Show What You Can’t Say -- Alexis
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Alexis is unable to express his gender identity to Mom until a visit to a very special dress shop sends an unmistakable message.
Note: This is an edited and updated version of a story previously posted on Fictionmania. I have been working on some additional stand-alone short stories that also involve the Teen Girl Dress Shop.
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The sun filtered through the curtains as Alexis sleepily tried to remember last night’s dream. A nervous girl was standing on a balcony modeling a formal evening gown at some fashion show or beauty pageant. She was gracefully posing as the girls in the audience offered approving encouragement, saying things like “lovely” and “you are one of us now.” With a carefully practiced gesture she brought her softly curved fingers up to her scooped neckline while the other hand lifted the edge of the dress. As she turned and started to walk down the stairs Mother appeared in the crowd looking upset. Suddenly the top step collapsed leading to a tumbling fall, down, down, ... and awake.
Alexis stretched in bed, the dream faded, but the feeling of being that girl did not. The bedroom was decorated in a contemporary, but gender-neutral style. A football-themed wallpaper design showed faintly under the pale reddish-brown paint. Alexis had insisted on painting over the wallpaper, and the chosen color was the closest to pink that Mom had been willing to buy. When given a choice, Alexis favored unisex options. After the paint job, Mother had reluctantly gone along with a subtle floral print for the matching bedspread and curtains. On the wall was a collage with pictures of teen-girl movie stars and singers. Alexis thought of these girls as role models and viewed them with envious admiration.
For months Alexis had wanted to talk with Mom about these dreams and his feelings. Beth Evans was both a successful research scientist with a techno-geek personality, and a struggling single mother with limited parenting skills. Beth’s way of asserting that a modern woman could both intellectual and feminine was to combine her career with a passion for music, dance, and fashion. Alexis often went to trendy stores and to arts performances with her. He treasured these experiences, but Beth agonized over whether she was doing a proper job of raising a son. For parenting advice she relied on her sister, Aunt Alexandria, who was an elegant lady and loved all five syllables of her name. Only her closest relatives could get away with calling her Sandy. She had a degree in psychology, worked as a school counselor, and had two daughters bracketing Alexis in age.
Alexis suspected Mom would accept him no matter what identity he expressed, but was never sure. She liked talking about abstractions like news and fashion, but verbalizing personal thoughts totally confounded her. Regarding awkward topics, Mom could comfortably communicate only through actions and gifts.
Mother-son communication about growing up had always been especially difficult.
Alexis’s maternal grandfather had frequently been recruited to talk about boy things. Mom’s typical way of implying that he should become more masculine was to drop him off at grandfather’s house just when a televised football game was starting. Grandpa seemed to have old-fashioned values where everything was as it was supposed to be, even if the suppositions existed only in his memories. His conversations with Alexis were always friendly, but sometimes uncomfortable for both.
A few months ago a book on changes during male puberty suddenly appeared in his room. Mom never said a word; she just left the book where he would find it. Probably wants me to talk with Grandpa about that too, thought Alexis.
As he had done many times before, Alexis resolved that today he would finally get Mom to understand what he felt inside. Since she best communicated using hints, he had been dropping hints too. Maybe, just maybe, if he kept dropping hints she would eventually guess enough to open the conversation herself. His greatest fear was what would happen if she disapproved, like in the dream. What would she really do in response? Crashing down stairs seemed insignificant compared to risks of committing to the truth. Letting Mom speak first seemed much safer, that way he would have a chance to see her attitude before making an irrevocable comment himself.
He had already dropped many hints. Last week the glossy local lifestyle magazine, Valley People & Places, published a story about a crossdressing boy being prohibited from attending a church-run middle school. Alexis had left the magazine on the kitchen table with the story headline and a glamorous photo of the expelled student in full view. After a few days Alexis found that the magazine had been picked up and piled with other back issues on the corner shelf. When the hint was indirect, Beth’s geek personality seemed to leave her oblivious to the message. But, whenever Alexis attempted to be more explicit he always ended up pulling back from the brink, unsure of what would happen.
Through the closed door he could hear that Mother was chatting on the phone. She had a tendency to assume that if she could not see someone then they could not hear her either. This habit had often proven useful to Alexis. Even though he could only hear one side of the conversation he quickly knew that she was talking to Aunt Alexandria.
“Do you really think that is what he wants?” ... “He has such unusual interests for a boy.” ... “I really have never found a way to ask.” ... “So, you think I need to let him explore this for himself?” ... “And don’t push him? ... “Yes, family support is really important.”.... “That’s a great idea.” ... “Yes, I will be supportive.”
Beth changed the topic as soon as Alexis opened his bedroom door and headed for the bathroom. Why do they always seem to be talking about me when they think I am not around? From the sound of the conversation it seemed that Mom might be getting the idea, but then maybe not. She could be talking about anything. He had thought about dropping some hints on Aunt Alexandria too, but decided that could only increase his risk. She usually acted very intellectual and formal, and was very progressive in her social attitudes, but maybe she had strict ideas about gender. Alexis could imagine Aunt Alexandria using her psychology contacts to get him into some treatment school before he embarrassed the family. He did his business, wiped, and washed up. He recalled hearing Mom tell her friends how he was such a gentleman, always putting the toilet seat back down. Apparently she didn’t realize he no longer lifted it up. Thinking about this boy-girl difference reminded Alexis of Grandpa’s clumsy attempts to initiate a birds and bees conversation. That had been like really awkward. Alexis headed back to the kitchen.
“Good morning, dear, sleep well? Breakfast is on the counter.”
Alexis put some cereal and yogurt in a bowl, poured a glass of milk, eased himself onto a stool, crossed his ankles, and started to nibble. He was still wearing the oversize pale blue tee shirt he usually slept in. It was almost a nightgown, but still something that a boy could wear it without comment. He was trying to diet and keep a slender build as long as possible. Puberty was not something to look forward to. He had seen the diagrams in the book and had to watch videos in health class: beards, hairy chest, bulky muscles. Yuck.
Alexis gathered his thoughts. Weekend breakfast together seemed as good a time as any to have a serious talk with Mom. He rehearsed the key lines in his mind one more time. Build slowly, and back off if things went astray. The opening was going to be to ask Mom what she knew about boys who felt they should be girls. If her reaction became hostile he would be able to fend it off by saying he saw the article in the lifestyle magazine last week and was just concerned about anyone being harassed. If she sounded sympathetic he would say he often had some uncomfortable feelings. Just give a first hint that he might have a personal interest in gender issues, then reassess the situation before continuing with the mental script.
Take a deep breath, get ready, here goes. “Mom, there’s something from last week I need to ask you about.”
“Yes, but make it quick. I need to clean up and get going soon. Busy day.”
Once again Mother was preoccupied and apparently clueless. This was not the time to start a deep conversation. “Uhh, ... maybe we could start buying low-fat yogurt?”
“I suppose. But, it wouldn’t hurt you one bit to gain a little weight. Anything else?” she asked as the phone rang again.
“Hello.” ... “Hi Sandy.” ... “Thanks for calling back.” ... When did you say the sportswear sale was?” ... “ Only today. Which store?” ... “The one at Fashion Towne Mall?” ... “It’s a long drive, but probably worth it.” ... “Yes, maybe this afternoon. Thanks. Bye.”
Alexis tried to listen while acting like he was focused on the cereal bowl. Fashion Towne Mall? That mall was in a suburb way across the valley, and he had been trying to figure out how to get mother to drive him there ever since he had learned on the internet about a certain shop at Fashion Towne. Soon after getting his own computer in his room he had managed to hack through relatively weak parental controls and create a private login. Soon, he was typing in search words that he could never bring himself to say aloud to any of the adults in his life. Searches lead to hyperlinks that lead to new sites. Some were disgusting, but others contained the information he craved. Eventually he found a marvelous teen support site with where other boys (and apparently some genetic girls) were also in various stages of gender confusion and resolution. Besides the moderator postings, everyone was asking questions and sharing advice thorough message boards, chat rooms, and private messaging. He had encountered someone with the screen name BIM.
‘A/S/L?’
‘16 / transitioning / West Mountain’
‘BIM stands for?’
‘Boy In Miniskirts!’
Awesome, a boy only a few years older who was openly dressing as a girl, and lived in the same metropolitan area. They had frequent exchanges about local places, schools, support organizations, and current events while staying within the ‘no personally identifying information’ rules of the site. BIM told Alexis how to find things he had long wanted to know about, and could explore from the anonymous safety of the internet. BIM, and others, kept encouraging him to come out openly to Mother. But through the site Alexis also heard harrowing tales of gender-variant boys being grounded, military academy-style camps that tried to toughen boys up, and religion-based therapy groups that claimed to change gays into real men. Those real-life stories made dreams of falling down stairs seem minor by comparison.
BIM had told Alexis that he needed to find a way to visit the Teen Girl Dress Shop at Fashion Towne Mall. This supposedly was a place that could help Alexis communicate with Mom. “The sooner the better,” was BIM’s frequent remark.
