We spent about an hour getting me all "dolled" up, by the time she was finished I looked like Kathy did when she was out searching for guys. Angel handed me an extra purse and pulled me along the hallway and into the garage. I looked down at myself into the cleavage that Kathy possessed, expanding out from the silky blouse that Angel made me wear. My now smooth legs extending from the impossibly short mini-skirt and perched on the sexy looking pumps that I was quickly and effortlessly walking in. I was afraid that I am getting too comfortable walking in those things... it wasn't right, I knew it wasn't right... but it felt so normal.

I found myself beginning to sit like a female, to gesture like a woman. Every part of my mannerisms were becoming more and more feminine... that was very troubling. We ate at a quaint little Italian restaurant and danced at a local pub until late in the evening. At first we were dancing together and I was surprised that I could move like Kathy did... she was an exceptional dancer, moving in an arousing and sexually stimulating way.

I had even danced with a guy or two at Angel's prodding, after a while it didn't matter, and if they asked... I danced. It was almost one in the morning when we walked back into our house. We threw ourselves down on the sofa and just talked... girl talk. I was tired, but Angel was so excited that she wouldn't let me doze off so I struggled to stay awake.

Angel kicked her shoes off and sipped on a cup of coffee, "So, how do you like being a woman?"

I opened up one eye and looked her way, "It's okay, but I don't think I would want to stay this way... too many things to worry about."

"Oh... like what?" She asked taking another sip.

"Oh... I don't know. Maybe worrying about whether the guy you're dancing with will try to put a move on you. Wondering if the sex you're going to have would make you pregnant... that kind of stuff."

Angel laughed, "You aren't a bit curious about how a baby would feel slowly moving in your tummy?" I knew she wanted that more than anything... still she continued, "I would love to feel a small infant suckle my breast, knowing I was giving him or her life through the milk my body was creating." I shrugged my shoulders... I was too tired, I wanted to sleep. "To feel the fullness in your breast knowing that the baby needed to drink it to relieve the pressure... you aren't even a bit curious?"

"Nope!" I mumbled.

"I would give anything to experience that feeling. I'm sure you would be the same way if you were a woman." She brushed my leg with her toe.

I opened my one eye again, "You're forgetting... I am a woman right now, and I have no desire to feel those things that you mentioned."

"If you were a real woman you would..." She answered rather curtly.

I didn't even bother to open my eyes to answer, "You forget... our little wrestling match in the bedroom? I have a VERY feminine slit right now... I am as much a woman as you are at the moment. Now get that stupid thing and change me back."

She became silent, I assumed that she was mulling over my response. I felt the couch move and she got up and walked away... "Guess that pissed her off." I thought to myself.

I must have dozed off some, because I felt something cold touch my breast causing me to open my eyes with a start. Angel was standing over me smiling, suddenly I realized that she was holding the Medallion and a silky looking white garment with the tags still swinging. My shocked gaze moved from her amused look to the item she was holding. It was a bra, a maternity bra.

"My God Angel, what did you just do?" Suddenly I could feel my chest beginning to expand, causing the buttons on the silk blouse I was wearing to pop and shoot across the room. She stepped back and giggled at my antics. "What did you just do?" I shouted.

"Since you are a woman... and will be for another 12 hours... now. I thought you should experience the joy's of motherhood."

She smiled as the bra that I was wearing suddenly sprung off of my chest only holding to me by the straps. I discarded the bra on to the couch, using my tiny hands to support these swelling breasts. The pressure I was feeling from them became intense, I needed to relieve it quickly.

"Christ Angel, this hurts! What did you do that for?" They slowly filled with milk as we both watched, the sudden amount of pain I was now feeling made my eyes well up with tears. "We don't have a breast pump do we?" I could feel each engorged nipple began to drip it's milky liquid. "My God... Angel, I'm lactating!"

"Nope, we don't have any breast pump, but we'll have the next best thing in a moment..." She laughed as she held the medallion to a piece of yellow clothing then pressed it against her chest.

"Angel... you don't know what that can do to you... Noooooo!" I tried to stop her but was too late as she dropped the Medallion onto the end table.

"Now we'll just wait... Mommy!" She laughed. "Ooh... it feels funny." She mused at the tingling sensation she was apparently feeling.

I stared at her in shock as she began to look younger and younger, for a brief moment she looked like a teenager. Slowly her breasts began to reduce in size until she had almost nothing there. Her hair began to shorten and pull back into her head and her arms and legs grew shorter. She seemed to be only about three foot tall at this point when she started to fall, I caught her and laid her gently down.

"I fweel wike ma bane is being sucked fwum me... waz appining?"

I began to cry, as she became smaller and smaller. I noticed an odor and looked down... she had soiled herself.

"My God Angel... you're loosing control of your body."

She tried to sit up but kept falling over and ended up lying there kicking her feet. She was only about three feet long now as her teeth all but disappeared, revealing only two teeth on both the top and bottom of her vacant gums.

She tried to speak but all that I could distinguish were vocalizations that a mere infant would make, she began to cry. I wiped the tears away from my own eyes and searched through her boxes for anything that I could use as a diaper.

"God Angel... No! Why?"

She stopped shrinking down... she was impossibly small. Maybe six or seven pounds... I felt sick. I picked up her small form and quickly placed a diaper around her tiny bottom, that's when I picked up the outfit from the floor where she dropped it.

I read from the label, "Oh shit, she's a newborn... My God Angel, what have you done?" I picked up her tiny form and returned to the couch where I placed the outfit on the chilly girl and held her close. "I don't know what to do for an infant... what to feed you?"

Almost as if by cue she began to nuzzle my throbbing breast, catching hold of the extended nipple she latched on and began to suckle causing me to jump.

"Okay... we have the what to feed thing down."

I sat there for almost ten minutes, as the only sound she made was the hard sound of her swallowing the milk... my milk. As she finished I placed her on my shoulder instinctively, and burped her... something told me to move her to the other breast, which was beginning to lactate even more. Instantly she grabbed onto the swollen teat with her tiny mouth and started swallowing. I felt so silly sitting there nursing this small wife of mine. After a while, I felt her stop sucking and grow heavy... I looked down and smiled. She had fallen asleep as she
nursed... it was so sweet to see that beautiful child dozing there like that. Now why would I think that?

Gently I held her to my shoulder and burped her, after being satisfied that we got all of those nasty burps, I took her into the bedroom and lay down with her sleeping soundly next to me. It had seemed that I only closed my eyes when I felt her stir next to me, a glance at the clock told me that we had laid down about two hours ago... she must be hungry again. After a quick diaper change we were back at it... ten minutes on each side then about 2 hours of sleep.

"How can women do this?" I asked the nursing infant as the sun began to filter through the window... "Only six more hours of this, then I can return you back to your normal self."

Our day continued like this... seemingly endless routine of feeding every two hours. Until the 12 hours ended and I could return both myself and Angel back to normal. As I walked with her into the bedroom I listened to the soft gurgling sounds she had been making, I can see now why Angel wanted me to experience motherhood. Even when Angel cried it wasn't the ear shattering sound that made you grab at your head like some ridiculous actor in an old Star Trek episode...her cry was soft and gentle, almost compelling.

I picked up the chain and let Zulo spin in the air, "After I get us back to normal... this thing is history!" Slowly I pressed it into my breast using my shirt. I felt the changes began to happen... "Thank God!"

I moved to the sleeping infant and using Angel's nightgown I touched the necklace to her soft tummy. She jumped as the sheer coolness of the medallion touched her warm skin.

"Now we wait!"

I watched as she began to grow, a little bit at a time. I picked up my clothes and walked from the room and stepped into my jeans. They were still very long on me but it would only be a moment and I would fit into them. I was almost to my own height by the time I got to the couch, there I slipped on the rest of my clothes and tied my shoes. It had been a very interesting experience but I never wanted to do that again. Leaning back into the couch I closed my eyes until the comfort of much needed sleep overtook me.

***

A piercing scream burst into my head as I jumped from the couch. Momentarily disoriented, I sought the location of that desperate sound. It only a second to alert me into the direction of the bedroom. As I rounded the corner I saw Angel's naked form lying on top of the covers of the bed. I ran to her side and was struck by a stench of human waste that almost made me ill, Angel had soiled herself again. Only it wasn't the infant this time, but rather the normal sized woman that I was married to.

I picked her up and stood her onto her feet where she promptly began to slide down toward the floor, she couldn't even hold her head upright.

"God... No... don't let this be happening!"

Even though she looked like my Angel, she had all of the muscle coordination of the infant that she had been earlier. I carried her into the bathroom and placed her into the tub where with one arm I held her into place and the other began to fill the tub with water. Quickly washing her off I let the water drain and boosted her onto my shoulder so I could dry her with a towel. I carried her back into the living room and laid her on the floor.

I found some soft material lying in a box next to her sewing machine, "This will do."

Quickly returning to her side I placed it under her bottom and let her lie on that... in her present condition she wasn't going anywhere. I was surprised that she suddenly fell asleep, it allowed me to sit down and contemplate what I was going to do next.

I cleaned up our bedroom and began the washer, I couldn't stand the smell any longer. Walking back into the living room, I plopped myself back down at the couch. I sat there as she slept and thought about this predicament, she was now large but why was she still acting like a newborn... then it hit me. If all the information in our adult brain was to be suddenly packed into the brain of a very small child... would it be able to hold it all? I leaned forward and watched the rise and fall of her gentle breathing.

"What would happen to everything she knows... would it remain? Or would it be forced out keeping only what she needed to live? Oh... God, let me wake from this nightmare!"

Angel told me that if a person stayed too long in a particular form, then they would slowly act more and more like that form...

"But it was only 12 hours, that couldn't have caused this to happen... could it?" Then I remembered that even I had started acting like a female after 12 hours. "Oh... Angel!" I buried my head in my hands. "She can't live like this... she is nothing more than a vegetable. Won't she grow out of it?" I asked aloud as if someone would answer.

I'll just have to wait awhile... when she begins to act more like herself then everything will be okay. I grabbed my car keys and left her sleep, I had to head out to buy some items for her... at least I could keep her happy until she returns to normal. With one long glance I softly closed the door behind me and left, I needed to hurry so I could get back before she woke.

I had only been gone for an hour, when I pulled back into the driveway. From the garage I could hear her screaming, I scrambled into the living room almost falling down in the process. There she still lay, bawling her eyes out. I rushed to her side and comforted her as she softly began to make those little sounds that an infant would make. I reached into the bag at my side and pulled a rattle from inside, handing it to her she began to pound it against the floor. I sat down in frustration as she dropped it from her weakened grip.

All throughout the day it was like this, it was almost as if she had the body of an adult but the mind of an infant. I had exhausted myself cleaning up after her but, I was determined to keep trying though to get my Angel back. The hours passed slowly with me trying to feed and care for Angel. At noon on the second day after she had returned to her adult body I cried softly, as I realized at that moment what I had to do... I waited until dark, by that time I could still see no change in her... my Angel was lost. I decided it was time and went to locate the medallion. Picking it from the dresser where I left it, I walked back into the living room.

I touched the yellow pram to her chest and sadly watched her revert back into the newborn body that fit her mind... for me to have my Angel, I would have to wait another 26 years. I walked into the kitchen and placed the medallion into a baggie sealing it for our protection. I dropped it on the table next to my chair. She began to stir, I knew she would be hungry... I bent down and pulled a can of formula from the bag, I had hoped that this wouldn't be necessary... sadly, I was wrong.

