Message: "Yesterday...all my troubles seemed so far away..." -- The Beatles

A Life Ever Changing

Chapter One

by Angel O’Hare

Once upon a time, long, long ago...

A sixteen year old boy fresh and innocent in the ways of the world … needed a full time summer job close to home. It just so happened that a nursing home stood just down the street from his house. In the past he had always run his own mowing, yard work and odd job business. This no longer worked as to many problems cropped up to complicate his life.

His mother full of wisdom, love and caring instructed her son in just what to ... wear, say, walk, talk and anything else she could think of! Of course the tired old refrain of ’cut your hair’ was added and ignored as was usual. His girlfriend loved his shoulder length hair.

The year? Nineteen-sixty-nine! (His parents were divorced years earlier sad to say.)

The night before his interview and with his mother’s insistence, he went all out with his grooming. He showered, scrubbing everywhere completely using her ‘Avon’ purchased bar soap. He shampooed his hair twice, once again with his mother’s insistence using her shampoo. He had always used his store brand bar soap for that before now. Yuck, this stuff smelled like the soap! ‘Summer Mist’ it was called. Smelled more like a flower garden to him. He figured most of the smell would be gone by morning, at least he was hoping it would be gone by then.

For his fifteenth birthday his mom gave him a razor among other things. Stepping out of the shower and after toweling off, he looked in the mirror after wiping it clear of the steam. Still no use for the razor, his face was smooth and clear of any hair or even blemish. Actually, he had no body hair at all besides a small tuft of downy blond hair just above his boyhood. His eyebrows were thick with fine blond hair as was his head, his eyelashes long and full as well. He didn’t like his eyelashes; they were darker than his hair and eyebrows. Being so long and full, many people had thought he used something on them like mascara! They did make people look him in the eyes though; people were drawn to his deep sapphire blue eyes with tiny amber colored flecks that accented the intense blue. After brushing his teeth and rinsing, he put on his robe and cleaned up by wiping down the bath, making sure everything was neat and tidy as it was before.

He went downstairs to comb out the snarls and then brush his hair the required one hundred strokes. He did this so he would not wake his little brother who shared his room and who was already fast asleep. Yes, mom was there and insisted with a smile and a pat on his butt that she would do his hair for him and that he should just sit while they had a mother son chat. That is after she checked him over including his ears and fingernails. They were clean as always.

Checking to make sure his boyhood stayed hidden, he sat as his mother chatted on and on about how proud she was of him and all that stuff. This did make him feel good about himself and his decision to apply for a ‘real’ job. His mom said that in a real job you had bosses and co-workers; he had never experienced this before. He had always just had himself as a worker and the woman or man of the house for a boss as he did his mowing or odd jobs for them.

When his mother was finished with his hair, she surprised him with some new clothes for his interview. She said it was a gift because she was so proud of him and for all he has done for her and his siblings. Holy cow! She did get him a nice set of clothes. The colors were not what he would have chosen, but he never got to choose his clothes anyway. There laid out on the couch was a sheer yellow button short-sleeved shirt, a pair of summer weight light blue pants, a pair of yellow socks the same color as the shirt and a new pair of open toed sandals. He had never worn sandals before. Next to the pants he noticed a pair of briefs. Not a package, but just one pair of underpants. Pale blue, the same color as the pants were. He always wore boxers, so this was a surprise. His mother chuckled when she noticed the look on his face. She told him he could not wear boxers with the summer pants. Not only would the boxer underpants show in the legs being that the pants were so light weight every wrinkle and bunching lumps would show as well.

His mother was smiling as he gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek as he thanked her for the clothes. She told him to try them on so she could see how he would look and check the fit. He slid the blue brief underpants on under his robe. He noticed there was no ‘Y’ front, but they were made of cotton. They fit snuggly, but not too tightly. He removed his robe and was reaching for the shirt when his mom asked him to wait a second as she went into her room. She came out with a pale yellow sleeveless undershirt. She said she forgot to put it out with the other clothes and he would need it with the sheer summer shirt. He put it on and it fit snuggly, it was made of a stretchy type material. She told him to tuck it into his briefs so he did. The shirt was next and it was sheer all right. It had two chest pockets and you could see the thin shoulder straps of the undershirt outlined clearly through it. The pants came next, not as sheer as the shirt, but you could tell where the briefs ended and the socks began. He tried on the sandals and they fit well.

His mother had a huge smile on her face as he turned toward her. Flash! He was blinded for a second as she took a few pictures of him in the new clothes. She said he looked very handsome, gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek as she patted his bottom and sent him to bed.

***

Monday morning at five his clocks muted alarm sounded, muted because he had stuffed tissue inside the two bells. He hated the loud pinging sound it used to make. This also prevented his little brother from waking up sharply, which always made him cry.

He put on his robe and went across the hall to check on his little sister, she was still sound asleep, looking so cute holding her Raggedy Anne doll. She had kicked off her blankets and her thickly diapered bottom covered with pink plastic panties was sticking up as she lay on her tummy. He covered her with the sheet only and went to pee and wash up. He heard his mother in the shower as he went downstairs to the kitchen to make their breakfast. Soon she would be off to work not to return for twelve or more hours from then. Tea, eggs, toast and bacon he would make this morning. He hated tea; he preferred coffee and got out the instant store brand type. His mom always insisted on ‘Lipton’ tea and that is all you would find in their house.

After breakfast, a cheery chat with a, ‘good luck Honey’ and a pat on his bottom thrown in as she left, he began the morning ritual with his siblings.

***

The siblings now gone it was a little after six o’clock. (More about that later.) It was time to get ready for his interview. After brushing and rinsing his teeth, he began dressing in his new clothes. This time when he was finished, he looked in his mother’s full-length mirror.

“Oh my God!”

He exclaimed as he saw himself all in one glance. These clothes, it must be these clothes. He was a little confused staring at the reflection that appeared to be him. The yellow cloth belt he found on his desk chair that morning only added to ‘the look’. What he saw surprised him to no end. His blond hair free and flowing hid his ears and framed his smooth face that was now sporting red rosy cheeks as he blushed deeper at his reflection. He realized he wasn’t handsome, but cute! Oh geeze!

A knock on the front door made him jump and snapped him out of his shock. He opened the door to find his neighbor and girlfriend standing there. She looked at him and her eyes grew as large as her smile.

“You look so handsome! They will have to hire you right on the spot.”

She gave him a big hug as she kissed him deeply right on his lips. He liked this part! She giggled and asked him to give her a twirl. He reddened as he slowly turned giving her a full view front to back. She gave him a soft wolf whistle as she pinched his bottom as he turned. He reddened more as he jumped from the pinch. She giggled again and he smiled as he hugged her close and they kissed again.

“Barbara, I have to lock up and get started on my walk over there. Would you like to walk with me?”

“Oh, Rich, my mother sent me over to get you. She wants to take you and of course I am going!”

He locked the front door and, hand in hand, they went over to Barb’s house. As they entered her house, her mother took one look and stopped dead in her tracks. She smiled as her eyes twinkled in delight when she saw him.

“You look so beautiful! I just knew with the right clothes you would be gorgeous, but not this gorgeous!”

She came over to him and gave him a big hug and a kiss on his cheek. She chuckled; as she saw, his cheeks redden in embarrassment, making him appear as if he was wearing some ‘Blush’. Barbara was agreeing with Rita. Barbara’s mother had him slowly turn for her as well. Both kept chatting and showering him with compliments.

Rita glanced at her watch noting the time was getting close. “OK, handsome one, it is time we were on our way for your big interview. Do you have everything you need Rich?”

“Yes Mrs. Nelson, I have my Social Security card and my birth certificate in an envelope in my back pocket.”

“Rich that spoils your look having that envelope sticking out of your pants that way. You should hold it in you hand instead dear.”

“OK, Mrs. Nelson I will hold it instead.”

Rita smiled, grabbed her purse and the car keys as Barbara went and got her purse as well. They went to her car and she had them sit in the front seat with her. She backed out of the driveway and they were on their way.

Rita and Barbara kept looking at him and smiling, as Rita let out a sigh and shook her head as they were pulling into the nursing homes front drive.

“I am so amazed at your transformation with just a change of clothes. Honey, you outshine all of what I ever expected or how I pictured you in my mind. Handsome, would not describe it, you look beautiful and should be proud of your appearance. Now go in there and get that job!”

She gave his leg a good luck squeeze, as Barbara kissed him on the cheek and wished him good luck. This was it. He smiled and thanked them both as he got out of the car now holding the envelope in his hand he headed for the front door of the nursing home. With a final look back and a wave, he entered the front lobby of the ‘Shady Acres Rest Home’.

***

The lobby was an impressive one with a thick carpet that had many different flowers printed on it. Pictures and oil paintings covered the walls and the furniture was made of all deep colored wood and shiny clean with polish. There were flowers in vases everywhere and the aroma reminded him of what he smelled like. He got up his courage and walked up to the reception area, which had a glassed in wall.

Sitting behind, this glass wall was an elderly woman with ‘silver-blue’ hair. She looked up at his approach and smiled. A small nameplate read ‘Mrs. Snodgrove’. She slid open a small window built into the glass wall.

“May I help you?”

“Yes Mrs. Snodgrove, I am seeking a full time summer position.” (His mother has coached him in what to say.)

The elderly woman looked him up and down closely as he stood there smiling, silently hoping this all would be over soon. She smiled reassuringly and handed him a clipboard with several forms clipped on it along with a pen.

“I noticed you did not have a pen, you do look very nice, dear.”

She chuckled as she noticed his cheeks redden.

“I need to copy your birth certificate and your social security card, Honey. I will notify Mrs. Brown you are here. Ten minutes early as well, that is always a plus, Sweetie.”

He smiled, handed her the envelope and thanked her as he sat in a nice overstuffed chair to fill out the forms. Geeze, she called me dear, honey and sweaty, geeze! His cheeks still red from the encounter, he started filling out the forms. He crossed his legs to ease using the clipboard putting his sandals and pale yellow socks on display.

Finished with the forms, he returned to the window and Mrs. Snodgrove. She looked at him with a questioning expression on her face. She slid open the window taking the forms and returning his envelope to him. “You are a boy.” This was not said as a question, but a factual statement. How should I respond to that? Turning very red, but still smiling I stood there as I answered the best I could.

“Yes. Mrs. Snodgrove, I am a boy.”

She smiled reassuring me and nodded her head in acceptance, I guessed. She gathered everything in a folder; she looked at me once more.

“You look very nice dear and I was surprised that’s all. I have seen a few boys come in here looking for work and I can say none looked as presentable as you are. I know it is hard for young boys to make themselves look as nice as you do. I do hope you will be working for us soon.”

I thanked here as she smiled and walked away, asking me to have a seat and wait.

There was a large mirror hanging on a corner wall and I went to it to check my appearance one last time before the interview. I pushed my hair back away, uncovering my ears with my hands, letting it fall behind my neck and hoping it would stay there. I sat back down and waited to be called for the interview. I found and read a few brochures that described ‘Shady Acres Rest Home’ and what care and services they provided the people who stayed here. I was impressed to say the least and overwhelmed with what I did not know about this business.

***

I was reading a brochure that gave short descriptions of the many ‘common’ diseases the elderly suffered from, especially senile dementia, I thought how funny real life is. You start out life as a baby and all too soon you return needing the same care as one. The only difference being one state is a growing one and the other is a receding one, a sad end to a full life. As I was thinking about all this, a lady holding a folder had walked up to me unnoticed; I was so deep in thought. I looked up and was startled by her being right next to me and I had not noticed. I felt myself blushing again I was so embarrassed.

She was smiling down at me and was chuckling.

“Did you find those interesting to read?”

“Yes Ma’am, they got me thinking, and I am sorry I did not notice you coming.”

She chuckled again and asked me to go with her. She was dressed in a business suit. The suit was definitely tailored and consisted of a white jacket with a white over the knee length skirt, a light blue blouse that was same color as my pants. White nylon stockings and ended with a pair of light blue shoes that looked comfortable to wear. I say that because they were not heels even though they had a solid sole that did raise the heels. They were not fancy shoes or sneakers, but looked to be made of soft leather.

“My name is Mrs. Brown and ordinarily Ms Dustin would be doing your interview. She is in charge of all hiring and new employee training. It seems you impressed Mrs. Snodgrove so much she brought your application straight to me.”

“She is very nice and made me feel comfortable and less nervous.”

She chuckled again and I noticed her name-tag read RN and had a bunch of other initials after that. I smiled and relaxed a little as we walked around a corner and through a door that led to more doors and her office. All the while, she made small talk with me by asking me questions about the brochures contents. We went through an open door and a lady, I guess she was in her twenty’s, was sitting at a desk. Mrs. Snodgrove was there as well talking to her in a hushed voice. They looked up at us as we entered and both had big smiles on their faces. The lady sitting was looking at me closely like she was studying me. She looked at Mrs. Snodgrove and mouthed the words ‘No way.’ Mrs. Snodgrove just chuckled shaking her head up and down mouthing the word, ‘Yes.’

Mrs. Brown chuckled and introduced me to Mrs. Cindy Dell, her personal secretary. She stood and we shook hands, as I introduced myself as Richard O’Hare. Mrs. Snodgrove took my hand as well and told me I could just call her Mary. I was surprised at that! All the older women I have ever met have asked me to call them anything from ‘Mrs.’ to ‘Auntie’, from ‘Grandmother’ to even ‘Mommy’, never a first name. I thanked her and said she could call me Rich. She chuckled again and left.

Mrs. Brown spoke to her secretary as I stood next to her.

“Cindy, would you give ‘Ricky’ a ‘new employee requirements’ folder please?”

She had referred to me as ‘Ricky’. I much preferred ‘Rich’ because it sounded older and not like I was a child. My mother only used ‘Richard’ when she was upset with me and that was very seldom. I did not like being called Ricky and I would mention that fact soon enough, but I had to be tactful at all times according to my mother.

Cindy handed me the folder and Mrs. Brown informed Cindy that we would be in ‘the’ lunchroom. She motioned for me to go with her and I followed her down a long hall, which smelled pretty heavy to say the least. We ended up in a lunchroom. A very nice one that I later found out was the ‘nurses' only dining room. It wasn’t empty; there were several nurses sitting and chatting, drinking coffee or tea and eating danish, doughnuts or cookies. Their looks, smiles, stares and the chuckling made me nervous and uncomfortable again as Mrs. Brown introduced each nurse to me and introduced me to them as ‘Ricky’. I was blushing and this seemed to further the chuckling and stares. I could hear them talking to each other as Mrs. Brown had me sit at a small table so I was facing everyone. GEEZE!

“Are you thirsty, Ricky? I am getting a tea for myself.”

“Yes. Thank you, Mrs. Brown; I would like a black coffee, thank you.”

She frowned a little at my request, but smiled as she went to fetch her tea and my coffee. The nurses were still looking over at me in quick like glances. They then would giggle or shake their heads and say things like ‘no way is that a boy’, ‘to pretty to be a boy’, ‘look at that face and her hair’, ‘I wish I had her legs and bottom’, ‘such smooth clear skin and wearing no make-up’, when she blushes she is even more pretty, I love her outfit it looks very comfortable and so ‘stylish’, ‘I wonder how she spells her name?’ This went on and on all through the room, as they kept giving me those looks.

I opened the folder Cindy had given me and began to read as a distraction from all the comments which now had me beet red from head to toe I was so embarrassed. The thought that kept interrupting my reading was, ‘do I really look that much like a girl?’

Thankfully, Mrs. Brown came back with our beverages, but instead of a coffee she set a glass of grape juice in front of me with a few cookies on a little plate and a few paper napkins.

“Ricky, be careful with that grape juice, we wouldn’t want you to get a stain on you very nice outfit. Where did you get it? It is very stylish and looks so good on you.”

“Um, my mother bought it for me for this interview. I don’t know what store she found it in and I didn’t think it was an outfit, just different stuff that matched well.”

Mrs. Brown chuckled, smiled and looked at me searchingly for a few seconds and then she began the interview.

“This is your first formal interview for employment isn’t it, Ricky?”

“Yes ma’am, before this I was self employed doing yard work and odd jobs around my neighborhood. I made good money doing that, but all my free time was used in either working or finding new work. I wanted more free time this summer, so I thought it would be better if I could find steady full time work. That way I could schedule myself more free time.”

She looked impressed! She nodded and smiled and made notes in her folder, all good signs to me.

“Ricky, you have impressed me enough for me to offer you a job here with us. We are team oriented and you will never be working alone and you will always be learning. A Nurse Aide can be either an entry-level position to gain experience in direct care as you further your education to either become a nurse or anything else in this field. I want you to know that it is also a career for many as well. Never think that a nurse aide is only a start to something else. You will hurt many people’s feelings if you think or believe that way. Not everyone can go on with their education for many different reasons. The nurse’s aides we have here are dedicated and caring individuals. Those that have been here for years know our residents better than any nurse and even better than most of the residents’ families. The first rule to being a very good caregiver is to know the residents well. You’ll learn that from caring for the residents yourself and from the veteran nurse aides. If you follow their advice, you will learn faster and be able to perform your duties in a timely fashion.”

“Thank you, ma’am, I will try very hard to learn and work with others. I don’t have much experience working with other people. Most of my time is spent helping my mother by doing the things she can’t do. She works twelve hours a day providing for us, so I have a lot to do at home. I don’t mind; I really enjoy doing it and caring for my little brother and sister.”

“Ricky, are you sure you can manage all that while working a full time job yourself?”

“Oh yes, Mrs. Brown, my mother hired a sitter who will do all the light cleaning as well as watch Jerry and Terry. Most of my time was spent doing the light stuff because it is so time consuming. My mother told me this job would let me be home by four o’clock in the afternoon. That leaves me enough time to do what needs doing and be in bed at ten o’clock. I will also have my two days a week off and that lets me have a free day just doing what I want to do. I never could do that before.”

“OK Ricky let us get through all this other stuff and I will show you around our facility and meet some of your co-workers.”

All the regular stuff was explained to me and I was offered a great wage, $1.25 an hour, I was in heaven! Now for the other stuff…

  

A Life Ever Changing
Chapter Two
by
Angel O'Hare

  

"Get a job, Sha na na na..."
--The Silhouettes

  

All the regular stuff was explained to me and I was offered a great wage, $1.25 an hour, I was in heaven! Now for the other stuff...

But first, she asked me one final question. I mean of all the stupid questions, why was she asking me if I liked girls? Of course I said I did and that I had a girlfriend. She seemed to relax then, why? I know now, but I didn't back then.

“OK Ricky let us get through all this other stuff and I will show you around our facility and meet some of your co-workers.’

Now for the other stuff...

I had to wear uniforms, all white, white socks and white shoes. My hair (long) was to be tied back or braided. BRAIDED ?, NO WAY!   Clean-shaven was a must and no underwear that would show through my uniform was allowed. Was she serious? GEEZE! I think she liked seeing me turn red as a beet! She then asked me to follow her again so she could introduce me to everybody. Ok, what the heck. I did not know then that I was the first ever male to be hired by this facility.

The introductions were very strange indeed! I was receiving some very strange looks from everybody and the DON (as she told me she was ) had a stupid grin on her face the whole time. A lot of female teens worked there and just about every one giggled as I was introduced as a new ‘floor ´ employee. Floor employee; what the heck was that I wondered?

...After all the introductions were done (a long hour or more) the DON took me back to her office. Wow, what an office! It was very impressive to say the least. Large room with AC, wall to wall carpeting with one of those Indian throw rugs in the middle of the floor, a big shiny wooden desk and a chair that looked imposing as heck! Funny how ‘her ´ chair was higher than the one I was to be sitting in. She pointed to ‘my ´ chair so I sat. She sat in hers and I was looking up at her of course.

I was nervous again! I had thought the interview was over. Not so!

She smiled down at me and said; "Just a few small points I need to stress with you Ricky." ( I HATE BEING CALLED RICKY ! ) I interrupted... Not a smart thing to do ... and informed her, my name was Rich or Richard. She then proceeded to inform me how impolite it was to interrupt someone while they were speaking. UUHHGG !

She then asked me if she could continue. I knew I had done something stupid right then. I just nodded and apologized. Smart move! She smiled and said; "R-I-C-K-Y, ! You are a young boy and will need to learn many things and quickly. Can this get any worse? So you will report to me Monday morning in full uniform at 6:45 sharp in the nurse's dining room. She then handed me a bunch of papers and said; "All of what you will need is listed there as well as a good place to purchase them along with a coupon for a discount." I said; "COOL !" She frowned, oops. I then said; "Thank you very much." She smiled, I am learning!

Then! To my surprise she informed me it was time to complete my application and for her to gather other pertinent information. She asked the questions and wrote the replies. Good, because my spelling and penmanship sucked big time. BUT! Wait a second here! Some of these questions can't be on any application! I really think she enjoyed seeing me turn beet red! Especially when she kept using the ‘RICKY ´ name! She then asked for my parent's names and phone numbers for their work and for home. I had to tell her I was living with my mother and that my parents were divorced.

"Oh" crispy! This set off another bunch of questions I really did not want to have to answer, but being such a ‘young ´ and inexperienced ‘boy ´ I answered all of them. Red as a beet! I had to tell her my mother worked and I took care of my little sister and brother. My little brother is mentally handicapped and my little sister has a physical defect that keeps her in diapers most of the time. RED, RED, RED ! She really smiled then! She asked me how and what I did to take care of them. So, reluctantly I told her. She pressed in certain areas for details. She just got happier and happier! I got a permanent blush from head to toe!

She smiled and dialed the phone. Who was she calling? My mother! Oh Crap again! With me sitting there, she introduced herself to my ‘mom. ´ Then of all horror of horrors, she told my mom all the things she told me, PLUS! She asked about my brother and sister and confirmed what I had told her. Her smile got bigger! She then informed my mom about the uniform requirements. Her smile vanished for a second. (OH NO! ) She looked over to me and asked if I would mind giving up 50% of my future earnings each week to pay back the facility for uniforms. "Oh" GEEZE !!! What could I do? I said ‘K. ´ She frowned and I quickly said "Yes Mrs. Brown" she smiled again. I'm learning!

Then I heard the worst thing any young man oops I mean ‘young boy ´ can hear! She informed my mom that it would be no problem and that she would take me herself to get the uniforms. OH GEEZE !!!

She then told my mom that she would drop me off at home when we were through and was looking forward to meeting her.

The look on my face must have been one of those Kodak ® moments; FEAR ! My mind was a whirlwind of activity. She is going to take me! She is going to do what mom usually does I am sure of it! She will be paying for my uniforms and shoes and, oh no, HUH ? She started to express things in a way I never thought of. She said “Ricky, you are starting a job almost exclusively performed by women. Your appearance and demeanor will be very important. You will be learning something new almost every minute you are here. It is very important that you do well from day one.’

And the list went on and on, but then she said the words that made me decide to really give this more than a shot. She smiled, looked me in the eyes and said "I believe it is the right time for males to show they are more than providers and rulers. It is time for them to open up their hearts and give from within themselves; to use their strength in a gentle way with caring and compassion. My interview with you has led me to believe you are that type of person. I believe you can do this and do it very well indeed. It will not be easy and you will probably want to just get up and walk out more than once. BUT! If you decide that this is something you can and would like to do, I will help you in any way I can. So, what is your decision?"

Holy Crap my decision? I took a little time here; many things went whooshing through my mind at light speed. She stood up and walked around her desk stopping right in front of me. "Well," she said, "what have you decided?"

I said, "Let ´s go shopping!"

Her smile was a reward in itself to me. She nodded and said; "Let ´s go." So, we were off to the uniform shop. I have never been to a specialty shop that I could remember. All I had ever heard of special stores was "EXPENSIVE" for everything! We stopped at her secretary's desk and she told her she would be gone for the rest of the day. Now, boy, did I get some looks! And smiles and chuckles and, and, and.

"Very nice car," I told her. Wow, a Caddy! Cloth seats, AC, a radio with a wonder bar! (For you folks that are too young, a wonder bar was the first search and scan gizmo invented for a car radio.) V8 engine! Automatic transmission! Very nice car! I was pleased to say the least to be able to ride in this vehicle.

We got in and she told me to fasten my seat belt. (Not done in those days for most people. Optional equipment back then actually.) We were off and then the nice conversations started. Oh, sure! She started on what I needed to purchase. Five shirts, five pairs of pants, two jackets, two pairs of shoes and you need to order your name pin. (PIN ? ) Then she asked me about underwear of all things! RED, RED, RED! Did I mention my face, neck, well, GEEZE! My whole body was a shade of red!

I think by the expression on her face she was struggling not to laugh. She looked at me briefly (Thank goodness, she was driving after all.) and asked me; "Ricky do you prefer plain white underpants or colors?" GEEZE !!! I didn't think they even had colors for males! She then told me briefs would be better they were more comfortable under slacks. (How would she know?) So I asked her. (GOTCH-YA! ) Or so I thought.

She matter of fact told me, "Common sense really, briefs will not bunch up with all the moving, bending and running you are going to be doing." Ok, she got me again! Will I ever learn ?

Ok, so on we went and the conversation moved to my siblings. I ended up telling her that I had no real social life. I had to go straight home from school to take care of my brother and sister. No after school activities, no real dates. Just hang out with my girl on weekend afternoons.

I had very few friends because I just did not have any time for them. Well, actually I had no friends really. That sucked, but family is much more important isn't it? Clothes? Ha! One suit for church, one nice outfit for special events like this one, one pair of dress shoes, three pairs of school pants and three button-down shirts also for school. I had two pairs of jeans, one pair of beat-to-heck sneakers and a few pullover short sleeve shirts. That was my clothing total. Mr. Fashion I was not. But, who cares really. This was the first time I was allowed to do anything outside of taking care of my siblings, the house and yard.

So we then talked about what I did at home. I did most of the talking and she just asked questions. So I gave her my day-to-day schedule. Up at 5:00 am shower and put on my robe. I dressed for school after everything else was done. Put water on for mom's tea and start making breakfast. Mom was showering and getting ready for work while I did this. Ok, mom and I had tea and breakfast while she went over what I had to do that day. Ok, dishes rinsed and in the sink. Bye mom.

Go and run a bath for my little sister. She hated showers she is only six. Go get her out of bed and carry her to the bath. That was much easier than trying to wake her up and make her walk. Help her out of her night things and soaked diapers and into the tub. She would wake enough to do the rest by then.

Ok, then to my brother. He was ten but more like three due to his handicap. Get him up and sit him on the toilet. We had a small bathroom with just a sink and toilet in my mom's room. Ok, holler to my sister to get out of the tub and dry off. Bring my brother to the living room with his toys.

Go back to my sister's room and help her get dressed. Training pants in case of an accident. Not often, but it did happen from time to time. Most of her dresses buttoned up the back so she usually needed my help. I then brushed her hair, fixed it in a ponytail or two, her choice.

Then it was time for breakfast. Ok, after they both had breakfast it was time to dress my brother. That done we waited for Mrs. Smith. She would take my sister to school and watch my brother while I was at school. I should mention she was also a licensed teacher for handicapped children. Ok, now I got dressed and walked to school.

What? Oh, here is the uniform shop! Great!

Now this was a large store for a specialty shop. I must have looked very nervous because Mrs. Brown told me to relax and that it could actually be fun. SURE, FUN! NOT!

We walked into the store and a well-dressed older woman, and I mean older! came over to us and greeted Mrs. Brown like an old friend. Mrs. Brown greeted her with “Hello Betty we could use your help with Ricky here.’ DARN HER !

Well, Betty told me to call her Betty and she of course called me Ricky! GEEZE ! She asked Mrs. Brown what we were looking for and of course Mrs. Brown said; "Everything!" Oh please God be merciful ! I promise to go to church every Sunday from now on with no hassle!!!

PLEASE ???

Now there were several other women and girls in this shop at the time and yes, they were all staring at me! Betty asked me what sizes I wore and of course I had no idea. They both smiled at me like this is going to be more fun than we thought. Betty asked me to follow her and we went in the back of her shop. She then really surprised me by telling me, not asking. to remove everything but my t-shirt and panties. PANTIES ? Now I right away exclaimed that I did not wear panties! Turning very red in the process I might add.

Betty apologized saying she did not get many men in her shop and it was an automatic request. Ok, but I then asked where the dressing room was. She laughed and said that this was it for me unless I would like to join the women and girls. Oops, no way! Ok, this will have to do.

Betty left and there I was taking my clothes off with a bunch of women and girls right outside the stupid thin curtain! That was the only thing separating the back room from the store. I could hear Mrs. Brown and Betty talking in low voices outside, but I just could not make out everything they were saying. Just parts like "a nice boy, innocent and naive, gentle and caring," Man, could they stop! GEEZE!

Ok, at least ten minutes must have gone by which seemed like ten hours! There I am standing in my underwear when they both come walking in the back. Oh GEEZE! No place to hide! Talk about embarrassed! But, then again what did I expect anyway?

Betty had a cloth tape measure in her hands and she started measuring me everywhere and I mean everywhere! She called out my measurements, which Mrs. Brown being ever so helpful wrote down on a form. Now I have been measured for a suit before but these measurements were much more thorough! Betty said; "Now that the measuring is all done let us pick out a few items for you." Oh great, now they are going to do the picking out! Yupper, just like mom always did. They ask you if you like it and if you do that's great, but if you don't tough crap!

I started to put my pants back on and they both said at the same time "DON'T"! I was handed a robe (At least it was a blue one.) that I would never be caught wearing in a million zillion years! Blue satin, oh wonderful! NOT !!!

The curtain was pulled aside and of course just about everybody in there looked around and right at me! DARN IT !!!!!! I hate this!!!! Yupper, giggles and chuckles and laughter! Betty said to me; "Don't let it bother you. It is only that they are not used to seeing a boy in the shop." Sure, especially one, wearing a girl ´s blue satin robe!

Well, at least there were others in the shop wearing robes. No boys, but there were others. They should have given me a bright red robe. At least then it would have matched my skin color!

Off we walked to a corner. Yes, a small corner that had a few items on shelves and three racks. One rack which held a few dozen shirts. Another rack held a few jackets and one rack with a few dozen pairs of pants. On the shelves were the underwear, socks, shoes and various other items I did not have a clue as to what they were for. Now why couldn't they have selected one of each for me and brought them to the back room? No fun in that I guess!

Betty asked me; "Ricky look around my shop and tell me what you observe and what you think about it, please?"

What? Ok, so I did and noticed that the women and girls had a lot more to choose from. The choices for the men and boys paled in comparison! I also noticed that the females had nice dressing rooms. The males did not even have one!

I also noticed every female in the shop was looking at me! Not out in out staring, (SOME WERE THOUGH! ) but quick glances. When they saw that I had seen them, they would chuckle and smile while they looked away. So after I looked around I looked at Betty and said; "The shop is obviously mostly for women and girls. The men and boys section looks like it was an after thought. The females have very nice dressing rooms while the males have none. The biggest difference is in the choices of items. Where as, the women and girls have many choices of styles and colors; the men and boys have very few choices at all. Another point I would like to point out is that it is uncomfortable for a male to shop here. All the staring and laughing at me by the women and girls shopping here would tend to make me not return."

Mrs. Brown and Betty laughed and Betty spoke saying; "Ricky, you would be surprised at what men and boys can wear. ("Oh" GEEZE ! NIGHTMARE !) You are a very observant and smart boy! You are correct in many of your observations and I thank you for your honest opinion. The truth is that we get very few male customers here. You are correct that there are very few choices in the male section. I will fix that shortly though. You see Ricky there are many items in this shop a boy could wear. I just have not added them to this area yet."

Another lady nearby looked up and chuckled. She had to add her two-cent's worth then! (Will this nightmare ever stop?) She said, "So much of what you boys wear is never seen and you could actually wear a lot in this shop and no one would ever know."

Yupper, I think I will just die right now and never worry about life again! Chuckles, giggles and laughter resounded through out the shop! Yes, they were having lots of fun. At my expense!

Betty then cleared her throat rather loudly and the laughter stopped shortly after that. Betty continued by saying; "You are also correct about the dressing room situation. The next time you come I promise that a male dressing room will be in place." She smiled and gave me a hug saying, "You are such a thoughtful and sensitive boy. I love you already and we have just met." "Oh" GEEZE!

"Well," said Betty; "Let us choose something for you shall we?"

"THANK GOD"!

"Yes, please," was all I could say. I think I had a fever, my skin felt like it was 120 degrees!

Betty said my t-shirt was much too small for my size. I had to agree it was tight, but well, I thought it made me look good. (I was in great shape.) She held up a t-shirt Not a regular cheap T-shirt I will tell you that. and said, "You should try that on, but wait a minute."

Just then another women asked; "What is his size?" WHAT? WHY? Betty told her, but it was just a number not a size. I was a 36 regular. Not a single digit number! The lady started looking through a rack. Now that rack was not meant for man or boy! This could not be happening to me!!! (GOD? Please God! I promise I will be good for the rest of my life! ) "What did I ever do to make God so angry with me?"

Well, I decided to just get this over with and as fast as I could manage it. I took the T-shirt and asked them; "What else do I need?" I had hoped I had asked this before they could start something else.

Betty then said; "You will need several pairs of panties."

Panties Again! "Oh" GEEZE! Will she ever stop? I heard several of the girls and women nearby chuckle so I said, "Betty I do not wear panties. I wear boy's underpants. There is a difference you know!"

Betty and Mrs. Brown chuckled and Betty apologized saying; "I am sorry again Ricky. Here, try these U-N-D-E-R-P-A-N-T-S they are the brief style and should fit much better under your uniform slacks than the boxer style." She handed them to me and off to the back room I went. Thank GOD!!! I was hoping they would just pick out a shirt, jacket, and a pair of pants and bring them back to me. RIGHT! SURE! NOT!!

I knew I had to be real quick about changing into the new underwear because I had a feeling they would just barge right in a few seconds after I got in the back room. I set a speed record for changing my underpants I can tell you that! I had just taken off my t-shirt and they walked in. I beat them to the punch this time!

Betty handed me something soft and silky to try on instead of the t-shirt. I took one look at it and said no! It was plain white and had a round collar and no sleeves. They both told me it would be much more comfortable to wear and it WAS plain. I said NO! They did look disappointed, but I had held my ground.

So I put on the ‘boys ´ t-shirt. After doing what I refer to as the ‘MOM ´ checks they were satisfied with the fit. Then to my utter surprise Betty told me; "Ricky wait here and we will get you a few uniforms to try on ok?" Wow, cool!

NOT.......

I put on the robe and waited. I peeked out into the shop and they were talking to the lady who must have picked out the other undershirt. A shake of a few heads and a shrug of a few shoulders and that was that. So I thought!

I swore I would never complain about clothes shopping with Mom ever again!!! I could always count on her to be fast. Pick a few things out. Ask me if I liked them. Even though it did not matter one hoot if I did. Try them on. Have her do the "MOM" check and that was that.

Most of you readers know what the mom check is right? No? Ok for those who do not know here is a short description of what boys go through when their moms are checking the fit of their new clothes. You have just changed into your new school clothes and come out of the dressing room. (Moms are not allowed in the men's dressing room so you have to step out in front of who ever are also outside.) Mom then pulls on the waist and then pulls on the damn crotch to make sure we are not too tight in that area. You jump as she does this. It is an automatic response. If anybody is standing around they laugh at you. They always do! That is why boys hate to shop for pants with their mothers!

NOT HERE and not with these people!! Oh no! This was a fun outing for them! I took another peek out into the shop and they were not in ‘the male section. ´ I could not even see them! Where in heck did they go? All of a sudden someone spoke to me from behind me. I must have jumped ten feet in the air! Yes, another side entrance from the main floor through the dressing rooms! "Oh" GEEZE!

Mrs. Brown and Betty had several shirts and pants they wanted me to try on. But first they had several different styles of socks. What? Ok, so I sat as Betty handed me the first pair. She told me, "Ricky these are white dress hose and lighter than regular work style or athletic hose."

Hose? What the heck! "Socks," Mrs. Brown added.

Oh, ok! Light was right. These were hardly anything at all! Like lighter then ban Lon! I did not like them. Ok, the next pair was heavier but they went up way to high. I did not like them either. GEEZE, they went up past my knees! Ok, the next pair was cool and I liked them. Over the calf and they were thicker.

Betty told me to take the tops and fold them over till they were just over my ankles. What? Ok, NO WAY! They had designs on the inside! Nope, off they came! Chuckles and smiles are all I heard and saw. I had had enough. I was getting angry and frustrated. I guess they saw this and Betty handed me an honest to God real pair of ‘boy ´s ´ white athletic socks! YES! Ok, I am happier now. I reminded them that the money for all the items was coming out of my future earnings. (OOP's did I just make another stupid mistake?)

Ok, so there I am now standing in my new t-shirt, underpants and socks. Betty then said; "Ricky I have several blouses for you to try on."

"WAIT, I don't wear blouses!"

Mrs. Brown looked at me sternly with a tight frown on her face and said, "Ricky, these are shirts and you better relax. Betty is used to outfitting women and girls, so she uses the female names for the clothes. So please don't make her or me angry by any further childish outbursts." She went on, "Betty has been patient and kind towards you and her help is greatly needed and you should be thankful instead of so argumentative!"

I apologized to Betty and to Mrs. Brown, thanking Betty for all her help and adding that this was new to me and I was very uncomfortable and embarrassed. I went on to say that I had never worn girls or women's clothing and I really was not interested in the least to start now. They both just shook their heads and gave me one of those ‘What are we going to do with you looks. ´ I truly believe that you really know when you have reached adulthood when you can give someone young ‘THAT LOOK. ´

Ok, on with the ‘blouses ´ AKA (also known as ) shirts. The first one was real cool! I liked it. It was very form fitting and was made out of what they called gabardine. It looked good, felt great, only it was not quite right.

For one thing, there were seams coming from each side even with my chest, like thick lines. Another thing that was different was the darn buttons were on the wrong side! I had a heck of a time buttoning it up at first! Yes, here is where being innocent and naive did not serve me well at all.

I asked them. "Why are the buttons on the wrong side and why does this shirt have seams coming out from the sides to my chest?" They told me the seams were there for extra support and strength. Ok. The buttons were not that important were they? I said I guess not I will just have to get used to them being on the wrong side. Ok, one ‘blouse ´ I actually thought was a ‘shirt ´ added to my pile.

Next was a shirt I did not like at all. It was very light and had short sleeves, but the sleeves had a button on them and this I knew was a girl's shirt! NOPE! Ok, on to the next one. Nice plain white dress shirt, the chest pockets were a little on the small side, but it was a nice shirt. That darn button thing again! Ok, add that one to the pile. I also wished it did not have those support seams.

Ok, on with the next one. WOW, a real shirt! Buttons on the correct side, no support seams, nice normal sized chest pockets! I got two of those; Five shirts. Cool, that part was over!

Nope! One more shirt! They both informed me that this one was a gift from Betty. "Oh" GEEZE!  Ok, it wasn't that bad and it was a gift so I did not have to pay for it. It was a short-sleeved pull over shirt. The sleeves had cuffs that fit comfortably but tightly just below my shoulder muscles. Instead of a pocket it had "Nurse Aide" on it sewn in thread and written in script. The color of the writing was a light blue. It had a regular collar just a little smaller than I was used to. I said; "Thank you Betty." What else could I say? They told me to keep that shirt on.

Now for the slacks ‘AKA ´ pants! The first pair was not to my liking at all. No back pockets and they fit too tight for me to even put anything into the two front pockets. Add to that they buttoned on the wrong side and the zipper flap was opposite of my other pants as well.

NOPE!

Ok, next pair was much better. Still no back pockets, but they were roomy in the seat and comfortable to move in. The darn zipper and button were wrong again. They did have deep front pockets, which I liked. The belt loops were smaller than my regular pants as well. I told them I didn't have a belt for these pants. Betty told me not to worry. Why did that make me worry even more?

Ok, next pair were the best! Nice back pockets, nice front pockets, zipper and button were where I thought they should be. They fit great! I got two pairs of them! The next pair was different. They were made from a stretchy fabric that hugged my butt and legs down to just above my knees. They felt good but I was uncomfortable about my male parts being hugged liked that and being on display so to speak. Also, they felt like they lifted and separated my butt as well.

When I looked in the full-length mirror I died on the spot! NO DARN WAY! From my waist to my knees there would be no secrets from anyone! My butt looked like a girls! My underpants showed through as well! NOPE !

I was caught off guard when Betty asked; "Ricky, what is wrong with them? I thought you would like them."

Red as heck I began telling her why, "Betty, firstly they are too tight." She then told me to bend and squat. I did and they stretched with no real discomfort.

Betty said, "Ricky, these are very functional slacks. They are supposed to fit snuggly without binding you. Did they bind or squash you when you moved?"

I had to admit they did not. So I then said to her; "Betty you can see right through these!"

"Now, Ricky, what can you see?"

I answered, "I am embarrassed about the obvious outline in front and you can see my underwear." Turning even redder as I said this, I continued, "They make my 'bottom' feel and look funny." I thought the word bottom was better to use than my ‘butt ´ or ‘ass ´.

Betty answered my latest objections, "Ricky, these slacks were made especially to go with the blouse you are now wearing. They are made to fit you closely and give your body the support it needs while performing the many different tasks your new job requires of you."

I still did not want them and said; "But Betty, you can see everything! These pants let everyone know I am obviously a boy!"

Mrs. Brown just shook her head and Betty chuckled. "You're embarrassed about that?" I turned beet red again and she continued, "I can see you are blushing so I know the answer. Ricky, I will give you something to wear that will fix that so you won't be embarrassed ok?" She added, "I really hope you will take these slacks as a gift from me to you Ricky. The blouse and slacks go together and you look very professional wearing them."

"Oh" GEEZE ! I looked at Betty and she had that pleading look. So I said; "Betty I thank you for your gifts I really do, but I just can't wear these pants if I will look like this while wearing them. But, if you have something I can wear that solves these problems I accept them and I thank you again."

She said, "The 'bell bottoms' are very popular and very in style." With that said, she ran off back into the shop. So into the pile they went. One shirt and one pair of pants for free! Mrs. Brown was smiling and I mean smiling! There was another pair of pants that I never got to try on. They were just added to the pile. (Hmm?)

Betty returned shortly saying, "I have added the item mentioned to your purchases Ricky. They are also a gift from me so don't worry about any added cost, ok?" I thanked her again. She said, "Now for you jackets!"

"Wait!" I interrupted. "I won't go out there looking like this wearing these pants."

Mrs. Brown gave me a look. "Ricky, what now? We have to have you try on the jackets and you are dressed."

I said, "So far, every time I have gone out into the shop I have been laughed at by all the other customers. I really don't think I can take being laughed at again."

Betty said, "Ok, Ricky I understand what you are saying." So, they gave in and let me change into the second pair I had tried on. They told me they had to get a belt for them and it would be the same belt I would use for most of my slacks.

So off we went to the male section, thank GOD! Looking around I saw that more than a few patrons were smiling, giggling, and staring and a few nods of approval. Will this never end? The lady who was so helpful in trying to find me an undershirt walked up to us and told me I looked very nice and professional. Oh, sure, just what I needed to hear from her!

The jacket selection went off without a hitch. Two jackets that looked like regular suit jackets, the only difference were no flaps over the side pockets. COOL!

Ok, now for the accessories! What? Oh yes, the belt, and a three colored ink pen, blue, green and red ink. Remember those? Also they added one black tie and one white tie. The old fashioned kind! Not a clip on.

Betty then told me to follow her to the main desk to fill out the form for my ID pin. Oh yes, I forgot about that. While I was filling out the form she startled me by brushing my hair! I jumped and she said I needed a few hair ties to hold my hair back. It was past my collar in length. I had many a problem at school because of this. They wanted me to see what I would look like at work. Ok. Still it felt funny having her brush my hair though. I kind of liked the way it felt.

She used a white hair tie and told me they came in a package of assorted colors. Mrs. Brown told me I could use a white, blue or black hair tie for work. Ok, now that my hair was tied back in a ponytail and I was outfitted with everything I needed but shoes. SHOES! I had forgotten about them.

I felt my ponytail and decided it stuck out and up to much. So I adjusted the tie so my ponytail hung straight down. The looks I got from the other patrons still made me very embarrassed and nervous. Ok, now for the shoes! Two pairs of nice shiny white patent leather dress shoes that looked great. Betty suggested to Mrs. Brown that I needed something lighter as well, like sneakers I could change into for certain conditions. Mrs. Brown agreed so out came several pairs of so-called sneakers.

Now, I know my sneakers and these were not meant for boys or men! KEDS! Nope, I said! They both looked at me with ‘that look ´ again and told me I had to choose at least one pair! So, I picked the plainest white pair they had. Ok.

WE WERE DONE !

MY NIGHTMARE WAS OVER!

So I thought at the time!!

OH GEEZE!

I had to go back and change into my original clothes. COOL!

THEN! I had to take the boxes and bags out to the car. Now I know the amount of stuff that I thought I had purchased via Mrs. Brown plus the gifts from Betty, but there were just too many packages! Mrs. Brown told me she had made some purchases as well. Ok, I felt better. (But, then again, whom had she made these purchases for, her or me?)

I went back into the store to thank Betty for all her help and the gifts she had given me. She smiled and said she had enjoyed helping such a nice young boy. (UHG! ) She then told me she liked the way I looked with my hair tied back. Oh GEEZE! I had forgotten to take the hair tie out and it was a white one! So, I thanked her again and left with Mrs. Brown. The second we started to drive away I took out the hair tie!

Mrs. Brown informed me that she had made an appointment for the both of us, but that we should eat first. I asked her what kind of an appointment and all she would say was that it was a surprise. Oh no! But, I was getting to eat! She then took out a small hairbrush from her purse and handed it to me.

To Be Continued...

Giggle, Giggle
"Angel O"Hare"

  

  

A Life Ever Changing #2

by Angel O’Hare

All the regular stuff was explained to me and I was offered a great wage, $1.25 an hour, I was in heaven! Now for the other stuff...

But first, she asked me one final question. I mean of all the stupid questions, why was she asking me if I liked girls? Of course I said I did and that I had a girlfriend. She seemed to relax then, why? I know now, but I didn't back then.

“OK Ricky let us get through all this other stuff and I will show you around our facility and meet some of your co-workers.”

Now for the other stuff...

I had to wear uniforms, all white, white socks and white shoes. My hair (long) was to be tied back or braided. BRAIDED, NO WAY! Clean-shaven was a must and no underwear that would show through my uniform was allowed. Was she serious? GEEZE! I think she liked seeing me turn red as a beet! She then asked me to follow her again so she could introduce me to everybody. Ok, what the heck. I did not know then that I was the first ever male to be hired by this facility.

The introductions were very strange indeed! I was receiving some very strange looks from everybody and the DON (as she told me she was) had a stupid grin on her face the whole time. A lot of female teens worked there and just about every one giggled as I was introduced as a new ‘floor’ employee. Floor employee; what the heck was that I wondered?

...After all the introductions were done (a long hour or more) the DON took me back to her office. Wow, what an office! It was very impressive to say the least. Large room with AC, wall to wall carpeting with one of those Indian throw rugs in the middle of the floor, a big shiny wooden desk and a chair that looked imposing as heck! Funny how ‘her’ chair was higher than the one I was to be sitting in. She pointed to ‘my’ chair so I sat. She sat in hers and I was looking up at her of course.

I was nervous again! I had thought the interview was over. Not so!

She smiled down at me and said; "Just a few small points I need to stress with you Ricky." (I HATE BEING CALLED RICKY!!!) I interrupted... Not a smart thing to do ... and informed her, my name was Rich or Richard. She then proceeded to inform me how impolite it was to interrupt someone while they were speaking. UUHHGG!

She then asked me if she could continue. I knew I had done something stupid right then. I just nodded and apologized. Smart move! She smiled and said; "R-I-C-K-Y, OUCH! You are a young boy and will need to learn many things and quickly. Can this get any worse? So you will report to me Monday morning in full uniform at 6:45 sharp in the nurse's dining room. She then handed me a bunch of papers and said; "All of what you will need is listed there as well as a good place to purchase them along with a coupon for a discount." I said; "COOL!" She frowned, oops. I then said; "Thank you very much." She smiled, I am learning!

Then! To my surprise she informed me it was time to complete my application and for her to gather other pertinent information. She asked the questions and wrote the replies. Good, because my spelling and penmanship sucked big time. BUT! Wait a second here! Some of these questions can't be on any application! I really think she enjoyed seeing me turn beet red! Especially when she kept using the ‘RICKY’ name! She then asked for my parent's names and phone numbers for their work and for home. I had to tell her I was living with my mother and that my parents were divorced.

Oh crap! This set off another bunch of questions I really did not want to have to answer, but being such a ‘young’ and inexperienced ‘boy’ I answered all of them. Red as a beet! I had to tell her my mother worked and I took care of my little sister and brother. My little brother is mentally handicapped and my little sister has a physical defect that keeps her in diapers most of the time. RED, RED, RED! She really smiled then! She asked me how and what I did to take care of them. So, reluctantly I told her. She pressed in certain areas for details. She just got happier and happier! I got a permanent blush from head to toe!

She smiled and dialed the phone. Who was she calling? My mother! Oh Crap again! With me sitting there, she introduced herself to my ‘mom.’ Then of all horror of horrors, she told my mom all the things she told me, PLUS! She asked about my brother and sister and confirmed what I had told her. Her smile got bigger! She then informed my mom about the uniform requirements. Her smile vanished for a second. (OH NO!) She looked over to me and asked if I would mind giving up 50% of my future earnings each week to pay back the facility for uniforms. OH GEEZE!!! What could I do? I said ‘K.’ She frowned and I quickly said "Yes Mrs. Brown" she smiled again. I'm learning!

Then I heard the worst thing any young man oops I mean ‘young boy’ can hear! She informed my mom that it would be no problem and that she would take me herself to get the uniforms. OH GEEZE!!!

She then told my mom that she would drop me off at home when we were through and was looking forward to meeting her.

The look on my face must have been one of those Kodak ® moments; FEAR! My mind was a whirlwind of activity. She is going to take me! She is going to do what mom usually does I am sure of it! She will be paying for my uniforms and shoes and, oh no, PLEASE GOD NOT THOSE TOO! I was a nervous wreck.

Well, Mrs. Brown started to chuckle and said for me to relax and calm down. Then she asked me to think again about what I was doing. HUH? She started to express things in a way I never thought of. She said “Ricky, you are starting a job almost exclusively performed by women. Your appearance and demeanor will be very important. You will be learning something new almost every minute you are here. It is very important that you do well from day one.”

And the list went on and on, but then she said the words that made me decide to really give this more than a shot. She smiled, looked me in the eyes and said "I believe it is the right time for males to show they are more than providers and rulers. It is time for them to open up their hearts and give from within themselves; to use their strength in a gentle way with caring and compassion. My interview with you has led me to believe you are that type of person. I believe you can do this and do it very well indeed. It will not be easy and you will probably want to just get up and walk out more than once. BUT! If you decide that this is something you can and would like to do, I will help you in any way I can. So, what is your decision?"

Holy Crap my decision? I took a little time here; many things went whooshing through my mind at light speed. She stood up and walked around her desk stopping right in front of me. "Well," she said, "what have you decided?"

I said, "Let’s go shopping!"

Her smile was a reward in itself to me. She nodded and said; "Let’s go." So, we were off to the uniform shop. I have never been to a specialty shop that I could remember. All I had ever heard of special stores was EXPENSIVE for everything! We stopped at her secretary's desk and she told her she would be gone for the rest of the day. Now, boy, did I get some looks! And smiles and chuckles and, and, and.

"Very nice car," I told her. Wow, a Caddy! Cloth seats, AC, a radio with a wonder bar! (For you folks that are too young, a wonder bar was the first search and scan gizmo invented for a car radio.) V8 engine! Automatic transmission! Very nice car! I was pleased to say the least to be able to ride in this vehicle.

We got in and she told me to fasten my seat belt. (Not done in those days for most people. Optional equipment back then actually.) We were off and then the nice conversations started. Oh, sure! She started on what I needed to purchase. Five shirts, five pairs of pants, two jackets, two pairs of shoes and you need to order your name pin. (PIN?) Then she asked me about underwear of all things! RED, RED, RED! Did I mention my face, neck, well, GEEZE! My whole body was a shade of red!

I think by the expression on her face she was struggling not to laugh. She looked at me briefly (Thank goodness, she was driving after all.) and asked me; "Ricky do you prefer plain white underpants or colors?" GEEZE!!! I didn't think they even had colors for males! She then told me briefs would be better they were more comfortable under slacks. (How would she know?) So I asked her. (GOTCH-YA!) Or so I thought.

She matter of fact told me, "Common sense really, briefs will not bunch up with all the moving, bending and running you are going to be doing." Ok, she got me again! Will I ever learn?

Ok, so on we went and the conversation moved to my siblings. I ended up telling her that I had no real social life. I had to go straight home from school to take care of my brother and sister. No after school activities, no real dates. Just hang out with my girl on weekend afternoons.

I had very few friends because I just did not have any time for them. Well, actually I had no friends really. That sucked, but family is much more important isn't it? Clothes? Ha! One suit for church, one nice outfit for special events like this one, one pair of dress shoes, three pairs of school pants and three button-down shirts also for school. I had two pairs of jeans, one pair of beat-to-heck sneakers and a few pullover short sleeve shirts. That was my clothing total. Mr. Fashion I was not. But, who cares really. This was the first time I was allowed to do anything outside of taking care of my siblings, the house and yard.

So we then talked about what I did at home. I did most of the talking and she just asked questions. So I gave her my day-to-day schedule. Up at 5:00 am shower and put on my robe. I dressed for school after everything else was done. Put water on for mom's tea and start making breakfast. Mom was showering and getting ready for work while I did this. Ok, mom and I had tea and breakfast while she went over what I had to do that day. Ok, dishes rinsed and in the sink. Bye mom.

Go and run a bath for my little sister. She hated showers she is only six. Go get her out of bed and carry her to the bath. That was much easier than trying to wake her up and make her walk. Help her out of her night things and soaked diapers and into the tub. She would wake enough to do the rest by then.

Ok, then to my brother. He was ten but more like three due to his handicap. Get him up and sit him on the toilet. We had a small bathroom with just a sink and toilet in my mom's room. Ok, holler to my sister to get out of the tub and dry off. Bring my brother to the living room with his toys.

Go back to my sister's room and help her get dressed. Training pants in case of an accident. Not often, but it did happen from time to time. Most of her dresses buttoned up the back so she usually needed my help. I then brushed her hair, fixed it in a ponytail or two, her choice.

Then it was time for breakfast. Ok, after they both had breakfast it was time to dress my brother. That done we waited for Mrs. Smith. She would take my sister to school and watch my brother while I was at school. I should mention she was also a licensed teacher for handicapped children. Ok, now I got dressed and walked to school.

What? Oh, here is the uniform shop! Great!

Now this was a large store for a specialty shop. I must have looked very nervous because Mrs. Brown told me to relax and that it could actually be fun. SURE, FUN! NOT!

We walked into the store and a well-dressed older woman, and I mean older! came over to us and greeted Mrs. Brown like an old friend. Mrs. Brown greeted her with “Hello Betty we could use your help with Ricky here.” DARN HER!

Well, Betty told me to call her Betty and she of course called me Ricky! GEEZE! She asked Mrs. Brown what we were looking for and of course Mrs. Brown said; "Everything!" Oh please God be merciful! I promise to go to church every Sunday from now on with no hassle!!! PLEASE???

Now there were several other women and girls in this shop at the time and yes, they were all staring at me! Betty asked me what sizes I wore and of course I had no idea. They both smiled at me like this is going to be more fun than we thought. Betty asked me to follow her and we went in the back of her shop. She then really surprised me by telling me, not asking. to remove everything but my t-shirt and panties. PANTIES? Now I right away exclaimed that I did not wear panties! Turning very red in the process I might add.

Betty apologized saying she did not get many men in her shop and it was an automatic request. Ok, but I then asked where the dressing room was. She laughed and said that this was it for me unless I would like to join the women and girls. Oops, no way! Ok, this will have to do.

Betty left and there I was taking my clothes off with a bunch of women and girls right outside the stupid thin curtain! That was the only thing separating the back room from the store. I could hear Mrs. Brown and Betty talking in low voices outside, but I just could not make out everything they were saying. Just parts like "a nice boy, innocent and naive, gentle and caring," Man, could they stop! GEEZE!

Ok, at least ten minutes must have gone by which seemed like ten hours! There I am standing in my underwear when they both come walking in the back. OH GEEZE! No place to hide! Talk about embarrassed! But, then again what did I expect anyway?

Betty had a cloth tape measure in her hands and she started measuring me everywhere and I mean everywhere! She called out my measurements, which Mrs. Brown being ever so helpful wrote down on a form. Now I have been measured for a suit before but these measurements were much more thorough! Betty said; "Now that the measuring is all done let us pick out a few items for you." Oh great, now they are going to do the picking out! Yupper, just like mom always did. They ask you if you like it and if you do that's great, but if you don't tough crap!

I started to put my pants back on and they both said at the same time "DON'T"! I was handed a robe (At least it was a blue one.) that I would never be caught wearing in a million zillion years! Blue satin, oh wonderful! NOT!!!

The curtain was pulled aside and of course just about everybody in there looked around and right at me! DARN IT!!!!!! I hate this!!!! Yupper, giggles and chuckles and laughter! Betty said to me; "Don't let it bother you. It is only that they are not used to seeing a boy in the shop." Sure, especially one, wearing a girl’s blue satin robe!

Well, at least there were others in the shop wearing robes. No boys, but there were others. They should have given me a bright red robe. At least then it would have matched my skin color!

Off we walked to a corner. Yes, a small corner that had a few items on shelves and three racks. One rack which held a few dozen shirts. Another rack held a few jackets and one rack with a few dozen pairs of pants. On the shelves were the underwear, socks, shoes and various other items I did not have a clue as to what they were for. Now why couldn't they have selected one of each for me and brought them to the back room? No fun in that I guess!

Betty asked me; "Ricky look around my shop and tell me what you observe and what you think about it, please?"

What? Ok, so I did and noticed that the women and girls had a lot more to choose from. The choices for the men and boys paled in comparison! I also noticed that the females had nice dressing rooms. The males did not even have one!

I also noticed every female in the shop was looking at me! Not out in out staring, (SOME WERE THOUGH!) but quick glances. When they saw that I had seen them, they would chuckle and smile while they looked away. So after I looked around I looked at Betty and said; "The shop is obviously mostly for women and girls. The men and boys section looks like it was an after thought. The females have very nice dressing rooms while the males have none. The biggest difference is in the choices of items. Where as, the women and girls have many choices of styles and colors; the men and boys have very few choices at all. Another point I would like to point out is that it is uncomfortable for a male to shop here. All the staring and laughing at me by the women and girls shopping here would tend to make me not return."

Mrs. Brown and Betty laughed and Betty spoke saying; "Ricky, you would be surprised at what men and boys can wear. (OH GEEZE!!! NIGHTMARE!!!) You are a very observant and smart boy! You are correct in many of your observations and I thank you for your honest opinion. The truth is that we get very few male customers here. You are correct that there are very few choices in the male section. I will fix that shortly though. You see Ricky there are many items in this shop a boy could wear. I just have not added them to this area yet."

Another lady nearby looked up and chuckled. She had to add her two-cent's worth then! (Will this nightmare ever stop?) She said, "So much of what you boys wear is never seen and you could actually wear a lot in this shop and no one would ever know."

Yupper, I think I will just die right now and never worry about life again! Chuckles, giggles and laughter resounded through out the shop! Yes, they were having lots of fun. At my expense!

Betty then cleared her throat rather loudly and the laughter stopped shortly after that. Betty continued by saying; "You are also correct about the dressing room situation. The next time you come I promise that a male dressing room will be in place." She smiled and gave me a hug saying, "You are such a thoughtful and sensitive boy. I love you already and we have just met." OH GEEZE!

"Well," said Betty; "Let us choose something for you shall we?"

THANK GOD!!!!! "Yes, please," was all I could say. I think I had a fever, my skin felt like it was 120 degrees!

Betty said my t-shirt was much too small for my size. I had to agree it was tight, but well, I thought it made me look good. (I was in great shape.) She held up a t-shirt Not a regular cheap T-shirt I will tell you that. and said, "You should try that on, but wait a minute."

Just then another women asked; "What is his size?" WHAT? WHY? Betty told her, but it was just a number not a size. I was a 36 regular. Not a single digit number! The lady started looking through a rack. Now that rack was not meant for man or boy! This could not be happening to me!!! (GOD? Please God! I promise I will be good for the rest of my life! What did I ever do to make God so angry with me?)

Well, I decided to just get this over with and as fast as I could manage it. I took the T-shirt and asked them; "What else do I need?" I had hoped I had asked this before they could start something else.

Betty then said; "You will need several pairs of panties."

PANTIES AGAIN! OH GEEZE! Will she ever stop? I heard several of the girls and women nearby chuckle so I said, "Betty I do not wear panties. I wear boy's underpants. There is a difference you know!"

Betty and Mrs. Brown chuckled and Betty apologized saying; "I am sorry again Ricky. Here, try these U-N-D-E-R-P-A-N-T-S they are the brief style and should fit much better under your uniform slacks than the boxer style." She handed them to me and off to the back room I went. Thank GOD!!! I was hoping they would just pick out a shirt, jacket, and a pair of pants and bring them back to me. RIGHT! SURE! NOT!!

I knew I had to be real quick about changing into the new underwear because I had a feeling they would just barge right in a few seconds after I got in the back room. I set a speed record for changing my underpants I can tell you that! I had just taken off my t-shirt and they walked in. I beat them to the punch this time!

Betty handed me something soft and silky to try on instead of the t-shirt. I took one look at it and said no! It was plain white and had a round collar and no sleeves. They both told me it would be much more comfortable to wear and it WAS plain. I said NO! They did look disappointed, but I had held my ground.

So I put on the ‘boys’ t-shirt. After doing what I refer to as the ‘MOM’ checks they were satisfied with the fit. Then to my utter surprise Betty told me; "Ricky wait here and we will get you a few uniforms to try on ok?" Wow, cool! NOT!!!!!!!!!!....

I put on the robe and waited. I peeked out into the shop and they were talking to the lady who must have picked out the other undershirt. A shake of a few heads and a shrug of a few shoulders and that was that. So I thought!

I swore I would never complain about clothes shopping with Mom ever again!!! I could always count on her to be fast. Pick a few things out. Ask me if I liked them. Even though it did not matter one hoot if I did. Try them on. Have her do the "MOM" check and that was that.

Most of you readers know what the mom check is right? No? Ok for those who do not know here is a short description of what boys go through when their moms are checking the fit of their new clothes. You have just changed into your new school clothes and come out of the dressing room. (Moms are not allowed in the men's dressing room so you have to step out in front of who ever are also outside.) Mom then pulls on the waist and then pulls on the damn crotch to make sure we are not too tight in that area. You jump as she does this. It is an automatic response. If anybody is standing around they laugh at you. They always do! That is why boys hate to shop for pants with their mothers!

NOT HERE and not with these people!! Oh no! This was a fun outing for them! I took another peek out into the shop and they were not in ‘the male section.’ I could not even see them! Where in heck did they go? All of a sudden someone spoke to me from behind me. I must have jumped ten feet in the air! Yes, another side entrance from the main floor through the dressing rooms! GEEZE!

Mrs. Brown and Betty had several shirts and pants they wanted me to try on. But first they had several different styles of socks. What? Ok, so I sat as Betty handed me the first pair. She told me, "Ricky these are white dress hose and lighter than regular work style or athletic hose."

Hose? What the heck! "Socks," Mrs. Brown added.

Oh, ok! Light was right. These were hardly anything at all! Like lighter then ban Lon! I did not like them. Ok, the next pair was heavier but they went up way to high. I did not like them either. GEEZE, they went up past my knees! Ok, the next pair was cool and I liked them. Over the calf and they were thicker.

Betty told me to take the tops and fold them over till they were just over my ankles. What? Ok,

NO WAY! They had designs on the inside! Nope, off they came! Chuckles and smiles are all I heard and saw. I had had enough. I was getting angry and frustrated. I guess they saw this and Betty handed me an honest to God real pair of ‘boy’s’ white athletic socks! YES!!!!!!!!! Ok, I am happier now. I reminded them that the money for all the items was coming out of my future earnings. (OOP's did I just make another stupid mistake?)

Ok, so there I am now standing in my new t-shirt, underpants and socks. Betty then said; "Ricky I have several blouses for you to try on."

"WAIT! I do not wear blouses!"

Mrs. Brown looked at me sternly with a tight frown on her face and said, "RICKY, these are shirts and you better relax. Betty is used to outfitting women and girls, so she uses the female names for the clothes. So please don't make her or me angry by any further childish outbursts." She went on, "Betty has been patient and kind towards you and her help is greatly needed and you should be thankful instead of so argumentative!"

I apologized to Betty and to Mrs. Brown, thanking Betty for all her help and adding that this was new to me and I was very uncomfortable and embarrassed. I went on to say that I had never worn girls or women's clothing and I really was not interested in the least to start now. They both just shook their heads and gave me one of those ‘What are we going to do with you looks.’ I truly believe that you really know when you have reached adulthood when you can give someone young ‘THAT LOOK.’

Ok, on with the ‘blouses’ AKA (also known as) shirts. The first one was real cool! I liked it. It was very form fitting and was made out of what they called gabardine. It looked good, felt great, only it was not quite right.

For one thing, there were seams coming from each side even with my chest, like thick lines. Another thing that was different was the darn buttons were on the wrong side! I had a heck of a time buttoning it up at first! Yes, here is where being innocent and naive did not serve me well at all.

I asked them. "Why are the buttons on the wrong side and why does this shirt have seams coming out from the sides to my chest?" They told me the seams were there for extra support and strength. Ok. The buttons were not that important were they? I said I guess not I will just have to get used to them being on the wrong side. Ok, one ‘blouse’ I actually thought was a ‘shirt’ added to my pile.

Next was a shirt I did not like at all. It was very light and had short sleeves, but the sleeves had a button on them and this I knew was a girl's shirt! NOPE! Ok, on to the next one. Nice plain white dress shirt, the chest pockets were a little on the small side, but it was a nice shirt. That darn button thing again! Ok, add that one to the pile. I also wished it did not have those support seams.

Ok, on with the next one. WOW, a real shirt! Buttons on the correct side, no support seams, nice normal sized chest pockets! I got two of those; Five shirts. Cool, that part was over!

Nope! One more shirt! They both informed me that this one was a gift from Betty. OH GEEZE!!!!!! Ok, it wasn't that bad and it was a gift so I did not have to pay for it. It was a short-sleeved pull over shirt. The sleeves had cuffs that fit comfortably but tightly just below my shoulder muscles. Instead of a pocket it had "Nurse Aide" on it sewn in thread and written in script. The color of the writing was a light blue. It had a regular collar just a little smaller than I was used to. I said; "Thank you Betty." What else could I say? They told me to keep that shirt on.

Now for the slacks ‘AKA’ pants! The first pair was not to my liking at all. No back pockets and they fit too tight for me to even put anything into the two front pockets. Add to that they buttoned on the wrong side and the zipper flap was opposite of my other pants as well. NOPE!

Ok, next pair was much better. Still no back pockets, but they were roomy in the seat and comfortable to move in. The darn zipper and button were wrong again. They did have deep front pockets, which I liked. The belt loops were smaller than my regular pants as well. I told them I didn't have a belt for these pants. Betty told me not to worry. Why did that make me worry even more?

Ok, next pair were the best! Nice back pockets, nice front pockets, zipper and button were where I thought they should be. They fit great! I got two pairs of them! The next pair was different. They were made from a stretchy fabric that hugged my butt and legs down to just above my knees. They felt good but I was uncomfortable about my male parts being hugged liked that and being on display so to speak. Also, they felt like they lifted and separated my butt as well.

When I looked in the full-length mirror I died on the spot!

NO DARN WAY! From my waist to my knees there would be no secrets from anyone! My butt looked like a girls! My underpants showed through as well! NOPE!!!!

I was caught off guard when Betty asked; "Ricky, what is wrong with them? I thought you would like them."

Red as heck I began telling her why, "Betty, firstly they are too tight." She then told me to bend and squat. I did and they stretched with no real discomfort.

Betty said, "Ricky, these are very functional slacks. They are supposed to fit snuggly without binding you. Did they bind or squash you when you moved?"

I had to admit they did not. So I then said to her; "Betty you can see right through these!"

"Now, Ricky, what can you see?"

I answered, "I am embarrassed about the obvious outline in front and you can see my underwear." Turning even redder as I said this, I continued, "They make my 'bottom' feel and look funny." I thought the word bottom was better to use than my ‘butt’ or ‘ass’.

Betty answered my latest objections, "Ricky, these slacks were made especially to go with the blouse you are now wearing. They are made to fit you closely and give your body the support it needs while performing the many different tasks your new job requires of you."

I still did not want them and said; "But Betty, you can see everything! These pants let everyone know I am obviously a boy!"

Mrs. Brown just shook her head and Betty chuckled. "You're embarrassed about that?" I turned beet red again and she continued, "I can see you are blushing so I know the answer. Ricky, I will give you something to wear that will fix that so you won't be embarrassed ok?" She added, "I really hope you will take these slacks as a gift from me to you Ricky. The blouse and slacks go together and you look very professional wearing them."

OH GEEZE!!! I looked at Betty and she had that pleading look. So I said; "Betty I thank you for your gifts I really do, but I just can't wear these pants if I will look like this while wearing them. But, if you have something I can wear that solves these problems I accept them and I thank you again."

She said, "The 'bell bottoms' are very popular and very in style." With that said, she ran off back into the shop. So into the pile they went. One shirt and one pair of pants for free! Mrs. Brown was smiling and I mean smiling! There was another pair of pants that I never got to try on. They were just added to the pile. (Hmm?)

Betty returned shortly saying, "I have added the item mentioned to your purchases Ricky. They are also a gift from me so don't worry about any added cost, ok?" I thanked her again. She said, "Now for you jackets!"

"Wait!" I interrupted. "I won't go out there looking like this wearing these pants."

Mrs. Brown gave me a look. "Ricky, what now? We have to have you try on the jackets and you are dressed."

I said, "So far, every time I have gone out into the shop I have been laughed at by all the other customers. I really don't think I can take being laughed at again."

Betty said, "Ok, Ricky I understand what you are saying." So, they gave in and let me change into the second pair I had tried on. They told me they had to get a belt for them and it would be the same belt I would use for most of my slacks.

So off we went to the male section, thank GOD! Looking around I saw that more than a few patrons were smiling, giggling, and staring and a few nods of approval. Will this never end? The lady who was so helpful in trying to find me an undershirt walked up to us and told me I looked very nice and professional. Oh, sure, just what I needed to hear from her!

The jacket selection went off without a hitch. Two jackets that looked like regular suit jackets, the only difference were no flaps over the side pockets. COOL!

Ok, now for the accessories! What? Oh yes, the belt, and a three colored ink pen, blue, green and red ink. Remember those? Also they added one black tie and one white tie. The old fashioned kind! Not a clip on.

Betty then told me to follow her to the main desk to fill out the form for my ID pin. Oh yes, I forgot about that. While I was filling out the form she startled me by brushing my hair! I jumped and she said I needed a few hair ties to hold my hair back. It was past my collar in length. I had many a problem at school because of this. They wanted me to see what I would look like at work. Ok. Still it felt funny having her brush my hair though. I kind of liked the way it felt.

She used a white hair tie and told me they came in a package of assorted colors. Mrs. Brown told me I could use a white, blue or black hair tie for work. Ok, now that my hair was tied back in a ponytail and I was outfitted with everything I needed but shoes. SHOES! I had forgotten about them.

I felt my ponytail and decided it stuck out and up to much. So I adjusted the tie so my ponytail hung straight down. The looks I got from the other patrons still made me very embarrassed and nervous. Ok, now for the shoes! Two pairs of nice shiny white patent leather dress shoes that looked great. Betty suggested to Mrs. Brown that I needed something lighter as well, like sneakers I could change into for certain conditions. Mrs. Brown agreed so out came several pairs of so-called sneakers.

Now, I know my sneakers and these were not meant for boys or men! KEDS! Nope, I said! They both looked at me with ‘that look’ again and told me I had to choose at least one pair! So, I picked the plainest white pair they had. Ok. WE WERE DONE!!!!!

MY NIGHTMARE WAS OVER!!!!!

So I thought at the time!!

OH GEEZE!!!!!!

I had to go back and change into my original clothes. COOL!!!!!!!!

THEN! I had to take the boxes and bags out to the car. Now I know the amount of stuff that I thought I had purchased via Mrs. Brown plus the gifts from Betty, but there were just too many packages! Mrs. Brown told me she had made some purchases as well. Ok, I felt better. (But, then again, whom had she made these purchases for, her or me?)

I went back into the store to thank Betty for all her help and the gifts she had given me. She smiled and said she had enjoyed helping such a nice young boy. (UHG!!) She then told me she liked the way I looked with my hair tied back. OH GEEZE! I had forgotten to take the hair tie out and it was a white one! So, I thanked her again and left with Mrs. Brown. The second we started to drive away I took out the hair tie!

Mrs. Brown informed me that she had made an appointment for the both of us, but that we should eat first. I asked her what kind of an appointment and all she would say was that it was a surprise. Oh no! But, I was getting to eat! She then took out a small hairbrush from her purse and handed it to me.

To Be Continued...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Eight days a week is not enough to show I care... -- The Beatles

...Mrs. Brown informed me that she had made an appointment for the both of us, but that we should eat first. I asked her what kind of an appointment and all she would say was that it was a surprise. (Oh no! But, I was getting to eat!) She then took out a small hair brush from her purse and handed it to me...

She told me to pull down the window visor. I did and saw a mirror! Cool! I brushed my hair back to its normal state and handed her the brush back. She told me to put it back in her purse so I did. She just looked at me for a moment and I realized, oops, ah, thank you Mrs. Brown for the use of your brush. She smiled and said your welcome Ricky. (Oh, GEEZE!)

Mrs. Brown informed me that we were going to one of her favorite places to dine. I was to mind my manners and if I had a question about anything to ask her in a low soft voice, and to never use a loud tone of voice. I should consider using quieter and softer tones of voice for all my interactions with others. It is the proper way to talk with people. She went on to inform me that my voice was too loud at Betty's store and to use only enough volume to be heard comfortably. That was why every time I spoke, others in the store looked at me. (I bet! That was not the only reason I am sure!)

We pulled up to this nice looking place and Mrs. Brown stopped the car, but left the engine running. A uniformed man came and opened her door; she stepped out and gave him something. (I don't know, but I think it was money.)

I got out then and waited for her. We walked up to the entrance and she waited while another man opened the door for us. We went inside and WOW! What a place, fancy! Another man dressed very nicely was standing behind a small podium type desk. He greeted Mrs. Brown by name and told her that her table for two was ready. (When had she made this reservation? Something did not seem right to me and I started to try and go over the events of the day.)

I followed Mrs. Brown and tried to think. (Not a smart thing to do.) I almost ran into a table I was thinking so hard and the looks I received from them both almost stopped my heart! I apologized and we were then seated. Now I got a shock! The man took the cloth napkin from my place setting and put it on my lap! I jumped and Mrs. Brown chuckled! The man just looked at me with a smile and said. "Your first time dining with us young sir?"

Red again! "Um, yes, sir it is," I answered. He chuckled and waved to a young uniformed lady and told Mrs. Brown that he hoped she would enjoy her meal. He then left patting me on my shoulder as he went by.

(Oh, GEEZE!) Ok, where was the menu? I know I should have a menu somewhere nearby. NOPE! One menu and Mrs. Brown had it. The young lady walked up and asked Mrs. Brown if we would like to start with liquid refreshment. Mrs. Brown said "Thank you, Gloria. I believe Ricky and I will start with an iced tea." (I don't like iced tea!) I knew better than to mention this so I just smiled. (I am learning!)

Gloria left to get our teas and Mrs. Brown informed me that she would be ordering our food. She said that I would not understand the menu. Gloria came back with our tea and paused. Mrs. Brown told her we would have something light and that we both would have the chef's salad. (RABBIT FOOD!!!!) Ok, I smiled, and Mrs. Brown nodded to Gloria and off she went.

"One thing that you will learn a lot about, Ricky, is diet and nutrition," Mrs. Brown said. "It is very important especially for a young and growing boy like you. You look healthy enough, but I bet your eating habits need a lot of work." She told me to look at the silverware and then asked me which fork would I use for my salad. What? She chuckled and told me to watch what she did closely. Ok.

I looked at her and while I did, I made the stupid mistake of putting my elbow on the table and started to rest my head on my hand. OOPS! The look I received was enough! She told me to always keep one hand on my lap unless I was going to use a knife to cut with. Ok.

Next, Mrs. Brown asked me when was the last time I had gotten my hair at least trimmed. She put the emphasis on the "at least" part. I told her that it had been awhile and she just smiled and nodded. (Ok, I now knew what the surprise was!)

Thank goodness Gloria was back with our salads! Ok, where was the salad dressing? I wanted to drown this rabbit food with Italian! Nope, The dressing was already applied. Something clear and oily had been added. Ok. What is in this salad? Ok, I will just watch her and do what she does... That is exactly what I did and I got through the salad with only 2 comments. "Smaller bites, Ricky," and, "Chew your salad more before you swallow." Ok.

Thank the Lord that was over! NOPE! After dining we had hot tea. BLACK! YUCK! Conversation turned to my personal life. Oh, no! GEEZE!

We talked (She asked questions and I talked really.) In a "soft voice" I must add. The topic, my HYGIENE! My APPEARANCE! How I took care of my self.

First she asked me how often I bathed! I told her every morning, but not always on Saturdays. She shook her head in the negative with that answer. "How about your hair?" she asked.

"What about my hair?" I answered.

"How often do you shampoo and condition your hair?"

"I shampoo it every time I shower. Condition? What's that?"

Mrs. Brown gave another negative shake of the head. She asked to see my hands then. (What? Why?) Ok, I showed her my hands and she examined each of them closely. Mrs. Brown gave another negative shake of the head. (I was getting nervous again!) She asked me if I ever took a soaking bath?

A bath? "Like lay in a tub of hot water forever?" I answered.

She laughed at that and I started to feel better again. She asked me about hobbies and I had to tell her I read a lot. I read to my brother and sister especially to my brother because he could not read yet. I told her I exercised and used different things as weights. She gave me one of those questioning looks so I added that I used a 5-pound bag of sugar wrapped in a scarf as hand and leg weights. I also used water filled gallon milk jugs. I had a backpack my father had left me which I stuffed with stones and then did push ups and other exercise's with. I also took my brother and sister on walks and I wore the pack then as well. She looked impressed! COOL!

She then asked me how I helped my mother out at home. Well, the list was long and my mother had taught me many things so I could help my brother, sister and her. I added that I could take care of myself as well. She pressed me for particulars so I had to get specific. She then motioned to Gloria for more tea for us both, (YUCK!) then she looked at her watch. She smiled and said we had time, so on it went.

I cooked and not just easy stuff either. I knew how to cook well. I prepared and cooked full meals and even cooked the holiday meals. I hardly ever used instant anything, knew my spices and helped with the food shopping and menu planning. I kept the house clean, vacuumed, dusted, washed the floors and windows as well as all the mirrors. I did the laundry, which included knowing how to sort the clothes by color and the temperatures used for each. What needed to be hand washed, dry-cleaned and when and what to use bleach with. I also know when and with what to add the fabric softener. I added that my mother often worked 12-hour days so it was up to me to make sure she could come home and relax with the family. I always had dinner waiting for her when she got home, even when it was late at night. She deserved no less!

Mrs. Brown looked surprised and impressed with me. (WHAT? Impressed with me?) Did I score some good points here? COOL!

She looked at her watch again then at me and asked, "You take care of your brother and sister, how do you do that?"

Oh boy! Ok, in a soft voice, almost a whisper I began the day-to-day care of my siblings. I explained my brother's mental handicap and how he was more like a 3 year old than his true age. So, I took care of him as such. Playtime was what a 3 year old would enjoy. Lots of playtime as often as I could manage it. I shared my room with my little brother so I was able to help him a lot.

Then there was Mrs. Smith who gave me things to help with his education and development. She helped me a lot as well by taking care of and teaching my brother during the week while I was at school.

Mrs. Brown smiled and then asked about caring for my little sister. (Oh GEEZE!) Ok, My sister was like any other little girl who liked to play with dolls and make believe she was a mommy by trying to help with dishes and cleaning and baby care. I laughed "softly" and added she made my cleaning chores harder most of the time.

Mrs. Brown asked me about her handicap and I was lost for a second and then realized she was talking about her medical problem. I must have turned red again because Mrs. Brown reminded me she was a nurse while chuckling.

I nodded and told her that my sister was born with something wrong with her bladder and that she had had an operation. The only real problem was when she went to bed for the night and the results from that in the morning. Other than that she mostly was fine during the day unless her teacher or someone else prevented her from reaching a bathroom in time. That was why she still wore training pants to school.

Once she was home she could wear regular underwear. I chuckled at that and told Mrs. Brown that it was her favorite time of the day to come home and change into her "REAL PANTIES" as she always exclaimed to me as she ran into her room every afternoon. When she had had an accident at school, which was rare she would come home very quietly and tell me she needed to take a bubble bath. I always treated her to a fun bubble bath after the rare accident. She loved all the bubbles and smelling like flowers. She was always happy after one. If I just had her wash up, she was gloomy the rest of the afternoon.

I also made preparing for bed a fun time as well. I made a big thing about both of them choosing a story for me to read and what they wanted to wear to bed.

Mrs. Brown then asked me about the diapering. (OH GEEZE) Ok, well I remember when I was 4 and in the hospital. My mother told me I had a serious problem with my glands back then and was in the hospital often. I was potty trained already, but the nurses kept me in diapers and in bed at all times. I had IVs in at least one arm most of the time. I remembered how some of the nurses were kind and friendly while other liked to make fun of me and talk to me like I was a baby. I hated that!

So I was extra careful with my little sister. I had her help me as much as possible. I explained what the baby oil and diaper rash cream were for and why we had to use it. I explained to her why we had to use several diapers and how to fold the inner ones and how to pin the outer ones correctly.

I told Mrs. Brown how I had made cloth diapers for my sister's dolls and she picked one each night to diaper and bring to bed with her. She liked that a lot! So now, she prepared everything for me to use before I came to her room. She would have the diapers prepared and the pins and plastic pants right there in easy reach. She handed me the oil and cream when I needed them. Then as I went to wash my hands she would get the book she wanted me to read from that night. We made it a fun time not a chore or something to be embarrassed about. It was cool. Mrs. Brown looked impressed with me again! COOL!

Mrs. Brown then surprised me by saying, "Ricky, you are much more mature for your age than most young boys are. Your decision to enter the health care field is perfect for someone like you." (What does that mean?) "You have a rare quality in a boy. You put others first and really care about them. You show compassion and have tolerance, but most of all you care from your heart and gave of yourself."

WOW! I never, ever had been talked about like that before. Was she really talking about me? ME? The kid who had no friends but a neighbor's daughter who liked me? The kid who lived mostly secluded at home whose big adventure was to take his siblings for walks? Homework was a cool thing to have to do! Reading books, listening to the radio and playing his recorder was entertainment. RARE? Ok, if she said so. I had nothing really to judge by. The other kids at school all thought I was a momma's boy for doing what had to be done. So who were they to judge anything by? She had made me feel good about myself! Maybe I wasn't such a dumb, weird geek after all.

Mrs. Brown looked at her watch again and asked me to come over and help her from her seat. What? Ok, so I got up and went over to her and she whispered that I was to pull her chair back as she got up. Ok. I can do that. She left a small pile of money on a little tray that Gloria must have put there that I did not notice. Mrs. Brown then asked me if I was ready for my surprise? OH GEEZE!!!!

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So now it really starts! In a big way my life begins to change!

Angel

"I wanna hold your hand, I wanna hold your hand..." -- The Beatles

...Mrs. Brown then asked me if I was ready for my surprise? OH GEEZE!!!!...

The "napkin" man signaled someone and greeted Mrs. Brown and asked her how our meal was. She told him it was light and tasty. I just smiled! He told her that her car was ready and we left.

She then told me that normally we both would have gone to the facilities and freshened up after our meal. (Meal? She called that a meal?) I looked a little bewildered I think because she went on with, after a person takes refreshment they go to wash up and check to see that they look presentable.

"Like, wash their hands and comb their hair?" I said.

She chuckled and added, "Making sure they look as good as when they arrived."

"Ok," I said. I then thanked her for the "meal".

She smiled again as we got into her car.

I then mentioned, "I bet we're going to a barbershop."

She looked surprised and said no. (What? I thought for sure she had wanted me to at least get my hair trimmed.) She then said, "We are going to my salon. I do not frequent barbershops." (She said this while she laughed.)

OH GEEZE!!! A SALON! I asked her if this was the same as a beauty shop and she laughed again and said no, it was more complete in the services offered. She then added, "Gentlemen often go there as well."

I asked, "Why would a man go to a salon?"

She chuckled and only said, "YOU'LL SEE FOR YOURSELF, SHORTLY."

Oh No!!! (GEEZE!)

We pulled up to a nice building and parked. She motioned for me to follow her and so we started up the steps and went through a thick wooden door. A brass plaque on the door said "The House of Elegance". I started getting very nervous again! We walked down a very nice carpeted hallway with several doors on either side. Each had something written on smaller plaques on each door. All the doors were closed.

We then arrived at "the door" and Mrs. Brown motioned for me to open it for her. I did and quickly. She smiled and we went in.

Immediately, a very stylish woman came rushing over to Mrs. Brown and greeted her warmly and with a light hug. Then she looked at me and said, "This must be Ricky." (OH GEEZE!) "Well, let me get a look at you." She proceeded to give me the once over and said to Mrs. Brown; "We do have our work cut out for us with this one don't we!"

Mrs. Brown laughed and said that I had never been to a salon. Mrs. Brown introduced the lady to me as Lucy.

I said hello and Lucy asked me what I had tortured myself with? (What?) She laughed and said, "You're just a typical boy with no clue as how to take care of your personal grooming." She asked us both to follow her. She called Mrs. Brown Grace, and asked her if she wanted to attend. (WHAT?) Grace said of course and that she would not miss this for the world! Oh boy, I think I was in for the long haul here! What are they going to do with me? Sounded like more than a hair trim to me!

We walked back out into the hall and Lucy opened a door before I could read the little plaque! Well, once inside a young lady (real cute as well) smiled and said, "I am all ready for you Ricky." OH FRAPST! This was definitely all planned ahead of time and eventually I will figure it all out! The young lady introduced herself to me as Janet. She took me by the hand and led me to a small back room and told me to take off everything from the waist up. She then added to take off my shoes and socks and pants. When I was done with that to put on the smock hanging on the back of the door.

"Wait!" I said. "Why do I have to do all this for a hair trim?"

She laughed and I mean really laughed, Mrs. Brown (Grace) and Lucy came in then and asked what was so funny? They took one look at my face and started laughing as well. Janet stopped laughing long enough to tell Lucy that I thought I was here for a hair trim. Now all three were laughing again and I was getting a little upset! As well as being embarrassed, I started getting mad!

Lucy said, "Oh Ricky, calm down, you are going to enjoy yourself, trust me!" As she was telling me this she gave me a hug. Trust her? I don't even know her! Well, she said that I was going to be spoiled and to just enjoy all the pampering I was going to get. "RELAX," she said and Janet again asked me to get ready.

Mrs. Brown looked at me and said, "Ricky just do as they ask and you will enjoy it honest!"

Ok. What the heck, At least this wasn't coming out of my wages. (Was it?)

I did as Janet asked and looked for the smock. Ok, light blue and it was long enough to cover everything with a little left over. I put it on and looked for a tie or snap. There wasn't any!

Janet asked me if I was ready yet and I told her that the tie was missing. She laughed again and told me it clipped on and she had the clips. Oh GEEZE!

I came out and she made an adjustment to the smock and clipped it into place. It was very loose the way she did it. But, I was covered and that was good! Janet gave me a pair of blue slippers, which were open at the back and the toes. She told me to come with her as she took hold of my hand again. GREAT! Out into the hallway wearing just this smock with Janet holding my hand like I was a little kid in danger of getting lost or running away. This with Lucy and Grace following close behind us both.

We came upon another door, which only said "Prep" on it. Into this room we all went and Lucy said that she would help Janet. Janet led me to a chair and had me sit down. I sat in the chair and stood back up very quickly. The clip was slipping! They all chuckled and Mrs. Brown showed me how to sit wearing just a smock. OH GEEZE!

I had to put both my hands behind my butt and sweep the smock as I sat. Ok, this worked, but it was weird! Janet was so helpful by re-doing the errant clip! Gee thanks!

Ok, there was this deep sink with a big half moon chunk cut out of it on the side. Janet tipped the chair back and my neck fit into the half moon! Oh, ok. She then proceeded to wet my hair and added something to it. Shampoo, I think. Ah, this felt good! She massaged my scalp and kept washing and rinsing my hair. I could get used to this! She then added something else and kept massaging my scalp and working it through my hair. This went on for some time and I was in heaven! She rinsed my hair again massaging all the while. Then she sat me up and wrapped my head in something that looked like a turban. Janet then asked me how that felt.

I told her I liked it.

They all smiled and chuckled and Lucy said; "I told you! Now trust us and just enjoy it."

"Ok." I smiled and said, "I will if everything feels like that!"

Janet turned the chair again and leaned me back again but not as far back. A table on rollers was brought next to me. She took off the turban and brushed out my hair straight back and down. She then put a weird sort of cap on my head, which covered just my hair and tied in the back. My forehead was exposed at the hairline. Then she started rubbing my face and neck with this sponge thing. She told me to keep my eyes closed. She kept rubbing in small circles with this wet sponge thing. She rubbed everywhere. My ears, behind them and my neck down to my shoulders and back again. My face was done several times. Then she must have taken something else to use because it felt different. Ah, this felt good! While Janet did that, Lucy took each hand and put them in what felt like bowls of warm water. Ah, this wasn't bad after all!

Janet told me I could open my eyes now and set the chair back up. My hands were still in the bowls. My face neck and even my ears felt clean and refreshed! Janet put something in her hands and moved her hands around. I guess to warm up what ever it was in her hands. She started massaging my face neck and ears with this cream. Ah, life was good!

Lucy took one hand out of a bowl and started on my fingernails. When Janet finished with the cream she washed her hands and took my other hand and started on the nails as well. Mrs. Brown just looked at me and smiled. I smiled back!

Well, the two ladies said almost on cue, "What a mess these nails are!" Lucy told me what she was doing and that I would have to start doing it myself and often! Ok, she told me after a bath or after a hand soak I was to clean under my nails with an "orange stick". Ok, It was a funny shaped stick with a flat end beveled on one side. The other end was like a sharpened pencil tip. She showed me how to clean my nails. THE CORRECT WAY!

Then she said she was going to clip them even and file the ends smooth. Ok, she showed me how to file them slightly rounded only filing one way, not back and forth! After that, she took this other thing that was soft and started rubbing it all over the surface of my nails. She said this was to smooth the roughness out. That done, she dipped my hand back into the bowl of warm water.

Then she did something that hurt a little bit. Not much but enough to know she was doing something. She told me she was trimming my cuticles. (My what?) She told me not to worry about it and that I would not be doing that. I would just be cleaning and then filing my nails. They would do the rest when I came back the next time. WHAT? Next time!

Lucy and Janet were done and they each had a bottle of something with a tiny brush attached to the cap. Oh no! "I don't want any nail polish!" I yelped.

I started to pull my hands away when Lucy told me it was a sealer and it was clear. She said I really needed it. They painted all my fingernails with this stuff and told me to wiggle my hands to help dry it quicker. Man did I feel weird doing that! My mom did this all the time! After a couple of minutes Lucy and Janet took my hands and painted the finger nails again! Lucy said this was a clear coat and it protected my nails and kept the sealer from wearing off to quickly. Oh GEEZE! I had to do the hand wiggle again!

So now my hair was washed, brushed and, I was informed, conditioned as well. My face neck and ears were deep cleansed and nourished. All my fingernails were cleaned, filed, smoothed and my cuticles were trimmed. Add the sealer and polish! Oh GEEZE! They were clear. But they were shiny!

Janet then gave me a hug and told me to go and enjoy the rest. The rest! Oh boy, what else could there be but a hair-trim now? Janet thanked Lucy for her help and said goodbye to Grace.

The three of us walked out and into the hallway again. To another door we went and Lucy opened it before I could read the plaque. This was a much bigger room and several ladies were sitting in chairs. They looked over at us and smiled when they saw me. Funny, I had not seen any gentlemen yet! These ladies in the chairs had their heads being filled with curlers by other women. I looked over at Mrs. Brown with what must have been a very worried look on my face. She chuckled and told me not to worry. That did not help!

Lucy led me to a chair of my own. I remembered to sweep the smock as I sat down. I did not want to flash these ladies! Lucy and Grace smiled as I did this! Oh GEEZE!

Ok, well two other ladies wearing work smocks came over and Lucy told them to give me the works. Mrs. Brown looked at her funny and Lucy said this part was on her. (What?) Mrs. Brown smiled real big then and Lucy said, "Grace, just have a seat over there and watch. This boy is going to be transformed!"

The two ladies looked at me and said "Ricky, just relax and let us do all the work."

I was very nervous! One lady took off my slippers and put both my feet into a large bowl of warm soapy water. The other lady wheeled a cart over and leaned the chair back. She took off the funny cap I had on my head. (Oh, the cap! No wonder the ladies were smiling at me!) She told me my hair was very full and baby fine and she wished she had my hair. It would be a pleasure to work with it. (Work with it?) The lady who had put my feet into the warm water came back and looked closely at my face. She smiled and told me I had wonderful eyelashes, but they needed a little combing.

I asked, "What?" She told me not to worry and she left. (I hate it when they keep telling me not to worry!) The lady combing my hair and parting it in different places asked Lucy what she wanted. (What she wanted? How about what I wanted?)

Lucy walked behind me and I felt her pull my hair up and into a ponytail. She said this is for work. Then she said I needed some body for when my hair was not in a ponytail. It should just fall and with a few brush strokes keep its shape. The lady then asked Lucy about length. Lucy told her to keep it long and to trim a minimal amount to get rid of the splits. (Whatever the "splits" were.)

Lucy asked Grace in one word "TEA?"

Mrs. Brown answered, "YES."

Lucy turned back and said, "Remember, BODY, lots of body!" With that said Lucy and Grace left.

"Ok Ricky my name is Gloria and this is Fran." Fran, the one who put my feet in the water, had come back. Gloria pressed on something with her foot and the chair moved a little. Fran then removed my feet from the bowl and wrapped them in a warm towel. It felt real good!

Gloria pushed on my chair and it started to move! She moved me to the other side of the room to a sink like the first one I had my head stuck into. I noticed the other ladies that had their heads covered in curlers were moved as well. They were put into another room, the door was closed but their heads were now covered with a hood and I heard a humming sound. Gloria tilted the chair back and my head was in a sink again! Fran had unwrapped my feet and she was sitting on a stool. Gloria started wetting my hair. Fran started massaging my feet.

I was in heaven again!

Gloria set me up not straight but at less of an angle. She started combing my hair with her fingers. Fran started cleaning my toenails! Gloria then took a comb with a long end on it and started to section my hair and pin it up with bobby pins! Oh GEEZE! Then she would take out a bobby pin and started cutting my hair! Ok, I knew this was coming. I just hoped she wouldn't cut it to short! I felt Fran cutting my toenails.

Gloria kept cutting and Fran kept at my toenails. Then Gloria stopped cutting and told Fran she would be back in about 10 minutes. Fran said she would be done by then. Fran told me just to lie back and relax. Ok. I think I fell asleep!

Gloria came back and my toes were being held apart by something in between each one. Gloria told me Fran would be back in a little while and she started moving the chair again. This time we ended up next to a wall of low shelves with a bunch of bottles and curlers in bins sorted by size. Oh, No!!

Gloria told me not to worry (Oh sure!) and that I was going to be a very handsome boy when she was through. Ok! Gloria then started sectioning my hair again. This time though, she started squirting some smelly junk in my hair! Fran came back and said "Oh, just in time I see."

Gloria dipped a hand in a jar of what looked like goo! Fran handed her a paper and Gloria put the goo in that section of my hair. Fran then handed her a curler! Oh No!! Gloria first put the paper on that section of my hair and then rolled the curler on it. Man, she wound that tight! I felt it pull real snug against my scalp! Then Fran gave Gloria a clip and she clipped the curler in my hair. This was repeated many times! It felt like the whole back of my head was wound up tight. Gloria told me I would just sit for a minute.

Fran came over with a pair of tweezers and looked closely at my face again.

"OUCH!" Fran started pulling hairs out of my eyebrows! "What are you doing?" I asked her.

She told me my eyebrows were too bushy and she had to thin them out just a little. She said she was making them even and neater looking.

I remembered my mother doing that and I told Fran, "I do not want my eyebrows looking like my mothers!"

She laughed and said, "I'm just thinning them and making them equal. I'm not sculpting them!" Ok. She finally stopped and then she had this thing in her hand that looked like a torturing device! In her other hand she had this little spiral brush.

"What's that for?" I asked

"For your eyelashes," she said.

I asked, "Why?"

She shook her head and just said, "Trust me." Not that again! (I would never trust another person as long as I lived!) Fran took that thing and told me to close my eyes and stay very still. I did not move a fraction! I felt it squeeze my lashes. Then she did the other side. When she was done she told me to open my eyes. She took that tiny spiral brush and brushed my lashes with it.

Gloria came back, looked and both Fran and she said at the same time "PERFECT!"

Fran then bent down and pulled out those things that were between my toes. Oh Frapst! My toenails were shiny now to! Gloria and Fran then wheeled me into the room and only one lady was in it. The lady looked at me and gave me a big smile. She motioned to Gloria and Fran like a question, "Is that him?" They both nodded. (Oh GEEZE! Who else could it be! You see any of those other gentlemen around! GEEZE!)

That room when you are in it is noisy! Very noisy! They put my head under one of those super dryers. Man, was that hot! Thank heaven, I was only under it for a little while! I was wheeled out and told to stand up and stretch. Oh yes! I needed that. I needed a bathroom as well! I asked them where the men's room was and they started to giggle.

