Sara Collins had finally come to terms with the changes that occurred to her on her eighteenth birthday and built a comfortable life for her and her son but seeing the twin sister of the woman who turned her world upside down brought on an onslaught of painful memories.
Her life changes drastically afterwards but through the joy and the pain she sees the chance at a life renewed.
This story takes place within my Goddess Realm

This is the first part of a new storyline taking place within my Goddess Realm. It is not necessary to read Saved by a Goddess or Saved By a Goddess: Gifts to enjoy this story but admittedly it does help and is recommended.

Thank You LorasPa6 for your wonderful help editing and being there to bounce ideas off of.

Chapter One

"This is why you moved home." I reassured myself as I paused just outside the large ornate wooden and glass door.

My lunch meeting was at Union Junction inside Market Station with Kevin Snider, CEO of Axis Music Group. Axis was a small but growing record label, they had a limited but very talented stable of artists and many industry insiders say it is at the precipice of greatness.

Originally an old train depot, Market Station had been repurposed into a hotel and restaurant. It was gorgeous with arched 22-foot ceilings lined with exquisite crystal chandeliers and detailed walnut paneling. A large stone fireplace rested in one corner with large leather couches on either side that begged for intimate conversations. It was rather elegant and would be such a romantic destination for a date but it felt a bit odd for a business luncheon.

It would be my job to convince Mr. Snider that our ad agency had the ability to take his record label to the next level. I didn't feel that nervous as I possessed confidence in our company and having started at the bottom, I carried an understanding that allowed me to assure potential clients of our abilities as well as the knowledge to put any questions they may have to rest with relative ease.

From what I discovered through mutual business contacts, Kevin was a very hands-on and unconventional leader who started his company from a studio he built in his garage. Almost everyone I talked to told me that, contrary to his youthful appearance, he would not be easily swayed and was a very shrewd businessman.

After being seated at a table in the center of the room I informed the waiter that I would prefer to wait until my party arrived before making any orders.

I recognized him as soon as he walked through the doors. He was younger and far more laid back with his appearance than any of my other clients. He strolled in with an easy confidence and the physique of a man who enjoyed running. Although you'd never tell from his looks, he was thirty-three years old. After seeing him in person I believed my sources lied, he easily appeared twenty-five.

He possessed a boyish quality in his hazel eyes that were partially hidden by stylish black-framed glasses. His light auburn hair rested just below his collar and he kept it in the unkempt manner that had become popular. He conveyed a comfortable attractiveness in his distressed gray Mickey Mouse tee shirt, blue sports coat and black jeans. I laughed to myself when I noticed he wore black Chuck Taylor high tops instead of the cowboy boots so many men in this area prefer.

Everything I saw about him conflicted with a man who exhibited enough drive to own his own successful business. Kevin Snider was definitely the type of man my mind attempted to be attracted to these days.

Well… he would be if I allowed myself to be attracted to men… which I would not.

Never again.

I hoped he had a pleasant personality but if not, there were much worse things to do over lunch than to have to look across the table at him.

I noticed my reflection in one of the many mirrors lining the walls. It really hit me how his casual appearance was in stark contrast to my professional look. I smoothed my black knee length skirt and lightly tugged on the pink silk blouse I wore beneath the jacket that matched my skirt. I discreetly checked that my hair was still pulled properly into a chignon bun and my minimal makeup was unblemished. I quickly glanced around the room. My attire was in line with most of the patrons but compared to Kevin, I was definitely overdressed.

I rose as he arrived at our table and greeted him confidently. "Hello Mr. Snider, very nice to meet you. I’m Sara Collins thank you for taking the time to meet with me."

I quickly noticed that in one inch-inch flats he was at least two inches shorter which put him at about five foot eleven.

"Mrs. Collins, it’s a pleasure." He nodded as his eyes locked onto mine and his fingertips gently embraced my hand.

I inwardly cringed at the often mistaken assumption that I was married. Marriage is fine for other people, just not me. "Actually it's Miss Collins but please call me Sara."

He did not even try to hide his pleasure with my words and his eyes drifted the length of my body. "In that case Sara, please call me Kevin."

I couldn’t help but to blush under his scrutiny. "Thank you Kevin."

With the pleasantries out of the way we settled into our chairs and a calm businesslike demeanor enveloped him as we started discussing business. My sources were correct when they warned me that he was a shrewd business man who did his homework. His knowledge of what he required of our company was so detailed that I wondered, more than once, why he needed our services in the first place. About midway through our meal an associate of Kevin's interrupted us.

I had to do a double take when I saw him. Damn, I had no idea such men actually existed. This man was gorgeous. Truth be told, calling this man gorgeous would be an insult since he was so much more than simply gorgeous.

Standing in front of me wearing an untucked black cotton western shirt and black jeans that were tight in all the right places was lean, mean and muscular manliness piled at least six foot five inches high. He appeared to be about the same age as Kevin, maybe younger.

His long sleeves pushed past his elbows, accented a sculpted upper body and dark tan skin tone. His beautiful facial features told me there had to be a large amount of Native American in his family tree. He possessed long straight black hair and had the warmest brown eyes surrounded by the longest lashes I had ever seen on a man.

I was mesmerized and regretting the vow of celibacy I had taken soon after my son's birth.

The sexy man that filled my vision looked like bad news served up in a delicious package. I gasped sharply and it took everything I had within me to maintain a professional demeanor as I gazed upon this dark God before me.

A very attractive bleached blonde with a rather pale complexion who rivaled my six foot height accompanied him. She had crystal blue eyes set above high cheekbones and possessed full lips that, as my uncle would say, could suck the chrome off a 57 Chevy. Her build was more athletic than my curvier fame. She could easily be a model and definitely dressed to impress in a short black dress that hugged every curve and she completed her look with four-inch heels. I felt more than a tinge of jealousy creep within as I looked at her.

I remember when I used to look like that.

Kevin looked up, he seemed surprised by the interruption. "Hey Zeus, how ya been?"

Oh so this epitome of manliness has a name and that name is Zeus.

The name fit him like a glove.

"I’m good, it’s been awhile. How about you?"

"Good man, real good."

Zeus glanced over at me with a glorious smile. "Who is your friend?"

Kevin's expression fluttered with annoyance only long enough for me to think he either didn't want to introduce me or he did not feel I was worthy of an introduction. Before I had a chance to allow it to bother me his smile returned. "Oh where are my manners? Zeus, allow me to introduce Miss Sara Collins."

I found it difficult to remain professional in his proximity but I believed I succeeded as I extended my hand. "Very nice to meet you Zeus."

I felt a stirring in a place that had not stirred in quite some time as our hands touched. My pupils dilated as I looked into his commanding bedroom eyes.

The smile he gave me would make a nun forgo her vows and his deep voice rumbled deep into my never regions. "Please call me Adam. My name is Adam Carson. Zeus is a nickname that unfortunately stuck,"

Yep, that name fits too because "Ah Damn" was what I thought as soon as I saw him.

Kevin began to laugh. "Oh come on man you used to like the name, claiming it fit a sex god like you."

The blonde on Adam’s arm shot him a look as if the verify his status as a supernatural sexual being.

I realized I was staring so I quickly looked away from Adam and felt my cheeks begin to warm.

Why am I blushing? I never blush! Oh man, this can't be good. Okay mind, time to take control cause body can't be trusted.

I politely endeavored to include the young woman into our conversation to allow myself a momentary distraction from her companion. "Hello, I'm Sara."

I wanted to laugh after it became painfully obvious that she was not used to female attention when she was with Adam. She jumped slightly and nodded awkwardly. I continued to stare at her until she remembered she was expected to speak. "Oh sorry, nice to meet you. I'm Britney."

I turned my attention back to Adam who shifted uncomfortably in place. It seemed he was rather ill at ease and eager to end the conversation. "That was a long time ago man, anyways it’s always good to see you. We finally opened the club last week, you should swing by one night."

He casually glanced back in my direction in manner that, if not for the fact his very essence oozed self confidence, would appear shy. I knew from experience that for men like him, shyness was definitely not an issue he dealt with so there had to be another reason.

Had he forgotten I was sitting here?

My lips settled into a grim line as the thought entered my mind and he offered his hand. "Take care and it was a true pleasure to meet you Ms. Collins."

Even though I knew he was out of my league and so not my type anymore, I secretly pouted at the perceived slight. How could he not feel the connection?

I know how. Just look at the young leggy blonde with him. Well, he's not my type either…

At least not anymore.

I accepted his hand in mine and the stirrings began anew. "Oh please, call me Sara. Don’t worry Adam, I know all about unwanted nicknames." I started to ramble and stopped quickly with an inward groan. "The pleasure is mine."

Adam stared at me for a moment without releasing my hand. It felt as if he were searching for something, his scrutiny was uncomfortable but seeing how this was my only chance to be so near perfection and I could not turn away.

His hand closed a little tighter and he leaned a little closer as he spoke. "Have we met before Sara?"

His question as well as his proximity caught me off guard. "Not that I'm aware of. I don't think the world could handle two of me so it's a good thing I'm an only child." I felt myself rambling again. "Why do you ask?"

What is wrong with me? Mind, you are slipping on your job.

Adam continued to stare. "I used to know another girl with the same build, same general features and she has the same exquisite eyes only hers are blue."

I pursed my lips. My eyes are unique, I always considered them my best feature. Truth be told, my large deep set electric blue eyes were the only part of me I truly liked about myself but they were also why I wore brown colored contacts. I stood out enough as it was.

I started to flush under his gaze as I shook my head. "I don't know, I have my father's eyes and I don't have any girl cousins on his side of the family that I know of."

Adam smiled briefly before he released my hand "Sorry, you remind of someone. You sure we haven't met before?"

My eyes scanned him from head to toe. I have no doubt that I would have remembered him. This conversation started to feel like it should be taking place in a bar instead of a fancy restaurant.

I stilled my overactive pheromones to resume my businesslike demeanor before I stared into his tempting pools. "Sorry, I think had we met it wouldn't be something I could easily forget."

Where did that come from?

I felt myself flush again as Adam nodded his head as if he weren't so sure. "it could have happened in another life I guess."

I was about to ask what he meant until a couple of women walking up caught his eye.

One was a very attractive, rather petite red haired women with the most exquisite eyes I had ever seen. I do not know how to describe them other than to say they looked like someone captured two rainbows and placed one behind each of her eyelids.

I had never coveted another woman's looks before but I found myself wishing I could be half as beautiful.

Something about the woman's friend seemed familiar. I studied her dark brown hair and tan skin trying to remember where I knew her from. I mean, there can't be that many women that rivaled my six foot one inch height. We were like in a secret club and usually remembered each other the next time we met.

An anger I thought I had let go of long ago resurfaced as I looked into her lavender color eyes.

It was the day of my eighteenth birthday…

Chapter Two

"You know Mom, if you… Oh I don't know… Actually got a job, you would not have to call me with these harassing phone calls every month." I said angrily into the phone.

"Sean Lawrence Collins, how dare you say that to me! As my only son, it is up to you to take care of your disabled mother." She screeched in my ear.

I held the phone away from my face as I mumbled. "I didn't realize being an alcoholic slut was a disability."

"What did you say?" Mama said angrily. "All it would take is one call to the police and I can report you as a runaway. I bet your mouth wouldn't be as smart if you were standing in front of me."

I sighed at her tired warning, especially now that I had reached the age it would no longer work. She always threatened to call the authorities and let them know I was living in Los Angeles using a false ID. She claimed many times she was going to report me as a runaway because I moved away when I was only sixteen but we both knew her threats were hollow. She was glad to have me out of her hair and so long as I sent her a few hundred dollars a month to buy her liquor, she was content as someone like my mother could be.

I decided it was best to let it go rather than continue the pointless argument. "I'm sorry Mama, I'm broke right now but I'll wire you some money at the end of the week as soon as I get paid. Happy now?"

"If that's the best you can do then I guess I have no choice. I reckon I'll let you get back to doing nothing." Mama said before hanging up without even waiting for me to reply.

"Thank you for wishing me a happy birthday. I love you too." I said to the silence on the other end of the receiver before I placed it back into the cradle.

"I don't have to guess who that was Brah." My roommate Matt said as he walked in the room hugging a cup of coffee.

Matt and I met within a week of me moving to L.A. when I walked by him playing his guitar on a street corner. I started up a conversation and a fast friendship formed. I found out he was bouncing from house to house so I offered him the couch in my rundown apartment.

Matt was a great guy but always tried to hide behind different personalities. When we met, he pretended to be Australian a few months later he started talking in an English accent. Lately, he had been trying to sound like a surfer.

He was slightly taller than me at six foot three with long dark unkempt hair, chocolate brown eyes and a perpetual tan that, to my dismay, stood in contrast to my porcelain complexion. Matt could tan at the thought of the sun whereas I would develop second degree burns after an hour outside without sunscreen.

He had the looks and personality to get any girl he wanted but more times than not, he left the club alone. He claimed he was choosy instead of living by my golden rule of…If they were willing then I was able.

I was okay with his apparent lack of interest because the more women he turned away, the greater my chances.

I glared at him as I walked to the refrigerator and retrieved a can of Mountain Dew. "Nope, that was my Mommy Dearest. I'm so sick of hearing how it's my duty as a son to take care of her when she never took care of me."

Matt looked at me sympathetically and spoke with his attempt at a laid back California accent, I wanted to laugh when he did it because I knew he had been born and raised in Oklahoma.

"Sorry Brah, I wish I knew what to say. When is your old man's parole hearing? Maybe he can take care of her once he gets out."

I shuddered again thinking of my father. My entire life he always acted as a buffer between me and Mama.

He was a good man who made a bad decision.

Dad had always been the stability in my life. He was the one who gave me my love of music and also taught me all he knew about motorcycles, which was alot. I had happy childhood until the night he accidently killed a man in a bar fight after he found the man in the back room of a bar he worked at as a bouncer making out with my mother.

That happened a week after I turned thirteen and life went downhill after that. With him gone, Mom went off the deep end and tried to bring me with her. She often went on drunken rants, hitting me with whatever she could get her hands on while telling me I ruined her life and everything was perfect until I came along.

I crossed my fingers on both hands and held them in front of me. "Dad's parole hearing is in two weeks. I pray he gets out."

Matt smiled and nodded. "I hope he does too, I never met the man but he doesn't sound like he deserves to be there."

I poured four aspirin from the bottle as I shook my head. "No he doesn't." The quick movement made me wince. "Why did you let me drink so much last night?"

Matt laughed. "I tried to stop you but after your fight with Tiffany, you were on a mission."

I grimaced thinking of my now ex-girlfriend as I swallowed the painkillers. "What a bitch." I glanced at the clock to notice I was cutting it close on time before I had to be at my modeling shoot. "Any idea where my car is?"

Matt laughed. "Right where you parked it last night. You refused to drive and decided the rest of us were too drunk too."

I nodded as I walked to the bathroom for a quick shower. "Oh yeah, I remember now."

"By the way, Happy Birthday Brah. We're going to get you even drunker tonight since you're finally an adult." Matt called out to me.

"I don't know about that Brah." I relied in a tone mocking his attempted accent. "Dude, I'm telling you this as a friend, stop talking like that. Just be yourself."

---

With my long blonde hair still wet, I went to retrieve my car from the parking lot where I left it. I might have been young and definitely wild but I was not stupid. L.A. was hard enough to drive in when you're sober, I was not about to try it when I could barely walk.

I panicked when I walked to where my cherry red nineteen eighty-five Pontiac Fiero should have been, only to find it was gone.

I noticed a street vendor setting up on the sidewalk next to where I had been parked. "Excuse me, you did not happen to see a red Fiero when you arrived this morning?"

The man nodded. "Yeah, the owner of the lot had it towed away about an hour ago."

"Damn." I muttered under my breath before I started to walk away. "Thanks."

The vendor laughed lightly. "Your girlfriend is going to be pissed that you didn't take care of her car."

I paused and looked back at him angrily. "What's that supposed to mean? That's my car."

He laughed even harder. "Let me give you some advice son, let the city keep it and get a real man's automobile. Fieros are a chick car if there ever was one."

I glared at the man. My father bought that car before he went to jail in the hopes that we could fix it up together. I ended up doing the work myself along with bartering with a couple of his friends after he got locked up. I traded working on their bikes for them doing the major mechanical work or painting on my car.

My Fiero and I had a connection he could never understand. That car was my freedom when I had none, it was my escape when I needed to get away to think.

"Whatever." I replied as I turned to make my way to the bus stop.

By the time I caught a bus, I ended up with barely enough time to grab a sandwich and get to my modeling shoot on time.

I cursed my luck and regretted ever getting out of bed when I walked in the studio and saw who I would be working with.

"Hello Regina." I said almost bitterly when her eyes made contact with mine.

All I received in return was the slightest head nod. In her mind, I was not worth the extra effort.

"Bitch." I muttered to myself as I started walking across the open room filled with the latest style clothes sent in from various designers hoping to have their wares displayed in whatever magazine bought the photos.

Regina Van Burke was gorgeous, almost the perfect height at five foot nine with long brown hair and clear blue eyes. The fact she had the body of most men's dreams allowed her to bend them to her will with a wink of her beautiful eyes.

"Don't forget we are supposed to be onstage at seven tonight." I said to Regina as I took a seat in the makeup chair next to her.

She rolled her eyes and sighed. "I know, you don't have to remind me every time you see me."

Actually I did. Regina was an excellent singer but tended to be a temperamental artist, with an emphasis on the mental part.

Some days she would show up early and be a joy to work with, but other days, she would show up whenever she felt like it and act like she was doing everyone a huge favor by being there. Her erratic behavior had cost our band a few gigs and I would have kicked her crazy ass out of the band months ago but she had had the other guys eating from her perfectly manicured hands.

The reason I did not really like her was simple, she was a bitch. A complete diva who thought the world revolved around her and owed her a favor.

I figured that out long before the other guys asked her to join the band. I knew how she was because I had to work with her on modeling shoots like the one we were about to do.

I rolled my eyes as I took the wrapper off my sandwich. "Whatever, just don't be late this time."

"That's just mean Sean, how can you eat that in front of me?" Regina scolded as she waited for Polina, the makeup artist our agency preferred, to start preparing her for our photo shoot.

I never understood why Polina did not model herself because she was breathtaking. She was the same height as me which made her about six foot one, with long dark brown hair, golden skin and the most amazing eyes I had ever seen. I asked her once why she stayed behind the camera and she laughed off my question saying she was better at making other people beautiful.

I took another bite of my meatball sub before I looked at Regina. "What? I'm hungry?"

"Uhg." She sighed with mild disgust. "At least swallow your food before you speak."

Regina watched me take another large mouthful and shook her head. "Must be nice to be able to eat like that without having to worry about gaining weight. I have to watch every single calorie."

Polina rolled her violet colored eyes. "Not this again."

I could not fault her reaction. Regina always had a chip on her shoulder about how much better men had it than women. Every time she started one of her rants I would egg her on with snide comments or pointing out where women clearly possessed the advantage.

I would never admit it to Regina but she had a point. No matter how much I ate I always managed to keep my lean build. I was lucky in that regard. I was lucky in many ways actually. I had always been considered good looking with my blonde hair that I had let grow out to shoulder length and electric blue eyes. I also happened to be on the tall side, which also helped in the looks department.

My looks are what saved me from living with an alcoholic mother who cared more about her next drink than she did her only child.

A modeling agent saw me one day at a mall in the small Nashville suburb I grew up in and asked me if I would be interested in working with her. I figured…pretty lady, job offer, why not? I lied and told her I was eighteen, she didn't question it because of my size and before my head had a chance to catch up to what was going on, I found myself in a small, rundown apartment in L.A.

I enjoyed my life overall now. My passion is music and there are plenty of clubs where I can play until I make it big one day but for the time being, I am able to use modeling, as well as a part-time job working on motorcycles, to support my fledging music career.

I smiled at Regina as I swallowed. "You don't hear me complaining."

She started to glare at me. "God, guys have it so easy. You can eat whatever you want, You can roll out of bed, throw a brush through your hair and your good to go. Plus you can get away with anything."

I laughed, partly at her audacity but mostly to piss her off. "You're kidding right? Women have it easier than men. You're the one who can get away with anything. All you have to do is flash your baby blues and every man around you bends to your will. You never have to pay for a drink at the club, you make almost twice as much as me on the modeling gigs and let me tell you, it takes a lot of work to get my hair like this."

It was Regina's turn to roll her eyes. "You must be gay or something if you spend more time on your hair than I do. It's the nineties now, metal is dead. Get a haircut. For the record, every drink bought for me comes with the expectation of something more and modeling is about the only profession where women make more than men."

"Yeah right." I replied. "Men don't expect anything, we might hope for the opportunity but we don't expect a woman to drop their panties simply because we buy a drink. If men do make more it's because when we become involved with a woman it is expected we pay for everything. Women have the power because they can say no, I can't think of a single man outside of myself who would say no to you once you turn on your charms."

Knowing Regina like I did, I was glad Polina was working on her because if not, something would be flying towards my head. I could see the anger and hatred in her eyes as she glared at me. "Fucking idiot. You are such a country bumpkin with no clue how the real world works. I wish you could spend one day as a woman Sean Collins and I bet you would see it's not as easy as it looks."

I shoved the last of my meatball sub in my mouth to taunt the woman who had been a bane to my very existence ever since I moved to Los Angeles. "I'd do a damn sight better than you. It might be nice to have nobody depending on me and the lower insurance rates would be great too. I think I could handle not having to worry about everything as much."

Regina started laughing. "You wish it was that easy. You wouldn't last a week as a woman."

I rolled my eyes. "Shit bitch, you wouldn't last a day as man. Someone would kick your ass for acting like a arrogant douche."

Polina's eye's narrowed as she glared at the two of us bickering. She grabbed both of our hands simultaneous. "I've heard this argument for the last time. It is time to teach both of you a lesson."

---

I slowly opened my eyes wondering where I was and what had happened. Slowly the fog lifted as I looked around. I noticed I was at the studio and remembered I had been arguing with Regina.

I looked toward her and jumped when she was no longer there. In her place was a man who could pass as her brother and she was staring at me with a magnificent smile. I marveled at how attractive he was with his long dark hair and ocean blue eyes I could set sail in for days.

I swallowed hard at the fact I found a man undeniably attractive.

I was still trying to figure out what was going on when the gorgeous man, I suddenly remembered being named Reginald, spoke. "Happy Rebirthday. Look in the mirror Bumpkin."

My eyes cut to what could not possibly be my reflection. I ended up sprawled across the floor after rising from my seat quickly and losing my balance trying to get away from what I saw.

"What the hell?" I shrieked.

Reginald laughed. "It looks like we got our wish."

I slowly got to my feet and moved back to the mirror. Staring back at me was an absolutely gorgeous woman who could have easily passed as my twin sister. She was obviously very tall and still had my crystal blue eyes as well as my high cheek bones and blonde hair.

The similarities stopped there though because the woman in the mirror possessed full lips, long dark lashes and a body to die for.

I cautiously ran my hands down my body over my new curves and ran to the restroom to see if everything had changed.

As soon as the door closed behind me I lifted my tee shirt to two large breasts encased in a white padded underwire bra.

"How the…" I asked aloud trying to understand why I was wearing female underwear in addition to the obvious.

I frantically tried to drop my pants but they were so tight it took some wiggling on my part to get the denim past my new hips. I wanted to scream when I saw the white silk panties hugging a very flat area between my legs.

"Isn't it great Bumpkin?" Reginald said from behind me.

I tried to quickly pull up my jeans as I glared at him. "What are you doing in here? Get out!"

He laughed. "Hey, I am right where I am supposed to be. This is the men's room."

My eyes pled with him as I spoke. "Can I have a moment Reginald?"

His blue eyes narrowed and he started to raise his hand toward me. "Nobody calls me that. My name is Razor now."

I wanted to give him a smart ass remark but did not feel like fighting at the moment. "I'm sorry Razor. May I please have a moment? Obviously you are happy with what has happened but I'm slightly freaked out."

In a rare show of compassion the man who only a short time ago was Regina nodded his head as he walked from the room.

As soon as the door closed my hand went between my legs. Even though the region was covered in silk and denim, I could still feel an odd sensation as I cupped the area where my member should have been. My free hand grabbed my right breast and once again odd sensations ran throughout my body.

"This can't be happening to me. What was in that sandwich?" I asked myself as I stared at the stunning blonde Amazon beauty feeling herself up in the mirror.

I slowly redressed and gathered my composure enough to walk back out to the studio. When I reached the open area, I saw Razor talking to Polina with a wide smile on his face.

"Wow Sara, you look even better than I thought you would. I'm quite proud of myself." Polina said with a smile after turning to see me.

My brows furrowed as I stared at the woman. "What do you mean you're proud of yourself? Are you saying you did this?"

I continued to intently look at her but it was odd because I was no longer consumed with desire at the sight of her. I no longer went weak in the knees at the sound of her deep European accent. If anything I felt a tinge of jealousy that she was so perfect.

Polina nodded proudly. "I was tired of listening to you two bicker all the time so when the two of you started talking about changing places I thought it was a wonderful idea."

She motioned to the chairs. "Take a seat and I will explain the rules. First, all aspects of your life have changed. I could have simply done a straight up switch of your bodies but I have always wondered what you would look like as a girl Sara. This way will be easier for both of you since it will allow your friends and family to remain the same except their memories are of the way you are now. Your total identity has changed. Your mindset, preferences and body language have been rewired to better allow you to understand what it is like the be the opposite sex without the burden of having to relearn the rules society places on people from birth."

I sat in stunned silence listening to her. I don't think it had quite set in that everything was real. I was still convinced I would soon awaken from the craziest dream I had ever had.

"That means…" Polina continued, oblivious to the inner turmoil I was feeling at the moment. "Both of you will find yourself acting in a manner that does not quite match with what you consider your normal behavior. The reason that will occur is because you will now act in the exact manner you would have if you had been raised as the gender you are now. As you become accustomed to the new you, your actions will not be so automatic."

Inwardly I wanted so badly to jump from my seat and wrap my newly feminine fingers around Polina's long, elegant neck. Instead I found myself sitting quietly while my anger seethed.

I glanced at Razor and noticed him leaning back smugly. I swiftly came to the conclusion that I thought as little of him as a guy as I did when he was Regina.

Polina snapped her fingers in my face to direct my attention solely back on her. "You can only speak of your changes with each other. If you try to talk about it to anyone else, what they will hear will be a deep confession you never wanted anyone to know."

"Is this permanent?" I asked when there was a pause in her speech.

Polina smiled. "That depends on both of you. When you Sara…" She cut her lavender eyes at Razor. "And you Reggie can equally come to the conclusion that both sexes have it rough then I will change you back, but until that time…you get to learn how the other half lives."

Tears started to trickle down my cheeks. "Why are you doing this to me…I mean us?"

Polina showed no remorse as she grinned. "Because for the last three months all I have heard when you two are together is how lucky the other is. I figured I would allow you to see for yourself. I am granting you a rare gift. You should be thankful for allowing you an insight most never receive. It will make you a better person in the long run."

"I was only trying to tweak Regina." I implored in the hopes of getting her to change her mind. "I didn't seriously mean any of the things I said."

Polina pursed her lips as she stared at me. "Yes, you only said those things to annoy her but deep down you believed every word of it."

I sighed knowing she saw through my flimsy argument. "What if I learn my lesson and Razor doesn't?" I asked timidly.

Polina shook her head. "It doesn't work like that. It's both or nothing."

Razor smiled and started to stand. "I don't know why you are crying Bumpkin, you look better than I ever did." He turned to the dark haired devil in disguise. "Thank you Polina but I doubt you will need to change us back because I have the feeling I'm going to like it better like this."

Polina looked at him skeptically. "You say that now but keep in mind that I will hear you if you disagree with that sentiment."

Razor started to laugh. "Listen all you want sexy lady but you will never hear me complaining."

The statuesque demoness laughed at him. "You are a cocky one."

Razor grabbed the package between his legs. "Yes I am, thanks to you."

I rolled my eyes. "Giving you a dick didn't cause that. Your attitude hasn't changed that much if you ask me."

The back of a masculine hand across my cheek knocked me to the floor. "Shut the hell up. You better be glad you're cute because you are still a stupid country bumpkin."

Small flickers of flames danced from the ends on Polina's hair as she glared at Razor. "Reggie, never place your hands on her in my presence again or you will regret it."

He backed away quickly with fear in his eyes.

I was still on the floor cradling my cheek as Polina stooped beside me. "Let me help you."

She placed her hand over where I had been hit and suddenly it felt slightly warm as small tingles replaced the pain.

"Thank you." I meekly said as she helped me to my feet. "What did I do to make you hate me so much?"

For the first time, I saw compassion in Polina's eyes as she replied. "No child, I do not hate you in the least. In fact I see that you are capable of great things. I am only trying to provide you with an insight that will help you grow as a person. I hope that, in time, you will see that."

"I hope so too." I said under my breath.

"Now that we have established the rules I believe it is time to get back to work." Polina said with a smile.

Next thing I knew I was being led to a large rack of dresses while an assistant scolded me for still being in my street clothes. I wanted to explain to her what was going on but Polina's warning echoed in my mind so instead of screaming that five minutes ago I was a man, I kept my mouth shut and nodded apologetically.

I noticed Razor starting to walk out.

"Where are you going?" I asked before he reached the exit.

He turned to me and laughed. "I'm out of here. As you often told me, male models don't make shit so I'm not wasting my time. By the way, I won't be at the gig tonight either. I'll see you when I see you Bumpkin. Have a nice life."

I started to protest before Polina walked to my side. "Let him go. This may be the best way for him to learn his lesson."

I nodded. "I hope so."

Chapter Three

Adam greeting his friends interrupted my thoughts.

I continued to stare a hole through the brown haired Amazon demoness until she shifted uncomfortably and offered me her hand. "Hello, I am..."

I rolled my eyes and did not allow her to finish as I leaned forward so only the evil woman could hear me. "I know who you are Polina. I wish I could say it is nice to see you again after all these years."

The woman appeared troubled but I did not really care. She started to say something else but before she could reply I looked to Kevin as I rose from my seat, "If you will excuse me for a moment, nature calls."

He nodded and I turned to walk out of the restaurant as quickly as possible without attracting unwanted attention.

I had become so used to who I was now that I rarely thought of it anymore but seeing that awful woman brought it all back at once.

I barely made it to the restroom before years of pent up anguish flowed through my body while I thought more about the day immediately following what that awful woman had done to me...

---

After Razor walked out, the photographer decided, that with no male model and my not fitting his initial desire for a brunette model, to cancel the shoot.

I wanted to ask Polina more questions but she was nowhere to be found. I walked to the back of the building away from anyone and released an anguished cry over what had been done to me against my will.

After I realized crying was not accomplishing anything, I found myself walking toward the bus stop so I could pick up my car from the impound lot.

I caught a full glimpse of myself as I walked past a mirrored building. It amazed me how absolutely stunning I had become and how I strutted like I knew it. Inwardly I was freaking out beyond compare, yet on the outside I appeared cool, calm and collected.

As I waited on the bus to arrive, I could not help but notice how the women stared at me with no small amount of jealousy in their eyes while the men stared at me just as hard, if not harder, but seemed to lack the courage to talk to me. Not that I minded, they could look all they wanted so long as they did it from afar.

Once I stepped on the bus I fumbled for correct change, apologizing for holding up the line as I did so.

The gruff older looking driver smiled and dropped a few coins in the bucket for me. "It's not a problem Miss. You can take a seat, I took care of it for you."

I grinned earnestly as I placed my hand gently over his. "Thank you very much sir. I'll try to have correct change ready next time."

He nodded as his eyes roamed the length of my body. "I'm sure you will."

As I took an empty seat it suddenly dawned on me how I had just flirted with the man as a way of saying thank you. I looked at the small bag in my hand with amazement that I was not only carrying a purse, but all the contents I had been rummaging through were familiar to me.

Another one of the she-devil's tricks I supposed. I looked at the large mirror at the front corner of the bus. I could not get over seeing the blonde beauty sitting calmly like all was right with the world while in my mind , I was still crying my eyes out.

Twenty minutes later I thanked the driver again before I stepped off the bus and walked into the office of the impound lot.

It was a large open room with chairs in the center and small teller windows along the right hand wall. Luckily I was the only customer at the moment so I did not have to wait.

A friendly looking middle aged gentleman greeted me from an open window. "Yes young lady, how may I help you?"

I smiled and presented him all the necessary information. "Yes sir, I need to pick up my car please."

He gathered my paperwork and nodded as he started to type in the information.

"Where in the south are you from? You sound like my wife." The man asked.

"Middle Tennessee, a little north of Nashville." I replied.

"I thought so. That's a nice area." The man said to me. "I was stationed there when I was in the army. My wife is from Clarksville."

I smiled. "It's nice to meet someone with a connection to home. I don't meet many people who know of it."

He nodded. "Becky feels the same way. Maybe you two can meet and reminisce."

The thought of talking to someone who would not make fun of my accent gave me a rare moment of happiness on an otherwise horrible day. "I would like that very much." I reached into my purse and found a pen and some paper where I quickly wrote my name and number.

I momentarily stared at the name Sara Liberty Collins written in a feminine script by my hand with disbelief before I handed it to the man. "Please give this to your wife."

He looked at it and smiled. "I will be sure to do that Sara. I know she will be pleased. My name is Gary Trimble by the way."

I offered my now smaller hand through the tiny window. "Nice to meet you Mr. Trimble."

He shook his head. "Please call me Gary and it will be two hundred and fifty dollars."

I frowned and was almost able to cry in front of someone. "I don't have that much. Can I make payments?"

He shook his head sadly. "No, I'm sorry but you can't. Is there anybody that would loan you the money because the cost will increase each day because of storage fees."

Tiny droplets escaped my eyes because I knew I was screwed. Nobody cared enough about me to lend me a hand.

For a brief moment I was glad I was in a female body because the tears would have escaped regardless and at least now, it was not nearly as embarrassing.

I tried to do the right thing by not driving while I was drunk and this was the way karma paid me back. It was starting to feel like no matter how hard I tried to do the right thing, the harder I got knocked down.

I tried to smile as I placed the paperwork back in my purse. "No, there isn't anyone. Thank you, it was nice to meet you. Have a good day."

I turned to walk to the door when Gary yelled for me. "Sara wait. Let me see if there is anything I can do."

As Gary disappeared out a door in the back of the large open room I tried not to get my hopes up. It would be a huge relief if he could help me but from the moment I opened my eyes that morning, nothing had gone right.

A few moments later Gary reappeared with a wide smile.

"We don't seem to have a record of your car being towed this morning but it just so happens that someone left a red Fiero parked outside our gates. If you will accompany me, we can see if it is your car."

I waited until we were outside and I saw my car next to the road before I hugged him tightly. "Thank you, thank you, thank you. I have been having the worst day of my life and your kindness has made it better. I had almost forgotten what compassion felt like."

Gary awkwardly returned my hug. "I am glad I could help. I can't help it but when I look at you I see my little Doodle Bug in ten or fifteen years and I hope if she is ever in a jam someone will lend a hand."

I raised my brow as I looked at him. "Doodle Bug?"

He laughed. "My daughter Olivia Nicole. She's only five but I can see her looking like you when she is your age. The two of you share the same hair and eye color."

I wanted to frown at the thought of looking like someone's daughter but instead smiled as I dug my keys from my purse. "Let's hope she doesn't turn out like me. I am in your debt Gary. Please have your wife call me."

He nodded as he waited for me to get in my car. "I promise I will."

As I drove the motorcycle shop where I worked a few hours a day as a mechanic, I was able to scream and cry over what that evil witch had done to me but I knew that as soon as I saw someone the tears would dissipate and again I would be trapped within myself. In many ways I felt like I was ensnared within a bad dream.

As I drove I tried pinching myself, hitting myself and eventually resorted to cutting myself with the small knife I kept in my purse but nothing I did allowed me to awaken from my living nightmare.

I pulled in front of the bike shop where Snake, the owner, came outside to greet me before I even had the chance to get out of the car. "What are you doing here so early?"

My father and Snake were old friends from high school and when I told Daddy I was moving to L.A., he told me to reach out to him in the hopes that he would watch out for me and give me a job.

I smiled at the large muscular man covered with tattoos as I stepped out and closed my door. "I'm coming to work."

He nervously tugged at his long hair that he kept in a single braid. "I've been thinking about that. A dirty old bike shop is no place for a lady, I'm afraid of what might happen to you if someone comes in when I'm not around or what I would do to anyone who tried to hurt you. Your old man and I go way back and I'm afraid I would end up like him if anyone tried anything on you in my shop."

I stared at him. "What are you saying Snake? Are you firing me?"

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a billfold that was attached by a chain to his belt and retrieved a few bills. "Take this to hold you over until you find a respectable job."

I glared at him as I started to get back in my car. "Don't do me any favors."

He quickly opened the passenger's side door and placed the money on my seat. "Don't be that way. I'm trying to help you. This is no place for someone like you. Your father has high hopes for you and so do I. You can go far but not if you hang around people like me."

Tears started to flow again. The bitch Polina told me my life was going to basically be the same but it was becoming apparent she lied.

I looked at the currency spread across my seat and knew I could not accept it. I gathered the money and stood back up before I reached across and offered it back to him. "I'm not my mother, I don't take handouts."

He frowned as he crossed his large arms across his massive chest. "I know you're not which is the only reason I offered it to you."

I stormed around the car and threw the money at his chest. "If I am too good to work in your shop then I am too good to accept your money. I didn't want anything from you but friendship and chance to earn my way. I'm not some damn charity case because you and my father have a history."

I ran back to drivers side and hopped in to drive away while he scrambled to gather his money from the street.

---

"Are you okay?" someone asked from behind me.

I shrugged as I turned to see it was the petite red head. "It does not matter how I feel. That bitch friend of yours has made sure of that."

The woman took my hand in hers. "My name is Cali Zoyra and the woman that was by my side is my wife Dani. Polina is her twin sister." She frowned momentarily. "Your hate for Polina runs deep and I can't say it is not deserved. I am sorry for what she did to you."

I felt an odd tingle run through my body and immediately tensed up at the familiar sensation I had only felt in one other person's presence. "Are you like Polina? Stop whatever it is you are doing to me."

Her beautiful eyes filled with compassion. "In some ways I am but in others I am much like yourself."

My brows furrowed as I tried to comprehend. "How are you like me?"

Her voice was soft and warm. "I too was born a man. In fact you have met me before."

I should have been surprised by her words given how femininity oozed from every pore of her tiny body but I was not. I would believe anything after what had happened to me.

I started to open my mouth but Polina's warning echoed in my mind causing me to close it with a frown. "I can't talk about it."

Cali smiled. "You can with me since we have shared a similar gift."

I started toward the door. "It doesn't matter anyway. That was almost twenty years ago and I could not go back to that life even if I wanted to. I've now been female longer that I was male and I have a son I would not trade for anything on this earth. My life is what it is."

Cali stepped between me and the exit. "But are you happy?"

I shrugged. "Happy as the next person I guess. I'm happy to be a mother and to have a career I enjoy in these trying times."

She nodded skeptically. "I agree about being happy to be a mother. I hope to experience that myself one day. I love my daughter immensely but I never met her before I was changed so she will always see my brother as her Daddy and me as her aunt. Tell me Sara, what do you have outside of your son and your job?"

I suddenly became defensive. "I don't need anything else."

Cali sighed deeply. "Everyone needs someone to love them that they love back." When I started to protest she raised a finger to quiet me. "And kids don't count."

I rolled my eyes in disgust as I pushed past her to get to the door. "Fuck love. I'm not about to give another man that weapon to tear me down. Nobody will get close enough to hurt me again. If you will excuse me, I am in the middle of an important business lunch. Seeing your wife unlocked a lot of painful memories I thought I had successfully suppressed. I just needed a moment to regroup."

Pausing briefly outside the entrance of the restaurant, I painted on my professional smile and straightened my posture. I still had a meeting that needed to be concluded.

---

Callista slowly walked back into the lobby of the hotel contemplating the best way to help the tortured soul she had just met.

Her wife Danica and best friend Adam joined her side with a look of concern. Adam's lunch date Britney excused herself to use the restroom which was previously occupied by Sara and Cali.

"What is her problem?" Adam asked. "She totally freaked out when she saw Dani. It was like she knew her."

Cali shook her head sadly. "She thought she was seeing Polina." Cali then glanced at Dani. "Your sister did a number on her."

"I would like to do a number on her." Adam responded.

Cali glared at her lifelong friend. "Dammit Ry, I mean Adam, you leave that girl alone. She is a sweetheart and has been through enough without you using her like you have done every other woman since you changed."

Adam raised his hands defensively and his voice became serious. "Sorry Cali, but for the record I have not made any promises to any of the women you think I've used. They are using me for sex just as much or more than you think I am of them but if it makes you feel better, I promise not to make the first move."

He paused momentarily before he winked at the women. "All bets are off though if she comes on to me first."

Dani rolled her eyes. "I really hate your new ego sometimes Adam. Ryan was much more humble about his looks."

Cali laughed thinking of the man Adam used to be . "No honey, that part is still the same you just never heard it without a filter before."

Britney rarely experienced intimidation but she felt downright ugly as she rejoined the trio of beautiful people. Plus the woman who Adam made a beeline to meet also possessed an attractiveness that rivaled the three. Even though the brunette woman tried to hide her beauty, a blind man would be able to see her appeal.

Britney regretted agreeing to meet the man who could rock her world unlike any other. She wondered if her confidence would be able to recover.

Dani looked at Britney knowing they could not talk freely in front of her. "Adam why don't you go head back to the table. We will follow shortly."

He nodded as he led the attractive blonde back into the restaurant.

Once they were alone Dani turned to her wife. "What did you find out?"

Cali sighed sadly. "She had been a boy until the day she turned eighteen. Polina changed her and another then left the poor girl in the middle of hell to figure out her new place in life. Polina offered no guidance and only a sliver of hope she could change back. Sara held onto to that impossible hope entirely too long. Her hold on the one person that your sister said could change her back was almost her downfall. She has done extremely well for herself but it has been all on her own and the scar is deep."

Dani stared at Sara through the glass in the door. "Sister use my eyes, please be swift and remember this woman you damaged with a foolish gift."

Moments later Dani's phone started ringing. "What did you do?... Oh, she is the one…. No, do not come because the sight of me sent her in a rage, I can only imagine what seeing you will do… I will talk to mother for advice and let you know… I love you too…I will let her know... bye."

"We need to talk to mother after lunch." Dani said as she placed her phone back in her purse.

Cali nodded as she held the door open. "I hope we can help but in the meantime I think she needs to learn how to relax and I provided the desire to do so."

Chapter Four

"Are you okay?" Kevin asked as I rejoined him at the table.

I nodded. "Sorry about that but I needed some air."

"I understand. I usually need to get away from him too" Kevin sighed angrily as he glared at Adam and his friends.

"I thought you two are friends?"

Kevin shook his head. "Not really. Zeus and I are only business acquaintances."

I thought for a moment. "Maybe he's hoping you will allow your artists to perform for him or he's angling to host events for you."

Kevin smiled at my assumption. "I like your shrewd mind but no. I don't see him as the type to own a country rock establishment."

I laughed at that thought. "I can't either. If I had my guess he'd own something like the Tipsy."

Kevin nodded knowingly and joined me with his laughter. "I'd lay good money on that."

The duration of our lunch meeting was rather pleasurable as we discussed more business. My knowledge of the record industry impressed Kevin. His passion for music radiated when he talked. We discovered our varied tastes in music overlapped quite a few times giving us more in common that I would have imagined.

Surprisingly I found myself relaxing and really enjoying Kevin’s company. He turned out to be very intelligent and rather witty. We were having such a nice time that our lunch lasted longer than either of us had planned.

After we finally finished our delicious meal Kevin paused before placing his napkin on the table. "Sara, this has been a delightful diversion from my normal business engagements. These meetings are usually rather boring but I find myself truly enjoying your company."

I looked across the table feeling assured the meeting had been a success. "I feel the same."

Kevin smiled warmly. "I was wondering if you would do me the honor of joining me for a drink tonight?"

His request caught me completely off guard. Without a doubt, Kevin was very nice and quite attractive and if I wanted a man I could do a lot worse than him but this had bad idea written all over it. Given the nature of our meeting it was never recommended to mix business and pleasure. I needed to quickly come up with an excuse. "Kevin I'm flattered and have no doubt it would be fun but I already have plans tonight. I’m sorry but I can't."

I wasn't lying. My cousin Ellie and I had planned for tonight all week.

Kevin shifted in his seat, his confidence momentarily vanquished. "That was foolish of me, I should have known you have someone in your life." His vulnerability looked adorable in a boyish type of way.

Silently I cursed him for putting me in such an awkward position. He was not the first client to ask me out but he was the first who caused me to pause before I declined. It was like I was compelled to accept his offer.

If not for the business side of things I would not have hesitated to accept his invitation but seeing how there was, in fact, a potential conflict of interest I couldn’t see how it was possible to go out with him. I learned long ago that I needed to let him off easy. Most men's ego are fragile and must be handled gently otherwise it would affect our promising business arrangement.

I gave him a genuine smile as I placed my hand on his. "It's not that at all Kevin. I'm flattered and very much appreciate the offer but I'm afraid it would be a grossly negligent on my part to accept."

Kevin appeared amused and sly grin formed on his lips, "Look, I know I’m not exactly dressed properly but you don’t have to call me gross!"

I found myself laughing. "I like what you're wearing. I think you're cute but you know what I mean."

Oh my God, did I just tell him he's cute? How old am I?

His expression changed from amusement to one of determination in an instant. This was a man who was used to getting his way. "I know what you meant but to be clear, I don’t see it as a conflict at all so allow me to ask you one question if you don’t mind."

"Of course."

His smile reminded me of ones I had seen in past negotiations. It was a smile of utter confidence. "If I agree to give your company my business would you accept?"

Oh this man is playing dirty. I leaned forward slightly and twisted a cloth napkin in my hands to control my anger. "Kevin, that’s not a fair question and I don't appreciate the implication. I refuse to influence your decision with promises outside of what our company can offer."

He paused, taken aback by my words. He scratched underneath his bottom lip with his thumb but appeared as resolute as ever when he spoke again. "I'm sorry. That was never my intention, I had already decided to work with your agency before I ever arrived. Your proposals have been remarkable and I love what you have in mind. Today has been nothing more than a formality and a chance to meet you face to face so let me ask you this…If we had met somewhere other than via a business lunch with you vying for a contract would you have accepted an offer for a drink?"

This answer was an easy one so I responded immediately. "Absolutely."

Damn, what a time for my mouth to speak without first asking permission from my brain.

His enthusiastic hazel eyes lit up with satisfaction. "Great, I'll send a copy of the contract to my lawyer and provided there are no unforeseen complications consider yourself hired." I had little doubt a look of confusion crossed my face as he flashed a million dollar grin and leaned back. "Now that that is out of the way how about that drink?"

I felt nauseous and knew this would not end well. I wracked my brain but could not figure out how to get out of it. I finally managed to smile as sweetly as I could. "As I said before I already have plans for tonight."

Undeterred, his expression never faltered as he pressed forward with the intensity of either a shrewd businessman or a man-child who was used to getting his way. "How about tomorrow night then? When and where should I pick you up?"

I gave in, Kevin was obviously a man of determination and if I was being honest I found that trait rather sexy. Contrary to outward appearances, I have always preferred a man willing to take charge which is the very reason I had sworn off men. But… It could be fun but I’d rather drive in case I was totally wrong about him and needed an easy out.

I glanced at him with a warm smile. "Yes, I think tomorrow would be feasible but I'd be more comfortable meeting you there."

Kevin straightened in his seat and nodded, "I completely understand, how about The Palm at seven?"

I thought for a moment. If Mom didn’t want Hunter to spend the night again I would need to pick him up by nine which would not give us very long. Additionally the subject of my son had not come up and I would rather he knew up front so he could bail before feelings became hurt. "Any chance we could meet at six? I’m not sure I can get a sitter on late notice and I’d hate to show up then have to leave shortly afterward."

Kevin nodded. "I understand, see you at six."

---

I readied myself in the mirror and knew I was cutting it close on time. I stepped out into the hall and shouted down the stairs. "Honey, are you about ready? We need to leave in ten minutes."

I grabbed my tube of mascara and slowly applied it while wishing my lashes were longer when I heard a voice from just outside my door. "Almost ready Mom, just need to put on my shoes. Did you sign my permission slip for basketball?"

Hunter Robert Collins is twelve and the center of my universe. Very tall for his age at five foot nine, he had reached that age where he was taking charge of his appearance and decided to let his wavy brown hair grow out a little. With some effort he finally agreed to let me get him a textured cut so he could look like his favorite rock stars.

He was a little heart breaker with his 'sick' hair, as he called it, and my bright electric blue eyes. He was active in sports and he shared my love of music so I taught him how to play piano and guitar at a very early age. To my delight, he had become very well rounded and I thanked the Good Lord everyday he placed him in my life.

My son saved me and gave me purpose when I had none.

I popped my head out of my bedroom door. "It’s on the piano but don't touch it. You'll lose it before Monday."

I never knew it was possible to love someone so much.

I quickly put on my black leather skirt. It wasn't exactly a mini skirt but nobody would call it conservative either. Next I put on my red corset top and topped it off with a man's black suit jacket that had been custom tailored so that it was more figure flattering. When you are a size they don't carry on the racks of most stores you learn to become inventive if you don’t want to spend a fortune to look good plus it was a small connection to the person I used to be.

I often wondered if it was genetics or a by-product of what Polina had done to me but I was secretly pleased to appear far younger than my thirty-six years and thought that again as I gave myself a once over in the mirror before sticking my head out into the hall. "Are your shoes on? All I have to do is put on my boots and then we need to go."

I learned long ago to double check on Hunter. He had a bad habit of saying he was ready only to leave me waiting angrily at the door.

"I'm a man. I was ready ten minutes ago. As usual, I'm just waiting on you." My son replied in a sarcastic tone.

Yep, he was my kid.

"On my way Mr. Smartypants." I descended the stairs from my bedroom while putting silver hoops in my ears.

I ran into the smell of Curves for men as soon as my feet hit last step. I tried to fan the strong smell away from my nose. "My God Hunter, did you use the entire bottle? Go wash your neck and change your shirt."

A very angry almost teenager glared at me. "It's not that bad Mother."

I laughed. I'm Mom most of the time, Mama when he wants something but I'm Mother if he is pissed at me. "Listen sweetheart, sometimes less is more. You can get as mad at me as you want but I'm only trying to help. You're going to burn some poor girl's nose off smelling like that. Trust me on this and go do what you're told."

Hunter sulked to his bedroom without saying anything.

"Remember now, I'm going out with Aunt Ellie tonight. I'll have my phone on me. Are you ok with me going out?"

I rarely went out when we lived in New York but since my parents were so close and begging to watch Hunter every chance they had, I found my social life vastly improving.

Hunter emerged wearing his vintage New York Football Giants tee shirt and smiled his perfect smile, showing off the result of recently removed braces. "Sure, I like spending time with Granny and Papa. Papa said he’s taking me fishing in the morning." He walked toward me. "I’m glad we moved here."

I rubbed the back of his neck and leaned in to kiss him and to my surprise, found I didn't have to lean very far reach the top of his head. "I am too, I think. I forgot how nice it is to be around family. Do you like your new school?"

Nodding his head, Hunter responded, "Yeah, it’s pretty cool, I like the kids there." he suddenly became wistful. "I miss Nonna and Nonno though."

I smiled while thinking of our dear friends in New York. "I know, I do too. Maybe I can talk them into coming down for the holidays."

I knew he was going to be so surprised to see them next week when they came in for his birthday.

Hunter looked up at me while giving me a hug, "I'd like that. I love you Mom."

I reciprocated his embrace. "I love you too sweetheart."

In moments like these I could not hold any anger over what had happened in my past.

---

"Dang Libs, you are crazy!" Ellie screamed at me as I stepped off the stage "I can’t believe you did that! I mean fifteen years ago I’d expect you to act that way but not anymore!"

I tossed the tee shirt the band gave me over my shoulder. "Well, they asked for a volunteer and for once being the tallest girl in the room came in handy. You know they would have asked you if my big ass hadn't been blocking their view."

Ellie slapped my arm, "Would you hush with that nonsense, you're hot and you know it."

"Shoot girl, I don’t deserve to even be in your shadow."

I truly believed my words. Ellie was a year younger and gorgeous. She had long, straight, very dark brown hair with intense big green eyes to die for. I had no idea how she maintained a perpetual tan compared to my consistently fair complexion. At five foot two her curves were just right for driving men crazy in her low cut bright orange mini dress. She quickly reminded me I was back in Tennessee when I laughed at the color after we met up.

A lot of people considered Ellie an acquired taste. She had a tendency to speak her mind at all times without a filter and I loved her for it. We were first cousins who grew up together. Even before my change, she was the yin to my yang. For as beautiful as she was on the outside, to me she was even more so on the inside.

She had been married and divorced more than most yet she was still an incurable romantic, which was in complete contrast to my never going to get married cynical view of love. She always wore bright cheery colors, whereas I drifted to black or dark hues. She remained ever the optimist while I always expected the worst.

We had been best friends our entire lives.

We were close before what happened to me but afterwards she became an anchor who showed me how to enjoy life even though she had no idea she was doing it.

Ellie rolled her eyes at me before she leaned in. "Whatever! It’s just great to see you acting like your old self!"

I cringed. I am NOT acting like my old self. My old self was someone I worked hard to leave behind. I must have had more to drink than I thought. I only lost control when I drank too much.

I did a lot of drinking the first few years after my change as I tried to cope. My worries and inhibitions disappeared when I drank so the actions I could not control did not bother me as much.

I threw the shirt the band had just given me at her. "You mean my drunk self? You know damn good and well it’s just the alcohol making me act like this."

Ellie rolled her eyes again before she hugged me. "WHATEVER! Like there was any difference back then! If it's the alcohol then we need to get you another drink cause I've missed my bestest friend. You're so much fun like this!"

It occurred to me that I was having more fun than I'd had in years. "The band’s just about finished. Let’s wait til we go to the next bar to get a drink. Where'd you want to go anyways?" I had to shout to be heard over the crowd.

Ellie leaned into me so I could hear. "There's a new bar that just opened around the corner called Anthracite they say it’s really cool and some friends from work are supposed to be there. Sounds like your kind of place or at least it used to be."

Her final four words caused me to groan. I knew that was her way of saying it was a dark dingy rock bar with little comfort and lots of attitude. She was right with what she said, but that was a life I spent many years trying to put behind me…

---

When Razor disappeared after our transformation, the band I was in disbanded. Without the group of guys who had been my only friends, another connection to my past life disappeared.

I needed something to keep me busy at night so I would not drink myself to death and a job at a dingy little rock club on the strip provided me that opportunity.

Working at the Tipsy was great for a few reasons… It kept me in an environment where I felt comfortable. It provided much needed positive cash flow. It allowed me to hang out with many of the biggest stars of the day. By hang out I mean sleep with because apparently had I been born a girl, I would have been a slut.

Most importantly that life allowed me to empty my mind and not think about the life I lost

I shuddered as I thought about being an angry, redneck tramp who would fight at the drop of a hat because most nights that first year, if I was not fucking some random star. I was fighting some random slut.

Chapter Five

I glanced at Ellie again who was now wearing her patented sad puppy dog look that she knew I never could resist. "Do you really want to go there?"

Giddiness overcame Ellie as she buzzed with excitement. "Yes, it’ll be fun and what trouble can you get into? I’ll be there to keep you straight."

I blew a stray strand of hair from my face and dropped my head. "Famous last words."

Ellie squealed and grabbed me by the hand to drag me toward the door. "Chin up girly, it’ll be a blast."

We walked down the brick lined sidewalk arm in arm and turned the corner. As the club came into view I could see a long line and a guy working the door talking to a group of girls who appeared to hang on his every word. He looked familiar but I could not really tell from this distance.

Due to my stigmatism, my contacts didn't work as well as they should. The only way to see properly was to wear glasses or get custom made clear lenses. Neither were an option I wanted.

Once we moved closer I understood why the man had a co-ed congregation. His body was perfect, he was wearing sexy black jeans that fit in all the right places and had on a white tank that hugged a magnificently muscular chest that boasted many sexy tattoos. His long shiny black hair that he had pulled back into a low ponytail was icing on a scrumptious looking cake.

He looked like both my most erotic dream and my worst nightmare wrapped up in one delicious package. He glanced in our direction followed by a double take when he saw me. His dark sensual eyes locked with mine.

I stopped dead in my tracks.

Dammit Jesus I am only human.

Why would you tease me with such a delectable sight twice in one day?

Because our arms were wrapped together Ellie jerked back when my feet refused to take one more step. "Why’d you stop? Is something wrong?"

My survival instincts kicked in and I became anxious to get as far away from the man I knew deep down owned a custom made key to my Pandora's box. "Um, no. I’m not sure going here is a good idea, Let’s go back to the Wagon Wheel."

This had bad idea written all over it. Adam was everything I found sexy in a man and he was also everything that made me leave LA. I needed to keep him at a comfortable distance. That sexy beast was the type of man who should be admired from afar.

Ellie tried to drag me forward. "No way, I want to check this club out." She halted her progress and fury raged across her face when she saw him. I flinched, preparing myself for the inevitable earful when she spun around. "Oh hell no girl, don’t tell me you still go for that type."

I threw my arms up. "What type?" All the while knowing exactly what she was talking about. I was bound and determined to feign ignorance.

Ellie placed her hands on her hips and glared at me with a look that told me she thought I'd lost my mind. "You know damned full well what type! You think I don’t see him? Damn, you're thirty-six years old with a wonderful son and a great career. I can't believe you still get all weak in the knees when you see a bad boy. Grow the hell up!"

Ellie’s look became more exasperated than angry. "I thought you learned your lesson years ago. Come on, we're going and you're gonna have fun. You can't keep hiding from yourself. I refuse to let you go home with anyone but me. We came together we leave together! Am I clear on this?"

She wore a look of determination that time had taught me… No matter how hard I tried, there was no way in hell that I was going to win this fight. I knew I was going in that club and I was going to have fun even if she had to drag me kicking and screaming.

I thought about the only man I had ever loved and how I vowed from my hospital bed to never let anyone hurt me like that again.

With resignation evident in my tone I dropped my head. "Crystal clear. You're right, that was a long time ago."

There was no doubt that I was stronger than I was back then. I knew I could resist his charms. His arms weren’t that big and did not have me wondering what they would feel like around my bare body. Those tattoos weren’t that sexy and did not have me wondering if he has more in places I couldn't see at the moment. His abs weren't that ripped and did not have me wanting to run my hands all over them. His eyes did not cause my body to want to betray me by stripping off my clothes providing him something to really look at. His smile did not make me wonder what his lips would feel like touching mine. His butt did not make me want to grab it and pull him toward me. His touch did not cause me to want to…

Oh hell who was I kidding? I was so screwed!

I was in trouble and for the second time in one day, my brain could not think of a way out. I was being called by the male equivalent of a siren's song. Something about him reached a dark part of me. I wanted to go to him but needed to resist. I wanted to run away but Ellie was not about to let me out of this, that much I knew.

I finally stopped pretending I had a snowball's chance in hell of winning the argument and tossed my arms up in defeat. "Fine then! Let’s go have fun even if it kills me!"

Ellie laughed and pushed me toward the club. "That’s more like it. Look I totally see your attraction to Zeus but don't worry. You're not his type anymore."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Ellie smiled. "Let's just say he is a man of singular tastes and leave it at that."

I stared at her expecting more of an explanation but she said nothing as she pulled me to the end of the line.

As we started getting closer, Adam glanced up at us and grinned before going back to checking on those in front of us. I used the opportunity to study this perfect specimen of a man. He was even more striking than I remembered. I chewed on my bottom lip as my mind wandered to the many things I would like to do to him with my body. Ellie nudged me from my erotic fantasy as we reached him.

His attention shifted from all the young girls and focused solely on us. A sly smile turned on his full, kissable lips as he greeted us. "Hi ladies, I need to see your ID’s."

"Come on now Zeus. Why do you need our ID’s? Don’t we look old enough?" Ellie asked in her usual flirty approach.

"That’s a trick question which I refuse to answer Elle." Adam's polite laugh told me, not only did they know each other but also that Ellie's flirtation had no effect. "Besides it’s the law. I have to ID everyone. " His eyes then turned to me as his voice took on a seductive edge. "But I’ll let you in on a secret it’s also a tactic I use to learn the names of beautiful women."

With a wink he turned to me and accepted my license while silently commanding my shy falsely hued eyes to meet his tempting dark brown ones. Goosebumps covered my entire body. It felt as if he was looking into my very soul.

An indiscernible expression crossed his face.

Oh, maybe he remembers me.

I gave him my sexiest smile.

After looking at my ID, his eyes darted to meet mine momentarily, then back down before staring at me dumbfounded. "Sara? Did I meet you during lunch today?"

Shit, so much for that theory.

My smile faded into a grimace. "Wow, I must not have left much of an impression," I knew I was probably showing my hurt feelings that this sexy man didn’t immediately recognize me.

He looked at me apologetically. "No that's not it, I’m sorry it’s just you look so different tonight."

I look different? What the hell?

Yes, yes my hair was down tonight and I fluffed it out so that it flowed well below my shoulder blades. Granted, I had done my eyes heavier than normal and I agree that instead of my usual business suit that really does my body no favors, I was showing a little cleavage and a lot of leg.

I didn’t look that different did I?

I looked the same to me anyways.

How dare he not remember me!

I blame all the alcohol that was coursing through my veins for making me brave. I decided to make him squirm for this oversight on his part.

"Different good or different bad?" I teased as I twisted my hair around my index finger and smiled demurely.

A shyness washed over him. On most men it would have been a very cute look but not on this man. Shyness on him closely resembled a shark wearing clown makeup. It should put you at ease and make you laugh but you inherently knew the danger was still lurking.

With no hint of sarcasm or machismo he responded, "You look beautiful either way but for my tastes, I like what you have on now much better."

Okay, he was actually honest. That was not the reply I was expecting. So much for making him squirm.

I couldn't believe myself as I started to giggle. "Good answer."

His cockiness returned as his face and eyes returned to normal when he spoke again. "What is your poison of choice tonight Sara?"

I fidgeted for a second as all the moisture in my body migrated south. I inadvertently licked my dry lips, I knew he was my poison but it took years to recover from my last taste so it could never happen again.

How can someone I just met have this effect on me?

He flashed his mesmerizing smile and my brain shut down. My face flushed yet again before I responded. "I’m not sure I know what you mean?"

Adam laughed at me. Not a chuckle but a full on, out loud laugh. It was a deep roar that inexplicably made me grin when I should have been mortified.

"What's your drink of choice tonight?"

Duh! I knew that! What is wrong with me?

My next words stumbled out before I even had a chance to process them. My voice sounded huskier than usual as I responded. "Oh! I’m all about some Sex tonight!"

Damn Mouth! Get permission from brain before speaking!

Adam had the slightest hint of an evil grin on his gorgeous face. "I believe I am as well. Sounds like fun, maybe I can join you later to find out."

My jaw dropped from his inappropriate yet extremely arousing comment. "Um, I mean I'm drinking Sex on the Beach."

I could feel my face turn a very bright shade of red.

Ellie just rolled her eyes at me…again. She seemed to be doing that a lot lately.

He laughed again and waved his hand toward the doorway. "The bar is at the top of the stairs on the left ladies, enjoy yourselves."

"Thanks." Ellie huffed as she snatched her license. It was obvious she's not used to being ignored, especially not in favor of me.

She jerked my arm and we were half way up the stairs before she started in on me. "What was that? How do you know Zeus? You flirted like you were back in high school."

I tried to act offended but inwardly whimpered knowing she was right again. "I have no idea what you're talking about. I met Adam during lunch. He's a friend of a client. I obviously didn’t make much of an impact since he didn’t even remember me til he saw my name."

"Forget it, some things never change." Ellie waved her hands in the air as if to emphasize her point then paused, "Wow the music sounds great! This club has potential already."

As we topped the stairs I could not help but notice the club was not the cleanest or the classiest. Huge banners advertising bail bondsmen and DUI attorneys as well as different types of liquors adorned the flat black walls. It was narrow and deep. The chairs were the typical basic wooden variety you’d find in a dive bar. The band was loud and the people were rowdy. The club featured a huge open area in front of the stage. This was definitely not like my usual hangouts these days but once upon a time I undoubtedly would have proudly called this place home.

Ellie nudged me in the ribs bringing me from my thoughts. "Been awhile since you've been anywhere like this huh?"

I gawked at my surroundings with a small amount of awe. "Yeah, it takes me back. Oddly, it feels like I belong."

My cousin tugged my arm laughing. "Right now we belong next to the bar getting another drink."

As we approached the large counter along the back wall, a very attractive woman approached us. She greeted me with deep brown eyes that were definitely sizing me up. She looked to be my age but totally owned her body in a way I envied. She boasted a petite gorgeous figure in a tight black tank and very short shorts. With her shiny raven hair pulled into a high ponytail she asked. "Are you Sara?" after we were within earshot.

"Yes" My eyebrows rose, her question caught me by surprise. "Have we met?"

She shook her head and smiled. "No, I’m Jane. Nice to meet you. Adam called up and said he wanted to give you some Sex…" She paused before continuing, "on the Beach’." She winked as she pushed a drink towards me. "On the house, welcome to Anthracite."

Jane was funny. I liked her already.

"Um, thanks and tell Adam I said thanks too."

Ellie walked over and looked to Jane as if she expected a free drink as well. After Jane said nothing Ellie sighed before giving Jane some attitude in her tone. "I need a Bud Light please."

I could tell she was slightly put out but Ellie tried to play off the snub with her usual humor. "Good thing it was my turn to buy the rounds. Looks like I got off cheap."

I couldn't help myself as I bumped my shoulder into hers. "I've seen some of your boyfriends, you get off cheap a lot."

Jane overheard what I said and smirked at me before turning away so Ellie wouldn't see her laugh.

Yep, I really liked her.

Ellie glared at me with fake indignation before laughing. "I know right!"

After we made our way to a table Ellie noticed a few of her friends and motioned them over. We all hugged before taking our seats.

Moments after we sat down the lead singer walked up to the microphone. "We're going to dig into our retro vault for this next song and ask Janet to come up to sing for you guys. I know we don’t usually reach this far back but it’s a classic folks. Hope you enjoy it."

A female singer made her way to the front as the band began to play a song called ‘Out of the Dark’ from back in the day by a band named Bellero.

I moaned before I emptied my drink in one large, unladylike gulp. That song was one of my all time favorites and would always hold a special place within me. I dropped my head to the table and covered it with my hands. If it wasn’t bad enough they made a point of mentioning how old it was, the singer began to massacre the song. I could only imagine what a judge would tell her if she was on one of those TV talent shows.

Ellie noticed my reaction and started laughing, "You ought to go on stage and show her how it's meant to be sung."

I shook my head. "He said it was retro!"

Ellie stared at me, obviously confused. "So?"

I turned to her with desperation on my face. "That song can’t be retro, it’s not that old."

Ellie cackled at me even more. "Girl, anything over ten years old is considered retro these days and that song is way older than that."

I glared at Ellie. "You’re not helping me feel better and fourteen years is not way older." I grabbed my empty glass and started to stand. "You need another beer?"

Ellie laughed again. "Yeah, just grab my money from your suitcase." She liked to tease me because I carried such large purses.

I grinned, "You mean from your coin pouch?" So, in turn, I teased her about carrying such small ones.

She shoved me toward the bar with a smile. "Whatever, just get my beer bitch."

"I got it since my last one was free, besides it’s my turn to buy." I responded over my shoulder without breaking stride.

"If you're buying then get me a shot of Jager too!" Ellie yelled as I was almost out of earshot.

I laughed all the way to the bar. My dear cousin was right, I needed tonight. I had not felt as relaxed in ages.

While waiting for Jane, I started to sing the song the band was playing and danced in the spot where I was waiting. I traveled back in time and quickly became caught up in the music, the singer may have sucked but the band was really good.

I was so into the music that I wasn't really paying attention to anything or anyone around me. "Wow you sound just like the girl who originally sang that song," Jane said, bringing me back out of my musical reverie.

"I wish!" I responded, "Hey can I get another Bud, a shot of Jager and a Sex on the Beach please?"

"You're a damned sight better than that girl singing on stage." Jane continued. "Have you ever thought of singing professionally?"

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, just like every other person in this town that can carry a tune, but as for being better that that girl, that’s not saying much."

Jane laughed, "I guess you're right. She must be doing the lead singer or something cause a cat in heat sounds better than her." She turned away, "Be right back with your drinks."

As she placed my beverages in front of me she wore a smirk. "That'll be eight fifty."

I met her smirk with a puzzled look.

"I told you Adam has your drinks covered tonight." She replied to my unasked question.

I grimaced slightly then tilted my head and allowed a wide grin to settle. "Thanks but one drink from a cute guy is my limit. More than that and they expect something in return."

Jane laughed as I slid a twenty across the bar and walked away before she could give me any change.

Later on after Ellie took her turn going to the bar, she returned with my drink and handed me eleven dollars and fifty cents.

"Don’t ask me, the bartender insisted I give you this." Ellie said, knowing my question before I even had to ask.

I looked back at Jane who was staring at me with a triumphant grin. Her eyes no longer sized me up, instead they overflowed with approval.

I shook my head and dropped the money to the table.

Ellie brought my attention back to the table when she said. "Look, if you don’t want it I’ll keep it. I need to get my car out of the shop."

I glared at her. "Why didn't you tell me? You know I wouldn’t have minded paying tonight."

Ellie shook her head. "It's my problem. I didn't plan to even tell you. I'm drunk and it slipped out. I know how you are. I'll just have to work an extra shift or two. It's MY problem, not yours."

Yes she did plan to tell me, she just had to work up her liquid courage. If I lived to be a hundred, I would never understand why she could not just come right out and ask. I'd do anything for her because I knew she'd do anything for me. The only thing that annoyed me was how she always made it such a challenge to help her.

I took a breath, preparing to play her game. "I don't mind. Which shop is it at?"

She shook her head again. "I'm not telling you?"

I slammed my hand on the table. "Why not?"

Ellie spun around so we were face to face. "Because I know you. If I tell you where it is you'll go there first thing in the morning and pay my bill. I'm not letting you do that anymore."

I grabbed her hand. "I'm happy to do it, you know that. Lord knows you bailed me out enough when I've been in a jam. It's no problem. I can afford it." Ellie said nothing so I decided to offer her my other car. "You want to borrow the 911?"

I knew I caught her attention when her eyes lit up. "You still have that?"

I received my brand new, top of the line, cherry red nineteen ninety-eight Porsche 911 Carrera all wheel drive convertible when I lived in L.A.. I shipped it to my parents house when I moved to New York. It did not even have ten thousand miles on it since it had not been driven regularly in over twelve years. Daddy talked me into buying my Mini explaining that since the Porsche had so few miles it might be worth some money one of these days.

Poor Hunter drooled over that car every time Daddy opened the garage door.

I nodded, "Did you think I'd ever get rid of it? It's in Daddy's garage, been there since I moved to New York."

Ellie thought hard for a moment and I knew she was tempted before she shook her head, "I can't. I know what it means to you and I'd never forgive myself if anything happened to it."

I became adamant. "It's just parked in the garage, it would do it some good for it to be driven."

She remained silent and my drunken state along with a stressful day made me tire of the charade quicker than usual. "Dammit Elle, I'm not in the mood for your games. If you won't drive the 911 then just tell me the name of the damned shop."

Ellie gasped at my words and grabbed the nearest guy before storming toward the dance floor. I sighed and gave up trying to help her for the night.

After a couple of hours of dancing and drinking Ellie had finally calmed down. At almost midnight leaned over to me "Hey, you about ready to head to the Big Bang? Greg just texted me. He says he's almost done with whatever he's working on and wants to meet there."

Greg McPhee was Ellie’s boyfriend of the week. I think he claimed to be a big time contractor and apparently well off. If I had my guesses, since he has waited so long to meet up, I'd say he's very married but it did no good to point out the obvious to her.

If I was being honest I stopped really pay attention to the details about her men a long time ago since they usually aren’t around long enough. She was constantly looking for Mr. Right but far too often settled for Mr. Right Now. I lost count of how many times my shoulder became pruny from her crying on it after some guy broke her heart.

Another reason I did not need a man.

I nodded knowing that I was getting way to comfortable and entirely too drunk. "Sure let’s get out of here, this place could get me in trouble."

Ellie winked and gave me a mischievous grin. "Are you going to thank Zeus for your drinks? Did you even have to pay for one tonight?"

I nodded my head to let her know that all my drinks had been paid for. "You mean Adam? Of course I am but not like you're suggesting."

She waved me off dismissively as she stood. "So how are you gonna thank that massive stack of hotness at the bottom of the stairs?"

I know how I’d like to thank him but that was so not going to happen.

I smiled at her as I got out of my seat and in my sexiest voice said, "I might walk up to him so close our bodies almost touch."

Ellie started to smile. "That's what I'm talking about."

"Then I will run my hand up and down that perfect muscled arm of his."

Ellie nodded enthusiastically. "You go girl."

"And with my free hand I'll gently grab his hand and…" I saw Ellie's grin widen before I finished my sentence. "shake it."

Ellie gave me a look of disgust. "Oh come on, you're no fun."

I rolled my eyes at her.

She stared up at me. "It’s not like you're gonna fuck him on the street are you? Just make sure he remembers you next time he sees you."

A thought that went against everything I felt concerning men like Adam ran through my mind. I smiled slightly thinking of turning the tables on him.

It must have been all the free drinks the sexy beast plied me with leaving me far more uninhibited than I had been in years. "You think I should?"

Ellie’s look became serious. "I can't believe I'm saying this but heck yeah you should! Girl, all you ever do anymore is work and be there for Hunter. I admire the hell out of you for that. I can't say that I wouldn't be the same way if he was mine but you need to have some fun for a change."

She paused and appeared as if she had an epiphany. "I never really paid it any mind til tonight but seeing you so relaxed, so much like the old you, I think you have been unhappy for a long time." She placed her hands on both of my shoulders. "Show me the wild girl I used to know! Show me…"

I placed my hand over her mouth and couldn’t help but to scowl at what she was about to call me. "Dammit! You know I hate that name. She's long gone!"

Ellie’s smile faded and she bowed her head as she realized she stepped over the line. "I know, I’m sorry, but you get the idea. Look at it this way. We're out on the town. You look super hot. Nobody you know is around. So just for once, take that stick out of your ass and have some fun. You deserve it. Shit, you need it!"

I rolled what Ellie said over in my mind and knew she had a point. I had become somewhat of a prude. No, not somewhat, I really had become a big old fun-sucking prude. I worried so much about putting the past behind me that I stopped living in the present.

My lips curved into a mischievous grin. "You’re right, come on and watch this!"

I slinked down the stairs to Adam who had his back to me.

He may not have remembered me from lunch but I was going to make damn sure he knew me the next time he saw me.

I slipped behind Adam unnoticed and wrapped my arms around his neck and nibbled on his ear while in my sexiest voice purred "Thanks for the drinks sexy, I’m not sure how to properly thank you. Do you have any ideas?"

Adam froze for a second and his reaction made me wonder if I just screwed it up. Could it be that I did not know how to tease a guy anymore?

He turned his head and gazed up into my eyes. His expression told me that my actions shocked him. Before he had a chance to regain his composure I placed my lips on his while at the same time urging him to stand. As he did so I embraced him tightly while deepening the kiss.

He tasted like a combination of cigarettes, whiskey and pure manliness. To my surprise, I liked it.

He slowly moved one arm up and grabbed a handful of my hair pulling me even closer as his tongue searched for mine. As he expertly explored my willing mouth I could not help but to let a soft moan escape.

That one kiss released desires that had been buried for years. Completely forgetting about where we were, I placed my arms around his waist, pulled him even closer, and ran my fingers through his thick mane as our kiss continued.

Slowly Adam pulled back with his dark eyes looking almost black. In my thirty-six years I had never seen such desire in a man’s eyes aimed in my direction. "I can think of a few ideas. I'm just not sure if you can handle them. I get off work in a couple of hours. Why don’t you come back and we can discuss our options then."

I smiled at him wickedly. "I have a few ideas of my own. I'm just wondering if you're man enough."

His entire body stiffened as I roughly pulled him tight.

Before the kiss was his. This time the kiss was all mine.

His eyes were wide as we separated. "Damn, you have to come back now."

I slipped back to reality after our second kiss and noticed we had acquired quite an audience so I shifted uncomfortably. "I’d like that."

Adam gave me a seductive smile as he winked. "See you in a couple of hours."

---

After Sara and Ellie walked far enough away, Cali and Dani walked back around from the corner of the building where they had gone when they noticed Sara walking down the stairs.

Cali frowned and punched Adam in the arm. "What did I tell you about her? Don't you dare play that woman, the last thing she needs is your games."

Adam rubbed his arm where he had been hit. "Damn sis, you pack quite a punch. For the record, I said I would not make the first move and I didn't. You saw it, she kissed me first. I can't help it I am irresistible."

Dani sighed. "I need to talk to my mother about giving you a snout and a curly tail you pig. You have plenty of other opportunities. Leave her alone."

Adam sighed. "I can't. There is something about her. She feels it too, I can tell."

Cali rolled her eyes. "Talking to you is useless but I am telling you right now that if you hurt her I am making you feel her pain. Transference of feelings is one of my gifts."

Chapter Six

"What the hell was that? I thought you were just going to mess with his head not dry hump him on the sidewalk!" Ellie screamed at me as we walked away.

I found myself on the verge of tears. "I don’t know! I got carried away. I wasn’t expecting to kiss him like that."

How could a single kiss release such desire?

Ellie’s anger faded quickly. I blamed the alcohol in her system and for once found myself thankful she was so drunk. "That was hot though, so are you going back?"

It was my turn to roll my eyes but deep inside I knew that really was a great kiss. I had not felt like that in years, if ever.

He was, without a doubt, the sexiest man I had ever laid my eyes on and his touch did things to me. I knew there was no way I could go back. He was just a doorman at a ratty club and I was so over that scene. I knew the bad things men like that could do to my psyche.

On the other hand, I could always let my parents watch my son when we went out. Hunter never had to know. It couldn't hurt just to have a little fun so long as we kept things on my terms.

Damn, I'd been home for all of two months and already I found myself falling back into my old ways.

Why am I even debating this?

I can’t allow myself to go back.

I tried to convince myself this was a bad idea but the alcohol combined with a burning desire within kept dropping my defenses.

How many chances would I ever have to be with a man who looked like that?

Having those massive arms wrapped around me would be exquisite.

No! I can’t do this, what am I thinking?

My last defense was sarcasm. "Yeah right, you know I'm just counting the minutes til he gets off so I can soon after."

Frustration washed over Ellie as she lightly smacked me on the side of my head. "Damn, what is wrong with you? He's hot, it’s obvious he wants you. It’s been Lord knows how long since you've been laid and hell even my toes curled from that kiss he planted on you. You’d be a fool not to go back!"

In an instant I could feel my blood start to boil. I’m not sure whom it was I was mad at but I knew I was as mad as I'd been in years.

Since Ellie was the person in front of me, she received my wrath.

"What is wrong with me? I'm drunker than I've been in years thanks to you! I went to a club I had no business being in thanks to you!"

I found myself yelling at this point. "To top it all off I just made out with a guy that I just met on the freaking sidewalk. It’s as if I am back in Los Angeles acting like that terrible person I used to be again." My voice rose even higher as my anger raged full force. "And it’s none of your damned business how long it’s been!"

I turned to walk away but stopped and faced her again. "What happened to ‘we came together, we leave together. Don’t worry I’ll keep you straight?’"

Ellie just stood in front of me wincing as if I slapped her. The expression on her face made my anger evaporate as quickly as it appeared.

I knew it was not her fault, why was I taking it out on her?

"Look I’m sorry. You know that’s not me anymore. I don’t just do random hot guys. I lost control and I hate losing control. Nothing good has ever happened when I get like this! You should know that better than anyone, you've seen it."

Ellie reached over pulling me into a hug "I know girl and I'm sorry too. I know I promised but seeing you so relaxed made me change my mind. You can’t be such a tight ass all the time. You've been miserable for awhile and have to find a balance. The first step in finding that balance is to get you laid."

When I didn't respond she stood on the tips of her toes to kiss my cheek. "Come on Greg is waiting on us."

---

My mind raced as I nursed my drink and looked over lower Broadway from our seats on the balcony of the Big Bang.

What is wrong with me?

How can a kiss affect me so much?

Ellie had a point, I needed to find a balance but was Adam that balance?

Undoubtedly he was everything I found physically attractive in a man but I had sworn off men and even if I hadn't, he lived in a world I fought hard to forget.

Ellie looked down at her phone as it buzzed and frowned. "Well damn, Greg says he's too tired and is going home. It looks like you won’t get to meet him after all."

I was still in my own little world. Instead of pointing out that his excuse sounded like something a married man would do; I remained silent, trying to figure out how I got in this mess.

Ellie waved her hand in front of my face. "Earth to Liberty. Are you still at Anthracite?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I think so but I don’t understand why."

Ellie leaned over and put her arm over my shoulder. "I do, he’s hot, he’s sexy, he wants you and did I mention he is hot?"

I laughed lightly. "You might have brought that up a time or two, but why me? You saw those young girls hanging all over him. Why would he want me when he can have his choice of any young girl with pert tits and a tight ass?"

Ellie glared at me as if I missed the point. "Maybe he wants a woman? I know you don’t want to hear this but you've still got it. You could have any guy you wanted if you just tried but you let one shitty boyfriend convince you that you are less than the beautiful, wonderful woman you really are."

I shook my head. "I could see if he wanted you. I mean look at you, you are beautiful and the proper size of a woman but why in the world would someone like him want me? I am nothing more than a freakishly tall reformed slut."

I could see the rage in Ellie’s eyes as she stood and started in on me. "That’s bullshit and you know it."

I flinched. Oh hell, she… was… PISSED.

"You're just as hot if not hotter now than you ever were. How can you even say you are unattractive after everything back then? I never compared to you before, and even now with you trying to ugly yourself up, I don't stand a chance. Girl you could easily pass for twenty-five if you tried. I don’t know what I can do to convince you, but damn girl you have got to drop the ugly duckling routine cause it’s just not working."

I blew a stray piece of hair from my face. "Whatever."

She glared at me. "So, are you going back or not?"

I groaned and dropped my head in my hands. "It has bad idea written all over it."

Her expression did not falter. "Yeah it does but when was the last time you did anything dumb and impulsive?"

I looked up through my fingers and gave her a crooked grin. "I’d say the last time was back in LA."

Ellie could tell she had gotten her point across so she gave me a sly smile. "Then I think you're due. Go, have fun, get laid and call me in the morning but not too early."

She had a point. I could do this! I deserved this! What was one night going to hurt?

I gave Ellie a hug. "You're the best, I've missed you so much."

She returned my embrace. "I’m so glad you finally moved home, it’s great to have my best friend back. Have fun, be careless, and remember I love you."

I handed her the small purse that I had been keeping in my large one. "I love you too."

"Hey" she yelled out before I reached the door.

I turned around slowly, bracing myself for another onslaught. She must have found the extra cash I slipped in her purse.

"If you find yourself unsure how to act tonight just ask yourself what would Ellie do. If whatever you think makes your eyes roll then go with that thought."

I laughed and nodded my head. "I'll keep that in mind."

---

As I nervously walked back to Anthracite I couldn’t help but wonder what I was doing.

Could I do this? I wanted to do this but could I?

To take my mind off things I quickly called a mutual friend of Ellie and I.

Tina worked as a bartender at the club Ellie danced in. If anyone knew where she took her car to be repaired it would be Tina.

"Is something wrong?" Tina asked as soon as she answered.

"No, sorry for calling so late but I have a question."

Tina laughed. "It's not late, it's just late for you. What can I help you with?"

I took a deep breath and prayed she knew the answer. "Do you know what shop Ellie took her car to?"

"Yeah it's at Manny's tranny shop on Elliston Pike. It needs a new transmission and Manny is a regular here so he's giving her a good deal."

I released a triumphant sigh of relief. "Thanks. How are you?"

"I'm good, why did you ask?"

I laughed. "Cause I want to know how you are silly."

Tina knew I was up to no good. "No, I meant about her car."

I tried to play it off. "No reason. I'm sure you're busy so I'll let you go. Thanks again."

Tina sounded confused. "No problem. Talk to you soon."

When I turned the corner I noticed Adam was no longer working the door. I paused to gather my thoughts then made up my mind to go in and grab one more drink before I caught a cab home.

The crowd had thinned out considerably from earlier. I took a seat at the bar and Jane looked up and smiled at me knowingly. "Hey Sara, if you're looking for Adam he'll be out in a minute. Want another sex?"

I blushed thinking she probably heard about our little display outside. "Yeah, that would be great thanks."

Jane slid a drink across the bar. "Here you go, this one's on me."

I couldn't help but wonder if she was trying to keep me loosened up. "Thanks but let me pay."

She shook her head. "No, I insist, it’s on me and I promise I won't expect anything later."

I laughed at her turning my joke back on me. "You sure? I might be persuaded if you ask nicely."

Thankfully she got my joke as she was also laughing when she replied. "As tempting of an offer as that is I don't think either of us have the equipment required for a fulfilling evening."

She had me laughing so hard my eyes started to water. "Good point but I didn't come back here with the hope of a free drink."

I pushed a twenty toward her before she placed her hand over mine to stop me and provided a perceptive smile. "I’m sure you didn’t."

I felt my cheeks flush yet again as I put the twenty in the tip jar.

Jane shot me a frown and I gave her the same triumphant grin she gave me earlier.

"Everything is all set, after you close just lock everything in the safe and I'll take care of it tomorrow afternoon." Adam said as he emerged from a door behind the bar.

He was all business as he continued without noticing my presence. "Looks like I got stood up so I’m just going to head…" His gorgeous eyes met mine. "Oh hi, I didn’t see you there."

I grinned at him. He thought I wasn’t coming back so I decided to have fun.

"Someone stood you up?" I asked innocently.

Adam looked at the floor while he shuffled his feet. "Um…. well…. no, not now I guess."

I feigned offense and stuck my bottom lip out. "Oh ye of little faith. I told you I'd come back and now it sounds like you doubted me." I held up my phone showing the time, "As a matter of fact I'm ten minutes early."

I leaned back and crossed my arms under my chest, causing them to become even more prominent. "That means, if I had been on time, you would have stood me up."

Jane laughed as Adam rubbed his neck while grinning embarrassingly. "Would you like to go somewhere else? I've seen enough of this place for one night."

I nodded at him. "Sure, what'd you have in mind?"

His glorious smile returned in earnest as he reached for my hand. "Come, it’s a surprise."

I quickly finished my drink and told Jane goodnight as I moved to his side. He placed his large arm around my waist and started rubbing his hand over my ribs. The confused look on his face was priceless. I decided to answer his unspoken question. "It’s a corset."

Adam looked me up and down incredulously. "You don’t look like you need one of those."

I unbuttoned my jacket revealing the red satin corset top and the leather skirt I was wearing underneath. "I don’t, it looks cute if I get too hot for the jacket."

I could not help wondering where my bravery was coming from.

Adam's pupils expanded and I could have sworn his breathing hitched as he lightly rubbed the back of his fingers over the soft fabric. The effect of his touch sent chills throughout my body quickly replaced by the intense heat of lust. "Cute doesn't adequately fit the description. Come on."

I started to refasten my jacket before he placed his hand on mine. "Please, leave it open. You look fantastic like that."

I blushed and clasped his offered hand, leaving my front unfastened. "Where are we going? I’m not a fan of surprises."

Adam grinned and I drank in the sight of him yet again. "Some friends are having an after party and I promised to make an appearance. It's a music thing, you don’t mind do you? It shouldn't take long and afterwards we can do whatever you want."

I shifted nervously because I hated those types of gatherings. "No, not at all. Sounds like fun."

Without warning Adam wrapped me up and again pulled me close before placing his lips upon mine, granting me too brief a taste of that which I desired so deeply.

As we walked to the club that was only across the street, Adam kept a possessive arm around my waist with his hand resting comfortably at the top of my hip. We were immediately waved past the long line and he escorted me to a roped off area in the back where a bald man rivaling Adam’s massive bulk stood guard. He looked very familiar wearing a vintage concert tee with faded jeans and had more tats than Adam but I couldn't place where I knew him from.

His stern expression faded quickly when we approached. "Hey Zeus, we were wondering if you’d make it." He then looked at me closely as if he knew me but couldn't place where. "Who's your friend?"

Adam responded as if he was offended. "Hey Zack, this is Sara. I told you I would be here didn’t I? Oh ye of little faith!"

I poked him in the ribs. "Hey, that’s my line."

Zack suddenly paled and his eyes appeared to gloss over as he spoke. "Oh my God. Is it really you?"

Adam saying his name caused me to pale. The man in front of me had put on even more muscle and shaved all his glorious hair but I remembered exactly where I knew him from.

Zack used to be a bouncer at the Tipsy and had always looked after me like I was his baby sister. Eventually, after I started dating a rock star, he became my personal body guard. For a couple of years, I spent more time with Zack than anyone else.

I resisted the urge to hug the neck of my old friend and backed away quickly. "You must have me confused with someone else. Have we met?"

He did not appear satisfied with my answer. "Why are you being like this? I'm sorry for what happened. There hasn't been a day in my life I haven't wondered how I could have prevented it."

I wanted to cry from his heartfelt apology over what happened the last day we had seen each other but the last thing I needed was for my past to find me. "What are you talking about?"

"After everything that happened and all the years that have passed, you are going to pretend you don't know me?" He asked.

I shook my head nervously. "I'm sorry but I don't."

Zack moved closer, determined to get me to admit we knew each other. I tensed under his scrutiny and slid closer to Adam.

Adam pulled me into his side for protection and his voice took on an edge as he spoke again. "Damn Zack, back the fuck off."

Zack tensed and stared at me. I felt terrible as his determination slowly became confusion before it changed to resignation. "Sorry Zeus. I thought she was someone I used to know."

Adam squeezed my hip as he looked into my eyes. "More sex?"

I was shaken but couldn't let any emotions show which might give anything away so I answered quickly. "Yes please."

I did not even realize what I said until Adam lifted his brows amusingly and Zack started laughing.

I playfully slapped Adam’s generously proportioned chest and concentrated on my accent to make sure I did not slip up. "Damn, I did it again. Yes I would like another sex on the beach."

Adam’s teasing continued as we stepped away. "On a beach, in a bed, anywhere you wish milady. Location matters not."

While guiding me to a pair of empty seats he introduced me to a few people he knew.

"Everybody this is Sara. Sara this is Terry." He pointed toward a handsome man with copper colored hair and hazel eyes wearing an old concert tee and jeans. "And that is Annie" He pointed to a rather plain looking brunette girl wearing an oversized tee and jeans. He then directed my attention to a young sandy haired guy wearing an oxford shirt and khakis "and that is Troy."

I waved shyly and felt out of my element not knowing a soul in the place. "Hi everyone."

They all waved and returned my greeting.

I sat down as Adam leaned in to kiss me on top of the head. "I’ll be right back don't go anywhere."

I watched as he worked his way to the bar. I couldn't help but to laugh and yet felt a tinge of jealousy at the number of girls who were shameless in how they were throwing themselves at him.

I was startled from my thoughts by someone placing a hand on my shoulder. "Hi, I’m Mitch nice to meet you."

Mitch appeared to be around my age with long dirty blonde hair. You could tell that he'd been hot when he was younger but had lived a rough life. He was entirely too thin for his frame but possessed gorgeous green eyes that twinkled with mischief.

I tried to gather my best ‘I’m friendly but not interested in you’ voice. "Hi, I’m Sara."

He stared at me for a moment as if he already used his best line and didn't know what to say next. "What brings you in here tonight Sara?"

Sheesh, did he not see who I walked in with?

Normally this was the point where I would politely excuse myself but seeing how I was waiting where Adam asked, I decided to answer his lame question. "Not what but who brought me in here. Adam did, he’s gone to get drinks at the moment."

It sure was taking him long enough.

It was obvious from his confused expression that he had no idea know who Adam was so I turned and pointed in his direction.

Mitch's eyes widened as realization set in and he leaned back into his chair. All interest in me dissipated immediately. "Oh, you're one of Zeus’s girls? My bad. You’re not blonde so I didn’t realize. I’m sorry if you were offended. I was just being friendly. Please don’t say anything."

What did he mean one of Zeus’s girls? Why did he start backing up like that?

I creased my brows. "Why would I be offended? You were just saying hi."

Mitch shifted nervously. "I don’t know. Sometimes Zeus’s girls don’t know how to take me. I honestly wasn’t hitting on you."

Of course he was hitting on me, why would he suddenly deny it?

My shoulders fell in defeat as a light turned on clearing the lust-fueled fog in my mind.

I was just one in a long line.

What was I doing here?

The questions running through my mind seemed endless and it was then that I realized if I allowed it, I was about to become just another notch on his bedpost.

My pride and my past pushed my hormones out of the way and screamed NO at the top of their lungs. GET OUT OF HERE they continued to yell at me.

Damn the night was heading south fast.

I didn’t notice Adam walking back til he was standing beside me.

