Mirror mirror
Chapter 1
Norman Anderson first realized something was wrong when he looked in the mirror.
He’d glanced at it as he was getting out of bed, and something about the image got his attention enough that he carefully walked toward it.
It was a large mirror that hung on his bedroom door, a heirloom of his parent’s he had not been able to part with, but as he approached the wrongness only got worse.
Instead of the average male 20-year-old image he normally saw, it was showing him the image of a young woman.
He waved, she waved back, he wiggled his fingers, so did she, no matter what he did she did the same.
For a moment he thought of an old movie starring Groucho Marx, where he posed as another man, and when the man saw him in a doorway he thought he was looking in a mirror. So Norman reached out and touched the mirror, and it felt reassuringly solid, the only odd thing was the nail on the finger on the image before him was on a slimmer finger.
Suddenly, Norman’s bladder woke, so he opened the door, and went down the hall to his small bathroom.
It wasn’t until he was finished that he realized he had sat down ...
He went to the sink to wash his hands, and sure enough, the girl was in the mirror in the bathroom too. Once he dried his hands, he went back to his bedroom to get dressed. He slipped off his pjs, and grabbed some clothes, a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, out of a laundry basket. When he looked at himself, he saw his normal self, but whenever he looked up at the mirror on the door, he saw a pretty girl imitating everything he was doing.
He went to his small kitchen, grabbed a bowl and poured some cereal. He ate quickly, downed a glass of orange juice, and grabbed a bookbag that was hanging on the back of a chair that had a laptop on a table in front of it. He quickly checked the bag to make sure everything he would need was in it, and went to the door. He put on a light spring jacket and slipped into a pair of runners and went out the door.
Norman’s basement suite had its own entrance, so he could slip out to the alley without waking his landlords, which he did, and then he began hurrying down the alley toward the University. One of the reasons he had taken this suite was because of it being only five blocks from campus, close enough that he could walk it without much trouble most days. The business with the mirror had put him behind schedule, but he felt that with a quicker pace he would still be close to his usual time getting to the campus. As a rule, he liked to arrive at least fifteen minutes before his class started so he could get his pick of seats in the large classroom, and even though he ended up a few minutes behind that, he was still able to grab his favorite spot - second row, right at the end. He pulled a notebook and a pen out of his bag, and began re-reading his notes from yesterday, trying to put the strangeness of the morning behind him.
Soon, the professor arrived, the class began, and Norman was able to focus on the lesson and take notes. Once the class was over, he put his stuff away quickly, and hurried out into the hallway going toward his next class. The University schedule allowed fifteen minutes between classes, and sometimes Norman needed most of them just to get to his destination.
The next class passed without incident, as did the next one, and then Norman remembered why he hadn’t packed a lunch for today - he was supposed to meet two of his classmates from his Drama class in the smaller of the two main cafeterias. So he walked as quickly as he could manage to the cafeteria, but when he arrived he saw that the others had beaten him there. James was securing a table, while Nancy waved to Norman when she saw him enter.
Norman went over to them, sat down his bag, and said his hellos before excusing himself to grab a taco and pay for it. He came back to the table, and James and Nancy began to talk about the project they had been assigned in the class, which was to act out a short scene from the play of their choice. Norman had no illusions about being an actor, he had taken the class in part so he could have a backup in case his main goal, to be a teacher of history, got somehow sidetracked.
At first, Norman didn’t contribute much to the discussion, instead concentrating on his food, but eventually he relaxed enough to ask some questions and even make a suggestion or two. After a half-hour, he looked at his watch, and excused himself to, as he put it, “wash my hands before my next class.” He ran to the closest washroom, and had just finished when he heard Nancy saying “Wait up, Norma.”, as she entered the washroom.
Her voice was like a thunderclap during the night. Norman started, and looked around the washroom. Immediately, he saw what was missing - no urinals. He’d gone into the women’s washroom, and not even realized it.
He turned to Nancy just in time to hear her say , “Norma, we need to talk ...”
*****
Mirror Mirror - Chapter 2
Norman spent a moment wondering how he could explain his presence here in a woman’s washroom, but then he realized there was nothing he could do but apologize for the mistake.
