Warning: the following contains adult situations and extreme language. If you are easily offended, or just are not old enough legally to be viewing this, please leave now. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED! This is a story about a man who has an accident with a chemical spill one night and wakes up from a coma to find that he, is now a she. Follow along as he learns that just because the body may change, a person's will, and dreams don't have to.

Becoming Antonia
By Toni Trepasso

---

 
Ok, so let me give you the background of my case. I’m an alumnus of a fraternity at an upstate NY college. My brothers call me Hermes, named after the Greek Messenger God. My parents named me Patrick, (Pat for short). I’m a rather big guy. My last physical at work had me at 250 pounds. I do have a bit of a gut, but my crew leader always knows that I can handle any “bull work” he has to have done, (I guess being a Prop on the college rugby team and a shot and a discus thrower had left me with some good strength.)

I went back to visit the school for Hell Night, (for those of you who aren’t members of a Greek organization, Hell Night is the night when the people who want to join, show what they have learned of the house’s past and that of Greek tradition. If they show that as a group they have learned what they were supposed to, they earn their Colors.) I won’t bore you with the details of that night, (only brothers and alumni are privileged to what ACTUALLY happens there anyway.) I’ve been known to be a bit of an asshole. One of the things we do as brothers is play a game called “cup check,” in which one guy yells cup check, claps twice and then backhands another guy in the nuts, (barbaric, and childish I know. But it’s all in good fun, and we're usually drunk at the time right?) The clap is meant to give everyone else a chance to cover up. However, I am known to be VERY quick with my claps and have gotten more than my share of brothers this way, (sorry about that time at Psi D, Hulk.)

Anyway, we are the newest fraternity on campus and there are only so many houses to go around so we hold our festivities on top of the hill behind the other campus in the town, (there is a private school and a State school in the same small town, across the main street from each other in the town. We are from the State school.) The ceremony went on without a hitch and we decided to back down the hill after the celebration and hit the all night Chinese food restaurant. We usually snake our way down the hill because it’s not QUITE legal for us to be where we are, and it’s about a 60% grade, so walking straight up is almost impossible. Then when you add to that the facts that it was mid March, the schools are in western NY state, and in direct line with the usual belt of lake effect snow off of Lake Erie, you see why we don’t go straight up. Well, as you can imagine, when you mix alcohol with high spirits you tend to get a lively bunch of drunks. So we were walking back down the hill for the night, and I was reaching for a tree to help keep my balance, since it was winter and the path was covered in snow over the fallen pieces of the trees that were there, when one of the younger guys who was (as we like to call it) “bombed off his ass” decided that would be a good time to retaliate on me for the earlier cup check. So he yells, claps and swings faster then I can let go of the tree.
I remember tumbling, and I do remember bouncing off some trees and rocks as I made my (quicker then I would have liked) descent. I woke up in a hospital bed, just as a nurse was sticking me for a blood draw.
I jerked my arm back just before she stuck me and asked her, “Where the fuck am I?” (I warned you I have a mouth on me.)

This is when my inner monolog kicked in. “What the hell is wrong with my voice? That sounded like a chick. But I know I said it. What the fuck is going on here?”

She apparently noticed my direst, and told me, “I’m Nurse Smith. You are in the hospital. Your brothers brought you here after you tumbled down a hill. You are lucky to be alive. They found you face down in a ditch behind the University’s chem. lab, and there were toxic waste barrels leaking into the ditch with you. You’ve been out for two months. Let me go get your doctor.” She left the room, leaving me to ponder all that had happened.

The nurse came back with another woman who introduced herself as Dr. Erica Mathews. I shook her hand and gasped as I saw the hand looked like that of a woman. (You see, I’m a mechanic by trade, and my hands have for the better part of the past 10 years been pock marked with scars and cuts from me working on race cars, and recently fork trucks at the metal rolling plant I work at near home.)

“What the fuck is going on?!” I exclaimed, then thought to myself, “there’s that god damn voice again. Just what the fuck happened to me?”

The doctor instructed the nurse to leave, and then pulled a chair up next to my bed. I went to sit up and realized there were now two rather large globes of flesh attached to my chest, visible thru ever the loose-fitting hospital gown. She looked at me, took a deep breath and informed me that over the past months I had changed into a woman.

“I’m sorry doc. but you can tell Opiee and Pete, that this is not funny. And whatever you gave me to get my voice to sound like this, is a nice touch, but this sounds like something a bad fiction writer would write. This can’t be real.”

She nodded and helped me up from the bed.

“Why do I feel lighter then I did before? And why are my arms thinner? Speaking of which, where the hell is the hair that is usually there?”

My mind was racing now. So many questions, as she lead me over to the door and the floor length mirror that hung on the back of it. To say I was shocked would be like saying Hitler was mildly confused. (I know, get your hate mail going folks, I can keep this up all day.) What I saw staring back at me next to the doctor, (who was quite the looker herself I might add,) was a young woman, who looked in her mid 20's, (I just turned 30 in actuality.) The gown did little to hide the fact that the woman standing next to the doctor was in amazing shape. I’d have put her at about 115- 125 pounds. She was about my height, (5'10" according to the last physical I had for work) and her hair was down to the middle of her back. It was that sexy auburn that has always got my motor running. The Doctor undid the tie on the back of the neck of my her gown and it fell to the floor. My eyes were riveted to the large mounds of womanly flesh on the girls chest. I’d have put them near double D cups for sure. I felt myself starting to get aroused, and smiled at the vision in front of me when it hit me.

“Wait a minute, that chick has the same tattoo as me.”

I looked down at “my body” and realized I was naked just like the girl I was looking at, and those lovely breasts I was ogling were sitting on MY chest!

I looked at the mirror again and saw that the doctor had her hand on the shoulder of the girl in the mirror like she had on my shoulder. That was when the world went black.
I woke up back in my bed with the doctor taking my blood pressure, and the nurse from earlier taking more blood.

“Where am I?” there was that voice again. “And what happened to my voice?”

The doctor finished taking my vitals and then retold me the story from earlier. I looked at her and shook my head trying to wrap my brain around what she was saying.

“You mean to tell me that some chemical spill from the University caused me to change genders? BULL SHIT!”

She pulled out a photo book and showed me the dated pictures. The first one was of a guy that looked kind of like me, but his hair was gone. I don’t just mean the hair on his head, but his eye brows, arms, chest, legs, and his pubes, were all gone, and he look like he got into a fight with a train and lost. The next few showed the same guy growing back the hair on his head, over a couple days. I looked at the face again and realized it was me. Those same pictures showed his body fat just melting away. You could actually make out the different muscled throughout his body, although they looked A LOT smaller then they had been before all this happened, but I still looked good, all things considering.

“Cool I have Abs! I’ve never had Abs.”

Then I looked between my legs in the pictures, and was dumbfounded. Granted, I’ve never been a “BIG” guy, but I could hold my own, and never had a woman say she didn’t have a good time. The pictures showed my cock getting smaller and smaller as the days progressed. My face started to loose all color as I kept going along in the book. The day my penis was no longer visible in the pictures, was the same day I saw the first signs of breasts on my chest. I kept turning pages and the breasts just kept getting bigger and bigger, (it was like watching something you’d find at www.expansionmansion.com.)
I finally broke down. I heaved the book across the room and started to sob into my dainty hands.

“Why is this happening? Why me? Why now? What is my family going to say? Oh GOD! DAD!!! I have his Jeep!”
Looking up at the doctor with water streaming down my face. “I gotta call my dad, he must be out of his mind!” she pulled me into a hug and patted the back of my head, saying, “Shhh, it’s ok, your dad and mom have already been here. They know all about what has happened.”

I looked up at her and just stared blankly. “Are they still here?”

She shook her head and told me, “no, we called them this morning when you woke up. Your mom said she and your step dad would be down this after noon.”

I nodded to her. “And what about dad?”

She looked down to me. “Uh, he wasn’t home.”

My mind started asking questions again. “Dad never leaves the house. What the hell? She looked down and to the left, they told us in staff training when I was an RA, (I was a Residents Assistant when I was in college. Basically we are the ones who the students interact with in the dorms incase of problems, questions, or concerns,) that means she’s not telling me something. What’s wrong with Dad?”

I heard a knock at the door and turned to see my mom standing there, crying, so that got my water works going again, as my mind kept up asking questions. “Why the hell can’t I stop crying?”

“Hi Mom.”

She just hugged me tight and cried. After what seemed like a while, she wiped the tears away, and sat in the chair in the room, as the doctor left us alone.

“Mom, what’s going on? The doctor’s not telling me something.”

I’ve always been able to read Mom like a book, and today was no different. She just looked at me like she was about to drop a bomb on me, but didn’t want to.

“Mom, where’s Dad?”

She started to cry again.

“MOM! Where is DAD?” I asked her again in a sterner tone.

She sniffled and looked me in the eyes. “Ok, here it comes, mom only looks me in the eyes when it’s BIG.” “Your father hasn’t handled this well at all. In fact, he and the rest of the family think you are the devil.”

“WHAT!? MOM! NO!”
She just nodded to me. “They think that what happened to you is not natural.”

“NO SHIT!”

She just waved her hand for me to be quiet. “Your father acts like you are dead.”

I started to cry again. “Why? I didn’t ask for this to happen. It just did. It’s not my fault.”

She got up and hugged me again and wiped my tears away. “We’re here for you honey,” she told me. I looked up and there was my step dad standing there in the doorway, holding back tears of his own. I looked at them both and nodded.

“Does Sarah know?”

“I know what’s gone on Pat” came a voice behind me. I turned to see my fiancé.

“Sarah, I just wish you didn’t have to see me like this.”

“You know I love you, no matter what Pat.”

“Just leave. You can’t love a... what ever the hell I am now. It’s not fare to you.”

“You can’t say that. I love you. I love the person on the inside, the outside doesn’t matter to me.”

“What about your dream of kids? How can I be the father of your children when I don’t have a penis?” I shouted at her more out of frustration then anger.

“I know you’ve been thru a lot, buy I want you to know I’m here for you if you want to talk about it.” she told me as she kissed my cheek, then walked out of my room in tears.

My mom walked over to her and they talked in the hall for a while, as I just buried my head in my hands and started to ball my eyes out.

“That wasn’t fare of you Pat. She loves you, and I thought until a minute ago you loved her too.”

“It’s not fare to ask her to give up her dream of having kids because of me. I can’t be anyone’s father.”

“You’re your father’s son. Both of you are pig headed fools. What about adoption?”

“I just don’t know what to do mom.”

She hugged me and I let my mind wander to what had taken place the night of the party.

“What about the guys? Do they know?”

She told me. “They guys have been under a lot of scrutiny from the school and the police.”

“Why mom? They didn’t do anything?”

She went on to tell me. “The police think they beat you up and dumped you there. They are treating this like a “Hazing Crime.”

“What, Mom, NO! Come on, you know the guys, they would never do that. Not to me. Not to anyone.”

As if on cue, a familiar face walked in the door, knocking as he did.

“Captain Brown? What are you doing here?” I asked him.

He looked puzzled that I knew his name. (You see when I was attending school there and being on staff, we had to keep a weekly meeting with Captain Brown, the head of Campus Safety. During my tenure I talked a lot about what was happening both on my floor and in my dorm.)

“Um miss, I’d like to talk to you about what you remember from that night.”

I couldn’t help but giggle a little when he called me “miss” but being as I no longer looked like the guy I once did, I guess it fit. “Cap, it’s me!” I stated, “Patrick, remember, fall ‘95-97, MacKenzie North?”

He turned the same shade of white I did earlier when looking at the pictures of my transformation.

“Um, no. I mean yes, I mean.” He was stammering for the right words. “PAT! I thought the name looked familiar.”

He looked at me, trying to first see if there was any similarities to the old me. (There aren’t, I already looked.) Then he paused as if trying to make sense of it all. So I handed him the book the doctor left in my room. He carefully looked thru the pages and you could see him blush as he saw EVERYTHING that made me the woman I am now.

“Wow, you look nothing like the guy I met 10 years ago.”

“No shit!” I thought to myself. “So what brings you here?”

He got that look on his face I remember so well from back in the day. “Well we have reports of Hazing in your Fraternity.”

“WHAT!? You’re kidding me right? Come on Cap, you can’t be serious.”

The look on his face told me he was serious as a heart attack.

“Pat, how did you end up in the ditch behind the University Chem lab?” He asked me in that same stern tone I had heard him use so many times on other students when I was going to school.

“I was out looking for nocturnal wildlife when I lost my footing.”

He shook his head. “I already talked to Pete, and Opiee, they told me you were at a party on the hill.”

I blushed. “I didn’t want the guys to get in trouble for trespassing.”

He nodded. “That is a separate matter here. How did you end up in the ditch?”

I gulped and took a deep breath. “We were walking back down after the party, to get Chinese food, when I tripped and fell. I know I hit my head a couple times, and the next thing I remember I woke up with the local vampire, (that would be Nurse Smith) trying to stick me for a blood draw. Honestly Cap. the guys have nothing to do with this.”

He pulled out a pad of paper. “Would you mind making an official statement?”

I nodded. “As long as you can get the DA to agree to not press charges for the hill party.”

He knew I had him. It was going to be one hand washes the other, and if he wanted to close my case, he was going to have to play my way.

“Ok, I’ll talk to him and see what I can do.”

I just shook my head. “No, either he drops any charges against the guys for the party, or I don’t talk. It’s that simple Cap. You know me, I’ve never lied to you, well, aside from the half truth I told you today. If you can’t get the DA to go along with this, then I’m sorry, but I plead the 5th.” (For those of you not from the States, the 5th amendment to the US Constitution protects someone from incriminating themself in a legal matter, by not having to talk about it to the authorities.)

He picked up his cell phone and dialed a number. Apparently he was calling the DA, because he told who ever what on the other end what I had just told him. He nodded and hung up.

“Ok, done. All charges against your house for the party are dropped. Now, about that statement.”

I took the pad from him and wrote about the deal with the DA first. That way it was on record and there was no way to back out now. Then I wrote down just what I told the Captain earlier, about the party, and walking back down, losing my footing and grabbing a tree, (I left out the part about Tugger slapping my balls) then the tree breaking and me going down the hill the fast way. I handed him the pad back after I signed it and as the nurse came in I asked her to make me a copy of my statement after the Captain signed it. (If watching all those cop shows with Dad has taught me anything, it is to always get it in writing, and keep a copy for yourself.) The Captain shook my hand and left, telling me to stay in touch, and stop in to see him next time I was in town.

“Hey, cap? Can you do me one more favor?”

“I can try. What’s up?”

“I don’t want anyone in here that I don’t know, and I DON’T want any media.”

“Yeah, about that. You know the alumni at the U are some powerful people in the world of business right?”

“Um, I guess. Why?”

“They have been doing their best to keep everything out of the papers and as far under the radar as they can in regards to TV, and radio. But if it’ll make you feel any better, I’ll post a guard outside your door. OH, and you know Dee is back on the force, right?”

“Can I have her? We have a lot of catching up to do.” I smiled as he nodded, and I thought back to my first days at Alfred.

I had met a girl at orientation, and she lived at the bottom of campus. I was in the dorm at the very top of the hill, and after I got unpacked I decided that I wanted to pay her a visit, so what’s the fastest way for a person to get down a hill? (aside from how I went down the one behind the U?) I strapped on my roller blades and pointed myself down upper campus drive. About half way down I heard a siren, and a voice over a loud speaker asking me to pull over. I looked over my shoulder and saw a cop car following me, so I stood up and tried to put on my brake. However, it snapped off, and went thru the windshield of the cop car. The cop pulled in front of me and instead of putting on the brakes slowly to help me stop, the cop just jammed them on and I ended up doing a face plant on the trunk. As I was trying to clear the cobwebs from my head from the hit, I turned to see a rather large woman cop standing in front of me, and she looked pissed.

“Do you know how fast you were going?”

“Fast enough to piss you off?”

“I clocked you at 55, and the speed limit on campus is 20. Are you alright?” she asked as I was wiping the blood from my nose.

“Yeah, I’ll live, I always bleed from the face when I bounce off a car.”

She ended up writing me a ticket for speeding and made me take off my skates. I showed up for my court case and the judge looked mad.

“55, in a 20, you’re losing your licence for this one boy.”

“Your honor, I wasn’t in my car.”

“Motorcycle?”

“No.”

“How were you going that fast?”

I held up my skates. He looked at the cop who I later found out during staff training was named Dee, and she nodded.

“Young man, you know it’s not safe to go that fast on those. So slow it down in the future. Case dismissed. You are free to go. Officer, in my chambers.... NOW!”

Dee and I became friends after that, and would often joke about the incident.

Mom then told me that she hired a lawyer for me, and we were suing the university for unsafe dumping, pain and suffering, and punitive damages, (what ever that means). He had also gotten a judge to put a gag order on the whole hospital staff, so no one could say a word about my case to anyone who was not related to me. Also that the lawyer has started the paperwork to legally change my name. I was dumbfounded. It hadn’t yet sunk in to my brain that Patrick wasn’t Patrick anymore. Then it hit me. I remember all the long talks my Dad and I had as we drove to the races when we both worked for the USAR Hooters Cup team. (www.usarprocup.com). Dad told me once that if he had a daughter he wanted to name her Antonia, and call her Toni for short. He’d always laugh and tell me about the fun it would be when a young man called and asked for Toni on the phone, and he’d tell them “speaking.” (Dad has a strange sense of humor).
“Antonia” I said as I looked at mom.

She just looked back and tried to comprehend what I just said.

“My new name, I want to be Antonia. But you can call me Toni for short.”

She nodded and smiled a little, knowing where it came from. Visiting hours came to an end and my cell phone rang, right after Mom and Doug left.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Oh, I’m sorry I think I dialed the wrong number.” the caller stated, as I checked the ID.
“Opiee?”

Dead silence on the other end.

“Um, is Hermes there?”

“DUDE! It’s me!” To which I was again greeted with dead silence. “Hello?” I asked.

“Um, is this the same Hermes who is my little brother in the fraternity?” he asked, not knowing what else to do.

“Well I guess you are still my big brother, but I think you should call me your little sister now.” I told him giggling slightly.

“Um you don’t sound like Hermes.”

“NO SHIT!.. ok, I’ll prove it to you.” I went on to tell him about the night in Cougar’s room when she joined our sisters. I mentioned about him playing with hair spray, and me pissing on her roommate’s bed. I even told him about us doing community service afterwards and fixing his step dad’s fence.

And again a long pause. “Pat?” he finally asked.

“Well for the most part, yeah, it’s still me.”

He asked me what happened, and why I sounded like a woman. So I gave him the “readers digest” version of what happened. He went on to tell me about all the problems with the DA, and Campus Safety, and how the school didn’t know what to do, they were going to wait to see what happened with the DA first.

I then told him that it was all taken care of, and about the deal with Captain brown.
“Always playing an angle aren’t you?” he laughed.

“Well I wanted to protect the brotherhood as best I could, after all, you guys have always been there for me.”

He told me that some of the guys had Friday off and that they wanted to stop by and see me. I went white as a sheet, and didn’t know what to say.

My heart didn’t give my brain time to think and I blurted out, “Absolutely. I’ll tell the nurse.”
My brain finally caught up. “FUCK! Now what? FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! Too late now to back out.”

He babbled about something and told me he’d see me Friday. I hung up and tried to get some sleep. But my mind kept racing.
“Man what a day? I find out I’ve been in a coma for 2 months, and they guys almost lost their charter. My Dad doesn’t want anything to do with me. FUCK! I’m a woman, now. How the hell am I going to adjust to that? I wonder if I still have a job? I mean, I haven’t been there for 2 months. If I do still have a job, will I still be able to do it? Where will I live, Dad won’t let me stay there anymore, he won’t even want to talk to me. Or will he?”

I picked up my cell again and dialed my dad’s house, (it’s weird not calling it home anymore).

“Hello?” dad answered.

“ Dad?” I replied, which was met with a quick hang up. So I dialed back thinking it was a dropped call, and got the answering machine. Oh yeah, it was dropped alright. He dropped the receiver back on the cradle faster then Britaney Spears trying to hold her baby. (I know, get your hate mail ready folks. But I make no apologies.)

So I laid back down and shut my eyes. Sleep was uneasy that night. I kept replaying the night in my head. More the fall then the rest of it, and I kept dreaming about the guys showing up Friday.

The next few days were filled with a whirl wind of test, of poking and prodding with needles, and ultrasounds. Then I was introduced to the wonderful world of the OBGYN. (These sick bastard’s get paid to look at the parts of women the rest of us would get arrested for asking to see.) She ran some tests, and this tube up my, vagina. (Wow it seems weird to actually call it my vagina) She told me it had a camera in it to see how everything was looking, and that she would be taking a biopsy to make sure everything was normal.

“Define normal Doc? Because my definition has been rolled up into a ball, lit on fire and then pissed on over the past few days.”

She looked at me and half smiled and nodded. Then after she did her thing I was able to go back and try to sleep, the guys were coming in the morning. When I got there, I saw the chiseled face of the woman I grew to respect both as a cop, and a friend from my days at school.

“Hi Dee.”

“Um, hello miss. I’ve been assigned by Captain Brown to look after you for the rest of your stay.”

“Dee, you don’t recognize me do you? Pat... remember the roller blade speeding ticket?”

All the color drained from her face and finally the name Cap gave her clicked. She just stood there with her jaw hanging and looking at me. I invited her into my room and we talked for a while. I showed her the pictures the doctor had given me and she was almost as stunned as I was at the transformation. She got up to go back to stand duty as my dinner arrived, and I asked her to make sure no media shows up, I just hate having my picture taken. She nodded.

“So that’s why in most of the pictures I’ve seen of you, you have your middle finger in the air. Good way to make sure they wont be used in print. I’ll be in the hall. Just yell if you need anything.”

I was relaxing watching the NASCAR practice after dinner when I looked at the door and saw a woman I hadn’t seen since I was at the AM stations back in Syracuse.

“Leila? What are you doing here?”

“Ah, Miss Trepasso, you’re awake, good, I have a few questions if you don’t mind.”

“What the hell? How did you get in here?”

“So is it true that you used to be a man?” she asked as she pulled out a small video camera and a tape recorder.”

“GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM! DEE!” she ran in just as soon as I called for her.

“You’re not supposed to be in here. I’m sorry Toni, I had to use the head.”

“Wait, Dee. Take her camera, and the tape deck. Leila, I’m surprised at you. What happened to the scared little girl that had her first night on the air at ‘News radio 750'? You’ve changed. You can stay, and we can talk, but it’s all off the record. For now anyway.”

She took a seat and pulled out a pad of paper. I told her that off the record means off the record, and if she didn’t like that, she could leave. She put the pad away and I explained to her what had happened.

“How did you know I was scared my first time on the air?”

I made a motion like I was pushing a button. “Smile will you? You look like you’re about to throw up.”

It took her a moment to remember, but it finally clicked and her jaw dropped as she lust stared at me.

“PAT? Pat Trepasso?”

“To answer your earlier question, yes I used to be a man. And YES, I am, or rather WAS, Pat. I go by Toni now.”
“You’re the same Pat that used to produce my news when I was at 750?”

“The one and only.”

“This isn’t possible. You’re a... a...”

“Woman? What did your boss tell you when you were told to come here?”

“Just that there was a woman who used to be a man at this hospital.”

“Ok, again, strictly off the record, I’ll give you some of the story. I was at a party behind Alfred University. NO, it wasn’t a hazing incident. NO, I wasn’t beat up. And HELL NO, my brothers didn’t do this to me. They actually saved my life. I fell down the hill when I tripped and ended up in a pool of toxic waste.”

I held up the photo book for her to see, but not touch, and she just had a deer in the head lights look the whole time.

“A lot to wrap your head around isn’t it?”

“Um, yeah. You have to let me do a story on you. This could make my career.”

“I don’t want to be a freak. And you know as well as I do, that your story will make me a freak. So I have to decline. But I promise you this, if I ever do anything note worthy, you’ll get the first crack at the story. Deal?” I asked as I held out my hand to her.

“I’m going to hold you to this, Pa... I mean Toni.”

“Ok. Look Leila, it’s been a long day, and I need to get some sleep. Good seeing you again.”

“You too, and sorry for sneaking in on you. Night.” She waved as she walked out, and I closed my eyes for some needed sleep.

I woke up as the nurse came into my room with breakfast, and noticed a sign on the door, “Please call me Toni.” I smiled to myself at the joke being the one person who this was meant to honor wouldn’t piss on me if I were on fire now. I sighed and ate. A little while later there was a knock at the door, and a familiar voice

“HERPES! You in here?” Opiee, is always pulling that crap.

“FUCK YOU OPIEE!” was my reply.

He and Pete, came around the corner and just stared at me.

“Hermes?” they asked in unison.
“In the flesh, well what’s left of it that is.” I laughed.

Opiee was staring and starting to drool. That was when Pete punched him and reminded him of who I was.

“Still the dirty old man I see, eh big bro?” He just laughed.

“WOW! You look...” he paused to find the right word.

“Hot?” I offered, causing him to turn more shaded of red then I thought possible.

Pete interjected, “Man we though you were dead. What ever you landed in burned my boots and Opiees gloves.”

I just nodded and smirked. “Yeah, think carefully about what it did to me.” I replied.

The look on his face told me I struck a nerve, he was just trying to see how I was doing.

“It’s not your guy’s fault. I don’t even blame Tugger really. Although I would like to get the fucker back somehow.”

Pete smiled. “Well you could come to Alumni weekend and lead him on.”

“Um, short answer, NO, longer answer, HELL NO!, longest answer, OH HELL NO!” I laughed. “It’s bad enough to know Opiee wants to fuck me.” I looked at my big brother. “DUDE! Snap out of it, you’re not my type.”

He started to laugh. “Sorry man, er, uh...” It was fun to watch him stumble to find the words.

“Just call me Toni, or Hermes. I’d cut that herpes shit out if I were you, or I might start telling people you gave me it.” I laughed.

They both sat down and we talked about that night, and they asked me what happened. I just handed them the photo book the doctor gave me and they both flipped thru it in silence. They came to the last pictures of me naked and they both started to blush more then I’ve ever seen them do before. That was when Mom came back in with a big shopping bag from one of the local women’s stores for me.

“Mom, you remember Opiee, and Pete.” I offered to her as they shook her hand, and stood up to get ready to leave.

“So who else came with you guys?” I asked.

“Maria, Jamie, and Brit.”

"Well, send them in on your way out.” I told them as my mom set the bag down. “What’s that Mom?” I pointed to the bag, obviously filled with clothes.

“Oh just some things to get you by till we can go shopping.” She pulled out a bra, and matching panties. “You’ll need to ware one of these so your breasts don’t sag.” she explained as she tossed it to me.

I took off my hospital gown and started to get it on like I’ve seen so many ex girlfriends do when they had to put one on. I was dumbfounded finally realizing just how real this all is now. I was brought back to reality by a knock and the high pitched shrill of a voice I can only describe as Rosanne Barr on helium.

“What up fucker?”

I snapped by head back up from the task of putting a bra on to see her jaw drop as Maria saw my double d’s jutting out from my chest. Before I was able to cover up, Jamie, and Brit walked in and both just looked at me. You’d have thought my head was on fire and my ass was catching to see me scramble to pull the gown back on.

“Nice tits Hermes.” Brit stated with a devilish smile, as I turned more shades of red then Opiee did earlier.

“Um, thanks?” I didn’t know what to say.

“Are those real?” Maria, always direct.

“Um, YEAH! I grew my own because you won’t let me play with your’s.” I joked back at her, then pointed to the book of pictures and they reacted like everyone before them had.

Their attention averted gave me time to finish putting on my bra. I motioned mom to come close, and whispered to her,

“How did you know my size?”

she smiled, “They measured you before you woke up.”

I just nodded, and pulled the gown back over my now restrained breasts. The girls looked at me and were awe struck.
“Hermes?” Maria asked?

“Don’t make me prove it to you too. Ok, the weekend I met you we were putting Mac Duff thru, and we were in Sarge’s room making him his shirt, we went shopping at Wally World, (Walmart for those of you not in college) and we talked about who in the house actually understood what it meant to be a brother.” She just looked at me and her eyes got wide. “OH MY GOD! HERMES! It is you.” I turned to Jamie, “How did you ever let this rocket scientist be president for as long as she was?”

She laughed and shrugged, not really knowing what to say.

“What do you think Brit?” I asked.

“I think she smokes too much pot.” she responded in a giggle, causing me to laugh too.

“Um, I mean about me, and what’s happened?” I instructed. She blushed and I could see her nipples harden thru her shirt. (Brit and I have always joked that we had the same taste in women.) I just smiled and nodded. When Jamie broke in.

“You really are Hermes, you have your Tattoo.” I looked at my right arm and looked at the promise I had made to Loki about getting the crest inked into my skin when they finally got the charter. Just too bad he never lived long enough to see the day.

“Yup, I’m still me, well on the inside, I’m still me. On the outside, I’m...”

I paused to think of what to say when Brit broke in. “My next girlfriend.”

We all laughed, and it dawned on me that mom had never met the girls before.

“Mom, the one with her forearm pierced is Brit, she’s a Pi Nu sister. The cute one with the glasses is Jamie, she’s one of our’s, and the short one with the big mouth is Maria. She’s one of our’s too, unfortunately.” I laughed and she gave me the bird.

“Love you too sis. Speaking of which, does this mean I’m one of you now? I suppose you can’t call me a brother anymore.” I giggled again.

They all smiled at me.

“You know Hermes,” Maria started. “You’ve always been there to go to bat for us, so I don’t see why not.”

Jamie nodded, and offered, “We do run things different then the guys do.”

“Well I kind of figured that. I guess I need to find a new catch phrase for Hell Night. ‘Sound off like you got a pair’, just doesn’t fit anymore.”

We all had a good laugh over that, even mom finally smiled. The girls all gave me big hugs as they left and told me that they would talk to the others and see what was going to happen. They passed the doctor on their way out and she looked at me.

“Ah, your friends came by to see you eh Toni?” I just nodded not even thinking she was using my new name. “How would you like to go home today?” she asked.

“What?” I replied.

“I said how would you like to go home today? Your blood tests indicate that there is nothing more to keep you here. We’ve set it up that you can do your Physical and Occupational therapies in Syracuse. So we can have you out of her in a couple hours.”

I just looked at her. “I don’t even know where home is anymore.”

I started to tear up again. I’d been living with my dad, I told you I was a mechanic and jack man in the Nextel Cup. Well Dad had a stroke, and I came home with out thinking twice about it to take care of him. Yup, gave it all up to be there for the same fucker who won’t even take my call.

“MOTHER FUCKER!” I yelled as I started to ball into my hands.

Mom came over to comfort me and gently rocked me as she stroked my long hair.

“Shhh, it’s ok, you’re coming to live with me and Doug.” I heard her words, but it took a while for it to sink in.

I think I fainted, because I opened my eyes and mom what shaking the doctor’s hand as the doctor left the room.

“Mom?” I asked. She turned to face me. “Mom, am I a freak?” I asked with tears once again in my eyes. Mom came over to comfort me, and held me tight as she told me that I was her baby, and would always be. This made me feel a little better, but it still ate at me about Dad.

A little while later a different doctor came in, she told me she was from Syracuse, and would be my OBGYN. I just looked at her like a monkey reading a map. Then it dawned on me.

“OBGYN? Why do I need an OBGYN?”

“It’s ok, I’m sure you have a lot of questions, this is normal.”

“BITCH I WAS A MAN 2 MONTHS AGO! Tell me that’s fucking normal!” I snapped at her, then realized what I had said and apologized, balling my eyes out again.
“You didn’t deserve that, I’m sorry, this is all a lot to take in. It’s only been a couple days or so since I woke up.”

She accepted my apology and told me about the tests they ran while I was still under. She showed me that I in fact now do have all the right things to make me a fully functioning female, and that I would need to be careful.

“What do you mean?”
My mom leaned in and whispered in my ear. “She mean’s you can get pregnant honey.”

My jaw dropped, as yet another thing I hadn’t thought of came into the forefront of my mind. “I just want to go home. Please, let me go home?”

The doctor nodded and went to see how my release was going. I just hugged my mom and cried. I was scared, now I had to worry about things that I never had to think about before. This is starting to suck more and more. I won’t bore you with the details of the release, just that I had to see the Doc’s in Syracuse the first part of the next week.

So Mom, Doug, and me, all drove back to their place and when we got there, I realized they had set up their computer room as my new bedroom. My bed was there, and my dressers. Then I looked at mom.

“Uh, what will I wear? All I have is guy clothes mom.” She gets that look on her face when she has a good surprise for someone. (Think Cheshire cat from Alice in Wonderland).

“Open your dressers up and see hun.”

I looked confused for a moment, then opened the top drawer of one of the dressers, where I usually kept my boxer briefs, and was floored when all I saw was bras and panties of all colors and styles. I looked at some and held up a thong.

“You’re fucking kidding me right? You actually expect me to wear something that causes a wedgie on purpose?”

Mom just laughed. “They really aren’t that bad hun. Just try it, you might like it.” I just gave her “the look.” (She know’s the one)

The rest of the weekend went pretty easy, we did go shopping. Nothing major, just for some new shoes, (apparently, my feet shrank when I had the change), and some summer styles that I thought didn’t look too girlie. I know I’m a woman now, but my brain still thinks it’s in a man’s body sometimes. Mom took special pleasure in teaching me how to walk like a woman. It took all day Sunday before I got rid of the masculine gate I’d had for almost 30 years.

We met the doctor for the appointment Monday and she went over the tests they did with me at the other hospital. I was still trying to wrap my mind around all she was telling me, then it finally dawned on me.
“When can I go back to work Doctor?”

She looked at my file and then explained to me that I was going to meet with the Physical and Occupational Therapists the following day and they would evaluate me and see what was the next course of action to take.

“What is it you do for a living Toni?”

“I’m a fork truck mechanic.”

The look on her face was classic. It took her a moment or two to realize I wasn’t screwing with her, and then she remembered that I used to be a man.

“I see, well the Therapists will look at your new body and see when you can be ready to go back.”

I sighed, “That’s if I actually have a job to go back to.”

Mom, took this time to tell me that after she found out about what happened, she called work and told them and that my lawyer had contacted them and taken care of everything. Also that they agreed to wait to see how I was when I woke up as to if and or when I was coming back.

So that being settled we left for home right around lunch time. Mom asked me where I wanted to eat. I looked at my watch and saw that if we hurried we could miss the lunch rush at the Dinosaur. As we pulled up I took a deep breath, and started to sweat. Mom told me that they kept it out of the papers about what had happened, and that she and I would be the only ones who would know here.

As we went in our hostess was someone I used to work with when I was behind the parts counter at the local Hardly Dangerous dealer, (you think I’m that nuts to get sued for copyright violations?) so I had to play it cool and not do anything stupid. Surprisingly, lunch was rather un-eventful, well, other then the fact that I couldn’t eat half of what I used to be able to do. The Dinosaur has this platter called the “Tres Grand Hombre’s” it’s half a chicken, a  ½ rack of ribs, and  ½ pound of pulled pork, two sides and corn bread. I used to pound one of those and then get a piece of home made pie. I took my “to go” box and we headed back “home.”

---

 
Next time: Toni Back in the saddle

Last Time:
...As we went in, our hostess was someone I used to work with when I was behind the parts counter at the local Hardly Dangerous dealer, (you think I’m that nuts to get sued for copyright violations?) so I had to play it cool and not do anything stupid. Surprisingly, lunch was rather un-eventful, well, other then the fact that I couldn’t eat half of what I used to be able to do. (The Dinosaur has this platter called the “Tres Grand Hombre’s” it’s half a chicken, a  ½ rack of ribs, and  ½ pound of pulled pork, two sides and corn bread. I used to pound one of those and then get a piece of home made pie.) I took my “to go” box and we headed back “home.”

Becoming Antonia Part 2
By Toni Trepasso

---

 
Last Time:
 
Mom took this time to tell me that after she found out about what happened, she called work and told them and that my lawyer had contacted them and taken care of everything. Also that they agreed to wait to see how I was when I woke up as to if and or when I was coming back.

So that being settled we left for home right around lunch time. Mom asked me where I wanted to eat. I looked at my watch and saw that if we hurried we could miss the lunch rush at the Dinosaur. As we pulled up I took a deep breath, and started to sweat. Mom told me that they kept it out of the papers about what had happened, and that she and I would be the only ones who would know here.

As we went in, our hostess was someone I used to work with when I was behind the parts counter at the local Hardly Dangerous dealer, (you think I’m that nuts to get sued for copyright violations?) so I had to play it cool and not do anything stupid. Surprisingly, lunch was rather un-eventful, well, other then the fact that I couldn’t eat half of what I used to be able to do. (The Dinosaur has this platter called the “Tres Grand Hombre’s” it’s half a chicken, a  ½ rack of ribs, and  ½ pound of pulled pork, two sides and corn bread. I used to pound one of those and then get a piece of home made pie.) I took my “to go” box and we headed back “home.”

---

 
Sleep was not easy that night. I kept thinking about everything that was happening to my life. When morning finally came, I woke up to the smell of bacon cooking. I got up as I normally did, still in the shorts and t-shirt I went to bed in, and walked into the kitchen of mom’s apartment. Before I rounded the corner, I announced my arrival.

“Wow mom, that smells great!”

As I turned the corner and entered the kitchen, I was shocked to see my step dad standing over the stove, flipping the bacon, and making fresh cut home fries.

“Oh, sorry Doug, I thought mom was in here.”

“No, she is in on the computer. Besides, I usually do breakfast on our days off.”

“Oh, well it smells good anyway”

“So Toni, how do you want your eggs?”

“Um.... I’m allergic to them, just like mom is. Sorry Doug.”

“No sweat, there’s bread in the bread box, and cereal in the cupboard. So help yourself. The rest of this will be ready shortly.”

“Ok, thanks.”

I hugged him and then went to see mom, in the computer room. She took one look at me and knew I had a rough night.

“Wow, you look like shit.” She laughed as she looked at me.

“Love you too mom. Besides, I kept thinking about everything all night.”

“Thought this might happen. After breakfast I have a surprise for you.”

“What is it mom? Come on, tell me. You know how I hate surprises... especially lately.”

I gave her a half smile, and she just grinned back at me like the Cheshire Cat. Doug’s timing was impeccable, as he called us to eat, right before I was about to lay into my mother for keeping something from me. I won’t bore you with the meal, since nothing really happened.

After I helped mom load the dish washer she told me to put on a pair of jeans, and the black boots we’d bought over the weekend. I gave her a look of confusion and shrugged while I went to change. When I came out she lead me out to the garage area of the complex they lived in.

“I know all this has been hard on you Toni, so when Doug and I picked up your things from your dad’s we decided to bring an old friend back with us.”

I just looked at her like she was speaking in a different language, as she lead me to their garage unit, and opened the door. I just stood there in complete shock. The woman who never wanted me to have a motorcycle had taken the time, effort and given up the garage space she used for her new car to bring the bike I had spent all winter building out of a used ‘78 Honda 750 and a rigid frame I bought off the internet. My emotions got the better of me and I started to cry as I threw my arms around her and cried.

“Come on, wipe those tears away and try on the new chaps and jacket Doug got you.”

“But mom, what am I going to do for a helmet? I doubt my old one will fit me at all.”

She pointed to the box on the seat of the bike and I just looked back at her not really knowing what to do. She nodded at me and I went to open it up. As I pulled out what was in it, I saw the most beautiful helmet I’ve ever seen. She had a brand new helmet painted to match the mural I had painted on the tank of my bike.

“But mom , how do you know if this will fit?”

“Trust me. They measured your entire body at the hospital, and you and I have the same size heads now. So try it on and see.”
I did, and she was right, it did fit perfect. She handed me the chaps and light weight leather riding jacket and both fit as if they were tailor made for me. (Remind me to thank Doug later.) I threw my leather clad leg over my old friend. ( I call it that, because it’s taken me 3 years to get the parts to build it the way I wanted to. Since I bought it, I’ve ridden it over 10000 miles, and turned all the wrenches to keep it running in the mean time.) I turned the key, jumped on the kick start, and just like it always does, it fired right up, and settled into a low grumble. (It’s an inline 4 cylinder, so no throaty rumble like one of those beasts with the V-twins.) I let it warm up a bit and went back over to mom and gave her a big hug and kiss on the cheek.

“Thanks. Maybe this will help clear my head.”

She just nodded and watched as I climbed back on, and checked the gas to see how much was in the tank. (Easy job, just unscrew the gas cap and look in. If you see fuel, you’re good to go for about 200 miles. If you don’t, it’s time to fuel up.) I waved to her one last time and put the bike in gear slowly easing out of the garage. I found my way out to the main road and pointed the bike west to go ride the finger lakes for a while. Beautiful area to ride, even in a car. A lot of wineries, and other scenic spots.

It was still early in the spring, so there was a crisp bite still in the air as I started down Rt. 20, heading toward the finger lakes. I knew that if anything was going to make me feel better, even if for a little while it would be a good ride. It’s the best way to get your mind clear. My new frame being what is called a rigid, meaning there are no back shocks, so the rear tire is bolted right to the frame, as is the seat. This can lead to a bone jarring experience if you don’t keep an eye out for bumps and potholes, but it’s the best way to feel as one with the bike. Every vibration in the frame in felt in your body, so it’s not for the “tender ass.”

I turned onto Rt21 south and ended up stopping in Penn Yan for fuel. I got off the bike, and stretched one of those good stretches you do after you’ve been sitting in one place for too long, when this redneck comes swaggering over and starts putting his cow pie handling meat hooks on my new paint. (For those of you who don’t know anyone with a bike. NEVER touch the paint, chrome or leather, without asking. You’ve now been warned.)

“Excuse me? What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Relax babe, I’m just admiring your old man’s bike.”

I now realize I need to educate this poor boy in the finer art of manners. I swipe his grubby paw off my tank and glare at him with a clenched fist, as his hand slings out to his side.

“1.... this is my ride. I don’t have an “old man” nore do I want one. And 2, you better make sure who you’re calling babe, you redneck inbred hick. Now why don’t you climb back into your truck, and go crawl back into the corn field that you came from.”
Then it dawned on me. This guy was now at least twice my size, and most likely stronger then I used to be, let alone am now. So I put on my best poker face and just glare at him. He started to say something but his buddies in his truck blew the horn and yelled for him to come on.

“This ain’t over you dike bitch!”

“Oh, I think it is!”

There was a voice from the other side of the pump from me that I recognized. Captain Brown! Talk about timing.

“And if you ever come near my daughter or her bike again, you’ll have me to deal with.”

It took a second for his words to sink in for me, but the redneck understood loud and clear as he stomped back to his truck and pealed out of the station. That’s when the word “daughter” sunk in. I turned around and rubbed the back of my neck.

“Thanks Cap. That could have got pretty ugly back there.”

“I didn’t know you ride Pat.”

“Um, yeah... I’ve been in the saddle for about 5 years now. Oh, and I changed my name. Please call me Toni, with an ‘I’”

He nodded and smiled, as he looked at my bike.

“You always looked like a Tony to me... so I guess Toni is fitting. So what are you riding? A Honda what?”

“It’s a ‘78 cb750k with a Super Bob frame from a shop out of Michigan. Most of the parts are from the swap meet. And I finally finished it this past winter.”

“Nice job, who did your paint?”

“I did, I hand brushed the mural on it and even pin striped the fenders myself.”

“Wow, Pa... er, Toni, I always knew you had a lot to offer the world. You think you could do something with my ride?”

I didn’t know what to say. I only did this for my own use, and here was a man I respected from the day I met him 10 years ago, asking me to do his bike for him.

“When can I take a look at what I’d have to start with?”

“Right now if you’d like. We’re heading back to Alfred right now, you remember my wife Cindy?”

I nodded and waved.

“Ma’am.” I nodded to Mrs. Brown “Ok, let’s go then, I want to try to get home before too late tonight.”

I followed him to his house, which meant another hour in the saddle for me. It was just like I remembered it from when I was a student there, a small red colonial with a small front yard and even smaller back yard. We walked down the drive way to the old garage and he showed me his ‘69 pan head.

“Wow, is this stock?”

“Yeah, mostly. I’ve been meaning to do something with it, I just didn’t know what, till I saw your’s today. Can you do some custom paint for me?”

“I suppose I could, it just depends on what you want. I’m not THAT good of an artist. Hell, I traced the mural of my fraternity crest onto my tank.”

He pulled out an old photo album and showed me the pictures of when he was in “Nam.” As we looked thru the book, I could see in his face that he was a very caring man, and each of the men he served with held a special place in his heart. I started to see him in a new light. What he did for me back at the fuel stop started to make more sense. I was one of the people he cared about too.

My thoughts were broken up when he pulled out an old patch from the binder.

“This is what I want on the tank.”

I looked at the old military patch and nodded as I studied it’s lines.

“I think I can do this for you Cap. Though it might take me a while.”

“It’s ok, I don’t have ALL that much time to ride anymore, but when I do ride, I want something to remember the guys I served with, with me.”

“I got it cap. I know how you feel. I never was in the military, but I feel the same way about my brothers. That’s why I got this.” I pulled off my jacket and pulled up my right sleeve to show him my house’s crest on my arm.

“Then it looks like I found the right woman for the job.”

I looked at him funny at first. It took a second to register that he meant me. All day on the bike, and the only time I felt like a woman what at the gas station and now. However of the two times, this was the easier one to handle. I offered my hand to him.
“Just let me know when you can get me your tins, and I’ll get right on it when it get them.”

He shook my hand, and asked for my address. He’d ship them to me ASAP. This is when it dawned on me that I had no idea what my new address was. So I called mom, and told her where I was, and what was going on. She was stoked about the idea, because she helped me paint the bike before I put it on the new frame. It used to have this awful ‘70's era faring on it, painted robins egg blue. We changed that quickly.

So I said good-bye to Captain Brown and his wife, and started for home, since it was getting late already.

I did a quick top off in Almond for fuel and then pointed myself back toward home. I ended up stopping at the same gas station as earlier for fuel again, I probably could have made it to the Thru-way, but why risk it. Besides gas off the interstate is always cheaper.

I fueled, went in to pay, and started to walk out the door when I saw the same beat up truck from before, pulling in. I sprinted to my bike, and kicked it over with one kick again. Gunned it, and stomped it into gear, laying a patch of rubber behind me as I tried to put as much distance between me and that truck as I could. I blew thru 2 red lights on my way out of town and looked in my rear-views to see a set of head lights gaining on me. It was still dusk, so as I glanced over my shoulder I could make out that it WASN’T a cop car, but that damn truck and most likely that same redneck.

I pulled into a tuck to try to decrease the air drag, and pinned the throttle WFO. I’d never been pinned in 5th gear before. I’ve never had to go this fast before. I glanced up in the mirrors and saw he was still coming. I had no where to go, we are in the middle of farm country, with mostly straight roads. I started to formulate a plan, as he pulled along my right side and rolled down his window.

“What’s the matter hot pants? Daddy not here to bail your ass out?”

This is when I was glad I put that extra loop of metal on the bike, to carry my “attention getter.” (It’s a 4 pound ball-peen hammer. I use it for when I’m in traffic and someone isn’t paying attention to where they are going. As you can guess, a shattering window can get your attention REAL quick.)

I pulled the hammer out of it’s loop and first hit him in the arm, hoping to stun him enough to not expect what was coming next. I glanced up and saw that he was holding his left arm with his right, but his left arm was still out the window since he had just been gesturing to me moments before, leaving no hands on the steering wheel.

I told myself this is my chance. Better make it good cause I doubt you’ll get a second shot.”

I plunged the big end of the hammer into his windshield and then kicked the front of his tire as I gunned it again to shoot past him. I looked back over my shoulder just in time to see the truck go airborne as it hit the ditch on the side of the road and vault into the field next to it. I didn’t stop or slow down for fear he might still be after me. I quickly found my way to the thru-way, and stopped to tell the officer at the booths what had happened. I showed him my ID, and the paperwork from the lawyer and doctors telling what happened. I called mom, and told her that I was going to be late, and not to worry. As the State Trooper called the county Sherif near by to see what he knew. He said the driver had a broken shoulder from what he claimed was a bitch on a bike, with a hammer. The Trooper told him that he had the woman on the motorcycle, and I had stopped to report they tried to run me off the road. The Sherif told the Trooper that the guys buddies corroborated my side of things saying that he also used “sexually derogatory” slurs toward me as well. The Trooper ended his call, took my statement and told me I was free to go. He also asked if I was free for a ride this coming weekend. I told him that I wasn’t from around there, and that I had a lot of family issues going on that I needed to clear up, and that my ride today was just to clear my head. He gave me his card and told me to call him if I changed my mind.

I thought to myself, “Not a chance in hell. I’m not into guys.” but said, “We’ll see, officer....” I glanced at his card. “Brown? Any relation to the Captain Brown from Alfred?”

“Oh you mean DAD.”

I just looked at him in shock. I knew Cap had kids this old, but he never said what they were up to these days. Hell, 10 years ago I scared the crap out of this kid on Halloween, when I handed out candy for the local kids in my dorm. I had cut a circular saw blade to fit my neck, so it looked like it had gone in. I put fake blood on the edges of it, wore dark glasses, and a hat to hide them from being able to see my eyes. I hung a sign from the bowl of candy I held that read “please take only one piece.” Well, Cap’s son reached for a second piece and I grabbed his wrist. You’d have thought he’d seen a ghost. I think he might had wet himself. I feel bad if he did, but I think it’s funny if he didn’t. Now here was the same kid asking me out on a date.

“Um, you might want to talk to your dad about this. Besides, doesn’t it freak you out that I used to be a guy? I mean, HELLO! You have my ID there.”

“I know all about you Toni. Dad and I talk all the time and he warned me after you left his place to look out for you. He said you had a run in earlier, and he had a feeling it might have happened again.” He looked at me. “Look, I’m not asking to marry you, I just think you have a nice bike, and I like to ride on my days off. Nothing more. Deal?”

I felt like a total bitch now, as I just nodded and put his card in my pocket with the rest of my ID and papers.

“Sorry Jake, it’s all just so new to me. I mean don’t get me wrong, you’re a good looking guy and you have a great family to vouch for you being kind to women, but you know how it can be right? I mean how would you react if you had a guy walk up while you were trying to do business, and ask you for what sounded like a date?”

“I see your point Toni, but my offer stands. Just call me and we can set something up, maybe I can drag dad away from campus long enough to join us.”

“Only if you both promise to play nice. I need to get home Jake, good seeing you again. Oh before I forget, I have to ask you something personal.”

He looked at me funny as I started to giggle, and then nodded.

“Remember about 10 years ago when you came to campus for trick’s and treats?”

He nodded again.

“When you went for that second piece of candy out of my bowl did you piss yourself?”

You could see the light come on in his head as he realized who I was. “No, I didn’t but I came damn close to. I thought that name sounded familiar. And if I may say, I do like this packaging better then the big burly jock who was in that dorm. Have a safe trip Toni.”

I waved and headed for home, thinking about nothing but how much I hate riding at night. Cars don’t see you enough during the day, it’s 10 times worse at night. I only have one light in the front, and people LOVE to pull out in front of me. Then there’s those asshole’s that love to follow too close. (And you wonder why I carry the hammer.)

I pulled into the garage back home at around 10 pm, and mom was there to meet me at the door. She hugged me tight and told me Captain Brown had called and told her what had happened. I told her it was no big deal and I knew how to handle myself.

“I’m just glad you left the hammer on the bike when you brought it here mom.”

“I was wondering what that was for. You want to tell me the real reason for it?”

“No, that’s it, just to get the attention of people who either don’t want to, or are to busy to pay attention to what’s going on around them. That’s all.”

I kissed her, and went in to take a shower. I let the water wash away all the aches that riding a rigid motorcycle can give you. I went into my room, and after putting on my shorts and a clean t-shirt, I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow.

---

 
Next time: Working Girl

My inner monolog started to hold a conversation on it’s own.
“Well think about it. You were at a party, fell down a hill and woke up as a woman.”
“And you think freaking out will solve anything?”
“No, I guess not, but I don’t want to loose the old me.”
“I’m still here, and not going anywhere. Just relax and go with it. It’s either that or end up in jail for killing someone and THAT would suck.”
“Deal.”

Becoming Antonia Part 3
By Toni Trepasso

---

 
My dreams puzzled and worried me as my exhausted body lay in slumber. I kept seeing a woman who’s face I could not see. She and I appeared to be married?

“She is so beautiful. I’m lucky to have found her. Wait a minute... this can’t be! I’m a woman now, and New York State doesn’t honor same sex marriage. But it has to be real. I mean, I can smell, touch, and almost taste her. It’s not Sarah, who is she?

My mouth went to the cleft between her legs, and just as my tongue was about to part her lips, I was brought back to reality by my mother shaking me.

“Come on Toni, get up, we have to go to the Physical Therapist’s this morning.”

“Fuck” I mumbled under my breath and got up to make my way to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and the woman standing back at me looked like hell. Actually she looked more like someone who had gone thru hell, came back, then had to go thru more hell. (No shit right?)

I finally got a good look at myself as I washed the morning out of my face. For the first time since I woke up from the coma, and found out I was a woman now, I could see that I actually did look a lot like the old me. My cheek bones were softer and a bit higher like they would have been had I been born a woman. As I looked at myself I thought how much I looked like my mom, no, more like my mom’s late sister, my aunt Patty. Then I looked into my eyes, and started to cry again. I still had dad’s eyes. All the thoughts and pain came rushing back as I just stood there and looked. I thought of all the good times. Everything he taught me. I remember learning to ride a bike, and going fishing for the first time. I remember his surprise for me when he built me my first race car at age 4. (Yes kids that young race, www.QMA.com.) Him teaching me to throw a ball and how to hit a baseball. Learning to drive a car, and even having “the talk.” My daze was broken by a knock on the door.

“Toni, you alright in there?”

“Yeah mom, just have to pee.”

“Well hurry up and get dressed, we have to leave shortly.”

I finished the morning ritual and quickly threw on a pair of capri’s and a loose t-shirt. I put on my new sneakers and joined mom as we got in the car to drive to the hospital for PT.

I started to think about how the old me would never had worn something like this. I had on pink pants and a purple shirt. (Ok, my fashion sense still sucks so sue me.) The old me usually wore blue jeans, and most of my shirts were black, with either a bike shop or race team logo on them. But this felt right. I was comfortable in the outfit and it looked good on me. My inner monolog started to hold a conversation on it’s own.

“I’m taking this better then I should be.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Well think about it. You were at a party, fell down a hill and woke up as a woman.”
“And you think freaking out will solve anything?”
“No, I guess not, but I don’t want to loose the old me.”
“I’m still here, and not going anywhere. Just relax and go with it. It’s either that or end up in jail for killing someone and THAT would suck.”
“Deal.”

