Is Bill really a changeling? What happened to his childhood? He doesn't know. He can't seem to remember being a kid, but there are pictures. Do you know what happened to his childhood? Hopefull time will tell.
This is a complete story, in 33 parts.
Is Bill really a changeling? What happened to his childhood? He doesn't know. Do you?
Part 1
"Hey Honey" I called upstairs "it looks like the Stevens are having another one of their themed parties!".
"Those are always fun Bill. What's this one?" She shouted back.
"Hmm. Come as you were? That's strange. Oh - there's an insert here. I wonder."
"What's that Bill? I can't hear you?" said Becky, as she came into the room. "Let me see that, you're not making much sense." She took the invitation I had been staring at with a strange look.
"Oh, this looks like fun. I bet Sally's going to put all these things on a list and mix them up, and we'll have to chat around for a while, and then guess who goes with which item. That'll be fun! Now, which events will I pick. Hmmm." Sally, looks thoughtful, then before turning away, she goes "Oh, here's your slip. We can jot our answers down and drop them back in the return post this afternoon." Sally, headed off, not noticing that I was still standing there looking a bit lost.
I shake my head, and go and sit on the sofa to think. "Now I have to think of some things I did as a little kid. That's a lark. I guess I'll have to go with things my family has told me about. At least that way Becky will know which ones are mine." I quickly scribbled down the 5 most familiar stories, and then I sat and thought a bit. Becky should have remembered this would be an issue for me since she was in the room with us all at my folks last Christmas when I told the story of my lost memory for the umpteenth time. About how I'd apparently hurt my neck (as a kid going to school in 3rd or 4th grade.) by stepping down funny and my neck flopping to one side. I'd also said that I'd been on codeine or something like it for about a week or so until my neck stopped hurting and that caused my memory loss. I was shocked when my mom sat there and just said it hadn’t happened. I mean, HOW could I have had such a vivid "memory" of that event, and it not happened. Well, I'd get through this party the way I usually do by using what people told me about me growing up. I sighed and got up. "Here honey, these will do for me."
"Oh, don't show me what you did as a k" she starts saying then stops and looks at me. I guess she remembered after all. "Oh Bill, I'm sorry, I forgot. Did you just use stories your family had told?"
"Yea, I mean what else can I do? I just don't remember anything for sure, and at least one thing I had REMEMBERED turns out to have not happened! I mean, I guess I could have just said I'm an alien changeling and didn't exist on earth before I was 10. Like that would go over. Well, hopefully I don't get tripped up having to come up with details or something."
"Don't worry Bill. Everyone there will be nice, I mean, when was the last time Shelly invited a mean person to one of their parties?"
I give a sigh of relief. "Yea, I guess you're right. And it'll probably be guess which list goes with which person." Want me to drop our lists off, when I'm out dogging the walk?"
Becky laughed at my intentional mess up there. "Oh Bill you silly goose. Here, that’s faster than the post."
I took both the lists and put them in the return envelope, and put them with the dog's leash.
Continued… Does Bill survive the party?
Any comments greatly appreciated. This is my first attempt at writing (well, I think it's more dribbling, but two friends pushed me to share it anyway).
Is Bill really a changeling? What happened to his childhood? He doesn't know. Do you?
Part 2 Did Bill Survive the party?
"How do you think they'll handle the fun tonight?" I said, as we started up the hill toward the Stevens.
"Are you still worried about that Bill? I'm sure it will be simple. And, besides how will anyone know you don't remember any of that?"
"You're right I guess. I'm just bugged a bit. Ahh, looks like we won't be the first there."
While the party wasn't yet in full swing, several couples had already arrived. I handed Shelly the bottle of wine we'd brought. "A little something for the cause."
"Oh, you know we always have plenty Bill. You shouldn't have. But come on in. We're still getting everything set up. You can put your coats in the usual pile in the guest room." And, with that, she was off. That lady never stops!
When we got back to the 'action' I noticed that another couple had arrived and thought "I wonder who all will be here tonight." "Shelly, anything we can do? You guys really work to get things ready and we normally just show up to enjoy."
"Okay Bill. Would you run go get one of the hors d'oeuvres trays and put it in the dining room? We're only waiting on the Mitchells now."
I saw the Mitchells arriving, as I came out with the tray. I noticed what I suspected was part of the evening's activities and wandered over to take a look. "Hmmm. Looks like Becky was right. I hope it works out." I then went out and heard Shelly saying. "Okay, we're all here. I'll go get some things and we can get started on the activity while we chat and do hors d'oeuvres."
On her return, she had the pile I'd noticed. "Okay, as many of you probably guessed, we're going to try to match who each list of childhood memories matches." She set up an easel with all the listed laid out with numbers. "I've retyped all your responses, and put them here in no particular order, so you can't use the order to make your guesses like John did a few months ago." That got a few laughs. "And tonight's twist is that you can't ask questions directly relating to the events listed, but you have to find out other details of the events to let you guess. Let's mingle folks - drinks are at the bar, help yourself and the hors d'oeuvres are in the Dining Room."
We all wandered around generally having a good time. I'm afraid I wasn't much help with folks trying to figure out my childhood episodes. Like I had more details. Sheesh. Eventually I was chatting with Nick MacDonald.
"Well Bill, you don't seem to know much about any of these episodes. How is that possible?"
"Sorry Nick, I'm a changeling. How would I remember something that happened to someone else?"
"Come on Bill, you don't LOOK like an alien or elf to me." he laughed. "I'm about sure which set has to be yours by elimination anyway. Are you just trying to be difficult?"
"No Nick, I honestly don't know anything more about the events listed. I just used some that my family talks about a lot."
"Well, why didn't you use events YOU remembered?"
"Umm, that's just it Nick, I don't remember. It’s… It's as if I didn't exist before I was about 9 or 10. So, I could be a changeling and couldn't prove otherwise." I sighed.
"That's unusual I guess, but I'm no expert. Hey, Flo might know, let's go." And he started heading across the room. It's no use fighting Nick when he latches onto an idea. He just bulls ahead. It probably comes in handy with his job, but right now I'm the target. Oh well I think to myself as I follow him.
"Yo, Flo. Bill here's got a problem, and we were wondering if you knew if it were common or unusual."
"Hello Nick. What have you gotten into now? You okay Bill?"
"Flo. Bill here claims he doesn't remember anything before he was 10. I know I do. Heck, I can remember some things when I was learning to walk."
"Bill, are you sure you don't remember anything?" I was getting nervous, as the folks around were starting to listen too, and Shelly was starting to look bad about something.
"Yea. That's about right Flo." I started, then getting quieter "I just have a very few fragments of things that might be memories back then."
"Why don't we talk about it later? There's no reason to go into it here." I'm guessing she recognized my nervousness, and was deflecting things. "But Nick, I did want to ask you about when you were out swimming at the lake." Wow, talk about your topic changers. I sorta backed up to get out of the middle of things, and noticed most of the other folk were getting back to things. I headed over to get a cracker to settle my stomach. Maybe a ginger ale too.
I felt a touch on my arm, it was Shelly. "I'm so sorry Bill, I'd completely forgotten you telling Ray and me about your memory loss two years ago. That codeine must have been hard on your mind to do that." She directed me toward the kitchen. "Let's grab another tray or two of hors d'oeuvres!"
"Shelly, don't worry about it." I said, as the two of us went off into the kitchen. "But, I found out last Christmas, when Becky and I were visiting my parents that I didn't get hurt like I remembered. That's made me question even the few things I thought I remembered."
"Wow, that's heavy Bill. Maybe you really should talk to Flo some! She knows a lot about how minds work."
"Oh, I know. But it's kinda hard when I don't know where to start. Maybe I'll give her a call tomorrow since I have off."
"There you go! Now why don't we get these hors d'oeuvres out there. We'll be wrapping up the game soon. Don't worry. Your lack of memory may well help you win!"
"Well, that worked out OK didn't it BIll?" Becky said a bit anxiously on the way home. "I saw Nick hauling you off to talk to Flo. But that didn't seem to take long. And Nick was the only one to guess which events were yours."
"Umm. Yea, I guess. Though after that party, maybe I should give Flo a call tomorrow. Maybe she knows someone that can help. She did say that most folks can remember some things from even their early childhood when we talked again later. So, unless I really am a changeling as I've joked all these years, my memory loss may be unusual. What do you think? Should I call her?"
"It can't hurt Bill, and hey maybe you'll get your memory back and remember your little sister - the one your Aunt Rachel's always talking about."
"That would be nice. My folks never talk about her. I guess she must have died and that's why they don't talk about that time all that much. You know, it's a good thing the kids are old enough to leave at home these days. No sitter to haul home!"
Becky laughed. "There is that! Well. Let's make sure they're asleep, and get to bed ourselves."
Continued… Did Bill survive the party? Will he actually talk to Flo?
Any comments greatly appreciated. Here's the next little bit. Some of you appear to have opened my last bit, I hope you weren't horrified.
Is Bill really a changeling? What happened to his childhood? He doesn't know. Do you?
Part 3 Does Bill get any answers, or just more questions?
"Hello. This is Florence Hickman. May I help you?"
"Hello, Flo. You got a few minutes?"
"I was expecting your call. If you grab a couple subs, we can talk over lunch and I can give you two hours then."
"Sure, you want a foul one?" I say chuckling. Knowing Flo's propensity to get smoked turkey.
"You are crazy you know Bill. Sure, grab me a turkey. See you about 11:30." I'm sure she was shaking her head. I guess I've used that joke one or two times to many.
"Hello, I'm Bill Wyman, I talked to Dr. Broadhurst a little while ago. I believe she's expecting me."
"Yes. She said to send you right in, if you had a bird in the bag for her." She gave me a funny look, and noticed the Quick Check bag figured out what was going oh. "Oh, lunch." She shook her head. "Well, come on. I'll show you to her office."
She knocked on a door "Dr. Broadhurst, Mr. Wyman comes bearing birds." And she let me into a nice office.
"Hi Bill, I guess Windy figured out our joke." I could hear, I guess she must have been Windy, snort as she closed the door.
"Yea, maybe the bag gave me away?" I pulled out her sandwich and handed it to her along with a bottle of tea.
"Well, what now?" I said as I sat down opposite her, and began opening my sandwich.
"Memory loss isn't really my field, nor am I sure yet what field we're looking at Bill. A lot depends on the cause of the loss. I think we should chat a bit, so I can hopefully eliminate some possibilities. After I have a better picture, we can talk about options. Sound okay?"
"Okay. I've certainly no clue."
"Fine. I believe you said that you don't recall anything before you were 10? How do you figure that?"
"Well Flo, I'm not real sure of the age, but I can tell you that my memories of life in 5th grade on are pretty clear. I moved between 4th and 5th grades. After the move, I can describe my houses layout, school, classes, name teachers. Describe friends, etc. In fourth grade I only have a very few memories, and my only memories of the house are fuzzy, and could be nothing more than recognition from looking at my mom's scrap book. Third grade is worse than that. And the one or two 'memories', if you can call them that, before then are kinda strange. That's how I came up with the dates."
"Okay. That's a starting point for us. Do you remember anything about that time that you think might have been related?"
"I used to think I did."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I used to think I'd hurt my neck going to school one day, and they'd had me on codeine as a pain killer for about a week. I thought that had caused the memory loss."
"Why do you say you thought?"
"Last Christmas, when Becky & I were visiting my parents, childhood memories came up and I trotted out that story, and my parents said it never happened. That my neck had never been hurt. I was shocked, let me tell you."
"Well, that IS interesting. It's strange that you would have such a clear and even reasonable memory for your memory loss, and then to find out it never happened. I don't wonder that you are bothered by this and your memory loss."
"Have you ever experienced any head trauma? In a car accident, playing sports?"
"Not that I know of, and my folks didn't seem to think I had - at least around that time."
"Have you noticed any loss other memories over the years - that is, do you feel like you used to remember something, and can't any more?"
"Nah, it's like I said, I've got really clear memories back to a point - and then poof gone."
"Okay, I see a couple paths you can take, as there are several possible causes of large memory loss. Head Trauma is by the most common, though that tends to be a block of time around the event rather than going back in time from the event. Other possibilities include you blocking the memories yourself to block off some memory that was too painful to deal with at the time. So, if you want we can map out a plan for you to talk to some specialists to see if any of them can point to anything." She was quiet a minute so I responded.
"Well, my insurance should cover some testing I think, and it'd really be nice to know myself." I said with a depreciating chuckle. "I just hope we can find something!"
"Bill, that's one thing. I said before that memory loss is not my field of expertise. But more important than that, you're my friend. That could warp my objectivity and it's conceivable that your memories might be something you'd rather not be known by even friends. You may think that's unlikely, but most of us do things we'd rather our friends not no." I guess I may have squirmed a bit at this, because she continued "Now don't worry Bill, I won't abandon you, and you're free to talk over things with me if you want. I just think you'd be better off working with an expert. If they tell you something that they can't explain or even you don't want them to explain but you do want to talk over I am your friend, and I'll help."
"I can't thank you enough Flo! I guess this has been bugging me long enough. I'll try anyway."
"That's a good idea Bill. Now that I have a better understanding, I think I can Identify the right kind of specialists to help you. I know a good Neurologist, who can look for physical issues that might contribute. It's a long shot, but who knows. Better to eliminate it than skip it and go down false paths. I can give you a referral to him, and explain what we're looking for and to eliminate." I'm nodding, because this sounds good. "I'll give you his contact info in a bit, and I'll get a letter put together for you before you will have a chance to meet with him. Now, the next thing I'm going to suggest is a consult with someone that has had some success with recovering memories for people that have lost them through some sort of event that their sub conscious doesn't want to deal with. I know two who work in the field, but I want to check with them confidentially to see if either has worked with a case like yours before, or if the know someone who has. This could take me a few days, but once I find someone I'll let you know."
"Okay Is that all?"
"You might want to just talk to a general therapist. It would be good to develop rapport with someone to help you integrate any memories that crop up, before that happens. I would like to assume we can help you recover those missing memories, or at least some of them. And, if there were some traumatic events, you may well need someone to help you deal. You're obviously older now, and are likely able to deal with many if not all issues that you might have come across at that young age that were too difficult then. But, it really won't hurt to have help available to make that job easier."
"That’s a good point, I guess. Though it bothers me to think I might need to visit a shrink, present company excepted of course."
Flo laughed "Oh Bill, you don't know how many times I've heard that hesitation, though it is usually from the parents of my patients. Nobody really wants to believe they can't handle things on their own. I can set you up with one of my colleagues that work with adults if you like. You can see if you hit it off and if the two of you don't, we can find you someone else you can talk with. Sound good?"
"I guess. It's a bit much to take in you know. But, I guess I want to get to the bottom of this. Let me know, Okay?"
"Of course Bill. And don't worry, I'm sure we'll be able to get somewhere. Maybe not all the way as I said, but I'm sure we can do something. Is there anything else while we're arranging things?"
"No, I'm quite sure that's all. I'll take that neurologists, I think you said, well his name and let you get back to your real patients."
"Don't worry Bill, you brought me my foul lunch today! And it's Neurologist. Let me see if I've got one of his cards," I can see here going through quite a pile in a drawer. "Ahhh, Yes, I thought I still had some of his cards. Here, Bill. Dr. Johanson is really good! I'll get that letter written this afternoon, and drop you a copy on my way home."
"I don't know how I can thank you enough."
"Bill, how long have we been friends? It's not a problem!" She says as we walk toward the door, surprising me by giving me a hug. "We'll get through this Bill. And, let Becky know what we're planning. She'll be happier knowing what's going on."
"Yea, she doesn't do surprises well does she! Thanks again Flo."
Continued… Will Bill go through with this? What will Becky say?
Please let me know if this is worth finishing... Or if it looks like it might be.
In which Bill talks to a lot of people. Nothing interesting happens and there are no confrontations. It all starts with...
Part 4 Later the same eveing...
"Becky, I got a chance to talk to Flo about my memory, or lack of one anyway."
"Oh, what did she say? Not to worry?"
"Nah, she said the fact my memory seems to stop suddenly is not normal. She said most folks gradually have fewer memories and/or less detailed ones. So, maybe all my years of joking about being a changeling were true!"
"Bill, quit the clowning will you. What did she really say?"
"Oh, everything but the changeling bit was what she said. She said that since the memory loss is so unusual, it might be possible to find out why, and possibly even get some of the memories back!"
"That would be nice, if only to get you to stop complaining about it!"
"Becky, I don't complain that often do I?"
"No, not really. But you do seem to not sleep as well every time the topic comes up. Maybe finding out some of it will help that go away. How's she suggesting you find out?"
"Well, she wants me to see a neurologist. I guess to rule out some sort of issue with my brain. I don' know what he'll see what with the lump of granite between my ears."
"Bill, you're doing it again!"
"What, Oh sorry honey. I didn't mean to. She also plans on referring me to a specialist in recovering memories. She said it might possibly be caused by some event my younger self was unable to deal with, and therefore blocked it off.
"Oh, that sounds scary."
"I'm not too worried Becky. Flo said the most common situation there is some sort of experience that a kid couldn't deal with. But also that most of them are pretty easy to deal with as an adult."
"That makes sense. Anything else Bill?" I can see she's still a little concerned about the last bit. I don't really blame her. Blocking off 10 years sounds like a lot to me!
"Flo also suggested I talk to a counselor a few times - before starting with the memory expert. That it would provide someone I was familiar with talking to, to help work through anything like that. I could just talk to you about all of them if you want? But I don't want to burden you."
"Bill, I love you, you knucklehead. I'd be glad to talk any time. But don't you think you'd rather look at these memories before you're telling me? While I doubt you killed anyone" she gave a brief chuckle, "you might find some of the memories a little embarrassing. I wouldn't tease you, much. I bet that's why Flo didn't suggest she talk to you about them. She figured you might be embarrassed talking to a friend!"
"Ummm. That's what she said, and I guess you're both right. Maybe I should talk to whoever Flo suggests. In any event, I've gotta make a buncha appointments. Flow dropped off a letter for the Neurologist, he's a friend of hers, and said she'd get back to me on the other two."
"There Bill, now, let's not worry about this any more! You're dealing with it."
"Okay Honey."
"Hello, this is Bill Wyman. May I help you?"
"Good afternoon Mr. Wyman. I'm Stephanie Watson from Dr. Johanson's office. Dr. Johanson asked me to give you a call to see if we could work you in this week. If you can come in early, I can squeeze you in before he goes to do rounds at the hospital. He's very busy, and doesn't have any openings in his calendar before the 3rd of next month."
"Dr. Johanson?" I say questioningly, then I recall that this was the name of the Neurologist Flo had mentioned. Wow, that's fast. She certainly has connections. "Oh yes. How early is that? Some days I can be pretty early."
"He indicated he could do it day after tomorrow, that's Thursday, at 8:00 am. Are you available?"
"Hmm. Let me check my calendar." Let's see, at least she didn't say Wednesday or Friday when I usually drop the youngest off at school... "Looks like I'm good for Thursday."
"Okay, since we have forms that are needed and there will not be anyone in the office to give them to you that early, I can overnight them to you if you like."
"Sure that would help. Would you include directions to your office in the packet?"
"Of course, but we're really easy to find!"
I gave her my address and she rang off. Well, it's moving forward, I guess. At the speed this call came through, Flo's really moving. I dunno whether to hope he finds something or hope he doesn't. Best get back to work.
"Sure Bill" it was Flo, I wonder what she's calling about, maybe she has some more name.
"Flo, I wasn't expecting to hear from you today. I just got back from dropping Genny at school. What's up?"
"Bill, I wanted to let you know I've not found a good memory specialist in the area yet."
"Oh. I didn't expect one this soon. You do have paying customers you know!"
Flo laughed at that. "Yes Bill, and I'm taking care of them. But, I did manage to find someone to start working with. Susan Flynn had a cancellation for Friday afternoon that you can take. That OK?"
"Friday - how late are we talking here? Genny's usually gets dropped off at home about 4:00."
"That's OK, it's a 1:30 appointment so you can easily make it back there. Are you between projects or something Bill?"
"No, the client doesn't mind us telecommuting a lot on this one, so as long as I have a day or two notice, I can juggle pretty easily.
"Great. I'll confirm your appointment. I think you'll like Susan. But if you don't hit it off let me know!"
"No problem Flo. I get along with most folks."
"I know you do Bill. Well gotta get back to the grind stone. I'll see you later."
Wow, things were moving right along. I've that form that should be showing up this morning too. Well best get back to this analysis.
"What - Oh, doorbell." I jumped up, and quickly walked to the door. I could see the mail truck out there, must be the forms.
"Yes?"
"I've a package for a Mr. Bill Wyman."
"That's me."
"Okay sir, would you please sign here?" And, after I signed "Thank you very much sir. Have a good day."
"Good day to you to." I closed the door after him, and looked at the return address. "Yep, the Neurologists. Well best be at it." I said to myself, as I walked back to my desk. Lets see, where was I. Okay, that's a good break. I can take a bit of time to get these forms out of the way.
Hmm. I wonder what some of these questions are all about. Good grief. Do I have any pieces of metal in my body? Like what, a cast iron stomach. Wait - I remember when Danny broke his ankle - they had to put pins in... Okay. But I still wonder why that one's there. I can understand the questions about surgeries and allergies and meds just about every doc I've seen asks those. Oh here's another obvious one. List any injuries to your head or spine. RIGHT. What's this Right Handed or Left Handed I wonder what that's about. Ahhh - I knew they had to have a release form somewhere. I'd best put Flo down too. I've seen some doc to doc reports before, and sometimes they're better than what I've seen face to face with the doc.
"Well, that takes care of that." I fired up google maps to check out and follow the directions. "Ahh. That's where they are. Not too far from the mall. Wait, mall... Why am I thinking about shopping... Right, I've two birthdays coming up in the next few weeks... Best take advantage of things and hit the mall after it opens tomorrow."
Wow. Getting up this early to go see a doctor isn't my usual thing, but at least it's better than my before the crack-of-dawn wakeups when I have to fly out for a client meeting. Should be a turn coming up soon. Ahh, there's Jefferson St. Now, down here on the right. Well, there's no missing THAT sign. I wish all the places I had to find were so easy. And, how nice can you get, reserved parking under the building. I bet even that fills up.
I popped out, and checked the listing. Ahh, only one floor up on the lift. I walked over to the lift as another guy walked up and got in. "First" he said.
"I'm heading there as well." I replied as I pressed the button. I let him head out first, and looked for a room number sign. "Hmm, I wonder if he's going to the same place I am" I said to myself. And I saw him unlocking one of the doors.
"Hello, Is that Dr. Johanson's Office?"
He turned around. "Yes. May I help you."
"Yes, I have an appointment with him in a few minutes."
"Oh, you must be Bill Wyman. I'm Stephen Johanson, come on in and we can get started."
"Hello Doctor. Dr. Broadhurst gave me this letter for you, and I've this pile of forms your office sent me to fill out."
He laughed at the last. "I bet you were wondering at a couple of those questions. Let me quickly read through this stuff. Florence told me a few things on the phone, but I really want to look through this before we chat. I'll explain the things you have questions on after that. Okay?"
"Sure Doc. Let me know." I wandered over and looked at some brochures on the wall.
"Okay Mr. Wyman. I've been through Florence's letter and your responses. I'm guessing you were wondering about the question about metal in the body and handedness. Right?"
"How did you guess Dr. Johanson?"
"Oh, I didn't read your mind. Almost everyone wonders about those two. The metal question is in case we need to do an MRI of you. The metal would react with the magnetic field. As to handedness. The brain developes slightly differently for left and right handed people There are some other variations as well, but most of them probably don't apply to your case."
"Thanks Doc. I was wondering about those two. Thanks for seeing me on such short notice!"
"Well, Florence indicated in your letter, that you had a significant block of memory loss. She also suggested that you didn't believe it was trauma related, since your family didn't seem to know of some event. So, that makes sense. There are two reasons I say that. First, the kind of trauma required to cause that amount of memory loss is not something others wouldn't remember, and you'd have been a while recovering. So, even if they didn't see the event, your family would have been through the recovery which would have been memorable to them. Second, with trauma induced memory loss, it's generally not permanent, except sometimes for the event itself and a little time around it."
"Okay doc. I'd kinda guessed some of that. What's left?"
"Well, there are a few more things that might contribute, and we can look at them. I'm not really expecting one of them to turn anything up. What I'd suggest is that we start with a CAT scan of your upper spine and head. I can then look to see if anything looks out of the ordinary. If something does show up, that isn't clear; we can dig deeper with an MRI. In addition, we'll do some blood work, to see if you have any unusual levels in some of the trace elements that support normal brain activity."
"Those are easy. I was worried you'd need to poke a hole or something."
"Well, I guess I could if you wanted me to, but I generally prefer to leave my patients intact."
I laughed at his joke. "Okay doc. If you'll give me the script for the lab, I'll get the blood work done now they're just a bit away aren't they?"
"That's right. If you go and talk to Stephanie, she can set up the CAT scan and a follow-up appointment after the scan, and I'll bring you the Lab referral in a minute."
When I got out to the reception area, I could see that someone was there. "Hello, Stephanie?" At her nod, I continued "Hello, I'm Bill Wyman. Dr. Johanson asked me to talk to you about scheduling a CAT Scan, and then a follow-up appointment."
"That man. I'll have to go check what he wanted scanned. You gave him the whole pile of papers I sent, right?" On my nod, "Well, I'll have to go grab that too, I need your insurance information in order to pre certify the scan. I'll be right back." and she was off. And before I could blink almost, she was back.
"Mr. Wyman, Dr. Johanson asked me to give you this blood work sheet. There's no need to fast for any of these tests. We should have the results back about a week after they're done. If there's anything requiring a follow-up, we'll be calling you. Otherwise, don't worry about it, and Dr. Johanson will go over what it means when you see him next. How flexible are you on when we can schedule the CAT Scan Mr. Wyman?"
"If you can give me a few days notice, I can be very flexible."
"Okay, how about I give you a call this afternoon and we can schedule the CAT Scan, and then the follow-up."
"Okay, sounds good to me." I then paid her my insurance co-pay and headed off to visit the vampires, and then to the mall.
Continued… How does Bill's visit with the Vampires go? What's next? Does he spend the morning in the mall?
Well, here are some more dribblings. Maybe something interesting will happen one of these days. Please feel free to speculate (I could use the ideas). Comments are appreciated!
Well, I talk to Flo all the time, and the other day wasn't too bad. I hope this works out! I wonder how a shrink's really going to help. Why did I agree to this? Well, best go in.
"Hello, I have an appointment with Dr. Flynn."
"Yes Mr. Wyman. Do you have a fowl bag for her too?"
I sighed. "No. I'm just here for my appointment."
"Sorry sir. But you and Flo went on so the other day, I couldn't resist. It was unprofessional of me."
"Oh, it's Okay. I assume you need me to fill out a hundred pages of information."
"No sir, just these 5. Let me guess, you've recently been through this somewhere else?"
I chuckled. "Yea. It gets old fast. It's too bad you don't all use the same form. Then I could just make a copy for you."
"I've thought the same thing, and they've talked about a standard form for the medical history and insurance part. But for now, you get to get a hand cramp. Sorry."
"I'll get it done and back in a bit."
Hmm. Yep. Usual stuff. I really wish I'd remember to put all this stuff onto a piece of paper so I don't have to keep fishing things out of my wallet. Ahh. I bet these are the shrink questions. Reason for Visit "Flo said it was a good idea. Yep. That'll do for now."
"Here's my life story."
She gave a little laugh "Okay, have a seat back down. The doctor will be with you shortly."
"Mr. Wyman?" I looked up from my magazine.
"Yes?"
"Hello I'm Susan Flynn. Shall we go into my office?" She led me back through a door, and indicated a small sofa - I guess they're called love seats or something. She sat in a captain's chair facing the sofa at an angle. "Were you looking for the bed or something?"
"Uhh, I guess so."
"Mr. Wyman, that's only in the cartoons or movies. And before you ask. No, this isn't my office either. We use rooms like this when meeting clients most of the time. It's intended to be peaceful and not induce stress."
"Stress, ummm. yea, I guess I can see how others would be stressed coming into an office to see a sh." I stopped.
"Go ahead and say it 'shrink'. I'm sure you've called Flo that and worse from the little she's said. And, I want you to know, she hasn't said much except that you're friends from way back and are possibly facing something that could get stressful. I also want you to be aware, I won't be talking to her, or anyone else about what we talk about without your explicit approval."
"Okay. I doubt that's necessary, but I guess it'll be helpful if something embarrassing comes up."
"Why don’t we start with you giving me some background? And, if you have some issue you want to talk about as well."
"Well" Sheesh. I can't believe how many times I've told the story in the past week, but here goes. "I appear to not have any memory prior to being about 10 years of age, and not many then. (Actually 4th grade to be specific). There are a couple of ghosts of things that might be memories in the time before then. Starting when I'm in 5th grade things are completely different. It's like someone flipped a switch. I can describe our house and even floor plan. I can describe my school - how to get from one to the other. What I played. What I did. It's like I’m two different people.
I used to joke that the reason I couldn't remember was because I was a changeling and of course I couldn't remember stuff from before I was swapped, since I wasn't around for it. But, nobody wanted to believe that. I guess it does sound a bit farfetched.
Up until last Christmas, I said I'd hurt my neck walking to school one day, and they gave me codeine several times a day for a week and that erased my memories."
"Interesting. Why did you say up until last Christmas?"
"I don't recall how it came up in discussions, but I trotted out my story about how I'd lost my memory, and my folks said nope, didn't happen... In fact, nothing close to it. No injury worse than a skinned knee. I was a bit dumbfounded let me tell you. I've no idea where that story came from now either."
"Sounds like an interesting problem. Mr. Wyman."
"Please call be Bill, half the time when I hear Mr. Wyman even now I look around for my dad."
"Of course Bill and you can call me Susan. Now, let me guess, you've decided to try to figure out what actually happened, if anything and why your memories are gone. Right?"
"If it wasn't so obvious, I'd think you were a mind reader Dr oops Susan."
She laughed a little at my slip. "Not to worry. So, do you have a plan? Knowing Flo, she's foisted something off on you that probably makes sense."
"Actually yes, and it is Flo's plan. I've already started seeing a Neurologist, to eliminate some physical cause of things. She's looking for a specialist in recovering lost memories, and she asked me to talk to you, since if anything comes up, it could be disturbing and it'd be better if I were talking to someone already."
"That sounds like the start of a good plan. There are some things we can do that might help you prepare."
"Oh?"
"Yes. Do you keep a diary by any chance?"
"No I tried once or twice when I was a teen, but it never took."
"Okay, well, I'd like to suggest you take some time over the next week, and jot down a list of the things you either remember, or think you remember around the time you think you lost your memory, and any time before that. I'd like to discuss them, and see what there is to see."
"How will that help?"
"It gives us a baseline of things you remember, and then, if anything comes up that is new, you know it's new."
"Oh, that makes sense. I guess we should talk about them too."
"We don't have to, but it might help me to know where you've been and perhaps be better equipped to help you if something does come up that's disturbing."
"Ahh, Okay. I can do that."
"We can discuss what you do remember and anything else you think of over our next few sessions. This also helps us have something to talk about which should help you be comfortable talking with me."
"Sounds like you're saying we should get together weekly? Is that it?"
"Yes Bill, I think we'll cover more ground that way, and I think you'll probably be getting some results at least from the Neurologist in a few weeks and we want to be ready to deal with any surprises."
"Okay, I'll see you next week Susan."
As I was making my appointment for the following week, Flo came out. "Hi Bill, you got a minute?"
"Sure Flo, let me set up next week's appointment first, and I'm all yours." I glanced down at my watch. "Though, I've only got about 15 minutes before I have to take off to be home for Genny."
"That'll do Bill. Go ahead and make your appointment. I'll wait."
When I'd finished that, we headed back to Flo's office. "Okay Flo, what's up?"
"I found someone that's had success recovering lost memories, and since she's new to the area, her practice isn't very full yet."
"Well, if she's anywhere near as nice as Dr. Johanson and Dr. Flynn, I'm sure it'll be great! I really liked them both."
"Stephen's a sweetheart. I'm a little surprised he was able to work you in already."
"I saw him yesterday morning before he went to the hospital. I guess he thinks my case might be interesting."
"Well, based on what he thinks is interesting, I hope it's not too interesting. He is the best though! But, back to the new specialist. She's a clinical psychiatrist that has been doing research into the causes of memory loss and recovering of lost memories. I chatted with her briefly, and I think you'll like her. She did indicate that her schedule isn't too full as yet, except for two afternoons a week, when she works at a clinic. So you should be able to get an appointment fairly soon. Like I did with Susan and Stephan, I only gave the barest bones of your background. I think it's best if you share it directly with them."
"Okay, I can do that. I almost wish I'd recorded the story, so I could have just played it back to all of them."
She laughed at this. "I understand that Bill. Well, here's her contact info. Someone should be in her office until 5:00 this evening." She must have seen my concern because she continued. "I'm not trying to push you Bill, well maybe a little, but finding her this soon, with these qualifications makes me feel like maybe you should push forward. You know me and playing hunches!"
"Okay Flo, I'll give her a call after I make sure Ginny gets started on her homework! Speaking of which, I'd best be heading home now."
"That's right. Now, don't forget to keep Becky up to speed with things. Sounds like things are moving a bit fast."
I flushed a bit. "Good point, I'd best talk with her some more tonight. See you later."
Later that evening, after the kids have gone to bed.
"Hey Beck, you got busy?"
She walks in to the room. "Not really, what's up Bill?"
"I just wanted to let you know how my memory search was going, or not going so far."
"Oh? You've done something already? You and Flo are actually moving on this?"
"Yea, I saw the neurologist yesterday morning, and will get a CAT scan to rule out any physical cause to my memory loss. I met the shrink in her office today, and she seems as nice as Flo."
"Oh, that's good. So, what else. From your eye, there must be more."
"Yes, Dr. Flynn asked me to make a log of all the things I either actually remember or think I remember from time I think I lost my memory and before. She said it doesn't matter if it actually happened or not, if you can believe that. The goal was to get a baseline of what I remember so that if some new memories are "shaken" loose, we have something to compare them with."
"That makes a lot of sense Bill. Sounds like she's pretty smart!" I laughed at that.
"I was going to let you see it too Becky - to see if you remembered anything I might have mentioned over the years, that I should add."
"Sure honey. I'd be glad to!"
"Oh, and Flo found a doc that actually specializes in the causes of memory loss, and in recovering memory! I didn't even realize there were really such people!"
"That's good news Bill. One question, with seeing all of these docs, when will you have time to get your work done?"
"I finish my current project next week, and it looks like I'll be on the bench a week or two after that. George said they were holding me for a big project here in town that was close to signing."
"Wow Bill, it's almost like someone was out there greasing the skids as it were. I'll be glad if that local project actually happens! It's so much easier with you in town. Ruth's pretty good helping with Ginny, but Craig can be a pain. I guess that goes with the territory." She paused then, and gave me a look, and I realize she's seen through me again. "Okay Bill, out with it. What else are you worried about?"
"I dunno Becky; I've gone over 30 years without those memories. While I'd love to be able to remember my grandpa & Grandma, I'm afraid that there was something bad that I didn't want to remember! I dunno. I guess I'm just nervous about the change and all."
Becky reached out, and gave me a hug saying. "Bill, don't worry, we'll work through anything that comes up. I'm here if you need me for anything you know!"
"Thanks Beck."
"Becky, here's that list of memories I've been able to come up with. You wanna take a look?"
"Sure, just put it with my bag. I'll look at it on my commute."
"Thanks honey."
That evening - after the kids are dealt with...
"Bill I was reading your list, and found one thing you've not mentioned before. What's this about a pink gown?"
"Oh, I just have this picture in my memory of a little kid wearing a pink ball gown. I'm guessing the kid's about eightish. It might just be me juxtaposing pictures from my mom's photo albums, but I don't recall that gown in any of them."
"Bill, maybe it's a memory of your missing sister!" Becky said excitedly "You know the one your Aunt Rachel talked about."
"I dunno Becky. It was kinda strange. But that'd be nice if it's real and not just my imagination. Anything else about the list?"
"Well, there was that memory you told me about - you , your brother and a girl climbing this big sand hill and sliding down in your under shorts."
"Oh yea, I'd forgotten that. Maybe that's another hint about the sister. I dunno though, when I think about it, it feels like my cousin; you know the one whose wedding we went to?"
"Okay, but you should put that down too."
"Thanks I will. This list was harder to come up with than I'd thought it would be. I was actually surprised that there were a few things. Maybe my memory isn't so screwed up after all."
"No Bill, but you don't remember as much as most of us do, so go ahead with trying to find out more."
The next morning
I wonder what this Dr. Wong will be like. Interesting name Katrina Wong. Well, no time like the present, and with this, I walked into the office. There was a nice looking red head behind the counter.
"Hello, I'm Bill Wyman. I have a 9:00am appointment with Dr. Wong."
"Hi Bill, I'm Katrina Wong. I don't have any staff yet, so, we can kill two birds with one stone. You can fill out the forms, and we can start talking about your case. Dr. Broadhurst only gave me a brief sketch of it over the phone, but it sounds interesting. Shall we head into the back? I don't have anyone else scheduled this morning, but the buzzer goes off if someone comes in."
"Sure Doctor. I'm afraid you're nothing like what I was expecting!"
She gave a laugh. "I'm afraid I get that a lot. This last name my parents saddled me with, don't you know! Go ahead and sit over there and hit the forms and I'll give you the two minute life story of Katrina Wong. It'll remove your confusion I think." She laughed again. I guess she laughed a lot.
"It all started when I was a wee child, living with my parents in Northern Ireland. Things were still pretty bad at the time. Mom was German, and Dad was Irish" she said pointing at her hair "I guess I get this from him. However, I was named after my mom's grandmother. In any event Katrina O'Meara I was. Then, a bomb took my parents. They were in their car and I was walking toward it. The bomb was in the next car. Apparently, I saw the whole thing. I still don't really remember it going up. I was shuffled around various aunts and uncles, but I guess I was hard to deal with, and was put up for adoption. I believe it was about 2 1/2 years later that my new parents the Wong’s adopted me, and brought me here to the states. They were very loving and were able to get me out of my shell. See, they couldn't have any kids of their own, and while they may have wanted a baby, they believed that older kids deserved a good home too. They were the best parents a girl could have wanted! And, the rest, as they say, is history. But that traumatic experience is one of the things that drove me to study memory, and I've found it a fascinating topic!"
"How're you doing on those forms? About done?"
"Umm, I think so" I said, as I handed them to her. She certainly is open about things. "I'm not used to hearing people give their life stories so readily."
Another laugh. "Sorry about that Bill. I actually use that as an icebreaker, sort of a way to let you quickly get to know me in a non-threatening manner. But, now it's your turn, well, at least I'd like you to describe your memory loss and what you do remember."
I told her my, by now routine, story of my memory loss, and the mistaken memory I had about the cause of the loss. I also mentioned that I'd made a list of those things I thought I remembered from that time.
"Well, you and your counselor should go over that list. I'd rather we NOT look at it at this point. Perhaps later we will. It will just depend on how things go. One thing I would like you to start doing though, is keeping a dream log. If you wake up in the middle of the night with a dream, or when you wake up in the morning, I'd like you to write down as much of the dream or dreams as you can remember. The same is true, if you find yourself daydreaming or taking a nap in the afternoon. Each entry in your dream log should be dated, and timed as well, if it's a single event."
"What good is that?"
"Well, if we're lucky, we'll be able to help you get some memories back sitting right here. Some of the activities we'll try have been known to have a delayed reaction and the memories show up as much as two or three days later as a dream. The difference being that the dream tends to reoccur and many times the events in the dream are confirmable through other means."
"Ummm, Okay I'll try. But now that you mention it, can you maybe go into what we might be doing?"
"Bill, My research has shown that memory loss can be caused by many things, and I've had good success in recovering some lost memories. The most common cause I've found tends to be direct viewing of some catastrophic event or experiencing something that the body just can't deal with. I've done work with many police departments helping crime victims recover memories of the crime so that the perpetrators can be found. They don't always remember the whole thing, and in some cases this is good, but they typically remember something that helps the police. For particularly traumatic experiences, these individuals also tend to need follow-up care to deal with the events."
"Okay, that's the what, how about the how?"
Authors Note: The following is made up, based on how I need the story to go. I'm aware that there is a lot more to it, that it doesn't work quite the way I describe and the protocols are not how I describe. Notes describing personal experiences in this area would be appreciated so I can improve the realism of the future sessions. Thank you.
"Okay." she laughed. "I've found several approaches effective, depending on the cause of the loss. Most of the time, a bit of light hypnosis with or without NLP can have amazing results."
"NLP? Sounds like something I use in my line of work."
"Oh sorry, that's Neuro-linguistic programming. It's not really neurologically based, nor is truly linguistic. It's more a study of how the words used encourage how we think about problems. In general, studies have had mixed results as to its effectiveness. However, my research indicates it can be a powerful aid to hypnosis."
"Ummm. You can't make me do things with hypnosis can you? That sounds kinda scary to be quite honest."
"Well, yes and no. I couldn't make you go rob a bank, or the like, unless you were going to begin with. What I can sometimes do, is tell you to remember something you may have subconsciously decided you don't want to know. I might even be able to get you to stand up and walk out, but things like the latter are much easier by mundane means, like insulting you. In addition, like most practitioners, I subscribe to a code of ethics where I promise to only use the tools to the benefit of our clients."
"Umm. Okay. I guess, if it'll help me remember. It still sounds worrisome."
"Perhaps a more concrete example of how NLP works would help. If I were to describe something as red and warm, you would immediately begin to think of things that were red and warm. So, the adjectives red and warm actually guided your thoughts to some extent. So you see I'm not FORCING you to think that way, but more encouraging the action.
"In addition, I'll be telling you when we're going to be using these tools, and when we're just going for memories without them. One thing with NLP/Hypnosis triggers for memory is that they don't always release the memory right away. It's as if the subconscious has to 'think' about it without your conscious mind interfering, so it does it while sleeping."
"Oh, that makes more sense now. Does the work ever turn up fictional things that parade as memories?"
"Yes, most definitely. We have to assume that many of the things you'll remember are in that category, until some corroborating evidence is found."
"Oh, like if I were to remember some event, and asked my folks about some of the details and they confirmed them, we could assume most of my memory about the event was actually a memory and not something I'd made up?
"Not exactly, but close. Even with events where memory loss is not involved, the brain fills in details, as if you store a shell description of an event, and it fills in the details whenever it's recalled. This is one reason that five witnesses to an accident will give five different versions. Many of the gross details will be the same, but many of the smaller ones will be different."
"So, what's the use in bringing up the memories or shells of them?"
"Well, in crime investigations, they provide clues to the detectives on what to look for, even though the memory itself is not admissible usually. In your case, it all depends on how much you want the memories. By coming this far, I suspect it's important to you."
