When we ride to the skating rink we need every seat to get everyone in the two cars. I have to scoot in the middle of the front and get cozy with Sal. Sal puts an arm around me draws me in as close as possible. Justified by the need room I oblige him and I'm comfortable since it is a short trip. He thanks me with a kiss to the cheek and says I could lean my head on his shoulder.

It will be the only time at Skateland that I will get the pretty white skates for girls, mine even had pom-poms on them. I need to put a pair of socks over my pantyhose. Sal compliments me, “You are very pretty and have great legs. You must be a very good skater to get away with wearing such a short skirt.”

“Thank you, Sal, unfortunately, this is the most appropriate thing I have; I am praying I won’t be falling much,” I tell him. Thankfully, Sandy had suggested a second panty over my pantyhose and I’m now appreciative. Better yet would have been not being in the group.

Sal’s a very good skater being able to skate backward and as a dancer with his arms around my waist. It takes me two tries before I can also turn with him in a complete circle. I enjoy the challenge of being able to skate in sync with him. Sandy and Deb take turns with their dates in spending time with us.

Several times I almost fall but I am caught by Sal before it happens. The first time he kisses me, as he asks if I’m okay. The second time I see the kiss coming and kissed him first. I tried to kiss him on the cheek but miss and our lips locked which I had not planned.

There are always a few contests at the roller rink and we’re in the dance competition. Sal does most of the hard dancing but I needed to stretch out a couple of times and then twirl as we finish. I’m already a good skater and I enjoy doing tough moves with Sal.

Sandy giggles, “I have a couple of really nice pictures of you Cami.” I tell her I'm glad

“Did you get one of her legs stretched out behind her; I bet that won us a few votes,” Anne says with a big smile. I ask why and several say, “Most of the guys liked seeing your panties.” Not having thought about that I blush.

Sal and I tied another couple and we’re in a dance-off. I wanted to concede the prize but it was not allowed. This time we decide I need to bend down, even more, lean back go through his leg as well as the twirl, stretches and a kiss to end the dance.

Sandy pulls me aside as I act as though I resist going through with it. Sandy says, “Cami if you do this and do it successfully I will give you a kiss that will clean your tonsils.”

“My sister would never let me forget this and my Mom will kill me if she ever found out,” I say. I am not excited about skating with Sal, but I am very competitive.

Needless to say, I have all the incentive I need from Sandy to say “yes”. I shake as we skate to the middle of the rink and nearly fall. But once the music begins the butterflies leave and I focus on each part of the dance we do. Going through his legs is tough and I feel his pant legs as I go through. This time I enjoy stretching out and feeling him pull me around. We know we won the contest as the crowd roars as we finish as he kisses me. We won two shirts and we’re now in the raffle for season tickets and money prize.

We go for hamburgers, fries, and cokes after skating and everyone has fun being together. Sal is very nice and pays for mine and we have a nice talk. When Sandy mentions my detail work on their fingernails, I make the mistake of bragging about doing the detail painting on cars.

Sal asks, “Do you think you could paint Bugs Bunny?” I speak up without thinking but catch myself, saying, “Yes I do... but I don’t live in the area.” When everyone’s ready to leave and Sal kisses me and I'm ready to swoon. I say, “I wished I could see you Saturday, but I need to spend the day with my grandmother.”

As they pull away, Sal says, “I will come back with the guys Saturday even if it is just for a short visit over at your grandparents’.”

It is 9:30 p.m. when they leave and I still have homework to do. The good news is the curls I did shampoo out, except for one in the back under my ponytail. It hadn’t and I didn’t notice. Jenn shows me how to properly take off my make-up and to take care of my skin. “Hal, I appreciated what you did. You were exceptional in doing your part so well. Too bad I don’t think we can tell anyone, how great you were. The other girls appreciate it as well.”

“Yea, but I kind of put my foot in my mouth at the end. It sounded like Sal will be coming back.”

“That will not be your problem, Hal. I’m sure one of us will be able to get another girl to help us out. Sal has enough things going for him that finding someone shouldn’t be hard,” Jenn told me.

“I saw you were using your left hand all night, what was that for?” Jenn asked me.

“You know I’m ambidextrous; so I thought I would act left-handed to help me stay in character,” my sister laughs at my thinking.

“That was very smart of you; leave it to you to think of little things like that.” Despite what we put you through, I hope you had a good time. It looked like you enjoyed skating which isn’t a surprise.”

I found myself doing my homework, writing left-handed and things seemed to flow. I even got up in the morning, showered, ate breakfast, and got to school in plenty of time.

Miss Robbins my first teacher set us to work on a little essay about lesson one and I set out writing. Miss. Robbins walk around she comments about my hair, “Did your sister try out one of her hairdos on you last night?”

“Something like that,” I responded. “Does it show that much?”

She says “No, but you missed the curl in the back when you shampooed your hair. After you’re done with your paper, I want you to go to the bathroom and check the corner of your eyes for color, you missed something.” She’s right, it's eye makeup. Tricia sitting next to me says, “Don’t worry I won’t say anything.”

It upset me enough that she knew, but I kept my focus on the classwork. “You’re lucky that your eyelashes are naturally long; I don’t think anyone will notice you didn’t get the mascara all off either. But next class I suggest you don’t sit right next to anyone.” I realized Tricia is being nice to point things out and I tell her thanks.

When I got home for lunch, I asked Jenn if she had found anyone yet. She said, “Two girls I’ve asked said they can’t. Don’t worry, our outing last night was quite the buzz, I am sure it will be taken care of today or tomorrow.”

I am down to Roy’s by 1:00 p.m. and casually painting flames onto the side of a 1940 roadster. Most people thought it was a clunker, but after Roy worked the engine it purrs like a kitten and runs like a cheetah, for a 1940 roadster that is. He likes what I did which made me happy and I’m happy he trusted me.

After dinner, I set my attention on my homework but couldn’t keep my attention on it. That is until I rummage through Jenn’s discarded clothes and come up with a summer tank top and shorts. I blocked my door, put on the clothes, and got back to my homework.

My sister was out seeing friends so when I need to use the bathroom I hadn’t worried, but I forgot to put things back in front of the door. When Jenn got home early, she comes to my room and checks on me. When she first sees me, I forget what I am wearing. So when she asks, “Are you comfortable?” I reply with a simple “Yes”. I had not realized why she is asking.

“Well, how often do you dress like that?” That’s when I notice and remember.

“I’m sorry Sis, I can explain,” I say.

“I’m sorry too, it is my fault you thought of it,” she says. “But go ahead and tell me, I would like to hear your explanation.”

I first asked about the things noticed at school this morning; “I want to ask if you noticed the curl at the back of my hair or the eye makeup I missed taking off?”

“I didn’t see any makeup did you miss some?” she asks. So I told her about the eyeshadow and the mascara. “Oops I guess you wouldn’t have known to look closer, and your eyelashes are long enough they didn’t look much different from normal. Who noticed?”

I tell her, “Miss Robbins and Tricia, who sits next to me in my first class. Luckily they’re nice enough and talked to me quietly, apart from the other students.”

“So that doesn’t explain the clothes tonight,” Jenn says as she sits down.

“I had trouble concentrating and this morning at school I continued to act left-handed. Tonight, I thought if I just put on something and write left-handed maybe I could concentrate better. Besides being caught by you, it worked.”

“It sure did, isn't that a Hal record of doing homework two nights in a row,” she giggles. We both giggle, and she is amused by just watching me.

She asks, “Do you want a nightgown or teddy bear pajamas to help you sleep?” I thought she was joking and I didn’t dare ask. Before I got to bed, I took a shower and when I got back to my room there was a pink nightshirt with a note, “I am sorry.”

I didn’t use the nightshirt until I had trouble getting to sleep which isn't unusual. But, after I put on the nightshirt I went asleep within ten minutes. I was nicely rested in the morning.

That day summer school and painting for Roy went well. The teachers both said, “I don’t know what you are doing differently but keep it up.” But Miss Robbins did know one thing that was different. I don’t think she related the two.

There was a message when I got home to return a call. I thought it might be from Miss Robbins or Mom as I hadn’t recognized the number. I call and it was Sal. He wanted to talk to Cami, so I made an excuse that she was taking a shower and couldn’t answer the phone. He wanted Cami to call him back. I told him I would give her the message if I saw her before she went to Grandma’s. He was a bit aggravated when I wouldn’t promise to make sure she got the message.

“I just wanted her to know I enjoyed seeing her and hoped we could arrange a time to get together.”

“She was impressed by you too, but her time with our grandparents is very important as well,” I said. “You shouldn’t be too disappointed if you don’t see her, Jenn said they’re lining a wonderful date for you anyway.”

“She said she was impressed by me what else did she say?” he asked. “Did she say if she liked me a little or what?”

“She said, she had a nice time and asked if I would do some detail work on your car. She said it would hurt to see you especially if you were going out with another girl,” I told him. “I’m just as good as Cami is in painting if not better, especially on cars. “

Sal said, “But it would be from her, and by her if she does it.”

I joked that he had it bad, but he didn’t see the humor in it. I was about to break with emotion so I excused myself and quickly hang up. Come dinner time, I told Jenn what had happened. She got upset then and more upset after dinner when Sandy called.

“Sandy is coming over in a little bit; she said she wanted to talk to you.”

I hoped it was about cleaning my tonsils. I asked, “Jenn would it be alright if I talked to her in private?” Jenn was ecstatic to do as I requested.

I would have my first test in both subjects come up Friday so I felt a need to study so I went to my room and studied. I got one small paint project done today. Like the guy who I am, my room is not picked up, but unlike a regular guy, some of the clothes were shorts, tops, and a nightshirt from Jenn’s wardrobe. I hadn’t realized that until Sandy came in and she saw them.

Sandy had practiced softball and was a bit tired when she made it to our place. She knocked on my room door and came in as I gave permission. I thought it was my sister, but I was really happy to see Sandy. Even from softball practice, she looked better than most girls.

“We have a home game tomorrow night; did your sister tell you I asked if you could be there? We’re going out after the game. I hope I am still in the mood. Are you willing and able to go out with us?” My face goes to one of bewilderment as I not been asked to be part of things before. I’m always the little brother who’s not wanted around.

“No one told you or asked you had they?” she asked. I am sure, she regretted she came into the room as we were now both put in a hard place.

“No, I hoped that you came to… well never mind,” I said.

She giggled, “You’re in boy mode and I was thinking… well, not that. No, we’ve had a comedy of errors. We tried to get a date for Sal and then that didn’t happen. Then I thought someone would have asked you and all I needed to do was to polish you up a little.”

“I should have known better; I’m not much as a guy or a girl, guess. Seemingly however someone wanted Cami, even if it’s me dressed as a girl,” I smirked.

“I’m sorry Hal, we like you more than we probably show; but I guess I need to ask if you will do us a favor again. What did you think about Sal earlier in the week when we went skating? It looked like you had a great time and you even won the dance contest.”

“It was fun and he treats a girl like I think a guy should.” I didn’t want to say yes too quickly so I paused a bit. “Well if I went dressed as a girl and went out on a date, he’d be the kind of guy I would like to do it with. He makes a girl feel good.”

“You know if we hurry we could get a new outfit for you?” She’s joked but I responded too fast and eagerly. “O girl, you were smitten, I didn’t know. Hurry, change, and get a face on, then we’ll get to the mall.”

“No, I didn’t mean…”

“No, you did mean it, but I won’t tell. It would be the least we could do. Plus I needed some pantyhose.”

“I would rather no one else knew,” I said. “Could you do it for me?”

“I won’t even mention it again to Hal, but your sister needs to know where we are going.”

“So you felt good, was it being dressed as a girl or being with him?” I stopped in my tracks, I knew not what to say.

“I guess that means both to some extent,” Sandy smiled and squeezed my hand.

I put on Jenn’s bibbed overall shorts and a pink blouse. Sandy brushed out my hair to a casual girl style and we went to leave. She told Jenn and Jenn came as she had mom’s check card.

“Thanks, Hal… Cami; I was afraid you would say no. I wouldn’t blame you if you had,” Jenn said.

I knew my sister giggled behind me as I walked into the department store. We’re approached immediately by a young woman at the cosmetic counter; she asked if anyone wanted a makeover. Jenn very nicely volunteered me and I was soon sitting on a stool having my face done. The cosmetician noticed I did not wear earrings. “We are piercing ears for free today with the purchase of two pairs of earrings, and many of the earrings are on a special promotion.”

Sandy walked away and I wondered why until the salesgirl said she needed permission from a consenting adult. Sandy soon returned with a note from my mother. It granted her permission. I got the pink starters and Jenn got tear-drop earrings she had asked for.

Dee, my cosmetician, and did my makeup lightly. She said, “You being a young teen and having such a nice complexion, a lot of makeup isn’t needed and it’s actually counterproductive. I know I should be selling as much as possible, but this pink for your lips and this light blue eyeshadow are probably the most important to add to your make-up. I do suggest the concealer for would-be blemishes and a light foundation.”

Jenn spoke up and got me a discount on the make-up along with the earrings and a make-up bag. Dee also loaded me with a small bag of samples and her card. I got so nervous as I needed to go to the restroom. But I would have gone in the wrong one if Sandy had not called to me to wait for her.

I resisted going to the women’s room but Sandy joked, “You would have had your make-up reworked if you went into the other restroom looking like that.” She remained in the restroom and guided me through fixing my makeup.

The dress I like the best had a short light yellow skirt. We picked two tops that worked with a nice short culotte skirt as a backup. I was to wear the culotte skirt to Sandy’s next softball game.