We pulled up to the hospital and made our way thru security, to the Physical and Occupational Therapy wing. Shortly after we got there a woman came over and introduced herself as Kristie my PT, and lead me away for some tests.

“So I’ve been reading your file since I got it this morning Toni. And I must say, you have an interesting medical history. Tell me, how did such a slender woman like yourself ever jack for a Nextel Cup team?”

“Uh... you don’t know what’s going on do you?”

She looked puzzled. “What do you mean?”

I waved mom over and handed the therapist the photo book they gave me when I woke up. She looked at it with astonishment, and awe. Flipping back and forth several times between the male and female pictures.

“You mean this is you? YOU’RE the one I heard about from my sister in Hornell?”

I looked at her name tag. I saw her last name and realized her sister was my doctor when I was in my coma.

“Yes. And to answer your first question, THAT is how I was a jack man for a Nextel Cup team.”

She smiled and closed the book. “So tell me, what’s Junior really like?” (90% of the women I tell I was in the Cup ask about Dale Earnhardt Jr.)

“He’s a lot like his dad. A real down to earth guy who understands that the fans are what make the sport. Hell he even sat outside the Nascar office trailer one day and signed autographs for over 3 hours.” (I didn’t tell her that he did it as a form of protest against some of the officials who were trapped in the trailer for the entire time he sat there.)

“So what is it you do now for a living?”

“Well I WAS a fork truck mechanic in Oswego.”

“Ok, lets check your strength and see what we can do to get you back in the salt mines.”

She lead me over to a series of machines that would test my physical strength and endurance. I won’t bore you with the details of the tests. It’s just, lift this, push that, pull this, squeeze that kind of stuff. She took me into another room where another lady sat at her desk.

“Bonny, this is Toni. Toni, this is Bonny, our Occupational Therapist.” I held out me hand for her.

“Pleasure to finally meet you Toni.” As she shook my hand. “So what do you do for a living?”

“I’m a fork truck mechanic.”

Kristie chimed in. “Don’t forget to tell her you used to work in Nascar, Toni.”

I started to blush when Bonny smiled.

“Nascar huh? So, what’s Brian Vickers like.”

“I never had the chance to meet him. But that’s really in my past now. So what am I here for?”
“Well were going to test your manual dexterity, and see how well you can handle simple household tasks.”

I just nodded and she led me to a kitchen to open a can and then make a pot of soup. Then she had me fold laundry. Mom, always trying to be funny tells her that I was now doing something I usually never did at home. I just stuck my tongue out at her. The tests went on, with me working with smaller and smaller items ending with her having me make a paperclip necklace, which I did one handed to be a smart ass.

“Well Toni, I don’t think your accident has caused any harm to your fine motor skills, and I think you can return to work as soon as you want to.”

I smiled, and thanked her. Then she saw the book of pictures that Kristie had left on her desk, and started to look thru them. She really didn’t show any emotion as she flipped thru the book and then handed it to me.

“I was wondering how you were able to crew for a Nascar team. I guess that explains it, don’t forget your book.”

“Yeah, what a spring it’s been.” I took the book and told her the short version of what happened. Then I thanked her and we left for the lawyers office to sign the final papers to make my name change official. (Pretty standard stuff, “sign here, and here, and here.”) Then, we headed over to the DMV and got my licence changed over and had a new picture taken. I called work and told them that I would be in, in the morning to start my job again. They told me that tomorrow was just the safety meeting and I didn’t need to be in till 7.

I walked in the meeting room and you could have heard a pin drop as I took a seat with my crew and re-introduced myself. All the guys could do was just look at me and try to figure out which hidden camera show they were on.

As the meeting started the plant manager welcomed me back and reminded everyone that I was still the same knowledgeable person I was before and then pointed to my crew leader to remind him that no pranks would be tolerated. As the meeting ended some of the mill operators came over and shook my hand to welcome me back. Then Ed, my crew leader pulled me aside.

“You really doing ok as you look like you are? I mean, come on, that was one hell of an ordeal you went thru.”

“No, I’m fine Ed. I still have nightmares, but they say they’ll get better over time. We have night’s this week right? So tomorrow at 5pm?”

He nodded and shook my hand as I left to go get new work boots. I forgot about them when mom and I picked up new clothes. So on the way home I stopped at the mall and picked up and new pair of steel toes in my new shoe size.

I did the best I could to get on the night schedule, (working swing shift can suck sometimes.) and went in to work the next night a little early, so I could see if anything was waiting for me at my work table. There was nothing major going on so I just unlocked my box, and then went to the team briefing for the shift. I ended up in remelt for the night working on one of the 25000 pound trucks, so I loaded up my tools. I took a look at the work order to see what I might need, and drove my golf cart to the area of the truck and started to go thru it like I always did.
I was bent over the rear fender leaning into the engine bay, when I heard a rude comment and felt a slap on the ass. I jumped off the truck and there were two big guys standing there with shit eating grins on their faces, and there was me, with a big mag light in one hand and a big box wrench in the other.

“Alright, which one of you scum bags touched me?”

They both just smiled and started to close in on me. The ugly one made a lunge for me when I caught him straight in the nuts with the toe of my steel toe boot. The other one made a grab, but I ducked and connected with both the wrench and the mag light into his crotch.

I was looking around when I heard a beep from one of the scooters and looked up to see my boss.

“What’s going on here?”

“That bitch attacked us!” The first one said in a high pitched pained voice.

“One of these asshole’s wanted to play grab ass with me while I was looking in the engine bay, Ed.”

He instructed them to leave and then helped me finish the job. All it was, was a loose fitting on the hydraulic pump for the forks, and we had it fixed and back in action in no time.

“Maybe this isn’t such a good idea.”

“What isn’t Ed?”

“I mean you’re a great mechanic, but this is all just too weird. Maybe it’s best if you didn’t work here anymore.”

“How can you say that?”

“Oh come on. Tell me you wouldn’t be weirded out by one of the guys on your crew who you actually grew close to and considered a friend, suddenly changed into a woman?”

“You act like I asked for this to happen Ed? I’m not a trans-sexual, or a cross dresser. I’m still the same person I was a couple months ago. Just my body looks different.”

“I’ll say. Lucky for you I still think of you as Pat, and not a hot piece of ass.”

“You asshole! That’s sexual harassment.”

“Oh come on. Have you taken a look at yourself? I can’t say I blame those guys for doing what they did. I’d probably have done it myself if the thought of seeing you naked right now didn’t bring back memories of the fat bastard you used to be.”
“You piece of shit! I want a transfer, right fucking now!”

I stormed off to the managers office and found Helen, our department head there finishing up some paperwork.

“Can I help you?”

“Helen, it’s me. Toni?” I sighed. “Pat Trepasso? Remember I had an accident? I need to talk to you about a shift change.”

“Oh right. So how is your first night back going?”

“Shitty, thanks for asking.”

“Why, what’s up?”

“Well, lets see, I’ve been molested while trying to fix a truck. Then I found out my shift supervisor thinks I’m a freak, and then made a sexually derogatory statement about me being a, how did he say it? Oh yeah, ‘a hot piece of ass.’ I’m not working for that asshole another second. So either fire me, or transfer me to another shift.”

“Wow, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry that happened Toni. Can you please shut my door, and have a seat please?” I did and she offered me a coffee.

“So what are you going to do? Ed’s usually a good guy Helen, but I just can’t work for, or with him anymore after what he just said to me.”

“I understand completely. You see, you and I are a lot more alike then you think.”

“Yeah, like you changed into a woman and then got sexually Harassed by your boss.” I laughed.

“Actually when your dad worked here, did he ever talk about an apprentice he had named Harold?”

“Yeah, he said that kid was a lot like me. Only had to show him once, and he got it. Why?”

She just smiled at me, and pulled out a photo album. “That’s me and your dad when I finished my apprentice program.”

I looked at the picture and saw my dad with a young man. I looked back at Helen, and then at the picture and realized it was the same person, only a few years older, and A LOT more feminine looking.

“You’re messing with me right? What is this your brother?”

“No Toni, that’s me. You see, I had a sex change in 1973, right after your dad left for the chocolate factory. I was a trans-sexual. I always thought I was born in the wrong body. So when I could afford to fix the problem, I did.”

I was floored. I would never have guessed that Helen used to be a man. Granted, she always had a commanding presents about her, but I’d have never guessed this. I just looked at more pictures and there was even one of her with my parents at one of my birthday parties when I was a baby. This got me thinking.

If dad accepted Helen, why won’t he accept me? I know I’m his kid, but that should mean he should be more open minded, doesn’t it?

“I know this is a lot to wrap your mind around Toni. But I’ll do what I can to help you. What shift would you like to go to?”

Her question brought me out of my daze. “Huh? What? Oh, um, well how about ‘B’ shift? I’ve always gotten along with Rachel when I filled in on my days off.”

“Ok, let me call her.”

She dialed her phone and had a short conversation with the person on the other end who I could only assume was Rachel. She smiled at me and as she hung up the phone, she told me I could start on Monday, that shift had days that week, and were on their week off right now.

“So what do I do about Ed?”

“Oh, you let me handle him. Besides, I just traded you for Josh.”

“You mean ‘Mr. Fix It Again?’ wow, how does that guy still have a job with all the screw ups he’s had?”

“His uncle is the plant manager.”

“That would do it. Look Helen, thank you for helping me, and for sharing your story.”

“Hey, we girls have to look out for each other. So have you had any other problems since your change?”

“Well let’s see, my father won’t talk to me, or even answer the phone when he see’s my numbers on the caller ID. I got attacked by some asshole in a truck when I took my motorcycle out for a ride the other day. I got my ass grabbed by two thugs in Remelt. Then had to physically defend myself when they both wanted to touch me again. My supervisor, sorry, EX-supervisor, thinks I’m a freak, and told me that he’d like to jump my bones if he could ever forget what a fat fuck I used to be. His exact words mind you. Oh, and my big brother in my fraternity wants to date me. How’s that for the short list?”

“Wow, that’s a lot to have on your plate. Just know that I’m here if you ever need someone to talk to.” she said as she handed me a piece of paper with some phone numbers on it. “That’s my cell, my pager, and my home phone.”

“Thanks Helen. By the way, do you ever get wicked cramps? I woke up this afternoon, and could barely walk.”

“That’s probably a sign that your going to start your cycle hun. Yes I do get them too. The hormones they have me on gives me some of the same feelings, but I don’t bleed. I suggest you stop at the store on your way home and pick up some pads. They sell a multi-pack so you can try different ones till you find out how much you’ll flow.”

“Um, thanks.” I offered blushing. “Wow, where did the time go? It’s almost midnight. You should probably get home, your family must be worried.”

“Nah, Rachel is fine, and she knows I’m taking care of some important business. You can take the rest of the day off with pay, and if you feel up to it, come on over for dinner tomorrow. We’re having Bosco and Geers sausage on the grill.”

“Wait a minute, you live with Rachel? I thought you told me once you were married?”

“I am, we got married before I had my sex change. You can meet my girls too. Maria, and Jen are home from college for the weekend. Hey, didn’t you used to go to Alfred State?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Well you said you go back to visit your brothers a few times a year. My girls are both in a sorority. Maybe you know them.”

“I don’t know until I meet them. I’ll call you tomorrow and find out what time, right?”

“Have a good night Toni, and have a safe trip home.”

I just smiled as I changed back into my street clothes to head for home. I hopped on my bike and started to put my helmet on when I saw one of the guys from earlier driving right at me. I quickly gunned it and stomped it into gear, just before he would have hit me, with his big new truck. Since I was parked next to the guard shack, and he just couldn’t stop that fast, the truck buried itself cab deep into the new building. I started thinking to myself “Why do people keep trying to hit me when I’m on my bike?”

The guard saw the whole thing, and called the cops. It was the same guy’s who had attacked me earlier and Helen had them fired for sexual harassment. Just as the cops were showing up, Ed was pulling thru the gate with his tool box in the back of his truck. The guard told me he was also being escorted off the premises and being dismissed. I called Helen’s cell and asked her to reconsider. I reminded her that Ed was for the most part a good guy, and he had saved me from being attacked by the other two guys. She informed me that the company had a no tolerance policy when it came to that sort of thing and as a manager he had just gone thru training again for it. Every manager had since my lawyer had pressured the company to hold my job, and had made sure they were well aware of my situation. I just sighed and gave my statement to the cops, then pointed my bike home. I managed not to wake up mom or Doug, and drifted into a good sleep.

---

 
Next time: Alumni Weekend

“I guess you were right back in the hospital Brit.”

“Oh, how’s that?”

“Jamie asked if I was me, and I told her that I was still me on the inside but on the outside I was, and you cut me off to say.”

“My next girlfriend.” She cut me off again. I giggled and kissed her again.

“If that’s an invite I might have to take you up on the offer. Just promise me that you’ll be gentle. After all, I’m a virgin again... or at least I was until tonight.”

She just laughed and hugged me tight till we both fell asleep.

Becoming Antonia Part 4.
By Toni Trepasso

I settled back into the routine at work. The swing shift still sucks, being on days one time, and nights the next, but the fact that they give us what works out to 8 days off in a row each month makes up for it. Plus the most you work in a row is 4 shifts of 12 hours each. So when you look at the schedule, and ad up the time we only work around 15-16 days a month. So it’s not all bad right? This gave me plenty of time to give Cap’s tins the mural of the military patch he wanted. I even put the Campus safety emblem on the fender for him.

My new crew leader is a real sweetheart. She treats me like one of the guys but also has taken the time to get to know me, and I’ve found myself over to her and Helen’s house for dinner on the days off more and more. It’s almost like I have 3 mom’s now. Helen and Rachel both look out for me like I was one of their own.

OH, and how could I forget. Maria and Jen, their daughters? I was having a beer with Helen in the back yard when a car pulled up, and I heard two giggling girls get out. A chill went up my spine when I recognized one of the voices. It was that shrill that reminded me of Rosanne Barr on helium. I turned to watch Maria from my fraternity’s sister sorority walk in the gate, and hug Helen.

“Hi mom. HOLY SHIT! HERMES! What are you doing here?”

“Ah, so you do know my daughters?”

“You could say that. Screech and I go back a couple years. So how are things with you and Sarge?”

Maria hugged me and told me Sarge had asked to marry her. She then introduced me to her sister, and one of our newest members, Jen, or as she called her Rosie. I guessed from the girls build that they named her after the AC/DC song ‘Whole lotta Rosie.’ We ate and talked then I went home and Maria pulled me aside.

“You are coming to Alumni weekend next week right?”

“Um, YEAH! How could I miss a chance to write on the first one to pass out like we always do?”

“Ok, just checking. See you then.” she said hugging me. I got on my bike and headed home.

My lawyer called me a couple days before the end of April and told me that the University has offered a settlement. They really don’t want a lot of attention that a court case would bring so they offered half of the $25 million my lawyer was suing them for. I told him that I could live with that since I really don’t have many bills. Student loans were paid off a couple years ago, and I own my bike and van outright. Plus I’ve kept myself on a cash only basis for everything else, so no credit card bills staring me in the face either. I signed the papers at the lawyers and the lawyer for the University handed me a check for $12.5 million like we had agreed. I had my lawyer follow me to the bank where I cashed it and gave him his fee, plus a tip big enough for a good vacation for him and his wife.

I told the bank that I was going to be going car shopping and would be calling in a bit from a dealer because I was going to write a check for the amount of the new car. The manager informed me that I should probably pay with cash or a bank check that way there would be less of a problem, and asked me how much I would need. I told her I planned on buying a truck and gave her the price I researched on the internet plus about $10000. She got my money for me, and thanked me for my business. So off I went, back home to get changed into something nice to go shop for my new truck.

I pulled into the dealership in my old ‘96 Plymouth van and walked into the Dodge dealership. It kind of felt funny to ware a green sun dress and 2 inch matching heals for the first time, but I wanted to make a good impression on the sales staff when I picked out my new ride. So I started to browse the new trucks they had in. I immediately fell in love with the forest green half ton with 4 wheel drive and yes it does have a HEMI. I turned around after looking at the sticker price, and here was a sales man walking toward me.

“Shopping for a new truck for your husband, little lady?”

I shot him the look of pure contempt.

“Nope and you just lost a sale today.”
I walked past him into the show room, found the first woman who worked there, and introduced myself.

“Hi I’m Toni, and I want to buy that green half ton out there.”

“Welcome to ‘Driver’s City’ I’m Cathy, let me get you a sales person.”

“You don’t understand Cathy, I’m going to buy that truck from YOU. Is that a problem? Because if it is, I’ll take my cash and go home.”

She told me she was just the receptionist, and would have to speak to the manager. I nodded and she went off to his office. A couple minutes later they both came out and the manager introduced himself to me. I already knew who he was, I was one of his sales guys when he was selling Mitsubishi’s.

“Toni? Mike Gould, Cathy tells me that you want to buy a truck from us today?”

“Yes Mike I do want to buy a truck today, and I want to buy it from HER. Is that a problem?”

“Well Cathy isn’t one of our sales staff, let me get one of my best guys on it.”

“No. That won’t do, good day Mike.” I started to turn to leave.

“What’s wrong miss?”

“One of your sales monkeys insulted me out on the truck line earlier. Let me tell you this. I am here for MY new truck. Your salesman asked if I was shopping for my husband. THAT Mr. Gould is a dangerous assumption to make in this day and age. Now, if Cathy won’t be handling my sale, I will just take my money else where.”

The look on his face was priceless, as he asked me to point out the offending salesman. I refused and asked him again if we had a deal or not. He begrudgingly gave in and the three of us walked into his office to begin the paperwork. I told him I wanted $100 for my trade, it’s a real beater, and that I would pay sticker price for the truck. He just smiled and worked up the papers for me to sign.
“So do you want to finance with one of our banks or thru your own?” as he slid a credit application in front of me.

“No, I’ll pay cash thank you.” As I pulled out the bundle of cash the bank had given me.

His eyes nearly popped out of his head as he looked at the money. But we finished the deal, I made him put it in writing that Cathy would get the commission, and as he was wringing up the bill in the office I pulled Cathy aside, handing her $500.

“Here, this is for having to put up with the assholes you work with, I know how hard it can be, I used to work in car sales myself. You handled yourself as a true professional today. You did everything I asked. You remembered the golden rule of sales. ‘The customer is always right.’ You earned this.”

She just looked at me and slowly took the money from me. She kept saying it wasn’t necessary, even as she put it in her purse. I told her to never look a gift horse in the mouth and that I would be back to help my mom buy a car from her when mom’s lease runs out.

Two hours later, I had my new truck all washed, gassed, and ready to go. So I made a beeline for the nearest camping store to buy a tent and other things I would need for the upcoming Alumni Weekend for my fraternity.

My next stop was to the ‘Party Source’ for what else but BEER! I always brought down some local brews from around Syracuse whenever I went back to see the guys. I saw that it was the time of year for my favorites to be back on the shelves. So I got a couple cases of some area beers for the guys and a 12 pack of Wailing Wench for me. I packed up and off I went to Alfred to see the crew again.

My first stop was to the Campus Safety building to drop off Captain Brown’s tins to him. He was ecstatic at the job I did, asking me how I got such detail in the paint. I just told him I used some pin stripe brushes and other fine tip ones to get the right effect. He thanked me and I was off the meet up with the guys at the camp site.

I got there just as Opiee and Pete were setting up their tents. So I parked close and started to set mine up like I had planned in the bed of my new truck. I put my air mattress in and then pulled out the beer to get it to start chilling till the rest of the guys and galls showed up. Opiee and I started a fire and Pete collected some wood from the back of Opiee’s truck. We all sat there and just chilled.

The rest of the party started to trickle in as classes let out for the weekend and more and more people showed up as the alumni who could take half days from work started to show up as well. I started to just zone out, even as some of the founders showed and someone started to cook burgers on the grill. I just sat there and had a chance to reflect on all that has happened in the past 4 months. I’ve had a couple periods, and the lovely cramps that go along with them. Two separate brushes with death on my motorcycle. Mom and I are a lot closer now then we ever have been, but dad still won’t talk to me. This made me start to cry, but a familiar voice brought me back to reality.

“You going to go to bed, or just sit by the fire all night?” It was Brit.

“Huh? What?” I looked at the clock on my cell phone.

“I said are you going to go sleep in your tent? Or are you going to sit by the fire all night? Have you been crying? What’s wrong Hermes?”

She was the first one to call me anything but Toni in a while. So I offered her a seat next to me.

“I’ve just been thinking how much has changed in the past few months.”

“Like what?”

“Well for one thing, you remember that girl I was seeing when I was Pat right?”

“Sarah something right?”

“Yeah, that’s her, well she and I broke up when I was in the hospital and now she won’t even return my phone calls let alone agree to see me and let me at least talk to her. I just feel so alone sometimes.”

“Yeah, Jess and I broke up back at Day of Heaven*, She said she wanted to concentrate on her racing, so I feel you Hermes, I do.”

She put her hand on mine and I just looked at her with the tears still coming down. She stood up pulled me to my feet, and kissed me. I was a bit shocked at first. I mean Brit is into girls, then I had to remind myself that I’m now one of them. So I guess it’s all good.

“Where are you sleeping tonight Brit?”

“I have a tent in my car.”

“It’s too late and dark to put it up now, how about you grab your sleeping bag and join me in mine. I have an air mattress.”

She nodded and we walked over to get her things to carry them over to my tent. We climbed in, and she started to take her shirt off.

“Um, I’ve never done this before Brit.”

“What? Slept with a girl in the same tent?”

“No, slept with a girl in the same tent AS a girl in the same tent.”

She put her hand on my shoulder. “You have nothing to be ashamed of, or fear. I promise, no funny stuff tonight. Deal?”

“Deal” I shook her hand as started to pull off my grungy t-shirt and put on a clean one to sleep in, as well as some shorts, before climbing into my sleeping bag.

“Night Brit”

“Night Toni”

I don’t remember drifting off to sleep that night. However I do remember waking up in the middle of the night with Brit’s arm draped over my chest, as she softly snored in my ear. I just closed my eyes and thought how lucky I was to have such good friends around.

I was brought back to the world of reality when someone touched off an air horn in my tent and started screaming for me to get up. I stumbled out of the tent still in my shorts and t-shirt, (both embroidered with the fraternity crest on them) and proceeded to fall right on my ass off the tailgate of the truck.

“What the hell Maria? Give me one good reason not to hurt you right now.”

“Because BITCH! You’re now a pledge of Psi Sigma Psi!”

“I’m a what? Uh..... no? I’m an alumni of Mu Theta.”

“You’re one of us now!” Jamie shouted in my face.

“Now wait one minute here. Don’t I get a say in this?”

“NO!” All the sisters shouted at the same time I felt like I was in an IMAX theater.

“Ok, what do I have to do?”

They put me thru my paces. Again I can’t tell you everything that went on, but I can tell you that it was the most fun I never want to go thru EVER again. As night fell I had to make sure that everyone had a beer in their hand or a set of car keys, and that no one had both if they were planning on going back to campus that night. Then the shrill of Maria’s voice broke the calm drone of the large group by the fire.

“SHUT UP BITCHES! I need our new sister front and center!!!” (Remember, Rosanne Barr, on helium.)

I made my way thru the crowd and took my place where I needed to be. Then the girls had me get down on my knees and they put me thru the final ceremony of becoming a sister. They decided to leave my name as Hermes, because I do have quite a story to tell now. I was sung to by the brothers just like I have sung to them so many times before but they finally had a chance to use the female version of the “Drink Mother Fucker” song.

I made my way over to the pond and sat there by the banks for a while by my self, just looking at the water in the full moon light. I didn’t really think about much, I just enjoyed my beer and just relaxed for the first time since this whole thing started. I have no idea how long I was there, but I do remember Brit sitting next to me after I was there for a while.

“You knew about this didn’t you?”

“No Hermes, this is one secret they didn’t let me in on. Are you happy though?”

“Shocked is a more appropriate word. All I thought was going to happen this weekend was just chilling out and drinking beers with old friends. I never would have thought they would put me thru a hell night.”

She snuggled under my arm as I leaned on a tree, and I hugged her, then offered a toast.

“To friends. May they help all your problems get licked.”

Brit just giggled, realizing I was a bit buzzed from drinking the beer I was.

“Come on Hermes, I have something for you too.”

I followed her back to my tent. Once in side she kissed me full on the lips and I felt the cool metal of her tongue piercing parting my lips. It felt right, it felt good to be touched. Her hands went under my shirt and she pulled it off me as she broke the kiss for a moment. I pulled hers off and we entwined there on the air mattress as she became to explore my new body. Then I got scared.

“Wait.” I gave her a gentle push and we stopped. She looked at me concerned. “This is a first for me, and I don’t know what is happening, or going to happen... or... “ she cut me off.

“Toni, we’ll only go as far and as fast as you want. Just say stop at ANY time, and we will. Deal?”

I nodded and she kissed my lips again, as she held the side of my face in her hand. She turned my head and pushed me gently down onto my back. Her kisses were getting me excited in ways I’ve never felt before. As a man I know I would have been hard and ready, but this was different, it was like an old diesel engine warming up and getting ready for a long haul. Her hands were caressing my smooth skin and gently placed her mouth over my sensitive nipples. She kept sucking on them switching back and forth between the two. She reached for the tie to my warm-up pants and stopped to look me in the eyes. I nodded and helped her to get them off. I had a tingle all over as she kissed my belly, and made her way to my thighs. She paused once more and asked if I was ok. I nodded again and she pulled my thong aside and kissed my lower lips. I went rigid as I felt sensations I’ve never felt before. It was as if I had plugged into a 220 volt outlet and just let the juice flow thru my nether regions.

She stopped for a moment to let me calm down, then she kissed me there again, this time I felt her tongue piercing scrape along my hard clit, and I felt like a bomb had gone off in my body. I convulsed, and screamed. She did her best to stop and try to help me, but it was just something that had to run it’s course. I finally caught my breath and looked at her with my eyes nearly popping out of my head.

“Let me guess, that was your first orgasm with this body Toni?”

I nodded, and she giggled. I just pulled her into a tight hug, and caressed her body as she had done mine earlier. I pulled on her nipple rings, as she removed her pants. Then as I was kissing my way down her body, my mind flashed to the dream I’d been having about the mystery woman, when Brit broke the silence.

“YOU!” She gasped.

“Me? What did I do?”

“You’ve been the one I’ve seen in my dreams for the past month.”

“You’ve had that dream too?”

“What do you mean too? You mean?”

“Yup, I’ve been having a dream of holding a woman like this, and you taste and feel just like she did.”

“You do too. But I always wake up just as she’s about to kiss me there.”

“I wake up just before my lips meet your cleft too. Let’s not wake up this time.”

I smiled up at her as I kissed my way along her inner thigh and I finally make it to her moist soft lower lips I let her musky scent fill my nose and I kiss her there. She threw her legs over my shoulders and I let my tongue part her lips. For the first time I get to taste the rest of the dream, only this time it is real, and we both know it.

A while later as we both cuddled and relaxed, I kissed her on the forehead.

“I guess you were right back in the hospital Brit.”

“Oh, how’s that?”

“Jamie asked if I was me, and I told her that I was still me on the inside but on the outside I was, and you cut me off to say.”

“My next girlfriend.” She cut me off again. I giggled and kissed her again.

“If that’s an invite I might have to take you up on the offer. Just promise me that you’ll be gentle. After all, I’m a virgin again... or at least I was until tonight.”

She just laughed and hugged me tight till we both fell asleep.

To be continued.

* Day of Heaven is the day after Hell Night in the Greek system.

“Toni wait!”

This was the first time he’d even acknowledged my existence since my change, and all I could do was just turn in my seat to look at him as the tears started to roll. He opened the door and gave me a big hug, which I returned.

“Oh daddy.”

Becoming Antonia Part 5.
By Toni Trepasso

It’s been a while so I’ll give you the update. Brit and I have been seeing each other exclusively for the past year, since that night we shared our dreams in that tent. My mom simply loves her, and what’s not to like? She’s a very intelligent woman. She is finishing her Bachelors Degree in Mechanical Engineering and she’s asked me to marry her. This is not the problem I thought it would be since talking to a few friends I met during a golf tournament for work with one of our other plants in Canada. One of the other women in the foursome of myself, Helen, and Rachel, told me that her and her life partner were from the states originally too, and they moved to Canada because they recognize same sex marriage there. I spoke to Brit and told her my idea. She kissed me and told me it sounded like the perfect plan to her, so I put in a transfer to the plant in Canada. I got news that I can start 3 weeks after Brit takes that walk across the stage at graduation, and we will have that week to move to Brunswick to start our new life together. Mind you, it’s not that I need to work for the money, I already have more then enough of that to get the two of us through the rest of this life and most of the next. But I have had one period of time where I was out of work for an extended period of time, when I was helping my dad recover from the stroke he had that made me leave working in the Nextel Cup. To say that I was getting a bit bored would be an understatement. I was going crazy from not having anything to do. I had fixed everything in the house that was broke after one week, and there are only so many times you can wash a floor. So I work to keep busy, and have something to do. I hate not having something to do.

On the scheduled week off from work I get once a month, I went to visit the plant I was transferring to, to meet my new boss, and to make sure I knew how to get there. I also, as luck would have it, found a nice house near the plant and sent pictures to Brits phone using the camera in mine. She called me back in a couple minutes and told me that it looked perfect, so I called the realtor, and I bought the house.

Brit was busy for the next couple weeks with finals and getting ready for graduation, so I had plenty of time to make the final preparations for the move. I had gone to her parents house in Pennsylvania and her mom and I packed all her things into the moving van I rented. I just love her mom, she reminds me so much of Brit it’s scary. They have the same laugh and similar mannerisms. After we finished packing the van she offered me a drink. As we sat there drinking a soda together, she told me that she was happy Brit finally found a woman that treated her like a woman instead of her last few girlfriends who treated her like she was a man without a penis. This shocked me that her mother would say that to me and I actually did a spit take, spraying my soda all over the deck behind their house.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I know my daughter is gay, but you treat her like a woman. Those other girls acted like she was the man in the relationship.”

“Wow, Mary, I don’t know what to say. Um... did Brit tell you how she and I met?”

“Yes, she has told me the whole story, about how you both shared the same dream and how she was your first.”

“Um..... did she tell you anything else?” I wasn’t sure how to approach the next question I had.

“Yes Toni, I know you used to be a man. She called me that day she came to visit you in the hospital, and since then, I’ve put two and two together to realize you are the same “Hermes” she was talking about.”

I bet my face was glowing red with embarrassment right then. I mean I didn’t want to be the one to tell her mom, and the woman surprised me by figuring it all out by herself.

“And you’re cool with me being with your little girl Mary?”

“Like I said Toni, you treat her like the woman she deserves to be treated like.”

“I really care about her, and I would never knowingly do anything to harm her. I want you to know this. She means the world to me, just like I’m sure she does you. I’d never had even considered moving to another country just so I could be with a woman before.... well you know.”
“I know Toni, and I think it’s wonderful you were able to find a solution to that little problem. Sometimes this country scares me in how narrow minded it is. And can you believe the reasons they give in congress for denying same sex marriage?”

“Yeah, what ever happened to the whole separation of church and state that this country was founded on?”

She just shrugged and we sat there watching the sun go down, and finished our soda’s. Brit’s dad, John came home a while later and we all had pizza together since we were all too tired from the day for any of us to cook. After dinner Mary went for a swim, while John asked to have a word with me.

“What’s up John?”

“I just want you to know that if Brit is going to share her life with anyone, I’m glad it’s you Toni.”

I just stared at him and started to cry, realizing that he was accepting me into his family. He pulled out a tissue for me, and pulled me into a fatherly embrace.

“Thank you John, it means so much to me.” I tried to wipe the tears out of my eyes.

“I mean it Toni, you really are welcome in this house anytime, and I’m happy to have you as my new daughter in-law.”

“John you have no idea what that means to me.”

“Brit told me about the trouble with your dad. I’m here if you ever need to talk about anything.” He just hugged me tight and let me sob into his shoulder.

“Thanks John. Did brit tell you what I am doing for Father’s Day for dad?”

“No, can’t say she mentioned it.”

I started to tell him about how my dad’s first car was a ‘54 Plymouth Savoy, and how I had found one on line. I bought it and restored it mostly, but as for running gear, I knew if dad had something like this he would drive it every chance he got. This reason caused me to put a fuel injected 318, and new transmission out of a pickup in it. I also updated the suspension, and brakes so it will be able to take day to day driving if needed. I even painted it the same factory color dad used to have.

John told me that my dad was a lucky man, and didn’t know what he was missing. I told him that I wasn’t just trying to buy dad’s love. I had been working on this project since well before my change. He nodded and explained that Mary had told him all about me.

“Do you have a picture of what you used to look like?”
I pulled out my wallet and showed him the picture of me and dad at my cousin’s wedding a couple years ago. He just looked at it, then back at me, then back at the picture. He didn’t believe it was the same person, so I went out to my car, and got the photo book from the hospital. He was awe struck looking at the photos. Mary came back from her swim and asked to look at the book when he was done.

“Wow, you were a big boy, weren’t you?”

“Yeah, I guess you could say that Mary. I played rugby and threw discus all thru school.”

“When Brit first told me you used to work in NASCAR, I thought she was pulling my leg. But looking at these pictures I can see how you could have done it.”

“Yes John, I get that a lot. I mean there aren’t that many women in that field to begin with and I don’t know of any that actually go over the wall on race day. It’s fun though for me to watch the reaction of people when they find out about my racing days.”

“Do you miss it?”

“Well, yes and no. I miss being at the tracks. But I don’t miss the 20 hour days in the shop. I worked for smaller teams so we all went both ways. At the bigger shops they have a designated track crew and guys who only work in the shop to get the next batch of cars ready.”

We talked some more about the upcoming wedding and I showed them pictures of the house we were going to be living in. I then let them in on the gift I was getting Brit for graduation, a brand new Jeep. They both just smiled and said Brit would love it. I went to bed early since I had to drive to the new house to unpack in the morning.

The move went pretty smooth and I picked up the new car for Brit the day before the ceremony at the school. I put on my best suit skirt and matching heels, to meet her parents for the ceremony. Much to our shock Brit was giving the Valedictory speech. John and Mary asked me if I knew this was going to happen. I told them no, and then asked them if they had known. They too didn’t know, so we all just sat there beaming with pride as Brit made her speech and then received her well earned diploma. Brit met up with us out in front of the gym, and we all hugged, then I told her I had a gift for her. I lead her over to the Jeep that I had tied a big pink bow around.

“TONI! IT’S WONDERFUL!”

“Yeah, you can retire that old beater of your’s now.” I laughed as she continued to hug me.

“You didn’t have to do this. My car could have gotten me thru till I could afford something different.”

“You forget. We’re moving to Canada. So you’ll need something to get thru the snow.”

She agreed and we picked up her things at her room, then after a quick dinner with her folks, we were off to start our new life. We pulled up to the house a little after 8pm in the evening and made quick work to get her things into the house. We both agreed that we would just bring them in and then put them away in the morning. We went to bed and just cuddled all night. We’d be married in a week and tomorrow I was going to surprise my dad for Fathers Day.

We both got up early and had a light breakfast of coffee and toast. I pulled the car out of the garage and gave it one last once over with the wrenches, as Brit finished putting her college things away. We were off for my dad’s a bit before noon, with me in the Plymouth and Brit in her Jeep. I have to say, the old car handled the trip quite well. We got to my dad’s house, just north of Syracuse around 5pm. I had decided that I would just park out front and then tape a card with the keys inside to the back door. Things were going as planned but as I reached for the back door he stood there looking at me just staring.

“Can I help you miss?” He didn’t seem to recognize me.

“Um yes sir, I have a delivery for you.” As I handed him the card and then walked away to Brit in the waiting Jeep.

I asked her to drive off as dad came running out of the house trying to flag us down. Brit just rolled down the window, to see what he wanted. Damn her, I just wanted to make this as painless as I could.

“Brit can you please just go! Come on!” Then I heard dad call to me.

“Toni wait!”

This was the first time he’d even acknowledged my existence since my change, and all I could do was just turn in my seat to look at him as the tears started to roll. He opened the door and gave me a big hug, which I returned.

“Oh daddy.”

“Can you come in and stay a while?”

I nodded and Brit parked her Jeep in the drive way. We went inside and the place hadn’t changed a bit since I was last there. I couldn’t help but notice that there were a lot of pictures of me, apparently from time spent with mom. She must have sent them to dad to keep him up on how I was doing.

“Toni you don’t have to do this. I don’t deserve your gifts. I’ve been a fool.”

“Dad, I’ve been planning this since well before any of this happened. Remember when I told you I had bought a car in Arizona when I was out there working for that sprint car team. Well, I didn’t get my money back, I just had him ship it to a friend of mine’s shop, and we restored it. Oh, and dad, this is Brit, we’re getting married next week.”
Dad was floored. Apparently mom hadn’t told him about the engagement, and here I was after he hadn’t spoke to me in over a year, dropping the bomb on him that I was getting married, to another woman.

“I thought New York didn’t recognize same sex marriage?”

“They don’t dad, we’ve moved to Canada. We’ll be having the ceremony there next week. You’re welcome to come if you want.”

He smiled, and told me that he would call mom and see if he could ride with her and my step dad. He hugged Brit and welcomed her to the family, as we went outside so I could show him the car. He was impressed that I was able to do all this and keep it secret from him for so long. I told him that he made it easy when he stopped talking to me for a year, and laughed as I said it. I missed him so, and I know how much he had to be hurting inside. We hugged in the street and then I told him I’d call him when we got back home to give him directions to our new house. Then Brit and I just drove on home.

“I don’t know if I should be mad at you for making me go thru that back there, or if I should just hug you and kiss you all over for forcing me to stay and talk to my dad.”

She laughed at me. “Who are you trying to kid, you know you can’t stay mad at me.”

I just hugged her as she drove. “True, and don’t you forget it.” I kissed her on the cheek.

We got home sometime after midnight and both just poured ourselves into bed. I woke up in the middle of the night and realized I had a weight on my chest. I soon found out it was just her arm as she had rolled over and draped it over me, while she just softly snored. I thought to myself how truly lucky I was to have her. She helped me get thru some rough times when I first changed and now she’s helped get my dad and I back together. I can’t help but wonder what I have done to deserve such a great girl in my life, as I rolled over and fell asleep with her holding me in the spooning position.

Next Time: Wedding Bells, or Funeral Bells?

...we left the hospital, just as the police showed up.

“Toni Trepasso?”

I raised my hand and of course dad always being a smart ass did the same. The cop looked at us and asked which one of us hit a truck on a motorcycle today?

“That would be me.” I told him.

Becoming Antonia Part 6.
By Toni Trepasso

Things were going well as far as the wedding was going. The crews from Alfred are flew in yesterday. They got their hotel rooms and are coming over to the house today for a big party. Brit and I are planning on taking her new bike out tomorrow for a tour of the country side. It’s so beautiful here. It kind of reminds me of the Finger Lakes region back home. She’s excited to finally break out her new “toy” as she calls it. I wouldn’t call a Honda RC51 race bike a toy, but she’s funny like that. I just hope she’s careful on it. I know that crotch rocket’s can be more dangerous then bikes like mine.

“A toast to the brides!” I’ll never get used to that high pitched squeal of Maria’s voice.

“Here’s to our dear sisters, our dear sisters, our dear sisters. And here’s to our dear sister who’re with us tonight. They eat it, they beat it, they really mistreat it. So here’s to our new sisters who’re with us to night... NOW DRINK MOTHER FUCKER’S! DRINK MOTHER FUCKER’S! DRINK MOTHER FUCKER’S! DRINK! NOW DRINK MOTHER FUCKER’S! DRINK MOTHER FUCKER’S! DRINK MOTHER FUCKER’S! DRINK!”

It was deafening when the whole party was chanting to us like that. Brit’s and my parents just stared in awe of the whole debacle, not really sure what to think when they saw their baby girls chugging fresh beers with our arms locked elbow to elbow. We held ours up and shouted the Alfred chant of “BOOZE FACE!” This causing everyone else to drink as we did. We made our way over to the parents and all sat down for a quieter moment.

“I take it that was you’re doing Toni?”

“Heh, yeah mom, I used to sing that to the new guys at hell night, right after they got brothered.”

Mary broke in. “You have quite a daughter here Michelle, (Mom).”

“Yes I do, I thought she was a handful when she was a boy, but that was a cake walk compared to the past year.”

“Brit was the same way. We always worried about the girls she brought home. That is until we met Toni. She’s just a sweetheart. I can’t believe she was ever a man.”

Brit noticed me turning shade after shade of red and took my hand.

“Come on mom, they all weren’t THAT bad. And besides... Toni and I were friends before she changed. So that counts for something doesn’t it? Come on dear, let’s go see what trouble our friends are getting into now.”

“Probably beer pong and flip cup like always.” I said as we got up and lets the old folks talk.

“My mom can be so.....” Brit struggled to find the right word.

“Direct?” I offered

“Yeah. I guess that’s it.”

“But that is one of the things I like about her. You always know where you stand with your mom. My folks used to never tell me what they thought of my girlfriends, until after I had broken up with them. But I can assure you, my mom simply LOVES you, just like I do.” I told her as she softly kissed my lips.

The party died down around 1am. NO, they didn’t burn the house down. NO, the cops didn’t have to be called to break up anything. It was just a nice gathering of friends and family. After they all left and Brit and I went to bed cuddling together like we had done since we started seeing each other.

“You know, I could get used to this Brit.”

“What’s that?”

“Falling asleep with you in my arms and waking up with me in your’s”

“You’re such a dork, go to sleep.” she said as she kissed my cheek and snuggled into my arm.

Morning broke and we cleaned up a bit before we made our way out to the garage to give the bikes the once over safety wise. It was hard to concentrate with Brit dressed in her leather race style suit. It really hugged her slim body and really accentuated the curves. We both strapped on our helmets and fired them up. While we let the motors warm up I showed Brit how to use the two way radio I had installed in the helmets so we could talk to each other without having to yell. I had her take the lead, since she only has her permit and I have to keep her in eye sight since I have my licence.

We made our way north and she started to get the feel of her new ride as we both started to pick the pace up a bit. I relaxed and just let the road come to me, as my mind started to think about the wedding and everything else that has happened over the past year. I probably shouldn’t have to tell you that this is not a good thing to do at 70 miles an hour on some back country roads. I never saw the truck pull out in front of me. But I do remember sailing over a stopped Brit as she had swerved to miss it, (I didn’t).

I woke up just as the paramedics were getting there. Brit was kneeling over me screaming for me to wake up.

“What happened?”

“OH TONI! You’re alive.” She hugged me tighter then she’s ever done before, and the medics had to pry her off me so they could give me the once over.

The truck I hit was carrying building supplies and ran a stop sign. The owner of the company was pulling up just as the paramedics said I should get looked at in the hospital. Brit insisted I do, since she didn’t want me passing out during the wedding tomorrow. She had already called our parents who were just pulling up in my truck as they helped me to my feet. I looked over at the twisted pile of metal that used to be my bike and started to cry. Our dad’s loaded the bikes, or at least Brit’s bike and what was left of mine, into my truck as Brit and I rode away in the ambulance.

They ran a battery of tests on me at the hospital and determined that I only had a mild concussion, and could go home. I thanked the doctor and went to find Brit and our folks in the waiting room.

“Ok, let’s go.”

“Wait a minute. What did the doctor say dear?”

“That I had a concussion, and shouldn’t ride for about a week.”

She hugged me and we left the hospital, just as the police showed up.

“Toni Trepasso?”

I raised my hand and of course dad always being a smart ass did the same. The cop looked at us and asked which one of us hit a truck on a motorcycle today?

“That would be me.” I told him.

“Ok miss, what do you remember?”

“I remember riding along following my fiancé, and the next thing I know, I’m flying thru the air over the top of her. Then everything went black.”

“Were you wearing a helmet?”

I just held up what was left of the brain bucket. What once was a beautiful green helmet with a nice airbrushed mural on it, was now a broken, and badly scratched mess.

“Ok miss, the driver claims full responsibility, and the owner has agreed to pay for any damages to your motorcycle and personal effects.”

I laughed. “The bike, that I built myself is toast, the helmet was a gift from my mom, and the leathers were from my step dad. How does he plan on paying for the memories?”

“You’ll have to take that up with him miss. Here’s his card.”

I took the card and turned pale white. The card was from MY company. I had hit one of OUR trucks, and the man who the officer spoke to was going to be at my wedding tomorrow. Could this get any worse?

We went home and I got to bed early. I was bushed from the day I had, so I just took a hot bath, and turned in, in one of the guest rooms. (That whole thing about not seeing the bride before the ceremony) I made sure I was out the door early before Brit was up. Not hard to do since she went out with some of the girls for a bachelorette party. I drove to the grove where we were going to have the wedding and started to get ready, by doing my hair. This was something I hadn’t done yet. I’ve been a woman for a little over a year and this was the first time my hair was going to be anything but it’s normal straight or in a ponytail. My stylist showed up right on time and she did wonders. I told her I didn’t want to cut it, since I liked the long look. So she put it in a reverse french braid as she called it. Then she added beads to the front and top, and curled my bangs a bit. It all took about an hour, and I must say it looked good. She left and went to do Brit’s hair, who had just arrived. This gave me a chance to do my makeup and nails just right. I made sure everything was dry before I put on the dress. Britt and I thought it would be fun to get matching dresses, and shoes.

As the time drew near, my maid of honor Jamie came in to see how I was doing. She looked stunning in her green evening dress. I’d never seen Jamie in anything other then jeans and sweatshirts before today, so to see her done up like this was nice. (My maid of honor would ware green while Brit’s wore Red, since green was our house color for the sorority, and theirs was red.) I finished getting ready with Jamie helping me put on the garter and my 2 inch heels. (Brit would be in 4 inch ones to help make us look closer in height)

My dad showed up to help me put my vale on and we walked out of the room just as Brit and her dad came out. We had decided we would both walk down the isle together with our dad’s to “Here Comes the Bride.” The organist started and all eyes were on us as we made our way thru the throng of family and friends who had gathered, to stand in front of one of my brothers, Bean’s mom, Janet who I found out after we got engaged was an ordained minister and she was looking to do a same sex wedding as a form of protest. We exchanged vows and rings. I’ll never forget the look on her face, when he got to the part, ‘I now pronounce you...’, she wasn’t sure what to say. I just couldn’t help myself and started laughing. That got Brit laughing and then the rest of the party joined in. We just shook our heads and kissed our first kiss as a married couple.

As we rode to the reception hall in the horse drawn carriage that the girls in our sororities had gotten for us, Brit started to cry.

“I thought I lost you yesterday.” I just pulled her tight and wiped her tears.

“It’ll take more then that to kill me. Think about all that I’ve been through hun. I’ve been hit by race cars, thrown down mountains, landed in toxic waste, chased on my motorcycle by a deranged lunatic, and you think that a little fall will be the end of me.” I tickled her to get her to laugh.

“Hey! Come in Toni, I’m serious.”

“I know hun, I’ll be more careful from now on, I promise.”

She and I just hugged and enjoyed the rest of the ride to the party. I couldn’t help but think that she was right. I did need to be more careful now. I had a wife to look after.

To be continued...

Later that night as we both sat in the hot tub and relaxed, I had to ask Brit, who told George about my tool box covered in Billy’s work? She of course got that shit eating grin she always gets when she tries to keep a secret but can’t. I just hugged her and we went to bed for the first night as a married couple.

Becoming Antonia Part 7.
By Toni Trepasso

The reception was beautiful. Our mom’s had hired the caterers, and we had a great sit down dinner. Somehow, Brit had talked Chameleon, one of the founders of my old Fraternity, to play with his band for the entertainment. Right after both daddy, daughter dances, a man I’d never met before came up to me. He introduced himself as George Townsen the owner of the company I worked for and that he wanted to pay for the repairs to my bike.

“That’s awful nice of you, but I doubt it’s salvageable. That was a hard hit yesterday, and I doubt I can save anything but the seat off it.”

“I kind of figured that. You tool box is the one with the pictures of Billy Lane’s ‘Mis-Behavin’ bike all over it isn’t it?”

I looked at him confused. “Yes, that’s mine. Why do you ask?”

“Can you please come with me?” he asked as he offered me his hand and lead me out the door. We stepped outside just as a truck and trailer with “Choppers Inc.” pulled up, and Billy himself climbed out to shake George’s hand. George introduced me to Billy and I actually got kind of weak in the knees, finally meeting one of my idols after buying every magazine with his bikes in them, and watching every show on TV about him.

“George tells me you had a little run in with one of his trucks yesterday Toni.”

“Um, you could say that Mr. Lane.” I stammered in response.
“Please call me Billy. Mr. Lane is my father.” he laughed as he told me to close my eyes. Which I did, and could feel and hear my heart pounding as I heard the trailer door open. I heard what sounded like ratchet straps being undone, and the distinct sound of rubber rolling across a linoleum floor, (most trailers for carrying motor vehicles have this.)

“Ok, you can open your eyes now.” George told me.

I opened my eyes and had to pinch myself to make sure it was real. I was actually standing in front of Billy Lane and “Mis-Behavin” together, in the flesh and steel.

“I know it’s not the same bike you spent years building, but I hope you’ll accept this as a small token of an apology.”

I just looked at George and it took a few moments to realize he was giving me the bike I’d lusted after since I first saw it in the magazines.

“You mean she’s mine? George, I can’t. This is too much. I mean, my bike couldn’t hold a candle to this beauty.”

“No, I’ve seen the pictures, and you had a beauty yourself.”

“George is right Toni, he sent me the pictures last night, and I must say, I’m impressed. I can’t think of someone I’d rather have ride this bike. Well, other than myself of course.”

I just blushed and thanked them both. We all went back into the reception and Brit cornered me as I came back in. She had seen Billy in my magazines and knew who he was, so I introduced my wife to the bike building god, and to the man who’s name is on my pay checks. She shook both their hands and asked me where I had gotten off to. We all went back outside and showed her my new “toy”.

“Hell if I knew this was available for the one who hit your truck, I’d have never swerved when I saw it George.” she laughed to them, as I just nudged her in the ribs. We all went back in and celebrated with our family and friends, both old and new.

As the party died down, we told Billy where we lived and he agreed to drop the bike off there. Later that night as we both sat in the hot tub and relaxed, I had to ask Brit, who told George about my tool box covered in Billy’s work? She of course got that shit eating grin she always gets when she tries to keep a secret but can’t. I just hugged her and we went to bed for the first night as a married couple.

I woke up the next morning with Brit’s arm draped over me like it usually is when she sleeps next to me. We didn’t have anything to do, so I just rolled slightly to face her and snuggled with her, pulling her gently toward me tighter as not to wake her. She looks like an angle when she’s asleep, but I know she can get wild when she wants to. I just closed my eyes and drifted back to sleep, thinking about how lucky I am to have her in my life.

The sun was steaming thru the window as I woke up to an unfamiliar sensation in my crotch. I opened my eyes and realized Brit wasn’t in my arms anymore, and I was on my back. I looked down and saw her between my legs thrusting her crotch into mine. She had a series of straps around her waist, and crotch, then I saw her pull out of me, as she smiled. She was using a strap on dildo on me.

“What the hell???” I asked her confused as all hell.

“What? This? Well EVERY married couple has sex on their honeymoon. “

“Britt? Where did you get that thing? OH MY GOD! IT’S HUGE!”

I just laid there in shock as she held the faux penis with one hand. It was nearly as thick as her wrist, and looked about a foot long. I was dumbfounded that she actually had that monster in me. What I found more disturbing was I did actually like it, A LOT.

“I bought this for a wedding gift for us. I have another one if you want to use one on me later. I can show you how to use it.”

“I used to have one hun, I think I know how to use a cock.”

“No you dork, the straps. Your old one never needed straps before.”

“Oh. Um, I have to ask, why did you get one so big? I mean, that thing is a monster.”

“What? Afraid of a little cock?”

“A little one, no. THAT beast, yes.”

She just laughed at me and pushed it back into my vagina. To say I felt full would be an understatement. I felt like she was trying to shove a telephone pole into me. She went slow, only giving me a little at a time, only going deeper as she felt me relax to what I had. I just watched as more and more of the monster she was using went into me, until our hips met, and I felt the thick head brush my cervix. I winced with pain as she leaned into me.

“OUCH! What the fuck Brit? That hurts! I think it just hit something. Careful with that thing, you know I’ve never done this before. Did you have to get one so big? Don’t they make any smaller then that?”

“Sorry hun, I just thought that if it was going to be your first time, why fuck around with a dinky dink.”

“Well we should go shopping later for a smaller one. This one hurts. I think you’re hitting my hip bone.”

“No, it’s probably your cervix. I’ll be careful. I just want to make you cum before we start the day.”

“You could have just licked me like you usually do. You know THAT always gets me off.”

“Yeah, but this way, you have ammo to use on me after.”

She pulled out and put her hand around the base of the dildo. She told me this way she could make sure it didn’t go too deep. She started to thrust into me and I could feel the fire building in my crotch, and spreading throughout my body. She saw I was starting to get into it and picked up her pace. She went faster and faster as I put my legs over her shoulders. I started to pull my nipple rings and scream. She started to double pump me as my body went rigid, and with one final scream of pleasure I went limp on the bed. I was usually happy with one climax, but she kept up her thrusting forcing me thru 5 more before she let me catch my breath.

“What the fuck was that all about Britt?” I panted.

“Well I thought it was time to show you what a multiple orgasm felt like.”

“Holy shit. I couldn’t breath during that last one. I guess 4 is my limit, or are you trying to cash in on my life insurance?”

She pulled out quickly, causing me to wince in a mix of pleasure, pain and the sudden feeling of emptiness. She undid her straps and climbed next to me, snuggling in my arms and kissing my cheek.

“When you get your strength back, it’s my turn.”

We spent the rest of the day playing with the new toys she bought for us to use in the bedroom. The only break we took was to eat the pizza we had delivered, and the occasional potty break. We both passed out around midnight. Both of us exhausted, and sexually satisfied.

To be continued.

“I thought it would be bad, but I never thought we’d get swamped like this. Damn! Everyone wants to talk to us now...
Becoming Antonia Part 8
By Toni Trepasso

---

 
My cell phone woke me up the next morning, and it took a couple rings for me to find it.
“Hello?”

“Um, I’m looking for a Toni?” the woman on the other end asked, sounding not sure what to do.

“The male one or the female one?”

“Excuse me?”

“Do you want me, or my father?”

“Um, I think it was your father I spoke to, to get this number, so I guess it’s you miss.”

“Ok, you got me, so what can I do for you?”

“Ok, um..... this is Jessica Zimkin. I got your dad’s number from Kahline Verville.”

