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Part 2
 

“I think you have been so good and seemed to have learned your lesson. Hannah has a good heart and a good sense of wisdom. I think you are going to get off lightly.”

I thought to myself, ‘Be penitent Ronnie and in an hour you’ll be out of this. What did you learn? Work smarter not to get caught but if you do you can charm your way out. Even better if I play it right with Mommy, Dad might never know… Goodbye Jasmint, I hate to see you go. It was nice to play being you for a while, but you kind of grow on me…’
 

 
 
It was 5:45 p.m. before Hannah returned to the sales floor and another few minutes before Mom showed after that. She looked around but instead of coming to me she was looking at clothes. I was impressed as she chose two outfits that would definitely be an improvement to her wardrobe. One was a dress and the other outfit was a skirt, blouse and sweater combination which was unusual as she almost always wore slacks. It was just before six when I saw her modeling her skirt and blouse. Jasmine had combed out her hair and used Mom’s make-up. Mom was a more attractive woman that I had noticed.

When Mom paid for her clothes I saw she was purchasing two store gift cards. Though I didn’t see the amounts I speculated they were for only $25 each.

Hannah asked me to come in the back so the three of us could talk. “Well Martha did you have any trouble figuring out Jasmint here is your son/daughter?”

“I thought you told me she wasn’t necessarily out there but would be here for us to settle things if we can. Jasmint as you call her, because of her hair and eyes she was the most likely one. Even now I doubt she could be my son.”

“Jasmint what do you have to say to Martha,” Hannah asked? I paused not sure what to say and if I wanted to use Jasmint’s voice or my own.

“Mom,” I started to say as Jasmint, but changed, “I am sorry for what I did. Dressing this way was not my idea, but I confess Hannah Grant has been nice and fair to me.”

“Whoever did your hair and make-up and made sure you were wearing the outfit properly,” she asked? “I will forgive you in time but right now I am extremely disappointed and angry with you. If your brother is part of this, he too will be dealt with.”

Hannah spoke up, “When we found and caught Ronnie shoplifting I was repulsed. Because of other such crimes in our area, we have been on the watch. Ronnie did not want me to call the police, but I need to make sure his problems will be addressed and he punished.”

“As Ronnie said, dressing as a girl was not his idea, but he willingly agreed to do it, hoping the meeting with you would be sufficient. I did not force her to do any of this. She was not solely responsible for the selection of her clothes, her hair or the make-up she put on. Taking care of her clothing and redoing her make-up and hair as needed during the day was by her. She is the one who chose her jewelry and as a girl, she chose to help various customers this afternoon.”

“She has been very well behaved and cooperative, which has helped my desire to get this resolved without the police."

Jasmint, I mean Ronnie, your mother and I have met and have come to an agreement that can settle things today. I agree with your mother that it would be a just punishment and hopefully will influence how you do things in the future.”

I broke in being confident if Hannah agreed with an idea of my mother, I was pretty much home free. “Mom as I said to Hannah earlier, I accept responsibility for my actions and I am terribly sorry to them and to you and Dad for what I did. If it is your decision I am sure it will be just and I am glad that Hannah Grant has agreed.”

Hannah was the one now speaking up, “Don’t you want to hear the agreement, I need your agreement as well as your confession to having done the crime and accept this discipline for your actions.”

“I am sure I have no qualms in agreeing just let me know where to sign so we can get on with things. I hope with my confession you guarantee there will be no criminal prosecution by the law.”

“Agreed,” Hannah smiled and she gave me the agreement to sign adding a sheet on top for me to write out my confession. Which is to include an inventory and value for the things I sought to steal. I quickly signed the agreement and took the paper in the back to write out my confession. It took me no more than fifteen minutes to write out my confession. When I came out my Mom was out in her car and had the engine running.

“Can I change now, I want to get going?”

Hannah replied, “No, we all need to get going. You can change when you get back.” Hannah waved to my Mom and my Mom pulled out and she appeared to have left. I knew she was trying to scare me. Since I felt embarrassed enough I just waved back.

Hannah says, “Let me see your purse, I need to put a few things in it including a little money… Now let’s get going.”

“I’ll be embarrassed going out like this.”

“You did well in here and if you keep your composure and your nice voice no one will realize you are not a girl. Jasmint is a cute name but with Jasmine working here I think we need to change it. I suggest we call you Janelle, then you can go by Jane or Jan as you wish.”

“We are going to my daughter Joy’s ball game. If anyone asks your last name is Grant your mother did not want you to use your last name and embarrass your family.”

“So I am going to use your name and embarrass you. Why don’t you just take me home and I won’t embarrass you either?”

“That is a good idea, you’ll be Janelle Myers. Even Joy will just think you are a long distant cousin she has never met. …You can’t go home because I won’t be there and my husband and other daughter deserve to be introduced.”

“I meant my home.”

“I suspected you did, but you would have known better if you had read your agreement. You are now my foster child until it is time to get ready to go back to school.”

“I thought I had gotten out of being Jas… Janelle. My Mom would never have thought this up or agreed to it.”

We were pulling into the sports complex of Central City High School. “Choosing my store to shoplift was your first mistake, thinking you could sweet talk your way out of it was your second big mistake and now you’re in danger of striking out.” Hannah said, “Pouting and throwing a fit and being found out to be a boy would not be a good third strike.”
 
 
We were parking as a good looking girl in uniform came running up, “Mom, you just missed my JV game. But the varsity second base girl isn’t feeling good, so I am starting. Who’s the girl with you?”

She is your cousin Janelle Myers, Aunt Suzie’s daughter. For now, she’s my foster daughter and we will make her one of the Grants for the summer. Janelle this is your cousin Joyce.”

“I need to get going Mom; I will look for the two of you. Janelle, it is nice to meet you. I look forward to you being my sister this summer. I’ll help to make it a lot of fun.”

Hannah looked at me, “Do you want me to give you a ponytail so you can wear a baseball hat?”

“Will it help hide me or make me look even less like a boy,” I asked?

“If someone mistakes you for a boy hit them with your purse. Are you hungry like I am, let’s get something before the game?” We were sitting in some folding chairs Hannah had with her and I asked if we should take them with us. Hannah laughed and pointed to the concession stand.

They have nachos, chicken sandwiches, hot dogs, popcorn. I'm afraid I would be wearing cheese or mustard so I went with the chicken sandwich with mayo. I wasn’t going to get a drink but Mom ordered me a diet coke.

“Mom, I didn’t want a drink.”

“What did you call me?”

I couldn’t believe it either but I excused by saying, “Is it better I call you Mom or would you prefer I call you Aunt Hannah?”

I was getting nervous and needed to use the toilet, but there is no way was I using a restroom at the park.

Hannah said, “The girl’s room here isn’t like the guy's restroom and you can close the door on the stalls. You will also find it much cleaner.”

“Hey, Ms. Grant, can Rich and I sit with you during the game?” Hannah threw him her car keys so he went and got two more chairs. Jim set his chair close to mine.

“I can move so you can sit… never mind.” I wasn’t going to sit between the two boys.

“Jimmy, this is my niece Janelle and she will be staying with us this summer. Janelle, this is Jimmy and Rich. You will see Jim around the house if Joy lets him in.”

Jim asks, “So Janelle what grade are you in? You must have been a wild girl to be sent here while school is still going?”

“While I did something wrong, I am not a wild girl. There are times when you are caught and there are immediate consequences.”

“Touchy,” James chuckled.

“Either stay here and watch the game or be like a tree and leave. I mean it.” Hannah patted me on the hand.

“I was hoping you liked us,” James said.

“Mmmmmm,” I was hot. I walked up to the back of the dugout. Joy looked at me and knew I was frustrated. “They are not bad but they can get to you sometimes. I can’t talk but you are welcome to stay here for a while.”

Another girl comes over, “Hi, I’m Missy you can sit with those of us on the junior varsity team. Do you have your purse with you; you could use fixing your lipstick.” I went picked up my purse and went back to Missy and the JV team. I need to maneuver up the bleachers, wearing a skirt. ‘This is payback.’ I start on my way up and need to reach out to a hand so I don’t lose my balance.

“Nice going,” I hear Missy say as I am still a bit wobbly. I step down and turn to sit down, and as I begin to say, “Thank you,” as I see the guy who helped me.

He smiles as I'm turning red. “I just helped you and I don’t bite.” I could hear Missy and a few other girls giggle.

I found myself biting my lower lip not knowing what to say or do. I opened my purse and took out my lip-gloss. I looked back in it and found a compact with a mirror. Having glossy radiant lips is not exactly what I wanted. I turned to watch the game. Joy was out playing at second base.

“Is my cousin any good?”

“She’s going to be a sophomore and she is playing on the varsity team, I guess so,” another girl says.

“She’s a really good fielder and she’s good and getting better as a hitter. By the way, my name is Trey.”

I asked Missy softly, “She is good looking, fields and bats well; does she have any weaknesses?”

Trey spoke up, “Yes, she is humble.” I looked at the girls and they were shaking their heads ‘yes.’ Their pitcher is really good.

“Wow, is the pitcher a senior?” Missy showed me the program and I saw only three starters were seniors.

“It is a young team and they will only get better as the season goes on if they don’t have injuries.”
 
 
The game was in the fifth inning with Central ahead 5-1, with them coming back up to bat. I walked up to the dugout as Joy would be up third. “It is nice to have you here. So what do you think?”

“You’re good and the team is playing really well. The pitcher is going to try to pitch you on the outside of the plate.”

She says, “So you agree with the coach that I should go to the opposite field.” I smiled though I'm not sure I was going to say anything. The first batter got a walk and Samantha got an infield single. I was cheering for Joy and I was so happy when she hit the ball over the first baseman’s head and down the line in fair territory. I ran over to Missy and hugged her as we jumped up and down. I could see Trey and a few other guys watching me like I’m a girl.

I ran back to the chair next to Hannah. “Calm down Janelle those boys are going to think you have the hots for them.”

I say, “You know better.”

“I am not sure, you are being very girly right now. You might want to watch yourself jumping like that in a skirt.” I wondered what if anything I showed. Joy scored and so they were pretty much in control of the game.

“Joy is prettier than I am with dirt on her face, in a dirty uniform and with cleats on.”

Someone says, “If you are going to measure your girl self, up against Joy it might be a long summer. One of the other team’s batters hit a hard ball and it should have been passed Joy but she dove for the ball and kept it to an infield single. The girl was tagged out by Joy two pitches later when the girl tried to steal second base.

“Boy, I didn’t know girls played such a good game.”

Mrs. Hannah says, “They are girls but Joy does not like being compared to the boys. People are surprised that girls play an exciting game,” I could see Hannah’s pride.

I ask, “Are you happy for Joy or the team?”

Hannah simply answered, “Yes.” It was the seventh inning and with two outs the last batter popped it up and the game was over. Joy had to meet with the team and would probably be going out with her teammates. We were putting the chairs in the back when Joy came running up with her cleats, glove, and bat.

I say, “You were terrific Joy. If you want I will take your stuff and make sure it gets back safely.”

Joy asks, “Thanks, but I am coming home with you. Are you going to be sleeping with me in my room?”

“I don’t think your mother will allow that.”

Her Mom says, “Joy, you were great honey. You should have seen Janelle, she too was terrific today. You know Caroline Nichols and little Jenny.”

I said, “It just happened, it wasn’t anything special.”

Joy says, “My Mom doesn’t hand out compliments like that. What happened, Mom?”

Her mom says, “Jenny approached Janelle because she hadn’t seen any dresses for little girls like her, but Janelle remembered our mother/daughter dresses and outfits. So she told Jenny’s mother and when Caroline saw how happy Jenny was it just made her day. She just wanted to make sure they bought something and they celebrated. Everyone was happy for Caroline and Jenny. They bought the most beautiful and expensive dresses of the lot.”

Joy asks, “Are you talking about that really sharp one with the wavy lines?"

Hannah says, "After they decided to get them, Caroline and Jenny decided to also try on the yellow and peach dresses. Caroline knew they would be right for Jenny next spring.”

Joy says, “Mom, I wanted you to get the Mom and teen dress for us. They better not have bought them?”

“Guess who Caroline asked to try on your dress?”

Joy looks over to me and says, “O my, don’t tell me, Janelle! You lucky girl! I am not surprised though that is more than worth it to Caroline to see Jenny happy and expressive. I bet Jenny was looking really cute.”

“You can have the dress Joy,” I told her.

Joy says, “My Mom would kill you and then me if you did that. If there was anything left of me I wouldn’t want Caroline to see me wearing it.”

“You’re kidding, Caroline is such a sweet lady.”

Joyce tells me, “I’ve babysat Jenny and I have seen Caroline cry as she hurts for her daughter and I have seen how much she loves that girl. Your pretty dress is nothing in comparison… Mom where is the dress?”

“It is still at the store it needs some alterations.”

Joy asks, “Is it pinned so she could wear it and show me?”

I say, “It is just a pretty dress, chill.”

“Mom is Janelle, not a real girl?” We were both caught off guard and everyone went silent. Joy looked at us both and back to her mom. Joy looked at me and she couldn’t bring herself to say it. “No, you’re kidding me. What really happened?”

Hannah told us to get in the car. We were all starving but Hannah drove directly to the Shoppe. No questions were answered as I went and changed into the dress. I had to find the forms for the bra cups. I was sure the change was not doing it justice, but it did look really good as I was seeing it anew.
 
 
I walked out on the front of my feet as I knew I should have on heels for this dress. “See that Mom no boy would be up on the front of his feet. I don’t know why you are teasing me.” We heard a knock on the front door of the store, it was Trey.

Joy knew how to open the door and she let Trey in. Trey put his arms around her; lifted Joy, twirled her around and gave her a big kiss. I shuttered thinking back to when he helped me and then talked to me. I thought he was flirting and part of me had liked it. Seeing him as Joy’s boyfriend only made it worse. I was blushing again.

Joy saw me blushing and I knew it only confirmed for her that I was all girl. I turned in the dress and Joy smiled, I knew she was happy for me. I didn’t understand how girls think.

Mom showed her the earrings I have on, “She put them on thinking they were regular clip-on. Before today she never had pierced earrings.” Joy found another pair of earrings took mine off and placed the other ones on. “Each girl should have a pair of diamond earrings.”

I went over to the mirror near the jewelry to see how they look. ‘They are very pretty, but I have already cost too much today.’ She looked at her Mom with big puppy eyes and then at Trey. Trey was the one who broke, “For your Sister, I will be happy to buy them.” Hannah charged him only half price.

I walked around the store so the three of them got a good look. Then I went and changed out of the dress. I was tempted to pick up a pair of slacks and run out the back door. Too much had already been set into play; Hannah saw me thinking and said, “I am glad you chose not to try that.”

Mom came over and gave me a kiss on the cheek, treating me like a daughter. I have a new Mom and a Big Sister and I felt good about it.
 

 
I rode with Mom and Joy rode with Trey and we met at Martini’s. Dressed as Joy and Trey were we went into the café and not doors for the dining and nightspot further to our left. Joy started by ordering a pasta dish with crab meat and then told Gino her little sister was having the same. I was going to protest but Joy took me by the hand and we were soon heading for the women’s room.

We weren’t quite to the door when she turned me and started to talk. “Don’t act like some stupid boy who doesn’t eat this and doesn’t eat that. Girls need to learn to eat more things so when a guy feels he has to order for her she doesn’t starve.”

“So now you believe I’m a boy,” I smiled?

She smiled too, “I don’t know why yet but you’re a girl and you’re going to behave liked one. You’re my Sis and I like what I’ve seen. If the dish is not your favorite you can eat half and then play as though you’re full or lost your appetite.”

“Want me to explain…”

“Not now, not here; let’s use the women’s room and get back.”
 
 
By now I was in need of the women’s room. I heard Joy trying to tell me what to do as I walk in the stall and closed the door. It was the second time today. I didn’t need Joy telling her little sister. When I was done, I walked over to the sink and was pleasantly surprised to see I had brought my purse. So I looked in saw what I needed and fixed my face and hair.