"What is so funny?" I had to pee!

Fran took me by the hand. (What is it with this hand holding stuff anyway?) She knocked on a door and then looked in. She took my hand again and led me inside. Hey, what is she doing in the men's room? She told me to go into a stall and sit to pee.

I asked, "What?"

She said if a lady came in she would not freak out if I sat to pee. Oh no! I was in the girl's bathroom! I quickly went into a stall. Closed and locked the door and sat to pee! Man, did I pee! Oh, that was good. I flushed and came out and went over to the sink to wash my hands. Fran told me to hurry and I did, just in time! As we were leaving a lady was entering! Whew, that was close. The lady looked at me and smiled. (Why is everybody smiling at me?) Maybe I am just being paranoid.

Ok, back we went to the room and Gloria. Gloria came over to me and sat me down in another chair. Yes, I remembered to sweep my smock with my hands! (I knew you were going to ask!) She started to take out the rollers and handed them to Fran who put them in a sink. The papers were thrown away. At last! The rollers were out and she started brushing my hair. Ah, that felt so good! Just then Mrs. Brown and Lucy came back.

Gloria finished brushing out my hair and then she sprayed the heck out of it with hair spray! She then took a portable hand dryer and blew dry the spray. Well, Fran, Gloria, Lucy and Mrs. Brown all said, "PERFECT!"

Just then Janet came in and said, "I knew it! He is just beautiful!" (Beautiful? OH GEEZE!)

I looked around for a mirror. I needed to see what I looked like and I needed to do this quickly! Janet said, "Looking for a mirror?"

I said "Yes!"

She took my hand and led me out to the hall and back to her room. Ok! I looked in the mirror and it was not bad at all! Wow, my eyes looked different and bigger, my lashes were a little too full for my taste and my hair! Oh GEEZE! It was so full and wavy in the back instead of straight and lifeless. My eyebrows? They didn't look like my mothers, but you could tell they were "done". All in all it was cool.

Janet told me to change and I was very happy to do so! When I came out, changed into my own clothes again, Mrs. Brown and Lucy were there. I thanked Lucy and Mrs. Brown told me to go back and thank Fran and Gloria for their hard work. I did and they were happy and told me they couldn't wait for me to come back. (OH GEEZE!) I went back and thanked Mrs. Brown as well.

Everybody was happy and Lucy gave me a wrapped present and told me to open it when I got home. I thanked her again and she gave me a hug. Lucy looked at Grace and said, "You bring Ricky back here once a month, okay Grace?"

Mrs. Brown chuckled and said, "He couldn't afford it."

I said, "I owe so much already!"

Lucy said "We will work something out, just come back here in one month's time and that's final!"

Mrs. Brown said, "Okay, make the appointment." OH GEEZE!

Mrs. Brown then asked me if I was ready to go home? I said yes and she told me my mother was waiting for us. Oh Geeze! I just knew what was going to happen then...

How many of you have gone to a salon at 16 and received this type of treatment?

How many of you have gone to a uniform specialty store and have been treated as I was?

You see what it was like? Life was different back in 1969!

Angel

`Cause he`s a dedicated follower of fashion..." - The Kinks

Fashion
A Life Ever Changing Part Four

...Mrs. Brown then asked me if I was ready to go home. I said yes, and she told me my mother was waiting for us. Oh Geeze! I just knew what was going to happen then!...

We continued to converse about varied topics each of which ended with her asking my opinion or how I felt about this and that. I must admit I was at a loss to give an educated reply to most of her chosen topics. I must have done the right thing by not making something up or using other people's opinions as my own. She ended the inquisition by informing me that I had a lot to learn, but she was sure I would do well.

Okay, but I was about to arrive at my house with my brand new boss. A boss, who has seen me in my underwear, treated me like a child and subjected me to the most embarrassing situations of my young life! Not only that, but I am about to have Mrs. Brown and my mother be together over dinner with one topic, ME!

The closer we got to my house, the more nervous I got. Mrs. Brown must have seen my expression and my body language must have been obvious. Obvious because she turned to me and told me to take slow deep breaths one after the other. So that's what I did for about five minutes! Ok, so I was calmer for five minutes! I looked out the window and HOLY CRAP! We were turning onto my street! There went all the calm! We turned into my driveway and there was no turning back now. THIS WAS IT!

Not only my mother's car was in the driveway either, my Aunt Harriet's was there as well! Now, my Aunt Harriet is a hairdresser and my mother's closest friend. She is also my mother's confidante. My mom tells her everything and she tells my mom everything! Never any secrets between them two! Oh Geeze!

To add insult to injury, our next-door neighbors were having a cookout and they were all outside looking as Mrs. Brown and I got out of the car. Did I mention my girlfriend was my neighbor? I could just picture my next visit with my girlfriend at her house!

I had Mrs. Brown take the lead and I followed close behind. After waving a hello to my neighbors of course; I could not pretend they did not see us, or we did not see them.

We came up the front walk and before I could get to the door my brother and sister ran out yelling "Rich is home!" In a nana-second they both were wrapped around me hugging and yelling "Aunt Harriet is here!" They were yelling at the same time trying to tell me about a hundred different things all at once. You know how little kids are when they are excited don't you? Mrs. Brown started laughing and that was when both my mother and Aunt Harriet came out as well. I did my duty and made the introductions as best I could with two wiggling screaming excited kids wrapped around me.

Mrs. Brown then made the great suggestion that maybe I and my brother and sister could help bring "MY" packages from the car into the house. This suggestion was made to my mother and not to me of course. And of course she agreed and the kids got even more excited! The both started yelling "PRESENTS! RICH GOT PRESENTS!" Oh Geeze!

Mrs. Brown then said to my utter dismay "Ricky, here are my keys to the trunk. You three have fun and just bring all the packages inside ok?" Of course, my mother and Aunt Harriet said in unison "RICKY?" Oh GEEZE!

To my utter horror the three ladies went into the house chatting and laughing like old friends. I could have sworn I heard my Aunt call Mrs. Brown "Grace"! Did she know her?

Well, the two little ones were driving me crazy to open up the trunk. So we three started unloading the packages and I handed the smallest and lightest to my brother. My sister grabbed as much as she could and I grabbed the rest.

We got to the door and the three ladies were already sitting in the living room chatting away. I had to put down several packages to open the door! GEEZE! They could at least have held the door open for us! As we entered the house my mother hollered out, "Just bring them all in here kids!" So we did.

Then my mother really surprised me! She asked me to go into the kitchen and make a fresh salad to go with dinner. What? Ok, so off I went. This of course put me on the opposite side of two walls from them; which of course made it a certainty I could not overhear anything they were talking about.

As I was leaving to go make the salad my Aunt asked me if I would please make some tea. “Of course I would be glad to auntie!” I did say it nicely though. Add to that my brother and sister were trying their best to empty all the packages. As a parting shot I said, "Some of them are Mrs. Brown's." I could hear chuckling as I left.

I put the tea water on to boil and started to think again. I wondered why my Aunt had not mentioned my hair or nails. I knew she knew! My mom did not mention it either! I also knew that it was obvious I had had them done. Well, I did not have them done Mrs. Brown and Lucy had this done to me.

I was also wondering how these appointments just happened to have been made without me seeing Mrs. Brown make them. Betty at the specialty shop knew I was coming. Lucy also knew I was coming. The workers at Lucy's salon knew I was coming! I started putting it all together when the tea water started to boil.

I went to the cupboard and took out the fancy tea set. You know the kind. Teapot, small creamer, sugar bowl with the little spoon in it, the tray and of course. What goes with tea? Right, fancy cookies of course; I put all this together, adding three teacups and saucers with three teaspoons of course. I was ready! Off I went back to the living room.

Now, try to picture me walking in with this stuff trying to keep a poker face on knowing full well I had been set-up by the three of them. It is not easy! I tried, but I failed because all it took was one look at me and they knew I knew what they had done.

All three ladies thanked me for the tea and my mother told me to put the salad in the refrigerator when I was through preparing it. She added that I should come back to living room right when I was through. Ok. So, off I went back to the kitchen once more in utter seclusion. I made the salad, cleaned up and returned to the living room nervous as hell and wondering what would come next.

What I saw when I entered the living room was all my stuff neatly laid out in sets. Yes, the ladies had matched everything as to what went with what. I also noticed several wooden hangers.

Now, my mother loves wooden hangers. They were special and these were designed to hold a complete outfit. There was a place for a shirt, pants and jacket. You ever see these type hangers? They are called the traveler's friend. They were real big in the 40's and 50's. Of course, in the 60's most humans were using metal hangers. Not our family! Our family had at least ten different styles of wooden hangers. No metal ones in this house!

I also noticed that my siblings were now playing with the empty boxes off in a corner and having a blast. Now, lying right next to each matched set of clothes were the accessories that went with them. Yupper, a pair of socks, a T-shit, one pair of underwear and to my utter horror I saw not just one pair of KEDS, but two! I also noticed not two pairs of Patten leather shoes but three; two white pairs and one black pair.

I still only had two jackets, but along with three sets of clothes I noticed three smocks! LIGHT BLUE with "NURSE AIDE" embroidered over the left chest pocket red in color! OH GEEZE! I also noticed I had two neckties both black. What happened to the white one? This took me all of about sixty seconds.

The chair my mother told me to clear off and sit in had two regular sized men's cloth belts lying on it. You know the kind, the ones with the brass buckle? These were white. Also on the chair were three other ones that were thinner and colored light blue and two shiny black leather belts. One was wider than the other one. Where did all this come from? There were two three-color pens. I also saw four sets of light blue shoelaces. Under all this lay two wrapped packages. One I knew was from Lucy, but the other one I did not know whom it was from. I moved all of these things neatly onto the floor.

I sat down and waited for what they had planned for me to once and for all be explained. My Aunt got up and walked over to me. She asked me to show her my hands and I did. She looked at them and said, "Now that is how a gentleman's nails should be kept. Clean, trimmed, shaped and protected. They help make you look like a professional."

Then she looked at my hair. She walked around behind me and I felt her hands in my hair. She then said not only to me I guess, but to Mrs. Brown and my mother as well "This is great work, Grace! Julia (my mom's name) look at all the body he has now!" She went on to say, "Your hair has gentle flowing waves and I bet they will keep for at least a month!" She was not done yet! She went on to say, "I bet we could brush this in several styles!" OH GEEZE! She then asked my mom to get her a hairbrush! OH NO!!!!

Thank heaven, my mother told her we had to eat dinner now! Whew, but then she added, "Harriet, you can play with his hair after dinner." She went on, "You can try different styles as he tries on and models his new uniform sets for us." OH NO, GEEZE!!!!!!

With that I was sent off to the kitchen again by my mother to set places for four. She announced that the two little ones had already eaten and they would be going to bed now.

I started to laugh then because as I was going to the kitchen as both my brother and sister were screaming they did not want to go to bed; especially going to bed earlier than normal. I knew they would fight this tooth and nail! I also knew my mom would win after a few swats on two bottoms! My Aunt offered her help with the two little ones and my mom asked Grace if she wanted join them. She did.

I disappeared into the kitchen and that was the last I heard from them for some time. Knowing what they had to do would take at least thirty minutes or more I not only set the table, I put the final touches on the salad and warmed the French bread. I peeked into the oven and there was my favorite of favorites! Home-made baked macaroni and cheese. If this was to be my final meal it was going to at least be my favorite!

I decided to take a chance and peeked into the freezer. YES! There it is my favorite dessert in the whole world! A big pan of strawberry supreme!

Have you ever had homemade strawberry supreme? No? You just don't know what you are missing dear readers! How this is made will make your mouths water and your stomachs growl with eternal desire! The very bottom is made of crushed toasted almonds. Then, the first layer of strawberry ice cream is added. On top of that strawberries in syrup whipped together with real whipped cream! Not Cool Whip! Real whipped cream! Then, another thin layer of crushed toasted almonds is added. This continues until you have four layers and that is topped off with real fresh strawberries! Would you like some dear readers? I know I would and right this second! But, on with the story...

Feeling much better about dinner and dessert I started to sing as I usually do when I am alone. I love to sing. Then I heard that sound!

 

Silence!

Now to tell the truth I truly detest silence. Some noise is always present in real life. A silent house should be an empty house. Not on this day! On this day, silence meant trouble. Trouble for me that is! Three women had planned well with one person's future in mind. Mine! Why?

What also came to my young and inexperienced mind was why had they chosen these steps and spent so much money without first talking to me? Why had they decided to force me into these situations? Why had they decided this role for me to take for my future?

Something else odd popped into my head then. Aunt Harriet had not mentioned my eyebrows! I knew this meant trouble!

Before any of my dear readers gets the idea that I should have thought they were trying to feminize me, forget it! It would have been an impossible task, in my mind. Exercise was a big part of my life and helped me burn off my pent up aggressions. As you can guess I had a lot of aggression! In my very private mind a war was going on.

My social standing in the world was at the lower end of any scale. Most of my peers in and out of school considered me to be a geek. Not an ugly geek, but a geek all the same. I never hung around at the in spots with them. Even though I was in great shape I did not join any of the sports programs.

In fact, I wasn't in any extra curricular activities. A few knew my situation, but that did not matter to most of them. Another burning festering situation for me, I had very little time for myself. I had to take care of home and family. I realized this and its importance, but that realization did not help me socially. Any time I could get to be by myself I grabbed it! Why? I couldn't schedule that. Free time was when everything required of me had been completed.

Sometimes I pondered what it would be like to have a real friend. A best friend you could pour your heart out to. A confidante of my own, like the relationship my mom and Aunt Harriet had. Wow, would that be great! At least I did have one good relationship with a girl, my neighbor Barbara. She was 15, very cute and she has great parents! Her dad was the best! Her mom protected her like an alligator protecting its eggs!

One thing I did have which I truly loved, my relationship with my own family. It was a very good and close one, so I had thought until this day! My brother and sister truly loved me and I acted as both mother and father to them most of the time. I truly loved them as well. I would do anything for them! The trust and love they showed to me everyday was awesome.

I guess I was very lucky though. Many kids had it a lot worse than I did! I saw it on the many faces I watched at school. Funny how many stupid things my peers thought were so important; they missed so much trying to achieve so little.

The things they did to those less fortunate maddened me to the boiling point at times. The handicapped, the slower learners, the plain-looking and especially the geeks! If you were not in, you were out. If you were out anything and everything will be done to harass, humiliate and even to physically harm you. At least at school I can help protect them from physical harm. When I see it happen I step in and usually that ends that. I love to get out pent up aggression that way!

Ok, back to the story...

Sounds! Once again I hear sounds! People talking in hushed tones have just entered the kitchen. The first thing I hear is, "Don't stop singing you have a beautiful voice."

Great, just what I did not want to hear! I stopped singing ignoring the statement by Mrs. Brown and asked my mom if she wanted me to serve.

She smiled and answered, "That would be wonderful, Ricky." Oh Geeze! My mother directed the others where to sit. I put the salad and several kinds of dressing on the table. Then I sliced the warmed bread and brought that to the table along with the butter. My mom told me to sit then and I did. Not in my usual seat either. I usually sat at one end of the table. I now sat across from my Aunt. Mrs. Brown had my usual place.

My mother started the conversation. Looking directly into my eyes she informed me that Grace has been a friend of Harriet's for many years. She went on, "One day while Harriet was doing my hair I was talking about all you do for me and the little ones. I told her that I was worried about you because you had so little time for yourself. You have had no real childhood like other children."

She was getting teary eyed and I knew this was hard for her. My Aunt held and squeezed my mom's hand then. Grace said, "Go on Julia, its okay, and just say what is in your heart." Now this started my eyes to tear. I fought it the best I could of course. MEN DON'T CRY! BULL CRAP THEY DON'T!

Three against one in a heart to heart conversation is not fair at all. Not to me anyways! Well, my mom continued then. She looked at me again while saying, "You do many things for us that many boys would never do. Many parents would never ask their children to do."

I started to protest when at the same time Mrs. Brown squeezed my shoulder and my Aunt kicked me in the shin under the table. Ok! GEEZ! I did not interrupt again! Ouch!

She went on, "You are so good and ask so little in return." More tears, "I told Harriet how I was worried about you. I was worried that I was forcing you to be something you should not be." Confusion on my part here; what? How could she force me to be something I did not want to be? She continued telling me, "Most of the things you do for us were meant for girls and women to do, not boys!" I knew not to interrupt my shin still hurt from the last time!

"You are so gentle and loving. Your brother and sister adore you and Terry (my little sister) has told me how you make her diaper time so special." (OH GEEZE!) "Did you know she asked for you tonight when I diapered her? She told me you always let her choose one of her dolls to sleep with and that she got to diaper her just like she was. She also told me that you always wanted her help when you diapered her. She told me that I made her feel like a baby and she wasn't a baby."

Now my mother did break down and I felt bad because I thought it was my fault. I saw my chance to say something then without getting kicked under the table. I gave my mom a hug and told her I was sorry for not telling her what I did with my sister. That it was my fault. BANG, SMACK! OUCH, what was that for? My mother just slapped me on the head and hard!

She looked mad and told me to "sit down and shut up!" She then, with no more tears, looked at Harriet and Grace saying, "You see what I mean?" They both nodded and looked at me smiling. Oh Geeze! I just did not understand this!

My mom went on, "You just don't understand how different and special you are and now that you are becoming a young man I am worried what might happen to you." What? "So Harriet mentioned her best friend Grace to me; she called her and invited her over for a get together with just the three of us. The topic was you, more precisely what we could do to help you. Now that you know that, we should take a break and have dinner and dessert. You sit and I will serve this time." She said this with a smile.

Talk about confused! I was a mess! She was right. I just did not understand what she was talking about. I did not feel I was so different and special to the degree she apparently did. I just did what had to be done. Geeze, I love my siblings so how could I care for them differently?

The one thing my dad had taught me was the Seven P's. Prior proper planning prevents piss poor performance. This was the only thing he had taught me that held any promise or truth in it. He also tried to teach me that, if the truth is going to hurt, lie. He taught me that the day he left. We never heard from him again. That was several years ago. To this day I hold to the Seven P's and teach it to many others.

Harriet got up and helped my mother and Mrs. Brown looked at me and asked what we were having. I told her and added that they were all my favorites. Well, I knew I had to have my best manners then. So instead of leaving my napkin next to my plate I put it on my lap. To say dinner was good would be an understatement. It was fantastic! We all were so full from the main course we had to postpone dessert until later.

The conversation was light and friendly with no mention of what was to come; the topics? Women stuff of course! We all went into the living room and sat. The three women sat on the couch and I took the chair I had before. I figured my mother was through because Aunt Harriet began talking to me this time.

She began, "Ricky you know that I love you very much and really care about you. You are more like a son to me. Your mother and I were all you had even when you father was still here." That was true, I hardly ever saw him. "We know you better than you know yourself. That was made very clear to all of us tonight. We just had to make sure we were doing the right thing. That is why I asked my best friend in the whole world for her advice. Your mother and I talked with Grace for a long time and shared everything with her." OH GEEZE! Not everything!

"We met together to talk for weeks before we made any decisions on how to help you. When we all agreed and decided what to do. Then we needed to figure out how best to do it. You helped us more than you know when you told Julia you decided you were going to apply for a job where Grace is the administrator and the Director of Nursing." I looked over to Mrs. Brown and she gave me a big smile. So that's why all the appointments were made already, my mom told her!

This signaled Mrs. Brown to start, "Ricky, few women have what it takes to care for others in need. They may be good mothers to their children, but when it comes to caring for others they just don't have enough heart and compassion. For a male to have these gifts is 'rarer' still. Let me ask you this. Why do you think so few men work in health care?"

I answered, "I really don't know. I guess they believe it is women's work caring for other people's personal and health needs. At least that is what happens with kids. They always go to their mothers when they are sick or hurt." That did start me thinking about that. I did not see any males working on the floor at the nursing home nor in the nurse's dining room.

She continued, "There are males working in this field, Ricky, there numbers are few but increasing. Like I said before it takes someone special to work in this field caring for others and their personal needs. They must have a sharing heart and a lot of compassion for others. You are one of these people Ricky!" She said that with a lot of conviction and force. Like she meant to convince me and there was no room for me to argue.

She went on, "You are blessed with a mother that loves you more than you will ever know. You have an aunt that loves you very much as well. Your sister and brother adore you and yet you do not realize the rare gift God has given you. You use it everyday and even under the most difficult of circumstances. I tested you very hard today. I put you in positions most boys would have run away screaming from. Yet, you did not do that. You might have wanted to, but you didn't. You took my criticisms and orders with hardly a protest. You were put in embarrassing situations and you held up well. Your complaints were few and mostly given during the most trying of circumstances for you. I just want you to know that you were tested today and passed with flying colors."

She smiled and looked at my mom and Aunt Harriet. They had big smiles on their faces and were crying. GEEZE! Not Mrs. Brown though. Mrs. Brown was in command and she continued, "What makes you so special to us, Ricky, is your qualities. Many boys and men would call them girl's or women's feelings. THEY ARE NOT! Don't you ever even think that they are exclusive to girls and women! The numbers of men in this field would skyrocket if they did not have these feelings suppressed by their parents and peers. Think about it. What is so bad for a boy to help with the housework to help cook and clean?

"During the war many women filled all the positions men held. They proved they could do it. They did this in addition to being mothers. Why is it so different for boys and men to fill roles formerly reserved for women? It is not! Could they do it? Yes, and they could do it well. The problem is with our system of separating everything. Girls do this and boys do that. That is wrong Ricky.

"The attitude we need is with sharing our duties with each other. We can learn so much from each other if we would only just let it happen. Instead many people judge each other harshly because they don't act like a person believes they should. Let me ask you Ricky when they call you a mama's boy at school what do you do?" Oh so they told her that!

I answered, "I ignore them because they just don't know what they are talking about. They don't know what it is to be needed. All they have to do is go to school, maybe do a few chores and then it's off to play or hang out. In a way I feel sorry for them. They just don't know anything about real life other than their own little worlds."

She smiled and my mother jumped in and asked me to tell Grace why I was suspended from school the last time. OH GEEZE! Mrs. Brown gave me one of those questioning looks and Aunt Harriet just smiled that knowing smile she has.

So I told her, "The jocks, three of the popular football players liked to beat up on the smaller ones and the ones they felt were different. I was going to class and saw them beating on this kid while they were calling him a geek and a retard. I got mad and beat them up."

I tried to end it there but my mom told me to go on and tell the whole story. GEEZE! "Well, when I stepped in I told them idiots to pick on somebody their own size while I punched the biggest one in the eye. They stopped hitting on the little kid and started in on me. I don't really remember much but when it stopped I was standing and they were on the floor.

"A teacher was looking at me and asked me if I was all right. I had blood all over me and my nose was bleeding. Mrs. Jenkins, a special Ed teacher, took me to the nurse's office. The nurse wasn't there so Mrs. Jenkins helped me clean up and stop the bleeding. That took awhile and I started to feel very sore.

"It hurt to move my arms and was getting harder to breath. Mrs. Jenkins helped me take off my shirt and I had these red welts everywhere. Some were turning blue. She told me to sit tight and she made a phone call from the other room.

"Next thing I know was I heard sirens. It sounded like a few of them. Mrs. Jenkins came back and told me they were contacting my mother and she held an ice bag to my face and had me lay back leaning against the wall. I asked her about the sirens and she chuckled saying they were not for me. It wasn't that much longer when my mom came in and took me to the hospital. I had two broken ribs but it wasn't bad.

"This all happened on a Friday and the trouble didn't start until Monday morning. I was called to the principal's office. He told me I was lucky I wasn't arrested and that the parents of the other three kids were not going to press charges. He said I was in deep trouble with him and the coach though. They decided I had to be suspended from school for seven days because I started the fight." I laughed at that! I shrugged my shoulders saying that was that.

Aunt Harriet jumped in then and said, "No, that is not all of it Ricky and you know it!" GEEZE! She continued of course! "You forgot to mention what the special class did for you and what the little boy and his mother did for you as well. Not to mention what Mrs. Jenkins did!"

I said, "That has nothing to do with why I was suspended and I do not want to talk about anymore ok?"

Mrs. Brown looked at me and Harriet said, "We will tell you later, Grace, he is to modest, again!" Thank God that was over!

Mrs. Brown started again, "Ricky you have a job now. I along with a few of the nurses and Mary, an Aide you met, are going to help you. You must give this a chance and it will be very difficult for you at times. Are you willing to give it your best effort?"

I told her I would give it my best. I added that, "I hope I do not let you all down."

All three said, "Just do your best and you can never let us down." OK!

My mom suggested it was a good time for dessert. GREAT!!!! STRAWBERRY SUPREME! Did I mention already about strawberry supreme? My favorite of favorites!

While we walked back to the kitchen Aunt Harriet told me once I was finished I should go take a quick shower and to shampoo the hairspray out of my hair.

Mrs. Brown said, "Ricky, you should open the present from Lucy first, okay?"

I nodded and wondered what was in the package I might need. Shampoo probably. We had dessert and they were telling me after my shower Harriet was going to show me how to do my hair for work. Then it would be time for the fashion show! Oh Geeze! I was tired.

We had our dessert and Mrs. Brown went to get the present from Lucy for me. She brought it back and I had to open it in front of them and I did. Oh my! It had everything in it a girl could want! I swear it had stuff in it I would never use!

First I unwrapped it; the wrapping paper had little pictures on it of things used in hair care. It was tied with a white ribbon and had a little card attached. I opened it and read what it said silently. I knew this would drive them nuts.

My mom told me to read it and I declined and just handed it to her. I opened the box and heard my mom laugh. She then handed it to Mrs. Brown. She laughed and then it was Aunt Harriet's turn and she laughed as well.

Okay, on with the contents. In the box on the very top was a shower cap! It was a blue one. There was another thing under that in a package that had writing on it "HAIR BONNETT to keep your hair neat through the night." Oh brother! Under that were packages of Bobbie pins, combs, a hairbrush, a set of large curlers a bunch of small bottles, which I did not look at closely. A manicure set and several containers of nail polish. Mostly clear, but one was white! On the very bottom were several hairnets in various colors. Oh Great! There also were one of those eyelash torturing devices and an eyelash brush in a long clear bottle of liquid! OH GEEZE! I also found a pair of tweezers.

Aunt Harriet was looking at the bottles and left out two. She said, "Use these two for your shower. This one is a body wash. Use it instead of your bar soap. This other one is for your hair. Use only a little and shampoo your hair twice and rinse it real well each time, ok?"

I said ok and off I went. Leaving them to whatever they were going to do next.

I went into the bathroom to get ready to take my shower when I noticed my robe was missing! Oh no! In its place was a blue shiny one with a very wide neck opening. It had a note attached. It said, "From me to you, my favorite! Love and hugs Auntie Harriet." OH GEEZ! I tried it on and it just covered the top ends of my shoulders. It was just long enough to reach the tops of my knees! OH CRAP! I wonder where my other robe is. Must be in my room, but I had better wear this one tonight or "Auntie" would be hurt.

I jumped into the shower and opened the body wash and poured it onto my washcloth. Wow, what lather! It smelled good too. Not flowery like I had dreaded, but earthy. I liked it! Once I was done washing my body it was hair time. I opened the bottle of shampoo and it smelled the same as the body wash had. COOL! I did as I was instructed and washed and rinsed well twice. I was done, now to dry off and put on the robe.

Then I heard a soft knocking on the bathroom door. I wrapped my hair in a towel and put on the robe. It was Aunt Harriet. She said, "Good I caught you just in time. Is your hair still wet?"

I said, "Sopping wet I did not have time to even towel dry it yet."

She looked at me wearing the robe and smiled saying, "Oh. It fits you perfectly! Do you like it?"

What could I say? I told her, "It's nice, Aunt Harriet but it is a little short for me."

She shook her head and said, "That is the length it is supposed to be, silly. It will keep closed easier when you sit down to do your hair. You notice it is roomier than your other robe and wraps around you more." Ok. She took my hand and led me down stairs! What is it with this holding my hand thing? Do all hairdressers do this?

She led me into the kitchen still holding my hand and exclaimed, "Here he is!"

Oh brother, like they didn't know? My mom handed me another present OH GEEZ! so I opened it and it was a hand held hair dryer. It also had what is called a styling brush. I thanked her and Aunt Harriet told me to sit. She toweled my hair for a minute or two and then started brushing while using my new hairdryer. Wait, what about my underwear?

I tried to look down to make sure she told me the truth about the robe but she yanked my head back and told me not to move! Okay. I felt with my hands and with relief I felt lots of robe. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Mrs. Brown and my mom talking and smiling. I did not feel right not wearing any underwear! I was feeling self conscious about it. Just hoping nothing rose to the occasion if you know what I mean! I must have been getting red again because I noticed Mrs. Brown and mom had stopped talking and were looking at me with concern.

Aunt Harriet turned off the dryer and said, "Those waves held perfectly! Just look at that body your hair has now! This will be so easy for me to work with. So much better than your baby fine straight hair! To be honest, Ricky, that hair was a real pain to work with. All I could ever do was cut it and let it hang straight down. I wish you would have let me give you a soft perm." A what? A perm! Oh Geeze!

My mother then said, "Ricky what is wrong? You looked frightened about something." I told her how I was not used to not having anything on under my robe especially in front of anybody. They all laughed at that and she told me that I had nothing they have not seen before many times.

Mom added, "Harriet and I saw you completely naked just last week, honey. Did we embarrass you then?" WHAT? WHEN? She then went on with, "Remember when, Jerry (My little brother) walked out of the room leaving your door open? We both were coming up the stairs and you walked out to close the door remember?" OH GEEZE!

I said, "You were coming up the stairs? I did not see you!"

Aunt Harriet laughed. "That was obvious, Ricky, you did not even try to cover yourself. So don't even think about shocking us with being naked, okay?" (OH GEEZE!)

Mrs. Brown chuckled and said, "I am a nurse and you could not shock me if you tried." Now is this supposed to make me feel better? It didn't!

Aunt Harriet then asked what color hair tie I wanted to use. My mom jumped in and said, "Let's match them to each set of clothes he is modeling."

"That is a great idea," Harriet said. So, I was now ready to do the fashion show...

 

A Life Ever Changing Part Five
Come Together

by Angel O’Hare

... Aunt Harriet then asked what color hair tie I wanted to use. My mom jumped in and said, "Let's match them to each set of clothes he is modeling."

"That is a great idea," Harriet said. So I was now ready to do the fashion show....

Aunt Harriet then said, "But first your eyebrows are just a little too thick." They did a fine job of with shaping; you just need a little thinning."

I said, "Aunt Harriet I do not want girl shaped eyebrows. I let them do a lot of things to me, but please don't try and make me look like a girl." Aunt Harriet, my mother and Mrs. Brown looked at me with ‘THAT’ look again!

Mrs. Brown then said to me, "Ricky, the look you will need to begin working is an androgynous one. Do you know what that means? What? What the crap did androgynous mean?

I answered, "No, I never heard of it before."

Mrs. Brown then told me, "A famous person named Coleridge said, 'The truth is, a great mind must be androgynous.' You already have an androgynous mind, Ricky, now you must appear androgynous. The word means uniting both sexes in one, or having the characteristics of both. Now do you understand?"

I said, "Please just give me a minute to think." They all paused at this and were I must say looking a little worried at what I might say next. Concern was on all their faces. My mom looked the most tense and Aunt Harriet was gently massaging my shoulders.

Just then the phone rang and all four of us jumped with the sound of the first loud ring. My mom answered it and I could hear her say, "Hi, hi Barbara, no, Rich is a little busy right now, can he call you back tomorrow? We both are busy and we have company. Oh, (chuckle) no, he isn't hurt or anything like that. The nurse that brought him home is Rich's new employer. Yes. He has a job at the nursing home. What? Yes, he will be starting Monday morning. Okay, tell your mother I will call her in the morning ok? Yes, I will let Rich call you first. Bye."

My mom was laughing softly as she turned to me and said, "That was Barbara, she thought you were hurt or something when she saw Grace. She wants you to call her in the morning. You are supposed to call her before I talk to Rita." (Her mom.) She chuckled again at that.

Now they were all looking at me again and Mrs. Brown asked me, "Well, what have you thought about and do you need us to explain anything further?"

I answered, "If I have figured this out correctly, you don't want me to look like an all boy or an all girl, but you want me to look like I could be either one?" All three answered me at the same time, which was a little confusing until I figured out they all meant the same thing and that was EXACTLY! I had figured it out, but now what? I then asked Mrs. Brown, "Why? Why is this step so necessary? I have never really cared what people thought of the way I looked, but this seems a little questionable to me. What happens when I go out in public looking; what was that word, androgynous?"

Mrs. Brown, my mom and Aunt Harriet (Who was still massaging me, now working on my back. It felt so good!) Tried to answer me all at the same time again when Mrs. Brown spoke up louder with, "Let me answer that for you, Ricky." My mom and Aunt Harriet kept quiet then and Mrs. Brown continued, "You will be working with all women and also be taking care of women residents. To look 'ALL MALE' as you mentioned would be a harder handicap for you. More than you realize right now. We all feel that you should look like your personality and qualities dictate. This will help you immensely in this field and we do believe in your personal life as well. Ricky, you are the most gender-neutral person I have ever encountered. Do what we ask of you and you will succeed far better and have a much easier time working with women. What do you say you just give it a try?"

Gender neutral; she said it like it was a compliment, but it hurt me just the same. I thought hard and deep just then. They were telling me I was not a boy or man. I was not girl or women either, thank God. But, what did this make me? When I look in the mirror I see a young man. I have a penis and it works like it is supposed to. Well, I hadn't had intercourse yet, but my exploration of this item sure had its pleasurable surprises. True, my voice wasn't a deep one, but it wasn't high either. Damn it, I look like a boy! This is going to be the toughest thing I have ever done and I just know I do not have any real choice other than to do it their way.

"Okay, I will give it my best" I said. "This is going to be hard for me to do and I will need a lot of help and support. Mom? You will have to help me with Barbara and the Nelsons. (My neighbors.) I just don't want to look so feminine people think I am gay or something. I like girls and I don't want to lose the only one that seems to like me as I am, ok?"

They all agreed and started to hug me. Even Mrs. Brown joined in with the group hug! The tension that was building in the room just dissipated then vanished like it never was.

Aunt Harriet took out my new pair of tweezers and started on my eyebrows making them less bushy as she had said. My mother and Mrs. Brown went into the living room to select my first set of clothes I was to model.

Maybe I would start a new fad! The androgynous look! I started to laugh thinking about it. OUCH!!!!!! Man that hurts! How do girls do this to themselves? I would remember to compliment Barbara on her eyes and brows the next time I saw her! Hell, I would compliment about her hair and nails as well!

This started me thinking about shopping for clothes with my family. With my brother and me it was mom would pick them out and ask if we liked them. This question was a waste of time because she always got what she had picked out anyway. She would do the "MOM CHECK" and that was that.

Not so with my sister. It was a whole new experience watching them shop for clothes. They had a blast! My sister would get all excited and they would take forever trying things on and picking things out. If my mom went to buy one new dress for herself and my sister they would try on fifty of them! Well slight exaggeration there. They would have so much fun.

I must admit at being jealous seeing this knowing shopping for us boys was a drag for her and us. Why couldn't we have as much fun? Couldn't I try on a bunch of clothes I would like to wear? Just to see what they looked like on me? Why not? Maybe I will talk to my mom about this and see what happens.

I came back to earth then and noticed my Aunt Harriet was looking at my face real intense like. She then asked me what I was thinking about and I said, "Oh, nothing that important."

She laughed and said she knew me better than that. "Out with it Ricky!"

So, I sighed, a nice deep sigh at that, and reluctantly I told her what I had been thinking and what I thought about it and then asked her what she thought. Well, the answer I received was not what I expected at all.

She hollered so loud it startled me she said, "JULIA and GRACE get in here and listen to this! OH GEEZE and double CRAP! Before I knew it the three of them were going to take me shopping for new clothes the following Saturday! They told me it was going to be fun and I would be able to try on anything I wanted and as much as I wanted. COOL and double COOL! I just wondered whose money we were going to spend. Well, they were happy that was for sure!

My eyebrows were done and we all went into the living room. The first set was the clothes I was the most reluctant to wear. Yupper! Those stretchy tight ones with the shirt Betty had given me. With those, a pair of sneakers that someone had put a pair of the light blue laces in.

The socks were not socks at all! They were more like tights! You know the kind, thicker than nylons and they looked like they were long enough to reach well above my knees! These were white. OH GEEZE!

Next I noticed a web belt of light blue. The underwear? Well the T-shirt was plain, but it wasn't like my normal ones. The neck opening was round and for over the shoulder it had two thin straps. The underpants? I did not see any, but I saw my mom holding a box. It was wrapped and I remembered Betty giving it to me as a present.

I looked at my mom and said, "I suppose my new underpants are in that box?"

"Yes, honey, and something for this particular outfit that we know you will need."

I took the box and opened it. It was wrapped in lots of tissue paper. I took it out of the box and unwrapped it. "What is this thing?" I asked. It looked like a tight fitting pair of boxer shorts. Then I noticed there were two pairs clipped together.

My mom said, "Those are underpants that support your privates and hold them closer to your body so you don't show as much. They will protect you from injury and keep you from being embarrassed at certain times." All three started chuckling and my mother went on with, "You know the times, honey. What happens when you get up in the morning and make me breakfast? She is smiling that knowing smile here. You have a hard time hiding that thing of yours in just your robe, don't you." She said this as a fact not a question. "Well, this takes care of that problem." All three with knowing smiles! Oh Geeze!

I realized that working with all women it could be a very embarrassing problem at that. So with a shrug of my shoulders I said I understood. They did look like they were going to be a tight fit that was sure!

Mom added, "Honey, you have to wear something under those to prevent irritation. Look in the box dear." What now? Oh Lord! Now these were girl's panties!!!! No doubt about it! Oh no!

So I asked the next question. "Why do I have to wear girl’s panties under this? Can't I wear my regular briefs?"

Aunt Harriet jumped in here and said, "Okay, Ricky, why don't you try wearing your briefs under them and see what happens."

"I will" I said and all four of us just looked at each other. My mom then told me to go change in the den instead of going upstairs. It would be easier and we wouldn't wake the little ones. The den did not have a mirror or a door! I had a funny feeling about this. I took a pair of my new regular briefs off of another set of clothes and headed to the den.

I realized that these were the most feminine looking set of clothes out of all of them. If I could get through the ordeal of wearing this set. I would be home free. I took off my robe and put on the new pair of regular briefs. Snug fit, comfortable and I thought they would be ok under the tight boxers. I then put on the T-shirt, light and silky, felt good, but did not look right to me.

Then I went to put on the boxer's and in walked my mom and Aunt Harriet! Aunt Harriet said, "I forgot to tie your hair back."

SURE!

Mom said, "Honey, we knew you would need some help anyway and I am glad we came in just now. You should put on your hose first. Oh Lord! I took the white long stockings and started to put them on like my regular socks when my mom stopped me.

"Not like that, Honey, you will ruin them that way! Let me show you." She took one and rolled it up until just the toe part was on the end. She told me to sit down which I did and then she put the end over my toes. She unrolled it as she pulled it up to my knee. She did the same with the other one on my other leg. She explained what she was doing while she went.

Then I had to stand up and she pulled them up to my thigh and smoothed them out. She said, "That is how you put these on. If you don't do it this way you will put to much strain on the threads and they will run on you. Okay?"

I said okay and that was when Aunt Harriet handed me the boxers to squeeze into. I do mean squeeze! I could see why I had to put the "hose" on first because the legs of the boxers covered the tops of the hose. The boxers were so tight they scrunched my briefs in the most uncomfortable of places! I could feel lumps as I felt around trying to fix the problem.

Both of them laughed then and told me that was why I needed the other type of underwear. (They did not use the word panties.) OH GEEZE! This was going to be bad, for me anyway. Okay, off with the boxers and it just so happened, my mom had the underwear mentioned ready for me.

Without even thinking about I just took off my briefs before I realized what I just did! Too late now and they did not even crack a smile or utter a chuckle. I put on the underwear and they felt real different. Smoother, cooler and much lighter they covered my whole butt and were cut fuller in the legs. They had a higher waist than my briefs.

But, I really showed! You could see right through them! OH GEEZE! My mom told me to tuck my penis downward and I did. I quickly grabbed the boxers and squeezed them on. Yes, there was a big difference I had to admit. My mom and Harriet both said at the same time, "SEE THE DIFFERENCE?"

I did and admitted they were right. It felt very strange though. My testicles were pushed back inside of me, which hurt for a few seconds and my penis was no longer evident. I had a smooth front! I was going to put the pants on next when my mom told me I had to put the shirt on first. Geeze! This was a lot more trouble than I thought it was going to be! I put on the shirt and it was snug just like I remembered from the store. My mom told me to tuck the shirt into my boxers. I did and thankfully was finally able to put on my pants!

Now these pants were the stylish ones; snug fitting above the knees with bell-bottoms. Stylish was what Betty had called them. I threaded the belt on and figured out the buckle. You slid the end of the belt through it and pulled back on it to secure it.

I reached for the sneakers and my mom handed me a pair of socks saying, "Put these on first, Honey." Great, light blue socks and they did not go up on my legs either. They went to just below my ankles. I now got to put on the sneakers.

I stood up and Aunt Harriet was waiting for me with a light blue hair tie. She brushed my hair and pulled it back tying it into a ponytail. A girl's style ponytail!

I was ready for my entrance to show Mrs. Brown and thinking of what to say to all of them once I got into the living room! My mom told me to wait till she called me from the living room. They both left and it took them longer than I figured it should.

I was just going to holler when my mom told me to come into the living room "Smiling" she said. I walked into the living room 'SMILING' and then FLASH and FLASH and FLASH again! PICTURES! OH CRAP! I was getting mad again! All three of them had cameras!

I heard Mrs. Brown say, "He's gorgeous!"

My mother had a huge grin and Aunt Harriet quickly said, "Don't get upset, Ricky, there is a very good reason for you to be wearing this outfit. Grace has something for you and her friend Betty made her decision when she met and talked with you." Mrs. Brown then handed me a letter.

It was in a fancy envelope and was sealed with wax and had a big "B" imprinted in it. I opened the envelope and took out the letter. Nice stationary. Mrs. Brown asked me to read it aloud so everybody could know what Betty had written to me. I paused for a minute just holding the letter.

I was so angry right then that I was afraid to try and talk. I looked at them with what must have been the old "this had better be worth it" look!

Mrs. Brown said, "Read the letter and you will get the answers to the questions you have."

My mom added, "Please don't be angry with us, Honey, read the letter." My Aunt just kept nodding at me.

The letter began;

"Dearest Ricky"

"By your reading this I know you have on the outfit I picked out just for you. There is a very important reason for this, which I will explain later on in this letter. First though I want you to know that it was your loving mother, Harriet and Grace who I met and talked to at length about you and a problem I have. I could not believe what I heard when you were described to me by Grace and my new good friends your mother and Harriet."

I looked up at the three women and they smiled and motioned for me to continue. Betty went on with, "I had to be sure about you and when Grace told me you had applied for work at her facility I saw my chance of meeting and talking to you without my problem being mentioned first. I was skeptical when I first saw you, but as time went on I was sure they were right and you would be the answer I was looking for." (WHAT? This was getting strange.)

"Your looks, mannerisms and speech were androgynous." (That word again!) "With little effort you could look like either a girl or a boy." Oh Geeze! "This is what is needed for you to be able to help my family."

"Let me now explain my problem and you can then make your decision if you wish to help us or not. We have two daughters that are mentally handicapped just like your little brother. They are more infantile in their behavior though and are older and much stronger. They can get violent and they do hurt when they hit and kick. We have been told they should be institutionalized but we will never do that! We have hired many caregivers over the years and most quit shortly after they started working, as the girl's got older. The few that did stay turned out to be abusive and rough with the girls. My daughters I found would have bruises and they would cry a lot when they saw the caregiver approach them.

"Ricky, this is very important and I stress the need we have of a strong compassionate caregiver with a heart. You must appear to be a girl for my husband to accept you as a caregiver. He would never allow a boy to provide care for our girls. I have recently been told the agency we have used for years will no longer send caregivers to our home. We have contacted other agencies that supply help in our area and they have all refused to send anyone. If we cannot find anyone soon our girls will have to be institutionalized. I cannot care for them myself. They are too heavy for me to care for and their combativeness I could not control. You are our last hope. Before you make a decision on this matter let me explain my offer for your employment and what will be required of you."

I was awestruck! I was numb, confused, hurt, mad, embarrassed and humiliated all at one time!

I must have looked like I was just hit by a train because I was group hugged right then! My mom told me it would be okay and I could decide either way, and they would not think badly of me. They knew what was being asked and it would have been hard for anybody in the same situation.

I looked up at them and tried to talk. I couldn't. I sat down and asked for a drink. My mom nodded to Aunt Harriet and gave her a key. My Aunt went to the liquor cabinet and made me a drink. My first ever drink, other than a little wine. I had never even tried the hard stuff before.

She came over and handed me the drink, which I gulped down. Holy Crap! I coughed and sputtered and they chuckled.

I took a deep breath and found I could speak now. So I began by asking, "Do I really look like a girl?" I did not wait for an answer and kept on talking. "This letter has me so confused. I feel hurt by it and humiliated. I feel like a freak that really doesn't fit in anywhere. What am I? I don't know what I am anymore."

I stopped talking and started thinking lost in my own world. I thought I was mature and a good brother and son. I thought I was a male! Now I am being told by those I love and their friends I am androgynous. I could be either with little effort! The worst thing for me to deal with right then was the fact that I was being asked to look like a girl!

Everybody here I knew thought that I could and should do this thing. WHY? What was so important about this to make me feel so bad about myself? I was so hurt and confused I started to cry then. The tears just poured out of me. I was being hugged and petted. I heard sounds but I could not make them out.

I started to calm down enough to just sob and that is when I felt a cool damp cloth being drawn softly against my eyes and face. I looked up and my Aunt handed me another drink and told me to just sip it this time. I did several times.

My mother started talking softly, "You are my son that I love more than anything in this world. You will always be my son and a boy to me. You have a God given gift that makes you special and rare. It is nothing to be ashamed of. It is something to learn about, control and use so you can help others. I am so proud of you for doing what you have done in you life. The decisions you have made by yourself and your attitudes have always been mature ones and well above what anyone would expect from someone so young. You are what you are Ricky. Only you can decide what you will do with that knowledge. I am here to help and support you whatever you decide. Just know that you are not a freak! You are a boy with a rare gift and I love you and you are even more precious to me because of it."

My Aunt Harriet started up, "You are not alone you know! There are other boys just like you. Not many, but there are more of them than you think. There is one thing about your body that I bet you have never noticed. Do you know what it is?"

I didn't and said so. She then told me to feel my neck and I did. She then told me to feel hers and I did. She asked me if I felt any difference and I said no.

She continued, "You have a wonderful soft voice and you sing beautifully. You can sing notes in a range most boys can't. Your music teacher has told you this and that is why she wanted you in the school choir. Grace noticed this as well. Now do you know what is different about you?"

I still said I didn't know as I was feeling my neck wondering what it could be.

Mrs. Brown said, "Ricky, you have no thyroid cartilage, no Adams apple. WHAT? I never really noticed that!

I asked her, "How could that happen? All males have Adams apples!"

Mrs. Brown said, "Not all males Ricky, you don't have one." She smiled and said, "Now that you are calm, do you think you could finish Betty's letter? I think you will understand even more when you have finished it and you will not be hurt by what is says either. I promise."

I continued to read after a few more good sips of my drink. Those drinks sure started to make me feel better! Soda Pop, with a kick.

Betty's letter continued, "We will provide for any items you need including uniforms, clothing and all the accessories. We also will provide your transportation to and from our home. You will have a bedroom of your own which has its own full bath. All your meals will be provided and you will be required to do no housework. We have a cook, a maid and a housekeeper to do those tasks. Your pay will be $200.00 weekly." WOW! $200 a week! That's what my mom makes now! That would solve our money problems for sure!

"What is required of you is first to be trained by Grace or someone she chooses to help train you. You will not be alone at anytime while you are in training. Someone will always be with you to help and guide you. While you are at work you will be in uniform at all times. Your appearance must be close to perfection. This is a must. If you do stay over your work times for any reason, you must be suitably attired to maintain your appearance. If not in uniform then other clothing that suits this purpose. You will be caring for my twin daughters. Their physical age is 20. Their mental abilities are that of 2 years for most things less in others, and a little more for speech. You will be providing basic care including that for incontinence. They have frequent accidents. I must warn you again about their combativeness. If you make one of them mad, the other will become mad as well. Grace will give you more detailed instructions and all the information you will need."

As a postscript she added, "I hope and pray you decide to help us. All I can promise you is that you will be rewarded for your kindness and sacrifices. I know this will be a very hard decision for you to make. One thing I will promise you if you decide to accept this position. Your further education past high school will also be provided for." Then there was the signature.

I looked around the room and I had a million questions none of which I could put into words just then. Aunt Harriet said, "I know what you are thinking, Ricky, we set up a full length mirror in the kitchen. Why don't you come with us and we will show you something that might surprise you."

I raised my voice then, something I rarely ever do. I said, "WAIT! This is too much for me right now I need more time! I need to talk some more and really understand this. I may appear calm to you, but I am far from calm! I am really confused."

In a calmer tone I continued, "Please, let us start at the beginning and go over this again. Don't you realize what this is doing to me? What you and others have said about me? What all this really means? I have one real close friend and I will lose her, I know it! The Nelsons are the only other family that I can rely on for help and understanding. What will they think of me? No matter what you promise me, this will get out! People will find out what I really am and that is a boy. The reasons I might do this will not matter! I am considered a geek and mama's boy now! You see? The reasons don't matter to anyone else but us."

I wiped away some of the tears that were still falling from my eyes and down my cheeks. I looked at each one of them in the eyes deeply. I tried to read what they thought and felt. I noticed all three had tears as well. THEY KNEW what was being asked of me! But, did they truly understand the very high price I was going to have to pay? I didn't think so, because I didn't even really know! I had to really understand this and I hoped they had the answers.

I prayed to God silently and with all my heart and soul for His guidance and help. Funny how this thought just popped in my mind at that very nana-second! What popped into my head was this...

In truth God is not a he or a she. God is the perfection of both and more, all in one being. Man in his twisted wisdom decided to call God a He! Why? Because males ruled the world! Because males decided if they called God a She, the awesome power God has would be diminished in mankind's eyes. Could not mankind see the folly in this thinking?

Is the truth in reality to be a balance of both sexes? Being neither all male, nor all female? To find the balance each human being has within them, to be both sexes at one time? Is this what true equality is? To be truly equal in each other's eyes, we must be equal within our own selves first?

Thank you God, for your very quick response!

I looked up again and said, "I prayed for help and I got it! Let me tell you what I think the answer to my prayer is." So then I told them what just happened within my heart and mind. I felt very calm and even relieved! The stress melted away like fallen snow on a warm sunny morning. I felt at peace and was ready to discuss the sacrifices and the true price I must pay if I chose to do this thing. I already knew what the benefits would be. I added one more benefit. A better understanding of my true self and what I should be and what I could offer others.

I said, "To truly offer someone equality, you must first be equal within yourself."

I stood up then and headed to the kitchen. My mother, Mrs. Brown and Aunt Harriet just stood there following me with their eyes and their mouths open.

The women came into the kitchen a few minutes later. What they had talked about during that time I do not know. I was busy thanking God and pondering what was coming next. I noticed my mom went to the junk drawer and took out a pad and pen. She looked at me smiled, and with tears in her eyes, started writing. Aunt Harriet was wiping her eyes with one hand and held a suitcase in her other hand, she laid it on the table. Mrs. Brown came in last and asked me, "You sure, you are only sixteen Ricky?"

I did not know how to answer her, so I just nodded and said, "Yup."

She shook her head and looked at the other's saying, "We made the right decision." WHAT?

My mom was still busy writing whatever it was. My Aunt uncovered a full length mirror that she opened up which made it into three mirrors. Mrs. Brown came over to me and gave me a big strong hug! She even kissed me on the cheek! MY BOSS! GEEZ! My eyes got real big and she just laughed. Mrs. Brown said, "I have to go to my facility for a few minutes. I have a few things to pick up that I know we will need tonight." She told us she would be right back.

My mom and Harriet looked at her and my mom smiled saying, "Yes, we will need everything tonight!" Harriet then opened up the suitcase, but the insides of the top and bottom parts had covers so I could not see what was in it yet. My mother had stopped writing and came over to me and had me sit down.

She gave me a big hug and a kiss on my forehead. She then held both of my hands in hers, looked deeply in my eyes and said, "Any thoughts I had of doubting your ability and understanding of this are gone. The way you answered your own questions proved to all of us that we were right in believing in you. You showed you understood far more than we had expected and you taught us a valuable lesson as well. That real equality means to share more than we do now. We must share our thoughts and feelings to. I will no longer treat you as just my son. I will treat you as my daughter as well."

What? Now I was very surprised hearing that! How could she really treat me like her daughter? No way. She must mean within reason or with some limitations. I have seen what a mother does with their daughter. I have seen Barbara with her mother when they were talking about mother/daughter stuff. I have an idea of what private things they share with each other. I could just imagine what questions a daughter might ask and the answers a mother might give them. No, I think I know what she means.

"I should have realized this earlier. The bond you have with your sister is much more than just as a brother. You are much more than that to her and she knows it. You are a mother, father, brother and sister to her, all wrapped in one package. I have seen this many times, I just never realized what I was seeing until you said what you did." With that said, she hugged and kissed me again.

Aunt Harriet told me to stand up then, so I did. She told me to raise both my arms up in the air and I did that. My mom and her took a hold of my shirt and pulled it up and off of me. They then took hold of and removed my undershirt. My mother then held out my new robe and as I slid my arms in to the sleeves, she put it on me and left it open.

Aunt Harriet undid my belt and pulled my slacks down to my knees and told me to sit. She said, "We have to start from scratch to do this right. We were only going to show you with these clothes how comfortable they can be and with some well-done make up, how much of a girl your face would look like. After what you said and told us you believe we changed our minds. We are going to show you what you will look like as a teenaged girl." WHAT? Oh my God! I'm not ready for this. I thought they were just going show me what I looked like and try to convince me I COULD look like a girl! I figured they might try some make-up, but not to transform me into a girl tonight! OH GEEZE!

Now I started to think about what Mrs. Brown might be getting at her facility that she said we would need for tonight. It started to fall into place then. That is what they must have decided when they stayed in the living room for so long. What my mother and Harriet said and did after that. Okay, I understand now!

I looked into the mirror and laughed! I said to them, "You really have a lot of work to do to make over that thing," as I pointed to myself in the mirror "into a decent looking girl." I kept laughing softly and shaking my head.

I continued with describing the impossible task as I said to them, "I am just shy of six feet tall. How many teenage girls do you know that are six feet tall? I weigh one-hundred and forty-five pounds and it's not fat. My shape is that of a well-muscled boy, not as an in-shape girl. I don't have the hips or butt of a girl and my hands are wider and bigger than a girl's." I thought some more and added, "You women also have beautiful breasts that I lack as well."

My mom and Aunt both answered at the same time saying the same thing, "Are you through?" I HATE IT WHEN THEY DO THAT!

"Yes, and I suppose you have solutions?" I answered.

OF COURSE THEY DID! OH GEEZE!

As they continued to undress me Harriet started to chuckle and then so did my mom. This turned into real laughter and I stared at them real hard until they stopped. My mom apologized and said, "Honey, we are women don't you agree? We know what girls and boys look like and the differences between the two. There are also many differences within the genders as well. An example is when you are in the showers after gym class. Do the boys all look the same?"

She waited for my answer so I said, "No, there are big differences between them."

My mom continued, "It is the same with girls, Honey! We all develop at different speeds. Some of us develop more slowly than others and some much faster. You can't tell me you never noticed this at school?"

I answered her, "I noticed that, Mom, but I did not give it much thought before you just mentioned it."

My mom smiled and Harriet said, "Ricky, thank you for complimenting me on my breasts, but have you looked at yours closely?" WHAT? She can't be meaning...

I immediately looked at my breasts then and looked for some difference. My mom laughed and said to Harriet, "He didn't notice his lack of an Adams apple why do you think he would notice his breasts?" WHAT?

Now this was getting too much! I didn't notice anything different about my breasts! They sure didn't look like teenage girl’s breasts and were a far cry different than theirs! Of course I had never seen their breasts uncovered. I had seen them both in bras and panties before. I had never seen them nude. I must explain this I guess huh?

Okay, when we go out together to do something like to an amusement park or for an all day outing, we have a plan of attack. We use the seven P's. Remember them? It is much easier to shower and put on our underwear and robes to get everything together before we get completely dressed. This way, we will look clean and fresh in our clothes when we leave. No wrinkles or accidental spills or stains.

The two little ones are put into diapers and dressed. Terry always wears a cute party dress with her crinolines (petticoats). Her diapers don't show that way and she doesn't mind them if we dress her this way. She loves her party dresses with petticoats! (No diapers, no crinolines!)

Jerry is mentally handicapped and needs them for all day outings. We dress him in his favorite baggy overalls, which have his favorite cartoon characters on patches. We feed them make the picnic stuff and then we get dressed and pack the station wagon. Well, sometimes it's real hot! So we don't wear our robes. (My Aunt Harriet practically lives at our house.) Simple! Okay?

So I am still looking down at my chest and Harriet says, "Look at your nipples, Honey. What do you see?"

I did and saw nipples, so? "What?" I asked.

My mom then jumped in and asked me, "Ricky, a few months ago you came to me after you took a shower and told me your chest was sore, remember?"

I said, "Yes, but that was my chest not just my nipples."

She looked at me and added, "Honey, what size were your nipples then?" Oh GEEZE!!!!!!

They were smaller! I remember now! My nipples really don't stick out that much, but they are bigger around than they were! Crap and double CRAP! I looked at them both back and forth several times with what must have been utter terror etched on my face. I asked them both at once, "Am I developing women's breasts?" OH NO!!!

Harriet jumped in and said, "No dear, you will not develop women's breasts! Remember your mom had me take you to Doctor Purnell the next day?"

I remembered. "She took a lot of blood for tests remember? She also gave you a thorough and complete physical, which I remember you didn't like too much." She chuckled then.

My mom jumped in at this point and said, "The results of those tests and the physical showed you have a higher amount of estrogen in your system than most boys. Not enough to make you a girl, but more than enough to set you apart from most boys. You see, your testicles produce enough testosterone, which is the male hormone, to balance them both out. There are other things about your body you have not noticed either. What you believe you see is not really true."

What? Oh no, now this is getting to be a little too much!

Just then someone rang the doorbell. This time nobody was going to be "saved by the bell."

It was Mrs. Brown. My mom hollered to her, "In here Grace, we are telling him about the results of all the tests and were just about to tell him what was found during the physical." The physical; what about the physical?

While my mother was talking Grace walked in and she was carrying a large cloth bag with a shoulder strap, like a duffle bag, but nicer looking. She also was carrying a large book. Mrs. Brown said, "Great, I have everything else we needed right here. I also found a book that will show Ricky what we mean and what he can expect in the future." Well that was good news to me! Some answers with proof in pictures!

Now picture this, I was down to just wearing the panties and open robe by now. They have removed everything else and I did not even notice I was so intent on the new information I was being fed. I sat down looking at them, one to the other, back and forth, trying to put all of this new information in order and trying to accept it. It seems there is still a war going on inside me between my male and female halves! Especially in my head! I kept asking myself the same question. What am I?

My mom hollered at me then. She said, "RICKY!" real loud and I came back to earth and looked at her. She continued, "Now that you are with us again I wanted you to hear about what was found during your physical. This is also why we thought you could do this change. Marjorie (Dr. Purnell) found more than a few differences with you."

---*---

Now the ladies were doing things and talking while I was lost in thought, big time! DEEP THOUGHT! I was not aware of anything that was going on around me other than some movement and unrecognizable sounds.

I went over it all again to gain perspective and hopefully retain my sanity. I admitted to myself that I was different than most boys. Okay, I can deal with that. I am enough of a boy with my own production of testosterone to keep me, at least while covered, looking like one.

I do not look like a girl or so I thought before the latest news! At least I do not look like a teenage girl! What do I have that is different? I have no Adams apple, like girls. Okay, I have larger nipples than boys, but I do not have breasts like teenage girls.

Okay, without thinking I walked up to the mirrors and shrugged off my robe. I really looked at myself from head to toe then. I mean I really looked at myself! I started with my hair. I took out the ponytail and fluffed out my hair. Damn!

Then I took in my face. I looked at my nose and then my cheeks and my chin. No hair growing on my face like the other boys my age. Not even peach fuzz! I looked at my lips they were full and looked soft. I smiled at my reflection and looked at my teeth white and straight. I looked into my own eyes, hazel eyes. They held my own gaze. Changing colors flashed within them. I looked at my lashes, full and long curving upward and the lower lashes curling down.

I looked at my neck, slim, muscled and smooth. I looked at my shoulders sleek, muscled when tensed but smooth when relaxed. I looked at my chest and saw large pink nipples slightly raised from my breasts. I looked at my breasts they were tight and firm. I reached up and touched them feeling the muscles underneath hard and un-yielding. I touched my nipples and saw them stiffen, harden and push themselves outward toward my touch. Oh, so sensitive, I felt my own fingers causing sensations radiate inward and down. I then looked at my stomach trim, tight and the muscles clearly outlined against my skin. Ribs outlined my abdomen, clearly seen and hard.

I looked at my waist drawn tight separating my hips. I looked at my hips, clearly wider than my waist. I turned to view my buttocks. I pulled down the panties and looked hard at them. They were full and round, but tight and firm. I tightened them and saw the muscles bulge and show themselves.

I turned again and looked at my sex. A slight fuzz of hair growing above what I hoped was an average sized penis soft and flaccid. My scrotum is tight, smooth and soft no hair growing there either. I looked at my legs smooth with a slight fuzz of hair growing in spots here and there. I tightened them and saw the muscles show themselves clearly. I looked at my feet and toes size 8 regular. I saw what I saw and I acknowledged my differences.

I now knew what I was. Within and without I was me! To hell with all the rest! This is what I am! My true self is what lies within and without as one not separate and apart, but together as a whole!

I looked around in the mirrors and slowly became aware of three people looking at me closely. They were sitting at the kitchen table and smiling.

I smiled back and said, "This is me. This is what I am." No shame, no embarrassment, this is who I am. I turned to face them, my back towards the mirrors. I said, "I understand now, this is just a part of the whole. What I do with the outside must match what I do from the inside. I am neither a boy nor a girl, but some of both. They must be equal in my own eyes, body, soul and mind."

My mom slipped my robe back on me and tied the sash. She then hugged me and kissed me, a mother's loving kiss on my lips. Harriet and Grace did the same. I felt whole and complete in a way.

I still lacked much needed knowledge of what it is like growing up as a girl. It was something I never knew or experienced. I had grown up different, more boy than girl. I still needed to know, I never had been a daughter or sister. I needed to know what they knew and felt. As much as I could I had to experience what they experienced. Half of me was ignorant to the ways of life. I needed to be whole in mind as well as body. I HAD TO KNOW! I HAD TO EXPERIENCE! I HAD TO LEARN!

---*---

Mrs. Brown laid the book on the table and opened the duffle. She took out two boxes and laid them on the table. She continued emptying the duffle sorting as she went. There were bottles and more boxes of various sizes, mostly small ones. There were bags and tubes of creams.

Then I saw her take out some medical supplies. A medical kit of some kind, needles and a couple of those bottles you see nurses draw medicine into a syringe from. There was an ice bag, tape and several small packages that said sutures on them. I hoped they were not planning on anything drastic here! The site of those particular items started to panic me.

Grace saw my expression and said right away to me, "Don't worry Ricky!" She chuckled. "This is all part of a few kits I have brought. We will only be using a few items from each. I promise you that we will be doing nothing that cannot be removed or changed back by morning." She laughed then as I relaxed.

My mother was writing again and looking up smiling, now and then. Aunt Harriet had taken the covers off of the case she had brought and I could now see that it contained a dizzying array of different kinds of make-up and other items. I did not dare ask her what those other items were used for.

I looked over at Grace and she was putting on a white plastic apron that covered her from the neck to her ankles and wrapped completely around her body. She looked at me and said, "I don't want to have to wear this for long Ricky, it traps the body heat and gets very uncomfortable to wear after a short time. What we have to do is remove your body hair. We will use this cream to do that. We have to spread it thickly all over your skin and leave it on for about ten minutes. This other tube is an ointment. We spread this on the parts of your skin we don't want the other cream to reach. If we don't do this step you will burn in places you don't want to hurt ok?"

I told her I understood and it was ok. She then asked me to go with her to the full bath. I did. Harriet and my mom came with us each was carrying a box and a bottle of something.

We entered the full bath and Grace asked me to remove my robe and I did. My mom took it from me. Grace had put on some gloves and so did Harriet. Harriet had the ointment and spread some on both of my nipples and then my male parts. She then covered my anal area and between my legs.

I have to admit the feelings were intense and something grew to the occasion! The women chuckled and Grace told me it was a natural reaction and not to worry. For some reason I was not worried or embarrassed at all. I figured my lack of embarrassment was due to the fact that I had nothing left to hide. They had seen and heard all from me by now. I trusted them! I loved them, yes, Grace as well.

When Harriet had finished, Grace started to put a thick coating of the cream everywhere. She started at my ankles and started working upwards. My mother took a brush and while brushing my hair started pinning it up using Bobbie Pins. She took the blue shower cap and fixed it over my hair when she finished.

Grace was very careful when she reached my hip area and covered my buttocks. She asked Harriet to cover the small area of pubic hair I had with ointment. Harriet smiled and did just that. She was extra careful and it felt like she had drawn something. Grace continued spreading the cream all over me. My back and shoulders. She had me raise my arms and put the cream under my arms as well. They were done.

I had to stand there like that for six more minutes! I started to feel warm and the smell was not a pleasant one! I started to feel hot and the smell did not get any better! I got very hot! I felt like my skin was burning. The areas not covered by the cream were cool in a dramatic contrast. I could really feel the different areas!

Finally, Grace helped me to stand in the tub while she turned on the hand-held shower nozzle. She tested the water and then took a cloth in her other hand. My mom took it from her and told her to just do the rinsing. Harriet was holding a big fluffy towel. Grace started rinsing me with a soft spray. My mom wiped the cloth over my body that Grace was rinsing. They started at my ankles and worked up. The spots of hair I did have disappeared with each gentle caress of the cloth and the soft spray of the tepid water.

Soon all the cream was gone and my mom changed to a different cloth. This one was even softer than the last. Grace tested the water again and I could tell it was much warmer. She started to rinse my nipples and my mother gently washed off the ointment. OH MY! What sensations! LORDY! My whole body started to quiver! By the time both my nipples were cleaned of the ointment I was a quivering mess!

My mom told me she knew how good that had felt. Harriet and Grace just smiled and Harriet said to me, "Now you know how it feels when a girl has her nipples caressed. Boys do not have any where near the sensation with their nipples as we do."

I was now very happy to have girl's nipples as part of my body! WOW! My mom kept gently caressing and Grace kept softly rinsing. I was in a special place. A place I had never been before! I was lost in the sensations, and feelings that took me to new heights. The area they were now rinsing and caressing was too much for me to take! I quivered and moaned I almost fell to my knees. I felt the sensations building from my nipples to my toes and back between my legs and, and, and...!

I had to hold on to something and quickly! Harriet grabbed my arms as I reached the height of sensation. I was on overload, my whole body trembling, my knees buckling. My nipples got so tight and hard they shot sparks to every part of my body! My bottom tightened, my scrotum squeezed tightly and my whole body was one big spasm, again and again until I felt a release that was too incredible to ever be able to put into words! It felt as if my penis had just burst as well. I fell against Harriet and just rested against her until my breathing came back to normal. I knew what masturbation felt like, I had enough experience with the one-handed bandit, but this was far and above anything I had ever experienced before!

All three women looked at me with big smiles on their faces and my mom said to me, "Someone all boy could never experience what you just did Ricky."

Harriet laughed and hugged me real tight saying, "You better not get addicted to that, you could end up hurting yourself." All of us laughed at that.

Grace was smiling and told me, "Being both has its advantages and disadvantages, Ricky. This was one of the advantages. We will tell you and show you about everything we can, but you must remember to always stay in control when you can. If not you could easily find yourself in some kind of trouble."

With that said Harriet started patting me dry. My mom said to me, "Honey, you should always pat yourself dry from now on. If you rub you will injure your skin. It is softer now and you need to be gentler with your skin." They helped me from the shower and as Grace removed the apron, my mom and Harriet spread body lotion all over me. It felt cool and very soothing.

Harriet said to me, "Honey, from now on whenever you get out of the bath or shower make sure you massage lotion into your skin everywhere you can comfortably reach. It helps keep it moist and smooth. If you forget it can dry out quickly and that feels real uncomfortable and can drive you crazy."

Grace said, "It is much too steamy in here; let's go back to the kitchen to finish, okay?" We all agreed and my mom helped me back into my robe. We went back down to the kitchen. I was glad the little ones did not wake up! What had just happened would have been very difficult to explain.

Grace picked up the book she had laid on the table and found what she was looking for. She showed me the page and said, "Ricky, your first additions will be breasts. You see in these pictures the different types of prosthetics that are being used today. These are used for women who have had one or more breasts removed due to cancer or other diseases and injuries. They are also used for younger girls and women that have not developed for different reasons."

My mom and Harriet each opened a box and showed me that each box held one of these breasts. They were a solid flesh color and in the center of each was the shape of a nipple. My mom handed the one she held to Grace and she handed it to me. It was heavy and felt squishy but firm. Grace said, "You can either just slip them into your bra or you can attach them to your skin using a special adhesive that we have right here."

She showed me a bottle of adhesive. It looked thick. "I highly recommend you use the adhesive. That way they will look natural and you won't ever have to worry about them shifting or falling out at the wrong time. The adhesive can be removed easily enough using this solution here." She showed me another bottle.

Grace continued, "You can leave these breasts attached to your skin for up to a week or more, but I recommend you remove them as soon as you can when you do not need to wear them. The adhesive contains a certain amount of estrogen and that is not good for you. It will make your nipples and breasts grow bigger over time. So, only wear them using the adhesive for a day or two, never longer than that if you can help it. Ricky, I have a very good friend who makes these for individuals that want a better quality and a custom fit to their bodies. If you accept the position offered you by Betty, we can have some very nice and very realistic ones made just for you. Try these first for awhile and see what they are like."

My mom spoke up then and opened another package. She held up a bra and said, "Honey, this is a well padded bra. You can wear this when you aren't wearing the breast forms."

I said, "I am standing here in just a robe and it is getting late and I am very tired. Can this wait until morning? I fear I won't be able to concentrate and learn what to do and when if this takes much longer."

They all chuckled then and Grace said, "I bet you are tired. We want you to experience some of this tonight and we will get you ready and continue the rest in the morning, okay?"

I said okay and Harriet spread a soft blanket across one end of the kitchen table. They had me remove my robe and lie on my back on the blanket. Grace took a marker, she called it a skin scribe, and made a few marks next to both of my breasts and then while Harriet and my mom spread adhesive on the insides of the breast forms Grace cleaned my breasts and nipples with a solution, patted them dry, and then she spread a thin coating of the adhesive on my breasts leaving my nipples free of the adhesive.

She took one of the forms and gently pressed and held it against me for about a minute and let go. She did the same with the other one. She took some of the adhesive remover and put it on a cotton ball and gently removed any excess adhesive not under the breast forms. She then told me to sit up. Oh Lord!

My mother said to me, "Honey, you are now the proud owner of nearly B-cup sized breasts."

I felt the weight! I felt them tugging on my skin underneath. They held their position, but when I moved they jiggled! I couldn't really feel it. I reached up and held them, they felt cool but I could not feel my touch on the breast forms. I had to press and move them to feel anything underneath. The color did not match my skin color and the contrast was really noticeable.

I looked up and to my great surprise Aunt Harriet had removed her blouse. She looked at me and smiled saying, "Your first lesson is how to put on your bra correctly."

My mom handed me a bra, and said, "We bought this for you after Grace called us with your sizes from Betty's shop." WHAT? That means they already expected me to get this far! They knew already what I was going to decide! I looked at my mom and before I could say anything she spoke up, "Honey, we did not know what you would decide, we just decided to be ready just in case you did." I hate it when they read your mind! The seven P's strike again!

I took the bra from her and I looked at Harriet. She looked at me and reached behind her back and unhooked her bra. She pulled it away from her and let her breasts fall free. They were very nice and a little bigger than my fake ones. She had brown nipples not pink. They were even bigger than mine. Her breasts were firm and her nipples I could see were hard and pointy like mine were in the shower. She smiled even bigger and said, "I can't keep calling you 'Ricky' when you look like you do, so you will be 'Honey' until you pick a girl's name, okay?"

Pick a girl's name for myself? That made sense, so I agreed.

Aunt Harriet came over, standing close and facing me she said, "Slip your arms into your bra like this and then hold it like this." I did just as she did. She continued, "Now lean forward a little so your breasts are just in the cups." I did as she did.

She then said while showing me how, "Hold the ends of your bra so you can feel the clasps on both ends." I did but it was awkward for me. She said, "Bring the two ends together and hook them." I tried but was having a lot of difficulty.

They all laughed at this and my mom said, "Honey, let me show you the easy way." She took my bra from me and looked at Harriet saying, "You would have to start with the hard way. Now show her the easy way."

HER? My mom referred to as her.

I caught that! I did not say anything though. I would be doing a lot of thinking if I stayed awake long enough! Harriet removed her bra again and showed me the easy way. Now this made a lot more sense and was a lot easier! She had turned the bra so the cups were to her back. She then fastened the clasps in the front and the pulled the cups back in front again. She put her arms in and pulled the bra up and over her breasts.

I did the same. My breasts were now firmly held in the cups. Grace came over to me and said we had to make a small adjustment. She showed me how to tighten the cups by adjusting these little slides on the straps. Yes, that was better.

It had gotten late by then and we all looked at each other and noticed everybody looked tired. My mom announced that Grace and Harriet would be sleeping over so we could get an early start in the morning. Thank you! I was very tired.

My mom looked at me and chuckled saying, "Haven't you forgotten something? Here put these on." She then handed me a pair of shiny blue panties. Once I had put them on she told me to raise my hands in the air and I did.

Harriet came up from behind me and slipped something soft and light over my hands and head. It slipped over my shoulders easily but got caught up on my breasts. I pulled it down and saw I was now wearing a sheer blue nightgown. It came down to just above my knees.

All three women said, "Welcome to girlhood, Honey!" They all gave me a hug and kissed me. Finally I was able to crawl into bed.

---*---

I walked out of the room with my mind in a place I have never experienced before. All the new information and physical sensations I experienced; had it really only been since that morning! Fourteen hours of one single day! Everything that happened that day swirling and twirling at light speed, each individual bit of information and sensation trying to be understood, acknowledged, and assimilated. Did it all happen in one single day? Was my life so out of balance since my birth?

I turned to look back into the kitchen and saw the three women settling down into chairs. The coffee maker made gurgling noises announcing the promise of fresh brewed energy. I had no energy! I felt drained and exhausted in mind and body. I saw one last glimpse of myself in the mirrors as I made the turn toward bed and much needed sleep. Was that reflection reality? NO! I'm dreaming! That's it! I am actually asleep in my bed and this was one long never-ending dream! I will wake up soon and life will be as it always has been! YES, that’s it!

I was looking back at the reflection in my dream when I turned and walked shoulder first, into the wall! OUCH! Oh no! This ‘IS’ reality! I looked at myself; I had breasts and was wearing a nightgown! I had on panties and when I felt my head I had a plastic cap covering it! My exhaustion evaporated in a nana-second. I knew then I would not sleep any that night!

At the thud sound when my shoulder had hit the wall, my mom came rushing toward me, concern written on her face. I looked at her and asked, "I'm not dreaming am I?"

My mother hugged me tight and said, "No, Honey, this is not a dream. Are you okay? You look lost."

I looked into her eyes deeply, trying to understand her words. I was lost somewhere in between two worlds. It seemed to me right then that there were two realities. One reality was outside and one lay within, each struggling to come together.

I had to find the key that would open the door that separated them from each other. The key I did not find deep within my mother's eyes. What I found deep within them was love, concern, compassion and something new I had never seen before. I saw oneness, a belonging and openness. I knew that she would not keep anything hidden from me as before. No secret thoughts or knowledge would be kept from me ever again. I knew I could ask her anything and she would tell me honestly and openly. With this new knowledge I had to know! I had to find that key!

I was awake, but not awake. I let her guide me back into the kitchen. I let her help me to sit in a chair. I must have been shaking because Grace came over and helped me into my robe.

She took my face in both her hands. Lifting until our eyes met, she smiled and said, "I have known you but a short time, but I know that look! I know what you are asking yourself just by looking into your eyes. Those beautiful hazel eyes tell your story in their flashes of color."

She chuckled then and said, "Did you know whenever you are thinking and deciding about something your eyes flash with color? They actually flash and change colors faster. Your pupils get larger like they are trying to see everything at the same time. Your eyes are our way of seeing your true self. I can tell you are lost deep within and it is time we do something about it." She chuckled again and caressed my face gently and very softly with her fingertips.

I heard my Aunt Harriet like she was away in the distance saying, "Yes! Her eyes, they do flash and her pupils are huge!" I realized then that Harriet was right next to me and she was looking in my eyes. She sounded so far away. I was so lost in my own self.

The fingers that were caressing me slowed and drifted to a stop. I reached and took hold of the hands so near my face and looked at them. So pretty, soft and delicate. The nails were dancing with a colored glossiness. They looked like they were made of Amethyst. I became aware of smells then. I could smell a hint of several perfumes mixed with the smell of fresh brewing coffee. I could smell chemicals so different than the others. I started to feel again, my physical body slowly joining my mind. I could feel the hands I was holding with my own. I slowly began to refocus on my surroundings. I focused from the seemingly bejeweled nails, to the hands, and then to the person.

She was smiling down at me with a knowing look. I desperately needed that look! Knowing! I had to know! All my questions streamed to the surface at light speed. It was as if they knew on their own that the answers would be found! I once again rejoined the here and now. I looked around me and smiled. I WOULD KNOW! All I had to do was ask. Not an easy thing to do at this moment though.

I first would have to organize the zillion questions screaming to be asked all at one time. I needed some order! I needed to ask the questions in such a way as to answer many by asking only a few. I needed some time. I needed time for the seven P's! That's it! I was back and thinking clearly once again. I looked at my mother and asked, "Could we have some of that great smelling coffee now?"

The mood in the room changed in an instant, from a mixture of concern and frightened urgency, to one of calm and certainty. I looked at each woman and saw relief and happiness, a purpose and a surety in their mannerisms. Grace sat in the chair closest to me, still letting me hold her hands.

I smiled and let her hands go free. I stretched then like a cat waking from slumber. From my toes upward, stretching each muscle as I slowly stood and then relaxed. The blood started flowing again. I could feel my heart pounding and my blood flowing through my veins. I was back! The coffee tasted so good! It seemed all my senses were heightened to their peak of awareness.

We were all sitting at the kitchen table, the women looking at me, waiting patiently for my first question. I took another sip of coffee and found the first key question to ask. I looked at my mother and asked her, "When did you know that I was really different from other boys?" I knew that the answer to this question would be the start of what to ask next.

My mother looked at me with an expression of openness, smiled and answered. "When you asked me to take you shopping so you could buy Terry a present, she had just turned five remember?"

Harriet jumped in, "I remember that Julia, you called me and we must have talked for hours that evening." She chuckled and continued with, "You were so surprised Ricky could go shopping in the girl's section without a second thought. That he had walked up to a saleslady and asked her help in finding certain things." She started laughing and continued with, "You told me he was so surprised the saleslady asked you if she was serious!" She really started laughing then! She couldn't talk anymore.

My mother looked at Grace and told her, "Terry just turned five and was starting school. She had confided in Ricky that she was afraid all the kids would laugh at her because she had to wear diapers. Ricky had told her that if she could use her potty chair and not wet her diapers during the day he would get her a wonderful surprise. A surprise so wonderful she would never have to wear diapers during the day anymore. He had told her if she had to go pee-pee to come and get him and he would take her diapers off so she could use her potty chair. Well, she did more than that!"

My mother really chuckled then and when she was through she continued, "Terry always wore dresses and she asked Ricky to take her diaper off so she could use the potty chair. Well, it took a little while to get her plastic panties off and get the diapers unpinned. She started to tinkle before she got to the chair, but she made it. When she was done she was so happy! While Ricky was washing her she asked him not to put her diapers back on. It seems she had realized it took too long to get them off. She wanted to be able to use her potty chair on her own."

My mother and Harriet laughed and Grace asked me what I had decided. I answered, "Well, all she had was diapers and no panties. She would only wear dresses, so I figured why not. It would save her time and give her the confidence she needed. It would also let her go by herself without needing anyone else. My only problem was when we had to go anywhere." I chuckled then and told Grace how I had to convince her to wear her diapers when we went outside. "You can't have a five year old girl wandering around outside with a bare bottom."

My mother continued the story. "Well, Terry from that time on never wet herself while she was in the house during the day again! So Ricky had to get her the surprise he promised her."

Grace said, "Okay, but what about the saleslady?"

Harriet just had to finish the story so she jumped in again, "Julia told the saleslady that she should do whatever Ricky asked of her. Well, that poor saleslady was embarrassed, not Ricky!" They all laughed and I joined in.

Grace then asked me what I had bought Terry. Boy do I remember that! I answered, "Terry loves frills, but I also knew she would need training pants because of the dribbles. I asked the saleslady where the frilliest little girl's panties were and if they had thick training pants for little girls as well. They did have them so I picked out ten pairs of real frilly panties, five her size and five more that would fit over the training pants. I bought her five pairs of the thickest training pants they had. That saleslady made me real mad once I had got everything I wanted though."

My mother and Harriet started laughing real hard then, and Grace gave me the look that means I had better explain so I did.

"Well, when I got to the register to pay for them that lady asked me if I was sure I got the right size. She said they looked too small to fit me!" Now everybody was laughing. I wasn't. I did not think it was funny at all!

I continued to help redeem myself. "I told her they were for my little sister and not for me!" I stopped at that and looked at Grace who was still laughing.

My Aunt just could not let it rest and said, "You didn't finish the story Ricky." She looked at Grace and continued while my mom looked at me laughing and nodding her head yes, that this part would answer my original question. I was not going to finish the story. I had understood the answer without having to continue.

Grace looked at me and said, "You have to finish it! TELL ME!"

So I did. "The saleslady after I had told her they were for my little sister didn't stop talking. She told me it was so nice of me to buy my sister such pretty things and even though I was a Tomboy and since I was a big girl now, I should start dressing like one! I told her I was not a girl, I was a boy and she didn't believe me! She had to ask my mom!" They were all laughing now! OH GEEZE!!!

Grace stopped laughing first and said to me, "Ricky, I know why she didn't believe you. Your longer hair and you have no Adams apple. That is the first thing that stands out on a boy, the Adams apple, that and one other thing." They all started laughing again when she said that! Oh GEEZ!

So now I knew it was only a little more than year ago that my mother thought me any different than any other boy. So now for my second question, "Mom, how did you decide that I needed to know about being different?"

My mother paused for a second thinking. She knew, she just wanted to word it right. BUT!

Aunt Harriet always had to be the one to seize the moment when a good story can be told started, "I know, remember Halloween, Julia?" OH GEEZE! I remembered! Now I knew that I was set up again! "It was like this Grace; Julia had called me about a plan she had to see if Ricky was one of those boys that could be both a boy and a girl. You see he has a real hard time making friends with boys his own age, they always wanted him to do stupid things he was not interested in doing. They also wanted him to just hang out and he hated that. Add to that he is always in great physical shape but didn't partake in any sports. He always put his family duties above everything else. So the boys just shunned him and started calling him names like mama's boy and things like that. The lack of free time always hurt his social life until some of the girls started coming over."

My mom added, "YES! I was surprised, one day they just started showing up to hang around with Ricky and even helped him with the little ones and the housework! When they were here I noticed he fit in without even trying. I mean it was a natural part of him to just act like they did. It seemed like an automatic reaction on his part. Halloween was coming up in a couple of weeks and he always took Terry Trick or Treating and to our neighbors' house after because they always had a party for the little kids in the neighborhood. He would complement her costume by being part of what she was. If she were a princess he would be a prince. This year I asked Terry what she wanted to be and she picked the Fairy Godmother from Cinderella. Ricky couldn't really think of anything he could be to compliment her choice and left it up to me. I knew I had to get some good measurements and told him I was renting the costumes this year. I even measured his head for a wig, but he thought it was for a hat. I did not tell him otherwise."

My mom chuckled and continued, "I planned it so I brought the costumes home with just enough time for them to get ready and go out." I was shocked that she would have done this on purpose to me. She deceived me into thinking it was a mistake by the costume shop and I could not let Terry down, she would have cried for days. So I was stuck, everybody HAD to be in costume for the party after. No exceptions and Terry had to be at that party. My mom would not be home. She was tacking Jerry to Harriet's.

"The costume I had rented for him was Cinderella. I had put the costumes in one big box and had Ricky carry it into Terry's room. Terry was so excited and I had her costume on top. I pulled everything of her costume out and told Ricky just to bring the box with his costume into his room and start getting ready. I started getting Terry dressed when I heard Ricky holler out ‘MOM!’ I told Him I would be finished in a few minutes with Terry and to just start getting ready and we were running late. Ricky hollered again saying ‘MOM! THEY MADE A BIG MISTAKE!’ I finished getting Terry ready and went into Ricky's room. He was just standing there in his briefs looking at what he had spread out on his bed. I faked being very shocked and then started the 'what a shame this happened' and 'Terry would be so disappointed and heart broken' ploy. I knew he would never let his sister down. He could never hurt her. I knew this even though he didn't."

They all chuckled at this and Aunt Harriet jumped in again. "That was when I showed up. I saw Terry looking so cute and I asked her where Ricky was. She looked worried and said he was in his room with mommy. I asked her, what the matter was because she looked sad. She told me that Ricky had hollered there was a mistake with his costume. I told her I would find out and not to worry. I asked her if Ricky had ever let her down and she said no and smiled. I went up the stairs and walked in Ricky's room and said Terry is downstairs and she is almost in tears. She doesn't think Ricky is going to take her tonight. What's wrong? The look on Ricky's face told the whole story! If I could have taken a picture right then! He looked at me then Julia, and said ‘I don't know how to dress like this!’ That is when I told him I would help him and sent Julia down to cheer up Terry."

I jumped in then and said, "To make a long story short, she helped me alright. With make up and everything. The stupid costume even came with a damn petticoat! I took Terry out and thank the powers above nobody recognized me until the party.

My mom and Harriet both said at the same time, "Oh, yes, they did!" OH GEEZE! I hate when they do that!

I jumped in before they could add any more and told Grace, "At the party it became very difficult for me at first. Everybody knew who I was, when they saw Terry and me holding her hand. Barbara and her mother made a big thing out of it and I swear I was going to die right their! Not only did they make us both pose for pictures, but some of the other mothers took our picture as well. I really did just want to die then! Terry was in heaven though and she just kept hugging me and telling me as she put it, 'The best-est brother in the whole world.' Barbara just wouldn't leave me alone either. I had to pose with her and she was dressed as a pirate! Then the other mothers had to gush over me! It was one of the worst nights of my life! I was very glad when it was over, but then Barbara and her mother asked Terry and me to stay for a little while and help clean up. We did and all Terry did was run around playing. Mrs. Nelson even put an apron on me. She said, 'to protect my pretty costume from getting dirty.' We were just about done when she came in with her camera flashing again! I was finally able to get Terry and go home to change."

My mother had a photo album in her hands and handed it to Grace. Oh Geeze, yes, there were the pictures! Wow, did I really look like that?

Now it was time for another cup of coffee and my next question. We all refilled our coffee cups and sat down again. I was just about to ask my third question when my mom said, "Ricky, I want to answer your second question fully. When I saw you acting just like the girls were when you were with them, it was then I decided you had to experience at least a little of what they experienced everyday of their lives. I was right! Rita, (Barbara's mother, Mrs. Nelson) called me that night when I got home and told me everything. She said when you were alone with Barbara you acted just like a young lady. It was only when you were with all the other people at the party that you acted nervous. But, even then you acted more like a young lady than a boy in a dress. She even told me that several of the mothers did not believe you were a boy at all and believed she set this up as a joke for the party. Those women left, still thinking you were the perfect young lady."

THANK YOU MOM! Well, it was now time for me to ask my third and I made it a multi-part question.

I looked at each of them to get some seriousness back in the conversation and had to ask Grace to put the album away. She did and I asked my third multi part question. "You do realize I have to remove all this before it's time for the little ones to get up. I won't have my little sister and brother waking up and seeing me like this. So, this is my question. If you have planned this as you have told me for a month or more and are determined I go through with this and I believe you do. How in the world am I going to be training as an androgynous male at Mrs. Brown's facility and then turn into a teenage girl to go to Betty's? All this and keep my sanity? Where am I going to stay? What am I and you going to tell everybody we know including our relatives when they see me as a teenaged girl? You know it is unavoidable that at sometime it will get out and I will be found out." I sat quietly and awaited the answers to my multiple fired questions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

"Cherish is the word..." - T.Kirkman/The Association

A Life Ever Changing #6
Cherish

By Angel O'Hare

...Mrs. Brown informed me that she had made an appointment for the both of us, but that we should eat first. I asked her what kind of an appointment and all she would say was that it was a surprise. (Oh no! But, I was getting to eat!) She then took out a small hairbrush from her purse and handed it to me...

She told me to pull down the window visor. I did and saw a mirror! Cool! I brushed my hair back to its normal state and handed her the brush back. She told me to put it back in her purse so I did. She just looked at me for a moment and I realized, oops, ah, thank you Mrs. Brown for the use of your brush. She smiled and said your welcome Ricky.

Mrs. Brown informed me that we were going to one of her favorite places to dine. I was to mind my manners and if I had a question about anything to ask her in a low soft voice, and to never use a loud tone of voice. I should consider using quieter and softer tones of voice for all my interactions with others. It is the proper way to talk with people. She went on to inform me that my voice was too loud at Betty's store and to use only enough volume to be heard comfortably. That was why every time I spoke, others in the store looked at me. (I bet! That was not the only reason I am sure!)

We pulled up to this nice looking place and Mrs. Brown stopped the car, but left the engine running. A uniformed man came and opened her door; she stepped out and gave him something. (I don't know, but I think it was money.)

I got out then and waited for her. We walked up to the entrance and she waited while another man opened the door for us. We went inside and WOW! What a place, fancy! Another man dressed very nicely was standing behind a small podium type desk. He greeted Mrs. Brown by name and told her that her table for two was ready. (When had she made this reservation? Something did not seem right to me and I started to try and go over the events of the day.)

I followed Mrs. Brown and tried to think. (Not a smart thing to do.) I almost ran into a table I was thinking so hard and the looks I received from them both almost stopped my heart! I apologized and we were then seated. Now I got a shock! The man took the cloth napkin from my place setting and put it on my lap! I jumped and Mrs. Brown chuckled! The man just looked at me with a smile and said.
"Your first time dining with us young sir?

Red again! "Um, yes, sir it is," I answered. He chuckled and waved to a young uniformed lady and told Mrs. Brown that he hoped she would enjoy her meal. He then left patting me on my shoulder as he went by.

Ok, where was the menu? I know I should have a menu somewhere nearby. NOPE! One menu and Mrs. Brown had it. The young lady walked up and asked Mrs. Brown if we would like to start with liquid refreshment. Mrs. Brown said "Thank you, Gloria. I believe Ricky and I will start with an iced tea." (I don't like iced tea!) I knew better than to mention this so I just smiled. (I am learning!)

Gloria left to get our teas and Mrs. Brown informed me that she would be ordering our food. She said that I would not understand the menu. Gloria came back with our tea and paused. Mrs. Brown told her we would have something light and that we both would have the chef's salad. (RABBIT FOOD!) Ok, I smiled, and Mrs. Brown nodded to Gloria and off she went.

"One thing that you will learn a lot about, Ricky, is diet and nutrition," Mrs. Brown said. "It is very important especially for a young and growing boy like you. You look healthy enough, but I bet your eating habits need a lot of work." She told me to look at the silverware and then asked me which fork I would use for my salad. What? She chuckled and told me to watch what she did closely. Ok.

I looked at her and while I did, I made the stupid mistake of putting my elbow on the table and started to rest my head on my hand. OOPS! The look I received was enough! She told me to always keep one hand on my lap unless I was going to use a knife to cut with. Ok.

Next, Mrs. Brown asked me when was the last time I had gotten my hair at least trimmed. She put the emphasis on the "at least" part. I told her that it had been awhile and she just smiled and nodded. (Ok, I now knew what the surprise was!)

Thank goodness, Gloria was back with our salads! Ok, where was the salad dressing? I wanted to drown this rabbit food with Italian, but, the dressing now on the salad was something clear and oily. Ok. What is in this salad? Ok, I will just watch her and do what she does... That is exactly what I did and I got through the salad with only 2 comments. "Smaller bites, Ricky," and, "Chew your salad more before you swallow." Ok.

Thank the Lord that was over! NOPE! After dining, we had hot tea. BLACK, YUCK! Conversation turned to my personal life. Oh, no!

We talked (She asked questions and I talked really.) In a "soft voice,” I must add. The topic; MY HYGIENE AND MY APPEARANCE! How I took care of my self.

First, she asked me how often I bathed! I told her every morning, but not always on Saturdays. She shook her head in the negative with that answer. "How about your hair?" she asked.

"What about my hair?" I answered.

"How often do you shampoo and condition your hair?"

"I shampoo it every time I shower. Condition, what's that?"

Mrs. Brown gave another negative shake of the head. She asked to see my hands then. (What? Why?) Ok, I showed her my hands and she examined each of them closely. Mrs. Brown gave another negative shake of the head. (I was getting nervous again!) She asked me if I ever took a soaking bath.

“A bath, like lay in a tub of hot water forever?" I answered.

She laughed at that and I started to feel better again. She asked me about hobbies and I had to tell her I read a lot. I read to my brother and sister especially to my brother because he could not read yet. I told her I exercised and used different things as weights. She gave me one of those questioning looks so I added that I used a 5-pound bag of sugar wrapped in a scarf as hand and leg weights. I also used water filled gallon milk jugs. I had a backpack my father had left me which I stuffed with stones and then did push ups and other exercise's with. I also took my brother and sister on walks and I wore the pack then as well. She looked impressed! COOL!

She then asked me how I helped my mother out at home. Well, the list was long and my mother had taught me many things so I could help my brother, sister, and her. I added that I could take care of myself as well. She pressed me for particulars so I had to get specific. She then motioned to Gloria for more tea for us both, (YUCK!) then she looked at her watch. She smiled and said we had time, so on it went.

I cooked, and not just easy stuff either; I knew how to cook well. I prepared and cooked full meals and even cooked the holiday meals. I hardly ever used instant anything, knew my spices and helped with the food shopping and menu planning. I kept the house clean, vacuumed, dusted, washed the floors and windows as well as all the mirrors. I did the laundry, which included knowing how to sort the clothes by color and the temperatures used for each. What needed to be hand washed, dry-cleaned and when and what to use bleach with. I also know when and with what to add the fabric softener. I added that my mother often worked 12-hour days so it was up to me to make sure she could come home and relax with the family. I always had dinner waiting for her when she got home, even when it was late at night. She deserved no less!

Mrs. Brown looked surprised and impressed with me. (WHAT, impressed with me?) Did I score some good points here? COOL!

She looked at her watch again then at me and asked, "You take care of your brother and sister, how do you do that?"

Oh boy! Ok, in a soft voice, almost a whisper I began the day-to-day care of my siblings. I explained that my brother's mental handicapped and how he was more like a three year old than his true age. So I took care of him as such. Playtime was what a three year old would enjoy; lots of playtime, as often as I could manage it. I shared my room with my little brother so I was able to help him a lot.

Then there was Mrs. Smith who gave me things to help with his education and development. She helped me a lot as well by taking care of and teaching my brother during the week while I was at school.

Mrs. Brown smiled and then asked about caring for my little sister. Ok, My sister was like any other little girl who liked to play with dolls and make believe she was a mommy by trying to help with dishes and cleaning and baby care. I laughed "softly" and added she made my cleaning chores harder most of the time.

Mrs. Brown asked me about her handicap and I was lost for a second and then realized she was talking about her medical problem. I must have turned red again because Mrs. Brown reminded me she was a nurse while chuckling.

I nodded and told her that my sister was born with something wrong with her bladder and that she had had an operation. The only real problem was when she went to bed for the night and the results from that in the morning. Other than that, she mostly was fine during the day unless her teacher or someone else prevented her from reaching a bathroom in time. That was why she still wore training pants to school.

Once she was home, she could wear regular underwear. I chuckled at that and told Mrs. Brown that it was her favorite time of the day to come home and change into her "REAL PANTIES" as she always exclaimed to me as she ran into her room every afternoon. When she had had an accident at school, which was rare she would come home very quietly and tell me she needed to take a bubble bath. I always treated her to a fun bubble bath after the rare accident. She loved all the bubbles and smelling like flowers. She was always happy after one. If I just had her wash up, she was gloomy the rest of the afternoon.

I also made preparing for bed a fun time as well. I made a big thing about both of them choosing a story for me to read, and let them pick out what they wanted to wear to bed.

Mrs. Brown then asked me about the diapering. Ok, well I remember when I was four and in the hospital. My mother told me I had a serious problem with my glands back then and was in the hospital often. I was potty trained already, but the nurses kept me in diapers and in bed at all times. I had IVs in at least one arm most of the time. I remembered how some of the nurses were kind and friendly while others liked to make fun of me, and talk to me as if I was a baby. I hated that!

So I was extra careful with my little sister. I had her help me as much as possible. I explained what the baby oil and diaper rash cream were for and why we had to use them. I explained to her why we had to use several diapers and how to fold the inner ones and how to pin the outer ones correctly.