‘U need to get to the store and walk in’
‘What then’
‘Tell sales girl you like pink ;)
‘she will know how to help U’
‘How?’
‘Show ur mom what ur afraid to say’
‘Afraid of Moms reaction’
‘U said U wanted to drop hints’
‘Big risk’
‘What do u have to loose?’
‘What if she makes a scene?’
‘Won’t in public. IMHO store owner knows how to handle’
‘Catch hell at home’
‘Not 2 B urself is hell 2’
Week after week BIM had been encouraging him. Alexis’s problem was getting mother to drive him to Fashion Towne, then getting her to follow him into the store. Today sounded like his first chance, and maybe the only chance for a long while. Looking up from his breakfast Alexis asked, “Who called?”
“Aunt Sandy. I’m going shopping today, OK”
“Coming with you.”
“Well, OK. Get ready”
Alexis raced upstairs and rummaged through his clothes. What to wear to the mall was always a challenge, but especially today. A pair of slim-cut jeans, stylish belt, a bright pullover top, and aerobics shoes seemed to work. These were boy clothes, but not masculine. He followed Mom into the garage and jumped into the car.
“Are you sure you want to go shopping with me again?”
“Yes.”
“All I was planning to do at Fashion Towne was to look at the women’s sportswear that is on sale, and maybe shop for a few accessories.”
“We don’t go to Fashion Towne very often. I’ll just follow you around. It’s fun watching you shop.” Alexis paused. “Maybe we can wander a bit after. See what’s new on the east side of the mall.” He planned to steer Mom down the east wing of the mall, get her in front of the Teen Girl Dress Shop, then suddenly go in, assuming she would follow. Risky, but he had promised BIM he would give it a try. He hoped that BIM’s advice was right; entering the store with Mom was going to work wonders. But what would he say to Mom if she objected? This seemed more complicated than a chess game. Every move on his part would open up more possibilities for her reaction. It could get out of control, but he remembered his morning resolution to finally communicate to Mom, somehow, anyhow.
“Dear, it’s nice that you are always willing to go shopping with me. But, I worry. How many other boys your age want to go fashion shopping with their mothers? You really need more time with Grandpa. How about if we swing by his place first? Pick you up on the way back.”
Alexis panicked. This would ruin his chance to get to Fashion Towne. “My birthday is coming up. Maybe I can look for something new and different.” He was becoming a master at true statements that had double meanings.
“Well, OK. I’ll do my shopping, then we can walk around.”
They said little the rest of the drive. Alexis continued to focus on his plans, and he suspected Mom was lost in her own thoughts, as usual. Beth parked and they strolled into the anchor department store. They paused only briefly to look at the jewelry and cosmetics right in front of the entrance. Beth’s destination was women’s sportswear and casuals section.
“We won’t take too long. You know I always enjoy looking for bargains even when I keep my pocket book shut.”
“Take as long as you want.” Normally all day wouldn’t be long enough for Alexis to do his fantasy shopping following Mom through her favorite stores. Today, he needed to stay focused on the goal. He watched Mom pick two summer tops and a skirt before heading for the forbidden territory of the changing rooms.
Alexis eased himself onto one of the chairs outside the changing room. Usually he had to share the space with obviously bored husbands or boyfriends, or worse with fidgety little kids. Today he was alone and could imagine he was shopping here too. As usual, he rushed over as he saw her coming back. “Are you getting anything, Mom? That pink blouse really looks neat. It would work with lots of your other summer clothes. It’s fun to watch you make well-coordinated combinations.”
“No, I really don’t need any of these. But, thank you for your compliments. Dear, I worry about you. You have no interest in rough play or action video games, but such an adorable interest in music, dance. And you seem to know so much about women’s clothes. Maybe it would have been better if you had been born a g....”
“What, Mom?” Maybe this was an unexpected opening. It seemed that Mom had almost said it.
“Oh, nothing. You know. Aunt Alexandria always tells me I need to be supportive and let you explore for yourself.”
Alexis figured his aunt’s advice to Mom could only help. Support and explore where important words. “Mom, if you aren’t getting anything here, lets wander around a bit.”
“OK, where?”
“Nowhere in particular, just looking.”
She paused as Alexis marched past the men and boys’ section of the department store. “How about here?”
Alexis knew that would only waste time. “Nothing interesting,” he said leading the way out into the main mall and turned toward the east wing.
“Were those clothes too drab for you?”
Drab. That’s the idea, thought Alexis. Maybe she finally suspects what I really want to wear and is testing me. “Drab colors, drab styles.”
“Strange attitude from you.”
They marched past shop after shop until Alexis finally saw the sign ahead. Teen Girl Dress Shop was in frilly letters in rainbow-themed colors. As they approached he noticed three tough-looking guys hanging out directly across from the dress shop entrance. They were slouched against the wall and created an image that was a mix of motorcycle gang and punk rock band. Alexis halted in front of the scrap booking store next door, listening while pretending to be window shopping.
“Did that sissy come by yet?”
“Terry? No, I think he knows we are watching for him and is hiding.”
“He sneaks in here on Saturdays.”
These guys were bad news. If their intended victim was not available then any other boy going into a dress shop would be an equally good target. Dealing with Mom was going to be challenge enough without jeers and catcalls from these troublemakers. The guys’ conversation did one thing, it reassured him that BIM was had been telling the truth. Other boys apparently shopped here.
“Look, I haven’t all day just to harass some panty-waist.
“Let’s hang out 10 more minutes.”
“Yeh. We’ll find him soon enough.”
Ten minutes thought Alexis. How can I stall that long? If he wandered farther down the east wing then Mom might want to take a short cut through the parking lot to get back to the car. If he turned around he would never get her back into the east wing of the mall today. Maybe he should go into the scrapbooking store as a diversion. It seemed risky to stay too long in front where he was stalling. If those guys bothered to look at him they probably would remark about his tight jeans and fancy belt. His outfit certainly would invite comments from anyone inclined to harass effeminate boys.
“Alexis, do you want to get some lunch then head to the car?”
“Not hungry, just want to window shop a bit, Mom.”
“I didn’t know you were interested in scrap booking. I hear it can be a fun hobby.”
“I guess so. Don’t know much about it.” Just then Alexis noticed a tall woman come out from the Teen Girl Dress Shop. Her bold name tag read ‘Ann Mitchell, Owner.’ She was staring directly at the three boys while talking on her cell phone.
“Look, mall security is coming. That bitch called them.”
“Let’s go before they kick us out.”
Alexis watched the boys dash down the mall and disappear into the food court. Just ten more steps then I will finally be at the dress shop, he thought. “Come on Mom, let’s keep looking.” His heart was racing, and he was struggling to maintain a calm, non-committal manner. Without saying anything he paused, turned, and started into the dress shop.
“Where are you going? I don’t think this place will have anything for me, dear.”
“M- Mom, c-can we please just take a quick look?”
“But, why would you ever want to go in there? Let’s go look somewhere else where they might have something for you.”
Desperate, Alexis pleaded, “Will you be supportive? Let me explore a bit.” He hoped the paraphrase of Aunt Alexandra’s advice would get through.
Beth paused for what seemed an eternity, then gently smiled. “Well, I guess so. I can’t imagine what you think you will find here. Just don’t waste too much time.”
This answer seemed midway between totally oblivious and mild acceptance. “Thanks, Mom.” As he crossed the threshold Alexis suddenly realized that he had not properly planned his next steps. BIM had not been specific about what was supposed to happen at the dress shop, and all of Alexis’s focus had been on getting Mom this far.
Mom paused at the front display table, and Alexis began to walk slowly down the aisle gently touching the merchandise, feeling the delicate textures, and looking at the exciting colors. Shopping for boys’ clothes was never like this. Mother was watching him carefully. He also became aware that the store owner and a younger girl were watching him from behind the cash register counter.
“That boy looks like he’s one,” Ann remarked to her daughter.
“Yes, I’m sure he is.” The girl was in her mid-teen and always came to work in stylish clothes selected to motivate customers by holding out the hope of being able to look equally fabulous. “He dragged his mother into here, not the other way around.”
“He’s nervous.”
“Yes, but also fascinated.”
“I bet he is sweating and completely tongue-tied.”
“They usually are on the first visit.”
“Well, let’s do our thing.”
“Always love to help out a new customer.”
The two started moving through the store like a pair of lionesses on the hunt, preparing to separate the target from the herd. In a flash Ann positioned herself next to Beth as her daughter slipped up behind Alexis. “Hello, my name is Brianna Isabella. May I help you?”
Alexis nearly panicked, but recovered. He turned to look at an attractive girl a few years his senior. She was stunningly beautiful. Her makeup was dramatic, but not overdone: translucent skin, accented eyebrows, long lashes, bright lipstick, matching nails. Wavy brown hair with blond highlights cascaded past her shoulders, and a stylish headband kept it pulled back from her face. She was wearing a maroon sleeveless top with a plunging neckline that revealed a hint of a lacy bra supporting well-developed cleavage. Her short skirt and high heels accented her fashion-model figure and shapely legs. She smiled and waited for Alexis to finish checking her out.