To be continued…

Friday morning, I am ready for my test, the quiz and I even have my homework done. The homework has been done much better than usual and I'm kind of proud of it. Miss Robbins comes over to me and shares her observation, “Hal, you seem to be doing things better left handed. Maybe you should do this test in the same way.” However you do it, I wanted you to know I see your added effort.”

I change writing hand and Miss Robbins suggests, “Thank you for amusing me and doing as I suggested. I would like to speak with you at the end of class.”

We have nearly an hour for the test; then the last half-hour we get directions on our next history assignment. I get to work with Tricia on our out of class history project.

She and I meet for ten minutes to choose our topic and agreed to meet Sunday afternoon to begin it in earnest. Tricia reminds me to meet with Miss Robbins.

So I go and ask, “Miss Robbins, you want to speak with me.”

“Yes Hal I do, but let the others leave first please.” I am glad she has a smile on her face as I hope I'm not in trouble as usual. “Let me share something,” she says, “And then you can do what you want.”

“When I was in high school, one of my friends had a secret. A secret he never talked about until after he got beat up for being different. When boys found out, they did not understand and it wasn’t good for Fred. Not only did he get beat up, but many people blamed him for any fight he was in. They said he was wrong in keeping a secret and being different. Even after people knew they still excused the harsh things others said and did.”

Miss Robbins turns to me, “My Father was a policeman and he gave me this whistle to use if I was ever in trouble. I would like you to have it; just in case you would get in trouble and need friends to help you. Would you take and use it for me?”

“I’m kind of use to being in trouble, Miss Robbins; I don’t think you are telling me that is okay, are you?” I say. “I think you know I get into my share of it without help.”

Miss Robbins smiled as I gave her a hug, “You’re right, but you are changing and I am afraid some people won’t like that. I’m afraid they will want to hurt you and that they will make sure others aren’t around, to see what they do to you.”

“My biggest change right now is trying to be a better student, I know Ms. Albert thinks I’ve cheated or something but I’ve changed and I have worked harder.”

“You’d better get to Mrs. Albert’s class before you’re late and in trouble with her. But Hal knows you can call me and even trust me with a secret if you need to.”

I feel good as well as confused; here I was trying to be good and instead of trouble she offers help. I don’t see how it can get hurt and I’m not aware of what she’s afraid of.

My second class was short. We had a major quiz and after that, we could stay and read or go home early. I stayed a little while as I’m reading through it and I practice several of the sample problems to make sure I understand what is being presented before I forget what I read.

I am still out early as Mrs. Albert wants to leave early as well.

I stop at Roy’s on the way home. “I’m not working today, but I want to know if it would be okay if I or a cousin worked on a car here tomorrow.” I would rather do it at my house, but Roy has the paints I need.

“I won’t be here tomorrow as it’s a race day, but you know where everything is,” Roy says.

I am happy to get home and to have time to enjoy my transformation. I started the tub in mom’s bathroom, another bubble bath, and then I get a quick lunch of cottage cheese and fruit.

I pretend the jeans I’m taking off are girl jeans and that I have to slink out of them. My clothes are laid out on the bed before I get into the bubble bath. I hadn’t previously noticed the feel of the oil.

It’s rough today as I shave my own legs and underarms so I will not get aroused by the girls doing it. But I did get aroused as I fantasized I really am Cami. Jenn came home as I lay back and enjoy myself. Jenn is upset that I am getting into this way too much. I tell her, “If you want I could stop and stay home.” I say it, knowing she wouldn’t want that she wants my help. She’s even borrowed two breast forms from the drama department for Cami. “That is really a low double standard Sis,” I said to her.

Carol will soon be the one over to help with my make-up. Jenn and Carol insist I learn how to do my own make-up. I am reminded to do it lightly, though I, really want to use more. Carol compliments how I do my nails. That’s when I remembered I did them last night. "O my, Miss Robbins" I mumble, and Carol asks what.

“I did my nails last night before we went shopping. Ugh, I had worn fingernail polish to summer school. I’m sure Miss Robbins and Tricia both noticed. What am I to do?”

Carol giggles at my dilemma, “If they were quiet, I would suggest you be quiet too. You need to be more careful, but you’re not the first or the last.”

Carol tells me, “You're not the first, usually one or two boys to do it each year. And that is just those I hear of.”

“If it’s happened, why didn’t I hear about it?” I ask.

“Most of the time girls don’t tell, because of what the guys would do, from teasing to getting physical..” She pauses, “Sometimes a girlfriend or a sister painted them, and boys just forget to take it off. Some other guys let strength and emotions override better judgment and their violent nature. Most girls wouldn’t like boys to suffer from violence unless the girl is a real b**. Can you understand that?”

‘Hmm, Miss Robbins said that with different words.’ Carol brushes her hand through my hair, “Just be careful and try not to do it again.” I smile and thought how nice she's being to me.

I finish my makeup, and Carol helps me to learn how to even it out to give me a smooth looking complexion. Things like smoothing my makeup with a soft triangle and a brush with the lightest of powder. I’m like a giddy girl inside as I see the end result. I hope it doesn’t show. If Carol noticed she hadn’t said anything.

The two breast forms that my sister brought home from the drama department at school. They aren’t huge like a guy might want, they’re the correct size for a girl my built. Ha, they have a weight and tend to get in the way of my arms. “Live and learn,” Carol tells me as she notices my reaction.

I wear sandals Jenn has bought for me. I go over with Carol to the softball diamond. The girls who are there are nice, well there are a few are put off with my presence. I think it is funny when Carol suggests they’re jealous of me. “You are about as pretty as Jenn, the worse part is they’re afraid you might compete for their boyfriends.”

I see Sandy and a number of other girls on the softball team that I know but Sandy’s the only one who knew who I am.

We are playing our arch rival and Miss Robbins recruits a few of us to cheer. “No, no, you don’t want me,” I complain.

“I won’t force you, but it might be one of the rare chances you get,” she told me. I ask how I’m to hold my hands, or what to say. She helps us by showing us a few actions, to know when to cheer and when to be quiet. Miss Robbins gives me a pair of footies and I borrow Sandy’s sneakers during the game. I’m tickled at the thought of wearing her shoes.

The guys arrived just as the game is to begin. I go over to Sal. Before I got a chance to ask him not to, he gave me a kiss, a kiss on the cheek. Jenn is happy to see me, but upset I am cheering. She says, “Don’t get used to this stuff; we need to find a way to get you out of this.”

Come, the end of two innings we have a 3 to 1 lead when our third base player falls to the ground with a twisted ankle diving for the ball. While their runner ends up safe at second. I yell for Sandy to be put in, not knowing that it indeed was one of her positions. I am sure some the fans think I'm more than a little crazy, but they too were excited for Sandy.

The ball is hit to her and she was about to throw out the runner at first. But the second base runner had come too far and Sandy had her trapped and tagged out. The fans were happy as it got the team back on track.

Sal brought a drink over to me and others giggle at the attention I receive from him. It is fun as I cheer, kick my legs up, watch the other girls to see how to move my arms for cheers.

When our team comes to bat and Sandy is due to bat fifth. There were two runners on first and second and two outs as Sandy becomes the batter. The pitcher threw fast and quickly Sandy has two strikes. Just as the pitcher is ready to wind up I start a cheer. The pitcher and the umpire are both upset and tell me I have to stop. Sandy smiles and seems more relaxed.

She hit the next pitch hard enough to go over the first baseman’s head and glove. It hits fair but bounces away from the fielders. Sandy is quick and runs to second by the time they came up with the ball and two runs scored. She runs for third base as they threw the ball to third. Sandy slid into the fielder’s glove at the same time she tries to catch the ball. Sandy is safe and the ball rolls away. That allows Sandy to run safely home. Elston’s team scores enough to make the game interesting, but not near enough to threaten the lead as Elmhurst won, 8-3.

We went to eat pizza the same place the team went. It would not have been good for Sandy to leave before the Coach gives her permission. She enjoys the moment as a star of the game. I am taken to the girls’ room to change out of my culottes into a short skirt with pantyhose underneath.

The pant/skirt was nice for modesty, but it is nice to be back in a regular skirt. Sal compliments, “Cami, I appreciate how nice you look. It is fun to see and hear you cheer, with your legs kicking and your figure, you are very pretty.”

I scoot into the booth having gathered my skirt properly underneath me. I see Sandy giggle at my discipline, Jenn slowly shakes her head and Sal’s watchful eyes have me nervous. I usually have a good appetite but nibbled on one slice of pizza and one glass of diet soda the whole time we are there.

We ride around until late; I snuggle again closely next to Sal as he drives. His right hand is usually free to wander, but I keep its movement limited. His enjoyment came when I nibbled on his ear to get his attention. When my hand fell onto his lap, I realize he is aroused. I couldn’t help but be pleased. He tells me, “I’m sorry but I can’t control how I feel.”

Without thinking I scoot and give a quick kiss that became more passionate than expected, and my hand sought him out. I felt him throb in my hand before I back away. When I'm dropped off at home it takes five minutes to say goodnight.

I am in the bathroom getting ready for bed when Jenn came in sternly asking about my actions and the need to stop. When my eyes tear, I end up crying in her arms. She comforts me as her little sister. Later after I have changed into a pair of teddy bear pajamas and Jenn tucks me into bed. Minutes later she comes back with a stuffed kitten for me to cuddle. “Thanks, Jenn, I know we both want this over with. I appreciate you being nice about it.”

When I walk down to the kitchen in the morning, I find out several girls slept over. Deb and Sandy scoot next to me after I plop down with my cereal. Deb soon has out her polish remover and wants to work on my toes.

I try to tell them, I couldn’t be Cami today but they wouldn’t hear of it. By 9:30 we receive a call that Sal is coming over so I can paint his car. I paint a kitten on his back butterfly window and an outline of a cougar along the back of his car. The one looks cute and the other is ‘tuff’. From 10 till 2:00, I paint the kitten and outline the cougar.

Roy will finish the cougar if Sal wants to leave it overnight to be baked on dry. Even Roy believes I am Jenn and Hal’s cousin; He sees no evidence of Hal. We went to the shopping center late that afternoon and most of the guys sit, as the girls shop around. Jenn shops with Chuck and I try it with Sal. I find something I just had to have. It's a pair of shorts with a halter top to go with it. Even if I were a girl my Mom would not have allowed me to have it, but Sal gives in and buys them for me.

Mom calls Saturday night before we go on our date; Jenn promises we will go to church in the morning. The movie is an action film as it is guy’s choice. The Strand Theater is big and the balcony is not packed like the main area. I thought we came to watch a movie and eat popcorn. I guess I am naive and still learning. After Sal’s first warm kiss I begin to move closer. Sal gets closer and hugs the stuffing out of me and I didn’t know how to stop him. That was my excuse anyway.

I waited as long as I could before I excuse myself and go to the powder room. Three other girls followed me, giggling and whispering as we went. I begin to lightly use my lipstick as Deb says “Don’t waste your time; wait until the movie is done.”

There was talk about going to Chicago in two weeks to hear one of their bands. The girls are to share the same hotel room. I look despondent that I won't be going, until Carol says, “By then this will have all passed over and you won't care or you will be one of us.”

It is and isn’t really what I want to say, but I say, “It needs to pass over.” Carol gives me a hug, “But you make one hot girl.” And I thank her.

All the girls and a few guys go to church. Jenn sees Grandma and warns me to stay out of her line of sight.

After church, Sal has gone to pick up his car which turned out spectacularly well. He lifts me up, swings me all the way around and sets me down on the hood of his car along with giving me a warm kiss. I would have been in heaven if Jenn’s eyes hadn’t sent me to purgatory.

Though we are home by noon and the guys are gone; I stay in girl mode until just before Tricia comes over. I try wearing my halter top under my shirt. Tricia’s hand pulling at my collar indicated it hadn’t worked She rolls a tube of lipstick my way, saying, “I won’t tell.”

I tell her, “I did a favor for my sister and friends and this was the last of it.” Tricia’s response left me thinking, she doesn’t believe what I said. Our report dealt with the changes in the stand of political parties. Lincoln one of the first modern-day Republican Presidents stood for freedom, but come to the 1960 elections; it is the Democrats who it seems are speaking for the rights of all citizens.

Come Monday morning and most of the week, my hair is up in a ponytail and more of Cami shows. Grandma calls to our house and I answer the phone but had not changed my voice back to Hal. I cover my mistake and say I have been singing with my sister.

“That is very interesting as your sister is here and I am inviting you to dinner. You can explain yourself when you get here,” she tells me. I scrub my face hard, messed up my hair and wear my old jeans and a paint shirt. Seemingly, it does the trick.

Luckily I have worked on cars Monday, Tuesday and now Wednesday and my hands have paid a price. Before we left for home Grandma says she needs to give attention to my hands. Mom often did that but it wasn’t unusual that Grandma would when Mom is gone.

I didn’t have earrings on but she notices the holes. She hadn’t made a big deal of things until she uses it as an excuse to pull out a pink bottle of polish. “Tell your sister you shouldn’t wear an undershirt with a ribbon and flower.” I check in the mirror and it was one of my undershirts, so what did she mean?

Once we’re home I swear to Jenn that I am through and never going to be Cami again.

I'm surprised when she giggles at me…

To be continued…

Finally, it will be a normal weekend for me. This weekend Jenn will be out most of the time helping in a respite program for single parents and Jenn won't have her boyfriend from Chicago. Even when she’s to be home she expects to be with some of her other friends. Needless to say, she has not only Mom’s complete blessing but mine as well. While Jenn isn’t working Friday and Saturday night, we both expect her to be somewhere else with her friends.