"That's true I guess. I'm also nervous about what memories I might have hidden away."
"That's only natural. It's also why you have someone not involved in our work to talk with. You can safely assume that there will be SOME disturbing memories. Most people have a few, but you're much older than you were then and you'll probably be able to deal with them easier now. Again, your independent counselor will help you do that as well. You're not alone on this road."
"Okay, when will we start on this?"
"We can get a start next time. I'd like you to have a chance to think about all of this, and get a start on your dream log. You can also research NLP and hypnosis on the internet. Just be careful, a lot of the material is more fiction than fact it's sad to say. You might also talk them over with your counselor."
"Okay. Thanks. That sounds like good advice. When should we meet next?"
"I'd like to schedule regular meetings about the same time and day of week, since I've found that to work most effectively. Pushing faster doesn't seem to make things go faster, and slower lets your sub conscious fight us more." I laughed at this last.
"One more thing. Since your memory loss is so unusual, I'd like to keep a log of how we go, and what works and doesn't as far as recovering your memories, with an eye to eventual publication."
"I don't know if I like the idea that my memories will be out there for the world to see."
"Sorry, I should have been clearer. It's more a case where I describe the background, the type of event that triggered the memory loss, the approaches used in attempting to recover the memories and their relative effectiveness. No direct reference would be made to you, or your specific memories, other than the time scale of the memory loss."
"Oh, as long as I get the option to reject all or part, if I believe it's got personal info, I guess it's OK."
"Of course Bill. That's why I wanted to get your approval up front to even start!"
Okay then. I guess I'll see you next week."
"Hello Doctor."
"Hello Bill, I hope you've had a good week."
"Well, I met Dr. Wong for the first time on Wednesday, and they were able to squeeze me for a CAT scan yesterday, so I guess things are moving along."
"Dr. Wong would be the memory specialist Flo found for you?"
"That's right. We didn't do anything but chat and stuff this week. Did you know she’s Irish-German and adopted, and she got into studying memories because she lost some when her parents were killed?"
“Really, that’s interesting. Where did you get that information?”
“Dr. Wong told me while I was filling out my forms. I guess she was just filling time or something.”
“Well, it is a bit unusual for someone to tell you their life story at least on that side of the relationship.” I looked up at that, and saw a crease in her brow.
“Is there a problem Susan?”
“Probably not, but as I said it’s not a normal approach to tell clients our life stories. These sessions are supposed to be about you, not me or any other counselor. Lets go on. What did you think about Dr. Wong otherwise?”
“She seemed very nice, and she said she’d be trying several approaches, including hypnotism and NLP. I'm a little concerned with those, ‘cause from what I've been able to find online, it's possible and not uncommon for some practitioners to actually use those tools to cause the mind to make up memories they're asking for rather than dig out existing ones."
"That's true; they can be abused that way, or even accidentally used that way. There are several protocols that most use to avoid that as much as possible. If you're still concerned when you talk to her next, you should get her to explain how that will be avoided with you. You might also want to ask her about why she told you her life story. I’m sure she had a reason for it, but it is unusual, so finding out wouldn’t hurt. As the possibility of memory implantation is a genuine issue you need to be satisfied that you can trust her. I have to believe Flo she’s a professional with a good reputation otherwise Flo wouldn’t have referred you to her. We can try keeping an eye on things. If you can't be satisfied with her approach and trust her, you are better with a different practitioner."
"That makes sense. Oh, and I made that list you asked for, and I added a second part while waiting for my CAT scan yesterday. Its things I've heard my family talking about that happened to me, that I don't have any memory of, but I'd think I would." I said, as I handed her the list.
"Thanks Bill." she said as she took the list. "That's probably a good thing to look at as well." She looked down, and appeared to be skimming my list. I'm glad I retyped it. My handwriting can be tough or some folks to read and some of the things I put down yesterday were hard for even me to read, and I wrote it! "Well, Bill, this is an interesting list. Do you want to talk about any of these right now? Perhaps we should just hit them in the order you wrote them down."
"Okay. I guess you want to hear about that dress." I said smiling. There's not much to tell there. It's mostly a flash of memory, and a few impressions."
"Really, what did the gown look like?"
"It had a bright pink around the torso, sorta like you might see on a Disney princess, but with a more open collar. Then, it had these light bubble like sleeves that puffed out but only covered a bit of the shoulder and the arm down to here. I'm guessing they were just decorative or something. In any event, the rest of the dress, from the waist down, was two layers a solid layer and a transparent one. Both were the same light pink as the sleeves. The inner layer was kinda tight, but the outer one flowed around."
"That's quite a lot of details for something you said was a flash." I laughed at this. "Do you recall who was wearing the dress?"
"That's one of the impressions. It's sorta a feeling, and some deductive reasoning. As strange as it sounds, my first impression each time I think of this is that it's me wearing it, and I've worn it before. But, I figure it's probably someone I'm related to. See, if you look at the other list, the last item says I had a sister, and I don't remember having one. So, I kinda think this must have been little memory of that sister."
"Deductions are nice, but we need to keep straight what you remember and what you deduce. Also, while first impressions are usually accurate, they are certainly not always. Even if it was you, you would be far from the first boy to have been dressed once or twice in a dress or girls clothing."
"Really?" I sound a bit bemused at that. "Well, that's about it, except I get the impression that the dress was at my grandmother's house in one of the spare bedrooms. I know they had that kind of dresses there, because my mom has a picture of three of my much younger cousins dressed in similar dresses standing by the stair rail."
"That's interesting, why don’t we go on and talk about the camping experience? How much do you remember there?"
"Well, there's a brief flash as if I'm on a river in a canoe and something about Horses. But most of what I recall is a scary story that someone told at the campfire one night. Or I think that's when it was told. I remember bits of the story I think or maybe it's just I remember bits from Nightmares I had off and on for the next half dozen years or so. In any event the gist of the story is that there's a murderous recluse that lives in the woods across the farm from the camp. And, that he would occasionally visit the camp and steal one of the campers and do horrible things to him. I'd dream about being caught by Rudy, which was the guy's name, chasing me, and would wake up with him catching me. This happened at least once a month for years I think."
"Your note says this one is confirmed. How is that?"
"Well, my folks said I did go to a camp one summer about then, and the entrance is the way I described. Oh, I forgot to mention that to you. The entrance had a split rail fence with a wooden arch with the camp's name above it. Then there was a dirt road going in lined with these trees, sorta like you see in movies, the tops were roundish. In any event, my mom said the camp had canoeing on the river as well as horseback riding and archery and a bunch of the normal summer camp activities which I don't recall."
"That's interesting, and quite a vivid memory! I see from your list, this occurred a few years before you think you lost your memories."
"Yes, and based on what I've been able to find out, it occurred the same summer as the next one."
She looked down, "Oh, you mean the sliding down the hill. What can you tell me about that?"
"Well, apparently my uncle Bill had a stone quarry with a camp, and we spent a week out there the same summer. Oh, and well he was my great uncle actually and yes we were both called Bill, there are a lot of them in my family. Though none of us are Williams. It's funny really, but back to the thing. All I remember is me, my younger brother and a girl all wearing white under shorts climbing up and sliding down steep piles of sand over and over."
"Was this the same girl that you saw in the gown?"
"I don't think so, Becky, my wife, asked the same question. She also asked if I thought she was my missing sister."
"That was going to be my next question. Have you thought about who she was?"
"I don't know for sure. I get the impression she was my cousin, but I don't know for sure. I can never seem to see her face in my memory."
"Okay, going onto the next two. They are more recent and appear related. Do you think they happened?"
"Maybe, my mom said I got to do a drama class, and got to study extra stuff in 4th grade because I was tested during 3rd grade for being a dunce. Mom said I was flunking my classes so the school councilor got my folks to agree to have me tested to see if I belonged in Special Education. I guess I flunked that test too" I said chuckling "because mom said they found out I was smart and needed enrichment classes instead. I really think that's funny."
"You have memories of doing two plays. You mention a title for the first one. Do you recall anything else?"
"Oh yes." I said smiling. "This story was about an inventor that created a super computer that would match people with the best possible match. And to prove it out, he used it to match characters from various stories and movies. I played Peter Pan, and I was matched with Mary Popins! I guess the computer was supposed to figure that the boy that wouldn’t grow up belonged with the ultimate Nanny. But that's all I remember about the play. That and Mary Popins dragging me across the stage while holding one of my ears!"
"Did you ever try to find that story, and see if your memory was accurate?"
"I actually have two or three times, and I've never been able to find such a play."
"Interesting, how about the other play? You don't list a title, why is that?"
"That's because I don't remember it. I just recall that I was a ship's captain at home with a wife and daughter. I picture a scene in what might have been a parlor, but that's it."
"That's not much to go on to find the play. Am I correct in assuming you've not had success there either?"
"That's for sure Susan."
"How about the chocolate chips and studying Japan?"
"All I recall is this great big textbook with a picture of the islands on the top. And then I remember us all being given chopsticks and four or five chocolate chips. As long as the flat side wasn't down, I was able to manage picking them up. But that's it. I don't recall what I did with the ones that had flat side down."
She looked at my list again. "Hmmm, your story about Little League Baseball almost sounds like it belongs in the second list. Why did you include it here?"
"I put this one down; because it overlaps where I think my memory loss happened! I don't recall any baseball as a 3rd or 4th grader, despite my mom having a bunch of pictures of me playing both years! Apparently I played right field both years, you know where they put the guys that can’t really play but are on the team. And, ‘cause of league rules apparently I had to bat at least once in every game. Apparently, over the two years, my bat touched the ball a whole 3 times! I was apparently not much of a ball player. The strange thing is that the next year, when I was in 5th grade I was suddenly a good player. I was catcher for my team, playing the entire game, and hitting the ball safely at least once in every game! It's like there were two different boys playing!"
"It does sound a bit that way, but it's not unusual for boys to grow a bit between 4th and 5th grades, though I suspect it’s not usually quite that dramatic. I think that does belong in the interesting catalogue though." I laughed at that.
"And you have the memory loss story you explained to me last week You say that apparently didn’t happen. I just wanted to point out that there are times where when things happen to us that we don’t understand our subconscious manufactures an explanation that seems reasonable. It can be made up of real events, pieces of events, combinations of events, things we’ve seen or even out of nothing it seems. Unless you have more details you want to share, we can probably go on to the next list.”
“I don't think so.
"Okay then. Going on to your list of things that apparently happened to you, but you don't remember them. You mentioned the intelligence testing earlier. Not remembering testing is not all that unusual. But for most it's just temporary and only applies to that test. I do see why you added it though."
"What can you tell me about this fall in number 3?"
"Well, apparently I was chasing and being chased by my younger brother and stumbled and whacked my forehead against the patio in our back yard. My mom said she took me to some care center for some stitches. Then, on the way home, mom had to slam on the breaks to not get into an accident. Well cars back then didn't have seat belts or we didn't wear them anyway. Mom said I slammed forward and ripped open my stitches on the front seat. And, since the center was closed by then, we had to go to the ER for me to get my stitches put back. See, I still have the scar." I said as I lifted my bangs.
"That does sound like it would be an event most would recall something from. I see why you listed it. The next three are similar. I take it there are a lot of pictures or stories about you being with your grandfather?"
"Oh yes. Until dad got posted overseas, apparently we saw him and grandmother every year at least once. Us going there, or them visiting us. Mom's scrap books are loaded with pictures of him, and him with me and my younger brother. By the way, my brother has a bunch of memories of grandpa that aren’t in mom's pictures."
"I see, and as I said, the next two are similar, no memories of the houses you had on various posts and no memories of friends."
"What can you tell me about the last item? You referenced this item earlier as well."
"Yes I did. In any event, most times my wife and I visited Aunt Rachel, I guess technically she's my grade aunt, but we always just called her aunt. But when we'd visit, we could get her talking about when I was a kid. And most of the time when she was reminiscing, she'd tell tales of my mom and dad, and their daughter." From that, Becky and I figured she was talking about either a twin sister or older sister that died somehow. Aunt Rachel would always quit her stories mid way too. This was kinda strange; it was almost as if she wasn't supposed to talk about it."
"So she never would tell you more that the beginning of stories. I see why you might link this girl to the one in the gown. But don't put too much into that link. Has anyone else in the family talked about a sister?"
"No, nobody. And I don't know whether or not she really remembered, or was remembering someone else's kids."
"Well, you might be able to find out who or even whether there was another person."
"How would I do that?"
"In most places, birth records are public, and should be searchable. They allow this for genealogists. You could search out where you lived, and look for your own, and your sibling’s birth records."
"Wow, I never thought of that! I know where I was supposed to be born! It's on my birth certificate. Well a copy of it anyway"
"Ahh Bill, I hate to stop right now, but, we're getting ready to run over and the slave drivers out on the reception desk will probably be in here soon to rescue you if I don't take you back out."
I laughed a bit. "I'll see if I can track down some birth records. Maybe that will allow me to confirm one of my memories!"
"Okay Bill, how about you keep a dream journal. In this you should write down any dreams you get. The first few days, will be un-influenced by your other counseling sessions."
"Wow, she said to do that as well."
"Well, it's a common tool for work in this field. Don't forget in your thinking, to make an appointment for yourself for next week."
"Thanks doc. Just talking about them makes me feel better. See you next week." I said as I walked out, made my reservations, and hit the road in less than 10 minutes!
"Hey Beck, you want an update on the search for Bill this week?"
"Okay, have you found him yet?"
"No, but I've met the doctor that works with recovering memories. She's nice, but I'm a bit concerned."
"How so?"
"Well, it seems that it's possible for her to implant memories in addition to pulling them out of hiding. It all has to do with how things are done."
"That's not good honey! I don't want her changing you into someone else!"
"Nor do I. I want MY memories back, not some imaginary fiction of a memory! But, in my chat with Dr. Flynn today, she indicated that there are protocols and other controls that a reputable doctor will follow, so I'll be asking some probing questions on Wednesday I assure you! I won't go forward unless I'm satisfied!"
"I'm still a bit concerned by the idea that false memories can be made to happen. Maybe you should call this all off."
"I'm not ready to yet. I want to hear what the doctor has to say about avoiding this. Besides, I want to hear what the Neurologist had to say on Monday. And, if I still have concerns after I talk to her, we won't do anything, and I'll talk to Flo and Dr. Flynn. This seemed like such a good idea when we started."
"Okay, but I'm still not happy about this Bill."
"I know honey. I love you more than anything, but you know how much this has bugged me over the years. I don't want to quit before I know whether any of this has a chance. Okay Hon?"
"Okay you knucklehead. But let me know please!"
"Always!"
Monday Morning
"Hi, I've an appointment with Dr. Johanson."
"Oh, you must be Mr. Wyman. Please take a seat, the Doctor will be out shortly."
Then, a few minutes later. "Mr. Wyman, the doctor will see you now." She said as she indicated the door. I headed over and went into the same office we'd chatted in last week.
"Hello Dr. Johanson."
"Hello Mr. Wyman, we've gotten some interesting results from your CAT scan."
"Oh? Interesting good or interesting bad?"
"Neither in and of themselves. But before you worry, let me tell you what I've found. First, I found a mass of scar tissue near the base of your brain. It's an area about the size of a nickel. The scar tissue should have no effect on memory loss but, it might point toward some event that occurred. The second thing I wanted to mention is the pattern of brain development. Are you sure you're right handed?"
"Yes, I've always, as far back as I can remember, used my right hand. Why?"
"Well, your brain growth pattern is not consistent with a right handed male. Is there any history of left handed ness in your family?"
"Sure, my younger brother, and my mom's Dad. Would being left handed account for the difference?"
"Not completely, but I've seen some of the pattern the scan showed on individuals that had been left handed and forced to switch to right handed. They used to do that a lot, but if your younger brother is left handed, it's not likely that they forced you and didn't force him so I'd tentatively rule that out."
"What does it mean doctor?"
"Not much by itself. The brain is a very complex object, and no two grow exactly the same way. Handedness and sex are both big drivers in how the brain develops. But, there are a myriad of other factors as well. In addition, even those two big areas show great variation. So the pattern of growth doesn't directly tell us anything. When combined with something else, it may give you some useful information."
"Oh, okay. Like it could provide a direction for research, but not answer the question itself. I can go with that."
"At this point Mr. Wyman, I don't think additional testing, an MRI or more blood work makes sense. If you find some more information in your other approaches, it might provide us with more avenues to search."
"Thanks Dr. Johanson. Is there any way to tell how old the scar tissue is?"
"Well, I can tell it's not recent. I'd have to guess at least 30 years based on healing pattern, but I can't be more explicitly than that."
"Thanks again Dr. Johanson. What now?"
"Well Mr. Wyman, first I wish you good luck and escort you on your way. Then I come back here, and slave over the report I'll provide Dr. Broadhurst as the referring physician. Is there anyone else you want me to copy on the report?"
"Could you send it to Dr. Flynn in the same office as well? I'm seeing her more than Flo since Flo is a long term friend."
"Sure. Well good luck Mr. Wyman!"
Wednesday Morning
I hope she has some good answers for me. I'd hate for this to have all been for naught. Well, here goes nothing, I thought to myself as I walked into the office. There she was behind the desk again.
"Hello Dr. Wong."
"Hi there Mr. Wyman, I'll be right with you." She said as she bent back down and wrote a few more things in a chart. "Okay, shall we head back?"
"Sure."
"Well, do you have any questions for me based on what we talked about last week?"
"Actually, I've got a lot!"
"Really, that's actually good. I prefer my clients to think about things, and I know I gave you a LOT to think about! What do you want to talk about first?"
"Well, my regular therapist was a little surprised when I said you'd told me about your history. She said it was not a normal approach."
"That's very true; in school we're taught that the sessions are about you, the client not us. And, in most ways, I agree with this. However, I've found that many people find that my having been through the loss of memories due to a traumatic experience, in my case seeing my parents blown up and recovering some but not all of my memories around that event, is reassuring. It lets you and my other memory clients know that I understand personally what it feels like to know intellectually that I was there, to look at pictures showing me there but not be able to recall it. I believe this is one step in establishing the trust you must have for me for our work to be productive and ultimately helpful to you."
"That sounds reasonable right now anyway. I wish you'd said that last week though. I prefer to not go into that except with the clients that bring it up. It's rarely an issue with the vast majority, as they are just trying to recover some details surrounding an accident or crime that was perpetuated on them. What is the next area?"
"I understand that Hypnotism and NLP is it, well anyway, that they can as easily implant memories as they can help one recall things that they thought were forgotten."
"That is very true. Those of us that use these techniques have developed quite a number of protocols and techniques to avoid that. I'm afraid we can't completely eliminate the possibility, but we can reduce the likelihood and we can increase the likelihood of recognizing when an episode is not a true memory, but something the brain developed based on some outside stimuli."
"I don't want to over minimize the danger of an unethical practitioner! There HAVE been cases where people’s personalities have been significantly changed and entire pasts changed as far as they were concerned. While brainwashing, as it's called in literature and the movies, isn't as easy as some would have you believe, it is possible to achieve much the same results."
"Whoa. That's really scary!"
"It should be. Luckily, at least I think so anyway, you don't have to worry about anything that extreme." She said smiling. "There are several reasons. First, I follow the protocols very carefully, and I record all sessions for later review. Here, I'll show you what I mean." She hopped up, becoming me to follow." There in another room was what appeared to be a couple of web cams and microphones. "Here's where we would have your sessions where we used hypnotism or NLP to try to get to your memories. The cameras and microphones record everything that goes on in the room and transmit them to the servers in the next room where they are written to optical media. That way it can't be erased, and a permanent record exists. Only one client per disk set so your sessions would never be linked with anyone else’s."
"Doc, how does that recording help stop the false memories."
"It doesn't. What it does is help us recognize when an apparent memory might have been prompted by an injudicious use of words on my part or is likely a true memory. The protocols are what help us avoid giving you a false memory."
"What do you mean by protocols? In the pharmaceutical industry they describe how a trial is to be performed."
"It's basically the same here. The protocols describe how we attempt to get you to recall an event or fact that you knew at one time but have forgotten. For example, if you'd gone on a big vacation to Hawaii 15 years ago, and while there you were mugged and didn't recall who did it and facts around the event, we might start with asking you to describe your trip to Hawaii. Then what you did when you got there, then describe your hotel. All of these being non threatening things that you would know and are easily verifiable. We might ask you to describe the person that handled your check-in at the hotel. Following events like this we could work toward the actual event itself. All this time, you would be in a semi-trance state, and I would be monitoring your appearance, breathing and such to see if you appeared under stress. If we were concerned that the event in question was particularly stressful to you, we might monitor some extra things like blood pressure and pulse." She walked over to what looked like a comfortable lounge chair and beckoned me over. "See here's the sensors we would connect if we needed to be even more careful. The outputs of the sensors are displayed over there." She said pointing. "They're also stored with the verbal and video information."
"Um all that sounds nice, and thanks for showing me this."
"I just want you comfortable with the process Mr. Wyman. If you're not, it's very hard for us to work."
"I see that. If we do this, and I'll tell you I'm still very nervous, can you give me a quick rundown of what we would try to do?"
"Sure. We'd start out talking to help you get comfortable. Then we would induce a light trance state to help you relax, specially your conscious mind. Some folks use similar techniques on their own for relaxation. But back to what we would do. Once in this state, I would guide you to finding a place, for lack of a better term, where you are safe. This will be something/somewhere that you’re subconscious believes you are safe. Once this is established, we would work on getting you to your safe place and leaving it a few times just to make sure you can get there easily. We'd finally come up with a trigger phrase that would cause your sub conscious to take you directly to your safe place while in this state. This is VERY important, if you start experiencing a bad physical reaction to some memories you may be experiencing! In any event, every session would start with you going to your safe place, and end back there at the end. And then, I'd talk you back out of your place to the current and out of the trance."
"How does hypnotism and NLP fit into all of this?"
"Well, sometimes hypnotism is used to help a client achieve the trance state. It's used more as a relaxation tool. NLP is used to help guide the session. One example is the trigger phrase that returns you to your safe place. For example, you know what I would mean if I said 'go home'. NLP works that way by directing your sub conscious using words and phrases that you easily understand and react to in a predictable manner. That's also how it can be abused. Is that making things clearer for you?"
"It's making more sense. I think I need to think some more on this though before starting. It sounds a bit scary. I'd also like to talk it over with my wife."
"That's quite understandable Mr. Wyman. Why don't we call it a day then, and schedule some time next week after you've thought this through and talked to your wife and I'd suggest your therapist as well."
"Thanks for your understanding Dr. Wong. I really hope I'm not wasting your time!"
"Oh, it's not a waste Mr. Wyman, I think we'll be able to work things out, and if not that's the way things go. Have a great week."
"Bye." I said, on my way out of the office. "Oh boy is Becky going to love this... It sounds good, but it's also a bit nervy. Well, I wonder what Dr. Flynn will say on Friday.
"Bill, how did it go today?"
"I don't know Becky, I really don't know. She answered all my questions and then some, but she also scared me more than a bit."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, if I understood what she said, it's easier to cause false memories to show up than it is to get real memories to surface. She explained a LOT of how ethical practitioners work to avoid doing this, and she also showed me a lot of the tools she'd use to recognize a possible memory is manufactured rather than real. That part was a bit reassuring."
"And?"
"Well, I then asked how a session would go. That was a bit nervy too. It would start out with me being put into a mild trance. That alone bothered me. You know how much I like to be in control of what I'm doing."
"That's putting things a bit mildly Bill! But, go on. That can't be all."
"No, the next bit's Okay. It's a bit of a guided finding of a safe haven in the head sort of thing. I'm guessing it's like that centering notion we hear about in some of the fiction. When she told me one of the reasons for the safe place, I was a bit concerned."
"Oh, what now?"
"She described how she would approach lost memories by giving an example of a mugging victim. First starts at a time before the mugging when the person is safe, and encourage a memory out, then do the same closer and closer to the mugging."
"That sounds reasonable, but can't be all. What bothered you?"
"Well, she said that one of the uses of the safe place is an emergency retreat spot, if the recovered memory becomes too hard to bear. She even went so far as to show me some biometric sensors that are used when it is expected that a memory could be hard."
"Wow. I see how that would bother you. I get a bit shaky even thinking about it!" She visibly shook her self then. "Have you thought more about whether you want to go through with this?"
"I have, and I'm a bit more hesitant. I want to talk to both Flo and Dr. Flynn about it, and whether it's safe."
"Bill, I think that's a good idea. As a matter of fact, I'd like to talk to Flo with you. I love YOU, and don't want anything to happen to you!"
"Thanks Becky It’s a bit late to call Flo at home now, How about I call her in the morning, and see if I can schedule any time. Can you get off?"
"I'll just say I have a doctor's appointment Bill. Don't worry. There's nothing really big going on right now anyway."
"Thanks Becky." I said as I grabbed her in a big hug.
Thursday Morning
"Hello, Flo"
"Yes, who is this?"
"Flo, its Bill Wyman. I'm really sorry to bother you so early in the morning, but I wanted to catch you before you were off to the office or somewhere."
"What's up Bill? Is there a problem?" She sounded concerned.
"Do you have some time to talk about Dr. Wong and recovering memory with Becky and me? We both have concerns and were hoping you could help."
"Bill, of course. I doubt I can squeeze you in today. Let me see if I can work something out for you tomorrow. Is that okay?"
"Thanks Flo. We really appreciate this!"
"Hey, what are friends for?" I could hear the smile in her voice.
Thursday Afternoon
[Author's Note: The following section occurs chronologically, but as will become apparent, Bill isn't aware of it. The initial character is Dr. Flo Broadhurst... As to the letter and report Flo receives... Well...]
"Ahh, Dr. Johanson's report. Probably interesting reading, even if there's nothing to find. Let's see..." She said to herself as she opened the envelope
"Oh my goodness." she said as she started reading. "This is amazing." getting to the report. "I can't believe Bill's not concerned. Stephen must not have said anything more than that there was scar tissue. I'd better give him a call. Glad his numbers still in the recently dialed list. Hope he's able to pick up."
"Hi Flo, guess you got my note. I was expecting a call."
"Hello Stephen, I take it caller ID gave me away."
"Yep, the miracle of modern telephony. What can I do for you Flo?"
"It's about your report on Mr. Wyman."
"I figured that. I tell you, I was disturbed by the implications of what I saw."
"That was apparent from your cover letter Steph. What I want to know is how much you told him?"
"Ahh. I told him that he had some scar tissue at the base of the brain, and that it couldn't have caused the memory loss in and of it's self. That's about all. Hopefully you can figure how much of the detailed report, and maybe my suppositions, to tell him. I find the very idea worrisome."
"Okay, thanks Steph." she said as she rang off, thinking... "I think it's a good thing Bill and Becky are coming over tomorrow morning. This may well be more disturbing than anything Bill's done on memory retrieval so far." With that, she stood up, and headed out to the reception.
"The appointment I scheduled for Bill & Becky Wyman tomorrow morning. I'm afraid it may take up the whole morning. I know I said you could schedule things for the morning but you'd better not."
"What happened doctor?"
"Something just came up. Is Susan with a client?"
"Not right now doctor, I think she's working on notes right now."
"Thanks." She said, as she headed for Susan Flynn's office.
"Susan, have you looked at the Neurology report from Dr. Johanson on Mr. Wyman?"
"No, is there something in it?"
"I think you should take a look now, and then we can talk."
Susan went through her inbox, and found the report. "Hmmm. My... That's quite a report Flo."
"Take a look at this Susan." She said as she handed the cover letter she'd gotten.
She sat down as she read. "Oh my. I can't imagine this going over well with him."
"No. I’m sure. Luckily he and his wife were coming in to talk to me about Dr. Wong and memory retrieval in the morning. Do you think you can clear you schedule in the mooring if we need it?"
"Let me look. Depends on who's coming in." She looked through her list for Friday. "Well, if they can move my 10:00 into Mr. Wyman's afternoon slot, then I think so. I'm blocked from 10:00 to 11:00 or 11:30."
"Thanks. I'm guessing that Bill won't mind swapping for the morning. I'll ask them to see if they can get your 10:00 moved. See you in the morning."
Flo went back out to the reception. "I just talked with Dr. Flynn. She wants you to give her 10:00 am client a call, and see if moving to Mr. Wyman's slot in the afternoon is possible. If it is, go ahead and make that change. Please let both of us know."
"Yes ma'am."
"Hello, Dr. Broadhurst, Dr. Flynn's 10:00 am was able to move to an afternoon slot this week."
"Thanks, Dr. Flynn will be busy with me in the morning."
Friday Morning
"Well, I hope Flo can help us with this one Bill."
"Thanks for coming along Becky. This memory thing is unsettling me."
"We're a team remember? We said so oh so many years ago! You've always been there for me. This time, I'm there for you!"
"Thanks Beck" I said as I gave her a hug. "We'd best go in."
"Hello, we're Mr. and Mrs. Wyman to see Dr. Broadhurst."
"Yes sir, just a moment." she pressed a button. "Dr. Broadhurst, you asked me to let you know when Mr. and Mrs. Wyman were here."
"Thanks, I'll be right out."
"Hi Becky, Bill" she said as she came out. Let's head on back to the dungeon."
"Bill, Becky, I just got Dr. Johanson's report. Becky, that's the neurologist I sent Bill to. Why don't we go over them before we talk about memory retrieval? That okay."
"Why not Flo." said Becky, and I nodded.
"Right, I asked Dr. Flynn to join us since she's your therapist Bill, and is aware of the contents of the report since you asked Dr. Johanson to send it to her as well."
There was a quiet knock about then.
"Come on in Susan." Said Flo, raising her voice a bit. "Becky, this is Dr. Flynn." She said as she indicated another chair in the room. "Well Bill, Dr. Johanson had a bit to say in his report. Perhaps you two would like to read the report." said Flo, as she handed each of us a copy of the report.
Becky was the first to react "Oh my Go..."
[Author's Note: Here's what Bill and Becky read. Perhaps you should look over their shoulders and catch up. I should also note that as far as I know, getting the depth of detail I'm assuming here from a CAT Scan, Dr. Johanson's report and conclusions aren't actually supportable in today's technology. Hey, maybe I'm wrong and one of you will tell me. The information may be available through additional testing (MRIs, etc.) but that sounds kind of booring to me so I'm cutting things short. Please forgive me.]
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Now back to our story.
"Becky, don't go ballistic on us. At least not yet."
"Yet" she almost yelled, "What do you mean by YET!"
I put my arm around her. "Flo, perhaps you should talk to us some. This is a bit to take in, and a whole lot more disturbing than what Dr. Johanson said when I saw him at the beginning of the week!"
"I know Bill. I talked with him yesterday afternoon after reading his report and cover letter. That's one reason Dr. Flynn is here with us now, rather than waiting for your regularly scheduled appointment this afternoon. I hope you'll forgive me for getting your time switched for this morning. I also want you to know that I hadn't gotten this when we talked yesterday!"
"Okay Flo, but what does it all mean? All the words make sense, but not in relation to me!"
"Really Flo, I find this report VERY disturbing. Why wouldn't Bill's parents have mentioned one of those three things happening? Are you SURE that Dr. Johanis is any good? I mean this doesn't make sense!"
"Becky, that's Johanson not that changes things. I've known Stephen since school. He's one of the tops in his field. He prefers practice to lecture, though he's got open invitations to join the faculty in several of the top schools in the country. If he says it's true, then it is. But, he didn't put all of his thoughts into the report. He included some in a cover letter to me, and I think he's still not including all of his conclusions. Here, read his letter too. You can take his speculation there as seriously as the report you've already read. Bill, I'm really sorry this is coming at you this way but I think getting it all at once is probably better than a bit at a time!"
"Okay Flo, but it bothers me a bit that he told you this, and left a lot of it out of what he told me in the office."
"I can understand your angst at that Bill. But, he said the reason was that he knew it had some very disturbing elements, and he felt that you might find it less upsetting from me." At which point, she handed us both copies of a letter.
[Author's Note: Here's the letter. Same caveat as above. This is even more fictional.]
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Now back to our regularly scheduled story.
Becky was sitting there opening and closing her mouth, as if she couldn't figure out what to say. I'm afraid I wasn't in much better condition just sitting there not saying much of anything.
"Bill? You still with us?" I guess my glassy eyed stare was giving me away. I shook myself a bit.
"Umm, I guess so. This is a LOT to take in right now. How come you're so calm about it?"
"Two reasons actually Bill. First it's not me. But the bigger reason is I've had most of a day to digest this."
"Well, what do you think about this now?" Becky responded. "I mean if we discount the cancer surgery as the doctor suggests, we're left with two VERY disturbing options. Does either make any sense to you? I mean, he was a KID at the time! He was about Genny's age!"
"Becky, Bill. I find the whole thing disturbing. But, I have to ask you a question now. Do you still want to find out what happened? A lot has happened since then. Just dealing with knowing something horrible happened may be disturbing enough."
"Flo, I don't know about Bill, but if someone did something to him that caused his memory loss, I want them!"
"Easy Beck, I'm still me you know, even if I don't know what happened. But yes Flo, I think it's even more important that I find out what happened! If some doctor did this to me, he may have done it to someone else. And then WHY? Why hurt a kid?"
We went on talking for another hour or so. After a bit it became apparent, to Flo and Susan anyway, that we were talking in circles. I suspect that's why Dr. Flynn stepped in. "Mr. and Mrs. Wyman, you've gotten a lot of information today. Some of it has been very disturbing. I think you may want to take a bit of time and think about it and then talk together some more. Mr. Wyman, I can give you another session Monday morning, if you think it'd be helpful, and Mrs. Wyman, I'm sure Flo or someone else on the staff could spend some time with you. I think it would help you both to work through what your thoughts are about this on your own, and together. A person doesn't find this kind of stuff out every day!"
"Ummm. Yea Dr. Flynn, I think that might be a good Idea."
"Flo, I'd like to work though this on my own a bit, if you don't mind. I'll give you a call, if I need to chat. However, we've not even discussed what to do about Bill's memories and Dr. Wong."
"No Becky, we've not discussed that. And, at this point, until Bill and you decide whether to go forward or not, I don't think we need to, do you?"
"Not really Flo. But, why might we not want to go forward and find out what happened?”
“Well, now I’ve had time to think about Dr. Johanson’s notes a bit more than you have. And, if it wasn’t surgery that caused the scar tissue, the other two options don’t sound like something that could be done accidentally. That makes me wonder who and why it was done. I’m sure there are many people when faced with that consideration might decide they really don’t want to know. The old ignorance is bliss thing.” I guess she could see that bit finally sinking in to both of us, because she continued “Just remember, whatever you decide, I’ll be here to help! And, I’m sure you have other friends that would be just as willing to help if the decision is to go forward!”
“Wow Flo, I think I’m glad you added that last little bit. Are there any OTHER little bombs you want to drop on me today?”
“No Bill, I think that’s quite enough. I just wanted you to hear it here and not think of it over the weekend, say in the middle of the night. You two both do need to get some sleep as well this weekend. It won’t do you much good, I know easy for me to say, to spend all your time thinking and talking in circles. It also won’t do the kids much good. One of them would be sure to notice.” She said this last smiling. She knows our kids too well and, I guess she’s right that just one would be likely to notice. The other two tend to be less observant.
“Thanks Flo, and that last point is telling, we’d best tell her something, so she doesn’t worry the other two. And, we do have a lot to think about this weekend don’t we Bill.” I just shook my head in agreement. It’s been a LOT to take in!
“Well Bill, how about you and I go and get a light lunch and then head for home. I'll call in sick for the rest of the day. And we can talk when we need.”
“Yea, that sounds good Beck. Thanks Flo & Dr. Flynn.”
Flo gave us both hugs, and I realized this disturbed her too. When we got to Dr. Flynn she nodded, and shook our hands as we were leaving. “Be well you too, and remember we’re here for you at any time!”
"After that, I'm not very hungry Bill."
"Nor am I Becky. Why don't we just go get a bowl of soup at the diner? We should be early enough that not many are there."
Becky responded with a nod, and we walked down to the diner. We were able to get a small corner booth which gave us the illusion of some privacy. "I don't know if I really want to know what happened now Beck. What if it's something awful!"
"Bill, I think NOW you have to do something. It sounds like someone DID it to you. I mean what if they did it to others or are even still doing it!"
"Don't say that Becky. Surely not."
"Why not? If they'll do it to kids once, they will again!" Uh oh, it's sounding like Beck's going to turn this into one of her crusades.
"Beck, this is ME. What if..."
"Bill, what could they do to you today? You're an adult. Nobody can do things to you without your permission!"
"Uhuh. Well, let’s finish our soup and get home. Beck, I gotta think some more on this, okay? "
"Okay Bill, I guess I am a bit hungry now."
Later that afternoon
I walked in to talk to Becky, "You win Becky, but how do we figure out what caused the memory loss? I'm at a loss."
"Well Bill, I can think of two, okay three, ways we might go about this."
"What was the hesitation about how many ways?"
"I'll get to that. But, we can obviously talk to your mom and dad about stuff back around the time you think your memory went away. Maybe they know something they didn't say last time? Maybe they'll remember something that will trigger something for you. We can also check records of your school about then. There might be a file or something that has some hints."
"Okay, I guess those make sense. But what's the third way?"
She gave a sigh, "I don't like to say it, but if we don't get much either of those ways, we may have to go with that memory doctor."
"You're kidding aren't you?"
"No Bill, if we can find some way to make sure it's just recovering memories, we may have to!" I could see the concern in her face, but I could also see the determination. She wasn't going to let go of this idea anytime soon.
"But Beck, you were the one that was really against it!"
"I know Bill, but if it's the only way to find out. Maybe we should talk with Flo or your Dr. on Monday. Maybe one of them will have some ideas."
"Okay. Maybe anyway. Let's see if we can get anything from mom and dad first please?"
"That's fine Bill, but we need to be careful how we ask. I don't think they'd have agreed to something that would hurt you, but they might not have known it would. Maybe they noticed something."
"Kay, maybe we can go over tomorrow."
"That might work Bill. It gives us time to have a chat with Ruth. She'll be home this evening anyway; she wanted to get some things for a costume. Apparently her hall goes all out for Halloween."
"I'd completely forgotten that one of us had to go pick her up this afternoon. I'll talk to her on the way home. That way, she won't say something in front of the other two." I said, then thinking about the rest of what Becky had said, "That she wants something is no surprise, she's always been the most creative of the kids on costumes. Do you remember that dark angel costume she and one of her friends made about six years ago. They must have put hours into those wings!"
Becky laughed at that "Yes, I hope she doesn't plan to put that kinda time into one this year. She'd be better off putting the time into studying!"
"I wouldn't worry about that Beck. She's got her head firmly on her shoulders! We can just hope Craig settles down before he gets to the Uni."
"We can hope. He's better this year, and so far Ginny's taking more after Ruth than Craig."
"Yea, she adores her big sister! Well, I'd best get on the road so we can get back in time for Dinner. Ginny'll be home in a bit."
"Don't worry Bill. We'll get through this too!"
"Thanks Beck."
Getting into the car, and then on the way home from the Uni with Ruth (18).
"Is that all we need for the weekend Ruth?"
"That's it dad. It okay for me to borrow the car a couple of times this weekend to scrounge up some costume parts?"
"Sure, you mind dragging Ginny with you some? She's still not settled on a costume."
"That's okay dad, she's a good kid!"
"Ruth, I need you to put your serious hat on for a few minutes."
"What's up dad? Sounds serious!"
"I don't know how serious it is, but your mother and I wanted you aware of something going on so you didn't say something to clue in Craig or Ginny."
"Oh, well, you certainly have my interest dad!"
"You recall my memory problem don't you?"
"You mean that you're an Alien from outer space exchanged for a human whe you were around nine?"
"Yea, that's the problem. I've decided to try and do something about it. Sort of a search for my past as it were."
"That sounds fun, but why the mystery?"
"Well, you remember that my mom and dad said that my old codeine rationale for the memory loss was so much fiction don't you?"
"Uhuh. You seemed kinda shocked when your mom said she didn't know what you were talking about. Don't tell me they've changed their minds!"
"No. Not yet anyway. But, after a chat with Flo, I'm doing some things to try and work out where my memory went. She's got me seeing a shrink, if you can believe that! But that's supposed to give me a neutral person to talk to about things if memory comes back. She also sent me to see a neurologist to eliminate a physical cause to my memory loss, and that's where this chat comes from." I glanced down at my watch to see how we were doing for time.
"Don't tell me he found something!" That's my Ruth, right to the point.
"Well, sorta. He found some scar tissue at the base of my brain." I heard her catch her breath at that. "He also said that wasn't the cause! At most a side effect of whatever did the deed."
"Oh, that's good."
"Well, maybe not." I'm sure she was staring at me now.
"Dad! Don't stop now. What are you saying?"
"Well, he said the pattern of scaring could have been caused by three things. The first was removal of a tumor." I could hear the breath catch again, so I reassured her. "But he also said that was probably not the case, due to the pattern of healing around the scar tissue. Something like it not being appropriate for removal of a tumor of the size indicated by the scaring."
"Okay dad, now what are the other two?"
"Well, they're both things that someone would have had to inflict on me, shock treatments or drugs of some sort."
"Oh dad, that's horrible!"
"Your mother used some stronger terms when she read the report." I said, trying to lighten the mood in the car. I think if Flo hadn't interrupted, she'd have blistered my ears."
"Dad, you're kidding. Mom never says things like that."
"I think she was going to this time. And, I might have been right behind her. In any event, after some cooling off, we decided that it might be a good idea to find out what happened, and if possible get some of the memories back."
"Okay dad. How does that affect me?"
"Well, we figured you'd recognize that something was going on, if not this weekend then on one of your trips home or when talking with mom or me. So, we decided to let you know in advance, so you'd not ask awkward questions in front of Craig or Ginny."
"Thanks for trusting me with this dad. You know I'll help any way I can."
"I know, and tomorrow, we're going to ask you to keep Ginny with you a few hours in the afternoon. Your mom and I are going to visit my folks for a bit, to see if they can remember anything about that time that might provide us some clues!"
"Okay dad, costume shopping will chew up a bunch of that time! What about the Craigster?"
"He'll probably be off with his friends practicing. The band is playing a gig next weekend. I guess they're starting to be okay. I'm just glad they do their practicing at our place every fourth week or so." Ruth actually laughed at that one.
"Dad, they're more than okay. They probably even play some music you'd like, if you'd take the time to listen."
"I know and yea, I guess its okay. I just don't enjoy the same song over and over and over again. I know, I know. You have to practice things like that, to get it right. I just don't have to enjoy hearing it do I?"
"No dad. And don't worry about Ginny. I'll take care of the little kid."
"Thanks Ruth."
"Well Bill, that was illuminating, don't you think?"
"Ummm. I dunno Becky, it was mostly just more stories of stuff I don't remember. How's that different from anything else?"
