, handing Jenny back to me. “Here, hold up the certificate, I want to get a photo of you, all my girls together…”

“Okay,” Sarah laughs, standing up, before being shoved back onto the sofa by my mum.

“ALL my girls,” mum says with a warm smile, before taking her photograph. “What are you going to do now?”

“Well, I suppose I’ll have to get my driving licence and passport changed,” I sigh.

“No, I mean today!” Mum laughs. “It’s only 5 o’clock, are your celebrity friends not throwing a welcome back party for you or something?”

“We only had a party last Saturday!” I laugh. “I think they’re taking us out tomorrow night, though of course we do that every Friday…”

“Guess I’ll go and make some dinner then,” mum says. “You LEGAL girls hungry?”

“Yes, please,” Sarah says, taking Jenny off me as I study my certificate a bit more. “So cool…”

“It does of course mean that if we ever get married, it can’t be in a church as it’d legally be a gay marriage,” I say, before my eyes widen as I realise what I said.

“Umm, yeah,” Sarah stutters. “I- I don’t really believe in god that much anyway…”

“Don’t say that whilst you’re cuddling your GODdaughter!” I giggle.

“Hehe,” Sarah giggles. “I’m really going to miss Jenny if I go away to university…”

“Please, please don’t go,” I moan, bringing tears to Sarah’s eyes.

“You know it won’t be forever,” Sarah whispers, giving Jenny a quick kiss on her forehead.

“One MINUTE away from you is too much,” I sigh.

“We’ve still got two months,” Sarah says. “We should enjoy them, make the most of them…”

“Even though tomorrow I know we’ll have one day less?” I ask.

“ESPECIALLY because tomorrow we know we’ll have one day less.” Sarah says, leaning in and giving me a soft kiss. “I love you, Nikki. I’ll always love you, and only you, no matter how many miles separate us.”

“I love you too,” I whisper, resting my head against Sarah’s. After dinner, we spend the rest of the evening going through our holiday photos and videos. Dannii’s dunking is already in the process of going viral, having been viewed by thousands and shared hundreds of times on Facebook- including by Dannii herself and a couple of the Angels. Perversely, it seems as though our attempt to teach Dannii some humility is actually going to end up INCREASING her fame- though neither Sarah nor me mind as much as we would have done this time last week.

Eventually, and inevitably, Sarah and I end up in bed together, our naked bodies pressed together despite the summer heat. I cuddle Sarah tight as she starts to fall asleep- if we are to be separated, I want to make sure I have as much contact with her for as long as I possibly can…

“It’s so beautiful,” Sarah says as she looks out over the Mediterranean Sea. “I’m so glad we came…” I link my fingers with Sarah’s as I also stare out over the clear blue water, my pristine white wedding dress fluttering in the gentle breeze.

“I have to go now,” Sarah says, unlinking her fingers from mine and slowly walking away. I reach for Sarah, try to cry out, try to run after her, but no sound leaves my mouth and my feet are firmly rooted to the spot. I start to panic as the beach begins to fade into darkness, before my eyes suddenly jolt open and I find myself back in my bedroom, clinging to Sarah’s slumbering form as though my life depended on it- and the way I feel right now, it just might depend on it.

Sarah and I sleep in until 9:30am- even though I’m technically not ‘on’ holiday any more, the Angels were more than happy to give me the entire week off- before getting up, showering and dressing for the day. We both opt for short, frilly skirts, tight tank tops and flip-flops today- we worked hard for our tans, and by god, we’re going to show them off. After saying goodbye to mum and Jenny, we both get in my car and head to Sarah’s house.

“Mum?” Sarah asks as she opens the door. “You in?”

“At work, I’d guess?” I say as we’re greeted by silence.

“Yeah,” Sarah sighs as she drags her suitcase upstairs and starts unpacking whilst I head into the kitchen. “Can you make us a coffee while you’re down there?”

“Sure,” I say. “Hey, you’ve got some post too…”

“Cool, I’ll check it in a bit,” Sarah says as I lazily flick through the envelopes, freezing when I see one with the letters ‘LCF’ emblazoned on the front. With my legs wobbling and my hands shaking, I lower myself into a nearby chair, holding the envelope as though I were handling a priceless work of art.

“Okay,” Sarah says as she enters the kitchen. “Washing away, packing- well, unpacked… Caffeine time!”

“Sarah…” I whisper, handing my lover the envelope.

“Oh my god,” Sarah gasps, shakily lowering herself into a chair next to me. “This- this is it…” Without any prompting, Sarah opens the letter and starts reading. My heart breaks as I see a single tear trickle down her left cheek- she hasn’t got in, and in a few weeks’ time, she’ll be leaving…

“Sarah…?” I ask, barely restraining my own tears.

“I’ve… I’ve been accepted,” Sarah whispers. “The interview must have gone better than I thought, they’ve offered me a place…”

“Are- are you going-“ I ask before being silenced as Sarah launches herself at me, wrapping me in the tightest hug she can manage.

“Of course I’m going to accept their offer!” Sarah yells, making me cry tears of pure happiness.

“I love you so much,” I blub into Sarah’s shoulder.

“I love you too,” Sarah sniffles, clearly crying more tears of her own. “I- I should text Katie and Lauren, tell them the good news… This is so amazing!”

“A part of me kinda wishes I was going with you,” I sigh. “Guess I’ll just have to settle for having you every second of the day that you AREN’T at college!”

“Are you still planning on joining us together at the hip now that I’m staying in London?” Sarah giggles as she starts composing a text message. “Because, you know, I’d be totally okay with that…”

“Hips, hands… genitals,” I say, distracting Sarah with a long, deep kiss.

“Plenty of time for THAT later,” Sarah says. “The rest of our lives, actually…” After composing her text message, Sarah returns her phone to her bag, but lingers before pulling her hand back out. Now that she knows she’s staying in London, there’s no reason for her not to propose… There’s no reason for me not to either, for that matter. Come on, Sarah…

“We should text Jamie and Charlotte as well!” Sarah says, withdrawing her empty hand from her handbag. “See if we can extort a ‘going away to uni’ party from them for me, Katie and Lauren…”

“Might be tricky, I think that’s around the same time as Jamie’s birthday,” I say. “Doesn’t hurt to ask, though. Even though you’re not technically going ‘away’!” Sarah giggles again before giving me another long, lingering kiss.

We spend the rest of the day at Sarah’s house preparing for her future as an undergraduate student. Needless to say, immediately after releasing me Sarah called the London College of Fashion to accept their offer before switching on her laptop and spending a lot of her savings on course materials including more books than I’ve ever owned in my life. When Beverly returns, we let her know the good news. She’s obviously ecstatic that she’ll get to ‘keep hold’ of her only child for a few more years and is especially happy that Sarah got onto her preferred course, but probably the happiest people- besides myself and Sarah, of course- are Katie and Lauren, who mob Sarah with a tight group hug when we meet up with them for our traditional Friday girls’ night out. Dannii, Jamie and Hannah- also on the night out tonight- also give Sarah tight hugs when they find out the good news.

“So amazing,” Jamie sighs happily as we take our seats in the VIP area of our chosen nightclub. “You’re going to get to be together for at least another three years!”

“Teen Angels forever!” Sarah, Lauren and Katie all giggle simultaneously.

“I… Wouldn’t go THAT far,” Jamie says with a knowing smile. “I know, I shouldn’t mix business with pleasure, but I’m sure you’ve noticed that the ‘Teen Angels’ haven’t been as successful as we’d hoped…”

“So… What? We’re getting dropped?” I ask, my heart suddenly sinking again.

“More like… ‘Promoted’,” Hannah giggles. “That video you recorded? The media LOVE it, especially when they found out that you guys were tight with us. Joshua’s definitely going to use it in a future episode of the Angels.”

“Which we can’t do unless you’re ‘proper’ Angels,” Jamie giggles. “So, I guess, welcome to the club!”

“Oh my god!” Dannii squeaks. “Thank you, thank you so much!”

“Obviously your uni will come first,” Hannah says. “And the show itself will still be about the six of us… But you’ll get more than just fifteen minutes of fame, I guarantee you that!”

“And you’re not the only group being absorbed into the Angels,” Jamie explains. “There’s Out of Heaven as well, and we’re looking at grouping together some of the other girls who are currently signed to Joshua. You just have the ‘honour’ of being the first- well, second, I guess!”

“To the Angels!” Hannah toasts. “ALL of us!”

“The Angels!” Sarah, Katie, Lauren, Dannii and I all toast.

As I drink and dance the night away, I muse on how everything has changed in my life- but these changes are to be embraced, like my gender recognition certificate and my new-found ‘Angel’ status. As much as things have changed, though, all the important things have remained the same- a fact I’m reminded of every time Sarah stares into my eyes and smiles. All my fears, all my panicking over the last few months was for nothing- she’s staying in London, staying with me. And yet, our ring fingers are still bare. The one thing I’ve learned about Sarah is that she may be even more reluctant to embrace change than I am… Even changes that are for the better. And Sarah and I making it ‘official’ becoming wife and wife, or even fiancées… It WOULD be so much for the better. I love her, and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. She loves me, and wants to spend the rest of her life with me.

Where’s the point in waiting any longer?

“Three cheers for the college girls!” Charlotte announces. “Hip hip-“

“Hooray!” The modest number of partygoers cheer.

“Hip hip-“ Charlotte repeats.

“Hooray!” The partygoers again reply.

“Hip hip-“ Charlotte yells at the top of her voice.

“Hooray!” The party goers again cheer as Sarah, Katie and Lauren stand at the front of the room, their cheeks burning with embarrassment.

“Oh my god, thank you all so much,” Sarah laughs as I look on with pride, clutching a glass of champagne in my hand. “We’re all going to be working REALLY hard over the next three years so we may not be able to get to as many parties as we did over the summer…”

“…So all the more reason to enjoy this one!” Katie giggles, making the room cheer again as the music restarts and the three girls head back over to me.

“You know,” Katie sighs. “It really should have been the FOUR of us starting uni on Monday, not just the three of us…”

“Oh- let’s not start this again, please,” I sigh. “You know I’m NOT a model student, far from it! You three, on the other hand…”

“Well, we’ll see,” Lauren laughs nervously. “Uni is way more intense than what we were doing the last two years, after all…”

“Though the ‘not being able to get to as many parties’ is a complete lie, I take it?” Katie teases my lover, who giggles bashfully.

“I may have… Exaggerated a little,” Sarah says, making the four of us giggle uncontrollably. “Hopefully the student parties will be better attended than this one…” I stare around at the half-empty room and sigh sadly- Sarah is, as usual, correct. The usual ‘Angels girls nights in’ that were a feature of our Saturdays over the past few months have all but disappeared- one of the ‘original’ Angels is a contestant on this year’s Strictly Come Dancing so is currently at the studio where it’s recorded. Two of the other ‘original’ Angels are there cheering her on, Out of Heaven- the ‘Angel girl band’- are in Manchester ahead of a TV appearance tomorrow morning, and even Jamie is unavailable tonight, supporting her boyfriend as he recovers from his SRS.

…Though the description of Stuart as ‘Jamie’s boyfriend’ is now out of date, as last Saturday- on Jamie’s birthday- he got down on one knee and popped the question to Jamie. My mentor of course accepted, making Stuart Jamie’s fiancé- and making me miserable for the last week.

I’m happy for Jamie, of course. She IS my mentor and one of my closest friends, she’s always been there for me when I’ve needed her, but the sight of her with a beautiful diamond ring on her finger… It just drives home the fact that I’m not wearing one on mine. I’ve been eighteen for almost seven months, but during that time Sarah hasn’t so much as hinted that she wants to marry me at any point. We still spend virtually every waking moment together, of course, and if anything my love for her has grown, but our ring fingers are both still empty.

I keep telling myself that we both need to wait a little longer- a thought my counsellor repeatedly confirms- and I’d be happy to wait if it wasn’t for one thing- the ring that I know Sarah owns. I keep replaying in my mind the moment I found the ring, trying to convince myself that it wasn’t just a dream- my memory of the event is far too vivid for that. And yet, I haven’t seen so much as a trace of the ring since that first ‘discovery’ so many months ago.

Sarah, of course, was over the moon about Jamie’s engagement. If she felt that Jamie was ‘cutting ahead’ of us, she certainly didn’t show it. All the way home from Jamie’s party, she was excitedly gossiping about the impending wedding, the inevitable hen night, the possibility that Jamie may pick me as a bridesmaid... Seemingly oblivious to the fact that I am desperate to be a bride. HER bride.

And then, once she’d stopped obsessing over Jamie’s wedding, she started obsessing over her upcoming university studies. Whilst it’s perfectly understandable that she’d be excited about it, it yet again hammered home that as much as Sarah loves me… She doesn’t want to marry me. So why, just why does she own that ring…

“Hey girlies!” Dannii squeaks, approaching us and giving Lauren- but only Lauren- a gentle hug. “This is so exciting, you’re going to be going to SO many proper uni parties… Such a pity they don’t have sororities in England!”

“From what I’ve seen of them, that is NOT a pity at all!” Lauren giggles, wriggling free of her former BFF’s hold. Whilst we have all forgiven Dannii to an extent for her actions earlier in the year, she’s still a very ‘dominating’ presence, and more importantly, a constant reminder of how close Sarah and I came to separating. Fortunately there’s no chance of Dannii ever getting between us again, as she seems happy with her new much older boyfriend- for now, anyway.

“Paul keeps telling me about his uni days,” Dannii laughs. “How he’d party all night then work on his assignments, sometimes going whole days at a time without sleep…”

“Yeah, well I NEED my sleep!” Lauren laughs.

“And I NEED another drink!” Katie giggles, leading us to the bar where we’re plied with yet more glasses of champagne. By the time we leave the party just after midnight, the five of us are very much the worse for wear, the combination of our high heels and Charlotte’s gravel drive not helping as we stumble toward our rides home.

“See you later, college girls!” Dannii laughs as she gets in her boyfriend’s car, whilst Sarah, Katie, Lauren and I pile into the back of a black cab. Before I can snuggle next to Sarah on the back seat, however, I’m rudely ejected from it by Katie and Lauren, who scrunch up next to Sarah.

“Quick, get a photo!” Katie laughs, handing me her phone as she drapes a pink and gold-coloured sash bearing the phrase ‘college girl’ over the three of them. I smile as Katie uploads the photo to Instagram, but in my drunken state, all I can think of is how ‘Nikki & Sarah’ is fading away…

“That was so cool of Charlotte to throw a party for us,” Sarah laughs as we return home and she slides out of her silver knee-length dress- one of her own creations, naturally. “Even if hardly anybody came…”

“Yeah, but all the important people were there!” I laugh as I unzip my tight black minidress, before sighing happily as I unclip my strapless bra and step out of my tight black thong, standing fully naked before my lover.

“Yeah, it’s so cool the way the Angels have, like, ‘adopted’ Katie and Lauren…” Sarah says, giving me a quick kiss before diving underneath the bed sheets. I smile as I immediately recognise Sarah’s ‘hint’ and also dive under the sheets, snuggling against my lover’s warm, naked form only to find that she’s immediately fallen asleep. Sighing, I loosen my grip on Sarah’s waist and rest my head down on my pillow, quickly falling asleep myself.

“Dearly beloved,” the minister announces. “We are gathered here today to join these two people in the union of holy matrimony.” I smile as I walk up the aisle in my pristine white wedding dress, only to freeze as I suddenly become aware of everyone staring at me- and it’s not the ‘right’ kind of staring like most brides receive. I look up to the front of the church, only to see Jamie- also wearing a wedding dress- and her fiancé staring back at me with confused looks. Now panicking, I stare down to my side where Sarah is sat in her graduation cap and gown, also staring at me with confusion in her eyes.

“Nikki,” Sarah chuckles. “What are you doing?” I open my mouth to respond, but no words come out as the stares of everyone in the church begin to bore into my skull…

“Aah!” I gasp, opening my eyes and shielding them against the glare of the morning sun.

“Mmph,” Sarah moans, my sudden awakening having also woken her. “Nikki? What time is it?”

“Ugh… 8:15,” I say after checking my phone. “Sorry I woke you…”

“No… Earlier I’m awake, earlier I get rid of this damned hangover,” Sarah sighs, swinging her bare legs out of bed and shivering as the cold air meets her hairless skin. “God, you can tell that dark tights season is just around the corner!” I giggle as Sarah heads into the shower, emerging a few minutes later to get dressed, making a show of rolling a pair of thick black tights up her legs before donning a long-sleeved grey top and a pleated black miniskirt. I jump in the shower immediately after Sarah finishes dressing, and once I’ve dried myself I dress for the day, also making a show of rolling my thick black tights up my soft, hairless legs before pulling on a comfortable short-legged, long-sleeved playsuit with a wide brown belt that cinches in my waist.

“Mmm,” Sarah says, cuddling me from behind. “Even if you DID buy that playsuit from a shop and not from me!” I giggle as I turn around and strike various feminine poses for Sarah, who playfully applauds and wolf-whistles as I shake my backside for her.

“The miracle of oestrogen,” I giggle.

“How long is it now, 2 years and 4 months?” Sarah asks.

“Yep,” I say happily. “Got to admit, when I started taking the oestrogen, I never thought I’d FEEL this different, both inside and outside… It’s like I’ve only really started to feel, you know, ‘right’…”

“Aww,” Sarah laughs, giving me a quick cuddle and pressing her chest into mine. “You definitely FEEL right to me!” I laugh as I give Sarah a long, lingering kiss, and all of my anxieties from last night begin to melt away as our lipsticks begin to mingle and our tongues explore each other’s mouths.

“How about we, you know, just go back to bed?” I ask Sarah, who giggles wickedly.

“Wish I could,” Sarah sighs. “I promised Lauren I’d go round hers to do some reading, want to hit the ground running tomorrow!”

“You’ve already read all your course books twice!” I laugh as we head downstairs to be greeted by my parents and (technically, at least) my baby sister. “Do you really need to keep re-reading them?”

“Think we’ve found out why your big sister isn’t going to uni herself, Jenny!” Mum says to my sister, making her giggle and everyone else laugh at my expense.

“Oh- whatever, I love my job…” I feebly retort as I plop down on the sofa.

“There’s no shame in not being a university person,” dad chuckles. “I didn’t go, none of your grandparents went…”

“This little one is, though!” Mum giggles as she cuddles Jenny close to her. “Aren’t you, Jenny?”

“Way to make your firstborn feel inadequate,” I say, making my parents chuckle sadly.

“You know we’ll always love you, fancy degree or no fancy degree,” dad laughs. “You got a fancy job with a celebrity employer at the age of seventeen, for god’s sake. What parent wouldn’t be proud of that?”

“I guess,” I say. “And, obviously, Jenny IS going to grow up to be super-smart and super-popular!”

“Too right!” Mum says as Jenny giggles at the repeated mention of her name. I also force out a laugh, but every time my parents sing the praises of my eight month old sister, I can’t help but feel that she was born to replace me, to be everything I wasn’t- to be the GOOD child, as opposed to the ‘defective’ one. Mum and dad deny this, of course, but the fact remains that Jenny wasn’t an accident- she was a planned baby, and was only planned after I began my life as Nikki.

Sarah and I head out shortly afterward, soon arriving at Lauren’s house where the two girls dive straight into their books, comparing notes and discussing potential upcoming assignments. What they don’t do, however, is spend any time behind their sewing machines. In the past, whenever Sarah and Lauren had collaborated, they’d always work on one of their latest masterpieces- that I would inevitably end up modelling for them- but today they don’t even look in the direction of their fabric supply, leaving me feeling more and more like a third wheel as the women continue to prepare themselves for the three years ahead."

“I’m sorry, that must have been unbelievably boring for you,” Sarah says as we get back in her car, six long hours after we arrived at Lauren’s house. “Even if we were talking about gorgeous, girly clothes!”

“It wasn’t too bad,” I say, giggling to disguise the half-truth. “And besides…”

“…You’re wearing gorgeous, girly clothing and you ARE a gorgeous, girly girl?” Sarah asks, making me giggle even harder.

“… I was going to say ‘that’s what smartphones were invented for’, but your answer works too!” I laugh. “To tell you the truth, most days I barely even notice what I’m wearing… Unless it’s one of your masterpieces, of course!”

“Good to know,” Sarah says with a smile. “I still can’t believe you’ve still got every dress I ever made for you…”

“Why would I ever get rid of them?” I ask. “They’re gorgeous, truly beautiful… Like their creator. And besides, they’re part of your imagination, which makes them part of you, and I LOVE you. I’d never get rid of anything that reminded me of you. Never.”

“Aww, that’s so amazing,” Sarah coos. “I love you too, so, so much… Don’t ever forget that, or doubt it, not for one second.”

“I won’t,” I say, linking my hand with Sarah’s when it briefly becomes free. “Girl love forever!” We arrive back at Sarah’s home shortly afterward, where we spend the rest of the evening watching television before heading to bed. I sigh happily as Sarah helps me free myself from my playsuit, though my expectations of a night of passion are thwarted when Sarah once again snuggles up under the bed sheets before we get anywhere near each other’s most sensitive areas. No, I don’t doubt that you love me, I think to myself as I wrap my arms around Sarah’s slender waist. But I do doubt whether or not it’s the same way that I love you…

Sarah’s alarm goes off at 7am, waking me from a thankfully dreamless sleep. I roll over and am momentarily startled to find myself alone in the cosy double bed, before realising that Sarah obviously wasn’t going to get much sleep last night- today is a very, very big day for her. Sure enough, seconds after I open the door to her en-suite, she steps out of the shower and wraps a towel around her wet, naked body before blow-drying her long brown hair.

“Nervous?” I ask my lover as I take her place underneath the shower.

“A bit,” Sarah confesses. “I’d be terrified if I didn’t know that Katie and Lauren would also be there…”

“Glad that you didn’t go to Salford, then?” I ask.

“Oh, you have NO idea,” Sarah laughs. Yeah, Sarah, I think I do… I think to myself.

“Don’t forget I know a thing or two about starting a whole new life,” I retort, making Sarah laugh happily.

“Ah, touché,” Sarah giggles. “Hopefully I’ll be as good a student as you are a woman!”

“Well, I couldn’t have done any of this-“ I say, stepping out of the shower and displaying my naked form to Sarah. “-Without you.”

“And if it wasn’t for you,” Sarah says, wrapping her arms around my soaking wet neck, “I’d probably be starting on a course of medicine or chemistry or something today. We really, truly complete each other.”

“I love you,” I whisper, gently kissing Sarah as the cooling water runs down my face.

“I love you too,” Sarah whispers back, kissing me again before handing me her blow-dryer. “Now get yourself dry! I know you’re free today, that means you’re driving me to uni!” I giggle as Sarah heads back into her bedroom to get dressed, before following her a few minutes later to find her dressed in just a bra, a thong and a pair of translucent black tights.

“Going for the minimalist look then?” I ask, giggling as Sarah hurls a pillow at me.

“I’m starting a course in fashion design,” Sarah explains. “I need to get the look right, absolutely spot on…”

“You studied fashion design for the last two years at college,” I retort as I pull on my own bra, thong and tights. “Just wear what you usually wear.”

“That was at a local college,” Sarah says. “This is at an internationally-acclaimed university. I already know there’ll be students on my course from Germany, from America… I need to make the right first impression, but I can’t be TOO over the top…”

“What’s Lauren wearing?” I ask.

“Just her purple top and a denim skirt,” Sarah says. “You know her, she hardly ever wears her own stuff…”

“This,” I say, handing Sarah one of her silvery grey long-sleeved tops. “And this.” I hand Sarah a short pleated black skirt.

“These’ll go great with knee-high boots,” Sarah says as she unzips the skirt and steps into it, wriggling to get it above her hips before picking out a pair of said boots.

“Okay, guess I’m not wearing boots today, then,” I say as I pick a red turtleneck jumper and a tight black miniskirt out of my drawer.

“You’ll still be girly and gorgeous in flats,” Sarah says, before standing up and giggling- the extreme platforms on her boots put her head a full 2 inches above mine.

“And in those boots you can pretend that you’re still attending ballet this morning!” I say, making Sarah giggle as we grab our handbags and head down to Sarah’s car.

“That was so good of Krystie, moving the lessons to Wednesday so that we could still attend,” Sarah laughs. “Not that you couldn’t have gone yourself!”

“It’s no fun without you,” I laugh. “Nothing is…”

“Not even this?” Sarah asks as she plays with the hem of my skirt and the stretchy material of my tights.

“Well, not as much fun, I guess!” I laugh as I drive Sarah to the complex of buildings in central London that will be her second home for the next three years.

“I still really, really wish you were doing this with me,” Sarah sighs.

“You will be AMAZING,” I say, giving Sarah a soft, gentle kiss. “See you at lunch!” Sarah lets out a nervous giggle as she calmly strides into the large, imposing building, soon disappearing out of sight. I sigh happily as I jump back in Sarah’s car, driving it back to her house before walking the short distance back to my home.

“Morning, Nikki!” Mum says as I walk through the front door and plop down on the sofa, crossing one nylon-covered leg over the other. “How’s Sarah?”

“Nervous,” I sigh.

“…And how’s Nikki?” Mum asks, sitting down next to me with my baby sister in her arms.

“…Also nervous,” I say with a chuckle. “And I don’t know why…”

“You’ve never been good at sharing,” mum laughs. “Guess that’s a result of being an only child for so long…”

“I am too good at sharing,” I retort. “…Okay, maybe not Sarah, but can you blame me?”

“Are you STILL ‘angsting’ over that engagement ring?” Mum asks with a sigh.

“No,” I reply. “…Yes… I don’t even know now whether or not it was just a dream any more…” I sigh as mum wraps her arm around me, giving me a very much needed hug.

“If you and Sarah are destined to be together, it WILL happen,” mum says. “And I really believe you are destined to be together. I’ve seen the way you look at each other, you both NEED each other. As regards the engagement, where’s the rush? If you’re going to be together forever, why not take your time?”

“If we’re going to be together forever, why wait?” I ask, making mum sigh sadly. “You weren’t that much older when you and dad got engaged…”

“I was 22,” mum says. “You’ll no doubt disagree but there’s a big difference between 22 and 18!”

“I guess,” I sigh. “I promised to meet the girls for lunch, can you drop me at the uni, please?”

“Sure, I was going to go shopping anyway,” mum says, handing me Jenny as she returns to the kitchen.

“Ahh, you gorgeous little thing,” I coo at my giggling baby sister. “You’re going to be so lucky when you get older. You’ve got it all to look forward to- the life I should’ve had, but didn’t…”

A couple of hours later, I help mum strap Jenny into her car seat before she drives us both back into the centre of London.

“Here I am, dropping my daughter off at university,” mum jokes. “Surprised Beverly didn’t drive Sarah this morning…”

“She was at work early,” I explain as I get out of the car, eager for mum to go before she gives me any more reminders about my ‘lack of education’. “I’ll see you later!”

“See you later,” mum laughs. “Don’t learn too much!” I force out a giggle as mum drives away, before I head into the university’s modest dining complex. It doesn’t take long to locate Sarah, Katie and Lauren- especially as they’re not alone, and the two people they’re sat with are VERY distinctive.

“Nikki!” Sarah squeaks excitedly, jumping up and giving me a kiss as I approach her table. “Girls, this is Nikki. Nikki, you already know these two, but I’d like you to meet Jacinta and Ophelia!” I wave nervously at the two young women, both of whom immediately stand up and greet me with gentle, girly hugs.

“Oh my god, YOU’RE Nikki!” The taller girl- almost 5’ 10”- says. “I’m SUCH a huge fan of the Angels, it’s SO good to meet you!”

“Umm, likewise!” I giggle.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” The tall, brown-haired girl suddenly laughs. “I- I’m Jacinta, Jacinta Hanley!”

“Nicola Thomas, nice to meet you!” I laugh. “Do- do you study fashion design as well?”

“Nope,” Katie laughs. “She’s a photographer, just like you and me!”

“Just like I used to be,” I laugh, before turning to the second new girl, who has stood patiently whilst Jacinta introduced herself. “And you’re Ophelia?”

“Ophelia Cassiopeia Love,” the girl says in a very posh, refined voice that doesn’t even come close to matching her ‘unique’ look. Unlike Jacinta- who’s dressed modestly in a plain skirt and jumper similar to mine- Ophelia has dressed in the exact OTT manner Sarah had wished to avoid this morning. Her knee-length dress is extravagant with multiple medieval-style details running the length of the frilled skirt, which is puffed out by three dark blue petticoats. The bodice of the dress is covered by a black corset, which has been laced in tight to give the young woman a very narrow waist, and the sleeves of the dress are sheer and loose. Teal covered tights cover Ophelia’s legs, which end in similar-coloured spike-heeled stilettos. Even more extravagant than Ophelia’s dress is her make-up- her lips are coloured in a bright magenta colour, whilst her eye shadow is a matte green. Her hair, however, is the most striking part of her look- it’s a bright aquamarine colour and tied into long, waist-length braids.

“So delighted to meet you,” Ophelia says, air-kissing me whilst gently holding my arms, taking care not to impale me on her 2 inch long blue fingernails.

“Now Ophelia IS one of us,” Lauren giggles as I and the two new girls sit down at the table- which is pretty cramped with six of us sat around it.

“Unsurprisingly, she made that dress,” Sarah says.

“AND that corset!” Lauren giggles. “I’ve been dying to make a proper tight-lacing corset for ages now…”

“I would be quite happy to help you,” Ophelia says, making Lauren and Sarah giggle at the formality of her voice. “Nicola, Sarah showed me some of the dresses you modelled for their internet store, it would be delightful if you could model for our assignments.”

“Umm, wasn’t I already going to do that?” I ask.

“Well, yes,” Sarah says. “We only just found out this morning what the assignments were likely to be, didn’t even know that we’d need female models this semester.”

“Fortunately, we always will, won’t we, Jacinta?” Katie asks.

“Hell yeah!” Jacinta cheers. “I’m SO looking forward to working with you, Nikki!”

“I’m flattered!” I giggle, taken aback slightly by Jacinta’s enthusiasm. “If you’re a fan of the Angels I reckon I might be able to get you invited to a party, maybe…”

“Ehh,” Katie interjects. “We’re kinda… Kinda ‘booked out’ all week with student parties.”

“And work!” Lauren laughs.

“That too!” Katie giggles. “But Ophelia knows a few people she went to school with, they’re having a ‘dorm-warming’ party, then another one, and another one…”

“Sounds cool,” I say, suddenly feeling VERY left out.

“Don’t worry, I’ll smuggle you into one of them!” Sarah laughs.

“Katie told me you did level 2 photography,” Jacinta says to me. “Just bring along your camera, you’ll fit right in! Though I wouldn’t say no to an Angel party or two… ESPECIALLY if Jamie-Lee is there!”

“Ooh, I’m getting flashbacks!” Lauren giggles. “The first day the four of us met at college, Nikki showed us a selfie she took with Jamie… Who’d have guessed that just two years later she and Jamie would be best friends?”

“Bit of an exaggeration,” I giggle.

“Oh please,” Lauren retorts. “I’m expecting a call any minute now from Miss Burke asking me to measure you for a bridesmaid’s dress…”

“Getting a bit ahead, aren’t we?” I say, giggling nervously as several excited faces turn toward me. “Is, um, is Dannii coming to lunch?”

“No,” Lauren sighs. “She’s too busy with ‘Paul’… I did invite her today, though.”

“Another flashback!” Sarah giggles. “The official founding the ‘New Angels’, later to be known as the ‘Teen Angels’… Sounds like as good a time as any to announce the official founding of the ‘New New Angels’!”

“The ‘New New Angels’!” Katie cheers, followed by Lauren, Jacinta, Ophelia and finally myself.

“I’m surprised you recognised us from the Angels,” I say to Jacinta. “Beyond that pool video a couple of months ago, I think the most ‘exposure’ we’ve got is the occasional retweet from one of them, or popping up in the back of an Instagram photo…”

“I… I, um, actually kinda subscribe to your YouTube blog,” Jacinta says with a grimace. “Me and six thousand others, heh!”

“Heh, always nice to meet a fan!” I giggle.

“…You really haven’t figured it out yet, have you?” Jacinta asks as Sarah, Katie and Lauren all giggle at me.

“Figured out what?” I ask.

“That may name used to be ‘Jason’,” Jacinta says, making my jaw drop. Sure, she’s 5’ 10”, has a slightly larger build than me and a slightly longer face, but still…

“Seriously?” I ask.

“Oh, don’t feel too bad,” Katie laughs. “We didn’t suss you when we started college, and you’d only been on hormones for three months, Jacinta’s been on them for over a year, isn’t that right?”

“August 12th, 2014,” Jacinta giggles. “I’d come out as gay a couple of years earlier, but deep inside, I always knew what I REALLY was.”

“So you’re pre-op?” I ask.

“Yep,” Jacinta says proudly. “Only just finished laser removal treatments, not looking into SRS just yet!”

“Heh,” I chuckle, though inside, talk of the ‘New New Angels’ only makes me feel worse. Sarah, Katie and Lauren have formed a new ‘gang’ and have even found themselves another transgendered girl to go in it… As much as I try to convince myself that it’s not the case, I’m clearly being replaced, and the three- or, I suppose, five- of them skipping out on Angel parties for student parties just reinforces this belief.

A short while after I leave the lunch table, I get two new notifications on my phone, both from Facebook- ‘Jacinta Hanley has sent you a friend request’ and ‘Ophelia Love has sent you a friend request’. Even this- and the thought of just where Ophelia could have secreted a smartphone in her amazing dress- doesn’t cheer me up as I jump on the tube and head back home, where I’m again greeted by my mother and my sister.

“Hi mum,” I shout as I head upstairs to take off my shoes and most of my make-up. “Hi Jenny!” Another replacement of mine whose name begins with the letter J…

“Hi Nikki,” mum shouts. “Is Sarah settling in well at uni?”

“Yep,” I reply. “Obviously she’s hanging out with Katie and Lauren, but she’s made new friends as well. One of them’s a transgendered girl, like me.”

“Oh, that’s sweet!” Mum giggles. “Hopefully you can be friends with her too, you can introduce her to Jamie and Stephanie…” So she can ‘replace’ me there as well, no doubt…

“…We’ll see,” I say as I scrape my hair back into a loose ponytail and head downstairs.

“Oh god,” mum says with a tired sigh. “Please don’t say you’re getting jealous…”

“No,” I immediately retort. “Maybe… I don’t know. Maybe I just don’t like change…”

“Really?” Mum giggles. “You, of all people, are afraid of change?”

“’Other people changing’, then,” I say.

“No, that’s not it either,” mum says. “And before you inevitably ask, what it actually is is you having friends- good friends, close friends- for the first time ever, and not wanting to lose them, even if you are technically ‘sharing’ instead of ‘losing’. I think you’re not helped by most of your other friends being older than you- how old are Sarah’s new friends?”

“Umm,” I say, checking Jacinta’s and Ophelia’s Facebook profiles. “The other transgendered girl is nineteen, it doesn’t say how old Ophelia is but I’d guess she’s not much older.”

“Ophelia?” Mum laughs. “Poor kid… But that’s the point, those girls are all your age, it’s natural to feel a bit left out.”

“How do I get over it?” I ask.

“Simple- make time for ALL your friends,” mum chuckles.

“Sounds exhausting,” I say, making mum laugh even harder. “Of course, it’d probably easier if Sarah and I were more ‘officially’ a couple…”

“One step at a time!” Mum laughs as Jenny starts crying. “Ooh, think someone’s hungry…”

“It’s okay, I had lunch at the uni,” I say, making mum snort with laughter as she returns to the kitchen to feed my sister. I spend the next couple of hours flicking between my checklist ahead of tomorrow’s work- Monday being the only free day I have all week- and checking out my new friends’ Facebook profiles.

Sarah arrives home just after 4:30pm and, as always, we greet each other with a kiss, though Sarah’s long sigh when she collapses down on the sofa hints at just how exhausted she is.

“That tired, huh?” Mum laughs, handing Sarah a warm cup of tea.

“Feel like I’ve spent all day on my feet,” Sarah sighs. “These boots were a REALLY bad idea…”

“You were on your feet all day in class?” I ask.

“No, we didn’t actually do any actual learning,” Sarah explains. “We were mostly just signing up for the student’s union, looking around the various clubs and societies, registering for the library… Katie’s said she might apply for the student union committee, I might look into that myself.”

“Never realised you were interested in stuff like that,” I say. “You know, politics…”

“I was a prefect at school, wasn’t I?” Sarah asks. “Though I dunno where I’ll find the time, the course seems pretty intensive…”

“Especially if you’ll be joining all different societies and clubs,” I say, not pausing to think about what I’m saying. “Or going to any number of student parties.”

“Oh- no, just no,” Sarah sighs, unwrapping herself from my arms. “Don’t, just don’t get jealous, Nikki. You know I’ve always dreamed about going to university, living the student lifestyle… Can I please get at least 24 hours into it before you turn into a jealous idiot?”

“What, so I’m an idiot now because I’m not a fancy university student?” I retort, internally grimacing as the words leave my mouth.

“You know what?” Sarah snaps, standing up. “I’m very tired and I still have a lot to do today. I’m going home.”

“No, Sarah- wait, please…” I say as I follow Sarah out of my front door. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped, I AM an idiot… Please…”

“Take it from someone who knows a thing or two about jealousy,” Sarah whispers. “It’s NOT pretty.” Sarah opens her mouth to speak again, before sighing and shaking her head.

“I’m sorry,” I say again. “I- I just feel like you’re slipping away from me.”

“I LOVE you,” Sarah says. “If there was a way we could be joined at the hip 24/7, I’d take it, but realistically you have to know that’s not going to happen.”

“I- I love you too,” I whisper as Sarah leans in to give me a soft kiss.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Sarah says, walking away and hailing a cab. I watch as Sarah as whisked away, before heading back indoors and burying my head in my hands.

“Here you go,” mum says, handing me a mug full of hot chocolate- my favourite ‘comfort food’. “Sarah is right, you know.”

“Thanks,” I sigh. “And yes, I know… I probably wouldn’t feel this way if it wasn’t for that damned ring…”

I head to bed just after 10pm, but I struggle to sleep in my unexpectedly empty bed. I repeatedly wake up during the night, eventually dragging myself out of bed at 6:45am before showering and taking advantage of the extra time I have to shave off what little hair has grown on my legs over the last two weeks. Once I’m dry (and hairless below my neck), I head back to my bedroom, picking out a clean bra, thong and pair of translucent black tights before pulling on the clean white blouse, short black pencil skirt and smart black stiletto heels that’s become my trademark ‘uniform’. Before grabbing my handbag and heading down to my car, I pause and quickly compose a text message on my phone.

‘Sorry again about yesterday,’ I type in the message to Sarah. ‘Hope you have a good day at uni. Love you loads. GLF. xxx.’ I go to toss my phone back in my bag when it beeps with an immediate response from my lover.

‘GLF,’ Sarah’s message reads. ‘See you tonight at the party. xxxxxxxx’ I giggle happily as I put the phone back in my bag, before saying goodbye to mum, dad and Jenny. The smile remains on my face as I drive away from my home and pick up my companion for the day- even despite the glistening diamond ring on her left hand.

“Hey Nikki!” Viks giggles happily as she slides onto the passenger seat of my car.

“Hi Viks,” I say. “Is Jon at work today?”

“Yeah,” Viks sighs. “Just you and me today, everything’s already at Charlotte’s ready for the party tonight.”

“Working on his birthday, tut tut,” I say, making Viks giggle.

“And on the big two-six too!” Viks laughs. “Jon doesn’t like a big fuss being made of him though, typical agent he prefers NOT to be the centre of attention.”

“Which is why we’re making a huge fuss of him tonight?” I ask.

“Exactly!” Viks giggles. “He wants a small wedding too, the wimp…”

“…And I’m guessing you want it to be as big as possible?” I ask.

“Wouldn’t you?” Viks asks. “His millionaire uncle’s paying for it, after all. And there’s just five months to go…”

“And then there’ll be Jamie’s wedding shortly afterward,” I whisper sadly.

“And yours!” Viks says. “Even if it is a few years away… I’ll only be 23 when I get married, so was Mary…”

“I know,” I sigh. “I should be more patient with Sarah…”

“On the topic of Sarah,” Viks says. “How’s she enjoying student life? The three years I was at uni were the best of my life- well, at the time they were the best, anyway!”

“Oh, she’s loving it,” I reply. “So are Katie and Lauren… Can’t help but feeling that I’m being, you know, edge out a bit…”

“No, no no no,” Viks insists. “You’re a gang, a clique, a proper, official Angel group! Friends for life, you know? Me and the other five girls will always be friends, even if the next series of the Angels IS the last.”

“Yeah, well I’m sure Dannii felt that way too,” I say, silencing Viks.

“She made her own choices,” Viks says. “Don’t make the same ones!”

“Believe me, I don’t intend to!” I laugh as we pull up outside Charlotte’s vast mansion, the venue for tonight’s party. Sure enough, nine hours later, I return to the party having exchanged my skirt and blouse for a slinkier and sexier patterned black peplum dress that Sarah made for me over the summer. As it’s Jon’s birthday, the crowd is mostly male- us girls are outnumbered 3 to 1- so my dress (and, obviously, the body within it) gets a lot of attention, but I’m able to easily brush it off as I stick with the other women, and I know the MY girl will soon be here to keep me company (and keep the boys away).

After an hour passes, however, it becomes very apparent that Sarah isn’t just running late, but she may not be coming at all. I try to convince myself that she’s just running late, that she knows she can stay out later tonight as Wednesday is her free day from uni, but as the clock strikes 9:30, I begin to panic. I momentarily excuse myself, heading out into the wide, open hallway and grabbing my phone out of my handbag. Sarah answers her phone after the fifth ring, but I’m momentarily startled by the loud background noise where she is.

“Sarah?” I ask.

“Nikki! Hi!” Sarah yells down the phone. “Sorry, I’m not going to be able to get there tonight, Ophelia’s having a ‘dorm-warming’ party tonight!”

“Umm, nice of you to tell me, I’ve been waiting for you for ages!” I say.

“Well it was a last minute thing,” Sarah retorts.

“Couldn’t you at least have sent me a text?” I ask.

“Oh- stop being so possessive!” Sarah sighs loudly. “We’ll talk tomorrow. I’ve got to go now, there are some REALLY cute guys here that have Katie’s name written all over them!”

“Okay, see you later,” I say, barely suppressing tears as I click off my phone. In addition to leaving me in the lurch, she’s also looking at men now…

I make my excuses and leave the party a short while later, heading back to my home even though Sarah and I had already agreed to sleep at her house tonight. After what was said on the telephone… I need time alone to gather my thoughts. Once I arrive home- much to the surprise of my parents- I head up to my room, strip off my dress and immediately dive under my bed sheets, trying desperately not to think about how much I’m missing the woman I love…

I wake from another dreamless sleep just after 8am, thankful that I didn’t drink much last night and thusly don’t have a hangover to deal with. After showering, I pull on my favourite pair of pale pink tights, followed by one of my many black leotards and a loose, knee-length dress. Before I grab my dance bag and head downstairs, I check my phone and am surprised to find my screen full of missed calls and voicemails from Sarah.

“Hey Nikki,” the first message says. “Are you still at the party? Call me when you get this.”

“Hi Nikki,” the second message says. “It’s midnight and you’re still not back yet… Please call me when you get this.” This causes me to raise an eyebrow- if Sarah was back before midnight, the party couldn’t have been THAT good…

“Nikki, I’m really getting worried now,” the third message says. “I’ve called Viks and she said that you left the party hours ago, please, please call me when you get this…”

“Nikki,” the fourth message says with a noticeable sigh in Sarah’s voice. “I’ve called your dad and he says that you went to your home tonight… Please call me when you wake up, I don’t want to go to sleep with us falling out like this. I love you, I love you, I love you. Please call me.” I sigh and rest my phone against my forehead as Sarah’s emotional message ends- I must have left my phone on silent at the party and forgotten to switch the ringer back on. I press the speed dial number for Sarah’s phone, which she answers before the end of the first ring.

“Nikki, thank god,” Sarah sighs into the phone. “Don’t bloody scare me like that! If you were going to go back to your house, couldn’t you have left me a text message or something?”

“…Really?” I ask, making Sarah groan with frustration.

“Okay, okay, point taken,” Sarah sighs. “I’m sorry, I should’ve sent you a text or something saying that I wasn’t going to the party… How was it, anyway?”

“It sucked without you there,” I say, prompting a tired giggle from Sarah. “Kinda wish I’d gone to your party now…”

“There’ll be another one before too long,” Sarah says. “You heading off to ballet now?”

“Yeah,” I say. “See you there?”

“Yeah, umm…” Sarah says, audibly grimacing. “I’ve kinda agreed to go to the library with the girls. And yes, I know I should’ve texted you, I just wanted to talk to you in person- well, in real time, anyway- first.”

“You can’t even spare an hour?” I ask.

“I just promised Ophelia, that’s all,” Sarah says.

“Well, bring her along!” I chuckle. “I’m sure Krystie wouldn’t mind.”

“I’d prefer not to without running it by her first,” Sarah says. “Besides, Ophelia’s never taken ballet before, neither has Jacinta, I dunno how much interest either of them would have in it…”

“Even though you yourself love it?” I ask.

“I’m- I’m going to let it go here,” Sarah says, clearly suppressing a sigh. “I don’t want us to argue any more. Ever again, ever. I love you, I adore you, I love every atom of you. I tell you what- you ask Krystie about Jacinta and Ophelia and I’ll ask the girls themselves, okay?”

“Sure,” I say. “I love you too…”

“See you later, Nikki,” Sarah says, clicking off her phone and making me sigh in frustration. As much as she says that she adores me, as hard as I try to believe her… Her actions say otherwise. I sigh as I grab a blouse, a pencil skirt and a clean pair of black tights to change into, stuffing them into my dance bag before heading downstairs, where I’m intercepted by my mother.

“Have you spoken to Sarah yet?” Mum asks with clear worry in her voice. “Your dad said he called her last night almost in a state of panic…”

“Yes, I talked to her,” I say.

“…And?” Mum asks. “Are you going to see her at ballet?”

“No, she’s busy with uni stuff,” I sigh. “Even though ballet was moved to a Wednesday specifically to accommodate her…”

“It’s a whole new experience for her,” mum says. “Obviously she’s going to want to immerse herself in it. Just give her some time, some space, I’m sure things will settle down soon. And for the love of god, don’t do anything to drive her away. She’s the best thing that ever happened to you, and most likely ever will. You two really are meant to be together.”

“…Just not married, right?” I ask.

“Well not yet, anyway,” mum replies. “Not while you’re still young. But eventually, yes.”

“What’s the minimum age at which someone can get married without parental consent?” I ask.

“Eighteen,” mum answers.

“And how old are Sarah and I?” I ask.

“…Also eighteen,” mum sighs.

“Exactly,” I say. “There has to be a reason that the minimum age is eighteen and not, say, twenty or twenty-one.”

“Well- different people mature at different rates,” mum says, earning a withering stare from me. “Not that I’m saying you’re immature, and Sarah certainly isn’t… Go to your dance class, okay? We’ve got ages to discuss this after you get home from work…” I nod, giving mum and Jenny a quick hug each before getting in my car and driving away.

After my hour of dancing is over, leaving my toes aching from the pointe work, I change out of my leotard and into my work clothes, intercepting Krystie before she enters her office.

“What’s up, Nikki?” Krystie asks as she unties her tight blonde bun. “Thought you were Jamie’s slave today?”

“I am,” I say, giggling at Krystie’s choice of words. “Umm…”

“What is it?” Krystie asks. “You’re not quitting the class, are you? Is Sarah thinking of quitting? It’d have been nice if she’d told me this BEFORE I rearranged my entire week…”

“No, nothing like that, it’s just-“ I say hesitantly. “Do you have any spaces left in your adult beginner class?”

“I’ve got spaces on an eight month waiting list,” Krystie chuckles. “That might come down if I move to that new place I’ve been looking at and can hire another teacher, but for now I’m booked solid. Why do you ask? It’s not like you need refresher classes, you looked really good out there today…”

“Sarah’s kinda made new friends at uni,” I say. “Just asking on their behalf.”

“Oh, okay,” Krystie says. “Well, yours, Sarah’s, Katie’s and Lauren’s referrals can get them up the queue a bit, I suppose. Get them to give me a call or send me an email, I’ll see what I can do. Now get going, I don’t want ‘Empress Burke’ telling me off for holding you up…”

“Hehe,” I giggle. “See you later, Krys.”