Okay so I tried, and Joy acted like my Big Sis and made it look really nice. “You did pretty well on your own Jan, thanks for allowing me to help you. We tend to see things the other might miss.” We both smiled at each other.
 
 
The appetizers were already served along with our drinks. Mom looked with puzzlement and then smiled when Joy said, “Everything is fine Jan and I just needed to talk.”

‘She’s calling me Jan,’ I thought, I kind of liked it, but still wanted others to call me Janelle so I knew they were talking to me.

Mom had ordered me a salad with small shrimp that I don’t usually eat. I looked up and saw Joy sitting next to Trey. So I tried the shrimp salad and found out it was okay. It had a different taste from what I was used to, a good difference, not bad. I watched Hannah and Joy, and like them, I didn’t worry about eating it all.

Gino was soon serving us the dinners and our portions were noticeably smaller that Trey’s and I was getting offended until Gino said, “Ladies, I will be back soon and ask if you would like more. I will be pleased to get what you want. Will that be okay Ms. Grant?”

“Thank you very much, Gino and I thank you for going out of your way to serve us. I would like to introduce you to Janelle our daughter for this summer. She is one of my niece’s and she lives across the country.

“Please to meet you, Janelle. Your name is a beautiful flower, like one of those graceful animals free in the wild. May you enjoy your summer here? Having Joyce as a sister should be very helpful in enjoying your time.”

The crab, pasta and the sauce, with a light taste of garlic and other spices I did not know, was very pleasing. I could have eaten more and true to his word Gino did ask. But I heard Joy comment: “I could enjoy more, but I better not.”
 

 
 
We were to the Grant home after a short drive. I had no trouble realizing I was in one of the better neighborhoods of the north side. Being a Southsider in our city was not enviable. While I had friends in the other areas of the city, this was way out of my league.

Mom brought in some bags of merchandise that I knew nothing about. I heard Trey ride up as the car doors open, but Mom told me, “Mind my own business” so I headed towards the door.

Another girl did, however, run past me to the door. “Faith, you know better. Come here, I want to introduce someone. …Faith, this is Janelle your cousin from St. Louis; she is going to be here most of the summer. Please go get your father for me if you would, thanks.” Hannah gave her a kiss and placed her back down. We said a quick hello as she went off in another direction.
 
 
The front door opened and Joy came into the house as I heard a car drive away. “So Mommy Dearest, you had an interesting day at work.” I sat down worried and not at all sure what would be happening next.

Mr. Grant and Faith came back; when Mr. Grant saw me his eyebrows went up, but seemingly he knew to be quiet. “Bill, I would like to introduce you to our third daughter for the summer. This is Janelle, Sharon’s teenage daughter. Janelle this is my husband Bill and Faith. You can call him Uncle unless he and you decide otherwise.”

Bill spoke up, “Hannah, what have you told me about bringing a guest here unannounced. Dotty gave me your message. I was ready to call Sharon, but decided to wait to hear things from you first.”

She said, “Janelle was a shoplifter we caught at the store today, and she needed to learn a good lesson. Her mother came to the store and to my surprise was very cooperative. The lesson won’t be learned in a day or two; he’s a bit of a smooth talker and schmooze.” Mr. Grant and Faith took a double look at me. “She’s fourteen and will finish going to school here like she is in ninth grade.”

Hannah says, “Get this, she was shoplifting so she could go to church camp and do some horse riding.”

Mr. Grant sarcastically says, “Stealing to go to church camp, but you think she will do well in our house? What do we have in our house are you comfortable losing? Why didn’t you let the police take her? And if I heard you right I am not even sure she is a she.”

“Where is she going to sleep?” He stopped and everyone was waiting for Hannah to speak, everyone save Joy. “She can sleep in my room with me. If Faith would leave us for a while, I can explain.”

Faith with a little coaxing left, though not quietly. Her Dad said, “You might be a genius but I don’t see that as either a smart or helpful answer."

“Mom and Dad, would it be okay for her to go to my room so I can talk to you alone for a short bit?” She escorted me to her room and told me not to get into anything until she got back. Then she went back to talk to her parents.

“Dad, Mom’s right to get someone like this to change, she needs to be immersed in things outside of her experience. It will take time to break bad habits and thinking; and more time to take in his heart and head a new way of life.”

Her Dad says, “So, I don’t see how her staying in your room will be helpful though we both see some conflicts which I believe you are aware of.”

“You two aren’t worried about me liking her, are you? One, he is too young for me. We won’t see the other naked. We can change in the bathroom or my walk-in closet. If I need to teach her something like a girl I will have her wear one of my old bathing suits or something else appropriate.”

Joy went on, “I don’t think Dad will sleep much without someone watching over her.”

“I would be more afraid of him watching over you,” Dad said and Mom nodded affirming.

“Mom and I already got Jan seeing me as a big sister. She might want me to see her as a boyfriend. Right now she is like a puppy trying to get us to like her and that especially goes for me. She wants my friendship and affection and if possible my love. She won’t do anything inappropriate; I will get her to promise me that.”

“Give me a night to prove it is okay and then we can take it a day at a time. If it doesn’t work I will agree and do what you want. You know I will do that even if you want it your way right now.”

Her Dad gave Joy a hug, “You know we trust you; do you know how frustrating it is to have two geniuses in the house and not one of them is me?”

“Dad, you know how important you are and that you won’t get any sympathy talking like that?”

Hannah laughed, “So are we agreed to try the idea for a night? Joy please take these things for Janelle and help her get ready for bed. And for now, the door is not to be locked. Do not be upset with me if I come in unannounced.”
 
 
Joy came back to her bedroom. Joy said, “My Mother wants you to get ready for bed and she asked me to give you these two bags. I expect one has a nightgown or pajamas.” She pulled out a skirt and looked for the size. “Size six that’s nice for fashion, but it also means you need to get your own clothes.”

“I think three to four outfits are going to have to do. I hope your family isn’t embarrassed with me, but I have a Southsider’s simple taste and income?”

“How did you like how nice Rachael was to you today?” I nodded my head up and down. “Was she treating you well or was she acting any different from Jasmine and Mom?”

“Don’t change the subject?”

She said, “I said that because Rachael Carney is a Southsider though we don’t think in those terms.”

‘Carney’, I thought, “She looks like Melissa Carney, please tell me, Melissa and she are not sisters? I’ve delivered newspapers there. If she remembers me, she will tell others and I will be forever embarrassed.”

Joy says to me, “Quit defining others by how you think, everyone isn’t like you. Rachael won’t do that we trust her… This blouse is very pretty but plain enough for everyday wear. So, I think it might be for tomorrow.”

I say, “I hope there are some unisex slacks in there and regular underwear.” Joy giggled as she looked in the bag, “what’s so funny?”

“Well, you got one of your wishes. Mom has bought you some normal underclothes though I suspect you will find something wrong with them." ‘What could be wrong with normal underwear, I thought?’
 
 
Joy pulled out two bras and more panties of different pastel colors. “So what is so normal about this underwear,” I asked with an attitude?

“These are normal pieces of under clothing for a fourteen-year-old girl, but it appears Mom has only bought you two skirts. Like your panties and bras, they are normal clothes and nothing special. I expect Mom plans to take you shopping tomorrow. I don’t know how as it is her Saturday to put a full day at the Shoppe.”

Joy tells me, “Jan, you better get in the shower or Mom is going to be upset with both of us. I will see what she has for you tonight and place in the bathroom next to the door. If you don’t mind, I want you to check your body for hair not appropriate for a girl. There should be a new razor in the bathroom closet.”

“If I was being a guy your Dad could show me, though it would not be needed. I wish you could help me.”

Joy says, “Jan, I am putting one of my old swimsuits inside; please put it on then I can come in and help you. Tell me when you are ready?” Putting on the swimsuit was another neat girl experience; I liked how it felt as it hugged my body.

“I have it on, you can come in now.”

Joy was soon in the bathroom, “Hey tuck that gross thing between your legs and out of sight.”

“It’s not that gross, Trey and every guy has one,” I snickered.

“It is gross when one sees it on a woman. That is unless you are a TG woman like Jamie at the University. I’ve seen her and she is hot looking. I hear both guys and some women find her very special.”

“What do you think of her,” I asked? Joy stepped back, puzzled by my question.

“It may surprise you, but I admit I am a bit prejudice about what I don’t understand.”

“You seemed impressed by this Jamie? What impresses you about a person you keep your distance from?”

“She’s comfortable with herself; I find that rare in people, man or woman. It is that quality that makes a lot of people uncomfortable with her.” I had turned myself away from her while she was talking and looking elsewhere. I was able to tuck myself underneath as she suggested.

“Better, thank you, please use this cream on your legs and underarms. Wait a few minutes and then rinse the cream and your body hair off in the shower. Make sure your hands are really clean before you shampoo and condition your hair. You will need to condition your hair twice. Also, use my body wash to wash your body instead of soap. O you should take off your swimsuit when washing.”
 
 
It felt kind of nice in my situation to have a big sister kind of watching out and giving me direction. I did as she said and was pretty happy with how my legs felt. It kind of felt girly when I shaved my underarms. I didn’t think much when I first shampooed my hair, even the first time I conditioned and rinsed it out. But when I used the conditioner for the second time, I was really surprised by the difference when I used the right conditioner the second time. It was still wet and I didn’t have a mirror in the shower, but I felt a big difference.

Showering with her body wash and one of those special balls that made it lather up so much it was another nice experience. A girl would call them bubbles and with the perfume smell, I was becoming too girly. It felt good, I felt good and I wanted to sound like a girl might if she felt like I did, but I didn’t want to embarrass myself. I even cleaned my feet a second time too. Boy’s feet don’t feel this way. I rinsed off and got out of the shower. “Pat yourself dry, don’t rub hard to dry yourself off. Put on your nightgown and let me help you with your hair.”

‘Pat me dry?’ It felt like I was like pampering myself like a girl, and that is how I was beginning to look. I told myself, ‘don’t go getting used to this it won’t be good.’ But putting on the nightgown worked against what I was saying. I didn’t want to wear another panty, but I knew Joy would be angry.
 
 
Joy came in and got a hair blower and took me to a chair in her bedroom. Her Mom came to see what we were doing. It was embarrassing, but at least I wasn’t in trouble. I was going to ask Mom something but I forgot.

Mom suggests to Joy, “I think you will take away any idea of her being Ronnie if she has long bangs.” Joy stepped back and agreed with her. No one asked me if it was all right. Joy brushed some of my hair down over my face saying, “Janelle close your eyes.” There was the snipping of scissors and hair fell in my lap.

She asked me, “Why are you crying?”

“You shouldn’t have cut my hair,” I said.

“You knew what I was going to do; it’s a little late now to cry about it. You look very cute with bangs,” she said and her mother agreed. “Do you want someone to recognize Ronnie when they look at you?”

“Mom, could you get me the pair of diamond studs and some peroxide and cotton?” Mom left and was quickly back. It stung a little as she used the peroxide on my pierced ears. But the studs were in and the sting diminished before I complained.

She gave me a hand mirror and asked me to look. I saw the face and long hair of a brunette teenager looking back. I brought my free hand up to my mouth in surprise. It was like I was disappearing and Janelle, who I was pretending to be was becoming real. Mom came and held me to her bosom and I felt like a daughter. ‘What a waste for a teenage boy.’

Joy started to pull off her baseball jersey as she walked to the shower. Mom spoke up, “Joy, she’s still a boy now, don’t do that.” Joy was in the bathroom closing the door.

Hannah spoke to me, “I see it took quite a while to get ready for bed.”

“It takes longer for a girl, because of make-up and so much stuff you have to do,” I said.

“Yes there is a lot even as tired as a girl might be, but it is a lot better to do it before you go to bed. So do you think the nightgown is pretty?” That was not the kind of question to ask a boy, but Mom waited me out.

“It is very pretty and it feels very nice as well. Joy said, "I’m going to have to go and get more girl clothes tomorrow. She also said you are to work all day. I told her I only needed two or three outfits that I am not a regular girl.”

Mom smiled but spoke plainly, “While you are under my roof and you are going to dress like any other girl. We need to get a dress for Sunday church and some school clothes.” Now that my hair was dry, Hannah was brushing my hair and counting. “I’ve done this for each of my girls, it is like therapy to a woman’s soul.”

“Speaking of soul Mrs. Grant; what do you think God’s thinking about me being in dresses and girl clothes.”

“To be frank Jan, it is better than you shoplifting. Plus I think God has seen you dressing like a girl before.”

“No one has seen me doing that I made real sure.” Hannah couldn’t help but laugh at my statement. She put tape across my bangs, kissed me goodnight and tucked me into bed.

“Mom, Joy’s Dad said something about her being a genius and you too. What did he mean?”

“People use to say I am really intelligent, but Joyce has scored a 152 on her I.Q TEST. Now that others see me owning and running the Shoppe they think I am discounting myself. I have two master's’ degrees. I can translate and proofread documents and stories in other languages as well but most people do not know that.”

She continued, “Others think, we are holding Joyce back because she is not going to the university already. But she wants a normal high school girl’s life. She takes all of her classes up to another level. She does take college classes; she just doesn’t brag about it.”

I ask, “So what other language do you know?”

“I speak and read Latin, German, Spanish and I’ve worked on three other languages. I don’t try to learn as much or as fast now that Joyce is doing so much and Faith is active and they're wanting their mother to be there too.”

I ask, “Why didn’t you just turn someone like me over to the police? I have to be more trouble than I am worth?”

She kissed me again, “It is time for you to go to sleep.”

“Mom, is it okay to call you Mom? I have been a Schmooze and don’t deserve you, but I am thankful. I'm just afraid I will disappoint you?”

Hannah says, “You might stumble a time or two, but please don’t give up and don’t deceive me or hurt my girls."

“Mom, won’t you be worrying about her going to sleep with me in her room?” Joyce stuck her head out from the bathroom.

“I will be back in a little while to say goodnight to you and Joyce.”
 
 
Mom was gone a couple of minutes before Joy came out wrapped in a large towel and got on the computer and cell phone. She would turn and visit with me as well as whomever she was communicating with. Lesley’s voice was coming over the computer as well as her picture.

“Come over here Jan and let Lesley see you.” I was scared, but I did as Joy asked.

“She’s the little hottie that was at the game tonight. Hi Jan, I hope you don’t mind but we’re going to corrupt you this summer.” From what I saw of Lesley she could easily lead me astray.

Another girl popped up on the computer and she wasn’t wearing much. “Joy are you going to be coming to the U tomorrow, we need to work on our project?”

“Patrice, you are going to embarrass my little Sis; please cover up.”

“I’m just helping her to dream bigger Joyce. Has she had her first period yet? I could show her both sides if you want?”

“Get to bed Jan and cover your eyes and ears for a moment, but don’t fall asleep.” I was glad I was behind Joyce since I didn’t have any boobs under my nightgown.

“Can you bring your sister to the campus, tomorrow?”

“That was Faith you met before, I will bring Janelle sometime but it won’t be tomorrow.”

I didn’t hear what Lesley said, but Joy said, “That is right I don’t trust you. ”

I fell asleep dreaming of the coming day, but it was not at all restful…
 
End Part II
 

 
 
To Be Continued...
 
 

 

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Part 2
 
She’s the little hottie that was at the game tonight.

Hi Janelle, I hope you don’t mind but we’re going to corrupt you this summer.”

From what I saw of Lesley she could easily lead me astray… Another girl popped up on the computer and she wasn’t wearing much.

“Joy are you going to be coming to the U tomorrow, we need to work on our project.”…

“Patrice, you are going to embarrass my little Sis; please cover up.”…

“I’m just helping her to dream bigger Joyce. Has she had her first period yet? I could show her both sides if you want?”…

“Get to bed Jan and cover your eyes and ears for a moment, but don’t fall asleep.”