Friday at Summer School, Miss Robbins asks what I will be doing this weekend. I happily say I will be paling around with Nick and Hank. I hadn’t known yet both were grounded for the trouble they’d gotten into.

Roy’s gone to a car rally with friends; working in his shop is out, as it had it locked up.

So Friday afternoon, after I find out about Nick and Hank, I cut the grass in the front yard as well as trim the bushes. I am in the house to get a drink when the phone rings and Sandy’s calling. “Hi Sandy, Jenn is working with the Briars' Respite Camp program?”

“That’s fine because I am calling for you, Coach just called me and she wants me ready to pitch this weekend. Since you were a catcher, I'm hoping you could help me get ready. I thought you might wear those bibbed shorts you have with our team shirt.”

“Why don’t I just come as I am or you can come and we’ll throw out back?” I ask.

“Coach is going to let you sit the bench if you’re one of the girls.” Sandy says, “Can you be ready in fifteen minutes?”

“No. It would take me thirty minutes to shower and change. I'd rather be myself.”

“Cami with the bibbed shorts and enough makeup to be her. You have twenty, be ready when I beep the horn!” and she hangs up.

I’m still upset about not making the cut on the boys’ baseball team and this is the first chance to play this spring, make that summer. I’m not even registered for any of the summer leagues. Now here I am asked to be catching for Sandy. Sitting on the girls’ bench would be a new experience. I am afraid I will feel like a bit of a sissy, or worse feminine among the girls in the dugout. Coach thinks I'm Jenn's cousin Cami and says to me, “If you travel with the team tomorrow, pitch the earrings until after the last game, please. Oh and thanks for helping Cami. Ms. Robbins said you’re a cousin to Jenn who's up in eleventh grade and a friend of Sandy’s.”

My ponytail’s not feminine enough for Jodi, another player, so she brushes it out and puts it through the hole in my cap. Catching practice for Sandy and being on the bench is neat. Most of the girls, who have never have talked to me, are talking with Cami. They thank me for helping out and compliment how well I catch.

From the third inning on Sandy needs to be warmed up as Bridgette is struggling. Finally, come the fifth inning Sandy needs to pitch as the other team ties the score. Sandy’s not the most powerful, but she has great control, spotting the ball high or low, on the inside or outside and she has a slow pitch that drives their power hitters crazy. Her three innings are scoreless and the team is able to come back for the win.

This time I am invited to go out with them after the game and sit at the team table. I'm pulled into the girl’s room by Jodi and another girl I hardly knew. They change out of their uniforms. They have me hold their change of clothes so they don't touch the floor. It is an eye-opener to say the least. Sandy came into the girl’s room as they finish changing and just giggles at my predicament.

Sandy takes me with her after the game to her home and has me shower and change into a different outfit for the night. We have popcorn and watch TV for a while. It is a nice change to be a casual friend with a girl like I am one of them. As we watch TV Sandy redoes my make-up and then has me do hers. She’s a blonde with a lighter complexion. I am surprised how much that changes the use and look of makeup.

She has light hazel eyes that I think are hypnotizing. Since she has a game tomorrow they have a curfew tonight and the coach will call around to do a bed check. Sandy thanks for my help, asks if I like the outfit I have on, which I do. Then she says, "If you like it it's yours. Without thinking I get giddy and give her a kiss, but it’s like one girl thanking another. Her Dad drives me home.

My Sis is upset when she sees me come in dressed as Cami again. “Get out of those clothes and that is the last of it, do you hear?”

“Jenn, it wasn’t my idea.” I shower again and change back with no problem until I try to go to sleep. I was restless and up walking numerous times. I had a fitful night that included a nightmare of being caught by my Mom dressed as Cami and Mom spanks me like a little girl.

Come Saturday morning there is a note and $5 from Jenn to do the laundry. The five dollars always means there are more girl clothes than I will appreciate. Today’s wash includes a bunch of delicates that take more time to do properly. It is, however, good money for the nineteen sixties.

Today, the wash makes me more anxious than usual. It finally hits me as too much, when I go to put Jenn’s clothes away. I find myself staring at Jenn’s clothes in the closet thinking what I would be like to wear different dresses or outfits. In the back of my head I hear, “Stay out of those clothes and that is the last of it! So you hear?” I heard it loud and clear and even looked around to make sure it was just me thinking.

I have a selection of discard clothes, kept for emergencies and eventually to go to Goodwill. I wonder if Jenn has the same, so I look and strike gold. There they are last year’s summer clothes. I wait until I baited myself to wear some to cut the back lawn. With Jenn’s hat and sunglasses, no one would know it’s not her. Besides back there no one should see me.

I eat lunch and set out to cut the lawn. Mr. Hunt calls me from the over the fence, his wife has baked us a pie since our mom’s away. I did my best Jenn voice and seemingly got by. I am very thankful it isn’t Mrs. Kenny on the other side as her sight is better and she was more likely to have recognized me. The UPS carrier comes around back as he needs a package signed for and had heard the lawn mower. When I am all done I need a good shower. So if I used Mom’s soap what harm would it be?

I am barely out of the shower drying when the doorbell rings; it is Tricia for our school project, which I had forgotten about. I yell to answer through the door telling her, “Tricia count to five before opening; I need to run to my room and get dressed.” I am only at two when I hear the door open. Tricia giggles saying, “I guess I started counting too early.”

I finish drying off and brush out my hair till it begins to dry. When I got to my room I find a light-weight summer dress out on my bed. I decide not to say anything when I went out to Tricia.

Tricia and I went to the library and look through old newspapers and magazines for our report. We gathered anything that supports our report. President Eisenhower was a moderate man and had shown a breath of character, but Vice-President Nixon the Republican nominee in 1960 had already been labeled the ugly-American by the press in South America.

When we get back to my house I'm frustrated that Tricia still hadn’t mentioned the outfit in my room and I had finally worked up the courage to ask her about the dress. “Tricia, I think you know something about me but are not talking to me about it. I need to ask about what you left in my bedroom, it's kind of embarrassing.”

Tricia says, “I won’t say anything until you show it to me and tell me if you like it. But you might want to check a message on the front door first. It’s marked for you from someone Sandy.” I go and read the message just in time before I said too much.

Tricia is now coming out of my room. “O my Hal, or is it, Haley? No, I see the name is Cami.” When I look up Tricia has the dress off of its hanger and unzipped in the back. “I would like to see how you look in this with makeup.”

Tricia lifts my hand in hers and she has me tag along behind her back into my room. With a cheerful voice, Tricia says, “It is a pretty dress Cami, let’s just try it on.” I look at the sundress and instead of protesting, I try to figure out what would be appropriate to wear with it. I get out a pretty pair of panties, a bra and pantyhose accordingly; Tricia is intrigued that Hal knows what he's doing.

She says, “Just turn around to change you only have one part I haven’t seen.” I hesitate and only say, “But…” before I hear, “I said to change.” When I am ready to put on my bra, she changes the straps for a halter top. She has seen the style of the sundress. And when I step into the sundress she zips it up and hooks it in the back. She has to adjust the straps for the halter style a little more so they don't show.

I simply and humbly say thanks. When I turn around she lifts my head with her finger at my chin and smiles. “I guess this explains a few things. We need to do some makeup and brush your hair to finish the transformation. But I can see you make a pretty girl.”

“Why don’t you call Sandy, whoever she is, tell her that you have on the dress. Then ask her to come over make sure it looks right,” Tricia tells me. “Do you have some pretty shoes to go with it?” she asks as I call Sandy.

Sandy answers her phone, “We found the dress and I have it on, would you like to come over and see it. …Is it for something I don’t know about?” All Sandy will say is she would be right over.

Sandy says, “I don’t want to push you or cause any trouble. I hope it won’t cause you to be in trouble with your sister.”

She hangs up before I can answer.

Tricia asks, “Why don’t you start your makeup and I’ll do your hair.” Tricia is done with my hair and has found my earrings and necklace. She finishes my eyes as I put on my lipstick.

She takes my hand and we walk out to the living room and wait for Sandy. “So how long have you been doing this,” she asks to keep the conversation going and find out as much as possible. It never dawns on me to refuse a question. I relax for the most part, yet expect something bad to happen.

Sandy pulls into the driveway and Tricia opens the door as I stand back from the door. Sandy comes in with a smile having seen me there, and then she looks to see who opened the door. “What happened, you didn’t tell me that Tricia knew?”

“I didn’t tell her, it has been a comedy of errors; I thought she was the one who left the dress on my bed.” Sandy and Tricia giggle and couldn’t stop. “It’s not funny; I didn’t want to do it.”

Tricia abruptly says, “What was it that you didn’t want to do?”

“I didn’t want to put the dress on or call Sandy,” was my defensive reply.

“I didn’t force you, I just found the dress and asked you to put it on,” Tricia remarks. “I was surprised you didn’t protest, and you simply put it on along with a nice pair of panties, the bra, and everything.”

“That might be, but I was sure if I protested I would end up doing it under threats."

Sandy, “Cami, I didn’t want to get you in trouble, but my folks are very thankful for Cami's encouragement and want to take you to dinner, so I dropped off the dress.”

“‘Cami’, is a pretty name,” Tricia states questionably, “where did that come from?” After I explained, Tricia asks me to pose for a silhouette picture in front of our large picture window. She and Sandy take the pictures, there is a place that could develop and miniaturize the pictures. First, they shrink it down to fit a 5x7 photo and then miniaturized it to locket size.

We now fixed their makeup and hair and take similar pictures for both of them. Sandy takes us to the shopping center and we each purchase locket necklaces for our photos. Fitting Sandy’s photo and the locket is easy enough; we take it to see her mother’ reaction. Mrs. Johnston is tickled when Sandy gives her the locket.

Mrs. Johnston recognized the dress and thanks me, “Cami, thanks for helping our daughter.” I am invited to stay until we were to go to dinner. Sandy and I take Tricia home and go to get my purse from my house.

Jenn is now home and is surprised and upset to see us come into the house. She angrily asked what happened. Sandy fixed Jenn’s hair and makeup and we take her picture in front of the picture window and then one of the two of us.

“This picture would be wonderful for both your Mom and your Grandma!” Sandy comments.

“One problem,” Jenn replies. “They only have one daughter and granddaughter.” Sandy takes us to the mall to get two more lockets anyway. “Come next Mother’s Day you can explain what happened and I am sure they will each treasure their lockets.” It sounds like a sweet idea.

Jenn is amused that the Johnstons are taking me out for dinner. She even acknowledges I am very pretty in the sundress. Sandy go to softball practice and I'm with the Johnstons waiting until Sandy is home and showered. Then we go to a nice restaurant for a late dinner. Near the end of the dinner, two teenage boys approach Mr. Johnston and asked permission for his daughters to dance with them.

I am embarrassed not only about dancing with a boy, but my dance partner becomes aroused during our first dance. When he pulled me closer, I blushed to the point I had to push him away and walk quickly to the Ladies room. Sandy was close behind me and once inside gave me a hug and apologized. Though she wasn’t at fault, she felt responsible for me. Sandy found a nice guy to dance with me. She said on the way home, “I didn’t want a horny boy to leave the biggest impression on you. I was happy when you allowed Max to give you a kiss.” Her mother laughed though quietly.

When I got home my sister is upset again that I acted so much like a girl. "Mom just called, and I started to say, 'Her little girl was out dancing' and I had to backtrack. Then I told her you were over Roy’s dancing with the brush as you two had a paint project that needed to be done.”

“Did Mom catch the first part?” I angrily ask.

“Mom doesn’t miss too much, you know that. She said, ‘She had an image pop into her head of you prancing around dancing with a brush.’ And then she giggled and said ‘I think Hal would have been a pretty girl.’”

“Mom didn’t really say that, did she?”

“You can be sure she did. Now you get ready for bed, but I want your homework done before you go to sleep. Do you hear me?” Jenn says, “And if you want to be Mom’s pretty little daughter I have a pair of teddies out for you.”

I get ready for bed which took over 30 minutes with makeup to be removed. Jenn has a pair of teddies as well as my regular pajamas out. I change into Jenn’s old teddies. Then I went and I did my homework. My sister checks on me once more before we go to sleep.

“Hal, how are you doing in Summer school?”

“I thought I would surprise you and Mom. So far I have gotten strong Bs and maybe even A’s in both classes.”

Jenn acknowledges, “That will be a nice surprise for Mom. Miss Robbins and Tricia both say the same thing, so what is going on? Miss Robbins even told me you should continue whatever you are doing.”

“The only thing that has changed is you and your friends having dressed me as Cami and got me a date with Sal. ...Does that mean I should continue one or both,” I inquire?

To be continued…

I was told to get to bed as soon as my homework is done. Tonight at least I had better dreams. In one I asked Sis if she would allow me to go with them to Chicago. Instead of ‘No’, it was ‘we’ll need to see.’ But alas I didn’t get to go.

That was by far the hardest weekend of the summer so far. I was home alone and all I wanted to do was to be Cami. Saturday afternoon I ran a bubble bath in Mom’s bathtub. I had already showered and shaved my legs and underarms. I had gotten out panties, a bra, and found a silk slip as well as Mom’s dark blue cocktail dress. They were all laid out on her bed and I was a little girl all set to play dress-up. I slipped into the tub with the bubbles soon hiding any signs I’m not a girl. My long hair is over the back of the tub as I lay back.

I found a prescription of mom’s birth control pills and took one like they were magic pills that would make me into a girl. I didn’t expect anything would happen. I just dreamed I had some girl feelings. I enjoyed the bubble bath, feeling my skin extra nice because if the bath oils. The phone rang but I didn’t answer it; I wanted nothing to break the moment. I had a cup of water and took another magical pill.