Talking to sales personnel in a dress shop was not something he had practiced. Even when shopping with Mom he said little to the staff. Alexis wanted to turn and run, but this would ruin everything. Worse, running would call attention to himself in public. What if those tough guys returned and saw him racing out of a dress shop? Besides, Brianna was blocking the way to the exit, and Ann had Mom cut off from helping him, even if she realized she was needed.
Alexis felt his face flush. He tried to calm down and repeated BIM’s assurances that things would work out for the best once he got inside the shop.
Brianna leaned close to Alexis. He smelled her sweet perfume as she put her hand on his shoulder. “It’s OK. Why are your hands shaking? Don’t be scared. Other boys shop here too.”
Alexis struggled to remember what BIM had told him was the secret password. “I, I like ... pink,” he whispered.
Brianna smiled. “OK, now I know why you are here. You’ll have a great time today. Let’s go where we can talk.” As she took his hand, Alexis realized he had little choice but to follow. He noticed her bright, well-shaped nails, and enjoyed the cool, calming touch of her fingers.
He had let himself be convinced by internet chat that visiting here was going to do magic for communicating with Mom, but what was Brianna going to do with him now. “This is my first time.”
“I thought so. Don’t worry. I know what I am doing, and I think your coming here is awesome.”
“Really.”
“Tell me the truth, are you interested in girl things? Maybe wish you were a real girl?”
“Y- yes”
“How much does your mother know?
“I’ve never been able to tell her anything.”
“Your coming here will speak for you.”
“How do you know?”
“You’re not the first boy we’ve helped. What’s your name? You were too shocked to tell me.”
“Alexis.”
“Charming. It’s a name that can be either boy or girl. Very lucky.”
Alexis had never been sure why he had been given that name. In public situations, like school role call, he found it embarrassing when the name caused someone to expect a girl then see a boy. But he was also thrilled to see occasional advertising in the mailbox addressed to Miss Alexis Evans. “It’s an OK name.”
“Silly, it’s a really pretty name. Fits you. Speaking of fit, let’s find something that you might like.”
Alexis again got a sinking feeling in his stomach. This was way more than he had planned. He had not anticipated anything beyond browsing in the shop for a few minutes and then somehow expecting something to happen that would open a conversation with Mom. Shopping for himself? BIM never said what would happen.
Brianna started to pick outfits from the rack and show them to Alexis, explaining details and features as she went. At first she just displayed the dresses in midair as she bubbled with enthusiasm. “Act natural. Play along.” After a while she noticed Alexis becoming more comfortable with the situation. “Just your size,” she said as she spun Alexis toward the mirror and momentarily held a dress up in front of him.
As he looked at the mirror he gasped. A group of teen girls were walking into the shop behind him. They looked like the popular crowd from one of the local high schools, the queen bees that strutted their stuff and intimidated everyone else. They all were fashionably dressed in designer jeans and fancy tops that highlighted their figures without being slutty. Hair and makeup were flawless. Earrings and necklaces flashed as they walked. First it was the tough guys, and now he was going to get teased by the mean girls. “I’m getting uneasy about doing this,” gasped Alexis. As soon as the words were out he realized that he had made a mistake. Asking Brianna to stop was going to ruin everything.
“Those girls?” responded Brianna as she put the dress down on top of the rack. She glanced over her shoulder then turned back to Alexis with a twinkle in her eye. “Alexis, you have nothing to worry about. That crowd comes in here all the time. They are not going to think you are weird. Tell you a secret. One of those beautiful girls is biologically a boy, and all the others are totally OK with it.”
Alexis kept his back to the girls and stared into the mirror. It did not seem possible. They all acted like typical in-crowd girls, giggling, posing, and preening their hair as they waltzed thorough the store. He had read many internet discussions about passing so he tried to see if he could figure out which one was the boy. Maybe the tallest one, with the tight spandex shirt, skinny jeans and high boots? No, those pants would make a bulge obvious, and she was showing curves everywhere else. How about the one wearing heavy eye makeup? Was she hiding something behind all the cosmetics? Not likely, her hands looked too tiny and delicate. The one with the brown curls and frilly bohemian-style outfit? Possible, that outfit could hide almost any figure underneath, but then she also seemed to be showing real cleavage. Alexis kept wondering as Brianna walked over to the girls as chatted. Eventually she gave a package from behind the counter to a really attractive short girl with a blonde ponytail. As the girls continued to browse Brianna headed back to Alexis. “She had to pick up a back order. A little something to make her front look smooth under tight clothes.”
As the girls started to head out of the dress shop Brianna smiled at Alexis. “So, are you ready to try on some girl’s clothes now?”
Alexis was aware that Mom was still being detained by the store owner while Brianna had him under her control. Wearing a pretty dress was something Alexis had fantasized about, but he also had read online fiction about crossdressers being caught with the consequences. “Try - something - on,” he said slowly.
“Why not? I know it is something you really really want to do,” Brianna said in a reassuring voice. “This is a safe place to explore.”
“I’m not sure my mother would allow that.”
“My mom and I will handle her.”
Brianna led Alexis over to Beth and Ann. “Your son obviously is curious, and I hope you will let him explore and discover a bit today.”
Ann picked up the conversation, “Lots of boys with special interests shop here. It really is OK Ms. Evans.”
“Let’s go look,” continued Brianna as she pulled Alexis back to where she had been showing him dresses when the queen bee crowd came in.
Ann gave Beth a firm but friendly push and indicated they should follow. She continued, “Although we call ourselves the Teen Girl Dress Shop we actually carry a lot of very stylish clothes for girls that have not yet developed.”
“Athletic girls and dancers who keep their weight down often develop several years later than some of their classmates. If a girl is tall or still has pre-teen figure we think she should still be able to look good in a dress,” Brianna added.
“Girls with boyish figures often look best in high-necked tops that bunch at the neck and bust. They give the appearance of a fuller chest. Tasteful front pleats or frills also help give a soft feminine look.”
Alexis tried to gather his thoughts. Like experienced experts Brianna and Ann took turns. They would drop an idea, watch for the response in attitude or body language, then adjust the conversation accordingly.
Mom clearly was not enthusiastic, but Alexis was becoming intrigued by where this was all going. He started giving increasingly affirmative responses to the fashion chatter. This was not how he expected to initiate a conversation with Mom, but it seemed like he better to play along.
“If you want to add more volume up top, look for something like this one. Empire style dresses are a great design that always makes the breasts appear fuller.”
“Empire style?” asked Alexis.
Brianna and her mother continued gushing with advice. “Luckily for you most of these dresses that are designed for girls with smaller busts actually hang better on a boy!”
“Did you tell me that boys shop here?” asked Beth finally.
“Yes, all the time. You would be amazed how many teen boys have an interest in feminine things,” replied Ann.
“Being a girl is such fun. I love sharing the experience.” Brianna became more assertive. “This rack has some of the neatest dresses for you, Alexis.”
Alexis stepped decisively along side of Brianna, “You mean it?”
“Any of these would be great for your body shape as they are not clingy and won’t show your boyish frame off underneath.” Brianna held up a simple black dress with a modest neckline fringed with lace. “A basic black dress is the foundation of every feminine wardrobe.” She held the dress up against Alexis’s body while placing her other hand gently on his shoulder. “Take a look in the mirror.”
Beth and Ann were following behind. Beth’s hands and face were tense and she was biting her lower lip. “Remember what I told you,” Ann urged.
Alexis grasped a dress hanger to his chest. “P- p- please Mom, may I?” Finally, he had said it.
“I don’t know what to think. But, if that’s what you want,” Beth paused, “I’ll be supportive, dear.”
The floor had not collapsed. Mom seemed to approve. Alexis was trembling as Brianna led him back toward the fitting rooms. “Take it easy. I told you it would be OK.”
Alexis closed the booth door and started taking off his clothes. His white cotton sleeveless undershirt and jockey briefs seemed totally inappropriate, but they were all he had. He pulled the dress over his head and struggled with the buttons. He hesitated. Was he ready to model the dress for Ann, Brianna, and most importantly, Mom? His bad dreams came back to him. Better to take it off now. This had already gone way to far already. But, Mom had just said she would be supportive and called him dear. Maybe it was OK. He took a deep breath, opened the fitting room door and walked toward the three-sided mirror at the end of the hallway. At least he would be out of sight if anyone else came into the store.
“Marvelous.”
“It’s so you.”
He realized Ann and Brianna were behind him making compliments while Mom was standing stiffly off to the side. He turned and looked directly into his mother’s eyes. Words froze in his throat.
Brianna gently put her hand on Beth’s arm. “It makes him so very happy. You really should buy it.”
“Yes, he is telling you something,” Ann continued. “You need to be supportive.”
Beth hesitated, glancing at each in turn. “Alexis, I don’t understand all this, but it is clearly important to you. I can get you that dress as an early birthday present.”
This was unbelievable. “Please,” he said anxiously.