“’Empress Burke’,” Jamie sighs as she comes up to me. “You’ll pay for that, ‘Peasant Fullerton’!” Jamie and I both chuckle as Krystie shuts herself in her office, laughing out loud at her joke.

“She’s looking a lot better,” I say as I lead Jamie out to my car. “Wouldn’t have thought she was seriously ill less than two weeks ago.”

“She’s tough,” Jamie says. “REALLY tough. Anyway, where were Sarah, Katie and Lauren today?”

“Uni,” I sigh. “Where else?”

“Thought Wednesday was their free day?” Jamie asks as she buckles her seatbelt and I drive the two of us away from the dance studio.

“It is, they just went in anyway,” I sigh, smiling as my mentor deliberately hides her left hand underneath her right. “…It’s okay, you can show it off if you want.” Jamie giggles as she uncovers her left hand, sighing happily at the diamond ring on her perfectly-manicured third finger.

“Sorry,” Jamie chuckles. “It’s just Viks was telling me about yesterday…”

“Believe me, I’ve tried forgetting about the ring, it simply won’t happen no matter what I try,” I sigh.

“Have you talked to Sarah about it yet?” Jamie asks.

“How do I do that without confessing that I was snooping around her underwear drawer?” I ask, making Jamie laugh uncontrollably.

“Don’t forget, I’ve known Sarah for a year too,” Jamie giggles. “Anyone else it’d be a violation, but you… I reckon she’d take it as a compliment!”

“Heh, I wish,” I laugh as we arrive at the studio where Jamie will today be earning her money. “How is Stuart, anyway?”

“Recovering,” Jamie sighs. “I know from my own experience he won’t get better overnight, but it’s still frustrating. That’s another thing you’ve got to look forward to!”

“One problem at a time,” I sigh.

“Thinking about Sarah as a ‘problem’ is more of a ‘problem than the ‘problem’ itself,” Jamie says as we head to her immaculate dressing room.

“Did- did you worry that things would change between you and Stuart?” I ask. “After his SRS, I mean.” Jamie pauses, causing me to flinch slightly- as good friends as we are, it IS a sensitive question for an employee to ask her boss…

“A bit,” Jamie says. “But I just thought it through logically- Stuart and I met before his SRS. Our feelings for each other blossomed long before his SRS and will continue to grow even after it. In the same way, you and Sarah met before she started university. Hell, you and Sarah met before you became a girl- and that’s a much bigger change than starting at university. She coped with that, didn’t she?”

“Amazingly,” I sigh. “But that still doesn’t explain why she hasn’t proposed…”

“This damned ring is causing you so much stress!” Jamie says, letting out an exasperated chuckle. “Seriously, first opportunity you get, talk to Sarah about it- also known as ‘the thing you should have done from the very start’.”

“Yes, yes, I know,” I say, leaving the room as Jamie starts to slip off her loose dress in favour of a more chic, form-fitting outfit for her TV appearance. “Thanks, Jamie.”

“Anytime, Nikki!” Jamie giggles. An hour later, the two of us leave the studio and I drive her home, the smile having returned to my face. Unfortunately, Sarah & co.’s lunch time has long since passed, so I head back to her house, just as we’d planned earlier in the week. My smile fades, though, when I walk through the door and am confronted by Sarah’s mother’s frowning face.

“Hello Nikki,” Beverly says stoically.

“Hi Beverly,” I say in a very small voice. “I- I’m-“

“Sarah’s the one you should apologise to,” Beverly says. “And as she says you already have apologised, that’s good enough for me too.”

“Thanks,” I say. “I- I know this is a big deal for Sarah and I’m trying, I’m really trying to be happy for her, to be supportive, but- but-“

“-You feel like she’s excluding you?” Beverly asks, sighing as I nod. “It’s understandable, I know when I went to university I ended up losing touch with girls who I thought I’d always be friends with. Of course, this was the eighties, so we didn’t have Facebook, or smartphones… Or the internet or ANY mobile phones, for that matter. And, of course, I moved away from my hometown to uni, whereas Sarah’s stayed at home…”

“…I’m, um, not getting what you’re trying to say,” I say, making Beverly chuckle.

“I’m saying that people will naturally grow apart,” Beverly says, making my heart sink. “It’s a natural part of life, of growing older. You make new friends, whilst others slowly drift away-“

“What about lovers?” I ask, making Beverly pause. “Or- or soulmates?”

“As I was going to say,” Beverly says after taking a deep breath, “obviously you and Sarah are closer than just ‘friends’. If you two are truly meant to be together, it’s going to take a lot more than a university course to split you up.”

“…But if we’re not meant to be together?” I ask in a feeble voice, making Beverly pause.

“You wouldn’t have spent hundreds of pounds on an engagement ring if you believed that, even for a second,” Beverly says. “Nor would Sarah.”

“And yet, she hasn’t give it to me,” I whine. “Every day she doesn’t ask, it- it just feels like she’s rejecting me…”

“I’m the wrong person to talk to about this,” Beverly says firmly. “Obviously I’d prefer it if you and Sarah didn’t get engaged yet, but if you two ultimately end up married… I’ll be happy for both of you. I the meantime, you know who you need to talk to.”

“I do,” I sigh. “And thanks.” Beverly smiles as she heads into her small home office to do some work, leaving me alone on the sofa, waiting for the return of the woman I love. My patience is rewarded just after 4:30pm when the front door opens and Sarah steps through it, immediately greeting me with a long, deep kiss.

“I’m still a bit pissed off with you,” Sarah says, before giggling as we sit back down on the sofa hand-in-hand. “Though I guess you have good reason to be pissed off at me, too…”

“I don’t want to be pissed off at you anymore,” I say. “Or at all. Or ever again. It was my fault, I accept that…”

“No,” Sarah sighs. “You’re right, I should have texted you… And don’t be so quick to accept responsibility, it’s the job of the MAN to do that, and as you and I both know, you are NOT a man!” I giggle as Sarah pays me the unconventional compliment, though it only serves to remind me of something Sarah said the other night.

“…Did you find any hunky guys for Katie?” I ask, making my lover giggle as she snuggle closer to me.

“There were… some VERY firm bodies there,” Sarah laughs. “Some of whom may have gone away with Katie’s number in their phones, yes!” Sarah giggles, but her laughter soon fades as I remain silent. “Nikki… What’s up? PLEASE don’t tell me you’re jealous of guys, too?”

“It- it’s just a reminder that I used to be one,” I whisper. “If you’re looking at guys-“

“Okay, first,” Sarah says. “I wasn’t ‘looking’ at guys. Any time my eyes pointed in their direction, it was for Katie’s benefit only. Second, so what if I did look? You need to trust that I’d never, ever, you know, ‘touch’. Third… What we have, it’s more, it’s, well, ‘purer’, ‘higher’ than just animal lust. We’re true soul mates, Nikki. What you look like on the outside isn’t important, it’s what’s on the inside that I want to be with.”

“So… Are you saying that you don’t find me attractive?” I ask, prompting a frustrated groan from Sarah.

“Oh, you are SUCH a woman!” Sarah laughs, before giving me a long, deep kiss. “Of course I find you attractive! You’re gorgeous, girly, extra-fit from all the dancing we do… Objectively, you’re one of the most beautiful women in the world.”

“I don’t care about being ‘objectively’ beautiful,” I say, turning to face Sarah. “I only care about whether or not you think I’m beautiful.”

“And that,” Sarah says with a satisfied smile, “is why we’re soul mates, destined to be together forever.”

“Yeah,” I chuckle, smiling as Sarah snuggles herself even closer to my body. As we while away the evening watching TV and going over Sarah’s coursework yet again, I can’t help but feel that if Sarah genuinely, truly believed that we shared a ‘higher, purer love’, she’d have done something about it… Like putting a ring on my finger.

Eventually we head to bed, and I sigh as I strip off my underwear, stretching my muscles as my modest-sized breasts hang free in front of me. Almost immediately, though, Sarah's hands reach around my back and cup my breasts, causing me to gasp as she gently massages the tender mounds. I moan happily as Sarah brushes my long hair off my neck, gently teasing my soft skin with gentle kisses before guiding me to the bed. It doesn't take long for me to free Sarah's pert breasts from her lacy bra and tease the delicate skin with gentle kisses, making Sarah gasp and pants with every contact my lips make.

Just a few minutes later, the two of us collapse back in bed, our chests heaving and our bodies still tingling with post-coital energy.

“Still need proof that I find you ‘subjectively’ attractive?” Sarah asks with a smile as fine droplets of sweat trickle down our bodies and mingle with each other.

“Well…” I say with a smug smile. “Another demonstration couldn’t hurt…” Sarah giggles evilly as our lips once again meet and our tongues explore each other’s mouths, though as soon as our lips separate, Sarah rolls over in bed and switches off her nightlight.

“Get some sleep,” Sarah orders as she wraps her sheet around her. “You’ve got work tomorrow and I’ve got uni!”

“Yes ma’am!” I say, cuddling Sarah close to me as we both quickly drift off to sleep.

“Do you, Nicola Christine Thomas,” the minister asks. “Take this woman, Sarah Jennifer Phillips, to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do,” I whisper as I smoothe my pristine white wedding dress.

“And do you, Sarah Jennifer Phillips,” the minister asks. “Take this woman, Nicola Christine Thomas, to be your lawfully wedded wife? Or would you prefer any one of these hunky guys?” I watch in horror as a door opens behind Sarah and several attractive, well-built young men spill out of it and begin congregating around Sarah.

“Aah!” I gasp as my eyes dart open and my arms- still wrapped around Sarah’s slender waist- tense up.

“Mmm,” Sarah moans. “Nikki, you know I love you, but you have GOT to do something about these nightmares you keep having…”

“Trust me, I agree with you,” I sigh as Sarah wriggles free of my embrace and checks her phone.

“4:45,” Sarah sighs, giving me a quick kiss before rolling back over. “Get back to sleep, babe.” I grunt in agreement and soon fall asleep again, waking two and a half hours later to find that Sarah has, once again, already showered and got dressed.

“Mmm,” I mumble, bringing the woman I love closer to my still-tired form.

“Better get up soon,” Sarah laughs as she gives me a gentle kiss. “Don’t want to keep Jamie waiting, after all! I’ll see you at lunch, right?”

“Yep,” I say, stretching my tired body and padding into Sarah’s en-suite. By the time I’ve emerged from the shower, Sarah has already left, leaving me to sigh as I don my bra, thong and tights, before applying my make-up and pulling on my trademark white blouse and short black pencil skirt. As I stare in the mirror at my exquisitely made-up face, I think back to what Sarah said yesterday. Obviously, as a part-time model, I consider myself to be reasonably attractive, but I’d never really thought of myself as objectively beautiful. Even now, I can’t fully see it- but then again, I’ve been staring at this face in the mirror for over eighteen years, and for the majority of that time, I saw a boy staring back at me. For the first year and a half of my relationship with Sarah, when she kissed me, she was either kissing a boy, or a boy pretending to be a girl. Now, there’s no pretence. Genetics aside, I AM a woman. My face is feminine, my body is certainly feminine… And Sarah kisses me as deeply as she did when she was kissing a boy. More so, in fact, as last night’s ‘exertions’ proved. Maybe Sarah’s claims of a ‘higher, purer love’ were right after all…

“Morning, Nikki!” Beverly says with a cheerful smile as I walk downstairs, taking care on the stairs in my vertiginous heels. “At work all day again?”

“Only until 11:30,” I say. “Got the afternoon free. And yes, I plan on seeing Sarah at university.”

“Good,” Beverly says. “I’m glad you two worked through your issues.”

“Some of them, anyway,” I sigh.

“Don’t get hung up on that ring,” Beverly advises. “Just focus on how much Sarah loves you, that’s the important thing.”

“I know, I know,” I say. “I’ll see you later.” Beverly smiles and waves me goodbye as I head out to my car, and before too long I’m on the road, picking up my ‘boss’ for today.

“Hey, Nikki!” Jamie giggles as she elegantly slides into the passenger seat of my car. “Please tell me you took my advice yesterday…”

“Your advice, Sarah’s mum’s advice, just about everyone’s advice!” I laugh. “Yes, I talked to Sarah. And yes, we’re all cool now.”

“Glad to hear it,” Jamie says with a smile. “Though I notice your left hand is still bare…”

“Believe me, I’m noticing that more,” I sigh. “Does- does it really make a difference, being engaged?”

“…I wish I could tell you that it doesn’t,” Jamie sighs. “But it does, it really does. It’s like- before, you know, we were ‘just’ boyfriend and girlfriend, ‘just’ lovers. But now we’re engaged, Stuart and I- it’s like we’re, I dunno, forcing the entire world to take us seriously. I’m sorry, I know that wasn’t the answer you wanted to hear…”

“No, it’s fine,” I sigh.

“For what it’s worth,” Jamie says. “Everyone I know takes you and Sarah seriously. You’ve been together for four years unbroken- for two eighteen year olds, that’s nothing short of a miracle. Unless they’re talking about your work, or about Sarah’s dressmaking, they never say just ‘Nikki’ or just ‘Sarah’- it’s always ‘Nikki and Sarah’. Always. And there’s a queue about a mile long to be bridesmaids for one of you two when- not if, but when- you eventually tie the knot. A queue I’m at the front of, of course!”

“That’s for me and Sarah to decide,” I say, making Jamie laugh. “Though of course, I can be bribed…”

“Let me guess- the cost is one bridesmaid’s dress, right?” Jamie asks.

“Seems a fair swap,” I say, making Jamie giggle.

“Okay then,” Jamie laughs. “Consider yourself officially bridesmaid number two!” I giggle happily as we head to the radio station where Jamie will be plying her trade today, and all throughout her interview I daydream about what the bridesmaid’s dress will look like, who else will be bridesmaids (I already know that Charlotte is Jamie’s maid of honour), what Jamie’s first dance will be… But by the end of the interview, my excitement at Jamie’s wedding turns into anxiety about my own.

After dropping Jamie off at the hospital where her fiancé is recovering from his SRS, I don’t head immediately home, but instead head to my counsellor’s office- and as you might imagine, I have a lot I want to talk to her about.

“Hi Nikki!” Dr Williamson says as I stride into her office, elegantly sitting down in one of her plush chairs whilst keeping my nylon-covered knees pressed firmly together. “How was work today?”

“Same as always,” I say. “Studio bends over backwards to accommodate the Angel, I take the credit for it and get paid, can’t really complain.”

“That’s good to hear,” Dr Williamson giggles. “Though I suspect other parts of your life aren’t quite as stable, am I correct?”

“…Yes,” I sigh. “I’ve been told repeatedly that it’s something Sarah needs to do, that obviously she’ll immerse herself into it to begin with, but I just feel-“

“Go on,” Dr Williamson urges softly.

“I just… Feel jealous,” I say, letting out a long sigh. “I know that must sound silly…”

“Your feelings are your feelings,” Dr Williamson says. “If that’s how you really feel, it’s not silly at all, but it is something you need to work through. Who exactly do you feel jealous of?”

“With regard to Sarah, it’s anyone who isn’t me,” I moan. “Her new friends, the- um, the boys at college…”

“Sarah’s never given any indication that she’s been looking at boys, has she?” Dr Williamson asks.

“I know, I know, I’m being paranoid,” I sigh. “But- it’s this damned ring…”

“By her continued refusal to ask you to marry her,” Dr Williamson observes, “you feel that she has doubts over whether she really wants to be with you, am I right?”

“…Am I THAT obvious?” I ask.

“Don’t forget, you’ve been coming here for a long time,” Dr Williamson chuckles. “In some ways, I know you better than you know yourself!”

“Yeah, I guess,” I laugh. “It works both ways though, I know that coming up next I’m going to get advice on how to look at things objectively, on how to rise above negative feelings like jealousy…”

“They only work if you actually remember them and try to apply them BEFORE the negative feelings take hold,” Dr Williamson says in a firm yet friendly voice. I giggle as I nod and get my notepad out of my handbag, jotting down the advice my counsellor provides- some of which I have, of course, heard several times before.

I leave the office at 12:45pm and get straight back in my car, hurrying to my final destination of the day- the dining hall of the London College of Fashion. Thanks to Ophelia’s hair, it doesn’t take long to find the five girls, who are all engaged in an excited conversation when I approach their table.

“Hey Nikki!” Sarah squeaks, practically jumping out of her seat and giving me a kiss and a long, tight hug.

“Aww,” Katie giggles as I sit down next to my girlfriend. “Love watching ‘Snikki’ together…”

“You two are so cute,” Jacinta sighs happily. “Wish I had a hunky guy I could have a ‘couples name’ with…”

“Hey, we tried to set you up on Tuesday, didn’t we?” Sarah says, making me bristle slightly- she’d said it was just Katie for whom they were searching for a boyfriend…

“And did I or did I not see you spending a LOT of time with Tom yesterday afternoon?” Lauren asks, making Jacinta blush.

“We’re just friends,” the dark-haired transgendered girl giggles. “We knew each other from school, Ophelia, back me up here, please?”

“They do indeed know each other from school,” Ophelia says in her refined accent. “That’s all I’m willing to say.” Sarah, Lauren and Katie all giggle as a sly grin creeps across Ophelia’s magenta-coloured lips.

“You never fancied any guys, Nikki?” Jacinta asks, startling me slightly as I’m brought back into the conversation.

“Umm, no, never,” I say. “Only ever Sarah.”

“Oh, that is just so sweet,” Jacinta sighs. “Trust me when I say, though, that you could EASILY get any guy you wanted, especially in that skirt!”

“Aww, thanks!” I giggle. “My skirt thanks you too!” Jacinta and I both share a genuine giggle, before the conversation is once again ‘hijacked’.

“Speaking of skirts,” Katie says to Jacinta. “Have you booked time in the studio for our shoot next month or do you want me to try and set something up at my home?”

“Umm, either’s good,” Jacinta says. “Are we still just photographing each other again?”

“That was the plan,” Katie says. “How are you guys getting on with your first assignment?”

“It’s pretty straightforward,” Lauren shrugs. “Nothing we haven’t really done before at college or for our store. It’s not going to get ‘intense’ until next year, I reckon.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty much the same for us,” Katie concurs. “Difficulty for us comes from needing to concentrate more on background detail, can’t just get away with plain white backdrops anymore!” Katie and Jacinta both giggle, before Jacinta turns to face me once again.

“Speaking of,” Jacinta says. “Nikki, didn’t you promise me a look at your college portfolio?”

“I may have done,” I say with a giggle. “But if you’ve already seen Katie’s, hers is just a million times better than mine!”

“Aww, I’m sure you’ve still got some good stuff in there!” Jacinta giggles, bringing a smile to my face even as I observe that Jacinta is making more of an effort to include me in this conversation than any of my so-called ‘close’ friends- more so even than Sarah, who’s remained oddly quiet.

“Still, we can always make a start on the write-up, even if we don’t have the studio yet,” Katie says.

“Same here,” Lauren says. “Ophelia, are you still okay with me and Sarah staying over in your dorm tonight?”

“What?” I blurt, making Sarah grimace. “Umm… What?”

“Thank you, Lauren,” Sarah whispers under her breath. “Yeah… We kinda need to get going on our written work as well, figured we may as well club together, three heads are better than one, you know…”

“Umm, when were you going to tell me this?” I ask, making Sarah roll her eyes.

“No, no, no, don’t fight,” Jacinta says, obviously sensing that my tension levels are rising.

“We’re not fighting,” Sarah says firmly, silencing my newest friend. “Nikki… Ugh, I’m sorry, okay? I was going to text you…”

“I thought you said that the assignment was straightforward?” I ask.

“Doesn’t mean I don’t need to work hard on it!” Sarah retorts. “Doesn’t mean it won’t be time-consuming… The more time I spend on it now, the more time we’ll have free later on, for my birthday, for Christmas…”

“…Okay,” I sigh, remembering some of things Dr Williamson told me not one hour ago. “Sorry I overreacted…”

“We’ll still be out tomorrow night,” Lauren says. “All six of us!”

“’New New Angels’ for the win!” Jacinta giggles.

“Aww, I can’t wait to introduce you two to the other Angels,” I giggle.

“Umm…” Sarah grimaces. “We were… Kinda… Thinking it’d be just the six of us.”

“And Dannii, if she wants to come along too,” Lauren says.

“We just wanted to have a night out by ourselves,” Sarah explains. “I’ll- I’ll be at Charlotte’s on Saturday, of course.” I force a smile on my face, but it’s immediately clear that Sarah is only begrudgingly agreeing to come to the Saturday party that I know she’s loved attending for the past year. Half an hour later, I leave the dining hall- giving Sarah a long kiss as I go, of course- but all the anxieties I’d hoped to lose by going to lunch, all my fears about being excluded from the group have returned in force. Even though I’ve known them for two years, gone to countless parties with them and even gone on holiday with them, Katie and Lauren clearly prefer the company of the friends they’ve only known for less than a week, and that hurts. And as for Sarah… I tell myself that it’s just her throwing herself into her new university life, something she’s always wanted to experience, but as I go to bed alone for the second time in three days, all I can think about it how empty my bed feels without her in it…

Without Sarah, my morning routine takes less than half the time it usually does, meaning that I’m awake, showered, made-up and dressed in my ‘work clothes’ (including, as a special treat to myself, a pair of tight, leather knee-high boots) long before I need to leave the house, even after taking extra time to touch up the dark burgundy colour on my fingernails.

“Morning!” Dad chuckles as I slump down on the sofa and reach for my iPad, hoping to kill time before I need to leave the house. “No Sarah last night?”

“Nah, she stayed over with a friend at university,” I sigh.

“I’ve hardly seen her this week,” dad muses. “My own fault for agreeing to work nights, but still…”

“I’VE hardly seen her this week,” I sigh. “Uni seems to be swallowing her life… And pushing me out of it.”

“Nooo,” dad laughs as he picks up Jenny and feeds her her bottle. “You’re the absolute centre of her world, just like she is to you. Do something special for her over the weekend, remind her just how important she is to you.”

“Yeah, only one thing’s springing to mind when you say ‘something special’,” I sigh.

“You either mean sex or proposing,” dad snorts. “Try thinking of something else!”

“I’ll Google it,” I say, returning to my iPad and, contrary to my word, spending the next twenty minutes browsing Facebook, lingering on Ophelia’s and Jacinta’s profiles and trying to force myself to like them, despite the fact that I can’t shake the feeling that they’re ‘replacing’ me. Eventually, time runs out and I head out to my car, steadily easing it out into the busy London traffic and soon pulling up outside my destination for today.

“Hello, sexy boots!” Viks giggles as she slides onto the passenger seat of my car. “Seriously, those are PROPERLY hot. Hope Sarah appreciated them this morning!”

“We, uh, didn’t sleep together last night,” I say with a grimace.

“I thought you guys slept together every night?” Viks asks.

“Yeah, I thought that too,” I sigh. “She slept in her new uni friend’s dorm last night, along with Lauren.”

“Ah, the all-nighter,” Viks giggles. “I remember those. Admittedly they usually START as all-nighters, by about 10pm the alcohol gets broken out and by about 11:30, everybody’s too pissed to do any actual work, hehe!”

“Yeah… Kinda not helping,” I grimace.

“Oh, relax,” Viks laughs. “It’s not like Sarah’s going to jump into bed with another girl, is it? Anyway, are we going to meet these new friends of yours tonight?”

“Umm, nah, we’re going out tonight, but just, you know, the six of us…” I say.

“Meh, the ‘student night out’ is another uni tradition!” Viks chuckles. “I’m sure the other girls won’t mind. As long as get to meet the new girls eventually!”

“That can probably be arranged!” I giggle. As long as Sarah, Katie and Lauren don’t mind, anyway…

“Oh, and can we swing by Jamie’s parents’ house?” Viks asks. “I kinda told her we’d give her a lift to the hospital.”

“Sure,” I say, taking the advantage of the stopped traffic to adjust my satnav to take me past the house. Ten minutes later, the familiar feminine form of my mentor slides onto the back seat of my car and immediately gasps with excitement when she sees the bottom half of my legs.

“My, my, Miss Thomas!” Jamie squeaks. “Hope you don’t mind having the eyes of every straight guy in London on your legs today!”

“They’re more than welcome to look, as long as they don’t touch!” I say, making the two older women giggle excitedly.

“Sarah’s the only one allowed to ‘touch’, I take it?” Jamie asks.

“You know me so well,” I say, making my mentor giggle.

“And would I be right to assume there was plenty of ‘touching’ of your boots this morning?” Jamie asks.

“Ehh, you wouldn’t actually,” I say. “Sarah… Kinda had a sleepover with one of her uni friends last night.”

“Oh, cool!” Jamie laughs. “Viks, did you-“

“All the time,” Viks says, making Jamie giggle even harder. “Even though I went to UCL and lived in London!”

“Lauren and Katie also live in London,” Jamie says. “Does that mean the ‘Teen Angels’ are going to get some new members soon?”

“Yeah,” I say. “There’s this girl Ophelia, who’s on Sarah’s course, and Jacinta, who’s on Katie’s course.”

“Huh, funny names,” Viks observes.

“I think they were both changed by deed poll,” I say. “Jacinta’s obviously was, as she’s a T-girl-“

“One of them is a T-girl!?” Jamie asks excitedly. “Oh, that is so cool! Like they’ve got themselves another Nikki!”

“…Yeah,” I sigh.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with the Nikki they- or we- currently have,” Viks says, shooting a quick glare at Jamie.

“No, of course not,” Jamie says, realising her faux pas. “It’d be really cool to meet them, though. Can you see if they want to come out tonight?”

“They’ve already got plans,” I say. “They’d be pretty flattered to learn that two national celebrities invited them to go clubbing with them, though!”

“You can never have too many friends,” Jamie says. “Next Friday, then. Or someday during the week, I know they’re free on Wednesday, you at work that day, Nikki?”

“Um, yes, it’s Hannah’s birthday, remember?” I say, making Jamie grimaces for the second time in as many minutes.

“We- we’ll sort something out eventually,” Jamie says. “There’s no rush, it’s not like Sarah, Katie and Lauren are going to just stop being our friends, after all.” Viks and I both giggle, but I can’t help but feel that Jamie’s last line was more for my benefit than anything else. As we head to the hospital, I muse on how the two women can be so patient, so willing to accept those things that they can’t change- though the sight of the beautiful diamond rings on their left hands is a constant reminder to me of why they can afford to be so patient.

Three hours later, after Viks has made yet another successful media appearance, I drop the dark-haired woman back at her flat before heading back to my home, my work done for another week. I spend the rest of the afternoon in front of the TV, my iPad in hand as I catch up on my social networking pages, before heading up to my room after dinner to change from my skirt and my boots (which I have, of course, kept on all day) into my tiny black clubbing dress and strappy high-heeled shoes. Even though we’d agreed to meet in the centre of the city, I still feel a twinge of sadness as I enhance my make-up- normally, whenever we go on a night out, Sarah and I would always get ready together, but today, for the first time in months, we’re getting ready separately, and it serves to drive home just how distant I feel from the woman I love.

Before I head out, I take the small diamond ring out my handbag and study it, gently running the tip of my fingernail along the delicate inscription on the inside before returning the ring and its box to my bag, where it will stay for the rest of the night.

The taxi ferries me into the centre of the city to the small student flat that Jacinta and Ophelia share, out of which my five friends hurry in an excited frenzy. Sarah, of course, climbs in the taxi first, immediately crushing her body against mine on the back seat before the other four girls follow suit. All the girls are, like me, dressed in tiny clubbing dresses, though being fashion students, they’ve all put their own unique ‘twists’ on the garments- especially Ophelia, who is, as always, wearing an extra-tight corset over her dress, the skirt of which is ‘enhanced’ with two jet-black petticoats.

“I LOVE that dress!” I say to Ophelia, who smiles coyly as she tosses her brightly-coloured hair out of her face.

“Yeah, it’s one of Ophelia’s own,” Lauren giggles. “She is SO talented, we’re learning so much from each other!”

“Oh, so is the web shop going to be a three-way partnership?” I ask, making Ophelia frown and lowering the mood in the taxi.

“I don’t believe in capitalism,” Ophelia says in a dismissive voice. “I prefer to design clothing for art, rather than for profit.”

“Not that either of us ever made much profit from it!” Lauren giggles, trying to save the ‘fun’ atmosphere.

“And in fairness,” Sarah says. “I always designed for the fun of wearing gorgeous, sexy clothing- and the fun of taking said gorgeous, sexy clothing OFF of my gorgeous, sexy girlfriend!” I giggle as Sarah cuddles herself closer to me as the rest of the girls sigh happily.

We arrive at the nightclub a short while later and quickly get in. It’s a bit disorientating at first to not be ushered to the VIP area, but we soon get into the spirit of the place, dancing happily as alcohol starts to flow through our veins. Obviously, it’s Ophelia who gets the most attention from the other clubbers (specifically her hair and her corset), though she very firmly adopts a ‘look but don’t touch’ attitude with every man who heads in her direction. Katie and Jacinta, however, are very much ‘hands-on’ with any and every attractive single guy, as is Lauren with her boyfriend (when he arrives) and Sarah and I with each other- much to the delight of the other people in the club!

We hit two other clubs before eventually heading home just before 2am, all six of us- even the usually uptight Ophelia- very much the worse for wear from all the alcohol we’ve consumed. All six of us pile into a taxi, as before, and as we pull up outside Jacinta and Ophelia’s flat, a look of surprise creeps over my face as Katie and Lauren also jump out and head into the small building. Even though she says nothing, I can tell from Sarah’s body language that she really, really wants to join her four friends in what I can only assume is another ‘sleepover’.

“If you want to join them, go,” I sigh, the alcohol causing my frustration to seep through despite my best efforts.

“Noooo, no, no, no,” Sarah coos reassuringly. “I want to sleep with you tonight! Besides, I don’t have any clothes there…”

“Umm, so you went there in your clubbing dress?” I ask.

“Meh, whatever,” Sarah sighs as she cuddles her body close to mine. “Your bed is much better than Ophelia’s floor, anyway!” I giggle as I give Sarah a soft, quick kiss, but I feel more than ever like an outsider in my own relationship. When we arrive home, it doesn’t take long for us to collapse into bed wrapped in each other’s arms, but we’re soon asleep, the alcohol combined with the late night leaving neither of us up for anything more than kissing and cuddling.

“Do you, Nicola Christine Thomas,” the minister announces, “Take this woman, Sarah Jennifer Phillips, to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do,” I whisper as Sarah looks on with excitement in her eyes.

“May I see your student ID, please?” The minister asks as the church melts away to be replaced by the nightclub from last night. I panic as my hands roam all over my body, looking for a pocket in my wedding dress or anywhere I may have stashed an ID card, but to no avail. As the minister/bartender grows more and more impatient, I grow more and more frantic in my search, even reaching into my bra and lifting my skirt in search for an ID card similar to the ones Sarah, Katie, Lauren, Jacinta and Ophelia are all brandishing…

“Aah!” I yelp as I wake in bed, causing Sarah to stir.

“…Really, Nikki?” Sarah moans. “When we’re both hungover?”

“Sorry, sorry,” I moan as the pain in the centre of my head starts to pulse harder and harder.

“What are all these constant nightmares about, anyway?” Sarah asks.

“Our wedding,” I moan as I reach into my nightstand for a painkiller, before pausing as I realise exactly what I said. “Umm, not that, eh, I consider our wedding to be a nightmare, umm, or that I’m even thinking about us getting married, or-“

“I dream about it too,” Sarah whisper, rolling over in bed and fixing me with a surprised stare.

“Wh- wh- umm… Huh?” I babble.

“I have done for ages,” Sarah says. “Ever since I was about sixteen. It’s always the same dream, the two of us in the church, us both wearing wedding dresses… And it’s always the happiest day of my life.” My palms begin to sweat and my heart races as Sarah ‘confesses’ to me. I actually pinch myself to check that I’m not still dreaming before responding to Sarah’s unexpected revelation.

“It’s the same for me,” I whisper. “But- but it was, it isn’t any more. Now… We’re always interrupted by someone, or something… It’s always different each time.”

“I had no idea you were so insecure about us,” Sarah whispers, cuddling me close to her. “Is-is it because of my uni?”

“It’s my problem,” I say. “Not yours. Everyone I talk to says I need to be more relaxed, to let you do your own thing, but- but- the thought of losing you, even temporarily… That, that’s my biggest nightmare.”

“It’s mine too,” Sarah whispers. “But you’re not going to lose me, Nikki, never. I like the girls, sure, but I LOVE you.”

“If you had to choose between me and uni, which would you choose?” I ask, shuddering as a frown creeps across Sarah’s face.

“If you had to choose between me and being a girl, which would you choose?” Sarah asks, making me sigh sadly.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked you that question,” I sigh. “I know uni’s always been your dream, probably even long than this has been mine.” I gesture at my highly-feminine body, making Sarah smile and retighten her grip on me.

“I want to love Nikki the girl,” Sarah says. “I hope you’ll quickly learn to love Sarah the university student.”

“I already do,” I say, smiling as I give Sarah a long, slow kiss.

“Then why all this paranoia?” Sarah asks with a sigh. “You know I’m never going to go anywhere. Yes, I’m going to spend more time with Lauren and the other girls, but that’s purely through work, we’ll always have each other, we’ll always have US.”

“It- it’s complicated,” I sigh, my heart beating faster and faster as I yearn to tell Sarah about the ring in my handbag.

“And why did your wedding dreams suddenly turn into nightmares?” Sarah asks.

“Same reason,” I sigh, before taking a deep breath. Everyone I’ve spoken to has said the same thing over and over again: tell Sarah about the ring. Tell her I found her ring, tell her about my own ring, get everything out in the open.

“Sarah,” I whisper, nerves causing my breath to catch in my mouth. “I- I- last year, umm, I-“

“What- what is it?” Sarah asks, her own nerves clearly starting to take hold of her body.

“Sarah…” I whisper. “I- I found the ring. Your ring, in your drawer…” I pause as Sarah’s eyes start to bulge in shock.

“I- uh- I-“ Sarah babbles.

“…I have a ring too,” I say, reaching into my handbag and pulling out the small box. “I’ve, um, I’ve wanted to give it to you for months now, ever since I turned eighteen. I- I want to marry you. Sarah… Sarah Jennifer Phillips… Will you marry me?”

TO BE CONTINUED

I gently lower myself into one of the sofas in Charlotte’s vast ‘main room’, taking the weight off my aching feet before slipping off my stiletto heels and massaging the soles of my feet.

“Don’t let Hannah ever catch you doing that,” Viks giggles as she sits down next to me. “Unless you plan on going on Strictly yourself next year…”

“If they’ll have me,” I say, making Viks giggle.

“Why are you over here, anyway, and not with Sarah?” Viks asks. “Still falling out over what you were talking about yesterday?”

“…Sort-of,” I sigh as I look across the room and deep into Sarah’s deep blue-grey eyes.

“Sarah Jennifer Phillips,” I’d asked as we laid in bed this morning. “Will you marry me?”

“Uhh,” Sarah moaned, panicking almost to the point of hyperventilation. “Ni-Nikki, I- I-“

“Just- ‘yes’ or ‘no’,” I whispered. “Preferably ‘yes’…”

“Nikki…” Sarah whispered. “The- the ring’s beautiful. But…”

“No,” I moaned, tears forming in my eyes. “Please, please no ‘but’s…”

“We ARE only eighteen,” Sarah sighed. “We’re still young, we’ve got all our lives ahead of us…”

“I want to spend that life with you,” I said, not lowering the ring. “You as much as said the exact same thing. Please…”

“I- I don’t know that I’m ready yet,” Sarah whispered.

“Then why do you even HAVE an engagement ring?” I wailed. “You don’t buy an engagement ring unless you plan on proposing. You don’t propose unless you plan on getting married…”

“…I bought it just after my birthday,” Sarah sighed. “Using some money from my trust fund… I was going to ask eventually, I swear I was…”

“What changed?” I asked, slowly lowering my own ring. “You can’t have returned it, I saw the inscription inside it…”

“I- I changed,” Sarah whispered.

“Did your feelings about me change?” I asked.

“No, never,” Sarah said. “But I was young then, foolish, immature…”

“…And now you’re more mature… You don’t want to marry me?” I asked, closing the ring box as bile started to rise in my throat.

“Now… I don’t know what I want,” Sarah sighed.

“But you do,” I retorted. “You said so yourself, you’re never going to go anywhere, and I want to commit to you, forever and ever.”

“We’re still only eighteen,” Sarah whispered. “Everyone else will say we’re too young.”

“It doesn’t matter what they think,” I pleaded. “It only matters what we think. I am never, ever going to stop loving you, Sarah. You said the same about me. Yes, we’re young. Yes, we’ve got the rest of our lives… So why not spend it together? You never said ‘no’, Sarah. So I’ll ask again: will you please marry me?”

“What do you mean, ‘sort-of’?” Viks asks. “Oh, never mind, tell me later. Here she comes…!” I smile as I stare up at the widescreen television that’s been placed at the end of the vast room. On it, the familiar logo of BBC One’s Strictly Come Dancing spins into view, closely followed by the smiling, beautiful form of our friend Hannah and her professional dance partner Robin. The whole room watches enthralled as the tall man whips Hannah around the dancefloor in a beautiful quickstep, Hannah’s long, flowing dress sweeping around her with every step she takes. Everyone in the room gives Hannah a standing ovation at the end of the dance, and a second one when her score- 30 points out of a total possible 40- comes back.

“She is so cool,” I sigh happily.

“I know, I love her, I really do,” Viks sighs. “So what’s up with you and Sarah?” I take a deep breath before slipping my heels back on my sore feet.

“Excuse me,” I whisper to the confused dark-haired woman. With a shake in my step- from both nerves and my impractical shoes- I walk to the front of the room, in front of the big screen, and grab one of the nearby microphones.

“Hi everyone,” I say with a shaky voice, instantly grabbing the attention of all the partygoers. “Umm, sorry for interrupting Strictly, umm, Sarah- Sarah and I have something we need to tell you all.” Sarah stares at me with a stoic expression on her face as she reties her ponytail and joins me behind the microphone. The room watches on in silence as I take Sarah’s hands in mine, before gazing deeply into her eyes.

“Sarah,” I say with a shaky voice. “Ever since I met you four years ago, I have loved you more and more with every passing day. You complete me, mind, body and soul, and I will be forever yours.”

“Nikki,” Sarah whispers, barely loud enough for the crowd to hear. “Before I met you, I never thought I would be lucky enough to have someone in my life who brings me so much joy every hour of every day. You are truly my soul mate, I love you with every atom of my being, and I will be forever yours.”

“Sarah Jennifer Phillips,” I whisper as I slowly sink to my knees, eliciting shocked gasps from the crowd.

“Nicola Christine Thomas,” Sarah says, a wide grin spreading across her face as she joins me in kneeling.

“-Will you marry me?” We both ask simultaneously, prompting cheers from the crowd as we immediately jump up and hug each other tightly, tears streaming down both of our faces.

“Yes, obviously!” I say, making Sarah giggle uncontrollably.

“Yes!” Sarah squeaks at the same time as she tightens her grip on my body. The entire crowd goes wild, completely forgetting about the TV show on the screen behind me, as I take my ring out of my handbag for the last time and slowly slide it onto the third finger on Sarah’s left hand. Still shaking with nerves, Sarah reaches into her handbag and pulls out her ring, the same ring I first say so many months ago and haven’t seen since. Her hands are shaking so much that she nearly drops it on the floor, but is ultimately able to slide it onto my finger before kissing me again one more time.

“Oh my god oh my god!” Katie squeaks, launching herself at myself and Sarah in a tight hug. “You guys! This is so incredible!”

“At last!” Charlotte laughs as she approaches me and Sarah, giving us both long, tight hugs. Sarah and I giggle uncontrollably as literally every single person in the room- even ‘friends of friends’ that we barely know- come over to us and give us tight, friendly hugs and demands to see our rings- demands we both happily oblige! Last, but most definitely not least, is my mentor, who gives me a long, tight hug before comparing her own engagement ring to mine.

“This is so amazing,” Jamie sighs happily. “But you know you’re in a queue, right?”

“Yeah, and you’re third in it!” Viks interrupts, making Jamie and I laugh.

“Don’t worry, we’re not getting married immediately,” Sarah laughs. “We’ve talked it over, we’re going to wait until, at the earliest, I’ve graduated and Nikki’s had her SRS.”

“Sensible,” Jamie says. “So why get engaged immediately?”

“…Yes,” Sarah whispered, making my body shake with excitement. “Yes, I will marry you, Nikki.”

“You- you will?” I responded.

“Of course I will,” Sarah said, giving me a soft, gentle kiss. “I love you. Ultimately, I want us to get married and to spend the rest of our lives together.”

“’Ultimately’?” I asked, making Sarah chuckle.

“Oh my god, you are so insecure!” Sarah sighed with a smile on her face. “We ae still a bit young to get MARRIED, but you know what? We’re not too young to agree to get married. Which, if I’m right, is also known as ‘getting engaged’, isn’t it?”

“Yeah,” I whispered, still trembling with excitement as Sarah smiled at me. “Why- why did you change your mind?”

“Who says I changed my mind?” Sarah said with a coy smile. “I needed to know that this was what I truly wanted, and what you truly wanted… And it is. I’ve told you in the past that I’m not straight, I’m not gay, I’m not a lesbian… I’m strictly ‘Nikkisexual’. After uni, or maybe earlier, say when we were both twenty, I’d probably- no, I’d definitely have proposed to you.”

“…I was kinda waiting for that,” I said, my cheeks starting to flush. “What girl doesn’t want to be proposed to be the ‘person’ of their dreams? Literally, the girl of my dreams.” Sarah giggled before getting out bed, making me stand as she dropped to one knee in front of me.

“Nicola Christine Thomas,” Sarah said in a quiet, serious voice, “will you please marry me?”

“Do you even need to ask?” I whispered as tears streamed down my face. “Yes, of course I will!” Sarah laughed as she stood up and we wrapped our arms around each other.

“You know,” Sarah whispered, “it is still only 6:15… Want to go back to bed and, umm, ‘consummate our engagement’?”

“You said it, fiancée!” I said as I got back in bed, making Sarah’s grin grow even wider.

“Too right, fiancée!” Sarah giggled as she gave me a long, deep kiss. “And that’s fiancée with TWO Es. You are going to be the most beautiful bride ever!”

“Second most beautiful bride ever,” I whispered as our bodies quickly became entwined.

“…Why wait?” Sarah asks, making Jamie giggle. “Besides, we’ve been going out for four years, you and Stuart were only going out eighteen months when you got engaged…”

“Touché, touché,” Jamie giggles. “Remember our deal though, Nikki- a bridesmaid for a bridesmaid!”

“We’re not- we’re not even going to start PLANNING the wedding until after my SRS,” I laugh. “That could be another two years… But okay, you can be my bridesmaid!” I laugh as Jamie giggles and gives me another excited hug.

“Any idea on who’s going to be your maid of honour?” Jamie probes, making me groan frustratedly.

“I just said, no planning yet!” I laugh. “We want to relax and enjoy being engaged first. God knows I’ve not been relaxing much lately…” I sigh happily as Sarah wraps her arm around my waist and pulls me in for a tight cuddle.

“Hopefully now the nightmares and the stress will go,” Sarah laughs. “Guess I need to pick bridesmaids too… Sorry Jamie, but you can’t be bridesmaid to BOTH of us!”

“Oh my god,” Jamie giggles. “Two brides, loads of bridesmaids, two flower girls and absolutely NO guys? This is going to be the girliest wedding ever!”

“I know!” I squeak excitedly. “Well, ‘womanliest’, as we’re both going to be in our twenties when we actually tie the knot!”

“Well long engagement or not, you two are SO having an engagement party!” Jamie laughs.

“You haven’t even had one yet!” Sarah complains. “I know, it’s not really your fault- or Stuart’s, I guess- but still…”

“We’ll just have an extra-large engagement party when Stu’s back on his feet,” Jamie shrugs. “I’ll call around caterers on Monday, get back to you. Just call it my treat!” I laugh tiredly as Jamie practically skips away and I lead my fiancée to one of the room’s many sofas.

“Think you just had your maid of honour chosen for you,” Sarah giggles as she rests her head on my shoulder.

“I dunno, it’s weird,” I laugh. “I always thought that when I got married, my best friend would be my maid of honour.”

“Same here,” Sarah says with a sly smirk. “I much prefer this arrangement, though- where I get to marry my best friend!” I giggle as I share yet another kiss with my new fiancée, which of course prompts half the room to snap us with their phones- which of course prompts Sarah and I to kiss yet again!

“Are you ready?” Sarah asked as I finished applying my make-up and straightened the black tights underneath my short grey skirt.

“Ready as I’ll ever be,” I sighed, linking hands with my brand-new fiancée and walking downstairs.

“Morning, you two!” Dad chuckled. “You’re looking happy this morning, even more than usual for a Saturday! Is uni THAT tiring, Sarah?”

“Yes,” Sarah said coyly. “But I may have other reasons to be happy!”

“Oh?” Dad asked. “Care to share why?” Sarah and I both giggled as the middle-aged man looked at us with confusion in his eyes.

“Well, we don’t want to give anything away just yet,” I said, making Sarah giggle harder. “You, on the other hand, will, a couple of years from now…” Dad’s eyes grew wide with shock as Sarah held up her hand, showing the beautiful ring that had took up residence on her third finger.

“You- you’re getting married!?” Dad asked incredulously. “Sandra! Get down here!”

“What is it?” mum tiredly asked as she walked down the stairs and took Jenny from dad’s arms.

“Take a look at Sarah’s left hand,” dad ordered, making me and my new fiancée giggle as mum’s eyes bulged just as wide as my dad’s had.

“You- you’re engaged!?” Mum squeaked, her tiredness instantly disappearing. “Are you sure this is what you both really want?”

“One hundred per cent,” I said.

“One TRILLION per cent,” Sarah chuckled.

“Then I’m so, so happy for you both,” mum said, handing Jenny back to dad and giving us both long, tight hugs.

“Thanks, ‘future mum-in-law’!” Sarah giggled.

“When Nikki was-“ mum began, before pausing and sighing. “When Nikki was, well, ‘Nick’, we’d always hoped that he- as SHE was back then- would find a woman who would make him- again, as SHE was back then- truly happy. Just because Nick became Nikki, it didn’t mean that hope for HER changed one bit. And I’m so, so glad it’s come to pass. So… Welcome to the family, I guess!” I sighed happily, tears welling in my eyes as my mum embraced her future daughter-in-law

“Still so amazing,” Jamie sighed as she saw Sarah and I out of her house at the end of the ‘party’. “We are going to be spending a LOT of time in bridal shops over the coming few months!”

“For your wedding only!” I giggle, before a familiar extra-tall blonde figure catches my eye. “Umm, excuse us…” Sarah grimaces as she follows my eye line, before nodding and following me over to the leggy girl as she gets in her boyfriend’s car.

“Hey Dannii,” I say.

“Hey girlies!” Dannii says with a forced-looking smile on her face. “Or should I say ‘girly fiancées’?”

“The second one’s better,” Sarah chuckles.

“We didn’t get to speak to you in there… Are you okay?” I ask.

“Sure,” Dannii shrugs. “Paul’s kinda in a hurry to get home, but I’ll see you on Wednesday at ballet, okay?”

“Sure,” I say as Dannii and her boyfriend drive away, before turning to my new fiancée. “…Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry for,” Sarah says, squeezing my hand. “It’s not like you have any feelings for her, right?”

“None at all,” I say. “I just don’t like the thought that our engagement might make other people unhappy, that’s all…”

“THEIR problem,” Sarah says firmly. “Especially in Dannii’s case.”

“You’re right,” I say with a wide smile. “Especially after all she’s done.”

“We’ll still send her an invitation, of course,” Sarah says. “Sat somewhere at the back, near the fire extinguishers, maybe.” I giggle happily as Sarah drives us back to her home, where it takes us no time to head up to her bedroom to ‘consummate our engagement’ once again.

Sarah’s alarm clock wakes me from a dreamless sleep at 8:30am, and I sigh happily as Sarah stirs next to me, the beautiful ring on her left hand sparkling in the early morning sunlight as she switches off her alarm.

“Morning, fiancée,” I coo to Sarah, giving her a long kiss as she cuddles the bed sheets around the two of us.