"Sorry Angel, I'm not going through a breastfeeding again... this formula will have to do."

As I walked into the kitchen she began to gurgle and coo. Sadly I poured the contents into the small bottle and warmed it up. I felt a tear roll down my cheek and wiped it away with an exhausted motion.

"Why Angel... why?"

The Medallion of Zulo had been misused, leaving Angel hopelessly trapped in the tiny body of an infant. Ray must move on with his life raising Angel as his daughter. They will meet Alex, a runaway teen from an abusive foster home. How can Alex provide just the necessary ingredient to make a happy home?

This is the second story of the trilogy...

The small car came to a stop as the passenger window rolled halfway down, "You need a lift?" I bent over and looked at the driver for a full five seconds before opening up the door and stepping in.

It was raining pretty steadily now and it didn't look like it would let up any time soon, so I figured what the heck. "Thanks, I was getting a bit soggy walking out there." I looked over my shoulder to see if anyone else saw me climb into the car, no one else was around, just me and the guy. That's when I heard a tiny sound behind me causing me to look over my shoulder: it was a very young infant in a car seat.

The man noticed me looking at the child and smiled, "Do you like babies?"

I shrugged my shoulders, "Sure, they're okay."

"We're heading to Nordstrom, Connecticut, ever hear of it?" He asked trying to make small talk.

I shook my head. "I've been all over the East Coast, but never there." I looked back toward the little one strapped into the seat, "Boy or girl?"

"Girl." He said without looking.

We drove on for a few miles, "Your daughter's cute."

He smiled, "Yeah... uh... she looks like her mother."

I watched him take a quick glance in the mirror at her, then back to the road. I fidgeted in the silence, then
spoke to break the uneasiness that I was feeling. "You still married?" I asked

He looked a bit sad but quickly shook it off, "Yeah, but she left me suddenly." I knew he wanted me to just let it drop.

Again we drove on for a few miles, I cleared my throat and asked, "She been gone long?" He didn't even bat an eye. "You're wife... she been gone long?"

"She's been gone about a week now... she won't return." He eyed me for a moment and continued, "What's your story?" I didn't say anything, I just looked at the rain streaming against the window.

"Why are you out thumbing a ride in this storm... trouble at home?"

I felt very uneasy, thoughts of horror swept through my mind as I sat quietly by this stranger. My mind raced with awful imaginings from, murderer to kidnapper. I looked at him intently then quickly away, "Who was he?" I wondered. "Did I just step into the car of a murderer? Where was his wife? Why did she leave so suddenly? Did he kill her?" All these thoughts and more, burned a streaking path through my mind as I mulled his question to me over, "What should I say? Should I tell the truth?" I felt my palms beginning to perspire.

I could feel him staring at me, and then he spoke again. "Are you okay?" I felt my emotions beginning to well up into my eyes.

"Shit!" I thought as panic began to build, causing my breathing to rise and fall rapidly. I leaned my head back into the seat, gasping for breath like a fish.

I felt the car suddenly pull to the roadside and stop! "Calm down... breathe... that's it..." I looked his way and slowly raised a trembling hand to my forehead to wipe the perspiration that had beaded there. "Slow down, you're ok." He spoke soothingly.

I looked forward, beating out a tempo, the wipers continued on their relentless rhythm. "Panic attack?" He asked. I nodded my answer slowly. He turned the car into a rest area, "Thought it was, I have a sister who gets them."

I felt my jaw slowly move, "I'm okay," I don't think he believed me so I added, "Really." He smiled and pulled into a parking place.

"You need to use the restroom?" I slowly shook my head in the negative. "Well... smells to me like someone already has." He jerked his thumb over his shoulder toward the baby.

He jumped out into the rain and threw the back door open. I watched him changing the little girl; he talked and kissed her as he began to dress her back up. He didn't seem like any of those things that I had thought about earlier, maybe he was okay after all. He smiled at me and held up the little baby.

"So, if you don't mind me asking, what is your story?"

He hoisted her back into the little car seat and buckled her in. "You running from trouble?" I swallowed hard as he quickly stepped back out and closed the door.

I could tell as soon as he got back in he wouldn't leave it alone because he buckled up and turned his head to face me. I looked down and toward the window as the rain created little downward trails, a steady pounding grew against the roof of the car from the ever increasing downpour.

I sat very sullen, "Some." He waited for me to add to it, the silence was intense, "You could just say that I've had a falling out with my foster parents and I'm trying to put it all behind me."

He studied me for a moment, "They're going to be looking for you then," was all that he said. I shrugged off my response.

"I'm not sure I need the exposure of whomever's going to be looking for you." The man answered, "Are you hiding?"

I sighed, hanging my head"... I'm a runaway! Now you know... so, if you want, just take me to the Police and drop me off! They'll take me back to those bastards and I'll run away again!" I folded my arms defiantly and looked back out the rain soaked window.

"Somebody's mood is just like this weather!" He smiled. "I can drop you off wherever you want me to, but I'm still on my way to Nordstrom, with or without you."

I realized that this guy wasn't out to make my life hell, so I sat up and smiled causing him to smile also. "That's better." He pointed to a diaper bag and asked me to pull out a bottle for the baby. I lifted it out and let some of the contents spill onto my arm as I checked the temperature. "Been around kids much?" He asked, noticing what I had done.

I held the mildly warm bottle and twisted in the seat, my intention was just to hand the bottle to the kid but when I saw that she couldn't hold it herself, I held it for her. The man grinned at me as he waited for my answer.

I continued as the child drank, "Some... my foster family had a baby. Little babies aren't so bad, at least they can't punch and hurt you." He raised his eyebrows at my comment.

"You're running from your foster family, because of them beating you?" His voice sounded as though he had genuine concern.

I studied him for a moment before answering, "I have a bit of a problem, nothing too dangerous to anyone else... just me." I hoped he wouldn't press the issue, I was wrong.

"A problem you say, like what kind of problem?" He asked. His kindness and genuine concern were making me uneasy. I wasn't sure that I wanted a total stranger to know what kind of things went on inside my head.

"Please, Mister, I don't want to walk in this weather, let's leave this conversation alone for awhile. I won't do anything to hurt anyone, I am only hurting myself with my problem," I was afraid I had already said too much.

He pulled the car to a stop along the rain soaked highway, my first thought was that he was going to ask me to get out, "It isn't drugs is it?" His voice remained steady and kind.

"No, it isn't drugs" I replied trying to not give him any more information.

He watched me for what seemed like a minute and when I reached up for the door handle, he removed his foot from the brake and began to drive again. "I understand the need to keep secrets, if you want to discuss it, I'll be ready with an open mind."

We continued to drive on in the rain for a few hours, only stopping for gas, restroom breaks and to change the little one. Around noon, we stopped to eat lunch, when I implied that I didn't have any money, he bought me lunch. He was a really nice guy, the kind I wished I would have had for a father. We ate in silence as I again held the bottle for the baby, it was the least I could do to thank him for lunch. Besides, I didn't mind, I like babies.

He watched me like a concerned Lion for his cub, my every move was scrutinized. After a while we became more and more comfortable and by the time we were ready to go, our conversations became more free.

It was funny that after driving with each other for so long that we would just now get around to asking each other our names, he got to the question first. As we climbed back into the car he turned and asked, "What's your name, kid?" I wasn't sure I wanted him to know but in the light of our lunch conversation I figured I owed him that much.

"Alex...the last name really isn't important." It really wasn't, I didn't have any family to speak of.

"Look...Alex, we're going to be in this car for about 4 more hours, if you're headed with me, we have to start opening up. I really don't care what kind of skeletons you have hidden, but as long as you're with me, it doesn't really matter." I watched him speak without turning his head from his driving.

"Now that you know my name, I guess I should be asking you what's yours?" I figured since he knew mine, I would ask him for his, it was only fair.

"Ray, Ray Young. Pleased to meet you." He held his hand out toward me. I took it and we shook. He continued, "How old are you?"

"I'm 16...why?" He just shrugged his shoulders as if my age meant nothing to him.

"Just thought I'd ask," He sounded genuine enough so I left it at that.

Every once in awhile he would glance over his shoulder at the baby in an effort to see how she is doing. "So...what's your little girl's name?" I asked.

"Angel." Short and to the point, spoken as he eased down an express ramp and continued to drive, keeping up with the flow of traffic.

"That's a pretty name, don't see many girls named that." I watched his eyes as a moment of uneasiness passed over them.

He swallowed hard, and tried to steer the conversation away from his daughter...she, I determined, was his skeleton to hide.

"Tell me, Alex, what are your plans once I arrive in Nordstrom? Do you have anywhere you can go?" He glanced once my way and smiled.

"I hadn't really thought about it much...I just wanted to get as far away as I could...from the bastard who kept beating me." I replied as truthfully as I could.

He glanced over his left shoulder and then into his rear view mirror and changed lanes to pass a slower car.

"Well I was wondering, since you get along so well with Angel, if you wouldn't mind helping me out for a while...I'll pay you. With me starting a new job, I'll need a babysitter for Angel. Someone who knows her...whom I think I can trust."

I thought about it and shrugged my shoulders, "Sure, why not. It's not like I have anything better to do?" My answer seemed to lift a huge weight off of his shoulders, because he seemed very pleased that I could help.

He looked at the speedometer, and then at me, "You can live with us, and if anyone asks, we'll just tell everyone that you're my nephew." That was it, he turned to face the road again.

I smiled at him, then looked back attentively at Angel, I was happy. This man had just given me something that I had really never had before, a home. I looked outside as the rain began again, streaming haphazardly down the window. I settled back into the seat and closed my eyes.

***

I felt the car slow to a stop and suddenly popped my eyes open, craning my head around I saw that we had just paused at a traffic light in a small town. He cleared his throat and spoke, "We're here, this is Nordstrom."

I sat up and looked after Angel, "Might as well start now," I thought. "She's wet. I'll need to change her." He nodded and pulled into a gas station where I could help the infant out of her soiled diaper. I changed her as quickly as I could and we began to drive on. "Are we close to your home?" I asked.

"Not far." He turned down a small side street and into an addition. The houses were small but had many trees, but it was dark out so I couldn't see anything beyond his headlights.

"It's a pretty old addition, we're up here on the left." The quiet of the car was interrupted by the clicking of his turn signal.

We pulled to a stop as a light drizzle was falling, I picked up Angel and headed into the shelter of their porch. Ray grabbed the diaper bag and followed us up, sorting out the key that would let us inside. Giving the handle a turn he pushed the door open, as it swung I stepped inside with the baby.

"Not bad," I nodded.

"Alex, welcome to our little home, make yourself comfortable." He set the diaper bag down and headed back outside. I took a moment to survey the house, it wasn't anything special, just a decent little house. It had all the normal things that you would come to expect in a home, a kitchen, living room, bathroom, Master bedroom and a smaller bedroom. I noticed that a crib was already set up in the corner for Angel so I laid her gently down, trying not to awaken her.

Between the two of us, we cleaned the car out and began to empty the boxes from Ray's little rental trailer. After about an hour we were done, which was none too soon as Angel began to stir.