Alexis felt drained. Mom handed the credit card to Brianna as Ann pulled her aside. So much had happened so fast. “Thanks, Mom. Thanks Brianna,” was all he could say.
Brianna put the dress into a bag with the store logo printed on it then started scribbling on a piece of pink notepaper. “A private message for you,” Brianna said with a coy smile as she folded the paper and slipped it into the bag.
Ann Mitchell was still talking to Beth. “This has been a big change for both of you.”
“I guess so,” Beth replied nervously as Ann handed her a small pamphlet.
“Check out some of these support groups.”
“I will. My sister has been telling me to be supportive.”
Alexis kept looking straight ahead as they exited the shop and headed for the car. Was Mom really OK with his getting a dress? What would she say once they were in private? Maybe she just did not want to embarrass everyone in public.
Beth also avoided eye contact on the way to the car. This was certainly not what she had expected when Alexis said he wanted to go to the mall this morning. “Dear, it looks like it’s time we had a serious talk,” she said as they speeded down the road. “You are approaching the age where parents need to give children ‘The Talk” and I was planning to have Grandpa do it. But now things have changed. I really need advice from Alexandria. She has experience with daughters. What did I just say?” She sighed, “no matter what you wear, I love you.”
They got home. Alexis grabbed the shopping bag, dashed into his room, closed the door, and collapsed. After a while he realized that Mom was again on the phone talking to Aunt Sandy. He moved closer to the door where he could hear better.
“ I couldn’t believe what he did.” ... “Yes, it actually looked good on him.” ... “I didn’t know how else to be supportive.” ... “What do you mean?” ... “Did you say some girl time talking with his cousins would help?” ... “I know that sounds silly.” ... “When we have a talk I can ask if he wants to see a gender specialist.” ... “What was the name of that book again?” ... “OK, ‘The Transgender Child’ I’ll order it.” ... “Sandy, you have been so much help.”
As the sun set the reality of the day started to sink in. No more making resolutions then backing off. But, now he would have to deal with a greatly changed relationship with Mom. Her ‘no matter what, I love you’ comment made him feel safe. He glanced at the shopping bag on his bed. Yes, the note from Brianna. Unfolding it he saw that there was a phone number above a flowery signature and a smiley face. He fumbled for his cell phone and dialed.
“Hello, Brianna speaking.”
“Hi, this is Alexis.”
“I figured you would call. How was your ride home?”
“I was scared, Mom didn’t say much. Just that she loved me no matter what.”
“Marvelous, you did it. After all these months that you have been agonizing.”
“What do you mean all these months? We just met today.”
“Silly. Think about it -- Brianna Isabella Mitchell.”
“B-I-M. That’s impossible.”
“You got it. So what’s impossible?”
“BIM claimed to be a boy crossdressing in miniskirts.”
“So, was my skirt too long today?”
“You looked like a real girl.”
“I was a boy until I was 12.”
“BIM is sixteen, you looked older”
“OK, I fibbed a year or so off my age.”
“How do you look so totally feminine with real curves?”
“Practice makes perfect, but hormones help.”
“I still think you tricked me online.”
“No, I just use screen names and persona appropriate to the focus of each group I visit. Spend a lot of time in the support group where we met because the issues there are important to me. I knew I could help you communicate what you couldn’t bring yourself to say directly. I just had to get you and your mother into the TG Dress Shop”
“What did you call the shop?”
“Customers like you are a big part of our business. My mother helped me, and now we both enjoy helping other boys get in touch with their feminine side. ”
They continued talking for over an hour. Brianna described how she started to become girl, and what it was like to go through all the transition steps. Alexis could barely process the waves of new information or the flood of emotions. Actions today showed what he had been afraid to tell. The world had not collapsed. He had overheard Mom using the word ‘transgender’ when talking to Aunt Alexandria. Now, I needed to start talking openly about gender identity, he thought. Alexis started to imagine having her first mother-daughter conversation.
The End.
Brianna and Jayden - A TG Dress Shop Story
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A TG Dress Shop Story By Torrey Grover Copyright© 2015 Torrey Grover
Brianna, who works in her mother's dress shop, is a confidant, cheerleader, |
Anyone watching Brianna and Jayden in the Fashion Towne mall food court would have not noticed anything unusual. Here were two attractive girls, and lots of fashion-conscious girls hang out at malls.
Brianna Isabella Mitchell was stunningly beautiful with fashion model looks and posture. Her makeup was always dramatic, but never overdone: translucent skin, accented eyebrows, long lashes, bright lipstick, matching nails. Wavy brown hair with blond highlights cascaded past her shoulders. As usual a stylish headband kept it pulled back from her face. She was wearing a tight-fitting top that accented the shape of the bra cupping her well-developed breasts. Her short, but not too short, skirt hugged her nicely rounded hips. She always claimed she only dressed up because she had to impress the customers at her mother's dress shop, but nobody believed that excuse.
Jayden Sanders was much more slender but still looked attractive. Her hair was trimmed in a short androgynous style that barely called attention to her face and tiny earrings. She was wearing a loose subtly patterned cotton top and a dark, full-cut skirt. In contrast to Brianna's high heels, Jayden was wearing comfortable sandals over opaque socks. As always, her selections were carefully chosen to aid in passing by avoiding calling attention to herself.
"Let's sit over near the loudspeakers. That way we can talk without being overheard."
"Good idea, mind if I sit facing away from the crowd?"
"Fine by me. Personally, I like showing myself to everyone passing outside the food court. Besides, I'll keep a lookout for any lurkers."
"Now you are making me paranoid again!"
"Don't worry. Let's have the girl-to-girl chat we agreed to, Jayden. Your mom was really anxious to have you meet with me today. She called the Teen Girl Dress Shop yesterday and this again morning just to be sure I remembered." Brianna had a good idea of what Mrs. Sanders wanted Jayden to talk about, but Brianna knew that conversations like this needed to develop naturally. "So, what would you like to talk about?
"You know, I am trying to sort things out." Jayden looked around. "Are you sure its safe to talk here? I'm scared."
"No one is sitting right next to our table and the music system drowns everything out anyway. "
"You will keep all this like confidential, won't you, please."
"Of course, Jayden," Brianna said in her most reassuring voice. I need to be real careful with this girl, Brianna thought to herself. I have never seen someone be so scared and still come dressed into the mall. Any rushing on my part and she will either break down in tears or run away in terror. Her mom must have really pushed her to come here. "There is nothing to be afraid of. My mom and I both love meeting girls like you and helping them out. That's a big part of why my mother opened the dress shop."
"I guess you know I was born a boy, and ... and ..."
"Please go on." This kid is desperate; giver her some encouragement. "I would never have guessed by looking at you." Brianna paused, but Jayden seemed unable or unwilling to continue. "Of course, you know our mothers have been talking about our getting together for several weeks. Nothing you say is going to shock me."
"Yes, my mom said it would really be good for me to meet with you. She said you could help me see my options, and ..."
"Does your mom like to see you dress up as a girl at home?" Brianna saw Jayden nod silently. "But, you attend school as a boy?" Jayden nodded again and Brianna sensed that she was ready to say something. Maybe an open-ended question would help. "How does this all work?"
"This switching from boy to girl and back again can't go on much longer." Jayden was almost in tears.
"Everything's OK. Lots of special boys go through this. Just relax and have a sip of your drink."
Finally Jayden calmed down. "My mom always likes me to dress pretty at home. Ever since I can remember she always pushed me in that direction. I know she really wanted a daughter. When I was born she insisted I be given a gender-neutral name.
"When I was little Mom was really active in contacting other mothers in the neighborhood and finding playmates for me.
"What I was too young to realize right away was that all my playmates were girls. In fact, looking back, Mom made a real effort to keep me away from boys. There was a storefront preschool and private kindergarten near our house called Princess Academy. Of course that is where Mom sent me over my father's protests."
"Princess Academy sounds like awesome fun. Like, were you the only boy in the preschool?"
"Yes, but nobody made a big deal about it. As time went on I started to sort of think of myself as being a girl too. After all, girls were the only ones my age I ever had a chance to talk to. We used to watch boys on television and see them on the street outside the academy and giggle about how gross they were.
"Do you think your mom was trying to make you into a girl?"
"Looking back I think she was a bit ambivalent about going all the way and raising me as a girl. And, of course, there was my father to deal with as well. Some days she got me all prettied up, and other days she sent me to preschool looking like a tomboy."
"So, what happened next?"
"After preschool my father insisted I start regular school as a boy. Once I attended first grade as a boy it ... each year it was easier to go back as a boy again, and ... A couple of years ago my parents divorced and mom got custody, but now I ..., I'm stuck as ... as... I'm so confused."
"Yes, I understand. Tell me more about school now."
"I get a lot of bullying. Everyone calls me a big sissy and a queer." Jayden paused. "Well, not everyone. There are a few girls who are my friends. I hang out with them and they protect me."
"How much do those girls know about your home life?"
"I know they suspect something. Every once in a while one of them says something like 'I bet your mom is trying to make you into a girl!' I never tell them the truth, but they can guess and ..."