“Morning, fiancée,” Sarah coos back. “24 hours of engagement- well, 26, technically- no regrets yet?”

“The only regret is that I didn’t ask you sooner,” I say, giving Sarah another kiss. “Not that the stress wasn’t worth it if it got me to right here, right now, but still…”

“The important thing is that we ARE right here, right now,” Sarah says, kissing me back. “Come on, get showered and dressed, we’ve got to break the news to my mum…” I nod and give Sarah yet another kiss before sliding out of bed and heading to Sarah’s shower. Once we’re both thoroughly cleaned, perfectly made-up and dressed in clean, loose dresses and shiny black tights, the two of us walk downstairs hand-in-hand to find Beverly already awake and waiting for us.

“Morning, girls!” Beverly says, giving me the same tingle of happiness I always get whenever anyone- no matter how well I know them- addresses me unambiguously as a girl. “Good night last night?”

“It was pretty good, yes,” Sarah says, smiling at me. “Mum… We have something we need to tell you.” I take a deep breath as Beverly looks at us stoically. She’s probably the most intelligent person I know, so I don’t doubt that she’s already figured out what our ‘news’ is- we wouldn’t be breaking up if we were holding hands and I lost the ability to impregnate Sarah a long, long time ago, which leaves two options- we’re moving in together, or we’re engaged. Or both…

“Nikki and I…” Sarah whispers. “We- we’re getting married.”

“I had a feeling that was what you were going to tell me,” Beverly says, getting up from her chair and giving us both quick hugs. “Obviously, I still think you’re both too young for this, but you are both adults and can make your own decisions… And I know you’ll both make each other so, so happy.”

“We’re not going to rush into getting married,” Sarah says. “Uni’s my first focus, but once that’s done, it won’t be long before we tie the knot.”

“And it’ll be after I’ve recovered from my SRS, too,” I say.

“But I wanted to make the commitment NOW,” Sarah says. “Well, the ‘commitment to commit’, anyway… I know some people say they’ll get ‘engaged to be engaged’ but that just seems pointless…”

“You don’t need to justify yourself to me!” Beverly chuckles. “If you want my blessing, then yes, you obviously have it. Who else have you told?”

“My parents,” I say.

“And our friends last night,” Sarah continues. “Nikki actually proposed yesterday morning but we had a sort-of ‘mutual proposal’ at Charlotte’s last night…”

“I wish I’d been there to see it,” Beverly sighs happily. “My only daughter get engaged to the girl of her dreams… I’m glad you’re both happy. Are you going to call your father to tell him?”

“Ooh, now that’s a treat I want to save for another time,” Sarah says with a wicked grin. “Really want to see the look on the dragon’s face when I break the news!”

“I want to see the look on her face when she finds out she’s going to have a transgendered stepdaughter-in-law!” I giggle. “Believe it or not, she STILL doesn’t know the quote-unquote ‘truth’ about me…”

“Just be careful not to antagonise her too much,” Beverly advises. “You don’t want her to sever all contact with you, I know your father will want to walk you down the aisle and your half-brother and sister will definitely want to be at the wedding.”

“We won’t push TOO hard,” I say, before mine & Sarah’s phone both beep with new text message alerts.

“Let me guess- ‘congratulations’?” Beverly asks with a chuckle.

“Yep,” I laugh. “Jamie and the rest of the girls inviting us out to lunch…”

“We should get changed!” Sarah giggles.

“You only just got dressed,” Beverly sighs, her chuckle growing louder. “But you go on, celebrate as much as you can! As long as it doesn’t interfere with your work or your uni, of course.”

“Of course,” Sarah giggles as she texts Jamie back to let her know we’ll be on our way, before leading me back upstairs to pick out an outfit for the meal.

“Pity Jacinta and Ophelia can’t make it to the meal,” Sarah muses as she swaps her dress and her tights for a slinkier, darker outfit.

“Where do they live again?” I ask.

“Brighton,” Sarah says. “So I guess it’s not too far, but public transport on a Sunday…”

“Yeah, it’s a shame,” I say. “If we get that party Jamie’s promising though, we are SO inviting them to that.”

“Really?” Sarah asks. “It wouldn’t make you too jealous to have them along?”

“Jacinta’s really nice,” I say. “I actually do want to get to know her better. And Ophelia, well… Yeah. But why would I be jealous when I can look at you and see this?” I gently stroke Sarah’s newest ring, making her giggle.

“If- if you hadn’t found the ring,” Sarah asks, “would you have bought one yourself?”

“…Eventually,” I say. “I don’t know when, maybe after you graduated. Finding the ring definitely ‘forced the issue’…”

“Knew I should’ve picked a better hiding place than buried in a pile of tights,” Sarah giggles as she enhances her make-up ahead of our meal.

“I’m glad you didn’t,” I say, kissing Sarah on her newly-reddened lips. After changing into a slinky, dark purple dress of my own, I follow Sarah down to her car, and we soon find ourselves in a very fancy London restaurant surrounded by virtually all of our friends.

“Every year,” Jamie toasts. “’Mad week’ just gets madder and madder. This year, we celebrate no fewer than SIX of our friends. To Jon, for making it through twenty-six years without dying or going mad- for the most part- to Mary, for twenty-five years or the exact same thing, and to Hannah, for twenty-three years of the same thing. To my amazing, awesome new fiancé Stuart, for- not entirely metaphorically- growing a pair.” I gaze over at the young man, who is still clearly under the weather (not to mention confined to a wheelchair) but happy following his operation, and smile at the revelation that for the first time ever, he has in his trousers that which I’ve wanted to be free from for the last eighteen and a half years.

“And last, but not least,” Jamie announces. “To Nikki and Sarah, who will both soon be blushing young brides!” Sarah and I both blush as everyone around the table raises their glasses and loudly cheers.

“So then,” Charlotte says to myself and Sarah. “Sounds like there’s a lot of bridesmaid spaces that need filling?”

“Give us a chance, we only got engaged yesterday!” Sarah laughs. “We’re not getting married for at least two years, we just want to sit back and enjoy being engaged first.”

“And it’s not like we can’t have, say, ten bridesmaids each,” I say, making Sarah nearly choke on her water.

“I think we just decided that it WON’T be a small ceremony,” Sarah says, making the whole table laugh as we celebrate through the afternoon and into the early hours of the evening. All throughout the lunch, though, I can’t help but observe that Sarah isn’t 100% happy- and when Katie and Lauren leave early (citing a need to work on their uni projects), it becomes immediately obvious why Sarah’s unhappy.

The smile gradually returns to Sarah’s face throughout the evening, and by the time we head to bed- Sarah having also worked on her project throughout the evening- she’s positively buzzing with energy, and we once again end the night in each other’s arms, covered in each other’s sweat, before falling into a deep, deep sleep.

Once again, Sarah’s alarm clock wakes me from a dreamless to sleep to find that my fiancée is already up and dressed for her day ahead.

“Morning, fiancée!” Sarah giggles, giving me a long, deep kiss. “Didn’t want to waste any time, I’ve got an early lecture, I hope you understand…”

“Sure,” I say, returning Sarah’s kiss. “See you at lunch?”

“You’d better!” Sarah giggles, before slipping her feet into a pair of boots very similar to the ones I wore last week, grabbing her handbag and heading out of the door- after giving me one more kiss, of course. As I’m not needed at work today I stay in bed until after 9am- listening to Beverly also leave the house- before getting up, showering and dressing in a very plain long-sleeved grey top, patterned black tights and a pleated dark grey miniskirt. After pulling on a comfortable pair of flats- my feet have taken enough punishment from heels and pointe shoes over the last week- I grab my handbag and head home on the tube, greeting mum and Jenny with long hugs as I walk through the front door.

“Hi Nikki,” mum says as she releases me and lets me cuddle my baby sister. “How did Beverly take the news?”

“She was happy for us,” I say. “She was kinda cautious, which is understandable I guess, I mean, Sarah IS her only child…”

“She should think of it as ‘gaining a daughter-in-law’, not ‘losing a daughter’,” mum says. “That’s certainly the way we’re looking at it!”

“First you lost a son, now you’re losing the same daughter,” I say with a chuckle.

“Noooo,” mum says firmly. “As I said, I’m not losing a child, I’m gaining a daughter-in-law! Besides, Sarah’s practically family already…”

“Wonder if you’ll say the same thing in twenty years when Jenny finds the love of her life,” I muse as I gently rock the giggling infant.

“As long as she finds a man- or woman- who makes her as happy as Sarah makes you, then we’ll be happy,” mum says. I laugh as a thought, prompted by Jamie’s fiancé’s presence at lunch yesterday, pops into my head.

“What if Jenny decides in sixteen years to become ‘Jonny’,” I ask. “And HE finds HIMself a man or woman?”

“If that’s her decision, then we’ll support her just as much as we supported you,” mum says. “Doubt that’ll happen, though, she absolutely ADORES everything girly. You know, every time I clean your room and take her in there with me, she can’t stop laughing? Reckon that when you get her in her flower girl dress, she’ll never take it off. You ARE making her flower girl, right?”

“Well, duh?” I reply, making mum giggle. “Can’t think of anyone better to be the THIRD most beautiful girl at the ceremony...”

“Speaking of,” mum says, getting out her phone. “Say cheese!”

“Ugh, why did I ever tell you about Instagram,” I sigh as mum takes a picture of me with my sister on my lap.

“Time for her feed,” mum laughs as she takes Jenny from me. “On the subject of food, I take it you’re going to meet with Sarah at lunch?”

“Yep!” I say happily. “Should probably get going, just need to send a few emails for work first.”

“Well, give my love to Sarah when you see her,” mum says, taking Jenny into the kitchen and leaving me alone with my iPad. I head out a short while later, again taking the tube to the London College of Fashion, where I find my fiancée sat at her usual lunch table with our old and new friends.

“Hey Nikkiancée!” Sarah squeaks, jumping up and giving me a tight hug.

“Hey Sarahancée!” I giggle, returning Sarah’s hug and giving her a kiss before sitting down next to her.

“Oh my god, you two are STILL so cute,” Katie gushes.

“I can’t believe you’re getting married!” Jacinta squeaks excitedly. “Show me the rings! Show me the rings!” Sarah and I both giggle as we hold out our left hands for Jacinta and Ophelia to inspect, making Jacinta sigh happily as Ophelia remains her usual aloof self.

“It’s still only just sinking in for me,” Sarah says. “But it’s back to reality today, I guess…”

“Don’t sound too disappointed, miss ‘I’ve been waiting my whole life to go to uni’!” Lauren teases Sarah, who giggles uncontrollably.

“I guess it’s just like the whole weekend was an adrenaline rush,” Sarah sighs. “I mean, I’m still the same old me, I’m just engaged to be married to the girl of my dreams!”

“Well, I’m sure we can keep the adrenaline levels up for you,” Katie giggles. “Though we will want something in return for this, say, a bridesmaid’s dress or two?”

“Oh my god,” I giggle as I bury my face in my palms.

“Ugh,” Sarah half-laughs, half-sighs. “Give us a chance, we only just got engaged. Get a bridesmaid’s dress now and it’ll be hanging in your closet for the next three years!”

“Gives me a chance to start working on designs, then!” Lauren says, making Sarah and myself both groan again.

“Why get engaged, then?” Katie asks. “I mean, if you’re not going to immediately jump into planning your wedding- which is, of course, the most fun part!”

“What, the wedding or the planning?” Sarah asks.

“Everything wedding-related!” Katie giggles. “That is the reason you got engaged, right?”

“Not exactly, not the main reason,” I say as I lean in closer to my fiancée. “The main reason I got engaged is called Sarah J. Phillips!”

“Aww, that is so, so sweet,” Jacinta sighs as Sarah and I share a kiss.

“I mean, yeah, when I was younger, I’d literally dream of being a bride,” I say. “But now that I’m a teeny-tiny bit older, I realise that I’d rather be a wife.”

“Though she’s settling for ‘fiancée’ for the next few years!” Sarah says, making me and the other girls giggle.

“So please,” I say. “Talk about something that isn’t a wedding, your coursework, your next student party, whatever!” The whole table giggles again as the other girls dutifully change the topic and start discussing the morning’s lectures, before leaving a short while later to return to their classes. I take the opportunity to head home, where I start to realise what Sarah said about the ‘adrenaline rush’- after the excitement of the weekend, the parties, telling our parents… Going back to work tomorrow will seem almost- for want of a better word- boring by comparison.

“Afternoon, future wife of my future daughter-in-law!” Dad chuckles as I walk through the front door and collapse on the sofa.

“Afternoon,” I say tiredly.

“Oh please, lunch wasn’t THAT tiring, was it?” Dad chuckles.

“No, that was the weekend,” I say, making dad chuckle.

“Right, well it’s Monday today and you’ve work tomorrow, so stop wilting!” My father orders.

“Oh, what is this?” I ask. “Give me a break…”

“I can see that look on your face,” dad says. “Even underneath the vast amount of make-up you always slap on it.”

“What look?” I ask.

“The look that says ‘I can never be satisfied’,” dad says.

“I AM satisfied,” I moan. “I got my ‘happy ending’, didn’t I? I got the girl, didn’t I?”

“Yes and yes,” dad replies. “And now you’ve got nothing to obsess over and it’s a completely foreign experience for you.”

“Oh- what the f- flip do you mean?” I ask, conscious of my baby sister playing on the living room floor.

“Let’s look back over your life,” dad says, sitting back with an almost smug look on his face. “Aged fourteen, you’d spend every weekend desperate to reach the weekend and see Sarah, Aged 15, you were obsessed with growing your hair and even more obsessed with Sarah. You were obsessive about getting to your sixteenth birthday- I’ll say no more about THAT one- you were obsessed over your exams, over coming out to us, over your body changing due to the hormones, you were stressed out about college, then about leaving college, you were obsessive over reaching your eighteenth birthday so you could propose, then you obsessed over proposing…”

“Point?” I ask.

“You’ve put all the stress, all the obsession, in the past where it belongs,” dad says. “You got your happy ending, you got the girl, so sit back and relax! Enjoy it a little.”

“I’m doing that exact thing,” I retort. “Sarah and I aren’t planning anything to do with the wedding for the foreseeable future, we’re just going to enjoy being engaged.”

“Your mouth says that,” dad says, “but I know you. A month from now you’ll have tried on a hundred different wedding dresses. Or you’ll obsess over something else, maybe your ‘final operation’…”

“So what if I do?” I ask. “It’s my life, I’ll live it at 100mph if I want…”

“…Living your life fast is fine,” dad advised, “as long as you don’t go face-first into a brick wall.”

“I haven’t so far, have I?” I ask.

“You’re still only eighteen,” dad says. “You’ve already done so much… It wouldn’t hurt you to slow down a little.”

“I’ve got sixteen years of life to make up for,” I say. “Life I spent as a gender I hated being.”

“Looking at you now,” dad says, “I’d have a hard time believing that you were ever a boy. And I saw you for every single day of those sixteen years. Trust me- you’re doing fine on that regard.”

“…Thanks,” I say as dad smiles at me. “Do- do you ever miss having a son?”

“Whenever I do,” dad says, “I always remind myself about the amazing daughter I gained. Don’t forget that before you were born, we would’ve been happy with a boy or a girl. We just wish you’d told us earlier so we didn’t have to spend so much money on clothes that never got worn!” I let out a long, happy giggle, before taking dad’s advice and relaxing back on the sofa, letting all my anxieties slip away. The more I think about it, the more I realise that dad’s right- I’ve been obsessing over the ring for so long it feels weird to not obsess over it. But where dad’s wrong is that the obsession wasn’t about the ring, it was about Sarah- and every question I needed her to answer has been answered with the answer I wanted to hear. In fact, every question I needed anyone to answer, about Sarah, my transition or anything else, has been answered with the answer I wanted to hear.

My fiancée returns home just after 4:30pm and immediately joins me on the sofa, cuddling up next to me and convincing me even further that I have nothing to worry or obsess about- unless you count ‘enjoying a happy life’ as an obsession.

“Good day at uni?” I ask Sarah, who responds by cuddling herself even closer to me.

“Just as amazing as always,” Sarah replies.

“Still on an ‘adrenaline crash’?” I ask, making my fiancée giggle.

“A bit,” Sarah laughs. “Once I got stuck into my work it got a little better, it’s like, you know, life goes on as normal, the only difference is that we’re engaged…”

“It IS a big difference,” I say. “A big change…”

“But a change for the better,” Sarah sighs happily.

“Do you have any work to do for tomorrow?” I ask Sarah, who smiles at me.

“A little,” my fiancée replies. “But it can wait for now.” I smile at Sarah as we relax back on the sofa and unwind watching TV. Sure enough, Sarah does do a little work before we head to bed, but unlike last week, she lets me help with every sentence she types, seeking my opinion before moving on, even though I have nothing productive to contribute.

The following morning, for the first time in a while, I wake first, showering, applying my make-up and pulling on my usual work ‘uniform’ all before Sarah even begins to stir. As her beautiful blue eyes slowly open, I crouch down next to her face and gently tease her nose with a soft kiss, making her moan happily.

“Morning, fiancée!” I whisper, making Sarah smile.

“Morning, fiancée!” Sarah whispers, before giving me a long, soft kiss. “Seeing what I mean by ‘adrenaline crash’ yet?”

“Truthfully, I was feeling it yesterday,” I giggle as I stand up and straighten my tights. “I mean, yes, I’m wearing the same old blouse, the same old skirt, the same old heels… But NOT the same old jewellery!” Sarah giggles as she stretches the tiredness out of her body and slowly slides out from underneath the covers, smiling as she pads toward the bathroom. After Sarah’s showered and dressed, we head down to my car together where we spend several minutes simply making out, both before we set off and as I drop her off outside her university campus. After fixing my understandably-smudged lipstick, I drive my car to my next destination- the posh suburban home of my ‘boss’ for the day.

“Hey, birthday girl!” I say to Mary as she slides onto the passenger seat of my car. “Did you have a good time in Belfast?”

“Good as always,” Mary says, before pulling my left hand off of my gearstick. “And look at you, Miss fiancée! Couldn’t have waited until I got back before popping the question?”

“It’s already on YouTube,” I shrug, making Mary laugh. “And in truth, I’d already waited so long… It really was starting to drive me crazy.”

“Well I’m glad everything worked out,” Mary says. “You and Sarah make such a cute couple… Have you set a date yet? Have you picked bridesmaids? I’ve got about twenty Pinterest boards full of bridal ideas, you’re welcome to any of them whenever you want…”

“Whoa, back up a little!” I giggle. “We only got engaged three days ago, we’re not planning on actually tying the knot for several years…”

“Have you at least picked out a church?” Mary asks.

“Know many churches that’ll happily marry two women to each other?” I ask, making Mary pause.

“Sure, that never even occurred to me,” Mary chuckles. “I don’t think of you and Sarah as a lesbian couple, I just think of you as ‘a couple’…”

“I mean yes,” I sigh. “I’d love to get married in a big, fancy church… But as long as Sarah’s there, I don’t really mind where I get married. Hell, Charlotte’s back yard would be more than fine, with Joshua or someone performing the ceremony…”

“Joshua wouldn’t,” Mary says. “He’s a devoted Anglican, he wouldn’t get one of those online ordinations… Krystie probably would, though. Stuart’s also an atheist, I think, so he wouldn’t object either…”

“As I said,” I laugh. “We’ve got plenty of time to think about this. Not getting married until I’ve had my SRS and Sarah’s graduated.”

“Sorry, sorry,” Mary laughs. “It’s just so exciting, first Viks, then Jamie, now you… Sure, your wedding’s going to have two brides in it! That means plenty of bridesmaid spaces up for grabs, right?”

“Please, can we change the subject?” I say, making Mary laugh.

“Come on,” the Irishwoman giggles. “Surely you love chatting about weddings and dresses and all things girly?”

“More than anything,” I sigh. “I just- I just can’t afford to get obsessed yet again…”

“Eh, it’s your wedding,” Mary shrugs. “Are you at least going to have a proper engagement party?”

“Now THAT I’m happy to talk about!” I say, making Mary giggle yet again as we head to her place of work for today, where we remain until long into the afternoon as Mary models dozens of bikinis and one-piece swimsuits (several of which she turns over to me at the end of the shoot). After dropping Mary off at her home, I head straight to Sarah’s house, arriving just after 3:30pm. Finding myself alone in the house, I break out my personal iPad and open up the Pinterest app, quickly finding Mary’s numerous wedding-related boards.

As I scroll through all the images, though, it quickly dawns on me just what a massive undertaking the wedding will be. In addition to the venue, the minister, the dresses, the bridesmaids, the bridesmaids’ dresses, I have to worry about the reception, the cake, the invitations, the place settings, the decorations of the reception venue, the flowers, my hair, my make-up, my nails, Sarah’s hair, Sarah’s make-up, Sarah’s nails… It slowly begins to dawn on me just why most eighteen year olds don’t immediately jump into getting married. Hell, I’m beginning to think that even with the three years we’ve given ourselves, we won’t have enough time to plan this wedding, especially with Sarah spending most of her free time on her studies…

“Hey, fiancée!” Sarah giggles as she returns from university and cuddles up next to me on the sofa. “Good day at work?”

“Yeah,” I sigh. “Long day, though…”

“Aww, poor you,” Sarah coos mockingly. “Having to hang out all day with supermodels, having to take home an armful of cute swimsuits…”

“…That I won’t get to wear for ages as it’s October,” I retort, making Sarah giggle. “Mary was excited about the engagement, obviously.”

“As she should be,” Sarah says. “What are you looking at on your iPad? Is that Pinterest?”

“Yeah,” I say. “Mary’s Pinterest, actually. She recommended I look at it for wedding ideas.”

“We have three years to worry about it!” Sarah laughs. “There’s no rush yet, surely?”

“…You’d have thought,” I sigh. “There- there’s so much to look into, so much to plan…”

“…All of which can wait!” Sarah insists. “It’s not like either of us are going anywhere. Just look at my left hand if you need any further proof. You- you still want to get married, right? Because if you’re having doubts now-“

“No doubts,” I say firmly. “I want to marry you. I want to BE married to you, and everything that entails…”

“…Including getting our own place?” Sarah asks, making me stand up from the sofa and stretch my body out to relieve the tension.

“…Okay,” I say. “We- we have moved too fast, haven’t we?”

“If you’re having second thoughts, it’s only natural,” Sarah whispers. “Even if we forget the wedding there’s so much we need to do, we still need to tell our grandparents, I need to tell my dad…”

“I’m not having second thoughts about loving you,” I say. “Not about wanting to marry you, I’ll ALWAYS be certain about that. It’s just…”

“You don’t need to say it,” Sarah says. “I know what you mean. It’s too much to think about right now, we’re in too deep…”

“I don’t want to cancel the engagement,” I say. “No way, not ever. I don’t want us to go backwards…”

“…But that doesn’t mean we have to keep pushing forwards,” Sarah says. “If we stretch out this metaphor a bit further… I like it where we are now. So how about this- for the next 365 days, we don’t do, say or even think a single thing about our wedding. We just stay where we are, in our comfort zone, and enjoy being together as fiancées. Deal?”

“Three hundred and sixty-SIX days,” I retort. “It’s a leap year next year.”

“366 days it is!” Sarah says as I return to the sofa and wrap myself around my fiancée, my father’s caution of not becoming ‘obsessed’ floating around my mind as I know the next 366 days may well be the longest year of my life…

Sarah and I spend the rest of the evening on the sofa, Sarah catching up with uni work whilst I catch up with Netflix. Beverly is understandably pleased to hear about our ‘wedding ban’ when she returns from work, calling our decision ‘very mature’- which for her is a very high compliment. As Sarah and I head to bed, our bodies entwined, all I can think about is how much I adore Sarah, and how there’s nowhere I’d rather be than in her arms.

“Do you, Nicola Christine Thomas,” the minister says boldly, “take this woman, Sarah Jennifer Phillips, to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do,” I say, my voice trembling with nerves.

“And do you, Sarah Jennifer Phillips,” the minister says, turning to face Sarah. “Take this woman, Nicola Christine Thomas, to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do,” Sarah whispers. “In 366 days’ time.” I stare at Sarah’s beautiful face as time seems to stand still, and I sigh heavily as I realise that nothing that’s happening is real.

“This is a dream!” I yell, causing the minister, the church, the congregation and Sarah herself to melt into nothingness as I slowly open my eyes to find myself in bed with my fiancée, our arms loosely wrapped around each other. I sigh heavily as I rest my head back on the pillow and try to get back to sleep, but the thin streams of sunlight poking through Sarah’s curtains tells me that I’ll be getting up in mere minutes anyway, even though Sarah’s not at university today and I won’t be at work until the afternoon.

Sure enough, Sarah’s alarm clock rings a mere half hour later, making Sarah scrunch up her face as she blinks herself back into consciousness.

“Morning, fiancée,” I whisper, giving Sarah a soft, quick kiss.

“Mmm, morning, fiancée,” Sarah tiredly sighs, returning my kiss.

“Time to get up,” I say. “Unless you’re planning on skipping ballet two weeks in a row and REALLY pissing off Krystie…”

“She wasn’t THAT annoyed,” Sarah says as she swings her smooth, bare legs out of bed and pads toward her shower. “Oh, and I spoke to Jacinta and Ophelia about it yesterday too.”

“Cool!” I reply. “What did they say?”

“Ophelia gave me a cryptic, random reply that I wasn’t sure was a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’,” Sarah shouts over the sound of roaring hot water.

“Fancy that,” I reply, making Sarah giggle. “And Jacinta?”

“She seems really up for it,” Sarah replies. “Especially when I told her she’d have to wear a leotard to class.”

“She’s only been transitioning a year,” I say. “Anything ultra-feminine like that’s bound to appeal to her.”

“Yeah, kinda reminds me of someone,” Sarah says, kissing me and giggling as I take her place under the shower.

“Reckon they’d be interested in coming along this morning?” I ask. “To observe, I mean. I’d really like to get to know the two of them better, especially Jacinta…”

“I would say ‘should I be jealous’ but I know for a fact that she only likes men,” Sarah retorts, making me giggle. “And I’m glad you want to be friends with my friends. It’ll make picking-“

“366 days!” I yell, silencing my fiancée.

“…Sorry,” Sarah mumbles in a quiet, meek voice. “I was going to say ‘It’ll make picking teams for the student union pub quiz easier’.”

“THAT’s the best you could come up with?” I ask as I step out of the shower with towels wrapped around my hair and my chest.

“Give me a break,” Sarah sighs. “I only just got up…” Sarah stares at me with a mock ‘hurt’ face, but all it causes me to do is break down in a fit of giggles, with my fiancée following suit mere seconds later. Once we’ve composed ourselves, and I’ve had a chance to blow-dry my hair, we get dressed for the day, slipping our soft, hairless legs into pink tights before stretching tight black leotards across our bodies. After applying a light layer of make-up and tying each other’s hair back into tight ponytails, we both pull on knee-length grey sweater dresses and black flats before heading down to Sarah’s car, saying goodbye to Sarah’s mother as we leave.

After a short drive, Sarah and I open the doors to Krystie’s dance studio and our cheeks immediately start to blush as we see all of our friends waiting for us inside with wide smiles on their faces. All the girls spontaneously burst into a round of applause once they see us, and eagerly show off the fact that they’re all wearing pink t-shirts over their leotards that are emblazoned with a red, glittery heart, the centre of which has a big, fancy ‘N’ and a big, fancy ‘S’.

“Here comes the brides…” Krystie playfully sings as Sarah and I strip off our dresses and tie our ballet slippers to our feet.

“Here come the shirts!” Jamie squeaks, handing both t-shirts that are identical to the ones the other girls are wearing.

“Seriously?” Sarah asks as she pulls the shirt on over her leotard. “You didn’t go this mental for your engagement…”

“That came out of the blue,” Jamie explains. “We’ve had these shirts in storage for almost two months!”

“Along with a couple of other things you’ll see at the end of the lesson…” Krystie teases, before ushering everyone into the dance studio, our t-shirts still firmly in place.

“Girls,” Krystie announces once the class is all lined up at the barre, “I’m sure you’ve all noticed a change in uniform for today… And I of course DON’T mean the t-shirts, I mean the sparkling rings two of our younger classmates are wearing today!” Sarah and I both blush as we hold up our left hands, showing off our engagement rings.

“Are we dancing today, or just cooing over people’s rings?” I ask, making everyone chuckle.

“I’d be happy to just coo over rings all day,” Katie says, making everyone giggle.

“No, no, let’s get this thing started,” Krystie chuckles, starting the music on her iPod as we begin our stretches and warm-ups. An hour later, after we’ve finished our pointe exercises, I start to head for the exit to get changed, only to be suddenly stopped by our teacher.

“Whoa, whoa whoa whoa,” Krystie giggles. “Not so fast, I’ve got a little surprise for you two…” Sarah and I watch, our cheeks once again flushed with embarrassment, as Krystie removes two beautiful, long white tutus from her storage closet and hands them to us, along with two sparkling silver tiaras. Within five minutes, Sarah and I have changed into the beautiful creations, and are dancing a brief routine choreographed by Krystie, ending with the two of us kneeling down next to each other, holding each other’s hands. Sarah and I both giggle before giving each other a quick kiss, much to the delight of the other girls.

“Three hundred and sixty-SEVEN days?” I ask Sarah, who simply sighs and giggles.

“Come on, let’s get changed,” Sarah sighs, leading me to the dressing room where I change back into my sweater dress.

“Aww, that was such a cute dance!” Jamie giggles as she joins myself and Sarah in the dressing room. “You know, I reckon Krystie wouldn’t object if you DO choose those tutus as your wedding dresses…”

“We would object!” Sarah says, making Jamie giggle even more.

“Okay, fair enough, fair enough,” Jamie laughs. “Oh, I’d thought we’d have your engagement party on Friday this week, that way Hannah can attend, is that okay with you?”

“Sure, but I’m at work with Viks all day Friday,” I say.

“I’m not going to expect you to help set up your own party!” Jamie giggles. “I’ll sort it all out, don’t worry. Though I trust you’ll have everything ready for tonight?”

“Of course, that IS part of what you pay me for!” I giggle.

“I’ll try to be there,” Sarah says. “Depends on uni work… Don’t really want to leave my new friends in the lurch by skipping off to a celebrity party, you know.”

“Well obviously bring them along on Friday,” Jamie shrugs. “It’s your party, you invite who you want!” Sarah giggles happily as she finishes changing back into her sweater dress, before pulling on her flats and giving me a long, slow kiss.

“I’ll see you later,” my fiancée says, before heading to her car and driving away with Katie and Lauren in tow.

“Need me to drop you home?” Jamie asks as she gets in her own car.

“Umm, no thanks,” I reply. “I’m not heading immediately home…”

Less than an hour later, I step through the front door of my counsellor’s office and am greeted with a wide smile when she sees the ring on my left hand.

“Nikki!” Dr Williamson says in a near-giggle. “That’s a very nice ring… I can tell we have a lot to talk about today, but I can already tell you look a lot happier than you did last week.”

“It’s like a massive weight’s been lifted from me,” I say as I sit down, smoothing my short dress over my thighs. “No more pussyfooting around the subject of the ring, it’s all out in the open, me and Sarah are engaged, at long last!”

“Well, congratulations, to both of you,” Dr Williamson says.

“One thing we’ve both noticed, though,” I say. “Is that we’re both on kind-of a ‘comedown’, you know, it’s like ‘we’re engaged now- what next?’ That sort of thing.”

“I get what you’re saying,” Dr Williamson says.

“All our friends are going bonkers, of course,” I sigh. “Throwing us engagement parties, talking about dresses and bridesmaids…”

“I would advise against rushing into actual marriage in the same way you rushed into getting engaged,” Dr Williamson advises.

“Oh, we’re way ahead of you,” I say. “We don’t want to get married until after my SRS and Sarah’s graduation. It’s just- now we’re engaged, it’s like we’re expected to talk about our wedding every second of every day.”

“It’s understandable that your friends are excited,” Dr Williamson says. “I’m guessing that you’re the first of your friends of your age group to get engaged?”

“Safe guess,” I reply, making my counsellor laugh.

“Yes, yes it is,” Dr Williamson chuckles. “But it will make your friends excited, that’s the point. The excitement will die down soon, but it’s up to you and Sarah to not let it get on top of you, to act maturely and not make any rash decisions.”

“Like eloping?” I ask, making Dr Williamson snort with laughter again.

“Yes, that would probably be top of the ‘most rash’ list,” the middle-aged woman confirms.

“We’ve actually set ourselves a sort-of ‘rule,” I say. “No wedding discussion for the next 366 days, just relaxing, sitting back being engaged… Dad says I have a kind-of ‘obsessive’ personality, I guess he’s not wrong…”

“That’s an overly simplified way of putting it,” Dr Williamson says. “But you do have a habit of clinging onto a thought, or a feeling tighter than is perhaps healthy. Part of the ‘comedown’ you described may be because you’ve finally ‘loosened your grip’ on the obsession over the ring.”

“Dad said the same thing,” I mumble.

“Smart man,” Dr Williamson chuckles. “But as I said, what’s important now is that you don’t jump into a new obsession or make any rash decisions.”

“…And I assume you’re able to help me there?” I ask.

“Of course,” Dr Williamson confirms. I smile as I get out my notebook and start jotting down the words of wisdom my counsellor supplies over the next hour. As I prepare to leave at the end of my session, however, I’m stopped by my counsellor, who has a serious look on her face.

“One last thing,” Dr Williamson says, her facial expression more awkward than I’ve ever seen her. “When you were discussing your wedding, you mentioned postponing it until after your SRS… I assume you are still committed to undergoing SRS?”

“Of course,” I say.

“It’s just that you’ve been fully transitioning for well over two years,” Dr Williamson continues. “That is the minimum amount of time we recommend people live full-time in their acquired gender before thinking about surgery. Technically, you could start the referral process for SRS whenever you’re ready.” I open my mouth to respond, but this news has taken me completely by shock. SRS was always a long-term goal of mine, but it always seemed more like a fantasy, an aspiration to try to reach toward… It never occurred to me before now that SRS is finally within- or at least, starting to come toward- my reach.

“Umm, but I’m only eighteen,” I feebly retort.

“That didn’t stop you from getting engaged,” Dr Williamson says. “You’ve shown over the past two years that you’re serious about living and working full-time as a woman, and that you’ve left your life as a boy completely in the past. Obviously, you’d need a second opinion, but I personally believe that you’d be a good candidate for SRS. Obviously, not everyone who transitions ultimately ends up having SRS, but-“

“This is something I need to think a little more about,” I say, cutting off my counsellor.

“Okay,” Dr Williamson says, clearly taken aback by my abruptness. “Well obviously there’s no rush, as you say, you ARE only eighteen, many people don’t undergo SRS until they’re in their thirties or forties- your friend Stuart, for example, was transitioning for nine years before undergoing SRS, and from what I gather he lives a full life as a man.”

“…Can we, um, issue a moratorium on my SRS as well, please?” I ask. “At least until I get a chance to look into it more myself… Say five months, until my birthday?”

“Of course,” Dr Williamson says. “But you’re welcome to break your ‘moratorium’ anytime you need to talk, and that includes by phone or email.”

“Thanks,” I say with a smile, before saying goodbye to the middle-aged woman who’s been a constant source of support over the last three years. After getting the tube back home, I drop off my dance bag and exchange my sweater dress and leotard for the short pencil skirt, white blouse and stiletto heels I’ve worn to work for the last year, before heading downstairs and being greeted by smiles from my mother and my sister.

“If you weren’t ‘back to reality’ yesterday, you certainly are today!” Mum giggles as I kiss her and Jenny goodbye. A short drive later, I find myself outside yet another dance studio, inside which is my boss for the day- a woman who is rapidly becoming a beloved national celebrity, but who still launches herself at me and wraps me in a tight hug the second she sees me poke my head around the studio door.

“Nikki Nikki Nikki!” Hannah squeaks as she bounces up and down, forcing me to also bounce with her. “Show me the ring! Quick!” I sigh as I hold out my left hand for Hannah and her dance partner Robin, both of whom coo happily.

“Stop fussing over me when you’re my employer,” I giggle, making the pair laugh. “Especially when it’s your birthday, too!”

“Yeah, but I’m not ENGAGED!” Hannah giggles. “Now that you’re here, want to dance with Robin?”

“Umm… Is that appropriate?” I ask, making Hannah and Robin pause briefly.

“I don’t see why not,” Robin says hesitantly, obviously as surprised by Hannah’s offer as I was.

“Yeah,” Hannah says. “I mean, you’ve got your certificate, and everything…”

“Oh, no, that’s not what I meant,” I say, chuckling as I realise what the two people mean. “I mean because, well, you’re my boss, and you need practice…”

“Thanks for your use of the word ‘need’!” Hannah giggles.

“We’re honestly doing fine, I don’t mind,” Robin chuckles. “She’s already palmed me off onto her other friends when they’ve been here, and you’re at least the right height!” I giggle as Robin offers me his hand, which I take and immediately twirled onto the dancefloor, clinging onto the handsome young man as he whirls me around the floor in a simple- but still technically brilliant- waltz.

“You’re going to need practice for the first dance at your reception, anyway!” Hannah giggles from the side of the room, making me sigh and roll my eyes. Even here I can’t escape from wedding planning…

After the dance, I wait at the side of the room for Hannah and Robin to finish practice for their salsa dance- and from what I can tell, they are every bit as good as Robin claimed. Once they’ve finished their practice, I drive the two of them back to Charlotte’s house for Hannah’s birthday party, which, unsurprisingly, has a ‘Strictly Come Dancing’ theme. The six ‘main’ Angels- Charlotte, Jamie, Krystie, Mary, Viks and, of course, Hannah herself- all take it turns dancing with Robin as cameras record them for both their reality TV show and for the Strictly Come Dancing support show on BBC2.

I, however, remain on the side-lines with the other guests, watching in my relatively plain Sarah-made cocktail dress as the ‘real’ Angels get to have fun in their elaborate bespoke dance dresses. I’m not alone, of course- there are plenty of people for me to mingle with- but Katie and Lauren aren’t at the party, and Sarah only drops by briefly to say hi to Hannah and drop off our present to her (a bespoke dress, unsurprisingly) before giving me a kiss and heading back to her ‘coursework party’ with the other girls. And as fancy and flashy as this celebrity party is, as privileged as I- an eighteen year old girl- feel for being invited to the party… A part of me really wishes I was leaving with Sarah.

Nonetheless, I stay at the party until just past 11pm before heading home and collapsing straight into my bed, exhausted after a long day and needing to rest ahead of another very long day tomorrow. As always, after my alarm goes off, I wake up, shower, apply my make-up and change into my work clothes before saying goodbye to mum and Jenny and getting into my car. This morning I’m not working with an Angel, but have instead been ‘loaned’ to Out of Heaven, the girl band managed by the same agency as the Angels. Even though I’m not particularly close with any of the five girls, even they make repeated demands to see my ring, cooing over it even as I’m escorting them to their dressing room ahead of their photoshoot.

The photoshoot lasts until late into the afternoon, by which point all six of us are exhausted from the day’s efforts. Whilst a part of me envies the girls for their fame, and the fact that they’re in front of the camera whilst I’m off to one side, a larger part of me is grateful to have a job that I both enjoy and am skilled at- even as the girls continue to pester me about my ring as I drop them at their homes in the bright pink London cab owned by the agency. After dropping the last of the girls off, I return the cab to the agency and get back in my own car (which obviously wasn’t big enough to carry six people), which I drive straight to the now-very familiar car park of the London College of Fashion.

I only sit waiting in the car for ten minutes before my passenger door opens and Sarah- and her bulging bag of books- slides onto the seat next to me with a tired smile on her face.

“Hey, fiancée!” Sarah giggles, giving me a slow kiss before I drive us away. “Long day?”

“Yeah,” I sigh. “Still, for both of us it’s just one more day until the weekend!”

“And our engagement party!” Sarah squeaks happily. “And yes, I asked Jacinta and Ophelia, and they’re both really looking forward to it!”

“Whatever happened to ‘367 days’?” I ask.

“Three hundred and sixty-EIGHT days,” Sarah sighs. “And it’s celebrating our ‘engagement’, has nothing to do with the ‘W’ word, so it doesn’t count toward it!”

“368 days?” I ask. “Isn’t that supposed to be counting DOWN, not up?”

“Ugh,” Sarah spits. “Lauren spent the whole of lunch talking about bridesmaids’ dresses…”

“Maybe we should get a swear jar going,” I chuckle. “Only instead of foul language it can be any mention of the ‘W’ word…”

“Bit drastic,” Sarah giggles. “And I suppose it couldn’t hurt to do a LITTLE planning… Almost wish I’d never bought that ring now…”

“I know it sounds bad,” I whisper, “but I kind-of wish that too…”

“Whatever,” Sarah says dismissively. “The important thing is that we asked each other, we both said ‘yes’, so we ARE getting married… But when WE say we are.”

“Hell yeah!” I giggle as I drive us toward my home, which I arrive at to find two old, familiar cars parked on the street outside. I take several deep, nervous breaths before exiting the car and gripping the hand of the woman I love.

“Remember,” Sarah says firmly. “There was nothing they could do about the girl you are, there’s nothing they can do about this either.” I nod as I enter the house to find not just my sister and my parents, but all four of my grandparents as well. I greet both my grandmothers with hugs, but for both grandfathers the greeting is limited to just a handshake. In particular, Grandpa Steven- the one I argued with on the Jeremy Kyle Show last year- barely seems able to look at me.

"It's been a while since we were all sat in the same room," Grandpa Bill- my mother's father- remarks. "Jenny's christening, if I remember rightly..."

"And before that, it was May two years ago," Grandpa Steven says in a gruff voice, making me wince. "Why do I get the feeling we're going to get another bombshell?"

"Not a 'bombshell'," mum says, silencing her father-in-law. "Just good news. Great, great news."

"Nikki?" Dad says, focussing my grandparents' gazes on me. I take a deep breath and clear my hand.

"It's about me and Sarah," I say, unlinking my hand from Sarah's and showing off my new ring. "We- we're getting married." A brief pause fills the room, before Nanna Jean- my maternal grandmother- slowly rises from the sofa and comes over to me and Sarah, giving us both a tight, loving hug.

"Wonderful, wonderful news!" My grandmother beams. "Isn't it wonderful news, Bill?"

"Umm, yes, I suppose it is!" Grandpa Bill says, stuttering as his wife puts him on the spots. "But aren't you both a little young? You're only eighteen..."

"That still makes us adults," I retort. "And we've both had the rings a while... We're not going to rush into marriage itself, we're going to wait until after Sarah's graduated and I've- um, well, we're going to wait until Sarah's graduated, so 2018 or 2019..."

"We'll be almost eighty by then!" Nanna Jean chuckles. "Don't keep us waiting too long!"

"Mum?" Dad asks, staring pointedly at his own parents. "Dad? Is there something you'd like to say to Nikki and Sarah?"

"Umm," Grandpa Steven says, awkwardly rising from his sofa. "Umm, congratulations Nikki, congratulations Sarah..." I can't help but bristle slightly as my grandfather gives both of us an awkward hug, as does Grandma Irene, who remains silent.

"Well," mum says, breaking the awkward silence. "I don't know about anyone else, but I feel this news deserves to be celebrated! Anyone for champagne?"

"Absolutely!" Nanna Jean says with a wide grin. "None for your father though, he's driving!"

"Mum? Dad?" Dad asks his parents.

"Umm, well, we should..." Grandpa Steven mumbles.

"One glass won't hurt!" Grandma Irene says, forcing her husband back onto the sofa as Sarah and I giggle excitedly. "And that is a beautiful beautiful ring, Nikki! Sarah, that must have cost you a packet!"

"Your granddaughter’s marrying into money," Sarah shrugs, making everyone in the room chuckle.

"Just as long as she's marrying into love and happiness, that's enough for me!" Nanna Jean says as mum hands her- and everyone except my two grandfathers- a glass of cool, bubbly champagne.

My grandparents stay for the next hour and a half, regaling us with tales of their own weddings in the 1960s and my parents' wedding in the 1990s, before departing (taking the time to coo over Jenny first, of course) and leaving myself and Sarah on the sofa, worn out from the day but excited about tomorrow- particularly our party tomorrow evening!

I have a smile on my face as my alarm clock wakes me at 7:15am and I unwrap myself from around Sarah's body, pulling on my work clothes for the final time this week (and sighing at the ever-growing bundle of worn tights in my laundry basket) before heading down to my car hand-in-hand with the woman I'm going to marry.

"Meet you back here after dinner?" Sarah asks as she fastens her seatbelt and smoothes her short pleated skirt over her nylon-covered thighs.

"Yeah," I reply, before a thought hits me. "Actually... How about I meet you at Ophelia's flat?"

"Seriously?" Sarah asks. "You do know it's not very big, right?"

"I've barely seen any of the girlies all week," I say. "Reckon Katie and Lauren will be there too... Jamie's always telling me 'you can never have too many friends'."

"She IS a clever woman," Sarah chuckles. "Okay, I'll let Ophelia know we'll be 'invading' her flat tonight!"

"Cool!" I giggle as I drop Sarah off at her university, before picking Viks up for my final 'appointment' of the week.

After dropping the dark-haired woman back at her home (and comparing our engagement rings, naturally), I head back to my house to drop off my car and pick out a dress to wear to the party, before dad gives me a lift to Ophelia and Jacinta's modest flat, which I'm welcomed into like an old friend even though I've only met the two girls a handful of times.

"Hey Nikki!" Jacinta squeaks excitedly, giving me a tight hug the second I step through the door.

"Careful of the dress!" I laugh, making Jacinta giggle even harder.

"Oh my god, sorry!" The other transgendered girl laughs before leading me upstairs to her tiny bedroom. "This is so cool, I can't believe you invited me and Ophelia to your party!"

"Why wouldn't we?" I laugh. "It's OUR party, after all..."

"Yeah, but, like, you're sort-of famous," Jacinta says. "We're just students..."

"You're our FRIENDS," I say. "That's what matters most. And have you thought any more about ballet yet?"

"Oh, I SO want to do it," Jacinta laughs as she strips off her 'day' clothes, standing before me in just her underpants without a second thought. "I'd be like a hippo out there, though..."

"Take it from someone who has a lot of experience in this matter," I say. "You never know exactly what will happen until you take the plunge, and it's better to just do it and find out than spend months stressing over whether or not it's the right thing to do..."

"You- you're not just talking about ballet, are you?" Jacinta asks, squeezing herself into a tiny black cocktail dress.

"I'm not just talking about this, either," I reply, holding up my engagement ring. "I'm also talking about these..." I shiver a little as I remove my bra, before pouring myself into my own purple halter neck minidress. "And I can tell just by looking at you that taking THAT plunge worked out for the best!"

"Indeed it did!" Jacinta laughs. "Okay, I'll twist Ophelia's arm, she'll probably insist on wearing a gold brocade leotard or something..." I giggle as Jacinta and I finish applying our thick make-up, before heading downstairs to see the other four girls waiting for us, all of them as dolled up as Jacinta and I. I of course make a beeline for my fiancée, giving her a long, deep kiss- much to the delight of the other girls- before we all head out to our waiting taxi, which whisks us away to our party.

"Hey girlies!" Jamie squeaks excitedly as she ushers us into her and Charlotte's home- which has been decorated top to bottom with pink balloons, pink streamers (which Sarah and I have thrown at us the second we walk through the front door) and a massive banner with the word 'CONGRATULATIONS' written on it, next to a picture of two entwined gold rings.

"This is so amazing, thank you so much!" I gasp, giving my mentor a quick hug as she ushers the six of us into the main room, where we're once again bombarded with streamers and handed tall glasses of champagne.

"Speech!" One of the men shouts from the back of the room, making me and Sarah both giggle.

"Umm, thank you all for coming?" I say, making everyone laugh.

"Longer speech!" One of the other man shouts, making me and Sarah almost double over in laughter.

"Umm," Sarah giggles. "Thank you all so much, this is truly amazing... Twelve months ago I never thought I'd be standing here in the home of someone I've admired since I was a teenager- well, okay, a YOUNGER teenager- and I especially never thought I'd be celebrating getting engaged to the woman I love more than anything."