"Well, I see a couple of differences here. First, there's confirmation and a bit more information about your baseball playing. It seems you were reluctant to start playing in 3rd grade, and may as well have not been playing to hear them tell it. Your dad sounded a bit disappointed that you didn't seem very interested, but in 4th grade, you seemed more interested and he was happier. He also confirmed that you really were more interested in 5th grade and became a star player! I'd say that's information. That points to something changing. They also talked about the special class you and two friends got to take in 3rd and 4th grade. They said you and the two girls were such big friends that you were called the three musketeers ‘cause where one was, you found the other two. They said your friendship started before kindergarten! Your folks sounded a bit surprised when the three of you seemed to break up during 4th grade though. In any event, maybe we can find them and compare notes." I could almost hear her ticking down a list in her head. "Then, there's that class itself."
"What about the class. Sounded like a special enrichment class to me."
"Bill, you weren't listening between the lines. Yes you were all tested, in your case for special ed 'cause you were flunking. And you flunked that test!" She laughed at her little joke.
"Yea, yea.” I’d heard it several times before from my folks what is it with people. “What does that have to do with things?"
"Well, a couple of things. First, enrichment classes weren't all that common back then. I know my school didn't have any. And second, I can't believe they'd have one that ran across two or more years. Even today, the enrichment classes tend to mix around and not necessarily be the same. And can you imagine a class with only three kids?"
"Well, I guess not. Ruth's pull out classes usually had at least a half dozen kids and I don't think this school is any bigger than the one I was in. Ginny's are bigger than Ruth's were, but I kinda figured that was just the way our schools have been dumbing down, and letting more kids qualify. I guess my class sounds different. I wonder if there will be any records."
"We can probably find out Bill. But this gives us a lot more information. Maybe I'd better start a journal on the information we pick up, so we don't forget any. There's no telling when some bit of information will help us figure this out. I know you're not, and I'm certainly not up to remembering all of the facts to come up with the answer like all the detectives in the novels."
"No, you're right to not trust my memory about that time frame, but it's pretty good since then, isn't it?"
"Yes Bill. You've amply proven over the years. That's why I like to be on your trivia team! I guess it's more for my benefit. But I don't think it'll hurt."
"You think we should tell Ruth any more? I'm of mixed feelings there Becky. She's such a wonderful kid, and so insightful. But I don't want to worry her."
"Hmm. Well, if we don't tell her something, she'll probably spend time digging to try to find it, time better spent with her studies. Why don't you to go chat a bit and let her read a copy of the report from the Neurologist. That's got most of the information that's concrete. It might be enough to satisfy her curiosity without overwhelming her like the whole pile did us. She's had a day to get used to some of it, so maybe the details will not hit so hard. Who knows, she may think of something we can use!"
"Okay. I guess so. I'll let her read it tonight while you convince Ginny to get to sleep. Craig'll probably be playing games or be surfing. Won't take long and I'll answer more questions tomorrow in the car when I run her back to the Uni."
"Sounds like a plan." She said, and then continued "I just love it when a plan comes together."
That got a chuckle out of me. "Right Colonel. I don't think it's all coming together yet, maybe eventually. And I certainly hope we don't have to go to the extremes of the A-Team! I'd like to avoid the bullets if you don't mind."
"Ummm. Yea, that'd be a good thing Bill."
That evening
"Ruth, you got a minute? I found something surfing the other day you might find interesting."
"Sure Dad."
When we got back to my office, I continued. "Ruth, I'm afraid that was a bit of a fib about finding something."
"I kinda figured Dad. You usually just mail them to me. So, is this about your trip to visit grandma and grandpa?"
I laughed at that. "No slipping anything by you is there Ruth. Yes, it's related. Have a seat." I said indicating the chair.
"I guess this is more serious than you let on in the car yesterday isn't it dad?" she said as she sat down.
"Here, read it for yourself." I said, as I handed her a copy of the report which Flo had given us. She was reading, and several times looked up at me."
"This is heavy stuff dad! You were asking the grands about stuff weren't you?"
"In a way, we were more talking about things that went on back around the time I lost my memory, or to be more accurate, when I don't recall anything."
"That's my dad, always trying to be accurate!"
I laughed at her rejoinder. "Okay then, any quick questions about that now? I'd rather go into most of it in the car tomorrow on the off chance your brother wanders in. He doesn't need to know his old man got issues, at least more than he already believes."
"Dad, Craig thinks the best of you!"
"Uhuh, What, he'll probably letter in two sports at least this year, and maybe even 3. Next year, who knows. You know sports are everything with him! I don't think he can get over the fact that his old man never played a real sport after he was about 12 year old."
"That's not true dad. You lettered once in High School!"
"He doesn't think much of diving I don't think. Well, enough of that. Anything that can't wait on that?" I said indicating the report.
"I probably have a million questions dad, but I think I'd rather think on them and ask you tomorrow. Don't be surprised to see an IM from me either!"
"Like that would surprise me! I have noticed that you do tend to poke me more often closer to your exams or when you have projects you need breaks from."
"Dad, it's not like you're just an excuse! It's you're always there, and when I'm stressed you can always find something to say that makes me feel better."
I sigh, not really knowing how to handle comments like that. "Enough young lady!" I said, as I reached for the report. “We'll talk about this some more tomorrow."
"Sure dad. I'm sure you and mom will figure things out. She's got that look."
"She does, I'm just not sure I like being the target of it again."
"Again? Oh, you mean when you got married."
I chuckled. "Got it the first time. Well, off you go and we'll talk tomorrow."
"Night dad! Don't stay up too late. I don't want you sleeping while you drive!" She said as she walked out of the room, and I laughed heartily at that one.
"That girl. I wonder where she gets it." I said to myself, as I got back to work, catching up on some things that had slid while all the things were happening during the week.
The next day in the car
"Okay dad. Since it's not a tumor removal scar, what do you and mom think it was?”
"Honestly, we don't know. I think your mom is suspicious it had something to do with an enrichment class I had in elementary school. I dunno."
"Oh? What's that about?"
"Well, yesterday my folks told us that I'd gotten into a special class as a result of a test, with my two best friends. The class was one of those extra ones, they call them enrichment today. It went on throughout most of 3rd and 4th grades. Seems in 4th grade the three of us stopped seeing much of each other for a good bit and ignored each other after that. I think it's a coincidence, but your mom's not so sure."
"Coincidence or not dad, you probably should check things out. At worst, you may find some old friends, and rekindle a relationship or two."
"You know, you could be right there Ruth. Thanks for putting things into perspective."
She sat quietly for a minute. "That story sounds vaguely familiar. Hmmm. Well, never mind. I was wondering what you and mom were going to do next?"
"I think I'm going to write a letter to the school, to see if they have any records or such of the time, including the teacher's name. Then we may try to look him up. I think we're going to talk to Flo or my shrink about this memory recovery stuff. Maybe one of those paths will lead to something."
"Okay dad. Let me know if you find anything, or if you need me to come home to watch the squirt! I can always catch the train and bus if you can't get off to come get me."
"Thanks. We both know we can count on you! You just have a great time and worry about your classes, not your old man!"
"Right, like you said your mom used to tell you 'study hard and have fun' huh!"
"Well... The thought did cross my mind, but I remembered my reaction and suppressed the urge."
She laughed at that, lightening her mood as I'd intended, and maybe she had too, come to think of it. The rest of the trip was uneventful. It was on the way home, when I realized she'd not said she'd leave the mystery to her mom and I. This made me wonder what she could possibly come up with. Oh well, what can she find out about my memory at the University. It's not like she can go into the library and check out a book 'Bill Wyman, the Early Years'. I chuckled as i thought that to myself.
That night
"Becky, I think I'm going to ask Dr. Flynn about how we might make the memory recalling safer for us."
"I was going to ask you to Bill. We're finding some stuff, but if you could remember more, we could maybe put it together easier. Maybe you should call your old elementary school, to see if they have any records of your class as well. I doubt they'll give you any info over the phone, but they should be able to tell you if the records exist, and how to get access to them.
"That’s a good point Becky. A letter might get the info, but it might not as well, especially if I ask the wrong questions there. Thanks for the suggestion! I'll let you know how both come out tomorrow evening."
"That's good Bill. Now let's get some sleep."
I was lucky to get through to Dr. Flynn's office first thing and just as she's said, she'd saved a spot for me. I guess just before lunch is a good time. "Now, where is that phone book?" I said to myself, as I found it, and thumbed through looking for my old elementary school. It's a good thing it wasn't hit by the school consolidations 15-20 years ago. Some other areas have ended up with major overcrowding these days due to shortages of space. I'm glad they decided to just close the top floors of our schools then when the enrollment picked back up, they just had to renovate and we still have nice class sizes. Now, where's that phone number... There we go!
"Good Morning, Bayside Elementary, how may I direct your call?"
"I'm not sure. This is Bill Wyman. I was a student there, back in the mid '60s, and I was trying to find out some information on some enrichment classes I took."
"Well, Mr. Wyman, requests like that have to go through the Board of Education, for two reasons. First to make sure you're who the person you claim your are, and more practically, the records themselves. We only retain records here in the school for ten years after a student leaves. After that, they are packed up and sent to the Board for distribution."
"Thank you for your help. Is there anyone in particular I should ask for at the Board, when I try to get through there?"
"You'd probably be best talking to either the Superintendent or his Deputy. They're the ones that would have to approve release of records."
"Again, thank you. You've been very helpful."
"You're welcome Mr. Wyman." She said, as she hung up.
Well, guess I'll have to go over and see what I can find out. No time this morning, if I want to get any work done before going to see Dr. Flynn.
Later
Whew. That's close, I said to myself as I walked up to the Doctor's office. It wouldn't do to be late.
"Hello, I've got an 11:30 with Dr. Flynn I believe. I'm Bill Wyman."
"Yes Mr. Wyman. She just checked to see if you were here yet. I'll let her know you're here. It should only be a moment." I saw her page the Doctor, and then she looked up. "Dr. Flynn will be right out."
"Hello Mr. Wyman. Won't you come on back?" Dr. Flynn said, as she indicated I should follow her back to the chatting room as I liked to think of it.
As we walked, I responded "Sure. Thanks for seeing me today."
She smiled at that. After what you saw on Friday, I was expecting to see you today. How can I help you? Has something new come or are you having trouble dealing with the report?"
"Actually, my wife and I went and talked with my parents about that time. On thing that's disturbing us both, is that they don't seem to recall anything that was really strange back then. They did give us some information about more events from my past that I didn't recall. And, I'm starting to follow up on one of them. Oh, here are the notes Becky took during our chat, and her reactions." I handed Becky's notebook, opened to Saturday's section. I watched her skim the notes glancing up a time or two.
"Interesting Mr. Wyman. Does this fit in with your report, or why you came in today?"
"Actually, yes. If that's basically what was happening back when I was a kid from my parent's perspective, we think we may need my own memories to find out what happened. And, ummm. I guess that leads me to what I really wanted to talk about. I know Flo says that Dr. Wong has a good reputation. But Becky and I would both be happier if there was a way we could be surer that memories that come out are really that, and not something that she suggested, even accidentally. Is there any way you know of to handle that?"
"Well Mr. Wyman, I've actually done some digging in that area and one piece of several of the protocols is the inclusion of an active observer. It appears that Dr. Wong is using her recording apparatus to reduce the need for one, but you could see if she could work with one."
"What do you mean by an observer? A third person in the room?"
"Something like that. Usually it's someone acceptable to both parties. This observer usually sits outside the room, and observes through one-way glass or in some other way sits where the client cannot see the observer. The observer can make notes on what is said, but doesn't generally have, authority isn't the right word but the right one escapes me now. Well, the observer generally plays a passive role like the recording apparatus. You might suggest allowing the observer the ability to stop the session at any point - principally if the observer believes that the practitioner, in this case Dr. Wong, is leading the client, yourself."
"Hmm. Why just abort? Why not suggest things to say or interrupt in general to let things continue."
"From what I know, either of those could be disruptive. The observer can suggest things before or better after. But the literature suggests that memory recall techniques are most effective when only one person speaks with the subject."
"Okay. Assuming Dr. Wong agrees to an observer, who would make a good one?"
"That's a bit more difficult to answer. Some of the protocols use a second professional. A few use a friend of the subject. Due to scheduling difficulties, the first rarely occurs in solo practice, but is more common in larger group practices. Your wife might be a good Observer, based on these notes, if she can follow whatever rules you and Dr. Wong can agree upon."
"I see. I hope so, but she can't get off work every day. I guess I'll have to think on it a bit." I thought a minute. "Do you think I'm doing the right thing in chasing my memories?"
"Mr. Wyman. Only you can answer that question. I'm here to help you when you need, either with information or in helping you deal with things you learn."
"Thanks Dr. Flynn."
"Is there anything else I can help you with today Mr. Wyman?"
"No, I don't think so. Thanks for what you've told me though."
"That's why I'm here. Shall we keep our regular appointment on Friday?"
"I think so. I'm not sure how things will go on Wednesday with Dr. Wong."
"Have a nice day Mr. Wyman, and I'll see you on Friday." She said, as she walked me to the door, returning Becky's notebook. "You don't want to forget this."
I laughed. "No Becky would shoot me. She calls that her 'case memory'."
Dr. Flynn smiled at that, and turned back to her office. I headed off for home. "Well, I'd best get cracking on that design. Don't want to get behind schedule on this new project. I'm glad it's mostly off site."
That Evening
"Any luck with the School this morning Bill?" said Becky, as she started getting ready for bed.
"Sorta. I found out I need to go to the Board of Ed, rather than the school directly ‘cause it's been too long. I also found out I should talk to either the Superintendent or his deputy since one of them would have to approve the release of the records. Oh, and I have to take identification to prove I'm me."
"That's promising. You'd best take the same kinda documents we had to haul in for our new Driver's Licenses. I had a thought today. We could do some investigation to find out about that missing sister of yours."
"How? I'm not going to ask my parents. If she died back then, it's obvious that they don't want to talk about it. And, I don't recall any pictures of one in mom's albums. It's not like they removed them either. Remember going through them last Christmas? There weren't any holes in the pages."
"That's a good point. But, maybe we can check on birth records through the registrar. You and your brother were both born in the same hospital, so your birth is recorded in the same place. Odds are, your sister would have been too. All we have to do is see if we can find any other children your parent's might have had."
"Ahhh. So spend hours going through the records huh."
"I'm afraid so, but it’s the only thing that came to mind. I'd guess you don't need to look at births after 5th grade, since you remember that. And, for the kinda comments your aunt made, you probably don't have to go back more than about 7 years. She said little girl, not toddler or baby. I can't imagine she meant younger than 3! And, since your parents were only married about 10 months before you were born, you don't have to worry about it being an older sister, I don't think."
"Wow, you really did think about this didn't you?"
"Sure did. Do you think you can look at it this week?"
"Unfortunately no. I need to work on my current project, that's why it'll be next week before I can get to the Board of Ed too."
"Okay. Did you get a chance to talk with Dr. Flynn about the memory project?"
"Actually, yes. She suggested the use of an observer during the sessions."
"An observer? You mean a stranger would watch this happen?"
"Not exactly, but it sounded like a friend or family member might be acceptable. The observer would mostly just observe, and recognize when the shrink was leading the subject so they could all know that the memory retrieved were suspect. But, Dr. Flynn suggested that the observer also be able to cause the session to be stopped at any point. As I understand it, if the observer were to hear leading questions or guidance from the doc, he or she could tell the doc to abort the session."
"That might work. I might be able to get some time off occasionally, but not weekly nor on Wednesday mornings. Let me think a bit while we finish getting done here."
I nodded at that.
"Bill, I think I know something that would work, if you can make it swing. First, I don't want to bring more folks into the picture." I nodded at this. "So, what I'm suggesting is seeing if you can move the session to first thing on Monday mornings. I should be able to get off some of them, and if the doctor will accept, Ruth could maybe observe some. She doesn't have a class until about 1:45 on Mondays, so you could get her down there after the sessions."
"Interesting thought. Ruth did say she wanted to help. That might just work. Let me talk to Dr. Wong on Wednesday, and see what she has to say. Do you think you can get off and come with me on Wednesday? Meeting you might help her decide in favor of the plan. We might even be able to get started on that safe place she mentioned if she agrees."
"I'll see what I can do Bill. I can't just get off easily you know!"
"I know. Just wanted you to have the choice there. Night."
"G'night" She said snuggling down to go to sleep.
Late Tuesday (31-Oct-06 Halloween) evening
"Hey Dad, you still awake?" Ruth sent via IM.
"Hey kid. Good party?"
"Yea Dad. Got time to chat now?"
"Not really. I need to get a good night's sleep before seeing the Memory shrink in the morning."
"Okay, give me a call early afternoon. Talked to my professor this evening at the party. He came as a stork if you can believe it! But, he told me some stuff that might relate to your issue."
"Really? Now you have my curiosity. I'll call you tomorrow by 1:00. Okay?"
"See ya dad."
"Bye".
"Becky, I'm glad you could get off this morning." I said yawning a bit. "The doorbell kept going off last night. I think I'll be glad once again that Halloween only comes once a year. The kids are cute, but the constant doorbells. Up and down and up and down. It gets to me."
"I know what you mean honey, but the kids get a kick out of it. We even do every now and a gain. Remember the party the Stevens threw a few years ago?"
"That was a lark. Come as you aren't wasn't it?"
"That's the one. I must say, some folks came up with some really good costumes!"
"That's for sure. Who'd ever have expected to see Nick in drag! What a lark."
"He sure hammed it up. It's not every day you see the chief of detectives clowning like that."
"No Becky, I guess not. But, looking like that was about as far as I could imagine from his job. I mean, my shepherd bit really wasn't much by comparison."
"Your shepherd was pretty good Bill. Hmmm. I bet you could have pulled off the hooker bit better than Nick did. Probably a good thing you didn't come up with the idea."
"You've got to be kidding. Nobody could mistake me for a dame."
"Not today maybe. But, go back to when Ruth & Craig were kids, you were slimmer then. I bet we could have gotten you looking pretty good." I looked around a bit at that.
"I guess its good we didn't try. People might have wondered." She laughed a bit at that. We're almost there. I just hope that Dr. Wong goes along with our plan."
"Bill, it's that or something like it, or we find someone else don't you think?"
"Yea. I do. I still hope things work out. In many ways, I'm more curious about my past than I was. I just wonder what all happened."
"That's why I'm here Bill. Come on, let’s go in."
"Hello Dr. Wong, this is my wife Becky."
"Hello Mrs. Wyman, it's nice to meet you." She then turned toward me. "Are you ready to get started this morning, or do you have some more questions Mr. Wyman?"
"Do you mind if she sits in with us for a bit? We've something we'd like to discuss about my memory hunting."
I could see her thinking. "Well, we'll see how it goes. Add a third person to the session can lead to complications I normally wish to avoid. We'll start, and see how things go." She said as she led the way back. "What do you have on your minds?"
"Well Doctor" I said, I was talking with Dr. Flynn about my concerns about getting false memories out of the work. And, I discussed what we went over last night on how you went about avoiding this. I also expressed my continuing concerns. She said she'd reviewed some of the literature and protocols and some used an observer roll instead of your recording process."
"Yes, many of the older protocols do describe a neutral observer roll. The difficulty is scheduling one. Ideally, such an observer would be a highly trained individual. That's why I came up with my recording approach a few years ago. The recorded sessions could be reviewed by me or another professional to judge the veracity of the recovered memory."
"I understand that. We think that's good, but we believe that we can add an observer that would help as well. See, if Becky were to observe the session, she knows me well enough to recognize when I'm stressed, and also should be able to recognize when your guiding might be more leading than we agree upon. Becky works in marketing, and based on what you said about words triggering, I think she understands words too so might be good there as well." I took a breath. "I'm running off aren't I?"
Dr. Wong smiled at that. "You've obviously put a lot of thought into this, and are still concerned about the safety of the process." She turned to Becky. "Mrs. Wyman, for it to work with you or another observer, you need to not be in his line of sight. And you need to not interrupt. An interruption at the wrong point could be a bad idea, and even dangerous. Do you understand this?"
"I've done marketing studies Dr. Wong, where I need to observe people's reactions to different ads. They don't react the same way when they can see us observing them, and when they can't see us."
"That's part of it for sure. But the non-interruption is also important."
"Well, that's the second bit. Bill and I would like for me to be able to abort a session, if I perceive him to be over stressed or if it looks like you're accidentally leading him in a direction."
She looked thoughtful for a minute. "Well, as for you aborting the session. The only safe way would be for you to signal me to abort it not to abort it yourself. The session is more effective and Bill is safer if only one voice is talking to him. Can you both accept that limit?"
We looked at each other, and then nodded.
"Okay, then I think we can give it a try. Mr. Wyman, as we talked the first thing we will do is help you define a safe refuge. Once we get that and you can get there quickly, we can be ready to start. Let me get a chair for you Mrs. Wyman, and then we'll move into the other room."
"I think this will work. Mrs. Wyman, if you sit here, you can see me, and I can see you. You'll not be able to see Mr. Wyman's face, but if you could, he could see you as well which might disrupt things. If you look over your shoulder, you can see the monitor I use when a particularly stressful session is anticipated. If this works out today, I can probably update things to get one of the camera feeds to a monitor so you can watch Mr. Wyman as well."
"Thank you for working with us on this Dr. Wong. From what you said, today is mostly a preparatory session and no memories are going to be looked for."
"That's right. Today we just make sure Mr. Wyman has a safe security space he can retreat to when needed. We also start and end all sessions in this space." She turned to me and asked, "Now, Mr. Wyman, I'd like you to think about the kind of places you feel most comfortable and relaxed. For many people, it's on the beach, or a peaceful glade in the forest. Others find a feeling of safety in a Castle. Any thoughts for you?"
"Well, I've always felt pretty peaceful walking through an open forest in the fall, where the leaves are starting to turn colors."
"That hits the peaceful side, but does that also give you the safe or protected feeling?"
"Hmmm. Maybe not. Though, I certainly don't feel threatened there. Maybe if I knew I had a buncha friends in shouting distance... I rarely am totally alone out in the forest. I thought about an Island, or a castle. The island fits me better too, but the castle feels too confining and cold."
"That gives us a bit to work with then. Why don't you get comfortable?" Then she continued in a soft even voice. "Think of an open forest. You've wandered a little way from your friends but you know they're just a call away. The leaves have turned and they are bursts of oranges, yellows and reds on the trees, and quieting your footsteps."
About this time, I seem to have zoned out a bit. Apparently about a half hour later, I came back from wherever I went. "Are we going to do this?"
"We did, sort of. It went a little different than I was expecting however. You seemed to be fighting and kept slipping off to a place you described as a stone tower." I shuddered at the name a bit. "It's almost as if you have done something like this before, and used a stone tower as a refuge. We did eventually get you to your forest refuge, and setup a key phrase to help you get there. At some time in the future, I'd like to try investigating the tower, but that's certainly not for today. All in all, I believe the session was productive. What did you think of the session Mrs. Wyman? I saw you start to raise your hand a few times."
"It was nothing like what I expected. I guess I was expecting to see the shiny pendulum and the getting sleepy bit. But it was nothing like that. It was interesting seeing you suggest Bill walk in a forest, and then have him describe it. That first time he described a tall tower instead of the forest I almost thought he was joking with you. You're saying that was something else."
"Yes. If Bill hadn't said he didn't like Castles and such earlier, I'd have thought his subconscious was just changing things to a different place, and gone with it. However with that, it's like he's had some trance based sessions previously and this was the home base he used." She turned toward me. "Are you sure you've not done anything like this before?"
"Not that I can recall I've not. Until I talked with Flo, that's Dr. Broadhurst, I'd not even thought about talking to a psychiatrist about my memory."
"Well, in any event, you're going to the forest when needed now. What do you two think about continuing?"
"Well, if we can move to Monday mornings, it might be easier for me to get an observer here. Becky can't take off all the time. Oh, I wanted to ask you about the possibility of my daughter occasionally subbing as the observer. She's in her 3rd year at the Uni now."
"I'd have to talk to her first, to see if she has an appropriate background and wouldn't act as a disruption. As to Mondays, let's go out and look at my schedule. I think I can be flexible most Mondays." she said, with her voice dropping at the end, as she opened up her calendar. "Actually, I can do Mondays, except for the 4th Monday each month. Will that work for you?"
I looked at Becky and at her nod, "Yes. We can do that. I'll try to bring my daughter in soon, so the two of you can talk."
"Fine, now I wanted to put a caveat to the observer being able to stop the session by signaling. It may depend on what we're doing whether I can get you out right then, or whether it may take a few minutes. You'll have to trust my professional judgment on that. Also, if I believe the session will be particularly stressful, I may ask you to not abort so soon, and trust me there too. But, we'll talk about that before those sessions."
I looked a Becky again. This time, she answered for the two of us. "On the first bit, I think we have no problem. We'll have to talk about the second when the time comes. Perhaps we'll be able to build up sufficient trust by then so it's a non-issue."
"That would be a nice outcome. I'll see you next week then. We'll reinforce today's session, and then go after some memory."
"Thanks Doctor!" I said as we walked out the door. "You'd best get off Becky. You can tell me about what went on tonight."
"Okay Bill. You be careful today."
"Always dear!"
That afternoon
"What's up Ruth? Your IM was a tad cryptic last night!"
"Oh hi Dad. Sorry about that."
"So, what's the big mystery?"
"Well, last night at the Halloween party, I was talking to my Cold War professor, about things that both sides did during the war, and he was describing some stuff the Soviets did to enhance their soldiers. They used hypnotism and some drugs to enhance training, and develop teamwork. Apparently this produced some very effective soldiers that could anticipate what teammates could do and where they'd be. He said the program got dropped because it was so time intensive, and they ran into some difficulties occasionally. He said the soviet literature didn't report on the difficulties."
"How could that apply to me?"
"Well dad, I said that could never happen here, and he said he remembered reading something about the CIA sponsoring some experiments along those lines here in the states. Guess what?"
"That isn't nice to hear, but I'll bite. What?"
"I've got a topic for my course paper now!"
"Oh really? What might that be?"
"I'm going to research our responses to perceived soviet threats in the so-called shadow war. You know, spy vs. spy kinda stuff. I'll even be looking at that program, and our responses to it."
"That's all fascinating Ruth. But I still don't see how it applies."
"Well dad," I could hear a bit of exasperation in her voice. I guess I was being particularly dense this afternoon. "If we had programs for soldiers, it's conceivable that they were used on kids too."
"No. I won't believe that! I mean, nobody would authorize such a thing in this country!" I could hear the lack of conviction in my own voice. "Well, maybe, but I still don't think it applies to me."
"Okay dad. Anything else before I sign off?"
"Actually yes."
"Really? Don't tell me I forgot the Craigster's birthday, ‘cause that's not until March."
"No, nothing like that. It's with my memory hunting. Apparently, as the Soviets apparently found, it is possible to implant a memory instead of recover one. Well, with Dr. Flynn's help, we've come up with an approach to reduce the likelihood of an accidental implant. Your mother was there today, and acted as an observer. That way, if it looks like the doctor is pushing a memory, she can stop it."
"That sounds good dad, and I'm glad you're keeping me up to date on your stuff."
"That's not all oh wise one."
"What do you mean ancient one?"
I laughed at that. "Well, your mom can't make it every Monday. She does have to work you know."
"What do you mean by Monday? Today's Wednesday. I CAN still read my calendar!"
"Sorry, we moved the sessions to Monday mornings, because we'd like you to be able to substitute for your mom as observer occasionally. Do you think you could do that?"
"Of course dad. Hey, maybe I can ask your Doctor if she knows anything about that Soviet program!
"I'm sure she'd be willing to talk to you about that too. You just have to ask. How about next weekend?"
"Let me get back to you on that Dad. If things go smoothly here, I'll be glad to."
"Okay, well get back to your books."
"Kay dad. Have fun on your report." She said as she rang off. I can't believe how much she's grown in the past ten years. Skipping 3rd grade certainly doesn't seem to have hurt her any. Well, back to the grindstone.
Well, nothing useful from Ruth's prof after all. I'm glad I didn't mention that IM to Becky. That stuff about the Russians and the CIA would probably bug her. It bugs me just thinking about it! I'm sure glad that what happened to me had nothing to do with that kinda stuff. I looked at my watch. Ahh. Ginny should be down now. I can head up without interrupting the ritual.
"Hi Becky, I talked with Ruth this afternoon, and she can come home again this weekend, and stay through Monday morning."
"That’s good Bill. That session went better than I expected, and I liked Dr. Wong more than I expected too."
"That's good to hear. Can you tell me anything about what happened? I don't seem to remember anything between when she started talking about the forest, and when things were over?"
"Well, she talked, and asked if you were there, and when you said yes, she asked you to describe it. Only, what you described was nothing like what I' would have expected from her leading. You talked about a tall stone tower with no doors and a little room at the top. She'd take you out, and try to get you back. Must have been three or four times and then suddenly you acted like you were more relaxed and you were able to describe a forest like I pictured based on her description. Once that happened, she took you half way out, and then sent you back several times, each time asking where you were. And then she brought you all the way up."
I shook my head. "That's strange. You know how little I like castles! That's why I mentioned it."
"So you've said over the years, but you never said why you don't like them. I mean, there certainly aren’t many castles around here."
"True, now that you mention it, I don't recall any castle pictures in my folks photo albums either! I do wonder where it came from. Maybe from some movie I saw once. You're not suggesting I went through all this before are you?
"I don't know what to think Bill. If we accept what Dr. Wong said, you reacted as if you had. Though, I'm not prepared to suggest when this might have happened. I mean, unless it was done without your parent's knowledge, they're either really good actors in pretending nothing happened or they don't remember either, both of which I'm sure you'll agree are more disturbing yet."
"Umm Yea. But, I still think I'm an alien changeling. The tower is the space ship that's all."
Becky laughed at that. No Bill. You're not getting off that easily. You look too much like your parents, and so do the kids! You have to be related to them."
"Okay, you've got me on that one. Well, I certainly can't think of anything else. What say we call it a night?"
"If you look out the window, you'll find it is." She said jokingly.
Friday afternoon
"Well, how has your week been Mr. Wyman?"
"It's been interesting, that's for sure! Dr. Wong accepted the observer thing, and I had my first session 'under the influence' as it were."
"How did that go?"
"From my point of view, apparently well. But Dr. Wong seemed to think things were a bit strange. She even suggested that I'd been through this kind of therapy before."
"Why is that?"
"Well, she said, and Becky backs her up, that when I was being sent to a forest glade as a safety spot, I'd end up in a stone tower instead. And, this is way out of character for me, 'cause I really don't like castles!"
"What did you think of all of this?"
"I don't know what to think. By itself, I'd probably have called it a fluke. But, with Dr. Johanson's evidence, it sounds more ominous!"
"I see. Are you going to continue with this? Or do you think you should leave things as they stand?"
"Well, as Becky and I said last week, I think it's kinda important to find out. If only to make sure it's not happening to kids today."
"I see. Have you taken any other steps?"
"Besides calling the school and seeing my folks, which I think I mentioned Monday morning, I don't think so."
"And, how about dreams?"
"I've been keeping that log like you asked, and have not seen anything unusual."
"Well, as you move further with the memory exercises, it may be more important. So, I believe it's a good thing you've started now. Most folks find it easier to keep to something like that once started." She paused. "Is there anything else we need to discuss this week?"
"I don't think so; next week could be more interesting. I've a session with Dr. Wong Monday morning, and I'll be going to the Board of Ed Tuesday. Not sure what else the week will bring, but that'll get something I hope!"
"All right, I'll see you next week then Mr. Wyman."
Saturday afternoon
"Hi Ruth. Thanks for being willing to take time off occasionally."
"Dad, you know I'm just doing it for my project! I get a chance to ask questions to someone in the field. Totally selfish of me."
"Right and I'm the Prince of Wales."
"Really? Does mom know?"
"You're too quick for me this afternoon. So what is this project about really?"
"Well, you knew I was taking a course on the Cold War, right?" At my nod, she continued. "Well, we have to do a research paper on some aspect of shadow operations during the Cold War." Then, becoming more animated, "In chatting with my Prof at the Halloween party, I thought about how the soviets seemed to be able to come up with any weapon we did after a few years. Then, I thought about how I'd read about the soviets doing a bunch of research into things like psionics, and added my profs comments about the training program. What I came up with was did we do programs like that too? And my ultimate topic is to summarize the soviet program, and then look for hints and stuff for similar programs here. I'll be looking through journal publications and, for declassified docs made available through the freedom of information act."
"Sounds like you have your work cut out for you."
"I think it's going to be fun too, Dad. And, if your doctor is willing to be a resource, I may be able to find out more stuff or at least find it faster!"
"That's my girl, always thinking about all the options."
"Always, Dad. I learned it from two great teachers!"
"Being a diplomat now too are we?"
"That I learned from you. But seriously, I really hope your Doctor will be able to help me on this. It sounds, from the bits you've told me, that her work is related to some of the techniques used by the Russians."
"You'll just have to ask her. If she's not busy after our session, maybe you can chat a while about your project."
"That'd be great. Even if she can't give me time tomorrow, maybe there's another way I can talk to her. I'll find out Monday."
Sunday afternoon
I stopped, as I was coming into the kitchen and saw my two girls sitting at the table with their backs to me. It looked like Ruth was helping Ginny with something again. What a big sister!
"Ruth, how come you're always going off with dad to talk the last few weeks? You never used to?"
"Oh, it's a buncha different things really Ginny. Like, tomorrow morning, I'm going to see a Psychiatrist dad knows so I can do some research on my course paper for my Cold War course. Have they covered the Cold War in any of your classes yet?" I wasn't surprised to hear Ruth telling the truth, but her skill at turning the question around and leaving some of what Ginny was after out was more than I'd expected.
"Cold war? Are wars cold?"
"Well Ginny, that's a reference to a shooting war being a hot war, so a war where they don't shoot is a cold one."
"How can you have a war where they don't shoot?"
"Well, it wasn't a war in the usual sense. I mean there weren't our soldiers and their soldiers fighting. But, we were competing, and sometimes our friends would fight their friends and we'd help our friends and they'd help their friends. The Vietnam War was like that. Remember last summer, when we went to the Mall in Washington DC?"
"Yea?"
"Well, there were several war memorials to help people remember those that died in those wars. One of them was to the Vietnam War."
"Okay. But what makes that a cold war? Didn't a lot of people die?"
"Yes they did Ginny. But, since we were not directly fighting our enemy, they didn't consider us at war with them. Strange isn't it?"
"Oh yea. Are we still fighting that cold war?"
"No, the cold war was against the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics. That's also called the USSR or the Soviet Union. Well, that country fell apart about 20 years ago when their people wanted more freedom. Once the country was gone, the Cold War was over."
"Wow. That's neat Ruth. How'd you learn all that?
"Here and there. Some in classes, some reading stuff on the internet and even some talking to mom and dad. They were alive for a big bunch of the Cold War, specially the end of it! Grandpa and grandma were around for more of it."
Ginny laughed at that. "They've been around forever!"
"Not really Ginny, but I used to think that too. Do you remember Aunt Rachel?"
"No. I thought dad only had a brother, and mom didn't have any brothers or sisters."
"Aunt Rachel is dad's Aunt. I think she's grandpa's big sister or something. She is older than they are anyway. Well Aunt Rachel tells some really funny stories about World War II and the Depression. You'll get to study those in a few years when you get to the middle school. Anyway, she was talking once about stuff she heard from her parents about how they moved here to get away from Russia when the Soviet Union formed. They sounded a bit scary... About people riding around on horses and shooting guns and such, and the old Czar and such. That's like a king. It was really fun." She looked up about then, and either saw my reflection or something. "Oh Hi, Dad. Ginny and I were taking a short break. She was having some problems with her science."
"So, she's got you explaining stuff now. How's it going Gin?"
"Okay, Dad, Ruth explains stuff really good for me. I wish she could be home more."
"Well, she may be, if that Doctor I know has information or can help her get information on her course paper."
"Oh really! That'd be really great! When will you know?"
"Well, after she meets her in the morning, I'll have to get her back to the Uni for her afternoon class. But I should be able to let you know when I see you after school. How does that sound?"
"Oh really? I've really missed you Ruth." At this point, Ginny jumped up and gave Ruth a big hug, and I smiled at this. Ginny usually tries to hid how much she's been missing her big sister since she went off to the Uni a few years ago, but every now and this it slips out.
"Now Ginny, it won't be every weekend. She does still have to get her school work done!"
"I know. But it'll be nice having her here more, Dad! Craig's no fun!"
"Okay, okay. Enough. You finished studying, or do you two need to get back to work?"
"Ginny, we'd best finish answering the study questions. She's got a test on Tuesday, Dad."
"Aww Ruth!" "Really?" We said at the same time.
"Yes to both of you. Later's, Dad, come on Ginny it won't take us long."
With that, I grabbed a soda and left the room thinking that they were both such wonderful daughters. I did realize I'd need to be a bit more careful though. It was obvious from Ginny's question at the beginning that she was more like her sister Ruth than Becky or I had realized.
"Hello Dr. Wong, this is my daughter Ruth. You said you wanted to have some time to talk with her before agreeing she could switch off with Becky."
"Thank you Mr. Wyman. How long do we have today?" She looks at her calendar. "How about Ruth and I take a little time to get to know each other. Then, she can watch Mrs. Wyman act as an observer. After the session, we can go over things and make a decision."
I nodded at this and looked at Becky and she said. "That works Okay I think." Upon which Dr. Wong beckoned to Ruth, and they went off to talk.
"Do you think she'll accept Ruth?"
"My guess is yes, Bill. Except when she's clowning Ruth's a very mature and grown up young lady and you know how hard that is to say about my little girl!" I laughed at this last.
"Well, that's very true, and, it is good to hear you say that. You two did have enough battles while she was in High School."
"I think that happens to most moms when they see their daughter doing the things they did or wanted to do, and see them growing up. You know, I always felt a little jealous of how well the two of you got along?"
I looked up at the last. "Huh? What's so unusual about my getting along with one of my kids?"
"Oh, Bill, you're so blind sometimes! Most men get along with their sons to some extent through shared interests, but either ignore or just barely acknowledge their daughters. You've always been there for all three of our kids. I can probably count on both hands the number of special events they've all had that you've missed. And, actually talking to the girls as if they're people and on topics THEY want to talk about! Good grief, how could you not have noticed this?"
I sat there a bit surprised at all of this and not really sure what to say. "Ummm. You're kidding aren't you? I mean, what else should I do?"
She sat there shaking her head. "Nothing, Bill, Don't change anything! It's one of the things I love about you! I guess that's one of the reasons I've been so concerned about this, is that I fear you might change."
"Hey, I've no intention of changing who I am! And, I've got you, and hopefully occasionally Ruth, there to make sure!"
She shook herself at that. "And we will too! I've not said anything to Ruth, but, I'm sure she's got things figured out!" I nodded at this. "Well, they're still in there. I wonder what they're talking about."
"Oh, I suspect it's gone beyond Ruth's background and she's describing her Cold War course paper." At Becky's questioning gaze I continued. "You know the course Ruth's taking on the Cold War." At her nod I said. "Well, she has to write a paper for the course, and she's picked a topic that will require some Psychiatry expertise to get some of the information. I suspect she's already trying to pump Dr. Wong for that kind of information." I said with a bit of a smile.
Becky echoed my smile at the end. "That sounds like Ruth, always seeking. Oh, I think that's them." At which point Dr. Wong and Ruth returned.
"Mr. and Mrs. Wyman, you have an amazing daughter here, as I'm sure you know. I think she'll do a wonderful job, but let's go on. Mr. Wyman, do you have any preferences on where we start?"
"I don't really know, do we just start at the back end and work until I'm like a year old?"
"We could I guess, but that would tend to take a long time, perhaps years." At my negative reaction to that she continued. "Actually, I think we have a couple of choices on how to go forward. One is we can try to zero in directly on whatever caused the memory loss. I'd rather differ that until you're all feeling more comfortable with the process. We could also try to get more details about some thing you do remember. We could try to recover some memory around something you should have a memory or we could just try to find a random memory around some point in time. I believe one of the middle two would be the best choice at this point."
I looked over at Becky who said. "Well, you did make up that list of events Bill."
"Okay, you pick one Becky."
"How about that sand sliding event." And, at my nod she turned to Dr. Wong. "This was a case where Bill remembers sliding down a big pile of sand with two other people, one male and one female. And all their wearing is a pair of under shorts. I've heard that much from Bill in the past as well."
Dr. Wong nodded. "Okay, Ruth can watch, and as this doesn't sound too stressful, I think we can work things like we did last week. Sound OK?" At everyone's nod, she led us back to the room. I sat in the chair, and Becky and Ruth were behind me somewhere. I'm glad this chair is comfortable and doesn't feel like the one in the dentist's office. I think that'd be pretty distracting, constantly expecting 'now open your mouth'. I realized my mind was wandering, and tried to return my focus on Dr. Wong.
"As I mentioned last week, we'll start by taking you to your safe glade, then we'll go for a trip to look for a memory and return." She started about as I was expecting. "As you walk through the forest, you begin to feel the peace and quiet seeping into your body." A little while later, I heard someone telling me to take a new walk. "Now let's go back to the time you were sliding down the hill. You can get there quickly and look down upon yourself. What do you see?"
"I'm going down this gigantic hill of sand. It's so much fun. There are other piles around but they're not so much fun to slide, ‘cause some are rocks and such, but the sand is great."
"Is anyone with you?"
"Oh yea, my little brother and my cousin. We're being a little careful taking turns going down and running up together. It's a blast."
"How old are you?"
"I'm six."
"And your brother and cousin?"
"Sam's 4 and Betty Sue's 7. It's sometimes a pain having Sam tag along, but he was fun today."
"What are you wearing?"
"Mom's going to be upset. I've just got my unders on, but it's fun this way."
"Why will your mom be upset?"
"Oh, cause they're orange now in the dust!"
"What happens next?"
"We hear someone calling, probably for lunch, so we head off for the cabin."
"What's the cabin?"
"Oh, it's the little house my uncle has here on his camp. We're staying here for a bit while we're on vacation."
"This is a camp?"
"Well, that's what everyone seems to call it. It's a strange camp though. Nobody else is around, and all these piles of rock and sand and such. And that big lake we're not supposed to swim in. I mean how many lakes are there that you can't go swimming in."
"When you get to the camp, what do you see?"
"Well, it was mom calling and she doesn't look to happy. She called dad out to get us cleaned up."
"How'd your dad get you cleaned?"
"Oh, he sprayed us down good with the hose. It would have been fun, if we'd been able to run around, but he made us stand still while he rinsed off all the orange sand. He said the unders were garbage and to drop them and gave us some towels to dry off."
"What did you do next?"
"Oh, we went in and got dressed for lunch. I mean, that's what mom called us for."
"Who's there?"