Brianna changed the topic. She wanted to get a sense of how Jayden identified. "How did you feel when you came to the mall dressed this morning.
"I felt like I was showing the world my real self, but I was nervous too. I rarely go out in public dressed like this except when Mom and I are far away from home on vacations. I'm so afraid someone will recognize me."
"Don't worry. You're not the first boy who has had this kind of experience."
"But, I'm almost 13. Mom says that I am lucky not to have started puberty yet. But she says she can get me to a doctor who can help if I want."
"I understand, Jayden. I had to make the same choice."
"You did?"
"Yes, That is why your mom wanted us to talk. I was born a boy and made the choice to grow up as girl. When the time came I started taking what Mom called 'special pills.' I've had no regrets since. " Brianna noticed Jayden was staring at her. "Yes, these boobs are totally real." Brianna let Jayden think for a moment. Lots of this was apparently new to her.
"I was lucky and my mom made me into a girl before I ever started school. From kindergarten on the only thing that made me know I was different from other girls was that Mom would kept telling me that I had a 'deformity' between my legs that would scare my friends if they saw. I was constantly reminded that I needed to be careful when using the toilet and should always change clothes in private. To keep my thing hidden she always made me wear a pair of tight, opaque underpants and then put frilly panties on over them. But when I was 16 mom took me on a vacation trip to a clinic in Mexico and got me 'fixed.'
Jayden suddenly looked pale. Brianna realized she had gone too far too fast. "Not every feminine boy makes the choices I did. You have lots of options. How do you feel?
"I ... I don't know! I'm so scared. At times I think making me permanently into a girl is just Mom's idea. Other times I dread growing up because I know what puberty will do to me. Being a girl seems so right, but..." Jayden took a deep breath. "No matter what I chose I will always wonder what my life would have been like if I ..." Suddenly tears started streaming down Jayden's face. Brianna reached across the table and gently held Jayden's hands.
"Is she all right?"
Brianna looked up and saw a tall girl with dark hair and bright lipstick that she recognized as one of the employees at the mall's gothic shop. "Yes, she is just a little emotional about boy problems right now."
"Well, I know all about boy problems. Most of the time the problem has something to do with an unwelcome penis," she laughed.
"Keep your advice to yourself. She just needs some space right now."
Brianna sat quietly as the goth girl headed to the trash can by the food court exit. Eventually Jayden looked up. "Thanks for covering for me."
“Glad to help.”
“I wonder if she knew how close to the truth she was. Unwelcome, is right. Just in a different way.”
Bianna smiled. This was the first joke Jayden had made today.
The girls continued to talk and Jayden slowly regained her confidence. Brianna started to gently reassure Jayden that there are lots of paths open to transgendered and questioning boys.
Eventually, Brianna started writing on a pink notecard. "Here is all my contact information: cell phone, email, Facebook. Any time you want to ask a question or get together I will be there for you. I also gave you the web site for two local gender identity support groups, one run by the Pride Center and the other that my Mom helps with."
"I know, Brianna. You are the best friend I can imagine. Totally supportive. You are awesome. Looking at you it hard to believe you were born a boy just like me. We have so much in common.
"You have a difficult choice ahead. Your mom is guiding you one way. Tradition and social pressure are pushing you the other way. Don't base your choice on what someone else thinks. Think about how you really identify. Follow your heart and chose what seems right to you."
"We'll talk again soon, OK."
The food court janitor noticed the two girls hugging before picking up their trays and slowly walking toward the exit. He thought for a moment about how hot they looked, then he grabbed a towel and headed over to wipe down the table for the next customer.
Brianna and Jayden, Episode 2 a TG Dress Shop Story
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Read my previous short solo “Brianna and Jayden - A TG Dress Shop Story” from 2015 for the back story. Reviewers asked for a continuation, but my mind has been away from fiction writing. In the last two years society has changed and Jayden has learned a great deal about herself. She is excited to talk again with Brianna. Let's listen in as they come to closure.
“Hi, Brianna, recognize me?” A short, slender, smooth faced, and totally androgynous person was prancing through the entrance.
Brianna Isabella Mitchell had been posing near the front of the Teen Girl Dress Shop located in the Fashion Towne Mall. As always her makeup was dramatic, but not overdone: accented eyebrows, long lashes, bright lipstick, matching nails. Wavy brown hair with blond highlights cascaded past the translucent skin of her face down to her shoulders. She was wearing a yellow and green springtime-themed top with a plunging neckline that revealed her well-developed cleavage. The short skirt, shapely legs, and high heels completed her fashion model presentation.
"Jayden Sanders, of course I remember you." After a few hugs and air kisses Brianna continued, "After our first talk I never heard more from you. I was really concerned. You had so many issues going on in your life. I sent text messages, but you never replied so I stopped. I wanted to provide you space and respect your privacy. What brings you here today? Is everything OK?"
Brianna looked Jayden over with the practiced eye of someone active in the transgender community. The neutral-toned pullover shirt, dark loose-fitting casual slacks, and athletic shoes were appropriate for either a boy or girl. Same for the hair neatly trimmed in a pixie cut. Even the walk and hands gave no hints. When they first met Jayden was 13, Brianna recalled, which means now about 15 and in High School. Jayden still seemed to be closeted or questioning, but boys seldom came back for a second visit unless they were really interested in what the TG Dress Shop offered. Brianna knew the next few minutes would be a time for careful listening.
"I'm OK, doing alright in school, healthy, and all that. Recently got my driver's license and mom lets me borrow the car occasionally," Jayden began nervously.
She took a deep breath and started to relax. "Since we talked I have spent a lot of time trying to sort things out. You impressed me so much, Brianna. I was driving past Fashion Towne and suddenly realized how much I needed to reconnect with you." Jayden gestured toward her clothes. "I just came from school. Really drab, isn't it?"
"Selling clothes is my job, but being a supportive mentor is my goal. How can I help you?"
"Brianna, you are so stunningly beautiful and totally feminine. I still find it hard to imagine that you started out as a boy. Can we talk a short while?"
"I have as much time as you need. We can go to the food court.
"Mother, I'm stepping out for a few minutes if that is OK."
Ann Mitchell looked up from the computer where she had been placing orders. "No problem, I can watch the store."
Brianna grabbed her shoulder bag and put on a light sweater that seemed to accent her well-shaped breasts even more. "The mall management turned the heat down too early this spring. It's chilly in the common areas. "
"I left my jacket in the car."
"No problem, you can borrow this until we get back." Brianna pulled a floral-print shawl from a display table and draped it over Jayden's shoulders and around front covering the flat chest. "This will look good on you. Let's go." As intended, the shawl gave a distinctly feminine touch to an otherwise unisex outfit.
They headed out toward the food court stopping to look at the window displays of the stores as they passed. Someone approaching them caught Brianna's eye. She turned sharply and recognized a tough-looking jock type wearing a black leather jacket.
Sarcasm dripped from his mouth. "Oh, Brianna! Is that another of your pretty faggot friends?"
"Get away from me." Brianna pulled her phone out of her bag as Jayden backed away and pressed herself against the wall. "I am calling Security."
"No need to phone me, Miss Mitchell. I spotted that character walking down the concourse and was following him while I sent an alert."
"Carl Shuler, you know the rules. You are in big trouble now."
Just then a uniformed police office came marching up the concourse. "What's going on?"
"Officer, the mall has restraining order against this person because of past incidents harassing customers. The judge required him to stay off mall property. On behalf of management I am requesting you arrest him for trespassing and contempt of court."
"What about my car?" Curt shouted as the officer applied handcuffs.
"The restraining order covers the parking lot too -- you will find your car at the impound lot when you get released. Remember, they only take cash for towing and storage."
The security guard turned toward Brianna. "Sorry about all that. You know the mall management is totally supportive of you and your mother. They welcome your shop and all your customers." He looked at Jaden who was pale and clearly near tears "Is she alright?"
'I'm OK, Being bullied is just not what I needed today."
Brianna put her hand on Jayden's arm. "Why don't you pop into the restroom and freshen up before we talk."
"I avoid public restrooms. Neither is comfortable for me - I have to either face the queen bees making snide comments about my masculine appearance or risk being bullied by mysogynistic jerks like that guy."
"No problem, we asked the mall management to install an all-gender single restroom right near our dress shop. It helps customers feel safe, no matter what their presentation is. I'll lead the way, and then wait outside."
Brianna and Jayden decided that neither was hungry or thirsty so they just headed for the food court tables. "Same as last time, OK. We will sit by the music system so we can't be overheard and, you can have your back to the crowd."
"OK, I am still a bit scared after that jerk. I'll trust you to keep a sharp lookout."
"So, tell me what's has been happening." Brianna was again in total active listening mode. "When we met you were very confused about gender issues."
"The last time we talked I was dressing as girl at home, but for a lot of reasons was still a boy at school. That hasn't changed much. I was confused, nervous and scared nearly all the time. Mom knew that puberty was going to hit me soon and she kept pushing me to make some decisions. My first meeting you was entirely her idea - she made the arrangements. It was her idea that I should show up dressed as a girl. She almost had to push me out of the car. That was my first time alone in public wearing girl clothes."