"The last twelve months have been the most amazing of my life too," I say. "Even if you guys did make it REALLY hard work at times!" I pause as I absorb some friendly, good-natured jeering, before continuing. "I am truly lucky to be able to call you my friends, but I am truly blessed to be able to say that Sarah Phillips is my fiancée. Without her, I would have nothing in my life. I'd probably be just a miserable, lonely boy with no direction, but instead, I'm a happy, hard-working WOMAN who's engaged to the girl of my dreams."

"Without Nikki," Sarah says, "I'd probably be stuck on a university course I hated, mingling with people I despised, always fantasising about the life I never had- the life I have right now, the amazing friends I have, and the amazing fiancée I have."

"Was that enough?" I ask, making the crowd cheer before Jamie and Charlotte lead them in giving us both three cheers.

"Seriously," Sarah says to the two hosts, "I can't thank you enough for this, you didn't have to do this for us, I mean, we're basically UNfamous..."

"Oh, whatever," Charlotte snorts. "I don't decide who my friends are based on how many inches they get in the tabloids, I decide my friends based on the type of people they are, and you two are DEFINITELY nicer than some so-called 'celebrities' I've had the misfortune to party with in the past! So are Katie and Lauren, and... I'm really looking forward to getting to know the girl with the turquoise hair and eighteen inch waist!"

"Same here!" I say, making Jamie and Charlotte giggle as the music restarts and the party gets into full swing. In truth, though, I wouldn't have minded where we held the party, or who held it, as long as I had Sarah by my side.

Even if Sarah had rejected my proposal, I'd have been able to live with it- eventually- as long as she remained my partner, and my soulmate. But as it is... I can't remember a time in my life when I've ever been happier. My fiancée, my job, my friends, my womanhood... When I first met Sarah four years ago, I couldn't have imagined, even in my wildest dreams, that my life would be the way it is now. Dad's wrong- I don't need a new obsession, and I won't end up accidentally getting one either. Even if I have to wait five years for my SRS or ten years before Sarah and I tie the know, I'll remain happy as long as I have everything that I have now.

I truly, truly am the luckiest woman alive.

“Don’t see why you’re moaning,” dad laughs as I pass him yet another handful of pink and silver streamers. “You’re the one who insists on hanging out with these celebrities, attending their parties… There’s no ducking out of it now just because it’s your turn to organise one!”

“Give me a break,” I sigh. “I’ve been at work every day this week…”

“Ooh, poor you, having to work for a living,” Beverly laughs, making me sigh. “Thanks for helping out today, Chris.”

“My pleasure,” dad says. “She’s my future daughter-in-law, that makes her family, right?”

“Indeed it does!” Beverly laughs as I pump up a seemingly countless number of pink and silver balloons, taking care not to ruin my carefully-sculpted gold-coloured fingernails on the hand pump. Even though I’m complaining of being tired after a full day of work- and am still wearing my clingy work attire of a tight white blouse, a tight black miniskirt and black stiletto heels- I’m giddy with excitement at the prospect of what’s happening tonight, especially as I pump up two giant balloons- one in the shape of the number ‘1’ and one in the shape of the number ‘9’.

Less than half an hour later, accompanied by mum and Jenny, dad, Beverly and I all cheer as the familiar, tired form of my fiancée walks through the front door and is confronted by the pink and silver landscape the three of us have spent the past hour carefully sculpting.

“Happy birthday!” I say, wrapping my arms around Sarah’s slim waist and giving her a long, deep kiss. “Again!”

“Oh my god!” Sarah squeaks. “You guys…”

“Happy birthday, Sarah!” Dad chuckles, giving Sarah a brief, fatherly hug. “I figured now that you’re a member of the family- well, as good as, anyway- we’d better, you know, ‘go the extra mile’, so…” Sarah gasps as dad hands her a generous-sized pile of presents, all of which are wrapped in the same glittery wrapping paper as the gifts I gave Sarah earlier this morning.

“Thank you so much!” Sarah gushes, giving my mum and dad another hug before eagerly unwrapping the gifts, which include study guides for her university course and fabrics with which Sarah can make more of her amazing clothes. “This is so awesome, really, you didn’t have to do all this…”

“As he said,” mum chuckles, “you’re family now, and that means you get spoiled on your birthday!”

“Thank you,” Sarah giggles, before sitting down next to me on the sofa and giving me a tight hug. “And especially thank YOU!”

“You’re the woman I love,” I say with a smile. “You’re the woman I’m going to marry, that means I’d happily do ANYTHING for you!”

“So,” mum says, interrupting the two of us before we get any more ‘intimate’, “19 years old… Just one year left of teenage life, enjoy it while it lasts! Soon you’ll be up to your ears in bills…”

“Thanks, Sandra!” Sarah laughs. “Always nice to have something to look forward to…”

“Concentrate on the ‘enjoy it’ part rather than the ‘while it lasts’ part,” dad chuckles. “When are you off to your big, fancy celebrity party?”

“Heading out just after 8:30,” I say.

“Well… It’s 4:30 now, that doesn’t give you much time to get ready!” Dad jokes, earning a playful whack with a cushion from me.

“Try and deny it all you want,” Beverly laughs. “I’ve been a nineteen year old girl, I know that four hours usually isn’t enough, especially for you two!”

“Girls will be girls,” dad laughs, giving my shoulder a gentle squeeze as he, mum and Jenny leave the house. “See you two after your big weekend!”

“Bye, dad,” I say.

“Bye, dad-in-law!” Sarah giggles, before resting her head on my shoulder. “Thank you so much for today… And I thought last year was amazing!”

“You deserve ‘amazing’,” I sigh happily. “Good day at uni?”

“Tiring,” Sarah laughs. “It IS a lot harder than I was expecting… But to answer your inevitable next question, yes, I do still love it!”

“Good,” I say with a giggle as I inspect Sarah’s pile of presents. “Think my parents have spent more on you than they did on me last birthday, heh!”

“Your parents are so amazing,” Sarah sighs happily. “God knows your dad’s more of a dad to me than my own…”

“Don’t- don’t be too hard on him,” I say, giving Sarah a quick cuddle. “You don’t know yet what he’s got you…”

“Your father’s always splashed out on you in the past,” Beverly says. “No reason he wouldn’t now…”

“I can think of a reason,” Sarah sighs. “The scaly, fire-breathing creature dad’s currently married to…”

“Diane’s not THAT-“ I say, before wilting under Sarah’s glare. “Umm… We should probably start getting ready at some point…”

“After dinner,” Sarah says, the smile returning to her face. Sure enough, two hours later, I find myself in the familiar position of being stood next to Sarah and stripping down to my bra and thong, before applying layer after layer of thick make-up, including dark eyeshadow, thick eyeliner, huge false eyelashes and dark fuchsia lipstick. As much as I enjoy applying my make-up, it’s made a hundred times better by the fact that Sarah is stood next to me doing the exact same thing, and a million times better by the fact that if I hadn’t had the courage to come out to my parents two and a half years ago, right now my face wouldn’t have any make-up on it at all, and my life would be one long string of misery with or without Sarah. Sure, as a man, it’d take me a tenth of the time to get ready… But for someone with sixteen years to make up for, getting ready for a party can be just as much fun as the party itself!

I prove this to Sarah when pulling on my tights causes me to giggle uncontrollably- though that may be due to the fact that the tights are fishnet, rather than the sheer tights I usually wear to parties. The dress I’m wearing to the party is, unsurprisingly, one of Sarah’s creations- unusually for her, it’s a slinky black number with a thick halter neck, but it has a very cute short flared skirt that swishes around my fishnet-covered legs with every step, especially when paired with the 4” heeled stilettos I’m wearing to the party.

“You are seriously the most beautiful woman in the world,” Sarah says, encircling my narrow waist from behind.

“JOINT most beautiful,” I say, turning around and giving the birthday girl a long, deep kiss. “That one of your dresses?” I giggle as Sarah breaks away from my embrace and does a twirl in her short, extra-tight strapless dress.

“One of Ophelia’s, actually,” Sarah says with a smile. “Hence why my boobs are nearly popping out of it…”

“It definitely gets my seal of approval,” I say with a mischievous giggle. “For exactly that reason!"

“No boobs until we get home,” Sarah says with an equally mischievous grin. “And that includes yours!” I giggle and press my chest into Sarah’s partially-bare back, causing her to sigh happily.

“I mean it,” my fiancée says.

“I’ve still got sixteen years of ‘no boobs’ to make up for,” I say with a mock pout.

“Trust me, you ARE making up for it,” Sarah giggles. “And we’ll MORE than make up for it when we get home. For now, though, we- sorry, I- have a party to get to!” I smile as Sarah’s immaculately-manicured hand grabs mine and leads me down her stairs to our waiting taxi, which soon whisks us away to Charlotte’s house, which is still as elaborately decorated as it was when I left it earlier in the afternoon.

“Happy birthday!” Charlotte and Jamie yell simultaneously, giving Sarah a tight hug as she enters the mansion.

“Oh my god, thank you both so much!” Sarah giggles, before scrunching up her face in confusion as she’s handed a plain white t-shirt. “Umm… what’s this?”

“Tonight’s theme!” Jamie says, handing t-shirts to myself and Charlotte before pulling one on herself over her dress. Sarah and I both giggle when the logo on the front of the t-shirt is revealed- an elaborate purple logo featuring the letters ‘SJP’, underneath which is the slogan ‘Sara Jeni Phi- London’s best sorority, established 27/11/1996’.

“Oh my god, that is so cool!” Sarah laughs as she pulls on her t-shirt, taking care not to get make-up on the collar.

“We didn’t know if you were in an actual sorority,” Charlotte explains, “but Viks says that British universities don’t have them, so we figured we wouldn’t be offending anyone.”

“Other than Viks herself, who hates the whole ‘sorority’ thing!” Jamie giggles.

“So, what do we do in this ‘sorority’?” I ask.

“Drink, drink and be merry!” Charlotte giggles, leading Sarah and I into the main room where the birthday girl is showered with cheers and we’re both handed tall glasses of champagne, which are followed by numerous glasses of wine and spirits that leave the two of us- along with everyone else at the party- feeling very drunk by the time we depart just after 1am.

I don’t remember how we got home or how we got into bed, but the first thing I’m aware of on Saturday morning is waking up in Sarah’s bed, still wearing my party dress and my t-shirt. The second thing I become aware of is what can only be described as sheer agony in my head, my throat and my stomach, which becomes even worse as I turn my head and a wave of nausea sweeps over me. I roll off of Sarah’s bed and hit the floor with an undignified thump and crawl toward her en-suite, barely reaching her toilet in time to loudly vomit into it, before collapsing on her cold tiled floor.

“Out of the way,” Sarah groans as she stumbles into her en-suite, before hunching over the toilet bowl and vomiting even longer and louder than I did. “Ugh… Why, why did we drink so much last night?”

“I swear I am NEVER drinking alcohol again,” I moan as Sarah lays down next to me, still clad in her own dress and t-shirt and her hair still mostly tied into her updo from last night. “The damned vodka had vodka in it…”

“Ugh,” Sarah spits, before rinsing her mouth out with water and crawling back to her bed, where I join her a short while later. “…It WAS a good night, though!”

“I’ll take your word for it,” I sigh. “What time is it?”

“It’s…” Sarah says, looking at her phone. “…Shit.”

“Half past shit or quarter to shit?” I ask, earning a weak, playful shove from Sarah.

“Ugh, we were meant to be up an hour ago,” Sarah sighs. “I told dad I’d be there mid-morning… It already IS mid-morning.”

“I really, really don’t want to get up,” I moan. “And not just because of the alcohol…” Sarah smiles as she gives me a brief, gentle kiss before grimacing.

“No offence, Nikki,” Sarah says, “but you really, really taste like booze…”

“…So do you,” I sigh, before wincing as a knock comes from Sarah’s bedroom door.

“Morning, girls!” Beverly yells, making my fiancée and I groan with pain. “You two decent?”

”We’re clothed,” Sarah replies, prompting Beverly to enter the room and groan at the sight of the two of us.

“No- don’t tell me,” Beverly sighs. “Borderline alcohol poisoning, right?”

“It certainly doesn’t feel ‘borderline’,” Sarah says, yelping with pain as Beverly draws back her curtains.

“Breath,” Beverly says, to which Sarah slowly, gingerly sits up and breaths into the face of her mother, causing the middle-aged woman to recoil in disgust. “Nope, you’re not fit to drive, I can tell just by looking at you that neither of you are. What you both are, however, is deeply irresponsible for drinking so much and sleeping in your expensive clothes!”

“…Sorry, mum,” Sarah meekly mumbles.

“Sorry, Beverly,” I mutter.

“Get up, get showered and dressed,” Beverly orders. “I’ll drive you to Euston, you can get a train to see your father. Hopefully you’ll sober up en route!”

“Yes, mum,” Sarah sighs, waiting for Beverly to leave before peeling off her t-shirt and her dress and heading into the shower. I take the opportunity to shake some of the drunkenness out of my skull before checking my own phone and grimacing at the app that was left open last night.

“Umm… Sarah?” I ask. “Does your mum follow Katie’s Instagram? Or Lauren’s?”

“Don’t think she’s even HEARD of Instagram,” Sarah replies. “Why?” I giggle at the image on my screen, of myself and Sarah sprawled on Charlotte’s floor with our dresses riding up and our thongs in full view of the camera.

“Umm…” I say. “Let’s just say it’s gonna be a fun train ride to Milton Keynes!” After Sarah’s showered, I take her place under the hot, running water, allowing it to cascade over my naked body and wash away the ‘fog’ that built up last night. After applying a very modest layer of make-up, I dress for the day in a plain, long-sleeved black bodysuit, black tights, a loose knee-length skirt with a playful pattern and, after the pain my feet were in when I woke up this morning, a pair of cute dark purple flats. Sarah, of course, looks even more beautiful than normal in her clingy white top, patterned black tights and grey pinafore dress, with her hair, as always, tied back into a cute ponytail.

“Mmm, LOVE that bodysuit,” Sarah says as she gives me a gentle hug. “Have you been taking style tips from Jamie again?”

“After last night I just wanted comfort, comfort, comfort,” I say, adjusting the sleeves of the bodysuit to better support my breasts.

“If you REALLY wanted to be comfortable,” Sarah teases, “you’d have worn jeans…”

“A pair of skinny jeans WOULD go well with this bodysuit,” I giggle. “But this skirt is much, much girlier, and what do we say about ‘girlier’?”

“The girlier, the better!” Sarah giggles, giving me a quick kiss and linking her fingers with mine in the same way we’ve done for the last four years. “Girl love forever!”

“Girl love forever!” I say, giving Sarah another kiss before taking her hand and heading downstairs to where the stern-looking Beverly is waiting for us.

“Feeling better, girls?” Beverly asks, her voice a mixture of concern and disappointment.

“A little,” Sarah shrugs. “I- I’m sorry we got so drunk…”

“It’s okay,” Beverly says. “I didn’t have anything planned today anyway, the house is so empty when you’re not here… Though I guess I’ll eventually have to get used to that, heh. And it’s not like I didn’t have similar ‘incidents’ when I was at uni. And it was the eighties, so alcohol was cheaper back then… Just as long as you actually learn from your mistakes and don’t repeat them!”

“Trust me, we’re steering away from alcohol for a long time!” I say, making Beverly snort with laughter.

“No, no you’re not,” Beverly chuckles. “But that’s okay, you’re not girls any more, you’re young women, you can make your own decisions, no matter how bad they are!”

“Or how GOOD they are,” Sarah says, pressing her left hand- and her engagement ring- against mine. Sarah and I keep our hands linked all the way to Euston station, where we board a packed train to Milton Keynes. En route, we cringe with embarrassment at yet more photos of our ‘disgrace’ last night- more photos of us accidentally displaying our underwear, photos of our faces showing just how drunk we were, including several drunken snogs. The other girls didn’t get away unscathed, though, as proved by a photo of a very drunk Lauren curled up asleep with her head resting in the lap of the barely-awake Katie. The highlight of the evening, however, has to be a video of a drunk Dannii attempting to dance- a dance style that Sarah and I quickly dubbed the ‘baby giraffe’ when we first saw it earlier in the year.

“Did Jacinta and Ophelia stick around long?” I ask my fiancée. “Can’t see many photos of them…”

“You’re asking me?” Sarah giggles. “I’m looking at photos of things I definitely saw last night but I’ll be damned if I can actually remember seeing it… I hope they did stick around, though. The sooner they become a ‘full’ part of the family, the better!” I smile as Sarah rests her head on my shoulder, where it remains all the way to Milton Keynes. One short taxi ride later, and the two of us- and our overnight cases (that we had the good sense to pack before last night’s party)- are stood outside the familiar backdrop of Sarah’s father’s house.

“Remember,” I tell my fiancée. “It’s YOUR birthday, it’s YOU who they’re going to make a fuss over. Even Smaug.”

“Well, miracles do sometimes happen,” Sarah sighs. “Come on, let’s get it over with…” My fiancée forces a smile on her face as we ring the front doorbell and are greeted by the smiling, middle-aged face of Sarah’s father, who immediately gives his daughter a long, tight hug.

“Hey there, birthday girl!” Robert laughs. “Can’t believe I actually have a daughter who’s nineteen years old, thanks for making me feel ancient!”

“It’s your fault I exist, dad,” Sarah laughs as we head into the large house. “You remember Nikki, right?”

“Ah, yes,” Robert says, his smile falling. “Hello, Nikki, good to see you again.”

“Likewise, Mr Phillips,” I reply.

“Sarah!” The familiar voice of Kerrie, Sarah’s nine year old sister, cries. I giggle as the small girl runs up to her big sister and gives her a tight hug, before giving me a quick hug as well. “Hi Nikki!”

“Hi Kezzie!” I giggle, before my smile fades as I see the looming figure of Diane- Sarah’s stepmother- enter the hallway.

“Come here, Kerrie,” Diane orders in a stoic voice. “Hello Sarah, hello Nikki. I hope you had a good birthday yesterday.”

“I did, thank you,” Sarah says, not allowing Diane’s dark mood to affect her. “Where’s Karl?”

“Upstairs, in his room,” Diane replies, leading to an awkward silence.

“Guess I’ll see him later, then!” Sarah says, putting on a brave face to counter her stepmother’s passive-aggressive attitude.

“We’ve got you loads of presents, Sarah!” Kerrie says.

“Cool!” Sarah giggles. “Are… Are we going to see them at any point?”

“It wouldn’t be right, not without Karl,” Diane says, leading to another awkward silence.

“Oh for god’s sake,” Sarah’s father mutters under his breath, just loud enough for me- but not his wife- to hear. “Karl! Your sister’s here!” Mere seconds later, Sarah’s thirteen year old half-brother- who is a lot taller than the last time I met him- walks down the stairs.

“Hi Sarah,” Karl says in a deep, manly voice.

“Hey Karl,” Sarah says, giving the young man a quick, sisterly hug. “Now that everyone’s here…”

“Now that everyone’s here,” Robert says, “there’s a heap of presents in the front room for you to unwrap. And you’ve got three months of university to fill me in on as well!” Sarah giggles as her father leads the family into the front room, where she gasps at the pile of brightly-coloured presents waiting for her on the sofa.

“Oh my god, thank you all so much!” Sarah says, making her father grin happily even though her stepmother remains stoic. Sarah quickly unwraps all her gifts, which include books and materials for making clothes, photos of the family and smaller trinkets, including a small ‘charm’ from Kerrie for Sarah’s charm bracelet.

“This is all so amazing,” Sarah sighs after opening her final gift. “Thanks so, so much for all my gifts…”

“Well, it’s not quite over yet,” Diane says with a smug smile, producing two more small, elegantly-wrapped gifts. Maybe she isn’t such a dragon after all…

“Aww, thanks!” Sarah giggles.

“Oh,” Diane says with a smug grin, “these aren’t for you. Karl, Kerrie…” The young boy and girl look confused their mother hands the presents to them, but soon shrug and tear open the wrapping paper to reveal the small trinkets within.

“I didn’t want them to feel left out,” Diane explains, but it’s obvious that the gifts weren’t given out of altruism, and one glance at the disappointment in Sarah’s eyes tells me that whatever it was that Diane was trying to do to my fiancée, she succeeded. However, the look of pure fury in Robert’s eyes hints that Diane’s ‘gesture’ may have had an unexpected side-effect.

Sure enough, when Sarah and I leave the room a short while later to put our suitcases away, her father immediately follows us with a look of contrition on his face.

“Sarah, I am so, so sorry,” Robert says. “I had no idea she was going to do that…”

“It’s okay,” Sarah shrugs.

“My parents gave my little sister a gift on my last birthday, and she was only two months old!” I lie, before grimacing as Sarah glares at me.

“No they didn’t,” Sarah says. “Don’t stick up for her, Nikki…”

“Let- let’s just try to enjoy this weekend, okay?” Robert sighs as he lifts our cases up the stairs and into the modest spare room.

“Dad…” Sarah whispers. “Is- is everything okay between you and Diane?”

“…Nothing for you to worry about,” Robert says. “Cheer up, it’s your birthday! You only turn nineteen once…”

“And with any luck, we might actually remember some of tonight!” I say, making Sarah giggle.

“Got a bit tipsy last night, then?” Robert asks.

“Got utterly arseholed,” Sarah laughs. “Sorry for making you feel ancient, having a daughter who’s old enough to get arseholed…”

“And old enough to get engaged,” Robert says, making me and Sarah freeze. “Oh come on, I know the two of you have Instagrams, I saw the photos…”

“We- we were going to tell you, honest,” Sarah pleads. “We just wanted to tell you face to face…”

“It’s okay,” Robert says, gently squeezing Sarah’s shoulders. “I mean yes, a phone call would’ve been nice… Do your brother and sister know?”

“Not unless they figured it out from Instagram too,” Sarah giggles. “And I haven’t got either of them on Facebook…”

“We were planning on telling them tonight,” I explain. “At the meal… Make it a kinda double celebration.”

“Figured if we announced it in a public place, Diane couldn’t make a scene…” Sarah says, letting out a nervous giggle.

“She won’t,” Robert says. “I’ll make sure of it. But for now… Congratulations. To both of you. I take it I’ll still be allowed to walk you up the aisle?”

“Of course!” Sarah giggles, sharing another hug with her father before we follow him back down to the living room.

“Hey Sarah,” Kerrie asks before we’ve even had a chance to sit down. “Do you still do ballet?”

“As it happens, yes we do!” Sarah giggles. “Nikki and I may have even brought our leotards and pointe shoes along today…” I giggle as the small girl gasps excitedly, but before Kerrie has the chance to respond, her mother interjects.

“No, no leotards,” Diane says, pointing at me. “Especially not for you.” I bite my tongue- it’s obvious why she doesn’t want me wearing a leotard, even though I never really ‘showed through’ a leotard or a similar type of garment, and certainly don’t now after 2 and a half years on HRT.

“Well, we can still do SOME pointe dancing, maybe tomorrow,” I say as Sarah and I sit down next to the young brown-haired girl.

“Why doesn’t mum want you to wear a leotard, Nikki?” Kerrie asks me, prompting a look of pure fury from Diane.

“It- it just wouldn’t be appropriate, that’s all,” I say, prompting an awkward silence.

“Anyway,” Robert says, “the six of us have a LOT of catching up to do!” Sarah and I force smiles onto our faces, though even as we gossip, Diane’s mere presence in the room makes what should be a relaxing afternoon into a tense, stressful situation as we watch everything we say out of fear of saying anything that might offend her.

Eventually, 5pm rolls around, giving Sarah and I an excuse to leave the living room and head upstairs to change for our meal.

“The ironic thing,” Sarah laughs as she pulls on a pair of thin tights and a multi-layered, knee-length, dark grey dress, “is that I actually DID bring gifts for Karl and Kerrie myself.” I sigh sadly as Sarah pulls two items of clothing out of her suitcase that are clearly not intended for either of us- one a very fancy-looking matte blue shirt in Karl’s size, the other a playful multi-coloured knee-length party dress that’s clearly intended for Kerrie.

“Where did you find the time to make those?” I ask. “Thought you were inundated with uni work?”

“Aww,” Sarah laughs. “How many times do I have to tell you that jealousy doesn’t suit you? I did these over the summer, hopefully Karl isn’t planning on growing any more, heh!”

“I’m just glad I come from a short family so I can still fit into all of your dresses,” I say as I pull on the flared strapless indigo dress- one of Sarah’s creations, naturally- that I’ve brought for tonight’s meal. “A 5’ 8” woman isn’t out of the ordinary, a woman who’s over six feet and has a forty inch chest, on the other hand…”

“You’ll be happy to hear I’m more than pleased with the way your chest turned out!” Sarah giggles, giving me a quick cuddle before zipping me into my dress and tying my hair into a playful updo to match hers. After touching up our make-up, we both slip our feet into designer stilettos and head downstairs to where the rest of Sarah’s family are waiting, all whom are dressed smartly if not quite as chic as Sarah and I.

“Wow!” Kerrie giggles as we head out to the car. “You’re both so beautiful!”

“Aww, thanks Kezzie!” I giggle. “You look cute too!” Kerrie giggles as she plays with her dress, before Diane abruptly takes her hand and all but shoves her onto the back seat of her car, whilst Sarah and I climb onto the back seat of Robert’s car.

“Diane… Really doesn’t like me, does she?” I ask as we set off for the restaurant.

“She’s protective of Karl and Kerrie,” Robert sighs. “Sometimes overprotective… I’m pretty sure both of them would understand if we were to tell them the ‘truth’ about you, Karl certainly would.”

“You’ve corresponded with girls younger than Karl, haven’t you?” Sarah asks me.

“Yep,” I say. “Only thing they ever needed ‘protecting’ from was fundamentalist parents who thought wrongly that they were acting in their best interests…”

“Well- it’s not harming them if they DON’T know,” Robert sighs. “I’m sure you yourself feel that you’ve always been a girl, right?”

“More with every passing day,” I say, making Sarah give my hand a supportive squeeze.

“Then that’s good enough for me,” Robert says, “and it’ll be good enough for Diane and the kids too.”

“Not to mention me,” Sarah says with a smile. A short while later, we arrive at the posh restaurant where we’re ushered to our table and served our very tasty starters. Forty-five minutes later, the six of us are just about full when a generous-sized chocolate cake is wheeled to the table, complete with two candles that are, predictably, in the shape of the numbers ‘1’ and ‘9’.

“Today has been so amazing,” Sarah gushes after blowing out the candles and cutting the cake. “Thank you all so much… There is one more thing, though, something I- well, something Nikki and I have to announce.” I giggle as I rise from my chair and stand next to Sarah.

“Oh no,” Diane says. “It’s getting late, we should probably get home…”

“This won’t take a second,” I say in a voice more forceful than intended.

“Nikki and I,” Sarah says, not giving Diane any further chance to interrupt. “We- we’re getting married!” Sarah and I both giggle as we slip our engagement rings onto our fingers and display them for the rest of the family. Robert, obviously, has a wide grin on his face, as does Karl, and Kerrie is literally bouncing up and down in her seat with excitement. Diane, however, has a look of pure fury on her face.

“Congratulations, you two!” Robert says, giving myself and Sarah a quick hug each.

“Congratulations!” Karl says, giving us both brief, awkward hugs.

“This is so awesome!” Kerrie squeaks as she gives me and Sarah a tight hug each, before being almost literally dragged away by Diane. I take a deep breath as the stern woman approaches the two of us, but I don’t shrink, or back away- there is nothing Diane can do, legal or otherwise, to prevent Sarah and I from getting married. No matter her personal feelings, she surely has to realise that…

“I do not approve of this wedding,” Diane says bluntly. “By allowing two people like- like- you to get married, it just cheapens real marriages like my own.”

“Mum!?” Karl asks, clearly shocked by Diane’s attitude.

“If they let two people of the same gender get married,” Diane says, “where does it end? Will they allow children to get married, or allow men to marry animals, or household appliances?”

“Two words!” Sarah says smugly. “Consenting. Adult. Both Nikki and I are legally adults, we are legally able to consent and therefore can legally get married. Children, animals and household appliances, as I’m sure you know, can’t.”

“You call yourselves adults when you go around getting drunk and falling on people’s floors,” Diane spits, causing the eyes of the other diners to slowly be drawn toward our table. So much for not expecting her to make a scene in public…

“So we got a little drunk last night,” I say. “Neither of us have had more than one glass tonight, have we?”

“How many glasses had you had when you tried to drown your friend in a swimming pool in Spain?” Diane asks. I have to bite my lip as Karl sniggers under his breath- he’s clearly seen the viral video of Dannii’s dunking, and I’m willing to bet he watched it more than once.

“She could swim,” Sarah shrugs, making Karl laugh even louder.

“And I don’t see what you’re laughing at, young man!” Diane says, causing her son to flinch.

“Well, um,” Karl stammers. “I don’t see what difference it makes if they want to get married, they clearly love each other, right? And if you’re worried because it’s a same-sex marriage, well, Nikki was born as a boy, wasn’t she?” My eyes go wide and my entire torso feels like it’s being squeezed in a vice as Karl ‘outs’ me to the entire restaurant. Okay, it’s not like I go out of my way to hide my ‘status’, but this is the last way I wanted Sarah’s family to find out…

“What?” Kerrie asks, making me grimace. “Nikki, did you used to be a boy?”

“Don’t be silly Kerrie, Karl,” Diane says, snarling at her teenaged son. “People can’t suddenly decide to wake up one day and decide they want to ‘be’ a boy or a girl, Nikki’s always been a girl, isn’t that right, Nikki?” I flinch as Diane stares at me with fury in her eyes, and a quick look around at the rest of the restaurant confirms that virtually everyone is now staring at me, waiting for my response.

“Yes,” I say, frowning as Diane stands back with a look of smug victory on her face. “I have always been a girl… On the inside. But my body- that used to be a boy’s body. Two years ago, I started taking hormones- special pills that are helping to transform my body and my blood into that of a girl, so I can live the way I feel is right.”

“Why couldn’t you just live as a boy?” Kerrie asks.

“Because it hurt me to be a boy,” I reply. “If you were forced to live as a boy, you wouldn’t like it, would you?” I smile as the 9 year old girl shakes her head. “Well neither did I, so I spoke to a doctor who gave me my hormones, and with the support of my family, my friends, and especially your sister, I’ve been able to live my life the way I want, so that it doesn’t hurt anymore. It doesn’t make me any less of a girl, it just means it’s taken me a bit longer to catch up to who I really am on the inside.” I let out a small giggle as, one by one, everyone in the restaurant applauds my speech- everyone apart from the middle-aged woman still stood in front of me with a look of absolute anger on her face.

“We’re leaving,” Diane says. “Robert! Karl! Kerrie! Get your coats! And you two are NOT welcome in our house tonight!”

“Wait a minute,” Robert says, “we can’t simply kick them out on the streets, can we?”

“The streets are where people like them belong!” Diane snaps, before shuddering as she is showered with boos. “Fine! You can stay the night, but I want you gone before I get up tomorrow!” Sarah and I watch in horror as Diane literally drags Karl and Kerrie out of the restaurant, leaving Sarah, Robert and I stood in a state of near-shock.

“Ex-excuse me?” One of the waitresses, a young woman not much older than Sarah and I, asks. “I- I couldn’t help but overhear, sorry…”

“It really wasn’t your fault,” Robert sighs. “Sorry we caused such a disruption…”

“Oh no, that’s not it,” the waitress says. “It’s just- what you said was just amazing. Our manager has a nephew- well, a niece now- who just came out, and she wanted to let you know that she’s covered the bill for your meal. AND has offered a discount if you want to have your rehearsal dinner here as well!”

“Oh my god, thank you so much!” Sarah laughs. “We- we actually live in London, but we’ll definitely remember your offer!”

“I’ll- I’ll happily talk to her niece if she wants,” I say. “Is she- the niece, I mean- a fan of the Angels?”

“She might be,” the waitress says as I write down my email address for her. “I’ll let my manager know. Thanks again, and congratulations!” Sarah and I both wave nervously as the waitresses scurries away.

“Let’s get you two back home,” Robert sighs, leading us out of the restaurant.

“Dad, I- I’m sorry,” Sarah mumbles as we get into the car.

“No, no don’t be,” Robert sighs. “This was meant to be your day, your night… Yes, you’re not Diane’s child, but you are mine, and that means I have responsibilities toward you. I’d have hoped that she’d have realised that at some point over the last fifteen years…”

“God knows if Diane had had kids before you married her, you’d have been a better stepfather than she is a stepmother,” Sarah moans. “I wonder how much of it is just homo or transphobia and how much of it is her resenting me…”

“No- no,” I say, squeezing Sarah’s hand. “No one could possibly resent you, she’s just a bigoted woman- uh, no offence, Robert…”

“Let- let’s just get back home,” Robert sighs. Sarah and I smile as we arrive back at the house, where a stern glare from Diane results in us heading to our room, where we stay for the rest of the evening, catching up on our social media pages.

“She’s probably gonna charge us for using her Wi-Fi,” I sigh as I lazily fiddle with my iPad.

“In fairness, we did kinda spring it on her,” Sarah mumbles.

“Now who’s sticking up for her?” I laugh. “You heard her, she saw our Instagram photos, that Dannii video, she had to have known about the engagement ahead of time, just like your dad…” Before Sarah can respond, we’re interrupted by a knock on the bedroom door.

“Who is it?” Sarah asks.

“Karl,” comes the deep voice from the other side of the door.

“Come in,” Sarah says, smiling as her younger brother nervously steps into the room.

“Oh, sit down,” I laugh. “We won’t bite. Though I will ask… How did you know about me? I mean, about ‘me’?”

“I subscribe to you on YouTube,” Karl says. “I thought I saw Sarah in one of your videos, so I watched it, and… Yeah.”

“Always nice to meet a fan,” I laugh.

“Stop staring, Karl, it isn’t polite,” Sarah teases. “What did you want?”

“Mum’s gone mental,” Karl sighs. “She and dad are arguing again…”

“…Sorry,” I mumble.

“S’okay,” Karl says. “I just- I just wanted to go somewhere quiet…”

“You just wanted to hang out with your big sister and her fiancée?” Sarah asks.

“Something like that,” Karl shrugs, making myself and Sarah giggle. “And I wanted to say ‘bye’ before you went in case I don’t see you tomorrow. And cadge an invite to the wedding…”

“Now THAT we can happily do!” Sarah laughs. “In fact… Give that the wedding will have two brides, there won’t be many roles available for boys. Just ‘fathers of the brides’ and ‘page boy’… Feel up for the task?”

“Page boy?” Karl asks. “Aren’t they, like, four?”

“Page MAN then,” I say. “We’ll get you a proper tux and everything… In fact, given that we’re not even supposed to be so much as talking about the wedding for another ten months-“

“Sorry!” Sarah giggles.

“-By the time we DO get married,” I continue, “you’ll be at least sixteen, and there’ll be plenty of good looking women there who’ll be very interested in a young man in a tuxedo…”

“I’ll think about it,” Karl mumbles.

“Nikki, stop making my brother blush!” Sarah says.

“Sorry!” I giggle.

“Where’s- where’s Kerrie?” Sarah asks, her mood suddenly becoming more sombre.

“In bed,” Karl sighs. “I’m meant to be in bed to, should probably go before I get another bollocking…”

“We should get some sleep too,” Sarah says. “Especially if we have to get out of here early…”

“Night, Sarah,” Karl says as he leaves the room. “Night, Nikki. Can’t wait to watch your vlog about THIS one…”

“Ugh, you may be waiting a while,” I sigh. “Night, Karl.”

“We probably should get into bed,” Sarah sighs, putting away her iPad. “I know, normally I’d say that with a slightly happier voice…”

“I know,” I say, giving Sarah a tight cuddle. It doesn’t take us long to change into our modest nightdresses and climb into bed, where we both fall into a deep sleep.

“Do you, Nicola Christine Thomas,” the minister asks expectantly, “take this woman, Sarah Jennifer Phillips, to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do,” I whisper.

“And do you, Sarah Jennifer Phillips,” the minister asks, before being interrupted by a voice from the back of the church.

“People like them belong on the streets!” Diane screeches, sprinting up the aisle toward Sarah and myself as the entire world fades from view…

“Aah!” I gasp as I wake up, my nightdress having twisted around my body as I sleep. A quick glance at my phone reveals the time to be 4:45am- too early to get up, even with our enforced early start, so I wrap my arms around Sarah’s waist again and sigh as I try to get back to sleep, where I hopefully won’t have any further run-ins with the woman Sarah understandably refers to as ‘the dragon’.

Sarah’s phone’s alarm goes off at 6:30am, forcing us both out of our bed and into the bathroom to get washed, dressed and made-up for the day (neither of us showering for fear of waking the sleeping ‘dragon’). Rather than the elaborate outfits we wore last night, today Sarah and I have both opted for more conservative clothing, Sarah going for a plain knee-length black skirt and a grey top, with me going for a youthful short tartan skirt and a clingy black top. Both of us are, of course, also wearing black tights and ankle booties with a moderate heel.

“Morning, girls,” Robert says as he meets us at the bottom of the stairs.

"Hi, dad," Sarah sighs. "Diane still in bed?"

"Yeah, so are Karl and Kerrie," Robert sighs. "I'll take you past a drive-through so you can get some breakfast on the way home..."

"Again, I am so sorry things worked out like this," Sarah sighs.

"And again, you shouldn't be," Robert says. "One of these days I'll come to visit you in London, I've been meaning to show Karl and Kerrie around for ages..."

"I'd like that," Sarah says, before we're interrupted by the sound of someone slowly walking down the stairs.

"...Sarah?" The tiny voice of Sarah's sister asks. "Are you going?"

"I'm afraid so," Sarah says.

"But you only just got here," Kerrie moans. "Were you going to leave without saying goodbye?"

"Uh- we'd have called once we were on the train," Sarah says, making Kerrie frown.

"You're lying," Kerrie says. "You're only going because mum's mad at you..."

"We don't want there to be any more fighting," I say.

"But we'll be back as soon as possible," Sarah says, giving her little sister a brief cuddle. "We promise. BOTH of us."

"...And will you promise to do some dancing, too?" Kerrie asks.

"Uh, absolutely!" Sarah giggles.

"And will you let me know when it's your wedding?" Kerrie asks.

"I'd better," Sarah says with a warm smile, "seeing how I want you to be one of my bridesmaids!" I giggle as Kerrie's jaw drops and she literally bounces up and down with excitement.

"A bridesmaid?" Kerrie squeaks.

"Who better?" Sarah asks.

"Thank you so much!" Kerrie laughs, hugging her sister tightly, before the happy moment is interrupted by a confused voice from the top of the stairs.

"What's going on down there?" Diane asks- not out of anger, but out of confusion. "Why haven't you left yet?"

"We were just heading out," Robert says. "Come on, girls..."

"I'll see you soon, Sarah!" Kerrie laughs. "And thank you for letting me be a bridesmaid!" Sarah and I both wince as we await Diane's inevitable explosive reaction.

"A what!?" Diane asks, anger creeping back into her voice. "A bridesmaid!?"

"Sarah wants me to be one of her bridesmaids when she marries Nikki," Kerrie says to her mother, who snorts and rolls her eyes.

"They're NOT getting married," Diane says. "At least, it won't be a REAL wedding, so you won't be a REAL bridesmaid, no matter what they tell you!"

"Diane," Robert says quietly, "just let her have this one, please-"

"No, Robert," Diane says in a snappy, condescending voice. "I'm not having THEM fill our children's head with nonsense like this!"

"Why are you so opposed to Nikki and Sarah getting married?" Robert asks. "You've never been homophobic before..."

"THEY can do whatever they want in their lives," Diane says, waving a dismissive hand at myself and my fiancée. "But I want have them muddling up our children's minds!"

"My mind isn't muddled," Kerrie says in a small, meek voice.

"Don't be stupid, of course it is!" Diane snaps, before her face falls as Kerrie starts to slowly cry. "Oh, Kerrie, I'm so sorry... Look what you've done!" Sarah and I both do a double-take as Diane's fury is directed towards us.

"Me!?" Sarah asks. "What the- what did I do!?"

"You made my daughter cry, that's what you did!" Diane spits.

"No she didn't!" I retort. "Maybe you could try asking Kerrie if she wants to be one of Sarah's bridesmaids rather than stomping all over her dreams like some middle-aged Godzilla!" I wince the second the words leave my mouth as Diane's face starts to turn purple with rage- but boy, were those words fun to say...

"HOW DARE YOU!" Diane shrieks, causing Kerrie to cry even harder and wriggle in her arms. "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE! NOW!!!"

"Come on," Robert says quietly, ushering myself and Sarah out of the house.

"Oh, that's right," Diane snorts. "You take the opposite side, as always!"

"Wh-what?" Robert asks.

"A real man would've stuck up for his wife," Diane snarls, "not given the PERSON who insulted her a lift to the station!"

"W-we can always get a taxi," I whisper.

"No," Diane snarls. "You know what? You go, the three of you! Kerrie, go upstairs and get your suitcase. We're staying with your nan and granddad for a while."

"D-Diane?" Robert whispers, the shock evident in his voice.

"You want to fuss over your OTHER daughter? Fine!" Diane snaps. "Just don't expect to see either of your REAL children in this house ever again! Karl! Wake up! Pack a suitcase!" My jaw drops and I find myself gripping Sarah's hand for comfort as Diane drags the still-crying Kerrie back upstairs with her as she storms into the bedroom of my future brother-in-law.

"Wa-wait! Diane, wait!" Robert pleads as he runs after his wife, leaving Sarah and I stood alone in the house's entrance hall.

"So, um," I mumble. "Should we-"

"Go up there?" Sarah asks. "Yes."

"Wh-what?" I ask. "When they're in the middle of a massive-"

"Dad's done nothing but stick up for me this whole weekend," Sarah says. "I should probably return the favour, right?" I silently nod as Sarah and I climb up the stairs to find the whole family in Karl's bedroom, where Diane is packing the young man's suitcase as Karl himself looks on in confusion.

"Diane," Robert pleads. "Please, you're the woman I love, you're the woman I married, for god's sake! You and the kids mean everything to me!"

"And how many of your children mean everything to you?" Diane asks. "Two or three?"

"Well, three, of course!" Robert says. "I don't expect you to share my responsibility for Sarah, but I'm still-"

"But you still bring her into our house anyway!" Diane snarls. "You need to decide which of your children mean more to you, because the only way you'll ever see Karl or Kerrie again is if you promise, right here, right now, that you'll never see that- that little witch again!" I snarl as Diane insults the woman I love, but before I can retort, the argument is interrupted from the most unlikely of sources.

"Mum!" Karl snaps, momentarily stunning Diane. "That's my sister you're talking about!"

"HALF-sister!" Diane growls.

"That's still enough for me!" Karl says. "You- you must've known that dad had his responsibilities when you married him, and if I married a woman and had a child, but then got divorced and married another woman and had another child, and I then neglected that first child, you'd go mental at me!"

"That's different," Diane mutters, her will obviously fading. "Now keep packing!"

"NO!" Karl yells. "I- if you want to leave, fine... But I'm staying with dad."

"You're what!?" Diane asks with pure rage in her voice.

"If you're going to make me choose... I'm choosing him," Karl says, his voice wobbling with the emotion of his decision.

"Son," Robert says quietly.

"Why do you all have to fight all the time?" Kerrie wails through a flood of tears. "Why can't you all just get along?"

"Oh, Kerrie..." Diane sobs, reaching to hug her daughter only to watch in horror as the 9 year old girl recoils from her.

"I want to stay with dad too," Kerrie blubs. "He never shouts... And that way Sarah can come and stay more often!"

"I- I wouldn't be able to stay as often as you think," Sarah says. "I'm very busy with university..."

"But would you stay more often if it was just dad here and not mum too?" Kerrie asks, and my eyes start to fill with tears as I realise the terrible situation Sarah finds herself in. I know- and fully agree with- just how much Sarah abhors her stepmother and dreads these visits, but if Sarah were to tell the truth, it could irreparably damage the relationship between Kerrie and her mother- and that's something Sarah would never be able to forgive herself over.

"No," Sarah says after a long pause. "It doesn't make any difference whether your mother's here or not." For the first time this weekend, Diane's face changes from a look of barely-concealed contempt to one of actual gratitude toward her stepdaughter.

"Diane," Robert whispers. "Please, please can we talk about this?"

"...Fine," Diane says. "Kids, get washed and dressed. And unpack your suitcases."

"We'll get going," I say quietly. "We'll, um, we'll get a taxi..." I laugh as Kerrie gives big hugs to both myself and Sarah, before Robert leads us downstairs.

"Robert, I am so, so sorry," I say. "I should've kept my mouth shut, I should've-"

"What's done is done," Robert says. "We managed to avoid a meltdown... Though it'd probably be best if you kept your distance for a while... Both of you." I grimace as Sarah sheds a solitary tear as she gives her father a farewell hug, before we don our coats and head out to wait for our taxi, which arrives a mere five minutes later.

The entire wait, along with the entire taxi ride to the station, is conducted in deathly silence, though as we arrive at the modern concourse of Milton Keynes station, I'm unable to hold my tongue any longer.

"Sarah, I'm sorry, I-" I plead, only to be silenced as Sarah presses her lips firmly against mine.

"You only said what I've been thinking for the last fifteen years!" Sarah laughs. "'Middle-aged Godzilla'... Gonna have to remember that one!"

"Heh," I laugh. "But it's like, every time we visit I somehow stick my foot in my mouth..."

"But they are very pretty feet," Sarah says. "And a very, very sexy mouth! And you heard dad, disaster was averted..."

"But you also heard him say to keep our distance," I say. "I know how much you wanted to visit over the Christmas holidays..."

"There'll be other holidays," Sarah shrugs, forcing a smile on her face even though I can tell from her eyes just how upset she is. "We get, like, three months over summer... Now come, let's just get home, I've got a lot of work to do ahead of tomorrow..." I smile as I follow Sarah into the first train back to London, and subsequently onto the tube back to Sarah's house, where my fiancée dramatically collapses onto her sofa with a long, drawn-out sigh.

"Welcome back, girls!" Beverly says with a smile. "Was the trip THAT bad?"

"Worse," Sarah sighs. "Dad and the dragon had a massive fight..."

"Ahh, that's terrible," Beverly says, sitting down next to Sarah and giving her a quick hug. "At least you're back home now, no fighting allowed in this house!"

"Yeah," Sarah says. "I should call dad, just to make sure everything's alright..." I sigh as Sarah heads into the kitchen to make her call, before taking her place next to Beverly on the sofa.

"...The fight was all my fault," I sigh, prompting Beverly to give ME a quick hug.

"You can't blame yourself," Beverly says. "Robert and Diane are adults, they can make their own decisions and they're more than capable of deciding not to fight if they don't want to."

"Yeah, I know, but still..." I sigh.

"Was- was the fight because of your, um, 'status'?" Beverly asks.

"...I don't know," I moan. "Partly. Maybe. I know Diane was angry because we sprang the engagement on her, and I got outed in public too..."

"Ahh," Beverly grimaces. "I know just how stressful that can be... Are you sure YOU'RE okay?"

"Heh," I laugh. "You know, you're the first person to ask that since the 'outing'..."

"Didn't Sarah check how you were?" Beverly asks.

"No," I say, before shaking my head. "But she had enough on her mind without having to worry about me as well."

"Heh, you two really are soul mates," Beverly giggles as Sarah returns from the kitchen.

"So... Gossiping about me?" Sarah asks, smiling as her mother and I both share a chuckle.

"How's your dad?" I ask.

"He's fine," Sarah says. "They're all fine. Fine now that I'm not there, anyway..." I sigh sadly and give Sarah a long, tight hug as she has a gentle cry onto my shoulder.

"Your dad loves you," I say.

"I know," Sarah sighs, drying her eyes. "I- I should do some coursework..." I sigh as Sarah heads upstairs to fetch her laptop.

"She'll get over it," Beverly whispers. "You know Sarah..."

"It's her birthday," I sigh. "Meant to be the happiest day of the year..."

"Trust me," Beverly says with a sad smile. "I know my daughter... This time next week she'll have her old smile on her face."

"Yeah," I sigh. "I just wish she had that smile on her face now..." I force a smile onto my own face as Sarah returns with her laptop and begins eagerly beavering away at her coursework as I catch up with my correspondence on my iPad, the two of us only stopping to eat before we both head to bed together just after 10pm.

"Nikki..." Sarah sighs as she snuggles up next to me. "...I'm sorry, I should've asked how you were feeling, I mean, last night in the restaurant, being outed like that, and all..."

"I'm fine," I say, giving Sarah a long kiss on her forehead.