I started to think about the time I worked for Kahline in Arizona as a mechanic for her sprint car team, and how I was also there as the crew chief for the midget race car for a young driver she was the driving coach for. I left when the boy’s father took a swing at me in a drunken rage one night. He drug me out of the guest room I was using in their house and as I was trying to wake up, he started to berate me in the shop about how I was in bed and the car’s front end wasn’t back in yet. I tried to tell him that all I had left to do was bleed the brakes, and check the ride heights. That was when he took a swing at me, mumbling something about me being just another fat college boy who was too big for his britches. He always acted funny toward me after he learned I had my Bachlors Degree in Motorsports Engineering. I ducked his punch, causing him to fall face first on the floor, and out cold. I packed up and drove over to Kalines that night and slept there. The next day, Breck denied ever doing that and told me I did a good job, keeping the car running right for his boy. I of course told Kahline that I was done working for him, and I would be leaving to go back home after her last race that weekend. She told me as she dropped me off at the airport that I could use her as a reference any time, and that if she could have afforded to pay me the difference of what Breck was, she’d have kept me on as HER mechanic.

“How is Kahline doing these days?”

“She’s doing well. It seems she’s getting ready to step out of the car and put some kid from Arizona in.”

“You must mean Brendan. Yeah, good kid. Father’s an asshole, but the kid has a good head on his shoulders. So what can I do for you Jessica?”

“Um, Kahline and I met at the World of Outlaw’s race at Manzanita, in Phoenix. I told her I wanted to find a good mechanic from Central New York, I’m from Cato myself and believe in keeping it local. So she told me about Pat Trepasso, and gave me the number she had for him. I guess that would be your dad too?”

I didn’t know how I should approach this. I could just tell her about the accident, or I could just make something up, and hope she goes away. The truth is always the best policy. Then it dawned on me who she might be.

“Are you the same Jessica Zimkin that joined Pi Nu at Alfred this past spring?

“Um... yeah?”

“You know my wife then. Britt Stephens.”

“Oh my god! You’re the Toni she was talking about? Wait a minute, didn’t you used to be a guy?”

“Yes. I used to be the guy you are looking for.” to which I was met with dead silence on the other end. “Jessica? Are you still there?”

“You’re the guy who got into that toxic waste over at the “U” right?”

“Yes. So what can I do for you?”

“Well, you... er... that is to say Pat... came highly recommended by Kahline.”

“I’m still the same brain I was when I was with her, and I still turn wrenches for a living Jessica. So what is it you want to ask?”

“I’m looking for a mechanic that can take me to the next level, and I know you have Cup experience. I want you to come work for my team for the remaining Outlaw season.”

“Wow, I’m honored, but I’ll have to talk this over with my wife and see what she says.”

“Is Bunny there right now?”

“Honey, wake up. Jessica Zimkin is on the phone.” I shook Brit and handed her the phone, as I got up to pee. I came back just as Brit was ending the call and telling Jessica I’d call her later.

“She really wants you as her mechanic bad dear.”

“Yeah, but I’m not sure how I’d like working for my wife’s ex, and I can’t throw away what I have with this company. I mean, they are giving us both full health, dental, and eye coverage. Plus the pay is great, and who can pass on 15 days off a month?”

“You didn’t hear what Jessica and her dad are offering.”

“Oh? What did she say?”

“$60000 for the rest of the year, and you can re-negotiate, at the end of the season. Plus they’ll pay all the travel, and food on the road. They’ll give you a car to use while you’re with them, and you get to call all the shots with the car.”

I just looked at her for a moment, trying to take all this in. I could tell she was excited for me to do this, but I was still uneasy about making such a big change. I know we don’t need the money, but I like working at the mill. Who am I kidding I really miss the track more then anything besides when I’m away from Brit.

“What about you hun? Did she say what I should do about you? I mean, come on Brit. The Outlaws run 200 races a season, plus there’s the Nationals and the winter Australia Tour. I can’t be away from you for that long.”

“She said I can go with you. So you and I will be living and working together just like we would be if I joined you at the mill in the engineering department.”

I looked into her eyes and could tell she was excited about seeing the country and I knew she was a race fan already. So I hugged her and asked her to call Jessica back and tell her she has her girls, then I called Kahline.

“Hello?”

“Kahline, so nice to talk to you again.”

“Who is this.”

“Um, you got a couple minutes?”

“Quit playing around. Did Alan (her husband) put you up to this?”

“You knew me as Pat Trepasso. I now go by Toni.”

I told her about the accident and how I had changed. She didn’t believe me, so it told her about the time I helped her clean her shop and as we were pulling the motor mounts off one of her engines I found that all 6 mounting bosses on the block were broke. She finally believed me since she’d never even told Alan about that incident. I told her about the call from Jessica and how she’d offered me a job. She asked me if I was going to be at the Nationals in Iowa, and I told her that was going to be the first race with Jessica’s team. (Talk about trial by fire.) I asked her how things were going with Brendan and if Breck was still and asshole. She told me that Melissa left, and took the kids. She then told me that they had moved in to her house and that next season Brendan would be racing her car around Arizona to get the seat time and then the next year they were going to try to run with the “Outlaws.”

“That’s cool. We’ll have to get together at the Nationals. I’d love to see Melissa and the kids again.”

“I’m sure we can set something up. I’ll see you in the pits, and they’ll be with us for that race, so just stop by.”

“Ok, I will. Oh, and thanks for setting me up with this deal.”

“It’s all good. You’re a good mechanic, and who knows, maybe I’ll hire you away when we start racing Brendan. He always got along good with you.”

“We’ll see. I’ll let you go. See you in Iowa.”

Our plane landed in Iowa and we were met at the baggage claim area by Jessica and an older man she introduced as Tom, her dad. Tom shook my hand as Jess and Brit hugged. We collected our bags and followed them out to the SUV they had rented for us. We made small talk as we drove to the hotel.

“You look nothing like the picture Kahline showed me Toni.”

“Yeah, I get that a lot. When we get to the hotel I can show you the photo’s from the hospital right after the accident. So what do we have planned for the rest of the day? You mentioned something about sponsors yesterday?”

“Oh yeah, we just signed with Gillette for their ‘Lady Gillette” brand, and they want to meet my new crew chief. I hope you have something nice for dinner tonight.”

“Um, not really. I was expecting to just go to the track and work on the car. How formal do I need for tonight? We should have time to hit a mall right?”

“Sure. Just business casual. Nothing formal. I’m wearing a skirt suit I have, if that helps.”

“Ok, then we’ll just pick something up quick and go back to the hotel and freshen up a bit. ok?”

We pulled into the mall and did what Brit calls ‘Commando Shopping’, where you get in, get exactly what you need, and then get the hell out of there before you start to look for things you don’t. We drove to the hotel, and unpacked for our week long stay for the upcoming ‘Nationals.’ I showed Jess and her dad the photo book from the hospital and they just looked awe struck at all I’ve been thru. I told them that I am still the same person on the inside, just with different packaging on the out. Brit took this time to comment that she liked the knew body work better then the old design. (Can’t blame her for trying to get into the automotive theme, right?)

We women met the sponsors for dinner, Tom had to go see the engine builder about some new tricks for the upcoming weekend. We ladies were dressed like three mafia hit-women. All three of us had on pin striped suit jackets and matching skirts. Erica, the lady from Gillette couldn’t believe I had the experience I had in racing, so I just told her that I’ve been at this game since I was just 4 years old. I wasn’t that good a driver but I knew how to make a car go fast, so I became a mechanic. (I didn’t bother to tell her about the accident or that I’d won a couple track championships as a driver before I started to work for some professional teams.) She told us that she wanted to sign Jessica to a 5 year deal, and that they wanted to try to do something with the ‘young guns’ campaign they were using in NASCAR. We all agreed that this was a big opportunity for both their company and Jessica. We had made arraignments for Erica and a couple of the other exec’s from Gillette to watch the Nationals from the top of the hauler. She shook our hands and told us she’d see us at the track the next day for the press conference.

Media day at the Nationals is like a 3 ring circus. Photographers and reporters everywhere you look. Before the press conference Erica has set up I had a chance to find Kahline. She was in her hauler and watching a movie with Melissa, Brendan, and his sister Braden. I knocked on the door and she just looked at me for a moment before realizing who I was.

“Pat?”

“It’s Toni now, but yes, it’s me.”

She hugged me and brought me into the lounge. Melissa introduced herself and I just started to laugh, and ask her how Buddy, Dotty, and Pugsly, (their dogs) were doing. She looked at Kahline and gave her the “WTF” look. Kahline asked her why she didn’t recognize me, then told her who I was.

“Pat?”

“I go by Toni now, but yeah, it’s me.”

Braiden was the first to speak, saying there was no way I was the same burly guy who used to let her do dives off my shoulders in their pool. So I pulled out my now well traveled photo book from the hospital, and handed it to Melissa. I told her that some of the photos might not be suitable for the kids. She and Kahline looked thru the book and just kept looking at the photos then back at me, then back at the photo’s. When they finally finished the book she told Braden that I was in fact the same person who had stayed at their house while I worked on Brendan’s race cars. Then Brendan who’d been just staring at me, finally spoke up.

“There is no way you’re Pat.”

“Ok, then how about this. If you check the engine on that R/C car I sold you, you’ll find a small dab of epoxy on the bottom of the block.”

He pulled the car out of his bag, and pulled the motor out then just looked back at me as if to ask how I knew.

“Remember I told you when I sold it to you that there was a hole in the block, and that if the epoxy didn’t hold to have Alan weld the hole shut?”

He just looked at me and finally it sank in that I wasn’t screwing with him. Then he started looking at me like I would have looked at me if I were a 15 year old boy.

“Cut that out young man, I’m a married woman.”

I passed around a photo of Brit and my wedding. We all just talked and caught up on what’s been going on since I’d left. I told Melissa I was sorry to hear she and Breck broke up, and that if she needed anything to let me know. I looked at the clock and saw I had to get to the press conference, and asked them to come with me. So we all made our way to the press tent.

We met Erin for the press conference, and they announced that Jessica was the new face of Gillette. She then pointed out that I was her new crew chief, noting that I had spent some time in the Cup, and in other forms of racing. That was when all hell broke loose. There were flash bulbs going off everywhere. It seems that everyone wanted to be the first to interview the first woman driver, and crew chief combo in motorsports history. We just pushed our way thru the crowd to the waiting hauler in the infield, and tried to catch our breath, as Jessica and I sat down over a soda.

“Can you believe all that Toni?”

“I thought it would be bad, but I never thought we’d get swamped like this. Damn! Everyone wants to talk to us now. We need to get your mind right for the race though. You have a qualifying heat tonight, and I want to get you into Saturday’s show tonight. None of this farting around with having to run Thursday and Friday, just wearing out equipment. Let me go see if I can find someone who will give us a fare shake on this.”

She just nodded as I went back out to the sea of reporters trying to all talk to me at once. I looked at a young woman in the crowd and realized she was Leila from back home. I motioned for her to follow me, and I lead her into the lounge where Jess, and Brit had started playing video games.

“Leila, I promised you the first crack at a story if I ever did anything note worthy, well this is your shot. I know you’ll tell it like it is. You know Jessica, and Tom, her dad. This is my wife Brittany.”

The look on her face was classic. I guess she hasn’t met too many same sex couples before but she seemed cool about it. She pulled out her note pad and started firing questions at us all. She wanted to know where Jess, and Tom had found me? Where I was from? How long had I been in racing? Was it true I used to work in the Cup? What plans we had for the future? The she got a bit personal. How Brit and I met? How long had we been married? I let Brit answer those, since I was not being sure what she was comfortable talking about. She then started asking about my change. I told her I’d rather not talk about that at this time, but I’d call her when I was ready. We talked with Leila for over an hour. Then Tom told me we’d better get the car ready for qualifying. I called the office and asked if they could send security down to clear the crowd so we could do our job with the car, and they sent down half the Knoxville Police to help us.

Before we unloaded the car, Tom and I took a lap in the utility cart they used to push the car around the pits with. The one thing I noticed was all the standing water on the track, and I remembered watching on the weather channel that the area had gotten a lot of rain leading up to the race. When we unloaded the car I asked Tom what shocks and springs were in the car, and where they last ran. I decided to put a stiffer right rear spring on the car to loosen it up, as well as other changes to help with the sticky track we had to work with tonight, (gotta love dirt racing.)

Jessica was starting on the outside of the front row for her heat race, via a pill draw earlier in the day. We had some real heavy hitters in our heat. The series point leader, the defending race champ, and the all time leader in wins for the series, as well as 2 Cup drivers that were making one race starts for the Nationals. I just told Jess to drive her race, and forget who was on the track with her.

When the green flag flew, she shot thru the first turn like a rocket. I had guessed right on the setup and she obviously liked the way it felt. She pulled away from the rest of the field and put a lap on both the Cup drivers before the 10 laps were over. She pulled into the pits and the reporters started to swarm again. Thankfully the cops did their job and we could clean the mud off the car to get it ready for the nights feature race, a 30 lap event with the top 3 qualifying for the 50 lap Nationals on Saturday.

I snuck away and watched as the rest of the heat races ran. My hunch from that lap with Tom was looking to be right. There was so much water in the track, the track was getting stickier as the night wore on. I caught Kahline just before she strapped in for her heat and told her what I’d seen. She made a quick change and ended up winning her heat as well. By virtue of Jess having the quickest heat, and Kahline having the second fastest, they both started on the front row of the 30 lap feature. I had one extra trick up my sleeve, knowing Kahline was more experienced then Jess was. I put a slightly lower gear in the car to help get off the corner better, and it worked.

Jess to an early lead, with Kahline in second, but a couple lengths back, and losing ground little by little every lap. I was amazed that the race went all 30 laps without a caution, (not a usual occurrence for a dirt race, let alone a qualifying race for the Nationals.) Jess ended up lapping the whole field, except Kahline, who finished second, a half a lap back. It made me feel good to know that the two women who helped me get here, were both safely in the show for Saturday night.

The next couple days were a blur as we did interviews and photo shoots for the sponsor and track. When the race finally came around Saturday night, I was happy it was almost over. The track looked just like it did Wednesday, and I set up the car with what I thought would work well over the next 50 laps. I told Jess that if the track starts to dry out to just raise her wing and it would be ok.

They did the traditional 4 wide parade lap with Jess and Kahline right next to each other. I was a nervous wreck. I always am when I work on someone else’s car. I know if I drive I can have a say in what happens up until the checkered flag falls. But when I work on someone else’s car, it’s out of my hands as soon as they get in that car. I’d know in 50 short laps if I’d guessed right with the setup for tonight.

The pace car pulled off and the green came out with the ground shaking as 30 cars with 900 horsepower each roared to full song. My girls put some good distance on the rest of the field when the first caution came out 5 laps in. Someone had been too excited and spun out causing a pile up that took out half the field. They got the race back underway, and again Jess and Kahline put a sizeable lead on the rest of the field. They quickly got into lap traffic and started picking them off one at a time. I was watching Kahline and it looked as if she was either toying with Jessica, or just couldn’t pass her without hitting her and possibly taking them both out of the race. As the laps wound down they had lapped the entire field together, so as long as they didn’t crash it would be the first all woman 1, 2 finish in sprint car history. Kahline made one last run as they came to the checkered flag, and Jess just held her off. If I’d thought it was a media circus before, was I in for a shock. With Jessica becoming the first woman to win the Nationals, and me the first female crew chief to win the nationals, we were sure to be in for a lot of people wanting face time.

They interviewed Kahline and she told the reporter from ‘SPEED’ that the worst mistake she ever made was letting me go as her mechanic. I just smiled at her and the reporter turned to me, asking if it was true.

“Yeah, I used to work for that old broad... “ I just laughed. “No seriously, I loved working with Kahline, she taught me everything I know about sprint cars, and I wouldn’t be here today without her help. Hell, she’s the one who hooked Jess and I up.”

The reporter asked Jess if it was true and she explained how she met Kahline in Phoenix, and was given my name. She then thanked Kahline for hooking us up together, then the obligatory sponsor plugs. We stayed for some more pictures and then went back to load up the trailer, when a man I’d seen somewhere before came up to us and started to talk to Jessica. I helped Tom finish strapping the car down, as it dawned on me the man Jess was talking to was Richard Childress, the NASCAR team owner.

“Was that who I think it was Jess?”
“If you mean Richard Childress, then yes it was Toni.”

“What did he want?”

“He wants to offer me a test with his Busch team.” she giggled as she tried to remain calm about it all.

“Congratulations, I’m sure you’ll do fine as a stock car driver. I mean, hell if Jeff, Tony, and Kasey can do it, why not you?”

“You sound as if this is all over for us Toni?”

“Well you won’t need me around once you make it to that level.”

“You don’t get it. THIS is the reason I hired you as my crew chief. YOU’VE been there. You’ve been in NASCAR. You know how it works. You’re not going anywhere. I won my first Nationals because of you, and I’ll win my first Cup because of you too.”

I didn’t know what to say. She wanted me to stay with her for the whole ride, and I was ready to see how the better half lived since I’ve worked for the smaller shops before. Now I’d get to see how a real NASCAR team does it.

We showed up at Irwindale speedway in southern California for Jess’ test. They had already fit the seat and placed the peddles right for her in the car. I started to get a bit nervous when Kevin Harvick showed up. They were going to do some follow and chase once she got used to the heavier car. Everyone was a bit surprised at how quickly she adapted to the much heavier stock car, but I reminded Kevin that she cut her racing teeth back home racing big block modified’s before climbing into sprint cars. We brought her in for some fresh tires and to tell her what was going to happen. She was to follow Kevin for 10 laps then he would pull over and then follow her for 10 more. She was right on his bumper from the drop of the flag. She actually bumped and tapped him for the entire ten lap period. When it was her turn to lead, she pulled away from him and kept adding to the distance. You could tell from the attitude of his car that he was driving his ass off to catch her, but just flat out couldn’t. On the other hand she looked like she was out for a Sunday drive. She actually waved to me a couple times. We brought her back in and Kevin bee-lined it for Childress, grinning ear to ear as he spoke to his car owner, pointing to Jess as he did.

Needless to say, she passed her test with flying colors, and after a quick talk with Erin from Gillette, they agreed to sign on with RCR for the remainder of this season and all of next. Jess still had another trick up her sleeve. She told Richard that she’d only drive if I were her crew chief. He surprised me when he didn’t hesitate in saying yes.

We raced the final 8 races on the NASCAR Grand National West tour, and earned enough points to qualify for the All-Star shootout that pits the top drivers from the Busch East and the Grand National West against each other. I had the motor tuned just right for the thin California air, and Jess took fast time, putting her on the pole. However, they do a dice roll to see how many cars get inverted for the start. She rolled a 6 and we were going to go off from the outside of row number 3. I was pacing like a caged tiger when the green flew, but I relaxed when Jess made a nice pass for the lead on lap 20 of 150. A caution came out on lap 80, and I brought her in for some gas and two right side tires. (That’s all they’ll let you change in that series.) We left the pit in third place and she again made quick work of the two cars in front of her. My only heart attack happened when two lap cars spun right as she was trying to pass them. She somehow avoided them and when the green flew again she sailed to an easy win, by almost half a lap over second place. Richard was amped, he told us that he wanted to put us in a couple Busch races to finish the season.

We found success early and often as we won at our first race at Wisconsin. Then backed it up at Phoenix, and Miami. No rookie had ever won their first three starts before and everyone wanted a piece of both of us. Lucky for me I had Brit to keep me grounded, and Jess had her dad. As the season ended we had won 5 times in our first 10 starts and with 3 straight against the best in the Busch series, and that All-Star shoot out win. We were both on cloud 9, until we got word that Richard wanted to see both of us. It’s usually not a good thing when both a driver and a crew chief are called into the owner’s office at the same time.

Richard informed both of us that he was going to be expanding to 4 cars in the Cup the following season and Jess was going to drive it, with me staying on as her crew chief. We ended up wining Daytona, and the Brickyard, with Jess becoming the first woman to win either race, and the first EVER at Indy. We nabbed some consistent top 10 finishes and leading the points after leaving the July Daytona race, history held true, (the point leader after that race has gone on to win the Cup for the past 20 years,) and we brought Richard his 7th Cup.

“... and that’s really how it happened DW.”

“Now Toni, there is a lot of talk in the garage, some say you used to be a man, and others say you’re gay. What do you say about these rumors?”

“I say let them talk. Why is it that when a woman is successful in a field that is considered a male dominated one, they immediately start to be a target for the rumor mill? Yes, I am a lesbian, and I love my life partner, but I don’t know where people get off thinking that a person’s sexual orientation should have anything to do with how well they do their job. Let them think what they want. My results speak for themself.”

“Thank your for sharing your extraordinary rise to the top of a mostly male industry with us Toni. That all the time we have for this week, join us next week when we’ll talk to The King Richard Petty. I’m DW, saying BOOGITY BOOGITY BOOGITY! LET’S GO RACING!”

---

 
To be continued...

I got a call from mom, right after the NASCAR banquet. My dad died. He was driving back from his doctors office earlier this afternoon, after a routine check of the kidney transplant he received a few years ago. Everything was looking pretty good. However, while driving back home from Syracuse, he slumped over and plowed head long into a bridge abutment on the highway.

Becoming Antonia Part 9.
By Toni Trepasso

I got a call from mom, right after the NASCAR banquet. My dad died. He was driving back from his doctors office earlier this afternoon, after a routine check of the kidney transplant he received a few years ago. Everything was looking pretty good. However, while driving back home from Syracuse, he slumped over and plowed head long into a bridge abutment on the highway.

“The police said the witnesses told them he actually accelerated after he slumped over. They think he was already dead when he hit.” she told me. I was in shock. How do you respond to your mother telling you that your father just died in a fiery car crash. After all he went through, getting the kidney transplant, and the doctor not using enough anaesthetic, causing him to feel everything. Then having the first stroke, and recovering enough to live a normal life. Now he dies in a car crash.

“Toni? Are you still there?”

“Yeah mom. I’m still here. I’m on my way home now.” I told her as I was wiping the tears away.

“Just be careful honey. It’s snowing pretty bad here right now.”

“I’ll be there in the morning mom.”
I told her I loved her as I hung up and turned to Brit and Jess with tears streaming down my face. They both knew something was wrong, but didn’t know what, or even how to ask me. So they both just hugged me tight while I tried to regain my composure.

“What did mom want Toni?”

“Dad’s dead, Brit.”

She just hugged me tighter and started to cry with me. She knew I loved my dad, even when he wouldn’t talk to me, I still loved him. Brit told me once that I was a lot like him. We both were honest as the day is long, and would never knowingly hurt someone. You always knew where you stood with dad, but he always told you in a way so as to try not to hurt your feelings. I guess I am a lot like him. It makes sense, since he was my idol when I was growing up.

“What happened?” Jess just sat there trying to figure out what else to say.

“They think he had another stroke when he was driving back from Syracuse. He slammed head long into a bridge abutment, and was pronounced dead at the scene.” I told her sitting there in shock.

“Oh Toni, I’m so sorry. Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Not really, just be there for me as a friend, ok Jess?”

She just hugged me, as we rode in the limo back to the hotel, to get our things, and head to the airport.

When we got off the plane I started to think about all the trips I’d made when I was younger. Always going to job interviews, or races, and how dad was always waiting for me at the baggage claim to pick me up. I was half expecting to see him there this time, hoping it was an evil joke they were playing on me to get me home sooner then Christmas. As we rounded the corner after the escalators, there was mom and Doug waiting for us. Mom just ran to hug me as the tears rolled down her face. We got our bags and they drove us back to their place. I didn’t sleep that night. I hadn’t slept since mom’s call about dad, but that night I just thought of all dad and I did together. All the good times we shared, and how after his transplant he was like the guy I’d remembered from my childhood. Always doing things, and on the go. We’d been to a lot of races together, and many of the Syracuse University football games. The thoughts came fast a furious as all the images came flooding into my mind. I must have passed out at some point, because I woke up with Brit gently shaking me.

“Come on Toni, wake up. We have to get ready for the wake.”

“Huh? What time is it?”

“Almost noon, the wake starts at 3, with family visitation at 2.”

“Ok. Wow, I guess I needed some sleep.”

“Yeah, you’ve been out since around 3am. I figured I’d just let you sleep. You needed it.”
“Thanks hun.”

I got up, and took a long hot shower. Trying to collect myself for seeing the rest of my family for the first time since my change. My inner voice was arguing with itself again.

“What are they going to say?”

“Forget about them, this is about dad. Not your aunt and uncle.”

“Yeah, but I don’t want to create a scene.”

“YOU won’t. You’re just there to show respect to the man you’ve looked up to your whole life.”

“Yeah, but what if they do something?”

“Let them try. Just stay cool you can handle it.”

Brit knocked on the door and asked if I was alright. I told her I was fine, and I’d be ready shortly. I wore the same suit skirt set I’d worn to meet the sponsors when I’d started with Jessica. It seemed fitting since it was all black, and gave a professional appearance. Mom gave me a black vale to wear, but I told her I’d do that at the funeral. Today was not about morning, it was about celebrating dad’s life.

We pulled up to the funeral home, and the rest of dad’s side of the family was already there. You’d have thought Hitler had pulled up, from the nasty looks I was getting. I know I was never the favorite of the family, but from the way they were acting towards me, you’d have thought I had killed my dad. I just nodded to them as I walked into the parlor where dad was on display. I tried to hold it together, but started balling my eyes out from the moment I looked in the casket. I only wanted to see him one more time, and be able to tell him I loved him. He looked like he had when I saw him right after his stroke, in the hospital. They had him sedated, and he was sleeping comfortably. That’s when it all came rushing back to me.

As I looked into his casket, I could see in my mind, all the good times. How we’d spend hours fishing when I was a kid. Just sitting there talking as we waited for a bite. I could see the look on his face as he taught me to ride a two wheeler. I could feel him hug me when I won the Eastern Grands when I was racing quarter midgets. I could feel him hug me when I made my first goal in soccer. I could feel him hold me when I crashed my car and had to be taken to the hospital with a broken arm. I could see the look of pride in his eyes when he shook my hand the day I earned my college degree. I could hear him boast to all his friends when I signed on with a NASCAR team. I could feel the pain he felt when he returned home after his stroke, and I had to cook and clean for him for the first few months. I saw the joy in his face when he passed his driving test after the stroke, so he could get his freedom back. And I remember the look of pain on his face when he ran up to the car that Father’s Day two years ago, when we started talking again. I started to go weak in the knees when I felt him hold my arm as he walked me down the isle. And holding me close as I rested my head on his shoulder during the father daughter dance. He was really gone. My father, my hero. He was gone.

Just then, the funeral director came up behind me and asked me to leave.

“Why?”

“Miss, this is for family only. The public viewing is not until 3.”

“This is my father!” I told him as the tears started to roll down my face.

“I was told by his sister that he only had one son who died a couple years ago.”

I became furious. Brit noticed this and as I was about to say something, she pulled the funeral director aside to tell him the whole story. She even showed him the photo book from my stay in the hospital. He looked at her, and shook her hand. Then he came over to me.

“Ms. Trepasso, I’m sorry about that. I was only going on what I’d been told.”

“I don’t blame you. The family treats me like I’m dead, so I guess this makes sense." I took a deep breath and asked the important question. "Since I’m his only child, do I have a say in who can see him?”

“Yes, that is the policy.”

“Ok, then no one out there right now gets to see him.”

“Miss, I can’t do that.”

“You just told me you could.”

“I mean, your aunt and uncle are the ones who reserved this parlor for the wake.”

I reached in my purse and pulled out my credit card. “Refund them their money, and put all the charges on this.”

He looked at me for a moment then took my card and did as I had asked. You could hear the uproar as he told the family that they weren’t allowed to see my dad. My aunt was outraged and threatened to call the police. He informed her that these were my wishes and that she was going to have to leave. Just as I walked over to stand in the doorway.

“You little slut! Who do you think you are?”

“I don’t think. I KNOW I’m my fathers only child, and YOU aren’t going to see him until you respect me as the same person who used to baby sit your kids, and mowed your lawns, and help you set up your trailers when we’d go camping.”

“You aren’t Patrick. He’s dead.”

“You’re right. Patrick died when you killed him, and every memory of him from your lives. And just like you killed him, you can just kill the memories of my father.” I spat back at her as the tears started to roll down my face.

My cousin Julie came up to me and asked to talk in private. Jules and I were like brother and sister growing up. We were the closest in age of all my cousins and always hung out together all through school. She was a nurse and knew some of what had happened to me, so she was a bit more open minded then the rest of them.

“Pat... er.... Toni? Is it?” I nodded to her. “Look, we’ve always been close.”

“Yeah, we have Jules.”

“This isn’t right. My father is your father’s brother, and she’s our aunt.” she said pointing to aunt B.

“And?” I asked.

“Would your father want this?”

“Probably not, but what else can I do? The funeral director was trying to ask ME to leave. I just wanted them to see what it felt like. I plan on letting them stay, but this shit has to end. HERE, AND NOW.”

“Let me handle this”

She went back to the family and told them all that they were being stupid about what had happened to me, and how they were treating the whole situation. She reminded Aunt B, that she was still my god mother, and that I was still the same person on the inside as I’d always been. Julie always had a way of convincing people to see things her way. I always told her she should run for president.

Aunt B came over to me. I could see that Jules’ words had touched her, and she hugged me.
“I’m sorry for being an stubborn old bag, Pat.”

“It’s Toni now Aunt B. And we’re still family. There is nothing to forgive. Come on, lets go say good bye to dad.” I told her as I hugged her.

We held dad’s funeral a couple days later in the same church he’d grown up going to. Since the ground was frozen and it was the middle of December, we’d have to wait to burry him till spring. I stayed around and tried to get the house in order, packing dad’s things away, and cleaning up almost 40 years of belongings from the place. A lot of it went to the Goodwill, and Salvation Army, I had the family come over and take what they wanted since I’d already done the same myself. The I contacted a relator, and had them put the house on the market. Brit and I went back down to North Carolina to get back to work.

I was going through an old box of cards dad had saved. I guess I just couldn’t bring myself to throw them out since they were so important to him. While glancing through them a little picture fell out of one, and I picked it up. It was of my Ex, Sarah holding a small child and on the back were the words, “First Christmas.” I thought it kind of strange for dad to hold on to it all these years but Brit informed me that we needed to get to the shop soon, so I put it back in the box and tried to think about what needed to be done for Daytona.

We were having a pit crew practice when our catch can man showed up on crutches. He said he was skiing, and broke his leg in 3 places. We were in trouble now. The season was fast approaching and we needed someone fast.

“I can do it.” came a voice behind me. I turned to see who it was.

“Brit? You want to go over the wall?”

“Why not? You did it?”

“Yeah, and I also got hit by my share of cars along the way too.”

“But I’ll be at the back of the car not running around the front like you used to.”

She had a point, and she had been filling in during practice when our regular guy couldn’t get off work. I talked to Richard about it and he agreed to have her do it. So it was set, and now all that was left was get the cars ready for Daytona.

We unloaded and were the car to beat right out of the box. The guys in the body shop gave us just what we needed for the cool February Florida weather. We didn’t take the pole in qualifying, but we did get the other front row spot. We’d be starting next to our teammate Jeff, in the 31. We both raced well in the 150 lap qualifying races that set the rest of the field. Jess kept the car out of trouble and showed she could race well in the pack. On the day of the race I saw on Brit’s face she was nervous, so I tried to calm her a bit before we left for the track.

“Penny for your thoughts?”

“God Toni, I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”

“You’ll be fine, you’ve done it thousands of times in practice.”

“I just wish I had your confidence. You look like a woman who’s calm and cool when you’re sitting on top of that pit box.”

I laughed. “If you only knew. I’m usually so nervous during a race that I almost pass out from the stress. Look, you’ll do fine today. Trust me.”

She smiled and we headed to the track. The race was going well, with all 4 cars on our team in a break away pack from the rest of the cars. We all ducked on to pit road for a green flag stop. I’d talked to all the other team crew chief and we all were going with 4 tires and pack it full of gas. A few guys from the chase pack came in for their stops. Apparently they were going to try to tack on to our group and see what happened later in the race. Our stop was going well. Brit hit her marks just like the rest of the team did, and they were dumping the second can of fuel in just as all hell broke loose.

I heard over my radio that I had set to the broadcast coverage that there was trouble coming out of turn 4. I looked up just in time to see cars scattering with smoke and the sound of screeching rubber. Some of the cars had shot down pit road to try to avoid the crash, but a couple of them tangled as they tried to do this. I looked up in time to see one car slam into the back of ours, knocking it off the jack, and pinning one of the tire changers under the car. I looked around to assess the casualties, but couldn’t find Brit.

The rescue team got to us and they lifted the cars apar with a couple tow trucks. Under the rubble was a limp lifeless body in a fire suit, holding the remnants of a catch can. I tried to see if she was alright, but the officials and rescue workers held me back. All I could do was watch as they pulled off her helmet and check for her pulse. I could see from the looks on the faces of the workers that it wasn’t good. They didn’t even bother putting her on a stretcher as they loaded her in the ambulance. Richard had one of the guys drive me to the hospital, as we followed the ambulance in my car.

I sat in the waiting room a nervous wreck. Brit was my everything. She is the main reason I’ve kept as sane as I am over the past few years. I just couldn’t think about life if she were gone. A doctor came out and pulled me into a private room. He told me she was dead. For what it’s worth, he told me, she died at the moment of impact, having been crushed between two cars, with one stopped and the other going over 100 mph.

I wish I could remember more about that day. I kind of went numb from the shock of losing my soul mate. I know I left the team in the days following the crash, and that Jessica helped me get through as much as she could. She was always around when she didn’t need to be at the track, and we’d just sit there talking.

I just kind of fell into a funk, not wanting to leave the house, or do anything. People would call and I’d let the machine get it. People would stop by and I’d just not answer the door. Then one cold November day, as I came out of the bathroom, Jessica was standing there.

“You look like shit.”

“You know Jess, you’re not the first person to ever tell me that. How did you get in here?”

“You gave me a key a while back, remember? How have you been holding up?”

“I live.”

“You call this living? When was the last time you left this house?”

“Um, last week, I had to go to the store for milk.”

“This isn’t healthy. Besides, what would Brit say if she saw you this way.”

I started to cry. “I miss her Jess. It’s my fault she’s dead.”

“You didn’t kill her. It was an accident.” she told me rubbing my back.

“I might just as well have. I never should have put her on the crew.”

“You know as well as I do that if she hadn’t joined our team, she’d have pestered Jimmy, Buzzy, or Greg to get on theirs. She was a lot like you are. Strong willed and thick headed sometimes. Have you even seen the footage of what happened?”

“No, I just can’t bare to watch it.”

“You need to see it. Trust me.”

She put the DVD in the player and brought up the part of the race when it happened. The rear tire changer was coming around the car just as the accident happened. I saw Brit look over her shoulder, and then shove the tire changer out of the way. She had saved his life, as she gave up her own. I was floored. My late wife, who I’d been morning all these months was a heroine. She had saved the father of 3 from being crushed by the car careening toward them.

“I didn’t know.”

“Neither did I till my dad showed me the footage. NASCAR wants to re-name the sportsmanship award, the Brittany Stephens-Trepasso Memorial Sportsmanship Award.”

“Wow, so they want to honor her that way?”

“Mike Hilton said she gave the ultimate sacrifice to save a fellow competitor. They want you to present the award next week at the banquet.”

“I don’t know Jess. I haven’t done anything since Brit died, and I don’t know if I could hold it together long enough to make a speech.”

She placed a hand on my shoulder. “Girl, if anyone could pull it off, you can. I’ll even help you.”

“Alright, what’s first?”

“Your hair. When was the last time you had it cut or styled?”

“Um, before last years banquet.”

She told me to get dressed and took me to a little salon near my home. She had the girls give me the full treatment. I’ve never had a full salon experience before. The facial, pedicure and manicure. They had to put acrylic nails on since I’d been biting mine for the past few months. I had to admit it felt good to get out and be pampered for once.

“Wow, you look good girl.”

“Thanks Jess, I needed this.”

“Come on, we have to go shopping. You need a new dress for the banquet.”

So we went to a little shop Jess knew of near the shop, that a wife of a driver started so the wives and girlfriends of the drivers would have the latest fashions to wear for special occasions. I tried on a few, but a nice business style black number spoke to me when I tried it on. I ended up with that one and a nice pair of shoes to go with it.

“So I’ll see you in New York?”

“I’ll pick you up in the morning at 7am Toni. We have a 10 am flight.”

“You already booked my ticket? You didn’t even know if I’d say yes to this whole thing.”

“In the three years I’ve known you, I had a hunch you’d say yes to this. I’ll see you in the morning.”

I hugged her, and she drove off back to her place to finish packing. I got busy doing the same, since I’d be in the city for a whole week. I packed a bag of casual things, to just bum around in, and then put my suit skirt and the new dress in my garment bag. I went to bed that night and woke up with a start at a bright light in my room.

“Who’s there?”

“Just me hun.”

“Brit? Oh wow, I just had the wildest dream. It really scared me. You had been killed at a race.”

“Um, it wasn’t a dream Toni. I am dead. I just wanted to thank you for doing this. I’m glad you are presenting the award named for me.” I started shaking as her words sunk in and I realized I was talking to a ghost.

“This isn’t funny Brit. This has to be a dream. Either you’re dead, and I’m hallucinating, or you’re alive and messing with my head. What did I have to drink last night? My head is starting to hurt.”

“You had a cola, and a glass of water before bed. I’m not messing with you. This isn’t a dream, and I really am dead. I know this is hard for you to comprehend, but I just wanted to see you, and tell you that I’m glad you have a reason to stop mourning. I’ve been able to move on from limbo now, and I’m finally at peace knowing you can start to move on with your life.”

“Brit, I’ll never stop loving you. I’ll never forget what you mean to me.”

“I know, but there are ways to do that without feeling sorrow. Remember the good times, and all the fun we had. Use that as a tool to move on and be happy with the rest of your life. You have a lot left to do before your time is up hun. And I’ll be right here waiting for you when you get here.”

“How do you know all this?”

“You’ll just have to trust me. You have a lot more in store for you then you’ve ever dreamed possible. One more thing before I go. Sarah really misses you a lot. She is the key to the rest of your life.”

“What the hell does that mean?”

“You’ll know when it’s time. I have to go. Remember, I love you.”

“I love you too Brit.”

And just like that she was gone. The room was dark again and it was still the middle of the night. I tried to get some sleep, but my mind kept racing about what Brit said.
“What did she mean about Sarah being the key? What kind of key? What do I have left to do with my life? I’m not sure I really want to “move on.” I’ll always love Brit. There is nothing in this world that will change that. I used to think I knew what love was, but I was wrong until I met her. She was my everything, and nothing will change that."

My alarm went off and I quickly got dressed and ready for the airport. Jess showed up a little before 7am, and we got my things in her car, then headed off from my home in Conover, (just outside Hickory) to Charlotte to catch our flight. I dozed off on the two hour jaunt from Charlotte to JFK. I woke up just as they made the announcement for final descent. I looked over and Jess was snuggled against my arm, holding on to me like a teddy bear. I woke her up.

“Jess, come on wake up. We’re almost in New York. We need to get our seatbelts on.”

“Huh? Ok, I’m awake. I had a nice dream Toni. I’ll have to tell you about it sometime.”

“Ok, by the way, which hotel did you say we were staying at?”

“The Four Seasons”

“Nice. How can you afford that? What, did you have a good season or something?”

“You didn’t follow the tour did you? I won my second cup.”

“Congratulations.” I hugged her as we started to land at JFK.

We got our bags and the rental car then headed off for the hotel. Jess told me that we were going to be sharing a room. I told her it was fine with me.

“It’ll be like when we were running with the Grand National West guys. Remember those dives we used to stay in?”

“Yeah, how can I forget that time in Phoenix Jess?”

“Oh yeah, I wonder if that guy at the hotel bar ever got his nuts out of his throat?”

We both laughed as I started think back to that race in Phoenix when we had a problem with some local red necks at the hotel bar. This one guy saw Brit and I kissing and he started making drunk comments about the “fag girls.” I got up to have words with him and he ripped my shirt at the chest, exposing my breasts to the whole bar. I just reeled back and kicked him as hard as I could in the balls with the toe of my steel toe boots. He fell like a sack of wet mush to the floor and we just left him there, holding his crotch and gasping for breath. Brit suggested that his nuts must be in his throat by now.

We started to unpack in our room. We spent the rest of the day just relaxing and playing video games. It started to feel like the old days when we’d get rained out at a track and spend the day just playing games at the hotel to pass the time.

Jess told me that we had to meet Richard for dinner that night, so I put my suit skirt on and we went to meet my old boss. Richard hugged me and complimented me on how good I looked.

“Well I haven’t really done much over the past few months.”

“Look, I’m sorry about what happened at Daytona. If there is anything I can do, just let me know.”

“Thanks Richard. I’m doing better now, and Brit’s in a better place. I’ll always love her, but I know my time isn’t up just yet.”

We sat down and they caught me up on what I’d missed over the past season. They told me that Jess was going to be leaving for CHIP GANASSI RACING for the next season, and as if on cue, Chip showed up and sat with us.

“Toni, good to see you again. I’m really sorry about what happened at Daytona. All the guys in the garage thought of you and Brit as the little sisters we never had. Where have you been hiding?”

“I’ve just been home. I kind of fell into a funk after it all happened. Jess finally got me out and back into society again.”

“Well good to have you back with us. Let’s eat.”

We had a nice meal, with some light hearted conversation about nothing in particular. When we finished eating, Richard excused himself and left for the night. He said he’d see us tomorrow at the banquet. Chip looked at me and asked me if Jess had told me the news.

“Yes, she just told me before you showed up that she’ll be driving for you next season.”

He looked at Jess. “You didn’t tell her the rest of it?”

I just looked at them both. “The rest of what?”

“Jess is going to drive for me at INDY next season.”

“She’s WHAT?” I turned to Jessica. “You’re WHAT?”

“I’m going to take my two Cups and move to the IRL.”

I was dumbfounded. Usually it happens the other way. Drivers usually leave other series like the IRL, (Indy Racing League) and come to NASCAR. Hell, Juan left Formula 1 to come here. This is something you don’t normally see in the world of racing. I was just sitting there trying to take it all in.

“I want you to come with her Toni. I want you to be Jess’ crew chief at INDY.”

“Wow Chip I’m honored, but I know nothing about those fragile toys you guys call race cars.”

“It’s the same basic stuff really. Just make the car go fast, and handle. It’s the same things. 4 tires, 4 shocks, and 4 springs.”

“And three wings.” I interjected.

“It’s not that bad. Tell you what, how about you come to the test at Homestead and try it out.”

I thought it over for a second. “Ok, just to see what it’s like.”

We shook and Chip paid the check. Jess and I went back to the hotel and relaxed in front of the TV.

“You could have warned me.”

“What?”

“I said you could have warned me about all that.”

“Oh, come on. When have you ever backed down from a challenge Toni?”

“That’s not the point. I don’t know if I can force myself to get back on top of a pit box.”

“You’ll do fine. For what it’s worth. Chip is right.”

“How’s that?”

“You and Brit are like the sisters I never had.”

I started to cry and we just held each other for a while. The hotel was playing “Le Mans” with Steve McQueen on there movie channel and we just sat there watching all the classic old iron being pushed to the limits. I don’t remember falling to sleep, but I woke up around 2am, and Jess had snuggled against me, again holding me like she would a teddy bear. I tried to wake her up to go to bed, but she was out like a light. I did my best to extract myself from her grasp and then placed an arm under her shoulders and the other under her knees, and lifted her off the couch. This was so much easier when I was a man, but even now, she wasn’t that heavy. Lucky for me, most race drivers are in good shape, and many are smaller in stature. I laid her down on the bed and pulled the covers over her. We had both changed into our PJ’s before sitting down to watch the movie. I looked at her laying there and started to think about what Brit had told me. I knew something was about to change in my life, again, but I was too tired to try to figure it out. I just climbed into bed next to Jessica and drifted off into dream land.

I awoke with a start when the phone rang. It was our wake up call, and just in time too. I was having another nightmare. This was a new one. It had started a lot like the one Brit and I had shared a while back, but this one was ending poorly.

Jess had again snuggled against me in the middle of the night and I could tell from her face she was having a bad dream too. I shook her gently to wake her.

“Jess. come on Jess, wake up. We have to be at the Today show in an hour.”

“Huh? What time is it?”

“Almost 6am. We have to get going.”

“Oh Toni. I had the worst dream last night.”

“Yeah, I had one myself, but let’s not worry about that. You have to take Al Roker for a ride in your car today down Broadway.”

She hugged me and we both thrashed to get ready for the appearance on the Today show. We both looked like casual business women as we raced down stairs to the waiting limo. We were met at the studio by the show producer and ushered into the studio where they were doing the live broadcast. They were in a commercial break and Jess was going to be on next, talking about winning her second cup. Then after a short break she was going to take their weather guy on the ride of his life thru down town.

“Joining us now is two time Nextel Cup Champion Jessica Zimkin. Welcome Jessica.”

“Thank you for having me.”

“So what’s it like to be a woman at the top of a traditionally male game?”

“Does it matter if I’m a woman? I just love to drive, and I’ve proven that I’m just as good as most of the men out there.”

“True. So two cups in your first two seasons. Has that ever been done before?”

“No, not as far as I know. But then again, most rookies never had the crew and crew chiefs I’ve had along the way.”

“You bring up and interesting point. You started the season with the crew chief you won last years championship with Toni Trepasso-Stephens right?”
“Yes I did, but she left the team after her life partner and my good friend Brit Stephens was killed at Daytona when she jumped in front of a car heading toward our car to shove another crew member out of the way. NASCAR is re-naming their sportsmanship award in her memory, and Toni will be giving out the award tonight.”

“Is Toni with you here?”

“Yes she is. Toni? Come on out here.”

I was trying to find a hole to crawl into when one of the stage managers pulled me out of the back and shoved me in front of the camera. They handed me a cordless hand mic.

“So Toni, where have you been? I’ve been told you were in hiding since the crash.”

“Not hiding, more along the lines of mourning. I just didn’t want to deal with anyone since I’d lost my best friend.”

“Have you seen the footage of the crash.”

“Yes I have. Jess forced me to watch it a couple days ago.” I shot her an ‘I’ll get you for this’ look.

“So you know that the entire sports world has been dubbing Brittany as a hero.”

“No I didn’t know that, but I can see why. The man she pushed out of the way is a father of three, and he and his wife had another on the way at the time. I’m sure they’ve had the baby by now, but I haven’t had the chance to talk to them. I hope Jim and Kathy will be there tonight so I can talk to them both.”

“So Jessica, you’ve won two championships in one of the toughest series in the world. What’s next?”

“Well, I’m leaving Richard Childress Racing and going with CHIP GANASSI RACING next season.”

“So you’re going with a competing team then?”

“Not exactly. I’m leaving NASCAR. I’ll be driving their INDY car next season in the IRL. Chip was going to make the official announcement later today.”

“You heard it here first. Nextel Cup Champion Jessica Zimkin is leaving NASCAR to chase her dream of an INDY 500 win. We’ll be back after these messages with Jessica taking Al for a little trip down Broadway.”

The hosts shook our hands and we went outside for the next segment. The team had fitted one of the cars with a passenger seat and Al was being strapped in when we got there. Jess started to climb in and I stopped her for a moment. I kissed her on the cheek.

“What was that for Toni?”

“For making me do all this.”

“You deserve it. I’ll be back in a few.”

She strapped in and put her helmet on. They came back from break and Al talked up the ride he was going to get. They had patched the mic in his helmet into the air feed. He and Jess were chatting about what it was like to drive one of those cars. She fired up the engine and gunned it a couple times. The noise was deafening with the exhaust noise echoing off the tall buildings around us. She asked Al if he was ready.

“No, but that’s never stopped me before. Hit it.”

And she did. She left like she was leaving a pit stop. The tires smoking as they rocketed down Broadway. The crew had set up cameras along the route to follow them, and they had put the cameras in the car to capture the whole thing on tape for later. I was watching in a monitor as the NYPD started chasing them. Jess pulled over to the curb and the officer walked up to the car. You could hear the whole thing on the mic from her helmet.

“Is there a problem officer?”

“Do you know how fast you were going miss?”

“Sorry, no officer. They don’t put a speedometer in here. They say it’s not safe to look at that when you’re going as fast as I do.”

“Ma’am, we clocked you at 150 mph. That is five times the legal limit in the city.”

“But officer isn’t there something I can do?”

“Well, I’m in a good mood, I’ll let you off this time with a warning, just slow it down and get this thing back to where ever it came from.”

“Ok, thank you officer.”

She fired it back up and dumped the clutch spinning it around in a 180 to head back to the studio. The cop was in shock as she had just spun around him and was off like a shot. They pulled back to the studio and she slid in to a stop right where she’d started from. Al tried to get out of the car, but his hands were shaking too much to undo the seatbelts. We left as they went to another break, and headed to meet up with Richard for the parade down Broadway with the rest of the ‘Chase for the Cup’ top 10.

“You know, I think you made that poor guy piss himself.” I told her with a giggle.

“Nah, I didn’t push it that hard. He’s fine.”

“What am I going to do with you?”

“Love me?”

I just looked at her in shock. Brit had used that line on me before. I know she’s a friend, and I have grown very close to her since the crash, but am I ready for this?

“Go on, you have a parade to lead.” I told her with a hug.

This time when she drove down Broadway, she was following a police escort and idling as they made their way to the Waldorf, where the Banquet would be held tonight.

We made our way back to the hotel after a short press conference, and autograph session. I must say Jessica looked stunning in her baby blue evening dress. I put on a bit of makeup and helped Jess with her hair, then we got in the limo and headed to the Banquet. I was just like it was last year, except for me missing Brit. We both sat with the crew at the head table and ate as the show started. The TV crew went to a break and one of the people running the show came to get me. I was going to be handing out the sportsmanship award next. I had no idea who was getting it, but I did have a little speech ready.

“Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm round of applause for last years Nextel Cup winning crew chief Toni Trepasso-Stephens.”

I made my way to the podium. “Sportsmanship. Webster’s defines it as ‘ a person who takes part in a sport, especially as a professional, or a person who behaves sportingly.’ What it means to us is a competitor that goes above and beyond the call of duty to help a fellow competitor in a time of need. We see it every day in the garage. One team is having trouble or breaks a part, and another team lends them a new part or a tool to help get that team back out on the track. In my life I had never met someone who exemplified this more then my late life partner. She was always willing to lend a hand to anyone who needed it. Even if there was friction between herself and that person. She had helped me through one of the most difficult times in my life, and for that I will always be thankful to her.” I started to cry. “So I present to you this years recipient of the Brittany Stephens-Trepasso Memorial Sportsmanship award.”

I looked over my shoulder to the large screen behind me as the presentation started. I was shocked to see Brit’s baby pictures start to show. I didn’t really pay attention to the words being said, all I could do was think back to all the good times. Then they showed pictures of Brit and I at Alfred, and hanging out at her parent’s house,then of our wedding, and our honeymoon in Hawaii. I almost completely lost it, as I swear I could feel her hand on my shoulder. They finally showed a picture of her at Daytona in a team uniform, and I heard the voice over.

“Brit was taking from us this past February as she was saving another crew member from being hit by a car that was skidding out of control toward him. She gave up her live so he could live his. This years recipient of the Brittany Stevens-Trepasso Sportsmanship Award is Brittany Stephens-Trepasso. Here to receive the award for her late wife is Antonia Trepasso-Stephens.”

I turned back around and the whole room stood up applauding. That was the last thing I remember before everything went black. I woke up sometime later on a couch with a paramedic looking me over. I pulled the oxygen mask off my face, and looked around. Jess, and Richard were standing there.

“What happened?” I asked still trying to shake the cobwebs loose

“You fainted.”

“You could have told me they were doing this Jess.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise.”

“You’ve known me for over three years now. You know I hate surprises.”

“I’m sorry. Are you feeling better?”

“Yes, it was all just a lot to take in.”

“I’ll leave you two alone.” Richard told us as the paramedics left with him.

“You could have at least given me a heads up. It was almost painful to watch all those images on that screen.”

“I know. She was a great girl, and so are you.”

“You know, I should be pissed you did all this. But I’m glad you finally got me out of the house, and back in the flow of life. Thank you.”

“I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for you. Thank you Toni.”

We hugged and then she helped me up. We hailed a cab, and went back to the hotel for a good nights sleep, at least we tried to get a good nights sleep. I had the same dream again. Jess and I were getting along great. Then we were at INDY and all I remember before I woke up was her car went airborne at over 200mph. I woke up at the same time Jess did, and she was holding me tight as she did.

“OOOF! What the hell Jess?”

“Sorry, bad dream.”
“Yeah, I had one too. It’ll be alright. Come on, let’s try to get back to sleep, we’ve got an early flight in the morning.”

She kissed my cheek, and snuggled against me as she drifted off in to sleep. I just lay there thinking about everything Brit had told me before this trip began. Was I ready for it? Could I handle anymore trouble in my life? I just hope I don’t lose it and go crazy after all these years.

To be continued.

Next time; ‘Back home again, in Indiana....’

I swear to you dear reader that as god as my witness I will get back at Chip and Jess for what they did.   Becoming Antonia Part 10 By Toni Trepaso & Zomba the Great Much Love to Zomba for proofing this chapter for me. Alright, cue the "voice over guy."

---

 
I showed up at the IRL test in Homestead not really knowing what to expect. I found Chip and Jess and they introduced me to the rest of the team. The thing that caught my attention first was that all the guys working on the car were engineers. In the other forms of racing I’ve worked in, there was one engineer and the rest of the guys were mechanics. I started wondering what I had just gotten myself into. I know I have a mechanical engineering degree myself with a minor in aerodynamics, but as I started picking the brains of some of the guys, I learned that most of them had their masters in engineering, where I just have my BAS, (Bachelors of Applied Science.) This didn’t worry me as much as the fact that they were all using computers to make the decisions on what to do to the car. I usually just go off my notes from past races at different tracks for an idea of what works and doesn’t.

The track at Homestead is a high banked fast oval, and since we ran there with the cup cars I had an idea of what the track would do when the sun when down. Jess went out for some easy warm up laps, then started picking up the pace. The first thing I noticed about the attitude of the car was that it looked like it was “dirt tracking,” or sliding sideways like a drift car in the turns.

“How’s it feel out there Jess?”

“Her ass is all over the place Toni! I can’t drive this piece of crap.”

“Ok, bring it in.”

She brought it in and I found out she was having a problem getting it to turn in at the entry to the corner, then from the middle out it was loose as all hell. I grabbed one of the engineers and told him what I wanted.

“James, take 5 degrees out of the rear spoiler, and a full turn out of the right rear shock. Then a half turn out of the rear sway bar.”

“What are you nuts? That will never work."

“We tried it your way, and that didn’t work. Now it’s my turn. Either YOU make the changes to the car, or I make the changes to the car. And I assure you that if I do it, I’ll make sure Chip knows we don’t need you around. Got me college boy?”