"I remember how scared you were."
Brianna noticed that Jayden was not saying much about now, and this time she arrived at the mall looking unisex not feminine. "Was I able to help you sort things out?"
"You were the awesome. You talked to me about gender identity and showed me what was possible. The time with you was marvelous. Still, the idea of permanently changing my body the way you had done was scary."
"Go on."
Jayden smiled. "I remember having an emotional moment just before that black-haired from the Goth Shop sauntered up and addressed us. You did such a great job covering for me. I was totally freaked out by her -- I thought she had read me and was going to call me out. Afterward we ended up joking about your explanation that I was having 'boy problems' and her naive reply that boy problems usually involve an 'unwelcome penis' -- little did she know."
"When we first opened the shop Mom and I had to do a lot of covering for our customers. Now when someone gets read in the mall it usually is not big deal."
"Except for bigots like the guy that the cops hauled away. Anyway, as mom drove me home from our first meeting we had a deep conversation about my options. My wearing pretty dresses had always been game-playing at home. Now we were talking seriously about my future and growing up. I used the resource list that you gave me and started going to a support group at the Pride Center."
"I had been hoping to see you at the transgender support group my Mom and I run."
"The Pride Center is a lot closer to where we live. Besides I was trying to figure out if I was a brainwashed straight boy, an effeminate gay male, transgender, or what. Meeting other gender nonconforming teens really helped. I went through a gender-fluid, queer phase. I still had to be a boy at school but it felt good to experiment more in how I dressed. The problem was that I got a lot more bullying as a result. Between classes I was shoved into lockers and things like that."
"Did your school have an anti-bullying policy?'
"They eventually developed something. But, what helped the most is that some of the girls really started sticking up for me and let me hang out with them between classes.
"There has been lots of social change in the last two years, and that helped the situation at school. News articles and television shows have been exposing more people to gender issues. After Time Magazine ran that cover story about the 'transgender tipping point' I noticed more acceptance from even the really conservative teachers. Maybe I am coward, but I have become more open as things have become easier for non-binary and non-conforming kids."
"Yes, there has been incredible change since mom first opened her shop. Back then the few places that specialized in products for crossdressers and transwomen were fetish shops hidden in out-of-the-way commercial districts. Signs were discrete, windows covered, and clients slinked through the door. When Mom opened the shop she tried to keep the MtF aspect low-key, and the Teen Girl Dress Shop name was a code. Now we sell trendy fashion to cis-girls, t-girls, and anyone else from a prominent storefront in an upscale mall, and everything is completely open. Mall security and management are totally supportive about protecting our customers."
"I saw that today."
Brianna remembered how Jayden was manipulated into always playing with girls when little. "How does your mother feel about your gender issues now? Is she pushing you into womanhood?"
"She thinks having a daughter would be awesome. She always wished I were born a girl."
Brianna could see that Jayden did not look like a 15-year old boy and was curious. "Are you doing anything medically?"
"That was one area where my mother definitely pushed. She kept saying how unfortunate it would be if my voice changed and I started to show a beard before I made up my mind. One evening the support group watched a video about how helpful it was to start transitioning early, and I decided to take Mom's advice. When I told our usual doctor that I wanted to take puberty blockers she acted like this was an everyday request. Her questions were focused and professional. As she wrote the prescription she talked about 'informed consent guidelines' in contrast to the old psychiatric standards."
"Well, there are more boys deciding to become girls every day."
"I was always small and delicate, but with the drugs I don't look like a teen boy at all. One time a progressive teacher asked the class the politically correct question about preferred pronouns and I impulsively answered 'she/her'. A lot of the boys were uncooperative with that idea, but most of the girls thought it was neat.
"Although I had become a flamboyant dresser, that pronoun request was my first explicit statement of identity at school. It became somewhat of a joke because after I opted for she/her there was a big problem deciding how to count me when setting up coed volleyball teams in gym class."
'Gym class is a big problem for gender minorities."
"All our Phys Ed classes are coed. I change in a single stall bathroom, no shower until I get home. I can live with that. I don't want any more confrontation than necessary.
"Times are scary now, and there is a lot of post-election backlash. Look at the discriminatory bill North Carolina passed and the recent court cases."
"I am optimistic, Jayden. A decade ago we would not have even been discussing bathroom access as a mainstream political issue. The pendulum swings, but the trend is toward acceptance and inclusion. We need to keep our spirits up and support each other. The next few years may require lots of political activism, but we will get through it."
Brianna decided it was time to give some serious advice. "You have come a long way, Jayden. I know from experience that becoming a woman for life is not easy. Your mom my be trying to make you into a girl, but it is totally important for you to find your own self expression. If you have self-confidence people will accept you whether you present as male, female, or non-binary." Brianna decided it was safe to push the question. "The years between high school and college really set our path for life. How do you want to grow up?
"Mother has always been super supportive whenever I show feminine inclinations. Raising me as a part-time girl started out a her idea, but now I ..."
"Yes, go on."
" Becoming completely female is now my idea too. That is why I wanted to talk with you today. You have been such an inspiration, and I wanted to thank you.
"Thanks accepted. I love helping teens like you. What are your plans?'
"I will be starting hormones after my next clinic visit. I hope to make a full-time social transition over the summer. I know this is right for me, but I am still scared. Transitioning is such a big step."
"Congratulations, Miss Jayden Sanders. Let me give you a big hug. Let's celebrate the way girls do. Want to go shopping?"
"Of course. It will be fun shopping for girls' things while dressed like this. A year ago I would never have dared."
"Go for it girl. No one will care."
"Brianna, I have even noticed a change on internet TG fiction sites. Society has changed so fast that authors cannot keep up when crafting the crisis situations and conflict that make for a good story. They usually have to set their stories in past decades when gay was illegal and transgender was shameful. My English teacher once said 'Terrible times provide dramatic plots'."
"Consider all the Victorian romances and vampire novels girls love to read."
Just then the dark-haired girl who worked at the mall's Goth makeup and music shop strolled up to the table. Jayden cringed when she saw the pale face and black lipstick and realized who she was.
"Brianna, mind if I meet your girl friend?"
"Anastasia, meet Jayden."
"Pleased to learn your name, dear. I never forget a face. I remember that you were upset about something the last time I saw you here."
"A lot has happened in Jayden's life since then."
She leaned close. "Jayden, I think girls like you are totally awesome and so brave. Listen to Brianna, she has helped a lot of people like you."
The girl turned and walked away. "Jayden, her attitude toward transgender people has totally changed since her brother came out."
"How did she read me as trans so fast?"
"With your nice haircut and that shawl on your narrow shoulders you do look more like a girl from behind. Anastasia also knows this is my favorite place to sit when talking to people who want privacy. Here is where I first talked to her brother too." Brianna decided she had done enough counseling for Jayden and it was time to begin marketing the TG Dress Shop's merchandise.
"Well, if you are going to start taking hormones you will need some proper lingerie. We can start with some bras designed for a developing girl. I have a lot of experience fitting transitioning figures. You will want to start showing your new figure as soon as possible, but also need something to help shape and support you as your new pair of girls grow. Maybe you want to look at some makeup and sexy dresses too? I have a lot to show you."
The End
Devon and Cathy Growing Up, A TG Dress Shop Story
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Devon is jealous when his childhood friend, Cathy, leaves him behind with her activities and starts developing physically. He begins to explore on the internet. A shopping invitation leads him to Brianna Mitchell at the Teen Girl Dress shop who is experienced both selling trendy clothes for girls and helping confused boys like Devon.
"Ann Mitchell is the successful owner and manager of the Teen Girl Dress shop. She combines an excellent sense of fashion trends, a prominent location in Fashion Towne Mall, and creative marketing to operate a highly profitable and well-regarded local business. Ms. Mitchell and her daughter, Brianna, provide personal and financial support for many charities that are vital to our community." Ann looked over the opening of her self-promoting mini-biography with pride. She had been asked to submit a brief write-up to go with the newsletter photo announcing her latest major donation to the local Pride Center. She knew that being a community leader helped her business, but she was also sincerely committed to the causes she supported. The Teen Girl Dress Shop was not only a business, but also a place where young people could comfortably come in and talk about any and all issues with someone who was sympathetic and cared.
Her daughter, Brianna Isabella Mitchell was stunningly beautiful with fashion model looks and posture. When on duty in the store her makeup was always dramatic, but never overdone: translucent skin, accented eyebrows, long lashes, bright lipstick, matching nails. Wavy brown hair with blond highlights cascaded past her shoulders. A stylish headband was her usual way to keep her elegant hair pulled back from her face. Typically, she would wear a tight-fitting top that accented the shape of the push-up bra cupping her well-developed breasts. She had a large collection of short, but not too short, skirts that hugged her nicely rounded hips. She always claimed she only dressed up like that because she had to impress the customers at her mother's dress shop, but nobody believed that excuse.