"As always," Sarah giggles. "Feel kinda guilty, I mean, I should've asked earlier but I've been so obsessed over my own problems..."

"As you should be!" I say. "That must have been so difficult for you, there's no need to worry about how I am." I smile as Sarah stares deep into my eyes with a look of pure happiness.

"I love you so, so much," Sarah says, giving me one long, gentle kiss before turning out the light.

"I love you too," I whisper, before slowly drifting off to sleep.

When Sarah's alarm wakes me the following morning, I'm unsurprised to find Sarah sat in front of her dresser applying her make-up, having already showered and dried her long brown hair.

"Morning, fiancée!" Sarah giggles. "Go on, get in the shower, don't want to keep Jamie waiting today!"

"Yeah," I say as I jump under the hot water. "You feeling any better today?"

"It's a new week," Sarah says. "Chance to put things behind me, move on... Well, immerse myself in my work, anyway!" I force out a giggle as I shave a couple of errant hairs off of my otherwise baby-smooth legs, before stepping out of the shower with towels wrapped around my hair and my torso.

"You know," Sarah says, "Sometimes I wonder what it must be like for you, relishing every day you're able to wear a skirt to work like it was some form of rare treat..."

"Uh, hello?" I giggle as I apply my make-up. "Gender recognition certificate? In the eyes of the law, I'm just as much a woman as you are!"

"I know, I know," Sarah laughs. "But- but you get what I mean, right?"

"Definitely," I say, gently pulling on my bra and smiling as I feel it support my modest breasts, before pulling on a tight thong and smiling as I roll a pair of dark, clingy tights up my smooth, shiny legs. "You know, if it wasn't for you, I almost certainly wouldn't be dressing like this today..."

"And not just because my teenage obsession with the Angels ultimately got you this job, right?" Sarah asks, making me giggle.

"Not just that, no," I laugh. "You've done so, so much for me..."

"Because I LOVE you," Sarah says, kissing me as I pull on my tight black skirt and my heels, ready for the day ahead. I hold on tight to Sarah's hand as we descend the stairs and say goodbye to Beverly, before getting into my car and heading straight to Sarah's university.

"Have fun at work," Sarah says, giving me a kiss as she gets out of the car. "Give my love to Jamie and any of the other girls you might run into today!"

"Will do," I say with a smile, dreamily watching Sarah in her tight black shorts, translucent tights and knee-high boots as she walks away. Sarah truly has done so much for me... If only there was a way I could return the favour and patch things up between her and her 'other family'...

I mull over my dilemma has I head to my next rendezvous, but everything I think of just seems inadequate. Diane inevitably loathes me as much as she hates Sarah, so any attempt to get her to see reason will be immediately rejected, and if I speak to Robert, Karl or Kerrie behind her back, it'll only add fuel to the fire of her anger.

"Hey, Nikki!" Jamie giggles, elegantly smoothing her dress beneath her as she sits down in the passenger seat of my car. "GREAT party on Friday, even if I am still a teeny bit hungover! Did you enjoy your weekend?"

"No," I sigh. "Weekend was an even bigger headache than the hangover I had on Saturday, heh."

"Aw, really?" Jamie asks. "I know you've talked about Sarah's 'wicked stepmother' in the past..."

"...Yeah," I say. "And this weekend, our announcement of our engagement damn near split her from her husband, Sarah's dad."

"Would that necessarily have been a bad thing?" Jamie asks.

"Long term... Probably not," I concede. "But short-term, given that Sarah and I would've been partially to blame, and because they have young children..."

"Ah, point taken, sorry," Jamie grimaces.

"And after everything I've done for Sarah," I say, "I kinda want to make it up for her. I mean, it WAS her birthday meal that got 'dramatised', and she's done so much for me in the past..."

"I know how you feel," Jamie sighs. "Like, when I started transitioning, Charlotte did so much for me in addition to juggling her career, I'm just glad I can be there for her now when she needs me the most..."

"How is her son, anyway?" I ask.

"Growing every minute!" Jamie laughs. "He's got a dad who's well over six feet tall, you can tell when he's older he's going to be beating the girls away with a stick..."

"Assuming, of course, that he wouldn't prefer to be on our side of the 'great divide'," I say, making Jamie giggle happily. "Speaking of, I got some news yesterday that might interest you, you remember that girl you, me and Steph went to see last spring, that Laura girl?"

"Yeah, I remember her," Jamie replies.

"Started oestrogen pills last week," I say with audible pride. "Beat her eating disorder, now she's fully on the path to being a 'real' girl."

"Good for her!" Jamie giggles. "Oh, speaking of Steph, have you spoken to her much lately?"

"Umm, not really," I say. "Hardly get the chance, they're usually so busy with promotional stuff, and of course, they have their own PAs... Why, exactly?"

"Uhh, nothing important," Jamie says as we arrive at the magazine offices where the famous transwoman will be photographed and interviewed today. After ensuring that her dressing room was suitable- which it of course was- I sit back and watch as Jamie transforms herself into the glamorous celebrity the country sees her as, even if I do see cracks of the kind, friendly mentor shining through. With the obvious exception of Sarah, and anyone who is 'obliged' to help either personally (like my family) or professionally (like Dr Williamson), Jamie has done the most to support me in my transition... Which makes it all the more awkward as she's changing back into her dress at the end of the photoshoot, tired after a long day's work.

"Can't wait to get home," Jamie sighs as she stretches her tired muscles, before climbing back onto the passenger seat of my car. "I left Stu in the quote-unquote tender care of the boys, god only knows what they got up to today..."

"I can say with a very smug voice that I don't WANT to know what boys get up to on a daily basis!" I say, making Jamie giggle happily. "Girl life forever!"

"'Girl life'!" Jamie cheers. "May have to steal that as a slogan..."

"Dibs on royalties!" I say, making Jamie giggle again. "...I kinda need to pick your brains, if that's okay..."

"About this Sarah thing?" Jamie asks, sighing as I nod. "I'm guessing this 'wicked stepmother' isn't particularly fond of you either?"

"Understatement of the year," I sigh.

"If you're going to approach her, you need to do so carefully then," Jamie says. "What exactly is her main problem with you and Sarah? Is it the lesbian thing, the trans thing?"

"I think it's just a combination of everything," I say. "I don't know..."

"If you don't know," Jamie says, "then maybe you shouldn't interfere, just in case you do more harm than good?"

"But I have to do SOMETHING," I moan. "It's killing me seeing Sarah upset..."

"Sometimes..." Jamie muses. "Merely trying is enough, regardless of whether or not you succeed."

"...Thanks," I say, before dropping Jamie at home and heading back to my house for the first time in what feels like ages.

"Bloody hell," dad laughs as I walk through the door. "Almost forgot for a second that I had two daughters!"

"Utterly hilarious," I sigh. "Where are mum and Jenny?"

"At a playgroup," dad says. "Trying to see if Jenny can pick up a few more words so she doesn't constantly shout 'mama' all day long..."

"Aww, she's so cute when she does that though," I giggle.

"It gets less cute with every hundred times she says it," dad laughs. "How was the weekend?"

"Utter disaster!" I say with fake cheerfulness, making dad sigh. "Sarah's dad and her stepmother nearly split up right then and there..."

"God above," dad mutters. "Hope you're not blaming yourself for that?"

"...I certainly didn't help," I say. "And now I want to make things better, I hate seeing Sarah miserable."

"There's not really much you can do," dad says. "God knows you don't want to end up on Jeremy Kyle again, and I'm guessing the 'wicked stepmother' feels the same way?"

"Yeah," I say. "But that's just proof that relationships CAN be repaired. For a while I thought I'd never be able to speak to granddad again, now we see him every month, he's coming over to ours for Christmas..."

"We mended fences with granddad by sitting down and talking," dad says. "If you're going to do that with Sarah's stepmother... Good luck."

"I just can't do nothing," I sigh.

"Sometimes life only throws you bad choices," dad says. "It's up to you to pick the least bad one. But look at it this way- you're healthy, you have an amazing partner who you're engaged to, you have a great job and loads of friends. And, last but not least, you're able to live your life as the girl you want to be. That's a hell of a lot of big 'wins', so you can afford the odd 'defeat' now and again."

"Doesn't mean I have to like it, though," I sigh as I slip off my heels, grab my iPad and immerse myself in my social media pages until mum, Jenny and Sarah return shortly afterward.

"Hey, beautiful!" I giggle, greeting Sarah with a kiss as she steps through the door. "How was uni?"

"Exhausting!" Sarah laughs. "Really looking forward to a quiet night in, just us and the TV..."

"How are you feeling, Sarah?" Mum asks. "I heard you have a bit of a long weekend..."

"Ugh..." Sarah spits, causing my heart to wrench. "I just- I just want to put it behind me, if that's okay?"

"Of course," mum says. "But you know, we're always here to talk, and to listen, if ever you need us."

"Heh," Sarah smiles. "Thank god I struck it lucky with my in-laws, at least!"

"FUTURE in-laws," dad jokes, bringing the beautiful smile back to Sarah's face, though by the time we get into bed later in the evening, her smile has significantly faded.

"Am I going to be needed to model any sexy skirts or dresses at any point in the future?" I ask as I pull on my light, slinky nightdress. "Or even- no, or especially one of Ophelia's amazing corsets?"

"We've done most of the practical stuff already for the assignment," Sarah says. "It's really just write-ups that we need to do now..."

"Can I model them anyway?" I ask with a cheeky grin on my face. "I was thinking about what you said this morning about how wearing skirts and dresses used to be a 'rare treat' for me... I've got sixteen years of trousers to catch up on, and I want to wear every single item of female clothing that I can!"

"Even, say, a skin-tight latex catsuit that leaves absolutely nothing to the imagination?" Sarah asks.

"You make it, I'll wear it," I reply, surprising Sarah with a kiss. "Though if it leaves NOTHING to the imagination, I may wait until after my operation..."

"God," Sarah sighs. "Can't believe that twelve months from now, you'll actually have a vagina... Dunno why it's making ME nervous, heh. I already know that no matter what you have between your legs, I'll love you all the same." I smile as Sarah returns my kiss, before turning out the light and rolling onto her side. "'Night, Nikki."

"'Night, Sarah," I say, sighing as I wrap an arm around the waist of the woman I love, who is still clearly upset despite my attempts to cheer her up. When I wake up the following morning, Sarah is, for the second day in a row, already awake and all but dressed and ready to head out. As I have a free day today, I simply roll onto my side and watch as Sarah applies her make-up and straightens her tights, before laughing as she notices me watching her.

"Morning, beautiful!" Sarah giggles.

"Morning, gorgeous," I say. "Need a hand straightening your tights?"

"No, but you're more than welcome to help me take them off tonight!" Sarah smiles, leaning in to give me a kiss. "As long as I get to return the favour, of course?"

"Nah," I laugh. "Day off today, I was thinking I'd just lounge around the house in a comfy pair of baggy jeans..."

"You- oh, piss off," Sarah laughs, making me giggle. "Miss 'I want to wear every single item of female clothing that I can'!"

"They make baggy jeans for girls," I shrug. "With my hips, my waist and my tits, I doubt any boy's clothes would even fit me anymore... Which, yes, is a boast!"

"When I see your legs tonight," Sarah says as she grabs her handbag," they'd better be encased in something skin-tight, shiny and dark!"

"...Or?" I ask.

"'Or' I will turf out every single pair of tights you own and put them on myself!" Sarah laughs. "At the same time!"

"Seems almost worth it," I giggle. "Are- are you feeling better today?"

"...Yeah," Sarah says with a smile. "Yesterday was a new week, today's a whole new MONTH. Get to Christmas, and I'll have finished my first semester. One down, five to go!"

"Knock 'em dead," I say, giving Sarah one last kiss as she heads out of the house. I get up myself an hour and a half later and shower, before applying my make-up and, as per instructions, dressing for the day in a pair of dark, shiny tights, a black denim miniskirt and a warm purple sweater.

"Morning!" Dad says as I slump into my sofa and tuck my dark legs underneath me. "Got anything planned for today?"

"Not a thing," I sigh. "Was looking forward to the day off, especially after the weekend, but... Ugh."

"Still hung up over what happened?" Dad asks. "Stop blaming yourself. Some people just can't be reached, no matter how hard you try."

"...But sometimes," I say, remembering Jamie's advice from yesterday, "merely trying is enough, regardless of whether or not I succeed, right?"

"Well, sometimes, yes," dad says. "But even with the best of intentions, you could make things worse."

"But if I show that I'm willing to at least try," I say, "that will show that I'm sincere about wanting to make things better, right?"

"Well, I mean, maybe, I guess," dad says. "But what exactly are you going to do?"

"Sit down and talk," I say, rising from my sofa and heading upstairs.

"I'm pretty sure she wouldn't answer the phone for you, from what I've heard," dad says.

"True," I say. "But she can't ignore me if I show up there in person." I smile as I wave my car keys in front of dad's face, which immediately starts to turn pale.

"You're not driving there, not while you're so distracted," dad says. "I'll drive you to Euston and you can get a train. Help me with Jenny's car seat, will you?"

"You're not going to try to talk me out of this?" I ask as I place my infant sister into her sturdy car seat.

"When have I ever succeeded?" Dad asks, making me laugh. "And besides, every decision you've made so far has made me proud. I don't see why this one should be any different." I smile as the three of us head out to the car, and within minutes, I'm once again on a train to Milton Keynes for another showdown with 'the dragon'.

All throughout the train ride and the subsequent taxi ride to Diane's house, I rack my brains trying to think of what to say to the woman I insulted. I have an entire dictionary full of things I want to say, but will inevitably make things worse, and another dictionary full of things I know I need to say but doubt I'll be able to. As I knock on Diane's front door and come face to face with the angry woman, I know there's only one thing I can say that will suffice.

"I'm sorry," I say, interrupting Diane before she can shout or slam the door in my face. "I'm sorry for what I said on Sunday, for the way I behaved... I'm sorry."

"You came all this way just to say that?" Diane asks, her anger rapidly dissipating.

"If I'd called you on the phone, would you have answered it?" I ask in return.

"...Probably not," Diane sighs, leading to an awkward silence that she herself breaks. "Come- come on in out of the cold... You want a cup of tea?"

"Thank you, and please," I say, following Diane into the kitchen. "I felt really bad about what happened on Sunday, but you should know that Sarah feels even worse." I grimace as Diane pauses- the last thing I need to do is say something that would make matters even worse.

"She shouldn't," Diane says. "Robert and I, we've been arguing for a while now... Sunday was just the latest in a long line."

"If you don't mind me asking," I say cautiously, "Why do you hate me and Sarah so much?"

"I don't 'hate' you, or Sarah," Diane sighs. "It's- it's just a constant reminder that- god, I don't know."

"It's because I'm, umm..." I stammer.

"I don't 'hate' you because of that," Diane says. "I won't deny it makes me uneasy, but I stand by what I said when I said that it was your life. I'd just- I'd just prefer that my children found out some other way, that's all."

"They're smart kids," I say. "Karl especially."

"...God, I really must come across like some kind of dinosaur," Diane sighs. "You have to understand, my first concern- my only concern is for my children. It's something you'll never understand if you don't have children, the need to protect them."

"Never say never," I say. "I know at least one couple where one person's transgendered and they've adopted children. Though I do need to ask... What are you protecting them from, when it comes to me and Sarah?"

"It's- I don't want them to be confused," Diane says. "They're raised in a household with a mother and a father. Then if they see two women getting married, one of whom used to be a man but who altered herself into being a woman-"

"They'll see two people who love each other very much," I say. "It's not like I'm ever going to strip in front of either of them, or ever do any more than kiss Sarah... If there's one thing people, especially children DON'T need protecting from, it's love. Well, you know what I mean when I say 'love', right? 'Proper' love, not-"

"You're right," Diane says. "Neither you nor Sarah have ever done anything 'inappropriate' in front of Karl or Kerrie. And I trust that neither of you would. It's not easy. It's REALLY not easy, knowing how much Sarah hates me..."

"She doesn't hate you," I say. "She may dislike you a little..."

"I took her father away from her mother," Diane snorts. "What's not to hate?"

"She was three," I say. "I don't have any memories from back then, and it's not like her father hasn't been a part of her life."

"God, when did an eighteen year old girl become wiser than me?" Diane laughs- the first time I have ever seen the woman smile.

"Not to boast, but it was about the same time I became a GIRL," I say with a giggle. "Girl power for the win!"

"Ugh, now you're taking me back to my university days," Diane chuckles. "Just finished my second year when 'Wannabe' came out, and when I went back, literally every one of my friends was trying to form a Spice Girls cover band..."

"You know," I say, "I am friends with the members of Out of Heaven, if Kerrie's a fan I could always get her some signed merchandise?"

"Oh, I don't let her listen to music like that, she's too young," Diane says dismissively. "...But I do appreciate the gesture. It can't have been easy to come here and apologise in the way you did."

"Sometimes life only deals you bad choices," I say, quoting my father's earlier words of wisdom. "You just have to pick the least bad one. And I didn't want myself or Sarah feeling guilty anymore over the state of your marriage."

"You can tell Sarah her conscience is clear," Diane says in a calm, relaxed voice I didn't realise she was even capable of. "And that she's welcome to visit over Christmas. You both are."

"And can we dance a little ballet in our leotards?" I ask expectantly. "I promise nothing will 'show'..."

"I'll think about it," Diane laughs. "Though it'll probably make Kerrie want to take it up again, that's an expense I DON'T need..." I share a chuckle with Diane as we gossip for the next half hour about our lives, before she gives me a lift back to Milton Keynes station. I have a smile on my face as I arrive back in London, and on the tube back to my house.

"Welcome back, prodigal daughter," mum jokes as I step through the door. "Your dad told me what happened today... I take it it all went well?"

"Better than I could have hoped," I say with a grin. "I can't wait to tell Sarah..."

It doesn't take long for my fiancée to return from university, and when she does, I greet her with a long kiss and a wide smile, before crashing down on the sofa with her.

"You're happy," Sarah giggles, before taking a sly squeeze of my nylon-covered thigh. "AND properly dressed..."

"I had a good day," I giggle. "I went to some places, spoke to some people..."

"Um, where and who, exactly?" Sarah asks.

"Let's just say," I say, "I may have got us reinvited to your father's house for Christmas..." I grin widely, but my grin slowly fades as Sarah stares at me in disbelief.

"You- you went to see Diane?" Sarah asks. "What- what the- are you mad? What did you think you were doing?"

"Sa-Sarah?" I ask.

"That's MY family, Nikki!" Sarah snaps. "What did you think gave you the right to interfere?"

"I- I only wanted to help out," I say in a meek, terrified voice. "And I did, Diane calmed right down..."

"You could at least have told me before going down there," Sarah says, visibly calming down but still seething with anger. "I- I can't deal with this right now. I'm going home."

"Wait- what- wait, Sarah, please!" I say. "I'm sorry, okay? But it all worked out-"

"I- I just need to clear my head, Nikki," Sarah sighs. "I'll see you at ballet tomorrow morning."

"I love you!" I yell after Sarah as she walks out, but my fiancée merely shakes her head and walks away, leaving me stood on the doorstep in a state of shock, which soon gives way to tears as mum leads me back into the house for a long, much-needed hug.

I lay on the sofa for the next half an hour crying, before drying my eyes and letting out a long, loud moan.

"Why does everything I touch turn to absolute garbage?" I ask.

"It does not!" Mum says, sitting down next to me and giving me another long hug. "So you and Sarah had an argument. It happens. You know she's been highly-strung lately, she probably just needs some time alone. Things WILL go back to normal, I promise you."

"I just thought- I thought we'd always be able to talk to each other," I sigh. "Now I've screwed things up forever, yet again..."

"NOT forever," mum says, holding my left hand up to the light. "You're still wearing the ring, aren't you? Last I checked, so was Sarah."

"Well- I guess," I mumble.

"So stop worrying," mum says. "You heard Sarah, she'll be at your dance class tomorrow. You'll talk it out and you'll be back to your old selves before you even know it."

"I guess," I say, before reaching into my handbag for my phone. "I should text her..."

"She said she needs to clear her head," mum says, gently holding my hand in my bag. "Give her space, Nikki. Sometimes that's what women need... Maybe even you, some day."

"...Okay," I sigh, before smiling as mum picks up my baby sister and dumps her on my lap, where she wriggles around, constantly yelling 'mama' despite my attempts to calm her down.

Eventually, Jenny heads to bed, and a few hours later, so do I, sighing as I unbutton my skirt and slowly roll my tights off of my legs, trying not to think about Sarah's earlier promise to do this for me, or the way she touched my thigh earlier, or the many ways she's touched my thigh over the last four years, regardless of whether or not I was wearing the tights I'd longed to wear for so long. Once I'm in my nightdress, I get into bed, but am unable to sleep, such is my worry about Sarah. Ignoring mum's advice, I grab my phone off of my nightstand and hastily compose a new text message to my fiancée.

'Sarah,' I type. 'I'm so sorry I went behind your back, I didn't think about what effect this would have on you. I hope you can forgive me. I love you, I love you, I love you. N. xxxxxxx.' I press 'send' before immediately locking my phone's screen and switching it to silent- if Sarah does respond, I want to read her message with a clear, rested head.

When I wake up the following morning, the first thing I do is check my phone for any new messages, but much to my dismay, I don't have a single one. I sigh as I head into the shower and pray for the warm water to wash away my stress, before heading back into my room and rolling a pair of soft pink tights up my legs, before stretching my favourite black tank leotard up my body. After tying my hair back into a high ponytail, I examine my body, snorting with satisfaction as I see that nothing really does 'show'. After pulling on a loose sweater dress and shoving my work clothes into my dance bag, I check my phone one more time in the hope that Sarah's tried to get in touch with me- but alas, she hasn't.

I force a smile on my face as I arrive at the dance studio and am greeted by my usual cohort of friends and acquaintances- specifically Katie and Lauren, who both greet me with tight hugs.

"Hey, taller half of Snikki!" Katie giggles. "Sarah not with you today?"

"No," I sigh. "We- we kinda had a bit of an argument last night..."

"Ah, that sucks," Lauren says as she adjusts the strap of her leotard. "I know she's had a lot on her mind lately, your weekend did NOT sound fun!"

"It wasn't," I mumble. "I tried to fix it yesterday, but I'm worried I just ended up making things worse..."

"Sarah ADORES you," Katie says, giving my shoulders a comforting squeeze. "It won't stay 'worse' for long, believe me!" I smile as I look over Katie's shoulder and am surprised by the sight of two familiar faces at the lesson.

"Why are Jacinta and Ophelia here?" I ask Katie. "Don't tell me they've finally given in?"

"Yep, at long last!" Katie giggles.

"Sarah's been wearing them down over the past few weeks," Lauren says. "Hope she gets here soon so she can see her 'hard work' pay off..."

"So do I," I whisper as I head into class to have my ballerina's bun tied before taking my place at the barre, whilst Jacinta and Ophelia sit in the seats at the side of the class with another 'guest', a young, dark-haired woman. Just before Krystie gets the class started, we're interrupted as the door bursts open and Sarah rushes in, hastily stripping off her street clothes before tying her soft ballet shoes to her feet and taking her place at the barre.

"Sorry I'm late," Sarah gasps between breaths, "I, um, I overslept..."

"I bet you did," Krystie giggles as her eyes dart back and forth between Sarah and myself. "Okay, now that Miss Phillips ISN'T holding us up anymore, let's start our stretches." I glance over at Sarah, who smiles a sad smile at me, her beautiful face flushed with embarrassment from her tardiness.

Sixty minutes later, at the end of the lesson, I head straight over to Sarah, not stopping even to untie my bun or my pointe shoes.

"Sarah, I'm-" I say, before my fiancée holds up her hand, silencing me.

"I'M sorry," Sarah says. "I shouldn’t have gone off on you the way I did yesterday... I know you were only trying to help. But you know, if we are to be married, we have to share everything, okay?"

"We ARE to be married," I say. "And I'M sorry I went behind your back. I promise, in the future, only sharing. Deal?"

"Deal!" Sarah giggles, grabbing a generous handful of my pink-hosed thigh. "Now I believe I promised to help you remove those, didn't I?" I giggle as I follow Sarah to the changing room, where we find a secluded corner and remove each other's leotards and tights and 'enjoy' each other's bodies for a brief, blissful moment, before pulling on our street clothes. As we head out of the small room, however, we're greeted by yet another unexpected visitor to the studio.

"D-Diane!?" Sarah asks, her jaw almost dropping to the floor.

"Hello Sarah," Diane says in a quiet, polite voice. "It's nice to see you..."

"What are you doing here?" Sarah asks defensively.

"I want to apologise," Diane says. "For the way I've treated you over the last fifteen years... Nikki has helped me to realise that there's no reason for us to be enemies, so with your permission, I'd like to bury the hatchet, so to speak."

"...I'd like that too," Sarah mumbles. "And I'm sorry too, if I acted like a brat over the past fifteen years..."

"Apology accepted," Diane says with a smile. "And it would be my honour if you would come to our house over Christmas, yourself and your fiancée. And... I would be honoured if Kerrie could be your bridesmaid."

"Of course she can!" Sarah says with a happy laugh. "In fact, I can't think of anyone more suited to be my maid of honour than her." I smile happily as Sarah and Diane share an awkward hug, before they both walk away with genuine smiles on their faces.

"So then," Jamie says as we both get into my car, "‘happily ever after'?"

"Not yet," I reply, "but not far off! You were right in what you said, just the gesture of trying opened doors- literally, in my case, heh."

"Glad to be of service," Jamie says. "Kinda like being the fairy godmother, indirectly melting the heart of Cinderella's wicked stepmother!"

"As long as I'm PRINCESS Charming!" I say, making Jamie giggle uncontrollably.

"You are the prettiest, prissiest princess in the whole of the world!" Jamie says, making me giggle as we head to work.

What dad says is true- sometimes life is a case of choosing the least bad of a selection of bad choices. But sometimes, a bad choice can lead to a good outcome, depending on how sincere you are about wanting to make things better. Sarah's just gained herself a better relationship with her stepmother AND a maid of honour. And anything that makes Sarah happy makes me happy.

Slowly, but surely, the whole world is waking up to the fact that yes, I used to be a man, but I am now a woman, and as a woman, I am going to marry another woman. For some people, this revelation takes long to sink in than it does for others, but regardless, it's a fact that simply isn't going anywhere. I was born a boy, I'm now a girl, and soon, I'll be a bride. Sarah and I will both have our entire family behind us as we finally tie the knot, and for me, that day, the 'happily ever after' Jamie asked about, can't come soon enough.

“Smile!” The cameraman urges me. Naturally, I obey, curling my scarlet lips upward while maintaining my trademark model’s pout. “Show us the side stitching.” Again, I obey, lifting my arm above my head to show off the stitching on the side panel of the tight under bust corset I’m wearing.

“Beautiful, Nikki,” the cameraman says. “Okay, just one more to go, then you can finally go home!”

“Okay,” I say, my pout turning back into a sweet smile as I head back to the dressing room and exchange my bra and waist cincher for an elaborate over bust corset, which is tightened mercilessly by Kayleigh (my ‘assistant’ for the day). After attaching my stockings to the garters of the corset, I head back out onto the set and repeat the same poses and pouts I’ve been pulling all morning as my scantily-clad body is photographed for the website that will be selling the corsets.

Eventually, my work is completed, and I literally breathe a sigh of relief s my corset is loosened and I change back into the tight top and short skirt I wore to the studio. After unpinning my long brown hair from its updo and slipping my feet into the comfortable flats I wore to the studio, I grab the ‘goody bag’ of lingerie the studio supplied for me and head out onto the busy London street, smiling when I see the very familiar figure waiting for me.

“Hey, sexy supermodel!” Sarah giggles, wrapping her arms around my waist and giving me a long, loving kiss.

“Hey, sexy fashion designer!” I say, returning my fiancée’s kiss. “Hope you’re not TOO jealous about the fact that I just spent all morning getting photographed wearing sexy lingerie…”

“I don’t ‘do’ jealousy anymore,” Sarah says with a smug grin. “Though you ARE modelling everything in that bag for me when we get home. Every. Last. Bit.”

“Hmm… That can be arranged,” I laugh as we get into Sarah’s car and head home.

As we slowly crawl through the packed London streets, I allowed myself a contented smile- today was my third modelling job in a month, and whilst I still work nearly full-time as PA for the Angels, it IS good to get in front of the camera from time to time, even if I am only wearing underwear. Concentrating on nothing other than looking sexy and feminine is a great way to clear the mind of distractions, such as my other work, Sarah’s increased workload at university, or planning a wedding… Or, most significantly, the fact that I was born male and still have a male anatomy… But won’t do for long.

Today is Tuesday the 12th of April, and exactly ten weeks from now, I will go under general anaesthetic and have my genitals cuts to bits before being reshaped to simulate a woman’s genitals… And the thought is terrifying the life out of not just me, but everyone I know, too.

It’s not like I don’t want to have it done, of course. I’ve been transitioning for almost three years and dreamed of being a woman for a lot longer than that. Every other part of my body is woman-shaped- I have perky C-cup breasts, my waist is narrow, my hips and backside wide, my skin is soft and smooth, my muscles lack any definition… Unless you were to strip my completely naked, you’d never mistake me for anything other than 100% female. And that’s just it- it’s not like I NEED to have SRS. Today’s just further proof of that- I spent all day wearing nothing but lingerie, and there was no hint that I had anything other than a vagina between my legs. And it’s not like I’m the only person who’d be affected by SRS, either- Sarah and I have settled into a sex life that more than satisfies both of us, something that would completely change if I, well, ‘changed’.

As we arrive back at my home, I’m reminded of the other people who’d be affected by my upcoming ‘change’.

“Hello, girls!” Dad laughs, handing Jenny to me to cuddle whilst he makes Sarah and I some much-needed cups of tea.

“Hi Chris!” Sarah replies. “Is Sandra at work today?”

“Yep,” dad replies. “I get to play ‘Mr. Mom’ for the day, heh. Not that I mind, of course!”

“Dada!” Jenny squeaks in her tiny, adorable voice.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t have helped to babysit more,” Sarah says, taking Jenny from my arms and giving her a soft, gentle kiss on her forehead. “Uni work, you know…”

“No, no, you get that degree!” Dad replies. “God knows you’re paying enough for it, thank you David Cameron…”

“Dad, leave the politics in the cab, please,” I say, making my father chuckle. “I’m also sorry I couldn’t have babysat more, Jenny’s just getting cuter and cuter every day…”

“No, you go and earn some money!” Dad laughs, hanging Sarah and I our drinks whilst ‘reclaiming’ Jenny. “Is that your haul from today?” I follow dad’s gaze to the big shopping bag containing the garments I wore today, and nod. “Any chance you could show us some of them now?”

“Umm,” I say, freezing from dad’s unexpected question.

“The, um,” Sarah stutters. “What Nikki was modelling today…”

“It was, kinda, um, lingerie…” I mumble, grimacing as dad’s face falls.

“Oh,” dad says darkly. “Well, you are nineteen, you are an adult, I suppose…”

“Jamie and Charlotte both did underwear shoots when they were nineteen,” I blurt. “So did Krystie, our ballet teacher. She actually did topless-“

“I don’t need to know any more!” dad says, sighing as Jenny starts to cry. “Gah- what you do is your own business, Nikki. Both professionally and- well- I need to take Jenny upstairs, see if I can calm her down…” I sigh as dad disappears up the stairs with my sister, before moaning and resting my head on Sarah’s shoulder.

“Ugh,” I spit. “Three years, three years since I came out. You’d have thought that’d be enough time to get used to it.”

“He HAS got used to it,” Sarah says. “He went on national television to defend you, for god’s sake!”

“Yeah,” I sigh. “But that was when all I was doing was wearing a skirt and taking a couple of pills every day. Now we’re talking about cutting things off…” I moan again and Sarah gives me a long, gentle hug, but even the touch of the woman I adore isn’t enough to relieve all the stress I’m feeling at my decision.

Naturally, by the time dad returns downstairs with a now-calm infant in his arms, the bag of lingerie I received today has been put away in my bedroom, and the topic of my impending operation has been taken firmly off the table, where it remains for the rest of the day as Sarah concentrates on her reading for her course and I catch up with my social media pages. I still feel stressed as Sarah and I head to bed just after 10pm, though once my bedroom door is shut, a wicked grin creeps across Sarah’s face as she encircles my waist from behind.

“Now,” Sarah coos, “didn’t you promise me a sexy, satiny, lacy corset?” I giggle as Sarah strips off her dress, turning her back to me as I pin my hair high on my head before pulling on one of the corsets I’d worn today, tightening the laces as far as they’ll go, before attaching a pair of shiny dark stockings to the corset's garters and sliding a thong up my legs, giggling as the thin rear strap nestles between my buttocks.

"Ask and you shall receive," I whisper, smiling wickedly as Sarah turns around and her eyes fill with a look of pure lust.

Less than fifteen minutes later, with our bodies glistening with sweat, we lay our heads down on our pillows and sigh contentedly, our ‘needs’ satisfied for now… Though before my alarm clock goes off the following morning, I’m woken by the feeling of Sarah pressing her smooth, naked body into mine and kissing me deeply, actions I’m only too happy to reciprocate.

“I obviously need to wear a corset more often if that’s the effect it has on you,” I say twenty minutes later, making Sarah giggle as she heads into the shower.

“Well you’ve got plenty now,” Sarah laughs. “Maybe we should try one each night for the rest of the week, see if they have the same effect!”

“Or you could wear one and see what effect it has on me!” I retort.

“I’ve always wanted to try making lingerie, especially corsets,” Sarah says. “Had a couple of ideas for designs last night that I can’t wait to sketch out. Feel like modelling them for me?”

“Like you need to ask,” I chuckle. “Though is that all I am to you, a clothes horse?”

“Oh, you have other good ‘parts’ too,” Sarah laughs as she returns to the bedroom, giving me a kiss before grimacing as she realises what she said. “Oh, um… You know what I mean by ‘parts’, right? Emotional, um, ‘parts’…”

“As long you’ll like my ‘parts’ in a few months’ time,” I whisper.

“It’s never mattered to me what you have between your legs, and it never will!” Sarah pleads, holding up her left hand for me to see. “Read the ring finger, Nikki!”

“I know,” I say, fiddling with my own beautiful engagement ring. “It’s just… You know, we’re going into unknown territory, right? We’ve only ever had sex with each other…”

“And as the oestrogen flooded your body, we adapted,” Sarah says.

“This is going to be a hell of a thing to ‘adapt’ to, though,” I say.

“I look forward to it,” Sarah says, wrapping her arms around my neck and giving me another kiss. “I really, honestly do. What you do to me in bed… You- sorry, WE are going to have so, so much fun!”

“We are,” I say with a confident smile.

“Now get showered,” Sarah says, giving my left buttock a playful pinch that makes me squeal. “Don’t want to be all sweaty for ballet, do you?” I giggle as I playfully pinch Sarah’s backside before showering, and once I’m dry I tie my hair back into a high ponytail before pulling on the soft pink tights and tight black leotard that have become part of my Wednesday morning routine. As I’m wearing a long-sleeved leotard today, I cover up with a cute grey pinafore dress and high-heeled ankle booties before following Sarah (who has covered her dancewear with a very plain black denim miniskirt and a hoodie with her university’s logo on it) down to her car, giving my mum and my sister a kiss each before leaving.

“Has your mum said anything about your operation yet?” Sarah asks as we drive away. “Every time you talk- well, okay, moan- about it, it’s always your dad who you seem to be moaning about.”

“I don’t ‘moan’,” I sigh, earning a withering stare from Sarah. “Okay, maybe I do. Mum’s not said anything, not a thing. She knows that this is what I want, so she’s all for it. Even picked out comfortable dresses for me to wear while I recover, got new towels for when I have to dilate…”

“Sounds like there’s a ‘but’ coming,” Sarah says.

“It’s like when I first came out,” I sigh. “Her first reaction was to immerse me in girlishness and watch me either drown or come up for air.”

“…Or swim and take everything in your stride, which is what you did,” Sarah retorts.

“You mean like how we took being inundated with bridal catalogues in our stride, after we told her about our engagement?” I ask. “That 366 day countdown we insisted on certainly lasted long, didn’t it?”

“So your mum’s a bit full-on,” Sarah shrugs. “She’s supportive, that’s the important thing. So’s your dad. Just- just give him time, okay?”

“He’s already had three years,” I moan, making Sarah sigh yet again.

We pull up outside the swanky dance studio a short while later, and I smile as we head inside to be greeted with hugs from all of our friends.

“Hey girlies!” Lauren and Katie squeak as they hug myself and Sarah.

“Last lesson before the end of the holidays,” Katie says with a smug grin. “Though next holiday, our class MAY get two more students…”

“Jacinta and Ophelia?” I ask. “Finally!”

“Yeah, they had their first beginner’s lesson last night,” Lauren says as she adjusts her leotard. “Damn thing… Why do dancewear manufacturers assume that ballerinas don’t have boobs?”

“Ugh, tell me about it,” I sigh, adjusting the sleeve of my own leotard. “Try growing 4 cup sizes in eighteen months!”

“I did,” Lauren says, prompting a girlish group giggle. “Not that I’d trade my curves in for anything, of course!”

“I dunno,” Katie says. “I kinda hoped that by the time I was nineteen I wouldn’t still have so many freckles… Though I guess that can be sorted by make-up rather than going under the knife… What?” Katie trails off as she sees myself and Sarah deliberately avoiding her gaze.

“I think ‘going under the knife’ is a sensitive topic for Nikki right now,” Lauren whispers, making Katie’s eyes go wide.

“Oh my god, Nikki, I am SO sorry,” Katie says. “I- I just completely forgot-“

“It’s fine,” I say, calming Katie down with a hug. “Sometimes I forget too, heh! As long as I get lots of presents while I recover, of course?”

“I promise,” Katie chuckles. “God, I can’t believe we’ve known each other for 2 and a half years…”

“Yep!” I giggle. “Think I’ve told you this before, but you’re the first friend I made as Nikki who never knew ‘Nick’ beforehand.”

“Ah, what a privilege,” Katie giggles. “And yet I have to settle for ‘bridesmaid’ and not ‘maid of honour’…”

“You’ll still be gorgeous in your dress,” I giggle as we head into our lesson and take our place at the barre. “Just as you were in your tutu on your birthday in January!”

“Yeah…” Katie says. “But you were HOT in the tutu on your birthday last month! And, of course, you’ll be the bride, so you’ll be the most gorgeous and girly of them all… Well, joint most gorgeous and girly, anyway!” I giggle as the lesson begins and we run through our usual stretches and steps. After pulling on my pointe shoes, I find myself yet again staring at my reflection in the mirror, gazing at the young woman balancing daintily on the tips of her toes, her slender body encased in a soft black leotard and her long brown hair tied into a severe bun. This continues even after the lesson ends as I continue stretching, lowering my body into a full split and stretching my body into shapes that would probably have left me crippled if I’d attempted them three years ago.

“Enjoy being able to do that while you can!” Jamie giggles, lowering herself into a full split alongside me. “Took MONTHS after my operation before I was able to do this again, and even now it’s not exactly comfortable, hehe!”

“Then why are you doing it?” I ask, making my mentor giggle even more.

“Because it’s girly,” Jamie shrugs. “And cute, and elegant… All good things, I’m sure you’ll agree.”

“Of course,” I whisper as my thoughts turn to one of my friends who should be in our class today. “Have- have you heard from Stephanie yet?”

“Not a word,” Jamie replies with a dark voice. “I- I’m still wrapping my head around what happened, what she did… She’ll be found when she wants to be found, I guess.”

“I guess,” I sigh. “It’s made me think, though- are we all really just pretending to be girls? You know, people like me and you…”

“If you are, then we ALL are,” Krystie says, effortlessly dropping into a split alongside myself and Jamie. “Even girls like us who are lucky enough to have everything ‘in place’ from birth!”

“Yeah, but really…” I mumble.

“No buts!” Krystie says. “Never mind Stephanie, what she does in her life is her problem. You’ve committed to being the most gorgeous, girly girl possible, haven’t you?”

“I guess…” I say, before cringing under a withering stare from both women. “Umm, I mean, umm, yes! Yes I have. Go girls!”

“Go girls!” Jamie and Krystie both cheer between their giggles.

“And once you get, well, ‘cut’, you’ll be able to experience ALL the amazing things we girls experience!” Jamie says. “Well… Almost all, anyway.”

“All the GOOD things,” Krystie laughs. “Though I don’t know why you’re rushing, Nikki. I mean, you’re only nineteen, you’ve got your whole life ahead of you…”

“Really, Miss ‘I can’t wait for my boyfriend to propose to me so I’ll propose to him’?” Jamie says, making Krystie roll her eyes. “Though substitute ‘girlfriend’ for ‘boyfriend’ and that would also describe young Miss Thomas here…”

“YOUNG Miss Thomas,” Krystie giggles. “Though not too young that she can’t strip to her undies and flash her cleavage at a camera…”

“Ohh yes,” Jamie laughs as I blush. “The big lingerie shoot… When do we see the results from that again?”

“Soon,” I groan, standing up and stretching my tired legs.

“Didn’t need surgery for THAT, did you?” Krystie asks.

“Oh, leave the poor girl alone,” Jamie sighs as I head to the changing room to pull my dress back on.

Both women make a valid point- Jamie herself didn’t get her SRS until she was 22 and only started transitioning when she was 19… But at the same time, like Jamie herself said, I HAVE made the commitment to be a woman for the rest of my life. However, no matter how many surgeries I have, the fact will always remain that’ll never truly be 100% female- like Krystie said, there are some things that birth women experience that transwomen simply can’t, and I’ll go through the rest of my life knowing that my vagina was created through surgery, rather than what I was born with. I’ll always be a ‘fake’ woman- and while my friends and family will undoubtedly give me all the support in the world, the fact is- they already do. Yet another thing that surgery won’t change…

“You’re quiet,” Sarah says as she drives me home. “Saw you chatting with Jamie and Krystie before we left…”

“Yeah,” I say. “No prizes for guessing the topic…”

“It’s either your photoshoot yesterday, Stephanie’s disappearance or your upcoming SRS,” Sarah says.

“Correct, correct and… Correct,” I say, making my fiancée giggle. “Stop being so damned smart…”

“Never,” Sarah says smugly. “So… Is there something you can tell your best friends that you can’t tell your soul mate?”

“Never,” I say, sticking my tongue out at Sarah and making her laugh. “It’s just- ugh. This whole Stephanie thing… Just kinda drives home the fact that I’m always going to be an ‘artificial woman’, that I’ll never be-“

“Stop right there,” Sarah says forcefully. “There is nothing ‘artificial’ about your femininity.”

“But there would be if I got SRS, even you can’t deny-“ I say, only to be cut off once again.

“Oh yes I can,” Sarah says. “Trust me Nikki, you are NOT Stephanie. You’re not pretending to be a woman, you ARE a woman. I’m willing to bet that when Stephanie was fifteen, she never broke down in tears every time she took off her skirt or her dress or saw her fingernails without any polish on them.”

“Okay, you’re right,” I sigh as I stare at my dark fuchsia fingernails.

“And just because your vagina is man-made rather than natural, doesn’t make it any less a vagina,” Sarah says. “Otherwise, I’d be called something else, wouldn’t it?”

“But it’s not like I NEED to get SRS,” I say.

“No one NEEDS anything,” Sarah says. “I don’t NEED to go to university. I don’t NEED to be a dancer, or even a fashion designer. Okay, I DO need you, but the point is, you’re entitled to strive to have what you want.”

“Jamie’s always telling me to want what I have, rather than have what I want,” I retort.

“Bit rich from someone who’s already had SRS,” Sarah says. “Not that I don’t like Jamie, of course, but… She’s not you. There’s nothing wrong with wanting something so badly that you’ll do anything to try to get it. And I’ll help you every step of the way.”

“Thank you,” I whisper, linking fingers with my fiancée as we arrive back at her posh home.

“Besides,” Sarah says as she heads up to her room, returning with 3 long, beautiful dresses draped over her arm. “You’ve helped me every step of the way, haven’t you?”

“Wearing your clothes all day every day isn’t really a burden, though,” I giggle.

“Nor is having exclusive access to your vagina,” Sarah whispers, giving me a long, deep kiss. “Now get changed!” I giggle as I take one of Sarah’s dresses from her and quickly change into it, posing for Sarah’s camera just as I had for the professional photographers yesterday.

After a quick lunch out with Katie, Lauren, Jacinta and Ophelia (to celebrate the last week of their Easter holiday), Sarah and I return home, where she spends the rest of the evening sketching designs for corsets and other clothes. Before we head to bed, Sarah insists that I look through some of her sketches, and I’m only too happy to do, imagining how her beautiful clothes would feel on my body, even the serious-looking corsets. As I reach the end of Sarah’s sketchbook, though, one drawing makes me nearly drop it on the floor.

Unlike every other drawing in the book, this figure isn’t wearing any clothes- not a single stitch. She is stark naked, fully anatomically correct… And an almost perfect likeness of me, except for what’s between her legs- or rather, what ISN’T.

“Let me guess,” Sarah giggles as she removes her make-up, “you’ve found my ‘special design’?”

“Umm… Yes,” I say, staring at the naked woman. “Do you- do you sketch me naked a lot?”

“Only when I’m bored and lonely,” Sarah giggles. “And horny, of course.”

“Are you any of those things right now?” I ask, smiling as Sarah gives me a long, deep kiss and drags me over to her bed…

Fifteen minutes later, with my body yet again covered in a fine sheen of sweat, I take several deep breaths to calm my racing heart as Sarah snuggles up next to me.

“Whatever it is you’ve been eating, get me some!” I laugh as I give Sarah another long, deep kiss.

“I’m simply drunk on ‘Nikkibrew’,” Sarah giggles. “That drawing’s going to see through a lot of cold winter nights when I have to travel for my course next year…”

“Well…” I tease. “I AM nineteen, there’s nothing stopping you from simply taking a photograph of me naked… Except, of course, it wouldn’t look like the woman in your sketch.”

“Part of the drawing is kinda that it’s, you know, ‘fantasy Nikki’,” Sarah says.

“You really, really want me to get SRS, don’t you?” I ask.

“I want you to be as happy as you can possible be,” Sarah replies. “And I reckon that if you don’t get SRS, you’ll always pine for it. So yes, for your own good, I want you to get SRS, I want you to see it through.”

“And if I decide to cancel the operation?” I ask.

“Then I’ll love you all the same,” Sarah says, giving me a soft kiss. “But you’ll spend the rest of your life wondering what your life would be like if you HAD had the operation.” I close my eyes and nod- Sarah is, of course, correct, but there’s no guarantee that she’ll still feel this way after the operation…

I put my stresses out of my mind as I wake up the following morning, heading into Sarah’s en-suite to shower before pulling on the skirt, tights, blouse and heels that have made up my work attire for many months now. After giving Sarah- who, being a student, is still in bed as I leave- a goodbye kiss, I head back to my house to pick up my car, before driving to Charlotte’s house to pick up my ‘boss’ for the day- who surprises me by ushering her fiancé onto the back seat of my car.

“Hi Nikki,” Stuart- Jamie’s fiancé- says as he fastens his seatbelt.

“Umm, hi…” I say. “Am I a taxi now, Jamie?”

“No, you’re a PA,” Jamie retorts with a smug grin. “That stands for ‘personal assistant’, which means you assist us personally, and my fiancé needs a personal lift to the studio today.”

“’You know who’ going ‘you don’t know where’ has kinda dumped a load of extra work on me,” Stuart sighs.

“Ah, okay,” I say.

“And the radio station’s only down the road from the office anyway,” Jamie says.

“I don’t mind,” I shrug. “Can I claim double petrol expenses?”

“Just drive!” Jamie giggles, giving me a playful shove as I start my engine.

After dropping Stuart off, I drive my mentor to the radio station where she’ll be interviewed today. Even though it’s radio, Jamie still spends time before the interview working on her make-up in case the station asks for any publicity photographs.

“For the record,” I say as I touch up my make-up alongside Jamie, “I did ask if they had anywhere else that could double as a dressing room…”

“Eh, I’ve been to studios with worse,” Jamie replies. “I’ve also been in much, MUCH worse ladies’ rooms, hehe!”

“Even the worst ladies’ room I’ve been in was better than the best men’s room,” I say, putting away my make-up brushes and adjusting my bra. “Is- is it really different, you know, peeing-“

“That’s a question for your doctor, not me!” Jamie laughs. “But- yes, it kinda is, but you get used to it very quickly.”