So he started saying “I’m sorry “ when Nancy cut him off.
“You do know James likes you, right?”
Of all the things Norman expected Nancy to say, that was probably the most unexpected, so he sputtered and was unable to do much more than shake his head.
“Look,” Nancy continued, “We ... don’t know each other well. But I figured you might need a heads up about James.”
“I ... I’m not interested in him, if you want him, he’s yours.”
Nancy laughed, and said, “No way. I’ve been dating his brother for the last year.”
Norman shrugged, unsure of what to say.
“Well, we better go to class.” Nancy said, and left the washroom.
Norman looked in the bathroom mirror at the girl who had been his reflection all day. Despite not wearing makeup, and despite wearing clothes that could be best describe in fashion terms as somewhere between tomboy and outright dyke, she was rather pretty.
He shuddered, and left the washroom.
Knowing that James was interested in him made Norman so nervous it made the class awkward, but somehow Norman survived it and breathed a sigh of relief when it was over. He’d been worried that he’d find himself acting girly or even flirting with James, the way he seemed to now head for the ladies washroom without thinking about it, but as far as he could tell, this hadn’t happened.
He left the class, and headed for his last class of the day.
It was a class in psychology, and he found himself wondering if the teacher had ever heard of a case like his - seeing a reflection in the mirror that didn’t match his sense of self. He thought of asking her, but he decided to see what he could learn online when he got home.
The internet is a wonderful tool, if you know what question to ask. Trouble is, Norman wasn’t really sure just how to phrase the question in his mind. He sighed, and decided he would try his teacher after his next class with her.
Norman made Mac and Cheese for dinner, and then considered how to handle sleeping. He was used to sleeping in the nude, but seeing the girl in the mirror in that state felt all kinds of wrong, so he decided to wear a t-shirt and shorts. Once ready, he glanced at the mirror, and shook his head, making the girl in the mirror shake hers at the same time.
If she’d been his girlfriend, and was coming to share his bed looking like that, he would have been ecstatic. But as it was, it gave him a sense of ... dislocation.
Norman said to himself, “I better find some answers soon. I ... don’t know how long I can take this ...” Then he sighed, and crawled into his bed.
Eventually, he fell asleep.
The next morning, he went through his routine while trying to avoid looking at his reflection, because every time he did, it was so ... dislocating he could hardly stand it.
“I gotta find an answer soon.” He thought to himself as he rushed through breakfast before walking out the door.
Unfortunately, he knew he would have to get through his first class of the day, History of Western Civilization 101. And as he planned to be a social studies teacher, that was a class he couldn’t slack off in.
Somehow, he managed to keep his mind on his class, but he still breathed a sigh of relief when it ended.
As soon as he could get through the crowd, he ran to his psychology teacher’s office, and knocked on her door.
She answered, so he walked in, and closed the door behind him.
“I ... have a question...”
Chapter 3
“Go ahead, young lady. You said you had a question?”
“Hypothetically, what would you say to someone who saw a stranger when they looked in the mirror. Like someone who was the wrong sex?”
There was a long pause, and then Norman’s teacher said, “I would say that person was possibly transgender.”
“Trans ... gender?”
“The medical term is gender identity disorder, or gender dysphoria.”
“So ... that person ... would be crazy?”
“No. Its no longer considered a mental illness.”
“So what advice would you give ... to that person?”
“I would tell the ... person ... that they could start with the GLBTQ club here on campus. They could also talk to the student counselling service. I also have a textbook here in my office. If that person wanted it.”
Norman blushed, and said, “Could I borrow it? I promise to give it back.”
The professor smiled, and stood up. He went over to a bookshelf, and pulled a book down.
“Here you go. I should warn you that this particular edition is several years old, and there are some references to the work of a Dr. Money in it. You can skip over that part.”
“Why?”
“Because the man was ... wrong.”
“Oh.” Norman said, feeling confused.
“I’ll discuss this in class this term. In the meantime, the book, the club, and the counselling service will help ... your person.”
Norman took the book, and left his office. Then he looked at his watch, and realized he had just enough time to make it to his next class if he ran.
So he ran.
The class was a fascinating one, on Political Geography. The first day the teacher had shown a video that showed how the political landscape had changed in Europe over the last five thousand years, and Norman had been hooked.