"Mitch giving you a hard time? I thought that was going to be my job tonight." He gave me a knowing wink suggesting what he expected to happen later.

Mitch looked pale "No way Zeus, I was just saying hi I swear!"

Yep, he considered me just a notch.

Adam took his seat and handed my drink over before leaning in for a kiss.

I backed away from him. "Thank you."

Adam looked genuinely perplexed. "What’s wrong Sara?"

"Nothing, why do you ask?" I might have been snippy when I said it but I knew I was not about to be converted into just another one of ‘Zeus’s girls’.

I quickly became aware that his confusion could easily turn to anger as he gave me a hard stare. "You were all friendly when I went to the bar and now you act like you don’t want to be here."

He was right. I did not want to be there. What in the Hell was I thinking?

If looks could kill, poor Mitch would have been dead when Adam stared at him. "What did you say to her?"

Before Mitch had a chance to reply I spoke up. "He only said hello. He didn’t hit on me nor say anything bad at all so stow your thunderbolt Zeus."

Adam’s lip curled slightly at my comment. "I have an idea where I can stow it."

I blushed slightly then decided that honesty was the best policy. "Here's the deal Zeus, you're all kinds of sexy and desirable but I haven't been a notch on some man’s bedpost for years and have no desire to become one tonight." My tone softened somewhat, "While I'm sure your thunderbolt is quite impressive, I'm afraid of the clap your lightning will give me. I thought I could do this but I can’t. I’m sorry for leading you on."

Adam then smirked at me. That ass had the nerve to smirk at me.

"You think I’m sexy and desirable?"

Oh he was such a man!

Out of everything I just said the only thing he heard was that!

The man who would undoubtedly become the subject my late night personal time flashed his glorious smile and my resolve weakened. "Well yeah, like you didn’t know it already. Every girl in this place swoons as you walk by." I mimicked fluttering my lashes at him to emphasize my point.

I directed his attention to a few of his female admirers to back up my argument.

I saw smoke coming from his sultry eyes as he fixed his gaze back upon me. "But I don’t want them."

Argh! This conversation seemed to be going nowhere.

"Don’t you mean you don’t want them tonight?"

He paused to consider what I said before he continued, "You may be right but there's something different about you, something I can’t quite put my finger on. Something special." He lightly rubbed his fingers across my upper thigh causing the need within me to intensify. "You're an itch I have to scratch."

I had heard so many pickup lines in my life that his words had no effect. His touch was a different story altogether. My resolve was weakening to the point of no return when a scantily dressed, very attractive, very young, very tall blonde approached and invited herself to his lap. Given the comfort level between them it was obvious she had been there a few times.

I immediately recognized Britney from lunch.

She placed one arm around his neck. "Hey Zeus whatcha doing tonight?" Britney said, sounding like a drunk Betty Boop.

I hated the fake voice she used so much that it made me want to jerk her out of his lap by her peroxided roots. That was not the voice she used when we spoke during lunch.

Adam was rather terse in his reply. "I was trying to talk to a friend before we were so rudely interrupted."

I smiled at her. "Good to see you again Britney."

Britney was so drunk she didn't recognize me. Instead she looked to Adam. "Do I know her?"

I saw this as a perfect opportunity to remove myself from the situation I rather stupidly placed myself in.

"If you’ll excuse me I’ll give you two some space."

Adam looked at me with the blonde still comfortably sitting in his lap. "You are coming back aren’t you?"

"I don’t think so. You look rather… " My eyes moved to the blonde and then evenly into his dark tempting pools, "busy but thanks for the drinks. I’m sure Brit here will be happy to scratch that itch for you. This night was… special."

While making no attempt to remove Britney from his lap he responded, "Stick around and I'll really make it special."

I smiled sweetly and leaned so we were face to face. I gently placed my hand on his left cheek and gently traced the outside of his ear with my thumb causing his head to tilt toward my touch. "I just figured out why your eyes are so brown."

Adam grinned wickedly, "You did huh? Tell me."

My expression became serious. "Cause you are so full of shit."

How in the hell did I get back to where I was drunk in a bar and arguing with a guy who considered me as nothing more than an easily replaceable piece of ass?

Adam's mouth turned downward into an adorable pout. It was so cute and out of character that I started laughing at the crazy situation I had placed myself in.

"What's so funny?" he asked with a small gleam of hope in his eye.

I shook my head. "You, me, this whole scene."

"Why?"

I leaned across Britney so Adam and I were face to face. "I'm so glad you brought me here tonight."

I grabbed the sides of his head and pulled his lips to mine. I poured all the desire I could muster into that one kiss before I released him. "Thank you for reminding me why I grew up. Maybe you can call me after you try it for yourself."

I dramatically buttoned up my jacket before turning to walk away without looking back.

As I worked my way through the crowd I began cursing my own ignorance yet I was also thankful that I had the strength to walk away and proud of myself for getting the last word.

There was a time when I would not have been able to do so…

---

We were on the road where I had a job as a backup dancer for my boyfriend's group. After the show I took a quick shower at the arena before I headed back to the bus we shared.

As usual, there was a large party going on when I arrived. I looked for the man I loved and found him in a corner with two women in his lap. The three of them were being very friendly with each other.

I grabbed both bitches by the hair and dragged them away from him and commenced to kicking both of their asses. It was not that difficult since they were both very drunk and possibly on something.

After I finished with them I started walking to the exit when my boyfriend grabbed me by the arm. "Where are you going baby?"

I sighed angrily. "To find a place so I can get some rest."

He pulled me into a hug. "Don't be mad. I'm a star and as such I have certain expectations. You know you can't do better than me so you need to calm down and enjoy the party."

I started to protest when he lifted a small spoon to my nose. "Come on baby, take this and come party with me."

I resisted until he ran his lips up and down my neck. "You told me you loved me and would do anything for me. Do this and come back to our seats."

A small tear escape as I inhaled the white powder. "I'm sorry for getting so upset. You're right. I don't deserve you."

He smiled. "No you don't but I put up with you anyway."

Chapter Seven

I stirred the following morning amazed to feel as good as I did.

I quickly showered and went to pay for Ellie's car.

After returning I decided to go for a run. I always believed there wasn't a problem that could not be worked out over a good run. I bounced to my bedroom and put on my gray biker shorts and a black tank before pulling my hair back into a ponytail. I transferred my keys and iPhone from my purse to a fanny pack before heading out.

As I ran it seemed as if my thoughts were more disorganized than usual. I was so confused.

The events from the night before ran through my mind.

It was great hanging with Ellie…

I had forgotten just how much I missed partying with her…

I'm glad we stayed in touch after I moved to New York but phone calls were no match to seeing her in person….

Wonder what Hunter is doing?

What was I thinking kissing Adam?

I should have known he was bad news when I saw him with Polina's sister…

I know what I was thinking…

He’s gorgeous, what woman wouldn’t want to kiss him along with doing much more…

Why would someone like him even be interested in me?

Adam seems to like tall blondes…

Mitch said he likes blondes…

Adam really was a good kisser…

Why did I kiss him….

Anthracite was fun….

Why did I quit going to bars like that….

You know why you quit, don’t even go there….

Guys like Adam are at bars like that….

Oh Shit I’m supposed to meet Kevin for drinks tonight….

If I want a guy then I need a guy like Kevin, not a guy like Adam….

Why do I want a guy all of the sudden?...

Why do I keep thinking about Adam….

I think it’s his eyes…

Could be his hair…

Could be his body…

Could be his tats…

Why do tattoos turn me on?

I need to go to Mom and Dad’s to see Hunter and ask if I can come back later to get him after I meet Kevin…

They always say yes easier in person than on the phone…

That was a close call with Zack…

I need to take Hunter shopping tomorrow, he has his first dance next week…

He's asked a girl to go with him to the dance…

Actually she asked him to go…

My precious boy has a girlfriend…

Hunter is growing into a man so fast…

I'm going to make sure he becomes a good man…

Kevin seems like a good man…

Adam is probably a jerk, gorgeous guys like that usually are...

Seeing his friends have forced me to think about things I thought I had put behind me…

I need to put what the terrible woman did to me out of my mind…

He must be a jerk for Mitch to be so scared of him…

Why did I agree to meet Kevin for drinks?

I should never mix business and pleasure….

Why can’t I be attracted to guys like Kevin?

Actually I think I could be attracted to Kevin if I let myself…

Why am I attracted to guys like Adam….

Have I not learned anything….

At least a guy like that gave me Hunter….

I wonder how many fish Hunter has caught…

He seems happier here….

I like seeing Hunter happy…

I wonder what Kevin is like…

He seems nice enough….

He looks too young for me….

The phone ringing interrupted my inner conversation. Looking down I was greeted by Ellie's smiling face on my display. I frowned knowing she wanted an update on my night.

Uhg this won’t go well.

"Hey Chica, what’s up?" I tried to sound cheery.

"You're a bitch, you know that?"

I started laughing. "That's not a big secret but why am I a bitch today?"

"You know why. How did you find out?"

I made a lame attempt to sound coy. "Find out what?"

Ellie became frustrated. "Come on, Manny called me a few minutes ago and said some freakishly tall, stunning, brunette chick came in and paid for the repairs to my car."

I laughed again. "See that right there tells you it couldn’t have been me. He said stunning."

Ellie didn’t find it as amusing as I did. "We talked about this last night so cut the crap."

I didn’t want to talk about my issues. "That's great. You need a ride to pick it up? "

"No, I’ll get Greg to take me and I only know one, and I quote… Really tall, smoking hot, classy, brunette with a rewards credit card in the name of Sara Liberty Collins."

I was glad she couldn't see the guilty look on my face. "I guess I'm busted."

Ellie's tone became appreciative. "Yes you are. You didn't have to do that. I didn't tell you so you'd take care of it."

Yes she did but I could tell she actually felt guilty about it this time so I let it slide. "I know you didn't but I could help. You hurt my feelings when you didn’t ask. You'd do the same for me if you could."

The sadness in her voice made me feel awful, not for helping her because I'd always do that without regret. My feelings were for the helplessness I heard when she spoke. "Yeah, I would. I just hate always running to you when I get in a bind."

I needed her to see things through my eyes. "Why? Are you not the first person I call when I need anything?"

"Well yeah but you only need advice or to vent."

"So are you saying that if I called you up and said I needed twenty dollars you wouldn’t give it to me?"

"No. You know damn well that anything I have is yours."

Praise Jesus, I was finally able to get through to her. "Exactly! I have the money to help so let me and instead of bitching just say thank you."

Ellie laughed and I knew she was fine. "Thanks. How was last night?"

I attempted to avoid the subject. "Hey, did you know Zack is in town?"

Ellie didn't sound surprised. "Yeah, he's been here about a year I guess. How did you know?"

"I saw him last night."

"Did he recognize you?"

"Of course but thankfully I was able to convince him he was crazy."

Much to my dismay Ellie steered to conversation back on course. "I'll talk to him next time I see him and help. You're avoiding the subject. How was last night?"

"How was what?" I feigned ignorance in a desperate hope that she was asking about something else. Not the smartest tactic I'll admit, and it never worked with her, but I did it anyway.

"You know what, did you get some or not?"

"Not" I sighed and braced myself for the inevitable butt chewing I knew would follow.

"Why not? You were all hot and bothered when you left last night"

"I sobered up after I got there I think. He is such a player girl; he tried to talk me into staying while he had a hot blonde sitting in his lap. I don’t want to be that girl again. Been there done that and didn't even get the damned shirt."

"You and your romantic ideals. You have spent too much time with your damned romance novels."

"I have been used my whole life, what's wrong with wanting a little romance every now and then? I'm not asking for a lot, just something besides ‘Hey baby here’s a drink. Wanna fuck?’"

Ellie’s anger rose as she snapped. "You have some unattainable idea of romance. There ain't nothing wrong with just raw sex every once in awhile. I love you, you know this, but dammit you need to get laid. You're too uptight."

I snapped right back at her. "Look just because I’m not like you, who can be happy with Mr. Right Now, doesn’t mean I am wrong."

"Ouch, that one hurt."

I sighed, she just was not getting it "I’m sorry but you know what I mean."

"No I don’t. I probably wouldn't have the guts to say this if we were face to face given your temper but you need to hear this." She took a deep breath as she mustered her courage. "I know he hurt you and that you think he used you but you brought a lot of that on yourself. You let him continue to treat you that way. Plus that was years ago. You need to let it go. I understand you were head over heels for him. I get that, I really do, but you haven't even really put yourself out there since. Not every guy in the world is going to hurt you."

I started to argue but she cut me off. "You turned your life around. You're smart, beautiful and successful. You have a wonderful son and while I don't understand why, you're close with your parents again."

I tried to speak again but she wasn't giving me a chance. "You surprised everyone. You deserve happiness more than anyone I know. You made mistakes and learned from them. You would NEVER allow yourself to make those mistakes again. You wouldn’t dare put Hunter in that situation. For the past twelve years you've devoted all you have to him and your job with no time left for yourself. It's time to quit your damn pity party and do something for yourself, if only for one night."

I could feel the tears well up in my eyes, she was right. Leave it to Ellie to take my turmoil and wrap it up into such a succinct package. "Since when did you start making so much sense this early in the morning?"

She released a relieved laugh, "Since my crazy cousin FINALLY came to her senses and moved home. Whatcha doing tonight? We can go out after I get off work."

"I’m supposed to meet a guy for drinks at six if Mom and Dad will watch Hunter again which they will probably will. I may swing by the club and wait for you if he turns out to be a dick."

"What guy? Who is he? Why didn’t you tell me?"

I couldn’t help but to giggle. "Slow down and take a breath. He’s the guy I was meeting with when I met Adam, his name is Kevin Snider." Ellie gasped when I mentioned Kevin’s name but I continued. "And I guess it slipped my mind since you were so busy telling me about Greg and then there was that train wreck that was Adam."

"Axis Music’s Kevin Snider?" Ellie asked eagerly.

Her reaction caught me by surprise. Kevin was a nice guy and kind of cute but not really anyone worthy of this type of response. Then again, he was right up her alley since she usually went for the young pretty boy types. "Yes, that’s him. Why do you say it like that? Do you know him?"

Ellie became emphatic. "Oh girl, he's only one of the hottest, most eligible men in town. You’re messing with me. He seriously asked you out?"

Ellie confirmed my feelings that I wasn’t anything special. "Why do you have to say it like that? Dang, I hope he was serious, I’d feel foolish going to the Palm by myself. Maybe I should call and cancel before I get stood up."

Ellie gasped, "The Palm? Oh hell, forget all about Zeus and what I said about just needing to get laid. You have a nibble from the biggest fish in the pond. Why in the world would you cancel?"

"You said, he’s one of the most eligible men in town. You make it sound like he can do better."

"Better than who?" Ellie wasn’t getting it.

I started to fill with dread that this might be cruel joke. "Better than me. You’re right. This is a bad idea. I’m going to call and cancel."

"Whoa. Back the truck up. When did I say it was a bad idea? I didn’t say any such thing. I’m happy he asked you out. I only meant that all the girls at work would love a chance at him and nobody ever hears of him dating. It makes sense he’d be picky and wait til he met someone like you."

My mood soured even more. Ellie worked as an exotic dancer, it paid damned good money and she enjoyed it. I would never do it again but I never once thought anything bad of her doing it. As a matter of fact, most of the friends I made since moving back had been her coworkers. My problem was not with the girls who danced there, I just never trusted guys who frequent places like that.

"Oh, he hangs out where you work?" I attempted for nonchalant and failed miserably.

"Yeah but he just watches. He comes in with some of the artists on his label. He’s a good tipper and is never forward with any of us and never gets a private dance."

I sighed again and Ellie noticed. "A lot of guys come into the club but that doesn’t mean they're bad people, you of all people should know that. Don’t judge him just because he comes here occasionally. Stop trying to talk yourself out of this. Go meet him, talk to him and you be the judge."

I laughed lightly. "Why do you always have to be right? I spent many blissful years in New York not knowing how wrong I always am."

The softness of my wonderful best friend's voice enveloped me like one of her hugs. "Because I know you better than you know yourself. I need to get going, it sounds like Greg's waking up and if I'm lucky he's gonna make my morning bright. Call me if you don’t come by tonight. Love you bunches and thanks again for my car."

What would I do without her? "You’re crazy and you’re welcome, love you too."

I grinned as I hit end on my phone but the smile was short-lived as I remembered my days as an exotic dancer…

---

"Do you have any extra cash?" My boyfriend asked as he started rummaging through my purse.

I shook my head. "No, it was a slow night at the club. Maybe if you got a job to help out we would not be broke all the time."

The back of his hand struck my cheek. "Don't get smart with me. You know I have to focus on my music."

I fell across our bed and cradled my face. "Get out! I don't need you."

He sat down next me. "Yes you do Bumpkin. You would be nothing without me. This is only temporary, as soon as we make it big you can relax in our huge mansion. Until then you need to pull your share. I have a friend who can give you an extra job. It won't be that hard and the money is great."

I looked up at him through my tears. "What will I be doing?"

He smiled as he leaned down to kiss me gently where he had struck me only moments before. "Just dancing sweetheart."

I frowned. "I don't want to do anything like that."

His hand started running up and down my back. "I know you don't but you love me don't you? "

I sighed as I rested my head on his shoulder. "You know I do."

"You have told me often that you would do anything for me. You need to do this so I can focus on my music. There are plenty of women who would happily do this for me but I picked you. Did I make the wrong choice?"

I started to cry. "No you didn't. I'll do it for you. I love you."

He smiled as he rose from the bed. "I know you do."

The next day I sat nervously at a makeshift makeup table wearing next to nothing trying to drink up enough courage to face the crowd of horny men waiting just outside the room. I took a deep breath as I heard my name being called to the main stage.

I timidly walked out trying to ignore the sounds of excited men trying to get my attention as I hugged the wall to make my way to the center of the large open room. I silently cursed Polina for ever putting me in a body that made having this job a possibility.

The sound of Motley Crue's Girls, Girls, Girls filled the speakers as the DJ called my name and introduced me to the crowd. I closed my eyes and pretended I was dancing for my boyfriend as I started to gyrate my hips in time with the loud metal music.

I knew I would never get used to feeling strange men groping me as they handed over small bills as a reward for my showing them a body I should have never had.

As soon as the song ended I walked swiftly back to the dressing room before I broke down in hysterics.

"You did really well for your first time." A woman said from behind me. "I broke down before the song ended my first night."

I dug my nails into my arm trying to tear away the skin that felt so dirty. "I hated it. I feel like I need to take a week long shower."

She nodded knowingly and handed me a light blue oval shaped pill. "Take this, it really helps."

I was desperate for anything to make the feelings go away. I popped the pill in my mouth and chased it down with my vodka and cranberry. "Thank you."

She rested a kind hand on my shoulder. "I know you don't want to hear this but it does get easier. Give the pill a chance to kick in then come on out, the real money is in private dances. I'll show you how to reel in the sharks."

I wiped away fresh tears as I jumped in the shower after my run. Sweat was not the only thing that I needed to wash away at that moment.

Chapter Eight

As soon as I stepped out onto the patio of the home I bought my parents a few years ago Hunter came running. "Mama, Mama, Mama."

Uh oh, he only called me Mama when he wanted something.

"Can I stay again tonight please? Papa said he has Titans tickets." My precious son said with his eyes wide in a pleading manner.

I raised an eyebrow and looked toward my father who was walking away from his bright blue 1978 Harley Davidson FXE Superglide Shovel Head with an awkward smile on his rugged face. I swear he spent every spare moment working on that bike or Big Red, his cherry red 1970 Olds Cutlass. More than once I had questioned which he loved more, me or them.

He had owned both as long as I could remember and both were in better condition than the day he bought them. If I had to guess, I'd say he'd choose his vehicles over me.

Robert Collins, or Daddy to me, was a large man, standing 6 foot 5 and weighing 350 lbs. His height, along with the many tattoos and deep booming voice always scared my friends. The fact he was usually a mean drunk back then didn't help either.

The thing was, now that he had been sober for fifteen years, he was just a big teddy bear. Too laid back for his own good. I had his eyes but his once black hair was now replaced with a bright white. If Daddy grew a beard he would have kids of the world handing him their Christmas list.

Daddy looked to me with trepidation. "Liberty, I know this is short notice but Snake called and said he couldn't make it and offered me the tickets."

It shouldn't bother me but I still could not really get used to being called by my middle name again. Everyone in my family called me Liberty or some variation and I always hated it. I finally managed to start going by Sara after I moved to New York but nobody would change how they addressed me after I moved back.

"Yeah I guess you're right. You don’t mind him spending another night?"

Daddy gawked at me as if I asked him if the earth was flat. "Mind? I never mind spending time with that boy, I just wish you'd come to your senses and moved home sooner. I never knew what I was missing until you two moved back." He pulled me in and kissed my forehead. "I can't begin to tell you how happy I am to have you home and back in my life."

I looked up at him apologetically. "I know Daddy, I’m sorry it took so long."

"I thought I heard you out here." Mom said as she stepped out from the garage.

Carol Collins, or Mom as I liked to call her, was as small as Daddy was large. She might have been five foot two if she wore heels and would barely weigh one hundred and ten pounds soaking wet. I was taller than her by the time I was ten. Her hair was still the same shade as mine used to be but her color now came from a bottle since I made her gray when I was in high school.

Mom was a little spitfire who would not hesitate to put up a fight if she thought she was right, hell, she'd put up a fight even if she was wrong. I think she just enjoyed confrontation. She was wound as tight as Daddy was laid back. I may have gotten most of my looks from my Daddy but my temper came straight from Mama.

My parents always made such an odd couple but I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

"I was coming to get Hunter but apparently he'd rather spend time with Papa than with me." I faked a pout in Hunter’s direction.

No need to tell them my real reason for coming over now.

"Don’t be that way Mom." Hunter exclaimed as he ran over to hug me, "I love you!"

"I’m just teasing baby." I ran my nails through the back of his hair scratching his head, he always loved it when I did that. "I love you too sweetheart."

He smiled up at me. "So can I stay Mom?" The single greatest accomplishment in my life had such happiness in his eyes that I could not have refused even if I wanted to.

"Of course you can but make sure Papa drops you off on the way home, do you hear me? You still have homework to do." I cut my eyes to Daddy so he knew that was more for his benefit than for Hunter.

They both nodded their head before Hunter hugged me even tighter, "Thanks Mom, You’re the best!"

I swatted his behind as he took off toward all the neighborhood kids who always seemed to congregate when Hunter was around. "Now, go play and I’ll see you tomorrow. Have fun. Love you."

He yelled over his shoulder since he was already halfway across the yard. "Love you too."

Mom walked over and put her arm around my waist. She wore a contented smile as she gazed at her grandson playing with his friends. "God I just love that boy."

I looked at my son running and having fun and it warmed my heart. "Me too, I didn’t know it was possible to love someone so much."

A tear formed in her eye as she watched her only grandson play football with his friends. "Believe me. I understand."

I gently squeezed Mom’s hand. "I’m sorry."

I moved away from home before I could graduate high school. I thought we had a good life until Mom and Daddy separated right before he accidently killed that man. Everything crumbled after that because Mom was too focused on her grief and anger, she spent as much time in a bottle as she did trying to be a parent and that did not change after I did.

When I was growing up, instead of trying to be supportive and understanding I went wild. Mom had big plans for her only child but I fought her at every turn. She didn’t like my friends, my clothes, or my taste in music. I didn't like her waking up every morning and pouring herself a drink. I was mad that she had kicked Daddy out for drinking too much then she started doing the very same thing.

It was like we had no common ground whatsoever. The one thing we did agree upon was our desire to tear each other apart. I used words to hurt her while she used her hands. Our matching fiery tempers made for many rough nights with me ending up with more than my share of bruises. As a result, when the time came where I could escape I ran as fast as I could, as far as I could.

I was always headstrong and independent. I blamed it on my middle name and on Daddy raising me more as a son than a daughter. I marched to the beat of my own drummer. The stories I could tell from back in high school were how I went from that cute quiet blonde girl to that crazy dark haired Goth chick who always wore black and had heavy eye makeup. I caused trouble in school, never hesitating to fight anyone, boys included, if I thought they were out of line.

I decided to embrace my misfit status and fought anybody who picked on another simply because they were considered different.

I had told the story enough that the memory seemed real whenever I used to tell people about how I had terrible taste in boys. If there were one jerk in a roomful of fifty nice guys I would find him easily. Usually I would pick him out because he would be the one with long hair, muscles and tattoos. I definitely had a type back then. Always being singled out for being the tallest and the skinniest girl in class damaged my self-esteem; it didn't help when puberty hit me sooner than the other girls. I was treated like an outsider so instead of trying to fit in, I embraced my misfit status and inevitably found myself drawn to guys who strayed from the norm.

My parents reunited soon after Daddy was released from prison and I barely spoke to them for many years. Instead of calling me lazy and saying I need to take care of her, she would often call me a drunk slut who refused to spare a dime for her family.

It wasn’t until I became pregnant with Hunter that the ice between us began to thaw. When I eventually told Mom, she asked me to come home immediately, but the damage between us was too great and my pride, as well as, my independent spirit would not allow it. I was stubborn and refused to allow anyone, especially her, to take care of me. I got myself into it and I would get myself out.

Mom wiped away a stray tear before adopting her patented ‘No Worries’ face then turned and patted the back of my hand. "I'm sorry too. We both made mistakes back then, me more than you. We paid for them and now we're good again. Let’s not open old wounds." She pulled me down to her so she could kiss me on the cheek before she continued, "What are you going to do with yourself tonight since we have Hunter?"

We never had a typical mother/daughter relationship. We were more like good friends and I debated whether to tell Mom my plans.

I decided to be honest. "Actually I was coming over to see if Hunter could spend the night again but he beat me to it. I’m meeting a guy for drinks and depending how that goes I may or may not go see Ellie after she gets off work."

All our family, except Daddy, thinks Ellie works as a waitress at a bar downtown. Daddy recently found out after going out riding with a few friends on his scooter and they stopped into the bar she worked at for a little while the first weekend I moved back to town. I wish I could say I wasn't there to calm him down when she came on stage but then again I think the shock of seeing me there saved my dear cousin's life. After a lot of begging and pleading he finally agreed not to tell anyone.

If he ever found out how she first stepped into that world he'd kill me…

The day Ellie graduated she hopped on a bus to California and one day I came home from work to find her sitting in the hall outside my door.

I was ecstatic to have her close but tried my best to talk her out of it when she followed me to the club I danced in. When I saw there would be no changing her mind I took her under my wing and I cried as much as I did my first time when I saw her debut performance.

Sadly, because of my assistance, she became one of the most popular dancers they had.

Mom’s eyes lifted in surprise. "A date? Do tell."

I rolled my eyes and braced for the inquisition that was to come. "No no, not a date. Just meeting a guy for a drink. I don't want to commit to a date until I know if I like him."

Mom’s eyes filled with amusement. "Only you would consider drinks like an interview."

I slapped her shoulder playfully. "Stop laughing at me. He's a client for my company I’m not even sure it’s a good idea but he was very persuasive."

"Persuasive huh? I like him already. What does he do?"

"He’s in the music business."

Mom rolled her eyes. "Of course he is, every unmarried man in this town is in the music business."

Experience taught me that if I allowed this conversation to continue Mom would have me walking down the aisle before I left so I needed to get out of there. I kissed the top of her head. "I gotta go before you start picking out china patterns, I’m supposed to meet him in a couple of hours and still have a few errands to run before I get ready."

She frowned. "What's wrong with wanting you to be happy?"

"I am happy. You have your grandson so quit nagging me to get a husband."

Suddenly we heard the back door slam followed by Daddy's loud cursing before he yelled. "Carol can you get me a rag and a band aid?"

"Dammit Rob, you're helpless. I'm busy talking to Lib. They're in the bathroom under the sink get them yourself."

I laughed. "See what I mean? I only have to chase after Hunter and he's controllable."

Mom smirked and made it blatantly obvious she was only placating me. "Whatever you say sweetheart, I'll try not to laugh when he becomes a teenager. And I'll have you know there will be a day when you'll meet a man who will cause you to happily drop everything when he says your name."

I rolled my eyes. "If you say so Mom. I need to go."

She winked at me. "Okay, love you, I’ll call tomorrow but not too early just in case."

I giggled as I turned to leave. "I love you too and we'll ignore that last part."

I stuck my head in the bathroom and kissed my father. "That doesn't look too bad. I'm leaving, love you Daddy."

Daddy focused on what could best be described as a papercut as he responded. "Love you too Liberty. If it's not raining tomorrow I'm going to take the 911. Hunter's been after me forever to take him for a spin. Is that okay?"

I wasn't fond of the idea of my beautiful car being stuck in a parking lot for a few hours downtown and then getting jammed in traffic afterwards so I grinned at him playfully. "Yeah it's fine so long as I can take out Big Red."

Daddy laughed. "Well I guess we'll take the truck then."

I pretended to be offended. "What? You don't trust me?"

He shook his head. "It's not that. I trust you completely Baby Girl, it's just that I don't let anybody drive her but me."

I smiled. "I know. If Hunter wants to ride in it just take him for a spin tonight. Think of it like this… Would you drive Big Red in game day traffic?"

Daddy smiled. "No. It was a dumb idea, I was just thinking out loud cause Hunter's been asking about it so much."

I laughed lightly. "I dread when he turns sixteen. That will be the one thing I'll have to say no to."

Daddy chuckled. "That boy already has plans on it but that's too much car."

I kissed him again before I turned toward the door. "It definitely is but we still have three years and a week to worry about it. See ya tomorrow."

I waved to Hunter once I walked out the back door. He was at the back corner of my parent's yard playing football with a group of his friends while quite a few of the neighborhood girls looked on vying for my son's attention.

He stopped playing and took off towards me at a full run. I almost fell from the force once he reached me and wrapped me up in full hug. "Thanks for moving here Mom, thanks for everything. I love you."

I melted on the spot and poured all the love I had for my only child into the embrace. With a tear of joy in the corner of my eye I replied, "I love you too."

He released me and took off to rejoin his friends. I lingered for a moment just to watch and bask in one of those moments that, as a parent, you never forget.

He stopped abruptly and turned to face me again. "The guys are wanting to start a band and want me to be the lead singer and guitarist. Can I Mom?"

I laughed; I should have known he had ulterior motives. "So that's why I got the hug?"

Hunter quickly dashed back to my side. "No Mom, I meant everything but can I please join?"

I looked into the young and still pure version of my own eyes that were pleading for me to say yes. I knew a love of music was in his soul, he couldn't have avoided it even if he wanted too. It was in his blood. "Of course you can."

"Sweet! Thanks Mom!" He yelled out to his friends. "She said yes!"

I couldn't contain my amusement watching his friends meet him as he made his way back to the game with high-fives. I had to hurry around the corner when I heard one of his older friends say "Dude, your mom is kinda hot."

I pretended I didn't see Hunter punch him for saying it.

Chapter Nine

I nervously pulled my chili red Mini Cooper S into the parking lot. My Mini was one of the first things I bought when I moved home. I could easily afford a nicer car but I loved my Mini. It was cute, nimble, quick and small enough to fit into most parking spots.

In New York I had no need for a car and had forgotten how much I loved to drive. When I was a teenager, driving was my escape and my freedom. One of my happiest memories was the day Daddy found a used 1984 Pontiac Fiero in a junk yard that we planned to fix up. It took a lot of work on my part but oh it was perfect and that car took me places, including all the way to L.A.

I cried all day the day it broke down and I couldn't afford to fix it. I spent three hours on the phone with my father that night while he calmed me down, he was the only person who understood my attachment to a mechanical object.

Other than when I ran, I did my best thinking in my car.

I checked out my makeup in the mirror. "Well, you look as good as you can look."

I was wearing my little black dress. It had become my favorite fallback for when I wasn't sure what to wear. It matched almost any social occasion. It was shiny satin and low cut with spaghetti straps. I accented it with a silver bolero jacket and a simple silver chain.

Even though Kevin was shorter than myself, I felt comfortable breaking out my silver Jimmy Choo’s because he didn't seem the type to be intimidated with my height. They were the only expensive shoes I owned. I received them from a friend in New York who was gifted them after doing a modeling shoot. I drooled over the exquisite items so often I think she either took pity on me or had grown tired of cleaning my saliva off them. I never asked which since I was so happy they were finally mine.

"You ready for this?" I said to myself before closing my mirror and stepping out of the car to greet Arhan.

I met Arhan soon after I moved to town and started doing business downtown. He ran the lot I preferred to park at. It was convenient to everywhere I needed to go in the area and much safer than the parking garages. I had no idea where in the Middle East Arhan was from but I loved his accent. He stood 5 foot 10 with dark skin, brown eyes and jet-black hair that he kept brushed to the right side.

He approached me with a broad smile that even on my roughest days made me feel happy. "Ah ha Sara, I was hoping to see you tonight. You look so sexy, where is hug for Arhan?"

Arhan always had a parking spot for available for me. Even when the lot was full he would make a spot to park and beside the normal parking fee he only asked for a hug in return.

"Hey Arhan" I gave him the required hug which I never minded in the slightest. "How are you? Anything big going on tonight?"

"I am good now that I have seen a beauty such as yours." His look became serious. "There is some rock music concert happening so you be careful, odd looking people have been walking about, many of them had crazy tattoos and piercings in strange places. You listen to Arhan."

I could not help but to laugh at his take on the type of people who would attend a rock concert. "I will, thanks hon."

---

When I walked into the Palm I noticed Kevin right away. I may have been overdressed again since he was wearing dark blue jeans, a tight black tee shirt and a pair of cowboy boots.

After I thought about it I realized I was back in the south, good jeans and clean boots was considered dressing up. I should be thankful he did not break out his good NASCAR cap.

His shocked expression was troubling. I had no idea if the look he wore was good or bad so I fidgeted nervously and licked my lips as I always did when I was ill at ease until his appearance changed to one of admiration. I felt my cheeks redden under his gaze.

He quickly rose and motioned for me to join him at the bar.

As I approached he held his hand out to mine, "Wow Sara, you are simply stunning. Please have a seat."

I took a seat on the barstool. "Thank you, I believe I'm overdressed."

"No, not at all. You look fantastic. Would you like to get a table or is this ok?" He was obviously staring as I crossed my legs.

I smiled timidly as I attempted to gather my wits. "I'm good here but whichever you prefer is fine."

He couldn't have broadcasted what he was thinking any louder with the way he was looking everywhere on my body except my face. "I think I prefer here so I can look at your legs if for no other reason."

Maybe he could.

I felt myself flushing, I was doing that a lot lately. "Um, okay then. I guess we will stay here."

It was Kevin’s turn to blush. "Oh my God, I can’t believe I just said that. I apologize. I did it again. I seem to forget my manners around you." His brown eyes echoed his apology.

I smiled warmly since he looked so embarrassed that I could tell he wanted the floor to swallow him up. "It’s fine, no need to apologize for a compliment which is how I took it." Compared to things guys used to say to me in LA what he said was rather tame and I was the last person who could fault someone whose mouth spoke without input from the brain.

Kevin’s youthful eyes visibly relaxed. "Thank you, what would you like to drink?"

I felt the need to take it easy after the wild night prior. "A white Zinfandel please."

"Very well, would you like a menu as well? Surely you are hungry?"

His eagerness was apparent and slightly disconcerting. "Let’s start with the drink and go from there"

Kevin’s eyes betrayed him. "Yes, that sounds great." For a brief moment he looked like a sad child. That was definitely not a look I found attractive in a man.

"Tell me Sara, how long have you lived around here?"

Uhg, time for small talk.

Kevin looked as thrilled about it as I did. I knew he wanted make a good impression but it was my belief we passed that stage during lunch. I wanted to bypass all this "get to know you" junk and get back to the discussions we were having the day prior.

I half-heartedly answered his query. "I grew up here but moved away when I was sixteen. I've only been back a couple of months."

His brow lifted. "Oh really? I had no idea. You've lost your accent completely. I would have guessed you from the Midwest. Who could have presumed you're actually a southern belle."

I grimaced. I hate being called that but I explained my accent to him. "I moved to LA when I was sixteen and people teased me a lot about it. To avoid a repeat as soon as I moved to New York, I worked hard with a dialect coach. Between the lessons and twelve years there it disappeared completely." I held my wine up, "But if I have too much of this or get really mad it comes back full force."

As his focus sharpened I knew I had caught Kevin’s genuine interest. "What brought you back to Tennessee? Your family?"

I rolled my eyes. "No not my family. They were why I left in the first place. It was work, believe it or not. I had basically worked every job in the company when I became the personal assistant to Gabriel Moretti, the president of the company, who I've known for years. At first I thought it was a demotion but he said he did it to teach me everything about management. Mr. Moretti claimed I knew as much about the business as he did when he offered me an ownership stake if I would move down here to head up the Nashville office. Unconventional, I'll admit, but that's how I ended up here."

His brows rose slightly. "Sixteen seems abit young to strike out on your own."

I don't know why I felt comfortable talking to Kevin but this part of my life flowed from my mouth rather easily. "I didn't exactly have the best home life at the time."

Kevin stared at me intently, "A Tennessee girl, born and bred, who runs off to LA and then later relocates to New York. I never would have pictured you as the adventurous type. It takes courage to do something like that. Did you want to become an actress?"

I shook my head. "A model actually. One day I was walking through the mall and this guy approached me. He told me that with my height and build I could make a good living as a model. He gave me a card for an agency based in LA and asked me to give him a call on the following Monday. I did some test shots with a local photographer and the agency offered me a contract."

I smiled at that memory. I was so excited and so naive back then. If that happened today I would have accepted the card then thrown it away the first chance I had, figuring it was a lame pick-up attempt.

Kevin’s curiosity was definitely piqued. "So you just decided to up and move after you got a contract?"

"Yes, I was very much a wildchild back then. My parents and I didn't get along and it was my opportunity to get away from here."

"Did the agency know you were so young?"

"No. It's amazing how far a fake ID and the right build can take a person. Besides, I was so tall that it never crossed anyone's mind that I was so young."

He appeared confused. "And your parents didn't come to get you?"

I shook my head again. "No. My mother didn't care and my dad was in no position to fight me about it. I almost think it was a relief for them to have me out of their hair."

Kevin's eyes filled with sadness. "It had to be scary."

I shook my head again, "Actually not as much as you’d think. I was more excited than scared. I had all these illusions of grandeur. It was a fresh start. The agency gave me a new name and a new look as soon as I got there. I was expecting ‘Lifestyles Of The Rich and Famous’ to greet me as I arrived"

"So did it work out the way you had hoped?" Kevin noticed my drink was empty. "Oh, would you like another Zinfandel?"

"Yes please and no it didn’t, not even close. As typical for me back then I fell in with the wrong crowd. I did manage quite a few music video shoots. I mainly paid my bills by working at a small dive bar but the shoots came in handy for extra cash. It was fun for awhile."

That’s as sugar coated and vague as I could get. So what if I left out a few details and glossed over others. It wasn't any of his business.

Kevin slyly placed his hand on my knee. "What bar did you work at?"

I chuckled at the memory as I gently removed his hand and held it in order to keep it from wandering again. "A little dump of a place called The Tipsy, it was filthy, the customers were rowdy and I loved it."

The Tipsy was a total dive. It made Anthracite look like a five star establishment. What it lacked in size and class, it more than made up for with attitude. Most of the big time rock bands of the early to mid nineties had played there at some point when they started out. It was a fun place to work at for the most part and I met a ton of cool and interesting people plus more than my share of rock legends. If I ever wrote a book about my time there most people would swear it was a work of fiction.

Kevin’s eyes widened with what could best be described as a confirmation of something. "You mentioned it at lunch but I never imagined you actually worked at the Tipsy. That was THE place to be. I bet you've met all the greats."

His entire demeanor switched from suave businessman trying to act cool to one resembling Hunter when he became wound up and it confused the heck out of me.

"You've heard of it?" I was bewildered that anyone outside of the scene back then would know of that small hole in the wall.

"Heard of it? It was only one of the most influential bars of its time. You probably know all the legends. I bet you have some awesome stories. I have a couple of artists signed to my label that used to be into that scene back then and have since gone country. They've told me some tales but I bet they pale next to the ones you have." Kevin was as excited as a person could be without combusting.

I laughed. "Yeah I probably do but I'm not sure how many of them I’d legally be able to share."

Conversations about myself always made me uncomfortable. This conversation, in particular had me ready to flee, he actually knew people who I might have known. He left little doubt that he wanted to dig into my past and that is one mine that has been closed from any exploration. "Enough about me, tell me about you, where are you from?"

Kevin's shoulders slumped. "Not much to tell here, I grew up in Florida, Boca Raton to be exact. My parents worked for IBM. I was abit of a nerd but always loved music. I moved to Nashville to be a musician and quickly found out I was better at nurturing other's talent than of my own." His eyes developed a cloud over them. It was obvious he didn’t want to talk about himself either.

"You don’t look like a nerd to me, why would you say that?" I lied since I could totally see him as a nerd back in high school. I had to admit though, he grew up nicely.

Kevin jumped slightly and swore to himself as he fished his phone out of his pocket before apologizing and answering.

"Yeah, what’s up?… What do you mean he’s refusing?… Damn I’m busy, can’t you do it?" Kevin listened while his face contorted to a fretful look. I found his anxiousness cute until suddenly he became crestfallen before sighing into the phone, "I understand, give me about 30 minutes and I’ll take care of it."

He hit end on his phone before he glanced to me apologetically. "I'm having a great time, a really great time but one of my artists is having a temper tantrum and says he'll only talk to me. Is there a chance I could ask for a rain check on the rest of this evening?"

A part of me breathed a sigh of relief that the night was ending quickly with his desire to talk about my time in LA but another part wanted to get to know the man I caught a glimpse of at lunch. I smiled warmly and placed my hand over his. "Yes, I'd like that. Do you still have my number?"

The sparkle crept back in his eyes as he pulled me tightly in an embrace and leaned forward for a kiss. "I do and I'll make sure to use it very soon."

My body went rigid as I casually turned my head to the side so his lips met my cheek. "I look forward to it."

---

As I took my usual seat at the bar which was normally reserved for dancers at Charley’s Cabaret, the most upscale gentleman’s club in town, I was greeted by Tina. Her dark blue eyes twinkled with suppressed amusement and her full bright red lips twitched into a sly grin. "Hey girl, now I know why you called me last night."

Tina was three years older than myself and befriended me the first night I went out with Ellie after I moved back. She was the main reason I enjoyed waiting at the club.

I smirked as I leaned across the bar to give her a hug. "Yeah, I didn't tell her how I found out though so you're safe."

Tina laughed as she went back to mixing a drink. "No I'm not. I told on myself without even meaning to. As soon as she walked in I asked her why you'd want to know and she screamed 'So that's how she found out.' It was pretty funny." She pushed the drink she had been making toward me. "I assumed you'd want the usual."

One margarita wasn't going to lead to another crazy night.

I glanced around the almost empty club noticing how dead it was. I sipped the strawberry margarita. "Thanks. It looks like a slow night. I guess it'll pick up after the concert lets out."

She tilted her head from side to side causing her light brown ponytail to jump from one shoulder to the other. "I sure hope so. This is sooo boring right now."

I smirked at her, "Gee thanks, I enjoy your company too!"

Tina tossed her bar towel at me. "You know what I mean! I always like it when you're here to keep me company. So what’s this I hear about you and Kevin Snider?"

My eyes narrowed and I threw her towel back at her. "Ellie has a big mouth!"

Tina laughed loudly, "No, she didn’t say anything. Amber stopped by to see her boyfriend, who's a waiter at The Palm and saw you two sitting all cozy at the bar holding hands. So what is the deal with you two?"

"There's no deal between us, he's a client and asked me out for a drink. I held his hand to keep it from wandering. That’s it."

Tina glanced at my dress then looked at me incredulously. "Uh huh. You expect me to believe you dressed like that for a business meeting?"

I started to stammer, "Well, uh, I don’t know what it was but I only met him yesterday. He seems okay I guess."

Tina laughed at my discomfort and began to speak again when we heard someone yell, "Liberty!!!"

I turned away from Tina and toward Ellie who was running full speed in my direction, quite the feat in six-inch platforms.

"Details, I want details! How’d it go with sexy music guy? Please don't tell me he's a dick and that's why you're here."

I gave her my ‘shush up' look. "No, he's nice enough I guess. A little handsy and alot nosey but I've had worse dates. It was going okay til one of his artists suffered some sort of meltdown and he had to leave to sort them out."

Ellie’s face fell. "I’m sorry, I was hoping you’d have fun."

I smiled, hoping to lift her spirits. "I think I did, we were having a nice talk before he got the call. He insisted on a rain check and said he'll call me again soon."

Ellie lit up again. "Great, so what'd you two talk about?"

"Can you believe he's heard of the Tipsy?"

"No way! How can he know about that dump?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don’t know but he asked where I worked at in LA and when I told him he got all excited, he wanted me to tell him stories from there."

Ellie started laughing. "Oh Lord, I hope you didn’t tell him any. I doubt he’d believe them anyways, I was there and still don’t believe half the stuff we saw."

"I think he’d believe them, he says he has friends that hung out there back then and he's already heard a few but are you kidding? I’m not about to tell him anything."

Ellie suddenly looked concerned. "You don't think he knows do you?"

I thought for a second. "Maybe but I don't think so. I think I'd be able to tell if he did. There's no way someone can hide not knowing that."

Ellie’s eyebrows lifted as she nudged me with her shoulder. "Ain't that the truth? So do you like him?"

I felt myself blush. "Well yeah, I guess so. He’s kinda cute and seems nice."

She launched into me almost knocking me off my stool when she gave me a hug. "It’s about time! I gotta run, my next set starts in ten. I’ll be off in an hour or so."

"Sounds good I’ll be right here."

I turned back toward Tina and she had the silliest look on her face. When I was about to ask her about it I felt a pair of strong arms snake around my neck as a deep voice caused my nether regions to take notice. "Hey sexy, you look fantastic and I think you still owe me a thank you."

I dropped my head. I did not want to deal with this tonight.

Life Renewed Chapters 10-19

Author:

StefB

Caution:

Audience Rating:

Mature Subjects (pg15)

Publication:

Novel Chapter

Genre:

Character Age:

Mature / Thirty+

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

sm life-renewed.jpg

Life Renewed (Chapters 10-19)

By StefB

This is the second part of a new storyline taking place within my Goddess Realm. It is not necessary to read Saved by a Goddess or Saved By a Goddess: Gifts to enjoy this story but admittedly it does help and is recommended.

Thank You LorasPa6 for your wonderful help editing and being there to bounce ideas off of.

Chapter Ten

I looked to Tina for some type of assistance while trying gather my composure but she was no help at all, she just stared at Adam all googly-eyed.

I forced a smile as I sat up straight before cocking my head around to look up at his perfect face. I summoned the sweetest voice I could muster. "You are absolutely right, what are you drinking?"

"Jack and Coke babe." Adam replied with a grin that might have caused someone to need to mop the floor beneath me if I weren't still mad at him.

I snapped my fingers in Tina’s face to get her to focus on me. She was so obvious I couldn’t help but to laugh. "Hey! Zeus needs a Jack and Coke, put it on my tab."

Adam’s eyes narrowed at me. "That was not what I had in mind."

I smiled innocently but he couldn't miss the contempt in my eyes, "I know full well what you had in mind but this is the least I could do for the great Zeus."

His voice rose slightly, "And just what is that supposed to mean?"

I rolled my eyes and waved my hand in front of me dismissively, "Oh nothing at all. I just figured after I left last night Britney gave you all the thanks you needed. I assumed you got that itch scratched didn't you? I mean she looked ready and willing to stow your thunderbolt."

His reaction left little doubt to the fact that I managed to get under his skin. He looked as if he was going to pop. The fire in his eyes matched the flames tattooed on his biceps.

Anger and frustration were apparent as he spoke. Spoke might be an understatement, actually he screamed at me. "What did I do to you? I bought you a few drinks. BIG DEAL! YOU were the one who hit on me last night… It was YOU who walked up behind me and put YOUR arms around MY neck… It was YOU who nibbled on MY ear… It was YOU who initiated the kiss with ME. In fact I believe YOU pulled ME closer, so tell me Sara just what have I done to deserve your contempt?"

He moved suddenly and I flinched when he grabbed his drink, sloshing part of it onto the bar, before turning away. "And thank you for the drink. Have a nice night Miss Collins."

Wow, I did NOT expect that. I felt as if I had been slapped. He was absolutely right; he had done nothing wrong at all. He only responded to signals I had given and I was projecting my past experiences on him. I felt tears starting to form in the corners of my eyes and sniffled trying to hold them back when Tina pushed another margarita to me before wiping off the bar where Adam had spilled part of his Jack and Coke.

"Here Libs I think you need this. I have to tell you, I've known Zeus for years. He may not look it but he's a great guy. Every girl who meets him falls under his spell and lays at his feet, except you. I may be out of line but weren't you kinda cold to him?" Tina stopped long enough to hand a customer a beer before she continued, "I don’t know what's going on with you two, and I’m not sure I want to know. Please correct me if I'm speaking out of turn but weren’t you a little harsh? I mean you're one of the sweetest people I've ever met and you just went full on bitch on him."

Tina was right. I was being awful. I was directing all my anger in his direction unjustly.

Why is it ever since I laid eyes on that man everything I do is wrong? I took a deep breath to reign in my emotions. "Thanks, I think I owe him an apology. Don’t let anyone get my seat."

Tina smiled warmly, "Gotcha girlfriend."

When I approached Adam’s table I noticed he was with three rough looking guys who were having a great time. There were 5 girls at the table focusing on his friends. To say Adam looked unhappy would be the understatement of all time. I walked up behind him and tapped his shoulder. He greeted me with such a glare I felt myself cower.

"Can we talk?" I asked timidly, "I owe you an apology."

His anger softened somewhat but did not dissipate. "I guess." He stood then nodded toward the front door.

I meekly followed until we were standing outside and I stood nervously looking up at him. After taking a deep breath I started rambling. "I have no excuse for how I've acted and I really am sorry. You only acted on the cues I gave you. I was out of line but I need you to understand that you are everything I find physically attractive in a man and I let that desire get the best of me last night."

I held my hand up to stop him when it appeared he was about to speak. I needed to get everything out before I lost my nerve. "And you're also every man who has ever hurt me. I projected the anger and hurt of my past onto you and that was unfair. I really hope you can forgive me. I’m not some psychotic bitch who gets her kicks by leading men on all night only to leave them in a huff. I feel terrible about this. What can I do to make it up to you?"

I took a breath and his eyes softened with understanding. Kevin may have been cute but Adam was breathtaking.

So what if he was just a doorman at a club, I make more than enough money and it’s not like I’m going to marry him. Okay I may have a problem with all his groupies but I usually just have to sneer at other girls and they scatter. It was another advantage to being an Amazon.

Adam smiled at me with such kindness that it warmed my cold heart. "How about we start over?" He extended his right hand. "Hello my name is Adam Carson it's very nice to meet you."

"Hi Adam, my name is Sara Collins and the pleasure is mine." I was giggling as I placed my hand in his. I loved how his large palm made mine look tiny in comparison.

"Miss Collins I have to be back at the club in a hour or so. It would be an honor if you would accompany me to grab a bite to eat before I go."

I nodded graciously, "I'd be honored. Let get my purse from Tina and pay my tab then I'll be ready."

I was as happy at that moment as I was upset not five minutes prior.

Adam turned toward the door. "I'll inform my associates then call us a cab."

I shook my head. "No need for a cab, my car is around back."

He held the door open for me to enter. "Great, then I'll be waiting for you right here."

I rushed to Tina and delight radiated from every pore of my body. "I need to settle up and tell Ellie to text me when she gets out tonight. Adam and I are going to grab a bite to eat."

When Tina handed my credit card and receipts back she was wearing an odd grin and shaking her head from side to side.

"What?" I asked defensively.

"You've gone from no dates to two dates in one day. Dates with two of the most desired men in town no less." She sniffed then faked wiping away a tear with her bar rag. "My little girl is growing up so fast."

I stuck my tongue out as signed one receipt and pushed it toward her and placed the other in my purse. A silly laugh escaped my lips. "I may be out late Mom, don’t wait up!" I tossed air kisses her way as I walked away.

She laughed as she returned them, "Bye babe."

When I stepped out of the club Adam was waiting as promised. Actually, better than promised, leaning with his broad back against a pillar smoking a cigarette with one of his long legs cocked beneath his perfect butt for support. An otherworldly glow surrounded him from the setting sun behind his back.

The scene momentarily took my breath away. It has to be a crime to look that good without trying.

He appeared to be deep in thought so I dug a penny out of my purse and placed it in his free hand. He looked at me puzzled.

"It’s for your thoughts."

He laughed and shook his head. "Oh it was nothing important."

"You ready to go or do you need to finish your smoke?"

Adam flipped his cigarette in the receptor, then turned to me and bowed. "After you my lady."

Walking behind the club I hit my key fob to unlock the doors to my Mini.

Adam smiled as he opened my door for me. "Nice car, my best friend had a grey one as a rental and a neighbor has one almost identical."

I laughed watching this hulking specimen of a man fold himself into my tiny car as I sat down and started it. As usual for when I'm driving alone my CD player was turned up loud. Adam reached across and turned it down.

"Sorry about that. Not a fan of Xenolith?" I asked. They were my favorite band at the moment. They had a retro feel that was close to the music I listened to when I was in high school. I also loved how they also incorporated theatrics into their act. Every member of the band wore wild makeup or masks to hide their identity. They claimed it allowed them to focus on the music.

Adam chuckled, "They're not bad. I just never would have pictured you as a fan. Not many people in the U.S. have even heard of them."

I laughed. "My son turned me onto them. He's a huge fan. His favorite is the guitar player who dresses in a toga. He's such a fan I've bought him a guitar just like that guy uses for his birthday next week."

Adam smiled shyly, "Yeah, a lot of people like that guy I think. What other music do you listen to?"

I tossed Adam my CD case as I pulled out on the street. "Pick anything you like. Call me old school but nothing quite feels like pulling out the liner notes to read while listening. How does Italian sound to you?"

Adam looked through the case. "I couldn't agree more. Italian sounds great. You have wonderful taste in music. I may want to borrow a few of these. Not to make copies but just to listen."

I pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant, which was only a block away. "Help yourself."

I've never seen a man move as fast as Adam did when I parked. Before I had a chance to remove my seatbelt he was already out of the car and opening the driver's side door for me.

I smiled brightly. "Aren't you the gentleman? Thank you."

He placed his hand in the small of my back. "I have my moments."

I eyed him amusingly. "I'm sure you do."

His laughter was boisterous as he held the door open. "I can be a gentleman when a lady is worthy of such attention."

I bumped his shoulder as we made our way to the table. "So how do you decide who is worthy?"

His brows rose as he smirked. "I don't. Most women let me treat them however I want but once in a while I will meet one who will let me know I'm being an ass."

I blushed. "Is that what you think I did last night?"

His tempting dark chocolate eyes studied me for a moment as he pulled out my chair. "Yes and even then I didn't get the hint. You had to give me another slap today for me to realize that if ever there was a woman worthy of being treated with respect, it is you."

His words were unexpected and caught me completely off guard. I couldn't help but to place my palm on his cheek as I smiled up at him. "Thank you."

I stared at him as he quickly moved to take his seat opposite me. Gone was the arrogant, tough, self-assured, beautiful man who had women falling over themselves to be near him and in his stead was simply a man. An unbelievably gorgeous man, but a man nonetheless.

He started to squirm under my scrutiny and reached into his pocket before presenting me a penny. "For your thoughts. I have to know."

I smiled and continued to gaze at him unabashed. "You are nothing like I initially thought."

He picked up his menu to hide his face. "What were your thoughts?"

I laughed and removed the menu to regain my view of his delicious eyes. "I thought you were bad news and I needed to run as fast as I could."

He frowned slightly. "You're not altogether wrong. Why didn't you?"

I shrugged. "I let Ellie talk me into it."

He didn't seem convinced. "I don't believe that. You don't look like the type who can be talked into doing something you don't want to do."

I frowned and looked out the picture window. "You'd be surprised what I've let people talk me into."

Thankfully the waiter interrupted our conversation to take our order. He was quite friendly and endeavored to impress us with a lame attempt at speaking Italian. Adam didn't attempt to hide his amusement when the waiter became tongue tied after I spoke it back to him fluently.

"You are a very fascinating person." Adam said as we were waiting for our meals.

I twisted the napkin I had placed in my lap. "What do you mean?"

"Well, so far I have met four different versions of you. Each one quite interesting by themselves." Adam paused and the smile that crossed his lips was beyond compare. "But none of then shocked me more than you did at the club. I was sitting in there trying to talk a band into performing and look over at the bar. To my astonishment, there you were carrying on with the girls like they were your best friends. I think seeing Mother Theresa sitting on stage in sparkly pasties would have surprised me less. Were you there to see Elle?"

It did not take me long to realize how different Adam was from my initial thoughts. He was honest and direct. He was more perceptive that he let on and was not going to play any more games.

I nodded my head, "Yes, Ellie's my cousin and best friend. We grew up together and have been through so much. I'm friends with a lot of the girls so I sometimes hang out while waiting so we can go out afterwards." I paused to take a drink before addressing the rest of what he said.

"I believe I explained my behavior a few minutes ago at the club. I may go into more detail at a later date but I'm not comfortable doing so right now. I will say that I have my reasons for being how I am."

Adam leaned back in his seat. "Elle is your cousin? You two sound nothing alike." He looked at me bemused. "So are you from here too?"

I laughed. "Yes, born and raised but I moved away as soon as I could." I went on to explain how I ended up moving home.

"What do you do?"

"I am an executive vice-president for Moretti and Associates."

Adam appeared impressed. "You can't be as old as I am and yet you hold a prestigious job."

I laughed lightly and I gave him a confused expression, "How old do you think I am Adam?"

Without hesitation or any hint of fabrication he replied. "Yesterday at lunch I would have said twenty nine or thirty but now my guess is twenty five or so."

My laughter intensified. "Bless your heart. That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me in a long time."

Confusion was the prominent emotion radiating from this gorgeous man when he next spoke. "How old are you then?"

I was basking in the moment and enjoying every sweet second of his bewilderment. "Now Adam, you know never to ask such things. I'll give you a hint. My son is about to be thirteen in less than a week and I was far from a teenager when I became pregnant."

I watched him do the math in his head with great amusement. His look intensified and he steered the topic away from my age. "Are you dating Kevin?"

I shook my head. "No, it was a business meeting. We are hoping to do business with his record label."

"Did he give you the contract?"

I stared at him defiantly. "What? Why do you want to know that?"

"Just curious, pieces to the puzzle."

"You don't like Kevin do you?"

Adam shrugged. "I don't trust him, he always has a hidden agenda. Do you have any other kids?" Adam's change of direction startled me again. Maybe he was testing his boundaries.

I shook my head. "Just Hunter. He’s my world. Do you have any kids?"

"Not that I am aware of." He laughed at what he perceived as a witty reply before firing his next question. "How long have you been divorced?"

I shook my head again. "Never married. Don't believe in it. You?"

His brows escalated and he leaned forward. "I've been divorced a year and a half. You get more interesting by the minute."

That answer didn't ring true so I chose to ignore the last part of his reply. I decided he had asked enough and it was my turn for questions.

I leaned forward til our noses almost touched mid-table. "A year and a half huh? I don't think it's been that long. Her idea or yours?"

He did not look happy that I commandeered the direction of our discussion. He paused and his scowled deepened when the waiter brought our food before he continued "Hers."

If he was going to be bold with his questions I decided to be bold as well. "Thought so. Are you over her?" I took a sip of my wine and sharpened my focus. "I don’t think you are. Not even close."

I hit a nerve. Pain flashed in his eyes and he squirmed in his seat before locking me into his gaze. "No but I'm getting there. My life has been turned upside down recently and I'm still trying to make sense of it all."

I remained stone faced. "That would explain all the coeds. My guess is you're trying to fuck the pain away. What do you want from me?"

Adam leaned back again and laughed. "Now we get to the point don’t we?" He rubbed his forehead. "I don’t know, I’m not sure. You're an enigma Sara. I have never met a woman who gives off mixed signals quite like you do. All I do know is you intrigue me and not many women do that."

Before I had a chance to respond he grabbed my hand and lightly rubbed the back with his thumb as he took charge again. "What do you want from me?"

My answer was an easy one. I had no place, nor desire for a man in my life. "Me? I want sex." When his eyes started to bulge I felt the need to add a caveat. "But I want it on my terms."

If he had a drink in his perfect mouth he would have been spitting it all over when he started coughing. "Alright then. I believe we can come to agreement that will be satisfactory for both of us." He glanced at his watch. "Can we discuss the terms later? I need to get to the bar."

I hadn't even noticed the time. We were so deep in conversation I barely touched my fettuccini. It was just as well since it wasn't that good. After eating authentic Italian cuisine prepared by a true Italian who lived to cook, most dishes paled in comparison. Knowing Hunter would probably enjoy it, I decided to take it home.

"Do you need me to drop you off at the club?" I asked as the waiter approached.

His gaze became mischievous, "Only if you promise to come in."

I completely understood his reasons for wanting me there and was not sure it was a good idea. All we established was that I wasn't deliberately mean to him and that he was a player, not quite over his ex, who wanted to know me better.

I had yet to set the parameters.

He sensed my hesitation. "I'm not asking you to go home with me yet. I'm asking you to come hang out. No expectations other than a night of stress free fun without expectations."

I studied his eyes. They didn't show anything other than honesty and an offer of friendship. "Won’t you be at the door all night?"

He grinned. "It’ll be fun I promise."

I looked down at what I was wearing. "Can I go home and change if I promise to come back? I can't wear this."

Adam shook his head. "I think you look fantastic."

My voice came closer to pleading than I intended. "I was there last night so I've seen what women wear. I won’t feel comfortable in this."

He thought for a moment before he reluctantly consented. "If you promise to come back."

"I give you my word." I responded as the waiter returned with a box for my food and the check.

Adam reached for his wallet but I wasn't sure if an unplanned dinner was in his budget. "I insist on paying since this is my apology to you." I handed the waiter my credit card before Adam had a chance to argue.

Grudgingly he nodded and allowed me to pay but I could tell he was not happy about it.

Chapter Eleven

During the short trip from club to my condo after dropping Adam off my arousal was rising in anticipation of the night ahead. Unwittingly, my mind drifted to my first sexual experience as a woman.

As another part of my baptismal by fire, it also happened on my eighteenth birthday…

"How did you get talked into working on your birthday?" Matt asked as I started setting everyone's drinks on the table.

I shrugged. "I need the money since Snake won't let me work at the bike shop anymore. The band is apparently over since Razor quit and took Tim with him so when Tipsy himself asked if I wanted to work tonight, I couldn't say no. We need a place to live you know."

I was also afraid what I might do to myself if I allowed myself to drink and focus on what I had become. I figured if I stayed busy I could delay the reality of the situation that had me wearing a black leather mini skirt and strategically torn club tee shirt that barely covered the important parts.

Matt shrugged embarrassingly. "You're right. I'll go job hunting tomorrow morning."

I smiled at my friend, not believing a word he said. He was not costing me anything to sleep on my couch and I knew I would be lost in self pity without him to distract me. "Keep focusing on your music, even if it is just the bass."

Matt laughed and threw a napkin at me as I turned quickly to get away.

I was almost knocked down when I ran into Johnny, one of the hottest actors of the day. His face was on the cover of all the major magazines and he could not go out alone anymore but to us he was just another struggling musician who happened to have a great day job.

"Well hello." He said in his deep but soft voice.

I smiled nervously as I looked at him. I had known Johnny for about six months and for the first time I really looked at him.

He was shorter than me at five foot ten and had the sexiest brown eyes. He was both accessible and enigmatic. He looked tougher in person than he did on screen, and his hair was stuffed into a woolen hat. He had a natural perversity about him which I found very appealing.

Surprisingly I found myself filled with desire as I smiled at him. "Hi, sorry about that."

He smiled at rubbed his chin while his eyes drifted up and down my body. "Don't be. I rather enjoyed it. Actually if you wanted to do it again I would not complain."

Even though my mind was screaming no, my body moved closer to him. "We could step in the back."

The young actor smiled mischievously as he glanced at a woman waiting with his entourage. "We will have to make it quick. I hope you don't mind."

Even though I wanted to scream no, my new body was screaming yes as it filled with desire.

"After you." I said seductively.

It ended up being fast, dirty and ultimately humiliating to my psyche as I realized truly how little control I had over my urges. I wanted desperately to cry afterwards but instead I smiled after he finished and thanked him with a kiss.

"Thank goodness I eventually learned how to suppress those urges." I said to myself as I pulled into my parking spot.

---

What to wear? What to wear?

I made up my mind on the way home to drop any apprehension I had concerning Adam and just see where the night took me. I was just going to follow Ellie's advice and get laid.

My mind ceded all decision making to my hormones.

If I was going to do this, I was going to do it right.

I decided that, at least for tonight, I was going to see if I could make him forget about any girl but me. I knew his type and knew her well. I may have abandoned his scene years ago but that didn’t mean I had forgotten how the game is played.

As I looked through my closet I became frustrated because nothing seemed right.

After what felt like an eternity and a trip to my back office to dig through old clothes, I finally decided upon a solid black halter-top accented with sequins that I could never allow myself to part with from back in the day and a pair of black distressed jeans also accented with sequins that were now so tight they looked like they were painted on. I rarely wore the jeans because they drew far too much attention to my rounded butt when I had them on. I topped it off with my short red leather jacket and put on my red three-inch stilettos. I double checked my hair and added larger silver hoops to my ears.

I washed my face and reapplied my makeup adding a sultry night time look to my eyes in addition to a light blush and dark red lipstick. When I stepped in front of the full-length mirror in my bathroom and I was very satisfied with the result. There was only one place in town my outfit would work without looking tacky.

Luckily that was the place was Anthracite.

I stepped out of the cab in front of the club and from the look of the line outside it was going to be a packed house. Adam’s stare became hungry as soon as he noticed me. He motioned for me to join him at the front, this gesture on his part garnered me dirty looks from almost everyone in line. He pulled me in close and before he realized it, my lips locked onto his. His eyes shone with a passion that caused me to melt in his strong arms. He reluctantly pulled away before he whispered into my ear "My God woman you are unbelievably gorgeous right now. Did you do all this just for me? I told you there were no expectations."

I smiled and nodded as I nervously licked my lips. "I know but I thought I'd try to tilt the odds in my favor."

As if suddenly struck by a stray thought Adam smirked when he looked into my eyes, "You definitely did that. I need to see your ID?"

He just saw it last night, I didn't understand. "Why?"

With mischief in his sexy eyes he replied, "It's the law."

I laughed when I realized what he wanted. I retrieved my license from my purse and handed it to him. "I'm thirty-six. Happy now?"

He nodded and reached under the small podium in front of him to remove a single red rose. "This is for you. I told Jane that I'm taking care of your drinks tonight and she saved you a seat. Go have fun, I'll be up shortly."

I accepted the beautiful flower and nibbled on one earlobe while gently caressing the other with my fingertip. I could feel his smile when I whispered. "Thanks sexy, come see me when you get a chance."

I couldn’t help but smirk at the jealous stares of almost every woman in line when I headed up to the club. Once I reached the top of the stairs Jane motioned me to a chair at the corner of the bar. Before I could even take my seat she walked over. "Damn, you look amazing. You want Sex tonight?"

I looked at her and laughed, "Thanks. Yeah I do but I'll settle for a strawberry margarita til he gets off work."

I caught Jane off guard with my response when she started laughing. "I can tell already we're going to be good friends."

Jane and I chatted every chance she had. I really liked her, she was so funny and had a no nonsense aura about her. I found out she married really young but her husband died soon afterwards and her parents died a couple of years ago in a car crash. A single brother was all the family she had left. She struck me as a strong woman who would not only be a fierce friend but also a friend for life.

The band was great; they were mainly playing covers from the late eighties and early to mid nineties, which I loved. I was having so much fun singing along to a Poison song and dancing in my seat that I didn’t notice a microphone in my face prompting me to sing until it was too late.

I don’t know what came over me, if it was the alcohol or just my lighter mood but I leaned into the microphone and kept singing as the lead singer stared at me in shock. I don’t think he expected me to be able to hit the high note as well or as long as I did. Suddenly he seized my hand and pulled me to go with him. It had been years since I was on a stage but I decided to go with the moment. As soon as I was in front of the crowd I grabbed the mic from his hand and took control. The moves came naturally as I simply repeated the steps I had developed years earlier when I was in the original video.

After the song ended I stepped off the stage to massive applause and was surprised to see Adam in the back with total admiration in his dark hungry eyes. I smiled as I worked my way through the crowd and accepted more than my share of drunken compliments as I tried to get to him. After finally reaching my destination, Adam wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted my feet off the ground. "What was that? You were amazing! I had no idea you could sing."

Jane leaned over the bar so Adam could hear her. "I did, you should have heard her last night. She has a great voice."

Adam nodded, "I can tell. She was fantastic."

Before I resumed my place at the bar, I removed my jacket then turned to drape it over the back of the stool, as I leaned over the bottom of my halter-top rode up.

"Sweet Baby Jesus! You have tattoos!"

Oh shit, I forgot my top was backless… and short. I turned back to face him. His eyes were full of wonder.

My face soon matched the color of my jacket. "Yeah, I kinda have a few of them"

"Why are you embarrassed?" Adam asked while he traced the outline of the butterfly that was between my shoulder blades. "I think a woman with tattoos is sexy. Do you have just those two?"

I shook my head self-consciously. "No, I have six."

His eyes bulged with excitement. "Can I see them?"

I winked, "Not right now, there are some in places not meant for public display."

His lips turned up into a wicked smile, "And I thought you were Miss Uptight and Stuffy when we met. You're full of surprises. I can’t wait to get you out of here."

I noticed Jane had provided a fresh margarita and after enjoying a long slow drink I leaned in and ran my cold tongue up his neck and purred, "I can’t either."

His body stiffened. "I’d love to go now but I can’t leave for another hour, want to shoot some pool?" The way he shifted so he could readjust himself told me he needed a distraction.

"I haven't played in years. I’d rather watch you play." I looked at him puzzled, "Don't you have to work the door?"

Adam pulled me close as nuzzled my neck. "Nah, I got one of the guys covering for me. After seeing you onstage I figured if I left ya alone someone would steal ya away. You sure you don't want to play? It'd be fun."

I filled with joy at hearing him become worried about other guys, as if any guy could compare to him. I momentarily basked in the warmth of his substantial body next to mine.

I stepped away only slightly so he could get a good look at me. "I have no doubt but I'd rather just watch. This outfit might not be the best for bending in public." I leaned forward and wiggled my chest to emphasize my point.

Adam started laughing while eyeing me closely. "I might have to agree with that assessment. Although it’s a damn fine sight, I’d end up in a fight as soon as one of these drunks hit on you."

When we approached the pool table Adam walked over to two guys sitting at a corner table and glared at them. With a scowl he nodded his head toward the main area to get them to move. They left quickly.

Okay, he is the jealous type and can scare guys with a look. This nice guy routine he is playing with me must be an act.

I took one of the vacated seats watching Adam rack up the balls for the break when I felt my phone vibrate. I looked down and saw a text from Ellie finally asking where I was. I quickly replied telling her to come to the club and she immediately responded letting me know she would be there in five minutes or so.

The sound of the pool balls cracking brought my attention back to Adam. He had removed his jacket and was leaning next to the pool table using his cue to prop himself up. I knew he was mine for the night when a young attractive blonde walked up to him trying to get his attention and he ignored her advances.

He looked scrumptious standing there in tight faded jeans and a tight black tank with Anthracite logo and snakeskin cowboy boots. The tank emphasized his ripped chest and tattoos. The entire package was an awe-inspiring sight. His eyes were dark and narrow and his lips were set in a straight line as he concentrated on the game in front of him.

When it was his turn to shoot, he leaned over the table and swung his head to move his long hair from his eyes. I blinked twice as his long mane floated to the right side of his chiseled face. The sight in front of me was one of the sexiest I had ever witnessed in my life. My breathing became ragged as pure unadulterated desire coursed through my veins.

Oh the things I planned on doing to that man.

My fantasy was interrupted when I heard Ellie scream my name. I jumped up and ran to give her a hug. Greg, her boyfriend of the week was with her.

Greg was not exactly her usual type but still rather attractive in a low-keyed way. He was close to our age, if not older. I found him to be quite the departure from the young studs I had grown accustomed to her being with. I towered over him in my heels as he stood five foot eight with a slim, but fit, build. He made me feel uncomfortable with way he ran his hand through his short brown hair and just stared at me with narrow hazel colored eyes as if I was an alien from outer space.

"What are you wearing? I can’t believe you still have that halter! What's up with your hair?" As Ellie bombarded me with her questions and it was obvious I shocked her.

I panicked and started patting my hair. "Why? What's wrong with it?" I became worried but Adam seemed to like it.

"Nothing at all. I just thought you left this girl in L.A." she motioned to all of me.

I smiled because I knew what she was trying to say. "She wanted to come out tonight so I let her. I can’t believe all this still fits."

"Of course it still fits silly. How many times have I told you. You ain't aged like you think you have." Ellie gasped suddenly. "You're not wearing a jacket!" She knew I hated showing my tattoos anymore. It only reminded me of a time better off forgotten.

"Please don’t make me over think this. I'm having more fun that I've had in ages"

Ellie spun around to her date with embarrassment. "Oh, this is Greg." Her face told me that I had stunned her to the point she'd forgotten he was there.

"I already figured that out." I laughed as I extended my hand to him. "Nice to finally meet you."

Greg looked up to me with what could best be described as bafflement in his eyes. "Nice to meet you as well. I must say you aren't what I was expecting from the way Ellie described you."

Ellie looked horrified and punched him in the arm.

I suspiciously eyed my cousin. "Uh oh, what did you expect?"

Without the slightest hint of embarrassment, and almost a look of disgust, Greg replied. "I don't know, a wallflower of some sort. Someone shy and quiet. Whatever I was expecting was definitely not this."

I immediately didn't like him but I kept my feelings to myself since I figured he wouldn't be around long and played nice for Ellie's sake. "I’m sure but I promise I don’t usually look or act this way."

I felt Adam put his hands on my hips while his thumbs traced the heart on my lower back. I turned and he kissed me lightly on the corner of my lip. "I like you looking this way."

I lit up as he said it and rested the back of my head on his shoulder. "I’m sure you do but I’m not confident this is appropriate attire for the office."

I motioned to my right. "Adam you know Ellie and this is her boyfriend Greg."

Ellie wore such a happy grin on her beautiful face as Adam extended his hand to her boyfriend. "Nice to meet you Greg."

Greg returned his handshake, "You too Adam." Greg looked as if he was completely out of his element.

The contrast was great between Adam’s large build and height compared to Greg’s slight stature. I tried hard not to laugh at how uncomfortable Greg appeared to be. Ellie shot me a look that told me she was thinking the same thing.

I don't know if it was my lightened mood or the fact I just didn't like Greg but I finally gave in and snickered while looking at them.

Greg's eyes narrowed at my amusement. "Did I miss a joke?"

Without me having to say a word, Ellie knew I didn't like him and shot me a pleading stare that was a request to let it drop.

I chose to ignore Greg and looked up to Adam hungrily, "Are you still playing?"

"Yeah, just waiting for a new rack. You wanna go back to the bar?"

I shook my head and bit my bottom lip. "No, I like watching you play."

I moved in closer and whispered, "Your butt looks cute when you bend across the table."

His high cheekbones turned an adorable shade of pink. "I don’t think anyone has ever told me that before."

I licked my lips slow and deliberately, "I don’t know why, I could watch you all night."

The guy Adam was playing against tapped him on the shoulder to let him know the rack was ready. Before returning to his game Adam spun me so I faced him and planted one of his earth-shattering kisses upon my willing lips. My knees seemed to forget their purpose but thankfully Adam held me close.

He winked at me as he sat me down in my seat. "I need to get back to the game. You have fun watching."

As he turned to head back I slapped his ass making him jump. He looked back at me amazed and I winked and bit my bottom lip seductively.

I was so busy staring at Adam and his game I did not notice when the lead singer from the band appeared at my side. "Hi, I'm Jett. You were amazing up there. I wondered if you'd like to sing another song with us tonight?"

I smiled at Jett kindly, "Nice to meet you, I'm Sara. I'm flattered you'd ask but I'll have to pass. That was a spur of the moment thing. I don't usually sing in public."

Jett placed his hand on my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. "You should, you have an amazing voice. Come one, just one song."

As has been the case with me for many years, such a simple gesture caused my entire body to tense up. "Thanks, I'm honored because your band is great but no. I'm sorry."

Jett's shoulders slumped in defeat although his smile didn't face. "Okay, but know it's a standing offer. Anytime you feel like singing just let us know."

"Thanks Jett, I'll keep that in mind. It was nice to meet you." I said as I politely dismissed him.

"Nice to meet you too Sara."

Ellie leaned into me as Jett walked back toward the stage. "Spill it Lib, what has gotten into you? You sang tonight? You swore you'd never do that again. What about Kevin? You could have a future with him."

I rolled my eyes. "What about him? He's a Kevin for God's sake. I can't have a future with someone like him."

My cousin stared at me. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I smiled. "Have you ever met a Kevin that wasn't fat or bald or both by the time he's forty? I'm not looking for anything long term. I just want to have a little fun."

Greg glared at me and Ellie shook her head nervously trying to contain her laughter. She moved closer and started to whisper. "Greg's middle name is Kevin just so you know. I'm going to ask again, what has gotten into you?"

"It’s not what has gotten into me, it’s more like what I’d like to get into me. Like if you had your choice between the two, you wouldn’t pick Adam? Kevin's cute and all but that man makes my kitty purr." I tilted my head in his direction as I took another drink.

"Listen to you! You ain’t right" Ellie squealed while laughing. "I know you’re drunk when you go country on me."

I smirked at her while she attempted to regain her composure. "Look girl I thought about what you said and you're right. I need to find a balance."

My best friend pushed my shoulder almost causing me to fall from my seat. "This ain’t balance, this is you going off the deep end!"

I knew she was right but I had let my hormones take control for the night. "You're wrong. I'll be a tight ass again Monday morning and will probably regret tonight ever happened, but tonight I'm going to have fun." I pointed at Adam, "Tonight, I'm going to have that!"

Ellie knew better than to push the subject so she gave me her ‘I understand’ smile and dropped the subject.

After Adam sank the eight ball in the corner pocket he strolled over wrapping me in his strong arms. "Hey babe I just need to finish a couple of things in the back and freshen up, then I’ll be ready to go. Give me ten minutes."

He kissed the top of my head.

I smiled seductively at him and ran my hand through his hair close to his ear. "Sounds good, I’ll be right here."

As Adam strolled through a doorway behind the bar I shifted myself toward Ellie, "Looks like we're getting ready to leave." I crossed my arms across my chest while crossing my fingers. "Wish me luck."

Ellie pulled me into a hug. "I saw the hunger in that man’s eyes. The only luck you will need is that you’ll be lucky if you can walk in the morning. I have to work tomorrow night but I'll call you when I get a break and you better answer your phone cause I'll want details!"

I giggled. "Yes ma’am, I'll keep my phone by my side. I love you."

"I love you too, have fun tonight."

Chapter Twelve

Adam emerged from the back office and sauntered toward me looking delicious in fresh clothes and damp hair.

I had no idea they had a shower here.

Instead of his tank and jeans he was wearing a white linen button up shirt and black dress pants.

"You hungry?" he asked as he reached my side.

I chewed on my bottom lip as I stared at him. I was very hungry but not for food so I shook my head. "I was thinking we could go to my place but if you want something to eat that's fine or maybe we could combine them and go to my place and I can fix you something."

Adam’s eyebrows lifted "I believe I like your last idea. Do I need to follow you?"

I shook my head again. "I took a cab since I wasn’t sure how much I'd drink so I can ride with you if that’s okay?"

Adam offered his hand. "It would be my pleasure, let’s get out of here. My car is out back."

I grasped Adam’s large hand and he led me behind the stage and down a hall past many doors.

Wow I had no idea the place was so large.

I waved to the band who was in one of the rooms partying. They rushed out to speak to me as we walked by. I laughed to myself as Adam held me firmly to his side marking his territory.

Once we finally stepped outside I looked across the parking lot trying to figure out which car was his. There was a silver Volvo S60R that was obviously too pretentious pretty boy to be his, a new bright green Camaro SS that could be his but struck me as too flashy. I eyed a nice baltic blue Range Rover Evoque identical to the one I parked next to every day at the Terrazzo that was obviously too expensive to be his and a red Audi A3 hatchback that had girl car written all over it. I laughed when I saw a beat up old van with the band's name spray painted on the side. There were a few others but it was an older black Ford extended cab 4x4 pick-up that caught my eye and looked his style.

I headed toward the truck.

Adam pressed a button on his key fob and the lights blinked on the Evoque. My eyes widened in shock.

A bar worker does not drive a vehicle like this.

Seemed I was not the only one who is full of surprises.

Adam noticed my reaction and grinned as he read my mind. "You thought I drove the truck didn’t you?"

I couldn’t help but to laugh at my embarrassment and nodded. "Honestly yes. Looks like I’m not the only mystery in need of solving."

Adam laughed loudly and his eyes lit up with amusement as he opened my door. "Where to Miss Collins?"

"Terrazzo please sir"

Adam couldn't hide his amusement, "No shit? You live in the Terrazzo? I pictured you in a ranch house with a picket fence."

"Looks like we're both doing a lot of misjudging lately."

He nodded as he started the vehicle and backed out of his spot before I continued, "I loved living in New York, everything being in walking distance, the noise, the excitement, the anonymity. That's what I'm used to now. I grew up in the perfect country setting with the picket fences but the quiet would drive me crazy now. If I get the itch for that life I just go stay with my parents and consider it scratched. I like my life just as it is."

Adam peered at me out of the corner of his eye inquisitively. "Do you ever see yourself moving back to New York?"

I shrugged, it was a question I've been asking myself since I moved home. "Maybe after Hunter, my son, grows up. For now, though, he enjoys it here and he likes being around his grandparents."

After Adam pulled into the parking garage he punched in a code and the gates to the area restricted to residents opened. My mouth dropped in shock as he parked next to my Mini.

I turned to him astonished. "We're neighbors?"

He started laughing. "You thought I just worked at the club didn’t you?"

I felt my cheeks blazing as all the blood in my body rushed to them. I didn't have to do anything to affirm his suspicions.

"My sister Jane and I had the idea to open the club after my, um, divorce. She said it would help me get my mind off things to do something I enjoyed."

I gasped as I stepped out. "Jane is your sister? No wonder it felt like she was sizing me up, she was deciding if I was worthy."

Adam was having so much fun with this. His eyes flittered with amusement as he walked around toward me. "That's probably true, she was stunned when I told her to comp all your drinks last night and tonight. I haven’t done that before. I think you passed though. She gave me the thumbs up as we were leaving." He grabbed my hand. "Come on. I’m hungry."

When we entered the express elevator I hit the button for my floor and as the door closed he pulled me into an embrace. I loved the fact that I had to actually look up at a man for a change.

"Which floor do you live on?" I asked.

Adam looked at me nervously, "Um, one floor above yours."

I whistled. "Woohoo, Mr. Penthouse. Quite the bachelor pad I bet. The perfect place for all your leggy blondes."

He looked utterly embarrassed from my teasing then relieved when the elevator doors opened.

---

"Welcome to my humble abode" I said as we entered my apartment.

I knew it probably paled in comparison to his penthouse but this was the nicest place I had ever had and I was proud of it. I paid considerably less for a three bedroom with all the amenities here than I did in New York for a two-bedroom walkup.

Adam looked around with an appreciative yet oddly intimidated look. "Wow, you have made it so homey. I love it." He noticed all my pictures of Hunter. He grabbed the one of Hunter I had taken recently while he played his guitar. "Cool kid, must take after his Mom."

I beamed, I always beam when Hunter's the topic, "Yeah he is the coolest, and he’s my world."

He studied the picture a moment longer. "You are going to have your hands full as soon as the girls start noticing his eyes."

I laughed. "Oh they already have. One just asked him to the school dance next week."

Adam decided time for small talk was over as he replaced the picture on the wall. He turned and pulled me into his strong arms. His mouth moved to my neck and started planting a trail of kisses that continued to my ear.

I felt my desires growing within. I knew if he kept going there would be no food and he already said he was hungry. "You want something to eat?"

As he was paying special attention to my ear he purred. "Yes… you." I melted as he pulled my jacket off, tossing it onto my sofa. I grabbed his head and tilted it so that I could have access to his delectable mouth. Once our mouths met I allowed his tongue to enter and felt his expert hands rubbing my back.

I pulled back just long enough to utter, "Not here."

He nodded as I grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the stairway to my bedroom. After we were inside we resumed our kiss with more passion than before. I pulled off his jacket then he grabbed the hem of my halter-top and lifted it over my head. He kicked off his boots while I removed my stilettos.

I went to unbutton his pants and release his zipper. I hungrily reached for the top of his pants and the band of his black boxer briefs at the same time and pulled them down in one swift motion.

My GOD he was endowed. I gasped at the sight of it as I pushed him down on my queen-sized bed. Once he was lying on his back I took him in my hand and leaned down to kiss it.

This was the first time I could remember that I wanted sex for me. Not as an attempt to feel love, not because it was easier than saying no and definitely not because of some sick rule that said I was to act the way I would have if I had been a girl from birth.

Adam stared at me with amazement. He gasped as I captured him in my willing mouth and began working up and down managing to take in more of him with each succession until I could feel his well-maintained pubic hair on my nose.

His moaning increased as I moved faster becoming accustomed to his size. It did not take long before I could feel him trying to remove me but I was too close to my goal and I refused to be stopped.

He shifted from side to side in the hopes of dislodging me but I was on a mission. Before long I felt him tense as he began begging me to stop. He wrapped his large hands in my hair as he moaned my name and became rigid, simultaneously I was rewarded with his salty sweet extract and I didn't lose a single drop.

I slowly rose to my feet while licking my lips with a seductive smile. I looked down on this amazing man with such lust.

He stared up at me and wore a look of awe mixed with satisfaction as well as deep desire.

Still on his back, he propped himself up on his arms as he looked up and in the deepest, most seductive voice I ever heard said. "Strip for me."

How could I refuse him?

I turned on my bedside satellite radio player before I reached up and released the front clasp on my bra and held my hands as if I was about to release my breasts. His eyes grew wide in anticipation as I slowly swayed in time with the music coming through the speakers. I slowly leaned forward until I was over him and tantalizingly liberated my mounds just inches from his mouth.

He tilted his mouth up to meet them as I stood up with a wicked grin wagging my finger side to side. "No, no. Not yet"

He smiled as I stood up straight and extended my leg to push him back with my toes. He placed his hands behind his head clearly enjoying my show as I undid the button on my jeans, freed my zipper then turned my back to him as I ever so slowly wiggled out of my denim casing. Once they passed my hips I bent over at my waist, keeping my knees locked. I pushed my jeans downward until they reached the floor.

While still bent at the waist I peered back at Adam who had sat back up on the bed staring with unbridled desire and gave him a wink.

I rose and stood before him in just my pink satin and lace thong. Unable to resist any longer, he reached out and pulled me into his lap in one quick motion. I squealed with delight as he drew me to his mouth.

"You are without a doubt the… sexiest…woman…I…have…ever…met." He flipped me off his lap and onto the bed before straddling my body leaning into my ear and declaring, "Now it’s my turn."

Adam started at my ear slowly nibbling as he purred like a cat. The effect was immediate. I could feel the goosebumps running down my spine.

He ever so slowly began to leave a trail of kisses down my neck while cupping one of my breasts into his hand.

His path to my pleasure was a true one as he continued to work his way down, trailing his fingertips along Hunter’s name that’s runs down my ribs. He only stopped long enough to comment about the sunburst tattoo around my belly button before he worked his tongue over the stars on my hip until he reached my promised land.

He seductively removed my thong before he launched an assault unlike any I had experienced before. His masterful tongue worked in ways I had never thought possible. I swear it felt as if his tongue caressed my belly button from the inside.

I was in ecstasy as Adam was bringing me to heights my mind could not fathom were even possible before that night.

He gently explored me with one of his large fingers and soon a second finger joined inside while his masterful tongue continued its assault on my hot spot. I buried my hands in his hair and screamed his name as I tumbled full force over the edge.

I have experienced many orgasms in my life but none as intense and he didn’t let up.

He continued to assail upon me and as soon as I started coming down he pushed me back over the edge again. After my third orgasm I begged him to stop.

Adam finally leaned back with a sultry ‘I have you now’ look upon his face as I tried to catch my breath. He slowly traced an outline of the razor someone had inked on the inside of my right thigh. "A razor huh? This one must have some meaning."

My mood immediately darkened "Yes it does." I snapped.

"Not a pleasant meaning I take it?"

"You could say that." I grimaced.

Adam crawled back on the bed until we were face to face. He ran his fingers through my hair.

"Then I believe I need to drop the subject as tonight is all about pleasure."

I felt my smile returning, "I couldn’t agree more."

I placed my hands in his hair and pulled his mouth greedily to meet mine.

As we proceeded to let our hands explore every inch of the other’s bodies I could feel his impressive manhood against my lower body.

Ellie was right when she said I’d be lucky to walk tomorrow.

I was getting more anxious to feel him inside me and wiggled to let him know. Adam reached down for his jacket which had fallen just within reach of his long arms and pulled a condom out of the inside pocket.

He jumped up straddling me once more as he removed the condom from the wrapper and placed it on with such precision that left little doubt to his experience and prowess.

His eye locked into mine as he entered me.

"Please be gentle, it’s been awhile." I pleaded.

I gasped, as I couldn’t remember being with anyone quite as endowed.

His long hair was tickling my face. I reached up to caress his stubbled jaw. Every nerve within me was firing double time as he began to move in a soft gentle motion.

I pulled him down to me so I could taste his lips and mouth but he resisted. My look to him was pleading and he shook his head. "You're so sexy I want to look at you."

His eyes were dark with desire and I had never felt as I did at that moment.

I felt so wanted, so full, so desired.

Most guys I had been with were only about pleasing themselves and as such, I was a means to an end. But this man, this sexy man, on top of me was all about pleasing me.

He could have almost any girl he desired on any given night but on this night he chose me.

I was the one turning him on.

I was the one he wanted to look at.

I was the one he was with.

For only the second time in my life I truly savored being a woman.

My thoughts were my undoing as I felt my body releasing yet again.

It seemed as if only seconds had passed before I could feel Adam tensing within as he called out my name before collapsing on me.

We stayed together awhile longer still panting heavily before he gently removed himself to lie at my side.

I gasped at the sudden emptiness I felt inside.

Adam moved my hair away from my face. "That was amazing, thank you."

I blushed, "I believe I should be thanking you. I now understand why you are called Zeus." I kissed him again passionately.

He said nothing but continued our kiss when I heard his stomach rumble.

I rubbed his belly, "I promised you something to eat. Come on."

I hopped out of bed and put on my pink robe from the bathroom and headed to the kitchen as Adam pulled his pants back on.

Once in the kitchen I opened the refrigerator door pondering what to fix.

Adam joined me looking over my shoulder. In my bare feet Adam towered over me, I liked that.

I looked up at him "See anything you like?"

"Mmmmm, yes I do" He grabbed my butt playfully.

I giggled, "I meant food silly."

"Oh that, anything is fine with me I’m not picky."

"Is that why you're with me tonight?" I asked teasingly.

Adam swatted my behind. "That’s not what I meant and you know it."

I laughed again then peered back into the fridge. "How hungry are you? I can make something quick or I can whip up some chicken fried steaks that are to die for."

"Chicken fried steak sounds great but it seems like too much work for this hour. Something quick is fine with me." Adam responded.

"How about grilled ham and cheese?"

"That sounds great, I haven't had one of those in years."

"Coming right up sir."

I placed everything I needed on the black marble countertop and turned back to the fridge. "Would you like something to drink? I have beer, wine, sweet tea, kool-aid or water."

Adam couldn’t hide his amusement. "Chicken fried steaks? Sweet tea? You really are a southern girl aren’t you?"

I turned to him and in my best southern accent replied, "I may be cityfied but I am country fed and country bred. & I’ll be that way ‘til I’m country dead!"

Adam burst out laughing. "I use that line myself. Tea will be fine, thanks."

I poured Adam’s tea and started preparing the food when he started talking again. "Who are you Sara? I mean who are you really?"

I spun around quickly with a certain amount of dread filling my body. "What do you mean?"

"I pride myself in getting a good read on people but you have me completely stumped."

I still wasn't sure what was the point he was trying to make. I turned back to check on our sandwiches before I replied. "How so?"

Without hesitation Adam continued, "Allow me to expand on our conversation at the restaurant. When I met you at lunch yesterday, you were rather uptight but nice and so confident in a businesslike manner. You appeared to be in your element. I only walked up because I wanted to meet you but you carried an air of ‘I’m attractive but out of you league.’ So I backed off."

I turned around in shock that he thought I was out of his league.

"Then you came to the club, you looked and acted so completely different. You had a totally different attitude. I didn't recognize you at first because it was like you had a personality transplant. You were so shy and unsure and I was captivated, which was why I called up to Jane to take care of your drinks." He sighed and rubbed his neck. "When Jane called down and told me how you were carrying on and who you were hanging out with. That didn’t gel with either version of you I had in my mind."