“It’s almost two years to the day for you, isn’t it?” I ask.

“Two years last week,” Jamie replies. “And to answer your next question, no, no regrets. And yes, ‘it’ feels complete natural. It did just a few weeks after the surgery, actually. Are you really still having second thoughts?”

“It’s- it’s a big step,” I say. “The biggest of them all, and like I was telling Sarah last night, it’s not like I NEED it, I’m really happy the way I am right now. I’ve got a great job, great friends, a loving family, I’m mildly famous… And I have Sarah.”

“For someone who’s only nineteen, you DO have a lot going for you,” Jamie concedes. “Then again, I know someone who could’ve said the same thing before their SRS.”

“…You?” I ask, frowning with confusion as Jamie smiles and shakes her head. “Then who?” My frown deepens as Jamie heads to the studio for her interview, and doesn’t leave my face even as we get back in my car after the interview’s successful completion. It’s only as we head to a small, posh café near Jamie’s fiancé’s workplace that the penny finally drops- the person Jamie was referring to is actually Stuart- or, as he was known when he was born 26 years ago, Claire.

“Hey,” Stuart says to Jamie, giving her a long kiss as we sit down at a quiet, out-of-the-way table. “Hi Nikki, Jamie’s been telling me that you’re feeling a little bit nervous about SRS, is that right?”

“More than a little,” I laugh. “It’s not just the pain or the recovery time either that’s making me nervous- though obviously that’s not something I’m looking forward to either.”

“It IS a small price to pay,” Jamie says.

“It was a much bigger price for me, though,” Stuart says. “With a much smaller guarantee that it would be successful in the long run. But I had it done anyway, because I knew that if I didn’t, I’d spend my whole life wondering what my life would’ve been like if I had.”

“Sarah said the same thing last night,” I muse.

“Maybe that’s telling you something,” Jamie says.

“I guess,” I sigh. “Can- can we change the topic, please?”

“Of course,” Jamie laughs. “So… Adeola’s party on Sunday, decided what you’re singing yet?”

“I’m guessing ‘Help’ by the Beatles is already taken?” I say, making Jamie and Stuart laugh. We stay in the café for the next hour, deliberately avoid the topic of SRS, and after dropping Stuart and Jamie back at his studio, I head home, where I’m greeted by an unexpected surprise as I walk through the door.

“Hello, Nikki!” Grandma Irene- my father’s mother- says as I sit down in my usual spot on the sofa. “Good day at work?”

“Well, good morning, anyway!” Grandpa Steven- my father’s father- chuckles as he bounces my baby sister on his knee.

“Umm, yeah,” I say. “No major dramas, anyway… Where’s dad?”

“He got offered overtime,” Grandpa Steven says. “Asked us if we wouldn’t mind babysitting- obviously you and you mum were at work- we said of course, so here we are!”

“Reminds us of when we used to babysit you when you were a baby,” Grandma chuckles. “And during the school holidays.”

“I remember those days,” I sigh happily.

“You used to watch all those DVDs over and over again,” Grandpa laughs. “What was it again? Ben 10?”

“Heh, I haven’t watched that in ages,” I laugh.

“Of course, if we knew then what we know now, we’d have shown you a something like a Barbie cartoon instead,” Grandpa says, darkening the mood in the room and leading to an awkward, tense silence.

“Would you like a drink, Nikki?” Grandma asks, breaking the tension.

“I, um, just had lunch…” I mumble. “I can- I can get a drink for you if you’d like?”

“I’m 69, not an invalid!” Grandma laughs. “I’ll get you a cup of tea.” My body tenses further as my grandmother leaves me alone in the living room with my grandfather- the same man who, almost two years ago, was sat on a stage getting booed by a television audience. In the intervening time, our relationship has healed, but we’re still nowhere near as close as we used to be when I’d sit cross-legged on his living room floor, watching cartoons all day…

“I. um, I put my, um, birthday present, the voucher, to good use,” I mumble.

“Good,” Grandpa says, leading to another awkward silence.

“Umm… Sarah and I are going dress shopping tomorrow,” I say. “Umm, for wedding dresses…”

“I’d guessed,” my grandfather mumbles quietly. I try to think of another topic of conversation, anything to break the awkward silence that’s fallen over the room, but the only topic on my mind right now is my upcoming operation… And that’s the absolute last thing grandpa will want to hear about right now.

“Here you go,” grandma says, handing me a much-needed cup of tea before taking Jenny for a cuddle. “My, aren’t you growing so fast! You’re going to be such a beautiful young woman, just like- just like your sister…” My eyes briefly meet those of my grandmother, and it’s clear that even for her, my ‘change’ is still a sensitive topic.

“Thanks,” I whisper. “I, um, I’ve actually been doing some modelling work in the last month…”

“Ooh, that’s nice,” grandma says, before another awkward silence falls over the room. “Are- are you going anywhere nice on holiday this year? I remember you telling us about your trip to Spain last year.”

“Umm, not this year,” I say. “I’m going to be laid up all summer, because of…” Oh crap, I think to myself. Looks like we’re talking about this after all…

“Oh,” grandma says. A quick glance at grandpa reveals that his face is one of pure fury, momentarily causing me to cower, before a wave of defiance washes over me. How DARE he be angry about my choices? It’s my life, not his- and much like my father- his son- he’s had three years to get used to the idea, to get used to having a granddaughter.

“Though I’m actually going in for surgery in June,” I say coldly. “So I should be all healed by the end of August, we could always have a week away somewhere before Sarah goes back to university…”

“Ugh,” grandpa grunts.

“Steven,” grandma whispers, trying in vain to calm my grandfather.

“I don’t need to sit here and listen to stories of doctors slicing off my grandson’s balls!” Grandpa spits, fuelling my anger even further.

“GrandDAUGHTER,” I say firmly. “I’ve got a piece of paper upstairs from the government that confirms that my gender is female, and it always will be.”

“Oh, I don’t know, Nick- Nikki,” grandma says. “You’re forever hearing stories about people who have sex changes only to regret it later…” And stories of friends who you thought had changed their gender only to have been secretly living as a man the whole time, I think to myself.

“Not me,” I say. “I am a woman, and that’s how I’m going to stay.”

“Well, obviously you’ll have our love and support no matter what you choose,” grandma says. “Isn’t that right, Steven?” I grimace as grandpa grumbles in agreement, before sitting back and trying to relax. Grandma isn’t wrong when she says that, on rare occasions, people who have changed their gender ultimately revert back to their original gender, but becoming a woman has been a dream of mine for so long, and I’ve enjoyed my life as Nikki so much that going back to being ‘Nick’ simply isn’t an option… Is it?

After mum arrives home, and grandma and grandpa leave- which leaves me breathing a sigh of relief- I head upstairs to finally peel off my work clothes and remove my make-up. Once my face is bare, I stare at myself in the mirror, and I gasp as for a brief, tiny moment, I see ‘Nick’ staring back at me instead of ‘Nikki’.

Before pulling on my casual clothes, I slick my hair back into a tight, strict ponytail, tying it away from my face to simulate short hair as closely as possible. I strip off my underwear before taking one of my least elaborate nightdresses and turning it inside out, effectively making it into a long t-shirt. I pull on the baggiest of my few pairs of trousers, tucking my ‘t-shirt’ into the trousers before fastening it around my hips with a battered leather belt. After removing my nail polish, I stare at myself in my full-length mirror, and sigh. If you were to present me to a stranger in my current state of dress and say ‘this person is a boy’, the stranger would undoubtedly believe you. Despite my soft skin, my narrow waist and even my boobs, I do look masculine- I have a male skeleton, a male facial structure (especially my jaw), larger than average hands for a woman… And yet, I don’t FEEL male, even dressed like this.

A stranger may look at the reflection in the mirror and think ‘this is a boy’, but all I can see is a girl pretending to be a boy. My facial structure may be male, but my facial expressions are entirely female. My hands may be male, but the way they’re resting on my hips certainly isn’t, nor is the stance my supposedly-male skeleton is in. And most importantly of all, my brain, my mind, my soul… Is most definitely 100% completely female, and not just because of the oestrogen-saturated blood flowing through it.

Looking at a supposedly male reflection in the mirror doesn’t question my resolve, it strengthens it- ‘Nick’ is gone, and won’t be coming back. And yet, as I pull my underwear back on, followed by a comfortable denim miniskirt and cute purple top, I’m still in two minds as to whether or not to take the ‘final step’…

Sarah arrives home just after 4pm, having spent the day studying with Lauren and Ophelia, and after a lazy evening in front of the television, Sarah and I head to bed just after 10:30pm. Before we climb into bed, however, a moment of panic grips my body when Sarah discovers the jeans I’d worn earlier and discarded on the floor, with my old, battered belt still fed through the loops.

“Umm… Nikki?” Sarah asks, holding the jeans up. “These are kinda… Unstylish for you, aren’t they?”

“…They are if you’re talking about ‘Nikki’,” I sigh. “When I got home, my grandparents were here.”

“The, um, good ones, or the, you know, bad ones?” Sarah asks.

“The ‘bad ones’,” I mumble, making Sarah sigh and give me a tight hug. “Dad asked them to babysit Jenny, I got home… There was kinda, um, an argument…”

“Over your SRS?” Sarah asks, sighing as I nod.

“Dunno what I was expecting,” I moan. “It’s not like they were going to roll out a red carpet for me as I leave the hospital, but it just drove home how much my decision would affect other people, you know?”

“People you barely see and do NOT have a say in your everyday life!” Sarah says.

“They may not,” I sigh, “but my dad does, and I KNOW he’s uneasy about it…” Sarah lets out a long, soft sigh and tightens her embrace, gradually leading me toward my bed.

“Get some sleep,” Sarah whispers, giving me a long, loving kiss. “Whatever you decide, I’ll always support you and love you, you know that.”

“I know,” I whisper. But even you have a preference about what I should do, I self-pityingly think to myself as I drop off to sleep.

“Do you, Sarah Jennifer Phillips,” the minister says in a loud, booming voice, “take this MAN, Nicholas Christopher Thomas-“

“No- no, wait,” I say as my pristine white wedding dress suddenly becomes extra-tight around my growing chest and arm muscles.

“Take this MAN,” the minister repeats as an unsightly bulge appears in the front of my dress, growing ever larger despite my efforts to hide it, until every single person in the church is staring at my enormous erection...

“Ahh!” I squeal, bolting upright in bed and startling Sarah awake.

“Mmph… Nikki?” Sarah asks. “Are you okay?”

“Ugh… I don’t know,” I moan. “No, probably… Must’ve been a bad one to wake you up.”

“I was half-awake anyway, it’s almost seven,” Sarah mumbles, giving me a tight, very welcome hug.

“I was at our wedding again,” I sigh. “But I wasn’t me, I was- well, I was me, but I was Nick…”

“Ugh,” Sarah spits. “From here on in, you are officially banned from wearing any male clothing, EVER. I’m tossing those jeans out first thing when I get up. No, wait- actually, they’d make a pretty cute maxi skirt..."

“Are you going to take all my most masculine clothing and turn it into girls’ clothes?” I ask, making Sarah giggle.

“Are you telling me you have clothing that can be described as ‘masculine’?” Sarah retorts, giving me a playful kiss.

"Touché," I giggle as I get up and head into the shower, returning a short while later and pulling on a clean bra and thong, followed by a pair of translucent black tights, a knee-length denim skirt and a cute lilac hoodie. I only apply a light layer of make-up- yesterday's 'Nick moment' convinced me that I really don't need as much as I normally wear- so I'm surprised when Sarah, fresh from her turn in the shower, sits down in front of my dresser and methodically applies layer after layer of her own make-up.

I watch, mesmerised, as Sarah applies her concealer, followed by tan-coloured powder, two different mascaras, thick eyeliner, three different shades of eye shadow, two shades of blush and four different lipsticks. She even exchanges her normal discreet nose stud for a flashy gold one, and spends almost ten minutes painting and repainting her fingernails a dark red colour.

"Okay..." I mumble, suddenly feeling very naked and very masculine in my own minimal make-up.

"Well," Sarah explains, "if you're going to experiment with being a boy again, I'm just going to have to experiment with being ultra-girly, aren't I?" I giggle as Sarah dresses for the day in a skimpy lace bra and thong, before feeding a matching suspender belt through the waistband of the thong and rolling a pair of dark fishnet stockings up each leg. Next comes her dress- a tiny, low-cut dress that shows off a LOT of cleavage and exposes the tops of her stockings with every step she takes, and last, but not least, are her shoes- a pair of platform stilettos with a painful-looking 6 inch heel.

"Umm..." I mutter. "Are you really going out like that?"

"Depends," Sarah says as she unties her hair and brushes it out to its fullest volume.

"On what?" I ask.

"On whether my fiancée REALLY wants to be a girl again," Sarah says smugly, making me narrow my eyes as I sit down in front of my dresser and enhance my make-up to the same level as Sarah's, spending even longer than she did touching up my nail polish.

"Better?" I ask, tossing back my long, brown tresses and giving Sarah a full view of my over the top makeover.

"PERFECT," Sarah says. "Though I really, really want that lipstick you're wearing."

"Then come and get it," I tease.

"I thought you'd never ask," Sarah laughs, giving me a long, deep kiss on my scarlet lips, a kiss that we don't break for several minutes.

"NOW are you going to change?" I ask as I sit back down and remove some (but far from all) of my make-up.

"I don't really want to go to the bridal boutique mum recommended dressed as a prostitute," Sarah laughs, toning down her own make-up and tying her hair back into her trademark ponytail before exchanging her stockings for a sheer dark pair, her dress for a casual pencil skirt and her university hoodie, and her shoes for a pair of comfortable flats.

"Keeping the lingerie on, then?" I ask, making Sarah giggle and kiss me again.

"Come on," Sarah laughs, "don't want to keep Katie and Lauren waiting!" I smile as I follow Sarah down to my car, stopping to give Jenny a kiss goodbye as we go- though I pause before kissing dad goodbye, and settle for an awkward hug instead.

We spend virtually all day at the LGBT-friendly bridal boutique Beverly had recommended, trying on dresses and picking out ideas for bridesmaid's dresses (that Katie and Lauren were all too happy to model for us). After a quick dinner, the four of us head back to Katie & Lauren's student flat, where we're soon joined by Jacinta and Ophelia to prepare for our traditional Friday girls night out.

"I still don't get why Lauren can't just design your dresses," Katie says as she applies her clubbing make-up- which looks very similar to the make-up Sarah and I were wearing earlier today. "I mean, obviously Sarah can't, bad luck to see the bride in her dress, you know..."

"Aren't you busy enough with your uni assignments?" Lauren laughs. "It's not just two bridal gowns I'd have to do, it's, like, a dozen bridesmaids dresses, and Sarah's sister will probably grow, like, a foot by the time I'd got them done..."

"Get Ophelia to help, then," Katie says, making everyone- except the teal-haired Ophelia- giggle.

"If you ever get married, I promise I'll do your dresses," Lauren says.

"Your wedding just sounds cuter and cuter every time I hear about it," Jacinta giggles. "Wish I could find myself a nice man to sweep me off my feet..."

"We're setting you up with enough, don't blame us if they don't meet your standards!" Katie giggles. "Besides, the wedding planning's going to be put on hold in a couple of months' time anyway..." I grimace as my upcoming operation once again becomes the topic of discussion.

"Can we just focus on partying tonight, please?" I ask. "You know, celebrating your last night of freedom before getting back to work?"

"You make it sound almost like a hen night," Katie laughs. "Besides, I know someone who's really, REALLY jealous of you..."

"Oh- shut up!" Jacinta moans. "I'm not REALLY jealous... Okay, maybe a little. But not 'REALLY'."

"Oh- oh god," I giggle as something clicks in my mind. "This is going to sound so bad... I'm sorry, Jacinta, I actually forgot for a second that you were trans!"

"Aww!" Jacinta coos, her mouth transforming into a wide, genuine grin. "That is so sweet! Don't worry, Nikki, I forget about you all the time as well!"

"Char-ming!" Katie says, making Jacinta blush and flap her hands in a panic.

"Oh god," Jacinta chuckles. "I- I mean, um, I ALWAYS forget that you're trans! You're, like, so, SO girly, and I'm, like, this lumbering giant of a woman..."

"You're at most an inch taller than me," I laugh. "And- and this is going to sound weird, but- you always seem, you know, girlier than me."

"Oh my god!" Lauren squeaks. "We should SO have a girl-off between you two! You know, see who's the most feminine?"

"Oh please," Jacinta sighs. "I've been on hormones less than 2 years, Nikki's been on them almost 3 years AND was younger when she started them. No. Contest."

"No way," I laugh. "You're, like, immersed in girlishness! Your hair is longer, your boobs are bigger..."

"My bra is padded," Jacinta laughs, cupping her D-cup breasts. "Your hair is thicker, your waist is narrower..."

"Okay," Sarah says, interrupting the argument. "I hereby declare this girl-off to be a draw! A SIX-WAY draw!"

"Yeah!" Lauren cheers. "Girls! Girls! Girls!" I giggle as everyone- including the quiet, reserved Ophelia- joins in the chant. As we head down to our taxi, ready to hit the town, I feel renewed- as Jacinta said, I'm a lot further along on my 'journey' than she is, and she's been accepted as a girl without question by everyone- myself included.

However, as secure as I feel in my femininity, I can't shake the feeling that she's more desperate then I am to have a vagina...

Sarah and I eventually arrive home just after 2am, having consumed a lot of alcohol and danced until our feet are almost numb. I moan when Sarah's alarm wakes us both at 9am, but Sarah quickly shuts it off before cuddling her body close to mine and drifting back to sleep.

"Girls!" Beverly yells, waking myself and Sarah again as she bangs hard on Sarah's bedroom door. "It's 10:30! Time you were getting up!"

"Yes, mum," Sarah moans as she unwraps herself from my arms and pads into her shower. Once Sarah's had a chance to dry her hair I take her place in the shower, smiling as I emerge to see her applying a very light layer of make-up.

"Use it all up yesterday?" I ask, making Sarah giggle as I kiss her neck.

"It was worth it," Sarah says smugly. "Helped you remember who you REALLY are, didn't it?"

"I don't need make-up for that," I say. "I only need you."

"Aww," Sarah coos. "So you won't mind if I steal your lipstick, then?" I smile wickedly as I snatch the tube from Sarah's hands and apply layer after layer of it to my mouth. Immediately after putting the top back on the lipstick, Sarah leaps up and gives me a long, deep kiss, just like the one we'd shared yesterday morning.

"I love you so much," I whisper after our lips finally part.

"I love you too," Sarah whispers. "Oh, your phone went off while you were in the shower, think it's a new Facebook message."

"Bit odd, considering that I'll be seeing everyone at the party tonight," I muse, checking my phone to discover that the message isn't from any of my 'Angel' friends, but rather from a young woman I haven't spoken to in a while.

"Who's it from?" Sarah asks.

"Um, Laura," I reply. "You know, that teenaged T-girl I told you about, that me, Jamie and, um, Steph went to help out last year?"

"What does she want?" Sarah asks with confusion in her voice.

"Umm, think she's having problems with one of her friends again, wants to talk about it," I say. "I've got nothing planned for tomorrow so I've asked if she wants to talk then."

"Nothing planned except a massive hangover," Sarah teases. "AND it's the last day of the holidays, before I go back to uni..."

"Ah... Shit, sorry," I grimace. "I'll message her back, see if we can't chat over Facebook-"

"No, it's okay," Sarah giggles. "Your massive heart is part of why I love you so much, hehe!"

"And yours is why I love you so much," I giggle, giving Sarah a kiss before dressing for the day in a short grey skirt and a comfortable pink hoodie- and, of course, a liberal layer of make-up. Even though I'm technically working today, it's only to help set up for tonight's party, so I can afford to dress casually- at least, until the party gets started!

Sarah gives me a lift to Charlotte's house (which is, as ever, the venue for tonight's party) and I spend the whole afternoon making sure everything is in place for the party. As the party is for Adeola, who's a singer, the theme is going to be 'The Voice'. A makeshift stage has been erected in the room, and five swivel chairs have been placed so that their backs are to the stage (even though only four chairs will be used tonight), and everyone who isn't a member of Adeola's band is going to sing and be 'judged' by the band, and as such, I'm very pleased that Charlotte's bar has been fully stocked with alcohol!

Once everything is set up, I head up to Jamie's bedroom, which she's generously let me use to change into my party dress, but before I head up there I'm interrupted by the arrival of my fiancée and an unexpected guest- the same girl with whom I had a 'girl-off' last night.

"Oh, hey Jacinta!" I giggle, greeting the tall, brown-haired girl with air kisses. "Are you here for the party? Don't think I've seen you at any before..."

"I had a word with Adeola, and she said the more the merrier!" Sarah laughs. "Besides, I think you two might want to talk." I smile and nod as Sarah heads into the main room, whilst I lead Jacinta up to Jamie's bedroom.

"Ahh," Jacinta squeaks. "I know I've been here before, but it's always so cool!"

"It is," I giggle. "Of course, it's also a lot of hard work for yours truly..."

"Oh, you mean like the modelling you did on Tuesday?" Jacinta teases. "It's okay, god knows I would give literally ANYTHING to be a model. Don't care what I'm modelling, just as long as I'm being photographed and being sex-ay!"

"Even ultra-tight corsets?" I ask.

"Ugh, make me even MORE jealous, why don't you?" Jacinta laughs. "I know your fiancée declared last night's girl-off a draw, but I really, really don't get why you'd think I was girlier than you."

"I'm... Happy just to call it a draw," I giggle as I strip off my skirt and hoodie and pull on a slinky short-sleeved minidress that shows off plenty of cleavage and plenty of my smooth, toned legs.

"Oh, and just look at THOSE," Jacinta says as she stares at my legs. "I would give ANYTHING for legs like those."

"Give it your all at ballet class for three years and you will!" I giggle.

"And here I was thinking that the best things about that were wearing a leotard in public and getting to mingle with celebrities," Jacinta laughs. "I don't get how there's any way you wouldn't, you know, 'complete yourself', you know, with SRS?"

"...I dunno," I say. "I guess it's, like, I have everything I need in my life."

"Oh, rub THAT in as well," Jacinta says, making me giggle and give the brown-haired girl a quick hug.

"I dunno," I shrug. "I guess because I'm not into men, I'm only 'into' Sarah, it's not like my vagina would ever be, you know, 'used'..."

"Well, I wouldn't be so sure," Jacinta says. "Three years on oestrogen, I'm guessing you don't, you know, 'function' anymore?"

"...Maybe, maybe not," I mumble.

"I'll take that as a 'no'," Jacinta says. "Which means I assume you need, you know, 'help' in bed with Sarah? Not that there's anything wrong with that, of course, even though I don't 'do' girls myself..."

"Point?" I ask.

"Okay, sorry if this was a sensitive subject," Jacinta says. "But whatever 'help' you give Sarah, you know she'd be happy to, you know, 'give it to you' as well. Take it from someone who's been 'given' a lot of 'help'- you do NOT know what you're missing!"

"...Who says Sarah hasn't already 'helped' me?" I tease, playfully wiggling my backside as I head down to the party room, which is already starting to fill with guests. Jacinta's not wrong, of course, but the fact is that it would be a huge change, and change can affect different people in different ways- as I'm reminded when I see the fifth 'judge's chair' being wheeled away into a side room. There's no telling what change SRS would have on me, whether it'd make Sarah feel differently about me- or worse, whether it'd make me feel differently about her...

"Hey girls!" Jamie giggles as she approaches myself and Jacinta. "Oh hey, Jacinta! Glad you could make it tonight!"

"Oh, you could not drag me away from a proper Angel party!" Jacinta enthuses. "This is all SO cool..."

"Glad you approve," Jamie says. "Picked out your song yet?"

"Umm, I was just going to look down the list for one I recognise," I shrug.

"Same here," Jacinta laughs. "I am SO tone deaf it's not even funny. Going to get nice and pissed before I get up on stage!"

"Well if I were you," Jamie says, "I'd check out song number 63. After what we talked about a couple of days ago, I figured it'd probably do you some good, hehe!"

"Umm, okay, if you insist," I say, before heading to check the song list- and as Jamie predicted, song 63 does indeed put a smile on my lips.

An hour into the party, my name is called, and after a good luck kiss from Sarah, I coolly stride onto the stage, microphone in hand.

"Hello," Adeola- the birthday girl- says, her chair of course turned to face away from me. "And your name is?"

"My name is MISS Nikki Thomas," I say confidently. "I'm nineteen and I'm from London."

"What are you going to be singing for us?" Becca- Adeola's BFF- asks.

"Probably the most appropriate song I've heard in my entire life," I say, prompting giggles as the music starts. "Let's go girls. Come on!"

"I'm going out tonight," I sing. "I'm feelin' alright,
Gonna let it all hang out
Wanna make some noise-really raise my voice
Yeah, I wanna scream and shout
No inhibitions-make no conditions
Get a little outta line
I ain't gonna act politically correct
I only wanna have a good time

The best thing about being a woman
Is the prerogative to have a little fun

Oh, oh, oh, go totally crazy-forget I'm a lady
Men's shirts-short skirts
Oh, oh, oh, really go wild-yeah, doin' it in style
Oh, oh, oh, get in the action-feel the attraction
Colour my hair-do what I dare
Oh, oh, oh, I wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way I feel
Man! I feel like a woman!"

By the time my song finishes, all four 'judges' have turned to face me and are dancing along with the music- and more significantly, my mentor is stood at the back of the room with a very proud smile on her face.

"Told you so," Jamie says after I step off the stage to a huge round of applause. "They didn't all turn around for ME..." I giggle, before playfully sticking my tongue out at Jamie, eliciting giggles from her as well.

I spend the rest of the party snuggled next to Sarah on one of the room's many sofas, before heading back to Sarah's house just after 1am and quickly falling into a deep, dreamless sleep.

"Wake up, Shania!" Sarah coos in my ears as I turn my face to shield it from the morning sun.

"Mmph," I moan. "I should NOT have drank all that vodka before getting on stage..."

"Don't tell that to your teenaged friend when you see her today!" Sarah giggles. "Mentors are supposed to set a GOOD example, remember?"

"The best thing about being a woman," I say, "is the prerogative to have a little fun!"

"I'm not arguing with the 'fun' part, just the 'little' part," Sarah laughs. "Now get up, you can sleep in tomorrow, I can't!"

"So you can sleep in a little more today," I say, wrapping my arms around Sarah's slender waist.

"I'm going to," Sarah says. "You can have the shower first. Now up!"

"Yes ma'am," I sigh, rolling out of bed and showering away my hangover. I dress conservatively today- moderate make-up, a plain grey bodysuit, opaque tights, a dark purple sweater dress and low-heeled knee high boots, the sight of which make Sarah smile lustfully as I sigh at her for still being in bed.

"If you're not out of bed in 10 seconds," I say, "you don't get to lay so much as a finger on these boots!" I giggle as Sarah immediately whips back her sheets and all but jumps out of bed, giving me a long kiss (and crouching down for a long stroke of my boots) before showering, applying her make-up and dressing in a plain top and one of her own hand-made pleated black skirts.

"Gorgeous," I giggle, giving Sarah another kiss.

"So are you," Sarah giggles. "Did this girl-protégé-whatever of yours say what she wanted to talk about?"

"Umm, one of her friends," I shrug. "Think maybe she needs tips on how to deal with a bully, least I can do is share my so-called wisdom, heh!" Sarah smiles as we link hands and head down to her car. A short while later, we pull up outside a small Starbucks, inside which we find Laura, who's accompanied by three of her friends.

"Hey, hope we didn't keep you waiting long!" I say, smiling with pride at the grin on Laura's fourteen year old face- and the considerable change her body has seen since I saw her last year. Gone is the shy, insecure pre-pubescent girl, and in her place is a confident, tall- almost as tall as Sarah- young woman. In some of her comments on my Facebook page and YouTube videos, Laura's often told me what an inspiration I was to her- and looking at her now, I feel just like how I imagine Jamie must have felt when she saw me singing last night.

"No, we just got here," Laura says. "Thanks for agreeing to talk with me... I wouldn't have asked if I thought it was something I could handle myself."

"It's my pleasure," I say as I sit down with the young women, whilst Sarah orders our drinks. "You said you were having trouble with one of your friends?"

"Ugh, that's putting it mildly," one of Laura's friends- a tiny, brown-skinned girl- says in a mild Indian accent.

"Are- are they bullying you?" I ask in a cautious tone.

"Not- not quite," Laura says.

"Then... How can I help?" I ask, listening for the next twenty minutes as Laura details the problems she and her friends are having with their other friend, another transgendered girl called Ashley who's having difficulty coming out to her parents. I offer the usual advice and recommend the usual websites/helplines, most of which Laura already knows about, and also offer to intervene personally in case all else fails- which is almost certainly the reason Laura asked for my help in the first place.

Laura and her friends leave the Starbucks shortly after we finish our chat and assure me that they'll do all they can to help their friend, but before they go, Laura turns to me with an excited smile on her face.

"If we do need your help," the young blonde girl says coyly, "I'll make sure we ask before June!"

"Why June... Oh," I say as I realise that even here, I can't escape discussion of my SRS. "I'm not sure you're supposed to know details about that just yet, heh!"

"Why not?" Laura shrugs. "It's not like it's not going to happen to me. The second I turn eighteen, I'm booking my operation!"

"You're really THAT sure?" I ask.

"If I could have the operation tomorrow, I would," Laura says. "Don't you feel the same way? Aren't you, you know, excited?"

"I guess I'm more 'nervous' than 'excited'," I say. "Never really likes hospitals..."

"Oh, but it will be SO worth it," Laura gushes. "Being a girl is, like, a real gift, a real privilege, you know? Like, there are girls like us... Like Ashley... Who don't get to be like, you know, 'like us'."

"...That's definitely true," I say quietly.

"And so what if my stupid dad doesn't approve?" Laura spits. "It's my body, I'll, like, do whatever I want with it! And if I want to be 100% female, then that's what I'll be!"

"Yeah!" One of Laura's friends- a short, stocky girl with ginger hair- cheers. "Think your dad's here, Suri, we oughta go."

"It was nice meeting the two of you," the oldest of the four girls- presumably the older sister of the young Indian girl- says in a thick accent.

"Likewise," I say, offering limp handshakes to the four teenagers as they leave.

"...Even they think so," Sarah says as I let out a long, tired sigh and sit back in my chair.

"Ugh," I moan. "Can- can we just go home, please?" Sarah giggles, before giving me a kiss and leading me back to her car, and subsequently back to my house, where she spends the rest of the night either studying or transforming my old jeans into a (very cute) maxi skirt, which I happily 'model' for the rest of the night.

The following morning, as the alarm on Sarah's phone wakes us up, I smile wickedly as I hear my fiancée moan into her pillow.

"Revenge," I whisper, cuddling my sheets around me as Sarah sighs and gets out of bed.

"I'm going to wear one of my jumpsuits to uni today," Sarah says. "Either be out of bed before I'm out of the shower, or you don't get to touch ANYTHING the jumpsuit covers for a week, okay?"

"Really?" I ask. "That's your threat?"

"...Ugh, fine," Sarah moans.

"And stop moaning, everybody knows how much you love university," I laugh. Sarah lets out a light chuckle before heading into the shower, before returning to the room and, contrary to what she'd said, dresses in a short, long-sleeved dress instead of her jumpsuit. I smile as Sarah makes a show of pulling on a pair of knee-high boots over her translucent tights, just as I had yesterday morning.

"You know the rules," Sarah says, placing one boot on the bed next to me and stroking the soft faux leather material. I smile as I roll out of bed and head to the shower- but not before giving Sarah's boots a gentle caress first, of course!

By the time I'm out of the shower, Sarah has already left for university, but I still apply a full face of make-up anyway, followed by a comfortable long-sleeved grey bodysuit, a pair of thick black tights and the new skirt Sarah 'made' for me yesterday. When I head down to the living room, though, I squirm when I see dad sat in his usual chair with Jenny in his lap.

"Morning, Nikki," dad says as I sit down in my usual place in the sofa, crossing one leg over the other in a typically feminine manner. "Feels like I haven't seen you in ages... Is- is that, um, what you're wearing..."

"My skirt, you mean?" I ask, frowning as dad nods.

"Is it- is it the jeans we got you for Christmas last year?" Dad asks.

"Well, 2014, but yes," I say. "You know I hardly wear jeans anymore, dad."

"Right," dad mumbles, making me groan.

"Dad," I sigh. "We- we need to talk about this, we really do."

"I'm okay just letting you do your own thing, Nikki," dad says.

"Well I'm NOT okay having to tread on eggshells around the one person who should support me more than anything!" I retort.

"I DO support you," dad says with barely-concealed anger. "I've support you all throughout your transition, it's just- this 'final step', you know, it's a big step, not something you can simply undo..." Try telling that to your parents, I think to myself with a snort.

"I know," I say.

"...And do I question whether or not it's what you truly want," dad says.

"You said the same things about hormones, if I recall correctly," I say. "That was three years ago. Three years, zero regrets."

"Taking a pill is very different from having your- well, you know, can't say it in front of Jenny..." Dad mumbles.

"I know," I whisper.

"And yes, as a man, there's a part of me that feels squeamish about the whole thing," dad confesses. "Especially when it's happening to someone who was, for sixteen years, my little boy."

"Dad... Do- do you miss 'Nick'?" I ask.

"Every day," dad confesses, making my heart sink. "But that doesn't mean I don't love Nikki just as much. I've gone from having one son to having two daughters. Three, if you count Sarah. To any right-thinking person, that's a trade-up."

"But would going from having one son to having one daughter also be a trade-up?" I ask, my heart sinking further as dad pauses.

"It's certainly not a trade DOWN," dad says. "Any parent's job is to unconditionally love and support their child. And yes, I'd have preferred to go and see football games with you, to have gone for a pint in the pub, to talk about sport... But what you want is more important."

"Thank you," I whisper.

"You don't need to thank me," dad laughs. "I'm your dad. It's my job. And if you feel you need my blessing to have your operation, then I'll give it without any hesitation. As long as you're sure it's what you really want, and what you really need to make you happy."

"'Want' and 'need' aren't the same thing," I retort.

"Indeed they're not," dad says.

"I may not 'need' it..." I say. "But I do 'want' it. I've wanted to be a woman for my whole life, and by that I mean I want to experience everything associated with being a woman. Some things... Some things are obviously beyond what medical science can give me. But they CAN give me this. And I do truly want it."

"Then I guess I'd better set up a room that you can recover in," dad laughs. "As long as you don't, you know, dilate anywhere I can-"

"No danger of that!" I laugh. "How- WHY do you know about dilating, anyway?"

"I read up on the operation and post-operative care," dad shrugs. "It's something you'll need to know, therefore I'll need to know it as well."

"...You are the best dad in the world," I giggle, getting up and giving dad a long hug and a kiss on his cheek.

"When's the date of your operation again, June 21st?" Dad asks.

"Yep," I say. "The longest day..."

"Well I am going to ensure that you spend the whole of summer in total comfort," dad says. "If you want to be a full woman, Nikki, then that's what you'll be." And I do. I really, really do.

Ever since I started on my journey to become a woman, the 'final operation' has always seemed like a goal, a 'finishing line' I had to cross, and whilst that hasn't changed, this week has made me realise that whilst it is, in a way, an ending, it's also a beginning- the beginning of the life I've craved for the past nineteen years. Sure, some things will change. I'll change. But what won't change is the love of my friends, the love of my family... And the love of the woman with whom I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

Man, I feel more like a woman now than I have ever done. And in 64 days' time, I'll never feel like anything else ever again. And I can't wait!

"Miss Thomas?" I hear a voice call as my brain struggles against the darkness in which it's found itself. "Miss Thomas? Can you hear me?"

"Nikki?" Another voice- a familiar voice- asks.

"Mmph," I groan as sensation begins to return to my body, bringing with it a feeling of tiredness in my joints, fatigue in my muscles... And pain. Lots and lots of pain, centred mainly on my groin...

"Nikki?" Another voice asks, making my heart beat faster as I instantly identify the owner of the voice.

"Sarah?" I croak.

"Wake up, Nikki," Sarah whispers, her voice full of emotion as she squeezes my hand- my other hand stinging from the IV drip that's been pushed into it.

"Sarah?" I whisper again, opening my eyes to be greeted by the emotional- but still beautiful-face of my fiancée.

"It's me," Sarah replies. "Your mother's here as well."

"Mum?" I whisper.

"Welcome back to the land of the living," mum- the owner of the second voice I heard- whispers, wiping a tear from her eye.

"Where- where..." I moan as the pain grows more and more unbearable.

"Shh, shh," Sarah whispers, gently stroking my hair as a nurse fiddles with the machine my IV is hooked up to. "You're in the hospital, Nikki. Do you remember why?"

"The- the operation?" I ask, my mind fogging over yet again as painkillers flow through my veins.

"A complete success," mum says with a proud smile.

"You are now the proud owner of a brand-new vagina," Sarah says, making my heart beat faster as I contemplate the impact of her words.

"Wow..." I mouth, making Sarah giggle and kiss me on my cheek.

"Though you're still welcome to play with mine whenever you want!" Sarah whispers in my ear, before giving me another kiss. I try to relax in the bed- not easy when I'm in a lot of pain and my legs are in stirrups- as the enormity of the situation finally dawns on me.

I, the person born nineteen and a bit years ago as Nicholas Christopher Thomas, am now a fully anatomical woman. Well, not FULLY- I don't have any ovaries and I don't have a uterus, but I do have a labia, a clitoris, a vaginal canal... I AM now as female as it is physically possible for me to get.

From as early as I can remember, I've always dreamed about what it was like to be a girl. I'd fantasise about wearing a skirt to school, about hanging out with girls, gossiping, dancing, experimenting with hair, fashion and make-up... But it always seemed like a fantasy that could never come true.

Then, almost five years ago, I met Sarah- the woman who would change my life forever, and for the better. Suddenly, hair, fashion and make-up became a regular part of my life as I'd spend weekend after weekend dressed as 'Nikki', but I'd always dream about what it'd be like to never have to stop being 'Nikki'. And then, three years ago, I never did stop being Nikki, even after Sarah and I had entered into a sexual relationship.

My whole life for the past five years has felt like a long string of dreams coming true. Becoming a ballerina, becoming a model, a minor internet celebrity in my own right, gaining the female friends I longed for for so long, getting engaged... Living life, and loving life as a woman. And as of now, that journey is complete. My penis- the one thing anchoring me to my old life as a man- has been removed to make way for the genitals I SHOULD have. I have been metaphorically and literally cut free.

However, I know deep down that whilst this may seem like the end of a long journey, in truth, it's just the beginning of an even longer one.

After a few days in the hospital- it's hard to keep exact time with the pain medication I'm on- I'm taken to a recovery room, where I'm introduced to some of the hard work inherent with being a woman- especially a transsexual woman.

"Okay, nice and gentle," the nurse says as I take the heavily-lubricated plastic rod and gently ease it toward my still-sensitive area.

"Okay," I say, taking several deep breaths. "I can do this, this isn't a problem..." My hands shake, and have to be steadied by the nurse, as I gradually glide the rod toward my vaginal opening, and the second it touches the sensitive flesh, the shock is so great that I gasp and drop the rod onto the towel that's been laid out beneath me.

"Oh god," I gasp. "Oh god, oh god..."

"It's okay," the nurse says softly, retrieving the stent, cleaning it and re-lubricating it. "Take it nice and easy, one step at a time."

"Okay," I whisper. Once again, I gasp as the stent touches the entrance to my vagina, though this time, I hold it steady, and blink back tears as I slide it into myself, trying not to panic as the utterly alien feeling of the long, stiff intruder inside me. And it is truly INSIDE me... Even know it's only gone in a few inches, it feels almost like it's up inside my chest cavity. And I'm going to have to do this multiple times per day for the next six months, with stents a LOT bigger than the one I'm using now...

"I'm sorry," I say, flapping my hands as I try to calm myself down.

"It's okay, it's okay," the nurse coos. "If you need to cry, it's okay, just let it out..." Not needing to be told twice, I silently weep as the intruder remains inside me, only breathing a sigh of relief as it's gently excised minutes later.

"Would you like me to bring in your fiancée?" The nurse asks.

"Please," I say, hastily covering myself up and smiling as Sarah enters the room.

"Oh- god, Nikki," Sarah sighs. "Have you been crying?"

"...Maybe a little," I sigh. "Just dilated for the first time... God, it just feels WRONG."

"Having something long and firm pushed into your vagina?" Sarah asks with a twinkle in her eye. "Can't imagine what that must be like..."

"Oh- whatever," I sigh as Sarah giggles excitedly.

"Sooo..." Sarah teases. "When do I get to see it?"

"You've got the rest of your life to see it," I say, sticking my tongue out at my giggling fiancée. "And you're definitely not seeing it when it's all bloody and yucky..."

"You're telling me I don't know what it's like to have genitals that are bloody and yucky?" Sarah asks, before giggling again. "It's okay, I don't need to see it now. I plan on spending our wedding night BURIED in it, hehe!" I giggle as Sarah squeezes my hand supportively, though inside, I feel uneasy.

Sarah and I lost our virginity to each other a few days after our sixteenth birthday. At the time, I wasn't taking hormones, meaning that our intercourse was of the 'regular' heterosexual variety, with me as the man and Sarah as the woman... And I could tell that Sarah enjoyed it a lot. A short while later, I started taking oestrogen, diminishing both my sex drive and my ability to 'perform' as a man would... And I could tell that Sarah was disappointed by the change.

Of course, we adapted to the change, and grew adventurous with our sex life, including using 'external aids' to enhance our lovemaking, but deep down, I could tell that Sarah wished that she could just have regular sex with me again- and now, with my penis gone for good, the chances of that happening are precisely zero. Of course, I don't doubt that Sarah still loves me- but I can't help but feel that she's not as 'in love' with me as she was before my operation.

Over the next few days, I gradually get used to the sensation of dilating, though it takes me a while to not shed any tears whilst I dilate. Sarah finished her university studies for the year on the Friday after my operation, meaning that she spends virtually every waking moment at my bedside, but I still don't feel comfortable dilating around her- or even letting her see my new vagina. She stays at my bedside as my blood drain is removed- one of the single most painful experiences of my life, and one I'm not ashamed to admit left me in tears for several minutes afterwards- and as my catheter is removed, though she does agree to leave the room as I pee through my new equipment for the very first time- a sensation that makes my eyes go wide, especially at the knowledge that I'll be doing this several times a day for the rest of my life.

Finally, on Friday July 1st, I remove the short blue robe that has been my only 'clothing' for the past ten days, and gingerly slide my softest pair of cotton panties up my legs, taking several deep breaths to calm myself as the gusset gently clings to my new 'area'. After slipping on my softest bra, I pull a loose cotton sundress over my head, straightening it before slowly standing up and slipping my feet into a pair of flat, open-toed sandals.

"Miss Thomas?" My nurse asks, pushing a wheelchair into the room. "Would you like me to take you to the entrance?"

"I- I'd like to try walking, please," I say as Sarah takes my hand. After three ginger steps, however, it becomes very clear that there's no way I'll be able to walk all the way to the hospital entrance.

"It's okay, it's okay," the nurse whispers. "Just ease yourself down into the chair..." I blink back a couple of tears as I slowly sit down in the wheelchair.

"Godddd..." I moan. "This is so embarrassing..."

"What's so embarrassing?" Sarah chastises me. "You've just had a big operation, obviously you're going to be weaker than normal."

"I feel like a baby," I say. "Like I can't even walk properly..."

"Your fiancée’s telling the truth," the nurse says as she pushes me toward the hospital entrance. "You can't expect to be doing pirouettes overnight. Give it time, and stick to the exercise schedule your doctors gave you, and you WILL recover."

"I know," I sigh, forcing a smile on my face as I see my father waiting for me, grinning widely as he holds the rear door of his taxi open.

"Taxi for two gorgeous young women?" dad asks, making Sarah and I giggle.

"Thanks, dad," I laugh as Sarah helps me into the car. “Please tell me we’re not going over any speed bumps on the way home?”

“It will so smooth, you’ll feel like you’re on a magic carpet,” dad reassures me, but I still feel every tiny bump en route to our house, where I shed yet more tears at the sight that awaits me.

Draped on the outside of the house is a large pink banner that reads ‘welcome home’, and underneath the banner are all my friends- literally ALL of them. Katie, Lauren, Jacinta and Ophelia are all here, as are all six of the Angels, along with (where applicable) their husbands, boyfriends and children. Becca and Adeola from out of Heaven are also here, as are Zoe (Krystie’s business partner) and her partner Natalie. At the very front of the crowd, though, with a wide grin on their faces, are my mother and my baby sister, both of whom greet me with gentle hugs as I step out of dad’s car.

“Hi mum!” I sob, wiping away tears of happiness before turning my attention to my giggling infant sister. “Hey there, cutie! Did you miss your big sis?” Jenny’s excited laugh tells me that that she did indeed miss me as much as I missed her.

“Sure, we ALL missed our sister the last week and a half!” Mary- one of the Angels- laughs as she slowly walks toward me, clutching her own tiny daughter. “Think this little one and your sister are already BFFs, heh!”

“Good,” I giggle as Jenny and Mary’s daughter playfully laugh at each other.

“D’you need a hand with your bags?” Mary asks, making me chuckle.

“Really?” I ask the six and a half month pregnant woman. “In your condition?”

“I wasn’t offering to do it myself,” Mary laughs. “Dan! Get over here!” I giggle as Mary’s husband- accompanied by two of the other ‘husbands and boyfriends’- arrives to take my luggage into the house as I share hugs with all of my other friends. As Mary walks away, though, I can’t help but notice that despite her condition, she’s still walking more easily then me…

“Speech!” One of the men in the crowd yells as I approach my front door, making me groan and laugh.

“They did come all this way just to see you…” Sarah whispers in my ear, barely suppressing a giggle.

“Oh- okay,” I laugh, turning to face my friends. “Thank you all for coming, it really does mean a lot to me to know that I have such awesome friends! Obviously, I’m going to be off my feet for a while- a LONG while- but rest assured I’ll be back at work soon.”

“So I’m expected to get my own coffee for the next few weeks?” Hannah pouts- or rather, attempts to pout, as her eyes give away the fact that she’s having a REALLY hard time keeping a straight face…

“Yes,” I say, making Hannah lose her composure. “Yes you are expected to get your own coffee!”

“Hardly the greatest hardship in the world,” Jamie laughs as she approaches me and gives me a long hug. “Wish I could stick around and help you get settled in, but work calls…”

“It’s okay, I got this,” Sarah giggles.

“I’ll be back before you miss me,” I say to the assembled crowd. “Don’t party too hard without me!”

“No promises!” Katie yells, making the crowd laugh as they slowly disperse. I head into the house, accompanied by my parents, my sister and my fiancée, where I sigh and shed yet more tears- the living room is just as decorated as the outside of the house, and on my usual spot on the sofa is a huge pile of gift, each of which has been wrapped in bright pink wrapping paper. In the middle of the living room floor, which is normally occupied by Jenny’s many toys, is an inflatable mattress, onto which I slowly lower myself- or rather, it’s Sarah and dad doing the lowering, as my arms and legs are still barely able to support any of my weight.

“Come on, get opening!” Sarah giggles as she lays down next to me on the airbed and hands me a present.

“I didn’t get this many presents for my birthday,” I laugh as I open the gifts- most of which are clothes and make-up, a few of which (given by Katie and Lauren) are gag gifts like feminine hygiene products. By the time I’ve opened my last present, I’m that exhausted that I’m forced to lay down on the mattress to try to get my breath back- an action that Sarah takes as an invitation to lay down next to me.

“Of course,” Sarah says with a smile, “the greatest gift is the one the doctors gave you…”

“Yeah, this is definitely true,” I giggle as I try to get comfortable. “Wish it didn’t still ache so much, though…”

“Give it a few weeks and it’ll be fine,” Sarah says. “And you know this for an absolute fact. How many times have you read Jamie’s post-operation blog?”

“Several hundred times,” I sigh. “There’s a big difference between reading about it and experiencing it, though. Much bigger than I was expecting…”

“If anyone can get through this, you can,” Sarah whispers, gently kissing me on my forehead. “This is what you’ve always dreamed of, don’t forget that.”