"Well, mom and dad of course, and my brother Sam, and my cousin Betty Sue, and that's Aunt Lynn. I don't see anyone else right now."
"Whose camp is this?"
"Oh, it's Uncle George's."
"And, what is the place?"
"It's Uncle George's gravel place. They use his rocks and gravel allover."
"It's time to go back to the forest now. You walk off into the wood and things are peaceful." A bit later, I realized we were back.
"Wow. I hope someone wrote all that stuff down! I can't wait to check it out! That was amazing!"
"Well Mr. Wyman, it's also an example you really do need to check out. It started with me guiding you to the starting point. By suggesting the topic of the memory, you were able to fill in the details. Had I suggested carefully a starting point that you'd not been too, your mind could have manufactured details. This is what we are working to avoid. I felt it was warranted in this case, since as far as you know you actually recalled how this event started. And, based on what you recalled, most of it should be easily verifiable. This is very important in the process. We need to be able to recognize what makes for actual memories for you and what are things your mind has manufactured. There will be some characteristics we can identify after a while that will help us recognize which is which, and the verification process is part of that. At some point, we should also cause you to manufacture a memory and show that it can't be verified so that you can reject it and we get a base point on that side."
"How can that work? Isn't a memory a memory?"
"Well, some people are able to manufacture more details for real memories and others for the false ones, and others tend to be the other way. This is not always the case, but if we can establish a baseline for you, it may help in the long run."
"Okay, thanks. How easy will it be to get rid of that false memory?"
"Well, it will not necessarily go away, but you'll be able to ignore it, or discount it. With no intervention, it'll be more like your description of how you thought you'd lost your memories. You still remember it, but you now believe it didn't happen, right?"
"That's true. Thanks. I can live with that."
"Ruth, do you have any questions on what just went on?"
She looked at Ruth, who responded "When you start, you take dad to his safe spot. Is it normal to have to ask him about it and to change where he is?"
"You picked up on that did you? Good. No, it's not normal. Usually a client will be able to go directly to their safe spot with a simple direction once they are in a light trance. As we found last week, it seems your father has an inclination to go somewhere else, that stone tower, so for now, I want to make sure he actually goes where we expect him to go." She turned to me. "And, before you ask, yes you did try to go to the tower at the beginning today. It wasn't as strong as last week and we got you right to the glade, so I thought it was all right to go on. And, apparently your family agreed." She looked up at Becky then who nodded. "Okay, next week same time then?" At our nod, she went on to Ruth "I'll take a look, and see if I can find anything that might be useful to you on your topic."
"Thanks Dr. Wong. I really appreciate this. I'm sure I'll have more questions as time goes on."
"Now, I'd prefer you not drive for half an hour Mr. Wyman. It's probably not an issue, I just want to make sure you're all the way out of the trance and we're not taking a lot of time discussing things today."
"Not a problem. Ruth can drive the car to the Uni after we drop Becky off. I'll see you next week." And out we went. Dropping Becky off at her office was easy and we were off toward the Uni."
"Dad, that was an interesting thing hearing you tell that story. Do you think all that really happened?"
"It sounds like it well could have Ruth. The names are all right, as are the relative ages of me, my brother Sam, and Betty Sue. You remember the chocolate Ice Cream we make?" At her agreement I continued. "Well, the recipe is Aunt Lynn's."
"I didn't know that your Uncle George had a gravel pit. I thought he was a farmer."
"I dunno about that bit Ruth. That's one of the bits I'll need to check on. But he did have several businesses he was involved in. The farming was more of a hobby. I really wish you and the others could have gotten to meet him. He was quite a character!"
"You've told tales. I recall the one where he took you and mom out into the watermelon field and just pointed at one to pick. You said it was really good! How does someone know that just by looking?"
"I'm not sure about that, but my mom used to say he'd cut open watermelons out in the field after most had been harvested and taste them. I guess he got good at recognizing them by looks."
"That must have been a LOT of melons dad."
"True. He said that after the harvest there were a lot still on the vines, and he'd just plow them under to start the fertilization process."
"Wow. What did he die of anyway?"
"He had lung cancer, like one of his and mom's brothers. Cancer's not been nice to them. Betty Sue's daughter got hit by a version of childhood leukemia." I sighed at the end.
"Oh, I'm sorry dad."
"It happens Ruth. Don't worry. Oh, apparently your chat with Dr. Wong was productive as far as your paper was concerned?"
"Yea, she said she remembered reading about something like that when researching for her dissertation, but since it didn't directly apply she left it out. She said she'd go dig through some of her notes and see if she could find anything."
"That's promising. I think your prof had some ideas for avenues for searching too."
"That’s right, and I'll do some internet searching for whatever I can find. There's some good stuff out on the net it's just filtering it through all the junk."
"I hear that. It's an issue we face with private content even. Finding a way to teach the search engines how to find what we need, rather than unrelated stuff that just happens to have the same search terms indexed."
After dropping Ruth off, and hopping in the drivers’ seat, I headed back to town, thinking about what all had happened. I hope tomorrow is productive. At times it's seamed like I've been making 2 steps back for every 3 forward. Well, I guess time will tell.
I hope this isn't a wild goose chase. This whole thing is getting way out of hand. Makes me almost wish I'd not started out trying to find out. Though getting that bit yesterday was nice... I wonder what else we can dredge up. I wonder, if we find the thing that caused the memory loss, will it all come back? I guess that's what I've been hoping for anyway. I wonder if that enrichment class had anything to do with it, or if it's just a coincidence. "Ahhh. Let's get this over with." I said to myself realizing my mind was wandering again. I climbed out of the car and headed up to the building.
"Good Morning. I'm Bill Wyman; I have an appointment with Dr. Sandhurst this morning."
"Yes sir, he's expecting you. Why don't you head on in?" She indicated a door.
I knocked and heard a come in, so in I went. He was sitting behind one of those LARGE wooden desks... The kind you expect lawyers to use. "Hello Mr. Wyman. You're not here about either of your kids are you?"
"No Craig and Ginny are doing fine. I'm actually here about myself."
He looked a bit surprised at this, and said "That's a new one on me. How may I help you?"
"Well, I also grew up in the school district, and even went to school at the same elementary school my kids have been attending."
"You don't want your grades changed at this date do you?" I laughed a bit at this, and he went on. "I guess you're here, because your records are here, and not at the school."
"That's right. I'm looking for information on an enrichment class I took while in elementary school. I think it was third or fourth grade."
"Think?"
"Yes, I'm afraid I've got a memory issue and I don't recall much of anything that happened to me before fifth grade. My parents mentioned a special enrichment class that I and two others were in that spanned the two years, and I was looking for some information about it, in hopes of finding the two kids in the class with me. They were apparently friends and might have some information about my early years."
"I see. That's an interesting story. I think we can partially help you. We should have records on the class you refer to and the instructor's name. We also should have your classmates names, but due to legal constraints we can't release your classmates names to you."
"Can you give me anything?"
"Oh yes, we can confirm you were in the class or classes. We can confirm how many kids were in the class. We can give you the teacher's name, but not contact information. Not that his or her information would be current anyway. We can even give you your regular class teacher’s names for your grades through fourth. Perhaps you can find one of them and they can give you some more information. At this point, I'm not sure what else we can give you. No, if your teacher had a syllabus on file for the enrichment class, or some other information about it, we can give you that as well, since you were a participant. At a minimum, the document your folks signed allowing you to participate in the class should be there."
"Thank you, that's not as much as I'd hoped, but more than I'd feared. How do we go about this?"
"Well, it depends on what years they were. Some of our older records are still on microfilm. It takes time and money to convert that to more readily searchable media but we're going there. I'll have Abagail find the information you need. She'll also need to check your IDs to confirm you are who you say you are. We have to be careful with our records. You may recall the story from Duchess County a few years ago where someone posed as a parent, got some student records?" At my nod he continued. "What wasn't published was that he was a predator. Luckily someone saw him parked watching one of the schools and they caught him as he was about to take a child. We can't be too careful. Odds are records as old as yours are not likely to be of interest but we can't be too careful."
"I can see that. As far as I know we've not had any real celebrities graduate from around here but I can see the tabloids going after school records if they thought a story was there."
"Exactly." He said as he stood, and beckoned me toward the door. "Abagail, I need you to check that this is in fact Mr. Wyman. Then I need you to go back into the records and get some information for him. He can give you the years. He was apparently in a two year enrichment course during his third and fourth grades. I'd like you to confirm for him that he was in such a class, and if so provide him a copy of the permission page, any syllabus information the instructor may have provided, the instructor's name, and the number of other kids in the class. No names there obviously." She nodded as she took some notes on this. "Then, look up his first through fourth grade teachers, and kindergarten if he took it. If you come across anything else along those lines check with me before giving him copies but I'm guessing as long as other student names are not referenced, it'll probably be okay." She nodded again.
"Do you need anything before we head to the dungeon sir?"
"No, I think I'll be able to survive. Just switch my phone to ring directly on my desk until you get back."
She reached down, and pressed a few buttons. "There sir."
"Okay, get along then." He turned and headed back into his office.
"Well Mr. Wyman, let's get the ID bit out of the way. You said your name was Bill I believe."
"That's my nickname actually. My real name is, now please don't laugh, it’s Leslie Carol Wyman."
"Of course not, but I think I understand why you go by Bill." At my nod she continued. "Let’s get this ID thing out of the way. What all did you bring?" I showed her my passport and drivers license. "Are you still at the address on your license?" She asked as she took the information down.
"Yes. Is this enough?"
"It’s fine. Your name was the same while you were a student?" she asked looking up.
"Yes it was, though by fifth grade, I was already Bill to everyone."
"You were probably luck at that, otherwise you'd have been teased mercilessly."
"Probably true, but I don't remember that time really. That's a big piece of why I'm here actually. I'm trying to recover memories of that part of my childhood."
"You don't remember it? That’s unusual isn't it?"
"Apparently. As far as my memory is concerned, I almost may as well have not existed prior to fifth grade, well, except I could talk and spell and such. I just don’t' remember learning or any friends or anything."
"I'm so sorry. I hope we can find something that'll help you. First, let's find out what years we're working with. That'll tell me whether we can do it here, or if we actually have to go to the dungeon." Well, I graduated from High School in 1974, so I guess that puts fourth grade in 65/66?"
"I was afraid you were going to need that. We've only got '69 on in digital form so far. So we're off to the Dungeon."
"Why do you all keep calling it the dungeon?"
She laughed at this. "Oh, because it's in a climate controlled room down in the basement. No iron maiden or racks down there. I hope you're not disappointed." She said, as she keyed in a code on a cipher lock, and opened a door. I could hear the air pressure change.
"Wow, so this is how our school tax money is being spent."
"Actually no. This was built with a grant from Williamson Communications. We initially used the grant to microfilm all the old records starting back in the '60s. We went back to them for another grant in the mid '90s to convert to an electronic approach and were able to implement it in 2001. I started in '95 and I can tell you getting things out of the new system is so much faster and easier. Luckily the grant paid for a big chunk of the migration of the old microfilm back to '85, and we've been budgeting for another year conversion each budget year." She said this as she walked over to a cabinet and pulled out some film. I felt a bit strange; it's been so long since I'd actually used something on microfilm. "Well, let’s check the index for '65/66. That should tell us which films we need to start with."
"You really know how to find stuff in here." I said complementing her efficiency and how she was explaining things. "Sorry about my crack about tax money."
"It's okay Mr. Wyman. I guess you're lucky I started while we were still actively using this system Sally, the other admin, didn't start until the new system was in place, and she's a bit slow down here. Ahh, I found you. Leslie C. Wyman. I'll be able to get your normal teacher from this one, but it says supplemental is on a second film." She then wrote down my teacher's name, and checked for other info she could share. "I can print out a copy of your report card for the year and a few things like that as well." I could hear the printer going in the background. "Nice grades there Mr. Wyman. Well, except for that first quarter. You can grab those pages over there." She said indicating.
"Umm Thanks." I said as I went over, and noticed what she meant about my first quarter. It looked like I was disrupting class.
"Okay, let's go get the supplemental film and the previous year." She put the film away and grabbed two more. "Let's see if we can find your enrichment class or classes. Okay, you were added to a drama and an electronics class toward the end of the fall term. Want anything there?"
"The drama class might be useful. I think I remember a bit there."
"Okay, I'll crop and send a few pages to the printer then. It looks like you were in a small class on team building for most of fall term, but it didn't continue into the winter or spring. It was you and two other students."
"That sounds like the session. Anything you can provide for me there would be appreciated."
"There actually is a bit, and I'll write down the instructor's name for you. I'll print out what I can for you." Looks like the instructor decided to end the class before Christmas, and he's the one that recommended other classes for you and your classmates. Well, let's go back to third grade shall we?"
"Sounds good, I'm sure it was a less stressful time." She laughed at my weak attempt at humor.
"Well what do you know?"
"Yes?"
"It turns out my aunt was your teacher back in third grade. I'd forgotten which school she was at back then."
I looked up at this. "Do you think you could get me her phone number? She might be able to remember some things that could be helpful."
"Let me check with her when we get back up stairs. She usually enjoys chatting with her old students. But they usually come back a little sooner than you will be." I could hear the smile in her voice. "If she does remember you, she probably can tell you quite a lot. Ahh, this time, the supplementary info is on the same film. That's good. Looks like you had another bad start to the school year, and they decided to test you for a learning disability. I guess back then, they'd have called it retardation. They were a bit crude then. Ahhh. Seems you flunked that test. No surprise I guess. Yes, and here it says the tester was the one that suggested the enrichment class for you and two classmates. Interesting... There's no record of them needing to be tested. That is unusual. In any event, he had a syllabus that was designed to bring out the best in under achievers, and he's shown some success in other schools in and outside the district. It was supposed to be using some new learning techniques. Here, I'll print all this stuff out, and we can check with the Super to see if it's okay to give it all to you, or if we have to summarize it. I'll pick up the next couple pages that print." She went over to the printer, and grabbed a small stack. I'll admit to being intrigued!
"Sounds fascinating! You sure I can't skim those."
"Actually, I suspect you'll be able to take them with you Mr. Wyman, but we have to follow procedures here. Okay, some more reports. Interesting that you weren't put into any of the normal enrichment classes we had that year. The electronics and drama classes were listed then too. Oh well. Your grades also started going up a little bit at first, but by late Fall; there are some notes in your record about dramatic improvements. I'll just print out a bit more stuff here. You can grab it all. Then we can go get your earlier years. You were mostly looking for teachers’ names and such then, right?"
I nodded a bit at this. "Umm, Yea, I think so." I went back to skimming what she'd printed for me, while she went and got two more spools of film.
"Okay, I've got your first and second grade teachers, your report cards and some warning slips. You certainly were not the stellar student back then where you?"
"Umm" I started to say, when she realized what she'd said. "Ooops sorry. Why don't we take a peek at your fifth grade for a comparison, since you seem to remember some of that? If memory serves, the schools were doing an experiment where the teachers would move from class to class, so you'd have had several teachers that year, and one home room teacher. In the late '60s and early '70s the district was doing that at a few schools. The hope was it would prepare them better for Junior High when they would be moving." She said this as she returned the films, and got one more out. "Yep, your school was one of the looping schools. Let’s see what we can find. Grades still good all year Mr. Wyman. Looks like that class, or something, helped with that anyway. Consistent too. I'll note down your teachers names for with the rest, then we can head back up to see the super about the info I printed."
"Great. Out of curiosity, what will they be using this room for once everything is moved to digital format?"
"We've talked with the town and the library. They'd like to take advantage of the controlled environment to store some old documents and such. It's still a few years away at the current rate of conversion. We have microfilms of records going back to the mid '50s and before that for the high school. But I'd guess that within a few years this room will be down to half the capacity in microfilm and they'll do something like that."
"A climate controlled room would be really useful for a library I'd think. You might be able to get some money from rent of space here as well - from some of the business or even a few individuals."
"I don't know about that. You might mention your idea to the Super later. I know we're always under pressure to cost costs and improve the quality of education! Something that brought some revenue to the district would certainly help." She carefully closed up after resetting the lock, and then we headed back up to the office. "I'll see what he has to say about this bit, and be right back with you."
She knocked on Dr. Sandhurst's door, and at his acknowledgement went in. I could hear a bit of discussion in there, but I was going over some of the things she'd printed out for me downstairs. I didn't notice her come back out until she said. "Well, that's settled. He agreed that this is all okay for you to get. Let me quickly type up the list of names for you. Is there anything else?"
"Umm no, thank you very much for all your help."
"Oh, there was one more thing I said you'd do. Let me give my aunt a call, and she what she says." She quickly dialed a number and I did my best to ignore this end of the call. After a few minutes she said. "Thanks Aunt Gloria. I'll let him know." Turning to me she said. "It's all set. She'd be glad to see you. I'll put her number down next to her name, and maybe the two of you can get together. Living alone like she does these days I'm sure she'd enjoy the company."
I thanked her very much for all of her help, and headed out with my pile of papers. Wow, this was one productive day. I'd best put most of this aside when I get home though. I've a bit of prep work before that conference call this afternoon.
"Hi Becky, I got a pile of info from the School Board."
"Is there much about your class and such?"
"A bit, I've not gone over it in great detail as yet, but I also got lucky on a contact!"
"Really?
"Yes, the Superintendent's assistant's mom was my third grade teacher! Not only that, she still lives around here and is willing to talk to me!"
"That's great Bill! Maybe we'll finally find something! Anything else? If not, I've gotta hit the hay early, I've got an important presentation tomorrow."
"That's all Becky. I'm just a bit excited about this! I think I'll go read a few pages before coming to bed, if you don't mind?"
"No, go ahead Bill."
I wonder, should I read through this stuff from the earliest forward, go backward, or jump around. Let's look at that enrichment course! That's different anyway. Okay. Hmmm. Let's Google this guy's name, it's different enough that maybe there's something there. Guess not. That just means there's nothing recent. Oh well, it was a thought. Syllabus.
[Author’s note: The following is what Bill read:]
|
Wow, that's some description. But, the more I look, the more I wonder. He really doesn't say what he's going to do, just the expected outcome. Interesting. But, my parents signed off on it as did the other two sets of parents apparently. Perhaps there was more given verbally. Apparently some of his claims were not all smoke. I wonder if we can find out more about him and his training techniques.
I wonder what Ruth's up to. I see she's still got her computer logged in.
>Hey kiddo. What's up?
>Not a whole lot dad. Just this thing they call studying.
>LOL - Got a name for you to look up, if you get a chance some time.
>Oh? Who's this?
>Some sort of shrink back when I was a kid. I've got a few pieces of paper written by him, but can't find anything on Google.
>Okay, I can check with my prof and maybe some of the old journal indexes. What's his name?
>It's Ulrich Pfister. And apparently he's a Doctor of some sort.
>Okay dad. Not sure when I'll be able to check on it, but I'll let you know what I find out, when I do.
>Thanks. I'll let you get back to your work and I think the old man will hit the hay.
>Night dad.
Well, I hope she finds something, but I really should get some sleep.
Mom was asleep, and I was supposed to be reading, but I remembered the dress in the other room from a previous trip! So, I took the secret passage out the back of my bedroom to the downstairs utility room. When I got there, I carefully listened to the door before sneaking it open. So far there was nobody around. As I headed for the stairs, I tried to remember where the creaky steps were so I could get by without making too much noise.
I got up the stairs and eased open the door. I sure was glad granny kept all of the doors well taken care of. No creaks there. Then, I eased the door shut before giving a sigh of relief. It'd be better now, with the door shut. You could never hear anything through the walls in this house, and I'd only heard things when I got up next to the doors, so I figured I was pretty safe and walked more normally up the short steps into the room proper.
I only hoped the dress was still there. I opened the wardrobe to look. And gave a sigh of relief! There was MY dress! I quickly shucked my sneakers, socks, shorts and t-shirt, and took out the dress. I so loved the bright pink velvet bodice and the light pink puffy sleeves. I picked up the dress, and lifted it over my head to let it slide down my body. I poked my arms through the sleeves, and reached around back for the zipper. Yes, it still fits! Now are there any shoes I can fit. I looked around the bottom of the wardrobe, and there were a couple pair. I grabbed a pair that seemed to match the pale pink of the lower gown. I was a bit nervous at the height though. Maybe with the height I'd not trip over the bottom of the gown. I got them on, but was kinda wobbly - they felt really funny on my feet. Like my toes were getting squished. And I kept feeling like I was going to fall down. I walked over toward the other door clonking along. So far I'd not tripped. I wanted to see myself in the big mirror in the next room.
My hand was on the door knob when I felt it turning in my hand. I panicked and tried to turn to run away, and my shoes caught in the bottom of the dress and I went down. I curled up in a ball with my hear pounding. The door opened slowly, and then I heard. "Why who is this young lady? Is that you Leslie?"
I peeked out to see Aunt Rachel standing there. She didn't look angry so I said "Hi Aunt Rachel. I fell down."
"So I see. Well young lady, you really should get up, but why don't you take off those shoes first and be careful to not hurt the dress."
I looked around a bit sheepishly wondering why I wasn't being yelled at.
"Come on now young lady. Let's get up." She reached down with her hand. "There you go. Now, where did you put your other cloths?" she said as she looked around. "Oh, that’s very good. I’m glad you folded them so nicely." Well, if you reach down on each side of the dress, you can pick it up a bit so it doesn't drag on the ground. Let's go next door, so you can see yourself in the mirror."
I followed along, not really sure where things were heading. I'd been so sure I'd get into trouble for what I was doing, and here was grandpa's sister being so nice to me. It was so confusing. "Now Leslie come and stand here, in front of the mirror. Let me show you something you probably didn't know about the mirror." She reached out, and slide something aside and there was a handle there, she pulled it out, and there was another mirror! Like how neat is that. "Now, if you carefully walk over here, I'll show you how to open the other one."
"There's another? Why three mirrors?"
"Yes there is, and once we get it out you'll be able to see why. If you push this piece of the woodwork away from the mirror, you'll see the other handle. Well grab it and give it a little pull. It'll be hard at first, and then should come out easily." She paused as I did this. "Okay slow now. Watch the mirror. When you see the mirror all the way out, look for where the wood frame changes color. There, see that?" She asked and I nodded. "You can move the mirror back and forth a bit now. Now, come and stand here." She indicated a spot and when I was there, she adjusted both of the mirrors a little. "Okay now turn to the left and right and look at all three mirrors."
"Oh wow, I can see my back! That's neato Aunt Rachel!"
"Yes it is isn't it? There are a lot of interesting things hidden here and there throughout the house. Your grandpa and grandma had a lot of fun thinking of them and working with their carpenter to put them in. I think I know them all but I'm not sure. As to what you can see. That was the intention. Sometimes a lady needs to be able to see her back to make sure everything is just right. Like, if she's wearing a bonnet, the ribbons need to fall down the middle of her back." She stepped back, and motioned for me to turn around slowly. Well, that gown would need to be hemmed if you were going to wear it to a party. Even with those shoes you picked out, which by the way were the ones that went with the dress, it would have been needed."
I stood there, not sure what I should do or say.
"Don't look at me like that Leslie. I'm certainly not going to hurt you! These old gowns haven't been worn in at least 15 years... Since your aunts grew up. But, if you want to wear that, we'll need to take care of a few things. Did you leave your unders on?" At my nod, she continued. "Well, you probably need a few other things to make that dress really comfortable. Let's see if there's anything in the other room. There just might be." she said as her voice trailed off. She turned and strode off to the room I'd been in before. I guessed I'd better follow her, so I picked up the bottom of the gown like she'd told me and followed her. By the time I got there she somehow had pulled what looked like a drawer out of the wall. "I thought she might have left something here." I looked at her wondering who and what she was talking about. "One of your cousins used to wear that dress too, when she was small enough. I thought she might have left a few unders and here we are. If you'll take off the gown, you can put some of these on, while I tack up the hem on the gown so you don't trip over it." She waited for me to get out of the gown. "Go ahead. I've seen you and most of your cousins in a lot less than what you'll still have on, I assure you." I was nervous, and turned away, but I was kinda proud that I could get to the zipper and get out without having to ask for help. I'd gotten myself into places I couldn't get out of before. Comes from not planning ahead I guess. Well I handed her the gown and she handed me a pile of clothing. I guess she'd gotten it out of the drawer while I was getting the gown off. "Put those on, and come see me in the other room." She took the gown, and went back next door.
I looked at the pile, not knowing what it all was for. Well, one piece I could guess. I'd seen my mom in a bra once, and figured this thing must be one. So I looked at it, and figured out how to get it on with a few miss moves along the way. These looked like long socks. I could handle socks! I wonder what this dress like thing was for. It had little straps of its own. Maybe it was a nightgown. Though I couldn't figure out why she’d want me to wear one. But I wiggled into it. I got my head through one of the straps by accident once and had to work it off and then realized it must be backwards ‘cause it felt kinda funny, like when you get your unders on backwards. When I pulled my arms back in through the straps and squirmed my way around and put them back through, it felt better, and I noticed a little bow like thing that was in the middle. Well, that's the stack. Now to go see what Aunt Rachel was going to do next. This slippery thing sure felt soft against my skin! I wonder what it's called. I walked into the room, and said "I think I got it all Aunt Rachel."
She looked up from where she seemed to be doing something to the dress. "Okay, I've tacked the hem up just a bit. If you're going to be wearing it much, we'll have to do a better job." I looked at her in surprise at this. "Well come on young lady. Let's see how it goes. Raise your hands." So, I did, and she lifted the gown over my head. It was so much easier with someone to help! She even pulled up the zipper. Okay, now walk over to the mirrors and take a look."
"It's not much difference Aunt Rachel?"
:"No, not now, but if you wore that dress for a few hours you'd notice the difference." She beckoned me over and then handed me these slipper like shoes. "Try these on Leslie, I think they'll fit and you'll find them easier to walk in."
I slipped them on. They were sorta like my moccasins but were sorta white rather than brown. I walked around on them and they seemed okay to me. When I looked back at Aunt Rachel, she was holding a hat. It had a really wide brim, and pink ribbons that matched my dress. I rushed over to her hoping she'd let me wear it too.
"Slow down dear. The hem really isn't in that strongly, if you catch it, you'll probably rip the dress. Now, let's see how this looks." She put the hat on my head off to one side a bit and then arranged the ribbons down my back. They sorta tickled hitting my shoulders. "Now dear don't fidget so. Go ahead now and walk over to the mirrors and take a look."
I carefully walked over not wanting to hurt anything. I really couldn't wait to see how I looked. "Ooooh I love it." I said twirling around to see myself from all sides.
"Yes, I think you look very nice my dear. Come along now." She held her hand out, and I went to her. I figured that she was going to make me get undressed now. I took her hand, and she turned. Not toward the other room like I'd expected, but out toward the hall.
"Noooo" I screamed
I sat up suddenly wondering what had happened, and then realized it had just been a dream, and I hadn't actually screamed. Talk about vivid. Could all of that been really true? It's not like most dreams I'd had so full of details and they were all still there. I looked over and luckily Becky was still asleep. I got up, and grabbed my dream diary. I figured I'd best get as much detail down as I could while it was still fresh, but somehow I didn't think I'd be forgetting that dream any time soon!
After I wrote down my recollections, I sat on the sofa thinking about the dream. Was much of it real? It really was Aunt Rachel in the dream. I knew that. And, the dress was the one I'd vaguely remembered before. But, the rest of that, I wondered how much was really true. Wait, I remember that Aunt Rachel used to refer to my sister, could I have been the sister she was referring to? No, that just wasn't possible was it? I looked down at myself, trying to picture myself as a kid in a dress and it just didn't work.
What a strange dream. It merges pieces from reality like a real one does, and other bits I don't recall. The problem is that most of it is verifiable. Do I want to verify it? Wow. I can't see how this was triggered by my session Monday. I wasn't even with the same side of the family in that. And I was older here.
Well, best try to get back to sleep. Such a strange dream. I wonder what it all means.
I stretched and hit the alarm clock while yawning leaned over to make sure Becky was getting up. "Hi sweety, it's that time of day again." I said as I leaned over to give her a kiss.
She stretched. "One of these days, I'm going to throw that alarm out the window. Were you up a bit last night?" At my nod, she went on "Project problems?"
"No, actually it was a strange dream. A few bits were familiar, but a lot was way out."
She looked up at the tone in my voice. "Okay, it's bugging you Bill what's the story?"
I sat down, and gave her a condensed version of what I'd written in my journal. "It was the dress I remembered. You know from the list."
"And, it might explain why your Aunt Rachel mentions a girl. But, do you think it really happened?"
"Probably not. I mean can you really imagine her dressing a little boy up? Or a little boy climbing into a dress? It's probably all manufactured stuff, but it was enough to wake me up!"
"I hear about folks that do that dress up stuff, and you do know there are people that live differently dear."
Once she said it, I realized I did know that. "You're right. But I still can't see it."
"I wouldn't worry, unless it happens again. Now come on, we've stuff to get done this mooring."
"Right."
That afternoon
I don't know about this. It feels kinda strange going to visit my 3rd grade teacher after all these years and not even know her. I wonder if she even remembers me. But, she did agree to talk to me. After all these years, I wonder. Let's the turn should be coming up soon. Ah, there it is. Now, the house should be along here somewhere soon. Ummm. Big tree, must be that one up there. Here we are. Oh boy, am I nervous, or am I nervous. Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
I walked up to the house, thinking how tidy the lawn and plants were. I rapped the old fashioned knocker and waited.
"Hello, you must be Mr. Wyman." Said a kindly looking lady about my parents’ age. Wow, she must have been young to have been my teacher!
"Um. Yes ma'am." I replied
"Oh, do come in. I've prepared some tea for us if you would like some?" She indicated a parlor.
"Yes please. That would be nice. 2 lumps please." Okay, I have a few sweet teeth. I get my exercise.
After pouring my tea, and one for herself, she sat down, indicating that I do the same. I may not remember her, but she could
"I'm sorry to bother you Mrs. King."
"Oh, you're grown up now, you can call me Val. I never did eat any children." I laughed at this a little nervously. "I'm always happy to see old students, and how they're getting along, but most do come and visit a little sooner, if they're going to. Now Stephy told me that you have some memory issues you're trying to get a handle on. Would you care to explain how you think I can help?"
"Well M.. Val" I corrected before she could again. "I seem to have no memory of what happened through MOST of fourth grade and anything before that. I've discovered I got into a special enrichment class in third grade along with two classmates and that this class continued into fourth grade but stopped for some reason. I was wondering if you knew anything about the class or who the classmates were." I looked up at that, and saw she had an interesting expression.
"Well Mr. Wyman"
"That's Bill please Val." I interrupted.
"Okay Bill. Before you started talking, I didn't think I remembered you. But, I did remember that class, and the three students! It happened my second year teaching. You say you were one of the three?"
"According to the school records I was. I was wondering if you remembered us, and why we needed the class and even who they were."
She smiled at that. "Yes, I remember the three musketeers. You three were inseparable. They'd tried in first and second grade, but it just caused problems."
"I don't understand, if we got along, why separate us?"
"Well, back then, we tended to encourage the boys to play together and the girls to play together." I nodded, as if that made sense to me. "But, you, Stacy and Karen were always together. In second grade, they tried splitting the three of you into different classes. After a few weeks, they gave up and moved you back together. You were not great students, but you were not trouble makers either. After seeing that, they decided to give me the three of you for third grade. Since you particularly seemed to be having trouble, I decided to check to see if you had a learning disability and were in need of help. Seems you were more interested in stuff outside of class. You and the two girls. What a trio." She sat back and took a sip of tea.
"Sorry to have been troublesome."
"Oh Bill. Troublesome isn't the term I'd have used, more not there some of the time. When you paid attention, I could see you knew what was going on, but the rest of the time. Well, that's why I wanted to get you tested. The girls seemed to pay a little better attention, but, with one of you tested, we went ahead and tested the three of you. I'm sure you know you are a very intelligent individual." At my nod, she went on. "Well Karen and Stacy were statistically just as intelligent. The three of you were shoulders above the rest of the class, and I couldn't figure out how to engage you. I'll admit to feeling a little overwhelmed at the time. Let me look some stuff up in my diaries." She got up, and went over to a book case. "Let's see, that would have been about... Here we go. I think this will have something." She pulled a volume off the shelf. "I'm a diary writer from when I was a little girl, and as you can see, by now they take up quite a bit of space. Every now and again, I pick one at random to see what I was thinking about and what was important 10, 20 or 50 years ago. Its fun." she said as she returned to her seat. I did wonder what all she had in those books. Looked like it might be quite a history in there. "I'm afraid some of my first diaries do show the age they were written. Now, lets see. I thought so; I was drawing pictures as well back then. I might just." she said as she flipped through pages "Yes, I did do one." She showed me of a picture of three kids around a table. They were all dressed similarly.
"That's a nice drawing. Do you have any me and my friends?"
"Bill, that's you with the shorter hair. You were always like that. Except when the girls were in skirts and such, you ended up in almost the same thing every day. I even asked your parents about it and they all said the three of you didn't coordinate. It was like you were three peas in a single pod - or maybe triplets. None of us could figure it out."
"Wow, that's amazing. You were a good artist too! Their faces are so life like!" She smiled at my comment. "Did we really look like that?"
"I believe so. It's been a long time, but I was pretty good about capturing detail back then."
"Do you think I could get a copy of that picture?" I said with some animation.
"I don't generally let these out of the house" she began to say.
"Oh, that's not what I meant. I've got a portable scanner out in the car with my laptop. I could use it. It's like taking a picture of your page."
"You can do that?" She had a question in her voice.
"Sure, let me run out and get my bag, and I'll show you." And with that, I was up, heading for the door and she was following me. I grabbed my bag from the car, and came back inside. "First I set up my Laptop, to get it going." I said as I then pulled out my hand scanner and a ruler. I'd found the hard way I needed it to keep my scans straight. After plugging it in, I said "If you'll hold your journal open, I'll show you." With that, I ran the scanner across the picture, impressed again with her drawing skill. "And, now you can see it here on my screen." And I showed it to her.
"My, this is so amazing. I barely get by with a bit of e-mail with my nieces and nephews." I looked up at her at that.
"No children?"
"I'm afraid not, I guess all of you were my children." She sounded a bit sad at that. "Well, we were looking into your class I believe, not the complaints about an old woman." At my apparently obvious reaction to that. “No, I am one, though, I'm certainly not dead yet. Let me see if there's something else about the three of you." she said as her voice trailed off, and she flipped through some more pages. "Oh right, you wanted their names. Just found a note here. Leslie Wyman, Stacy Hauptman and Karen Stewart. The three musketeers!" I was excited to get those names, but they didn't sound familiar. Let's see. Ahh, here's a note where I was complaining to myself that you three were missing half a day of classes twice a week."
"Wow, that's a lot isn't it?"
"By today's standards it certainly is. And, if memory serves, it was very unusual back then too. I don't recall anything else that took that kind of time out of classes. I'm sure it's a bit unique or I wouldn't have noted it."
"Thank you so very much! You don't have any other useful tidbits in that little black book do you?"
"You're still silly Bill. Oh, I wanted to ask, why'd you stop using Leslie? It's such a nice name."
"I don't know. As far back as I can remember, I've been Bill. It never occurred to me to use Leslie."
She'd been paging through her diary some more. "Here's where I noted with relief that you were all paying more attention in class and participating. But you were still in your own group at recess."
"That seems to agree with my report card. That shows I was doing better the second quarter on in third grade. I know you weren't my teacher in fourth grade, but do you have any recollection of me or us then?"
"That would be in the next journal. Let me quickly look through to the end of this and see if there's anything else and if not I'll go take a look." She sat there paging through the last bit of her diary and looked up. "Here's an interesting picture I drew toward the end of the school year." I looked at it for a minute, and then glanced over at the computer screen.
"The girls, they're the same two girls."
"Yes and the boy, with them, is you. I'd forgotten that you had stopped looking so much like triplets by the end of the year." At my questioning look she said. "Go ahead and make a copy of that picture too if you like." Needing no more encouragement, I did. Then I looked up.
"Umm. Which one is which? You don't happen to remember do you?"
"No, I'm sorry I don't recall. Let me go get my next journal and I'll let you know if I find anything more. Help yourself to the tea." I did, thinking about the changes in the two pictures. We were still together there, but while the two girls were still dressed in similar styles I was obviously different. Even after looking at the first picture, I'd not recognized me as being the same person. I wonder what, if anything, it means.
While I was lost in introspection, she was going through her second book. Eventually though, she did interrupt me. "Well, I found something. It was a note about your special class teacher. I was asking him if he'd test another student I had, and he was a bit abrupt saying that he'd finished with the three of you and wouldn't have any more time here at the school, and why would he want to test some other kid here. My note was surprised that someone who was entrusted to teach children would act like that."
"Wow. That is unusual I'd think. The memo he wrote about starting the class sounded nothing like that!"
"Maybe a Doctor didn't want to be bothered with kids any more or maybe his private practice took off or something. This reminds me that he never came back after Christmas that year. The district had to scramble to find a replacement. But, I think that'll probably be it."
"Thank you very much Mrs. I mean Val. This really means a lot to me."
"I always like to see my old students. It's nice to see when they've succeeded, as you apparently have."
We spent the next 20 minutes with me giving her the story of my last 40 years and my family. It was actually fun having someone new to brag about my kids with. My friends had long gotten tired of it I'm sure, but they are wonderful kids.
"Well Bill, that's fascinating, but I'm sure you have better things to do than spend all afternoon chatting with an old lady. You are welcome any time, but it is getting late."
I looked down at my watch, and said. "Wow, I'd no idea it was so late. I've had a WONDERFUL time. Thank you so much for helping me today."
"You're quite welcome Bill. It's been fun. If anything else occurs to me, how should I contact you?"
I pulled a business card out of my bag and handed it to her. "My cell number and my e-mail address are right here Val. I really appreciate all the help you've been. Those journals are quite amazing.
"Oh, I just thought of one more thing. Your class picture. I kept all of them over the years." She was almost young the way she jumped up and ran off into the other room. She came back with a larger album with sleeves. She obviously knew how to take care of the pictures. She opened it up, and turned to the second page. There we all were. I looked closely and there grouped together on one side.
"Wow, we look just like you drew us. Do you mind if I try to get a scan of this too?"
"Go ahead, but it's enough bigger I don't see how you will get it with that little gadget."
I got my laptop back out, and the scanner. It took two passes, but I thought I’d be able to merge them well enough. Just in case, I did another pass over the area where we were standing.
"You know, I've never seen the class picture before. I'd have thought my parents would have had one."
"Not all the parents got them, they were expensive. But I wanted something to remember each class."
"I'm very glad you did!" I said as I put my toys away again. "This has been a wonderful afternoon. I can't thank you enough. And, if you do think of something please call."
"I'd be glad to, and I'm glad I had something helpful. Now be careful and go back and take care of your family."
I left, and got my stuff put away, and headed for home, thinking about all I'd seen and heard. This was just amazing. Suddenly, a car came out of nowhere. I slammed on my brakes and...
"No, I think that's it and quite enough too." I saw her smile at that. "It's almost as if someone made that Chinese curse on me. You know the one about living in interesting times?"
In the last episode:
I left, and got my stuff put away, and headed for home, thinking about all I'd seen and heard. This was just amazing. Suddenly, a care came out of nowhere. I slammed on my brakes and...
"Emergency services."
"Yes, I'd like to report a single car automobile accident on county route 219."
"Are there any injuries?"
"I don't know yet. I wasn't in the accident. But the car plowed pretty hard into this telephone pole, and it's half broken. Okay, I'm at the car now; the driver appears slumped over the steering wheel. I can't tell any more right now, the window's up and the door's locked."
"All right sir, can you give me a better location than that so I can mobilize Sheriff and Ambulance services?"
"I was heading westbound out the Breezwood area. Let me go check my GPS and I'll give you a better location."
"Thank you sir. I've already dispatched services and will update them with your information. Please stay on the scene until emergency services get there."
I acknowledged this and got him my GPS info. "Ahh, we're in luck, there's an ambulance less than 3 minutes from your location."
"Do you want me to try to get into the car to check on the driver? I can probably break the window."
"If they ambulance were further away I would, but they will probably be there before you can determine much and have tools to deal with this."
"Okay. Do I stay on the line? Or just hang around?"
"Just wait there and follow the directions of the emergency personnel when they arrive."
"Okay I'll be here."
I gave the house a quick call, and wonder of wonders Craig was there and answered.
"Yo dad, what's up?"
"Hey son. I'm going to be a while getting home this afternoon. Can you stick around until your mom or I get there so someone's there when Ginny gets home?"
"Dad, I was gunna go over to Rodgers to play on his console."
"How about you have him over? I don't know how long I'll be."
"Awww Dad. Okay. What happened anyway?"
As I was about to answer when I heard the siren and Craig said "What's going on?"
"I was almost in an accident and stopped to help. It'll keep me a while. I'll give you the gory details when I see you. Gotta run now."
"Okay dad. We'll do it here."
We signed off and I went over to the car. They directed me to stay back and wait for the Sheriff. As I'd never been on an accident scene like this, I was fascinated by how they did things. They had this too that cut through the door like it was butter. Then one of them was checking the driver out. He called for a board and then they did something I couldn't see very well, but the steering wheel was tossed aside. They then did some more stuff with the guy in the car that I couldn't see, but when they had him out, there was something holding his neck stationary and the two paramedics, or I assume that's what they were, were very careful to not move him much.
"Excuse me sir, were you the witness who called this accident in?" I turned. I'd been so fascinated by watching the paramedics; I'd not noticed the Sheriff's car pull up.
"What? Oh yes. I called it in." He went on to ask me questions about what had happened, and when I showed him where I'd slammed on my breaks to avoid the other car, he commented about how lucky I must have been.
Part way through the conversation he had to break off and talk to the paramedics, before they took off. I suspect to get any details they may have been able to on his ID and such. While he was doing this, one of the paramedics came over to check how I was and make sure I'd not gotten hurt. I assured him I was fine.
"Well Sir, sometimes you pull a muscle when maneuvering to avoid an accident. If you start hurting tomorrow, you might check with your doctor to make sure." I thanked him for this, and he rejoined his partner and off they went.
The deputy returned and took the rest of my information. "Well Mr. Wyman. From what I can see, you've had a very close call. If you'd be just a little slower swerving or been just a little further along, he'd have hit your door pretty hard."
"I figured some of that out, while I was watching the paramedics. Is there anything else you need from me?"
"No sir, thanks for staying to call this in. This road doesn't normally get a lot of traffic. If you'd have just kept going, who knows how long that guy would have sat there. They said there might be some internal bleeding. Again, thanks again for calling this in."
I said good bye, and headed off for home.
After arriving at home
I was able to satiate Craig by describing the accident, and showing him the picture I'd taken with my phone.
"Wow dad, that's some smash up! I guess you couldn't leave the guy."
"I'm glad you approve Craig."
"Daaad. That's not what I meant."
"I know. Go off now, and do your thing."