I stared at him and his confused expression echoed his words.

Adam stood and walked around the bar before embracing me again. "But it was when you came down the stairs and put your arms around me that really grabbed my attention. When you did that you were the most confident woman I had ever met. You were sexy and you knew it. You had me in your clutches and enjoyed every second of it. Your kiss was nothing short of amazing. You had me questioning again if I was good enough. The thing that confused me the most was that as soon as we broke our kiss you looked around and that confidence went away."

I was in shock, this man had really thought about me.

How can someone I just met know me so well?

I frowned thinking about what happened after the kiss. "What did you think after we went across the street?"

"When I went to get you a drink and you went mental on me?"

I nodded embarrassingly.

"I thought someone had damaged you. I never had a woman walk out on me like you did. I've had women leave me but they always slipped away with a lame excuse or before I noticed they were gone. I confronted you about it and instead of making up a lame excuse you owned up to what you were doing and called me on my bullshit."

My mouth dropped almost to the floor.

How can he know that I have been damaged?

"And it turns out I was right about someone hurting you, you confirmed that to me tonight. Not only with your words but with your actions. Normally I would just cut my losses and walk away but there's something about you that draws me in. I want to know you better."

Wants to know me better?

Oh no this can’t happen.

It’s just Hunter and I versus the world.

I began to speak then Adam placed his finger on my lips. "No let me finish. When we went to dinner tonight I noticed you dropped some of your defenses and the person I saw was as beautiful on the inside as she is on the outside. You are so smart and funny. Normally I have girls hanging on my every word but with you, it’s me hanging on what you have to say."

I smiled warmly as he continued.

"I was worried when you dropped me off that you would flip on me again and wouldn’t come back but when you did I was in shock. Once again I saw a side of you I couldn't have imagined existed. You took sexy to a new plateau and yet you looked more comfortable like that than at any point prior. When Jane called down telling me to get upstairs quick I wasn't prepared for the sight of you singing and dancing on stage, it was like you'd been doing it your whole life. You've got a stage presence that rivals most professional artists. You had Jett in shock. He can work a crowd better than most and he knows it, but you put him to shame. I have to give him credit, he was smart enough to just let you go with it and I was glad he did. You reminded me of someone but I can’t for the life of me place who it is. I've never been so turned on in my life."

I blushed as I thought about what he was saying and turned to check on the food. I did have fun and tonight I was more myself than I had been in years. I didn't have to think about what I was doing, I just did it. It was exciting and scary at the same time.

I removed the sandwiches from the stove and placed them on plates before carrying them to the breakfast bar where Adam had been sitting.

Adam allowed me to sit before he continued, "You came off the stage and your smile was breath taking. Most people would've been hyped up but you were completely relaxed. You finally let down your walls and then you removed your jacket and I saw your tattoos. I would have never guessed you as the type to have one tattoo, much less six. You handled all the drunks hitting on you like a pro and the way you looked at me while I played pool had me torn up. Then we come here and have incredible sex. It was amazing, life altering, I could go on for weeks describing it but nothing would come close. I have never experienced anything like it. You have cast quite a spell on me in a short time. My guess is that tonight I saw the real you."

I took a bite of my sandwich and used that time to think.

I needed to get a hold of this situation quick.

I could fall for this walking sex machine sitting next to me rather easily. I couldn't let that happen. He already knew me too well and to make matters worse, he liked what he saw. The problem was, I never liked the person he saw.

I placed my hand over his, "I enjoyed myself tonight, I mean really enjoyed myself." I moved my hand to his bare chest. "I got lost in the moment, got lost in you. Tonight's been great but I hope you understand that while I’d love to do this again I’m not the person you saw tonight and I’m not looking for anything serious. That girl you saw is fun to let out every once in awhile to play but she’s not me anymore. I've worked too hard to get away from her."

It appeared almost as if Adam breathed a sigh of relief which I found confusing and in contradiction to what he just said. "I’d like that alot. So friends? Maybe with something extra every now and then?" His eyes looked hopeful.

I smiled and kissed his cheek. "Yes I’d like that very much."

After taking the last bite of his sandwich Adam took a drink then pulled me into him planting another toe curling kiss before asking "You up for another round?"

"I thought you’d never ask."

He grabbed me off my chair and tossed me over his shoulder as if I weighed nothing and carried me back up the stairs to my bedroom with me shrieking happily the entire way.

Chapter Thirteen

My phone ringing brought me from a very odd dream.

I wiped the tears away from my eyes and could not understand why my heart felt so broken.

Adam had left at about six to go home which was ok with me as I wasn’t sure what time Daddy would be bring Hunter home and I didn’t want Adam to still be in bed when he did.

I looked to my bedside clock noticing it was only nine, which was too early to be Daddy or Ellie. I found myself suddenly in a panic as my nightmare came into focus I looked at the display on my smart phone to see Mom’s picture.

I filled with dread as I answered. "What's wrong Mom?"

Mom sounded as if she was crying and I immediately sat up in my bed.

"Honey, there’s been an accident. You need to get to the hospital immediately."

"Is Hunter okay?"

"Just get here as soon as you can but please be careful."

No God, not Hunter. Please Lord let him be OK. Don't let my dream be his way of telling me good-bye.

Please Lord let him be OK. I’ll do whatever you ask just let my baby be okay.

I didn’t even look at the clothes I grabbed before putting them on and running for the door.

I prayed all the way to the hospital while also cursing every traffic light or car going slower than me. The fact it was raining didn't help either.

I ran into the emergency room and dashed to a receptionist. I explained who I was and asked where my son was as she punched his information into the keyboard.

I felt my panic reach new heights when her face turned pale before she replied in a somber tone, "Yes ma’am you need to go through the doors to my right then the second door to your left and one of the nurses there will help you."

I turned and sprinted in the direction she told me, not even thinking to thank her. As soon as I reached my destination I saw my mother sitting in a chair weeping. I rushed to embrace her as she sobbed.

"He’s gone baby, he’s gone."

I felt all breath leave my body. "Who’s gone Mom? Is it Daddy? Hunter? Who is gone Mom?"

God this can’t be happening.

Mom looked into my eyes saying again, "He’s gone baby, he’s gone."

I shook her, "Who is gone Mom? Are they both gone?"

Mom was beside herself as she finally said the words no parent ever should have to hear.

"Baby its Hunter, he didn’t make it."

I let out a primal scream before falling to the floor and curling into a ball. My reason for living was gone.

What am I going to do?

No, this can’t be right.

How am I going to survive?

He can’t be gone.

His birthday is next week.

This has to be a bad dream.

I just saw him yesterday, he was full of life and excited.

He's going to be in a band with his friends.

He’s too young.

No, this isn’t happening.

Mom has to be mistaken.

He has his first date this week.

Why did I have to let him stay an extra day?

He has too much life ahead of him.

Someone made a mistake, he’s not really gone.

What am I going to do without him?

My baby can’t be gone.

I felt weak and as darkness closed in I could hear my own voice wailing. "Why God why?"

---

When I opened my eyes, everything felt like a blur. I was in a white room, in a hospital bed and as my eyes focused I saw my Mom, Daddy and Ellie.

Daddy looked bad, really bad.

He was on crutches and had a bandage on his head. He had cuts and bruises all over his body. All three appeared to be crying and it all came back to me in a flood.

Hunter was gone. My precious boy was gone.

The one reason I was happy with the life I had been given was taken from me.

I start sobbing as Ellie engulfed me in a hug.

"Please tell me this isn’t really happening." I howled into her shoulder.

She gently ran her fingers through my hair as she rocked back and forth, trying to ease my intense heartache. "I’m so sorry, I'll help you get through this. I can’t imagine what you're going through but please know I love you and I'm here for you always."

"My baby" is all I could manage to get out.

I tried to get out of bed suddenly. "Where is he? I need to see him." I was shaking and the tears wouldn’t stop when Daddy grabbed me in his arms and made me look up at him.

He was as bad emotionally as I was. This man who always made me feel safe rubbed his trembling hands on my back. "Liberty, You don't want to see him like that. I can't let you have that burned into your mind, that's a load I'll bare if it means you'll never have it. I want your last memory of him to be when he was playing yesterday."

My strong father buried his face in the top of my hair and wept. "I never saw the semi truck. He ran the light and I couldn't stop before he plowed into the passenger side where Hunter was sitting. I am so so sorry. I wish it were me instead of Hunter. It’s not fair, why couldn’t it be me? I’m so sorry Lib. Why couldn’t it be me?"

I had no words of encouragement for Daddy, I had no words for anyone at the moment, all I could do was pull him into a hug and we sobbed together.

My mother rushed over and took me from my father's arms and guided me back into the bed and climbed in beside me. "I'm sorry baby, just let it out. We'll get through this together."

I laid there beside my loving mother and let it all out but no matter how many tears I cried it wasn't enough to wash away the pain of losing the best part of myself.

---

The funeral was a blur. Mom made the arrangements since I was in no shape to do so.

The only real memory I have from that time, aside from my parents, my best friend and my boss, Gabriel Moretti with his wife Anna being there the entire time was when Adam walked in with the petite red-haired woman and the woman who looked just like Polina.

I jumped from my seat and rushed to them as soon as they came into view. I looked at the sister with pleading eyes. "Do you have powers like your sister? Can you give me my son back? Please, I'll do anything. If she can turn me into this then surely you can bring him back to me."

The woman looked at me with sad eyes and my panic eased somewhat. "I am sorry but no. That is not something we can do."

I dropped to my knees in front of her. "Please, I am begging you. You can take my life but give him back his. It is not fair that I have to continue while his time was so short."

The short woman I suddenly remembered being named Cali dropped to the floor beside me. "I really wish we could do that for you but it is not how the universe works. We want to help you but we can't do that."

I glared at her. "Then why are you here? Want to see me suffer the way her sister did? Is it some sick family trait? Let's go watch the freak fall apart. Well both of you can go to hell. Get out of here if you can't help."

Cali started to protest before I pushed her toward the door. "I said get out! You don't know my son and if you can't bring him back then I don't need anything else your kind has to offer. You are all the devil."

Cali wanted to say something else but Adam placed his hand on her shoulder and shook his head. Without another word being said the three turned and left.

The rest of the time spent at the funeral home I was sitting in front of Hunter’s closed casket hugging his favorite teddy bear from when he was a baby while someone from my family hugged me. Between the five of them I was not left alone for a second.

I refused to leave Hunter's body, even staying at the funeral home overnight. I refused to let my baby be alone is such a strange place. I stayed up all night reading his favorite books aloud to him. Despite everyone's best efforts, I didn’t eat or sleep for three days. I only had a limited amount of time left with him and refused to waste a second of it.

I think a lot of people came to pay their respects but to be honest I don’t remember. My only real memories from that time were pain and intense sorrow.

It was raining the day we buried him. I can't explain why but it felt comforting to think the heavens were sharing my sorrow and crying with me. At the gravesite I didn’t want to leave my baby in the cold ground, it broke my heart to leave him alone in such a scary place. I wanted to stay with him. Mom insisted I come home with her but I refused and sat in the mud at the head of his plot. I rocked and sang to him while still hugging his bear. The only thing I wanted was to stay with my boy. If possible I would have crawled in the ground with him.

After a few failed attempts to get me to leave, Daddy finally had some of his friends physically carry me to their car with me kicking and screaming the entire time.

My parents tried making me stay with them but I refused and called a cab to take me home. Once in the confines of my condo I buried myself in a bottle while looking at picture albums or watching old videos. I constantly hugged the pillow from his bed because it still smelled of my beautiful boy. I could still smell his favorite cologne, Curves for men, that he made me buy after a girl at school told him she liked it.

Halloween was unbearable seeing all the kids out trick or treating. My darling boy loved Halloween and was planning on going as a member of his favorite band. His costume still hung in his closet with the tags on it. He had big plans of attending his first boy/girl party and my heart broke all over again thinking of all the firsts my only child missed out on in his all to brief life.

I sat a bowl of candy outside the door to avoid seeing the other children and opened a new bottle of whiskey. It was gone by the time I went to sleep.

On his birthday, the third day of November, I was inconsolable. I baked his birthday cake, decorated it and placed thirteen candles on it and let them burn all the way down before tossing the cake across the kitchen into the wall.

I looked at all his presents I refused to let him have early with so much regret.

If I'd known, I would have let him have them as soon as I bought them. I picked up his brand new Les Paul Silverburst electric guitar that he'd been begging me for and started strumming it. As soon as my fingers made contact with the strings I felt peace, almost as if he were in the room with me. I walked over to the piano and pulled out an old notebook I used from time to time to express my feelings and spent the next few hours playing and writing.

My days consisted of dragging myself to the office and putting on a happy face. I threw myself into my job more than ever before since it was all I had left. After work I would go to Hunter’s gravesite until dark and then home to crawl into a bottle and cry myself to sleep in his bed, only to repeat the process the next day.

I wanted to limit my business lunches since I wasn't feeling very sociable. Unfortunately, one in particular I could not avoid was with Kevin.

He was a perfect gentleman but I couldn't keep from breaking down when he asked how I was holding up. I tensed and ran out of the restaurant when he attempted to give me a comforting hug. Seeing him reminded me of allowing my son to spend an extra night with my parents so I could have drinks with him.

The rational side of my brain kept telling me that I would have allowed Hunter to stay regardless but the irrational side needed someone to blame and since he was someone I could keep at a distance, he got the blame.

Weekdays became tolerable but weekends were the worst because I didn’t even have work to distract me from my pain. Friends would call to check on me but I never answered.

I rarely talked to Mom since she had started drinking again and her meanness had started to seep through with force. From the way she acted you would have thought her pain was stronger than any I could have experienced. She told me I couldn't begin to imagine the loss of a grandchild. I wanted to scream as she told me my son was more important to her than I ever was. I was hanging on by a thread and my mother was holding a pair of scissors.

Daddy, in spite of my best efforts, had become distant because he blamed himself for everything. It hurt because he had always been the one man I could depend on in a crisis. I knew it wasn’t his fault and told him so often but he wouldn’t listen. His guilt built a wall between us that I didn't have the energy to tear down.

It wasn't long before I stopped answering Mom's calls and eventually I stopped reaching out to Daddy out of self-preservation.

The memories of my time in Los Angeles started dominating my thoughts whenever I was alone. I once again hated the woman I was turned into. I wanted desperately to talk to one of my oldest friends, Matt, but I had not heard from him in over six months.

He told me he was going to an island and take a technological sabbatical with his new boyfriend so they could connect on a spiritual level. I wanted to be mad at him for not being here for me but he couldn't help if he didn't know. Besides, if anyone deserved to be happy, it was my Matty.

I sighed as I remembered how I found out he was gay. It was the afternoon of my eighteenth birthday…

A sense of relief flowed through me when I walked up to the door of my apartment. It might have been a dump but it was my dump.

I walked in expecting to see Matt sleeping on the tattered couch but all I found were two sets of clothes on the floor. I shrugged and walked to my bedroom to lie down and hopefully wrap my mind around everything.

I heard some noises coming from my bedroom and as I inched forward I quickly realized my roommate was entertaining company in my bedroom. I laughed because the guttural noises he was making did not even sound like him. I had no idea his voice could get so deep.

Deciding to let him enjoy himself, I went back out to the living room to lie down on the couch.

Tears flowed freely as my mind once again dissected the morning in finite detail. As crazy as it seemed, I had somehow become a beautiful woman. No matter how much I wanted to act like my old self, my new body would not cooperate and I could not talk about what happened with anyone but an asshole that I could not stand.

Before I could even start to make any sense of what was happening to me I heard two sets of footsteps coming in my direction. I looked up to see a couple of very nice looking and very naked men standing in front of me.

Not knowing what else to say, I attempted to make a joke. "Is this my birthday present? If so then I approve."

Matt appeared horrified as he gathered the clothes and rushed both of them back toward my bedroom.

I now understood why he was always pretending to be someone else and why he never really responded to the women hitting on him. I also realized that him being gay did not change how I felt about him at all. He was still the same cool person I met when I first moved out here.

I was so worried for my friend that I momentarily forgot about my problems as I rushed to him when he tried to run out of the house after he got dressed. "Not so fast, I think we need to talk."

He sighed and dropped his head as he dejectedly let me lead him back to the living room as his partner quietly slipped out the door.

"Why are you running from me?" I asked.

Refusing to raise his head he replied in his normal accent. "Because I knew you would want me out after catching me doing that."

I placed my finely manicured finger under his chin and tilted his head so I could look into his sad eyes. "Have I ever said or done anything to make you think I would react that way?"

He shook his head. "No you haven't but everyone I have ever told about this side of me has rejected me."

Once again I was mildly pleased I was in a female body because I somehow doubted that Sean could give him the hug he so desperately needed.

I held him in my arms as he started to cry. "Shh." I said softly. "I'm your friend no matter what and I need you too much for you to leave me right now. Promise me you aren't going anywhere and I promise I will stay by your side through anything."

He snaked his arms around me and held tightly. "If you want me to stay then nothing could drag me away."

Once he calmed down he sat up and we switched places with me lying in his lap. Matt started running his fingers through my hair. "Now that you know my darkest secret, what is yours?"

I thought for a moment and decided to test Polina's warning about telling others. If anyone were to know my darkest secret I would want it to be Matty since he already knew everything about me.

"If I were a guy and you were to hit on me I don't think I would say no." were the words that came out of my mouth instead of me telling him what had happened earlier.

Matty laughed and kissed my forehead. "I am honored Sara."

I sighed and leaned back into him so I could sulk without him seeing my face.

---

Ellie, as always, was vigilant in being there for me and I knew that if I didn’t answer she would come over.

My boss Gabriel and his wife Anna called often as well, but since they never saw me I was able to make them believe I was as fine as someone who lost a child could be.

Thanksgiving was horrible as it consisted of extended family offering condolences all day. I lost my appetite when I saw everyone flock around the extra Oreo truffle dessert I brought. Out of habit I made two because I knew it was my son's favorite and I usually left one at home for him to snack on.

Hunter’s beloved Giants played on television. I always got a kick out of how Daddy rooted for the other team just to rile his only grandson up. I couldn’t be in the living room watching my father look miserable while obviously thinking of the same memory. I ended up going home early and drinking until I passed out.

Christmas was almost the death of me. I decorated our tree just the way Hunter liked it and set out his stocking. I openly wept under the tree Christmas morning when he wasn’t there to open his presents. I still don’t know how I made it, the thought crossed my mind many times to just give up.

More than once I had the bottle of sleeping pills the doctor gave after Hunter died in my hand but I could never seem actually go through with it. Instead I made my way to the piano and started pouring my heartache into the ivories. I paused soon after I started playing when I caught a small whiff of Hunter's favorite cologne but it felt like I was being urged to continue so I did.

New Years Eve I turned off my phone, downed a bottle of tequila early and slept through it all.

Chapter Fourteen

Slowly life picked up some semblance of normalcy. The heartache, while never disappearing, seemed to not be as front and center as it had been.

Immediately following the accident, Adam and Jane both called with Jane calling more often but I never answered. After awhile all the calls stopped. Ellie told me they were at the funeral. I remembered seeing Adam but Jane being there was news to me but then again, I did not remember much from that time. She also told me she thought Kevin had found a steady girlfriend since he rarely came by the club anymore.

I started hanging out in the bar that was located in the ground floor of businesses at the Terrazzo. I would sit in a corner and drink til I was inebriated enough to face my empty apartment. Once I was sufficiently numb I would head to the place that no longer felt like home.

Ellie tried and tried to get me to go out with her but I refused. I had managed to push her away enough that our daily phone calls were our only contact.

It was on a Monday night in late January as I was leaving the bar that I ran into Adam in the elevator. Unsurprisingly, he had a tall attractive young blonde on his arm.

It was obvious I was wasted as I slurred. "Adam hiiiii."

"Sara, what a pleasant surprise" His appearance changed from happy to see me to concerned once he got a good look at my face. I had lost twenty pounds from my already thin frame since Hunter's passing. "Are you ok?"

I stared at him and put on my best fake smile. "I’m good thanks, you look well."

He still looked so hot.

"You've lost weight." Adam appeared troubled as he grabbed my hands. "Seriously, how have you been getting along?"

I could feel my tears start to pool. I took a deep breath to steady myself, "I’m surviving the best I can."

The elevator dinged to notify me that I had reached my floor granting me an escape.

"It was great seeing you again Adam. You two have fun." I added without malice, nodding toward his arm candy.

I rushed out of the elevator, barely making it inside my door before completely losing it again.

I had been doing so well, it had been at least a week since I shed massive tears like this. Seeing Adam brought it all back. One of my best nights ever followed by the worst day of my life.

Will those two always be linked?

"Get it together girl!" I said to myself as I stumbled toward liquor cabinet. "Hunter wouldn’t want you to spend all your time crying like this."

I mixed myself a drink and tried to dry my eyes but it wasn't working when I heard my doorbell.

I tried to ignore it but whoever was at my door was persistent. I finally stumbled back to the door and opened it.

Surprise was evident in my voice. "Adam what are you doing here? I thought you had a date?"

"You looked like you needed a friend," He pulled me to his chest and wrapped his massive arms around me. He stepped into the apartment while maintaining the embrace and closed the door.

I let go and sobbed into his chest. Strangely it felt comforting to cry with someone instead of crying alone.

"I've been so worried about you but I haven’t known what to say."

I looked up at him, "What did you do with your date?"

Distress washed over his face. "After seeing you on the elevator I explained to her that I needed to come check on you. She wasn’t happy but she understood. You don’t look well, have you eaten today?"

I meekly shook my head and he escorted me to a seat at the breakfast bar and poured my drink in the sink before he grabbed all the empty liquor bottles and tossed them in the trash. "You have had enough to drink tonight. Let me fix you something to eat." He then moved to the refrigerator and cursed to himself as he opened it.

He grabbed the box of leftovers from the dinner we shared that I had brought home. He opened it and closed it quickly turning toward the trash can.

"Put that back it's Hunter's!" I screamed to him.

He opened the refrigerator again and returned the box to where he retrieved it from before he scanned the contents. "You have no food in here!"

I shrugged and spun my hair around my index finger. "I haven't felt like eating lately."

"I'm not going to let you do this to yourself. Just because whiskey is made from corn, that doesn't make it a food." Anger and concern were combined in his voice as he grabbed his phone and hit a number.

"Jane, hey do me a favor, can you grab some food from Puckett’s and bring it to Sara’s apartment…one floor below mine but same door…get a variety cause I’m not sure…not good…worse than we ever imagined…thanks sis love ya…bye."

I squinched my nose, "I'm okay. You don’t have to do this." I absolutely did not need him, of all people, worrying about me.

"You are far from okay, you're skin and bones." He looked at the mess that was my apartment. I had not cleaned it since the funeral two and a half months ago. "Ellie told me you were in bad shape but I had no idea it was this bad."

I was surprised he talked to Ellie, she hadn’t mentioned it to me. "When do you talk to her?"

"I see her when she comes by Anthracite or when I go to Charley’s."

"Oh, I see." I sighed, "She's been trying to get me to go out but I haven't felt like it."

"You should go, you can’t stay cooped up in here all the time." Adam waved his hands around the apartment. "It will drive you crazy."

I laughed bitterly. "I think I reached that destination awhile ago."

He grabbed my hands as he gazed into my eyes "I can tell, I am so sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?" His eyes were full of genuine concern. It was humbling to know he cared.

I began to tear up again as I spoke. "Thanks but I'm beyond help."

The doorbell chimed and Adam jumped up, "That'll be Jane."

He hurried to answer the door and usher her in.

Jane froze as soon as she laid her eyes on me. "Oh girl, you look terrible!"

Adam grabbed the bags from her hands and rushed into the kitchen.

I smiled through my tears, "Gee thanks Jane, it’s good to see you too."

Her lips curled up then she wrapped her arms around me. "I’m sorry. I’d ask how you're holding up but I can tell. I tried and tried to call you, why don’t you answer your phone? I've been worried about you."

I shrugged, "I haven’t felt much like talking."

She squeezed me tighter. "From the looks of this place you haven't felt like much of anything. From now on you better answer my call or I'll come bang on your door til you let me in do you understand?"

I sniffled. "Yes Ma’am."

While Jane and I had been talking Adam sat out all the food. He handed me a plate. "I didn’t know what you liked so I had Jane get a variety."

His expression hardened. "Eat up. That's an order." His tone was one not to be taken lightly.

As I surveyed the spread I noticed that I had developed some appetite so I placed a fried pork chop and some mashed potatoes on my plate along with a small spoonful of green beans and a piece of cornbread. I took a seat at the breakfast bar and Jane poured a glass of tea from the jug she had brought.

The three of us sat and they made small talk while I nibbled at my food. It was nice. I found myself laughing for the first time in months as they shared embarrassing stories from their childhood in rural Kentucky.

It wasn’t long til I helped myself to a second helping. Jane and Adam both smiled at each other as I did so.

They continued telling stories until I noticed it was almost eleven. It amazed me that time had flown by so fast.

I felt happy and relaxed for the first time since the wreck. Their small act of kindness had me feeling, if only for a moment, as if I might make it.

Adam and Jane prepared to leave but before they could get to the door I pulled them both into a hug. "Thank you guys, you have no idea how much you have helped me tonight."

Jane grabbed my chin and tilted my head down so that I was looking in her eyes "I haven't lost a child but I have lost someone who was my world so if you need to talk, I'm only a phone call away. If you need anything at all, I'm here for you. Do you understand?"

I nodded and smiled.

Adam chimed in as he pulled me into a hug all my own. "Same goes for me too."

"Thanks again guys. I needed this." I said to them as they walked out the door.

That night I managed sleep without the tears or nightmares I had grown so accustomed to.

---

Life became more manageable after that night. I found myself able to smile more. I even caught myself laughing on a few occasions.

Ellie seemed to be relieved that I was becoming my old self again and true to her word Jane called every night. We became close over our respective losses. Even though I had never met her husband Jason I felt like I knew him and she was the same about my Hunter.

Adam would come by almost every night with food in hand or would insist on taking me for a bite to eat. I don’t think he trusted me to feed myself but in all the time we spent together he never once made a pass at me nor did he mention that night we shared.

We discovered we shared many common interests, music being the main one. We both played piano and guitar while Adam also played drums and bass. I told him he could be a one-man band.

I figured out quickly he was a lot like my Daddy; he was all bark and no bite, a big teddy bear beneath his rough exterior.

I found myself looking forward to my time with Adam more and more. He had become a good friend. More than once I entertained the thought of us becoming more but would dismiss those thoughts quickly as they were too painful.

I started going out most nights since I still hated being alone in my apartment. Usually I found myself sitting at the corner of the bar at Anthracite talking to Jane. It was on one such night that she broached the subject of her brother.

"So what's the deal with you and Adam?" Her look was serious.

"I’m not sure what you mean? He’s a great friend." I knew where she was going but had no desire to go there.

"Just a friend?" She raised her eyebrows suspiciously.

"Yeah, I mean we had that one really amazing night together, but that was the night before" I started to choke up. "The accident."

Jane placed her hand on mine. "I’m sorry girl, I didn’t mean to bring that up. I wasn’t thinking."

I gathered my emotions. "No, it’s ok. It’s just that he's never tried again and to be honest I’m not sure I could respond given the memories attached to that night and the connection to the next day."

I sighed before continuing, "He’s a great guy, a really great guy. He's nothing like I first thought. Any woman who captures his heart will be lucky. I just don’t know if I can ever get past the connection. Does that make sense?"

Jane gave me a sympathetic nod "Yes it does but I wish you could. He has a good heart and I'd love nothing more than for the two of you to end up together."

"I’m sorry Jane, I wish I could but I don’t see that happening any time soon. Besides, why would he want to give up his plethora of women? I can't compete with them. It seems he has a definite type and I’m not it."

Jane walked around the bar and placed her arm over my shoulder. "I know Adam better than anyone. He may like his mindless blondes but he needs you. Deep down he knows this but he’s scared."

"I’m scared too but this conversation is useless. We have both placed each other firmly in the friend zone. I don't hold a candle with these girls." I felt a tear trickle down my cheek as I noticed Adam ascending the stairs with a couple of girls following close behind.

I tilted my head in his direction, "See what I mean?"

Adam approached with a huge grin on his ruggedly handsome face. "What are you two talking about?" His smile faded as soon as he noticed my red eyes. "You ok Sara?"

I wiped the tear away as I squinched my nose and put on my best fake smile. "Yeah, I’m fine. I still have my moments from time to time."

Adam pulled me into a hug, "I understand. I’m just happy to see you feeling better for the most part."

Jane reached across and jabbed me in the ribs. "I am too."

I smiled and this time it was real.

---

On a Tuesday after I left work I stopped by Hunter's grave as usual. Since it was St. Patrick's Day I left a stuffed leprechaun on his headstone and as I was leaving my phone rang. I glanced down to see Ellie calling.

I answered cheerily "Hey girly, what’s happening?"

"You are, whatcha doing Friday night? I think it’s someone’s birthday."

I grimaced at the thought. I hated birthdays, especially mine. It was only a yearly reminder of what had been done to me. I also did not need a special day to tell me that I was getting older. "Uhg, I quit having those years ago. I don’t have any plans why?"

Ellie laughed. "I took the night off and just thought we could grab a bite to eat then get totally shit faced."

I giggled, "I think I could manage that."

"Sounds like a plan then. How about I come by your place at seven? Make sure you dress like a slut."

I was seriously laughing at that point. "So what you're saying is that I need to come by your place to borrow some clothes?"

Ellie playfully snapped back. "Heck no, get your own slut clothes. I bet you still have some in the back of your closet."

"Nope, hate to disappoint you but those aren't slut clothes. If it will make you happy I'll get right on that, where is it you shop at again?" I teased.

"Uh huh, I've seen your back office. I gotta go. Love ya girl."

I laughed mainly at myself for forgetting her amazement when she found all my mementos and clothes from the time we shared in L.A. For some reason I could never rid myself of them. "Love you too."

Chapter Fifteen

Friday came far too fast for my liking and as I walked through the Hunture building and into Moretti and Associates I noticed my coworkers had remembered. They had always been nice but they became even more so since the accident.

My office was decorated with pink and white streamers and balloons. Along the wall behind my desk hung a huge banner wishing me a happy birthday. Everyone in the office as well as my former coworkers in New York had signed it. This took some serious effort and thoughtfulness. I found myself welling up.

Jill, my secretary, noticed and came running up with a box of tissues. "I hoped you would like it."

Jill Abernathy was great at her job. At twenty-two, this was her first job out of college. She stood five foot nine with long honey blonde hair and blue eyes. She was efficient and intelligent and possessed a bubbly personality that many found infectious.

She really stepped up for me after Hunter’s death. I could learn a lot about embracing life from her.

She told me the day I interviewed her than she was a transsexual which took me by surprise because I had only met one other person who had become a woman willingly and neither of the women showed any traces that they were once male.

The other TS I knew had also worked for me…albeit for not very long. Renee Crews was the first hire I had made for the Nashville office and I considered myself lucky to have her, but after her brother passed away she traveled to her hometown and reconnected to her first love. The following week she returned with a large, quiet, red haired man by her side and told me she had eloped. I was sad for me but happy for her when she informed me she was moving back home to build a life with her new husband.

I was starting to figure out that the way television portrayed women like Jill and Renee was filled with stereotypes. Neither woman was overly female, nor were they overtly male. They were just women trying to live the life they were deprived of because an extra appendage in the middle of their body when they were born placed a different set of rules and expectations on them.

I let my gaze drift back to the beautiful young woman and the pride in her eyes as she stood next to me. The banner took tremendous effort and organization to arrange and I wondered if I was wasting the woman's talent having her be my secretary.

I looked at her with appreciation. "Did you arrange this?"

Jill nodded. "I mentioned it and everyone else jumped in. Mrs. Moretti made sure everyone in New York signed it. This is a group effort. We know it has been a rough year and wanted you to know you are appreciated."

My tears began flowing freely as I hugged her. "It’s perfect, thank you. I know it couldn’t have been easy working with me lately."

Jill returned my embrace. "Oh Miss Collins, we understand. I doubt anyone could hold up as well as you have."

As soon as I walked in my office I took a seat behind my desk and called Gabriel’s private line. To my surprise Anna was the person who eagerly answered. "Buon Compleanno! caro amico."

I laughed and thanked my dear friend for her gleeful birthday wish. "Grazie il caro amico."

"We were hoping you would call. Have any plans?"

"My cousin and I are going out tonight and tomorrow I'm going to Mom and Dad's. She's cooking me baked rigatoni."

Anna showed her distain for how she perceives non Italians attempting to cook meals from her homeland. "Is her rigatoni as good as mine? Your cugina Ellie is a good girl. We like her very much. She looks after you."

Even though I'd never actually tell Anna, I think my Mama's rigatoni is the best thing in the entire world. Anna's was excellent but to me nothing compared to my mother's. "Don't be silly Anna. You know yours is fabulous and I agree Ellie is great but I'm lucky to have many friends who look after me."

"Such as?" Anna always wants to know every detail of my life so it did not surprise me she wanted to know about my other friends.

I decided to tease her a little. "You and Gabe."

Anna didn't like my evasive answer. "Yes yes but we don't count. We are too far away to properly look after you anymore."

"You want names?"

She was persistent as she pressed on. "I want to know i Suoi amici."

If it where my own mother submitting me to this inquisition I might have gotten slightly angry but I could never be mad at Anna even if I wanted to. Even though her and my mom were the same age Anna had a grandmother quality to her. "You want to know all my friends? Oh dear Anna you worry too much. My two closest other than Ellie are Adam and Jane. They really stepped in and saved me after Hunter."

"They sound like buone persone. Si sono sposati"

"Yes they are very good people. No they aren't married, they are brother and sister."

Anna's matchmaker side kicked in. "So this Adam, is he bello?"

I laughed again at her asking about his looks. I told her he is very handsome. "Si, lui á¨ molto bello."

"Tell me about him."

Lord I love this woman who cares about me so much. "I know what you're trying to do but he is just a very good friend, nothing more. I need to get to work. Thank you for the banner."

Anna took the hint and dropped the subject but I knew next time we talked she would try to weasel more information from me. "You are welcome sweet girl. Ti voglio molto bene."

"I love you very much too. Send Gabe my love. Miss you."

"Miss you too."

The rest of my day progressed as normal except for the chocolate birthday cake that Gabe and Anna arranged to have delivered at lunch. It was delicious.

After lunch I tried to reach Gabe to thank him.

"Thanks for the cake it was perfect." I said as soon as he answered.

"Prego. Are you having a good birthday? Anna said you have plans."

I cringed wondering if Anna was getting Gabe to do her dirty work. "So far so good and yes Ellie and I are going out."

"Who is this Adam Anna told me about?"

Yep, she is.

I couldn't help but to laugh. "Not you too. I successfully evaded Anna's questions, don't make me have to do the same with you."

Gabe sounded concerned. "We just worry about you. You need a good man to protect you."

I loved his protective nature but I tried to reassure him. "I have two good men to protect me. I have you and my Daddy, what more can a girl ask for?"

Gabe sighed. "We are not the same. You are so alone cara."

"I'm fine. I promise. I have done pretty well in my life without a man."

He was unrelenting and was beginning to upset me when he spoke again. "A beautiful woman like you needs a good man in your life to make you happy."

I finally voiced my frustrations. "Gabe, this is supposed to be a happy day for me and you are making me feel like an old zitella."

"You are no spinster sweet girl. I'm sorry. You take off early and go buy yourself something nice on the company card. I insist and have fun tonight."

His offer flattered me but I could not accept. "I'm not going to spend your money, I have plenty of my own thanks to you."

"Yes you will because it is my present to you and when I get the statement next month I better see a purchase for a new outfit or ci sará l'inferno a pagare."

I laughed when he told me there'd be hell to pay if I didn't go shopping on his dime. "If you insist. Thank you. I love you."

"Anch'io ti voglio bene. Happy Birthday."

I followed the boss's orders and left right after we ended our call and went shopping before heading home. I chuckled to myself, thankful the statement would not show what I actually bought. If it did then he would regret his gift.

---

After a long hot bubble bath and a couple shots of Petron I started to get ready. I put on my new black strapless bra and matching panty. I leaned over to blow my hair out, giving it maximum body and then over-did my eyes as I put on my makeup. My eyes really stood out in contrast.

I put on my new blue silk cami with black lace trim and new black leather mini skirt. I stepped out of the bathroom and sat on my bed so that I could pull on my new black stockings. I then pulled on my new black knee high boots before adding my old short black leather jacket. I admired myself and my thinner frame when I heard my door chime.

I stepped to the door and opened it quickly. "Is this slutty enough for you?"

Ellie laughed. "Yeah I think that covers it. You look great!"

She looked great in her obscenely short little black dress that left little to the imagination. I wished I had the body to pull that look off. "You do too, I hope you got that at a discount since it's only half a dress. You look amazing."

Ellie slapped my shoulder. "You're one to talk, if not for that jacket you'd show more skin than me." We hugged as Ellie wished me a happy birthday.

While eating sushi we laughed and joked til Ellie's expression turned serious. "Are you doing ok? You seem better but is it real or is it an act?"

I looked at her baffled, she knew me better than anyone. "I'm much better, I think it’s real. I still have my bad days but they aren’t as often as they used to be. Why do you ask?"

She sighed. "No reason, I just worry about you."

I smiled as I placed my hand on hers. "I know you do and I love you for it. You've always been there for me and always will be. I promise I'm doing better. Between you, Adam and Jane ya'll have pulled me out of my funk. I'll never be the same, that’s just not possible but I'm as good as I can possibly be and I owe a lot of that to you."

A relieved smile fell across Ellie's beautiful face. "Good and I know you would do the same for me."

I giggled, "You know it girl."

Ellie became serious again. "What's going on with you and Adam?"

I sighed and rubbed my head, "Not you too. You sound like Jane. He's just a great friend."

She placed her hand over mine. "He likes you a lot girl."

I pushed my plate to the side. Ellie's new topic caused me to lose my appetite. "I like him too…. As a friend. I feel like a broken record. I can't compete with the girls that hang on him all night, every night."

Ellie continued pressing the subject but fortunately her tone remained soft and caring. "You look better than those girls. How many times do I have to tell you that? I've seen how he looks at you when you aren't paying attention. He likes you as more than a friend. You need to give him a chance. You two are perfect for each other."

I felt a tear start to form. "I don't know, I'm not his type."

Realizing she wasn't getting anywhere she let the subject drop. "Let’s hit the clubs, we’ll hit Anthracite first and last, how does that sound?"

"Sounds good to me, let’s go."

As usual there was quite the line outside Anthracite when we stepped out of the cab and as usual Adam waved us to the front as soon as he saw us.

His eyes lit up as we approached. He stepped off his stool putting me into a bear hug "Wow, you look hot tonight birthday girl. Happy Birthday" He planted a warm kiss on my cheek.

I was confused since I hadn't told him when my birthday was. "Thanks, how ya been sexy?"

"I’m good, go have fun. Drinks are on me tonight." His smile was so bright it could have been seen from space.

I gave him another hug "Thanks, you’re the best" I kissed his cheek before turning toward the stairs.

I noticed he gave Ellie a wink as we walked past and I felt a tinge of anger.

Why was he winking at Ellie?

Why was I mad about it?

When we reached the top of the stairs I realized why he was winking.

Instead of the large bail bondsman banner that normally rested over the bar there was a huge Happy 29th Birthday Sara banner in its place. I laughed when I saw it.

I noticed Jane standing with an enormous smile motioning me over as she stepped from behind the bar.

I yelled to her and pointed to the banner. "I believe you're off by a few years."

She ran up and embraced me. "Happy Birthday, are you surprised?"

Hell I was in shock. They'd decorated the club with pink and black streamers along with balloons in the same colors all over the place. "Um, surprised is an understatement. I can’t believe you guys did this!"

Ellie joined in, "You like it?"

Happy tears started to flow. "Yeah, I love it."

Jane handed me a strawberry margarita. "Drink up birthday girl."

Jane and Adam had put up a sign over my usual seat that said ‘BIRTHDAY GIRL’ and it had arrows pointing down. All night long, as soon as Jane noticed my drink was close to empty she put another in my hand. By the time the band started I was feeling no pain.

Everyone who walked by was wishing me a happy birthday with many commenting how I didn’t look twenty-nine. I rolled my eyes and Jane laughed every time it happened.

"See, told ya you haven't aged like you think." Ellie teased after the fourth such comment.

I suck my tongue out at her. "Shut up, they're just drunk and the lighting's bad."

Right before the band went to intermission I looked up to see Adam on stage at the microphone. "I believe we have a birthday girl in the audience tonight. Sara will you join me on stage."

I froze in my seat but Ellie and Jane each grabbed an arm and dragged me to Adam who then lifted me on stage easily.

"Ladies and gentlemen I’d like your help in wishing Sara a happy…" While dramatically overacting he looked to the banner. "Twenty-ninth birthday."

The band started playing and the crowd joined in singing Happy Birthday to me. I stood in front of the horde of drunken revelers red faced until the song ended. When I thought the humiliation was over I turned to run back to my perch next to the bar but Adam didn’t release my hand.

With a loving look he started to speak again. "Sara, you're an amazing woman. You have been through so much this past year yet you are standing strong. I consider myself lucky to be able to call you a friend. I hope this next year grants you everything your heart desires and more."

I don’t know if it was the emotion in his words or all the alcohol in my system but before I realized what I was doing I launched myself into Adam, staggering him backwards as he took hold of me to try and gain his balance.

The crowd whooped and hollered as I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him deeply. He hesitated for a second before he pulled me into a tight embrace.

Once he released me, I peered deep into his darkening eyes, "Thank you for everything. I don't know where I'd be right now without you."

His expression became serious. "I’d do anything for you."

He released me from his embrace, grabbed my hand and led me back to my seat.

Once Adam made his way back down to the door Jane and Ellie leaned into me quizzically. "What was that?"

I started rubbing my temples. "I don’t know honestly, it just happened. I wasn’t thinking, it was like my body had a mind of its own."

Jane gave me a knowing look. "Seems to me your heart is trying to tell you something."

"Or it could be I'm drunk and your brother is insanely hot and too sweet for words." I responded, trying to play it off.

Ellie laughed, "Could be that too but I doubt it."

We were still laughing when a really cute guy approached. He looked at me with a frown. "I don’t feel too good."

"Why? Too much to drink?" I asked.

He shook his head and rubbed his stomach. "I feel like I have an elephant in my stomach."

I faked a shriek of horror. "A what?"

He looked down. "I think his truck is trying to get out."

Jane looked horrified and Ellie appeared to be stifling a laugh as they both stared at me wondering how I would react to his lame pickup attempt while all of the cute guy’s buddies were standing behind him egging him on.

I gazed seductively into his eyes as I placed my hand on his crotch and gripped it firmly. His eyes appeared ready to pop from their sockets as I spoke. "You have nothing to worry about honey, looks to me more like you swallowed a mouse and that’s his tail. That thing couldn't hurt anyone."

His face turned a nice shade of bright red as everyone around us started laughing. He turned to stomp off as his friends started calling him mouser as they followed.

Jane and Ellie were wiping tears away as Jane turned to me. "I loved that, I had no idea how you'd react. Most girls would just freak out."

Ellie stepped in, "Not me, I couldn’t wait to hear what she said, you should have seen the way she dealt with guys like that back in the day. I forgot how funny she can be when she tears a smartass down."

As the night wore on Ellie and I were having the time or our lives. I kept catching myself looking for Adam while I fended off drunken advances from more than a few of the guys. On the occasions our eyes met he seemed to be looking at the drunken men around me in the same way I glared at his groupies.

I was relieved when finally he joined us, taking a seat on the other side of Ellie. I found myself wanting to be closer to him.

This was my birthday

I did not want to go home to my empty apartment.

I wanted Adam for my birthday!

A little after midnight Greg walked in and it occurred to me that I didn’t even know he and Ellie were still dating. They must have been serious, I made a mental note that I had not been a good friend and that I needed to start asking Ellie about her life more. I also regretted not being nicer to him the first time we met when he once again gave me a disapproving look.

I had been wallowing in self-pity long enough.

Ellie ran over to greet Greg and I motioned Adam to the seat beside me that had just been vacated, he eagerly accepted.

I released a contented sigh as I rested my head on his broad shoulder and looked up. "Thank you for everything. This has been a wonderful night."

Adam placed his arm around me and kissed the top of my head "It's been my pleasure. You look wiped out, you want me to give you a ride home?"

I looked to him skeptically, "Don’t you have to close tonight?"

"No, Jane said she'd take care of everything." He reached behind my chair to retrieve my jacket.

Adam took my hand as I stood. "Let me tell everyone good-bye."

"Of course."

Adam first led me to Ellie and Greg where I gave her a hug, "I’m heading home. Thanks so much for everything. Love you."

"Love you too girl." She replied, "I’ll call you tomorrow afternoon. Hope you had a great birthday."

I bent down so we were eye to eye "It’s been the best birthday bar none."

Greg pulled me into a very awkward hug. "Happy birthday Sara, sorry I didn’t get here til late."

I smiled at him and decided to offer an olive branch. "It’s ok, thanks. The three of us need to grab a bite to eat one night to get better acquainted. Take care of my girl."

He nodded as I stepped away from them to see Jane standing next to Adam. I immediately embraced her, "Thank you for helping make this day special. You’re the best, I love you."

Jane smiled. "Love you too. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Sounds good."

Adam guided my arms into my jacket and placed his arm around my waist in the same protective way he did the first night we met. "You ready?"

I swung my arm in front of us, "Lead the way sir."

Chapter Sixteen

At the door of my apartment I turned to Adam, "Would you like to come in for a drink?"

He shook his head. "I think you need to get some sleep, maybe some other time."

I looked over at him, using my best puppy dog eyes. "Please come in, I don’t want to be alone."

He stared down at me with hesitancy being his prevalent emotion.

I placed my head on his shoulder and pouted at him though my lashes, "Please."

Adam smiled, "Sure, one drink. Okay?"

My eyes lit up. "Thanks, come on in."

Adam took a seat on the couch as I moved toward the fridge "I have beer, white or red wine, tea and water. If you want something stronger you can look in the bar in the corner."

"A beer would be good."

I snuggled up to him on the couch after returning with his drink. He placed his arm around me and I buried my head into his spansive chest taking in his aroma. "Mmmmm" I murmured.

Adam gently stroked my hair "I don’t think this is a good idea, you've had entirely too much to drink."

I lifted my head from his chest to his mouth and attempted to place a kiss on his sexy lips before he pulled away.

Adam exhaled a heavy sigh before placing his hands on either side of my face. "Sara, I want this. God I've wanted this since the last time, but not like this. I want you clear headed when you decide."

Undeterred, I sat my drink on the table in front of the couch. I straddled him and ran my fingers over his chest and tried to kiss him again and again he pushed me away.

He took a deep breath and as I stared at him with rampant wanting he appeared conflicted. "No, I can't, no. I get that us being together has bad memories for you, Jane's told me as much and I never want to do anything that adds to your hurt. You lost a child and your memory of losing him is closely tied to your memory of me I get that, I really do."

I winced at his words and snuggled closer to him running my fingers through his hair.

He kissed my forehead before continuing. "I treasure the friendship we have. I'll take you any way I can get you and us doing something tonight will jeopardize that. My days don't really start until I see you smile at me. I won't do anything that would take that feeling away. I don’t want you to wake up in the morning thinking I took advantage of you. I don’t know what I'd do if you thought that."

Adam cared, he cared more than any guy I had ever met. I wondered if I could get past this, I hoped I could get past this.

If I was to ever get beyond the terrible connection I had one night to do it. Otherwise I might never have the courage to do so again.

I moved from his lap and sat on my knees beside him on the couch. I took his hands in mine as I gazed into the eyes that were so full of emotion. "Adam, you're right, I’m not going to lie. I have issues. Issues I need to work through but I want this too. I need this."

I paused to make sure he was really paying attention to what I said next, "If I am ever going to get past this then I… need… to… do… this. Yes I am drunk but I'm not so drunk that I won’t remember anything that happens tonight. My drunk is one that allows me to lower the walls I have built."

I stopped for a second to gather my thoughts. I needed to say this and say it right so that he understood. I felt a tear trickle down my cheek.

"I overthink things Adam. I always have, I always will. Ask Ellie she'll tell you. For the first time in a long time I'm thinking with my heart and not my head. I've been hurt… badly… in the past and because of that my head won’t let anyone close to my heart. You're worried I'm too drunk and yes I'm very drunk, but what all that drinking has done is cloud my head and allow my heart to take charge. I don’t want to be alone tonight and if I just wanted a warm body I could've had one. You saw the guys who hit on me but it’s you." I pointed to his chest. "You are the only person I want to be with. Please don’t make me beg because I will."

Relief washed over Adam as I leaned in to kiss him. His kiss was timid at first, but as I placed one hand on his sculptured back and the other into his long locks the intensity picked up. I stood, breaking the kiss and gripped his arm to lead him up the stairs to my bed.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Adam asked hesitantly once we were standing at my bedside.

I quickly pulled his shirt over his head. "No I’m not but I need to do this. Just promise me you will still be here in the morning. I don’t want to wake up alone."

The hunger as well as the understanding in Adam’s eyes was palpable. "I promise."

I grinned up at him, "Now I want to do this." I emphasized want as I said it.

We hastily undressed each other, our desire reached a fever pitch. Once completely exposed to each other we embraced again as we fell to the bed.

The feel of his ripped bare chest against my exposed breasts was exhilarating.

As his hair mingled with mine and our lips touched I could feel his impressive proof of manhood against my stomach.

Oh why was it I didn't want this again?

He tilted his head and started nibbling on my neck as I ran my long nails down his back.

He peered straight into my eyes. "You are the most beautiful creature God has ever created."

I rolled my eyes as I writhed underneath his sculptured body, aching for him to be inside me but he was no hurry. He worked his mouth from my neck to my breast, cupping it in his large hand as his lips engulfed my nipple. His teeth gently bit down and I moaned in pleasure. After what felt like an eternity of exquisite torture, he released my breast before guiding his tongue down the center of my abdomen circling the sun burst around my belly button before exploring further.

I quivered as his mouth encompassed my sex and he manipulated my sensitive spot. I started gasping for breath as he alternately suckled then blasted me.

I wasn't able to hold out for long before I felt the wave of pleasure start at my toes before washing all over my body. My entire body shook and I screamed out his name as I climaxed. The feeling left me elated but wanting more.

I wrapped my fingers into his hair and pulled him up to me then rolled him to his back as I straddled him. Adam handed me the condom he had removed from his pocket earlier.

I ripped the packet open and removed it’s content. I squeezed the tip and gently rolled it into place before guiding his erection to my willing opening.

I placed my hands on his chest, tracing each sexy tattoo with the tips of my nails as I started to slowly rock back and forth. His now black eyes were focused on mine. I bit my bottom lip as I took in all this gorgeous man had to offer.

Wanting to increase the pace he grabbed my hips guiding me forcefully as my motions reached a frantic pace. My head was tossing to and fro as pleasure surrounded me.

I reached down and dug my nails into his ripped chest and that proved to be his undoing. He moaned loudly and I felt his body start to tense and that proved to be my undoing. I screamed out his name once again when I felt his release. I fell onto his chest panting, both our bodies drenched with sweat.

Once our breathing returned to normal he shifted me to his side and removed himself from my inner sanctum. I flinched from the sudden emptiness as he escaped from my confines.

He moved his hair from his face with his fingertips then did the same for me before again kissing me lightly on my lips. "That was amazing."

I smiled sweetly and nodded, "Yes, amazing is exactly what I was thinking"

A yawn escaped uncontrollably. The combination of a long day at work and a night of partying followed by delicious lovemaking had taken a toll.

"You look tired baby, get some sleep."

I gently caressed his cheek. "Will you be here when I wake up?"

Adam smiled and nodded his head. "Yes."

"You promise?"

He kissed my nose. "I promise."

I smiled as I leaned in for another kiss before turning my back to him and snuggled in as he wrapped his massive arms around me and pulled me close. He reached up and tenderly guided my hair from my face. Just as consciousness escaped me I could have sworn I heard him softly whisper, "I love you baby." I’m not sure if it was part of a dream or if he had really just said it but it left me wide awake. Love was a word I used freely with friends and family but not with a man.

I only ever told one man I loved him and he used my love against me.

---

I stretched as the sun shining through the window welcomed me into a new day. The events from the night before entered my mind making me smile. I stretched once more and reached over beside me to find an empty bed. I sat up immediately anxiously looking around before I heard a noise coming from the kitchen and the aroma of bacon reached my nose. I jumped out of bed and eased into my robe before going to find him.

"Good morning gorgeous." Adam greeted me cheerily as I walked in.

He was wearing his jeans that he had zipped up but did not button and nothing else.

That was a look I could get used to seeing every morning.

I eased over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist then kissed him on the cheek. "Good morning, there should be a law against someone looking this good so early." I rubbed his stomach. "You scared me when you weren’t in bed when I woke up."

Adam smiled, "Oh ye of little faith. I told you I'd be here, I was hoping to have this finished so I could bring you breakfast in bed."

I giggled at him using my words back at me before I wiggled my hips against him, "I have faith in you. Never doubt that. But I know what I’d like in bed this morning."

"Don't you worry, you'll get it." Adam said as he patted my bottom. "But breakfast is almost done and I hate cold breakfast. You sit your cute little butt down, I have this."

I took my seat at the bar and watched him move around the kitchen with ease. "You cook often?" I asked.

"Yeah, it’s relaxing. Nikki, my ex, wasn’t much of a cook and I hated eating out every night so I taught myself."

"You don’t talk about her much, what happened with you two?"

He shrugged nonchalantly, "There’s not much to tell, in many ways it feels like it all happened in a different life. I met her in California when I was with, um I mean, on the road as a… touring musician. I thought she was everything, we were inseparable but after awhile things changed and I got tired of the grind, it was such a crazy time. You have no idea how crazy life on the road can be. I hated everything about it except for playing, which unfortunately was only about two hours a night. We were hitting a rough patch and eventually I grew tired of all the time away from home so I quit the band."

Adam sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. "It went downhill after that. She wasn’t much for the role of housewife. She missed the excitement and the attention of the road. I enjoyed being home and not having so many demands on my time but we realized as we spent most of our days together without distractions that we really didn’t have much in common. We drifted apart slowly and she eventually ran off with a former bandmate."

I nodded sadly. "That couldn’t have been easy, especially with it being a friend. What band were you in?"

"It was very difficult and I took it hard but thankfully Jane got me through it, even dropping everything to help start the club to keep my mind off things."

I noticed he failed to tell me the name of the band. I didn't push the subject, figuring he would tell me when he was ready.

I smiled teasingly, "All the girls throwing themselves at you doesn’t hurt either."

Adam chuckled, "Not at first it didn’t, it was what I needed but then something happened and suddenly my carefree lifestyle felt hollow."

Feeling concerned, I looked up. "What happened?"

Adam turned away not saying anything and started back cooking.

"Adam, what happened?" I asked again.

He shrugged and rubbed his neck again before turning to face me. "You did."

I gasped. "I did? How did I change anything?"

Adam leaned across the bar grabbing my hands. "I met you and you had it all together. I didn’t think anything of it at first. I knew I was attracted to you, I mean who wouldn’t be? I made the mistake of approaching you like I do every other girl but you taught me quickly that you don’t suffer fools lightly and called me on my shit." He smiled at me and lifted his eyebrows.

His expression turned serious again. "We had that incredible night and you didn’t want more than a buddy. I was so relieved when you told me that because the feelings you stirred scared me and I figured I could have my cake and eat it too with what you wanted. Sadly your world changed the very next day and you shut down and shut everyone out."

I frowned at the memory.

Adam squeezed me hands. "I don’t know how you made it, I really don’t. That night I saw you in the elevator scared me to death. I saw this strong independent woman I had gotten to know all too briefly and she was shell of her former self. I knew I needed to help somehow. Thank goodness you let me, and the more I got to know you the more I learned that we have so much in common. We both play guitar and piano, we enjoy the same types of music, love the same movies, laugh at the same jokes. You call me on my shit; you keep me on my toes. The list of things we have in common is endless. You challenge me and make me better. I thought we could be just friends and I'd be happy with that but after awhile I wanted more. I'm a selfish man and I want a life with you. I just didn’t know how to approach it given everything you've been through."

Once more I felt tears prick the corners of my eyes. I had given up on being with anyone and suddenly I could not picture being with anyone but him. He had been there for me. He and his sister were the main ones who brought me out from my darkest moment. I knew I loved him as a friend but now I felt as if I could love him as more. I had nobody to live for but myself and I sincerely believed Adam was the one man who could make me happy.

Hunter would want me to be happy, that much I knew. Even if Adam hurt me at some point, it couldn’t be worse than the pain I had endured in the last six months.

Yes, I wanted this too. I wanted a life with Adam.

I squeezed his hands "I'm selfish too. Are you sure you know what you're getting into?"

Adam’s eyes widened and he nodded sincerely. "Sara, I think we're doing this right. We were friends first. You can't build on a better foundation."

I smiled and leaned across to kiss him. "I think so too but to be clear, we are exclusive. No more little coeds for you."

Adam laughed loudly, "Like any of them could hold a candle to you. I promise, just you and me from here on out." He leaned across the bar and started to speak again. "I lo.."

I kissed him to halt the words I wasn't ready to hear. "Shh it's too soon for that."

Adam nodded then practically jumped over the bar to embrace me before swinging me around in a circle. "Oh Baby, you just made me happier than I can remember being…ever!"

He set me down and rushed back to the stove to put our breakfast on plates and set them down on the bar. As we started to eat he looked at me lovingly before asking, "What do you want to do today?"

"I'm supposed to go to my parents for lunch, Mom always makes baked rigatoni for my birthday. I'd invite you to come along but I'm not sure they could handle the shock. They haven't seen me with anyone since… ever. I need to prepare them."

Adam smiled, "I understand. Why don’t you call me after you get home and we can do something."

I grinned at him. "Sounds like a plan."

From the living room I heard my phone ring, I rushed to get it and saw Jane’s face on my display. I smiled and handed the phone to Adam. "You wanna answer it? It will so mess with her!"

Adam laughed and grabbed the phone. "Hey sis what’s up?… what do you mean you didn’t mean to call me?… Why are you calling Sara?… Are you trying to find out if I was a gentleman or something?… No I’m good, great actually…. OK, love you too…bye."

Adam laughed as he hung up. "Wait for it, wait for it, and NOW"

At that moment the phone rang again.

"Hey sis, why do you keep calling me?"

I couldn’t contain my laughter as I snatched the phone from Adam, "Hey girl, what’s happening?"

Jane was laughing on the other end "Why did my brother answer your phone? Where are you?"

"I’m at home why?" I replied as if Adam being here was the most natural thing in the world.

"Why is my brother there?"

I snickered, "Jane, you're a big girl, do we really need to have that talk?"

I had to hold the phone away from my ear as Jane squealed. Adam heard it and started laughing again.

Jane sounded excited. "Oh my GOD, he spent the night?"

"Yes."

"And you're good?"

I stared into Adam's loving eyes as I whispered into the phone, "Better than good."

"Are you two like a couple now?" It sounded as if she was bouncing around her room.

I looked to Adam with a huge smile, "She wants to know if we are a couple."

Adam laughed, "I sure as hell hope we are." His deep voice responded loud enough for Jane to hear.

Jane squealed again, "I am so happy for you two, I hoped this would happen."

"I’m happy too."

"You deserve to be and tell my brother if he hurts you he'll have to answer to me."

I giggled, "Yes ma’am."

"I’ll let you go, Love you."

"Love you too."

As I hit end on my phone Adam looked at me "Sounds like Jane is as happy as we are."

I nodded. "I think she’s happier if that’s even possible."

Adam pulled me into his lap. "You are so beautiful."

I laughed at his words. "Have you already started drinking this morning?" I kissed his nose, "You sir are the one who is beautiful."

Adam hugged me tight. "The only thing I'm drinking this morning is the sight of you."

I shifted uncomfortably in his lap. "Stop it okay. You already have me, no need to pile it on so thick."

He looked at me as if I were insane. "You have no idea do you?"

"Please stop. I might be above average but I'm far from beautiful."

Adam rubbed his nose over mine. "You have the cutest button nose."

I laughed. "Of course you'd notice the youngest part of me first."

He pulled his head away so he could look at me. "What do you mean?"

"It's only twelve years old. I was… in an accident and they had to rebuild it."

"What kind of accident?"

"It doesn't matter, the point is, it's not really mine."

His kissed me. "How about your lips? Are they yours?"

"Sort of. They've been reconstructed too."

He placed his hand over my left breast. "How about this? The heart that's in there is the most beautiful part. You can't tell me it's not yours."

I smiled. "Yes that's all me but it's been damaged so much you're going to have to be gentle with it. I don't think it can handle much more."

He leaned over and kissed my chest ever so gently. "I promise to take care of it."

I was ready for the conversation to end so I jumped to my feet and tugged on his arm. "Come on, breakfast is getting cold."

After we finished eating the delicious meal I peered over at Adam with a sly grin. "Do you know the proper etiquette concerning whether dessert is allowed after breakfast?"

Adam returned my grin sinfully. "I believe not only is it allowed but it's required."

I shrieked happily as he tossed me over his shoulder and carried me back up the stairs to my bedroom.

Chapter Seventeen

My father greeted me as I stepped out of the cab in front of his home. "Happy Birthday Baby Girl."

I smiled as he gave me an all-encompassing embrace. "Thanks Daddy."

"Something wrong with the Mini?"

I shook my head. "No. It's supposed to be pretty all week so I wanted to drive the 911."

He grinned. I can't begin to describe the joy of seeing a positive emotion on his face as he said, "Sure thing. I'll get it out from under the cover and have it ready for you."

I leaned up and kissed his cheek. "Thanks. I'm going to go see if Mom needs any help."

He released me and turned to the garage with a frown. "Be careful in there. She's in a mood today."

I sighed loudly. "When is she not in a mood lately?"

Mom glared at me as I strolled in the kitchen. "What are you doing here?"

I smirked, still riding the high of seeing Daddy smile as well as the promise of a relationship with Adam. "Gee Mother. Don't act so happy to see your only child."

"Why do you look so happy?"

I smiled contentedly. "For the first time since everything happened I feel like I can make it."

Mom started to wash a pan in the sink. "Glad someone feels that way. Is there a person who is causing this happiness?"

I blushed.

Mom dried her hands on a towel before rolling her eyes. "I shoulda known, who is he?"

I inhaled a deep breath and braced for the Southern inquisition. The Southern inquisition is much like the Spanish inquisition minus the bloodshed plus the dungeons are much cleaner.

"His name is Adam Carson."

I could see Mom's mind working overtime. "Adam? I've met him haven’t I?"

I nodded as I leaned against the wall. "I think you may have. He was at Hunter’s funeral."

Her eyes widened as recognition set in. "Wait, is he the big guy with all the tattoos? I remember him." She started laughing hysterically.

Where was Mom going with this?

I eyed her warily. "Yes that’s him, he has long black hair."

Mom wiped her eyes, "Oh yeah, nobody can accuse you of not having a type that’s for sure. You'll never change."

I tried to laugh to prevent myself from raging at her. "I guess you're right."

In typical Mom fashion she looked up at me again with an evil grin as she reached in the cabinet for a bottle of Vodka. "That's a whole lotta man you got. Is everything big about him?"

I glared at her. My God it's not even noon yet. "Isn't it a little early to be drinking?"

She started again laughing uncontrollably. "Your pretty clothes and money doesn't hide a damn thing from me. You're still the same little whore you've always been. Why are you here anyways?"

I felt my tears coming. "He's the only man I've been with in almost fourteen years. I don't know why I'm here. I thought you invited me over for my birthday but heaven forbid you'd actually crawl out of your fucking bottle long enough to give a damn about me. You'll never change."

Mom stormed over with her fist drawn. "I'll knock that smart mouth right off that pretty face of yours."

I straightened and reached for her arm and bent to her face. "Go ahead if you think you can. I have a big surprise for you mother, I'm not that same scared little girl anymore and I fight back now."

Her fiery eyes never left mine. "Get out of my house."

I laughed. "I'll leave when I'm ready. You forget who paid for this house."

"ENOUGH! Let her go Liberty." My father's voice boomed from the doorway.

I looked up at my dad angrily. "You better teach your wife I'm not her punching bag anymore."

He walked over and placed his arm around my waist. "Let's go outside so everyone can calm down."

I released my mother and pulled away from my father's grasp before I stormed out to the yard and headed towards Mom’s flower garden.

I noticed the ceramic frog Hunter insisted we buy her and sat down beside it and ran my fingers over the green tiles covering it. I laughed before I started crying again as I remembered that day…

"Mom, Mom, Mom look at this!" Hunter, who was nine at the time, exclaimed as he held up a God-awful ugly mosaic color stone decorative frog he had found at booth as were strolling a craft fair in New York.

"Hunter! That's the tackiest thing I have ever seen!" I shrieked.

Someone had taken a small concrete frog and glued small pieces of different shades of green glass all over it even going so far as to glue small blue circular glass stones where the eyes should be.

"No it’s not Mom, it’s cool! Granny would love it in her garden." Hunter defiantly defended.

I laughed, "Hunter Robert Collins your Granny would NOT like that thing."

Hunter stomped his foot like he always did when he had his mind made up. "Yes she would Mom, she loves anything I give her. She told me so."

I giggled because I knew we were buying Mom an ugly frog. I could never say no to him when he was like that. He was going to make me buy it for her and truth be told, I couldn’t wait to see the look on her face when she saw it and realized she'd have to display it proudly.

Hunter put his hands together, "Please Mama, can we get it for her?"

I smiled and nodded my head, "Yes, we can get it but we'll have to wait until we visit next month to give it to her. I’m afraid it might break if we try to mail it." My reasons for waiting were two-fold. I wanted to be there to see her expression. Plus, knowing my mother, she'd see it, throw it away and swear up and down it was lost in the mail.

Hunter jumped up and down and hugged my waist. "Thanks Mom, I love you."

"I love you too."

The horrified look on Mom’s face as she opened the present Hunter so proudly gave her was priceless. I had no idea why I said no to begin with.

"Oh Hunter, this is really…" Mom looked down at her grandson’s happy face and paused. "Something special. I…I…I love it. Thank you."

Daddy laughed loudly as she removed it from the box. I couldn’t help but to laugh as well.

She shot us both dirty looks over Hunter’s shoulder as she hugged him.

I decided I needed to speak up. "He saw it at a craft fair and insisted we get it. I told him you wouldn’t like it but he guaranteed me that you'd love anything he got you."

Mom grimaced at me before smiling at Hunter. "He was right. It’s just perfect, thank you so much."

Hunter grabbed the frog in one hand before taking his grandmother’s hand with the other. "Come on Granny, I know just the place for it."

"Wait!" I yelled, "I need to get a picture of you two and the frog."

Hunter took the frog and held it out proudly in front of him as Mom stooped down beside him and put her arm around his side.

"Say ribbitt." I told them before snapping the picture.

Mom shot a ‘Help Me’ look in my direction as Hunter dragged her out the door. All Daddy and I could do was laugh as they left.

I felt my Daddy’s strong hand on my shoulder bringing me from my memory. "You know, your Mom panicked when you told us you were moving back because she had forgotten where she put that ugly thing. She knew he expected it to be right where they put it when he came back."

I chuckled. "Yeah, he would've been upset if it hadn't been here."

"Now, she wouldn’t move it for anything in the world. It’s one of her most prized possessions."

I sighed, "I know she wouldn’t. I’d be upset if she did."

Daddy’s grip tightened on my shoulder, "Baby girl, I'm so sorry." I could hear the pain in his voice.

I jumped up and wrapped my arms around his neck "Oh Daddy, it’s not your fault. Please stop blaming yourself."

Daddy embraced me and as soon as his huge loving arms wrapped around me I felt safe. I don’t think I had let him hug me like this since I was little, I'd been such a fool. Daddy started crying. "If I'd gone a different direction, if I'd gone a little faster or a little slower this wouldn’t have happened."

My heart shattered to see him like this. "No Daddy No." I lifted my head from his shoulder so I could look into his piercing blue eyes so much like mine and so clouded by pain. "It’s not your fault. God decided he needed Hunter for something special. It’s not our place to question it. I had hoped to grow old and have grandkids bouncing on my knee but God had other plans. I don’t understand it but I don’t blame you. You have to stop blaming yourself."

Daddy regained himself and wiped his eyes as he pulled me to his side. He wasn't going to listen to me. I knew he wasn't saying anymore on the subject. "So, did I overhear correctly? You have a boyfriend?"

I sniffled. "Yes I do."

"It’s about damn time, when do I get to meet him?" He was his pleasantly gruff self again.

I giggled. "I’m not sure if I'm ready for you to scare him off just yet."

"Who is he?"

I rolled my eyes to Daddy’s insistent questioning. "His name is Adam Carson, he and his sister own a bar downtown."

Daddy seemed deep in thought then suddenly his expression changed to shock "Wait, is he the big guy with the long hair and tattoos? I met him at the funeral I think."

Something about the way he said it struck me as funny and I started to laugh. "Yes Daddy, why do you sound so surprised?"

Daddy shook his head and sighed but he still wore a grin, "I don’t know baby girl. It seems like the more things change the more they stay the same. He seems to be a good man. You need to bring him around cause he's one I couldn't scare off if I wanted too."

I giggled and he pulled me in close before he smiled at me. "It's warms my heart to hear you laughing again. I thought after all this I'd never hear it anymore."

I was clinging to the one man in my life that had never let me down when he started talking again. "You can't let your mother get you worked up like that."

I started to cry once more. "Why does she hate me so much?"

"Oh Baby Girl, she doesn't hate you. She loves you more than anything on this earth but she's hurting and lashing out at the person she loves the most. The problem with that is you two are so much alike that you both know the exact buttons to push."

I hugged him tighter. "I'm barely holding on as it is Daddy and I can't take it. I'm going to have to keep my distance from her if I want to survive." I looked up to stare into his sad eyes. "I hope you know that when I stop coming around it has nothing to do with you. You can call me anytime you want and maybe we can go riding on the weekends like we used to do but I can't be around her when she is like this."

My father sighed. "I know Lib, I know. I don't blame you at all."

My phone rang and as I looked to see who it was Daddy told me he was going out to the garage. I nodded as I answered Ellie’s call.

"Hold on girl."

I looked over at Daddy. "Is the 911 ready yet?"

He shook his head. "I followed you in the house afraid of how your mother would act. I'm heading there now to take care of it."

"Thanks Daddy." I turned my attention back to the phone. "Hey, sorry about that."

"What’s up girly?" Ellie sounded happy.

"Not much, spending the day with Mom and Daddy"

She groaned. "How's that going?"

"Mom's in rare form. I won't be making the same mistake in the near future. She forgot it's my birthday and didn't even remember inviting me over."

"Oh I'm sorry girl."

"No bigs. I'm used to it."

"Enough about that. Did you have fun last night?"

I smiled at the memory and sighed contently, "I had the best time."

"I’m glad. Hey wait, did you just sigh? I know that sigh! Something happened between you and Adam after you left the club didn't it?"

Dang she knows me too well

I giggled. "Yeah, you could say that something happened and it happened again this morning after he cooked me breakfast."

"Spill it, you slept with Adam again didn’t you?" Ellie sounded as excited as Jane.

"Yes I did, it was great. We are going to try for a relationship."

I could feel her happiness for me through the phone, "He loves you girl. He has for a while. You finally landed a good guy."

I was having a good day so I let what she said about Adam loving me slide. "I think I did. Speaking of guys, how serious are you and Greg? You usually don’t keep one this long."

Ellie giggled. "I can’t get into that right now, I'll tell you when I see you."

"He doesn't like me does he?"

"I wouldn't say that."

"What's with the vague answers?" Then it dawned on me. "He’s beside you isn’t he?"

"Yeah" She giggled again.

"In that case I'll let you go."

"OK, tell Uncle Rob I said hi. Love you."

"Love you too."

I walked to the garage to see that Daddy was in the middle of dropping the top on my Porsche so I pulled my hair into a ponytail as I walked over.

"It's got a half tank of gas in her but it's old so you'll want to top her off before you go home."

I smiled and kissed my father. "Thanks Daddy. You're the best."

He smiled as he opened my door. "No Baby Girl, I'm just a grumpy old man who happens to love you more than anything."

I laughed as I sat behind the wheel. "I love you too."

I called Adam as soon as I hit the open road. "Hey baby, whatcha doing?" I asked as soon as he answered his phone.

"Waiting for the most beautiful woman on the planet to call." he replied smoothly.

"Oh, in that case I should let you go so you don’t miss her call." I teased.

"Don’t you dare! I meant you and you know it." Adam growled. Growling Adam was sexy.

"Awe, aren’t you sweet."

"Where are you? Sounds like you're in a wind tunnel."

I laughed, "I'm in my convertible. I decided to drive it home since it's so pretty out."

Adam chuckled, "I didn't know you had another car."

"Yeah, it's my summer car. You want to drive me to grab a bite to eat? I'm starving."

"You want to eat again? I thought you just ate." Adam sounded surprised.

I sighed. "I don't want to talk about it. Just meet me at the entrance in about twenty minutes. How does fast food sound? I want something quick so we can get to dessert."

Adam's voice dropped a couple of octaves when he realized what I was proposing. "Sounds good, let me hop in the shower then I’ll be waiting."

The look on Adam's face was priceless as I pulled to the curb in front of the Terrazzo.

"This is one hell of a summer car." He said as he inspected it closely before getting in.

I smiled wildly. I've loved this car since the day I got it. "It's my favorite but I won't take her out in bad weather."

His gorgeous brown eyes shimmered with almost the same amount of passion I thought had been reserved for me. "I don't blame you. When are you going to let me drive it?"

I laughed so loudly that people walking on the sidewalk turned to stare. I stepped on the gas and shot into the road so quickly that it threw us back into our seats. "Do you think you could handle it?"

I was half expecting him to be scared when I glanced at him but he was the complete opposite. He laughed as he placed his hand on my leg. "I can handle anything you've got baby."

---

After eating and sharing "dessert" we were lying in a postcoital glow. I started looking closely at his tattoos. I noticed a wolf, an angel, an eagle, a cross, a bell, more tribal markings, an American flag waving and a heart that looked like it had a name covered up with images of it breaking.

I traced the heart on the left of his chest, "Was that originally your ex?"

He sighed. "Yeah."

I then pointed to the cross in the center of his chest. "What about this?"

"I got that right after my parents were killed."

I pointed to the angel. "I thought that was for them."

He shook his head sadly. "I don't want to talk about that one."

I didn't know what it signified but I knew it was something bad so instead I traced my fingers on the bell over his heart. "And this?"

He laughed. "That was my first one. It’s kind of silly."

"How so?"

My strong man actually looked embarrassed and I found myself giggling as he responded. "There was this girl that was in all the best videos back in the day. Oh my God she was gorgeous. She had long blonde hair and legs for days. She eventually started her own band. She was so hot. She had the face and voice of an angel. Her name was Belle. You remind me of her in some ways. I had such a huge crush on her. I’d see pictures of her partying in the mags and I fell into a teenaged version of love. Good God I used to dream of her. She's the reason I started playing."

I shifted uncomfortably hoping he didn’t notice. "You got a tattoo for some girl you never met?"

Adam smiled shyly "I told you it was silly, I wanted her close to my heart. She was my first kiss. I always dreamed I would meet her again and she would fall head over heels for me."

I looked at him puzzled. "First kiss?"

Adam laughed fondly as he shared his sweet memory with me. "Yeah, I was thirteen at the time and carried a sign that said Belle please be my first kiss. I didn't even know if she would be there because she was just a back up dancer for a group called Annihilation then. I made Jane and uh I mean I made Jane, wait with me by the back door hoping to see her go to the bus and sure enough she did. I screamed her name and waved the sign."

Adam's eyes lit up with such joy. "She turned and walked toward me. I was too star struck to move. Jane, who was real bitch back then, shoved me towards her telling me she wasn't anything special along with a few other things I won't repeat. Belle looked at me and with the cutest southern accent said. "Your sister's right. I ain't nobody special but it would be an honor to give such a good looking young man a kiss." She leaned down and kissed me on the lips. I was in heaven as she hugged me tightly and in love even more than I was before."

Adam's mood suddenly soured as an obvious unpleasant memory surfaced. He attempted to turn away but I gripped his hand tightly. "What are thinking of now?"

He shook his head. "Nothing important."

I moved so we were face to face. "Yes it is, something's bothering you. What is it?"

His beautiful eyes started to gloss over. "On the way home from the concert we were in a really bad wreck. It messed me up pretty good, the memory of her kiss was what kept me going when I wanted to give up. Jane used her as motivation to keep me going. She would say, 'How are you going to kiss Belle again if you just give up?' or when I refused to do my therapy she would yell, 'Do you think Belle would kiss a quitter?' It kept me going." Adam became embarrassed again and buried his face in my hair. "I told you it was silly."

I was overcome with emotions as I hugged him as tight as I possibly could. "Doesn’t sound silly to me, it sounds sweet. I bet she'd love to know she actually had a positive impact on someone." I turned to kiss his nose. "That must have been one hell of a kiss."

Adam's hand gripped the back of my hair as he refused to let me pull away. "It was, but compared to yours it was nothing."

I melted with his words and kissed him again and again and again.

Adam pulled me away after awhile and stared at me. "Baby, can I ask you a question?"

I laughed. "Is this the get to know you better pillow talk?"

Adam smiled and gently stroked my arm. "I guess you can say that."

I rolled to my side and draped my leg over his lower body. "What do you want to know?"

"What color are you eyes?"

I shifted nervously. "What do you mean?"

"I know you are wearing colored contacts. I've always wondered what they really look like. I know they are a shade of blue cause I've seen them shift before"

If I really want this man to be a part of my life then at some point he's going to find out anyways. I crawled out of bed and turned to him. "I'll be right back, don't go anywhere." I rushed to my bathroom and removed the lenses and with more than a little trepidation I walked back toward Adam and stared into his eyes.

He gasped slightly. "Why would you hide those? They are breathtaking."

I shifted nervously before he pulled me to him in my bed. "You're going to have to get used to compliments sweetheart because I'm going to shower you with them."

My eyes perked up. "Did you say shower?" I wiggled my eyebrows. "That could be fun."

My man didn't need any further prompting. "Race you there."

Chapter Eighteen

The next two months flew by as Adam and I continued to get closer. While I was still afraid to say it out loud there was no doubt in my heart that I loved him more than I ever thought I could love a man. He knew I wasn't comfortable saying it so he didn't push me and tried not to say it to me but occasionally it would slip out before he realized it.

We showed our love without words and his constant compliments caused my confidence to flourish. With his gentle prodding I started dressing in more flattering outfits for work and wore my hair down almost constantly.

I found myself hanging at Anthracite more and more. It was there that we had our first fight.

After an exceptionally bad day during the wrong time of the month I was walking back from the restroom when I saw a tall leggy blonde approach Adam and place her arms around his neck. It might have been my mood but Adam was not quick enough to brush off her advances for my liking. I angrily stomped over to them when I witnessed her give my man a kiss on the cheek. Adam quickly moved away from her as soon as he caught a glimpse at me.

I glared at him, "Why don’t you introduce me to your friend Zeus?"

Adam stumbled over his words, "Sara, this is Kaylee. Kaylee this is my old lady Sara."

Old Lady? What the fuck? I’m not that old!

Before anything else could be said I bolted to the bar for my purse then turned on my heels and stormed out the back with Adam following close behind.

"Baby what’s wrong?" Adam asked as I walked away.

"Nothing." I screamed and didn’t slow down.

Adam grabbed my arms, halting my progress. "Baby, STOP."

I turned to him, "What?"

"Why are you so mad?"

I glared at this idiot I loved. "You don’t know?"

"She’s just an old friend saying hi. Why are you so upset?"

I glared at him. "Oh I don’t know. Sometimes seeing a beautiful tall young blond wrapping her arms around my boyfriend who only introduces me after I make him do so upsets me." I smacked his chest. "Then to make it worse he introduces me as an old woman." I turned to walk away again, "You’re right, I have no reason at all to be upset."

Adam looked bewildered. "Am I missing something? I introduced you as my girlfriend so she'd know we're together."

I spun around as I screamed in his face. "No you didn’t! You introduced me as your old lady."

"Same difference." Adam said defensively.

I tried to calm myself. "No it’s not. Your girlfriend is someone you care for and are committed to. Your old lady is someone you are stuck with while you wish you were with someone younger."

"I don’t see it that way. Hell honey you look just as young as almost any girl that comes in here."

I dropped my posture in defeat. "I do Adam, the way I see it is you are just holding on to me until something better comes along. I've seen the type of women you go for and I’m not it. You like them tall, you like them young and you like them blonde. I'm only one of the three."

I sighed before I continued, "I often wonder why you're with me. I worry everyday that you're going to leave me for your usual type and what you did and said in there only reinforced my insecurities."

Adam gazed at me with hurt and understanding. He pulled me to his chest. "I'm sorry Baby. You really think I could just turn off my feelings like that. How can I wait for someone better when I'm already with the best? I had no idea. Is that why you won't let me tell you how I feel?"

I nodded shyly, "I've heard those words before but they've never meant anything to the person who told me."

He held on to me as if he needed me to survive. "You mean everything to me. I adore you, I cherish you, I love you and only you. I honestly meant it as a term of endearment but I’ll never call you that again. I’m not going anywhere. In my defense I am a man so I'll probably continue to look but I give you my word I will never touch and if I do, you can cut off something I need."

I laughed through my tears and launched my lips toward his, "I may hold you too that. I’m sorry for getting so upset."

Adam hugged me tightly. "There's nothing to be sorry about. I should have been more understanding."

After that Adam was vigilant in ignoring the advances of the many women who hit on him, especially the tall blond ones. He was also quick to introduce me as the ‘love of his life’ to women and as his girlfriend to men. Jane often laughed when he did it but I loved him all the more because of his efforts to put my mind at ease.

My jealousy eased but did not dissipate after that. One particular night I was talking to Jane about a fight her and Adam were having as a leggy blonde and her brunette friend approached the bar for a drink. I had been having a really good day until I came to the bar and had to play mediator, both were being unreasonable and it shot my mood to hell and back. While waiting for Jane to fix their drinks I overheard the girls talking.

"Oh my God Courtney, I’d so do Zeus but I hear he has a girlfriend now." The blonde said to her friend.

"Come on Katie, like that matters, he doesn’t have a ring on his finger. Seriously, I hear she's old and she can’t be as hot as you. I say go for it. He'll respond cause I bet she's not taking care of him anyways." Replied the brunette.

"I think you’re right." Katie said as she smoothed her mini skirt and adjusted her impressive breasts. "She can’t be as hot as I am."

This would have made me mad on a good day but since I was already in a foul mood my blood started to boil and I clinched my fists. This egotistical bitch was about to get it.

The entire scene didn’t escape Jane’s notice.

Jane tried to diffuse the situation but even I had to admit she might have lacked tact. "Just a piece of friendly advice sluts." She warned the girls, "He does have a girlfriend and it would be in your best interest to just forget about him if you know what’s good for you."

Katie began to laugh, "Yeah yeah, whatever you say mom, I think I’ll let him decide. Why wouldn’t he want a shot at this?" she then motioned over her body.

Jane laughed at the blonde's comments. "Oh I don't know. Maybe he has taste."

Courtney glared at Jane. "This isn't any of your concern. Just keep you minimum wage opinions to yourself and get our drinks."

Jane gave me a 'sic em' look and at that moment I caught sight of Adam walking up the stairs. The blonde noticed about the same time and turned to walk to him.

Before she had a chance to even take one step toward my man, I jumped off my stool and grabbed a handful of her bleached hair and yanked her back toward me. She was much shorter than me so I had to lean down to get in her face.

"Bitch if you take one more step toward him it will be your last." I grumbled.

"What the hell is your problem?" Courtney screamed as she charged at me with her fist drawn.

"You aren't saying anything new about me but you better quit being such a bitch and leave my boyfriend alone." My wild past stepped to the forefront when I shoved the blonde into her friend causing them both to stumble before I hit the brunette with everything I had. When Katie lurched at me I used her momentum to smash her face into the bar before dropping her next to her friend on the floor. I stood over the pair and used a very calm voice. "You two are my problem if you think you're going to hit on my man and get away with it."

Both sets of eyes widened in alarm as Katie spoke. "You are Zeus’s girlfriend?"

Adam witnessed everything and rushed to my side wrapping an arm around my waist. "Yes she is, why?"

The blonde spoke again, "Um, no reason. We were just leaving. Come on Courtney."

As they scampered off the floor and hurried down the stairs Adam looked at me with great amusement in his eyes. "What was that about?"

Jane wore a confused look on her face before she high-fived me over the bar and I glanced at the clearly amused love of my life with a mixture of anger and desire in my eyes "Oh nothing at all honey. I just didn’t agree with their plans for the evening."

Adam started laughing harder. "Baby, are you jealous?"

"No! Well maybe, but only when they start talking about what they want to do to you right in front of me."

Adam rubbed the back of his neck. "Fair enough, I’d be the same way but you don’t have to worry."

Jane slid Adam a beer. "Remind me to never piss off your girlfriend, she has a scary temper."

"You didn't know?" Adam chuckled, "You don't even want to be on the receiving end of it. Trust me."

I playfully smacked his chest. "I'm not that bad."

Adam pulled me in close for a kiss. "Nooo baby. You don't have a bad temper at all. On a totally different subject I was wondering if you'd want a job as a bouncer on the weekends?"

Jane laughed at the sarcasm that dripped from her brother 's words. "Careful there, looks like you're pissing her off."

Ellie darted up the stairs with a puzzled look as she motioned to the door with her thumb. "What was that about? Those two girls looked scared to death."

Adam and Jane laughed while I buried my head in my man's broad shoulder so Ellie couldn't see my flustered state. She walked over and wrenched me away from Adam to get a look at my face. She started to laugh, "Oh my God! You broke red on them didn't you?"

I couldn't help but to laugh. Ellie always said when I get mad the redneck in me breaks out.

She shook her head, "Dang, I told Sapphire to hurry up. If she had I could've seen it."

I spun my head around, "Where's your car?"

Ellie started to stammer. "Um. I was just a little short on gas so she gave me a ride."

I eyed her incredulity, "Uh huh, you suck at lying. What shop is it in?"

She straightened her back and her voice took on a defensive edge. Another sign she was lying. "I do not!"

I laughed, "If you had said her car broke down and you had to give her a ride I might have believed you. You need to borrow the Mini?"

Completely ignoring my question she turned to Adam. "So hot rod, what did you do to get your girl so worked up she kicked some ass?"

Adam laughed and took on a defensive posture. "I didn't do anything this time. I was downstairs til the very end. You need to ask Jane."

---

The next morning I left for work a little early and stopped by Manny's to see if he had Ellie's car, and as I suspected he did. She needed a new car but I knew my hard headed cousin well enough to know that there was no way she'd let me get her one so when I went in to pay him I told him to go over the car and replace anything that might look like it could go bad within the next year. I asked him if he had told Ellie how much the bill was yet and when he told me no I told him to tell her it was something very minor and not charge her much. I made it very clear that she wasn't to have any idea I had been there and he promised he wouldn't.

If she ever found out what I did she'd be beyond livid but I loved her too much to take a chance on her breaking down in a bad area of town. It was another issue of mine after my little Fiero stranded me in bad part of L.A. once and put me in a situation no woman should be in.

I looked over at the custom motorcycle shop next door when I walked back out to my car and couldn't help but to admire all the beautiful bikes out front. I remembered fondly all the times I rode on the back of one as a little girl and as a teenager. My Dad and Ellie's dad both rode and they often took us along plus a lot of my boyfriends in high school rode. I even still have a small Honda Rebel street bike in my Daddy's garage that he'd bought me so I could ride along side him. My plan had been give it to Hunter when he was old enough. Even though I have not ridden a bike in eighteen years, I still kept my motorcycle license… just in case.

I walked across the lot to get a closer look when a gorgeous custom bike caught my eye. It was a chrome and gunmetal gray metallic Harley with upward curved handle bars and a wide back tire. I could tell it had been made for a tall man with the forward placed pedals. Its powerful stance made it look mean and sexy and it reminded me of my man. Visions flooded my mind of his strong hands gripping the handle bars while my arms were holding onto his rock solid body.

"I'm not sure you could ride that one sweetheart. It's a little big for you."

I looked in the direction of the voice to find a big burley man about the same age as my father, wearing an old Harley tee and faded jeans. For some reason his long salt and pepper hair pulled into a low ponytail, boots and wallet attached to a chain on his belt felt familiar to me. He walked closer and his expression became amused, "But then again now that I'm standing next to you maybe you could. Most women wouldn't be able to reach the handlebars."

I laughed as I recognized the man who once fired me for my own good. "Yeah, reaching things aren't really an issue. What about the frame? Is it custom?"

I spent many years hating the man for firing me but as I stood before him older and wiser, I realized how right he had been, If I continued hanging out at that shop I would have been no better than my mother.

He perked up. "That one is mainly an oh five softtail. I did the customizing myself. Know about bikes do you? No offense but you look better suited for that Porsche next door than a bike."

I smiled up at him. "Actually that is my car. I better know scooters or my Daddy would disown me."

"Who's your old man? Maybe I know him."

I laughed again. "Come on Snake. I became the woman you wanted me to be and now you don't recognize me?"

Snakes eyes grew wide and he immediately pulled me into his crudely tattooed arms. "Holy shit Liberty! I thought that car looked familiar, it stayed at your dad's place for years. I was so sorry to hear about your son, how is your Dad holding up?"

I cringed, not only from the mention of my beloved son and Daddy's mental state but also the unexpected hug. "Daddy's recovered from the injuries but is having a rough go of it. He keeps blaming himself."

Snake looked on sympathetically. "I'm sorry to hear that. How are you holding up?"

"I'm little better than him but not by much." I remembered how Daddy could be in the worst moods but after a trip on his bike he'd come home happy. "Do you think you could call him up and try to get him to go riding? That used to always cheer him up."

Snake looked embarrassed, "Yeah, I should have done that already. I just haven't known what to say but I'll call up some old friends and we'll all ride out there this weekend."

"Thanks, now about that bike. How hard would it be to change the seat? I've seen some that almost look like a stair step. I want one of those and I need pegs on the back for a passenger."

"The fender that's on there wouldn't work. I'd have to get a new one to put on another seat. Why?"

My mind was focused on business so I ignore his question. "How much for the bike with a new fender and a seat?"

"You're serious aren't you?" He said as his posture straightened.

I nodded and looked into his weathered eyes. "I am if you can get it all done by next Saturday."

Snake studied me closely and rubbed his chin. "Since it's you and I've known you your whole life, I'll let you have it for twenty bills but if it was anyone else it would be twenty-five."

Twenty-five thousand was about what I was expecting so to get it five grand less was a great deal to me. I had not splurged on anything in a long, long time and I was due.

I smirked at him. "Thanks Snake, Let me go ahead and pay you."

"You can wait. I trust you Lib."

"I trust you too Snake and I know you have to pay for the parts to make it the way I want it."

Snake laughed, "Suit yourself, I'm never one to turn down money."

When we walked into the office I noticed a gas tank that had been accented with tribal marking that closely resembled Adam's tattoos. "You have a blank sheet of paper and a pen?"

Snake nodded and reached into his desk the retrieve the items.

I leaned on one of his cabinets and quickly sketched out the tank with marking that were identical to Adam's then drew the fender and added the cross that apparently held a special memory."

I handed the paper to Snake. "How much more to add those to the tank and fender?"

Snake sat behind his desk and leaned back. "A grand should cover it since I have to paint the new fender anyway. You have some talent there girl."

I nodded. "Thanks. Sounds fair and you'll tag and title it for me or do I need to do that? Do you take credit cards or do I need to run to the bank?"

"I gotcha little darlin'. I'm your one stop shop, a credit card is fine. Just leave me your number and I'll call ya when it's ready."

I smiled as I handed him my credit card. "Sounds good. Just let me know."

---

That night at the club I discovered what I always knew but never saw firsthand. Adam had a jealous side of his own.

I was at my usual perch minding my own business when this nice looking, but not very bright guy approached and offered to buy me a drink. He introduced himself as Trevor and casually placed his hand on the wall behind me. I caught Adam glaring at him out of the corner of my eye. I politely declined his offer but that didn't deter him from attempting to strike up a conversation.

I tried explaining to him that I had a boyfriend, yet he continued undeterred and moved closer with the excuse that it was difficult to hear over the band. Before I had the chance to move away from Trevor, Adam approached and pulled me off my stool. While placing one hand on the back of my neck, and the other hand on my butt he kissed me, deep and with purpose. He worked his hands against my body in a way he usually reserved for when we were alone. I couldn’t help but to allow my hands to roam freely over his broad sculpted back.

"Hey Baby." he whispered as he broke the kiss.

I found myself so completely turned on by his display I was barely able to speak. "Hey yourself."

Adam peered at me with a sly smirk. "Who's your friend?"

I lovingly placed my head on his shoulder, still not recovered from our kiss. "Nobody important. I think he was just leaving."

Trevor, wearing a combination of shock and fear on his attractive face, got the hint and walked away.

I could still taste the whiskey Adam had been drinking and knew immediately Trevor better watch himself. If anything brought the redneck out of Adam it was brown liquor. He must have only just started drinking since he showed such restraint by not pummeling my admirer.