I told Mrs. Brown how I had made cloth diapers for my sister's dolls and she picked one each night to diaper and bring to bed with her. She liked that a lot! So now, she prepared everything for me to use before I came to her room. She would have the diapers prepared and the pins and plastic pants right there in easy reach. She handed me the oil and cream when I needed them. Then as I went to wash my hands, she would get the book she wanted me to read from that night. We made it a fun time not a chore or something to be embarrassed about; it was cool. Mrs. Brown looked impressed with me again! COOL!

Mrs. Brown then surprised me by saying, "Ricky, you are much more mature for your age than most young boys are. Your decision to enter the health care field is perfect for someone like you." (What does that mean?) "You have a rare quality in a boy. You put others first and really care about them. You show compassion and have tolerance, but most of all you care from your heart and give of yourself."

WOW! I never, ever have been talked about like that before. Was she really talking about me? ME, the kid who had no friends, but a neighbor's daughter who liked me, the kid who lived mostly secluded at home whose big adventure was to take his siblings for walks? Homework was a cool thing to have to do! Reading books, listening to the radio and playing his recorder was entertainment. RARE? Ok, if she said so. I had nothing really to compare this. The other kids at school all thought I was a momma's boy for doing what had to be done. So who were they to judge anything? She had made me feel good about myself! Maybe I wasn't such a dumb, weird geek after all.

Mrs. Brown looked at her watch again and asked me to come over and help her from her seat. What? Ok, so I got up and went over to her and she whispered that I was to pull her chair back as she got up. Ok. I can do that. She left a small pile of money on a little tray that Gloria must have put there that I did not notice. Mrs. Brown then asked me if I was ready for my surprise. OH GEEZE!

So now it really starts on a big way my life begins to change!

Angel

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"I wanna hold your hand, I wanna hold your hand..." -- The Beatles

By

"Tie a yellow ribbon 'round the old oak tree..." -- Irwin Levine and L. Russel Brown/Tony Orlando and Dawn

A Life Ever Changing #8

...Mrs. Brown then asked me if I was ready to go home? I said yes, and she told me my mother was waiting for us. Oh boy, I just knew what was going to happen then!...

We continued to converse about varied topics each of which ended with her asking my opinion or how I felt about this and that. I must admit I was at a loss to give an educated reply to most of her chosen topics. I must have done the right thing by not making something up or using other people's opinions as my own. She ended the inquisition by informing me that I had a lot to learn, but she was sure I would do well.

Okay, but I was about to arrive at my house with my brand new boss. A boss, who has seen me in my underwear, treated me like a child and subjected me to the most embarrassing situations of my young life! Not only that, but I am about to have Mrs. Brown and my mother be together over dinner with one topic, ME!

The closer we got to my house, the more nervous I got. Mrs. Brown must have seen my expression and my body language must have been obvious, because she turned to me and told me to take slow deep breaths one after the other. So that's what I did for about five minutes! Ok, so I was calmer for five minutes! I looked out the window and HOLY CRAP! We were turning onto my street! There went all the calm! We turned into my driveway and there was no turning back now. THIS WAS IT!

Not only was my mother’s car in the driveway either! My Aunt Harriet's was there as well! Now my Aunt Harriet is a hairdresser and my mother's closest friend. She is also my mother's confidante. My mom tells her everything and she tells my mom everything, never any secrets between them two! Oh GEEZE!

To add insult to injury, our next-door neighbors were having a cookout and they were all outside looking as Mrs. Brown, and I got out of the car. Did I mention my girlfriend was my neighbor? I could just picture my next visit with my girlfriend at her house!

I had Mrs. Brown take the lead and I followed close behind her. (After waving hello to my neighbors of course, I could not pretend they did not see us, or we did not see them.)

We came up the front walk and before I could get to the door, my brother, and sister ran out yelling, "Rich is home!" In a nana-second, they both were wrapped around me hugging and yelling, "Aunt Harriet is here!" They were yelling at the same time trying to tell me about a hundred different things all at once. You know how little kids are when they are excited don't you? Mrs. Brown started laughing and that was when both my mother and Aunt Harriet came out as well. I did my duty and made the introductions as best I could with two wiggling screaming excited kids wrapped around me.

Mrs. Brown then made the great suggestion that maybe I and my brother and sister could help bring "MY" packages from the car into the house. This suggestion was made to my mother and not to me of course, and of course she agreed and the kids got even more excited! The both started yelling, "PRESENTS! RICH GOT PRESENTS!"

Mrs. Brown then said to my utter dismay "Ricky, here are my keys to the trunk. You three have fun and just bring all the packages inside ok?" Of course, my mother and Aunt Harriet said in unison "RICKY?" OH GEEZE!

To my utter horror, the three ladies went into the house chatting and laughing like old friends. I could have sworn I heard my Aunt call Mrs. Brown "Grace"! Did she know her?

Well, the two little ones were driving me crazy to open up the trunk. So we three started unloading the packages and I handed the smallest and lightest to my brother. My sister grabbed as much as she could and I grabbed the rest.

We got to the door and the three ladies were already sitting in the living room chatting away. I had to put down several packages to open the door, GEEZE! They could at least have held the door open for us! As we entered the house my mother hollered out, "Just bring them all in here kids!" So we did.

Then my mother really surprised me! She asked me to go into the kitchen and make a fresh salad to go with dinner. What? Ok, so off I went. This of course put me on the opposite side of two walls from them, which of course made it a certainty I could not overhear anything they were talking about.

As I was leaving to go make the salad, my Aunt asked me if I would please make some tea. OF COURSE I WOULD BE GLAD TO AUNT HARRIET! (I did say it nicely though.) Oh GEEZE! Add to that my brother and sister were trying their best to empty all the packages. As a parting shot I said, "Some of them are Mrs. Brown's." I could hear chuckling as I left.

I put the tea water on to boil and started to think again. I wondered why my Aunt had not mentioned my hair or nails. I knew she knew! My mom did not mention it either! I also knew that it was obvious I had had them done. Well, I did not have them done Mrs. Brown and Lucy had this done to me!

I was also wondering how these appointments just happened to have been made without me seeing Mrs. Brown make them. Betty at the specialty shop knew I was coming. Lucy also knew I was coming. The workers at Lucy's salon knew I was coming! I started putting it all together when the tea water started to boil.

I went to the cupboard and took out the fancy tea set. You know the kind. Teapot, small creamer pitcher, sugar bowl with the little spoon in it, the tray and of course! What goes with tea? Right, the fancy cookies! I put all this together, adding three teacups and saucers with three teaspoons of course. I was ready! Off I went back to the living room.

Now, try to picture me walking in with this stuff trying to keep a poker face on knowing full well I had been set-up by the three of them! It is not easy! I tried, but I failed because all it took was one look at me and they knew I knew what they had done!

All three ladies thanked me for the tea and my mother told me to put the salad in the refrigerator when I was through preparing it. She added that I should come back to living room right when I was through. Ok, so, off I went back to the kitchen once more in utter seclusion. I made the salad, cleaned up and returned to the living room nervous as hell and wondering what would come next!

What I saw when I entered the living room was all my stuff neatly laid out in sets! Yes, the ladies had matched everything as to what went with what. I also noticed several wooden hangers.

Now, my mother loves wooden hangers. They were special and these are designed to hold a complete outfit. There is a place for a shirt, pants, and jacket. You ever see these type hangers? They are called the traveler’s friend. They were real big in the 40's and 50's. Of course, in the 60's most humans were using metal hangers. Not our family! Our family had at least 10 different styles of wooden hangers, no metal ones in this house!

I also noticed that my siblings were now playing with the empty boxes off in a corner and having a blast. Now, lying right next to each matched set of clothes were the accessories that went with them. Yupper, a pair of socks, a T-shit, one pair of underwear and to my utter horror I saw not just one pair of KEDS but two! I also noticed not two pairs of Patten leather shoes but three, two white pairs and one black pair.

I still only had two jackets, but along with three sets of clothes, I noticed three smocks! LIGHT BLUE with "NURSE AIDE" embroidered over the left chest pocket red in color, OH GEEZE! I also noticed I had two neckties both black. What happened to the white one? This took me all of about sixty seconds.

The chair my mother told me to clear off and sit in had two regular sized men's cloth belts lying on it. You know the kind, the ones with the brass buckle. These were white. Also on the chair were three other ones that were thinner and colored light blue and two shiny black leather belts. One was wider than the other one. Where did all this come from? There were two three-color pens. I also saw four sets of light blue shoelaces. Under all this lay two wrapped packages. One I knew was from Lucy, but the other one I did not know whom it was from. I moved all of these things neatly onto the floor.

I sat down and waited for what they had planned for me to once and for all be explained. My Aunt got up and walked over to me. She asked me to show her my hands and I did. She looked at them and said, "Now that is how a gentleman's nails should be kept. Clean, trimmed, shaped, and protected. They help make you look like a professional."

Then she looked at my hair. She walked around behind me and I felt her hands in my hair. She then said not only to me I guess, but to Mrs. Brown and my mother as well "This is great work, Grace! Julia (my mom's name) look at all the body he has now!" She went on to say, "Your hair has gentle flowing waves and I bet they will keep for at least a month!" She was not done yet! She went on to say, "I bet we could brush this in several styles!" OH GEEZE! She then asked my mom to get her a hairbrush! OH NO!

Thank heaven, my mother told her we had to eat dinner now! Whew, but then she added, "Harriet, you can play with his hair after dinner." She went on, "You can try different styles as he tries on and models his new uniform sets for us." OH GEEZE!

With that, I was sent off to the kitchen again by my mother to set places for four. She announced that the two little ones had already eaten and they would be going to bed now.

I started to laugh then because as I was going to the kitchen both my brother and sister were screaming they did not want to go to bed, especially going to bed earlier than normal. I knew they would fight this tooth and nail! I also knew my mom would win after a few swats on two bottoms! My Aunt offered her help with the two little ones and my mom asked Grace if she wanted join them. She did.

I disappeared into the kitchen and that was the last I heard from them for some time. Knowing what they had to do would take at least thirty minutes or more I not only set the table, I put the final touches on the salad and warmed the French bread. I peeked into the oven and there was my favorite of favorites! Homemade baked macaroni and cheese! If this was to be my final meal, it was going to at least be my favorite!

I decided to take a chance and peeked into the freezer. YES! There it was my favorite dessert in the whole world, a big pan of strawberry supreme! Have you ever had homemade strawberry supreme? No? You just don't know what you are missing dear readers! How this is made will make your mouths water and your stomachs growl with eternal desire! The very bottom is made of crushed toasted almonds. Then, the first layer of strawberry ice cream, on top of that strawberries in syrup whipped together with real whipped cream! Not Cool Whip, real whipped cream, then another thin layer of crushed toasted almonds. This continues until you have four layers and that is topped off with real fresh strawberries! Would you like some dear readers? I know I would and right this second! But, on with the story!

Feeling much better about dinner and dessert I started to sing as I usually do when I am happy. (I love to sing.) Then I heard that sound!

I wish to thank Erin for proofing and editing my story. THANK YOU ERIN! You might have gotten the chapters quicker without her help, but I assure you it is worth the added wait for her to be able to do her magic! Erin is also the one responsible for the song lyrics you see along with the title of each different chapter. I love this little touch don't you? Thanks again Erin!

Huggles
Angel

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"Well, you could've been anything that you wanted to and I can tell the way you do the things you do..." -- The Temptations.

A Life Ever Changing #9
The Way You Do the Things You Do

By Angel O'Hare

...Feeling much better about dinner and dessert I started to sing as I usually do when I am happy. (I love to sing.) Then I heard that sound...

Silence!

Now to tell the truth I truly detest silence. Some noise is always present in real life. A silent house should be an empty house, not on this day! On this day, silence meant trouble, trouble for me that is! Three women had planned well with one person's future in mind. Mine! Why?

What also came to my young and inexperienced mind was why had they chosen these steps and spent so much money without first talking to me. Why had they decided to force me into these situations? Why had they decided this role for me to take for my future?

Something else odd popped into my head then. Aunt Harriet had not mentioned my eyebrows! I knew this meant trouble!

Before any of my dear readers gets the idea that I should have thought they were trying to feminize me, forget it! It would have been an impossible task, to my mind. At sixteen, I stood 5 feet 11 and  ½ inches tall. I weighed 165 pounds and practically all muscle, not baby fat or pudgy. Exercise was a big part of my life and helped me burn off my pent up aggressions. As you can guess, I had a lot of aggression! In my very private mind, a war was going on.

My social standing in the world was at the lower end of any scale. Most of my peers in and out of school considered me a geek, not an ugly geek, but a geek all the same. I never hung around at the in spots with them. Even though I was in great shape, I did not join any of the sports programs.

In fact, I wasn't in any extra curricular activities. A few knew my situation, but that did not matter to most of them. Another burning festering situation for me, I had very little time for myself. I had to take care of home and family. I realized this and its importance, but that realization did not help me socially. Any time I could get to be by myself, I grabbed it! Why? I couldn't schedule that. Free time was when everything required of me had been completed.

Sometimes I pondered what it would be like to have a real friend. A best friend you could pour your heart out too. A confidante of my own, like the relationship my mom and Aunt Harriet had. Wow, would that be great! At least I did have one good relationship with a girl, my neighbor Barbara. She was 15, very cute and has great parents! Her dad was the best; her mom protected her like an alligator protecting its eggs!

One thing I did have which I truly loved, my relationship with my own family. It was a very good and close one, so I had thought until that day! My brother and sister truly loved me and I acted as both mother and father to them most of the time. I truly loved them as well. I would do anything for them! The trust and love they show to me everyday is awesome.

I guess I was very lucky though. Many had it a lot worse than I did! I saw it on the many faces I watched at school. Funny how many stupid things my peers thought are so important?

The things they did to those less fortunate maddened me to the boiling point at times, the handicapped, the slower learners, the plain looking, and especially the geeks! If you were not in, you were out. If you were out anything and everything will be done to harass, humiliate and even to physically harm you. At least at school I can help protect them from physical harm. When I see it happen I step in and usually that ends that. (I love to get out pent up aggression that way!)

Ok, back to the story...

Sounds! Once again, I hear sounds! People talking in hushed tones have just entered the kitchen. The first thing I hear is, "Don't stop singing you have a beautiful voice."

Great, just what I did not want to hear! I stopped singing ignoring the statement by Mrs. Brown and asked my mom if she wanted me to serve.

She smiled and answered, "That would be wonderful, Ricky." My mother directed the others where to sit. I put the salad and several kinds of dressing on the table. Then I sliced the warmed bread and brought that to the table along with the butter. My mom told me to sit then and I did. Not in my usual seat either. (I usually sat at one end of the table.) I now sat across from my Aunt. Mrs. Brown had my usual place.

My mother started the conversation. Looking directly into my eyes, she informed me that Grace has been a friend of Harriet's for many years. She went on, "One day while Harriet was doing my hair I was talking about all you do for me and the little ones. I told her that I was worried about you because you had so little time for yourself. You have had no real childhood like other children."

She was getting teary eyed and I knew this was hard for her. My Aunt held and squeezed my mom's hand then. Grace said, "Go on Julia, it’s okay, just say what is in your heart." (Now this started my eyes to tear.) (I fought it the best I could of course.) MEN DON'T CRY! BULL CRAP THEY DON'T!

Three against one in a heart to heart conversation is not fair at all, not to me anyways! Well, my mom continued then. She looked at me again while saying, "You do many things for us that many boys would never do. Many parents would never ask their children to do."

I started to protest when at the same time Mrs. Brown squeezed my shoulder and my Aunt kicked me in the shin under the table. Ok! GEEZ! I did not interrupt again! Ouch!

She went on, "You are so good and ask so little in return." More tears, "I told Harriet how I was worried about you. I was worried that I was forcing you to be something you should not be." (Confusion on my part here, how could she force me to be something I did not want to be?) She continued telling me, "Most of the things you do for us were meant for girls and women to do, not boys!" (I knew not to interrupt my shin still hurt from the last time!)

"You are so gentle and loving. Your brother and sister adore you and Terry (my little sister) has told me how you make her diaper time so special." OH GEEZE! "Did you know she asked for you tonight when I diapered her? She told me you always let her choose one of her dolls to sleep with and that she got to diaper her just like she was. She also told me that you always wanted her help when you diapered her. She told me that I made her feel like a baby and she wasn't a baby."

Now my mother did break down and I felt bad because I thought it was my fault. I saw my chance to say something then without getting kicked under the table. I gave my mom a hug and told her I was sorry for not telling her what I did with my sister. That it was my fault (BANG) OUCH, what was that for? My mother just slapped me on the head and hard!

She looked mad and told me to "sit down and shut up!" She then (with no more tears.) looked at Harriet and Grace saying, "You see what I mean?" They both nodded and looked at me smiling. OH GEEZE! I just did not understand this!

My mom went on, "You just don't understand how different and special you are and now that you are becoming a young man I am worried what might happen to you." (What?) "So Harriet mentioned her best friend Grace to me, she called her and invited her over for a get together with just the three of us. The topic was you. More precisely, what we could do to help you. Now that you know that, we should take a break and have dinner and dessert. You sit and I will serve this time." She said that with a smile.

Talk about confused! I was a mess! She was right. I just did not understand what she was talking about, I did not feel I was so different and special to the degree she apparently did. I just did what had to be done, GEEZ. I love my siblings so how could I care for them differently.

The one thing my dad had taught me was the “Seven P's.” Prior proper planning prevents piss poor performance. This was the only thing he had taught me that held any promise or truth in it. He also tried to teach me that, if the truth is going to hurt, lie. He taught me that the day he left. We never heard from him again. That was several years ago. To this day, I hold to the Seven P's and teach it to many others.

Harriet got up and helped my mother and Mrs. Brown looked at me and asked what we were having. I told her and added that they were all my favorites. Well, I knew I had to have my best manners then. So instead of leaving my napkin next to my plate I put it on my lap. To say dinner was good would be an understatement! It was fantastic! We all were so full from the main course we had to postpone dessert until later.

The conversation was light and friendly with no mention of what was to come. The topics? Women stuff of course! We all went into the living room and sat. The three women sat on the couch and I took the chair I had before. I figured my mother was through because Aunt Harriet began talking to me this time.

She began, "Ricky you know that I love you very much and really care about you. You are more like a son to me. Your mother and I were all you had even when you father was still here." (That was true, I hardly ever saw him.) "We know you better than you know yourself. That was made very clear to all of us tonight. We just had to make sure we were doing the right thing. That is why I asked my best friend in the whole world for her advice. Your mother and I talked with Grace for a long time and shared everything with her." (OH GEEZE! Not everything!)

"We met together to talk for weeks before we made any decisions on how to help you. When we all agreed and decided what to do. Then we needed to figure out how best to do it. You helped us more than you know when you told Julia you decided you were going to apply for a job where Grace is the administrator and the Director of Nursing." I looked over to Mrs. Brown and she gave me a big smile. (So that's why all the appointments were made already! My mom told her!)

This signaled Mrs. Brown to start, "Ricky, few women have what it takes to care for others in need. They may be good mothers to their children, but when it comes to caring for others, they just don't have enough heart and compassion. For a male to have these gifts is 'rarer' still. Let me ask you this. Why do you think so few men work in health care?"

I answered, "I really don't know. I guess they believe it is women's work caring for other people's personal and health needs. At least that is what happens with kids. They always go to their mothers when they are sick or hurt." That did start me thinking about that. I did not see any males working on the floor at the nursing home nor in the nurse's dining room.

She continued, "There are males working in this field, Ricky, there numbers are few but increasing. As I said before it takes someone special to work in this field caring for others and their personal needs. They must have a sharing heart and a lot of compassion for others. You are one of these people Ricky!" She said that with a lot of conviction and force. Like she meant to convince me and there was no room for me to argue.

She went on, "You are blessed with a mother that loves you more than you will ever know. You have an aunt that loves you very much as well. Your sister and brother adore you and yet you do not realize the rare gift God has given you. You use it everyday and even under the most difficult of circumstances. I tested you very hard today. I put you in positions most boys would have run away screaming from. Yet, you did not do that. You might have wanted to, but you didn't. You took my criticisms and orders with hardly a protest. You were put in embarrassing situations and you held up well. Your complaints were few and mostly given during the most trying of circumstances for you. I just want you to know that you were tested today and passed with flying colors."

She smiled and looked at my mom and Aunt Harriet; they had big smiles on their faces and were crying. GEEZ! Not Mrs. Brown though, Mrs. Brown was in command and she continued, "What makes you so special to us, Ricky, is your qualities. Many boys and men would call them girl's or women's feelings. THEY ARE NOT! Don't you ever even think that they are exclusive to girls and women! The numbers of men in this field would skyrocket if they did not have these feelings suppressed by their parents and peers. Think about it. What is so bad for a boy to help with the housework to help cook and clean?

"During the war many women filled all the positions men held. They proved they could do it. They did this in addition to being mothers. Why is it so different for boys and men to fill roles formerly reserved for women? It is not! Could they do it? Yes, and they could do it well. The problem is with our system of separating everything. Girls do this and boys do that. That is wrong Ricky.

"The attitude we need is with sharing our duties with each other. We can learn so much from each other if we would only just let it happen. Instead, many people judge each other harshly because they don't act like a person believes they should. Let me ask you Ricky when they call you a mama's boy at school what do you do?" (Oh so they told her that!)

I answered, "I ignore them because they just don't know what they are talking about. They don't know what it is to be needed. All they have to do is go to school, maybe do a few chores and then it's off to play or hang out. In a way, I feel sorry for them. They just don't know anything about real life other than their own little worlds."

She smiled and my mother jumped in and asked me to tell Grace why I was suspended from school the last time. OH GEEZE! Mrs. Brown gave me one of those questioning looks and Aunt Harriet just smiled that knowing smile she has.

So I told her, "The jocks, three of the popular football players liked to beat up on the smaller ones and the ones they felt were different. I was going to class and saw them beating on this kid while they were calling him a geek and a retard. I got mad and beat them up."

I tried to end it there but my mom told me to go on and tell the whole story. GEEZ! "Well, when I stepped in I told them idiots to pick on somebody their own size while I punched the biggest one in the eye. They stopped hitting on the little kid and started in on me. I don't really remember much but when it stopped I was standing and they were on the floor.

"A teacher was looking at me and asked me if I was all right. I had blood all over me and my nose was bleeding. Mrs. Jenkins, a Special Ed teacher, took me to the nurse's office. The nurse wasn't there so Mrs. Jenkins helped me clean up and stop the bleeding. That took awhile and I started to feel very sore.

"It hurt to move my arms and was getting harder to breath. Mrs. Jenkins helped me take off my shirt and I had these red welts everywhere. Some were turning blue. She told me to sit tight and she made a phone call from the other room.

"Next thing I know was I heard sirens. It sounded like a few of them. Mrs. Jenkins came back and told me they were contacting my mother and she held an ice bag to my face and had me lay back leaning against the wall. I asked her about the sirens and she chuckled saying they were not for me. It wasn't that much longer when my mom came in and took me to the hospital. I had two broken ribs but it wasn't bad.

"This all happened on a Friday and the trouble didn't start until Monday morning. I was called to the principal's office. He told me I was lucky I wasn't arrested and that the parents of the other three kids were not going to press charges. He said I was in deep trouble with him and the coach though. They decided I had to be suspended from school for seven days because I started the fight." (I laughed at that!) I shrugged my shoulders saying that was that.

Aunt Harriet jumped in then and said, "No, that is not all of it Ricky and you know it!" (GEEZ!) She continued of course! "You forgot to mention what the special class did for you and what the little boy and his mother did for you as well. Not to mention what Mrs. Jenkins did!"

I said, "That has nothing to do with why I was suspended and I do not want to talk about anymore ok?"

Mrs. Brown looked at me and Harriet said, "We will tell you later, Grace, he is too modest, again!" (Thank God, that was over!)

Mrs. Brown started again, "Ricky you have a job now. I along with a few of the nurses and Mary, an Aide you met, are going to help you. You must give this a chance and it will be very difficult for you at times. Are you willing to give it your best effort?"

I told her I would give it my best. I added that, "I hope I do not let you all down."

All three said, "Just do your best and you can never let us down." OK!

My mom suggested it was a good time for dessert. GREAT! STRAWBERRY SUPREME! Did I mention already about strawberry supreme? My favorite of favorites!

While we walked back to the kitchen Aunt Harriet told me once I was finished I should go take a quick shower and to shampoo the hairspray out of my hair.

Mrs. Brown said, "Ricky, you should open the present from Lucy first, okay?"

I nodded and wondered what was in the package I might need. Shampoo probably. We had dessert and they were telling me after my shower Harriet was going to show me how to do my hair for work. Then it would be time for the fashion show! Oh Geeze! (I was tired.)

We had our dessert and Mrs. Brown went to get the present from Lucy for me. She brought it back, I had to open it in front of them, and I did. Oh my, it had everything in it a girl could want! I swear it had stuff in it I would never use!
First, I unwrapped it. The wrapping paper had little pictures on it of things used in hair care. It was tied with a white ribbon and had a little card attached. I opened it and read what it said. (Silently to myself.) (I knew this would drive them nuts.)

My mom told me to read it and I declined and just handed it to her. I opened the box and heard my mom laugh. She then handed it to Mrs. Brown. She laughed and then it was Aunt Harriet's turn and she laughed as well.

Okay, on with the contents. In the box on the very top was a shower cap! It was a blue one. There was another thing under that in a package that had writing on it "HAIR BONNETT to keep your hair neat through the night." Oh brother! Under that were packages of Bobbie pins, combs, a hairbrush, a set of large curlers a bunch of small bottles, which I did not look at closely. A manicure set and several containers of nail polish. (Mostly clear, but one was white!) On the very bottom were several hairnets in various colors. Oh Great! There also were one of those eyelash torturing devices and an eyelash brush in a long clear bottle of liquid! OH GEEZE! I also found a pair of tweezers.

Aunt Harriet was looking at the bottles and left out two. She said, "Use these two for your shower. This one is a body wash. Use it instead of your bar soap. This other one is for your hair. Use only a little and shampoo your hair twice and rinse it real well each time, okay?"

I said okay and off I went. Leaving them to whatever they were going to do next.

I went into the bathroom to get ready to take my shower when I noticed my robe was missing! Oh no! In its place was a blue shiny one with a very wide neck opening. It had a note attached. It said, "From me to you, my favorite! Love and hugs Auntie Harriet." (OH GEEZ!) I tried it on and it just covered the top ends of my shoulders. It was just long enough to reach the tops of my knees! I wonder where my other robe was, must be in my room, but I had better wear this one tonight or "Auntie" would be hurt.

I jumped into the shower, opened the body wash, and poured it onto my washcloth. Wow, what lather! It smelled good too, not flowery like I had dreaded, but earthy. I liked it! Once I was done washing my body it was hair time. I opened the bottle of shampoo and it smelled the same as the body wash had. COOL! I did as I was instructed, and washed and rinsed well twice. I was done, now to dry off and put on the robe.

Then I heard a soft knocking on the bathroom door. I wrapped my hair in a towel and put on the robe. It was Aunt Harriet. She said, "Good I caught you just in time. Is your hair still wet?"

I said, "Sopping wet I did not have time to even towel dry it yet."

She looked at me wearing the robe and smiled saying, "Oh. It fits you perfectly! Do you like it?"

What could I say? I told her, "It's nice, Aunt Harriet but it is a little short for me."

She shook her head and said, "That is the length it is supposed to be, silly. It will keep closed easier when you sit down to do your hair. You notice it is roomier than your other robe and wraps around you more." Ok. She took my hand and led me down stairs! (What is it with this holding my hand thing? Do all hairdressers do this?)

She led me into the kitchen still holding my hand and exclaimed, "Here he is!"

Oh brother, like they didn't know. My mom handed me another present (OH GEEZ!) so I opened it and it was a hand held hair dryer. It also had what is called a styling brush. I thanked her and Aunt Harriet told me to sit. She toweled my hair for a second or two and then started brushing while using my new hairdryer. (Wait, what about my underwear?)

I tried to look down to make sure she told me the truth about the robe but she yanked my head back and told me not to move! Okay. I felt with my hands and with relief, I felt lots of robe. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mrs. Brown and my mom talking and smiling. I did not feel right not wearing any underwear! I was feeling self-conscious about it. (Just hoping nothing rose to the occasion if you know what I mean!) I must have been getting red again because I noticed Mrs. Brown and mom had stopped talking and were looking at me with concern.

Aunt Harriet turned off the dryer and said, "Those waves held perfectly! Just look at that body your hair has now! This will be so easy for me to work with, so much better than your baby fine straight hair! To be honest, Ricky, that hair was a real pain to work with. All I could ever do was cut it and let it hang straight down. I wish you would have let me give you a soft perm." A what? A perm! Oh Geeze!

My mother then said, "Ricky what is wrong? You looked frightened about something." I told her how I was not used to not having anything on under my robe especially in front of anybody. They all laughed at that and she told me that I had nothing they have not seen before many times.

Mom added, "Harriet and I saw you completely naked just last week, honey. Did we embarrass you then?" WHAT? WHEN? She then went on with, "Remember when, Jerry (My little brother) walked out of the room leaving your door open? We both were coming up the stairs and you walked out to close the door remember?" OH GEEZE!

I said, "You were coming up the stairs? I did not see you!"

Aunt Harriet laughed. "That was obvious, Ricky, you did not even try to cover yourself. So don't even think about shocking us with being naked, okay?"

Mrs. Brown chuckled and said, "I am a nurse and you could not shock me if you tried." Now is this supposed to make me feel better? It didn't!

Aunt Harriet then asked what color hair tie I wanted to use. My mom jumped in and said, "Let's match them to each set of clothes he is modeling."

"That is a great idea," Harriet said. So, I was now ready to do the fashion show...

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"Got to be good looking 'cause he's so hard to see... Come together--over me." -- The Beatles

A Life Ever Changing #10
Come Together

by Angel

... Aunt Harriet then asked what color hair tie I wanted to use. My mom jumped in and said, "Let's match them to each set of clothes he is modeling."

"That is a great idea," Harriet said. So I was now ready to do the fashion show....

Aunt Harriet then said, "But first your eyebrows are just a little too thick." They did a fine job of with shaping you just need a little thinning."

I said, "Aunt Harriet I do not want girl shaped eyebrows. I let them do a lot of things to me, but please don't try and make me look like a girl." Aunt Harriet, my mother and Mrs. Brown looked at me with "THAT" look again!

Mrs. Brown then said to me, "Ricky, the look you will need to begin working is an androgynous one. Do you know what that means? (What? What the heck did androgynous mean?)

I answered, "No, I never heard of it before."

Mrs. Brown then told me, "A famous person named Coleridge said, 'The truth is, a great mind must be androgynous.' You already have an androgynous mind, Ricky, now you must appear androgynous. The word means {uniting both sexes in one, or having the characteristics of both.} Now do you understand?"

I said, "Please just give me a minute to think." They all paused at this and were I must say looking a little worried at what I might say next. Concern was on all their faces. My mom looked the most tense and Aunt Harriet was gently massaging my shoulders.

Just then, the phone rang and all four of us jumped with the sound of the first loud ring. My mom answered it and I could hear her say, "Hello. hi Barbara, no, Rich is a little busy right now, can he call you back tomorrow? We both are busy and we have company. Oh, (chuckle) no, he isn't hurt or anything like that. The nurse that brought him home is Rich's new employer. Yes. He has a job at the nursing home. What? Yes, he will be starting Monday morning. Okay, tell your mother I will call her in the morning ok? Yes, I will let Rich call you first. Bye."

My mom was laughing softly as she turned to me and said, "That was Barbara, she thought you were hurt or something when she saw Grace. She wants you to call her in the morning. You are supposed to call her before I talk to Rita." (Her mom.) She chuckled again at that.

Now they were all looking at me again and Mrs. Brown asked me, "Well, what have you thought about and do you need us to explain anything further?"

I answered, "If I have figured this out correctly, you don't want me to look like an all boy or an all girl, but you want me to look like I could be either one?" All three answered me at the same time, which was a little confusing until I figured out they all meant the same thing and that was EXACTLY! I had figured it out, but now what? I then asked Mrs. Brown, "Why? Why is this step so necessary? I have never really cared what people thought of the way I looked, but this seems a little questionable to me. What happens when I go out in public looking, what is that word, androgynous?"

Mrs. Brown, my mom and Aunt Harriet (Who was still massaging me, now working on my back. It felt so good!) tried to answer me all at the same time again when Mrs. Brown spoke up louder with, "Let me answer that for you, Ricky." My mom and Aunt Harriet kept quiet then and Mrs. Brown continued, "You will be working with all women and also be taking care of women residents. To look 'ALL MALE' as you mentioned would be a harder handicap for you. More than you realize right now. We all feel that you should look like your personality and qualities dictate. This will help you immensely in this field and we do believe in your personal life as well. Ricky, you are the most gender-neutral person I have ever encountered. Do what we ask of you and you will succeed far better and have a much easier time working with women. What do you say you just give it a try?"

Gender neutral? She said it like it was a compliment, but it hurt me just the same. I thought hard and deep just then. They were telling me I was not a boy or man. I was not girl or women either, thank God. But, what did this make me? When I look in the mirror, I see a young man. I have a penis and it works as it is supposed to. Well, I hadn't had intercourse yet, but my exploration of this item sure had its pleasurable surprises. True, my voice wasn't a deep one, but it wasn't high either. Damn it, I look like a boy! This is going to be the toughest thing I have ever done and I just know I do not have any real choice other than to do it their way.

"Okay, I will give it my best" I said. "This is going to be hard for me to do and I will need a lot of help and support. Mom? You will have to help me with Barbara and the Nelsons. (My neighbors.) I just don't want to look so feminine people think I am gay or something. I like girls and I don't want to lose the only one that seems to like me as I am, ok?"

They all agreed and started to hug me. Even Mrs. Brown joined in with the group hug! The tension that was building in the room just dissipated, vanished, as if it never was there.

Aunt Harriet took out my new pair of tweezers and started on my eyebrows making them less bushy as she had said. My mother and Mrs. Brown went into the living room to select my first set of clothes I was to model.

Maybe I would start a new fad, the androgynous look! I started to laugh thinking about it. OUCH, boy that hurts! How do girls do this to themselves? I would remember to compliment Barbara on her eyes and brows the next time I saw her! Hell, I would compliment about her hair and nails as well!

This started me thinking about shopping for clothes with my family. With my brother and me, it was mom, who would pick them out and ask if we liked them. This question was a waste of time because she always got what she had picked out anyway. She would do the "MOM CHECK" and that was that.

Not so with my sister, it was a whole new experience watching them shop for clothes. They had a blast! My sister would get all excited and they would take forever trying things on and picking things out. If my mom went to buy one new dress for herself and my sister, they would try on fifty of them! (Well slight exaggeration there.) They would have so much fun.

I must admit at being jealous seeing this knowing shopping for us boys was a drag for her and us. Why couldn't we have as much fun? Couldn't I try on a bunch of clothes I would like to wear? Just to see what they looked like on me? Why not? Maybe I will talk to my mom about this and see what happens.

I came back to earth then and noticed my Aunt Harriet was looking at my face real intense like. She then asked me what I was thinking about and I said, "Oh, nothing that important."

She laughed and said she knew me better than that. "Out with it Ricky!"

So, I sighed (A nice deep sigh at that.) and reluctantly I told her what I had been thinking and what I thought about it and then asked her what she thought. Well, the answer I received was not what I expected at all.

She hollered so loud it startled me she said, "JULIA and GRACE get in here and listen to this! OH GEEZE, before I knew it the three of them were going to take me shopping for new clothes the following Saturday! They told me it was going to be fun and I would be able to try on anything I wanted and as much as I wanted. COOL and double COOL! (I just wondered who's money we were going to spend?) Well, they were happy that was for sure!

My eyebrows now done, we all went into the living room. The first set was the clothes I was the most reluctant to wear. Yupper! Those stretchy tight ones with the shirt Betty had given me. With those, a pair of sneakers that someone had put a pair of the light blue laces in.
The socks were not socks at all! They were more like tights! You know the kind, thicker than nylons and they looked like they were long enough to reach well above my knees! These were white. GEEZE

Next I noticed a web belt of light blue. The underwear? Well the T-shirt was plain, but it wasn't like my normal ones. The neck opening was round and for over the shoulder it had two thin straps. The underpants? I did not see any, but I saw my mom holding a box. It was wrapped and I remembered Betty giving it to me as a present. (OH GEEZE!)

I looked at my mom and said, "I suppose my new underpants are in that box?"

"Yes, honey, and something for this particular outfit that we know you will need."

I took the box and opened it. It was wrapped in lots of tissue paper. I took it out of the box and unwrapped it. "What is this thing?" I asked. It looked like a tight fitting pair of boxer shorts. Then I noticed there were two pairs clipped together.

My mom said, "Those are underpants that support your privates and hold them closer to your body so you don't show as much. They will protect you from injury and keep you from being embarrassed at certain times." All three started chuckling and my mother went on with, "You know the times, honey. What happens when you get up in the morning and make me breakfast? (She is smiling that knowing smile here.) You have a hard time hiding that thing of yours in just your robe, don't you." She said this as a fact not a question. "Well, this takes care of that problem." All three with knowing smiles! I turned red as a beat!

I realized that working with all women it could be a very embarrassing problem at that. So with a shrug of my shoulders I said I understood. They did look like they were going to be a tight fit that was sure!

Mom added, "Honey, you have to wear something under those to prevent irritation. Look in the box dear." What now? Oh Lord! Now these were girl's panties!!!! No doubt about it! Oh no!

So I asked the next question. "Why do I have to wear girl’s panties under this? Can't I wear my regular briefs?"

Aunt Harriet jumped in here and said, "Okay, Ricky, why don't you try wearing your briefs under them and see what happens."

"I will" I said and all four of us just looked at each other. My mom then told me to go change in the den instead of going upstairs. It would be easier and we wouldn't wake the little ones. The den did not have a mirror or a door! I had a funny feeling about this. I took a pair of my new regular briefs off of another set of clothes and headed to the den.

I realized that these were the most feminine looking set of clothes out of all of them. If I could get through the ordeal of wearing this set. I would be home free. I took off my robe and put on the new pair of regular briefs. Snug fit, comfortable and I thought they would be ok under the tight boxers. I then put on the T-shirt, light and silky, felt good, but did not look right to me.

Then I went to put on the boxer's and in walked my mom and Aunt Harriet! (Oh GEEZE!) Aunt Harriet said, "I forgot to tie your hair back." (SURE!)

Mom said, "Honey, we knew you would need some help anyway and I am glad we came in just now. You should put on your hose first. Oh Lord! I took the white long stockings and started to put them on like my regular socks when my mom stopped me.

"Not like that, Honey, you will ruin them that way! Let me show you." She took one and rolled it up until just the toe part was on the end. She told me to sit down which I did and then she put the end over my toes. She unrolled it as she pulled it up to my knee. She did the same with the other one on my other leg. She explained what she was doing while she went.

Then I had to stand up and she pulled them up to my thigh and smoothed them out. She said, "That is how you put these on. If you don't do it this way you will put to much strain on the threads and they will run on you. Okay?"

I said okay and that was when Aunt Harriet handed me the boxers to squeeze into, and I do mean squeeze! I could see why I had to put the "hose" on first because the legs of the boxers covered the tops of the hose. The boxers were so tight they scrunched my briefs in the most uncomfortable of places! I could feel lumps as I felt around trying to fix the problem.

Both of them laughed then and told me that was why I needed the other type of underwear. (They did not use the word panties.) OH GEEZE! This was going to be bad, for me anyway. Okay, off with the boxers and it just so happened my mom had the underwear mentioned ready for me.

Without even thinking about it, I just took off my briefs before I realized what I just did! Too late now and they did not even crack a smile or utter a chuckle. I put on the underwear and they felt real different. Smoother, cooler, and much lighter they covered my whole butt and were cut fuller in the legs. They had a higher waist than my briefs.

But, I really showed! You could see right through them! OH GEEZE! My mom told me to tuck my penis downward and I did. I quickly grabbed the boxers and squeezed them on, yes; there was a big difference I had to admit it. My mom and Harriet both said at the same time, "SEE THE DIFFERENCE?"

I did and admitted they were right. It felt very strange though. My testicles were pushed back inside of me, which hurt for a few seconds and my penis was no longer evident. I had a smooth front! I was going to put the pants on next when my mom told me I had to put the shirt on first. GEEZE! This was a lot more trouble than I thought it was going to be! I put on the shirt and it was snug just like I remembered from the store. My mom told me to tuck the shirt into my boxers. I did and thankfully was finally able to put on my pants!

Now these pants were the stylish ones, snug fitting above the knees with bell-bottoms. Stylish was what Betty had called them. I threaded the belt on and figured out the buckle. You slid the end of the belt through it and pulled back on it to secure it.

I reached for the sneakers and my mom handed me a pair of socks saying, "Put these on first, Honey." Great, light blue socks and they did not go up on my calves either. They went to just below my ankles. I now got to put on the sneakers.

I stood up and Aunt Harriet was waiting for me with a light blue hair tie. She brushed my hair and pulled it back tying it into a ponytail, a girl's style ponytail!

I was ready for my entrance to show Mrs. Brown and thinking of what to say to all of them once, I got into the living room! My mom told me to wait till she called me from the living room. They both left and it took them longer than I figured it should.

I was just going to holler when my mom told me to come into the living room "Smiling" she said. I walked into the living room 'SMILING’, then FLASH, FLASH, and FLASH again! PICTURES! OH GEEZE! I was getting mad again! All three of them had cameras!

I heard Mrs. Brown say, "He's gorgeous!"

My mother had a huge grin and Aunt Harriet quickly said, "Don't get upset, Ricky, there is a very good reason for you to be wearing this outfit. Grace has something for you and her friend Betty made her decision when she met and talked with you." Mrs. Brown then handed me a letter.

It was in a fancy envelope (Nice stationary!) and was sealed with wax and had a big "B" imprinted in it. I opened the envelope and took out the letter. Mrs. Brown asked me to read it aloud so everybody could know what Betty had written to me. I paused for a minute just holding the letter.

I was so angry right then that I was afraid to try and talk. I looked at them with what must have been the old "this had better be worth it" look!

Mrs. Brown said, "Read the letter and you will get the answers to the questions you have."

My mom added, "Please don't be angry with us, Honey, read the letter." My Aunt just kept nodding at me.

The letter began;

"Dearest Ricky

By your reading this I know you have on the outfit I picked out just for you. There is a very important reason for this, which I will explain later on in this letter. First though I want you to know that it was your loving mother, Harriet and Grace who I met and talked to at length about you and a problem I have. I could not believe what I heard when you were described to me by Grace and my new good friends your mother and Harriet."

I looked up at the three women and they smiled and motioned for me to continue. Betty went on with, "I had to be sure about you, and when Grace told me you had applied for work at her facility I saw my chance of meeting and talking to you without my problem being mentioned first. I was skeptical when I first saw you, but as time went on I was sure they were right and you would be the answer I was looking for." (WHAT? This was getting strange.)

"Your looks, mannerisms, and speech were androgynous." (That word again!) "With little effort you could look like either a girl or a boy." (OH GEEZE!) "This is what is needed for you to be able to help my family.

"Let me now explain my problem and you can then make you decision if you wish to help us or not. We have two daughters that are mentally handicapped just like your brother. They are more infantile in their behavior though and are older and much stronger. They can get violent and they do hurt when they hit and kick. We have been told they should be institutionalized but we will never do that! We have hired many caregivers over the years and most quit shortly after they started working, as the girl's got older. The few that did stay turned out to be abusive and rough with the girls. My daughters I found would have bruises and they would cry a lot when they saw the caregiver approach them.

"Ricky, this is very important and I stress the need we have of a strong compassionate caregiver with a heart. You must appear to be a girl for my husband to accept you as a caregiver. He would never allow a boy to provide care for our girls. I have recently been told the agency we have used for years will no longer send caregivers to our home. We have contacted other agencies that supply help in our area and they have all refused to send anyone. If we cannot find anyone soon our girls will have to be institutionalized. I cannot care for them myself. They are too heavy for me to care for and their combativeness I could not control. You are our last hope. Before you make a decision on this matter let me explain my offer for your employment and what will be required of you."

I was awestruck! I was numb, confused, hurt, and mad, embarrassed, and humiliated all at one time!

I must have looked like I was just hit by a train because I was group hugged right then! My mom told me it would be okay and I could decide either way and they would not think badly of me. They knew what was being asked and it would have been hard for anybody in the same situation.

I looked up at them and tried to talk. I couldn't. I sat down and asked for a drink. My mom nodded to Aunt Harriet and gave her a key. My Aunt went to the liquor cabinet and made me a drink. (My first ever other than a little wine. I had never even tried the hard stuff before.)

She came over and handed me the drink, which I gulped down. Holy COW! I coughed and sputtered and they chuckled.

I took a deep breath and found I could speak now. So I began by asking, "Do I really look like a girl?" I did not wait for an answer and kept on talking. "This letter has me so confused. I feel hurt by it and humiliated. I feel like a freak that really doesn't fit in anywhere. What am I? I don't know what I am anymore."

I stopped talking and started thinking lost in my own world. I thought I was mature and a good brother and son. I thought I was a male! Now, I am being told by those I love, and their friends I am androgynous. I could be either with little effort! The worst thing for me to deal with right then was the fact that I was being asked to look like a girl!

Everybody here I knew thought that I could and should do this thing. WHY? What was so important about this to make me feel so bad about myself? I was so hurt and confused I started to cry then. The tears just poured out of me. I was being hugged and petted, I heard sounds, but I could not make them out.

I started to calm down enough to just sob and that is when I felt a cool damp cloth being drawn softly against my eyes and face. I looked up and my Aunt handed me another drink and told me to just sip it this time. I did several times.

My mother started talking softly, "You are my son that I love more than anything in this world. You will always be my son and a boy to me. You have a God given gift that makes you special and rare. It is nothing to be ashamed of, it is something to learn about, control, and use so you can help others. I am so proud of you for doing what you have done in you life. The decisions you have made by yourself and your attitude have always been mature ones and well above what anyone would expect from someone so young. You are what you are Ricky. Only you can decide what you will do with that knowledge. I am here to help and support you whatever you decide. Just know that you are not a freak! You are a boy with a rare gift and I love you and you are even more precious to me because of it."

My Aunt Harriet started up, "You are not alone you know! There are other boys just like you. Not many, but there are more of them than you think. There is one thing about your body that I bet you have never noticed. Do you know what it is?"

I didn't and said so. She then told me to feel my neck and I did. She then told me to feel hers and I did. She asked me if I felt any difference and I said no.

She continued, "You have a wonderful soft voice and you sing beautifully. You can sing notes in a range most boys can't. Your music teacher has told you this and that is why she wanted you in the school choir. Grace noticed this as well. Now do you know what is different about you?"

I still said I didn't know as I was feeling my neck wondering what it could be.

Mrs. Brown said, "Ricky, you have no Adams apple. (WHAT?) I never really noticed that!

I asked her, "How could that happen? All males have Adams apples!"

Mrs. Brown said, "Not all males Ricky, you don't have one." She smiled and said, "Now that you are calm, do you think you could finish Betty's letter? I think you will understand even more when you have finished it, and you will not be hurt by what it says either. I promise."

I continued to read after a few more good sips of my drink. Those drinks sure started to make me feel better, Soda Pop, with a kick!

Betty's letter continued, "We will provide for any items you need including uniforms, clothing, and all the accessories. We also will provide your transportation to and from our home. You will have a bedroom of your own, which has its own full bath. All your meals will be provided and you will be required to do no housework. We have a cook, a maid, and a housekeeper to do those tasks. Your pay will be $200.00 weekly." (WOW! $200 a week, rhat's what my mom makes now! That would solve our money problems for sure!)
"What is required of you is first to be trained by Grace or someone she chooses to help train you. You will not be alone at anytime while you are in training. Someone will always be with you to help and guide you. While you are at work, you will be in uniform at all times. Your appearance must be close to perfection. This is a must. If you do stay over your work times for any reason, you must be suitably attired to maintain your appearance. If not in uniform then other clothing that suits this purpose. You will be caring for my twin daughters. Their physical age is 20. Their mental abilities are that of 2 years for most things less in others, and a little more for speech. You will be providing basic care including that for incontinence. They have frequent accidents. I must warn you again about their combativeness. If you make one of them mad, the other will become mad as well. Grace will give you more detailed instructions and all the information you will need."

As a postscript she added, "I hope and pray you decide to help us. All I can promise you is that you will be rewarded for your kindness and sacrifices. I know this will be a very hard decision for you to make. One thing I will promise you if you decide to accept this position. Your further education past high school will also be provided for." Then there was the signature.

I looked around the room and I had a million questions none of which I could put into words just then. Aunt Harriet said, "I know what you are thinking, Ricky, we set up a full length mirror in the kitchen. Why don't you come with us and we will show you something that might surprise you.”
(OH GEEZE!)...

Editor's note: Things are getting interesting for Ricky. Almost like in an old Chinese curse, maybe. I've read several episodes ahead and they keep getting more interesting and more confusing for poor Ricky. :) This is a unique story and I hope you all are enjoying it as much as I am. Please, leave a comment and let us know.

"Prepare yourself, you know it's a must.... Gonna recommend you to the Spirit in the sky." -- Norman Greenbaum

A Life Ever Changing #11
Spirit in the Sky

by Angel

I looked around the room and I had a million questions none of which I could put into words just then. Aunt Harriet said, "I know what you are thinking Ricky, we set up a full length mirror in the kitchen. Why don't you come with us and we will show you something that might surprise you."

(OH GEEZE!)....

I raised my voice then, something I rarely ever do. I said, "WAIT! This is too much for me right now I need more time! I need to talk some more and really understand this. I may appear calm to you, but I am far from calm! I am really confused."

In a calmer tone I continued, "Please, let us start at the beginning and go over this again. Don't you realize what this is doing to me? What you and others have said about me? What all this really means? I have one real close friend and I will lose her, I know it! The Nelsons are the only other family that I can rely on for help and understanding. What will they think of me? No matter what you promise me, this will get out! People will find out what I really am and that is a boy. The reasons I might do this will not matter! I’m considered a geek and mama's boy now! You see? The reasons don't matter to anyone else but us."

I wiped away some of the tears that were still falling from my eyes and down my cheeks. I looked at each one of them in the eyes deeply. I tried to read what they thought and felt. I noticed all three had tears as well. THEY KNEW what was being asked of me! But, did they truly understand the very high price I was going to have to pay? I didn't think so, because I didn't even really know! I had to really understand this and I hoped they had the answers.

I prayed to God silently and with all my heart and soul for His guidance and help. (Funny how this thought just popped in my mind at that very nana-second!) What popped into my head was this. "In truth God is not a he or a she. God is the perfection of both and more, all in one being." Man in his twisted wisdom decided to call God a He! Why? Because males ruled the world! Because males decided if they called God a She, the awesome power God has would be diminished in mankind's eyes. Could not mankind see the folly in this thinking?

Is the truth in reality to be a balance of both sexes? Being neither all male, nor all female? To find the balance each human being has within them, to be both sexes at one time. Is this what true equality is? To be truly equal in each other's eyes, we must be equal within our own selves first.

Thank you God, for your very quick response!

I looked up again and said, "I prayed for help and I got it! Let me tell you what I think the answer to my prayer is." So then, I told them what just happened within my heart and mind. I felt very calm and even relieved! The stress melted away like a cold white snow on a warm sunny morning. I felt at peace and was ready to discuss the sacrifices and the true price I must pay if I chose to do this thing. I already knew what the benefits would be. I added one more benefit. A better understanding of my true self and what I should be and what I could offer others. "To truly offer someone equality, you must first be equal within yourself."

I stood up then and headed to the kitchen. My mother, Mrs. Brown and Aunt Harriet just stood there following me with their eyes and their mouths open.

The women came into the kitchen a few minutes later. What they had talked about during that time I do not know. I was busy thanking God and pondering what was coming next. I noticed my mom went to the junk drawer and took out a pad and pen. She looked at me and smiled; with tears in her eyes, she started writing. Aunt Harriet was wiping her eyes with one hand and held a suitcase in her other hand, she laid it on the table. Mrs. Brown came in last and asked me, "You sure, you are only 16?"

I did not know how to answer her, so I just nodded and said, "Yup."

She shook her head and looked at the other's saying, "We made the right decision." (WHAT?)

My mom was still busy writing whatever it was. My Aunt uncovered a full-length mirror that she opened up which made it into three mirrors. Mrs. Brown came over to me and gave me a big strong hug! She even kissed me on the cheek! MY BOSS! GEEZE! My eyes got real big and she just laughed. Mrs. Brown said, "I have to go to my facility for a few minutes. I have a few things to pick up that I know we will need tonight." She told us she would be right back.

My mom and Harriet looked at her and my mom smiled saying, "Yes, we will need everything tonight!" Harriet then opened up the suitcase, but the insides of the top and bottom parts had covers so I could not see what was in it yet. My mother had stopped writing, came over to me, and had me sit down.

She gave me a big hug and a kiss on my forehead. She then held both of my hands in hers, looked deeply in my eyes and said, "Any thoughts I had of doubting your ability and understanding of this are gone. The way you answered your own questions proved to all of us that we were right in believing in you. You showed you understood far more than we had expected and you taught us a valuable lesson as well. That real equality means to share more than we do now. We must share our thoughts and feelings too. I will no longer treat you as just my son. I will treat you as my daughter as well."

(What? Now I was very surprised hearing that! How could she really treat me like her daughter? No way. She must mean within reason or with some limitations. I have seen what mothers do with their daughters. I have an idea of what private things they share with each other. I could just imagine what questions a daughter might ask and the answers a mother might give them. No, I think I know what she means.)

"I should have realized this earlier. The bond you have with your sister is much more than just as a brother is. You are much more than that to her and she knows it. You are a mother, father, brother and sister to her, all wrapped in one package. I have seen this many times, I just never realized what I was seeing until you said what you did." With that said, she hugged and kissed me again.

Aunt Harriet told me to stand up then, so I did. She told me to raise both my arms up in the air and I did that. My mom and her took a hold of my shirt and pulled it up and off of me. They then took hold of and removed my undershirt. My mother then held out my new robe and as I slid my arms in to the sleeves, she put it on me and left it open.

Aunt Harriet undid my belt, pulled my slacks down to my knees, and told me to sit. She said, "We have to start from scratch to do this right. We were only going to show you with these clothes how comfortable they can be and with some well-done make up, how much of a girl, your face would look like. After what you said and told us you believe we changed our minds. We are going to show you what you will look like as a teenaged girl." (WHAT? Oh my God! I'm not ready for this. I thought they were just going show me what I looked like and try to convince me I COULD look like a girl! I figured they might try some make-up, but not to transform me into a girl tonight! OH GEEZE!)

Now I started to think about what Mrs. Brown might be getting at her facility that she said we would need for tonight. It started to fall into place then. That is what they must have decided when they stayed in the living room for so long. What my mother and Harriet said and did after that. Okay, I understand now!

I looked into the mirror and laughed! I said to them, "You really have a lot of work to do, to make over that thing," (as I pointed to myself in the mirror) "into a decent looking girl." I kept laughing softly and shaking my head.

I continued with describing the impossible task as I said to them, "I am just shy of 6 feet tall. How many teenage girls do you know that are 6 feet tall? I weigh 165 lbs and it's not fat. My shape is that of a well-muscled boy, not as an in-shape girl. I don't have the hips or butt of a girl and my hands are wider and bigger than a girl's." I thought some more and added, "You women also have beautiful breasts that I lack as well."

My mom and Aunt both answered at the same time saying the same thing, "Are you through?" I HATE IT WHEN THEY DO THAT!

"Yes, and I suppose you have solutions?" I answered.

OF COURSE THEY DID! OH GEEZE!

As they continued to undress me Harriet started to chuckle and then so did my mom. This turned into real laughter and I stared at them real hard until they stopped. My mom apologized and said, "Honey, we are women don't you agree? We know what girls and boys look like, and the differences between the two. There are also many differences within the genders as well. An example is when you are in the showers after gym class. Do the boys all look the same?"

She waited for my answer so I said, "No, there are big differences between them."

My mom continued, "It is the same with girls, Honey! We all develop at different speeds. Some of us develop more slowly than others and some much faster. You can't tell me you never noticed this at school?"

I answered her, "I noticed that, Mom, but I did not give it much thought before you just mentioned it."

My mom smiled and Harriet said, "Ricky, thank you for complimenting me on my breasts, but have you looked at yours closely?" (WHAT?) She can't be meaning...

I immediately looked at my breasts then and looked for some difference. My mom laughed and said to Harriet, "He didn't notice his lack of an Adams apple why do you think he would notice his breasts?" (WHAT?)

Now this was getting too much! I didn't notice anything different about my breasts! They sure didn't look like a teenage girls breasts and were a far cry different than theirs! (Of course, I had never seen their breasts uncovered.) I had seen them both in bras and panties before. I had never seen them nude. I must explain this I guess huh?

Okay, when we go out together to do something like to an amusement park or for an all day outing, we have a plan of attack. We use the seven P's. Remember them? It is much easier to shower and put on our underwear and robes to get everything together before we get completely dressed. This way, we will look clean and fresh in our clothes when we leave. No wrinkles or accidental spills or stains.

The two little ones are put into diapers and dressed. Terry always wears a cute party dress with her crinolines (petticoats). Her diapers don't show that way and she doesn't mind them if we dress her this way. She loves her party dresses with petticoats! (No crinolines, No diapers!)

Jerry is mentally handicapped and needs them for all day outings. We dress him in his favorite baggy overalls, which have his favorite cartoon characters on patches. We feed them make the picnic stuff and then we get dressed and pack the station wagon. Well, sometimes it's real hot, so we don't wear our robes. (My Aunt Harriet practically lives at our house.) Simple! Okay?

So I am still looking down at my chest and Harriet says, "Look at your nipples, Honey. What do you see?"

I did and saw nipples, so? "What?" I asked.

My mom then jumped in and asked me, "Ricky, a few months ago you came to me after you took a shower and told me your chest was sore, remember?"

I said, "Yes, but that was my chest not just my nipples."

She looked at me and added, "Honey, what size were your nipples then?" Oh GEEZE!!!!!!!

They were smaller! I remember now! My nipples really don't stick out that much, but they are bigger around than they were! OH CRAP! I looked at them both back and forth several times with what must have been utter terror etched on my face. I asked them both at once, "Am I developing women's breasts?" OH NO!!!

Harriet jumped in and said, "No dear, you will not develop ‘large’ women's breasts, but you can develop small ones! Remember your mom had me take you to Doctor Purnell the next day?"

I remembered. "She took a lot of blood for tests remember? She also gave you a thorough and complete physical, which I remember you didn't like too much." She chuckled then.

My mom jumped in at this point and said, "The results of those tests and the physical showed you have a higher amount of estrogen in your system than most boys, not enough to make you a into girl, but more than enough to set you apart from most boys. You see, your testicles produce enough testosterone, which is the male hormone, to almost balance them both out. There are other things about your body you have not noticed either. What you believe you see is not really true."

What? Oh no, now this is getting to be a little too much!

Just then, someone rang the doorbell. This time nobody was going to be "saved by the bell."

It was Mrs. Brown. My mom hollered to her, "In here Grace, we are telling him about the results of all the tests and were just about to tell him what was found during the physical." (The physical? What about the physical?)

While my mother was talking, Grace walked in and she was carrying a large cloth bag with a shoulder strap. (Like a duffle bag, but nicer looking.) She also was carrying a large book. Mrs. Brown said, "Great, I have everything else we need right here. I also found a book that will show Ricky what we mean and what he can expect in the future." Well that was good news to me! Some answers with proof in pictures!

Now picture this, I was down to just wearing the panties and open robe by now. They have removed everything else and I did not even notice I was so intent on the new information I was being fed. I sat down looking at them, one to the other, back and forth, trying to put all of this new information in order, and trying to accept it. It seems there is still a war going on inside me between my male and female halves, especially in my head! I kept asking myself the same question. What am I?

My mom hollered at me then. She said, "RICKY!" real loud and I came back to earth and looked at her. She continued, "Now that you are with us again I wanted you to hear about what was found during your physical. This is also, why we thought you could do this change. Marjorie (Dr. Purnell) found more than a few differences with you."

**^**

Now the ladies were doing things and talking while I was lost in thought, DEEP THOUGHT! I was not aware of anything that was going on around me other than some movement and unrecognizable sounds.

I went over it all again to gain perspective and hopefully, retain my sanity. I admitted to myself that I was different from most boys. Okay, I can deal with that. I am enough of a boy with my own production of testosterone to keep me, at least while covered, looking like one.

I do not look like a girl or so I thought before the latest news! At least I do not look like a teenage girl! What do I have that is different? I have no Adams apple, like girls. Okay, I have larger nipples than boys do, but I do not have breasts like teenage girls.

Okay, without thinking I walked up to the mirrors and shrugged off my robe. I really looked at myself from head to toe then. I mean I really looked at myself! I started with my hair. I took out the ponytail and fluffed out my hair. Damn!

Then I took in my face. I looked at my nose and then my cheeks and my chin. No hair growing on my face like the other boys my age, not even peach fuzz! I looked at my lips they were full and looked soft. I smiled at my reflection and looked at my teeth white and straight. I looked into my own eyes, hazel eyes. They held my own gaze. Changing colors flashed within them. I looked at my lashes, full and long curving upward and the lower lashes curling down.

I looked at my neck, slim, muscled, and smooth. I looked at my shoulders sleek, muscled, and broad. I looked at my chest and saw large pink nipples slightly raised from my breasts. I looked at my breasts they were tight and firm. I reached up and touched them feeling the muscles underneath hard and un-yielding. I touched my nipples and saw them stiffen, harden, and push themselves outward toward my touch. Oh, so sensitive, I felt my own fingers causing sensations radiate inward and down. I then looked at my stomach trim, tight and the muscles clearly outlined against my skin. Ribs outlined my abdomen, clearly seen and hard.

I looked at my waist drawn tight separating my hips. I looked at my hips, clearly wider than my waist. I turned to view my buttocks. I pulled down the panties and looked hard at them. They were full and round, but tight and firm. I tightened them and saw the muscles bulge and show themselves.

I turned again and looked at my sex. A slight fuzz of hair growing above what I hoped was an average sized penis soft and flaccid; my scrotum, full, smooth, and soft no hair growing there either. I looked at my legs smooth with a slight fuzz of hair growing in spots here and there. I tightened them and saw the muscles show themselves clearly. I looked at my feet and toes size 8 regular. I saw what I saw and I acknowledged my differences. I now knew what I was, within and without I was me, to hell with all the rest! This is what I am! My true self is what lies within and without as one not separate and apart, but together as a whole!

I looked around in the mirrors and slowly became aware of three people looking at me closely. They were sitting at the kitchen table and smiling.

I smiled back and said, "This is me. This is what I am." No shame, no embarrassment, this is who I am. I turned to face them, my back towards the mirrors. I said, "I understand now, this is just a part of the whole. What I do with the outside must match what I do from the inside. I am neither a boy nor a girl, but some of both. They must be equal in my own eyes, body, soul, and mind."

My mom slipped my robe back on me and tied the sash. She then hugged me and kissed me, a mother's loving kiss on my lips. Harriet and Grace did the same. I felt whole and complete in a way.

I still lacked much needed knowledge of what it is like growing up as a girl. It was something I never knew or experienced. I had grown up different, more boy than girl. I still needed to know, I never really had been a daughter or sister. I needed to know what they knew and felt. As much as I could, I had to experience what they experienced. Half of me was ignorant to the ways of life I needed to be whole in mind as well as body. I HAD TO KNOW! I HAD TO EXPERIENCE! I HAD TO LEARN!...

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"Girls will be boys and boys will be girls, it's a ..." -- The Kinks

by Angel O'Hare

I HAD TO KNOW! I HAD TO EXPERIENCE! I HAD TO LEARN...

Mrs. Brown laid the book on the table and opened the duffle. She took out two boxes and laid them on the table. She continued emptying the duffle sorting as she went. There were bottles and more boxes of various sizes, mostly small ones. There were bags and tubes of creams.

Then I saw her take out some medical supplies. A medical kit of some kind, needles, and a couple of those bottles you see nurses draw medicine into a needle from. There was an ice bag, tape and several small packages that said sutures on them. (I hoped they were not planning on anything drastic here!) The site of those particular items started to panic me.

Grace saw my expression and said right away to me, "Don't worry Ricky!" She chuckled. "This is all part of a few kits I have brought. We will only be using a few items from each. I promise you that we will be doing nothing that cannot be removed or changed back by morning." She laughed then as I relaxed.

My mother was writing again, looking up, and smiling, now and then. Aunt Harriet had taken the covers off of the case she had brought and I could now see that it contained a dizzying array of different kinds of make-up and other items. I did not dare ask her what those other items were used for.

I looked over at Grace and she was putting on a white plastic apron that covered her from the neck to her ankles and wrapped completely around her body. She looked at me and said, "I don't want to have to wear this for long Ricky, it traps the body heat and gets very uncomfortable to wear after a short time. What we have to do is remove your body hair. We will use this cream (She held up this large bottle.) to do that. We have to spread it thickly all over your skin and leave it on for about ten minutes. This other tube is an ointment. (She held up a tube and showed me.) We spread this on the parts of your skin we don't want the other cream to reach. If we don't do this step you will burn in places you don't want to hurt ok?"

I told her I understood and it was ok. She then asked me to go with her to the full bath. I did. Harriet and my mom came with us each was carrying a box and a bottle of something.

We entered the full bath, Grace asked me to remove my robe, and I did. My mom took it from me. Grace had put on some gloves and so did Harriet. Harriet had the ointment and spread some on both of my nipples and then my male parts. She then covered my anal area and between my legs.

I have to admit the feelings were intense and something grew to the occasion! The women chuckled and Grace told me it was a natural reaction and not to worry. For some reason I was not worried or embarrassed at all. I figured my lack of embarrassment was due to the fact that I had nothing left to hide. They had seen and heard all from me by now. I trusted them! I loved them, yes, Grace as well.

When Harriet had finished Grace started to put a thick coating of the cream everywhere. She started at my ankles and started working upwards. My mother took a brush and while brushing my hair started pinning it up using Bobbie Pins. She took the blue shower cap and fixed it over my hair when she finished.

Grace was very careful when she reached my hip area and covered my buttocks. She asked Harriet to cover the small area of pubic hair I had with ointment. Harriet smiled and did just that. She was extra careful and it felt like she had drawn something. Grace continued spreading the cream all over me. My back and shoulders. She had me raise my arms and put the cream under my arms as well. They were done.

I had to stand there like that for six more minutes! I started to feel warm and the smell was not a pleasant one! I started to feel hot and the smell did not get any better! I got very hot! I felt like my skin was burning. The areas not covered by the cream were cool in a dramatic contrast. I could really feel the different areas!

Finally, Grace helped me to stand in the tub while she turned on the hand-held shower nozzle. She tested the water and then took a cloth in her other hand. My mom took it from her and told her to just do the rinsing. Harriet was holding a big fluffy towel. Grace started rinsing me with a soft spray. My mom wiped the cloth over my body that Grace was rinsing. They started at my ankles and worked up. The spots of hair I did have disappeared with each gentle caress of the cloth and the soft spray of the tepid water.

Soon all the cream was gone and my mom changed to a different cloth. This one was even softer than the last. Grace tested the water again and I could tell it was much warmer. She started to rinse my nipples and my mother gently washed off the ointment. OH MY! What sensations! LORDY! My whole body started to quiver! By the time both my nipples were cleaned of the ointment I was a quivering mess!

My mom told me she knew how good that had felt. Harriet and Grace just smiled and Harriet said to me, "Now you know how it feels when a girl has her nipples caressed. Boys do not have any where near the sensation with their nipples as we do!"

I was now very happy to have girl's nipples as part of my body! WOW! My mom kept gently caressing and Grace kept softly rinsing. I was in a special place. A place I had never been before, lost in sensations and feelings. The area they were now rinsing and caressing was too much for me to take! I quivered and moaned I almost fell to my knees. I felt the sensations building from my nipples to my toes and back between my legs and bottom!

I had to hold on to something and quickly! Harriet grabbed my arms as I reached the height of sensation. I was on overload, my whole body trembling, my knees buckling. My nipples got so tight and hard they shot sparks to every part of my body! My bottom tightened, my scrotum squeezed tightly and my whole body quivered, again and again until I felt a release that was too incredible to ever be able to put into words! It felt as if my penis had just burst as well. I fell against Harriet and just rested against her until my breathing came back to normal. I knew what masturbation felt like, I had enough experience with the one-handed bandit, but this was far and above anything, I had ever experienced before!

All three women looked at me with big smiles on their faces and my mom said to me, "Someone all boy could never experience what you just did Ricky."

Harriet laughed and hugged me real tight saying, "You better not get addicted to that, you could end up hurting yourself." All of us laughed at that.

Grace was smiling and told me, "Being both has its advantages and disadvantages, Ricky. This was one of the advantages. We will tell you and show you about everything we can, but you must remember to always stay in control when you can. If not you could easily find yourself in some kind of trouble."

With that said, Harriet started patting me dry. My mom said to me, "Honey, you should always pat yourself dry from now on. If you rub yourself, you will injure your skin. It is softer now and you need to be gentler with your skin." They helped me from the shower and as Grace removed the apron, my mom and Harriet spread lotion all over me. It felt cool and very soothing.

Harriet said to me, "Honey, from now on whenever you get out of the bath or shower make sure you massage lotion into your skin everywhere you can comfortably reach. It helps keep it moist and smooth. If you forget it can dry out quickly and that feels real uncomfortable and can drive you crazy."

Grace said, "It is much too steamy in here; let's go back to the kitchen to finish, okay?" We all agreed and my mom helped me back into my robe. We went back down to the kitchen. I was glad the little ones did not wake up! What had just happened would have been very difficult to explain.

Grace picked up the book she had laid on the table and found what she was looking for. She showed me the page and said, "Ricky, your first additions will be breasts. You see in these pictures the different types of prosthetics that are used today. These are used for women who have had one or more breasts removed due to cancer or other diseases and injuries. They are also used for younger girls and women that have not developed for different reasons."

My mom and Harriet each opened a box and showed me that each box held one of these breasts. They were a solid flesh color and in the center of each was the shape of a nipple. My mom handed the one she held to Grace and she handed it to me. It was heavy and felt squishy but firm. Grace said, "You can either just slip them into your bra or you can attach them to your skin using a special adhesive that we have right here."

She showed me a bottle of adhesive. It looked thick. "I highly recommend you use the adhesive. That way they will look natural and you will not ever have to worry about them shifting or falling out at the wrong time. The adhesive can be removed easily enough using this solution here." She showed me another bottle.

Grace continued, "You can leave these breasts attached to your skin for up to a week or more, but I recommend you remove them as soon as you can when you do not need to wear them. The adhesive contains a certain amount of estrogen and that is not good for you. It will make your nipples and breasts grow bigger over time. So, only wear them using the adhesive for a day or two, never longer than that if you can help it. Ricky, I have a very good friend who makes these for individuals that want a better quality and a custom fit to their bodies. If you accept the position offered you by Betty, we can have some very nice and very realistic ones made just for you. Try these first for awhile and see what they are like."

My mom spoke up then and opened another package. She held up a bra and said, "Honey, this is a well padded bra. You can wear this when you aren't wearing the breast forms."

I said, "I am standing here in just a robe and it is getting late and I am very tired. Can this wait until morning? I fear I won't be able to concentrate and learn what to do and when if this takes much longer."

They all chuckled then and Grace said, "I bet you are tired. We want you to experience some of this tonight and we will get you ready and continue the rest in the morning, okay?"

I said okay and Harriet spread a soft blanket across one end of the kitchen table. They had me remove my robe and lie on my back on the blanket. Grace took a marker, she called it a skin scribe, and made a few marks next to both of my breasts and then while Harriet and my mom spread adhesive on the insides of the breast forms Grace cleaned my breasts and nipples with a solution and then patted them dry and then she spread a thin coating of the adhesive on my breasts leaving my nipples free of the adhesive.

She took one of the forms and gently pressed and held it against me for about a minute and let go. She did the same with the other one. She took some of the adhesive remover and put it on a cotton ball and gently removed any excess adhesive not under the breast forms. She then told me to sit up. Oh Lord!

My mother said to me, "Honey, you are now the proud owner of nearly B-cup sized breasts."

I felt the weight! I felt them tugging on my skin underneath. They held their position, but when I moved, they jiggled! I couldn't really feel it. I reached up and held them they felt cool but I could not feel my touch on the breast forms. I had to press and move them to feel anything underneath. The color did not match my skin color and the contrast was noticeable.

I looked up and to my great surprise; Aunt Harriet had removed her blouse. She looked at me and smiled saying, "Your first lesson is how to put on your bra correctly."

My mom handed me a bra, and said, "We bought this for you after Grace called us with your sizes from Betty's shop." (WHAT?) That means they already expected me to get this far! They knew already what I was going to decide! I looked at my mom and before I could say anything, she spoke up, "Honey, we did not know what you would decide; we just decided to be ready just in case you did." I hate it when they read your mind! The Seven P's strike again!

I took the bra from her and I looked at Harriet. She looked at me, reached behind her back, and unhooked her bra. She pulled it away from her and let her breasts fall free. They were very nice and bigger than my fake ones. She had brown nipples not pink. They were even bigger than mine are. Her breasts were firm and her nipples I could see were hard and pointy like mine were in the shower. She smiled even bigger and said, "I can't keep calling you 'Ricky' when you look like you do, so you will be 'Honey' until you pick a girl's name, okay?"

Pick a girl's name for myself? That made sense so I agreed.

Aunt Harriet came over, standing close and facing me she said, "Slip your arms into your bra like this, then hold it like this." I did just as she did. She continued, "Now lean forward a little so your breasts are just in the cups." I did as she did.

She then said while showing me how, "Hold the ends of your bra so you can feel the clasps on both ends." I did but it was awkward for me. She said, "Bring the two ends together and hook them." I tried but was having a lot of difficulty.

They all laughed at this and my mom said, "Honey, let me show you the easy way." She took my bra from me and looked at Harriet saying, "You would have to start with the hard way. Now show her the easy way." (HER?)

I caught that! I did not say anything though. I would be doing a lot of thinking if I stayed awake long enough! Harriet removed her bra again and showed me the easy way. Now this made a lot more sense and was a lot easier! She had turned the bra so the cups were to her back. She then fastened the clasps in the front and the pulled the cups back in front again. She put her arms in and pulled the bra up and over her breasts.

I did the same. My breasts now firmly held in the cups. Grace came over to me and said we had to make a small adjustment. She showed me how to tighten the cups by adjusting these little slides on the straps. Yes, that was better!

It had gotten late by then and we all looked at each other and noticed everybody looked tired. My mom announced that Grace and Harriet would be sleeping over so we could get an early start in the morning. Thank you! I was very tired!

My mom looked at me, and chuckled saying; "Haven't you forgotten something? Here put these on." She then handed me a pair of shiny blue panties. Once I had put them on she told me to raise my hands in the air and I did.

Harriet came up from behind me and slipped something soft and light over my hands and head. It slipped over my shoulders easily but got caught up on my breasts. I pulled it down and saw I was now wearing a sheer blue nightgown. It came down to just above my knees.

All three women said, "Welcome to girlhood, Honey!" They all gave me a hug and kissed me. Finally, I was able to crawl into bed...

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"But the thing-a-ma-bob that does the job is..." -- Walt Disney's Cinderella

Finally I was able to crawl into bed...

I walked out of the room with my mind in a place I have never experienced before. All the new information and physical sensations I experienced; had it really only been since that morning, fourteen hours of one single day! Everything that happened that day swirling and twirling at light speed, each individual bit of information and sensation trying to be understood, acknowledged, and assimilated. Did it all happen in one single day? Was my life so out of balance since my birth?

I turned to look back into the kitchen and saw the three women settling down into chairs. The coffee maker made gurgling noises announcing the promise of fresh brewed energy. I had no energy! I felt drained and exhausted in mind and body. I saw one last glimpse of myself in the mirrors as I made the turn toward bed and much needed sleep. Was that reflection reality? NO! I'm dreaming! That's it! I am actually asleep in my bed and this was one long never-ending dream! I will wake up soon and life will be as it always has been! YES, that's it!

I was looking back at the reflection in my dream when I turned and walked shoulder first, into the wall! OUCH! Oh no! This *is* reality! I looked at myself, I had breasts and was wearing a nightgown! I had on panties and when I felt my head, I had a plastic cap covering it! My exhaustion evaporated in a nanosecond. I knew then I would not sleep any that night!

At the thud sound when my shoulder had hit the wall, my mom came rushing toward me concern written on her face. I looked at her and asked, "I'm not dreaming am I?"

My mother hugged me tight and said, "No, Honey, this is not a dream. Are you okay? You look lost."

I looked into her eyes deeply, trying to understand her words. I was lost somewhere in between two worlds. It seemed to me right then that there were two realities. One reality was outside and one lay within, each struggling to come together.

I had to find the key that would open the door that separated them from each other. The key I did not find deep within my mother's eyes. What I found deep within them was love, concern, compassion and something new I had never seen before. I saw oneness, a belonging, and openness. I knew that she would not keep anything hidden from me as before. No secret thoughts or knowledge would be kept from me ever again. I knew I could ask her anything and she would tell me honestly and openly. With this new knowledge, I had to know! I had to find that key!

I was awake, but not awake. I let her guide me back into the kitchen. I let her help me to sit in a chair. I must have been shaking because Grace came over and helped me into my robe.

She took my face in both her hands. Lifting until our eyes met, she smiled and said, "I have known you but a short time, but I know that look! I know what you are asking yourself just by looking into your eyes. Those beautiful hazel eyes tell your story in their flashes of color."

She chuckled then and said, "Did you know whenever you are thinking and deciding about something your eyes flash with color? They actually flash and change colors faster. Your pupils get larger as if they are trying to see everything at the same time. Your eyes are our way of seeing your true self. I can tell you are lost deep within and it is time we do something about it." She chuckled again and caressed my face gently and very softly with her fingertips.

I heard my Aunt Harriet as if she was away in the distance saying, "Yes! Her eyes, they do flash and her pupils are huge!" I realized then that Harriet was right next to me and she was looking in my eyes. She sounded so far away. I was so lost in my own self.

The fingers that were caressing me slowed and drifted to a stop. I reached and took hold of the hands so near my face and looked at them. So pretty, soft and delicate. The nails were dancing with a colored glossiness. They looked like they were made of Amethyst. I became aware of smells then. I could smell a hint of several perfumes mixed with the smell of fresh brewing coffee. I could smell chemicals so different from the others. I started to feel again, my physical body slowly joining my mind. I could feel the hands I was holding with my own. I slowly began to refocus on my surroundings. I focused from the seemingly bejeweled nails, to the hands, and then to the person.

She was smiling down at me with a knowing look. I desperately needed that look! Knowing! I had to know! All my questions streamed to the surface at light speed. It was as if they knew on their own that the answers would be found! I once again rejoined the here and now. I looked around me and smiled. I WOULD KNOW! All I had to do was ask. Not an easy thing to do at this moment though.

I first would have to organize the zillion questions screaming to be asked all at one time. I needed some order! I needed to ask the questions in such a way as to answer many by asking only a few. I needed some time. I needed time for the Seven P's! That's it! I was back and thinking clearly once again. I looked at my mother and asked, "Could we have some of that great smelling coffee now?"

The mood in the room changed in an instant, from a mixture of concern and frightened urgency, to one of calm and certainty. I looked at each woman and saw relief and happiness, a purpose and a surety in their mannerisms. Grace sat in the chair closest to me still letting me hold her hands.

I smiled and let her hands go free. I stretched then like a cat waking from slumber. From my toes upward, stretching each muscle as I slowly stood and then relaxed. The blood started flowing again. I could feel my heart pounding and my blood flowing through my veins. I was back! The coffee tasted so good! It seemed all my senses were heightened to their peak of awareness.

We were all sitting at the kitchen table, the women looking at me, waiting patiently for my first question. I took another sip of coffee and found the first key question to ask. I looked at my mother and asked her, "When did you know that I was really different from other boys?" I knew that the answer to this question would be the start of what to ask next.

My mother looked at me with an expression of openness, smiled and answered. "When you asked me to take you shopping so you could buy Terry a present, she had just turned five remember?"

Harriet jumped in, "I remember that! Julia, you called me and we must have talked for hours that evening." She chuckled and continued with, "You were so surprised Ricky could go shopping in the girl's section without a second thought! That he had walked up to a saleslady and asked her help in finding certain things." She started laughing and continued with, "You told me he was so surprised the saleslady asked you if she was serious!" She really started laughing then! She couldn't talk anymore.

My mother looked at Grace and told her, "Terry just turned 5 and was starting school. She had confided in Ricky that she was afraid all the kids would laugh at her because she had to wear diapers. Ricky had told her that if she could use her potty chair and not wet her diapers during the day he would get her a wonderful surprise. A surprise so wonderful she would never have to wear diapers during the day anymore. He had told her if she had to go pee-pee to come and get him and he would take her diapers off so she could use her potty chair. Well, she did more than that!"

My mother really chuckled then and when she was through she continued, "Terry always wore dresses and she asked Ricky to take her diaper off so she could use the potty chair. Well, it took a little while to get her plastic panties off and get the diapers unpinned. She started to tinkle before she got to the chair, but she made it. When she was done, she was so happy! While Ricky was washing her, she asked him not to put her diapers back on. It seems she had realized it took too long to get them off. She wanted to be able to use her potty chair on her own."

My mother and Harriet laughed and Grace asked me what I had decided. I answered, "Well, all she had was diapers and no panties. She would only wear dresses, so I figured why not. It would save her time and give her the confidence she needed. It would also let her go by herself without needing anyone else. My only problem was when we had to go anywhere." I chuckled then and told Grace how I had to convince her to wear her diapers when we went outside. "You can't have a 5 year old girl wandering around outside with a bare bottom."

My mother continued the story. "Well, Terry from that time on never wet herself while she was in the house during the day again! So Ricky had to get her the surprise he promised her."

Grace said, "Okay, but what about the saleslady?"

Harriet just had to finish the story so she jumped in again, "Julia told the saleslady that she should do whatever Ricky asked of her. Well, that poor saleslady was the embarrassed one, not Ricky!" They all laughed and I joined in.

Grace then asked me what I had bought Terry. Boy do I remember that! I answered, "Terry loves frills, but I also knew she would need training pants because of the dribbles. I asked the saleslady where the frilliest little girl's panties were and if they had thick training pants for little girls as well. They did have them so I picked out ten pairs of real frilly panties, five her size and five more that would fit over the training pants. I bought her five pairs of the thickest training pants they had. That saleslady made me real mad once I had got everything I wanted though."

My mother and Harriet started laughing real hard then and Grace gave me the look that means I had better explain so I did.

"Well, when I got to the register to pay for them that lady asked me if I was sure I got the right size. She said they looked too small to fit me!" Now everybody was laughing. I wasn't, I did not think it was funny at all!

I continued to help redeem myself. "I told her they were for my little sister and not for me!" I stopped at that and looked at Grace who was still laughing.

My Aunt just could not let it rest and said, "You didn't finish the story Ricky." She looked at Grace and continued while my mom looked at me laughing and shaking her head yes, that this part would answer my original question. I was not going to finish the story. I had understood the answer without having to continue.

Grace looked at me and said, "You have to finish it! TELL ME!"

So I did. "The saleslady after I had told her they were for my little sister didn't stop talking. She told me it was so nice of me to buy my sister such pretty things and even though I was a Tomboy and since I was a big girl now, I should start dressing like one! I told her I was not a girl, I was a boy, and she didn't believe me! She had to ask my mom!" They were all laughing now! OH GEEZE!!!

Grace stopped laughing first and said to me, "Ricky, I know why she didn't believe you. Your longer hair and you have no Adams apple. That is the first thing that stands out on a boy, the Adams apple that and one other thing." They all started laughing again when she said that! Oh GEEZE!

So now I knew it was only a little more than year ago that my mother thought me any different from any other boy. So now for my second question, "Mom, how did you decide that I needed to know about being different?"

My mother paused for a second thinking. (She knew, she just wanted to word it right.) BUT!

Aunt Harriet always had to be the one to seize the moment when a good story can be told started, "I know, remember Halloween, Julia?" (OH brother! I remembered! Now I knew that I was set up again!) "It was like this Grace; Julia had called me about a plan she had to see if Ricky was one of those boys that could be both a boy and a girl. You see he has a real hard time making friends with boys his own age, they always wanted him to do stupid things he was not interested in doing. They also wanted him to just hang out and he hated that. Add to that he is always in great physical shape but didn't partake in any sports. He always put his family duties above everything else. So the boys just shunned him and started calling him names like mama's-boy and things like that. The lack of free time always hurt his social life until some of the girls started coming over."

My mom added, "YES! I was surprised, one day they just started showing up to hang around with Ricky and even helped him with the little ones and the housework! When they were here, I noticed he fit in without even trying. I mean it was a natural part of him to just act as they did. It seemed like an automatic reaction on his part. Halloween was coming up in a couple of weeks and he always took Terry Trick-or-Treating and to our neighbors' house after because they always had a party for the little kids in the neighborhood. He would complement her costume by being part of what she was. If she were a princess, he would be a prince. This year I asked Terry what she wanted to be and she picked the Fairy Godmother from Cinderella. Ricky couldn't really think of anything he could be to compliment her choice and left it up to me. I knew I had to get some good measurements and told him I was renting the costumes this year. I even measured his head for a wig, but he thought it was for a hat. I did not tell him otherwise."

My mom chuckled and continued, "I planned it so I brought the costumes home with just enough time for them to get ready and go out." (I was shocked that she would have done this on purpose to me. She deceived me into thinking it was a mistake by the costume shop and I could not let Terry down, she would have cried for days. So I was stuck, everybody HAD to be in costume for the party after. No exceptions and Terry had to be at that party. My mom would not be home. She was tacking Jerry to Harriet's!)

"The costume I had rented for him was Cinderella. I had put the costumes in one big box and had Ricky carry it into Terry's room. Terry was so excited and I had her costume on top. I pulled everything of her costume out and told Ricky just to bring the box with his costume into his room and start getting ready. I started getting Terry dressed when I heard Ricky holler out MOM! I told Him I would be finished in a few minutes with Terry, to just start getting ready and we were running late. Ricky hollered again saying MOM! THEY MADE A BIG MISTAKE! I finished getting Terry ready and went into Ricky's room. He was just standing there in his briefs looking at what he had spread out on his bed. I faked being very shocked and then started the 'what a shame this happened' and 'Terry would be so disappointed and heart broken' ploy. I knew he would never let his sister down. He could never hurt her. I knew this even though he didn't."

They all chuckled at this and Aunt Harriet jumped in again. "That was when I showed up. I saw Terry looking so cute and I asked her where Ricky was. She looked worried and said he was in his room with mommy. I asked her, what the matter was because she looked sad. She told me that Ricky had hollered there was a mistake with his costume. I told her I would find out and not to worry. I asked her if Ricky had ever let her down and she said no and smiled. I went up the stairs and walked in Ricky's room, said Terry is downstairs, and she is almost in tears. She doesn't think Ricky is going to take her tonight. What's wrong? The look on Ricky's face told the whole story! If I could have taken a picture right then! He looked at me then Julia, and said I don't know how to dress like this! That is when I told him I would help him and sent Julia down to cheer up Terry."

I jumped in then and said, "To make a long story short, she helped me alright. With make up and everything. The stupid costume even came with a damn petticoat! I took Terry out and thank the powers above nobody recognized me until the party.

My mom and Harriet both said at the same time, "Oh, yes, they did!" (OH GEEZE! I hate when they do that!)

I jumped in before they could add any more and told Grace, "At the party it became very difficult for me at first. Everybody knew who I was, when they saw Terry and me holding hands. Barbara and her mother made a big thing out of it and I swear I was going to die right their! Not only did they make us both pose for pictures, but some of the other mothers took our picture as well. I really did just want to die then! Terry was in heaven though and she just kept hugging me and telling me as she put it, 'The best-est brother in the whole world.' Barbara just wouldn't leave me alone either. I had to pose with her and she was dressed as a pirate! Then the other mothers had to gush over me! It was one of the worst nights of my life! I was very glad when it was over, but then Barbara and her mother asked Terry and me to stay for a little while and help clean up. We did and all Terry did was run around playing. Mrs. Nelson even put an apron on me. She said, 'to protect my pretty costume from getting dirty.' We were just about done when she came in with her camera flashing again! I was finally able to get Terry and go home to change."

My mother had a photo album in her hands (Now when did she get that?) and handed it to Grace. Oh GEEZE! Yes, there were the pictures! Wow, did I really look like that?

Now it was time for another cup of coffee and my next question. We all refilled our coffee cups and sat down again. I was just about to ask my third question when my mom said, "Ricky, I want to answer your second question fully. When I saw you acting just like the girls were when you were with them, it was then I decided you had to experience at least a little of what they experienced everyday of their lives. I was right! Rita, (Barbara's mother, Mrs. Nelson) called me that night when I got home and told me everything. She said when you were alone with Barbara you acted just like a young lady. It was only when you were with all the other people at the party that you acted nervous. But, even then you acted more like a young lady than a boy in a dress. She even told me that several of the mothers did not believe you were a boy at all and believed she set this up as a joke for the party. Those women left, still thinking you were the perfect young lady."

THANK YOU MOM! Well, it was now time for me to ask my third and I made it a multi-part question.

I looked at each of them to get some seriousness back in the conversation and had to ask Grace to put the album away. She did and I asked my third multi-part question. "You do realize I have to remove all this before it's time for the little ones to get up. I won't have my little sister and brother waking up and seeing me like this. So, this is my question. If you have planned this as you have told me for a month or more and are determined I go through with this and I believe you do. How in the world am I going to be training as an androgynous male at Mrs. Brown's facility and then turn into a teenage girl to go to Betty's? All this and keep my sanity? Where am I going to stay? What am I and you going to tell everybody we know including our relatives when they see me as a teenaged girl? You know it is unavoidable that at sometime it will get out and I will be found out." I sat quietly and awaited the answers to my multiple-fired questions...

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy.

"Chantilly Lace had a pretty face and a ponytail hangin' down..." -- J.P. Richardson

A Life Ever Changing #14
Ponytail

by Angel O'Hare

...I sat quietly and awaited the answers to my multiple fired questions...

My mother was the first to start talking. Grace smiled and went back to looking at the photo album and Harriet moved over next to Grace and started describing the pictures. I really could not pay attention with them whispering over the pictures. I asked them to move into the living room if they just had to talk to each other. Grace decided to close the album. Harriet for once kept quiet.

My mother began again, "First thing is, no you will not change out of anything. Instead, you will be transformed into the young lady we all know exists within you. Ricky, you don't even think about being anything different. You just are what you are. Dressed as a boy and left in charge of things what do you do? You always do what is best for the other person. You never think of yourself first! The only times I have heard you mention yourself with a problem has always been about the lack of time you have, not your clothes or money.

"Not even your lack of male friends. You told me many times that when you did get with a few of the guys they have always turned into idiots! They wanted to do stupid and hurtful things. You used to tell me you could never be yourself, because everything they did as a group turned into a proving ground or a contest. You had better things to do with the little free time you had. So what did you decide to do Ricky?"

Aunt Harriet always paying attention for a chance to add her two cents worth jumped in here. She said, "You decided to earn some money on your own."

She turned to Grace and continued, "Mr. Nelson had given Ricky an old lawnmower when Fred (Mr. Nelson) bought a new one for himself. Ricky went to the library and got books on lawn mower repair and restoration. He took apart his lawn mower completely and rebuilt it making it like new and even better than it was before."

She laughed and my mother jumped in then. (They both do this all the time you see. Harriet and my mom are always jumping in and out of each-others conversations! It drives me crazy sometimes, LIKE NOW!) My mom continued the story, "Fred actually offered to buy it back from Ricky! He offered him $100.00 dollars for it! I bet he only paid $50.00 for the mower brand new. Well, Ricky refused to sell it telling Fred that he needed it to make some extra money. Fred being persistent told Ricky $100.00 was a hell of a lot of extra money."

She looked like she was going to laugh then but choked it back. (I think she thought Harriet would steal the rest of the story from her if she did laugh.) "Ricky told Fred that he would make a lot more than a hundred dollars mowing lawns in the neighborhood. That is exactly what Ricky did. He went door to door pushing that mower everywhere he went. That is what he did with his free time. Ricky was nine years old!"

Grace asked me, "Ricky, you were only nine and you had already decided hanging out with the boys was a waste of your time?"

I answered, "Well, yes. I did do some things with them, like fixing their broken bicycles and stuff, but mostly I went on my own and made some money doing lawns and yard work. I got to meet lots of nice people and that is when I really got to make friends with the girls. You see while I was mowing the lawns and doing yard work, all the boys were out playing somewhere. The girls were at each other's houses playing together. I mean they played with each other not against one another! The games they played and the things they did were to have fun and enjoy each other's company. The boys did just the opposite! Whenever boys get together, there are winners and losers. Somebody always goes home feeling bad or hurt. To me that is not fun at all."

Grace asked me another question. "Okay, Ricky, but how did you actually meet and make friends with the girls?"

I told her, "I would meet the parents first of course. You know, asking them if they needed someone to mow their lawn, or do some yard work. The people that mostly hired me were the mothers or older people who couldn't do it themselves. They would always ask me in or bring me something to eat and drink. Well, some of the time they sent their daughters or a girl related to them somehow. Sometimes a group of girls would be playing and they would all come over together. That's how I first got to really meet and talk to them. It was great! I learned a lot from them. The best part was I could just be me, no contests to prove myself the best, no fighting another boy just to show off."

I continued, "I also got some other jobs as well. They called it a lady's helper. All I had to do is what I already did at my house. Once a few of the ladies found out I knew how to do household tasks correctly, like laundry, vacuuming, mopping, and waxing. The word got around really quickly!" (I laughed thinking back on how quick the word did get around.) "Within one day I was getting calls! It was hard work, but fun too! I got to be good friends with a lot of ladies. Some of them didn't have any daughters or their child was like Jerry. I made lots of money!"

Grace laughed. "I bet you did!"

Harriet jumped in and added, "It wasn't all fun. I remember him coming home complaining about a few things. Like when he had to wear aprons. Or when he got really dirty doing something for them and they made him bathe as they washed and dried his clothes."

She laughed and my mom jumped in telling Grace, "You should ask him about the Bridal Shower he was hired to help with!"

I really hollered, "MOTHER!!!"

But, it was too late now. Grace looked at me with her eyebrows raised and that funny smile she has. You know the look! With out saying a word and by the facial expressions alone they are telling you to spill it! So, I sighed and I do mean one of those deep long-winded type sigh's of defeat.

"Okay" I said. "First thing though is that I didn’t know it was going to be a Bridal Shower! I was only told I was going to help set up and serve at a party. I wouldn't have taken the job if I had known it was an all female thing! Let me set this up right so I don't have to go over anything after ok?"

Grace said, "Okay."

I continued. "This took place one day before my birthday. It was August 30th and a very hot day. It was already like eighty degrees early in the morning. The other thing I should mention is, as you know I hate to cut my hair. So, this is at the end of summer and my hair was over my collar. I usually wore a headband to keep it out of my eyes as I did on this particular morning. I wore my dressy pair of shorts and a nice button down shirt thinking this would be okay to wear while I was serving the guests.

"I arrived at Mrs. Benning's house at seven-thirty in the morning as she asked me to. She had told me to go to the back door and just come in and I did. She was there sitting at her kitchen table drinking orange juice. I was surprised because she had on a light nightgown and panties that you could see right through! She gave me a glass of O.J. and had me sit while she read from a list going over what needed to be done before the party. There was a lot to do!

"She told me I looked really cute in my outfit and asked if that is what I was going to wear to serve in. I said yes and she said I would have to be real careful not to get it dirty.

"She got up and went to her pantry and came back with the widest and frilliest apron I ever saw! You would not believe it if you saw it! It was yellow with little pink flowers printed all over it. There was yellow and pink lace sewn in rows from the waist down to the bottom hem! It had puffy sleeves that had elastic to hold the ends against your arms. I always thought aprons hung around your neck and had a bib-like front, not this one! This one had a stretchy shirt pull over top and it was only from the waist you wrapped around and tied!

"She laid this over a chair and we went over everything once more. She told me that we would have a little time to clean up and get ready before I had to start serving. She took me around her house and showed me were to set up different decorations. The decorations were in boxes and bags ready to be put up. Then she told me what bathrooms to show the guests to if they asked me."

I paused to drink some of my coffee and then continued. "I was about to start setting up the decorations when Mrs. Benning told me to wait a minute. She went into the kitchen and came back with that apron! She asked me if I wanted to wear it to keep from getting my clothes dirty and I told her no! I said I would be real careful and not to worry. She looked at me and in a warning tone added, 'Ricky, you had better be real careful because you won't have time to go home and change.'

"I said I would and began setting up. She went up stairs to change and then to do what ever she was going to be doing. It took me about an hour or two to complete setting up the decorations and that is when I knew I was in some kind of trouble."

Grace interrupted, "What kind of trouble?"

I told her, "The decorations were for a Bridal Shower! Mrs. Benning came down the stairs dressed in work clothes and asked me if I knew how to wrap gifts. I did and told her my mother had taught me how to wrap the fancy and easy ways. She looked over the decorations I had put up and told me I had done a great job.

"She had me come up stairs with her into a small bedroom. It was her daughter's room. There were about twenty or so paper bags from different stores on the floor. She told me to sit on the bed and wait a minute. She left and came back with two big boxes of wrapping supplies. She told me she was a horrible wrapper and was very glad I knew how to do it nicely. She told me she would pick the items I was to wrap and I should pick out the right sized box and do the rest. This turned out to be very embarrassing for me."

Grace gave me that look which asked why. I told her, "You know what kind or gifts they give to girls at Bridal Showers?"

Grace chuckled and nodded so I continued. "Mrs. Benning would pick out something and every time she would ask me what I thought, GEEZE! I was in a very difficult situation. I had to be nice and compliment her on her choices of gifts! What else could I do, hurt her feelings? I had to tell her that they were pretty and all that every time, from panties and bras, to nightgowns and slips! She had bought her daughter very sexy things a Garter belt, stockings, and a white corset too!

"A few times she would ask me if ‘I’ liked them! I told her yes and they were very pretty. What else could I say? I had to refold everything to get them to fit well in the boxes. That wasn't easy when Mrs. Benning would unfold each item to show me! That is what took me so long wrapping everything."