I washed with a sponge along my arms, down my legs and used a gel on my face and let it dry into a mask. I felt smooth and sleek and my skin had the fragrance of lavender. I did well pat drying my body and blow drying my hair as I brushed it out. And after I was dry I wrapped the towel around me like a girl. I lay down on Mom’s bed dreaming. I didn’t want to wake up or open my eyes because I knew it would be real only if I believed and didn't look. It took me an hour to get dressed and made up, but that was okay because it needed to last my night at home.

My feelings were mixed between loving it and sorry I was neither a real girl nor that it would last. I dreamt in my mind about going out to dinner and being swept off my feet. I even dreamt of being loved. Calling it a night was even nice as I was a big girl who took care of her clothes. And then I prepared for bed. I had goosebumps and warm feelings getting into a pretty nightie. Tears filled eyes and emotions flowed over me. I thought that was how it must feel like a girl.

The nightgown was old and worn but it felt extravagant to me. I borrow one of Jenn’s extra stuff animals and held it tight and loved it as something precious. I didn’t know when I finally fell to sleep. I had heard the living room clock strike one before I fell asleep. Come morning I’m late in getting up. Grandma called over and said they would pick me up for the church service. I had to hurry change and get ready and make sure there were no signs of Cami.

I went to their place for Sunday dinner and helped Grandma before and after the meal. She put an apron on me when I helped her and it felt like a dress. Grandma wanted to cut my nails as she did when I was little, and I too wanted it. I allowed her to do it and she used pale pink nail polish. “Hal don’t take it off. It is so close to your regular color no one will notice. When I get home I called Grandma and thanked her for dinner and doing my nails. She laughed, “Are you sick Hal. You were so well behaved and now you’re showing good manners in thanking me.” We both giggle.

It was now the end of June going into July and the boys would come here for the 4th of July weekend and the country club social the night before. Jenn said, “This will be the last time you need to be Cami. And it is just in time. Mom had called and she will be home the end of next week.”

I had a full week of classes. Tricia and I handed in our report and gave our presentation to the class on Thursday. When I walk out of class, I gave Miss Robbins a hug and thanked her for helping me to be a good student.

Miss Robbins took hold of my hands and lifted them up, I knew she saw the manicured fingers of a girl but she didn’t say anything. She took a hold of my ponytail and she shifted it higher on my head. When I gave her a hug again, I felt a kiss on my forehead. She said, “I don’t know when I have seen you so happy, I hope your Mom is proud of you. Your mother will be so proud of how well you have done.”

I moved the ponytail back down; I felt so very good as I went on to the next class.

On my way home, I got a call from Sandy. “Hey Cami, can you and Sal be at the dance early. The softball team has a tournament game tomorrow and a 10:15 p.m. curfew tonight. We want some others to come early so you aren’t alone with a bunch of little kids and older people. Your sister and others don’t plan to be there until 9:30 p.m.”

“If you’d come early we could get ready together and I would help you,” Sandy said.

I knew I’d need help so I was happy to agree. “I will be over after 3:30 p.m. see you then,” Sandy said.

I changed to Cami’s voice and said, “Thank you so very much, Sandy.”

If this would be my last time as Cami, at least I would go out in style. I had actually bought a nice dress with a flower print that is neither too long nor too short. It is soft, silky smooth and felt like a cool shower wherever it touched my skin. I so looked forward to wearing it.

I knew it was just my imagination but since I had kept using my Mom’s pills, and this morning I swore I felt more like a girl. Bumps have begun to form around my nipples when I touched them. I didn’t know about if that ever happened before but I imagine that I was changing into Cami. Like a ballerina, I danced and twirled around the house. I even took small bites and sips to eat and drink acting like young women that I've seen.

I was still dancing around when Sandy tapped me on the shoulder. The music was loud enough I had not heard the doorbell, so Sandy let herself in. I jump off the floor when she did. Sandy took hold of me as I tried to run to my room. “Where do you think you are running off to Cami?”

Sandy had her dress with her and I made a fuss about how beautiful it was. She filled it out her dress so much better than I could, even in my dreams. “I’m jealous Sandy. You look so much more like a beautiful young woman.”

Sandy giggled at my statement, “Do I really look more like a young woman than you? I wonder why that would be.” She gave me a hug. Her waist was sleek yet firm, and I felt the warm softness of her breasts as she hugged me. I touched her face as I pulled back. It was Cami and not Hal that did so.

Sandy had not yet eaten so I quickly made her a sandwich, a scoop of cottage cheese with skim milk to drink. I eat some carrot sticks as we visited. We walked through the experiences of the past five weeks. We smiled and then giggled as we relived the different events. Things like the experience of having my ears pierced, trying on dresses, and Sal’s touch. Sandy and I talked about the various things we did, the cars I painted and whether I succeeded or not in being a girl. Sandy was complimentary saying I did make a cute young girl. I even managed to woo Sal into liking me.

Finally, I was back and checked which earrings I would select tonight. I second guessed colors as well as shades of my makeup and pantyhose. Down inside me, there were many emotions I couldn’t identify, I just knew I was excited.

Sandy had herself ready quickly and had me sit on a stool; it was like getting a makeover. “Cami, I like the colors you went with. I hope you too took pleasure in the experience of preparing for tonight. And when you look back on tonight and the past five weeks I hope you will be proud of it, all of it. I hope that doesn’t sound too silly.”

“You’re not leaving me are you Sandy?” I held her hand as I asked. She smiled and I said, “Sandy, I was so lucky to have you help me, not even my sister was here as much.”

“Cami, your sister and I are both nervous about you and tonight. She’s been there for you, but she was afraid of saying the wrong thing. I helped you with her blessing. I agree with her, I too want you to be extra careful tonight. We don’t want you to get hurt.”

“What are you talking about; I got one more date with a hot dude. Were you afraid I couldn’t handle him? My Mom’s home next week so I knew this would be the end of the story. You didn’t know it but I even did great in summer school, things couldn’t have been better.”

“Cami, Sal sees you as a hot girl, and if this is his last date with you, I expect him to come on strong and hot trying to woo you to do what he wants. You should not be so sure how he will treat you tonight. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“Sandy, I am glad you are concerned. I know I can’t get more involved. I just want to make sure Sal has a good time. He knew I was two years younger than the rest of you. The most we would do is going for a long walk so he can cool down and I could tell him good-bye.”

Sandy’s shook her head ‘no’, “Cami, he would more likely heat up than cool down if you go for a walk alone. I plead with you not to go walking off with him. Would you please promise to get a hold of me if you get in too deep?” I agreed just so Sandy would relax. I was not worried about Sal as I was hot enough about Cami’s last night out.

Jenn came in as Sandy and I made our way out to her car. “Little brother, you’re dressed pretty enough to break a boy's heart. I want you and Sal to have a good time. But I hope Sandy made our concern known to you. I can’t believe I am saying this to you. I’ve been where you are and I had to call Mom. Mom’s not here, but Sandy and I are; please let us be here for you if needed. I hope you have a great night and nothing goes wrong. However, I do feel responsible for getting you into this and I’ll feel a lot better when it is over.”

Sis and I gave each other a hug and a girl kiss. She shook her head as she mumbled, “I can’t believe this happened.” I slip into my seat as Sandy and I headed to meet our dates. Sal was happy to see me and surprised me with my first corsage. It was two beautiful roses which were full of fragrance and little white flowers around them. Sandy called them Baby's Breath which I thought was funny.

I melted a little as one of his hands slid under the top of my dress to pin on my corsage. He was a gentleman and his kiss was light yet sultry. It felt like our lips melted together. “Sal, you know my Aunt is coming home and even if I stayed around she would not allow me to date at this age?” Sal put a finger over my lips and then gave me another kiss.

It was a neat night as we danced a lot. When we’re not dancing he didn’t go off with the other guys like most. He enjoyed visiting with us. His hands were moving around, but I was not innocent either. As Cami, I liked the feel of his back and the strength of his arms as we danced slowly. He told me a few times I’m a hot looking girl that excited him. I don’t really want to make out with him, yuck, but I felt flattered he’ was excited to be with me as Cami.

Because of the softball girls being there the dance was well attended early; even Jenn and the rest of their group were there an extra half hour early. The dance floor like the night was aglow and just before 10:00 Sal and I needed to get out and cool down. Sandy and the team needed to get home for curfew and Jenn and Chuck was having their own great time. I felt confident that Sal and I were okay together.

The country club had a nice rose garden with a nice walk path, all was well. I enjoyed walking and talking with Sal. We sat down on a nice bench to talk some more. There’s too much traffic for a friendly time together. I was frustrated when every time we’re ready to wrap our arms around the other someone came along.

Sal asked, "Is it was alright if we walk down the path a little more so it would not be quite that busy. I need to be on my way home by 11:00 and I wanted to be able to say good-bye properly.” Sal was more than happy. He said, “I’m glad we’re taking it at your pace.”

We don’t walk more than 25 more feet and I pulled him off and we were leaning against a tree. Not totally out of sight, just enough off the path for a little privacy. There was something magical as I put my arms around his neck and looked into his eyes as we kissed. Our mouths opened a little and our lips were warm and moist. It was nice but it wasn’t the first time his tongue parted my lips. There weren’t fireworks at first, just growing warmth.

I don’t know if I first moaned or his hands slid down on my hips and onto my buns as he pulls me up close to him. One of my legs slip up around him, his hand had gone further than I expected. My body responded it was beautiful. There was nothing dirty about Sal’s affection to me. I could feel his love for me and mine for him.

Yes, he’s excited as he leaned against me but all I need to do was to speak up. “Sal, we need to get back to the dance.”

Sal paused, “But we don’t have that long and I want you to know how much I love you,” he said. I looked at his watch and it was already ten minutes before eleven.

The next kiss I initiated out of impulse, “Mmm, Sal this has been such a beautiful night. The corsage was so sweet and special. You warmed my heart, I knew you were experienced. And I am a lucky girl but I am younger and I can’t love you more than I do. I’m young and I just can’t.”

“Cami what makes you think I am so experienced? I haven’t fallen for another girl and I don’t want to walk away. I want you, and I don’t think that is so bad. I’m not talking about going all the way, but I do have protection. Just let us go as far as we can. I thought you wanted me, you’ve been coming onto me. I thought you wanted me. You felt like you were too hot.”

“I do like you, but I don’t think I can do what you want. I need to get home and…” I’m ready to lose it and cry.

“What’s this thing about getting home?”

“I.. I.. I meant, you know I’m staying at Jenn’s house and I need to get there. If Mom, her Mom find’s out I was out late, I’d be grounded.”

“What’s going on, you’ve already been visiting here longer than you said. Now you’re worried you’re to be grounded, what’s up?”

“Sal what can I do?” I touch his chest and then let my hand drop, “I need to get ho… back.”

Sal thought and then smiled, “We’re going to be the first at your house, so let’s go. You can show me where you live and we can make out there.” I began to cry and ran back through the dance to his car. Sal caught up to me and drove me home. We hugged and I felt safe. I was on my way home.

I forgot to tell Jenny I’m going home, but then I didn’t see her either. I saw Deb and Carol told them I was going home, and they giggled as I cuddled up to Sal. Sal’s being good as I move over and cuddle with him as I direct him to our house.

Jenn’s car is there at the house, so we park out front and began to kiss and Sal’s hands started to wander over my body. “Sal let me,” I brought my hands down to his lap loosening his belt and opening his zipper.

Sal says, “That’s more like it, we can both do it.” His hands are coming up my skirt when I backed to the door and he took a hold of me. “I can’t, I can’t Sal.”

Sal had a hold of one hand and demanded to know why I couldn’t. I shook my hand free and I’m free to get out of the car. His hands shook as he touched my breasts.

Sal said, “If someone told you, I’m… well, I’m not. I’m not you hear! I’m as red-blooded as any guy. You got me hot. What’s wrong with you or aren’t I good enough?”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Sal… I didn’t mean to lead you on; I'm not used to being a girl.” I run to the house, but I heard Sal ask out loud, “What do you mean, ‘not use to…’” I don’t hear the end as I slammed the door behind me.

When I got into the house and I slammed the door behind me, I leaned against it. I see Jenn but she’s with someone.

“Who’s there?” it’s my Mom’s voice. A bad time went from terrible to the worst possible ever. I began to cry and I ran to my room. ‘What am I going to say?’ I run and jump on my bed and started to cry my heart out.

I hear the doorbell and Mom answered it and whoever was there ran. Mom came to my room and found me crying. “Hal, what has happened?”

I continued to cry and told Mom, “Leave me alone, I’m sorry, but I can’t talk. I ruined my date and a…” the tears kept coming.

“Jenn, get in here, you two are going to tell me what has gone on,” Mom isn’t one for no answers. The light went on and I knew Mom was shocked, but she didn’t say anything...

Story to be continued…

Jenn came in, “You jerk, why are you still dressed? Now we are both in deep shit!”

“Jenn watch your language and why’s Hal dressed as a girl?” Mom’s not sure if she wants to yell or laugh, “Tell me young one whatever you are, how long have you been doing this? And Jenn, have you been behind this or just covering for him?”

Jenn began to tell Mom how it started and how she tried to get me out of it. Jenn even told how I’ve become a really good student at summer school. “Mom, he might be getting two A’s or at least one A and a B.” Mom wasn’t fazed about my grades.

“Jenn, please go get to bed and let me talk with your sister. By the way young lady, what is your name?” I still had my face in the pillow as Mom pulled me up to her and pulled me into a hug.