Ann and Brianna had recently developed a new marketing theme of special services for girls getting their first bra. Although the shop was named 'Teen Girl' a large fraction of their business came from younger girls who wanted to look more grown-up and the target demographic was already coming into the store. The marketing theme was "We make you daughter's first bra a memorable occasion." They reinforced this theme with exceptional fitting expertise, discounts for multiple bra purchases, and a set of fitting room photographs on a secure CD to take home for memories. Needless to say, this integrated marketing lead to significant development in their intimate apparel section.
____________
Meanwhile, out in the suburbs Nancy Abell was getting ready for a talk with her son.
"Devon, come sit in the living room. I need to talk to you about something."
Devon knew this was always the lead-in to a 'personal conversation' about some aspect of his behavior or activities. Mom had a way of making gentle suggestions and providing encouragement in specific directions without any direct or harsh demands. He wondered what was up today.
"Mrs. Stewart told me she is taking Cathy to the Teen Girl Dress Shop at Fashion Towne Mall to be fitted for her first real bra tomorrow. They saw one of that store's advertisements and decided Cathy was at that age."
This put Devon on immediate alert, and questions raced through his mind. Bra fitting was not the sort of thing most mothers would be talking to their 13-year old sons about.
"She invited us to come along to share the experience. Mothers are always so excited when their daughters start blossoming into women, and buying a first bra is a real milestone. I hope you are willing join them. It will be a lot of fun. Besides, you and Cathy have shared so many other first-event experiences over the years."
"Yeah, she has been my best friend. But ..."
Devon suspected this shopping experience was another step in mom's ongoing project to make up for the fact the she ended up with a son, not a daughter. Her selection of an androgynous name was the start of it all. A few months after Devon was born mom's best friend Sarah Stewart had delivered Cathy, and the two children had been brought up together almost as siblings. Both Nancy and Sarah were strong ecofeminists who believed in things like population control, meaning having only one child, and absolute gender equality, which meant non-gender directive upbringing. The result was that Devon and Cathy grew up in an environment where boys and girls were encouraged to do the same things and wear similar outfits. In practice that meant the Devon often played the role of a pretend daughter to Nancy and pretend sister to Cathy.
Mom and Sarah Stewart's idea of equality in upbringing allowed for distinctly girlish tendencies. Cathy had the more assertive personality so her interests usually one out. Devon though back to how Nancy and Sarah would buy both dolls and action figures for their children, but somehow the dolls ended up getting nearly all the play time. Story book purchases involved both heroes and strong heroines, but it seemed to Devon that he was always about girls and women doing wonderful things. For active playtime Devon and Cathy ran around in jeans and tee shirts, but the pants usually had decoration on the back pockets, and the tee shirts were often pink-trimmed or had a floral design on the chest.
"But what darling?" Nancy replied with concern and brought Devon's wandering mind back to the present.
"What will people think about me hanging around in the underwear section of a dress shop."
"Devon, I have told you many times that it does not matter what people think. Most people are bigoted, small-minded, and loaded with cultural baggage. You need to be yourself and express your own interests and values."
Devon had heard all this before. It seemed that mom was always setting him up in situations where he had to go beyond gender norms and do it openly and with confidence. Once Devon got beyond the initial reluctance he often found the situation pleasurable, and would show no resistance to repeat opportunities.
Devon never forgot the time when he was six or seven and there was a 'meet the Lilac Fairy' reception party after a City Ballet matinee performance of Sleeping Beauty. The day of the show mom took him over to Cathy's house where matching wannabe ballerina outfits were waiting. Nancy and Sarah fussed as they put Devon and Cathy into the tights, tutus and sequined 'I want to be a dancer' tops. They finished off the ballerina look with fake hair buns, eyeliner, blusher, and bright red lipstick. As the walked from the parking lot into the theater they saw lots of little girls in similar outfits. Still, Devon was terrified both sitting in the theater during the show and as they went backstage afterwards. Devon kept looking around and saw only girls, but no boys, at the stage party. He said something about this to his mother and was told, 'Just think of this as wearing a stage costume like the real dancers. Besides, you many not be the only pretty boy enjoying himself here this afternoon.' After that experience it became more and more common for Devon and Cathy to wear matching outfits when attending dance events in the big city, but as they grew older the choices were usually more unisex and less flamboyant.
"Will Cathy want me there? I mean, she is ..."
"Sarah and I talked this over with Cathy and she is totally cool with it. Her reaction is was that she has always been willing to share her growing-up experiences with you. Besides, there is nothing embarrassing about girls undies. Come on, it will do you good to learn."
"Learn what!" Devon almost shouted.
"Dear, I have always tried to teach you to be a gentle, artistic, sensitive human being who appreciates and understands girls and women. I want to be sure you do not end up like that chauvinistic pig your father was, and probably still is."
Devon though about all the negative things he had heard about his father. No wonder she hates men Devon thought. I know she wishes I had been born a girl.
"OK, I'll go tomorrow. Just so I don't have to wear a dress and high heels," Devon joked.
Nancy brushed off the joke. "No dress for you, but I think a pair of your black stretch pants and a pink pullover would look good."
"Can I go to my room now?"
"Certainly, but be sure to change into something nice before dinner. We're going out with the Stewarts tonight."
Normally Devon would be hanging out with Cathy after school, but now she was in Level 4 gymnastics and had practice tonight. Years ago they had started pre-gymnastics together. Cathy declared that she no longer wanted to play baseball, and Devon agreed to drop the ball team to be able to continue to do the same activities as her. The beginner gymnastics classes were officially coed, but Devon never saw another boy in the studio. For a few years Devon kept up with Cathy as they learned increasingly difficult stretching, balance, and tumbling moves. The more advanced classes were officially for girls only, but Nancy asked for special permission. There had been a question about what Devon should wear. The gym director had told Nancy that as long as Devon wore a really tight dance belt underneath he could wear the same leotard as the girls, and that settled the issue. Of course, the matching leotard idea delighted Cathy.
Devon's problem occurred last year with the auditions for advancing to the next level. Being able to do the splits and a full backbend were considered an essential criteria to decide if the girls had enough flexibility to safely do the next level exercises. Cathy was able to easily slide down to the classic front splits position and could comfortably arch her back and look up. When his turn came to do the splits Devon struggled and was in great pain with several inches remaining between his thighs and the floor. He desperately tried a backbend, but the spotter had to catch him before his hands got half way down. That night there had been an extended discussion between Nancy and Sarah with the resolution that Devon's physical limitations should not hold Cathy back from something she loved. Devon was given the option of saying with the less talented girls for at least another year, but decided to drop gymnastics.
In the weeks that followed Cathy tried to console Devon, but her explanations made him feel worse. There were just some things like hip flexibility where female hormones gave a distinct advantage she kept telling him. It was Devon's first confrontation that with approaching puberty he and Cathy were going to change in different directions, and that there were a lot of things that he would not be able to do with her anymore.
"Are we still best friends forever?" Devon asked.
"Of course you are my BFF, but you know BFF can stand for something else, too," Cathy replied with a wink.
The afternoons when Cathy was away at gymnastics had given Devon time to sit at his computer and explore. He had never liked the violent action video games that boys his age were excited about, but he enjoyed exploring sites related to art, music, dance, and things like that. One day, while searching for New Orleans jazz music he stumbled on a video called "I am Jazz." This was his first real exposure to the topic of growing up transgender and he was inspired by this child's story. Next he started following web links and viewing other things related to gender identity. The ideas confused him. Were there really boys who were attended school dressed as girls and used the girl's restroom? Was it possible for a biological boy to look as beautiful as Kim Petras? He found other sites about European t-girls like one called genderkinderen, but a lot of these videos were in Dutch or German and he could only enjoy the pictures and struggled to guess at the dialog. He also found a few high-quality sites dedicated to legal and medical issues for gender non-conforming teens. Devon was internet savvy enough to use private browsing so history would not be saved, and he wrote key web addresses on a piece of paper rather than using browser bookmarks. He figured he was covering his tracks, but is hard not to leave slip up occasionally and leave some digital breadcrumbs.
For weeks Devon had been struggling with how the things he was discovering on the internet applied to him. He reasoned that since he absolutely was not attracted to boys he couldn't possibly be a girl inside. On the other hand, he did not seem to have typical male interests in girls either. Maybe being such close friends and growing up with Cathy had taken much of the romantic mystery out of boy-girl relations for him, but he wondered about what was going to happen in the next few years when hormones hit them both. For Cathy the process was already starting. Devon wished he could talk to someone about all this. He was afraid and needed to find a low-risk way to open a conversation with Mom. He leaned back on his bed and wondered why mom and Sarah wanted him to go with Cathy tomorrow.
Since mom had told Devon they were going out for dinner he called Cathy as soon as he was sure she was back from gymnastics. "What are you wearing for dinner?"
"Nothing fancy, my new Calvin Klein jeans and a pink blouse. How about you?"
"I'll do the same. See you at Olive Garden later."