I was glad I was behind Joyce since I didn’t have any boobs under my nightgown… “Can you bring your sister to the campus again, how about tomorrow?” …
 

 
 
During the night my dreams were scary, me being a girl. When I woke in the morning I began to remember what happened it was only a bad dream, but here I was in Joy Grant’s room but not excited about it… Mom, no Hannah was in to get me up and going, “I didn’t know how long it would take to get you dressed, Janelle.” That name was ‘Janelle’, but here I was walking into the bathroom on my own to get ready.

I was handed my bra and a pair of matching panties and another outfit: worse I didn’t say anything. I took a quick shower, patted dry, and got dressed. I used a feminine napkin to help hide my boy part. I did some of the make-up, the concealer, and foundation. Mom said, “Remember light make-up for daytime.” I needed help with my eye makeup as my eyes wanted to blink.

I had yogurt and fruit for breakfast and it was very enjoyable. “Mrs. Grant, I am not comfortable with this. I don’t know if I can keep my promise?”

“I suggest you just remember the police are just a phone call away; I can keep my promise and I intend to do so.”
 

 
 
Joy came to the kitchen just before we were leaving. “Mom, I have a softball game at 10:00 and would like to get over to the University for one of my projects today. But please call me I would like to go shopping with you and Janelle if it would work out. Jan, it might sound a little crazy but I think you will make a good girl.”

I turned to Hannah, “Mom should a boy say thanks for a compliment like that.” She smiled, as I was going with no trouble. We were at the store by 8:30 a.m. for a ten o’clock opening. “What would you like me to do to help?” She showed me three boxes she received as special deliveries and several unopened boxes of clothes. Without looking she placed different sets of hangers on the two larger boxes. “I would appreciate your help. I need to check inventory, prepare the registers with the proper change and check the rolls of receipt paper. We’ll need to restock all of the racks and shelves. And this is some of the clothing we just received.

Amazingly I opened the boxes: one had dresses and I was soon proficient in hanging them properly on an empty rack in the stock area. The next box had both slacks and shorts that needed to be refolded properly so wrinkles and the wrong creases did not set into the clothes. With forty clothes items, it took me almost fifty minutes to fold and sort them to size and color.

All the while Hannah was getting so many things done. “Mrs. Grant, how long would you expect someone to take in doing these two boxes?”

“That isn’t fair to you Jasmint; a new salesgirl also needs to learn.” “Well, how long would it take a new salesgirl to do it?”

“A poor worker might take an hour and need more corrections, Jasmine or Rachel use to take 45 minutes. But now they do it in twenty, both of them are very good. They had to learn quickly as my regular women are either recuperating from surgery or taking care of their family.”

Rachel spoke from behind me, “What did I do well? Learning fast, I don’t think so. As a store owner, Ms. Grant kind of carries us, as she works faster as well as teaches us as she goes… Don’t be ashamed Janelle, I thought you did very well yesterday.”

I asked, “Are you going to tell on me, Rachael?”

Rachel had to think about what I was asking. “I didn’t get a good look at you before you changed, and I wouldn’t tell if I knew. Mrs. Grant believes in you, as far as I am concerned it is no different than her giving me a chance. If you want to meet some of my friends from the Southside, I will but I will be choosy.”
 

 
 
In fifteen minutes Rachel worked as well as talked with me, and we opened the store five minutes before ten. I heard Hannah talk on the phone, asking Ms. Russell if she could just staff the register for two hours come 2:00 p.m. “I have a niece I need to take and get some clothes. She also texted Joy with the time we were going shopping.” There were a fair number of shoppers who were just window shopping or trying on clothes without making a purchase. But there were also plenty of sales.

Velma was in by 10:30 and she was doing most of the fittings needing alterations. By 1:20 she asked me to try on the dress Caroline bought for me. “I know you have small breasts that are just beginning to blossom, would you be offended if Ms. Grant and I suggest a pair of breast forms to help you?”

“If you would get ready, I will take your aunt’s place on the floor and she can help you with the forms. I am sure you will enjoy the difference.”

Mom marked my chest for the forms applied an adhesive, set the breasts, and used concealer and makeup to hide the seams. “Mom, would a normal girl be as pleased in having this done?”

“It’s easy to get caught up in being pretty, isn’t it? If you had an accident, you’d possibly use them… I’ll have Joyce take you home when she gets here, so you can clean up before we go shopping.” I didn’t say I needed to, Joy just told me to get in the car and we could both get cleaned up.

I guess Joy showered after the game as well as had already been to the University. “You still need to freshen up and change into something decent.” She said, “Don’t mind me,” as she hurried out of her slacks and pullover top, and was walking around in her panty and bra. “Don’t tell Mom or Dad, but I am not going to be worrying about you all summer. …Clean yourself well but I suggest you use some baby powder; just don’t make a big cloud when you’re using it.”

“Here use this mini-skirt it is cut nicely and I think it is easy to change in and out of while trying on clothes.”

“But what if boys see too much?”

“Most won’t know what they saw from their imagination. If a boy says he saw your panties ask him the color and description. I bet his answer won’t match reality. Then tell the twerp he should go and play with himself; tell him that he has the imagination for it.”

“Don’t be afraid to flirt with some nice guys; it is good to have them around if someone tries to get ugly. And yes, you are pretty enough to get both sets of guys.” We were back at the shop shortly after 2:30. Hannah first gave me a gift card from my mother for $100; there was a note to use more than half at Hannah’s. I was moved as I knew it meant something special to my mother, though I did not understand what.

I shopped the sales racks and found a very nice pink skirt and a print top to go with it. There was a dress on the clearance rack for 50% off, but Rachel let it slip out, “I’m sorry Janelle but there’s been a mistake, this just came in last week.”

Mom said, “Even if it was wrongly put there she can have it at that price. Even with that, it would have taken all of my one hundred dollars if I got the over-the-shoulder purse I wanted. Jasmine told me, “You’re getting a 20% employee discount plus a fifteen-dollar commission from yesterday’s sales.” So I had 35 dollars of my own money when we went shopping at JC Penney’s.

“Joy, what do you think about shopping at Penney’s?”

“It doesn’t matter if it’s Penney’s, Kohl’s, or Macy’s or what they say you are saving. That is all hype and smoke to distract you. Check the stitching and fabric for quality. It’s the price you are going to pay for it that matters not how much they say you save. How much you save might be important to your friends. The same can even be said for boys’ clothes.”

Joyce and Mom talked me into a pair of short shorts that I knew I would not ever wear. I did get two pairs of girl’s designer jeans that were nice and snug. I didn’t intend to wear them but liked how they looked.

Joy showed me some very nice skirts, dresses, and blouses as well as the difference between quality and overpriced junk. Joy talked to me about two dresses that I could wear to school. She said not only were they pretty, but no one would guess I was a girl when I wore them. She said it was early to wear a sundress but Mom had me try on one she said was a spring dress, though I couldn’t tell the difference.

I tried on the dress. It felt very silky as it went on over my legs and my body. Mom said I would wear it tomorrow to church. Once again Janelle was encasing me, and I was again enjoying being her.
 

 
 
As we were walking back through the mall, Trey called out to Joy to wait. He and another boy came running up to the three of us. Joy responded, “Great you are in time to carry Jan’s new clothes.

“Paul, this is Joy’s cousin; the one I was talking to you about. Janelle this is Paul and Paul this is Janelle; isn’t she very pretty?

Paul smiled and then frowned, “Yes, she is very pretty, too pretty I don’t think she would go out with me.”

I could see Paul was quite shy and like I did not have any confidence. “Thank you Paul, and I would go out with you but I’m afraid I’m too young.”

Trey quickly looked to Mrs. Grant and Joy, “Mrs. Grant couldn’t you make an exception? We would go to an early movie, please?”

Joy had a devilish smile, “Mommy, Paul is kind of like Jenny. I will watch out for Jan and we could have her home by 10:00 p.m. by going to the early movie.”

“Miss Grant, I am good, you can call my Mom if you want,” said Paul. “She already thought I was going on my first date. But Heather changed her mind saying I was too slow for her.”

Mrs. Grant felt bad for Paul and then looked at me. I couldn’t disappoint him any more than Mrs. Grant could. “Okay, but she cannot stay out later than 10:00. Paul, you promise to treat her like a young lady?” Good, Paul and I were both having our first date but mine was with another guy.

The pace quickened to the car as Mom was now taking us both home, instead of me going back to the store. “I am sorry about that young lady but you should have spoken up and said something. You seem to have a way of attracting shy people.”

Joy was very happy, but a bit skeptical. “I sure hope you are all girl tonight and not just some girly boy. I, we will be very embarrassed if you aren’t.”

Mom spoke up like she was talking more to her daughter than me, “Joyce, have Jan show you the skirt and print blouse she got today. I think it would be a good choice for tonight… If I can get back in time, I will try to have a cell phone for her.”

My biggest surprise was the fact I was getting excited about going on a date. When we got home, Joy gave me a big hug and I realized we both had breasts that were rubbing against each other. I couldn’t feel either but it was still strange. I looked down at my breasts and Joy saw me. “Yes you are pretty there as well and yes, it is strange when girls hug each other and our breasts are hot.”

I whispered, “TMI”, thinking to myself, but Joy heard me and began to giggle. I shouldn’t have looked at Joy because I began to giggle as well and it snowballed from there and I fell into a chair unable to stop. Her younger sister came in, “Oh, I see London, I see France, I see Janelle’s underpants.” I should have been embarrassed and stopped laughing but I couldn’t.

Finally, I stopped as I wet my panties and then ran for Joy’s bathroom. I was lucky as Mom had me wear a pad just in case I exposed myself. The pad had caught the little bit that leaked.

Joy asked me to show her the skirt and top outfit her mother was talking about. I set looking through the bags and got distracted as I pulled out different outfits and spent time looking at them. Joy became impatient, “Yes Jan they are all nice outfits, but you need to find the one we’re looking for. We need to start to get you ready for your first date.”
 

 
 
I stepped back and there were three bags we had not yet checked and one was from Hannah’s Shopped. It was a silver miniskirt and a dark blue printed blouse. It was only now that I saw how it caught the light. I quickly thought I wouldn’t mind finding a girl in a blouse shimmering like that.

“Wow, it is nice, but I am surprised that Mom would let you wear it for a date.” She had me worried so I asked, “Is it bad?”

She paused, “No, you will look quite nice in that outfit.”

We were now in her bedroom and she patted me on the buns as she pushed me toward the bathroom. “My, girls clean and refresh themselves a lot more than guys do.”

“And you will notice the difference if your date doesn’t take a shower.”

“I thought girls liked the smell of a guy?”

“There are different guy smells, sometime you may get to notice the difference,” her smile indicated there was more behind the thought.

I had showered using a shower cap, patted myself dry, and was now getting dressed when Joy called me back into the bathroom. “I want you to learn how to wash our delicates.” She took some washing detergent from the sink cabinet and put just a small amount into some cool water. She threw in several panties and asked me: “Now move them about gently making sure the soapy water has worked through them and then let them sit for about five minutes.”

“Hey, half of those are yours?”

“Good observation Rembrandt, I am providing the instructions and bathroom. You’ll be helping me with other things as well; you will make some woman a good husband someday. This is the 21st century.”

My Mom had already shown me how to wash my nice sweaters like this, though I only did it once. Why break the good habit of mom doing them? So I waited to do my nails and brushed out my hair instead. As I rinsed out the panties and used a towel to get some more water out, Joy was back fixing my hair better. “So boy wonder has done this before?”

“Not on panties or flimsy bras and delicate nighties I haven’t?” Joy laughed, “But you are aware that you are doing it so well.” She showed me where to put them to finish drying.

She then put an old towel down on her bed and had me put my feet up as she did my toenails, putting cotton balls between the toes. “Try to do your fingernails over at my table without bumping your feet and messing things up.” It was a dark off-red polish and I liked how it looked with my clothing.

“Thanks, Joy.”

“So does that mean you enjoy it?”

“It means, if I am going to do it, you are helping me to look pretty as a girl,” enough said. She smiled and not having lipstick on she kissed my cheek.
 

 
 
When we were finished, she dimmed her lights considerably. “What do you notice?” She had to suggest I look down before I saw that my blouse was shimmering in the light, especially atop my bra. “I am not ready for this, find me another top, …please?”

“You would ruin your hair and make-up, sorry but no. And if Trey is his usual self he will be early, so we can visit.” Trey and Paul were to be here at 6:40 but were there at 6:20. I didn’t understand why we were dressed so much better than them.

I wasn’t going to talk, but Paul was nervous and more so after Trey tried to get him to compliment my appearance. “Do I look okay, Paul? I could hurry and change if you want me to?”

“No, you look very… um, um… pretty, please don’t change. I want… want to… thank you… for saying yes.”

“The other girls don’t know what they are missing yet,” I said. “I think you are sweet and a good-looking guy.” The latter was true.

“Guys aren't supposed to be sweet.”

Joy spoke up, “Paul, I will tell you a secret, many girls like a guy to be sweet and nice, all you need to do is to be comfortable.”

“Maybe if Jan likes me, I can be comfortable.” Hannah came home and little sis popped out from wherever she was watching and pictures were soon being taken.

“Mom, this isn’t a prom or anything?” But Hannah defended herself, “It is the first time these two have dated.”

“It’s okay Joy; we will do it and be on our way,” I said.

“Now Janelle, I don’t want you kissing too much, remember to be a Lady?”

‘Too much’ I hope Mrs. Grant didn’t just set me up to be kissed. Joy handed me my purse and we were on our way. We were in line for tickets and about half the kids were from the Southside and I was getting anxious. Joy noticed I was uncomfortable and quickly figured out why. She looked around, “Jan, it looks like the Southside boys have noticed another pretty girl in the crowd?”

“Why who are they looking at,” I asked.

“You, of course, this is the first time for them to see you?” I kind of moved closer to Paul for protection before I looked around. Paul put his arm around me and we smiled as we looked at each other.

“Well that certainly disappoints them, but now a few girls are jealous that you are with Paul.” Paul now took my hand and he was relaxing as the guys bought the tickets.

“I wished we had eaten before we came, I’m going to be starved before we get home.” The guys were buying the tickets and Joyce was texting. And we would be quickly going into the theater. Paul was quickly up to the refreshment counter and ordering popcorn and all he asked me was if I wanted a diet or regular cola. I asked for the diet regular size but he had ordered me a large diet. Joy smiled and squeezed my hand, pleased that I was being patient with Paul. Her cell buzzed and she answered and thanked whoever she was talking to.

“Mom said we could get a bite to eat after the movie if people want.” I knew the look on Paul’s face. Once we sat in our seats, Paul began counting his money. “Paul, do you have enough money for yourself? I can pay for my own if we go out to eat.” He relaxed and smiled at me.
 
 
After I sat down, Joy moved one seat to leave a space between her and me. I wanted my big sister closer, but I understood I was closer than my sister wanted. I thought I was just being polite when I said, “Joy, you and Trey don’t have to sit with us if you want. I think we will be safe on our own.” Joy looked at Trey and they got up and moved a few rows behind us.

I am usually a popcorn junkie, but I noticed my fingers getting butter on them and didn’t want to mess up my outfit. I asked Paul to make sure he wiped his hands if he was going to put his arms around me or hold my hand. Paul put the popcorn on the seat next to him as he wiped his hands.
 

 
 
The movie began and that was where my interest was. But gradually Paul was getting up the courage to stretch and finally put his arm around me to embrace my shoulders. I was uncomfortable but knew it was coming so I just accepted it. It was then that I took in the different smells of guys. He had on cologne that was nice, but he was nervous and perspiring, which wasn’t.

I would have moved if Paul had not pulled me closer. The movie had humor, romance, and a few surprises that occasionally had us laughing together or looking at each other. The last time I heard him sniff and then reached for one of my hands. I looked as Paul casually asked, “Do you mind?”