“You’re not angry with me Mom,” I asked? She hugged me, but something told me I was still in trouble. Mom waited me out, “My girl name was Cami.”

“Like Cameo huh? The answer to your question is angry doesn’t express it, I’m furious. But we need to talk and you don’t have to worry until your story is done and probably not until sometime tomorrow or the next day. I think you're more in need of a mother than for me to discipline you right now. And I don't think I'd trust myself disciplining you right now!”

“Mom, I can’t tell you.”

Mom asked, “Was that you who left the bath water in my tub? …Come on, I will run some fresh water for you and you need to take a bath and get dressed again before we can go and talk.”

“I can’t Mom, I’m too embarrassed.”

Mom says, “I’m not asking, I’m telling you what we are going to do. First, you need to get out of that dress and hang it properly. That’s a pretty dress and it looks new. Now get in my room and you’ll get your bath while I lay out some fresh clothes for you.” We walked into her room and she went in and started the water in the tub.

“Don’t push your luck with a false sense of humility,” Mom tells me.

“Mom, I didn’t mean to be Cami after the first time, but I couldn’t help myself. I knew it wouldn’t last and I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I didn’t expect being dressed as a girl felt so good. Being Cami kind of helps me to be a good student, and I feel good about myself.” Mom smiled as I hung up my dress.

“Mom, could you find out from Jenn where the solution is for removing these?” I indicated the breast forms I have on.

“They should be able to withstand the bath; now get in and do not take all night.” I look to her bed, she has out a skirt and blouse that she has placed over it. Mom goes back to her bedroom and changes her outfit.

I had cleansed my face before getting into the bath. Mom puts in some bubble bath with bath oil for my skin. I take off my bra and panties and then quickly slip into the water below the bubbles. I find myself relaxing and I am not feeling as nervous. Without thought I check my legs and underarms for hair, I’m sure Mom notices.

“So do you enjoy shaving your legs?” Mom asks.

“Shaving isn’t that much fun, but I like how it makes my legs feel, especially when air or a skirt moved across them.” My words caught in my throat as I realize what I’m saying and to whom I'm saying it. Usually, I have trouble visiting with my mother, but tonight under more stress it seems easier to talk with her.

“So Hal what changed at school? Miss Robbins saw your sister and told her whatever you’re doing is working for the better in class. How do you explain that?”

“I don’t know Mom. The school usually doesn’t hold my interest, but trying to help Roy and doing things with the girls got me to thinking. I now like trying harder to get my school work done. I even work hard to understand things better and make sure my homework is done properly. And when Miss Robbins and Tricia saw a little eye makeup I missed, I should have been embarrassed, but I wasn’t. They were nice about it and I relaxed saying it is just something silly. Taking part in school is all of a sudden important to me and I'm doing good… well.”

“Do you think they noticed signs of Cami after that?”

“I am sure they did, and I’m not sure what they thought. They just seemed happy for me and I appreciated that. Tricia and I worked on a class project together and that's when she discovered a little more.” I wanted to tell Mom more but had already said more than I intended.

“You think she found out a little more or you know she did?” Mom seems to suspect more.

“You always know more than I try to say. Well, Sandy brought over a dress of hers that I was to wear. She brought it over while I took a shower. But Sandy left and Tricia showed up for our project. I thought Tricia brought the dress and I started to say something before I found out Sandy had been here. Tricia told me about a message on the door and when I went to look; Tricia found the outfit. I broke down before I got my foot out of my mouth and I had to model it for her.”

Mom laughed, knowing I usually got away with my pranks, “You were caught, but seemingly your world didn’t come crashing in on you.”

“Tricia was just happy to learn what I was doing and like the other girls wanted to help me to be a better girl and she did.” Mom laughs some more and I begin to giggle.

“So Sal is out of your life and everyone is back to square one. Now you need to get back to being Hal right?”

“Wrong Mom, I hurt Sal and there was more than I knew. His friends thought he's gay. If they find out I’m a boy; they’ll think he’s gay for sure. Worse, Cami fell in love with him. He could have had me, Mom and he didn’t. I know he won’t trust me, and I don’t know what to do. But I owe him, this isn't his fault.”

“Well unless Cami or Sal leave town tonight you might just need to be Cami all this weekend. I am not excited about that idea, but I understand what you are saying.”

“I suspect you’ve seen that outfit I got out for you. We should go and have a mother/daughter time. But I need to tell Jenn she is not grounded this weekend. I suspect, she is still talking to her boyfriend.”

Mom chose a very pretty blouse and it fitted me well. The skirt is very nice, it goes down to mid-calf; definitely a more formal skirt. I undid three buttons along the side, forming a slit a little up pass my knees. Then I go to my room to put on two-inch heels that go well with the outfit, put on a bracelet and grab a purse.

“I kind of straightened things out with Jenn for now,” Mom says. “So now it will be you, girls, worrying what's going to happen. And when I am going to hold the two of you responsible.” Mom’s giggles, and somehow it is at our expense. “That is a nice choice on the shoes. Did you buy or borrow the cute purse? Jenn told me, you already have a good sense of fashion. It looks to be true.”

Mom watches me get into the car and she takes us to Monaco’s the next town over. It’s a nice night spot and we will have at least two hours to visit. Mom asks what kind of things we did as girls. We talk about my painting cars with Roy and about Summer school including my project with Tricia. Our conversation moves along well and I'm relaxed as Cami.

Then Mom shares with a note of concern, “Jenn says, you and Sal kissed, even before tonight. So you have affections for him. How does it feel kissing and dating another boy?”

I grew apprehensive, I tried to say something but not everything. “I agreed just to do it for Jenn and her friends if they could make me look like a real girl. I felt safe knowing they wouldn’t be able to do that. They proved me wrong and even used my girl singing voice against me. I didn’t expect wearing girl clothes would feel so good. It's like a rainbow of colors went off and I enjoy all that I wear, and the subtle fragrances girls have. I like being wrapped up in them.”

They look and feel nice to a guy, but as a girl it kind of engulfed me. Those feelings aren’t there just when another girl is around. When I did something with Sal the colors and fragrance helped me to enjoy our time together. I liked that, so when he asked about another time I said yes without thinking. He’s a really nice boy and I made a passable girl. I thought it would be safe. When he first kissed me goodnight, I felt something that I knew I shouldn’t. That was when I agreed to see him again.”

“I’m sorry Mom but it felt good and I feel like I'm Cami. I know it sounds sick, but inside it felt good and alright. I was sure being Cami wouldn’t last, so I didn’t stop it. I’m sorry.”

“Cami,” Mom says, and I know she is being nice, “relax we are just talking and I am not angry with you. Are you upset with yourself because you shouldn’t have done it or are you sorry because you like it?”

I thought a moment, “I’m afraid both, I was being someone I wasn’t and Sal didn’t know it. I worried that it meant I'm gay or one of those people who gets off on looking like a girl. I’m not a homosexual Mom but I don’t know why I enjoy this so much.” I well up with tears and Mom moves closer to me and reaches to hold my hand. It feels like we're mother and daughter. I am kind of happy that I got caught if only to have we have this moment.

Mom’s acceptance, in some ways makes things even harder. I think it would have been easier if she just said “No!” and got angry with me. But she’s being nice and listening to me. “Mom, I look like a pretty girl, and we’re out in public talking, doesn’t that upset you?” Mom hugs me again and I feel warm and good in her arms.

“Things are a lot different than what I thought I would be coming home too. But something deep down tells me I need to be a mother first and let you know that I love you. Whether it’s right or not we will have time later to talk about.”

As the hug lets up I sense someone else is there and as we look up there is a woman standing near our table. As we both look up, Mom says, “Hello Karen, thanks for coming. Karen, I would like to introduce Cami and my son Hal. I am not sure but Cami is the name my mother, her grandmother wanted for my second daughter.” There’s a pause. “My Mom thought I looked like one of her Cameo pins, thus she came up with the suggestion of Cami for my second daughter. When our son was born, James named him Halsey.”

“Cami, Karen is a good friend and she is also a Psychiatrist, Dr. Karen Davenport. I asked if she could meet us here.” Karen has a pleasant demeanor and I smile back as she sits down with us.

“I planned to stop being Cami tonight but I think you’re here because I have planned to stop being Cami the last four weeks. And I didn’t plan on Mom finding me like this. Do you have any potions, chants or magic words to help me quit doing this do you?”

“I suspect you are smart enough to know that won’t happen. Is it okay if I call you Cami for now or would you prefer Hal?” Dr. Davenport asks. She's warm and how she talks helps me to relax.

“I would like the easiest way out of what I got myself into,” says Cami. But I'm not sure I mean it.

“Karen, from what her sister says, Cami has been showing a new personality and has emotionally developed an attachment and feelings with a boy named Sal. While Hal says he wants to be quit dressing as Cami he doesn’t follow through. And if I understood it right, Cami’s now afraid she hurt Sal. And that he will be hurt more if others think he fell for a boy in a dress.”

Karen spoke up, “Cami is your Mom correct about your personality, your feelings and what has happened between you and this Sal? How many times have you seen him?”

I could feel me getting in deeper into what I did not want to acknowledge, “Probably, but I didn’t mean to, it just felt nice to be Cami. I wouldn’t mind being there for Sal, but I don’t think he will trust me. I wouldn’t even mind being in love with him, but I know the feelings can’t be real. …I’m afraid to tell you what happened. I don’t want you or Mom to think I am really like that.”

“If you were old enough and if you were really a girl do you think you and Sal might have made out tonight,” Dr. Karen asks? I should be embarrassed at a question like that.

I closed my eyes as the statement sent images and feelings through me. I see me give into Sal and I feel him enter my body between my legs. The feelings mounted as I remember Dr. Karen’s question. I look up to her, as I say, “I am afraid I would have, the idea felt good.”

She smiles, “Do you mean you just imagined him with you making love?”

“It was not like we finished. I don’t even know what it would really feel like, but I guess so.” Mom presses my hand, and I feel safe and I'm hoping that she is not angry with me.

Dr. Karen Davenport says, “Cami/Hal you are a remarkable person and I think we have shared enough that I would like to meet with you sometime in the near future. I don’t want to tell you what to do about Cami. I don’t want you to get hurt and I hear your desire to help Sal if you can. He is in a predicament not of his making.”

“My experience is that healthy people tend to discount what you have gone through and how you feel. It feels very real to you for a reason. I want you to know I hear and feel for you and I hope we can work together.”

I could hear Cami down inside of me, ‘She knows I am real.’ I hope I can accept me as well. ‘Look I am having a mother-daughter time.’ “Mom, could we have a piece of pie or something before we go home?”

We got pie and water refills and left sometime after 2:00 a.m.

This time home I get undress and take care of my makeup and hair by myself.

I fell asleep by 3:00 and got up before 9:00 a.m. I actually woke earlier and tried going back to sleep but I thought too much as Cami and Hal to get back to sleep.

I am sure Mom’s not actually comfortable with all that happened, but she’s very supportive. She suggests I work around the house with Jenn and to do so as Cami. Mom answers a call from Sal, but she, not me, talks with him. All I knew is that she asks him to call back when he cools down and thinks about whatever they talked about.

I work in the house until 2:00 pm. and then change into some shorts and an ordinary T-styled blouse to rake the back lawn and do some edging. The Brandts next door see me, but I’m not sure if they recognize me.

The lawn is finished and I finish taking a shower by 4:00 pm. I dress casually for Cami as I walk out to find Mom and Jenn. Jenn is to be going out with Chuck. I'm happy that I had not wrecked things for Jenn. Mom’s talks on the phone. When she hangs up the phone she tells me Sal will be coming over in about five minutes.

Panic begins to set in, "Mom why did you invite him here?” I’m angry.

“You said you don’t want him to get hurt any more than he already feels. I told him you want to help him if you could. He’s not sure who you are, but I told him you want to be his friend. That you are younger than the others. I am not sure if you are ready to answer about who you are, but I thought that’s up to you.” Mom says, “I’ll be supportive as long as he won’t get violent toward you.”

I thought quickly that I could be supportive of him. I knew Mom wouldn’t leave us alone. I knew it's silly that I still have feelings for Sal and want to know if he has feelings for me. I go to my room to check my makeup. I dress into something casual but prettier, I didn’t get dressed up like I might have if Mom weren't there but I want to be presentable as Cami.

The doorbell rings and I knew Sal was here so I composed myself and make my way toward the door. I had not expected Sandy, Rod, and Chuck to come at the same time. My Mom’s expression shows neither had she. Mom calls for Jenn and if five of them left immediately maybe my visit with Sal could be salvaged...

To be continued…

The doorbell rang and I knew Sal was here so I composed myself and made my way toward the door. I was not expecting Sandy, Rod, and Chuck to come at the same time. By Mom’s expression, neither was she. Mom called for Jenn and if four of them left immediately may be the visit could be salvaged.

Sandy was surprised to see Mom and me as Cami, but with little or no hesitation she told me, “Cami grab your purse and you and Sal can come with us.”

Sal asked where they were going, and as Jenn came into the room, Chuck said they were going to the eat and then the drive-in. Sal spoke up and said, “Cami and I would like to go somewhere where we can visit. I think we will just go out to eat instead.”

Jenn said, “I feel responsible for getting Cami into this and I don’t think I should go and leave my cousin Cami alone.”

Sandy hugged Jenn and told her, “I think your Mom has things under control and wants us to leave.” Sandy then gave my Mom a hug, but I don’t know if they spoke. Then Sandy came and gave me a hug, whispering, “Cami, if you’re in trouble let me know, Jenn and I will both stay. We really do owe you.”