I patted Adam's chest, "You might want to lay off the Jack tonight."

Adam smirked, "Don't worry Baby, I can handle it."

Later on Ellie and I were out of the dance floor when a very drunk Trevor walked up and started dancing behind me. We tried to walk away but Trevor placed his hands on my waist pulling my back towards his front. It infuriated me that he felt he had the right to touch me. I turned to slap him but before I had the chance, Adam charged his way over and smashed his fist straight into the idiot’s face.

The force of Adam's punch sent Trevor flying backwards. In an attempt to maintain his balance, Trevor reached out and grabbed my top causing it to rip straight down the front. The force of his pulling my tee took me to the floor with him. Once splayed across the floor, I started to scream. I felt something warm and wet on my hand. I turned to look and shrieked even louder. I was half naked and my entire right side was covered in blood. I looked at Trevor who had his hand covering his face, blood gushed out between his fingers flooding the black and white tiles.

Adam jumped on top of him and released a series of punches while the crowd around us stepped back. I jumped on Adam's back to try to pull him off but he flipped me off him as if I were a knapsack.

I looked up again and noticed one of Trevor's friends charging at Adam so I launched myself at him. I connected with my shoulder to his ribs causing him to momentarily lose his breath. As I was about to straighten up and return to Adam when the man lifted me off the ground and tossed me across the dance floor.

I screamed even louder as my head slammed into the stage causing Adam to look up. He jumped to his feet and knocked Trevor's friend out with a single punch before turning to me. Panic filled his eyes as he lifted me up into his arms and carried me to his office while security lifted Trevor and his friend off the floor and escorted them down the stairs.

Once in the office Adam looked me over "Are you ok Baby?"

"Hell no I’m not ok. I’m covered in that asshole’s blood and I have a knot on the back of my head." I grabbed a book off his shelf and threw it at him. "Damn, you could have at least waited til I was out of the way before you did that."

I caught sight of myself in his mirror and saw that my pants were soaked red and my white tee shirt was ripped and my pink satin bra was splattered with blood. I reached around for another book and I hit my mark as it clocked him on the right side of his head. "Shit, I look like I just stepped out of a slasher flick because you can’t control your damn temper. That's it. No more brown liquor for you."

Adam gazed at me apologetically and pulled me close to make sure none of the blood on me was my own. "I'm sorry Baby but he had his hands on you. I can’t just sit back and let that happen."

I pushed him away. My anger showed no signs of dissipating. "I know honey but if you had waited ten more seconds you would have seen me punch him myself. Normally you would have waited but since you've been drinking that shit all night you lost control and could have hurt me in the process." I wiped my hands with one of the clean bar rags stored in the corner. "You don’t see me punching every girl who puts their hands on you do you?"

Adams laughed quietly as he rested on the corner of his desk, "No, not every girl."

I walked towards him and smirked, "Shut up. I'll do it you know. I have no problem laying the smack down on some of these sluts around here."

His laughter was getting louder. "Oh hell no Baby, that won’t be necessary. You can trust me."

I peered into my man’s gorgeous eyes. "Good because I’d never have time for anything else. You can trust me too." I kissed him on his forehead. "I'm yours and I don’t hesitate to let everybody know. No more brown liquor from now on. I'm serious, it's a deal breaker for me. You scare me when you drink it."

Adam stepped behind his desk and handed me a tank top and a pair of shorts his waitresses had to wear. "I’m yours too. I promise I won't drink it anymore. Go take a shower and change into these. You can’t get into your car wearing those."

I stepped out of the shower feeling foolish. Jane had the body for these clothes but I sure didn't. It looked like I had two miles of legs and since my bra also had blood on it, I had to set my small C's free under the tank. I pulled my still damp hair into a ponytail and walked out of the bathroom to find one of Adam's oversized tee shirts. To my dismay there was nothing but more tank tops.

I looked around for Adam but apparently he had gone back out into the club. I instantly regretted wearing a pair of three inch black stiletto sandals as it made an already slutty looking outfit completely whorish.

Embarrassed, I made my way back to the bar to get my purse from Jane. The stares from all the men made a bad situation worse. Out of nowhere Adam appeared and tossed me over his shoulder before carrying me straight back to his office.

Once inside his eyes were full of hunger as he stared at me. "I should have ruined your clothes before now."

I pushed him away. "Stop it. I need one of your shirts, I can't go home looking like this."

"I'll say you can't. I'll have to whip a few more asses if you do."

"Shut up. I look like an idiot in this."

"The hell you do. You look hot, come here." Adam grabbed my arm and snatched me to his chest. He ran his hungry hand over my stomach before cupping my breast and nuzzling my neck. "I want you."

I felt my anger being replaced by lust. "We can't do anything here. I'm still mad at you." His teeth nipped at my earlobe sending a chill down my spine. I tilted my head to allow him easier access. "What if somebody comes in?"

He started growling in my ear like a tiger. My defenses dropped further. "You're an animal. Can't you wait til we get home?"

Adam released me and walked over to the door and clicked the lock. "No I can't. I have to have you now."

He rushed to me showing none of his usual gentle ways as his hands roughly roamed my entire body. My essence responded as I groped him with the same fervor. "Don't think this changes anything. I'm still furious."

Adam only responded with a grunt as he reached down and released the button on my shorts and reached inside to touch me. He released an audible gasp when he realized I was commando before teasing me with his large middle digit.

I hungrily ran my hand between his legs and massaged him through his tight jeans which in turn had him leaning to roughly bite at my nipple through the soft cotton of my tank top.

He quickly removed his hand and dropped my shorts to the floor before spinning me around and bending me over his desk. I heard the sound of his zipper falling before he entered me completely and without warning. I screamed in pleasure as he tightly gripped my hips and furiously slammed into me.

I reached to my sides to grab his hands, lifting them to cup my breasts while I turned my head to stare into his gorgeously lust filled eyes. I loudly commanded him to lean forward so that our lips could meet and I could muffle my screams.

Just when I knew my orgasm was close at hand he suddenly pulled out and turned me to face him. He placed his hands under my arms and lifted my body off the ground before lowering me back onto his throbbing manhood. I wrapped my legs around his waist as he slammed my back into the wall and continued to assail his will upon me.

When I couldn't take the pleasure anymore I dug my nails into his back and bit his shoulder to mask my cries of ecstasy. That proved to be his undoing as he fell with me under him onto his couch and filled me with his release.

We stayed in that position for what felt like an eternity before Adam timidly glanced up. "Are you still mad at me?"

I ran my fingers through his mussed up mane. "How can I be mad at a man who can love me like you do?"

Adam smiled and lovingly placed his lips on mine. "I really am sorry. I would never do anything to hurt you."

I stared into his beautiful brown apologetic eyes. "I know Baby but I was serious about no more brown liquor."

Adam's expression remained remorseful. "I promise, never again."

Adam stood first and it was then that I realized all he had to do was button his pants to be dressed. "Look at you, just run a brush through your hair and nobody would know what we did."

Adam stared at me with a wicked grin. "I'd rather look at you. You look so hot in just that tank and stilettos. We may have to go another round."

I smiled and ran my hand over his chest. "We've been gone long enough. Jane's going to give me hell as it is. Anything else will have to wait for later."

I walked back into the bathroom and cleaned up again. When I walked out Adam was picking up everything we threw off his desk to make room. He looked up and the desire was still just as strong as his eyes took me in.

I smiled and walked over to him. "Calm down big boy. I'm not sure I can handle rough again tonight. Do you have a tee shirt I can wear over this?"

Adam frowned. "No, I only have tanks."

I playfully slapped his chest. "By the way you owe me a pair of jeans."

Adam laughed and pulled his billfold from his back pocket before pulling out a credit card. "Here you go, get something sexy while you're at it."

I smacked his hand away. "I was just teasing you. Come on, I need a drink."

Adam stared at me. "Ain't no way I'm letting you sit at the bar wearing that!"

I glared at him and all apprehension I had about my clothes disappeared. All of a sudden I was ready to walk out of the door with my head held high. "Why not? You let your sister stand behind the bar wearing it. Stop with the jealousy already."

Adam remained adamant. "Jane's different, besides she doesn't wear it quite as well as you do."

I laughed. "Do you really think after what happened, any man in here will even look in my direction?" I placed a hand on my infuriating man's cheek. "Plus I've seen my face and everyone is going to know what we've been doing in here. I have the FFL all over me."

Adam looked at me puzzled. "FFL?"

"Yeah baby I have the fresh fucked look. You couldn't mark your territory more if you hiked you leg and peed on me."

Adam chuckled. "Yeah I guess you're right. Let's go."

We walked out to wolf whistles from both Jane and Ellie and I laughed as I took my usual seat when Jane yelled out. "Damn, you two look satiated. No wonder it took so long."

The amount of teasing I received from my two best friends was relentless but I didn't care because what happened in his office was worth any joking anyone wanted to dish out.

Chapter Nineteen

The following Tuesday Snake called my cell. "I have it ready for ya darling."

I was hoping that was why he called. "Sweet! Thanks and thanks for going to see Daddy, it helped a lot."

"Glad to do it. It was great to see him again, I hate not being there when he needed me."

Even though he couldn't see me I smiled knowing Daddy's circle of friends was expanding again. "How late will you be there today?"

"As late as you need me to be."

"I'll be there around six if it's okay."

"See ya then."

After work I rushed home and dug in the very back of my walk in closet in the spare bedroom. I found myself so happy that I had not regained all the weight I lost after Hunter passed when I was able to tie the front of my old leather pants with very little effort. I dug out my white t-back tank to put over my black bra knowing it would drive Adam wild when he saw me. Finally I put on my riding boots and tied a red bandana around my hair. I learned at an early age that helmets could wreak some serious havoc on my hair.

The cab driver was extra attentive on the way over and when I arrived at Snake's shop the office door was locked so I entered through his shop.

"Holy hell Libs, you could warn an old man before you come walking in here looking like that!" Snake exclaimed after I walked in. "You're gonna send me to hell for thoughts I just had about my friends daughter."

I laughed, "Sorry about that Snake, still think I'm better suited for the Porsche?"

Snake smiled, "Heck no, don't take this wrong but you look more at ease in that than what you had on last week."

I stared at him confused. "Huh?"

"In my business I see a lot of RUBs. They buy a sled and try to dress the part. It makes them look like fools but you're just the opposite?"

He knew I understood that a RUB was a rich urban biker, someone who only buys a bike to look cool instead of the joy of riding. The part that confused me was how am I the opposite? "What's that supposed to mean?"

He motioned over what I was wearing. "I didn't even notice before but last week you were the pretender. This is who you are." He pointed to my tattoos which were visible through my thin tank. "Someone doesn't ink themselves this much only to keep it hidden."

I laughed and patted his shoulder as I walked to the door. "Awe Snake you're just remembering how I used to be. I've grown up since then. Come on, show me how to ride this thing."

Snake gave me a skeptical look as he joined me. "Just keep telling yourself that darlin'."

I sat down on the bike as Snake explained things. "It's hasn't been modified too much so just make sure to give yourself a little extra room to turn."

I nodded. "One down and four up?"

Snake shook his head as he explained how to change gears. "This is a six speed doll so it's five up. And be careful using the front brake, it's touchy."

I started it up and the deep rumble of the bike and the vibration between my legs did things to me. I smiled as I took a few trips around the lot to get a good handle on it. "I need a couple of brain buckets too." I said as I pulled back up next to him.

"Yeah I figured that." He ran into the shop and came back out with two half helmets that were gunmetal gray with matching tribal markings and matched the bike perfectly. "Your dad told me about your old man so one of these is an extra large."

I loved them. I did not think I could have picked out anything better if I tried. "Those are perfect! How much do I owe you for those?"

Snake shook his head, "Your old man covered these after I told him what you bought. He came down here to see it and seems to think you didn't buy it for yourself." He pointed to a cherry red Harley Sportster I had noticed last week. "He said that one's your style."

I laughed. God I love my Daddy. I never could get anything past that man. Mom yes, Daddy no. "He knows me too well. It's my boyfriend's birthday next week."

"Damn, that's a hellava present."

I smiled as I nodded. "Well, he's a hellava man."

Snake suddenly became serious. "I know your Dad thinks a lot of him, he told me that man of yours gave you reason to keep going when everyone thought you were about to give up."

My eyes started to gloss over. "He really did."

Snake leaned down to give me a hug. "Look at me making you cry. You need to hit the road sweetheart and show that man of yours how lucky he is and then later you can show him his new sled."

---

Adam was eyeing the bike wantonly when I pulled it up on the sidewalk in front of Anthracite. The look of shock on his face when he realized it was me climbing off was priceless. He jumped up from his stool and said something into the walky-talky he kept to communicate with the other employees. He rushed to me with eyes hungrier than a lion with a slab of raw meat dangling in front of his nose before grabbing me tightly in his strong arms. "Damn you look unbelievable. Sweet sled babe, whose is it?"

I leaned in and greeted his lips with such passion. I wanted him so badly in that moment that if he tried anything on the sidewalk I wouldn't have stopped him. "It belongs to my boyfriend. I knew this would probably be the only time he'd let me drive it."

Adam stared at me confused til I shook the key in front of his face. "Happy Birthday!"

I never thought it possible but Adam was speechless. He did nothing but gape at me with his mouth hanging wide open while holding the keys to his new motorcycle.

I laughed and grabbed his helmet and shoved it in his chest. "Take it for a spin and I'll watch the door til you get back."

Adam regained his faculties and sat the helmet on the seat before he grabbed me close. "To hell with the door, Gus is on his way down to watch it. Why did you buy me this?" He sounded as if he might be angry.

I became worried. "You don't like it?"

Adam shook his head while he looked over all the chrome and ran his fingers over the custom paint. "I love it but you had no business buying me something like this. It's too much."

I pulled away and placed my hands on my hips as I stared into his eyes. "Do you like it?"

Adam nodded his head. "I love it."

"Will you ride it?"

"Every chance I get."

"Will you take me with you when you ride?"

He reached out to pull me into his loving arms. "Of course."

"Then it was money well spent so shut up and take it for a spin."

Adam laughed and lifted me off my feet and spun me around. "You are amazing. You know that?"

I laughed and kissed him on the nose. "Just so long as you think so I'm happy."

He sat he down and our lips met again passionately. "I love you. Thank you."

"You're welcome." I grabbed his helmet and placed it on his beautiful head before pressing the key into his palm. "Give yourself a little extra room to turn and watch the front brake."

The smile on my man's perfect face paired with the love in his eyes for me made it worth every penny. He grinned at me as he started his bike and yelled, "I love you so much. Hop on."

I shook my head, "Not til you get used to it. Take it around the block a couple of times then come back to get me."

Adam laughed lightly, "I forgot who your Daddy is. Good idea babe, I'll be right back."

I laughed watching him pull away and walked back to recline against the wall next to the door to wait for him. I no more leaned back before Jane called my phone. "What are you doing down there dressed like that and whose bike did Adam just take off on?"

"It's his birthday present so he's taking it for a spin."

Jane snickered at me. "Damn, you over the top bitch. His birthday isn't til next week."

"I know it's not but I still have Hunter's presents in my closet from where I bought them and never had the chance to see his face when he opened them." I didn't mean to but my voice started to crack as I explained my reasoning. "Besides, where could I hide that thing?"

I heard Jane say something to someone and next thing I knew she was by my side. "I'm sorry sis, I didn't think about that." She eyed me closely, "Damn, I almost didn't recognize you when you first pulled up."

I smiled, "It didn't feel right to wear anything else while riding."

Jane continued to stare at me suspiciously. "This is not a new outfit, what are you not telling me?"

I laughed, "My Daddy rides and I used to ride all the time when I was young."

Jane punched my shoulder, "And you can still fit in them? I kinda hate you right now."

I stared at her as if she were crazy. "In case you forgot I lost a lot of weight recently."

Jane blushed. "I'm sorry. I forgot."

I heard the rumble of Adam's new bike and turned to see him pull back up. I leaned into Jane, "Think you can spare him an hour or two."

Jane laughed, "Yeah but please get him back before ten. It's supposed to get crazy tonight."

I ran to my man and straddled the seat before putting on my helmet.

He took off like a shot and I screamed in delight as I hugged him tightly. I could feel his elation as he made his way through town and headed toward Percy Priest Lake.

I still found it hard to believe we were only fifteen minutes from downtown when I looked over the large expanse of water while enjoying the cool breeze. I hugged my wonderful man tighter relishing the ideal afternoon.

Adam pulled over when we reached a small semi secluded picnic area and shut down the bike. He looked so sexy in the small glow of the distant street lamp as turned to kiss me. "Thank you Baby. This is perfect, just like you."

I sighed contently, "You're welcome." I removed my helmet before reaching up to remove his. "Jane says I have to get you back by ten. Would you like to ride some more or can I ravage you like I've been wanting to since I straddled this seat wishing it was you?"

Adam grinned wickedly. "What kind of boyfriend would I be to leave my love with such wanting?"

The next hour was spent in a wild mixture of delirious love making in an erotically public setting. The time spent alone with the man I adored in nature connected us in ways I never thought possible. There was something different between us, something more. I couldn't explain it but I knew it was there.

I sat on the bike watching him adjust himself for the trip back to the bar. The feelings I felt for this wonderful man besieged me and tears started to fall.

He quickly rushed to my side. "What's wrong Baby?"

I shook my head. "Nothing, it's just that I love you so much it overwhelms me sometimes."

He gasped and embraced me almost too tightly. "I know what you mean but for me, it's overwhelming in a good way."

---

"That must have been some trip." Jane said to me when I took my usual seat at the bar upon our return.

I leaned back and gave her a magical grin. "It really was. I wish I had the words to describe it."

Adam strolled by and winked at me as he made his way down the stairs. The expression on his perfectly masculine face mirrored mine. Jane's eyes scanned both of us, "You don't need words. Anyone can see what you're talking about."

---

As time went on I continued my pattern of working, visiting Hunter’s grave, calling Ellie to see what she was up to and depending on her schedule either going to Charley’s or Anthracite. Most nights though I ended up at Anthracite. Sunday's were reserved for bike rides. Adam and I would hop on in the morning with no destination in mind and not return until after dark.

I'd been working late on a big project at work one night. It still wasn't due for a couple of weeks but experience taught me that when my creative juices started to flow I needed to run with it. Before I left the office I had all the mock ups done and ready to go.

I only made a brief visit to my son and didn't bother to go home to change before I went to Anthracite. I greeted Jane and took my usual seat. "Hey sis, where’s my man?"

She didn't exactly seem happy to see me as she shrugged and pointed to the door. Adam's mood the last few days must have gotten to her too. "He’s in the back going over the final details with the guys from some retro band. We're hosting an after party for that concert tomorrow. He’s like a kid at Christmas."

I rolled my eyes scornfully, sharing her pain. "Yeah, he's kinda shut me out lately because he’s so focused on it."

Jane nodded sympathetically, "He does that. He starts a project and it gets all his attention. Don’t sweat it he’ll be himself again when it’s over. You don’t seem excited, Adam said you didn’t even want to go to the show."

I sighed. "Yeah well, I lived that scene for a few years when I was in LA, I don’t miss it."

Jane looked at me quizzically. "You talk about growing up here and you talk about your time in New York but you rarely mention there. From what Ellie's told me it must've been wild."

I shrugged my shoulders. "You don’t know the half of it. No offense, but I don’t like talking about it. I was a different person back then, I ran with the wrong crowd and did things I’m not proud of. The only good thing that came from back then was Hunter."

I had not cried tears of sadness in months but I felt moisture starting to build in the corners of my eyes.

Jane gave me a knowing look. "I’ll let it drop."

After bringing up bad memories I wanted the comfort being close to my man provided. "You think Adam would mind if I popped in to let him know I’m here?"

Jane shook her head nervously. "I don't know. Maybe you should go home and change, by then he'll be finished up."

I started to pout. "I just need to see him. Surely he wouldn't get mad."

Jane appeared conflicted as she sighed loudly before she placed her hand on my shoulder. "Actually I was supposed to tell you that he wanted you to come on back but I was being selfish since he seems to be hogging all your time lately. He'll love seeing your sexy secretary look you've got going on with your hair pulled back and the glasses are a nice touch."

I looked down and smirked. Between the tight fitting black skirt that rested firmly on the border of short and too short and the white silk top that I had tucked into my skirt I definitely possessed the look Jane implied. Rectangular narrow framed black glasses that I forgot I even had on and my hair being twisted behind my head and held in place by a pencil only reinforced it.

I grinned wickedly while releasing the top few buttons on my blouse. "I’ll be back in a few to keep you company."

Jane grabbed my hand. "Maybe you should just go on home and change. He should be finished by the time you get back."

I laughed, the idea of getting Adam all hot and bothered in front of others turned me on. "No way. It won't take but just a minute."

I slinked into Adam’s office and noticed an old video playing on the fifty-inch flat screen that’s mounted on the left-hand wall. I froze when I saw the blonde dancing on the screen spun around showing a butterfly tattoo between her shoulder blades. I looked over to Adam who was staring at me with his mouth agape; his expression was unreadable. I was trying to gauge his reaction when to my right I heard a voice from my past.

"Bumpkin? What the hell is with your hair? Damn you are looking good."

I gasped and quickly turned to find the source of the voice that sounded frighteningly familiar.

Holy fuck!

Life Renewed (Final Chapters)

Author:

StefB

Caution:

Audience Rating:

Mature Subjects (pg15)

Publication:

Final Chapter

Genre:

Fantasy Worlds

Character Age:

Mature / Thirty+

Other Keywords:

StefB's Goddess Realm

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

Life Renewed
Final Chapters

By StefB

This is the final part of a new storyline taking place within my Goddess Realm. It is not necessary to read Saved by a Goddess or Saved By a Goddess: Gifts to enjoy this story but admittedly it does help and is recommended.

Thank You LorasPa6 for your wonderful help editing and being there to bounce ideas off of.

Chapter Twenty

I looked over at the couch and there they were, my past. My past was in my future’s office, sitting on the very couch that Adam and I had made passionate love on so many times.

There they were, members of Annihilation, all looking as shocked to see me, as I was to see them.

Razor strolled back into my life about six months after we had been changed. At first he was so nice, sweet and gentle with me. We shared an uncommon experience and I could talk freely with him. I mistook the joy of gaining even a glimpse of my past self for love. I was totally devoted to him and he used my loyalty to his advantage at every turn.

The bastard almost ruined my life.

I spent a few years traveling with Annihilation while I was dating Razor. Razor, whose real name is Reginald Van Burke, was the lead singer. He used to be gorgeous. He was not very tall, standing five foot eight but back in the day he had a full head full of long black hair instead of the thinning mane he now hid behind a bandana. His once sparkling blue eyes, that at one time, captivated my heart are now so pale. His once ripped six-pack that I spent many hour rubbing my body over had been replaced with a keg.

He used to carry himself with such a swagger that I found irresistible. He now looked angry and unsure and it repulsed me. The years had not been kind, causing him to be a shell of his former self. I knew I should be glad to see him like this, but all I could feel was pity. It was hard to fathom that my entire world once revolved around this short, bitter, fat man.

He stood to greet me but I turned away, the thought of his touch made my stomach turn. He did not deserve another second of my attention.

Tim Simmons, or Skit as his fans knew him played drums and he had barely changed at all. His long blonde hair was still there but was in a more up to date style. Time had left his playful green eyes untouched. He was more muscular than he used to be which went well with his six foot one inch frame.

Jesse Storm, or Ax to his fans, was the lead guitarist. He also looked the same, still tall and still thin. His brown hair had not changed one bit, he maintained it exactly as he did back in the day. His brown eyes were still so full of life. The only difference between him then and now was a few well-earned wrinkles.

Matt Jones, the bass player was missing. Matt was my best friend in the band. Back in the day he had the best hair of them all. It was long, brown, and curly. His eyes were the shade of chocolate. With his perpetual tan, fit body, six foot three inch height and amazing personality he could have probably had any girl he wanted, myself included, but girls were not his forte. That was one of the best-kept secrets in rock.

Other than Ellie, Matt was the only person I kept any contact with since I left for New York. We shared many tears over what would become of our lives. I owed Matt my life. Sadly, as with most friendships, we have drifted apart in the last year or so. We used to talk two or three times a week but last I heard from him he was taking a sabbatical with his new boyfriend James, who shared a similar past as a closeted member of a successful band that left it all behind to be himself.

There was a young blonde haired guy sitting with them that I didn’t recognize. He must have been Matt’s replacement.

"Hi Tim, Jess" I finally managed to say brightly. I paused before coolly continuing, "Razor." I then added sarcastically, "I never thought I’d see you three sitting together again, where's Matt?"

Tim and Jess both jumped up to embrace me, each lifting me off the ground alternately while Razor continued staring at me. I didn’t know how to take his look. He almost looked happy to see me but there was also an undercurrent of anger.

"Oh my God Belle, it’s been ages. How have you been keeping yourself? I don't know how you did it but you look better than ever. Damn girl, you are smokin' hot. I'm loving the brown hair." Jesse said while removing the pencil and running a strand through his fingers.

I knew there was a reason I always liked Jess. "I’m good, you look great. Love your hair too."

"Do you ever talk to Pixie anymore?" Jess asked. Pixie is what everyone called Ellie back then. Jess and Ellie had a thing for each other once upon a time.

I nodded. "Yeah, everyday. She lives here too."

Jesse looked surprised. "She does? I’d love to see her."

Jesse might be the one person able to break Greg's spell over her. "I’ll let her know you're around. She may swing by tomorrow."

"Cool." Jesse said before asking the question I didn’t want to hear. "How’s that boy of yours?"

My mood immediately darkened, as I muttered, "Not now Jess, OK?" I cut my eyes to Razor.

Jesse sensed my mood and nodded knowingly.

I tried to put my happy face back on as Tim hugged me.

"It’s so good to see your sexy ass, I've often wondered what happened to you after you skipped off to New York."

I playfully slapped Tim’s shoulder. "You know I had to leave. I never thought I’d see you guys get back together? Where's Matt?"

Tim’s eyes lit up. "Well, you know, money talks."

I nodded as he continued.

Tim pointed toward the skinny blonde kid. "That’s Aaron he took Matt’s place. Matt said they couldn’t print enough money for him to be stuck on the road with some of us." He cut his eyes to Razor, I nodded to let him know I understood before he continued. "He’s living in the Bay area with his partner James. James is a great guy. You should see him now. He’s chopped all his hair off. He’s doing well. He’s happy."

I quickly realized that Matt had kept his promise and never told the guys he knew where I was, so I acted as if I knew none of what Tim was telling me. "Make sure to tell him I said hi next time you see him for me please."

Aaron stood and extended his hand, "Everybody calls me Grind, it's so nice to meet you, I'm a huge fan."

I smiled graciously, "Nice to meet you Grind."

"Matt be fucking pissed he missed you." Jess added.

I laughed. "I’m fucking pissed he missed me."

"Fucking fag." Razor mumbled from the couch.

Jess, Tim and I turned giving Razor evil looks.

"I see the years haven’t changed your attitude. You're still a fucking asshole. Matt's three times the man you ever were. I have to wonder if you are still happy with how everything turned out? Is your life everything you thought it would be?" I snapped.

"Damn Bumpkin the years have changed yours, when did you become such a bitch? You're probably what turned him gay." Razor snapped back.

Jess grabbed me around the waist to keep me from attacking Razor. I was still trying to get to his sorry ass as I hissed at him. "Don't call me that you bastard. I became a bitch on July eighteenth Nineteen Ninety-nine. I'm sure you remember the day since you were there."

Adam stood with clinched fists so I broke away from Jess and ran around Adam's desk to place myself between him and Razor. I placed my head on his shoulder as we embraced. He proceeded to give me the hottest kiss I believe I ever received. I knew he was staking his claim to me for Razor’s benefit but I didn’t care. I finally had a good man and I didn’t care who knew it. I was Adam’s and he could claim me whenever he wanted. If at that moment Adam had bent me over his desk I would have just smiled and told Razor to take notes so he could learn how a real man satisfied a woman.

"Why didn’t you tell me?" Adam asked after we ended our display.

I shrugged. "I don’t talk about that time."

Adam shook his head and smiled, "They said you couldn't sing again. I can’t believe you're Belle. How did I not realize it?"

I looked him directly in the eyes and shook my head emphatically. "I’m NOT! Not anymore. That was a long time ago. Can we talk about this later when we don’t have an audience?" I cut my eyes to Razor and the guys.

"Sure Baby, anything you want." He leaned in and kissed me again.

I stepped back and turned toward the door. "I’m going to go home, I’ll see you when you get off. Love you babe."

Adam nodded his head. "I love you too."

I turned to go. "Great to see you guys again."

Jesse looked alarmed. "You’re not leaving are you?"

I squinched my nose. "Yeah, you guys are busy and I need to finish up some projections for work tomorrow." I lied but I had no desire to be in the same room as Razor.

Adam jumped from his desk and joined me at the door. "Excuse me guys, I’ll be right back."

As soon as we stepped out of the office Adam looked at me intently, "Are you ok?"

I was quivering as I shook my head no. "You remember me telling you of the past you reminded me of?"

He nodded. "Yes, I remember that conversation very well."

I sighed, "That past is in your office."

Like a light tuning on, he made the connection to my tattoo. He reached under my skirt and rubbed inside my thigh, "Razor?"

I nodded my head.

"Hunter?"

I nodded again and began to cry.

"Does he know what hap…"

I cut him off. I knew where he was headed. "No and he doesn’t deserve to know. He didn’t care then, why should he care now?"

Adam's large arms and body formed a cocoon around me. "I understand. Just remember Baby, that's all in the past. I'm your future, I'm not going to hurt you and I won’t let anyone else hurt you. Do you hear me?" He tugged at my chin so we were face to face. "I love you Sara Liberty Collins, I loved you before I even knew you."

I pulled my head from his hand and laid it on his shoulder. "I love you too. I think I’m going back out front and have a drink or three. Did you drive the Evoque or the bike?"

Adam kissed my hair. "It was calling for rain so I left the bike at home."

"You mind if I ride home with you tonight?"

Adam laughed lightly, "Of course not. You should know you don't have to ask. I won't be too much longer."

As I moped back out to the bar I fished out my phone and called Ellie.

"Hey girly"

"Hey" I murmured.

"What’s wrong?"

"You won’t believe who is in Adam’s office?"

"Who?"

"Annihilation"

"NO SHIT, What the fuck are they doing there?"

"Apparently they are one of the surprise guests at the retro show at the arena tomorrow night."

"Where are you?"

"I’m still at Anthracite. By the way Jess said to tell you hi."

"I’m on the way."

"Okay" is all I said as I hung up.

Jane looked at me with concern etched all over her face as she slid me a margarita. "I tried to get you to stay out here."

"Can I get a shot of Petron?" I asked solemnly.

"Um, yeah. Sure. Are you okay?"

She handed me my shot and I downed it. "You remember that past I don’t talk about?"

She nodded, "Yeah."

"It’s in Adam’s office right now."

Jane stared at me sadly as she refilled my shot glass. "I know."

She had my full attention. "How did you know?"

Jane slid the shot in my direction as she laughed, "I've met you before and you are kinda unforgettable."

I sighed as I downed the drink. "How long have you known?"

Jane thought for a moment, "I'd had my suspicions for awhile but that night you fought those two sluts that I knew for sure."

"What do you mean?" I asked as I drank down the margarita she had given me with one gulp.

"Aren’t you driving?" Jane asked as she turned to fix me another drink.

"Adam's going to take me home then I can catch a cab tomorrow to get my car."

Jane stared at me as if I'd lost my mind. "You're not leaving the Porsche here overnight are you?"

I shook my head. "It looked like rain so I'm in the Mini tonight."

"Okay then, another strawberry margarita coming up."

Jane finished making my drink and handed it to me when I saw Ellie barreling up the stairs. She engulfed me in a hug as soon as she reached me. "Are you ok?"

I held my drink up. "No, but I'm getting there."

She frowned. "I can see that."

I sighed and looked at Ellie helplessly. "Jane knows who I used to be."

Ellie glanced at Jane who was staring at me with deep concern. She had not left my side since bringing my drinks.

"You already knew?"

Jane nodded her head. "Yeah, but sometimes I just can’t believe it."

Ellie stared in Jane's eyes. "Does Adam know?"

Jane shook her head. "I don't think so."

I spoke up as I took another drink. "He does now."

When I didn't say anything else Ellie looked at me expectantly. "And? What did he say?"

I shrugged. "He didn't really say anything. It's not like we could have a heart to heart in front of the guys." I turned to Jane. "How did you figure it out?"

"Fifteen years ago I took Adam to a concert at Freedom Hall."

I nodded my head. "I know, he's told me. You and another girl waited with him for Belle to come out and when I saw him he froze. "

Jane nodded again. "Yeah, I know he told you the story about his tattoo, but he couldn't have told you what Belle whispered in my ear where he couldn't hear could he?"

I shook my head as my eyes widened. "No, he didn't even know I said anything cause I turned to you when I had him in a hug."

She nodded. "Exactly, there is no way he could have known you told me that I wasn't saying new about you and to let him have his moment and quit being such a bitch." She started to smile. "You said almost that exact same thing to that girl the night you kicked her and her friend's butt. When you get mad your accent comes back full force and I knew it was you."

I laughed. "Why didn't you say anything?"

Jane shrugged. "I figured you'd tell me when you were ready."

I laughed again, only louder. "It didn't have anything to do with the fact you said all those nasty things to me?"

Jane started to blush. "That could have had something to do with it."

Ellie was intrigued. "Now I have to know. What did you say Jane?"

Jane shrugged again. "It was nothing. I was a stupid girl."

I grinned mischievously at Jane, "No no, you have to tell her. What was it you said? Oh yeah, you called Belle a… let's see… a tramp, a slut, a bitch and said you hated her. Did I get that right?"

Jane nodded, her embarrassment was obvious.

Ellie laughed. "Ouch, that's abit harsh there Jane. Jealous much?"

I quickly spoke up to defend Jane. "She has a point. Belle was all those."

Ellie spun around in anger. "You were none of those things. Even back then you were loyal and sweet, it was only the haters who said all that trash."

Jane jumped in. "You were right to say what you did to me. I was being a bitch and ruining one of Adam's proudest moments. After the accident I always wanted to see you to apologize. You gave him focus and helped save him without even knowing it."

Ellie stared at both of us confused.

I waved my hand. "I'll tell you about it later."

Jane decided to change the subject. "How did you get the name Belle anyways?"

Ellie started to speak before I tapped her shoulder. "I got this."

I turned back to Jane. "What’s my middle name?"

Jane’s eyes widened, "Oh, Liberty Bell"

I nodded before I continued. "When I first moved to L.A. the modeling agency insisted I go by Liberty Blue, they said it would make me more recognizable. When I started waitressing at The Tipsy I still had a thick southern accent, it was worse than yours. I was also sickeningly polite, it bordered on being annoying but it was how I was raised. All the guys used to make fun of me saying how I was so prim and proper, they said I was a true southern belle. Between my name and them thinking of me as a southern belle everyone started calling me Belle and it stuck."

"Oh, that makes sense." Jane said before asking, "What all happened when you were out there?"

I sighed again. "Look Jane, I know Adam's going to ask the same questions and I don’t want to tell this story twice. Why don’t you come with him to my apartment tonight and I'll tell you both everything. I'll answer any question you have. I really only want to tell this once if it’s ok."

Jane nodded. "I understand."

Ellie then jumped back in the conversation. "Are all the guys here?"

I shook my head. "Tim, Jess and Razor are. Matt didn’t return because he said they couldn't print enough money for him to be in the same room as Razor. Plus he's living life on his terms and doesn't want the intrusion into his personal life."

Ellie gave me a confused expression.

"He’s out and proud." I explained further.

Ellie laughed. "Oh! It's about time. Good for Matt. He’s a great guy."

I nodded emphatically. "Yeah he is. He's always been a great friend."

We all turned our heads when we heard someone yell, "Is that Pixie I see over there?"

We looked up to see Tim standing with a wide grin on his face.

"Tim!" Ellie squealed as she ran over to greet him.

Jane looked at me and raised her eyebrows. "Pixie?"

I laughed "We all had nicknames back then. She’s tiny and casts a spell over every man she comes in contact with. They started calling her Tinkerbell but it was just weird having a Belle and a Tinkerbell so she became Pixie."

Jane laughed as we watched all the guys walk from the back.

"I’ll be damned if it’s not my little Pixie!" Jesse said smiling.

"Jess!" Ellie squealed as she launched herself in his direction wrapping her legs around his waist as he caught her.

Adam looked over the scene with a combination of shock and awe etched on his perfect face.

"Looking good Pixie." Razor said as he walked past her.

Ellie glared at him with contempt. "Fuck you Reginald, you look like shit which is kind of fitting since you're a piece of it."

Tim laughed. "You have a way with the ladies tonight Razor."

Razor huffed. "Let’s get out of here."

Tim and Jesse responded almost in unison. "You go ahead, we’ll catch up."

Razor didn’t look happy but left as the rest of us all starting to gather around the bar to catch up on each other's lives. Adam walked up behind me and swallowed me into the safety of his arms as Razor walked past.

In the incomparable way he had of making me smile no matter what was going on, he whispered in my ear. "I think you could take him."

I peered up to the man who had become so focal to my life, commanding his lips to meet mine, he got the hint and lowered his head. "Thanks, I needed that." I stood and made Adam sit. I needed his warmth and security as much at that moment than I had at any of point. I rested myself on his knee waiting for everyone to get settled.

When the guys took seats flanking Adam and I, Tim finally broached the subject I had been dreading all night. "Belle, how’s that boy of yours? I bet he's grown."

The tears came so swiftly that I couldn’t respond. Adam wrapped me even tighter into his comforting embrace.

Thankfully Ellie was there to step in, She reached across and patted my hand gently. "Hunter was killed in a car wreck last September."

Both guys leaned over and pulled me away from Adam and into a group hug.

"I am so sorry Belle, I had no idea" Tim’s voice dripped with sincerity.

Jesse added, "Me too Belle, if I'd known I'd have been here for you. I've always considered you family. You've always been like the fifth member of the band. We wouldn't be where we are without your help."

Tim nodded in agreement to Jesse’s words.

I finally gathered myself enough to speak. "No, it’s ok. I didn’t want to bother you guys. Mainly I didn’t want someone showing up to make a scene."

Ellie spoke up looking as if she were about to cry herself. "I'm sorry guys, it's my fault. She was out of it after it happened and I didn't even think to call anyone. I was so worried about her that it never crossed my mind that you'd want to know."

The guys offered me a sympathetic look and Adam looked on with understanding while Jane and Grind stared at us with confused expressions.

After the painful topic of Hunter was behind us the rest of the evening was very enjoyable. It was the first time I had ever seen Adam laugh so much in such a short span of time as the guys regaled him with stories of my crazier days. The guys loved it when Adam told them about my "minor encounter" with the two girls who voiced their plans for him.

They laughed even harder when Jane told them about me charging a guy half-naked who was about to attack Adam from behind. Even Adam laughed and his eyes held a small measure of awe, since he had not been aware that happened.

In a calculated move I occasionally brought up stories from the happier times when Ellie and Jess were together. I couldn't help but to notice a certain amount of attraction was still there between them.

Ellie and the guys left a couple of hours later but not before making me promise to attend the after party and since it was a slow night Adam and Jane decided to close early. Once we were back at my apartment and sitting around the couch Jane addressed the elephant in the room.

"So, will you now tell us the entire story?"

Chapter Twenty-one

I inhaled a deep breath while trying to muster the courage to talk about things I spent most waking hours trying to forget. I quietly walked to bookcase and pulled out a few photo albums I had not looked at since Hunter wanted real answers about who his father was when he was nine.

I snuggled in next to Adam and sat the albums at my feet before I took a sip of the drink Jane had mixed for me when we walked in. With a deep sigh I started to bare my soul wide open. I started with my early life because there really was not that much of a difference in my actions other than the gender change.

"I was a wide eyed wild child. I'd always been taller than the other girls and had been made fun of my entire life, especially after these showed up larger than I wanted them to be." I motioned to my chest.

"My parents were separated, Daddy was in jail and Mom drank too much to be bothered. At first I tried to be a model child, hoping I could take care of her but nothing was ever good enough for my mother. I'd get a ninety-nine and she'd slap me saying it wasn't a hundred and Daddy would glance at it through the little window when I went to see him and offer some meaningless platitude. I knew neither cared so eventually I gave up trying to please anyone."

Adam and Jane laughed after I handed them a photo album from my teenage years. "I dyed my hair solid black, I don't think I owned anything that wasn't black and I was all about music. Music was my life. The problem was, music didn't allow me the freedom I wanted so badly. Needless to say, I skeptical when a guy at the mall asked me to come in for a few test shots but jumped at the chance when a modeling agency offered to move me to Los Angeles."

I smiled in acknowledgement to their gentle teasing about my Goth phase. When they finished Adam encouraged me to continue so I did. "Some friends I had back then could make a mean fake ID, of course my friends thought I was crazy when I asked for a new one saying I was eighteen instead of twenty-one but I didn't want to push my luck and ruin the one chance I had to escape."

Jane stared at me quizzically. "Your parents didn't try to stop you?"

I laughed ruefully. "No, they were in their own little worlds of misery and alcohol. I think it was a relief to have me out of their hair. So long as I called occasionally to let them know I was still alive they were okay with it."

Adam shook his head sadly as I continued. "I arrived in LA with the promise of a wealth and fame only to find the jobs few and far between. The modeling agency didn't like the Goth look and convinced me to change my name and look. They made me hit the tanning bed religiously and made me color my hair back to my original blonde. They started dressing me more provocatively and I became Liberty Blue; so instead of a girl who stood out at home for being so unique, I suddenly became average in a sea of tan Amazonian blondes. I was so lost."

That also was fairly true. They did make me change back to blonde and they also tried to make me dress in a manner they found sexy. They did not like what they considered my dated rocker look.

As I handed them a photo album filled with old modeling shots Jane and Adam looked from the album to me a few times.

"She looks just like her." Jane mumbled.

"Looks like who?" I asked.

Adam started speaking before Jane had a chance to respond. "I used to have all these pictures memorized. You still look the same yet you're different. So you are actually two years younger than everyone thought you were. I guess that's why I never made the connection"

I nodded. "I was barely making any money as a model and had a very hard time surviving until I got a job as a waitress at a small shit hole of a rock club. Turned out that club was one of the places to be. All the biggest rock stars of the day hung out there. It was like this place was made for me. It allowed me to make great money and be around people who loved music as much as I did. I gave up on trying to be a model and lived in the moment The Tipsy provided."

Adam gave my shoulder a gentle squeeze to let me know he understood.

I took a deep breath to steady myself so I could recall the painful memories that followed as I handed them my photo album from my days as a waitress. "I dated quite a few guys from different bands but nothing serious. It was mainly just sex but it was fun. I was meeting people I never imagined I'd get the chance to meet, much less sleep with. I mean, my God, I was only eighteen by then. I was completely overwhelmed and over my head." I sighed sadly. "But that all stopped after seeing a gorgeous guy with piercing blue eyes up on stage singing during battle of the bands for new talent. The band lost that night but at the time I thought I won."

I cut my eyes toward Adam. "This was a guy who was so gorgeous that he had women throwing themselves at him. A guy who had his choice of any woman he desired, and yet he chose me. He wanted to know everything about me. I thought it was too good to be true."

Adam pulled me close. "That explains a lot."

I kiss his cheek before I started again, "The lead singer was Razor and the next thing I knew, he was telling me how beautiful I was, how smart I was, how talented I was and I truly believed he meant it."

I made my way over to the bar for another drink. "It was great at first but before I knew it I had the entire band crashing at my apartment. At times it was fun so I didn’t mind that much. Ellie moved out to join me after she graduated which made it better. The guys and I would write songs together. I would help hammer out melodies and if you look at their first two albums I had a writing credit on every song. I talked my boss into letting them become regulars at the club. They were all about their music and since I was the only one working a real job, I was supporting all of them. I didn't mind cause I thought I was helping."

I knew from Adam's expression he was shocked. "Their first two albums were their best. The third only had like three songs I liked."

I walked over to my closet and dug into a box of old compact discs and tossed him Annihilation's third album. He read the liner notes and gasped, "You wrote those too. Hell, it says Sara Collins how did I miss that?"

I laughed, "Yeah, I've written quite a few songs. At first Razor tried to keep me from getting any credit whatsoever but the rest of the band refused. Even with the guy's insistence I was hesitant. Razor had me so fucked up mentally that I didn't want a lot of people to know so I used my real name." I walked toward my back office that I never let anyone in. "Come on in here."

They followed me into the room that, in no way matched the rest of my apartment. It was a dark burgundy color with gold carpet and many platinum albums and guitars lining the walls. A few statuettes lined the brass and glass desk that rested in the middle of the room.

Jane started to squeal when she walked in. "Holy shit is that a Grammy? And that's a platinum record!"

I smiled, "Yeah, after the guys became popular a lot of artists recorded my songs."

Adam sat me down on my black leather couch. "Nice effort, trying to distract us with shiny objects. Finish telling your story."

I sighed, "The only problem back then was money. I made great, I mean really great, money from the bar but it wasn’t enough. I let Razor convince me that the band needed to focus on their music and he talked me into working for a friend of his who owned a strip club. It was very difficult at first and I wanted to quit but he convinced me that I needed to do it to help him make it big."

Tears fell down my cheeks as I leaned into Adam's side. "He told me if I truly loved him, I would do it. In hindsight I should have ended it right then but I was young, dumb and head over heels for my very own personal rock star plus he kept making promises I should have known he'd never keep."

I paused as I remembered how he told me he was trying to build up a nest egg for our future together because neither of us would have the opportunity to make that kind of money once we switched back.

Realizing they were waiting for me to finish my story, a shudder ran through my body as I continued. "I never got used to everyone touching me. It really bothered me and I turned to alcohol and drugs to help numb me to it. I found it helped to imagine the guys grabbing me were Razor."

Jane gasped in surprise and squeezed my knee. "That's why you have such issues with guys touching you?"

I nodded as I took another large drink and glanced at Adam who was staring with an anger I hoped wasn't meant for me.

"That's part of it. The other part is that one night I was taking a coworker home and my car broke down in a bad part of town and bad things happened. That's all I want to say about that."

Adam pulled me close, his support gave me the strength to press on. "A lot of the bands came to the strip club and started asking me to be in their videos. I only agreed because I needed every dime I could get my hands on to support mine and Razor's growing drug habit. Plus if I had said no I knew I would be in for a beating."

"Because of the videos and MTV, I developed quite a following and that made Razor jealous. I thought I was in love with him and would do anything he asked of me, I wanted him to tell me to quit but he’d always say we needed the money. I was making great money by then but he resented the fact I had a larger fan base than he did because of my being recognized from all the videos."

"Was this all before they had a record deal?" Adam asked me.

I shook my head. "In the beginning they didn't, but by that time Annihilation had been signed. Their album hadn't been released yet so they were still broke since they partied away the advance. I would come home from working noon to six at the strip club then seven to close at the club or from a video shoot and he would constantly belittle me. He knew the reasons I had low self-esteem so it was easy for him to break me down to the point that I thought he was the only person who could love me. I no longer felt worthy of his love or anyone else’s."

Adam grabbed my hand. "You know better now don’t you?"

I leaned over and kissed him "Yes honey I do. Thanks to you."

I continued, "The record label knew when they signed Annihilation that I was Razor’s girl and demanded I be in their videos. The label played up the fact I was his girlfriend in the press and demanded I go on the road with them as a dancer and backup singer. I was happy to do so as I believed I was helping his career plus it kept me close to him. It also kept me from having to strip but Razor resented it, he said I was riding his coattails. The more famous he grew, the meaner he became but I always blamed myself for making him angry."

A tear started to form but did not fall. "I was so stupid and totally in love. I gave up both my jobs and took off going from dive to dive and quickly we worked our way up to opening acts for more established bands and then eventually they headlined arena shows."

I glanced at Adam, he was obviously uncomfortable but he was still by my side and not running for the hills. I gripped his hand tightly as a silent thank you. "They had a top ten album and sold out wherever they went but even then he wasn’t happy. The guys in the band were always great. They treated me like their kid sister.

I continued to help them write songs from time to time but Razor accused me of fucking all of them, even Matt! It got so bad that my writing with the guys had to stop. I wasn’t allowed to look at anyone but him. If he thought I might have even peeked at someone else I had hell to pay."

Jane squeezed my arm for encouragement.

"On tour I had become friends with another dancer, Gracie and we would joke around singing and dancing. A record exec heard us one night during a sound check just goofing around on some songs I'd written and offered us a contract on the spot. At first I balked because I was afraid of Razor’s reaction but Gracie and the guys in the band convinced me that it was something I needed to do."

Talking about everything felt strangely informative for me. This was the first time I really ever discussed those crazy times. I thought about them often but sadly I had grouped those two wonderful girls and the guys from the band into the dark memories instead of the happy ones where they deserved to live.

Actually talking out loud was extraordinarily liberating.

"I think the guys wanted me away from Razor. No, in hindsight, I know they wanted me to break free of him. They convinced me that maybe he needed some space cause I was smothering him. I finally agreed on the stipulation that we would tour with ‘Annihilation’ whenever we could. I thought agreeing was good for our relationship."

"The record company approved of my conditions but I think they only agreed because they knew I already had a built in following. I mean, even back in the early days of the internet I had a huge fan following with pages of nothing but pictures of me that were getting tons of traffic."

Adam laughed. "You mean from horny kids like me?"

I grinned and nodded. "Gracie and I along with another friend, Liz, formed ‘Bellero’. Gracie and Liz were more talented and prettier but because of my popularity that they made me the main focus of the group."

Adam beamed at me. "I disagree. You were, by far, the most talented. They never achieved the same success after you left."

I patted his arm. "Of course you'd say that."

Adam grinned, "I knew you sounded like a professional when I saw you sing that one night, I even told you so."

I couldn’t help but to chuckle at him. "I know Baby but I couldn't tell you."

Jane sat back grinning. "I told you the first night we met when I caught you singing one of your songs."

I started laughing at the memory "Oh yeah, I remember that. I guess now you know why I sound just like her."

Adam looked to us for an explanation.

Jane gave him a cliff notes version of that night.

She turned back to me. "How long were you with them?"

"Only for the first two albums but I left before the second one was released. We recorded them between tour stops and on breaks when we were shooting the movie the label execs talked us into starring in. It was a crazy time. We were a completely manufactured group. The label had us initially as a novelty act to bring in the guys so they would see the main acts but then we took off. Nobody could have ever guessed our music would be so popular."

Adam's eyes opened wide as he looked through the photo album. He held up the page with a picture of my Porsche. "I didn't realize your car was that old. It looks brand new."

I took the captured memory from him to get a better look. "Yeah, I only agreed to do the one album initially. I wasn't sure I wanted to do another and if I did there were a few other labels trying to woo me so the execs tried to bribe me with a brand new car." I laughed, "And it worked too. I agreed to go back to the studio the next day."

Chapter Twenty-two

Adam took the photo album from my hands and sat it in his lap. "I'm sorry for interrupting. What happened with Bellero?"

"The label pulled me off Razor’s tour for awhile to support the album and to make the movie but I traveled to wherever he was every chance I had. The label would pay for my trips if I agreed to perform with the band. Razor hated it and he didn't even try to hide his disgust when I would come out on stage. He would steam every time the crowd would erupt louder than at any point of the night. He always claimed I had more fame than he did, which in retrospect, I guess I probably did. What I could never get him to understand was I didn't want the number one records or the fame. I didn't even care about my past anymore. I just wanted him. Things continued like that til I became pregnant with Hunter."

I felt myself shudder from the memory and Adam pulled me close to him again. An uncontrollable sob escaped. "I had just finished shooting the movie and a couple of videos that would accompany the theatrical release. The entire time I was shooting I constantly felt sick or tired but pushed myself to get through it. After shooting finished I gave in and saw a doctor, thinking I was just overworked but he told me I was expecting."

"As soon as I was told, I booked a flight to the middle of nowhere so I could inform Razor. I was scared to death. Becoming pregnant was not something my brain had been wired to even consider. I was not equipped to handle the news and carried a crazy hope that Razor could help me sort things out."

Jane smiled as she reached for my hand again. "Sis, no woman is prepared for a surprise pregnancy. It sounds to me like your reaction was totally normal."

I nodded and felt slightly comforted by her words. "That's good to know because I was freaking out and needed to hear Razor tell me everything was going to be okay but he went ballistic when I told him. He accused me of sleeping around even though he'd been the only guy I'd been with since the day we reconnected. Nothing I said could convince him I'd been faithful. Then he claimed I was doing it as a ploy to ruin his life. He went crazy and forced himself on me while at the same time beating the hell out of me. He had hit me before but this time he left me for dead."

Adam and Jane could not control their tears as I continued.

I started to shake while the understanding man I loved so much held me tightly in his safe arms. "Matt was the one who found me and rushed me to the emergency room. I spent seven days in a hospital in the middle of Montana and almost lost Hunter. It was a miracle we survived. I didn't dare call Mom and Dad cause I was afraid of what they would say. The other guys in the band were all wonderful but everyone had to continue with the tour so they couldn't stick around and Ellie, Gracie and Liz were still in LA so it was just me until I was well enough to travel."

I rested my head on Adam's shoulder. "My priorities changed after that and I decided to quit. I moved in with Ellie until right after Hunter was born. The record company said I had a career ending vocal injury and that was why I retired. They paid me off not to press charges and keep my mouth shut to the press. I took the money I received, became Sara Collins again and moved to New York."

"I begged Ellie to move with me but she stayed in LA. I had a new nose and lips from the reconstruction so I dyed my hair brown, got brown contacts, toned down my look and always made sure to hide my tattoos. Soon after I got settled in, I found a dialect coach to lose my recognizable accent and left Belle behind to start a new life and never looked back until tonight."

Jane appeared confused, "How did you get from there to here?"

I smiled at the memory and dug out my frequently browsed album of Gabe and Anna. "I met an older couple living on the same block I did soon after moving in. Hunter couldn't have been more than a month or two old and I had him in a carrier strapped to my body. We were walking to the store when I saw this proper lady carrying a paper bag of groceries. She carried herself in a manner that I envied and I couldn't help but to stare. If I was going to turn my life around, I wanted to be like her."

"I felt so bad for her when the bottom fell out of her bag causing all her food to scatter everywhere. I rushed over to help gather everything and offered her the canvas bag I always used. She graciously accepted and we started talking."

I began to laugh as I ran my finger lovingly over a picture of her and my sweet child. "She noticed Hunter and, like everyone that met him, instantly fell in love. After that we became friends and since she couldn't have kids of her own, she and her husband sort of adopted Hunter and I as family.

Gabriel taught me how to manage my money and gave me a part-time job with their firm and Anna watched Hunter so I could go to school and get my GED. I was able to live comfortably because his advice on how to invest the payoff as well as the royalty checks from the songs I'd written for Annihilation, not to mention all of the songs for ‘Bellero’ and other artists. They insisted I go to college and after graduating Gabriel gave me a full-time job and allowed me the opportunity to work my way up."

Adam appeared confused. "Did anyone know what happened to you?"

Once again I nodded. "After I moved to New York, Ellie and Matt were the only two who knew where I was and they swore never to tell anyone. My mind was so twisted that I honestly thought nobody else cared so I never looked back. Later I regretted my actions but I felt the damage had been done and since I had no desire to return to that life I let sleeping dogs lie. I stopped listening to the radio, stopped watching anything music related, and didn't even look at a magazine rack in a supermarket checkout."

I closed the photo album and smiled. "I shut it all out and started a brand new life and became a brand new Sara."

Jane pulled me away from Adam to embrace me herself. "I’m so sorry girl, no wonder you never talk about it. I had no idea. You are so brave, I admire you more than ever before."

I smiled at her, "Until tonight Ellie was the only one who knew everything. My parents don't have a clue about half the things that happened. They think I went straight from modeling to Bellero but think I had to quit because I became pregnant. They know I dated Razor but nothing more than that."

Adam asked a question that I could tell he had been holding in for a few minutes. "What was the deal with Zack that night?"

I remember the awkward moment while trying to get into the VIP section.

"Zack was originally a bouncer at the Tipsy, then a roadie for Annihilation who had always been protective of me. When the label started noticing mysterious bruises on me, I lied and said that overzealous fans didn't like me being with Razor. They unofficially tasked him with keeping an eye on me while we were on tour. This position eventually became fulltime when Bellero was formed but I had not seen him before that night at the club since the night I was taken to the hospital."

Adam nodded. "It must have been eating him up from the way he reacted when he saw you."

I started to cry again. "Yeah, it took everything I had not to grab him and tell him everything was okay but I couldn't risk destroying everything I've worked so hard to build. I didn't want to take the chance of him telling someone and it getting back to Razor where we were. I had to pretend I didn't know him."

Adam decided to steer me away from that topic and asked another question I knew he had stored away. "Is that why the band broke up? I remember them splitting around the same time you left Bellero."

My stomach knotted up. "After Matt rushed me to the ER they told him about my condition and what all happened. He went and found Tim and Jess and told them what was done to me before they went to confront Razor.

When they found him he was in bed with a groupie. The guys beat the shit out of him. They tried to quit but the record company said they were contractually obligated for one more album. They cancelled the rest of the tour dates and did a quick greatest hits before going their separate ways."

While it was refreshing to finally tell everything, the fear of rejection was my prevalent emotion. Who could love someone with a past like mine?

I looked to Adam. "I hope you can still love me after knowing all this."

He pulled me to his comforting chest. "You should know this doesn’t change anything except maybe I love you more than before. You are so strong, stronger than you know. You are also just as beautiful as you ever were. In my opinion you're even more so now."

It felt good to share everything. I had no secrets from Adam. He knew my worst and still loved me.

Jane sensed Adam and I needed some time alone to talk one on one so she stood and stretched. "I think I need to get home, it’s late."

I stood and hugged her as she whispered in my ear, "I love you girl. Thanks for telling me. You have been through some crazy stuff and emerged a better person. I am proud to have you as my best friend."

She turned to Adam and hugged him, "See little brother, you two are made for each other. I think she'll understand you better than anyone can."

Adam returned her embrace. "I know sis. I must have done something right in a previous life to deserve her."

After walking Jane to the door, I sat down next to Adam on the couch utterly exhausted and anxious to feel his love but I felt guilty he still did not know everything.

I rested my head on his shoulder as I whispered, "I love you. I wish I could tell you the whole story."

"What does that mean?" Adam asked.

I tried to think of a way to tell him that would not break the rules. Finally I said one word. "Polina."

Oddly it was like Adam understood. "She did something to you didn't she? She blocked it so you can't talk about what she did."

I nodded as a tear escaped.

He reached into his pocket for his phone before hitting one of the speed dials.

"Hey Cali I need a huge favor if you can…Polina did something to Sara didn't she?...Can you make it where Sara can talk to me about it?...Do you need to be touching her to do it?...Oh, I didn't know it worked like that…so you can do it?... No?.... What do you mean only to you? I need to know… Dani can do with your help? That's great…I owe both of ya little sis… Can I tell her about me?... You are actually going to let her remember us from back then?..." He started to chuckle a little. "Oh yeah, how could I forget that?... she will definitely remember it…Thanks, I love ya… Bye."

As he hung up from his friend I felt a small charge flow through my body.

Adam smiled. "You can talk freely now. Do you remember my friends Cali and Dani?"

I nodded. "The short red head and… The one who looked like her." My voice laced with contempt as I said her.

"Anyways…." He said to avoid my disdain. "Dani is Polina's sister, she has the power to lift the part of what Polina did to you that made you keep everything in. I know better than to try and defend Polina to you but Cali and Dani are really good people who only want to help. They understand your anger and said I am to give you their number if you ever want to talk."

I timidly opened my mouth to speak and the truth spilled from my worried lips. I nervously told the man I loved about how I had spent the first eighteen years of my life as a male and started crying as I shared the events of the first months after I was changed.

Adam stayed silent as I recounted everything. At no time did he express anything that made me believe he doubted me.

I also told him the truth of why I stayed with Razor as long as I did and how I held out hope longer than any sane person should have in the hopes that he would agree to switch back.

I ended my confession with telling him how he was the only man that had ever made me glad I was a woman.

My anxiety was overwhelming as I worried that he could not handle what I had told him. I was terrified as I held onto him. "I promise you I am all woman and I love you with all my heart."

Adam kissed me again with soft lips. "I never doubted you were and I love you too Baby. Now that you've told me your secret, I need to tell you something about myself. You are probably the only person on the planet who would believe me."

Adam started telling me how he used to be a stuntman named Ryan Crews. He told me about how his friend Cali used to be his best friend Ty and that they were two of the most respected stuntmen in Hollywood.

He explained how Ty was married to Dani and how their love endured after Ty became Cali.

He told me of how he had died in someone's attempt to harm Dani and how the man who murdered him tried to brainwash him into helping the man harm Ryan's friends.

My love became emotional as he spoke of Cali breaking through to him and bringing his mind back from the hellish prison it had been trapped in. He told me about how he ended up helping save his friend and this new life was his reward.

His eyes filled with tears as he spoke of parents he could never see again but they brightened as he spoke of his sister Renee who recently eloped and moved back to the small east Tennessee town in which they were raised. He told me that Renee knew of his past life but Jane did not.

We shared a laugh when I realized his sister had worked for me for a month before she quit to move away.

I was surprised when I found out her new husband was Cali's brother.

I waited for him to mention his sister's transsexual status but he never did. He talked as if she had always been a woman and that single act told me more than anything that he really did not have an issue with what had been done to me.

He told me about having a mind full of two sets of memories and both felt real to him. He said it was as if he had lived two completely separate lives. He told me his love for Jane was every bit as strong as what he felt for Renee and that his sense of loss for Adam's parents was stronger than what he experienced concerning Ryan's parents because he knew Ryan's parents were still alive and well and they were moving on because they thought he was dead.

The last thing he mentioned set my mind at ease. He explained to me how that, even though Cali possessed all of Ty's memories, he saw his best friend as one hundred percent female because that was what she was now.

He kissed me tenderly as he told me what happened in my past was just that…in my past.

After he finished we cuddled together in silence as my mind wrapped around what he had told me. What I experienced was bad but at least those that cared about me were still in my life.

What happened to me could have been worse.

"It sounds like we walked the same ground but at different times." I said as I thought it odd that two people from small Tennessee towns found their way to Los Angeles.

Adam smiled. "Actually you met me when I was Ryan. It was one of the very first movies Ty and I worked on. I did the stunts for the lead actor and Ty did the stunts for Liz."

I stopped him. "Wait, you were the cute blonde and Cali was that angry little smart ass?"

Adam laughed. "I guess that would be one way to describe us. You mean you actually remembered who we were?"

I nodded. "It's weird but for some reason I've been thinking about working on that movie a lot since I first met Cali. Now I know it is because she doesn't really look that different, only shorter and more feminine. She looks like she is her own sister. You were always so friendly and funny and your friend always had such a chip on his shoulder."

I laughed as I brought the memory into focus. "If I remember correctly, you had a way with the ladies back then too." I leaned back with a jealous brow raised. "Didn't you hook up with Liz on that shoot?"

Adam blushed slightly. "I didn't because I am Adam now but yeah, Ryan did date Liz for a minute. It wasn't that I did not want you because I did but it was common knowledge on the set that you were hopelessly in love and hitting on you was useless."

I laughed. "Yeah I was so stupid. I also remember that we were warned to keep our distance from Ty because he was known to be unstable. I think it was Zack who learned the hard way when he hit on Ty not realizing he was a man."

I snapped my fingers as realization hit. "I know it was Zack because then to save face, he made a joke to Ty about his size and having to work in a dress. The poor guy was limping for a week after Ty was done with him. I have never seen someone move so fast and with such fury. I can't believe that angry little man is that sweet woman."

Adam smiled warmly. "The difference is what I called the Danica effect. Dani calmed Ty and gave him focus. You are right, Ty did have a chip on his shoulder back then but it was because he had it so rough growing up. When Tyler and Dani got together Ty no longer had to prove anything to anyone. He finally let everyone see the great guy I had known my whole life."

Listening to Adam explain the effect Dani had on Cali mirrored how I believed Adam calmed me. With Adam in my life, nothing else mattered.

I hugged my man tightly. "Baby, I'm sorry you had to go through that but in a way I'm glad you did. If neither of us had changed, we wouldn't be here like this right now. Ryan was cute but you are all I could ever want."

Adam leaned down to place a soft kiss on my lips. "I couldn't agree more. It is like we were made specifically for each other."

After a few minutes of making out, Adam pulled away. "Do you feel up to going tomorrow? I think you need to, just so you can put all this behind you." Concern was evident in his voice.

I buried my head in his chest. "I don’t know. It could be fun seeing all my old friends but I need to have you there with me."

"Of course, you know I'm always here for you."

I grabbed Adam’s hands and placed a loving kiss on his knuckles before staring up into his eyes. "Do you think you can handle the stories you'll hear tomorrow? A lot of them will probably be true."

Adam’s face twisted as he pondered my question before he lit up. "Yes, I think I can. Tomorrow will be what we make of it, so let’s make it fun."

"Can you promise me one thing?" I asked.

Adam gazed at me sincerely. "Anything, you know that."

My tone became cold as ice. "Keep Razor away from me."

Adam nodded. "I think he needs to stay away from both of us. If I had known about all this I would've never invited him to my club, much less asked him to perform. I may smack him when I see his sorry ass on principle alone."

He stood, pulling me into his muscular arms "Let’s go to bed, you have to be up early and it's gonna be a long day tomorrow."

As we headed to my bedroom I leaned into him, "I worked late tonight so I'm way ahead of schedule. I think I'll work from home tomorrow so maybe we can stay up a little later."

Adam nodded warmly but appeared anxious. "Being the boss has its advantages but why do we need to stay up? Do you still need to talk?"

I kissed my gorgeous man. "Well, my body does have a few things it wants to tell you."

Adam lifted me into his strong arms and carried me up the stairs. "I love those conversations."

Chapter Twenty-three

The following morning Adam went back up to his place to finish planning everything for the after party. I called the office to inform Jill I would be working from home for the next two days and that if anything came up I could be reached on my cell or by email.

Jill asked if she could leave early because she wanted to go to a concert. I laughed inwardly hoping that she didn’t come to the after party. I informed her it shouldn’t be a problem and told her to have fun.

As I looked through my closet I realized I didn’t have anything to wear so I called Jane.

"Hello" She answered groggily. It never crossed my mind she'd still be asleep since I figured I had been up later than her. Still, I felt bad knowing I woke her.

"Why aren't you up yet?" I asked playfully.

She groaned. "I couldn’t sleep, you gave me a lot to process last night. You sound awfully cheery, you must have slept well."

I giggled thinking about the multiple conversations Adam's body had with mine. "Yeah I did but I had some help."

"EW EW EW, I don’t wanna hear about you and my baby brother doin' the horizontal bop."

I was laughing so hard at that point I had to sit on the corner of the bed. "It wasn't all horizontal. There was some vertical going on too."

"Did you call to brag about your sex life? If so I'm going to go back to sleep and hope for a wet dream."

I was laying across my bed trying to catch my breath. "No that's not why I called. You want to go shopping with me today? I need a new dress."

Her mood suddenly improved. "Heck yeah, you want to pick me up?"

"Um, I was too drunk to drive last night, remember? I was hoping to ride with you and you can drop me off to get the Mini afterward."

Jane laughed, "Oh yeah I forgot. Give me about an hour."

"Cool, just call when you head out and I’ll be waiting out front."

---

Once we got to the mall Jane dragged me to a high end dress shop that was known to be a favorite of the female stars in town and began going through the racks. Most of the dresses she looked at were appropriate for someone ten or fifteen years younger.

I gasped. "Jane! I’m not wearing these! I'll look like one of those old women who try too hard."

Jane laughed at me. "You will not, you've got it so flaunt it. All that running you do has your body rockin'. Come on it'll be fun. Let me play Barbie on you tonight."

"You're trying to give your brother a heart attack!"

Jane wiggled her eyebrows. "No, I'm trying to give him a HARD attack."

I smirked with satisfaction. "He doesn’t need help there."

Jane put her fingers in her ears. "EW EW EW, I already told you about that!"

As I was laughing I pointed out the obvious. "You brought the subject up! It’s your fault this time."

Just then a dress caught her eye. "Ohhhh just go try this on. This looks HOT!" Jane shoved it at me and pushed me toward the dressing room.

It was a really short electric blue strapless bandage dress with silver foil panels zigzagged down the right side. I became excited thinking of Adam's reaction to seeing me in it. "I like this too, be right back."

I stepped into the dressing room to try it on. It looked amazing. It hugged every curve I had just right and somehow managed to make my small C cups appear even larger. When I proudly stepped out to show Jane she squealed in delight. "Yes, oh heck yes. You are so getting that dress. You can wear those Jimmy Choo’s you're so proud of with it."

I couldn’t agree with her more until I saw the price tag. "I'm not paying seven hundred and fifty dollars for a dress."

Jane was insistent. "I'll pay half but you have to get it. That dress was made for you."

I watched myself turn in the mirror. She was right. I could spend the next week shopping and not find a dress I liked more. "I'll pay for all of it. That way you can't borrow it and show me up by looking better in it."

Jane lightly slapped my shoulder. "As if. I don't run like you do and…" She poked her finger in my right breast. "God didn't put quite as much milk in my jugs as he did yours so I don't have the body for it."

Our next stop was a jewelry kiosk to pick out some jewelry.

"Dang girl, I think your neck is as long as my legs." Jane exclaimed as I tried on a black multi row faceted necklace.

I stared at her. "What the Hell? You make it sound like I'm a giraffe. That's mean."

Jane laughed at me. "No, it's a good thing. I've always wanted a long neck."

I walked up to the register to pay. "Oh okay. I don't know why, I've always been self conscious about it."

Jane skeptically raised her eyebrows as she walked toward the door. "What are you not self conscious about? I know you have issues but let's be real for a minute. Most women would slap their mama to have looks you beat yourself up over. It gets really old hearing you whine."

I rolled my eyes at her and abruptly she stopped to face me. "Stop, just stop it. I love you but I could wring your neck sometimes. You're tall, unbelievably gorgeous, and if that's not enough you have some freakish trait that makes you look years younger than you are. Plus you whiny bitch, you have a boyfriend who would walk over hot coals to get to you. When we met I thought it was sweet you were so humble but now it's fucking annoying. Yes, you have been through some shit but show me anybody who has really lived that hasn't."

I froze dumbfounded not having any words to argue with her with so she continued. "Sis, I'd say I'm sorry but I'm really not. Just stop with the self loathing okay?"

Still unsure of how to respond I simply nodded. "Um, okay."

Jane, acting like she had not just given me the verbal slap down of my life, placed her arm in mine and started walking again. "Thanks."

We made a few more stops to get some odds and ends. I asked Jane what she was going to wear but she informed me she was going to be in her standard club tank and black shorts.

On the way home I decided to ask her about what she said to Adam the night before. "Sis, what did you mean when you told Adam that I'd understand him better than anyone."

Jane shifted nervously. "It's not my place to say. That's a conversation you need to have with him."

"What do you mean? Is it bad?"

Jane shook her head but she wasn't as convincing as she attempted to be. "No, not at all but it's still not my place to say."

"You're not going to tell me are you?"

Jane sighed and looked at me with an expression that told me she was in the middle of something she didn't want any part of. Her right eyebrow lifted, "What, in the time that you've known me makes you think I would?"

I laughed timidly. "Nothing at all. You keep secrets like nobody else."

Jane gave me an ironic smile. "You've managed to keep a few of you own."

I nodded. "That's true." I noticed Jane was headed back to the apartment. "Don't forget my car's at the club."

With an abrupt U-turn that caused her tires to scream and scared me half to death Jane laughed. "Shit, I forgot. Thanks."

After dropping me off at my Mini she rolled down her window. "I’ll be by your place at six to help you get ready. Adam's opening and I'm closing so I have time."

"See you then, I had fun today. Love ya." I blew air kisses in her direction.

"Me too, Love ya too."

The tires squealed as her bright green Camaro took off.

---

At six on the nose Jane was ringing my doorbell. I had just stepped out of the tub and only had on my black strapless lace bra and matching thong panties that I bought as a surprise for Adam. I reached for my robe before heading to the door. I hadn't had time to dry my hair so it was still wrapped in a towel around my head.

I opened the door and she rushed in. "Oh good, your hair's still wet, that'll make it easier."

She wasted no time as she pushed me up the flight of steps to my bedroom and placed me in front of my vanity before covering the mirror with the towel from my head. "I'm giving you a complete makeover tonight. This is gonna to be fun and I don’t want any of your sassy lip."

Her excitement was contagious as she started working on my primer and foundation then started on my eyes. She glued extensions on my lashes before applying light shadow above and below my eyes then adding liberal amounts of kohl black around my lids. I looked at the black container she placed on my vanity. "I hope the mascara is waterproof."

Jane grinned and started applying pink blush and frosted pink lipstick. "Don’t worry, I thought ahead."

Once done with my face she started on my hair. My poor follicles had not been treated like that in years. Between her curling and crimping, I swear she used two cans of hairspray before she finished.

Jane refused to allow me to get a good look at myself. She grabbed my dress from the bed and handed it to me. "Get dressed before you look, I want you to get the full effect."

I did as instructed and wiggled into my strapless dress then sat on the bed to slip on my heels. After I stood, she led me to my full-length mirror.

I gasped upon seeing my reflection. "Holy Hell Jane! Everyone's going to know who I used to be! Damn, you even gave me the same hairstyle."

Jane smiled triumphantly. "I know right, Adam is going to shit a brick when he sees you."

I continued to stare at a brunette version of Belle. The eyes of the woman I saw were full of panic. "You know how jealous he can be. He has to work, he’s gonna to be too worried about me to get anything done. I can’t do this."

Jane's voice took on an intensity that was hard to ignore. "Yes you can and you will!"

I shook my head violently. "No Jane, I can’t. I buried this girl thirteen years ago."

She glared up at me. "No you didn’t. If you'd properly buried her Adam wouldn't have had to order more Petron today after your binge last night. You need this, you need tonight to give her closure."

I started to tremble. The fear of the unknown was beginning to consume me. "I’m not sure I can do this."

Jane put her arms around my waist. "Do you trust me?"

"Of course."

"Do you trust Adam?"

"Implicitly."

"Do you trust Ellie?"

"With my life."

"We will all be there for you. You can do this and you WILL do this."

I knew I wasn't going to win this argument. Jane was as strong willed as they come. Fighting with her was worse than with Ellie. I made my blue eyes appear as large as possible and gave her my best sad puppy dog look. "Me looking like this could be a problem."

Jane appeared confused. "For who? I guarantee Adam will love it."

I again looked in the mirror at the person I spent the last thirteen years running from. "No, for me. I'm not sure I can handle it."

Jane approached me and put her arm around my waist. "There ain't no problem that can't be forgotten at the bottom of a glass. I'll just make sure to keep you topped off if that's what it takes to get you to go through with this. You need the closure." She grabbed my arm and tugged me toward the door. "Come on, I don't want to be late."

After we arrived at the club Jane shuttled me unseen to Adam’s office. While she went to get him from the VIP area in the back I fidgeted in the corner nervously anticipating his reaction. I had no idea how he would respond but I couldn't imagine it being good and was seriously regretting letting her talk me into this.

Jane pushed Adam through the door startling me. He froze in his tracks as his eyes were drinking me in. I posed nervously and attempted to smile.

It felt like an eternity before he spoke. "Wow, uh yeah wow."

Not quite what I was expecting. He's usually more articulate.

Jane punched him in the ribs. "Damn baby bro. All that work and all you can say is wow?"

Adam shook his head and looked at me again appreciatively. "I really don’t know what to say. You look… you look like you stepped out of my dreams."

My relief was great as I rushed to his arms with such force he fell against the wall. I smothered my wonderful man with kisses before asking, "So you approve? I was worried you wouldn’t like it."

Adam rubbed his hands over my hips and cupped my behind, "What's not to like? Don’t get me wrong, you always look fantastic but tonight… wow."

Jane was beaming. "See, I told ya he'd like it."

She quietly slipped out of the office.

I looked into Adam’s eyes "Are you sure you’re going to be ok with what'll probably happen tonight?"

Adam kissed me deeply before he spoke again. "You mean, that everyone is gonna know I'm loved by and in love with the hottest woman in the place?" He smiled brightly and nodded his head. "Yeah I think I’m ok with that."

I giggled and looked deep into his dark eyes. "That’s not what I mean and you know it."

Adam sighed and rested his forehead on mine. "I know and yes. I'll be completely ok with any story I hear. I realize everything I hear tonight is about Belle, not you."

I gave him a sideways look. "Not me?"

Adam grinned. "Both of us have past lives. Sean was before Belle and Belle was before you. Much in the same way Ryan was before me. You're my Sara and as you so vehemently told me last night, you're not Belle anymore, but I know the life you had then combined with everything afterwards made you the woman I fell in love with."

I beamed at this glorious man who meant so much to me. "I love you Baby."

Adam clasped his hand over mine and tugged me to the door. "I love you too. Let’s go. I want to show you off!"

Chapter Twenty-four

Adam led me out into the bar and Jane met me with a margarita. The gasps from the regulars was unnerving, I shifted nervously from foot to foot and licked my lips before I searched for the bottom of my glass. Adam leaned into me, "I love it when you do that but don’t be nervous. I’m here for you and it'll be a great night."

I looked across at him bemused and squinched my nose. "I’m not nervous."

Adam smiled at me "You're lying and we both know it."

I attempted to change the subject, "You like it when I down a drink?"

Adam laughed heartily. "No silly, I like it when you lick your lips."

My cheeks flushed. "Oh, I didn’t realize I'd licked them. You want me to do it again?" I leaned closer and caressed my lips seductively with my tongue.

He instantly pulled me close and kissed me again.

Jane kept her word because I had no more finished my drink before she handed me another which I made short work of as well.

My second margarita finally allowed me to relax and I started to check out the club. They had posters of all the bands that were advertised to be performing at the arena along with a few that I didn’t remember being listed.

I gasped as I viewed a poster of ‘Bellero’. It was a collage of the many incarnations of the group. I noticed myself in the right top and bottom left corners of the poster. I walked closer so I could get a better look.

"Hey Baby," I looked to Adam as he had stepped behind the bar to get me another drink. "Why is there a picture of my old group?"

Adam’s eyes blazed with a mix of disappointment and mischief. "No reason."

I pursed my lips to let him know his excuse did not impress me. "You expect me to believe that?"

Adam chuckled and handed me another margarita. "They're one of the surprise guests at the show. I planned it before I knew."

He shook his head in amazement. "I've had that poster in my office for a week and never made the connection. They are gonna to be here tonight, I wanted it to be a surprise."

My eyes widened with excitement. "Liz and Gracie are going to be here?" I hopped up and down as Adam grin told me they were. "It'll be great to see them, do they know I'll be here?"

Adam shrugged his shoulder. "I don’t know. It depends on your friends. I haven’t said anything."

I clasped my hands and rubbed them together. "I hope not, I can’t wait to see the look on their faces."

I became sidetracked from my excitement when I noticed Adam had a sharpie in his pocket. I couldn't help but to giggle as I asked him, "Hoping to get some autographs?"

Adam blushed but said nothing.

I laughed again at seeing my sexy confident man acting like starstruck fan. "Oh my God! You are!"

Adam's face turned an even deeper shade of crimson as he slightly nodded his head.

I grabbed the marker from his pocket. "You want mine?"

Adam tried to stop me before I ran over to the poster. I uncapped the Sharpie and signed the poster above my picture.

All my love for my biggest fan.

In case you didn't know

I'm your biggest fan too.

I Love You Always,

Belle

AKA Your Sara!

Adam got over his embarrassment as soon as he read what I wrote. He grabbed the marker from my hand laughing. "Now I'll have to get this framed."

An idea suddenly came to mind and I told him. He grinned and agreed to help.

I noticed the club starting to fill up and realized Adam wasn't at his usual perch at the bottom of the stairs.

"Why aren’t you at the door tonight?"

"I hired extra help for tonight since it's going to be crazy. I've got a lot to do up here plus I didn’t want to miss the show, but the main reason was I wanted to be here with you, be here for you." Adam smiled and pulled me to him.

How did I get so lucky to have a man like this?

Adam tilted his head toward the stairwell. "I think there's someone who would love to talk to you."

I looked over and saw my old bodyguard Zack entering the bar. I smiled gratefully, "You’re right, you want to come with me?"

He shook his head. "Only if you want me too. I remember how he looked that night and I'm not sure he'd be comfortable with me hovering."

I nodded. "You're probably right." I kissed his cheek. "I don't know what I did to deserve you but I'm glad I did it."

He smiled and released me so I could go make amends. "I'll be over here if you need me."

I didn't even make it half-way before his strong arms lifting me off the ground. "I thought that was you last time I saw you but you made me believe I was wrong."

I sighed as Zack sat me down. "I'm sorry Z. I don't have an excuse. You caught me off guard and I wasn't ready for that life to find me here."

Zack's arm remained over my shoulder. "Don't sweat it girl. That bastard messed with your head pretty good so I understand you not wanting anyone to know you were here. I'm just happy to see ya."

I hugged him again. "I'm happy to see you too."

His voice started to break. "I can't begin to tell you how sorry I am. I never imagined that bastard was the one who was hurting you. If I'd known I wouldn't have gone out with my friends and left you alone that day. I thought you were safe."

I caressed his cheek. "It's okay Z, I never blamed you. I never told anyone what he did to me. I wanted to tell you that night I saw you but couldn't do it. I'm the one who is sorry. Can you forgive me?"

He smiled. "I forgave you the second I saw you."

"Damn Girl, what the hell!" Ellie screamed above the music playing.

I turned and found Ellie staring. She was full on Pixie tonight in a yellow halter dress with matching heels. Her hair was styled similar to mine causing me to shake my head and giggle.

Zack laughed as he beamed at me. "I'll catch up with you in a minute. I'm going to get a drink, you still drink strawberry margaritas or have you completely switched to sex on the beach?"

I laughed. "You know me too well. I still love my margaritas."

He smiled as headed to the bar and I rushed to Ellie before pulling her close. "Looks like I’m not the only one who decided to step into the time machine."

Ellie laughed. "Yeah but everyone knew I’d do it. I can’t believe you. You look great! All you need is the blonde hair."

I smiled warmly, "Adam, Jane and I talked last night after we went home and we decided I needed to exorcize my demons and I needed to embrace Belle one more time to do that."

Ellie stared at me apprehensively "You told him everything?"

I nodded as I leaned in so that only she could hear. "I told him and Jane both. They know. I love him and he needed to know."

Ellie looked nervously over in Adam’s direction. "He seems to handling it okay."

I shrugged. "So far he does, the test will be when everyone shows up."

Ellie grinned in understanding. "Good thing you weren’t like me back then. I made Greg stay home."

I pretended to be puzzled but inwardly I was doing a happy dance that he wouldn't be here casting a judgmental eye at me. "Why couldn’t Greg be here?"

Ellie smacked me on the back of my head. "You were ever only with Razor. You knew everyone but I knew everyone."

I laughed because in her mind she was right. "Sorry, I might not be blonde anymore but I still have blond moments and just so you know, I might've dated a few guys before Razor. You just didn’t know because it all happened before you moved out there."

Ellie gawked at me, "Why didn’t you tell me? I always thought you'd only been with Razor."

I wrung my hands together as I slumped my shoulders. "I was embarrassed, plus by the time you got there I was all about him and didn’t even want to think of what happened before he came into my life."

"Anyone famous?" Ellie pressed.

I lifted my brows. "Maybe but I’m not getting into it now. We'll talk about it later."

Zack returned with my drink and playfully shoved Ellie. "I have a bone to pick with you Pixie, you've known all this time. I tried telling you she was in town and you said you knew exactly where she was and said Belle was nowhere near here. You convinced me I was crazy."

Ellie laughed. "Well, you are crazy Zack. In my defense though, she hasn't been Belle in a long time so I wasn't lying."

Zack shrugged. "Whatever helps you sleep at night." He then smiled at me again. "We need to grab some lunch or something and catch up. God I've missed ya girl."

I smiled back at him. "Sure, that sounds great but you'll need to clear it with my boyfriend."

Zack faked his horror. "Damn, I guess this is the only chance I'll get to talk to you then."

I was still laughing when I noticed Liz and Gracie come in the back and head to the VIP area close to the stage. I tilted my head in their direction with a wide grin.

Zack released me with a grin. "I guess you have some catching up you need to do."

Ellie smiled warmly. "As soon as I saw them take the stage I knew you were going to be beside yourself."

I gave Zack another hug before I gripped her hand and dragged her to Adam who was talking to some of his friends. They stared in amazement as I kissed his cheek. "Hey Baby, Liz and Gracie just got here you know what to do."

Adam grabbed my hand. "Sure babe, let’s go."

Ellie appeared confused as Adam grabbed the poster from behind the bar and approached my friends. I grinned wildly at her. "Watch this."

I made sure to stay out of their line of sight as Adam walked up to Liz. "Excuse me, I'm Adam Carson and I own the club. I was wondering if I could get you to sign this poster."

Liz smiled graciously. "Of course." She looked over the poster to figure out where to sign when she stared at Adam. "This is really Belle's signature. How did you get it?"

I stepped toward her and smiled. "Hey Liz. Long time no see."

Liz jumped up in shock and ran to me. "Belle! Is it really you?"

Liz still had her platinum long blond locks and her sapphire eyes glimmered with excitement. The years had been kind to my friend, she looked just as beautiful as she ever did.

I smiled as I ran to greet her with a hug. "How ya been? I've missed you so much."

Liz looked to my side and pulled Ellie in, making it a group hug. I bet we were quite a sight with me towering over both of them since Liz was only an inch taller than Ellie. "Hey Pixie, it’s great to see you as well."

Ellie smiled. "Hey Liz, you too."

I reintroduced Adam and explained to Liz that he really did want her autograph. She laughed as she signed and said we had to go get Gracie.

Liz grabbed Adam's arm and dragged him to her table with me hiding behind his back. Liz handed the poster and marker to Gracie. "This is Adam, he owns the place and wants our autograph. He's already gotten the impossible signature and wants ours to go with it."

Gracie looked at Liz as if she was nuts. "What's the impossible signature?" She looked at the poster and gasped. "He knows Belle?"

Liz pulled me from behind my man. I was met with amazed stares as she announced. "Everyone, I think you all know who this is."

They all seemed to know who I was but I only recognized Gracie, who froze with her mouth dropped.

We were the same height and she had perfectly complected dark brown skin, with big beautiful brown eyes and gorgeous long black hair. If you were to look up beauty in the dictionary, you would find her picture. She hadn’t aged a day.

"Hey Gracie" I said as I walked over to hug her, ignoring everyone else in the group.

"Belle." she whispered. "I never thought I’d see you again. I just heard about Hunter, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you but I just found out. I'm happy to see you."

Tears started to form her eyes, which caused them to form in mine. We were saved when a very cute red headed girl with green eyes walked over extending her hand. "Belle it's great to finally meet you. Liz and Gracie have told us all so much about you. My name is Hannah."

"Hi Hannah, nice to meet you too. I hope they only told you the good things."

Hannah laughed. "I don’t think they've ever said anything bad."

I was introduced to everyone and as Liz, Gracie and I were catching up someone asked to take a picture so we all posed and smiled.

I never realized how much I missed these crazy girls until I saw them again. These two were my sanity in an insane life.

I was welcomed with open arms as everyone from the show started arriving. I was having a wonderful time catching up with the members of various bands that found their way in. They seemed to be as happy to see me, as I was to see them.

I made sure to introduce Adam to everyone and included him whenever possible. He looked to be on cloud nine and didn't even get angry about the hugs I received from many of the guys.

Adam did everything in his power to make the night special. He seemed to know a few of the guys, I assumed it's from his time as a traveling musician. Anytime someone started to tell a story about him he shut whoever was talking down and turned the focus back to me. He loved hearing all the stories he wouldn't have heard had he not been standing at my side. He laughed especially hard as one of the guys told about me tossing a drink in one particular rock legend’s lap when said legend’s hands started to roam freely.

My sexy anchor politely excused himself explaining that the bands were about to start and he needed to make sure everything was ready.

"You have yourself a hottie, look at that ass." Liz said to me as we watched Adam saunter away.

I grinned at her, "Yeah I do, I still don’t know how I got so lucky."

"If you ever get tired of him make sure to send him my way." Gracie joked.

"Hell No" I laughed, "You find your own sex god, that one's mine!"

Paul, one of the guys that worked for Adam, approached and whispered something in Gracie’s ear and she nodded her head.

"We have the first set so we need to go change." Gracie gave me a hug. "See you in a few. Don't go anywhere."

I nodded as Liz, Gracie, Hannah and the rest of their group walked away to one of the many rooms in the back.

I worked my way back to my normal perch next to the bar to wait for the girls to start. Jane slid me a drink but didn’t have time to talk as she was swamped with people wanting a drink before the bands began playing.

Soon Zack was by my side scaring off anyone who dared come near me. We spent the time catching up until Adam stepped on the stage.

"Welcome everyone to the Anthracite after-party. We have some wonderful acts lined up tonight. The first of which was the subject of almost every teenage male fantasy, especially mine." He knew exactly where to find me when he winked. "Would everyone join me in welcoming one of my personal favorites ‘Bellero’ to the stage."

I looked longingly as the girls all ran out on stage remembering the times we shared. It somehow felt wrong to see them up there without me but it was my decision to walk away. I did what was best for my son and it was the right thing to do.

Jane noticed the tear escaping my eye and gently squeezed my shoulder.

Liz stepped up to the microphone. "Thanks everybody for being here tonight." she screamed. "Anyone ready to party?"

The crowd erupted as they always did when she asked that.

"Everyone ready to rock it out?"

Once again the crowd let her know they were.

Liz glanced to Gracie and Hannah before she counted to start the first song of the night, "One, Two, Three, Four!"

The band started into a song from their third album. I was thankful because I still wasn't sure how I'd feel watching them singing a song we shared together.

I smiled and danced along as they played, remembering what it was like to be playing with them. Every once in a while Liz or Gracie would catch my eye and smile to me as they played.

Once the song was over it was Gracie’s turn to talk.

"This next song is off our first album. It was written by one of my best friends." She looked me directly in the eyes. "She was the one who sang it on our album and during our first tour. We've never done the song justice since then."

I felt a knot form in my stomach as I realized where she was headed.

"She also happens to be in the audience tonight and I think it's only right that she should perform it for you all, what do you think?"

Once again the crowd went nuts. I shook my head no to Gracie but she just smiled at me.

"Belle, would you care to join us on stage?"

After I moved to New York I had sworn that I would never, ever sing publicly again. In my mind, nothing good had ever come from my singing but if I was being honest with myself, I really missed it.

Adam, my dear sweet loving Adam. The man who assured me he would be there for me directed the lighting guy to my whereabouts. I was blinded as the light hit my eyes before it dropped to my feet, leaving me illuminated for everyone to see.

I continued to shake my head no.

Gracie smiled again. "I think she needs some encouragement."

Once again the crowd erupted as I suddenly felt hands on both sides dragging me to the stage.

I looked to see Zack on one side and Ellie on the other. Before I knew it I was up on the stage. The experience of being with my friends and hearing the crowd roar got the better of me. I relented and nodded my head yes.

Liz and Gracie both embraced me before they dragged me to the center of the stage. A stagehand walked over and placed a guitar over my shoulder. I looked down in shock as I realized it was my old guitar, the one I used when I was with the band.

I looked over at Gracie puzzled and she leaned into me. "I could never part with it. I always use it when I’m writing songs or missing you."

I beamed at her then looked over at Liz as a coolness washed over me. "Let’s do this!"

I confidently walked to the microphone.

"Hello Nashville!" I screamed and the crowd was reaching a fever pitch.

"Did anyone miss me?" I asked the crowd and the positive reaction caused me to take a step back.

"Whoa. I'll take that as a yes. Is anyone here up for a ‘Girl’s Night Out’?"

I didn’t give them a chance to respond before I began playing the guitar solo that started the song. I still knew it because I played it often when I was home alone and in need of some musical therapy.

It felt as if I had never left. Everything just flowed naturally as we drifted back in time. I was singing and dancing as I remembered the rifts and lyrics perfectly. I flirted with the crowd to get them worked up to insane levels. I searched for my friends in the sea of people and they were positively radiant, as was I.

Once the song ended Liz leaned into me, "Up for another?"

I grinned at her, "I’m up for anything at this moment."

Liz and Gracie were glowing as they said in unison. "We only have time for two more songs. I think you know the two we should do."

I smiled "I think we need to do three, I have connections with the owner, I think we'll get away with it."

They both nodded.

"Let’s do it. Belle this is your show now. You take the mike."

I was overcome with emotions and hugged them again before we started the second song.

After finishing the third I stepped back up to the microphone and waited for the crowd to quiet down so I could speak.

"Thanks everyone for indulging me tonight."

Suddenly a group in the back of the crowd yelled. "We love you Belle."

I laughed and responded. "I love you all too!" The crowd erupted again before I continued. "We were originally only supposed to play four songs tonight. I hope the owners will indulge me because I have one last song I want to sing."

Everyone laughed as we heard my man's booming voice. "You can sing as many as you want Baby."