I took another small break to get another cup of coffee. My mom and Harriet told me to hurry up and get to the good parts of the story. I answered, "GEEZE!"

I continued, "Mrs. Benning asked me to help her in the kitchen saying, 'Ricky, I need your help with making the punch and setting it on the serving table okay?' I said okay and we went into the kitchen. She told me to get the punch bowl and put it on the counter and I did. She handed me a can opener and told me to open the juice cans and I did that. She went and got some Vodka and a few other bottles. She told me which cans to pour in and she added a little of this booze and a little of that booze to it as I poured the different flavored juices in the bowl. It got pretty full before she stopped adding stuff. She handed me a big spoon and told me to stir and I did. She then had me slice up lemons, limes, and oranges and she added them. Then she had me carry it back in and put it on the serving table. That is when disaster struck me."

Grace smiled already knowing what was going to happen.

"I tried my best not to spill any but the bowl was just too heavy and full. It spilled on my shirt and by the time I got it from the kitchen to the living room, my shorts as well as my shirt were stained and sticky with the punch! Not that much, but enough to ruin my clothes if I didn't rinse them out right away!

"Mrs. Benning acted surprised that I had spilled some of the punch and told me to come with her right away. She took me up to her bathroom and told me, 'Ricky, we have to wash them out right away or they will be ruined. Hurry up and take them off while I go and get you something to put on.'

"I did and saw it had gotten through to my underpants as well. I kept them on anyway and covered myself with a towel. Mrs. Benning came back in with that damn apron and had me stand in the tub. She pulled the towel away noticed my stained underpants and told me to take them off and I reluctantly did. She told me she had to clean the sticky stuff off me. I told her I could do it and she chuckled. She handed me some soap shaped like a flower and it smelled like one to! She handed me a washcloth and told me to shower quickly and left.

"I washed myself real well and as fast as I could. When I was done, I turned off the shower and stepped out of the tub. Mrs. Benning was right there holding a towel! All of my clothes were gone. I was real embarrassed as she dried me everywhere! She wasn't done either, because she pulled out this puffy thing and patted me all over with it including between my legs and bottom! It was powder and it smelled like the soap!

"She told me to raise-up my arms as she was holding that damn apron! I didn't raise my arms though and told her I didn't want to be bare under the apron because you could see through it. I did not want to be naked anyway, but especially when she could see right through the apron! She told me she could fix the problem and nobody would be able to see through the apron when she was done. She left telling me to stay right there. Like I would be going anywhere naked!

"When she came back in she said she had found a few things that would solve the problem. She had a few of her daughter's things when 'she was my age.’ She had a white undershirt with no sleeves and a flower sewn on the neckline. She put that on me. Then she had a pair or white panties with pink and blue flowers printed on them! She put these on me! Then to my utter horror, she had a crinoline just like my little sister likes to wear! She put this on me as well.

"She smiled real big like she was very happy and told me to raise my arms up. She put that damn apron on me, wrapped the ties around me twice, and tied them into a big bow in the back! There was a mirror on the back of the bathroom door. One of those long ones and what I saw made we want to hide!

"Mrs. Benning told me that she had to wash my socks and sneakers as well, because they had gotten punch on them. I just looked at her like okay, so what now? She had me go with her into her room and sit on the bed. I did and she hollered at me to stand back up!

"I stood up real fast and she showed me how I was supposed to sweep both my hands over my bottom holding 'MY DRESS and PETTICOAT' so it wouldn't get wrinkled when I sat down! She then went to her closet and came back with a pair of yellow knee socks with pink flowers embroidered on them! Just like the apron and the same shade of yellow!

"I smelled a rat then! She had a pair of white shiny Mary Jane shoes as well. I wasn't surprised they fit me either! I knew I had been set up! This wasn't an apron at all! It was a stupid party dress and those other things weren't her daughter's! They were brand new and for me! She wasn't done yet either!

"She brushed my hair and tied it into a ponytail high up on my head. She had me stand up and turn around in front of her. I WAS MAD! I WAS REAL MAD! She took me by the hand and led me to a full-length mirror in her closet; she had a big walk-in closet. She asked me, 'Ricky, what do you see in the mirror?'

"I said I saw 'me dressed as a little girl in a party dress!' She said, 'I see a very mad little girl all dressed for a party.'"

I looked at Grace and said, "Can you just picture what I looked like? I was red faced with a very mad expression. Everything else looked like a little girl! Mrs. Benning told me I really didn't have any choice in the matter. I could be a pretty little girl or a very mad little boy dressed like a little girl. It was my choice, which I would be.

"She also said, 'Ricky, I planned this as you know. I have always liked you and so has my daughter. We know you are earning money for your family and I promise if you do this, we will give you a $2.00 bonus, that's $60.00 for a few hours work. You are very gentle and really too cute to be a boy. When I first met you, as well as Margie (her daughter), we both thought you to be a girl dressed as a boy. We still think of you this way.'

"She chuckled and added, 'All of the ladies you do work for think this as well. I promise you nobody is going to laugh at you or make fun of you. We all wanted to see you dressed as a little girl your age. We were all in on this and we would dearly love you to do this for us. Think of it as your present to Margie. She is really looking forward to seeing you and you would be making us all very happy.' She had a look of pleading on her face as she waited for my response.

"I asked her, 'Are there going to be any kids my age at the party?' She said no children would be coming to the party. I told her, 'If any of the kids found out I will be beaten up at school and made fun of for the rest of my life! I would never be able to show myself again.'

"She then said, ‘Oh Ricky, don't worry about that. We are the ones asking you to do this for us! We all love you too much to put you at risk. I promise you that no one will say anything to put you in any danger or to ruin your reputation ok?'

"I answered, 'Ok, but I am real embarrassed and nervous about this.'

"Mrs. Benning said, 'Just a little more attention to detail and we will be done okay?'

"I just looked at her and nodded. She had me sit at her vanity and she did something to my eyelashes and added some pink lipstick. She stepped away motioning to my reflection in the mirror and said, 'I now present Rachel, the Spring Hill Women's Club's new daughter!' I looked at my reflection and could not believe what I was seeing! I really did look just like a nine year-old girl ready for a party!"

I looked at my mother, Harriet and Grace and said, "I blocked out that memory because it was just too much for me to believe. It's funny, but I really had forgotten all about that day! Not one of the ladies or even Margie had ever mentioned it again after that day and evening. I guess I just didn't want to ever remember it. It was just too embarrassing and overwhelming for me to ever want to remember."

My Aunt Harriet looked at me and gave me a loving smile saying, "They kept their word to you 'RACHEL.' They never mentioned it to me and I know if Julia knew she would have told me."

My mom said, "They never mentioned it to me, Rachel, not once did I ever here anything about it."

I looked at them and said, "I guess my name is Rachel, then?" They all laughed and agreed it fit and was a good name for me to use.

Grace wanted to know more about how the party went and especially how everybody there treated me. My memories of that day and evening came flooding back after years of being suppressed deep in the back of my mind. I struggled for a time trying to remember what happened after Mrs. Benning had dressed me all up and did my eyes and lips. I took this time to get up and make another pot of coffee for all of us. WE were really going to need it! I asked them to give me the time it took for the coffee to be ready and they agreed. They all looked at the photo album until I, and the coffee were ready.

I brought the pot back to the table and refilled all the cups then put the pot back on the heating element of the coffee maker and returned sitting at the table. I looked at each of them and started making my memories into words once again.

"Mrs. Benning read my expression and picked me up in her arms, hugged me close and kissed me. She put me down and asked me if I would mind going downstairs while she took her shower and got dressed. She told me I should do this just in case someone showed up early and I could answer the door. I told her I would be very nervous to do that if she wasn't there with me so she let me stay in her room and wait. What I did not expect was for her to undress in front of me!

"I tried to keep looking away, but I was drawn by something to watch how she did what she was doing. She didn't get embarrassed or at least I did not notice her trying to hide or turn red. She just undressed as if it was something she did everyday. Undressing in front of a little boy dressed as a little girl that is.

"I remember asking myself how she was able to bend her arms back like that when she unhooked her bra from behind her back. What I remember the most was her breasts. The way they fell free as she removed her bra, and the way she put her hands under them and rubbed a little. I noticed that whenever she moved, they moved as well jiggling and bouncing depending on her movements. She took out a matching set of bra and panties from a drawer and walked into the bathroom.

"While she was starting the shower she asked me to go to the living room and bring her back a glass of the punch. I said ok and headed downstairs to do just that. I was at the bottom stair when I heard a knock on the door. I was scared! I went to the door and I heard another knock, harder and more insistent than the last one.

"I opened the door and a lady I never met before was standing there with a present in her hand. She gave me a nice smile and walked past me into the house. I closed the door and turned to her. She asked me were she could put the present and I told her I would do that for her. She handed me the present and asked me my name. I told her I was Rachel and she introduced herself.

"I can't remember her name. Well, anyway, I put her present in the right location and returned and asked her to sit and if she would like a glass of punch. I told her I was getting one for Mrs. Benning when she knocked. She asked me where Mrs. Benning was and I told her she was finishing getting ready for the party. The lady (I wish I could remember her name!) looked at me funny for a second and then just smiled and told me she did not want any punch just yet.

"I got a glass of punch for Mrs. Benning and went back upstairs. I remembered to bring a coaster because the furniture was all so nice. Mrs. Benning was just turning off the shower as I returned so I told her that so and so had arrived. She smiled taking the glass from me. She pointed to a spot on her vanity for me to put the coaster. I did and she asked me to dry her back!

"I started to do just that and she told me to pat it dry and not rub. So, I did it that way. I stopped when I was done with her back and she told me to keep going so I did. She finished sipping the punch, emptying the glass as I finished drying the backs of her legs and she thanked me. She put the glass on the coaster turning to me, and asked if I would mind going back down and keeping the lady company.

"I said I would and left her drying herself. I remember thinking about her having a lot of hair in between her legs in front. That is all I could see was hair. I wondered what was underneath. I knew there had to be something that made her a woman and not a man, but I just didn't know what." (I chuckled at the memory and the others did as well.)

"I went back downstairs and there was another lady there. This one I knew as Mrs. Larrabe and she got all excited seeing me! She ran over and gave me a big hug and a kiss as she was telling me I was so pretty and adorable; she just kept gushing over me like that and made me turn around in a circle for her.

"She called me by name! She said, 'Oh Rachel, you are even more pretty than we ever imagined you!'

"The other lady looked at me and slowly smiled and asked Mrs. Larrabe 'This is her?' That was the way it went, each time another lady came. I was treated just like any little girl would be I guess. Not really knowing how a little girl is treated at an all Lady event like this.

"We all had fun chatting and I was busy getting punch and arranging the presents so they looked neat and pretty for the guest of honor to see. Then she arrived! That was when it got a little more embarrassing for me.

"Margie came in with a couple of her girlfriends and was very surprised when she came into the house and saw everyone. When she saw me, she just froze. I started to get really afraid. I remember I was getting ready to run upstairs and hide when Mrs. Benning came up behind me and introduced me to Margie saying, 'Rachel decided to surprise you, Honey.'

"Margie ran up to me and lifted me right up in the air and hugged and kissed me a bunch of times. She told me I was the best present of all and I was everything she thought I would be. I whispered in Margie's ear that her girlfriends knew who I was and would tell on me and that I was afraid. She put me down, told me to hold on a second and motioned for her girlfriends to go upstairs with her. She told all the guests she would be right down.

"I was really afraid they would tell on me! Mrs. Benning went upstairs as well and I went back to serving punch and putting presents up. They all came down stairs then and the two girlfriends came up to me, lifted me up, and gave me a hug. When I was in their arms close to their faces, they whispered to me that they would never tell anyone and that I was real special to be doing this for Margie. I felt a lot better then."

I paused again to drink some coffee and then continued. "It was now time for Margie to open her presents. I was elected by unanimous decision to be the presenter and had to go get a present one by one when asked by Margie. Well, Margie decided to have a little fun with everybody including me! I brought over a present and first handed the card attached to Margie and she read it.

"Some had comments inside that were funny and others I did not understand. Whenever Margie started to giggle at one, it seemed everybody was looking at me for my reaction. Sometimes this made them laugh even more! She would open the present and take it out. They were mostly panties and bras, nightgowns and stockings. There were garter belts and some clothes.

"She even got a fake penis! A little card was attached which said, 'FOR WHEN YOU ARE HOME ALONE' everybody laughed real loud then and even Margie turned red! Everybody seemed to be looking at me again, and I turned red as a beet, they laughed even harder then.

"After all the presents were opened and everybody had said what they were going to say. Plus, the punch bowl was almost empty! It was time for her cake. I didn't see it before, but her girlfriends brought it out from the pantry where it was hidden.

"It was a big cake and it had a penis in the middle sticking straight up and the tip was lit! It was a candle! Everybody was hooting and hollering repeating over and over for Margie to 'BLOW IT, BLOW IT, BLOW IT!' Margie turned red again and blew out the candle.

"They were cutting the cake and passing it out when Mrs. Larrabe, slightly tipsy I think came from behind me and held a garter belt around my waist! She said, 'I bet you just can't wait to get old enough to wear stockings and a garter belt!' She added, 'I hope I am with you when you get your first bra!'

"I was surprised and didn't know what to do or say when Margie got up and hugged me. She gave Mrs. Larrabe a withering look and Margie brought me to her chair when she sat down she lifted me on her lap. I stayed with her like that until Mrs. Larrabe came over and apologized to me and to Margie. Everything was okay again.

"That was a signal for people to start leaving I guess and Mrs. Larrabe was the first one to leave. One by one everybody left leaving Margie and her two girlfriends, Mrs. Benning and me. Mrs. Benning asked me to go with her for a minute and took me into her bedroom.

"She took out one of the presents I had wrapped and I remembered it was a very pretty gold bracelet that was inscribed on the underside with; 'Margie, so you always remember this day R.' and Mrs. Benning said she got that for me to give to Margie. I thanked her and gave her a hug and a kiss and she told me to give it to Margie.

"I went back downstairs and Margie saw me with the present and smiled at me. I gave it to her and she opened it. She read the inscription and started to cry! I wrapped my arms around her and told her I was sorry. She hugged me and told me not to be sorry, she was crying because I had made her so happy. They were happy tears! I was happy again!

"Mrs. Benning came down the stairs and went down into the basement. After the hugs and tears had stopped, she was back holding my boy clothes all clean and dry! It was time for me to return to being me again. Ricky.

"I went with Mrs. Benning back to her bedroom and she helped me take off the dress, petticoat, and then the makeup. She took off the undershirt and panties, socks and shoes. She then helped me dress in my boy clothes. She even tied my sneakers for me. I was Ricky again!

"She thanked me over and over kissing and hugging me. She held my hand and we went down stairs so I could say goodbye to Margie. When Margie saw me, she came over, kissed me a hundred times, and hugged me a lot. Her two girlfriends were just shaking their heads. Margie reached up and took out my ponytail. WOW! Mrs. Benning and I forgot about that! (Or did she?)"

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy.

"Now I'm looking at a flashback Sunday,
Zoom lens feeling just won't disappear" - J. Geils Band

A Life Ever Changing #15
Freeze Frame
by Angel O’Hare

...Margie reached up and took out my ponytail. WOW! Mrs. Benning and I forgot about that! (Or did she?)...

My mother, smiling with a very motherly look on her face asked me, "So, Rachel was born over seven years ago. Ricky, you were transformed from a boy to a girl in less than a few hours. It did not take much, either, did it?"

I answered, "Not the physical part, no. The mental part of being a girl is a different matter. I went from being shocked and embarrassed to being accepted and rejected. I saw it in the faces of the women there. To some I was a toy to play with and to others I was a boy who should be a girl. To Margie and Mrs. Benning, I believe they wanted me to be the sister and daughter they both wanted. Mrs. Benning was losing a daughter wanting another young one to be with her and needing her. Margie wanted a little sister. She treated me that way when I was over there working. Thinking back I think it was the other girls in the neighborhood who really started all this."

I thought and thought hard trying to make sense and learn something from this sudden recall that was happening to me. I started remembering the little things we all tend to ignore as they happen. I looked at the three women and spoke again. "I know I learned several big lessons that day. When someone is alone with someone else, the actions and reactions they have are different from when with a group. I also learned never to trust someone who drinks too much with anything important or secret. I learned that in trying to please someone you could hurt another including yourself. To trick someone into something is not a nice thing to do. It might speed things along, but it still is hurtful and damaging to them." (The ladies looked at each other with an expression I could not read.)

"I was turned into looking like a girl in less than an hour, but what did that do to me? I looked very convincing. If the people there did not know who I really was I believe I still could not have fooled them for very long. You see looking like a girl is not enough. You have to be a girl to be a girl!"

I paused and sipped my coffee letting more realizations to surface. I continued, "You can and will I know transform me into looking like a teenaged girl. A tall well muscled one, but a convincing looking teen girl I will be. Given the time you require I know I will look even more convincing when people look at me more closely. This you and I know will happen! The more I exist as Rachel, the closer people will look. They will ask questions of my past. Where I live and go to school. They will ask who my parents and relatives are. Who my boyfriend is?

"You can transform my body, but you cannot transform my past. I am what I am. You say I act just like the girls when I am with them. How close were you looking at me? Did I use the same gestures with my hands and face? Did I sit the same as they did? Did I use the same words to describe things as they did? Did I even greet them as they greeted each other? Was I able to join in on all their conversation or just a few times when I knew I could contribute?

"I grew up as a boy. I never played with dolls or played house. I had one experience really at dressing up. Real girls do this all the time. Look, I just have not had the growing up experiences that real girls have had."

I paused again and the ladies were looking at each other. They had the looks like they were talking to each other but not saying a word. Silent communication!

I continued, "What do real girls know by the time they reach sixteen? A hell of a lot that's what they know! A boy? You see the difference.

"Girls have gone through much more by then. They have learned much more about fashion and make-up. They have learned about their bodies at a much earlier age than boys have. They began developing breasts and needing a bra. Their nipples and chests hurt. Girls go through a painful growth. They have had their period and learned all about why. They experience the discomfort and pain that lasts for days on end.

"A boy? The mood swings are much more severe in girls than boys are. The hormones are changing monthly with girls. Boys go through puberty once! The emotional differences that exist between boys and girls are huge! The bonding between each is just as different! Can you see my real problems?

"How can I be a girl? No, I can learn about things and I can act accordingly but having had the experience is another world entirely. You want me to live as a girl to see up close my other half. You want me to experience and learn as much as I can as a girl, a girl of sixteen at that. I cannot see how I can accomplish this, can you?"

With all that said, I got up and asked if anyone wanted more coffee. Nobody answered me. Instead, Harriet said, "I think I have just been kicked in the head!"

My mom added to that by saying, "And kicked our asses as well!"

Grace started laughing and added, "I believe Ricky is right. We must begin at the beginning. He must learn anatomy and physiology, from birth to sweet sixteen and all that transpires in between. Who wants to start?" They all laughed and I had to start another pot of coffee.

I was listening to them while standing at the counter. I noticed I was Ricky again. I had made my point. I am not Rachel. Rachel has not really been born yet, mo real past, present, nor future.

The first step in being a girl begins seven weeks after conception! The brains develop distinctly as male or female then. Since I could not go back that far, the next best thing was to experience and learn as a child. I do believe my brain is different, not all-girl and not all-boy, but a combination.

I also know I am not alone. There are others just like me out in the world. I wondered if I was ever to meet anyone like myself. If ever there was a field that would welcome those like me it had to be in the health care field!

The ground coffee was added to the filter and the water added to the percolator, now for the magic to begin! I just love technology!

My mother, Harriet and Grace were in session! I looked at them one at a time and then as a group. What I perceived was something I will never forget. The bond they shared and all three individually and together joined in purpose and resolve. It is a sight to behold watching others deep in thought and in turn working out resolutions to common problems.

Surprisingly to me anyway, was the way they worked things out, not with argument or stubborn resolve like most men would do, but with an openness and a willingness to work together! You can learn much by good observational skills, listening instead of talking, questioning instead of answering. Oh Great! The coffee is ready, time to pour and jump in here!

I filled the steaming hot fresh brewed coffee. I adulterated mine as usual with cream and sugar. Much needed sugar! ENERGY FOOD!

I re-joined the ladies and just listened. Grace was saying, "Betty can help with a lot of that. He will be caring for two females that will be having their monthly periods and will learn much just from providing their care."

My mother was saying, "We can teach him about the problems and he can learn the how to and why. We can make sure he knows about the different products and their differences. The why they are different and why some girls choose one over the other."

Harriet was saying, "I can teach him everything he needs to know about hair and make-up. I will also teach him a few other things girls use as tricks and quick fixes."

This continued, the back and forth each dealing with different problems and providing solutions. I just sat and listened smiling in awe over the speed and surety of their bonded solutions.

I could not keep silent any longer. I said, "Your coffees are getting cold." They all stopped talking and looked at me. I laughed and said, "Yes. I am still here!" They laughed and started drinking their coffees.

I said, "What about the problem of my identity? Ricky has lived here for sixteen years now. I know Betty lives in the very nice section of the suburbs and I am not known there at all. What about here in Spring Hill? How am I going to get from Spring Hill to the Mountain View Estates? What about Terry and Jerry?"

Harriet spoke up and said, "Ricky, you know my house has several extra bedrooms and now that I am single again one of them will be Rachel's. My house is a lot closer to Betty's than Julia's and that will be your changing station. You will actually have two rooms, one for Ricky, and one for Rachel. You will just need to have storage space for Ricky's things, but Rachel will need a room of her own with lots of closet space, a vanity and all the things a teenage girl needs. You can bring any new friends Rachel makes to my house. As for telling people where you live. You live with me."

Ok, that made sense to me. Grace spoke up and said, "As for transportation, Betty will provide you with that. She will have you picked up at Harriet's and return you there as well."

Ok, that made sense as well. My mom spoke up then saying, "As for the little ones we tell them you will be staying at Harriet's because of your work situation which is the truth." She smiled knowing we both did not want to have to lie about anything if it could be helped.

Cool! I then asked, "What is on the lesson plan for the near future?"

All three of them smiled then and Grace spoke up with, "MY TURN!" She got up, went into the living room, and came back with the thick book she had brought with her. She sat down next to me and opened the book.

She found what she was looking for and pointed saying, "This is what a teen girl looks like from the front, back and each side." She turned the page and said, "This is what a teen boy looks like from the same views. What we need to do now is take some pictures of you in the same poses." OH GEEZE! She went on with, "Then we can compare them and see what we can really do to make you into a very convincing girl."

My mom and Harriet cleaned off the table, Grace then motioned for me to remove my robe, and then she helped me remove my nightgown. (THIS AGAIN! Well, okay, here we go!) I kept the panties on for the moment and lay on the table again.

Grace used the special solution and shortly after that, the breast forms fell away. She cleaned off the solution and my nipples enjoyed that far too much causing a problem to spring up. (You know what, don't you?) The ladies chuckled and I turned red. Things were getting back to the abnormal again! I started to laugh and the problem seemed to relax as I did.

Grace then had me stand up and wait until I was relaxed all over. Then it was time to take the panties off and stand there for pictures. Pose, pose, pose, and pose once more. Ok, that's done.

Grace said, "Okay, that's it for right now."

I said, "What?"

She responded, "We have a few more things to, as we say show-and-tell." (OH GEEZE!) I put my robe and panties on just to feel a little better and warmer. We all sat down again and let the Kodak instant prints develop. My mom and Harriet were in charge of timing and then removing the developing sheets off of the pictures. (Remember those cameras folks? The ones that took sixty seconds to develop and you had to peel away the covering layer of paper to stop them from developing more?)

Grace and I went back to the book as my mom and Harriet would peel off the paper and look at my nude images. They did not laugh, but they were saying things like, "That's different" and "To bad we couldn't just add something underneath the skin." (WHAT?)

Grace pointed to another page filled with pictures of different genitals. There were girls and boy's genitals, all shapes and sizes. It was interesting to see how different these organs were for being the same things! She looked at me, smiled, and said, "We are going to turn this into that without removing anything."

I looked at her as if she must be crazy and asked, "How can you do that without surgery?"

Grace told me then, "There is some surgery involved, but not anything permanent and nothing is removed." (OH GEEZE!)

Grace then turned to another page and showed me ‘how’ it could and would be done to me. The only thing that looked scary about it was the ice bag and sutures that would be used. She said, "You will have to pee sitting down and we need to show you how to clean yourself correctly. Just like the girls have to know."

"Okay," I said and then I brought up school. I laughed and said, "This would go over real big in the boy's locker room!"

They all laughed and told me I would be "home schooled." COOL! I liked that because school was boring most of the time. All I ever did was read ahead. Homework was always done, of course, but I was well ahead in my studies.

One class in particular was a very bad scene for me. The teacher would not grade on a curve like all the other ones did. I would ace the test and most of the students in the class would get pissed at me! Hey, I'm not going to do average on a test I can ace! I have college to think about! My future will be dictated by my grades and test scoring is a biggie!

Home schooling is a great answer! I can go at a speed comfortable for me and take tests without any problems from others! COOLEST! (I would miss a few people though.)

My mom turned to Grace and asked what the recovery time was for such a procedure. Grace told her it would be about two days before I could walk without discomfort and about ten days before I could really be ready.

I asked her how come it would take ten days and she answered, "You will be on antibiotics and I will be checking for infection and the sutures to see that everything is how it should be. You will walk a little different and you will be able to hold your legs together just as the girls do. That is one problem you have now. Your extra equipment gets in the way and holds your legs apart just enough to be noticeable to women and girls."

My mom and Harriet were looking at the book while looking at the pictures of me again. Harriet said, "His nipples are like many of the girls and his bottom is shaped like theirs as well. His hips are in between as is his waist."

My mother kept looking back and forth as well and she said, "The best thing he has going for him is the lack of an Adam's apple. If you ignore this thing and look at these pictures he is more girl than boy." (OH GEEZE!)

I said, "MOM!"

She turned to me turning everything around so I could see it and explained, "You look and tell me any different! Just ignore your male equipment between your legs and tell me what you see!" I had to admit she was right. I must have looked depressed then. It is hard to realize you were born a boy and when you look at yourself minus two things, you look just like a girl.

Grace hugged me then and said, "This is very important. You have to face the facts head on Ricky and then deal with them. We are here for you and will be here every step of the way. Remember this, you can always stop at anytime if you feel it is too much for you to handle. You are not alone in this you know. Anytime and anywhere, you need us we are only a phone call or a visit away. All our homes are open to you anytime day or night. Ok?"

What could I say? They have done more for me than anybody else has. They were not in this for selfish reasons. At least I did not think they were. Why would they? The love and concern they have shown toward me was a never-ending supply. Ok, here goes.

Grace looked at my mom and Harriet and informed them of a needed change saying, "Ricky will have to be trained at Betty's. I will train him myself. I don't think going back and forth from my facility would be good for him or the facility for now. With the care he has been providing Terry all along I believe it will be easier for him than it would be for most boys."

She looked at me and smiled saying, "You show a respect for women's bodies and are compassionate. I know you will not be uncomfortable tacking care of their needs. Will you?"

I answered, "No, I can separate things like providing care and even learning care procedures from any sexual or passionate way. It is different. You approach things differently.

"One thing that always surprised me when the boys got together. They would talk about sex as if it were a thing like a pinball game. It was just something to do! That's bullshit! Sex without passion and love is nothing. If you need a release, then just fantasize and masturbate. It's a lot nicer than trying to bed someone for a few minutes of sex.

"To me making love should be an event. You should take your time and make sure the person you love is getting the attention they desire and need from you. Most people I think approach-making love in the wrong way. They think of themselves and not their partner. It should not be a selfish act at all. It should be a giving act! If you want selfish love, masturbate!"

WOW! I must have said something right because I was being hugged and kissed by all of them at once! I laughed and tried to say in between being hugged and kissed, "What is so special about that? Don't most couples do that?"

The ladies must have heard me, and all three said at the same time, "NO!" They all laughed at they're saying the same thing at the same time.

Grace spoke up and mentioned one problem with training. She said, "If we can't use my facility we will have to find someone that is willing for Ricky to learn on. He needs to learn bed baths and all the other personal care needs. He needs to know how to use the different care supplies and the procedures that go with them. He needs to know all the basics before he starts working for Betty. I can teach him the more advanced care techniques and procedures once he starts, but he needs to know the basics first."

My Aunt Harriet spoke up and surprised the poop out of me! She said, "I volunteer! He can learn on me and if he makes a mistake I will beat the heck out of him!" Everybody laughed at that but I didn't! She would beat the crap out of me and I knew it!

Well, everything was set up now and it was left up to me when to really start things going. I spoke up and said, "Okay, we can start anytime you are ready because with all of you here and batting for me I am ready." They all smiled and we all got into a group hug and kiss session.

It was decided by group vote that the tasks that needed doing would start with a call to Betty in the morning. (WOW, it is 3:00 am already!) After the call, we would split up and accomplish as much as possible in as little time as possible. Grace would make the call as we were all doing our morning rituals. Grace informed us all she needed was an hour power nap and she would get ready first and have a very light breakfast ready and waiting when we came down after our showers. The little ones were going over to Mrs. Brown's and could stay there for as long as needed. With that, we said goodnight to each other and off to our welcoming beds we went.

Grace remained downstairs and prepared the couch to sleep on. (It was a huge couch and I knew she would be comfortable enough. I had offered my bed, but Jerry slept in the room with me and she thought it might bother him if I wasn't there. So I went up to bed. Funny being in that robe and a pair of panties, I would change into a pair of my briefs when I got to my room. Just in case, the little ones woke up or Terry decided to crawl in bed with me, as she would do every once in awhile. I said goodnight to Harriet and Mom and went into my room.

I changed into my standard boys' briefs and stashed the robe and panties in my top drawer away from the inquisitive reach of the kids. I lay on my bed and out I went. Dreamless sleep. Deep and peaceful sleep!

Someone was whispering in my ear and rubbing my back! What? I just went to bed! I opened my sleep-filled eyes and saw Grace.

She looked fresh and was wearing just a robe. She smelled nice and whispered to me, "Time to get up and shower. I need a few more pictures and I thought you would like me to take them before the others were up and about." UHG! Ok.

I got up and walked into the shower turning it on the coldest I could stand without screaming! I was awake in an instant! Cold water does that to people you know.

I stepped out of the shower and Grace was chuckling. She was dressed in a dark blue blouse and matching skirt. Her hair was done up in a braid and she had on white hose and black loafers. She handed me the robe she had just been wearing and said laughingly, "Forget something, Ricky?"

I realized I had just walked straight into the shower and did not get myself any towels or my robe. I chuckled and thanked her taking the robe and putting it on. It smelled nice. I went to the linen closet, wrapped my hair in a towel and headed downstairs to the kitchen. I needed some coffee!

Grace went and woke my mother and Harriet. I was in the kitchen drinking a cup of fresh-made coffee, thanks to Grace. I heard Grace calling me into the living room so I went to her.

She asked me to hurry and remove the robe and lay on the couch. I did and she posed me for a few more pictures. That was embarrassing! Legs up and spread, then left and right sides the same pose. Then I had to stand and bend over front ways with my legs spread as far apart as I could get them. She took the photos and said, "These are so we can see how to do the tuck of your genitals the best way."

I said, "We?"

She answered, "Well, yes, I am not a doctor. Your doctor has agreed to do this for you." (WHAT?) She saw the look on my face, stated to chuckle and then told me, "Marjorie is a long time friend of mine as well as your mother's. She has often mentioned you and especially after Harriet brought you in for testing and that physical, she knows. She wants to see you again anyway and she has a few more tests for you."

I just groaned and she laughed again. She told me to eat something while she timed the pictures.

I went into the kitchen and my mom was there. I said good morning and she smiled giving me a hug and a kiss. Harriet came in then looking like she had taken a cold shower as I had. They were dressed and I was in Grace's robe still! Mom and Harriet giggled at me so I ran back upstairs and got dressed as Ricky would. My mom asked me to get Terry ready and she would get Jerry ready for breakfast and Mrs. Brown. Grace placed a call to Betty. My mom told her to use the phone in the den, so she did.

Terry I found was soaked, as usual, so I tickled her awake as I always did. I carried her into the bathroom and told her she could have a shower this morning. She hates showers! I told her that she could have a bath if she shared it with Jerry. She hated that even worse, so she opted for the shower.

I removed her sopped diapers, lifted her into the tub, and used the hand-held showerhead. She smiled knowing this would be quick and warm. She wet the washcloth under the spray as I showered her with warm water. She did the washing and did it correctly! I was watching so no cheating this morning! I chuckled as she stuck her tongue out at me as she washed herself. We skipped washing her hair. I rinsed her off one last time and turned off the water.

I lifted her out of the tub wrapping her up in a fluffy towel while I gave her a big hug and kiss on the cheek. She hugged me back and giggled as I carried her into her room. I patted her dry and told her to pick what she wanted to wear today. While she ran to her closet skipping picking out her under-things. She wanted to pick out her dress, shoes, and a ribbon for her hair.

I went to her drawers and picked out an undershirt, pair of training pants, and a pair of fancy panties to match the dress she picked and then went and got her a crinoline knowing she had to have that! She stood there with her arms straight up in the air. I knew that this morning she wanted to be dressed. Sometimes I could just leave her things on the bed and she dressed herself, not this morning! Ok, so I helped her get dressed. She was a happy little camper this morning!

We walked out together and down the stairs and into the kitchen. Terry ran to Harriet yelling, "Auntie, Auntie!" A bunch of hugs and kisses later she finally sat to eat her breakfast.

Mom came in carrying Jerry. He was not in a good mood this morning. He saw Harriet and perked up reaching out for her saying, "Tee, tee," his way of saying Auntie. Harriet fed him and Mrs. Brown showed up shortly after that. We all waved goodbye and came back in the house.

Grace was still on the phone! We all looked at each other wondering what was taking her so long. Grace saw us looking at her, held up two fingers, and smiled real big. That was a good sign! A few minutes later, she hung up the phone and came out into the living room. She was shaking her head and rubbing her ear.

We laughed and she said, "Very good news for us! Betty insists on paying for anything Ricky needs as Rachel. That is her only stipulation. If Rachel needs something you can spend Betty's money, but not for any items Ricky might need." She chuckled and said, "Ricky, Rachel is going to be very surprised when she starts working for Betty. It seems Rachel has a bedroom full of nice things already!" Oh GEEZ!

I asked, "But what if I had decided to say no?" All three ladies looked at me as if I was crazy and started laughing very hard indeed!

I said to them, "You all were that sure?" Then all three said at the same time, "YES!" (I hate when they do that!)

Mom said she was going with Harriet to get things for what was to be my room at Harriet's house. Grace said she was taking me and we were also going shopping; we had several stops to make, and would be gone for most of the day only returning when we had accomplished everything. After that, we would get some rest and start with all aspects of my lessons. She added, "Ricky, Betty had bought you some dresses and things. I am afraid your breast size has already been pre-determined. It will be easier on you, I think, but I was thinking a little larger size. Betty had decided on a full A cup to an almost B cup. She wants us to stop at her shop and pick up one of the dresses she bought for you. She said we could go from that and decide." (OH GEEZE!)

I guess I am going boob shopping first!

"I've been waiting for someone new to make me feel alive, Yeah, waiting for a girl like you..." - Foreigner
"I think I'll tell you something, The thing that I haven't said to a girl like you." - Pete Yorn
"I'm talkin' about the way I feel, And I've never known a girl like you." - Edwyn Collins
"Nothin' satisfies the need in me, For a girl like, a girl like you." - The Rascals
"Love me for the inside, ahh, like you, with a girl like you..." - Def Leppard
"Never did I dream I would find me a girl like you." - Kevin Edmonds
"I'm lookin for a girl like you..." — Aaliyah

A Life Ever Changing #16
Girl-Like-You

by Angel O'Hare

I guess I am going breast shopping first...

We all had tea and coffee with each other while deciding a meeting place for lunch. It was decided that we would meet at the all-you-can-eat buffet cafe. My mother and Harriet left first while Grace made another phone call and I cleaned up the kitchen. Grace came back and asked me if I was ready to go. I was, so I made sure everything was off and I locked the door behind us.

We walked to Grace's car and I saw Barbara and Mrs. Nelson gardening out front. They usually did this in the morning because it was cooler temperatures then. I waved and they waved back, Barbara blowing me a kiss. I returned it and got into the car.

As we pulled away, Grace started talking to me. She said, "Ricky, we are headed to Betty's shop first and then to my good friend's shop to get you measured and fitted for breasts and according to her a few items that you will need. My friend, her name is Anna, said she must see you first, and then she would go from there, okay?"

Without waiting for an answer she continued, "Lucky for us she is located near Betty's. From Anna's I will call Marjorie, (Dr. Purnell) and see when she wants us there. If we have enough time, we will meet your mother and Harriet for lunch. If not, we will grab a bite to eat later on. When we get to Marjorie's office, she will ask you some questions and look at all the pictures we took last night. She will examine you and then decide if and when we will do your procedure."

I jumped in, and asked Grace, "What kind of questions is she going to ask me?"

Grace answered, "I believe it is some kind of psychological test Ricky. Just answer her question truthfully and fully, okay?"

I said, "Okay." Grace did not say anything then so I started thinking.

Tests were something I always did well on, this was different though. All that was required was for me to be honest and thorough with my answers. I could do that. I wondered what types of questions she would be asking me. I started to ponder about the procedure and figured out that the questions might have something to do with gender issues. If I as a person and human being could, would or even should go through with having this procedure. I felt a little better knowing better what was ahead of me.

Lost in thought and looking inwards I lost track of time until Grace said, "We're here Ricky, it's time to return to earth." She chuckled and pulled into a parking space right in front of Betty's shop.

It was too early for the shop to be open to the public yet, so we were the only ones there. We both went up to the door and knocked. Betty unlocked the door and let us in. She was very happy and full of energy and excitement. Betty hugged and kissed us both and led us into the backroom. There she handed me fancily wrapped box and told me to only open it when we got to Anna's shop. She hugged and kissed me again saying how happy she was and that her girls, she knew, were in compassionate and trusting hands.

With that and a hug for Grace, and me, we left, heading towards the mysterious shop of Grace's friend Anna. On the road again it seemed like we were headed to the hospital, but we turned just before it into a large medical park. There were several buildings with doctors' offices and more specialty shops. These shops all related to prosthetics of some sort or another.

It was still early and only a few cars were in the parking lot. We pulled up to a shop called "Anna's Custom Creations." The shop looked closed, looked over to Grace and she told me, "Don't worry, Anna is waiting for us. She thought it would be better for you if the fitting was done before the shop opened."

I said, "Yes, I will feel a lot better knowing nobody is going to walk in on us." Grace chuckled and said, "Let's go inside shall we?" Grace took the wrapped package with her and we started for the shop. As we approached the door, it opened.

(There she was, the lady who would help make me into what I wasn't, or was I? I am so damn confused, but everybody I trust and love is telling me this is the right thing for me to do. Okay, I will do it, but only because I trust and love these women. Especially my mom, how could I disappoint her? She really believes I should do this and do it for my benefit.)

The two ladies hugged and kissed. Grace introduced me to Anna and she gave me a big smile and looked at me deeply. She motioned for us to step inside then closed and locked the door. She then pulled a screen in front of it closing all chance of viewing from the outside.

Anna turned to me and said, "Ricky, come over here and let me see you better." I went to where she told me and it was a small circular stage about two feet above the floor. I stood on this stage and she told me, ‘stand up straight and tall.’ Then she told me to pull my shoulders back. She took hold of my shoulders and turned me slowly around. THE STAGE MOVED! Yes, this little stage was on wheels. Anna smiled and then told me to take off everything.

I asked her, "EVERYTHING?"

She said, "Yes, Ricky, everything."

I was a little hesitant so she pulled out my pull over shirt and lifted it right off of me. She then reached for my belt and I told her I would do it and she smiled. OH GEEZE! I stripped naked again (This was getting to be an all too frequent occurrence!) and she told me to step up on the moving stage again. She repeated what she had done before, but this time she looked a lot closer.

I was getting a physical exam but no intrusions made this time. Anna just squeezed here and there. She had me raise and lower my arms in different ways. I was so embarrassed! I was turning red from my head to my toes! She had me lean over front ways and back ways. I leaned toward my right and left sides.

At last, she was through and handed me a white terrycloth robe to put on. She looked at Grace and I saying, "You were right, Grace. Ricky, the breasts you have now are like a very young girl. Your nipples are large and just protruding. Your physique is perfect for artificial breast enhancement."

She smiled and continued. "You see I do get a few men in my shop, but I have to make special molds to fit them. You will not need a special mold at all, what I will do however is match your skin tone perfectly. The way I make my breast forms someone would have to really look closely to even find any edges. Just remember to only wear a swimsuit that will cover the breast area completely. They will not tan! I do have a few suits here and we will see if one will fit you when we are done ok?"

I just looked at her. I did not think I would be swimming dressed as a girl! Grace spoke up and said, "That will be great Anna. I am sure Rachel will be taking Betty's girls to their pool." POOL? Betty had her own pool. Okay, looks like I will be getting a swimsuit as well.

Anna said, "Ricky, I am going to take a few measurements now including your hips so please remove your robe." I did and she measured me everyway one could think of! As she measured me, she made some marks on my body, including my bottom! I now had dots all over my chest and bottom!

Anna was making comments to Grace and Grace was nodding and smiling. I was not paying attention to what was being said. I was lost in thought again. I was thinking about how much all this was costing Betty. She must be loaded, because so far the bill was getting very high!

Anna had me lay down on an examination table and covered me with a sheet. THANK YOU ANNA! I did say thank you and she smiled at me.

She said, "Now for some magic!" She went to another room and left the door open so we could see what she was doing. She was mixing up a bunch of gooey stuff. She added colors and then mixed again. She looked at the mix, scooped a little on a stick, and dried it with a heat gun. (Like a hair dryer only hotter and faster.)

She then came over to me, and put it right next to my skin and smiled. She said, "Damn I'm good!" She went back to the room, poured the mix in a couple of molds, and set them in something else. She then poured the rest of the mix on top of that and put that in a big oven like thing.

She came back to us pushing a tray on wheels that held several pots on it. She told me to roll over on my tummy and I did. She lifted the sheet to expose my bottom! I looked back at her and she smiled saying, "Ricky, your hips need a little extra. Your bottom is perfect, but your hips need to be a little wider." With that, she started spreading a cream on my bottom and back part of my hips. She then spread this gooey stuff on them! It felt sticky. She left it on for a few minutes and then peeled it all off in one sheet.

She looked at me and said, "Ricky you have to lay on your back now so I can get the front of your hips as well." OH GEEZE! I turned over and the first thing she did was spray something ice cold all over my groin area! OH, THAT WAS COLD! Everything shrunk in an instant! She quickly spread the cream all over and then the gooey stuff.

She smiled and asked, "Did you shave your pubic hair Ricky?"

I said, "No, I had this smelly stuff spread over my body and I did not do it." I did not say who did either! I let Anna just spin her brain on that one!

She added, "I like the little heart whoever did do it for you have left." OH GEEZE! I really didn't notice! I looked down and sure enough, there was a little heart shape made out of what was left of my pubic hair! I decided I was going to make Harriet pay for that one!

I told Anna, "I didn’t notice the shape and I will fix that as soon as I can!"

Grace started chuckling and said, "I think it looks cute, you should leave it."

I said, "NO! I am not going to be a girl all the time and I do not want anybody else seeing me with heart shaped pubic hair!"

Anna said, "Are you sure Ricky?" I said I was and a second later Anna made a few swipes with a razor and now I had no pubic hair left! OH CRAP! Anna then spread even more cream and the gooey stuff. As she did before, she waited a few minutes and then peeled it all off. She covered me back up with the sheet.

I had this creamy stuff all over my front and back! YUCK! Anna asked me if I wanted to get that cream cleaned off and I said I did. She told me it would only be a few minutes more and I could take a shower. She went back to that room and started making something.

Grace distracted me by saying, "Ricky, how often do you think you will be changing back and forth from a girl to a boy?"

I thought about it and asked her, "I really don't know just yet. I do know that I will be even if it is just to come home. I will not be a girl in front of my sister and brother or neighbors. I still want to see and be with my girlfriend. I do not want to be a girl when I am with her either." Grace looked at me and nodded.

Grace started talking to me. She began by saying how difficult it would be to change back and forth. She told me it was a bit time consuming to change from one to the other. Grace then said. "Ricky, you will get better at changing from one to the other, but it will still take time and effort. I think we should talk about your job with Betty and see what she thinks about you taking one week out of a month off. That way you will have plenty of time to change and prepare yourself better to becoming a boy again."

I thought about what she had just said and this sounded like more than I would have agreed to if I had realized all the implications from the beginning. I had not before and I still did not know what all this was going to really entail. All I knew was that I was in this deep and I saw no way out for the moment. So I said, "I really hadn't thought about how long I would be staying as a girl at one time. I really thought I could just change from one to the other as needed, but now I know differently."

I thought a second about the upcoming physical changes that I would undergo, all the artificial stuff and then when and if Dr. Purnell decided to change my appearance of my groin area into a female's or not. If she did, I could not be a boy no matter what I changed into. I could appear to be as I was, just don't drop my pants in front of anybody! Urinals would be out!

I told Grace, "I think three weeks away from home is a lot, but I really don't see any way around it, either. Three weeks out a month is a long time away from my family, longer than I have ever been before." I will have to talk it over with my family before I decide on that, okay?"

Grace said that that was fair and she would wait to talk to Betty until I had talked to my mother.

Anna came back wheeling a covered cart. She asked me if I was ready for her magic and I said I was. She uncovered the cart and I saw two breasts and some funny shaped things as well. They were flesh colored like my skin and Anna smiled. She told me to stand up and I did, letting the sheet fall away. She said, "This will only take a second, but you have to spread your legs apart."

I did and she sprayed my groin again! OH, I HATE THAT! It was freezing cold and everything shrunk again. She held each piece against my body one at a time. She wrote a few things on a chart and then told me it was time for my shower. ALL RIGHT! She showed me where it was and I gladly entered. She added before closing the door that I should shampoo my hair as well.

I said okay and took a nice hot shower! I washed off all that cream and gooey stuff. Anna had body wash and a scrubber in the shower, both new. The body wash smelled like roses. I washed myself well and then opened the shampoo. Sure enough, that smelled like roses as well, at least I was nice and clean again. Even though I smelled like a rose!

I toweled dry, patting myself instead of my usual way of rubbing. My skin was still tender. I wrapped the towel around my waist then and stepped back out into the shop.

Anna and Grace were waiting and Anna had me lay down on the examination table again. This time she spread some creamy stuff just on my nipples. Oh, why did that feel so intense? They stood right up and stiffened. Anna smiled and said "Good. Just what we need them to do."

She spread some other stuff on my breasts and then the form. She held that against me for a few seconds and let go. She smoothed it out from the center out to the ends. She did the same with the other breast. Wow, they matched and looked just like they were part of me!

She had me stand up and I immediately felt the weight of them. They were so real looking I had to touch them! Anna just looked at me and said, "What are you waiting for? I know you want to touch them. "GEEZE! How do they always know what you are thinking?

I did touch them then. Wow, I mean this was so different from the first set I had worn! I could feel underneath a lot better. I actually could feel my real nipples when I pushed on the life-like artificial ones on the forms, and they reacted! I was surprised and both Grace and Anna laughed at my expression and surprise.

I stopped then and wondered what the hell was I doing? What I was going to need, and soon, was a psychiatrist! I would need someone that I could really talk too. Apart from those involved with changing me. I truly believe I will be changed, and not just on the outside. I knew this was a certainty, but on the inside! My mind, my mannerisms, the way I talked and corresponded with others. My whole being will change in a way.

Will I be able to remain being my true self? Or, will I be utterly changed? I know one thing is for certain. The course I am on now will either enhance my true being or destroy me. I have to be careful and diligent at all times! I must learn from everything and put it into a perspective I can deal with. I will need help and a lot of compassionate teaching and understanding. I definitely need GOD! I need prayer! I need time alone!

But, most of all I need unconditional love from my family. It is so ironic that what I freely give every day, my unconditional love to my family has set me to need more than I have ever needed before! What do I need now compared to before? HAH! TONS!

Female clothes, bras, panties, uniforms, shoes, slips, hair care stuff that boggles the mind! Finger and toenail stuff! Nail polish! Breast forms, hip forms, and I bet a bunch of stuff I don't even know I need yet, not to mention all the lessons on being female!

Oh, and the biggie of them all, a female-looking groin I still haven't figured out how it will be done without slicing and dicing me! I will trust Grace and my Dr. of forever. What else can I do? Say no? NOT! That is not an option any longer.

I don't care what they have told me. Once you say yes to something like this. There is no turning back! Not until you have given an honest effort. I can't say no to the changes now! It is much too late. Too much money has been spent on my yet-to-be other side. The only thing I wished I had more of is time. This is happening so fast! I hope and pray I soon will be getting some time to be able to digest what is happening to me. I need time to merge my true self into an understanding of Rachel!

"EARTH TO RICKY!" I heard the shout from Grace. I woke out of whatever planet I was at the time and looked at the direction of the shout. Grace and Anna looked at me and smiled. Grace said, "Ricky is leaving now and Rachel will appear very shortly. Let Anna finish with you ok?"

I looked at them both and just managed to nod. I could not speak yet. Anna took my hand and made me step up on the stage again. She applied some gooey stuff on one side of my hip and then a little on the form she was holding. She held it against me. After a few seconds, she took her hand away and my hip was wider by about two inches on that side. She repeated this process on the other side. My hips were now four inches wider! After she smoothed them out you really could not tell they were there. Just like the breasts!

She slowly turned me and the stage moved with me. She looked very closely and even used a magnifying glass when looking at my breasts. She smiled and patted my bottom saying, "You are a very pretty girl. Anyone looking at you right now would say so!"

I looked down at my groin and laughed! Grace and Anna started to laugh as well when they saw what I was looking at! Anna then said, "Temporary setback, Rachel. Soon you will see what you will be. Rachel, the girl that always was within you and now can be seen."

With that said, Grace opened the wrapped box Betty had given me. Grace looked at me and smiled saying, "Rachel we will help you get dressed and then we will go see Marjorie, okay?"

I said, "No wait! I am not ready to go out like this yet!"

Anna took my hands in hers and said, "Rachel, how can you put on Ricky's clothes now? What would people say seeing a girl dressed as a boy?" OH GEEZE and double CRAP! She was right! Half the people thought I was a girl dressed as a boy when I was Ricky! Now? I wouldn't stand a chance! I had to get dressed and go out into the world as Rachel.

Grace first handed me a thong! Oh, Lord! Anna took it from me and said, "Raise your leg Rachel." I did. She put them on, pulled them up half way, and then sprayed my groin again! OH LORDY THAT IS COLD! Everything shrunk real fast and she pushed on my testes until they were inside me! Then, she took hold of my penis, pushed it down between my legs, and pulled the thong up the rest of the way. It was tight! It held everything down and in place.

Grace then handed me a pair of white panties with roses on them. I put them on before Anna could grab them from me. She just smiled and turned me, which turned the stage. She then pulled them up a little in the back and smoothed them out over my bottom, GEEZ! They fit better than the other pair I had worn. Why? Oh yes, I had girl hips now, to go with my girl bottom!

Next Grace handed me a bra. It matched the panties, white with roses printed on them with a flower sewn onto the middle between the cups. Anna asked me if I needed any help and I told her, no. This got a smile out of her and I realized she didn't know about my previous lessons, OH GEEZE! I put the bra on the "easy way" but the bra just didn't seem right.

Anna smiled even bigger and said, "You see, you don't know everything." Just then, I remembered the little adjusting slides on the shoulder straps. But I didn't really know what to adjust them too, so Anna adjusted each side for me, and the bra fit perfectly.

Grace handed me a pair of pantyhose. Anna took my hand, helped me off the stage, and led me to a chair. I sat and rolled first one leg down to the toe and slipped it onto my foot pulling and smoothing them out just over my calf. I did this again with the other side, pulled, and smoothed them out all the way to my waist. They went up high over my hips.

Anna and Grace smiled and said, "Very good Rachel." Oh, brother!

Then came a slip which Anna adjusted for me and then came the dress. It was not real dressy or real plain either. It was an in between type of dress. An all occasion’s type. The top fit closely and buttoned up from the waist. The waist flared out and was light and roomy. It was white with red roses printed on it. Grace handed Anna a matching belt that was at least three inches wide! Anna slipped it in between these little strings like loops I hadn't noticed. She tightened and then fastened it. It was comfortably snug.

I had to sit again for the shoes. Red to match the roses and they had a two and a half inch heel! A little higher than a pair of cowboy boots, I had but didn't wear.

Grace said, "It is time for just a little lipstick and nail polish, Rachel." The lipstick and nail polish were red and shiny. I had to close my lips on a napkin and it left a kiss me print. I did that and Grace put on another coat! GEEZE! I blotted my lips again and Grace said, "Beautiful!"

Anna then took hold of one hand while Grace held the other. Anna did my left hand and handed Grace the polish to do my right. Anna kept blowing on my nails! Grace finished and handed the bottle back to Anna and this went on two times! I had to sit there and wiggle my hands they said to speed the drying process! I felt weird doing that! I knew from the salon visit that this time it went much faster.

Grace took out a brush and started on my hair. Anna came over, held my ear, and made a dot on the lobe. She then took out this white pearl with gold petals around it and held it to my ear. She did this to my other ear lobe and then said, "Very pretty Rachel. I have just glued on a set of pearl earrings. Don't worry; they come off easy enough with this solvent."

With that said she opened up a red purse and dropped it inside. She added the lipstick, a compact and then turned away and added a few other things I couldn't see. Grace I could feel was setting my hair in a ponytail higher up on my head like the girl I appeared to be. She brushed out the end when she had finished tying it.

They both looked at me and smiled real huge! Grace said, "Oh my, Rachel, you are beautiful!"

I gave her a look that said SURE, I BET I DO! I didn't feel beautiful! So each took one of my hands and led me over to one of those three mirror things so you can see three sides of yourself at the same time. I looked at the reflection and saw a cute girl standing there! She moved her hands as I moved mine. She moved as I moved and it finally hit me, HOLY CRAP! That girl is me!

Now I would not call what I saw beautiful, but I would say cute. Nice figure and she looked well groomed, sort of an upper-middle-class-type of girl. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. I looked at Grace and Anna's reflection, they both were hugging each other, and I heard Grace say, "Thank you Anna. You did a wonderful job. She looks wonderful."

Anna said, "Grace, the pleasure was all mine! I had a wonderful foundation to start with. The best feature I saw was the lack of a thyroid process. There is not one person I know who would ever even think Rachel was ever a boy to begin with." OH LORDY!

Grace looked at me and smiled saying, "Rachel get your purse, and we must be off."

I looked at Anna, shook my head, and said, "Thank you I think Anna. I just can't believe that reflection is me."

Anna gave me a big hug and invited both Grace and I over to her place for dinner some time soon. Grace said that that would be very nice and she would call her. I slung "my" purse over my shoulder and we were off to my Doctors....

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy.

"Rachel, Rachel, I've been thinking, what a grand world this would be..." - Traditonal Campfire Song

A Life Ever Changing #17

Rachel, Rachel

by Angel O'Hare

I slung "my" purse over my shoulder and we were off to my Doctors...

I stepped out through the door and into a new world. I felt every breeze! My senses now treated to new sensations. I had been on sensory overload going on two days! Brain and body overload was coming I could feel it! My mind went in fifty million different directions all at once, trying to keep pace with so much new information. I had to slow it down and approach this in some sort of order.

I actually felt dizzy, lightheaded and my breathing had lost its regular automatic pace. My heart was pounding I could feel my pulse beating hard and fast through my veins. It was getting increasingly difficult to focus on things clearly with my eyes. Everything I tried to look at was only a blur.

The car door opened and Grace helped me inside. "FOCUS" she was telling me. I tried to focus and was able to sit the proper way a young lady should, sweeping her dress under her as she sat. I looked up and saw Grace blur in and out of focus.

I tried to tell myself to "get it together" but failed. I was losing my control! I felt Grace fastening my seat belt and the door closed with an echoing slam. In my ears I heard slam, slam, slam. I laid my head back and tried to relax. My mind swirled like a carnival ride. I moaned and rolled my head from side to side. I heard a soft echo saying, "relax, relax, relax." It did not help.

I felt the car start to move and that was all I thought for awhile, all I did was feel. I felt everything. I was awash with feelings. I cried and I did not know why.

The tears fell endlessly. They flowed heavily down my cheeks and neck soaking into my dress. I could feel their wetness as the tears flowed taking the easiest path off my face and down my neck. I tried to push my head harder backwards and the tears wetness found my ears. Still I cried.

I could hear a slight sound echoing in the background but could make no sense of it. I felt a hand on my left hand, but it felt cold and uncomforting. I felt an intense heat deep within me radiating outwards spreading its warmth all around me. I tried to move my hand away from that cold touch but I could not make it move. I was frozen in place, awash in heat and tears.

My crying sobs were soft but steady and rhythmic. I lost myself in that rhythm. I focused on that rhythm and slowly began to regain some control. I could hear again and the soft sounds I heard were Grace telling me everything was going to be better soon. She kept calling me Rachel.

Rachel? Was I Rachel?

As the tears flowed and the sobs continued, I looked at myself. I looked at my hands and they were a girl's hands. Long fingers ended with manicured rose-colored nails tapered, shiny, and smooth. Long bare arms hard with muscle were smooth and hairless. I saw breasts outlined through a white dress with roses. There were rose-shaped buttons fastening it close to my upper body. The waist looked small and covered with a wide belt that matched the dress; it made my waist stand out from the hips. My hips looked wide and full. A flowing light dress loosely covered my thighs. I could see their outline clearly though. They looked hard and shapely. My knees covered by flesh colored hose that continued downward and disappeared into a pair of rose-colored shoes with short tapered heels. The heels came to a point the size of a dime.

My sobs had stopped, when? Tears no longer fell from my eyes as I reached for the hidden mirror. I pulled down the sun-visor and saw Rachel. She had been crying, her eyes red. Her face and neck had tears slowly drying leaving their path clearly marked. Her lips looked puffy and full, colored with a deep red gloss. Her complexion was very smooth and soft.

But her eyes, her eyes are what held me! Hazel eyes with many colors flashing through them; large, sad, confused eyes that would not release me from their gaze. I saw the lashes dance downward and upward blinking; trying to clear away, the burning haze left from crying.

I felt sorry for this pretty creature, she was so sad and confused. I smiled to reassure her that everything would be okay. I would comfort her. She smiled back! Such a beautiful smile it was, it made her eyes dance with light! I felt so happy she had smiled back at me.

The sadness was gone but the confusion remained. Why was she so confused? About what I wondered. So I asked her.

It was then I felt a tight grip on my left arm. Someone was squeezing it! I looked and saw a woman. Grace! That is her name! She, she what? She was talking to me with a pleading look written on her features. She was saying, "Rachel, look at me!"

I looked in the small mirror but Rachel was looking at me not at Grace. I smiled and Rachel smiled. I looked back at Grace and said, "She is pretty and I love her eyes and her smile."

Grace got out of the car and opened my door. She took a firm grip of both my hands and guided me free from the car. She closed my door and took hold of my hand and arm. She led me up to a big white house that had a sign hanging from the front porch roof. It said "Dr. Marjorie Purnell Pediatric Physician and Family Medicine."

I remembered her! She was my doctor. But, why was I here? Am I sick? I could not remember why I was here. Grace led me up the stairs. Funny it is hard walking in these shoes. I looked down and saw red heels! What?

Grace hurried me along and opened the front door. She hollered in a loud voice, "Marjorie we have an emergency!"

She practically pushed me inside as Dr. Purnell came rushing toward us. She looked right into my eyes and said, "Oh Lord!" as she took my other hand and arm. They led me to an examination room and lay me down. Oh, that felt so good! My feet were starting to hurt for some reason.

Marjorie told Grace to keep talking to me and she left. She was telling me everything would be okay soon and to just relax. Relax? Okay, so I settled back and just let my body go limp.

It felt strange this body of mine. Something was pushing against my head from the back. I felt that my hair was tied in a ponytail. My lips felt a little funny and I felt them. Something covered them and I felt and tasted them with my tongue. Smooth and what tasted like my mother's lipstick. Had someone kissed me?

Grace held both my hands in hers now. I could explore no more with them. I did feel something different about my chest. My hips felt different as well.

Marjorie came back and helped Grace unbutton my, dress! They stood me up and lifted it over my head. I felt something cold swipe my shoulder and then a sting.

I looked at Marjorie and she had given me a needle shot. She looked very concerned. She was looking deep into my eyes. She asked me, "Rich?"

I looked at her and said, "What?" I was quickly losing consciousness. The both helped lay me back down and I just drifted away.

I stirred and slowly eased my eyes open. I saw I was in a softly lit room and I was lying on an examination table. I tried to move but my arms were bound at the wrists, my legs bound at the ankles. WHAT? I was covered with a sheet and as I looked down, I saw two raised areas on my chest. What?

Slowly everything started coming back. Memories of recent events came in pictures like snapshots as I tried to remember. I was very thirsty and asked the semi-darkness in a loud but controlled voice, "Could I have some water please?"

I heard footsteps, two sets coming closer. The door opened, Grace and Marjorie came over to me. Grace said, "Welcome back, sleepy head." She turned and went a little ways and I heard water running.

Dr. Purnell took a small flashlight and shined it into each of my eyes. She smiled and told me she was going to turn the lights on now.

I said, "Great, but why am I tied up? I have to pee badly." Marjorie turned the lights on then and I blinked at the sudden brightness.

She answered me, "For now you must remain restrained until I talk to you some. We are all very worried about you and we don't want you to hurt yourself."

What hurt myself? I said, "Why would I want to hurt myself? That would be a stupid thing to do!"

Grace held a glass of water with a straw as she let me sip greedily from it. Oh, that tasted so good! I turned to look at Marjorie and said, "Look, I don't have any desire to hurt myself or anyone else. I’ve just have been overloaded with so many different things all in a very short time. I just need some time to catch up with it all so I can put it all in some type of orderly reasoning."

They both looked at me and smiled. Grace held a urinal in her hands and pulled down the sheet. OH GEEZE!

I looked down and saw I was wearing nothing at all! My breast forms, still attached to me, as were my hip extenders. Funny, if you did not know they were there you would never have noticed, Anna had done a fantastic job. I was finally able pee and it was a big relief! That done I was covered again and Marjorie asked me if I was ready to talk with her and I said "Sure."

About three hours later Grace and Marjorie untied me and I was free. I sat up and rubbed my wrists and then my ankles. That felt good! Had we really talked that long? Things made a lot more sense to me now.

The biggest concern they had had was when I split myself into two people. Rachel was in the little mirror and Ricky was trying to find out why she was confused and sad. Ricky was attracted to Rachel and thought she was pretty and Rachel seemed to be attracted too, and also trusted Ricky.

The problem came to a head with trying to communicate with each other. The eyes had said it all, but Ricky just refused to see. OVERLOAD! It was time for some deep dreamless sleep; time to talk to and solve the problems with someone, someone who knew the answers!

Things had moved too quickly for me and the speed of the change triggered many deep feelings that I had hidden and desperately needed to surface. When they did surface, it was in one big sensory overload!

The Seven P's were back and in full swing. I was ready to face the next part of my ordeal. The examination and possible cosmetic surgery was next on the list. I stood up and raised my arms for a big stretch. Oh, that felt good.

Grace helped me into a hospital gown and then led me to another examination room. It said "GYN Exam Room 2" on a little sign above the door. I knew this was coming and I WAS ready. So Grace helped me out of my hospital gown and now completely naked again I was examined by Marjorie.

She checked everything as she had done once before a few months ago, but this time it was a little different. She kept looking at the pictures Grace had brought with her and then examining things even closer. She spent a lot of time with my bottom! Then she had Grace help me onto the exam table and adjusted these metal stirrup things for my feet to rest in. She made the adjustments so my knees bent upward, back and far apart.

It wasn't a very comfortable position to find oneself in! Very EXPOSED was the feeling I had. More exposed than anything I had experienced before. I now knew how a girl or woman must feel held in this same position! Exposed and vulnerable was what came to my mind.

Marjorie sat on a stool with wheels and turned on a light, which she pointed right on my groin area. Grace held a tube of something and when Marjorie held out one of her gloved hands, Grace squeezed a glob of it on the tips of her fingers. Marjorie told me she had to examine and feel inside me and to try and relax. SURE I WILL!

I felt a cold wetness and pressure as she slid first one then two fingers inside of me. OUCH! She told me to try and relax again. SURE I WILL, BULL-CRAP!

She moved her two fingers all around in there and she then touched something that made me jump! What was that? She removed her fingers and said to Grace, "Prostate small and underdeveloped." Grace wrote this down.

Marjorie said a few more things in a language invented by aliens I think, and then took off her gloves. She washed her hands as Grace cleaned me up down there. Then Marjorie came back and put on another pair of gloves. She sat and examined my most private of areas.

The only thing that surprised me was when she said, "Testes small and underdeveloped for this age." What, oh no! I did have a problem! I wasn't average. I was ashamed of myself. I could tell you more, but I will leave it there. What did result was Marjorie did explain that everything else was normal of size and condition. I trusted her to tell me the truth; she had never lied to me.

It was time for my decision. Marjorie explained that with a new procedure there would be no cutting or actual changes made to me. She said they were just temporary cosmetic changes and they would work perfectly with me. She told me that with my testes being underdeveloped my discomfort would be minimal and only last a second or two. She did say they would be using a few stitches, which no one would be able to see.

She showed me a picture of what I would look like there after she was done. I could not believe it. I saw a girl's groin, and Marjorie assured me that this picture was taken of what used to be a boy and that everything a boy had was still there. With that, I agreed and they both smiled.

She asked me if I had to pee and I did, so Grace held the urinal for me again. I was done and Marjorie was busy setting thing up when Grace came over with some diapers. What? She told me that I was going to be numbed, I would lose control for about four to six hours after the procedure, and the diapers were for my own comfort and her car seats protection. She said this with a chuckle. I also saw a pair of pale pink plastic pants. Oh GEEZE! (No disposables back then dear readers!)

Marjorie came over as Grace slid the diapers under my bottom having me lift my bottom for her. Marjorie then told me that this next step was to clean the area real well and it would be very cold. IT WAS! She changed gloves again and told me this part would sting for a few seconds. IT DID! OUCH! Then she told me she would be back in a few minutes.

I just lay there with my bottom in the air with my legs spread wide. I felt my groin going numb and soon I could not feel anything at all.

Marjorie came back then and washed her hands, she put on another set of gloves as did Grace. She sat on the stool again and asked Grace to hand her certain things.

I felt pressure and then a few tugs but that was all. I could see Grace and she was smiling real big. She looked at me and said, "Rachel it is, for awhile," and she smiled at me. Marjorie put something against me for a few seconds and then looked up at me and smiled. She said, "Rachel, you look exactly like any girl now." She held a mirror for me to see myself and I was surprised that I did look just like a girl down there!

All I could say was, "WOW." She smiled and stood up. Grace went over, pulled up, fastened the diapers, and freed me from the stirrups. She helped me sit up and slid the plastic panties over my feet and up my legs. She helped me to stand and it was a little difficult at first. She pulled the plastic panties up the rest of the way. Marjorie told me I could get dressed now.

Grace helped me into all my clothes leaving the thong and panties off; we just put on the pantyhose. I was Rachel once again, but this time I was ready to be her. After this, she wiped my face off with a cool damp cloth and helped me re-apply some more lipstick. I was ready to go home...

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy.

"Strange fascination, fascinating me..." -- David Bowie

A Life Ever Changing #18

Ch-Ch-Changes

by Angel O’Hare

I was ready to go home...

I walked out with Grace's help and waddled my way to her car. Anyone who saw me now would see Rachel and not Ricky! No, Ricky only existed within me and for all other purposes Ricky was shelved for now. A new beginning was here. I was a sixteen-year-old infant girl. I needed to learn and learn quickly. I would do so at a pace, I could handle though and not let others push me too fast again! The cost was much too high.

Grace helped me into the car and buckled my seat belt. She gave me a pat on the shoulder and smiled.

I remembered I hadn't called Barbara, I just had given her a wave and blew her a kiss when I had left early this morning. I would have to call her right away! I wonder what my mother and Harriet were doing right now. Shopping I knew, but were they done? Were they at Harriet's now?

I asked Grace where we were headed and she said, "To Harriet's, Rachel. She has given me a key and told me to take you there when you were through, okay?"

I said okay and felt a big relief. I had hoped we wouldn't be going back to my house. I would have freaked! Nobody in my neighborhood could see me like this, especially the Nelson’s and definitely not Barbara; I had to call her right away, but what was I going to say? How was I going to explain my absence to her? I would have to try and figure out how to say things without fibbing or making too much up! I would easily be found out if I made too much up, to easy to slip up the more complex a lie gets!

I asked Grace what I should tell my girl Barbara. Grace answered, "Rachel, tell her as much of the truth as you can. It is always best to do that. When you have to either make something up or not say anything, it is best not to say anything at all." She chuckled. "You could tell her all about your new job. How much it pays and the educational fund promised you. You could also mention you will be staying at several different places so you will call her instead of having her call you. Don't forget to mention you will get a week off every month and will see her then."

Now that made a lot of sense to me. It solved a lot of complicated situations I had been thinking. I said, "Thank you, Grace that is great advice."

She smiled and reminded me to call her Mrs. Brown if we were out and about, but Grace was fine if we were with people we both knew. I felt better knowing that. Calling her Mrs. Brown all the time after all I had been through with her just didn't seem right to me. She was very close to me now. Much closer than someone, you called Mrs. Brown!

It would be a little while until we reached Harriet's house so I sat back and relaxed as much as I could, considering what I was feeling and wearing! I decided to look in my purse for something to do and occupy my mind. I opened it and started taking things out one by one. Hairbrush, comb, lipstick, compact, one package of tissues, key chain made of brass that spelled 'Rachel' with a bunch of different keys attached. Hmm, what are all these keys too? I would ask Grace later.

What's this? A hard pink plastic tube, you pulled apart, which held two of something. I pulled it apart and saw two paper covered things. They were about four inches long I saw as I pulled one free of the container, TWO TAMPAX TAMPONS, what the hell!

Grace looked over just then and started laughing. She said, "Rachel, every girl needs those in her purse. It would seem very strange to other girls if you did not have them. A girl you meet might ask you for one if she has run out or forgotten hers. Some girls just don't know when their period might start and might need one from you. Emergencies do happen you know."

I looked at her, put two and two together, and said, "That makes sense; I will have to remember that, thank you, Grace." I asked her, "How do these work anyway?"

It was her turn to look a little surprised and she just looked at me for a second and then said, "Rachel, that will be part of your training and you will learn all about them then okay?"

I said ok and she smiled at me and patted my thigh. I put the tampons back, closed the container, and continued exploring the contents of my purse. I found an extra pair of pantyhose, mascara "for great looking lashes" it said on the bottle, another small compact with several different shades of what looked like hard powder in several different sections. It said "Long Lasting Eye-Shadow" on the packet.

I had a lot to learn! I found two soft packets wrapped in pink paper. They were long and flat about an inch thick. I felt the packet and I could tell there were two small safety pins inside. I looked at Grace and she chuckled and then said, "Those are sanitary napkins Rachel, you pin them inside the crotch of your panties. Some girls like to use those instead of the tampons. OH! I got it now! She continued, "Some girl's wear both on really bad days."

Damn, I never knew about this! That must be bad if you had to use both kinds at the same time! I was very happy I was not a 100% girl then! I asked Grace, "This happens every month?"

She chuckled again and said, "Yes, Rachel, and it lasts for several days sometimes a whole week."

Oh GEEZE, that must be terrible! I really felt bad for all the girls then, what they have to go through just being girls! I shook my head and continued exploring my purse. There was a small bottle of aspirin and a few band-aids in a zipper pouch. A small container of roll-on deodorant and a small bottle of spray on perfume both said "Rose Petal" on the sides. These were also in a plastic zipper pouch.

Grace then announced that we were now at Harriet's house and for me to put all my stuff back. So I did and held up my new key chain saying, "Are any of these for Harriet's house?"

Grace laughed and said, "Yes, and also my house, your house, Betty's house and a few other places I will tell you about later, okay?"

I said ok as I quickly put all the things back in my purse. I would have to label these keys somehow until I got to know which was which.

We both exited the car and I almost fell. Between the heels and the numbness, I just about lost my balance! Grace caught me just in time and told me to be careful. I laughed at that!

We made it to the door and Grace unlocked and opened it. Empty. Nobody was home but there was a note on the table. It read, "Have Rachel eat and go to her room to rest. She will need it; there is much for her to do later on tonight. We will be bringing dinner home with us." It was signed Harriet and Mom.

I wasn't hungry, just real thirsty so I drank a ton of juice. Grace helped me upstairs and we looked for my room. We found it three doors later and it was a nice room! Light blue with white trim and lace everywhere! I could have done without so much lace, but what the heck; my aunt needed her fun and enjoyment too. A pale red and very sheer nightgown lay on the bed. A matching robe lay next to it. It was a short nightgown and would not even cover my bottom if I even bent over a little bit

Grace helped me out of my dress and pantyhose, checking my diapers and leaving them on. Oh GEEZE! The nightgown didn't cover their bulk and the pink plastic panties contrasted with it! Well, at least I had the robe!

I got into bed and Grace tucked me in and kissed me. She said, "Pleasant dreams Rachel, I will wake you when it is time."

I said, "Thank you Grace" and rolled on my side and in seconds drifted off to sleep.

Dreams, what they can do to a person! Ricky and Rachel in the same body, ever changing, back and forth, morphing from one shape to the other in vivid detail!

That wasn't the bad part it was when it happened in school and in front of the Nelson’s and Barbara that was horrifying! I kept morphing into each shape slowly but surely in every scene! Each time shock and every different emotion you can think of was registered on the faces of those I had morphed in front of!

The worst part of the dream came when I was at home and morphed in front of the little ones! They started to scream and wouldn't stop! I woke up drenched in sweat and shaking all over.

It was still light out; I could see the sun's rays streaming in beams from the slats in the blinds that covered the window. The white sheer lace curtains caused the beams to make vivid patterns shoot across the room. I was safe, it was only a dream, but what a dream it had been!

I would have to be confident and sure in whatever form I was in, that I knew was a certainty. Any slip up by me would have dire consequences not only for me, but for those I loved as well.

I felt funny. My bottom and groin felt wet and hot, I was covered in sweat, and I wanted to freshen up now! I started to rise when the door opened and in walked my mom, Harriet and Grace. They all smiled and were happy to see me awake. I smiled back and said, "Hi, I really need to freshen up."

Grace said, "Not so fast, Rachel, I have to check you over first and we should get you out of those wet diapers." OH GEEZE!

I answered her, "Grace, I can remove my own diapers and a shower would do the rest."

She shook her head no, and my mother added, "Rachel, you do as Grace says, she knows what has to be looked at and why." Oh GEEZE!

Okay, so Grace had me lay back down, but first laid something made of rubber on the bed. I lifted my bottom as she asked me to and she removed the plastic panties. The diapers were soaked! She had a hard time un-pinning them but did. She had me lift my bottom again and removed them. Thank Goodness! Those plastic panties held in the heat and it felt good to be free again!

My mom had a strong flashlight and shined it on my groin. I looked down and watched as Grace examined my sutures and she smiled. Harriet handed her something from a case she was holding. She had me lift my bottom again and I said, "Not more diapers please!"

They all laughed at that and Grace said, "No, dear, this is just an absorbent cloth to catch the excess fluid I am going to use."

I said okay and lifted my bottom as she tucked a bit of cloth under me. She then filled a funny looking bulb-shaped thing, it has a nozzle on the end, with fluid from a big bottle Harriet was holding for her. Grace gently inserted it into the folds that were now part of my anatomy. She squeezed the bulb and a cold wetness flowed in and around my newly shaped anatomy. IT FELT SOOTHING! Oh, relief was that quick!

They all giggled at my reaction and I smiled and told them that it felt wonderful. They giggled again and my mom said, "We know dear, we like it too, when we use it." What?

Each of them bent real close then and examined my newly shaped anatomy. My mom and Harriet both said, "PERFECT!" at the same time. I hate it when they do that! I noticed Harriet and my mom both wore gloves and just had to touch me there and they did just that! I felt a little sore, I asked them to stop, and they did.

Grace used something else, sprayed the area with it, and then gently patted me dry. She used some cotton and a long tweezers like thing to gently dry me inside there. Harriet then said, "Rachel, you will have to settle for bed baths for a couple of days."

Grace added, "Just think of it as part of your lessons."

I groaned and told them okay. My mom added, "Honey, it's just until you heal enough down there and then you can take baths and shower all you want."

I looked at her and smiled saying, "It's okay, Mom I understand." I got up and asked if I could go to the bathroom now and they said okay.

Grace added to my dismay, "Rachel if you pee one of us will have to rinse you out and dry you off. It is the only way to prevent infection." I asked her if she could just show me, what to do, and what to look for. She said yes. COOL!

I went to the bathroom and sat on the throne. I would be doing just that, sitting to pee from now on until Rachel disappeared and Ricky returned in full form. What? The pee shot out everywhere! I was surprised at that! This was a lot messier than just the old aim and shoot!

I patted myself with toilet tissue, a lot of toilet tissue, and then asked Grace to come in. She came in and repeated the procedure she had used a few minutes before. This time she explained everything step by step to me, and let me do most of it myself. She told me to ask for one of them once more, so they were sure I did it right and I agreed.

Grace had me step into the tub and she took off my nightgown and proceeded to give me a sponge bath. She was careful not to get me wet down there again and soon I was done and she patted me dry with a fluffy towel. She handed me just the robe from the nightgown set and we returned to my room so I could get dressed for dinner, and whatever else was to come.

A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy.

"She's my little rock 'n' roll, my tits and ass with soul..." - M.Jagger & K.Richards

A Life Ever Changing #19

Little T & A

by Angel O’Hare

She handed me just the robe from the nightgown set and we returned to my room so I could get dressed for dinner and what else was to come...

Grace asked me what I wanted to wear this morning. "What?" I asked, "I thought I would be dressing for dinner? Morning? How long was I asleep?"

Grace answered, "Honey, you have been asleep since you got home yesterday afternoon. We just couldn't wake you. We decided to let you wake up on your own. It is now 10:00 am Monday morning." Holy COW! "Your mother and Harriet brought back dinner with them and we ate and talked most of the evening. We put away most of the things they had bought you, but some of them are still downstairs." She chuckled and continued, "Now we have been waiting for you to wake up and join us so lets get cracking shall we?"

I said, "But what about the kids, and my mom has to work today doesn't she?"

Grace answered by laughing and said, "Rachel, your mother took the day off and both her and I left here and went home last night. We came back here at around 7:00 this morning." She chuckled again and told me she would let me pick out anything I wanted, but to "hurry up!"

My mom came in holding something and said, "Rachel you will have to put this on first just in case you bleed a little from your sutures." She told me, "Honey this is a sanitary belt. It holds the napkin tightly against you and keeps it in place."

I saw that this belt was thin and had two other parts hanging down from it. They held what looked like little metal pieces that had a whole in the center with a pointed piece sticking part way down in the center of the little holes. I must have looked funny because my mother and Grace chuckled and my mom said, "Look I will show you how to use it. First you put this long part around your waist and snap it together like this."

It snapped together just like she said and then she held up a sanitary napkin. It was long and thick and the ends were very thin each end was about four inches long. She continued, "The thin ends you thread through these openings and pull them snug against the pointy ends of the clips. First thread the front." She showed me what to do. "Then you thread the back piece and pull it through until it rests snug against you. Remember that you want it to stay beneath the waist band of your panties." With that, she pulled the back piece through and secured it in the clip. It was snug and the belt was low enough to be hidden by my panties when I put them on over this thing. IT FELT WEIRD!

I thanked her for her help and went to the dresser looking in the drawers for my bra and panties that I now needed. I found a plain white set I was happy with and first put on the panties. They fit really well. I then put on the bra the easy way and adjusted the cup straps myself until they felt right.

My mom said, "Very good Rachel!" I blushed!

So wearing a big puffy napkin under my panties and a new white bra, I walked into the closet and saw a bunch of dresses and skirts and blouses! I chose a yellow skirt and a white button down short-sleeve blouse that were together on a special hanger. My mom told me I would need a half-slip to wear with that skirt. I said, "What?"

She laughed and took one out of a drawer and told me to put it on and I did. Ok, I understand! She told me it helped to keep the skirt from clinging to my legs. It would also help with stopping anyone from seeing through my light skirt when I was walking outside in the sun.

I blushed again and she chuckled. She asked me if I wanted to wear anklets or pantyhose. She said I could also just wear sandals if I wanted, but that I would have to paint my toenails. I decided on the yellow anklets and then she handed me a pair of white sneakers.

I looked in the mirror and was shocked to see my bra clearly through the blouse! I told my mother this and she chuckled again as I turned even redder! She told me I could wear a light sleeveless t-shirt under it if I wanted to. I DID WANT TO! So I found one and it was different silky and very light. I put my blouse back on and looked in the mirror again. Much better!

My mom said for me to fix my hair and face. I brushed my hair and put it into a ponytail. I saw a bunch of different lipsticks on the vanity. I was lost! My mom selected a light shade of pink and handed it to me. I tried to put it on and messed it up. My mother chuckled and came to me with tissues in hand and wiped it off. She took the lipstick from me and showed me in the mirror how to apply it. Ok, so now I had to blot and reapply another coat. I did and I blotted that. My mom was happy! I chuckled then. She gave me a hug and a kiss, took my hand, and down the stairs we went.

Harriet was waiting for me at the kitchen table she had prepared a very light breakfast for me. She put in front of me a cup of coffee and an English muffin. I’m starved and all I get is coffee and a muffin! She saw the look on my face and chuckled telling me, "Rachel Honey, we will be eating lunch in about an hour so a very light breakfast is what you get."

After my "light breakfast,” Harriet told me she was going to do something with my hair while my mom re-colored my nails a light shade of pink to match my lipstick. She also told me to refresh my lipstick. My mom went upstairs to get the nail polish and my forgotten tube of lipstick. I had a lot to learn!

"I need to use the phone! Barbara has been waiting for me to call her and I should have done it yesterday!" I said this as I walked away from Harriet and Grace headed for the library and office Harriet had. I wanted some privacy and closed the door behind me. I was hoping I would not screw this up. It was going to be hard enough talking to my girl, dressed and looking like a girl myself!

I dialed the number and let it ring, and ring, and ring. Finally, Mrs. Nelson answered! "Hello, Nelson residence."

I said, "Hi Mrs. Nelson is Barbara there this is Rich."

Mrs. Nelson answered, "Oh, Hi Rich hang on a second."

Shortly Barbara came on the line a little out of breath and said, "You were supposed to have called me a long time ago RICH!"

I apologized and went on quickly hoping she would just forget my being very tardy in calling her. I spoke again, "Barb, it has been a crazy few days but I wanted to let you know from me first all about it, okay?"

Barbara I knew was very interested because she just said, "I bet it has been! I have a ton of questions for you but just tell me what has been going on."

Wow, just tell her what has been going on? I know she is dying to know. I chuckled to myself. "Barb, I went to apply for a job at the nursing home and got a lot more than I bargained for. I was hired to do private duty care for a family that lives in MOUNTAIN VIEW ESTATES!"

Barbara cut in and said, "Mountain View Estates? WOW! What are they paying you?"

I figured that would get her! I chuckled again. "$200.00 a week plus! The only problem is I have to work three weeks on and one week off every month." Barb groaned I could hear it plain as day over the phone.

She said, "Oh crap! But hey, that's a lot of money! Don't you need to be trained to do that?"

I answered, "Yes, and I will be trained. Remember that nurse you saw with me at my house?" She said yes and I continued, "That was Mrs. Brown and she will be training me. I will be able to call you every night though, Barb. I can't give out the number, but I promise I will call you every night, okay?"

Barbara answered in a quiet voice, "Rich, when can we see each other again, tonight or tomorrow?"

I answered, "Barb, I just don't know right now, but not any time soon; there is so much to do and learn and so little time for me to do it all in before I start work. I am sorry; I really want to see you."

She sighed heavily and said, "Ok, but I hope it will be sooner more than later. My mother was going to take me shopping for school stuff. I asked her and she said you could come with us." OH GEEZE! That would have been great!

I said, "I'm sorry honey, I really would have liked that. But, there is just no extra time for me right now."

I could tell she was really disappointed because she said, "We were even going to get you a few things my mom and I saw that we thought you would look great in." OH DOUBLE GEEZE!

I said, "I'm so sorry Honey! I really, really wish I could go, but I just can't right now. It's just impossible to get away for even a few hours. Every minute of every day has been planned out for me already."

Barb said, "OH CRAP!"

Real loud and I heard her mother in the background say to her, "BARBARA ANN NELSON! That is not the way a lady talks!"

I chuckled and so did Barbara. She apologized to her mom and continued talking to me saying, "Well, we will go shopping without you but I am getting you one outfit I know my mom wants you to have and I really like it! It was made just for you and you have to promise me right now you will wear it for me."

What could I do or say about that? I looked at myself and chuckled; no matter what her mother and she picked out for me couldn't be anything like what I am wearing now! So I said, "Barb, the day I can see you again I promise to wear it just for you, okay?"

She said, "GREAT you can change right here and my mom will take us somewhere special!" She sounded so excited! Barb said, "Oh Rich, my mom wants your mom to call her as soon as she can ok? She says it's very important."

I said, "Okay, I will tell my mom as soon as I can." Barb gave me a kiss over the phone and I returned the kiss and said, "Barb, I have to go now. I can't wait to see you again and I hope it is soon."

Barb said, "Rich please make it as soon as you can ok?" I said I would we kissed again and we hung up at the same time.

Whew, I got through that one ok. I got up, went back into the kitchen, and gave my mom the message from Mrs. Nelson. My mother said, "Well, if it is important I will go call her right now." She handed me my lipstick and left for the library/office to make the call. I wondered what was so important. I also wondered what outfit Barbara and Mrs. Nelson had picked out for me? Hmm.

I retouched my lips with the lipstick and Harriet told me to come over and sit next to her. I sat and Grace started telling me the "plan of the day." Harriet began working on my hair as Grace said, "I brought some of the supplies we need to teach you the basics, Rachel, but we still need a few things. Since Harriet has been so wonderful to act as a resident we need to get a few things for her that are new. I don't want her to have to use anything someone else has worn. We will be going to the medical supply house near here to get a few things and I need you to come with me."

I said okay and thanked Aunt Harriet again for volunteering. I just did not realize what she was really volunteering for until later. Then, I would really thank her! Letting someone else especially a nephew (or niece) practice direct care techniques and procedures on your person is a lot to ask!

Harriet squeezed my shoulders and said, "Rachel, I know you, this field was made for you and I want you to succeed. I also know that if you mess up with anything I can beat the heck out of you as well." She chuckled and I cringed! I knew she would!

Grace laughed and asked Harriet, "I need to take a few measurements of you Harriet. Betty has her girls wear some special items and she has offered to have them made to your size so Rachel can practice putting them on, okay?"

Harriet said, "Sure, Grace, but what are these special items? Can you tell us?"

Grace then answered, "The girls like to remove their diapers especially when they are wet or messy. So Betty had a lightweight special covering designed for them to wear. They also tend to remove their clothing whenever the mood strikes them, so Betty had special mittens made so they couldn't do this when they had company or were taking the girls somewhere. When they are home she lets them do as they wish, but not remove their diapers." Grace chuckled and asked Harriet to follow her. Harriet and Grace left me as my mother walked back into the kitchen.

My mom looked at me with an expression of (how do I explain this to her/him) on her face. I looked at her and said, "Okay, Mom, out with it!"

She sighed and said, "Rachel, I asked Rita (Mrs. Nelson) to watch the little ones and they told her about all your presents and Rita was curious and well, she looked around and put two and two together."

OH GEEZE!!!!!!!! NOTHING COULD HAVE BEEN WORSE! I WAS DOOMED FOREVER! Barbara was going to find out and that was that! Everybody would know and now I am dead meat! I could never go back home now! I just hollered out real loud then, "NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

My mother rushed over to me and hugged me saying, "Rachel, it's ok! She is not going to say a word to no one! She even had the same thoughts about you. She did have one request to insure her silence though."

Oh great! I asked, "And what was the request?"

My mom said, "She wants to meet Rachel." OH GEEZE and double CRAP!

Just then, Grace and Harriet came running into the kitchen. Harriet was just wearing her bra and panties. They both looked at my mother and then at me so my mom explained to them what had happened. Grace asked, "Can you trust her?"

Harriet butted in and said, "Rita? Oh yes, we can trust her! She has mentioned to me several times how much she would love to see Ricky in a dress just once."

Oh GEEZE! Why am I always the last to know this stuff?

My mom added, "She will be here in about thirty minutes."

I yelled, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN she will be here in thirty minutes?"

My mother said, "Rachel would you rather we drive you over there?"

OH GEEZE! I said, "Oh no!" I asked her, "Does this mean Barbara knows as well?"

My mother answered, "Not yet she doesn't, but that all depends on you and Rita doesn't it?"

OH GEEZE! This is a nightmare unfolding its terrible wings like a bat. I could hear its searching call screeching in my ears! I was grouped hugged just then and Harriet said in my ear, "Rachel, let's turn this around and make this a good thing instead of a terrible one, okay?"

I looked at her with what must have been a dumbfounded look on my face because she continued, "Look around you Honey, and what do you see? All females’ right? Well, just get into your automatic female mode like when you are with the girls and meet Rita as Rachel, not as a boy acting like a girl." With that said, they all started talking at once and lifted me out of my chair.

Harriet looked at me and said, "Well, Grace needs to finish measuring me and you can write down what she reads. You can also pick something out for me to wear, okay? I wanted to shower anyway, so pick out everything I will need from the skin out."

I was startled back into normalcy then and answered her, "Okay, but I can't promise you it will be something you want to wear."

She just laughed and said, "I trust you, Rachel, and I will wear whatever you pick out."

Grace said, "Let's finish these measurements," as she wrapped the tape measure under Harriet's breasts. She took several other measurements and I wrote them down as she said them.

That done Harriet had me follow her into her bedroom. She said, "Okay, Honey, just poke around in the drawers and closet and pick some things out. First though unhook me will you?" With that said, she turned her back to me so I could unhook her bra for her.

I hesitated and she said, "Honey. It's just us girls here so hurry please; I have to take a quick shower as it is!" I unhooked her bra then and she just slipped it off in front of me as if it was the most regular thing to do. She slipped out of her panties and I saw my Aunt completely nude. She is beautiful!

I smiled and told her she was beautiful and she thanked me smiling as she actually bounced into the bathroom. I started poking around in her drawers and found a very pretty blue and white floral design bra and panty set. I also found a pair of very light flesh colored pantyhose. I went to her closet and found a dress that looked easy to wear and lightweight. I thought about my skirt and looked around until I found a full slip for her to wear under it. I also selected a pair of light blue flats that matched the color of the dress. Flats would be much easier to wear and more comfortable than heels!

Harriet finished her shower and came out of the bathroom wearing just a towel wrapped around her body over her breasts. She said, "This is how you should wear a towel Rachel, wrapped just like this." Her hair was dry I figured she had warn a shower cap. She then pulled the towel away and patted herself a little more. She turned and asked me to pat her back and legs dry so I did.

She had me help her dress and thanked me for picking out a great outfit. She said, "You thought of everything I would need. You did a very good job, Rachel." She smiled and gave me a hug and a kiss and sat at her vanity. She described what she was doing with the make-up she was using and why.

When she was done, which was a lot quicker than I thought was ever possible, she had me sit at the vanity then and she tweezed my eyebrows into thin arches. She applied some eye shadow, mixing a few colors and shading them together on my eyelids with her fingers. She shaped my eyelashes with that funny shaped thing and applied some mascara. She then removed my old fingernail polish and applied two new coats of a light pink color that matched my lipstick.

I looked in the mirror and said, "Wow, what a difference! I look a little older and prettier, I think."

Harriet smiled and chuckled giving me a peck on the neck and said, "Rachel, you are so sweet and thoughtful. I have just one more thing for us to wear." With that said, she told me to watch her and she sprayed something from an atomizer in to the air and walked through the mist. She told me to do the same as she handed it to me. So, I sprayed it into the air and walked through it just as she did. We both now smelled like fresh picked Roses.

Just then, the doorbell rang. I jumped knowing what was ahead.

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy.

This chapter has been rewritten in several areas.

"They've got everything you need, roll up for the Mystery Tour." - The Beatles

A Life Ever Changing #20

Mystery Tour

by Angel O’Hare

Just then the doorbell rang. I jumped knowing what was ahead...

My mom answered the door and sure enough, it was Rita. (Mrs. Nelson) She was smiling and said hello to Mom and Grace as she entered Harriet's and now my home as well.

I heard my mother ask Rita if she would like some tea and Rita said, "I would love some Julia. Grace it is so good to see you again." What? Will this conspiracy never end? She knew Grace as well.

I wondered about this as Harriet pulled me back a little causing me to stop in my tacks and she said, "Wait a second Rachel, I just thought of something we both need." She led me back to her room by the hand and when she let go of me she opened a jewelry box on her vanity. "Here they are," she said as she held out a necklace and bracelet for me to see.

She had me help her put them on and she went back to looking through her large jewelry box. She continued talking, "Rachel your earrings are pretty and that glue must be very good stuff!"

My mind was busy thinking of many unanswered questions and things that just did not seem to fit in place so I decided to ask Harriet a simple direct but open question. I asked, "Harriet, what did you girls talk about all night while I slept?"

Harriet paused looking through her jewelry to look at me and answered, "Why, you, of course, silly! Grace wanted to know what else had happened at school. You know the parts you left out. So, Julia and I told her all about it." She chuckled and continued, "You know Rachel, it would have been nicer if you would have told her, but she understood after we filled her in. Sometimes you are too modest for your own good!"

She chuckled again and I asked her, "So what did you tell her 'EXACTLY' I have to know!"

Harriet sat on her vanity stool still looking through her jewelry box as she said, "Rachel, you hurt those boys pretty severely you know and they couldn't play in several games after that. That was why the coach was mad at you. He was not mad at the why you did it, just the outcome.

"When the Special Education teacher heard that you were going to be suspended she organized a rally for you. She printed up flyers with the true story of what happened and distributed them to each teacher to read to their homeroom classes. All the teachers did just that! There were some ugly rumors being spread about you and that reading exposed those spreading the lies. You remember the first day of your suspension?"

I nodded.

"When five of the girls at your school came over with all your homework and assignments for the length of your suspension?"

I nodded again.

"Remember all those notes each of your schoolbooks held?"

I nodded.

"We read every one of them after you went to sleep." She laughed remembering. "Your mother was so proud of you she cried! I cried too! Rachel you should never be ashamed or be too modest when you take a stand for others."

I jumped in, "But it was just something that had to be done. I was also thinking of Jerry (My little brother) and what if that was Jerry being picked on and hurt. The handicapped have no one to look after them outside their classrooms."

Harriet said, "Rachel, you decided on your own to be that person. That is something few students if any would ever do, not unless they were appointed in that role by the school administration. Your actions did just that Rachel! Because of you, those children now have the protection they needed! Because of you, those children are chaperoned to and from their classes and their busses! Julia and I could not see why you would not tell Grace that fact. It wasn't just you intervening like you told Grace at all! You helped make everyone aware of a big problem most adults just looked the other way too. You heard about the big assembly at the school a few days later I know."

I nodded again, and she continued. "All the parents of the handicapped children were there along with the majority of the faculty and the members of the Board of Education including the Superintendent of the whole district!" I said, "Yes, Auntie, I know, so what? It was a big show because of all the publicity that's all!" OUCH! And OUCH again! Harriet smacked me on the head twice and very hard at that! That hurt!

She said, "RACHEL, you are not that stupid! You know what they announced at that assembly?"

I said, "Yes, that is when they told everybody about the chaperones for the special kids at my school."

Harriet said, "Your school? No, Rachel, every school in the district! You did not know that?"

"No, I just thought it was for my school."

Harriet just looked at me as if I was nuts. She continued, "Why would all those reporters and even the TV people want to interview you if it was just at your school?"

I said, "I don't know, but I didn't talk to any of them anyway."

"We know that Rachel, we did not want to force you either, but we both wished you had talked to them. Maybe if you had, more special children would be protected from harm today."

I told her, "I hadn't thought of that Harriet. What I know is, that I didn't want to be on TV or the radio or even in the papers. I am pointed out enough as it is and I didn't want to attract any more attention to myself."

She just sighed and announced, "Here it is!" She held up a beautiful necklace! It was made of crystals like my earrings. The crystals shimmered and gleamed in the sunlight. She helped me put it on and I looked into the mirror. The necklace drew attention to my earrings as well as my breasts! Oops! I really did not want it to have that effect!

Harriet saw me looking funny and asked me what was wrong. I told her and she chuckled saying, "Honey, get used to it. The first things boys and men look at will always be your breasts." She gave me a hug and told me, "Don't worry Rachel, you have a very nice shape and your breasts are proportionate to a little small for your frame. You don't stick out like some other girls and women. They really get noticed." She laughed at that and grabbed my hand leading me out of her room and down the stairs.

Rita saw me first and her mouth dropped she just looked at me as if I was an apparition not to be believed. I was red as a beet again; I could feel my face redden!

Mrs. Nelson stood up and slowly walked over to me shaking her head from side to side. She smiled and said, "I have secretly wished to see you dressed as a girl for several years now, I never expected this. I knew you would look more than passable, even cute dressed as a girl. You have turned out to surpass anything I have ever pictured in my mind. You’re beautiful!"

I was even redder now! From my head to my toes showed neon red! I knew I was not beautiful! I was cute and fully made up maybe even pretty, but not beautiful! I knew what beautiful was and that was Barbara, my mom and Aunt Harriet and even Mrs. Nelson! Now they were beautiful! I looked at Mrs. Nelson with my head lowered just tilting my head high enough to see her with my eyes.