“I know,” I say. “Sarah… When we first, you know…”

“’Had sex’?” Sarah asks. “Why so coy? Your parents are in the kitchen, so’s Jenny…”

“I know,” I sigh. “It’s just- gah, I dunno…”

“Ask your question,” Sarah whispers, kissing me on the forehead again.

“When we did it for the first time,” I whisper. “Did- did it- did it hurt you?” I grimace as the smile fades from Sarah’s face, replaced by a look of contemplation. Is she remembering back to when we first made love? Worse yet, is she missing it?

“A little,” Sarah whispers. “But only a little, and only at first.”

“I- I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“Sorry for having sex with me when I basically demanded it time after time?” Sarah asks, making me giggle. “Nikki, you have nothing to apologise to me for, least of all that!”

“No, but I have everything to be thankful to you for,” I whisper, returning the kisses Sarah gave me earlier. “None of this- literally none- would have happened without you.”

“Well then,” Sarah says with a wicked grin. “I think I’m due a reward, right?”

“They didn’t operate on my tongue,” I coo, making Sarah giggle devilishly.

“I was thinking more of ‘looking’, rather than ‘touching’…”

“Ehh…” I grimace. “It- it’s still not pretty down there, there’s still quite a bit of bruising, even on my thighs…”

“S’okay,” Sarah shrugs, trying (and failing) to hide her disappointment. “I can wait a little longer…”

“And on that note…” I say quietly, pulling one of my stents out of my hospital bag. “I kinda… There’s a reason my family’s all in the kitchen, heh.”

“…Okay,” Sarah whispers, this time not even bothering to hide her disappointment as she stands up, straightens her dress and joins my family in my kitchen. I sigh as I cover the stent with a generous dollop of lubricating jelly, which causes me to gasp as it touches the entrance of my new opening. I have to blink back tears as I push the stent deeper inside me, before breathing a sigh of relief as it reaches the black dot that has been marked on its side.

After removing the stent, I head into our house’s downstairs toilet (desperately trying to hide the stent from my family, especially Jenny, as I limp through the kitchen) where I sterilise the stent and wash my hands. Whilst in the toilet, I take the opportunity to make use of the facilities.

Still slightly panicky, I take a deep breath as I slowly lower myself onto the toilet seat, musing that I haven't stood up to pee in many years- since even before I started transitioning, in fact. As always, the feeling of the urine passing my new opening causes me to shiver, as does the sensation of wiping myself clean, taking care not to aggravate any of my stitches before rearranging my panties and heading back through the kitchen, trying to ignore the concerned stares of my family.

I spend most of the afternoon and the evening on my airbed. Fortunately, with it being July, it stays nice and warm throughout the evening, meaning I don’t need to cover any part of my body- especially my bare legs- with any additional layers. By the time 8pm rolls around, however, I’m so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.

“Worn out already?” Dad teases as I stifle a yawn. “I’m not surprised, you’ve gone through a lot lately. Though any other week you’d be upstairs spending the next two hours getting ready to hit the town, heh!”

“Oh- really?” I ask, confused. “Is it really Friday today?”

“You lost THAT much track of time in hospital?” Mum asks.

“Well, no- well, yeah, I guess,” I sigh, before looking up at Sarah. “You- you gonna be heading out tonight?”

“What, seriously?” Sarah laughs. “I only just get you back after ten days in hospital, you think I’m just going to abandon you now to go out on the lash?”

“Umm… It’s not like I’m good for doing anything right now?” I retort. “I’m half-asleep at 8pm, I can’t be any fun to be around…”

“I don’t care,” Sarah says. “I. Do. Not. Care. I love you, and I am staying with you for as long it takes you to get better. I’m not going out again unless it’s with you.”

“...Thanks,” I mumble, though deep down, I can’t help but feel guilty that I’m keeping Sarah in tonight when I know she’d rather be out having fun.

My feeling of guilt only grows as I head to bed a short while later, after first dilating and taking a shallow bath (and taking about fifteen minutes to climb a flight of stairs). I sleep in my own bed, but as I need additional space to get comfortable (and Sarah is an unbelievably restless sleeper), Sarah has to sleep on the air mattress downstairs. She doesn’t complain, of course- she says she’s just happy to sleep in sheets that have had my scent rubbed into them all day- but it’s obvious that she badly wishes she was in bed with me. Almost as badly as I wish she was in bed with me…

“Do you, Nicola Christine Thomas,” the minister asks. “Take this woman, Sarah Jennifer Phillips, to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do,” I whisper.

“And do you, Sarah Jennifer Phillips,” the minister asks. “Take this woman, Nicola Christine Thomas, to be your lawfully wedded vagina?” I maintain the smile on my face as the minister says the unexpected word, though the confusion it’s causing on Sarah’s face is making my panic levels rise higher and higher as she refuses to answer the question…

“Aah!” I gasp as I wake with a start, my face and body covered with a fine sheen of sweat. I take several deep breaths to calm myself down, before throwing back the covers and allowing the morning air to cool down my overheating body. I carefully remove my panties and grab a make-up mirror from my bedside table, holding it so that I can see my new crotch- which I still have a hard time believing is mine.

Rather than attempt to get back to sleep, I perform my first dilation of the day before heading to the bathroom to douche myself and thoroughly wash my entire body.

“Feminine hygiene indeed,” I mumble as I clean and sterilise my douche, before waking up my dad to help me limp downstairs, where we find Sarah already awake and sat on the sofa.

“Your throne awaits you, my queen,” Sarah giggles as she gestures toward the freshly-made airbed.

“Why thank you, my queen,” I reply in a fake posh voice that makes Sarah giggle happily. “Got anything planned for today?”

“Only watching you do your thing,” Sarah says, making me bristle. “Umm… By which I DON’T mean dilating, umm…”

“It’s fine,” I say with a smile. “I’ve already done my first for today, heh.”

“More importantly,” Sarah giggles, “what have you got planned for today?”

“Rubbing my scent into these sheets all day,” I say with a sly grin that makes Sarah giggle so much that she jumps off of the sofa and gives me a quick kiss.

“God, I love you so much,” Sarah sighs as she sits back down. “That won’t change if I see a part of you covered in bruises and stitches, you know.”

“Even THAT area?” I ask.

“ESPECIALLY that area,” Sarah says with a warm smile. “But if you’re not comfortable, umm, you know…”

“I’m still trying to get used to seeing it myself,” I mumble. “I mean, yes, I’ve had months to prepare for it, I wore those latex prosthetic things Jamie recommended I buy, but-“

“I know,” Sarah whispers. “You just relax and get your strength back, okay?”

“Okay,” I whisper as I lay back and try to relax. It’s not long, however, before I receive my first visitor of the day- my mentor, who greets me with a gentle hug the second she lays eyes on me.

“Oh my god Nikki Nikki Nikki!” Jamie squeaks. “I am SO proud of you…”

“Thanks,” I laugh, returning Jamie’s hug. “Is Stuart not with you?”

“No,” Jamie sighs. “Got an appointment to talk through part 3 of his own SRS, heh.”

“It’s kind of unfair that it’s so much more complicated for him than it is for us,” I say. “He has to have more operations, the recovery period is longer… For us, relatively speaking, anyway, it’s just ‘snip snip’ and we’re done.”

“Not that it’s ALL fun and games for us,” Jamie says.

“Oh, believe me, I know that’s DEFINITELY true,” I say, making Jamie and Sarah both laugh as I twirl one of my stents in my fingers.

“And Stuart’s SRS is maybe a cautionary tale not to want to, you know, have it put back on?” Sarah asks, making me grimace as Jamie and I stare at each other awkwardly.

“Not that there’s any danger of THAT happening, right?” Jamie asks, breaking the tension.

“HELL no,” I say as I fidget on my mattress. “I’ve dreamed about this for so long… Never imagined it aching so much, though.”

“It’ll pass,” Jamie says dismissively. “And quickly, too- within 3 months, mine felt like I’d had it my entire life. I honestly can’t remember what it was life to have, well, ‘not a vagina’.”

“There’d better not be a t-shirt that reads ‘I love my vagina’ in that shopping bag!” I giggle, pointing to the fancy bag my mentor brought with her into the house.

“No,” Jamie giggles. “Figured your parents probably wouldn’t want you wearing that around your sister, heh!”

“Think my dad’s the one who it’d affect the most,” I say, making Sarah and Jamie both double over with laughter.

“No, no, no,” Jamie laughs. “It IS a t-shirt, though…” I coo happily as Jamie produces the garment, which is a plain white t-shirt, on which is written the words ‘GIRL LIFE FOREVER’ in glittery pink script.

“That is so cool!” I giggle, slowly pulling the garment on over my dress. “And yes, I agree entirely!”

“And there’s one for you too, Sarah,” Jamie says, handing Sarah an identical t-shirt in her size. “Unless you’d prefer this one…” Sarah and I both sigh happily as Jamie produces two more t-shirts, this time in pink, with a bright red heart in the centre and cursive script that reads ‘Girl Love Forever’. “You think I didn’t notice that secret little ‘handshake’ you two do? It’s probably the cutest thing ever… So I figured I could spend a few extra quid on these, hehe!”

“They’re PERFECT,” Sarah says, pulling the ‘girl love’ t-shirt on over her loose dress.

“Everyone at the party tonight will be wearing them,” Jamie says, before her face suddenly turns sour. “All the girls, anyway, even those who HAVEN’T committed to a girl’s life forever…”

“Jamie,” I sigh, sussing immediately what- or rather, who- is the source of her darkening mood.

“Yes, I know, I shouldn’t judge other people,” Jamie sighs. “Still, I’m glad I had at least one protégé who was willing to listen to my advice!”

“You HAVE been a big help,” I say with a smile. “Just wish I could go to the party tonight…”

“Oh, Cinderella, you SHALL go to the ball,” Jamie teases. “Or rather, the ball shall come to you!”

“Umm…” I mumble. “We’re not going to get five people in this living room, let alone the twenty-five we usually get…”

“Hence why I brought this,” Jamie says, producing a very expensive webcam from her shopping bag. “The ball shall come to you… By Skype!”

“Oh, that is so cool!” Sarah squeaks. “Give it to me, I’ll set it up now!” I smile nervously as Sarah hooks the camera up to her laptop, which she then hooks up to our widescreen TV. As the image of the living room appears on the TV, however, my smile quickly fades.

“So…” I mumble. “The webcam’s going to be pointed up my dress all night?”

“Fine,” Sarah sighs, moving the webcam so that it’s pointed mostly at my side.

“And the two of you needn’t worry,” Jamie laughs. “It doesn’t look like THAT forever.”

“Whatever ‘that’ is, anyway…” Sarah mumbles, triggering another awkward silence.

“I, um, I should probably go,” Jamie mumbles, grabbing her bag. “Any questions, Nikki, just ask anytime. But I will say this- it WILL feel normal. Just give it time. And you’re so lucky to have the operation when you’re just nineteen… Most people don’t even begin transitioning until they’re a lot older. You’ve got a whole lifetime as an anatomical woman to look forward to. And trust me- it’s worth the wait!” I giggle as Jamie departs, leaving me alone with my fiancée.

“Nikki…” Sarah says hesitantly. “Why- um, I mean, do- do you have any regrets? You know, about the operation…”

“Umm, not really,” I say. “I mean, I wish it didn’t hurt so much, and the constant maintenance it needs sucks… But I’ve been living full-time as a woman for over three years. I never wanted to go back to being Nick, you know that… Do- do you regret me having it done?”

“No, of course not!” Sarah says, giving me a gentle cuddle. “Besides, it’s your body, you’re entitled to do what you want with it. I didn’t consult you before getting any of my piercings, did I?”

“Well- no, I guess not,” I say. “You know, on the topic of piercings, after Jamie had her operation, Krystie kinda got a piercing in her-“

“THAT is never, ever going to happen,” Sarah says, making me giggle happily. “Though if it made you more comfortable about showing me yours…”

“I will, I promise,” I sigh. “Soon. I just- I need-“

“-You need to get used to seeing it yourself, I get it,” Sarah says. “When’s your next dilation?”

“Umm, a couple of hours, why?” I ask.

“Just enough time for me to get comfortable, then,” Sarah laughs as she lays down next to me and wraps her arms around my torso. “There’s still plenty more girl for me to love without your vagina!” I giggle as I share a long, deep kiss with my fiancée, before settling down into her embrace.

I spend most of the afternoon laid on my sofa with mattress- when I don’t have to dilate, anyway- before shooing my parents out of the living room ahead of my ‘Skype party’. With Jenny staying overnight with our grandparents, we’ve been given permission for the party to last as long as we want- even though I know I’m going to be exhausted long before everyone else is.

Nonetheless, I have a smile on my face as a knock comes on our front door, which Sarah opens to reveal Katie and Lauren, wearing their ‘girl life forever’ t-shirts over their best party dresses. Both women are also fully made-up, almost as though they were heading out on the town afterwards.

“Going somewhere tonight?” I ask the two women.

“Nope,” Katie says smugly as she tips a bag of cosmetics onto the floor next to my airbed, whilst Lauren plugs in her hair straighteners. “Already got where I’m going!”

“This IS where the party is, isn’t it?” Lauren asks, wrapping a cape around my neck.

“Umm, sort-of,” I say.

“And this IS where the country’s girliest girlie of all is, isn’t it?” Katie giggles.

“Mirror, mirror, on the wall,” Lauren teases. “Who’s the girliest and most gorgeous of them all?”

“…Yeah,” I say, giggling excitedly as Katie applies a layer of make-up to my face that’s easily as thick as hers and Lauren’s, including a paler foundation than I normally wear, dark eyeshadow and blood-red lipstick. Once Lauren’s hair straighteners are warmed up, she uses them to make my naturally-wavy (and very long- longer than any of the other three girls) hair arrow-straight, framing my face beautifully, just like a fashion model. When I look at myself in the mirror, I gasp, awestruck at my reflection.

“Oh come on,” Katie giggles. “You’ve worn thicker make-up when we were doing shoots at college!”

“Yeah, but back then…” I say, before letting out a tired chuckle. “If you’re trying to make me feel as girly as possible… Mission accomplished!”

“No prizes for guessing what you mean by ‘back then’,” Katie laughs. “God… This is going to sound SO creepy, but can- can I-“

“No you may not!” Sarah says, trying (and failing) to disguise the firmness of her voice with a giggle and a grin. “At least, not until I’ve had my turn!”

“You haven’t even seen it yet?” Lauren asks. “Now that you’re, like, proper lesbians, I expected you to have already- well, you know…”

“Not for three months,” I sigh. “It needs time to heal. A LOT of time. That’s why I’m down here and barely moving, heh.”

“Still though,” Lauren says, “at least you now have ‘it’, right?”

“Right!” I say happily.

“It’s still so weird to think about ‘it’,” Katie sighs. “I mean, I just always thought of you as a girl anyway, but-“

“-But you always knew deep down I was different, and now I’m not?” I ask. “It’s okay.”

“It must’ve been a hundred times worse for you,” Lauren says. “I mean, as far as ‘weirdness’ goes, anyway.”

“You have NO idea,” I say, prompting a group giggle as Sarah logs into Skype and the four of us are greeted by a loud cheer from the party already in progress at Charlotte’s house.

“H- hi everyone,” I meekly say, earning more cheers as I wave.

“Hello Nikki!” Charlotte yells. “Hope we’re not keeping you up?”

“It’s Saturday night, that means we party!” I laugh, earning yet more cheers. In truth, though, I don’t feel a whole lot like partying, and after just ninety minutes or drinking non-alcoholic beverages and watching Sarah, Katie and Lauren dance around my living room, the Skype call is terminated and, with the girls’ assistance, I head upstairs for my daily shallow bath and final dilation of the day.

“Thank you so much for tonight, you awesome girlies!” I say with a happy giggle through the closed bathroom door. “I know it doesn’t seem like it because I’m SO knackered, but I really appreciate everything you’ve done.”

“It’s not every day one of our best friends fulfils a lifelong dream!” Lauren giggles.

“Are you two heading off to Charlotte’s now?” I ask.

“Why?” Katie asks. “This is where the party is, isn’t it?”

“Umm… Not really,” I reply. “This is where the sleepy girl who’s in a lot of pain is.”

“Hmm, that word, ‘sleep’…” Lauren teases, making the three women outside the bathroom all giggle excitedly.

“Chris?” Sarah shouts. “Can Katie and Lauren stay for a sleepover?”

“Sure,” dad yells, making me chuckle and roll my eyes. “Make sure they clear it with their mummies and daddies first!”

“You’d seriously rather be here?” I ask. “I’m getting into bed in, like, twenty minutes…”

“Reckon all three of us will fit on that air mattress?” Lauren asks.

“Shh, you’ll make Nikki jealous!” Sarah laughs. “You two can take the mattress, I’ll take the sofa, and we’ll Skype Nikki to sleep!”

“You guys- sorry, you GIRLIES are the absolute best!” I laugh as I get out of the bath, dry myself off and change into my short nightie, which earns wolf whistles from all three women as I exit the bathroom and do a slow twirl.

“GORGEOUS,” Sarah laughs, wrapping her arms around my neck and giving me a deep kiss. “Now get yourself into bed!”

“Yes, ma’am!” I giggle, returning Sarah’s kiss and climbing into bed with my iPad. As promised, Sarah, Katie and Lauren soon call me via Skype from the living room using the webcam Sarah set up, and we're even joined briefly by Jacinta and Ophelia from the former's home in Brighton (the two of them having gone home for the summer holiday). I eventually fall asleep giggling at the sight of the three women in their nighties singing and dancing- though every fibre of my being wishes I could be down there with them, rather than a prisoner of my own damaged body.

I wake up early on Sunday morning to discover that the Skype call is still going, even though the only thing happening on the screen is the rhythmic slow breathing of the three women in their respective ‘beds’. Rather than wake the three of them up, I quietly end the call and dilate, smiling as I muse on how increasingly ‘normal’ the act of pushing a stiff rod into my vagina is- and, more to the point, how increasingly ‘normal’ the mere fact of having a vagina is.

Once I’m done, I pull on yet another pair of soft panties and another short, loose sundress before heading downstairs. As I walk through the living room to the kitchen, though, my shuffling gait causes the room’s occupants to stir.

“Mmph,” Sarah moans as she slowly opens her eyes. “What- wh- Nikki? What the hell are you doing downstairs!?”

“…Getting breakfast?” I ask as Sarah’s near-hysteria wakes Katie and Lauren.

“You know you’re not supposed to come downstairs unassisted, not for the first week, anyway!” Sarah says as she assists me into the kitchen.

“I can walk down a fucking slight of stairs,” I giggle. “I’m feeling stronger every day.”

“There’s a difference between ‘stronger’ and ‘strong’,” Sarah sighs. “Have you dilated?”

“Yes, nurse,” I say, making my fiancée roll her eyes. “…I’m sorry, I just- I’m just kinda getting frustrated, you know?”

“I know you are,” Sarah sighs. “Maybe the sleepover was a bad idea…”

“No, it was a GREAT idea,” I laugh. “And when I’m better, we are SO having another one.”

“Damn right we are!” Lauren giggles as she sits down next to me and gives me a quick hug, with Katie soon following suit. “You know- ugh, this is gonna sound kinda weird, AGAIN, heh…”

“Go on,” I whisper.

“You- you don’t seem all that, you know, different,” Lauren mumbles. “You know, I was, like, expecting you to be all, well, different, you know, but you- you’re still just Nikki, you know?”

“Trust me, I FEEL different,” I say, sighing as Lauren blushes with embarrassment. “But I do know what you mean… Guess that means I was already super-girly before my operation, heh!”

“It’s almost like you didn’t even need the operation,” Katie says, leading to an awkward silence. “Umm… Forget I said that…”

“No, it’s okay,” I whisper. “I guess I didn’t ‘need’ it… I guess I didn’t really need hormones either, but I wanted it. I wanted it so, so badly… And now I have it!”

“It must be weird, not having anything, to, you know, look forward to,” Katie says. “I mean, you’re, like, ‘done’ now, aren’t you?”

“Well… I guess,” I say. “Though I wouldn’t say I don’t have anything to look forward to, especially with regard to experiencing life as a woman. I’ve got the whole experience of being a bride to look forward to, after all…” I smile as the table descends into a very loud mass giggle and talk of weddings, especially weddings and bridesmaids’ dresses.

Katie and Lauren depart shortly after mum and dad wake up, leaving me to assume my usual spot on my airbed, where I take the opportunity to relax (even if dad does ruin my relaxation by putting on highlights of the European Football Championships). The football goes off a short while later, though, when Grandpa Bill and Nanna Jean arrive, carrying a giggling Jenny in their arms.

“Aww,” mum sighs as she takes Jenny into her arms. “Finally got all my daughters back under the same roof!” My grandparents force out a laugh as they enter the house and see me laid on my airbed, though it’s very obvious- even after three years of getting used to me being their granddaughter- that their enthusiasm is forced.

“Hello, Nikki!” Nanna Jean says, leaning down to give me a gentle hug. “How are you feeling?”

“Still a little sore,” I say.

“So, Chris,” Grandpa Bill says, interrupting my conversation with my grandmother before it can continue. “You following Wimbledon this year?”

“Might do,” dad shrugs. “Between the football, tennis and the Olympics, we’ve got a lot of sport to look forward to!” I shrivel as Grandpa Bill briefly glances down at me, his meaning clear- the dad has a lot of sport to look forward to this summer, but he doesn’t have a son to look forward to watching it with- and now, he never will again.

My grandparents’ visit only last for forty-five minutes, but during that time, not a single word is exchanged about my operation. My grandparents haven’t even so much as brought me a gift…

I exchange another quick hug with my grandmother as she and Grandpa Bill depart a short while later (giving a lift to Sarah to go back to her house to get some clean clothes), though once they’re gone, I can’t help but let out a long, sad sigh.

“Don’t feel down,” mum says, crouching down beside me and giving me a much tighter hug than the one I received from my grandmother. “It’s-“

“Don’t say ‘it’s a big adjustment for them’,” I sigh. “They’ve had three years to adjust… One thing I’ve learned the last few days is just how little a difference the operation is to everyone else. Katie and Lauren don’t see me any differently than they did before, though I guess they never knew ‘Nick’…”

“Well I DID know Nick,” Mum says. “And when I look at you… Yes, I see a difference. I see a beautiful, strong young woman who I am so, so proud to call my daughter.”

“Thank you,” I sniffle as I lean into my mother’s embrace.

“And I know your sister’s really excited to have you home!” Mum giggles as dad returns from the kitchen with Jenny in his arms.

“When- when are you planning on telling her that her sister used to be her brother?” I ask. “I mean, it IS the sort of thing she’ll need to know, she’ll want to see old photos of the family, and I’m in a lot of them…”

“When we think she’s old enough to understand,” dad says. “Probably after she starts primary school. I mean, it’s not like it’s the sort of thing we have to hide from her, or the sort of thing she needs quote-unquote protecting from… But we don’t want her to get too confused, like, we don’t want her to ask to meet ‘Nick’, you understand?”

“Oh yeah, yeah I understand,” I say. “Some of the transgendered kids I help out have younger siblings, some parents are actually using that as an excuse to prevent them from transitioning.”

“Wouldn’t that be damaging to the transgendered kid, though?” Dad asks.

“Oh, almost certainly,” I say. “God knows it’d have damaged me if you’d prevented me from transitioning when I came out.”

“Well, I’m glad the only ‘damage’ you’ve got right now is of the surgically-inflicted kind!” Dad laughs.

“That’s not ‘damage’, it’s ‘repair’,” I retort, sticking my tongue out at my laughing father. “At least, it will be once it’s healed…” I sigh as I lay back down on my airbed and try not to focus on the dulling but still very present pain in my most sensitive area. A second dilation session doesn’t help the pain, but the return of my fiancée definitely puts the smile back on my face, especially as she lays down next to me on my airbed and wraps her arms around my torso.

“…How many clothes exactly have you brought round?” I ask, looking at the large suitcase Sarah dropped in the entranceway.

“Well, I don’t know how long you’ll be off your feet,” Sarah giggles. “You said it might be over a month before you’re back to normal. And I don’t intend to let go of you until you are.”

“Thanks,” I giggle as I give my fiancée a kiss. “But you shouldn’t spend all day inside with me, I mean, you only just finished uni, it’s summer, it’s nice and hot outside, you should be-“

“I should be right here, with the woman I love,” Sarah says, placing her finger on my lips. “Who took time off work to look after me when I had my wisdoms out? Who cared for me when I was laid up for a week with flu? Who looks after me every month during my time of the month?”

“I don’t do those things to score points,” I say. “I do them because I love you.”

“And I’m looking after you because I. Love. You,” Sarah insists. “I don’t know how many times I have to say it.”

“I know I’ll never get tired of hearing it,” I say, making Sarah giggle.

“One thing’s for sure, too,” Sarah says. “If we ever adopt, we’ll BOTH make amazing mothers.”

“One thing at a time!” I laugh.

“Yeah, I guess,” Sarah giggles. “I mean, I haven’t even seen…”

“You will soon, I promise,” I sigh. “Once my stitches are out.”

“That could still be a while,” Sarah moans, before composing herself. “Nope, I promised you privacy, you’ll get privacy.”

“Thank you,” I whisper as I snuggle into Sarah’s embrace, where- with the exception of when I have to dilate- I remain for the rest of the day, before heading upstairs to once again sleep alone.

“Do you, Nicola Christine Thomas,” the minister asks, “take this woman, Sarah Jennifer Phillip, to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do,” I whisper.

“And do you, Sarah Jennifer Phillips,” the minister asks the woman stood opposite me in her pristine white wedding dress, “take this woman, Nicola Christine Thomas, to be your lawfully wedded wife?”

“I do,” Sarah whispers.

“I now pronounce you wife and wife,” the ministers announces as everyone in the church cheers loudly. “You may kiss the bride.” Sarah and I giggle excitedly as we lean in to kiss each other, but as our lips meet, the minister continues speaking. “You made the right choice, Nikki.”

Despite the dull ache in my groin, I have a wide, happy smile on my face as the sun streams through my curtains and wakes me from my slumber. After washing and dilating for the first time today, I head toward the top of the stairs, but before I step down the first stair, I change my mind and head back to my bedroom to grab my phone. I grin as I hit the first number on my speed dial, and the familiar opening bars of ‘Mickey’ by Toni Basil blare from downstairs.

“Mmph…” Sarah moans into the phone. “Nikki? Why are you calling from upstairs?”

“Because I need your help to get downstairs,” I say, grinning as the call is immediately terminated. Fifteen seconds later, my bedroom door is flung wide open to reveal my nightie-clad fiancée, who gives me a long, deep kiss before wrapping an arm around me and helping me down to the living room.

“Sooo…” Sarah teases. “Why have you gone from ‘proud, independent woman’ to ‘damsel in distress’ all of a sudden?”

“Because you were right about what you said yesterday,” I concede.

“About not being well enough to get downstairs by yourself?” Sarah asks.

“About everything you said,” I reply. “Sometimes… God, this is gonna sound silly, but…”

“No, go on,” Sarah whispers.

“Sometimes…” I grimace as Sarah lays me down on my airbed. “Sometimes- I kinda feel that, you know, you don’t love me as much as I-“

“Shut up,” Sarah orders with a clipped voice. “Now. Seriously, don’t EVER say that, Nikki.”

“I- I’m sorry,” I mumble, shedding a single tear as Sarah turns her back to me- a sure sign that I’ve made her cry too.

“I would ask ‘how can you say that’,” Sarah sniffles. “But sometimes… I kinda feel the same way too. Guess we’re both just insecure, heh.”

“These gorgeous things on our left hands should be proof to both of us, shouldn’t they?” I ask.

“Well, we’ll just have to put ANOTHER ring on those fingers, won’t we?” Sarah asks as she lays down next to me. “Nikki… You’re the only person I’ve ever loved. You’re the only person I ever WILL love. Literally, I think I’m physically incapable of loving anyone else the way I love you. Don’t ever doubt that. If I have to spend every second of the summer inside looking after you, then I will. And I will love every second of it.”

“Thank you,” I whisper, giving Sarah a long, slow kiss.

“Now in slightly LESS important news,” Sarah giggles, “your toenails are SERIOUSLY in need of some TLC!”

“You may be right,” I say, giggling as I stare at the chipped, worn purple polish on my toenails. Within seconds, Sarah is sat by my feet, repainting my toenails with a wide grin on her face. Her grin fades throughout the pedicure, though, as I constantly rearrange my dress to keep my sensitive ‘area’ hidden from her view.

“All done,” Sarah announces as I wiggle my new shiny toenails. “As gorgeous as the rest of you!”

“Thanks,” I say. “Want me to do yours?”

“Depends,” Sarah says. “Are you just talking about my toenails?”

“Cheeky,” I retort, making Sarah giggle excitedly.

“I’m going to get a drink,” Sarah announces. “Want anything?”

“Please,” I say. “Just a Diet Coke if there is one. Still need to get used to peeing through this thing…”

“Sure,” Sarah says, disappearing into the kitchen. Much to my surprise, when the kitchen door opens a few seconds later, it’s not my fiancée who emerges, but my mother, who sits down on the sofa, cradling my sister in her arms.

“Umm, hi mum,” I say. “Is- is Sarah still in-“

“Yes,” mum says, interrupting me. “Nikki… She’s really upset.” Tears form in the corners of my eyes and my heart sinks as mum tells me this- though I know, deep down, exactly why Sarah’s upset- and that I’m 100% to blame.

“I-“ I say, before sighing. “Mum… I can’t- I can’t show her, I just can’t…” I sniffle as my tears start freely flowing, and I only cry more as mum puts Jenny in her playpen before crouching down beside me and giving me a long, tender hug.

“What makes you think she’s love you any less?” Mum asks. “What makes you think that it’s so big a change, considering how much you’ve changed over the last three years?”

“Yeah, well-“ I sob. “That- that was gradual, this change is big, too big-“

“Nikki,” mum whispers. “If Sarah truly loves you, she’ll accept you regardless of how you look.”

“But-“ I stammer, before sighing. But what if she doesn’t truly love me? I think to myself. What a question to ask, especially after what Sarah just said.

“No buts?” Mum asks after I pause, smirking as I shake my head. “I thought not.”

“Can- can I show you first?” I ask in a quiet, timid voice that makes me feel like I’m four years old again.

“Of course you can,” mum whispers, and my cheeks burn with embarrassment as I lower my panties, exposing my scarred, sensitive ‘area’ to my mother.

“You look… Perfectly fine,” mum says as I hastily rearrange my knickers. “Yes, there are a lot of stitches right now, but that’s exactly what it is- right now. They’ll be removed soon. The scarring will fade. And all that will be left is a beautiful young woman with her whole future ahead of her.”

“Thanks,” I sniff. “Can- can you help me upstairs, please?”

“Of course,” mum whispers, helping me off my airbed and up the stairs to my bedroom, where I strip off all my clothes and lay on my bed stark naked. After taking several deep breaths, I once again reach for my phone, giggling as I again hear ‘Mickey’ playing downstairs.

“Nikki?” Sarah asks with a stoic voice, obviously trying to disguise how upset she is. “What is it, where are you? I’ve got your drink…”

“I’m in my room,” I say. “Can you come upstairs, please?”

“Umm, okay,” Sarah says, ending the call. I take several more nervous breaths as I hear Sarah walk upstairs, nearly hyperventilating as my bedroom door opens and Sarah’s jaw drops as she stares at my naked form.

“H-hi,” I stutter. “Could- could you shut the door, please?” Sarah- on the verge of hyperventilating herself- quickly shuts the door, before sitting down on the edge of my bed, her eyes seemingly locked onto my ‘area’.

“It’s not very pretty, is it?” I grimace.

“…I think it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Sarah says sincerely. “As are you.”

“You- you’re just saying that,” I sigh.

“I’m saying that because I really believe it,” Sarah whispers, leaning in to give me a gentle kiss on my lips. “Thank you. I know this wasn’t easy for you, but there was no need to be so self-conscious. It doesn’t matter you have down there, how many stitches or scars you have. As long as it’s attached to you, then no matter what it is, I’ll always think it’s the most beautiful thing in the world.” Sarah smiles as tears start to well in both of our eyes.

“I don’t know what I did to deserve a girlfriend as amazing as you,” I sniffle as I lean into Sarah’s waiting embrace. “And I’m so glad I had the operation.”

“So am I,” Sarah whispers. I smile as I remain in Sarah’s arms for what feels like a blissful eternity. For my entire adult-life, I’ve felt self-conscious everywhere I go- as a woman trapped in the body of a man, I always feared that I’d ‘stand out’, be found out by people, be mocked as a result… Wearing swimsuits or leotards without anything on top was always a nervous experience for me, but now, my nerves have been literally cut away- only to be replaced by other ‘nerves’, nerves about how the person I love the most would react to me.

However, as is so often the case with Sarah and my relationship, I needn’t have worried one bit. From the very first second I told Sarah about ‘Nikki’, almost five years ago, she’s done nothing but support me, by helping me be the girl I always wanted to be, by helping me come out to my parents, so I have no idea why I thought SRS would be any different. For as much as my life may be changing, one thing has always remained constant- my love for Sarah, and now I know beyond any doubt that her love for me will also never waver.

Now that I’m ‘complete’, the whole world of womanhood is mine to explore and enjoy to my fullest, and I intend to do just that- with the woman I love at my side every step of the way. I am Nikki- watch me soar!

“I, Nicola Christine Thomas,” I whisper as tears start to trickle from my eyes. “Take you, Sarah Jennifer Phillips…”

“Beep,” the minister says, derailing my train of thought. “Beep, beep, beep, beep….” I let out a long sigh as the pristine white veil of my wedding dress is replaced by the dark brown veil of my hair, which had flopped down in front of my face whilst I was sleeping.

“Morning,” I whisper to the beautiful girl whose face is the first thing I see every morning when I wake up- and whose own brown hair is, of course, tied back and away from her face.

“Morning,” Sarah mumbles, smiling as I lean in to give her a gentle wake-up kiss.

“Really?” I ask with a tired giggle. “Thought you’d already be up when I woke up, excited, ready to go…”

“After the last couple of weeks we had?” Sarah asks, making me giggle. “Though now I’m awake, no time to waste, hehe!” I smile as Sarah slides her naked body out of bed and pads over to her en-suite, whilst I reach into her nightstand for the small leather pouch I carry with me everywhere I go. As I slide the cold, lubricated tube into my still-new vagina, I take several deep breaths to prepare myself for the upcoming day, as both Sarah and I are about to start new eras in our lives- Sarah’s about to start her second year of university, whilst I’m about to start what is technically a new job- a new job I wasn’t expecting even as little as fourteen days ago.

The last two weeks have seen a huge upheaval in the lives of myself, Sarah and all of our friends. A new ‘supergroup’ of models debuted in direct competition to the Angels (and by extension, Heavenly Talent as a whole), and my friends… Didn’t exactly react well. It didn’t help that one of the members of the new ‘supergroup’ is none other than Dannii Samson, and disgust at her treachery immediately got passed onto myself and Sarah, even though we’ve both been victims of her treachery in the past. Friendships- some of them very old- began to splinter whilst other, new friendships were forged, and by the end of the two weeks I ended up no longer being the PA for the Angels, but instead being the PA for Out of Heaven- and I’m already eager to get stuck into my new role!

Perhaps more significantly, the last two weeks- last Wednesday, to be specific- almost marked the three month ‘anniversary’ of my SRS. In addition to meaning that I don’t have to dilate as much as I did before (though it’s still far too often for my liking), it also means that I’m medically cleared to have sex whenever I feel ready for it… Though that last point, ‘whenever I feel ready’, is proving to be a bit of a sticky point, pun not intended.

“All yours,” Sarah says as she emerges from the shower with a towel wrapped around her long, brown hair and another covering her torso but leaving her soft, shapely legs on display for me to sigh happily at. “When I say ‘all yours’, I mean the shower, not my body… Though obviously, that’s ‘all yours’ too!” I giggle as I wait for the alarm on my phone to sound, before removing my stent and heading to Sarah’s en-suite, where I sterilise my stent and shower, also emerging with a towel wrapped around my hair and another covering my torso but leaving my slender legs- shaped to perfection by years of dance classes- on display for Sarah to ogle the same way I ogled hers, though her ‘ogling’ quickly reaches a new level when she encircles my waist from behind and gently strokes the smooth, glistening skin on my thighs.

“Want to let me get dressed?” I ask, making Sarah giggle as she releases me to apply my make-up, before I pull on a comfortable bra and panty set, a soft white blouse, a pair of sheer black tights and one of my trademark short pencil skirts. Sarah, of course, dresses MUCH more extravagantly than me, being a fashion student and all- her underwear consists of a very sheer thong bodysuit, a pair of black holdup stockings and a short-sleeved blue minidress than she'd made over the summer. I make sure to drink down every tiniest detail of my fiancée’s body as she covers it in her beautiful clothing, and despite my clothes being more functional than beautiful, Sarah pays my body just as much attention as I'm paying to hers.

“Mmm…” Sarah giggles as I finish straightening my tights. “Just as sexy as naked! And speaking of…”

“…Yeah,” I sigh, making Sarah frown. “You know it’s not simply a case of ‘three months and I’m done’. Much as I wish it was…”

“I can wait,” Sarah whispers, trying hard to hide her disappointment. “Not like we were going to do it AFTER we got dressed anyway, hehe! But, you know, I DO have needs…”

“And I DO have ten fingers and a tongue,” I retort, making Sarah giggle devilishly.

“It’s not the same thing and you know it,” Sarah sighs. “But I knew this was the price… You tell me when you’re ready, okay? I’ll be ready then.”

“…Kinda implying there that you’re ALWAYS ready,” I tease.

“I’m in love with, and engaged to, the most beautiful girl in the world,” Sarah laughs. “Trust me, that’s a constant turn-on. Now come on! Don’t want to be late on your first day of work, do you?”

“Same goes for you and university,” I retort, making Sarah laugh even more. “Kinda wish I was going with you, haven’t had the chance to talk to Jacinta and Ophelia thanks to, well, obvious reasons.”

“I’ll pass on your love to them,” Sarah says as we head down the stairs to her car. “…And I wish you were coming with me too, but, well, yeah.”

“…Yeah,” I sigh. I know it’s not my fault that I’m not the most academic person in the world, but after Sarah drops me off at work, I can’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy as Sarah drives away to spend the rest of the day with her- no, OUR friends at university, no doubt returning with tales of her latest assignments or Ophelia’s latest eccentricity.

That’s not to say that I hate my job, of course, or that I won’t have plenty of tales of my own to tell when I return home, or even that I won’t spend the day amongst friends- a fact I’m quickly reminded of the instant I step into the agency and see the smiling faces of the three women I'll be assisting today. It’s just that every second I’m away from Sarah is, well, a second I’m away from Sarah, and that’s a hardship that should be obvious.

“Hey Nikki!” Stephanie squeaks as she greets me with a tight hug. “LOVE those heels!”

“Thanks!” I squeak as I pose in my stilettos. “Love your boots, too!”

“Aww, thanks!” Stephanie giggles as she playfully kicks one of her leather-clad lower legs back, much to the delight of the other two girls in the room. For months, I was told (and believed) that Stephanie was someone who was struggling with her gender identity, someone who hadn’t fully committed to life as a woman, but the more I see of her, the more I realise that that simply isn’t true.

“Hey Nikki!” Adeola says as she gives me her own tight hug. “Bex sends her love, wanted to be here but, you know, uni…”

“Yeah, I know all too well,” I laugh. “So she’s back at uni today, seeing all her friends again?”

“Well she skipped a year,” Adeola explains. “So she won’t be amongst ‘friends’, not the same people she started the course with… Doubt there’ll be anyone on her course who DOESN’T know who she is though, hehe! She’ll probably make a whole gang of new friends in the time it takes her to snap her fingers!”

“Yeah,” I laugh as I escort the three women to the recording studio where they’ll be taking turns singing throughout the day, whilst I keep them supplied with refreshments. Adeola undoubtedly meant well with her words, but all they do is serve to remind me of the time I'm apart from my fiancée- and the new friends she'll inevitably be making today. Last year, my jealousy of her uni life actually threatened out relationship, and it was only through becoming friends with Sarah's then-new friends that I was able to rise above it. Now that she's in her second year, Sarah's talked about getting more involved with the student union and the RAG group... And it's like what little time I get to spend with her has just got even smaller.

Fortunately, whenever she’s not recording, Stephanie entertains herself by chatting with me about literally any topic she can think of- the usual of fashion and make-up, as well as her friends; Lauren, the girl who left Out of Heaven the previous week; her new living arrangements with Kayla (another member of the band); and of course discussion of the physical side of transitioning, which Stephanie hasn’t begun yet but is eager to do so soon.

The day passes quickly, despite not being able to get away for lunch (Sarah’s university is two tube stops away so annoyingly, it isn’t really practical for us to meet up), and I head back to my house at 4:30pm feeling tired but satisfied at a hard day’s work. Working for Stephanie & co isn’t really any different from working for Jamie & co in terms of what I actually do- the main difference is that Out of Heaven are all around the same age as me, and all of them- even the very upper middle-class Becca- treat me as an equal, rather than an underling.

Nonetheless, it’s a relief when I finally walk through the front door to be greeted with a kiss from my fiancée, who is still wearing the beautiful dress (and presumably the beautiful lingerie) she wore to university. After tearing myself away from Sarah to dilate and change into a comfortable navel-bearing top and denim miniskirt, I head back down to the living room, where I make Sarah laugh by snuggling up to her on the sofa with my head in her lap.

“Stop that!” Sarah says, giving me a playful shove. “Your parents will be back soon, and that means Jenny will too…”

“All the more reason to enjoy all the snuggle time I can get,” I retort, before sighing as the front door opens, forcing me back into a seated position.

“Hello, girls!” Dad laughs as he walks through the door with my infant sister in his arms. “Say hi to your sister and sister-in-law, Jenny!” Sarah and I both giggle as Jenny waves at us with a wide, happy grin on her face.

“Okay then,” dad sighs as he sits down in his armchair. “Who was first back, again?”

“…I’ll get dinner on,” Sarah sighs as she stands up.

“No,” I say as I stand up alongside my fiancée. “WE’LL get dinner on.”

“If you’re doing Pot Noodles again I’ll have beef and tomato,” dad chuckles, only laughing harder as Sarah and I both stick our tongues out at him.

“So…” I tease as I warm up the oven. “How was everyone today?”

“By ‘everyone’ you mean ‘the girls we saw just a few days ago’, right?” Sarah retorts.

“Well… Yes, plus Jacinta and Ophelia,” I reply. “Barely had the chance to talk to them over the weekend. Is Ophelia sticking with dark purple hair this year?”

“Looks that way,” Sarah laughs. “Nearly made a bet with her that if her waist got under 20 inches, I’D go purple. Kinda glad I didn’t, heh.”

“I’m glad too,” I whisper as I brush a stray strand of beautiful brown hair away from Sarah’s face.

“…And how were Out of Heaven?” Sarah asks, making us both giggle.

“The three that were there were fine,” I answer. “Becca’s gone back to university to finish her final year so she won’t be around much…”

“She’s UAL as well, isn’t she?” Sarah asks. “A lot of the girls in the LGBT society are big fans of Out of Heaven. Well, mostly Steph, but they like the rest of the band too. A lot of guys do, too…”

“Huh,” I say. “You- you’re a member of the LGBT society?”

“Well I am ‘L’,” Sarah giggles as she gives me a gentle kiss. “Jacinta’s also a member, obviously. Is it really that surprising that I’d be in the LGBT society?”

“I- I dunno,” I sigh. “I guess… I guess I always thought, you know… You always said you were ‘Nikkisexual’.”

“And I AM,” Sarah insists.

“Do- do you find, you know, other women attractive?” I ask, making Sarah groan with frustration.

“Seriously, Nikki, we’ve been going out for five years and engaged for almost one. Why so insecure?” Sarah asks, making me groan.

“I know, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I sigh.

“Apology accepted,” Sarah whispers, kissing my slender neck from behind and having a quick play with my belly button. “But to answer your question, from a ‘look but don’t touch’ perspective, I can… ‘Appreciate’ the beauty of other women. And yes, other men- sorry, not OTHER men, JUST men. Because there are precisely ZERO men in this kitchen!”

“Lift my skirt if you want to be sure,” I tease, making Sarah giggle devilishly.

“Don’t tempt me,” Sarah laughs as she shoves a baking tray full of breaded chicken and chips into the oven. “Unless, of course, you’re ready…?”

“…Give it a few more days,” I say, making Sarah smile sympathetically. “I just want to be totally, 100% sure… I want it to be special, you know? Don’t want it to do more harm than good.”

“You want to be romanced,” Sarah giggles. “What GIRL doesn’t? And I guess it is our one-year anniversary a week today… Perfect time for ‘it’, right?”

“I guess,” I say as Sarah and I return to our sofa. “Dinner’ll be about twenty minutes.”

“Thanks,” dad says as he feeds Jenny her dinner. “Guess I’ll have to enjoy being waited on hand and foot while it lasts… How is the flat hunting going, anyway?”

“Ugh,” I spit. “Last couple of weeks kinda derailed it a bit…”

“I don’t doubt it,” dad chuckles. “Well, as I’m sure you know, there’s absolutely no rush, both of you are welcome to stay here as long as you need, or as long as you want. We’ve got three bedrooms, might as well make the most of them.”

“Nikki ‘bedroom tax dodger’ Thomas at your service!” I say, making dad roll his eyes.

“Nikki ‘beloved daughter’ Thomas,” dad retorts as he sets Jenny down in her playpen. “And don’t ever forget it!”

“…He DID go on Jeremy Kyle to stick up for you,” Sarah reminds me, and I let out a half-giggle, half-sigh as I approach my dad and give him a gentle hug and a kiss on his cheek.

“Thanks,” I whisper as I sit back down.

“I’m your father, it’s my job,” dad shrugs. “Though I do appreciate the kiss and the hug… I’m glad they’re becoming less and less weird, heh.”

“I am too,” I say. “Umm… Think dinner’s almost ready…” I try to hide my blushes as I fetch the meal out of the oven and dish it up for the three of us, though as I get ready for bed, it’s clear that I’m not able to hide anything from my fiancée.

“…What’s wrong, then?” Sarah asks as she removes her make-up. “You’ve hardly said a word since dinner.”

“Who says anything’s wrong?” I ask as I try to relax whilst dilating. “…Okay, okay… It’s just, you know… It’s hard to put into words. It’s just when you said you were in the LGBT society… I dunno.”

“I was in the LGBT society last year,” Sarah laughs. “It wasn’t such a big deal back then, was it?”

“Well, no,” I reply. “It’s- ugh. This whole world would be better if we just scrapped all these bloody initials and acronyms and categories and shit.”

“You will get NO argument from me,” Sarah laughs as she peels her bodysuit off of her slender body. “I take it, though, that you want to keep category ‘girl’?”

“HELL yeah,” I giggle as I snuggle under my warm sheets with my warm fiancée. As we press our warm, naked bodies together, I try to put my anxieties behind me- Sarah’s right in that we went through the exact same thing last year, and that proved beyond all doubt to me that Sarah loves me with her whole heart, as I love her with all of mine. The delicate diamond rings on both of our fingers are further proof of our devotion to each other.

“Do you, Nicola Christine Thomas,” the minister asks, “take this woman, Sarah Jennifer Phillips, to be your lawful wedded wife?”

“I do,” I whisper as I stare into Sarah’s beautiful blue eyes.

“And do you, Sarah Jennifer Phillips,” the minister asks my soon-to-be-wife, “take this woman, Nicola Christine Thomas, to be your lawful wedded wife?” My heart beats faster and I start to hyperventilate as Sarah hesitates before answering, instead looking behind me at the gathering crowd in her student union bar.

“…Sure,” Sarah shrugs, making me breathe a sigh of relief despite the nonchalance of her answer. As I lean in to kiss Sarah, the church/bar begins to melt away and we find ourselves in my bed at home, our hands exploring every inch of each other's bodies as I feel the most powerful orgasm I have ever had building up inside of me.

As the sheets are pulled over my head, I find myself feeling increasingly confused as the room grows darker and Sarah proves increasingly hard to hold onto, until eventually the sheet is lifted from my head and I find myself staring into my fiancée’s grinning face.

“…Did you just have a sex dream?” Sarah teases as she props herself up on one elbow.