I hated being this way, but he was testing me, and my patients. I had a similar problem when I started with RCR, some of the guys there resented taking orders from a woman, but I soon changed their minds when we started showing results on the track. James ended up doing my changes to the car and we sent Jess back out for another run. She set fast time for the session and came in raving about how she loved the feel of the car. James and the tire engineer came over to me after they finished their down loads of the car and were shocked.

“We’ve never had tire temps that low before, and the right rear is hardly showing any wear.”

“I kind of figured that would be the case. You guys had some things on the car that it just didn’t like. But don’t worry, we’ll get there. I saw some things I want to try tomorrow. So be here bright and early.”

I found Jess and Chip in the hauler. Chip asked me what I did to make the car so fast.

“Last year that car was out to lunch. What on earth did you do?”

“I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.” I said laughing. “It was just some minor tweaks. Nothing major. But to listen to some of your so called engineers you’d have thought I wanted to put the engine back in the front of the car.”

“Well I see we have some work to do on attitudes.”

“Just let the race results do that Chip." I told him holding my hand up to signal him to stop. "The biggest morale booster is a race win. Right Jess?”

“Keep giving me cars like that and I’ll give you more wins then you can handle.”

Jess and I were both beat after a full day of testing so we picked up some fast food on the way back to the hotel. We sat there and watched the lights of the city as we just ate our food and then went to bed. I woke up the next morning to the phone signaling our wake up call, and like it usually is when we’re in the same bed, Jess had her arm draped over me and was snuggling tight to me. She looked like she was having that bad dream again, so I tried to wake her.

“Jess, come on hun, wake up.” I said as I gently shook her.

“Huh? What? Oh wow, Toni. I was having that damn nightmare again.”

“I’ve been having one myself hun. What was your’s about?”

“Well, the bad part was when I was driving at INDY...”

“And you launched over someone’s wheel? Then hit the wall?” I asked, cutting her off.

She was shocked. “Well you usually wake me up just before I hit, but yeah, that’s the one. How did you know?”

“I’ve been having the same dream.”

She just smiled, gave me a hug and we both got ready for the track. Once there I instructed the crew of the changes I wanted to try. They made them and I told Jess what she could expect from the car. She went out and took it easy for a couple laps to let the tires get some heat in them, then she started cranking off laps that blistered the track record. She came in and was all grins as she climbed out of the car, raving about how well it drove. If she hadn’t seen the scoring tower with her number at the top she said she would have thought the car was slow, from how well it handled. We left the team to pack up the car, since we’d gone as fast as we could, while Jess and I went back to the hauler so she could change.

“So are you going to do it?”

“Do what Jess?”

“Be my crew chief? I know I wouldn’t have been that fast if it weren’t for you.”

“Wow, you’re gonna make me blush.”

“I’m serious. You saw how much of a dirt tracking dog that thing was in the first session. I need you Toni.” she told me with a Cheshire cat grin on her face.

“Well if you put it that way? How can I say no? And don’t look at me like that. Brit always did that when she had some hidden double meaning to what she was saying.”

“Who do you think she got it from silly?” she asked me as she unzipped her drivers suit and I saw as she pulled it off that she had nothing on under it.

“What the hell are you thinking? Where’s your nomex underwear?”

“I didn’t put it on. I wanted to surprise you.”

“Shock is more like it. Are you nuts?" I spat back at her. "You know better then to not put those on when you’re driving a car that burns alcohol. You could have caught fire and we’d never had been able to see it.”

She moved closer to me and hugged me. “I’m glad you care, but I did this so I could try to persuade you to join the team.” she said as she kissed my lips.

I was shocked. I didn’t know how to react. She was a good friend, and we HAVE become close over the past year since Brit’s death, but was I ready for this? My body didn’t let my mind get a word in as I relished in the touch of another woman for the first time in a year. It felt so right. I couldn’t fight it if I had wanted to. My mind was screaming for me to stop, but my body didn’t listen, as I put my arms around her and held her close. We stood there like that for what seemed like a lifetime and finally when we broke off the kiss I got a little light headed, so I sat down as she finished changing.

Chip came in just as the guys finished loading the car into the hauler, and was happy as a pig in slop that we’d set fast time for the session again, and had a new track record in our pocket.

“So Toni, I see you adapted quite well to these cars.”

“It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be Chip. You were right, it’s basically the same things as before.”

“So I have my crew chief then?”

I nodded and we shook hands. He told me that he had to pay for dinner that night since he’d lost the wager he and Jess had made. Apparently he didn’t think it would be this easy to get me to sign on.

“I can’t let my good friend here drive for you without someone who knows what is going on with the car. Those monkeys you had set that thing up could have gotten her killed.”

He laughed and Jess hugged me, as we left for the hotel. We met Chip in the lobby and he took us to the Hard Rock in Miami for dinner. Cool place, I’d never been to one, and we were in luck since they were having The Dropkick Murphys play live that night. ( I swear to you dear reader that as god as my witness I will get back at Chip and Jess for what they did.)

The Murphys were in the middle of their set when they announced that we were in the audience. A spot light shown on our table when Ken Casey, the bassist and singer, called for me to come up on stage. Jess had mentioned to Chip that I was always playing their cd’s and singing along with the songs, so he set it up with the bands manager to let me sing with them on stage. I kept shaking my head and saying no even as Ken and Al Barr, the other singer, took me by the arm and drug me up with them.

“What song do you want to do Toni?”

“Uh.. No. There is no way I’m going to be able to sing with you. I can’t.”

“Well it’ll look pretty silly for you to just stand on the stage and not do anything. How about we do ‘The Dirty Glass?’ You know the part Stephany has been doing?”

“There is no way I can pull that off. She’s great. I just sing in the shower and the car.”

“Come on give it a try.”

Ken announced to the crowd that we’d be doing “The Dirty Glass,” as he handed me a mic. The band went in to the intro of the song and I belted it out as best I could.

"Murphy, Murphy, darling dear.
I long for you now, night and day.
Your pain was my pleasure,
your sorrow my joy.
I feel now I've lost you to health and good cheer."

I somehow managed to make it through that song without losing the dinner I’d just eaten, and we got a standing ovation from the audience. They asked me to sing another song with them. So I said lets do "Spicey McHaggis Jig.” That was mistake number 1, mistake number 2 was not running for the hills when they told me I had to sing lead if I wanted them to play it. Don’t get me wrong, as a man I did that song many times a karaoke, but as a woman I didn’t know if I had the voice to pull it off. I’ve been told that my voice sounds something like a cross between Gwen Steffani, and Nelly Furtado. Before I could make a break for it, the band started the song, so I had to at least give it a try.

“I'll tell you a story.
Believe me it's true.
A tail you best hope,
never happens to you.
Of Spicey McHaggis,
how he met his fate.
You I can save,
but for him it's too late!"

The crowd seemed to really enjoy it. The crowd singing with me actually relaxed me, so I poured more into it. When the song ended they all cheered and Ken kissed my cheek, as I walked off stage. Jess was standing there with her hair all a mess from head banging with the music, and I just shot her a look of total contempt.

“How could you do that to me?”

“Oh get over it. You said it yourself, it’s always been a dream to sing with The Murphys.”

“It’s a good thing I love you, or else I’d probably want to kill you.”

‘Oh my god, did I just tell her I loved her?' I asked myself as my inner monolog took over. 'Oh shit! I do, I do love her. This is all so fast. Does this mean I’m over Brit? No, but I do have deep feelings for Jess. Is that what Brit meant? Oh crap she’s moving in to kiss me. Calm down. It’s ok, just kiss her back.'

She pulled me tight and kissed me full on the lips. I didn’t stop her, in fact, I kissed her back. We broke off the kiss when Chip walked up and told us he’d see us at the shop by the end of the week. We stayed for the end of the show and then went back to the hotel. Jess turned on the TV as I went to use the bathroom. I heard her call for me, and I hurried to finish. I got there just as they were showing the show from that night on MTV2. The host was saying that if anyone had any info on how to contact me to call the studio, and they flashed the number on the screen.

“Why me... just when I was hoping I could just go on living my life in semi-obscurity, shit like this goes down. I knew I should have just thrown up on stage and gotten it over with.”

“You worry too much.”

“How can you say that. I never wanted to be famous. All I’ve ever wanted to do was work on race cars. Now, because of your's and Chip's stunt, MTV wants me, for only god know’s what.”

She put her arms around me and pulled me tight into a hug. We laid back onto the bed and cuddled for a while. My cell phone went off and I forced my way free of Jess’ grip to answer it.

“This is Toni.”

“Hey, it’s Chip. My son just called me and said you should turn on MTV2.”

“Seen it, and before you even ask the answer is no. Not only no, but HELL NO.”

“Then you’re going to be pissed that I already called them and gave them your cell number.”

“YOU WHAT!”

“Take it easy. They just want to interview you.”

“The music channel wants to talk to me, and you’re telling me to take it easy? I knew I should have bolted for the door when they called me to the stage.”

“Oh get over it. You have a good voice. Besides, they told me all they want to do is just talk to you about what you do.”

“Since when is MTV into racing?”

“I don’t know, but maybe you could talk them into putting some money into the team. Just talk to them tomorrow when they call. I’ll see you in a couple days at the shop.”

He hung up, and I started to shake. It was one of those shakes you get like when you were a kid and you are looking face-to-belt with the older brother of the kid you and your friends just kicked off the playground. (I told you I was an asshole as a male.) Jess saw I was shaken, and she put her arms around me and pulled me into her, like a mother would do her daughter.

“I’m sorry Toni, I never thought it would upset you so much. All Chip and I wanted to do was give you a present for helping me out on the car.”

“Yeah, it’s my fault too. I could have just said no.”

“But how could you have lived with yourself for passing up a chance to sing with The Dropkick Murphys?”

“I know. But it’s too late now to change that. Chip already gave them my cell number. MTV is going to be calling tomorrow, and they want to set up an interview. I just have the un-shakeable feeling this is going to end nothing but poorly.”

“Shhh, you’ll be fine. You’re a strong woman Hermes.”

She was the first person to call me Hermes since Brit. She always used to call me that when she wanted to be playful or when I was scared, and she wanted to remind me that as a man I was always up for a challenge. Had Brit told Jess this? Am I really being that paranoid?

We changed into our pj’s and cuddled as Jess drifted off to sleep. I, on the other hand, just laid there and stared at the ceiling wondering what MTV wanted with a 33 year old female mechanic. I don’t remember falling asleep, but when my cell went off around 8am, I realized I had actually slept some that night. Not as much as I would have liked, but I did get some sleep.

“Hello?”

“Is this Toni Trespasso?” (People are always doing that with my last name.)

“No, this is Toni TREPASSO. There’s no extra ‘s’.”

“Sorry miss. This is Suzanne Pak with MTV News. Do you have a couple minutes?”

“What time is it?”

“8am miss. Is this a bad time?”

“No, it’s no worse then it would be if you called later. Let’s get this over with. What does Chip want me to talk you into?”

“Um, Mr. Ganassi just gave us your number. I caught your set with The Murphys last night. I must say, I’m impressed. Where have you been singing?”

“My shower and my car. I’m not that good. Besides I’m just a mechanic.”

“Just a mechanic who lead the first female driver in Nextel Cup history to win the championship. Now really, where do you sing? Local bars?”

“I used to sing at a local karaoke bar, but nothing professional.”

“Wow, I have to tell you Ms. Trepasso, you are wasting your talent by not sharing it with the world.”

“I’m a mechanic Suzanne. And please, call me Toni.”

“Ok, Toni, would you be willing to come to our studio’s and talk to one of our VJ’s?”

“That all depends. What would I be talking about?”

“We’d love to talk to you about what you do.”

“You mean the old ‘what’s it like to be a woman in a man’s field?’ bullshit?”

“Well, yeah, basically. Many of our viewers watch racing too, and since our audience is mainly girls between the ages of 15-25, we feel it would be good for them to see what you've been able to do.”

“Ok, who would be doing the interview?”

“Well if it’s alright with you, I’d be honored to speak with you more.”

“Ok. When do you want me.” I sighed, knowing I was going to have to do this or be labeled a bitch by the media.

“How about tomorrow? We can have the promo’s up by noon saying you’ll be here for TRL.”

“Ok, but I’m not introducing any of that bubble gum pop BS. Any chance you can get them to do an all rock show?”

“That can be arranged. We can even let you pick the videos if you want.”

“Just book my flight out of Miami, and I’ll be there.”

“See you tomorrow Toni.”

“Oh, Suzanne, one more thing. I’ll need 2 seats on the plane.”

“Oh? Is Jessica coming with you?”

“If she knows what’s good for her she will.” I laughed as I hung up the phone and shook Jess awake.

“Huh? What time is it Toni?”

“8:30 am. I just got off the phone with MTV. We’re going there tomorrow.”

“We? What’s this ‘we’ pale face?”

“Cut the crap. You got me into this, you’re coming with me.”

“Ok, if you put it that way. I don’t want to piss off my crew chief.”

“Not if you want to win any time soon.” I laughed as she hugged me.

We spent the rest of the day shopping on South Beach, and just enjoying the sights of a day off in Miami. It was kind of fun to watch heads turn everywhere we went. Maybe I forgot to mention it earlier, but even as big as I am, I feel flat-chested next to Jess. (Remember I did tell you that Brit and I had the same taste in women.) Every shop we went to, the sales clerks couldn’t help but stare at the cleavage bulging out of both our bikini tops. Lucky for both of us that either no one recognized the two of us, or there are just so many famous people hanging out in South Beach that no one really cares anymore, so we weren’t inundated with requests for autographs. The only one was from a couple on vacation sitting at the next table at a little café we had lunch at. She had on one of Jess’ NASCAR shirts. She was using it as a cover up, not wanting to get burned from sitting in the sun at the café. Jess signed the shirt and posed for a picture with the woman as her husband took the shot. We made it back to the hotel just after dark and both got packed for the trip to New York City.

The flight was pretty un-eventful other then me shaking like a leaf the closer we got to JFK airport. Jess noticed my nervousness and took my hand.

“What’s wrong?”

“What if they ask me to sing again? It was one thing to do it after I had a couple drinks in me at the show, but this will be live TV.”

“You’ll do fine, just relax.”

“Easy for you to say. I’ve heard you sing.”

“So I can’t carry a tune in a bucket.” she said sticking her tongue out at me. “You have a great voice. You’ll do fine. Just pretend you’re back at Michelle’s singing for the crew at karaoke.”

“If you say so. I feel like I’m going to yack.”

“Just don’t blow chunks on stage. That would be embarrassing.”

“Thanks. THAT makes me feel better.”

She hugged me as we started our final descent, into New York’s JFK airport. There was a limo waiting for us to take us to the studio in Times Square. Once there I met Suzanne, the girl I spoke to the day before, and she took me to the control room so I could pick out the videos for that days show. She was shocked when I started picking mostly heavy rock and metal songs.

“I never would have put you as an Anthrax fan Toni.”

“Well they are from just outside Syracuse, so I have to support the local boys made good right?”

“Let’s see, Anthrax and Public Enemy, ‘Bring the Noise’, Primus, ‘My Name is Mud’, Metalica, ‘One’, Quiet Riot ‘Metal Health’ and Korn with Amy Lee, “Freak on a Leash”? Wow, you sure like the hard stuff Toni.”

“I can’t stand that watered down crap they cram down the kids throats these days. If you listen to the lyrics to those songs I picked, they say something. It’s not just ‘hey, look at me, I’m cute.”

“I know what you mean, I’m a fan of those bands too. But this station pushes what they think the kids want to hear.”

“That was the one thing that pissed me off when I was growing up. For a while there, it was alright, you played Korn, Limp Bizkit, and Metalica, but then Brittany Spears and those other tramps started corrupting the minds of our little girls. It’s bull shit. It has no soul.” as I started singing, “Hit me baby one more time. Ok, but this time I’m using a bigger hammer. Maybe that will shut you up.”

Sue laughed and took us to the dressing room so they could put some make-up on me and get me looking presentable for the camera’s.

The show started, and I was introduced. Suzanne said it would be a special addition of TRL and that the video’s were my favorites.

“Toni, why don’t you throw it to the first video.”

“Ok, here’s Solvay, New York’s own son’s Anthrax with their good friends Public Enemy. Bring the Noise.” I started head banging and my hair flying to and fro as I did.

When we came back from the video, we talked about me being Jessica’s crew chief and what it was like in the garage area with the majority of the people there being men.

“Well, they really treat us like their little sisters. Sometimes it’s annoying, but for the most part, if you can prove to them that you know what you are doing, they give you the respect you deserve.”

“Winning a championship in your rookie season in the Nextel Cup must have done that huh?”

“Well, I can’t take all the credit. I had one hell of a driver behind the wheel.”

“You’re talking about 2 time Champion Jessica Zimkin?”

“The one and only. In fact we work together so well that Chip Ganassi hired us to win the INDY 500 for him this year.”

“That’s a pretty big order to fill isn’t it? I mean there are a lot of good teams racing in that aren’t there?”

“Yes, but those other teams don’t have my secret weapon.”

“What’s that?”

“Well I’ll tell you what it is..." I leanded in to whisper, but still loud enough for the microphones to pick up. "but promise you won’t tell anyone.” I laughed. “It’s Jessica. With her driving, we can’t lose.”

We broke for commercial and came back with more videos. Suzanne asked me about how I felt music was going these days, and what I would do to change it.

“Well first of all, I’d strap every boy band and bubble gum pop princess to a rocket and shoot them to the sun," I said with a giggle, to try to calm the shocked little girls sitting in the audience. "No, just kidding, but I would make sure that the music actually said something more then, ‘oh, look at me, I’m cute. Buy my record.’ What ever happened to the days of bands writing about what they lived in their lives? Give me Hank Williams Junior or Kid Rock any day.”

“You bring up a good point, you said you feel Kid Rock. I’ve been told you can play some of his songs quite well, and that you could be talked into singing for us here.”

“Remind me to stop hanging out with Jessica.” I told her with a smirk.

“Well folks would you like to hear Toni sing for us?”

The audience cheered and Suzanne handed me a guitar. It was either sing, or throw up and make a fool out of my self. So I did what would be less embarrassing, and sat down on the edge of the stage with the acoustic 6 string in my hands, and started strumming the only tune I really knew.

“I’ve been sitting here.
Trying to find myself.
I need to get behind myself,
I need to rewind myself.
Looking for the pay back.
I listen for the play back.
They say every girl bleeds just like me.
I feel like number one,
even when I’m last in line.
I watch my youngest son.
It helps to pass the time.
I never took any pills, to ease the pain.
I made a bunch of dollar bills,
but I still act the same.
And everybody knows my name.
They yell it way out loud.
People like to fuss with me,
whenever I hang out in a crowd.
But I guess that’s the price you pay,
to be some big shot like I am.
With out stretched hands,
and one night stands,
still I can’t buy love.
And when your walls come tumbling down,
I will always be around.
People don’t know,
about the things I say and do.
They don’t understand,
all the mess that I’ve been thru.
And it's been so long,
since I've been home.
Don't 'cha know that I've been gone,
I've been gone for way too long.
Well maybe I’ve forgot
all the things that I miss.
Somehow I know
there’s more to life than this.
I’ve said it too many times,
and I still stand firm.
You get what you put in,
and people get what they deserve.
Still I ain’t seen mine.
No I ain’t seen mine.
I’ve been givin’
I just ain’t been gettin’
I’ve been walking that thin line.
And I think I’m gonna keep on walking
with my head held high.
I’ll keep movin’ on,
and only god know’s why....”(remember think if Gwen Steffani, or Nelly Furtado were singing the song.)

The audience cheered louder then I’ve ever heard them on that show. A couple of the young girls had tears in their eyes. Suzanne sat down next to me and handed me a hand mic again.

“Wow, that had a lot of feeling in it Toni. I can see what you meant earlier.”

“Well that song has always been one of my favorites, but over the past few years it’s had even more meaning to me.”

“Ah, another interesting point. Do we have the picture?” She asked, looking to the control room.

On the monitors flashed a picture of me when I was in the cup the first time, as Pat. Total shock hit me and my jaw just dropped. Here I was opening up to these people and they were pulling this shit on me?

“So Toni, we have it under good authority that this was you 4 years ago.”

“Where did you get that idea from?” I asked trying to keep my cool.

“Yes or no, was that you?”

I leaned in to whisper in Suzanne’s ear that if she didn’t go to a commercial break, I’d sue her personally for defamation of charicter.

“We’ll be back with the answer after this break.”

I just glared at her, as we walked to the side of the stage where the director was standing.

“Where did you get your information?”

“I can’t say, just that it is a reliable source.”

“I will tell you this. If you don’t find a way to fix this, I will personally sue this station. True or not. This information was never supposed to see the light of day. Now I will ask you again, who told you?”

“Then it is true?”

“You are going to not tell anyone. If you do, I will own you. Got me. Now get my mother on the phone, she’ll cover for me.”

“We can’t keep this from the world.”

“You can and you will, unless you want to be my personal bitch for the rest of your life. You don’t know who you’re dealing with. Not get my mom on the phone.”

They were able to reach my mom, and as we came back from break, I told Suzanne that if she knew what was good for her she’d play along.

“Ok, and we’re back. So Toni, about that picture?” she asked as they showed it again. “Was that you?”

“Well why don’t you call my mom, and ask her if she gave birth to a boy or a girl?”

“We have your mom on the phone right now. Hello?”

“I’m here. And I’m not happy that someone is spreading rumors about my little girl.”

“Love you too mom.”

“She is my little girl and will always be my little girl. If anyone want’s to say otherwise, just call me and I’ll put you in touch with our lawyer.”

“Ok, so that pretty well sums it up. We here at MTV deeply apologize for any accusations that have been talked about. They are not true, and the young lady next to me is completely female. Please accept my apology Toni. I was just given this info an hour before the show by the producers and didn’t have time to check the facts. I assure all of you this will not happen again. Join us tomorrow when we’ll have Justin Timberlake on.”

When we were clear I went back into the dressing room with the producer, director, Suzanne, and Jessica.

“Alright, spill it. Where did you get that picture?”

“We can’t say.” the producer told me.

“Ok, you want to play that way. You either tell me, or you tell my lawyer, and the judge that put a gag order on the whole thing back when it happened.”

Their jaws dropped. “So it is true?” asked Suzanne.

“It doesn’t leave this room. There are a hand full of people who know, and trust me when I tell you this. The people wanting to cover this up, can and will make you disappear, permanently.”

I pulled out the well worn photo book from the hospital and handed it to them as they sat on the couch. I told the story about the party, falling down the hill and landing in the toxic waste. They all shared the familiar look of awe on their faces that I’ve grown to expect from that picture book. Suzanne looked at me.

“The world needs to know the truth.”

“The world needs to know SHIT! You want to get yourself killed over this? You have no idea who you’re dealing with. The people behind this are more powerful then the Mafia, and the Arian Brother hood put together. And they have the way’s and means to make it so no one finds an atom of your DNA.”

“You’re joking.”

I pulled out the copy of the gag order I had and showed them the signatures at the bottom. They all turned white as a sheet when they read the names.

“Now, I’ll be taking that picture you showed and you WILL never speak of this again. They have ways of finding out.”

They gave me the hard copy of the picture and the disk the file was on. Jess and I left for the airport and she was uncomfortably quiet around me.

“Penny for your thoughts Jess?”

“What is going on Toni? I know you had the accident, but why all the cloak and dagger stuff?”

“You know some powerful people went to the U right?”

“Yeah, but what’s this got to do with them?”

“How would it look if senators, congressmen, and other people of power were found to be large contributors to a school that dumped toxic chemicals illegally? They’d be run out of office. So they put a gag order on my case, and we settled out of court. I just want to live my life as a normal woman. Damn, now there’s something I never thought I’d have to say. I don’t want to be famous. I don’t want to be a freak, or be treated like a science experiment. I just want to work on race cars and live my life.”

“I understand Toni. I know you used to be a guy, but for some reason that doesn’t freak me out. To me, you’re just one of the girls.”

“That’s all I ask. Nothing more, nothing less. Just let me be me.”

She hugged me as we pulled up to JFK for our flight back to Charlotte. Since I live closer to the airport then she does, she spent the night at my house and again we shared the same bed, like we did on the road. I felt myself starting to get used to the idea of being with her more and more, as more then just friends.

---

 
To Be Continued...
 
Next time: ALL hell breaks loose.

“You know the worst mistake I ever made?” “No, Toni, what’s that?” “Giving you up.” “You’re drunk.” “Yeah, but I still think it was the worst mistake I ever made.” “Oh really? You seemed pretty damn sure about it that day back in the hospital five years ago.”   Becoming Antonia Part 11 By The drunk chick with the red hair, & Zomba The Great!

---

 
I was roused from my sleep by my cell phone ringing. A glance at the clock told me it was almost 10AM, and I tried to shake the cobwebs from my head. I hadn’t slept this late in a long time, but it felt good. I picked up the phone and saw it was a 607 area code.

“This is Toni.”

“Hey fucker...” came the unmistakable voice of Opiee.

“What the hell man, the sun isn’t even up yet. Someone better be dead.” I joked to him.

“Mu Theta Weekend. We're getting a list together of Alumni who are coming.”

“Oh, so someone’s GOING to die.” I kidded back to when we had to rush Hulk to the hospital for a case of AP.

“Hopefully not this year. So you coming?”

“When is it?”

“May 2nd.”

“Hold on let me check my day planner.”

“What the hell... little miss super star doesn’t have a PDA yet?” he asked with a laugh.

“Piss off, I prefer it on paper, it’s harder to steal that way... May 2nd? That’s an off weekend so yeah... put me down. It’ll be good to see the old crew and find out what kind of brain dead pot smoking tree huggers we have running things now.” I said laughing.

“Nah, it’s a good group now. I’ll see you then,” he told me as he hung up.

Time passed quickly between that call and the weekend. Jess finished 2nd in her first race in the IRL, but only because we lost a lap in the pits with a fuel rig malfunction. Her first win came at Texas, and then she backed it up at Chicago. So we had good momentum heading into INDY.

I had asked around the shop if anyone knew where I could get some white lightning. One of the local boys told me his grand-pa made the best hooch in the state. So I got a few bottles from him for the gang and went up to NY for one last weekend of fun before the insanity that is the month of May at INDY.

I pitched my tent like I always do in the bed of my truck and then helped the guys start the bon fire. I had brought a few gallons of racing gas with me to help things along and before the first beers were finished we had a blazer going. I was sitting there playing cards with the guys when Opiee came up and grabbed my shoulder.

“Come with me. There’s someone you need to see.”

“What is Thumper finally shown up to one of these things?” I asked with a giggle, as none of the original four founders had been heard from since we got our charter.

“Just follow me,” he said dragging me out of the pavilion to the camping area.

Once there I saw a woman finishing pitching her tent. She stood up and tossed her dark hair over her shoulder, and it dawned on me that I knew who it was.

“Mandy?” I asked, thinking it was my ex, Sarah’s younger sister. “Where’s Hawkeye?” I asked inquiring about her fiancé.

“Mandy and JD will be along in a few. It’s me... Sarah you dumb bitch.” She told me with a glare.

My mouth dropped wide open and I just looked at her. When we were dating, Sarah had a couple extra pounds on her. I always referred to her as a BBW, but she kept insisting she was too heavy. She was my best friend before we started dating, and I always thought she was perfect as she was.

“Wow, you look.... amazing.” I told her trying to bring myself back to reality.

“Thanks, I’ve been losing weight for Mandy’s wedding. I want all three of us sisters to be in the same size dress.” She was of course making reference to Marah, the now 20 year old baby of the family.

“So how is everyone doing?” I asked trying to make small talk.

“Oh, Mar is in Harvard studying law, Mandy and James finally set a date. Dad made department supervisor, so he and mom bought a house down in PA. And I’m teaching English as a second language, back in Syracuse.”

“Wow, congrats. I’m sure your students love you as their professor.”

“It’s fun. I really take pride in knowing I’m making a difference in someone’s life.”

“Good. Hey, can I get you a drink? We have cola. I also brought some Mountain Dew.” I joked as to the last time I saw her on Dew, she about killed Opiee from the sugar over-dose.

“Actually, I brought water with me, so I’m good.”

Just then one of the guys called that the food was ready. So we went and ate. Sarah and I sat by the fire and chatted about our lives and how they were going. I was feeling pretty tipsy from the beers and the few swings of Grand-pa Howard’s home-made hooch. So I bared my heart to Sarah.

“You know the worst mistake I ever made?”

“No, Toni, what’s that?”

“Giving you up.”

“You’re drunk.”

“Yeah, but I still think it was the worst mistake I ever made.”

“Oh really? You seemed pretty damn sure about it that day back in the hospital five years ago.”

“That was out of frustration. Besides, I wanted you to be able to live your dream of having a family. How was I going to be able to give you kids of your own.”

“You already did dumb ass.” She told me taking a swig of her water. It took a moment for it to register in my brain cells that were marinading in malted hops.

“What do you mean I already did? You never had a kid with me.” I looked at her confused.

“Shows what you know. What do you think I needed to tell you that day you woke up and then pushed me out of your life?”

“Wait... what?” I was trying to clear my head, and trust me nothing sobers you up quicker then someone hinting that they had your child.

“That weekend we celebrated our 2 year anniversary, the weekend before you went down for hell night.” she glared at me. “Remember? We made love about 10 times in Niagra Falls.”

“You mean... that you... and I.... we...” I was trying to find the way to say it.

“Yes Toni, I got pregnant,” she told me as she started to tear up. All I could do was just look at her dumbfounded. It was worse news than being told my father died, or when Brit died. Here I was going on like a happy asshole, and she was raising my child, ALONE!

“Sarah, I didn’t know. You should have told me.”

“I tried but your mom just ushered me out of the place then had a nurse escort me out of the hospital. Didn’t your dad tell you? I sent him pictures.”

“No, he never said a word. But I did find a card after he passed with a picture of you holding a baby. “First Christmas” I think it said on it.”

“Yeah, and I sent him one every year until he passed. He also came to every one of Patrick’s birthday parties.”

I started to ball my eyes out at having missed the first five years of my child’s life. Then it dawned on me what she had just said, “Patrick,” a son. I had a son.

“You named him Patrick?” I asked, not really sure I heard her right.

“Yes I did. Patrick Michael Trepasso-Hogan Junior,” she told me with a cold look on her face that sent a chill down my spine. She named my son after me and I never even knew I had a son.

“Excuse me, I need to be alone.” I told her as I grabbed my beer and wandered off into the woods.

I walked over to the cliffs that were on the outer edge of the grounds we were on and just sat there as the sun went down, thinking and drinking. My bottle went dry just as the last bit of light faded from the sky.

“FUCK!” I yelled as I heaved my bottle into the side of the cliff.

“Feel better now?” a female voice asked from behind me. I turned and it was Sarah.

“No, I feel like a complete ass now.”

“Don’t be. For what it’s worth, I told Pat the whole story, and he watches you every week on TV.”

I let out a laugh of frustration. “Oh, great, my own kid thinks I’m a freak. Well you see son, your dad fell face down in a puddle of toxic waste and turned into a woman. Great one Sarah. Scar the kid for life.”

“Shut up you drunken bitch. I told him that you had a sex change. Willingly. I didn’t tell him about the other shit.” She looked at me with pity, and shaking her head. “I think you’ve had enough excitement for one night. Why don’t you go to bed,” she told me, helping me to my feet and steadying me as I staggered to my tent.

“Sarah?”

“Yes Toni?”

“Stay with me tonight? I don’t think I can stand to be alone.” I asked her through my tear-soaked eyes.

“I’ll grab my sleeping bag,” she said as she went to get it from her tent.

She came back and I crawled into my bag, as she did hers, and drifted off to sleep. I woke up with a start, from having a weird dream. I don’t remember exactly what it was, just that it was weird even for me. I was in the dark and found a female arm draped over my chest and softly snoring. I didn’t think anything of it and just closed my eyes and went back to sleep, and again having weird thoughts racing thru my head.

I was one of the first ones up the next morning. I looked over to see Sarah sleeping like a baby next to me on the air mattress, so I quietly got up and started to re-kindle the fire, to cook some breakfast. Apparently the smell woke Sarah and a few of the others as I was soon joined eating my meal of biscuits, home fries, bacon and the rest of the orange juice I had squirreled away from the guys making screw drivers. When we finished eating I asked Sarah to go for a walk with me, and we headed off into the woods.

“I want to be a part of my son’s life,” I told her as we walked.

“I think he’d like that. But what about... what’s her name? Jessica is it?

“She’s a friend. She helped me get thru the time when Brit got killed and that was so soon after losing dad. Besides, she’s Brits Ex, how weird would that be to be dating your late spouses ex?” I asked with a slight chuckle.

“Yeah, I guess that would be a bit awkward.”

“You know I meant what I said last night Sarah.”

“What’s that?”

“The biggest mistake I ever made was pushing you out of my life.” I told her as I started to tear up again. “I tried to call you but all I got was voice mail.”

“What number do you have?” she asked looking puzzled.

“380...” I rattled off the rest of it to her.

“Mar has that phone now. I’m on my own plan with AT&T.”

“So you mean I was calling her, and not you?”

“Yeah, that was another thing I was going to tell you in the hospital, but...” I cut her off.

“Did she tell you I called? Any of the two hundred and thirty six times?”

“No, she didn’t. She was probably mad at you over what happened with me.”

“I can see that.” I said looking ashamed and crying. “Look, INDY is coming up, how about I fly you and Pat out and I can take you both to your first race?” I asked her wiping the tears from my eyes.

“I’d like that. When is it?” she asked not knowing, and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Memorial day weekend. Come on, you’ve never heard of the INDY 500?” I asked in disbelief.

“You know I’m not big into racing. But with a kid like ours..." she sighed. “I can’t take him anywhere without his cars and one of his racing DVD’s that James bought him."

“Good ole’ Hawkeye. Always looking out for a fellow gear head.” I giggled. “You know I was the same way when I was a kid. We didn’t have in car DVD’s back then. But I never left home without at least a couple cars with me.”

“I know Toni, your dad told me all about it.”

“You know, my dad started a little tradition with me that I’d like to pass along to Pat if it’s alright with you.”

“What’s that?” she asked me puzzled.

“Well my dad built me my first race car when I was 3, and Pat’s what 5? Going on 6?”

“Yeah. What are you saying? That you want him to race at that age?”

“QMA has classes for kids as young as 4. And I’ll have you know that they make sure the drivers know how to handle the car before they turn them loose on the track alone,” I told her.

“I don’t know. It all seems so dangerous to me.”

“He’ll only be going about 5 miles an hour to start, and I’ll build the car myself so it’ll be the safest it can be for my boy. What do you say? At least let him try it to see if he likes it. If he doesn’t like it, I won’t push him.”

“If you promise that you won’t push, and he’ll be safe, I guess it wouldn’t hurt to try it.” She smiled at me, and I just threw my arms around her and hugged her tight.

I looked into her eyes and all the old feelings I had for her came rushing back at me like a MACK truck. I leaned in and she met me with her lips to mine. I don’t really know how long we were there kissing, and truth be told, I really don’t care if we had ever stopped. For the first time in over a year, it felt right to kiss like this.

There’s one more thing you should know. I also adopted a little girl from Ethiopia.” she told me as I held her close. I smiled and rubbed her back.

“That’s wonderful. So Patrick has a baby sister? Good, now he’ll never have to know what I went thru being an only child. That’s great, what’s her name?” I asked smiling like I had just won the lottery.

“Her name is Isabelle, and she’s just adorable.”

“Do you have any pictures?” I asked. She pulled out her wallet, and flipped down about 20 snapshots of the kids. She was right, Isabelle is just the cutest little girl on the planet. Then I saw Patrick. It was a more recent shot, and I started to tear up again as I realized just how much he looked like I used to when I was his age. Sarah hugged me again, and we went back to the party, and had a great rest of the weekend. We exchanged numbers again and I told her I’d call her when I had the flight and hotel booked. Then after one final kiss for now. I pointed my truck south and headed back to North Carolina.

---

 
To Be Continued...

Both cars burst into flames in a fireball of carbon fiber and alcohol.   Becoming Antonia Part 12 By That Bitch & Zomba

---

 
The next few weeks were a blur of activity getting the cars ready for the big dance at INDY and trying to get my personal life back in order. Jess pretty much moved in with me, at my place. I lived closer to the Shop then she did, so it made sense for her to do it. We got her fitted into the cars and set the seats right for her to be able to see over the dash. This can be a problem when your driver is only 5'5" tall, but we moved the pedals up and back, then mounted the seats higher in the car. I made sure to have a complete download of the settings we left the test day with so we could start there when the track opened for Rooky Testing.

I set up a flight for Sarah and Patrick on a flight to Indianapolis and a rental car when they got there. She told me her mom would take Isabelle for the weekend since she was just too young to know what was going on. I made sure the flight was early enough before the race, so I would have time to meet them at the airport and get them settled in without any trouble. I watched their flight land and held up the sign I made with her nickname from back when she joined the co-ed chapter of my fraternity in Syracuse. She giggled when she saw it and hugged me tight. Pat just looked at me like I was a super hero. I guess it is how I would have reacted to meeting one of the crew chiefs of a race team I looked up to when I was his age, let alone the person your mother told you used to be the man who is your father. I bent down to shake his hand.

“Hi, I’m Toni, and you must be Patrick. Your mom says you’re a big racing fan.”

He just blushed and grabbed onto Sarah’s pant leg to hide behind it. There was no doubt in my mind at this point that he was my son. I can remember doing the same thing at that age when I met any of my parent’s friends. I helped them get their bags then found the car I had rented for them. I thought it would be a treat for Patrick to have his mom drive a mustang convertible. We drove to the hotel and got them checked in. I told Sarah that Jess and I were right down the hall and if she wanted we could all go to dinner that night. The look on her face told me that she was disappointed in the news of me sharing a room with Jessica.

“Hey, it’s not what you think. We’re the only two women on the team, so it makes sense for us to share a room. Right? I mean, Richard’s daughter roomed with Jess, Brit and myself when we were working in the Cup.”

She nodded, and I left her to get their things settled away. I rang their room around 3pm, to let her know I had reservations for dinner at 5pm. She agreed to go with us and assured me that Patrick would be on his best behavior. I told her before I hung up that it wouldn’t be a problem.

Jess and I went to get them at the agreed time, and took their car to dinner. Jess drove and Patrick sat shotgun in the passenger seat. He was in heaven to be sitting next to one of his heroes as they drove the car he was in. Sarah gave me a look of ‘WTF’ when we pulled up to ‘Lava Land’, a restaurant with an attached family fun center. Jess took Patrick to go play some games, and Sarah and I went to get a table.

“She’s good with kids isn’t she?” Sarah noted.

“It helps that she refuses to grow up herself,” I laughed.

“So what made you think of this place?"

“Well it was Jess’ idea. She thought she could keep Patrick occupied while you and I had a chance to catch up on old times,” I told her as I took her hand in mine.

We talked more about what had happened since my change, and how each of us was getting along. I thanked her again for taking the time to allow me back into her life.

“If I knew then what I know now, I never would have let you go. I only pushed you away so you could live your dream of a family Sarah.” I told her as the tears started to well up in my eyes.

“And I simply waited for you. I loved you then, and I still love you now.”

“Yeah, a 35 year old widow, who works 70 hour weeks and is gone every weekend.”

“I knew what I signed up for when you started working with that Hooters Cup team back in Syracuse.”

“Yeah, but neither of us ever thought I’d be able to take it THIS far.”

She took my hand in hers and gave me a squeeze. “I did. You never gave yourself enough credit for what you know. You’re like a sponge. You soak in all the knowledge from everything you see and do and use it to make you a better person.”

“Yeah, well if I’m so damn great, how come I pushed away my pregnant fiancé, and didn’t know I had a son until a couple weeks ago?”

“It’s alright. I could have called you too you know.”

“No, that’s not the point Sarah. I should have let you be there for me, just like I should have been there for you when you needed me the most.”

“You’re here now, and it’s never too late to start over.”

I smiled at her and wiped the tears from my eyes. I looked up just as Jess and Patrick came back to the table with a HUGE stuffed teddy bear they had won. We ate and Jess told stories of our times on the road. She left out the dirty parts, like the time I kicked the guy in the balls in Phoenix, or the times Brit and I kept her up at night making out.

We all got tired out chasing after Patrick and headed back to the hotel when he finally ran out of gas just before they closed the family fun center. We headed back to the hotel, and I gave them their passes for the weekend. Jess and I would have to be at the track to sign in at 7am. I told Sarah that the pits opened at 8am, but they could get in any time. Jess fell asleep and cuddled up to me tight like she always did when we were in the same bed. Her gentle snoring put me out in a short time.

We arrived at the track refreshed and ready to go. For the first time in a long time, neither of us had a nightmare, so we both had a good night’s sleep. The team was setting up the garage and unloading the last of the equipment as we made our way into the lounge of the hauler.

“Ok, rookie meeting is at 9am, and the drivers meeting is at 11am,” I told her as I looked over the schedule they gave me at sign in.

“Ok, who’s the rookie trainer?”

“Al Senior”

“Wow, they don’t mess around.”

“No they don’t. Just listen to what he says. I know you’ve been here before in the Cup and for the open test, but don’t get cocky.”

“Yes mom,” she told me, rolling her eyes.

“I mean it Jess. You’ll be doing over 220 out there, and it’s dangerous. I’ll give you the safest car I can, but don’t drive like a fool. Promise me.”

She smiled and looked at me. “I promise. I won’t do anything stupid.”

“Too late. You’re fly is open.”

She zipped up and then flipped me off. We found where they were holding the rookie class, and Jess absorbed everything Big Al had to offer. During practice, we found some speed that the other teams couldn’t, and ended up with fast time in practice and the pole for our first race with this team at INDY. The media frenzy was intense. Reporters wouldn’t leave either of us alone. Then came the talk of cheating. We both got called into the big blue trailer for a sit down with the league officials. They said they were impounding our car and wanted to see if we were hiding traction control. I pulled the wrench out of my back pocket and handed it to the head tech official.

“Knock yourself out Billy. So, does this mean we have to go to our back up car, or are you going to give me the car back in time for me to be able to put it back together so we can make the race?”

He just looked at me and informed us that they were taking the car back to Headquarters for the official look. So, while we did set fast time, we would be starting shotgun on the field in the back up car. On the way back to the hauler, Jess looked at me and started to laugh.

“I thought you were crazy when you told me you wanted to scale both cars with me in them at the shop. Now I’m glad I went along with you on that.”

I told her, “I’m not as dumb as I look sometimes. I didn’t think this would be the reason for us having to dig out that car though. I figured someone would have collected you in an on-track incident. But, now all we have to do is make the same changes to this car that we made to the one being impounded, and you’re good to go.”

The reporters were swarming around the hauler waiting for us to get there. It was a sea of flash bulbs and microphones as they all were shouting for a comment. I took a deep breath and pushed Jess into the truck, before turning around and facing the see of media.

“The only thing I have to say is that the IRL officials are welcome to look as hard and as long as they want at the car they are taking back to their shop. The only driving aid on that car is the one that wears the helmet. Jessica does not need a computer to control her car for her. She is that good of a driver. I would have thought her record in sprint cars and what she did in NASCAR would have spoken volumes to that fact. Rest assured that the officials will get to the bottom of these accusations. There is not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that they will find that the ONLY reason the Lady Schick, Tequila Patron car went as fast as it did was due to the superior driving skills of Jessica Zimkin,” I told them as I turned and went into the hauler to meet with Jess and Chip in the lounge.

“You should go into politics Toni,” Chip told me with a Cheshire cat grin. “By the way, good idea to plug the sponsors. That’ll get at least a few plays on Sportscenter.”

“It just pissed me off that they immediately assume she’s guilty until proven innocent.”

“Just go relax the rest of the day. We’ll get the car ready for the race. You two go back to the hotel and get a good nights sleep. Remember final practice is at 9am Thursday,” Chip told us, and we headed back to the hotel.

On the way out, Sarah and Patrick were waiting for us at the main gate. So, we all stopped at Hooters for a quick bite, and it felt good to just spend time with friends and my son. I didn’t sleep a wink that night. So, I caught a cab and headed to the track at around 6am. Security let me in, and I went over the car with a fine tooth comb. When all is said and done, it is the crew chief who is responsible for the car being ready to race, and I made sure I double checked every nut and bolt on that car. I wasn’t taking anything to chance with the media already looking over our shoulder. I also made sure the security guard stayed with me as a witness to me not doing anything under-handed to the car.

When the IRL officials arrived, I was sleeping on the creeper under the car. I don’t know how long I was out, but they woke me up and informed me that tech was starting in 30 minutes. So, I found the rest of the team, and we made our way thru the tech line. We passed and then fueled the car at the pumps. Jess made her way out to the grid for final practice, and we got her strapped in.

“You really need to relax a bit Toni,” she told me. “I was worried sick when you weren’t in bed and Sarah hadn’t seen you. Where did you go?”

“I was here, making sure I kept my end of our promise. I was just making sure that your car is ready to race today. Now, what I want you to do is go out and just take it easy. Don’t go crazy. Just get the feel of this car, and don’t go all out. Just cruse around and make sure everything feels right. Then pull it in and we’ll do the final nut and bolt before the race. Got it?”

She nodded and I tapped her helmet like I always do before she goes out. She did as I asked and was the first car to pull back into the garage area. She parked the car in our stall and climbed out.

“It’s just as good as the other car. We definitely have something for these boys Sunday.” she told me.

I had the crew go over the car and make sure everything was tight before the race. We headed back to the hauler and just relaxed. We didn’t have to do anything until Sunday, so we just headed back to the hotel and then grabbed Sarah and Pat then went on a tour of the area. I took my son thru the Indianapolis Motor Speedway Museum and showed him some of the historic cars that had graced the hallowed grounds of The Brickyard. We headed back to the hotel and just relaxed for the next few days.

On race day Jess and I got to the track early and made sure we had good seats for the drivers' meeting. The officials told us all about what was going to happen. Jess would be on the pole for the parade lap then she would drop back to the tail of the field and everyone would move up one spot. We headed back to the hauler and had a little lunch then she laid down in the lounge and took a little nap. I woke her up at 10am, and we made our way to where they were holding the drivers introductions. When she went to the drivers introductions, and I went to double check the car as the crew was pushing it out on the grid. I must say that the IRL goes all out for the pre-race ceremonies. They had a color guard from the local Air Force base and Cypress Hill to play for the crowd. The pre-race wound down. They did the invocation followed by singing of “Back Home Again In Indiana,” and the national anthem, then we strapped Jess in and fired the car off. She did as she was told, and I wished the team a good race as I took my seat on the pit box next to Chip.

The green flag flew, and Jess made quick work of the back markers. She showed just as much speed as she did yesterday, and, by the time we were 10 laps into the race, she had gone from 29th to 10th. The first caution came out when one of the cars cut a tire trying to make a pass and hit the car it was passing. The driver hit the wall, but was alright. We brought her in for fresh tires and filled the car with fuel. It seems so strange to not say gas anymore, but these monsters run on alcohol. We picked up a spot in the pits and Jess took the green in 9th place. She passed 3 cars on the restart on the outside, and was running down 5th place. She went high and passed on the outside going into turn three.

Then all hell broke loose. The car she was passing didn’t turn and broad-sided her, taking them both into the wall. Both cars burst into flames in a fireball of carbon fiber and alcohol. All I could do was watch on the monitor as the rescue team tried to get the fire put out. Finally, they were able to get the drivers out of the cars, and the driver that hit Jess was taken to the infield care center. Jess wasn’t so lucky. She was air-lifted to the hospital, and I ran to the parking lot to drive there to check on how she was.

The doctors told me that she was unconscious, but stable. However there was a problem. She had received 3rd degree burns thru out 50% of her body and had broken her back in 3 places. Her vital signs were strong, but her body was in a war to keep her among the living.

I went in to the burn unit where they had her, and it didn’t even look like her. Her hair was gone, and she was all charred. Her face looked all puffy and red. I stayed at the hospital for days just waiting to see when, or even if, she would wake up.

As the days went by and she received more treatments for the burns, she lost the layers of dead burned skin, and the new skin cells started to take shape. She started to look like she was going to make a full recovery if she ever came out of the coma. They brought her back to her room, and I curled up in the chair, as I had done for about every night for the past month now. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned to see Brit standing there smiling at me. She put her finger over my mouth and told me to shush.

“This is what I’ve been telling you about Toni.”

“What is happening to Jess? Is she going to be alright?”

“Yes, in fact she’ll be as good as new. But she’ll probably never race again.”

“Why is this happening? Why her? Why now?”

“That is not important. What does matter is she will need your help. She will need you there as a friend, just as she was there for you when you needed her.”

“Can’t you tell me why this is all happening?”

“You don’t need to know that. What you do need to know is that you are both going to learn from and teach each other. Just be there for her and everything will fall into place. It’s time to wake up. She needs you,” she told me then was gone. I woke up and found Jess laying there, looking in the mirror on the wall and struggling to move.

“Jess?” I offered. She turned to look at me and started to cry.

“What the hell happened to me Toni?”

“You had a bad crash, and you’ve been in the burn unit for over a month now.” I said as I stood up to try to comfort my friend.

I hugged her, and she sobbed into my shoulder. All I could do was just stroke her bald head and hold her. I knew the shock she was going through, waking up after a coma, and I knew it felt good to just have someone to hold you. The nurse came in and then turned back around. She went to page the doctors, and I helped Jess back to bed.

The doctor came in and started taking vital signs and testing her reflexes. There were no responses to from the waist down. I held her, just holding her hand much like a mother would with a child having a nightmare, only this wasn’t a dream. Right on time, my cell phone rang and it was Chip calling me for the daily update. I told him that Jess was out of the coma, but things weren’t going well. He told me he’d be there later in the day to see how she was doing. I hadn’t told him about all that had been happening so I tried to brace him for the worst.

“Don’t be surprised if she doesn’t look the same Chip,” I told him. He just rushed off the line and hung up.

“I don’t want to see him!” Jess told me.

“He’s concerned about you. He’s called every day to see how you were doing and he really wants to make sure you’re alright.” I told her to try to comfort.

“You call this alright? I can’t move my body for gods sake!” her words stung me like a punch from a boxer.

“You’ll get through this. I’ll be here to help you every step of the way.”

The doctors left the room and left us to be alone and talk for a while. Jess drifted off to sleep, and I just stayed in the room thinking back to my own change and all that happened to me. I knew what Jess was feeling and vowed to do my best to help her adjust to her new life, whatever it may be.

---

 
To Be Continued...
 
Next time: Media Circus.

“If I didn’t think I could do it, I wouldn’t be here. I’ve never been one for a dog and pony show,” she informed him. As I whispered to her so only she could here me, “Hey lady, you want to see a donkey?” Becoming Antonia Part 13 By The girl with the wrench in her hand, & Zomba

---

 
It’s been about a few months since Jess woke up in the hospital. I visit her every day and can say without a shadow of a doubt that she is surprising the doctors every day. The same ones who told her she’d be a paraplegic with diminished use of her arms, for the rest of her life, are amazed that she can now wheel herself around in her wheel chair and for the most part take care of herself.

As for Sarah and me, I’ve been flying back and forth to Syracuse just about every other weekend, so I can see her and the kids. It’s amazing how much my boy looks and acts just like I did when I was his age. Isabelle is just adorable. Adopted or not, there is no doubt that she takes after Sarah. Both of them are very strong willed, and, if either one get’s their mind made up about something, there are two chances of changing it, slim and none. The only problem is “Slim” usually has his coat on and is half way out the door, if you catch my drift.

I kept my promise to Patrick about building a car for him to race. He took to the track like a duck to water. He moved up quickly from the Novice class and became a force to be reckoned with in the Junior Honda’s.* He even took home the win at the annual “Classic Kick-Off” race, held by the local track in Fulton. It’s one of the biggest races of the year on the east coast. It is sponsored by the Oswego Speedway and is held under the lights on the Thursday night before Labor Day. That is when the speedway holds it’s annual 200 lap season finally for the super modifieds. The race is a big treat for the kids. The speedway usually has some of it’s drivers and crews bring their cars down for the people to take a close look at, and there is usually an autograph session with the drivers before the finals start.

Meanwhile, I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure out if and how I can get Jess back behind the wheel of a race car. She’s told me on more then one occasion that the only thing she’s ever wanted to do in her life is drive. A chance encounter with an old engineering friend of mine at the PRI show, led me to think I can pull it off.

The Performance, and Racing Industry show is a who’s who of racing technology. I met up with an old friend from college, who was working for one of the venders, to have dinner when she obviously knew my mind was elsewhere.

“Ok, what’s the ‘sitch?'” she asked me sipping her drink.

“What do you mean Tina?”

“Well you’ve been sitting there for over 10 minutes and haven’t so much as touched your food. Come on, dish, what’s bothering you?”

“Well you know Jess has full movement of her arms and everything else above the waist right?”

“Yeah, you called me that day from the hospital when you found her racing her wheel chair with some kid on her floor.”

“Ok, well it got me thinking. How can I get her back in a race car? I mean she obviously still likes to race, and she CAN move her arms. But, how do I give her control over the car?”

“You’re joking right? HELLO! Earth to Toni. I work for a company that makes servos to control different parts of the car. All we’d have to do is hook up some simple hand controls in place of the peddles and BINGO! We’re racing,” she told me, just beaming with joy.

I just looked at her in shock. I never thought it would be that easy, but she was right. I was trying to go about it all wrong. I was trying to figure out how to hook up pulleys and levers to do the job, I never even thought about electrics.

“And I’ll go you one better,” she informed me. “Since I’m vice president of product development, I don’t think it would be too hard to talk the higher-ups that this would be the perfect project to put some marketing money into.”
“You mean like a sponsorship?” I asked, almost not believing my luck.

“Exactly like a sponsorship. How soon do you think you can get the car ready?”

“Well if I can talk Chip into the deal, I should be able to have it ready to go for the season opener in Homestead.”

“I’ll call my people in the morning and have them meet you at the shop Monday. How’s that sound?” Tina asked me.

“Tina, if you weren’t married, I’d kiss you,” I laughed.

“And if you weren’t so cute when you’re happy, I’d be offended you didn’t,” she told me with a wink.

I called Chip from my hotel and told him the idea. He was a bit reluctant at first, but I told him that if anyone could sell it to the league, it was him. He told me he’d do his best, and that he’d set up a meeting with the league right after the first of the year. I agreed and went to work to get the hand controls in place so I could surprise Jess for Christmas. The down side was that I was going to miss another Christmas with my son. I’ll make it up to him. I’m going to have a little surprise in store for the next time I get a chance to get home and visit with Sarah, Patrick and Isabelle.

I showed up at the hospital on Christmas day and talked the nurse into letting Jess out under my care for the day. She could always read me like a book, so she knew there was something up my sleeve when I got her in my truck and started heading out of Indianapolis in the direction of the shop.