"You go on and take care of Angel, I can finish putting this away." I quickly turned and sought out the crying child.

I changed her again and warmed up another bottle, sitting myself down in a rocker I gave the bottle to Angel as Ray continued to put things away. I wished that I could help him as it was getting late and he still had a few hours of unpacking left.

I put the little one on my shoulder and began to pat her back as I rocked, "Why don't you just put away what you have to, we can both work on it tomorrow?"

He paused, looking at me.

"That's not a bad idea, I'll look for the sheets so I can make the beds. It's been quite a long time since I've gotten much sleep, we've been making this trip back and forth, the past 3 days. Each day, I fixed the house a little bit more." He glanced around and smiled. "At least we won't have to do that anymore." He began to move boxes to the side as he looked for the box with the sheets in them, "Here it is!" He pulled out the sheet set and threw it to the side.

He stood and grinned at me while I gave her the bottle, "Angel, my wife, would love to be doing what you're doing right now." I returned his smile but felt a bit guilty knowing that his wife was gone and I was doing something that she should have been doing.

"Your wife's name was Angel too?" I watched him nod, "Not very many girls are named after their mothers."

He inhaled deeply, "Well, with this one, let's just say it's a bit different situation." He smiled weakly and continued to unfold the sheets.

We quickly made up the crib and put Angel down for the evening, I hoped she would sleep all night as I was very tired and I wanted to sleep right away. Ray made up the big bed and I stood in the darkened nursery rubbing Angel's back, marveling at just how tiny she was. She couldn't have been more that two or three weeks old. Her light blonde hair created tiny ringlets of curls around her ears, she was so adorable that I knew she would grow into a very beautiful woman.

Ray whispered from the hallway that everything was ready and we should really go to bed, I tip-toed out of her room and followed him into the living room. He directed my attention toward the couch, "You can bunk there until I can come up with a proper bed for you." I thanked him as he headed back to the nursery. He gently leaned over and kissed his small daughter, and headed to bed.

I stretched out on the couch and turned off the lamp, laying there in the dark I wondered just why Angel left this seemingly wonderful man? Ray's every action around that little girl, was of love and parental honor. It was too bad that his wife left him and the little girl, alone and in a new city. My thoughts dwelled on the subject until sleep finally claimed me.

***

Sleep came fitfully for me as usual, I felt myself falling into a pit of blackness that had become my life. Faces that I had known, flashed before me mocking the person that I desperately wanted to be, each laughing at the creature that stood before them.

The fog that held my dream also held in the feelings that I recalled, those very ones that caused me to be the scourge of the families that I had known. I felt myself crying from the laughter, the emotional strain too much to bear. Suddenly thrust out of the ever-swirling fog was the face of my foster father, spitting his evil venomous words at me. "Freaking queer! Fag! Sissy!" I heard him shout again and again. I held my hands over my ears in a vain attempt to shut out his shouting, each refrain louder than the last.

Suddenly, like a shaft of light out of the inky darkness, within my dream, I heard a voice, calm and controlled. "Angel, don't be afraid, I'll take care of you." When I turned I was looking at Ray, he smiled and stood there holding the baby, who was blowing bubbles from her tiny mouth.

I felt the blanket that had been covering me slide off onto the floor. As it did, I woke up and calmly picked it up and pushed it to the end of the couch. I ran my hands through my hair and slowly stood, stretching away the sleep still in my system. I scratched my head and staggered into the kitchen where I filled a glass with cold water and sipped at it, allowing the cool contents of the glass to sooth my dry throat.

Slowly I made my way to the nursery where I checked the infant in my care; she was sleeping soundly. I gently pulled the covers up onto her tiny shoulders, smiling as I wondered if she would ever realize how lucky she really was. I gently stroked her soft cheek as I watched her sleep, the soft ringlets of hair moving with the rhythm of her gentle breathing.

Whether it was my touch, or her knowing I was in the room, Angel opened her eyes and began to kick her feet wildly as a slow smile spread across her chubby face. I couldn't resist the smile from enveloping me as well, I gently lifted the baby from the crib and carried her to the changing table.

The soft glow from her night light was all the light we needed to quickly change her tiny bottom and 'talk' to each other as only she and I could. I gathered her up and walked back into the kitchen where I pulled out her bottle to warm up, her bright and intelligent eyes gleamed and sparkled from the diffused light that entered into the windows. I pulled a pan from the cupboard and filled it with enough water to warm her bottle, then sat it on the stove to heat.

As I moved about the kitchen I kissed the top of her head and smiled as her fine hair tickled at my nose. After a few minutes, I tested the bottle and was satisfied that it would be safe for her to drink. We returned to the living room where I took a seat in the recliner and watched her hungrily gulp down the milk that was offered to her in the bottle.

Her tiny fingers wrapped around my thumb as I held the bottle for her, while her other played with one blonde lock of her fine hair. I smiled and kissed the top of her little head as she continued to drink, I knew that I was falling for this little girl, she would soon have my heart wrapped around her little finger, and I really didn't care.

I truly wished that I could share one thing with this young charge of mine, and that would be, to be...female. If I were only her mother, then I could have the best of both worlds, my fantasy world, and real life. I bent down to rub my nose against hers, "I wish I was your real Mommy," I whispered to her.

I felt my eyes welling with tears and blinked them away, "If I would only have been born like you, then maybe my life wouldn't have been so bad." My trembling voice cracked with the emotion that was welling up inside of me. "I would give up everything to be like you...Angel." A lone tear fell from my cheek and landed on her soft sleeper outfit. "Instead...of...this."

I wiped my tears away on her blanket, "Oh well, at least I have you." I smiled at Angel and kissed her little hand; the smell of baby lotion and powder brought only good memories to my mind. "Let's you and I pretend that I'm your Mommy, when we're alone, we will be mother and daughter. No one else needs to know." I pulled her close and softly cried into her tiny shoulder.

We sat like that until almost 3:00 am, then I carried her back into the nursery and placed her into the crib where I covered her back up. A gentle stroke of her hair and I left for the couch where I quickly fell back into a more restful sleep.

***

I rolled over and opened my eyes at a brightly lit room, because the sun was streaming across the couch and shining against the wall. I sat up and went in to check on Angel, but she was sound asleep. I knew that Ray most likely would had to have given her a bottle sometime during the early morning as I was never awakened by her crying. I felt a pang of sadness that I wasn't the one to have taken care of Angel. I walked into the kitchen and began a pot of coffee for our breakfast. I started searching out a skillet for eggs, once I got the bacon going, I quickly went into the bedroom to ask Ray how many eggs he wanted me to fix, his bed was empty.

I turned and headed back to the kitchen where I noticed a note laying on the table. Picking it up I began to read, "Alex, I was called in to work early, so I decided to let you sleep. I'll stop at the store and get some things for Angel and some supper for us, I'll be back around 7:00. Angel has already been changed and given a bottle so she should sleep for awhile. We can unpack when I get home. Thanks, Ray."

I just shrugged my shoulders and went back to making breakfast. One real benefit was that while I was still alone with Angel, I could help Ray put away some of the boxes of clothing and odds and ends that he put off until this morning. The first box I picked up was completely full of baby clothes, I carried them into the nursery and put them away. The next box was of what appeared to be his wife's old stuff, I carried that into the bedroom and set it down. I quickly looked around the room and opened the box, I couldn't help myself from running my hands inside its silky contents.

I relished the texture of the silks and fine materials, again my mind wandered to my one sided conversation with Angel late last night. As I marveled at the sleek feel of the silky garments, something within the box scratched me and I caught hold of it and pulled it out. I lifted a small baggie out of the box, Inside was a dull looking necklace attached to a long chain. I opened the bag and pulled it out by the chain. I smiled and turned toward the mirror while I slid it over my head, I imagined myself as a girl wearing the necklace.

Unable to resist the desire to encase myself in this woman's silky finery I cautiously looked over my shoulder at the door. I knew better, but being this close to beautiful feminine clothing without anyone to stop me, I couldn't fight the urge.

It wouldn't look right with the shirt I had on, so I pulled that off and grabbed out one of the blouses I had found with a low neck. Quickly I threw it over my shoulders and began to button it up, I couldn't fight my need. That was the true reason I kept getting beat at my old foster home, I liked wearing female clothes and they hated me for it. My foster father caught me with his daughter's clothes on one morning that he passed her bedroom, after that, my life was hell.

As soon as the cloth touched the necklace I felt a sharp tingle that quickly shot down my arms and legs causing me to jump. In a panic I jerked away from the garment and threw it down on the floor, thinking that it was a spider that may have bitten me. I kicked the blouse with my toes and I didn't see anything crawl from it, I quickly scanned the floor to see where it had scurried.

I turned toward the mirror and studied my reflection, something was certainly not right. I watched as my eyes slowly began to lighten, they went from brown to a sky blue, what was happening? I could feel my heart racing as I continued to watch the subtle changes happening to them. My eyes glanced toward my forehead as the few wispy hairs that hung down gradually became lighter and lighter, then longer! I grabbed onto the dresser as I felt my knees grow weaker, "Wh... what's happening to me?" I trembled, speaking only in a whisper.

My eyes were suddenly drawn toward my exposed chest, the small pink dime sized nipples I had, were slowly expanding outward and turning a dusky brown color! I leaned toward the mirror and watched them slowly began to swell and hang from my chest as gravity slowly took over! More and more they descended until there could be no mistake, I was growing breasts!

The hair on my legs began to disappear quickly, and was replaced by the silky smooth feel of a woman's skin! I ran my slender hand along my arm, wondering just what I had done to cause this change to happen! I studied my hand before my eyes, it had become slim and graceful with long feminine fingers. I looked back down and saw the necklace gently resting between my newly grown breasts.

After the initial shock, I began to smile with a giddy anticipation of what was to come next. It was as if I was suddenly living all of my fantasies rolled into one very brief moment of time.

I began to look over my body and the changes that had been dealt over the past twenty minutes. I scooted to the edge of the bed and hung my head, hair fell onto my lap, cascading and shimmering into a golden blonde pool of silky hair. A quick search confirmed my suspicions, gone was the usual cumbersome equipment that I had known all of my life, I was now very female between my legs! My unfettered breasts swung free as I approached the mirror, slowly as if I was creeping in on some ferocious wild beast.

"What's happened? This...this is impossible!" I said to myself as my voice had come to match my body, very feminine and sexy. I gracefully turned my head from side to side and watched the golden tresses slide across my back and shoulder. Again, I looked toward the little medal that hung from my long and slender neck. "Did you do this to me?" I ran a long nail over the winged cherub that was embossed on its surface.

I couldn't believe what was happening to me while the transformation continued; while my face became more and more lovely, the blonde hair slowly grew from my head until it almost touched my thin waist. I was gorgeous! For once in my life I really felt happy, because this wonderful accident was an answer to my prayer!

Slowly peeling out of my boxers, I began to search through Angel's clothes for items to wear. I felt a bit out of place doing so, but for the first time, I somehow knew that the clothes that I would wear, could actually fit my body in the way they were intended.