“Sis, Mom is going to visit with Sal and me and then Sal and I plan to go eat.”

With that Sandy, Rod, Chuck, and Jenn left. Mom asked Sal and me to be seated. Sal turned to me, “Why did you call Jenn your Sis if you’re cousins?”

I wanted to just cover myself and make up a story, but Mom asked Sal to be seated. “I am sorry and I didn’t mean to hurt you. Jenn is my sister and I’m her brother. I was just to pretend to be a girl the first night.” Sal quickly got upset and neither Mom nor I were sure what Sal would do.

Mom spoke, “Sal you seem to be a good young man, but you told me you too have issues. I don’t excuse Cami, but I think she is trying to make it so you don’t get hurt any more than you already have.”

I said, “I’m sorry, but I didn’t expect as Cami I would feel as I did.”

“You mean you’re not gay nor that you knew others think I am? I went out with a guy in seventh through ninth grade as well as girls but for two years I have just been going out only with girls. But now I am not sure if I fell for a girl or a guy. And if others find out you’re a guy, it won’t matter because I’ll be branded as being gay.”

“Until I called this morning, I hated you terrible and I was tearing at myself not sure what I am because I thought I fell in love with a beautiful girl but I wasn’t sure.”

I started to cry and Sal came and took a hold of me and I cried on his shoulder. Mom said, “When Cami came through the door last night and instead of my son I saw Cami as this beautiful girl, I was upset with her as well. I quickly came to realize Cami in trying to help her sister became Cami. She seemingly from the first night started to become Cami; a girl who found she was falling in love with you.”

“Right now I am not sure if I am going to have a son or a daughter. She and I will take the responsibility to figure that out in the days ahead. But…” Mom started to say.

“But I feel bad, I deceived you, and I do like you, but not as a boy, I am sorry that I hurt you. I don’t want you to be hurt by your friends. If you wanted me to I would act like a girlfriend through tomorrow. I expect you will hate me and I probably deserve that,” I said.

“Are you saying as Cami you fell for me as a girl? How could you do that for me?” Sal asked.

“The attention of Jenn’s four beautiful friends; I was kind of living the fantasy of a princess and the feelings engulfed me. Two people at Summer school caught me after the first day with some makeup I missed. The more I denied things, things just snowballed. And all the other girls made me feel lucky to be going out with you. And when you first kissed me, Cami liked it.”

“My problem would not be pretending I like you, because I really did fall for you as Cami,” Sal said. “Why did you let me come onto you last night? I could have made love to you or gotten very angry and beaten the shit out of you.”

“Sandy warned me that I was playing with fire, but I couldn’t believe a guy could fall for me. Sandy and Jenn knew I was in denial of my feelings as Cami for you,” I confessed.

I could see thoughts were running in Sal’s mind. “So if we were going to catch up with those guys for the Drive-in, what would happen if I ended up kissing you?” Sal asked me. He also looked at my Mom.

I didn’t dare say anything, because Cami and all my girl feelings were resurfacing. We both looked to Mom. I knew, she in some ways was uncomfortable, but she saw the love of Sal for Cami and me mentally and emotionally as Cami.

Finally, I dared to speak up, “Sal, let me quickly redo my makeup and fix my hair. I think we could catch them before they head to the drive-in.” Mom came into my room as I fixed my makeup and hair. She brushed my hair and improved the style and added a barrette. When I was finished with my make-up she gave me a hug and wished me a good evening. “Cami, I’m not sure about this; please know you can back out or call me if you need too.”

“Mom, if I don’t the others will ask questions and Sal will be embarrassed. Does Cami look passable?”

“Truthfully Cami, you look as pretty as any of the other girls. Be careful, because Sal and the others will only see Cami.”

When we got into the car, I sat as a regular passenger until Sal patted the seat and asked me to scoot next to him. His right hand rubbed against my legs as he shifted gears. At the first red traffic light, Sal gave me a kiss. We drove down Route 66 to the dinner the group used before. It was a good distance but it was within three miles of the drive-in.

Jenn and Sandy were especially surprised yet pleased to see us. We got two malts and decided to make do with that, before the drive-in. I was amused, in the parking lot that several cars could have been painted by Roy. Sal’s car drew the attention of others and I was the hot babe showing it off.

I had wondered if Chuck, Rod or the other guys knew about me, but when Chuck slipped Sal a condom I was pretty sure they did not. I giggled in my head thinking the condom wasn’t needed’ but it did start me thinking. What if? What if, Sal was interested and came on to me?”

Once at the drive-in, the group met out in front of the cars before the movies started. There was neat chemistry between the groups and couples being together. I leaned back in Sal’s arms, thinking how much we looked like just another one of the couples. Sandy pulled my hand to go to the women’s room. I was glad, it was a lot cleaner than the men’s room.

Sandy wanted to know if I was okay; she was becoming my second big sister which I appreciated greatly. “He loves you like a girl, doesn’t he?” she asked. “And it’s Cami who loves him too, isn’t it?”

“Sandy, I don’t know why but I am kind of glad someone knows and understands. It feels so beautiful even if it shouldn’t.” Sandy gave me a hug as we went to find our guys. Sal had bought me a large drink though I asked for a small one.

If I get back to being a guy, I don't think to get a woman something bigger is being nicer. Sal pointed to the speaker on his side, “I need to get in on your side.” But as he did he pushed the back of my seat forward, hopped in the back, “quickly follow me” and I got in the back with him.

“But Sal, you know I’m…” he put a finger over my mouth, “Yes, we both knew, so if something happens, we both know.” We shared a drink as the previews started and we moved around to get comfortable.

Then just as the movie was starting my door opened and Jenn stuck her head in to speak to us.

“Jenn, what’s up...? Hurry you two get in and close the door,” I said. Jenn was half turned to me, inferring “What’s going on?” Chuck was in and I told him, “Kiss her so she quits talking and we can each enjoy ourselves.” The next few minutes we went through a rendition of “But… More…, But… More…, but … more,” and then “More…” and we were in agreement.

For Sal and me it was a long, enjoyable forty plus minutes of kissing and petting. It was all relatively new and quite enjoyable to me. But Sal was growing restless and wanted us to change positions. I held his jaw long enough to begin a warm kiss, with my hand moving down to his crotch, to begin to pull down his zipper. I couldn’t believe I was doing it. It was however what I wanted.

I couldn’t believe myself, but I was pulling him out and undid his belt and the top of his pants. I don’t remember when or how his shirt came off, but my lips and hands were gliding over his chest with joy. When Sal sought to talk, we were mutual in our kiss to stop his words. Then I would slide back down, the last time I nibbled on his nipple and chest hair. Finally, I felt like his hard shaft and throbbing head were pushing me back and giving me a new focus.

“Focus” that’s funny as though one can see clearly. I saw enough as my hand had a hold of his rod and my mouth was open breathing down on his him. My tongue went out and reached down; we were both warm if not hot, and my tongue and lips would make us both moist. It was as though I was playing with a large straw as I teasingly swallowed the head with my lips with a light sucking. Up and off, I looked up to his eyes as I went back down. I imagined what I should be doing like I had done it before.

Sal seemed long and thick; I didn’t know if the throbbing was in time with his heart or what? But it had a rhythm and was strong getting stronger. I didn’t know why I knew, but suddenly I knew he was ready to burst. I took a deep breath ready for him as he began to explode. I took him in and breathed through my nose. Trying to swallow as well as taste and feel the man I was in love with. As he relaxed and subsided, I sucked and licked him clean, proud of what we were finishing.

He lifted his butt and I scooted his underpants back up and his pants back together. We squirmed, moved and changed positions as he sat up and I sat leaning back. I heard and could tell, Jenn and Chuck were a bit behind us getting to their climaxing moments. I felt, ‘A brother should not be sharing this moment, a brother has not; this has been all Cami’s moment.’

Jenn was feeling a joy I felt in part, a time neither of us could share with our Mom. I leaned against the passenger side and Jenn was up leaning against the driver’s door as our eyes met. Both of us had a gentle smile that shared the moment. It probably shouldn’t have been but it was. Neither would discount the moment, I was glad of that.

As the movie ended Chuck and Jenn made their way out of the car. Sal and I were arm in arm and did not know what to say as the car cooled down. I made my way out of the back seat and Sal came out behind me, tucking in the last of his shirt. We again stood around the front of two cars. Some people were leaving after the first of a double feature. We talked and visited another fifteen minutes. We too decided to return to the diner and skip the second film. The girls filled in pieces of the first film so we would know enough of what we came to see.

This time as we came in the guys grabbed a couple of large tables while we girls made our way to the restroom. We took turns using the loo as well as the mirror, the latter for makeup and hair as well as to wash up. Chocolate chip mint ice cream seemed the way to go to top off the evening and to refresh one’s mouth and breath.

Sandy had announced a cookout to end the weekend as Sal and I left to get home. I had to keep Sal awake as we drove back and got to my house. We had been sitting for about five minutes, not sure what to do. It was another ten-minute ride to where the guys were staying. Mom came out and sized up the moment and went for a pillow and blanket for the couch. “You young lady go and get ready for bed and make sure you have a robe if you come back out to say goodnight.”

“You sir will sleep on the sofa and if your feet hit the floor or she sits on the cushions, both of you will be dead. Hopefully, you won’t even be thinking any such things.” We visited with Mom and she could tell we were both more boy and girl during the evening than anticipated.

“Cami, your Grandmother is expecting a call from you. She said she would be up until midnight.” It was 12:15, so I suggested it was too late. “Your Grandma knows about you Cami and would like to hear your voice and to visit just a little.”

I dialed and as she answered, I was a weepy little girl saying, “Grandma, its Cami calling.” Grandma had seen me twice the past few weeks thinking it was Jenn or someone she didn’t know, but feeling neither was quite right. Like Mom, she was not comfortable about me being Cami, but she and Grandpa wanted to see me for themselves. I was told we would be together the next evening.

I was back out to the living room and Mom gave me the same rules she laid down to Sal. I asked, “Is it alright if I scoot on the floor next to him and we talk about fifteen minutes?”

“You and Sal did a little more than just go to the drive-in!” Mom said. I looked at Sal, “How dare you tell my Mom! We agreed not to.”

“He didn’t you just did. I was fishing, and you took the bait,” Mom said. “I thought you weren’t going to do anything. So tell me what happened.”

“Mom, I can’t, please don’t try to make me,” I said.

“Just make sure you share with Karen when you see her,” Mom said. “Will you agree to do that?”

“Yes, Mom I will share with Dr. Davenport...

To be continued…

I was back out to the living room and Mom laid down the same rules she laid down to Sal. I asked, “Is it alright if I scoot on the floor next to him and we talk about fifteen minutes?”

“You and Sal did a little more than just go to the drive-in!” Mom said. I looked at Sal, “How dare you tell my Mom! We agreed not to.”

“He didn’t you just did. I was fishing, and you took the bait,” Mom said. “I thought you weren’t going to do anything. So tell me what happened.”

“Mom, I can’t, please don’t try to make me,” I said.

“Okay just make sure you share with Karen when you see her,” Mom said. “Will you agree to do that?”

“Yes Mom I will share with Dr. Davenport.

It was Monday when Mom drove me to Dr. Karen Davenport’s office. I was surprised to find that Dr. Davenport, a woman, was the head person in Life’s Pathways, Inc. There was a staff of six other professionals and a support staff of another five people. And while the building had physical therapy, rehabilitation and an occupation rehab clinic housed in this good size building, Mom said Karen and Pathways owned the building and grounds.

When I insinuated Karen must have come from money; Mom informed me otherwise. “Honey, I am not trying to overly impress you, but I did want you to know how top-notch she is. You should be impressed that this caliber of a woman went out of her way to see you the other night.”

“Mom she must think the world of you to see your kid and how she might help?”

“I guess you’re right; but just over a year ago, she said if we had a problem in the family that came out of the clear blue to call her,” Mom smiled in reply. “I think this qualified.”

I had an hour and a half of tests to fill out or go through with the help of Rhonda one of her assistants. At the end of the tests as we chatted Rhonda asked, “How hard was it to say good-bye to Sal?”

I began to sob as I said, “Please don’t tell my Mom but I couldn’t say good-bye to him.”

Rhonda patted my hand, “I’m not sure, but I don’t think she or Dr. Davenport will be surprised by that.” Dr. Davenport came into the room with Rhonda and me. I knew she was a professional but I thought she would be angry with me because she knew my Mom.

“Rhonda, are you through with Hal?” “Hal would you please call me Karen if you are comfortable and we’ll be meeting in my office, the remainder of our time.” “Thanks for your help Rhonda,” Dr. Davenport said as I walked ahead of her to her office.

Karen sat in a chair near me instead of sitting on the other side of her desk. It wasn’t a big thing but it helped me to relax. “You’ve presented yourself today as Hal, but Rhonda’s notes say you used your left hand to do your exams and often spoke in Cami’s voice when you talked with her. Does Hal mind sharing his life with Cami?”

I worked hard to speak as Hal, “I don’t see it as a contest; I think Cami is part of who I am.”

Dr. Davenport said, “So you see yourself as one person? Could you tell me how Hal might be different from Cami?”

“The only difference I’ve experienced is that I am a better student and a lot happier when I’m Cami or conscious of Cami.” I felt a need to tell her how I sometimes wore a skirt from Cami and did my homework left-handed.

We visited about forty-five minutes before she told me my session was finally over. “But I need to tell you something Sal and I did. I promised my mother I would tell you.”

“Why don’t you wait until next week and then Cami won’t be rushed and we can talk more about whatever it is?”

“Thank you but when you say Cami, will it be okay if I came as Cami?”