I lightly smiled as squeezed his hand. We were not thinking the same thing when I felt his lips kiss my cheek. And when I turned his way, his hand lightly touched my chin and tilted it back. Paul may have been shy, but seemingly he had waited for this a long time. His lips were closed but unfortunately, mine was not. My natural response was to kiss back and we were soon in a warm embrace.

I was surprised because I enjoyed the kiss and told him, “Paul that was a nice kiss, where did a shy boy learn to kiss like that?”

“I thought I needed to give you a nice kiss because I want to ask you to the prom.” ‘Prom’ I was shocked. “I think I am the only junior not to have a date for the Prom and it is only two weeks away.”

“Paul you are really sweet and you are a handsome guy, any girl should be happy to go with you. But I am sure my Aunt Hannah won’t allow it.”

“I will ask your Aunt Hannah and if she says yes then I will take you. My parents will be so happy because I told them how pretty you are. And Trey told them you are a very nice girl. I have been saving for a long time so I would treat you very nicely.”

I was ready to cry and tried to hide my face in his shoulder. Paul hugged and consoled me, “Don’t worry Janelle, I think your Aunt will be very considerate of your feelings.” I smiled as I was amused by how we continued to understand things differently. As I smiled Paul kissed me again but as the embrace grew I felt myself relax. I was kissing him back when I heard Joy laugh, “Jan and Paul the movie is over, come up for air.” Others laughed as well.

I wanted to go to the bathroom, but Joy told me, “Let’s wait until we get to the restaurant; there will be a lot of immature junior-high girls in the women’s room here, right now.” I thought it was funny; if anyone appeared to be an immature girl it was I.
 

 
 
While we were going from the car to the restaurant I put 10 dollars into Paul’s hand, “Why don’t you pay for the two of us.” He smiled and gave me a light kiss on the cheek, “Thank you.”

I was going to order a large burger with cheese and bacon, some fries, and tea. But Joy stopped me and suggested a fish or chicken sandwich. “I thought Catholics stopped the fish stuff after Easter?”

“I am not suggesting you are a Catholic, but because you’re a girl and trying to get over being a tomgirl.”

“I forgot I guess I will have a fish sandwich, I wanted the fries but I will take a salad and diet cola, please.”

We talked about the movie, especially parts each of us missed in case our parents asked. Someone suggested I did not tell them too much or they would know I was lying as well. It kind of made sense but I needed to know the ending, which was different than I would have said.
 
 
After we ate Joy and I stopped at the girls’ room another time to fix our makeup. When we got home the guys escorted us to the door. Paul kissed me and Joy opened the door before I could fix my lipstick. “Don’t worry Mom won’t be upset,” Joy said.

She was correct that her Mom was nice; seemingly she thought my messed lipstick was cute. Mom told us that a young neighbor girl was staying over and would be going with us to church, and staying until her mother was home from work.

I was exhausted and had prepared for bed and was falling asleep a little after 11:00 p.m. A little girl woke me early in the morning and asked me to play with her. “I don’t know where the toys are?”

She took my hand and I was quickly following her, “I know where the toys are, but I want someone to play with me and Faith told me to ask you.” She took me to a toy chest in the rec room. I looked in the toy chest, but Patti said, “Dah, don’t you see the dollhouse?” It was big and pretty and Patti even showed me the dolls that went with it.

We were playing for quite a while and I was now changing the diaper of another doll. I was leaning over and Mom came in behind me. “Thanks for playing with Patti, I appreciate that.” Then Joy came in and Hannah said to her, “Do you see anything unusual about Janelle?”

I interrupted, “Yes, the girls say I have a girl’s butt.”

Patti pointed and said, “And she has stinky panties, but they don’t stink yet.” Joy began to giggle, Mom tried not to but she wasn’t successful. Mom later explained why they could be called stinky pants.

“Does it make school hard having girls say you have hips like a girl?”

“At first, now it depends; many of the girls are nice about it. I even get to talk to them more now. A few of them even became good friends.”

“I talked to your Mom last night while you were on your date about the possibility of the Prom. Joy told me you might be asked and we both agreed you probably would not fully make a decision. Your mother said, “Janelle should go, but we can’t afford a new prom dress.” She agreed to pay seventy-five dollars and said she could use $100 from your camp money and we will contribute another fifty dollars.

I didn’t say anything, but I had mixed feelings about using my camp money even though I couldn’t go. What am I saying, “I can’t go I’m not a…” I saw Patti just in time to stop my statement.

Joy sat next to me, “Janelle, your panties are showing and Patti saw your panty liner aren’t you afraid she is going to see, you know?”

“No, it is not as big as you might think, unfortunately.” Joy noticed I felt bad, but not sure why? “I am sure I am quite safe… Mom, you can’t be serious about me going to the Prom.”

Mom asked me to follow her to the kitchen, “Janelle looks me in the eyes and if you can convince me you don’t want to go, I will change my decision.”

“Mom, I can’t go to the Prom, I’m not a girl…”

“Are you saying you don’t want to?”

“Of course, I don’t want to go, what boy would want to go in the gowns still for sale? I would be hideous in any dress I picked; I wouldn’t know how to pick the right shoes with a bad dress or how to wear my hair.”

“So after church and eating out, the three of us will see if it is too late or impossible. I usually don’t like to shop on Sunday, but I think this will be fun.”

“Fun?”

“Yes, I think you want to go, but you will be no good in school until you start believing it will work.” She handed me an apron and we got started on breakfast.

“You think I want to dress up in a fancy gown and go to a prom?”

“What colors would you look at for a gown?”

“Do you mean like pastels, or satin, lace, and velvet?”

“You know, you should practice dancing in heels? You should also be able to repair your makeup and hair.”
 
 
Joyce had come into the kitchen but had stayed out of my view and just listened. “Mom, you’re right she doesn’t say ‘no’.” I was uncomfortable with their talk, but Joy was like a big sister I didn’t have and Hannah cared about me in ways that my mother didn’t. I was upset that my mother was being more responsive than usual.

I have longed for it to be my Mom’s normal response, but I have too often been disappointed.

I like a big breakfast, but this morning I was happy with one pancake, a sausage patty, and pineapple juice. The conversation around the table was nice, though Mr. Grant was quiet and either reading the paper or just lightly smiling and enjoying his girls, including me. Hannah was very much part of the joyful conversation.

Hannah, “Joyce, I put a spring dress out for Janelle, could you please help her, and she could use you redoing the makeup around her breast forms. I am going to help Patti and make sure Faith is wearing something acceptable.” Joyce smiled, took my hand, and got me going.
 
 
I washed and was back in the bedroom in the middle of changing my panties with my back toward Joyce when she pushed me onto the bed. As I got up and turned to her, she was watching to see my boy parts. “So are you pleased? Was I right,” I snapped and turned away.

Joyce just hugged me from behind. “You say you’re small, seemingly your doctor and parents aren’t concerned?” How do you tell someone your parents don’t care? The doctor didn’t say anything because I was under eleven the last time he saw me.

I put on my panties and a half-slip and sat up for Joy to check the makeup around my breasts. “Even though you won’t be showing much, boys like Johnny Briggs will be checking you out.”

‘Johnny Briggs’, I knew Briggs from baseball, we were the same age but he’s bigger and I’m sure bigger where it counts for being a boy. I was reasonably comfortable that he would not recognize me; he possibly didn’t even know or remember me as Ronnie.
 

 
 
This morning as I did my makeup and hair, Joy was instructing me with few exceptions. She swept my front bangs and put just a hint of blush on my cheeks. When Mom saw me, she smiled at Joyce and asked me, “Are you comfortable being noticeably cuter?” I had twirled around to show off how I looked as Joy had suggested it. Mom giggled, “I guess so.”

Mr. Grant said something about, “It could be harder to be Ronnie.”
Joy responded, “… needs to be.” I only heard part of her statement. Joy had given me a hand purse making sure I have everything I need with me as we went to church. Faith took Patti to Sunday school; I went with Joy and sat on the balcony of the church while her parents sat in the main area.

The balcony had more high school kids, single parents, and some young families. There were two young moms with babies that nursed their babies there during worship. I was amazed knowing it would not have happened in my church. But it was rare to see anyone without white hair at my church, except for Easter. I usually didn’t go to church nor was I a member, but had gone for Easter hoping it would help regarding camp.

The service here was more enjoyable than I was used to. There were a good number of boys and high school girls there. And when it wasn’t interesting there was more talk or texting.
 
 
A few of the boys were looking at me, which was kind of creepy as they would smile. Two guys even hugged me for something called ‘exchanging the peace’. I think the boys misspelled the word, ‘piece’. If I were a girl; I would have liked to hug one of them. Johnny was the other side of Joy, but we didn’t meet until after church.

Johnny came over to me, “Joy says you are going to be living with her for a while. You should come to youth fellowship sometime.” He told me, “I am going to start playing baseball soon you should come and watch some of the games. It is a good way to meet some of the other girls who come and watch us.”

Saved by my big sis, we went and did mostly window shopping before we ate Sunday dinner out. Mom and Joy showed me two stores at the mall we would check out as well as one specialty store we passed on the way. Again I only had a light appetite when we ate.
 

 
 
Dad, Faith, and Patti went home and we began to shop for prom dresses. I still didn’t want to go to the Prom but I began liking the dresses and how they made me feel. Macy’s had a fair selection of dresses. I tried on one pink dress that was shorter and two that were gown style. The one I liked the most was a light pastel powder yellow, with spaghetti straps, and a full skirt that opened on the left side. The specialty store at the mall was nice and had a good variety, but I liked only two in my size. There was a red and white one I loved, but they only had it in sizes too large. They located it in my size and they could have it in three days.

I was ready to request it until Joy and her Mom said, “There are probably going to be at least two other girls with that dress at the prom.” They were upset with me when I still wanted to order it. “We will need to look some more,” and they got me out of that store.

The yellow gown would cost $275 even on sale, but neither Hannah nor Joy was happy with the quality of the gown. Sherry’s Bridal and Gowns Shop on the main road was a bit more promising. Between us, we found six gowns for me to try. The pink and silver gown I loved the best was placed at the tail end of what I would try on. That was because it had a price tag of $670 and a sale of $502.

Three dresses were very nice, the powder blue gown that I liked second best would still cost just over $340 though it was already reduced by 40%. A cream gown with pink trim was only $249, but it wasn’t what I wanted. The shop owner said, “You could have gotten some lower-priced gowns that were attractive, but you would have needed to be shopping in March at the latest for that selection.”

I did not tear up to play on Mom’s emotions. The thought did occur to me that ‘I could get out of going to the prom.’ “Young lady, if that is the gown you want. I will discount it to $335 which is half price if that is coming out of your purse.”

“I have enough to pay $325 plus what I earned the other day. But I still need shoes and I need to pay back for some things.” Paying back was for what I previously had stolen and Joy and I agreed about it.

“It will take you most of the summer but we can work something out, you are a very good little saleslady,” Mom said.

Sherry offered to take it down to $300, but Mom said, “No, I think she actually will owe you some more if she gets the stockings here that she should have.”

I had to try on the gown again to be fitted and this time they had me use a pair of special stockings. I was already excited by the gown and did not expect the stockings to make much difference. The tingling coming up my left leg felt so good I was in danger of wetting my pants and I cried out of pure joy.

Joy whispered to her mother, “Mom, I’m not sure but she might be a girl?”

Hannah didn’t think she was serious but said, “I know what you mean. She looks like Missy when she first came into heat.” They didn’t get to talk as Hannah helped Sherry with the dress and pinning it for alterations.

Sherry spoke to Hannah and me, “While you have the gown on there’s some jewelry I want to show you.” I resisted, “We are already buying enough.”

“Sherry’s not worried about the sale, and it won’t hurt you to look,” Mom said. They were both right, the price of the jewelry was not that much additional, but the pieces Sherry pointed out were meant for my gown. All I needed was a tiara and I would have felt like a princess.
 

 
 
After I changed back into my outfit, Joy handed me her phone. I heard one ring and then Paul answered. “Paul, I want to thank you for our date last night. I enjoyed being with you. Um, um…” Joy poked me. “I wanted you to know that we were looking at prom dresses today.

“Yes, it means I would like to go to the prom with you and we are buying the prom gown now.” I could hear Paul telling his mother and her asking to talk to me.

“Hi Mrs. Atkins, yes I want to accept Paul’s invitation to the prom. We were looking at prom dresses today. I wanted to know if I could find a pretty one that I could afford before I said yes. We found a very pretty one at Sherry’s Bridal and Gown Shop. It met the pretty criteria, and Sherry was very nice to help me afford it. It is mostly pink with silver. It has some satin, lace, and that light, um… Mom can you describe it to Mrs. Atkins.”

“Stacy, if you want you could come Wednesday evening when the alterations are finished and she tries it on again… Yes, Paul is right she is a very nice young girl. She’s one of my sister’s girls and she will be with us from now through the summer… She needed to get away from friends who were a bad influence on her.”

“Mrs. Atkins will come with us on Wednesday to pick up the gown. She only has boys and I think wants very much to enjoy this girl event. She is also happy you are going to go with Paul, she was very afraid of him being disappointed.”

Joy said, “Mom, I thought because of his shyness, Jan would be very safe with him, but after last night I am not quite sure.”

We were leaving the store and I wanted to know what Joy meant, but I was now so hungry. “Mom, is it time to eat again?”

Mom laughed, “We had two good meals; it was you who chose to eat like a bird.”

“I was nervous, now I’m hungry.” She stopped at a house and Joy was happy but I wasn’t sure what was happening. Hannah introduced me to a woman who came to the door, “Mom, this is Janelle, she didn’t eat earlier when we went out to eat, but she bought a prom dress and is now starving.”

“Well, young lady you are very attractive. Now would you like a sandwich, some leftover chicken and fixings, or a salad with the chicken? We can all have a dish of ice cream when you have eaten.”

I wanted the chicken and fixings but she had rice with mushrooms which I didn’t want. I asked for the salad and chicken. I was glad we would have ice cream as I ate the salad quickly and was still hungry. The woman was Fred’s Mom and she permitted me to call her Grandma if I wanted.

Mom told her how I came to live with them and Grandma said, “Boy, you chose the wrong store to steal from.”

Joyce once again told Mom and now Grandma, “I’m not sure, but she might not be a boy.”

Grandma took us into her bedroom and asked me to take off my dress and lie down. “Grandma, are you a nurse,” I asked. Mom and Joyce gasped.

“Why didn’t you ask me if I was a doctor? Maybe you want to get dressed and go to a real doctor?
 
 
There was a Dr. Grant, but I never heard she was a woman and I told Grandma so. “Well there still is a Dr. Grant and she is still a woman so if you don’t like it…” She paused and I knew she was hurt; I went up to her and cried on her shoulder saying, “I was sorry Grandma.”

Dr. Grant said, “I’m sorry too; I guess I am a bit sensitive today.”

“Dr. Grant, it must be the pits to be a good Doctor and have a stupid girl like me discount you because you’re a woman doctor?”

Dr. Grant asked me, “Tell me are you a boy, you look like you enjoy yourself as a girl?” She upset me by saying that.

“Of course, I’m a boy, I’m 100% boy. I just got caught and this is the consequence.”

“I need to ask; do you get excited like other boys?” I thought and laughed, “I guess so but I am not looking when they are excited.” Dr. Grant laughed now.

“Janelle, I can’t tell for sure, but you are small for being a teenage boy. You get excited and your body gets excited like other boys. Yet you weren’t surprised or upset that I looked at you, so I’m still wondering. You’re at the right place with my daughter. We will need to get you to a specialist to sort things out, but that won’t be before Wednesday probably.”

“You don’t believe me that I’m a boy!”

“I respect what you say and I care about you no matter what.” She pulls me in for a hug, ‘You’re quite a person and I expect you to be okay.”
 
End Part III
 

 

 
To Be Continued...
 