I smiled as I slid a very sexy panty up my legs and let it rest on my now shapely hips. A matching bra followed as I found myself becoming aroused in my excitement. The silky white material was beautiful against the golden tanned color of my skin. I looked back into the mirror, I could see some subtle changes still working across my body. My eyes had changed from their normal boring look, to one that would captivate and hold any male under their gaze. The lashes were long and dark, curling upward ever so gently. My lips had even gone through a change of their own, the thin boyish lips that I was accustomed were gradually replaced with lush and full lips that looked to be very kiss-able indeed.

I pulled a blouse out and quickly slipped it over my head, the neckline was low enough to show off a hint cleavage in a extremely sexy way, but not so low that it looked slutty. A small tremor of excitement raced through my body as I spied the little necklace that was nestled in the deep expanse of my new breasts.

I began to dig into another box and found a pair of low hip hugging jeans in a sexy light blue denim, which I slowly began to pull them up my now silky legs. Finally, fully able to realize a fantasy of mine, wearing female clothes and actually having them fit the way they were meant to be. I looked back into the mirror and smiled, the grin slowly spreading across the most gorgeous face I had ever seen.

Walking back into the living room, I sought out a box of shoes, I pulled out sandals and put them on my dainty feet. Finally, for the first time in my life I felt complete, I was rendered beautiful, and female. I felt that God had finally answered my prayer, and released me into the life that I was destined to have.

I sat down on the recliner and leaned back into the chair with a enormous and giddy smile dancing across my face. I wondered if the girl I had become was somehow locked into me, which the little charm finally released. "Who was she?" I wondered to myself as I let my fingers slowly trace the opening of my shirt down across my lovely breasts.

I leaned my head back allowing the hair to fall loosely onto my arm, as I began to flip it back over my shoulder, my eyes caught sight of a photo sitting on a little table. It was of Ray, standing next to a female who appeared to look exactly like me, "Oh...oh my God!" I thought. It had to be Angel, I had somehow been changed into Angel...his wife!

Suddenly a wash of anguish came like a tidal wave over me, I realized that if Angel had left Ray, there was no way in hell that he would let me stay like this!. I wasn't even sure that I could change back, even if I could. I looked at the photo again, he had his arm gently around my... her waist, holding her protectively. I could almost feel his hand there right now, but that would be impossible knowing that I had never taken a picture with him.

I was torn between knowing that I couldn't stay like this and wanting desperately to remain in this form, forever. I stood up, then walked to a mirror hanging in the living room, slowly drinking in the reflection of a beautiful woman looking back at me.

"Well, at least I know what the real Angel looked like." My soft feminine voice sounded strange to my ears.

My eyes fell on the little medallion, "I'll bet you're what caused this change to me." I walked back into the bedroom and sought out the baggie that had held the medallion, gently, I removed it and dropped it back inside the clear plastic bag.

I slowly began to brush my lovely hair and relished the feeling of not just wearing women's clothes, but actually having them fit me properly. The wonderful feeling of being encased in this feminine form was like a glorious song being played over and over, I never wanted it to stop. Slowly, I drew a delicately manicured finger down my gentle sloping breast into my deep cleavage. "Ray would never let me remain this way. Anyway, what would happen when the real Angel saw me, that could be very uncomfortable for her to see an exact twin."

I heard the little one began to stir and walked back into the nursery to pick her up. I bent down and drew her up to my shoulder and walked her to the changing table. There I placed her down and quickly changed her diaper. She smiled and kicked her dainty little feet in excitement.

I bent down low and rubbed my nose upon hers, "How's little Angel this morning?"

I kissed her soft cheek and she pulled at the golden hair that brushed her tiny hand. I smiled and realized that this was an answer to my prayer, now I could actually live the life of a beautiful woman every day of the year. If only I could talk Ray into letting me stay this way forever or at least as long as I was in his house.

But how would I know if I could ever regain my original body back? I had no real way of knowing whether I would remain this way forever. That thought permeated through my head, "Would that be at all bad?" I smiled at the thought of looking like this little infant's mother, then a thought occurred to me, "How's... how's my little Angel?" I loved the sound of that coming from my soft lips. "My little Angel."

I picked up the little girl and carried her into the kitchen, "Come on, Angel, I'll fix up a bottle for you" And so began a day that I would cherish for my entire life. All throughout that day and well into the afternoon I played 'Mommy' to the tiny baby. By evening, though, I began to wonder what I would tell Ray. I wasn't sure if it really was the small medallion that had caused these changes to me but I had hoped that it was, at least that would explain what had happened.

I had fallen so easily into the role of a woman that it almost startled me, as the day progressed I became to act more and more comfortable that it became second nature. I didn't care about the old Alex that had stumbled onto the medallion during the morning, this was as an answer to a prayer! I wanted to stay like this forever, I didn't look at it like being trapped, I felt it was more like a genuine release from the shell that I had been stuck into for the past 16 years, well, at least the last four anyway.

I sat there cuddling with Angel and kissing her small face as she slept cradled in my slender arms, she was beginning to stir and I was becoming concerned. I knew that Ray had mentioned that he was going to stop by the store and purchase some items for Angel after work, I just hoped that formula was one of them. I pulled my sexy long legs under me and smiled as Angel held onto my little finger trying to pull it into her mouth to suckle.

I checked the clock again, "Daddy will be home in about an hour or so, I sure hope we can wait until then."

I tried to put a pacifier into her mouth but she made a face and spit it out, it fell past her ear and bounced onto the couch.

"I don't blame you at all honey, I wouldn't want that plastic thing in my mouth either."

I picked her up and walked back and forth in the living room, "I sure hope your daddy doesn't want me to go back to being Alex," I said as I rocked her in my arms, "I want to stay with you and remain like this forever!"

I smiled as she kept nuzzling my rounded bosom, knowing full well what she was after. I looked at the clock and shook my head at the little bundle in my arms and smiled.

"Where can your Daddy be?"

She frowned, starting to sob softly, "I know... I know... you're getting hungry." I whispered, kissing her tenderly.

I kept rocking the little girl while watching the clock as I waited for her father to come home. "I wonder what he's going to say when he sees his former wife holding their little daughter."

I frowned as her cries became louder, "Come on Ray, get back with the formula." I pleaded, quickening my pacing in the living room, again glancing at the clock. "It's almost 8:00, and you need to eat." I sighed to the whimpering infant in my arms.

My stomach was all twisted up, I wanted to help her, but struggled with what I knew she needed and not being able to help her at all.

Again I slowly began to pace back and forth from the living room into the hallway, after turning around at the end of the hall I noticed a box of clothes, there laying inside the box was a brand new maternity bra, still with the tags.

"I wonder," I said as I bent down and picked it up. It was still pristine white and apparent that it had never been worn, still dangling the maker's size and labels. "Your mommy must have bought it before she ran out on Daddy."

I carried the bra into the bedroom where I had placed the little medallion inside the baggie. Looking from one item to the other, I thought, "I wonder if this could work?" I placed Angel down on the center of the bed and gently lifted the medallion out of the package. I placed both the bra and the medallion on the dresser. Slowly I unbuttoned the blouse I was wearing and cut the tags from the new bra. I slipped my shoulders into the straps and let my pert young breasts I had grown accustomed to, fall into the larger cups. "Well here goes," I reached out and grabbed the chain letting the small charm swing free.

I closed my eyes and said a silent prayer asking the Lord to grant me one more desperate wish, this time for the baby. I opened my eyes and allowed the small medallion to gently lay along my sloping breast and touch the cup of the bra. I could feel a soft tingle dance across my chest. I quickly placed the medal back into the baggie for the protection of both of us. Looking down, I hoped and prayed that my breast was the only thing changed, but as they say, desperate times call for desperate measures. I prayed that my hunch was right. I waited, knowing that the crying infant needed milk and right now, at this point, I didn't care how she got it. I just knew that it was the one thing that I could try, besides, if her Mother was here right now she would have probably just breast fed her long ago. I wanted to help, and this was the only way I knew of doing it.

I watched my chest as the loose fitting cups began to fill with my own growing breasts, as each bosom slowly began to stretch and become uncomfortable with the additional milk that Angel desperately needed. I slipped the blouse I had been wearing back on and unhooked the small tab that held the small bra flap covering my slowly engorging breast. Gently I picked up the crying infant and moved her to my swollen teat. The child quickly began to nuzzle me and it only took a moment before she latched on and began to suckle.

I have read stories where the individual who breastfed an infant acted as it was such a pleasurable experience to nurse. This was miles beyond that! It hurt, and the little one was frantically pulling on me, almost bringing tears to my eyes. For a moment, I contemplated what I had just gotten myself into, but then, I would probably have done this anyway, knowing our predicament.

It wasn't without a great deal of pain that I held the nursing infant, then the two of us returned to the living room and sat down in the big recliner. I pulled an afghan down to cover the contented child and help me with my chilly arms as she nursed vigorously. I winced, then talked softly to the little child working feverishly on my sore nipples.

The only sounds either made at that special moment, was the soft sucking and swallowing of the infant and the creaking of the chair we both were in. I felt her relax her hold on my breast, and begin to get heavy, I knew she was falling asleep, full and content. I quietly lifted her to my shoulder and began to pat her back like I had seen so many mothers do, she chirped out her burp and rubbed her tiny face against my shoulder. I smiled and began to hum a soft song as we started to rock gently in the big chair, I found myself drifting off to sleep as well.

This is the third story of the trilogy...It was written in a slightly different style that I normally write in, but it was something that readers have been asking me to complete. I hope you enjoy it.

I tipped my book slightly, the glare from the reflecting sun upon the glossy pages was blinding me. I slowly rubbed the spots from my eyes, and lifted my head from my studies, looking away and trying to blink through the brilliant white spot that seemingly hovered in position upon my gaze. I slowly closed my textbook and sat it beside me on the leaves, deep into my fourth year of college, I had done enough heavy reading to last me a lifetime.

I was perched up on a high hill, the land gently sloped downward where it leveled off in the distance; meeting the suburban sidewalk of the addition where I lived with my father. Pulling my knees into my chest, I rest my chin upon my folded arms. A gentle breeze drifted against my skin, cool but still comfortable against my exposed legs on this late fall afternoon. Several dried leaves tumbled along as they skipped across my feet until they became caught up in the withered blades of grass.

My eyes caught a slight movement, a young deer was noiselessly picking its way along a trail that ran about half-way up the slope. The path it was on, would take it several hundred yards to my left where it opened up on the back-side of a local farmer's field. The doe would walk a few steps and lift her head, sniff the air and look around. At one point, she looked directly at me, I could swear that she knew I was there. Her head lowered, ears twitched forward, studying the strange lump at the base of the tree that was me for several long seconds.

I sat frozen in time, scarcely breathing, in awe of being so close to this creature of nature. The doe looked down the hill, towards children that were riding their bikes along the sidewalk. She nervously watched them, her tail twitching rapidly as she contemplated her next move. She blew a soft blast of air out of her nose, tamping her hoof against the ground in warning, then quickly, albeit noiselessly raced toward the field and safety. I smiled as I watched her disappear into the distance, her white flag the last thing I could see.

The sun was dappling the ground, here or there, only to be broken by the shadows from the canopy of dying leaves that had grown profusely during the warmer spring and summer. I inhaled deeply, the moist earthy then smells of fall, soon to be covered with the crisp, clean air of winter snows. Somewhere below me I heard a gleeful child's laughter, my eyes sought out from where the happy sounds came. A young girl was riding circles at the end of a cul-de-sac, her handlebar streamers reflecting back silver in the bright sun.