I shook my head still beaming at him. "No, one is all I need. I've been through a lot in my life but this past year was by far the worst. Things got so bad that I wasn't sure how I was going to survive. This is a song I wrote for someone I thought I loved but I now know this song was written for a man I had not yet met. A man who has since pulled me ‘Out of the Dark’."

I scanned the crowd until I found my man standing in the lighting booth. I blew him a kiss.

"Adam this is for you baby. I love you."

I looked at him again and I could tell he was wiping away a tear from his eye as he smiled so lovingly at me.

Night is closin around me

The cloud of loneliness is all I see

I wish someone could stop the pain before it starts.

Jack and Jim are my only friends

They are always there when my day ends

They always help numb me to the pain in my heart.

Try as I might

I can’t find the light

Will anyone lead me out of the dark?

I saw you from across the room

Just a glimpse made my heart bloom

I could tell right away that you were the one

Who could lead me to the light.

I made my way through the crowd

I yelled to you but the music was too loud

You never saw me because you were focused on her.

I think I found you but it was all a blur.

I tried with all my might

But I can’t find the light

Only you can lead me out of the dark

The next night I found you on your phone

It sounded like you had fight with some girl named Joan

I just wanted to help

You just wanted to be left alone

Your mood was dark and weary

My approach had you leery

I just wanted to help

You just wanted to be left alone.

I tried with all my might

To help you find the light

But you wanted to stay in the dark

You began to realize I only wanted you to love me

That was my intention and I finally got you to see

I just want to help

I no longer want you to be alone

It was when I finally kissed you

That our gray skies turned to blue

The sun shone bright around us

We were finally out of the dark

I tried with all my might

And finally we found the light.

Together we walked out of the dark.

The crowd erupted after the song finished and the girls embraced me before we took our bows and stepped off the stage. I walked into the arms of Adam, who was waiting with tears in his eyes. "Baby, you were great up there. I love you so much."

I stared at him with all the love I held within. "I love you too. I hope you know I meant what I said on stage."

He kissed my forehead. "I do, I really do. Thank you."

Our moment was interrupted when Liz and Gracie joined us.

Gracie handed me a guitar case, "Here Belle, This is yours, you need it back."

I smiled and shook my head. "No Gracie, I can’t. You've taken care of it for so long, you keep it."

Gracie was emphatic "No, absolutely not. I now have your number, I know where you live and I can come see you. I have you again so I don’t need it anymore. You keep it and write me some songs on it."

I pulled her into a hug "Thank you. I never realized how much I missed you. I love you."

I reached out to Liz who was standing to the side and pulled her into our hug, "That goes for you too girl."

Adam grabbed the guitar. "I’ll put this in my office so it'll be safe, we can get it on the way home."

I gave him another kiss, "Thanks babe."

Chapter Twenty-five

Ellie ran up to me as I walked back into the bar area. "You were amazing. It's like you never quit. I'm so glad you broke your oath."

Gracie came up to my side pulling me close. "I know right, me too. She was amazing."

Liz put one arm around me then her other around Gracie. "It was like she never left."

It was then that I noticed Hannah behind us smiling. In all the excitement she had been kind of tossed to the side.

"Oh Hannah, I'm sorry. Please forgive me I didn’t mean to step on your toes. I got caught up in everything happening."

She gave me an understanding smile "No worries Belle, it was a real treat to see you up there with us. I think I may have learned a thing or two. That was incredible. I've never seen anyone get a crowd worked up like that. Now I understand what all the fuss was about."

I blushed. "Thank you for understanding. I guess I finally had the good bye performance I've always wanted to give."

I leaned back toward Ellie. "Tonight has been beyond my wildest dreams."

Ellie smiled. "It has for me too. Just seeing you back on stage did it for me."

Out of the corner of my eye I almost didn't recognize my secretary Jill in tight jeans and a low cut tank with her hair pulled back. She was clearly arguing with another girl but was mostly on the receiving end of whatever the disagreement. As I looked on, the other girl stormed off leaving the sweet girl who worked for me standing alone appearing as if she was about to cry.

"Oh shit" I muttered. "Will you all excuse me? I need to check on someone. I’ll see ya at the table in a few."

They all nodded and Ellie recognized Jill, "Is she okay? I’ll go get you another drink, you're going to need it I think."

I walked over and placed my hand on Jill's shoulder startling her. "Hey Jill, is something wrong?"

Jill looked up suddenly before adopting the smile I saw so often. "No, I'm fine Ms. Collins."

I could tell she was lying. There was sadness in her eyes I recognized all too well from my own mirror. I knew I had to get her alone later to ask about it at some point during the night but decided not to push the topic for the moment as there were too many people walking up to congratulate me to have a meaningful conversation. "I didn’t think you'd be here. I would've thought this music was before your time."

Jill couldn't hide that she was nervous but also in awe. "You were great up there Ms. Collins. I have older brothers who kinda raised me on this."

I laughed. "Call me Sara please, we aren’t at the office."

"Yes ma’am, I mean yes Sara. Can I ask you a question?" Poor Jill was a bundle of nerves.

"Of course you can."

"Why haven’t you let anyone know about this? I hear all the office gossip and I've never heard anything that would've made me believe what I just witnessed."

I smiled at her question. She made a valid point. "Jill, this part of my life was a long long time ago. I try not to dwell on my past and I'd appreciate your discretion at work about this."

Jill nodded her head. "Of course, I’d never say anything, you have my word. May I ask you another question?"

I smiled warmly, "Yes, ask anything you wish and you don’t need to request permission beforehand."

"Are your tattoos why you always wear some type of jacket or wrap with anything that might show your back regardless of the weather?"

I nodded my head laughing.

Jill’s face lit up. "I just thought you were modest. I think you've become one of the coolest bosses ever!"

I thought of a way I could cheer her up as I waved my hand toward the VIP area. "Would you care to join my friends and I over at our table? Who are you here with?"

Jill’s eyes widened. "Are you serious?"

I looked around the room. "Yes, where are your friends anyways?"

Jill laughed but there was a hint of sadness. "Oh, I came with a friend but she didn't like the music and couldn't handle the crowds. We usually do whatever she wants and I knew it was a mistake to invite her but did anyways."

Just when I thought she might talk to me about whatever was going on we were distracted when Adam walked up behind me and placed his arms over my shoulders and around my neck as he leaned in to give me a kiss.

I tilted my head to meet his kiss before motioning to Jill, "Honey, this is my secretary Jill. Jill this is my boyfriend Adam."

Jill’s eyes grew even wider. "Aren’t you Zeus?"

My expression instantly became puzzled as I peered up into his dark pools. His sexual prowess must be infamous.

Adam looked at her sheepishly "Yes I am. Nice to finally meet you, Sara's told me a lot about you but I prefer to be called Adam."

Jill was acting all giddy.

Why's she giddy to meet my boyfriend?

She continued to stare at my man, "I was so broken hearted when you left Xenolith. You were always my favorite."

I looked at Adam astonished. "You never told me you were in Xenolith honey."

Adam had told me that he used to be in a band and that he got burnt out from the road I just never realized it was one of the hottest independent bands out today. They were almost a throwback since their style showed a heavy mid nineties rock influence. I felt like a fool because I loved their music and owned all their albums even though they didn’t have a big U.S. following. They had achieved a cult like status among the indy faithful and were huge in Europe.

An uneasiness started nagging within but I pushed it aside for the time being.

Adam shrugged, "The subject never came up."

Jill looked astounded. "Sara, you didn’t know?"

I shook my head embarrassed.

I leaned back to Adam and gave him another kiss. "Looks like we need to have another talk about our pasts. You've caught me listening to your music and never said a word. Is that why Jane said that to you last night?"

Adam smiled his shy smile and nodded his head. "Mostly, yes and to be fair you never said a word about my tattoo so I think we're even on that front. Come on, let’s go back to the table."

As we walked to our table in the VIP section I was being stopped for autographs and pictures every few feet when Jill leaned into me, "You are now, without a doubt, the coolest boss ever!"

We were all in our seats as the rest of the line-up took their turns on stage. Adam loved all the stories he wouldn’t have otherwise heard. Ellie loved seeing everyone again. Thankfully Jill's mood appeared to be lightening and it was obvious she loved the chance to be in the VIP area meeting so many people.

I, like Ellie, loved seeing old friends.

Tim and Jesse came by for a while and congratulated me on my set saying how it felt like old times. I squeezed Adam’s hand and looked at him lovingly before telling them this time was better.

I excused myself and eventually found my way to Jane who looked totally frazzled. Her ponytail was a mess and the front of her black Anthracite tank top was soaked from using it to protect her hand while opening beer bottles. She had to yell to be heard over the music. "Damn I'll be glad when this is over. I'm busier than a one armed monkey with two peckers."

I couldn’t help but to laugh. "Not me, I am having too much fun!"

She smiled with pride. "You were great up there!"

I beamed at how wonderful of a time I was having. "I felt great up there!"

She turned to wait on a customer and I made my way back to Adam and everyone else as ‘Annihilation’ took the stage.

I yawned as the crowd started going nuts. This gesture didn't go unnoticed as everyone but Jill laughed at my inside joke.

We were all caught up in conversations until we heard Razor start to talk after their fourth song. "The next song is about loss. I lost someone very important to me back in September."

I jerked my head toward Adam and Ellie with a questioning look. I could feel my blood start to boil.

"This next song is dedicated to my son Hunter."

Tim and Jess glared at Razor and everyone in the VIP area turned to me in a mixture of shock and disgust.

I jumped from my seat ready to storm the stage and kick Razor’s ass as he started playing a song I had written for that band right after finding out my grandfather had passed away. It was about the tremendous guilt I felt because I wasn't with him at the end.

Adam grabbed me in a tight embrace. In voice that did little to hide his fury he told me. "Not here, not now honey. Wait til he comes off the stage and I'll help you beat his ass."

"Me too." Ellie added.

"And us." Liz and Gracie joined in.

"Us too." a lot of the guys at the nearby tables spoke up.

Zack stormed over. "Count me in. I've wanted a piece of him for years."

Jill started to join us but I stopped her explaining, that for her own good, I didn't want her to witness anything that might happen. Jane rushed to our side and I asked her to keep an eye on Jill for me and to make sure anything she wanted was on me.

As Jane led Jill to the bar, Adam escorted the rest of us to a room right off the stage and instructed us to wait. He promised to bring Razor in as soon as he left the stage.

After the song ended I heard Razor whisper loud enough so everyone could hear. "I love you and will always miss you son."

I was beyond livid at that point. I had reached a level of fury that scared everyone in the room. I violently shrugged off any attempt to calm me.

Within minutes of the band saying goodnight to the crowd the door opened and Adam dragged Razor in by the back of his shirt with Tim and Jesse following. Aaron tried to come in the room but the guys pushed him back. Jesse punched Aaron while cursing him about having a big mouth and locked him out. The look on the faces of Tim and Jess showed they were almost as mad as I was.

Almost.

"Dude, what the fuck" Razor yelled at Adam.

I stomped over and slapped Razor with all the ferocity I was feeling. "Who in the fuck do you think you are?"

"What the hell is your problem bitch?" Razor yelled at me while grasping his cheek.

I shoved my finger in his face. "How dare you go on stage and talk about MY son you sorry son of a bitch!" My finger moved to his flabby chest and I started poking him. "You NEVER claimed him, you NEVER gave a shit about him, you NEVER helped him out in any way. Hell Razor, you beat the shit out of me and left me for dead just for becoming pregnant with him." I clinched my fist and punched him in the face. Blood began to pour from his nose.

"He was my son too You fucking cunt." He reached up and slapped me before Adam intervened and clamped down on Razor’s arm, twisting it behind his back.

I was so mad that I didn't even feel it before I slapped him again. "No he wasn’t your son you good for nothing piece of shit. He was MY son. You were just a sperm donor! I raised him on MY own with NO help from YOU. You never even attempted to see him and you have the balls to act like you give a shit! If his name EVER crosses your lips again I WILL kill you."

I kicked him between the legs before a few people attempted to pull me away. With all the adrenaline coursing through me, I tossed them all off me as if they weighed nothing. I stepped back to Razor punching him in the gut a few times releasing thirteen years of anger in my punches.

Jesse jumped in at this point, he pushed me away and got in Razor’s face.

"You had no right doing that to Belle. She was the best thing to ever happen to you and you know it. Having the perfect girl who adored you wasn’t enough was it? You always had to hurt her to build yourself up. We would've been nothing had it not been for her! You're so stupid. What a fucking waste. Think about it dumbass, you weren't shit before you met her and you weren't shit after she left. Even now you're surviving on what she helped create."

Jess then looked at Adam. "Dude let him go. I want his hands free for this!"

As soon as Adam released Razor from his grasp Jesse released a flurry of punches to his body as well as his face. His last punch ended up knocking Razor to the floor.

Tim pulled Jesse off then looked at Razor with contempt. "Jesse's right, we owe everything to her. You're a sorry excuse for human being. I'd hoped you changed but you'll never change. You were a selfish bastard then and you're a fat selfish bastard now."

Tim then turned to me. "Belle, I'm so sorry for everything that happened, not only tonight but all the stuff back then. Can you forgive me?"

I nodded at Tim before he turned his attention back to Razor kicking him in the ribs. "That’s for Belle and in case you haven’t figured it out yet, the band is DONE. There's no amount of money worth being around your ungrateful, no talent ass."

Razor retrieved something from his boot as he tried to get to his feet. He was laughing as he spit out some blood and started to speak.

"Well hell Bumpkin, looks like you succeeded again in breaking up my band. I guess since you could not convince me to let you have your old life back you had to make sure mine was hell. You know what, maybe my next tribute on stage will be…" He lunged in my direction with whatever he grabbed from his boot, "to you. You Fucking Bitch!"

I felt some stinging in my stomach as I fell into the wall behind me and watched as Adam pulled Razor backward and crashed his fist into the side of Razor’s face with everything he had.

I noticed everyone screaming while Adam kicked a knife from Razor’s hand. Razor appeared to be unconscious and Jesse screamed out the door for security and for someone to call an ambulance.

I placed both hands on my stomach to try to sooth the stinging and was shocked when they became wet. I looked down as the bottom of my new dress was turning red and my hands were covered in blood. The seriousness of the event didn't sink in as I spit at Razor. "You Son of a Bitch this dress cost seven hundred and fifty dollars!"

Everyone rushed to me and I heard Ellie scream, "Oh my God Libs, are you OK?"

I nodded but suddenly became too fixated on the blood on my hands to look at her.

Soon security entered and Adam instructed them to hold Razor somewhere else til the police arrived. He removed his shirt and rushed to take me in his arms. "Sara, talk to me Baby, are you ok? An ambulance is on the way. Just sit here with me. Talk to me Baby, are you ok?"

Jane burst through the door and I knew in one look I was in trouble because she started screaming at the top of her lungs. Adam instructed some of the guys to get her out of the room.

Adam made most of the people leave the room and started talking to me in a soothing voice as he held his shirt against my stomach and we slumped to the floor with me in his lap.

All I could do was nod when he asked me if I was ok. I couldn’t seem to form any words. I was too focused on my blood-soaked dress and the metallic taste forming in my mouth.

I heard Ellie telling someone to take off my shoes and give them to her.

I laughed and coughed up some blood when I heard her say, "She'll kill us all if anything happens to them."

Everything started to spin and I looked up at Adam, who still had me in his arms and placed my bloody hand on the side of his gorgeous face.

"I love you Baby!" is all I managed to say before darkness surrounded me.

I could feel I was moving and as my eyes focused, it appeared as if I was in an ambulance. I looked around and saw a man on one side of me and a woman on the other. I tried to sit up but couldn’t move. I noticed an IV in my arm.

The man looked at me with worry etched on his face. "Sara, are you awake?"

I nodded and attempted to sit up again. "Where's Adam? Why can’t I move?"

The woman leaned over to me. "Sara, you have a severe abdominal laceration. We strapped you down to make sure you don’t move and do more damage."

I tried to look around. "Where's Adam? Are we going to the hospital?"

The male voice answered me. "Yes, we're headed to the hospital. I’m not sure I know who Adam is Sara."

I wanted to look at him but he was just out of my line of sight. "Tall guy, long hair, tattoos, probably covered in my blood. Last I remember I was in his lap. You couldn’t have missed him."

He moved into my field of view and smiled. "Oh yes, I know who he is, don't worry. He's right behind us."

I felt very tired and wanted to go to sleep. "Can you wake me when we get there?"

The woman shook me slightly. "Stay with us Sara, you have to stay awake. You've lost a lot of blood."

Next I heard the man’s panicked voice. "Shit we're losing her!"

The woman gently shook me again. "Sara, stay with us. You want to be awake so you can see Adam don’t you?" the woman’s voice sounded soothing even if it was laced with panic.

I did want to see Adam, and I wanted to see Ellie and Dad and Jane and all my friends.

I didn’t reply when she spoke again. "Sara, we're almost there. Just stay with a us a few minutes longer."

The next sight I saw made me smile.

In front of me was the only person I wanted to see more than anyone.

"There’s my boy. I've missed you so much!"

The man screamed to the driver of the ambulance. "Hurry, she’s not going to make it!"

Chapter Twenty-six

My baby boy looked glorious. He was just beautiful as I remembered and basked in the view of him playing guitar with some musical legends in a lush green pasture with a glorious bright light behind him. If possible, Hunter was more magnificent than I remembered. His layered brown hair shined without a strand out of place and his already breathtaking eyes glowed a brighter blue than I had ever seen. The solid white shirt, pants and shoes only added to the awe-inspiring sight.

I was so happy to see him that I ran to his side. "What is that song? It's wonderful."

He was in the zone. Just like his mother, he always got that way when he was writing a new song. He didn't even look up. "Just something I'm working on with my friends Mom. I was inspired after seeing you onstage tonight so we're trying to hammer it out."

Hunter suddenly looked up alarmed as he sat his guitar down. "Mom! What are you doing here?" As soon as his guitar went into the stand both the instrument and his friends disappeared.

"I've come to see you baby." I said as I bent to hug him.

Hunter stepped back and shook his head, "You aren’t supposed to be here."

"Why not? I’m supposed to be with you. I love you." I ran my nails through his hair and scratched the back of his head.

He leaned his head back into my hand and showcased perfect teeth when he smiled as he was enjoying my show of affection. His precious eyes swiftly filled with panic and he jerked away. "I love you too Mom but you aren’t supposed to be here yet. You have to go back. It’s not your time."

I looked down on him with a puzzled look. "What do you mean it’s not my time?"

He hugged my waist tightly. "Mom, you're supposed to live. I’m not supposed to see you here yet. You're not supposed to here for a long long time."

I frowned at him. "Aren’t you happy to see me baby?"

He never let go while staring up with his electric blue pools flooded with tears. "Yes Mama I'm always happy to see you but not like this! I don’t want to see you like this! You have to go. It’s too soon!"

I leaned down so we were face to face and kissed his perfect cheek. "I’m not leaving you. I lost you once and can’t go through that again!"

Hunter stomped his foot. "You have to go Mama, you have too! Tell Granny and Papa and Nonna and Nonno and Aunt Ellie I love them and tell Papa it’s not his fault. I can hear him when he goes to the river where he took me fishing. It makes me sad when Papa cries at our happy place. I enjoy it here, everyone is really nice. A few new friends take care of me. I miss you but I know I'll be with you again someday."

I started crying. "I don’t want to leave baby. It's not fair! I don’t want to lose you again."

Hunter tugged on me til we were face to face. "Mom, you never lost me! I'm always with you. I know you visit my body every day, you don’t have to do that. I’m not there." He placed his hand on my chest. "I'm in your heart."

I smiled at my greatest accomplishment. "You've always been in my heart sweetheart."

He nodded his head and looked at me with so much love he glowed. "I know and I always will be. Please don’t cry for me anymore Mama. It makes me sad when you cry. Promise me you will stop crying for me. Promise me Mom."

I tried to smile and squinched my nose. "Ok baby I won’t cry."

"You're lying. Think of all our good times, we had a lot of those. I want you to smile when you think of me like I smile when I think of you. Promise me you'll do that."

I knew I couldn’t refuse him, I never could. A genuine smile finally crossed my lips. "I promise to do my best sweetheart."

Hunter smiled. "Your best is all I can ask for. One more thing before you have to go. Please tell my sister about me after she's born."

Shocked, I gazed at him. "What do you mean Hunter? I’m not gonna have a baby."

A woman coughing behind us caused both my son and I to jump.

Hunter sighed. "I'm sorry."

A woman I initially thought to be Polina dressed in a gorgeous white dress smiled as she walked to our side. "It is okay Hunter, just be careful not to say too much."

Hunter nodded. "I was not planning on it Goddess."

The woman patted my son on his perfectly coifed head. "We never plan to make mistakes they just happen from time to time. I am not upset child but can you give your mother and I a moment alone?"

He nodded again. "Yes ma'am."

As my son walked out of earshot the woman turned to me. "Hello Sara my name is Zaria, I believe you know my daughter Polina and have met my other daughter Danica."

"That is correct." I replied, not really knowing how to act around the majestic woman.

She led me to a small bench. "First I need to apologize to you for what my daughter did to you. She was playing with gifts she did not have permission to use. I was not made aware of the situation until recently and by then it was too late to right her wrongs. To do so would have removed your wonderful child from existence and I do not believe anyone would want that."

I glanced at the woman. "Then why did you take him from me?"

She frowned. "That was not my doing. Fate answers to no one and works from an agenda that even I do not understand."

"Fate is a bastard." I muttered angrily.

Zaria chuckled as she nodded. "That he is. However I was able to step in after the fact to ensure that your child will forever be happy. Hunter wants for nothing here in the Elysian Fields, his every desire is met and every curiosity is indulged, which leads me to the reason I wished to speak to you."

She turned slightly and took my hands in hers. "Your time on earth is not done. Your premature passing is a direct result of my daughter's actions and as such you must return. As a mother myself, I understand your desire to stay with your child but that is not an option."

"Your home in this place has been reserved but you may not check in for a great many years. You have one of two options. I can return you to the life Polina took from you but please understand that nothing is guaranteed, nothing would be familiar to you because your life would have been dramatically different had you not received any gifts and remained male."

She was offering me the very thing I had often prayed for but now that it was within my grasp, the idea of losing my friends did not hold the slightest hint of appeal. I knew I could not lose Adam, I loved him too much. If given the choice between him and my son I would choose Hunter but since that opportunity was off the table, nothing could keep me from Adam.

I raised my hand to stop her from explaining further. "I want my life back just as it is now. It might not be what I wanted initially but now I would not trade it for anything."

Zaria smiled as she waved my son back to our side. "Very well. I will allow you a few more moments with your child before you must return. Your recovery will not be easy but rest assured, you are surrounded by many who love you. Do not be too proud to ask for assistance."

She started to walk away before she paused to look at me again. "Please deliver a message for me. Tell Adam he can no longer delay what needs to be done if he wishes to move forward. Wealth can easily be rebuilt, trust cannot."

I nodded. "I will. Thank you."

Zaria paused again. "I know you harbor ill will toward Polina but please know she fully understands the depth of her actions as someone has since forced her into a situation beyond her control. She would love nothing more than to apologize to you but feels that your seeing her again would be too painful for you."

I nodded again. "She would be correct. While I am glad she feels remorse and sad she had to endure someone forcing her into something she did not want, I have no desire to see her again."

The statuesque goddess stepped into a rapidly forming bright light and disappeared.

Hunter launched himself into my arms as Zaria took her leave.

"So are you really happy here?" I asked as I held him.

He nodded his head with a wide grin that warmed my heart. "Yes, it is great Mom. Everyone takes great care of me."

He paused momentarily before he said. "You seem much happier these days. I wish Adam had been my Daddy, I like him, he’s nice to you. He's better than that man who hurt you. I just wish you had met him before I had to leave, it would have been cool to tell my friends that my mom was dating Zeus.""

Hunter looked over his shoulder as if he heard something. "They say I have to go Mom. Don’t forget to tell everyone I said hi and tell Papa I am happy and it wasn’t his fault. I love you Mom."

I pulled him tightly to my chest not wanting to ever let go. "I love you too Baby. I love you so very much!"

Hunter pulled away from me and walked toward a light but stopped and turned his head toward me. "Oh Mom, I almost forgot, Sarah asked me to tell you to tell Jane she loves her and to tell her she's happy too. She said to tell Jane a sister's love is now even stronger than..." He looked over his shoulder at something I couldn't see. "What was that?"

He listened before he turned to me again. "Tell Jane Sarah said a sister's love is stronger than the hope tomorrow brings and it's not her fault."

I looked at Hunter confused. "I don’t understand baby."

"It'll make sense later. Do you promise you'll tell her?" Hunter asked as he walked back toward me.

I rushed to him and embraced my treasured boy one more time as I smiled, "I promise I will. I love you baby."

His embrace became tighter. "I know you do, I'm one of the lucky ones because I always knew. You have to go now. I love you!"

I ran my fingers through his hair again. "Will you come sing your song to me in my dream sometime?"

Hunter gave me a kiss. "You will be the first to hear it. Maybe you could record it for me. I love you."

He started to walk away again before he looked over his shoulder. "Can you do me another favor Mom?"

"Anything baby, you know that."

His smile was so glorious it almost hurt to witness it. "Promise me you'll start singing again. Music means as much to you as it does to me, it hurts to think you gave it up for me."

I reached out to pull him back into my arms and hug him tightly. "Oh Baby, I didn't give it up because of you, never think that. I gave it up because nothing good ever becomes of it."

My son shook his beautiful head. "You're wrong. You inspire and comfort others with your voice as well as the words you write and it's selfish to hide your gifts. My mother is not a selfish person so the next time someone asks you to sing I want you to say yes."

I sighed. "I don't know."

He smiled and hugged me again. "I do. The closest I can get to you anymore is when you play or sing. I am always with you when you sit at the piano, they let me come down so I can learn from the best. They say you have to go so will you at least consider it as a favor to me?"

I smiled. "I'll do anything for you. I will be sure to sing to you everyday just so you know how much I love you." Suddenly it felt as if I was being ripped from my son's arms with such force that I closed my eyes in fear.

---

I opened my eyes to a bright light.

"Welcome back Sara" I heard a voice say.

"Where am I?" I asked in total confusion.

"You're in a hospital, we thought we'd lost you. Actually we did lose you a couple of times. You have a major laceration in you abdominal area. You were in surgery for seven hours. We've stitched you back together and now that you're awake and stable we are going to take you to your room where a lot of anxious people are waiting to see you."

The waiting area was packed as I was pushed to my room. I saw everyone, all my friends, both old and new huddled around nervously. I asked the orderlies to stop.

Adam sprinted to me first. "Oh Baby, I thought I'd lost you. I'm so sorry I didn’t see the knife sooner. I love you so much."

I brushed his hair back "Shh, I’m ok sweetheart. I love you too."

Ellie ran to my side crying. "Oh my God girl. I've never been so scared. Are you gonna to be ok?"

I nodded, "I think sit ups will be out of the question for awhile." I tried to laugh but it hurt too much.

Jane almost shoved Ellie out of the way to get to me. "Are you going to be okay? Please tell me you are going to be okay. I can't lose another sister. I love you."

I placed my hand on the side of her cheek to calm her. "I'm going to be fine sis. I'm not going anywhere."

The nurses started to push me toward my room again but I stopped them when I saw my parents.

"I thought I'd lost you without you knowing how much I love you, and I know I've been...." Mom could not finish what she wanted to say as she burst into tears on my shoulder as she gingerly hugged me.

"I know. I love you too Mom." I replied as tears started to fall. Her words were all I had ever wanted to hear and having her say them to me was overwhelming.

Daddy grabbed my hand. "Honey, losing Hunter almost killed me but just the thought of you being gone is more than my heart can take." It was obvious he'd been crying as well.

Before I could respond, everyone else rushed to me as the nurses stepped in the fray telling them I needed to get to my room. They explained that once I was settled I could have two visitors at a time until I got tired.

As the nurses started to push me down the hall I realized that what Polina had given me truly was a gift. I had many people who cared about me, I had the chance to be the mother of an amazing son who never doubted he was loved. I had an insanely gorgeous boyfriend who, if my son was right, was going to give me a beautiful daughter.

I waited for that tiny voice within me, the one that belonged to Sean, to speak up and tell me life would have been better if I had not changed but to my surprise he was quiet.

Sean was never stupid, he knew as well as I did that I had a fresh chance to live my life without regrets.

I had a life renewed.

Love Renewed coming soon.

Life Renewed II: Love Renewed

Author:

StefB

Audience Rating:

Mature Subjects (pg15)

Publication:

Genre:

Character Age:

Mature / Thirty+

Other Keywords:

StefB's Goddess Realm

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

Life Renewed II: Love Renewed
By StefB

After surviving a life threatening attack by her ex-boyfriend Sara had thought she was on her way to a happy life with Adam, but now his past is threatening their future.
This story takes place immediately following the events of Life Renewed. It is highly recommended you read that story first.

Many thanks to LorasPa6 for everything you do. This story would not be what it is if you were not around to bounce ideas off of.
Also thanks to you Kris. A third set of eyes is greatly appreciated and your input was perfect.

Chapter One

Once I was properly situated in my private room of the hospital, having been stabbed by my ex boyfriend Razor, Mom and Dad were the first to enter.

"Darling, are you ok? I was so afraid we'd lost you too," Mom cried as she ran her hands through my hair.

"I’m sore Mom but I’ll be ok," I responded.

"Liberty, I am so sorry for everything. All that ran through my mind as your father drove here was how you might die without knowing how much I love you, and how you make me proud every single day. I never let you know what a gift you truly are to me."

My emotions went in overload as my mother said the very things I had wanted to hear from her my entire life. "I love you too Mama."

As she leaned over to hug me, I knew I needed to tell them about what happened while I was unconscious. I took a deep breath. "Mom, Daddy, I saw Hunter."

"What?" They shrieked in unison.

"The doctor told me I died on the way here and Hunter was waiting for me. He said it wasn’t my time and that I had to come back."

They both started to cry again.

"Daddy, he said to tell you it’s not your fault. He doesn’t want any of us crying for him anymore, he wants us to smile anytime we think of him."

My father took my hand and I could feel his trembling. "Honey, it was just a dream."

I looked up at him with a fierce determination. I had to make him believe me. "No Daddy, it wasn’t. I know it wasn’t. He is in a better place playing his guitar. He said he hears you when you talk to him down at the river where you took him fishing. He said it was a happy place for you two, and he doesn’t want it ruined with tears."

Daddy's face went blank with astonishment. "Nobody knows I go there to talk to him."

I squeezed his hand. "Daddy, Hunter knows. He says it makes him sad when we cry for him. I can’t make him sad Daddy. My boy wants to be happy, hell he deserves to be happy. We can’t cry for him anymore. He wanted me to tell you and Mom both to stop."

Mom walked around the bed and hugged Daddy as she wiped away his tears. "Rob, when did we ever not give that boy what he wanted?"

Daddy shook his head "Never Carol. You know we'd do anything for that boy."

I looked up at both of them. "Then we need to do this for him. From now on, no more tears when we talk about Hunter. Only smiles. Agreed?"

Mom and Daddy both smiled down at me in my hospital bed. "Agreed."

Mom lovingly moved some loose hair from my face. I could not remember the last time she had acted that way towards me but I liked it. "Honey, there is a room full of people waiting to see you and if that man of yours doesn't get in here soon I'm afraid he'll crack." She bent over to kiss my forehead, "we'll come back later to check on you. Call me if you need anything before I get back. We love you."

"Love you too"

Adam and Ellie came in next with each grabbing a hand.

"I saved your shoes." Ellie said with a big smile.

I tried to giggle but winced at the dulled pain. "Don’t make me laugh please. I remember hearing you. I would've been pissed if they'd been ruined, I knew you were my best friend for a reason."

Ellie laughed before her expression became serious. "You scared me to death. I thought you were going to die." She started crying again.

"The doctor said I did die a couple of times."

Adam gasped and clutched my hand so tight that it probably would have hurt more if I were not pumped up with pain killers.

I solemnly looked up at Ellie and took a deep breath "Hunter said to tell you ‘hi,’ and that he loves you."

Ellie's complexion suddenly became as fair as mine. "What?"

"I swear I saw him. He told me a lot of things. We can’t cry for him anymore. He said it makes him sad when we do. He says he doesn’t want me to visit his gravesite anymore, he says he’s not there."

I turned my head to the man I loved and continued. "Adam, he says he likes you and how you treat me. He said he wished you'd been his Dad."

Both of them had disbelief written on their faces.

"I know you both think I am crazy but I swear I saw him. He told me it wasn’t my time and that I had to come back. He said I had a lot of life yet to live."

Ellie leaned in to hug me. "I believe you girl. I'm glad to hear you have a lot of life left. I’d be lost without you. I love you so much."

I did my best to hug her and still hold onto Adam's hand. "I love you too."

Adam grabbed a chair to sit beside me. He looked terrible, he was wearing a tee shirt from the bar and his face still held my bloody handprint, his hands and pants also still bore evidence of Razor's attempt to take my life.

I gently squeezed his hand. "Hey you."

"Hey you. You scared me." He replied through a heavy breath.

I pulled his hand to my lips and kissed it. "You saved me again."

His gaze turns toward the floor. "I wouldn’t have had to save you if I'd just kept hold of him instead of letting him go like Jesse asked. At least that son of a bitch won’t be singing for awhile since his jaw is wired shut while he sits in a jail cell."

I squeezed his hand tighter, "look at me."

He lifted his weary head until he met my eyes.

"You saved me. I love you for that. I can add that to all the other reasons I love you. What happened was not your fault."

Adam rolled his eyes and I sighed. "Honey, nobody knew he'd do what he did. It was you that saved me."

I kissed his hand again since it was the only part of him I could reach. "You pulled him away so that it wasn’t worse. It was you who covered my wound to slow the bleeding until the ambulance got there. Don’t you dare feel guilty about this!"

Adam started to cry and it broke my heart. "How can I not feel guilty? I was the one who booked that bastard! I was the one who insisted you come to the club! I was the one who brought him in the room! Me! I did all that! It was all my fault."

I cringed at the knowledge that it was not going to be easy to relieve his guilt. "No honey, it wasn’t. You were trying to give me closure and you did. I may be hurting physically but mentally I'm as good as I've ever been and I owe that to you." I stated emphatically.

Adam dropped his head. My tough hero appeared so weak and broken. "I don’t know."

I tried to turn toward him and winced, as any movement my mid-section made was agonizing. Ellie released my hand so I could caress Adam’s cheek. "I do, but if you feel so strongly about this I know how to set you mind at ease. You know the saying about the life you save?"

Adam cautiously looked back up. "Yes?"

I tried to coax him to lean to me. "Well," I kissed his trembling knuckles. "This life you saved just became yours to own so you'll have to take care of it."

Adam adopted the first smile I'd seen cross his face since before Razor made his dedication. "I think I can live with that."

I smiled in return and could feel Ellie’s happiness at witnessing our exchange when she lovingly gripped my shoulder.

Our moment was short-lived however because Gracie stuck her head in and smiled, "Okay you two, I think it’s somebody else’s turn. We have to get on the road soon and have to check on our girl."

Adam tossed his hands up defensively. "Yes Ma’am, we were about to leave."

He leaned in to kiss me. "I'll be right outside if you need me."

I ran my hand through his hair. "I always need you but you need a shower, you look like shit. I think I'm covered here for awhile, go get some rest and I promise to call you when the herd thins out."

Adam smiled and I melted. "You don’t think this is a sexy look?" I rolled my eyes and he smirked. "Call me and I’ll come running. I love you so much."

Ellie leaned in and gave me another hug. "I'll be back after work to check on you. Call me if you need me before then. Love you."

As they left I suddenly remembered the message I was supposed to deliver, and called my love back to my side. "Baby, a lady named Zaria who looked amazingly like Polina and your friend Dani said to tell you that you can no longer delay what needs to be done if you wish to move forward. She said wealth is easily rebuilt but trust is not."

Surprise laced with fear filled Adam's face as he nodded. "I am working on it, I swear to you I am."

Before I had the chance to ask what he meant he kissed me again and rushed from the room while also reaching for his phone.

Gracie and Liz followed and they were beside themselves with worry as I tried to encourage them that I was going to be fine. We agreed for them to visit after their tour ended.

Tim and Jesse were next and they were wracked with almost as much guilt as Adam. I finally convinced them I would be okay, and we promised to stay in touch after they went home. Their anger was so intense I knew Razor would do well to never run into either of those two again.

The last duo the nurses allowed to visit was Jill and Jane. They were understandably upset and both looked terrible, but Jane was by far the worst. She was nearly hysterical when she rushed to my side to grab my hand and bury her head in my shoulder as she wept.

"I thought we lost you," she sobbed.

I tried to soothe her. "You didn’t though. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere."

Jane continued to sob, "I couldn’t bear the thought of losing another sister."

I remembered what Hunter had told me. He must have been talking about Jane and Adam’s sister. "Jane, Sarah said to tell you she loves you, she’s happy, and it wasn't your fault."

All color drained from Jane's face and she became unsteady. I motioned for Jill to move a chair so Jane could sit.

"How, how, how can you, you possibly…."

I became worried when she appeared to be in shock. "Are you going to be ok?"

With bewildered eyes Jane stared at me. "Nobody knows. We don’t talk about her, how'd you know about Sarah?"

"They said I died. I saw my son. I saw Hunter and he told me lots of things but he said to tell you it's not your fault. Jane, who is Sarah?"

Jane wept as she whispered, "She's our older sister. She died in the car wreck on the way home from that concert we saw you at. We were fighting about my attitude that night and she wasn't paying attention to the road. It's all my fault, if I hadn't been arguing with her she'd have seen the deer jump in the road."

I gasped. Neither Jane nor Adam had mentioned an older sister.

I remembered one other thing Hunter told me "She also said to tell you a sister's love is stronger than the hope tomorrow brings."

Jane collapsed in her chair as her eyes flickered with thought. "How'd you know about that?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I'm relaying a message my boy made me promise to deliver. Do you know what it means?"

Jane nodded her head. "Yeah, we always said no matter how bad things seemed there was the hope of a better day tomorrow. She always said her love was stronger than that."

I gripped her hand. "She said you can't blame yourself and I think it must have been pretty important if she went through the trouble of having me deliver the message."

She jumped up and grabbed her phone from her purse punching a number before placing it to her ear.

"Will you excuse me Sara?" Jane said absent-mindedly and without saying goodbye she headed for the door.

I heard her talking into her phone before she walked out. "Adam? You're not going to believe this."

I turned my attention to Jill who seemed to have been rattled by everything.

"Are you ok Jill?"

Jill attempted to smile but the result was weak at best. "Yes I’m fine. Are you ok? I was so frightened when I saw you being wheeled out on that gurney."

"I hurt, but the doctors say I'll only have a small scar by the time I heal. I guess I'll probably end up with a new tattoo to hide it."

Jill released a long breath I never realized she was holding then smiled her cheerful smile. "That’s great news. I’d hate to lose the coolest boss ever. Everyone at the office sends their best and said to make sure you know that they have everything under control until you get back."

"What do you mean? How do they know already?" I asked. I found it hard to believe the people who worked for me would still be up at this hour.

Jill looked at me puzzled "You don't know? It's been almost eighteen hours and you've been all over the news. Not just local news either, you're worldwide."

I’m sure my confusion showed. "Why would I be worldwide?"

Jill chuckled. "It’s kind of big news when the lead singer of one of the largest bands of the nineties stabs one of the biggest female singers from the same era. You were famous, like one name famous. You walked away at the height of your fame and was never heard from again until last night and that asshole that stabbed you was famous and your boyfriend is famous. Your secret is out. Everyone knows you're Belle."

I rubbed my temples trying to purge the thought of my normality disappearing.

"How's the office gossip?"

"You mean after the shock wore off?"

I laughed lightly and nodded my head.

"Everyone's fine, great even. Mr. Moretti called, he wants you to call him as soon as you feel up to it."

I caught Jill's expression and noticed there was something else she wanted to say but was possibly afraid.

"What's that look for Jill?"

Jill appeared confused. "Mr. Moretti is um, unusual isn't he?"

I laughed so much it hurt thinking about my kind, eccentric boss. "Yeah Jill, you could say that but he's a really good man. What did he do to make you ask?"

Jill's face was beginning to turn a nice shade of pink. "Nothing really, he was just really frantic when he called to check on you. He made me camp out in the waiting room and has called every fifteen minutes for updates. He said the hospital wouldn't tell him anything and he couldn't reach your parents. Then he said he was glad you're finally out about your past but it made him sick that he couldn't protect you. He also said sending you home was a bad idea. That's not something you expect to hear from the owner of the company. I'm not sure how to say this but he told me to tell you he loved you."

I smiled fondly while thinking of the man who had become like a second father. "Like I said, he's a really good man. He and his wife have always looked out for me. What did the people at the office say?"

Jill smirked. "The guys all say they remember you and everyone agrees with my coolest boss ever statement. Especially the women after they found out you and Zeus are dating. Margaret almost passed out when I told her."

Jill giggled before continuing, "I think there must be a lot of your fans out there that need our services since our phones went crazy today with potential clients wanting to set up meetings with you after you get back. I am going to make sure the people are legitimate and not a crazed fan or a sleazy reporter before I call them back. I'll set up the appointments after we know when you are returning to work."

A yawn escaped before I could contain it and Jill noticed. "I need to go, I can see how tired you are. I'll call or come by tomorrow if that's ok."

"I'm sorry about that. Thanks for everything you do for me." I replied. "Before you go I wanted to ask you about what was bothering you last night. You want to talk about it?"

Pain flashed in Jill's eyes briefly before she smiled graciously. "That's sweet of you but I'm good. You need to get some rest. I'll see you tomorrow."

I knew it would take more effort than I had available to get Jill to talk. "I guess it’s been a long day. Yes please, I'd like you to come by. We can talk about it then."

Jill started toward the door but stopped suddenly and handed me her iPhone. "Oh, before I forget. You're on TMZ in their ‘Who’d you rather’ section. It’s really a great picture of you with Liz and Gracie taken at the club. Right now you're winning with 60 percent of the vote."

I glanced at the screen. "Oh great," I said sarcastically as I handed her phone back. "At least it’s a good picture."

"It really is. Take care Sara, I’m glad to see you're doing so well."

"Thanks Jill. See you tomorrow."

With my room finally empty I needed to call my frantic friend.

"Are you okay? You scared ten years off this old man's life." Gabriel said as soon as he answered.

"Yes Gabe, I'm fine. Actually I'm better than I've been in ages."

He sounded relieved, "You sound good. Anna and I have been worried to death about you. You need to come back home so I can keep a proper eye on you. You've non aveva niente ma il dolore since I sent you there."

"No Gabe, I am home. This is where I need to be. Who's to say that I wouldn't have had sorrow in New York? None of this is your fault. Everything happens for a reason."

Gabriel sighed. "I'm not so sure."

"Mi creda per favore. I'm in a good place. I'm fine. I promise you."

With a hint of disappointment in his voice Gabriel replied. "I don't believe you. You told me you were fine before but your parents told me otherwise so I know how well you can lie. We are flying down so I can judge for myself."

"You don't have to do that but I'll be happy to see you both. I miss you."

"We miss you too. Anna is making Florentines to bring."

I smiled even though Gabriel couldn't see it. "Yum, I've missed those. What kind?"

A yawn escaped and Gabriel heard it. "I have no idea. I stay out of the kitchen when she's stressed. You must be stancato so I'll let you go. So good to hear your voice and I'll see you soon."

"Yeah, I'm a little tired. Thanks for caring and I'll see you when you get here."

Gabriel paused. " Ti voglio bene."

"I love you too Gabe. Send Anna my love."

As soon as he hung up I called Jill so she could tell everyone to be aware that Gabriel might make a surprise visit to the office.

After talking to Jill I was about to get some much-needed sleep until Adam's friends Cali and Dani walked in the room.

I no longer felt the anger I once felt at seeing the tall brunette but her presence still made me nervous.

"How are you feeling?" The petite red head with spectacular prism colored eyes said as she walked up and took my hand in hers.

"As well as can be expected I guess. Luckily the hospital has provided something for the pain." I replied.

Cali smiled warmly. "Adam called us and told us what happened, we wanted to come by and see if we could help."

I started to feel a tingling sensation throughout my body and quickly jerked my hand away. "Stop whatever it is you are doing."

Dani stepped forward and as I really looked at her I realized she wasn't as identical to her sister as I initially believed.

The tall brunette's eyes were much kinder and a lighter shade of purple. "We only want to help you. Cali can heal your wounds. It is one of her many gifts."

I shook my head. "Let me start off by apologizing to both of you for all my previous actions but I need to heal naturally."

I lifted the hospital gown to show my taped wound. "I was given a choice before I came back and I chose to return to this life just as it is. I knew there would be pain when I made the decision. This will be a reminder of my choice and everything I wanted to live for. I have finally realized that it's not what you go through, it's how you choose to get through it that defines you."

Cali smiled again. "I can definitely respect that. No wonder Adam loves you so much. I think you are the only person who can hold her own with him. He has always had an ego but it really became prominent after he adjusted to his new life."

I laughed as I glanced at Dani before looking at Cali again. "Maybe I can have the same effect on him that your wife had on you. I bet Zack still has a scar from what you did to him."

Cali laughed. "Well, he shouldn't have grabbed my ass like that."

Dani's jealousy showed as her posture straightened. "Who grabbed your ass? When? Tell me who this person is!"

I pulled my pillow down over my injured area hoping the pressure would quell the pain of laughing so hard.

I spoke up to remind Cali that was not what set her off. "It wasn't his grabbing you that caused it. I distinctly remember it was a few minutes later, when he said it was a waste to put such hotness in scrawny male body."

Cali's face turned about three shades redder as she nodded. "I was trying to block that part out."

Dani's brows furrowed as she looked back and forth between us. "How can she remember Ty?"

Cali smiled. "I let her. Since we share a common bond of forced sisterhood and we had met before, I wanted her to remember who I once was. It would be nice to have someone to talk to about it."

Dani's pulled her wife into her arms and her voice was not much more than a whisper. "Am I taking you for granted again? I thought you were happy with how everything turned out. If I had known you still had issues I would have been happy to talk to you about everything."

Any apprehension I had concerning Dani evaporated as I saw her genuine concern and love for her wife.

Cali leaned on her toes to kiss Dani. "No honey, you let me know all the time how much you love me, and I am very happy, but it is still nice to talk to someone who has been through it."

They ended up staying another hour and we discussed everything from the differences in Adam's personality compared to Ryan's, to how Cali's sister-in-law Renee was doing. I was glad to hear Renee seemed to be very happy.

I smiled genuinely when Cali showed me the latest pictures of her and Dani with Cali's daughter/niece Kaley. The beautiful girl was the spitting image of her father/aunt. I thought of my Hunter and was thankful he always knew who I was in his life.

By the time I closed my eyes after they left, I knew I had two new close friends.

Chapter Two

My eyes opened to a room full of flowers. There were so many of them! Some were over the top tacky while others happened to be rather beautiful. What stood out was how many of the arrangements were shaped like a bell or had tiny bells attached to the ribbons.

I was so busy looking at all the flowers I failed to notice the doctor standing at my side. "Hi Sara, how are you feeling?"

I jumped slightly, "I feel stoned actually but I’m ok I guess under the circumstances."

He smiled at me. "That would be your pain medication. You appear to be progressing rather well. At this rate you can go home in a few days; with certain provisions of course."

I nodded, "I understand. I'll do whatever it takes, I just want to sleep in my own bed."

He gently patted my arm, "just hang in there and you'll be able to."

The doctor was leaving as Adam and Jane returned. They looked like hell.

"Are you guys ok? You look terrible."

Adam sighed. "It’s been kind of a terrible day."

Jane nodded in agreement.

"Why are you still terrible? I’m ok, I told you not to worry about me."

They both tried to adopt a smile but it was obvious they were faking it.

I frowned. "Is this about your sister?"

Jane became slightly emotional as Adam nodded sadly.

"Jane you can't cry for her anymore. Hunter told me something and I think Sarah would probably feel the same way if she's anything like you."

She looked up. "What's that?"

"He said that anytime I think of him he wants me to smile because he smiles when he thinks of me. It hurts him to think of me being in pain at the mere thought of him. Do you think your sister feels any different?"

Adam shook his head and pulled Jane into a hug. "The Sarah I remember was always laughing and putting everyone at ease."

Jane started sobbing into his shoulder. "I've been a terrible sister. I don't talk about her and have never been to her gravesite since she was buried."

I shook my head vigorously. "Jane, where you bury her is just a place. She's not there anyway. Those we love always stay in our heart. They know we love them. They carry that with them. We don’t have to go to a special place just to prove we love them, Hunter told me that himself."

Jane smiled in understanding and leaned over to hug me. "You're a lot like her you know. She always knew what to say to make me feel better too."

I kissed her cheek. "You'll have to tell me about her one day."

Jane nodded her head. "I’d love to tell you all about her."

I turned my attention back to Adam. "How's my sexy man holding up?"

Adam was lost in thought before he focused his attention upon me and gave a real smile. "I'm good, better now that I'm here with you. What'd the doctor say?"

"He said I should be able to go home in a few days."

"Great. Jane and I were talking. We think you should stay with me while you recover. That way when we're at the club my staff can take care of you."

I grimaced. Adam’s penthouse was big and cold in an impersonal way. His place was identical to mine in layout but my place was home. Where he lived was beautiful but it felt more like a showcase, which was why we always spent the majority of our time together one floor below.

"Honey, I appreciate the offer but I just want to go home. To my own bed, to where I'm comfortable."

Jane nudged her brother. "Told ya so."

Adam frowned. "I just want to make sure you're taken care of. You know I feel responsible."

My brow furrowed. "I wish you'd stop feeling like that. We discussed it earlier. None of this was your fault. I want to go home. I want to sleep in my own bed. I want to lounge on my own couch where I'm comfortable. No offense, your place is lovely to look at but isn't very homey. I'm almost afraid I will break something in there."

"I already told ya, you ain't gonna win this one baby bro," Jane said to Adam.

Adam sighed in defeat rather easily, I think Jane had prepared him to lose this fight. "Fine but I'm staying with you and I'll have my people checking on you when we aren’t there."

Jane joined in. "I'm staying too, I can sleep on your couch. Just so you know, I'm as stubborn as a pissed off mule and I’m not taking no for an answer."

I snickered because I knew she spoke the truth. "No need for the couch, sis. I have a spare bedroom."

---

Mom wasn't happy when I told her I was going to my home instead of hers. I tried explaining that I didn’t sleep well at her house because it was just too quiet. She finally relented when it was explained that Jane was staying with me and her look was comical when I let it slip Adam would be staying with me as well. I don't know why, but at thirty-seven years old and twenty-one years removed from living under the same roof, I was still afraid to let my mom know a man was sleeping over.

Mom couldn’t resist the temptation to tease me. "If I had him waiting I'd want to go home too."

After receiving the doctor’s instructions on proper wound care and dietary restrictions he dropped the bombshell of no sex or alcohol for at least six weeks.

Jane laughed as both Adam and I looked at him incredulously when he mentioned no sex. I inquired when I could return to work and after I told him what I did for a living he said I could return in two weeks provided I did no lifting and went home if I started to feel drained.

The trip from the hospital to home was eventful as we actually had paparazzi waiting for us as I exited the hospital. More paparazzi were waiting as we entered the parking garage. Thankfully Jane and Ellie ensured my hair and makeup were perfect before we left the hospital.

---

I settled in on the couch as everyone fussed over me. It was starting to get frustrating; all I wanted to do was cuddle with the man I loved.

Adam tried to put up a fuss at first when I asked him to sit down but relented when I told him I would rest better if my head was lying in his lap.

Adam’s fingers strummed through my hair as he looked down at me. "How are you holding up baby?"

I looked up at my strong man lovingly, "I'm good… better now that I'm home and with you."

I strained to tilt my head up and he met me halfway as we kissed.

Adam’s expression turned serious again. "I thought I lost you and it scared me. It’s the most terrified I've been in my adult life."

Pain be damned, I sat up and hugged him tightly allowing him to bury his head in my chest. "Baby, I’m ok and I'm here. I'm here with you and I'm not going anywhere."

Adam looked up at me and I noticed tears starting to form. I placed my hand over his heart. "I give you my word. I have it on good authority that I have a long life ahead of me and I plan to spend it with you." I pulled him up and kissed his luscious lips.

Adam pulled away and stood to fish a box from his pocket. Once he had the box firmly in his grasp he dropped down on one knee.

I started to shake and felt a tear of joy trickle down my cheek.

"Sara Liberty Collins, if you plan to spend the rest of your life with me, I would be honored if you'd do so as my wife."

I smiled wildly at my gorgeous, muscled, tattooed hero as he opened a Cartier box to reveal an exquisite platinum ring adorned with 3 brilliant-cut diamonds.

"Sara will you marry me?"

I nodded vigorously as tears of pure bliss flowed freely down my face.

Adam smiled. "Say it. I have to hear it cross your perfect lips."

I lunged toward the man who had found me in pieces and through his love made me whole again. "Yes, Adam Shane Carson, I will marry you."

I embraced the man I loved more than anything I had left on this earth with everything I had and we heard clapping around us.

I was so lost in the moment that I had somehow forgotten that we had an apartment full of people to witness our joyous occasion. Everyone took turns walking up to congratulate us.

Gabriel and Anna arrived shortly after Adam's proposal. They were slightly cold and distant toward him. So much so that Adam left with the excuse of needing to take care of some business and would return soon. I tried to talk him into staying but he was obviously uncomfortable.

Even from a glance Gabriel was a very striking man, standing six foot two with a fit physique and head full of snow white hair that contrasted perfectly with his tan complexion. He carried an air of aloofness but his appearance in no way matched the personality I knew. His rivals often said he was a cold and vicious man who took no prisoners. To me he was a boisterous, honest, funny, caring friend and shrewd businessman.

His wife Anna on the other hand appeared to outsiders as his trophy but I knew better. She was five foot three and so beautiful. She always dressed in the finest fashions; her lily white hair never had a strand out of place and her makeup was always impeccable. She was an excellent cook and the living definition of perfection. She carried herself with a quiet dignity that was hard to ignore but was always quick to let her husband know if he stepped out of line. Their marriage was an equal partnership, one I could only hope for Adam and I to achieve.

The couple that made my son and I their family rushed to my side. Anna handed me one of her delicious Florentine cookies. "Santo cielo!! It's so good to see you sweet one. I was worried about you."

I smiled as I embraced my dear friend. "Good to see you too caro amico."

Anna looked concerned. "Did I hear correctly, stai impegnati?"

I glowed as I responded. "Yes, Adam asked me to marry him."

Gabe spoke up. "Are you sure about this? He looks like a vagabondo."

I laughed lovingly at these wondrous people who would never consider anyone good enough for me. "He's not a bum at all. He's very successful. He used to be a musician like I was. He and his sister own one of the hottest bars in town. Lui á¨ l'amore di vita mia. He understands what I've been through better than any man could."

It was obvious my words did little to belay Anna's concerns. "I don't know. You say he is the love of your life but he's non guardi il Suo tipo."

I laughed again. "Oh caro amico, you're the only person to say that. Everyone else tells me he's exactly my type. You've never seen me with a boyfriend before but I promise you he's everything I could ask for in a man. If you don't believe me ask Mom and Dad."

Gabe smiled. "If you love him and he loves you and treats you with the respect you deserve then that's all we could wish for."

I sat up and opened my arms for him to hug me. "Thank you Gabe. I have never had a man, other than you, treat me better. I love him with all my heart."

Anna smiled, "If you are happy bella mia then I am too. I only want what's best for you."

After we talked, the couple who had taken my son and I into their heart warmed up to Adam and once they got to know him ended up really liking him.

I had no idea til it happened, how much their approval meant to me.

Chapter Three

Even though my friends and family smothered me with attention I hated being stuck at home for two weeks. I was tempted to call Cali and accept her offer to heal me but resisted since my reasons had not changed since I rebuffed her.

I used the time and Adam's undivided attention to find out more about his past.

"Hey baby, why did Jane say I'd understand you better than anyone?" I asked one day when we were alone since Jane was out grocery shopping.

Adam shrugged, "Because you understand the road and the temptations it provides plus the toll it takes on you. You also understand dealing with unjust jealousy."

I frowned. "Yeah, those things I do know. Sadly I know them too well."

Adam sat down beside me and I rose slightly so I could rest my head into his lap as he continued to talk. "Nikki, my ex, provided backup vocals on a few of our tracks. That's how I met her. It was like she was made for me. She was a tall blonde bombshell with crystal clear blue eyes and the voice of an angel."

I smiled, "you found your Belle?"

Adam nodded his head as he ran his fingers through my hair. "I fell hard and fast. I adored her. I thought she was the love of my life. In my mind no other woman compared to her but nothing I did was good enough. She was so jealous and always thought I was cheating on her. If a female fan came up to me and asked for a hug or just an autograph she'd accuse me of wanting to sleep with them."

I nodded, "I've been there."

Adam smiled, "I know you have baby. It was making my life miserable. I started ignoring our female fans but she'd flirt with the guys in the band and with the crew and I wasn't allowed to say anything. I'm not sure I would have said anything anyways because I trusted her completely."

I looked up at him. "So you weren't always the jealous type?"

Adam started to frown as his body tensed up. "No, not always. She made me that way and the way she got jealous took the fun out of performing. I was miserable and just wanted to go home to try and salvage what we had but she'd have none of it. She insisted we go on with the tour even if my heart wasn't in it. I don't think my friends were as loyal as yours because they convinced me it was the best for my marriage to stay on the road."

I reached up and caressed his cheek. "I'm sorry."

Adam sighed and slumped his shoulders. "Then one day the band was supposed to be at a studio recording shout outs to local radio stations and had a technical problem of some sort so it had to be rescheduled. I was walking back to the bus when I heard Nikki giggling."

I could tell from the look on his face that this was a painful memory so I moved his large hand into both of mine as a small show of support.

A tear formed in the corner of his eye. "I walked around a bus and found her and one of the sound guys in an embrace. I lost it and beat the guy within an inch of his life. I stormed back to the bus with Nikki chasing me telling me how sorry she was and how it was my fault because I didn't pay her enough attention."

Adam removed his hand from mine and slammed his fist on my glass coffee table causing it to crack. "My life revolved around her! I was with her every chance I had and she wanted to blame me. I told her I was done with the road and the band and if she wanted to make it work between us then we needed to get away from it all."

I noticed Adam's hand was bleeding but didn't want him to stop talking. I knew he needed to get it out of his system but I also knew that if I got up he'd quit talking and Lord knows when I'd be able to get him to open up like this again. I grabbed the tail of the oversized tee shirt I was wearing and wrapped it around his injury as I encouraged him to continue.

Adam left his hand in mine. "She told me she'd do anything I wanted so long as I would forgive her so that night I informed the band I was leaving and the next day we were on a plane back here. The first month or so was wonderful and I honestly thought we'd gotten past it but then she started mentioning going back on the road. I told her I wasn't ready yet so she let it drop."

"Then probably four months or so after I left the tour the guys came to town on a break to work in the studio on the To the Sixth Degree and wanted me to play on it. Of course I agreed but after we finished and they got ready to go back out on the road, Nikki told me she was going with them because she missed the excitement. I asked her how she was going without me and that's when I found out she had started seeing Ben, our lead singer, when the band got into town. I found out later she'd slept with almost any man willing while we were on tour. It devastated me to think that the woman I loved could do me that way."

I sat up and hugged him as hard as I could. "I'm so sorry baby but you know I'd never be that way."

Adam returned my embrace. "I know you wouldn't. You're not wired that way."

He made me lie back down in his lap before he continued. "After she left I was in a daze. I drank all the time. I had no focus or drive til Jane slapped some sense into me and we started the club. I decided right then that I'd never let a woman get my heart again. I became cold and distant until one night when a certain someone knocked me for a loop."

I smiled shyly. "I wonder who that could have been?"

Adam laughed. "I think you know. It's so weird because these memories are mine but they aren't. I have yet to see Nikki with these eyes but the pain of what she did is so real. Thankfully meeting you has eased the pain to almost nothing." He lifted me up and kissed my forehead. "I'm going to go wash my hand. I'll be right back."

While Adam was in the bathroom I tried to process everything he'd told me but the timelines weren't adding up. To The Sixth Degree was only released four months ago.

"Hey baby?" I called out to him as he walked back into the living room.

"Yes?"

"You told me that night at the restaurant that you'd been divorced a year and half."

Adam's face suddenly went pale. "Yeah, about that. I was trying to get you to go out with me and I knew if I told you I'd only been divorced three months you would have avoided me after you dropped me off."

My look was stern. "Divorced three months or separated three months."

My worst fears were realized when his head dropped. "Separated."

I choked back tears, refusing to break before everything was out in the open. "So, are you still married right now?"

Adam's eyes grew wide. "I filed that Monday after your birthday and she still refuses to settle. I have tried everything, I've even offered her more than what she deserves but she won't sign off."

I slammed my fist into the coffee table, finishing the job Adam started and as glass shattered over the floor I screamed. "So you're still married and if it weren't for the fact you started a relationship with me you'd be hoping she'd come back?"

Adam pulled me into his arms and held on as if his life depended on it. "No. I didn't file because of you but I did file in the hopes of you. I already had the appointment made before that night because just knowing there are women out there like you finally gave me the peace to move on. I prayed it would be you but even if it wasn't, I knew I didn't want a life with her. Please baby, all that's in our past. Our future is together. I love you and can't imagine a single day without you in my life."

I wrapped my bloody hand in my shirttail. "You could have told me I was just a rebound."

"You are not now, nor have you even been a rebound. For the record there was no way I could tell you anything about this. Baby, from the second you laid your beautiful eyes on me, you ran from the idea of a relationship. You told me point blank that I represented everything bad that's ever happened in your life. Would you have even been friends, much less agree to be in a relationship, with me if you'd known?"

I sobbed into the shoulder of the man I loved. He was right. If I had known all this beforehand we would have never been together and if we had not gotten together, Lord knows where I would have ended up.

"So let me get this straight. You are still married? How am I supposed to react to that knowing I'm wearing your engagement ring?"

Adam looked worried. "Like you always have with me baby. Nothing in the last five minutes has changed how I feel about you. Has it changed how you feel about me?"

My mind was swimming and waves of despair were crashing down around me. I had no idea which way was up. My life went from as perfect as I could ask for to a complete mess in a matter of minutes.

I needed three things in that moment…one, more answers. Two, time to think and three, a stiff drink. I knew I probably would not get the last two because there was no way anyone would allow me to be alone and because of this stupid injury I was not allowed to drink.

I sighed and dropped my head in my hands. "Do you still love her?"

"Not like I love you."

Not the answer I wanted.

A small tear started to form in the corner of my eye. "So you do love her?"

His arm wrapped around me and instead of the protection I normally felt at this gesture, I felt scared. Scared of losing him, scared of staying with him.

His beautiful dark brown eyes were filled with panic. "No Baby. I love you."

I didn't know what to say or how to feel so I pulled away from him and stood to go to my room. I need to be alone so I could put things in perspective.

Adam grabbed my uninjured hand in a panic. His crushing force made me wince from the pain, he released it quickly. "Please say something, what are you thinking?"

I was afraid to talk. I knew if I said something in that moment it would be words I would regret later.

I inhaled deeply to gather some courage. "Adam, I need time. I'm going to my room. I'll call you later."

Adam shook his head. "No, you are not going to run from me. We need to fix this. You can't leave me wondering and worried."

Despair was quickly replaced by a burning anger and sense of betrayal. "Trust me. You want me to think this through because you DO NOT want me to speak my mind in this moment."

He grabbed my shoulders. "Yes, yes I do. Please tell me what's in that pretty head so we can get it out and work through it."

Since he wanted to open the gates, my mouth released the flood of my mind. "What's in my head? Okay, here it is. You're a selfish bastard to make me fall in love with you. You found me broken and rebuilt me so I could not live without you. You make me question everything between us. Our entire relationship was built on a lie. How can you possibly love me when you still love her? You are a cruel selfish man Adam Carson and I never, NEVER thought you had it in you to be that way."

Adam tensed and I saw so much pain quickly followed by a flash of anger as his brown eyes suddenly darkened. "I'm not the only one who lied you know."

I didn't know my anger could rise any higher until it did. "I never lied Adam. I only omitted the truth of my past."

He rolled his eyes. "Same difference."

I grabbed the vase on the end table and sent it flying. He easily ducked it while I glared at him. "No it's not. Not even close. I think I deserve to know my fiancé is actually a married man."

His eyes tightened as he stared at me. He almost frightened me as his eyes had turned into black pits devoid of the kindness I had grown so accustomed to seeing there. "And I deserved to know MY fiancé used to be a man."

His despicable shot was like another knife ripping me in half. I gasped for breath as I took the ring that only thirty minutes ago symbolized our unending love and threw it at his chest. "If you remember correctly I could not tell ANYONE but as soon as I could talk about it, you did know. You knew because I felt complete honesty was important to our relationship. I could have kept my mouth shut and you never would have suspected but I told you. I told you because I love you enough to want you to know everything about me. I never imagined you would resort to using the trust I placed in you to hurt me. Get out of my house."

He visibly winced at the pain my words caused him and started to move towards me as he shook his head and his eyes returned to their normal color.

In my pain and rage I started beating him in his massive chest while screaming at him. "Get out. You let me know how you really feel. Get the fuck out and never come back."

I turned and ran up the stairs to my bedroom as fast as my weak legs would allow. Once in my room I finally released the tears that had been threatening to pour from the moment Adam told me everything.

I hurt immensely from Adam's lies and him lashing out at me but I loved him. I loved him more than I have ever loved another man. I knew in my heart that he did not mean a single thing he said. He only voiced those hurtful things to combat what I had said to him.

Could I deal with this? Would I have run if he had told me?

Damned right I would have.

I had - no I still have - trust issues. I guess I understood why he did it. When we met, neither of us knew it would grow into the love we shared. That night, both of us were just after a pleasant distraction and by the time we knew what we had, he was scared to lose me.

Did I love him any less than I did when I woke up this morning?

No, he was still my everything.

Was I hurt by his actions? Absolutely, but could I get over them?

Jane interrupted my thoughts when she walked in. "You okay sis? Adam just called and said I needed to drop everything to check on you."

I didn't say anything because I furious with her for not me telling about Nikki. Even if Adam was her brother it was wrong of her not to tell me.

She placed my engagement ring in my hand. "I found this on the floor in the living room."

I stared at it realizing how much I really loved him but I wondered if love was enough.

She released a sigh of worry as she sat beside me. "He really has been trying to get his divorce. He loves you more than anything."

I still did not acknowledge what she said because I was hurting and angry. I was not ready to see things from his point of view yet.

Jane ran a supportive hand over my shoulder. "He told me he said some awful things to you that he regrets. You know he was just lashing out don't you? He has a habit of saying things he doesn't mean when he feels he is in the wrong."

I pulled away from her touch and still did not speak. I knew Adam didn't mean what he said. If he had issues with my past then he would also have issues with Renee and his best friend Cali and I knew in my heart that who I used to be did not bother him in the least.

She playfully shoved me. "Are you going to talk to me?"

Again, I only shook my head.

A troubled expression crossed her face. "Are you mad at me?"

I jumped up and shoved my table lamp, sending it across the room and spun around to face her. "I thought we were friends? Why didn't you tell me?"

Jane flinched and fell off the bed on to the floor. "Because I hate that bitch and the hold she had on him. I knew you were perfect for him."

I glared at her. "It wasn't fair to me."

She pulled herself up to face me. "I know sis but at first I didn't know you well enough and I just wanted what was best for him and anyone that didn't look like that damn Belle fit my criteria. Shit, I'm sorry. I hate to admit this but that was my nickname for her cause she really does look just like you at that age. It's uncanny."

I stared at her blankly before she continued.

"Anyways, anyone he was interested in who didn't look or act like her I was going to push for. You are just as wild and crazy as he is but you found a balance that he needs. By the time I got to know you it was too late. All I could do by then was hope and pray that everything worked out. I'm so sorry sis."

Her words were doing nothing to calm my fury. "You tried to talk me into a relationship with a married man. We were good friends when you did that."

Jane began to cry. "Look, I'm sorry. I knew how he felt about you. I knew he loved you then and I could tell you had feelings for him too, but by that point it was too late. I was afraid of not only how you'd react, but selfishly I was worried about losing you as a friend. You're my best friend sis. I know it doesn't excuse what I did and I know I'm wrong. All I can say is I'm so very sorry."

I jumped up still full of anger. I knew if I didn't do something I'd end up hitting Jane so I walked over to the corner and picked up a small cabinet with the intentions of throwing it across the room. As soon as I lifted it I knew I had made a big mistake because the pain in my abdomen was intense.

I screamed before falling to the floor and passing out.

When I came too Jane was in the floor with me and had my head in her lap rocking back forth while keeping a cold rag pressed against my forehead. She was near hysterics as she kept saying, "I'm sorry sis. I'm so sorry. I'll never keep his secrets for him again I swear. Just wake up. Don't be mad at me. Please don't be mad at me. I almost lost you once, you can't go because of me. I won't do it again. I promise. Wake up sis. Please wake up."

Pain replaced anger as I saw Jane breaking down. I no longer hurt from her betrayal, nor did the pain in my midsection bother me. Instead I hurt for my friend who I'd always pictured as so strong.

"I'm not going anywhere."

Jane hugged me close. "Oh thank God. You scared me. I swear to you that from now on I'll never keep anything from you."

"Please don't, and I swear I'll never try to throw a piece of furniture when I'm mad again."

Jane laughed as she helped me from the floor. "Can I ask you something about all this?"

I nodded as I made my way back to the bed to lie down.

"Why did you forgive Adam so easily, but not me?"

"Who said I have forgiven him? But if I did it would be because Adam's a man and you're not."

Jane looked confused. "What's that supposed to mean?"

I laughed. "Have you not seen a guy hit on a girl in a bar and tell her whatever he thought she wanted to hear? Sometimes he leaves out parts he thinks she might not like."

Jane nodded. "Yeah, so what? Men lie to get some."

I gave Jane a 'duh' look.

"Ahh." Jane said. "You expected lies from Adam back then?"

I smiled. "Yeah, and by the time we realized what we had his bed had already been made, but with you it's different. We're supposed to best friends, and not telling your best friend that her boyfriend is married is kind of a big deal. That was a true bitch move, even if it is your brother. You know… the whole 'chicks before dicks' thing."

Jane frowned again. "You're right. It won't happen again, I swear."

I opened my arms wide. "I think we need to hug it out."

Jane walked over and returned my embrace. "So, do you forgive me?"

I grimaced because the pain in my abdomen was excruciating. "Yeah, I do. Can you do me a favor and get me a pain pill please?"

Jane smirked. "Okay but only on one condition."

I pursed my lips. "What condition?"

"That you admit that you have forgiven him."

I shook my head. "Not yet, what he said was awful and he needs to suffer so he knows to never say anything like that again even if he doesn't mean it."

Jane laughed. "That's close enough for me. I'll be right back."

I settled under my comforter and noticed a wry smile on Jane's face as she approached with my medicine. "What?"

"Nothing, just thinking how ironic it is that I was trying to push him away from girls trying to be a certain type and he ran into the one person who was doing everything in her power to keep from being exactly who he was looking for."

Chapter Four

I had no clue how long I had been asleep when I was awakened by soft kisses on my forehead, nose, cheek and finally my lips. As soon as his lips met mine I returned his affection ten-fold. I started to cry with joy that he was with me.

"I'm sorry Baby, don't cry. Please forgive me. I'm as wrong as a man can be. Please, please forgive me. I didn't mean what I said. I was lashing out and it was wrong. Ever since I changed it has been my go-to reaction when confronted with a situation I can't use my fists to get out of and I hate that part of me. I can't live without you. Our past is behind us and my future is with you. You are the only woman I could ever want. I love you with everything I have."

I smiled as I wiped away my tears. "I love you too, I can't imagine a day without you. You're right, our future is together but no more secrets."

Adam smiled back as his body relaxed. "Agreed. No more secrets. I'm so sorry Baby." He retrieved my engagement ring from the nightstand. "Here, put this back on."

I frowned slightly. "I can't wear that."

My poor man appeared to lose all the breath in his beautiful body. "You don't want to marry me?"

I reached up and gently caressed the scruff growing on his cheek. "Of course I do, more than anything but I don't feel right wearing a ring from a man who is still married."

Tears started to fall from his gorgeous brown eyes. "I'm working on it but she's being difficult. It's you I want, not her. Physically I have never met the woman, I have seen pictures and talked to her on the phone but my eyes have never seen her in the flesh. I think it's cruel for Zaria to have saddled me with this baggage."

"I understand that, believe me I do, but I refuse to wear it until our pasts are behind us." I said sadly.

Adam nodded reluctantly. "I guess I can't blame you for that."

I wrapped my hand around his neck and pulled him down. "I still love you and I still plan on marrying you one day but until everything becomes final it's a reminder she's putting our future on hold."

Adam's eyes remained glued to mine. "I swear, you'll be able to wear it again soon. I'm ready for the rest of our lives to start."

I smiled and kissed him deeply. "Me too Baby, me too."

---

Even though time crept by I was kept busy by the phone ringing off the hook. I believe every friend I ever had called to check on me. While I was in physical pain, I had never felt better emotionally.

Adam seemed to feel better after our heart to heart talk as well. I don't think either of us realized the burden our secrets caused.

I made Jill call or come by a few times a day to keep me updated on everything happening at work. Neither Jane nor Adam was thrilled with my attempts to work but they relented when they realized I could do the majority of my job while still in bed with my laptop.

I'd never imagined so many people thought so much of me. Gracie and Liz would put me on speakerphone when they called from the road so I could talk with both of them at the same time. I couldn't bring myself to share the story of Adam’s proposal. They made subtle and not so subtle suggestions that Adam and I should get married. It was almost painful when Gracie said we should just hop a flight to Vegas as soon as I healed enough to have a proper honeymoon.

Tim and Jesse were both religious in keeping check on me. I told them Razor had been granted bail but couldn't come with a thousand feet of me and I did not yet know when the trial would be. I also told them to expect a call from the district attorney because they would be called up as witnesses. Both were still feeling tremendous guilt over everything that occurred. I explained over and over that nothing was their fault, but my words did little to ease their remorse.

Many of my coworkers and clients would call or stop by to see me. They all said how much they missed me and that they couldn’t wait for me to return.

I truly felt blessed.

One of the biggest surprises came five days after I was released from the hospital when Jane came up to my bedroom to tell me I had visitors. I walked out into my living room to see Matt and another man.

Matt had been my first roommate in Los Angeles and also the bassist for Annihilation. He didn't join them for the reunion because of personality conflicts and to be able to live the life he deserved.

I squealed and ran to Matt as he embraced me. I gasped at the pain and he quickly released me. He looked great and introduced me to his partner James who, with his jet-black hair, dark complexion and deep brown eyes, looked as hot as Matt.

Both were fine physical specimens. They worked out often and it showed. After our introductions, James excused himself to visit some local friends allowing Matt and I time to catch up in private.

I huddled up next to Matt on the couch and we spent the largest part of the afternoon talking. He admired all the pictures of Hunter hanging on the walls. True to my promise I did not shed a single tear and smiled often as I remembered all the great times we had.

Matt looked at me with a tear in his eye. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when he died. James and I just spent a year in Europe traveling. I should have been there, but I was so wrapped up in my little world that I didn't check in with anybody. I let you down."

I wiped the building moisture with my thumb and kissed his cheek. "No you didn't. I'm just glad you're finally happy. I doubt I would have remembered you being there anyway. I kinda shut down during that time and it would have only made you worry. I'm good now, no I'm great actually. I have found peace with everything."

I asked about his family whom I'd met a few times when our tour would land close to his hometown. He had a baby sister I was especially fond of. Anytime his family was around ‘Pickles’, as she was always called, would hardly leave my side. I taught her to play guitar after she kept playing with mine and I was afraid she'd break it. I also got roped into "babysitting" duties when Matt couldn't take having a hyper moody teenager around when she'd visit. He told me she was in the business, whatever that meant. He wouldn't elaborate.

Matt informed me he had seen a video of my performance with Liz and Gracie.

"You looked great up there." He proclaimed as he retrieved my laptop to show me the website my footage was on.

"I have to agree. I didn’t believe Matt when he told me you hadn't performed in over ten years." James added as he walked back into the room.

I jumped up to give him a hug. "Thanks, I was amazed at how easily it all came back."

James grinned as he sat in the chair across from the couch so I took it as a sign that it was okay to settle back in next to Matt.

Matt looked at me with a wistful expression. "Do you ever miss it? You know, not the road necessarily but being on the stage."

I pondered his question. It looked as if he missed it. "Sometimes I do, but not that often. As you know, I feel like nothing good comes from me singing. There are times when I'm at Adam and Jane’s club and see a shitty female singer covering one of my songs that I want to yank her off the stage and take her place. "

Matt and James started laughing before Matt added. "I could so see you doing that. You were quite a scrapper back in the day. I remember in the early days you would kick a girl’s ass just for looking at Razor."

"Who was a scrapper? Oh never mind you have to be talking about Sara. I've seen her in action." I looked up to see Adam laughing as he walked in the room. Even though he was laughing his eyes looked troubled.

I jumped up and ran to kiss him. "Are you okay?"

Adam nodded half-heartedly, "I'm fine. Who are your friends?"

I smiled even though his attitude worried me. "I'd like you to meet Matt and his partner James."

Adam looked slightly confused so I clarified, "Matt was the bass player for Annihilation."

Adam nodded in understanding and his smile grew wide as he extended his hand to Matt. "It is so great to finally meet you. Sara's told me so much that I feel as if I already know you."

Adam then turned to James, "Have we met before? You look so familiar."

James smiled knowingly at Adam. "Yes, a few years ago when you were touring with the Xenolith. I used to play for Disintegration."

Adam’s eyes widened in realization. "JP?"

James nodded his head.

"What a small world. It’s great to see you again man." Adam said as he and James moved into the kitchen to discuss music. At that very moment, any worry I had concerning how Adam would treat Matt and James evaporated.

Adam just gave me another reason to love him.

I thought back to the conversation before we were interrupted and turned to Matt. "Do you miss performing?"

Matt sighed, "Sometimes I do but not enough to give up the life I have now. We both have done pretty well you know." He looked around my expansive condo before he smiled again. "This is a far cry from that small shit hole we had in LA."

I nodded, "Yeah it is and I know what you mean, I think I feel the same way. Maybe someday you and I can do a gig or two together just to get it out of our systems."

Matt smiled wistfully, "That would be fun."

We heard Adam and James laughing in the kitchen and Matt gazed at me sweetly.

"Looks like you finally landed a good man Belle."

I nodded in agreement and draped my arm over Matt’s shoulder. "Looks like we both did."

My phone buzzed and I quickly grabbed it to see a text from Jane. I thought it was odd since she was still in the apartment.

I promised no secrets. The bitch is back.

I tossed the phone back on table behind the couch and sighed.

Matt looked concerned. "Is everything okay?"

I painted on a smile as I rested my head on his shoulder. "I hope so."

He hugged me tightly. "It is so great to see you again. Only one thing could make it better."

I looked at him questionably. "And what is that?"

His smiled brightened and his beautiful eyes quickly resembled a puppy's. "That Oreo dessert thing you make."

I laughed. "I'll see what I can do."

---

I stopped and stared when I walked through the revolving doors of the Hunture. At the far end of the expansive marble floored entrance hall I was welcomed back with another banner. This one was larger than the one given to me on my birthday. I stepped closer and saw that it had been signed by not just the local office, but by everyone in New York.

Everyone gathered around for an informal gathering to welcome me back. Thankfully the initial shock of finding out about my past had died down but the two weeks spent at home did little to quell the amount of questions they had.

I felt no hesitation to answer any query after my wonderful boyfriend and fantastic friends helped me come to terms with my past. The women gathered around insisting to know how Adam and I met and not hesitating to let me know how lucky I was, as if I needed any reminders of that.

Adam's demeanor troubled me for a couple days but thankfully, he was soon back to normal and in much better spirits so I decided it was best not to ask about his not-quite-ex-wife Nikki being back in town since nothing in his actions made me worry. I just hoped that while she was in town she had signed the damned divorce papers.

After finally making it into the office, I easily dived back into the flow of things as I'd already been working from home since the hospital released me.

I was worried about how my boss and mentor, Gabriel Moretti, would react to the additional attention I'd been receiving but he was very supportive. He even suggested using it to the company’s advantage and really start going after the record labels for business by using my past as a selling point. He seemed to believe my name alone would allow me in places we couldn't get to before.

I found myself far more relaxed and self-assured after returning than I'd ever been before. With Adam’s prodding, the personality I worked so hard to hide emerged. A confident, outgoing, sexy executive was quickly replacing the uptight but friendly low-keyed ad exec. Business was booming as a result.

On my second day back, my fiancé surprised me by popping up at the office to take me to lunch. He was wearing my favorite pair of loose fitting Levi's that fit him in all the right places along with a tight black tee and snakeskin boots. I couldn’t help but to laugh at the stares and gasps from the other women as they gazed upon his six foot six inch muscled frame.

He looked so scrumptious I had to have a taste. After quickly dragging him into my office I kissed him passionately. "How about a quickie right here? Nobody will know."

Adam laughed, "As tempting as your offer is you know what the doctor said."

I pouted thinking about the doctor's moratorium of no sex for six weeks. "I need you baby. It's killing me."

Adam tugged on my bottom lip. "It's killing me too, but I want you completely well."

I stomped my foot and walked back to the door and opened it. "Be that way. If I can't have you we might as well go eat."

Adam's expression told me he was having as hard a time with that rules as I did. He kissed me again, "It won't be long."

I sighed and rested my head on the strong shoulder of the man who had saved me in so many ways. The eyes of all my female coworkers focused on him as we walked out.

I couldn't help but to smirk.

Yes ladies, eat your heart out because he is mine!

"I'm worried about Ellie," I said to him as we waited for our meal.

Something was different with my cousin and best friend Ellie. It felt like she was avoiding me. I tried stopping by Charley's, the gentleman's club she worked at, a couple of times and was told she called in sick.

Adam rubbed my hand gently over the table. "Why do say that?"

I shrugged. "I don't know. It's like she's avoiding me lately. She never answers when I call anymore. It's like she's up to no good and doesn't want me to know. It's not the first time she's done it."

My man gave me a reassuring smile. "She's a big girl. I'm sure she's fine."

I shrugged. "I guess you're right. I just worry about her."

Adam looked into my eyes with a serious expression. "You are always worried about everyone else when right now you need to worry about yourself. I don't understand why you didn't let Cali heal you."

I laughed lightly. "I'm fine." I pulled his hand across the table and kissed it. "I've had enough supernatural for one lifetime. The only miracle I want these days is you and since I have you so I can't imagine life being any better. Unless…" I paused and tried to give him my best puppy dog eyes. "You start letting me come back to the club."

Adam and his sister Jane refused to allow me to step foot in their club Anthracite. I think they were afraid it might trigger flashbacks of the night I was stabbed. I tried in vain to assure them that I was fine with everything that happened and that the club held so many more wonderful memories than bad.

Adam frowned. "Absolutely not. We've talked about this."

I sighed. "But Baby, I'm fine with everything if that's what you're worried about."

He just shook his head as our waitress showed up with our lunch. I knew from the look on his face that the subject was closed in his mind. I huffed as I grabbed my fork and scooped up a bite of spaghetti.

What I couldn't get my beautiful boyfriend to understand was that emotionally, I was the best I'd been since my son Hunter died when my father's truck was broad sided by a semi-truck. For the first time, in a long time, I had peace of mind.

Chapter Five

With my nights free, I used my extra time at night to write new music. I spent most of my time at the piano because I instinctively knew Hunter was sitting beside me when I was there. The smell of Curves for Men filling the room proved that.

I tried to keep myself occupied but I was really starting to miss seeing everyone as much as I was used to.

My recovery proceeded very well with the exception of a single lapse in judgment. It happened a week after I returned to work.

I left the office early in the hope of swinging by Adam's place to spend some time with him before he had to go to the club. I walked in to find him trying to mount a new sixty-inch high definition television to his wall. He had it in an awkward position and I knew he was about to drop it. I rushed over to give him a hand when he turned to me and snapped. "I got it."

I grabbed one end of the television before I snapped back. "No you don't. You should see yourself"

Adam spun and the TV escaped my grasp as he growled. "You know you can't lift anything."

I reached for the television again. "It's not heavy it's just awkward. Dang you're grumpy. I'd think a man with a television like that would be on cloud nine. Being able to watch that should be better than sex for you."

Adam sat the TV back on the floor with a huff. "It better be since it's all I can get for the time being."

I smirked and started unbuttoning my top. "Ah, okay. I see the problem. I think I know just what you need, I know I sure do."

Adam covered my hands with his own to stop my progress. "No, doctors orders."

I smiled and licked my lips provocatively as I reached down to his fly. "He didn't say I couldn't take care of you did he?"

Adam's strong power of will started to show cracks. "No, not exactly."

I pushed him to his white leather couch and pulled his pants to his ankles. "No he didn't. Just relax and enjoy."

My man hardened in an instant and I leaned down to give him the pleasure he so desperately needed. I looked up through my lashes to see him staring with such intense desire. I wished I had removed his shirt so I could enjoy an unobstructed view of his mountain of a chest rising and falling swiftly. As it was, I focused on the face and the rapidly darkening eyes of a man so beautiful he could make Aphrodite forsake all others.

As his pleasure climbed higher I found myself getting just as excited.

I needed a release.

It's strange how I'd gone more than a few years prior to meeting this magnificent man without any sex but now only three weeks of standing in front of the fountain without being able to drink had been almost more than I can take.

It occurred to me that I might not get my taste if I allowed Adam to reach the apex. I stopped suddenly and began to remove my panties.

Adam emerged from his bliss with a start. "What's wrong? Why did you stop?"

I hiked up my skirt and crawled on top of him. "Why should you get all the fun?"

With panic and extreme desire firmly etched on his exquisite face Adam replied, "What about what the doctor said?"

I placed my hand between us and grabbed his painfully attentive shaft and lightly rubbed it against my willing opening. "You don't want this?"

Adam closed his eyes and tossed his head back. "More than anything."

I leaned in and grabbed an earlobe with my teeth. "Then take it, it's all yours baby."

With a primal grunt Adam filled me in one thrust.

His pitch black eyes stared into mine. "I missed you like this."

I leaned backwards and arched my back. "I did too."

Adam grabbed my hips and began thrusting harder when I felt a sharp pain that caused me to gasp.

Adam paused. "What's wrong?"

I shook my head. "Nothing, keep going."

Adam resumed exquisitely assailing my body. I ignored the pain in my abdomen, instead focusing on the pleasure I was finally receiving.

I stared at him angrily when he abruptly stopped and carried me to the bathroom. "What are you doing?"

Adam glared at me as he snapped. "Look at your stomach."

I looked down to see my wound had torn open and was bleeding profusely. "Shit."

Adam sat me in his tub. "Yeah shit is right. I told you we shouldn't do this but you wouldn't listen." He ran his hands though his hair. "Does it hurt?"

"A little, but not much."

"I still have evil in me and I always end up hurting you." He turned to leave. "I'm calling an ambulance."

I reached out to grab his leg. "No, it's not that bad, just let me call the doctor first."

Adam let the lid down on the toilet and sat. "I'm always hurting you."

I leaned across to touch him. "No baby, never. You've never hurt me."

His head turned to me and his eyes carried a ferocity that sent a chill down my spine. "Yes I have, I do it all the time. I never should have let you talk me into this." He stood and stormed out to get his phone.

After calling my doctor we made a quick trip to the emergency room. I spent the time waiting to be seen attempting to calm Adam down. I truly believed I succeeded until my doctor arrived and angrily explained how much damage had been done. He spoke to both of us but aimed the majority of his wrath at Adam.

I stood to defend my man when the doctor told Adam he was being selfish and uncaring to put his needs before my own. "Back up Doc, this was all me. I initiated it, I let it escalate, it was all me. Adam wanted to stop, but I can be very persuasive when I want something."

The doctor's eyes drifted all over my body before he nodded and apologized to Adam, but the damage had been done. To a man already harboring guilt, the words he heard were nothing more than a confirmation of his feelings.

The six-week recovery had to start again from scratch. Adam's remorse intensified and after that night he was afraid to so much as cuddle with me.

He started going straight home after he returned from the club at night. He told me it was to avoid the temptation and for my own good. For something that was supposed to be for my benefit it felt like being confined to a personal hell. Without Adam in my bed the nightmares returned with a vengeance.

Our steamy romance cooled immediately and he began acting rather distant. Instead of answering my calls on the first ring they would go to voicemail and he’d call me back later. I ended up eating most of my dinners alone. Instead of the full loving hugs that made me feel complete, I was receiving a light pat on the back. Instead of the passionate kisses that made everything right with the world, all I got was an innocent peck on the lips.

I knew I was losing Adam, but nothing I said or did changed anything. I kept trying to persuade my mind that we were fine and chalked it up to his feeling at fault over everything that had happened. I convinced myself we would be good again once I wasn't so fragile.

Jane and I were closer than ever and she kept assuring me that Adam just needed time get over his guilt. She explained that he'd shut down to her as well but that had always been how he coped. She said he closed himself off when he was upset and pushed those closest to him away. It helped that she didn’t seem too concerned.

As his behavior continued I called Cali to get her opinion. She knew Adam even better than Jane did or at least that was what I thought until she explained she had been having a hard time figuring him out.

She explained that as Ryan his feelings were always transparent to her, but now was different. It would take her using her gifts to know what he was feeling and since they were so far away from each other he could hide things that he never could before.

Cali reminded me that it had not even been a year since he became Adam was still having to sort through his new life but she knew he wanted me to be a part of it so I tried to push my worries aside.

Chapter Six

My lunch meeting was with a potential new client downtown. I noticed, as I pulled into my usual parking lot, that the motorcycle I had bought Adam for his birthday was there. I thought it odd since on most Fridays he was too busy getting the club ready for the weekend rush to go out anywhere. I saw his helmet on one handlebar and mine on the other.

I considered it unusual that he hadn't mentioned it to me but I blamed it on the mood he had been in lately and it slipping his mind since I failed to mention my meeting to him as well.

I decided to leave him a little love note to hopefully brighten his day. I dug out a pen and some paper from my purse.

Hey Baby,

What does it say about how much I love you when just the sight of our sled makes me smile? Looking forward to next week! Maybe we need to take another trip to the lake. ;)

I love you!!!

I refreshed my lipstick and kissed the note. I stepped out of my Mini and made my way to our bike where I placed the note inside his helmet.

I turned around and Arhan was there to greet me. "Sara, you are looking great today, where is hug for Arhan?"

I smiled warmly and gave him a friendly hug. "Hi Arhan, thanks. How have you been? "

Arhan smiled brightly. "I am good Sara. Arhan was so worried when I saw you on the news. I see you have man now. Is he good to you?"

I smile warmly thinking of Adam. "Yes I'm doing much better and yes I have a man now and he's very good to me. I'm very happy."

Arhan's grin grew wider. "That is good. You deserve to be happy. Who is this lucky man?"

I patted the chrome and gunmetal gray custom reminder of our love. "His name is Adam, you must have met him because this is our motorcycle."

Arhan looked at the scooter and his smile disappeared immediately. His demeanor tightened. "No, I don’t know him. I didn’t park him."

I picked up on Arhan’s attitude switch immediately. "What's going on Arhan?"

Arhan dropped his head and began to squirm nervously before putting on a fake smile.

I knew a fake smile when I saw one. Dammit, I wore one just like it for months.

"Nothing Sara, nothing at all. You have fun."

Arhan turned to walk away without asking for another hug. I definitely knew something was amiss.

I followed him, "What are you not telling me?"

Arhan straightened up and his fake smile became more pronounced. "I already told you Sara. There is nothing I’m not telling you."

Something in his body language told me I would not be getting any information from him. Since I had already spent more time talking than I planned I knew I needed to get going otherwise my client could be upset.

I timidly turned to walk toward the street. "Ok, Arhan. It was good to see you."

I arrived at Baxter’s Grill right as my client, David Reid, was walking in. I was greeted with a friendly handshake before he escorted me inside.

"Thank you for agreeing to meet with me David." I smiled as we were waiting for our table.

"It's my pleasure Sara. I have looked forward to this all week."

I got the distinct impression from his eyes and nervousness that this was more than a business meeting to him.

Before I had a chance to respond a young, attractive brunette interrupted us. "Right this way please."

She led us to our table and as we made our way I noticed a couple sitting together in the far corner. They seemed rather friendly with each other and I smiled because they reminded me of Adam and I. If we were here together I imagined that was how we'd be interacting with each other.

Since I still refused to wear my glasses in public I could not get a good look at them but as we moved closer the blonde facing me came into focus.

She appeared to be tall given the long legs peeking from underneath the table. She was also very attractive with big electric blue eyes, high cheekbones and rather voluptuous lips. She looked remarkably like a younger, cuter version of me in very disturbing way.

The man she was holding hands with looked familiar. Upon closer inspection I realized we were intimately familiar.

I felt faint as I turned to David. "Will you excuse me for a moment? I see someone I must speak to."