She reached with her hands and lifted my chin until I was fully facing her. She took both my hands in hers, as she looked deep into my eyes then and said, "I was just telling Grace and Julia how much I had wanted to dress you up when the girls and you were all together at my house. You fit in so perfectly with them, the only oddity was the way you were dressed. You took on there mannerisms within a very short while and the only topic you would not join in with was when they started talking about boys."

She chuckled as did the rest of the ladies and continued, "Rachel I know you do not fully recognize the gift you have. You mother and Grace have told me what a hard time you have had with this lately and that they had to move quickly. They also told me that they could tell you had made your decision from deep inside you and that you have decided to be a girl with your mind, body, and soul. I just want you to know that you can count on me for my support and help in this. I also want you to know that I just had to see you! I have wanted to see you like this for years and now that I have, I know that I was right! I also know how difficult this is, and will continue to be for you as time goes on. I have come here with another problem we have that must be resolved. Do you know what that is?"

I was looking deep in Mrs. Nelson's eyes as she was in mine and I said, "Yes, it is a big problem the biggest and most troublesome problem for me as well as you, Barbara!"

She nodded and with a tear in her eye she continued, "Rachel after you were done talking to each other on the phone Barb ran up to her room in tears. She even closed and locked her door and you know she almost never does that unless she is deeply troubled about something!" Mrs. Nelson started to cry then, really cry with tears streaming down her face and body shaking sobs.

It was group hug time again and we all hugged her trying to reassure her we would come up with a solution to this latest and most troubling problem. We sat her down and Harriet went to make her an alcoholic drink. A hefty one at that I bet!

My mom handed her a few tissues and was saying, "Rita we will help and I know we can come up with a solution that will work out for us all."

Rita dried her eyes, blew her nose, and said, "I was able to get her to let me in and we talked for a long time. She really loves Rich and she told me she just knew she had lost him. You should have seen her! I have never seen her so hurt in all her years! She told me that Rich was not only her boyfriend but he was her best friend and confidant. She could tell him anything and everything and did just that. I knew this and I know how much they care for each other. You can see it, in everything they do together, and how they talk about each other when they are apart. The worst thing in the world has happened to my little girl and I need all your help to help her."

Harriet came back and handed Rita a drink. (I knew what was in it!) Rita took a sip and then another and then another and smiled looking up at Harriet and said, "Just what the doctor ordered!" Everybody laughed and the tension eased a little bit.

I looked at Rita and then gave her a hug and asked, "Mrs. Nelson, what can I do? I don't want Barbara seeing me like this! What would she think when I showed up to take her out dressed and looking like this? I love her very much and I do not want to lose her because of this!" I held my arms out and swept them downward from my breasts to my knees indicating the way I was dressed and looked.

She answered by standing up and hugging me close to her saying, "Rachel, you have never kept secrets from each other why start now? You both care so much about each other why should you not trust her with knowing about this?" She looked deep into my eyes and I was going to loose it again I just knew it!

She must have looked at the others and said something because I was surrounded then by the ladies and being hugged and led to the couch. They sat me down with Grace on one side and my mom on the other. Harriet went back to the alcohol cabinet and Rita stood before me.

Rita continued by saying, "Rachel, Barb knows a lot more than you think she does. When she and I talked for so long, I let her know a few things. Don't worry, I did not tell her what exactly, just that there was a lot more to you going away like you did than what you had told her. She is a very smart girl just as you are." (She smiled at her own remark calling me a very smart girl!)

Just then, Harriet came to me and handed me a desperately needed boost! I sipped and sipped again ending up drinking it all down. I looked up at Rita and asked, "Just what do you think I should do? Should I just show up looking like this? I don't think so!"

All the ladies at once said, "CALL HER!" (I hate when they do that!)

Rita continued and said, "She already knows about your job, but what she doesn't know is that you have to be a girl to do it. So, why don't you explain everything to Barbara? Let me prepare her in my own way and give me a few hours before you make that call ok?"

I said, "Alright I will do it, but if it turns out badly I don't know what I can do or what I will do." They all looked at me again concern and love written on their faces. My mom, Grace and Harriet all said they would be with me and would make sure I would be okay. I chuckled in disbelief but just shook my head in understanding. I could picture it now! All tied up and drugged, waking up to find myself in diapers again facing Dr. Purnell! I laughed just thinking about it and knew this just had to work out or else!

Grace said, "Okay, well let us all go shopping for Harriet's items but first let me call Betty." She left to call Betty and my mom said we should all freshen up before we left including Rita.

Rita laughed as she looked in the mirror at herself. She said, "I look like a clown! Barbara would never hear a thing I have to say if she saw me looking like this!"

We all laughed then as we each went to find a mirror of our own. I went back to my room and selected a purse from about six that were hanging in my closet by pegs. I chose a pale yellow that closely matched my skirt. I transferred the items from the red one I had used to this one. I added the lipstick and then repaired my make-up as best I could. It did turn out well. I had not cried much so just a little repair was needed. I turned and saw Rita looking at me smiling. OH GEEZE!

She came in and hugged me kissing me softly on my cheek. She said, "Rachel, it is going to be alright. You know how Barb is and I know she will love you just as much as Rachel. Just think of all the things we can do and places we can go with each other as girls!"

I just looked at her not knowing what to say to that. It did start me thinking again! OH GEEZE! We all met in the living room and said goodbye to Rita. My mom noticed my purse and told me what a smart girl I was. Grace and Harriet just nodded in agreement and we left for the Medical Supply Store. We all decided to take Grace's car, not a difficult choice at all to make really. We all piled in with me sitting in back with my mother. Off we went as Grace informed us it was only about ten minutes away.

We arrived at this huge building. It had a storefront that was as big as a supermarket's! Grace informed us that they supplied most of the hospitals and nursing homes for this part of the state. I was impressed with the size, HUGE!

Harriet said, "So Grace, do I have any say in what we are getting today?"

Grace chuckled and answered, "Of course Harriet, you can pick out what color and maybe even what style of a few items we will be getting today." She chuckled again and both my mother and I just smiled not knowing what to expect.

We walked in and saw a very big store! It had isle after isle, which were marked with signs for what they contained. Grace got a shopping cart and led us to an isle that had hospital gowns, hundreds of them! Grace looked at Harriet and said, "We need several different styles and you can select the colors you want."

Harriet smiled and Grace indicated which styles we needed and Harriet had fun modeling different colors and patterns for us. Just then, an older woman came up to us and asked if we needed any assistance and Grace answered, "Yes, we do. Our friend here (pointing to Harriet) is having some major surgery soon and will need items for complete care. We will need enough to last two weeks."

The older woman looked at Harriet and said, "I am so sorry you need such an operation but we do have everything you will possibly need right here." She looked at Grace and asked her, "I assume by everything you mean incontinence products as well?"

Grace said, "Oh, yes, indeed. After her initial recovery she will be convalescing at home."

The older lady introduced herself as Mrs. Meier and Grace made our introductions. Mrs. Meier looked at what Harriet had selected so far and mentioned, "Would you like matching sets or separates?"

Harriet said immediately, "Matching sets would be great!"

Mrs. Meier took two items away from Harriet and replaced them with two others, which looked a little young in pattern for Harriet. She said, "I know they look a little childish, but the other choices are to get all of the same color and pattern or white."

Harriet giggled and said, "These will be fine, I really don't like plain white."

We all laughed because one of the gowns had cute girl teddy bears printed on it sand the other was pink with little girls in diapers playing with dolls and toys. The other three gowns Harriet had selected were solid colors with lighter shades of pink, blue and yellow shaped like flowers.

Grace handed Mrs. Meier a list she had made which she looked at nodded and said, "We have all of these items and only two will need to be tried on for fit." She asked us all to follow her and we did. She led us to the incontinence products isle and looked at the sheet Grace had given to her again. She then began handing *me* the appropriate diapers in the colors and patterns Harriet had selected.

She looked at me and said, "Thank you dear you should be included in this process as well. Will you be helping take care of the patient?"

I answered her, "My Aunt, Mrs. Meier, and yes, I will be helping do most of her care."

She smiled and said, "That is so very sweet of you. Not many relatives will do this these days especially a young girl like you. Can I inquire if you do this as a job as well?"

I looked at Grace and she took over for me saying, "Rachel is in training and she has been hired already for a private duty case."

Mrs. Meier looked at me again and said, "Private duty is a wonderful way to begin in this field." With that said, she looked at Harriet and asked, "Well, dear, there is a decision we need to make before I pick your plastic panties for you I should have asked you this before. Will you be wearing thicker diapers for night use or will you be changed during the night as well?"

Grace quickly jumped in saying, "We will need both, thank you, Mrs. Meier."

She nodded and selected two different sizes for each matching pattern in two styles. Snap on and full cut plastic panties. Mrs. Meier recommended we get some inserts for the diapers since this would add to their absorbency capacity for night use. We agreed and she selected ten of these.

She looked at the list again and said, "The support hose are this way. You will need the belt with longer garters so they will reach over the diapers. As you know usually the garters are tucked under the panties, but in this case it is different." (I didn't know this! I did now.)

We were marched to and fro through the huge store by Mrs. Meier all going in the same direction. We were very glad for all her help. I looked at her while touching her shoulder to get her attention and said, "Mrs. Meier you are very kind to not only help us but with explaining the what as well as the why we need these items. You have taught me some very important lessons." She gave me a big smile and said, "What a sweet dear child, you are as polite as you are pretty."

She gave me a hug and a kiss on my cheek and said, "Harriet, do you have any sleeping or convalescent bras at home?" Harriet said that she did not so Mrs. Meier marched us off to another section of the store.

This was a secluded and private section separated from the main floor by a door and curtained window, which Mrs. Meier closed. She said, "When the curtains are closed we will not be disturbed at all." She locked the door and asked Harriet to remove her dress, slip, and bra. She asked Harriet, "Do you wish some privacy or is it all right for all of us to remain?" (Motioning with her hands indicating we three other women.)

Harriet chuckled and said she wanted us all to remain with her and Mrs. Meier smiled and took my hand. (I will have to remember that handholding is a big part of being a girl!) She led me over to a section that held many different bras, and started explaining why each was different and the purpose for which they were made. WOW, so many different kinds, which did so many different things, for just about any purpose you can think of. She then showed me what Harriet needed and why. She said, "When a woman is convalescing she needs to be as comfortable as possible. These bras help keep the breasts from any undue swaying and bouncing making it much more comfortable to lay about and slight walking and movement. They also help protect the nipples from chafing against the gowns."

I remembered my very sore nipples and realized she was definitely telling the truth! There were about ten different styles and Mrs. Meier selected one of each, handing them to me as she selected each one. She said, "Rachel, dear, every woman should own at least one of these bras. They are such a comfort to wear when just lying about. Do you have one?"

I said, "No, but I have been doing a lot of shopping lately and one of these was not in my budget at the present time." She chuckled and asked me my bra size and I looked at Grace pleadingly. Grace jumped in and said, "She is a 38 almost B." Grace chuckled and added, "We had to buy her all new bras just yesterday she has just sprouted so much recently."

I turned very red and nearly died on the spot! Mrs. Meier looked right at my breasts then and said, "Well, you surely need one of these! Now you just help me with the fitting and I will get you one as a present for assisting me, okay?"

I looked at her red as a beet and said, "Only if I don't need to be fitted, okay?"

She laughed and said, "Well a girl should always be fitted for a bra, but since you just were fitted yesterday we will just pick one that is in your size." She smiled, continuing to chuckle as she and I walked over to Harriet.

It was slightly cold in this room and Harriet's nipples were showing the effects of the chilly room. They were both drawn tight, and they stuck out from her breasts. Mrs. Meier noticed because she said, "We will have you fitted in a jiffy Harriet. You will not be chilled for long."

Harriet thanked her, "That would be great Mrs. Meier; I am getting goose bumps on top of goose bumps!" We all giggled at that and I noticed all the other ladies had the same condition. Not me! Mine remained hidden and I saw that Mrs. Meier noticed this as well. Hmm.

I blushed and Mrs. Meier said, "Rachel, if you don't stop blushing, your body will never cool." She chuckled and continued, "Don't be embarrassed that your nipples don't show like ours. You blush so much your body stays warm." Whew! I was very glad she had said that! She thought I was embarrassed about my nipples not showing! I chuckled and thought we would have to come up with a solution to that problem in case I was in a similar situation in the future.

Mrs. Meier asked me, "Rachel have you ever put a bra on a woman before?"

"I have helped but never did the whole procedure before.”

"Well here is your next lesson then." She took the bras from me and selected one handing it to me and said, "Harriet I don't want you to move at all let Rachel do all the work, okay?"

Harriet seeing my expression laughed as did the other ladies and agreed to just sit there. Mrs. Meier then told me to slip one of Harriet's arms through the strap and then the next. I did and she told me to slide the bra up her arms until they reached the breasts. I did this as well. She told me to slip the bra under the breasts and then pull the shoulder straps over Harriet's shoulders and I did that. Now Harriet's breasts were trapped, half in and half out of the bra, but the part of the bra that needed to be under the breasts was in place.

She had me fasten the bra in the back and then she said, "Rachel now watch what I do with this breast and you do the same with the other. You must do this as gently as possible ok?" I said that I would be very gentle and she smiled, as did Harriet! The women were enjoying seeing me do this far too much! Mrs. Meier gently inserted her hand in the bra, cupped Harriet’s left breast, and positioned the breast so the nipple was centered in the bra cup. The breast was also positioned to fully rest inside the cup.

Mrs. Meier then said, "Okay, Rachel, now it's your turn."

I did the same with Harriet's right breast. It took me more time than Mrs. Meier had taken but I did it correctly in the end. I could really feel her nipple in the palm of my hand, it was so taught and firm with being cold. The breast itself was firm yet yielding to my touch. It surprised me I had thought they would feel differently. I had never held a woman's breast in my hands before. I had to use both hands while Mrs. Meier could do it using only one.

She showed me how to comfortably remove a bra from a woman. It was different than I had thought! You just did not unhook and pull away as Harriet had done to herself earlier. You unhooked the bra and then holding a breast with one hand you freed the cup from that side and repeated the process with the other side only then did you slide the bra off of the arms.

Mrs. Meier explained, "You do it this way, Rachel, because you want the woman to remain comfortable. If you had just pulled the bra away from the breasts they would have bounced causing the woman to either be startled or worse causing discomfort." She added, "You may encounter women who may be resistant and this method protects the breasts from injury and affords you more control over the situation."

I nodded and said I understood and thanked her. She smiled calling me a sweet and polite girl once more. We did this with all ten different bras and Harriet's nipples must have warmed up because by the time I had finished with the fifth bra she was no longer taught and firm there. I could now put on and take off a bra for a woman like a professional!

Harriet asked if she could have one of each and Mrs. Meier gladly agreed to her request and Grace nodded giving her approval as well. She was in control of the purse strings as it were.

The next item on the list that needed fitting was the one-piece clothing that was just like a dancer’s leotard. There were two styles, one had a snap closure at the crotch the other had no closure at all.

Mrs. Meier informed Harriet it would be best if she wore the diapers for this step. Harriet turned red at the mention of this step! I chuckled as did my mom and Grace! Harriet looked at all of us and laughed. She said, "Well we had better I want them to fit correctly." She laughed and asked Mrs. Meier where they would be doing this. Mrs. Meier said not to worry as she handed me several sizes of the snap style and of the no closure styles. They matched the gowns, diapers, and plastic panties!

While she marched us to another private section, she asked me, "Rachel, have you ever diapered someone before?"

I answered, "Yes, I have every night for the past several years Mrs. Meier. My little sister needs diapers for nighttime."

She smiled and asked how old my little sister was and I told her. She then said, "This is a wee bit harder, Rachel. More diapers to pin and adjust and you will have to roll Harriet from side to side to do it correctly. Don't worry though I will show you how and explain what and why we do it this way."

So I would be getting a lesson in putting on and taking off diapers today as well! Poor Harriet, I knew she was not expecting this! It was a surprising situation for both of us.

Mrs. Meier said, "Rachel, this will be easy because there are no ointments to put on or any messes to clean up. When you do this in real situations, you will be washing and drying first, always! Then you will apply an ointment or two to the area.

"Never use powder on a woman, Rachel, powder causes more infections than any other product. It gets clumpy when wet and sneaks in everywhere. It is very hard to remove it all when you are cleaning her up.

"When you remove the diapers you will have to wash and dry the area fully. That means washing away all of the old ointment as well as any mess okay?"

I said, "Yes, and thank you for telling me."

She smiled and gave my hand a squeeze. Yes, she was holding my hand again! She went on saying, "There are two areas you must pay close attention to when cleaning up any messes or cleaning off the ointment. One is the clitoral covering and the other is the vagina. These two areas are overlooked by many caregivers and cause many unnecessary infections. When you clean these areas especially the clitoris and under the hood, you must be very gentle. I recommend using cotton tipped applicators that have been moistened with baby oil. Use dry ones after that to gently wipe away the excess oil. For the vagina, use your finger wrapped in a soft cleansing cloth with warm soapy water. Make sure you rinse the area well with clean warm water and use a sopping wet cloth. Dry it by patting just the outside never insert a dry cloth inside the vagina, this will hurt and cause irritation. If you don't rinse well it will cause irritation from the soap. Do you understand these steps?"

I said I did and was lost in thought for a little while trying to remember the steps one by one in order. (What was a clitoral hood?) I would have to ask Grace.

We arrived at a large room that had a table in the middle of the room. It was a large changing table made for adults instead of small children. We had passed several other rooms and they had been decorated for smaller children and teens. This one was definitely for adults. Mrs. Meier closed and locked the door and asked Harriet to undress completely just leaving on her bra and to lie on the table with her bottom on the changing pad. She handed me a blanket to cover Harriet when she was on the table. Harriet stepped up using a small step stool next to her and lay back on the table as I covered her with the blanket. She was blushing!

I chuckled and kissed her on the cheek saying thank you in her ear. She patted my arm and whispered I owed her big time. We both chuckled at that and Mrs. Myers had selected diapers and a pair of plastic panties. They were the childish teddy bear ones and all of us chuckled at her choice including Harriet and Mrs. Meier!

Mrs. Myers looked at me and motioned for me to join her at the bottom half of the table. She took one side and told me to stand on the opposite side. She looked at Harriet and said, "Now don't be embarrassed and don't worry dear. I am a retired Registered Nurse and have taught nursing as well for many years." She smiled and looked around getting the surprised looks she was looking for.

I said. “Mrs. Meier, I just knew you were a professional. You have a great skill with explaining things so they are easily understood. I want to thank you for all the extra time and effort you are giving us. I just hope I can be as professional as you one day.”

I must have said something right because she came rushing over to me and gave me a big hug saying, "I know you will Rachel, you have what it takes. It is written in your eyes and touch."

Grace came over, shook her hand and gave her a hug as well saying it was an honor to have her assist us in such a thorough and educational manner.

My mom did the same and Harriet reached down and squeezed her hand saying, "Teach away, master!" We all laughed and Mrs. Meier beaming with pride and acceptance whisked away the blanket covering Harriet.

Mrs. Meier said, "Well, if we are to be teaching here then we don't need that in our way do we?" I noticed Harriet turning red from her toes to her face. I chuckled and then everyone else did as well. Mrs. Meier said to everyone, "If I am to teach here then everyone must trust me and do as I say. Is that alright with all of you?" Before we could answer she added, "If not I will just diaper and panty Harriet and check the fit of the items and we will be done."

We all agreed she could teach and instruct us. She smiled and motioned me back at the side of the table. She asked my mom and Grace if they would be helping care for Harriet as well. Grace then informed Mrs. Meier that she was an RN as well. This time Mrs. Meier was impressed and said, "Grace Brown? You own and run the nursing home in Spring Hills is that right?" (She owned it? Wow, I didn't know that fact!) Grace smiled and said yes.

Mrs. Meier then said to all of us, "We have a credible witness for what I am going to teach you next. She motioned my mom to the very end of the table as Grace from a short distance away stood and watched. I got the lesson of my life then as Mrs. Meier had Harriet pull in her legs to her bottom and then spread her knees wide apart!

Mrs. Meier handed me a pair of gloves as she put on a pair of her own. This done she said, "Now as I said before the two most neglected areas are these." With one hand, she spread the labia and revealed the inner parts of Harriet's pubic region.

She continued, "This is the clitoral hood and underneath is the clitoris. You must be very gentle because this area is very sensitive. As you all know this area can induce much pleasure as well as cause much discomfort." (I didn't then, but I do now!)

Harriet jumped at her touch and Mrs. Meier looked at her and said, "Harriet, you had better pay more attention to this area next time you bathe." Harriet turned red all over and she squirmed a little.

Mrs. Myers then said, "Rachel and Julia, do you see this discolored skin here?" We both looked closer and said yes. She continued, "This must be very gently cleansed away until you see bright pink skin all over and the underside of the hood. This is a must and should never be neglected." She let the clitoral hood fall and I noticed it was tighter than before and slowly covered the slightly larger in sized clitoris. Hmm. I got it now!

Mrs. Meier continued, "This is the urethra and is where the urine flows out from. You must make sure this area is cleansed well. Soapy water can burn when and if it enters here. So only use a very weak solution. Cleanse and rise quickly to prevent discomfort. I have a few products you can use. They are called PERI-WASHES and are very good and do not sting."

We all agreed to get some. I did not want to cause any discomfort to Harriet with soapy water. Mrs. Meier went on, "This is the vaginal opening and is especially in need of thorough cleansing if Harriet or any of your charges has a bowel movement. The feces can work its way inside and must be cleaned away. Infection will occur if it is left soiled. If it is not soiled severely then hand washing will suffice. If it is soiled and feces enters the vagina, a thorough douching is required. Most of the time a single douching will be sufficient; if really soiled or the solution still comes back discolored you will need to repeat the process until the solution comes back clear."

She then separated the folds covering Harriet's inner parts naming them as she did. "This is the labia minora and are also called the inner lips. They are the closest coverings and protect the inner parts from outside contamination or irritations. These must also be thoroughly cleansed and dried. When you are not using any ointments and I highly recommend that you do, you should at least apply a generous covering of baby oil to these areas."

With each slight manipulation from Mrs. Meier fingers, I noticed the inner lips swelling slightly as did the clitoris. I processed this to my memory to remind me to be thorough but quick in cleansing this area. There were many more areas of sensitivity in a woman than boys!

Mrs. Meier continued, "These are the labia majora or outer lips. As you can see, they’re covered with pubic hair. I highly recommend you keep these either shaved or closely cropped. I see Harriet does trim them but not closely enough for proper care and cleanliness for incontinent people. This should be done prior to her operation." She gave Harriet a motherly look and Harriet just nodded still red in the face.

Mrs. Meier let Harriet close her knees and asked her to roll on her side. Harriet let out a sigh of relief just then and did as asked. Mrs. Meier patted Harriet on her bottom and said, "The anal area is easy to clean but make sure all creases are cleansed thoroughly. Look for swelling and hemorrhoids. These areas should be especially paid attention to and cleansed very well. You should apply a hemorrhoid cream to the area to provide relief from any discomfort."

"Ok, now for the diapering lesson. First, you lay them out and layer them as needed. I am doing the daytime thickness first." She laid out two full sized diapers with the girl teddy bears printed on them. "Then you fold another one tri-fold to fit in the center or you can use one of the inserts. I would save the inserts for nighttime use. You then tuck them under Harriet while she is on her side like so, and roll her back so her bottom is centered on them. You roll her a little bit on her opposite side just so you can unroll the still tucked side."

She stepped back a little and let me do that. I did and saw Harriet's bottom was indeed centered on the diapers. Mrs. Meier then said, "You gently spread her legs by pulling gently on the underside of her knees. First one side and then the other like so. You pull the diapers up between her legs snuggly while folding the edges inside."

She showed us how when you pull up the diapers you make sure the edges are folded inwards by using a free hand. "You then pull up first one of the back sides and hold it snug, but not to tight and pin it like so."

She had these larger sized diaper pins and we all chuckled because they had teddy bear plastic tips on them. She showed us how to slip the pin in and through, using our fingers to protect Harriet from getting stuck with the pin. She then told us that the pins had a locking safety measure that worked by pushing down on the plastic pin top until it clicked. That way it could not work itself loose and pose a sticking danger to Harriet. She did the same thing with the other side.

Mrs. Meier then showed us how to put on the snapping style plastic panties. It was the same as putting on the diapers. The pull-on plastic panties were different. First, you had to slide them up her legs as high as you could get, and then roll her from side to side until they were in place. Mrs. Meier said, “When the panties are on make sure the diapers are all tucked inside of them. This way no wetness can leak or wick out onto the bedding and her gown."

"Okay, now for the cover all; you should not have Harriet wearing a bra while she is wearing one of these. They provide enough support and the bra might bunch up causing discomfort." With that said, Mrs. Meier asked me to remove Harriet's bra so I did.

She showed us first how to put on the snap crotch style. You did this by putting it over the head and sliding the arms in and pulling the cover all down by her rolling side to side and snapping the snaps together. The one piece you started from the legs and worked up until you could slide the hands and arms through comfortably. You had to remember to check the plastic panties were still in the right place and the diapers tucked within them. So we learned how to put on and remove the cover alls and we were now done!

Mrs. Meier informed us the size we had used were one size too small so she selected the next larger size for Harriet. She said they would be easier to put on and take off. She got a set of two times larger for nighttime use. She added, "You should always use the snap crotch type for nighttime use just in case." We were glad of that! It was hard with all the tugging and pulling we had had to do!

Harriet let me remove the plastic panties and diapers per Mrs. Meier’s excellent instructions. Harriet got dressed and we headed out to get the remaining items including some peri-wash and softer than soft cleansing cloths that they sold here. That done we all headed for the cashier now pushing two shopping carts.

Mrs. Meier left us for a minute promising to return shortly and help us load our car. We were glad of this because we wanted to thank her properly for all her attention and instruction she had given us. We were checked out and I was dumbfounded at what it had cost!

Mrs. Meier came back to us carrying a fairly large wrapped package and handed it to me saying, "Rachel I would be very happy for you to accept this gift as a welcoming to our field." I took the package thinking this just could not be the bra promised me. I thanked her and we all walked out to the car. My mom and Grace pushing the two now overly stuffed shopping carts.

We all thanked Mrs. Meier and all hugged and kissed her. She was very happy and helped us load the Cadillac's huge trunk. We all climbed into Grace's car and were off back to Harriet's house. It had been over three hours and I needed to call Barbara. I knew she was waiting for my call restless and fidgety! I could just picture her sitting next to the phone very anxiously.

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"Someone's knocking at the door, somebody's ringing the bell, do me a favor, open the door and let 'em in." -- Wings/McCartney

A Life Ever Changing #21

Ringing the Bell

by Angel O’Hare

It had been over three hours and I needed to call Barbara. I knew she was waiting for my call restless and fidgety! I could just picture her sitting next to the phone very anxiously...

Home was just ten minutes away. Lost in thought those few minutes can stretch on for an eternity. I was sitting in the back seat with the present sitting on the seat between my mother and me. Grace was driving and Aunt Harriet looked lost in thought as I glanced at her. All was quiet in the car now.

I guess the full impact of what really took place had settled on everyone. Grace was the only one wearing a smile as if she knew something we had not all realized yet. I looked at my mother and she was deep in thought oblivious to everything else. I decided to put off any deep thinking for the moment and reached for my latest present. I have been getting several of these lately. How many does that make now? Betty's, Lucy's, Grace's, Anna's, My Mom's, Aunt Harriet’s, and now Mrs. Meier's present.

The present was large but not too heavy. It was wrapped in the stores paper and had their logo imprinted on it. Tied with twine and taped on the ends. I untied the twine and carefully loosened the tape and unwrapped the paper. Grace was the only one that took any notice of what I was doing. I had seen her eyes reflecting back at me as I glanced into the rearview mirror. The others? Still lost deep in thought and reflecting on events recently past.

The box itself was one recycled from a supplier. I unfolded the flaps and looked inside. On top was the bra I was promised. I lifted it out and looked at the package still sealed and brand new. "COMFORT BRA" it read. I opened the package and slid out the bra holding it in my hands. It felt very soft and was stretchy, light, airy, and sheer with a flower pattern weaved into the cups. I noticed the back had three hooks with three different rows of them. The shoulder straps were wide and fully padded. I refolded it and slid it back into its package. I laid it aside and looked in the box once again.

I was surprised to find a set of diapers, four of them imprinted with pink, blue, and yellow flowers. I set these aside and peeked at the rearview mirror seeing Grace smiling even bigger! Hmm. I smiled back wondering why I had received a set. I knew I would find out! I already knew what diapers felt like to wear! I guess Mrs. Meier didn't know that though.

I looked in the box once more and found two matching plastic panties but these had four rows of wide lace on the bottom part! One had pink and white lace while the other had yellow and blue. OH GEEZE! Very cute they would be on a baby or child. These though were for an adult! I put these aside as well and looked back into the box.

Now this was nice! It was a stethoscope and not a cheap model either! Colored white, it came with several cloth sleeves you could cover the white tubing changing its color. There was a pink one, a blue one, and a white one with red flowers. Interesting I would have never thought of such a detail as this! I set these aside and looked in once more.

A blue cuff with a heavy metal gauge hooked to it. On the package it red "SPHYGMOMANOMETER" (Ed.--Yes, that is spelled right. :)) and in smaller print it read "BLOOD PRESSURE CUFF WITH GAUGE" Oh, ok! COOL!

I set this aside and found another package with a clear plastic cover. Inside it held several bottles of massage lotions and oils. Hmm. Next to that was another package that held baby oil, a small pair of scissors and a very small electric shaver shaped like hair clippers. In small lettering, it read "PRE-OP PREP KIT" and "PERI-AREA PREP." Ok, I got it now! Secretly hoping I would have a chance at giving AUNTIE a cute little heart shaped design! I chuckled to myself quietly.

On the very bottom of the box, I found a very peculiar package. It was fairly fat and square but long. It read "INTERNAL DOUCHE KIT." It continued describing the contents, which were hard for me to understand so I opened it to see what it looked like. HOLY MOSES! Colored all pink there was a fairly large squeeze bulb that could hold a cup or two of solution. Yes, several packages of powdered douche solution, and what I lifted out next really surprised me!

It looked like a pink penis! Flatter at the tip but, slightly curved and had four holes running in three rows down the sides from the tip about one-quarter the way down. It must have been at least six inches long! I remember seeing what I thought at the time was a hot water bottle hanging from the showerhead at home. It had a long tube with a slim curved nozzle on the end with holes in it. I had thought it to be a deeper penetrating nozzle for enemas! Yes, my little brother as well as my sister and I had received enemas in the past. The nozzle was shorter than this one was and the hole was at the tip. Hmm. I got it now!

But why this model? It looked a lot bigger to me! What was the advantage this particular model had over the one my mother used? I would ask Grace later. I looked up at the rearview mirror and Grace looked like she was going to bust a gut trying not to laugh out loud! She finally broke and let out a series of giggles. Nobody but Grace and I heard a thing. My mother and Harriet were still lost in their own words.

The box was empty now and I quickly put everything back in as we arrived at Harriet's house. Wait! Something just fell out of the small stack of diapers! It was a sealed envelope with Rachel written on it. Hmm.

Grace was laughing out loud now no longer able to contain herself! My mother and Aunt Harriet were looking at her strangely, as they came out of their own little worlds. I must have turned red because Grace just laughed all the harder while pointing at me trying to tell the others why she was laughing so hard.

She reached over, opened the glove compartment, and pressed a button. The trunk lid popped open all by itself! WOW! COOL! You could open the trunk from inside the car! (Ed.--Something that was very rare and very cool in 1969.)

Grace had gotten herself under control and was telling the others why she was laughing. She said, "You should have seen Rachel's expressions as she pulled the items out of the package Mrs. Meier had given her! I wish I could have taken pictures!" She chuckled again and said, "Wait until we get everything inside and I will show you what I mean. I know Rachel has a few questions and we all should help her with providing her with the answers." She started laughing again and I was getting a nervous!

They each grabbed as much as they could which emptied the trunk as I carried the box into the house. Aunt Harriet told us to take everything into the recreation room in the basement.

Her basement had been refinished a few years ago complete with a separate full bathroom and guest room. It had a pool table, stereo, TV, couch, and several chairs it was carpeted, wall to wall. It was like a small apartment without a kitchen. It did have a small refrigerator though and a small wet bar! All this was in just one half of the basement. The other half was a small private beauty shop, which had everything she needed for one client at a time. We placed all the items on the pool table and sat down.

I jumped up and said, "BARBRA! I have to call Barbara!" I ran upstairs and dialed the number. She picked up on the first ring! She sounded like she was crying. I said, "Barbara Honey, don't cry I love you very much and will never leave you. You will have to decide if you want to stay with me. Once I tell you what I have become and what I am doing you might just want to forget you ever met me."

She screamed into the phone deafening me for a few seconds. All I heard her scream at me was, "Rich, you stupid shit!" and then I was deaf!

When I could hear again, I hollered into the phone, "WAIT I CAN'T HEAR! Will you stop screaming?" I guess I had deafened her because the phone went silent for a second or two.

Then I heard her say, "I know everything already! I made my mom tell me. She had to tell me I wouldn't let her NOT TELL ME!"

OH GEEZE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She said, "Rachel, (OH CRAP!) My mother is bringing me to you right NOW! As soon as we hang up, I am leaving and will be there in a little while. I love you and you are not going through this without me! That's it and no arguments!" She hung up. SHE HUNG UP ON ME!

I slowly walked down the stairs back into the basement. I realized my girlfriend was going to be seeing me in about an hour and suddenly I felt pain. I mean I really felt physical pain. All I could mumble to them between spasms of pain was, "Barbara knows, her mother told her and they are on their way over here right now."

Grace looked at me real closely and asked me how I was feeling. I said, "I am very sore and I think I am bleeding." I WAS VERY SORE! I could hardly hide it anymore. It hurt like hell and felt like I was being stuck with a hundred needles at the same time!

Now that I was thinking about it, I was more aware of the pain. I could now feel a throbbing sensation and with each beat of my pulse, a new wave of pain hit me. All three women helped me into the guest bedroom and they started undressing me. I did not resist at all! They took off my skirt, half slip, and panties just leaving the belt and pad on. I sat on the bed and they took off my sneakers and socks.

Grace hurried upstairs as my mom and Harriet had me stand up for a second as they put a towel on the bed and had me sit on that. They then had me lay back and rest my head on the pillow.

I felt a little strange as I realized I was wearing just a blouse and a sanitary belt and pad. The pain was getting so severe I did not care though! Harriet took out my ponytail and I found it much more comfortable. My mom came out of the bathroom with a towel and laid it across my forehead cool and comforting. She stroked my hair softly and gently over and over. I was relaxing as best I could until another throbbing pulse caused more pain to shoot through my most sensitive parts.

Grace came back downstairs with everything that was needed and started wetting the pad with a solution. She told me to always wet a pad with sterile water before removing it. That way the pad would not stick to dried blood, which could tear or at least pull away a layer or two of skin. She said most women would shower or just wet it in the bath but this case was different I had sutures that must remain clean and sterile water should always be used in cases like this. Another lesson learned which I would gladly remember!

Once she wet the pad she waited a little while, unhooked it from the belt, and slowly peeled it away. I WAS BLEEDING! I was glad I had been wearing the belt and pad! What a mess that would have made if I had bled in just my panties and it would have shown through the slip and skirt I was sure.

Grace very gently and with a very soft touch cleaned as much as she could with dampened gauze pads. She told me she had added LIDOCAINE to the solution, which would help deaden the pain. Shortly thereafter it did!

Harriet had me lift my bottom as she slipped a folded rubber sheet and a few more towels under me. Grace used a slim nozzle and douched the area with the same solution and what a relief that was! She used a few cotton tipped applicators that were individually wrapped to dry and clean away any blood that remained inside the sutured folds.

I was glad I was numb already because she laid a covered ice bag on my groin! My mother handed me a glass of water and two pills, which I swallowed. I felt better already and it was nice knowing that I had these women who loved me this much to take care of me.

I noticed I was red and puffy down there! It looked even more like female anatomy and not one suture had given way.

Grace took charge once more and said, "Let's not waste any of this time. Julia would you bring in the box Rachel was given by Mrs. Meier."

My mom went and retrieved the box and brought it into the bedroom and set it on the bed. Grace reached in and took out the envelope, opened it and handed its contents to me.

There was a card and two pieces of writing paper. I looked at the card and it was a $50.00 gift certificate for the store! Wow! It was made out to Mrs. Meier though. I handed it to Grace and asked, "Why is it made out to Mrs. Meier instead of me?"

Grace answered, "Rachel, she wants to be there with you when you use it I suppose."

That made sense so I nodded and started to read the two-page note Mrs. Meier's had written me. I read aloud,

"My Dear Rachel, you have touched me in my heart which I have not felt coming from someone so young in a very long time. You reminded me of myself when I first started in this field so long ago. You are much more beautiful than I was though and your eyes are a window to your heart." (OH PLEASE! I groaned. Beautiful indeed! I really don't think I am beautiful maybe pretty with a lot of help!)

"Your keen interest in learning and your gentle touch and compassion for others were clearly shown to all that was there in attendance. Your Aunt, though embarrassed at times, as we all would have been, showed her utter trust and confidence in you. That by itself is testimony to your utter selflessness and total commitment in providing quality care to others. Rachel, I would like to offer you my services as a teacher and as a good friend you can rely on in your future. I am getting on in years now and my body reminds me of this every second of every day. If I knew that it would be you giving me care when the time comes I would be very happy and content. To that end, please find enclosed a gift certificate, my address and phone number. Please contact me soon."

There was also a post-script, which read, "I also have a complete classroom at my home which I wish to share with you, your mother and Grace would be more than welcome to assist." It was signed, "Sincerely, Mrs. Meier.”

WOW! I looked around at everyone and they were all smiling. My mother was a shining beacon and said, "Rachel, I am so proud of you! Your heart reaches out and touches almost everyone you meet. You see what we are all trying to show you?"

I smiled at her and said, "Mommy," (MOMMY? I haven't called her that since I was 8 years old! Where did that come from?) "I understand but a little right now. More and more becomes revealed to me as time passes, but I have a very long way to go before I really understand what I am to learn from this."

My mother continued, "Rachel, Barbara, and Rita love you very much. I don't think you have to worry about anything but getting back on your feet and experiencing more. Barbara can help you in ways we can’t."

I answered, "Yes, you're right. I have to be realistic and I know that they love me. I just hope Barbara and I can still love each other while I am like this. When she sees me like this and still hugs and kisses me I will know and everything will be alright."

Grace jumped in and asked me chuckling as she did, "Rachel, are you really sure you are only sixteen." We all laughed, the mood lightened and that is when Grace held up my new DOUCHE KIT!

Grace began saying, "Now Rachel, I noticed you had a very questioning look when you took out this package. You even took it out and examined it and still had questions didn't you?"

I answered, "Yes, I have several questions about this douche kit. First, this is different from the one douche kit I have seen. Second, there is no water bottle like an enema bag just a large squeeze bulb. Third, there is no long tubing as I have seen. Fourth, I have only seen two types of nozzles. One, that is obviously for giving an enema, which is relatively short with one opening at the very end for the solution to flow out of. The other longer and slim with a wider tip and it has holes along the sides and none at the tip like the enema nozzle. This one is like an artificial penis the only difference being the very tip is flatter. Why?"

All three ladies looked very surprised at my observations and question! My mother even turned red when I mentioned it looked like a penis. I chuckled and gave them my "WELL?" look.

Grace nonplussed looked at me, held up the solutions first, and read out the label of each packet. One was for a medicinal solution and the others were of different scents. All of them were for cleansing the vaginal canal. (CANAL? Strange description!) Ok, I got it now!

Grace went on, "The bulb as you probably have surmised is for mixing and holding the solution. This is for one complete dose needed for a satisfactory douche. The bulb holds two full cups of the solution selected. The medicinal douche is used for just after your menses, also called your period. It can also be used when directed by your gynecologist for other problems as well. They are often used whenever you want to feel fresh and clean. Most women use these sometime after lovemaking or masturbation." (Wait a second here! Ok, get a grip and take a slow deep breath!)

My mom and Harriet were a little red. I chuckled seeing this and they just shook their heads and chuckled with me. Grace continued as she held up the nozzle, "This nozzle inserts into the bulb like this." (She inserted the bottom part into the bulb until a circular ridge fit into a circular depression in the mouth end of the bulb and was secure.)

"You will notice that there is another circular depression in the bulb further down?" I did notice the second ring. "You notice that the nozzle has a flange at the base here. You use this to push down the nozzle so that it fits into the second ring. You really don't have to see it because you can feel and hear it reach this position. Here, Rachel, you push down on it with your eyes closed and you will be able to understand what I am saying."

With that, she handed it to me and I closed my eyes and did as she instructed. I could feel it fit into position and I could hear it as well. It had made a soft but distinctive plopping sound. I nodded my head and said, "You're right, Grace, I not only felt it, I heard it as well."

Grace continued, "Rachel, the reason for the thickness and length is precisely as you described. It is to resemble an average penis and fit like one in the vagina."

I quickly glanced around at the others and no one was red, smiling, or showing any signs other than an interest in what was being said. I guess I was one of the girls after all! This is what it must be like during one of those mother/daughter talks. I felt better about looking and feeling the way I did then. I guess it was a feeling of acceptance I had not really felt until I met Mrs. Meier.

Grace continued, "The curve you can see in its shape is to help with the irrigation of the vagina. When you twist it using the bulb it opens the vagina creating a spill gap which allows the solution to flow out and also cover the whole area inside the canal." She demonstrated by twisting the bulb while holding her hand loosely over the end of the nozzle. It did just as she said.

She added, "You insert the nozzle like so and you then squeeze out about half of the solution working the nozzle straight forwards and pulling it backwards repeatedly. Then you twist the bulb causing the gap for releasing the solution held in the vaginal canal. You then repeat the process the second time twisting it side to side repeatedly causing the solution to flow out soon after it enters. That is how you use this type of a douche kit. Many women prefer this type of kit. The reasons are obvious, don't you think?"

I answered, "Yes, I do see and the reasons are more obvious to you than they are to me but I understand."

All the ladies chuckled and smiled then. Grace then held up a conventional or an enema bag-type douche kit and said, "Rachel this is the most common household douche kit. It is called a combination enema and douche kit. All you do is change the tubing and nozzle to switch from one to the other. In girls most of them have their hymens still intact."

I looked at her questioningly then, like what is a hymen? She answered my unasked question, "This is very important for you to know Rachel so listen carefully. A hymen is skin tissue that in the vaginal canal of young girls provides a barrier and is located about one quarter to one-half its depth. Most hymens are perforated allowing the blood and fluids to flow out during menses or allow for it to be cleaned by a douching. The majority of the young girls can handle this size nozzle with little to no discomfort. If they were to use this other type, their hymens would rip and they would no longer be considered a virgin. A virgin is a girl or woman with this Hymen still intact. Do you understand?"

I did understand now! Wow, so much to learn! Ok, young girls had if they were still a virgin or did not break it by any other means a hymen. A perforated section of skin located in their vaginal canals. You could still douche, but one had to be more careful if you wished to stay a virgin in the eyes of others. I asked, "Who would really care if the hymen was still intact or not. I mean who would really know besides the girl?"

My mother answered this one for me. She said, "Rachel, on your wedding night when your new husband makes love to you, you will know right away." I got it!

I said, "Ok, I understand, but there must be many girls who for some reason or other no longer have their hymens intact."

Harriet answered this one, "Yes, Rachel, there are many causes when this happens, but if it is not a medical one it is still considered to be taboo."

Grace added, "In today's world it is far less important to remain virginal. Many people will accept a verbal reason and no longer require proof as they did in the past."

What? They required proof? I asked, "You mean to tell me that a young girl was supposed to allow someone to examine her before she got married?"

All three women said, "YES!" OH GEEZE! That must have been horrible!

I looked at Grace and asked, "Which of these kits will I be using on those I care for?"

Grace answered, "Probably both. You see in private duty care you use what the person owns and uses. In most facilities, we use the bag type and I have heard that they will be using the disposable type now that they have come down in price, and are more easily used. When they first came out they were not only very expensive, but they did not work well. We still are questioning the minimal amount of solution they contain as well." Grace asked me, "Do you have any more questions and do you understand what has been taught about douches and such?"

I answered, "Oh, yes, I understand perfectly in the sense of knowing about these things. As for experience though, I only have what enemas feel like to compare. I do have one question about the hymen issue though." All three women looked at me with the expression of "out with it" written on their faces. I asked, "Does it hurt real badly when the hymen is broken?"

They all answered, "YES!"

My mother added, "It really depends on a few things, Honey. How gentle your husband is or how rough he is. You see if he enters you slowly and gently he will stretch it and your hymen will eventually give way. If he takes his time, it can hurt a lot less. Unfortunately, your husband is usually not thinking of you at all at that moment. He thrusts and thrusts urgently and forcefully and that does hurt. The good part is that the pain lessens as time goes on and other feelings can help override the pain after a short while. If not it might take even as much as a week for you to feel no pain when having intercourse. Foreplay makes the experience far more enjoyable and can be as satisfying for you as it is for your husband."

I asked, "Foreplay?"

Aunt Harriet answered, "Rachel, remember when we were removing all your body hair in the shower?" OH! DID I REMEMBER THAT! WOW! They laughed seeing my expression! Harriet then said, "That was like foreplay, really it was unintentional and just happened because we were not thinking about what might happen when we were washing the ointment off of you. If we did and we had wanted you to really enjoy the experience we would have taken much longer and concentrated on more areas. Now that would have been more like good foreplay."

I asked, "Good foreplay?"

They all giggled and Grace said, "Rachel, most men consider foreplay as a good feel and grope session until they achieve a sustained erection and an urgent need for release. They really don't think of you at all. For most men lovemaking is a one-sided affair, THEIRS! It is a very selfish act and not really what you could consider an act of love at all. Most women only achieve their satisfaction through self stimulation."

I was surprised at that! I said, "You mean to tell me that the majority of women are hardly ever if ever satisfied by their husbands?"

All three said, "YES!" OH GEEZE!

That is really horrible! I swore to myself then and there that I would never even enter my lady until after she was satisfied by very good foreplay and then I would be very slow and gentle! Never would I rush or hurt her! What a crappy thing to do!

I said, "Selfish love is not love at all! 'Selfless' love is what love is all about. It is in the giving not in the receiving that one really shows love!"

It was hug-fest time then! All three ladies hugged and kissed me until I had to beg them to stop! They all laughed and Grace asked me, "Rachel, your really only sixteen right?" I wish she would stop asking me that!

Just then, the doorbell rang! OH GOD, am I ready for this?

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"...my old friend, I've come to talk with you again." - Simon and Garfunkel

A Life Ever Changing #22

Hello, Darkness

by Angel

Just then the doorbell rang! OH! NO!...

Everyone sprang into action. Here I am naked from the waist with only an ice bag and an empty sanitary belt as cover! Some cover!

Aunt Harriet went to answer the door as I got up and went into the bathroom closing the door behind me, my pulse pounding and increasing by the second! Grace ran upstairs to get me another sanitary pad and my mother ran to get me a fresh clean pair of panties.

I could hear Barbara asking where I was, and Harriet stalling her, and Rita. I heard a slight tapping on the bathroom door and Grace opened it and came in helping me with the pad. My mom entered a short while later with a pair of light yellow nylon panties another half-slip, my yellow skirt a pair of sheer pantyhose and a pair of white heels! OH GEEZE! She also had my purse with her and after they helped me into everything she touched up my make-up with my lipstick being freshened and my hair brushed out and left loose I was ready to meet Barbara.

I wasn't ready! Physically I was ready but mentally. No! I was not ready for this meeting! But, here I was exiting the bathroom and slowly heading upstairs for a meeting I felt never should happen.

My mother by my side and Grace following behind us closely, I felt they knew the situation was tense at best. I had the feeling they were there for me and if anything went wrong, they would still be there for me. That thought made me feel a little better.

I had pushed this meeting out of my mind losing my anxiousness in the questions and exchanges we had just after the phone call. My relationship with Barbara was about to change forever it would never be the same after this encounter. That is how I saw this meeting as an encounter.

I was about to enter the kitchen and I almost fell. My legs were weak; I was dizzy and felt sick in my stomach. My mom and Grace held me tight and sat me in a chair looking closely in my eyes. Mother grabbed and held my hands squeezing them until I looked at her. (I had to do this! There was no way out of it so just get on with it!)

Mother said, "Honey, can you do this? If not we will work something out."

I answered her, "Mother, I have to do this and do it right." I willed myself to composure and with a now real determination; I stood and walked into the living room. I was Rachel and that is whom Barbara came to meet. Not a boy named Rich, in a dress looking cute and being an imposter! I let myself be who I was now, Rachel. That is when I saw her and she was looking at me.

Barbara wasn't just looking, she was frozen in place and her features showed utter surprise. Her eyes grew larger and wider open, questioning what she was seeing. I smiled and opened my arms to her. This was the moment. This would tell my fate.

She slowly stood and then ran into my arms hugging me, squeezing me tightly crying and smiling all at once! We hugged for what seemed to last an eternity crying and squeezing each other declaring our bond. My mother and Rita broke us apart gently saying, "Let us all sit down."

We did Barbara and me on the couch then Rita, my mother and Grace sat in the chairs. Harriet was making drinks and I hoped she was making one for Barbara and me as well. Barbara said, "Rachel? Yes, it fits you. I knew you would be cute, but look at you! You're beautiful!"

I said to her, "Barb, please! Cute, I can agree with but please don't lie to me. Beautiful I am not! I can do this and I believe I can do this well because this is part of me. I am Rachel and I am Rich. I am both together, what I appear to be on the outside changes nothing of what I am on the inside. I know this, just as I know the sun will rise in the morning.

"I don’t know Rachel well and that is what I am doing now, letting Rachel free to express her-self and to help others by being her. Eventually Rich and Rachel will be one with an equal knowledge of each other. Rich will be what people see. Will that change what I am inside? No. Look into my eyes Barbara and you will see the true me as I see the true you in yours.

"I lack the experiences and I lack the knowing of what life as a female is. I have my limitations that my physical being will cause, but what I can't physically experience as a female I can know and try to understand. If you can accept me as I am now, as Rachel, as a girlfriend and not as a boyfriend you can help me understand. I need your help, Barb! I need you! Rich will return physically soon enough, but until then Rachel is whom you will be seeing."

She grabbed onto me and hugged me, crying hard. After a few minutes, she looked up and into my eyes looking deep within them. She calmed and said, "Rachel, no, Rich, I have to tell you this and I don't want to hurt you, but I have to make you realize what you have been ignoring for a long time. Everyone else knows, but you have always been oblivious to how others perceive you. You just don't care about what they say or think about you. All you have ever cared about was what they thought and how they treated others, never yourself! You have made me so mad sometimes I wanted to smack you!"

Harriet handed each of us a loaded soda pop. MMM! We each had a few sips and Barb continued, "At first the boys at school just thought you were a geek and a loner. Most of the girls liked you and still do because of the way you talk to them and treat them like I don't know how to say this." She was worried and frustrated. It showed in her face and body language.

Mrs. Nelson butted in and helped her by saying, "You treat them as equals, and whenever you are with them you are just like they are. You are one of them."

Barb smiled at her mother in thanks and continued, "That's it! You were and are one of us in your actions, speech, and even mannerisms. Rich, haven't you ever stopped just once and looked at yourself? Haven't you ever just once realized your actions and mannerisms when you were with just us girls? No, you never have! Well, stop and think right now! I don't swallow that bull about how you are the same no matter how you are dressed! I don't believe you really believe it yourself! Just look at yourself!"

She looked at the others and said, "Its time to tell him the truth and stop pussy footing around!"

WOW! What a change in the atmosphere! It went from Barb shouting at me to pure silence! Everyone except Barb had a frozen expression of shock and that "OH SHIT" look. You know the one, don't you? That look they get when an adult is forced to act and do something they had not planned on by a younger person.

Barb said, "MOTHER!"

Rita then said, "Julia, I think we should take Rachel and Barb upstairs to Rachel's room and then say what we have to say straight out." Grace sort of snuck away and I noticed she went into Harriet's office/library.

Harriet said, "Ok kids, let's go upstairs and talk this all out."

Barb took my hand and looking me in the eyes said, "Rich, I love you and I can't stand to see you so blind to yourself. You are so aware of others needs and wants, but for yourself? Nothing, not a thought, no awareness at all! This is way too important for you to ignore yourself!" With that said, she dragged me up the stairs and into my room, making me sit in front of my vanity mirror.

Rita, my mother and Harriet followed us quickly into my room and shut the door. Harriet standing up rested her back against the door and then I really knew some heavy stuff was going to be laid on me!

(What I did not know at the time was that Grace was calling Dr. Purnell at that very same moment.)

Barb began with saying, "Rich look at yourself, what do you see?"

I did look and I looked very carefully and fully. I looked and tried to figure out what she wanted me to see. What I saw was a face made feminine with make-up and lipstick. I looked deeper than that beyond the make-up and saw a feminine face! Yes, if what one would call a caring and gentle look feminine.

I tried to picture the boys and men I have known, their faces, and how their eyes looked. Yes, they were different from mine! Their look was harder and less caring. They had a self-centered look, a different kind of awareness that was more of a challenge than a sharing or giving. Was I that different?

I tried to picture the girls and women I have known. I remembered the ones I liked had a genuine interest in others that showed in their faces and eyes. They were more open and sharing with each other. There was no challenge or hardness to their look.

Was I that different? My look? It was like a very young boy called Ricky. That's it! That's what they were trying to tell me by calling me that! The innocence and trust only a very young boy has! The bonding with his mother that is quickly lost, as he gets older!

Peers and parents help shape the differences more than any other source! Big boys don't do that! Big boys no longer help their mothers or sisters with household duties! They mow the lawn and empty the garbage. They don't do dishes or help cook and clean. They don't do laundry especially the girl's things! Heaven's no!

They don't change diapers or feed and bathe the little ones! They shovel the walk and driveway when buried in winter snow. They rake the leaves, paint the house and do the heavier tasks like changing a flat tire or help move furniture and heavy boxes. Big boys don't sit to pee! Heck no, they pee all over the seat and floor! Much easier to pee standing up, just unzip and spray away! Mom or sis will clean it up! Big boys sure don't!

Hmm. How about the families without any boys? Does that mean none of the boy's chores get done? No, it doesn't! Is there a double standard here? Yes, I believe there is! What do I see? Am I really that different?

Lost, I was lost, deep, looking into my own eyes, everything around me forgotten, as I went deeper and deeper within myself, searching and searching.

Why was it so easy for me to talk with the girls and share my self with them? Why was it so much easier for me to be at ease and to automatically adapt with them? Did I really change so quickly when I was with the girls? My voice, did it really change? The way I gestured with my hands, did I really just flow into the feminine language of body and mind? Did I really sit, walk, stand, and express myself differently while I was with them? Did I giggle right along with them?

What is it that's so different? What am I? Why can't I adapt like that with the boys? What sets me apart from them so drastically that I fit in only when I have something to offer? The boys? They seek me out to help design a fort or clubhouse in the trees. Then? I am forgotten once more. They seek me out when they need help and their friends have ignored them. Then? I am forgotten once more. Why?

I think I know! I can't hang out with them! I don't have time for sports! I don't have time to pal around! Is that what being a boy is all about? Is male-bonding so different than female-bonding? Yes, it is! Much different! The bonding a very young boy has is mostly a female bonding! As they grow older, they are driven apart by their very gender!

That close emotional bond is quickly lost as they are taught to be what? What are boys taught, as they grow older? What is it exactly that drives them away from their emotional caring side? What emotions are they taught to foster? Which emotions are they taught to hide and mask? Most importantly, why?

The truth is, I DON'T KNOW! I have never known! The truth is, I was not brought up as a boy at all! I was dressed as a boy and told I was a boy. I was given a boy's name and I have a penis! Is that what makes the difference? A penis?

Look here, young person, you were born with a penis so you have to grow up to be, what? Who decides what a human being with a penis should be? How they should act? How they should look? The differences come with age, puberty and beyond! Testosterone flows in the penis bearers and emotions rage and ebb.

How about the human being bearers of a vagina, Hymen, and clitoris? Puberty begins, estrogen flows, and emotions rage and ebb. The secondary physical characteristics begin to form and develop!

The penis bearers develop muscles and deeper voices hair grows on their faces and bodies. The vagina hymen and clitoris bearers grow hair as well. Breasts, hips, and bottoms develop. The voices do not change all that much and little hair grows on the face and chest.

Hmm. What am I? Must I make a choice? Can't I be me? Am I one without a place in human life? What is different about me? I have no Adam's apple so my voice did not drop. I have no facial or chest hair. I have the beginnings of breasts, larger and more sensitive nipples. My bottom has developed but my hips have not. I am tall but my waist is narrow. My legs are long and muscled yet smooth and trim, as are my arms. My hands are strong yet smooth with tapered fingers.

What am I? Do I belong? Is there a place for a penis bearer like me? Can I be myself and exist happily in this world? Once, I am no longer needed at home, what then? Will time change me into something else? Do I need physical intervention like drug therapy or operations to become an acceptable human being? To be a pretty, teenage girl what has been done? To be a teenage boy what needs to be done? What am I? Am I that different?

I am lost, lost deep within myself. What is myself? Is there a real me? Am I something that changes by my surroundings like a chameleon? Is there a, me, myself and I? I am lost within. My eyes have grabbed and held me fast, I have traveled deep and far within only to find what? No answers to my quest?

Barbara has sent me to look at my self. A mission that is too general and vague for any true answers. How can one find oneself when it truly does not exist? One mind with two bodies, neither whole nor complete in their identity. What am I? Who am I? I am lost. I am lost. I am lost.

I do not exist. I have no place. Yes! There is a place, here within! I am safe! My body can wither and die and what is left will be my soul! That is who and what I am! A soul trapped in a world and a body, which has no place for an identity! No place in the world for a non-person! A world that exists in dualities rejects my duality! I am not a single person! I am two persons, in one, one, which cannot survive without the other! I am home now, safe within my duality! Here I can exist, out there I do not exist! Here I will stay!

What? What is that? I hear a faint sound so far away outside somewhere. What? What is that? A feeling outside stinging and sharp! What? What? Sleep, I am so tired. I feel adrift in space. It is getting darker. Where is the light I seek? I had seen it only moments ago! Darker, darker, blackness and sleep...

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"I feel the earth move under my feet, I feel the sky..." -- Carole King

Tumbling Down

What? What is that? I hear a faint sound so far away outside somewhere. What? What is that? A feeling outside stinging and sharp! What? What? Sleep, I am so tired. I feel adrift in space. It is getting darker. Where is the light I seek? I had seen it only moments ago! Darker, darker, blackness and sleep...

Deep, deep, sleep, dreamless and dark, no comfort, nor nightmare; just deep, deep, sleep, mindless and numb, all sensations blocked. How long was I in this Limbo? No answers came to my awakening mind. Slowly awareness came to me.

First, I felt with my body keeping my eyes as they were, closed as if in sleep. I was lying on a bed, my head upon a pillow. I was not wearing my clothes I was sure of that. Covered by a sheet I felt it touching my shoulders, arms, waist, and legs. I felt nothing touching my chest! What? Oh, I must still have the breast forms attached, glued on and secure.

I heard a sound, breathing slow and rhythmic next to me. I concentrated harder and located the sound next to the bed on my right. Who ever it was, is sleeping, the rhythm of breath was soothing to hear, peaceful, a sound of restfulness and life. Another sound, a soft ticking added its beat and rhythm to my awareness.

I concentrated even harder and heard muffled voices far off somewhere. Harder and harder I concentrated! I put all my energies in listening and feeling my eyes closed helping me concentrate. I heard weeping and consoling sounds, not words, but the sounds. I felt distress and comforting energies coming from outside where ever I was.

Where am I? Oh, I must be in where it happened! Yes, the mirror, and my eyes! I must get back there! I MUST! I was at peace, lost within my eyes and looking through the mirror. Nothing could touch me or hurt me there. But, wait, I was touched and I was hurt. No my eyes and the mirror were a temporary respite at best. What must I do? Oh, LORD! What are you asking of me now? You answered my prayer and I was plunged into a new world, a new life, a new existence! Is that it a new life and existence? Must I forget who I was, who I am? How can I forget something I wasn't? I don't know who I am or even who I was! Is that what you are telling me? Ok LORD! I will do as you ask. For it is written, to love the Lord with your whole mind, body and soul will bring you peace and everlasting life.

HAH! So much is written and misinterpreted! Is that not why we have thousands of religions and divisions of religions, from the ridiculous Fundamentalists to the idiotic Universalisms! Who is qualified to interpret our Lord's Word? To say to us that this is what our Lord meant when we read this or that from the Bible! Which Bible does one use, which version? No, I will stick to prayer and trust what feels right.

I opened my eyes slowly little by little until I could see clearly enough. Barbara, spread out uncomfortably in a chair asleep. A bedside lamps soft glow lit up just enough of the room for me to see her clearly. Long lines of dried tears traced paths down her cheeks and chin. She looked so beautiful sleeping with her chest rising and falling in a steady peaceful rhythm. Her head moving slightly lifted by her chin, resting on her chest with each breath she took. It was decided by a sudden urge to pee that I finally rose from the bed. Quietly, slowly, and softly I slid out of bed and silently made my way to the bathroom. The door to my bedroom was ajar and the hall light slightly brighter than the bedside light showed me the way was clear. I opened the door just enough to slip through and thankfully no noise caused by my opening it.

The sounds were clearer now as I stood in the hallway for but a second or two listening. Voices and crying mingled with the sounds and smells of someone cooking. I walked the rest of the way and realized I was naked. Just a sanitary belt and pad is all I had on. Reality came flooding back as I sat to pee. No pain this time, just a pressure and relief as my bladder began to empty. THE NOISE IT MADE; deafening in the quietness of the upstairs; WHOOSH and SPLASH, relief and wetness, I remembered then the lessons from Mrs. Meier. The anatomy of a female made peeing a very wet affair! I used more tissue and remembered I had to do a cleansing. OH GEEZE!

I looked around and yes, there it was, the kit I needed, and the supplies were where? I looked in the under sink cabinet and that is where I found the sterile water and other items I needed. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid! Why did I flush the toilet? I heard running footfalls coming up the stairs. I heard Barb, She was hollering, "Rachel! Rachel isn't here!" OH GEEZE and double CRAP!

In a nanosecond Grace, My mom, Harriet and Dr. Purnell were looking at me intently as I stood there with just a sanitary belt with its now two straps swinging emptily without a pad to secure them! I was just starting to prepare to cleanse myself! GEEZE! Barb came in just a second later panic written all over her face. Dr. Purnell took over right then! She removed the items one by one handing some to each of the others. I just stood there expressionless looking at her.

She unsnapped the sanitary belt and removed that from me as well. She looked at Barbara and said, "Please bring her to the bedroom" as Dr. Purnell left with the others. It was then I noticed that Dr. Purnell had her bag with her. She had set it on the sink counter top, which I had not noticed when she first came in.

I just stood there naked and motionless, expressionless as Barbara looked at me from head to toe. I studied her then, I watched very closely for any sign, any sign at all that might give me a clue as to what was left, if anything of our relationship. Silent tears fell from her eyes, tracing the already marked path of many previous tears shed earlier.

Were these tears for me? Or, were these tears for something lost which would never be found again? I read guilt and sorrow in her face and eyes. She took my hands in hers very gently like I was made of fragile glass, patiently leading me back to the bedroom.

I just kept looking at her, trying to find a clue any clue as to where we stood in our relationship. What a fool I am! What relationship! Look at me! My sex hidden well for all appearances a penis never existed there at all! I was a teenage girl! No boy in evidence, nothing male remained to be seen. ALL FEMALE!

We were entering the bedroom now and I saw a change in Barbara. Relief and hope written on her face and features now. I only looked at Barbara I could not and did not want to see anything else right then. All of my awareness and concentration was on her. She let go of my hands and backed away from me.

Someone hugged me and I saw it was my mother. I looked at her and she was a mess! I had never seen her look like this before! She was a living painting of agony and pain. Inner turmoil and distress etched deeply in her face and eyes.

I started to cry, I caused her this pain and agony! I caused all of this! I looked up at everyone; one by one, I looked at them and their faces. I looked in their eyes and felt responsible for their agony and pain. Wait! Grace and Dr. Purnell showed no guilt, no agony, or pain! They were impatient and knew something the others did not. What?

What did they know that the others failed to see or recognize? They looked confident, sure of what was to come, and what had to be done. I wondered what was next. I reacted then. I put my arms around my mother and squeezed gently, lovingly hoping she would forgive me for failing so miserably.

She looked up at me and smiled. Her sobs quieted and the tears turned from sorrowful ones to happy ones. I could tell by the smile on her face and the twinkling in her eyes. Barbara jumped in the air punching at nothing with her fists hollering out, "YES!" (What? Yes? What?) She was happy and excited, about what?

Harriet said, "I have to call your house Julia, and tell Rita." What? Oh, Rita wasn't here. The little ones! I had forgotten all about Terry and Jerry! How the hell could I have done that! They are my life! What is going on with me?

I started to laugh then. I mean really laugh, I laughed so hard I started to really cry and cry hard. Grace came over and my mom let go of me. Grace pulled me to the bed and sat me down. Dr. Purnell came over and slapped me hard across my face! OUCH! That hurt!

There was a stunned silence in the room. Grace said, "That's much better, Rachel, lie down now and just relax." Grace was forever telling me to relax! I did as she said and everybody let out a huge very audible sigh. Most of the tension just vanished as if everyone was waiting for some kind of response from me and I had given them what they had hoped.

I lay on the bed and smiled. I liked the feeling in the room even though my left cheek stung like hell! Dr. Purnell can hit! I decided to take things as they came then. Not trying to answer any questions because I knew I would disappear within again if I tried.

Grace told me to lift my bottom a little and tucked a rubber pad under me adding a few diapers. She said, "Ok, Marjorie, she's ready for you."

Dr. Purnell thanked her, she pulled a chair over next to the bed, and I noticed her hands were gloved. She examined me thoroughly and expertly touching and probing, squeezing and rubbing. She then irrigated, cleansed and dried the area. She took a tube of something and changed her gloves.

Grace squeezed a generous amount onto her fingertips and gently Marjorie massaged this all over the area and then to my surprise inside as well! She didn't stop! She kept moving a finger inside the folds in a circular motion. Oooooooohhhhh, Aaaaaaahhhhhh, uuuuuuuunnnnnnngggggghhhhhh, OH LORDY!

I started to move my hips and I tried to straighten my legs but Grace grabbed them at the ankles and held them fast. I heard her ask Barbara to hold one of my ankles tightly and to hold my foot flat against the bed. OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH!

Marjorie just kept at it moving her finger back and forth then around and around. I tried to lift my bottom off of the bed, but she held me down by pressing on my pubic bone with her other hand! OH MY GOD!

I reached out and tried to grab her hand and my mother grabbed my wrists and held them tight against her breasts. OH LORDY! OH MY! "PLEASE STOP"

I yelled and begged, but Dr. Purnell kept at it and not soon enough I reached the point of release. I spasmed, and spasmed again! I felt something hot, wet, and thick shoot out and spread from within!

Still she did not stop! The sensations were overwhelming! My sensitivity there was intense to say the least; I spasmed again and again until I just let out a huge breath and slumped back onto the bed.

Dr. Purnell said, "No erection and no bleeding. Tomorrow we remove the sutures holding the testicles in. There is no longer a need for them. The scrotum reacted as expected it tightened sufficiently and the testes remained inside the canal. No hernia and no pain."

Grace was writing this down and Dr. Purnell changed her gloves again, irrigated the area, and did the cleansing and drying as well. OH MY GOODNESS!

I looked at Barbara and she was giggling with my mother! Harriet was standing in the doorway and said, "WOW, Marjorie, now I know why you get the big bucks!" Marjorie laughed and then they all were laughing!

The heavy tension, sorrow, pain, and anguish had dissipated to a more hopeful level.

I was still stunned but feeling real good! I could feel my nipples under the breast forms tingling. Covered in sweat and I was exhausted. I felt puffy down there, but everything was ok and not hurting anymore. I could feel my scrotum, no wait, my labia now, relaxing a little. Hot, it felt very hot and still twitched a little. Did she say no erection? What? How come? How can you have a climax like that and have no erection? Impossible I thought, but it happened!

Dr. Purnell then asked everybody but Grace to leave the room so she could have a little chat with me. My mom said, "Our late night snack could be cold by now." I wondered what they had made.

Grace was holding a baby doll nightgown, sheer white with matching panties with a wide section of lace at the leg and waist openings. She helped me put it on and it felt nice. The panties felt good too but the lace edgings on the legs tickled a little. She then helped me put on the matching robe and had me sit in the comfortable stuffed chair.

They each took a seat on the bed and Dr. Purnell asked me to call her Marjorie from now on. I said I would and thanked her for all her help. She chuckled as did Grace. It was then she turned very serious and said, "Rachel, you have to stop withdrawing inside of yourself. No answers are going to come to you from that place you disappear too. All you are doing is running away from reality and any hope of getting the answers you seek. You are much to smart for that and you know I am right."

I nodded and said, "It was a very safe place for me to go at the time."

She said, "No, it wasn't! It is a very dangerous place for you to go! When you withdraw like that, it is a sign of great weakness and some people never make it back. You are a very strong person, Rachel, and you know better. Don't ever lie to yourself again! Face things; seek help and answers to your problems and questions from people you trust."

I nodded again and said, "Thank you, Marjorie, I know what you are saying you believe to be true, but it is a very hard thing for me to seek answers to questions I don't know how to put into words."

She smiled and patted me on my leg. Grace said, "Rachel, you are surrounded by people who love you and care for you deeply. You have to trust us more than you are and you have to trust us enough to ask us anything. We know many of the questions you have to ask, so when you don't know how to ask or what to say, just give us a hint or as much as you can and we will take it from there ok?"

I said ok and Marjorie then continued talking to me by asking, "What did you think of what just happened a little earlier." My face must have answered her question because they both smiled and chuckled knowingly.

This opened me to ask questions of the physical world and human realities. There was one thing I also knew. Marjorie believed that going within was something wrong to do. I knew better. I had not told anyone about all the times I have been going within and what one gets back from going there. You can go too far, as I had done, but when one goes there seeking with a singular purpose, more times than not one gets a reason for that purpose. The why, if one is ready, is always given to one, the place within is too powerful for one to just travel to without a purpose. When one goes there as I had done with much, too much on the mind you will easily get lost!

There are one-hundred levels of known conscious states before death occurs. Ask any Anesthesiologist! Who knows how many more will be discovered as time marches on. That is one-hundred known roads to get lost! Only forty levels are well known. It is like deep diving in an unexplored sea. Go too far too fast and you miss many wondrous things. You must dive with a purpose and a singular goal, but remain open to the unexpected for it always comes. The unexpected is a revelation of something you usually asked yet were not yet ready to really understand the answer. The time finally comes when you are ready, but you have forgotten the question asked so long ago.

REVELATION is what happens when you go within, but you must remain open to what you hear! You will suddenly find you understand something you experienced long ago. You always get something given to you! Sometimes you are looking or asking about something else and miss it at the time. Later, it comes to you in a revelation of some kind. No, going within is not bad to do. The bad part is going within when you should not, as I had done. I used it as an excuse to get lost and withdraw! That road leads to madness of the human mind and body to all those who are outside looking at you. But, inside is a different story! If you so choose you can of your own free will go within and remain. But, if you choose to do this, you will surely be lost to the physical world. That is unless someone intervenes.

I was ready now to pose my question so I said to Marjorie, "While describing your examination to Grace and the others you mentioned no erection. I know from my own experiences that whenever I achieved release through masturbation I always had an erection. How could I reach this same point without one?"

Marjorie looked at me as if I surprised her. Her expression was one that someone shows when asked a question they did not expect. She took a moment and said, "Rachel, in the shot I gave you it had a mixture of drugs in it. One of them prevents an erection from taking place by slowing the flow of blood to the penis. When a penis swells and hardens to an erect state, it is engorged with more blood flowing in than flowing out. Preventing an erection does not stop the sensations or the ability to reach a climatic state. An orgasm in a male takes longer and is much stronger when stimulated in this particular way. The male can even have quick multiple orgasms as you did. A female's clitoris acts in the same way. The clitoris engorges with blood but the difference is that the whole area of the clitoris has many, many nerve endings. That is why when stimulated the clitoris itself will emerge from under the protective hood. Leaving the clitoris free to feel all the stimulation it can receive. The exposed area of your penis now acts the same way Rachel. Only the tip will receive stimulation and the shaft remains untouched so your sensations increase."

Wow, what an answer, I said, "Marjorie, what you are saying is you have made a clitoris out of my penis?"

She answered, "A temporary one, Rachel, and it is still not as sensitive as an actual clitoris. To do that we would have to do microsurgery and you would never be able to go back to being a male. There is nowhere in the United States at this time that does this procedure legally. In addition, it would cost many thousands of dollars. No, those who have had this surgery do so overseas. Rachel, why did you ask that question?"

I answered, "Well, the sensations were many times more intense than I have ever felt before. Of course, I have never actually had intercourse with anyone, but I still don't think I would have felt the intensity as strong as that if I had. I have another question for you both."

Grace snapped to a more aware position and looked straight at me when I said that. I asked them, "Why have all of you decided to have me become a teenaged girl? What was the reason or reasoning's all of you came up with that helped you decide this course of treatment for me?"

Marjorie told Grace to answer first so she said, "Rachel, your mother and Harriet came to me with a problem and that problem was with you. They told me many things about you that at first I just couldn't believe; no boy I have ever met at any age lived their life and had made decisions as you have. First you decided very early on that you did not like being with boys. To you they were immature, selfish, and much too violent. They just did not care about things as you did. Secondly, you always seemed to make friends easily with the mothers first and then their daughters through them. Thirdly, when you were with a group of your peers they were always girls. Shall I go on?"

I said, "Yes! Please I need to know!"

She continued, "Rachel, when you were with the girls you also took on their mannerisms, speech patterns, and inflections. You giggled instead of laughed and the topics you discussed were hardly one would call interesting to any other boy. I have a nurse I hired that you used to do work for and she even recommended you to me before Harriet gave me a call about you. She was one of the reasons I decided to meet with your mother and her about you. That was the second time I had heard your name mentioned and I was very curious about you myself. Do you remember a Mrs. Russell and her daughter Brenda?"

OH GEEZE! Did I remember! I had pushed that memory way back into the deepest recesses of my mind! I nodded and my face must have shown something like alarm because Grace then said, "Why are you upset? It was your decision, according to Mrs. Russell you were a fantastic help, and she only had praises for you. Her daughter works for me now and she only had great things to say about you as well! You helped them both and especially Brenda. I have only heard their side of several stories so I want to ask you Rachel for you versions?"

I said, "You will have to give me a few minutes to remember it all and correctly. I have purposely shut away those episodes and I want to remember them correctly ok?" She nodded and Marjorie looked like she was on the edge of her seat in anticipation of what I was going to reveal.

I started to hum a song, I was trying to remember, the song was key to my memories with the Russell's. You see Mrs. Russell was in charge of the girl's choir at her church. Her daughter Brenda was also in that choir. (I won't tell you the denomination of their religion, needless to say the girl's choir is a huge part of their services.)

Oh, yes! I remember the first one now! The song that started it all, I started to sing, the song is "HERE I AM." It was a beautiful song and the chorus is really written for girls to sing. The notes had a range that flowed like an ocean tide. I remember the first incident with the Russell's very well now. I finished singing and looked at Grace and Marjorie they both were looking at me with surprise written all over their faces.

I said, "What?" I thought something might be wrong.

Marjorie said, "That was beautiful! I have never heard you sing before, your range is amazing and you can hold a note longer than any soloist I have ever heard at my church or any other I have been to."

Grace added, "I have heard you sing just once and when you saw us you stopped. I asked you to not stop but you acted as if you didn't hear me and did not continue. I had no idea! You sing beautifully. Why aren't you in a choir now?"

I answered, "Because of my experiences with the Russell’s. If I were to sing people might just put two and two together and know who I really was."

Marjorie said, "Ok, enough of this I have to hear what you did with the Russell's!"

Memories, here I begin to relate what happened to me at a younger age. Memories we bury deep inside of us will pop into our heads in vivid detail when something happens to reawaken them. The door to those all-important events that I had locked away for years suddenly open and a new awareness seeps into us.
Angel

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"I have heard you calling in the night." — Hymn
"Be my everlasting. Be my hearts desire." - Chris Cullum
"...playing with those memories again,
And just when I thought time had set me free" - Air Supply
"Like a little voice inside my heart" - No Secrets
"...have you ever felt a memory pulling at your insides?" - One Dollar Short
"I only wanted all that's best for you" - No Authority
"And my pride was stronger when I was younger" - Patty Loveless
"Let’s listen to the voice deep within..." - Akilles
"There's nowhere else on Earth I'd rather be" - Bryan Adams
"You wanna find my soul" - Ashes
"...I can't see tomorrow" - Larry Rushton & Jeremy Cash

A Life Ever Changing #24

Here I Am

by Angel O’Hare

I thought about where to begin with the Russell’s and decided I would start from when I was hired by Mrs. Russell. I looked at Grace and Marjorie and began…

It was the beginning of September and the season was still summer and hot; the nights were cooler but the days still heated up quickly. I had just turned ten and my mother had bought me a new bike for my birthday. It was way cool! I called it Black Beauty after the horse in the movie. Shiny black and chrome with a light and five speeds. It had saddlebags mounted over the rear wheel to carry things. I was riding by the Russell's house when she called to me. I rode over to her and she asked me if I was free to take on a job that would probably last until Thanksgiving. That was great timing because I had just lost a job when Mrs. Rogers daughter dropped out of college and came back home to live. She offered me more than I had ever gotten before so I agreed right away.

She asked me, "Ricky, why don't you come in for a few minutes and I will go over what I want you to do ok?"

I said, "Of course Mrs. Russell that will help me a lot. I need to tell my mother about this and she likes to know as much as possible. She will want to call you or you can call her first if you like."

Mrs. Russell said, "You have your mommy call me anytime she wants to and I will be glad to go over anything I have planned for you with her before you begin ok?"

I said, "Ok, and I know she will be happy to talk with you." (All adults like to meet and talk with other mothers!)

She brought me inside her home and it was spacious but cluttered with furniture and tons of pictures everywhere! There were a lot of pictures taken of groups. Mrs. Russell was in all of them and about twelve young girls as well. Each had a little label with the year on it and it had the name of the church and "Girl's Choir."

There were five of these pictures and Mrs. Russell noticed me looking at them and said, "Ricky, those are all pictures of my girl's choir's. I am the leader and singing coach and have been for almost six years now. We have won three state titles the last three years running. I also give singing lessons out of my home and that is why I need your help."

I said, "Wow, Mrs. Russell that is great! You must be a very good singing teacher and leader!" (I was very impressed!)

She gave me a big smile and a hug telling me, "You are such a dear sweet child and I know we will work well together. Now let me show you around and inform you of a few rules ok?" I said, "Ok. Mrs. Russell I know I will enjoy working for you." She smiled again shaking her head and saying, "You are just so sweet, and your manners are wonderful for a boy your age." I thanked her and smiled.

Mrs. Russell was about to tell me something when a young girl a little older than me came running into the house yelling, "MOMMY, MOMMY!"

Mrs. Russell turned around and said, "What is it, Princess?" The girl stopped in her tracks when she saw me and just stared at me. Mrs. Russell told her it was impolite to stare at people and introduced us. She said, "Ricky this is my daughter Brenda. Princess, this is Ricky and he will be helping me around the house and yard if his mommy gives her ok. That will free you up so you can practice singing with me and the other students. Brenda smiled big when she heard that and held out her hand to me.

I shook her hand and told her I was very glad to meet her. I then said, "My mother will agree I know so how can I be of help?"

Brenda just kept staring at me! Her mother took my hand, led me into the kitchen, told me to have a seat, and asked me if I was thirsty. I was and she poured me a glass of orange kool-aid. Brenda came in and sat at the table as well so her mother poured her a cup while looking at her a little funny. That look adults have when a kid does something they do not expect.

Brenda asked me, "Is that your bike outside?"

I said, "Yes, it is my mother just gave it for me last week for my birthday present." Both her and Mrs. Russell wished me a happy birthday and asked me how old I was. I told them ten and said, "I have wanted that bike for two years now and my mother always told me I was just a little boy and that it was a big boy's bike."

Brenda had a surprised look on her face and said, "Oh, I thought you were a tomboy. You do housework?" I was surprised and a little hurt. It reminded me of a previous experience I had and what other adults thought of me.

I turned red and Mrs. Russell jumped in and said, "Ricky, I have heard from others you have worked for that you are very talented in the yard and in the home. That is why I hired you. So don't get embarrassed you are a very special boy and the people around here speak of you very highly. Why, old Mrs. Crowley even told me you changed her great niece's wet and messy diapers when her arthritis was so bad she couldn't move her fingers. You prepared the formula fed her and then without even being told burped her as well! I was so surprised to hear that I must say."

Brenda's eyes got huge and she said, "You know about babies?"

I said, "Yes, I do. I take care of my baby brother sometimes. My mother works and the babysitter has to leave before she gets home sometimes. So, my mother taught me all about it. I also know how to cook, clean, and do laundry. I can iron and sew a few simple things like missing buttons and stuff. I do yard work and have my own lawn mower I rebuilt myself."

Brenda said, "Holy cow Ricky, you are something!"

I turned red again and Mrs. Russell laughed. Mrs. Russell then said, "Princess, why don't you go and practice your piano lesson ok?"

Brenda looked a little disappointed she couldn't hang around but she got up and said, "Ok mommy nice to meet you Ricky and maybe you can practice with me sometime."

I said, "Nice to meet you Brenda but I don't know how to play the piano all I do is sing a little."

Brenda looked surprised and then smiling looked at her mother and said, "Mommy, maybe you can teach Ricky how to sing the right way?"

Mrs. Russell looked a little surprised and said, "Ricky, can you sing pretty well?"

I answered, "My mother and my teacher at school think I do. I don't think I can sing as well as the girls in your choir do though."

Mrs. Russell said, "We will see Ricky, sometime when we have a little free time I would like you to sing for me ok?"

I said, "Ok Mrs. Russell if you want me to, I really like to sing but only at home most of the time." She asked me why I only liked to sing at home and I said, "All the kids make fun of me and call me names so I don't sing at school when I don't have to and never outside."

I must have looked sad because Mrs. Russell came over to me and gave me a hug and said, "Ricky, a good singing voice is a gift from God and you should not let what the kids call you stop you from doing something you enjoy."

I said, "But Mrs. Russell it isn't worth it. If I don't sing they leave me alone most of the time but when I do they start all over again and it lasts a long time. None of the boys like me and they call me nasty names just because I like to sing, but they all say I sound like a girl and look like one, too. They call me a sissy and a momma's boy. They say other things too and sometimes beat me up." I felt real bad then remembering how all the boys treated me and started to cry. (What a wimp huh?)

Mrs. Russell hugged me some more and Brenda ran over to me and hugged me too. Mrs. Russell said, "You poor sweet child. You don't worry about that anymore. While you are working for me, nobody is going to be picking on you. You make sure you have your mommy call me tonight ok?"

I said ok and Brenda came back with some tissue and dried my eyes. She was very nice to me and I thanked her and apologized for crying. She said, "Why? You don't ever have to apologize for crying Ricky. It helps a lot to cry and it means you are sensitive and caring." She hugged me and told me we were going to be the best of friends and she was sure her friends would like me to.

Mrs. Russell smiled at her and said, "Princess, I love you more every day." She hugged her and kissed her on the forehead. Then she told her to go and practice her piano.

I looked at Marjorie and Grace and said, "That is when I started to meet a lot of girls and started having friends. Before that, I did not have any. I had a couple of boys that would come around if they needed something or some help but they were not real friends, just a bunch of mothers, and a few fathers, those that I had worked for. Other than that, the older ladies that had no one left at home. They liked me a lot. Ok, back to the Russell’s."

Mrs. Russell hugged me again and said, "Ok Ricky let us go over a few rules and then I will tell you what I am asking you to do for me. The biggest rule of all is to mind what I say at all times. If I ask you to do something, you do it. I will not tolerate bad behavior at any time. So, the second rule is to always behave and mind your manners. The last rule is on cleanliness and I am very strict on that as you can tell by my person, home, and my daughter. To that end, you will arrive here each day clean and you will bring a change of clothes with you so you will return home clean as well. Is that clear?"

I thought this to be rather much, but I said, "Yes, Mrs. Russell, it is very clear. I will come here clean and leave wearing clean clothes."

Mrs. Russell said, "No, Ricky, you will bathe first, put on your clean clothes and then you can leave here. Is that clearer now?"

I said, "Yes, Mrs. Russell."

She smiled and said, "Ok let me show you the house and yard and I will tell you what we will be doing." That she did! She even showed me the walk up attic it was filled with boxes, crates, and wardrobes. I knew I would be doing a lot of work up there by the way she was talking about it. I found out that if I was to be doing yard work and it rained my duties would change to things done inside the house. So, I would always have something to do no matter what the weather was like.

Just before I left, Mrs. Russell's daughter Brenda came out and gave me a hug saying, "Ricky, I know we will become good friends and I really want to hear you sing. Don't you worry about the girls studying here they won't pick on you at all ok?"

I thanked her and told her I thought we would be good friends too. I peddled back home and started dinner hoping my mom would be home on time tonight. She was! I told her about the Job at Mrs. Russell's and gave her the number to call and she did. They talked a long time and I could hear my mom laughing and saw her smiling a lot.

I knew I could have the job, but I was wondering why they talked so long. My mother hated gossiping so I knew they were talking about something besides regular "chit-chat." My mom hung up the phone, looked at me with a serious look on her face, and asked me to sit with her. I sat and she said, "Ricky I have agreed to sign you up for singing lessons with Mrs. Russell. The lessons will be given when you have time either after work or when ever Mrs. Russell decides ok?"

I said, "But Mommy! I have to be home to make dinner, take care of Jerry, and do the other stuff around here. How can I stay after work and do my stuff here to?"

My mother chuckled and gave me a hug saying, "Honey, you are always thinking, aren't you? It just so happens that Mrs. Russell and I talked about that very same thing." She chuckled again and continued, "One of her neighbors who I will see tomorrow lives by herself and Mrs. Russell assured me she would love to watch Jerry so your problems are solved ok? If you and Jerry are not here then the house won't need as much tending. Monday, Wednesday and Friday you will work for Mrs. Russell. When school starts you will work for a little while after school and on Saturday's ok?"

I said ok and realized I would have little time of my own. But, I was getting paid well and Mrs. Russell seemed very nice and so did Brenda.

My mom then informed me about something that I had forgotten to mention to her. She said, "Mrs. Russell wants you to bring a complete clean set of clothes everyday you are to be working for her. That includes your toothbrush ok?"

I said ok and thought at least I won't end up in a dress like before if I have clean clothes with me! I felt a lot better about bathing and changing over at the Russell's. My mom then said, "I will put a nice set of clothes for you to wear in a paper bag for you every day you are working. You will have to remember your toothbrush yourself ok?" I said ok once more and she smiled and hugged me saying how proud she was of me and how grown up I acted.

My first day of work was today! I was excited and before giving my mother a hug and a kiss goodbye she pointed to a bag next to the front door. She reminded me not to forget my clean set of clothes and that is where I would find it if she ever had to leave before I got up. I thanked her and gave the automatic hug and kiss goodbye.

I waited for the babysitter and she arrived a few minutes later. Mrs. Saternis. She looked old all right but she looked healthy and strong. She wore a gray dress and had her hair pinned up in a bun. She really liked Jerry and after only a few minutes, Jerry liked her to!

I took the bag, put my toothbrush inside it, and got my bike. I had to tie it on the handlebars because the saddlebags were dirty inside from all the junk and tools I had kept in them. It was a ten-minute bike ride to the Russell's house but it was mostly flat roads and was an easy go. Especially with my five speed bike!

I arrived at the Russell's early so I parked my bike and was going to wait until it was time outside on the front porch, but Mrs. Russell must have been looking out for me and opened the front door just as I reached the porch. She asked me inside but told me to be quiet because Brenda was still sleeping.

I asked her where I should put my clean set of clothes and she smiled real big as if she had expected me to have forgotten them. GEEZE! We went into the kitchen and she told me I was to dust today. She wanted everything dusted and then all the furniture polished. She showed me where everything I would need was and then pulled out this stupid looking cap and an apron.

I must have had a nasty look on my face because she said, "Ricky, dusting and polishing is a very dirty job and I have a few other things for you to do afterwards and you wont be able to do them if you are covered in dust and polish. This cap keeps the dust out of your hair and the apron keeps the dust and polish off of your clothes. I also have a pair of gloves you will wear while polishing is that clear!"

I sighed and said yes. She smiled and said, "I will go to the store and get you a plain colored cap for next time ok?" I smiled relieved because this one had flowers sewn onto it everywhere!

The apron was white but frilly with yellow and blue lace on the front pockets and all around the edges. The ties were made of white lace! YUCK! I hoped she would buy me my own apron as well. If not I would! Maybe I will buy one anyway to use at home. My clothes always did get polish on them!

Mrs. Russell put the cap on my head and it even tied on! Then she helped me with the apron and tied it in back. I was surprised because it wrapped all the way around me and covered my legs to just above my ankles. I would have to remember not to wear shorts in the future! The neck strap tied as well and she made sure that the bib part went up to just below my neck. YUCK, I knew I looked weird.

I started the dusting, the bookshelves and shelves of knick-knacks were the worst. It was getting very hot in this get up by the time I was done downstairs. Sweat was getting in my eyes and it stung.

I could hear Mrs. Russell giving some poor kid singing lessons. I say poor kid because she sounded pretty bad to me. I wondered if she was part of the girls' choir but I doubted it.

I headed up the stairs and was going to go into Mrs. Russell's study when Brenda came out of her room heading for the bathroom. I turned my back to her right away because she was only wearing a pair of panties. She must have noticed my motion because she stopped and stared for a second and then said, "Oh Ricky!" And she hurried back into her room as I was apologizing to her.

I went to the study and started dusting hoping I wouldn't get into any trouble over this. I would have to remember to ask Mrs. Russell if it was ok to go upstairs in the future when Brenda was still in bed.

I was about half way done with the study when I heard a clicking and a ratcheting sound. It was Brenda and she was holding a Box Camera! OH NO! She said, "Ricky you look so cute in my cap and apron I had to have a picture of you."

I said, "Please, Brenda, if anybody sees that picture I'm dead around here and I won't be able to work here anymore."

She said, "Oh Ricky, I'm not going to show it to anybody that would make fun of you and besides you owe me this picture."

I said, "How do I owe you a picture of me dressed like this?"

She said, "Because you saw me only in my panties and you saw my boobies to. How do I know you won't go blab that around?"

I said right away, "Brenda, I would never do that! I turned my back as soon as I saw you were undressed."

She smiled and came over to me and gave me a hug and a kiss on my cheek saying, "I knew I could trust you Ricky, but let's not let my mommy know you saw me like that ok?"

I agreed knowing that would be the best thing to do. I was still real worried about that picture though. Brenda kept me company while I finished dusting the study so I asked her about the girl that was trying to sing with her mother.

She said, "Oh, you mean Tracy. She really does have a wonderful voice but she was hit in the throat with a baseball while watching her brother play in a little league game. A boy hit a foul ball, it was a hard hit going real fast, and before she could do anything, it hit her right in the throat. She was in the hospital for over a week!"

I felt bad about what I had thought of her singing earlier. I should have known Mrs. Russell wouldn't take on a student who couldn't sing, she was too good of a teacher. I finished with the study and since I did not have to do the bathroom or bedrooms, I headed back down stairs. I just had made it to the landing when the music room door opened and a girl who had tears in her eyes and Mrs. Russell came out.

I felt bad for Tracy and went over to her and said, "Don't worry your singing voice will come back it might take a little while but soon you will be back in the choir."

I realized then I might have made a mistake because she was looking at me with the "Who are you?" look.

I looked at Mrs. Russell and she had a big smile on her face and said, "Tracy this is Ricky who I hired to help me around the house and do some gardening for me so I could spend this extra time with you."

Tracy gave me a big smile, hugged me, and kissed me saying, "Oh thank you Ricky, I am so glad Mrs. Russell hired you because I can get my voice back sooner now. Thank you for saying those nice things to me. I was feeling down after today's lesson. I sounded horrible."

I said, "It's ok Tracy I know how bad it feels when you loose your singing voice. When I had pneumonia I couldn't sing for several months after I was better."

Tracy then said, "Ricky you are sweet and thoughtful. If you sing well you might want to try out for the choir."

I was surprised she had said that because it was an all girl choir! So, I said to her, "I couldn't do that Tracy, the choir is for girls only."

She looked at me real surprised and said, "But Ricky, you are a girl!"

I turned red as a beet and said, "No Tracy I’m a boy. It must be this apron and cap I am wearing." I laughed to cover up my embarrassment.

Mrs. Russell just kept on smiling, but she was looking at me very closely. Tracy looked at Mrs. Russell with a questioning look. She didn't believe me! Mrs. Russell asked Tracy why she thought I was a girl. I can't believe this! I wanted Mrs. Russell to just tell her I was a boy and instead she asked this stupid question! GEEZE!

Tracy said, "She's too cute to be a boy and she doesn't have an Adams apple and all boys have those and girls don't. Why does she say she's a boy?"

I was getting very upset! I couldn't believe what I was hearing! I wanted to say something but Mrs. Russell came to my rescue FINALLY! She said to Tracy, "Ricky is a boy Tracy, he is cute, and he doesn't have an Adams apple as you have noticed, but he is still a boy."

Tracy just said "WOW! Ricky I am sorry but really with you dressed like that and well you look just like a pretty girl. Will you forgive me?"

What could I say to that? I said, "It's ok Tracy when I am not dressed like this you will see that I am a boy." Tracy didn't say anything, she just gave me one of those I wonder looks! OH GEEZE!

Mrs. Russell was all smiles and she said to me, "Ricky, Tracy was our soloist in the choir. The reason she needs these extra lessons is that we are all hoping she can get her voice back in time for the choir competition this year. I'm afraid without her we don't stand a chance of even qualifying past the initial round."

Tracy looked troubled then and she had a tear in her eye so I hugged her and said, "Don't worry Tracy you will get it back in time I am sure." She hugged me back, kissed me on the cheek again, and said I was sweet.

Mrs. Russell asked me if I had finished dusting and I said I had. She looked at me and said, "Ok why don't you take a break before you start polishing. I want to hear you sing for me now ok?"

I said, "Ok Mrs. Russell, this cap is making me sweat a lot and it is very hot in this cap and apron."

She looked at Tracy and said, "We finished up very early today Tracy when is your mother picking you up?"

Tracy answered, "Not for at least another half hour. She was going school clothes shopping with my brother so she might even be later."

Mrs. Russell asked us both if we wanted something to drink and we both said yes. She led us into the kitchen and Brenda was there. She had just finished eating a bowl of cereal and was drinking some juice when we came in. She saw Tracy and ran to her giving her a hug and kiss, Tracy did the same and whispered something into Brenda's ear. They both looked at me and smiled. GEEZE!

Mrs. Russell took the cap off my head and I was glad. She told me to go wash up and I headed for the bathroom. I could hear them all talking as I left there; giggling was the last thing I heard as I went upstairs to wash up and comb my hair. It was at the end of summer and I had not had my school haircut yet so my hair was just over my ears and just a tad long in the back, but it didn't look anything like a girl's haircut.

I washed up and looked at myself in the mirror, OH GEEZE! This apron looked like a dress on me! I knew why Tracy had thought what she did now. Now that I didn't have that cap on my head I was sure she would see I was a boy! I wish I could take this apron off but I would have to ask Mrs. Russell to untie it for me I couldn't reach it well enough to get it untied myself. For some reason when I pulled on the ends it didn't loosen. I was still very hot wearing my shorts under the apron it was trapping the heat, I could feel my underwear sticking to me, and they felt very damp. Yuck!

I went back downstairs and the three of them were still together. I had some nice cold juice and when I had finished Mrs. Russell asked me if I was ready and I said I was. Brenda and Tracy each took one of my hands and walked with me into the music room.

Tracy said, "Ricky I love your hair like that. It looks like a pixie cut."

WHAT? Oh no!

Brenda added, "All you need is different sneakers."

OH GEEZE!

The music room was a large room and it was an oddly shaped sort of a triangle but with a squared end instead of a point. The piano was a beauty, a Steinway! All black and very shiny the keys even gleamed; the ivory was a perfect match for the ebony keys. The two girls gave me a hug and each kissed a cheek. I blushed as they went to sit down and listen.

Mrs. Russell chuckled and asked me if I knew how to sing the scales. I told her I didn't and she told me to just try and match the note she was playing with my voice. I said ok and we began.

I was still uncomfortable and fidgeted a lot because of the dampness of my shorts and underwear when Mrs. Russell stopped and asked me what was wrong. I just couldn't concentrate on singing I was so uncomfortable. I told her quietly so the girls couldn't hear me. So I thought! Girls can hear through six-foot thick walls!

Mrs. Russell lifted up the apron and felt my shorts! How embarrassing! I turned red as a beat again! She said, "Oh you poor dear those shorts are soaked through with sweat. You must be very uncomfortable." I said, "Yes, and I can't concentrate on singing the notes I'm sorry, Mrs. Russell."

She smiled and said, "Don't worry Ricky we will fix you right up and you will feel a lot cooler. Don't forget you have to polish the furniture yet and a few other tasks I want you to do for me today." She looked at Brenda and asked her, "Princess, do you think you could get that package of new underwear I bought the other day?"

Brenda smiled real big and said, "Sure mommy they are still in the bag and unopened."

Mrs. Russell took my hand and led me upstairs to the bathroom. She said, "Ricky just slip your shorts and underwear off don't worry the apron covers you completely and I will turn my back ok?"

I said, "Can't you just take the apron off me" She chuckled and said, "Ricky you have a lot more work to do yet and need the apron. All you have left to wear is your clean set of clothes and you will need them to go home in and I am sure you don't want to get your one clean pair of underwear all sweaty and wet as well do you?"