I smiled at her childlike innocence, here was someone so comfortable in her youthful form. I felt the smile slowly fade, as though I was but a robot that has had its power removed. My eyes lowered, my gaze locking onto the leaves on the woodland floor, a myriad of color that reminded me of the paint on an artists pallet. I could feel the muscles of my jaw tighten, only slightly though before the bitter memories of my early youth washed into my mind.

The forest floor I had been staring at moments before, began to subtly change, I could feel the anger I once had, slowly wash from my system. The sunny spots, the mottled and drying leaves, small clusters of green grass my gaze had once been fixed to, all blurred and formed a pattern in my eyes as tears welled.

I had hated her so, I recalled; but I had a right to for what she had done to me. Locking me in a form that seemed impossible, and yet much like a lifelong prison. I can still hear my father whisper to me as I glared at her lifeless form as it lay in the coffin, 'Mama was sick in her head darling, she didn't know what she was doing.'

I remembered looking up at him, my eyes cold and unfeeling, responding in a voice that was bitter with resentment. 'She knew exactly what she was doing, Papa.' He said nothing in reply, his gaze slowly dropping toward the floor, perhaps in sorrow at the part he played in my changing...or perhaps didn't play in preventing it from happening in the first place.

Those days so long ago, shrouded in the past, were like trying to recall the dialogue of a movie. You can remember the plot and the eventual outcome, but gone was the little nuances that made up bits of the story. I was so young when she used that damnable medallion on me, it's properties twisting and reshaping my form into that of a little girl my own age.

Then she added insult to injury, placing the little necklace in a garage sale, forcing me to watch it leave with a young couple. Seeing them walk off with my only way to return to normal, was akin to pushing a dagger into my back, slowly twisting it again and again. I honestly felt that I died on that day, losing all hope of ever returning to what I once was.

In my mind, I plotted a bitter end to her, to my own mother. I wanted to take her life as she had mine, plotting her eventual demise each time I closed my eyes for bed. I did love my mother, but there was an evil side of me that wanted retribution for her action. Having to wake each morning, still locked like a prisoner in my feminine vault, reminded of her sentence of me each time I looked at that..that girl in the mirror.

Over that first year, my parents fought constantly. Each day the waning love my father once had for her, washed away like waves against the shore, a constant ebb and flow that eroded whatever had once been 'theirs'. No longer were they talking, it seemed our little family had broken into two camps...my father and I on one side...and my mother and helpless baby sister Leah, on the other.

By the following Spring, my father and I had moved out, and mother was living alone with Leah.

The time that elapsed did help in my bitterness, days that once were full of night crawlers and frogs had been transformed, like me, into barbies and princesses. It seemed that each day I was trapped as that little girl became easier, even answering to 'her' name as it was my own. The humiliation of returning to school as a girl caused me great anxiety, so fearful that my classmates would see through my disguise and recognize me as who I once was.

***

Sitting up, I wiped my eyes and leaned the back of my head against the tree. The softly blowing breeze was carrying the scent of fall in its tender embrace. I inhaled deeply, wanting to remember this moment for the rest of my life..for the decision I needed to make was...forever.

If someone would ask you, 'Do you remember what you were doing on September 11, 2001? Unless you had been living under a rock, you could relate exactly everything about that horrible day. It was a memory emblazoned in our minds that it would take generations to forget. Today for me, was somewhat like that, only on a much smaller scale.

Behind me I could hear a tractor as it pulled a plow through the field, the turned soil had a musty, earthy smell. I craned my neck to watch, it was a life I could easily lead, tilling the soil and preparing to make life from a single seed once winter released her icy grip.

I slowly pulled myself up and sat my book on a log, eventually taking my place beside it but not before brushing the dead leaves and dirt from my denim shorts. I was purposefully delaying my answer, prolonging what could prove to be my destiny for just a while longer, afraid to make a decision that I might regret.

My mind returned to that fateful day, seemingly so long ago. The day my father broke the news of the accident that took my mother and little sister. I placed my forearms onto my thighs, allowing my hands to relax between my parted knees.

***

There was a knock on the bedroom door, "There's been an accident, Jen...please, open the door!" Something about the emotion in his voice compelled me to push my self pity aside and scramble to unlock the door. It swung open and my father fell to his knees, drawing me into a bear-like hug and sobbing in my ear.

"Daddy?" I asked softly, "Daddy, what is it?"

He looked up and into my face, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Your mother...Leah.." He stammered.

"What about them?" I frantically asked, "What's happened?" I began to cry myself without even knowing what I was crying about, his voice cracked as he attempted once again to say. Slowly he moved toward the bed and pulled me along with him, drawing me close and crying even louder.

"They're gone...it was an automobile accident." He sobbed into the palms of his hands. Now it was my turn to hold onto him as I began to cry as well.

He began to try to explain, talking and crying at the same time. "Leah must have been crying, witnesses in the car behind them told the police that your mama turned to look into the back of the seat and her car drifted off the road. Your Mama over-corrected and rolled her car...several times." He stared into my face, tears clinging to his cheeks.

Tears welled in my vision as I stood staring at the floor, my bottom lip quivered with raw emotion. "I'm sorry mama..." I cried as I felt my legs buckle and I fell to the floor.

***

In a dazed stupor, I sat unmoving as I watched the two long white hearse's turn into the cemetery. Papa and I were in the third car, being driven my a kind employee of the funeral home. My eyes burned from crying over the past two days...week, in reality. Papa sat quietly beside me with his arm gently holding me close.

Guilt from all the evil things that raced through my mind and wished on my mother..they all ate at me, consuming my soul in a dark evil despair that I could never hope to escape from. I knew that I had been sealed in this prison of mine for a lifetime, I had no real hope of ever returning to the boy I had been. But...I no longer had that one tangible villain that I could focus my anger upon...she had been ripped from me as my gender had been.

As the car stopped and our driver opened the door for me, I looked up at father. His red eyes still held tears, I felt sorry for him in a way, even though he had argued with mama, he did still love her. I stopped being angry at him long ago. Sure, he could have stopped her in some way, but papa was weak and mama always took advantage of that.

In the quiet rain I stood and watched as the water dripped from a preacher's umbrella. He spoke of the good things that my mother did during her life...I would have been alright had I not heard the man speak of the two beautiful little girls that she brought into the world. Those words stung at my very core, I shook my hand loose from my fathers and headed back to the car.

I crawled back into the long 'family car' and closed the door behind me. Sitting at the window, watching the rain roll down the glass, I began sobbing. I wasn't crying for her or Leah, I was selfish and crying for me.

She was gone, Leah was gone, but I was still here, trapped in this hell she put me into.

***

I slowly stood and picked my book from the log, making my way higher, I stood by the field and watched the tractor as it pulled the plow and turned the soil behind it. I leaned against the fencing and put my foot through one of the squares, my vision preoccupied by a tiny butterfly as it danced around a wildflower. Even this lone straggler didn't know what to do, leaving would be prudent but knowing better wasn't part of the plan.

Again my mind drifted back all of those years, back to a time when decisions were oh so much simpler. I still remember it was only a few weeks after we had buried mama and Leah, that everything seemed to change for me. Papa and I had moved back to the house we had once lived, abandoning the apartment in an attempt to save a bit of money. I had returned to my old school but few really remembered me...well, they didn't know the 'girl' me and it bothered me greatly.

Friends that I had long ago, no longer knew who I was. A best friend that I had just before my change seemed to be bent on name calling and treating me so badly...just because I was a girl. After school, the bus dropped me off in front of the house, instead of going inside like I was supposed to, I made a beeline to the park across the street from our home. I walked to the park in a funk, bitter and feeling sorry for myself, I unceremoniously deposited my book bag on the ground near the fountain.

Slowly heading toward the swing, I began to feel the need to cry. It is such a silly thing that I seem to do without thinking sometimes...such a girl thing to do.

"Jeffrey?" I heard a male voice call out softly.

I continued to walk, buried deeply with my own sorrowful thoughts, again the voice called out. "Jeffrey?"

I paused and looked around, it had been so long since I heard that name that it sounded almost alien to me. I nodded, "I..used to be called Jeffery," then looked back toward 'her' house, "But that was long ago, before she..."

The man held out the baggie, my eyes grew wide as I realized what he held. I looked from the bag he held and then to him, "The medallion!"

I looked upward toward the man, his face so familiar. "I...I remember you!" I recalled, "You two bought this from our garage sale, didn't you!"

The man nodded as his young wife pulled their child from the infant swing, "Take it, do whatever you need to with it." He looked at his wife for reassurance, "We don't need it anymore."

Tears streamed down my cheeks, "Thank you! How... how can I ever repay you for..." I fingered the baggie and its contents, tiny droplets of tears falling upon its clear surface.

The pretty woman pulled me close and hugged me tenderly, "It'll be okay, you'll see." She said in a motherly whisper. "It can be a hurtful thing...but it can also be a blessing, I can attest to that for myself!"

I felt as though I would burst with happiness, quickly hugged them tightly and ran home, as fast as my legs could carry me.

I stormed into the house with the little baggie, cradling it in my small hands like a priceless object. It was true, to me that little cherub
hanging at the end of the chain was THE key to release me from my prison. I raced to the side of my father, seated in his chair and silently going over the day's mail. He glanced at me and lowered his reading glasses.

"I can see by the way you are breathing that something has you excited." I swallowed hard as he was speaking, still trying to gather what had just happened...really did happen. "Was it the boys from school teasing you again?" I vigorously shook my head 'no', the action sending my long hair swinging.

I couldn't even speak, I just held out the baggie so he could look at it. I knew I had his attention when he sat up straighter and gently
took it from my grasp. "I'll be damned Jennifer, where did you find it?"

"Those people, the ones that mama sold the necklace to...I was in the park and they just...just gave it to me." I felt the pull of a smile
drawing up the corners of my mouth.

"Are you sure that's the real thing?" He asked as he examined it through the protective baggie.

"There's only one way to find out, Papa." I chirped, sounding hopeful.

He looked at me for several long moments, the silence was deafening. "We don't have any more of your old clothes, Jennifer."

I frowned and looked back at the baggie laying where he had placed it, still on the table. "Can we do like mama did and just buy new
clothes...I mean, for a boy my age?"

He screwed up his mouth as if deep in thought, "I suppose we could, If you really wanted to go back to being a boy."

I gave him a shocked look, "Of course I want to go back to being a boy..."

He interrupted me before I could finish, "You have been Jennifer for almost three years, there is no trace of the boy you used to be still left in you!"

I buried my face in my hands and sobbed, "I can't stay like this any longer, papa...I just can't!"

He reached out and lifted my head, his palm at my cheek, and his thumb gently pushed away my tears. "All...all right, Jen...we'll change you
back."

***

Hearing a sound down by the cul-de-sac I looked over my shoulder, far below I could hear the children giggling as they rode in circles with their bikes. I reached over the fence, and plucked a dying 'Queen Ann's Lace' from it's stem. I chuckled to myself as I thought back about my return to Jeffery, perhaps papa had been right, three years of being Jennifer had left an undeniable imprint on my mind. Early on, I had to remind myself to 'act male', and yet often my body seemed to revert back to it's old way.