I could tell from the expression on his face that David had an idea what was happening. In the weeks that followed my being stabbed, pictures of Adam and I had been plastered on all the entertainment magazines and television shows.

David looked at me with concern. "Sure, not a problem at all. Can I order you a drink?"

I tried to muster a smile, "Water will be fine, thank you. I won't be but a moment." I turned away from David and marched with a long determined gait toward the couple’s table.

As I was approaching, I noticed the man raise his hand and gently place a few stray strands of hair behind her ear. Little Miss Blonde bombshell was giggling when he lifted her hand to kiss her knuckles until she saw me approaching and her expression changed to one of immense satisfaction.

"Hello Adam, what a surprise seeing you. Who's your friend?" I worked hard to contain all emotion so my tone ended up sounding flat instead of the sarcastic cheeriness I was aiming for.

The man who held my heart jumped and quickly released the woman's hand. I gasped as his eyes faded from the dark they became when he was in an amorous mood to the brown I was accustomed to. "Uh, um, Sara what are you doing here? This is not what it looks like."

Not what it looks like? What type of excuse could explain this?

"I have a business lunch with a client Zeus. Would you care to introduce me to your friend?" I finally found my friendly voice as my mask finally secured in place. I didn’t want to cause a scene, Mama always taught me not to air my dirty laundry in public. I maintained a professional smile and demeanor but Adam knew me well enough to see past the wall and recognize the rage and hurt dancing just below the surface.

Adam slumped down in his seat while trying to figure out what to say so I decided to take charge.

I offered my left hand and a warm friendly smile to the bimbo. "Hi, nice to meet you, I’m Sara Collins. Has anyone told you how much you look like that rock singer, I think her name was Belle? You aren’t related to her are you?"

The little blonde tramp extended her hand to meet mine. She was still wearing her wedding ring. I had to chuckle a little because it was smaller than the one Adam had given me.

I could tell from her expression she knew exactly who I was. "Hi Sara, I'm Adam's wife Nikki. I get that a lot. If I'm being honest, a few years ago I would have been thrilled with the comparison but now it gets really tiring being compared to some old has been."

My stomach turned and full fury raged within me as I received confirmation the love of my life was getting cozy with his ex-wife. I pulled out every ounce of self-control within to maintain my composure and not let her know that her words had been a direct hit. "Oh my what a lovely ring."

Adam was squirming and started to speak but Nikki beat him to it. "Thank you Sara. I can only hope you'll be able to find a man of your own who loves you enough to give you a ring like that and not try to steal someone else's."

She subtly turned her eyes to Adam as she said it. He didn’t even notice but I damn sure did.

My voice carried a syrupy sweetness that would have made the ladies of my mother's garden club proud. "Oh Nikki, bless your heart. I'm sure I could never take a man whose wife had taken care of him in the first place and if I did…my ring would be much larger than what you have."

Recognizing a slip into my southern accent meant my anger was reaching dangerous levels, Adam perked up and finally found his words. "Can we step outside and talk in private Sara?"

I dismissed Adam with a wave of my hand. "Nonsense Zeus. You and your wife enjoy your lunch and don't worry about this old lady."

I stared a hole through Nikki, almost willing her to make a move toward me but she remained in her seat with an intense look of satisfaction.

Words can't describe the eeriness I felt realizing how much we truly looked alike. I would not be the least bit surprised if the other patrons thought we were sisters. She obviously did not share my gift when it came to aging. Where I had always looked considerably younger, she looked her true age. Knowing the history of her and Adam, I knew she was twenty-three. When I was that age I was still being carded just to buy cigarettes.

My distinctly shaded large blue eyes suddenly felt commonplace as I looked at hers. My distinguishing cheekbones I'd always been so proud of unexpectedly didn't appear as striking when resting on another face. The full lips I always thought myself fortunate to have suddenly felt like a curse if they made me appear as cheap as this Jezebel in front of me. I needed to ask Daddy to make sure that he had always been faithful to Mom.

I started to shake slightly from the emotional turmoil boiling within.

Recognition began to set in as Nikki studied me and she saw that I was a ticking time bomb ready to blow at any second. Her little head game had the desired effect but I don't believe she expected me to stand my ground. She turned her gaze away from my intense stare.

I turned to Adam and gave him an icy glare. "You take care of yourself Zeus. It was liberating to see you today."

I turned on my heels to walk away as Adam stood before placing a death grip on my elbow. "Sara please, we need to talk about this."

I spun around and it took all I had to restrain from slapping him. Instead I gritted my teeth. My voice was low and menacing as I spoke. "No Zeus, we don’t. There's nothing to say. I'll get Jane to bring you your things. Please take you hand off me."

Adam placed his arm around my waist and pulled me close. His eyes appeared to be full of remorse. "Baby, stop calling me that! It’s not what it looks like, please we need to talk."

My rage was in full force as I dug my nails into Adam’s arm so hard I brought blood. He winced and quickly removed his arm from my side. I kept a death grip on his arm as I backed away from his embrace.

"I can read you like a children's book. It is exactly what it looks like so keep your damned hands off me. Did you bring her here on our bike?"

His silence told me what I already knew. To me that was lower than low and told me how little he appreciated the things I considered so special to us.

I spoke to him in a hushed tone that did little to hide my hurt and anger. "I was right about you from the beginning, but I let you convince me you were different. You're worse than Razor. The only difference between you and him is that Razor hurt me on the outside and I knew what to expect. I thought you loved me. I love you and trusted you and how do you repay that love and trust? You go out running to your ex the first chance you have. On our bike, no less. We're done. Go back to your Belle and have your happily ever after."

"Baby, please don't do this," Adam pleaded.

I sighed and tried to calm down, finally losing my accent. "Do what Adam? Let you have what you've wanted from the beginning? Please let me walk away with my dignity, it’s all I have at the moment. You owe me that much."

All color washed away from Adam. The pain in his eyes was unmistakable as his shoulders slumped in defeat. I turned away and walked over to David to take my seat.

I summoned the best fake smile I muster. "I apologize for that, where were we?"

David had just witnessed everything and was obviously uncomfortable. His eyes kept moving from me over to Adam and Nikki as they stood in the corner arguing.

Nikki approached my table cautiously. "Excuse me Sara but may I have a word?"

I turned to look the bitch in the eyes. She tried to look remorseful but I wasn't buying it. It was my impression she was putting on a show to not look like the tramp she truly was. "Nikki, right now is not a good time. I'm in the middle of a business lunch."

Nikki placed her hand on my shoulder making me flinch, "I'm so so sorry. I had no idea he was involved with anyone. If I had known I wouldn't have…" Her words were nice but saying it loud enough for everyone to hear combined with the look of accomplishment in her eyes gave away her true intentions.

I stopped her before she could continue. I let down my wall long enough to give a glimpse of my fury in a manner to let her know she would receive my full wrath if she did not leave quickly. I slowly stood realizing she was the same height as me and glared into her eyes so she realized how close I was to completely losing any consideration of decorum.

I tried to keep my voice low but my anger didn't allow it. "Do I look like a fucking idiot? Anyone with a television or internet access knew he and I were together so please find somewhere else to spread your bullshit. I can see right through you and what you want. You came back to town wanting to win him back. Consider it mission accomplished. I'm done."

Apparently she didn't understand I was dismissing her since she adopted an offensive stance and moved toward me to attack.

I needed to make it painstakingly clear I'd seen enough of her to last the rest of my life. I reached across and grabbed a handful of her bleached tresses with my left hand and made a fist with my right. "You got what you wanted, so I suggest you just go before I do something to you I won't regret. Don't let my appearance fool you. I have nothing left and I'm redneck to my core. I ain't got nothing to lose and I'll hurt a bitch in a heartbeat so you need to leave NOW!"

Extreme fear became evident as Nikki's eyes grew wide before I let her go with a shove toward the front door.

She dropped her head and quickly ran away.

Adam looked like he was about to walk in my direction. I stopped him with a scowl as I shook my head and pointed toward the exit. "Get out!"

Adam sighed and dropped his head as he turned to the front of the restaurant. He garnered many disgusted looks, as well as, more than a few nasty comments from others as he made his way to the front.

After Adam was gone I took a deep breath and sat down in front of David. I put on my fake smile and in the sweetest voice I could muster as I resumed my seat said, "now, where were we?"

David looked at me with a mixture of pity and concern. "Would you like to talk about what just happened?"

I shook my head. "No David, I don’t. Thank you though. I'm fine and ready to discuss your account."

He nodded at me kindly. "Let’s reschedule for next week. Neither of us is in the mood to talk business anymore."

I smiled at this kind-hearted man in front of me. "Thank you for understanding. I truly apologize for causing a scene."

David looked at me incredulously, "why are you apologizing? Nothing that happened was your fault."

I shrugged, "I could have handled things better."

David looked at me in awe. "I don't think so. That was awesome. You showed amazing grace under the circumstances. Most women would have either run away crying or walked over to grab the other woman by her hair and drag her outside for a beating."

I looked at him with arched brows.

He smiled knowingly. "My point is, you tried not to do that and maintained your cool until she attempted to put her hands on you. I've never hit a woman in my life and the idea crossed my mind with the way she was acting." He began to laugh. "I was going to let you get a few good shots in before I tried to separate you two. I don't think I want to be on your bad side."

I laughed embarrassingly, trying my best to hide the fury that continued to bubble just below the surface.

David rose and offered his hand. "Come on, let’s get you out of here."

The many sympathetic looks I received on the way out didn't help me feel better.

Chapter Seven

My phone rang while I was walking down the sidewalk to my car. I looked to see Adam calling so I hit ignore. I had no more than placed it in my purse and it started ringing again. Once again I clicked ignore and started to turn it off when it rang again but this time I saw it was Jane calling.

I started talking as soon as I answered. I tried to keep my tone emotionless. "I know you're calling for him but I’m not in the mood to talk. On Monday I need you to come get his shit and take it to him."

Jane gasped, "what are you talking about?"

I could feel anger rising again. "Don’t play stupid Jane, it’s not becoming. You promised no more covering for him."

Jane sounded dumbfounded. "Honestly, I don’t have a clue what you're talking about. I just called to see if you wanted to grab a bite to eat this afternoon. What's going on?"

I finally released a few of the tears I'd been holding back. I loved Jane like a sister, but Adam was her brother. She'd already shown me once that blood was thicker than water and I realized that in addition to losing the love of my life I would also be losing someone who had shown me what being a best friend truly meant.

I refused to make her endure the agony of choosing sides. A friend would not do that.

"Nothing sis. I’m gonna to let you go. I love you."

Jane was frantic. "Sara, talk to me. Did you and Adam get into a fight?"

"I'll talk to you soon, sis." My voice started to crack. "Thanks for always being there."

"You are scaring me si…"

I clicked end before she could finish and called Jill.

"Jill, this is Sara. I'm taking off for the rest of the day. I'll be out of contact until Monday. You can leave as soon as you're finished."

My tone obviously let Jill know that I wasn't in the mood to explain my actions.

"Oh ok Ms. Collins. I’ll cancel your appointments this afternoon. Have a good weekend." Worry was evident in her voice but she wisely chose not to press me.

"Thank you Jill. You too."

I turned off my phone as soon as I hung up from Jill.

I returned to my car to see Adam waiting beside it talking to Arhan while clutching the note I had left for him.

I could hear Arhan yelling. "Sara is good woman, how can you do that to her? You leave now stupid man!"

It was quite a scene to watch unfold as short little Arhan was getting in Adam's face. The sight of the man I love holding onto my profession of said love like it was a precious treasure, standing helplessly next to my car allowing Arhan to berate him caused a few tears to escape.

I turned in my tracks to walk in the opposite direction before they noticed me. I had no more than gotten out of sight when I heard a male voice. "Hey stranger. Long time no see."

I looked up to see Kevin Snider’s smiling face.

I attempted to wipe away the tears and put on my smile. "Hi Kevin, good to see you."

Kevin’s smile faded as stared into my red eyes. He quickly pulled his car to the curb and leaned across to open his passenger side door.

"Get in here Sara, are you ok?"

I quickly assessed the situation and knew I didn’t want to be seen in my current state. I quickly sat down in his black Infiniti coupe.

I attempted a weak smile. "Thank you."

Genuine concern emitted from every pour of Kevin’s body. "Can I take you somewhere?"

I appreciated that he was providing me with a way to get home without anyone knowing. "Can you take me to the Terrazzo please? I’d be forever in your debt."

Kevin gave me an understanding nod. "Sure, no problem at all. You want to talk about it?"

I shook my head. "Thank you, but no."

True to his unrelenting style, Kevin kept pressing. "Are you sure? I'm a good listener."

I patted his hand as it sat on the gear shifter. "I’m sure you are and I appreciate the offer, but right now I just want to go home."

Kevin realized I was really not in the mood to have a discussion. "Okay but that's a standing offer. Anytime you need to talk I'm but a phone call away."

"Thank you Kevin"

"You still have my number?"

I nodded. "Yes I do."

Kevin smiled compassionately. "Good."

Mercifully he allowed the remainder of the ride to be in silence.

Once home I locked my door, fastened the chain and clicked the deadbolt so that a key from the outside would not work. No longer caring about the doctor's orders, I headed straight to the bar sitting in the corner of the living room to grab a bottle of Gentleman Jack before heading to the kitchen to pour some soda.

After a couple of quick drinks that weren't as calming as I expected I stepped into the shower and finally allowed myself the emotional release I had been craving.

I slid down the wall and sat on the tiled floor of my shower stall. I wept til the warm water of the shower cascading overhead turned cold. My hope of washing away the pain was for naught. I didn't feel even the tiniest bit better.

After over an hour and a half in the shower I finally stepped out and heard someone banging on my door. I ignored the commotion as I dried off.

I thought about my Mini that I left at the parking lot. While I was sure Arhan would take care of it for me, I didn't want to take any chances by leaving it downtown all weekend.

I waited until after six o’clock, that was the time I knew that both Adam and Jane would be at the club, to go retrieve it. I put on my black compression shorts and a white T back tank and my running shoes.

I used the two-mile run to my car to think.

How could Adam do this to me?

I thought we had something special.

He let her on our bike.

What the hell?

Why did he propose?

Did guilt make him propose?

Did he propose to Sara or did he propose to Belle?

What about what Hunter said?

Guess I’m not going to get the chance to be a mother again.

I’m getting too old anyways.

Nikki looks alot like me.

Nikki is cuter and younger than me.

Maybe it was the lack of sex that led him astray.

He never loved me.

I chose to stay in this life for him.

I was just a pleasant distraction.

If I had known that was all I was I might not have come back to the same life.

Yes I would have, my life is still not bad, it could be way worse.

I could have turned out like Razor.

Nikki is beautiful.

I always knew Adam could do better than me.

I was just a placeholder til she came back.

I looked enough like her that he was happy until she came back.

He was too good for me anyways.

No man wants a woman who used to be a man.

I probably would have cheated too if I were him.

Why did I ever think he would settle down with someone like me?

Why did he save me from Razor?

I wish the doctors had not brought me back.

Why did Zaria send me back?

I could be with Hunter instead of all alone.

Oh God. I'm all alone.

What kind of life is this?

I’m an old washed up has been like Nikki said.

I did make some great friends from that time.

I wonder how everyone is.

I need to call Gracie and Liz later.

I need to call Ellie but she wouldn't answer anyway.

I need time to think things through.

I miss Adam already.

I wonder if he's with her right now?

Why didn’t he just tell me he wasn’t happy?

He said it wasn’t what it looked like.

By the look on Nikki’s face it looked like something.

By the color of his eyes I know it was something.

Maybe I should give him a chance to explain.

How can I be so naíve?

I saw him treat her the same way he treats me.

I love him.

He is obviously not happy being with me.

He can do better.

He deserves better.

I can’t trust him anymore.

I have to let him go.

I could see Arhan on the opposite end of the lot when I got to my Mini and noticed a note under my windshield wiper. He spotted me and started to run in my direction as I grabbed the piece of paper. I quickly jumped in my car to take off. I didn’t give Arhan a chance to say anything before I squealed my tires and left the lot.

I was still mad at Arhan for not telling me whom Adam came with, but then again he did defend me. He had the chance to tell me about Adam but he didn’t. He let me just walk in the restaurant and look like a fool. I knew he would probably try to comfort me with some lame saying from his home country that I was in no mood to hear.

I decided to park my car in the parking garage a block away from the Terrazzo so that nobody would know I was home. Once parked, I opened the note.

Sara,

Please call me. It's not what it looked like. I love you and would never do anything to jeopardize what we have.

I love you forever,

Adam

Yeah right! I know what I saw. Why doesn’t he just be a man and own up that he still loves her. I wadded up the note and tossed it in the passenger's seat.

Once back in the safe confines of my apartment, I clicked the deadbolt then stepped into the kitchen to get a large glass and fill it with ice.

Mixing my drinks with soda was not numbing me fast enough so I poured my Gentleman Jack over the rocks. I grabbed the bottle and glass before heading up to my bedroom.

"Please Lord allow my precious son to visit me tonight." I prayed as I turned off the lamp beside my bed.

Three glasses of expensive whiskey later a restless sleep finally came.

Prior to Hunter's death I often suffered from night terrors but afterwards I looked forward to sleep because my dreams were often filled with sweet memories of my beloved boy. Once Adam and I were together he became the topic of many erotic dreams.

Sadly after Razor's attack and Adam moving back to his apartment the nightmares returned with a vengeance and often haunted my slumber. Many memories and insecurities I had managed to bury came back in a flourish.

I soon found out I missed the dreams about Razor…

I stepped out onstage with Bellero. It felt like I never left as I began to sing. I looked out at the crowd and found everyone laughing. After the song ended someone from the crowd yelled, "Give it up old woman go back to the nursing home."

I turned to Liz and Gracie, the original members of the band, for support and they were standing with Hannah, my replacement, shaking their heads. I heard Gracie say, "I tried telling her she hasn't aged well but she won't listen. She thinks acting like that will get Adam back. It's sad when you think about it."

I turned to run off the stage and ran straight into Adam and Nikki. I straightened myself and smiled seductively, "hi Adam."

Nikki began to laugh. "Can you believe her?"

Adam shook his head embarrassingly. "I don't know what I was thinking."

Nikki leaned over and kissed Adam passionately. "I don't know either, baby. Let's get out of here. This is pitiful."

Ran away from them and ended up in the arms of Razor. "Doesn't feel good to grow old, does it Bumpkin?"

He softly stroked my cheek. "It's a shame really. You used to be so hot. We can switch back now if you want."

I started to say yes when he began beating me. "Do you really think I'd give you chance to be happy after you ruined my life?" The sounds of his punches were intense.

Someone pounding on my door loudly roused me from my terror. I shook off the nightmare and lightly walked to look through the peephole and saw Adam with Jane standing by his side.

Jane tried her key but, because of the deadbolt, it didn't work. I eased my way back to the kitchen ignoring them. Ten minutes later the pounding started again, I didn’t even have to look to see who it was as I could hear Adam yelling my name.

I realized that this was going to go on all day so I picked up my phone and turned it on to call Ellie.

To my surprise, she not only answered but she started in on me as soon as she answered. "Oh my God, are you ok?"

"No. I need a favor."

"Adam's been looking all over for you, where are you?" Her concern was evident.

"Yeah I figured as much. I'm at home. Can you do me a favor?"

I could feel her anxiety through the phone. "Of course I can. What’s going on?"

I sighed knowing I had to tell her. "I caught Adam with his wife. Can you lead him to believe I left town for the weekend to think? He keeps pounding on my door, I can’t get any peace."

I had to hold the phone away from my ear as Ellie screamed. "He's still married? That BASTARD! Do you want me to come over?"

Even though her coming over was the last thing I wanted, it hurt slightly that she asked if I wanted her to. In the past she would have already been out the door and halfway to her car.

"No, it's okay," I sighed into the phone. "I just want to be alone. You know how I get. I’m not in the mood to talk. I need to sort things out in my mind and I just need him to leave me alone."

Ellie sounded relieved. "I’ll tell him you went up to Dad’s cabin in the Smokies. Are you sure you don’t want me to come over? I will if you really need me, I think Greg would understand."

Without meaning to, she confirmed my suspicions that something was wrong between us but I wasn't in the mood to find out what it was.

My voice started to crack. "Don't worry about me. I just need some time alone. I'm turning my phone off so I'll call you Monday. Please don’t come over because I won’t answer the door. Oh and could you tell Jane I've gone to the Smokies too, so she won’t try to come over either?"

"Yeah girl, of course. Are you sure you're ok?"

"No I’m not, but I will be. I've survived worse you know."

Ellie released a heavy breath, "I know you have. I'll keep my phone on me except at work so if you need me just call."

I wanted her to know how much she meant to me. "You're the best. I love you more than you know."

I could feel her smile through the phone. "I know because I love you just as much. Promise you'll call if you need me."

"I promise."

The rest of the day was spent in the bottom of a bottle. I smashed many plates as well as anything else breakable that held no sentimental value. I decided to watch a couple of tearjerkers before calling it a night.

---

I awoke feeling refreshed and finally worked up the courage to face the world again. I walked to the window to witness a perfect day so I stepped back into my bedroom to put on my running clothes. Nothing cleared my mind like a good run.

I stepped out into the hallway and immediately fell into a deep chasm. I called out for help but there was no response. After what felt like hours I heard a noise above me. I called out again for help.

An eerie feminine laughter reverberated in my ears. "You really think anyone cares about you?"

I clawed at the walls. "Please just help me out."

"Why should I? It's not like anyone will miss you."

"Why are you doing this to me? Who are you?"

A light appeared and Nikki's face came into view. "I'm not doing anything to you. You dug this hole yourself."

"How did I do it?" I screamed up to my doppelganger.

She shook her head as if she pitied me. "You turned your back on everyone who cared about you. Did you really think Adam could love something like you? What can you offer him that I can't?

"I can offer him love."

"I can do that too plus I'm all natural."

Adam stepped to Nikki's side laughing. "Did you seriously think I would choose you over her?"

"You said you loved me."

He smirked at me. "I said a lot of things. You were a fun distraction."

Nikki joined Adam in laughter. "Oh my goodness, she really believed you loved her. How sad."

The tears came hard and heavy filling the hole. I tried to swim to the top but my feet were stuck to the floor. I tilted my head back trying to stay above water.

Suddenly my feet became free and I turned to kick my way to the surface when I found myself flat on my living room floor.

Wide-eyed and gasping for air I looked around the room. The TV was on but the DVD player had turned itself off and a horror movie was playing in its place. It took me a second to realize I had another nightmare.

Too wound up to sleep I settled in and found a nice comedy to watch in the hopes that it would remove the remnants of my dream.

Chapter Eight

By Sunday afternoon my weekend of self-pity and inflection had reached its limit. I cried all the tears I could cry and broke almost everything that was breakable in the apartment. I needed to talk to someone, anyone. I had no desire to talk about Adam nor did I want to talk about myself.

During my self-exile I made up my mind. Adam deserved better than me and I would let him go. I had only been a rebound and it had been selfish of me to expect him to settle down. I loved him too much to force him into my life when he wanted a life with someone else. He only proposed out of guilt, I realized that it wasn't fair to hold him to a commitment he had no desire to fulfill.

I willed myself to be happy with my decision, and using my newfound willpower I finally called Ellie. It went to voicemail, which did not surprise me given how's she'd been acting lately.

"Hey girly, it’s me. I’m alive and well. No need to call me back, I just wanted to let you know and to thank you for covering for me. Love you."

I wanted so badly to talk to talk to Jane and had to force myself not to call. I couldn't make her choose so I called Matt instead. He must have been busy as well since his call also went to voicemail. I didn't bother leaving a message, figuring he'd call me when he saw his caller ID.

On my third call someone finally answered.

"Hey, Your Dad and I were expecting to see you today."

Oh shoot, I had forgotten all about going to my parents today.

"I’m sorry Mom, I had a lot on my mind and I totally forgot."

"It’s no problem. Are you ok?"

I decided not to tell Mom about Adam. I’m not up to reliving the experience.

"Yeah I’m good, just busy. How are you and Dad?"

Mom used her tone. The tone that told me she didn't believe me. "Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

I sighed. "No. I don't want to talk about it."

"Did something happen between you and Adam?"

I was starting to cry again. "I said I don't want to talk about it. Can we please have a normal talk? That's what I need right now."

Mom's voice became calm and soothing. It was the voice she used when I was young to convince me everything would be right with the world. I was amazed how well it still worked. "Oh baby girl. It's going to be okay I promise. Sure, we can talk about anything you want to talk about."

"What did you do this weekend?" I asked.

Mom told me about her and Daddy's trip to a car show where Daddy proudly displayed their cherry red 1970 Cutlass four-four-two that they bought shortly after they were married. There were times growing up that I swore he loved that car more than me but in his defense, it was a really sweet ride. To this day I believed my fondness for red cars was because of that Cutlass.

"How's Daddy doing?"

Mom's voice perked up. "He's doing great. He woke up one morning and said he dreamed of Hunter playing music for his parents and mine. He said Hunter looked happy and his mood's been wonderful ever since."

I laughed. "Hunter had to make him see for himself."

"What do you mean?"

"When I saw Hunter he told me people were taking care of him and that he was happy. Sounds to me like Hunter had to let Daddy see for himself."

Mom sighed. "I wish I could see him."

I fought back tears remembering my promise to never cry for him again. "Me too. I'm missing him more than usual right now."

"Oh baby girl. Do you need me to come over?"

I could really use one of Mom's hugs right now but her temper (yes, that's where I got it from) along with the fact Adam only lived one floor above me was a recipe for disaster. I didn't want her making a scene. "No, I'll be okay."

While I was thinking of the events of Friday another thought entered my mind. "Is Daddy around?"

"He's in the living room watching the game. You want to talk to him?"

"Yeah."

It was refreshing to hear his happy booming voice. "Heyas Libs, how's my baby girl doing?"

"I'm okay Daddy. I have a question."

"Shoot."

"You didn't happen to cheat on Mom about twenty four years ago or so did you?"

Daddy laughed nervously. "What kind of question is that?"

"A serious one. I met a girl this weekend who looked so much like me we could be sisters. She's tall like me and has our eyes Daddy. I've never seen anyone but you, me and Papa with them."

Daddy suddenly became quiet and I could hear him release his recliner and then I heard a door shut before he spoke again. "It can't be. Did you get her name?"

"Yeah, her name is Nikki Carson."

Daddy gasped slightly. "Olivia Nicole? What does she look like? Is she happy?"

"I don't know her full name, I just know the name Nikki. She looks just like I did when I was her age and I don't give a fuck if she's happy but I'd say she is since she got what she wanted."

"What did you think of her?"

This was not the direction I anticipated this conversation going. My voice took on a hard edge as I replied. "I think she's a manipulative bitch who'll get her ass kicked if I see her again. What's with all the questions?"

He sighed. "Nothing."

I was frustrated beyond words as I screamed in the phone. "Daddy just tell me. Who is she?"

"She's nobody to worry yourself over."

"What are you saying Daddy?"

"Lib, you are working yourself up over nothing just calm down."

I was so upset I started pacing the floor. "Daddy, what is it?"

I could hear him crying and it caused my chest to ache. He's only starting to pull himself together and I was afraid I might break him again.

I sighed deeply. "I love you Daddy, no matter what. You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes I'm sure."

Realizing this was a painful topic for Daddy I changed the subject. "Any chance you could get the Rebel going for me?"

The Rebel is a smaller motorcycle I traded for when I was fourteen so I could have a way to get around without relying on Mom.

"That'll be easy. I usually start it every few weeks and take it around the block so it should be good right now."

I laughed. "Bet that looked like a bear riding a tricycle. I want to swing by and take it for a spin."

"Why drive out here when you can just hop on Adam's hog?" He paused and laughed. "Damn, let me rephrase that."

I didn't even snicker. "Let's just say I'm never getting on that thing again."

Daddy switched into full on protective father mode in an instant. "What'd he do Liberty?"

"Don't want to talk about it Daddy."

"I don't care. You're gonna tell me over the phone or I'm coming over. One way or the other I'm finding out."

"Forget it Dad, it's my problem. I'm not a little girl anymore. My big scary father can't stroll in the room and make everything right. I got myself in this mess and now I'm getting myself out. I'm not saying anything else about it and if you come over I'll make sure I'm gone before you get here. Can we just talk about something else. Tell me about your car show. How'd big red do?"

Daddy sighed. "Is this why you asked about Nikki?"

"I don't want to talk about it Daddy. You have things you don't want to talk about and so do I. I love you, now tell me about the car show."

We continued to talk for another half hour or so and it was a pleasant, normal conversation and exactly what I needed.

I tried to call Ellie again because I needed her opinion badly, but sadly her call went straight to voicemail. I didn't even bother leaving a message.

With nothing left to do but think, I decided to get my car so that I would not have to walk over a block in heels, during the morning rush, to get it in the morning.

I didn't think I would run into anyone I knew so I tossed on pair of bright yellow running shorts and a tight bright green tank top and quickly pulled my hair into a high ponytail before heading out.

It was a beautiful day as I stepped out of the lobby. My stomach growled reminding me that I had not had anything other than a liquid diet for almost two days. I decided to stop off at the corner deli to grab a sandwich to carry back to the apartment for dinner. I smiled when I noticed Kevin walking out as I approached the door.

"Twice within three days, this has to be some type of record?"

Kevin's smile matched mine as I approached. "Hi Sara, yes it must be. You look much better today."

I smiled and placed my hand on his arm. "Thanks, I'm feeling better today. I apologize again for my state Friday but I truly appreciate you bringing me home. You were a life-saver."

Kevin emitted genuine warmth, "it was my pleasure. I’m glad I happened to be in the right place at the right time."

I smiled. "I’m glad you were too."

Kevin’s eyes lit with an emotion I couldn’t quite read as his eyes scanned my legs, which were largely uncovered. "You know, I still owe you a rain check for dinner."

I smiled shyly, "As flattered as I am, I’m not sure if that’s a good idea. I thought you had a girlfriend?"

Kevin raised both arms defensively. "No girlfriend for me, not my style. Look, I respect what you and Zeus have together. It wouldn't be a date. I would just love to hear some of your stories. I suspected you had some good ones before, but now I know you're bound to have some great tales."

I was not even close to being ready to jump back into the dating pool but he appeared to be sincere in his reasons for asking me out. "We might be able to arrange something but only if you share some of your stories as well. I bet you have just as many as I do. I'm sure the one about you being called away from a date because of an artist having a fit is a good one."

Kevin laughed, "Yeah, that one was good but I sincerely doubt that the rest of mine compare to yours. If you agree then I'll happily share the few I do have." He paused and looked at his watch. "I need to be going but it was great to see you and I'll call soon."

---

I settled in front of my television to watch a romantic comedy while I ate when my phone rang, I looked to see it Jane's smiling face on my display.

"Hi sis, where you been?" I asked as soon as I answered.

"I’m so sorry sis. Are you ok? Adam told me you broke up with him." Her tone led me to believe she only called for him and he didn’t tell her why we split.

Anger flowed over me as I replied. "I hope you he told you why."

"He did but you need to talk to him." Jane’s pitch sounded determined.

I’m not in the mood to relive the day for Jane’s benefit so I responded, "We promised no more secrets. You want me to talk to him after I caught him getting cozy with Nikki? It was good to hear from you Jane. Take care, love you."

I heard Jane drop the phone and yell a few obscenities before she picked it back up. "No wait. He didn't tell me that part. That little prick! I'm gonna kill him and then go find that bitch and yank every fucking hair from her head. Oh my God I hate her!"

I couldn't help but to laugh at her outburst. "Breathe Jane. Just breathe!"

Jane let an exasperated sigh escape. "What is he thinking?"

I sighed, "he's thinking she's the love of his life and the woman he wants."

"But she's not the love of his life, you are! I've seen it in his eyes! He never loved her like he does you. I don't understand. Are you sure that's what you saw? Could it have been completely innocent?"

Her questions made the anger from Friday come back full force. "Dammit I saw him kiss her hand and tuck some stray hairs behind her ear. I talked to them and threatened to kick her ass. Look at Adam's arm and see where I had to dig my nails in his arm to get him to let go of me."

Jane interrupted my rant. "How do you know it was Nikki though?"

"Hmm, let me see, really tall with blonde hair and blue eyes. Bitchy personality. Looks like she could be my kid sister. Oh yeah, she said 'nice to meet you, I am Adam's wife Nikki.' If this is how it's going to be I'm going to go. Take care Jane."

My words shook Jane as she started crying, "We can’t let what happened between the two of you effect us. Regardless of whether or not you and my brother are together you will always be my sister."

As relief washed over me my tears equaled Jane's. "Thank you. I know he's your brother and you love him so I think it's best if you and I don’t discuss him. I love you like a sister and it would kill me to lose you too."

"I feel the same way. I almost lost you once and won’t do it again."

I tried to steer Jane in a different direction. "How was your weekend?"

Jane sighed. "It was… eventful."

I knew she was talking about Adam and I so I changed tactics. "Have you seen the new Channing Tatum film? I'm watching it now. He's so hot."

"Well pause it. I'm on the way over. Unclick your deadbolt bitch."

I laughed, "yes ma'am."

Chapter Nine

A late night of watching movies made the next day feel longer than it was. I let Jill leave early and I ended up working late to get caught up on some work that I had let fall behind because of my wallowing in self pity.

My phone buzzed as I received a text from Jane.

"What are you up to?"

I immediately called her back.

"Whatcha doing?" Jane asked as soon as she answered.

I sighed. "What am I always doing these days?"

"Dang. You still at work?"

"Yeah. I almost done, I'll be heading home in about ten minutes or so."

"Good, you need to get out. You've been working too much."

"What did you have in mind? I need a drink after doing all these projections. Where are we going?"

"I was thinking you could come up here." Jane's tone changed slightly. "Adam's out of town trying to talk some band into coming here to perform and it's dead here so you won't be hounded."

"Remember, no more secrets."

Jane sighed. "You're right. He's out with Nikki I think. Either her or another slut he met around here. They all look alike to me."

"If you promise he won't show up I'll be there in an hour I just need to finish up then run home to change. Love you."

"I promise. Love you too, see you in an hour."

I hurriedly finished my work and shut everything down before locking up. As soon as I leaned in the door of my Mini to set my purse down I felt someone come up behind me and poke something hard on my side.

I froze as a man covered my mouth and pulled me out of the car. I panicked when a familiar voice said. "Nobody here to protect you now is there Bumpkin?"

I looked down to see it was a gun he had buried just below my ribs. "What are you doing Razor? Are you crazy?"

"Yes, crazy for ever letting you ruin my life. Seems my life isn't the only one you ruined either." He then yelled over his shoulder. "Isn't that right?"

I was stunned to see Nikki walk out from the shadows carrying a baseball bat. She smirked at me. "What's the matter Belle, surprised to see me?" She walked closer and slapped me with the fury of a woman scorned. "Doesn't feel good does it?"

With Razor holding me back she grabbed the bat with both hands and swung at my ribs causing me to fall to the ground. "You stole my husband and ruined my life."

I grasped my hand, which I sliced open on a broken piece of glass lying in the parking lot. I gasped for air as I looked up at her. "How did I ruin it? I've done nothing to you. You left Adam long before I ever met him. I can't steal someone you cast aside."

She kicked me while I was still lying on the ground. "Adam won't have anything to do with me anymore and everywhere I go people tell me how much I look like you. My life is hell because of you."

I had to cough up some blood before I could speak again. "No Nikki, that was your doing and I can't help it that we look alike."

I curled into a ball when Nikki raised the bat again to strike but Razor reached out to take it from her. "Enough. You've had your fun, now it's my turn. You go on home, I'll be there later."

Razor looked at me with a grin that caused me to fear whatever he had planned wouldn't be quick and painless. I began crying, "Please Razor, just let me go. I won't tell anyone. I'm begging you, just let me go."

His eyes were filled with such hate. "That's right bitch, you're going to be begging alright."

Nikki looked alarmed. "What are you planning to do to her? You said we were just going to rough her up."

Razor spun around and hit Nikki with the pistol he was holding, knocking her to the ground next to me. "I thought I told you to go home. If you don't leave you'll get the same thing she's going to get."

I whimpered, "Please Nikki, don't let him do this."

"I'm sorry" was all Nikki said as she held her face and ran off into the darkness from which she came.

Razor reached down and grabbed my arm dragging me to my feet. "Now then Bumpkin let's get you home and cleaned up."

I let our eyes meet. "Razor please don't do this."

Razor threw me in the driver's seat then quickly walked around to get in the passenger's side. He tossed my purse in the back before sitting down and shoving his gun back into my side. "Get going."

My mind raced and my breathing increased as I drove to the Terrazzo but the combination of fear and excruciating pain prevented me from thinking clearly.

I saw a cop car heading my way and my initial impulse was to swerve at it when Razor growled. "Do it and you're dead. Cooperate and you may just make it out of this alive."

I looked over at him again. "Please, just let me go. You don't want to get in any more trouble. I'll drop all charges."

Razor stared straight ahead. "It's too late for that. Dropping the charges won't give me my band back."

As I pulled up to my parking space an idea struck. I spun my Mini around and backed into Adam's spot hoping either he or Jane would come by to ask why I did it.

Razor grabbed my keys as soon as I shut the car off. I started to exit when Razor snatched me back, "Get your purse. I might need some things from it."

My next idea came when I reached in the backseat to retrieve my purse and saw the note Adam had left on my car after we split. I casually reached down and placed the note in the palm of my hand. As I stepped out of the car, I casually dropped the note next to the front tire and smeared my blood down the side of the car.

I let my hand fall beside me dripping blood as Razor pushed me to the elevator. He noticed the trail I was leaving and shoved the pistol back hard into my side. "Do something about that."

I looked over at him innocently, "What am I supposed to do? It's a bad gash."

Razor shoved me toward the elevator causing me to lose my balance and fall. "Take your jacket off and cover it up til we get to your place or there will be more than a drip spilled."

I pushed myself up leaving a bloody handprint on the floor that Razor tried smearing with his boot. The elevator doors open and he shoved me in, "Damn you're a stupid bitch. What floor?"

I tried to remain calm. "Fourth. Please just let me go and walk away. I won't say anything to anyone."

Razor's anger rose higher and he slapped me across the cheek. "Nice try. I'm going to ask you again. What floor?"

I reached for the panel trying to get to the buttons so it would open in the lobby before he snatched me back and cocked his pistol before placing it to my temple. "Last time. What floor?"

I started crying again. "Thirteen."

Once the doors opened again he pushed me out of the elevator and grabbed my purse pulling out my driver's license. "I don't trust you to tell me what unit."

I feigned losing my balance as he pushed me inside my condo and grasped the doorframe. He gave me a shove as my phone started to ring. I looked at him, "That's my friend Jane. I'm supposed to be meeting her for drinks. If I don't answer she'll know something's wrong and come by to check on me."

Razor considered what I said. "Answer it but so help me if you say anything you'll wish I just killed you.

I worked up a super friendly tone that I knew Jane would realize was fake. "Hey bitch, something's come up. I can't make it."

"Sis, what are you talking about?"

"Yeah, sorry about that I just had a better offer. Can I get a raincheck?"

"Are you okay?"

"No, Saturday won't work. I have visit my parents."

"What's going on?"

"I can't say Friday would work either."

"Where are you?"

"Sunday's are a definite no. I always stay home and veg out to get ready for the week."

Razor nudged me to end the call.

"So you're at home and in trouble?"

"Yeah I guess I'll need you to do something about that soon. I need to go. If you need me you know where to find me. Love ya."

I hung up and Razor took my phone and switched it off before throwing it across the room.

He led me into the kitchen pulled me in close and planting a deep kiss on my lips. Next he grabbed a knife from the counter and started using it to pop the buttons off my blouse. He put down the knife and grabbed my breast while still holding the pistol. "Damn you still look good. Why is it you aged so well and I didn't?"

I knew I just had to hold him off long enough for Jane to show up with some help. I didn't have the energy to physically fight him off. I knew with how I felt, he'd be able to do anything to me and I wouldn't be able to stop him. I hoped they would hurry because I was having trouble breathing.

"You remember the good times we shared? Remember our trip to Las Vegas?"

Razor's demeanor softened somewhat. "Yeah, that was fun."

I smiled. "And remember the string of luck we had at the blackjack table?"

Razor finally smiled. "Yeah you were always my good luck charm."

Suddenly his anger returned stronger than ever and he ripped off my top before using the knife to cut through my skirt leaving me standing in front of him in nothing but my bra and panties. "My good luck ran out when you did."

His eyes studied my body hungrily. "You do make a much better woman Sean, I could look at you all day long but right now I have other plans."

He pressed the blade into my breast sharply and started rubbing me through my panties with his free hand. I began to scream at the tops of my lungs when I fell to the floor.

I scampered to get away from him but he gripped my shoulders and started to shake me. "Snap out of it Sara. Your perfect world was just a dream. Welcome to your nightmare."

I started to open my eyes with Jane shaking me by my shoulders, "Snap out of it Sara. It's just a bad dream, you're having a nightmare."

I jumped backwards and rubbed my eyes. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to fall asleep."

Jane sat down beside me. "Are you okay? I was all into the movie and then you started screaming like something was wrong. I looked up and your eyes were closed but you kept talking."

I pulled my knees to my chest. "Just a bad dream. Thanks for waking me."

She looked very worried. "What was it about?"

I shook my head as chills ran down my spine. "Nothing important."

Jane took my hands in hers. "What happened to you in your nightmare? You sounded scared to death."

I shuddered as I tried to expel all memories of the awful dream. "I don't want to give it words so it can stay around."

"Do you need me to stay tonight?"

I shook my head again. "No I'm fine. These happen all the time. Nothing to worry yourself about."

"You sure? I don't mind."

I stood and moved to my bar to mix a nightcap. "I'm positive. Thanks for coming over tonight, it was fun."

Chapter Ten

The next morning as I was getting dressed I picked out my blue business suit to wear. I had not worn it since I let Adam talk me into changing my wardrobe for work. I made sure my hair was pulled up into a tight bun before I left. I did my makeup in a subdued manner that was fitting my internal feelings.

I noticed another note under my wiper when I reached my car.

Sara,
I was wrong and I now realize it. Please give me a chance to make it up to you. I miss you and am miserable without you.
I love you,
Adam

I turned his note over and started to write a reply. I wadded the paper into a ball and tossed it in the backseat of my Mini as I got in to leave for work.

Jill, my secretary, looked concerned as I entered the office. "Good Morning Sara, are you okay?"

I looked at her flatly. "Yes Jill I'm fine, why do you ask?"

My body language told her all she needed to know. "No reason ma’am. Can I get you a coffee?"

I nodded. "Yes please, and if Mr. Carson calls please inform him I'm busy."

Jill’s eyes widened in surprise. "Are you sure?"

I could feel my anger rising in her questioning me. "I wouldn't tell you if I weren't sure."

She quickly got the point and dropped her head. "Yes Ms. Collins. I'll be right back with your coffee."

Right before lunch I heard a commotion just outside my door. I stepped out to see Adam arguing with Jill. Jill was standing in front of his massive frame blocking him from coming to my door. Any other time this sight might be considered funny but not today. Today it was maddening.

My little secretary had dug her heels into the carpet and was pushing with all she had against his chest. "Adam, she gave me explicit instructions that she doesn't wish to speak with you."

Adam looked panicked. "Jill, I have to talk to her. I have to explain."

I spoke up causing both of them to jump. "There's nothing to explain Zeus. You made your choice and I believe it was the right one for you. Jill it’s okay. Thank you for trying."

I frigidly motioned toward my door. "Zeus, step into my office."

Jill stepped to the side as Adam rushed into my office.

Once the door closed Adam reached for my hand. I quickly pulled it away and told him to take a seat, which he did reluctantly.

"Sara, I'm so sorry. Nothing happened I swear." His voice was pleading.

I’m sure my anger at his lame excuse spiked as I spoke. "Zeus, I’m not blind. How can you possibly explain away what I saw?"

Adam looked in my direction but his gaze never reached my eyes "Stop calling me that. I hate it when use that name as weapon against me. We just met for lunch, she wanted to talk about the settlement."

He was lying, I could always tell. "Really? Do I look that stupid? You expect me to believe that nothing happened?"

He looked me in the eyes. "No, I swear to you it didn’t. She called me earlier and said she wanted to talk about the divorce without our lawyers. I'm desperate to start our life together, just you and me, so I agreed."

I leaned forward. "Nothing has happened between the two of you since we've been together?"

Adam shook his head violently. "No. You are the only woman I've been with since your birthday. I swear on my life."

Momentarily relieved, I stepped away from my desk. "I saw how you were looking at her. Do you really expect me to believe that was simply settlement talks? You kissed her knuckles and played with her hair." I turned back so I could see his eyes. "You are telling me that if I had not walked in you two would not have done anything?"

Adam’s demeanor stiffened.

"You know I can tell when you're lying to me so don’t make this worse than it already is."

Adam rubbed his neck then looked everywhere in my office but my eyes and did not utter a single word. My heart broke, as I understood his silence was an admission of guilt.

I sat collapsed in my chair when my knees buckled from his admission. I knew what I saw but the pain of him admitting it was something I wasn't expecting. My voice was soft as I asked, "did you go to lunch with the intention of something happening afterward?"

Adam shook his head. "No. I never planned on anything happening but we started talking and it was like it used to be. I had a single lapse in judgment but I'd like to think it wouldn't have gotten that far. I love you too much for that to happen. I know it's not what you want to hear but I promised to be honest.

I felt my tears start. "Why Adam? What have I done for you to do that to me? Why didn’t you just take her to Anthracite? Take her some place you knew I wouldn't be. Why did you have to take her on our bike? I bought that to show you how much I loved you. I thought you considered it as special as I did."

Adam once again looked me in the eyes. His own dark pools were overflowing with remorse. "About the bike, it was what I rode that morning. I had no idea she'd show up but I had to get her away from the club because Jane would've killed me. She's not speaking to me right now. You haven't done anything, Baby. It was me. I was scared."

I wiped away a tear. "Adam, I understand scared. I've been scared from the first time we met. I knew this day would eventually come but I stupidly let you convince me otherwise."

I sighed and caressed my temples before continuing. "Adam, I've always known you were too good for me. You're thoughtful, kind and the most gorgeous man I've ever laid my eyes on. I realized from day one that I was on borrowed time. The thing that confuses me is why give me a ring when you still yearned for her? Was it out of guilt?"

Adam’s gaze found mine. "I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you but I was scared we were drifting apart and I was losing you. I missed everything about you and suddenly I found myself looking into eyes I could almost convince myself were yours, even if only for a moment."

That was it, what little calm I had managed to hold onto escaped my grasp. My stapler flew past his ducking head and crashed into the wall. "Scared of losing me? What the hell? You have been the one pushing me away. Of all the lame ass excuses! So your idea of holding onto me is screwing your ex? How long has this been going on?"

My tears started flowing freely as I continued. "I’m sorry everything happened the way it did. You felt pity for me because of everything with Hunter and helped me the best way you knew how. I came on too strong and wanted to be everything you needed but I know it's not enough. You deserve better. I guess I should consider myself lucky I had you for as long as I did. It was longer than I deserved. Thank you for that."

Adam jumped up and ran around my desk to embrace me as I sobbed freely. "No honey, it’s not your fault. You're perfect. I made a stupid decision one time. I didn't plan any of that. I was missing your touch. I have no excuses for what I did. Can you please forgive me?"

I looked at him through my tears and pushed him away, "There's nothing to forgive. You did what was right for you. You do deserve better. Please go now."

Adam's tears started to flow. "No baby, you're what's right for me." He opened his shirt to reveal his bell tattoo. "See, you're on my heart. You always have been."

I recoiled from him and had an epiphany. "No Adam, that’s my point exactly. You love Belle. I'm not her! She's a phase I went through when I was young. So long as I gave you glimpses of her you were happy but after I was hurt you saw the real me."

I slammed my fist into my own chest. "You saw me, Sara, and how screwed up I really am. I understand your reactions. You became distant and eventually ran to the arms of someone younger and cuter. Think about it Adam you ran to the person you wanted all along, Belle. You're a good man, you deserve someone like Belle but I’m not her anymore."

Adam tried to pull me closer. "That’s not true Baby. It's you I love. It's only you."

I backed away and shook my head before burying my face in my hands. "I wish that were true Adam, but you don’t love me. Nobody loves me when I'm myself. You loved a person I was pretending to be. You weren't ready for a serious relationship and pity forced you into one. Will you please just go? This conversation's over, I'll give your things to Jane so we don’t have to see each other again."

Adams grabbed my shoulders. "Baby don’t do this, please don’t do this. Let me make it up to you."

I placed my hands on each side of Adam's face making sure he could look into my eyes. "Adam, I love you so much. There is absolutely nothing to make up for. You were able to reach me when I was unreachable. You found me in pieces and were able to put me back together. I doubt I'd have survived what happened to Hunter without you."

I placed my head on his broad chest. "I thought the sun rose and fell around you. I wish you could feel the love I hold for you but now I realize that's not enough. The only way I know to show you how much I love you is to let you go. Hopefully when you grow up and are ready, you'll be able to find a woman deserving of the wonderful man I know you can be."

I fought hard to keep my tears at bay as I kissed him lightly on the cheek. "If you love me as much as you claim then you'll go so that I can start picking up the pieces of my heart before the damage becomes too great. I can’t do this anymore. Please Adam, if you love me like you say, then you'll leave."

Adam nodded in resignation and he leaned over to kiss my forehead. "I do love you. I love you for who you are now. I will always love you and I'm not going to give you up." He stopped when he reached the door and turned one last time with tears still falling from his eyes. "I'll always be here for you. You only need to ask."

I threw myself on the couch and openly wept as the door closed behind him.

Moments after Adam left Jill lightly knocked on my door and entered before I had a chance to tell her to come back later.

"I'm sorry for interrupting but Mr. Moretti is on the phone and is rather insistent that he talk to you. I tried telling him you're in a meeting, but he said to interrupt you."

Embarrassed to have been caught mid-meltdown, I rose from the couch and straightened my skirt. "Thank you Jill."

"I was about to go to lunch. I was wondering if I could get you something while I was out?"

"Thank you Jill. Anything would be fine. I’m not picky."

Jill walked further into the office as I took a seat behind my desk and placed my head in my hands trying to psyche myself up so I could talk to a man who would be able to tell something is wrong unless I put a really good game face on.

"Would you like for me to cancel your appointments this afternoon?"

I managed a smile. I don’t know how I could survive at work without her.

"No, I'll be fine, thanks."

Jill returned my smile with one of her own. "Your next appointment isn't til two. Would you like to talk about it?"

I sighed knowing she was only trying to help. "Thank you, but no. I believe everything was said a few minutes ago and I have to take this call."

Jill appeared embarrassed as she rose from the chair. "Oh yes, I forgot. I'm sorry but please know that I'm here if you need me."

I need to give her a raise, I thought to myself as she closed the door behind her.

I took a deep breath and picked up the receiver. "Hey Gabe, to what honor do I owe this call?"

" Bellezza Mia, I've been worried about you. I tried calling you all weekend and you had your phone turned off. Is everything okay?"

"Yes, everything's fine."

Gabe sighed disappointedly into the phone. "See, that right there is the reason I don't like you being so far away. You think you can lie to me and get away with it."

I suddenly sat up straight in my chair like a scolded child. "What do you mean?"

"When we couldn't get you on the phone Anna called your madre and she told us what happened. She said you wouldn't tell her details so she had to call your cugino to find out."

Anger rose as I realized that Ellie had told Mom what happened and in return Mom told Anna who told Gabe.

Sounding more like a petulant teenager than a thirty-seven year old executive I sulked. "What do you want me to say?"

Gabe's anger matched my own. "I don't want you to say anything. I thought sending you there would be good for you but now I know it was not. I'm transferring you back here where we can keep you safe."

I jumped to my feet. "You can't do that to me. I've worked too hard for you to take it away on some silly notion that you think you know what's best for me."

"I can and I will. You are the closest thing to a figlia we have and we will do whatever it takes to keep you from harm."

"This won't protect me Gabe. I don't care if you believe you have some fatherly duty to look out for me. You're taking away the only thing I have left. If you try to transfer me I'll have to turn in my resignation." I started to cry. "You can't do this to me."

Gabe 's attitude softened. "I'm sorry but we both feel this is what's best. If you resign then I'll just close the office. I opened it for you in the first place. I want to retire soon and want you to run things here just like you do there. I'm not doing this to punish or hurt you. It's a promotion."

My tears continued to fall. "As much as I love and miss you both, my life is here. It would kill my parents for me to move away again. We are finally close and I don't want to lose that. I have formed some strong friendships here. Hunter is buried here. I can't move back. Please don't close this office, think of all the people who work for me, I mean work for you."

Gabe still didn't seem very convinced. "I don't know. I only want what's best for you. If you transfer then I'll keep the office open but if you quit I'll close it."

"I know you do but please, at least, think about it before you make any decisions. I can't move back now. My life is here."

He didn't cave, but at least he wavered and that was the best I could hope for at the moment. "I'll think about it. Ti voglio bene ragazza dolce "

I released a sigh of relief. "Thank you Gabe, I love you too. Send my love to Anna."

After hanging up I reached for my cell and walked over to the couch and collapsed. I needed to talk to Ellie but as usual she didn't answer.

I should have hung up with my mood being what it was but instead I lashed out to my best friend who had started avoiding me. "I don't know what's going on with you but this bullshit of not answering my calls is getting old."

I threw my phone across the room and sobbed into my pillow until Jill arrived with my lunch.

Chapter Eleven

After stopping off for a couple of drinks at the bar on the first floor of the Terrazzo I walked in my big empty apartment and was stunned to see it cleansed of any reminders of my temper tantrum over the weekend. Jane, who was seated comfortably on my couch, startled me. Times like these made me regret giving her a key when she first started staying with me while I was recovering.

"It’s about time you get home. I've been waiting here an hour so I picked up a little." She jumped up to hug me. "I'm so sorry about my idiot brother."

I giggled slightly, "Yeah, he told me you weren’t speaking to him."

Jane snorted. "Damn right I’m not. Especially after he finally told me everything. I can’t believe he did that to you. On the bike you bought him no less. I swear that boy has a body that won't quit and a brain that won't start. He knows he's on my shit list."

I pulled back from Jane. "You know you can’t stay mad at him. He's your only brother."

Jane sighed heavily, "I know that but I’m gonna to make him sweat. You were the best thing to ever happen to him and he blew it."

It was now my turn to snort. I knew she was only trying to be a good friend but how could she say that? "Oh please. I'm far from the best. Truth be told, us splitting up is probably the best thing for him."

Jane expression turned to anger. "You're starting to sound like that uptight bitch I've heard about. What have you done with my sister? I'm trying to see things from your point of view but I can't get my head that far up my ass. Where'd that confidence go? Where's that fearless girl I know so well?"

I shrugged. Adam was my confidence, his love made me feel invincible. "She left with the cute young blonde Friday at lunch."

Jane led me to the couch and sat down beside me. "Sis, don’t let him do this to you. You can’t do this to yourself. He’s not worth it. You need to make him pay for what he did. Show him what he lost. If you mope around and revert back to…," Jane then waved to the outfit I was wearing, "…this, then you've let him win. You can’t do that. You can have any man you desire, but you've let a few bad apples ruin the bunch. You believed the words of a few assholes instead the words of almost everyone around you."

I continued to look at her like she was crazy so she changed tactics.

"I want you to think about something. When you were being wheeled into your hospital room, how many people were waiting for you in the waiting room?"

"A lot."

She nodded vehemently, "Damn right. Do you think that many people would wait around for someone they didn't care about?"

I stared at my light beige carpeting. "They just had a morbid curiosity."

Jane gave me an angry glare. "No, that's not why. Hold on, I’ll be right back."

Jane walked to the closet in the spare bedroom and returned with both the banners from work.

"Do you think your coworkers from here and New York both would go through all this trouble for someone who was not worthy?"

I tilted my head slightly to the right. "They had to sign it since I'm a boss."

Jane sighed and stepped to my computer and brought up the link to the TMZ page featuring me. "Would you have won this fan poll by such a majority if you weren't beautiful?"

I shrugged again, "they were feeling sorry for me because I was in the hospital."

Exasperated Jane walked over to the bottom drawer of my desk and retrieved some of the ‘Get Well’ cards I received. "Do you think people would have taken the time to pick out and mail actual cards to someone they didn't adore?"

I threw my hands up in defeat. "Okay, okay I see what you're trying to do, but what am I supposed to think when the man I love runs off to be in the arms of a younger version of me? One that happens to be his wife?"

Jane allowed a victorious grin to cross her lips as she realized she was finally getting through to me. "You live your life and show him what he lost. Now come on, we need to get you ready."

I looked at her bewildered. "Ready for what? Don’t you have to work?"

Jane laughed, "it’s Monday silly goose, the club's closed. Axis music is hosting an album release party for one of their artists and we are invited."

I walked over to the bar in the corner and began to mix another drink. "No. The last thing I need is to spend the evening with a lot of music people. I have to fake being happy and acting like everything's fine all day at a job that wants me to transfer back to New York even though I don't want to go. I just want to wallow in self-pity for awhile."

Jane stormed over and yanked the glass from my hand. "Stop it. This ain't accomplishing shit. I'm sick and tired of seeing you pour yourself into a bottle every time the going gets rough."

I angrily grabbed another glass. "That's rich coming from the person who told me...," I did my best impersonation of Jane, "there ain't a problem that can't be forgotten at the bottom of a glass."

In an instant I felt the sting of Jane's palm across my cheek.

I grasped the left side of my face and stared at my friend in horror. "What the hell?"

With an anger I'd never seen before, Jane looked fiercely up into my eyes. "That was for you giving up. He's not worth it. You need to snap out of this and make sure you don't fall back into the habits you had the first night I came over here. Sis, you were a mess and I'll be damned if I'll let you get that bad again. I love you too much to let that happen."

I frowned at Jane. "But why tonight? I'm not ready for this."

Jane smiled and pulled me into a hug. "Because I have the invite for tonight. You're going to have to start living again sooner or later, so why not just get it over with. The longer you wait the harder it will be. Think of it like a band-aid, just a quick tug and it'll be over."

I sighed, knowing I had no choice. "Okay, but no playing Barbie with me."

"You've got a deal." Jane replied as she walked behind the couch and retrieved a garment bag I hadn't noticed before.

I put on very light makeup before carefully blowing out my curls until they sat in soft brunette waves that fell down my back before dressing in my mimosa colored shimmer tiered dress. As I sat on my bed fastening the leather straps on my Jimmy Choo’s I couldn’t help myself as I began to laugh.

Jane walked in and caught me laughing. She looked fantastic in her purple one shoulder taffeta dress and three inch black heels.

"What’s so funny?"

"I was thinking about how Ellie made sure to take care of my shoes for me when I got stabbed."

Jane started laughing as well. "Yeah, she brought them to me to make sure I cleaned them before the blood dried."

I stood up and twirled around. "So, what do you think?"

Jane whistled. "Damn, I believe that is by far the sexiest I've ever seen you look."

I laughed as I turned back to her. "Thanks, I believe the same can be said about you. You really should dress up more, it suits you."

---

"Can you believe this place?" Jane exclaimed as we entered the Meridian Lounge.

The Meridian Lounge was on the second floor of an old building that was once a flourmill. The lounge had a standing room capacity of 500, a state of the art sound system, and a back bar area that featured pool tables and booth seating. It had old brick walls covered with pictures of various musical artists and what appeared to be new hardwood floors.

"It sure looks different from the last time I was here." I responded with a grin.

Jane looked at me in surprise. "When were you here before? Different how?"

I laughed as I remembered the first time Annihilation played here.

"This place used to be such a dump. Downstairs was a total dive bar."

I pointed to a service elevator before I continued. "See that over there? This whole area used to be where the bands hung out and they'd take that elevator down. It used to be an open elevator, no walls or doors. It would descend right behind the stage. It was actually pretty cool because one minute the stage would be completely empty and the next the band would be dropping from the ceiling. After the band took their places, Gracie and I used it as a stage to dance behind the guys."

Jane started laughing. "I keep forgetting that you would've been here before."

A waiter walked by and offered both of us a glass of champagne as I chuckled. "That’s a good thing. Oh if this room could talk."

A male voice interrupted. "I bet it has as many good stories as you do."

I turned to look for the source. "Kevin! Okay, this is getting weird. Are you stalking me?" I asked playfully.

He greeted me with his boyish grin. "Hey now, this is my party. I'm hosting it for one of my artists so I believe it's you who's stalking me."

Kevin placed an arm around my waist and placed a chaste kiss on my cheek. "What a pleasant surprise. I'm very happy to see you Sara and I must say you look exquisite."

I extended my arm in Jane’s direction. "Kevin do you know my friend Jane?"

He nodded in affirmation as he grabbed her hand and placed a kiss on the back. "Of course, great to see you again Jane. You're looking beautiful as well. If you and Sara are here am I to assume your brother is close by?"

Jane scoffed. "No, he’s off somewhere doing his own thing."

Kevin’s eyebrows lifted in surprise and looked to me for confirmation. "You mean he's left his lady friend to fend for herself at an industry party? He must be starting to mellow with age."

Before I had a chance to respond Jane smirked at me wickedly then fueled the fire. "He no longer has a lady friend. Sara and I are here on our own."

The smile on Kevin’s face grew as understanding set in. "Oh, I see. That explains a lot. In that case would you ladies care to accompany me? I have some friends I'd like you to meet."

I looked to Jane with trepidation because I was definitely not ready to jump back into the fray. Jane gave me a dismissive glance before replying. "That sounds wonderful Kevin. Please, by all means, lead the way."

Kevin offered his slightly bent arm, which I hesitantly accepted as I ran my arm through his. He gently patted my hand as he started toward the main room. "It is nice to see you tonight Sara, you're going to have fun. I promise."

I could only muster a slight grin as Jane and I were led into the crowd.

---

During the next hour of mingling and polite introductions, Kevin showed me off as if I were a shiny new toy. Most people knew me immediately and I started the feel anxious, but Kevin never allowed my champagne flute to empty which helped with my nerves tremendously. I began to feel the effects as he led Jane and I to a couch in the back corner that was already full of celebrities.

"I would like to introduce my friends," Kevin said to everyone as he turned to Jane. "This is lovely lady is Jane Weitz, I believe most of you know her brother Zeus."

The crowd nodded in acknowledgement and waved politely toward Jane.

Kevin then rotated toward me. "And I doubt this remarkable woman needs an introduction."

I turned to Kevin with alarm.

The small crowd was all smiles and stood to greet me.

"Belle it's so nice to meet you. I had a poster of you on my wall," Ryan Deets, a famous country singer said to me as he grasped my hand.

"Please call me Sara," I replied nervously.

"Belle, you inspired me to become a performer." A singer named Lily Jones whispered in my ear as she hugged me.

"Call me Sara please. You're making me feel old." I laughed timidly.

"Belle, I always wanted to record a duet with you," Robert Jackson, one of my idols/celebrity crushes growing up, said.

"Please call me Sara. You're just trying to be nice but thank you. That would've been a career highlight for me." I replied.

"Belle, I'm glad to see you're doing so well. I was worried when I heard about what happened to you." Another young singer named Kelli Swain said.

"Call me Sara please. Thank you, I'm almost completely healed." I responded.

The platitudes seemed endless as I respectfully engaged everyone in conversation.

Jane was beaming as she stood by my side.

"If you'll excuse me ladies, I need to make sure everything is ready for the show" Kevin said before walking toward the stage area.

Lily offered Jane and I a seat, which we graciously accepted.

Lily had been a top recording artist for about five years. She was very petite with gorgeous long brown curly hair. Her eyes were the shade of chocolate and it looked as if she had a perpetual tan. She reminded me of someone but I couldn’t, for the life of me, place who it was.

"I can't believe I'm sitting here next to you. It’s so good to see you again." Lily exclaimed with glee.

I looked at her bemused. "Why do you say that? I’m nobody special."

Jane gave me her patented Tsk look as Lily stared at me as if I had grown another head.

"You're amazing. You have the voice of an angel and the songs you've written are beautiful. The thing I admire most though is that you were willing to give it all up to focus on your son." Lily placed her hand on my shoulder. "You've lived your life by your own rules. I hope to have that courage someday." She leaned in close so that only I could hear her. "Plus my brother Matt loves you."

My mind was racing. Her brother Matt… Jones? Holy Shit! I remember he had a little sister that I followed me everywhere but her name wasn’t Lily was it? I set back astounded. "Pickles?"

Lily looked nervously at Jane before she nodded her head and smiled shyly.

How could I not recognize her? I laughed and quickly pulled her into an embrace. "It's great to see you again! I just saw Matt a few weeks ago, he never told me."

Lily laughed, "I was still on tour then. We keep it a secret to protect his privacy. He worked too hard to build a normal life to have my fame ruin it."

I nodded, "I couldn’t agree more and James is great. I’m still gonna call your brother to let him know I don’t appreciate keeping you a secret from me. Heck I even asked about you and all he said was that you were in the business."

Lily giggled, "yeah James is wonderful. I told them both if we ever change teams, I'm going to steal him. Matt told me you asked but he also said you were going through so much that he wanted to just focus on you. He loves you like a sister."

I smiled wickedly, "I love him too but don’t tell him I know who you are. I'm soooo going to mess with him."

Lily laughed out loud. "Uh oh, I remember that look. Just make sure to call me afterward to tell me about it."

I nodded. "I will, I promise."

Lily hugged me again "Do you remember teaching me how to play guitar?"

I smirked, "I remember showing you some things hoping that you'd stop pulling all the strings off mine."

All three of us were laughing as we shared the story with Jane.

"Um, Excuse me, Belle?"

I looked up to see my musical idol standing in front of me.

I stood to greet him. "Yes Robert? And please, call me Sara."

"Sara, I was wondering if I might have a word."

"Of course, I’d be honored." I looked to my friends. "Excuse me for a moment."

Why would he want to talk to me privately?

Once we were a safe distance from everyone I turned to him. "What can I do for you Robert?"

He started to fidget before me anxiously. This six foot three inch man with his thick sandy blonde hair and gorgeous blue eyes was nervous around me. I felt like I had slipped into an alternate universe where everything was backwards.

"I'm supposed to sing a few songs tonight and I was wondering if you would perform ‘Out of the Dark’ with me?"

Oh man, my musical idol wants to perform one of my songs tonight. He wants to perform it with me? I used to dream of this moment but can I do it?

"Robert, I'm flattered but I retired years ago. I didn’t write it as a duet and plus, I’m afraid I would detract from your performance."

Robert smiled proudly at me. "That’s nonsense and we both know it. I saw the video from Anthracite and I refuse to take no for an answer. This is a small intimate gathering and I believe an acoustic version of your song would be beautiful. I've thought about it for years, ever since it came out. I even rewrote it to be a duet."

I clasped my hands in front of me and held them at my waist as I looked at the floor. "Robert, nothing good has ever come from me singing in public."

Robert placed a finger under my chin and tilted my head until I could look into his eye. "I've heard about everything you've been through, and I can see why you would think that. I give you my word nothing will happen. Don't think of it as singing in public, consider it playing for a small group of friends."

How could I say no to this opportunity? My only problem was I didn’t know his revised lyrics. "I'm flattered Robert, but I don’t know how you've arranged the song."

Robert’s smile grew wider as it appeared he'd already worked out the logistics in his mind.

"No worries. If you'll join me in the back we can go over it, my changes are subtle. It shouldn’t take us long to get it."

I smiled and found myself getting excited at the opportunity. I placed my hand on his shoulder, "you're very persuasive. Please allow me to tell my friends where I'm going. I'll be right back."

Robert nodded, "I'll be right here."

I ran back over to Jane. "You're not going to believe this. Robert Jackson wants to work on a song with me. I'm going to go work on it with him before he changes his mind, I'll be back shortly. Will you be ok on your own?"

Jane hugged me while she jumped up and down in her seat. "Of course I will honey. Go have fun. I'm gonna go scope out some hotties so I'll be around somewhere. Just come find me."

Chapter Twelve

"When I go out I'm supposed to play three songs. I will play my three but after the band leaves the stage I'm going to get a stool and sit in front of the microphone stand with just my guitar and start playing the first verse. I want you to walk out and start singing the second. Once you reach me you need to place a hand on my shoulder and continue to sing and we'll take it from there. How does that sound to you?"

I smiled like a schoolgirl with a crush. "Yes, that sounds great."

"Good, now let’s go over these changes. First off, the first time I'll sing the chorus alone but after that we'll sing them together…"

We discussed the changes he made and I suggested a few of my own which he agreed to and after about thirty minutes we had practiced enough to feel comfortable. When we felt completely confident with the song I walked back to my seat.

"That was quick," Jane said as I took my seat. "I kinda figured you meant you were singing with him tonight."

I wanted to surprise her along with everyone else so I squinched my nose. "Nah, he had an idea for a song and he wanted to run it by me to see if I had any ideas."

"Oh, okay. It’s pretty cool that he asked you."

I giggled. "I know, right?"

As Robert took the stage to perform his set I excused myself claiming a need for the restroom and made my way backstage to wait. The crowd was very enthusiastic and roared loudly after each song.

Once his band left the stage, Robert moved his stool to the front like we planned and he began to speak to the crowd.

"I hope you all will indulge me for one last song. I've always wanted to perform this ever since I first heard it."

With no further introduction he started playing the song I knew so well. The crowd erupted louder than at any point thus far. I always thought I performed the song nicely but his voice and slight adjustments made the song special.

"Night is closin’ around me

The cloud of loneliness is all I see

I wish someone could stop the pain before it starts.

Jack and Jim are my only friends

They are always there when my day ends

They always help numb me to the pain in my heart.

Try as I might

I can’t find the light

Will anyone lead me out of the dark?"

I stepped out on the stage to start singing and walked across toward him.

"I saw you from across the room

Just a glimpse made my heart bloom"

The crowd started going nuts as soon as a second spotlight found me. As planned, I placed my hand on his shoulder and continued to sing. The reaction from the crowd filled me with joy and I'm sure that elation was reflected in my voice.

"I could tell right away that you were the one

Who could lead me to the light.”

"I made my way through the crowd

I yelled to you but the music was too loud

You never saw me because you were focused on her.”

“I tried with all my might

But I can’t find the light

Only you can lead me out of the dark."

“The next night I found you on your phone

It sounded like you had a fight with someone named Joan

I just wanted to help.”

“I just wanted to be left alone.”

“Your mood was dark are weary.”

“Your approach had me leery.”

“I just wanted to help.”

“I just wanted to be left alone.”

“I tried with all my might

To help you find the light

But you wanted to stay in the dark.”

“I began to realize you only wanted to help me.”

“That was my intention it’s about time you see.”

“I just want some help

I no longer want to be alone.”

Together we sang the rest.

“It was when I finally kissed you

That my gray skies turned to blue

The sun shone bright around us

I was out of the dark.”

“I tried with all my might

And finally you found the light.

Together we walked out of the dark.”

Once we finished Robert hugged me and introduced me to the crowd, "Sara Collins, everybody!"

I was shocked that he didn't call me Belle. I was also stunned by the crowd's reaction as I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek as he led me from the stage.

"Thank you, Robert. I now have one more item I can mark off my bucket list."

Robert laughed. "It's I who should be thanking you. Your voice is beautiful and I'm honored you agreed to sing with me tonight. Would you consider recording it with me for my new album?"

His question caught me off guard. I had given all this up years ago. "I'm flattered, please let me think about it if you don’t mind."

Robert reached for his wallet and pulled out a card. "I understand, this has both my home and cell number on it. Please call me when you decide or call me if you don’t decide. How about this, why don’t you just call me, maybe we can write something together."

We both laughed as I thanked him again and left to find Jane.

Finding Jane was not difficult because as soon as I stepped back into the main room she launched herself at me.

"Holy Shit! You were amazing! I think I like that version better than the original. Why didn’t you warn me you were going to do that? You just said he wanted to work on a song with you, not that he wanted to sing your song with you."

I smiled wickedly at her. "It wouldn’t have been a surprise if I told you now would it?"

Jane laughed. "No, I guess it wouldn’t have. That was way cool!"

I noticed something as we walked through the crowd back to our seats. Nobody was calling me Belle anymore. Everyone was congratulating Sara. Jane noticed it too.

"Feels weird doesn’t it?"

I looked at Jane confused "What does?"

"Having Sara receive the accolades instead of Belle."

I nodded. "Yeah, it really does but it’s nice."

I think Jane understood what I meant but wanted to hear me say it. "Nice how?"

I thought for a second. "For the first time in my life I was not in some type of costume. I didn’t have heavy makeup and wild hair or a skimpy dress to hide behind. It was just me. Just Sara up on stage singing and it felt great. For the first time in my life the real me is being congratulated."

Jane was giving me her ‘I told you so’ grin before getting one last jab in. "Sooooo what you're saying is… I was right earlier with everything I said. Go ahead and say it. ‘Jane you are so smart’."

I laughed and bowed at my waist towards her. "Jane is so wise, Jane is so smart. What would I do without my Jane?"

Jane started laughing again and pulled me into another hug. "I love you girl."

"I love you too."

Jane chuckled to herself as if at some internal joke.

"What’s so funny?"

Jane shook her head. "I was just thinking about what a dumbass my brother is. He'll die when he hears about this."

I laughed too. "I don’t want him to die, per say. Maybe suffer inscrutable pain and agony, but not die, never die."

My pain and heartache was turning to anger apparently.

I think the alcohol was getting the best of us because Jane found my remark far funnier than it actually was. "There's my smart ass Sara, I've missed you. Come on, my glass is empty."

We found Kevin waiting with two new flasks when we returned to our seats.

"You were amazing up there Sara. You and Robert should record that."

I smiled warmly, "yeah, he asked me about that. I told him I'd have to think about it."

Jane started choking on her drink. "He did what? You mean you didn’t already say yes?"

Kevin smirked at both of us. "I think it’s a wonderful idea. I believe I like that version better than the original."

Jane slapped his hand, "I told her the same thing. Help me talk some sense into her, she’s about as bright as a firefly in the fog sometimes."

Kevin laughed at Jane and I knew I needed to jump in or else there was no telling what the two of them will concoct for me. "Look guys, I had fun up there. I performed with an idol of mine, but I have a business to run. I’m not going to give that up."

Kevin had a fierce determination in his eyes. His expression told me he was not going to let this go easily. "I understand. I'm not proposing you drop everything and go on a world tour. I'm only suggesting a few hours in a recording studio. Robert hasn't had a solid hit in years and I believe this song would do it for him."

Denoting the reluctance that had not left my eyes, he paused to take a drink before he continued. "Sure, we have other artists in our stable that could perform it with him, but what I just witnessed on stage was magical. You two have a chemistry that’s impossible to duplicate. One song, one video that's all I am asking. I understand you have an agency to run, and I'll be more than happy to work around your schedule. Please at least consider it and don't dismiss this out of hat. This could jumpstart your career as well as his."

He had just given me a lot to think about and this was not a decision to be made lightly. I rubbed my neck before I looked back up at him. "Kevin, I'm slightly drunk and the high of performing is still coursing through my veins. I've done the fame thing and it's not something I aspire to do again. Please allow me time to think with a clear head before I give you a decision."

Kevin smiled and nodded his head as I turned to Jane. "Sis, I make the same request from you. Please, no more mention of this tonight and no hounding me for at least two days. Deal?"

Jane nodded her head wildly. "Deal!"

The next two hours flew by as Jane, Lily, Kevin and I shared stories. One in particular had everyone in stitches…

"One year Bellero was up for a Video Music Award and a good friend of mine whose band was also up for an award thought it would be sweet to bring his fifteen year old sister as his date."

I cut my eyes toward Lily who started to laugh and blush as I continued. "I've never seen someone so excited to be somewhere in my life. Pickles, as we called her, was in heaven. Her brother Matt couldn't stop laughing every time she nudged him and pointed out somebody famous. Poor guy had the patience of Job that night."

"After it was over we all went to an after party hosted by one of the entertainment mags." I looked around at everyone. "As you all know, the alcohol flows rather freely at those things and somehow Pickles managed to get her hands on a drink. I can't remember what it was she was drinking and have no idea how she got it. All I remember is that it was purple."

Without thinking Lily piped up, "it was a Grateful Dead. The guys from Buckley's band gave it to me."

Everyone at the table turned to stare at Lily. She looked in my direction expecting me to continue my story, not even realizing she'd just outed herself.

I laughed as I patted her knee. "No Lily, this story's about Pickles. Remember?"

"Shit, I guess the secret's out." Lily said as she looked at the group.

Jane smiled. "You ain't gotta worry about me. I found out earlier."

Kevin was dumfounded. "Your brother is Matt Jones?"

Lily and I nodded.

Kevin feigned offense. "Now Lily you should know by now that I'd never tell your secrets. You cut me deep."

Lily slapped him on the shoulder. "I know, and thanks." She turned back to me, "I want to hear the rest of this. I don't remember much of that night."

I laughed. "Where was I? Oh yeah. After the drink you started to get a little wild and Matt couldn't handle you anymore. He bribed me into watching you for the rest of the night. I was happy to do since Razor was being an ass anyways."

"When was he not an ass?" Lily interjected.

I nodded. "Touché. You were a handful bouncing all over the room talking to everyone as if they were you their best friend. I was actually having fun and met a few really nice people I probably wouldn't have ever met if I weren't babysitting you. Things were good til I noticed you looked like you were about to be sick. I grabbed you and rushed you to the bathroom. We almost made it too."

Lily put her head in her hands. "Please don't tell me I threw up on someone."

I started laughing again as her eyes widened and she asked. "It wasn't anyone important was it?"

Kevin leaned forward. "Who was it?"

I grinned wickedly at Lily. "It was just London Jenner."

Lily was mortified. "I did not throw up on her. Please tell me I didn't do that."

Jane laughed. "Miss prim and proper diva extraordinaire?"

I nodded with a smirk. "One and the same."

Lily slammed her glass on the table. "I don't believe you."

"Call your brother if you don't believe me. After you turned her white dress into a purple tie-dyed looking creation, we rushed you out the back door and Matt took you back to his place. All the tabloids claimed London was a drunken mess that night because of her appearance. She tried to tell people what happened but because everyone you met liked you and you were gone, and I denied it, nobody believed her." I started laughing even harder. "I bet she still hates me to this day."

"Oh my God." Lily exclaimed and beat her head in the table a couple of times. "We work together doing advertisements for a cosmetics company. If she ever realizes who I am, it's not going to be pretty."

After our raucous display of laughter a few other people joined our group and the stories, as well as the alcohol kept flowing til about 2 a.m.

It was a fun night from beginning to end. It was exactly what I needed and I barely thought of my heartache at all until I stepped into my bathroom once I got home. I reached for my toothbrush and saw Adam's beside it. Suddenly the pain was as great as it had been when I had woken up that morning.

Chapter Thirteen

Jill was smirking at me as I entered the office the next morning.

"Okay, spill it Jill. What's going on?"

Jill spun her computer monitor around so that I could see it. "You made TMZ again."

I gasped. "Again? How?"

Jill looked at me like I was an idiot. "You perform a duet with a country legend covering one of your own songs and you don’t expect it to get out?"

I blushed. That was kind of stupid on my part. "What'd you think?"

Jill beamed at me, "it made me cry. It was so beautiful."

Jill hit play and one thing that stood out was that it was very high quality. It didn't appear to have been taken from a phone or even from the crowd perspective for that matter.

"Can you come into my office please?"

She followed as I stepped into my office and closed the door as soon as she entered. "Jill, I trust you not to repeat what I'm about to tell you. Can I have your word that this conversation stays between us?"

Jill nodded her head vigorously. "Of course. You have my word."

I smiled knowing Jill was one of the most trustworthy people I had ever met. "Robert asked me to record that song as a duet for his new album."

Jill’s eyes bugged out as she gasped. "You're going to do it aren’t you?"

I shrugged. "I don’t know. I’m worried how New York will react."

Jill took a seat and motioned for me to sit beside her on the couch. "I don’t think they'll have a problem with it. Remember they're an hour ahead of us so Mr. Moretti has already called this morning. He seemed to see this as a positive, just as he did when everyone found out about your past."

I smiled at Jill. "I don’t know what I'd do without you, which is why I'm happy to inform you that I received an email confirmation yesterday. I'd like to know if you'd be willing to become my personal assistant?"

Jill didn't try to hide her confusion. "I thought I already was."

I explained. "In many ways you are, but on paper you're my secretary. In this company an executive personal assistant makes twenty five percent more than a secretary does."

Jill’s eyes lit up with understanding as she jumped up and hugged my neck with tears overflowing. "Oh thank you Sara, thank you."

"You're welcome, you deserve it. Thank you for everything you've done. I'd be lost without your help."

Jill resumed her seat and wiped her eyes. "Will my duties change?"

I walked over to my desk and retrieved a company credit card from my purse. "I am going to teach you everything I know so that you can move up when you are ready. Plus, I may need you to attend a few functions with me." I waved the card at her and grinned. "So we'll need to buy you some appropriate attire. Care to go shopping during lunch?"

Jill jumped from her seat again, "are you serious right now?"

I smiled and nodded.

Her arms wrapped around my neck while tears of joy fell from her eyes. "Oh thank you so much, you have no idea what this means to me."

"You're welcome. I guess I need to call Mr. Moretti to gauge how he feels about me recording a duet."

Jill bounced toward the door. "I'll get him on the line for you."

"No thank you, Jill. I'll do it."

Jill stopped just before exiting and turned to face me. "I said it once and I'll say it again. You are the coolest boss ever!"

I dialed his direct line that only a select few even knew existed.

"Hi Gabe. Jill told me you've seen the video." I said as soon as he picked up.

"Yes, you looked beautiful and happy."

Even though Gabe couldn't see it, I smiled. "I was happy. It was like a dream come true to have him sing my song as a duet."

"It made Anna cry. She had no idea you had such a beautiful voice."

I found that hard to believe. "Surely she's heard me sing before."

His voice was adamant. "No, we both agreed that we'd never heard you sing before."

"What about from the night I was stabbed?"

"We couldn't bear to watch it knowing what happened afterward."

"Surely I sang around your house?"

"Not that I can remember hearing and your voice is unforgettable."

It saddened me that two of the people dearest to me had never heard me sing before. "Thank you. I'm sorry I never sang for you. They want me to record it. How do feel about that? I promise to not let it interfere with business."

He adopted a neutral pitch. "Is this what you want?"

"I think so. I'm not sure, which is why I called you. I need your advice."

His voice was so full of the love he held for me. "I've never seen such joy in your eyes as when you were singing. It's the first time I've seen your eyes sparkle since you lost your dear boy. You know all we want is for you to be happy and it is obvious singing makes you happy. I think if it is something you want to do then do it."

My voice filled with the same love he was showing me. "Thank you Gabe. It means a lot to hear you say that. Have you decided on what you are going to do with this office yet?"

"You are welcome. No, Anna and I are still discussing it."

"Please don't close it. I'll buy it from you if you'll consider selling it."

"I'll keep that in mind. Ti voglio bene."

"Thank you. I love you too."

After talking to Gabe and getting his blessing, I called Kevin.

I was greeted with a cheerful voice. "Hi Sara, great to hear from you."

"Hi Kevin, I wanted to call and let you know I've reached a decision."

Kevin sounded surprised. "Oh, so soon? What have you decided?"

"I've decided to do it, provided we can arrange everything in a manner that doesn't interfere with my job."

"Like I told you last night, I'm more than willing to make those concessions. I'll have my lawyers work up a contract and send it to you ASAP. Since I don’t foresee any issues I'll go ahead and schedule the studio time. I'll get back with you when I know something."

"Thanks Kevin, I look forward to it."

He hesitated for a quick moment. "Would you care to grab some lunch to celebrate?"

"I can’t today, I already have plans."

Kevin sounded hopeful. "How about dinner tonight?"

I paused trying to decide if it’s a good idea or not.

He sensed my hesitation. "Sara, this would be a business dinner. I know you recently experienced a break-up and I understand you're not ready for anything or anyone. Consider this as a label exec taking out his newest artist for a celebratory dinner because in truth that's exactly what this is."

I mulled his words and while often Kevin’s eyes had told me he would like more, he'd never been anything but a complete gentleman towards me.

"Sounds great Kevin. What time should I meet you?"

Joy was evident in his voice. "I'll send a car to pick you up at seven. Is that ok?"

"Seven it is Kevin. See you then."

As soon as I hung up my cell started to ring. I looked down to see Matt's wonderful face that I snapped on his last visit.

"Hey boyfriend. I was about to call you."

He chuckled. "Hey girlfriend, I saved you the effort. Guess what I'm looking at?"

I laughed. "I can guess. What did you think?"

"I loved it. How did you end up at an industry party?"

"My friend Jane knows some people."

His voice took on an edge of concern. "I thought those type things scared you?"

I laughed again. "They used to, but my secret's out now so I don't have to worry anymore."

"I didn't think about that. Meet anyone famous?"

I saw this as my opportunity to get my friend. "Yeah, a few people. Most were nice but this one girl was a total bitch."

Matt sounded excited. "Oh gossip. Who was she?"

I did my best to sound angry. "That country singer Lily Jones. God, she was awful. She was all 'I thought about doing that song on my album but decided on something better written.' I hate her."

Matt's excitement evaporated. "Are you sure it was her?"

I worked hard to keep from laughing. "Oh yeah especially when she kept referring to herself in the third person."

"She did what?"

"Yeah, she was like Lily needs another drink, Lily's next album will be huge. She kept it up til I finally snapped on her."

Adams voice carried a combination of dread and annoyance. "Snapped how?"

"She was telling a story about something and Jane asked her a question. She looked at Jane like she was an idiot and then insulted her asking who let the riff raff in. You know how protective I can be."

Matt actually sounded scared. "Yeah I do."

"I jumped across and grabbed her and told her to say she's sorry. She said Lily Jones apologizes to no one, so I slapped her."

I thought Matt was about to cry. "Please tell me you didn't do that."

"Yeah and then she had to nerve to say she was going to tell her brother on me. I was like go ahead and tell him. What can he do all the way in California?"

Matt started laughing. "Damn, you got me."

I laughed along with him. "Good, you should have told me she was in town but I understand why you didn't."

Matt took on an apologetic tone. "I'm sorry about that. So why were you gonna call?"

"Believe it or not I'm heading back to the studio to record that duet with Robert. It's going to be the first single off his new album."

"Seriously? Is Adam cool with that?"

I had to fight to keep from crying again. "Um yeah, we split up."

I received a very shocked sounding, "What? Why?"

"Not gonna talk about it and ruin my mood. I just wanted to share my good news with you."

"I'm happy for you girlfriend. We're going to be in town the end of this week. We need to go out to celebrate." I knew he would also want the deets on Adam.

I looked forward to seeing my dear friend. "I'm there, just let me know when and where."

"I'll call as soon as we get to town."

I noticed Jill come to the door excited to go to the mall. "Sounds good. I need to get going. I love you boyfriend."

"Love you too girlfriend."

While shopping with Jill, I decided to splurge and buy myself a new dress.

I bought a beautiful plum colored halter dress that featured ruching and draping detail. Jill agreed that I needed the dress, not that I required any real convincing.

Jill was having a great time spending the company’s money and I was enjoying spending some of my own.

We were walking toward the food court when Jill suddenly froze in front of a high-end dress shop and started staring in the window.

"You see something you like? We can go in if you'd like."

Jill never broke eye contact with whatever it was she was staring at. She was almost breathless as she spoke. "Lily Jones is in there."

I walked closer and looked in. "So she is. Let's go say hi."

Jill dug her nails into my arm. "I can't go in there. She's like, famous, and probably doesn't like to be bothered."

I laughed and dug in my purse for a pen and paper. "I wonder if she'd give me her autograph?"

I grabbed Jill's hand and drug her into the store as I yelled out. "Oh my God it's Lily Jones! Can I have your autograph?"

Lily looked up quickly in panic before a hint of a smile crossed her lips when she saw me. "What's this I hear about you calling me a bitch?"

I laughed as I released Jill's hand and hugged Lily. "I guess you've talked to Matt?"

Lily smiled. "Yeah, he said you got him." She looked around me and noticed Jill. "Who is your friend?"

"Oh I'm sorry. Lily this is Jill Abernathy. She's my personal assistant."

Lily walked over and took Jill's hand in hers. "Very nice to meet you Jill."

Jill was obviously star-struck, but she managed to smile warmly. "Nice to meet you too. I'm a huge fan."

Although they finished greeting each other their hands remained intertwined as Lily spoke. "Thank you, I'm happy to hear it."

I interrupted their greeting. "Matt says he's coming to town this week?"

Lily turned back to me. "Yeah, he said we're all going out. How's Thursday for you?"

I nodded. "I can do Thursday, I'm looking forward to it."

Lily smiled at Jill. "You're welcome to join us."

Jill's eyes widened in surprise. "Thank you very much."

After buying a few new dresses and business suits along with some shoes for Jill, and a few outfits for myself, we strolled out to the parking lot with our purchases. I was laughing as Jill bragged on herself for maintaining her cool so well in front of Lily. I wasn't about to burst her bubble and say anything to the contrary.

The smile on my face faded as Adam’s blue Evoque drove by. Luckily he didn’t see us but I'd seen him and he looked miserable.

My good mood evaporated immediately and pools started to form in my eyes. I'd done so well trying to take my mind off him and the damage he'd done. My renewed confidence disappeared at the memory him flirting with someone so young and beautiful.

"Are you ok? I don’t think he saw us." Jill had noticed Adam drive by as well.

"I’ll be ok Jill. Thanks."

Jill looked at me with concern. "I hope you consider me as much of a friend as I consider you. If you want to talk about it I'm a good listener. What happened with you two?"

I wiped away a stray tear. "You know I had to meet David Reid for lunch at Baxter’s Friday." Jill nodded that she did. "When we walked in I found Adam in the back corner with a beautiful young blonde, a beautiful young blonde that happens to be his wife, a beautiful young blonde that happens to be his wife and that I have a feeling might be a half sister I never knew about. If that wasn't bad enough, they were being very friendly with each other."

Jill pulled me into a hug. "I'm so very sorry. You deserve better."

I returned Jill’s hug. "Thanks. I try not to think about him, but every once in awhile my emotions get the best of me, so please excuse these outbursts. I do rather well so long as I don’t see him or I’m not alone. I really thought he was the one."

Jill nodded knowingly. "My grandmother always said ‘Men are like a fine wine. They start out like grapes, and it’s our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you’d like to have dinner with.’ I think we need to go stomp him." She gave me a hug. "Just remember I'm here anytime you need to talk."

I laughed. "Thanks."

Chapter Fourteen

I stepped out of the lobby wearing my new dress at seven expecting to be greeted by a limo or something of the like. Instead I saw Kevin’s black Infiniti. As soon as Kevin stepped out of the car to greet me with a friendly hug I caught sight of Adam’s Evoque out of the corner of my eye. I could tell he had spotted me while waiting at the light.

Seeing this as an opportunity to stomp a grape like Jill suggested, I returned Kevin’s hug warmly and planted a chaste kiss on the very corner of his mouth knowing full well that from Adam's angle it looked as if I kissed Kevin full on the mouth before he opened the passenger side door for me.

With no small amount of satisfaction I looked at Adam as he drove by while Kevin walked around the car to take his seat. I’m not sure what I expected to see but the depth of hurt that I witnessed sent a chill down my spine. No matter what he'd done, I still loved him. I could never trust him again but it was childish and petty to purposely try to hurt him.

Oblivious to my inner turmoil, Kevin sat down with a smile and asked, "are you ready?"

I nodded before inquiring, "where are we going?"

Kevin’s smile widened, "I have reservations at Fitzgerald's."

I felt almost giddy. Fitzgerald's was a Mediterranean-influenced bistro cuisine restaurant with what I considered the best food in town. This would definitely not be a salad only night for me. They also featured an excellent live jazz bar that could always be counted on to provide a nice relaxing atmosphere.

Knowing where we were going immediately lifted my disposition. "I’m always in the mood for jazz."

---

After ordering a bottle of their finest wine Kevin looked across the table at me. "In case I forgot to tell you earlier, you look stunning."

I blushed at Kevin. He looked rather stunning himself in what I could best describe as a power suit. It was solid black lightweight wool and he'd accompanied it with a white shirt and red tie. The man-child I'd grown to expect whenever I saw him was gone, replaced by a man who could be the subject of many women's fantasies.

"As do you. I don’t think I've ever seen you dressed so well. You clean up rather nicely."

Kevin smirked at me. "Why thank you. I figured this is a celebration so I dressed to impress."

I smiled brightly. "Well, consider me impressed then."

Kevin raised his glass and I raised mine to match.

"Here’s to you, Sara. May our business relationship be a lasting one."

I clinked my glass to his. "Here Here!"

As I took a sip of the delicious wine I couldn't help but to notice quite a few people looking intently at us and whispering amongst themselves. "Um Kevin, is it just me or is everybody staring?"

Kevin looked around to see what I was talking about. "Yes I believe they are."

Suddenly self-conscious, I sat up a little straighter. "I didn't realize you were that famous."

Kevin almost choked on his wine from a sudden burst of laughter, "I'm not. They're staring at you. I'm just your arm candy for the night. Surely you've experienced this before?"

My face registered surprise at his comment. "Not in years, and before my fans were more vocal when they saw me. The thing is, I was usually with a group who were just as or more famous than myself." I gazed around the room. "I can’t remember ever being the most famous person in the room. This is weird."