“Alright, where are we going on such a nipple whipping cold day?” she asked as she reached over and cranked up the heater.

“Just relax. Can’t a friend help another friend get some fresh air?”

“Ok, I guess, but where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise. Just sit back and relax,” I told her as we pulled up to the shop. She just looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “Come on let’s get inside,” I told her.

“What are we doing here? You know I can’t drive,” she told me as she started to cry.

“Just relax,” I told her as I hugged her. “I told you, I have a surprise for you.”

I wheeled her into the shop and lead her over to the car I had covered up with a tarp. I yanked the tarp off and beamed at her with joy as I yelled, “Merry Christmas.”

She just looked at the car, then back at me, then back at the car. “What the hell is this Toni? You know I can’t drive anymore. HELLO! I can’t move my fucking legs.”

“You don’t have to. Tina, from Extreme Servo’s Inc., set me up with some of their products. This car is completely hand operated,” I told her, smiling from ear to ear.

She looked over the car and then caught eye of the hand controls on the steering wheel. Her eyes started to water as she looked at me and realized that her dream of driving race cars wasn’t over after all.

“Oh, Toni!” she finally said wiping the tears from her face. “You didn’t have to do this.”

“Have to, no. Need to, to help my friend. Most definitely.” I bent down to hug her

We embraced for what seemed like forever when my cell went off. I checked the caller ID and saw that it was Chip, right on time.

“Hey Chip.”

“Well? You gonna make me ask, or are you going to tell me if she said yes?”

“I haven’t asked her yet, why don’t you do it?” I told him, handing Jess the phone.

I can only guess as to what he actually asked her, but from the looks on her face she was giving, I can surmise that he asked her if she wanted another shot at INDY. She told him “Most definitely,” as she handed me back the phone.

“Ok, so we’re all set for the big day on the 7th. The league agreed that if she can drive that car you built and prove that she can handle it without trouble, they’ll let her race,” he informed me.

“We’ll be there Chip. And one more thing. Thank you.” I said as I hung up.

“Well, we need to get you back to the hospital and get you a release so we can get you to the test,” I told Jess.

“Just let them try and stop me,” she told me with that smile she has. The one I hadn’t seen in a while.

We spoke to the doctors. While reluctant to release her, they did and cleared her to drive again. So, she came back to my place with me, and we got her ready for the test and the press conference after. We met Chip at the track bright and early the next morning, and the top officials from the league were there for the test.

Jess climbed into the car by herself and strapped herself in like she always did. We had put her in the car at the shop to make sure she knew where everything was, so when the safety official went over the different parts of the controls with her she could find them without any problem. He gave her the all set, and we cranked the engine to life. I got on the headset and started my normal speech to her, like I always had.

“Ok, just take it easy for a few laps. Feel the car out, and let the tires get some heat into them. Don’t go crazy. Just relax and have fun out there. No pressure.”

“Ok mom,” she shot back at me

I was like a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs as she started her warm up laps. I trusted Tina, but I was still worried about what if something went wrong. All I could do was watch as Jess made some relatively slow laps to let the temperatures come up in both the motor and the tires. I glanced over at the league officials, and they were actually smiling as she went by.

“How’s it feel out there?” I asked her out of concern.

“I’m dropping the hammer.” She laughed as I heard the revs come up on the engine, and she took off like a scalded dog.

“No you’re not! DAMN IT JESS!” I screamed at her over the radio, then just shook my head, knowing I couldn’t stop her.

After a few laps, she was flirting with the track record again, and I thought that was enough. I looked at the head official, and he nodded to me with a smile.

“Alright lead foot, that’s enough for now. Bring it in.”

She pulled into the garage area, and the safety officials met her before she could even unbuckle. They wanted to test to see how quickly she could get out of the car if she needed to. So they pulled out a stopwatch and someone yelled go, and, before I could even think, she was out of the car and sitting on the ground at the feet of the officials. I helped her into her chair and waited for the officials to render their decision.

Chip came over to us, and, like I always told him, he should never play poker. He was beaming from ear to ear as he told us that we did it. They were letting Jess drive again. I hugged Jess and then helped her clean up for the press conference that Chip had scheduled for after the test.

It was a sea of flash bulbs as I followed Jess in to the media room. She had insisted on wheeling herself in since the last time most of these people had seen her they were taking her out of the track on a back board. We took our seats next to Chip and just sat there as he told the world the news.

“Earlier today, under the watchful eye of the top league officials, Jessica made a test run in a car that had been outfitted with special hand controls. She passed every test they gave her, including being able to extricate herself from the car in case of emergency. I am pleased to re-introduce to you all, my driver for the upcoming season, Jessica Zimpkin,” he said with a smile and went over to hug Jess, who wheeled herself over to the podium and started answering questions.

She pointed to Bod Dilner from ESPN. “Go ahead Bob.”

“Jess, that was a heck of a crash. Do you think you can put it out of your head and really drive the car like you used to?”

“If I didn’t think I could do it, I wouldn’t be here. I’ve never been one for a dog and pony show,” she informed him. As I whispered to her so only she could here me, “Hey lady, you want to see a donkey?” Which of course was making note of when we went to TJ, after one of the races out west, and, like I thought, she fought to stop from laughing.

“Ok, Jerry?” as she pointed to Dr. Jerry Punch from Speed.

“What made you want to come back after nearly being killed last season?”

She just shook her head and quoted Richard Petty. “You can take the driver out of the track, but you’ll never get the track out of the driver. Racing is all I’ve ever wanted to do since my dad strapped me into my first quarter midget when I was 4. Think what you will. Say I have a death wish if you want. But if I go, I want to go with my helmet on,” she told them all as the tears started to flow. “Alright, who’s next?” she asked.

“Who built the controls for your new car?” came a question from the back.

“I’ll turn things over to Toni. She built the car, so I’m sure she can answer any technical questions you have,” Jess said as she wheeled herself away from the podium, and I stepped up.

“The car uses the latest in servo actuated controls from Extreme Servo’s. The crew there hooked us up with everything we’d need to allow Jess to be able to control the car with just two hands,” I told them as I held up the steering wheel from the car. “Here’s her throttle lever, her brake, and clutch are on the other side. These buttons are for the air shifter.”

I went through and demonstrated the controls. “It’s actually very similar to the old Honda single seat dune buggies. The throttle is monitored by computer, and everything is fed to the TPS. The brakes were going to be my biggest headache until the league announced that ABS was legal now. So, I basically did the same thing with the brakes, having a computer monitor the lever and feed a servo attached to the master cylinder. The clutch is just a straight shot at the servo, with no computer monitor,” I told them. I held the wheel still, so they could get a good look at it. “Extreme Servo’s even hooked us up with a safety override. So that all she has to do is hit this button here, and every servo returns to it’s home position. Which is full off for the throttle, and full on for the brakes. Ladies and gentlemen, you are looking at the future of our sport. This will be the safest car on the track at the season opener in Homestead, period.” I looked around and smiled for the cameras as the flash bulbs made me think a strobe light was going off.

When all was said and done, we answered questions for over 2 hours, and, after it was over, Chip pulled us aside and had the most serious talk I’d ever remembered having with him.

“Promise me, that whatever happens from here on out. We win INDY.”

Jess and I just nodded at him, and we went back to my place and just crashed into bed after a long day.

To be continued:

* www.quartermidgets.org for info about the class Patrick races

“You know what. F*** YOU! All I’ve done is take s*** from officials and more s*** from the press. F*** it! I don’t need it!” Becoming Antonia Part 14 By Little miss potty mouth, & Zomba

---

 

The media fire storm we created with the press conference was crazier than when we won the sprint car nationals. Larry King even had us both on to talk about why she was doing it.

“Is this a publicity stunt, or are you really going to try to race the other drivers, with just hand controls?” he asked.

“Why is it that when someone with a disability tries to overcome their little problem, the world assumes that they are just out for the glory?” she asked. Then in a mocking tone she continued, “Oh, look at me I’m a girl in a wheelchair, but I drove in a race car. Everyone come look at the freak!”

She was getting hot now. I’d never seen her this fired up. “If you, or anyone else for that matter, think for one second that I’m going to just go out there and just turn laps, and not drive what’s left of my ass off in that race car to make sure my sponsor ends up in victory lane and have my face engraved as the first woman ever to win the Indianapolis 500, you are sadly mistaken. I am a racer MISTER King. I have been a racer since I was 4 years old. The only thing I’ve ever wanted to do is drive faster then anyone else on the track that day. It’s all I still think about.

You see this wheel chair, and you take pity on me.” She put her hand on my shoulder. “My best friend saw me in this chair and knew that I was proving the doctors wrong. The same people who told me I’d be a pataplegic, with limited use of my arms and hands for the rest of my life. I proved them wrong by being able to use my arms better than I did before the crash.

Toni saw me and didn’t take pity on me, she saw me as a friend and tried to help me get back to doing what I love to do, drive race cars. People act like I’m the only person in the world doing this. Guess what, I’m not.

Does the name Alex Zanardi ring a bell? Let me clue you in. Indy car champion, who went to Formula 1 and then lost the use of his legs in a bad crash. Guess what? He’s still driving race cars. He’s still winning races. He’s still winning championships. Are you asking him if this is a publicity stunt? No, because I’m a woman, you try to hold me to a different standard. That’s BULL....!”

They bleeped out the rest of her statement.

“You bring up and interesting point Jessica. Joining us live via satellite from Germany, is Alex Zanardi. Welcome Alex,” Larry told us as Alex’s face came on the monitor.

“Thanks for having me”

“Let’s get right down to it. Is Jessica being held to a different set of standards just because she’s a woman?”

“Yes she is Larry, and I too think it’s bull....”

They bleeped him out too.

“She’s a driver. When we race on the track, it doesn’t matter to a driver if the person in the other car is a man, woman, or hermaphrodite. They are other drivers, and all you want to do is out drive them. So, everyone making a big deal about her trying to come back needs to lighten up. I think she’s lucky to have such a great friend who wants to help her succeed. And Toni, when you are done playing in the US, look me up. I could use a person like you building my race cars.”

I was floored. Here was a man I grew up watching race, and he was asking me to build him a car. I haven’t looked at the tape yet, but I’ll bet my face was beet red from the shock. Then it dawned on me, he used to drive for Chip too.

“How about you come back here, and we knock the racing world on it’s ass by having the first 1, 2 finish in INDY history by paraplegic drivers?” I shot back with a big smile on my face, and I could see the gears turning in his head as he thought about it.

“Let me talk to Chip about it,” he said just before we went to break.

A couple days later, while I was tuning the computers on the car, Chip came up to me and was laughing his head off.

“Can you tell me why I just got a call from Alex?” Chip asked me.

“Uh, because I told him that if he came back to drive for you, I’d build him a car just like I did for Jess.”

“Yeah, then tell me why I’m paying you what I’m paying you?”

“Because you know no one else is better suited to handle Jess than I am.”

He just looked at me and handed me an envelope.

As I took it from him my mind started to race. I’ve seen this scenario played out many times. There is a check and a pink slip in there. So I went on the offensive. “What? You’re going to fire me? Just like that? Because I think I can give you a 1, 2 finish at INDY with two drivers that are both in wheel chairs? You know what. FUCK YOU! All I’ve done is take shit from officials and more shit from the press. Fuck it! I don’t need it!” I was fuming, and Chip just stared at me.

“Uh, ok, maybe I should give you a bigger raise?” he said like a kid that had just been sent home from school with a note from the teacher.

“Wait, what? Raise? You mean this isn’t a pink slip?” I asked in shock and now embarrassment.

“Uh, no. Why would I fire the woman who just gave me the biggest marketing ploy of all time. You’re a genius Toni. The only way you’re leaving Chip Ganassi Racing is when YOU decide it’s over.”

“Oh, wow, I need some time off. I think I’m starting to crack up. Sorry about that Chip. It’s just that I’ve seen this before. Someone makes a statement on national TV, and the next thing they know, they are looking for another job,” I told him, rubbing my head.

“Take the afternoon off. Go relax. Do something to get your mind right,” he told me with a smile. “ Tell you what. Take the jet, go home, visit your family and just relax. We’ll see you next week.”

“Wow, um, thanks Chip. Damn. Look, sorry about the whole 'F' you thing.”

“Don’t worry about it. You said it yourself, you’ve been under a lot of stress. So, take some time, with pay. Go enjoy yourself.” He kissed me on the forehead and sent me on my way.

I packed and met the plane at the corporate terminal at the airport and headed back to Syracuse. I had a rental car waiting for me when I got there, so I could surprise my mom and Sarah. I stopped at a nearby flower shop and got a couple bouquets, then headed for mom’s office. I went up to her floor and stood there at the front counter with the flowers in front of my face, so you really couldn’t tell it was me.

“Excuse me, I have a delivery for Michelle,” I told the receptionist.

“Let me page her,” she told me as she called into mom’s office. Mom came out and had a puzzled look on her face as I held the flowers so she couldn’t tell it was me.

“Who are these from?” she asked as she reached for the vase.

“Your kid,” I told her as I pulled the flowers down, and then stood there as mom hugged me with tears in her eyes.

“What are you doing here? Isn’t this your busy time?”

“Chip told me to take a week and just relax. I’ve been under a lot of stress, and he knew I needed to just chill. So, he lent me his jet to fly home,” I told her giggling and crying with her.

Mom took an early lunch, and we just chatted over a sandwich. I told her I’d call her later, after I saw Sarah and Patrick. So, she went back to work, and I went to Sarah’s. She was pulling in her driveway just as I was pulling up in front of her house. So, I tried the same trick, but Patrick had seen me, and came running to hug me, as Sarah just looked shocked that I was there.

“Hey sport, how was school today?” I asked him as he hugged my waist.

“We just got back from the MOST!” he told me.

“Cool, I used to love going there when I was a kid.”

He smiled and ran into the house when Sarah told him to let the dog out.

“These are for you,” I told her as I held out the bouquet. We both stood there in the middle of the sidewalk in the middle of February in Syracuse, freezing our tit’s off.

“Um, thanks, you want to come in?” she asked, as she took the flowers from me.

“That would be nice,” I said, and I helped her with her bags from the store. “So how were the holidays?”

“They were pretty un-eventful for once. No major drama, or anything weird happening.”

“Did Pat get the gifts I sent him?”

“Oh, you mean the complete collection from both legos and hot wheels? Yes, and I think you need to explain to him that he needs to pick up his cars when he’s done playing with them.”

“Yeah, I was the same way as a kid,” I told her giggling. “Did you get the gifts I sent you and Isabelle?”

She looked me in the eyes and smiled. “Yes. She just loves the Barbie play house you got her, and the tea set is used every night before she’ll go to sleep. The sweater you sent for me is lovely. The skirt goes great with the shirt my mom got me, and the necklace was adorable. Thank you,” she said, as she kissed me.

“Did you look in the locket?”

“No, I thought it was just a plain cameo.”

“No. Here,” I told her, as I pulled the locket open and showed her the three pictures inside. One was of her and myself as Pat from when we first started dating. The other on the outer was of us from INDY. The third was of her, Patrick, Isabelle, and myself.

She started to cry. “It’s a past, present and future locket.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t say anything, just gimme a hug,” I told her as I took her in my arms, as Patrick came back in with the dog.

“Mommy, why are you crying?” he asked.

“Because mommy’s happy honey,” she told him, as she pulled him into our hug, and I hoisted him onto my hip.

“Wow, you’re getting big aren’t you?” I asked my son.

“Yes I am Momma Toni. I’m the tallest kid in my class,” he informed me with a beaming grin.

Then it dawned on me that he called me momma. My son, for the first time since I’d met him, had acknowledged me as part of him. All I could do was stand there and cry and hug my boy as I tried to look at Sarah. I couldn't speak, so I had to mouth the words ‘thank you’ to her while I tried to wipe the tears away.

“Tell you what, let’s go out to dinner. It’s Friday, and I’m taking my family out,” I told Sarah and Patrick.

“So what time are we picking your mom up?” she asked me.

“No, I was thinking of something else,” I told her as I got down on one knee and pulled a box from my pocket. I opened it and showed the ring inside to Patrick. “Do you think Mommy would like to have this?”

“Wow, Mommy Toni, that’s as big as the ring Uncle James gave Aunt Amanda,” he smiled at me. “Mommy always said she liked her ring.”

“Ok, now for the important question. If it’s alright with mommy, would you like to be one big family?” I asked him, as Sarah started to cry.

“Would I? You mean it? You’re gonna come and live with us and Isabelle?” he asked beaming more.

“We’d all live together, that is if your mom says yes to me,” I told him, as I turned the ring box to Sarah and reached for her hand.

She nodded and squeaked out a yes as she held out her hand for me to put the diamond on. Then, she pulled me up to her and hugged me tight. Just like the first time I asked her to marry me, I whispered into her ear as she held on to me. “Where is the baby?”

“Mandy and James are bringing her by in a little while.”

“Good so you and I get to share the happy news with your sister, who last time she actually spoke to me, told me to move my skinny ass off her cooler, while you and I were having an important conversation.” I told her with a pseudo smile.

“It’ll be alright. She and I’ve talked since then and she’s actually alright with you being around again,” she told me with a smile.

“So, no drama like we had on Valentines a few years back?”

“Nope. If she starts to get pissy, just remember that your son is here and don’t do anything.”

“I know. I’ll keep my cool,” I told her, as I hugged her. “Besides, tonight is about celebrating you,” I told her, and I playfully poked her in the nose then kissed her.

As if on cue, JD and Mandy walked in with the baby. As I broke off the kiss, I saw Mandy standing there open-mouthed, just looking at me. I smiled and waved from the kitchen as she let the baby down off her hip and Patrick ran to hug her. After they got their coats off, Patrick and Isabelle went upstairs to go play while the “adults” had a chat in the living room.

“Well? Are you going to tell them?” I asked Sarah with a giggle.

“Tell us what?” Mandy asked with a “WTF” look on her face.

“This,” was all Sarah said as she held out her hand with the ring I had made for her. It’s normally called a mother's band. It had several stones inlayed in a gold band, usually consisting of the month stone for the wedding and the birth months of the children. I had them change it slightly and have the center stone sit up a little. Then, I had Patrick’s and Isabelle’s birth stones put in to flank the center diamond, which I had gotten from my dad. It was the original stone he had given mom in their engagement ring.

Mandy was speechless for the first time in all the time I’d known her. She just kept looking at the ring, then at Sarah, then at me and then back to the ring. JD was the first to break the ice.

“Wow, that’s a nice ring Sarah. So does this mean what I think it means?” he asked.

Sarah nodded and Mandy got up and hugged her sister tight. I stood, and JD shook my hand. We just stood there, waiting for the tender sister moment to finish.

“Do mom and dad know yet?” Mandy asked.

“No. Toni only asked me about 2 minutes before you guys showed up.”

Mandy looked at me with a straight face then started to smile as she reached out and pulled me into a hug, while whispering in my ear, “If you hurt her, I will find you and kill you a slow painful death.”

“You won’t have to. If I hurt her, I’ll kill myself,” I whispered back.

“Ok, let's get the kids ready. I’m taking us all out to dinner,” I told everyone.

We had a quiet sit down dinner at “Dominic’s”, a little Italian place in Syracuse. I thought it would be a nice place to enjoy the meal. Patrick and Isabelle surprised me with how well behaved they both were while we all ate. After dinner, I asked Sarah if it would be alright if we stopped by the toy store.

“Good kids like ours deserve something for behaving like a perfect little lady and gentleman,” I told her.

“Ok, but nothing too big.” she told me, as I giggled.

We got to the toy store, and she went with Isabelle. I took Patrick, more like my son took me, to the same part of the store I always made a bee-line for when I was his age. We picked out a couple of the larger Hot Wheels cars and went to find his mom and sister, who were drooling over the latest in dolls.

“Find any you like honey?” I asked Isabelle. Who just nodded. “Ok, which ones do you want?”

She pointed to a couple of dolls and I smiled at her as I plucked them from the shelf for her. I handed her the boxes as we made our way to the checkout. We met JD and Mandy back at Sarah’s house, and I asked them if they would mind watching the kids while Sarah and I went to break the news to my mom.

“Ok, but her curfew is 10pm, and no funny stuff,” Mandy said with a giggle, trying to sound like a mom.

“Ok, mom,” Sarah shot back, as she stuck out her tongue at her younger sister.

“Ok, you know where everything is. Here’s my cell number, and Sarah’s cell, my mom’s cell, and Doug’s. Here’s their house number. The number for poison control, and if anything happens just call 911. Lock the door behind us, and don’t answer the phone or the door. There are some weirdo’s in this neighborhood, and we don’t want anything to happen to you kids,” I shot back, trying to play the part of parent talking to a teen babysitter. I was met with a finger from Mandy. We all had a laugh over the whole thing, then Sarah and I went to go see mom.

We pulled up around 9pm, and I had called mom on my cell to make sure she was still up. She let us into the building, and we all sat in the living room as Doug made coffee for himself and me and some tea for mom and Sarah. Once everyone was there, I turned to Sarah and smiled.

“You want to tell her or do you want me to do it?” I asked.

“Tell us what? Mom asked as she looked at me, then at Sarah.

“I’m going to be a part of my son’s life mom. I asked Sarah to marry me tonight and she said yes,” I told her beaming with happiness.

Mom stood up and hugged Sarah then asked to see the ring. Sarah held out her hand, and mom smiled as she apparently recognized the stone I’d had used for the center. She hugged me and asked if we’d set a date.

“No, not yet mom. There’s still a few things to work out,” I told her.

“Ok, well are you moving back to Syracuse or is Sarah moving to Indianapolis with you?”

“That’s one of the things we need to work out,” I said.

“I’ll be moving to Indy. JD and Mandy will be in Belvedere, so they won’t be too far away.”

“Wow, I guess I’ll have to talk to Chip and the crew at the shop to see if they know which are the good schools to have you teach at then huh?” I asked

“That’s one option,” Sarah told me with a sly grin.

“Or you could home school the kids and make sure they both get the best education around,” I shot back with a smile, which was met with a big hug from Sarah.

“We can talk about that too,” she told me as she looked at her watch. “It’s getting late and we need to get back before “Momma Mandy” has kittens.”

I hugged mom and Doug and told her I’d call her to meet up for lunch tomorrow. As Sarah and I went out to the car, I asked her to call Mandy and tell her we were on our way, that way she wouldn’t worry. She did, and we got back to the house just a bit before 10pm. Sarah went to put her key in the door, and I grabbed her and pulled her into a very romantic kiss right there on the front steps. It kind of reminded me of when we used to date, and I’d walk her to the door after every date. Suddenly, the light came on, and there was Mandy standing in the doorway grinning.

“I thought I said no funny stuff missy?” she held back a giggle as she tried to sound stern.

“Yes mom,” Sarah shot back, rolling her eyes.

We said good-bye to JD and Mandy and got ready for bed. I went to check on the kids while Sarah washed up. I looked in on Isabelle first, as she slept there looking like the complete angel she is. I made sure not to squeak the door as I gently shut it. When I peeked in on Patrick, I saw him laying there cuddling with a plush Grave Digger monster truck. This immediately brought back the memory of my dad taking me to my first monster truck show when I was his age. The tears started to roll down my cheek as I felt Sarah’s soft hand and arm wrap around my waist. She smiled and wiped the tears away for me as she pulled the door shut and took me by the hand to the bedroom.

“From what I learned from your dad,” she told me hugging me tight, “he’s more like you then you’ll ever know.”

“Yeah, that’s what scares the hell out of me. I know what I was like growing up.” I started to giggle, as I wiped more tears away, “I guess the mother’s curse is holding true: ‘I hope you have one just like you.'”

“I hope he grows up to be just like you too,” Sarah told me, with a kiss on the cheek, and she snuggled me close as we both drifted off to sleep.

To be continued...

“It’s 3am here, so that would put it 6am you’re time?” “What are you doing up Kahlene?” “I couldn’t sleep. Look, there’s trouble brewing, and I wanted you give you a heads up.” Becoming Antonia Part 15 By She who is not a morning person, and Zomba

---

 

I awoke to the sound of my cell phone going off and Sarah moaning for me to shut it off.

“This is Toni.”

“Toni, it’s Kahlene. Did I wake you?”

“Yeah, what time is it?”

“It’s 3am here, so that would put it 6am you’re time?”

“What are you doing up Kahlene?”

“I couldn’t sleep. Look, there’s trouble brewing, and I wanted you give you a heads up.”

“Ok, what is it this time?” I asked with a sigh.

“It’s Breck. He’s been telling everyone that you had a sex change and you tried to hit on him when you worked out here, so that’s why he fired you.”

“You’re shitting me right?” I asked trying to comprehend what she was telling me.

“I wish I were. He showed up drunk the other night with a news crew, and they were asking all about you.”

“What did you tell them?”

“Just you were the best mechanic I ever had work for me, and if I could have afforded to keep you on when you quit Breck, that I’d still have you working for me today.”

“Thanks, that means a lot.” I told her and tried to clear my head. “What did you say about my um... sex?”

“I told them to take a good look at Breck. Then asked what a good looking woman like yourself would ever want with a drunk like him,” she told me with a slight laugh.

“Seriously? What’s he thinking? How did he know who I was?”

“I think one of the kids let it slip. Don’t worry though, I think he’s lost most of his credibility with the media.”

“Well that might explain about the incident on MTV last year.”

“He already admitted to that. He thinks it’s a bunch of shit that you’re making something of your life and he’s pretty much lost everything. He even wrapped his car around a tree the other night on the way home from the bar.”

“Was there anyone else in the car with him?”

“No, he was alone. Melissa and the kids were here.”

“Good, that’s a relief. At least he didn’t hurt anyone but himself.”

“So what are you going to do Toni?”

“I have to make a phone call,” I told her with a sigh. “Look, here’s what I need you to do. Tell Melissa that the kids need to stay away from him for the next couple days, and that if there are any loose ends she needs to tie up, get it taken care of today. She won’t have a chance after I make that call, and thanks Kah. If you ever need anything, let me know,” I told her.

“Well now that you mention it. We’ll be running Bren in the little 500, so if you could stop down that would be great.”

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I told her. “See you there.”

As I hung up the phone I grabbed my brief case and started looking for the number I needed for the law firm for the University. I found it and went down stairs to start breakfast for Sarah and the kids. When they finally came down, I had a stack of french toast and bacon waiting on the table. It felt good to play the parent roll with my son and his sister. I guess I should start calling her my daughter since we’ll be one big family before too much longer. The kids devoured the food and went to go play as Sarah sat there sipping her tea while I cleaned up.

“Who called at oh dark thirty this morning?”

“It was Kahlene. You remember her, she’s the woman I worked for out in Arizona.”

“Yeah, but what the hell was she calling at such and early hour for?”

“She couldn’t sleep. She had to tell me that there might be a problem brewing,” I said, and told her everything Kahlene told me.

“So what are you going to do Toni?”

I looked at the clock and saw it was nearly time for someone to be in the law office. “I have to make a phone call. I don’t think this is going to be pretty, but I need to do this. It’s all part of the deal I made with the university with my settlement.” I told her. She just nodded, and left me there to do what I had to do, and she went to check on the kids.

I got a hold of the lawyer who had handled my case before and recounted everything that I had been told earlier. To say he was disturbed by the events would be a gross understatement. Livid would be more appropriate. He told me it would be taken care of and I needn’t worry about this happening again, at least not from Breck.

A couple days later, I heard from Kahlene that Breck had been put into a psych ward and was being given heavy doses of anti-psychotics. I didn’t ask her who admitted him, nor did I call the lawyer to ask either. I didn’t want to know.

Sarah and I spent the next week together, trying to set a time frame for the wedding. It amazes me how much has changed since I first changed. When I was going to marry Britt, we had to move to Canada because NY didn’t recognize same sex marriage. Now it's a couple years later and we have a female president, and it’s now legal in the entire country to do so. Sarah told me that she really wanted to home school the kids, and we had talked about it before. Back when I was Pat, we had both thought it was a good idea, if we had the ways and means to do it. Now, here we are, and it is becoming a reality.

We set the date for the weekend after INDY. That way I would be assured to have an off weekend and be able to help finalize the ceremony. Of course, Mandy is going to be Sarah’s matron of honor, and Marah will be her maid of honor. I asked Jess to be my maid of honor, and she made me a promise that she’d be there standing by my side. I don’t doubt for a moment that she’ll do it either.

As much fun as it was for me to go back to Syracuse, I needed to get back to the shop and finish putting the finishing touches on the car for the season opener. No worries though, Sarah and the kids are going to be moving to Indianapolis with me in a couple of weeks. I kissed the kids and gave my bride to be a long hug and a soft kiss as I got on the plane to fly back. On the flight, I couldn’t help but let my mind drift to strange thoughts, and how my life sounds like one lame story written by a guy who REALLY needs to get out of the house more often. If I ever meet this guy, I’m going to kick his ass up and down pit row at Daytona.

The pilot woke me up just before we touched down in INDY, He had let Chip know that I was inbound, and Chip had asked if I could meet him at the shop. I collected my things and loaded my bags into my truck then headed to find out what was so important for Chip to want to see me about. I pulled into the parking lot and could see that most of the crew was there, which was strange for a weekend, but I didn’t think too much of it, since we were trying to get a second car ready for the season. I made my way into the office and found Chip.”

“What’s up Chip? You wanted to see me?” I asked as I walked in to find him doing some work in the computer.

“Toni, glad to see you made it back in one piece. How was Syracuse?”

“Great. I’m getting married.”

“Congratulations, who’s the lucky girl?”

“A dear old friend.” I told him, not wanting to drop the bomb about her also being the mother of my son.

“Have a seat, we need to talk.” he told me with the most serious look I’ve ever seen on his face. I shut the door and took a seat, preparing for the worst. “Let me start by saying that I meant what I said before you left for Syracuse. You are NOT, and I repeat, not being fired. But I do need you to level with me. I have some reports here that I just can’t wrap my head around. When you were on MTV last year, I didn’t think much of it at the time. I thought it was someone just screwing with you, but here are 3 different reports that you used to be a guy. If you had a sex change, I don’t care. You are with out a doubt the best racing mind I’ve ever met and there is no way I’m letting you go. But what gives?”

I was floored. I didn’t know what to do at this point, so I felt that since Chip always shot straight with me, I’d do the same with him.

“Yes, I did used to be a guy.” I told him and you could see all the color drain from his face. “However, I did not have sexual reassignment surgery. What happened to me was a freak accident involving some toxic waste that had been dumped illegally behind the college near where Jess, Britt and I went to school. I have an idea of what you’re going thru right now Chip.” I told him with a worried look on my face. “It’s kind of a hard thing to come to grips with,” I said as I watched him look at me, trying to think.

“Um, do you have any pictures of what you used to look like?” he asked me. So, I pulled out the picture book Sarah had made for me as basically a time line of my life. She had gotten my baby pictures from my mom and some of me with my quarter midgets. Then there were pictures of me playing soccer, baseball, football and basketball as I grew up. Then my highschool track & field team picture, and a copy of my yearbook photo. Opiee had given her some pictures of me from college, and then she had the picture of myself and Morgan Shepherd at the Brickyard 400 when I worked for him. That was the one Chip stopped on. I had never noticed before, but in the corner of the picture I had, you could see Chip and his driver at the time in the cup talking. They had been right behind us in qualifying. He looked at the picture then back at me, then back at the picture, then back at me.

“You know Toni, I remember when this was taken. You and that big blond kid that worked with you were the only two on that crew that presented yourselves in a professional manner. If I had known that you were unhappy at Morgan’s, I would have offered you a job myself, back then.”

“Wow, thanks Chip that means a lot to me. But keep going, the next section after the photos of me with Kahlene are of the change at the hospital,” I told him, and he started to flip the page.

The next photos were of myself with Kahlene and Brendan when I worked on their cars. Then there was a couple more photos from Opiee, from Hell Night, before the accident. The hospital photo’s came next. I could watch all the color drain from Chips face again. This was the first time he’d seen me “sans clothing.” He blushed a bit, but the rest of his face was pale as a ghost. He finished the hospital photos, then saw me going through as Psi Sigma Psi, and then Britt and I getting married. The final page was of the Sprint Nationals, and of the Cup banquet. The final picture was one taken before I left Syracuse, of Sarah, Isabelle, Patrick, and myself. Chip saw me holding Patrick and smiled at me.

“Your son looks just like you Toni. Well that is to say...” he stumbled over what to say.

“I know what you mean Chip. The thing that scares the hell out of me is that he acts like I did at his age too,” I told him giggling. “So now you know the truth, what do we do now?”

“We don’t do anything,” he told me with a Cheshire cat grin on his face. “We let the lawyers handle it. If anyone asks just refer them to the lawyers, and say no comment.”

“You’re the boss. I’ll try to keep my cool, but I make no guaranties.”

“So when is the wedding?” he asked me trying to lighten the mood.

“The weekend after INDY,” I told him.

“Am I to assume that Sarah is the mother of your son?”

“Um, yeah, it’s a long story, but I do have something to ask you, if it’s alright.”

“Ask away. I don’t think there is anything you could ask me that would be near as bad as I just had you go through for me.”

“Okay,” I told him as I started to bite my upper lip. “Well you know my father passed away a couple years back. And well, you’re as close to a father figure as I have in my life right now Chip.” I started to sweat, as I tried to think of how to ask him.

“And you want me to walk you down the isle?”

“Well, if you’re free that weekend...”

“I’d be honored to give away one of the brides,” he told me as he stood up and walked around the desk to give me a tender, fatherly hug.

“Thanks Chip. You know, I think that with everything that’s gone on in my life, you’re the first person who I’ve met, other then Sarah, of course, who I feel safe enough around to open up to. I mean, I’ve opened up a little to Jess, but most of my energy is spent trying to keep her safe, that I just can’t let go. I think you learned more about my life in these past 30 minutes then she has in the past 4 years.”

“Then I should be thanking you for letting me into your inner sanctum,” he smiled as we both got ready to head out for the day. “Oh, one more thing. Alex is coming in tomorrow to get fitted for his new car, and he requested that you be here to do it.”

“Just try to keep me away,” I told him as I picked up my book and then headed out for home.

To be continued:

The last thing I remember seeing was the ground rushing up at me, then everything went black. Becoming Antonia Part 16. By; She who has been put in witness protection to stop you all from lynching her.& Zomba, who is also in hiding, so don't bother looking.

---

 

The weeks that followed my getting back to the shop kept me busier than a one-legged woman in an ass kicking contest. First, there was getting Alex fitted into his new ride. Then came all the press conferences, and media days. Followed by testing, and finally the season starting.

Let me tell you, Miami really knows how to throw a party when it comes time to go racing. The opening day was like being at the circus. There were bands and fireworks, and I think I spotted a real circus set up just outside the main gate.

I was a bundle of nerves when I arrived at the track. Don’t get me wrong, I’m normally nervous, but today I thought my heart was trying to beat it’s way out of my chest. Jess was making her comeback, and Alex was coming back from racing over in Europe for about 10 years. This would be his first oval in all that time, and here Jess was climbing back into the car for an actual race for the first time since her crash at INDY last season. To compound things, Sarah, Patrick and Isabelle had been snowed in, so they couldn’t fly down for the race. I was sitting in the lounge checking out the weather report when Chip came in.

“Toni, we have a problem,” he said to me, not knowing I was already on edge from my own mind running wild.

“FUCK ME! What now?” I shot back as I swirled around in my chair to face him.

“They just set the car down on Robert’s foot. The paramedics are taking him to the hospital for x-rays, but they don’t think he’ll be back for the start of the race,” he informed me.

“SHIT!” I said as I pounded my fist on the table. “And, no one else on the team can understand a fucking thing Alex is saying about the car.”
“Well you can, right?” he asked me sheepishly.

“You’re fucking kidding right?” I asked him with a raised eyebrow. “You want me to Chief two cars? In a race where we’ll be under the microscope as it is. You can stand there and tell me you want me to run both shows, and still make the right calls for both cars?” I shook my head at him. “What am I, Fucking Wonder Woman?”

“Well, if it’ll make it easier on you, I can sit on Jess’ box and try to call the shots over there for this one.”

“I guess that’s what we’ll have to do. Just instant message me about what she’s saying about the car.” I started to giggle as I felt a bit relieved that I wasn’t going to have to go it alone. “Just remember, if she ever uses the phrase, ‘it’s a loosie, tightie... kind of like driving an old log wagon,’ that’s a bad thing.”

“WHAT?” he asked in shock.

“Jess has her own special way of telling me the car sucks,” I said with a giggle. “We were at Daytona one day when Sterling Marlin told his crew chief that. Jess asked him what it meant and adopted it for herself.”

“Ok, so a log wagon is a bad thing. Got it.”

“She doesn’t talk much if the car is bad. If she’s happy with the feel, she’ll be cracking jokes, but usually I pull the reins and get her focus back. That’s you’re job today,” I told him acting like a mother. “I gave her mom my word that her daughter would be alright in the new car.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he shot back, saluting me like he was in the army.

I left and went to the garage with the latest weather report with me. After I re-mapped the fuel, I went over both cars with wrenches to make sure everything was tight. Then I did a visual inspection of both car’s tires. All in all everything looked alright, so I made my way to the drivers' meeting.

We were packed in there like sardines. I think every newspaper in the world had a reporter on hand to see what would happen when two paraplegic drivers got on the track at the same time. The officials, for their part, simply welcomed Alex and Jessica back to the series and then informed the whole field of the new ‘Rough Riding’ rule. It was meant to cut down on the blocking the league had seen last season, and they didn’t want any more drivers to get hurt. Once the meeting was over, I took Jess and Alex out a back door since I knew the reporters would be fighting to get some face time with them.

I wanted them to relax and just got them back to the hauler so they both could just take a breath and get their heads clear. It was going to be a long day, and I had to break the news to them both that I’d be sitting on Alex’s pit box today. Jess was a bit put out, but when Chip explained to her that no one else could understand Alex with his heavy accent on the radio but me, she calmed down.

The race itself was going well. Alex and Jess were working together on the track, and, once they found each other on the track, they were a virtual freight train. Nose to tail every lap, just using the draft to pick off the other cars at will. We actually were looking good to go for the win after the last round of pit stops. I took this chance to IM chip and tell him that we’d work with them until the last lap. Then it was game on. I looked over and saw him talk to Jess over the radio, and, as he looked back at me, he gave me a thumbs up.

Nose to tail they went, just clicking off laps that rivaled those turned in qualifying. They were setting a pace that was sure to be the fastest ever at Miami. The white flag came out, and Jess dove low going into turn 1. I started cursing at her, though she couldn’t hear me, for making her move too soon. All I could do was watch on the tv, as Alex got her back down the back straight. She made a move in the middle of 3, and 4 that set her up to be on the inside going through the tri-oval. They were neck and neck, and at that point I didn’t care who won. I was just happy they were both still running after the race. Everyone was looking around, and both teams were jumping up and down celebrating, as Chip and I both watched for the replay on tv. I saw that Jess had squeaked out the win by less than the length of the front spoiler and started jumping up and down in joy myself. It was then that one of the guys bounced into the pit box and shook it just enough to send me stumbling off the top. The last thing I remember seeing was the ground rushing up at me, then everything went black.

I found myself sitting up in bed panting like I’d just push-started a cup car by myself. I looked around, but the room was pitch black. I swung my legs around and fumbled for which as I did, I felt someone else in bed with me. I turned it on to see I was in a hotel room.

I tried to climb out of bed carefully so as not to wake up whoever was still sleeping in my bed. The one thing I found was that my arms were hairy as all hell. This is when I made my way to the mirror on the wall. It was me. The old me. I was Pat again. I couldn’t help but feel confused at this point.

“What the fuck?” I asked as I touched my face and watched in the mirror.

“What’s wrong Pat? Cramps again?” came Sarah’s voice.

“What? No, I’m me. I’m not a girl.”

“No shit. I think your male part is robbing the blood from your brain. Now shut up and come back to bed.”

“No, you don’t get it. I was a woman. I changed into one.”
“Are you drunk? What the hell kind of champagne did you get for our anniversary?”

“Wait a minute, where are we?”

“Niagra Falls. Now, turn the fucking light off and get back in this bed. I want to cuddle. It’s going to be three weeks before we see each other again.”

“Three weeks?” I asked her. “Why so long?”

“Well, you’re going to Hell Night next weekend, and then I’m in Philly for the following two weeks. Come on, stop playing around. You know this. It’s why we’re here.”

“It’s our two year anniversary of when we started dating.”

“Good, so you aren’t stupid, just annoying. Now come back to bed.”

“Alright,” I told her as I made my way back and turned off the light. “You know, I’ve been thinking,” I whispered in her ear as I cuddled with her in the bed. “I don’t think I’m going to go to Hell Night after all. Something just doesn’t feel right about it.”

“Come on Pat, you love seeing the guys,” she told me as she bent in to give me a kiss. “Besides, what’s the worst that could happen?”

To Be Continued... I swear there is more. What, you thought I'd just leave it here? Um, NO! There's more, so please put down the pitch forks and torches.

All I could think to myself was that line Harry Gant used in the movie ‘Stroker Ace’, “Aw hell, here we go again.” Becoming Antonia Part 17. By; Her, you know the one, & Zomba.

---

 

I was still a bit nervous about going to Alfred for Hell Night, but, with much prodding from Sarah, I ended up going. It was good to see the old faces again and meet the guys who would become the future of the house. All in all, it was a relaxing time. We were up on the hill and partook in adult beverages until late, when some one said something that sent a chill through my body.

“Hey, I’ve got the munches. Who want’s to go for Chinese food?”

Have you ever had one of those moments of déja vu? I sat there by the fire and saw that whole dream I’d had flash before my eyes. All I could think to myself was that line Harry Gant used in the movie ‘Stroker Ace’, “Aw hell, here we go again.”

We started to make our way down the snow covered hill and déja vu struck again as I felt my foot slip, and I grabbed onto the same tree that I’d done in the dream. Then I heard it.

“Cup check!”

Followed by two quick claps, and a sharp pain in my nuts. The last thing I remember thinking to myself was “I really need to start wearing a cup to these parties,” and that was it, before my whole world went black as I tumbled down the hill.

I woke up in the hospital just as they were showering me with hot water to get whatever I’d fallen in off me. I let out a scream and passed out again as I felt the water scald my skin. The next thing I knew, I was in a room and as I opened my eyes there were my parents, Sarah, and my step dad sitting there having a quiet conversation.

“What the hell happened?” came my groggy voice, which was met with a hug from Sarah and my mom.

“You fell down the a hill behind the ‘U’ hun,” Sarah informed me.

“All I remember was waking up when they started to spray me with that hot water.”

“That was to wash the toxic waste off you,” mom said, with a concerned look on her face.

“Toxic WHAT?” I shouted, which caused one of the nurses to come in and then leave.

“Calm down,” Sarah told me as she held my hand. “You’re going to be alright. They say you’ll be fine, as soon as your hair grows back.”

“Fuck,” was my only reply as déja vu struck again.

“We should leave, you need your rest hun.,” mom said, and she gave me a tender kiss on the head.

Sarah refused to leave. Even when the doctor came in and asked her to step out into the hall, she stayed right there by my side. The doctor told us both that I was found and brought to the hospital by some friends. To which I’d nodded.

“Let me guess, one looks like he could play football, and the other looks like Jeffery Dalmer?” I asked.

“Yes, that’s them,” he said in a bit of shock. “So how did you get there?”

“I was at a party at the top of the hill and fell as I was coming down.”

“I see, so you don’t know about what you landed in?”

“Not a clue. What was it?” I asked

“It was something they dumped behind the bio-chem building. We’re still running tests to see what it was,” he said as he saw the look of concern cross my face. “Don’t worry, it wasn’t radio active.”

“Well that’s a relief, but you still don’t know what it was right?” Sarah spoke up.

“Not yet, but we’re trying to find out.”

He told us that I didn’t have any broken bones, but he did want to keep me there for observation for a while to make sure there were no adverse effects from the fall and the bath I’d taken in the chemicals. As he left, I started to get an itchy feeling in my chest and started to scratch. Sarah just sat there and held my free hand, with a smile of contentment on her face. The nurse came in a while later and told Sarah that visiting hours were over and that she’d have to leave.

“No she doesn’t. My wife is allowed to stay here as long as she wants,” I shot back at the nurse.

“Oh, I’m sorry Mr. Trepasso,” she blushed. “We didn’t know you were married.”

I held up Sarah’s hand and showed the nurse the diamond there and made a hand sign for her to shoo. My bride to be just smiled at me, knowing that all I really wanted to do at that point was spend time with her. She walked over and shut my door. After shutting off the main lights, she climbed into bed with me and we cuddled. It felt good to hold Sarah again, but two things were bothering the shit out of me. The first was that damn itch I had in my chest, and the other was the constant feeling of déja vu, that I couldn’t shake.

I woke up the next morning and climbed out of bed to go take care of my morning ritual. As I stood there in the bathroom, I caught sight of my reflection in the mirror. I still looked the same as I’d always looked except for the cuts and bruises, but, when I bent down to wash my hands, I caught a glimpse of my chest down the front of the hospital gown. My itchy chest looked swollen and actually felt warm to the touch. I went back to the bed and woke up Sarah.

“Hey hun, wake up. Something’s not right,” I told her, gently shaking her.

“Huh? What’s wrong Pat?”

“My chest. It’s swollen and warm,” I told her, as I pulled down the top of the gown.

“Wow, it is pretty red. Does it hurt?”

“A little. It itches more then anything.”

“My breasts itch when they're starting to grow,” she told me, as I plopped down in a chair. I just looked at her slack-jawed, as déja vu hit again.

Sarah has one of those rare conditions where her breasts never really stop growing like most women her age would experience. Every once and a while, usually a couple of times a year, she finds she has to buy new bras, because her old ones just don’t fit any more. Since I’ve known her, she’s gone from a 38D, to a 38 G. I always kid her that at the rate she’s going, she’ll be in custom ones by the time the wedding gets here, but all I could do was think of that damn dream I’d had that night in Niagra Falls.

The nurse came in to take my vital signs, and Sarah mentioned to her about my chest. She looked down my gown and mumbled about it looking red, then left. After a couple of minutes, she came back with the doctor, and he made everyone leave as he examined me.

“Any tenderness in your chest Pat?”

“I wouldn’t call it pain, or tenderness. It’s more of an itchy feeling. It started last night.”

“I see. Has your chest always been this swollen?”

“Uh, no, not really. I mean when I was playing sports, I’d get a bit of a pump on in the gym, but this looks and feels different then that did,” I told him, as I started to worry.

“We’re going to have to run some tests, but I think it might be a reaction to some of the pain medication. We’re going to need a blood sample to make sure.”

“Whatever it takes to find out what’s going on.” I told him. “I’ve never itched this bad. Even when I had poison oak as a kid.”

“Oh, I don’t think it’s anything that serious,” he said with a chuckle, “but I think we can find what’s wrong.”

For the next couple of days, all they did was take my blood and make me pee in a large container when I had to go. I couldn’t help but feeling like some sort of science experiment. I was constantly poked and prodded by the nursing staff and photographed by the doctors who came in to check on me. In the mean time, my chest still itched like hell. Every day, I swear I could watch my chest swelling bigger and bigger, almost like I was growing a pair of female breasts. It wasn’t until about a week after I’d woken up, when Sarah pointed out to me that my penis seemed smaller than it had been before. To borrow from Yogi Berra, it was déja vu, all over again. The only difference was, unlike my dream, I was awake and able to actually see myself change, instead of just having to look at the pictures the doctors were taking.

The following morning, the doctor in charge of my case came in with some disturbing news that almost made me sick to my stomach. He informed me that the blood tests came back with some interesting results. It seems that what ever I landed in behind the bio-chem lab was causing my chromosomes to mutate. In essence, the chemical was tricking my body into believing it was female. That is why my chest was itching and swelling, since breast growth is usually one of the first signs that a young girl is entering womanhood. I started to cry and just sat there in a chair as the doctor said something else, but I was to far lost in my own thoughts to make any sense of it. I felt Sarah sit on the arm of the chair and put her arm around me. It kind of felt good to have someone hold me as I just sat there and cried.

“It’s alright Pat, let it out. We’ll get through this,” she told me as she held me tight against her chest.

“Why is this happening?” I asked as I looked up at her with tears streaming down my face.

“I don’t know. But we’re in this together. I’m not going any...” she cut herself off and ran into the bathroom.

Then next sound I heard was her vomiting. I knew right there that yet another part of my dream was coming to fruition. She came out of the bathroom, and I could see that she wasn’t feeling all that well.

“Congratulations,” I told her. “We’re having a baby.”

She just looked at me in shock. It was as if she was thinking the same thing, but she hadn’t yet had a chance to get a test to confirm what she thought. I suggested she ask a nurse if she could get a test, and she left the room, while I sat there looking at the mirror on the back of my door. Some of my hair had started to grow back, but it didn’t look the same. In fact, it was taking on the reddish tint that I’d seen in my dream. This was all getting too weird for me, and I went to the bed and laid down.

I woke from my nap when I felt something touch me. Come to find out it was Sarah, climbing back into bed with me. I could see she’d been crying, and I held her tight.

“What’s wrong hun? I asked her as I kissed her forehead.

“How did you know?” she asked me, as she started to tear up again.

“Remember when we were in Niagra Falls, and I woke up that night in a daze?”

“Yeah, you mumbled something about not being a woman anymore,” she asked me with a puzzled look.

“I had a dream and for the most part it’s all coming true,” I started, “the party, the fall, the landing in something behind the bio-chem building, now the changing into a woman, and you being pregnant. It’s all from my dream.”

“This is crazy,” she said to me with a shocked look. “Things like this don’t happen, do they?”

“Apparently they do,” I said as I gently stroked her hair. “I guess it was the gods and goddesses way of giving me a heads up, so I wouldn’t fuck things up like I had in the dream.”

“Oh?” she asked starting to smile. “Do tell.”

“Well for starters I was unconscious for a lot longer in the dream than I was here. I didn’t wake up until after the change was over.” She nodded for me to continue. “Well, then I pushed you out of my life. I forced you to leave the hospital. It was stupid of me, but all I wanted was for you to live out your dream of being a mother. Then, we didn’t talk or see each other for about five years, but by then I’d already married someone else, and she died on me in an accident at the race track. You and I did get back together, but I felt empty for having missed the first five years of my kid’s life. That’s not going to happen. That is,” I paused and smiled at her, “if you’ll still allow me in your life.”

“You aren’t going anywhere.”

“Good,” I smiled back to her. “It’s not going to be easy, but I think together, we can get through this, and raise our child the best way that two people can.”

She nodded and hugged me as my cell phone went off. It was my dad. I picked up and asked him to please come down to the hospital, there was something I wanted him to hear from me, and not from a doctor or nurse.

“Oh, and Dad, can you bring mom? This effects her just as much as it does you.”

He and mom showed up a few hours later, having made the trip together from Syracuse. Mom’s new husband Doug was staying back, since he had work in the morning. I sat everyone down and held Sarah’s hand as we told them the good news first.

“Oh my god!” mom said, jumping up to hug Sarah.

“Congratulations,” dad told me as he shook my hand. “I’m proud of you son.”

“Uh, then you might want to sit down for the other news we have,” I told him.

Mom joined him after hugging me. I took a deep breath and tried to remember what I had rehearsed saying in my head before they got here.

“The doctors have found some issues with whatever I fell into behind the ‘U’.” I started and could see the worry growing on both their faces. “I’m not dying, so get that thought right out of your heads.” I could watch them both start to relax having heard that. “But, I am changing, that is to say my DNA is mutating. Whatever I landed in is telling my body that I’m a woman.”

All my parents did was sit there with looks of shock on their faces, but then again, who could blame them? I was a bit in shock myself, thinking that so far, everything in that dream I had come true. I watched them both and the looks on their faces as they both tried to wrap their brains around the fact that their ‘little boy’ was soon going to be known as their ‘little girl.’

Dad spoke up first, “Whatever you need, I’m here for you Pat.”

“That goes for me and Doug too honey,” mom told me as she reached out and held my hand.

“So you’re both alright with this?” I asked, looking back and forth between the two of them.

“It’s not like we have much of a choice. I mean it’s either that, or loose my kid from my life right?” dad asked me. “I’m just happy you’re still alive and as far as the doctors know, still healthy.”

“I couldn’t have said it any better myself Tony,” mom said as she took one of his hands in her free one.

We all sat there for a while just talking about the baby, and what Sarah and I had as far as plans for the future. When visiting hours finally ended, mom and dad left for the hotel rooms they rented near the hospital. Sarah went with them. She hadn’t left my side since she’d arrived at the hospital. It felt good to see my parents and the mother of my unborn child sharing such a tender moment together when they all walked out hand in hand, but at that moment I’d never felt so alone in my life. I struggled to get to sleep that night. I kept flashing back to parts of the dream.

When dawn broke through the windows, I got up and looked at myself in the mirror. That’s when I saw it. I could see that my face, although subtle, was indeed changing, becoming softer and more feminine looking than it had been. I went into the bathroom, took off my gown to shower, and saw that my breasts were already the size of a lemon. They were as red as ever, telling me that they weren’t done growing yet. I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh of a mix of frustration and pride, at the fact that I had bigger breasts than a couple of the girls I used to work with, one I graduated highschool with and the other was the wife of one of the team owners I’d worked for in Arizona.

I let my eyes trace their way down my body and saw that much of my beer gut appeared to be melting away as the days went by. 'Bonus' I thought to myself, since I’d been struggling with my weight lately. Like most athletes, I’d put on a few since I’d stopped playing college rugby. As I continued down the reflection in the mirror with my eyes, I could see that my penis, although never THAT big to begin with was all but nonexistent now. Then, I noticed my hands.

The hands that had served me well all these years as a mechanic and construction worker, were taking on a softer less ‘beat the shit out of’ look. My fingers looked a touch thinner, and the scars were vanishing. To compare it to the dream I’d had, this was a bit more bazar. It’s one thing to wake up and find the changes that had already taken place, it’s a whole new ball game to actually watch them happen. I just shook my head and stepped into the shower.

The warm water felt good on my skin. I didn’t realize it at the time, but it had been over a week since I’d last done this. It felt good to get all those layers of dead skin off my body. I got out and made sure I got everything as dry as I could, since I didn’t have any underwear that fit me anymore. That’s when the idea struck me. Mom, dad, and Sarah were in the only hotel in town, and that was near a Wally-World. So I wrapped the towel around myself and grabbed my cell to call them. Sarah told me it wouldn’t be a problem, she would just buy a few different sizes for me. They got arrived just after lunch, each of them carrying a couple of bags in each hand.

“What the hell?” I asked in a bit of confusion. “All I wanted was a pair of shorts or sweat pants and a t-shirt or two. What’s all this?”

“Oh, we picked up a few things we figured you’d need,” Sarah told me as she gave mom a wink. Dad for his part just shrugged, and I could see him start to blush a bit.