Sighing I tossed the flower onto the ground, then promptly stepped on it as I scooped up my book bag and slung it on my shoulder. Pushing my
hand deep into my pocket I began to pick my way down the incline toward the cul-de-sac, all the while my thoughts kept returning back to those
early days of once again being Jeffery.

***

I couldn't understand what was wrong with me. I would see my father, a big guy with manly features and then look at my reflection in the mirror. Narrow shoulders, smaller stature, skinny...almost effeminate. At sixteen, you would have thought that I would be bursting with the same manly traits that my father possessed...but no. Papa's theory was that I had spent too much time as a girl. Oh, I knew that I could have
used that damnable thing to alter parts of me, but the sheer terror of what I had lived through for those years was enough to keep it at bay.

It was true, I still had it, safely hidden in the back of my closet...and I swore to myself that I would never again use it...EVER! Just the chance of accidentally locking myself in another form, scared the living hell right out of me!

Often, when I felt as though I would crumble under the lure of the medallion, I forced myself from such close proximity and retreated to the higher confines of a little wooded area near my home. From my lofty perch, I could see all that transpired within my block whether I cared to or not.

I recall watching a young teenage girl riding her bicycle without hands, arms spread out to the side like she was imitating an airplane. She had her face in the warm sun and she was just coasting along, made a loop through our cul-de-sac and road back out the way she came. I was mesmerized by the fact that the whole time she rode the circle around the cul-de-sac, not one time did she touch the handlebars.

I watched a small bag flutter along her handlebars and then fall onto the ground as she had her face turned toward the sun..not once noticing that she had dropped her parcel. I knew what it was like to lose something, since she didn't stop for it..I'd guess I would.

I started down from my place of solitude, hands pushed deep into the pockets of my jeans. About half way between the hill and the home, where I was leaving the sidewalk and entering the street, I spied the bag still laying near the edge of the curb.

In one casual move, I gathered it up and continued my way to our front door. It felt as though something was inside, perhaps taking up enough room to become a worthwhile find, although it felt soft like it may be clothing of some sort. I kept scanning the street, looking for the girl to return to look for her package but to no avail, she never appeared to claim her bag.

Unlocking the door to the house, I flopped onto the couch and carefully opened up the little plastic bag. I promptly upended it onto the couch, the contents rolling from it. Carefully unfolding the article of clothing, I was slightly shocked and embarrassed to realize what I held in my hand.,

"A bra?" I whispered aloud. The stretchy cups were folded so one was inside the other, between them was a receipt. "Someone isn't going to be happy when they get home and see that they lost their purchase." I said softly to myself.

Carefully refolding it, I tossed it down on the coffee table and returned to the kitchen to get myself a soda. Mentally, I was trying to recall the girls who lived in the area that this item might actually belong to. Walking back into the room, I sat down the soda and reluctantly gathered it up again.

Gently holding it by its straps, I allowed it to turn until I could make out the size. "32 B". I sat the can down and tossed the bra onto the table once again. As I sat staring, I realized that had the kindly couple not returned the necklace when they had, I more than likely would have possessed a very real need for one of these contraptions!

I put a hand to my chest, "Flat. Just the way nature intended!" I said with a laugh to myself, refolding the undergarment and tossing it back into the bag.

***

Evening eventually rolled around and found me lounging on my bed with my feet propped on the headboard. I was perusing through a magazine and kept being drawn back to an ad for custom t-shirts, modeled by a buxom young woman. The caption on the front was stretched between her feminine charms. I rolled onto my stomach and studied the photo with a fascination of a junkie in search of his fix.

I looked at my clock, it was 8:57pm...for all intents purposes, I was in for the night and since it was Friday evening, I wouldn't be expected up by my father until noon. My eyes darted to the door of the closet. "No, dammit!"

"What would it hurt?" I argued softly with myself. "I have enough time, no one will know."

I reached out for the bag and stilled my hand, "This is stupid!" I said as I slowly retreated it away.

I kicked the magazine from the bed and as it fell to the floor, it again opened to the ad that I had been studying.

I swung my feet to the floor and pushed it with a toe, it flipped shut. I gave a short nervous laugh and got out of bed and shut off the overhead light. Now the room was bathed only in a soft light of the lamp on my desk, reaching out, I shut it off bathing the room in instant darkness.

I threw my shorts off onto the floor, promptly followed them with my shirt. Kicking my fan on only for the noise, I stretched out on the bed and rolled to my side and studied a shaft of moonlight as it pierced into my room.

The light struck the magazine and illuminated the glossy sheen that was on the cover. As the fan oscillated back into the center of the room, I watched as two or three pages were pushed by the breeze it caused once again revealing the girl with her t-shirt stretched to its limits.

Again I felt like the proverbial junkie, my eyes darting between the the package where it lay and the closed closet door. I felt as though I was drawn to that closet, pulled along like a speck of dust toward the sun. Before I realized what I was doing, I was standing in the middle of my room with the bra in one hand and the medallion spinning dangerously from my other.

The hesitation was only a second or two, I realized that I had acted without thinking when I felt the tingle spread across my chest. The feeling startled me at first, but quickly I remembered that same feel so long ago. I was just a youngster then, barely in school. Now though, the changes would be more dramatic, and that truly scared the hell out of me.

My mind flashed back quickly, deep recessed memories began bubbling forward into my consciousness, a reminder of the personal hell that my mother had served upon me. Back then though, I hardly noticed the changes until it pulled my male essence directly into my body..this change, could not be hidden so well.

In abject fascination I watched my dime sized areola's slowly began to expand..penny sized, nickle, quarter, half dollar it continued until it stopped somewhere slightly larger than a half dollar. Then as if on queue, my nipple slowly began to grow outward. Pencil sized, at first only stopping until it reached a pinky size. I gently manipulated the skin, wonderment at seeing such a strange alien change to my body.

Then each began to grow slightly, a tiny miniscule mound at first. As it grew outward, they started to take on a conical shape which slowly morphed into a bell like swell. I put down the medallion and the bra, holding my hand under the swell, it had passed an inch and was now approaching an inch and a half in distance out of my chest.

As I stood in complete awe of what I was seeing, each continued to grow outward past two and approaching three inches away from my body. On my skinny frame, they could be nothing other than female breasts. I thought back to my mother, what child would remember his deceased mother's breast size..not I. I had never really thought of it before, now it was a little too late as they had begun to reach the size to draw and pull with mass, I could now definitely feel their weight.

At this point, I realized that this was probably a stupid thing to do, and swallowed hard as a marked cleavage began to deepen, slowly the distance between them grew together. "Shit.." I sighed as I turned toward the mirror. "There is no way that these can be a 32 B!" I whispered softly as I looked into the mirror. "They must have been miss marked...shit!"

I knew enough that most likely they were going to be in the 34 range. My eyes were pulled toward my waist, somehow the medallion had worked slightly beyond my chest and also given me a very feminine, tapered waist. As this macabre morphing began to subside, I definitely had the upper profile of a very buxom girl.

I picked up the bra and attempted to put it on, I felt that it would be more like sticking ten pounds of potatoes into a five pound bag. As I contemplated my situation, the cell phone on my dresser began to lighten up and buzz. I reached to answer it, the strange sway from these new unfettered appendages left much to be desired. I stood with the bra hanging from my hand as I tried to hide my stupidity, knowing that I have probably done the dumbest thing of my entire life.

As I answered my phone, I found myself attempting to cover up so the person calling wouldn't be able to see..even though they couldn't possibly. "Hey, what's up?" I said, quickly gathering up and holding my t-shirt against my chest.

"This sucks man, my sister has a sleep over and I'm stuck here with all these stupid girls!" The voice on the other end groused.

"Girls in nighties..." I replied back, as I attempted pulling my t-shirt over my head and cover these new assets.

"My sister is eight, you dork!" He shot back, "Hey, how about I come over and spend the night?"

I looked down at the impossible vision I was seeing, the swelling of my chest beneath my shirt."Uh..nah, I can't have anyone over tonight."

"Yeah, I guess..probably because of your cold?"

"Cold?" I replied.

"Yeah, your voice sounds funny. Sounds like you have a cold." He yawned in my ear as he was speaking.

I looked down, the deep cleavage visible through the stretched neck hole, each side the creamy flesh tapered inward, lost in the deep recesses of the void between. "Oh, yes..I have a cold." I spoke, realizing that he gave me an excuse not to have a visitor.

He sighed heavily, "Well..crap, I guess I'll just hole up in my bedroom, fire up the computer and play a few rounds of zombie hunter."

"You do that buddy!" I replied as I accidentally ran my finger across the swollen nipple that stood out like a tiny sentential from my chest, the move caused me to shudder.

"I'll talk at you later dude, don't do anything I wouldn't do!" As the phone went dead on his end I sat it back onto the dresser.

"Too late..." I sighed, hefting the new weight of my breasts.

******

I caught myself smiling as stopped and sat down on a stump, I was only half way down the hill...procrastinating on returning home too quickly. Inwardly, I was recalling the steps I took to experiment with once again being that girl that my mother tried so hard to trap me as. I recalled how hard I tried to enact those changes that would allow me to see what type of female I would have become.

I took money that I had earned mowing grass and after a change or two, slipped into stores to make purchases that would push me further and further into that feminine world without changing me into a copy of some stranger. No, the changes I was after, would only be those as if I had been born that way.

A few hours a week slowly morphed into full days when I was able to time the changes while my father was absent from the house. I got brave too, able to escape into town from time to time and make a few feminine purchases here or there, each one dedicated to making my ruse even more believable. I remember vividly when I took that final plunge and made that 'ultimate' change to make me 100% female...I had to have been dancing around that final stage for almost a full three months into it.

I lay my book-bag on my lap and leaned over my elbows, remembering how fast the muscle memories came back to me..muscle memories that I had worked so hard to forget. I remember consciously making effort to not sit so feminine...not to gesture like a female...not to act like a girl.

Sighing I pushed my hand through my hair and rubbed at my temples, it took only a matter of weeks to undo all of the sensory mapping that I had tried so desperately to hide. When I was Jeffery, everyone thought I was gay, when I was in my Jennifer mode, those I met thought I was sweet. But like that proverbial junkie, I kept going back to that damn necklace time and time again; and each time I did, I would sink further and further into my mother's trap.

The summer of my Junior year of high school, my father left for China on three weeks for business. I convinced him that I could stay at home and be alright. With a slight bit of trepidation, he relented and left for his trip. Determined to play the feminine role, I concocted a story with my friends about going with him...and my 'cousin' Jennifer was going to watch our house and collect our mail for us.

My second night there, one of my 'Jeffrey' friends, Blaine stopped by for a visit, and invited me as 'Jennifer' to a party. Reluctantly, I agreed to go along. After drinking way too much there, Blane helped me into his car and drove me home...that evening, well into the night our kissing and cuddling got the best of me...and I..I lost my virginity.

In a panic, for three days straight I tried to reverse the changes using the medallion, but to no such luck. Deep down from the research I had done, I knew it could only be one of two things, that I was beginning my period or that I was pregnant. I cried as each attempt to change failed. Blaine kept calling me on the house phone but I refused to answer, profusely embarrassed at what I might have done to myself. Not to mention that I had done the act with one of my best friends.