Later that evening
"Bill, did I hear you'd observed an accident on the way home from your teacher's place?"
I nodded at that. "It was a close one actually. I just missed being part of the accident." I then told her the story and explained that I was okay.
"Speaking of your chat with your teacher how did that go?"
"Actually pretty well. She remembered me after all. Apparently my two companions and I had made quite an impression on the school up to her grade."
"You're kidding? Three kids that are still remembered this many years later?"
"Well, it was the enrichment class that reminded her. Would you believe we were nicknamed the three musketeers?"
Becky laughed at that. "Okay, so did you find anything else out?"
I pulled out prints of the pictures I'd scanned this afternoon and described what Val had said about us, and mentioned the girls’ names.
"Bill, maybe you should look in your high school yearbooks, to see if they were still in classes in the area then. If they were maybe we could find them, and see what they remember from back then. I'm not sure if I hope they have the same block or not." she said, with her voice trailing off at the end. Hearing that, I understood her concern, I thought. If they didn't remember, they wouldn't be able to help with the quest much. The idea to check my year books would be quick to follow up in the morning.
I gave Becky a hug before lying down to go to sleep. I didn't notice the look of concern on her face.
The next morning
Hmmm. Let's see if I can find either picture. Hmmm. That is interesting. We graduated 1-2-3 together and I didn't remember them. Curioser and curioser. Well, I'm going to grab these pictures, to put with the rest. We seem to be compiling quite a bit, but not necessarily getting any closer, or not very. Then, it occurred to me I might find their names in the phone book, but a quick check turned up nothing. Well, we can look later.
That afternoon
"Well Mr. Wyman, how has your week been?"
"Doc, you won't believe it!" I started, and then went on to describe the dream session and the trip to the Board of Ed. She was pretty quiet, letting me talk and just asking a question or two to keep me on track. When I got to the dream I'd had, she asked to read my journal about it. I watched her reading, and saw her eyebrows raise a time or two. I guess she found it a tad on the unusual side.
"Is that the dress you mentioned in your list of memories earlier?"
"Yes, or I think so anyway."
"Have you tried to confirm any of the rest of this?"
"Not really. Yesterday I was talking to my third grade teacher and I've been trying to get through my work too. That's why I've only read a bit of the material I got from the Board of Ed."
"I see. Well, does this Aunt Rachel really exist?"
"Maybe. What I remembered from the dream looks like her, and she's living in the home over in Merchantsville." I said, hoping she wouldn't recall that this was the aunt that referred to my sister.
"Is this the same Aunt Rachel that would sometimes mention a sister?" Danged she got it.
I nodded "Um Yea. She looked like the pictures in mom's photo album and from visiting in my teens. I guess she sounded a bunch like what she sounds today."
"You don't sound like you're happy with this." I could recognize a leading comment when I heard it and signed before continuing.
"Well, I mean, how many guys are happy dressing up in dresses? Really now."
"More than you apparently think. But the question is more do you think it happened?"
"I really don't know. Is it possible I'm a gay and didn't know it?"
"Mr. Wyman, it's not unusual for young boys to wear a woman's clothing a time or two. Most never do again. As to being gay, the one has nothing to do with the other. What made you ask me that?
"Well, I've heard of these female impersonators and figured they were gay."
"No Mr. Wyman, some may actually be, but the vast majority of genetic males that wear women's clothing are not professional 'female impersonators'." I guess my skepticism showed.
She went on to say that there were several classifications of adults that would wear the clothing of the opposite sex from that which they were born into. "Rather than go into a lot of detail in the session, I can give you some web sites that describe this in layman’s terms, and we can go back to my question as to whether you think this event really happened."
I was still uncomfortable with answering this, and told her so, but I also said that it certainly felt real when I was waking up from it. "I mean, I don't normally remember that kind of details about things I dream of."
"I see. It may be possible that this was triggered by your session on Monday, but it may be something else entirely. Seeing as this seems to disturb you so much, you might ask your aunt about it. If she confirms it, you have something to think about. But if she says it didn't happen, you can ignore it as any other dream."
I told her I'd think about it, but I realized this had disturbed me more than I'd thought, and that maybe I wasn't as open minded as I thought. This latter was the most disturbing bit.
"Mr. Wyman, you still with me?"
"Wha... Oh, sorry. I was thinking over what you said and realized that the dream had bothered me more than I'd let my self realize."
"Do you want to talk about your feelings on that?"
"No, not right now. Now that I realize it, I'd like to think about it some. I may come back talk to you some more next week though."
"Of course, then why don't we go on? Is there anything else to add to this already eventful week?"
"Actually, yes." She looked up, I guess a little bit surprised. "I met my third grade teacher yesterday. And found that she even remembered me."
"Really? That's unusual as well; you must have done something to be so memorable."
"It was partially that. Actually, what triggered the memory was my mentioning the special enrichment class I was in. She remembered the class, and that helped her recall the three of us. Some bits of the stuff she told me sounded a little disturbing. But she even had some pictures of the three of us. Apparently the two girls and I were referred to as the three musketeers by the teachers because we were never apart. But I don't recall them, and I found out this morning in my year book that the three of us ended up 1-2-3 in our class in high school, and I'd completely forgotten their names or that we'd done that."
"Interesting. Are you going to take that further?"
"I think so. It's a little disturbing to me that some people I was that close to in my class, they must have been in most of my classes in High School; I'd have no memory of. When I came to see you, I thought my memory hole was just when I was a kid. Now it seems there's bits missing later that I had no clue about."
"I see. Well, good luck on your hunt there. As we're approaching our time, is there anything else you want to bring up?"
"No, I think that's it and quite enough too." I saw her smile at that. "It's almost as if someone made that Chinese curse on me. You know the one about living in interesting times?"
"Yes, Mr. Wyman. And with this week, it does sound like you are living in interesting times. I'll see you again next week. Oh, and let me get you that list of web sites. Wait right here." With that, she left the room, but was back in less than three minutes with a piece of paper. "This lists a number of websites that have useful information on gender issues. Browsing a few might give you a better understanding of what the various differences that you seemed to be confused on earlier."
I looked at the title on the page Transgender Information Resources. Okaaaay. Well, I've always thought I was open minded. My reaction earlier surprised me a bit. Maybe this bit of research might not be all bad. "Thanks. My reaction earlier surprised me a bit."
"You're quite welcome Mr. Wyman. I hope you find the information enlightening."
I nodded, as I walked out thinking some troubling thoughts. Today hadn't been as easy as I'd expected it to be. Now, I'm not sure how tonight will go with Becky.
That evening
"Well Bill, I hope today was less exciting as the rest of the week."
"It was, and in a way it wasn't Becky."
"That sounds ominous Bill. What's up?"
"It was my session with Dr. Flynn."
"What happened there?"
"Becky, do you think I'm a bigot?"
"No Bill, you're one of the most open minded people I know. What's going on?"
"Becky, after talking about my dream with the doctor, she asked me if I thought it had happened." At her nod, I continued. "I reacted strongly Beck. I said I hoped not, and asked if it mean I was gay or something." I could see the shock on her face.
"Yes?"
"Hold onto your seat dad. He wrote some of those articles!"
In the last episode Bill and Becky were talking:
"No Bill, you're one of the most open minded people I know. What's going on?"
"Becky, after talking about my dream with the doctor, she asked me if I thought it had happened." At her nod, I continued. "I reacted strongly Beck. I said I hoped not, and asked if it mean I was gay or something." I could see the shock on her face.
"Bill what would one have to do with the other? And, what's the problem with the gays?"
"That's just it Becky, they aren't related and I have no idea where the question came from!"
"Okay, well another mystery to add to our growing list. You're not collecting them are you?"
I gave a nervous sort of laugh. "Not that I know of, but they are stacking up a bit aren't they. That's not all though."
"Oh? What else?" She sounded a little concerned at this point, not that I blamed her. I was disturbed too.
"The doctor gave me a list of web sites with information on sexual variations. You're welcome to look at the stuff. I looked at some this afternoon, and I tell you I had no idea."
"Okay Bill. I'll take a look too, just so I understand what you're talking about if you decide to go off on something based on what you learn on these places. But, something else is bothering you. I can tell you've not dropped the other shoe yet."
"Well, this morning, I was checking out the two girls form my class in the yearbook." At her nod, I continued. "Well the three of us graduated 1-2-3 and, when Mrs. King mentioned their names they weren't familiar. I know I'm not great with names, but you'd think I'd remember the two people that were neck and neck with me going for Valedictorian don't you. That and they must have been in most of my classes. When I looked at their pictures, I had no idea who they were!"
"Wow that sounds strange. I would have thought you'd have recalled at least one of them. You've told me stories of stuff in high school every now and again. I think it's getting more important that we find them, and see if they've been hurt like you were, or if they're fine, and wondered what happened to you."
"I'm almost scared something happened to all of us Becky."
"I know you are Bill. But I'm sure we can get to the bottom of this. I think you should call your Aunt Rachel, and we should go and ask her about the dream." I flinched at this. "I know Bill. But, if she just laughs, or maybe tells us about your sister. That would help wouldn't it?"
"Okay Beck. If you think so."
"Right and I think we need to find these two friends of yours. Even if you've forgotten them. How about I take that on?"
"Okay, it might be better. I'm beginning to feel just a little bit stressed about all of this."
"Bill, I'll take care of it. Once I find them, I'm sure they will be very nice people. You are you know. Just because you don't remember them doesn't mean they turned into monsters."
I gave a sigh. "I don't know what it is Becky. Every time I think about them, I get this feeling I'm not supposed to go near them. It doesn't make any sense!"
"Don't worry about it dear. When we got married, we agreed to be a team. You know the two becomes one! Well this is my bit of the job now." I don't know how or why, but this was very reassuring. "How about talking to Aunt Rachel?"
"Do you think that will help? I figured it was just some sort of silliness my overworked brain came up with."
"Well Bill, if you don't ask her, you'll probably not ever find out. Wouldn't you rather know either way?"
"Ummm. Maybe."
"Come on Bill. It couldn't be that bad could it?"
"Maybe." I turned and grabbed my journal, hoping I wasn't making a big mistake. "I only gave you the summary of the dream Beck. Here's the whole thing." I handed her my dream journal with some trepidation. It really was a strange dream.
As she read, she looked up a number of times. "This IS a bit more than you said before Bill. I'd think you'd be more interested in finding out."
"Uhuh, but what if it actually happened Becky?"
"Bill, you were a kid playing with an aunt, at least until the end. What's the issue?"
"In the dream, I felt like I was enjoying myself. Guys shouldn't like that!"
"Bill, you were a kid. What kids do and what adults do are different things. I'll say that experimenting with dressing is much less of a problem than experimenting with drugs." At my hesitant nod, she continued. "And, if your aunt helped you with the experiment, that's probably not a bad thing either. You would have been less likely to have hurt your self. Another point as to it being a phase... When was the last time you wore a dress?" I must have looked a little startled at that as she continued. "See? Now thinking back, do you recall any time you might have done something like that?" At my nod she continued. "And, another thought you seem to have either ignored or forgotten. Perhaps it's not really you dreaming of yourself, but a dream of your sister, the one you can't remember and nobody talks about. Maybe you saw something as a kid, and since you can't remember your sister you're putting yourself in her place."
"I'd never thought of that Becky." Her alternate rationale for the dream was actually very reassuring. "Maybe I can ask her about that. It has been a while since my last visit. Maybe I should stop by this weekend for a bit. You want to come along?"
"We'll see Bill. It'll depend on whether I need to push Ginny and whether Ruth has time to watch her. Speaking of which, you're picking her up tomorrow aren't you?"
"Yes, I confirmed it with her last night. She's here for the weekend so you can do your meeting Monday morning and I don't have to cancel."
The next afternoon
"Hey kid, thanks for coming home again so soon."
"No problem dad. I'll get to ask Dr. Wong a few more questions in person. I also want to show her my outline, and reference list."
"How is that project coming?"
"It's been interesting dad. Would you believe some of the reference material has only been available the past few years through the freedom-of-information act?"
"Not surprising really. You said you were writing about our reaction to the soviets use of hypnotism to improve the effectiveness of their soldiers."
"I guess. I'm just glad the material's in the open again. Oh, and get this. That guy that taught your class?"
"Yes?"
"Hold onto your seat dad. He wrote some of those articles!"
"You have to be kidding." I said, the shock plain in my voice. "Why would a kid’s teacher or pediatric psychiatrist, if they called them that, have written something that needed classifying?"
"I'm not sure yet dad. Nothing in the article seems to be worthy of classification to me. But the government classifies some strange stuff."
I laughed at this, despite being a little concerned about the coincidence. "In any event, the week's been a bit busy on my end. I had a strange dream during the week, and told Dr. Flynn about it. As a result, she gave me a list of web sites to read up on stuff."
"What kinda stuff dad?"
As I'd been expecting the question, I indicated the envelope in the door well beside her. "It's in the envelope." I was nervous telling her that, but what else could I do. She was helping with things and if I started hiding stuff who knows how and when it would come out. I'd never keep straight who knew what. I'd always subscribed to honesty, but the way things were going, I was getting nervous. In fact the very silence from over there was disturbing. "Ruth?"
"Sorry dad. I just never though you'd be needing a list like this?"
"Apparently I sounded a bit bigoted in my reactions to the dream."
I heard an indrawn breath. "You've got to be kidding! I mean I remember what you did to Craig when he was going on about the teacher that came out two years ago. There's no way you're bigoted dad!"
"Well, I certainly sounded like it when the Doc asked if the dream could have happened Ruth. So maybe I need some more education... And that's the list Dr. Flynn gave me."
"Okay dad, what's this dream that has you so riled up?" I gave her a brief overview of the dream, and she saw how I might be surprised by it and the question. She also said she didn't understand why I'd reacted the way I had.
"Ruth, you're acting like you know what that trans whatever is?"
"Well, yea dad. I know someone that's been all the way through. She's a lovely lady now, but she still has nightmares. I even recognize some of these resources. She gave me a list like this one so I could understand where she was coming from better."
"I've not had time visit any yet. I was going to this evening. Maybe you can point me to where to start." I probably sounded a bit bemused at this point, because Ruth asked if she needed to drive. THAT got my attention. "No thanks Ruth. I'll do better now. Thanks for reminding me where I should be concentrating now."
That evening
This is interesting stuff. Some is not surprising I guess. But that there is so much information on something I didn't even have a hint was there. Ruth reminded me that there are Gays in our community. These sites are eye opening. If that dream were real, and not some passing fancy, it would have meant I was likely transgendered in some way. What a scary thought. But, that couldn't be, could it? I mean, I've never had thoughts about dressing or other in all the years I can remember. Oh well, I'd best clue Becky in on this info before tomorrow. I think. And, since Ruth is here, she may as well hear too.
Luckily Ginny was down for the night, I got Ruth & Becky and we talked for a good half hour or so. I showed Becky some of the information from the more descriptive site. Ruth's already seen it.
"Okay Bill, based on what you said earlier in response to Dr. Flynn's question, I can understand why she wanted you to look these up. If you've not run across someone going through transition, the way you move around from client to client, you will eventually and it's probably for the best that you know what it is and can be compassionate about his or her problems." To say I was surprised at her reaction would be putting it mildly. "Come on Bill, our state allows for same sex marriages. What's the difference? These are people born in the wrong body. They deserve our compassion."
"Woah honey, you're getting me wrong. I'm surprised you're so up on the topic not disagreeing. I'd no idea that transgender folks even existed and here you and Ruth are both not only aware of it, but know a good bit about the issues. Ruth explained her reason in the car today, but why are you so up on it?"
"Simple, that's what my presentation on Monday is all about. We're about to implement a new corporate policy in this area. We have an employee in our San Francisco office going through Transition right now, and we need this in place to protect him, and any others that may have to go through this in the future." She turned to Ruth "And where did you run into this sweety?"
"Someone at the Uni mom. I'd rather not say who."
"That's okay; he or she has every right to his or her privacy. I'm proud that you're willing to support this person." She turned back to me. "I think it was good that you read this tonight. No matter what Aunt Rachel says tomorrow, this doesn't sound like it applies to you. Right?"
"Um, Yea. If she confirms it, it was probably just a phase like you suggested. Well, since you already know this stuff and probably better than I do why don't we all just call it a night."
Sunday afternoon
"Becky, I'm glad you were able to come along. I'm really nervous about this. What if she just laughs?"
"Then she laughs Bill. And you chalk it up to a silly dream. Meanwhile she's fun to visit with in any event. Come on. Let's go see her."
With that, we took the elevator to her floor, and knocked on her door.
"Bill and Becky, what a pleasant surprise!"
"Hi Aunt Rachel. Becky and I were talking the other day, and realized how long it's been since we've been over to see you."
"You're such nice kids. You're always welcome you know. And, I will see you at your mom and dad's for Thanksgiving dinner in a few weeks! Would either of you like some tea? I've a fresh pot I just brewed."
We both took cups, and settled down in her living room to chat.
"Now, you youngsters are up to something. You're better than most about visiting, but you said I came up in conversation, and I know old ladies don't just come up out of nowhere in chats."
Well, I guess this was it. I had forgotten about that comment as we arrived. "Well, Aunt Rachel. I had a dream a few days ago, and you were in it."
"Mercy me. What could I have been doing in your dream? Don't tell me I was traveling the world, because I never have."
She had me laughing with her comment. "No, actually we were both in the dream. It was when I was a little kid."
She looked at me pretty hard with that. I'm not sure what the look meant though I would shortly.
"Oh? Care to describe the dream?"
"Umm. Well, it was in Grandpa and Grandma's house, and..." I started describing the dream looking toward the floor, not really wanting to see if she was laughing or not. Without comments from Aunt Rachel or Becky I just kept on telling the story. When I finally ground to a halt, I looked up at Becky and my heart almost stopped when I saw how big her eyes were.
"Well young man..." started Aunt Rachel
Last time, Bill had just told his Aunt Rachel about the dream with the two of them and responded with.
"Well young man..." stated Aunt Rachel
"Well young man that was some dream you had. The stranger thing is that everything actually happened just the way you described them. Well, I can't speak for what you were feeling before I opened the door on you, but you certainly appeared happy enough until I suggested we go see your parents. And, no, we didn't leave the room that day."
I looked up at that. "That day?"
"Why yes dear boy. That was only the first of many. Well, the first I was aware of. Though, to be honest, I suspected at the time that you'd tried that dress on a time or two before at least. I remember, like it was yesterday, when I did that quick hem. The bottom of the dress was a bit dirty from walking if I were to guess." I sat there stunned. Not only was the dream true, it wasn't an isolated event.
"Aunt Rachel, was Bill the sister you occasionally alluded to over the years?"
"Yes Rebecca. I had wondered what had happened to the happy child Les had been. As Bill, he became a much more serious boy. So, I said that as a hint, to see if he would ask or talk to me about it. I'd about given up on you young man. Having a dream prompt the trip is not what I expected. Why didn't you come sooner, and why did you change?"
"I don't know on the latter Aunt Rachel. And as far as the first, I had no idea what you were talking about when you mentioned a sister. There are no pictures of a sister in my mom's photo albums. I'm afraid I put it off as a slip of the tongue by an older person."
"I'll have you know..." She started. "Wait, you said you had no idea? How could that be? We were playing those games for a few years." I don't know about Becky, but my head popped up at that.
"Years? When did that dream happen?"
"Let's see, it must have been the summer of '64. Yes, that's it, because it was the summer after Kennedy was assassinated."
"That would have been before First Grade. Was this only in the summer's Aunt Rachel?
"Goodness no. After that first summer, it seemed every holiday we were both at my brother's house you wanted to play. It became a game to see what we could do. Now, I want you to know one thing. If it had gone on another year, I would have had to tell your parents. I almost did several times over the years. But, you begged me not to, and I couldn't see the harm for a kid to see how others lived."
"Wow. I think I agree with that. Though, I think I'd like to know if my son or daughter were doing this, even with a close friend or relative." Becky interposed. "I mean, if Bill had been caught, he would have had a very embarrassing experience that might have scarred him. I don't think his parents would have been that bad there in the house. Wait, you took him out too didn't you?"
"Well, of course. In the summers, he was staying there and I was taking care of him sort of as a summer camp. A growing child needs to get out." I was getting hit with one thing after another here.
"Aunt Rachel, did I ever go out as a boy after that?"
"What, oh, yes, of course. That's why I came up with the fiction of your sister. When you went out as a boy, you were Les, and as a girl, you were Lee. You thought that was ever so much fun. We did spend most of our time around the house, and in the evenings when your grandparents were home, you were always Les. But, we went to the zoo, and shopping and lots of things."
"So nobody ever knew about this except you and me?"
"Well, not until that last summer." I heard Becky's indrawn breath, and I know I was a bit tense.
"What happened then?" Maybe this was the trauma that made me forget everything.
"That's the summer you were finally able to get your two friends to join you at your grandmother's house. It was a few months after my brother had passed away, and apparently you and your friends were so inseparable that they felt sending you somewhere together would be the best. I volunteered, because I enjoyed seeing you so much, and it gave me something to do with myself."
"So, I and two girls came and spent the summer with you? Were we okay, and how did they find out?"
"Oh, you three were perfect angels. And, as to finding out there was nothing to find out. They were clamoring to see you dressed up more even than you were to get changed. My only guess was that you'd told them. We did have a very good summer. If memory serves, you were only Les once the entire summer, except when your grandmother was home, or the times I took the three of you to the public pool. You were even Lee when we went out to the lake."
"Wait, the lake? That must be the lake we went swimming as a family every summer until Grandma died too."
"Probably. It was really nice for swimming. It had a nice floating dock with a diving board a ways out from the shore.
"That's the one. I remember my brother and me swimming all the way across a few times."
"We used to as children as well Leslie, but I didn't let the three of you go beyond the doc and board. You were just not that strong as swimmers yet. But, you were fine staying together."
"So, there weren't any problems that summer?" It was beginning to sound as if my hope for finding a traumatic even were dieing."
"No, well, unless you count saying good bye when you three had to go home and get ready for school. You were all taking about doing it again the next summer; it was like three little magpies planning. I knew then that I'd have to tell your folks if it kept up, and there was no indication that things would be any different the next summer. So, I resolved to tell them at Thanksgiving. But when Thanksgiving came, you seemed different. Grown up isn’t' the right word but distant anyway. You never came to play the game. So I figured you'd somehow out grown it. You also didn't talk about the girls at all. Since it stopped, I didn't mention it to your parents that trip. And, by Christmas you were only answering to Bill." She took a breath, and sat for a moment. "That's why every now and again over the years I've made references to your sister. To see if you'd ever explain to me what happened to her."
"Aunt Rachel, I don't know. I don't remember ANY of this stuff you're telling me." She looked saddened to hear this.
"To loose so many happy years of your life. Well, did you at least keep in touch with those two lovely ladies?" At my look, she continued. "You forgot them too didn't you Bill?" At my nod, she asked. "How much did you forget?"
"Aunt Rachel, almost all of it. My memories before fifth grade are few, and very far between. I don't recall people or places. I look at my mom's photo album, and I see things I don't know." I took a breath. This trip, is a partially in hope of jarring a few missing memories loose. I'm also seeing a therapist who may be able to help me find out what blocked off all these memories. You've at least given me a smaller window of time where this would likely have happened. Thank you for telling me all of this, I think."
She laughed at this last bit, and then we went on to discuss things of little import.
On the way home
"That was fascinating Bill!"
"I don't know if I'd use that term for it. But, and we have no reason to doubt her."
"I wish she'd taken pictures. I'd have loved to see them."
"I guess. I'm more concerned about what she said about me changing. It sounds like I was not the same person back then. How did it change so suddenly?"
"I think we're getting closer Bill. And, it sound to me like you're much the same person Aunt Rachel described. You're fun, and fun to be around. At most you spend more time analyzing things than most people. In any event, I don't see you as overly serious. I wonder what your friends Stacy & Karen will have to say about it."
"Thanks Becky. I think I need to hear that. I'm a little concerned and confused right about now."
"We'll get through this Bill. I feel we're getting closer all the time. I bet we're laughing about these memories twenty years from now! Though, we may not tell our grandkids about all of it if you don't want." I could hear the joking in her voice and it lightened the load I was feeling about then.
"Right and they'll believe their grandpa used to run around in dresses. No, don't push it now! If she says I did, I'll accept that for now."
"Bill, I think you should ask Dr. Wong about the selective memories as well."
"Selective memories?"
"You know, like forgetting all the times you and your friends must have interacted throughout school."
"Oh, yea. Maybe that's a good idea, since we're talking memories there."
Monday morning
"Thanks again for helping Ruth."
"Enough Dad. By the way, what did Aunt Rachel have to say about the dream?" I was quit at that. "Dad?"
"Umm. She confirmed everything the way I dreamed it."
"So, you didn't have a sister?"
"No. Wait, how'd you get that?"
She laughed “Well, I'm guessing you were your own sister, and that grandma and grandpa never knew. Otherwise they'd have had a picture or said something, at least once over the years."
"Kid, you're too smart for your own good sometimes."
She laughed out load at that. "Okay dad. How many times did she help you cross dress?"
"What makes you think she did?"
"Dad, if it were just the once, you'd not be beating around the bush so much. Come on, come clean."
I sighed. "Okay. About four years."
"WHAT? Are you saying this went on for that long and nobody knew?"
"Ummm"
"DAD. Someone knew didn't they?"
"Uhuh."
"Come on dad. This playing interrogator is getting old. I actually need to know, in case it comes up in one of these sessions. I don't need to be interrupting something real, because I don't believe it. Nor do I need to be shocked and maybe react."
She had a point there. "Okay, Apparently I spent summers with Aunt Rachel at my grandparent’s house, rather than going to summer school. The summer before fourth grade was the last of those, and two friends stayed as well. I was apparently dressing all of those summers when it was just me and Aunt Rachel. Aunt Rachel said that my two friends already knew about it and were part of the dressing that last summer. That was the end of it though. She said by Thanksgiving I apparently gave it up and never mentioned it again. Well, until yesterday. And the hints about a sister were her way to ask if I wanted to talk about it."
"Wow dad. That's amazing. It probably tells us that your dressing had nothing to do with the memory loss. And, I'm hypothesizing that the event occurred some time before Thanksgiving. I bet you stopped ‘cause you didn't remember it!"
"Enough speculating young lady! We're here now."
After we got up there, Dr. Wong was waiting. "Hello Mr. Wyman, Miss Wyman is there anything we need to discuss before heading back?"
"Actually, I guess so." She looked at me, I guess seeing something there.
"Well, why don't we use the sitting room? Should you daughter be involved in this as well?"
"Probably she should. She knows most of it and can prompt me if I'm leaving something out." I went through my dream, and confirmation of the dream. I mentioned the time frame window as well. At Ruth's prompting, I also mentioned the bits of selective missing memory. Dr. Wong looked surprised and concerned about that piece.
"Mr. Wyman, that's actually disturbing. It's part of a pattern that I hope we can break. It'll take a number of sessions to find it anyway. Perhaps something will come up that we can use to disprove us of that."
"What Dr. Wong?"
"I'm sorry. I'd prefer to not tell you right now, as it might be self fulfilling. No, that's not a good term. It's more that it's very unlikely and I'd rather look to find something more likely to meet what we know. And while I'll check the literature, we may also be able to find the answers tucked away in the corners of your brain."
"Oh okay. What do we do today?"
"Excuse me; mom suggested trying to find out about the event behind your teacher's 3rd grade picture dad."
"Fine by me." I pulled out my notebook where I had a print of the picture. "Dr. Wong, this is what she's referring to. I met my third grade teacher last Thursday. She recalled me, and showed me this picture she'd drawn of me and two friends."
"Well, it's an interesting target. Are you able to confirm what we learn from this?"
"Maybe, Becky's looking for them, and if we find something today and they're willing to talk after we find them, we may be able to confirm it with them."
"Okay then. Anything before we go?" When neither of us said anything, we headed to THE ROOM, as I was beginning to think of it. We all took our usual positions and I relaxed. "You're walking through the woods toward your peaceful glade."
"That's putting it mildly. Uh oh."
"What dad? That doesn't sound good over there."
"What do I tell your mom? She'll flip."
In the last episode, Bill was about to go under for another memory search based on a picture his 3rd grade teacher had drawn.
"Where are you?"
"I'm at our play table."
"And who're you with?"
"My friends Karen and Stacy"
"What are you doing?"
"We're talking about Karen's party."
"Tell us what was said."
It started with Stacy saying: "You've got to invite more kids to the party Karen?"
"Yea Stacy. Mom says it can't be just the three of us this year. She wants me to have a bigger party."
"Who're you going to invite" I asked.
"I dunno Leslie. I don't want those pigs." Karen said pointing at the dorks over in the corner.
"How many do you have to invite Karen?" Said Stacy, always the one to keep us on track.
"Besides us? I need 10 more, or mom'll be mad."
"Wow, 13 kids. That's a lucky number!"
I thought a minute and then said "Karen, how about you invite the ten other girls then there'll be 13 of us there." We all liked this idea and Karen agreed. It was going to be a fun party!
"Oh, there's Dr. Pfister. Time for more fun!"
"Good Afternoon Miss King. Time for the trio to come with me." We jumped up, and followed him out the door. Our lessons with him were always fun.
"Well children, today we'll see if we can find our pretend fortress again."
"Oooo. It's neat it's so tall." Said Karen.
"Yes, and you're each in your rooms and it's safe."
I was reeling a bit suddenly. "Ahhh” I groaned.
"Dad, are you okay?"
"Mr. Wyman?"
"Uhhhh. What happened?"
"Mr. Wyman, What do you remember?"
I started describing the classroom scene, and got to the counselor I froze. "Oh my goodness... It's him isn't it?"
"What do you mean Mr. Wyman? He's the one."
"He's, he's the guy that. I don't remember. But I did for a minute. Argh. Why can't I remember?"
"I'm sure we'll find out Mr. Wyman."
"Why did you pull me out? I'm sure we would have found something."
"Mr. Wyamn, from what you were describing, your teacher was talking you and your friends into the tower we've been running into when trying to get you to your safe spot. I suspect the work we did to make sure you got to the safe spot you specified also caused this reaction." She paused a minute before continuing. "So to answer your question, I believe you automatically went to your forest glade and fell out of the trance due to your subconscious being surprised at the suddenness of the transition."
I just shook my head a bit at that. "So that really happened?"
"Based on your reaction, it may well have. Is there any way you can confirm the first bit of the session?"
"I don't know. Right this minute no, because I don't know the other two any more. I don't really remember them, except the bit there you helped me remember, and what others have told me like my teacher. However, Becky's looking for them for me. So maybe if we find them we can see if they remember the party planning."
"Dad, what about those other memory issues we talked about before the session?"
"Oh yea. Dr. Wong, does that stuff fit in with what happened today?"
"Before I answer, can you perhaps go into more detail? Perhaps an example?"
"It seems to be centered on a few subjects, but as I focus on them, I don't forget again. An example. Hmmm. Well, we've only been able to come up with some topics, but Yes, that should be good. According to my yearbook those two friends, in the class with me, well the three of us were 1-2-3 graduating from High School together. I remember the graduation ceremony and giving my Salutatory address, but I don't remember them there. I also don't recall them being in classes with me, and they must have been."
"I'm afraid that ties in with what rest in what I was hoping was not what happened with you." That sounded really ominous. "It still doesn't make sense, but I'll tell you anyway. I'll also look for an alternate explanation. I just can't see doing that to a kid." She visibly shook herself at that. "Sorry, the idea bothers me. In any event, here's what accounts for what you've described, and what we've seen. First, you experience some form of trance working as an elementary school child, probably with your two friends. Second at some point you were probably conditioned to not recall what went on in the class or talk about it to others. Third, at some point, you apparently were conditioned to forget about the class with a conditioning that caused you to either avoid interaction with those in the class or to not recall the interaction after it was done. I can't imagine the first bit, but if it was done, the latter bits almost make sense."
I sat there stunned, while Ruth seemed more on the ball. "Dr. Wong, how doable is that? I thought conditioning took a lot of time, and physical stuff like sensory deprivation and the like."
"Miss Wyman, normally I'd agree with you, and for most adults that would be the case. I don't want to think that's what happened to your father either. But it's the only thing I can think of that covers all the data points that we currently have. As I said, I'll do a bit of research into this and see if I can find another answer, or how it might have been done. That still doesn't answer the why." She turned to me and continued. "Mr. Wyman, if you can contact those other two students and see what they can remember, it might be very helpful."
I shook myself and responded. "Um.. Yea. Okay doc, we'll see what we can do."
"Oh, Dr. Wyman, before we go, I was wondering if you had time to look at my outline and references for my class paper.
"I believe so, unless you dad has something else." She looked at me.
"Go ahead. I think I want to sit here and think about this for a bit."
"Okay, we'll just be over here so we don't disturb you." She indicated the other side of the reception area so I'd have a bit of space. This was a bit hard to take in. Could someone really have mucked with my brain? Who was I? Was I a person or just something put together? This was not what I wanted when I started looking for my missing years. Perhaps I'd have been better off never finding any of this. I sat there for a while with my mind running around in circles. I didn't even notice Ruth & Dr. Wong walk back up.
"Dad?"
"Wha. Oh Ruth. Are you done?"
"Dad, we've been standing here for almost two minutes. Are you okay?"
"I don't know Ruth. Who am I?"
"Dad? You're my dad of course."
"Ms. Wyman, what I think he is saying is this hypothesis of mine makes him think that he should have been someone else, and I suspect he's worried he may turn into someone else. Is that right Mr. Wyman?"
"Something like that I guess. If someone mucked around with me back then, I guess I'm wondering if I'm anyone, or just something made up."
"Mr. Wyman I want to first assure you that you ARE a person. What, if anything, was done back then in all likelihood reinforced most of what was already there. As to the blanking of memories, IF, and I stress the IF, they do all return, they will be just that, memories. They will not change who you are. You have what, forty years of life experience since the missed memories?" At my nod, she continued. "So you've established your personality. Adding the memories back in should not significantly change who you are. As you assimilate them, it's possible you might change how you look at some things."
"But, I might not be the person I was supposed to be."
"You are who you are. It's possible that IF something were done back then, it had an effect on your development, but we can't know that yet. And, if it did, you have developed. There's really no way for us to be able to really tell how you would have ended up based on that starting point. We can at most make guesses today."
"So, I won't suddenly find myself someone else?"
"No. If the memories end up being strong with a lot of emotion behind them, it may be more effort to assimilate them. And the effort could cause you to gradually change a little but I'd be surprised of the central bit that makes you, you would move."
"That sounds better."
"If you're still having issues dealing with the possibility, you should talk through it with someone. Either your family or Dr. Flynn, or both."
"Thanks Doctor. This is reassuring. I had pictures of Dr. Jeckle/Mr. Hyde going through my mind." She laughed at that. "This sounds like it won't be like that, but the idea still bothers me."
"It should Mr. Wyman. I'm going to do some digging, to see if I can find anything about that teacher of yours. I've got the two references your daughter found as starting points."
"Ruth, would you mind driving? I'm still a bit shaky from that session."
"Okay dad. That was some session. It started strange, and really got there."
"That's putting it mildly. Uh oh."
"What dad? That doesn't sound good over there."
"What do I tell your mom? She'll flip."
"Well, she may at that dad, but she'd gotta know. You've always told me to keep to the truth. And leaving stuff out, that's just asking for trouble."
"I know kid. I taught you well. I think I'll just give her the bare bones this evening, and say I'll tell her more on Friday. That'll at least give me time to better understand what happened, I hope."
"You'll be OK dad!
# - # - # - # - #
That evening
"Well Bill, how'd it go this morning?"
"It was strange Becky."
She looked at me "How so Bill? I mean, stranger than some of the stuff we've already found. I find that a little hard to believe."
I guess she was referring to Aunt Rachel's revelations, and I can see that I guess. "Well maybe. We started with the picture from Ms. King. The one with me and two girls talking in third grade." She nodded, remembering the picture. Well, it seems we were discussing who to invite to one of the girl's birthday party."
"Nothing really unusual about that is there."
"It's not too bad, but what happened next was the strange part."
"Really?"
"Yea, the teacher for our special class came, and got us, and we went and started the class. And get this, it seems like he's the one that set up the stone tower! Well, assuming its real memories and not something my minds made up."
"Hmmm. Okay, where's the other shoe Bill?"
"Okay, you know me too well. Ruth brought up the selective memory gaps about the class and the two friends. When she did, Dr. Wong provided a hypothesis that explained it, but she said it's not likely and would look for some other, more reasonable explanation."
"Bill. Spill it! Quit beating around the bush." I heard the exasperation in her tone.
"Sorry, She said one explanation that fits the observed data is that the teacher did some sort of mind conditioning on me in the class." Becky inhaled at that, but I went on. "She'd like to talk to the two girls as well to see if possible, to confirm what I seem to remember."
"Bill, I feel you're leaving a bit out, but what you've told me, that's amazing. What happens when you get your memories back?"
"She said I'll still be the same person. But that bothers me a little. I'm scared of what remembering those summers will mean."
"Bill, we'll face it together. I believe you'll still be the man I married. Maybe even better!" She said with a smile. "You can tell me the rest of it on Friday. Bug me before if you need to talk."
"Thanks Becky, you can't imagine how much that means to me!"
"Oh Bill, I love you. Of course I'll be there. Just like you were there for me with the miscarriages. We'll work through this just like we did that."
With that, we hugged for a while and eventually got to sleep.
"Dad, just wanted to let you know I got a call today from some organization. They were asking about my interest in Dr. Pfister's papers."
"You're kidding aren't you?"
Well, that was a productive morning. Let's see, an hour and a half until Ginny makes her presence known. I can get a quick lunch and read some of that material I got last week. I think those memos by the teacher would be a good idea. The intro certainly was.
|
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Hmmm. That does seem to confirm that I'd continue to have had classes with them. And, this teacher doesn't sound like the evil man I'd have expected from what seems to have been done. Maybe someone else did that conditioning. I wonder, do the report cards indicate the enrichment classes. Hmmm. Yes! Well, I was in those classes in fourth grade, and again in fifth. That's a good indicator that the doctor's recommendations were followed. There's something else about that note. YES. The baseball note. I wasn't thinking about it at the time, but I remember that I was really lousy in third and fourth grade, but apparently started to do much better in fifth grade. Hmmm. How come I remember enjoying it and playing hard in fifth and sixth grade, but had no interest in continuing by the time I got to seventh grade. And, while I played catch with Craig as a kid I never got into following sports like a lot of the other dads. Maybe I should talk about that with Dr. Flynn on Friday.
That evening
"Bill, I've not had much success on my own in finding those two ladies, so I hired a PI that Nick recommended. He said she's really good and very discrete."
"You think that's necessary Becky? So far, we've done pretty well."
"Bill, based on what you said last night, I think speed is a bit more important than I'd previously thought. And, we agreed that I'd take care of this." At my nod, she continued. "She thought she would have something for us by the end of the week, if they were still in the area."
"Wow, that fast?"
"Well, she does do this kind of thing for a living Bill."
"Right. Well if Nick says she's good, she must be. He's hard to impress."
"I know. That's why I gave him a call. And, before you ask, he didn't ask why we needed a PI. With someone else, he might have wondered about sleeping around or some such." I sputtered at that.
"Becky. You didn't imply something like that did you?"
She laughed, and continued. "Of course not. I said we needed someone to do some checking on something within the family that we didn't want spread around and didn't really have time to do right ourselves. But, you should have seen your face there."
"Come here you clown!"
Wednesday Evening
"Dad?" I glanced over at my laptop at the alert. It was Ruth. Wonder what she wanted at this hour.
"Ruth. What's up?"
"Dad, just wanted to let you know I got a call today from some organization. They were asking about my interest in Dr. Pfister's papers."
"You're kidding aren't you?"
"No dad. I think I satisfied them when I described my class and paper, but I thought you should know."
"Thanks kiddo. You'd best back off a bit. We don't want you getting in trouble."
"Oh, no problem dad. I'm only looking at unclassified documents. They can't do anything."
"Well, tell your professor about their call. I'm sure he'll be interested in hearing that someone's questioning one of his student's research."
"Oh, good idea dad. I'll also send an e-mail to Dr. Wong."
"You have her address?"
"Yes dad, she gave it to me yesterday while you were spaced. I might be able to do my honors research with her. She has an Adjunct position at one of the other schools in the system. That's one of the reasons she wasn't available to do your sessions some of the time, and why her private practice isn't that big."
"Oh, I thought it was just 'cause she was new to the area."
"LOL Dad. Don't worry. I just wanted you to know about the outside interest in that teacher of yours. Anything else going on?"
"Well, I read some more reports he'd provided at the class closure. It sure doesn't sound like he's an evil man from them."
"Not in the two papers I read either dad, but those were all formal and such. I've been looking to see if I can find anything else he may have published, but nothing seems to be available. That's something else I talked to Dr. Wong about."
"Okay Ruth, just be careful!"
"NP dad. Talk to you later."
Thursday evening
"Bill, Jane Dickenson gave me a call today. She's already found them."
"Who?"
"Jane Dickenson, she's the PI Bill." At my nod, she continued. "She said she was mailing me their contact info, and will try to pick up some additional background on both of them for us as well."
"You mean she'll just find two people based on us asking her too?"
"Not exactly. For her to do what we needed, I had to give her some background." At my apparently worried look, she continued. "Bill. She's a professional. Before she was willing to look for these two ladies, she needed to know a bit about them, and why we might need to find them. Since we were recommended by Nick, I don't think she was just protecting herself. She said background would help her identify the right two individuals and not someone else with the same name, which makes sense to me."
"Okay Becky, you're running with this one. What's next, now that she's found them?"
"I was going to try to call once the letter gets here, and see if I could meet with her." I heaved a sigh with that. "I don't know that you meeting either of them, at this point would be very productive Bill. You don't even remember them, except for some maybe memories of when you were in third grade!"
"Thanks Becky. I guess I'm just a bit stressed over all of this. But, then I've said that before too."
"I know you're stressed Bill. I'm here to talk to any time, and you'll be seeing Dr. Flynn tomorrow afternoon won't you?"
"That's right. Quite a bit to update her on, don't you think?"
"Well, you tell her what you need to Bill. She's there to give you another resource for dealing with whatever happens with this."
"Thanks Becky. You're right."
Friday afternoon
"Well Doctor, a lot's happened this week, and a few of them were a bit disturbing."
"Shall we start with the first then Mr. Wyman?
"Okay. Let's see. First, last Sunday Becky and I visited with my Great Aunt Rachel, like I said we'd do."
"Was she able to confirm your dream Mr. Wyman?"
"I'm afraid she did more than that Dr. Flynn."
"More?"
"Ummm. Yea. Apparently that wasn't an isolated event."
"Really? In that event, did she end up taking you out to see your parents?"
"No, she said she was joking with me."
"How about the other times you were dressed? Did anyone see you?"