I had to agree with her and did as she asked. It felt real strange standing there knowing I was naked under the apron. At least it was heavy enough so you couldn't see through it. Mrs. Russell handed me a cool damp washcloth and told me to wipe myself off real well. She turned her back for me as I did that and I rinsed the washcloth out in the sink. She handed me a little towel and told me to dry myself real good and I did. She then handed me some tissues she had sprinkled some powder on it and told me to pat myself with it all over my bottom and front. I did that. It did feel good.

Brenda and Tracy came back with even bigger smiles on their faces as Brenda handed her mom the package. OH GEEZE! They were girl's underwear and they had flowers on them! OH GEEZE!

Mrs. Russell looked at me and smiled saying, "You and Brenda look about the same size so these should fit you well." She asked me, "Ricky, what color would you like? There is yellow, blue, and pink."

So now, I had to be the one to choose which pair of girl's underwear I was to wear! GEEZE! I chose the blue pair, blue standing for boys! She handed me the pair of blue flowered ones and I waited until they all turned their backs to me and slipped them on. Hmm, they fit and felt different from my usual underwear. They were tighter and much smoother, even cooler.

Mrs. Russell said, "Those should feel much cooler Ricky they are made of nylon and are much lighter than these." She was holding up my pair of underwear! GEEZE! She asked Brenda to put my shorts and undies in the washing machine. Of course, Tracy went with her.

Mrs. Russell took my hand and we went back to the music room. While we were walking there, she said, "Now Ricky, please don't be embarrassed about this. The girls will never tell anyone and you must admit you must be a lot more comfortable aren't you?"

I said, "Mrs. Russell, you sure they won't tell anybody? I would die if they did. I could never show myself anywhere around here. But I must admit I am a lot more comfortable now."

Mrs. Russell assured me that Tracy and Brenda would never tell anyone. She even promised to talk to them to make sure they didn't even tell their closest friends. I felt a little better knowing that. It felt very strange wearing only a t-shirt, apron and a pair of girl's blue flowered nylon underwear. But, I was physically comfortable and we began the scales again.

Tracy and Brenda came in quietly and sat down listening and watching me. Mrs. Russell started on a low key that I could not sing, but shortly she reached one I could sing well and I did. Up and up the notes went and I tried to match them which I thought I did pretty well. I did what Mrs. Russell said was the standard scales and we took a little break.

Tracy and Brenda were just staring at me with their mouths open. This made me a little nervous and I thought I might have messed up. Mrs. Russell explained the next thing she wanted me to do. She said, "Ricky, now I want you to listen carefully while I play two notes and then you should match the first note and smoothly move up the scale until you reach the second note I play. I want you to hold the second note as long as you comfortably can without straining ok?" I said I would try and we began again.

Mrs. Russell started by playing two notes not so far apart from each other. She waited until I was done with the second note and played the next pair of notes. After about five pairs of notes, she called a break. That was way cool I thought. I love to sing but, I never did this scale or the sing and hold the second note thing. All three of them were just looking at me with these dumb grins on their faces.

Tracy and Brenda came over and Brenda said, "Wow Ricky, you can really sing well."

Tracy said, "Your transition is really smooth and you can really hold a note a long time, longer than I ever could!"

Mrs. Russell said, "Now girls, don't be making Ricky nervous we have the higher ranges to go yet and we shall see how well that goes."

I thanked Brenda and Tracy and after a little drink of ice water, we began again. I was a little worried I wouldn't have enough time to finish polishing plus do those other tasks Mrs. Russell had wanted me to do today, but she was the one who asked me to sing so I guess it would be ok.

This time it was a little harder. The ranges were far apart and ended with higher notes. I did the notes well but I couldn't hold the higher notes as long because of the scale differences. They were pretty far apart.

The last one I did was the toughest of all! Mrs. Russell started with the lowest key I could sing and then hit the highest key I could sing. I could only hold the high note for about 15 seconds. I guess we were done then because Mrs. Russell did not play any more notes on the piano. She just sat there looking at me with a funny expression on her face and a big smile.

I asked, "Mrs. Russell are we through now?"

She shook her head a little, stood up reached, and gave me a big strong hug. She said, "My dear sweet beautiful child you have a voice like an angel sent from Heaven!" I blushed real red then and that's when I saw Brenda and Tracy just standing up and staring at me again with their mouths hanging wide open. Mrs. Russell looked where I was and noticed them just standing and staring and said, "What did you think girls? Was I right, a voice of an angel sent from Heaven?"

They both snapped out of whatever place they were stuck at and smiled real big and came running over and practically knocked me down as they jumped me giving me hugs and kisses on my cheeks. I was very red then! I blushed from my head to my toes! Tracy said, "Oh Ricky, you sing as beautiful as you look!"

OH GEEZE!

She continued, "I have never been able to sing that wide of a range or hold the notes so long! How do you do that?"

I said, "I don't really know, I just always liked the sound of a long note. It always gives me the shivers and I like the way that feels. My mother does too. She says she gets goose bumps when ever I do that." I chuckled and they giggled.

Brenda said, "Ricky, you sure did give me the goose bumps! I never felt that way listening to someone else sing before and I agree with Tracy. You sing as beautifully as you look."

OH GEEZE, I said, "Would you please stop saying I look beautiful! I'm a boy and I really don't think I am beautiful either. I saw my self in the mirror upstairs and I am a long way from being beautiful! Boys aren't beautiful!" I was a little mad, but not angry. Mostly, I was embarrassed by what they said and I knew I was red all over from blushing.

The girls just stood there with surprised looks on their faces. Mrs. Russell said, "Ricky, don't be so stubborn with the girls. I strongly agree with them. You can't see yourself when you are singing. You send out a feeling, you have a glow about you like pure joy, and you do look beautiful when you look like that. Yes, Ricky, when singing you are very beautiful and you make people listening to you actually feel that beauty as well. I got goose bumps listening to you sing!" GEEZE!

I looked up at the clock and noticed we had been going at it for over three hours. Just then, I heard a voice from the doorway it said, "You can't tell me that this is a boy, not with that voice and that face! Just look at her she is still glowing from that wonderful performance, and to think it was only the advanced scales! I can't wait to hear her sing a real song! Cindy (Mrs. Russell's first name.) Who is she?"

I was even redder than I was before if you can believe that! What is it with these people! I AM A BOY DARN IT! I did not say it out loud of course. That just seems to get them even more convinced of just the opposite of what I want to hear.

Mrs. Russell was smiling like the cat that caught the canary! She said, "Why, hello, Greta, how long have you been standing there?"

Greta said, "Oh just long enough to hear the most difficult part of the advanced scales sung to perfection and the notes held longer than I have ever heard in my life by a child, that's all!"

Tracy ran over to Greta saying, "Mommy, mommy! Did you hear? Did you get goose bumps like we did?"

Greta scooped up Tracy in her arms hugged and kissed her and said, "Yes Pumpkin I did, and now Cindy, introduce me to this lovely girl will you already?"

Mrs. Russell still beaming said, "Greta this girl is really is a boy and his name is Ricky. I hired him to help around the house so I could spend more time with Tracy to help her get that wonderful voice of hers back in working order in time for the competition. I also could spend more time with Brenda, but now I think my original plans have changed."

WHAT? What does she mean her plans have changed! I need this job and my mother could really use the extra money! I hope she doesn't take my job away!

Greta let Tracy down and said, "Brenda, what do you think about Ricky?" Oh no, Not again! Brenda went over to Greta and gave her a big hug and a kiss.

There was something familiar about this lady. That's it! She was in the pictures with Mrs. Russell. Who is she? It sounded like she knew about singing that was for sure.

Brenda said, "Oh Mrs. Dell, Just like my mommy says, he's an angel with a voice that comes straight from Heaven. Don't you think he is beautiful? We know he is but Ricky doesn't! I wish I had taken a picture like I did this morning."

OH GEEZE! Now she did it! Brenda got a guilty look on her face and now there was no escape for us. Sure enough, both Greta and Mrs. Russell said at the same time, "What picture?"

Brenda told them about the whole incident of me walking up the stairs and catching her dressed only in her panties. She did quickly add that I turned my back right away and apologized. She then said, "After I got dressed I looked in my mommy's study and there she was. Oh, I mean he was. He looked so cute in my cap and apron I had to get a picture of him that way so I went back to my room and got my camera. I waited in the doorway until he was in the position I wanted and took his picture. He looked so pretty because he was humming a song and he sort of looked like he does now, but not as much."

I was going to remain a blushing red color for the rest of my life! Maybe if I took the apron off, I could prove it. No wait! Bad idea, they would first see those blue-flowered girl's undies! GEEZE my goose was cooked for sure! I will never get out of this one! I wish I could change right this instant. Yes! That's it. I looked at Mrs. Russell and said, "Mrs. Russell I really should start the polishing now or I will never get done in time."

Mrs. Russell answered, "You just forget about the polishing for today, Ricky, I want you to sing a song for me in a few minutes when we are all calm and Greta can evaluate your singing better. You see she has what they call an ear for music. She has perfect pitch recognition. She knows how each note should sound just by listening." Oh GEEZE!

Brenda then said, "Mommy, can we have something to eat and drink. I'm hungry and thirsty we have been here all through lunch time."

Mrs. Russell said, "Sure Princess, but I want to make a phone call first ok?"

Brenda was not satisfied with that answer because she said, "Ricky knows how to make lunch, can he make us all something while you are on the phone?"

Well, Greta and Tracy were surprised at that and Mrs. Russell asked me, "Ricky, would you mind making us some lunch?"

I said, "No, not at all I am working for you and getting paid." Mrs. Russell and everybody else thought this was funny because they all laughed.

Well, there went my opportunity to change so I went into the kitchen and started poking around to see where everything was and what was in the fridge. I kicked everybody out of the kitchen and they actually listened to me! I liked that a lot!

I found some great stuff and made open-faced sandwiches of ham, cheese, and tomato. All you have to do is take one slice of bread and butter it on the underside. You place this on a cookie sheet and then the ham, cover the ham with a slice of cheese, and broil it until it melts the cheese and the ham gets just a little crisp on the edges. You add the tomato after they are cooked and presto! All you have to do is add mayonnaise or salad dressing. It's really quick to, only takes about ten minutes from start to finish.

I called everybody letting them know lunch was served. I had put on a pot of coffee and water to boil for some tea. The coffee was ready so the percolator top showed me. The teakettle whistled and everything was now done. I dished out the open-faced sandwiches and asked everyone what they would like to drink. Well, actually all I offered them was coffee, tea, or milk. Juice or soda pop did not go well with this type of lunch. Brenda, Tracy, and I had tea while Greta asked for coffee and told me that Mrs. Russell would have coffee as well.

Mrs. Russell came back from calling whom-ever it was and asked me to say grace. OH GEEZE! I said the standard "Bless us, oh Lord, and these thy gifts..." prayer and we all dug in. Everyone loved the lunch and Mrs. Russell asked me how I made it so quickly. I told her how to make open-faced sandwiches. She was happy. We all finished eating and after I poured another cup of coffee for both Mrs. Dell and Mrs. Russell, I kicked them all out of the kitchen again. Tracy and Brenda wrecked my streak by insisting on helping me with the clean up and dishes. It was more enjoyable than doing it alone not to mention much quicker. I still felt funny walking around in just an apron, sneakers, and girl's undies though!

We heard the doorbell ring and then a couple of minutes later it rang again! We had just finished the clean up and dishes so Tracy and Brenda went out to see who it could be. I sure didn't want to go out their dressed like this! I could sure hear them though! Mrs. Russell called my name but I did not want to go out there, as you can imagine.

When I did not make an appearance, she came into the kitchen to fetch me. I told her why I did not go out when she called so she wouldn't be mad. She gave me a hug and smiled saying, "Ricky, they already know how you are dressed so let's go out there and you can sing. This time with the choir ok?" OH NO! GEEZE! I went with her, I really had no choice she was holding my hand real tight and leading me out. There were now ten more young girls and four more women. I think they were some of the mothers of the girls, but I wasn't sure.

Mrs. Russell made the introductions I really don't think she told them I was a boy because most of the women told me how pretty I was and how cute I looked. OH GEEZE! I knew better than to correct them because they probably wouldn't believe me anyway. Especially the way I was dressed!

I was nervous but that was when Brenda and Tracy came and saved me from all those women. I ended up in the middle of twelve girls! All of them hugging and kissing, giggling and then just looking at me. Brenda made the introductions I won't name all the girls now, but let me tell you it was very awkward at first. All of them were in the hug and kiss mode because that's what each one did as I was introduced to them. This is, hug, kiss and this is, hug, kiss, and so it went ten times!

Mrs. Russell let out a loud whistle and everybody got quiet real fast. She told us all to go into the music room and form up. What? Greta and Tracy came over to me and each took hold of one of my hands. They led me into the music room and I saw that the women were all seated. Some had cameras! OH NO!

One lady had a tape recording machine they call a reel-to-reel recorder. That is because one reel held all the recording tape and the other reel was used to reel it in as it recorded. No cassettes back then folks, not even eight tracks were invented yet! (Ed. Angel is almost wrong on this, cassettes had just been invented but were very expensive and unreliable. I know because I had one. :) --Erin)

Mrs. Russell was sitting at the piano and Greta showed me some sheet music. Mrs. Russell started playing so all the girls could warm up their singing voices and get it all together. Greta asked me if I understood sheet music and I said I did. My teacher at school, well actually, several of them had taught me to read music, and what each symbol meant.

I saw the name of the song and I was happy because I knew it well. I loved that song! Wonderful use of voices and the tonal ranges of the soloist part I really liked. There were several parts you had to carry a note for a minimum of fifteen seconds, even longer would make it even better. It was a very difficult song to learn. It was a goose bump raiser for sure!

The song? "Here I Am!" There are several versions but this one is written for a choir and a soloist. I even forgot how I was dressed I was so excited I could sing it with a choir. I just wondered what position I was supposed to take and who the lucky soloist was going to be.

Then I remembered Tracy and I saw her sitting next to Mrs. Russell on the piano bench. Oh, I got it now! OH GEEZE! I decided even though I had just sung the scales for three hours I would like to warm up a little as well.

I handed the sheet music back to Greta and joined the choir in warming up. GEEZE! Why did they stop? I didn't even realize they did stop for a little while, I just noticed I was the only one accompanying Mrs. Russell. I stopped and everybody was starring at me. Oh, boy was I nervous then!

I saw Brenda and she was telling some of the girls, "I told you so." I looked at the women and they were just staring at me as well!

Greta came over to me, held my hand, and set me right in the middle in front of the choir. OH, BOY WAS I NERVOUS! She hugged me and whispered in my ear, "Ricky just sing the song, and sing it like you would if nobody was here ok?"

I looked at her and said, "I will try Mrs. Dell." She hugged me, kissed me on the forehead, and went to take her seat. It was now or never. Thankfully, the choir began singing first a full chorus and then a small lead in to accompany the beginning for the soloist then I would be on my own with the choir just singing the chorus. The music started, the choir began to sing, and they sounded beautiful! I got into it and forgot everything and everybody else.

I just was going to sing to my Lord because that is what I usually always did. It flowed, it ebbed, and it soared! I felt wonderful and free! I let my feelings flow with each note and in the end; I was strong enough to hold the last note for a long time. Mrs. Dell told me later on I had held it for twenty-four seconds!

The song ended and it was utterly silent. Not a sound, not a peep, not a whisper could I hear, all at once I heard the recorder's motor and a lot of clicking and ratcheting. Some flashes of light and then I was mobbed by a bunch of screaming girls!

I fell to the floor and the rest jumped on top of me! GEEZE! I was trying to hold on to my apron with all my strength. It was up around my waist and I know a lot of people saw the undies I was wearing! GEEZE, I was doomed now!

Then I saw Brenda, Tracy and their mothers pulling girls off of me and telling them to settle down. The other mothers joined in then and before I could fully pull the apron down Greta grabbed my hands and lifted me up.

Thankfully, the apron fell over the undies quickly. I knew it was too late though. Everybody got a good look at those blue flowered nylon undies and I bet the bulge in front as well! I was so embarrassed! Yes, I would blush from head to toe eternally! I looked around and everybody was happy and very excited. It looked like nobody cared about my undies and small bulge in front. Hmm.

Mrs. Russell did her whistle thing and everybody got real quiet. She looked at Greta and nodded. Greta held me close and walked me to the piano. She turned and we both were facing everybody in the music room. Two of the ladies kept snapping pictures one after the other as fast as they could wind their cameras to the next shot. Greta whispered to me that I was wonderful and a little louder she said right into my ear, "PLEASE SMILE NOW!" So I did, it had sounded beautiful and I did feel wonderful when I just thought of the song and the singing. So I really smiled then.

You could feel the excitement and energy in the room. Brenda said, "I got goose bumps all over me!" The other girls all said the same thing and the women did too. I knew I had them as well and I still tingled all over. I was happy they were happy.

Greta raised her hands and called for quiet. We all heard a deep male voice just then and everyone turned to where it had came from. It said, "A beautiful angel has arrived in Spring Hills in the form of a little girl." OH GEEZE!

He walked in and apologized for being a bit sneaky but he had heard a rumor and had to see if it was true for himself. He walked over to me and asked, "What is your name, little angel? And where did you get such a beautiful and strong voice?"

I said, "My name is Ricky but I am no angel and God has given me this voice. It is a gift and a curse all rolled into one"

I heard a lot of people there gasp when I said that and the man asked me, "Why do you call it a curse young lady?"

Greta squeezed my shoulders giving me much needed support just then and I said, "Because I am not a young lady, Sir. I am a boy." I heard many of the women there laugh at that. I saw the girls looking at me. Staring is more like it though.

Greta said, "Pastor Kit, it is true. I didn't believe it either but Cindy told me he indeed is a boy." GEEZE!

Everybody was staring at me now looking at me real closely. One lady even tried to stick her hand under my apron! I held my hands down there real close and tight against me grabbing a handful of apron so she couldn't lift it up. She wanted to!

Pastor Kit then said, "Where is your mother, Ricky?"

I told him, "She is working now, sir, but she should be home real soon." I looked around and nobody there believed that I was a boy.

Even Greta looked like she still had her doubts. GEEZE! I could hear comments like, "NO WAY IS SHE A BOY" and "I saw she was wearing flowered panties and no boy would ever wear those" and "Look what she is wearing, you can't tell me a boy would dress like that."

I started to cry then Brenda, Tracy, Mrs. Russell and Mrs. Dell were suddenly all right next to me and hugged me real tight and kept telling me over and over that, "Everything was going to be alright." I was maneuvered through and out of the room and upstairs. I could still hear arguing going on in the music room. I was so shaken I could not move by myself. Mrs. Russell called my house and luckily, my mother was home from work.

--^^--

I looked at Marjorie and Grace they had tears in their eyes and I said, "Now I know what my mother meant by what she had said earlier. She said I knew more than I would admit and she knows more as well. I have locked most of this memory far away and deep inside of my mind. There are others I know, but this one is very important that I get it back and remember isn't it?"

Marjorie just nodded and Grace gave me a hug and a kiss and said, "Go on Rachel, get it all out and remember it. This is very important. It is the beginning really isn't it?"

Now it was my turn to just nod. I looked at them and continued...

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"You must be an Angel, I can see it in your eyes...Oh, you're an Angel in disguise." -- Madonna/Steve Bray

A Life Ever Changing #25

Angel in Disguise

by Angel O'Hare

I looked at them and continued...

I found myself in Mrs. Russell's bedroom and they had me lay on the bed. Mrs. Russell said, "Brenda. You and Tracy go into the kitchen and get Ricky some juice and bring a separate glass filled with ice ok?"

The two girls answered, "OK," and off they went.

Greta sat on the bed and was stroking my head over and over very softly, speaking in a soft very calm voice she said, "Its ok Ricky, this has been hard for all of us but you must admit to one thing and that is you have a very special gift. Your singing voice is of a very rare quality for anyone be it a boy or a girl. In a few years this voice of yours will disappear and no one will ever hear it again." She looked sad after saying that and a look at Mrs. Russell confirmed that she was sad as well.

I stopped having those body shaking sobs when one cries rally hard and I was just fighting to stop my tears from flowing. Greta had made me think of something else, so I asked, "Why will it disappear Mrs. Dell?"

She looked a little surprised and smiled at me and then said, "Puberty, Ricky. Soon your male hormones will flood your body and brain changing your body and attitude. Your voice will crack and change for a while and then it will get deeper. You will never again be able to reach those higher notes."

"Oh" I said, "The kids at school call it the 'pimple period' but I hear that the girls start growing in different areas and the boys get bigger and get more muscles. I remember hearing some boys talking and they sounded funny, they had high and then lower voices and sometimes squeaky in between sounding voices."

The two ladies laughed then and Brenda and Tracy came back. Pastor Kit was with them. He sat on the bed and offered me his hand to shake and I took it and shook it. He took the glass of juice from Brenda and handed it to me. I sipped and sipped again. Boy, was that good! My tears had stopped and I was no longer crying, the ladies successful in this attempt by getting my mind off the fiasco that ended a wonderful fun time for me abruptly. Too abruptly!

Pastor Kit taking his time, looked at everyone in the room silently appraising them and saying something unspoken but sure of it being understood. He looked at me, smiled, and started talking to me, "Ricky, I am sorry for assuming you were a girl, can you forgive me?"

I nodded and said, "Yes, Pastor Kit, I can't blame you, most people do just that all the time. But it hurts me inside when they do."

He smiled while patting me on my head gently and continued, "We each have a purpose for being here, Ricky. Many of us only have an idea or we make assumptions as to what our purpose for being here, is based on what we can do well. You see, we each have gifts our Lord has given us and this helps us in knowing what God has planned for us during the time we are here. My gifts directed me to become a Pastor so I could freely share the gifts our Lord has given me. What about you, Ricky? What gifts has God given you and how can we adults help you in sharing those gifts with others?"

Wow, talk about being drop kicked into a position I didn't want to be in at that time! But, I had to answer and so I said, "Gifts? Why does everybody always call talents and special skills gifts? Can't they be heavy crosses to be always carried instead? Can't they be called challenges? How about those born without sight or hearing? Would you call those gifts as well? I don't think so! To answer your question, and it isn't an easy question to answer either, I would have to say. My gifts, crosses, challenges seem to be many. My face and body, my voice both singing and talking, my very attitude as you have called it is not normal so everyone tells me. Our Priest at my church said the most important lesson for all mankind is what Jesus said to all of us. He said, 'Do unto others as you would do unto you.' Jesus left a lot out when He had said that one!"

Pastor Kit looked surprised when I said that and so did Greta and Cindy!

I continued, "He forgot to tell us what would happen to you by others when you did do that! You are called names, many hurtful names. You are beaten up and since you wouldn't beat up yourself, according to Jesus you just let it happen to you. Funny though, didn't Jesus go berserk outside a temple? According to the Gospel He even whipped moneychangers and vendors, overturning their tables and carts as well. You see Pastor Kit, gifts can be curses as well. It only depends on how well and why they are received by others. Like my voice, I love to sing, but when I do sing in front of others something bad always happens in the end. When I sing people will stop and listen. They are happy and full of joy then. My song ends and when it does so does the peace and the joy end. Something else replaces it other feelings and words take over. Like what happened down stairs, what was a room filled with happiness and joy turned into arguing and hurtful words being said. Doubt and accusations of telling lies, one lady tried to feel me to see if I was a boy! Do you think this is the only time I have gone through something like this? No, I have gone through it every time I have sung for others besides my mother and aunt. At church, at school in the park or even when I am just walking to or from somewhere. From happiness and joy, everything changes whenever I stop singing. That is why I don't sing! That is why I will never sing again! Look at me! What do you see? Be honest in your answer please!"

I waited for his answer, tears building behind my eyes once more threatening to spill yet again. I hurt and I always hurt after singing for others. That is why I always try never to sing outside of my home and private refuge.

Pastor Kit had tears in his eyes! WOW! I never would have thought a pastor, a leader of many, would openly shed tears! But, he did, he wasn't crying in the sobbing, voice-stopping way, just tears as he tried to answer my question the best he could. He said, "Well said, young one! I can tell you are a very special person even being so small and so young. You show a deeper understanding, more than many adults I know. First, let me answer your question about what I believe Jesus was trying to show others by His actions outside the Synagogue you mentioned. Try to remember that Jesus was also human as well as divine, ok. When you read the New Testament again pay close attention to Jesus’ words and actions. You will see He appears to be in many moods to others and even though he was consistent in everything He did and said, still many people believe otherwise. Your question is a very good one so let me be careful and thorough in my answer. Jesus wants us all to be selfless in all that we do. Many of us can do this only some of the time, we are mostly selfish people even though we will never acknowledge this fact to ourselves. Those people, Jesus whipped and destroyed their livelihood by His action was because of this. His Father's house is the most selfless place anywhere and at anytime. To be standing in front of His doorstep making money off of those people going to His house was a very strong insult to God. To require people to give in to other's selfish attitudes and acts before entering God's house was the worst thing one could do. That is why Jesus did what He did."

"Now as for your unasked but well heard questions I can say but a few things to help you understand. The truth is I see a young girl when I look at you. I can surely bet everyone else does as well." (I winced and felt those words strike deep.) "I do not say this to hurt you in anyway, Ricky, but you wanted the truth and that is what I will give you ok?"

I said, "Ok, but why?"

He continued, "I bet if you got dressed in all your boy clothes and even if you got a very short haircut, once you started talking and just by what people would see they would think you were a girl dressed and trying to act as a boy. I even bet a lot of people have called you a Tomboy, haven't they?"

I nodded and he went on, "It is your heart, Ricky, not only your features but your advanced maturity and your caring of others first. Like even though you said you would never sing in front of others here you did just that a few minutes ago."

Just then, the lady who tried to feel my front and lift up my apron knocked on the doorframe requesting entry. I winced and pulled back and away from her toward Mrs. Russell. Mrs. Russell hugged me and Pastor Kit looked at her and said, "MRS. EVANS! Would you be so kind as to wait at the foot of the stairs and keep anyone else from rudely interrupting a very private and important meeting! We will be down when we decide this meeting is over and IF Ricky wishes to rejoin a group of people who have been hurtful and selfish in their dealing with him."

Wow, she turned white and straightened up real quick. She looked at me and said very quickly, "I am so sorry, please forgive me."

With that said, she went down the stairs. Pastor Kit continued, "I believe you can be stronger than you are now, Ricky. You are a boy even though you do not look like one. That gives you something extra the girls your age do not have. You see things differently than they do. You also have not been brought up as a girl so you do not have those prejudices and you haven't been molded as young girls and boys have. Am I right?"

I said, "Yes and no, Pastor Kit. I’ve been taught how to do many of the things girls’ usually only do. Housework and the like, but that's only because of what my family needs and I must do. I can't help the way I look. I only know that I am a boy and all my problems begin with that. If I don't say anything about it when people call me a girl or treat me like one I have a lot less problems. But, that’s just like letting a lie stay a lie. I think my biggest problem is to know what to do when people say and think I’m a girl. I also sometimes end up looking like this." (I motioned with my hands at the way I was dressed.) "Those ladies were right when they said those things about me. What hurt the most was when they said, 'what kind of a boy would dress like that.' They also saw the girl's undies I am wearing. It wasn't that I wanted to wear them, I don't! I had no real choice my boy's underpants were soaked through with sweat and I couldn't concentrate on singing being so uncomfortable. Why couldn't they notice my sneakers! They are boys and it is obvious being high cuts and black. My hair is a cut like a boy's and I know I don't act like a girl, do I?"

Pastor Kit smiled and said, "You are very young yet and depend on what others think of you and say about you to learn about life and how to live it. What makes it hard is that you can't depend on those who don't know you well. I suggest you listen to those closest to you to learn from those that believe in you and truly want the best for you. People believe what they want to Ricky. Some will cling to their beliefs no matter what is said or proven. I suggest you trust those who trust you and those that wish the best for you. Those that know you well will treat you the best."

Just then, my mom came rushing into the room and stopped looking shocked at the way I was dressed. She looked at Mrs. Russell as if she would kill her in a nanosecond if she had her choice! I jumped off the bed yelling, "MOMMY, Mommy!" I jumped into her arms tears starting to flow I was so relieved in her presence!

My mother held me close saying what most mothers would in times like these, "Oh, Honey, it's alright now Mommy's here and she won't let anybody hurt you." I knew that and that's why I clung to her like glue.

Pastor Kit stood up and said, "Mrs. O'Hare, I am Pastor Kit and before you kill anyone here please let Mrs. Russell explain alright?"

My mom said, "I demand an explanation and it had better be a damn good one at that!" Wow, my mommy just said a bad word in front of a pastor of all people. He winced and let my mommy sit on the bed with me still in her arms clinging to her.

Mrs. Russell stood up and walked over to my mommy and me and said, "Julia, please just listen to what I have to say and then if you wish you can hit me a good one, ok?"

My mommy nodded and said, "Cindy, I trusted you with the care and good treatment of my child. It appears to me you have failed in doing that. Do you know what I was asked when those lunatics downstairs realized who I was? They asked me, no, they almost told me that my son was a girl! Now I want an explanation and I want it now!" She hugged me tighter and kissed me a lot of times on my head and face. My mommy would always be my mommy! It's funny how when in deep trouble or pain your mother automatically gets called Mommy again. Even though you are ten years old and a big boy now when you need your mother in times of distress you remember when you had the deepest bond with her and that is when you always called her Mommy!

I looked up at my mommy and said, "Mommy, can I please change into my clean clothes now?"

She looked at Cindy as to ask why I was dressed this way and Cindy asked Brenda, "Brenda, please go get the bag with Ricky's clean set of clothes."

Brenda grabbed Tracy's hand and off the two of them went, but first they stopped and gave me a kiss on the cheek and a little hug and Brenda said, "Ricky we really like you and don't ever want to hurt you in any way. You will always be our special friend and angel." They were off to get my clothes and I noticed everybody including my mommy was smiling at what Brenda had said.

Cindy said, "He is wearing the apron to protect his clothing, but earlier his shorts and underpants were soaked through with sweat making them very uncomfortable to wear. I had wanted Ricky to polish the furniture after we had taken a little break so the apron was really needed. As you can see, it is a thickly made apron and no one can see through it. It was my decision to have him take off his shorts and underpants as a necessity but he still needed a pair of underpants to wear. He couldn't wear his other pair because they would just get sweaty and wet as well, so I had him put on the only new pair I had on hand. Unfortunately, all I had were girl's nylon panties I had purchased for Brenda that were still unworn and wrapped. But, since nobody would be seeing them I felt it would be best and actually much cooler for Ricky to wear them. I assure you it was not my intention to make Ricky look more girlish! Please believe me when I tell you that. Ricky even told me that they were much more comfortable to wear than his boy's underpants."

My mommy looked at me with that questioning look, so I said, "I did mommy and they are more comfortable and cooler to wear than mine. I just don't like all the flowers on them." My mommy chuckled and so did the rest of those in the room.

Mrs. Dell stood up and said, "Mrs. O'Hare my name is Greta Dill and Tracy is my daughter. This was as much my doing as anyone else's so please let me say something before Cindy tries to explain what has happened." My mommy nodded and Greta said, "Your son has the most beautiful singing voice I as a teacher and a professional coach have ever had the pleasure to hear! I know that you know what a special gift his voice is."

My mommy nodded, hugged and kissed me again. Brenda and Tracy came back with my clothes and Tracy said to her mother, "Mommy, somebody has to go downstairs. It's crazy down there."

Pastor Kit asked Cindy to go and have the others wait. He said, "Cindy I don't think it would be a good idea to have all those ladies and children leave before things are explained to them. Maybe you can make them some tea or something and have them promise to wait. I will be down shortly after Greta finishes her explanation to talk to them. Tell them it is me who wants them to stay. You should have no trouble keeping them all here."

Cindy nodded and had the two girls go with her. Brenda and Tracy could keep the young girls in check and entertained. Off the three of them went.

My mommy had me stand up and she untied the apron and took it off of me. She changed my sopping sweat filled shirt with my clean one, held out my clean pair of shorts for me to step into. I looked at her and said, "Mommy what about my underpants?"

She smiled at me and said, "Didn't you just say they were cooler and more comfortable than your boy underpants?"

I said, "Yes, but I don't like all the flowers and they are blue not white ones."

She answered, "Well, nobody is going to see them under your shorts and I have a feeling we will be here for a while yet so it is best you stay cool and comfortable ok?"

I said ok, and she pulled my shorts up and finished by zipping and snapping them closed. I huddled with my mommy on her lap once more and Greta began her explanation, "Mrs. O'Hare..."

My mother jumped in here saying, "Please call me Julia, Greta, alright?"

Greta began again saying, "Julia, I came in as Ricky was finishing the advanced scales. Do you know what they are?" My mother said no and Greta continued, "Advanced scales are sung by those who can easily perform the standard scales. They are also for those who have a wider tonal range and can hold tones and transition the notes easily from one to the other. Ricky can do that, and it appears almost effortlessly. Young boys can have a higher tonal range but usually it is the girls and women who can transition well and their voices, of course, change minimally as they grow older. Boys always lose this ability once puberty begins. They may still have a good singing voice, but it is of a lower range and a deeper tonal quality than before. Now as for what happened later, I can tell you this. I was there and Ricky along with the choir singing the chorus brought the house down! I know everyone there was speechless and in awe of Rickie's voice and performance. We all had goose bumps and you could hear a pin drop when the song had ended. Then all hell broke loose! All the girls in the choir mobbed Ricky they were so happy. They jumped all over him knocking him down and that is when his apron flipped up around his waist. There was nothing he could do about it with all the girls on top of him, they were all hugging and kissing him and were all calling him their 'ANGEL' and telling him how wonderful he had performed. Brenda and Tracy were pulling the girls off when Cindy and I joined them and freed Ricky. It was too late to save his modesty, everyone there got a good look at the panties he was wearing and I am afraid this added to the reasons most thought he was a girl. One thing you must understand is that the choir is without a soloist now that my daughter Tracy can't sing until her throat and vocal cords heal properly. This also added to the wants and wishes of the girls and their mothers. Pastor Kit, I believe, also wanted Ricky to be a girl because of this as well."

We all looked at Pastor Kit and he nodded guiltily. He said, "So Julia, just try to picture this if you will, there is this young person dressed only in an apron, t-shirt and everyone saw the cute panties this person was wearing underneath. This young person just delivered a singing performance no one here has ever had the privilege to witness their entire lives. The only thing preventing the choir from entering this year's competition seemed to not only have ended, but a sure win in the finals was assured! Then this young person informs everyone he is a boy and that his voice is not only a gift but a curse as well! Need I say all Hades' broke loose and the comments that were hurtful to Ricky had begun. Julia do you have any questions for me?"

Julia began with saying, "It appears that I was wrong in my first assumption and I apologize for that. I know all the ladies and girls downstairs are waiting impatiently for us so I will wait with my other questions until this is over and just the few of us can sit down and chat comfortably. Is this ok with you?"

Pastor Kit and Greta smiled and nodded at this suggestion. With that said and agreed upon, we left to go downstairs. My mom held my hand and off we went. Pastor Kit was in front with Greta next, my mother and I held back a little. We heard before we saw anything. It sounded like the girls were having a lot of fun and by the sounds of it the ladies were still going at it in the kitchen. Greta sidled up to my mother and whispered something to her and my mother just nodded and smiled in reply.

Greta called out for Tracy and she appeared with Brenda and a few other girls. Greta said, "Just Tracy and Brenda, girls, ok?" The girls said ok and disappeared back into the noisy mayhem going on inside the music room. Tracy and Brenda ran over to me and gave me a hug and of course, a few kisses and asked me if I was ok now.

I said, "Yes, for now but I'm afraid of what the ladies are going to say about me."

My mom held my hand and said, "Ricky, it is going to be fine I am here with you and you know I won't let anyone hurt you if I can help it."

Pastor Kit and Greta said the same and so did Tracy and Brenda. So as a troop we all went into the kitchen and saw Cindy had control even though some of the ladies were a bit animated amidst a heavy discussion. When they saw us, everyone became quiet and Cindy did the introductions for my mom and the others. Cindy walked over to my mom and before she could say anything my mom said, "It's alright Cindy, Greta told me most of it and we will wait until all the others leave before we sit down and talk ok?" Cindy said ok and nodded to Pastor Kit.

He began by saying, "I hope everyone has learned a few things today. I know I have thanks to this young boy who has showed me a remarkable understanding of what life is all about. This child, who has been treated rather cruelly by most of us here today." All of the ladies bowed their heads and then looked at me saying how sorry they were. I had apologies coming from every direction and all at the same time!

Greta then said, "Julia would it be alright if Ricky went and played with the other children?" My mom looked at me and before I could answer, Tracy and Brenda had my hands and whisked me away from the kitchen. (I had wanted to stay and listen to what the adults were going to say and discuss. I knew it was going to be all about me.)

We arrived in the music room and in only seconds, the entire room got very quiet. An amazing thing when you consider there were twelve girls and one boy in the room! This time it was better because I had on my shirt and shorts. All of a sudden when I smiled the noise level rose considerably. All the girls surrounded me blasting me with apologies and questions.

One thing was certain though I had a new name. Everyone was calling me Angel. Oh brother! Is Angel a boy's name? I wondered. After the apologies and introductions again, we all decided to just sit on the floor and talk. They had a spokesperson and that was Tracy. Tracy and Brenda sat on either side of me as to protect me from the others. When everyone got quiet again Tracy stood up and walked into the center of the half moon shape we had formed. Facing us all she began, "Ricky, I was elected by proper vote to be the person to speak for all the members of our choir. What I say is coming from every member ok?"

I nodded and she continued, "Ricky please don't get mad at us for what we are about to say. Just believe that we are telling you the truth and none of us wants to hurt you in any way. We took a vote and have made you an honorary member of our choir. All of us have a choir nickname that was given to each member by the choir. We all talked it over and decided your name will be Angel. Please don't get mad! Many angels are men you know. The most powerful angel of them all is called Michael. We all decided on that name because of the way you look while you are singing. Plus the way you sing! You are an angel in our eyes, Ricky. So from now on, you are ANGEL!"

She then nodded, came over to me, stood me up and hugged and kissed me telling me her choir name. Each girl one by one came up to me and gave me a hug and a kiss welcoming me to the choir and telling me their choir names. That was so cool! For once in my life, I felt like I belonged to a group and was welcomed to be in it by everyone! I was very happy! Each of them went back to their places and sat down again.

Tracy standing and facing all of us once more said, "Angel we will have pictures for you in a few days. We know when you get to see them that you will agree with us that not only is your voice a thing of beauty, but you are as well. Angel, when you were singing we all got goose bumps and the tingles. When we could finally see your face after we were done singing we all said the same thing! You were beautiful! Don't get mad at us please!" She must have seen my expression change quickly from happy to red and irritated.

Brenda put her arm around me and squeezed she also kissed me. Tracy continued, "We have all decided to make sure that nobody picks on you or hurts you. One or more of us will be available to go with you anywhere you are going so you won't ever have to be alone again. We are more than a choir, Angel, we are a family, and we hope you will agree with us and become part of our family."

She came up to me and lifted me up by my hands, walked with me back to the center and facing all the girls she said, "This is Angel who we wish to be a member of our family. All those in support of this decision please stand up." Every one of the girls stood up and clapped saying my choir name over and over until Tracy held up her hands for quiet.

She turned facing me and said, "Angel, do you want to join our family and be a part of what we do and accept or protection and friendship?"

What could I say? This was only a dream I had to be part of something and liked by others. So I said, "Yes, I do." A bedlam of cheers broke out then. I was surrounded once again by twelve girls, all hugging and kissing me and saying happy things I would never decipher because they all were talking at the same time.

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"Let's go where I'll keep on wearin' those frills and flowers and buttons and bows, rings and things and buttons and bows." -- Dinah Shore/Livingston and Evans

A Life Ever Changing #26

Buttons and Bows

by Angel O’Hare

What could I say? This was only a dream I had to be part of something and liked by others. So I said, "Yes, I do." A bedlam of cheers broke out then. I was surrounded once again by 12 girls, all hugging and kissing me and saying happy things I would never decipher because they all were talking at the same time.

I looked at them and continued…

We heard applause from the doorway then and we all looked to see the adults standing just inside the room behind and to the right of us. My mother had a big smile on her face and all of them looked happy. A big difference than when I had seen them in the kitchen. All the girls ran to the adults all talking at the same time as usual.

My mother came to me smiling she said, "Ricky I am so proud of you. You have nothing to be ashamed of and what you did was thoughtful and kind. You were thinking of others again as you always seem to do and your singing was even better than I ever dreamed. They let me listen to the tape in the kitchen when I didn't really believe them when they said your voice alone was a very rare thing. I can't wait to see those pictures they took of you while you were singing and right after. They told me you were glowing and very beautiful to see."

I turned red and said, "Mommy! Please don't say that!"

She laughed and picked me up hugging me tight and said, "Oh Ricky, you have always been my little Angel and I agree with the name they have given you." Oh darn! She continued, "So, you have now decided to join the choir and be a member of their family? I heard you agree to this with my own ears. All the adults heard it too, Ricky."

I answered by saying, "Mommy, they made me an honorary member not a real member."

She said, "No Ricky, or should I call you Angel? (She chuckled) That was in the beginning. What you agreed to as I heard it was to be a full-fledged member. You even agreed to take part in what they do. Didn't you listen to Tracy when she said those things to you?"

I answered, "Yes. I listened to every word. Oh brother! I did, didn't I?"

My mother laughed and said, "Yes, dear, you did. So, did you mean what you said or should you go and tell them you changed your mind? It is your decision and I will stand by you no matter what you decide."

I said, "I like them, Mommy, and they like me. For the first time, I can belong to a group and not be called names and be beat up. So I guess I want to be a full member."

My mother said, "You guess or you want to?"

I answered, "I want to and I want to be a part of their family and have good friends." My mother smiled, hugged and kissed me and then led me over to the adults and girls.

As we approached them pastor Kit asked, "Well Angel, you are now part of the choir and everyone has agreed that you should be the soloist as well." I looked at Tracy; she was smiling and seemed happy.

I said to her, "Tracy, you are the soloist and I don't want to take your spot!"

Tracy answered, "Oh Angel, you have to earn and deserve the soloist position. You have done both already. I will be happy when my singing voice comes back and I can rejoin all my friends singing again. You should be our soloist and you are our soloist by unanimous decision I should add!"

I blushed again of course and they all giggled and laughed. I was hugged and kissed by everybody! I then asked the big question in my mind, "This is an all girls choir and I’m a boy. How can I be a part of an all girls choir?"

Pastor kit said, "Ladies, this is the question you must answer and be very thoughtful in the words you use. Angel is a very sensitive person and please keep that in mind." He swept with his hands and arms like they should take over from here. I looked at my mother and she smiled and nodded letting me know she knew what was going to be said and had agreed to it. Oh brother!

Mrs. Russell came over to me, laid her hand on my shoulder and led me away from the others. She said, "You know Ricky, Angel is the perfect name for you. We are listing you on our official roster as Angel O'Hare Soloist. With the title of soloist, it means you will be judged tougher than the other girls will. One thing I know you will be happy about is that the soloist wears white and not pink like the chorus members. Now I want you to know officially, there are no physical requirements to be a member of the choir. That means no one will be checking to make sure if you are a boy or a girl. It is all in what you appear to be, not in what you actually are. Do you understand what I just said?"

I looked up at Mrs. Russell and said, "You are telling me I have to appear as a girl and not as a boy, right?"

She answered, "Angel, you have no problems appearing as a girl you understand that much. Even dressed as a boy, as you are now, people still have a hard time thinking of you as such when they see you. When you sing, it is impossible to see you as a boy. That is just how it is, Angel. Those are the facts. I know that no one will even think of asking about you once you have performed. I know you don't like to hear this, but when you sing you are a very beautiful child and no one would ever believe you to be a boy. The girls in the choir all know this, that is why they had a meeting and they all decided that you would be perfect and they even decided to protect you and make you a full member of the family. That means everything to them and they do a lot of things together. A lot of fun things and they want you to be a part of all that they do. That is a big honor to give to someone and all of them agreed. Not one of them spoke out against you in any way! That means a lot, Angel! Even Tracy had a few of the girls not wanting her to get the soloist position."

I looked around and saw that everything was very quiet and just a few people were whispering. I said, "My mommy said it was ok?"

Cindy said, "She left it up to you to decide Angel, but she did say she would stand by whatever decision you make. That means she will support you and stand by you no matter what happens, ok?"

I said, "The choir doesn't stand a chance in the competition if I don't join them right?" She just nodded. I continued, "So what comes next? How am I going to look to everybody? What will I be wearing and are you sure nobody is going to make fun of me?"

Mrs. Russell said, "First, you will appear as the beautiful Angel that you are. Second, you will be wearing a very beautiful white gown, a tiara, and a veil all the other girls will be wearing pink gowns and hats with little veils. Third, nobody would dare to make fun of you now, Angel. You are a part of a very close family with many connections and I assure you that all of us think you are a very brave and special little boy. As for what comes next?" She turned us around so we faced everyone and announced, "Ladies and Pastor, I proudly present to you Angel, soloist and newest official member of our choir!"

Holy cow, what a scene, everybody was hugging everybody including my mother! My mother came over to me and said, "Ricky, I am so proud of you. Once again you have put others first and your wishes and wants second. I know this is going to be hard for you, but you have a lot of people and friends that will be standing by you and watching out for you. Before this happened you were all by yourself and I worried about you. I want you to know how much I love you and I won't ever let anyone hurt you and if they do they will answer to me and all of these new friends of yours ok?" I said ok and we joined everybody else.

My mother had new friends and I had new friends. I don't know yet if I still have a job or not. I will have to ask later. To, much is going on now, my mother finally took my hand and said, "Are you ready to go?"

I said, "Yes please, Mommy, I need to go somewhere quiet."

She laughed and we said our goodbye's, which took a long time! I put my bike in the trunk and we left. We headed in the wrong direction so I asked where we were going. My mother said, "Honey, we are going out to eat, then we are picking up Aunt Harriet and doing a little shopping ok?"

I said, "Ok, I love to eat out! Aunt Harriet is a lot of fun and we always have a good time when we are all out together."

--^^--

I looked at Grace and Marjorie they were both looking at me intently trying hard not to interrupt me. You could see the questions burning to be asked. I laughed and said, "Ok, out with it! Ask away, but be brief I am getting hungry and thirsty."

Grace said, "Ok, let's go downstairs get something to eat and drink. We can ask our questions and you can continue the story afterwards." We all got up and went downstairs...Funny how I felt so much better!

Everybody smiled when they saw us and we all sat down. Barbara sat next to me and asked if I felt better. I said I did, but there was more that needed to come out for me to face and deal with. She nodded and got up to fix me something to eat. She said, "You just sit there, Rachel, and let me get you some food and something to drink. Would you like tea, coffee or something cold?"

I said, "COFFEE! And keep it coming." Everybody laughed and we just had a regular time conversing about regular stuff as if nothing at all had happened. Marjorie took my mother in another room for a short time and when she returned Barbara and her mom went with Marjorie along with Aunt Harriet. I guess the plan was for me to just relax and she would fill everybody in on my progress and condition. After we had eaten and had a few cups of coffee, Grace grabbed a big pitcher and filled it with ice and just a little water. We headed back upstairs and once again, I was to tell the story.

First were the questions and Marjorie started them off with asking, "Rachel, how did you really feel knowing you had to dress and appear to be a girl back then?"

I answered, "I was scared and afraid everybody at school would find out and the kids would be even meaner and try to hurt me real bad. But, I also Knew I now had a lot more friends, friends that would be looking out for me and would stay with me no matter what other kids said about me or tried to do to me. That part made me very happy and I worried a little less. My biggest problem would be changing back and forth or so I thought at the time. It turned out it was actually really easy."

Grace asked me, "Rachel, why do you think you have buried this memory and I gather a few more for so long and so completely?"

I answered, "Well, I think it was when I started getting older and all the other kids were changing and I stayed the same. The girls were sprouting and everything else. I recognized, as they did, a few differences that I did not and would not believe were happening to me. I decided I would just shut them away so they did not exist. But that is actually part of the story I am telling you."

Marjorie asked, "Why didn't you refuse to wear the girl's panties and I noticed you are not a bashful boy when it comes to undressing or being undressed and dressed in front of others why?

I answered, "It is a funny thing I guess, but I seem to accept situations without too much protest. If someone makes a good reason or a lot of sense about something I should do, I tend to not protest if the reasons are sound. Now, if they don't have a reason or they just want to play with me. I will protest loudly or run away if I can. Sometimes I didn't realize this until it was too late to do anything about it, then what can you do? You just do it and get it over with."

Grace asked, "You do sing beautifully and they were right about how you look when you are singing. Can you tell me where you go when you do sing?"

I answered, "Well, I really don't know the answer to that one. I have tried to answer that question myself, but I really don't know. I think it is more of becoming a part of a whole and not really going anywhere. It's like my voice joins with whatever I sounds required. When a four-piece band starts to play if they are good they join-together, each in there own way to make a particular sound. They still have their individual sounds they are making themselves, but together they make a unique sound, which includes all four of them at the same time. When I sing I become that sound I give of myself so it is me that joins with the other sounds making a unique joining and I actually take part in that joining. I feel it and sense it; I become one with each of the sounds. That is the best I can describe it. I really don't know exactly what happens."

I looked at Marjorie and she had a funny inquisitive look on her face so I asked, "What?"

She said, "Oh nothing, I don't have any more questions right now. Why don't you continue your story?"

She gave Grace a look I couldn't see and Grace said, "Yes, Rachel, please continue your story." So I did.

--^^--

We went to my favorite place to eat! A real Italian restaurant I always loved to go to because when you ordered spaghetti you got a huge bowl full, enough for you to eat it for days! I always took the leftovers home because you could only eat about one quarter of the bowl at a time, add sausage and I was in pure heaven!

While we waited for our order to arrive, I asked my mother, "Mommy, is it really ok for me to do this? I mean I'm not making you ashamed of me or anything like that am I?"

My mother looked at me with a shocked look on her face and said, "Oh Honey! You are doing no such thing! I am very proud of you for what you are doing. I know it is a little out of the ordinary for you to do this, but just look at all the benefits for you. You have a real good friends and not the kind that just use you and dump you. You can finally sing in front of people without worrying about being picked on and hurt. If you are dressed as a girl, how can people make fun of you as they have? They can't, Honey, they will see what they always thought they had seen when they looked at you. Now for the boys at school, you have all your other friends to be with and they want to be with you so there is less of a chance you will be picked on or hurt, these friends will help protect you and stand by you. It is really a win-win situation, Honey. I want you to know that you can stop at anytime and I will respect that and stand by your decision, ok?"

Wow, did I get an earful with that! I said, "Ok, Mommy and thank you." She smiled and we talked about going to Aunt Harriet's house. We finished eating and deciding on no dessert because we were just too full, I got my doggie bag and we were off to Aunt Harriet's house.

When we pulled into Harriet's driveway, she came out to meet us at the car. She gave me a hug and a kiss and sent me into the house saying she had a surprise inside for me. COOL! I heard her tell my mother as I was leaving she said, "Julia I have had the most interesting phone calls the past hour and a half. Is it true?"

That is all I heard as I went inside and started looking for my surprise. All I saw was a bunch of hair stuff she used for doing other ladies' hair. I decided to put my doggie bag in the fridge; I saw a bowl of my favorites of favorite’s dessert! STRAWBERRY SUPREME! YES!!!! COOLEST OF COOLS! You always had room for strawberry supreme! I took out the bowl and grabbed a spoon from the silverware drawer and off to Heaven I went! I finished my dessert and they were still outside talking! GEEZE! I went into the living room and turned on the TV. Yuck, soap operas and game shows. I turned it off and I heard them come into the house.

Aunt Harriet called for me and I went into the kitchen. I thanked her a lot for the dessert and she smiled and said, "Well, you are now officially our little Angel and I can help you be a better looking Angel at that! Sit here, Honey, and let me do my magic, ok?"

I looked up at her and said, "Auntie, please don't make me look too girlish, ok?"

She laughed and said, "Honey, what ever I do you can comb it out at anytime and then part it just like a boys haircut, ok?"

I said ok and sat in the special chair she had just for me. It had a pump on the bottom she pushed with her foot and it raised the chair up so I didn't have to sit on a booster seat like I used to. She said, "Oh no this will never do, your hair is a mess and all sweaty, to the sink Angel!"

Off to the sink I went and I had to use that booster seat after all. This was a special sink Auntie had put in just to shampoo hair. My hair was washed, rinsed, washed, and rinsed again and gunk put in it. Then it was rinsed, and rinsed again. She wrapped it in a towel and had me sit in my chair again. She combed it out in little sections snipping just a little here and there. Then she combed it forward over my eyes and cut it straight across. She then started doing something funny she never did before. She wrapped little sections on these strips of cloth smearing them with gunk and put Bobbie-pins in them so they were close and tight next to my scalp. She did this at both temples then she took these real small curlers added some little papers and a bunch of gunk and rolled the hair at my back in them real tight! She pinned them too. She put this plastic bonnet on my head and tied it real tight. She hooked a hose to it and all of a sudden, I felt hot air surrounding my head.

She handed me a bottle of soda pop and I sat there for a long time. Well, it felt like a long time. I was done with my soda pop before she took the bonnet off of my head. She took out the curlers first and brushed out my hair just a little bit. I saw my mother smile and Aunt Harriet was real happy. She took out the pins at my temples and very carefully removed the cloth strip from each one. She took some hairspray and while holding one sprayed it a lot and then used the hose to dry it. She did this to each one and said, "PERFECT! My little Angel looks just like an angel now."

My mother was all smiles and said, "Those petal curls are darling! Shopping is going to be a lot more fun now."

What? Petal curls. What are those? I asked, "What are petal curls and I am going shopping with curls?"

My mother said, "Honey, you need a few things for choir and Auntie Harriet has agreed to go shopping and get you a few more late birthday presents."

Harriet said, "It is Angel's birthday today so I thought since you needed a few things when you have to practice and for when you sing in front of others I would pick them up as birthday presents for our Angel, ok?"

What could I say? I said, "Ok auntie, but I am wearing boy clothes and everybody will think I’m a sissy."

Auntie said, "Well you just wait a couple of minutes ok?" I said ok and she left the house and went over to her neighbors. I could see her through the back door, which was open.

My mother said, "Honey, petal curls look like little flower petals and are real cute, but hard to do and keep in. That's why auntie sprayed them a lot and dried them. Now they will last a long time if you don't play with them or touch them too much."

I said I wouldn't do that and asked, "Mommy, how long will they last?"

She chuckled knowing what I had meant and said, "Don't worry, Honey, they wash out real easy and will disappear."

I said, "Ok mommy, but what do we have to go shopping for exactly?"

She said, "Well we already told you and I know auntie would not want me to spoil her surprise so why don't we wait and find out, ok?"

I didn't like that answer too much, but I said ok and left it at that.
I saw auntie coming back and she had a big paper bag that looked stuffed with her. She also had a covered plastic bag that had a hanger sticking out which she was holding. She came in and said, "Julia, bring Angel and come upstairs to my room."

So, we followed her upstairs to her room. Once we got there my mother started undressing me and auntie emptied out the bag. OH NO, FRILLIES! There was a petticoat and tights. There was a silky looking undershirt with frills on it, a pair of open toe shoes, and a belt. I looked at them both and said, "Why do they have to be so frilly?"

They both chuckled and auntie said, "Honey, beggars can't be choosers. I promise once we get to the store I won't buy you anything real frilly, only what we have to, ok?"

I said "Ok, but what do you have to get for me that has to be frilly?"

She shook her head and said, "Angel, please stop and think, ok? One of your outfits is going to be real fancy. Your white gown needs some frillies as you call them. You also need some jewelry and a few other things. Now enough of these questions, ok? We have to get ready and leave soon. Mrs. Gilmore who you met today owns one of the shops we are going to go to and she will be waiting for us. She called me and was one of the ladies that told me what had happened today."

Oh brother! One of the ladies, that means a bunch of them called her. Auntie was a hairdresser and she knew everybody and they talked about everything and everybody! I bet she knew more about my jobs and what went on more than my mother! My mom had me stripped down to my new blue flowered nylon panties and auntie said, "Well, we don't have to worry about you dressed in boys underpants now do we. Those are cute!" Oh brother! She continued, "How do they feel, Angel?"

I rolled my eyes and they both laughed and them my mother said, "Harriet, I was told Angel here likes the way they feel; they are thinner, tighter and much cooler than the boys underpants. Isn't that what you said, Honey?"

Oh brother! I said, "Yes, I said that and it's true, but I wish they were white and not covered in flowers!"

Auntie said, "Well, that is wonderful, Angel! I am glad you can appreciate the many differences in girl's finery than the boys drab stuff. You will have a lot more fun if you can enjoy the feel and freedom of girl's wear."

My mommy then said, "Honey, you will see we girls have a lot more fun shopping than boys do. There is a lot more very nice things made for us and it is always a fun time shopping for girls."

I said, "Really? (A little sarcasm here.) I can hardly wait to go and get a bunch of girl's stuff I will only wear a few times."

Mommy said, "Don't get smart with me! I am not lying to you now and I have never lied to you and you know it!"

I said, "I'm sorry, Mommy, but this is all new to me and I am really nervous and scared!"

They both grabbed me then and hugged me and kissed me with auntie saying, "Oh my little Angel, don't you be scared. We love you very much and you know we will keep you from any harm. This is going to be a lot of fun for us, it will be for you to if you will just relax, trust us and think about all the singing you can do! You know how everybody loves to hear you sing and only a few stupid boys think differently! So don't be scared and hold your head up high and just go with it and have some fun ok?"

I smiled and said ok, it was then they started putting the frillies on me. First was the vest thing with the frilly lace! Then came the tights, they were white and my auntie put them on me by rolling them down to the feet and I had to sit down and put one foot in and then the other. I had to stand back up and she and my mommy pulled them up until they were smooth and tight! They went far up and over my waist and covered my belly.

Then they had me step into the petticoat, pulled it up, and tied it around my waist. Then came the dress. Oh brother! It was pink and buttoned up the back! My mommy buttoned it up for me and auntie handed me a little white purse! My mommy put the belt around my waist and tightened it.

Auntie had me sit again as she fastened the opened toe shoes on my feet. They had a strap that went around my ankle with a tiny buckle. They were shiny white. Mommy showed me how to sit wearing a petticoat and a dress.

It was different but I knew I had to keep my hands on my lap when I sat or the petticoat would show real good. I didn't want that to happen! I had to use both my hands to hold the back of the dress tight to my bottom before I sat down. They told me this would keep the wrinkles out and be much more comfortable for me to sit. So then, after a few swipes of a brush to each of us we were off to a shop owned by one of the mothers of the girls in the choir. I wondered what type of shop it was, but was afraid to ask and just kept quiet. I would see soon enough!

Getting in an out of a car wearing a dress was another lesson, especially when Auntie's neighbor came out to meet Angel! Oh Brother! She gave me a girl's necklace! She said it was for her daughter but her daughter wouldn't wear it. It was a fine gold chain, which attached to a silver charm that said "PRETTY GIRL!" OH GEEZE!

My mommy and auntie really liked it! I thanked her for her gift and smiled. She gave me a hug and a kiss and told me to keep the items she had loaned me! She said, "Joanna is such a tomboy she will never wear it or anything nice."

Geeze, Joanna is a girl who probably gets to look and dress like a boy without and grief, and here I am a boy in HER dress! Go figure!

Auntie gave her a hug and thanked her for me and so did my mommy. Finally, we were off to the mystery shop! Auntie knew where the shop was so we took her car and I sat up front with her because she asked me to. My mommy sat in back and talked to us the whole way. We talked about a bunch of stuff, mostly about Auntie's friends, what she had heard from the many phone calls she had gotten. I tuned them out and just looked out the window. I did as they asked and held my head up high and just went with it! I heard them laugh loud and long. I wondered what I had missed when Auntie said, "Here we are girls!" Oh Geeze!

As we approached the shop I saw the name in big pink letters it said "EVERYTHING GIRLS" I thought maybe we wouldn't have to go anywhere else. We entered the shop and Mrs. Gilmore came rushing over happily, with a big grin on her face that got even bigger when she looked at me. She said, "Julia! Harriet! I am so glad that you made it to my shop. Oh and Angel, you are so pretty! Don't get mad at me please?"

I smiled and said, "I won't, Mrs. Gilmore I just have to start getting used to being called girl things and names. I'm not used to that yet and whenever I was called those names before it was almost always meant to hurt me and not said in a nice way at all."

Mrs. Gilmore hugged me and said, "Oh, you poor darling, I should have known that, can you forgive an older lady's stupidity?"

I looked at her in surprise and said, "Mrs. Gilmore, you are not stupid and I am the one who has to be forgiven for acting stupid."

She chuckled and said, "No my dear, but let us forget about the misunderstandings and start shopping, ok?" I said ok and off we went to see what was here. Mrs. Gilmore said, "Let us start from the skin out ok, ladies?"

Everybody but me said ok to that! Mrs. Gilmore asked, "Julia, what type of clothes are we getting for Angel today? Oh and please call me Lorrie, ok?"

My mommy said, "Ok, Lorrie, and we should really get Angel some regular practical things and some nicer things for practice and a few really nice things for the competitions."

Auntie added to that by saying, "We can start with a few plain white items and then progress up to the real finery, ok?"

Lorrie, Mrs. Gilmore, said, "Ok, this is going to be a fun time for all!" OH GEEZE! "Julia, you take Angel into the fitting room and undress her. We will be coming in and out with different sets of nice undergarments for her. You can help her try them on and decide which ones are keepers and which should go back to the rack, ok?"

My mommy said, "Ok, Lorrie, but I would like to pick a few things out for her myself as well."

Auntie jumped in and said. "I tell you what, Julia, we will each pick something out and switch places, ok?"

"Great Idea!" the ladies said almost together! Oh no! Now I will be naked in front of another lady! Oh well, I should have known.

My mommy took me in the back to where Mrs. Gilmore showed us where the fitting room was. This was a room separate from the dressing rooms and more private. I was glad of that! There was no other customers there right then so I really felt at ease, well, as at ease as I could be at the time. I was completely undressed down to my panties and my mommy said I could keep them on so we wouldn't get any of the other ones dirty and could safely return them.

Just then, auntie came in holding some plain white items. She said, "Lorrie would like you to put these on so you can try on the others safely so they can be returned if you don't want them. She said you can keep these as a gift from her."

My mommy said, "Oh, great idea, I think the panties she has on have been worn a little too long this will work out just fine." With that, she pulled my panties off and I stepped out of them. She held the white nylon "full cut" girls panties for me to put on. I noticed these were thicker and tighter than regular panties like I just had on. My boy parts seemed to disappear when mommy pulled them up tight and smoothed them out. She said, "Perfect! These give you a nice flat front even though you really don't show that much in regular panties." Oh geeze!

There was a nice plain, shiny, slightly padded bra that came next. This went on back and forth several times with each of them taking turns. They were having a lot of fun and I must admit I was getting into it as well. Happiness is contagious!

We did this for awhile and then Lorrie said, "It looks like no other customers are going to be popping in so I am closing the shop early and I will pull the curtain and Angel can come out here and join in the fun. How does that sound?" Everybody thought that was great, auntie and my mommy thanked her, and I was soon out into the shop in my latest set of undies.

It now was time for the real finery as auntie had called them. Wow, were they fancy and some were very frilly! Lorrie took a bunch of measurements and even my feet and made a phone call.

My mommy found a set of frillies she liked a lot and had me get into them. Now, these were too frilly in my book, but all the ladies loved them on me so I knew they were going to be mine! Let me describe them for you. The panties are full cut but very light my mommy calls them cover panties because I was supposed to wear them over my pantyhose. They had rows and rows of white lace from the top to the bottom in front as well as in back! Panties to go over panties, girls really go overboard, I thought!

I now had several bras and panty sets, different colors and several different styles, even two that had no straps! Some padded lightly and a few padded even more giving me a shape as if I had real boobies! I had what they called hip helpers that had pads in them at the hips and it shaped my bottom by lifting and spreading my bottom cheeks! They got me four of those in different colors! Oh brother! Now it was time for some clothes!

Blouses skirts and dresses, Shorts, tops, a few slacks and even several pairs of jeans, all in girl colors of course! Then we heard a knock on the door and we all jumped. Lorrie laughed and said it was Helen, who had a surprise for me. Oh Geeze! Helen was also one of the ladies at the Russell's house. Lorrie peaked through the curtain to make sure it was Helen and it was.

At the time, I had on a big girl's bra. It made me look like I had boobies. Small ones but more than a ten-year old girl would have! I had over that a yellow light summer blouse that allowed everybody to see my bra! Then I had on green shorts that were kind of short and fit loosely. They belted at the waist with a tiny belt.

Helen came in and when she saw me, she went nuts! She quickly handed several bags and a big garment carrier to my mommy Harriet and Lorrie. She rushed over to me, hugged me, kissed me, and said, "Oh, Angel you are a beauty! I can't wait to fit you with your soloist's gown!" Oh Brother! She giggled and turned to the others and said, "Well, girls, start unpacking those bags!"

They all had a lot of fun pulling items out of the bags, and when Helen unzipped the garment bag she withdrew the gown everybody, including me, gasped! It was beautiful! Even I had to admit it was the fanciest, and prettiest thing I ever saw! It was even better than the wedding gown I saw one of my fathers sisters get married in! (My father had left us but we got an invitation so we went, it was the last time we attended anything from my father's side of the family.)

I think it was a wedding dress. It was made for a young girl though so it couldn't have been. My auntie started giggling a lot so we looked at her and she was holding this funny looking white lacey thing. She said, "Helen, were did you find a fancy garter belt for someone so small?" Helen said she had made it herself along with a few other items. She said, "I have a few clients that like to dress their daughters up in the same things they wear, so I make a few extra of everything they order. I have even found a Paris distributor that makes nylon and silk stocking for children."

Oh Brother! Sure enough Harriet pulled out several pairs of nylons and one pair she said, "Oh my, real silk?" Helen just nodded. They were very sheer and white. They found four petticoats! Four of them went with this gown! There was a pair of long gloves with no fingers! No fingers? They were pink! There was a pink sash that wrapped around the waist of the gown and a pair of white high heels! Three-inch heels! I would kill myself if I had to walk in those!

Then Helen very gently removed something from another compartment in the garment bag. It was the veil, WOW! Like the dress, it had a lot of small pink beads sewn into it! They were a very light pink color and the veil itself was made of patterned very sheer lace. Then from somewhere else in the garment bag Helen removed a tiara. Holy cow! It was like a small silver crown and it also had light pink stones, but they were clear ones and very shiny! When you twisted it, the stones gleamed! Helen then said, "Ok, everybody, let's get this beauty stripped and we will dress her in her very own Angel dress!" I was ambushed, each of the ladies removed something until I was naked as the day I was born!

Then the assembly began! Wow, what a lot of work this was! Since the shoulders of the gown were made of very sheer lace, I had to have a strapless bra. This went on first as Auntie fastened the garter belt around my tummy just above my waist. I had to sit as my mommy and Lorrie put a pair of nylon stocking on me. Then I had to stand up again so they could fasten them to the garters. My auntie had these little pink lacey elastic round things she slipped up each leg until they covered the garter clips. Then, a very light, silky-sheer slip that tied around my waist. Then a thicker one with stiffer lace, then another still thicker and another thicker and stiffer and last but not least a very long one with layers and layers of stiffened lace! All of them tied around my waist!

Holy Cow! How could I even move? Then came the gown! It took the three of them to put it over my head and slip it on very carefully. When that was done, Helen used this funny thing to fasten the million buttons in the back!

I had to hold on to mommy as Lorrie helped me into the heels. Then Helen and auntie put the veil on my head. My mommy fastened the tiara with these pink beaded pins that went through the veil and into my hair. The veil had little holes made just for this purpose Helen had shown mommy where they were. Then the gloves with no fingers. Helen showed me a little loop I had to slip two fingers into it so it would allow me to lift my gown enough so I could walk. When I did this the long petticoat showed!

Heel lessons! Mommy and all the other ladies told me over and over to walk on my toes and put all my weight on the balls of my feet and gently lower my heels to the floor. The other thing they kept telling me was to put my feet directly in line and in front of the trailing foot.

Oh Brother!

My mommy and auntie held both my arms one of them on each side as I walked. They kept reminding me over and over what to do. I must have walked around Lorrie's shop ten times! Then I noticed my mommy and auntie weren't holding me anymore. I did it! My bottom felt funny because walking this way made me wiggle my bottom a lot! My hips went back and forth pretty far!

All of a sudden, I saw flashes of light! Yes, there were two cameras used and a lot of film! I bet they took fifty pictures! I had to smile and Helen even put pink lipstick on me! Finally, it was all over, I could get out of this gown, and those torture devises they call heels! My ankles and feet hurt!

Helen told me that I would have to have three people to help me get ready each time and if I had to go potty, I would need help with that as well! Oh geeze! I never have seen such happy ladies in my life! They were like little girls all giggling and so excited! My mommy had tears in her eyes and said, "I never would have believed someone could make you more beautiful and yet here you are the most gorgeous creature I have ever seen!"

Lorrie and Helen beamed with pride and auntie said, "Helen and Lorrie, you have outdone yourselves! This is utterly amazing! I would never have believed it if someone told me she would look this beautiful if I had not seen it with my own eyes!"

Lorrie said, "Yes, but look at the Angel we were blessed to work with!"

Helen added, "Put a beautiful girl in a beautiful gown and all you can do is enhance the beauty that already existed to begin with."

Helen then said, "I have to call Sylvia, she is waiting for my call. Next stop jewelry!" The four ladies got excited again! Helen made her call as Lorrie my mommy and auntie began the process of undressing me very slowly and carefully. It took them over a half hour to get me undressed! I was back in my pink dress and the other stuff I started out with, I did have on clean panties though and one of my new bras. The other one was a little tight. Off we went to another shop where another of the ladies was waiting for us.

Sylvia was waiting for us and as we pulled into a parking space in front of her shop, she came out to meet us. She greeted everybody and when she saw me I was hugged kissed petted and told in a never-ending stream how pretty I was and it didn't stop there either!

We went into her shop and she had a funny contraption with a bunch of various sized metal rings on a chain. She took some off and started sizing all my fingers! She wrote down the sizes and then she measured my neck in several places and wrote them down as well. She said, "Well, ladies what do we need for the gown?"

Helen who made the gown and knew what would look best with it said I needed a choker but of course, it couldn't impede my vocal cords or be too tight.

Sylvia smiled and said, "I have just the thing we need. What color, pink or white?"

Helen said pink and Sylvia went and got two beautiful chokers. One was white with pink beads the other was pink with those shiny clear pink stones. They both were adjustable and the excess just hung down the back of my neck in a straight line. They were perfect according to the ladies. So they got both of them.

Next came earrings that clipped on and they matched the chokers and gown nicely according to the ladies. I got two pairs of those! Then an anklet they called it. Jewelry for your ankles, I was going crazy. Two of those and then came the rings. Oh brother! This took the longest because one would like something and another would not. Finally, I had six rings, three for each hand!

I really thought this was a bit much! I never had seen anybody wear six rings at the same time! So I asked them about it and they all giggled and laughed calling me silly. I never did get a straight answer about the rings.

Then Sylvia gave me a very pretty girl’s wristwatch. She fastened it on my wrist and said it was a gift from her to me. I thanked her gave her a hug and a kiss. She was a very happy lady!

Finally, we were done and headed homeward! I asked my mom about Jerry and she said he was fine and the babysitter was staying overnight. We had a three-car caravan! Helen, Sylvia, and Lorrie, all in their own cars were following us to auntie's house! Oh geeze, I knew what that meant!

We arrived at my auntie's house and everybody pitched in to help carry everything in the house. There was a lot more stuff than I thought! Holy cow, there were a bunch of packages and boxes and bags! Garment bags, shoeboxes, and well, just a ton of stuff!

My mommy took me upstairs, ran me a bath, and then undressed me. I could get used to being pampered like this. I loved it now, where as before I resented it, now I even looked forward to it! I wondered why. I slipped into the tub and the water smelled like flowers and was oily.

Mommy told me to just relax and she would be back in a few minutes. So I lay back and relaxed. Oh, this felt so good! My mommy did come back but it was longer than just a few minutes that she was gone. She had a funny looking sponge and she put something on it and washed me all over.

She had me stand up, washed my privates and bottom real good, and then had me sit down again. When she was washing my privates she mumbled something I couldn't make out so I asked her what she said and she answered, "Oh, nothing, Honey, I just noticed something but it is nothing for you to worry about, ok?"

I said ok and forgot all about it. She washed and rinsed my hair and true to her words and aunties, the petal curls were gone. I still felt some curls at the back of my neck though! The front of my hair fell just over my eyebrows and a little into my eyes. My mommy combed this part straight back and it felt much better.

She helped me out of the tub and patted me dry. She held out a pair of plain white nylon panties for me to step into and then she helped me put on a long white silky white shirt. It came to just above my knees. There was a picture of a teddy bear on the front. Where did this come from?

She then said, "Ok, Honey, you are all set for bed now. How about joining us for a bedtime snack ok?" I said ok so down stairs we went...

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"A part of me has just been ripped,
the pages of my mind are stripped..." -- J. Geils Band

A Life Ever Changing #27
Stripped!

Angel/Ricky is being transformed!
Ten years old and in for some big surprises!

by Angel O’Hare

How about joining us for a bedtime snack ok?" I said ok so down stairs we went...

Everybody smiled when we came in and Helen said, "Angel, do you have any questions for me? You looked like you had a few by the expressions I saw on your sweet face."

I said, "I have a million questions but I think I need to know why I have so much to wear as a soloist? I mean you can barely walk and it seems like way too much trouble to go through to just sing."

Helen and the others laughed, Lorrie almost chocking on her tea. Helen said, "The members of the choir support staff decided since the choir won the finals the last three years running that we needed to set a new goal for girl’s choirs across the country. We wanted to really stand out and be what others yearn to be, the champions! Since we always pick the most elegant of music and the toughest to perform, we decided on the formal look. Last year we won again but we have heard and our little spy network has confirmed our stiffest competition have changed their look they have adopted a formal look as well.

"We decided to up them considerably. All the girls in the choir will be wearing very formal gowns and all the accessories. We decided on a wedding theme with the main group of girls being bride's maids and one, your main backup, being the maid of honor. Our youngest and the littlest in the group are flower girls. So you see as the soloist you must be the bride and a very elegant and beautiful bride at that!"

I had another question and asked, "I know this is very important to all of you and the girls, but I also know this will ruin my reputation as a boy, what little there remains already, and my life is about to change in a huge way. My auntie's neighbor and by now her daughter knows, well the news was big and according to Pastor Kit he had already heard rumors so, my next question is How can I ever appear as a boy again without being picked on and probably beaten up?"

My mother hugged me tight and Helen answered, "Angel, we checked the rules of the competition and know that what you will be doing is legal in every way. All you have to do is appear as what you represent and your voice must match.

"You see several years ago our main competition used this ploy. They dressed a boy up as a girl because he had a very strong voice. He was older than you are and had a much deeper voice as well. He did not look the part and further, did not sound the part. That group was eliminated right then from competing anymore that year.

"A strong rules change was made by the committee. What the rules committee decided was that any further groups would have to submit a tape and a picture of their group to the committee prior to any competition. The rules committee would then decide to allow or disallow a group from competing several months prior to any competition. That way the group could make any changes necessary and resubmit their application, photo, and recording in time to be allowed entry in any competition.

"You see, the committee felt that making a mockery of the girl’s choir competitions would not be tolerated in any way. The history of choirs also prevented the committee from banning males as members of all girls’ choirs. There have been several gifted boys in past history and even the castrati boys of old."

I asked, "Castrati?"

My mother squeezed me real hard and whispered in my ear, "Don't worry, Honey that will never happen to you and nobody has done that in many years."

Helen answered, "Castrati are young boys who have had their testicles removed before puberty had begun. It was done to prevent them from loosing their pre-pubescent voices. It did not always work and some children died. This was done a long time ago, Angel, and has not been done in any country for about a hundred years now. Most of it was done in Italy and France during the seventeen and eighteen hundreds. The Castrati were held in high regard and wanted for nothing if they were successful, but that was the distant past and now traditions are still held by the committee so you will have no problem performing as a girl in the choir."

Holy cow! Is puberty that much of a curse for young boy singers? In a way, I was looking forward to puberty. At least I would be free of this double life I have been thrust into time and time again! So I asked, "When will we be taking pictures and making our recording?"

Lorrie answered by saying, "Angel, we need to make alterations to your gown and we have decided to have Tracy be your direct back-up, so she will have to be fitted and alterations made to her gown as well. The recording we would like to have completed early next week. We will need all of the choir members at the recording studio on Monday morning. You will have your final fitting in what, Helen?"

Helen answered, "I will go home and work on it tonight. I am way to excited to sleep now anyway!" She giggled as did the rest of the ladies and continued, "So, it will be ready for final fitting later on tomorrow. Is that ok for everyone?"

My mother answered, "Angel will be going to the doctor tomorrow morning and should be free then. I am taking some time off from work so I can be here for all of this. I have two weeks vacation and I will be using a week of it. I will take the final week during the competitions." The ladies showed concern when she mentioned the doctor and asked if I was all right. My mother said, "Oh, yes, Angel just needs a thorough going over and with all this I thought that it was the best time to do it."

Everybody was relieved and the banter turned to other things when I asked another question, "Will I still be able to work? I mean I hope this didn't cause me to lose my job at the Russell's, we need the extra money, and I won't sing unless I can work."

WOW! You would have thought I had shot everyone of them! It got real quiet and everybody was staring at me including my mommy! Sylvia quickly jumped in and asked, "Angel, how much were you making working for Cindy?"

I answered her and she said, "Well, I need a model to show my children's line of Jewelry and it pays double that and can lead to even more, how about I hire you as my model? Your mother and you would have to sign a contract so I will have my lawyer draw it up and we will bring it by when it is ready ok?"

Oh Brother! A model? I asked, "I take it I would be a girl model?"

She chuckled and said, "Well, how many boys wear jewelry?"

I looked at my mommy and said, "Mommy, would that be ok? I could still make some money for us and I know we need it. It's not fair that you have to work so hard because daddy doesn't pay his part!"

The other ladies all looked at my mother with those questioning looks they have mastered. Auntie then said, "Angel, you are so sweet and always thinking of others first. I can't believe you are only ten years old." The other ladies voiced the same opinions and Harriet continued, "I think and I believe Julia will agree that the modeling job would be perfect for you. You would not have to get dirty and there won't be any chance of you getting hurt either."

My mommy nodded and said, "Sylvia that is so nice of you, but are you sure about this? I mean that will come to a considerable amount of money."

Sylvia said, "Julia, with that face and those eyes I am the lucky one for being able to hire Angel before the vultures strike! Once Angel is seen and heard the vultures will be out in droves, I am sure."

My mommy said, "Vultures, what do you mean exactly?"

Sylvia answered, "Agents my dear and recording studio representatives not to mention ad agency people. I have no doubt, once Angel is seen and heard she will be number one on their list to be signed, sealed, and delivered. My lawyer who is the best in this state I bet would be happy to have you as a client. But I believe that would be a conflict of interest between my company and you, so he will probably recommend someone to you. Would that be ok? I do believe you should be prepared and having an agent and lawyer is the best way to stay ahead of the vultures."

"Oh my," Harriet said, "I never thought it would get this far so quickly! Julia are you sure about this? I mean Angel has a rare talent and should be shared and enjoyed but this seems to be reaching much higher than just performing for a choir."

My mommy looked at me and asked, "Angel Honey, this could be bigger than any of us has thought about. What do you think about all this?"

I said, "Mommy, I really don't know. One thing is that I am going to take it one-step and one day at a time. They will find out I am a boy and I bet that will stop a lot of them from thinking about hiring me."

I laughed and said, "Just think of what would happen? How would they introduce me?" I laughed some more and the other ladies laughed right along with me.

Everybody relaxed and my Auntie said, "You're right, Angel! But, we should be prepared as Sylvia has mentioned and I bet that would throw off the others as well."

With that said, everybody relaxed and I finished my snack and drink. I was very tired and my mommy took me in her arms, carried me upstairs, and tucked me into bed. She kissed me on the forehead and said she loved me and turned out the light. I was asleep in seconds.

I dreamed and it was very strange! I was a girl and was very popular at school! I was in the school choral group and a cheerleader! I was dressed in the school's cheerleader's costume and was with a bunch of the other cheerleaders when we saw a geek and the girls started making fun of him.

I made them stop and they called me weird and said I had a lot to learn about what it takes to be popular. They said if I didn't show my superiority I would just be one of the girls. I said they could keep their superiority and it was fake that they were no superior to anybody else. Well, they got mad and told me I didn't belong with them and I was officially no longer a cheerleader.

The other part of the dream I was alone and afraid. Still dressed as a girl, but after I had been shunned by the popular crowd. The geeks came by and saw how sad I was and they befriended me. One of the girls just wrapped her arms around me and gave me a hug. I was happy!

I woke up when I heard a noise and saw auntie with a camera. Not again! I guess I was hot and had kicked off my covers because I was not covered by anything. What? What's this? I was hugging a teddy bear! Where had this come from? I woke up smiling, though, and I started to laugh when I saw my nightgown. I got up, gave auntie a hug and a kiss, and went to the bathroom.

My mommy had taught me to pee of course and she had taught me that when using a urinal it was expected that you stood up to pee, but at home or at someone else's house it was always best to sit to pee, no messes or wet seats or floors when you sat. So I always sat to pee when I used the toilet.

My mom walked in on me while I was sitting there and said, "Oh Angel, I am so glad you remember to sit to pee-pee. All the girls have to do that and it will be much easier for you to fit in if you remember that. Just one thing though a girl doesn't stick there hand down there. Keep them on your lap ok?"

I said ok and my mommy said, "Since you had a bath last night you just have to wash up ok?" I said ok again and she continued, "We have to be at the doctors within an hour so shake a leg and we will eat breakfast out after that."

I hurried and was done I headed into the bedroom to put on my boy clothes but they weren't there! I hollered for my mommy and auntie came in instead. I asked her where my boy clothes were and she laughed telling me they would be here in a minute. Whew, I thought I would have to go to my doctor's dressed as a girl! No way!

Auntie helped me out of my nightgown and had me put on another pair of panties. White plain cotton ones thank goodness. I asked her where my boy underpants were and she said, "Honey, I thought you preferred girl's panties. You did say they felt better than your boy underpants."

I said, "Auntie, I am going to my doctors and I don't want her to know about the girl part of me."

My auntie said, "Honey, don't worry so much, I will get you your boy underpants, ok?" I said, "Ok, and thank you, auntie."

She gave me a hug and a kiss and off she went to get my boy clothes, all of them! My mommy came in and noticed I was naked. How could she not notice! She asked me, "Honey, where are your panties?"

I answered, "Mommy, we are going to the doctors so I wanted to wear my boy underpants!"

She said, "OH, ok then, I understand, but I want to check something first, ok?" I said ok and she knelt down in front of me and started touching and looking at my private!

She had a look like something wasn't right so I asked her, "Mommy, what's wrong with me down there?"

She looked up quickly and gave me one of those smiles mothers give you when they aren't going to tell you nothing and said, "Oh it is probably nothing at all, Honey, but just to make sure we are going to see the doctor, ok?"

I said ok and asked, "But mommy what did you see?" She said it was what she didn't see or feel that was bothering her." What? I said, "Is something missing?"

She said, "Honey, it is nothing to worry so much about and no they are not missing they just have not shown themselves yet."

I said, "What haven't shown themselves yet?"

She sighed and that was when Harriet came back in with ALL my boy's clothes. I was happy! Harriet saw the look on Julia's face and asked her what was wrong. My mommy said something about testes not distended yet and auntie came over to me and did the same checking.

I was getting real worried and said, "You are not telling me the truth! Something IS wrong and you don't want me to know!" I ran into the bathroom with my clothes, slammed, and locked the door! I was mad that they would lie to me and I was real worried as well. I felt myself and looked at myself down there real close, but could not find anything different from what I always had seen. I got dressed and just sat there for a minute before I came out.

Both my mommy and auntie came to me hugging and kissing me saying how sorry they were for not telling me everything. My mommy said, "Honey, I just didn't want you to worry too much, but I see I have made matters worse by not telling you. So, here is what it is, I think your little testicles should have dropped down by now. You see they are up inside you in a little pocket and they should have traveled down a little canal and ended up in your little pouch. They haven't done that yet and that is why we are going to see the doctor ok?"

I was a little overwhelmed by this new bit of information but I said ok and we were off to the doctors. Auntie said she had some errands to run and would meet us for lunch at the ice cream and sandwich place we liked.

We were off to the doctors, and to solve my mystery problem of the un-descended testicles! I wondered what could have happened to cause such a thing. I also hoped that I actually had them! What if they weren't inside me to fall? Oh Brother! I decided to just wait and see instead of worrying about it.

All too soon we were there. We went inside and there were a few kids and their mommies with them. We went up to the reception area and signed in letting them know we were there and went back to sit and wait. I looked around and saw a few boys and girls with their mommies. No daddies at all were there. A couple of the kids looked sick but most looked like they were here just for a shot or a check-up. Five kids, three girls and two boys plus me. I looked at my mommy and she patted my knee and said everything was going to be ok.

A girl about my age came up to me, and asked if I would like to play a card game called go fish with her. I knew the game and looked at my mommy for permission and she said ok. We sat on the floor and started to play. The little girl said her name was Wendy and I told her mine. She told me she was stuck here because her brother was sick. Ok, that was good I didn't want to catch anything. I didn't tell her why I was here and then she said, "I love your curls, I wish I had curls like that."

I said, "Curls, what curls?"

She giggled and fluffed the back of my head saying, "These curls silly."

OH NO! Auntie said they would wash out! I said, "Well, they were supposed to wash out but I guess they didn't. I don't have curly hair normally."

She said, "Too bad they look real nice and make you look real pretty."

OH BROTHER! I told her, "That's a pretty dress and your hair looks real nice." She smiled and thanked me. I was glad to change the subject from me to her! I noticed my mommy talking to her mommy.

Wendy then said, "I was here last week." I asked her if she was ok and she said, "Yes, I am now. My boobies really hurt and my nipples got real big, but the doctor said it was a thing called puberty. She gave me some cream to put on them and it helps a lot. My mommy bought me my first bra! I like the way it feels, it helps my boobies not hurt so much."

OH BROTHER, why was she telling ME these things? She then asked, "Do your boobies hurt?"

I said no they didn't bother me at all. She then asked, "Have they started to grow yet?"

OH BROTHER! She thinks I'm a girl! I decided not to make any trouble so I said, "No, not yet they haven't."

She said, "Well, when puberty starts and you look my age so it will be soon they will start growing. First, your nipples will get very sensitive and then they start swelling up little by little and they hurt too! You should remember to ask for that special cream the doctor has."

I said I would and thanked her for the advice when her brother's name was called and off she went with her mommy and little baby brother. Whew, thank goodness!

I picked up, put away the cards, and sat with my mommy again. She gave me a hug and told me that I handled the little girl's questions very well and she was proud of me for just going along. She asked me, "Now, Angel wasn't that much easier than arguing and causing a scene?"

I had to agree with her and did but I also whispered to her, "Mommy, I am not Angel, now, I'm Ricky."

She chuckled and said, "No, Ricky, your name is Angel, and don't worry so, it is a boy's name as well as a girl's name. Ok? I think it will be easier for all of us if we stick to calling you one name. That way we won't call you the wrong name at the wrong time ok?"

I said ok and resigned myself to being called Angel for some time. The time passed slowly as it always does at the doctor's office and finally I heard my name called. They used the name Angel here too! The nurse whose name was Dorothy ushered us into the pink room! Not the pink room! This was for little girls not boys! OH GEEZE!

I mentioned this to Dorothy and she chuckled as did my mommy and she explained, "Oh, Honey, it's ok, the doctor is going to check you over real good and she wants you on this special examination table to do that, ok?"

What could I say? So I said ok and she started undressing me. What is it lately everybody wants to undress me! I am ten years old I can undress myself! But I kept quiet knowing this would only make somebody feel bad if I said something. I was completely naked now and Dorothy lifted me up and put me on the special exam table. She put my feet in these little holders, which spread my legs wide. Then she pushed them in so my knees were bent outward. Boy was this embarrassing! She covered my private area with a little cloth and that was it! GEEZE!

She then shook down a thermometer and I was waiting for her to put it in my mouth when she put Vaseline on the end of it! OH NO! Yes, she then stuck it in my bottom! GEEZE! She held it there while looking at her watch. Then took it out finally and said, "Normal temp that's good. Then she wiped my bottom clean. Then the pulse and counting my breaths and then the BP, she said the doctor would be in shortly and left.

I looked at my mommy and she was trying not to laugh! I gave her a look and then she did laugh! GEEZE!

Dorothy came rushing back in, grabbed me off of the table, and carried me into another room naked! OH GEEZE! Luckily, no one was in the hall! She said to me, "I'm sorry, Angel, I forgot to weigh you and the scale in that room is broken." She put me down and I stood on the scale where she moved a few things on a slide till a little pointer thing pointed to the middle, and then she measured my height.

I had to stand straight with my hands at my sides and my shoulders square. GEEZE! I was exposed so anybody could see me! Thankfully no one did, that done she picked me up again and carried me back.

This time I wasn't so lucky. The lucky part was that my legs were together and my arms and hands were like a V shape, they covered my chest and privates. It was Wendy and her baby brother and her mother! Dr, Purnell was with them, too. OH brother! They all smiled at me! Dorothy put me into the examination things again and didn't bother to cover my privates with a towel this time!

The doctor came in shortly after that and said, "Good morning, Julia, and this is Angel now, I see." Oh brother.

I said, "You can still call me Ricky, Doctor Purnell."

My mommy said, "Marjorie, I hope you don't mind us busting in like this it is just I was concerned and a lot has happened just recently."

Doctor Purnell answered her, "Oh Julia, please we had an open appointment and I knew you were concerned by the tone of your voice on the phone. We will check our little Angel here and see what we can find out ok?"

My mommy said ok and the doctor turned to me and said, "I think the name Angel fits you better than Ricky because you are an angel." Then she said, "Ok Angel, your weight had dropped a little from last time you were here. I am going to give you a thorough going over today so you just lay there and relax, ok?"

I said ok and she began. She checked my eyes and ears, she looked down my throat, felt all around my neck especially the front part and said, "Hmm, now that is something." She then checked under my arms and then squeezed my nipples! OUCH! That hurt! She looked at me with one of those looks and felt around my chest even more! Oh brother! Then it was my tummy and hips. My feet and that tickled!

Then it was real bad! She put on some gloves and smeared Vaseline on the fingers of one hand. My mommy came over and held my hands after receiving a nod from the doctor. Then she put one hand on my belly as she stuck a finger up my bottom! OUCH! She moved her finger all around seemingly trying to find something. I wish she would stop!

Finally she took her finger out took off her gloves and rang for Dorothy. Dorothy came in and she told her to get something for her. Oh brother, I had to poop now! Dorothy came back with a potty chair! Oh, GEEZE!

Doctor said, "Angel we need a sample of your stool so please use this chair, but we need a urine sample to and they can't get mixed up so I have to put this on you ok?"

What could I say? No? I don't think they would listen to that so I said ok and she put this plastic thing over my thingy and tied it around my waist. I sat and pooped in seconds! When I was done, Dorothy cleaned me up! GEEZE! She took the thing off of me because when I pooped I also peed. I guess it almost always ends up that way. They thought so!

My mommy helped me back up on the table and the doctor put my feet in those things again. She started feeling me all over down there. She even tried to stick her fingers up something in the front but it hurt and I hollered. She stopped and frowned saying we needed an x-ray. What? She said an x-ray was like taking a picture but it showed the inside not the outside of your body. WOW! She then did something with my thingy and it tickled a lot! She looked surprised again and asked me if it ever stood straight up or got hard.

What? I said no, and asked, "What's wrong with me?"

She covered me with a sheet and got something from a cabinet. It was a shot! Oh GEEZE! She gave me the shot in my bottom and talked to me for a few minutes until I was very sleepy and I fell asleep. That's all I remembered until I woke up dressed and lying in a small bed with rails up on the sides. I saw a little bell on a table next to me so I jiggled it and Dorothy came in.

She said, "Hello, Angel, welcome back, Honey. Did you have a nice nap?"

I said, "Am I ok? What's wrong with me?"

She said, "You come with me, sweetheart, and the doctor will explain everything to you and your mommy ok?"

I said ok and she let the side rail down and picked me up.

I said, "Dorothy, I can walk."

She said, "No, sweetheart, you just woke up and I don't want you walking around just yet." She carried me into an office and my mommy and the doctor were there and seemed to be waiting for me.

Dorothy put me in my mommy’s lap and the doctor began, "Julia, Angel, what I can tell you right now is that Angel is more girl than boy for right now." (WHAT?!!!!) "The testes have not descended yet because they are not fully formed. I don't know why but I have my suspicions. That is why I took those samples and blood. The other curious thing is that Angel has the very beginnings of breast development. Further, the lack of blood surge to the penis is cause to think of a hormonal shift. The buttocks show some female characteristics, as do the extremities such as hands, fingers, feet, and toes. The facial features as we have known for some time are more feminine and they are developing more toward the feminine side, as Angel is getting older. The biggest sign is the lack of skeletal growth of the throat, the thyroid cartilage. No Adam's apple, as the laymen call it.

"The pelvic mass is not normal for a boy and that concerns me as well. What I am waiting for are the blood tests, which will tell us the levels of each hormone, also the chemical balance Angel is presently going through. The fecal and urine samples are being tested for hormonal content and other areas that can shed further light on Angel's condition. I want you to know this is a very rare case and I know several specialists will want to examine Angel at a future time. For now, I think it best for Angel to live as a girl as much as possible and protect her from those who would think otherwise.

"With that in mind I am preparing letters and appointments in the matters of school and your priest. I will talk to those in charge of such things and see to it that Angel will suffer as little as possible from this turn of events. The good thing about this is that she is still mostly pre-pubescent and complications of the physical manifestations are a ways off yet. I do not want to make this sound to dire or something to just dismiss either. I would like to see you and Angel back here in four days. I have some pills and creams for Angel to take until I see here again. The creams as you know, Julia, are for her nipples and chest area, her groin especially the penis and scrotum. Dorothy showed you how to apply them earlier did she not?"

My mommy just nodded hugging me real close to her. I was waking up more now and felt something funny in my shorts. I also felt something funny on my chest! (WHAT?!!!) OH NO!

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"Be Bop A Lula, she's my baby,
Be Bop A Lula ...don't mean maybe,
Be Bop A Lula, she's my baby doll..." - Gene Vincent

A Life Ever Changing #28

Baby Doll

by Angel O’Hare

I was waking up more now and felt something funny in my shorts. I also felt something funny on my chest! (WHAT?!!!) OH NO!...

My mommy was crying and having just realized what the doctor had said I started crying as well. My mommy just hugged me tighter and tighter as our tears mingled on each other's cheeks.

Dorothy came in with a big bag for us and she saw us crying and said, "Listen you two, this is no time for tears! Now the time for tears is when you get bad news like a fatal illness, as we had to tell someone earlier today! Not this, this is not bad news unless you let it be. Make it right and have some fun! Angel, I know this is something you did not want to hear, but listen to me young lady, to me you were always special, and you are even more special today! Did you know Wendy was telling me about a sweet young girl she met in the waiting room, she told me what you said and it made her feel nice and she told me what she said to you. I wasn't surprised Angel. You are just too sensitive and too gentle to be a boy. You care too much and boys, well, they only really care about themselves and being number one."

Doctor Purnell spoke up, "Dorothy that will be all thank you.

"Julia, you know what to do and it is up to you to make this easy for Angel and yourself. I know how you feel and how you have felt about things in the past. This is what is right and you know it.

"Angel, this is not a big step for you and you know that as well. The surprising part about you is that you have led this double life with grace and poise so uncommon in even adults. I think once you really begin you will have fun and your friends will grow in numbers. If I have heard correctly you are about to be very popular and very successful as the girl you really are. So I send you home to recuperate for two days and then you can go back to what you were doing. One thing I ask is you save a set of tickets to your first recital for me!"

She chuckled then came over to us and picked me up. She gave me a big smile, a hug and a kiss on the lips! She walked with me in her arms to her desk and set me on it. She opened a drawer and took out a little package. She said, "This is my favorite scent in the whole world. It comes from Paris and you use an atomizer with it. You can pick one up at this store,” and she handed me an envelope with my name on it "Angel O'Hare" and it was from a very fancy store in the city. I know because my mommy and auntie talked about it, how expensive everything was there.

She continued, "You are a very special girl, Angel, and the people in this store want to see you and I think you will have a lot of fun when you get there. You have an appointment three days from now at nine a.m. sharp! Don't worry, they will be picking you and your mommy up and taking you home again. Your auntie can go, too if she wants."

She chuckled again probably knowing Harriet wouldn't miss any of this for the world! She picked me up and handed me over to my mommy as she was standing now too.

I said, "Thank so very much doctor. I will try to be the bestest girl for mommy and everybody." She smiled and my mommy hugged and kissed me. We left then and my mommy still had tears in her eyes so I asked, "Why are you still crying mommy?"

She said, "Angel, you have made me the happiest mommy in the whole wide world! What you said to the doctor has made me realize how very special you really are."

I said, "Oh mommy I'm not that special, I'm just me."

She laughed, smiled, and said, "Angel that you are!"

My mommy stopped at the desk to borrow the phone and called Harriet. She was home so my mommy told her we wouldn't be going to our little restaurant, that I was too groggy. My mommy said she would be at Harriet's in a few minutes and had to explain a few things to her. Then we left. It was I sat in the car, I really started becoming more aware of things.

I felt funny in my chest so I felt it and noticed I had something on it so I lifted up my shirt and there were two bandages on my boobies! I looked at my mommy and asked, "Why do I have these bandages, mommy?"

She answered, "Honey, the doctor gave you a shot in each one and Dorothy and I spread this cream on you. Those are to prevent the cream from coming off on your shirt. When we get home we will change you into a nice comfortable bra, ok?"

I said ok, knowing that I was to be a girl full time now and that was part of it. Then I felt my pants and asked, "Mommy what am I wearing down here?"