The fourth morning I began to cramp and felt sick to my stomach, I thanked my lucky stars that it was the start of my first period and not a pregnancy that was preventing the changes. Thankfully, I had prepared for the possibility and had made the necessary purchases long ago to cover this very issue.

By the time my father returned home, I had changed back, Jeffery was once again the prince of his castle. Papa was none the wiser, although if he had suspected something, he never let on.

I had been so frightened from the 'pregnancy' possibility that I swore off using the necklace for almost six full months. But as summer turned into fall, I found myself once again becoming Jennifer.

***

"This seat taken?" The deep voice asked, causing me to look up.

"No." I replied and continued to read my book. I had found my way into the library, it was one place where they didn't ask me a lot of questions when I applied for my card. It felt exhilarating to have something with my 'other' identity on it. I glanced up quickly, the boy pulling the seat out beside me was huge. I imagined he was well over 6'5", and probably close to 260lbs.

"The name is Tig, Tig Stonebreaker." He held out his hand. I looked from his hand back to him, carefully reaching out and grasped it. Some part of me felt that I could trust him..even though he dwarfed me in size, his grasp was firm but not too 'aggressive'.

"Jennifer Taylor." I responded as I let his huge hand go and returned to turn a page of my book.

"You new around here?" He asked, tipping his head so he could look at my face.

"No, I'm not from here..I'm just visiting relatives." I replied without looking up, pushing my long hair over my shoulder. My father did not approve of me letting my hair grow out, eventually he relented because he thought I was just going through a rebellious stage.

"So, you going to college here?" He asked as he began to thumb through a book he brought with him.

"I'm still in high school. I'm a senior." I sighed and placed my bookmark back into the spine of my book. "And you?"

"I'm a defensive tackle for the Manchester Spartans." He smiled broadly, apparently proud of his accomplishment. "I'm a Sophomore"

"Congratulations on being a Sophomore...but, I'm not a fan of football." I lied, hoping that he would just go away.

He frowned and shrugged, "That's okay, my own mother hates the sport."

I fought back a smile and continued to read. "So, would you like to come and see me play Saturday night?"

I allowed my eyes to raise, staring intently at him for several seconds until I was sure he could see the grey of the iris. "Why would I want to watch a game that I don't like?"

He smiled broadly, his straight white teeth practically illuminating the deep tan on his face. "Well...perhaps because I'm there?"

I again fought through a smile. "If I didn't know any better Tig, I would think you were attempting to flirt with me."

He placed a finger on his nose and raised his eyebrows. I couldn't help but to laugh aloud at his antic, several around us looked up from their studies. "Uh-oh, looks like we woke up the geek squad." He said with a laugh.

I leaned back into my chair and worked a hair tie from my wrist and began to put my hair back into a ponytail. "Can you say that any louder?" I shook my head and laughed, "You're going to get us kicked out of here."

Not far away an older man leaned over a counter and cleared his throat, "Too late." I sighed.

He stood up and pushed his chair in almost like a character, making faces as it ground against the tile flooring. "Come with me Jennifer Taylor, I'll buy you a scoop of Ice Cream."

"Just one?" I replied pushing my chair in with my hip not caring whether I made noise or not. "After this, you probably owe me at least two."

"Scoop's or cones?" He asked as he held the door for me to walk through.

"Yes." I replied with a laugh.

As we walked the short way to the Ice Cream parlor, I took note of him from my peripheral vision. He was very tall and extremely well built, I came only up to his chest..and he made two of me.

We made our way to the ordering window, "Two cones please." He looked over at me, "New Orleans Praline and...What kind?"

"Vanilla." I replied.

He frowned, "Where's your sense of adventure, Jennifer Taylor?"

"What can I say, this girl just likes Vanilla Ice Cream." I said with a laugh and watched as he was fishing out his money, "So..aren't you going to get any Ice Cream?"

"I ordered mine...oh, I see.." He laughed as I took both from the girl behind the window. I took a nibble of the edge of his cone where the Ice Cream was about to fall off.

I handed it to him and licked the Ice Cream from my lips and fingers, "Here, hold this one for me."

"You sure, I just might eat it." He laughed and removed his cone from my outstretched hand.

"So..you never answered me about watching my game Saturday night" He stood intently watching me lick my cone as it was starting to melt onto my hand. It was fall, but still early and the days had been warm.

I took a lick and then a bite from the side of my scoop and he laughed. "What?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said as he rolled his tongue over the side of his Ice Cream.

I wasn't stupid, a boy is a boy is a boy. His weak little football mind was going right into the sewer watching me lick my cone.

"So, how about it?" He again fished for the answer he wanted.

I looked at him and paused from my Ice Cream, "How about what?"

He purposefully crossed his eyes, "Auuuugh! Jennifer Taylor, you're killing me!"

I laughed, again evading his question with another question, "Does your mother know that you, her college boy son, is talking to, and plying a high school girl with Ice Cream?"

"Oh no..no..no. You have me wrong, Jennifer Taylor. The 'plying' comes much later." He made air quotes with his two fingers and what was left of his Ice Cream cone.

"I did tell you that I don't like football." I reminded him.

"Three times." He sighed and tipped his head to the side, opening up his big baby blues even wider.

"Well, I suppose since I don't want to see a big guy cry...I'll attend your game." I smiled at him and leaned against a picnic table.

"He smiled broadly and started to eat the cone, crunching it in his mouth. After several seconds he put his finger to his temple and closed his eyes tightly.

"Ice Cream headache?" I asked as he nodded severely. "And they let you play an organized sport?" I said, giggling.

He started laughing and mock crying at the same time. "Maybe you should eat a bit slower." I reminded him.

"What's the fun in that?" He snickered as he slowly regained his composure.

"So, are you what..seventeen or eighteen?" He asked, emphasizing the latter hopefully.

"Does it matter?" I replied as I licked my dripping cone.

"Only to my mother...and my coach." He replied with a mischievous smile.

"I'm eighteen," I replied wiping my hand with a napkin. "And you?"

"Twenty, almost twenty-one." He watched me toss my napkin into the trash nearest our table. "Does that scare you?"

"Not really." I replied truthfully.

"Soooo...you wouldn't be afraid to hang out with ahem...bigger guy?" He looked down sheepishly. I could tell that he had an issue with confidence around females. Which made it all the more funny since I was only one part of the time.

"No, not really." I smiled, "I guess as long as he was good to me, I'd be just fine."

"He sat up straighter, "Jennifer Taylor, you never have to fear a thing when you are with me...ever."

******

To say that I was mildly impressed with Tig's football prowess would be a huge understatement, I became a regular at all of his home games. We became the best of friends, always seen together; almost as though we were joined at the hip.

He introduced me to his friends, but I still kept him at bay...I seemed to know much about him, and yet he knew absolutely nothing of me. Sadly, I was okay with that one sided relationship with this huge mountain of a man.

Always the gentleman, not once did he try to force me into doing something I wasn't ready to do. Sure, I'd kissed him and cuddled with him on occasion, but nothing further occurred, and that is just the way I liked it.

Our relationship took a uncomfortable change sometime during his Senior year of college. I had wrangled my way on campus as a commuter student the year prior, just as I had started my Sophomore year. Tig's team, the Spartans were entering a bye week just after a hugely important game that they won. The next team they would face was a perennial bottom dweller, so the coach gave them the weekend off. Tig invited me to his parents home and even though my conscious told me to say 'no thank you', my heart wanted nothing more than to go.

We drove for nearly twelve hours, through Chicago and on up into Wisconsin, almost thirty minutes due east of the Twin Cities we pulled down a long lane and he paused his car about half of the way between highway 'H' and a farm. "This is it, Jen."

I sat up straighter and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. "When you said you were a farm boy, I had always assumed that you meant corn and beans, I had no idea you were a dairy farmer."

He smiled very proudly, "My family has been raising dairy herds for over a hundred years. Fresh country air is all I know, well..that and football." He smiled as I rolled my window down, allowing the crisp morning air to enter the car.

Breathing deeply, I coughed, for what I was smelling, no flower could be blamed! After quickly rolling up my window, I fanned the smell from my face and buried my nose in the blanket that had been over my lap. Tig just laughed.

"To some, the air around a farm smells like...well, like shit...but to my family, that's what money smells like." He snickered and continued down the lane, our tires compacting the gravel under their weight.

"If that's what money smells like, I'm going to die a poor." I said from behind my blanket.

"Given the right circumstances, you might change your mind." He smiled nervously as he glanced quickly toward me.

Pulling into the farm, Tig stepped out and popped open the trunk. I was forced to wait until he could open up my door, since the passenger door wouldn't open from the inside. I sat quietly and looked up at the house, his mother came out drying her hands upon her apron.

Tig opened my door, "My lady." He said offering me his hand, he helped me out of his dilapidated Oldsmobile.

"Oh Tig, your farm is beautiful!" I said as I looked across the vast fields where the cows dotted the landscape.

"There are two things that I love most about this place, and one of them is this farm." He said as he retrieved our bags and walked beside me toward the house.

"And the other is?" I asked as his father came waddling toward us, well it wasn't actually a waddle but rather a limp.

"Hey Tigger!" The older man laughed, then looked up toward the porch and shouted to his wife, "Come on down, Mother, Tigger has a young lady with him!"

"Tigger?" I whispered with a laugh.

"Watch it..Tigger's are fun you know." He smiled and as his parents approached, he sat down our bags and introduced his parents.

"Jen, this is my father, Brian." I looked up at him, he was a good looking man and it left no doubt where Tig got his handsome looks and sheer size from.

"Don't need to be formal, honey...just call me Papa." He shook my hand and glanced toward Tig, "She sure is powerfully tiny."

"That's how they make em where she's from..." He replied as his mother finally caught up with us.

"Oh it is, is it?" I replied as his mother gave me a hug.

"Mother, this is Jennifer Taylor." She held me at arms distance and smiled.

"Jennifer...always happy to be able and look someone in the eye around here. Seems everyone always towers over the women folk." She giggled and gave Tig a hug as well. "You can call me Mother, everyone else around here does." She took her hand and and put it on her husbands arm, "The boy said her name was Jennifer, Papa."

The older man smiled, "That's an excellent name."

"Grandma Stonebreaker's name was Jennifer." Tig said as his parents ushered me onto their porch. "She was a wonderful woman."

"Her given name was Jennifer but folks around that knew her called her Jenny." His father continued as he directed Tig and I to the porch swing. "Did you kids have breakfast yet?"

"We're okay, Papa. We stopped in Menomonie for breakfast." Tig answered as he sat beside me, his arm resting along the length of the hand carved swing.

The seat of the swing was almost too high, I could tell that it was set so the bigger men of this family could set comfortably. I had dangled my feet but they barely touched the surface of the porch, I ended up tucking them beside me on the seat and leaned into Tig with my hand on his muscular arm.

A strange groan, sounding like a rusty spring being stretched caused all of us to look up, Tig's mother was backing out of the kitchen with a tray full of lemonade in glasses. After we each took one she balanced the tray on the porch rail and smiled. "Jen, you're doing the exact same thing I have to do when I sit on that swing...one of the perils of being short."

I smiled, and took a sip of the very tart drink. His father slapped Tig on the knee and startled me, "So, you going to give" Jennifer the grand tour?"

"I suppose so..when she's rested up a bit." He spoke, gently rocking us by straightening his legs and bending them.

"I'm plenty rested." I replied, "That's all I've been doing since Chicago."