Devon and Cathy still had a lot of matching or complementary outfits and knew their moms enjoyed seeing them dress alike. At Nancy's insistence Devon always kept his hair rather longish and neatly trimmed in a totally unisex style. When Devon went clothes shopping with Cathy it was not really obvious to strangers if they were two girls or a girl and a boy; and if anyone figured it out nobody ever said anything.
That evening Devon and Nancy met Sarah and Cathy for dinner at the Italian restaurant. Eating out was frequent since neither mom had much time for cooking. Sarah complimented Devon on his appearance: jeans that exactly matched Cathy's but a pale blue girl's blouse. "I see we have a boyish girl in pink and a girlish boy in blue tonight, how cute."
Devon blushed. "Not so loud, the next table might hear. Mom asked me to wear something nice, and I called Cathy to coordinate."
Sarah kept on topic. "Tomorrow Cathy is getting fitted with her first real bra. Before long she will be going from pre-teen blouses to ones with a fuller cut and darts on the side. What are you going to wear then, Devon?"
Devon looked down shyly and Nancy cut in. "We'll have to see, won't we?"
______________
The next morning the two mothers loaded Cathy and Devon into the car for the shopping adventure. As promised, Devon was wearing his black stretch pants, a wide ornamented belt, ballet flats on his feet, and a girl's style pink pullover on top. His hair was neatly brushed, and he had used a plastic headband to keep strays back from his face. Nancy looked approvingly at Devon's appearance, distinctly feminine, but so subtle that someone would need to being paying attention to notice.
The conversation turned to clothes and makeup as they drove to Fashion Towne Mall. Sarah and Nancy were teaching Cathy about the difference between looking like a strong, self-confident woman and looking like a frivolous, plaything for men. Meanwhile, Devon was along for the ride, and attempts to draw him into the conversation were met with one-word answers. They found a parking place convenient to the mall wing where the TG Dress Shop was located and headed inside.
"Come on, Devon. This is going to be fun," exclaimed Cathy with her usual outgoing personality.
They were a bit early for their scheduled fitting appointment so they took time to browse at various women's wear shops along the way. Evening dresses, casual wear, sports bras and tights were familiar to Devon, but the excited chatter was becoming too much. He looked at Cathy and realized that she was developing more and more of a feminine figure while he was stuck without the slightest hint of curves. At least he had not started to develop a masculine build either, but he dreaded the inevitable.
Finally, they came to the ornate sign for the Teen Girl Dress Shop in its fancy script and rainbow colors. Entering they were immediately greeted by Brianna Mitchell in her signature dressed-to-kill outfit consisting of dramatic but tasteful makeup, a short skirt with black mesh panty hose encasing her shapely legs, and a open-neck top that showed plenty of cleavage. "Welcome, you must be Mrs. Stewart with your wonderful daughter, Cathy. Yes? Well, I am here to make this a marvelous day for you. And this must be Nancy and Devon Abell? I have heard about Devon too."
Devon wondered what that last remark meant as they were directed to the intimates section of the store. Brianna indicated that he should wait on the couch while she lead Cathy back into the fitting rooms. Devon's eyes wandered around the store. If the goal had been to make him jealous of Cathy this was going to do it. The entire place was a celebration of youthful femininity with sections devoted to intimate wear, dresses ranging from practical to sensuous, and really stunning athletic wear suitable for track stars, gymnasts and cheerleaders.
After what seemed like an eternity Cathy emerged with distinct breasts pushing out the fabric of her blouse. "Devon, do you think I look good in a heavily padded A-cup? So far I have gotten a sports bra with lots of real support, some plain white bras for everyday, and this sexy one to wear when I what to show off what I will look like naturally in a year or so. Brianna has been taking keepsake pictures of the whole fitting process for Mom and me to remember this day by. I told her I wanted to get a few pictures with my BFF, but she insisted I cover my bra up with a blouse for any pictures outside the fitting area."
Somewhat reluctantly Devon got up and stood next to Cathy and they put arms around each other's waists. Brianna took a few pictures then encouraged them to try some more 'exciting' poses including snuggled really close together on the couch and standing facing each other chest to chest. Meanwhile Nancy and Sarah looked on approvingly. Suddenly Devon burst into tears.
"What's wrong? Aren't you happy for Cathy?" asked all four women as they hugged Devon.
"I ... I ... I'm so confused. I don't know how to say this but ..."
Brianna was very experienced in situations like this. Besides, Mrs. Stewart had briefed her about Devon's personality and about how he and Cathy had grown up sharing experiences together.
"Everything's OK, Devon. You might not believe me, but I understand your situation completely."
Devon did not know what to think. Fear, jealousy, curiosity, even a bit of awakening sexuality all ran through his mind. He wondered what Mom knew and what she may have told Brianna.
Brianna continued in her most reassuring voice. "I think you want to have breasts too. Don't you, Devon? You are not the first boy who has ever felt that way, and I know how to help special boys like you in touch with their feminine side. Do you want me to take you back for a fitting? I have bras that can make you look like a pretty girl."
Devon was near panic. He looked from Nancy to Sarah to Cathy and back.
"Devon, if you want to have a bra fitting that will be totally all right with me," said Nancy calmly.
"It would be neat if my BFF had boobs too."
Sarah cut in, "Cathy, use proper language. But, Devon, I also will be totally supportive if you are brave enough to do it. I think this is right for you."
Nancy put her hand on Devon's shoulder. "Dear, I suspect this is something you have secretly wanted. You did a pretty good job covering your tracks on the computer, but there were a few hints. I know you have been spending a lot of time exploring gender-related topics. Being gender-nonconforming is nothing to be ashamed of. Follow your heart, not social constraints."
Brianna was always quick to close a sale. "How about it Devon? Can I take you back to the fitting room now and show you some nice bras?"
Nancy and Sarah answered together. "It's OK to do it."
"If you get a padded bra then we can keep buying matching outfits," encouraged Cathy.
Devon was almost trembling as Brianna lead him and Nancy back into the fitting area, ushered him into a booth, asked him to take his shirt off, and took a quick pair of measurements. "Don't be embarrassed by me, just think of yourself as another girl. Hmmm, this is encouraging. Even though you have a slender build there is a distinct bit of puffiness on your chest. Estrogen-mimicking environmental chemicals cause that in lots of boys these days. Some boys are really embarrassed about having man boobs, but in your case it will be a treasure. I know just what will work, a 36 AA with full 'add-two-cups' padding. I'll be back in a minute."
While waiting for Brianna to return Devon and Nancy looked at each other. "Anything you want to say, dear?"
"Mom, I have been thinking about this sort of things for weeks, and ..." He was choking up.
"That's OK, sometimes it is hard to find the courage to begin a delicate conversation. Sarah and I figured that bringing you hear might be the trigger. Wasn't Brianna supportive once you began to express your self?"
Brianna returned with an armful of merchandise. "Is our new girl ready for her fitting?" she teased. "You don't mind me calling you a girl, do you, Devon?"
"I'm OK with that. Thanks."
"You know a big reason my mother started this business was to be a resource for helping boys who want to be girls. I think you are one of those, aren't you?"
After a few rounds of trying on various bras Devon was equipped with the TG Dress Shop first-fitting special combination. Given his build they had selected a dark blue fully lined sports bra, a three-pack of white lightly padded everyday bras, and a pink well-padded figure-enhancer. With Nancy's enthusiastic consent Brianna used the digital camera to document the fitting room process with factual, non-erotic images. Devon blushed as Brianna gushed, "The first bra is such a special occasion that mothers and daughters always want to be able to remember it in the privacy of their homes."
Next, she had Devon put on his pink pullover top which was tight-fitting before, and now was really stretched by the well-padded bra underneath. Cathy jumped off the couch in excitement when Devon reappeared from the fitting area. Of course, they had to redo their series of pictures together, but this time Brianna added extra ones showing them facing with their breasts close together. She even took a few with them lightly kissing with their arms wrapped around each other in a clean teen girlfriends pose.
Brianna went into her usual marketing mode. "Cathy, be sure to tell all your friends about the great experience you had at the Teen Girl shop. Here are some discount cards you can give the girls at your school to encourage them to come in for some dress and accessory shopping. My mother, Ann, and I pride ourselves on running the most fashionable store in the mall for pre-teen and high school girls. Thank you for becoming a customer." Then she turned and got more serious. "Devon, your mother is proud of what you did today. You made a decisive step. Give yourself a few days to think about how far you want to go in becoming a girl. If you start quickly you can transition before your male parts start pumping out testosterone. Here is a flyer with contact information for community resources that will be a big help if you and your mom decide that you should feminize further. My information is on this card. You can always contact me if you want to talk about social life, transitioning, or anything else."
Nancy, Sarah, and Cathy thanked Brianna for everything. Devon was getting emotional again. "Brianna, I don't know how to thank you enough for what you convinced me to do today."
Brianna gently brushed her hair back, put her hand on her shapely hips, and smiled coyly. "I want you to look back on today with the fondest memories. You are starting on a new path, but want to reassure you that I will be there to help. Making the transition from boy to girl is challenging and even painful at times. I know from personal experience."
The End