 

 

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Image Credits: Title Picture purchased and licensed for publishing from

123rf.com (Photo 16615320). The model in this image is in no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model's use is solely used for the representation of the looks of the main character of this particular story. ~Sephrena

Divider licensed free for use in publishing from Photoshopgraphics.com ~Sephrena.

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Part 4
 
Dr. Grant asked me, “Tell me are you a boy, you look like you enjoy yourself as a girl?” She upset me saying that… “Of course, I’m a boy, I’m 100% boy.”

“…I need to ask; do you get excited like other boys?” ...I thought and laughed, “I guess so but I am not looking when they are excited.”

Dr. Grant laughed now… “Yet you weren’t surprised or upset that I looked at you, so I’m still wondering. You’re at the right place with my daughter. We will need to get you to a specialist to sort things out.” “…You don’t believe me that I’m a boy?!”
 

 
 
Dad, Mr. Grant, hugged me as I came through the door, “I am glad you found a nice gown, Janelle. You will have to tell me about it soon. Right now I need to talk to my wife. …Hannah, I need to talk to you.” Mr. Grant caught me off guard but I liked that he was happy for me. They went to the kitchen, not to their bedroom so I thought it couldn’t be too bad.

“Hannah, Rachel Carney called and wants you to call her back. She said something happened at Jan’s parents’ house and she needs to talk to you.”

Hannah called Rachel, “Hi Rachel, we just got home and my husband said you wanted me to call you back, so what’s up?”

“Mrs. Grant, the police were over at the Hammers’ most of the afternoon. I don’t know if it is true but I heard a neighbor call the police thinking someone broke in and was robbing the house. When the Police came a car pulled away fast but someone was caught inside.” Rachel told Hannah, “None of the Hammers were there or able to be reached. One story is that Mr. and Mrs. Hammer like to gamble and they left town because they owe the wrong people too much money.”

“Thanks, Rachel, I guess I better call someone at the police station and let them know where Ronnie is. I don’t like the idea and I hope he can stay with us.”

“Fred (Mr. Grant), I’m going to call Chief Martin and see if I can find out what is going on and if it does concern the Hammers.” She called the station and got the dispatcher, “Yes, I heard it may be busy there but if it concerns the Hammers over on Elm Street, I think Chief Martin will want to talk with me. Yes tell him, it’s Hannah Grant calling to speak to him and tell him, ‘I know where Ronnie Hammer is.’”

Hannah talked for a while with Chief Martin and he sent over Officer Teresa Roberts in an unmarked car. Mom called Joyce and me into the living room; to meet with Mr. Grant, her, and Officer Teresa Roberts. Officer Terri identified herself, “Janelle, let me start by saying you are not in trouble. But there is no easy way to tell you so I will just be direct. Someone broke into your home today and while we caught one person and have a lead on the others; the problem is your parents and your brother left town yesterday. We suspect they owed the wrong people some money and were afraid for their lives.”

“It might be a little embarrassing but I need to verify with you, who you are. I need to make sure you being Janelle isn’t tied into what is happening in this situation. I also need to make sure you are comfortable being here. …Regularly we would turn you over to Human Services and the Court, but your identity as Janelle appears to be the best way to keep your identity and whereabouts unknown. …You say you are comfortable with being here at the Grants’ and are voluntarily agreeing to be Janelle and act as part of this family.”

“Chief Martin has given me this for you and the Grants to sign. It gives them the rights and power to be your legal guardians for now and states that you voluntarily accept this.” Teresa and I walked outside for a moment. She needed to verify things apart from the Grants.

“It is hard to believe you are a guy, Ronnie. I know Hannah and Fred, and I trust them. I hope you take this time of being with them to turn your life around. The Grants won’t be getting reimbursed at this point for having you here, so I hope you won’t get all girly on them as it could be expensive for them. If you need some things, I would be happy to come over on my time off and get you some things you might need.”

Ma Grant asks, “Janelle/Ronnie can you tell me how it seems you and your brother Tim are so different?”

I tell her, “Tim is seen as my Dad’s son and Mom got stuck with me. Even Mom sees women as weak. So when I appear to be weak as a girl, my mom sees me as hers by forfeit. She gets upset because as a son I can’t protect her.”

“Tim and his friends let me shoplift for them because they knew I would go into a woman’s department or a women's store like Mrs. Grant’s. Hannah and Joyce think that I like being feminine and pretty. I do like how pretty and colorful women’s clothing looks and feels, but deep down I am all boy.”

Officer Terri asks, “So you don’t mind wearing dresses and skirts?”

I asked, “So you think of me as a sissy if I did?”

She said, “I think a lot of boys and men would agree, but they are not as strong or as thoughtful as you.” That is a neat way of thinking about it.
 

 
After she left, Mom broke the news to me, “You are going to school tomorrow with Wallace Strong. You will like Wallace, she’ll be a big help to you?” I went to get ready for bed muttering to myself. Joyce was sensitive when I came into the room sulking.

She said, “I’m sorry about your parents and brother.”

“I’m now worried about going to school with some Wallace character. I hope Wallace isn’t one of those effeminate boys.”

Joy giggles as she says, “Wallace used to be much more boyish until puberty set in. Wallace is feminine and will like seeing your nice complexion and powdery blue eyes. She can help lend a lot to your charm and beauty; you're ‘attriant’ and it becomes you. I think you will like her.”

“I don't know what 'attriant' means, but it is nice you’re even thinking of Wallace that way.” I took off my makeup, showered, and moisturized my face. I was wrapped in a towel and fairly dry when I came back into the room. Joyce handed me a pretty dress and asked me to dance. I resisted only for a second or two but once I started I enjoyed it.

“Now stop and think, you’re the one in the gown. You need to be dancing what may seem to be backward as you flow and are swept along.” It took me two tries, and then I was swept. “O Janelle, I think, Paul is going to be so happy he asked you to the prom.”

“Yes, but will I?” I’m not sure if my dreams were related if so the answer is a disturbing yes!

Mom had an outfit chosen even before she woke me up before 6:00 a.m.; “Please let me sleep, this is much too early. I can get ready for school in fifteen minutes.”

“Maybe Ronnie could, but Janelle is a girl and it will take a little more time for her to get ready. Take a quick shower and get dried off, but don’t get your hair wet. I will be back in a minute.” She was true to her word. “Now lay down, I need to put this on you. Fred’s Mom, Dr. Grant, was up early before she went to the hospital and got this to help you at school. It will give you the look of…”

“I know what it will look of? Were you afraid I would try standing up in the girl’s room?” It was embarrassing; Mom shaved the little hair I had there. It made me look and feel more completely like a girl. I didn’t get in front of Joy’s mirror until I had my panty and bra on, and then only when I was all ready.

I was eating breakfast, a bowl of yogurt with fruit when the doorbell rang. Mom welcomed Wallace but all I saw was this girl. “Wallace this is Janelle and Janelle this is Wallace.” I looked hard but couldn’t see a trace of the boy. ‘But I thought 'Why keep the name, Wallace?’

Joyce surmised what I was thinking, “No, she is not another you.” Wallace took a hand and sat near me, “O you are adorable. Where did you get that complexion and those eyes?”

I spoke up, “I don’t have a complexion, this is my face, boys don’t have a complexion and the same goes for the eyes!”

“That is pretty hard to believe with the voice you have.” She’s right; I’m now using Janelle’s voice all the time.

I say, “I’m sorry but I thought you were going to be another boy.”

Wallace giggled, “No, you’re another girl and Mrs. Grant is correct. You will do much better at school if I am with you.” I now don’t mind the idea of spending the day with her, but I just wished I was Ronnie. “If you want you can call me Lace.”

“Thanks, Lacy, I…”

She interrupts, “The name is Lace; if you call me the other name I will send you to the boys’ room by mistake! Were you a Tomboy, as Joy told me?”

Lace says, “Keep your lips still, listen, and don’t talk until you know what you’re saying. I don’t want to have to explain things to others all day. If you have some pink lip-gloss, please use it lightly, so you look like a cute young thing.” Lace smiled and I wasn’t sure if I should do it or not. When she stared, I went and found pink lipgloss. I liked the look and put on silver eye shadow as well. Lace complimented me on the way to school.
 

 
Joyce drove us to school, and Lace asked about Joy’s college classes. Joy liked talking with her. I could tell Lace’s asking questions allowed Joy to carry the conversation and speak about her world.

Joy dropped me off with Lace, and I followed Lace to her locker like a puppy following a bigger dog for protection. Two boys came over with one tapping Lace on the shoulder, and I was ready to freak out. I whispered to her, “Where’s the boy’s room?” She quickly took me to the girl’s room and shoved me in the door of one of the stalls.

I had to catch my composure before I thought to turn around and sit like a girl to go pee. Getting myself back together was not so easy though, wiping the gaff made things easier. I heard Lace call Mom Grant. “Mrs. Grant, I have a very nervous girl here; is it okay if she attends class today with me as a visitor? Either after school or tomorrow, she might be ready to register for the remainder of the year.”

Lace is so pretty that she attracts the attention of boys wherever she went except for lunch, where we sat with a lot of girls. During study hall, Lace took me to the library and we got on the computer. “Janelle, you need to become familiar with St. Louis and decide which malls and stores you would have shopped there?”

Lace said, “We will walk home with my friends.” It was Marie Stewart’s home we walked to and we practiced our makeup. Mrs. Stewart is a sharp-looking lady and when she saw me, she said, “Janelle has pretty powder blue eyes. Would you mind darling if we just gave your eyebrows a little more arch?”

I smiled and shook my head ‘no’, but said 'yes' as I went over and sat on a stool, I saw her tweezers and knew she would pull many of the eyebrow hairs out. Sadly I already said yes. I was fortunate that Steph said, “Your eyebrows are so light and fair it is better not to pull so many to make a thin line.”

Steph is Lace’s best friend and she came with us when they walked me home to the Grant’s. Joyce was the first to notice my eyebrows. “So you’re one of the girls now that is a cute look.”

Joyce asks, “So did you work on your St. Louis history?”

“Yes, and it almost backfired. I asked Mrs. Stewart if she was related to any of the Stewarts in St. Louis?” She is but said they are distant relatives and she doesn’t know them.

“Joy, can I ask you a question about being a genius?” She nodded, so I asked, “Do you like boys your age or college guys?”

“I like both but for different reasons, being with Trey and others as high school boys are neat because I’ve known them all my life. But it gets kind of boring except for special projects and reports. I respect them but I feel like I’m past most of what those guys are interested in …The college guys are good to talk to, but it is hard to trust them because they are much stronger than me. I was almost raped by one who had seemed nice until we were alone. So now I try not to be alone with them. I have liked and loved a couple of guys, but at my age, I am too young.” I don’t know what exactly happened but I saw a flash of fear go across her face.

I thought of asking, ‘Joy do you think someone might try to rape me if they found out?'

Joy went on talking, “I can have my first degree from college shortly after I graduate from high school and a year after that I could have a master’s degree and be on my way to my doctoral degree.”

“Talking with my Mom is good but she is still my Mom. I take some classes at the state university and have done an independent study. But the department head is a jealous chauvinist because I find one of the women Profs more to my liking.”

“Janelle, you better not tell Trey or even the girls, if they get hurt I would be really upset. Their friendships mean a lot to me.”

I say, “You would probably kill me, huh?”

Joyce says, “That wouldn’t undo the damage, and revenge is immature. But watching you grow like a girl is kind of stimulating. I want you to do it right.”

“Am I to take that as a compliment?”

She says, “Not if you are still in denial.” “What?”

Joy asks, “… Well, you may not want to be a girl, but you can’t say you are not enjoying being one?”

“What kind of guy would that make me?”

“Are you afraid someone might think you’re gay or that you would want to be a girl? That is not what I meant. I think in some ways you might be big enough to grow from it. Boys sometimes say they would like to know how girls think or feel. In some ways, you are having that experience.”

“You like being my big sister, don’t you? I'm not saying that you’re right, but you would be good to talk about things with if some of it is true.” Joy smiled and I was happy she spoke up. “Do you think Faith knows?”

“No, but if she figures it out she won’t say anything. You might, however, enjoy doing some younger girl things with her… I’m pretty sure Mom understands.”

I ask, “Is your Mom trying to make me into a girl?”

“No, she just sees it as an appropriate discipline for what you did in stealing. What do you like about being a girl?” I wasn’t saying anything so she asked, “How did your eyebrows get shaped like that?”

“Mrs. Stewart saw me and asked if it were okay to shape them; I didn’t realize she would pull them out. I was lucky Stephanie was there and said they were too light to pull too many out.”

“Do you agree that they're being gone makes you look pretty?”

“I can’t believe it, but I agree their absence almost makes me look like a pretty girl.”

“Almost,” she said. “How about the other day I put just a little perfume on you?”

I closed my eyes to think and Joy did it again. “You do that just because I am a boy and it makes me feel girly, don’t you?”

“Yes, kind of,” she said. “I think girls have this desire to pull boys into our experience; after all, the world we live in is so male-oriented.”

“How so,” I asked. I was clueless.

“You don’t understand, do you? Janelle would understand but you are looking at things through Ronnie’s eyes.” I knew I offended Joy but I sat down and wouldn’t leave even when she told me to. “Girls can wear boy clothes but a boy wearing girls’ clothes is thought to be gay or a sissy; I can be considered one of the guys like a second baseman, and Grams can be a nurse but a doctor comes as a surprise, and man is born of a woman but somehow the man is thought to be superior. Do I need to go on?”

I spoke, “I can cry on Mom’s shoulder if my dad or my brother don’t see me. I know it’s not the same except for Janelle.” Joy hugged me, “I see the logic and I appreciate your being sensitive.”

I say, “I am not sure if trying to steal from your Mom’s store wasn’t accidentally the smartest thing I ever did.” Mom had come home and entered our room behind me.

Mom says, “Did I miss something? How was that your smartest moment?”

Joy says, “She wouldn’t have been Janelle and seeing things differently… Janelle, turn around and see if Mom notices what’s different?”

Mom looked, “Were you talking about her eyebrows or that she’s more of a girl after one day at school?” “…Janelle, Lace said you became nervous at school. I called the school office and you and I will be at school early tomorrow.”

Faith yelled from downstairs, “Mom, Officer Terri is here to see you and Janelle.”

Mom asks, “Joyce, can you help Jan to change and get ready to go out with Terri? See if she can fix her makeup for night-time.”

“Hurry Janelle and take a quick shower and I will have an outfit out for you.” She patted me on the butt as she pushed me toward the bathroom. “You will need to shave your legs tonight, but you don’t have the time right now.”
 
 
It was the third day I took a pill from Joyce’s disk of pills; I'm surprised she did not notice. I was hoping they helped me to have feelings like a girl.

Joy has out a mini-dress I didn’t remember getting, but it is cute and no one would see me as a boy wearing it. I looked at Joy’s necklaces and saw a light blue choker that I asked to wear. She put it around my neck and connected the clasp behind my neck.

She has me try on her 2  ½” pumps. The shoes fit and are not hard to walk in, but Joy said I need to take smaller steps gently putting each foot ahead of the other. I am not sure what Mom and Officer Terri smirked at, but I guess it was me entering the room like a girl.

“Janelle, aren’t you forgetting something?” I looked but couldn’t figure out what until Terri lifted her purse. Not only did I forget my purse, but Officer Terri was out of uniform and had a purse. I tripped trying to hurry upstairs but caught myself and I was lucky it did not cause a run in my pantyhose. ‘My pantyhose, my purse’ and now I’m going out to shop.' “It is okay for a boy to shop for pretty clothes,” I heard Joy whisper. I smiled at her when I came back with my purse.

‘Ugh’ Terri had a Chevy Camaro; I would need to sit down and hold the hem of my dress as I got into the car. When I was ready to close the door, Joy stopped me, “You did well but you need to remember each time.”

We did some shopping, buying two outfits before going to dinner, but Terri had visitors when we got back into the car. “Officer Roberts, we had hoped she was him, but she can’t be. So now we’ll need to find Officer Johnson.”
 