He was so into the class he almost forgot his problems until the bell rang.
For a moment once the class ended, Norman had no idea where he was supposed to go next. It wasn’t until he looked at his schedule that he remembered that today was a short day and that the class he had just finished was his last for the day.
Norman shook his head at his lapse.
“Oh well. I think I’ll try the LGBT group first.” He thought to himself, and headed for the student union building.
Once he arrived at the building, he struggled to contain his nervousness. The fact that such a group operated openly suggested that no pitchforks or torches would come out if he asked where they met, but the image he saw whenever he looked in the mirror was disconcerting enough to add a layer of nerves to anytime he spoke to people generally, and this situation was even worse than that.
But he steeled himself, and walked over to the information booth.
The student handed him a pamphlet without even blinking.
Norman looked at the pamphlet, and realized the group met in the basement of the student union building.
He was one step closer to his goal ...
Chapter 4:
Norman headed down the stairs to the basement of the student union building while trying to keep his nervousness under control.
He found the room, and it was reassuringly bright and open, with a “reception desk” set up near the entrance.
Norman took another deep breath, and approached the reception desk.
There was a young woman sitting there, and she graced Norman with a smile as he approached.
Norman found it reassuring that he found her attractive ...
She asked, “What can I do for you, dear?”
“I ... I’m looking for information on transgender. Especially for anything you have on female to male.”
“Sure. We have a pamphlet that covers the basics. And if you’re interested, there is a meeting tonight of trans people. Its at 7 PM. “
“I’ll ... take the pamphlet, for now. I’ll ... have to think about the meeting.”
“No problem. Its pretty informal, drop in style. And here’s the pamphlet.”
She handed Norman the pamphlet, and he said “Thank you.” Then he turned, and left, heading for the elevator. He know the councilors were upstairs in this building, and he wanted to get this process started as fast as possible.
Once he got to the floor of the student councilors, he signed in to see whoever he get as soon as possible. He was told he would be able to be seen in a half-hour, so he sat in a comfortable chair in the waiting room and looked at the pamphlet he’d gotten.
The pamphlet was pretty thorough for something so compact, and Norman felt like he’d at least made a start in learning the world in which he found himself.
No sooner had he finished when the counselor called his name. He went in, and the councilor introduced herself as Karen as she directed Norman to sit down.
“So, what can I do for you?” Karen said.
Norman had thought hard about how he could say what was going on. He took a deep breath. “What I am about to tell you will sound kinda nuts, but its true. I ... I think I’m a guy. I think I’ve always been a guy. But here I am, everyone calling me by a female name, and every time I look in the mirror I see a girl. And I don’t know what I can do about it. But I have to do something, and soon, because I don’t know how much longer I can hold out before I crack, and lose maybe my one chance to get what I need to be the teacher I always wanted to be.”
Karen said, “I hate to tell you this, but there is very little I can do. But I can tell you there is a LGBT group here on campus, and I can give you the name of a good therapist, who will probably diagnose you as transgender, and get you started on a transition to male, if that’s what you need. I can also assure you that once you have what’s called a ‘carry letter’ saying you’re in transition, your teachers and the staff here will treat you as a male student, without prejudice..”
Karen sighed, and continued. “Unfortunately, while we can give you legal protection against violence, we cannot make people accept you as a man. Friends and family may be confused and upset by your decision to transition, or think you’re going against the commands of God. And your build and facial structure may cause you to be ‘outed’ in public, causing you difficulties.
We will be here for you, as much as we can be, whenever you need us. But the hard stuff is gonna be up to you.”
“I already have spoken with the LGBT group. There is a trans support group meeting tonight. You got any other advice?”
“Go to the meeting, learn what you can. Then go to the therapist and see what she says. Then you can make some decisions.”
Norman thanked her, and Karen said “Good luck.”
Once he left the counseling office, Norman looked at his watch and realized he had about an hour and a half before the trans group meeting, so he decided to go find something to eat. At the far end of the campus was a small shopping mall, so he headed that way in hopes of finding food.
Once at the mall, he bought a taco salad, and pulled out the textbook his teacher had given him, and read while he ate. About an hour later, he finished up, put the textbook away, and went back over to the student union building for the trans support group meeting.