“What did you guys do?” I asked

“Here, go try these on” Mom told me handing me one of the bags.

I took it into the bathroom and to my relief saw a t-shirt. It wasn’t until I tried it on that I realized it was a graphic tee with the slogan, ‘I see you’ve met the twins,’ printed right about nipple high. I shook my head and pulled out the shorts I found, again shaking my head to the fact that these were purple. It wasn’t until I went to try them on that I saw the ass had the word, ‘Juicy,’ printed across it.

“You guys are all ASSHOLES!” I shouted through the closed bathroom door. Which was met with two female voices giggling, followed by a knock on the door.

“I tried to stop them Pat, really I did, but you know your mother.” dad told me.

“Yeah, always cracking jokes.”

“Here, open the door, I got you some stuff you might actually wear.” he told me.

I opened the door and was met by an arm thrust through it holding another bag of clothes. I started pulling out the contents and saw that these weren’t too bad. I switched out the shirt I had on for the Mark Martin shirt dad bought me. The shorts were much better also, just a simple green pair of soccer shorts. Dad always knew my style, and for this I owed him big time. As I searched for something to put on under the shorts all I found was panties.

“Uh, you guys forgot to get me underwear,” I called from the bathroom.

“No we didn’t,” Sarah told me. “There are like three packs in there, just pick the right size and we’ll take the rest back.”

I searched through the bags and saw the only things in there were women’s panties. Then I saw the words I dreaded the most. “Is this a fucking joke? You bought me fucking THONGS?” I shouted.

“I swear I tried to talk them out of it,” dad shot back again.

“Oh come on they aren’t that bad,” Sarah piped in. “You don’t even notice it after a minute or so.”

“BULLSHIT!” I shouted back. “You spend all day in a hot mill picking your underwear out of the crack of your ass from the high humidity and tell me that it’s comfortable.”

“Don’t be a wussie and just try them on,” came Sarah's reply with a giggle.

I relented and did as I was told. I knew that wearing soccer shorts without some sort of cotton between your privates and the nylon of the shorts would only lead to trouble. To my shock and disgust, they didn’t feel all that bad. To make things better, I had guessed right on the size, so I didn’t have to open the other packs.

I made my way back into my room and saw mom and Sarah giggling as I tied the string around my waist. I just shook my head and whipped an unopened pack of thongs at each of them. Then, I gave dad a hug.

“Thanks dad, I knew I could count on you,” I told him so only he and I could hear. “You two, I ask for some help, and you buy me fucking shorts with the word ‘juicy’ across the ass? Were you both dropped on your heads while eating lead paint chips as children?”

“Oh settle down, we were just messing with you.”

“Now is not the time to be fucking around. I’m dealing with some heavy shit, and I don’t need any more stress from two of the three people in my life I figured I could count on,” I shot back at them.

“We’re sorry, we didn’t think you’d get so mad,” Sarah told me as she stood up and put her arm around my shoulder.

“Look, let’s get one thing straight. I know I’m changing into a woman, but everyone needs to understand that I’ve been a man my whole life. I didn’t ask for this to happen. I’m not saying that it’s going to be so bad. I mean both of you are successful,” I said to Sarah and mom. “But, for the past 30 years, all I’d known was being a guy, and guys don’t wear shorts that say ‘juicy’ on the ass.”

They both hugged me and apologized for trying to be the comic relief. It was during that tender moment that the doctor came in and asked if I was ready to go home.

“You mean so soon? Am I done changing?” I asked her.

“Well not completely, but in another month or so, no one would ever guess you were born a male.”

“Then, what am I going to do?”

“I spoke with my sister who works for one of the hospitals in Syracuse. I figured that would be a bit closer to home for you, so your family could come visit you after work and not have to run up that much of a gas bill driving all the way here to see you. They have a room for you on the rehabilitation floor. Also, they have you set up with one of the psychologists locally so you can have someone to talk to about what you’re feeling. She can help you with the new identification you’re going to need, since all your current ones say male on them.”

Mom told me later that you could watch all the color drain from my face before I passed out. This was the one part of the dream I hadn’t come to yet. Dad left for home to make sure he could get some clean sheets on my bed, so it was just mom and Sarah when I came around.

“How are you feeling?” mom asked me, as Sarah went to get me a cup of water.

“I’ll be alright. It was just a shock to hear the doctor talk about changing my ID’s.”

“Any thoughts on names?” mom asked me.

“Yeah, I have one, but it’s a surprise.”

“Ok, I think Sarah went to get you some water and tell the doctor you’re awake.”

Sure enough, Sarah came back with the doctor and the charge nurse in tow. They had me sign the papers for my release and, just as I was finishing, I looked up and saw Captain Brown.

“Before you even start. NO, it wasn’t hazing. NO, I wasn’t beat up. And NO, my brothers didn’t do this to me.” I told him, then watched him raise his eye brows as if I’d already answered all his questions without him even asking.

“Alright, fair enough. Then can you tell me how you got behind the bio-chem building?”

“I tripped.”

“From where?”

“Who have you already talked to Cap?” I asked him.

“I know about the party if that’s what you’re asking Pat.”

“Ok. Then where do we go next?”

“Well, I need you to give me a statement telling me exactly what you were doing. Then I go to the DA and the school and let them decide what to do.”

“You have more pull then that Cap. You know it, and I know it,” I told him straight faced. “I’ve never lied to you.”

“True, you haven’t to my knowledge.”

“Let me guess, the school is going to wait until the DA makes up his mind on whether or not to press charges for the party, before they make up their minds on what to do with the guys, right?”

“From what I hear, yes.”

“There aren’t any signs posting that the nature trail we were on closes at dark. And there aren’t any signs that post where the nature trail ends and where private property begins. So I can see where there might be a problem” I told him with a slight grin.

“I think I know how this goes,” he told me with a smile. “I want your statement, and your brothers are off the hook?”

“Basically that and nothing I put in that statement can be used against the house by the DA nor the school.”

He picked up his cell phone and made a call. It wasn’t a long conversation, and I didn’t ask him who he was calling, but after he ended that call, he made another one. This one was a bit longer, and I heard him use the name of the president of the college, so I can only guess that the first one was to the District Attorney.

“Done. So what were you doing up there,” he told me.

“We were just hanging out. Cracking jokes. Nothing big.”

“Was there any alcohol involved?”

“Ah, you see that’s where that whole not being able to use it against us comes into play.”

“Right.” he said with a sigh. “Alright, can you just write down what happened?” he asked me, handing me a pad of paper.

I nodded and put started the statement with the part about the DA and the school not being able to use this information to prosecute any member of the house. Then I wrote down what happened, the gathering of friends, as I called it, the idea to go for food, then the fall and rescue by my brothers. After I finished, I had Captain Brown sign it after I did. Then, I asked the nurse to make me a couple of copies of it for my records. I bid fair well to Captain Brown, collected my things and was off for home.

I made Sarah swing by Opiee’s before we hit the road though. I needed to see my big and thank him for saving my life. We got to his house, and it was a touching moment as he gave me a brotherly hug and a line about worrying that I was dead. I gave him a copy of the statement I’d made and told him everything was going to be alright, just don’t have any hill parties for a while. I told him to call me when they had a date for Alumni weekend and headed for home with my wife to be, thinking to my self, “Whoever is writing my life story really needs to get laid.”

To be continued.

“Yes ma’am,” he shot back with a quiver in his voice. “I mean sir, I mean.” “You mean you were just leaving,” I told him as I pointed to the door. Becoming Antonia Part 18. By; She who loves telling lawyer jokes, & Zomba.

---

 

It was pretty much like I expected it to be, when Sarah and I arrived at the hospital in Syracuse. Have I mentioned that I hate perky people? Not really the people, as much as the attitude that no matter what you’ve got wrong with you, you’re going to be fine. Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate the ones who try to make things easier. It’s just the ones who remind you of a highschool cheerleader on crack that piss me off.

Take for example Tracy. She was my nurse when I first checked in. She went over everything and answered every question Sarah and I threw at her. She wasn’t too bad, except she kept wanting to call me Mr. Trepasso. I had to keep reminding her that Mr. Trepasso is my father and to call me Pat. She finally picked it up around the end of her shift. That was when I got to meet Ellen.

Picture a short Barbie doll with black hair, and you’ll get Ellen. I won’t argue to the fact that she was pretty, but if I hear the word ‘super’ ever again, I’m going to shoot who said it. OH MY GOD! How can one person be so fucking perky? I want to sell whatever she’s on. I guarantee, if I can bottle the shit, I’ll make a million overnight. When she got on shift, she first took my vital signs, like they all have, but she did it with a smile on her face, like she actually enjoyed taking my blood pressure. Then, when she asked me how I was feeling, and I told her of the itch in my chest and the slight dull pain in my groin, she looked at my chart and told me, “We’ll have you super in no time.”

It took every ounce of will power for me not to go off on her right there. Ok, perhaps I’m being a bit too hard on the girl. I mean, all she wanted to do was help me feel better, but COME ON! I’ll bet I could have told her I was having chest pains right then and she would have said it was super too. But I digress.

Sarah went home for the first time in a couple of weeks, and she needed it too. I could tell that just sitting around all day in the hospital was taking it’s toll on her. It’s one thing when you’re the patient, but, when you’re visiting the patient, and are still there all day, everyday, it can start to wear on you. So it was good to see her finally get a chance to go home and sleep in her own bed, rather than have to share a cramped, hard hospital bed with me, but it did make my getting to sleep a bit harder that night.

I awoke the following morning when Tracy came in and had me sit up so she could take a blood draw. I’ve never been so happy to see that cherubic face of her’s in my life. I knew Tracy from high school, and it was good to have someone who I at least knew, taking care of me.

Tracy is an average height woman who, if you asked anyone to describe her, they’d probably tell you she’s a cute red head. That fits. I mean it’s not that she’s a raving beauty, but then again neither am I. It’s that her face really doesn’t fit the mold of what most people would call beautiful. Cute, yes. In fact I remember our senior year, she got voted cutest girl, in our senior polls. What made it a bit more bearable, was that she already knew me, and had an idea that Ellen would wear on me. We both had a good laugh over that, but after meeting my physical therapist, I’d have been glad to be locked in a room with Ellen over Brenda any day.

The only reason they sent me to PT, as they call it in the hospital, was to try to help me adjust my mannerisms. Having had thirty years of male to work with, those weren't easy to change. The doctors and my psychologist thought it would be best if I learned to walk and speak more like a lady. Like that’s ever fucking going to happen. Oh, I didn’t tell you about my shrink, Doctor Smith? We’ll get to her in a moment.

Brenda, my PT, acted like she was a drill instructor in the marines. I mean come on, I’m here to learn how to not look and act like a man anymore, and here she is screaming at me when I do something wrong. Like my grandmother always told me, you catch more flies with honey then you do with a hammer. Ok, so grandma was a bit touched in the head before she passed, but Brenda, I swear she went to school at the Adolph Hitler School of Compassion. And she looked like you’d expect a drill instructor to look like too. Short dark hair, cut in a bob, and her face looked like she’d played football her whole life without a helmet. And, once you got away from the face, you didn’t want to fuck with this woman. She was built like a tank. Granted, she had a bit of a pooch on her, but her arm’s looked bigger then mine used to, so I didn’t purposely step out of line. The ironic part to the whole thing was that this woman was going to teach me how to be a lady, when she’s more butch then I ever was.

Any way, Doctor Smith, or Helen as she told me to call her. Nice lady, a bit older woman, who kind of reminded me of Sally Kellerman. You know, she’s the one who played ‘Hotlips’ in MASH the movie. She also was the English teacher in ‘Back to School’ with Rodney Dangerfield. Helen had that voice that could melt butter. After a minute of speaking with her, I couldn’t help but feel at ease and free to open up. We would talk for hours about my past, and my view on women in general. What I found shocked me a bit.

I didn’t realize it, but growing up with my parents, I’d picked up that women run things. At least, that was the general view of the world I had. Don’t get me wrong, dad had a major say in what went on around our house, but mom was the one who really ran the show. She was the one who got me up for school and made sure I did my homework. She was the one who did the bills and most of the cooking. Dad did the laundry, some of the cooking and the dishes, but mom did A LOT more. That led me to feel that women are in charge of the family. Which isn’t a bad thing, considering that many men out there feel intimidated when a woman shows strength and free will. It usually leads to violence in the home, and that just messes up the kids. So, I guess my view that women should be in charge, is a good thing. Right?

It wasn’t until Helen started digging into how I was feeling about this change that I started to get emotional. It was really the first time I had to think about it and face my feelings. It didn’t end well. Tracy told me when I woke up in my room, strapped to my bed, that they had to sedate me when I flipped the table over and threw a chair out the window. All I remembered was rage. It was the most intense thing I’d ever felt.

I’ve been mad before, but this was a hatred. I was mad at the people who dumped that shit I fell in. I was mad at Tugger for ‘cup checking’ me when I’d just lost my footing. But most of all I was mad at myself for not listening to that inner voice that was screaming at me to not go to Hell Night.

I told Helen this at our next session, and I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. It felt good to be able to open up and talk about how I was feeling for once. I’m usually the one everyone of my friends and many of my family come to when they are having problems, but this was my chance to open up and share my feelings with someone else. For her part, she listened to me rant and express myself without looking down on me. I’ve always kind of been scared that, if I ever did this, people would look at me as weak and a pussy, but ,truth be told, it felt good.

Come to find out, I was carrying around a lot of baggage too. I’d never really talked to anyone about when I got academically dismissed from college after my first semester, or how I felt when I caught the girl I’d been dating back then banging another guy. I’d never told anyone that I’d spent the next month in a bottle, trying to drink her off my mind, or that I did in fact think of ending it all then. I just pushed those thoughts down into the bowels of my mind and let them just sit there festering, while I went back to Alfred and got my degree.

For the first time since I’d first left for college, I felt free. Free from all the memories that had haunted me. Free from the thoughts that I carried around and just allowed to stress me out. I felt free and happy. Even my time with Brenda seemed better. I even got her to laugh when I started cracking jokes one day. Of course, she told me if I ever told anyone that, she’d hunt me down and kill me, but I hope she was kidding. I was looking, sounding, and feeling more like a woman with every passing day. But it wasn’t until a man in a suit came to see me that it hit home at just how much I’d changed.

“Excuse me miss, I’m looking for Patrick,” he told me as I sat there in my room, just finishing dinner.

“Who are you?”

“I’m James Kenfield. Is Patrick around?”

“My grand mother is the only one who calls me Patrick,” I told him, as I started to get angry.

“Are you the young man who had the accident down in Alfred?” he asked as he opened the file folder he had with him.

“What’s it to you?” I shot back trying to read his face, wondering why he was here.

“Well I represent the university, and if you’ll sign these release forms,” he told me as he stuffed the papers onto my tray. “I’ll be out of your hair.”

“I ain’t signing shit buddy,” I spat back at him. “You want to talk any more to me, you can take it up with my lawyer.”

“We weren’t aware you had representation.”

“I do, and like I said, you talk to him now. And if I hear you spoke to any member of my family, I’ll make sure you’re disbarred. You got me, lawyer boy?”

“Yes ma’am,” he shot back with a quiver in his voice. “I mean sir, I mean.”

“You mean you were just leaving,” I told him as I pointed to the door. “Oh, and leave the papers, I’ll give them to my team.”

He left me the papers and apologized as he left my room. Come to find out, he was just a kid, serving an internship with a law firm down state, and this was his first case. I called dad and told him what happened and I told him to bring Sal with him tomorrow. When I hung up, I started to read the papers and was shocked at the gross show of apathy the college was showing me.

If I had signed the release, the college would have picked up my hospital bills in Alfred, and they would have paid to replace my clothes. However, I’d have to give up the right to seek any reparations, for pain, suffering, or for any bills accrued for any additional stays in the hospital due to the accident. BULL SHIT! They’re the cock suckers who dumped the shit illegally. All I did was fall into it. “Oh, it’s on now, mother fuckers,” I said to myself.

I didn’t sleep a wink that night I was so mad at what they were trying to do to me. I met with Helen in the morning for our session and showed her what the university was trying to pull. She was appalled at everything. She even gave me the name and number of the lawyer she was using to get my identification changed to female.

“Terry is a good guy. He really fights for his clients and is used to all the bullshit big corporations try to pull to screw the little guy,” she said handing me the card, and I saw it was the same firm my dad uses.

“Well, my dad’s bringing Terry’s partner with him today. So, I’ll see what he says, and we’ll go from there.”

“Ok, just keep Terry’s card and call him if you have any questions.”

I thanked Helen and went back to my room. Dad and Sal were already there, and I got right to it, showing Sal the papers the kid had left yesterday. It took me about an hour to tell Sal everything that went on. When I was done, he only asked me one question.

“Are you happy with changing into a woman?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Are you happy being a woman now?” he asked again.

“I’m not sure yet.”

“Fair enough, but do you want to have children?”

“Um, I already am. My fiancé is carrying our first child.”

“Ok, so how do you plan to get married?”

“I don’t follow you.”

“New York doesn’t recognize same sex marriage. So, how do you plan to do it?”

“Well I mean...” I was stumped I didn’t know what to do.

“If you’re going to get married, the options are becoming a resident of Massachusetts, which has recognized same-sex marriage since 2004. Connecticut, Vermont, New Jersey, California, and New Hampshire have created legal unions that, while not called marriages, are explicitly defined as offering all the rights and responsibilities of marriage under state law to same-sex couples. Maine, Hawaii, the District of Columbia, Oregon and Washington have created legal unions for same-sex couples that offer varying subsets of the rights and responsibilities of marriage under the laws of those jurisdictions. Either that, or move to Canada. That’s it, on this continent that is,” Sal told me. “Now, whatever you landed in, has caused your plans for marriage to change, and the university should be held accountable. Here’s what we’ll do.”

He went on to explain that he was going to file a suit on my behalf for $26 million dollars. He got that number for the hospital bills, pain and suffering, mental stress, and the rest for punitive damages. He told me that would include not being able to father another child with my fiancé, soon to be wife, having to move so we could be together and for loss of wages from being in the hospital. I thanked Sal, but didn’t get my hopes up that anything would come of the suit. I just readied myself for another afternoon of hell with Brenda.

It wasn’t that bad. I mean here we were about a month into PT, and I could feel my hips giving a slight sway as I walked. I was speaking in everyday conversations more lady-like, and was laughing less when I passed gas. The only part I hated was learning to walk in heels. OH MY GOD! What sadomasochistic asshole came up with the idea to make a woman walk on her toes with only a narrow spike to hold her heel up. This has to be the worst idea in history. I didn’t even like the looks of them on women when I was a man, let alone want to actually wear a pair as a woman. I think it’s time we take down the fashion industry, and give them all the bird telling them ‘NO MORE!’ Besides, at 5'10" it’s not like I can pull off a pair of four inch spikes like someone 5'5" can.

I’m just lucky I didn’t turn my ankle. That would have just made my hospital stat that much longer. The doctors came in later that afternoon and told me I could go home if I wanted. My body was done changing, and they couldn’t think of any reason to keep me here as an inpatient. I could do the same things as an outpatient.

I called Sarah and had her pick me up. She got there, and, since she’d been busy with her mom who had been visiting from Philly, she hadn’t really had a chance to see me. We’d talked every night on the phone, but it had been about two weeks since she’s seen me, and that wasn’t for that long. So, it came as a shock to her when she walked into my room to see me dressed in the t-shirt she bought me with ‘I see you’ve met the twins,’ stretched over the pair of D cups I was now sporting on my chest. Once I was able to get her to close her mouth and come back to earth, she took me home and introduced her mom to her fiancé. That is to say, her mom got to see the new me.

THERE’S SOME GOOD NEWS...”

To Be Continued.

Have you ever seen the look in the eyes of a deer, just before you slam into it with your car? It’s a look of complete confusion and shock, as if to say ‘Oh my god, what is that coming at me?’ That was the look I got when I went to Sarah’s house to see her mom. Becoming Antonia Part 19. By; Me, & Zomba.

---

 

Let me start by saying that her mom and I have never really gotten along all that well. She controls every aspect of her family’s life, and I refused to let her do that with mine. I have my own family to worry about. I don’t need someone who’s never met either of my parents telling me what I can and can’t do with my life. She really hated when I was working in NASCAR. Sarah would make trips down to see me during the week, and whenever we had a rare off weekend. It just tweaked her mom to no end that Sarah wouldn’t be under her thumb when she was with me. I could almost hear her cheer when I left the cup when dad had his stroke.

Sarah, for her part, just tries to play peacemaker between her mom and me. It’s not that I try to piss her mom off, it’s just that I refuse to let her dictate to me what happens.

Take for instance, the time last year when I was coming home for Watkins Glen Weekend. I had set it up with my team owner to have Sarah and my dad put on the sponsor pass list, so they could get into the garage. Her mom FREAKED! At the last minute, she made the decision to come back to Syracuse and throw a cookout at the family’s summer camp. Well, as you can guess, Sarah told her that she had plans. Her mom called my cell phone, and I honestly think that, if that woman had the technology to do so, she would have reached through the phone and choked me. She called me every name in the book for tying up her daughter’s time for that weekend. It’s not like I could move the weekend of the race. So, I calmly suggested she change her cookout to the following weekend. You’d have thought I asked her to hold the cookout on the moon by the way she reacted.

“I’m not changing my plans to suit the schedule of a lazy good for nothing piece of shit like you!” Mind you that is a direct quote. Those words have stuck with me to this day, and it hurts. It hurts to think that nothing I do will be good enough for his woman.

What more could I do? I was already working 100 hours a week between the shop and the track. A guy’s gotta sleep, doesn’t he? As for being good for nothing, I had used the money I saved from my pay working for the cup teams to buy the ring for Sarah. Not to mention that I was only one pay check short of having the down payment on a three acre plot of land I’d had my eye on, so I could build a house for Sarah and me. Again, I digress. The woman just hated something about me.
You know what? I wasn’t her biggest fan either, but I was always as nice as I could be, so I didn’t upset Sarah. That was the only thing that mattered to me, Sarah’s happiness.

On the short ride from the hospital to Sarah’s house, I asked if her mom knew yet about the baby. Sarah almost swerved into oncoming traffic from the shock of realizing that sooner or later she’d have to tell her mom.

“How about we hit her with it today? I mean she’ll already be in shock of seeing me like this for the first time, so maybe she won’t react that adversely,” I suggested.

“Um, how about we just play it by ear. Let’s see how mom reacts to the new you before we go any farther.”

Once we pulled up to the house, the butterflies in my stomach started playing football. It was a good thing I hadn’t eaten lunch, or I probably would have lost it all right then. All I could do was follow Sarah into the house and take a deep breath as I was reintroduced to her family.

It was like watching one of those old movies when a biker walks into a social function at a country club. Everyone went silent, and you could have heard a pin drop. In fact, you could clearly hear the glass her sister Mandy dropped in the kitchen shatter on the floor and counted the pieces. The first one to do or say anything was Mara. She’s the youngest and once told me that she always looked at me like the brother she never had.

“Oh my god, PAT! How are you feeling?” she asked as she ran over and hugged me.

“I’m doing better. Thanks Mar,” I told her and then just gave a wave to their mom.

“Uh, am I missing something?” was Gail’s (Sarah’s mom) only reply.

“Mom, remember, we talked about this. Pat had an accident in Alfred. He fell into a pool of toxic waste and changed into a woman,” Sarah reminded her like someone would do with a small child, which immediately pissed Gail off.

“Don’t you talk to me like that young lady!”

“Uh, mom, you’re acting like this is the first time you’ve heard this. We talked about it at breakfast,” Sarah bantered back.

“I know what we talked about, but that isn’t Pat,” she said as she just glared at me. “Pat is a fat, lazy good for nothing slob that doesn’t deserve you.”

“Ah, so the truth comes out finally,” I interjected. “What’s your issue? Is it that I’m Italian? Or, is it the fact that I actually allow your daughter to have a mind of her own when she’s with me? Is that it, you control freak? You don’t like that I allow Sarah to think for herself and I actually listen to what she thinks and has to say?”

Gail just looked at me with fire in her eyes. I don’t think anyone’s ever challenged her like that before, but, at this point, I’d been through too much in my life to sit there and allow this woman to just manipulate and control the situation. I could see out of the corner of my eye that both Mandy and Mara had their mouths hanging open in shock. I figured now was as good a time as any, so I blasted Gail again.

“And another thing. Sarah’s carrying my child. So, congratulations, you’re going to be a grandmother. How do you like those apples?”

Her mom simply flopped down in a chair and looked at the both of us in shock. I’m still not sure if it was from what I’d said to her about being a control freak, or about Sarah being pregnant, but mission accomplished. She shut the fuck up.

She sat there for about an hour, while the rest of us caught up on what had been going on. I told Mara and Mandy about the accident and my hospital stay. Then about what my lawyer had told me about same sex marriage. This was when Gail piped up again.

“Canada would be good. They have free health care up there.” she said in a clam clear voice.

“Yes they do, but I’d like to research the school systems of each place and find which one would be the best to raise a child in,” I said, as I held Sarah’s hand.

“That’s a very important thing to consider also,” Gail said nodding. “An education is so important today.”

“It’s just a shame we have to move to be together. If I had it my way, I’d stay in Syracuse; however, New York State doesn’t recognize same sex marriage.”

“It is a shame. Too bad no one has the gumption to do anything about it.”

“Some day. Perhaps when we get the first female president we’ll see it happen,” I mentioned in hopes to continue to keep the happy Gail around. I knew she was all for women in office.

I think I finally reached her. After all the time I’d known this woman, she was actually speaking with me, instead of at me. It kind of felt good to just sit and have a normal conversation for once. Sarah and I finally left after a few hours, and I had gotten a nice chance to talk with Gail while Sarah, Mandy and Mara went up to Sarah’s room to help her pack a small suit case, so she could stay with me. We both came to the agreement that we both wanted Sarah to be happy, whatever that took we’d work with each other to make it happen. We even hugged as Sarah and I left for my dad’s house.

It felt good to get home and back into my own bed. What made me even happier, was that dad didn’t try to be funny and put pink sheets on my bed. He just washed my blue ones and put fresh cases on the pillows. After a pizza from one of the local joints, we all turned in, and Sarah and I cuddled in a bed that was actually meant to have two people in it.

To be continued...

Realizations about what is important in life, can lead to new friends. Becoming Antonia Part 20. By; Toni, with help from Bob Arnold

---

 

The sun was streaming through my window, just as my alarm went of the next morning. Sarah was smacking at the clock to make it “shut up,” and I couldn’t help but laugh as I watched her struggle to stay asleep. Actually I’m lying, it wasn’t a laugh, it was a giggle. I just fucking giggled at my girlfriend. Once I realized this, it shook me to my core and my inner monolog started conversing on it’s own.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?”

“What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong! I just fucking giggled! That’s what’s wrong!”

“Calm down.”

“Fuck you! Don’t tell me to calm down! I’d say I’ve been too calm for too long as it is!”

“Alright, go ahead a freak out. But I ask you, then what?”

“What do you mean?”

“After you flip out, what happens next?”

“I don’t know.”

“Will freaking out change us back into a man?”

“Uh, I doubt it.”

“Alright, then what will freaking out do?”

“You mean besides worry Sarah?”

“BINGO! All flipping out and ranting is going to do is cause the mother of our child to get stressed. And I can’t let us do that.”

“I know, it’s not healthy for the baby. But I still don’t know what to do.”

“Alright, what’s wrong?”

“Have you been here for the past few weeks?”

“Don’t be a smart-ass.”

“I’m serious. It’s like you haven’t seen the changes we’ve been going through.”

“I’ve noticed them. But we’re still healthy. Actually, we’re healthier than we were before.”

“And?”

“And that means we’ll be able to watch our child grow up, and who knows, we might even get to see grand-kids some day.”

“But what about mental health?”

“What about it?”

“I feel like every day that goes by, a little bit more of me, that is to say the old me, slips away.”

“Nope. I’m still here, and I’m not going anywhere. I was just giving the new crew a chance to run things for a while.”

“So you aren’t going to bail, and leave us in the lurch?”

“No at all. But I don’t see the need to complicate things by trying to dictate how things should be.”

“How should things be?”

“Well, lets break down that dream that started this whole thing. In the dream, we bailed on Sarah. Rule 1, don’t do that.”

“Right.”

“In that dream, we saw that our dad could die in a few years. Don’t let anyone drive a wedge between the two of us.”

“Not a chance. We’re not letting the old man go anywhere.”

“Good. Moving on, we had a chance to get back into racing.”

“Yeah, with unexpected results.”

“True, but we were doing what we’ve always loved to do. Where is working at the aluminum plant going to lead us?”

“Well, judging from the people who’ve been there a while, I’d say it could lead us to a nice quiet life to be able to raise our kids in.”

“Fair enough. But what about travel? We used to love being on the road.”

“We have more important things to worry about than being on the road.”

“Such as?”

“Sarah and the baby! What the fuck kind of question is that? Priorities are as follows. Family comes FIRST! Everything else is a distant second.”

“Good, so we’re still on the same page with that. But, what about the aluminum plant?”

“What about it?”

“You mean other than it sucks the life out of us every time we go through the gate?”

“Alright, but what do we do about it?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well if we’re so damn unhappy there, why don’t we do something about it?”

“Well, that is if we even have a job to go back to.”

“Right, oh shit. What time is it?”

“9:30, OH SHIT! We have to go to Physical Therapy today!”

“Sarah, come on hun, wake up.” I said to her, as I gently, then not so gently shook my love.

“Huh? What’s wrong?” she asked rolling over and wiping the sleep from her eyes.

“We have to get going, I have PT in an hour.”

“CRAP!” she said as she did the five minute dash to get ready do we wouldn’t be late.

As it turns out, we were right on time for my daily ass-kicking by Brenda. That’s what I call it anyway. After working with her for a couple of hours, I feel like I used to after a rugby match, or a hockey game. My body is sore, and my brain actually hurts a bit from all the thinking she makes me do to remember how to act like a “proper lady.” Today was no different. She finally called an end to my session, and told me that tomorrow we’d be going to the mall.

“Why?”

“Because, I want to see how you act in public.” she told me with that cold evil grin that has always sent a chill through my entire body.

By the time I arrived at session with Helen, she could tell I was a bit shaken. She didn’t really press me about it at first, but as the session wore on, she finally questioned me about it.

“Did something happen Pat?”

“Huh? What?” I asked as I had been lost in my own thoughts again.

“That’s was I was getting at?”

“I’m sorry can you repeat the question? I wasn’t paying attention.”

“I know.” she said with a slight grin. “I asked you if something happened.”

“Yeah, I had a half hour talk with myself this morning about losing the old me, as more of the new me comes out.”

“Do you really think they are different?” she asked, looking me in the eyes.

“I don’t follow you.”

“Do you really feel any different than you did say, last year?”

“Well, not really, but I guess I’m going to be.”

“Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why do you think you have to be different than you were Toni?”

“Well people don’t look at women the same as they do men.” then it hit me. “What did you just call me?”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I jumped the gun on that. Terry called me this morning and said your new papers are ready. I was just using the name he told me you changed yours to.”

I just sat there in shock. It’s finally happening. I’m now officially a woman. Thirty years of being a guy, and in one month’s time, I’ve gone from being a man with a plan, to a woman, with no clue what comes next. The feeling of being lost overcame me, and I started to ball my eyes out.

Sarah and I finally made it to Terry’s office and it didn’t take long for me to officially become Antonia Charlene Trepasso. The realization hit me like a Mack truck and I broke down right there in Terry’s office. I’m not really sure how long I sat there crying, but when I was finally able to compose myself, Sal was sitting there having a conversation with Terry and Sarah.

“Ah, good, you’re back with us.” he told me with a grin. “I was about ready to call an ambulance.”

“It’s been an emotional day, sorry Sal.”

“It’s alright Toni.” he said with a chuckle. “You know, it’s surprising you’re taking all this so well.”

“How’s that?”

“Well, I don’t know if I could handle everything you’ve been going through, quite as well.”

“It’s a struggle most days Sal.” I told him with a smirk. “Trust me, it ain’t easy.”

“Fair enough.” he told me with a nod. “The reason I came in, was to tell you that the University has offered a counter offer to our suit.”

“Let me guess, half, right?” I asked with a sigh.

“How did you know?”

“Lucky guess.”

“Well, $13 million dollars is quite a bit of money.”

“Yes it is, and I plan to use it to make sure my kids get the best education, they can.” I told him as I smiled at my bride to be.

“So I should tell them you accept?”

“Tell them I accept, on one condition.”

“What’s that?”

“They keep my identity out of the press.”

“Actually that was one of the stipulations they were asking for.”

“Then they have a deal.”

Sal told me he’d call to have me sign the papers in a couple of days. Sarah and I left so I could go to the DMV to get my new licence, and the titles to my vehicles changed over. Once that was done, we headed home, where she and dad sat down to watch some of those real life police shows. I’m not really into those, so I grabbed the helmet I bought for Sarah to use if she ever wanted to ride with me on my motorcycle, and headed out for a ride. I really needed to clear my head, and just think for a while.

I ended up just south of Syracuse, near where her grandparent’s had their summer camp, when I ran out of gas. I started kicking myself for not checking the tank before I left. With nothing to do but walk, that’s what I did. I put my padlock on my brake rotor so no one could take off with my bike, and just headed down the road a ways. I found myself turning onto a dirt road and thinking about everything that was happening.

Was it really something I could deal with? Could I really go on, knowing that the entire world was going to look at me differently? I’d gone from a burly guy with a big heart, who could get himself out of trouble with a single look most of the time, to a girl who was struggling to keep her sanity. I was scared, and alone. I mean, I still had Sarah, and my parents, but they couldn’t really understand what I was going through. Hell, no one could. I doubt this has ever happened before. Who’s ever heard of a man suddenly changing into a woman?

I was walking along a small brook, lost in my own thoughts, when I came upon what looked like a large log cabin. Well, make that more like a huge log mansion. Maybe they would have a phone, and I could use it to call my dad and Sarah, to come get me and the bike. So I went to the back door and knocked. After a couple of seconds an older woman came to the door and gave me the strangest look.

“May I help you miss?” she asked me in a distinct British accent.

“Um yes ma’am, my motorcycle ran out of gas, and I was wondering if I could have you call my girlfriend to come get me?” I asked her.

“Come on in dear.” She told me, opening the door. “You look drawn out. Have you been walking long?”

“I’m not sure ma’am.” I told her kind of ashamed that I didn’t know how far I’d walked.

“What do you mean you don’t know? Surely you know where your motorbike is.”

“I know where it is, but I was kind of lost in my thoughts as I was walking, and I don’t know where I am.” I told her sheepishly.

Just then a beautiful woman came around the corner, looking over a stack of papers he was carrying. If I had to guess I’d say she had to be a model since she had the figure of a goddess. But then again, what did I know.

“Who was at the door Gertie?” she asked then looked up and saw me standing there holding my motorcycle helmet. “Oh, hi, I’m Jen.” she told me with a smile as she held out her hand to me.

“Uh, hi, I’m Toni.” I said blushing as I shook her hand.

“Miss Stevens, this poor dear ran out of gas with her motorbike.” the British lady, who I could now assume was Gertie, told her. “Can she use the phone to call her friend to pick her up?”

“Sure. Follow me.” she said as she lead me to the spacious living room and handed me the phone.

“Thank you ma’am.” I told her as I took the phone and started to dial. “I can pay you for the call.”

“Nonsense.” she told me with a warm smile that actually put me at ease. “ I’ll always help a person in need. And please, call me Jen.”

“Thank you ma... I mean Jen.” which caused her to giggle a bit. It was at this time that my dad answered the phone. “Hey dad, let me talk to Sarah.” I told him and heard him hand the phone over. “Hey hun, uh, you probably aren’t going to believe this, but I ran out of gas.”

“Where are you?” she asked in shock.

“Well I ran out of gas near your grandparent’s camp, but I’m not there.”

“Where are you?”

“I’m not sure. I took a walk to clear my head, and stumbled upon a house, and the lady here was kind enough to let me use her phone.”

“Well ask her where you are.” she told me and I could just picture her shaking her head.

“Uh, Jen? Where am I?” I asked her sheepishly.

“Here, let me talk to her.” Jen told me with that same relaxing smile.

I gave her the phone and just looked out the window at the woods that surrounded her house, and again lost myself in my thoughts.

“You know, you’re girlfriend is worried about you.” came Jen’s voice as I felt a soft hand on my shoulder, which brought me back to reality.

“Huh? What?” I said, as I could feel myself starting to blush.

“I said Sarah is worried about you.”

“Yeah, I’ve never ran out of gas before.”

“No.” she told me. “She’s worried about you for other reasons.”

I turned around and could see the look of concern in her eyes. She offered me a seat and she asked Gertie to make us a couple of mugs of something called ‘Chocolate overload.’

“So you want to talk about what’s been on your mind?” she asked as I could hear Gertie putting a pot on the stove.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.” I told her. A cat strolled into the room and jumped up into her lap. She stroked his head and neck as he purred loudly.

“Oh, you’d be surprised what I’d believe.” she told me with a wink. "By the way, this guy's name is Gillie. Hope you like cats 'cause if he takes a liking to you he'll probably curl up on your lap."

Gillie wandered over and I extended a hand so he could take a sniff. He did just that then nuzzled my hand so I scratched him behind the ears. The purring got even louder. He seemed to be headed for my lap then a noise from the direction of the kitchen distracted him and he took off after it.

Jen giggled a bit. "Sounds like Gertie is opening his lunch. So you were saying...?"

“I doubt you’d believe this.” I said and gave a slight laugh. “I don’t even believe it myself.”

“Well, I’ve learned that talking about it, sometimes helps at least get the issue into the open. And believable or not, it gives you a chance for another point of view.”

“Alright, just don’t say I didn’t warn you.” I told her with a shrug.

I gave her the ‘Cliff’s Notes’ version of the dream I had, and then gave her the entire story about the actual accident. How I’d landed in some sort of chemical that altered my DNA, and changed my once male body, into the female one sitting before her. I tried to read her expression as I told her my story, but I just couldn’t get a read on her. Usually I can tell what people are thinking, from what their eyes say, but I just couldn’t read Jen. Once I finished, I asked her what she though.

“It sounds to me, like you feel alone, and lost right now.” she said as Gertie showed up with a couple of mugs of what looked like hot coco.

“Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.” I told her as I took a sip of my mug. “Hey, this tastes pretty good.” I told her with the first smile I’d had all day.

“It’s something a good friend of mine showed me how to make.” she said with a smile. “Something about chocolate makes you feel better.”

“I’ve heard that.” I said, then took another sip. “So what do you really think about what I told you? Pretty out there huh?”

“Yes, it is a bit hard to grasp, but it’s not the first time I’ve heard of a man changing into a woman.” she told me with that relaxing smile again.

“Yeah, right. Like there’s more of me out there.” I said with a small giggle of disbelief.

“Actually, more like in here.” she said with a wink.

“You lost me. In where?”

“In this room.”

“Where?” I asked her looking around to see if there was someone else there that I didn’t see.

“Right here.” she told me, as she made a gesture towards herself.

“Quit making fun of me.” I said as I started to cry. “I’m being serious. I really did change into a woman. And here you are trying to make fun of me, by telling me that you did to.” I told her almost yelling. “There’s no way a woman with your beauty could ever had been a guy. I know some women who had SRS, and you look nothing like them.”

“I never said I had SRS.” she told me as she offered me a tissue. “All I said was that I changed.”

“You’re just making fun of me.” I said, then blew my nose.

“No, I’m not Toni.” she said getting up and then grabbing a well worn photo album. “Here, look.”

She showed me some pictures of a guy laying in a hospital bed. His body showed the marks of someone who’d been struck by lightning. As we went through the pictures, I could watch as the mans body changed. It was kind of eerie to watch the guy in HER photo album go through the same changes I saw my body go through in my dream, and then experience in real life. Finally there was one that you could make out was Jen. She was in the same bed, and though her hair didn’t quite look the same as it did now, there was no doubt that it was her.

“So you weren’t screwing with me?” I asked in shock.

“I’d never try to play a prank on someone who was in as much mental distress as you seemed to be Toni.” she told me as she held my hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Can I see that first picture again?” I asked as something clicked in my head. She flipped back to the first picture and I looked at the face carefully. It finally dawned on me that I knew him. “You used to work at News Radio 750 didn’t you?”

“Yes, but that was a lifetime ago.” she told me, with a semi-confused look on her face.

“I remember you.” I said with a smile. “I was the producer that was trapped at the studio when the big Labor day storm hit a few years back.”

“Wait, let me think.” she said as I could see the gears turning in her head. “I remember kind of a big guy who basically saved the station that night. Didn’t you hang up on Biggy?” she asked, making reference to the stations programming director.

“Yes I did.” I told her with a giggle. “I actually hung up on him a couple of times while I was trying to work the remote start up on the transmitter that had been struck by lightning.”

“Now I remember you.” I didn’t see you at the lunch they had to thank everyone who helped keep us on the air. What happened?”

“No one told me about it.” I said looking kind of dejected. “It’s alright though, I laid a guilt trip on Biggy, and he gave me a couple of tickets to the SU, Miami game.”

“Alright, so what have you been up to since then?”

“Well, I left to go to work for the hard rock station, then quit, when I got accepted into the electrician’s union apprentice program. I left there when, I got offered a job with a racing team from the area, and then ended up in North Carolina working for a NASCAR team. I came home when my dad had a stroke a couple of years ago. Once he was back on his feet, I went out to Arizona to work for a sprint car team. Then came home after the end of the season, and I’ve been working at the aluminum plant in Oswego since then.” I told her then took a sip of my coco. “What about you?”

“You want the long version?” she asked with a Cheshire cat grin.

“Wait a minute, isn’t your last name Stevens?”

“Yes it is.” she said smiling wider.

“Oh crap! I feel like such a dork now. You’re Jen Stevens, the actress.” I sad smacking my head in grief.

“Guilty as charged.” she said with a giggle.

“How could I not recognize you?” I said, as I felt myself start to blush. “I own your movie on DVD, and I even bought a copy of your musical set from the Fair last year, to help support the orchestra.”

“Ah, a fan I see.” she said with that same grin. “So is it safe to assume that you don’t feel as bad as you did when you first showed up?”

“Well, meeting you, had kind of made me forget about that.” I said sheepishly. “I’m a bit too nervous now.”

“Nervous? Why on earth are you nervous?”

“Because I’ve never been this close to a big star before.”

“I’m not a big star.” she said, as she put her hand on my shoulder. “I’m just Jen. Remember? We used to work together at the radio station?”

“Yeah, but that was...” I didn’t know what to say.

“That was a while back, but I’m still the same person on the inside. Just because my outside has been upgraded, doesn’t mean anything else has changed.” she told me. “I take it that was the real reason you were so distraught earlier? You were afraid of losing the old you, and were trying figure out where the new you fit in?”

“That’s about the size of it.” I said with a sigh. “Recently I’ve been having the uncanny idea that my life is just the delusional ramblings...”

“Of an overweight guy who needs to get out of the house more?” she said, cutting me off, but saying exactly what I was going to say.

“You feel that way too sometimes?” I asked her in shock.

“More times than I’d like to think about. Look Toni, you aren’t alone on this. There are more of us than you think, out there. The biggest problem is that none of us want to be treated like a science experiment, so most of us try to keep that little bit of ourselves to ourselves.”

“But how do you cope with it all?”

“It’s not easy. There have been some things that have happened that I won’t tell you about. But know that if you ever need to talk, just give me a call.” she said, then gave me her cell number.

“Thanks Jen. I needed this.” I told her as I hugged her.

“It’s alright. You can get through this. It’s no harder to learn how to be a woman than it was learning how to run a radio station broadcast. Trust me.” she said to me, as she gently rubbed my back. “Come on, let’s go get your bike and get you home.”

“But I still don’t know where I am.”

“It’s alright, I’ll get us to the highway, and we can try to find it from there.”

On the way to the highway, I pointed out to Jen where my bike was as we came upon it. With a little effort, we had it in the back of her old red truck and before I knew it, we were pulling up to my dad’s house. I asked Jen to join us for dinner, but she told me she already had plans. I ended up going to bed that night feeling a little better about what was happening to my body, and what would be happening in my life. I wasn’t completely comfortable with it yet, but at least now I knew I had somewhere I could turn, and someone I could talk to, if it got to be too much.

To Be Continued.

Jennifer Stevens appears courtesy of Bob Arnold

I looked up just as I sat down on my bike to start for home and saw the guy that Jimmy had turned in earlier heading toward me in his truck, at a high rate of speed. I gunned the bike and took off like a scalded dog. I was just in time, to have him miss me and hit the guard shack I was parked right next to. Becoming Antonia Part 21. By; Toni, with help from Zomba

---

 

The talk I had with Jen really helped me realize that just because life has thrown me a curve ball, it’s not the end of the world. I actually started to feel up-beat about the whole experience. I had a way to start over and live as I would have liked to. I was going to have a nice big check in my pocket from the settlement with the school, and I had a great girl who was going to be having my baby. How could life get any better? I doubt it could.

Have you ever noticed how much life is like a roller coaster? One minute you’re at the top of the world, and, the next minute, something comes and gives you a bitch-slap to remind you that reality is seldom pleasant. That is exactly what happened when Brenda and Helen finally cleared me to go back to work. I’d been told by Sal and Terry, that they contacted the aluminum plant and explained the extent of my injuries well enough for the plant to agree to hold my job, but they left out anything that would have gone against the non-disclosure agreement with the school.

I’ve never been more uncomfortable at a job than that first night back at the plant. It seemed like everyone was trying to get a look at the new me. Truth be told, I now know why people climb bell towers with high powered rifles. Some of my crew were pretty cool about it though. My department head was waiting for me when I walked into the crew room and so were all the crew leaders. For the first time in a couple of weeks, I had that déja vu feeling as I saw Helen and Rachel, and felt a shiver run down my spine. Ed, my crew leader, looked lost at first. I don’t really think he understood that I was the same person he used to go golfing with. The other crew leaders were kind of cool about it, but I could still feel their eyes on me as we all sat there talking about what had happened. I couldn’t say much, but I could still almost hear the dirty thoughts of the guys in the room as their eyes ogled my body.

Once the rest of the crew showed up for the start of the shift, Helen made the announcement that I was back, and that everyone was to remember what they all had learned in the sensitivity training they had all received while I was out. I looked around and saw everyone nodding in agreement, but I still couldn’t help but feel a bit uneasy about the whole thing.

It was about half way through my shift when I came to the realization that I really need to start listening more closely to my inner voice. You know, the one that usually tells you when something doesn’t feel quite right. I think if I’d listened closer to it, most of this would never have happened and I could have just gone on living my life like the happy asshole I used to be. But, like an idiot, I didn’t listen, AGAIN!

I had gone to the cafeteria, to get my meal for the night, and was walking back when I felt a sharp pain in the back of my head and saw the floor rushing up toward me. I did feel the floor hit my head, right before everything went black.

I woke up behind the mill, and it just happened to be at the time that a couple of guys were pulling my pants off me. I tried to scream, but soon realized that they had jammed a leather glove in my mouth and held it in place with duct tape. I tried to thrash around, but there were five of them, and as near I could figure, each one held one of my limbs as the fifth one readied himself to rape me. Just as he got his pants down, I saw Ed, and Jimmy, one of my crew members, jump him and wrestle him to the ground. The other guys took off, and left me laying there on one of the thirty-five thousand pound ingots.

Tears were running down my face when Ed finally helped me to my feet, and I could see that Jimmy had the guy that tried to rape me tied up with a zip tie. I couldn’t do anything but hug Ed, and sob into his chest. For his part, he just stood there and softly patted my shoulders while I did. Ed took me to his office while Jimmy took the would-be rapist to the security shack. Once I finally had some coffee in me, Ed asked me what happened.

“I was walking back from the cafeteria, when something hit me in the back of the head,” I told him, as I started to think back to everything I remembered. Which wasn’t much. “I remember hitting the floor, and blacking out. The next thing I know, four of them are holding me down, while the fifth one is pulling down his pants. I tried to scream for help, but they had that glove in my mouth. That’s when you and Jimmy showed up,” I told him as I broke down and started crying again.

“It’s alright Toni. You didn’t do anything wrong,” He said, as he squeezed my hand. “We noticed you missing and asked if anyone had seen you. Dog, from the soaking pits, said he saw you laying in the back of one of the scooters, but he thought something had happened and the guys who were with you were taking you to the nurse. I called over there, and they hadn’t seen you. We just went the same way they did and found you outside. I’m just glad we got there in time.”

“Me too, Ed,” I told him as I started to smile. “You really saved my bacon tonight.”

“Look, I called your dad, and Sarah’s coming to get you. Why don’t you go home, and get some sleep. I’m sure Tom (the plant manager) is going to want to see you tomorrow.”

“Thanks Ed,” I told him as I gave him a friendly hug.

I headed to the showers and cried. They were those heavy tears that you cry when you know your life almost just ended. And you know what? It actually made me feel a bit better. My friends saved my life, because they realized I was missing and came to rescue me. I still had some friends left.

I dried off and dressed in my street clothes to head for home. I saw Dad, and Sarah waiting for me at the gate when I got there. They both hugged me. Since I’d taken my motorcycle to work that night, they agreed to follow me home, while they rode in Dad’s Jeep. That’s when I had that déja vu feeling again. I saw all five guys that had attacked me being escorted out the gate. I looked up just as I sat down on my bike to start for home and saw the guy that Jimmy had turned in earlier heading toward me in his truck, at a high rate of speed. I gunned the bike and took off like a scalded dog. I was just in time, to have him miss me and hit the guard shack I was parked right next to. Luckily, the guards were all on the other side of the gate, not in the shack.

But, it wasn’t over. The guy sprang from his truck and headed toward me on a dead sprint. I saw he had a knife in his hand, so I let instinct take over. I grabbed the hammer from the loop I have on my bike and heaved it at him as hard as I could. Either he was blind with rage, over just being fired, or the lighting where I was parked wasn’t that good. Regardless of the reason, he obviously never saw the four pound ball-peen hammer until it actually hit him right in the head. I don’t think I need to tell you that he was knocked out colder then a ‘well digger’s ass in January’, but he was.

I shut the bike off and shook my head while the guards tended to him to see if I’d just killed him. I hadn’t. The guards told me they saw the whole thing, and saw that he had a knife. So, when the police showed up, I wasn’t brought up on charges, but the guy who tried to hit me was. I also told the cops that the whole lot of them, the guys the guards had in the back of their truck, had tried to rape me. I could see the look on the female cop’s face as I told her what I’d told Ed earlier. Lucky for those guys, she has extensive training, to help her control her emotions. Once the guard told her what I’d done, she looked at me and smiled.

“Somedays, I wish that I could get away with doing that,” she told me as she handed me back my hammer.

“Someday’s I wish I would have stayed in bed,” I told her with a slight giggle.

She took my information, and I was finally able to head for home.

Try as I might, I just couldn’t sleep that night. I tossed, and turned, but sleep never came. So, after a couple of hours of laying there trying to calm down, I decided to take my shrink’s advice. I started writing down everything that’s happened. This is being used as a journal, so I can remind myself, if I ever need to that is, of everything that’s gone on and what happened next.

The plant manager called and asked to see me around noon. So I got dressed in some business casual clothes that Sarah had picked up for me and drove in to hear the good news. It’s never good news when the plant manager calls you into his office. However, after the night I’d just had, my ‘give-a-damn’ was busted. I got there a few minutes early and waited in the reception area, trying to remember as much as I could about last night. That’s when Tom came out.

“Toni, I’m glad you could make it,” he told me, as he held out his hand to me. “I hear you had one hell of a first night back.”

“Truth be told, sir, I haven’t slept yet,” I told him, shaking his hand.

“Well, come on in, and let’s see if we can figure out what to do next.”

He read to me, the incident report Ed had helped me file last night, before I went home. Then, he read the incident report the security guards filed about the smashed guard shack and having to call the cops.

“Why did you throw a hammer at that guy?” he asked me.

“It was the only thing I had available. He was coming at me with a knife.”

“So, you threw a sledge hammer at him?”

“No sir, it was a ball-peen hammer.”

“Alright, let me ask the important question. Why did you have a ball-peen hammer with you?”

“I always ride with one.”

“Why?”

“I use it to get the attention of people in traffic that aren’t paying attention. When I’m on my bike, if you try to hit me with your car, I’m going to let you know I’m there. Usually the horn works, if that doesn’t get their attention, a shattered window usually does.”

“So you’ve done this before?”

“No sir, that was the first time I’ve actually had to use it.”

“I’m not going to sugar coat this,” he told me, as I saw him get serious. “We do not allow violence of any kind here. I’m afraid I’m going to have to suggest an administrative separation.”

“Why beat around the bush Tom? Just say it. I’m fired,” I said shaking my head.

“Alright. You’re being fired for fighting.”

“Fair enough. I hope you’re doing that to the other five workers from last night.”

“Why is that?”

“Because Tom, I’m sure the press would LOVE to hear that a woman got fired for defending herself, while the five guys who tried to rape her, one of who tried to kill her with a truck, were not,” I told him straight faced, and could see that he was nervous. “So, by all means, go ahead and give me my walking papers. I want it in writing why I’m being dismissed, and I’ll expect that you’ll supply my lawyer with a copy of the terminations of the other five. Go on, have Cathy draft it up. I’ll wait.”

He nervously got up and told his receptionist Cathy to type up a letter stating that I was being terminated for fighting with five other employees. She brought it in about a minute later and Tom signed it and handed it over to me.

“Oh, one more thing, I’ll take a copy of that incident report Ed filed last night about my attempted rape. I’m sure my lawyer will love to see these together,” I told him as I sat there reading my termination letter.

Once I had the incident report and my termination letter, I headed for Sal’s office and handed everything over to him. Sal told me that he could sue the company so I could get my job back. I just shook my head. I didn’t really want to work for a place that didn’t treat me with the enough respect to figure out that I was the victim. It was then, that I found out Sal had my check from the school. He’d looked over the statement I had to sign and it all looked good. Once I signed and had my check, I went across the hall from Sal’s office, to the CPA I’d been having do my taxes.

I explained the situation to Marilyn, and she agreed to help me set up a college fund for the baby and invest the rest of them money properly. We first took a look at taxes. That took care of a third of the $13 million right off the top. Next, she deducted all the bills that were in my father's name and mine. Next we factored in three new cars, since Sarah, dad and I were driving high-milage used cars. It still came out to just over $7 million left. She suggested I invest half and put the rest in a bank. Sarah and I could very easily live off the interest of the money in the bank, so that’s what I had Marilyn do.

I felt like I was back on that roller coaster again. I’d just had a down, by getting fired for defending myself, and now I was bill free, and ready to take my dad and fiancé shopping for new cars. I’d ask the big question to the universe right now, but the last thing I need is Officer Murphy enforcing the law right now. You get my drift.

To Be Continued.