 
 
Terri was on her blackberry after the guys left, “Chief, I just had a visit from Joe and Brigg’s the other men. He said they would be looking for Officer Johnson now.” “…She’s with me; getting in the car with her mini-dress seemed to seal her identity. We’re going to Johnny’s Supper Club to eat. I would appreciate the car being watched.”

We talked about my first day of school and Terri laughed when I mentioned Wallace being Lace. She was happy I ordered a diet drink and something girl sensitive without being asked. I said, “You have my big sister Joy to thank for that.”

I wanted to ask if my parents were okay, but I was afraid someone might be listening. “Terri, I am surprised I can’t tell you are a police officer.” We talked through dinner; I was surprised I could talk that much. It wasn’t hard thinking of things to talk about.

A guy came and asked Terri for a dance after we ate. She turned toward me and said, “Sorry I can’t, please some other time.”

“Terri, it would be alright with me,” I said.

Brad was the guy’s name and he said, “My nephew is over there and if she would be willing to dance, Matt would be pleased to dance with her.” He waved his nephew over, “Hi, my name is Matt and it would be my pleasure if you would dance with me.”

“If Terri is going to dance, I would be pleased to,” I said. I asked as we made our way to the dance floor, “Aren’t you in one of Lace’s classes?”

“Lace Simons, Yes, she is actually in two of my classes; she’s a smart chick.”

“A smart chick,” I repeated. One song had just ended and the music slowed down as Matt brought me close to him. I reached up to put my arms on his shoulders and around his neck and I raised my head to look at him, his eyes and smile captivated me. He kissed the top of my forehead and I sought to nuzzle myself in one of his shoulders.
 
 
As the song came to an end, Matt held me close and we both prayed for another slow song. Our prayers were answered, and just when it dawned on me I was the girl. ‘Janelle, you can’t have the hots for him, he’s another boy.’

I pushed myself back away and looked up as Matt misinterpreted my gaze. He thought I wanted to kiss and I immediately froze with my head leaning back, looking up at him. I closed my eyes in time to feel his warm lips press against mine. ‘It shouldn’t’ have echoed in my mind as it did, but I enjoyed his kiss.

“Matt, I need to be going. I don’t even know you and I already like you too much.” He smiled as he took me back to Terri. Terri knew I needed to get going and we were soon out to the car.
 
 
Once in the car, we began to ride out of the parking lot when Terri looked over and stopped. She didn’t even need to ask, “I don’t know what is happening, Terri. Sometimes I'm just swept up in acting like a girl. The worst is I like it. You must think I am sick?”

Terri pulled over and hugged me as best she could over the console. “A lot has happened Janelle, I think you need to relax and not be so hard on yourself. Under regular circumstances, you probably wouldn’t do this. I can’t blame Matt for seeing you as warm and beautiful. And Matt is quite a good-looking hunk for a teenage girl I guess.”

It wasn’t said as a question, but I found myself saying “Yes” anyway. It was just after 9:30 when we got home. Joy quickly asked, “Let’s get up to our room so you can model your outfits for us women.” As soon as we were away from others, Joy asked, “So who’s the boy who kissed you?”

I say, “What makes you ask such a crazy question like that? There were no boys,” I said with a feeling to get her to back off.

“You didn’t fix your lipstick enough; you just wiped away some around the edges of your lips, didn’t you? It wouldn’t matter if you went on a date, but you went shopping and to dinner with a police officer no less.” Joy giggled, “Did she handcuff you and force you to kiss him?”

I say, “Not funny, Joyce,”

It was funny but the joke was on me so I wasn’t laughing. The first outfit was a pink halter top and a lime green skirt both were bold pastels. When I told Joy that I had a blouse as a second top for the skirt, she said, “I would suggest you wear the blouse for Mom.” She told me, “Between being a halter top and showing your belly button and midriff, I am sure Mom is not ready to see you modeling it. It would be good for a hot day, but hope it is cool enough in the morning to justify wearing a light jacket.”

I inquired, “Are you saying your Mom wouldn’t want me to wear it to school?”

Joyce says, “Let’s just say showing off your belly button like that represents the generation gap. By the time Faith wears a halter top to high school Mom will probably be more accepting of it.”

“Does that even go for you? I would think with your maturity and intellect your Mom wouldn’t worry."

“It is not me she would be worried about. I use discretion and dress in layers on a day like that.” Joyce continues, “Let me turn the question around if Rachel’s little sister wore something hot like that to school would it stop Ronnie from concentrating on the class?”

“As Ronnie, yes that would have been a great excuse. I take it; Rachel’s sister has come to the store?”

Joy smiled, once she confirmed Melissa Carney had caught my attention. “What color panties does Melissa wear?”

“I can’t remember a detail liked that?”

“To begin with, you shouldn’t have even been looking, but showing your panties is something you both do too much.” I turned red just at the thought. I had changed into the blouse and was ready to model for Mrs. Grant.
 
 
Mr. Grant was down in the kitchen as was Faith, and Terri Roberts was still talking to Mom. Dad shook his head at a boy modeling a new skirt outfit. The women thought I looked very cute in it, I guess Dad did too, but he didn’t necessarily see it as good news.

Joy was sure Terri was going to ask about the pink top, so she hurried me back out to change. When Joy handed me the dress; I asked if there was a slip in the bag. She handed me the pink bra along with the half slip. Being a knit dress, Joy knew the bright color of the bra added to the look. I asked Joy, “Can you make sure your Dad isn’t in there to roll his eyes?”

She smiled at me, “Just think of Dad’s presence as sensitivity training for the boys who will be looking.” I knew Joy had a point but it did not help about how I felt now.

“Why would boys want to look at me; I shouldn’t be that attractive to them?”

She said, “Let's just have a quick rundown on your time here as Jasmint and Janelle. You’ve dated Paul and he has asked you to the prom; you’ve been to church and a boy asked you to come to youth fellowship, and you went to dinner with a woman police officer and were in a lip-lock with a boy who asked you to dance. I’d say if you were any more attractive we would be putting new locks on the house.”

She nudged me, “We need to be getting downstairs to show off your new dress Miss Wallflower.”

“Should I use a different lipstick before we go downstairs?” Joy looked at the colors I had and suggested I go with the softer pink. It wasn’t but a minute and I was ready.
 
 
When we got downstairs Terri was ready to leave. “Officer Terri, I want to thank you so much for dinner and the new clothes. I know I am not a real girl and it shouldn’t mean much to me, but I am very appreciative of your kindness. It was funny that those men couldn’t imagine any possibility of me being a boy.”

Terri asked, “Would you amuse me and turn around so I can see how nice that dress looks on you? Whoever came up with the idea of changing lipstick colors, they chose well.”

Joyce spoke up, “Janelle raised the question and we agreed on the color. I want to know, who chose her new bra to go with this dress?”

“She realized the bra would show through and thought a white bra would look tacky and blah.” Terri smiled as she told Janelle.

Mom turned to me, “You have very good girl sense and style for a boy.”

I gave Terri a hug and everyone appreciated her helping us. Mom says, “O I forgot Janelle; Lace wants you to call her on her droid phone before 10:30. She wants to coordinate what you two are wearing to school. After you talk to her and lay out your outfit, I would like to talk with you,” Mom said.

“Hi Lace, my Mom just told me you called and that I was to call you back. Sorry, it is late, but I went shopping and out to dinner. …Who told you? No, I didn’t know who Matt was other than seeing him in one of your classes. I thought he had his eye on you in class; I guess he wasn’t too particular today. …I didn’t mean to kiss him, it just happened. …That is not funny; it is not like repeatedly stabbing someone by accident. Joy already gave me a hard time when I got home.”
 

 
 
I was glad when the conversation got to what we were wearing to school. “The knit dress I got today is nothing fancy. Terri said it should be good to wear to school. …Yes, we bought a pink lace and satin bra to wear with the dress. …Okay, I will wear that tomorrow and I will get the skirt and blouse washed so I can wear it sometime this week. Mom can pick you up if you are comfortable with going early.” We agreed to meet after Mom helped me get registered for school.

“Hi Mom, what did you want to see me about?”

Mom says, “Janelle, we need to get a few things done this week and I am going to need good cooperation from you. You already know I am going to school to get you registered. They may or may not allow you to register until we get you to a doctor for a health check. Both could be a problem as we do not plan to tell the school you’re a boy.”

“Terri and Chief Martin want as few people as possible to know you are a boy. They gave me the name of a doctor and officials at the University Hospitals who will help us. If you try anything inappropriate at school it would mean a lot of trouble for you and us. The last thing we need to do should be fun, Thursday you will have a salon appointment for the full work.”

“What makes you think a salon appointment with the full works would be fun for me?” I asked.

“You seem to be having a good time being a girl, even if you think you are just pretending. With a facial, manicure, and pedicure you will appear to be a girl with little effort. Also, Joy has some home softball games this week we should attend and I want your help at the store three days after school or Saturday.”

“What about seeing that specialist that Grandma talked about?”

“Hopefully we can see her when we go to the University Hospital. Dr. Grant has privileges at both places.”

Mom Grant asks, “What do you think about the possibility of being a boy or not?”

“Mom that’s not funny; I haven’t ever heard of what Grams was talking about. I may not be the toughest or most rugged boy, but I am just pretending to be a girl and pretending to enjoy it. I would go get a girl pregnant to prove my point if I didn’t look like this.”

“Would you really,” Mom asked with a stern look?

“No, you know I wouldn’t. I’m just angry that people don’t seem to believe me. If I were a girl, I would want to continue to live here. I am sure my parents would understand worse than I do.”

“Janelle, that reminds me; I wanted to ask about your Mom and why she didn’t take you to the doctor?”

“I could never depend on how my Mom would react to me. She would make me wear an apron or lipstick and then have me clean the house. But if anyone saw me or if she got upset she would punish me and say she caught me being a sissy.”

“Once I saw my mother take Dad’s secret cash and she went gambling. She bought me a pretty dress and I had to promise not to tell.”

Ma Grant asked, “Did she know you liked to dress like a girl?”

“I didn’t know, I liked to until after you caught me and had me dress like a girl. It wasn’t safe with my Mom and too often I was forced and made fun of. I probably wouldn’t have minded even being a Sissy if I thought she loved me like that.”

“The last time I liked it a neighbor girl asked if I could be a cheerleader for Halloween. She was a football player and we went to a party together. We were able to play together, up in her room. That stopped when they told Mom, ‘I should be a real girl.’ My mom and dad both beat me up and told people I was a sissy. I am even afraid you are helping my Mom or dad to embarrass me?”

Mom said, “Why would we want to embarrass you?” I knew Joyce was now in the room but I was upset and didn’t care.

“I could ask, why would you want to be nice to me? I stole from your store. I insulted Grandma but she said she respected me. You, people, don’t make sense!”

Joyce spoke, “She has a point, Mom. Jan that means you probably don’t trust me either.”

“I don’t but you are both too smart for me, and it seems genuine. I like thinking you are my big sister. I expect I will be embarrassed but I decided to enjoy it instead of worrying about when it will happen.”

When Joy and I went to bed, I was crying. Joyce was still awake talking to people on her computer and smartphone. Joyce shut her stuff down and came over to me with a pink stuffed dragon. “Why don't you hug Prissy and go to sleep? I will stay with you until you are asleep.”

“If you’re going to leave me, let me just be with Prissy.” I hugged Prissy and Joyce was behind me, hugging me.

Mom checked on us, “Joyce, I don’t think that is wise, you should get in your bed right now.”

“Mom, I’m just with my little sister. She needs me, please!” Mom gave us both a kiss good night and left us as we were…
 
End Part IV
 

 

 
To Be Continued...
 
 

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Image Credits: Title Picture purchased and licensed for publishing from

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Divider licensed free for use in publishing from Photoshopgraphics.com ~Sephrena.

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Part 5
 
Previously: When I went to bed, I was crying. Joyce came over with a pink stuffed dragon. “Hug Prissy and go to sleep, I will stay until you’re asleep.” …I hugged Prissy and Joyce was behind me, hugging me. …

Mom “Joyce, I don’t think that is wise,”
 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said… “I’m not.” I didn’t mean to say it out loud… “Then I hope you can handle it.” Joy laid on to the bed next to me…
Later, I turned during the night and found myself in Joy’s arms with a leg locked between mine. I tried to speak but I was in her face and she kissed me. The first kiss was just a peck, but then it got warm and juicy. I liked it but I didn’t want to take advantage of her. “This can’t be happening,” I whispered.

“Shush!”

‘Did I just hear that?’ Her breasts felt hot as she leaned against me and her hips were moving against me. Joy’s eyes opened and I knew she was awake.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” she said.

“I’m not.” Again I didn’t mean to say it out loud.

“Then I hope you can handle it.” She rolled on top and began to make out with me, but not my penis. I didn’t know if we were supposed to be two girls or what. I knew I was being treated as a girl. Joy had us rolling and gyrating as she and then I began to shudder. It was like an explosion of feelings.

“I’m sorry,” Joy said. “I think that was the pent up genius needing to express herself.” She had my top off and my nipples were sensitive to her caressing lips. She sucked on one nipple and then changed to the other. …The next thing I knew I was waking up with Mom looking at me, “It looks like you had a good dream. Please take a good shower before getting dressed, put your sheets in the laundry and then come to breakfast.”

Joy was wrapped in a towel at the bathroom sink when I walked in and sat down on the throne without thinking. “Do you remember what happened last night,” asked Joy?

“I’m not sure, but I thought you woke up and kissed me, and then it got worse from there.”

“Worse isn't how I would describe it? If Mom thinks you had a wet dream, let’s leave it at that.”

“So I didn’t dream it?”

“No, you didn’t but I didn’t plan or intend it to happen. When I kissed, you said you weren’t sorry, so I didn’t stop. If you want to talk about it that would be fine, but don’t tell others, especially Mom or Dad”

I teased her, “Faith would be okay right?”

“If that was to be funny, it wasn’t,” Joyce said. “I could slap the smirk off your face? Don’t detract from a neat time; it may have been wrong but it felt special.”

“…I’m sorry, it was, I’m sure I’ll remember” I smiled and we hugged.

It was the first cold shower I remember choosing to take as I got ready for school.

Wearing my knit dress with the pink bra felt nice especially after last night. I hadn’t glued my breast forms strongly in place, wondering if I would be going to the doctor. Joy agreed that it didn’t show. Down at breakfast, Mom smiled, “If that doesn’t scream healthy girl, nothing will.” Joy and I smiled too, while Dad who was leaving for work shook his head. Faith irritated Mom when she called me a “Prissy Sissy.

Lace called and asked if we could pick her up, she needed to be in early for a voice lesson.

“Wow Jan, you look really pretty today.” “…Thanks, Lace.”

Principal Miller and Guidance Counselor Samantha Norton both met with us. “I’m sorry Mrs. Grant but with what is going on the south side, it is extra important we do everything by the book. Someone said Janelle is your sister’s daughter. So if you just have her Mom fill out these forms and have her school records sent with vaccine information that will be fine.”

“Well that won’t be, the situation in St. Louis is different from what is happening here, but Janelle’s whereabouts cannot be known there either. Chief Martin might be able to confirm that.” Ms. Norton left the room and came back, “

Chief Martin confirmed that to be true and gave the name of the woman officer whom we are to work through if anything more is needed. He said, she has arranged for Janelle to have a physical, that doctor can document information for our records.”

Principal Miller, “I guess we can appreciate such a situation and we’re glad she can be here. Janelle, you seem to be a fine young woman and it will be good to have you with us. Does anyone know if it is just through the end of the school year or longer?”

“We think it will be sometime this summer but they’re not really sure,” I stated. “So can I attend classes today? I was with Lace yesterday. If I could just keep her schedule I would appreciate it.”

“Ms. Grant and Janelle that would be alright with us, but I ask that later today or tomorrow we would appreciate if she could see her doctor, so we can have our records in order.”