If things were like this now, what would they be like when the single was released?

Kevin smiled and lightly patted my hand. "You better get used to it because I think you are about to become very recognizable again."

"How big do you think this will be?"

Kevin replied without hesitation. "Huge."

I felt a headache coming on so I began to rub my temples hoping to hold it off. "I’m not sure if I'm up for this. How soon would you like to get in the studio? You better schedule it quick before I lose my nerve."

In a surprising and slightly unnerving move, Kevin stood and walked around the table to massage my shoulders. "Saturday at the latest. We need to strike while the iron's hot. Believe it or not, radio stations have already started playing excerpts from the video that’s posted online. Almost every station in the country minus talk radio and gospel has posted links to the performance on their websites. We're up to almost a million views already."

If not for his nimble fingers gently erasing my stress I might have freaked out a little.

This was about to get crazy in a hurry.

---

As we walked from the restaurant to the bar I smiled at Kevin. "That was wonderful. Thank you."

"Yes it was, and you're very welcome" Kevin’s expression was warm as he led me to a table in the corner with his hand resting on the small of my back.

I took my seat and something I wondered about earlier came to mind. I decided to ask him about it. "How did the video of Robert and I get out already? I saw it this morning and it didn't look as if it was from just some random Joe Shmo out in the crowd."

Kevin’s grin was rather smug. His look was one of a man very proud of himself. "We leaked it. I arranged a camera to record the entire concert. Thank goodness I did too. Your performance caught everyone, myself included, by surprise." Kevin’s haughty expression changed to concern as a thought entered his mind. "It didn’t upset you did it?"

I thought about it. His explanation made sense. Did it upset me? I've had a lot of emotions today but I don’t believe upset over the performance being leaked was one of them.

I tasted a sip of the wine that had just been brought to the table before responding. "No, it didn’t. It just caught me by surprise. I'd like a DVD of it though, if it’s not any trouble."

Kevin’s body relaxed as he leaned back. "Good, I'm glad. I’ll have someone drop a copy off to you tomorrow. That performance last night was unexpected and it was magical. Robert, while a legend, doesn't generate the interest he used to."

Kevin paused and placed his hand over mine. I know it should have bothered me the way he gently stroked the back of my hand with his thumb but I didn't even realize he was doing it at the time. "You're a star who walked away from it all while you were on top to never be heard from again. It's sad to say but your stabbing has generated a lot of interest in you. A lot of your fans have gone country so they'll flock to this. I see this as a real opportunity for everyone involved. The crossover appeal is through the roof."

I took a large drink of my wine while I absorbed everything Kevin just said.

We were interrupted when a very attractive brunette woman wearing deep crimson colored cocktail dress approached me. "Excuse me for the interruption Belle, but I was wondering if you would like to sing a song with us tonight?"

I smiled graciously. "Please, call me Sara. And you are…?"

The woman smiled back. "My name is Sherry."

I sat my glass back on the table and offered my hand. "Nice to meet you Sherry. Thank you for the kind offer but I'm not sure my voice is suited for jazz."

Sherry laughed as if I had just told a joke. "I believe your voice is suited for anything."

Kevin decided to add his two-cents. "Come on. Just one song, it'll be fun."

I sighed. "I don't even know what to sing."

Sherry's face brightened, "How about 'It Had To Be You'? You know, you could dedicate it to Zeus."

Before my filter had a chance to kick in I blurted out. "Oh hell no."

Sherry looked horrified. "I'm sorry. I just assumed…"

Before she had a chance to finish her sentence Kevin interrupted. "How about 'What Is This Thing Called Love'? It's perfect for your voice."

I looked at Kevin incredulously. "No songs about love. Period."

The three of us contemplated for a few moments trying to come up with a song and kept coming up blank.

Resigned, I leaned back in my seat. "I'll do 'What Is This Thing Called Love' I know it by heart so it would be the easiest."

Sherry appeared excited but I knew Kevin was concerned. "Are you sure? You don't have to do this."

I ignored Kevin as I looked at Sherry, "Can I play piano as well or do you just want me to sing?"

"You can play if you'd like. Fred won't mind."

I smiled. "That sounds great. Just call me up when you're ready."

Sherry's smile grew wider. "Thanks so much for doing this." She turned and walked away before I could respond.

Kevin repeated his earlier objection. "You know you don't have to do this."

I shook my head. "Yeah I do. The club is filling up. Everyone in here saw Sherry and I talking, and will know that she asked me to sing. How would it look if I said no?"

"It would look like you just wanted to have a nice quiet evening."

I sighed. "No it wouldn't and you know it. If you want this song to succeed then we need all the positive PR we can get. You know full well I understand the business side of music, so how would it look to have someone run off to a tabloid saying how that I was a bitch and refused to sing when asked?"

Kevin nodded, "the record exec side of me agrees but the friend side has reservations. I just wanted to give you a nice relaxing evening to get your mind off things."

I grabbed his hand, "and you have. Thank you."

Sherry and the band came on stage and began to perform. I must admit, Sherry had an amazing voice. I started to regret my decision if it meant I'd be sandwiched between her performances.

After her third song, Sherry called me up to sing. I took my seat at the baby grand and poured my heart into the song. I don't know how but I didn't break down while singing. I came as close as a person possibly could without doing so especially when I sang I saw you there one wonderful day you took my heart and threw it away. I performed with as much emotion as I had when I sang my farewell with Bellero. The main difference being, this time all the emotions were negative.

I was not prepared for the reaction I received. As soon as I played the last note the crowd stood to applaud with many wiping away tears. Sherry walked up and embraced me as she whispered in my ear. "I'm so sorry for whatever it is you're going through but it's going to work out."

Moved to tears by her, as well as the crowds, support I smiled as I lifted a tissue to dry my eyes before finding my way back to my table.

Kevin stood as I approached. "That was amazing. I'm glad I couldn't talk you out of it now."

I laughed as I took my seat. "Thanks. I can't believe I got a standing ovation."

Kevin shook his head. "You have no idea how you affect people."

I looked at him puzzled. "What do you mean?"

Kevin waved his hand dismissively. "Nothing. Never mind."

I decided to let it drop and enjoy the wonderful music that was being offered.

The rest of our evening was very enjoyable. Kevin and I discussed that there would be someone shooting our time in the studio for possible use in a documentary about the making of Robert's album. We also discussed scheduling time to shoot a video. Once the talk of business concluded we mainly sat in a comfortable silence enjoying the atmosphere the club provided.

---

I checked my phone after I sat down on my couch upon returning home. I had one missed call from Ellie, two from Jane, two from Mom and five from Adam.

I called Ellie first.

"Hey girl, where ya been? I saw your video, that must have been awesome." Ellie said as soon as she answered. Something about her voice was off and it worried me.

"I had dinner with Kevin. Thanks, I wish you'd been there last night. It was awesome."

She sounded surprised and slightly condescending. "Dinner with Kevin? Damn girl, it didn’t take you long to get back on the horse."

"No, it wasn’t like that. It was business. We were discussing a recording contract. They're going to release the song as Robert’s first single off his new album."

Ellie gasped. "You're kidding me?"

"Nope. I'm going into the studio Saturday morning to record it. They want to release it soon."

"Oh my God! I'm so happy for you."

"Thanks, I figure I may need a back-up career since Gabe is wanting me to transfer back to New York."

Ellie's voice became frantic. "You're not going to leave me again are you?"

I tried reassuring her. "No, I told him I'd quit if he tried to force me, but he says he'll close down the office if I do."

She sounded angry with me. "Sounds like he's not leaving you much choice. You're going to have to move."

"Not without a fight. I like you being close." I wanted to change the subject so I did. "Before I forget Matt and his boyfriend will be in town Thursday and want to go out. Want to come with?"

Ellie hesitated. "Uh, I'm not sure but it sounds like fun."

Her reaction perplexed me. Ellie was never one to miss a good party. "What's going on? Why do you say it like that?"

Her further hesitation frightened me. "Have I done something?"

"Yes and no."

"What does that mean?"

"Greg took my car in to get it checked out and his mechanic said it was like a new car. Almost every part on it had recently been replaced. Would you know how that happened?"

I knew from her voice she knew what I did. "You know the answer why are you even asking? I didn't want you to be stranded anywhere."

"It's wrong to do that without even asking plus you embarrassed Greg."

I started to get angry. "Why did that little weasel get embarrassed?"

She started screaming in the phone. "Don't you dare say anything about him. He planned on doing something sweet to make sure I was safe and couldn't because you did it. He takes care of me and prevents me from sabotaging myself."

She was talking nonsense and it was only making me angrier. "I'm sorry I hurt his precious feelings, but if it meant I didn't have to worry about you breaking down in the wrong part of town and something happening to you, then I'd do a hundred times over. I don't give a flying fuck what he thinks or feels so long as you are okay."

Ellie was around back then to deal with me in the aftermath of an over eager 'Samaritan' making me repay his 'kindness' with my body. "I didn't think about what happened to you. I'm sorry but you should have told me."

"You'd have just gotten mad anyways. There's something else going on with you. Why have I suddenly become the bad guy here?"

"Greg found out about me flirting with everybody at the retro party and thinks you're a bad influence on me. He almost dumped me over it."

"Me? How did I influence anything you did?"

"You called me to tell me my ex was there and wanted to see me. I told him you weren't planning on hooking us up but he said ever since you came home we've had trouble."

"What did you say?"

"I told him I'm a grown woman and anything that's happened had nothing to do with you."

"What did he say?"

"He doesn't believe me. I love him more than I've loved anyone. You might move back to New York and I'm not as young as I used to be. What would happen to me if I dropped him and you moved away again, leaving me on my own? It happened before in L.A."

I suddenly became defensive. "I begged you to move with me. You didn't have to be on your own."

Ellie voice filled with contempt "My life was there. I had already uprooted to follow you once. I wasn't going to do that again."

Condescension filled my voice. "I respect that but don't make it sound like I made you follow me and then abandoned you cause I didn't. If I remember correctly you begged me to let you move in with me not the other way around."

Ellie sounded even angrier. "Greg is my last chance for a really good man that I love who loves me back. I think it might be a good idea for us to not hang out for awhile."

My disdain remained. "I don't like him, haven't liked him from the first time I met him and I don't trust him. He's trying to isolate you and soon he'll start hurting you."

Ellie's anger returned in a rush. "That's rich, so you're gonna try to project your issues with men on me? Fact is I love Greg, and you've made it obvious you can't handle it. He was right all along. You are angry, bitter and want to bring everyone around you down so that you can make yourself look good."

My body started quaking and I couldn't control the shuddering sobs coming from my mouth as she hung up on me.

After I was able to calm down, I called Jane. I knew she was at work but being Tuesday I figured it was slow enough that she could talk for a few minutes at least. It baffled me how a night that started out so great, could go from bad to worse so quickly when a very deep male voice answered.

"Hey there."

I hesitated before I replied, "Hi, where's Jane?"

Adam sounded happy to hear my voice. "She’s busy right now. I've tried calling you all night."

I responded coolly, "I know, I saw. Tell Jane I called please."

Panic seemed to take hold of him as he said, "No wait, I need to talk to you. I saw your video today. You were fantastic. I wish I'd been there to see it live."

"No, you don’t need to talk to me Adam. We've already said all we need to say to each other." I huffed.

Adam begged. "Please Sara hear me out!"

Stay strong, Stay strong he deserves better.

"Adam, why are you doing this to me? You made it clear that you can find someone superior to me. I’m sure if you look around your club right now you can find two or three women who are better than me and more than willing. So stop doing this to yourself."

"I love you, Baby." Adam whined.

I felt myself weakening as my tears started to flow again. "I love you too Adam, which is why I have to do this."

"Do what?"

I hit end on my phone. After talking to Adam I was in no mood to talk to Mom because she would know immediately something was wrong so I grabbed a bottle from the bar and headed to bed.

Chapter Fifteen

A little after midnight I felt someone tugging on my toe. I shrieked and curled up into a ball when Jane came into focus.

She then sat beside me on the bed. "Another nightmare?"

I nodded and reached for the bottle of Jack I left on the nightstand but it was gone. "Before you ask, no I don't want to talk about it."

"I'm sorry for scaring you. After I realized Adam had taken my phone to intercept your call I knew you'd never answer your phone if I called so I had to come by. I promise you, I had no idea he did that. I hope you know I'd never set you up like that. He’s been acting weird since you two split but he was crazy today. One of the guys asked about you, saying he heard you two split."

"Then Adam overheard the members of the band setting up saying how stupid he was to fuck things up with you. A few minutes later he left the club in tears but returned after an hour screaming about seeing you get into Kevin’s car. He's completely lost it. He said you kissed Kevin."

I rubbed my eyes and sat up. "I didn’t think you'd set me up like that."

Jane looked at me with concern. "Where did you go with Kevin?"

"We had a business dinner to celebrate that I agreed to record the duet with Robert. I saw Adam at the intersection when Kevin greeted me. I kissed him to mess with Adam. It was an innocent kiss as he hugged me." I felt my tears start up yet again. "I just wanted to show Adam how much it can hurt but I think it hurt me more because it broke my heart to see the pain on his face."

Jane rubbed my leg. "Well sis, you had the desired effect. He told me tonight that he now recognizes how much he's hurt you. He said he knew the pain you suffered was worse because you never did anything to deserve it. He's finally realizing he brought all this on himself."

I start sobbing, "oh Jane, I never wanted to hurt him. I love and miss him so much but I don’t trust him anymore. How can I be with someone I don’t trust?"

Jane pulled me in for a hug. "A relationship can’t survive once the trust is gone. Maybe you can find some way to trust him again one day. I'd hoped you two would end up married and I really think he learned his lesson but I understand why you wouldn’t take him back."

I buried my head in Jane’s shoulder before I spoke again. "I want him back so much it hurts. Even if he didn't want that woman there's too many temptations at the club every night, it would drive me crazy if I took him back. I'd be wondering who he was making plans on hooking up with. I can’t do that to him. I can’t do that to myself. If I took him back I'd just be right back where I am now sooner or later."

Jane patted my back as I cried. "I don’t blame you at all. Can I crash here tonight? I don’t feel like driving home."

"You know you're always welcome here."

"Good, I’ll be right back."

Jane grabbed a nightshirt from my dresser before disappearing into the bathroom for a few minutes, once out she climbed into my bed.

"Scoot over."

"What? Why? I thought you were going to sleep in the guest bed," I said in shock.

"Nope sis, I still want to find out about your duet and I figure you don’t need to be alone. Especially if you have another nightmare."

After a moment I looked over at Jane, "you know I'm going to be afraid to call you now don’t you."

Jane appeared worried. "I know sis, I've been thinking about that. I’m not sure what to do about it." She started laughing.

"What is so funny?" I asked.

"I was just thinking about the look on my brother’s face after I threw a full mug of beer in his face after he told me what he'd done."

I started giggling. "No you didn’t!"

"Yeah I did, I was so mad at him. Actually I still am. He's my brother and I love him dearly but he's so wrong in this that I can’t back him."

I sighed, "I don’t want to come between you two."

Adam and Jane were all the family each other had. Their sister then their parents died a few years back and Jane’s husband was killed while he was serving in Iraq. She'd never truly gotten over his death. I would never be able to forgive myself if I was the reason they stopped speaking to each other.

Jane smiled at me. "I know you don’t, and don’t think for one second this is your fault. It’s not. I know you know that he almost died in that accident coming from the show we saw you at. The thing is, ever since then everyone in the family babied him. In a lot of ways he's still a spoiled brat. He's so used to me supporting him no matter what but I just can’t support him right now. He's wrong on every level. Now he's tried to involve me by stealing my phone. I know in time I'll get past it but now isn't the time. I’m still pissed at him."

I stayed there thinking about what Jane told me. I felt horrible that they were fighting but I couldn’t think of anything I could do to help.

Jane interrupted my thoughts when she started talking again.

"Have you signed anything yet with Kevin?"

"No, my lawyer is looking it over. Why?"

"Mind if I look it over too? I used to be Adam’s manager so I might be able to squeeze some perks in for you."

I laughed. "Are you offering to be my manager?"

"No, I am offering help to my sis."

"Would you be my manager?" I asked. "I can’t think of anyone I trust more than you."

"I'll be happy to act as your manager but I refuse to let you pay me."

Argh! She never lets me pay her for anything she does for me! "Sis, you know money's not an issue for me. I’d be happy to pay you."

Jane appeared surprised. "No, I didn’t know that." Her expression returned to one of determination. "But the answer is still no. You can’t pay me."

I pouted. "If I can’t pay you then I don’t want your help."

Jane glared at me. "How many times have you helped me with advertising?"

I sighed, "that’s different."

She was adamant. "No it’s not. It was you using your knowledge to help me. Well this is me using my knowledge to help you." She poked me in my chest to emphasize her point.

I groaned, "you've dug your heels in haven’t you?"

She smiled victoriously. "Damn straight. So can I get a copy of the contract or not?"

I grinned in defeat. "Yeah, I'll get you a copy first thing in the morning."

"You don’t have to, I'll call Kevin and have him send me a copy. I'll take care of everything. You just be super ad exec tomorrow."

"I love you sis."

"I love you too. Go to sleep." Jane said as she turned over.

"Dang, you've been my manager for all of two minutes and you're already telling me what to do." I slapped at her butt.

Jane hit me with her pillow as I reached over and turned off the lamp on the nightstand.

No matter what I did I couldn't find sleep. Jane noticed and turned on the bedside lamp. "What's wrong sis?"

"Ellie dumped me"

Jane sat up slightly. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Greg thinks I'm a bad influence on her, he says I bring everyone down to lift me up."

Jane sat straight up the rest of the way. "Wait til I get my hands on that little fucker."

I shook my head. "No, he has a point. I was the one who made her think moving to L.A. was a good idea with all the stories I'd tell her. I also was the one who got her a job stripping for the first time and coached her through it. Maybe I do bring everyone down. I mean look at you and Adam, I'm the reason you're not talking to him. I don't mean to do it but I'm a bad influence."

Jane became serious. "I'm not speaking to my brother because of what he did, not what you did. Ellie is trying to shift the blame for her own fuckups. Did you hold a gun to her head and make her move?"

I shook my head.

"Did you hold that same gun to her head and force her to take her clothes off?"

I shook my head again.

"If I remember right, she laughed as she told me how mad you were when she told you she was going to work there. Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you ask her to move to New York with you?"

I nodded my head.

"Then I don't see the problem. Everything she's ever done in her life has been of her own doing. I have not once heard you try to blame others for the mistakes you made in your life."

She was wrong, I did blame someone, but I couldn't talk about that tall brunette bitch.

"She yelled at me and hung up. She says I'm projecting, but I think he's isolating her and will end up hurting her somehow. Razor started just like this."

Jane sighed. "I'm sorry sis, she'll come around. You know how we are when we're in love. We tend to forget about our friends over a man til we really need them."

"I'm not like that."

Jane moved until we were face to face. "Really? Who abandoned all her friends because of a man and moved to New York?"

Suddenly becoming defensive, I tried to back away from her. "I didn't move because I was in love in with a man."

Jane rolled her eyes. "Oh, so you didn't move to the opposite end of the country and break off any contact with anyone, close friends included, who would remind you of a certain man?"

I started to cry. "Shut up. You're supposed to be making me feel better. Not making me feel like a bigger piece of shit."

Jane sighed. "I'm not deliberately trying to make you feel bad. You're a great person and if I point out where you made mistakes before maybe you won't do it again."

I cut my tear stained eyes toward the only friend I had left. "You're afraid I'm going to take my boss's offer and move back, aren't you?"

I saw a tear twinkle in the light of the lamp as she nodded her head silently.

I didn't want Jane to be troubled so I knew I had to cheer her up. "I've already decided I'm not going anywhere so you don't have to worry. If I want to work again I can always find another job even if it means waiting tables at some sleazy rock bar or singing at a jazz club. They seemed to like me."

Jane laughed. "You promise?"

I made the motions as I said. "Cross my heart."

"And hope to die?"

"I'll even stick a needle in my eye if it will make feel better."

She started to giggle and I could tell her mind was sufficiently eased. "Good. Don't worry about Ellie, she'll come around. Now you need to get some sleep."

I laughed and shoved her away. "Jeesh, so bossy. I think I'm gonna have to fire you."

Chapter Sixteen

I walked into my office the next morning to the sight of Jill sitting in front of her computer crying. I rushed to her side. "What's wrong? Is there anything I can do?"

Jill smiled as she wiped away a stray tear. "Nothing's wrong at all. I'm great actually. I was just watching a video and it made me cry."

"What were you watching?"

"One of my favorite singers performed at a jazz club last night."

I dropped my head. "Damn, not again."

Jill laughed. "Yep but this time the quality's nowhere near as good. The sound quality is excellent but the visual is slightly blurry."

"How do you find all these things about me so quickly?"

Jill blushed. "I, um, kinda have you set up as a Google alert. It notifies me anytime anything's posted about you."

I laughed. "Just let me know if they post anything you know to be a lie."

Jill nodded. "Sure thing."

---

"All you need to do is place your Joan Hancock on all the places I've marked and you'll once again be a recording artist," Jane explained as she placed the contract in front of me.

I signed my name so many times my hand wanted to cramp up.

"Did I get them all?" I asked once I reached the final page.

"I think so. I've already checked on your schedule with Jill and you've got an appointment with a stylist this afternoon at three-thirty and then you need to be at the studio at six," Jane advised me with a grin.

I looked up at her with surprise "I didn’t think we'd be in the studio til Saturday."

"They're shooting the video Saturday and Sunday, they got some bigwig director who is only available this weekend and they need to get you in the studio before then. This thing's blown up bigger than a whale's butt and radio is clamoring for the single. Nobody expected the reception it's received. Almost every station in the county wants it. Kevin told me that God Almighty called him yesterday asking for it." Jane leaned back in her chair and her excitement was transparent. "This is gonna be one of the biggest crossover hits ever."

I leaned forward into my hands, "This is all happening so fast, I haven't had time to think. Am I doing the right thing? I mean, do I really want this?"

Jane stood and walked to my side as her tone became somber. "While I was at Axis this morning Kevin showed me a video from last night."

I nodded. "Yeah, Jill told me there was one out there."

"Are you okay sis?"

I slumped down in my chair. "No, you know full well I'm not."

Jane reached over and grabbed the contract I'd just signed and held the corners in each hand. "Are you sure you're up to this? I mean I can just tear this up right now if you're not? "

I yanked my contract from her hand. "Don't you dare! I need this. You know me well enough to know that if I didn't have this right now I'd be buried in a bottle somewhere. I cope by drinking and I think singing is a better alternative. I'll still wake up alone but at least this way I won't have a headache."

Jane sighed, "I knew you've been hurting but I thought you were handling it as well as could be expected til I heard the pain you released when you sang."

I placed my arms on my desk and buried my head in my hands. "I'm good if I can push it out of mind. It just hurts when I'm alone, or something reminds me of him, which seems to be most of the time. Right now music helps me forget. I'm doing the right thing aren't I?"

Jane sat on the corner of my desk next to me "I think you are. You have a gift and it'd be selfish of you not to share it with others. As for you not being able to think, I believe that's a good thing. You over think things, so…" Jane grabbed the back of my chair and spun me around the room. "Why don’t you relax and enjoy the ride."

Being pushed around the room had me laughing loudly. "I think this is going to be a wild ride."

Jill walked in with a handful of mail and started laughing at us when she saw the scene in front of her.

Jane leaned into my ear. "Yep, you go have fun and let me sweat the small stuff."

I was still giggling when I addressed Jill. "What can I do for you?"

"I was wondering if you needed me to accompany you tonight to the stylist?" Jill looked hopeful.

"No, that’s not necessary." I saw Jill’s expression fall. "Unless… you'd like to join me?"

Jill smiled and it became obvious how excited she was about everything. "Thank you Sara, thank you so much!"

Jane smirked in my direction and I looked over and mouthed, "video shoot?" Jane nodded.

"Jill, would you also like to go with me to my video shoot Saturday?"

Jill dropped the mail she was bringing me. "Can I really?"

Her excitement was contagious. I found myself starting to get keyed up about everything as well.

"Jill, you know the title ‘personal assistant’ is for work related things but if you wish, you can come along for anything else I do. I don’t mind at all and since you technically are my ‘PA’ it won't be an issue whatsoever to get you in."

Jill’s squeal was deafening as she ran around my desk to hug me. "Oh thank you Sara. You're the best."

Jill appeared to be walking on air when she made her way back to her desk.

"I think you just made her day" Jane commented as Jill closed my office door. "She'll come in very handy too."

I smiled thinking of Jill’s enthusiasm "She’s good. I don’t know what I'd do without her. If she proves to be as helpful as I think she will, and doesn’t just stand around watching, I'll have to start paying her to accompany me to all these things."

"Yeah," Jane nodded in agreement. "That might be a good idea."

"Oh, subject change" I uttered as something I'd been thinking about popped into my mind. "I have an idea about how to know if Adam has your phone or not."

Jane looked intrigued. "Do tell."

"How about," I began telling Jane my plan, "I text you before I call to ask ‘what time will you be ready?’"

Jane interrupted me, "and I can just call you. Sounds good and I'll text you the same then you can call me."

I paused because I had a much more cloak and dagger plan in mind but hers worked.

Jill walked back in. "Sara, Mr. Moretti is on line one for you?"

I quickly picked it up. "Gabe, you know I have a cell phone you can use."

He laughed. "I know but I like to keep your employees on their toes and I pay for this phone. Your personal assistant will tell others I call often and people will think I am keeping a close eye on things."

I laughed. "You pay for my cell phone too you know."

He began to laugh as well. "Yes, I guess I do."

"How is Anna?"

"She is well. We are planning a trip to the homeland soon so she is very excited."

"That's fantastic. I bet it will be great to see family."

"Yes but sadly there are fewer around to see these days."

"I'm sorry Gabe."

" Non ti preoccupare piccino."

"What do you mean don't worry? I always worry about those I love. What can I do for you?"

"I saw another video and I wanted to check on you. Finally you sang a song I know and your voice was so bellissima but so full of pain. Are you okay little one? It pains my heart see you like that."

"Yes, I'm fine. I'm sorry seeing me like that hurt you but a break up is painful. I have to endure some stormy days to appreciate the sunny ones but l'amore e il supporto aiuta." I explained how his love and support helps me though everything.

"You always call me wise one but you are just as wise lovely girl."

"Thank you Gabe. You honor me with your kind words. Have you made any decisions yet?"

"Is there any way I can convince you to come back and take over?"

"No, I'm sorry. My life is here now." I cut my eyes toward Jane. "I'd feel like I was running from my problems and abandoning my friends and family if I did. If you taught me anything it's to face my tribulations head on. Where would you be if you moved back to Italy as soon as you and Anna ran into trouble?"

"You have me there child and I respect that. I'll let you know soon what I decide. Ti voglio molto bene."

My voice softened to almost a whisper. "I love you too. Send my love to Anna."

Jane spoke as soon as I sat the receiver back in the cradle. "They really care about you. I saw that when they came to visit."

"Yeah, and I them. They became my surrogate parents when I moved out there. I wouldn't be where I am right now without those two lovely people."

Jane started to laugh. "It's so funny listening to you talk to them. It's like you have your own language."

I joined Jane in laughter. "Yeah, they slip in some Italian from time to time. They sometimes use it when they don't want others to know what they're saying, and other times Gabriel does it just to mess with people. He likes to keep his employees on their toes. It took forever to learn but it was so funny when I did."

"One day he and Anna were talking about me in Italian about how Anna thought he needed to promote me to a position that was open in the company. He told her I wasn't quite ready. I interrupted them in perfect Italian and told him I was ready for anything his company had to offer. I was promoted the next day."

Jane smiled. "Oh. Subject change. I can't get off Thursday."

I frowned, "Dang, that sucks. I was hoping you'd be there."

"I know. I want to go but Adam already has plans. He's meeting with some people and said it was important."

I scoffed. "He probably has a date with Nikki and doesn't want to disappoint her."

Jane sighed. "I doubt that's the reason but you never know with him lately."

Chapter Seventeen

As I was leaving the office Thursday I looked at Jill. "You want to just meet at my place at seven and share a cab? That should give us enough time to get ready."

Grabbing her purse from the bottom drawer of her desk, Jill looked up. "Yeah, that sounds great. Any idea what you're wearing?"

I held the door open as Jill walked through setting the alarm. "Not yet but I've done enough retail therapy the last few days that I think I'll find something."

Three days this week Jill and I had spent our lunch hour shopping. I had a wide variety of clothes suitable for after hours now.

Jill waited as I locked the door. "What about that deep plunge dress you bought?"

I shook my head. That dress was bought on a whim. The self-deprecating mood I'd been in since Friday would never allow me to open myself up for judgment by wearing something so sexy. "I'm not sure I want to show that much skin tonight. I'm thinking casual."

As we made our way to the parking lot Jill turned to me as she pulled her hair into a ponytail. "What about that turquoise scoop neck mini with a cute pair of jeans?"

I nodded as I unlocked my Mini. "Yeah, that sounds cute. I may try that, thanks. Any idea what you're going to wear?"

Jill grinned as she jumped in white 1988 VW Golf convertible and let the top down, I couldn't help but notice the back seat was full of boxes. "It's a surprise. See you at seven."

On the way home my phone rang, I hit the screen to transfer it my Mini's bluetooth. "Hey girl. We still on for tonight?"

Lily responded. "Of course, I've been looking forward to it all week. Is Jill still coming?"

"Yeah, she's meeting me at my place around seven and we're going to catch a cab to wherever we're going."

"No need for a cab. We've rented a limo for tonight."

I laughed. "WooHoo, the perks of partying with a star."

"Shut up. You're every bit the star I am."

"Whatever Miss Country Artist of the Year. Where are we going?"

Jill laughed in an evil manner. "It's a surprise. It's Matt's idea."

I sighed into the air. "Dang, everybody's full of surprises today. Jill won't tell me what she's wearing and now you won't tell me where we're going. I think I should be afraid."

"Yeah, you probably should be but just relax it'll be fun."

I pulled up to the red light at the corner of the Terrazzo. "If you say so. I'm about to turn in my parking garage so I need to let you go. Call me when you guys get close and Jill and I will meet you at the street."

"Will do. See ya, bye."

"Bye"

At ten minutes til seven Jill arrived. I let out a wolf whistle as soon as I opened the door. My shy, quiet and dependable personal assistant stood before me dressed in a bright red ruffled top halter mini dress. It was low cut down the front, so low that I could see that she had a navel ring. She had also gained five inches of height from her silver platform pumps.

There was no possible way this beauty was ever a man.

I gasped as I looked upon her teased honey blonde locks and her blue eyes popped with the mascara and eyeliner she applied. Her lips shone with the same color as her dress.

She definitely outdid me in my turquoise scoop neck mini, black jeans and black knee high boots. I didn't mind that my hair was only done in a cute messy ponytail because I loved the fact that Jill felt comfortable enough around me to let herself shine.

I hugged her. "Look at you! No wonder you didn't tell me. I'd have never believed it."

Jill smiled as she walked in and twirled. "You like it?"

I made my way over to the bar in the corner and pulled out two glasses. "I love it. You look fantastic. Would you like something to drink?"

Jill nodded, "A vodka and cranberry if you have it. It's not every day you get to party with a star." A horrified expression crossed her face. "I mean two stars."

I laughed as I mixed our drinks. "You had it right the first time. No wait, you might have heard of Matt or James."

Jill walked over to the bar. It was obvious she was too nervous to sit. "Who are they? Where are we going?"

Jill took the drink and downed it quickly as I shrugged my shoulders. "Lily's brother and his boyfriend. I have no idea where they're taking us. Lily said it's a surprise."

I was about to fix Jill another drink when my phone rang. "Hey, you guys close?… Good, we'll meet you at the front door." I hit end and looked over at Jill who had already grabbed her purse and was standing at the door waiting on me. "A little anxious are we?"

I grabbed my purse as Jill held the door open with a shy smile.

As we waited on the sidewalk I laughed as the limo pulled up with Matt and James hanging out of the sunroof.

"Hey hot stuff, how much for a good time?" Matt yelled.

A few people walking up the sidewalk turned to stare when I yelled back. "For twenty dollars I'll make you holler, big boy."

Lily opened the door and stepped out looking fabulous in a white mini cap sleeve dress. The black belt she wore accentuated her tiny waist and her black five-inch heels were the perfect finishing touch. "Hey guys, wow Jill you look fantastic."

Matt and James stepped out looking scrumptious. I couldn't help but to laugh since Matt had on a tight plain turquoise tee and black jeans that were just as tight as his shirt. James had on a black long sleeve silk shirt and black dress trousers. I ran over and gave them both a huge hug.

"Great to see you both." I motioned for Jill. "I'd like you to meet my friend and personal assistant Jill Abernathy. Jill this is Matt Jones and James Pasch."

The both greeted Jill with hug as if they'd known her all their life. Matt smiled warmly. "Great to finally meet you, we've heard so much."

Jill appeared to be relaxing after they made her feel so welcome.

Lily gave the impression she was embarrassed for some reason as she punched Matt in the shoulder. "Are we ready to go?"

As Lily and Jill entered the limo first I looked at Matt. "I'm glad you're wearing jeans too. I was starting to feel out of place."

James laughed as he started to climb in. "I knew you two were close but this dressing alike is making me worry."

Matt slapped my ass making me yelp. "She's my sister from another mister. We can't help if we both have excellent taste."

Once in the limo I looked over and Lily settled in next to Jill on one side and Matt and James had settled in the other. I took the seat in the curve so I could see everyone easily. "Now will someone tell me where we're going?"

Lily laughed. "Can I tell her?"

Matt nodded and Lily leaned in. "We're going to Out."

Jill nodded knowingly and smiled while I looked at Lily with confusion. "I know we're going out. Where are we going?"

Jill laughed, "No Sara, the name of the club is Out."

"Oh okay. What kind of a club is it?"

Lily's grin told me there was something everyone else knew that I didn't. "It's a lot of different clubs in one. It has a dance club, a country club, a piano bar and a show bar."

I set back and laughed as realization set in. "Oh, why didn't you just say so? Why all the secrets?" I punched Matt in the arm. "You're gonna make them think I've never been to one before."

Matt laughed, "because I know how it drives you nuts to be surprised." He turned to James, "Sara used to help me sneak out on tour and we'd hit up the different clubs in whatever town we were in."

I shoved his shoulder. "Sometimes it sucks to have a friend who knows me so well. I used to love going with you. I mean all those hot guys to dance with and I didn't have to worry about their intentions. They were always the nicest guys I ever met. You know I have to watch the show."

Matt smiled. "Of course, and from what I hear there's a part of the show you can't miss."

Out was located in the warehouse district and in a previous life had been a community playhouse. A beautiful fountain greeted us just outside the front door and a spacious lobby lined with pictures of many gay icons greeted us once inside. We received the VIP treatment upon arrival. Oddly enough though, it was I who was getting the majority of the attention.

I looked at the pictures as we made our way to the bar. I stopped when I saw a picture of me circa 1998. Matt stopped with me. "What's wrong?"

I pointed to the picture. "There's a picture of me. Why would there be a picture of me among all these icons?"

Matt laughed. "You really don't know do you?"

"Know what?"

Matt turned to Jill and Lily. "Can you two find us a table? We'll be right behind you."

When the girls walked away Matt grabbed my hand and led me to a couch. "You remember the song you wrote about my struggles with telling everyone?"

I nodded. "You mean You Be You? Of course I remember it."

"Once you walked away you never looked back did you?"

I shook my head sadly. "No, it was too painful."

"After your second album was released the response was enormous. It started being played in clubs around the country. It was even remixed into a dance song and re-released. You'll probably hear it tonight. I don't think I've ever been in a club that didn't play it at least once during a night."

I was flabbergasted. "How could I have not known about this?"

"I tried to tell you but anytime I tried to mention anything music related you told me you didn't want to hear it. You shut down after what Razor did. You had a newborn to take care for and a new life to build. For all intents and purposes you killed Belle."

I nodded sadly. "I guess you're right. Still though, a simple song shouldn't earn me a spot on the wall."

As we were talking a tall well-built man appearing to be the same age as Matt and I walked over to my picture and took it off the wall. He walked over timidly with sharpie in hand. "Excuse me Belle. I'm Chris, would you do us the honor of signing your picture?"

I smiled graciously as I accepted the portrait and removed it from the frame. "Nice to meet you Chris. Do you want me to make it out to the club?"

The man smiled. "However you wish." His voice then started to break, "I have to tell you that 'You Be You' helped me through some rough times."

Something about him struck me as familiar. "Thank you. Didn't we go to school together? Chris Holt isn't it? Are you the owner?"

Chris nodded and smiled. "Yes on all counts. I didn't think you'd remember me. I sorta stayed to myself. You were always the badass girl that ran with the wild crowd but never failed to say hi to the little sissy kid. Looks like both of us misfits turned out pretty well."

I laughed as I signed the portrait.

To one of my oldest friends Chris,

Never give up and just be you. We misfits stick together!

Much love,

Sara Collins AKA Belle

After I signed the picture, I placed it back in the frame and handed it to Matt as I stood to hug the man in front of me.

I reached in my purse and retrieved a business card. "Yes we did. Here's my number and if you are hosting a benefit or anything and need my help or if you just need a friend to talk to please don't hesitate to call."

Chris's smile grew wider. "Thanks, I'll do that."

I motioned to Matt and James. "Chris I'd like you to meet my friend Matt, his friendship was the inspiration for 'You Be You,' and his partner James."

Chris shook both men's hands before turning to Matt. "It's an honor to meet you."

Chris turned back to me. "I've taken enough of your time. I have a club to run and you have some partying to do. It's my treat so order anything you wish. It's good to see you again."

I hugged him. "Great to see you too, but I can't let you do that."

Chris released me. "Nonsense. It's the least I can do as a thank you for giving me hope when I had none."

James, who was standing on the other side of Matt walked around and hugged me tightly. "And that right there is why your picture is on the wall."

Chapter Eighteen

After Chris walked away Matt put his arm around my waist. "See, Belle wasn't all bad was she?"

I tilted my head to rest on his shoulder. "I guess not. Let's go find the girls and have some fun."

When we walked into the show bar I noticed Lily and Jill huddled together with their chairs pulled much closer than needed. Lily was tucking a stray piece of hair behind Jill's ear while Jill looked longingly in Lily's eyes.

I looked over at Matt with a shocked expression.

Matt shrugged his shoulders. "It runs in the family."

I laughed. "How could I have been so oblivious about Jill?"

James reached over and patted my arm. "It's okay honey, most fag hags are clueless."

I considered myself lucky to have not gotten a drink yet because if I had I would have spit out when I started laughing.

Jill and Lily saw us approach and quickly separated.

I took my seat. "I'm not Moses. You two didn't have to split like the Red Sea just because I walked up."

Matt and James laughed at the girl's obvious embarrassment.

A waitress stopped by to take our drink order. Even after we joked around with the young lady taking our drink requests the girls still appeared ill at ease.

I spoke up. "I'm here to have fun with my friends and if either of you think being together will make me uncomfortable then you don't know me very well. Just be yourselves."

Jill continued to look embarrassed. "You don't care?"

"No, why should I? Did I care about the other?"

Jill's head dropped. "No but most people I know do."

I laughed. "What, in the time you've worked for me, has made you think I'm like most people?"

Jill tried to laugh but I knew she was still worried. "Touché."

I got up and walked around to give Jill a hug. She started to cry as we embraced and I softly sang in her ear. "You be you and I'll be me and eventually the world will see there's nothing wrong with being free. We should be free to love who we choose, free from worrying about what we'll lose." I paused to smile at Jill and add a secret verse. "No one lives in a house of glass so if they give you grief they can kiss your ass."

Jill laughed through her tears. "I didn't know you knew that song. It's one of my favorites."

Lily leaned in laughing. "She wrote it." then she looked over at me. "I take it that last part was a verse the label nixed?"

I laughed. "Yeah, I had a hard enough time just getting it on the album. They didn't even let Gracie or Liz record anything on it, that's why it sounds so different from anything else I did with Bellero. The only way it made the album was to be a secret track and they said it was all on me."

James laughed. "Guess you showed them."

I nodded. "Apparently."

Our waitress returned with our drinks and everyone started to loosen up and have fun. I laughed so hard when one of the drag performers came out as Lily and performed her latest hit. It was hilarious to watch how Lily's mannerisms were exaggerated for effect and how the performer played up Lily's look. It was as if we were watching a like caricature of my friend. Lily loved it and I had to get a picture when she tipped the performer a twenty.

I looked over to Lily when she took her seat next to Jill. "You know you've made it when a drag queen does your songs."

Lily laughed. "Then you must be at the pinnacle."

Everyone was still laughing and I was about to ask her what she meant when the next performer was announced and when the music started all eyes at the table turned to me. Their laughter increased and I couldn't understand why they suddenly began to stare, much less laugh, since I didn't even recognize the song. It was a fun, mid-tempo song that had been heavily mixed with synthesizers.

When the artist on the record began to sing and the performer stepped on stage I quickly realized why my friends looked as they did. Tears of laughter filled my eyes as I placed my hand over my mouth. "Oh my God, oh my God, Oh my God." Was all I could manage to say.

I looked on in awe that a man could look so much like me. I knew this person had to be a huge fan because it was obvious he had my stage mannerisms down. I stared while still giggling as he really played up the fact that on stage I have a habit of really using arm and hand gestures to convey emotions.

I quickly reached in my purse to grab a twenty and made my way to the stage. The performer knelt down to accept my money and I leaned in to tell him how great he looked. The performer looked in my eyes and fell backwards when he realized who I was. I gasped and offered my hand to help my wonderful doppelganger to his feet. I pulled him close and whispered in his ear. "Please come see me after the show. I have to have a picture with you."

The performer nodded his head and smiled widely before he continued the performance.

I returned to my place next to Matt as he teased me. "See, you can even sweep a drag queen off her feet."

I smirked and slapped his shoulder while never taking my eyes off the stage.

James leaned over to me. "Pretty amazing huh?"

I nodded. "Yeah, humbling too. I mean he had to have really studied me. I think he makes a better Belle than I do."

Matt scoffed, "Nah, I've seen better."

I spun around. "What do you mean better? You mean you've seen other people impersonate me?"

Matt laughed and pulled me into a sideways hug. "Girlfriend, you really need to get out of your bubble more often. I think the only person drag queens love more than you is Cher."

Jill leaned across the table. "Tomorrow I'll find some videos to show you. They're all over the place."

After the show ended Lily and Jill wanted to go to the dance bar while Matt and James wanted to go to the piano bar. I chose to go with Matt and James to allow the girls some time to themselves.

The piano bar only had a sprinkling of people scattered about. After getting fresh drinks we found a booth in the corner.

"Are you guys having fun?" I asked.

Matt spoke up. "I'm crushing on my guy and hanging with my girl, of course I'm having fun. How are you holding up?"

His question stunned me. I thought it was obvious I was having a blast. "Fine. Why?"

Matt frowned. "You know why. What happened?"

I scowled at him and waved my hand in a dismissive gesture. "I don't want to talk about it. I came out tonight to keep my mind off things."

"Fine, I won't ask tonight but you'll have to tell me sooner or later." He then eyed the empty piano in the corner. "Can I ask a huge favor? If you say no I understand."

"You know I'll do anything for you."

Matt looked almost afraid to ask.

"Just spill it, what do you want?"

"Can you sing my song for me please?"

I smiled sweetly at one of my oldest friends. "Of course."

Matt's face lit up as he practically shoved James to the floor trying to get out of the booth to lead me to the piano.

Chris was standing at the door and noticed us walking to the piano and rushed to let the bartender know it was ok. He joined Matt and James as they stood around watching me.

The few people in the bar perked up when I started playing the intro to the song. I focused solely on Matt as I started to sing.

My dear friend why are you upset?

Your beautiful eyes are soaking wet.

Come and sit by my side.

I moved over on the bench and motioned with my head for Matt to sit beside me.

Are you still sad from having to hide?

Just be yourself and forget what others say.

They are wrong and they'll know one day.

You are wonderful in every way.

You make the world a better place.

Please dry your eyes and put a smile on that pretty face.

Please sweet boy, don't be blue.

Ignore the others and stay true to you.

I lifted my eyebrows at Matt and nodded toward James before I finished the verse.

You being happy is my only care.

Find that person who's life you want to share.

By this point word must have spread throughout the building because it was starting to fill with people watching me. I turned my attention to Chris.

You be you and I'll be me.

Eventually the world will see.

There's nothing wrong with being free.

We should be free to love who we choose,

Free from worrying about what we'll lose.

Anyone who turns away is not a friend.

Those who love you will be there til the end.

I looked up to see Jill with Lily's arm around her waist. Jill appeared to have a tear in her eye and was mouthing the words as I sang. I made sure her gaze met mine and she knew I was singing the next part to her.

Don't waste emotions on those who hate.

Start living your life before it's too late.

They aren't worth it, don't waste your time.

Once you do everything will be fine.

Some will turn away, it's sad but true.

But it's also something I'd never do.

Dry your eyes and stand up proud.

Be yourself and join the crowd,

Be one who lives their life everyday.

Not worrying what others say.

This is the beginning of life's new book.

It's going to be exciting and I can't wait to look.

I turned my attention to back to Matt and started to choke up with happiness at seeing my friend so blissful. I lightly nudged my body into his. Matt smiled and nodded to silently let me know he understood.

And see you dear friend with a twinkle in your eye.

Instead of watching all the tears you cry.

You be you and I'll be me.

Eventually the world will see.

There's nothing wrong with being free.

We should be free to love who we choose,

Free from worrying about what we'll lose.

Anyone who turns away is not a friend.

Those who love you will be there til the end.

I smiled at the room as I ended with the verse I wasn't allowed to release.

No one we know lives in a house of glass.

So if they give you grief they can kiss your ass.

The small crowd erupted as I finished. Matt and Jill engulfed me simultaneously.

Matt whispered. "I love you girlfriend."

I smiled and kissed his cheek. "I know boyfriend. I love you too."

Jill looked at me with eyes so full of fear. "Did you mean it when you said you'd never turn away?"

Matt recognized we needed a moment so he stepped back.

I pulled Jill in tighter. "Of course I did sweetheart. I know you're scared. I would be too but please know I only care about what's in here." I placed my hand over her heart. "Not who you give it to."

Jill burst into to tears. "I wish my family felt the same."

I looked to Matt who had heard everything. "Can you tell all these kind people I need a moment and I'll be back?"

Matt looked on with an understanding only someone who'd been there could understand. "Sure thing."

I looked over at Lily who was beside herself with worry. "Just give us a moment okay?"

Lily nodded and I guided Jill out a side door that led to a secluded patio. "What's going on Jill? You can talk to me."

Jill wiped her eyes and sniffled back another sob. "I'm so alone."

I pulled her in closer. "Oh honey, why do you say that?"

Jill's tears continued to fall. "I transitioned my sophomore year of college. I knew it would be rough but I had my girlfriend's support so I thought we'd get through it. My family's very religious and as strange as it sounds, they were okay with it when they thought I was interested in men but as soon as they met my girlfriend they disowned me immediately. I couldn't get them to understand the difference between identity and preference."

I sighed sadly. "Let me guess, you and your girlfriend split up the night I was stabbed."

Jill nodded her head. "Yes, how did you know?"

"You acted different and I'm a master at hiding emotions so I knew you were only pretending to be happy. I tried to ask you about it but, well, you know. You were scared to talk."

Jill nodded again as she wiped her eyes. "Yeah, I was. I mean I'm lucky enough that I can hide who I was from most people but it's much more difficult to hide who I am attracted to and I've already dealt with enough rejection to last a lifetime."

I continued to hold her in my arms. "I couldn't even begin to imagine what you had been through. What happened after you two split?"

Jill wiped her eyes and tried to act nonchalant. "I've been jumping around from friend to friend til I find a new place. I hate to admit this but I have stayed in the office a few nights sleeping on your couch."

I hugged her tighter. "Why haven't you asked me for help? I thought you said you consider me a friend?"

She nodded her head vigorously. "I do, I promise I do but I could never ask for that. It's my problem. Besides you've been through so much and the last thing I wanted to do was burden you with my problems."

I ran my fingers through her hair. "Please don't do that again. I'll never go through so much that I can't be there for a friend. Where are you staying now?"

"A college friend is letting me sleep on her couch but I almost have enough saved for all the deposits I need to get a place of my own."

I tilted her head up so we were eye to eye. "You're staying at my place til we can find you an apartment."

Jill's body stiffened. "I can't do that."

I adopted a stubborn expression. "You can and you will. Not only are you a friend but you are also my right hand so I need to make sure you are safe and well rested. I have three bedrooms and can only sleep in one. I'm guessing all those boxes in your back seat are your clothes."

Jill nodded.

I smiled victoriously. "Good so all we have to do is stop by your car when we get back."

Jill embraced me again and suddenly she appeared years younger. "Thank you. I'll be out of your hair in no time."

I pulled her in closer. "There's no hurry."

Jill and I were laughing as we walked back to the piano bar arm in arm. Lily ran up to us and grabbed Jill's hand.

I looked at Lily, "you take care of her, or you'll have to answer to me."

Lily smiled earnestly as she led Jill back out to the patio. "Yes ma'am."

Many fans and admirers asking for autographs or pictures swarmed around me. A lot of them just wanted to share personal anecdotes about their lives. Some were heartbreaking but just as many were uplifting. I considered myself better for hearing them.

Matt finally pulled me away. "I'm sorry. I had no idea it would be like this."

I smiled. "No need to be. It's helped my get some perspective. Here I am crying about poor me, 'Ohhhh I caught my gorgeous rock star boyfriend with his ex who looks exactly like I used to.' when in reality I'm blessed."

James muttered, "ew, I hate that skank but now that you mention it, you two do look alike."

Matt looked angry. "That Son of a Bitch did what?"

I ignored Matt's outburst and turned to James as I sarcastically said, "thanks James, that's a big help."

James frowned. "Sorry but if it makes you feel better I really do hate her. She's had more good men than the Marines and her personality makes her uglier than Matt after drinking tequila."

I laughed. "That's helps a little."

Matt stuck out his bottom lip, looking so cute with a little pout. "I thought you said I always looked good."

James reached over to pat Matt's cheek. "I know honey but I lied. Why do you think I won't let you have it anymore?"

I laughed again. "In James' defense I've seen you on tequila and he has a point."

I looked at my phone to see it was almost midnight. "I need to be heading home soon. I have to work tomorrow and then shoot a video immediately after."

Once back in the limo I looked over at Lily and Jill. "Jill, if you want you can take off tomorrow. I don't think we have anything pressing."

Jill looked concerned. "As much as I'd love to, I can't. You have that video shoot that was rescheduled for tomorrow."

"Yeah but that's not til two."

Jill glanced at Lily and blushed. "Can I come in after lunch?"

I laughed. "Yes, that will be fine."

Chapter Nineteen

I walked on the set of the music video, which was being shot in bar that once doubled as a speak easy during prohibition. It was located at the end of a hidden alley between two antebellum houses. It was actually part of one of the houses but had a separate entrance from the alley. The décor was classic and beautiful. The place was only two blocks from my condo yet I had no idea it existed.

While the bar was being readied, we met with Robert and the director in the house.

Curt Newsome was one of the hottest directors at the moment. He happened to have two free days in his hectic schedule and we were lucky to get him. He was cute, in a boyish way. He only stood five foot five, very thin and had a head full of unkempt red hair to go with his green eyes and freckles.

Curt was very enthusiastic. "My idea, with all the publicity around your past and how you walked away, is to have you interacting with a young version of yourself. Showing her how she's heading down a dark path and Robert shows up to help lead you both out."

Robert frowned and I'm sure my confusion was obvious since I had no clue what he was talking about. "Excuse me Curt, I have reservations about this. I'm not sure I like this idea but let's say, for arguments sake, I agree. How do you plan on having me interact with a young version of myself? Am I going to have to wear a blonde wig or something trying to pretend I'm young again? If that's what you have in mind, I'm not sure I'm on board."

Curt must have anticipated my concerns. "No Sara, we've hired a look alike to play Belle. I think she's perfect. Would you like to meet her?"

I was apprehensive to say the least. "I guess I need to."

Curt turned to his assistant. "Go get Nikki."

Oh no no no. He couldn't have possibly hired her to play a young me. It has to be someone else. I was already reaching for my cell phone as she walked in."

With a smug grin the tall blonde walked in. With the help of a makeup artist and what had to be an excellent stylist, she looked like a carbon copy of myself, only fifteen years or more younger. The bitch that had, less than a week ago, turned my world upside down stared me in the eyes. "Hello Sara. It's a pleasure to see you again. Looks like you aren't the only one who thinks we look alike."

I scoffed. "Yeah, but a cheap knock-off never compares to the original."

Robert chuckled and Nikki was momentarily stunned at my remark. I think she expected me to be surprised to see her. She didn't hesitate long before she bit back. "Maybe some people just prefer a newer model."

I laughed. "Some people don't understand that newer doesn't mean better. Newer models are nice to look at but the quality is usually shoddy."

Nikki's face began turning red. "Yeah but a person always prefers the newer version when the road gets a little rough."

That remark got to me but I wasn't about to let her know. "That's just because they want an easy ride and sometimes a person doesn't even care how many people have been behind the wheel before them. They may take it for a quick spin around the block then realize a cheap knock-off doesn't quite measure up to the real thing."

I knew my words had the desired effect when Nikki lunged at me with her fist and screamed. "I'm going to get him back!"

My redneck past came back in full force as I deflected her blow. I grabbed a handful of her hair and used her own momentum to smash her head into the wall behind me. "You can have him. Just know that from now on everything you do will be compared to me and nobody treated that man better than I did."

Nikki angrily stood and faced me. I knew she was thinking about charging again so I slapped her with everything I had.

As she leaned against the wall rubbing her face I pointed my finger at her. "Listen to me sister. You better treat him better than you did last time or else." I stepped closer and buried my finger in her chest pushing her back into the wall. "Just so you know, that was a small sampling of the ass whooping I'll give you if you break his heart again. He deserves better than you but if you're what he wants then you don't have to worry about me interfering."

I turned to Curt. "This ain't happening. If you feel the need to have a younger version then I met a person last night that'd be perfect. Get this bitch off the set or there won't be a video." I stormed out of the room before anyone had a chance to say anything.

It felt oddly symbolic to have fought with a representation of my past but it also felt very fulfilling to have gotten the best of her. I called Jane as I marched outside.

"I thought you were supposed to text me before you called?"

"Fuck that right now. I have a question. Are you my manager for everything or just for the contract?"

Alarmed by my tone Jane quickly replied. "For everything. Why? What's up?"

"They hired Nikki to play a young version of me and expect me to work with that bitch. I just had to kick her ass during a meeting with the director. Get me out of my contract."

Jane's anger now matched my own. "What the hell are they thinking? I'm calling Kevin right now. Where are you? I'm on the way."

"I'm walking back to the Terrazzo right now. I should be home in about five minutes."

"I won't be far behind."

Irritation continued to simmer within me and it had almost reached a boiling point. I was starting to think agreeing to the duet was a recipe for disaster when Kevin pulled up beside me and rolled down his window. "Sara, are you okay?"

I turned quickly, "No. This was a bad idea. I don't know what I was thinking agreeing to get back into this crazy mess." I once again started walking home.

Kevin turned off his car and jumped out. "No it wasn't. It was just a bad idea for the video. I was on the phone with Jane when I saw you, she told me what happened and I don't blame you. But by the same token you can't blame us because we didn't have a clue. All I can do is say I'm sorry. We'll make it right. I was apprehensive when Curt told me his idea to begin with so we can go in another direction if you wish."

I noticed a bright green Camaro pull up as I mulled over what he said. I needed advice and thankfully Jane showed up just in time to help.

Jane and I discussed what Kevin said to me while he called the set to make sure Nikki was gone.

"What do you want to do?" Jane asked.

I sighed, "I don't know. I'm beginning to think this is a mistake."

Jane grabbed my hand. "It's not."

"Why not?"

"Because you're not a selfish person."

I released her hand and threw my arms in the air. "How does that have anything to with it?"

Jane laughed lightly. "Look sis, how many singers spend their entire lives trying to achieve a fraction of what was handed to you by chance? I mean really, how many singers just happen to have a major record executive stumble upon them goofing around and get begged to sign?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

Jane continued. "How many of your peers from back then would sell their soul for a second chance like you're getting?"

A thought crossed my mind and I could help but wonder if Polina was trying to influence my life as a means of retribution for what she did. I was not fond of the idea that my life was beyond my control.

My demeanor sudden straightened. "That's my point Jane. Am I selling my soul to do this? You should see what this Curt guy wants to do. He's totally exploiting my past and what I've been through. I don't think it's worth it. I thought this whole thing would be fun and take my mind off everything but everywhere I turn is a reminder and I'm not enjoying it at all."

Jane nodded her head. "I see what you're getting at and technically you've fulfilled your contract. They have the footage from the recording session. We can walk away now if that's what you want to do without breaching."

Kevin heard what I said and interrupted. "Sara, you're right and I'm sorry. I got excited and went overboard. I was wrong. If you agree to continue to support the single, given your experience, I'll give you complete control over how everything is marketed and the image you wish to portray." He then laughed, "I mean that is your firm's job anyways."

I managed a modest smile, "yes it is." Still unconvinced, I looked at Jane. "What do you think?"

Jane's expression told me she favored the idea but being the friend she is, said, "it's your call, but I don't think you could ask for more."

I nodded. "Okay, let's go talk to Curt and see what other ideas he has before I decide. Thank you Kevin, sorry I lost my cool. I'm not usually a diva to work with."

Kevin sighed in relief. "Don't be sorry. You had every right to be upset. I just hope we can come to an agreement."

Jane looked at Kevin with concern as she asked a question that hadn't even entered my mind. "Nikki isn't singing on the single is she?"

Kevin shook his head. "No. We stayed with a simple sound so it's just Sara's voice and her on the piano with Robert's voice and guitar."

Jane appeared relieved. "Good. I hate that bitch."

Kevin shrugged, "I don't know her that well. We just hired her for the video and to provide some background vocals on other tracks but after hearing your opinions I don't think I'm going to use her. I may spread the word simply because of how she treated one of the nicest people I know."

Jane laughed and looked at me playfully. "Oh, so she's mistreated someone besides Sara?"

---

"Can I get you something to drink Sara?" Jill asked while I was waiting for one of my last scenes to be shot. Jill had really proven her worth these past few days. She'd accompanied me everywhere. Other than having to witness my outburst and then worrying when she didn't know where I disappeared to, she was truly enjoying the experience and her enthusiasm kept me vibrant when I should've been exhausted.

"Yes please, Jill. Thanks."

"What would you like?" she inquired.

"Something cold with lots of caffeine."

Jill smirked, "one Diet Mountain Dew coming right up."

I smiled thinking about the check I had for her in my purse. I could hardly wait to see the look on her face when I handed it to her. She'd earned every penny of it.

It was day two of our shoot and I was sitting in a chair behind the cameras wearing a slightly loose fitting black crinkled sheer chiffon cami with a sequin pattern all over the front and back. They had me wearing black designer jeans that, as Jane would say, were tight enough to see Lincoln smiling on the penny in my pocket and black knee high stiletto boots when Curt, the director approached.

"OK Sara, for the next scene…"

After my little flare-up Kevin, Jane, and I sat down with Curt and Robert to explain my outburst. Curt was rather standoffish at first but as I enlightened him to my past and the reasons I didn't like his idea his demeanor changed completely. Both he and Robert, having witnessed the exchange between Nikki and I, understood immediately why I didn't want her anywhere around me. I jumped back on board when Curt told me about his new idea. It would be a straight up interpretation of the song. There were scenes with me trying to get Robert's attention, Robert reminiscing about our first meetings as well as scenes we shot the day before that showed us as a happy couple.

Curt pointed to the corner as he continued, "Robert will be at the bar on his phone, and I want you in the corner looking longingly at him while you sing."

"No problem Curt," I responded as I looked over to where he was pointing.

As I was led into position I started thinking of Adam and how I gazed at him when he was in the lighting booth the night I dedicated the song to him. It suddenly occurred to me how often I used him as motivation when I needed to express different emotions. I wondered how long it would take for me to get over him.

I actually felt a tear trickle down my cheek while singing from the corner. Curt loved it. "That was fantastic Sara, you're a natural." He then turned his attention to Robert as I returned to my seat.

Jill handed me a drink. "Here you go."

"Thanks so much."

Jill tried to stifle a yawn, "I never knew how boring this would be."

I tried not to laugh. "Yeah, it’s not all glitz and glamour that’s for sure."

Jill gave my arm a gentle squeeze. "It’s not what I expected but I'm loving the experience. Thank you."

"My pleasure, I'm glad you're here," I replied honestly.

"Ms. Collins, we need you back on set," one of Curt’s assistants said as he approached my chair.

"I’m on my way."

Chapter Twenty

Jill and I stepped out of the limo Kevin provided once it pulled up in front of the Terrazzo. I accepted the garment bag from the driver. I was so tired that I didn't bother to change from the outfit I wore during the last scene. I tried making my way into the lobby when a few people approached asking for an autograph.

They allowed me to keep all the clothes from the video shoot. I’m not sure if that's common practice but the stylist for the video had excellent taste. She offered them to me explaining that everything had been specially made for me because of my height and they wouldn't be able to use them again. I eagerly accepted before she changed her mind.

I gasped as the elevator doors opened. "Adam, what happened to you?"

Adam looked like hell. His clothes looked and smelled as if he'd been wearing them for three days. His long, beautiful mane was matted to his head. The crisp white that normally surrounded his sensual dark eyes was now bloodshot. It also looked like he had not shaved in a week.

"Hi Shara, sho good to she you." He slurred as he stumbled into me and attempted to give me a hug. "You look great. Sho shexy."

The smell of alcohol and body odor filled my nostrils as he leaned into me. "How much have you had to drink? Did you drive like this?" I asked in horror. I'd never seen him this far gone.

"Jush a little." Adam replied as he pulled his index finger and thumb together to illustrate. He attempted to straighten his body but fell back against the back wall and slumped to the floor grasping my arm in a failed attempt to gain his balance.

"Let me get you home." I asserted angrily pulling my arm away. "This is crazy, what were you thinking?"

Adam looked at me with an adorable drunken grin, "I wuv you Shara."

I braced myself and tugged on his arm trying to get him to his feet. I laughed lightly, "I wuv you too Adam, you are so drunk. Come on, stand up."

Adam started to cry. "I'm shorry for what I did. I shaw your video from the jazz club. I shwore to never let anyone hurt you and I ended up hurting you worsh that anybody."

I patted him on the back. "Yes you did. You're drunk. Let's get you home."

Jill looked on with concern. "You need any help?"

I shook my head. "No, I'll be home in a minute."

I grabbed Adam’s keys from his hand and unlocked his door.

As I helped him in I noticed fresh roses and a framed photo of him and the woman who seemed to be making every part of my life hell on the corner of his coffee table. The guilt I harbored believing his present condition was my fault evaporated. "Glad to see you've not wasted any time."

Adam gave me a puzzled expression. "Whash you mean?"

I pointed to the photo. "Your little shrine to Nikki."

Adam studied it closer, picking up the photo and slamming it to the floor. "Thash nots mine. Fuck her."

I rolled my eyes. "Done that a lot lately have you?"

He glared at me and walked straight to his liquor cabinet and reached for a square bottle of whiskey.

"Oh no no no, you've had enough for today." I grabbed the bottle from Adam’s hand.

I found my phone and called Jane. "You need to get to your brother’s place NOW."

"Why? That bastard didn’t even show up today. Fuck him."

Adam tried to grab the bottle from my hand as he yelled at me. "Give me that."

I put the bottle behind my back. "No, you've had enough to drink. Go to bed Adam."

Adam gave me a sexy smile. "You coming with me?"

"Hell no!" I placed the phone back to my ear. "I need help here Jane."

Adam reached around me and grabbed the bottle. I dropped the phone to the floor and clasped the bottle with both hands.

"You've had enough! You're not getting this bottle." I screamed.

Adam glared at me as he pulled on the bottle, "Oh yesh I am."

I could hear Jane screaming for me through the phone but I wasn't about to let go of the whiskey.

I tugged on the bottle with all my might. "Oh no you’re not!

"Fine!" Adam screamed as he released the bottle.

The force of my tugging combined with his sudden release caused the full bottle of Jack to slam into my face. I stumbled backwards and grabbed my nose. The pain was intense and I felt blood all over my hands.

"OW! You son of a bitch! I think you broke my nose." I screamed at the top of my lungs.

Panic caused Adam to sober up immediately. "I didn’t mean to Baby, I'm so sorry, let me a get a towel."

I reached down to grab my phone and gathered up everything else while blood continued to gush from my nose.

Adam rushed toward me with a towel. I jumped backwards and yanked the towel from his hand as I shrieked, "Don’t you come near me and stop calling me baby."

A look of horror and extreme sadness washed over Adam’s face as he dropped to his knees when I turned to leave.

I ran out of his place to the stairs. I had no desire to wait for the elevator. I had to get away from him.

Jill shrieked as I ran in the door and straight to bathroom. "Oh my God! What happened?"

I retrieved some cotton balls and rolled them up to place in my nostrils before I stripped off my clothes. I ran out to fill the kitchen sink with water. I added some detergent before I placed my top and jeans in to soak.

I muttered mainly to myself. "That bastard better not have ruined this outfit."

Jill was frantic. "Sara, what did he do to you?"

I heard my phone ring and saw it was Jane.

Oh shit, I forgot about her.

I held up my index finger at Jill indicated she needed to give me a moment.

"Oh my God, are you ok? What happened?" Jane screamed as soon as I answered.

I tried to reassure Jane but I'm sure my anger didn't help. "I will be I think. Just a bloody nose."

Jane gasped. "He hit you?"

I sighed, "no. Yes… no, he’s drunk and we were fighting over a bottle and it hit me in the face and busted my nose. He didn’t mean to do it."

I could hear the worry in Jane’s voice. "He’s gone off the deep end."

My voice started to tremble. "You think? He looks terrible sis. You really need to check on him."

"I just ran everyone out. I'm closing early. I’ll be there in a few. I’m coming to check on you first."

I tried to sound confident. "Don’t worry about me. Jill's here and I'm fine, go check on him. I'm worried."

"Okay, I'll call you once I get him sorted out. Love you."

"Love you too."

After hanging up with Jane I called Ellie but much to my disappointment it went straight to voicemail.

Jill took a seat at the breakfast bar as I tried to rub out the blood from my clothes. "He looked terrible."

I sighed and finally broke down. "I know but what can I do?"

Jill walked around the bar to give me hug. "I understand. Let me finish washing these. Go lay down, you've had a long day."

I smirked, "I don't think laundry duties are in a Personal Assistant's job description."

Jill laughed. "Maybe not but it's in a friend's job description. Look at yourself, you are standing in the middle of the kitchen looking like you have two tampons in your nose wearing nothing but your bra and panties. You need to just go take a shower and relax."

I hugged Jill again. "Thanks. Oh and don't you dare tell Lily about this."

Jill appeared puzzled. "Not a word but why?"

I sighed, "Cause she'll tell Matt and he'll fight Adam and one of them will get hurt."

Jill nodded. "Yeah, I can see that happening. I won't say anything."

Three agonizing hours later Jane finally called.

"How is he?" I asked warily.

Jane sighed. "He’s hurting sis, but I finally convinced him to get some sleep."

I felt my anger rise. "Why's he hurting? I’m the one who got smacked in the face with a whiskey bottle."

"He loves you and thinking he caused you pain again almost pushed him over the edge."

Any residual anger I harbored toward him slipped away as I spoke. "I don’t understand him. The only pain he caused was when I saw him with her. Nothing else has been his fault." I remembered seeing that picture of her on his coffee table. "Well… Seeing that pic of Nikki at his place didn't feel real good."

Jane sounded tired. "He doesn’t see it that way. He swears he didn't put that picture there. He doesn't know where it came from. I tried to ask him about the way he's been acting and he tried to explain himself but it still didn’t make a lick of sense."

"What'd he say?"

Jane sighed, "It doesn’t matter. His reasoning's so lame it'd only make you mad."

I whimpered, "I miss him Jane."

"I know you do."

"I love him so much."

"I know that too but do you love him enough to get past this?"

"I don’t know, possibly, maybe. Actually, I kind of doubt it. I really don’t know!" I began to cry, "he deserves better."

It sounded like Jane slammed her phone down on a table and let loose with a flurry of colorful phrases before she picked it back up. "Not this shit again."

"Well! It’s true!"

"Not hardly, how many times do I have to tell you this. You're the best thing to happen to him since sliced bread."

A giggle escaped my lips and Jane spoke again. "He loves you more than you know."

"I wish I could be so sure. If he does then he has a funny way of showing it."

---

I released a scream that would wake the dead when I looked in the mirror. The reflection that greeted me as I brushed my teeth horrified me. Both of my eyes were black. I was supposed to have a photo shoot with Robert for the single the next day. What was I going to do?

I walked back into my bedroom to get my phone and call Jane.

Jane answered groggily, "hello?"

"Get down here NOW!" I knew she spent the night at her brother’s place to keep an eye on him.

She was suddenly wide-awake. "What’s wrong?"

"Get down here and I'll show you. Come alone, do you hear me?" My anger and panic was unmistakable.

"I'm on the way."

Jill rushed in the bedroom. "Sara what's…Holy shit!"

I turned to her. "I know right?"

"You have that photo shoot tomorrow."

I leaned back to the wall and slumped to the floor. "I know. This is messed up."

Jane let herself in using her key and ran into the bedroom to join us.

"Sweet Baby Jesus," she exclaimed upon seeing my face.

"Yeah, you think he can fix this before tomorrow? What am I going to do?"

"I don't know. Your makeup probably wouldn't take care of it."

A memory popped into my head and I started to stand. This wouldn’t be the first time I had a bruise before a photo shoot. Razor had left more than a few during our time together.

Jane noticed my expression change. "What is it?

I shrugged, "an idea. I need to get some good cover."

A look of confusion crossed Jane's face. "Cover?"

I shrugged. "I mean concealor. Jill, before you go to the office tomorrow I'm going to need you to get me some good concealor. The cheap stuff from department stores won't work. I need the best you can find."

Jill nodded nervously. "No problem."

Jane appeared lost in thought, "Oh yeah, good idea."

I started to stand. "Good thing it's Sunday so nobody has to see me."

Jill pointed at my purse. "If you do have to go out just keep those huge sunglasses of yours on and you should be fine."

Jane lifted her phone up and snapped a picture of me.

"What the hell? Why'd you just take a picture?"

Jane was resolute. "To show my idiot brother what he did."

"It wasn’t his fault." I implored.

"Yes it was, if he hadn't tried to take that bottle from you it wouldn’t have happened." Jane argued.

I countered. "If I hadn't taken it from him in the first place it wouldn’t have happened either."

Jane began screaming at me. "You're hopeless! If you don't use your head, you might as well have two asses. Stop making excuses for him!"

Chapter Twenty-one

After Jill left to go see Lily I realized I had no plans for the rest of the day. I looked out the floor to ceiling windows and noticed what a beautiful day it was so I decided it was a perfect time for a run and day of vegging out afterwards.

As usual I used the time running to sort things out in my mind.

What am I doing?

Why can't I seem to get over Adam?

Kevin's a really nice guy…

I need a nice guy…

I miss Hunter…

I wish he'd come see me like he did Daddy…

It's nice having Jill around…

Home doesn't feel as empty at the moment…

I wonder how Adam is holding up…

He looked terrible…

I wonder if it's my fault or hers…

It's probably mine…

I wonder what Jane is up to…

I miss Ellie…

She deserves to be happy…

Adam always had a way to make me happy when I was down…

I hope Gabe sells me the company…

Maybe I should move back to New York…

Maybe he's right and I would be better off there…

Jill and all my other employees could keep their jobs if I move…

It would hurt too many people I love for me to move…

I love Gabe and Anna too though…

Nashville is home…

Kevin's lined up so many appearances for Robert and I…

I'm glad Robert and I get along so well…

I'm not going to have time to think soon…

That's probably a good thing…

I need a drink…

No I don't…

I drink too much…

I wonder what Adam is doing…

I should call Matt while I have time tonight…

I was so busy thinking that I never noticed the portion of the sidewalk I was running on had buckled from a tree root growing underneath it. My foot caught the edge and I ended up sprawled across the ground.

The pain in my ankle was intense. As I attempted to get back to my feet, I realized it was even worse than I first thought. I couldn't put any weight on it whatsoever.

I managed to make my way to the tree that caused the problem and rested against the trunk. I reached for my phone but it was no longer in my waistband. I looked back toward the sidewalk and noticed it in pieces where I fell.

"Just great!" I thought to myself as tears started to fall.

A familiar rumble filled my ears and I looked up to see Big Red, my father's old Cutlass rolling down the street. I felt relieved Daddy was here to save the day and started to wave him over until I noticed a blonde behind the wheel.

My heart sunk when I realized they woman who had become my worst nightmare was driving the car of my childhood. Daddy never let anyone behind the wheel, not even me. The sense of betrayal from my father's actions was worse than anything Adam did.

I looked up to heavens and screamed. "Anything else you want to hit me with?"

I had no more finished screaming than I noticed an artic blue Evoque traveling three cars behind the Cutlass.

I looked up again to the sky. "That was metaphorical Lord."

Adam saw me and pulled over quickly before he jumped out and ran to my side. "Are you okay?"

Through tear stained eyes I replied, "no, I think I twisted my ankle."

Adam bent down and took me in his massive arms and started to lift me when I tensed up. He sounded hurt as he spoke, "I'm only trying to help."

I shook my head. "I'm not your concern."

His grip on me tightened. "You're always my main concern. Please let me help you."

I again tried to break away. "I'm fine. You didn't have to stop."

Adam leaned his head against mine. His voice sounded weak. "Yes I did. I'll always stop everything for you. Please don't be so stubborn and let me help you."

I sighed as I wrapped my arms around his neck and forced myself to relax. I laid my head on his shoulders and his smell was intoxicating. I started crying even harder. "I miss you so much."

Adam tenderly kissed my forehead. "I miss you too baby. Let's get you to the hospital."

I shook my head. "I don't think it's that bad. I just need to put it up."

Adam nodded and easily carried me to his SUV. I reached out and opened the door before he gently placed me in the seat before softly buckling me in.

"There is the man I fell in love with." I thought as he walked around to the driver's side.

After we started back to the Terrazzo Adam glanced at me. "Do have anything to wrap your ankle with?"

I shook my head. "No, this has never happened before."

"I have something at my place. Let me take care of you before I take you home."

I was not sure if it was the pain or the effect of seeing the caring side of Adam again but I couldn't say no. I placed my hand over his. "Thank you."

Once we parked I tried to get out but Adam was having no part of it. He rushed around and affectionately lifted me from my seat. He refused to set me down until we were inside his apartment.

After he placed me across his couch with my ankle elevated he left toward his bathroom.

I looked around and saw no sign of the flowers or picture from the night prior. It put my mind at ease to know they were gone.

Adam returned with some aspirin and a glass of water. While I took the medicine he tenderly removed my sock and shoe before securely wrapping my ankle. He reached up to remove my sunglasses.

I stopped him. "Baby, you don't want me to take these off."

Adam frowned and softly stroked my hand. "Yes I do. I have to see for myself."

I removed my hand and allowed him to remove the barrier. His eyes immediately began to water and he buried his head in my stomach. "I'm so sorry Baby. I never meant to do that."

I lifted his head out of my lap so he could see my eyes. "I know that. You'd never hurt me on purpose."

He had such pain in his eyes and I needed to do something to ease it. I pulled him closer and passionately kissed the lips I had been missing so badly. In that one kiss all the pain from recent events dissipated.

Adam returned my passion tenfold. I paused only long enough to moan, "I love you so much."

Reacting on instinct I reached down and started pulling his tee shirt over his head. "I love you too."

Adam released a deep rumbling moan and lifted me in his massively ripped arms, never breaking our kiss. He hurriedly carried me up the stairs to his bedroom.

I winced as he tossed me on his bed roughly, but the only pain I truly felt at that moment was from my desire to reestablish a deeply personal connection to this amazing specimen of a man who held the key to my heart.

I quickly shed my clothes while he did the same. I licked my lips in anticipation as soon as my eyes witnessed he was every bit as ready as myself. He started to crawl up the end of the bed toward me, pausing when he reached the junction of my legs.

I buried my hands in his thick black mane. "No Baby, I have to feel you. I'm ready now."

In an instant his massive frame covered mine and a tear of joy fell from the corner of my eye as he entered me completely without hesitation. His body sheltered mine from all past aches as he began to work my body in ways only he could.

We have made love too many times to count but this time was different. There was a raw emotion filling the air, and any gentleness from our past encounters was gone. I don't know how else to describe it other than to say we fucked the pain away. Ten days of pain and anguish were being released between our writhing bodies. It was perfect.

His low growl became deeper as I wrapped my legs around him and dug my nails into his back. I moaned loudly as he ruggedly grasped a handful of my hair and roughly jerked my head to the side so he could gain access to my neck and ear, which he bit without abandon.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and spun him to his back and took my place on top of him enjoying the exquisite ride I had been missing. Even though it had only been ten weeks, it felt like an eternity since we last made love. In that one moment all was right with my world.

I knew I shouldn't be so rough with my ankle being the shape it was in but I felt nothing other than the connection Adam and I were sharing.

I looked down at the gorgeous love of my life and saw nothing but pain and guilt in his deep brown eyes. He reached up and gently rubbed my eye with his thumb and started to speak.

I didn't want to ruin our moment. I covered his eyes with one hand and placed a finger over his lips with the other. "Shh, don't spoil this. There is time to talk later. Let's enjoy each other for awhile."

Adam silently nodded as I leaned down to place a kiss on the lips I had been missing so greatly. He closed his eyes, pulled me closer and flipped me back over to resume his exquisite assault.

Shortly afterward his groans deepened and his thrusts quickened. I reached down and cupped his cheeks in both hands and held on as if my life depended on it as together we fell over the edge into ecstasy.

We were lying in bed trying to catch our breaths with him still covering me like the finest security blanket a girl could ask for when his pile of clothes next to the bed started to ring. Adam didn't even flinch.

"Are you going to get that?" I asked through a ragged breath.

Adam didn't say anything, he only shook his head.

He tried to move to my side but I enjoyed where he was so I held him in place. "Stay right here."

Once again his phone started ringing and once again he didn't flinch. Instead he gently moved some stray hairs while staring into my eyes. "I love you so much."

I smiled up at him and caressed his face. "I love you too baby."

Adam again began to frown. "I need to…"

Again I placed my finger over his lips. "There will be plenty of time for talking later. Let's just enjoy this moment."

Adam nodded and rested his head on my shoulder. A minute later the phone next to his bed started to ring.

"Sounds like someone really needs to talk to you."

Adam still didn't move. "The machine will get it."

I listened intently as the machine went through it normal greeting waiting to see who needed to speak to him so badly.

"Hi Sweetheart." I pushed Adam off me when I heard her voice. The voice that so often taunted me in my sleep sent cold chills down my spine. I fell to the floor and gathered my clothes as I listened to the rest of her message. "I wanted to thank you for breakfast this morning and let you know I took that test you bought me." Nikki's voice started to break. "I'm going to be a mother. Thank you for promising to support me through this."

There was an innate sadness in her voice that made me feel terrible for this woman I hated so. I've been in her shoes and hearing her talk brought back a conflicting flood of emotions from when I was a scared twenty-four year old finding out I was about to become a mother.

I tried to stand in order to put my clothes back on but the pain of my ankle came back with a vengeance only surpassed by the pain in my chest. Adam attempted to calm me but I was inconsolable. "Get away from me. Why couldn't you just leave me on the side of the road?"

Adam reached out to grab my arm. "Baby, it's not mine."

I studied Adam while getting dressed. Although every visual cue he gave me told me he was telling the truth I didn't believe him. I hopped on one leg toward the door. "Yeah right, you agreed to support a child that's not yours."

Adam ran to me and grabbed me in his arms. "She's scared and alone. I couldn't just abandon her."

I squirmed trying to escape his grasp. "Because you still love her. Let me go."

Adam refused to lighten his grip. "Yeah but that's only natural we were together a long time. I can't let a child suffer for the mother's mistakes."

As I struggled to get away he pulled me closer. All I could do is scream. "So you admit you still love her. Dammit just let me go!"

Adam's hold stayed strong as he stared in my eyes. "Yes a part of me still loves her, just like a part of you still loves Razor."

I freed myself enough to be able to slap him, "You Son of a Bitch! I have no love for that man."

Adam didn't even flinch, "Yes you do. We've both been damaged by out pasts but once you feel love for a person it never fully goes away. You're too kind-hearted to not feel at least a small amount of pity for him and I can't help but feel pity for Nikki and her unborn child."

There is a fine line between damaged and broken.

There was a time when my head knew it was over but my heart held out hope. For a few years after I moved to New York, I wanted to Razor to knock on my door and tell me he was sorry. It wouldn't have been easy and I would have made him work for it.

If he worked hard enough though, I would have forgiven him and dumped whomever I had been dating to give him another chance. The few people I dated between Razor and Adam had merely been distractions that I never really invested in.

Even when I moved past those feelings I still held a small amount of love because he was the father of my child but that died with my son. If he walked up today and told me his only shot at heaven was to regain my love, I'd pour him a glass of ice water and offer my condolences on an eternity in hell.

I was broken, Adam was merely damaged which meant Nikki could repair what they had if she worked hard enough and from what I've seen since she moved back to town, she was a workaholic when it came to him.

I lost all hope of working things out as my body went limp. "You can't love both of us."

Adam's voice became urgent. "Our love is special and once in a lifetime but I just can't leave her and a baby to fend for themselves."

I looked up at him, "Adam, let's just call it what it was. I was a nice distraction and an attractive back-up while you waited, but she's back. Stop trying to make us both happy and let me go."

Adam's anger was evident and his hands dug into my arms as he started shaking me with his eyes growing darker by the second. "Why can't you see how much I love you? Yes Dammit, I love her but I love you more."

He started to scare me and in my desperation to escape his grip, my knee made contact with the area that gave me such pleasure earlier and I went sprawling across the floor as he released me. I crawled to the front door feeling despicable with myself for not having more pity for the woman whom I shared blood with. "Adam you have a big heart but there's not enough room for both of us. It's either me or her."

Adam was still bent over trying to recover. His voice was overflowing with anger I knew was for me alone. Deep black pits once again rested where warm brown eyes should have. "I have to help if I can. How dare you give me an ultimatum, I refuse to choose between you, and doing what's right."

I managed to get to my feet and turned the knob before looked back at him, "What's right for us or what's right for you? They are two very different things and now that I know you've made your choice I wish you the best."

I made it to my good foot and hopped to the exit before I looked back with my heart breaking all over again. "I never thought it was possible that I could let someone hurt me like Razor did but you have hurt me more than he ever managed."

Chapter Twenty-two

Once home I grabbed my home phone and called my father. I might as well get all my anger out all at once.

My mother answered. "Hey Lib, you want to come over later?"

I didn't even attempt to hide my feelings. "Can I speak to your husband please?"

She quickly jumped into protective mode. "What's wrong?"

I didn't care if I got Daddy in trouble. "Do you know where Big Red is?"

Mom suddenly became defensive. "He let someone borrow it why do you ask?"

"Do you know who he let borrow it?"

"Yes. She needed a way to get around since she's having a hard time finding work." Her tone sounded accusatory.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I think you know Lib. Look, I'm not thrilled about all this, but we raised you better than your actions are showing."

"My actions?"

"Yes. That poor girl is nothing to me, but she is your sister and you steal her husband then sink her career before it can start?"

My heart broke at her confirmation of Nikki's relationship to me as well as again thinking the worst of her only child. "You believe that? You think all this is my fault?"

"I don't know what to believe, she sounded pretty convincing."

I was wrong before about ultimate betrayal. Having my own mother doubt me broke me completely.

I started crying and Mom spoke again. "Well, are you going to explain yourself?"

My voice became nothing more than a whisper. "I shouldn't have to. I thought you knew me better than that." I hung up without saying anything else and pulled the cord from the back of the phone so I wouldn't hear it ring.

I walked to the bathroom and dug into my stash of painkillers left over from my stabbing. I grabbed the container before making my way to the bar and retrieving a bottle of vodka.

How did my life become such a mess? My son was gone. My parents thought I was a horrible person. My best friend considered me a bad influence. My boss wanted to close the office. I was going to cause a lot of people who depended on me to lose their jobs unless I abandoned my friends and family here. The man I loved planned to help raise a child that was not his.

I hopped over to the couch. Everything was collapsing around me and I only wanted to escape from the intense sorrow overwhelming me. I took one pill to help me sleep chasing it down with the alcohol. My hope was to be able to sleep without any nightmares.

Everything felt right again as I collapsed into a deep relaxing sleep.

"Hi Mom"

I opened my eyes to see my precious boy.

I started to sit up. "How did you know I wanted to see you? Thank you for coming."

Hunter smiled. "You can thank the Goddess."

I gave him a confused expression. "What do you mean?"

Hunter shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know, she asked me to watch you and open the portal when you fell into a deep sleep. I think she needs your help."

"Help for what?"

My sweet child shrugged again. "I don't know. I was just happy for the chance to talk to you again."

I hugged him tightly. "I am too."

A bright light formed in the middle of the field we were in before Zaria stepped out of it. "Hello again Sara."

I nodded nervously. "Hello Goddess."

The majestic woman moved to my side. "Poor child, it seems that no matter how we try to help you something interferes with your happiness."

My expression became stern as I stared at the goddess. "What does that mean? How long have you been manipulating events in my life? Are you the reason for my career resurgence?"

Zaria sighed. "Manipulate is a strong word. We wanted to make sure your gift was put to the best possible use. Everything you accomplished was of your own accord but yes we did open doors for you but it was your decision to walk through them."

She sat down next to me on the ground. "I understand you know of Callista and Danica so you appreciate there are gifts that others hold."

I nodded. "Yes. Cali, Dani and Adam have explained your world to me."

"When my daughter Polina used her gift on you, she accidently bestowed the gift of music on you. Your voice makes people stop to listen and your words can reach others on a level that will genuinely help those in need. I know you have heard others tell you they feel it is selfish of you not to share your voice, that is the reason they say such things."

I frowned as I considered what she said. It was depressing to know that my love of music was forced upon me and my popularity that I did not even want was because of an accident.

As if she read my mind, Zaria started talking again. "If you will remember you loved music before you met my daughter. Gifts, when manifested in someone born human, latch onto the person's finest qualities and enhance them. Gifts from my realm are only manifested in females and that is why you have a gift and Reginald does not. Understand that in the rare cases where powers are given, a gift will only emerge in those strong enough to handle it. Take Cali for instance, as a man Ty was strong, agile, and fearless. He was also compassionate with a fiery temper. Normally only one gift might manifest but Cali has almost every gift imaginable. We knew she would be powerful because she received a gift from me and the gift of life from Danica but because of reasons that we are not yet entirely sure of, every trait she possible has manifested."

"Your voice is the same as if you had been born female but the reality is that Sean was never a gifted singer no matter how well he wrote or played music. You have always had the ability to affect people with your writings, the popularity of your words when sung by others is proof of that. Your gift only provided a voice to match the power of your songs."

I nodded in understanding though nothing she said made any sense. I was wondering why she sent for me.

Once again the goddess answered my unanswered question. "I want to talk to you about Adam. I made a mistake when I gave him his new life. I never should have placed Nikki in it and I fear she is causing trouble on a grand scale."

"No shit." I muttered under my breath.

Zaria nodded knowingly. "I apologize for that. Adam does love you more than anything. As a favor to Callista I did not apply any of the coping mechanisms most people who have been changed are given."

She raised her perfect brows at me and grinned slightly before she cut off the question I was about to ask. "Yes, you had coping mechanisms in place… although I do not approve of the ones my daughter provided."

Zaria took my hand in hers. "Adam is having harder time adjusting than anyone expected. You are his saving grace when it comes to his sanity. He has darkness in him. I believed that we had rid him of the curse but I fear that in his diminished emotional state it could come back."

His black eyes suddenly made more sense to me.

I looked at the goddess intently. "I have seen it. It shows in his eyes, they change color."

Zaria sighed and it was obvious she was as worried as me. "I have to ask, do you love him?"

I nodded my head as I filled with worry over Adam. "With every fiber of my being. What do I need to do? I will do anything."

Zaria smiled. "Let him know you forgive him. Show him how much you love him and convince him that you two belong together forever."

Before I could reply the goddess adopted a concerned expression prior to a bright light appearing and her stepping into it.

Out of nowhere a raven haired woman reached out to me with a kindness that was reminiscent of Jane. I couldn't help but to stare at the otherworldly beauty this being possessed. She had the blackest hair I'd ever seen flowing down her back, her sepia skin tone and dark brown eyes reminded me so much of the man I loved.

Somehow I instinctively knew it was Adam's sister Sarah. "My brother is a good man. I know you can help him." She turned to leave but paused and looked at me again. "Please look after my siblings. They both need you."

She walked back to embrace Hunter and I. "You look after my family down there," she smiled at the angel in my arms, "and I'll watch over yours up here."

I nodded to her as Hunter squeezed me tighter. "It's time for you to go, I love you. Tell Granny she may not see me but I'm there."

I smiled. "Could you visit her in a dream one night when you aren't too busy?"

Hunter released his embrace. "I'll try Mom." His look became concerned. "I'll try to visit your dreams when I'm allowed but I can't promise. Something is wrong, you have to go. I love you."

I hugged my precious boy one last time. "I love you too. I'll think of you often."

"I know Mom but remember no tears."

I shook my head. "No tears."

I suddenly felt someone shaking me violently. When I opened my eyes I saw Jane's body on top of me and was shocked to find her in near hysterics as she tried to wake me.

Jane's eyes were wide and full of panic as she launched into me wrapping her arms around my neck. "Oh thank God, I was worried when you wouldn't wake up. Something has happened to Adam."

I suddenly sat up straight as my heart filled with dread. "What do you mean? I just saw him a couple of hours ago."

"The police found the Evoque down by the lake. It looks like it was torn apart by hand before it was struck by lightning, but there haven't been any storms. He's not home and the bike is still downstairs. I tried calling him but he's not answering his phone. What kind of mood was he in when you saw him?"

I told her about the message I heard but left out the reasons behind being at his place to be able to hear it in the first place.

Nobody has ever accused Jane of being anything but brilliant so it didn't take her long to connect the dots. "What have you been up to? You're hopping around on a hurt ankle and you have hickeys."

I quickly pulled my hair over my neck. "Oh do I?"

"What are you not telling me? It might be important."

I sighed and told Jane all the events of my day.

Jane suddenly became Adam's sister first and foremost which was only the right thing to do given what I told her. "Oh wow." she turned to face me. "Poor guy. He's probably in knots right now."

I nodded. "I have to find him and talk to him."

Jane started crying. "I'm worried about him."

I held onto her with a shared fear. "Have you tried calling Nikki?"

She shook her head. "I have no idea how to get a hold of her."

"I might." I said as I reached for my phone and turned it on so I could call my parents.

There was a knock on the door before I had the chance to place my call.

"Do you know where Adam is?" I asked as soon as I realized it was a crying Nikki waiting in the hallway.

She shook her head. "I don't know where he is but I know who he is with. I know I have no right to ask for your help but I didn't know who else to turn to. He told me you knew the truth about him so I figured you would be the only person to believe me. Adam has changed somehow and is with a God named Augustus."

I grabbed the hysterical woman by the hand and pulled her into the apartment with a certain knowledge that I was going to need help.

I did the only thing I could think of and sat down at my piano. Jane and Nikki looked at me as if I had completely lost my mind as I started playing one of my son's favorite songs.

As soon as the smell of Curves for Men filled the room I looked to the open spot I always left for him next to me on the bench. "Hunter I need you to get Zaria. I need her immediately, it's an emergency."

My darling boy let me know he heard me by banging a few of the keys on the piano.

I sighed with relief as I looked at Nikki. "Help is on the way. Wait until she gets here before you tell us everything you know."

Jane stared at me in disbelief. "Were you talking to your son?"

I nodded and was about to explain when a bright light filled the room. When the light dimmed Zaria was standing in the middle of the room holding Hunter's hand.

Chapter Twenty-three

Hunter rushed to give me another hug while Zaria first placed a hand on Jane causing her to fall asleep before she walked over to Nikki and took her hand.

"What are you doing here?" I asked my son.

He smiled sheepishly. "I hitched a ride when she wasn't expecting it. I wanted to make sure everything is okay."

I frowned at my mischievous son. "You shouldn't have done that, it might not be safe for you here."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Nikki talking to Zaria before the goddess placed her hand on Nikki's cheek before she slumped down like Jane.

If anyone other than Zaria had done that to them I would have been worried.

Hunter ran from my arms into my back office and soon had the Les Paul Silverburst guitar I had bought him for his birthday in his hands.

I smiled that he finally got to hold the present I had not had the chance to give him.

"Do you like it?" I asked

He nodded with a wide, perfect smile. "Yeah Mom, I do. I've been wanting to play it ever since my birthday. I have been beside you every time you play it wanting to get my hands on it."

Zaria interrupted us with a very concerned look on her face. "Something has happened that may be connected to Adam. I must go but will be back soon. In the meantime Hunter may stay with you. Your friends will sleep until I choose to wake them up. I do not foresee you having any problems but to be safe, do not answer your door if anyone knocks."