She answered, "Honey, you need cream spread there for today and tomorrow. We have to put it on three more times today and four times tomorrow and then you don't need it there anymore. Until then you have to wear something that keeps it there and you can't use a toilet because you will smear it all over the seat. Only you can have this on you because it will make others sick if they get it on them, so I'm afraid it's diapers for you for two days."

I said, "Oh no, mommy, I don't want to have to wear diapers!"

She answered, "Honey, it's just for two days and you will be staying with auntie. I just have to run home and set Jerry up with a babysitter for two more days and I will be right back ok?"

I resigned myself to the fact and said, "Ok, mommy." She smiled and we arrived back at auntie's house.

My mommy brought the bag, a big bag of supplies in the house after telling me to wait in the car. She was gone for about ten minutes and auntie came back out with her. Auntie picked me up and mommy kissed me and said she would be back and then she got in the car and drove away.

Auntie carried me in the house and laid me on the kitchen table. I saw the bag had been partially emptied and there lay the darn diapers and a pair of pink plastic panties with teddy bears printed on them. There was a tube of cream and a jar with the lid off that had a white thick cream in it. I saw one of my new bras and a different teddy bear nightgown, this one was pink not white. My auntie undressed me right there on the kitchen table and said, "Angel, we will just get you ready and then we can spend some time just relaxing and talking ok?"

I said, "Ok, auntie, I have a few questions now."

She said, "I bet you do, Honey, and I will answer as many of them I can and don't worry, sweetheart, I will be as truthful as I can, ok?"

I said ok and soon I was down to just the chest bandages and my diapers. I noticed I only had two diapers on and a pair of clear plastic panties. That's why my shorts still fit me.

Auntie slipped a rubber sheet with pictures of funny ducks on it under my bottom and then she took off the plastic panties and my diapers. She also peeled off the chest bandages. She washed her hands saying, "Damn, I forgot the gloves!" She dried her hands real good added some powder to them and put on a pair of rubber gloves.

She then washed my chest gently but real good using some stuff out of another jar. Then she dried my chest and smeared this creamy stuff all over them rubbing it in gently and very softly. She put some round cloth pads on them and had me sit up. Then she put my new bra on me and had me lie back down. That cream really tingled and her applying that cream made my nipples get hard and pointy, they were sore at first, but then they got numb and just tingled.

Auntie had me stand up and cleaned me real good using warm water and that stuff out of the jar. She dried me by patting me and had me lie down on the pad again. She put together FOUR big diapers and THREE smaller ones she folded and put right in the middle of the big ones. She had me raise my bottom as she slid these diapers under me.

Then she scooped out a big gob of the cream from another jar and smoothed it all over my private and scrotum. My little private tingled and shrunk almost going completely inside of me. Only a very little peeked out! My scrotum tingled a lot as well and shrunk tight against me. It looked like I didn't have anything at all down there! Just a teeny part of my penis and my scrotum was just a puffy lump with two sides to it! It parted in the middle! IT TINGLED A LOT!

Auntie then sprinkled powder all over my bottom and front. Then she drew up the diapers tightly and pinned them. Next, she slipped the plastic panties on me and had me stand up. She pulled them up and over the diapers tucking the edges of the diapers inside the plastic panties. Next, my nightgown, wow, I really tingled on my chest and down there!

She took off her gloves and washed her hands real good again. She lifted me up giving me a hug and a big kiss and told me she loved me very much. I smiled and told her I loved her to and said, "Auntie, thank you for taking care of me."

She hugged me some more and sat me down on the chair and said, "Guess what I have for you Angel?" I asked her what and she said, "Strawberry Supreme!" OH WOW! MY FAVORITE of FAVORITES!

I sat in the kitchen eating my favorite dessert in the whole world, watching Auntie pick up and clean up. It felt funny sitting on those big puffy diapers! After just a few mouthfuls, I started feeling woozy. I said, "Auntie, I am getting real dizzy and my tummy doesn't feel so good."

Auntie quickly scooped me up in her arms, carried me upstairs, and put me to bed. It was way early to go to bed but I felt real bad and auntie gave me some yucky thick stuff to drink. She told me it would make my tummy feel better so I drank it. YUCK! Just a few minutes later my tummy felt a lot better and soon I was asleep. The last thing I saw and felt was auntie stroking my head smiling.

I was in a dreamless sleep when I felt myself being lifted and carried. I slowly woke to see my mommy holding me and bringing me downstairs. She laid me down on the kitchen table and said, "It's ok Sweetheart, mommy just needs to put fresh creams on you."

I said, "Mommy I have to go pee-pee."

She answered, "Well, honey, than you just go ahead and pee-pee alright?"

I remembered then that I had to use the diapers to pee! Oh brother! GEEZE! I really don't know why but I just couldn't go. My mommy went to the sink and ran the water. It didn't take long after I heard that! Boy did I pee! When I lay back and relaxed, she just smiled and I heard other voices coming from the living room. I wondered who else was here.

My mommy had me sit up as she pulled my nightgown off, then she removed my bra. She then put on a pair of rubber gloves and removed the bandages. She started cleaning off my chest and I noticed something different! They were a lot puffier! My nipples looked swollen, bigger, and red! Just then, I saw whom I only heard seconds ago! The ladies came into the kitchen! Oh Brother! GEEZE!

There was Auntie of course, Lorrie, Helen, Sylvia, Greta, and Cindy! GEEZE! They all came in to see me! They each came up and gave me a kiss on my super red cheek! I was embarrassed and said, "Um, My mommy is going to be changing me." Each of the women in turn said, "It's ok, Angel, we have changed many a diaper and we want to let you know we are all in this with you. Don't be embarrassed, Honey."

Sylvia said, "Honey, Sweetheart, you are going to be modeling for me and we have already seen everything you have, dear, so why are you so embarrassed?"

I said, "It just feels funny having people here seeing me get my diapers changed and stuff."

Mrs. Russell said, "Angel, we are here to support you and be with you dear." With that, each touched me in some way. Auntie held one of my hands and Greta held my other one. Helen kissed my cheek again and stroked my head. Mrs. Russell decided to help my mommy and folded the diapers getting them ready. Lorrie held the bandages for my mommy in one hand and a new bra for me in the other. I guess everybody wanted to help. Instead of being more embarrassed I started to relax. These ladies really cared about me!

My mommy started too very softly, rub more of the medicine on my chest and nipples. Oh, they really tingled and puckered up then! I actually felt them tighten and the tingling got even more intense! I even felt it in my hidden penis! The tingles shot right through me! Oh my! My mommy said, "Marjorie said she was very concerned about the thickness of the fluid behind Angel's nipples, it was causing pressure and pain in the area when they were just squeezed lightly. This cream is working well and doing what it is supposed to do."

All the ladies looked but didn't touch thank goodness! Auntie said, "Oh yes, they look like the fluid is thinning and they have a more uniform fullness now." Oh brother!

My mommy took a pad from Lorrie and placed it gently on one breast and then put the other pad on. Lorrie put my bra on me and hooked it in the back and I felt two sets of hands lower me back down.

It was diaper-changing time and I had just wet a lot! It was funny but these ladies made me feel better now, I was no longer embarrassed. I just lay there as mommy lifted my feet by my ankles and auntie pulled my plastic panties down. I noticed she was wearing a pair of rubber gloves too. My mommy let me back down and auntie removed the plastic panties sliding them down, off my legs and over my feet. My diapers were real wet! My mommy unpinned them, pulled them away, and down.

I sat up a little to see what had changed down there and boy had it changed! Wow! I couldn't even see the tip of my penis anymore! There was a small hole with just the tiniest piece of my penis peeking out. My scrotum was really puffy and it looked like two halves tight together and it was red, real red and sensitive!

I remembered how weird it felt to pee. I felt it all flowing everywhere and it was hot. Now, down there was feeling cold, being exposed to the air. My mommy pulled the diapers out and just slipped one under me. She then very gently and softly washed me up real good.

I felt it very strongly! The tingling returned real intense and came in waves. With each touch sent another wave from down there to my nipples, then inside me and down again! Oh MY! I can't take this! I tried to squirm and I felt hands holding me down. I bucked and tried to move my hips and auntie held me down by my hips! Oh MY! OH MY! My mommy said, "It's ok, darling, we know how sensitive it must feel, you just try and relax ok, and let mommy clean you off and then the new cream will numb you up again and you will feel much better."

I tried to relax, but the sensations were now coursing through my whole body like a pulse beat going from mild to pounding! OH MY! When my mommy took a cotton tipped applicator and moved it around inside that little hole where my penis was hidden, I practically jumped off the table! I was glad all the ladies were holding me down! This time the waves all came together and I almost fainted!

Finally, she was applying the new cream! Oh, tingle and numbness! I don't think I could take that again, but I knew I had more changes and cleanings ahead. OH MY! My mommy said, "No more powder, that was very hard to clean out and I don't think Angel can take such a lengthy cleaning again."

Auntie said, "I am so sorry Angel, I forgot about not putting powder on you. I won't do it again." I couldn't talk yet! I felt the new diapers being pulled up and pinned tightly against me. Oh, thank goodness! Next, a pair of yellow plastic panties with ponies wearing ribbons on them. Helen had a yellow nightgown that was very light and you could see right through it. It came with a pretty robe, which tied with a ribbon just below my neck. Mrs. Russell picked me up in her arms and let me rest my head on her shoulder.

* * * * *

PRESENT TIME

"So it was you Doctor Purnell who actually were the first to force a change in me physically. I know you realize what you had done, because you are here now helping me once more. What I do not realize is why the strong intervention? Why was I so utterly changed at such a young age? I adapted then willingly after I realized I had no real choice. My desire as a child was to make people happy and not make them mad or sad by anything I had done or failed to do. My decisions then as they are today, are mostly based on what I can do for others. Does this make me female? Does this attitude make me unable to survive as a male in this world? Everything does change eventually; will the world change enough to accept me as I am?"

Doctor Purnell looked at me and smiled saying, "Rachel, all those questions can and will be answered by you when you realize a few more things. Why don't you continue your story and see for yourself?"

I looked at Grace, she just nodded urging me to go on, and so I did.

* * * * *

Update!!!!!!!

While all this was going on upstairs, the happenings downstairs were getting very interesting as well. Barb was becoming very impatient and it was all that the others could do to keep her calm and quieted. So, they began telling her the stories they knew, some I had not remembered yet, still buried deep within me. That is why I was here now. To face my memories and get them all out in the open and keep nothing hidden. The reason? Oh yes, read on dear readers and you will find out!

* * * * *

It was then that Mrs. Russell began to sing to me and it was wonderful! She had a beautiful voice! She continued to hold me and sing to me while walking around the first floor. First in one room and then another, she sang and walked telling me stories with song. First about a caterpillar that was always doing nice things for others but was being called names and picked on by everyone else until one day he was gone only to return later as a beautiful butterfly. It was a nice story and the song was both one of sorrow and gladness. She continued and sang a song about a little boy who was just like the caterpillar. He too, did a lot of nice things for people and his family. He also was picked on and hurt by others until he to disappeared one day. Only to return later as a beautiful little girl who could fill everyone with joy by just singing and being herself. The stories were sung, heard, and finally understood by me. I sat up in her arms and gave her a big hug and a kiss! I understood! I just hoped it were really true!

I was feeling better now even though it was late. I was hungry and thirsty so I asked auntie if I could have a snack and something to drink. They all decided that we would go out to eat. It wasn't that late after all and we could go out to a nice restaurant and have a good meal and not worry about cooking and the cleanup afterwards. I looked at them and said, "But I still have to wear these diapers, I can't go out like this."

My mommy said, "Honey, you have something in your new wardrobe that you can wear that will hide the diapers and that nobody would know besides us. Why don't we take you upstairs and get you ready ok?"

I said, "Ok, but I won't go if my diapers show!"

They laughed and brought me upstairs and found the perfect outfit. It was a party dress that was cut real full in the skirt and you needed at least two petticoats for it. My mommy said we would only need one because the puffy diapers would act like the other one. They all chuckled, but I had to admit they were right. You couldn't see my diapers or even tell by just looking. I would have to be careful when sitting down and while outside I will have to make sure to hold the sides of the skirt so any wind wouldn't blow up my dress exposing my diapers. I was really worried about that!

I noticed my chest was sticking out further than it had been, well, further naturally; the padded bras and that one really padded bra made me stick out there more than this. I had extra padding the bandages on each breast added. It was not much, but enough to make you wonder why a young girl with small breasts would be wearing a party dress seemingly for someone younger. I looked more like twelve or thirteen definitely not ten!

I mentioned this to Lorrie and she came up with a solution, a different dress! I was changed once more in an older outfit. It was a little dressier than a young girl's party dress and with one crinoline; it looked great and covered the diapers even better. This dress was longer and my breasts looked the part.

I was done up a little more than usual as well, with mascara and eye shadow just little light touches around my eyes. A light coating of lipstick, a few rings, earrings, and my "Pretty-Girl" necklace, my hair done by Harriet and needed just a little brushing and an all over coating of hairspray. A little dab of perfume and my purse, we were ready to go.

We started outside and Harriet's neighbor must have been watching out for us (or me). She came out and did a walk around saying how beautiful I was, even more beautiful than before. She saw I was wearing the necklace she gave me and lit up with a huge smile. She gave me a hug and a kiss and wished us all a good evening. She was very nice and she did give me some nice things without any hesitation either.

So I ran up to her and gave her a hug and a kiss back thanking her warmly for her gifts to me. I must have made her night, because she practically floated back into her house as happy as a woman can be. My mommy hugged and said, "Oh Angel, that was so nice of you. You have made her very happy." With that said this time, we were really on our way!

They took two cars so we could fit comfortably, my mommy, Harriet, Cindy and I, in one car and Lorrie, Greta, Sylvia and Helen in the other. Sylvia drove her car, which was a very nice big, long, black one. We followed her to the restaurant and pulled into the parking lot nearby.

We all gathered in the parking lot and they decided we should go as a group and be seated together. It was after the normal dinner rush and the usual dinner patrons had long since finished so we were almost assured a large table. We all walked in together and a nice old man wearing a funny looking black suit stood behind a little desk with long legs. He saw Greta and said, "Mrs. Greta Dill what a pleasure it is to see you again." Then he noticed the other ladies and said, "Well with this assembly it must be a very special occasion Mrs. Cindy Russell, Mrs. Lorrie Gilmore, Mrs. Helen Whitmore, and Miss. Sylvia Greene."

Greta took over then and introduced us, "Mrs. Harriet Page and Mrs. Julia O'Hare and her daughter Miss Angel O'Hare. George, we are celebrating the selection of our new very beautiful and very talented soloist, Miss Angel O'Hare."

He shook hands with everyone and then bent down to me and said, "Well, my beautiful little one, if Greta says you are very talented you must be something. It is an honor to have you here and if you need anything just ask for George." He took my hand raised to his lips and kissed it!

I said, "Thank you very much, sir, I am sure I will like it here."

He chuckled and whispered into Greta's ear and she gave him a funny look and then said, "All of our meals and anything we wish?"

He laughed and said, "Within reason, please Greta!"

They both laughed and Greta informed us what they had discussed. She said, "It seems George has a few very important patrons here this evening and he was wondering if Angel would grace his establishment with singing a song here for all the patrons."

I noticed that the place was almost full, but a few empty tables were scattered here and there. I also saw a few waiters putting two tables together that must be for us. I then heard music and saw a small orchestra off to one side on a little stage. There were six of them and they sounded like they were tuning up.

Greta continued, "George has offered to serve us anything we wish if Angel would sing just one song."

George chuckled again and said, "Please Greta, anything within reason."

They both laughed and everybody looked at me! GEEZE! I looked at my mommy and she just said, "It is up to you Honey, you decide." Oh Brother!

I saw the looks in all their faces and just knew I had to sing. I said yes to George and he clapped his hands hard twice. Two waiters and a waitress instantly surrounded us. They showed us to our seats and gave us each menus. Oh, I should mention they pronounced George as Jorge.

The menu was in a language I didn't understand so my mommy said she would pick something she knew I liked. I noticed a very nice piano was being moved next to the stage, Mrs. Russell stood up and held my hand, and we walked over to the stage area. COOL! I knew Mrs. Russell played really well and sang well too! She whispered to me that the musicians here were very talented and we would sing "Here I Am." Oh GEEZE!

She spoke to the men in the orchestra and there was a lady too, she played a violin. George stood on the stage and made a coughing noise a couple of times with his hands raised high. Everybody there stopped talking and looked at him. He said, "We have a wonderful treat for all of you tonight, a surprise that you will remember for some time to come. Mr. and Mrs. Alan (Our mayor and his wife.) I know you will be especially delighted. May I introduce to you our one and only Mrs. Cindy Russell of our national champion choir as our pianist tonight and the protégé of Mrs. Greta Dill, the newest choir member and soloist, Miss Angel O'Hare! Who will sing for you "Here I Am."

OH GEEZE! He helped me up on the stage as applause sounded through the room. The little orchestra began and then so did Mrs. Russell. I smiled and took a few breaths and went within to find my voice and song. The next thing I remember is seeing people standing up and clapping hollering encore, encore! Mr. and Mrs. Allan I saw were at the table talking to Greta and the others.

My mommy was walking toward me so I smiled at everybody and said thank you and ran off the stage and into my mommy's arms. The orchestra was shaking hands with and talking to Mrs. Russell and George was also at our table. Everybody had big smiles, then the applause died down and one by one they came by our table, said a few words to the ladies and then thanked me for a beautiful performance. OH GEEZE! I was redder than ever! My mommy was so proud and happy though, it was worth it.

Mrs. Allan gave me a hug and a big kiss and said, "The name Angel fits you well, child. You glow when you sing and everybody feels your heart as they hear your beautiful voice. Oh, and I just love your eyes they sparkle so!" She gave me another kiss and hug before they went back to their table.

George was in Heaven. He came over and said, "I changed my mind, you can have anything you wish." He kissed both my hands then saying, "Child you are surely blessed, everyone was telling me how they had felt every note and their skin tingled as you sang. Your eyes captured everyone and your glow warmed the room. That last note you held for so long you have left me in awe, little one. You will never need a reservation in my establishment, but please call ahead, ok?" He chuckled, kissed both my hands again, and left.

I looked at the ladies and they were all smiling at me and shaking their heads. Lorrie and Helen had tears in their eyes! GEEZE!

Well, we tried to eat, but people just kept coming over until George came back to run interference so we could eat in peace. Mrs. Russell said, "Julia, you have made the right decision and you should no longer question it." My mommy smiled real big and just nodded. What decision I wondered?

We ate, we joked, and I got to drink some wine that tasted wonderful! They called it Don something. It was very good! The ladies were talking about leaving a very nice tip for the excellent service we had received from the waiters and waitress when all three came forward and said, "No tip is necessary we were tipped better than we have ever been earlier."

They each came over to me, the boys kissed my hand, and the girl gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek. GEEZE! We got up to leave and heard people calling my name so mommy told me to smile and wave. I did and said thank you as we left.

Everybody was very happy as we each got into the cars and left for Harriet's house. I felt tired and I had to pee again! Oh brother!

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"...we all lose our charms in the end.
But...Diamonds are a girl's best friend." - Monroe/Styne&Robin

A Life Ever Changing #29

Diamonds

by Angel O’Hare

Everybody was very happy as we each got into the cars and left for Harriet's house. I felt tired and I had to pee again! Oh brother!...

I sat in front again with auntie my mommy and Cindy were sitting in the back. Cindy said, "Harriet we need to stop at Helen's place. Since Angel is up, we could finish the gown alterations tonight and maybe push the schedule up a bit. Tracy will be there and we thought that we could get them both done at the same time."

I asked her, "Mrs. Russell, if Tracy is to be my back-up won't she hurt her voice if she isn't ready to sing yet? I don't want her to get hurt just because of me."

Cindy laughed and said, "Oh Angel, you are such a sweetheart. We don't think you will need a back up dear one. This will give Tracy a chance to be in the recitals and competitions even though she isn't ready yet."

I said, "How can that be?"

Cindy answered, "A back up is someone who is ready to take over for you in case you need it."

Harriet my mommy and I said, "OH!" All at the same time and we all giggled together too!

Mrs. Russell continued, "The choir voted as a whole that Tracy should get the position. Angel, you will find that the girls are more like a family than just a choir. They do a lot of things together as you will soon find out. They always decide things as a group and no one decides things without consulting them and that includes Greta and me."

Wow, I thought that this was great. Adults usually decide everything for the kids and then tell them what they will do. I was happy about this, we could all be in on the decisions, and we would be an actual part of everything!

We saw Sylvia zoom by in her big black car. She tooted the horn and motioned for us to follow them, so we did. Harriet started laughing and said, "Boy, Sylvia should have been a race car driver. She is going twice the speed limit!"

My mommy said, "Angel, Honey, fasten your seat belt, dear!"

I did and everybody was happy, sort of, my mommy looked nervous but Harriet was having fun keeping up with Sylvia. We saw Sylvia's car slow down and pull onto a side street and then into a long driveway. We followed and parked next to her. Helen had a real big house! It was huge and had another smaller house attached to it. There were several cars parked next to the smaller house. We all gathered and walked toward the smaller house.

I asked Helen, "Who lives in that huge house?"

Everybody giggled then and Helen answered, "That's my house, Angel, this other one is my place of business. I only do private fittings and I design clothing for each person as close to what they want as I can. So you see I don't need a shop in the city." All the ladies chuckled at that one. I found out later that she did have a very exclusive shop in the city, but she let others run it for her. She wanted to just do her own thing and could afford to.

We entered the smaller house (Actually, it was as big as my house!) and I saw Tracy and two other girls from the choir in various stages of being dressed and undressed by two other young women who must work for Helen. I hoped they didn't want me to, I was still wearing my diapers!

I must have looked worried because Helen said to me, "Angel, we will finish up with these girls first. Your gown needs something special and we will wait until the other girls have left, ok?"

She chuckled when I sighed and said, "Thank goodness!"

I saw that the other girls were only wearing their bras and panties now when Tracy ran over to me and gave me a hug and a kiss. The other girls did as well. I guess they weren't embarrassed me seeing them like that, so I smiled and hugged and kissed them back.

Tracy grabbed my hand and pulled me over to where her dress was hanging. It was real pretty! It also had sheer shoulders, was a lighter shade of pink than the other girls' dresses and the veil was shorter than mine was but longer than the other girls' veils. One of the young helpers working for Helen helped Tracy put on some funny thin socks like nylons and slip on a pair of high heels. She had Tracy stand on a little platform and then Tracy unhooked and removed her bra! She said, "Here Angel, hold this for me while I put the strapless one on."

My mommy coughed and the ladies giggled and so did the other girls from the choir. I looked at Tracy, smiled and took her bra and held it for her. She had little boobies, but they were bigger than mine were. She was handed the strapless bra and she put it on hooking it in front and twisting it around her back and then pulled it up over her small breasts.

One of the helpers looked at her closely and asked the other helper for two lifters. What? The other girl came back with two half moon shaped pads and the girl with Tracy lifted first on breast and then the other slipping each pad into Tracy's bra. WOW! You could now see Tracy's breasts better. They sort of pushed up and together the top part of her breast showed out of the bra! Tracy had a big smile on her face, pulled her shoulders back, and stood up straighter. Everybody giggled and Helen said, "Girls just love to show off their breasts." And she laughed shaking her head.

One of the other girls, her name was Ashley, called me over to see her dress. Janet, the other girl from the choir was with her. Now Ashley had nice breasts the biggest of all the girls and Janet's were about the same as mine. They were still wearing their bras and panties as Ashley grabbed my hand and pulled me over to her dress. It was real pretty and was like all the other girls in the choir dresses. The only thing different was, hers had to be let out in the breast area she told me. She held it up and it was a darker pink than Tracy's dress. It was made of shiny satin and had a lacy sash for it. There was a pair of matching high heels as well. All the dresses came with gloves, veils, and tiaras.

The other helper had Ashley slip on a pair of those nylon socks and the heels. Ashley then stood on another little platform as the helper handed her a different bra to wear. OH GEEZE! Ashley just reached behind her, unhooked, and then slipped her bra off handing it to me. Oh Brother! She had real nice breasts. I heard Tracy mumble something and I looked at her. Tracy looked over to Ashley and said, "Wow, Ashley, they grew even more than last month at the sleep over! You have the prettiest breasts out of the whole choir."

Ashley answered, "Tracy your breasts are very pretty as well, you will catch up sooner than you think."

I said, "You both are very beautiful, I only have very little breasts." I saw Janet and she looked sad so I went over, hugged, and kissed her saying, "Janet you are very beautiful as well. Your breasts will be growing bigger soon but mine will always be very small."

Janet hugged me and said, "Oh Angel, you are the sweetest girl and we all love you very much. Yours will grow you wait and see. They look bigger to me now than they did when you sang with us."

I said, "No Janet, these are bandages under my bra that just make them look bigger for another day. Then I don't need the medicine cream on them anymore and they will be real small again."

My mommy came over seeing that I was a little sad and hugged me. She said, "Angel, Honey, you just have to wait a little while like all the other girls do. You are only ten years old and many ten-year old girls don't even have the breasts you do."

Janet said, "Let me see Angel, show us!"

I had to tell them so I did. I said, "I need to have the medicine cream down here as well (I motioned to below my waist.) I need to wear diapers until tomorrow night or the next morning."

All three girls said, "So?"

My mommy looked at me and I asked her to help me undress. Everybody was happy then. Soon I was just standing there in my bra and plastic panties and diapers. Janet took her bra off and my mommy helped me by unhooking mine and very slowly removing it. The three girls all came over close to me as my mommy peeled one of my bandages off.

It was covered with the cream, but the white color had turned to clear so it looked like I had this clear gooey stuff on it. You could see my nipple and the swollen area around it well enough though. My nipple was real red and so was the skin around it, the skin just slightly less red. Janet came right up close to me, pulled her shoulders back, and told me to do the same so I did.

Janet said, "Angel, yours are as big as mine and I am twelve." I looked at her breasts and then down at my one breast and she was right! Where as before just my nipples had stuck out now my whole breast was raised and puffy!

My mommy grabbed Janet before she could give me the hug she had wanted to give me and said, "Girls, this cream is powerful medicine and we all have to be very careful not to get any of it on us or we will get sick."

Janet jumped back and we all giggled. My mommy gently put the bandage back and Helen helped me put my bra back on. My mommy went and scrubbed her hands in the sink real good. Helen gave me a little robe to put on and then the girls all hugged me. It was only the second time I had seen a girl's breasts but this time they were not embarrassing for me to see anymore and I was happy. Ashley's breasts bounced and swayed as she walked and got back up on her platform. Janet’s breasts jiggled a little as she bounced back toward her area.

I just sat in a chair and watched them all get fitted and when they were, wow! They were beautiful and I told them so. The girls had wanted to stay to see me fitted, but Helen said that she had promised that she would have them all home by ten o'clock and it was almost that now. So they changed back into their clothes, having me hand them their bras, as they needed them. We hugged, kissed, and said goodbye and they left with one of Helen's helpers who would be driving them home.

It was my turn now and I didn't remember seeing auntie leave but she must have because I just saw her coming back in holding a bag. Oh GEEZE! I had wet and did need to be changed, so I guess it would be now! Sure enough, my mommy came over and took off my little robe I was wearing and removed my bra. She put on a pair of gloves from the bag and auntie laid down the ducky pad on the floor.

My mommy asked me if I had to pee-pee and I said I had just gone a little while ago and she smiled. They all smiled, even the young helper that was still there! She had come over to watch! Helen scooted her away, having her get all the items they would need for my formal fitting. She had me sit on the ducky pad and she kneeled down in front of me. She cleaned the old cream of but didn't put new stuff on. She told me they would after the fitting.

Helen's girl helper, who said she was called Elaine, put a strapless bra on me which was padded so I was about as big as Tracy, maybe a little more but not as big as Ashley. My mommy had me lay down and she removed my plastic pants and then the diapers. She used a wet soft cloth on me and cleaned me off real good again. She dried me of and they gave me some panties to wear. OH COOL! These were very soft and silky and fit real loosely except for the waist. Sylvia who was standing close by said softly to auntie, "Looks like she won't need a control brief any more." (I heard her though and wondered what she had meant by saying that.) Auntie said, "One more full day of whatever that stuff is and no one could tell unless they looked very close indeed."

Helen and Elaine had me put on those funny nylon socks and the high heels. Helen told me to be very careful because these had a four-inch heel. She said I needed the little extra boost in height for the dress, the three-inch heals had allowed the back of the dress to drag when I was walking in it.

Oh brother! I could kill myself! They had tiny pointy heels! I would have to be extra careful when walking in these things. They were very pretty and dainty looking though. They went with everything else better than the three-inch block type heeled ones I had worn before. They had me walk around the room several times my mommy and Greta held an elbow of each arm as I walked until I could do it well on my own.

I started to giggle when auntie wolf whistled at me as I went by her wiggling my bottom because of the way I had to walk. Helen kept repeating over and over, "Place one foot directly in front of the trailing foot. Shoulders back, head held high, chin up, smile that's my Angel, good girl!" OH BROTHER! I decided to have a little fun and really exaggerated the hip wiggle, everybody including me started laughing, and that was enough of my walking practice.

Auntie came over and pinched my bottom saying, "What are you doing later sweetheart?" Everybody started giggling again and it was a real fun time for all of us. I was so happy!

Now everybody got serious as I had to stand on the little platform and first the petticoats and then the dress were put on me. Everybody joined in doing something and nobody was left out. Sylvia had a little case that held the jewelry for my costume and waited her turn to help me. Auntie also had a case that had make-up and hair-stuff at the ready. Lorrie and Greta both had cameras and Greta was screwing hers on a tripod. Cindy was handing items to Elaine who was either handing them to Helen or putting them on me herself.

That was when the other helper girl came walking in. (Her name was Judy.) She said, "Oh my, what a beauty!" I blushed and lowered my head.

Helen lifted my chin up and said, "From now on young lady when someone pays you a compliment like that you hold your head up and look right at them and say thank you, ok?" I nodded and she continued, "You are very beautiful and you have to stop hiding your beauty. You always like to share things and do things for others well you have to share your beauty as well. It's ok to be a little shy with strangers, but you must be confident in yourself. That confidence is what carries the day in competition as well as in life."

Wow, what a lecture, I looked around, everybody was smiling, and my mommy said, "Honey she's right you know. You have to stop hiding all the time. You are Angel O'Hare and you are now the wonderful and beautiful soloist for a national champion choir. You can't be hiding anymore. The girls that were just here hid nothing from you and showed their trust in you. You have to do the same now ok?"

I said, "Ok mommy, I think I understand. It's just that this is all new to me and I get scared sometimes. I never had real friends before. I have had to hide to keep from getting hurt and beat up all the time. I had to keep by myself and be alone. That's why I always love to get home or go to auntie's house. I can be myself and be loved for being me. I could never do that anywhere else. I always had to be on guard and when I wasn't I always ended up being hurt or made fun of, even by some of my teachers at school and some adults that had me work for them. I promise to try real hard to do what you are asking ok?"

I was group hugged then and Helen was crying. I looked at Helen and said, "I'm sorry I made you cry! I promise to try real hard and be proud of who I am and stop hiding, ok?"

Helen hugged me real hard and she said, "Oh no, Honey! You didn't make me cry! I just had no idea how hard your life has been for you and how cruel people can really be to a child as sweet as you! Don't you be sorry, I'm the one who should be sorry I didn't stop to think how your young life has been, I promise you one thing right here and now! Anybody who tries to hurt you again will have to answer to all of us and that I know includes the whole choir ok?"

I smiled and gave her a big hug and a big kiss on her cheek and said, "Thank you, you make me feel so special and I love you." She started crying again! GEEZE! All the ladies gave me a hug and a kiss saying the same thing Helen did and I felt really happy! I hugged and kissed each one back and thanked them telling them I loved them too and they all said they loved me. I really believed them and I was on top of the world! Even Elaine and Judy got in hugs and kisses.

Everybody got down to the business at hand, my costume, and appearance! Once my dress was buttoned up, Helen made a few more marks on it and pinned it in a few places. They took it off of me and that is when the real fun started! They used the veil and tiara to check to find the best position for it on my head.

When they all decided on a good position, Harriet took over with a vengeance! She was talking to everybody but me! She was asking them all sorts of questions and making a bunch of suggestion while playing with my hair. They decided I needed a fall, whatever that was. I only knew it would add length and more fullness to the back of my head and go real well with the veil and tiara. That's what they said about it anyway.

Next, the make-up, wow! Harriet did a number on me with all that stuff! When she was done and stepped away all the ladies gasped! The cameras were clicking and I said, "Hey, I'm not wearing any clothes!"

They all chuckled and Greta told me she was only taking pictures of my face, but Lorrie turned a little red and said, "I'm sorry Angel, I got carried away. Don't worry though my son is a photographer and has his own dark room, he will develop these for me. Nobody else will see them besides us, ok?"

I said ok, but I was still not happy about somebody having pictures of me just wearing a bra, panties and high heels! Greta had me pose my face certain ways as she took a few more pictures and Lorrie didn't take any more pictures.

Sylvia and Cindy came next. Cindy helped me put on the gloves and Sylvia put a diamond ring on my finger and said, "Every bride has to have a pretty engagement ring." GEEZE! That diamond really was pretty and there were little diamonds all around the sides of the ring.

She bent down and put anklets (that's what she called them), around both my ankles. "They are white-gold, like the ring," she said. They looked very pretty.

Then came the choker, funny name for it because it didn't choke me at all. She used the white one with the clear pink stones. I cold feel the loose end going down the back of my neck.

Then came earrings and Sylvia said that clip-on earrings just wouldn't do. She asked Judy to bring her a few ice cubes and all the ladies got excited.

I asked, "What do you need ice cubes for Sylvia?"

Sylvia chuckled and said, "It's auntie Sylvia, to you, young lady!"

I said I was sorry and repeated my question-saying auntie Sylvia this time. The other ladies all told me to call them auntie as well. I liked that and smiled saying, "Oh boy, I have lots of houses I can go to now and be safe!"

Auntie Harriet asked me after all the chuckles had died down, "Honey, so you always felt that coming to auntie's house meant you were safe and loved?"

I said, "Oh yes, auntie! I always love to go to your house! I know you love me and nothing bad has ever happened to me at your house."

She hugged me carefully so she didn't mess up my make up and said, "Honey, you make me feel so happy."

My mommy was all smiles and she just stood back and blew me a kiss mouthing the words "I LOVE YOU." I was on top of the world! Never in my young life had I ever been so happy!

Judy came back with the ice cubes then and I realized that nobody had answered my question. So, I asked it again, and all Auntie Sylvia would say was, "You will see in just a few seconds, dear."

She held two ice cubes against one of my ear lobes until I couldn't feel anything. I think she had pinched me there when she asked me if I felt anything and I said no. OUCH! What was that?

Auntie Sylvia said, "Ladies, I want to show you the latest invention in ear wear." She held up this tiny plastic ring with a small hole in the middle of it and continued, "This little piece of plastic is pushed into the piercing and with that done you can wear any earrings you wish from then on."

My mommy asked, "Sylvia do you mean she doesn't have to wear studs for two weeks first?"

Sylvia answered, "Not with these in she doesn't. You see these come in a small package and you just soak them in an anti-biotic solution or alcohol, they are absorbent enough to prevent infection. All you do is wet them with the solution once a day. You don't even turn them." All the ladies thought that was fantastic, but Sylvia added, "They are very expensive yet though, and only jewelers can sell them and put them in for you. The company that makes them insists you take a training course through them and that is very expensive as well. You need this little tool and you must know how to use it correctly or you can cause great pain and damage to the earlobes."

She then took the tool and put the tiny plastic ring on the tool and then I felt pressure on my earlobe. She said, "And that is the first one." She held the ice to my other earlobe and I tensed up.

Judy said "Angel," and when I looked at her, OUCH! Another stab, another plastic ring and it was done. I now had pierced ears! (Back in 1963 not many ten year olds had pierced ears. That was something you got done as a teen!)

Sylvia was very happy, she said, "Now, Angel can wear any earrings she wants to. I have the perfect pair right here for her and her gown." She held up these dangly earrings and said, "These are called 'Tears from Heaven.' They are white gold with Marquis-cut diamonds suspended by gold thread. I believe they are perfect for her. What do you think, girls?"

Everybody loved them including me! They were so beautiful I was speechless! Auntie Sylvia looked at the expression on my face and laughed, she was very happy. She handed them to my mommy and said, "Julia, you should be the one to put them in. They are your daughter’s first pair of pierced earrings after all."

My mommy was very happy and she held them very carefully. She looked at them and just shook her head saying how beautiful they were. She then said, "Angel, my very precious daughter and child of my life I welcome you to womanhood." She then slipped them into first one and then the other ear. She had tears in her eyes but she was very happy and smiling real big! My ears started stinging a little bit and I felt the weight of these earrings as they hung from my earlobes. I just held my head up, squared my shoulders, and smiled real big. SNAP, SNAP, snap, snap. Oh brother, more pictures!

I started giggling and couldn't stop. This caused every one else to start and soon we were all laughing. Helen came out of the other room where she was doing the alterations with Elaine and asked what was so funny. She saw my earrings dancing in the light because I was moving my head around while laughing so hard. She stopped and just stared at me. This sobered us all up and we just stared back at her wondering why she was looking at me like that?

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"Baby, baby, ooh 'til it's hurtin' me,
'Til it's hurtin' me, Ooh, baby love..."
--+-- The Supremes (B.Holland/L.Dozier/E.Holland,Jr)

A Life Ever Changing #30 & #31

Baby Love

by Angel O’Hare

This sobered us all up and we just stared back at her wondering why she was looking at me like that?...

To break the trance we all seemed to be in, Judy and Elaine asked us what was so funny. Everybody looked at me. Auntie Harriet said, "Ask Angel, she started it."

I said, "I just realized that I was just welcomed into womanhood by getting my earlobes stabbed clean through and am now my mommy’s daughter. I also have a lot more aunts and a whole bunch of friends I never had before. I remembered how it all started I was a boy dressed in an apron wearing girls flowered panties that everybody saw! The funny part is I have never been happier in my life!" I started giggling again, which started everybody giggling and then laughing! We were right back where we started from, but Helen was still looking at me but now her head tilted a little as if she was deep in thought.

All the ladies, myself, Judy and Elaine whispered and planned when Sylvia said, "One, two, three."

We all hollered at once "HELEN!" She jumped three feet in the air! We all were laughing so hard she started laughing too after a second of wondering what had happened.

Helen then said, "Sylvia, you hired Angel to model your jewelry right?"

Sylvia nodded and Helen continued, "When I saw Angel in your jewelry smiling and laughing I was awe struck. I then pictured her dressed in several of my creations and your jewelry. I want to hire her as well and maybe we could combine our ads and promotions to coincide with each other's. What do you think?"

Well, Sylvia thought that was a great Idea and they both looked at my mommy. My mommy looked at them and just shook her head and said, "What was the name and number of that lawyer of yours?"

From a boy house worker, to a singer, to a girl, to a soloist, to a model in a very short time at that, my head was reeling! But I was very happy!

Helen then sent Judy and Elaine to the finishing room to fetch the gown. It was ready for me. I had noticed that the bra I was wearing really began to rub and irritate my nipples and breasts. They were getting real sore, so I told my mommy and she said I would feel better in a little while when they put more medicine on me. She asked me, "Honey, are they too sore to continue with the fitting?"

I said, "Oh no, Mommy, I can do the fitting. Look at all the trouble everybody went through. I will be ok, if not, I will tell you right away ok?"

She smiled and said, "That's my girl!"

Next thing I heard was Helen and she said, "Ok, Honey, time to get started and come on up and stand on the platform for us, sweetheart."

I got up and carefully walked over to and stepped up on the platform. Elaine and Judy were there holding the dress, Cindy and Lorrie were holding the petticoats. We did the same thing as last time only more carefully because of my make up and jewelry. Helen checked everything and gave everybody thumbs up when the gown fit perfectly! She asked for the veil and tiara, fixing these in place took a long time.

Helen then stood to one side as she nodded to Loraine and Loraine stood at my other side. Helen had me put two fingers in the loop that let me hold up the front of the gown allowing me to walk and said, "Ladies and Ladies, I proudly present Miss Angel O'Hare, soloist and beauty extraordinaire."

Everybody whistled, clapped and hollered. My mom just stood by my aunt Harriet with a smile and a tear in her eye. Harriet wolf whistled at me after I was helped down and walked around the shop.

I played it up to the fullest. I walked as Helen wanted me to, but I added nods and waves like those that the Queen of England does. Everybody started laughing and Greta said, "Stop that Angel, I need some good pictures." She was trying not to laugh when she said that. I played it as they wanted and just smiled and walked like the Bride they wanted me to be.

Finally, about twenty minutes later we were through with the pictures and all the checking out the dress routine. Back on the platform, I went and the undressing began.

My earlobes stung, my breasts, and nipples hurt like heck, my feet, ankles, and calf muscles were sore from walking in four-inch heels. My crotch was now on fire and I needed relief quickly. I said, "Mommy, I can't take it anymore, would you please put the medicine cream on me now?"

Harriet ran and got the bag and my mommy took off the bra and panties. Oh, that felt better, but I was very sore and the pain spread all over my breasts and groin area. I was very red and the skin looked raised as if it had been scraped with sandpaper. It felt like it to!

While Harriet and my mommy were taking care of me, the other ladies were all putting things away and getting ready to leave. When I was back dressed in bandages, bra, diapers and plastic panties Sylvia came over and I helped her remove all the jewelry I had been wearing with the gown. She thanked me and put it all back in the case she had with her.

I was waiting for them to put me back in my dress when Helen made an announcement. She said, "It is after midnight, ladies, so I think those that can, should stay over here at my place. You can all get a fresh start in the morning and it will be much safer. I know I am too tired to travel anywhere tonight."

Harriet then said, "Well, I for one have to get back to my place. I have so much to do in the morning and a client will be showing up at 7:00 am. Julia, you have the medicine and enough supplies for Angel to last. I packed enough in the bag for two more changes. Why don't you and Angel stay and I will come back to get you around 10:00 am, ok?"

It turned out that my mommy and I were the only ones that would be staying the night at Helen's huge house. My mommy swabbed my ears with alcohol. OUCH, that stung, not too bad though. She put a pair of nice plain pearl studs in both ears that Sylvia gave her to give to me.

We all hugged and kissed each other goodbye and everybody but we three remained. Elaine and Judy had rooms in the little house upstairs that they stayed; they were college kids and went to school at the nearby community college. I asked my mommy for something to wear and Helen smiled saying, "Honey, you look so cute that way and you seem very comfortable. I love your diapers and plastic panties. You are just so adorable dressed like that."

I looked at myself in a nearby mirror and groaned. A real lacy bra and my plastic panties were pink with little girls holding dollies printed on them. The worst of it was these panties had five rows of white lace across the bottom! OH GEEZE! My mommy said they were the cutest Rumba panties she had ever seen. Helen agreed saying, "Those are so adorable you can't cover them up! I know I have just the thing you can wear Angel."

She left and came back shortly with a silky pull over shirt tank top. It was pink and had rows of white lace on it. GEEZE! It was short too and only came down to the very tops of the rumba panties. Oh Brother! Helen gave me some pink fluffy slippers as well and they were neat. Very comfortable and soft to wear and walk in. Well my mommy took one of my hands and Helen took the other, the two girls giving me a hug and a kiss as we left the little house and walked outside back to the main house.

The outside grounds, lit softly by lamps made of pretty, wrought iron posts, with frosted glass globes, that cast a gentle light across our path. The sky was clear, illuminated by many brilliantly shining stars, the moon was full and glowing a soft orange, the air was cool which I could feel against my bare arms and legs. It was very quiet, I could here the sound my plastic rumba panties made as I walked each hand held by someone who loved me, and I felt happy. As we mounted the many stone steps to the big double wooden front doors, an older woman opened the doors pulling them both inward, greeted Helen, and as she nodded to my mother in greeting, she then looked at me and smiled.

We entered the huge house into a foyer that was large and open. WOW, my eyes must have gotten huge because my mommy and Helen chuckled and Helen said, "Angel, what do you think of my home so far?"

I said, "It's beautiful and so big!"

The older woman laughed along with Helen and my mommy. Helen introduced us to the older woman, her name was Miss Mary Denton, and she was the person in charge of the operations and of all the other staff that took care of this huge place. She asked me to call her Miss Mary and she picked me up, hugged me, and kissed me on my cheek. I hugged her back, kissed her cheek, and told her she kept a wonderful home and it was so clean and beautiful.

She really smiled then and said, "Angel you are so adorable and such a sweet child I think I will keep you here forever!" I laughed and everyone else laughed along with us. She put me down and said to Helen, "I have had a light snack and refreshments prepared in the library as you requested Helen. The guest room has been prepared and the other items you mentioned are in place." Helen thanked her and took hold of my hand and led my mommy and I to another huge room.

Helen said, "Welcome to my favorite room in this big old museum of mine. This was a conservatory at one time and I had it converted to a combination room as you can see." She gestured by swinging her arms apart and pointed to one area furthest from the entrance doors. (They were two huge etched glass doors.) "This is my wall of ancestry and of course the history of my shop as well."

There were paintings from very old to new ones. There were a whole series of pictures of a clothing shop and then more as it grew in size and changed locations. Helen pointed to a large picture of a beautifully designed interior of a shop with several people posing in a group photo in the center. She said, "This is my present store which is operated by the staff you see. I no longer run it myself I prefer to stay here and do my own thing."

She chuckled and stroked my cheek looking down and smiling at me. She led us over to the most central of the walls where there was a huge fireplace. It was cool! She said, "In the late fall and winter I love to have a fire and sit and look out to the sleeping gardens and trees." She gestured to the outermost wall and it was all large panes of glass.

You could look out and see how extensive her grounds to this house were. Many different gardens and a huge tall fountain, it seemed to go on and on. She took my hand, led me over to a panel, and picked me up asking me to press a certain button she pointed too. I did and one of the big panes of glass started moving as a big screen took its place as the glass disappeared into a wall. She laughed as she saw the expression on my face and I giggled and said, "Wow this is so cool, Aunty Helen!"

She smiled real big when I called her that and she hugged me tighter and kissed me. She said, "Well, sweet niece of mine, this is how I enjoy the sounds and smells of the gardens without all the bugs." She chuckled and let me down. She said, "Angel, there are a lot's of hidden surprises in this house and I want you to have fun here and enjoy all of it. You and your mommy are always welcome here and I hope you both come back often.

I ran over to my mommy and said, "Mommy, mommy, can we come back lots of times?"

Both Helen and Mommy laughed and laughed at what I had said and my mommy said, "Of course darling, you really like it here do you?"

I said, "Oh yes, mommy, it's real cool!" They laughed again and so did Miss Mary who had come in then.

She said, "Julia, I have laid out some sleepwear for you on the bed and the adjoining bath is now ready as well."

My mommy thanked her as Helen said, "Thank you for everything, Mary, and now you two let us eat and drink something before we retire, ok?"

Miss Mary just had to pick me up, hug, and kiss me again before she left. She said, "You are so adorable and sweet I think we will just have to keep you locked up here forever."

We all laughed and I said, "Oh no Miss Mary, you would have to lock up my baby brother and my mommy and Aunty Harriet and a lot of other people too!" They all laughed real hard then and we ended up all sitting down with me on Miss Mary's lap. She decided to stay while we ate.

I don't know what happened but all of a sudden I woke up a little and saw I was being held and carried upstairs by Miss Mary and my mommy and Helen were with me. They were looking at me while they were whispering to each other. They must have been real wide stairs because they were all next to each other.

We entered a huge room and I couldn't believe it! This was a bedroom? This was a guestroom? WOW! Miss Mary laid me on a table that was covered with something very soft and had a little pillow for my head. She turned to my mommy and said, "Julia, this was Helen's changing table when she was a child and that over there was her crib."

I looked over where Miss Mary was pointing and saw a pretty bed it was white and had high rails on each of its sides. One side of the rails closest to us was lowered. It was bigger than my baby brother's crib that used to be mine, twice if not three times the size and had stuffed animals in all the corners. My mommy smiled and said, "I am sure Angel will enjoy sleeping in it won't you, Angel?"

I said, "Aunty Helen that was yours?"

She said, "Yes, Angel, and when I got bigger the rails were removed and the legs were lowered and I used it all the way up until I turned thirteen. That was when I had my own room and I no longer stayed here."

I asked her, "Aunty Helen, where did you go?"

She said, "I was sent to Miss Porter's school for young ladies in Glastonbury, Connecticut. There I met the future wife of President Kennedy. She also went there, as many influential families' daughters have been going there. It is a famous and very exclusive school. I only returned on holidays and a brief week in the summer. Then I was sent abroad to study in Switzerland and Europe. I finally was to return home when I was twenty."

I said, "Mommy, you aren't going to send me away like that are you?"

She hugged me and kissed me a lot of times saying, "Oh Honey, I will never send you away, NEVER!"

I was happy and said, "Good, because it would be lonely and I would really hate that."

Helen who was smiling at our exchange said, "Oh Angel, it wasn't all that bad, but I was lonely for my family. I got to see and experience many wonderful things. But, you are right, I would have much rather have stayed here much more often than I was allowed to back then." Then she said, "It's very late and it is time for your change and off to sleep, young lady. We have much to do tomorrow and I think we will be getting a late start as it is."

She gave me a kiss and a hug goodnight and did the same with my mommy and left. Miss Mary asked my mommy if she needed a little help and my mommy said she did so Miss Mary stayed and helped my mommy clean me and put new cream and fresh diapers on me. I had wet them and didn't even know it! Miss Mary hugged and kissed me goodnight and did the same with my mommy and left. My mommy carried me over to the crib, tucked me in and gave me a teddy bear to hug and I fell asleep real fast.

Chapter 31

I awoke while being lifted out of the crib by my mommy who was already dressed. She brought me into the bathroom where I saw a tub filled with bubbles waiting for me. She gently undressed me, took off my diapers, cleaned off the old cream with a solution, and then put me in the tub. It was warm but not hot and she bathed me washing very softly and gently especially on my boobies. She had me stand up helping me while I did and was real gentle washing my front.

I looked at it and my little penis was gone. The scrotum was real puffy and firm when I touched it, the swollen skin that surrounded it now hid the little hole, and it looked like a little hood was covering it. I wondered what kind of medicine could do something like that.

I asked my mommy and she said, "Honey, the doctor said this cream would make your penis withdraw and your scrotum fill with fluid and increase capillary growth. That is, little blood vessels that help nourish the skin and tissue. She said it would help develop your little testicles by nourishing them and making them develop while they are inside you. Your little penis is doing the same thing right now. It is very sensitive because the tip is having more capillaries growing and forming in it. By having it withdraw inside like that, it will protect it and you will be much more comfortable. I have to clean inside there with a little swab and it will tickle a lot, but you have to try and lay still so I don't hurt you ok?"

I said, "Ok mommy, I will try but it really tingles and tickles when you do that. I can feel it in my boobies and my whole body inside and it is real hard to stay still."

She said, "Well, then I will have aunty Helen and Miss Mary help me, ok, so you don't jump off of the table and hurt yourself." I said ok and she took a little hose attached to a faucet handle, turned it on feeling the temperature until she was happy and rinsed me off while the tub drained. She had me sit as she shampooed my hair and rinsed it and then she said, "I am using some conditioner now Honey, so just let it stay in your hair for a few minutes and I will be right back ok?" I said ok and while she left to do something I looked at myself real good.

My chest was swollen and I did have boobies as big as Janet's. My nipples were bigger but as I got colder sitting in an empty tub, they shrunk and got harder. I touched one of the nipples and it shrunk some more but the nipple stuck out and was hard to my touch. It tingled and sent a shiver through me when I rubbed it lightly. I reached down and felt my front and it felt funny. I touched the little hood looking thing over my hidden penis and boy, oh boy, did that start to tingle! I rubbed it gently some more and the sensation got stronger! I stopped right away and I knew that when mommy cleaned my inside down there, it was going to be very hard for me to stay still.

Just then, my mommy and Miss Mary came in and mommy rinsed the conditioner out of my hair. She lifted me out of the tub and patted me dry. Miss Mary started to pat me with a puffy thing that had powder all over it. She didn't pat my boobies or front part though. She did pat my bottom and we giggled at that.

My mommy wrapped me in a big towel and carried me to the changing table when aunty Helen walked in with a big smile and said, "Good morning Sweetheart, after we are done here we will get some breakfast and you can help me in the shop, ok?"

I said, "Ok aunty Helen that will be fun." She smiled real big and that is when I saw that my mommy and Miss Mary were strapping my legs down on the table with soft cloth straps! I started to panic then and my mommy said, "Angel Honey, we have to do this so you don't wiggle too much ok?"

Miss Mary said, "We will un-strap you the second your mommy is done cleaning you down in your sensitive area ok, Sweetheart?" I said ok and Aunty Helen gave me a kiss and had me lie down with my head on the little pillow. She stroked my cheek and just kept talking to me. When my mommy was ready, she nodded to Helen and Mary who each held one of my shoulders and hands. I tensed up and my mommy began cleaning me down there. In one hand, she held a long skinny stick with a cloth tip on it that she stuck in a bottle and the tip got bigger and dripped with fluid when she removed it. In her other hand, she held a clean diaper. Then it began!

Oh my! Oh my goodness! I tried to get away but I couldn't. Helen and Mary held me down tight and Helen was talking to me all the time. I was tied down real good and they even had a strap going across my waist. I couldn't move from my hips down. I tingled all over and it was too intense for me! My boobies tingled real bad and my tummy and everything was tingling in wave after wave of sensation.

All of a sudden, I started to pee-pee, it just started, and I couldn't stop it. My mommy chuckled, laid the diaper over me, and tucked it under my bottom a little. Mary and Helen chuckled too. I was glad I piddled because my mommy had to stop for a little while, but when I was done, she told me it would only be a little more. She had used two swabs already, and she dipped the third one in the bottle and I tensed up again. Oh No! It was over quickly this time and then mommy put the cream on me, and everything started to get a little numb and I felt much better.

They quickly un-strapped me, and mommy pinned my new clean diapers on and Helen said, "Wait, Julia, I have a pretty outfit for Angel to wear today." She left and came back in a short time with what looked like something a baby would wear.

I said, "But aunty I don't want to look like a baby."

Helen answered me by saying, "Angel, dear, you are now a model and I need you to wear all sorts of clothing I have designed and made. We will start with the little children's line and then you will be wearing things more for your age and even some big girl's clothes, ok?"

My mommy said, "Honey, just think it as part of your job and I am sure there is a good reason for aunt Helen to have you wear these outfits."

Aunty Helen said, "Angel, some children your age are not as grown up as you and their mommies like them to wear these outfits so I need you to model them for me so I can show them how cute their children will look wearing them, ok?"

I said, "Ok, Aunty Helen." Then I was dressed in this real frilly lacy pink and white dress complete with matching rumba plastic panties. The dress was short and stuck out with layers of lacy crinolines that were sewn in as part of the dress so that the rumba panties showed when I stood up. Oh brother, GEEZE!

I felt real funny wearing this but my mommy, Aunty Helen, and Mary all treated me real nice as we walked out and down the stairs for breakfast. By the time we reached the bottom of the stairs they had me laughing and having fun wearing the outfit.

When we got to the bottom of the stairs there was another lady there. She was holding a camera and was taking pictures of me while I was coming down the stairs. Aunty Helen introduced her to us as Jill and she would be taking pictures of me all day in different outfits, Sylvia and Lorrie were coming over later so I could model some of there stuff as well. Jill was funny and she said I was so adorable that anything I wore I would look perfect and very beautiful.

I thanked her like Aunty Helen and mommy told me to when Aunty Helen had scolded me. Jill kept telling me funny stories that made us all giggle and laugh. We came to a nice room that had a big table and a long skinny table along one wall that had lots of different food and stuff on it.

I saw a special chair that was different and I knew it was for me. It was like a big high chair and had a step on it so I could get in the chair by myself. Jill had more cameras in this room and she took more pictures, lots of them! I climbed into my chair and Miss Mary hooked a little table in front when I sat down.

We ate breakfast, Jill took a few more pictures, and it was time to go to the shop. I asked Aunty Helen if I could change now because I didn't want anybody else to see me dressed this way. Jill said, "Honey, I just want to pose you for a few more shots and you can go change, ok?" I said ok and she had me get into some funny positions but it was fun because she kept making me laugh with her stories.

After she was done, Aunty Helen took me to another room and it was filled with clothes, millions of them! She said to me, "Angel, you are very special to me and I want you to know that nobody is going to make fun of you. You are a model now and I have only decided you to model these particular clothes because you have to wear diapers and plastic panties anyway. After today I promise no more baby clothes, ok?"

I said, "Ok, Aunty Helen, I’m sorry I gave you a hard time it's just that I feel funny wearing baby clothes." Aunt Helen said, "It's ok darling, I understand but I want you to know that you posing in these outfits will help me a lot and it is your job right?"

I said, "You're right, aunty, and I will be good and do whatever Jill wants me to do."

Helen said, "That's my good girl, and now for a very pretty outfit and I bet the ladies waiting for me in the shop are going to love you to death because you are just so adorable and pretty." With that said, she took down a dress that looked like it was made for a baby princess. She had me hold it and then she pulled out a few more things and some crinolines and we headed for her shop...

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"Or are you still a boy that cried,
Tears now surely long since dried." -- The Who

A Life Ever Changing #32

Cry If You Want

by Angel O’Hare

She had me hold it and then she pulled out a few more things and some crinolines and we headed for her shop...

As we were heading for the door Miss Mary came up to us and said "Helen, Julia had to leave to see about her baby at home. She said Angel could remain here and Harriet would be by after ten with the other needed items that Angel needs for her comfort and recuperation. She asked if you wouldn't mind having Angel keep us company until tomorrow morning. I felt that it was an urgent matter because her sitter called and I believe she was needed right away, so I called for the car and Henry has driven her home. I'm sorry Angel, but she did want to tell you herself but she had to leave abruptly and didn't feel she had time to wait. Julia did say that if it would pose a problem or any hardship for us that Harriet would take Angel home with her when she comes by at 10:00 am."

What? This was unexpected and I was worried about Jerry! What could have happened?

Aunty Helen and Mary must have seen my worried expression; they just knew that I would be worried so Miss Mary added, "Angel, your mommy told me to tell you that it was nothing for you to worry about. Your baby brother has a fever and the babysitter was nervous about being there with a sick child. Your mommy had to go and give your brother some medicine for his fever and I want you to know that all babies get fevers a lot, but just give them some medicine and in no time they are back to normal. Ok?"

I relaxed then knowing that it wasn't serious, trusting Miss Mary and said, "Ok, Miss Mary, but can I call my mommy later on and see how my brother is?"

Aunty Helen spoke up and said, "Of course Angel, you can call your mommy right after we are done at the shop, ok?" I said ok and we headed for the shop once more.

Wow! It looked different inside this morning. Jill must have been very busy. Oh, there are others here as well. Three other women were all very busy setting up lights and getting cameras ready and even setting up a background section on a small stage. I saw a large truck outside as we were coming from the big house and that is where all this stuff was coming from. GEEZE! There was a rack of baby-style clothes and Helen's helpers were adding to it and removing others taking them in the back room. Sylvia was there as well and she had a big case on wheels that had a lot of drawers in it. It looked like I was going to have a very busy day! I was right and it started right away!

One of the ladies said, "Hi Honey, I have to get you all pretty so Jill can take your picture and you will look real good in the lights. To do this we need to put on a little heavier make-up and you have to sit very still, ok?"

I said ok and she picked me up and then set me down in a chair near a table that had a ton of make-up and stuff on it. She started by brushing my hair straight up and clipping it on top of my head. She then started painting stuff on my face and just kept going. When she was done, she did stuff to my hair, and then she shouted, "Angel's ready now."

What happened next was a blur of activity. In one outfit and Sylvia added some jewelry Jill had me get on the stage and she posed me in about ten poses, then it started all over from the beginning with make-up, hair, clothing change, jewelry, poses, and pictures. We did this over and over again for a long time until Jill said, "BREAK." Whew, I needed a break!

Aunty Harriet was watching me and smiling. She came over to me and said, "Hi Angel, I brought the items you needed and your mommy wanted me to tell you that Jerry is ok but he is real cranky so she has to stay with him. I have a few more appointments today but I should be done around three o'clock this afternoon. I really think it would be best if you stayed the night here at Helen's ok?"

I wondered why my mommy just didn't bring Jerry here. There was lots of room and even being cranky, she could still stay with him here. I didn't say anything about that though and just told Aunty Harriet that staying overnight here would be ok.

She gave me a kiss and a hug and then I saw her talking to Helen for a few minutes. I noticed she showed her an item from the bag and they both looked at me, Helen smiled and nodded and that was that.

Auntie Harriet left and I walked over to a table that had a bunch of little sandwiches and stuff on it. One of the ladies gave me a napkin, a drink, a paper plate and then she put a few of the things from the table on my plate but before I could eat any she put a bib around my neck! GEEZE!

Then it started all over again. Make-up, hair, clothes, jewelry, poses, and pictures, over and over again! Finally we were done! My clothes were removed and then my make-up and jewelry. My diapers were wet and I wasn't wearing any plastic panties anymore! GEEZE! Helen came over to me, took my hand and led me back over to the big house. All the ladies, Jill, and Sylvie said goodbye and gave me a kiss, no hugs though! I was wet and they didn't want to get themselves wet hugging me.

Miss Mary was waiting for us and I saw other ladies in the house as well. They just gave me a smile and kept on cleaning and stuff. GEEZE! I was just wearing my bra and wet diapers! They led me upstairs to the changing room and they both put on some gloves. They did what my mommy and they did earlier strapping me down and everything!

There was one thing different this time though and I didn't like it one bit! Before they put more medicine on me, Mary rolled me on my side and pulled my knees toward her holding them tight. Helen smeared gooey stuff between my bottom and then stuck something far up in me! YUCK, that felt funny and weird!

Then they put the medicine on and re-diapered me with extra diapers. They were thick and were larger because they went higher up on my tummy and back. Helen pinned them tight and put a pair of real big plastic panties on me. They had pictures of pretty birdies on them she had a nightshirt with the same birdies that she pulled over my head. It only came to just above my waist.

Miss Mary said, "Honey, I have something for you to drink and then you have to take a nap before suppertime, ok?"

The clock said 2:30 so I asked her, "What time is supper, Miss Mary?"

She said, "Supper will be around six o'clock but it really depends on when you wake up, ok?"

I said ok and I drank what tasted like thick chocolate flavored chalk. YUCK! I drank it all and then Helen gave me a very little cup of something to drink. It smelled and tasted funny but not as bad as the chalky stuff. They laid me in the big crib and tucked me in kissing me and giving me a teddy bear to sleep with then lifting up the rail closing me in. It did not take long after that when I noticed I was getting real tired and sleepy and fell right to sleep. I don't remember having any dreams at all.

When I started to waken, it was very dark in the room with only a little night-light giving off a soft glow. It was a clown face and the smile, nose, and eyes were all you could really see. I giggled because it looked so funny.

But, then I felt funny. My tummy hurt and when I rolled over my diapers squished. YUCK! I was still a little woozy but I knew what I had done, I had messed my diapers! OH NO! I wanted to go in the bathroom and take a shower real fast and right then but I couldn't get out of the bed with the rails up. I tried to climb over them, but all I did was get dizzy, fall back on my bottom and SQUISH! OH YUCK!

I had to wait until Miss Mary and Helen came back. I started to smell that familiar smell and that didn't help my tummy one bit! I really didn't feel good so I lay back down and waited. I covered myself back up because it didn't smell as bad then.

I must have fallen asleep again because I woke up as I was being lifted from the crib. I looked and saw Miss Mary and another lady I had not met before. The lady said, "Hi Angel, you can call me Gwen, ok?" I just nodded and she said, "I have three children at home and two are still in diapers so your Aunty Helen asked me to help Mary because she isn't used to changing messy diapers."

She and Miss Mary chuckled as Miss Mary carried me into the bathroom. I saw the tub had just a little water in it and both Miss Mary and Gwen had plastic aprons and gloves on. They had me stand up in the tub as they slid my plastic panties down my legs and removed my shirt and bra. They then lay me back gently until I was on my back in the tub. Gwen took my plastic panties the rest of the way off, was rinsing them off with the hose attached to the shower. Then Miss Mary unpinned my diapers and slid them off pushing them toward Gwen who then rinsed them off and put them in a little pail with a cover on it. Miss Mary then rinsed me off with the hose thing and helped me stand back up. She rinsed me real well and let the water out of the tub. YUCK!

She then rinsed me again and I noticed something real different! Where my penis once had been, there was just two puffy parts. I did not even see the little hole with the skin around it anymore! What happened to me? My boobies were no longer red and sore, the nipples were pink and big and the rest was a little wrinkled looking but the redness was gone. Miss Mary separated the two puffy parts with one hand and sprayed in there with the hose thing she was holding in her other hand. It tickled a lot!

She smiled and said, "That's my girl, we have you rinsed off and now you can have a nice bubble bath." She rinsed out the tub and put the stopper in. Then she let water flow that was nice and warm she added some bubble bath that smelled like flowers and the bubbles and suds were everywhere in seconds. That felt real nice.

Gwen came back, started wetting my hair again, and then added shampoo. She massaged my head for a log time and that felt real good too. Miss Mary started washing me right after she handed me a little doll and a small washcloth. She said, "Ok, Honey, you wash your dolly while I wash you, ok?"

I said ok and washed the little dolly real good for Miss Mary, it was dusty. Gwen gave me a little shampoo to use to wash the dolly's hair and asked me what the dolly's name was. I asked Miss Mary and she said, "Angel, that is now your dolly, so you name her."

I thought for a second or two and I knew I could make them both feel good so I said, "Her name is Mary Gwen O'Hare." They both laughed and smiled. They both gave me a hug and kisses saying what a sweet young lady I was. They took turns rinsing me off as the water was let out. Miss Mary let Gwen carry me to the changing table where they put on some more gloves.

This time they did not tie me down! COOL! Miss Mary put the medicine on me real thick and said, "Angel, my darling little girl, this is the last time for the medicine and diapers. When you wake up in the morning you won't need them anymore." That made me real happy! They dressed me in another sleep set that was red and real lacy. The shirt was as short as the others had been but had a lot more lace and the plastic panties, covered in lace both front and back! GEEZE!

They set me down on the floor and had me slip on some red fluffy slipper that had a heel! Gwen told me they had a three-inch heel so I would be real cute and walk as a young lady should. GEEZE! With the diapers on my bottom really did sway back and forth a lot! Miss Mary brushed my hair and put in two pink plastic barrettes one in each side of my hair. They held my hands, one in each of theirs as we went downstairs.

Auntie Helen was waiting for us and she gave me a big smile, bunches of hugs and kisses. She said, "Now that you have been cleaned out real good I bet you are real hungry, aren't you?"

I realized my tummy felt much better and I was real hungry so I said, "Yes, I am real hungry, Aunty Helen, please don't put anymore things in my bottom, ok?"

They all laughed and Helen said, "I won't Honey, your doctor insisted we do that because you hadn't gone poo-poo and she was worried you could get sick." Helen then thanked Gwen for her help and told her she would get a little bonus for helping clean me up. Gwen was happy and told her she was glad to help and that I was the sweetest little girl she had ever met. OH GEEZE!

We walked into a huge room with a very long table and my special chair was there. This time auntie Helen lifted me up and put me in it. She attached the little table and tied a big bib that covered my sleep set from my neck to my feet.

She sat down next to me and that is when I saw a big thick book in front of her. She opened it so I could see and it was filled with pictures of me they had taken earlier. WOW! They looked real good but I couldn't believe that little baby-girl was me with all the make-up on I looked different. Some of the pictures made me laugh like the ones that I was touching my toes in that showed off the plastic panties I was wearing real good. I was smiling in all the pictures and they did look like I was having fun in each outfit. I knew that what I was really feeling was that I couldn't wait for it all to be done and over with. Jill just kept making me laugh and she did make it fun though.

Auntie Helen was real happy the way they all had turned out. Miss Mary came in holding a platter of food that looked and smelled wonderful. She then put a plate in front of Helen along with an extra napkin and a small fork, spoon, and a sharp knife. Auntie Helen started feeding me! She said, "Sweetheart, let me feed you this one time ok?"

I said ok thinking this was what she wanted and it would make her happy. It did make her very happy and then she handed me a sippy cup! A little cup that had a lid on it and a little spout I sipped out of. When we were done with supper, she rang a little bell and Miss Mary brought in a bowl of cherry gelatin with whipped cream mixed in it. The gelatin was cut up in little squares and Aunty Helen placed it in front of me. I looked around but there was no spoon so I asked her, "Auntie Helen, where is the spoon?"

Auntie Helen then said, "Honey, I just want to take a few more pictures and I want you to eat your dessert with your fingers, ok?" Oh brother! GEEZE! I did just that and no matter how hard I tried I still got whipped cream all over my face. I went to wipe it with my bib and Auntie Helen said, "No, Angel, don't wipe your mouth and face. I will clean you up after you have eaten all of your dessert." GEEZE! I ate all my desert and I know my face was a mess and so was the bib by the time I was done. Auntie Helen was very happy with me though so I guess it was worth it. She cleaned me up and removed the bib and the little table. She helped me down, brought me over to a telephone and said I could call my mommy now.

I dialed the phone and waited but my mommy never answered the phone and I got real worried. Auntie Helen let me call my Auntie Harriet's house. No answer there either! I was real worried then! Helen saw the look on my face and she just knew something was not right so she asked me, "Honey, do you know your neighbors number?"

I DID! So I said, "YES, AUNTIE HELEN, let's call her right now!" Auntie Helen had me dial the phone number and she talked to my neighbor, thank God, she was home! I saw my Auntie Helen's face turn from a smile to one of pure concern and sorrow! OH NO! I wanted to know what was going on but Auntie Helen told Miss Mary to take me up to my room! WHY? I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO MY MOMMY!

Miss Mary ended up carrying me upstairs to my room. I did not want to go, I wanted to stay and find out what happened to my mommy! Miss Mary stayed with me trying to keep me calm. She talked softly to me and assured me that Auntie Helen would come up and let me know what was happening and what we would do.

The wait was horrible and I felt so helpless I just started to cry and Miss Mary picked me up and held me real tight and close. I first heard and then saw Auntie Helen, she had a very sad expression on her face, and it looked like she had been crying! She held her arms out to me so I got up off of Miss Mary's lap and ran into her arms as she lifted me up and held me tight walking toward a rocking chair next to the window. She sat down with me still wrapped tightly in her arms and said, "Honey, I want you to be a very brave little girl for your mommy, and you are going to have to be strong for her, ok?"

I knew it was real bad then and I looked up into Auntie Helen's eyes and she then told me what had happened to my mommy...

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"I heard the news today, oh boy..." -- The Beatles/Lennon&McCartney

A Life Ever Changing #33

How Many...

by Angel O’Hare

I knew it was real bad then and I looked up into Auntie Helen's eyes and she then told me what had happened to my mommy...

Auntie Helen looking down into my eyes and I looking up into hers, trying to read everything that they held within them. She said in a very soft voice, "Angel, your mommy was home with your brother and your daddy showed up and barged into your house. Your neighbor told me she heard hollering and loud noises coming from your place and that is when she called the police. She waited until your father had gone and she ran over to check on your mommy. She found her in her bedroom unconscious and her clothes were ripped and torn. Your daddy hurt your mommy very badly Angel, he did things to your mommy that he had no right to do anymore. Your neighbor called an ambulance for your mommy and the police arrived as well. Your Auntie Harriet is with your mommy at the hospital and your brother is staying with your neighbor for now. You can't visit your mommy until tomorrow; the doctors want her to rest as much as possible right now, ok?"

I didn't know how to answer her! My mommy was hurt real bad by my daddy? How could he do that to her? What had he done to her? She said he did things he had no right to do anymore, what was that? I asked her then, "What did my daddy do to her, Auntie Helen?"

Auntie Helen just shook her head and slipped me off of her lap and motioning for Miss Mary to come and hold me and she did. Helen was pacing the room crying and she looked like she was real mad as well. She said, "Angel, men can be pigs! They do thing to women they have no right to do but they get away with it all the time!" She was really mad now and spitting out the words as she spoke, "They think that because they are the man and are stronger they can just take what they want anytime they want it even when a woman says no! They stick their thing in and out until they get satisfaction and then they don't care anymore. Not all men are like this but too many are! Honey, what your daddy did to your mommy was very wrong and he knows it! That is why when he tried to force her to do it and when she still refused, he beat her up and did it anyway! So what did he do afterwards? He runs away leaving your mommy hurt and bleeding! She could have died if your neighbor wasn't home! I could just kill him for that alone!"

I was very frightened then. I could picture my mommy lying on the bed all beat up with her clothes all ripped and torn, bleeding and unconscious. I was crying real hard and I hollered out, "I'm going to kill my daddy for hurting her and leaving her to die! I'm going to kill him!"

Miss Mary hugged me real tight kissing me over and over saying, "Honey, NO don't say that ever! You would be just like him and you are not at all like him. The police will arrest him and throw him in prison where he belongs."

It was then that Auntie Helen started laughing, a real mean type of laugh, angry and hateful sounding. She said, "I'm sorry Angel, but what will probably happen to your daddy will be almost nothing. The judge will give him probation and make him stay away from your mommy. That is the real injustice against us women. The men always seem to get away with crimes like this, the courts are made up of men, and they think alike. No, your daddy will pay for what he's done, but it won't be by any court or judge. I promise you one thing, Angel, and that is your daddy will pay dearly for what he has done to your mommy and my friend."

I knew by looking at her that Auntie Helen was telling me the truth. She would make sure my daddy paid dearly for what he had done. I felt better knowing that, ran to her, and hugged her legs real tight. I said, "Auntie Helen, what am I going to do?"

She looked down at me and suddenly her whole attitude changed as she picked me up and said, "Honey, you are going to stay with me and when your mommy is better she and your brother will stay here as well, ok?"

I hugged her and kissed her again and again saying, "Thank you, Auntie, thank you." Miss Mary came over and hugged us both saying, "You have to be strong now, Angel, and you have to carry on and make things easier for your mommy. You can work and earn some money for your family and in this way help take good care of your mommy and baby brother, ok?"

That made sense to me. I could help my family! I decided right then that I would do as much as I could and be the best at what I did. I decided I had to pray to God for help. God always seemed to help me when I prayed. I asked Auntie Helen, "Auntie, could you bring me to Church so I can pray to God for my mommy?"

Auntie Helen answered, "Honey, you don't have to go to church to pray. You can pray anywhere and at anytime and God will hear you. I have a small chapel downstairs though if you would like to pray there." I said I would and she said, "Well Angel let us all go to the chapel."

We did and it was beautiful and not that small at all. There were twelve stained glass windows and Helen told me they represented the life of Christ. She told me they were called the Stations of the Cross. There was an altar made of marble and candles, lots of candles both lit and some left untouched. Auntie Helen said, "Angel, I have not had Mass said here in over ten years, you have rekindled my devotion to our Lord with your faith in prayer. Would you like to have a priest come and say Mass sometime?"

"Oh YES, Auntie Helen! I would love that. At my church the kids all make fun of me, and when I applied to be an altar boy they laughed at me and told me only real boys could become altar boys. I love to go to Mass but only with my mommy and Auntie Harriet because then I don't get picked on or hit. We have to go everyday at school and the other kids always do something to try and get me in trouble. The sisters make me sit with them now so I don't cause any trouble. I don't cause any trouble Auntie Helen, the kids just make it seem like I did because they do things to make me cry out or move. That always makes the sister's mad. I don't mind sitting with the sisters though it makes it a lot easier for me to worship God and Jesus without the kids doing things to me. I just wish the sisters knew I wasn't the one causing all the trouble."

Auntie Helen had us kneel at the altar and we prayed for my mommy then. I prayed for my daddy, too. I prayed that God would punish my daddy for what he had done to my mommy.

I thanked God and Jesus for what they had done for me already and that I hoped I would be good enough in the future for them to keep helping me. I asked them for the strength and courage to do what had to be done. I also told them I didn't mind being a girl now. I had more friends and was having more fun and I could make money to help my mommy even more now as a girl. I told them I would do the best I could and I would try to be extra good if only they would help my mommy get better real soon. I prayed for them to help all my new aunties and Miss Mary and Gwen and Jill and all my new friends. I prayed for Mrs. Russell and everybody I could remember.

I ended with asking all those now in Heaven to help my mommy and to pray for her. I blessed myself by touching my forehead with my finger of my right hand as I had been taught and said, "In the name of the Father." Then I touched my belly saying, "And of the Son." Then I touched my left shoulder saying, "And of the Holy" as I said this I brought my finger over to my right shoulder and finished saying, "Spirit, Amen."

My Auntie Helen was already finished, she smiled at me, and we walked out of the chapel together holding hands and feeling better. I was very tired and it was very late at night so Auntie Helen brought me upstairs to my room and laid me in the crib. She sat in a chair nearby and started to read me a story about a magic kingdom where all that were there were children and one adult.

I fell asleep almost right away and had a very bad dream. A nightmare woke me up screaming and crying. Auntie Helen was there in a second she must have been sleeping in my room. She picked me up and hugged me telling me it was only a bad dream and I was safe and I would always be safe while I lived in her home.

I clung to her tightly and said, "Oh, Auntie, it was a very bad dream! My daddy was hurting my mommy and I tried to help her but my daddy turned on me and called me names just like the kids do at school and then he started ripping my clothes off and hurting me!"

Auntie Helen held me even tighter and that is when Miss Mary came running into the room. She saw that everything was under control and she just came over and stoked my cheek and said, "Oh, Angel, my sweet Angel, it's ok, Honey, we are here for you dear and nothing and no one is ever going to hurt you here."

I was calming down and I felt safe and secure in Auntie Helen's arms and with Miss Mary there. I told them they made me feel real safe and they both smiled.

Helen said, "Well, since the sun is up and it is a new day let us get ready and then we can go see your mommy, ok?" I said yes and was getting excited and I was wide-awake then.

Miss Mary laughed and said, "I will go see to it that breakfast is ready when you two are." She left and went downstairs and Auntie Helen pulled a cord next to the crib, took me into the bathroom, and started undressing me.

Gwen came in a few minutes later and Helen asked her to take over while she went and got ready for the day herself. Gwen came over, finished undressing me, and ran a tub of water. She had me brush my teeth real good and then she put on a pair of gloves and cleaned the medicine off of me. Then she lifted me up and set me down into a tub filled with bubbles. It smelled real nice like a garden filled with flowers and then Gwen added some oily stuff to the water as well. She told me it would make my skin smooth and real soft like all pretty little girls have.

That made me look down and since all the bubbles blocked my view I felt with my fingers. My penis was gone and instead I had a little slit between two puffy areas. I could feel the tip of my penis just a little bit if I pressed in a certain spot. I guess I am a girl now! I said, "Miss Gwen, I am a little girl now because my penis is gone and I have little boobies too."

She laughed and said, "Yes, Angel, you are a little girl now and you are a very pretty little girl, too! We have to hurry now because your Auntie Harriet is down stairs and she is waiting for you." I started washing real fast then and Gwen took away my washcloth and said, "Honey, we still have to bathe correctly so let me bathe you and we will be done a lot quicker."

She did just that and after shampooing and conditioning my hair she let out the water, gave me a final rinse with the hose thing and started to pat me dry. She wrapped a towel around my head and lifted me from the tub leading me out to the bedroom once again. There on the bed was a pretty dress and everything that went with it including a matching purse. Shoes and tights, and a pretty hat with a white ribbon tied around it with the ribbon ends trailing down the back Bra, panties, silky t-shirt, and a petticoat too! Gwen dressed me and it went real fast. In no time at all I was standing in front of a big mirror all dressed except for my hat and purse. Gwen said, "Your Auntie Harriet wants to do your hair, Angel, and then you will be all set to visit your mommy after you have your breakfast." She handed me my purse and we walked out and down the stairs. I had to be careful because the shoes had a three-inch heel and I had to walk differently and slowly as I was taught.

We walked into the dining room and my Auntie Harriet jumped up and hurried over to me. I walked as fast as I dared toward her as well. She scooped me up and hugged me kissing me a thousand times! She said, "Oh, Angel you are so beautiful I saw the pictures too and they were fantastic! Your mommy will be very proud of you and Auntie Helen is going to bring the pictures with us to the hospital I know your mommy will be very happy seeing them."

She set me down and I noticed my special chair was gone and instead there was a booster seat on one of the chairs. I went over to it and Gwen lifted me up and set me down on it. It had a strap to, but Gwen didn't strap me in thank goodness, I was a bigger girl now and didn't need the baby stuff anymore. Auntie Helen rang the little bell and shortly after Miss Mary brought in a big tray full of breakfast food. I was real hungry! It was just Auntie Helen and I that ate then Auntie Harriet had some tea and a hot roll.

Auntie Harriet was telling us what had happened and how my mommy was doing and that the police were still looking for my daddy. When we were finished with breakfast Auntie Harriet said we were going to her house and then the hospital. She wanted to do my hair and make me real pretty for mommy when she saw me. Auntie Harriet told us she would meet us their and she left after giving me a hug and a kiss. Auntie Helen came over to me and took my hand as we walked to the door. Gwen was there and she held a light coat for Helen and then handed her a purse. Gwen then put a little white sweater on me that was fluffy and felt real nice. She handed me my purse and hat gave me a hug and a kiss and Auntie Helen took my hand again as we walked out the door.

WOW! A real big black car was out front! A man dressed in a uniform was holding one of the back doors open for us. Auntie Helen told him where we were going and how to get there. She had called him John so after Auntie Helen got in and he helped me get in I said, "Thank you, John."

He smiled and said, "You're very welcome, miss." Shortly after that, I felt the car move and we were on our way.

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"Like an angel standing guard, There you are..." -- Martina McBride
"Give me a reason now that I can understand,
...I close my eyes and there, There you are..." -- Goo Goo Dolls
"There you are - when my heart is doubting..." -- Carolyn Arends

A Life Ever Changing #34

There You Are

by Angel O’Hare

Shortly after that I felt the car move and we were on our way...

I sat there in this huge car and asked my Auntie Helen what kind of car it was. She told me it’s called a limousine or limo for short. It’s used to take people to important events or special outings. She said, "Angel, a limo is a status symbol, when people see a limousine pull up they will usually stop to see who gets out of it." She chuckled and continued, "Honey, if you wish to make an impression or even just to be able to pull right up to an entrance a limo lets you do just that.

She smiled and I said, "Auntie, I like this limo, it's big and it's real neat!"

She laughed and said, "Oh, Angel, I do to." She gave me a hug and a kiss, which I returned. I started to think then looking around taking in what I saw. The huge car had two back seats facing each other with a lot of room between them. There was a phone a little bar with ice and glasses some bottles of booze and soda pop. There was a screen covering a window to the front seat where the driver was and there were curtains on all the windows. It felt good to sit on the red leather seats not having to wear diapers anymore. I was a young girl now, and no longer a big baby! We were off to my Auntie Harriet's house and I was going to get my hair done real nice to make my mommy happier. I knew she would like me to look real good and I wanted to look as pretty as I could for her. I also knew I would need to stay looking pretty for my new jobs and my singing. I just sat there and pondered some more on what my life was going to be like in the future. I glanced at Auntie Helen and it looked like she was thinking about something as well. She had that far away look and was deep in thought.

I was a girl now! I looked like a girl and I sounded like a girl. Everybody always said I was too pretty to be a boy before and now I wasn't a boy any longer. My penis was completely hidden inside of me, one of the ladies said I had a cute little cunny. I had little breasts, a small waist, and a girl's bottom. That is what the ladies had told me anyway, during the picture shoot. They said my eyes were my best feature and I had natural long curly lashes, a cute nose, and my lips were a perfect cupid shape, whatever that meant. My hair was thick, full, baby-fine and soft. My ears were made for piercing so they said. Then there was my singing voice and I already knew how that sounded. I guess I was much better off as a girl than as the boy I was born as. One thing I didn't want to think about and pushed out of my mind real fast when I did was school!

The car slowed and came to a stop. John opened the door nearest Auntie Helen and offered her his hand to help her out. My door opened a short time later and John helped me out of the limo. He closed the door and just stood by the limousine and waited for our return. We headed into Auntie Harriet's house and she was there waiting for us.

She must have driven real fast like Sylvia does because she already had the hair stuff for me out and waiting. She had me undress to my bra and panties then slipped a pink plastic robe with a wide opening at the neck on me. She shampooed my hair and conditioned it, rinsing it real well. Auntie then used some gel and little papers then rolled my hair on rollers of different sizes. My whole head was covered in curlers! She put some cotton in my ears then she put a hair net on my head tied it in the back and lowered a big hairdryer over it. I was glad for the cotton in my ears because this machine made a lot of noise! Auntie gave me a hairstyling magazine to read I saw many different styles and some were real pretty but I didn't have enough hair for most of them. Before I knew it, the dryer was turned off and Auntie took off the hairnet and removed all the curlers. She brushed out my hair and I saw Auntie Helen smile real big and she said, "Angel, you look just like your name, a beautiful angel."

Auntie Helen took my hand and led me to a mirror and what I saw was a beautiful young girl with flowing curls all blond and shining. She sat me down and did a little plucking of my eyebrows and then she smiled saying; "Now my little beauty, we can go see your mommy and make her very happy." I was very excited and jumped up and hugged her and kissed Auntie Harriet a lot. She laughed and said, "Now, my dear one, you have to get dressed." Both Aunties Helen and Harriet helped me get dressed again. Auntie Helen asked Harriet to join us in the limo and she agreed with a big smile. Auntie Harriet washed up and dressed real fast. When she came back down stairs, she looked real pretty, we went to the car, and John was their holding the door for us. We all got in and we were off to the hospital at last! I was going to see my mommy!

I really wanted to see out the window so I pulled the curtain aside so I could and it was real neat! Almost everybody we drove by, were trying to look into the limo to see who was inside. Some when they saw me peeking waved so I waved back and they smiled. This was so cool! Auntie Helen was chuckling watching me and Auntie Harriet started to laugh.

In no time at all, I saw through the window we were arriving at the hospital's main entrance. Some of the people who were outside stopped, and were looking at the limo as John got out and opened the door on Auntie Helen's side. Auntie Helen and Auntie Harriet got out and Auntie Helen whispered to me to wait for John and get out on my side.

I waited and John opened my door and said in a voice just loud enough to be heard by those standing around staring, "Miss Angel, do you wish me to wait for you here, or shall I park and await your call?"

I giggled and knew my Auntie Helen had asked him to do this while she was on the phone. She must have been talking to him. I played along and said loud enough for all to hear, "John, you may park and await my call, I will be awhile."

He answered, "Yes, Miss Angel," and he gave me a wink and a smile and I giggled again. Auntie Helen and Auntie Harriet each took one of my hands as we entered the hospital with everyone gawking at me. We all giggled and I thanked Auntie Helen and told her it was a lot of fun.

We got serious real quickly as we entered the main lobby and arrived at the visitor's desk. Auntie Harriet talked to the elderly lady volunteer behind the desk and soon we were on our way to the elevators with visiting passes in hand. We got onto the elevator and we noticed that two young boys from outside had followed us and also got on the elevator. One was about ten and the other was an early teen they looked like brothers. Each held a visitor's pass and they were openly staring at me so I said Hi and they both answered with Hi and blushed.

I chuckled, as did both my auntie's. They didn't stare but looked at the floor for the remainder of our ride up to the fourth floor. We all got out as I followed Auntie Helen to my mommy's room. The two boys went into a room a few doors down from my mommy's. As we entered my mommy's room, I saw her sitting up in bed and she was talking to Mrs. Russell and Glena who were also visiting.

I ran to my mommy but was careful not to hurt her as I gently hugged her and kissed her. She smiled and looked real happy to see us. She looked real bad though, her face was bruised, swollen and one of her eyes had a bandage over it. Her hands and arms were bandaged as well. I knew she had fought my daddy with everything she had. Her lips were swollen and broken but she smiled anyway as she hugged me and kissed me. I wanted to hurt my daddy real bad for doing this to my mommy!

She told me how pretty I looked and that was when Auntie Helen came over to her and showed the photographs of me in the big baby clothes. Everybody loved them and we all laughed at some of the funny poses especially the ones that I had my bottom stuck up in the air while holding my ankles and smiling to show off the fancy plastic panties. We talked about everything and anything but not one word was ever said about what my daddy had done to her.

My mommy asked me to model my outfit and I did and then just before visiting hours were over she asked me to sing her a song. She wanted me to sing, "There You Are" it is a song of how God can be seen everywhere if you just look and it is a very beautiful song and just before the end of it you sang in one long breath a variety of notes and ended it with, "There you are." My mommy really loved that song. A nurse came in just then to tell us we had to leave and my mommy asked her if I could just sing a song for her before we left and the nurse said yes and waited in the room with us. I took a deep breath, calmed myself, went within and started singing.

When I was done, I looked at my mommy and she was smiling but crying. I looked around and there were now four nurses in the room and people in the hallway as well. My aunties were smiling and so were Glena and Mrs. Russell, the other people were all saying things at once in low tones so I just went over to my mommy and told her I loved and missed her. I hugged her gently and kissed her. I told her to get better real soon and not to worry because I was going to be the best girl ever. She smiled and still crying told me she loved me and that she knew I would be real good and she would be home soon.

Mrs. Russell and Glena were talking to the nurses and the people outside in the hallway. I couldn't make out what they were saying because they were talking in soft whispers. One of the nurses went over to my mommy and asked her something and my mommy said, "Ask Angel, I am sure she would be happy to."

The nurse came over to me and asked, "Angel, you sing beautifully, can I ask you to sing that song for someone who really needs to hear it? This woman is very old and tired she has no one to visit her and she is very lonely."

I said, "Yes, if I can make her happy and not feel lonely I will sing to her all night long!" Everybody chuckled and smiled as the nurse led my aunties, Mrs. Russell, Glena, and me to the lonely ladies room.

We took the elevator down to the second floor and the nurse asked the others to wait out in the hall as she took my hand and led me into a room. A very old lady who did not look well at all was lying in bed and she did look very lonely. The nurse said gently to her, "Mrs. Wentworth I have someone with me who wishes to sing you a song."

With that said Mrs. Wentworth looked over and saw me she smiled and asked me in a very weak voice what my name was. I told her my name was Angel and I wanted to sing her song called "There You Are" and I hoped it would make her happy. She motioned me closer and when I went to her, she gave me a gentle hug and asked me to sing it for her. This time when I looked around there were already six nurses in the room and the hallway looked like it was filled with patients and more nurses. GEEZE!

My aunties were in the room as were Glena and Mrs. Russell and that made me feel better. I walked up close to Mrs. Wentworth took a deep breath went within and started singing once again. When I was done singing, I was once again aware of my surroundings and it was very quiet.

I looked at Mrs. Wentworth and her eyes were filled with tears. I hugged her and kissed her saying, "Oh, please don't cry, I wanted to make you happy not sad." I started to tear then as she hugged me to her and patted her bed, asking me to sit with her and I did. The nurses broke the crowd up, sending them back to their rooms, leaving my aunties with me. Glena and Mrs. Russell said goodbye to us and left.

Mrs. Wentworth said, "Oh, my dear Angel, and that is what you are, a living angel sent from Heaven to bring us sad and lonely old ladies joy and happiness in our final days. These are not tears of sadness dear child but tears of joy and happiness." We sat and talked for a long time and she seemed to come to life then. She no longer looked tired and lonely but full of life with an eagerness to share the stories of her long life with me.

When the nurse came over and said that it was late and we really had stayed way over visiting time already, Mrs. Wentworth asked her to write down my full name and address. My Auntie Helen gave her the information and I gave Mrs. Wentworth a final hug a kiss and said goodbye.

Auntie Helen asked to use a phone to call John and have him pick us up so the nurse had her go to the nurse's station. I waited with Auntie Harriet while several nurses came over to tell me how pretty I was and how I sang so beautifully. I thanked them and Auntie Helen said we were ready and we left, holding hands.

It took us awhile, because nurses and patients who wanted to talk to us kept stopping us. They thanked me for singing. I must have been hugged and kissed a hundred times! GEEZE! Finally, we made it to John and we were all inside the limo sitting down and happy. As we drove away, I was looking through the curtain and had to wave because there were more than a few people standing outside waving at me. My aunties chuckled and as I sat back, I started to laugh as well.

Then I looked at my aunties and said, "My mommy looked like she was hurt real bad."

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"Joyfully now to our princess we come
Bringing gifts of all good wishes..." -- Disney's Sleeping Beauty

A Life Ever Changing #35 & #36

Princess

by Angel O’Hare

"My mommy looked like she was hurt real bad...”.

Do you think I could spend some of my money and send her some real pretty flowers? She loves yellow roses and I think getting them from me would make her happier."

Auntie Helen said, "Angel, that is a wonderful idea, we could all send her some flowers and some gifts."

Auntie Harriet said, "I know she could use a few new nightgowns, those the hospital provides leave much to be desired."

Auntie Helen picked up the phone, pressed a button, and then said, "John, we are off to go shopping, please take us to my store." She hung up the phone and said, "Angel, we girls all have one thing in common. WE LOVE TO GO SHOPPING!" We all got excited and auntie Harriet was giggling her head off which infected us all we soon were all laughing and giggling and on our way to do some serious gift buying and shopping.

We laughed we giggled and then Auntie Helen asked me, "Angel, where do you go when you sing?"

Auntie Harriet said, "What? What do you mean where does she go?"

"Haven't you noticed when just before she sings she takes a deep breath and her eyes begin to sparkle? She goes somewhere else and when she is done singing she looks around to get her bearings again."

Harriet said, "I never really noticed all that. I seen her take a deep breath and then she pauses for a second and begins to sing."

Auntie Helen looked at me and smiled, asking me once again where I went while I sang.

I answered, "I go within, and that is where I really am. When I go within nothing distracts me and I become one with the music. I am the music. I learned it after I prayed to God one day after the kids at school were picking on me real bad after school. They made me miss my bus and I had to walk home. Some of them followed me and then about halfway home they beat me up. After they left me, alone I went into the nearby Church, Saint Bernard Roman Catholic Church to be exact. It is a very pretty Church and I saw a statue of the Blessed Mother Mary with candles in front of her. Mothers always love their children very much so I asked her to talk to her Son on my behalf. I figured He would listen to her better than He would listen to me. Then I went and prayed to God and His Son Jesus. I asked them for their protection. To thank them I sang them a song and it was then I learned how to go within. I wasn't taught or anything I just knew how to do it. I sang the 'Our Father' prayer and then to thank Mother Mary I sang her the 'Hail Mary' prayer. Ever since then I always go within to sing or to pray or get away from those who are picking on me or beating me up. It helped me a lot at school and afterwards. You see when I didn't cry or try to run away the kids just stopped picking on me so much. They still beat me up and it hurt a lot, but I didn't cry so they got tired of it, I guess. I would just offer up the pain to Jesus and God. I hoped that they could lessen some other child's pain by doing that. I don't know if it works that way, but that is what I do. Jesus offered up His pain and suffering to God His Father so I figured it would be all right for me to do it, too. It helps a lot, you know."

Auntie Helen and Auntie Harriet just stared at me then! GEEZE! Auntie Harriet asked, "Angel, honey, why do you still refuse to sing at school then?"

I answered, "Because the sister always wants me to sing all the time! She always makes me sing with the girls and the kids don't like it, especially the girls. You see the girls have a special group and they really didn't like it that a boy got the lead position especially a momma's boy like me. That's what they call me you know, that and a sissy, a faggot, a geek and a few even nastier names. I always get picked on and beat up afterwards when I sing at school. So I don't sing there anymore. The kids don't want me to, so I don't." My aunties both hugged me and kissed me then. I liked that a lot!

Auntie Helen asked me, "Angel, how do you feel about singing with the all girls choir for a Church that represents a religion you don't even belong to?"

I laughed and I kept laughing Auntie Helen gave me one of those funny looks and that helped me stop laughing. I said, "They made me a member! They accepted me as one of them! That is a big difference from school. Maybe they don't believe in God and Jesus the same way I do, but they do believe! That is the biggest and most important thing, after all. You know at my Catholic school, I‘m treated so different. The sisters like me I guess, but they think I’m strange."

I giggled then and so did my aunties. I said, "The sisters want to keep peace so they don't make me sing anymore. They do ask me to sing with them at special Masses that the kids don't go to though. When the girls choir doesn't sing and it is just the sisters and the priests. They like that and it makes them happy so I do it. Mommy lets me because she likes to go to these special Masses as well and she loves to hear me sing, it makes her happy, too."

Auntie Harriet said, "So, you will only sing if it makes people happy?"

I said, "Yes, why else would anyone want to sing? I sing my prayers a lot because I think God likes it better. The sisters told me that all the psalms in the Bible are really songs. I like that! When I sing my prayers, I know they are coming from within me and I think that makes them special and they mean more to God." My aunties just stared at me again! GEEZE!

The car started to slow then came to a stop and the phone buzzed. Auntie Helen picked up and smiled. She hung up the phone and said, "Let's go shopping!"

John opened Helen's door and I couldn't wait so I opened mine and got out by myself. I said, "Sorry, John, I just couldn't wait."

Everybody laughed and John just shook his head and said, "In the future, Miss Angel, the proper way to exit a limousine is to wait for the driver or someone else to open your door and assist you to exit."

I apologized again and said, "I will, John, and thank you for teaching me." He chuckled and we girls entered Auntie Helen's store!

Wow, it was crowded with ladies and girls and even some men and boys! What an amazing store, so big that it would take us some time to cover the whole place! A pretty lady with just a hint of make-up on and dressed in a conservative business suit of a navy blue skirt, white silk blouse, a navy blue jacket with white hose and a pair of navy blue pumps, came over to us and said, "Helen, so nice to see you here, it has been a long time."

They hugged, cheek kissed and Helen said, "April, you look wonderful as always. The shop looks like it is doing very well, today."

April answered, "Yes, we are doing that promotion you suggested. The 'FATHER and SON SHOPPING DAYS', it has turned out to be very successful."

Helen said, "I can see that, I have never seen so many men and boys in the shop before."

April said, "Yes, with a two-for-one sale they can't resist or shall I say, the mothers and daughters can't resist dragging them to the store." They both chuckled knowing that if left on their own to decide the men and boys would hardly decide to go shopping for women’s' and girls' items.