Mom handed Ms, Norton a check, “That is for fees and lunch tickets through the remainder of the year.” Mom gave me a kiss and sent me on my way, but Ms. Norton called me back to give me a hall pass. 

 
Our first class had been going for twenty minutes, so the teacher told me to be seated. I went to sit down but there was a boy sitting where I sat yesterday. There weren’t any other seats in that row, so I told the boy, “I sat there yesterday.”

He said, “My name is Cecil Walters and this is my seat, but I was sick yesterday.”

I smiled and asked, “Do you know which seats are really open?”

Cecil said, “The boy who sat next to me moved away, so I know it’s open. Why don’t you take it? If you want you can have my seat if you will eat lunch with me?”

“I appreciate that and you can eat with us today that would be fine.”

Cecil was already up and moving before he heard my agreement. “If others don’t want you sitting with us then it would be just you and I sitting together, is that fair?” He nodded, yes. It was funny because Cecil was looking exactly where I would have been watching as Ronnie. Hopefully, Ronnie usually looked with a little more discretion. “The teacher’s up there,” I pointed to the front of the classroom.

I heard Lace whisper, “Cruel.”

I agreed with Lace after class that Cecil was attractive for a boy. “You need to learn to say ‘No’ to a boy?”

“I didn’t say yes to anything I just wanted the seat,” I stood my grounds.

“Did you or did you not agree to sit with a boy for lunch?”

“I said he could sit with us.”

“Inviting him to sit with you is the same thing. Plus you said you would sit alone with him if we didn’t let him sit with us.” Lace knew she had me, but I did a girl thing. Ignore what she said and went to the next class. The dress and slip felt really nice and as we walked to the next class I twirled once.

“O, get real girly, I can’t believe you just did that,” Lace was more embarrassed than me. But as it registered I was a close second.

“I’m sorry Lace I wasn’t thinking.” She pulled me into the girls’ room. The only other girl just left.

“If you were doing that to throw off criminals that would be one thing, but you were just enjoying being a girl. Now fix your face and let’s get to class.”
 

 
 
Mr. Bailey was staring at us when we came in late. Lace spoke up, “Sorry Mr. Bailey, she’s new and I got her here as soon as I could.” Mr. Bailey was still waiting for something. “O yes, this is Janelle Grant. She will be with us for the rest of the school year.”

Mr. Bailey said, “Janelle welcome, tell us a little about yourself?”

Lace again took over, “She is a cousin to the ‘Brain’; so she’s another little sister.”

He said, “Can you talk for yourself, Miss Grant?”

“Yes, my cousin is probably not comfortable with being singled out for her intelligence, but I am glad she is like a Big Sister. I am not smart like her nor do I have special gifts or talents. I was happy when I found out Lace was Wallace because I didn’t want to have a guy showing me around.”

Another girl spoke up, “That’s because she wants to be free for all the boys to like her.” Lace and a few other girls kind of coughed in agreement.

“Why would you say something like that,” Mr. Bailey asked.

“Word is she already has a date to the prom; today Cecil gave up his seat to her and I know there are one or two other boys thrown in there. If she played softball she would still have a perfect average. But the invite to the Prom should be considered a home run,” she giggled.

Liz spoke up, “She is even liked by most of us girls; there she’s like Joyce.” I smiled whispering “Thank you.”

The class was geography and the teacher sought to apply his lesson to how we might think. “Who can name six or more major cities in our country?” Only two boys volunteered answers. “Miss Grant, could you give a reason more boys should be able to answer that question?”

“I would guess you expect them to relate professional sports cities to larger cities, like Los Angeles, Atlanta, Dallas, Washington, D.C. as Chicago and New York City had already been named. Someone named Toronto but it is in Canada; I think that person named it because of the Toronto Blue Jays and their hockey team was in the playoffs.”

Mr. Bailey smiled, “Yes that is the correlation I hope students could make. Can anyone relate that to the world and sports?”

Lace raised her hand and said, “Beijing, London, Athens, Salt Lake City, and Paris. I know the next Summer Games are to be in Brazil, but I don’t remember the city.”
 
 
Come to lunchtime Janelle found herself looking around for Cecil, “If you want Jan we can ban Cecil from our table and you can have him all to yourself.” I knew she was teasing, at least I hoped she was. Cecil found Janelle and they went through the line together. Cecil went over to the table where Lace was as Janelle held her breath. Cecil was welcomed and Jan sat between him and Lace.

Lace didn’t notice any forced gestures for Jan to eat like a girl, but truthfully she was doing very well and better than some girls. Cecil talked about classes they share and a new video game, until Janelle asked, “Why did you ask me to have lunch with you?”

He stuttered and then, “I want to talk with you.”

“But I think you aren’t talking about what you want to; please either tell me something interesting about yourself or what you really want to talk about?” I could see Lace and other girls wondered if he would speak up or hurry off. Lace said as I waited for Cecil to reply, “Let’s go to the girl’s room before class starts.”

“Cecil you are a good looking boy who is smart, this shouldn’t be as hard as you make it.”

“…You think that?”

“…One more delay, and I am out of here.”

He quickly said, “Can we go for an ice cream cone alone after school?

“You’re asking, if that means you’re treating, yes, but I need to get to my Mom’s shop by 4:00 p.m.”

I was up with my tray and Lace was tugging on me. I said to Cecil, “Tell Doug to ask Lace to come along.” We disposed of our trays and were quickly in the girl’s room. I knew to quickly use a stall to gain some time to think. ‘I couldn’t believe it here I was sitting like a girl going to the toilet and thinking what to say to Lace.’

Lace is already at the sink taking care of herself. I wash my hands and checked my face. I needed to touch up my make-up and hair, which are simple enough. “What are you doing, another date and pulling me in as well?”

“It’s not a date, just ice cream and I included you because I am tired of you just looking and talking?” Other girls giggle and Lace is a little embarrassed. I said, “Tell me you don’t like Doug?” I am digging her hole a little deeper.

My phone vibrated, so I check and see a message from Mom: “Your appointment is tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. I want you to be at the store by 4:00 p.m.” Message two, from Joyce: “I am playing in the varsity game please be there before the game at 7:00 p.m. Please let me know when you are there?” 

 
 
The end of school came soon enough and Cecil found me and Doug asked Lace to go with him as well. Each event is new for me, so part of me is really nervous but only my family understands that. I felt I needed to tell Cecil about Paul and the Prom, “Cecil I will only be friends right now as I’m going to the Prom with Paul. And if he asks me I will probably continue to date him. I would like us to be friends and when appropriate study partners.”

“Cecil put on a happy face saying, “That is alright because my parents won’t let me date yet.”

After we got ice cream and finished talking I went to Hannah’s Women’s Shoppe, and Lace came with me. “Mom, I got a message from Joyce that she is playing in the varsity game which will begin at 7:00 p.m. She said we should be there on time. If it is okay I am going to buy a pair of Jeans and a top so I don’t need to wear this dress at the game?”

“Hi Mrs. Grant, would it be okay if I went to the softball game with you,” Lace asked?

“Hi Lace, yes we would love to have you go with us. If you would pick out something; it will be my thanks for helping Janelle at school.”

“Mrs. Grant that isn’t necessary…” I pulled Lace along with me. Come ten after four Mom told me to stop my search and get helping customers. Jasmine and Rachel were both there and Mom was working as well. The store however still had more customers needing help.

“Young lady, are you the one who called Hannah Mom?” The woman looked to be in her sixties at least and the girl appeared to be of college age but looked like someone I saw in school. I thought they were probably related but I did not want to guess wrong.

“So how can I help you?”

“Well, I am going to take my Granddaughter to New York City to a family wedding and it is going to be her first social outing there as a young lady. She wants me to purchase this cocktail dress. While it is pretty, I do not want her cousin embarrassed. Her cousin wants her as a hostess at the church and the first hour or two of the reception.”

“You said, she would be a hostess for the wedding at the church and the first two hours of the reception. I have been to two receptions that started with a meal and the cutting of the cake and then there was a change and the dance reception was more relaxed. Is this reception going to be like that?”

“Well, yes, but much more dressy than you probably understand.”

“I am sure, but I think the two of you have room to have your wishes. But before I explain, could you please tell me your names?”

Mrs. Johnson is the grandmother and Sharon Evers, a junior at Penn University. I could tell by how she carried herself she already had been around society. “Sharon, might I ask, if you are a member of a sorority or have been part of social gatherings in Philadelphia?”

“What I would like to suggest is that you two pick three more formal evening gowns that you both agree to and then three less formal evening dresses more suitable for dancing afterward. While alterations help some, trying the gowns will lead you to select one or two gowns. By then Hannah should be free for the final selection and fitting.

Mrs. Johnson was shaken by the idea of buying two gowns, though I was sure finances were not a concern. While Sharon was trying on her second gown, it was easy to see she would help make any gown look even more eloquent. When she came out in the beige gown the whole store stopped and looked at her in amazement. I was all but sure she had just found the right formal gown.

“Mrs. Johnson, your granddaughter looks most eloquent in that gown. Now, if they stay up to burn the city lights, I would not want her to be in that gown all that time. That shimmering blue cocktail gown or one of the others would be a welcome addition to showing she is a grown woman who understands the City.”

“You have a point, but if she is going to enjoy herself I might as well also; Mr. Johnson can just learn to loosen his checkbook.”

“Your Granddaughter appears to be one who will be very appreciative. If you don’t mind however I would like to get Hannah, she’s really my aunt, and I’m sure she will be much better at coordinating all that needs to go with it as well as fitting her dresses as well as your own selection.
 
 
I went to talk with Sharon. She was very relieved; she would be able to get the second dress. “I am going to push a little and try the two shorter dresses that I like. There is no use to trying other gowns as I am set on this one. I will need your help in getting out of this gown without any problem.”

I unhooked the top of the gown and started the zipper down to where Sharon could easily reach it. “Please come in front and help hold the gown and let me hold you as I step out of it please.” I was embarrassed about being there. I held the front of the gown as best I could, steadied myself as Sharon leaned on me. I looked into Sharon’s beautiful eyes and nowhere else.

“Thank you, Janelle is it?” I thanked her for the compliment while taking the gown and placing the two shorter dresses at her reach. I took the gown to the fitting area, hung it up and set it aside to be fitted. The dark blue short evening dress shimmered; Sharon showed it off out of grandma’s sight as potentially grabbing attention with her naughty side.

Jasmine and I were amused with the change as she went out to Grandma and her demeanor changed. Grandma was a very alive sixty-year-old woman who looked incredible in the gown she selected. She looked no less than five years younger, and ten years younger than when she first came in.

Sharon acknowledged, “Grandma you already have a very nice dress, but this one is fantastic.”

“Yes, the other politely says ‘Grandmother’, now what do you say of these?”

“I am impressed the red, pink and white dress looks very vibrant and Grandpa will have you dancing all night or lose you.” I had to giggle at her statement. Grandma leaving the store looked very different from the staid grandma who had come into the store. I was glad however that I gave the order over to Hannah to finish. I kept busy helping customers or checking out purchases.

Before Sharon left she had come over and asked, “You’re the new girl at school that my younger sister Kara is talking about. She said you were cute and so nice that you were too good to be real. My guess is you were a tomboy and you’re trying hard to break those habits.”

“I am easily intimidated because you and others are beautiful and you know how to carry yourself. Even then a guy or someone well intended like your grandmother doesn’t see it.”

“Well thank you and thank you for helping me and my Grandmother?”

I spoke, “I have a question about the fragrance you’re wearing; can you tell me what it is?”

Sharon reached into her purse and showed me her bottle of Cashmere Mist and then asked me to put out my left wrist and lightly sprayed it. I didn’t know enough to rub my two wrists and to lightly sniff. Sharon was amused but happy to tell me to rub some on my neck below my ears. “From the sounds of it you might have enough boys nibbling at your earlobes already?”

“I don’t think so, but if one boy talks to me it seems other girls think it is too much. Why would I want a boy nibbling at my ears anyway?”

“You really don’t know do you?”

“Well I can’t think a boy slobbering on my neck would be fun,” I said.

“Well, actually I think other women are more sensual if you could handle it. I probably shouldn’t have said that to you,” Sharon replied.

“I had a friend in St. Louis say something similar, something like women being more attune to the sensitivity of another woman.”

I was uncomfortable about how excited I was as we talked. So I excused myself as I still needed to pick out a pair of jeans and a top before I went to the softball game. Lacey came over with three pairs of jeans for me to choose from. I chided Lace as two pairs would ride on my hips.

She chided me back, “I bet you don’t mind looking at a girl in them? Don’t worry about your ass some boys are going to find them more than attractive.” She was embarrassed as soon as she said it.

I teased, “Don’t you feel bad about talking to me like this?”

“…Not when you are looking like this I’m not, keep that pair on I’ll just take off the tag. Now put on this top and blouse over that and we will be done.”

The top and blouse, as Lace did the blouse, made me look like I had cleavage. I wanted to button up the blouse, but Lace slapped my hands and Jasmine told me to listen to Lace. I complained to Mom and went 0 for three.

There went the last of my mother’s gift card. The shoes were not a great match but would be manageable. It would be 6:20 before Mom was through with fittings. Jasmine had instructed Rachel and me to restocked what we could. Lace was amused with how quickly I was learning to fold or hang women’s clothes.

Lace giggled, “Some woman is going to be pleased to have you go shopping and doing the laundry.” The girl comments were coming too fast.

“Quit teasing me,” I snapped at Lace and had tears in my eyes. I spoke too loudly as Mom and others turned toward us. Lace was embarrassed as well as upset that I couldn’t take the teasing.

“Maybe these jeans are too girly for you,” Lace whispered?

“I’m sorry Lace, you didn’t deserve that. It’s just that I am trying so hard to be someone I don’t want to be.”

“Things might be moving way to fast, but maybe you like it more than you are comfortable admitting,” Lace said and Jasmine shook her head in agreement.

“It’s kind of fun, but only because it’s temporary,” I insisted.

Mom tapped me, “Forget what you’re doing, we need to get going.” Hannah didn’t even stand up for me. I let Lace ride up front as I didn’t want anyone to see me.

“We have fifteen minutes, go see what your sister wanted you for please.”

“Hey Sis, Coach asked if I knew anyone who could keep score. I remembered you said you do; so if you are willing to get in here then you can go with us for Pizza if we win.”

“But I have Lace with me?”

“Ask her if she wants to sit in here with you or out there?” I asked and Lace decided to stay out as there were more boys than usual at the game.
 

 
 
Come to the third inning, I needed to catch for the pitcher as the catcher got her equipment back on. I heard Rick claim he saw my panties which was a little annoying, even if it wasn’t true. Seemingly he knew, I didn’t believe him, so he said out loud, “shiny pink.” Then I knew better.

I told Joy the next time she came into the dugout. “Don’t get upset that happens to all of us.”

“All of us aren’t girls, Joyce?”

She looked me in the eyes and smiled, “I could either tell them you are not just another girl, or you can be happy that right now you are passing for one.”

Paul as well as Rick ate at the pizza place and gave us a ride home, unfortunately by a longer route. I cursed the perfume below my ears even though I found out why a girl might like it. I creamed my panty liner as I was now feeling very warm. Both Rick and Paul walked us to the front door where we kissed some more.

Once inside, I was sure Joyce knew what had happened and had me sit with her and Mom to talk. The talk was mostly about the game and my helping the team. But I was still warm and I felt messy.
 
 
Finally, it was time to get ready for bed; “Janelle, remember you have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. and we will go have your nails done afterward. We'll have lunch together.” I wanted to protest getting the nails done as well as a doctor seeing me dressed as a girl. However, I knew the protests would be in vain.

As I wrapped the panty liner in toilet paper, I could hear Joyce, “That’s a good idea but don’t think you are fooling Mom or me.” “…I couldn’t help it, Joyce.” I felt bad that I got excited about a boy, but I couldn’t talk to anyone.