“Yes, in fact, if it is all right with you I’d like you to be Cami this week until we see each other next Monday. If you ever get tired of being Cami, that is okay and you can just stop and come back as Hal. Whether you can date that will be up to your Mom and should be more about your age and appropriate behavior.”

Dr. Karen met with my Mom for about five minutes and then we left. Mom did not pry, but I told her about my visit. We talked about me, Hal, being happier and more complete as Cami. We were about to get out of the car to go to the house when Mom had me stop for a moment. “Have you realized since before we left the doctor’s office you have been in Cami mode, even though you are dressed as Hal.”

“Are you going to be embarrassed if I slip and someone like the Kenneys, think I’m a sissy?”

“I need to ask, do you see yourself as a sissy?”

“No, but people don’t think of Hal as a girl like I sometimes do.”

Mom smiles that is good because Mrs. Kenney is already walking over. I tried to quickly get out of the car and run into the house. When Mrs. Kenney called to me, “Please don’t run away, I just wanted you to know…” I stopped and turned to her; Mrs. Kenny was like another Grandma. Truth was, I was afraid to tell her.

“You need to know I love you and you can come over to Grandma Kenney’s and talk whenever. I’ve seen glimpses of you but I didn’t want to embarrass you to think you were caught.” Mrs. Kenny gave me a hug. “I just prayed that your sister wasn’t forcing you to do something you didn’t want.”

“Mrs. Kenny, how did you know I wasn’t being forced?”

“There were two times you left with your sister’s friend Sandy and both times you were giggling like a girl. I was so happy for you that it made me cry.”

“What do you mean it made you cry,” I asked?

Mom knew the story and suggested we visit inside. Mom had ordered Chinese and invited Mrs. Kenny to stay for dinner. I sat on the sofa urging Mrs. Kenny to tell me what she meant.

“Do you remember me telling you about my nephew Paul who was killed fighting in Korea?” “…I knew he was different, but back then when a boy liked to dress as a girl he was called a lot of nasty things as well as threatened. But he always told me he wasn’t. He even needed to deny he was sick to get in the service. I know you’re not sick, but most people don’t know how to relate. You are very lucky to have the family and friends you do.”

“I got a letter one time from Paul on his second deployment back to Korea. He wanted someone to know he chose to take dangerous assignments.” Mrs. Kenny cried but she was not willing to breakdown. “He wrote me that he didn’t have much of a future back here. I felt awful bad when word came had been killed. Paul even sent me a picture of himself as Paula.”

I realized I had seen the picture of Paula, but the Kennys’ would never talk about her. She looked pretty enough but I thought she might have been a tomboy. Mrs. Kenny realized I was being extra quiet. “I don’t know how you see yourself, but it is important to me that I’m your friend. …I’ve worried about you ever since your sister didn’t want her little brother around.”

“I wasn’t girly back then, why were you worried,” I asked?

“That was when you felt a need to prove how much of a tough boy you were. It reminded me so much of Paul at that age. Then a year after Mr. Kenny died you stopped coming over. When I asked you why? You said, “Because other boys think I’m a sissy.” And when I asked you to name one you said, “I do?”

“I tried to tell you, deep down you are a tender boy and being so was no sissy thing. You ran away that day. We’ve been especially close since then but neither of us would talk about that time. You would sometimes cry then kind of like you are crying now, just on the inside.”

I tried to pull away; I wanted to run to my room. Mrs. Kenny held my hand and Mom knelt beside me. I felt her arm hug me. “Would it be okay if I saw you dressed as that girl?”

“I don’t think you would want to see me dressed as Cami right now.”

“Cami, is that your name? It is very pretty like the girl I’ve been seeing.” Mrs. Kenny smiled, “You know a girl isn’t going to be a fashion plate every time she dresses up.” I looked to see if she was serious and then I looked to Mom. Mom gave me a kiss on the forehead and a lift up.

I called into Jenn’s room for her to help me as I went to change. She told me to wash my face and get out of Hal’s clothes. It was a yellow linen skirt and a white blouse with a rose print that she had out for me. We were just about finished with my makeup and hair when Mom called to us that the food was there.

I stepped out to the living area hand in hand with my sister, and Mrs. Kenny’s smile was worth a million. “O’ darling you do a grandma’s heart good.” “Yes, she does,” it’s my grandparents on Dad’s side.

Mom came over to me and she was wearing the Cameo pendant Jen and I had gotten for her. I was choked up and couldn’t speak. “Cami, this doesn’t mean your journey is done and Hal is gone. It is something we will need to take time to see.”

Later, when I was ready for bed, Mom came into my room and closed the door. “We need to talk just a little before you go to sleep.” I sat up. “There are some things that need to happen and some rules you need to know.”

“Roy and your close friends need to learn about Cami from you and sooner the better. I or your sister or grandpa can be there with you. Roy thought a lot of your Dad and really likes you. It could be tough for him to hear and accept but that is something we can live with.”

“You are going to be a freshmyn and no daughter or son of mine will be sleeping around. You might have been intimate with Sal and I wouldn’t be surprised if you two feel you’re in love. You will need to take time to see how real it is. If it is real it will last till the proper time. Being a girl is not just about clothes, appearance or being with a boy; it most definitely is not just about sex.”

Mom’s smile was growing, “Worse for you, you just showed that you can be a good student. But your grades before summer school don’t show it. Ms. Robbins may be a believer, but it will be Hal’s transcript that follows you to high school. Ms. Robbins said you can put all that behind you eventually with your high school transcript.”

“Mom, would it be possible to come the beginning of next school year that it would be Cami that goes to school?” Mom smiles as I give her a big hug. “You aren’t making any promises, are you? I’m just glad you didn’t say no.”

“We might be painting your room, and Sandy asked me if she could go with us to get a new bedspread and curtains. I told her to be here by 9:30 tomorrow morning if she’s serious about shopping with us.” Mom paused and then said, “Jenn said she’s become like your second big sister. Jenn said, Sandy feels responsible for you. Tomorrow the responsibility switches to you and your mother.”

I would have slept like a dream, but I dreamt with my eyes open half the night. I felt sorry for Hal kind of fading into the background. I wondered if that was what I really wanted. For now, I have a boy’s body trying to express what a girl is feeling. Dressed as Cami, I’m afraid Hal is showing.

Before Sandy came and we went shopping, I had washed my delicates in the sink and hung them around the bathroom to dry. Somehow it was different from when I did a few things for Jenn. I wondered if even then part of me liked washing girls’ clothes.

It was 9:25 when Sandy rang the doorbell and I answered. She was happy to see me in one of the outfits she helped me buy. “I get to be Cami this week,” I told Sandy, like some ignorant boy. I took her by the hand and sat down with her in the living room. “Let me start again; I guess Mom and a doctor friend of hers realize it might not be as simple as Cami putting away her dresses and Hal wearing dirty jeans. Plus I’m afraid if I wear a T-shirt my nipples will show.”

Sandy giggled and touched my cheek softly. “I hope you don’t mind. I told my folks what happened and they are surprised your Mom hadn’t called and complained. Your Mom had to talk to my Mom before I could come over and go shopping.”

“Mom said, you needed to know that she and I are now responsible for who I am. Nothing is certain but I met with a neat doctor yesterday. She didn’t look at me as someone from Mars. Mom needs to be back to work tomorrow. I hope she will let Jenn and I ride with her into work sometime so we could see the guys.”

Sandy and I talked about what would be an appropriate bedspread. I told her I didn’t want little girl stuff. Sandy told me not to hurry and grow up. We agreed, a doll with a nice dress could be seated on my pillow and a stuffed animal would be appropriate. A baby tiger would be okay or a kitten might be better. Sandy said, “Even if or when you go back to being Hal, he should remember Camelot.”

That brought back memories of President John Kennedy being killed last year.

Mom wasn’t happy that Jenn, Sandy and I all sat in the back seat to the stores. It wasn’t long and we settled on a pretty pink and blue spread for the bed and the store had matching curtains to go with them. The saleswoman laughed when I said even a boy wouldn’t mind sleep in the room with them.

Mom insisted I buy some summer shorts, another dress and most of all a girl’s swimsuit. I didn’t mind the dress or the shorts and the tops to go with them. The swimsuit I protested, putting my foot down I said, “I won’t buy one!”

I think I just pushed Mom over the edge, I could sense she was ready to put her foot down even harder. “Okay spoiled little girl. It is time you learn another lesson. It is not good for a girl to have just one swimsuit like I was going to let you get away with. Jenn and Sandy can pick one and I will pick the other, but you will cooperate and try on both. Another outburst and you will be spanked like a little girl if you continue to act like one.

I was fortunate as there were some ugly swimsuits and several that were girly like a grandmother might choose. They were both one-piece suits, one a pink one with red hearts of various sizes. The suit Sandy and Jenn picked was a powder blue and had three layers white ruffles around the bottom. And back then wearing a girl’s bathing cap was usually seen as a must.

Grandma called, she and grandpa were taking us out for dinner. I was very nervous as we went to a restaurant we had been to as a family. Grandma squeezed my hand, “Mrs. Giraldi knows I have another granddaughter with us this summer.

Sunday afternoon I went over to Roy’s house, I was dressed as Hal, but forgot my fingernails were polished. Roy noticed, “Have you come over to explain why Cami’s painting Sal’s car had your touch all over it?”

“Are you mad at me,” I asked?

“It was a little troubling for me to think you had continued to dress as Cami. I’ve seen you twice the past few weeks and the one I thought was Cami, was total 'girl'. When you came to paint you were happy and talkative or you stayed away from me like I did something wrong. Please tell me what is up?”

“My Mom came home early a few nights ago and found me as Cami. I might be staying as Cami after summer school. Mom said I needed to tell you.”

Roy sat down in shock, “Did you sniff the color paints too much, what happened? Would you mind if we went in and you told my mother? I don’t think she’ll believe me if I tell her.”

“But what will she say and what if you’re sisters are there,” I asked?

“If you’re going to be coming down here as Cami they will need to know. My sisters might just take a shine to a girl grease monkey.” I smiled as we went into the house. Kassia, Cassie, and Irenka, Irena were both home and with their mother when we went to speak to her. Kassia or Cassie as I call her is my age but a year ahead of me in school. Irenka is a grade ahead of her sister and she is smiling like she knows something.

Mrs. Hardgroote looks up and crosses herself as Roy calls his mother over. “Mother, Hal has shared something he’d like to share with us.” My face goes beet red as his sisters are stuck to their mother. His mother looks at my fingers and grabs a hold of my hands. “Only in Amerika, you a sweet boy. If you want, I canna’ bulk you up. But if you gonna be a girl you’d look good.”

Cassie jumped in, “Momma can I dress her into some of my extra clothes?”

“Shush, letta him speak, he not saya anything yet.”

“But Momma boys don’t paint their nails,” Cassie runs off to her room.

“Is this true, you need ta speak.”

“It’s a long story, but after summer school I will be living as Cami. My Mom said I needed to tell Roy and Roy said I needed to tell. But it will probably that Cami is like a niece to my Mom,” I say, afraid of her reaction.

“Your'a family good to us, Roy had it harder with immigrant parents, but my girls show we are smart people. If youa a girl, your welcome like my third daughter. But I can’t promise if this makes problems for Roy or my girls.”

Cassie came back carrying an outfit. She pushed me with the outfit into the bathroom. “But I can’t, I yelled back.”

Irenka said, “Don’t come out till you’re changed.” I waited, hoping their mother would correct them and save me. She did not….

To be continued…

“Kassia and Irenka, you be good girls, when he here as Cami, I want you, not Roy, responsible for her being happy,” said Mrs. Hargroote. “You come out Cami; my girls and I help with your hair and make-up.”

Cassie (Kassia) has given me a tan skirt, and a peasant blouse that barely made it to my skirt. The bra is lacy and sufficiently padded to give me a good shape. She has given me a new pair of panties that were to be hers. Luckily she has nice hips that made the panties just big enough to fit me, as Cassie is two inches shorter and in most ways smaller than me. They are all pleased when I step out. Well, I am not sure how pleased Roy is but he is accepting of me.

It takes fifteen minutes for the girls to do my makeup and Mama Hardgroote to brush and style my hair. Their Mama says, “Girls, you take Cami down to her house and show her momma. Tell her we're glad to know of Cami.” Cassie lends me a pair of sandals as they pulled me away from their mama and out of the house. “Thank you, Mama Hargroote,” I call back as I'm leaving their house.

My Mom knows Irena pretty well but has not yet to meet Cassie. Mom thought I look cute. All the while, knowing I am very uncomfortable with the short blouse and being out in public to come home. “You girls have Cami looking very pretty. What would you say if I treat you to an afternoon at the roller skate rink?”

Irena quickly responded, “With a thank you and a yes.”

Mom asks Jenn to call her friends. I am quite happy as Mom is coming too, a rare treat. I get a pair of white skates with pom-poms on them. It was something I had previously been envious of.

It is twenty minutes before a boy named Jeffrey asked me to skate during couples and pairs skating. Jeff says, “I wondered when your Mom would stop you from hiding as a ‘tomboy’.” I try to tell him I'm not a... until he kisses me. “If you were a boy, you wouldn’t have allowed me to kiss you?” He tells me, “Tricia called me when she knew you were here.”

I look around the rink as I had not seen Tricia yet, there she was waving to me. She and Bob Jansen skate out to us. Tricia took my hand and asks me to skate with her. “You boys can hold hands as you skate or you have to get off the rink,” Tricia says giggling as we skate away from the boys.

Tricia skates us over to my Mom and introduces herself. “I hope Cami can stay, she really does much better as a girl.”