The group at the meeting was an eclectic one, to say the least.
They ranged from a tall girl wearing a very short skirt and a glare that as good as said “Wanna make something out of my outfit?” to a mouse of a girl wearing a thrift store dress that had been in a shopping bag until just before the meeting started. There was one person going from female to male, and he gave Norman a firm, masculine handshake when introductions were made.
Norman kept mostly quiet during the meeting, listening to the stories of the others instead. It made him feel ashamed of laughing at stories of “trannies”.
What these people had gone through was no laughing matter.
After the meeting, he walked back to his apartment, got undressed and put on the shorts and t-shirt he had worn the night before. Then he tossed and turned for a while, trying to decide what his next step was ...
*****
Mirror Mirror - Chapter 5
The next morning, Norman got up very early, got dressed, and sat at small desk with a very old computer, and, using the textbook as his guide, tried to learn more about transgender. This led him to a fiction site where he read some stories written by, for, or about trans people, and he was impressed with the level of skill these writers possessed. They were remarkably talented, especially for people who weren’t getting paid to share their writings with the world, but instead were offering their stories for free.
Unfortunately, he didn’t see how fiction would help, so he kept searching for an answer.
Finally, he turned off the computer, and pulled out a piece of paper.
He divided the paper in half, and on the top of one half he wrote, “Transition Pros”. On the top of the other half he wrote “Transition Cons”.
Under “Cons” he wrote - “Will anybody accept me ?”, and “Can I bind breasts I only see in the mirror?”, and “What if taking meds is useless?”
Under “Pros”, he wrote “Can I do nothing and survive?”
He stared at the paper for a long time, and sighed.
In the stories he had looked at, most of the guys who were suddenly made girls came to accept being a girl even embracing it, including wearing skirts and dresses, heels and hose, and flirting with (or going further than flirting with) guys.
Norman wasn’t sure he could go that far, but he wondered if there was any room between that and where he was right now.
Norman shook his head and went back to the paper. He crossed off out what he had before.
Under "Pros", he wrote "Sanity?" Norman paused, then wrote "Not living a lie." Then he added, "Not hating myself anymore." Under "Cons" went "Intolerance/Bigotry/Harassment." "Wincing when I see myself naked in the mirror."
And finally, "periods - Ick. “
With that, Norman laughed. And with that laughter, Norman realized there was no rule that said being a girl meant you had to dress up in a full-on little black dress, slit up the side and seduce the first man you see. Girls can wear long sleeved tees and jeans. Being a woman isn't about clothes, hair and nails. It's about being. Just being who you are, and starting with that.
And the same thing was true of being a man. It wasn’t about his face, it wasn’t about having muscles or height or facial hair, it was what was in his mind, and his heart.
And no matter what the mirror said, Norman was a man where it really counted.
Norman left the list and went to class.
Norman made it through his morning classes, and then went to the cafeteria to meet Nancy and James. Once he got his lunch, he sat down across from them both, and said, “Before we start working on the scene, I ... have something to tell you. I ... I’m transgender. I may look like a girl, but in my heart and mind, I’m a guy. I’m not sure what I can do about that, but that’s the situation.”
‘I guess we shouldn’t be totally shocked, considering the way you dress.” Nancy said.
“Yeah. Nancy and I were talking the other day, and well, you reminded us of a girl we knew in high school. Except I guess she was going the other way. She was born a boy, but she was always a she in her head. That kind of thing, it can’t be a ton of fun.” James added.
“So you two aren’t totally weirded out?”
“No way.” James said, “You can’t help being who you are.”
“So I’m guessing you’d prefer male pronouns? He, his, him, that kind of thing?” Nancy asked.
“Y..yes, please.” Norman managed.
“What about a male name?” James asked. “Can’t call a dude Norma.”
“Well ... its close. You just have to add an ‘n’ to the end - ‘Norman’”
“Can we call you Norm? Like the guy on Cheers?” James asked with a smile.
“That ... that works.” Norman stammered. “You guys really okay with this?”
“Like I said, you can’t help being who you are.” James stated.
“Thanks. It means a lot to me.” Norman said.