“Yeah, I’m fine. But I have to tell you lady, you hit harder than they did when I tried out for the Bruins.” he said with a laugh. “Boston? Good thing you didn’t tell me that earlier. Or else I would have really hit you.” I said to him with a giggle. “Go Sabers!” I shouted and heard a “right on!” come from one of the others. Becoming Antonia Part 22. By; Toni

---

 

Once I got home from Sal’s, I broke down. Here I was alone, since Sarah had taken dad to a doctor’s appointment, and the house was empty. I didn’t have anything to do but sit there and cry. I can’t really describe the emotions. It wasn’t sadness, or stress, at least, not by themselves. There was a mix of those, combined with excitement. I was free. I could now do everything I always wanted to. I had more money than I could possibly spend in this lifetime, but I knew I should proceed with caution. I didn’t have a job, which that meant I didn’t have any new money coming in. So I had to be careful not to fall into the trap that I’ve heard about with people who come into a great deal of money. I shouldn’t go and blow it all. I hope what I set up with Marilyn would help with future plans.

The idea struck me that Dad and I had always talked about moving and selling the house if we ever had the money. So I got online, and started searching to see what was out there. First thing I did was do a web search for gay marriage laws. Have you ever noticed just how many porn sites are out there on the net? Of the million or so sites that were found, I was able to eliminate all but three by refining my search to exclude the terms ‘porn’ and ‘fucking’. This left me with a couple of sites that didn’t really have the information I was looking for, and the main site for ‘www.stateline.org’.

I hit the mother load with that one. I was able to find out that Sal had done his homework when he told me back in the hospital that Massachusetts, which has recognized same-sex marriage since 2004. Connecticut, Vermont, New Jersey, California, and New Hampshire have created legal unions that, while not called marriages, are explicitly defined as offering all the rights and responsibilities of marriage under state law to same-sex couples. Maine, Hawaii, the District of Columbia, Oregon and Washington have created legal unions for same-sex couples that offer varying subsets of the rights and responsibilities of marriage under the laws of those jurisdictions. Either that, or move to Canada. Hating the snow, and never having liked going to California when I was working in racing, I looked at New Mexico, since they have no official state policy on the subject. I found out that the education system was pretty good there. Almost on par with what we had in New York State, so that was a plus. Then I went to find out what land was going for. I found a little plot just outside Santa Fe, that was well within the price range I was thinking of.

After a quick print out of what I’d found, so I could share it with the other two main players in this game, that has become my life, I went and started to find what kind of presents I could find for my wife to be and my father. Sarah had always told me that she liked the looks of the early ‘50's Mercuries, but that she didn’t like ‘flash’ as she put it. Basically, she wanted one that was restored, and not given the whole ‘chopped and slammed’ look that’s become almost a main stay of car shows today. I ended up finding a ‘mild custom’ on a site I knew had older cars, and after a quick call to the number listed, I struck a deal with the owner. I told him that I’d call him tomorrow to let him know where to ship the car, then went to find something for dad.

I already had the one car sitting at my friend’s shop, but I wanted it to be special. I called John and told him I wanted to loose the small block and told him to find one of the new Hemi’s to put in the car. I told him to find the complete drive train out of a new Charger or Magnum, complete with wiring harness, and put that in the car. He agreed and after mentioning something about finally coming to my senses, he said he’d get right on it. So I took a nap.

I woke up when dad and Sarah came home, so before they could get comfortable, I told them about what had happened, and made them come with me to go car shopping. It was kind of funny to watch us all pull into the big dealership near Syracuse that had every franchise, except for Chevy. Two of us driving beat-down minivans, being followed by dad’s Jeep. We found a sales person, and I already knew what I wanted to buy, so I let Sarah and dad make their choices. Sarah ended up with a Toyota Camry, and dad got a new Grand Cherokee. I couldn’t really fault the choices, since dad always liked the way the Jeep’s drove, and Sarah liked the good milage she knew she would get with the Toyota. Once the deals were made on their cars, I went over to Dodge and got my truck. Just like the one in my dream, it was dark green, and yup, you guessed it, HEMI!

I paid with the check, Marilyn gave me, and once we waited for them to do the final prep on our new rides, we were headed for home, but first, we stopped for dinner. It was at the restaurant that I noticed the funniest thing about the new cars. Dad’s was burgundy, Sarah’s was a metallic white, and mine was green. Parked just in that order I couldn’t help but laugh when you think that my last name is of Italian decent. We ate, without much problem, and then headed for the old homestead. I thought it would be a good time to lay out my plan to my fiancé and father, so I grabbed my notes, and met them in the kitchen.

“I’ve been doing some research and came up with a plan.” I told them as I handed Sarah what I found on the schools and gave dad, what I’d come up with about Santa Fe. “The schools in New Mexico are about on par with those around here. But there’s something better. There is a private school in Santa Fe that has the highest college graduation rate of any school in the country. It seems that every student who graduates from the school in Laughlin, goes on and graduates in the top percent of their college class.” I said to my wife to be. “And New Mexico doesn’t have any legislation baring same sex marriage.”

“Alright hun, but what do we do about a place to live?” she asked me, trying to hid a smile.

“Well that’s what dad’s reading.” I told her and turned to him. “The land there isn’t really that expensive, and Santa Fe isn’t that far away to do anything you want. You’re an hour outside of Reno, and Tahoe. So we’d be about how it is here, except we won’t have to worry about snow, unless we want to take a trip to Tahoe in the winter.”

“But what about this house?” he asked me.

“It’s already taken care of.” I said beaming with pride. “The bank should be calling tomorrow to tell you that the mortgage is all paid off.”

“You’re screwing with me.” he said in shock.

“No dad. It’s real. I got my check from the college today, that’s why we all got new cars. But before I did that, I made sure the bills were all paid off. And I set up some investments. Oh, and don’t worry about your doctors. I did some checking, and they have the best nephrologists in the country in Los Alamos. So your kidney will be well taken care of, and the stroke clinic at New Mexico State’s medical center is the best. So we’ll be able to keep you around to see your grand-kids for a long time.”

He knew I was right, and everything was set, or so I thought. The phone call I got from one of the guys threw a little monkey-wrench into the works. One of my fraternity brothers called to find out if it was true about me being turned into a woman.

“Yeah Phantom, why?” I asked over the phone.

“Well, my sister is playing semi-pro hockey for a team, out in New Mexico, and they need a good defense-man, er, woman as the case were.”

“So what’s that got to do with me?”

“Well, you always were a good enforcer when we’d play intermural in college...”

“And you want to know if I’d play for her team.”

“Actually I wanted to call to see if what Opiee had told me was true first. But yeah, they do need some help.”

“I’ll have to think about it. When do you need to know by?” I asked him as Sarah and dad gave me the funniest looks.

“Well, they’re taking a couple of months off for the summer, but they need an answer by August.”

“I’ll get back to you, I have a lot of shit happening right now man.” I told him, knowing that I’d have a couple of months before I had to give an answer since it was only the start of June.

We ended the call like that, with him almost begging me to say yes. I know he’s always loved his sister to the point that he’d do just about anything, legal that is, for her. Just as I hung the phone up, I got another call, and just shook my head.

“Grand Central Station.” I said into the receiver, not really caring who was on the other end.

“I take it that you’ve had a busy day?” came Jen’s voice.

“Yeah, you could say that Jen.” I told her back with a giggle.

“You need to talk about it?” she asked. “I’ve been getting funny vibes all day and was wondering if everything was alright.”

“Have you ever had one of those days where you want to shoot half the people in your life and hug the other half?”

“That good huh?” she asked with a slight giggle. “Tell you what, I’m passing through your neck of the woods right now, how about we go and talk.”

“That would be nice. I could use another point of view right now.”

“I’ll be there in a couple minutes.”

And, with that, I told Sarah and dad that I’d be going out for a couple of minutes. They were both pretty cool about it, since Sarah knew I’d tell her everything once I got home, and Jen had already told her about herself, so she thought it was good for me to talk with someone who had gone through some of the things I was experiencing.

It didn’t take long for Jen to show up, and we headed out in her minivan. This struck me as nothing but funny that such a big star, who could drive just about anything on the planet, had an old Dodge truck, and a minivan for her vehicles. But I guess she uses it to never forget where she came from. That and besides, who would ever look for a star of her caliber to drive a baby blue minivan, or an old red Dodge truck?

“Alright, fill me in.” she said bluntly, as we headed down the road.

“Ah, where to start?” I asked myself out loud. “How about when I went back to work, I almost got gang raped, by five guys, only to be saved by my crew leader and one of the other guys on my crew. Then as I was trying to go home, one of the guys tried to hit me in the parking lot, only to bury his truck in the guard house. But that didn’t stop him. He came at me with a knife, and I had to throw the hammer I keep on my motorcycle at him. Which got me fired for violence.” I could see that she was starting to get upset, so I quickly moved on. “Then once I went to my lawyer’s office with my notice of termination, he gave me the check from my settlement with the college, of which, I invested half. The other half went toward paying bills, and making sure my fiancé and dad had new cars to drive. The rest I put in the bank, and figure I can live quite nicely off the interest. And the corker of the day was when one of my fraternity brothers asked me, that since I was now a woman, if I’d play hockey for his sister’s semi pro team.” I told her, then took a deep breath. “How’s that for a quick recap of the past two days?”

She looked at me for a moment with a straight face, before asking, “You really threw a hammer at a guy at work?”

“It was the only thing I had available to defend myself.” I told her sheepishly.

“Remind me to stay on your good side girl.” she told me, as she pulled into the parking lot of Sweet Inspirations. “How about some icecream?”

“That would be good right now.” I told her with a smile.

Once we had our orders we found a table and started to eat and talk a bit, just watching the classic cars come in and out of the parking lot. Since it was summer, it was nice to see all the old cars being dug out of storage again.

“So how do you feel about everything that’s happened?” she asked me between bites of her ‘Death by Chocolate’ sundae.

“That’s a bit hard to narrow down Jen. So much has happened, I’m not sure how I feel.”

“Alright, how do you feel about getting fired?”

“I think it sucks.” I told her bluntly.

“Is it more about not having a job, or the circumstances behind why you don’t have a job?”

“It’s more the why, then the actual outcome.” I told her between bites of my ‘Black and White.’ “I mean, I was thinking of quitting anyway, but until I threatened to sue them, they weren’t going to fire the five guys who accosted me.”

“You’re serious?” she asked in shock. “The weren’t going to do anything?”

“Well, the guy I hit with the hammer was the same guy who was caught with his pants down. He’s going to be serving jail time, but the other four were pretty much going to get off scot-free.”

“So I take it, you raising a stink put an end to that right?”

“I told the plant manager that my lawyer would love to hear that I was being fired for defending myself when the guys who attacked me were still working there.”

“I’m sure that would be worth a million or two if they’d called your bluff.” she said with a smile.

“It’s not about the money.” I told her. “It’s more about being fair. Fair is fair, and that wasn’t fair. If I’m fired for defending myself, then the guys who provoked it all should be canned too.”

“I agree with you 100%. But what comes next?”

“I don’t know. Probably just find something to occupy my days while I help my wife to be raise our child.” I told her.

“What about hockey?” she asked me with a smile. “If I remember, you used to almost live in your old hockey jersey at the radio station.”

“Yeah, I did. But, you and I could both probably fit in that thing together now.” I said, giggling.

“Do you miss playing, Toni?”

“I haven’t played in over ten years Jen. And that was a pickup game at college.”

“It’s just like riding a bike.”

“I don’t know if I could play the same game I used to.”

“How’s that?” she asked confused slightly.

“Well, I used to be an enforcer. I was the one out there who would lay the hits on the other team.”

“And you’re worried that being smaller, you won’t be able to do that any more?”

“Kind of. I mean I know I can still skate, but I just don’t see myself being that intimidating anymore.” I said as I felt the tears start to well up in my eyes. “The old me never would have had to deal with five guys trying to rape him.”

“No, I guess he wouldn’t have.” she told me as she reached out and took my hand in her’s. “But you can’t let what some scum-bags do to you, dictate how you live your life. Come on, I have an idea.” she told me as she handed me a napkin and threw our empty dishes away.

“Where are we going?” I asked sniffling.

“It’s a surprise.”

“Allow me to explain to you how I feel about surprises.”

“Hate them with a passion, eh?”

“Bingo.”

“You’ll like this one, come on.”

I did as she said, since I was in no shape to walk home. My mind started racing as she started heading south toward Syracuse, and refused to tell me where she was taking me. I kept asking, and she kept saying it was a surprise. She was right, it was a surprise, when she pulled into the Cicero ‘Twin Rinks’ skating complex. It’s one of only two places open in the summer where you can ice-skate around here.

“You’re kidding right?” I asked her as I stepped out of her van.

“Nope. We’re going to skate.”

“But I don’t have any of my gear with me.” I protested.

“It’s alright, they have skates you can borrow.”

I just kept shaking my head as we made our way inside, and we each got a pair of skates from the rental shop. It was a bit strange at first, since I haven’t worn rental skates since I was a kid learning to skate. But I guess I had no other choice, since Jen obviously wasn’t going to let me go home until she proved, whatever she was going to prove to me.

We made our way to an almost empty rink and I have to admit, it felt like I’d never left the ice, once I got out there. I made a quick couple of laps at pace, and skating backwards for a bit, before I noticed that Jen was still holding onto the boards, inching her way around the ice.

“You’ve never skated before have you?” I asked her, trying to hold back a giggle.

“Nope. Never done this in my life.”

“Alright, come on, hold my hand, and I’ll help you.” I told her as she grabbed onto me. “Just spread your feet a bit and keep your weight on the insides of your blades.”

She actually started to get the hang of it, after a while of having a death grip on my arm. With my coaxing, she finally let go, and made it the length of the ice, before she fell, crashing into the boards. I raced over to her, and found she was laughing at the whole experience. It was about that time that a group of kids that looked about college aged, showed up and started a game of hockey. I helped Jen off the ice, and we watched a bit.

Not long after the game started, one of the players got hurt, and as his friends helped him off the ice, to his waiting parents, we could hear one of the other guys complaining that they’d have to end the game.

“My friend here knows how to play.” Jen informed them, which caused me to feel myself turning all sorts of shades of red.

“I can’t do this Jen.” I whispered to her, as one of the guys came over with a stick, some gloves and a helmet that he said should fit. Feeling trapped, what could I do?

I took the gear and went out on the ice. The game was going pretty well, and I was learning where my teammates, skill levels were pretty quickly. Then it happened. On a break away, I got hit with an open ice check. Having been knocked on my ass and bouncing off the boards, I got mad. I knew who did it, and waited for my shot. The guy who had checked me, was struggling with the puck in the corner. He never saw me coming, and I leveled him. Actually, I suppose level wouldn’t be the right word to use, when you hit someone so hard, they break through the glass at the top of the boards.

His friends all looked at me in shock, and I was worried that I’d just killed the kid. That was until he stumbled to his feet, and while he looked dazed, he was alright. We all decided that we should call it a game, and went back to take off our skates.

“Wow, lady, no one’s ever hit Chip like that before.” one of the boys told me as I gave back my borrowed gear.

“Sorry.” I said to the guy who’d checked me.

“Don’t be. That was a good hit, and besides, I kind of leveled you earlier.” he told me rubbing his neck.

“Are you alright?” I asked him, concerned that I’d injured the poor boy.

“Yeah, I’m fine. But I have to tell you lady, you hit harder than they did when I tried out for the Bruins.” he said with a laugh.

“Boston? Good thing you didn’t tell me that earlier. Or else I would have really hit you.” I said to him with a giggle. “Go Sabers!” I shouted and heard a “right on!” come from one of the others.

After I settled up with the rink manager for the glass I helped break, we headed back for my house, and I could tell Jen was about to burst with excitement.

“So how did you like that?”

“It was like going home again.” I told her with a grin.

“Still don’t think you can play your old game?”

“Nope. Now if the kid had told me he tried out for Pittsburgh, and I hit harder then they did, I’d consider it. The Bruins are a bunch of wussies.” I told her with a giggle.

“Come on, seriously, that was as hard a hit as I’ve ever seen.”

“Yeah, I kind of felt bad when I thought the kid was hurt.”

“But he wasn’t. And I’d also like to point out, that he gave you a cheap shot earlier in the game.”

“Alright, you win. I’ll play hockey.” I said with a sigh. “I’ll at least try out.”

“Atta’ girl.” Jen told me with a smile, as we finally pulled into my driveway.

“So, you’re going to come visit me in New Mexico right?” I asked her.

“NEW MEXICO!” she asked me in shock. “What’s in New Mexico?”

“That’s where the team is. And coincidentally, that’s where Sarah and I were looking to move anyway, since they don’t have any legislation barring same sex marriage.”

“Alright, looks like I’ll be making a trip or two to New Mexico.” she told me with a grin. “Out of curiosity, where in New Mexico?”

“I found a little plot of land for sale just outside of Santa Fe.” I told her as I got ready to head back into the house. “They have pretty good schools there, and The doctors will be able to make sure my father sees his grand kid, for a long time. Why?”

“Oh, nothing, just I know some people there. They run a beautiful health spa, and I think you’d like the assistant to the lady who runs the place. Nice kid, with a good head on her shoulders.” she said then winked at me. “Maybe I’ll introduce you sometime.”

“We’ll see. Maybe if things go well with the team, I can talk them into using the Spa you know of, exclusively, as a rehabilitation location.”

"That's a possibility. Um... Toni... I've got to let you know that I'm going to start filming on a couple of movies back to back. I'll be out in California for maybe as long as a year or so. If you want to call I promise that I'll try to get back to you as soon as I can. I just don't want you to think that I'm trying to avoid you or anything like that."

"I understand, Jen."

"If you're going out to LA I have a home out there and you're welcome come out for a visit. I'm taking Gertie and Gillie with me on this trip and I'll let her know that you're welcome there at any time." Jen handed me a small envelope. "That contains the information on how to find my place. Please don't give that information out."

"I won't Jen."

We said our good-byes and I headed inside, to find my dad and fiancé, in a spirited game of pinochle. I simply kissed them both, took a shower, and went to bed for some well deserved sleep. After the last couple of day’s I’ve had, I needed it.

To Be Continued.

Jen Stevens appears courtesy of Bob Arnold. All rights reserved.

“As some of you know, and one of you didn’t, today was the tryouts for the Columbia* Hot Flash. I’m pleased to announce that we now have a full roster, with the addition of Beth Stickle, and Toni Trepasso.” Becoming Antonia Part 23. By; Toni, Edited By; Holly Logan, with my many thanks to her.

---

 

The move date came quickly as the three of us thrashed to get everything ready to move to New Mexico. Lucky for us, the realtor I’d spoken with out there when I purchased the land, had a house we could rent until our new one was built. Phantom called me a couple of days after the first call and I reluctantly told him that I’d try out for his sister’s team. I still wasn’t sure about being able to play at that level, but I’d at least give it a shot. I knew from going on the team’s website, that most of the women in that league had played college hockey, and there was one who’d been selected as an alternate on the Olympic team. I had my work cut out for me, but I’d just go out there, and play my normal game.

It only took a couple of days to make the trip out to the new house, and another day to get everything, well for the most part anyway, settled. A quick chat with Cindy, (Phantom’s sister) had me agreeing to meet the team for a little summer pickup game that they did as a way to not get “rink rust” as it’s called when you take the summer off from playing. I had watched some women’s hockey before, but I really had no idea what I was getting myself into when I first stepped out on the ice.

Now, I want to remind you that I hadn’t played on a regular basis in over ten years, and that was only an intramural games at college for kids who weren’t good enough to make the school team. Yet, here I was, on the same ice with a handful of women who’d earned their college varsity letters in this game. Cindy was the only one out there who hadn’t been given a full scholarship to play, since she’d made her college team as a walk on.

Once the warm up skate was over, I started to wonder just what I’d gotten myself into. Cindy and I were on a team with Stacy, who’d made the Olympic team as an alternate goal tender, the team Captain named Stephanie Svetlana, whom they’d got from the Russian national team, and a girl who was fresh out of Harvard, and their NCAA Championship team, named Beth. The other team was made up of the starting lineup from last season. (We’ll get to their names later.)

At the drop of the puck, we won the face off, and I somehow ended up with it. That lasted all of a full second as I passed to Cindy and then picked myself up off the ice. I’d been hit harder than I thought possible by Tracy. She had been the team enforcer last season, and I now knew why. She could probably have held her own with any member of the Philadelphia Flyers ‘Legion of Doom’ line. I tried to keep my cool, but every time I’d get near the puck, I’d quickly find myself having to get back up off the ice, since Tracy just kept leveling me. However, my chance came near the end of the first period. Tracy had Cindy tied up in the corner with the puck between her skates. I hoped that, being Phantom’s sister, she’d have the same idea of verbal signals that her brother had, as I skated toward the two of them at full tilt. Just before I got there, I yelled to Cindy, to get her to duck.

“SEX WITH BANSHEES!” I hollered to her, to give her just enough time to know what was coming, and like her brother, she fell to the ice in the fetal position. Tracy just turned to look at me, and all she saw was my shoulder coming right for her. She bounced off the glass, and crumpled to the ice in a heap as I helped Cindy back to her skates.

We all just stood around as they used smelling salts on Tracy to get her to come back around. Once she did, the others just looked at me with puzzled looks on their faces.

Cindy was the first to speak as one of the others helped Tracy back to her skates. “You know, it’s a good thing Eric warned me about you,” she said with a slight grin.

“I was hoping that you two had played enough together to be able to understand my signal,” I said sheepishly.

“Oh, I know it, and I think the rest of the team does now, too,” she told me, as I felt someone grab my shoulder and pull on me, to spin me around.

Out of instinct, I dropped my gloves, and got in my ready to fight stance as I turned to see Tracy standing there with her one hand held out as a sign of peace.

“Truce,” she said with a grin.

“Hey, I’m sorry about that. I don’t know what came over me,” I told her as I started to shake her hand.

“Don’t worry about it. Cindy told me that you used to be an enforcer yourself, so I was giving you those cheap shots to get you going,” she said holding her shoulder. “I guess I bit off more than I bargained for.”

“I was able to keep my cool until I saw you going after Cindy,” I said with a smile, then turned my face stone cold serious. “No one messes with my teammates.”

You could see some of the color drain from her face, as she knew I wasn’t playing around. I’ve always been the person who would make anyone who did something cheap to one of my teammates, pay. We broke for the day, and Stephanie came over to me, as I was changing back into my street clothes.

“You know, Toni,” she said sitting down on the same bench I was sitting on. “Tracy went all last season, and no one was able to get her off her skates, let alone knock her goofy.”

“I’m sorry, I just couldn’t watch her do to Cindy, what she’d been doing to me.”

“I know, and that’s what being a team is all about.” she told me with a tender smile. “We look out for one another out there. And you proved that you have what it takes to skate with the ‘Hot Flash.”

“You mean if I can pass the tryouts. Right?” I asked her, confused slightly.

“You did pass your tryout. That is what today was. We wanted to see how you handled yourself in a game situation.” she told me grinning from ear to ear. “You kept your cool, and stayed calm until you needed to act. And you gave your teammate a chance to get out of the way of your hit.”

“All I did, was do what we did when I used to play with her brother, in college.” I told her sheepishly.

“And she understood what was going to happen next. But the other team was clueless. That’s what good teammates do.” She placed a hand on my shoulder and leaned in to whisper in my ear. “Look, I’ve been told you used to be a guy, but you don’t look like any TS I’ve ever seen. So we’ll just chalk those rumors up to jealous bitches. You’re welcome on this team. Alright?”

“I’ll have to talk it over with my fiancée, but I don’t see a problem.” I told her holding out my hand, but she pulled me into a hug.

“Ladies!” Stephanie shouted to get the attention of the others. “As some of you know, and one of you didn’t, today was the tryouts for the Columbia* Hot Flash. I’m pleased to announce that we now have a full roster, with the addition of Beth Stickle, and Toni Trepasso.” Her speech was met with cheers from the other women. “And I’m sure with Tracy and Toni on the same line, our new ‘Twin Towers’ will strike fear in the hearts of the other teams.”

I looked over and saw Tracy give me a thumbs up, as if to say, “... lets kick some butt.” On the way out the door, Tracy, and Cindy stopped me to invite me over to their house for a little party they were having. It was going to be one last fling before the season got going.

“I don’t know, I’ll have to ask my fiancée.” I told them.

“Bring her along.” Cindy told me. “Tracy and I won’t mind. Just as long as she doesn’t try to steal my Tracy from me,” she said. Her words were met by my jaw hanging open. “Hello Toni!” she asked, shaking me. “What? Eric didn’t tell you that Tracy and I are married?”

“No.” I said sheepishly. “He never brought that up,” I said, looking at the two of them trying to hold back the giggles. “So you guys set me up, didn’t you?”

“Come on, don’t be that way.” Tracy told me, putting her arm around my shoulders. “Think of it more like a test, to see if you had it in you to be a ‘Hot Flash.”

“So you weren’t really mugging her in the corner?” I asked Tracy.

“All the actresses aren’t in Hollywood, dear.” she told me and looked at Cindy with a smile.

I just shook my head as I climbed into my truck and headed back to the love of my life, Who, by the way, was looking as beautiful as ever. She was showing a bit, as she was about five months along by this point. And she just radiated beauty to me. She was having another pinochle game with dad as I came up behind her, without her noticing me. I gently put my hands on her shoulders, and started massaging her neck and upper back while she sat there trying to concentrate on the game.

“What are you doing?” she asked, then let out a soft moan. “You’re helping him cheat, aren’t you?”

“Nope, you just looked a bit tense.” I told her as I stopped.

“I didn’t say you had to stop. I was just saying that you doing that is making it harder for me to beat this old fart,” she said, starting to giggle.

“I’ll show you, ‘old fart’.” dad told her, and went out in the hand, taking the win.

“Ok, that’s enough for now,” Sarah announced, then turned to face me. “So how did your skate go?”

“I made the team,” I told them both beaming with pride.

“I though tryouts were in a couple of weeks?” dad asked.

“So did I, but apparently, they were today,” I told them with a shrug. “I leveled the enforcer from last years team when I thought she was trying to mug Phantom’s sister in the corner. I ended up knocking her out for a couple of moments, and they called an end to the skate. They told me I’d made the team in the locker room.”

“So they weren’t pissed?” Sarah asked me.

“Nope, they’d set me up,” I said, trying to hold back a smile. “Tracy and Cindy are married, so they used that little show in the corner to see how I’d react.”

“I take it they have a new enforcer?” dad asked.

“Well, actually they are calling Tracy and me the ‘twin towers’ now. They want us to be on the same line, and do what we do best.”

“That’s my girl,” dad chuckled. “Just like I taught you. If they screw with your team, you hit them ‘till they stop.”

“Oh, and before I forget, we’ve been invited to a party at Cindy and Tracy’s.”

“Is this going to turn into something like a fraternity party?” Sarah asked me, a little leery of a rowdy bunch at this point in her pregnancy.

“It’ll be alright. It’s just a way to meet the girls off the ice,” I reassured her as I started to rub her back again.

“Alright, hun, I trust you.”

To be continued.

*The team is sponsored by Columbia Sportswear(R).

Helga was able to tie up one of their girls in the corner with the puck, and I signaled Tracy for a double hit. She and I started at the two in the corner struggling for the puck. Becoming Antonia Part 24 Written by Toni Trepasso Edited by Holly Logan, with my many thanks to her.

---

 

The season came quickly. At least it was upon us quicker than I would have liked it. But it was nice to get to meet the girls on my new team away from the ice at that party Cindy and Tracy threw. Come to find out, a couple of the women on the team, were mothers, and a couple others, were also lesbian. It felt good to know that Tracy, Cindy and I weren’t the lone strangers in that department.

As the party started to wind down, Sarah and I were talking with Tracy about what to expect for the upcoming season, and Cindy was saying good bye to some of those who were leaving. During a break from that action, Cindy pulled me aside and asked if Sarah and I would stay until everyone else had left, saying that she had some things to talk about with me. I agreed, since I didn’t want to have anything stand in the way of being friends with Phantomss sister. Once the four of us were alone, and sitting in their kitchen, she started her interrogation of me.

“So Eric tells me you two were good friends in college.” she said, as if she were fishing for something.

“Alright,” I sighed, “what did Phantom tell you about me?”

“Not much. Just that you used to play hockey with him, and he thought you could help turn the team around.” Cindy told me.

“Did he tell you how he and I met?” I asked her.

“Just that you were in the same fraternity, before they got their charter.”

“Did he also tell you that it wasn’t a co-ed house?” I asked.

“No. I just assumed...” she started to look confused.

“Alright, did he ever mention that one of his brothers had a bad accident earlier this year?”

“Yeah, something about falling down from ‘Gomez’, (that is what they call the hill behind the U) and landing in a pool of something behind the Bio-Chem building at the U.”

“Alright, did he say anything else about what happened?”

“No, just that they rushed the guy to the hospital.” she told me, looking concerned.

“I need you both to swear that what I say here, gets repeated to no one.” I said, looking back and forth between Tracy and Cindy.

“If this is about you being a transsexual. He did mention that.” Cindy told me.

“Remind me to kill your brother next time I see him.” I said raising one eyebrow to her. “I’m not a transsexual. What I landed in behind the U however, did cause me to change into the woman you see before you.”

“Huh?” they both asked together.

“The pool of whatever, I landed in behind the Bio-Chem building, caused my DNA to think I was supposed to be a female. Here, look.” I said as I pulled the small photo book out of Sarah’s bag.

They took the book, and started to flip through the pages. They could watch me change, day by day for the two months I was in the hospital. As they worked their way through the book you could watch each of their jaws open a little farther with each passing page, from the shock at what they were seeing. On the last page, they both looked up at me, then back at the book and then back at me.

“I think you’re going to have to stand in line to kill my brother, Toni.” Cindy told me, not looking to happy about things. “That little shit never told me any of this. Not that it would have mattered. But here he made me think you were a TS, and you’re really a woman.”

“So you aren’t disturbed by any of this.” I asked and felt Sarah grab my hand for support.

“I’m more disturbed that my brother didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth.” she told me with a smile. “Now I know why he was so cryptic when I was asking him about what kind of player you were.”

“I’m just a skater who is willing to sacrifice my body do keep the puck out of my team’s net.”

“No, you're just a skater who hits harder than any NHL player I’ve ever skated with.” Tracy piped in, which caused us all to giggle.

“Well, I think you’re safe from those hits now. Just remember, if you’re tied up in the corner, and you hear me yell, hit the deck, because it’s not going to be pretty.”

“I think you’re pretty.” Sarah finally broke her silence, and kissed me on the cheek.

My wife to be, and I headed for home, and I started to pack. Our first road trip started tomorrow, and I was going to be skating in my first “real” game since college almost ten years ago. We’d be skating against the LA Queens, and part of me couldn’t help but laugh at the fact of that name probably being better suited for a team in the San Francisco LGBT league. But they are the women’s semi pro franchise of the LA Kings, so I knew the game was going to be a tough one, as there was no love lost between the two organizations.

They’d both met last season in the first round of the playoffs, and after the fight that took place during the warmup skate, the Hot Flash only had one line to play the whole game with. The other thirteen women on the team had received three game suspensions each, for fighting. So needless to say The Queens swept the Hot Flash, in their best of five series. I knew there was still bad blood when there was a package sitting in the locker room after our last practice. Stacy opened the box to find a Ken̈) doll dressed in a Hot Flash jersey, and a skirt. The note in the box said, “Look out queer. Stay off our ice.”

Now I probably don’t need to say this, but I was shaken at the fact that these women had taken the time to not only threaten me, but someone had sewn up a replica jersey and sent me my first doll. I’d never owned one as a kid, yet, here I was with my own. Although be it a twisted representation of me. I knew I was biologically a woman, but for all intense and purposes, most of the team and the rest of the league viewed me as a trans-gender hockey player. I was a bit apprehensive about going to the game, but Tracy assured me that if they tried anything with me, they’d have to answer to her. So it made me feel a bit better, since she’s a bit bigger, and a whole lot more, if you’ll pardon the phrase, ‘butch’ than I am. Perhaps the other team wouldn’t give me too much shit in the game.

On the bus ride, I placed a call to Jen and told her that I’d leave five tickets in her name at “Will Call” for the game the following night. Since it would be good to have at least one person in the crowd that wouldn’t be booing my good plays and cheering when I got hit.

Once we checked into our hotel, as a team, we all went to dinner at a little place Stacy knew from when she went to college at UCLA. It wasn’t much to write home about, since it was supposed to be an Italian restaurant, and the food tasted more like what you’d find in a can at the supermarket. On the way back to the hotel, I wanted to stop at a news stand and picked up a couple of things to read.

I saw a picture of Jen on the cover of one of the local rags, and picked that up, along with a motorsports engineering magazine that I used to read when I was working in racing. Once back in my room, I started to read and was shocked that my friend was being lampooned in this rag.

“... I for one find it appalling that people in the public eye still choose to drive gas guzzling beasts. Take for instance Hollywood darling Jen Stevens, and our own Governor ‘Muscle Head’, they have been seen driving the worst offenders in the automotive industry, the Hummer H1. Ms. Stevens also is known to take weekend pleasure trips down the PCH in her Dodge Viper.

We as citizens of the Great State of California, should let these eco-offenders know that we will not stand for their gross disregard for the environment. There should be a boycott of any project Ms. Stevens is involved with, and Governor ‘Muscle Head’ needs to be impeached.”

I knew that this was the nonsensical rambling of a deranged lunatic tree hugging hippy wanna-be, but Jen is my friend, and I knew that I had to do something to help her out. I was trying to figure out what, when I came across an article in the latest ‘Racing Engineer’, that told of how normal cars and trucks could be converted to E85 Ethanol. As I read the piece, I saw that it wasn’t that hard to convert a car over, so that would help solve the problem with the Viper, but since her Hummer was diesel powered, I’d have to come up with something else.

The next article I read was about Hydrogen Fuel Cell vehicles. The piece went on to say that LA had the greatest number of refueling stations of anywhere in the country, and that a company out of Santa Fe was producing them just as fast as the orders came in. I saw that the whole operation wasn’t that difficult to do, just do an engine swap, plumb the new fuel lines, and swap out the engine control unit. The company claimed that they produced horsepower level on par with most normal diesel engines and could be pumped up even higher, yet still retain the fuel efficiency of a four-cylinder. I had a plan of attack, now all I needed was to get Jen to agree. I mean, it’s the least I could do, since she’s been there to help show me that just because my body has changed, doesn’t mean that my life has to be any less fulfilling.

We all headed to the arena early, so we could try to avoid any possible problems. Judging from the package the team got, or should I say I received, that was addressed to the team, there could be an issue with either the fans, the other team, or both. I put on my headphones and tried to push that all out of my mind while I listened to some Dropkick Murphy’s. Their song “Time To Go” has always gotten me up for a hockey game, and it seemed fitting since our ‘away’ jerseys were about a perfect match to the song.

“Go, go, Black and Gold!
Old time hockey, bar the door,
Clear the track, it’s all out war.
Light the lamp, throw the hit,
Black and Gold, never quit.”

Once out on the ice for the opening skate, you could feel the tension between the two squads. I’ve seen some rivalries from the different teams I’ve played with in rugby, but this seemed more like we were about to go to war, as opposed to play a game. Tracy and I took our spots on the bench since the coach was putting in the ‘agility’ line, as she called it, first. That meant Cindy, Stephanie, Beth, Tina, and Sasha would start out for us. There was almost a fight before the puck drop, but both teams held out, until that hard black disk hit the ice.

Once that happened, Cindy, Beth, Tina, and Sasha were knocked down and that left Stephanie to try to break up a five on one break away. Our only saving grace was having Stacy in the net. She made a quick glove save and you could hear the ‘BOO-birds’ show up in earnest. After having a replay of the opening face off, followed by an icing call against us, when Stephanie cleared the puck, the coach tapped Tracy and me on the shoulders and told us to end this. We both looked at one another and I couldn’t help but smile when I saw that look in her eyes that I know I get when it becomes ‘hitting time.’

Helga, Bridget, Mary, Tracy and I went out and got ready for a few minutes of fun. On the drop of the puck, I elbowed the girl I was standing next to, right in the jaw, and saw her hit the ice. With no whistle, the play went on, but I could still see her laying there. Helga was able to tie up one of their girls in the corner with the puck, and I signaled Tracy for a double hit. She and I started at the two in the corner struggling for the puck.

‘SEX WITH BANSHEES!’ I shouted at Helga, who knew from watching Cindy to fall to the ice.

Tracy and I somehow managed to time it just right, because we both hit the poor girl from the other team at the exact same time. Her helmet came off, and she went down like a sack of wet mush. That was when all hell broke loose. Both benches cleared, and it became ‘go time’, for both teams.

One girl tried to swing her stick at me, but I quickly yanked her off her skates, and had mounted her, almost like a UFC fighter. After the first couple of punches, I broke through her face shield and her face started catching the full force of my blows. Someone yanked me off her, and before I could react, I caught a handful of punches to the jaw. But that soon ended when I clotheslined the girl and helped her lay down on the ice. She looked tired, so I thought I'd help her out by giving her a little nap.

I looked up and saw that Cindy was getting doubleteamed by two of the bigger girls on the other team, so I went to help her out. Apparently Tracy had the same idea, as we each grabbed one of them and squared off like a classic hockey fight. The girl I was with, made a grab for me, and I quickly brushed her off, shoved her head down and pulled the back of her jersey up over her head. By the time the refs got to me, I had only landed a few punches, but that was enough for them.

Tracy and I both received fifteen minute majors for fighting, while a handful of the other team was ejected completely. I wasn’t happy having to sit in the penalty box to watch the remainder of the period, and I made my frustration known as I threw both my helmet and my stick at the glass on my way in. The only good thing about it all, was the other team knew we weren't going to take their shit anymore, so the rest of the period went pretty clean.

With about a minute left before intermission, I heard a tap on the glass. I really didn’t want to deal with any rabid fans at this point, so I grabbed my stick and turned to face whoever was trying to get my attention. To my pleasant surprise, it was Jen, and I quickly lightened my mood up. She smiled and got into a play fighting stance, which caused both Tracy and me to crack up laughing. To watch a classy, beautiful woman like Jen stand there, trying to do her best imitation of Mohammad Ali was pretty funny. I saw her mouth the words, “I’ll see you after the game.” I nodded back to her, as both the period and our penalty minutes were up.

Back in the locker room, the coach was happy that we finally got some retaliation on the other team. Her joy was short lived, as the officials, and the league president came in to talk with her. After what looked like a spirited discussion, in the office, coach came back out and looked at me with a snarlk of disdain on her face.

“Toni, you need to go see the league doctor,” she told me.

“For what? I didn’t even get a scratch on me in that fight,” I asked in confusion.

“Just come with me, Miss,” the league president told me. So I did, having no real choice otherwise.

Once I was in the trainer’s room, I was told that the other coach had filed a protest, saying that I wasn’t really a woman. I just let out a sigh, and shook my head. The doctor preformed a series of tests on me, including an MRI of my lower body, numerous x-rays, and my personal favorite, “Can you put your legs in these stirrups for me?”

Once I was dressed again, she let the president back in, and they went over the images of the MRI, and x-rays. The doctor told him that I was a complete, and healthy woman, and that she saw no reason for me to not be able to play. He nodded, and I went back out the tunnel to sit with Patty, our back up goalie. The game was pretty much over by then, but I still wanted to be close, incase anything happened. When the final horn sounded, we had won, 6 to 0, and the “BOO-birds” were flying high as we left the ice. Once back in the locker room, the doctor showed back up and handed me a folder.

“Go a head and keep this with you.” she told me. “It’s a copy of every test we did today, and a signed affidavit from me, saying that you are with out a doubt a biological female. I’m sure the other coaches in the league are going to try the same thing, since there is a rumor out there that you used to be a guy.”

I didn’t say a word, I just nodded and shook her hand. I gave the folder to the coach, and she added it to her briefcase, as I went back to get dressed.

On the way out of the locker room, I saw Jen standing there, with a grin on her face, as she saw me. “Still don’t think you can hold your own, do you?” she said with a slight giggle in her voice.

“So how were your seats?” I asked her, quickly changing the subject.

“They were fine. Perfect in fact, to watch you go all UFC on the other team.”

“Yeah, well, that’s what an enforcer does.”

“You held your own, but why weren’t you out for the second or third periods?”

“The other coach protested.” I sighed

“What, about the fight?”

“No, he didn’t think I was a real woman.”

“So where were you?” she asked, a bit puzzled.

“The league doctor gave me a complete physical, complete with MRI, and x-rays.”

“Don’t they have to take you to the hospital for that?”

“No, most NHL arenas have the equipment to do those on site. It saves time that way.” I told her shaking my head.

“What’s wrong? You passed. right?”

“Yeah, Jen, I passed. But that’s part of my problem.”

“How’s that now?”

“For the first time since I started playing hockey, I got reminded that I’m a woman. When I was out on the ice, it felt like old times, but that all came crashing down.”

“Look, your hiding from yourself isn’t healthy. I know it’s hard sometimes, but you need to face this head on,” she told me, as she put her hand on my shoulder. “You are a strong woman Toni. Stronger than you think you are. You don’t necessarily have to like it, but you do need to accept that you are a woman now.”

“Thanks Jen, I really needed this,” I told her with a hug.

“It’s alright, now come on, let's go get something to eat.”

I knew my team wouldn’t be leaving to head back to Santa Fe, until the next day, so that would leave me free to spend some time with Jen. As we left the arena and headed to the parking lot, I caught sight of the truck from the article so I thought it would be as good a time as any to bring up my ideas to her.

“Did you read the story they did on you in Entertainment Weekly?” I asked her bluntly.

“The one where they call for a boycott of my work if I don’t change my cars?” she asked me back.

“Yeah, that’s the one. I have an idea if you’re game.”

“Alright, shoot.”

“Well, the easy one is convert your Viper over to E85. The one that’s a bit more in-depth, is to convert this beast over to Hydrogen fuel cells.”

“I don’t know of any shops that can do that around here.” she told me back.

“I can do it for you,” I told her confidently.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah Jen, why not? All I’d need to do would be re-map the fuel injection on the Viper, and then clean out your fuel lines, and you’re good to go.”

"Could the Viper burn any combination of gas or E85 like my Caravan back in Syracuse?"

"It can be set up that way. It's all in the engine computer configuration."

“Alright, that’s one down, but what about my tank?” she asked me patting the dash of the Hummer.

“Well, that one will take a bit longer to do. I’d have to swap out the engine, then fab up some new mounts for the fuel cell motor, change the plumbing of the fuel lines, and then swap out the computer.”

"What about refueling it? Will I have problems getting the hydrogen easily?"

"The LA area should be okay but I'm not certain about other areas. There's a lot of interest in the technology though. Maybe the better alternative is a hybrid that uses a diesel engine. Diesel fuel is common and we can re-use the normal fuel tank."

"Could you make it use bio-diesel too? Like vegetable oil?"

"Yup. In fact you use a bit of normal diesel fuel to get the engine started then switch over to the bio-diesel after the engine warms up."

"Good, I won't have any problems then if I take it on a longer trip and can't easily get the bio-diesel anywhere."

"Okay, a diesel hybrid that can use bio-diesel fuel is what you'll get."

“So could you do it before spring?”

“I can have the Viper done in a weekend. This beast is going to take a little more time, but I should be able to have it done by then, provided a company I read about that makes some conversion parts can get me what I need right away. I'm not certain is anyone has converted a Hummer before so it might be an all-custom job. So what’s going on in the spring?”

“I’ll be shooting at the Spa I told you about near Santa Fe and I don’t want to have to waste studio money flying there then renting a car.”

“You know, you should just get a motorcycle. They’re great on gas.” I told her with a giggle.

“Can’t, it’s against my contract with the studio. They consider that to be “Partaking in a Dangerous Act.” And they’d sue me if I ever hurt myself on one.”
“Fair enough. So when can you get me the Viper? The sooner I get started on that, the sooner I can get it done, and then start on this beast.”

“What’s your schedule look like?”

“Well, the team’s leaving tomorrow morning, and heading back on the bus. Then we have a week off, before we have Dallas at home. Why?”

“Wanna take the Viper home with you?” she asked me with a grin.

“I’d love to, but it’s probably not a good idea.”

“Why’s that?” she asked, looking confused a bit.

“Because I’d probably break out in a matching pair of silver bracelets attached with a lovely chrome chain.”

“Handcuffs? Why?”

“I’ve been known to have a bit of a lead foot,” I told her with a giggle.

“Well, just follow the bus, and you’ll be fine.”

“I make no guarantees.” I told her.

“Come on, Gertie has a stew on. I told her I’d be bringing you for dinner. After we eat, I’ll show you how to get back to the hotel.”

“Alright, I can probably have it back to you next weekend.”

“You’re sure that the Viper is going to be the easier one to do?”

“Piece of cake,” I told her as we pulled up to her place. And much like the house in NY, it too was out in the middle of nowhere.

“Actually I think Gertie mentioned something about baking a cake, too.” she told me with a grin, and I busted out laughing.

To be continued.

Jennifer Stevens appears courtesy of Bob Arnold, all rights reserved. Copyright 2002-2008 ©

Warning, the following chapter contains very technical writing. You have now been warned, and I don't want any comments or PM's about that fact. ENJOY the chapter for what it is. A STORY! Becoming Antonia Part 25. Written by Toni Trepasso Edited by Holly Logan, with my many thanks to her.

---

 

I can honestly say that the coolest streetcar I’ve ever driven, so far, is Jen’s Viper. It’s almost better than sex. ALMOST. To know that you have five hundred horsepower, and five hundred foot-pounds of torque at the beck and call of your right foot is the single most exhilarating feeling I’ve ever had. Lucky for me, I remembered Jen’s advice on the ride back to Santa Fe from the hotel. I followed the bus. Though I found myself wanting nothing more than to open that V-10 up and see what it could do, I held back and just cruised along at 70 behind the team bus.

Once home, I got after converting the Viper over to ‘Flex-Fuel’. Basically that means that it could run on anything from pure alcohol, (either methanol, or ethanol), pump gas, E85, which consists of a mix of ethanol with pump gas, right on up to pure racing gas. As luck would have it, as I was researching to see if anyone had done this before, I saw online that my old buddy Karl Jacobs had started a company for just this sort of thing. SVS*, had a system specifically designed to le the Dodge Viper to run with “flex-fuel” capabilities. Being as I hadn’t talked to Karl since my accident, I sent him and e-mail and told him that a friend of mine had asked me to convert her Viper over for her. I didn’t want to talk with him on the phone, since I didn’t sound like the guy he knew from racing.

He shot me back an e-mail with a price list, and I sent him one that said I’d take the complete system with the twin turbo upgrade. I know I didn’t run this by Jen, but something told me that she’d love to have the extra power. The turbo kit bumped the already potent engine up to just shy of a thousand horsepower, and just over a thousand foot-pounds of torque. Talk about tire shredding!

However, even with the necessity of having to increase the fuel flow for the alcohol, it still got fuel mileage comparable to most six-cylinder engines, due in part to the computer control that cuts flow to some cylinders when the demand for power isn’t needed.

By the end of the week, I had everything from SVS at the house, and by Sunday afternoon, I had hidden the turbo’s in place of the stock mufflers, and had the computers swapped out. Once I test fired the engine, on racing methanol, in my garage, I couldn’t resist taking it out just to see if there was really a difference in the power. I;d thought it was a kick in the pants before, but I had no idea what was in store for me when I flogged the throttle peddle. From a rolling start, I hit it, and was immediately thrown back in my seat as the car rocketed forward. That was enough for me. It’s one thing to do something like this on a race track, but here I was on some back-roads in the desert. The last thing I needed was to do something stupid, and wreck the car. Hell, no one would find me for days out here. I headed back to the house and got cleaned up for the trip to change cars with Jen.

I did make a little detour first. I'd called Jen’s house to ask Gertie if she knew what size head Jen had. She told me what the band on a hat read. Then after thanking her, and asking her not to tell Jen, I called, I got a hold of a guy I knew that did custom airbrush work in the area. He told me that he had a helmet in that size, and he could have the paint done in about an hour. On the way over to pick up the helmet, I called Jen’s cell and told her I’d start out in the morning to drop off her car. A little bit later, she called back and told me that she’d set it up so security at the movie lot would let me in. This freaked me out a bit, since Jen was the only movie star I’d ever met, but something told me she wasn’t going to be the last.

I have to tell you, as hard as it was on the way home with the car, it was much easier on the way back to control my speed. I guess scaring yourself half to death will do that to you. By mid-afternoon I was pulling up to the gate at the movie lot, and the look on the guard's face was priceless.

“Can I help you, Miss?” he asked, looking over the car.

“Yes sir, I’m here to drop off Ms. Stevens’ car to her.”

“Name?”

“Toni Trepasso.”

“Trespasso... Trespaseo....” he said looking at his clip board. “Nope, not on the list.”

“Repeat after me, TREE- PASS- OH” I told him sternly. “There’s no extra “S”.

He shot me a look of contempt, and looked again. “I ain’t got no Toni Trespaseo on this list.”

“Hold on, Cojack,” I told him as I grabbed my cell. I called Jen, and to my luck, she picked up. “Hey Jen, it’s Toni. I’m at the front gate, and Barney Fife here, says I’m not on the list.” She asked to speak to the guard and I smiled at him as I handed him the phone. “It’s for you.”

I can only guess what she actually said to him, but I could watch the color drain from his face, as he held my phone to his ear. Once she was done scolding him, he closed my phone and handed it back to me in a daze.

“Sorry for the inconvenience, Ms. Trepasso.” he told me, getting my name right this time. “Ms. Stevens can be found on lot 9. That’s straight down, last building on your left. You should see her other vehicle parked there.”

“Thank you,” I told him as I put the car back in gear, and headed to find Jen.

Since I had filled the tank just a block or two before I got to the studio, I knew the car was running on mostly E85 by now. On this trip, I’d run a tank of methanol, a tank of premium pump gas, and now a tank of E85. The best part, was there hadn't been so much as a hiccup, as the new computer monitored everything and seamlessly made the transition between the fuels.

By the time I slowly made my way up to Jen’s Hummer, she was already standing by it, waving to me.

“He didn’t give you too much trouble did he?” she asked, making reference to the guard at the gate.

“Nah, just the normal mispronouncing my last name,” I told her with a giggle as she gave me a hug.

“So, how did it go? Am I going to be off of Greenpeace’s wanted list now?”

“You'll probab'y go from their wanted list to the CHP's most wanted list,” I told her as I reached in the trunk of the car and handed her the box I’d picked up from my friend, the air brush artist.

“What’s this?” she asked as she took the box from me.

“Oh, that’s the extra parts I had left over. For some reason they didn’t fit. But don’t worry, the car seems to run alright without them. It only shakes above 20 miles an hour,” I burst out laughing.

“Cute,” she told me with a smirk. “Seriously, what’s this?” she asked, shaking the box.

“Well why don’t you open it and find out, silly girl?”

She opened the box and pulled out the helmet I had painted to match the car, with a mural on the back of clouds and lightning. She looked at the helmet, then looked at me in confusion, then at the car.

“What did you do to my car, Toni?” she finally asked.

“Just converted it over to flex-fuel like you asked. An old racing friend of mine makes the kit, but there is one catch,” I told her, as I tried to hold back a smile.

“What’s the catch?” she asked, a bit leery.

“Well, the kit included a twin turbo setup, and since I don’t have anything I can use that on, I had to put it on your car.”

“You did WHAT?” she about shouted at me.

“I put twin turbos on your car,” I told her as I popped the hood. You could see the inter-cooler and the waste gates, but she looked all over the engine bay for the turbos. After a couple of minutes of looking, with no luck, she finally asked me what I’d done with them, so I pulled out a mirror with a telescopic handle and positioned it under where the mufflers usually sit. The look on her face was priceless as she saw I wasn’t messing with her. I really had put twin turbos on her Viper.

“I know I’m probably going to regret asking this, but how stout is this thing now?” she asked, shaking her head.

“About double,” I told her, sheepishly.

“Double what?” she asked.

“Double the horsepower, and double the torque,” I said, looking at the ground and kicking at it, like I’d seen my friend’s daughters do when they were getting scolded.

“Wasn’t the idea to make this more eco-friendly?” she asked with a smirk of confusion.

“It is. I made the entire trip on two tanks of fuel.”

“You ... what?”

“I made the trip back out here on two tanks of fuel, Jen.”

“How could you make it on two tanks? Didn’t you tell me it was a five tank trip when you were following the bus?”

“That’s the beauty of the system. The new computer cuts fuel and spark to some of the cylinders when the power isn’t needed. You’re only on all ten when you really gag the throttle. Other than that, it’s usually on somewhere between four and eight.” I told her.

“So I’ll still have plenty of power, but I’ll also have the economy of a smaller car?” she asked to make sure she was following me.

“Exactly.” I said, beaming with pride.

“I can’t wait to see what you have planned for the Hummer,” she told me with a giggle.

“Oh, I have some parts already on the way to my house.”

“You aren’t going to tell me, are you?” she asked with a grin.

“Well, just know that I have some tricks up my sleeve.”

“Alright, but I still want to know what the helmet is for,” she told me, holding it up and looking at the artwork.

“I took the car out for a shakedown run and scared the shit out of myself.”

“Doing what?” she asked me.

“I gagged the throttle, and the car took off like it had a rocket strapped to it.” Looking up, I was met with a grin of excitement.

“Well, come on, let’s head for home, and we can take it out after dinner,” she told me as she started to climb into the Viper.

“HOLD IT!” I said to her, as I grabbed her arm. “I’ll drive this one. You forget, I’m still not sure how to get to your house here. You drive the Hummer, and I’ll drive this one. At least that way I know I can keep up with you.”

“You’re no fun.” she said with a fake pout.

She led me back to her house, with me in the Viper, and her in the Hummer. After another great meal with Gertie, I could tell Jen was itching to take her new toy out and see what it could really do, so I handed her, her helmet, and grabbed mine from the trunk, and strapped into the new five point racing harness I’d added, in place of the stock seatbelts. She fired it up, and after letting the oil pressure get up to where it should be, she revved the engine, and you could hear the faint sound of the turbos, just barely audible over the roar of the powerful V-10 engine. I’d already strapped on my helmet, and as she looked at me through the open visor on hers, I gave her a nod.

She eased out onto the road near her house, that if I didn’t know any better, and I didn’t, I’d have guessed was the world famous Mulholland Drive, which has a series of twist and turns more like you’d find in Germany on the Nurburgring*, than a public road in Southern California. She handled that car like a seasoned race car driver, which I must say I found a bit surprising. To look at Jen, you’d never see her as someone who could handle that much power with that level of control.

Once she’d finished scaring the crap out of me on that mountainous stretch of road, she shut the car off once we were safely back at her house. I found I had to literally pry my hand off of the “oh shit” handle built into the door, since I’d had a death grip on it since we’d started. I looked over and saw that she had her helmet off and was looking at the gas gauge with a puzzled look on her face.