"Ummm apparently yes. We went out in public and such. That's where the 'sister' came from."
"So, did anyone you know find out? Your parents? Grand parents? Friends?"
"Ummm. Yes, or so she said."
"Really? Do you want to talk about this Mr. Wyman?"
"I do, it's just a bit embarrassing to me. Specially in light of the reading material you gave me."
"Is that so? Why don't you just tell me what you want to about this?"
I then went on to describe my dressing for several years, and the last summer with the two friends from the picture I'd shown her the previous week. I also explained how Aunt Rachel had said she was about to tell my parents, but I seemed to suddenly quit the by the next summer, so she never did.
"That's fascinating Mr. Wyman. What is it about it that bothers you?"
"Does all that dressing mean I'm trans gendered?"
"Well, if you'd come here looking to discover that, and had continued to do so, or at least have desires in that direction, I'd have guessed that maybe you were. Today. Well, we've not delved into that time, or your more recent history enough to make a judgment. However, you can probably make that assessment yourself. Even if you'd been brought to me that last summer, we wouldn't know based on what you've told me. It's possible you dressed because you liked the clothing, and identified with your mother, or you might have thought you were a girl, or any number of other possibilities. Does that help?"
"Thanks, I think."
"So, something else is also bothering you it seems."
"Yes. Monday I may have recovered a memory with Dr. Wong."
"Would you like to describe it?"
I went on to tell her about the session, including the bit where I recalled seeming to call myself one of the girls. I also described how the session had ended with the beginning of the session with the person I seemed to think was the person that taught my enrichment class, and how that combined with the bits of selective memory loss around my two classmates going on into the future had lead Dr. Wong to hypothesize that I might have been tampered with, but that this didn't make any sense to her.
"I can see how that might have been disturbing at the time. How do you feel about it now Mr. Wyman?"
"I'm not sure about referring to myself as a girl. That could just have been my memory playing tricks. What's disturbed me is the possibility someone may have mucked with my mind and made me into someone I wasn't."
"Well, if you expressed this concern to Dr. Wong, I'm sure she assured you that you have a large body of experiences and you're a whole person today. You might have some missing memories, but they make up a small part of your life now, and recovery of them would not be likely to have a great impact on who you are today. Whether the memory loss was caused by someone, or some accident, shouldn't make a great difference on how you integrate those memories as you recover them. If they were not accidentally lost, it may be more difficult to recover them, but they shouldn't change who you are today."
"That's about what Dr. Wong said, but I'm following your description better. I don't know if you're just wording it better, or I was so out of it on Monday that my mind wasn't working at full strength."
"Thank you. Is that all? Or have you been living in interesting times again?"
"That's probably the two big things. There have been a few less important things. Like I read some more memos the special class wrote toward its end. In them, he seemed very sympathetic toward us. Not at all like I'd expect from someone that was manipulating the brains of children, or anyone else for that matter. And, that doesn't really mesh with the description of the man that my third grade teacher gave. I just find that curious."
"Okay then, if those issues aren't bothering you, I want to remind you that we're normally closed next Friday, since it's the day after Thanksgiving. But, if you need me, you have my emergency number."
"Thanks Dr. Flynn. I appreciate that. It's really helped me talking through all of this."
That evening
"Well Bill, how'd it go this afternoon? Were you able to work through things with Dr. Flynn?"
"Actually Becky, it was more help than I expected. I had two big shocks this week that really shook me to the core."
She gave me a big hug then. "I know Bill, Aunt Rachel's story shook me a little, until I remembered I've known you for over half your life, and even if that was true, it was only a few years. You're still the man I married!"
"And, both Dr. Flynn and Dr. Wong both assured me again that even if I recover my memories, they'll be just that memories and should affect me no more than any other memory. Some will probably be good and some not so good."
"That's good to hear Bill. And, if they disturb you, we'll work through them."
"Thanks Becky. There was some more disturbing stuff on Monday, besides Dr. Wong's Hypothesis. That memory?"
"Yes Bill, where you talked about the birthday part."
"That's it Becky, what I didn't tell you that night, was that if what we got was a real memory, I identified myself as a girl in the scene."
"Bill, that's not all that surprising taken with what Aunt Rachel said. But, I still don't think it changes who you are." She reassured me. "If something was really done, that changed you some how, I doubt it was too large a change. You're too complete a person for me to believe you're some sorta brain washed robot or something. There are some issues, and we're working through them. You're very concern is reassuring to me!" We sat there hugging for a while after that. Was I a wimp to be so worried? What did I disserve to have such a wonderful wife? "Anything else this week Bill?"
"Apparently someone contacted Ruth about her looking into that teacher's publications for her course paper."
"WHAT?"
"She IM'd me the other night. She said it wasn't serious or anything. Just surprised that some organization was watching access to his work."
"I hope she has talked to her professor about that!"
"I told her too. Maybe when the two of you chat tomorrow you can make sure she does."
"Oh, I will. Be sure of that! Oh, and I've got you covered for Monday with Dr. Wong."
"That's good, on both counts Becky! Oh, did the contact info come in on Karen and Stacy?"
"No not yet. I'll let you know.
"You ready to climb up and hook the ladder." I whispered to Karen.
She nodded, and stepped into my hands as I lifted her to waist level. Two quick taps on her leg then a quick hop had her standing on my shoulders. Two more taps, and I stood back up. She squeezed her toes to my chin so I knew she could reach the sill. I stood very still, bracing my hands against the brick wall.
"Hello Mrs. Wyman, Mr. Wyman. I hope you had a good week."
"Dr. Wong good isn't the best description, based on what happened last week, but I think I'm coming to terms with it."
"We'll work through it Bill. And, once we get the contact info on your two classmates, maybe we can confirm some of the things from the last week." At my nod, she continued. "Dr. Wong, if Bill has been conditioned, I think is the term, to not think about some things, is there a way to remove or break the conditioning? And, if so what's the impact?"
"I was going to bring that up today, because so far, I've not been able to find an alternative rationale that covers all of the issues. Depending on how the conditioning was accomplished, it is breakable, either easily or with some effort. The question becomes how the conditioning was accomplished. The most common form of conditioning I'm aware of includes physical as well as mental coercion, like what was done to some prisoners of war, and I don't believe that approach was used in this case. This may actually make things easier. Other approaches include the introduction of drugs to weaken the will and hypnosis to provide direction in the desired manner. Again, this is not something easy to accomplish without the victim's awareness. I'm not aware of any other conditioning mechanisms that have long term, potentially life altering effects. Simple effects by comparison include Smoking cessation and appetite suppression."
"Those are SIMPLE? It took my mom decades to finally stop smoking! And two of her uncles had died of Lung Cancer."
"Yes Mrs. Wyman. Though, some times some of the same techniques are used to assist there that I described above. For example, a combination of drugs to curb the craving and hypnotic suggestion to avoid the smoking is a very effective approach for most people. But back to what you were probably asking, can we break the conditioning on your husband?"
"Yes, that plus help him recover the memories."
"Well, to the first part. Maybe. If we can identify the trigger point of the conditioning, we may be able to release the trigger. This could either release them all at once, or have very little effect since they have been in effect so long. A common misconception about conditioning is that if you take them away, the mind reverts to its original path. That MAY be the case if it's accomplished early enough. But, if the behavior and thought pattern is ingrained well by the conditioning it is reinforced periodically over a long period of time, it becomes part of the way a person is. It's like a habit. They can be good or bad, but they're part of you. Conditioning CAN be self imposed. It's how you teach yourself habits. You may have noticed, but it is easier to put a new habit in place of an old one than to just break the old one. Sorry to have drifted a little there. Back to you Mr. Wyman. As I said, we may be able eventually to remove the trigger for your conditioning if we can find it. Similarly the lost memories may still be there, and assuming what we've found is real, they probably are. Assuming this is the case, if we can identify how, where and maybe why, we may be able to work around the block and possibly remove it."
"So, can we return your husband to the person he would have grown to be without anything done to him? No. I have no idea what that would have been. I really believe it wouldn’t have been much different than he is today." She turned to me. "Think about it this way Mr. Wyman. You've forgotten things before haven't you?" At my nod, "You didn't change who you were when you forgot?" I nodded again. "Well, when you remembered it again, did you change who you were?"
"No. And, as far as I know, these memories you've helped me recover, while disturbing haven't made me a different person."
"Exactly. Now, a large BLOCK of memories and the feelings they bring with them may have more impact, but the core that is you will still be you. Let me think of a more dramatic example." She was quiet a minute. "Okay. Consider a transgendered individual that has lived 30 years without admitting to him or herself that they have issues." She looked at both of us at that, I guess to make sure we were following her and she didn't have to back up to explain things. "Assume now that this person goes all the way and transitions successfully. He or She is still the same person they were before. They do present a new face to the world, but the inner bit that is the person, their memories, their beliefs, all of that has not changed. Does that help?"
"Ummm. I think I understand. But, the more I hear, the more I feel like I'm either only part of a man, or a made up one."
"Never that Mr. Wyman. You are a complete person! You may have had, and I still emphasize MAY, something done to you as a child but you have grown beyond that." She looked at both of us before continuing. "I know this is hard to deal with! That it might even have happened disturbs me no end. As I see it, we've four ways to go forward. The first is to just take today as a day to rehash the issues we've already talked about or to call it a day and you can think through them on your own and we pick up again after the long weekend. Second, we could dive in for another childhood memory, perhaps spawned by last week's or some other. Third we could try for a much more recent memory like one you believe should be there from your high school days, one of the selectively blocked memories. And finally, we could try to focus on the time where evidence seems to be indicating the manipulation, if it happened, occurred. This last one is one where we have to be careful. Since we don't have an easy way to confirm the events we may be able to recover, we won't really know how much of what we find really happened. We never got a chance to do the baseline false memory check."
I looked at Becky. "Your call Bill, but despite the questions, I think the last option is the best."
I gave a startled "Why?"
"Bill, we started all this to help you get your memories back. This has a chance of pointing to a way to get them back. Even if it’s not real, I think it's worth taking it. I mean, what's the harm?"
"That's a change! It wasn't long ago that you were against this whole process due to the chance of implanting memories."
"Yes Bill, that does still concern me, but" and here she turned and nodded at Dr. Wong and then returned to me. "Dr. Wong has shown her skill and professionalism to us. Besides, in this case, you already have one false memory."
"Oh yea. Well, here goes nothing. Let's try."
We headed back to the Room, and I relaxed into the chair. Dr. Wong came up to me, and pulled the monitor probes out.
"We need those?"
"Probably not. But, since we're going into uncharted territories and last time was a little exciting at the end, I'd rather be safe than sorry." At my nod, she hooked me up. I assume Becky got comfortable in her chair.
"You're walking through the forest..."
"Welcome back Mr. Wyman."
"Huh, whah. Did anything happen?
"Yes quite a lot as it turns out. If what you described bears any relationship to reality. You don't recall this session do you?"
"No, not at all."
"Mrs. Wyman, thank you for letting me continue in there. That he doesn't remember is actually a good indicator that this actually happened substantially as he described it. Mr. Wyman, the fact you can't recall this session and you did the previous ones would be a side effect of your conditioning to not recall the class. It's also a good indicator that maybe this all happened back then. And, it's more important than before that you contact your two classmates! I'd really like to talk to them as well now!"
"Wow. Are either of you going to tell me what I said?"
Becky and Dr. Wong looked at each other. "He's right you know Dr. Wong."
"True. Well, Mr. Wyman, here's a quick summary of what you described to us." She went on and described it. I sat there a bit dazed. It fit everything we knew but, wow. "Mr. Wyman, are you still with us?"
"Oh yes. What?"
"You said you went to a Neurologist to rule out trauma didn't you?"
"That's right."
"Would you ask him to send me a copy of the report? I'd like to see if there's something that correlates to what you may have gone through."
Becky interrupted. "Dr. Wong, I've a copy right here and I think you’ll find the answer is yes." She fished the report out and handed it to her. I was yet again relieved by how organized Becky was.
"Hmmm. Well, that does fit doesn't it?" She looked up at me. "Mr. Wyman, how would you feel about a biopsy to get a sample of that scar tissue?"
"Ummm. What do you mean?"
"They insert a thin tube, like a shot needle, and pull out a small sample of the tissue."
I shudder a bit at this, needles really aren’t my thing. Though, come to think of it, you'd think that I'd have been desensitized by my childhood, if that memory was right. "What would that tell us?"
"Perhaps nothing, but if we're lucky, it might tell us the chemical mechanism that caused the damage. This, in turn, could tell us what chemical was used on you."
"Ummm." I was still not thinking nice thoughts about a needle poking into the back of my head. "And that tells us what?"
"Well, if we can identify the chemical, it might aid us in finding a way to reverse some of the block or at least it will give us a better understanding of how things were done."
"Okay, if you can write up what it is you want, I can see about getting an appointment."
That night
We were quietly sneaking up to the building. Stacy had remained at the corner to keep watch while Karen and I went in first.
"You ready to climb up and hook the ladder." I whispered to Karen.
She nodded, and stepped into my hands as I lifted her to waist level. Two quick taps on her leg then a quick hop had her standing on my shoulders. Two more taps, and I stood back up. She squeezed her toes to my chin so I knew she could reach the sill. I stood very still, bracing my hands against the brick wall.
She carefully hooked the ladder over the sill, and then began lowering the rungs down in front of her. As I saw it pass my face, I reached up, and tapped her leg again. She slowed down her lowering then, and the ladder eventually hit the ground with a quiet knock. That should be all of it. We'd measured a number of times. I again tapped her leg once, then grabbed the ladder with that hand and held it. A quick turn of my head, just a little bit, and she moved a foot forward to the ladder. A moment later, the weight left my shoulder as she shifted her weight to the ladder. After a moment's pause she quickly climbed up and to the sill. Once there, a soft hoot called out. I knew she was letting Stacy know it was her turn. I moved to the side, and held the ladder with one hand. She was back to me as quietly as Karen and I had been, and then flew up the ladder. Now for my turn. I almost wished it hadn't been my turn to go last that was always the hardest to keep quiet. The ladder tended to swing and silence was still critical. I felt the ladder pull a bit away from the wall, and knew they'd gotten off the sill, and were bracing the top bit. I carefully moved my body closer to the ladder and ever so slowly started my climb. One hand, one foot, brace, other foot, brace, repeat. I finally got to the top, and as my shoulders got above the sill, Karen was leaning half way out with Stacy bracing her. I moved to the side, while standing still, as Karen pulled the bottom of the ladder up so it wouldn't bang as I climbed in. When she'd gotten it up, a quick tap and I advanced one rung, and she pulled in another. In this way, I got up, and she was able to keep the ladder from smacking against the wall.
Finally, we were all in the tower. Getting out had been so easy by comparison. So far, we'd not been detected. We rolled and stored the ladder, Stacy again at the door listening for sounds. When Karen and I came over, being careful to miss the squeaky boards. When we got there, she motioned us to stay back while she opened the door. Easing a dental mirror through the crack, she looked around outside. I never liked that job either. Eventually, she was satisfied, and opened the door further, then stepped out and signaled us to follow. I carefully closed the door, and we headed up the stairs. We avoided the trick steps, and once we got to the top floor, we hugged each other before going into our rooms and lying down.
"You begin to waken. You get up, and come down out of your tower” He said as we sat up on our mats. I looked over at Karen. She seemed Okay. "Today, we learned more about the value of teamwork. I'll see you again on Thursday and we'll see if we can do a little better. Let's get you back to your class so you can get your assignments and coats. It's cold outside today."
"Teacher, why can't we tell the other kids about our adventures?"
"Well Stacy. You know you never left the room right?" At her nod, he continued. “The other kids know you're not leaving the school." This time he looked at Karen and me too. I quickly nodded and I'm sure she did too. "Well, since they can't go on adventured while in the school, what do you think they'll say if you tried to tell them?" The light dawned for me, and I heard an erp from Stacy, so I guess it did for her too. "I see you understand now. Well, if there are no further questions, let's get you to class. The bell will be ringing soon.
On the way home from school, Karen asked, "do you think he knows we went off on our own today?"
"I don't think so," replied Stacy. "He seemed to think we'd been doing his booring exercise again."
I nodded, and then said "We still need to be careful. Remember how mad he was last week, when he discovered we were doing something different!"
"That's okay Lee. We've only got two more weeks of school, and then it's a whole summer at your grandparents! Won't that be grand! It'll beat going to that silly camp where we got split up like we did at the end of last summer!"
"Yea Karen," Stacy agreed. "Are you sure we'll get to see you looking nice Lee?"
"Oh yea! Aunt Rachel's really cool! You guys will love her! Hey, stack's at my house this afternoon!" With that the three of us took off at a run.
Whoa! That was some dream! Could it really have happened like that? Best get it into the trusty log. I hopped up out of the bed, and padded down to my study and tried to get as much down as I could. When I was done, I sat back and thought about it for a few minutes. I wonder where that came from. It was fascinating though. If it was just our imagination, how'd we do a shared dream? Well, best get back to sleep.
The next evening
"Bill, the letter came in today!" I must have given her a blank stare because she went on "You know the one from Jane Dickenson. The Private Investigator." The light finally dawned on me.
"Are they anywhere close?"
"Actually, they're both still here in town. I got Karen on the phone this afternoon, and said I was looking up information from your graduating class, and since she was in the top three, I wanted to ask her a few questions."
"That's shading things don't you think?"
"Maybe, but I'll tell her more when I see her tomorrow night."
"You're actually going to see her." I could see in her eyes she wasn't joking. It was actually going to happen. "Oh well, I wonder what she'll have to say. Maybe this has all been a wild goose chase."
"You don't think that any more do you Bill"
"No, not really, but it is disturbing. Oh, I got the appointment for the biopsy Wednesday morning. Dr. Johanson had cancelled a trip, so the morning was open for it. It'll be outpatient at the Hospital."
"Do you need me to take you?"
"No, his secretary said I could drive both ways. They'll be able to do it with a local most likely. If not, they won't let me leave until they're sure I'm okay."
"Right then. Let me know when you're done, okay Bill?"
"Of course."
"Hmmm? What do you mean honey?"
"Well, sometimes two or three of you go off to your office to talk. Other times, you suddenly stop talking when I come into the room. I mean, it's not like it's my birthday or anything coming up."
"No, it's not. I guess Ruth was right though."
"Becky, you off now?"
"Yes Bill, I doubt I'll be all that long there, but you never know."
"I hope something good comes from this."
"I'm sure it will Bill. I'll let you know how it goes when I get home."
"Thanks."
I checked on Ginny, and she was reading. Craig was off at Rogers I figured. On my way to my study, I stopped off at Ruth's Room. "Hey Kid. Sorry I couldn't drive down and pick you up today."
"No problem dad. The train home wasn't very full. How did things go on Monday with Dr. Wong?"
"Right to the point aren't you?"
"Of course dad. You know who I learned it from! So, what gives?"
"Well, if the memory pulled is legit, that doctor really did something to me. Your mom's off to meet one of my classmates right now."
"I wondered where she was going the night before Thanksgiving. Do you think she'll find anything?"
"Knowing your mom, yes. But, I'm not sure what."
"Okay. But back to Monday's session. Tell me about it."
"I can only tell you what your mom and Dr. Wong told me."
"What? Last time you remembered the whole thing. What was different about this time?"
"Apparently those selective memory things are a form of coercion and apparently that is still effective to some extent. Even after the session, I couldn't remember what I'd described while under."
"Wow dad, that's not good. Can she do anything about it?"
"She said that if it was done, then maybe."
Ruth laughed at that one. "She sounds so much like my Prof. some times. Not answering a question directly. So, when will you know more?"
"Well, she wants to try to confirm some of what I may remember. That's one a more important reason that your mom's going to talk to one of the girls, well women I should say. Hopefully, she'll remember something and either confirm or deny what I remembered."
"Okay, I'll keep my fingers crossed. Now what else? You've got that evasive look about you."
I looked at her. "Evasive look?"
"Yea dad, you will usually look me in the eye when we talk, tonight, you're looking almost anywhere else."
"Hmmm. I'll have to watch that."
She laughed some more. "Come clean dad. What else are you doing?"
"She wants to get a biopsy of the scar tissue in the back of my head."
Ruth frowned at that. "Why dad?"
"Well, I think she's hoping she'll be able to use the results to identify the chemical used on me."
"Dad, you did it again!" I looked up at her with a blank look on my face. "What Chemical?"
"Oh. Do you remember the Neurosurgeon's report?"
"No dad, you never showed that to me."
"Oh. Get your mom to show it to you. She's got it. As I mentioned before, there's a mass of scar tissue at the base of my brain. One of the ways it could have gotten there was application of some chemical. In my memory from Monday, we were injected with something."
"Oh my goodness, that's terrible dad."
"I seem to have survived the experience."
"Okay, but, it's still terrible."
"Agreed. I hope it didn't really happen. In any event, I need to get a little work done tonight. Are you going to be helping your mom with the meal tomorrow?"
"Yep, and Ginny will be as well. Don't worry about stuffing your tummy dad."
I snorted at that, and headed off to my study to get a little more done on the sizing project. They were being very short sited in insisting on small boxes. Well, not horribly so, but it sure increased the complexity of their system. Well, they made the decision.
Later that evening
I'd just shuffled Ginny off to bed. It was nice she wanted to snuggle a little before being willing to craw into her own bed. I looked down at my watch. Hmmm. Becky was taking longer than expected. I wonder how much longer she'll be. About this time, I heard the sound of the garage door opening.
Becky came in, and with a big yawn said. "Hi Bill that took longer than I’d thought it would. Sorry I'm so late, but there was an accident on the bridge so, and I was stuck waiting for them to clear things."
"Glad you're home dear. I was beginning to get worried." After giving her a big hug, "You're looking a bit tired."
"I'm exhausted. Now I remember why I wanted a job on this side of the river! Oh. Tonight went well Bill, Karen's really nice!"
"I'm glad to hear it. Do you feel up to telling me about it tonight?"
"If you don't mind, I'd rather wait until tomorrow."
"That's okay. You need to get your sleep."
"You're just thinking about your stomach Bill!"
"You know me too well." I said chuckling.
The next afternoon
"Well, Craig's ensconced in front of the Tube until the games are over."
"It's kinda nice that he tolerates Ginny watching with him."
"Oh, I don't know if he really realizes anyone's in there. He's so focused on the games."
I laughed at this last. "You need to take a nap, or do you feel up to telling me about what went on yesterday evening?"
"Okay Bill, I can see that curiosity is getting to you. Let's go get this over with." We went back to my office and sat in a couple of the chairs. "Bill, Karen doesn't remember you either." At my shocked look, she continued. "At first, she didn't want to believe me. I had to show her your yearbook. At that, she ran, well walked quickly anyway, and found hers which was the same. She expressed her surprise at not remembering you, saying if the two of you were one and two in the class; you must have been in the same classes. She was really surprised to not remember any of that, despite having other memories of High School."
I finally got my breath. "Did she recall the enrichment class?"
"No. In fact, she was sure there hadn't been any such class, but since the other info I'd shared had been true, she called her mom and asked. Bill, I've only seen one other person look so shocked in my life." At my questioning look she continued. "You Bill."
"Oh." I sat a moment. "Then, I guess you didn't ask about any of the other stuff did you?"
"No Bill, I didn't see much point."
"Ummm. That makes sense. What did her husband make out of all of this?"
"She's not married Bill." I looked back up at this. "No ring either. I'm guessing she was never married. But, I didn't feel right asking."
"I wouldn't have either Becky. So, what's next?"
"With Karen? I don't know. I'll try to get in touch with Stacy Monday, and see if I can talk to her. She'd also like to meet you, and I thought I'd set something up so you can get together and compare lack of notes." I looked very nervous at this apparently. "Don't worry Bill. People like you. She'll be fine! She's a very nice lady!"
"Okay. Thanks Ruth, you're one in a million."
"I know." At my quick look, she continued. "Gotcha. Now quit brooding."
"I'm not...." and she interrupted.
"No, you're not, but you might have started."
Friday afternoon
"Hi Ruth. How's the studying coming along?"
:"Okay dad. I'm working on my paper right now. Almost got it done."
"That's good. Are you still considering doing research this summer and next year for an honors degree?"
"You bet. By the way, I found some interesting papers, when cross referencing to the guy that taught your enrichment class."
"Really?"
"Yea. I was looking at the papers he referenced, and what else those authors had published. Not a whole lot of useful stuff, but one of them had a reference to some other papers your teacher had published that weren't showing up in the literature." I must have looked a little quizzical. "Dad, when you publish in a journal, you list your references, right?"
"Yes."
"Well, I was looking at some other people's stuff that had he had referenced. And one of them had referenced some papers your teacher had published." At my nod that I was following her this time, she continued. The kicker is the papers, that were referenced, were not available!"
"That's strange isn't it?"
"Well, yes, but usually it's caused by a paper being classified."
"Okay. So, just missing papers is interesting?"
"Maybe a little bit, but I asked my Prof about them, and he recognized the guy that wrote the paper that referenced them. So, to make a long story short, he gave his buddy a call, and asked about the paper and references. Believe it or not, this guy must have a massive file system or something. He actually still had copies of the papers he'd referenced, so he was able to fax them to my Prof."
"And?"
"Oh, I've got them here. They describe an experiment to develop efficient and highly motivated teams that knew each other so well, they KNEW where their teammates were. Now get this, the study used kids in 2nd through 9th grades. The study protocol was that they identified underachieving children that were at genius or near genius intelligence. Once identified, they'd look to see if they had close friends already. If they found one of these kids with friends, they would be recruited into the study. The study encouraged the kids to become closer friends while teaching study habits and generally encourage the kids to maximize their performance. The first paper said there were 18 such groups of kids. Most were pairs. There were two groups of three, and two of four. The result, after the first year, was that all of the children recruited were doing MUCH better academically, so the decision was made to continue the experiment."
"Sounds interesting. I don't see anything about that that would make it something to be classified."
"I think it's the stack of papers, not just the first one. Though experimenting on children, even with their parent's permission can sometimes be an issue. The thing that's missing is a detailed description of the techniques they used. Leaving that out would have gotten the paper rejected today. In any event, the second paper has an interesting twist. They list adding 6 more groups of kids, 5 pairs and one group of four. But get this; the total number of groups is only 23. The implication to me is that they dropped one group and they don't explain why. They also report continued improvements in the academic and extra curricular achievements of the kids. One observation they made, that they wanted to continue to watch is that it seems even numbers seems to be more effective than odd."
"Okay. Even if my group was the odd group that was dropped from the study, which doesn't make sense to begin with. That doesn't say anything."
"No dad, but here's the clincher for me. There's a final wrap-up article that includes the conclusion that pairs of students are by far the most effective using the techniques they tried. The groups of four actually ended up being two pairs rather than a single group of four. The triads they tried all failed to complete the course at some point or another. They did say that even the triads gained academically and became more aggressive at achieving their best. But they were unable to absorb all of the training.
"Yes, this is all fascinating, but what makes you so sure that I was one of the failed triads?"
"It's at the same time as you were in elementary school dad, and he was your enrichment teacher!"
"Okay, okay. So it could have been. Do you have copies of those papers? You know you're mom's going to want to add them to her 'case' file."
"Dad? File I get, but 'case' file?"
"Yea, the case of the missing memories. Surely you've read it?"
She laughed at that one. "Okay dad. And yes, I've got copies for mom."
I stood there a moment, and then light dawned. "You’re doing something about educating kids, for your research, aren't you?"
"Sort of dad. If there's a way that we can help really bright kids that are doing way below their potential, I think it'd be great! I mean you and mom wouldn't let any of us sit on our duffs, but I had some friends that were plenty smart, but cause they didn't want to work or weren't encouraged, either ended up not going to college, or in a worse college than they deserved. It's a loss to them, and a loss to everyone."
"Hold on. You don't have to climb on your soap box there. Besides, I recognized a few of those phrases anyway." I think she realized she'd stolen a few from me at that. "Just keep on the good side. If something really did happen to me, I don't want you using the techniques those guys used!"
"No worries dad! In reading this about teams working, and talking to Steve about the Team Programming concept got me thinking that maybe pairing kids up to learn might be a good idea. I've got to flesh things out some, but what I figured was two kids do all their work together. One with the pencil or keyboard and the other looking over his/her shoulder correcting things and such. They'd periodically trade places. This way one couldn't really carry the other. There are still some details to work out, like gym and such. But the idea is to keep the two kids together as much as possible. For the study to work, we'd also have a group of kids that don't study this way and a third group that does - but the pairs keep getting shuffled. Dr. Wong thought the concept had promise and so did my childhood development Prof."
"Okay kiddo. Just make sure you keep the kids interests first!"
"No kidding dad. But, in many ways this is no more unusual than some of the other things they've tried in school over the years. I remember you complaining about 'New Math'."
"Now, about that Steve you mentioned."
"Daaad. He's just a friend." I looked at her seriously. "You don't have to go all protective dad. He's a nice guy, but that's all."
"All right."
Saturday afternoon
"Dad"
"What's up Punkin?"
"What are you and mom and Ruth always so sneaky about?"
"Hmmm? What do you mean honey?"
"Well, sometimes two or three of you go off to your office to talk. Other times, you suddenly stop talking when I come into the room. I mean, it's not like it's my birthday or anything coming up."
"No, it's not. I guess Ruth was right though."
"Huh"
"She said you were seeing more than we thought."
"Daaad."
"Come here kid, and I'll tell you some of it." She joined me on the sofa, like we used to when we read together. "Well, it's this way. You remember last Christmas at my folk’s house where I was telling the story about how I couldn't remember a lot of stuff from when I was about 10 and before?" At her nod, I continued. Well, I decided to finally try and get those memories back. It's a bit difficult."
"Whacha mean dad?"
"Well, I've got the pictures my mom took. And I went and got my report cards and such from the school. And I'm even going to try and meet up with some class mates from back then."
"But if you don't remember them?" she started.
"That's the problem. So I'm seeing a head doctor to see if something caused it. In fact, they found a bit of a scar in the back of my head and they're going to look at it Wednesday morning."
"Wow, you mean if you hurt your head, you can loose memories?"
"That's right punkin. And, we're hoping that if we can figure out what caused the memory loss, we can do something about fixing it and I'll get my memories back."
"That'd be really neat. And mom's helping you find stuff about back then?"
"That's right. She's actually been tracking down some kids I used to play with back then. Maybe talking to them or seeing them will help me remember some stuff."
"But what about Ruth? She's doing something too."
"That she is, and it's not just hiding it from you!" I didn't want her too upset at her big sister. She thought the world of Ruth. "One of the doctors I'm seeing is on Monday mornings, and your mom usually would go with me, but sometimes she can't. It's like sometimes she can't make it to your programs at school."
"I know that dad. So Ruth is filling in for mom on Mondays sometimes?"
"That's all it is Punkin."
"Okay dad. I was worried it was something I'd done."
I hugged her tightly. "No Ginny. If there was something you'd done, you would have heard about it already! We don't hide stuff like that. Though, I guess we'll have to be sneakier when it comes to your birthday this year." She giggled at that.
"That's okay dad. You don't have to."
"NO"
"Why is that?"
"It was horrible!"
"I'm glad you can make it again Becky."
"I am too. I was thinking that a memory from early in your forth grade year might be useful."
"Why is that different from any others?"
"Well, remember that the teacher seemed to decide to cancel your class early in the year. Maybe one of the early classes would help identify why he chose to stop with you three."
"That's a good idea Becky. We also need to tell Dr. Wong that Karen seems to also have a memory block."
"Of course Bill. I believe that since she also has forgotten the class, that's almost as good as a confirmation that it happened. If Stacy's in the same boat then I'd say three for three makes it positive."
"But, Becky, that could mean my dressing like a girl is real too."
"Bill, we know that from your Aunt Rachel!"
"Oh yea. I guess the thought is still a bit disturbing to me."
"I suspect most people would be disturbed to suddenly discover that they had lived as the opposite sex, for most of a summer. Though, the number of people that are affected by this is actually larger than I had first though. I did some checking and the condition is not new either. Don't you worry about THAT now! Let's take one thing at a time."
"I'll try Becky. Let's start by telling her what Karen had to say."
"Okay Bill, I'll tell her."
"Hello Mr. & Mrs. Wyman. How are you doing today?"
"Okay, all things considered." At her expression, I continued. "Becky talked to one of my school buddies Wednesday evening."
"Yes Dr. Wong. I talked with Karen. While she was surprised and a bit resistant that she might have forgotten someone as close in her class as her Salutatorian, a peek at the year book convinced her. She's also forgotten the class the three were in. She assured me that there wasn't such a class. At my insistence, and showing her the pictures, she called her dad, and he confirmed it for her. She's a bit worried now. She's interested in meeting Bill, but I didn't want to arrange that until I saw the other girl, Stacy. One thing I didn't tell her about was the scar tissue Bill has."
"Speaking of which, I've got my appointment for the biopsy Wednesday morning."
"That's good. I'd really like to see those results. Have you thought about today? I see two choices. One is trying to identify the point where the block exists, and the other is a different point in time - say earlier in the same school year, but after your summer with your friends. I'd suggest the later though."
"We were thinking the later as well Dr. Wong. But, why don't you want to look for the block point?"
"Because I don't have enough information as yet to be sure we aren’t introducing problems as well. While we've not confirmed the needle event, it is suspicious and disturbing at the same time. So, why don't we try for your first class of your fourth grade year?"
At our agreement, we went into The Room. I expressed my surprise at her putting the sensors on again.
"We're playing with times and events that may relate to the block, or perhaps be associated with strong emotions. So, I just want to play things safe."
"Makes sense." She finished, and went over to her seat out of my direct line of sight.
"You're walking in the cool, comfortable forest toward your warm sun filled glade..."
"You find yourself observing your younger self and your two friends. It's the first extra class of the school year after your summer together. What do you see?"
"We're lying down on our mats."
"Describe what happens next."
"He sends us to our tower like last year, but we hadn't known the class was starting today so we hadn't made plans."
"Now, as you rest in your rooms, you hear nothing not directed at you. You'll know it's directed at you when I touch your forehead. Your name is Bill. You don't like to be called Les or Leslie any more. That's a kid’s name. You can't wait for baseball season. You might even try football next year. Sports mean so much to you. You like to have your friends on the side cheering you."
He walked on to Stacy "Stacy, you like things clean and orderly. You like to help your mom clean. School work is also important. You like sitting in the stands and cheering on your friends on the field. You find things uncomfortable when there is disorder. You like to keep records and journals. Nothing ever gets misplaced. You are happiest helping your friends."
"Karen, cheering on your friends is what you do best, whether in a supporting role in the theatre or on the sidelines for sporting events. Academic excellence is fine, as long as you don't far outshine the men in your classes. Following music and theatre sooths your inner anxieties, as does using your hands in arts and crafts. You don't mind being seen, as long as you're not the center of attention."
"Relax. You're back in the forest glade. Relax. Did that kind of instruction continue?"
"Yes. He didn't want Karen to play sports! She was good at all of the stuff. And football? Why would I want to play football?"
"What did you mean by making plans?"
"We found out last year that we could ignore some of his screwy instructions by planning something fun to do."
"You mean you avoided his instructions?"
"I guess."
"How about you tell me what you mean?"
"If we remember to plan some play before our class, we seemed to be able to have a shared dream instead of listening to his drabble."
"Did you remember this dream after the class was over?"
"Of course. It was always a lot of fun! And pulling a trick over him was so much fun."
"Who's idea was it?"
"Stacy noticed that if we had talked about something we wanted to play about after school before class, we ended up dreaming it together. She suggested we try some really fancy things and it worked! We had a bunch of fun games we did. A favorite was a takeoff of the 'It Takes a Thief' TV show. It was so much fun sneaking around and not getting caught."
"How were you caught?"
"If we weren’t finished with our dream before he was ready for us to wake up, he could somehow tell we weren't getting his message. And, he made it hurt sometimes."
"How could he do that?"
"I don't know really. But he seemed to be able to make us not want to play games for a while. And, the yucky things he told us to remember seemed to stick more."
"Would you like to go back to your class and describe how it ended?"
"NO"
"Why is that?"
"It was horrible!"
"Can you tell us what made it so horrible?"
"He told us to stop playing games and be serious. He also said I was a boy, and boys don't do the things I'd done all summer. He kept saying it over and over and over."
"How did he find out what you'd done over the summer?"
"He asked us."
"You're still safe in your glade relaxing. Wake up when you are comfortable."
A few minutes later, I was waking up I guess that's what I call it. "Did all that happen?"
"It certainly sounded like it Bill." Becky looked at Dr. Wong, and noticed that she seemed very disturbed. "Dr. Wong?"
"Sorry. If that really happened as you describe it, it's just WRONG. I can't believe it."
"Why do you think I remember it this time, when last time, I couldn't remember the session?"
"My best guess would be that by pulling you out of direct experiencing of the session, and putting it more into an observed mode, you didn't experience the suggestion to forget."
"How do you think the shared dream thing worked? Do you think that spy episode I had was actually one of these shared dreams?"
"I don't know what to think there. If it was, it's a bit unique. Most people don't dream together."
"I didn't think so."
"Mr. and Mrs. Wyman, I'm rapidly coming to the conclusion that we need to find and remove whatever is blocking Mr. Wyman's memories. And if the two of your friends have similar missing memories, I'd like to talk to them as well. If this kind of thing really did happen, something needs to be done about it!"
"Okay, I'll be trying to talk to the second one this afternoon. Assuming I can meet with her and she's also got a memory loss, maybe we can get them to come see you."
"Thanks. Now, Mr. Wyman, if we get some good results from your biopsy, I'd like to try to find and eliminate whatever's blocking your memory next week. This could take more time than we've used in the past."
"Do you think it'll need to run past lunch?"
"I hope not, but it might Mrs. Wyman."
"Okay, I'll plan on taking the day off. You okay Bill?"
"Yea, it's not as bad as last time I don't think. Why don't we do lunch. I should be able to drive home fine after that.
That evening
"I got through to Stacy this afternoon, and I'll be able to get together with her Thursday evening. I wonder if she actually has journals from your elementary school days."
"That would be useful, if she has them. It would probably provide more info than just my fragmented memories, even if they are from a 10 year olds point of view."
"That was my thought. Well, nights."
Wednesday morning
"Mr. Wyman, we're going to try to do this with a local, if you don't mind?"
"As long as I don't have to look at you shoving it in, I'll probably be okay. I sometimes react funny to anesthetic though, so a bit of checking is in order."
"Okay. We'll let the anesthesiologist worry about that, though I will warn him. Here's what we'll do. You'll get changed into this au vaunt guard beach wear." he let me chuckle at that before going on. "Then, we'll go into the Operating room, where I'll introduce you to the Anesthesiologist and he'll deaden the skin and make sure we can get the biopsy without you feeling a thing."
"Got it, no pain is a good thing."
"Right, so you get changed, and we'll see you in a few minutes."
These robes. They are a pain! But, if there's any bleeding, I'd rather it be on this and not my shirt!
"Mr. Wyman, this is Dr. Gordon. He'll be taking care that you don't feel things. I mentioned you had unusual reactions to anesthesia in the past."
"Mr. Wyman, what kind of circumstances were these?"
"Well, Novocain seems slow acting, but hangs around. And when I had my colonoscopy a few years ago they commented that they had to use a stronger dose to knock me out than normal."
"That's fine. We'll just keep an eye on it. Once we start, if you feel anything, just raise your right hand. Don't try talking. You'll be on your side. If the local doesn't work, we'll go with a general but we'd prefer not to if at all possible."
"Okay, you two are the experts."
"Fine, now lay down here. This IV port I'm putting into your other arm is what I'll use if I have to. I'll have to shave a bit of hair at the back of your head, but it's short there anyway, and will grow back soon. Now, I'm applying a topical anesthetic. That should deaden the skin so you don’t feel even the prick. Okay, please raise your hand. Good. Now, let me know by raising your hand again if you feel anything else. Okay Dr. Johanson, he's ready for you."
"Fine. Now, Mr. Wyman, I'll be behind you. The same thing goes, if you feel anything, just move your hand. Dr. Gordon will be watching you while I take care of this."
"Okay, that's the first one, from the edge of the scar. I'm going to try and get something from the middle of the scar area now." There was a pause, then "It shouldn't do that."
"What?"
"Sorry Mr. Wyman. It seems there's some sort of solid immersed in the scar tissue. Do you mind if we do an MRI to get a better look at it? I'm surprised it didn't show up on the CAT scan."
"Umm. Can I move now?"
"What, Yes. Help him set up please Dr. Gordon."
"What was that about something inside?"
"Mr. Wyman, it appears that there is something hard inside the scar tissue area. It could just denser scar tissue, but I'd like to look closer, to see what it is before just poking around."
"Okay, that makes sense to me."
With that, they called down to the MRI, and were able to work me right in. So, I was loaded into a wheelchair, and it was a trek around the hospital to the MRI suite. The technician then directed me to lie down on the table, and he'd get things setup. It was a bit strange listening to the machine talk to me, but I guess it worked. In any event, the technician was back in helping me get up and back in the wheelchair. And I was wheeled back into the room where Dr. Johanson was waiting."
"Well Mr. Wyman. We have a bit of a quandary here."
"Oh? Is that a good quandary or a bad quandary?"
"Neither really, though I could wish it had shown up in the CAT scan. There is something buried in the scar tissue at the base of your brain. It's about a half inch across, and if I were to guess made of plastic of some sort."
"What does that mean?"
"Well, it is a foreign object. And its presence could account for some of the scar tissue. Now that we know it's there, I'd really like to get it out. It doesn't belong there, and can't be doing you any good."
"What does that entail?"
"We'd make a small incision, peel back the tissue, and remove the object, and much of the scar tissue. The then we'd patch things back together. Given no surprises, we could have it out in an hour."
"Surprises? I don't like that term."
"Well, the thing could conceivably fall apart as we're removing it. Then we'd need to deal with it, but the approach I'm planning is to not actually touch it while it's inside. We would remove it and the surrounding scar tissue at the same time. In any event, as I mentioned earlier, one of the TOP surgeons in the country is available if something were to go wrong. And, I've notified him and he's ready if needed."
"That's reassuring!"
"One more thing, before you make up your mind, if we go in, I'd like to keep you here over night, to make sure any bleeding is fully controlled and in general monitor your condition."
"I'm in favor of doing it. I just need to make sure my wife can take care of things."
"Sure, you can use this phone. I'll step out while you give her a call."
"Hello Becky, it's Bill."
"Bill, I didn't expect to hear from you this early. Are you done already?"
"Not exactly."
"Okay Bill, what's going on?"
"Becky, in doing the biopsy, they discovered that inside the scar tissue there's some solid object, and they want to remove it and the scar tissue today."
"WHAT!" I pulled the phone away from my ear at that. "Sorry Bill. I didn't mean to yell in your ear. Of course they want to get it out. What's the problem?"