“It’s probably not the best question, but is that why you’re not interested in James here?” Nancy asked.
“Hey! You told!” James exclaimed.
“I’m afraid so, James. I ... I like girls. I guess that makes me sort of straight.”
“I guess it would ... bro.” James said.
“So any idea what you’re gonna do about it?” Nancy asked.
“I honestly don’t know. In my ...particular circumstances, I may not be able to take hormones, or change my appearance, or have surgery.” Norman said with his head down. “Being Norman with a few friends may be as good as it gets.”
“Well, if being Norman with us is as good as it gets, then we’ll have to do our best to make it the best it can be.” James said firmly.
“Darn right.” Nancy added.
“Thank you both so much. Just getting this off my chest helped.”
“Well, you’re welcome, ...Norm.” Nancy said
“Ditto, bro.” James said, offering a fist-bump.
Norman gave a fist-bump back, and then slapped himself on the head. “Oh, crap. I totally forgot. I have to go home this weekend. Its my mom’s birthday.”
“I take it she doesn’t know?” Nancy asked.
“I ... I’m not sure. But I know for sure my mom is a total girly-girl type. Her favorite color is pink, and she grumps if she has to wear pants.”
“Wow ... Listen. Let me give you our phone numbers and email addresses. It gets too much, you can call or text or IM one of us.” Nancy offered.
Nancy quickly pulled out a notepad and jotted down her contact info, and then James did the same. Then James handed it to Norman.
“I hope your mom ends up being cool with it, man. But we got your back, no matter what.”
“Bless you both. Now, we better work on our scene.” Norman said, and pulled out his notes.
Once lunch was over, Norman went to his afternoon classes feeling lighter and freer. After his last class, he went and returned the textbook to his teacher, and then walked home to pack for the trip to his mother’s place. Once packed, he called his mother, and she told him his brother Patrick was on his way to pick him up rather than Norman taking a bus to the small town where his family lived.
Norman sat down on his bed and waited for his brother to arrive. While he waited, he debated what he should do about telling his family. It might come as a shock to them, but nothing in his memories indicated they would hate him or reject him.
A knock on the door interrupted his thoughts, so he grabbed his bag and headed for the door.
The next step in his journey was to begin ...
Mirror Mirror - Chapter 6
Norman opened the door and saw his brother Patrick pacing outside. Patrick offered to take Norman’s bag, but Norman refused, and took the bag to Patrick’s car.
Once the bag was loaded and they were both in the car, Patrick began the drive to the small town they had come from. For the first while, they made the drive in silence, but once they had reached the city limits, Patrick turned to Norman and said, “So ... how’s college?”
“Okay, so far. How’s the programing gig going?”
“Good.”
Silence reigned for a few minutes
Finally, Norman said, “Listen, Patrick ... I’m ... going through something right now. I ... think I need to have a conversation with mom and you at some point this weekend. But I’ll wait until after her birthday tomorrow.”
“Okay ... Norma. You know we love you, and we’ll be here for you, no matter what, right?”
“Thanks, Patrick.”
The rest of the drive was silent.
When they finally arrived at their mother’s place, Norman got out and grabbed his bag as his brother Patrick did the same with his own bag. They went toward the door, but before they got there the door opened, and their mother came out and gave both of them a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
Norman was directed to his old room, which looked remarkably like what he remembered from his (male) childhood. Looking at it now through the eyes of a supposed girl, he couldn’t really see any obvious signs of femininity. Even though the closet had some dresses in it, they were stuffed in the far back, and looked like they had never been worn. Knowing how girly his mom was, he could easily see her buying dresses for her daughter, but apparently “Norma” wasn’t interested, which explained why his mom hadn’t been surprised by his outfit.
Norman stripped, and put on a t-shirt and shorts to sleep in, then crawled into his bed and fell asleep.
The next morning, Norman woke, and put on the best pants and shirt he had. He sighed when he looked in the mirror above his dresser, seeing the image of a rather pretty girl imitate his actions. On her, the clothes looked like she had raided her twin brother’s wardrobe, and he hoped he wouldn’t offend his mother too much on what was supposed to be a special day.