My Mom giggled and asks, “How did you know, I thought Cami was a secret?”

“I sat next to Hal in Miss Robbins' class. Once he missed taking off a little makeup here and there. There also was a small curl he missed underneath his long hair. We also worked on a project together out of class. And his sister's friend Sandy had brought over a dress for someone to wear. I tricked him into thinking I knew it was his. That was how I finally met Cami.”

“You didn’t think it was strange or unusual for a boy,” “Mom asks?

Tricia has a big smile as she says, “Yea, I thought it was strange, unusual, and a few other things you don’t want to hear. But I was tired of the old Hal and I had become a friend of the new Hal. If old Hal shows up, I’ll take him home and dress him up again myself.”

Mom quizzed Tricia, finally asking, “What makes you think Hal is more of a girl?

“When Jeffrey just kissed her, she liked it.”

Mom looked at me and I sheepishly bow my head. “I didn’t mean too, Mom he caught me by surprise.”

The next day after summer school as Hal, I am called a pretty boy on the playground at school. One says, “We hear Tricia thinks she has a sissy boy sitting next to her.” I agree to fight the kid off the school grounds. We go behind a vacant house where I am soon fighting three boys instead of one. “This is to serve notice, Hal. We won’t hit your girly face this time.”

‘But I was beaten up because others thought I'm a sissy. Now I am just making sure I act like a guy. People might not like the old me, but he doesn’t get beat up.’ Once I'm home I hide that I was beaten up; as Hal, I'm ashamed and shaken in my thought of continuing as Cami. I didn’t change to be Cami. Since Mom isn’t home until 7:00 and Jenn is busy in her room or on the phone; things go unnoticed

The next day, I'm determined to be the old Hal. It includes being rude to Tricia, Miss Robbins and I'm again a foul mouth student. It lasts one hour into working with Roy in the afternoon. Roy stops me in the middle of a paint job. “I don’t know what’s up,” Roy says, “but I don’t appreciate the guy who showed up yesterday and less the guy today.”

I tell Roy what's happened thinking he’ll understand and show me some sympathy. That, however, isn’t the norm with our neighborhood and especially Roy and his family. They are often put down because his parents are immigrants and Polish jokes are commonly accepted. There is a discounting of them for speaking a foreign language. The truth is the parents can speak good English, but with a Polish accent.

Roy tells me, “Neither of us thought it would be easy Hal; did you think you would be readily accepted? Are you happier as the old you or you being Cami?” Roy knew the answer before he asks. "It’s going to take some time for your real friends to come forward. And I won’t be surprised if you have fewer real friends than you think.” Roy pauses, “You know it might be easier if Cami continues to be seen as a cousin who’s always been a girl. It would be easier on Sal as well.”

“But what if I become known here as Cami and guys like the other day still show up?”

Roy stops what he's doing and smiles, “Hopefully, I will be fighting with a girl on my side. Not everyone in the neighborhood might like you as Cami, but come, a fight they’ll be on our side. That's how the neighborhood is.”

“Won’t I be a chicken, if my Mom allows me to be her niece and I live here?”

“It will be a lot cheaper for your Mom than moving. I don’t think acceptance and being safe is coming any time soon for Hal being Cami.” Roy comes over to me, “Myself, I just don’t want to lose a good painter.” Roy put a smudge of paint on the tip of my nose.

That evening at our dinner table I share about the fight and the teasing I withstood at school. Mom thought I'm exaggerating until I lift my shirt and show her black and blue bruises in numerous spots. After dinner, Mom calls over a police friend who shares. “Mrs. Greene, I could tell you the police here will watch out for him… or Cami. The truth is we can’t always protect a kid who is picked on because he/she wears glasses, has a handicap, etc. Most of the crap that the Hargrootes and others put up with isn’t their fault. Roy was the one cited when he tried to fight back and if Hal fights back as Cami, I can’t tell you he won’t be the one charged.”

Mom is very upset and talking to my grandparents helps only a little. When I go to school the next morning as Hal; Mom asks, “Hal please be careful. I will be calling Dr. Davenport to consider your idea of being Cami. It would be a drastic thing to do and I need to know if it would be healthy for you being Cami even if you like the idea of being a girl.”

She says to me, “You might want to be Cami on the inside and not wreck your grades for the last three days of school. Do we have an agreement?” Mom pauses until I answer, “Yes.”

Miss. Robbins and my other teacher are both happy that Hal is back to his good attitude. We had a small quiz to help us know if we're ready for our exam the next day. Miss Robbins says, “Friday should be a celebration for all of you.”

I did very well on the quiz. Tricia and I still agree to study this afternoon for the exam.

Today after school I have another fight, but this time I stay at the school. It is with an even bigger kid named Brad. He doesn’t know anything more than I'm said to be a 'girly boy’, as he calls me. And except for the one time I back into one of his friends, it is mostly between him and me. Unfortunately, that one time led to two punches in my stomach while I was being held. After that it isn’t much of a fight; him punching and me being hit. I did get the last two punches in, but that is because Brad saw school security coming. He stopped hitting me and I was seen hitting back. I'm the one who got detention. Principal Jamison said, “Your kind have a way of asking for trouble.”

My punishment is supposed to be for a full week of detention even though school is out. But after Mom complains and come, Friday afternoon the other detention days are dropped.

Since Tricia only had one summer school class she is waiting for me to walk me to my house. My grade for my second subject is now as good as my History class with Miss Robbins which means with an A on each exam that would also be my grade for each class. It will be a nice way to finish up junior high school and eighth-grade with such good grades.

Tricia surprises me by once inside my house holding a skirt and blouse up in her hands. I yell, “Jenn, how dare you cooperate with her, I’ll pay you back. Is this the thanks I get for helping you?”

Jenn came out from the kitchen behind me, “I thought you would enjoy studying in style. Sandy has called and she’s hoping Cami is around this afternoon. They have their first playoff game tonight.”

I happily take the outfit from Tricia; I'm not doing anything I didn’t want to do. “I need to take a shower and change my look so it could take a while,” I tell Tricia.

Tricia smiles as she says, “After you’re decent I'll be happy to brush out your hair if you don’t mind.”

“This is not like counting at the door,” I reminded her. I was soon out of the shower, dried and dressed; the hair and makeup don’t need to take as long as they do. Tricia and I are just having fun. Once while brushing my hair, Tricia touches a sore spot on my ribs and I howled a bit. Tricia got to see a number of my bruises.

I confide with Tricia about the possibility of remaining as Cami. “I would tell you that is great,” says Tricia, “but I don’t like you being bullied to such a decision. I want to be Cami’s first best friend if it happens.

We make it through the first round of our notes and we're just beginning to quiz each other when the phone rings. “Hi Mom, no, Tricia and I are just quizzing for tomorrow’s exam in history. …Yea, it won’t be any problem as I’m already dressed as Cami. But Sandy wants me to go to their playoff game tonight. …I understand I’m lucky that Dr. Davenport is doing this. I didn’t say I have to be at the game. …Can Tricia come with us; it might be helpful to have a friend who understands some of what I’m doing.”

“Tricia, my Mom wants to know if your Mom might let you go with me to my doctor’s appointment in a little while?”

“Cami, my mother already knows about you. If I ask to go to your doctor’s appointment, my mother will probably want to go as well. She already plans to talk to your Mom.”

“Yes Mom, you heard right"… "My Mom says to ask you anyway, and if your mother is supportive the two of you will both be welcome… Mom says she understands if you can’t make it because it is short notice.” Tricia left to go ask her mom.

Mom is home in half an hour and Tricia and Ramona Hall are waiting for us at their house. Mom is impressed that both Tricia and her mother are coming. On the way to Dr. Davenport’s clinic, Mrs. Hall shares where her interest and sensitivity is coming from.

“I think Miss Robbins told Hal about a friend of hers in high school who did not fare so well. That young man was my oldest brother. I am not saying Hal is like him, but I am proud of my daughter being a friend of Hal and Cami.”

Mom is upset that I was in another fight. Dr. Davenport confirms my viewpoint on Principal Jamison. “It will be good that you go on record of not putting up with that type of behavior. The truth is he will either openly get away with it or he will be told away from your ears, not to say it in public again.” Dr. Karen Davenport said, “With civil rights and segregation becoming hot issues, homosexuals and others will become the new whipping boy.”

Mom says, “But this is a civil rights issue.” I look at Dr. Karen and ask, “But you’re saying others won’t see it that way.”

“Cami, I don’t see you as being a homosexual. In some ways, your issues aren’t even in most medical books. The issues that led to Christine Jorgensen becoming a woman may be more closely related to you. Honestly, I am not an expert in this area, but I am as open as any to be supportive to you and help you to be a healthy person.”

Before we leave the Halls, my Mom and I met again with Dr. Davenport. Dr. Davenport, my Mom, and I feel it is a godsend that the Halls and probably Miss Robbins will be supportive of me living as Cami.

Dr. Karen asks, “Before you go; I forgot to ask about Cami’s eyes being so watery and red at the corners.”

Cami says, “Don’t worry, I’ve just been studying and reading more because of summer school.”

She says, "If that is a case you might want to get her eyes checked. A pretty pair of glasses along with a little makeup could help change Cami’s appearance enough that others won’t see traces of Hal.”

“But I don’t want glasses; we call guys with glasses ‘four eyes’.”

Mom speaks up, “A skirt and glasses won’t change a stinking attitude like that. You better take a hard look at the rough time guys have shown you. How does it feel being on the receiving end of judgment like that?”

Tricia giggles, “Cami with glasses, kind of sounds like Superman running into an alley, changes putting on a skirt and cape, shakes out her hair and puts on a pair of glasses and we have Cami-girl!”

“Cami’s Mom is right,” Ramona Hall interjected, “Lipstick doesn’t make sick thinking any better. That didn’t sound like the Hal that Tricia sees in summer school, or Cami, Tricia describes a better picture of you to me. You better take a hard look at who you are.”

I'm shocked a little and begin to cry. Mom lifts my chin, “That doesn’t look like the Hal who doesn’t care. Cami, come here please,” Mom asks and stands up to meet me. “Your father won’t put up with insincere tears from you or your sister. Cami, you’ve impressed a lot of people. Are you ready to be the daughter, I know you can be?”

“You’re going to let me be Cami from here on and forever!” I'm so elated.

“Starting Friday after school, and I will invite Miss Robbins over Friday evening to celebrate. But forever, I'm not promising.”

The only information I have about Christine Jorgensen is from late-night radio. While people say she looks like an attractive woman, she’s often called a freak and a perverted person by others. One man, who called into a program said, “What kind of red-blooded American man would let his *bleep* be cut off and wear women’s underwear?”

It is hard to have good feelings about oneself with things like that being said of ‘someone who looks like I feel.’ It would be in August and many sessions with Dr. Karen before I am consistent in accepting me. It does not help in mid-July I go to Chicago and I'm to meet with Sal for a date. Sal did not show up for our date and when I call him he hangs up.

Days later I get a ‘Dear Jane’ letter: ‘He had his own issues and when he dated a girl it should be a ‘real girl’. He kind of complimented me that he was now more comfortable around ‘real girls’ because of me. And they really like him.’ I didn’t like that we broke up or the way he did it, but in my head, I say, 'It might be better for me in the long run.'

Except for a trip to Marshall Field’s department store downtown Chicago, it is totally a bummer of a day. Marshall Field’s is to Chicago what Macy’s and Gamble’s are to New York City. We look around and I enjoy trying on several pretty dresses. Mom would buy me one and probably two. But I don’t want to buy something that will remind me of Sal, so I wait until our next trip to Chicago. Then I buy a powder blue dress that goes down to mid-calf. It would be especially fitting for a special night out in Chicago.

Mom decides to take Jenn and me to the Chicago premiere of “My Fair Lady”. She takes us out first to a fancy restaurant. There were huge searchlights in front of the theater as Audrey Hepburn will be attending the grand opening in Chicago. She had been to the premiere in Hollywood two days before.

It is midnight when we get home and we're getting ready for bed. Jenn comes into my room and asks, “Do you still feel bad about Sal not going out with you?”

Mom is soon in the room telling Jenn, “Jenn that is cruel to ask tonight.”

“It’s okay Mom, Jenn and I have talked. She thinks I should hate Sal for how he dumped me.” Mom paused to see if I’d say more. “Dr. Davenport and I agree being Cami had to be much more than about a boy. Sal did help me feel good about being a girl. I like Jeffrey as much as I did Sal and the nice thing is Jeffrey goes to our school.”

“Tricia says, you won’t have any problems getting dates. And Dr. Karen’s excuse from the gym should help when you start back to school as Cami.”

Mom takes us to the Indiana Sand Dunes National Park for the last week of August. Rick comes by train to see Jenn. Sandy and Tricia come along at Mom’s invite. Becoming comfortable in a girl’s swimsuit is not easy, despite how much I like the look. But once I do, I truly enjoy being a girl at the beach.

Rick came on Monday to be with us at the beach. He tells Jenn, he would like to tell Sal what he's missing. Wednesday Rick calls and asks if Sal could come for Friday and Saturday. Jenn won’t answer for me; I have to tell Rick myself. Rick tells me, “Sal said he’d like to come and see for himself and have a good time.”

“If Sal is interested in dating me, he knows our phone number he can call when I’m home. I don’t want him to come here. Tricia, Sandy, and I have no trouble with boys when we want them.”

Sandy and Jenn are already experts at stripping down to their swimsuits on the beach. Tricia and I learn relatively fast. But they also have more developed bodies, so most eyes go their way.” That’s okay with me; I enjoy having a good time learning.

The End