"Dr. Johanson wants to keep me in the hospital over night for observation. Can you make sure Ginny's taken care of after school?"
"Of course. I'll also check on visiting hours, and we'll stop by this evening. I bet you're glad you didn't eat anything for breakfast this morning!"
"Oh my yes! I'll make sure you're called when it's over. Love you."
"Love you too. Bye."
I hung up, and got Dr. Johanson. "Okay Doc. Any time is fine."
"That's good, I made sure they hadn't scheduled the OR for another procedure, so we'll head back and take care of things."
"Hi again Dr. Gordon. I guess you get to make me go to sleep this time."
"That's right. I hope you didn't eat anything this morning."
"No, as early as I got up, I wasn't hungry."
"That's good, 'cause I really don't enjoy cleaning the mess that sometimes happens. Let's get you lying down. As the IV connector is still there from last time, where we didn't need it, we can just hook up a drip. Are you comfortable?" At my nod, he continued. "Okay, count backwards from 100 please."
"100, 99, 98, 97, 96, 95, 94, 93....."
Later that afternoon
"Well Mr. Wyman, how are you feeling now?"
"I'm a bit groggy Dr. Johanson. How did it go?"
"Very well actually. You've got a bit of a hole in the back of your head now, I'd say the size of my thumb, that has to be dealt with, but we got the capsule and most of the scar tissue as well."
"I assume you have a way to deal with the hole, right?"
"Yes, and we'll go over that later. I'm not sure, right now, what this capsule was supposed to do, but, I think it was about to fall apart, and I can't believe that would have been good for you. The scar tissue was actually holding it together to a large extent."
"Umm how and when will we know anything about it?"
"Well, the lab is checking on the makeup of the contents of the capsule. They should have a preliminary assessment in a day, and the final report available by Monday morning. Well, unless it's something really strange. And that wouldn't surprise me, given everything else." He shook his head at that. "I've never heard of a case like this."
"Can they Fax the results as they get them to Dr. Wong?"
"Yes, I've got her contact info on the referral you brought. I'll send her a preliminary report today, describing what we found."
"Thanks, can I give my wife a call?"
"Once you're in your room yes, that's not a problem."
"Thanks."
"I'll check in on you again this evening, and again in the morning before releasing you."
"Thanks again Doc."
"Becky, do I have to do this?"
"Bill! Relax. They're both very nice ladies. Even if you don't remember them much, you'll like them."
"Okay, okay. I'm just nervous."
"Hello Mr. Wyman, you've got company." The nurse said, as she ushered my family in.
Ginny ran up to give me a hug I think but stopped suddenly. "I'm okay kid. Come on over and give us a hug!" whereupon she finished her attack.
"Ginny, not so tight, you dad isn't going anywhere. I told you that in the car."
"Sorry mom." and turning back to me "Dad, you never said anything about surgery today!"
"Sorry punkin, they were just doing a routine test, and found something in the back of my head that needed to come out. The doc said the whole thing was smaller than my thumb." I said showing her my thumb.
"Does that mean you have a big hole in the back of your head now dad?"
"Not exactly Craig."
"Darned. I wanted to look in to see if they left your brain."
"Craig!"
"Awww mom. Dad knows I'm joking!"
"Well, I hope so anyway son. So what did mom have to bribe you with to get you to come too?"
"Daaad. We gunna get to see whatever it was?"
"Good question kiddo. I'll have to ask the doc when I see him in the morning."
"You need me to come get you dad?"
"No, you can't get out of school that easy!"
"Busted! But, hey, you can't blame a guy for trying."
"No, and I'd have probably tried to pull the same stunt. Hi Becky. Thanks for coming in. I'd gotten myself ready for a quiet evening."
"Well, I thought you'd like to read your book." She said, showing me the book I'd been in the middle of.
"Thanks!"
"That, and we were all a bit concerned about this routine outpatient thing turning into a overnighter. Yes, even Craig."
"Moooom." I laughed at his reaction. He was a good kid. They all were.
"Thanks for all coming in. I'll be home tomorrow. Do you two mind if I have a few words with your mom?" They both nodded. "Alone” Ahh, they got the hint that time.
"Honey, the doc said it looked to him like the thing was plastic and about to collapse of it's own. I didn't want the kids to hear that."
"That's okay dear. It's gone now, I'm sure." At my nod, she continued. "I think we're getting somewhere, but I hate to think about when that could have been put in and how your folks couldn't have known."
"Yea, that's been bothering me as well." I reached out, and we hugged.
"Mom, oops sorry." said Craig, as he closed the door again.
"I guess you'd best be going. They do have school in the morning."
"I know honey. See you tomorrow evening. Do you want me to postpone meeting with Stacy? I was scheduled to see her about sevenish tomorrow."
"No, I'll be fine, and I think we need to hear from her soon too."
"Okay, I'll see you."
Thursday evening
"Honey, you won't believe it!"
"Stacy doesn't remember me."
"Well, sorta. But, that's not what I was going to tell you."
"Okay, why don't you tell me."
"Stacy has journals form fourth and fifth grade! And she described the early sessions in them!"
"Wow, there’s some confirmation. Ummm. Did she confirm Aunt Rachel's description of our summer?"
"Yes Bill. But, here's the interesting thing. She describes a bunch of things in fifth grade too! It might help in identifying the block. She said she'll look through her journals to see if anything is there, and tell you and Karen on Saturday."
"Saturday? What's this?"
"Oh sorry, once we determined that she also had missing memories, she wanted to get together with the two of you, so I called Karen and set it up for Lunch on Saturday. I'll introduce you to each other, and then sit at another table. That way the three of you can see if just being together jogs anything and you can talk about not remembering without someone listening."
"Are you sure that's a good Idea Beck? I'm really nervous about this."
"Of course you are. These are two nice people who you've not interacted with since school, and don't even remember that. You can compare lives and what you each know about what's happened. Maybe you can get them to see one of your doctors too."
"Oh my. They need to see someone, if they can't remember!"
"That was my thought. But, I figured you'd want to describe all of that."
"Gee thanks Becky!"
"Don't mention it. You're seeing Dr Flynn again tomorrow afternoon, right?" At my nod, she continued. Well, you can always talk to her about how to tell them." I nodded some more, lost in thought.
"Well, if you're going to go off into space I'll just go to sleep."
"Ummm."
Friday morning
"Well, Mr. Wyman, the bandage on your neck tells me you had an eventful week."
"More than you can guess Dr. Flynn. But the bandage was from some surgery on Wednesday. Seems that scar tissue Dr. Johanson found, well it was hiding a little capsule of some sort."
She started a bit at this. "How was this determined?"
"Well, I went in for a quick biopsy of the scar tissue in hopes of determining what had caused it, and they found something inside the scar tissue, which turned out to be this thing. Apparently it was about to fall apart too."
"Oh my. I hope that was the extent of your excitement."
"I'm afraid not. Monday with Dr. Wong was eye opening as well."
"Really?"
"If I'm interpreting things correctly from Monday's session with Dr. Wong, all three of us were "programmed" to act in ways we didn't want."
"Programmed?"
"Yea, he was telling us we liked stuff. Some of it was what we expected, but some of it was way off the wall, like playing football. The thing is, I actually recall playing football the next year. That was it, but my memory, assuming that's what it was, was that I didn't like football, and here I was a year later playing football. I even got hurt, and lost a tooth. That was enough to keep my folks from encouraging THAT any more. But there's more like that. Strange though, that ths sports interested seemed to die as I got older. I checked my year books from high school. A sum total of one sport, and it was individual!"
"That's a very disturbing, if it actually happened Mr. Wyman. Have you found any evidence other than that recovered memory that it actually happened?"
"Just circumstantial, like all three of us seem to have memory losses that are similar, and this thing they found in my head and stuff like that."
"Are you doing anything about it?"
"Now that you mention it, maybe we should try to find this doctor."
"I didn't say that, but it does sound reasonable."
"I'm also going to meet Karen and Stacy tomorrow. I was going to talk to you about that."
"Meeting them may be a good idea. I take it your wife continued to arange things with them?"
"Yes, and she's going to introduce us to each other tomorrow, and then back out of the picture. That sounds a bit funny, introducing people that apparently were close friends to each other."
"Yes, it does sound a bit unusual, but reasonable in the current circumstances. What were you going to do?"
"I guess learn a bit about each other and share what I know, or think I know about what happened. That's what I was going to ask you about. How much should I tell them? Everything, just a bit?"
"I'm afraid you're going to have to play that a bit by ear. Watch them both and how they take things. If they start to tense up, you might want to back off some. But, if they ask, I suspect the best bet is to answer as honestly as you can, being clear as to what you've confirmed and what you only suspect."
"Thanks. That's about what I figured, but it helps to hear you confirm it."
"Have you thought any more about what you've recalled in previous weeks?"
"Some, but most of that seems now, almost as if it happened to someone else."
"Are you still disturbed by the apparent fact that as a child you wore girls clothing more than just a bit."
"A little, and we got more confirmation on that."
"Really? I'd have thought only the two friends would have had that information and they forgot."
"They did, but Stacy, the one Becky met last night, kept journals. And Becky said her journals confirmed it as well."
"What do you think about someone else knowing that?"
"I really don't know what to think. I'd have assumed it would have bothered me, but somehow it doesn't. If that makes sense."
"Well, considering the person that knows about it doesn't remember it but just knows about it may help your subconscious deal with it. That or your subconscious knows her for some reason and accepts that she has a right to know that."
"Interesting way to look at it. I wonder what I'll think, if and when I get my memories back."
"Are you doing anything more along those lines? I believe last week you said you might be if you were able to confirm more."
"Our plan is to try to break through the block Monday morning."
"Hmmm. Do you think we should schedule a session for that afternoon?"
"Dr. Wong said that it could well take into the afternoon. But, depending on how I feel, I may need to talk to someone. I mean Becky will be there, but I'm afraid I guess. What if I'm changed by the memories?"
"We've gone over this before, but it doesn't hurt to remind you. Keep in mind, you've lived a long time since those memories. Regaining them will not change who you are. There may well be things in there you are disturbed by or are ashamed of. But, there are probably things that you do remember now that fit those categories. Right?"
"That is true. So, you think that anything I recall would be more of the same?"
"Well, unless you saw something like a murder or were physically assaulted or something like that, I'd think so. Think about it. You've been building your personality, what makes you distinctly you all your life. That includes your childhood, even though you don't recall it. From what you've described, any programming seems to have mostly been short term and you've developed beyond that. It is possible that it may have been bent in your preteen and teen years, but based on all you've told me, you've been you for a lot longer than that. Your wife would say so as well, don't you think?"
"I guess. Maybe it's just the idea that someone was mucking with my head that bothers me."
"Rightfully it should! There's no excuse for that, if it happened. That said, believe that the core self, hasn't really changed."
"Thanks. That really helps."
"Well, that's a bit of a pep talk, but it's still basically true. The key for you, which I'm here to help, is for you to recognize who you are. Not necessarily who others think you are."
"Okay doc. That does help. Can I call early next week, if I need to talk before next Friday?"
"Of course. And, that goes any time of day! But, I'd prefer you don't call at 2:00 am to talk about the weather." I laughed at that.
"Don't worry Doc. If I call, it won't be something like the weather."
"I didn't think so Mr. Wyman, but I did want to lighten things up a bit. Good luck tomorrow and on Monday. Call me if you need."
"Thanks" I said as I headed out.
Friday night
"Becky, in my chat with Dr. Flynn today, a thought occurred to me."
"You're not backing out of this meeting Bill!"
"No, I'm nervous, but not backing out. It's about trying to find that teacher. Maybe we should try to find him?"
"That's a good thought. I'll call Jane, and see if she can find anything."
"She's the PI that found Karen & Stacy right?"
"Yep, that's her. Anything else?"
"Not really, you know as much as I do I think." She laughed at that.
"We'll keep finding more. I'm actually glad we started down this path Bill. No matter what was in that capsule in your head, it disintegrating could NOT have been a good thing. And finding two others that also have the memory loss, well, it demands we do something."
"I agree, but I'm still nervous."
"Of course, but we're doing this together, just like we've face all the other problems."
I just gave her a hug, wondering yet again how I'd ever gotten lucky enough to find such a wonderful person to share my life with.
Saturday late morning
"Becky, do I have to do this?"
"Bill! Relax. They're both very nice ladies. Even if you don't remember them much, you'll like them."
"Okay, okay. I'm just nervous."
"Don't be. They should be waiting at the restaurant, or if not get there soon. Ahh, there's Stacy waiting." I looked up, and only saw one person outside the restaurant. I guess that must be her, but she didn't look like anyone I knew. "Come along Bill, you're dragging your feet again."
"Okay, okay."
"Hello Stacy." Becky said. "This trembling mound is my husband, Bill. Bill, this is Stacy Hauptman."
I heaved a sigh. "Hello. I'm afraid I'm a bit nervous." I said as I offered my hand.
She took it, and replied "That makes two of us. This not remembering is a bother." She had a nice quiet voice. It seemed to remind me of something.
"Do we go in now? Or should we wait?"
"Karen Stewart was going to meet us here. I'm sure she won't be long."
"Karen Stewart? You didn't mention her last name Thursday night. That's the same name she had when we were kids."
I just looked back and forth between them. "Yes" Becky glanced off and said. "There she is."
"Hello Karen, this is Bill and that's Stacy Hauptman. Bill and Stacy, this is Karen. I've got reservations for a private room, the three of you will be together, and I'll be across the room where I can't really hear. But, you can get my attention if you want." We all nodded at this. I guess they were maybe as nervous as I was. "Okay, let's go. I think you'll enjoy the food here."
We went in, and were taken to a room in the back, and I understood how she had things set up. We got a nice table for three, and she was across as she'd said. She pulled out her laptop; I guess she was going to work while we chatted.
Stacy walked toward the table, and then looked over her shoulder at us. I don't know about Karen, but I was still nervous. Stacy pulled out her chair, relieving me of thinking I needed to play gentleman. "Are you two coming?" We both started over and grabbed seats.
"Perhaps we should introduce ourselves, because I really don't remember either of you." At our nods, Stacy continued. "I'm Stacy Wrangle, and was Stacy Hauptman when we were kids. I'm currently a project manager at Lockheed where I've worked since earning my degree in Mechanical Engineering from State. My husband died from cancer a decade ago. We had only one son and, he was killed by a roadside bomb in Iraq last year." At our shocked look she said. "I'm dealing with it. There's a large support group for those of us that have lost family members."
Karen jumped in after that. "I don't know what to say Stacy. I'm so sorry for your loss." At her wave, she continued. "Well, I'm still Karen Stewart, single, and never married. I guess you could say I'm to absorbed in the kids in the theatre groups I work with are my kids. I studied composition and music education and am in the symphony in Wardenville and am music director for their youth orchestra. Throughout the year, I'm involved as music director at various local groups doing musicals and the like."
We were interrupted then by the waiter who took our orders for lunch. I didn't mind, since I wasn't really sure what to say after that. After the waiter left, "Well, it's my turn, I guess. You've both met my wife Becky. And, I guess I should say I'm Bill now, but apparently when we were kids, I went by my given name Leslie. We have three kids. Our eldest is our daughter Ruth, and she's a Junior at the University. Craig's our middle kid, and he's starting to look into colleges as a Junior at the high school. His favorite things are sports and video games. Ginny's our youngest, she's a fifth grader at our old elementary school. Does that cover it? Oh, I'm an independent consulting specializing in Business Process Engineering."
"Whatever that is." Karen muttered.
"Sorry, that means I help companies determine if the process they use to accomplish something actually makes sense, and if there are ways to improve their processes. Sometimes this includes automation."
"Thanks."
We paused again as our salads and drinks were delivered. This was actually going a lot better than I'd expected. But then, we were on relatively safe ground so far. We were all quiet while we ate our salads. I don't think any of us really knew what to do next.
"Well, maybe I should continue now." said Stacy, as she put aside her fork. "Bill, after talking to your wife Thursday evening, I went and found my journals covering when we were in school. I say found, cause they weren't in with the other ones; they were packed away with some of my other stuff from High School. I actually think that's significant. All the rest of my journals, and yes I still keep them, were shelved nicely."
I interrupted. "Stacy, you might like to go have a talk with Mrs. King, our third grade teacher. She also keeps journals! I'll tell you a bit about them when it's my turn." I quieted down at that.
"Okay. In any event, I found them. My early ones were not all that well organized. But, they describe a lot of things I don't recall. Actually, reading them is like reading stories about someone else. It's freaky. Almost every page mentions Karen or you as Lee, at least through the first half of fourth grade. Somewhere in there, I mention you both less, but it never really goes away. You became Bill in there somewhere, and you both show up off and on through out high school. After that summer at your grandparents though, we were never together as far as I can tell."
"Did you ever describe any of our classes with Dr. Pfizter?"
"I saw some in there, but they were definitely written through the eyes of a fourth or fifth grader. The ones I saw in my spot checking got clearer and clearer until some time in the fall of our fifth grade year."
"That might match up."
"Why?" Karen asked and I turned toward her, realizing that Stacy and I had sorta been excluding her from our discussion.
"The records I got of that class from the school board had some notes from him, that the class seemed to be approaching an end, and then that he was ending it." I turned to where Becky was sitting and raised my voice. "Becky, do you have the file you made on all the stuff we've found so far."
"Of course Bill. I'll get it for you after we're served." She said, as the waiters came into the room with our main courses. Once the food was delivered and the waiter left again, Becky brought over the file. I quickly read the two notes, and then we dug into our food.
As we slowed down our eating, I started up again. "I got disturbed by my memory loss a few months ago at a party." I went on to describe the party, getting interested remarks from both of them. Then, I described the outcome of my chat with Flo, and what had happened since, up until the biopsy. "I went in for a biopsy of the scar tissue on Wednesday, and they actually found a capsule like thing in there, which they recommended removal, thus this bandage." I indicated the obvious bandage on the back of my head."
"I’d wondered about it, there was actually something in there?"
"Yes Karen. The doc said it was about a half inch long, made of some sort of plastic and starting to deteriorate."
Stacy shook her head, then asked. "Do you think it's the cause of your memory loss?"
"I don't know. I'm seeing a Doctor Wong, and she's helped me recover some memories. I think she believes it's related."
She nodded at this. "Your wife mentioned that you had recovered some memories. How was this accomplished?"
"Dr. Wong is a specialist who works on memory. Most of the time, she said it's around crime victims who blank out bits of a crime and she helps them bring out the memories which tend to help locate the perpetrator. She primarily uses hypnosis and something called neurolinguistic something or other. That's where they use of certain key words help to induce certain feelings, which can improve the effectiveness of hypnosis. In any event, using these techniques, she was able to help me pull up a few memories, or things that may be memories anyway, because of circumstantial evidence."
Karen chimed in at that. "May be memories? Does that mean this can be used to implant false memories too?"
I nodded. "That's about it. So, Becky or my daughter Ruth has been sitting in observing. That's to act as a bind to reduce the likelihood that Dr. Wong accidentally puts any of the dreams in there. I think we're going to try to break through whatever is blocking my memories on Monday."
They both looked a little shocked looking at me.
"That sounds a bit dangerous" Karen put in.
"Uhuh. But, I think it's important. If it was that teacher that did it, and blocked all three of us, I think it's important to find out, and then to do something about it." They nodded at this. Oh, and Dr. Wong suggested that she might like to talk to you both, to see if your memory loss is like mine."
"I dunno about that, I'd have to think about it."
"So would I Stacy."
"Okay. I just told her I'd pass it on."
We were interrupted again, by the waiters to clear up our meal and see if we wanted desert. Neither Karen nor I did, but Stacy had a strawberry cheesecake. We chatted about this and that in the town while she ate. Before finishing, "Bill and Karen, I think it'd be good to meet again. I'm surprised a bit at how much I enjoyed todays lunch even given some of the things we heard."
"I agree Stacy! What do you think Bill?"
"I'm game, if you're free, maybe next Tuesday would be good. I might even have some more information by then!" They both agreed to that, and the two got up to use the facilities. I went over to Becky. "Thanks for setting this up."
"How'd it go Bill?"
"It was amazing Becky. We started out a bit nervous, which I guess makes sense. But, after a while we were just talking about stuff. We've even made plans to get together again on Tuesday so I can tell them how things go on Monday." At her nod, "you know, I actually feel like, I dunno, like I know them?" She just laughed at that.
"You did once Bill."
"Right! So, how is this being billed?"
"I've got it covered." I laughed at that and headed back to the table. We broke up shortly after that, after having decided where to meet on Tuesday.
"That's HORRIBLE."
"Yes and any number of things could have gone wrong. . . ."
Becky was amazing today, and tonight. Wow. I just don't know what I've done to deserve a partner like her. First she put me back together with two people that may well become friends again, tonight she was there to talk over everything and Monday she'll be there for whatever happens.
Monday morning
"Hello Dr. Wong."
"Good morning Mr. & Mrs. Wyman. The report on what was in the scar tissue was faxed here this morning, and I have to say I find it more troublesome than just the thought of someone injecting materials that caused the scarring. The capsule actually had a toxic substance in it. The substance was also a mild hallucinogenic. The report suggests that had the capsule ruptured, you'd probably have had the biggest trip one could have imagined. They were not sure if you'd have survived the event, but you would certainly have had brain damage. And, to make things worse, the plastic the capsule was made of seemed to be deteriorating. I guess that's not surprising given the quality of plastics back in the '60s but you're a very lucky man Mr. Wyman." I shuddered at this. "The scar tissue mass also appears to have been your body's defense mechanism to protect you from the foreign object. It also showed some signs of that other substance I mentioned we were looking for, but not much. We didn't expect much, after all these years. Well, it wasn't actually IN the scar tissue; it was on the surface of the plastic. And, they probably wouldn't have found it had they not been actively looking for it."
"Wow. How'd that thing get in there, without Bill's parents knowing he'd had surgery and such? I didn't think they had techniques back then to allow for inserting something like that, especially with no discernable scar!"
"They did speculate on how it was introduced. They said that based on the shape of the capsule, it really wasn't inserted intact." At our questioning look, she continued. "Here's how they speculated that it could have been inserted. First a long hollow needle was inserted into the back of the neck, upward toward the base of the brain. No, I don't have any idea how positioning without hitting anything was accomplished. But, once the long needle was in place, a plastic substance was "blown through the tube into the position the tube was there. It became balloon like, or if you've seen glass blowing like a glass bottle. In any event, they speculate that rather than air, the toxic/hallucinogenic material was used to make the balloon. When the appropriate amount was inserted, the tube would be twisted to seal it, and then withdrawn. This does sound like it might work. But the whole idea is more than just a little disturbing. So many things could go wrong.”
"That's HORRIBLE."
"Yes and any number of things could have gone wrong. They could have pushed too far, the plastic could have ruptured; the list is endless. I don't see how anyone with a conscience could have done such a thing. Even less, what did they do to LEARN how to insert these things?" I shuddered at that.
"I guess I really am lucky!"
"Very much so, you need to tell those friends of yours about this, and get them to a Neurologist to check as well. It'd probably be easier to use Dr. Johanson, since he's familiar with your case, and knows what to look for, but it needs to be done."
"I'll tell them when I see them tomorrow."
"Thanks. And, I'd still like to talk to them as well."
"I know, and I'll mention that as well." I sighed. "Does any of that help with what we're doing today?"
"Maybe, it does give me a starting spot. I suspect the timing is related, but we'll have to look and see." She paused. "Do either of you have any questions before we get started?"
"Actually, I've a comment. One of the two friends Bill had back then, kept journals, even back in fourth grade. She gave me a call yesterday after reading her journals with one or two events that might be useful."
"Mr. Wyman, how about you head into the room, so I can hear what your wife has to say. I'd prefer to not influence your sub consciousness any more than we have to.
"Okay, if this helps, that's great!" I said as I headed back into the room.
"Well Mr. Wyman, that call your wife got yesterday may have made things a little easier for all of us."
"That's a relief; I was getting a bit nervous in here."
"I'm sorry, but as I said, your not hearing will make this easier and less likely to interfere with our efforts. Let's get set up." I sat down, and held my hands out for the monitors. I figured today had to be tough. "I thought they'd be needed."
"While it's possible they're not, I'd rather play things safe." She took her seat. "You're strolling through the forest toward your glade. The sun is shining. It's peaceful and quiet. You walk into your glade and feel safe and relaxed..."
I sat there while Dr. Wong disconnected me from the probes. I felt totally drained. As if I'd run a marathon or something. Once my eyes began to focus better, Dr. Wong said. "How was your graduation from High School Mr. Wyman?"
"It was nice, a little cool with the clouds. But it was nice and dry. Karen's speech was awesome! Wait. I remembered that!"
"Yes. I'm glad to hear you recalled that. How about your fifth birthday party?"
"That would have been the one where Karen gave me a Bozo the Clown and Stacy gave. I remember!" I was getting a little excited, despite my exhaustion.
She smiled at my reaction. "Yes. I'd like to see you again, but I believe we've removed the block that was keeping your memories from you. For now, I'd suggest keeping a log of things and confirming them. Just to make sure."
"So, this is what you meant. If I think about it, I can remember things. But they don't just "jump" out and grab my attention any more than any other memory."
"That's right. You may have some disturbing memories in there, but you should be able to recall them. So, you may be working with Dr. Flynn for quite a while until you've worked through all of your new memories."
I nodded. "I guess some of them are likely to be more disturbing than others."
"Considering what happened, I'm afraid so."
Later that afternoon
"Hi daddy, you look like you need a hug." Says my 11 year old, as she climbed into, well I guess onto and across is a better term, lap. Between the two of us there really wasn't much room to spare.
"Thanks punkin. You sure it's me that you think needs the hug?"
"Weeelll. I like 'em too daddy, but you're usually off working and stuff, and since you got that bandage on your neck last week...” her voice trailed off.
"Ginny, you've not been worried have you?"
"Uhuh. You're never sick daddy, and you spent the night in the hospital."
"I wasn't sick this time either. The doctors found something in there that shouldn't have been and took it out. I thought mommy had told you about that."
"She said the same thing daddy, but I was worried it was cancer they found." I looked at her a little startled. I guess I could see how someone could come to that conclusion.
"No punkin’ it was actually a bit of plastic, about that big." I said showing her using the tip of my thumb.
"How'd that get in there daddy?"
"A really bad man put it there punkin when I was younger than you are. And, before you ask, we don't know why."
"How did you know I was going to ask that daddy?"
"I could see the question forming on the tip of your tongue."
"No you couldn't!"
"No, I just know you well enough to know what you were going to ask. Is that all now Punkin?"
"I guess daddy. I was just worried."
"I'd have told you if there was something to worry about. Now, you run along now. Okay?"
"Thanks daddy!" She gave me a peck and jumped up. What a wonderful kid.
Tuesday Lunch
"Hi Karen & Stacy."
"How'd it go yesterday Bill?"
"Always right to the point aren't you Stacy?" She looked at me sharply.
"You remember something"?
I nodded. "It's not like I always recall things, but when folks ask questions or I try to, I remember stuff. It's nice not having those holes now."
"Wow. Was it hard?"
"Umm. Yea, I felt all wrung out when it was over yesterday, and wasn't much use the rest of the day, but this morning I felt pretty much normal."
"So, do you remember our graduation too?" Karen asked.
"Yea, you gave a great speech! I don't really remember all of it, but it was really well received. I'm afraid mine wasn't quite so good. I was trying to clown a bit I guess, or maybe just be funny." Hmm. I didn't remember that before. What's this; Karen reached out toward me as if to comfort me and then hesitated. "Don't worry about it, that's old history now. We'd best look at these menus and make up our minds, or they'll be upset with us." They both nodded, and eventually we'd ordered our lunches.
"Bill, did the information I found in my journals end up helping?"
"Yes Stacy, they did apparently. Becky never told me what you passed on, but Dr. Wong did indicate that it made things go easier."
"I'm not so sure I'm happy with that, based on other things in my journals. I was hoping it was just a story I'd written for myself."
"Stuff like getting shots in the backs of our necks?" She looked at me sharply. "Ahh, I see the answer is probably yes. That's one of the memories I recovered before yesterday, and was why the Doc had me see my Neurologist for a biopsy of the scar tissue at the base of my brain." They both nodded, apparently recalling the mention of that. "Ahh, our food arrives."
Chat over lunch was over incidentals. It was interesting how easily we got along, and this only our second meeting since we'd been reconnected. I wondered where it would all go.
"Bill, I want the name of the Neurologist. I want my head checked out!"
"Karen, that's a better idea than you think. When they were poking in there to do the biopsy, they found a plastic capsule." The both inhaled at that.
"No!"
"I'm afraid so. And Dr. Wong was hoping you'd both go see a Neurologist, if not the one I used."
"Bill, Karen, I think it makes sense to use the same Neurologist as he'd be familiar with what happened to Bill and that might reduce testing and such."
"That was Dr. Wong's point too Stacy. Want me to call now, and see if they can work you in?" At their nod, I pulled out my blackberry and phone. I wish they’d combine these things into a reasonable package. "Hello, yes this is Mr. Wyman. Is Dr. Johanson available? What, he left word he'd call me back. Okay, you can use this number, it's my mobile." I turned back. Apparently he was expecting a call. So if we can sit tight, maybe I can get you answers. Meanwhile, as I said earlier, Dr. Wong would like a chance to see you both too."
"Maybe. I'll think about it Bill."
"How about you Karen?"
"Okay, I'm a bit nervous, but also curious. It can't hurt to meet the lady. Would you mind going along?"
At that point, my phone rang. "Just a sec, it's the Doc." I answered the phone. "Bill Wyman, what's up doc?" "Yes, I'm afraid I couldn’t resist. Sorry if you hear it too much." "No, my neck feels fine. I was calling about two other people that were in the class with me where I got this plastic present." "Yes, there were two others, and they have memory issues as well." "That's exactly what I was calling you about Doc. They both were interested in getting things checked out." "You can get the scans Thursday?" "Oh, and if they have capsules can take care of one as well in the afternoon? Let me check with them." I turned to Stacy and Karen. "You probably heard that. Are either of you free on Thursday?"
Stacy pulled out a blackberry, not that I'm surprised, and quickly said "I can get off. No big meetings or anything. It being December things are quieting down anyway."
I turned to Karen, and she said "I'm pretty flexible. I'll have to check my calendar at home, but I think I'm good for Thursday as well."
"Doc, they can both be there Thursday morning for the scans." "Oh, okay." I turned back to them. "He said that if there’s an indication of a capsule in your heads, he'd like to remove them as soon as possible. They both nodded. "Okay, I'll introduce you when I come in for you to look at the new hole in my head." "Okay Bye." "Sorry about that."
"Oh, we were waiting for it." said Stacy. "I'm just glad I had the time open Friday afternoon and Monday morning are booked solid.
"Bill, that he went so fast on this, I think I'd better take the time to see Dr. Wong too."
"Okay Karen. I know she used to have some time on Wednesdays. I had it before having to change to Mondays. Let me give her a call." "Hello Dr. Wong, this is Mr. Wyman." "Yes, I'm fine. I was calling for Karen Stewart, one of my classmates." "Yes, that class. She was wondering if you had time tomorrow to chat with her about her memory losses." "You do? Great. I'll let her know." "Oh, I'll check." "Stacy, do you want Friday morning? Dr. Wong can clear that time." I could see her thinking it over, and then she gave a nod. "Okay?"
"Yes, I can make it happen."
"Okay Dr. Wong, Stacy can be there Friday morning." "Thanks."
"Well, that was a busy lunch. I don't know about you two, but with the exception of that phone stuff, I had a great time today!"
"Yes, why don't we do it again next week? We should all have some new experiences by then!"
"Good point Karen. I'm up for it."
"Well, count me in!" I didn't want to miss out on getting reconnected with these wonderful people.
With that, things settled down. A bit of coffee or tea and we were done for the day.
"You're right. I'd not noticed that. I was paying more attention to the similarities in her description. Karen, it's like we were describing the same tower!"
"How'd lunch go today Bill?"
"What, a lunch with two lovely young ladies and you ask me?"
"Bill." she said sternly, obviously trying to keep a straight face.
"Sorry Becky, I couldn't resist." I said grinning a bit as she broke out in a laugh. "Actually lunch was really good. It felt a lot like I've known them for years and years and we were just catching up, if that makes any sense."
"Maybe. After all, you were good friends at one point."
"True. In any event, lunch was good. And, they're going to see Dr. Wong and Dr. Johanson this week."
"That's quick!"
"No kidding. I was afraid Dr. Johanson was going to be booked, but I guess this thing is more worrisome than either of us wanted to believe. In any event, they'll both get MRIs Thursday, and he's even got an OR cleared if they have capsules!"
"Wow. Not taking any chances is he. That stuff in there MUST have been bad! I know Dr. Wong said so, but this sounds even worse than she made it sound."
I nodded. "I'll take Karen to meet Dr. Wong tomorrow too."
"Going along, is probably a good idea Bill. See if you can sit in as the observer for her."
"Good Idea Becky. As much as I'm coming to trust Dr. Wong, the idea that someone mucked with my head, and I'm guessing used some techniques like Dr. Wong is using, well, I'd like to be there to avoid that if I can."
"And, I think I'll give Jane a call, and see how she's been getting along."
"Jane? Oh, the PI. I'd be curious to hear as well."
Wednesday morning
"Bill, I'm really nervous about this. I've never actually met a shrink before."
"Dr. Wong's really nice. Oh, I should mention she's a red head." Karen looked at me in surprise. "Guess I forgot to mention she's Irish. Her parents died in a bombing in Northern Ireland and she was later adopted by the Wong's."
"That's an amazing story Bill. You didn't just make it up did you?"
"No, though thinking back, I guess we both used to be good at making up stories." Karen gave me a funny look at that, and I realized I was thinking back to our childhood. "She told me in our first meeting. She's actually pretty nice, and from what I saw was willing to answer any questions and concerns."
"Thanks for coming with me."
"What are friends for?" She looked at me a bit questioningly, and I continued. "Well, we do have a good bit in common it seems and you are fun to be around."
"Okay Bill, do go defensive. I guess I was just surprised to hear you say it."
"Here we are Karen, let's go on in and see the Dragon lady."
"I heard that Mr. Wyman" said Dr. Wong, as she was coming out of her office. "This must be Ms. Stewart, right?" We both just stood there and nodded. "And you're wondering how I knew you were here? Coincidence really, I was just going to drop this in the mail slot" she indicated a letter, "and was opening the door when you gave that little description of me."
"Sorry about that." I said a little sheepishly.
"Think nothing of it. I've been called worse, and I think I got mine back by surprising you. Shall we go in?" After we were inside, she turned to Karen and said. "Now Ms. Stewart, I'd like to thank you for coming in today. Based on what I think Mr. Wyman has been telling you, you're probably a little confused and disturbed." At her nod, Dr. Wong continued. "Shall we go into my office and discuss things a little? Maybe I can set your mind at ease."
"Would you mind if Bill sits in Dr. Wong? I'm afraid I'm a bit nervous about all this, and he's been through it."
"I don't normally include non-family members in discussions, but this situation is a bit unusual and you are aware of the issues and may be able to contribute based on your experiences. Hmm. Ms. Stewart, are you sure you want someone else in with us?"
"Very much doctor."
"All right then."
What went on then was a pretty detailed question and answer session, where Dr. Wong did a pretty clear job of explaining things, including risks and drawbacks of her techniques. I chimed in once or twice. Somewhere in there, Karen agreed to do a start, and see where her safe place was, in preparation for unlocking her memory should she decide to do that.
"Well, we can go into the room now. Ms. Stewart, am I correct in assuming you want Mr. Wyman to observe this session as well?" At her nod, she continued. "Okay, Ms. Stewart, you'll sit here. I'll be in front of you but out of your direct view over there. And Mr. Wyman will sit quietly in that chair behind you where I can see him. Let's get you comfortable now."
Dr. Wong took her seat, and started. "You're walking quietly to a place you feel safe. You hear the sound of surf. Look around and describe your environment."
"I hear the surf from the window of my room."
I watched Dr. Wong work with her. Eventually, she was walking along the beach, with her feet in the surf, sorta like the place she'd described as feeling the most peaceful. If that's what it took to get to the glade. WOW. Hmmm. The tower, I guess I recall it, but it feels different, fuzzy like. I'll have to talk to Dr. Wong about that.
"And you wake up slowly in your peaceful secluded beach." Dr. Wong waited a minute or two for Karen become more aware of her surroundings, "How are you feeling Ms. Stewart?"
"Uhhh, a little tired I guess, but also refreshed in a way. If that makes any sense."
"It does. I'm afraid we had to work as hard with you as we had with Mr. Wyman to get you to go to YOUR safe spot, instead of that tower. Though, your tower did have a small difference from Mr. Wyman’s."
"Really?" I was curious about this.
"Yes Mr. Wyman. If you recall Ms. Stewart's description, the tower was on a cliff above the ocean. Yours, on the other hand, was in the middle of a forest."
"You're right. I'd not noticed that. I was paying more attention to the similarities in her description. Karen, it's like we were describing the same tower!"
"Hmmm. But if that teacher you described was making us go to a place, wouldn't he have used similar terms to describe it and tell us?"
I nodded. "Dr. Wong does that explain the similarities?"
"Mostly, but not completely I don't think. I've some ideas, but would like to do a bit of research and see how things go with Mrs. Wrangle on Friday before sharing them. There's nothing to worry about with any of my ideas, so don't worry about it."
We both nodded, though I suspect that Karen was almost as unsettled by this as I was.
"One thing we have established is that the nature of the memory block which you have is very similar to the one we were able to break through with Mr. Wyman. That means we are likely to be able to break yours as well. I'm willing to try, if you are."
"Today?"
"No, I wouldn't want to stress your body more today, and I'd like to reinforce YOUR safe beach some more. We could do it on Monday, if you'd like."
"Ummm. Let me think about it. I'm inclined to agree, but this is all so sudden."
"Of course."
Thursday morning
"Hello again Mr. Wyman."
"Dr. Johanson, this is Karen Stewart and Stacy Wrangle."
"Hello ladies. Why don't you both head down to the MRI Suite." He said indicating a sign on the wall. "They're expecting you, and I can check out this hole in the back of Mr. Wyman's head."
We went into the exam room, and I had to get into one of those wonderful gowns.
"All ready I see. Let’s hop up here and lay down so I can take a good look. If things are healing nicely, I'll remove the packing and close things up." It felt a little strange with him poking and prodding inside, but eventually he seemed satisfied. "Okay, everything is healing nicely. The new packing seems to promote healing even more that was advertised. I'm going to put some lattice in here and then close up. You had so little seepage this last week; I believe we can go without the drain as well. I'm going to numb up the back of your neck a bit, so that you won't feel the stitches. The ones inside will dissolve over time and you'll need to get the outer ones removed in a week to ten days. Okay, you'll probably feel a prick here and there, and then nothing." Yep, there were pricks. No worse than when the dentist does it. "There, did you feel that?"
"Feel what?"
"That answers my question; I should be done in about 10 minutes, so you can take a short nap."
"Right."
"Now hold still." He went on describing what he was doing. If it hadn't been my neck, I'd probably have been more interested. I'll say one thing tough the commentary did help make the time pass. "And that does the job. You can go get changed and I'll check on the results from your lady friends scans."
"Friends!"
He laughed at that. "I see you're awake there. Sit up. Dizzy? Good, now stand up? Still good? Okay, now you can get changed." With that, he headed out the door. I got back into my regular clothing, and headed out, just to meet Dr. Johanson, Stacy and Karen.
"Well, Mr. Wyman, your friends are lucky enough to have extra toys inside that look like yours did."
"You call that lucky!"
"Yes, in that we've found them, and confirmed their presence. And, if the lesser amount of scar tissue is any indication, they are in better shape than yours was." He turned back to them, "Do you still want to get rid of your toy today Ms. Stewart?"
"YES, if it's got the same stuff you folks said was in Bill's I want it out yesterday!"
"And you Mrs. Wrangle, Are you sure you can't loose yours before Monday afternoon?"
"I'm afraid so Doctor. And I'm hoping that your statement that indications are good that they're in better shape than Bill's was is true."
"Well then Ms. Stewart, I'll have the nurse take you down and get you ready. I'm afraid you'll be spending the night will us, and enjoying the lovely accommodations here at General."
It was almost funny to hear Karen snort almost at that. "You're too much doctor!"
"I try; I've got to earn those big bucks I charge the Insurance companies." We all laughed at that one. "I'll be down to see you in a little bit, and we can take care of your little bit of extra." He turned back to Stacy and me, "If you'd like to visit this evening, I'm sure she'll be done by evening visiting hours." At our nods, he turned to follow Karen.
"Well Bill, I can't say I'm surprised at this, but that doesn't mean I like it any more than I did before."
"No, I've been getting more and more disturbed by this as time goes on. That's one of the reasons we've hired a PI to track down the teacher that did this to us!"
"Wow, any particular reason you don't just want to fix things and go on with life?"
"What if we're not the only ones Stacy?" At the look of horror on her face, it was apparent she'd not thought of that. "There's evidence we weren't alone Stacy. My daughter found some papers published by him, and there were actually a good number of kids from different schools."
"My goodness Bill, they have to be notified!"
"Our thought as well, so we're first trying to find him."
"If there's anything I can do, let me know!"
"For now, just take care of yourself Stacy. Are you going to come back to see Karen this evening?" At her nod, I continued. "I think I'll stop by as well."
"Oh, I forgot to ask Bill, what did he have to say about your head?"
"It's healing better than he expected, and he was able to close things up today."
"That's amazing Bill, recovery keeps getting better and better."
"Yes. Though, it's still amazing to me that he was actually able to insert this thing in the first place. I mean today, I can see it almost, but back in the '60s?"
Stacy nodded at that. "Well, I may run into you here tonight. Otherwise I'll see you tomorrow morning."
Late Thursday evening
"I take it they had capsules too."
"Yes Becky. Though, at least in Karen's case, at least on first look, it seems theirs are in a little better condition than the one in my head was."
"That's good, though I do wonder why yours was in worse shape."
"You and me both!"
"So tomorrow you'll be taking Stacy to see Dr. Wong I believe you said."
"That's right. Oh, did you get anything from the PI yet?"
"No, she said it would probably be the first of the week before she was able to get back to me."
"Okay. I'll leave it to the professional then."
"How's your latest report coming? You've been spending a lot of time on this."
"Surprisingly well, considering. I'm afraid I'll have to spend a good bit of time Saturday on it though."
"Okay, don't forget Ginny's winter concert next week."
"Right, that's Tuesday afternoon isn't it?"
"Yes, and make sure you charge the camera this year. I'd like to see the whole thing, not just part of Ginny's class."
"Sorry. I'll go plug in the charger now, that way I won't forget."
Friday morning
"Hi Stacy, sorry I was running a little late."
"That's okay Bill. It's not that cold out here." I snorted at that. "In any event, it's only five minutes."