He smiled and quickly downed his drink, "Well, if you insist." He sat his glass on the rail and helped me to my feet. I tried to drink it down but the lemonade was just too tart, I was about to sit it down but Tig took it from me and finished what was left.

"Thirsty?" I laughed.

"Only when I'm nervous." He replied softly as he set down the glass.

"Give her the grand treatment, take the Green Meany." His father said snickering.

"Green Meany?" I asked as I was being ushered down the steps.

"Papa's restored John Deere." He and I walked through the barnyard toward a pristine white building, as Tig swung the doors aside, I could just make out the front of an antique tractor. As the sunlight bathed the inside of the building, Tig made a singing sound like an Angel's chorus.

"I love the yellow wheels. They're pretty!" I said as he ushered me to the side and out of the way.

"Okay, break on, out of gear." He worked the shifter, "Choke on, set to run position." I watched as he grabbed a huge wheel on it's side and gave it a quick turn. The movement brought the old tractor to life, but only for a moment. "This one will do it."

Again he gave the thick wheel a quick spin and it began popping at first, the little rain flap on the muffler began to bounce. He quickly climbed onto the seat and began adjusting things as it began to run smoother, I stepped out into the yard and shielded my eyes from the sun.

"Here, honey..you may need these." I thanked his father as he handed me two baseball hats, one had a logo for John Deere, the other a seed company. I put the seed company on my head and as Tig pulled outside the building where I waited until he stopped.

Tig patted the fender beside him and his father helped me climb up. I pushed the hat down on Tig's head and giggled because it was the first time I saw him wear a hat other than his football helmet.

"How's the gas?" He shouted to his father as he stepped back, away from the tractor. He never replied verbally, just gave us a thumbs up. He smiled and looked at me, "I guess we'll take that as a yes then."

"You can put your feet here and here," He said as he pointed. I did as he requested, my left hand gripping the fender I was seated upon. Tig pushed a lever and the engine began to race faster, "Excited?"

***

Excited, I had been terrified! I had never expected my relationship with Tig to be much more than friends, somehow though, I sensed that it was
evolving right before my eyes! I knew it could someday come to this if I kept dabbling with that damn necklace, but for once in my life I was
truly having fun and actually being accepted, albeit as my female self and not as I had been born.

I meandered down the trail that I had been following and as I neared a small retention pond for the addition that my father and I lived in, I stopped and sat down upon a small bench that overlooked the water.

I dropped my book bag to the grass and sat there, with my elbows on my knees. "Damn you Tig for putting me in this predicament with your stupid question!" I sulked and kicked at my bag with the toe of my shoe. "You had no right to ask me what you did!" I growled, slapping the seat of the bench.

***

My mind returned to that day we were riding on the tractor, he smiled handsomely as he slowly began to exit down the lane from his parents barnyard. His father watching on, and me grinning like a fool.

"Should I take that as a yes?" He said with a laugh, his voice carrying over the 'put-put' of the tractor. As I was just about to answer him, he pushed open the throttle and the ancient tractor jumped to life and began to roll quickly... well, as quickly as a mid 1940's John Deere could.

I became enthralled with the farm, far out into the distance there were cows dotting the field. Beyond them lay acre after acre of Corn almost dried and ready to harvest. We rolled slowly over a little bridge and he stopped on the other side, and turned down the throttle so I could hear him talk.

"That field over there, with the drying sunflowers is my field" He pointed, and as I followed his finger he continued. "My folks gave 40 acres to me to do with as I want."

"Sunflowers?" I asked, looking out at the sea of yellow drying flowers. "Why Sunflowers?"

He shrugged and smiled, "I like em is all, it may be hard to believe but they're a pretty good seller." He sat up and flexed his back, trying to get more comfortable in the tractor seat. Subconsciously, I began to rub the small of his back with the heel of my hand. "I think they are real pretty when the flowers bloom. Each one of them follow the sun across the sky each and every day...it's a sight you have got to see sometime."

"Sounds pretty cool." I replied as I caught a wayward lock of hair and pushed it behind my ear.

"It's very cool." He gave the throttle a slight push, released the clutch and we began to slowly roll, but he kept it low so we could talk. "It's where I plan on building my house someday, after I get married."

"First thing you have to do is find the right girl." I laughed, teasing him.

He smiled and guided the tractor to a small meadow near the river's edge, there he shut it off and climbed down. His huge hands encircled my waist and he lowered me to the ground in front of him. "You know, what you said about finding the right girl..."

My stomach lurched, I could feel my knees weaken. "Y..Yeah..." I stammered.

"I think I may have found her." He slowly leaned his head downward, and lifting my chin, kissed me deeply on my lips.

Closing my eyes to the inevitable, I could feel my knees about to go. He caught me as I felt my body began to fall, scooping me into his powerful arms he carried me as if I were nothing more than a baby, to a nearby tree and sat me in the brightly colored leaves that had already began to collect there.

"You okay?" He asked with concern.

"I'll be fine, I think." I replied, and struggled to set up. Tig assisted me into a sitting position against the tree, all the while he kept his eyes focused on mine, looking for a sign that I may have been concealing the reason I almost fainted.

"You just rest here until you feel okay enough to stand." He held my hand and smiled.

"Thanks Tig, but I'll be alright." I smiled and drew my knees up into my chest and watched a leaf float past, carried down the little creek's current. "It sure is a pretty spot, Tig."

"My favorite in all the world." He grinned and knelt in the leaves beside me, "You just being here has made it all the better!" In the deafening silence that followed, I watched him slowly raise his hand up, in it he held a small box.

Fear caught in my throat, I could feel my lip quivering. I turned away, knowing that I had gone too far with my ruse. I was determined to put a stop to Tig before we would both do something that we would regret. I realized once and for all that I had to return to Jeffrey and put Jennifer behind me forever!

"Jennifer, will you marry me?" He smiled broadly as he opened the lid to reveal the glimmering diamond that was perched upon the golden band.

I struggled to my feet, the smile he had on his face slowly disappeared. "Jen?"

I stammered like a frightened child, "I..I need time to think."

Tig slowly lowered the box and closed the lid, his face fell toward the carpet of leaves we were standing on. "I'll wait Jen, take all the time you need."

***

I shook off that memory, upset at myself for tearing such a decent man's heart asunder. Tig kept his distance, trying to fulfill his word and give me the time he hoped I would need. I felt as though my life was confusing enough after what my own mother had done, but now..somehow I have added to the mess!

I stared into the water for a long time. Angry or allowing myself to fall in love with Tig. Angry at Tig for making it too damn easy. I wiped my tears and slowly made my way toward the pond. Blame swept through my mind, blame for allowing this to go so far, after I had thought I had broken the hold my mother once had.

I had contorted my own body into a shape that was a lie, how could I continue to hurt this kind and gentle giant of a man. That day in Wisconsin, I had determined that as soon as I had returned home, I would change back into the male I once was, and toss that damnable thing into the pond.

Finally, here I stood at the water's edge, eyes filled with tears. I pulled the necklace from the pocket of my jeans, hefting the weight of it in my hand and closed my fist into a ball. With a heart-wrenching sob, I let it fly. My momentum continuing forward until I was upon the ground. There I lay at the edge of the water upon the soft grass, my body wracked with sobs.

Movement on the trail behind me caused me to raise my head, "Jeff? Are you okay?"

I sat up and quickly wiped my tears. "I..I uh...rolled my ankle walking down to the pond."

I quickly rubbed my ankle where I imagined pain would be, as carefully my father helped me to my feet. "Here son, set on the bench until you can put some weight on it."

I sat there and slowly rotated my foot, trying to look as though I was attempting to loosen the ankle. "I'll be okay, it seems to only have been a minor sprain."

"Wouldn't have thought that, by the way you were carrying on when I was coming up here to find you!" He rubbed his neck and looked at how the sun was dappling the leaves on the ground. "Care to talk about the real reason you've been carrying on?"

I looked at him quickly, "Real reason?"

He nodded, then tilted his head and looked me squarely in the eyes. "Since last fall, you have been acting about half nuts around the house. It wouldn't take a rocket scientist to figure something was up."

"I'm sorry." I tried to sound innocent but he was reading me like a book.

"You've been using that necklace, haven't you?" He turned his face toward the sun and looked into the trees waiting for me to come clean. "How long have you been dabbling?"

I slowly dropped my head and looked down, "Since October." I lied.

"Sure Jeff...October of a couple of years ago." He rubbed my back with his hand, "It's okay son, I understand."

"I just wanted to know how I would have looked if I would have grown up..as Jennifer." I blurted out as tears again began to cloud my vision.

"I'm sure you're beautiful in your female form..but I'm guessing you might have taken it all a bit too far?"

I nodded, pushing tears from my eyes. "Not the way you might be thinking. I..I fell in love."

He fished his handkerchief out and handed it to me, "He or she?"

"He..Tig, he asked me to marry him." I cried into his shoulder.

"Did you answer him?" he asked as he hugged me a little tighter. "I can see why you are out here...it's a good place to think."

He sighed and continued, "Jeff, look at me." He turned my head to face him. "Son or daughter, you are still the child I love deep down. If you're happy as a girl, so be it...be the best damn girl you can be!"

I looked at him incredulously, if he had only been here ten minutes sooner. I began to cry severely, burying my face in the kerchief he gave me. "There, there child. If you want to be a girl, honey...you have my blessing! I just want to see you happy! It doesn't matter what form you have!"

I cried harder, he hugged me and spoke softly. "I thought that would make you happy?"

"It would have papa, but I threw the necklace into the pond!" I cried.

"Maybe you have...then again, maybe you haven't." He replied and waited for me. I slowly lifted my head and gave him a curious look.

He pointed upward, I followed his finger toward the branches of the tree. There in a tangle, the necklace hung, dangling just overhead. "Come on kid, lets get you taken care of."

***

The day before our wedding, my father approached me and handed me an envelope.

"What's this?" I asked, taking it from him.

"Open it." He replied, taking a seat on the couch.

"It's a birth certificate." I looked from it to him, "My old birth certificate?"

"It's Jennifer's...your mother had it made long ago when you had been changed the first time." He pointed to the name listed on the front, "She had a letter notarized that said the wrong name had been on your old certificate. I don't know how she pulled it off, but..it looks as though you've been Jennifer all along."

I studied the name on the front for several long seconds, "I know I should still hate her for what she had done...but if she hadn't, I never would have met Tig."

"She was sick, honey...but she meant well." He pulled me close and kissed my forehead. "You all set for tomorrow?"

I nodded and smiled, "Tomorrow, next week, next month..the rest of my life!" Slowly standing, I kissed my father on his cheek,? "I love you daddy!", and then set the envelope on the end table.

"I love you too honey." His eyes glassed over with tears as he sat smiling, almost drinking up this day as a fleeting much cherished memory.

I walked from the house and into our back yard, Tig was seated at our picnic table. He was watching me approach with a huge smile on his face. "God you're beautiful, like an angel to my eyes!"

I sat down beside him and wrapped both my arms around one of his, "I'm only an angel for you, Tig...only for you!" He kissed me, our reflection was in the window of the house. Once again I thought of the girl in the mirror and realized, she was no longer alone. Not now, not ever! She smiled back at me, the sparkling diamond on her finger proved that true.