With that she was gone.

Hunter's smile grew even wider. "This is so cool. Mom can I ask you a favor?"

I nodded. "Of course baby."

"Can you fix me some pancakes? Nobody makes them quite like you do."

I smiled and leaned over to hug him before I stood up. "Of course Baby."

For the next half hour my life felt normal. I could easily convince myself that the past year never happened and I didn't have a care in the world as my son and I talked while I made his favorite breakfast.

I laughed as he told me funny stories from his time in the Elysian Fields.

With only a small amount of denial I could tell myself that he had only been away at a summer camp.

After Hunter finished his last bite he rubbed his belly. "Thanks Mom, I really missed those."

I laughed as I reached into the fridge and retrieved his favorite dessert that I had made a few days prior as a surprise for Matt.

Hunter’s eyes widened. "Oreo Truffles! If I had known you had these I wouldn't have made you make pancakes."

I smiled as he rushed to take them from my hands before digging into them.

A bright light filled the room and I knew my brief reprieve was over. Even though I didn't want to say good-bye I knew it was needed as soon as I saw Cali looking panicked as she stood next to Zaria.

I hobbled to my son and hugged him tightly. "I think it is time for you to go. I love you so much."

Hunter returned my embrace as his tears started to fall. "I had forgotten how much I loved just spending time with you. I love you too Mom."

There was a small sense of relief in knowing that my son would always be as he was. He never had to grow up or have his heart broken or worry about anything. He could just focus on being the same happy boy forever.

I would always miss him more than anything but I also knew he would always be safe and happy.

I found peace in knowing death was not the end and something better waited for all of us who led a decent life.

Hunter looked up. "Do I have to go? Can't I just stay since I'm already here?"

No matter how much I wanted to keep him by my side, I knew it was not meant to be and did not want to appear ungrateful so I shook my head. "No Baby, we were lucky to have this time together. Very few get to have what we just shared. We will be together again in time. I need to know you are safe while the Goddess and I face whatever it is that took Adam."

Hunter huffed and stomped his foot. "I'm already freaking dead. It's not like I could get hurt or killed."

I looked at him sternly. "Hunter Robert Collins you better watch your mouth."

Zaria spoke up. "Your mother is correct Hunter. There are worse fates than death if you are not careful. You need to return to the Elysian Fields right now. It is for your own good. You may take your musical instrument and the treats your mother made."

Hunter started to pout as I hugged him tightly. "I love seeing you and treasure every moment we share but if the goddess is worried then I believe you need to do as she says. I promise to play you a song as soon as all this is over."

He nodded and kissed my cheek. "Okay Mom. I'll go but you need to be careful."

I smiled to reassure him. "Didn't you tell me it would be a long time before I joined you?" I nodded my head as I kissed him on the nose. "Yes you did so you already know I am going to be fine. I love you."

"I love you too." He said before Zaria placed her hand on his shoulder and he disappeared.

I looked up at the gorgeous goddess. "Thank you for bringing him and thank you for allowing him to believe he got away with something. Even if it was for such a short time, I am eternally grateful."

She frowned. "I hate to say this but I believed it best to show you the best of humanity before we embark to find your love."

My posture straightened. "What do you mean?"

Cali, who had been holding Nikki's hand much like Zaria did earlier, walked over and hugged me tightly. "It's Adam, he's lost it. He has taken Dani and is threatening to harm her unless we give him back the life that was taken from him."

I stared at her not understanding how Adam could be strong enough to abduct Dani. From my limited knowledge I thought both Dani and Cali were quite powerful.

Zaria pulled Cali into a comforting embrace as she spoke to me. "When Ryan became Adam he was a hybrid between a human and a Thetan. Thetan's are strong male race who believe themselves far superior to females. Thetan's possess dark gifts which we believed we had suppressed in Adam. From my understanding, after you were stabbed a Thetan named Augustus Galatore could sense Adam's distress and made contact with him."

"Apparently Adam rebuffed him in the beginning so Augustus manipulated your half sibling into trying to win him back at all costs. He used the love Adam falsely held for Nicole that I had placed within him to disrupt the bond you two share. After the two of you briefly reunited then fought this morning he was finally able to convince Adam that a mortal life was too painful."

Cali started sobbing. "Adam caught us by surprise. He hit us both with bolts of lightning before I could react. With me incapacitated he grabbed Dani and threatened to kill her unless we gave him his old life back with no knowledge of our world."

I looked to Zaria. "Well just give him his old life back. I don't care what body Adam is in."

The goddess sighed sadly. "I can do a great many things but that is not one of them. The Fates closed the book on Ryan Crews when he was buried. I can allow brief moments with a single person such as what you experienced with your son but to reset the universe like nothing happened isin impossible."

My tears started to flow as I filled with worry over what Adam had become and the part I played in it. "What can I do to help?"

Cali took my hand in hers. "I can't get through to him anymore and I think you are the lone person who can. I know Ryan better than anyone but you know Adam. You are the only one who can reach his soul."

I glanced at Adam's sister, who appeared to be peacefully sleeping on my couch. "Shouldn't we also get Jane? She knows Adam better than anyone."

Zaria shook her head. "He does have genuine feelings for her but those feelings started off as false. I fear she would not get through to him plus she can't remember that prior to his changes she was alone and a hollow shell of the woman you have become so close to. She has already had more pain than a normal woman should bear."

I wanted to hug my strong friend who patiently listened to me whine about my problems while she had endured much worse. Saving Adam became even more vital in that moment.

My face took on a look of fierce determination. "What are we waiting for?"

Zaria placed her hand on my shoulder. "Before we go you need to know that at the moment he is not himself. The person you see might frighten you and it will be dangerous. You could be killed or something worse. If you do not feel you can do this we will find another way."

My anger started to rise at her audacity. "Let's go. We are wasting time."

Zaria's look was doubtful. "You might find you do not love the person you see when we get there."

My inner redneck came out in full force as I glared at her for doubting my desire to save Adam. "Bitch you better save your fancy warnings. How dare you question my love? That is my man we are talking about. Do you think I would run when he needs me the most? I love him more than anyone on this planet and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt he would drop everything for me if my life were in danger. I would walk through the gates of hell buck naked in a firestorm to save him so shut the hell up and take me to him right this second."

Zaria nodded as she placed her hand on me and a warm tingle flooded my body. "We need you in top physical condition before we go."

Cali smiled knowingly as the room filled with light. "I knew we were kindred spirits. Let's go."

---

"Damn I hate this place." Cali muttered as we appeared in the middle of what looked like the ancient ruins of a temple.

Zaria nodded as she looked at her daughter-in-law. "It is where the first temple to Theos was located and as you well know, it is also where he died. Since he was the founder of the sect, it has since become somewhat of a revered site for all Thetans."

Out of the corner of my eye a sudden movement caught my attention. I spun around quickly to see what I would consider a caricature of man walking over the remains of a wall. He was extremely tall with long dirty blonde hair. His chin, jaw line and Adam's apple appeared to be overly exaggerated.

"Auggie, oh no." Zaria uttered in shock as soon as she saw the man I was staring at.

The man nodded toward Zaria. "It has been awhile Bug. You will address me correctly as Augustus." His eyes appeared to focus on Cali. "I see the murderess has returned to the scene of her greatest crime. I can see why you have taken her in."

The sight of an angry Cali was not to be taken lightly. I jumped back as I noticed her hair appeared as if it was on fire.

She glared at the man as she slipped her stilettos from her dainty feet. "Where is my wife?"

The massive man made a Tsk noise as he shook his head before he placed a helmet on. "Watch your temper vile creature. I have been warned of what you are capable of so I have taken precautions."

He snapped his fingers and there was a sudden lightning strike beside him before Adam appeared with a pair of identical but differently dressed women who were bound and gagged. Adam held a sword in his hand tightly as he glared at the women who were with me.

Zaria pushed me behind her for protection as she yelled with a fury only a mother concerned for her children could muster. "I granted you clemency and this is how you thank me? Release my daughters and walk away if you wish to continue another day of your miserable life."

I stared at the man I loved and gasped. Gone were his kind brown eyes and in their place were empty black pits of despair. His movements were stiff, as if they were not his own and the only emotion he seemed to be showing was hatred.

Augustus started to laugh an evil laugh that would put fear in the most courageous of beings. "Bold words Bug. I will not only continue my life, I will be hailed as a hero among my kind for being the one who finally brought down the leaders of your realm."

"Don't count on it." Cali shouted as she slowly and deliberately moved toward Augustus while Zaria moved toward him from another direction.

Adam placed his sword against the throat of the twin that was wearing a lavender colored tank top that was the same shade of her fear filled eyes.

"Back off Tyler or I will kill the woman you love." Adam snarled.

Cali stopped dead in her tracks and raised her hands in front of her body.

"Ryan no. Don't do it, you can't come back after you take an innocent life. You will be a Common forever." She screamed in desperation.

"Why would I want to go back? My new life is nothing but pain where I can do nothing right." Adam said as his sword broke through the skin on who I assumed to be Dani's neck and brought on a trickle of blood.

In my desire to save Dani but mainly to save Adam I rushed toward him. "Don't do this Baby. I can't live without you."

Adam looked up in shock at the sound of my voice. "What are you doing here Sara?"

I launched myself at the man I love and wrapped my arms around him tightly. "I've come for you. I want you to come back with me."

At the exact moment I distracted Adam, A tall red haired woman with grey eyes appeared behind Augustus and removed his helmet before Cali moved quicker than humanly possible and buried the heel of her stiletto into the enormous man's temple.

Adam turned when the man screamed and his body stiffened as he watched Augustus fall into Zaria's arms as blood seeped from his head.

Adam dropped his sword before grabbing me by the shoulders and throwing me to the ground forcefully. He placed his boot on my chest as he retrieved his weapon and held it to my throat. "You used me. You used my feelings for you to divert me from what was required. You are no better than they are, I should kill you right now."

"Put the sword away Ryan. Please don't make me hurt you." Cali said as she cautiously moved toward Adam.

Adam turned toward her. "If you cannot give me Ryan's life back then do not call me by the name. All of your kind are evil, you took my old life and now you have taken the woman I love from me."

I looked up at him. "They did not take me Adam. I am right here. I am lying here trying to save you. This is not you, the man I love would never hurt a friend much less me. Come back to me Adam I know you are in there."

"We were not the ones who took Ryan's life. Let us help you." Cali pleaded.

The statuesque red haired woman untied Dani and Polina before the three of them also started to surround us.

I looked to my left and saw Zaria was also approaching.

"I made an error in judgment, Adam. I did not realize the strain your false feelings would cause in you." Zaria said. "Allow me the chance to correct my mistakes and I promise your pain will disappear."

He surveyed his surroundings before shaking his head. "No, you have done enough damage. The Thetans were correct about your kind all the long. Look at what Polina did to Sara and what you have done to me. I will do everything within my power to make sure nobody suffers at your hand again."

"I am happy with who I am now Adam." I said in the hopes of reaching the man I fell for. "I would not go back for anything. Do I wish it never happened? I can't say anymore because I have lived this life longer than my other one and show me a single person who does not look back on their youth without a certain amount of nostalgia. I can't go back to my old life just like you can't become Ryan again. My life is with you, Baby."

He removed his foot from my chest and dropped his sword to his side so I took the opportunity to get to my feet.

I grabbed his free hand and I stared into his dark pits hoping to see a sign that the man I adored was still in there somewhere. "You taught me how to embrace the present, and that's what you need to do. You only need to grasp the life you have now and live it to the fullest. If you can do that Baby, I promise I will love you forever."

He looked down at me and for the briefest of moments his eyes flickered brown before he shook his head and the black returned. "I don't believe you. You are in league with them."

I nodded. "Yes I am, but only to help you."

He surveyed the women again before he raised his hand above his head. "You hurt me and then admit you are with them. I cannot trust you."

Lightning streaked across the sky toward Adam's upraised fingertip and I dove at him trying to push him away from the danger. Next thing I knew the bolt had struck both of us.

Chapter Twenty-four

A split second later I dropped to the ground and expelled what little food I had in my stomach. When I noticed green grass underneath me I sat back to take in my surroundings.

We were no longer standing in the midst of temple ruins. Instead we were in the middle of a lush forest and I wondered how we arrived there.

"Why did you attempt to attack me?" Adam roared as he glared at me.

I stared back in shock. "Attack you? I was trying to save you."

Adam's large hand grabbed me by the neck. "You lie!"

Tears started falling from my eyes as he started to tighten his grip. "Baby, you are hurting me."

His only response was an angry sneer as he continued to squeeze the life from me.

"Sing, Mom. Your voice will reach him." I heard Hunter say in my head.

I looked at the shell belonging to the man I loved and hoped I could reach Adam as I started singing Out of the Dark.

His gripped tightened. "How dare you sing a song you have sung for others? I thought that was our song until you sang it with that old man."

My tears increased as I suddenly realized he felt the same betrayal from my singing our song with Robert as I did knowing Nikki had been on our bike.

I reached deep in my heart as I started to voice my feelings for him in a song that was his alone.

When we met I wanted to run

I didn't know if it was to or from

You and your oh so sexy way.

I managed to get some distance but…

His grip on my neck suddenly relaxed as his listened to me but I continued singing.

You invaded my dreams at night

And my thoughts during the day.

Once you entered my life, I could not get away.

When life pulled me under you gave me a hand

And lifted me up from my personal quicksand.

You are the finest man I have ever known

And in you my love has grown.

Adam blinked a couple of times and he released me as his eyes slowly returned to normal. I rejoiced knowing my man was back as he looked at his hands then at me with tears flowing down his cheek.

We were about to embrace when there was a bright light and the five women emerged into the woods around us.

Adam's eye instantly turned black again before he grabbed me. "Stay back or I will hurt her."

Not knowing what else to do I started singing again.

Our love is real our love is right

I only want to feel you all through the night.

When we are together I forget about the strife

Everything is perfect so long as you are in my life

We can start off fresh and begin anew

You can't leave me after all we have been through

His grip on me loosed again and he looked to Cali. "Please stop me. I can't control it and if I hurt the woman I love I will never forgive myself or you."

"I can't without hurting you Adam. You have to stop yourself." Cali replied.

Adam's arm latched around my neck again. "He can't stop me, nobody can. Especially not your kind."

I started singing again.

I am yours; heart, body, and soul

I promise to never again let you go.

We both made mistakes we will never make again

Come back to me baby so we can end our pain

We are better together than we ever were apart

Come home Baby, back into my heart.

"If our friendship ever meant anything then kill me Cali. I am begging you. It is better that I die instead of Sara." Adam pleaded.

"No Adam, you can't die," I screamed.

He shoved me to the ground before he charged Cali. "If you don't kill me then I will kill you!"

Before Cali could decided what to do, Polina placed her hand on Adam and he fell to the ground.

I screamed in despair as I stared at the lifeless body of the man I loved.

I glared at the woman who had once again ruined my life. "You killed him you fucking bitch."

Zaria walked to my side and lifted me in her arms. "He is not dead, only incapacitated."

Polina frowned as she approached me. "I have caused too much pain in your life. I couldn't kill him and add more, besides I have always considered him a friend."

For the first time in nineteen years I looked at the woman with a smile. "Thank you."

Her expression did not change as she began to reply. "Please do not thank me. I am not worthy of a kind word from you. I owe you the greatest of apologies. I only meant to change you for a month or so before changing you back regardless of what Reginald felt, but something happened to me and I had no choice but to act on a thought that was not my own and ended up in a marriage that prevented me from using my gifts. Unfortunately it also forced you from my thoughts since my only focus was on the man I believed I loved."

Polina sighed sadly. "In a case of what some would consider poetic justice, I was trapped in an abusive relationship with a horrible man who verbally and at times physically abused me. Like the life that I forced upon you, I could not escape because of an act by someone else."

I should have been glad to know she suffered as much or more than I did but I didn't. What I felt was a shared pain and true understanding of what it was like to lose free will. She had it much worse since my love for Razor was my own doing because I could walk away anytime I wanted. I stayed with Razor because I was stupid and confused the feeling of being able to speak freely about my past with love. She did not force me to stay long after I should have gone, that mistake was all mine.

Seeing what anger had done to Adam made me realize that holding onto bitter feelings was only hurting myself. I needed to let go of the things I had no control over and learn for to forgive.

"Apology accepted." I said as another question popped in my mind. "How did you break free?"

She smiled as she looked toward her sister in law. "Mother came to me when someone kidnapped my sister's wife. After Cali was rescued I spent a few days with her and Dani. It turns out Cali has that same gift as the man who cursed me. She can plant ideas in people's mind and also take them away, even if placed by others."

I raised my brows impressed by such a power before I jokingly turned to Cali. "You have never used that on me have you?"

Cali shrugged nervously which made me nervous. "Only once but you fought it off. You have a strong will when you want it."

I stepped back. "What did you do? When did you do it?"

Cali sighed. "The day I met you at the restaurant you were too uptight so I gave you the desire to loosen up but you fought it off in the club."

My anger started to rise again. "So you are the reason Adam and I got together?"

The petite red head shook her head violently. "Not in the slightest. I was the reason you got so drunk, I was the reason you were dancing onstage and got the free tee shirt but as you arrived with your cousin that night, I noticed how different you were and it made me physically ill that I was the cause of your condition."

Her eyes widened slightly as she stared at me with awe. "I went to remove what I done but realized the manipulation was no longer in place. If it was still in place you would not have been able take charge like did when you first left and you damn sure would not have been able to walk away from him at the after party when he turned on his charms. You are the first person that anyone knows of that can shake off a manipulation and also the only woman I know of that was resistant after Adam had you in his sights. You are stronger than you ever realized."

Her words confused me since I never really thought of myself as that strong.

Zaria decided to speak up. "As I told you when we talked before, you have thrived when almost any other person in your position would have wilted under the pressure. You truly need to give yourself more credit than you do. You are an amazing person that I am honored to know."

A slight snore escaping from Adam shifted my attention away from myself. "What happens to Adam now?"

Zaria sighed as she looked to Cali. "In order to truly contain the residual evil we must remove it but in order to do so he will have no memory of his life as Ryan and must not know of our realm." She cut her eyes toward me. "He also cannot know of your changes. Everything will remain the same between you except that any mentions of either of your past lives will be wiped from his mind. His personality will lose the small traces of Ryan that were part of the man you loved. I do not know how it will affect how he feels about you. I must warn you that you must keep your distance from him for awhile to make sure the changes take full effect."

Tears started to trickle down my cheek. "Will he be able to have a normal, happy life?"

Zaria nodded. "He will."

"Even if it is not with me?"

Zaria nodded again. "Once I am done the Fates will determine the direction of his life."

"I guess I am fucked then." I muttered under my breath before I stared at Zaria. "So long as he is happy, that is all I want."

Zaria reached out and pulled me into her arms. It sounded almost as if she wanted to cry. "I truly understand how difficult this decision is. I wish I had a better alternative to offer."

Cali and I walked over to a sleeping Adam. My heart broke as she stooped down to kiss his cheek.

"Even though you won't remember me just know I will never forget you and will always love you brother."

As she rose into her wife's arms I dropped down and placed a loving kiss on his lips. "Please find me after you find yourself. I will wait for the rest of my life if need be. You are worth it. I love you always and no matter what."

After I stood Zaria gave me a sad smile. "Jane and Nicole will have no memory of anything that happened so you must never reveal our realm. I will not place any type of block as I trust you to keeps us a secret."

I nodded. "I will never betray your trust. Will Nikki still cause trouble?"

Cali nodded sadly. "When I removed her compulsion in the apartment I noticed it was very weak which means most of what she did was of her own accord so I would expect there to be little change in her demeanor."

I sighed in defeat. "Thank you for trying. Please keep in touch as I am sure we will need each other to lean on through this." I finally turned to Polina. "I really do forgive you."

As soon as I finished speaking I was surrounded by a bright light before I found myself back in my living room alone.

Keeping my promise to my son, I sat down at the piano and started playing him a song with tears pouring from my eyes.

Knowing he would be upset with me for crying I looked up as the smell of his cologne hit my nostrils. "Please don't be mad at me Hunter. I didn't break my promise because these tears are not for you."

Chapter Twenty-five

Jill walked into the living room from the kitchen and handed me a cup. "It's chamomile tea. I've been doing some research on the web and from what I've read it helps you sleep."

I apprehensively tasted a sip and was surprised by the flowery taste. She must have added honey because there was also a hint of sweetness as well.

I smiled at my caring assistant. "How old are you? I thought I was supposed to be helping you when I asked you to move in."

Jill laughed lightly. "I'm the oldest in my so-called family so if one of my siblings were sick when my parents were working or doing something for church I'd have to take care of them. Besides, friends help each other. You want to talk?"

I finished the tea as I told her about Kevin. Jill didn't say anything, she didn't tender advice nor did she offer a perspective. She simply let me vent. I felt much better afterward and nothing in my place was broken.

The combination of a long day and the effects of the chamomile finally kicked in. I turned to Jill and gave her a hug. "I'm going to turn in. Thanks again, see you in the morning. I love you."

Jill's body tensed and she pulled me closer with a tear in her eye.

"What's the matter?" I asked, confused by her actions.

Jill smiled. "Nothing at all."

"Come on now, I know you better than that. What did I just do?"

Jill appeared embarrassed, "You told me you love me."

My confusion didn't lessen, "Well yeah. I do. Hasn't anyone told you that before?"

Jill shook her head.

If there was anything I learned from everything I had been through, it was to let those people significant to my life know how I felt so that if anything ever happened I'd never have to live with the regret of them not knowing how important they were to me.

It was heart wrenching to think of any child, much less one as sweet as I pictured Jill being, never being told she was loved.

Jill suddenly looked years younger, much like a sad teenager. "Never? Not even by your parents?"

Jill looked down at the floor and kicked an imaginary piece of dirt. "My family weren't exactly touchy feely. The only love they professed was for God."

"Oh you poor thing." I reached out to this sad little girl and pulled her to my chest. "I'm so sorry. You're too good of a friend for me not to let you know how I feel but if it makes you uncomfortable I'll try to quit."

Jill hugged me tighter. "Don't you dare. I love you too. You're the cool big sister I always wanted."

I laughed. "Thank you for not saying aunt."

Jill joined my laughter before she pulled away. "You're too young for that. You need to get some sleep. Sweet dreams."

"Thanks, you too."

That night, thanks to Jill's tea, the nightmares I feared so much never came even though I cried myself to sleep.

---

I pulled into the parking lot of the Hunture about thirty minutes later than usual since I had to swing by and get a new phone that morning. Thankfully I kept my phone updated regularly so all my contact information remained intact.

I rested my head on the steering wheel of my 911 when I noticed my father's Harley in the lot. I didn't have it in me for another fight, especially with him. It took everything I had within me not to just back out and work from home, but knew I would only be delaying the inevitable.

Given the emotional numbness that enveloped me, it was easy to steel myself when I saw the mountain of a man who helped raise me waiting in the lobby of my office. He rushed toward me with arms wide, ready to hug me.

I raised my hand to stop his progress. "Hello Father. What can I do for you?"

He appeared angry. "I need to talk to you in private."

I nodded. "Yes, that might be a good idea." I casually walked over and accepted the coffee Jill already had prepared for me. "Would you like some something to drink?"

My father shook his head as I turned back to my personal assistant, "Please hold my calls Jill."

She nodded silently as I continued into my office. Once we were inside I reached inside my desk for some Irish crá¨me to add to the drink Jill made. I had a feeling I was going to need something stronger to get through the morning.

I looked up again, "Are you sure you don't want any?"

My father reached across my desk and attempted to wrestle the coffee cup from my hand. "You don't need this."

I pushed my feet against my carpet and was able to wheel away from his grasp. I hugged my drink to protect it from him. "What do you care Father?"

His anger intensified as he stared at me. "Have I done something to you?"

I had no idea how I was able to remain so calm under his gaze. "Where is Big Red?"

He became defensive. "That's my car and I'll do whatever I want with it."

I took a big gulp of my coffee. It burned all the way down and felt fitting since I was in hell. "Good point Father."

He slammed his large fists on my desk. "What is going on with you? I've never seen you like this and stop with the Father shit. I'm Dad or Daddy to you."

I laughed realizing I need to cut out the negative parts of my life if I wanted to truly be happy again. "Mother gave me the riot act already so you can just stop acting like you give a shit. My Daddy was a man who always had my back and who promised me I would always come first."

I stood and walked around the desk so we face to face. "My Daddy was someone who would never believe the rumors going around. My Daddy would know that if I was involved with a married man, I would have never known about it til it was too late. My Daddy would know that if I did something to get someone fired from a job, the person involved must have done something to me to provoke it. My Daddy would be a man who never would have waited two days to check on me to see if I'm okay."

My mask of composure started to break and I was beginning to doubt I was as strong as Cali suggested. "My Daddy is a man I really miss right now."

He reached for me but I turned away and walked over to my door to open it. "That being said Father, I think you need to leave."

My father slowly stood up and leaned into me as he reached my side. "Oh, Baby Girl."

I turned away. "Don't, I'm not your Baby girl anymore. You need to leave, I have to work."

He started walking through before he hesitated. "You need to call your Mom, she's worried."

I shook my head. "No, she let me know how she feels about me. Have a nice day."

I collapsed on my couch after I watched him walk away a broken man. I shouldn't have unloaded on him like that but I could not hold it in anymore. They did just fine without me in their life for nineteen years and they would be just fine again.

By the time Jill came in to check on me I had become numb again. I built my walls high enough that nobody could see in and no emotions could get out. I was at my desk working on a proposal as she walked to my side. "Are you okay? Do you need me to cancel any appointments?"

I smiled politely. "No need to cancel anything I'm fine. Thanks for your concern but it's not necessary."

She stared at me while I drank the last of my coffee. I handed her the cup. "Would you be a dear and get me another refill?"

"Sure, not a problem." She said as I started back on the proposal.

As soon as she reached the door I looked up. "Jill, how attached are you to Nashville?"

She stared at me blankly. "I don't want to move to New York if that's what you're asking."

I frowned. "Just thought I'd ask."

Chapter Twenty-six

The next few weeks that followed the singles release were a complete mess. Jane was working more than ever since Adam rarely stepped foot in the club anymore. Ellie still wasn't taking my calls. Lily had a break in touring so Jill was spending every spare moment with her. Anna and Gabe were spending a month in Italy so I didn't hear from them, and I refused to answer calls from my parents.

Because of my fame I once again became a recluse who only left the house to go to work.

'Out of the Dark' skyrocketed up the charts. Turned out the record was every bit the hit Kevin predicted. Most weekends were spent joining Robert wherever his concerts were or flying somewhere for promotional stuff.

What was supposed to be something pleasurable to take my mind off my pain ended up hurting me more than I thought possible.

I was genuinely happy when I saw Matt's face light up the display on my phone. "Hey boyfriend."

Matt's soothing voice warmed my cold heart. "Hey girlfriend. I saw the latest garbage on newsstands today. How you holding up?"

I was quickly becoming public enemy number one because the tabloids started having a field day claiming Adam and I split because I started seeing Robert. According to them I was the reason for Robert's split as well as my own. I was being vilified at every turn.

I attempted to laugh it off. "You know I never read that junk."

Matt sighed. He could read me like a book. "Try again Boo. You forget who you're talking to. I'm about to go tell them the truth so everyone knows how great you are." He knew anything negative only reinforced my insecurities.

It was said I had dated Adam, Robert and Kevin in order to jump-start my career. That my actions were the desperate attempt of a sad has been who had nothing left after the death of her son.

I huffed angrily in the phone. "Don't bother. It's not worth it. Hopefully everything will go away when the single loses popularity."

Just about every tabloid ran pictures of Adam looking miserable while showing different pictures of Robert and I, or Kevin and I smiling and laughing. They would often run stories of how heartbroken Adam was of my betrayal and how heartless I was to flaunt my new "love" in his face.

"You're only helping them propagate the lie you know." Matt responded.

Everyone tried to explain to me that is was because Adam wore his emotions on his sleeve while I had become a master at hiding my feelings from the world. Everyone saw me as being unaffected by all the turmoil and drama. They wanted to leak the true reason for our split but I refused to allow it. There was no way I would let Adam endure the wrath I was receiving if I could help it. I was afraid he was not strong enough.

I blew my new bangs away from my face. "Whatever. I'm done talking about it. Tell me how that hot boyfriend of yours is treating you?"

With that Matt took me away from troubles and allowed me to share in his wonderful life for a little while.

---

A few days later as I was walking back from my afternoon run I was met with a few sneers and some rude comments about the type of person they considered me to be. I was confused why people spewed such hatred in my direction until I found Jill and Jane waiting for me when I walked in my apartment.

"What are you two doing here? Don't you both have a life to live or something?" I was slightly hurt that I had not seen much of them lately. I stormed toward the stairs to hop in the shower when Jill intercepted me and lead me to the couch.

Jane handed me a drink as Jill handed me a print out from a popular website that suggested Razor was justified in his attack. The article, which quoted Razor himself, stated that I worked behind the scenes to destroy the chemistry of the band and hid my pregnancy and that I refused to allow Razor any contact whatsoever with his son. It went on to say that after I found out the band had reunited I once again worked to destroy the chemistry Razor had worked hard to rebuild and I manipulated everyone into orchestrating the ambush on him.

"Damn him." I mumbled after I read the last sentence where he proclaimed his undying love for my precious Hunter. I collapsed on the couch behind me, any fight I had in me evaporated in that moment.

Jane sat on the edge of the sofa beside me. "What are you going to do about this?"

I sighed. "Nothing, what can I do?"

Jill sat next to Jane. "We can tell the truth. I'm sure your friends will stand up for you."

I laughed. "What friends? It's just you two, what can you do?"

Jane shoved me. "We are not your only friends. We are just the only two who are too stubborn to let you push us away."

I turned my back to them. "Why are you so stubborn Jane? I mean I totally understand why Jill puts up with me but not you."

Jill pulled me back so I was facing them again. Her face was flushed with rage. "And just why, pray tell, do I put up with you?"

"Because you have to. You're afraid of losing your job."

She shook her head. "Is that what you think? It never crossed your mind that it could be because you are the only person to help me for no other reason than wanting to see me succeed? It couldn't be because you are the only person to love me regardless of how I choose to live my life?" Tears started to fall from her baby blue eyes. "And it damn sure couldn't be because you gave me hope when I was ready to give up?"

I reached up and pulled her into my arms. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

While I held onto Jill, Jane leaned over to place her arm over my shoulder. "Why am I so stubborn? It's because you are the kindest soul I know. You make me a better person. You give with no thought of yourself. You pulled my brother from his downward spiral. You gave me peace about my sister and you are my best friend."

I smiled up at her. "I love you too."

Both Jane and Jill pulled away when Jane patted my arm. "So what are we going to do about this?"

I was scared that if I went on the offensive it would push Adam back to that dark hell he had been in.

I shook my head. "Nothing. Everything about Razor will come out in his trial so I'm not worried about that and to tell my side would hurt Adam. I can't do that. I can handle it, I'm not sure he can. So we're not going to do anything."

Jill nodded sadly and looked at Jane. "Your brother never deserved her."

Jane frowned. "No he didn't."

---

I stood firm on my decision until a week later.

"What time is my first appointment?" I asked Jill as I walked in my office.

She shifted nervously. "You have a clear slate. Everyone cancelled."

I dropped my head and sighed. "Can you call Jane and see if she'll come by as soon as she can?"

I wanted to retreat to my condo and never leave again but I needed to tell my side of things. Maybe if I agreed to a sit down with a major network for a no holds barred interview where I shared my entire story I could regain a shred of my dignity and save the career I worked so hard to build.

"Anything you want me to tell her?"

I nodded. "Tell her to contact whoever she knows. You two win, I have to tell my side."

Jill smiled brightly. "I'll get on that right now."

After I sat down behind my desk I dug out my cell phone and dialed a number I never thought I would use.

"This is Polina." Said the voice on the other end with a light European accent.

"Hi Polina, this is Sara Collins. I need a favor." I replied.

She sounded pleased but not surprised to hear from me. "Hello Sara, I am happy you contacted me. I have feeling I know the nature of your call. Please rest assured Reginald will no longer be problem for you. It seems that, with a little urging on my part, a red haired mutual friend of ours compelled him to do the right thing. He is in negotiations to make plea arrangement as we speak. Within a week or two that part of your life will only be another bad memory. Another memory that sadly is the result of my actions."

I smiled as I leaned back in my chair. "Thank you very much."

Polina's tone took on an edge of excitement. "Please no thanks are necessary but I must tell you what else I have done. I believe only you could appreciate it. I have restored some of Regina's prior beauty but left Reginald in his male body. He should be quite popular among his new peers."

Oh it was mean and even though I should have felt bad for him, I did not. I loved it. "That seems quite fitting."

Her enthusiasm dissipated as she spoke. "He had more opportunities to succeed than you did due to the way society treats men compared to women but he wasted his chances. He could have led a good life. Instead he became the very person he railed against when he was a woman."

"Yes he definitely did." I replied bitterly.

Polina sighed. "I know I have said it before but I cannot apologize enough and anytime you need me please do not hesitate to ask."

I tried to reassure her. "What you did is in the past and I can't move forward if I keep looking behind me. I have forgiven you. I can't imagine a life other than what I have now and I have you to thank for that. It's not perfect but it is mine."

We continued talked for another few minutes and she told me Cali was still upset about losing Adam from her life but since she had Dani she would be okay.

I told her about keeping my distance like I was told and how hard it was to do so.

She encouraged me to be patient and if it was meant to be we would reconnect.

I did not say it aloud but her words sounded a lot like what I would tell Ellie after each of her breakups. When I knew whatever relationship she was in at the time was really over but had nothing more encouraging to add.

---

The network interviewed me in my condo. I didn't hold back, nor did I try to sugarcoat my past. It was raw and honest. They seriously hyped the interview and promoted it as a two-hour special to be aired on a Sunday night.

The night it aired Jill and Jane gathered at my apartment to offer their support. They knew I would be hearing some things for the first time and wanted to be there for me.

In a lot of ways I was glad it was only these two wonderful people by my side as I told the world my feelings for the first time.

The first parts were embarrassing as I revealed my ugly past for the world to see. Watching them talk to all my friends from back then was mixture of funny and heartbreaking.

I wanted to hug my parents when they reappeared and communicated their pride in how I turned my life around in New York and how they lived for the times when my son and I would come for a visit. They made clear their elation in my telling them we would be moving back.

I smiled when they showed pictures of my precious child growing up. I laughed often while telling stories to illustrate how wonderful he truly was.

I almost couldn't take it when the topic turned to Hunter's death and the time that followed. The world saw me crying almost uncontrollably as I relived that terrible day and the ones that followed.

I cringed when my family told of how I acted at the funeral home and how I shut down. My coworkers told of how I always put a smile on in the office but my fake cheeriness was transparent. They talked about how I tried to make everyone at ease but kept them at arm's length to hide my sorrow.

I folded myself as tightly as I could into my couch as I watched my family talk of their worry for me. It was painful to hear how they were expecting a call at any moment saying I had voluntarily joined my son on the other side.

I relaxed when I witnessed myself fondly telling of Adam finding me in the elevator and how he and his sister brought me back. I hugged my dear friend as Jane talked about the despair she felt when she saw me the night Adam called her.

It was bittersweet to watch myself telling stories from how Jane and Adam slowly brought me back to the now. Everyone laughed when I talked about how I ran from Adam initially and how his kind heart finally won mine.

Jane squeezed my hand while we watched her speak of her joy at seeing our love blossom.

The love I still held for Adam was obvious to anyone watching when they watched me speak of our time together.

The room filled with tension when the interviewer asked me about the night of my performance and I spoke of the elation of seeing so many friends and the regret of leaving as I did. Gracie and Liz spoke of their joy and told how I had Adam fool them with the poster. Both girls smiled at me when the producers interspersed clips of the three of us discussing how it felt when I stepped on stage.

My emotions were mixed as I viewed Tim and Jess smile as they discussed seeing me perform and how it made them feel like time reversed itself. Their happiness turned to remorse when they talked about how maybe they could have prevented everything had they only been more vocal in the beginning.

I couldn't look at the screen when I told of my anger at Razor's tribute and how Adam had to hold me back. Everyone told of their rage upon hearing him say what he did after knowing Razor had never even acknowledged having a son.

The network made it a point to show how far he had fallen from his glory days when we were together to his multiple drug related and domestic violence arrests prior to the band's brief reunion. They included a few interviews after Hunter was born where he always expressed his disdain for children and that he never wanted to be a father. I believe they did it to combat what Reginald had told the press.

Due to the fact that Razor had not yet gone to trial I could not share the specifics of what happened in the room that night. I could only talk about the aftermath.

The fear of the night returned when I shared how his attack felt and what was running though my mind before I lost consciousness. I talked of waking up in the ambulance wanting to see Adam and the paramedics' urgent words as we got close to the hospital.

My heart broke watching Ellie share her panic at watching what she thought was my death in front of her. Tim and Jess expressed their guilt at once again not being able to protect me.

I reached out to Jane when she broke down in front of the cameras as she talked about her fear while watching me being tended to and watching what she believed to be my lifeless body being wheeled out of the club.

I had to step out of the room as Mom and Dad talked of receiving the call from Ellie telling them to get to the hospital if they wanted to tell me goodbye.

I couldn't control the tears as Jane and Ellie told of the looks the paramedics gave them as they wheeled me in. My tears became worse as they told how all my friends reacted when the same paramedics came back out to talk to them explaining that if anyone believed in prayer I needed a lot of them because it didn't appear likely I would make it.

I was thankful Adam declined to be interviewed because there was no way possible I could have listened to the pain he endured.

I spoke of waking up in the hospital after the incident but did not speak of seeing Hunter. Everyone spoke of their elation when the doctor emerged telling them I would survive.

I told of the humility I felt from the outpouring of love I received in the aftermath.

I reached out to Jill when she told of her experience seeing me onstage and the chaos afterward. She laughed about how the office reacted to finding out and cried when sharing how important I had become to her and how it hurt her to see so many lies being told. Once again she began to cry when she told how she had personally witnessed most of the recent events and none of what was being said was true.

I walked over and gave her the biggest hug possible for her support.

I walked in the kitchen while on the screen I talked about my recovery and how I would never had made it without Jane and Adam. While getting a drink I heard Jane talk about my mental state after Adam and I split. Telling everyone how devastated I was. She didn't come out and say it but strongly implied that I had a good reason end it.

I was caught off guard when Robert and Kevin spoke of the night Robert and I performed the impromptu duet. They called me the ultimate performer, saying how I could paste a smile like nobody else when the spotlight was on but I couldn't hide the sadness when I thought nobody was looking.

I was horrified when I saw Jane speaking about my diminished emotional state. Both Jill and Jane quickly embraced me and cried as they listened to Jane explain how lost I had become without Adam in my life.

It suddenly occurred to me Adam might be watching. I reached over and grabbed Jane. "Get upstairs and make sure he's okay." Jane jumped up. "Shit, I wasn't thinking, everything just spilled out as I was talking."

I turned my attention back to the television as Jane ran out the door. The interviewer asked me point blank about the rumors of Robert and I.

I explained how we were nothing more than very good friends and how I had no desire to date because after Adam any other man just didn't quite measure up. I expressed my hopes that with time I would be able to get over it but as it was, I planned to remain very single for a very long time.

The rest of the show focused on the rise of the duet and once again went back to all my friends emphatically stating that the person portrayed in the tabloids was not the person they knew.

Anger flooded me and I couldn't help but feel as if I'd been ambushed as I saw an advertisement for a tabloid news show that featured Nikki's face on screen.

While Jill and I were waiting for the local news to end so we could hear what she had to say, Gabriel and Anna called expressed again their love and support. They could not believe I had managed to keep so many things to myself. I articulated my deep love and thanked them for everything.

My door bell rang causing both of us to jump. Jill ran to answer it as my parents rushed in hugging me and apologizing. I continued to tell them it was okay. While still not sure if I could trust them as I once did, it was nice to have them in my life again.

Jill sat quietly in the corner until I walked over and pulled her into the group explaining that she was now part of my family. Mom and Dad embraced her and told her she was a welcome addition.

We were very relaxed and happy until the show came on. Nikki told how her and Adam were still married. She spoke of my threat in the restaurant and then of our exchange on the video shoot and finally of my decision to "abandon" Adam after he agreed to support her unborn child causing him to push her from his life. Never once did she mention that the child was not his but she was quick to play up the fact we were related for sympathy.

She sounded rather convincing, but I still could not believe my parents could believe I was capable of doing all the things she said.

After the show ended Jill and I fumed over the fact Adam's ex had been so blatant with her lies and the show aired them without asking my side of what she said.

Since I had never discussed any of the topics, my parents still didn't seem entirely convinced. Mom looked at me with a small amount of trepidation. "Can we talk about all this? Did that really happen?"

Before I had a chance to respond Jill leapt from the couch and got into Mom's face. "Seriously Mrs. Collins? If she has to explain her actions to you, of all people, then I think you need to leave."

Mom's pushed my friend away. "This is none of your concern Jill."

I stood and walked to my front door. "I think it's time for you both to leave. It was good to see you."

Mom flew into a rage and stormed over to me and slapped me like she used to do when I was a teenager. "We are going to talk about this young lady."

I laughed as I grabbed her hair. "Oh Mother Dear, I'm not a little girl anymore. Nobody gets to lay a hand on me. Get the hell out of my home."

Before Dad had a chance to react I dragged her outside of my apartment. As soon as we were in the hall my father was at my side. I shoved her into him. "Get out of my building. If you are going to even consider that waste of Collins DNA over me then stay out of my life."

My father started to protest. "We just need to hear your side of the story Liberty."

I shook my head. "No you don't. You've already made up your mind about what kind of daughter you raised."

I spun around to my mother. "And you! She's not even your blood and you're so quick to assume to worst from me." I moved my eyes between my parents. "Both of you can go to hell."

They didn't make a move to leave when Jill rushed to my side.

I grabbed Jill's phone from her hand. "If you don't leave I'm calling security."

With a sigh they turned toward the elevator and I walked back in my apartment.

After I calmed down, I finally called Jane to find out about Adam. I didn't tell her about my parents since I figured she had a full plate and I was right. She told me she couldn't talk but quietly confirmed he was every bit the mess we thought he would be. I quickly asked if he had seen the show with Nikki. I could tell from the string of profanity that escaped her lips he had. She told me she'd call later and had to get back to Adam.

After that I tried calling Ellie to thank her for all her kind words but yet again she did not answer.

Chapter Twenty-seven

When my alarm went off the next morning Jane walked in with a fresh cup of coffee. I could tell immediately she hadn't slept and was almost at her breaking point.

I jumped up and pulled her to me. "Is he that bad?"

As if opening a relief valve Jane burst into tears. "I've never seen him like this. He wouldn't stop crying and I've never seen him cry except when we thought you were going to die. I'm so scared, I don't know what to do."

I felt terrible for my friend, and incredibly guilty because I knew Adam's mental state was all my fault. "I'm sorry, should I go talk to him?"

Jane shook her head. "No, I don't think he wants to see you. If he had any doubt how much you love him, it was erased last night. He told me he expected you to trash him after everything that happened. It tormented him when your eyes sparkled when speaking of him and your voice was so full of the love he knew."

I pulled back to look at Jane. "If he knows I love him then why won't he see me? All he has to do is ask and I will come running."

"Because he believes he is bad for you and that all he does is hurt you. He told me you were right and he knows he needs to grow up but he says he doesn't know how. He can't live without you but he thinks you are better off without him."

I immediately stood and held out my hand to Jane. "Give me your keys."

"What? Why?" She asked with surprise in her voice.

"I have to go talk to him."

She shook her head. "He's not home. He took off on the bike about twenty minutes ago. He said he needed to clear his mind."

I sank back into my mattress. "What am I going to do?"

Jane sighed and slumped down beside me. "Would you be willing to wait for him to grow up?"

I nodded. "Definitely. I'm willing to wait until the end of time."

We were interrupted when Jill ran into the room carrying her laptop. "Sara you have to read this."

I looked at the screen she slid in my lap and saw where Curt, the director of the video, went straight to his personal blog immediately after the interview aired to tell the entire story of the video shoot.

Jane laughed as Jill opened another window. "And look at this."

I was shocked when I realized someone at the restaurant the day Adam and I split had recorded the entire episode and shared it with a news site. Jill then clicked on another story that told how quite a few of Nikki's acquaintances stepped forward to state that there was no way Adam could have fathered her child since she was traveling with Xenolith during the time she would have become pregnant. Jill finally clicked the last one where members of Adam's former band stepped forward to defend him saying that she had left him many months before he and I started dating.

"Just so you know, after their little show last night, I forwarded every one of those to your parents. Let them choke on that." Jill said bitterly.

I shrugged. "Oh well, the damage's been done now. I don't care what they think anymore."

Jane looked at us. "Have I missed something?"

I tried to give Jane the short version of my parent's visit but Jill interrupted with a full play by play.

"That's just… I don't even know what to say." Jane said after Jill finished.

I stood up so I could hop in the shower. "I know, sis. I know."

---

As soon as I arrived at the office Jill informed me that my mentor had already called.

Not the best way to start the day but whatever I thought as I sat behind my desk and reached for the phone.

"Good morning. Jill said you called, what can I do for you?" I said brightly.

Gabe sounded rather unhappy. "Caro, I am hearing bad things."

I sighed. "Not you too. Please tell me you don't believe that junk."

"About what that terrible girl said? No, not for one second. I want to know about your progenitore."

I rubbed my forehead. Mother must have called Anna already.

"What have you heard? Who told you?"

"Your madre phoned Anna this morning and said you assaulted her and kicked them out of your home."

"I hope she told you why I did it."

"She only said she was worried for you."

"Gabe, you know I love you and Anna so out of respect I will tell you that my mother provoked me by slapping my face. She and my father have made it quite clear what type of person they believe me to be and I have reached a point in my life where I refuse to allow anyone in my life that can't be a positive influence."

"But they are the only family you have left caro."

"That is where you're wrong Gabe. You and Anna are my family. The two of you have done more for me than they ever did. This is not negotiable."

Gabe sighed. "Why must you be so hard-headed? If your decision is final then you must return home with us where you belong."

"Sorry. That is not an option. I'm not leaving my friends. I told you before, my life is here now."

"If that is your decision then know I will start informing your clients this afternoon that their accounts will be handled from this office since I'm closing your branch within the month."

My anger spiked and I did something I never thought possible.

I stood up to Gabe.

"I love you and have nothing but respect for you, but you need to understand I am not the helpless, broken girl Anna brought home. You taught me everything you know, including how to be ruthless when the situation calls for it."

"You taught me how to be independent and self sustaining. You pushed me out of your nest so I could thrive but now you want to hide me in your lonely tree again. If I have learned anything from all I've been through it's that running is never the answer. I'm sorry Gabe, but I can't do that and it's wrong for you to force me."

I took a deep breath to steel my resolve. "So, with that being said, I respect your decision Mr. Moretti and you had better respect mine. I am staying here and starting my own agency. The way I see it is you have two options, you either allow my employees and myself out of our non-compete clause or I will be forced to sue you for termination without cause."

"Also, remember it was your idea I invest in real estate to diversify. Remember who owns the building this branch is located in? Mr. Moretti, you can either relinquish your lease without penalty or I expect to receive payment on the remaining nine years of your lease within three months of your shuttering this office."

Gabe gasped. "You are serious aren't you?"

"Yes sir, very much so. You taught me everything you know, and if you add that into everything I have learned along the way, do you not think I can do the few things needed from your office until I can build a staff fully capable?"

When he said nothing, I continued to rail. "I have been trying to bring our company into the twenty-first century for awhile now, and if you want to continue to be a stubborn old man I'll just have to show you with my success that I'm smarter and stronger than you ever imagined."

Gabe was silently for a moment. I was about say something else when he spoke again. "I want to be sure I understand. Are you are telling me you refuse to move?"

I leapt to my feet and screamed into the phone. "I'm not going anywhere."

"And if I close the office, you will take me to court."

Once again I my emotions were in overload as I started to cry angrily into the phone. "Damn right I will. This agency is all I have left and I'll be damned if I'll let you take it away on a whim."

Gabe's voice remained calm. "Can you explain to me why you would do such a thing?"

"Because I'm tired of taking care of everybody else. It's time I take care of myself. My career is all I have and I'll be damned if I leave it in the hands of someone who has such a warped view of what is right for me."

Gabe sighed loudly into the phone. "I'll call you later with my decision."

Jill entered as soon as she saw I ended the call. "I guess you're moving."

I frowned. "What makes you think that?"

She shrugged sadly. "You got kinda loud."

I started to smile. "No, the only moving we might do is to a different office."

Before she had a chance to ask, I explained everything.

Jill laughed. "Wow, I can't imagine standing up to my boss like that."

I arched my eyebrow as I stared at her. "Excuse me? I think you have before."

She shifted nervously and giggled. "You're different. I couldn't see myself even thinking about talking to Mr. Moretti like that."

I laughed again. "You need to understand, I see him how you see me. I have not done anything for you that Gabe and Anna have not done for me."

Jill nodded appreciatively but still seemed nervous about something.

"What's on your mind?" I asked.

"What's what?" She responded defensively.

"There's something you want to say or ask. I can't tell what it is, but I know you have something going on up there."

Jill shifted from side to side. "Lily wants me to move in, but I don't know. I mean, I don't want to leave you alone."

I became panicked. "You're not quitting are you?"

She gasped. "Oh no. Are you kidding me? I'd never leave this job. I was only talking about moving out of your apartment."

I released a sigh of relief as I studied her closely. I only wanted what's best for her but they had not known each other that long but by the same token, she spent most of her time there anyway. "Is that something you want to do?"

She stared at me is as I were missing a few brain cells. "I think so. I love her but don't want to leave you while you still need me."

I chuckled and shook my head. Was I becoming so hardened by life that I couldn't recognize young love when I saw it? I did the same thing at her age and nobody could have talked me out of it but this wonderful girl was willing to say no so she could take care of me. I didn't deserve such a friend.

I walked around my desk and hugged the amazing young woman who had become such an important part of my life. "Don't worry about me, I'm fine. I only want the best for you. Just know that if anything happens, I'll always have a room for you."

Jill smiled as tears filled her eyes. "I can't believe you'd think I could just quit like that."

I shook my head sadly. "I'm sorry. Life has trained me to expect the worst from those I care about."

She hugged me tightly. "You're my big sister and all the family I have. I'm not going anywhere."

I returned her embrace. "I feel the same way."

I turned when my private line started to ring. Only seven people had that number. Two of them were kicked out of my apartment last night, two were in New York, one hasn't tried calling it in over a month, one only texts me then I call her and the last was standing beside me.

Jill reached for it immediately before I stopped her. "This can't be good." I sighed before picking up the receiver. "Sara Collins."

"I made my decision." Gabe said without any of the normal niceties.

I braced myself for the worst. "Yes sir, and what would that be?"

Gabe laughed with delight. "I have no doubt that you can do anything you set your mind to. You truly are stronger than I ever imagined. You make me proud."

Jill looked on with confusion as I visibly relaxed as I responded. "What do you mean?"

I could feel his smile through the phone. "I mean you, dear one, are everything I could hope for you to be. You are finally the fierce woman I knew you to be. I wondered if you would ever see it for yourself, but now that you have, you fill this old man with such pride. I could not imagine loving my own child more than I love you."

I filled with warmth. "I love you too, but let's not change the subject just yet. Where do we stand?"

Gabe laughed joyously. "I'm not closing anything on one condition."

I braced for the worst. "What is that?"

I felt like I was talking to different man than I was not twenty minutes prior. "I insist you join the board of directors."

I collapsed in my chair. "Join the board? Why?"

"For three reasons caro. One, your mind has too much knowledge for me not to use. Two, you are headstrong enough to do the right thing even when I might disagree and three, I can be guaranteed to see you at least once per quarter."

I laughed. "I'd come visit you anyway."

Gabe laughed again. "I know but now it will be more often."

"Thank you Gabe."

"It is I who should be thanking you for showing this old man right from wrong. You need to call Anna soon, she worries for you."

I smiled into the phone. "I'll call her tonight. I love you."

"I love you too." Gabe responded before he hung up.

As I placed the receiver back into the cradle Jill shook her head. "Did what I think just happened really happen?"

I smiled. "If you mean not only is the office staying open, but I also received a promotion, then yes it did."

Jill smirked at me. "Does that mean I'm now an Executive Personal Assistant?"

I laughed. "I guess it does. I need to check, but I'd say there might be a raise included since you'll probably have to travel to New York with me at least once a quarter."

Her eyes lit up. "You mean a raise and free travel?"

I nodded as her excitement level increased. "I believe so."

She jumped from her seat. "I need to get back to work. Can I get you anything?"

I thought for a moment. "Hold all my calls until I say otherwise. I need to look over some things I have been putting off."

"Sure thing."

When I first began investing in blighted buildings Gabe suggested we find a small firm that would be willing to form a partnership and would work solely on my projects to ensure that my satisfaction were their primary concern. I let him handle the details in the beginning because he was much better at such things than I could ever be.

He found such a partnership with a small outfit we renamed Top Vision. In the beginning Top Vision was called McPhee Construction and was owned by three brothers. The only brother I had met personally was Nick. He had always come across as a very likable and honest guy. He always made me feel as if I could trust him and respected my wishes without hesitation.

I called Gabe back after I looked into my properties and found a few things I didn't like. He suggested I set up a meeting with my contractors to discuss a few critical delays and troubling budget increase requests.

The rest of the day progressed without a hitch. The phone at the office rang off the hook with prospective new customers wanting to set up meetings. It was a long day but thankfully I was so busy I didn't really notice.

Chapter Twenty-nine

My phone buzzed as I walked in the door of my apartment

"what time will u b ready?"

I immediately called Jane. "Hey sis, what’s happening?"

"Where are you?" Jane sounded like she was crying.

"I'm at home. What's wrong?" Her tone scared me.

Jane sounded desperate. "I’ll be there in a few, don’t go anywhere."

"I can come to you, where are you?" I wasn't sure I wanted her to drive in her state.

"No, you draw too much attention these days when you go out. I’ll come to your place." Jane insisted.

She had a point, ever since the duet took off I couldn’t go anywhere without being surrounded by autograph seekers. I knew if she needed to talk, here would be the best place for that.

"Okay sis, be careful."

Jane used to her key to let herself in. She looked horrible. I thought she looked bad after I got stabbed but that paled in comparison to pain in her eyes when she finally closed the door behind her.

I rushed to wrap my arms around her, her tears released as we embraced.

My first thought was that something happened to her brother. My heart sank to my stomach. "What's wrong sis? Did something happen to Adam?"

Jane shook her head. "Nothing other than losing his damn mind."

"What happened?"

Jane sobbed. "He sold the bar!"

I stepped back aghast. "He did what?"

"He sold the bar, no warning or anything. I thought we were supposed to be partners. I don’t know what I'm going to do."

"How can he do that? The lease is nontransferable." I asked.

"He fronted all the money so everything's in his name. I was so stupid. I trusted him and he left me high and dry."

"What was he thinking?" I suddenly became concerned he was slipping back to the evil version of himself.

"You know I was worried about him when he left this morning. I was at his place waiting for him to get home and he just walked in a few minutes ago saying it held too many memories and handed me a check saying it was for my share. He says he's moving away."

I quickly realized selling the bar was probably the best thing Adam could do for his mental well being but I could not say that to Jane.

I clamped my hands on hers. "What can I do?"

"I don't know. I just need to talk."

I led her to the couch. "Of course, sis. I'm always here for you. You know that."

I stepped to the bar and mixed her a drink as she vented. "I don't understand him. Like I said, ever since the photo shoot fiasco he's been different. He totally ignores the girls who hit on him. Nikki stopped by right after he walked in and they went into his office to talk. I was scared they were getting back together but she came out ten minutes later in tears mumbling to herself something about never measuring up to older models."

I laughed to myself when I handed her a drink and took a seat in the chair across from her as she continued. "I've never seen him like this. It's like he doesn't care about anything anymore. Not the club, not personal hygiene, not me, nothing. He only showed up when he felt like it and even when he was there he was so grumpy everyone wanted him to leave again."

I frowned and wanted to interrupt her and ask how much of his actions were my fault but this was about her, not me.

Jane looked up and saw my face. "I know you well enough to know you're blaming yourself for this but you can't. My brother's a grown ass man and needs to learn to handle his own shit storms. I've been there for him his entire life and he thanks me by taking away my livelihood without even a warning. If he'd just told he what he was considering I'd have either bought him out or helped him sell it. What kind of man does this to his sister?"

I leaned forward. "I don't know. I'll be more than happy to help you sis, you know that."

Jane shook her head. "I'll be fine. I don't need your help."

"And why not? Lord knows you've helped me enough."

Damn it, she's going to let me help her!

"That’s different!"

I glared at her. "How?" I crossed my arms over my chest. "Please Jane, tell me how it's different. I see someone I love who needs help I can provide. How's that any different from what you've done for me?"

Jane shrugged, "I don’t know, it just is."

I shook my head. "No it isn’t and you know it. Just for the record I'm every bit as hard headed as you are so you just need to sit back and say ‘Thanks, sis.’"

Jane laughed as she wiped her eyes. "Thanks, sis."

"Sit down, let me get us another drink."

While I mixed a couple of drinks I tried to formulate a plan on how to best help my best friend. She'd always taken care of everyone else, she needed to take some time to take care of herself. I had an idea. I just needed to convince her.

"How much do you have saved up?" I asked her as I returned with her beverage.

"A little, enough to get by for a few months maybe more with the check Adam gave me."

Jane reached in her back pocket and handed me the check Adam gave her. The check was for three hundred thousand dollars. Adam didn't exactly leave her high and dry but she was so raw and emotional that I didn't mention it.

"Do you still want to run the bar?"

Jane shrugged, "I don’t know, I don’t enjoy it like I used to."

"If you want to keep the bar I'd be happy to become a silent partner. All you have to is give the word and I'll refuse to sign a new lease."

Jane stared at me as if I were speaking a foreign language. "What do you mean refuse a new lease?"

I smiled. "I own the building."

Jane shook her head. "No you don't, we rent from Hunture Holdings."

I nodded. "I know, that is the company I set up to manage my properties. Gabriel wanted me to start investing for the future and since Hunter was my future I couldn't think of a better name."

Jane laughed wickedly. "I should do it just to teach him a lesson but I'm not sure. I only did it for him to begin with."

"If you don't then do you have any ideas what you would rather do?"

"I have a few ideas I might try, I’m not sure."

I saw my opportunity to put my plan into action.

"How attached are you to your apartment?"

Her look was puzzled. "What kind of question is that?"

I kept my expression stern. "Just answer my question."

"It’s a place to lie my head, why?"

"When's your lease up?"

"Actually I am supposed to sign a new one next month. What are you getting at?"

"Well," I took a drink, "You're here most of the time anyways, we get along great, and I have that spare…"

Jane waved her hands at me "Oh no, I can’t move in here!"

"Why not?"

"This is your place plus you have Jill. I'd be in the way."

"So what? Jill's moving out tonight and it’s lonely here by myself. Just think of the money you'll save while looking for something else."

Jane stood and shook her head. "I can’t do that."

"Yes you can, it'll be fun. We get along great, we already know we wouldn't get on each other's nerves since you lived here while I was recovering, what’s the difference?"

I knew I was getting through when she pouted at me. "Good point."

I smiled across up her, "I know it is. Besides most weekends I'm off performing somewhere with Robert so you’d have the place to yourself or since you're not working you could go with me."

Jane nodded. "That’s true."

I looked at her pleadingly, "You know how much I hate being alone. It gives me too much time to think and we both know what happens when I think too much."

Jane laughed, "you start thinking then start drinking."

I nodded. "Exactly! So you'll move in?"

"You don’t mind?" She asked timidly.

I was emphatic. "Hell no, I'd love it! I hate living in this big place by myself."

Jane finally gave me the smile I'd been looking for. "Then yes, I’ll move in roomie."

"Yay!" I jumped up to hug her neck as I moved into phase two of my plan.

When Jane started acting as my manager and refusing to be paid I contacted my lawyers to deduct ten percent of everything I made from the deal and placed it into an account in Jane’s name.

I pulled the last statement from my desk and handed it to her. "That reminds me, I put the money my manager should have received into escrow in the name of the person who's been acting as my manager."

Jane screamed in anger. "You did WHAT?"

I maintained my cool demeanor. "I told you what I did. So now between this and the check Adam gave you, you have a nice little nest egg to get by on."

Jane stomped her foot, which made me laugh thinking of Hunter’s fits, before she shrieked. "I told you I didn’t want any pay. I did that as a friend!"

I felt a smirk cross my lips. "And I did this as a friend. I told you that I wanted to pay you. How many times do I have to tell you? I am not hurting financially."

I explained things further. "Between the profits from the ad agency, my multiple investments, the money I made from Bellero and Annihilation, the money from other artists recording my songs, the payoff from the record labels and the settlement from the company that owned the truck that killed Hunter I've become wealthier than I ever let on. I have money invested all over the place. I could retire right now and live comfortably for the rest of my life if I wished."

Jane looked bewildered. "That’s not the point."

I dismissed her argument with a wave of my hand. "Look, I don’t care. The fact is the money is there and it's in your name. You can use that money to do anything you want and more gets added as the song climbs the charts and more copies are sold as well as every time I get paid to sing at one of Robert's shows. You can take all the time you need to figure out what it is you want to do next."

Jane prepared to speak again but I cut her off.

"I am not taking no for an answer. You've helped me in ways that you'll never know. You saved my life and my sanity more times than I can count. I wouldn't be here right now if not for you. Good Lord Jane, after everything you've done for me please let me do this."

Jane allowed a small grin to cross her lips. "You really aren't going to let me say no are you?"

"Nope." I responded before sticking my tongue out at her.

Jane shook her head, obviously still overwhelmed. "Can I ask you a question? You don't have to answer if you don't want."

"Of course I will, what do you want to know?"

My dearest friend appeared embarrassed. "How rich are you?"

I knew she would keep my secrets. That woman could hold her tongue like no one else. "You know how your brother likes to brag about his bank account?" She nodded so I continued. "Well, I paid almost that much in taxes last year."

She leaned back. "I'd have never guessed. That explains why you never seemed impressed when he brought it up."

"Gabe taught me it's better if nobody knows how deep your pockets are, else their hands will try to dig deeper."

"Makes sense."

"You do know I'm not letting you leave tonight don't you?"

Jane laughed. "I kinda had that feeling."

I smiled. "Good, now we don't have to fight about it. I'll order a pizza and we can just relax with a good movie or something and not worry about anything til tomorrow."

Jane shook her head as she looked at the statement again. "From the looks of it, I won't have to worry about anything for a long time."

I leaned into her shoulder. "That was the idea."

Chapter Thirty

"Damn, do you have an important meeting today or something? You look like hell in high heels." Jane exclaimed as I reached the kitchen.

"Something like that. I have to deal with a problem today and figured since I need to be a bitch I needed to look the part."

Jane examined my black pants and matching tailored jacket that covered a red silk top. She laughed when she noticed me wearing four-inch pumps. "You're going for a TPS aren't you?"

I looked at her questionably when she explained. "A Total Power Switch. You want the men to know who's in charge don't you?"

This was not going to be pleasant conversation and I had prepared myself for a fight. "Damned right I do. I feel sorry for anyone who tries to railroad me today."

Jane handed me a cup of coffee. "You go girl."

---

I called Gabe for last minute advice as I drove to the office of Top Vision.

"Mia Cara. Just be the strong woman you have recently shown yourself to be. If you feel they are trying to bamboozle you then don't hesitate to pull your business and demand payment for your share of their company."

I laughed at how my mentor made everything sound so cut and dried. "It can't be that easy can it Gabe?"

"Yes it can. Remember, they work for you. Someone in their company is stealing from your pocket. Demand that heads must roll if they wish to continue doing business. We employ powerful lawyers for a reason. This is your company so you must do what you feel is right and I will support whatever decision you make."

"I'm pulling into the parking garage so I need to go. Thank you Gabe. I love you, please send Anna my best."

"I will. I love you too dear one."

I placed my phone back into my purse as I stepped into the elevator and hit the button for the top floor. One floor later the doors opened and to my surprise, Ellie's boyfriend Greg stepped in before hitting the button for the same floor I had already pressed.

"Hello Greg." I said after he moved to the opposite corner.

He turned and appeared surprised as well as less than pleased to see me. "Hello Liberty. I'd say this was a pleasant surprise but I would be lying. If you are coming to see Ellie then you will be disappointed."

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not here to see either of you but since you brought the subject up. You mistreat her in anyway and I will find a way to hurt you. You have her so twisted she can't see you for the bastard you are."

His eyes filled with rage as he started to lift his hand as if to strike before the doors opened to our destination. "If you will excuse me, I have an important meeting to attend. Unlike some people I actually have to work for a living. Not all of us can survive off royalty checks and settlements."

I followed him out of the elevator ready to unleash to furies of hell until I saw my cousin staring stone faced at me. "What are doing here Lib?"

I brushed past her. "Don't get all self-righteous. I'm not here for you; I have business that I need to conduct. You've let it be known where we stand so I'm done trying to help those who don't want it."

Greg grabbed her tightly by the arm before she had a chance to respond and led her down the hallway.

While waiting for the meeting to start, I focused my anger into a renewed purpose. I was going to get satisfaction from this meeting if it was the last thing I did.

I walked into their conference room with confidence. A calm surrounded me as the secretary escorted me to the table where the brothers McPhee waited.

Nick rose quickly and pulled back my chair. "Hello Sara. Good to see you again."

I smiled. "Nick, you too." I nodded to the other brothers. "Hello gentlemen."

Nick pointed to a man similar to himself with a large build and sandy brown hair. "This is my brother Gary."

He then started to point to his other brother who looked as if he were staring at ghost when I smiled. "Hello Greg. You seem surprised to see me?"

Greg straightened his jacket and nodded. "Get out of here, Liberty. I don't appreciate you barging into my place of business to cause trouble."

I looked to Nick who was bewildered to the point of immobilization. "You need to explain to your brother who is the money behind this operation."

Nick snapped back to reality and glared at Greg. "Sara is the sole investor of The Hunture Group and as such you will treat her with the respect she deserves."

I stepped away from the seat Nick had offered and made my way to head of the table. They expected an informal discussion and I needed to set the proper tone from the beginning. I reached for the papers in my briefcase and handed copies to all three men. "Gentleman, we have problems."

Nick and Gary stared at me in bewilderment as Greg's posture straightened. "What do you mean?"

I shifted my entire focus on him. "What I mean is… If you and your brothers think you can get away with embezzlement then you are sorely mistaken."

Greg's brothers looked on with concern. "What are you talking about?"

"If you look at the pages I handed you. You will notice the discrepancies I have found and I find it very disappointing that after all this time you feel the need to resort to theft. I believe I have been more than fair as far as our partnership is concerned. We have been in business together for many years and we have all profited greatly, but rest assured, I will not hesitate to exercise my rights to replace the three of you with people I can trust."

Greg quickly became indignant. "How dare you walk in and threaten us. You have no right."

I laughed as I stood and leaned across the table toward him. "I have every right when I own controlling interest and you attempt to steal from me. Contrary to what you believe, I'm not someone who rested on my laurels. I bettered myself and every building this company has worked on is mine. Every dime you have made in the last seven years has been because of me. So next time you want to cast your judgmental eye, you make damn sure you know who you are looking at."

Nick slammed the paper I handed him on the table. "What did you do Greg?"

Greg glared at his brother. "Me? What do you mean what did I do? I have done nothing. You can't tell me you actually believe her? She's only trying to cause trouble to hurt me"

I glared at him. "Why would I do that? I didn't even realize you worked for me until a few minutes ago. I'd much rather have things continue the way they had for the past six and half years where I could trust your company to abide by my wishes but since that's no longer possible, changes have to be made."

Gary shook his head as he continued to scan the numbers of the sheet. "Greg this explains so much. We wondered how you could afford everything you've been buying lately. The budget is your area. No wonder we have been having such a hard time getting supplies. You've ruined us."

Greg turned to his brother. "I haven't done anything other than increase our profits."

Nick jumped from his seat. "Don't act like this was a group effort. I've lost money in the last six months because we haven't been meeting our deadlines."

Gary looked over to me. "I apologize Sara, this is my fault. I should have known what is happening right under my nose. You'll have my resignation letter in the morning."

Nick nodded. "Mine too. We can clear out today or we can wait until you have found suitable replacements."

Greg jumped over the table at me with his fist clinched. "You're a fucking lying troublemaker just like I told Ellie. You can't fire me." He screamed.

Nick dove to grab his brother as I stepped forward unafraid. I stared down into his beady eyes. "Go ahead little man. Hit me if it makes you feel better but rest assured I will be the last woman you lay your hands on."

I shifted my attention to Gary and Nick. "I'm not going to fire anyone if you agree to my terms. As it stands right now, I am willing to leave you two in place." I turned back to Greg who appeared poised to attack again at any second. "I want you assigned to a lesser role within the company and I will arrange for an outside accounting firm to handle all finances. I will also expect repayment for all money stolen but we can make an arrangement so that it doesn't totally devastate you."

I jumped as Ellie burst in the room but quickly turned my attention back to Greg. "I'd just as soon put your ass on the street but it wouldn't only be you I was hurting. I love her too much to cause her any more pain but I guarantee you that if you so much as lay a finger on my cousin I will ruin you. You may not have known who I am but a lot of people do. How easy do you think it will be to get a job once I file charges for theft and let it be known what type of man you truly are?"

Greg's head dropped in defeat so I turned to Nick and Gary. "Gentlemen, would you consider this a fair agreement?"

Both men nodded as I gracefully moved to collect my briefcase. "In that case, my lawyers will be in touch with the new arrangements. Have a good day."

I stopped when I reached Ellie's side. The look of hatred she aimed at my direction hurt worse than any punch Greg could have thrown. "I know you hate me and I don't blame you, I've been a terrible friend."

I reached up to lightly run my finger across a knot above her eye that she obviously tried to hide under her makeup. "He did this to you didn't he? I know abuse when I see it and I don't care how much you try to deny it." When she didn't respond I sighed. "I've done all I can and you've been warned. You can do so much better than someone like that. I'm sorry about all this, you can let him hurt you but I'll be damned if I let him run over me."

I knew from the fire in her eyes that she was about to unleash on me but I didn't want her to say things that could never be unsaid so I raised my hand. "Don't. I love you too much to let you say anything that could make me hate you." I noticed her fist start to clinch. "And don't even think about hitting me because I will whip your ass all over this office and you know it. I'm leaving and you'll never hear from me again until you want me too. When you are ready you know where to find me."

I turned toward Greg again. "You listen, and you listen good, you sorry excuse for a man. I will be watching you like a fucking hawk and if you place so much as a toe out of line I will unleash my fury upon you. You already think I am a bad influence who ruins people's lives, but you ain't seen nothing yet. You should see how much I can ruin someone when I set my mind to it. Mistreat my cousin one more time and you will soon realize that I have powerful friends from coast to coast and beyond so there will nowhere to hide."

I strolled from the office with my head held high and heard the brothers arguing behind me.

I made it to the elevator before I dropped my wall and let the tears flow freely.

Chapter Thirty-one

It was nice having Jane around. When the single started to slide and fewer demands were made for my time, she helped to keep my thoughts away from how lonely I was, and how much I still missed Adam. It had been over six months and yet I still ached for him daily.

He moved away shortly after selling the club so I didn't have to worry about running into him but every time the elevator doors opened I selfishly prayed to see him standing there.

Some days were worse than others, one particularly bad day I decided to play my piano to take my mind off things.

"That’s a beautiful song, sounds kinda sad though. What is it?" Jane asked as she took a seat on the couch.

I shrugged, "I don’t know, it just kinda came to me as I sat here the other day."

"Are you ok?" Jane inquired.

"Yeah, why?"

"I don’t know, you've seemed lower than a snails butt the last few days."

Jane was right. I'd been down. I saw a blue Evoque two days ago being driven by an attractive young woman which made me realize Adam had actually moved on.

"No, I’m fine."

"You sure?" Jane pressed.

I put on my fake smile. "Yeah, I’m good. You heard from your brother lately?"

Jane immediately knew the reason for my melancholy and smiled sympathetically.

"Yeah, I talked to him earlier. He sounded pretty good, he's started a new business."

"Really? What type of business?"

Jane shrugged. "I’m not sure, he didn’t go into it with me."

I knew she was lying but I was in no mood to push it.

"Is he seeing anyone?" I prayed her answer was no but we're talking about Adam so the answer's probably yes.

"I don’t think so but then again I doubt he'd tell me if he was." Adam stopped talking to Jane about his personal life when he and I split.

"Good point."

"Play that song again, I really like it."

I start playing it again, this time humming the words I'd written to myself and Jane stopped me.

"You have lyrics too?"

I nodded sheepishly "They aren’t that good, I was just trying to get some feelings out."

"I want to hear them." She said eagerly.

I shook my head. "I don’t think so, I’d be embarrassed."

"Please?" Jane begged, "I won’t laugh I swear."

I sighed, "OK, please don’t judge me. I never let anyone hear my songs anymore."

"I won’t, I promise." She made a cross over her heart.

"Remember, you asked for this."

Jane smiled as I began to play.

"I lived my life in my own little shell,

Afraid to let anyone see my personal hell.

Then I met you and the pain began to fade.

But I resisted, scared of being played.

You came into my life and saw through my disguise.

I was helpless when I gazed into your eyes.

You kept pushing, I couldn’t fight your pull.

Our love was great, you made my life full.

We were perfect, you made me whole

We belonged together. Mind body and soul

My love for you will never stray

It only grows stronger with each passing day

We're meant to be together, you and I,

I'll love you til the day that I die.

You picked me up, my confidence grew

Your love turned me into someone new

I started to crave your tender touch

I never knew I could love so much.

Times got hard, you pulled away

I didn’t know what to do,

Didn’t know what to say

I didn’t want our love to go away

We were perfect, you made me whole

We belonged together. Mind body and soul

My love for you will never stray

It only grows stronger with each passing day

We're meant to be together, you and I,

I'll love you til the day that I die.

I ached so much I wasn’t sure I could survive

I missed the way you made me feel so alive

But you made me strong before you went astray

I had to leave though my heart wanted to stay

You were mine and I refused to share

To think of you with anyone else wasn’t fair

I trusted you with all my heart

Only to have you rip it apart

I did what my head said was right

But oh does my heart put up a fight

I miss you baby; I miss you so bad I ache

I fear my heart will never overcome this break.

We were perfect, you made me whole

We belonged together. Mind body and soul

My love for you will never stray

It only grows stronger with each passing day

We're meant to be together, you and I,

I'll love you til the day that I die.

I moved on and so have you

I should be happy but I’m so blue

I'm questioning my decision to flee

I don’t think it’s worth this misery

We were perfect, you made me whole

We belonged together. Mind body and soul

My love for you will never stray

It only grows stronger with each passing day

We're meant to be together, you and I,

I'll love you til the day that I die"

I chanced a look over at Jane as I finished and noticed a tear in her eye.

"That was beautiful," she sniffed.

"Thanks"

"I guess I don’t need to ask who that was about."

I dropped my head. "No you don’t"

"You want to talk about it?"

"No I don’t. It has to be this way."

"No it doesn't." She replied vehemently.

"I don’t want to talk about it."

"You still love him." Jane said more as a fact than as a question.

I sighed. "Yes. I always will."

Jane wisely decided to drop the subject. "Did you say you had other songs?"

"Yeah."

"Can I hear some of them?"

"Why?"

"Because you're good and I love to hear you sing."

"Let me a get another drink first."

"I’ll get it, you just play."

I stood up and retrieved my songbook from under the piano stool and waited to play another til Jane brought my drink.

"Wow, you have an entire book?" she asked.

I shrugged my shoulders, "I've had a few feelings to work through in the last year."

Jane nodded sadly. "Yeah, I guess this has been a crazy year."

I looked over at her with an incredulous glare, "That would be an understatement."

Jane folded her feet underneath her and leaned forward. "So, play me another."

---

"I know a music publisher who would love to hear these." Jane stated after I finish my third song.

"I don’t know, I just wrote them to work through my emotions"

Jane leaned forward. "Others have felt those same emotions, maybe by hearing these songs you'll help someone else."

I dropped my head, "I doubt anyone would record them."

"There's only one way to find out. So would you meet with them… for me?" A pleading expression washed over her face.

I gave in easily since I knew she'd keep after me til I did anyway. "Okay, just tell me when and where and I'll be there."

---

"Thanks for meeting with me David, I'll get my people to work up some examples of your changes as soon as possible," I said as I escorted David Reid from my office. "I'll call you and set something up when they're ready."

David smiled and offered his hand. "Sounds great Sara. Just let me know."

"Will do."

Business was going great. The deal finalizing my purchase had been completed a few weeks earlier. Gabe had decided to retire and offered me control of the company but I refused, explaining I already had a full life and didn't want the pressure of running the entire company. After realizing I wouldn't change my mind he offered to sell me the Nashville branch for the massive sum of one dollar before he sold the rest of his company to a rival firm.

We gave the local office the option of staying with me or transferring to New York. Proudly all the employees chose to stay on after I assumed total control. I was planning on promoting Jill soon in the hopes of grooming her to eventually take control.

Ellie had finally come to her senses about a month after I demoted Greg. Actually, it was Greg who dumped her. He believed that if she was no longer in his life then I would lessen my attention on him, but he was wrong.

With me no longer having to worry about how things would affect my cousin, I could go after him without abandon if he tried anything else…which he did. He went around to other investors letting them know how much we had bid on other properties in exchange for a price.

By the time my legal team had finished with him, he could not get a management job anywhere.

Ellie and I were not yet back to where we used to be but we were working on it and thankfully she accepted my offer to pay for her to return to school while also working part-time in the office doing whatever was needed. My plan was to eventually have Jill and Ellie as my right and left hand with both being able to run things if life took me in a different direction.

I might have let it slip to Matt that Ellie was single again and Matt might have told Jesse about it because about two weeks afterwards Jesse surprised me in the office and then stuck around until Ellie showed up.

They have been seeing each other ever since.

I picked up my messages and saw where my father had called. We were back on speaking terms, he came to me a few days after our blow up and were able to have a civil discussion about our feelings. Daddy showed genuine remorse and felt tremendous guilt over his actions, I forgave him but things have never been the same.

Mom and I were polite with each other but that was the extent of it. I think she still thought I ruined Nikki's life but never mentioned it again. I wouldn't say we were on good terms but at least we weren't on bad ones.

After everyone exposed Nikki as the trouble maker she was, her life fell apart. After a few conversations with her mother Becky I anonymously paid for her to get the therapy she needed as well as providing her with a job at one of the companies I owned.

A small part of me saw what could have happened to me if I had not had the goddesses steering the direction of my life, and I wanted to make sure Nikki had someone open a few doors for her.

Before I returned to my office Jill stopped me. "Sara, Jane called and says you have a meeting with some people from ANEW Publishing at five this afternoon, it’s at the ‘Sparrow’. She wants you to call her if you can’t make it."

"Why in the world it be there?" I thought aloud.

"It seemed odd to me as well, tonight is the night they host a show for writers."

"Oh, that explains a lot. Thank you Jill, do I have anything else scheduled at that time?" I asked.

"No, Mr. Reid was your last meeting for the day. Do you need me to go with you?" This was Jill’s subtle way of finding out the topic of my meeting. I smiled thinking how eager Jill always was to accompany me to anything associated with my music career.

"Is this meeting business related?" she asked.

I smirked at her, "Yes Jill, just not this business. I think it’s an informal meeting to discuss publishing some songs I've written."

Jill’s eyebrows lifted slightly, "I think you might need your assistant with you."

I couldn’t help but to laugh at her excitement. "Yes Jill, I believe I would."

Chapter Thirty-two

The Sparrow was one of the world’s preeminent listening rooms and the venue had gained worldwide recognition as a songwriter’s performance space. Located in a small strip mall outside of downtown Nashville, the hundred-seat venue was unassuming in appearance. Being so early, the crowd was rather sparse when Jill and I entered.

"Hey sis, hey Jill. I can’t believe you actually agreed to come." Jane exclaimed as she approached us.

I laughed. "You had that look last night. I knew I might as well get it over with or I'd never hear the end of it."

Jane giggled. "You know me too well, come. I have a few people I want you to meet."

I looked toward the booth Jane was leading us to and everyone sitting there looked so familiar but I had no idea where I knew them from.

"Sara this is Annie Weber, she is A&R with ANEW." Jane said as she introduced me to an unassuming thin brunette wearing a black tunic sweater and jeans.

I extended my hand to her, "Nice to meet you Annie."

"Great to finally meet you properly Sara." Annie said as she shook my hand eagerly.

Jane pointed to a younger sandy haired man in jeans and a tee covered with a red flannel shirt, "And this is Troy Chriss, he's the licensing agent."

I nodded. "Nice to meet you Troy."

"It’s an honor." Troy replied.

Jane then pointed toward a man who appeared to be my age. His copper hair and hazel eyes looked familiar somehow. He was better dressed than his counterparts in dark trousers, white button up oxford and blue sports coat. "And last but not least this is Terry Foust, he's the VP of ANEW."

I looked at Terry with a puzzled expression. "Nice to meet you Terry, have we met before? You look very familiar."

Terry grinned slightly as he stood to greet me "I believe we met at an after party awhile back, but you didn't stay very long."

I frowned thinking it was the night I had been stabbed before it dawned on me where I had met them all before. "Of course, I remember now. How nice to see you all again."

As if it wasn't bad enough that it seemed everywhere I turned something reminded me of Adam. Sitting at a table with his friends that he introduced to me the very first night we met only reinforced how much I still missed him.

Before I lost my nerve and ran away screaming I turned toward Jill who had been standing behind me. "Everyone this is my personal assistant and friend Jill Abernathy."

Everyone politely waved to Jill as she waved back.

We took our seats and ordered a drink when Terry began. "Jane tells us you have quite a catalog of songs you've written."

I nodded. "Yes, it was mainly just my way of dealing with things going on in my life. I’m not sure how good they are," I cut my eyes to my best friend, "but Jane was rather insistent."

Jane smirked at my remark.

Terry smiled warmly. "Yes she can be very persuasive." He glanced down when his phone beeped and he ever so slightly lifted an eyebrow toward Jane who appeared to nod in acknowledgement. I could be wrong, as their gestures were slight.

Terry turned his attention back to me, "We're still waiting on one person, he just informed me he was running late and to start without him. Sara would you do us the honor of playing one or two of your songs?"

Jane stood to excuse herself saying she needed to use the restroom. Before walking away she gripped my shoulder and leaned into my ear, "Play that first song you sang last night. The one about perfect."

I nodded and then made my way to the piano on the stage. The few people there gasped as they recognized me and realized I was about to sing. I couldn’t remember being so nervous performing before. I'd always had people surrounding me while I was on stage. First I was just a dancer with Annihilation, then I had Gracie and Liz with me and later I was always on stage with Robert. Even at the Jazz club I had a band around.

I took a deep breath as I sat behind the baby grand. "This one's called ‘Perfect’"

As I started singing I poured all my heartache into my voice. I noticed Jane greet a tall well-built man at the door with a hug. He had short dark hair and a goatee. I couldn’t get a really good look at him since I was still too vain to wear my glasses in public. He was wearing sport coat over a tee shirt and I assumed it must be the company president as they made their way to the table arm in arm.

The short haired man walked to the stage before I finished, I still wasn't able to get a good look since the room was dark and I had a spotlight in my tear stained eyes. Once I finished singing he stepped up to my side and pulled me into an embrace.

I recognized the feel immediately. Only one man ever had this effect with just a touch. I looked up to meet Adam’s crying eyes and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I've missed you so much," I sobbed into his shoulder.

"I've missed you too, baby. I was lost without you."

Adam placed a finger on my chin and tilted my face so that my lips met his. I ran my fingers through his sheared mane as I kissed him with all the passion and pain of the last few months. He returned my passion with his own.

After what felt like an eternity our kiss ended. I pulled back and once again ran my hand through what was left of his locks. "What happened to your hair?" I asked.

Adam grasped my hand and started to lead me to a corner table so we could talk in peace. "I cut it off, you told me to grow up so I did." He took a step back and motioned over his entire body. "What do you think?"

He looked better than ever. If someone had told me that he could look better than he did before I would have called them a liar but here he was, standing in front of me looking absolutely scrumptious.

I seductively licked my lips before responding, "I like it."

We sat down and Adam placed my hand in his. "I'm so sorry Sara, I've been miserable without you. A part of me died the day you left. Can you ever forgive me? I'll never hurt you again. I swear I'll never hurt you again."

I peered into Adam’s pleading dark eyes. "You hurt me, you hurt me worse than I ever thought possible."

Adam interrupted. "I know I did. I betrayed your love for me but I promise to make it up to you."

I gave Adam’s hand a squeeze. "Let me finish. I have to say this."

Adam nodded apologetically before I continued.

"That pain caused me to grow. I'm not the same woman you fell in love with. I'm stronger, I believe in myself now because of what you did. Have I been just as miserable as you? Yes, I have. I love you Adam, with all my heart, but as God is my witness if you ever do anything like that to me again you won’t get a third chance. Am I clear?"

Adam nodded his head. "Yes, I understand and I promise I will never so much as look at another woman ever again."

I laughed lightly. "Let’s not go that far. You're a man after all. You can look but if you touch so help me God, I'll cut something off that you need."

Adam chuckled, "yes Ma’am."

My expression turned serious again. "What now?"

Adam reached into his breast pocket and retrieved my engagement ring.

I placed my hand over his stopping him. "Adam, I’m not sure I'm ready for that back yet."

"Baby, if it’s not you then it’s not going to be anyone." Adam said as he dropped to his knee beside me. "You're my light, you're my day and my night. You once told me I could spend the rest of my life making up my mistakes to you. I've changed and it was you who changed me. I was a shell without you. I was such a fool.”

"I was the luckiest man alive and didn't realize it. I'm on bended knee before you begging for the chance, begging you to be my wife. Please say yes. I love you, I love your mood swings, I love the way you squinch your nose when you try to lie. I love how you fidget and lick your lips when you get nervous, I love how you look after your friends, I love how you get sassy after having too much tequila. I love how you twirl your hair in your fingers when you're deep in thought, I love how cling to me like a life raft after you have a nightmare, I love how you always made me a better man but most of all I love how you love me."

I gazed down at this humble, beautiful man who I loved more than I ever thought possible. He finally found his way back to me. I fell to my knees and wrapped my arms around my imperfect man as tears fell freely down my cheeks. "I love you so much."

"Is that a yes?" Adam asked as I tried to smother his face with kisses.

I placed my hands on either side of his face and gazed into his gorgeous eyes. "Yes, that is a yes. I will marry you."

Adam leapt to his feet and embraced me again, lifting my feet off the ground. "Oh baby, you've made me the happiest man alive."

I kissed his forehead and he spun me around "And you've made me the happiest woman."

Epilogue

"Elizabeth Jane Carson! I don’t hear you practicing!" I shouted out from the kitchen.

Lizzie giggled as she yelled, "It’s Daddy’s fault."

"Sorry Mom, you need to fuss at me. I had to get my hugs and kisses for the day, she's been slipping," Adam explained to me while laughing.

I walked to the living room from the kitchen where I'd been cooking and laughed as I saw my daughter’s long brown curls toss from side to side and I beamed as her bright blue eyes filled with happiness. Nothing warmed my heart more than hearing her laugh.

I knew my life was perfect as I sat beside my husband and daughter on the couch.

"Are you finished already?" I asked Adam before giving him a kiss.

"Just about," my husband sighed contently as he hugged his little girl tighter. "I hope we don’t have to do this again for at least another thirty years or more."

"Will Kevin be my uncle now?" Elizabeth asked excitedly.

I smiled at her, "He will be after tomorrow." I reached over and tickled my precious girl, "and you're going to be the prettiest little flower girl ever!"

"Is JJ going to be there too?" At four years old, my little girl was always so full of questions.

JJ stood for Jesse Junior. He’s Ellie and Jesse's son and is only two months younger than Elizabeth. They are best friends.

"Yes darling, he'll be there." Adam responded.

I leaned over to give both of them a kiss before I stood up. "I need to get back in the kitchen or I’ll never have everything ready in time."

"I still don’t understand why you didn’t just hire a caterer. It’s not like we can’t afford it," Adam said as I walked away.

"Honey, it’s not every day that your sister, my best friend, gets married. I want to make sure everything's just right. When she asked if she could get married here I knew that it was the least I could do. Plus I need to get everything done before our company arrives."

"Who are these people anyway? You have been in knots over their visit for a week now." My husband said with a questioning glance.

"Just some old friends. Two of them are the best makeup artists in the world. Like I said, I want everything to be perfect."

Adam tossed his hands up in defeat as I looked out the door to survey how our large back yard had been transformed. I loved how the arch was positioned in front of the lake.

Adam walked up behind me and wrapped his arm around me. "Do you regret the quick trip to Vegas?"

I peered over my shoulder and gave him a loving kiss. "No baby, not for a second. I haven't regretted a single moment since I said yes."

Adam stepped behind me and pulled me close, wrapping his massive arms around me. "Good, I haven’t either."

I remembered something I needed to tell Adam. "Oh, subject change. Jill called earlier, she managed to land that big contract I'd been helping her with."

"That’s great, I bet she’s happy."

I laughed, "That would be an understatement. I feel better knowing she’s in charge while we do that mini tour this summer."

"You did schedule a few extra days off when we stop off in New York didn't you?"

"Of course I did. I didn't even book a hotel for us. We're staying with Gabriel and Anna. They insisted." I laughed. "They can be very persuasive. I'm just glad they aren't traveling then."

Adam nodded, "me too. Before I forget to tell you, your album has jumped three more spots."

I smiled. "It'll be great seeing Matt, and Tim. I can’t believe they agreed to be my backup band."

Adam snorted, "Well, considering their lead singer still has another five years before he's eligible for parole I’d say they were free."

I started to laugh "I wonder what he said when he found out they became my band."

Adam joined in my laughter. "According to Zack he doesn't really say very much these days since the other inmates have been using his mouth for other purposes."

I laughed as I thought of how much my old bodyguard must be loving his new job as a prison guard. He gets to witness Razor's misery.

Eager to change the topic from the man who did not deserve on second of my thoughts, I looked in the living room at my beautiful daughter. "You think Lizzie will be ok with all this traveling?"

Adam spun me around to face him. "Are you kidding? It’s all she’s talked about for the past three weeks. Plus your mom and dad will be there to watch her while you're on stage or doing interviews. Ellie and JJ will be there since Jesse is in your band and don't forget, I'll be there too. If only to make sure they don’t spoil her too much."

I smacked his chest. "Oh please, you spoil her just as bad as they do. You come home almost every day with a present for her."

Adam’s brows lifted. "Oh that reminds me." He yelled over his shoulder, "Elizabeth honey, don’t you have something for your mom?"

"Oh yeah Daddy I almost forgot. I’ll be right there."

Elizabeth ran in the room wearing a bright smile carrying a box. "Mommy this is for you."

Adam smirked at me. "She saw it and had to get it for you. I tried to talk her out of it but she stomped her foot."

"Mommy, I saw a picture of my brother holding one like it once so I knew you’d love it."

I knelt down and accepted the box from my gorgeous girl and opened it to see the most beautiful mosaic color stone decorative frog I'd ever seen. Tears of joy filled my eyes as I thought of my son and pulled my daughter to my chest.

"I love it sweetheart. It’s perfect just like you. Let’s go outside and find the perfect spot for it."

"I'll get it." Adam said as the doorbell rang.

I tried to get to it before he did but I was too late.

He stared at the identical twins for a moment before looking down at the petite red head with the prism colored eyes. "Welcome to our home. I am Sara's husband Adam."

I released a small sigh of relief as he showed no recognition.

He shook both Dani and Polina's hand before he unexpectedly lifted Cali off the ground with a hug.

My loving husband suddenly sat Cali down while his face turned beat red. "I am sorry about that, for some reason I just had to hug you."

Cali's smile was breathtaking as her eyes started to become glassy when she replied. "It is quite alright, please feel free to hug me anytime you wish."

I rushed over to greet everyone and found myself shocked that the three looked exactly the same as they did six years ago. "I'm so happy you all could make it. Do any of you ever age?"

Polina shook her head slightly and laughed. "It helps to be a renowned makeup artist. I can make anyone look young."

She leaned closer so only I could hear. "You caught a touch of that yourself. Why do you think everyone believes you to be younger than Nicole?"

I laughed as I thought of the half-sister that I was now on speaking terms with. We weren't as close as we could be because of a few issues, including the fact I have aged more gracefully than she had but at least we were friendly on the occasions we saw each other at family gatherings.

Dani hugged me. "We don't really age but Cali is not yet comfortable talking about it. Thank you for inviting her. She's been walking on air waiting for this day."

I nodded and turned toward Dani's wife. As I leaned down to hug Cali she whispered, "thank you for inviting us. His mind might not know me, but his heart still does and that means the world to me. I've missed him, but it has been worth it to see him so complete. We used to talk about what we wanted from life, and he has everything he ever desired. I'm glad he has the life he always deserved."

I glanced at my husband who lifted our daughter into his arms. "We have a perfect life, and I'm glad I could share it with him."