For a moment, he considered changing and at least trying a dress for his mom, but he rejected the notion. It would constitute a surrender, which he simply wasn’t prepared to do. Norman glumly went down the stairs to face the music.
As it happened, his mother raised an eyebrow but otherwise made no comment, which led Norman to believe his current outfit was pretty standard. He took a deep breath in relief, and went into the living room to join the family.
The party took all day, and despite his current circumstances, Norman enjoyed it immensely. When the party finally ended, Norman went back upstairs, but before he could get undressed he was startled by a knock on the door. He opened it, and saw his mother standing there looking rather tentative.
“Mom? What is it?”
“I ... just wanted to thank you for coming, Norma. I know you’re busy at University and everything.”
“Of course I was gonna come, mom. Not every day my mom turns 65.”
Norman’s mother smiled, and said, “Patrick mentioned you might want to have a family meeting?”
Norman nodded. “Yeah, I .. have some things I need to say, but we can do it after a nice breakfast.”
“Okay, Norma. I ... just wanted to tell you I’m proud of you and I love you, no matter what you have to tell us tomorrow.”
Norman gave his mother a hug, and then said, “Thanks, Mom. Good night.”
“Goodnight.” His mother said, and then closed the door on her way out of Norman’s bedroom.
Norman got changed and went to bed and eventually, fell asleep.
The next morning, Patrick, Norman, and their mother had a nice breakfast, and when it was over and the dishes put in the dishwasher, Patrick said, “Norma, you said you had something you needed to share with us?”
Norman nodded, and led the two of them into the living room and had them sit down. Then he stood in front of them, and said, “Mom, Patrick, something happened to me at University, and it ... I guess you could say it opened my eyes to something. I ... I really don’t know how to say this, but ... I’m not a girl. I was never a girl. I ... I’m transgender. In my heart and mind, I’m a guy, no matter what my mirror says.”
There was silence in the room for several minutes, and finally Norman said, “Say something?”
Patrick sighed, and said, “When we were kids, you always wanted to do what I did. I thought it was just part of you being younger, but I guess I always knew it was something deeper than that. You were looking to me to teach you how to be a guy, weren’t you?”
Norman nodded, and said “Yes. I was.”
Norman’s mother then said, “You hated dresses and anything girly as a child. I thought it was a tomboy phase, and someday you’d get interested in boys, and want to be more feminine. You had boys you hung around, but you never once said you thought of them as boyfriends. In fact you were repulsed by the idea. Is this because you ... you’re gay?”
“No mom. I ... I like girls, yes. But that’s not what this is about. I feel ... wrong as girl. I can hardly stand to look at myself in the mirror, seeing a girl in the reflection. I ... I feel like I’ll come apart if I have to try and pretend to be a girl.”
Norman’s mother stood, and gave Norman a large hug. “When you were born, I almost lost you. I was just grateful to keep you at all, I didn’t care whether you were a boy or a girl. Son or daughter, you’re mine, and I ... don’t want to lose you.”
Patrick stood, and joined the hug. “Hey, I always wanted a younger brother. Guess I had one all along.”
“Thanks. Thank you both. Having this conversation ... I was so scared.” Norman said.
“We could never reject you, hon. You’re family.” Patrick said, “But what are you gonna do about it?”
“I ... I don’t know. I’m going to make an appointment to see a gender specialist, and see what they say. I honestly don’t know about transitioning physically, but one step at a time.”
“Sounds smart.” Norman’s mother said with a smile. “I always knew both my ... boys were very smart.”
There was more hugging, and some crying, and eventually everyone decided that they needed to do something , so they decided to go to a small fair to look around. One happy, laughing, and smiling visit later, the three of them went home to have supper.
After supper, Norman went to his old room for one last night’s sleep before he was to go back to University tomorrow. After he got ready for bed, he looked in the mirror and then said to the girl he saw there, “I’m sorry I have to make you go away. If you were anybody but me, I’d like to have gotten to know you better. But I can’t be you. I hope you understand that.”
He sighed, and crawled into the bed. He knew that in a way, his adventure was just beginning, but it felt like the steps he had taken and the response he had received showed him it was possible to go back to being a guy.
“One step at a time., one day at a time” He thought, and went to sleep.
End.