“That can’t be right.” I heard her say as I pulled off my brain bucket.

“What’s wrong?”

“I think the gas gauge is busted,” she told me as she tapped on the instrument cluster. “It was full when we left, and it says there is still three quarters of a tank left. That trip usually only leaves a quarter of a tank.”

“That’s the beauty of the system I put in,” I told her with a smile that couldn’t be hidden. “Whenever you aren’t on the throttle, the computer saves fuel by cutting off injectors and spark from however many cylinders it doesn’t take to keep the engine running.”

“Wow! If this doesn’t change some minds about me caring about the environment, nothing will,” she told me as she reached over to give me a hug.

There was one question I just had to ask her. "Where did you learn how to drive like that?

"Well, back when I was a guy, I used to work at a dirt track. I did the timing and sound systems. Part of what I did was to drive a car around the track to test the timing loops. I've been in a few sprint cars and a World of Outlaws car or three. I even raced a modified for a while. Those days are long gone, though."

"I imagine the studios would shit a brick if they knew."

"Oh, they know alright. I've been given a script about a woman racing in NASCAR. Looks like I might be in Daytona for a while in a year or so. I might even be doing my own driving in some of the close-ups on the in-car camera when they start filming."

"Really?"

"If the producer and I can reach an agreement on how much I'm getting, that is."

"That's fantastic, Jen. Could I visit you and watch some of the filming? It would be great to be back around racing again."

An evil grin spread across her face. "Maybe I can do better than that, Toni. How about I get you a role in the picture?"

"WHAT?"

"You heard me, Missy! Want to sit on top of the pit box? There's a part for a female crew chief available. I think you'd be incredible in the role."

"But I don't know anything about acting!"

"But you do know about mechanics and racing, Toni. Just be you. That's all you need to do."

"I don't know what to say, Jen."

"How about 'Yes' All I can do is get you a screen test with the director. After that it's all up to you. At least think it over. You've got some time to decide."

We both decided that since it was late, I’d sleep in one of her guest rooms, and head back to my place with her Hummer in the morning. Before I left with the truck, she told me that she’d be calling a few people she knew who did some writing for different car magazines, and have them do some articles on the car, and what I’d done to it. I told her it might be as good an idea as any to get some positive press for once. We hugged, and I headed back east to get started on the Hummer.

I knew I was going to have my work cut out for me, but I knew of a couple of companies that made a few trick pieces to help improve gas mileage on trucks like this. I’d already placed an order with a company out of Santa Fe that told me they made a system to convert the Hummer over to a Bio-diesel hybrid. I also placed a call to a company in England that makes what’s called a “regenerative braking system*” What that does is take some of the energy from normal driving, and spins up a fly wheel. Then when you take off from a stop, it uses the spinning fly wheel to help get the vehicle moving again. They’ve been using it in some race cars, to help launch the car out of the corners better, but some of the big truck manufacturers have been putting it in their trucks to help ease the strain put on the engine when hauling a heavy load.

Once I had all the parts at my place I got to work tearing down the truck so I could attack each part I had to change. The drive train went pretty smooth. I knew I was going to have to do some fabrication work to mount the electric generators and motors, but with a little cutting and massaging, it was good to go. The only issue came when I had to find a place to put the batteries.

I’d been wracking my brain trying to figure out where to hide them so anyone looking wouldn’t know they were there. Then on the way to one of the games, Cindy came up with the idea of hiding them under the seats. The rear seats could be changed, and I could build new ones to house the ten lithium-metal hydride batteries. Cindy even gave me a hand with it, since Sarah was getting closer by the day to giving birth, and Dad just didn’t have the dexterity in his hands to be able to safely help.

On the day we got the housings done, Dad came racing into the garage, and told me, “IT”S TIME!” It took me a moment to realize he was saying Sarah was having the baby. I grabbed my keys and off we went to the hospital. I know I was a bundle of nerves, but I tried to stay calm to help my fiancée. I stayed in the delivery room with her and, although she called me every name in the book, I had all I could do not to laugh when I saw the doctors and nurses looking at her funny when she pronounced that I would never be allowed to touch her again.

She gave birth just after midnight on December 16th, and I can’t think of a better birthday present anyone could ever give me, than the beautiful boy she brought into the world. At the point where I first saw my son you could have told me my ass was on fire and I probably wouldn’t have cared. I was there for the birth of my child and I’d never leave him. I knew I would always make sure that my son knew he was loved, and he and his mother both knew they were the most important things in my life.

I took a couple of weeks off from playing hockey to be able to look after my son and his mother when they came home from the hospital. I didn’t want either of them getting sick or tired, so I did everything I could to wait on the two of them hand and foot. I even got up to feed Patrick Junior, so his mom could sleep through the night.

A funny thing happened though. After about a week of getting up and feeding him, I started to notice my breasts were swollen. I didn’t really give it much thought until I found the front of my t-shirt wet one morning when I heard him crying. I pushed it out of my mind long enough to give him his bottle and get him back to sleep, but I made myself a note to get looked at.

I chose to err on the side of caution and went to the doctor I’d found in Santa Fe. She ended up doing all sorts of test on me, including ‘milking’ my breasts to see what was happening. Come to find out, I was experiencing was what most ‘wet nurses’ go through. Because I was doing motherly duties for my son, my body’s metabolism was tricked, for lack of a better term, into thinking I was the baby’s mother. Thus I was lactating right along with Sarah. I made sure the doctor tested my milk thoroughly, and we found out that there was nothing different with my milk than with Sarah’s. She was elated when she found out that we no longer needed to buy formula, but I, however, was a bit nervous.

I’d gone with her to the classes she took to learn how to do it right, but I'd never thought I’d need to actually put what I’d learned to use. It wasn’t all bad, though. Pat was gaining weight at a rate of a couple of pounds a week, and when we took him to the doctor for a checkup we were told that he was growing fast. Not abnormally fast, but on the fast side of normal. The pediatrician told us that he wasn’t getting fat, he was building muscle and to not be surprised if he could move on his own shortly, which he did a week later. When I found him crawling across the floor, going after the teddy bear my dad had given him, Sarah was on the phone with her sister and hadn’t noticed until I said something to her.

It was January before I got Jen’s Hummer back from the shop I was having do the upholstery job. All I had left was to put all the new running gear back in and get to work on the suspension modifications she'd asked for.

I’d figured that since she was going to be doing most of her driving on-road, I’d focus on that aspect first. Some air ride suspension would help this beast in the turns, and also be able to help handle the extra power and extra weight the new drive-train would provide. That was the easy part. However, she'd also asked me to make it so it would have full off-road capabilities at the flip of a switch. That proved to be a bit of a challenge, but not impossible.

I had found that a new company out of Baja California made electro-magnetically actuated sway bar releases. They proved invaluable in allowing the suspension to have the “flex” that every off-roader wants. After I ordered a set for the front and a set for the rear, I got to looking at the setup, and ordered two more sets of each. What I did with these was use one set to disconnect the air-bags from the suspension, and the other set to suck the bag into the frame to get it out of the way. All it took was bit of milling on the magnets, and I had it working by the end of the month. I couldn’t think of a better time to test it out, so I went out behind the house we were renting since our new one was still about a month away from being livable, and drove it up the mountain we were at the base of.

The suspension handled flawlessly as I made my way up and then back down the steep face of the rock. One test down, one to go. I flipped the switch that controlled the magnets, and felt the truck instantly squat, and the ride firmed up as I made my way out to the road. Once on the smooth blacktop, I hammered the throttle, and the truck took off with more power than it'd had before. It still wasn’t like driving the Viper, but it had more guts than a standard Hummer.

I took the switchbacks that surround the area I was living in, and found that the large, cumbersome Hummer was able to handle the curves just as well, if not better, than Sarah’s car, which I have to tell you was a bit of a shock, since I’d just used it to climb an off-road trail that most people wouldn’t attempt with a rock-crawler, let alone a street vehicle.

I just couldn’t help myself, I had to know what kind of numbers this baby was making at the wheels, so I headed to a shop I knew that had a chassis dynamometer. Once strapped down, the numbers were off the chart compared to the stock Hummer they had on site. I knew Jen would be pleased with the results, and truth be told, it felt good to get my hands dirty again. That was the one thing I’d been missing over the months since I’d changed.

A quick call to Jen, and I let her know that her truck was locked, cocked, and ready to rock. I asked if she had received any packages recently, and she told me that she got one in the other day, but she didn’t know what it was. I explained that I’d ordered her a Bio-Diesel Refining Still, so she could make her own fuel. This got her excited, since she knew she could send Gertie out to the different restaurants in the area, and get the used oil from their fryers for little or no money. At the same time, she’d basically be able to cut her dependence on fossil fuels. The other thing I suggested was ordering another still the company made, so she could make her own Ethanol. She wasn’t too keen on that idea, since she really didn’t have anyplace to store the corn that would be needed for that.

Once again, I left for LA before dawn, and found myself only having to fuel up a couple of times on the way back out there. It had been a ten tank trip to get the truck to my house, but after I’d added the new computer for the engine and some computer controlled compression reliefs, the engine now had the power of a larger engine, with the fuel economy of the smallest of economy cars.

I pulled into the movie studio in the mid-afternoon, and like the last time, the guard began giving me shit about getting in. This was a different guard than last time, but everything got cleared up when the other guard showed up and cleared me to go in. Apparently he had told Jen I was there, because she was again waiting in the parking area, leaning against the Viper as I pulled up.

“Well? I take it this has more tricks than a show dog now too, right?” she asked with a giggle and a hug.

“I think you could say that,” I told her with a wink.

“Alright, what did you do to this one?” she asked as she looked it over.

“First, it has a new computer, so you can run this one on bio-diesel, or normal diesel. I also added the electric motors you asked for, and they get their juice from either the running engine or the batteries, or both. Besides having ten lithium-metal-hydride batteries, there are ten high output short term storage units that will deliver a full jolt of half a gigawatt when the vehicle is starting from a dead stop. That will allow the engine to work less, and save fuel. Also, the computer I installed controls a series of compression reliefs that will allow the engine to run on less cylinders, by cutting the fuel to some when the demand on the engine isn’t that high, just like the Viper.” I showed her under the hood of the truck. “Oh, and I can’t forget the Regenerative Braking System.”

“What does THAT do?”

“It stores power in a flywheel under deceleration, and then releases it under acceleration.”

“Nice, but what are these extra lines running here?” she asked, pointing to the new injector nozzles I'd installed.

“Oh, those are for the fun part of the truck,” I giggled.

“What did you do?” she asked with a smirk, shaking her head.

“I added nitrous-oxide, and propane injection.”

“You what?” she asked with raised eyebrows.

“Nitrous-oxide, and propane injection. Both of those are set up on a switch that activates when the throttle is at full open.”

“I know about Nitrous, but what does the propane do?”

“Well, basically the same thing. Diesel engines can run on just about anything, and liquid propane is just adding fuel to the fire, so to speak.”

“I know I’m going to kick myself for asking, but do you have any idea what this thing is putting out now?” she asked.

I handed her the printout I'd received from the dyno run, and saw her face light up a bit when she saw the numbers. Once I let the shock wear off a bit, I brought her to the inside, and showed her the tricks I'd done with the suspension.

“Just flip this switch, and watch what happens,” I told her as I started up the truck for her.

She did as I asked, and you could watch the truck take a bit more aggressive stance as the magnetic pieces did their jobs. I pointed to the loading dock near where we were parked and suggested she drive up it. She gave me a funny look at first, but slowly made her way to the four foot high wall, and put the front tires against it. You could watch the suspension do it’s thing as the rear end squatted, and the front end just drove up the wall. I could see her smiling inside the truck as she continued to drive onto the loading dock, then inside the building. I lost sight of her for a moment inside of the dark studio, but heard the horn blow as I saw the truck drive out of the building, and jump off of the dock. The truck handled the drop with ease, and after she turned back around, she parked next to where I was standing.

“That was cool,” she said with a grin from ear to ear. “But how does it do on-road?”

“Flip that same switch again!”

She did as I said, and you could see, and feel the truck firm up again. It took a moment for the air-bags to inflate, but once they did, you could tell the truck was serious business on the street.

“You want to follow me back to the house?” she asked, pointing to the Viper.

I nodded, and hopped into the Viper. We made our way up the twisty road leading to her place, and I could tell from how hard I had to drive the Viper, that she was really flogging the Hummer to see what it could do.

We made it safely to her house and once there she couldn’t get the smile off her face as she saw the gas gauge in the Hummer was doing the same thing the Viper’s did. With her fuel mileage improved, she should be safe from the Eco-Nazi’s, for now, anyway. After I showed her how to hook up the still, Gertie called us to another great dinner. I jokingly made the comment that if the day ever came that Jen didn’t want her any more, to look me up, I’d take her services in a heartbeat. This caused them both to laugh, since they weren’t really boss/worker, they were friends.

I stayed in one of the guest rooms again, and found myself having trouble breathing in the middle of the night. I woke up with a start, to find Gillie curled up on my pillow, with his tail over my nose. I didn’t want to wake him, so I just brushed the tail away, and went back to sleep. I did, however, have another problem when I went to get dressed in the morning. My slippers were M.I.A. when I went to put them on, so I had to settle for a pair of socks to join Jen and Gertie for breakfast.

“Aren’t your feet cold?” Jen asked me, looking at my socks.

“Yeah, they are, but someone is playing a trick on me.” I looked at her with a smirk, “Alright, Miss Funny Girl, where did you hide my slippers?”

“Was Gillie in your room last night?” she asked, trying to hold back a laugh.

“Yes, but I didn’t really mind that,” I told her. “Where are my slippers, Jen?” I asked almost laughing myself, because this was getting stupid.

“If you look under the bed, you’ll probably find them there. If not, look in the room across the hall. Gillie likes to hide mine there sometimes.”

“Oh, sure, blame the fur-ball, when poor Gillie can’t defend himself to say he didn’t do it.”

“She’s not joking, Miss Toni.” Gertie piped up in Jen’s defense. “He really does like to hide slippers. Why, poor Miss Alexis had hers taken right off her feet while she slept one time.”

“Who’s Alexis?” I asked Jen, not sure if it was a friend from back home, or who it was.

“Oh, just my good friend Alexis Finster.,” she told me with a wink at Gertie.

“Finster?” I asked with a bit of confusion. “Is’t that the real last name of that woman who plays in that detective show based in Boston? What the heck is the name of that show?” I asked out loud to my self.

“Erin Flynn,” Jen told me with a knowing smile.

“Wait a minute. You mean Alexis Eden, is Alexis Finster? She’s the one your cat stole slippers off of?” I asked in shock.

“Of course now you know, I need to kill you now.” Jen told me rather dryly. “You know too much,” which cause her to break out in a giggle.

“You really run in some powerful circles, Jen,” I told her with a smirk of sadness. “I feel honored just to know you.”

“Hey, what’s with the long face?” she asked, as she put her hand under my chin to raise it up.

“I just feel like I don’t really belong.” I told her.

“Belong where?” she asked confused.

“Here.” I told her. “With you ... in this house. I mean, you’re a movie actress, slash director, slash producer. You hang out with big Hollywood stars, and I’m just a mechanic from Syracuse.”

“No, you’re a Hockey player from Santa Fe, who saved my bacon with the Eco-Nazis,” she told me sternly. “You have some great talents, Toni. No one was willing to take on the challenge of converting my Hummer for me. You not only did that, but you improved my Viper, so I won’t catch as much flack about driving that, either.”

“I was just trying to help,” I told her sheepishly.

“I’m serious. West Coast Customs, GAS, and Chip Foose, all turned me down when I asked if it could be done. But you went and proved them wrong,” she told me, as she pulled me into a friendly hug. “You did what they said couldn’t be done.”

“You aren’t going to go all Jerry Reed on me now are you?” I asked with sniffle and a giggle.

“No, I’ve never really been a big fan of Smokey and the Bandit. Now Jerry Reed on the other hand, put out some great music.” she told me, joining my giggle. “Look. I’m just a regular girl, just like you.”

“Yeah, right.” I told her. “You’re just a regular girl who owns her own company and produces her own movies. And, I might point out, you direct and have hosted, Around Midnight.”

“And?” she asked.

“And what?” I asked, thinking I’d forgotten something.

“And you think that makes me any better than you?”

“Well, you are more successful than I am.”

“You’re just starting out. Give it a month or so. Once word gets out about what you did for me, you’ll probably have to start your own business, and hire a bunch of people just to keep up with the demand for custom conversions,” she told me with a smile.

“Seriously?” I asked in shock.

“Yeah. I know a lot of people who’ve been looking to have done what you did for me.”

“I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Why not?” she asked.

“Because I only did yours to help you out as a friend. I don’t know if I can handle running a business.”

“You’ll do fine,” she told me confidently.

“I know fuck all about running a business, Jen.”

“Well, maybe I can help you find someone to keep things in order for you.”

“I’ll think about it,” I told her as I caught sight of the clock. “I should probably be getting on the road. Can you drop me off at the bus station?” I asked her.

“For what?” she asked me.

“How am I going to get home?”

“The studio jet, but that isn’t until tomorrow,” she told me.

“Why tomorrow?” I asked her a bit confused now.

“Because we have an interview to do with the folks from Peterson Publishing.”

“What? The folks that own Hot Rod Magazine?” I asked her.

“That and 4x4,” she told me proudly. “I called them and they want to do a piece on both my cars.”

“So what do you need me for?”

“You’re the one who did the modifications, so you can answer any questions they have,” she told me with a smile.

“You’re the boss. Just as long as I don’t have to pose in a bikini.” That caused both of us to giggle.

"I can just see it now. Calendars of you in assorted bikinis posing with tools and fast cars on the wall of every auto parts and repair shop in the country. A sexy calendar girl that really knows her equipment!"

To be continued.

Jen Stevens appears courteously of Bob Arnold. All rights reserved. ©

*Nurburgring; A race track in Germany that consists of 175 turns.

Warning, the following chapter contains very technical writing. You have now been warned, and I don't want any comments or PM's about that fact. ENJOY the chapter for what it is. A STORY! Becoming Antonia Part 26. Written by Toni Trepasso Edited by Holly Logan, with my many thanks to her.

---

 

I followed Jen to Willow Springs, a race track near her house that has both a road course, and an off road track, to meet with Holly Hart from Peterson Publishing. I’ve read her articles in Hot Rod, and found that she is pretty much a straight shooter, when it comes to what’s going on with the cars she covers. Jen and I both dressed in jeans and polo style shirts for the shoot that the magazines, and once again, with her in the Hummer and me in the Viper, I found I had a much harder time than I should have, following her. Not really a surprise, since she knew the area, and the truck she was driving was about as stout in the drive train as the one Robby Gordon races in the Baja race.

Once we rolled up to the track, we parked near a brand new Dodge truck that had a “Peterson” sticker on the door. There were two women standing by it, and I have to say I was a bit shocked by that. I knew Holly was bringing a photographer with her, but usually you find that most of the people in this field are males. Not to say that there aren’t a good number of women, nor that they can’t do as good, if not a better job than most of the men. But it’s not every day that you see a two woman team like this working for a car magazine. I just got out and hung back a bit, while Jen went over to introduce herself to the women from the magazines. I watched as she shook both their hands, and then saw them coming toward me.

“You must be Toni,” said the woman whom I recognized from watching the television coverage of the Hot Rod Magazine ‘Power Tour.’*

“Yes ma’am,” I told her as I shook her hand.

“Holly Hart,” she told me, then turned to her partner. “And this is Gwen Brown,” she told me, indicating the tall woman with the camera around her neck.

“Pleasure to meet you,” I told the taller woman.

Let me see if I can describe the two women who were going to be covering the cars. Holly, is a slender woman, I’d put in her late thirties, maybe early forties. Her deep red hair makes it a bit hard to pin her age down, since her skin doesn’t give any indication, due to the complete lack of wrinkles that most women get. Her porcelain like skin would lead me to believe she is of Irish descent, or possible one of the other UK regions.

Gwen, on the other hand, is in her forties. The stray grey hairs that aren’t noticeable, unless the sun catches them just right give her age away. But that is where the differences stop. If you were to look at them both from the neck down, you’d swear they were twins. The only slight difference is that Gwen has slightly more muscle in her arms. I would have to guess that would be from lugging all her heavy camera equipment around.

One of the unexpected things that struck me about these two women was their overwhelming grasp of the technical aspects of the cars. Not at all what you’d expect from two women who look more like models than Jen and I put together.

The only other thing that bothered me, was that I had been getting a ‘vibe’ off of the two of them. It wasn’t a bad thing, but there was something about them that seemed familiar, almost like I knew them both. The only other person I’ve ever had this feeling about was Jen. I just shrugged it off to being hot, since it was over 100 degrees out and not even noon yet.

All in all, the shoot went pretty well. Holly and I spent most of the day sitting under the umbrella she had set up on the table she brought with her while Gwen was taking pictures of Jen driving her cars on the track.

“So what lead you to want to do this project?” Holly asked me as Jen continued to flog her Viper.

“Well, I’ve known Jen a while now. We’re from the same area back east, and even worked together a while back at a radio station back there.” I told her. “When I came to LA to play hockey with the Columbia Hot Flash out of Santa Fe, I read an article that made Jen out to be a villainess in regards to the environment. I know how to work on cars, and I read in your magazine about Karl Jacob’s new company, and figured I could help her out.”

“Even though some of the most respected customizers in the industry told her it was an act in futility?” she asked me.

“Nothing is ever impossible.” I told her with a smile. “Columbus was called crazy when he sailed west. Henry Ford was told he’d never be able to mass-produce a car. So why couldn’t I prove people wrong when they said it couldn’t be done?”

“So you’re saying you’re on the same level with Columbus and Ford?” she asked me.

“Not at all.” I told her emphatically. “What I am saying is that what I did is part of what makes America great. The dreamers, and the doers are the people who built this country. Besides, I didn’t really do anything that special. Karl did most of the work. All I did was put his system on Jen’s car.”

“But what about the Hummer?” she asked me.

“What about it?”

“Well, who made the kit for that?” she asked.

“No one, that was all custom.” I told Holly.

“So you had to engineer everything yourself?” she asked, as she took notes.

“Not everything,” I told her. “I mean there’s a company out of Santa Fe that makes the electric engines, and battery system. And a company out of Baja makes the magnets I used on the suspension.”

“But what about the RBS Jen told me about?”

“That came from Renault. They’ve been experimenting on a small system to be able to be used on Formula 1 cars. All I did was adapt what they already had to work on the Hummer,” I told her as I started to feel uncomfortable with her giving me all this praise for my work.

“But didn’t you also adapt a couple of other sets of the magnets on the suspension, so the Hummer could have full off-road capabilities?”

“Well, yeah, but it wasn’t that hard. All I did was hook one set up with reverse polarity, so when the switch was in one position, one set is repelling, while the other two are grabbing. Then when you flip the switch, they reverse. I’m really surprised no one has done it before now, to be honest.”

“So is it true you made the trip from Santa Fe to LA on two tanks of fuel in the Viper?” Holly asked me.

“Yeah, I started out with some racing Methanol I had at my house. Then about half way, I added eight gallons of premium pump gas to the mix. Then once I hit LA I topped off the tank with another eight gallons of E-85.”

“You mean to tell me that you went eleven hundred miles on only sixteen gallons of fuel?” she asked me in shock.

“Yeah, that sounds about right.” I told her. “I’m not sure of the exact mileage from door to door, but it was only sixteen gallons added to the tank on the trip.”

“I take it that wasn’t really hammering on the throttle, what it?”

“Not even close.” I told her with a giggle. “I wasn’t going for any milage records, but I did motor along with the cruise control set at a steady seventy.”

“So you didn’t really hammer it at all?”

“Nope, the last thing I need is a speeding ticket. Besides, racing should be done on the track, not the street.” I said lowering my head. “Just like the late Wally Parks* wanted it.”

“You are a remarkable woman, Toni,” she told me with a smile. “So off the record, how long have you been a woman?”

I was shocked. Blindsided would probably be more appropriate. Here we were talking about the cars, and she just pops that question at me like nothing is wrong.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I told her, staring at her in shock.

“Look, I don’t claim to know what is going on, but I know a little of Jen’s past,” she told me, “and from seeing what I’ve seen in my own life, I can tell that you’re one of us.” she said with a wink.

“One of us?” I asked her.

“So how did you change?” she asked me bluntly. “Mine was a chemical bath after a bad fire I had in my house. They tried a new treatment on me for my burns. I wound up changing into a woman when the chemical pumps they used for the chemical bath they had me in shorted, and started over pumping the nutrients to help heal my body. Apparently, from what the doctors told me, it was a combination of the chemicals, and an electric shock that rewrote my DNA.”

“Wow,” was all I could manage after she told me her story.

“Look, I’m not going to out you,” she told me as she took my hand in hers. “I just find it interesting when I meet more people like myself.”

“Alright, but mine’s not that interesting.” I told her, with a little moue of discomfort. “Basically I just fell down a hill behind a college in Western New York, and fell into a large puddle of chemicals what had been leaking from barrels behind the Bio-Chem building.”

“That’s it?” she asked, a bit confused.

“That’s it.” I shrugged back. “That’s all I can remember. I was awake for the whole change, though.”

“Well, that’s a bit different.” she told me. “Everyone I’ve been able to meet has told me they were out for the whole process. You’re the first one who was able to watch themselves change.”

“Yay for me,” I told her in a mocking tone.

“I’m serious. That’s something the rest of us didn’t have to go through.” she told me sternly. “It takes a strong person to go through that and not do something rash.”

“I have a strong support system with my fiancee and father.” I told her.

That was when Gwen and Jen came back over to us. Gwen suggested that she get some action shots from inside the Hummer, and Holly suggested that all four of us go for a ride. We all packed into the truck and Jen took us all on a little off-road adventure. While we drove, Gwen asked me the same question that Holly had, about my change.

“Wait, you too?” I asked her from the back seat as she shot pictures from her seat at “shotgun”.

“Yup.” she told me. “About, oh, wow, has it really been ten years? I was a high voltage electrician, and while trying to fix a high tension line in the middle of a big storm, I got struck by both lightning and the current from the line. I woke up a month later, looking like I do now. Well, except for a few more grey hairs now,” she said with a giggle.

“So how come you’re not still working as an electrician?” I asked her in shock. (No pun intended)

“I didn’t want to risk my life any more, so I found the opportunity to combine two of my passions, cars and photography,” she told me as I could see a smile cross her face.

“Wow, I never would have guessed with any of the three of you, if none of you had told me.” I felt a bit down. “I mean, I’ve been getting some weird vibes off the two of you since we rolled up today, but I just chalked it up to being tired.”

“It’s not tired.” Gwen told me. “Have you ever watched the movie ‘Highlander’?”

“Yeah, I own the complete DVD box set, of the movie and the TV show,” I told her.

“Alright, think of those vibes you were feeling, are kind of like what they feel in the movie,” she told me. “They know when another like them is close. Well, those like us, those that I’ve met anyway, feel something like that.”

“Wow.” was all I could manage to say. As I tried to let this all sink in.

“So how did you change, Toni?” Gwen asked me.

“I fell into a chemical spill behind the Bio-Chem building at a college,” I told her, as I felt myself blush.

“And she was awake for her complete change,” Holly piped in.

“You were?” Gwen asked, surprised. “Wow! I think you’re the first one I’ve met that’s had that part happen.”

“Just how many of “US” do you know?” I asked her.

“Oh, a few ...” she told me.

“Alright, leave the poor girl alone,” Jen said, coming to my rescue. “Toni hasn’t been a woman very long,” she told them. “What’s it been, nine months?”

“Yeah.” I felt myself blushing again.

“Wow, I’d never had guessed it was that recent,” Holly told me. “You carry yourself so well.”

“Yeah, if I hadn’t had the feeling when I shook your hand earlier, I would have guessed you were born a woman,” Gwen followed. “It took me almost a year before I was comfortable with my mannerisms.”

“Well if you had the Physical Therapist I had ...” I told her with a giggle. “Seriously though, I’m FAR from comfortable. I just try to blend in as best I can.”

“Unless you’re playing hockey,” Jen piped in with a giggle.

“Quiet, you!” I told her as I swatted the back of her seat.

“Oh come on, I think it’s funny how the other teams try to skate away from you on the ice,” Jen told me.

“Why do they skate away from you?” Holly asked me.

“Because she checks harder than many of the men can,” Jen told her, causing me to blush again.

We ended our ride in the Hummer and after I exchanged numbers with Holly and Gwen, I followed Jen back to her place for the night. I was a bit tired after all the stress I’d been put through, so after another great Gertie dinner, and a quick call to Sarah, I went to bed early.

The following morning, I went searching for my slippers, and there, under my bed was one Tasmanian Devil, while the other was across the hall, just like Jen had suggested. Over breakfast, I started asking Jen about the racing movie she was going to be doing, and she told me she’d give me a copy of the script to take with me. I felt honored, since I still hadn’t had a screen test, yet I already was getting a copy. She told me on the way to the airport that she’d call me once she had my test set up, and that Holly would be sending each of us a copy of the magazines the article would be in.

I settled into my seat on the studio’s jet, and tried to relax. I couldn’t though, since this was my first time actually riding in a private jet. With nothing else to do, I sat down and started reading the script Jen had given me.

I found out, it was going to be a story of a woman who started racing a bit later in life than you hear about in this day and age. She and her friend had built a car as part of a sorority project while in college. The Greek organizations at the school were going to be having a race, and they ended up building the winning car. Jen’s character would be bitten by the driving bug, while the character she had in mind for me to play, just loved getting her hands dirty, turning the wrenches.

After graduation, they both started getting serious, and worked their way quickly through the ranks of racing. Both the driver and the crew chief were good at what they did, and together, they became unstoppable. They caught the eye of a NASCAR team, and while not well received in the garage area, they proved they belonged.

The climax had Jen’s character winning the Daytona 500 after coming back from a bad wreck the previous season. The whole thing kind of reminded me of ‘Days of Thunder’, but with a woman’s touch. I figured I’d at least give it a try when they called me for a screen test. After all, what did I have to lose?

After I got home, things settled down a bit, and I could concentrate on the three things in my life that mattered most. Sarah and the baby which came first, and then hockey. About a month or so after the photo shoot. I got a large envelope in the mail from Holly. Not only was it the issue with the article about Jen’s cars, but I saw that she used the picture of Jen and I leaning on the cars with the sun setting over the mountains behind us, on the cover.

Spectacular Environmentally Friendly Rebuilds
Remember when cars had personality and style? You can still find them if you’ve got the dough. But that isn’t the only price, as film star Jen Stevens found out while trying to have her two favorite toys made more environmentally friendly without losing the zip she got her Dodge Viper SRT10 for, or the go anywhere capabilities of her H1 Hummer.
Sounds impossible? That is what she seemed to be finding everywhere she turned, even as environmentalists began calling for boycotts of her film.
Then she was approached by a fan, Toni Trepasso. Yes, the same Toni Trepasso hockey fans know, who has been terrorizing opponents in her role as an enforcer for Santa Fe’s “Columbia Hot Flash” Women’s Semi-Pro Hockey Team.
She had some ideas along that lines, and knew that Karl Jacobs had started a company, SVS, specifically designed to give the Dodge Viper flex-fuel capabilities. She had heard the catcalls being thrown Jen’s way, and contacted her to see if she might be interested, only to find that Jen had been looking for something of the sort without success.
Needless to say, a deal was quickly struck, and Jen’s viper was soon in Toni’s garage. By the time Toni had disassembled it as far as needed, Karl’s premium conversion kit had arrived, and she got to it. It took Toni just a week to replace the heads on V-10 with ones that features direct injection for each cylinder, and convert the electronics over to allow cylinders to be cut out when their power isn’t required.
You might think that would be enough, as in ordinary around town driving, the mileage is up to three times better than the stock Viper. But no, Toni installed a twin turbo package in place of the mufflers, giving a peak power output nearly double that of the original engine when floored, yet retaining the improved mileage when not running under track conditions. Emissions are well under the specs of any factory Viper, which will allow it to be registered in California , with its strictest in the nation requirements. She actually did a bit better than the figures SVS provided California in qualifying the package.
When Toni delivered it from her place inn New Mexico to California, she covered the nearly 1100 miles in just a bit over 16 gallons of gas. She started the trip with a tank of racing methanol , added 8 gallons of pump premium at the first fill-up, and put in just over 8 gallons E-85 just before delivering the car to Miss Stevens. That’s 1100 miles on really, one tank of fuel, you environmentalists out there. That’s over 49 MPG!!!
When I asked Toni if that included any hot-rodding, she replied, “I’m a notorious lead-foot, so I had it on cruise control the whole way to avoid temptation, though I did hold it on the posted limit the entire way. I wasn’t trying for super economy. I did the hot-rodding on a test track before heading to LA. Let me tell you, this car is the most fun I’ve ever had sitting up.”
Toni reports that the new electronics package handled the changeover from one type of fuel to another as if it was all the same grade.
After delivering the Viper, Toni took Jen’s Hummer home for improvement. Jen now owns an H1 Hummer that can run on anything from bio-diesel to pump diesel,
This conversion took a lot longer than the Viper had taken, as the changes are much more extensive. To start with, Jen’s H1 is now a diesel/electric hybrid, giving it many of the environmentally pleasing attributes of any hybrid car. But the additional step in the drive train, is a flywheel for regenerative braking. The takes the strain off the batteries, as they never have to see large inrush currents during braking, or provide huge currents under hard acceleration. Both of these are the hardest strain on Hybrid batteries, and Jen’s Hummer should never see them.
The rest of the package should excite you off-roaders. Jen’s Hummer can electro-magnetically decouple the standard suspension, while a second set of airbags takes over to provide higher ground clearance and the flex you guys like. Now it handles better on the highway than ever before, with an increase in peak acceleration, and better off-road capabilities than a standard Hummer. And for you environmentalists, it gets over 25 MPG on the highway, using non-fossil fuel and more than 30 on petrol-diesel.

I for one will be contacting Toni to have my new Ram 1500 converted over to run on flex fuel, and perhaps she can up my Hemi’s output as well. If anyone is interested in finding out more about what Toni can do for you, contact us here at Peterson Publishing, and we’ll forward any inquiries to Ms. Trepasso.

As I finished reading the article in the copy Holly sent to me, I couldn’t help but think, “OH FUCK! What did I just get myself into?”

No sooner had I finished reading, than my phone rang. It was Jen calling. Probably to tell me when my screen test was scheduled.

To be continued......

Jen Stevens appears courteously of Bob Arnold. All rights reserved. ©

*Hot Rod Magazine Power Tour: A coast to coast caravan of Hot Rods, Muscle cars and Classic cars that starts at the Peterson Publishing building in California, and ends at the "Good Guys Nationals" car show in North Carolina.

*Wally Parks: Founder of the National Hot Rod Association, as a way to give the budding Hot Rod culture of the 1950's a safe place to compete in straight line tests of acceleration, also known as Drag Racing. Many early racers started racing on the public streets across the United States, with many winding up dead or severly injured. If the racers themselves weren't injured in these illegal races, many more innocent by-standers were maimed or killed from either watching or from being in the wrong place at the right time. The National Traffic Safety Board of the US awarded Mr. Parks many awards for his roll in showing Hot Rodders that the track is the best place for racing, not public streets.

Warning, Tales of my demise have been greatly exagerated.
Becoming Antonia Part 27.
Written by Toni Trepasso
Edited by Holly Logan, with my many thanks to her.

---

 

<Authors Note: I should warn you all that I've been more or less sitting on this story for the better part of the past two years. I bought a new computer around the time Holly got this chapter back to me after she proofed it, and I finally found it on my email to be able to make her suggested changes to the text. Please bare that in mind when you read this.
Much love,
Toni.>

I picked up my cell phone and saw that it was Jen on the line. After reading the article from Holly, I was a mix of excited and nervous. Hopefully Jen would be able to help me calm down a bit.

“Hey, Jen.” I said as I answered the phone.

“Toni!” She said with a note of excitement in her voice. “Did you get the package from Holly?”

“Yes, and I like everything but the cover shot.” I told her.

“What’s wrong with the cover?”

“I thought they weren’t going to use the bikini shots,” I told Jen with a giggle.

“Guilty.” she answered. “That was my idea.”

“It’s a good thing we’re friends, or I’d be seriously pissed right now,” I told her, again with a giggle.

“Ok, enough about that.” she quickly got serious and changed the subject. “We’ve got a slight problem.”

“What’s the sitch now?” I asked, rolling my eyes as I listened.

“Don’t roll your eyes at me young lady.” she said as if she could see me on a camera phone. “The writers are on strike, and the unions won’t let us start filming until we can reach an agreement.”

“Wow,” was all I could answer. Here I was excited about getting the chance to be in a movie, and my career was ended before it even began, because of a strike. Then it hit me.

“Hey Jen, does the studio have the cars ready for the movie?” I asked her as I was looking at my calendar and saw that the open practice for Daytona was fast approaching.

“Yes, we have all brand new cars from Hess*, with cameras in them like the normal TV crews use.” she told me. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, if they’re normal TV style cameras, all we’d need is a computer with the receiver, and then just run the car right?”

“Yeah, that’s about it.” she told me with a hint of skepticism.

“Ok, here’s what we do ....” I told her as I laid out my plan to have her actually get her NASCAR license, and race in the Daytona 500.

Since we both have our class A licenses, we could take turns driving the hauler for the cross country trek, and the studio already had all the proper equipment to field the car. All we’d need to do is find a crew once we got to the track, and that shouldn’t be that hard, since IF we made the race, we could hire one of the backup crews from another team, or a crew from one of the other divisions that would be there to pit the car for us.

“Ok. I’m in,” she told me. “I’ll pick you up in the hauler tomorrow. We have to hurry to make the open practice and get me my license.”

That was it. I was going back to racing. Hopefully what I’d seen of Jen’s driving, and what I knew about the car’s setup would be enough to get us into the race. Only time would tell if we could pull this off.

The trip to Florida was like I’d remembered it being from my days working in the cup series. Long miles on the road, and eating at any little highway joint you could find with more than 2 trucks parked by it. That was usually a sign that the food wasn’t too bad. All in all we made the trip in just over a day, and got our space in the garage area set up.

I started to go over the car to get it ready for inspection while Jen talked to the competition directors about getting her license. As it turned out, my job was the easy part. Hess* makes a great car, and well within the rules of the NASCAR book, and the people who hung the body hadn’t fiddled with it, We were one of only a couple cars that made it through the template station on the first shot.

Lucky for me, a few of the girls from the hockey team agreed to help out by pushing the car around the pits, or that would have been an issue. One woman pushing a 3600 pound stock car is not a fun time, if you follow me.

As soon as we’d finished fueling the car after the inspection process, Jen came back with a couple of officials in tow and laid out the stipulations NASCAR had mandated to me. “I have to prove to them I can drive, so they want me to go out on the track with the IROC* group and if I can handle that pack of cars they’ll let me into a session with our car.”

“I kind of had a feeling it’d be something like that.” I told her with laugh of frustration.

I had my radio set to scan our frequency and the track frequency during her test with the IROC* cars. All I could do was pace back and forth on the roof of our hauler while I watched her turn laps, and heard the officials tell her to move up to the lead of the pack she was in. I guess she impressed them enough in that session, because as soon as I’d climbed down from the hauler after the session, the officials were telling me she could go out with the Cup drivers. However they did caution me that if anything happened, we’d both be made to leave.

Jen went out with a pretty good group, consisting of a handful of past race winners, and past champions. So if she just held her line, and didn’t do anything to piss them off, we’d be okay. She handled the car like a seasoned veteran, holding her car in the draft at almost 200MPH all the way around the 2.5 mile track. If you’ve ever been behind a tractor trailer on the highway, that’s about what it feels like to be in the draft at a place like Daytona. The wind wants to push the car all over the place, so to keep it steady, and not hit anyone, it takes skill and nerves of titanium. Jen luckily had both.

As soon as the day was over, we were both called to the NASCAR office trailer and told that Jen would be allowed to try and qualify for the 500. However they did caution us that if anything happened we’d both be banned for life from NASCAR. If the pressure wasn’t on before, to simply get the footage in the can for the movie, it was now with that mandate from NASCAR.

As speed weeks got ready to open up, Officer Murphy made his daily rounds. I tripped while we were coming out of the hotel room and fell onto Jen. A chill went down my spine as I heard the “snap” when I landed with all my weight on her left ankle. A quick trip to Daytona General Hospital confirmed that my klutziness had given Jen a hairline fracture. I was in tears as I heard the doctors tell us the news.

“Buck up.” Jen told me as she stood up on her crutches

“How can you be so calm?” I asked her through the tears. “I just screwed everything up.”

“It’s not that bad. I’ve driven with worse.”

“That may be, but the officials will never let you drive with you on crutches.” I told her as I helped her balance on her new sticks.

“I think I might have that issue solved.” she told me as she grabbed her cell phone and placed a call.

She wouldn’t tell me who she would get to fill the seat, but I trust Jen completely. Granted, I usually want to drag anyone who gives me a surprise out into the street and have them drawn and quartered with four top fuel dragsters, but since it’s Jen, I’ll let this one slide.

As the garage area opened I learned we were one of 56 cars trying for the 43 starting spots in the field. THERE’S some good news. It would mean that with only 35 cars locked into the field, we’d be gunning it out with 21 other teams to try and get into the Great American Race’s remaining 8 spots.

Add to it that my driver had a broken ankle, and I felt like a long tailed cat in a room full of rottweiler’s that were all sitting in rocking chairs. As we made our way to the garage area a fiery red head walked up and hugged with Jen while I was going through the paces with the NASCAR inspectors.

“Toni, I’d like you to meet my good friend Jan Timson.” Jen told me as the young woman came over to shake my hand.

“Timson....” I repeated as I tried to figure out where I knew that name from. Then it dawned on me. Janet Timson had just won the World of Outlaws Sprintcar title, and had been given a ride last year at Talladega in the ARCA race with RCR before they cut their developmental driver program.

“Jen’s told me a lot about you, Toni.” she told me as I stood there wondering what Jen had up her sleeve.

“So what brings you to Daytona, Jan?” I asked her blankly. “Did Richard get his head out of his ass and finally give you the ride you deserve?”

“Not exactly.” she told me with a wink to Jen. “I got hired to do some stunt driving work on some Hollywood movie.”

“Something you want to tell me Jen?” I asked with a cocked eyebrow.

“You mean other than Jan agreed to drive the car in the race for us?” Jen told me with a giggle. “No, I can’t think of anything.”

“And the NAZI regime is cool with this?” I asked, making reference to how NASCAR controls stock car racing much the same way Hitler and his minions controlled Europe in the early 1940's, only NASCAR used less guns.

“I got my super speedway clearance last fall at Talladega,” Jan told me as she looked into the driver’s side window at the cockpit of the car.

“Welcome aboard, then.” I said with a shrug, and knowing there weren’t any other options.

We didn’t really worry too much about the qualifying setup, since we knew we’d have a better shot at making the field in one of the 150 mile qualifying races. So while other teams blasted off some ballistic times during practice before qualifying, we simply worked on getting the car to handle well in the pack so Jan could simply drive the car and race her way into the field. And the qualifying times showed. We were ranked 40th after pole day, which meant we’d be in the 2nd of the two 150 lap qualifying races. All we really changed going into that race was to pull some tape off the radiator inlet to let the car run cooler in a big group of cars.

Leading up to the qualifying race I was a bundle of nerves, and Jen and Jan picked up on it on Tuesday night, before we turned in for bed.

“If you don’t calm down, I’m going to make you drive the car and I’ll sit on the pit box.” Jan told me over a fruit smoothie at the hotel.

“I can’t help it.” I told her. “I always get like this leading up to a big race. And this one is even bigger now, since it’ll be ME calling the shots on the setup of the car.”

“The car is fine,” she assured me. “It’s you I’m worried about.” she told me, placed one of her hands on mine on the table.

“Jan, your life is in my hands.” I told her as I started to cry.

I turned to Jen. “You’re both the only people I can talk to about what’s been going on in my life, and you can actually understand what I’m going through. I know Sarah and my dad will always be there for me, but you’ve actually gone through some of what I’ve been going through. I know we just met Jan, but it’s like we’ve known each other forever. And that’s special to me. I’d never forgive myself if something happened.”

“Look, you’re a great mechanic.” she told me with a sisterly smile. “If I didn’t feel comfortable with what you’ve been doing to the car, I’d have said something. But the car is fine. And you need to get some sleep, and since we don’t have practice tomorrow, lets take the day and just relax.”

“I’ll relax when this is all over.” I told her. “Once you’re back safe and sound after the race, I’ll relax then.”

They wouldn’t let me near the track on Wednesday, but I couldn’t help but thinking over and over in my mind that I’d missed something. Once we got to the track on Thursday morning I went over ever nut and bolt in the car, making sure they were all tight, and then re-bled the brakes, and double checked the valves in the engine. For her part, Jen found us a crew to pit the car for the race. One of the truck teams agreed to change our tires and fuel the car in the race, so that was one less worry I had.

Once we rolled to the grid for our qualifying race my nervousness came back. The first qualifying race hadn’t had “the big one”. That’s a large wreck that takes out a larger group of cars, and there’s always one of those in the twin 150's, so I was just waiting for it to happen in our race.

We buckled Jan in and Jen went up to the tower to be Jan’s spotter for the race. I took my spot on top of the pit box and said my final words of luck to Jan.

“Remember, stay safe, and just turn laps. You don’t have to win this thing to get us in the field. But you do have to be there at the end. So take it easy, and have fun out there.” I told her over the radio.

As the field rolled off to start their formation lap for the race, it occurred to me that the studio had spared no expense with the equipment for this movie. This pit box was nicer than any of the ones I’d had the privilege to work around when I was working in the cup back in the day, and the rest of the equipment was the best money could buy. I watched the race telemetry from NASCAR as the race started, and watched as Jan started to move up through the field, picking off car after car from her outside row 10 starting spot.

By the time the first round of green flag stops came up, she was running 5th and was in the lead pack of six cars. For a crew that is from what’s considered a lower level of the NASCAR family of series, our guys got our four tires on and packed the car full of fuel on pace with the rest of the group we pitted with. This allowed us all to exit the pits together and stay in our little pack, since the fastest way around a track like this is with a group of more than three cars, to help with the draft.

Once the green flag stops finally panned out, we were 3rd and our pack of six cars had a full turn lead on the rest of the field. All we had to do was hold this spot and we’d be in the field for the race. I started to breath a sigh of relief but it was too soon. The big one came, coming out of turn four just as our pack was coming up to lap a handful of stragglers that just couldn’t get up to speed.

My heart sank as all I could do was watch on the television feed as our pack of cars scattered and went into the giant cloud of smoke that marked the wreck we were coming up on. For a couple tense moments I held my breath as I started to see cars emerge from the smoke. To my shock. Jan was the first and only one to come out, and the car didn’t look like it’d been hit. That’s when I heard it over the radio.

“They got Jimmy, and Bobby. I don’t know how I missed it, but we made it through that,” she said.

Jimmy and Bobby were the two cars Jan had been following before the wreck. So that handed us the lead in the race. I knew that we could make it the rest of the way from here on fuel if we pitted, but the question was, do we take two tires and go for track position, or take four, and try and make moves in traffic. It all fell on me, as Jan came down pit road, and just before the crew went over the wall to start their service on the car, I called out two on the radio and made up my mind we’d gamble on track position for the remaining 15 laps of the race.

The pits were a fever of activity as everyone came to top off their fuel and get fresh tires. We came in first, and the guys did a great job keeping us there. My heart sank as I watched the rest of the top running cars take four tires, meaning they’d all have fresher rubber for the remaining laps. I kept telling myself we didn’t need to win this race, just have a good finish near the front to be in the race.

But apparently Jan had other ideas. As the pace car pulled off and turned the field over for Jan to bring them down for the restart with only 10 laps to go, she brought them down very slowly. Almost at a crawl before she took off like her butt was on fire and her head was catching. She had two cars in tow as they took off, but the 4th place driver spun his tires and that allowed the three cars ahead of him to pull away, with Jan leading the way. We had the defending race champion and a two time winner of the 500 behind us, and I asked Jen to talk to their spotters, to ask them to just let us know when and if they wanted the lead and I’d tell Jan to let them by. To my pleasant shock they both agreed to run blocker for us, to make sure we’d be in the race.

I could only sit there on the pit box and just watch the laps click off with our three car group pulling away from the rest of the field which was running two wide behind us. When the final lap came I was holding my breath the entire time, just waiting for something to happen. I know what was said by spotters, but I also know how race drivers can get sometime. Drivers want to win. And if that means moving the car in front of you out of the way to do it, then all’s fair. But the bump never came. They did, however split her going through the tri-oval, crossing the line side by side, three wide. I had to wait for the replay on television to see who’d won. And then I saw some good news.

We’d done it. Jan finished third the second 150 mile qualifying race, and we were in the Daytona 500. Not only that, but we’d be starting outside of row number three for the race, since one of the cars that had beaten us was already on the front row. This left the other one on the outside of row number two. We’d be up front where you’re less likely to have bad things happen to you.

The crew had to drag me off the pit box and usher me to the inspection line, since I was in shock that we’d actually just almost won a race. In our first try, with a “Hollywood” prepared car, nonetheless with a driver that had a limited stock car, and for that matter, big track experience.

I made my way to the car parked in line at the inspection station and the media was already swarming like a pack of wild dogs. All I could hear was the lot of them shouting for “Ms. Mangano”, being as Jen had signed into the event as Amanda Mangano, her character’s name in the movie. She told me this would make it easier to use the actual race footage and announcers to add a note of realism to the whole thing. And being as the same network that aired “Around Midnight”,(read “Zapped” by Bob Arnold for more info on that.) was covering the race, it wouldn’t be too hard for Jen to get the raw race footage to use in the movie.

Jan hugged me tight as I reached the car, and we ushered her off in the golf cart to get her out of the spot light before anything hinky happened. Jen showed up a little bit later with a camera crew and one of the pit reporters in tow, apparently to do the interview for the television coverage. Jan handled it like a seasoned pro, answering their questions and never giving anyone a hint that she wasn’t Amanda Mangano.

Then Jen came out, dressed in her fire suit and did an interview with the camera crew as well, and in character as if SHE were Amanda Mangano. After Jen was done with her part, Jen and Jan broke the news to the camera crew that Jan was really Janet Timson, and we were there to get footage for an upcoming movie.

Just as they started to do that, the rest of the media vultures found them and started to pepper Jan with questions about who she was and where she’d driven before, since the vast majority of the world wouldn’t know a good driver if they hit one in the parking lot.

Jan is by far one of the best drivers I’ve ever seen pilot a sprint car. I was there when she won the Knoxville Nationals, and watched her win the “Kings Royal”, and Eldora Nationals on SPEED TV, those being three of the bigger wins in the fifty win season she had last year on the World of Outlaws Sprint Car Tour. To think that she could win fifty races out of 130, and the three biggest on the schedule, is a real accomplishment. It’s no wonder that she had the title wrapped up as “Queen of the Outlaws”, (normally the season champ is crowned “king of the outlaws” when a man wins it), by the time they got into September, and still had 20 races left in the season.

I sneaked off to help the crew finish the post race inspection and then button the car up for the night, before heading back to the hauler, where every print, and radio person on the grounds were standing, trying to get some face time with Jan. I made my way through the side door of the trailer and found Jen in the lounge changing out of her driver’s suit and back into her street clothes.

“You know, I’m almost glad it WASN’T you driving the car today,” I told her as she tied her tennis shoes.

“Why’s that, Toni?”

“Well, think about it.” I told her with a giggle. “Jan hasn’t made movies before, or recorded a Grammy winning album, or hosted a successful late night talk show on network television ...”

“Ok, I get it.” Jen told me as she cut me off before I could puff her ego any more with my list of accomplishments she’s achieved. “I’m just a normal woman. I put my pants on the same way everyone else does, Toni.”

“No, you’re freaking super woman. It’s just too bad my ass is kryptonite, or else you wouldn’t have that broken ankle.” I told her as I helped her to her feet.

“What broken ankle?” she asked me with a grin.

“Quit playing.” I told her with a “WTF” look.

“That whole thing in the doctor’s office the other day was a ruse.” she told me. “The studio had kittens when they found out I was going to drive. So I tripped you coming out of the hotel room and made it look real, so if anyone asked, we’d have a good cover story for bringing in a pro to drive the car.”

I stood there stunned. She’d lied to me. Here I was thinking I’d just broken my best friend’s ankle and she’s not really injured.

“But I heard the crack when I landed on you.” I told her as I started to cry.

“That was my cell phone clip breaking as it came off my belt.” she said, starting to giggle.

“You bitch!” I started to cry my eyes out. “You let me think I hurt you. Why Jen? Why would you do that?”

“I knew you’d be more receptive to Jan driving the car if you knew in your mind that I couldn’t. I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I just knew you wouldn’t want to do this with anyone else if I could drive the car.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I probably wouldn’t have agreed to be crew chief for Jan if you COULD have driven the car.” I told her as I hugged her tight, and wiped the tears from my eyes. “But it’s too late now to change it, anyway. So I take it you aren’t going to use your crutches anymore?”

“Nope, don’t need them,” she said as she did a little jig. “Come on, let’s go rescue the new media darling of the racing world.”

We made our way out of the lounge to find Jan sitting on one of the bench seats near the main door to the hauler, sipping a water.

“I take it you finally told her your broken ankle was a fake?” Jan asked as we made our way through the trailer.

“Yes she did. And I’m not happy about HOW she went about getting out of driving the car.” I told Jan with a fake snarl. “You both could have at least clued me in on this little farce.

“Deniability, my dear Toni, deniability,” Jan said. “If anyone had asked, no one would have picked up on you knowing anything other than what Jen had told the officials. Now that I’m the driver of record of the car, there’s nothing they can do to force her to drive.”

“I should have stayed in bed,” I told them both as I sit down with my head in my hands. “Some days it’s just not worth chewing through the leather straps.”

Jen Stevens & Jan Timsonappears courteously of Bob Arnold. All rights reserved. ©

Hess Race Cars: One of NASCAR's approved manifacturers of racing componants, located in Moorseville, NC

IROC: International Race of Champions, better known as IROC, was an auto racing competition, promoted as an equivalent of an All-Star Game or The Masters. Drivers raced identically-prepared stock cars set up by a single team of mechanics in an effort to make the race purely a test of driver ability. It was run with a small field of invited drivers (6-12). The drivers invited were from a broad range of racing disciplines: NASCAR, Indy cars, sports car racing, and on rare occasions, WoO, and drag racing. Criteria for invitation was very loose, but typically consisted of recent season champions of the respective series, and individual winners of big events (Indy, Daytona, etc.)((taken from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/International_Race_of_Champions ))