“No,” I immediately retort, before letting out a long, tired sigh. “Yes…”

“Oh my god!” Sarah squeaks. “Please tell me it was me you were dreaming about…”

“Who else?” I ask, a smug grin spreading across my face as I give Sarah a long, deep kiss. “What time is it?”

“Still early,” Sarah whispers. “Plenty enough time to make your dream come true, if you’d like…”

“Uhh…” I sigh as I rub my thighs together and wince at the soreness. “…Can you let me dilate first, please?”

“…I’ll try not to get too jealous,” Sarah says with a smirk as she hands me the leather pouch with the stiff, plastic stents inside. “You know, I actually had a look online, they sell replacement dilating kits. Kinda tempted to pick one up for myself.”

“The ‘dilating kits’ you picked up for us from places like Amazon and Ann Summers aren’t enough for you?” I ask, making Sarah playfully hit me with a pillow.

“You know what I mean,” Sarah sighs as I slide the stiff rod into my vagina. “I’d kinda- kinda like to know what it’s like for you, to feel what you feel…”

“Sarah,” I laugh. “I’ve spent the whole of my life dreaming and fantasising about feeling what YOU feel. Why- why would you, you know, turn it around?”

“Because it’s YOU,” Sarah sighs happily. “I want us to share everything, you know that.”

“Sarah…” I sigh. “Have you bought a dilating kit of your own?” I can’t help but let out a soft giggle as Sarah blushes and removes an identical leather pouch to my own from her handbag.

“Like I said,” Sarah sighs as she removes the largest stent and slowly inserts it into her own vagina, “EVERYTHING.” I giggle as I stare at my and my fiancée’s lower halves- with the exception of some ugly (but thankfully, fading) scars on my groin and my hip bones being less pronounced, from the waist down, Sarah and I are totally identical. The erotic dream I had just now might not be coming true- but the dream I’ve dreamed for the past nineteen and a half years certainly has.

After Sarah and I finish dilating (or in Sarah’s case, ‘dilating’), we each sterilise our stents (taking care not to accidentally mix them up) before, showering, applying our make-up and getting dressed for the day. Naturally, after being inspired by Sarah’s look from yesterday, I start with an identical bodysuit to the one Sarah wore, giggling as the tiny strip of fabric nestles between my buttocks, before rolling a pair of sheer black hold-up stockings up each leg whilst Sarah watches on with a look of pure lust on her face.

With my underwear securely in place, I reach into my wardrobe for one of my favourite ‘smart’ dresses. It’s tight enough to show off my figure but not too tight as to be obscene, short enough to be playful but not long enough to still be professional-looking (and more importantly, cover my stocking tops). Naturally, Sarah can’t resist gently caressing my firm breasts as she zips my dress shut!

As with yesterday, Sarah drives us both to work, but before I leave the car, we spend several minutes exchanging long, deep kisses. I may have been the one who had the erotic dream, but it’s clearly turned Sarah on even more than it has me- and she clearly wants to ‘make my dream come true’ sooner rather than later.

Naturally, my dress gets plenty of comments and wolf whistles from the Out of Heaven girls throughout the day as I work hard to keep the three of them fed and watered, and I have a smile on my face when I leave the office at 4:30pm- a smile only gets wider when Sarah arrives in her car a few minutes later to drive me home.

“Hey, sexy legs!” Sarah coos, giving my nylon-covered thigh a firm squeeze before setting off. “Seriously, I’m glad all of Out of Heaven are straight, otherwise I’d be SERIOUSLY jealous, heh!”

“Believe me, you have nothing to worry about,” I laugh. “’Sarahsexual’ and proud!”

“Hehe!” Sarah giggles. “Speaking of ‘and proud’… I may… May have…”

“…Yes?” I ask, my chest starting to tighten with worry over Sarah’s uncharacteristic hesitation.

“I…” Sarah grimaces. “I’m the newest member of the committee of the university’s LGBT society... Kinda?”

“…Okay,” I say. “Umm, cool!”

“Really?” Sarah asks. “Because, you know, it means I’m gonna be at meetings a lot, we won’t get to spend as much time together…”

“I know,” I sigh. “But it’s important to you, which means it’s important to me, and if it’s what you want, then it’s what I want.”

“Thanks,” Sarah whispers. “I love you so much… I’m so lucky to have a fiancée like you.”

“Trust me, I’m the lucky one,” I giggle as I gesture to my short dress and dark stockings. “When are these meetings?”

“…Tuesday evenings,” Sarah grimaces.

“So tonight,” I say, letting out an involuntary sigh. “Nope, that’s okay, it’s one night a week-“

“And tonight is just a ‘get to know you’ session anyway,” Sarah says. “It’s in the student union bar… I might- might be able to get you in, you know, as a guest, if you’d like? I’m sure everyone there would be eager to meet you, think a couple might even be fans of your blog.”

“Sounds cool,” I say with a grin.

“Jacinta will be there too,” Sarah continues. “So will Ophelia.”

“Sarah, Sarah,” I laugh. “I’m sold, okay? It sounds like fun, and the more I get to know your friends, the better, right?”

“Well, um, okay,” Sarah says. “It’s just because of what you said yesterday about me being in the LGBT, you being all weird about it-“

“I’m still a little weird about it,” I grimace, making Sarah sigh sadly. “But I figure I can either sit at home and sulk, or I can support you. I know which I’d prefer you did if our positions were reversed.”

“…Seriously, I AM the luckiest girl in the world,” Sarah laughs. “We’ll be heading out just after dinner, okay?”

“Sounds good to me!” I giggle. “Gives me enough time to dilate and eat.”

“Gives US enough time to dilate and eat!” Sarah corrects me, making me roll my eyes. “You share in my life, I share in yours, remember?”

“…Are you sure you don’t just miss, well, ‘dilating’?” I ask with a grimace. “I mean, I’m not trying to accuse you or anything-“

“I’ve told you a million times,” Sarah laughs tiredly. “It doesn’t matter what ‘equipment’ you have, as long as it’s attached to you, THAT’s the important thing. I mean, okay, ‘sexy dilating’ for want of a better name- it- it feels nice, you know? But if you asked me a million times, I’ll give that up before I give you up.”

“Huh,” I say, smiling at Sarah’s explanation. “You know, it’s kinda weird, when I was discussing SRS with my doctors, they actually said there were options other than a full vaginoplasty that’d still give me, well, ‘smoothness’, the proper appearance when naked AND sexual function. Less scarring, too. Wouldn’t have to dilate, either.”

“Huh,” Sarah muses. “Why didn’t you go for it?”

“I want to experience everything you experience,” I shrug. “And by ‘you’ I mean, like, women in general, you know?”

“Yeah, think I get it,” Sarah says. “Though, I mean, you’re never going to, well, take an actual penis in your, umm, well, right?”

“Not with a flesh and blood one, anyway,” I say with a wicked grin as we arrive home and peel each other's clothes off before we both, once again, dilate.

After a quick dinner alone (mum and dad are at work, Jenny’s with our grandparents), Sarah and I head back upstairs to change ahead of our night out. With it being a student union bar, we skip our usual clubbing clothes in favour of something much more casual- a short, tatty denim skirt and university hoodie for Sarah, and a cute, short-legged and long-sleeved purple playsuit for me. As it’s a chilly evening, both of us also pull on thick black tights, followed by a pair of comfortable flats.

Despite my nerves at being in an unfamiliar place, I force a smile on my face as I enter the student union bar. After all, Sarah IS meeting up with a group of LGBT people, who she’s assured me will accept me unconditionally, and besides, I shouldn’t have any fear of being ‘found out’, as it’s not like I have anything to ‘find’ anymore.

“Hi!” Sarah coos happily as she greets one of the group, a shortish woman in her early twenties- presumably the chairman of the LGBT society- with a tight hug.

“Hey!” The girl giggles as she returns Sarah’s hug. “So… Is this the famous Nikki we keep hearing SO much about?”

“I am indeed!” I giggle as I give the short girl a hug.

“Nikki Thomas, Becky Hamilton, Becky Hamilton, Nikki Thomas!” Sarah introduces us through a fit of giggles. “Becky’s the chairman of our society.”

“Nice to meet you!” I giggle happily, my smile widening as Becky introduces me to the rest of the committee.

Before long, the ‘party’ is in full swing, the free-flowing drink helping to ease any tension I may have had, especially after Jacinta and Ophelia arrive and immediately make a beeline toward where I’m sat alongside Sarah and the other three transgendered members of the society- two young women named Annie and Petra, and a transman named Aaron (who I quickly deduce is in a relationship with Annie). Even though I’d never met any of them before, all three- even Aaron- greeted me like a lifelong friend, making me feel completely at ease around them.

“Hey Snikki!” Jacinta squeaks as she greets myself and my fiancée with a tight double hug. “See you’ve met the gang… Girls- and guy- you have NO idea how much of an inspiration this gorgeous young woman has been the past few months.”

“Thanks!” Sarah sarcastically giggles, earning tired chuckles from Jacinta and myself.

“Sorry, I meant to say gorgeous young WOMEN,” Jacinta laughs as she sits down and straightens her light, patterned tights. “Though frankly, I’m amazed they were able to come tonight, amazed that they were able to tear themselves away from each other!”

“Oh yes,” Petra says in her soft eastern European accent. “Three months post-op… We all know what THAT means, don’t we?”

“Oh- come on, some privacy, please?” I moan.

“What you do in the privacy of your bedroom is entirely your business,” Annie says. “Doesn’t mean we can’t gossip about it, though!”

“And believe me, SHE will,” Aaron laughs as Annie snuggles into his chest.

“Don’t assume that hitting the three month mark means that it’s magically all ready and ‘open for business’,” I retort, making the others all laugh at my double entendre. “People heal at different rates, some take longer than others, that’s all.”

“AND you’re only nineteen, right?” Annie asks.

“Yep,” I say, making Annie giggle. “Started oestrogen three and a bit years ago, surgery this June just gone. And yes, I know all too well just how lucky I am!”

“SO jealous,” Petra laughs. “Does- does it still hurt? Because I’m just thinking, like, for when I get mine…”

“It’s… Sensitive,” I say, grimacing slightly at the person nature of the question.

“You can say that again,” Sarah snorts, earning some quizzical stares from the other girls. “…What? So call me a prude, I’m uncomfortable with my fiancée’s vagina being the hot topic, that’s all.”

“…Sorry,” I mumble.

“S’okay,” Sarah shrugs. “I’m going to- I’m going to mingle a bit, okay? See you in a bit, babe.”

“Sure, babe,” I say, giving Sarah a kiss as she departs.

“…Sorry about that,” Petra mumbles, her cheeks reddening as she realises her faux pas. “I just- I’m getting my SRS next year, had a few questions…”

“Honestly, it’s okay,” I say. “Though it’s not usual for her to be that squeamish…” My train of thought is interrupted as three young men- who I recognise as being part of Becky’s earlier ‘posse’- approach our group.

“Oh, hey guys!” Jacinta squeaks, jumping up and greeting the three young men with air kisses. “Nikki, I’d like you to meet David, Carl and Jack, they’re all studying fashion journalism. Guys, you know most of the people here, but this… Is Nikki!” I giggle as the three men all excitedly approach me and greet me with the same air kisses with which they greeted Jacinta. It makes me feel a bit weird at first, greeting actual cisgender men with any form of intimacy, but when David and Carl sit down and immediately cuddle up to each other, it serves as a reminder that this IS a gathering of the LGBT society, which would obviously have a large ‘G’ membership.

“Hi guys,” I say with a grin. “Thanks for letting me ‘invade’ today…”

“Sister, you are welcome ANY time,” David says with an almost stereotypically camp accent.

“Who’d have thought,” Carl said with a girlish giggle, “that out of the nine of us at this table, the one with the purple hair and six inch waist would be the only one who’s cis and hetero?” I let out a good-natured chuckle as Jacinta gives the nervous-looking Ophelia- the cis and hetero girl Carl mentioned- a quick hug.

“Aww, stop that!” David chastises his boyfriend. “Ophelia, you are of course ALSO welcome anytime.”

“Thank you, David,” the purple-haired girl says in her quick, refined voice.

“So, Nikki,” Jack asks, his voice considerably less camp than his two friends’, “J-C- sorry, Jacinta tells me that you’re post-op now, is that right?”

“’Fraid so!” I say with a giggling sigh that makes the three men giggle. “Three months now.”

“We’ve already asked almost every question,” Petra laughs. “Think it’s sensitive, that area.”

“That’s okay,” David laughs. “You may have been able to guess… Vaginas don’t really interest me that much, hehe!”

“Not that we don’t want to get to know you, of course,” Carl reassures me. “Though I guess you get this a lot, right?”

“Umm… Not really, actually,” I say. “I don’t actually have that many male friends, come to think of it. Most of the time I just hang out with the Angels, really-“

“Ugh, rub THAT in, why don’t you?” David laughs. “Those six goddesses- well, seven now, if the rumours are to be believed…”

“Mm-mm,” Jack laughs. “I SWEAR that Viks girl could turn me! All the right curves in all the right places… Pity she’s married to that giant stud of a man. Now HE is welcome to ‘turn’ me any time he likes!”

“You have been single for TOO long!” David laughs at the blushing Jack.

“Well if you want to find him a sexy young man, you are looking in the WRONG place!” Jacinta giggles, before grimacing. “Uh, no offence, Aaron.”

“None taken,” the slender transman shrugs.

“Because HE’S taken!” Annie laughs as she squeezes her boyfriend tightly, making everyone at the table giggle happily.

I spend the rest of the informal party- which lasts until well past 10pm- hanging out with Jacinta and co at the ‘trans table’, gossiping about our lives and our work. I’m only forced to leave when Sarah comes to collect me (and because of my need to dilate before bed), and it’s only when we’re getting into her car to go home that I’m struck with a wave of guilt as I realise that I haven’t exchanged a single word with her since she left the ‘trans table’ to mingle.

“…Sorry,” I mumble as Sarah starts her car.

“’Sorry’!?” Sarah retorts. “Umm, why, exactly?”

“Sorry because I know you wanted us to spend time together tonight,” I sigh. “You’re the one who said we won’t get as much time together as we used to, and I spend it-“

“You spend it making new friends,” Sarah says with a smile. “It’s okay, Nikki, it’s kinda why you went anyway, isn’t it?”

“Umm, I guess…” I say. “You’re right to say that I didn’t spend it detailing every inch of my new ‘area’, though…”

“It’s an important topic to transgendered girls,” Sarah shrugs. “Girls like you need to have that, like, ‘support group’ type of thing. Like last Friday, when you told me you had that chat with Jamie, Steph and the new girl.”

“I suppose,” I say. “Transgendered topics kinda went off the table when David and his friends showed up.”

“Heh, yeah, I know them,” Sarah laughs. “Kinda big personalities, aren’t they?”

“Yeah,” I laugh. “You know, it’s weird, I got thinking that I don’t really have that many male friends… Was really odd greeting them by kissing their cheek, heh.”

“As long as you mean facial cheek!” Sarah laughs.

“Of course,” I retort with a stuck-out tongue. “I mean- ugh. I don’t know what I mean.”

“If I had to guess,” Sarah muses, “and it is very much a guess, you aren’t used to interacting with guys as a woman so you’re just finding your feet, learning how to interact with them.”

“And that’s a guess?” I ask, making Sarah giggle.

“It’s not like I’ve got that many male friends either, you know?” Sarah retorts. “Just something you get used to. Guys see a beautiful woman, they want to make a fuss. And you are very much a beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, girly woman!”

“…I am,” I say with a smug grin.

“So…” Sarah teases. “Will you want to come to the bar with me again? Even if you’ll have to interact with men?”

“Only as long as they’re cool men,” I say, making Sarah giggle. “But yeah, I’d like that.”

“Good,” Sarah giggles. “How about tomorrow night?”

“You won’t make your mum panic that you’re spending all your time in bars?” I ask.

“Not like she didn’t when she was at uni!” Sarah retorts, making us both laugh as we pull up in her driveway, and we both have difficulty suppressing our giggles as we say goodnight to Beverly on our way up to Sarah’s bedroom.

After dumping our clothes into Sarah’s laundry basket, we both dilate (it’s obvious by now that I’m not going to talk Sarah out of it) before snuggling up together under Sarah’s bedcovers. Before I fall asleep, I think back on the evening with a smile- Sarah and Jacinta’s friends are definitely cool, even the guys. Or is that ESPECIALLY the guys…?

“Morning, girlie!” Sarah teases as the sound of her phone’s alarm wakes us both from our slumber. “No sex dream last night, then?”

“No,” I moan as I open my eyes and stretch my tired muscles. “No dream at all… Makes a change, heh.” Sarah giggles happily as she gives me a kiss and heads to her shower, whilst I take the opportunity to dilate- by myself, for once.

After I take my turn in the shower, I apply my make-up and dress in my usual work clothes, a short black skirt and a crisp white blouse. Rather than wear yesterday’s ‘exotic’ underwear, today I opt for a very simple bra and panty set, along with a pair of opaque black tights- something that disappoints Sarah greatly, of course, and prompts her to strip off the bra and thong she’d pulled on in favour of another tight long-sleeved bodysuit, a very slender ankle-length skirt and a pair of boots with a very high platform heel. With her hair tied high atop her head, Sarah appears even taller than me as we walk down the stairs, taking care due to the height of Sarah’s heels and the tightness of her skirt. Naturally, the second we get in her car, we give each other a long, deep kiss, which we repeat as Sarah drops me off at the agency.

“Aww,” Adeola laughs as I walk into the recording studio. “Not wearing that amazing dress again?”

“What little there was of it,” Kayla teased. “Hell, it’d have been small on me!”

“What’s this?” Becca asks. “What have I missed NOW?”

“Our new PA wearing a tight, short dress that left VERY little to the imagination!” Adeola giggled.

“I thought you didn’t have anything to ‘imagine’ anyway?” Becca asks me with a giggle.

“And I thought I’ve spent an hour a week for at least the past year wearing a skin-tight leotard in front of you all,” I say, making the four members of the band giggle.

“Ugh, remind me of THAT,” Becca snorts. “Get Wednesdays as my day off from uni and the ballet lesson gets shifted to Thursdays. Oh well, always got Friday and Saturday nights to enjoy. Wearing something OTHER than a skin-tight leotard, of course!”

“Unless we’ve got an eighties party coming up, heh,” Stephanie laughs. “What’s your brother’s party tomorrow going to be, again?”

“Jon’s party?” Adeola asks. “Don’t think there’s really a ‘theme’. He’s a guy, he’s turning 27… It’s not, like, a ‘proper’ party. Not like any of ours!” I share a giggle with the four other girls as they head to their microphones to start their workday.

After three hours of beautiful harmonies, the four singers head into the antechamber next to the studio, where Becca begins a conversation I’m very familiar with.

“…So great to be back at university,” the brown-haired girl enthuses. “Didn’t realise just how much I’d missed it last year, hehe! Of course, it’s all different people on the course, my old friends all graduated last year, but, well, this is me, it’s not like I have trouble making new friends, hehe!”

“Sounds cool,” Stephanie giggled, before turning to me. “Hey, Nikki, did Sarah and your friends go back to uni this week?”

“Hmm?” I reply, surprised to be included in the superstars’ conversation. “Umm, yeah, went back on Monday. Sarah’s got onto the committee of the LGBT society, actually. Think Jacinta has too.”

“Oh, that’s cool,” Becca giggles. “Uni societies… I remember joining one in my second year, heh.”

“Umm… The LGBT society?” I ask, making Becca snort with laughter.

“Umm, no?” Becca retorts. “I’m not L, G, B or T, heh! Nah, I joined the music society. Then we founded Out of Heaven and I basically took it over, hehe! The LGBT society did look cool, though, they always seemed to have the greatest parties.”

“Umm, well obviously they’d have the gayest parties, heh!” Adeola giggled. “I assume when you say ‘gayest’ you mean that in a good way, right?”

“GREATEST, not ‘gayest’,” Becca corrected her BFF, who cringed with embarrassment. “And no, ‘gayest’ is most definitely NOT a bad thing! It’s not MY thing, but if it’s someone else’s, then that’s fine.”

“Damn right!” Adeola laughed, her embarrassment fading. A brief, awkward silence fills the room, which is broken when Adeola suddenly grabs Becca’s shoulder and gives her a long, sloppy kiss that leaves both girls in a fit of giggles- not to mention myself, Stephanie and Kayla!

“Oh god,” Becca laughs as she composes herself. “I’m flattered, but I’ll stick with my current boyfriend, thanks all the same! …Ah, sorry if we’re being a bit insensitive here, Nikki…”

“It’s fine, trust me!” I reply between giggles.

“God, can you imagine what the press would say if they saw that?” Adeola laughs. “Talk about having a field day…”

“Like they don’t already,” Stephanie snorts, earning a comforting hug from Kayla.

“And it’d probably give Uncle Joshua another heart attack,” Adeola sighs. “Good job we’re all at least straight, innit?”

“Yeah,” Stephanie laughs as we eat our lunches. “Um, no offence again, Nikki!”

“None taken again!” I giggle as talk moves onto Becca’s and Adeola’s boyfriends and I try to feign interest. The male life is one I left behind a long time ago and have no intention of ever returning to, regardless of last night’s sudden desire to make more male friends.

As usual, the recording session ends just after 4:30pm, and I leave the office building to find Sarah already sat in her car, waiting for my arrival. After exchanging a long, slow kiss with my fiancée, I fasten my seatbelt and let out a long, tired sigh.

“Long day?” Sarah asks with a chuckle.

“Meh, no longer than usual,” I sigh. “Looking forward to just crashing this evening.”

“Yeah,” Sarah grimaces, making me internally moan. “About that…”

“Seriously?” I ask. “On a Wednesday evening?”

“We’re not at uni on Thursdays,” Sarah shrugs. “And you did seem up for it yesterday. Don’t worry, we won’t stay out all night, I know you need your beauty sleep. Well, you need your sleep, anyway- you’re beautiful regardless of how much sleep you get!”

“Heh,” I chuckle. “Will it be the same gang as yesterday?”

“Some of them,” Sarah says. “It’s a course thing rather than an LGBT thing so Katie, Lauren, Jacinta and Ophelia will be there too. Speaking of Ophelia… She kinda… Kinda came back from Brighton with a few, well ‘gifts’ for us all. We’re heading to her and Jacinta’s flat after dinner to get ready.”

“Right…” I say. “And by ‘gifts’, exactly what do you mean?” I frown as a smug, knowing smile spreads across Sarah’s face.

Two hours later, I find myself stood in Jacinta and Ophelia’s living room with my arms raised high above my head, trying not to gasp as the torturously tight overbust corset wrapped around my waist is laced ever tighter by the also corset-clad Katie and Lauren.

“Don’t yank it!” Jacinta- whose waist is also severely constrained by one of Ophelia’s ‘gifts’- urges my two tormentors.

“Oh come on,” Lauren pleads. “She took, like, ten inches off my waist!”

“I took off six at the very most,” I complain. “And I actually listened to Jacinta and tightened it slowly, gradually. It’s not uncomfortable, is it?”

“Well… No,” Lauren mumbles. “But I’m lucky, I’m naturally curvy. You want the best curves you can get, don’t you?”

“Well… Yes,” I sigh, letting out a gasp as Lauren places one foot on my back and pulls at the corset’s laces as hard as she can.

“Okay, okay!” Jacinta pleads, taking the laces from Lauren and tying them into a tight bow. “That’ll do, seriously!” I laugh as Lauren pouts, before staring at my new tiny waist in the living room's full-length mirror. I've worn corsets before, sure, but this one is special. It's custom-made to fit me perfectly (Ophelia obviously has our measurements from Sarah & Lauren), and despite Katie & Lauren's 'enthusiasm' in lacing me in, sits really comfortably on my waist and my hips- the latter of which look a LOT curvier than normal.

“These corsets are AMAZING,” Katie sighs as she examines her own new, tiny waist. “Thank you SO much for these, Ophelia! They must’ve taken you all summer to make…”

“It was my pleasure,” Ophelia said. “Throughout the last year, you all showed me such wonderful acceptance and friendship that this token gesture was the least that I could do.” I giggle as I join the girls in thanking Ophelia with gentle hugs (as her corset has been tightened more than anyone’s), before pulling on my shiny nude tights and tiny black dress, which of course clings tightly to my new ‘enhanced’ figure. A cloud of perfume- which, of course, mingles with the other girls’ perfume- follows next, before I slip my feet into a pair of my highest stiletto heels.

“Are we ready, girls?” Jacinta asks as the six of us pose for a group selfie.

"Always," Sarah responds with a confident grin that makes me give her a tight hug and a long, loving kiss on her cheek before the six of us head downstairs and into our waiting taxi.

Before we head to our chosen club, the six of us stop off at the student union bar for some pre-club drinks, where we're joined by some of the group I met last night, including Annie, Aaron and Jack- but to my surprise, no David or Carl.

"Hey girlfriends!" Annie giggles as she greets us all with air kisses. "Oh, I LOVE what you've done with your waists! I wish I had a friend who made ME corsets..."

"Perhaps next year," Ophelia says with an aloof smile that makes Annie giggle as Aaron wraps an arm around her already-slender waist.

"So... What club are we going to?" Jacinta asks. "One with plenty of hot, single men, I hope?"

"A-men to that!" Jack giggles as the alcohol begins to loosen everyone up after three hard days of work.

Just over an hour and a half (and several drinks) later, the nine of us are dancing away in a nightclub known to be LGBT-friendly. Even though it's a Wednesday night, there are still plenty of people in the club, in particular plenty of the single young men Jack and Jacinta were looking for- though obviously, neither Sarah nor I pay any attention to them, instead dancing with each other all night (which comes as a very pleasant surprise to said single young men!).

Before too long, however, my feet tire from the dancing, and I retreat to our claimed table whilst Sarah gets another round of drinks. Sat alone at the table, much to my surprise, is Jack, whose face lights up when I sit down next to him.

"Hey Nikki!" Jack giggles. "Had enough dancing for the night?"

"Yeah, my feet are KILLING me," I laugh. "Why are you sat by yourself?"

"Same reason," Jack laughs, making me snort derisively.

"Uh, hello?" I say. "Are YOU wearing six inch heels?"

"Not TONIGHT," Jack retorts. "Nah, I broke my foot when I was fifteen doing karate... Not ever been much of a dancer 'cause of that."

"You- you do karate?" I ask.

"Reached the rank of first kyu before I stopped," Jack says with a proud grin. "Why so surprised? Just because I'm gay, I'm supposed to, oh I dunno, do flower arranging or something?"

"No, obviously I'm not saying THAT," I retort. "I- ugh. Let's assume it's the alcohol that's talking, okay?"

"Sure thing!" Jack laughs. "And for the record, I can't EVER see you doing anything the remotest bit masculine. You are 100% girl, through and through!"

"THANK you," I say with a smug grin. "Not seen any GUY you like the look of, then?"

"None that like the look of me," Jack sighs. "Club might be gay-friendly, doesn't make it a gay club. And I'm without my usual wingmen... Meh. I can go another night without a hot, muscular body to cuddle up to. How about you? Where's that adorable fiancée of yours?"

"Probably stuck in a mile-long queue at the bar," I sigh. "She did insist it was her turn to get the drinks, though."

"Ah, same-sex relationships," Jack laughs. "Though I take it you DO wait on Sarah hand and foot when it's your 'turn'?"

"Obviously," I reply. "Sarah gets sick a LOT so I usually have to play nursemaid... Which I'd enjoy even if I didn't wear the uniform, hehe!"

"Poor girl," Jack sighs. "About the sickness thing, not the naughty nurse thing, hehe! You ever get your own 'nurse'?"

"Only when I was recovering from my SRS," I say. "Don't get sick nearly as much as Sarah does. Pity, sometimes I'd kinda like to be treated like a queen, waited on hand and foot, 24/7..."

"Believe me, if you were single, EVERY guy in this bar would be queuing up to do that for you!" Jack laughs.

"...EVERY guy?" I ask, making Jack giggle bashfully.

"Well..." Jack teases, before clearing his throat as Sarah returns with our drinks.

"Ugh, that bar is HELL," Sarah sighs as she passes me my sweet-tasting cocktail. "Next round is on the BOY!"

"Oh sure," Jack playfully snorts. "Just sit back there and get the MEN to do all the work..."

"When you do all the work in a tight-laced corset and six inch heels, THEN you can complain, not before!" Sarah retorts, sticking her tongue out at the boy, who takes mock offence at her attitude as I try to suppress a giggle.

"Well I'm really very sorry somebody forced you to wear that terrible clothing at gunpoint," Jack says, making even Sarah giggle. "I only hope the person you're taking home tonight is worth all the effort you put in..."

"Oh trust me, she is!" Sarah laughs as she gives me a long, tight cuddle, though as we embrace, I can't help but notice Jack staring at us in a very odd way...

As Sarah promised, we only stay for another drink before heading home in a taxi (though not before each giving Jack a goodbye hug). Once we arrive home, we immediately head up to my bedroom (quietly so as not to wake Jenny or my parents, and obviously after taking our heels off first) where we both breathe long sighs of relief as we remove each other's corset.

"Oh. My. GOD," Sarah gasps as her waist is freed. "I mean, I love Ophelia and all, but- GOD!"

"Next time we go out, we leave the corsets at home?" I ask.

"You said it!" Sarah laughs as she removes her jewellery and her make-up whilst I take the opportunity to dilate. "We can also leave Aaron, Annie and Jack at home, if you'd prefer?"

"...They're cool," I say as my mind is drawn back to my conversation with Jack- specifically, the look in his eye at the end of it.

"I'm glad," Sarah says with a drunken, lop-sided grin. "I'm glad you're getting on with them, especially Jack, after what you said last night about male friends."

"Yeah," I whisper, smiling happily as Sarah climbs into bed and immediately cuddles up next to me. Before long- after having removed the stent first, obviously- I find my eyelids growing heavier and heavier as Sarah's soft snoring almost hypnotises me into my slumber...

"Do you, Sarah Jennifer Phillips," the minister says, "take this woman, Nicola Christine Thomas, to be your lawful wedded wife?"

"I do," Sarah whispers as she looks me in the eye.

"And do you, Nicola Christine Thomas," the minister asks, turning to me, "take this man, Jack Reeves, to be your lawful wedded husband?"

"I do," I whisper as I smile at the tall, handsome man, who leans in to give me a long, passionate kiss that quickly sees us falling into bed together. I gasp as his expert finger stroke my rock-hard nipples, before nearly hyperventilating in anticipation as his wide, firm penis probes the entrance to my new vagina, slowly sliding in further and further until-

"Aah!" I gasp, my eyes shooting open as I try to catch my breath while Sarah giggles devilishly.

"Twice in the space of three nights?" Sarah teases, reaching a hand beneath the bedcovers to gently stroke my tingling labia. "Think your subconscious is trying to tell you something..." God, I hope not, I think as the guilt caused by the dream begins to overwhelm me.

"Umm, maybe," I mumble as I remove Sarah's hand from my groin, much to her confusion.

"Signals seem pretty clear to me," Sarah shrugs. "Good job it's supposed to be dry down there or we'd be sleeping in a water bed, hehe!"

"Yeah," I gasp as I get up and head toward the bathroom, where I take a long, hot shower to try to melt away my tension. Why am I suddenly having erotic dreams about a guy I barely know? HOW am I having these dreams? I love Sarah, she's the only one I love, the only one I need, the only one I'll ever need... Isn't she?

After I dry myself, I return to my bedroom, where I force out a quiet laugh as I see Sarah laid on my bed 'dilating' whilst playing with her phone. It's obvious that despite her words, she misses having something inside her in that manner- is the same thing happening to me? When I dilate, it's never been an erotic feeling- but then again, I don't know what it feels like to have a man- well, someone who is anatomically a man- make love to me, whilst Sarah does...

My mind is still scrambled as I dilate myself, before pulling on the pink tights and stretchy black leotard that was for so long part of my regular Wednesday attire, but will be a regular part of my Thursdays for the next twelve months. After covering up with a tight pink t-shirt and short denim skirt, I lay on my bed and watch as Sarah stretches her own dancewear over her lithe body, before pulling on a loose, knee-length shirt dress and a pair of tiny black flats. By any objective standard, Sarah truly is beautiful. I'm a lucky, lucky girl to have her in my life- so why do I always find myself craving something else?

I try to put my dream out of my mind as I arrive at Krystie's dance school and prepare myself for an hour of dance. As I'm still healing from my surgery, I can't perform some of the elaborate steps the other girls are doing, but this doesn't prevent me from getting exercise and regaining some of the flexibility I lost whilst I was laid up.

Once the lesson ends, however, I find myself right back where I started as no matter how hard I try, I can't shake the dream from my head- and my distraction is proving to be obvious to other people too.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Jamie asks as she unties her bun and pulls on the tight top and short skirt she wore to the studio.

"Penny? Try a million quid," I sigh.

"THAT bad?" Jamie asks. "Thought you'd be celebrating, it's your engagement anniversary on Monday, isn't it? Thanks for putting that right in the middle of mad week, by the way!"

"Yeah," I laugh. "Jamie, I- I kinda- I kinda need to talk to someone. Someone who ISN'T Sarah."

"Well, okay," Jamie says. "I mean, I guess I can still be your mentor for as long as you want me to be, right?"

"Yeah," I mumble. "Umm, I'm going to be your house for most of the day anyway, getting ready for the party... Can we talk there?"

"Sure," Jamie says quietly. "I'll give you a lift... You want to say goodbye to Sarah first?"

"Definitely," I whisper, pulling my skirt back on before approaching my fiancée and giving her a long, tight hug- much to the surprise of everyone in the room, not least Sarah herself.

"Umm... Okay," Sarah giggles as she returns my hug. "Nikki, umm, I'm only going to uni to get a head start on my project, it's not like I'm emigrating or something!"

"I'm still going to hug you anyway," I mumble into the beautiful woman's shoulder.

"Good," Sarah giggles, before peeling my arms away from her body. "Have fun at Jamie's, I'll see you at the party, okay?"

"Okay," I whisper, waving after Sarah as she leaves with Katie and Lauren.

"You know," Jamie giggles, "I like your gang a lot better without Dannii in it!"

"Heh, so do I," I laugh as I think of the girl whose selfish actions threatened to tear my life apart on more than one occasion- but whose actions I very nearly went along with.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" Jamie asks as we get into her car with Charlotte and our new friend Kelly, who like myself and Jamie, is also transgendered.

"Umm, it's... It's kinda private, you know?" I grimace. "Kinda personal..."

"Oh please," Jamie laughs. "Anything you can tell me you can tell Charlotte, and if it's about, well, 'T-girl problems', then you can tell Kelly, right?"

"Hell, I might learn something!" Kelly giggles.

"Yeah, come on Nikki!" Charlotte laughs, making me moan.

"Alright," I sigh. "I... I've been having erotic dreams lately." I grimace and my cheeks turn bright red as the entire car erupts in loud 'ooh's in exactly the way I'd been dreading.

"Soo..." Jamie laughs. "What was Sarah wearing in them?"

"Not a stitch," I mumble, prompting more 'ooh's.

"Mmm," Charlotte sighs dreamily. "You know, I always wondered what it'd be like to have sex with a woman... Always wondered HOW you'd do that, especially now you're, well, done..."

"Let's NOT ask the teenager about the gory details of her sex life, okay?" Jamie says, making me smile appreciatively.

"Oh please, she's nineteen, when I was nineteen- well, you know what my sex life was like when I was nineteen," Charlotte laughs. "Hell, sex WAS my life back then!"

"Can- can we change the topic, please?" I ask.

"Think of something that interests us more than sex and we'll talk about it," Charlotte shrugs.

"Well what chance does that give me?" I moan as the car once again begins giggling at my expense.

Fortunately, the car arrives at Jamie & Charlotte's home a short while later, meaning I can try to put my embarrassment behind me as I help set up for the night's party. Once everything is almost ready to go, I manage to catch Jamie for the private chat I didn't get whilst we were in her car.

"Soo..." Jamie teases. "What's so sexy about this dream that you couldn't share it with Charlotte or Kelly?"

"It's..." I grimace, before letting out a long, pained sigh.

"...Nikki?" Jamie asks, her mood quickly changing to one of worry. "What- what is it?"

"There were two dreams," I moan. "Sarah wasn't in the second."

"Oh my god," Jamie whispers as I blush with shame. "Who- who was? Do I know her?"

"It was a- it was a him," I mumble, making Jamie gasp with shock.

"Re-really?" Jamie asks. "But I thought you- you didn't-"

"Yeah, I thought that too," I sigh. "But ever since my operation, I- I-"

"I thought they operated on your groin, not your brain?" Jamie asks.

"Ugh," I spit. "This all started because I- I dunno. I realised I didn't have any real male friends, so I went with Sarah to a student bar, we got chatting with some members of her LGBT society, then we went out clubbing last night, I talked to one of the guys and it- it's like we clicked, you know?"

"...Wait," Jamie says. "LGBT society? So, like, is this guy gay?"

"Yeah," I sigh, frowning as Jamie shakes her head.

"Oh Nikki," my 'mentor' sighs. "You really have got one messed-up brain, haven't you?"

"Is that your professional opinion?" I snort.

"Hey, I'm only trying to help," Jamie says. "Sometimes a dream is just a dream."

"And sometimes it means more," I moan. "Jamie... After you, you know, started to transition, when it came to interacting with men, was- was it weird?"

"...Give my track record I'm not the best person to be talking to there, either," Jamie sighs. "You know who IS the best person to talk to."

"I know," I sigh- it's clear that the only person Jamie could be referring to is my fiancée. "But how do I tell her, well, this?"

"Wish I could tell you," Jamie shrugs, before leaving me alone with my thoughts, scrambled as they are.

I take the tube back home to change into my dress for the party- just a simple, sexy black dress with matching stiletto heels- before taking a taxi back to Charlotte's house to find the party already in its early phases. The one source of relief is that tonight I can at least relax and have fun with my fiancée and my friends, and not have to think about Jack or my dream- or any boys or any of my dreams- for the duration of the evening.

That notion, however, is thwarted when my fiancée arrives and I see that in addition to Katie and Lauren, she also has Jacinta, Ophelia, Aaron, Annie and, of course, Jack in tow.

"Hey sexy lady!" Sarah giggles as she wraps her arms around me and gives me a soft, slow kiss.

"Hey..." I reply. "Um, got a bit of an entourage tonight, then?"

"It's okay, I cleared it with Charlotte first," Sarah giggles. "And I know Jamie and Stuart are REALLY keen to meet Aaron and Annie, hehe!"

"...And Jack?" I ask, making my fiancée sigh.

"Couldn't very well leave him stood on the side of the road, could I?" Sarah laughs. "Now come on, it's YOUR turn to get the drinks!" I laugh as I head toward the small bar at the end of the room whilst Sarah's party starts to mingle, but inside, I'm screaming louder than ever. Why did Sarah bring Jack? Does she somehow know about the dream? Did Jamie tell her? Has Jamie blurted it out to everyone?

After returning to the group with a tray full of cocktails and soft drinks for the designated drivers, I try to relax as the girls and boys fill me in on their day, though as that was spent mostly starting their university coursework, I find that my attention keeps wandering- and Jack's presence mere feet away from me doesn't help matters. It's a relief when Jacinta announces that she needs to use the ladies' room, giving me an excuse to follow her for a private chat.

"Umm... You DO know the toilets in this place are, like, single cubicles, right?" Jacinta asks as we head to the side of the room. "And I'm assuming you DON'T want to use the little boys' room?"

"Both assumptions are correct," I say. "I just- I kinda need to talk to you about something, something sensitive..."

"Umm, wouldn't you be better off asking someone who's post-op?" Jacinta asks, making me almost cry in frustration.

"Not THAT type of sensitive!" I hiss, before composing myself. "Sorry... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have snapped, I'm just- I'm just a little stressed, that's all."

"No, it's okay," Jacinta whispers as we arrive at the quiet cubicle. "What- what's up, Nikki?"

"It- it's Jack," I sigh.

"Okay..." Jacinta whispers. "Well, umm, aside from being cute and obviously not interested in me, he's um, nice, I guess?"

"Yeah," I say. "How- how well do you know him?"

"Talked to him a bit last year in the LGBT meetings," Jacinta shrugged. "Can't say I 'know' him... Nikki, why all the sudden interest in him?"

"Ugh," I spit. "I- I kinda- I kinda had a dream about him last night. A, um, a sex dream..."

"Oh my god!" Jacinta squeaks, before a wave of realisation washes over her face. "Oh my god... Nikki, um, does Sarah know?"

"No," I say firmly. "And she can't, she just can't, I- I don't know what's going on, why I- I-" I bite my lip as tears start to flow from my eyes and Jacinta embraces me in a tight, comforting hug.

"All you've been through, it's mess up anyone," Jacinta whispers. "Nikki, do- do you want to, you know, have sex with Jack?"

"I don't know!" I sob. "I don't think so, I mean, I love Sarah, I'm IN love with Sarah, I want to marry her for fuck's sake... But she can't give me what Jack can, and I can't give her that... Not anymore, anyway."

"You've always said that Sarah says that sex isn't about 'what' or 'how', but about 'who'," Jacinta says.

"She SAYS that," I moan. "Jacinta... You know that we, well, we dilate, right?"

"Not something I'm looking forward to after listening to your horror stories, but yes," my fellow transwoman replies.

"Sarah... Sarah's got herself a dilation kit, off the internet, you know?" I explain. "She dilates at the same time as me..."

"Umm, okay," Jacinta realises, before sighing. "And obviously she doesn't NEED to dilate, so you think she's, what, pleasuring herself or something?"

"She's a lot more sexual than I am," I whisper. "Always has been. Well, I thought she was, anyway, heh."

"Nikki," Jacinta sighs. "She didn't put that ring on her finger if she was just going to jump into bed with a pile of dildos. Same goes for you, too! You say you don't know what you want. Well I know what you want. It's blindingly obvious to, like, EVERYONE."

"...If you say so," I sigh. "Then why did I have that dream?"

"What am I, a shrink?" Jacinta snorts. "You saw Sarah dilating, jumped to conclusions and decided you wanted some hot man love and projected that onto an image of Jack, or something."

"I guess," I say.

"Either way it's obvious what you should do now, who you should talk to," Jacinta says. "Now can I please, PLEASE have my pee?"

"Go on," I sigh as I leave Jacinta to her business in the cubicle. "You're the second person to say that today."

"Just shows we're right then, doesn't it?" Jacinta yells after me as I return to the party.

Unsurprisingly, with more guests arriving, the room is heaving, making it difficult to locate Sarah and her crew in the crowd, even despite Ophelia's new purple hair. Rather than let myself panic, I decide that there's still no reason I can't try to enjoy myself, even if 'enjoying myself' entails 'getting wasted despite the fact I have work tomorrow'. After getting myself a drink at the bar, I head back into the party to try to find Sarah, only to run into the last person I wanted to see.

"Whoa!" Jack laughs as I nearly bump into him and spill my drink. "Careful with that, don't want you getting all wet, do we?" Of all the ways you could've worded that, I think to myself.

"Where's Sarah?" I ask.

"What am I, a human GPS?" Jack asks. "Though that WOULD be cool, like, having a drone or something flying overhead, getting an aerial view of the party... Gonna HAVE to mention that to La Charlotte or La Jamie if I run into them... Thanks for getting me into the party, by the way!"

"I didn't have anything to do with it," I say bluntly. "Didn't Sarah invite you?"

"Well, yeah, but she said it was your idea," Jack replies. "Huh. Guess she just likes sharing credit, hehe!"

"Yeah," I say. "Jack..."

"...Nikki?" Jack replies.

"We- can- I- umm, I, umm, I want to talk to you... In private, if possible," I say quietly.

"Well, umm, alright," Jack laughs as we head to the empty kitchen. "I mean, you're not my USUAL type, and you are engaged, heh!"

"But am I?" I ask. "Am I really not your type?"

"Well, umm, the breasts and the vagina are kinda a turn-off, yeah!" Jack laughs. "Nikki... Where has this come from?"

"...Ugh," I spit. "I wish I knew, I really, really wish I knew... Jack, last night, I- I kinda, umm, dreamt about you..."

"Okay..." Jack says, before his eyes go wide. "...Oh. When you say 'dream'-"

"Yeah," I say, my pulse getting faster as I start to hyperventilate. "Oh god..."

"Well, um, I hope I was making you say that in the dream?" Jack asks.

"This isn't funny!" I shriek. "This- ugh. Are you really, really not attracted to me?"

"Well, no," Jack says. "Nikki, you may think of yourself as a transwoman, but when I look at you, I don't see the 'trans' part, I just see the 'woman' part. And well, you know... Not my thing. I mean, I guess you are attractive, like, from an objective sense or something... Are- are you attracted to me?"

"...I don't know," I sigh. "I never really had any male friends, that's the thing..."

"You've spent three years changing into a completely different person," Jack says. "Maybe you're still only just discovering who you really are?"

"Does anybody ever really discover who they really are?" I ask.

"That's a hell of a deep question for not enough alcohol!" Jack giggles. "Nikki... I see the way you look at Sarah and the way she looks at you. You're not looking at me that way, trust me. Am I looking at you in that way?" I stare deeply into Jack's eyes as he talks, and the glance he gave me last night at the club is there, clear as day- but it's not a look of lust, or one of love, it's... Loneliness.

"You're lonely," I whisper as the alcohol begins to take over my bloodstream.

"I'm a gay man who spends most of his time hanging around with women," Jack retorts. "Not the hardest thing in the world to work out."

"Ugh, I feel so embarrassed..." I moan. "I shouldn't have told you about the dream..."

"Hey," Jack whispers, gently cradling my chin. "Who hasn't screwed up at some point in their life?"

"This is big, though," I moan.

"Did we have sex?" Jack asks. "Did we even get to first base?" I look at Jack as he smiles at me, and I realise he's right- though this realisation causes an urge to take over my body as I lean in toward Jack, my lips parting as they close in on his mouth...

"...No," I whisper, my mouth mere inches from Jack's. "No, I- I can't. I love Sarah."

"Damn right you do," Jack whispers. "So go out there, and show her that you love her."

"But how?" I sigh. "After last night's dream..."

"That will never happen again, will it?" Jack asks, making me giggle. "I do NOT fancy you, I do NOT want to have sex with you, end of story, and the reverse is absolutely true, isn't it?"

"...Yes," I say with a tired laugh.

"So is there anyone out there that you DO want to have sex with?" Jack asks, making me smile wickedly.

"Yes," I say with confidence. "Yes, there is."

I have a self-assured swagger in my walk as I stride back out into the party room and quickly locate my fiancée, who's dancing with Katie and Lauren. Without even saying 'hi', I surprise her with a long, deep kiss- an embrace she willingly reciprocates, much to our friends' amusement.

"It's getting late," I whisper. "I've got work tomorrow, you've got uni..."

"We can stay a little while longer," Sarah shrugs. "Unless there's somewhere else you'd rather be?" The twinkle in my eyes says more than words ever could as a wide grin spreads across my fiancée’s face and we walk out of the party hand-in-hand, barely stopping to wave goodbye to our friends before jumping into a waiting taxi and heading back to Sarah's home.

Once home, we immediately head to Sarah's bedroom where we waste no time in stripping each other completely naked before diving into Sarah's bed. There, our hands and mouths explore every square inch of each other's bodies, driving each other to orgasm time after time until both of us are gasping for breath from sheer exhaustion and the most sensitive areas of my body and tingling, almost sore from the attention that has been shown to them.

"Okay," Sarah pants as she takes several deep breaths. "Definitely better than a party!"

"Uh-huh," I gasp.

"Aren't you glad your dream came true?" Sarah asks, bringing back a tiny amount of guilt at my dream the previous night- but only a very tiny amount.

"Yeah," I laugh as Sarah and I press our sweat-streaked bodies together and cuddle each other into a deep, mercifully dreamless slumber.

When we awake the following morning, we're still holding each other so tightly that for a brief moment it's as though I don't know where my body ends and where Sarah's begins, and it takes all the willpower I have to break the intimate embrace.

Sarah's right, as always- I AM glad the dream came true, but what I learned this week is not all dreams SHOULD come true- only the important ones. Sarah doesn't need to know about my 'Jack dream'- all it did was serve to remind me of what was most important in my life, or rather, WHO was most important. As long as I have Sarah, I won't need anyone else- and not just for sex, but for the important things. Sarah is my soul mate. She always has been and she always will be, and I don't care what anyone else has between their legs, I'll only, only ever need her.