Auntie Helen motioned us over and did the introductions and I asked April, "How does the sale work that makes the men and boys come in and buy the merchandise?"

April chuckled again. "The men and boys must be the ones to stand in line and pay for the items. That is the only way they can take advantage of the sale. We have even added a small amount of men’s' and boys items for sale on these days. Normally, we are exclusively women’s' and girls merchandise. As you can see, Angel, we have many men and boys being dragged around the store and I do believe the mothers and daughters really like doing this to them." We all laughed at this knowing that most men and boys hated to go anywhere near women’s' and girls clothes.

Helen informed April that we were all here to do some "serious" shopping and April said, "Great timing, the store is open later for this sale event and Angel, you might enjoy going to the young miss section. We are promoting a new line of make-up for young girls and that includes a free make-over and if you are selected a free photo shoot."

I asked, "A photo shoot?"

She said, "Yes, we are in the middle of doing our young miss modeling hunt, this is a way we get mothers to give their approval for the initial shoot. They love to have pictures of their daughters all prettied up and we can then approach them if we think their daughter could model for us."

I laughed then. "I am already a model for Auntie Helen and a few other people so I don't think I would have time, but I would like some pictures to give to my mommy."

April looked at Helen with a very surprised look on her face and Helen only nodded not saying anything. April said, "Well, Angel, in that case come with me while Helen and Harriet do some shopping, ok?"

I looked at both my aunties, they just nodded and Harriet shooed me away with her hands and said, "I want to be able to surprise you so you just go along with April and we will find you in a little while ok?"

I said ok and went with April. She took my hand and led me through the store describing things and places as we walked. There was absolutely everything here! There is a big room just for little girls, filled with jewelry, and has an ear piercing station right there! All kinds of rings, earrings, necklaces, and bracelets, hair-clips, barrettes, gold and silver woven ribbons, and bows. WOW! We continued to walk through the store and I was amazed at all that it held within its walls. A seamstress shop, a beauty salon, places for fingers and toes to be sculpted and painted, decaled and jeweled. My goodness!

April walked me up to a section of the store where there were about twenty little girls all lined up while a few others were sitting at tables with their mommies talking to a few other ladies and filling out forms. There was a big curtain behind all this and I could hear much activity and a man barking orders to others. Flashes of light could be seen when it got quiet and I could not hear any orders being hollered out.

April walked me past this section to another room just past all this activity. I saw that this room was crowded with mommies and their daughters as well. There were several separate stations with one separated from the others by a temporary wall with wheels on it. April took me to the other side of the wall and I saw one girl and her mommy sitting there.

A young lady was doing the little girl's make-up while chatting away to both the mommy and the little girl. The young lady doing the make-up looked up at April when we entered and they both just nodded and looked at the little girl sitting in the chair. April just smiled and gestured with her head towards me. The young lady looked at me, well, more like really looked at me for several moments and smiled nodding her head up and down several times. The little girl's mommy looked at me and gave me an evil, really mean look! Holy Cow, what was that for? GEEZE!

April interrupted the make-up session by saying, "Angie, this is Helen's niece Angel, we will be back in a few minutes so hold the next girl in line for me, ok?"

Angie said, "Hi Angel, I can't wait to get my hands on you!" Oh GEEZE!

The little girl's mommy said, "So, are we dismissed out of hand then?" She said this in a very mean tone!

April answered her, "No, not at all. You will be going to the photo section in just a few minutes, but if your attitude does not change I doubt your daughter will be called back for any further photo sessions." The lady just sat there with a stunned look on her face as April led me out of there by the hand. She chuckled and said to me, "I can't help it; I just love to put bitches like that in line."

I giggled. "She was real mean and nasty; did you see the look she gave me?" April answered, "Yes Angel, I did, she saw that you were much prettier than her daughter and she did not like that one bit." I turned red then and just lowered my head. April saw this, lifted my chin with her hand, and said, "Angel, you stop that right now! Being pretty is nothing to be ashamed of so hold your head up and just keep smiling!"

I looked at her smiled and said, "Ok, April, I am just not used to all this attention and compliments. Nobody ever said these things to me before in a nice way." She looked at me with one of those questioning looks, but when I did not say anything more, we just kept walking. I kept my head up with a smile on my face from then on.

We came to a section that was walled off with those temporary walls on wheels. Behind the walls were several sections, one with all kinds of undies, the next held slips, hose, and petticoats, there were a couple of more sections that held shoes and a mini-hair salon. Some little girl was getting her nails done while another lady was blow drying and styling her hair. The little girl's mommy was nearby looking very excited and happy. The little girl looked like she wasn't having any fun at all sitting there in just a bra and panties with a clear pink tinted cape wrapped around her and tied at the back of her neck.

April handed me over to another lady who looked very happy and enjoying what she was doing. I was introduced, her name was Karen. It only took a second it seemed, and I was stripped out of all my clothes standing behind a curtain shielding me from view of the others, naked and red, red, red! Karen told me to hold on to a small handrail as she slipped a pair of the smallest pair of panties in the world! They had just a little cloth that covered my private area and only a thin strip that went between my bottom cheeks! GEEZE!

Karen said, "It's ok, Angel, these are only to smooth out the look when you put on the other panties." Oh, GEEZE! Then she slipped a pair of the frilliest panties I have ever seen up my legs and smoothed them out over my bottom. They were light blue and had white lace all over them row after row. Then she slipped a strapless bra around me and fastened it in the back. She gently positioned my breasts inside the cups making sure my nipples were right in the center. This bra was very light and sheer you could clearly see my nipples through it! GEEZE! It was light blue just like the panties with white lace just around the edges of the cups separating them and making my nipples even more noticeable! GEEZE!

Karen said, "Angel, this next item might be a little uncomfortable but we need to make your waist just a little bit smaller for the dress I think is perfect for you." She then picked up a wide-looking garment that was light blue satin with rows of tiny white lace; in the back of it were many little holes like those that lace-up shoes have. There was a long one-piece string, made of what looked like many woven, light blue, shiny threads that had a knot tied in the middle of it. The front had two sides, one with little metal pegs and the other had metal clips with holes in the ends of them.

Karen slipped it around my belly and waist, positioning the pegs into the holes. She then started tightening the strings in the back! Oh, GEEZE! She told me to relax a minute and measured me around my waist. It was a little hard catching my breath! She clucked a little and said, "Just a little tighter and you will be ready ok, Angel?"

I looked at her and said, "Tighter? I don't think I could breathe if you tightened this thing anymore!"

She chuckled. "Honey, you will be fine, just relax, take shallow breaths until you can breathe better. The waist nipper will adjust to you in a little while." Oh GEEZE!

I said, "Ok Karen, but I hope it doesn't need much more tightening."

She laughed a little and said, "Just an inch more and you will be perfect for the most beautiful dress in the store for girls your age. I swear, Angel, this dress was made with you in mind!" Oh GEEZE!

A few minutes later Karen did tighten me up "just another inch," oh Lord, that was tight but what a wonderful looking waistline I had now! I saw a young girl in a mirror and thought that it could not be me. I moved and she moved, I winked and she winked. Karen started laughing while watching me and I giggled as well. I said, "I can't believe that girl is me!"

She said, "Oh it's you, all right, and I can't wait to see you when we are all finished." She put a solid, pink-colored, plastic cape around me, tied it behind my neck, and led me to the salon section. Oh GEEZE! Practically naked wearing a cape, at least it wasn't clear like the one the other little girl was wearing!

She introduced me to another young lady named Rose who would be doing my nails. I sat in the chair and Rose began her work right away. It was funny what she did.

I giggled when she looked at my nails and said, "Not bad but not very good either." She looked up at me and said, "Angel, when I am done you will have very pretty nails and I want you to keep them that way, ok?"

I said ok as she put both my hands in two bowls of soapy warm water. She gathered some supplies, what looked like fingernails of various sizes and shapes. She took out one of my hands from the bowl and dried off the fingertips. She then selected various nails and when she was done with that hand, she put it back in the bowl and started on the other. In a few minutes, she came back and asked me if I had to use the ladies' room and suggested I use it anyway when I told her I didn't.

She said, "Angel, this next process will take awhile and I don't want you squirming around when I am doing it, ok?" I said ok and she showed me to the ladies' room. It was big! Two separate rooms and I saw a lady wearing a uniform standing in there! She smiled at me, led me to an empty stall and closed the door. GEEZE! When I was done, she was there again and led me to the sink and after I washed my hands, she handed me a towel. Wow, this is real cool! She smiled at me again as I thanked her very much for helping me, and she led me back out to Rose who was waiting.

Back to the chair we went and I noticed a few boys looking at me as we went back. GEEZE! Rose worked on my nails what seemed like a long time to me. She took each nail and glued the new ones on top of the real ones. They were much longer and I wondered how I would be able to use my fingers with nails this long! Rose said, "Angel, I am going to make these very pretty, and they extend only one half inch past your fingertips, so they aren't that long and you will learn how to do things you normally do in no time at all."

Sure I will, oh GEEZE! She did make them very pretty though, a light shade of shiny white with very tiny, clear blue stones she sprinkled on when the polish was still wet. COOL! She did the same with my toes only no extensions on these thank goodness! Rose said, "Ok Angel, what do you think?"

I said, "Oh Rose, they are beautiful!"

I hugged her and gave her a kiss on the cheek she smiled and said, "You will be the belle of the ball, a beautiful princess for all to enjoy." We both laughed as she led me to the hair section.

I was introduced to Carolyn who would be doing my hair and the first thing she did was holler out, "I need extensions, number twelve's light blonde! Laura, Mike, on the double!"

Wow. I said, "Hello, Carolyn, what are you going to do to me?"

She looked down (She was at least six feet tall!) at me and said, "Hello, little one, I am going to make you into the princess they want you to be, ok? Your hair is too short and we are going to make it longer and color it to a very light blonde. Then we are going to shape it and give you lots of long waves and curls."

She asked me if I needed to go potty. GEEZE! I told her I just went and she smiled while helping me sit in a chair on wheels. She rolled me over to a sink where a man named Mike told me he was going to shampoo my hair and that is what he did, several times!

Another lady came over and told me her name was Laura and she would be adding the extensions to my hair along with Carolyn. I said hello and I was wheeled to another spot under some bright lights. What they did was comb out my hair and then each would find one strand I think, and tie an extension to it then they put a drop of glue on the knot that was very close to my scalp, glued hair, GEEZE! They were very fast but this ended up taking a long time.

When they were finally done it was amazing! I now had long blonde (Several different shades.) hair that went past my shoulders and between my shoulder blades! Laura left us and Carolyn started spraying it with water and then did some cutting. Then it was back to the sink and my head was covered in another solution and off to a sit under a big hair dryer.

I sat for a long while it seemed and then it was time for the curlers and stuff. Back under the dryer and then the comb out as Carolyn called it. She tweezed my eyebrows even more than they already were! GEEZE! Then she led me to a big full-length mirror and let me see myself.

I couldn't believe it, this can't be me! There stood a very pretty girl with long flowing wavy blonde hair with spiral curls extending down each side of her face! Oh my! I smiled real big and thanked Carolyn over and over. She laughed and said, "I am glad you like it Princess. Now we are off to make-up and then get you dressed." She led me out of the area and back into the one April had introduced me to Angie at.

Angie was there and said, "Sorry Carolyn, April wants me to wait for a pretty girl named Angel." I giggled and Carolyn laughed and said, "Angie, THIS IS ANGEL!" Angie looked at me closer and smiled saying, "Come on Angel, time is a wasting your hair makes you even more beautiful, I didn't recognize you when you first came in."

I giggled and she laughed. I said, "I just can't believe all this, Angie. I mean, I came here to do some shopping with my aunties and then all this happened. I thought April said I was to get some make-up done and a picture taken."
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Angie laughed and said: "Sounds like you were set up to me Angel." She chuckled and shook her head.

I looked at her and asked, "But why would they do that?"

Angie laughed real hard and long then as she sat me down. She composed herself and said, "Honey, you have the look. Those eyes and the shape of your face, your smooth skin, and the way you carry yourself. You are a natural model." GEEZE! From a little boy geek to a little girl model I just couldn't believe it!

She looked at me and told me to relax as she began her magic. It really didn't take that long of a time to do it, either. In just a few minutes, she was done. I looked in the mirror she held for me and what I saw stunned me to stillness! My eyes, they were huge with very long lashes and my lips were full, pouting, and colored with a light pink shade of lipstick that shined. My face was very smooth and my cheeks highlighted with a slight bit of blush. WOW! I looked at Angie and said in a soft voice, "Thank you Angie, I can't believe what I am seeing. You have made me a beautiful young girl."

She hugged me and said, "I just enhanced what was already there, Sweetheart." She took my hand and led me to the dress section and Karen was there waiting for me.

Karen clapped her hands, "Oh, you are the perfect Princess, aren't you!" She was so excited that I got excited right along with her. She took off my cape and it was time for the stockings, and Karen selected a pair of white silk lace stockings for me to wear. They were very pretty and felt so nice when she slipped them over my feet and up to my thighs. To my waist nipper she slipped eight garters into little slots I had not noticed that were part of my waist nipper. Two garters in front for the left leg, and two garters for the right leg. Then there were the same for the back of my legs. She slipped them inside my panties and through the leg openings. She hooked the stocking to these and they felt wonderful! Then it was time for the crinolines and there were two of them, both real pretty, one with a silk underskirt to protect my legs. Then came the dress! Oh, it was so beautiful! I had to step into it and Karen pulled it up and zipped up the back for me. She arranged my breasts again in the top of the dress.

It was then I got a big surprise. Sylvia was standing next to me and said, "Oh Angel, a princess you are, indeed, now for the crown jewels, my dear." I was going to hug Sylvia when she stopped me and said, "None of that until all the photos are done with. We can't be messing up all the hard work everybody has done, ok?"

I said ok and just told her how glad I was to see her. She smiled took my hand and led me back through the shop to the jewelry room for young girls. The looks we were getting from everybody made me feel special and tingly all over. I giggled and so did Sylvia. We went into the jewelry room and my aunties were there waiting for me. Their eyes were huge and they both were smiling real big when they saw me.

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"It makes no difference...If you're a boy or a girl...
You're a superstar, yes, that's what you are, you know it,
Come on, Vogue" -- Madonna/Madonna and S.Pettibone

A Life Ever Changing #37

Strike a Pose

by Angel O’Hare

We went into the jewelry room and my aunties were there waiting for me. Their eyes were huge and they both were smiling real big when they saw me....

I could not believe the attention I was getting! Everyone there was staring and pointing at me. My aunties came over and had me twirl for them and when I was done, Auntie Helen said, "I just knew you were the one for this position."

My Auntie Harriet said, "Angel that gown looks like it was made with just you in mind it fits you perfectly both in style and color."

Sylvia took my hand in hers and led me to a separated section with a large mirror and red velvet colored stool placed just in front of it. I sat on the stool and she began to unfold pieces of black velvet which when opened uncovered some of the most beautiful jewelry!

Sylvia said "Angel, these are the finest my company has to offer and you, my Princess, are the first to wear them." Just then, I noticed two men that were off to the side and they were walking toward us with a purpose.

I said, "Sylvia, those men are coming over here and they look real mean!"

Sylvia chuckled and said, "Honey, they are supposed to look mean that is part of their job. They are special guards that will be protecting the jewelry and you."

I was very surprised and said, "For me? Why would I need bodyguards?" I started to laugh just thinking about it picturing myself dwarfed in between these two huge men.

Sylvia chuckled and added saying, "Angel, these jewels are worth a great deal of money if someone wanted to take them from you, you would get hurt. That is why we have guards to prevent that from happening."

I answered, "Don't you have fake jewelry? I will be very nervous wearing those."

Sylvia said, "You have nothing to be nervous about Honey, you just wear these, be happy, and smile like they were your own crown jewels, ok?"

I said, "Ok," but I knew I would still be nervous; the jewelry was very beautiful and looked very expensive!

Sylvie put in a pair of wonderful diamond earrings that dangled and glimmered in the light then a choker of woven white gold with diamonds surrounding a cameo, a bracelet of the same design without a cameo, an anklet, a ring for my right hand, and a pinky ring for my left. I was stunned as I looked in the mirror!

Sylvia then surprised me by having Aunt Harriet help her put a diamond-encrusted tiara on my head and fix it to my hair. The image I saw was stunning! People started to crowd around and the two guards quickly prevented this which caused even more people to try and see what was going on. It was decided we best move to a private enclosed area away from the costumers that were more and more gathering around our area. Store security added to the throng now gathering and four of them plus the two guards formed a wedge and we went back through the store and returned to the picture taking area. There were already a few store security personnel there and they with the other four set up a blockade to prevent any intrusions by the crowd and costumers. Our two guards with us continued behind the curtained off area and they stayed just inside the entrance.

The photographer was snapping away oblivious to what was happening around him, but one of his assistants watched everything. She came running over to us and introduced herself as Ms. Judith View and she was the Chief Assistant to Mr. Keith Edwards, the photographer. April was there, made our introductions and handed her some papers.

Judith quickly scanned them and smiled saying, "Your next, Angel, so just sit over there and relax and I will send Terri over to check you over for any last minute touch-ups and she will go over the shoot with you."

We all went over to the area pointed out to us and sat. What had to be my chair was set apart from the others, next to a mirror with lights all around it and a table. I sat there and I started to giggle. This was just too much excitement for me to keep inside. I looked in the mirror and that caused me to giggle even more! What was so funny to me was the fact that here I am a boy that looks like a very pretty girl even prettier than some of the real girls do!

My giggles started the others giggling and that did get the attention of the photographer and his assistants! The assistants all looked our way and made the hush sign holding a finger over their lips.

A lady I assumed to be Terri rushed over to us and told us in a soft but firm voice to "SHUT UP!"

We did just that and I said, "I'm very sorry, it won't happen again."

She smiled and nodded saying, "You must be Angel, let me look at you. Oh, very nice indeed, just a little different lip color and some gloss I think. Oh, I am sorry my name is Terri and after I change your lips I will go over what we will expect of you during the shoot."

My aunts made their quick introductions and Terri started changing my lip color and then added a glossy coat over that. She then said "Angel, we want you to follow everything Mr. Edwards directs you to do as quickly as you can manage it. (All the talking done in whispers.) A few of his assistants will be helping you with the poses you don't know or understand how to do. Once they tell you they are done hold that pose and listen closely to Mr. Edwards for any further instructions ok?"

I said "Ok" and Terri had me stand up and go with her closer to the shoot in progress.

Mr. Edwards noticed this and stopped taking pictures saying, "Who is this little Angel?"

Terri said, "Mr. Edwards, I would like to present Miss Angel O'Hare."

This started him laughing which started me laughing and soon bunches of people were laughing! Mr. Edwards said, "An Angel named Angel." He laughed again, which started the whole laughter thing over again. I smiled, still giggling and offered my hand to shake but instead he brought it to his lips as he bowed and kissed my fingers! Oh GEEZE!

A lady coughed loudly, we all looked at her, and she nodded in the direction of the young girl Mr. Edwards was photographing when we had come in. Mr. Edwards looked at her and said, "Oh, we're through, thank you." Some of his assistants whisked them both away with the lady looking real mad!

The introductions made by April and Mr. Edwards told us all to call him Keith as he took my hand and led me to the set. He told me to relax and started taking pictures right away! I wasn't even ready and he had not even given me any direction or his assistants either. I started to relax and smiled, it was then he started giving me direction by having me turn one way and then another. He had me turn my head certain ways sit, stand, bow, and a host of other positions! A few of his assistants helped me with some and then he paused thinking deeply.

He said to me, "Princess, I want you to think real deeply, just like you're daydreaming with your eyes open, ok?"

I said, "I will try, Mr. Edwards."

He said, "Keith, and do more than try, just do it." I tried to do what he asked but I guess I wasn't doing it right because he looked like he was not happy.

Just then, Sylvia said, "Mr. Edwards, just ask her to sing." He looked at Sylvia like she was crazy but then Auntie Helen and Auntie Harriet agreed with her and Sylvia went on to say "Angel, goes into a special place when she sings and I think that is the look you are wanting."

Keith looked at me and said, "Sing for us, Princess, and go to that special place of yours." Oh GEEZE!

I took a deep breath, went within, and began to sing. When done singing, I came back again and looked around. Flashes and more flashes! The flashes stopped and everybody started clapping, Keith looked very happy as he shouted, "That's a wrap everyone!" He came over to me picked me up in a bear hug and twirled me around in circles laughing. I started to giggle and that started everyone else laughing. When he stopped he said to me "Angel, my darling Princess, this was a perfect shoot and I can say without a doubt you will be the one. Your look is just what I have been trying to find and capture for a long time. That and you sing beautifully!" He hugged me again as he turned me over to Terri who led me back too April and the others.

I was hugged, kissed and told how wonderful I was even though I really couldn't remember anything while I sang. My aunties were all very happy which made me very happy as we were led back out into the store. WOW! What a crowd! Most of the people there clapped when I came out but some were taking their daughters away and they looked at me as if they could just shoot me right there! I looked around and saw that all the girls that were waiting when I went in were now leaving. Oh GEEZE! Those girls would not get a chance for the modeling job and that made me feel real bad. Well, they could still get their pictures taken though! That made me wonder why they were leaving so I asked April.

She said, "Those girls who are here just for the modeling job are the ones leaving Angel. The girls who still want their pictures taken will stay and get just that, ok?" That made me feel much better so I smiled and our guards and store security escorted us back to the jewelry area where Sylvia removed those beautiful items I had worn. It was back to the wardrobe area then and soon I was back in the outfit I had come in.

It was over! Thank goodness for that! The ladies in the wardrobe area and others as well kept coming in while I was trying to change congratulating me and complementing me on my singing. GEEZE! Can't I even change in peace? I would soon find out that when you are modeling privacy is not to be had!

I wanted to do some shopping and we soon found that to be impossible. Just too many people were trying to get to us, so Auntie Helen led us to the office section and April told me we would wait until the store closed and then I could shop in peace. That was an hour away! I was really tired even after all the excitement it left me kind of drained and I knew I would not want to wait for an hour, I would fall asleep first!

Auntie Helen must have realized this because she whispered in April's ear and April said, "What a great idea, why didn't I think of that!" April went to a phone and made several calls, soon after that a knock on the door was heard and in walked several ladies all holding different items. COOL! I picked several items from the choices and asked my aunties if they thought my mommy would like them. They all agreed and Auntie Helen picked a couple of more items and told the ladies to wrap all the purchases.

We talked a little while about the shoot, which caused us to laugh and giggle about certain parts of it. The phone rang and we were told by April that all was ready. We all went out together as some of the store security officers carried our bags to the limo.

Once again, we were on our way back to Auntie Helen's house. I curled up on the seat, laid my head on Auntie Helen's lap, and closed my eyes. A short while later they must have thought I was sleeping because they started talking and I knew the topic wasn’t meant for me to hear! They were saying...

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"Memory - all alone in the moonlight.
I can smile at the old days, I was beautiful then.
I remember the time I knew what happiness was.
Let the memory live again." -- Andrew Lloyd Weber/"Cats"

A Life Ever Changing #38

What Happiness Was

by Angel O’Hare

Once again we were on our way back to Auntie Helen's house. I curled up on the seat and laid my head on Auntie Helen's lap and closed my eyes. A short while later they must have thought I was sleeping because they started talking and I knew the topic was not meant for me to hear! They were saying...

Helen said, "I just don't understand why her ex-husband raped her like that. He is a louse and vermin in my book. There was no reason for what he did. Men are far too strong without the heart to go along with their strength."

Harriet answered, "When Julia told him off for cheating on her, and through him out of the house he was violent then as well. He slapped her every time she tried to answer his outbursts. He told her that it was a husband's right and a wife's duty to make love whenever he wished it. HA! Make love indeed! All he wanted was to get his satisfaction. Julia never received any pleasure from him after the first year they were married. He just didn't care; according to him she was his property! Julia is praying she does not become pregnant with two little ones now, and no support from Bill, it will be real hard if she was to have another baby to take care of."

Helen said, "They have a place with me as long as they want. She deserves better than what life has dealt her. This little one asleep in my lap has so much promise. I believe the money problems are the least of Julia's worries right now. This little one does not know it yet, but as a girl, Ricky will have a much better life. As Angel, she has made several thousand dollars already and she will make much more in the near future. No, Julia must concentrate on healing and if she is pregnant, she will have to concentrate even harder on being a mother for three. I just hope she can accept a child made out of such a violent and selfish act as rape. That will be her biggest challenge."

This type of conversation went on and on between the two of them and by listening closely I finally understood what rape meant. Such an evil thing to do to someone, what was meant to be done out of love and mutual giving was turned into a selfish and hurtful act! To force someone to submit to this by beating them into it was the most evil act of all! I never wanted to grow up to be a man like him! Maybe I could stay a girl and then grow up to be a woman. Girls and women seem to have much more fun and really care about each other! That is what I will do! I will stay a girl for my mommy and Aunties! That way I can make mommy lots of money and she won't have to work anymore and stay home with us! I sat up then startling both my Aunties as I told them my decision.

PRESENT TIME

"MY GOD!" I said aloud, "What the hell? I was a girl back then and even wanted to be one, why didn't I remember all this before now?"

Marjorie said, "Because you had a breakdown, Rachel, a severe mental breakdown shortly after all that had happened. Honey some things happened in quick succession that caused you to hide within yourself and for a long time. Helen and all the other women and girls you knew and were your good friends felt very guilty about it. They believed it was their fault and many just stayed away out of that guilt. Helen kept her promise but her house was not a happy one and your mother moved out and away from all the hurt and memories. We won't go into all that now but I want you to know that this was a very important step for you to take. One thing though, you did sing and you did model for about six months before it began to all unravel and become too much for you. You were perfect in both singing and modeling. You were very popular and it was that popularity that triggered all the problems that were to come too quickly for you to handle."

Grace said, "My Lord, Rachel, I had no idea and I am so sorry for pushing you so hard. Your mother and Aunt never told me about this part of your life, only that you were headed for severe anguish in your present state. They told me most of what happened in your early teens and up to the present time."

She looked at Marjorie and said, "Why didn't you tell me, Marge?"

"I didn't tell you because I know you too well, Grace. I told Julia and Harriet not to tell you as well. You see Rachel had to do this on her own. As Ricky, she would never have remembered, was headed for severe trauma in the near future when she did and refused to deal with it. Ricky would have gone within again and this time, maybe never have come back."

"Rachel, as Ricky you are headed for big trouble very soon. You have lived much of your life as a boy secluded and have protected yourself by caring for your home, siblings and your mother. You have only gone out in your neighborhood doing mostly lawn and garden work and that stopped when you began to be confronted by other boys your age. That is why you were looking for a job nearby. You could go to work and come back straight home without much chance for confrontation. You can't hide anymore, Rachel! As Rachel, you don't have to hide and you can begin to live your life outside of your neighborhood. When you learn how to interact with others and truly be yourself then Ricky will have a real foundation to build on and grow from. As more of your memories come back to you, you can deal with them instead of hiding and running away within as you do. One wonderful thing I do know is that your girlfriend Barbara and her parents both love you very much and will support you as Rachel. Barbara needs you and you need her. She loves you and wants to be with you. Rachel, she knows more than you think and so do her parents. Let's clean you up and fix your face so we can all go downstairs and you can begin to live your life and experience more than you have ever let yourself before, ok?"

I nodded and said, "Ok, I think I understand a lot more now. I can see that you have been telling me the truth and I know more memories are going to surface and I have to deal with them as they come. I know Barbara and the Nelsons love me, but I was unsure as to how much. I know now by what you have said that I haven't given them much credit for knowing more than I wanted or realized how much they knew about me. The funny thing is that what I remember the most right now is how much Angel had wanted to become a girl! I really hated being a boy back then because of all the hurt and pain, being a boy brought me everyday. I think I am going to really enjoy being a girl once again. I will be able to sing and be myself, at least the bigger part of myself without hiding. So, let's get me ready for my entrance shall we?"

We all got up and I sat at the vanity as Grace and Marge as she had me now call her removed my old smeared and very messed up make-up. All three of us redid my face and hair and we were now ready to rejoin the others downstairs.

I was reborn! I felt wonderful and happy again. I had not felt this good in a long time. I was ready! As we descended the stairs, I was smiling and when I saw Barbara, I ran to her and hugged her. We kissed deeply and lovingly as we broke our embrace, I looked around to see all the others smiling and happy as well. Marge was telling them everything was fine and I was truly ready for this adventure.

We girls all gathered in the kitchen as Harriet brewed tea and coffee. Barbara was sitting on my lap and she was very happy (Even though my crotch sure hurt!). After the coffee and tea were poured, we began by planning our next steps. I was to train in earnest with Grace and Harriet for the next week. Then I would go to Betty's and begin learning my job with her two girls and Grace would be there to help me in the beginning. Off and on Grace would send one of the nurses or aides from her facility to join me. This would be so I could get to know my future coworkers and learn to work with others as partners and as a team. I would be home schooled until I graduated. It would be then I would decide to go as Rachel or Rich, either decision would be up to me and with the full support of all involved which meant all those present as well as Betty and a few more people I was not yet aware of.

Shopping and more shopping were planned. This made Barbara and Mrs. Nelson excited as well because they secretly had wanted to take me shopping for some girl's clothes for a long time. We laughed and giggled when Mrs. Nelson let that one be known. My mother was happier than I had seen her in a very long time. Harriet was beside herself she was so happy and excited!

Now my mother and Harriet began to fill me in on how many people knew about me and wanted to help or at least understood. Of course, there were Mr. and Mrs. Nelson along with Barbara, Marge and three of her nurses that worked for her and even more at the hospital! Wow, I was surprised so many people knew and wanted to help me! Barbara told me that several of her girlfriends I knew from her house had felt I should at least try being a girl for a while and she knew they would love to meet and know Rachel. She said, "You know, Honey, they have already met and they already know Rachel, you just were never dressed the right way and acted a little too much of a Tomboy."

Grace said, "Rachel, no one really knows anything about this at my facility. My assistant director and good friend I can bet has her suspicions after meeting you. I also know that several of the nurses and aides thought you to be a girl dressed as a boy. I will make it a point to find out what the employees think and we will go from there, ok?"

I said, "They really thought I was a girl dressed as a boy? GEEZE, I thought my height and physique alone would be enough! I guess I was wrong as usual; one thing is certain though dressed, as this no one will think I am a boy dressed as a girl. GEEZE, even when I am dressed as a boy most people think I am a girl!"

We talked and talked bringing up the past and the future. One thing that was very important to me was that I get to sing! This would present a few problems I knew, and I am sure some of them knew as well. I would have to be careful as to where and when I did sing in public or as part of a choir. Some people who would recognize my voice could cause some serious problems. I still did not remember the catastrophic events that had happened in the past that had caused me to have a breakdown. I did know that it had to do with being exposed as a boy and probably the reactions and actions of people towards me and my family because of it. I was in no hurry to have this repeated once again. I would have to tread softly and carefully in what I did and how I exposed myself in the future. I just hoped the others saw this danger as well.

I spoke up then and said, "Listen everybody, this is very important! Some of you can remember what had happened six years ago and how hard that was on everyone. I don't remember it yet but I know I will soon enough. We must be very careful that this doesn't happen again in the degree that it did back then. I would really love to be able to sing again but I am afraid that if I do, too many people might recognize who I am."

My mother spoke up and said, "Honey, none of us ever want you to be hurt again especially to the degree of what happened years ago. One important thing about back then though was your reaction to the situations and not as much how others reacted toward you or our family and friends, after the truth was widely known. You were known as Angel back then. This name was given to you and fit you very well. Words can hurt deeply Rachel, but you were the one that ran away and hid deep within yourself. Many of the problems we had stemmed from your reaction and not the actions of the others who just refused to understand.

"You see, Darling, you were very young and wanted so much to be a girl and help me by singing and modeling. You were so happy then and when the newspaper exposed you as a boy and all the phone calls started, you did the one thing we never thought you would do. You shut us all out and decided on your own that you could not help anyone anymore. That is what the real problem was Honey. Your reaction that you could no longer help so you were now useless to everyone you loved. It wasn't true, but it was too late for us to do anything about it. You had shut down.

"The last words you said were 'I can't help anyone anymore.' We tried to get you to listen to us. Everybody tried several times but it was too late. You went into that place of yours so deeply we could not reach you. The others all felt guilty and blamed themselves for your condition and they slowly drifted away. Helen was the last to do this. She fought for you so hard and wanted us to stay with her until you were better again. The doctors said that this was a bad idea. When you woke up again they thought you would relapse if you were to return to Helen's house. That is why we moved away, she still stays in touch with me but forbade me from telling you. She is still on your side Rachel and she loves you very much. When you feel up to it, I think it would be a wonderful thing to go and visit her. What do you think about that?"

MY GOD! I was the one who caused so much distress and grief! Not me being exposed as a boy, but my reaction to that exposure! My reaction! I remembered then an important teaching I had not understood until this very moment. God's greatest gift to us is our free will! The right to make our own choices to freely choose what we will do with the gifts God has given each of us. What we choose to do with these gifts is up to us as individuals and human beings.

My being able to go within and use that gift to bring out joy in words and voice was God's gift to me. It was an answer to a prayer and I had made a wrong choice and used this gift badly. I had turned a gift of giving into a tool for my own selfish desire to hide from the world. I had turned a gift of love into something I used to hurt others! I had caused so much pain and sorrow to others unknowingly in my selfish desire to be safe within. God does not make useless things! Everything God has made and will make has its own purpose. Only God really knows what that purpose is! My purpose is to freely share these gifts with others, not hide away, and protect myself from further hurt and pain.

This understanding put many things together that were like a jigsaw puzzle seconds before. My being androgynous is a gift, not a curse! It has a purpose, which God knows well but I do not. I will use this gift as such from now on! I will use it to help others and stop thinking of myself as a poor, suffering boy stuck looking like a girl! I will not be as stupid as others are and leave everything for God to decide for me! What a lame way to blame any unwanted outcome on God and not ourselves!

I answered my mother then, "I would love to visit Helen, and I will visit her as Rachel. I would like to spend the whole day with her if I could. She helped us a lot and I now understand how much I must have hurt her by what I did. You know, I think I will be doing a lot of re-visiting. I should visit all of our old friends and let them know I don't blame them at all for what happened. I think that is the least I could do, and at least then I could mend some broken fences."

Well, the atmosphere in the room lightened considerably and I convinced Barbara that sitting on my lap was a bad idea for now. Oh boy, did my woman-made cunny hurt right then!

Marge had seen my expression, took my hand, and said, "I think we need to look at something and maybe you could use a few pills and a shot now; I have an anti-inflammatory and something to relieve the pain. Let me look you over first. Grace, could you get a towel and some ice, please?"

Barbara jumped up and said, "I will get it and I want to be the one to help, ok?"

Marge and Grace chuckled as they both nodded and Barbara asked Harriet for a towel as she went into the kitchen to get some ice from the freezer.

I looked at the fast moving Barbara and laughed. I said, "Well, she is in for a surprise!" Everybody chuckled then as Marge led me by the hand back upstairs to my room.

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

This is a short chapter that sets up the next longer chapter.

"I really want to see you,
Really want to be with you..." -- George Harrison

A Life Ever Changing #39

My Sweet…

by Angel O’Hare

I looked at the fast moving Barbara and laughed. I said, "Well, she is in for a surprise!" Everybody chuckled then as Marge led me by the hand back upstairs to my room…

As we were walking up the stairs Marge said, "Grace, would you gather the supplies we will need please and give them to Barbara? I will still need your help with Rachel's care and with teaching Barbara what she wants to know."

Grace answered, "Sure, Marge, I will have Barbara go with me and we will join you shortly."

Marge and I entered my room and I quickly undressed. I was in pain and could feel in my crotch each movement I made. The heat from that area was intense; I could feel it through everything. Once again, the thought that all this was moving so fast entered my mind. What was wanted of me and what was needed for me to do to be successful would require more than giving 100% it would require me to give 200% and more at times! Was I really up to it? Could I really become Rachel to the degree that was needed?

I had no real choice in this matter; I knew this as a certainty. Too much had been done already and if I were to say no now, disaster would be the only outcome. I can do this! I will do this! How much time would I remain as Rachel ultimately depended on me. The sooner I learned and understood what I needed to create the foundation everyone truly felt I had to have, the sooner I could return as Rich, not Ricky, not Angel, but Rich, the true me!

I must have stopped undressing myself as I was thinking about these things because I felt hands pulling my pantyhose and then my panties further down my legs. As the pressure was lessened from my cunny of the sanitary pad and belt I could feel the pain begin to ease. I felt tingling as if I were plugged into an electric socket, a constant vibrating pulse all its own. Flowing and spreading up to my waist and down to my thighs. Just then, Barbara and Grace entered the room and Barbara spread a pad on my bed along with several towels. Marge unsnapped the sanitary belt and unhooked one end of the pad freeing me from the last bit of pressure. With a grunt and shudder, I sat on the pad and towels slowly lying back with a loud sigh of relief.

I heard Barbara say "Oh, my lord! I have never seen one so swollen like that!"

Marge said, "Barbara, this is to be expected and the swelling will be gone in a few hours. The soreness will also be gone in just a few minutes."

Marge had Grace help me roll on my left side as she swabbed my bottom cheek and gave me a shot. I rolled on my back again as Marge asked Barbara for one thing after another which Grace handed to Barbara each time. I felt something wet and cool on my cunny then, which made me jump at the contact. RELIEF! Oh, that felt so good! Slowly, but surely I felt the coolness turn to numbness. Marge began to tell Barbara what she was doing and why as Grace added things to their informative conversation. I tuned them out and began thinking again...

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"But the fool on the hill sees the sun going down
And the eyes in his head see the world spinning round." -- The Beatles

A Life Ever Changing #40

The World Turning Round

by Angel O’Hare

I tuned them out and began thinking again...

My thoughts turned to the rare selfish kind, I was not familiar with the, me, myself, and I thoughts. What did I really want? What were my real desires for the future? I knew I was willing to do almost anything for those who loved me but at what cost to my self? Already I knew of two times I had withdrawn deep within enough to shut out the outside world. I also knew I did not want to do that again, if I did I would not be returning. The three strikes and you're out rule loomed large in my mind.

Fight or flight? The human instinctive reactions, I flew twice already and fought very little. I have fought, but rarely in the physical sense, it is mostly through reasoning and logic explained by others and given to me. I trusted them and even loved the majority of those, listening and following their reasoning and logic. That trust has led me to where I am now. Where the HECK am I anyway?

I am in a woman's world wrapped in an androgynous body. I’ve been physically changed to resemble a young woman through various means. Artificial boobs, hips and fingernails. I have a cunny formed from my own scrotum, my penis, testicles, trapped inside me, useless, and according to Marge impotent! The only usefulness is for urinating and that is a bit messy. I must admit that my physical features were never that manly, no Adam's apple, small breasts and a girl's shape to my bottom. My face was too smooth, with features of a girl's face much more than a boy's. I have more muscle than a girl does, but the bulk of a boy was not there. Where the HECK do I go from here?

I think I do not wish to remain female. I question this deep within myself and I know I might return to being a male whenever this period does end. Where do I go from here? I go into the world of women. I go to be like them in as many ways as I can.

I go to learn a new career in the field of health care. This I realize will be much easier to achieve as a female! Ninety-nine percent of all health care workers, save doctors, are female. The rare and few males in this field are nurses or technicians. Those few males have it very hard, being labeled, and judged unfairly by all.

I know I can do this and it will not be that hard for me to accomplish. I have the body and features that easily are transformed into that of a female, much easier than being transformed into a real working male form. To be accepted as a male I would need further drug therapy, testosterone injections, and plastic surgery. I chuckle to myself thinking about that, to be born a male and need more work to look like one than it takes to look like a female. So what the HECK do I do about it?

Nothing right now, Rachel is here and she does exist! Her future promises much more than Rich's does. So that is what I do, I become Rachel and learn all there is to learn in the time I have been given. Once I have done this I can begin my journey in becoming the real me!

Rich will survive and become more of a whole person than ever before. The knowledge I will posses and know well will be a rare thing for many other males or females for that matter to posses. To be able to understand and realize things better than most people is a gift indeed! For every gift, a price must be paid. For every action, there is a reaction. I just hope and pray the price is not too high for me to pay. Only playing out the future will give me that answer.

I heard my name and looked up to see Barbara looking at me with a worried expression on her face. I smiled, laughed, and said, "Just lost in thought, Honey." The ladies laughed then, sounding relieved and visibly relaxing.

I said, "Barbara, help me get dressed, okay? What time is it anyway?"

Barbara looked at her watch and said, "Tuesday, very early in the morning and I am very tired."

The others all nodded in agreement with her and my mother said, "Rachel, I will stay up with you and the others can get some well needed sleep."

I answered her, "No, Mommy, you go to bed as well. You look like you need to sleep as badly as they do."

Grace said, "Thanks a lot, Rachel! Do we all look that bad?"

I said, "You sure do; just look in my vanity mirror!" Grace did just that and let out a little gasp.

She looked at the other women and began to laugh saying, "She's right, we all look like hell." The other ladies joined with her in laughter as one by one they kissed and hugged me saying goodnight.

Barbara stayed with me and asked, "Rachel, do you have a nightgown I can borrow?"

I said, "I sure do; let me pick one out for you, okay?" Barbara nodded her head as I opened the closet door. I picked out a thin, white-silk sleeping gown for her. It had a matching robe covered in patterned lace. She undressed right in front of me and she is beautiful! I remembered seeing her in bra and panties but never naked. I had felt her breasts through her bra but had never seen them uncovered. She is so beautiful! She smiled, watching me, watching her.

"Are you just going to stand there naked and smiling at me?" I realized she was right; I was still naked! I chuckled and she said, "Let me pick something out for you."

She picked a light blue nightgown that was sheer, frilly, and had matching panties. I laughed seeing how short it was and that the panties had rows of lace on them. I said, "So you want me to be in frills?"

She said, "Yup, I want to sleep next to you as well. Is that okay?" I chuckled again and just motioned to my bed by bowing and sweeping my arm and hand towards it.

I dressed in the nightgown and panties, slipped in next to her pulling the sheet and blanket over us. We cuddled and kissed. Oh, what a kiss, deep and probing, a sharing and oneness I will never forget! We fell asleep facing each other; the last I remember was her smile and warmth.

I awoke to a very full bladder and a snoring Barbara. I chuckled softly and eased out of the bed, putting on my robe. The sun was up; it's shafts of light illuminating the dust particles swirling in the air near the window. I heard soft voices and noises of cooking downstairs as I walked to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror as I passed and chuckled softly once more at the reflection I saw. Rachel looked back at me chuckling as well.

I pulled down my panties and sat letting the directionless flow strike the water with a loud hiss and splashing sound. Using just enough tissue to pat myself somewhat dry, knowing the cleansing ritual would require further drying, I flushed the toilet. I went through the cleansing and then drying ritual of my cunny, noticing the swelling and redness was mostly gone. For all intents and purposes, I looked female down there. I chuckled again saying, "Good morning, Rachel," to my reflection, not expecting and not receiving a reply.

Just as I put away the last of the cleansing supplies, a very sleepy Barbara walked past me and sat on the toilet. I heard the now familiar sounds and heard her gasp. I looked toward her and she started to giggle saying, "Rachel, I didn't even see you in here!"

We both started giggling then as I left the bathroom giving her the privacy she needed. I went into my room and put on the slippers I had forgotten. I headed to the stairs and hollered to Barbara that I would meet her downstairs for breakfast. I heard her say okay as I made my way downstairs and into the kitchen.

My mother and Harriet were sitting at the table munching and talking away. They both looked rested and fresh, still dressed in their nightgowns. I said good morning and kissed them both. My mother said, "Just have a seat, Sweetheart, and I will fix you breakfast."

I said, "Thanks, Mommy, Barbara will be down shortly. So what has been planned for today?"

Harriet said, "Well, Rachel, you are going shopping with Rita and Barbara while your mother and I clean her house and the little ones. We are going to take them to the amusement park and then take them both shopping for a surprise."

My mother jumped in and said, "Honey, they both have been so good and I need to spend some quality time with them. They are feeling a little neglected and are not used to me being gone so long."

I said, "I know, I miss them a lot. Could you get them something from me and let them know I miss and love them very much?"

"Of course I will, darling. I know you miss them but we will figure something out. You can call them and send them things. You know how much they love getting mail of their own."

They really did enjoy getting mail. I used to send them cards and letters just to see them get so excited. I giggled remembering when I sent them a few gifts through the mail instead of just bringing them home. Those two went nuts! It was just like Christmas, they were so excited. I started laughing and Harriet demanded I tell her what I was thinking about so I told her and she started laughing. My mother laughed as well as Barbara entered the kitchen.

Barbara said, "Do I look that funny?" That started us all off laughing again as she sat down in a huff. I tried to explain but it was hard while trying not to laugh. She felt better and smiled once she knew we were not laughing at her.

Harriet told her the plan for the day and Barbara got very excited and happy. This started another giggle fit and this time we WERE laughing at her. She acted just as the little ones did when they got a surprise!

We had our breakfast, chatting away about anything and everything. When we were finished, Barbara and I cleaned up and washed the dishes, putting them in the strainer to air dry. My mother and Harriett went upstairs to shower and dress while Barbara and I went to my room to pick out something to wear today before our turn to shower came.

Barbara decided to borrow some panties from me and just wear what she had on the day before. We would be going to her house anyway so she could change then. My stuff was about the right size but since I was taller, all my clothes were too lengthy for her to wear comfortably. She did not want to wear a short set since we would be taking things off and on a lot while shopping. My shoulders were a little broader than hers were as well, so my blouses and T's would not fit her properly. The nightgown sure looked good on her though! We showered together and had a little fun in doing that. I liked this situation more and more!

I dressed in a wrap around skirt and a pullover blouse that Barbara picked out for me. I was glad the skirt was thick enough so I would not need a slip. This would be much easier to change into and out of while trying on outfits at the stores. A little primping with our make up, lipstick, hair and a quick check of our nails and we were ready to go. It was funny fighting over the mirror, actually setting us off into giggle fits again. I wore a pair of flats instead of the dreaded heels and opted for pantyhose instead of socks. Barbara said this would make it easier shopping. Okay, she knew best; after all, she has had lots of practice where I had so very little experience in this area.

Harriett and my mother were ready so we locked up and went out to the car. It was only when we were underway that I realized I would be right next door to my siblings! I said, "WAIT!"

Aunt Harriet quickly pulled over to the side of the road. I said, "I can't go to Barbara's house, Terry and Jerry will see me!"

My mother laughed and said, "We thought of that already, Honey. We are dropping you and Barbara off at the supermarket. Rita wants you both to pick some things up for her and she will pick you up and bring you back to her house. We will be gone by then with the kids. Harriett and I decided to clean the house after the outing."

Oh, what a relief that was! I said okay and we were off once again. We were let off at the supermarket with a list my mother handed Barbara along with some money. After all the see-you-later, love you, behave comments, Barbara and I entered the store looking over the list. The regular things like milk, bread and a bag of sugar, then there were a few items on the list that made Barbara blush.

I started to giggle at her. "I have a few in my purse if you need one now." She slapped me on the shoulder and started to giggle as well. We found the appropriate isle and I found out what she used during that time of the month. I couldn't pass this up so I asked her, "Why do you like that particular kind, Barb?" She turned all red again so I pressed on with saying, "There is so many brands to choose from why the Kotex brand, are they better?" A lady next to us started chuckling to herself and Barbara got even redder! Having a lot of fun with this I said, "I prefer the Modess brand myself. My mother told me they have been around longer and are better made."

The lady next to us turned around facing me and said, "Your mother is right, the Modess brand is better and more comfortable to wear as well. Of course, I use the napkins but my daughter insists on the tampons. You know, I think I will give them a try after all." Looking me straight in the face she asked, "Why do you prefer the tampons over the napkins, young lady?"

Now this was getting too much! Barbara started giggling then so I answered her, "I don't prefer the tampons, ma'am; I use the napkins myself."

The lady said, "Oh my, that is a switch I thought all the young women were using the tampons. At least, that is what my daughter has been telling me. Well, I guess I should at least try them, that way my daughter can't say I don't know what I'm talking about."

I said, "That is a good idea ma'am, we should at least try something once before making judgments."

She said, "You are such a smart young lady! My name is Mrs. Norma Alexander." She extended out her hand for me to grasp so I introduced Barbara and me to her.

I took the list from Barbara and said, "Well, Barb, we should be getting the rest of these things; your mother will be picking us up soon." We both said goodbye to Mrs. Alexander and off we went to hunt down the other items. When we turned the corner and entered the next aisle, Barbara punched me on the shoulder. OUCH! She laughed then and I asked her if she felt better now?

"Yes, thank you, much better." We both laughed and picked up the other items and headed for the check out.

Of all the luck, Mrs. Alexander was in front of us at the check out. Luckily, the cashier was ringing her purchases up but she did flash a package of Modess tampons at us with a smile. Barbara turned red again, so I said, "You know Barb; you should at least give the Modess brand a try." She hit me again!

We waved as Mrs. Alexander wheeled her cart out of the store and it was our turn for check out. We could see Barbara's mom pull up just as we were finished bagging up the items. I always hated waiting for the cashier to bag. I was faster and did a better job. They always tended to toss things from one hand to the other and into the bags.

We put the items in the trunk and as we got into the back seat, with Rita smiling, I said to Barbara, "Why do you dislike the Modess tampons so much?" Barbara squealed and Rita started laughing.

She asked me what that was all about so I told her what had transpired with Mrs. Alexander all the while being pummeled by Barbara. She really laughed then which set us all off laughing. As we pulled into their driveway, Rita asked Barbara, "Honey, why don't you like the Modess brand tampons?

Barbara screamed "MOTHER!"

Rita and I laughed and giggled all the way into the house...

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"Sweet dreams are made of these..." - The Eurhythmics

A Life Ever Changing #41

Who Am I to Disagree?

By Angel O’Hare

Rita and I laughed and giggled all the way into the house...

I helped Rita put away the groceries as Barbara hurriedly put away the unmentionables. Rita smiled at me and said, "Rachel, I have waited for this moment for a very long time. You just don't know how I have ached to take you shopping with Barbara and me for years. The year you came over dressed on Halloween was a dream come true for me, a turning point for Barbara as well. Did you know she was so surprised at your appearance she wanted to have me help her get you in a dress the very next day?"

I looked at Rita, a very surprised expression on my face! I just couldn't believe my girlfriend would want me in a dress, not back then anyway! I answered, "Rita, she must have known how uncomfortable I was and that I had only dressed that way because of Terry and not out of any desire on my own part. It turns out I was tricked by my mother and Aunt Harriet into wearing that outfit. Your guests didn't help me much either!"

Rita chuckled and said, "Honey, you looked beautiful and your outfit fit you very well. The colors and the way you carried yourself were perfect! Most of my guests and even the children thought you were a very beautiful girl. Even after I told several of my friends who you were they would not believe me! They thought I was trying to pull a prank on them and even after they introduced themselves to you and talked with you, they still thought you to be a very pretty girl dressed for Halloween. When they all had left and you stayed behind to help me, you were even more convincing. You relaxed and were at ease in your costume. You put on that pretty apron I gave you like a pro and you carried yourself as a girl, not as a boy named Rich. Barbara even noticed that you acted more like her and her girlfriends when you were dressed in that costume. I have never seen you so alive and animated as you were that night. That is, once the others had left.

"You have always been quiet, shy and a loner with seemingly no place of your own. You are always doing things for others and as Rich; your identity seems to be neutral to passive. When I think of you as Rich, it is with the thoughts of service. Rich aims to serve and always puts others first and foremost. As a girl, you are more alive and join in with the girls as one of them even without realizing it. It's like a natural part of you to do that."

What could I say to that? How many people are going to tell me these things? How many times have I heard these words in so many different ways, a lot of times! I looked at Rita and said, "But Rita, I have always had a good relationship with girls and I was always dressed in boy's clothes. It is just easier to be with the girls for me because everything is not a contest and they like to share openly without all the crap, like the boys do."

Rita smiled real big as Barbara walked into the kitchen joining us. "Barbara dear, remember Halloween night that Rich came over with Terry in costume?"

"Oh boy, do I! At first all I could do was stare at her, I mean him." She turned a little red at saying this. "He was so beautiful and convincing! With just that little bit of make up and that costume, he was a very beautiful girl. I remember I wanted to have her both ways, as my boyfriend and as my best girlfriend."

I was shocked! I turned red as a beet as I looked at them both. "You really can't mean that Barb, do you?"

"Oh yes, I do! Don't you remember my girlfriends picking on you? I had to actually pull them away one by one and talk to them before they would leave you alone. Ginny even wanted you to try out for cheer-leading remember?"

Oh shoot! I did remember. She was only teasing me as they all were. They even invited me to the next sleep over they were having. I did not like it one bit, I knew they were just teasing me and having fun at my expense. "I was glad you got them to leave me alone, I wanted to leave, but Terry was having a great time and I did do it for her."

Rita decided to add something here and said, "Honey, some of it was teasing at first, but their invitation for you to join them as a girl was genuine. I know because I talked to them several times after that night. Barbara often has these girls over as you know and they talked about you often and still do."

Oh GEEZE! Barbara jumped in and said, "Rachel, you just don't know how much the girls like you. They love you! When they saw you in that costume and how beautiful you were, they wanted you to join the group as a girl not out of meanness or spite. We wanted you to join our group because you belonged already, in a way and as a girl you would not be so shy and maybe even be more of a person."

More of a person, what did she mean? "Barb, what do you mean by 'being more of a person'?"

"Every time we started talking about girl stuff you shut up and drifted away, remember?"

I had to nod at this because I did remember. "I didn't feel right being a boy and talking about that stuff. I thought they would think of me as a sissy, gay, or something like that. I had enough of that said about me at school I did not need it at home to."

"You are my boyfriend! Everybody knows that! How could you think we would think you liked boys? Everybody knows you don't like boys at all. Even the ones that talk behind your back know better. That's why they say things behind your back! They know you would pulverize them if they said it to your face."

She chuckled then and I had to agree with her. Nobody said things like that to my face anymore. If they did, somebody else put them up to it and mostly it was new students trying to prove themselves. They did get pulverized, each and every time. Mostly all I had to do was grab them and toss them into the lockers or walls. Then again there were a few I did have to fight, mostly new jocks trying to prove themselves to the other jocks.

I was confused again. What did she really mean by me being a real person? I was always me! Wasn't I a real person? To me Rich was and is me! Rachel is a means to become a fuller and more knowledgeable Rich! Rachel would be only the person to help Betty and her children. Rachel would make it easier for Rich to learn and begin in this health care field run by women. The deal was an awesome one as well. To have everything provided and paid for and even my college afterwards! I turned to Rita and held her hands in mine so I would have her full attention for my next question.

"Rita, please explain to me why Rich was not a real person. Please tell me clearly, I have to know."

"Oh Honey, she did not mean it like it sounded. We heard the stories about your past, when you were little and even then, you set yourself apart from the other children. Sweetheart, just think for a minute about what I am going to tell you, okay? First, as a boy, you have very few male friends your own age. Those you do have are all beholden to you because you protect them. You know whom I am talking about, the handicapped kids at school along with the geeks and the nerds. All those children that are different than the 'in crowd'. But, are they really your good friends? Do they come to your aid or defend you? No, they are still afraid of the others, turn their backs, and walk away. You defend them and protect them because you feel it is the right thing to do. As Rich, you do not seek friends at all! It is like you don't need anyone or anything unless it serves some purpose or fulfills someone else's request of you. Rachel, Rich is only happy and outgoing with his family and with us. Even Fred noticed and mentioned to me that he thought you would be much happier as a girl. Rich just does not know any other way. Through Rachel, we all believe he will.

"Rachel, just be Rachel now okay? We are about to go shopping together and I know just the place we have to go. Barbara and I have wanted to take you shopping with us for years and now we are going to do just that. Barbara go change and do it fast, we are leaving in ten minutes, so get a move on, girl!"

Barbara took off running upstairs to her room as Rita gave her a playful smack on her butt. "MOTHER!"

Rita and I giggled watching her grab her butt as she ran.

Barbara returned in record time wearing a wrap around skirt like mine, pantyhose and flats with a pullover blouse.

Rita said "LET'S GO SHOPPING!"

We all giggled as Rita locked the front door and we all piled into the front seat of the car.

"Well girls, we are going shopping at a very elegant place that comes highly recommended and not only that, but we have an appointment after that."

Barbara and I asked at the same time "where?" Rita would only smile and had that 'you will see' look.

We drove for at least forty-five minutes on the highway and then took an exit that seemed familiar to me. The longer we drove the more familiar things looked. Oh my God! We were headed to Helen's shop! Mrs. Helen Whitmore, the very same women who befriended my mother and me when I was ten and known as Angel and a girl. She was a very talented dressmaker and specialized in matching women and young girl's fancy clothes. Mother-daughter sets she had called them. She was very rich and my family stayed with her for some time. She helped us when my mother was raped by my father and even more. I had not seen her for six years, ever since my breakdown. She had made my Soloist costume and had me do some modeling for her. I owed her a great deal for all that she had done for my family and me. I know it hurt her deeply when we had to leave her house and it was my fault!

I was getting very excited and turned to Rita and said "We are going to Helen's shop and I know she will be there waiting for us. Thank you Rita, I really want to see Helen and I know she would want to meet Rachel. The last time I remember being with her, I was Angel and then I was nowhere and no one for a while. I owe her so much!"

Rita looked over at me and smiled. Barbara wanted to meet Helen because of all that she had heard about her. We three were all very happy as we pulled into the parking lot of Helen's shop. The last time I remembered being here, I was driven here in a limo, and ending up being in a modeling shoot; Wow, what a day that was!

We pulled into a parking space we found a few rows back from the entrance. The parking lot was full, but not packed. We all got out, Rita led the way as Barbara and I walked together. We entered the shop and it was a lot different than I remembered from years ago. It now had a very elegant and very expensive decor. There was less merchandise on display and more room to walk around, sitting areas with small tables next to the couches and very comfortable chairs.

Yes, the main floor was more of a viewing area than one for browsing. There was even a small runway leading off the dressing rooms for models or customers to display the chosen clothing. A group of women were sitting, some drinking from tea cups as they watched a young girl walk down the runway. The girl was wearing a beautiful dress, white and yellow, lace, and satin. She was very happy wearing a huge smile while she twirled in front of the women. All the women were telling her how beautiful she looked and that the dress was perfect for her.

I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to see whom it was. There standing so close was Auntie Helen. She opened her arms, I fell into them, and we hugged close and tightly. She was smiling and she was shedding silent tears, as was I. She took my hand and turned to Rita and Barbara saying, "Let us go to a more private location shall we."

Hand in hand, Helen led me with Barbara and Rita following close behind to a private elevator and once we reached the second floor, into a sitting room. Once we were seated, Helen used a phone next to her chair and ordered us up some tea. She looked at me with a smile and a gleam in her eyes, which were no longer teary.
"Can I still call you Angel, Rachel?"
"If I can still call you Auntie Helen you can."
She chuckled and said, "You had better!"

We both laughed and I made the introductions and Auntie Helen shook both Barbara and Rita's hands saying, "I have heard so much about you both and I am pleased to meet you at last."

Rita answered, "We have heard just recently about you Mrs. Whitmore and all that you have done for Rachel and her family. We are very happy to meet you as well."

"Please call me Helen, Mrs. Nelson, and Barbara can call me Auntie Helen since she is so close to Angel."

"Call me Rita, Mrs. Nelson makes me sound so old, and all my good friends call me Rita."

Helen thanked her as Barbara spoke up, "Auntie Helen, I would love to hear all about Angel. I was only able to learn a little about those days."

Helen laughed and said, "Some other time, Barbara, right now it is I who must catch up. Angel, your mother has kept me informed pretty well through these years. There is just one thing I would like you to tell me and you must be honest and truthful with your answer, okay?"

I answered with a smile and said, "You can ask me anything and I have always been truthful and will continue to be, especially with you, Auntie."

She smiled and asked, "Are you prepared to stick this out until the end. What I mean to ask is; are you doing this for you as well as for the others? I know you well Angel, and you would do things for others even though you did not want to do them yourself."

WOW! She did get right down to it! I sat and thought, gathering my words carefully and answered.

"In the beginning, it was very confusing and I must admit hurtful to me when I was told I was androgynous and even gender neutral which I know now is not true. I am not gender neutral. From the beginning, I was very nervous and even suspicious. I knew it was pre-planned, but I just could not put it all together until later. At first I let them convince me because I saw it was what they thought was best for me and something they felt I must do. Then, I just couldn't take it because I just did not understand. All those I trusted and loved were telling me I was not a real person, that I was for the most part always a girl. My body was more girl than boy, and even my manliness was deformed and useless for all its intended purpose. The real shock came to me when it was so easy for them to make me appear as a girl. I knew that it would take more than that to make me appear as a man. That is when I lost it. I no longer knew who I was or even what I was. I went within and almost stayed there."

Helen began to softly cry then, she was remembering when Angel had gone within for months locking out the world.

"With Marjorie's help and the others intervention I did snap out of it. I now know that there is no escape that way. It is a foolish and selfish thing to do. It serves no purpose other than to just give up and I can't do that. The last thing I want to do is hurt others and that is what I did. I did this once before, as you know and it did more harm than good for everyone involved. Auntie, not only will I stick this out, but I have to! It is for me as well as for the others I do this. Like when I sang as Angel and then became a model for Auntie Sylvia and you. To be very truthful about it, I loved being Angel. I wanted to remain being Angel forever. I was never happier and never did I have so many good friends as then. I miss that dearly. I can only hope as Rachel I can come close to what Angel had going for her. I may become Rich once again and this I am not certain about. I only hope and pray I can be accepted as a male as well as I am accepted as a female if I do."

That said I looked around and all three of them were sobbing. GEEZE! As in answer to an unspoken prayer, there was a soft knock on the door, when no answer came from us a more insistent and louder knocking. Helen, Rita, and Barbara seemed to gather themselves at the same time as Helen got up and opened the door. A young lady came in wheeling a tray containing our teas and a platter of pastries. Helen thanked her and she left closing the door behind her.

Helen served and offered the pastries and we sat, drank, and munched. She said, "After our tea we will go back downstairs and get you young ladies a few things."

I chuckled hearing that and Barbara looked at me with that look, that 'why are you chuckling' look.

I said "The last time I heard Auntie Helen say that, I ended up being the 'Princess Model' and there was no end to the outfits." I really laughed then, as did Helen.

We were finally finished with our tea and pastries as Helen dialed the phone once again.

Oh memories, we relive them each and every day. If only we were more aware!

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"Memories light the corner of my mind.
Misty water color memories
Of the way we were." - Barbra Streisand

A Life Ever Changing #42


Scattered Pictures

by Angel O’Hare

Oh, memories, we relive them each and every day. If only we were more aware!...

Barbara was getting more excited by the second! She was squirming in her seat and tapping her toes so much that Rita said, "Barb, STOP THAT!"

Barbara instantly froze, causing us all to start laughing. Auntie Helen, still chuckling said, "Okay girl's, let us do some shopping shall we?"

Barbara was up in a nanosecond! She grabbed my hand and pulled me up as fast as she could. We all started laughing at her again; she was just so full of the shopping fever. With Auntie Helen leading the way and Rita beside her, Barbara and I still hand in hand, we left the office to SHOP!

Auntie Helen said, "I believe we will start from the skin out, is that all right with everyone?"

We all agreed and we found ourselves led into a section with beautiful lingerie. The styles were from the simplest but very elegant, to the frilliest of frillies you could imagine. There were silk and lace, nylon and cashmere with a host of other materials as well. Everything from panties and bras to corsets and stays, robes and nightie's of every conceivable kind. We could spend days here!

Helen was in Heaven and it looked like Rita was just as happy as she was. Soon Barbara and I stripped to our skins, given those disposable panties they give you when you are going to be trying on panties. Helen came over close to me as I was standing in my altogether; she looked closely, surveying me from top to bottom.

She was not disappointed because she said to me in a whisper "Angel, you are still as beautiful as I remembered you. You are taller now and your face is slightly longer and slimmer, but your eyes and your lashes are the same. Your voice has not changed much at all and that surprises me. You have reached that age of change, but you have changed little. Oh yes, you are much taller now, but that is about all, I see my little Angel in you still."

With that said, she hugged me tight and kissed me on the cheek. I returned the embrace and kiss. I felt wonderfully happy! I had hurt this woman deeply six long years ago and now it was as if we had never been apart, that's how I felt.

Auntie Helen spoke up, "I see you have a few additions, Angel. They are wonderfully crafted and it would take a professional to spot them. Your breast-forms are perfectly proportionate and equal and your hip enhancements as well, both match your skin tone perfectly and I can make out no seems at all. Who did this wonderful work?"

I turned a little red as I noticed not only Barbara and Rita were now staring at my anatomy, but the assistant saleswoman that was here was staring as well! She even came closer to get a better look! Helen took this opportunity to introduce us.

"Dolores, I would like you to meet my niece, Angel, her best friend Barbara and her mother Rita. This is Dolores everyone, she is my right hand and one of my closest friends."

We all did the hellos and then they all looked at me. GEEZE!

I answered Auntie's question, "Mrs. Brown took me to a place called, and I believe 'Anne's something or other' near the hospital. I'm sorry I don't remember right now, but I had a bit of a shock when I was there and don't really remember the before or after very well."

Auntie Helen chuckled and said, "I understand Angel, your mother told me about it, but you seem much better now."

I said, "Oh yes, Auntie, I am! I finally made the decision I needed to make. I am what I am and for now and the near future I am Rachel. I am Auntie; I am Rachel through and through. Rich is here with me and always will be. We are not separate beings, but one and the same; that’s what was causing me so much trouble you see. I was trying to separate myself! That is impossible to do without causing serious problems. I finally realized that fact and now I'm one as Rachel and after this is over I may be one as Richard."

Everybody was smiling and Auntie Helen again gave me a big hug. Dolores was smiling and I bet Auntie had filled her in. If she was a close friend, I bet she knew all about it. She must be happy for Helen.

The shopping turned serious then as item after item was brought in and we tried each and every one on! Bra and panty sets, I bet we tried on at least fifty different sets! Barbara was giddy with excitement and so was I! Between Rita and Helen giving nods of approval to several of the sets I knew we were getting at least ten bra and panty sets! Then came garter belts and stockings, pantyhose, thigh-highs, knee-highs and socks! Then it was on to slips, crinolines, camisoles, and nightwear; then on to robes and slippers, not to forget the waist-cinchers, and a corset each! GEEZE! We were in Heaven!

With Barb and I in a new panty and bra set, with pantyhose, a pair of disposable slippers and a dressing gown we ventured forth into another section. Led by Helen and Rita we were soon in a section with dresses! The same scene took place here as in the lingerie section!

Then we were led to a section with separates. Skirts, blouses and every other combination you could think of, yupper, same thing once again! You should have seen Barbara! I thought if she didn't calm down soon she would pass right out! Barbara and I saw Rita grab Helen by the arm and start shaking her head in the negative when Helen nodded to Dolores at yet another outfit we were modeling.

Helen smiled and said, "Rita, allow me to have some fun will you? It has been a very long time since I did this and I do not want to let this chance slip me by. Don't worry about a thing, dear, I can afford it easily."

Rita just stared at her open-mouthed for a good second or two and said, "Helen, I just can't believe this! Those clothes cost a fortune and I just don't know how we will ever be able to repay you for them."

Auntie Helen said, "Repay me for what Rita? I am getting my niece and her best friend a few things. I missed six years of birthdays and Christmases! I have to catch up."

She chuckled then and Rita just shook her head in disbelief. Well, on it went from section to section until we were exhausted! We had something from every department and even Barbara was tired out! Oh, she was still excited, but a tired excited. There was no way we could pack everything into Rita's car so Helen had a few things packaged for us to take with us and promised to have the others delivered.

It was time to say goodbye to my Auntie Helen and I just didn't want to! We hung on to each other for a long time in a strong hug. She whispered many promises and so did I.

Auntie Helen said, "Angel, now that we're once again a family you must come visit me, and soon."

She turned to Barbara and Rita, "You two must also come and visit, I'm sure we will have a great time and then we can catch up on everything."

It was a tearful goodbye for me, but I knew I would be seeing Auntie again! We left soon after that, headed for our appointment, happy and all tired out! Barbara, once in the car seemed to have found more energy, and launched into a fast rehash of everything that had happened! Rita and I just looked at each other and started laughing our heads off!

Barbara kept hugging me and even hitting me on the shoulder as she was retelling what we all had been through. The more excited she got, the harder she hit! That is until I hit her back! That did the trick! She stopped hitting me after that. Rita just laughed and laughed when she heard Barbara holler "OUCH!"

It was about ten minutes of driving after we left Helen's that we arrived at our next destination.

Rita said, "Here we are, girls!"

As we pulled into a parking spot close by Sylvia's jewelry shop! Oh my God, this was just too much! It was too much for me to wait for Barbara and Rita! I ran ahead and entered the shop with Rita and Barbara rushing to catch up. There she was! She was busy with a customer sitting at the viewing table. She looked up and I saw the recognition in her eyes. I know we both had 'that look' close friends get when meeting again after a long separation.

Sylvia, ignoring her customers surprised reaction, just stood up and rushed over to me. We hugged and hugged and we both had tears in our eyes when we finally separated.

All Sylvia said was, "In my office all three of you, NOW!"

We chuckled and entered Sylvia's office. Sylvia went back to her customer and in only a few seconds returned.

She said, "The shop is closed and now we can relax and catch up."

Rita was looking around the room, which had pictures all over the walls. I mean there were hundreds of pictures! From very small ones to a few large ones and it was then I realized some of them were of Angel. Sylvia pointed to one of the larger ones, which had me dressed and bejeweled at the Choir finals. I was in mid-song in this picture as the image had captured that expression and the life in my eyes. Yes, I was completely lost in the sound and song, which the photographer had captured perfectly.

Sylvia said, "That is our Angel at her best. Her purest form as all her friends will tell you. Here she is caught in mid-song and full of life, actually radiating the sound and one with it. I love that picture the most of all."

Rita said, "She is so tiny! Compared to the others she looks almost like a baby. Rachel, you were absolutely stunning and such a beautiful child!"

OH GEEZE! I said, "That is what they tell me, but really it was only when I sang that I looked like that. Mostly I just looked like a baby and was treated like I was by most people."

Barbara was walking around the room looking at 'my' pictures. She said, "Rachel, in some of these you are in baby clothes. You look so cute!"

Oh shoot! I looked at Sylvia with that "you didn't" look and she started to giggle! Rita looked at the pictures closer and started giggling as well. Then Barbara started laughing and soon we were all laughing!

Sylvia looked at me and said, "Well Angel, are you going to do the introductions or should I just introduce myself?" OOPS!

I did the introductions and they went through the nice to finally meet you routine. Sylvia took out a photo album from a file cabinet. It was a thick one and on the front, it read "Our Perfect Little Angel" Oh GEEZE!

They had a lot of fun at my expense when she showed them my baby modeling shots! They really liked the ones that I was bent over, showing off the Rumba panties! You could tell I was heavily diapered and those ruffles! GEEZE!

Barbara couldn't get enough! She even wanted copies! I just shook my head and said 'NO WAY!' That started her pouting, but we all just laughed. Rita got her chance to hear about a few episodes of Angel events, as Sylvia just loved telling her story after story!

Now I had remembered some of what had happened and what I had done from back then. It was not until Sylvia began telling Rita and Barbara events from her perspective that other memories began pouring back. Yes, I began to remember times and events in a flood then. It was as if I had never really forgotten any of them. I guess I hadn't because here they were alive and well in my mind once more. They were wonderful memories and all I could remember of them was how special each and every day was back then. I just sat back and remembered leaving them to each other and Sylvia telling the tales of Angel.

Oh the memories, the very close friends and special times! The modeling and the singing, the clothes and the jewelry, the modeling shoots and all the special attention I received from almost everyone. The money my mother needed so badly back then, I as a child had earned for her and my little brother and very new baby sister! A baby sister that was born out of an act of rape and cruel violence against my mother by my father, that act had drawn all of us even closer still!

It was then I remembered what had brought it all, to an abrupt and disastrous end. I shook off that memory long enough to listen in on Sylvia. She was telling them about my selection as the Princess for the clothes modeling at Helens. I knew that one would take awhile so I went back to my newfound memories. I remembered we had just won the National Choir Finals and we were having our pictures taken and the press was asking questions. There was a bunch of reporters all asking questions at the same time. They were asking not us children, but the grown-ups. The officials and the choir directors were all there just for this purpose. I wasn't listening to them because I was very excited and so were the other members of the choir. We were all talking excitedly, hugging, and kissing each other. That is every second when we weren't posing for pictures.

I learned the next day what had happened and the questions that hurt the most had been published in our town paper. They were published in some of the big papers as well, but the nasty story was in our town paper!

I could still feel the hurt and pain as I remembered this event! I could feel the silent tears start to fall as I remembered each painful word. The headline read "Town 'SISSY' Helps Girl's Choir Group Win National Title!" Oh did that strike deep! The article that went with the headline was even worse! The reporter had planned this all along because he had done an investigation of me long before the finals. In essence, the article outlined all of Angel's activities. The modeling jobs, and even how I was 'discovered' as the soloist. Yes, he even put in what I was wearing that day right down to the flowered panties. I remembered as I sat and read the article that spanned from the front page to several sections further inside the paper, how awful I felt with each and every sentence I read.

It was not until I answered the phone several times that I just went up to my room and lay on the bed in tears. I heard cars driving by and people honking their horns hollering out horrible things. I heard them call me a faggot, a girly boy; a sissy and they even threatened me with beatings and rape! They wanted me to give them blowjobs and be there sissy maids! This went on and on until I just went within and made everything go quiet and disappear.

Yes, for months I just stayed within myself, locked inside myself safely hidden from all that was hurting me. I felt I was no longer of any use to those I loved. What could I do for them now, nothing! I was useless to everybody including me! I could not show my face anywhere or even go to school.

No, I ended up in a child psychiatric ward at a private hospital a long way from my home. Auntie Helen saw to all of it. This lasted for months until I finally opened my eyes and looked around me. My mother was there by my side. I was even too weak to raise my arms and hug her. It was she who took me in her arms and held me close and tight. Now six years later I was finally remembering it all and dealing with it, as I should have long ago.

I came aware of my immediate surroundings once again as I felt a hand wiping away my silent tears. I opened my eyes and there was Sylvia smiling, but with a look of concern in her eyes.

I smiled back and said, "Oh, I was just remembering that time I left everyone who cared for me. I'm fine now, it is just with the memory came the pain and hurt. That will never happen again I know. Most of what I remember is full of joy, happiness and much love."

I laughed then which helped immensely and everyone was soon back to telling tales of this time and that event. Sylvia loved the Halloween story! We all laughed and with each memory and moment talked about I was once again reminded how lucky I really am.

It had gotten very late and a police car pulled up outside and a policeman got out and knocked on the door while shining his flashlight at us. His partner had the cars floodlight pointed at the front door as well. Sylvia chuckled and got up and let the officer inside. He knew her well and she explained why she was still at the shop this late. The police left and we noticed how late it really was. So after the promise of getting together again soon at Auntie Helen's, Rita, Barbara and I were headed back home.

Oh GEEZE! Barbara had a large manila envelope in her hands! She was smiling ear to ear and giggling as well! I knew what she had and I didn't like it much! Sylvia had given her some of the pictures! I made her promise never to show them to anyone. I don't think she meant it! I saw her keep her fingers crossed as she promised me and we all know what that means!

----^^^^----

Scattered pictures of the smiles we left behind,
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were.

Can it be that it was all so simple then,
Or has time rewritten every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again,
Tell me? would we? could we?
Memories may be beautiful and yet,
What's too painful to remember
We simply choose to forget.
So it's the laughter
We will remember,
Whenever we remember
The way we were;
The way we were.

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"Sweet dreams till sunbeams find you
Sweet dreams that leave all worries behind you
But in your dreams whatever they be
Dream a little dream of me..."
- Gus Kahn, Wilbur Schwandt and Fabian Andree

A Life Ever Changing #43

Dream a Little Dream

by Angel O'Hare

Oh GEEZE! Barbara had a large manila envelope in her hands! She was smiling ear to ear and giggling as well! I knew what she had and I didn't like it much! Sylvia had given her some of the pictures! I made her promise never to show them to anyone. I don't think she meant it! I saw her keep her fingers crossed as she promised me and we all know what that means!..

We were all very tired now as we drove back to my new home at Auntie Harriet's. What a day it was, so full of wonderful moments and joyful reunions, the car stuffed with new clothes and Barbara guarding her manila envelope filled with pictures of my childhood as Angel.

My thoughts turned to Auntie Helen and I must admit, when she had called me Angel, I felt both love and sorrow. Love for her and the many true friends I did have back then. I belonged, I felt for the first time in my young life, part of a group. Part of something wonderful and I had something to offer and give freely of myself. The real funny part of it all was that my success and all my friendships were as Angel, a ten-year old girl.

Ricky? Well, Ricky was a loner with few real friends. No friends, as-a-matter of fact, not one boy my age would ever say they were my friend. If they did, their friends would turn on them in an instant. I know it happened a couple of times. One day I had a friend and the next he was calling me names right along with all the rest of the boys in the neighborhood. Life can be so cruel, yet turn right around, and be as kind and loving as your mother.

The girls became my friends and so many of their mothers as well. Some used me and wanted me to be a girl. They did all sorts of things to trick me into girl's clothes and almost always had me in frilly looking aprons. I had made very good money mowing lawns and doing chores for the women of my neighborhood. That is, good money for a nine-year old. The trouble only started when I started doing chores inside the homes. That is where all the feminizations took place. (Those memories I might write about in another book. I will call it "ANGEL"). For now, the present beckons me with all its might!

"I'm sorry, what did you say, Mrs. Nelson?" I was lost in thought.

Rita chuckled "I know that, Rachel, welcome back to earth."

We all laughed at that one and she went on.

"Helen and Sylvia are wonderful ladies, Rachel, and I am so glad we met them. I can see how much they love you and are part of your family. Your past was so full of happiness and joy when they were part of your life. Yes, there were the tough times, but they were there for you and your mother. Sylvia told me a story about a little boy who decided to become a little girl for his mother. He made that decision based on the knowledge that he could help her more by being a girl, and he gave his mother and little brother all his money without asking for anything in return."

I cut her off right there!

"I did get a lot of things, Mrs. Nelson. What did I need with all that money? I got to keep bunches of outfits and I had real friends. I belonged to a group for the first time and I was a real part in that group. I was very lucky, I got to stay at Auntie Helen's home, protected from all the people who would have hurt me in oh, so many ways if they saw me walking around dressed as and being a girl. I could never have done that at my house.

"I was given so much that I had craved and really needed. The funny thing about all of it was; I had to be a girl to receive it."

I laughed then and I mean I laughed! How ironic that just six years later here I am dressed and really looking and feeling like a girl once again, from Ricky to Angel to Ricky to Rich and now I am Rachel!

I have a future, a great job, and many new friends thanks to Grace, my mother and Auntie Harriet. Oh and I can't forget Marjorie! She helped me back then and now as I look down at my lap, she sure did help me again! Giggle, giggle.

"OUCH! Barb, why did you hit me?"

"Well Rachel, you are laughing and giggling and I don't know why, so out with it!"

I told them and all of us had a good laugh!

I looked over at Barb and she was still guarding that envelope! She gave me that warning look. You know the one, the 'don't even think about it' look!

Oh well, I bet the girls club will be after me next!

Great, Auntie Harriet's and my new home at last!

As we pulled in my mom and Harriet came out to meet us. We hugged and kissed then, Barb launched into her never-ending stream, trying to tell them all about it in one breath! GEEZE!

I yelled! "HOLD IT!"

Everyone shut up and looked at me.

"We have a lot of stuff to unload; then and only then we can all have some coffee, sit down and relax as Barbara tells all!"

"OUCH! Darn it Barb, stop hitting me!"

Everyone started laughing, but not Barbara.

Each of us grabbed an armload and laid everything of mine out in the living room. Rita and I got the rest and returned only to find that the others were already in the kitchen! We could hear Barbara chatting away a mile a minute. We both looked at each other and started laughing. What the heck, off to the kitchen we went.

Oh GEEZE, pictures! Those darn pictures were laid out on the kitchen table. My mom and Harriet had the biggest smiles! Barb was so excited she was pacing around hopping from one foot to the other and talking a mile a minute trying to catch her breath every once in a while.

Rita and I helped ourselves to a cup of coffee and joined them. They all were having a great time and I was exhausted. I let them know I was headed for bed and after the hugs and kisses, off to bed I went.

Oh brother, I forgot. Remove the make-up and do the cleansing thing. Well, I had to pee anyway. It was then I decided to name my new female anatomy 'Kitten'. Well, it really isn't a real 'pussy' and I hate that word anyway, so I thought, yup, a kitten was appropriate. Giggle, giggle.

I put everything away where it should be; the dirty unders into the 'to be hand washed' hamper and I hung up the rest of my clothes. I was exhausted and as soon as I completed what was needed, I fell onto my bed and fell asleep.

Dreams, the type of dreams are many and a whole science is devoted to them now. Dreams can be and often are so realistic yet hold their real meanings in a cryptic symbolism we must interpret somehow and in some way. Interpretation of anything has its drawbacks. We are forced to interpret many things in life and many of us wrongly interpret them over and over again.

Just look at the many different religions! Each has its own interpretations of the meanings of a book. Then you have the divisions of those same religions all based on different interpretations of that same book. Well, not really the same book because there are different versions of that book as well. Giggle, giggle.

Dreams and our interpretations of them are part of life's mysteries. Complicated is an understatement especially for the intersexed! We actually have two sets of dreams in one. Our true inner selves and our souls live in our dreams and so does the reality of our shells, our bodies.

Few of us are blessed with androgynous bodies and fewer still with truly feminine looks. Most are truly little girls or women inside and their souls scream out to live as such. Only reality has given them a hard twist, as their shells are total male in all ways. From a prominent thyroid cartilage, (Adam's apple) to thick bones and strong facial features, hands that can crush a beer can with two fingers and a voice strong and deep. To these people real life is a nightmare and often leads them to despair.

I am a very lucky person; yes lucky, because it takes less effort to make me look feminine than it does to make me look masculine. Most intersexed people do not have it this way. My problem? I was born a boy and society has left its mark on us all.

Sweet beautiful dreams, one after the other in living color and as realistic as dreams can be. I am Rachel, pretty and happy. My eyes sparkle with a power of hidden knowledge and strength. My smile, so inviting to others, compelling them to come and talk to me and share their inner beings, knowing I will freely share myself. Little girls and women, all sharing, surround me with one another as the dreams shifts to another view. A view I do not like! I am just seeing the outside of things, the shells, which hold little true meaning, but what society calls truth of the beholder. Society teaches us that pictures never lie and what the eyes see is in truth reality.

I know better! Most Transgendered people know this as false teaching! Like the old saying, that is a direct opposite of what society teaches us 'do not judge a book by its cover'; we know that what is important and true is what is within us, not what our bodies look like!

My dreams shift back and forth, teaching me and trying to make sense out of a life so complicated. Our dreams show us much more than we ever give them credit for. To many of us wake up and in an instant, our dreams are forgotten. I learned! I understood and I remembered.

My true self, and the only way my life would match this truth, was as Rachel, not Rich, whom was I kidding? Yes, the truth has set me free, or has it?

--^^--

Morning, the sun's rays warm my face and my eyes can sense their brightness. I wake to find Auntie sitting in a chair next to my bed, smiling down at me. Her gaze giving off the great love she has for me.

"Good morning, sleepy head. We have a lot to do today so hurry up and get dressed. Breakfast will be ready soon."

She stood up and bent over giving my cheek a gentle loving kiss and then she slapped me hard on my bottom! Ouch! I giggled and got up to begin the morning rituals. A good forty-five minutes later, I was in the kitchen having French toast and coffee. This was orientation day! The beginning lessons of what I was to become as a direct caregiver.

Grace would be here soon and I would be learning many things quickly. My Aunt Harriett being the first person I was to provide direct care too. We were laughing because she was already wearing her Johnny-gown and comfort bra. She had chosen one of the childish patterns of Teddy Bears for her Johnny. She twirled and modeled it, giggling like a child, which then infected me and we were both giggling like children as Grace walked in. This set off more giggle fits as Grace helped herself to some French toast and a cup of black coffee.

Grace, after a bite and a sip of her black coffee, gave us both a look that made us stop our giggling.

"Today we are going to be very busy and you must be serious about everything we are going to do. The time is short and soon you will be taking care of two very difficult children in adult bodies. Harriett, you must act as I am going to instruct you. You will be one of those difficult children and you must be as realistic as you can manage. Rachel, at first you will learn the basics of direct care and then you will have to give this same care to a very reluctant person. It is very different, providing care to a reluctant and combative person, than for one willing to receive care. If you do something the wrong way, one of you can get injured and sometimes both of you. So listen closely and pay close attention to all the steps you must learn. If you do, you will succeed and if you don't you are sure to fail."

With that said, and as she finished her light breakfast, we began our lessons in earnest.

I won't go into the many things one must learn and do well while caring for others most basic needs. I will only say that even providing this care for someone not fighting you is a hard and many times a thankless job. Your only reward is in knowing that you are providing the care that this person needs and you are giving them your best. For the reluctant and combative person, providing them this care is exhausting! LORDY, is it ever exhausting!

This is a whole different scene entirely. The biggest key to providing quality care to any individual is by knowing that individual. The only way to do this is by actually caring for them and the time it takes to get to know them and their reactions to everything. That learning time, must be kept to a minimum or your job will be very hard indeed!

All too soon, the days passed and hours and hours of lessons learned. I was as ready as I would be. My Aunt Harriet held no secrets from me now. I knew her personality and her body better than my own. Once we were both over the initial shock of exposure and being touched, washed and even the embarrassing treatments such as douches, enemas, suppositories, shaving and many other intimate procedures, we progressed very rapidly. Yes, I too had to be the recipient of direct care. Grace said it was better for me to understand what it was like being on the receiving end as well as the providing end. She was right! It did give me a better understanding of the reactions a person receiving this care would have.

The hardest part of my learning was when Harriett was combative! Try changing a wet and soiled adult when they are fighting you! You can't. You must use your knowledge of them and get them to be calm and compliant. No easy task let me tell you! It is hard to complete any task with a combative person. I was to be taking care of two combative children trapped in adult bodies.

--^^--

It was time; I was off to Betty's and my first day of actual care giving. To say I was nervous would be an understatement. I was actually feeling ill I was so scared! The night before I set out to be well prepared, my father's saying repeating itself in my head, "Prior Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor Performance." I prepared the best I could.

I was dressed in Betty's favorite outfit. The one she had given to me as a present. It fit very well indeed and I no longer needed those special panties. A minimum of make-up and my hair pulled back in a high ponytail held tight to my head with a light blue Scrunchie. I looked in my mirror and smiled, Rachel you are a pretty one! I giggled, grabbed my purse, and walked down the stairs.

At Grace's suggestion, I wore stud earrings and no necklace. Combative people tend to grab onto things dangling, so I did not want to offer any hand holds to these two combative children in adult bodies. Grace was already here and Harriett looked as nervous as I was. My mother surprised us as she walked in, giving me a hug and a kiss, she offered me encouragement and gave me her love. I was as ready as I would be and after a very light breakfast of toast and coffee, Betty's driver and car pulled in.

It was a big black Lincoln Continental with the suicide doors! I heard about these doors and only the Lincoln Continentals had them. The back seat doors had the handles next to the front doors. When you opened them, the doors swung open the opposite way of any other car. Entering one of these wearing a regular dress or skirt was difficult without showing something you shouldn't. There was a trick to it. Trying this with a short dress was next to impossible! Exiting these cars was a breeze.

The driver came to the door and introduced himself as Harry. Thankfully Grace was coming with me my first week. We both entered the car and Grace showed me how to enter this type of car wearing a dress. I giggled because you still ended up showing a lot of leg. One hand held either the driver's hand or the door's handhold on the inside as your other hand swept under your bottom holding your dress close to your legs as you sat down and withdrew your hand. You then swung your legs inside the car quickly grabbing the part of your dress or skirt hanging out the door. This is when you showed the most leg and in this car, everybody could see right in. The driver was to stand in a specific place, to provide you with a shield from view. Only the experienced drivers knew this, either that or they wanted to let people see the show!

We were off and Grace filled the time of our drive with last minute reminders to me. I was thankful for that because I was very, very nervous. I was confident though, knowing I had been taught by the best and very thoroughly. Soon enough we arrived, at the gates of the 'Mountain View Estates.' A guardhouse was there and a pretty female guard dressed in a very smart uniform approached us. A big tough looking male guard was standing in front of the gate. He was big! He was handsome, but he had the look that you did not want to cross this man!

The female guard waved to Harry and our window slid down automatically, I guess controlled by the driver. It opened on Grace's side of the car and the guard introduced herself as Officer Margaret Maxell. We had to answer a few questions, which she wrote down on a form attached to a clipboard. We also had to provide her with a picture of me, which Grace had with her. I was to be given an ID card on my next pass through. Margaret then waved to the male guard and he opened the gates.

We drove through and passed several huge homes and a few you only saw a gate and driveway. It took us another five minutes to get to Betty's estate. When we pulled up to set of beautiful carved solid wooden gates Harry stopped and pressed a button in a box attached to his sun visor. The gates slid open slowly and I entered a different world.

Note: A continuing story series of teasing scenes, part reminiscence, part fantasy

"The long and winding road that leads to your door,
Will never disappear, I've seen that road before It always leads me here,
leads me to your door." -- The Beatles

A Life Ever Changing #44

The Final Chapter
by Angel O'Hare

We drove through, and passed several huge homes and a few where you only saw a gate and driveway. It took us another five minutes to get to Betty's estate. When we pulled up to a set of beautifully carved, solid wooden gates, Harry stopped and pressed a button in a box attached to his sun visor. The gates slid open slowly, and I entered a different world…

This world I now entered greeted me as a servant and not a guest. I was hired help, and everyone who lived within the guarded main gates would soon be categorizing me. With a wave of a hand or a pert little nod, they would dismiss me. I didn't belong as a member, nor would I ever reach anything near equality while living here.

I did not doubt my welcome into this particular household, though. I am needed here! Yes, once again, I felt like I was actually needed, my new skills and my new looks were welcome in a desperate way. Two human beings needed care, care that their parents could no longer give them in safety. I had seen pictures of the twins, pictures that showed them at their best and worst. I had seen them happy, sad, laughing, and crying. They showed them sleeping, waking up, full of energy and exhausted, ready to nod off. The funny thing was that they not only looked like each other, but that they were always in the same state. Never did I see one fully awake while the other slept. I did not see one picture where one was happy while the other was sad. These twins shared a bond that was deeper, and strong or stronger, than any two people I had ever met.

It is a funny thing when time slows to a mere crawl. A drive that should take only a couple of minutes seems to take an hour or more. This was one of those times. My mind flashed thoughts and pictures at an unbelievable rate. As Henry drove us closer and closer to the main house, we seemed to have slowed to a mere crawl. My mind swirled with activity, absorbing all of my attention.

How did I get there? I mean, here I was with some of the highest grades in the state. I would be going to almost any college I chose to attend. I studied hard so I could get an academic scholarship to a good college and now I didn't need a scholarship! My present employers would pay for my future schooling. I never planned on being a nursing assistant! I thought I would be getting a job in dietary or maintenance, not in health care, taking care of other people.

I had thought Rich would be helping at filling food trays or mopping floors. Instead, I found Rich was not the person that would be working at all. No, Rachel Anne was born.

Rachel Anne: Who is this girl, anyway? I guess Rachel Anne is me, a slow progression and acknowledgement of what I truly am. Ricky was first a malformed and very sick baby his father refused to acknowledge as his. Yes, my daddy refused to even bother with Ricky, the little boy everyone thought was a little girl. I was his embarrassment, his living lie. My mother and aunt were all I had. Then after daddy was gone, my life was a little happier. It was happier if I let others think what they wanted about me and I didn't protest. I found out early that it was best to let them think what they wanted instead of insisting they know the truth. I hurt less and I didn't have to deal with others not believing me. Funny how it was that no boys ever wanted to be my friend for more than a day or two because of what their parents knew and said. Either their parents or the other kids in my neighborhood would say this or that. Once the word spread, I would, yet again, be alone and unwanted by all besides my mommy and auntie.

I was about nine when everything started to change for me. My way of thinking about things helped me deal with my situation and also made me mature in ways unlike other children my age. It was also when I was to learn how others wanted me to be and act for them. I found work and made money, but there was a catch most of the time. The ladies I worked for seemed to delight in having me dress as much like a girl as they could maneuver me into. Soon, Angel was created my first real experience living as a little girl.

Angel was very happy! She was wanted and needed by many, she had friends her own age and was well liked, unlike little Ricky. Angel helped her family when tragedy stuck. Ricky was useless, but Angel could help, was welcomed and loved by more people than Ricky could even hope for. Everything little Ricky desired and dreamed of happening to him became reality for Angel. Ricky had a voice of an angel, but was picked on and ridiculed for it. Angel was a star and a soloist! Ricky was called a sissy, a queer, and useless, but Angel was called beautiful; was very talented and welcomed everywhere she went. Ricky mowed lawns, did chores and ended up wearing frilly aprons and dresses more times than not. If he were to make any money for his family, he had to put up with being feminized by almost all of the ladies he worked for, it was very hard on Ricky, but what else could he do? Angel? Well, Angel excelled where Ricky just hung on. She became a model, not only of clothes but for jewelry as well. She soon became a celebrity and a nationally known soloist. Her picture was in several catalogs and in newspapers. Then disaster struck!

Angel was Ricky! Everyone read that the new little girl star was actually a fraud! She was actually a little boy, a useless little boy who didn't deserve to stand in the shadow of the little girl Angel was! Ricky, who tried so hard, but never given a chance because of his looks and voice, was once again exposed as the 'it' he was.

The very people who had admired Angel now hated Ricky and helped drive him into a catatonic state for six months. Now, they drove by his home hollering evil, hateful things for all nearby to hear. Now, they called, one after the other, on the phone to utter threats and other hateful things to Ricky, day after day. The neighborhood kids threw things at him and beat him up; they drove him to stay inside his home just for survival. Yes, Ricky went within and stayed there for almost six months! Can you blame him?

Later, he came back after help from doctors, nurses, his loving mother, and aunt. A move to a new home and neighborhood helped; Barbara, the little girl next door, who liked Ricky just as he was, did too. Her mother and her father liked Ricky a lot as well. Things were going pretty good for Ricky until school started. Anytime Ricky was not actually in class, life was hell for him. Lunchtime, recess, gym, and, when he had to sing in music class, were nightmares.

Home was his refuge and safe haven. His world was his family: his little brother, sister and his girlfriend, Barbara. He lost himself in his studies, reading and taking care of the house and yard. He lived to help others and especially his mother. He kept the home spotless and cooked meals. He learned to sew and to do laundry. He ironed and starched; knitted and darned. He bathed his baby brother and sister; fed them and changed their diapers; dressed them and played with them; he taught his mentally handicapped little brother as best he could. He was the best daughter a mother could ever ask for!

He had buried the past deep within himself, locking it away forever. It only came peeking back at certain times and he forced it back under lock and key as soon as he could. Like the time he took his sister to the Halloween party at his neighbor's home. No choice of what to wear as a costume; it turned out that he was beautiful as a girl! Not one-person thought of him as a boy dressed that way. No, even his closest friend and her mother thought he was a beautiful girl that night. It was so easy for Rich to disappear and forgotten, as this young lady made her appearance. She stole the show and everyone had nice things to say to her. She was beautiful and so well mannered.

What next? The disease, to Rich, it was a disease, but it was 'just' a medical condition few suffered from. His body was flawed. He had known this long ago, but had no idea what the future had in store for him! No Thyroid Cartilage, (Adam's Apple) With the skeletal structure of a female right down to his arms and hands. He had all that and the poor excuse of the one male item he had, the one thing that refused to grow with the rest of him. Yes, puberty did start, a bit late and slow, but it did begin. Too bad it was a female puberty and not the male puberty he had prayed so hard to his own private angel for.

Sixteen years old with budding breasts and a round bottom, hips developing wide and arms that had a curve just like all girls have. He was in peak physical condition because he worked out everyday and very hard. It was his stress relief and he always needed plenty of stress relief! He didn't need a corset to have his waist look trim and thin; it was! The only help he needed was to look his age. Sixteen year-old girls had bigger breasts and wider hips. They were already well into puberty, whereas he was really just starting. The weirdest thing was how little it took to transform him into a beautiful girl, not just a good-looking cute girl, but also a real beauty -- a quality reserved for models and movie stars. A little here and a little there with a touch of make up, fingernail polish, and a splash of perfume and he was ready for his clothes. This small effort would stop people in their tracks. They would stare with their mouths open and often ask who she was. They would swear that they had seen her on a magazine cover or in a commercial. Rich was in a fight for his very life and he knew it. What did he do? He ran once again; he ran by going within himself and almost stayed there forever!

Reality is a hard taskmaster or even mistress, is it not? Ask anyone trapped in the wrong body; they can tell you about reality as it truly is! Ask the many boys that are in reality, girls! Ask the girls that are in reality, boys! And then there is Rich's case, a little different than most others in that he is a boy who wants to be a boy in a slowly developing girl's body with a worthless penis making him what?

Gender Dysphoria, does it fit this case? Gender Dysphoria, literally a misery with regard to gender, is the condition of being in a state of conflict between gender and physical sex.

Well, if that is so, then what is my gender, really? What is my physical sex based on? I have a penis, so am I male? I'm slowly developing as a female, but have a non-developing male organ and no female sex organs. Do I fit, confusing, to say the least!

What would it take to make me into the male I think I was born. I mean as an acceptable male in today's world? Impossible, the doctors say. My options all depend on the all-important question: What is best for me, best for those that I love?

Henry pulled the Lincoln Continental slowly to a stop in front of an elderly couple. I knew the woman and Betty was smiling as she rushed towards me as I got out of the car. She gave me a big tight hug and a kiss on the cheek. The elderly man soon stood next to us, so I smiled, looked him in the eyes, extended my hand, and said,

"Hello, ‘I am’ Rachel Anne."

The End, or is it?