We walked in and up to Dr. Wong's office. "When Karen and I were here the other morning, I made the mistake of asking if she were ready to meet the Dragon Lady, and just as I said that by coincidence Dr. Wong was coming out of the door." She laughed a bit at this and I continued. Dr. Wong's from Northern Ireland and was adopted as a child. So don't be surprised at the red hair."
"Thanks, though I suspect I might have figured something of the sort out."
"True, well here we are. Any last questions before we go in?"
"No, most are for her." With that, I opened the door and we went in.
"Hi Dr. Wong."
"Hello Mr. Wyman. This must be Mrs. Wrangle." she said as she turned to Stacy.
"Yes Dr. Wong. I've heard a bit about you."
"Well, I hope most of it's been good." At Stacy's nod, she continued. "I suspect you have a few questions for me."
As it turned out, Stacy was amazingly prepared, well, maybe not now that I think about it. She was always the one to go look stuff up in the encyclopedia. I never got really interested in reading them until fifth or sixth grade. I think Dr. Wong was a bit surprised at the insight some of her questions had too. Anyhow, after a while, she was ready to go. I was a bit surprised that she found a forest glade safe as well. Though, hers was moonlight. It seemed she also had issues with the tower.
"And you find yourself back in the peaceful moonlit glade. You slowly wake up." Dr. Wong waited a little while Stacy recentered herself.
"That was some experience. Nothing like the ones I described in my journals."
"That could be for two reasons Mrs. Wrangle. It could be because you're older now. But the more likely one is that the glade is totally your place of rest, while the tower was imposed on you."
"That makes sense."
"Mr. Wyman, did you notice anything about the tower this time?"
"Yea. Her descriptions of the tower itself seemed to match Karen's and what I remember myself. But her tower was in a forest too, and not above a cliff, like Karen's."
"Exactly."
"Wednesday, you indicated that you might know a reason for the towers being both similar and different. Are you willing to share now?"
"Some, yes." She said with a nod. "It's apparent, that despite his efforts to put you in towers, you all were able to insert aspects of your natural safety spot into the ones he imposed."
"Is that good?"
"Neither good nor bad really. It's more that it shows your subconscious was fighting him to some extent, which is fairly normal."
"Okay. How about the towers being so similar?"
"That's harder to explain. If you were triplets, I might have an explanation, but you're not."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, it's been demonstrated that twins sometimes seem to share events and/or know what each other are thinking. Most theories are that they know each other so well, they can guess. In any event, I'm going to keep looking to see if I can find an explanation for you."
"Thanks Doctor."
"...becoming a regular thing." continued Karen.
He looked at us. "Do you d that often?"
We looked bemused. "Do what?" I said.
This afternoon's session with Dr. Flynn was interesting. I updated her with stuff we'd found, and how fast things seemed to be moving. This was easy. What was more difficult, was when she asked if I'd been dreaming or thinking through my past memories. Because I'd been having sorta dreams or I guess dreamlettes. In any instance, when I thought about them, it was as if I were reliving points in time when I was a kid. And the next day, what had been vague memories, the day before, were clear.
"That's interesting Mr. Wyman. Why didn't you want to talk about that?"
"Well Dr. Flynn, as I remember them better, some of the feelings I had with the events seem to come back too. I guess they're just much more immediate."
"Could you give me an example perhaps?"
"Okay. Yesterday, I'd thought about my senior prom, I don't know why. I recall being made to go, even though I didn't have a date. But, that was about all that was clear in my mind. Last night, it was as if I were there. I recalled wearing one of those blue polyester tuxedos; you know those colored tuxes were really popular back then. But my mom had gotten me a carnation buttoner. I was dropped off. It was in the High School cafeteria, ‘cause the class hadn't raised enough to rent a hall, so we voted to do it in the cafeteria. The class voted to decorate it nicely, and donate the rest of the money we'd raised. Oh yea, I was talking about the prom. Well, I did my usual sitting or standing on the sideline. I did say hi to some friends from the Swim team and the math team. But get this, it seems both Karen and Stacy were there too, in nice gowns. They came with dates, but for some reason the times I saw them, they were either chatting with other girls or just watching or such. Sad really, they should have had a great time at the prom. But, in any event, I don't remember our even acknowledging each other's presence. And, this is kinda interesting in that I know I complimented everyone on the organization committee, except for Karen. And that, in retrospect seems strange."
"That's pretty detailed. You said you thought it was unusual for you to have skipped a member of the committee. Why is that?"
"Well, I remember making a point of going to find each member of the committee that was there, and saying how nice the music was, and how the decorations hid the cafeteria and made the room so much nicer. I just can't imagine refusing to tell one member that. But, that's what I did. It was as if I were avoiding Karen or something. And I don't know why."
"Did you ever have interactions with her in school?"
"Yes. I recall being assigned to a group doing a scene from 'Death of a Salesman' with her. It worked fine apparently. Hmmm. Yea, it actually did. The rest of the class said we worked well together in the scene over breakfast."
"You mentioned that you'd had some conditioning back in grade school. Something like that could have had the effect you described. I find it interesting that it was subtle enough to cause you to avoid each other most of the time, but allowed you to interact naturally when it was required. And, even more that you appeared to have completely forgotten the interaction at a later date."
"You mean that my avoiding Karen was caused by the stuff back in grade school?"
"I only said that's one explanation. You certainly didn't describe any personal reasons you might be avoiding her. So, the simplest explanation is to blame it on that."
I nodded thoughtfully at this. "Do you think that such conditioning is still in place? I mean, it was Becky that got us together, not me."
"That's possible Mr. Wyman, but you'd get a better answer from Dr. Wong I believe. On the other hand, have you found yourself avoiding either of them recently, that is, times when you were not almost forced into their presence?"
"No, I actually volunteered a couple times. We'll even be doing lunch again on Tuesday. That's twice in a row. And, I'll be with Karen again Monday to see if Dr. Wong can break the block in her memory. And, I've been with them when they've seen both Dr. Johanson and Dr. Wong so far."
"That would indicate to me that you're not avoiding them now." At my nod, "Based on that, I'd expect that the conditioning was either broken with the memory block or it has weakened or deteriorated over time."
"Hmmmm. Maybe that explains my sports. If you recall, I went from being forced to play in third and fourth grades, and playing poorly at that, to being one of the stars in fifth and sixth grades. But, I seem to have quit playing then. And the only sport I continued to have any real interest in was swimming or diving. To this day, if I watch sports, it's platform diving, gymnastics or figure skating and ice dancing. Those are a big difference from what I recall back in fifth grade."
"So you didn't follow baseball or other big sports after then?"
"Not exactly. I made a point of knowing who the big players were, and how the local teams were doing. But, I did that because it was expected mostly, and it gave me things to talk about."
"Interesting. Perhaps there was some conditioning to encourage you to play in sports but from what you describe that broke down faster. Maybe it's just a case of how much conditioning occurred. If you're curious, and it does sound like you are, you might want to talk to Dr. Wong about this and ways for you to determine what kind of conditioning you were subjected to."
"Wow, that's a good idea!"
That evening
"Well Bill, how does it feel to have your memory intact now?"
"Different Becky. Mostly it's like other distant memories, they're there, but don't come up unless something triggers me thinking about them." She nodded, "There are some differences though."
"Oh?"
"Oh, I don't mean differences in me; at least I don't think so." I looked at her questioningly and at her nod I continued. "I mean some memories are more immediate. A couple times this week, I've thought about something and got vague details. But then that night, dreaming, it's almost like I relive the event and the next morning, I can remember it in vivid detail, even feeling some of the emotions I must have felt at the time."
"That's amazing Bill. Are you still keeping that dream log Dr. Flynn had you keeping?"
"Mostly, I guess I slacked off this week." At her stern look "hey, I got my memories back, do I still need it?"
"Bill, you probably still want to confirm that things happened the way you remember don't you?"
"That's a good point. I'll be a good boy from now on!"
"There you go. Anything else?"
"I'm going to be observing Dr. Wong try to break Karen's memory block Monday morning, sort of like you did for me."
"That's actually probably good for you Bill. It was a real eye opener for me seeing you go through that." I shuddered a bit in memory.
"Watching her find her safe spot this week was an eye opener too. Oh, did I remember to tell you that we all had towers, but our towers were in places that were or could have been near our own safe spots."
"What did Dr. Wong have to say about that?"
"She said she wasn't really sure. But that if we were triplets, it could have been some thing like they seem to do in sharing thoughts and such. But we aren't. She's still doing some checking."
"Okay Bill. Be careful!"
"I will. I hope the PI gets back to us soon. I'd like to know what's going on there."
"You and me both Bill, you and me both."
Monday morning
"Hello Ms. Stewart, Mr. Wyman."
"Hi Dr. Wong."
"Do either of you have anything we need to go over before we start?"
"Not now, but I've a few questions I'd like to talk about after we get done."
"That's fine Mr. Wyman. Let's head into the room." once we got there "Now, Ms. Stewart, I'm going to hook you up to these vital statistics monitors, so I can keep track of any stress you may be under that isn't showing in your face or body expression. It's just a precaution. With Mr. Wyman there was little need for it, and I don't anticipate it for you either. I just would rather be safe than sorry."
"I understand. Besides it's my head you'll be mucking with."
"Exactly. If I see you undergoing a significant amount of stress, we'll ease up and let you recover and try again or try a different route."
"Thanks Doctor."
Wow, if I went through that wringer, I understand why I was so exhausted. And to think what happened was to find one particular class session where he locked a bunch of previous, instructions I guess is the word, directions he'd given over weeks. And then, to find a trigger to release the key. Wow.
"How are you feeling Ms. Stewart?"
"Like I'd been wrung out and hung up to dry. I don't ever recall feeling so tired."
"Okay, how about we see how we did. Do you recall your graduation day?"
"It was a bit chilly. I recall the wind blowing my gown and skirt when I was trying to give my speech. The clouds were helpful, in that I didn't have to worry about the glare. And, the rain held off until that night!"
"Good. How about Mr. Wyman's fifth birthday party?"
"Hmmmm. That would have been the one where Stacy and I gave Leslie the Bozo the Clown."
"Well, looks like you can remember that as well."
"Oh my yes." she turned to me, "Sorry about calling you Leslie there."
"Don't worry about it Karen, it is actually still my name."
"Now, Mr. Wyman I believe you said you had some questions?"
"Yes, I was thinking about our senior prom, and realized I'd avoided both Karen and Stacy during the dance. But at another point in a drama class, Karen and I did the kitchen scene from 'Death of a Salesman', and we apparently interacted fine there."
"I remember that now!"
I nodded at Karen and continued. "Dr. Flynn said that sounded like very subtle conditioning. Having us avoid each other most of the time, but then able to interact normally when forced into situations where we had to."
"That is interesting Mr. Wyman."
"What I was wondering was whether you thought there were any more surprises like that hiding in my, or our, head."
"Hmmmm. That's a good question. Since you've apparently been continuing to deal with Ms. Stewart and Mrs. Wrangle, it's likely that the conditioning that made that difficult in the past is no longer in effect. And, if that one is gone, it's likely the rest are as well."
"Is there any way to determine this?"
"Let me do a little research and get back to you on that. I have some ideas that might let us determine that."
"Thanks, the idea I might have some hidden compulsion is a little disturbing."
"As it should be." Then to the two of us "Is there anything else?"
To which we responded at the same time "I don't think so." Karen and I looked at each other and laughed at the coincidence. "You know Karen, back in school one of us might have said 'Jinx' and the other would owe a forfeit."
"I don't think that applies any more Bill. The kids are saying different things these days. A few years ago it was 'psyche'."
"I didn't think it applied, just our answering the doc together somehow reminded me of what kids used to do in that situation."
"Okay Bill. I can't wait to tell Stacy how well this worked."
"Shall we both meet her at the Hospital?"
"I was thinking that. She's got to be nervous, and it helped me that the two of you were there when I started. I hope my hole heals as fast as yours did. I keep hitting the bandage when I brush my hair."
That afternoon
"Hi Stacy, surprise!" I said, as I saw her walking into the lobby.
"Bill, what are you doing here? Nothing wrong I hope?"
"Nope, just making sure you get settled fine. Ah, there's Karen."
"Sorry guys. Got stuck in traffic."
"Karen, don't tell me you're here just to get me settled too."
"Well, of course. We couldn't let our sister do it all alone, could we?"
"Sister?"
"Oh, sorry. Something I remembered over lunch from when we were kids together."
"All right then. Sounds nice, but you two didn't have to do this. I'm a grown up now you know."
"Of course you are. I just remembered how much I appreciated you and Bill being there when I went down, and we thought we'd continue the favor."
"Okay then. But you two do NOT show up this evening too! I'll see you at lunch tomorrow!"
"To hear is to obey." I said with a flourish, really hamming it up. They both laughed a bit at that.
"Oh Bill, it's nice to see you haven't lost your gift of improv and the absurd."
"I'm honored at your gracious compliment of my modest abilities." I continued the gag a little longer.
"This is too much." Stacy said laughing. "I'll be fine, you two run along now. But thanks. This really lightened things up form me. I guess I was feeling a bit morbid."
"No problem Stacy, it's the least we could do, right Bill?"
"Of course. We'll see you at lunch tomorrow Stacy."
With that, she finished checking in and Karen and I headed out. "Sisters huh, I'd forgotten that until you mentioned it Karen."
"Yea, it's strange how things trigger memories now, when a week ago, nothing would have happened."
"I guess we'd better get used to it. Do you think Stacy'll go through the wringer too?"
"Eventually, she's the one that came up with the ways we avoided his directions so many times you know. I think it bothered Stacy more than it did us somehow."
I nodded at Karen's response. "Yea, she realized he was evil before we did, that's for sure."
Tuesday noon
"Hi Stacy, I see you're sporting the latest in skin decorations."
"Bill, what ever do you mean?" She looked at me quizzically and I pointed at the back of my neck and she got it.
"Well, of course, now that you mention it. Quite a trend you started you know. I just hope mine heals as fast as yours did. I told them at work I was having a cyst removed."
"What a good idea. Somehow, I don't thing general discussion of what happened to us way back then is the best idea."
"That was my thought as well Bill. Karen was coming wasn't she?"
"Yea, but she's almost always a little late, except where her music and theatre are concerned."
Stacy looked at me. "Another memory?"
"Um. Yea. Ahh, here she comes now."
"Hi Karen, nice of you to join us."
"Bill, I'm not that late, what two minutes. You two are just always early!"
"I take it the memory breakthrough really worked yesterday Karen."
"Oops. Yea it did Stacy. It was a LOT of work. I felt like I'd been pulled through a wringer when that session was over. But, I think it was worth it."
"Shall we go in ladies?"
"Yes, that hospital breakfast was not great, and it was a long time ago."
With that, we went in.
"Back again Sir, ladies?"
"Yes George is it." At his nod, "I think this is..."
"...becoming a regular thing." continued Karen.
He looked at us. "Do you d that often?"
We looked bemused. "Do what?" I said.
"Never mind. Do you want the same table this week? I believe it's available."
"Sure."
"So, how was your capsule Stacy?"
"The doc said it was in about the same condition yours was Karen. I'm hoping that is a good sign for recovery. Now, tell me some more about what you went through yesterday."
Karen went over what she recalled from the session and I provided my perspective. Somewhere in there, we ate as well. The conversation was so fascinating; I don't recall what it was.
"So Stacy, what do you think?"
"Will you get your memory block removed?
"I know it's a lot of work, but..."
"...it's worth the effort! You'll find yourself..."
"... remembering things at the strangest time."
"Would you two stop that?"
At the same time, we said "huh" and then looked at each other and back at Stacy.
"What were we doing?"
"Bill, you were finishing each other's sentences."
"We were?"
"You're right," Karen said. "We were Bill. That's creepy!"
I nodded. "It is a bit." I acknowledged. "But Stacy that doesn't change the question; do you think you'll go through the wringer too?"
"Right now, I'm leaning that way. How about I give you a call later in the week if I decide to go through with it."
"Okay."
"Next week, same time?"
"Sounds good to me. How about you Stacy?"
"Well, if you quit finishing each other's sentences! No, of course I'll be here. See you then!"
"Nick, it actually started with my missing memory. We've found out what caused it. And a person did it."
"What? You're talking something criminal now Bill."
"Bill, Jane sent us a preliminary report, and her cover letter said she has a lead that might let her get the rest of the information she’s sure is to be found." She handed me the report at this.
"Wow Becky. What she's found is pretty interesting. It's obvious how he got access to the school now, and why they didn't think anything unusual was going on in the class. While I'm glad we were the only kids at our school involved, it concerns me about how many other kids were involved in the classes."
"Me too Bill. I don't think something like that could happen today, with all the extra checks and balances in place just to protect the schools. What I find most interesting are the holes in the report."
"You mean like what happened to him and what happened to the other kids?"
"Yes. While your school still had records of who you were, the other schools records of the classes have been purged."
"I wonder what happened to all of them, and him for that matter. Even this much later, I think he needs to be prosecuted!"
"I'm not sure why the docs haven't reported anything yet, to be quite honest. Unless they all assume someone else reported it." her voice trailed off at the end. "Bill, I think we should talk to Nick about this don't you? He'd know who to contact."
I nodded at the obviousness of that. "Good point and he's known us long enough to know we're not crackpots. I mean, would you believe any of this if you hadn't been there the whole time?"
"No, you're right there Bill. Why don't you see if you can get some of his time, off the record as it were?"
I nodded. "That's a good idea. To some extent, he started me on the trip to finding my memory."
"That's right; he's the one that drug you off to talk to Flo at the party. I'd be curious to hear his take on some of this."
The next morning
"Lieutenant Popodoculas' office, may I help you?"
"Yes, this is a friend of his, Bill Wyman. Is the Lieutenant available for a few minutes?"
"Let me see if he's available right now sir, one moment please."
"Hello Bill, how're you doing fella?"
"Okay Nick, I was wondering if you were going to get time for lunch today."
"Bill, what's this? You never try to get me out for lunch. Is something up?"
"Maybe, recall Becky asking you about a PI a few weeks ago?"
"Yea, is this related?"
"Maybe Nick. I've got some questions if you're able to get out."
"Let's see. Hmmm. Yea, I think I can make it out for a bit. How about I meet you at Carmine's at a quarter of noon?"
"I'll see you there Nick. Thanks!"
At Lunch
"Bill, how've you been?"
"Okay. Nick, thanks for seeing me on such short notice."
"You sounded a little bit stressed. In any event, it's been a while since we had a chance to catch up. It's not like we had much time at the Stevens' party."
"No, and it's actually related to what we talked about at the party in a strange sort of way."
"You've got to be kidding. Let's get some food and you can explain how one of Shelly's parties might cause you to be asking for my help. You know I won't participate in practical jokes any more."
"Of course not Nick. Once when you were a patrolman was enough, though you will admit that the expression on Flo's face was worth the gag."
"Maybe."
We made small talk, about kids and paying for college and such while we ordered and waited for our lunches to show up.
"Okay Bill, what's this all about?"
"Nick, it actually started with my missing memory. We've found out what caused it. And a person did it."
"What? You're talking something criminal now Bill."
"Maybe so Nick, that's sorta what I'm asking you about." I went on and described the high points of what we'd found out, including the fact that Ms. Dickenson hadn't been able to find any traces of the doctor.
"Well Bill, if you'd brought this to me officially; I'd have no choice but open an investigation. As it stands, you have two choices as I see it. The first is to make the complaint officially. Then, we'd do an investigation and be interviewing people all over, and an awful lot of details will end up in the public eye, in all likelihood, seeing as how it hits the school district and potentially so much else. In addition, it's possible that since it appears to have happened about 40 years ago, it’s very likely that even if we can verify everything you've told me, we still couldn't prosecute, assuming we could find the perpetrator. Your other choice is to let Jane do her thing. She's one of the best detectives I've ever known, and only left the force about 15 years ago due to politics. If the information is there to be found she'll find it. She can also go places and do things we can't do wearing a badge. Of course, even if you go this route you can make things official if needed."
"Thanks Nick. I'd no idea she was that good."
"She's better than that really Bill. I know the FBI was recruiting her before she left the force, and as far as I know, they've not really stopped. I'll also get word to her that if she needs any of our resources on the QT, they'll be available."
"I really appreciate this Nick."
"Just let me know how things turn out, okay?"
"Sure."
Friday afternoon
Well, that was easier than I'd expected. I'm not sure why, but I keep expecting to have my mind stretched, or notions challenged. I guess it's happened some times, but today we just talked. She thought it was good that Karen had gotten her memories back. Oh - I forgot to mention the completing sentences bit. Well, that's probably not important. I wonder if Becky's heard anything more from Ms. Dickenson. That'd be awesome.
That evening
"Becky, anything new from Jane Dickenson?"
"No, I really didn't expect anything else this week. I didn't have time to talk to you on Wednesday. What did Nick have to say?"
"Well, we've two choices, go the official route, where it's likely to get blown sky high in the public, even though the crime was committed so long ago nothing would likely be done. He even indicated that there's a chance that no crime was committed based on laws back then."
"That's horrible Bill! What's the other option?"
"He said we could continue down the private path, and that Jane's probably the best detective he's ever known."
"Okay. I guess since you're telling me this, you've decided at least for now to go with plan B."
"I think so. We're all recovering and while I'd like to nail the guy, without more names, there's no immediate action we can take. I'd rather not get the school in trouble at this late date. I believe they were probably acting in what they believed was our best interest. And, we did end up doing pretty well in school."
"There is that. Okay, lets wait for Jane's next report."
Monday morning
"Well Bill, I guess I'm going to do this now. I just hope the impact isn't to painful."
"When I did it, pain wasn't the issue, mostly I was tired."
"Oh, I don't mean physically. It's more mental pain I'm worried about. I'm wondering the effect all those memories will have, and how they'll impact me on a day by day basis. I've been reading my journals Bill, and there's more there than I ever expected. To read some of my teen journals, I think it's a wonder Tim ever asked me to go out in college, much less asked me to marry him."
"I'm so sorry Stacy. You were always the quietest of the three of us as I think back. Though knowing how much my family has meant to me, I'm sure you'd not have avoided, did you say Tim?"
"Of course not! But, it's things like that. You now remember me. I'm wondering what I'll remember that bothers me."
"Stacy, it is your decision. So far, I've not recalled anything I couldn't deal with. There are some things that have disturbed me a little, but no real surprises. The biggest surprise was hearing about our summer together from my Aunt Rachel." Stacy nodded, I guess she'd read her diaries about the time again as well. "But other things have been much less disturbing. Here's an example. At our prom, I made a point of congratulating every member of the decorations committee except one person." She looked at me a little strangely.
"Why one Bill?"
"It was Karen. And, as I recall it now, it was like I was avoiding her." Best not say I was avoiding Stacy too right now. She'll probably recall soon anyway, and then we can talk. "Let's go on in Stacy. I don't know about you, but it's getting chilly out here."
"Okay Bill."
Stacy's session was a little different from Karen’s. It was almost as if she had been weakening the compulsions herself. Hmm. I wonder if all of her journal reading actually helped here. I wonder what Dr. Wong's going to ask her to confirm to her that her memories are back. I suspect graduation won't be all that useful, as she probably documented that well in her journals.
"How are you feeling now Mrs. Wrangle?"
"I'm tired, but I don't feel as wiped out as Bill and Karen had lead me to believe."
"It was a little different. You seemed to be helping me more than they were able to, almost as if your subconscious was aware of what we were trying to do and was chipping away from the other side."
"That's good, I think."
"I do. It's an hint that maybe you'll find it easier to assimilate your memories than your friends." Turning to me she continued. "You haven't been having any problems have you?"
"I wouldn't call them problems but there is one strange bit."
"Really?"
"Last week at lunch, Karen and I finished each other's sentences two different times. The first might have been a coincidence. But the second Stacy made a note of."
"Hmmm. Are you sure the three of you are not related?"
I looked at Stacy. "Not to the best of my knowledge. Why?"
"Well, that and several other things you've mentioned seem to only normally happen with twins, triplets and the like. I'll keep looking." She turned back to Stacy. "Well, I believe you were keeping journals or diaries starting in about fourth grade, right?" At Stacy's nod, she continued. "Have you been looking back over the old ones recently?"
"Yes I have. Both to look for clues as to what happened, but also to see what all I'd forgotten. I found a pattern though."
"You did?"
"Yes, I seemed to mention Bill and Karen periodically in my journals, but didn't remember the events. On the other hand, when I mentioned other folks, I could usually put a face to the name if I thought, and some of the events were very clear in my memories."
"Well, that's consistent with what Mr. Wyman and Ms. Stewart reported. Do you recall Mr. Wyman's five year old birthday party?"
"I'm not sure. Wait, yes I do. That's the one Karen and I gave Lee her Bozo the Clown! We didn't want to, but our mommies wanted us to."
I looked at her a little strangely. "Mrs. Wrangle, think about what you just said."
"I said that Karen and I gave Bill a clown and that our..." her voice dropped off at that. "No, I said Lee and I called him a her. That's what you mean wasn't it?"
"Yes. You might want to think about it a little. But, I think you'll agree that you remember things. You're welcome to come back and talk to me if you need to."
"Thank you doctor."
A little while later over a cup of coffee
"Sorry about that slipup Bill."
"No, it's what you remembered, and it is in line with a lot of other things like that summer between fourth and fifth grade."
"That was a wonderful summer Bill. I wonder how things would have turned out if he hadn't interfered."
"I really don't know Stacy. I just don't know. I wouldn't change it now mind you. I love Becky and the kids!"
"That's obvious Bill, you've a real close family! It's very lucky. I just wish Karen had been able to have a family too."
"I think she's used the kids in the shows as a surrogate family Stacy."
"Maybe, but it's not the same. Maybe we can help."
"That's a thought."
Tuesday morning
"Hi kiddo. Ready to go?"
"Sure dad. I'm really glad exams were over early this year! I'd hate to still be here on the 22nd like some kids."
"I hear that, let's load up and get on the road." Ruth and I made a quick time of getting what she was bringing home for the holidays into the car, and we were off in good time.
"Dad, how come you're down here so early this year? You usually show up and we do lunch before hitting the road."
"I've other plans for lunch kiddo."
"Oh?"
I decided to pull her leg a bit. "Yes, I've actually got a date."
"You and mom going out for lunch dad. What's unusual about that?"
"Oh, not your mom." I heard her take a sharp breath, and figure that was probably almost enough. "Well, actually with two very nice ladies."
"Two." I could almost hear her mind making the connection. "You're seeing the two friends from your childhood, aren't you dad."
"Got it in one. We've been meeting for lunch on Tuesdays since we met the first time with your mother's help."
"That's neat dad. What do you have in common after all these years?"
"You mean besides the fact we were all missing memories of the same period?"
"Ummm, yea dad."
"Well, we all have similar holes in the backs of our heads."
"All of you! How much more has been going on at home in the past few weeks?"
"Oh, this and that. Your mother and I didn't want to disturb you while you were finishing up your paper and studying for finals, since things were going more smoothly than one might have expected." I went on to briefly go over many of the things we'd learned, and also what Jane Dickenson had had to say in her preliminary report.
"Wow dad, that is all very amazing. It might also at least partially explain why that guy never published anything else. I wonder what happened to him. More, I wonder who the other kids were, and what happened to them."
"So do we Ruth."
"So, how goes the memory searches. I've noticed you haven't needed me to come relieve mom for any more memory sessions. How've they been going?"
"They're not needed any more."
"You got your memories back?"
"Yes. Seems like all of them."
"So, you really remember all that happened?"
I went on to describe how it seemed to work, and the periodic dreams that seemed to fill in details.
"That's amazing dad. I really feel like I've missed a lot here."
"Well, that happened two weeks ago yesterday. The last two weeks, Karen and Stacy have gotten their memories back too."
"That's just amazing dad."
"You'll get a chuckle out of your brother's reaction to the hole in the back of my head."
"I bet he wanted to see how big it was."
"Almost, he asked if he could put his finger in there."
"Gross!"
"Pretty much, but this is your brother we're talking about. And, you were not told, because I was out of surgery and healing before anyone but your mother knew. And, as you see, I'm fine now."
"Okay dad. I guess I'll accept it this time, but in the future, please tell me, even durring finals. Please?"
"We will Ruth. Sorry about this time. We didn't intend to hurt you by leaving you out."
"I understand dad."
I looked up at her, something didn't sound quite right. "Becky?" I asked her questioningly.
"It's a little disturbing Bill. Here, you read it."
"Hi Stacy."
"Got here a little early this week I see, Bill."
"Hey, I didn't want to be accused of being late again!" I could see her smile at that, "And, look, here comes Karen. She's early too!"
"Why, so she is."
"Hi Karen" we said in unison, and then looked at each other and laughed.
"Coincidence, right?"
"Of course Stacy."
"You two. What are you worried about?"
"I don't know..."
"...I was just remembering things."
Karen looked back and forth at us and shrugged. "I don't know about you two, but I'm hungry!"
"Well, let's go on in."
"If it means we get along better, it's a good thing, don't you think?" Stacy said.
“Welcome sir, ladies. Your usual table?”
“Yes, thank you.” we all said
He didn’t blink, as led us to the same table we’d had the last two weeks. “Your waiter will be with your shortly.”
We thanked the host and sat down. "That was..."
"...kind of silly. ..."
"...Don't you think?"
We looked at each other. "That didn't just happen." and we all stopped talking, and just looked at each other.
Stacy raised a hand. "That was just way too creepy guys. I think we need to try to avoid weirdness like that." to which Karen and I nodded our agreement.
The rest of the meal was more normal. Okay not completely normal, but more so. I was, and I know they were both slightly disconcerted by this side effect, but we were all getting used to it a bit.
"Despite the strangeness at times, it was really fun talking about our memories."
"That's for sure Bill! We have so much to explore!"
"I think we should continue! Don't you Stacy?"
"You bet. Bill, do you think you can break free of your family next week? I know it's the day after Christmas and all."
"The day after, that shouldn't be to too big a problem Stacy. We usually hang around at home and such. None of my girls are real shop-a-holics. Why, you think we should get together again?"
"If you're willing, Bill. Despite the strangeness, this has been one of the most fun days I've had in quite a while."
"I can't second that more Stacy. This was wonderful."
"What can I say? I've enjoyed this as well. Let me check with Becky, but unless something's planned, I don't know about I'm sure this is fine.
“Will we be seeing you again next week?”
“I do believe so.”
“Good day then, sir, ladies.”
Friday afternoon
"Merry Christmas, Doc."
"A little early aren't we Mr. Wyman?"
"I know, but not much, and I'm happy."
"That's nice to see. What brings this mood on, besides the season?"
"I've got a wonderful family and we're all at home for the holidays. I've got my memories back, I've gotten rid of something in my head that shouldn't have been there, I've found two wonderful friends again. What's not to like?"
"That does sound like a lot to be thankful for. Have there been any problems recently?'
That punctured my bubble a little. I figured I should mention the disconcerting bit about how we talked... "Well, not a problem per say."
"But something, right?"
"Yeah. Too often for it just to be a coincidence, we've been saying the same thing, at the same time. And, another thing. We sometimes complete each other's sentences."
"That sounds a little unusual, but coincidences happen, and I'm sure there are times you can complete your wife's sentence, or vice versa."
"That's true, but not like it's a big conversation and only once in a while. After all, Becky and I've been married almost three decades now. We should know each other to some extent! Here's an example, this past Tuesday at lunch, we actually had to work a bit to NOT be finishing each other's sentences! And the poor man that took us to our table. I'm sure he thinks we must be crazy or trying to drive him there."
"It's most likely coincidence, but it could be a side effect of you all getting your memories back at the same time. Maybe your minds are just running on over drive and are picking up extra queues. If that's it, you'll find it slacks off as you grow more accustomed to your recovered memories."
"That's good to hear. While it's not really uncomfortable for us, heck, sometimes we don't even notice it, it must be disturbing to those around us."
"It probably is, if it's excessive. A small bit here and there, most will chalk up to coincidence or lucky guesses."
"Thanks for the reassurance."
"You're welcome. If it persists and becomes something that disturbs you, maybe we can find a way to deal with it, but for now, I wouldn't worry about it. It doesn't seem to be disturbing you, from your easy in describing it almost as an afterthought."
"I guess it's not. It's more surprise, I guess."
We discussed a bit more, but little of importance I guess. She reminded me that she was off next week, but available by phone in an emergency.
That evening
"Bill, the final report came in from Jane this afternoon."
I looked up at her, something didn't sound quite right. "Becky?" I asked her questioningly.
"It's a little disturbing Bill. Here, you read it."
I read it. "That makes sense." I continued reading, making editorial comments as I went. "Wow Becky. That's amazing. I bet there's a long story behind her hunt for that information."
Becky nodded at that. "It also explains a lot."
"Yeah, it does at that."
"So, how was your lunch Tuesday? You never said, though I'm assuming it went well. You've certainly been happier since then."
Okay, I can recognize a topic change with the best of them, but I needed to get here anyway. "It was amazing Becky. We talked about things from our childhood. It was a bit strange though." There, I'd said it.
"How so?"
"We were all completing each other's sentences, except when we took pains to avoid it. We even responded to the host’s questions at the same time. It was a bit freaky."
"I bet you were all just really excited Bill. Except when you've been brooding over what if's with your memory thing, you've been happier since you got your memory back."
"I guess I have at that. Dr. Flynn noticed that today too. I was almost bubbly at the beginning of the session. Oh, I just remembered. Do we have anything planned for mid-day on Tuesday? I know we don't normally, but I wanted to check."
"No Bill, I always do my best to keep the day after Christmas as a down day for all of us, and this year's no exception. Let me guess, you're meeting your new old friends again."
"Got it in one. They're both probably pretty lonely this time of the year, and since we got on, I figured lunch would be a nice thing to do on my part. Besides, it has been fun."
"Of course Bill." Becky was thoughtful, and then said. "Bill, do you think they'd join us for Christmas Dinner?"
I looked at Becky in surprise. "Are you sure?"
"Why not Bill? They're nice, and we do have the room."
"Okay Becky. I certainly don't mind, if you don't."
"I'd not have brought it up if I didn't mean it." She looked over at the clock. "You can get them tonight if you get a move on it mister."
"I'm going, I'm going."
I bit later, I returned, with a bemused smile on my face.
"They both accepted, didn't they?"
I nodded. "They even asked what the kids liked. I suspect the kids will be getting a second set of presents."
"I told you they were nice. It'll be good having them over. I'd like the opportunity to see more of these ladies that have stolen my husband for lunch so many times!" she said with a laugh.
Monday mid day (Christmas day)
"Karen, Stacy, how nice that you were able to come."
"Thanks" they said in unison, looked at each other and giggled.
Stacy recovered first. "Thanks Becky. I'm afraid that's been happening when we get together."
"So Bill has led me to believe. I'm sure you'll work it out."
"I really want to thank you for inviting me Becky. It's been lonely at Christmas the past few years."
"I do too. With all the things going on, I decided to not fly south to be with my parents for the holidays. They moved down there in retirement. My dad was saying something about not needing to shovel snow any more..."
They all laughed at that, as this appeared to be yet another non-white Christmas. I came up behind Becky and gave her a hug. "Hi, glad you could make it." Then I took their coats. Come on in.
"You have such a..."
"...lovely home, Bill." I looked back at that, and shrugged. I guess we'd either get used to it, or figure out how to deal with it. The dinner went really well. Karen and Stacy got along fine with Ruth and Becky. They also did better with Craig than I'd expected. I guess it's Stacy's experience bringing up a boy and Karen's interactions with the actors and musicians. Ginny was quiet most of the time, but did laugh at the times we answered together or did our sentence sharing.
Once dinner was over, and plates cleared, "We usually do dessert after we recover a bit."
"That's quite all right. I don't think I could eat anything more now." Stacy said, and looked at Karen who nodded. "We need to get something from my car Bill." I got up and got their coats. They returned with a number of boxes, and I knew my guess about a second Christmas was going to happen.
"Before you get into that Karen and Stacy, Becky got the final report from the PI. I thought you might want to look it over while things are quiet now." They agreed, leaving the boxes by our tree. "We can use my office." I didn't notice Ruth following along, but I probably should have guessed she'd be there too.
"I made you each a copy, so you could take it with you. Why don't you have a quick read?"
Ruth poked her head in the door. "Dad, can I read it too?"
I don't know if that surprised them or not. "I don't see why not Ruth. You already know a bit. And, it might explain that visit you got when you were researching your paper." She gave me a strange look then.
|
"You were right dad. Maybe I should talk to this PI."
"Your mom has the contact info, now let them finish."
"Oh, we're done." came from Karen and Stacy.
"I'm glad we don't have to worry about finding the other kids."
"Most definitely Karen. I just wish our records hadn't been missed forty years ago, when things were being fixed. I wonder how things would have worked out, had we been found."
"Stacy, I thought that as well, but despite her not saying when in the report, I suspect we'd been 'discarded' at least year before he was discovered." At her questioning look I continued. "I've had longer to think about it, but remember he published a second paper and there was that number discrepancy?" I saw them all nod. "Well, I'd be willing to bet a LOT that her suspicions are correct and we were that missing group and that he destroyed the journal after 'hiding' us, not wanting to admit he'd failed."
You know, that..."
"...makes a lot of sense."
"What do you..."
"...think he was trying..."
"... to achieve with..."
"... his research?"
"I think he had..."
"...more than one goal."
"True. He was obviously..."
"...working on instilling teamwork..."
"...that can be deduced from the papers..."
"...and the numbers of kids..."
"...as well as the results with us."
This went on for quite a while with each of us continuing where the other had left off. We decided that the most likely cause of dropping us from his study was my apparent transgenderism, and our ability to avoid his directions occasionally. We finally slowed down our chatting after what must have been 15-20 minutes.
"Wow dad, you guys are amazing."
All three of us jerked at that. "Sorry Ruth. I guess we forgot you were here."
"No kidding. I've never seen anyone brainstorm like that before! You covered so much territory so quickly. You looked at options and discarded unviable ones so fast that I almost couldn't follow you. And, your conclusions really hang together well."
"Ruth, I think it'd be a good idea for you to not mention what you just saw to too many people." Karen and Stacy nodded at that.
"No kidding, dad. Besides, nobody would believe me. You folks better learn to not do that when others are around though. Talk about freaky. Wow."
"How about we head back, so Karen and Stacy can play Santa. Okay?"
"Sure dad. And I won't say anything to Ginny either."
"Probably a good idea, though from what I've seen in the past few weeks It's likely that I’ll have to explain some of this to her fairly soon. She's almost as observant as you are. I think the only reason she didn't follow us out here was that she was helping your mom in the kitchen and didn't see us head back here."
"Wow dad. She's growing up fast!" I nodded my agreement.
We rejoined the rest, and when Becky saw Ruth coming back with the three of us she shook her head and I knew she was aware that Ruth was now in the know again. The family gathered in the living room, for the gift distribution. The kids were amazed at the insight they showed in their gifts. Craig couldn't believe that they'd found that game; it'd been out of stock for the past few weeks, but apparently Stacy had some connections. Ruth and Ginny were equally happy with their gifts. I think that Becky was surprised at the theatre tickets, but I knew the two of us would have a great time.
"Bill, Karen and I wanted something special for you, both for what you've done for us in the past weeks, and for the friendship we feel is reforming. There was a gift we'd planned on giving you for Christmas following our summer with your aunt Rachel. As we didn't get a chance to then, we wanted to make up for it now. The first part of the gift is a framed picture my parents had of the Top Three in our class. I gave Karen her copy yesterday, and we wanted you to have a copy too. The rest of the present is an updated version of what we would have given you back in fourth grade had we been able to. We figure, if nothing else, you can use it for Halloween."
To say I was a little uncomfortable with this is putting it mildly, but, I opened the box, and on the top was the picture as stated. It was actually pretty good, and I showed it to my family. There stood Karen, Stacy and me in our caps and gowns. I recall the picture being taken now, but I'd forgotten all about it until they shared it with me. I thanked them profusely and showed the family the picture. The rest of the package was pretty big... As I opened it, I was perplexed at first, then suddenly I understood. I didn't pull the gown out then, but I knew eventually I would, and I hoped Becky would understand and be accepting. I couldn't say anything I was so overcome. Becky looked into the box, and then looked at me, and nodded. I guess she understood more than I'd thought. I certainly hoped so.
Epilogue
The next decade was eventful for the Wymans. Bill and Becky became closer than ever, primarily as a result of their talking more than they had in the past. This became a habit during the memory search and continued over the years. Bill continued therapy for another six months, coming to terms with who he perceived himself to have been and who he was today. He understood that he may be/have been a transsexual, but that did not change who he was today. He recognized that clothing didn't make a person, it was something inside. Actually understanding this and his past went a long way to address some issues he had had, and that had disturbed Becky as well. Bill never went back to using his given name, as he put it "I've put forty years into training folks to know me by Bill. If I'm going to look the same, I may as well go by the same name."
Bill, Stacy and Karen became very close friends, and more often than not, Becky was included in their group. Doing things as a foursome became more common after the first few exploratory years. After an initial bout of almost mind-reading, the three began to be more very close friends that were able to anticipate each other's feelings and thoughts rather than more, at least when anyone else was around. The kids adopted Stacy and Karen as surrogate aunts, and both were regularly with the Wymans for most family events, and even some extended vacations.
Ruth continued her studies into paired training, first to complete her bachelors with honors, and then later to go on to her doctorate. Her teaching techniques showed that the top percentile of students actually benefitted from paired studying and training, even when their study areas were widely divergent. Early research targeted college students, but later research continued to younger students. Additional studies looked at more average students, as well as mixed skill levels. All studies seemed to confirm that the approach was most effective with highly intelligent students. Teams of mixed intelligence tended to become leader/follower relationships, though it was inconsistent which kid was the leader and which the follower. The longest running pairs have been together for six years now. Further studies are planned to observe the long term affects of learning in this way.
Ruth remains close to her father. They continue to chat regularly via IM at odd hours, as well as in person and via phone. They talk over far ranging issues from her research, to politics, to his past and where they both are in their lives. Ruth has many friends, but none are what one would consider close. Seems she's looking for someone she can be as close to as her parents are and as Bill is with his refound friends, and she's not had much luck. Being a new aunt has reminded her that the clock is ticking and she's considering going it alone. If she does, she knows the kids will have four grandparents anyway.
Craig completed High School, and went to college in another state on a track scholarship. He's a CPA and married. Recently he and his wife gave the family their first grandson. They named him after his Grandpa, "Bill". Bill, Becky, Karen and Stacy spoil the little fellow every chance they get, though this isn't as often as they'd like with Craig living so far away.
Ginny is currently in college. She currently seems most interested in the physics or electrical engineering, but admits this is subject to change. She does still talk about becoming a mission specialist for NASA in their ongoing activities and brags she'll be the first woman on Mars. So far, no steady boyfriend is on the horizon.
Where will things go? Time will tell.