Before I could take my shower to clean myself the gaff needed to come off, but for that, I needed the solvent to remove it. “Joyce, I need the solvent to remove the gaff if I am going to clean myself.”

“Janelle, it is okay you can trust Mom with knowing what happened. You might not like it, but girls experience a Mom knowing more than one is comfortable with. Just make sure you learn from Mom how to do it yourself.”

Joy calls downstairs, “Mom, Janelle needs you.”

Mom came up and asked, “Janelle please lie down so I can help get your gaff off?”

“Mom, how did you know? Joyce, you already told Mom that wasn’t fair.”

Mom said, “Janelle, I don’t think you want to get in a discussion about how I knew. Let’s just say I am glad it was you and not Paul. And no, Paul didn’t know as he had his own problems.”

‘No, I don’t want to think of it.’ One thing I continue to be surprised about is Mom and others actually treat me better than I treat others.

I was in the shower when Joyce came into the bathroom. We were getting used to each other being there; I guess I’m just another girl to Joy. “Janelle, you can be glad you are not a girl tomorrow when you get your physical.”

“D**, I hadn’t thought; what is she going to do? Hopefully, she’ll fill out the forms and I’ll be on my way.” Joy hands me a breath mint, “What’s this for?”

“Your mouth, ...Janelle, tomorrow might scare you a bit. Hopefully, she thinks to help you to find out what is going on with your body and help you understand better who you really are?”

“That would be nice, but I don’t think they really want to help me. I’m sure my Mom or Dad won’t approve of anything like that. ...What do you mean about knowing who I am?”

“Between you being small down there and… well, some things about Janelle seem to come so easy. For one, most guys aren’t guy magnets like you; more significantly as Janelle you also like it.”

Somewhere in our discussion, I dozed off; one dream I kind of remember I unsuccessfully wrestle with the idea of me, Janelle, liking boys. I didn’t recognize the guy, but I was very happy when I first woke from the dream and I was glad Joy was fast asleep. When I went back to sleep my body was transforming. There were a vagina and breasts on a medical tray and I was going under sedation for surgery. Instead of saying ‘No’ I heard me say ‘Thank you, doctor’.
 

 
I was awake and up at 5:30 a.m. earlier than usual. After a quick shower, I found a simple skirt and blouse outfit waiting for me. But I put on my bra, panties and my robe and went to the kitchen. Mom was up and relaxing, so I got a cup of tea and sat with her. “Mom would it be a problem if Joyce went with us to the University Hospital. I think I would feel a little more comfortable if she did.”

“We can ask her when she gets up. So what is making you a bit nervous?”

“Well, I was hoping I would go and she would just sign the needed documents and we would be through. But Joyce got me thinking; she hopes the doctor checks me over and helps to figure out what is up with my body. Joyce says my penis …I’m sorry it is not proper to talk like this with you.”

Mom laughed, “I’m sorry that you are in this predicament, having to trust someone you hardly know.”

“It may sound strange, but I trust you and Joyce a lot. Joyce gets me to think of things that I’m not always comfortable with. She thinks I might not be a boy and that girl things come too naturally for me to be a boy. But I have always been a boy. Because I’m smaller and don’t have muscles like some boys, including Tim, my Dad gets angry with me. He likes to push me around too get me tougher. He puts me down and I just take it. He expects me to fight back, and get beat up even more. I can’t win either way.”

I continue “Mom used to treat me like the daughter she wanted. She got upset with me when she saw her son as a sissy girl.”

Ma Grant says, “So you would be uncomfortable if the doctor thinks you’re a girl?”

“How could that be otherwise and how would I adjust; I’ve been a boy all my life.”

“Mom, how could I become a girl at fifteen? Others think I act like a girl, but being a girl is very complicated if one hasn’t been one. I am sure she will say I am a boy. While I kind of like acting like a girl, the doctor couldn’t give me the one thing I would like.”

Mom asks, “And what is that Janelle; what would you like to happen?”

“Well someday my parents are going to come back and I won’t need to act like a girl. I will have to go back to my own family.”

Mom says, “But what is it you would like to happen?”

“I like being a girl because I love being part of this family. Even Dad is comfortable with me being more girl like.”

“So whether you were a girl or boy, you would like to be part of a family, is that correct,” Mom asked?

“Kind of, but it is more like if I’m Ronnie wrestling with being him or Janelle being disciplined for shoplifting like you are doing to me. If I discovered I was or wanted to be Janelle then I would definitely want to be in this family. If I had to go back to just being Ronnie I would just plan to run away. Unfortunately, it’s the least attractive, but the most likely.”

Mom gave me a big hug; she didn’t cry but she shook as she wanted too. She fought to keep her composure. She asked, “Janelle, please go and get ready for the day. You can either ask Joyce to go with us or you can send her to me and I will talk to her.”

I kind of felt incomplete as I needed to tuck myself because the gaff wasn’t on. I kind of liked my penis hidden away. I did, however, like how I was looking. I have changed; I know better how to wear girl’s clothing, makeup and even to style my hair fairly well.
 

 
We saw Faith off to school and Dad earlier to work, and then the three of us left for the University Medical Center. Dr. Holly Simmons was more intrigued with comments received from Dr. Grant, than the simple physical exam and documentation Chief Martin needed for Ronnie's alias Janelle. Thus she asked for blood samples to be drawn and examined, while she met, interviewed and examined Janelle.

“May I call you Janelle or would you prefer Ronnie,” she asked? With Janelle’s permission to address her as she was dressed, “Janelle, do you understand what the term androgyny means or relates to?”

“Your blood test, examining you as well as talking to you I am getting a complex picture. You have the features of a person with both male and female physical traits. You have chromosome differentiation that seems to be part of the answer. But your life has been complicated by the suppression of your female identity until just recently. Yet I believe your social identity as Janelle is as strong as or stronger than you male identity as Ronnie.”

“But twice since I’ve been with the Grants I’ve gotten so excited that I messed my panties how could you explain that plus they tested my sperm?”

“I do understand you got excited and had a very emotional experience, and while you did excrete what you thought was sperm it was merely the fluids that might carry the sperm as well as the juices that are regularly excreted by some women during a sexual experience.”

“I am comfortable with you continuing your present identity as Janelle, but I would like to meet with you again next week and every other week thereafter as well as a counselor when you are here. I have talked with Hannah and I would like you to continue to bond with Hannah as a foster mother that you admire. It doesn’t mean everything between you two will be harmonious that is not the role of a mother.”

“You and others have shared you are going to the prom in a week. Though I think you are quite young to do so; I will accept that it has already been agreed upon. It should be quite an experience for you as a young woman. Please realize that you psyche and gender identity are likely to be quite different than the perceived sex identity you have lived under for the past fourteen plus years.”

"I am going to give you a prescription, much like birth control pills but in this case, it is to keep at bay any hormonal changes as a maturing male. It will not cause the development of your breasts but it is likely going to allow your body’s own change as a maturing woman to run its course. There won’t be any permanent changes from allowing this over the next thirty days. But it will give us a more complete picture of who you are.”

I finally spoke up, “But I’ve been raised to think I was either crazy, a freak or both. What happens when my parents come back and force me to change again?”

Dr. Simmons calmly assured me, “I dare not predict the courts, but you have now been given over to the state and the Grants to act as your guardians. My findings and recommendation will be that your parents have shown a willful disregard for your wellbeing and should not receive you back into their custody.”

“Dr. Simmons there is a lot to being a girl; if I were a real girl wouldn’t I already know all of those things?”

“Janelle, you are a precious person however your life goes. Having seen yourself as Ronnie should help you in life as experiencing life as Janelle. Much of what you have become was learned. And because you have seen yourself as Ronnie and as a boy you have been brought up with that thinking.”

"As Janelle, you have shown a propensity to grow and learn about who you are and you relate extremely well to others as a woman. I would like for the foreseeable future, the next thirty to maybe ninety days for you to experience life and to grow as Janelle. Would you agree to do that?”

I say, “I will agree to try, but I think you three will get a lot of questions from me that you will think are bad. I am happy if this means I am free to like having a manicure or wearing my prom dress?”
 
End Part V
 

 

 
To Be Continued...
 
 

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Part 6
 
Joyce started to ask, “Dr. Simmons…

Dr. Simmons interrupted, “Why don’t all of you just call me Holly.”

“Holly,” Joyce began again, “Janelle is already like a sister to me and I’m usually delighted to help her. Do you have a psychologist in mind, capable and personable enough to help Janelle however her life turns?

“Let me think out loud, we have Dr. Michele Stephens, she’s been a psychologist here five years and this is well in her area of strengths; Dr. Sidney Wells is a psychiatrist who does a fair amount of counseling, I trust and like him but this may not be his area; Dr. Peter Andrews is a psychologist who has seen most everything and is very personable as you say…”

Joyce interrupts this time, “Is Dr. Michele available to see Janelle sometime today?”

“Usually it takes at least six weeks to get an appointment to see someone?”

“Well, usually doesn’t quite work in this case, nor is usually the one we want. I am sorry about being rude, but most of you keep times open for special cases and emergencies?”

“I apologize for Joyce, but I agree with her,” Mom was now in the discussion. “Would you please call her and try to get a time we can see her, today. If we need to come back before you see Janelle next week; Janelle and I will make it work.”

Holly got on her cell phone and first called Dr. Stephens office. “Okay, she’s to lunch.” Holly was calling another number, “Hello Michele this is Holly Simmons, yes. …I have a Janelle Grant here I would like to see if we can get you to see her. She’s also called Ronnie. I suspect you heard of things up in Central City. …Enough said. …No, we haven’t eaten, ...Yes, we can be right down.”

“Everyone, get your things, we are off to have lunch with Dr. Michele Stephens. If you like her I think we have our counselor.” Mom and Joyce knew the hospital and spoke as we passed the regular cafeteria. Joyce whispered, “Another prayer answered.” I wasn’t sure if she was talking about the cafeteria or Dr. Stephens.

Doctors and Staff Dining was where we entered, and Dr. Michele met us just inside the door. She got up close to me and whispered to me, “Janelle is this just your cover or who you are inside?” I smiled as I looked into her eyes, “I guess this is who I might be. I may have always been here but Ron didn’t realize it.”

“Can I give you a hug; I think I’ve just met a very neat person. Come and get some lunch so we can talk.” She was on her phone, “Macey would you call Dr. Andrews and see if we can talk around 5:30.”

We were all getting salads but Holly encouraged us to choose shrimp, spicy chicken or the seasoned beef on top. We each took something different, but instead of shrimp Mom got the crab meat.

The discussion was very profitable, as I went back to Michele’s office for an initial visit… “So what are you doing after here Janelle?”

“We were to have manicures and pedicures but we had to cancel as it was to be earlier.”

“Were you looking forward to it?” Michele smiled when I answered, “Then that won’t do.”

When I went out to Mom and Joyce we had three appointments at Glamour Styles Salon. Mom called dad, “Fred, we’re running behind schedule and still have a lot to accomplish, so take care of Faith as we will be late getting home.”

I wasn’t expecting a full salon for a manicure and pedicure, but it kind of psyched me out and I went over to a wall of women’s different hairstyles, not realizing I was pointing like a little girl to styles I liked. Mom came over to me and looked over my shoulder. “What are your favorites, Janelle?”

Two of my choices worked with my bangs and Mom said the one with wavy curls might be easy to manage. Stacy a young woman came over to us, “I agree with your mother. You have beautiful hair and a few waves would highlight your pretty face as well.”

Mom asked if she had time to do my hair now. “Yes I had a cancellation call in so I am free for a good hour and a half; if you choose a shampoo, cut and style I could have you out in forty minutes with a lesson or two for on how you to take care of it,” she smiled.

I wasn’t expecting it, but I held my breath and looked for Mom to say yes. I was soon leaning back in Stacy’s chair having my hair shampooed and conditioned. “Janelle, are you using your sister’s shampoo and conditioner?”

With a big smile, I answered, “Yes.”

“While your coloring is similar, her hair has the body and moisture that helps to hold a good wave. “You’re a pretty young teen and you need to learn what works for you. Your hair is drier than hers, so it wants the moisture and nutrients to build the body back into it.”

She gave me three different shampoo and conditioner combos as suggestions to try. While the shampoo and conditioning felt really good, I couldn’t see a difference even as she was cutting my hair. She wet my hair slightly again to put a styling gel in it. With her styling comb, brush and a hair blower, she set the task of bringing it all together. As it came together she was telling me what she was doing and I was following her pretty well.
 
 
It wasn’t even thirty-five minutes and I was enthralled as it came together. Her last touches were my bangs and a double check on the sides of my head. Then she gave me care instructions when she knew I was happy.

I was quickly swept away by a manicurist. I thought this would be a simple choice of color, have my nails cut and then the polish. Wrong, wrong, wrong. Do you want French tips, American style or… and she named more; quarter inch, half an inch, or glued on nails; regular, gloss, super gloss, a wet or flat look.

I wanted a medium plum, wet glossy look but I took the long way to get there. The manicurist had to fix two nails that were cracked or ragged, one that appeared to be chewed on, despite my claim of innocence. Mom not only gladly paid the bill but gave both women a nice tip. On our way to shop and for several stores, Joyce teased me about my sensitive feet and toes. I had given the manicurist a hard time as my feet were very sensitive to being touched and kicked a few times. Though, by the end, I enjoyed the experience as well as the look of my feet and toes.
 

 
For the next hour of shopping, I kept my pantyhose off to make sure the nail polish hardened properly and wasn’t disfigured by my pantyhose. At one women’s store, I got a pretty college salesgirl. “I would like to get nice pair designer jeans that would ride on my hips, but I am afraid I don’t have the shape for it.”

Heather smiled, “Anyone can wear them, what you are concerned about is not each pair or style is right for everyone hips. That is the nice thing about coming in and trying on as many as you like to find the right pair for you. She knelt down and looked at me from various angles. Your hips look nice and firm which will drive some boy wild, plus I think they are beginning to fill out.

I was scared as she measured my inseam, sure she would discover I was a boy. It wasn’t a problem. I wanted to look at light blue jeans as well as a nice tan pair if she had them. She selected three pairs of each in different styles for me to try. It was fun sliding the jeans up and around my hips. There was one style for which she gave me a belt. She and I agreed it gives a pretty nice tough girl look. Joyce liked the look and Mom said she could live with it.

Heather showed me some bodysuits; I bought a pink and lacey white one with short sleeves and no legs. I couldn’t believe how generous Mom was being as I purchase three skirts and two blouses and a camisole as well as the jeans. That didn’t include the panties, bras, and pantyhose of various shades and colors. “You better watch out or you will definitely cause me to become a girl.”

Joyce hugged me and whispered in my ear, “I think it’s too late, I think you already are a girl.”

I looked to Mom who was shaking her head in agreement. I asked, “Mom and Joyce can we keep that between us for now. If I’m a girl I would like some time to adjust. I’m afraid the social services would treat me like a freak or some social experiment. If I am or am becoming a girl I would like it to be a good thing for me.”

“So you’re not in denial, just being cautious,” Joyce asked.

“I was in denial until I came today and had my boy briefs kicked in the gutter. I am very glad you got me thinking about it though. Seemingly I chose the correct store to shoplift and to get caught in.”

“Mom, if we are going out to dinner it would be nice if Dr. Grant could go to dinner with us.”

“I think it is a nice idea, but why would you want Grandma Grant to come? You know you might have to eat some humble pie?”

“Somehow I think whatever she wrote to Dr. Simmons carried a lot of weight and helped me to be seen as a normal girl needing help. I probably should be eating crow, but I’m already seeing shades of pink and more pastels than boys are used too.”

“If Grandma can come I want you to wear the nice dress that we got and a pair of 2  ½” heels,” Mom said.
“…But I don’t have a pair of heels."
"…You will by the time we go to dinner.”

Joyce interrupted us, “Mom let’s get the shoes at a department store and then we can go by the cosmetic counters and get her a makeover. She needs more of her own makeup anyway.” Mom and Joyce are not Mother and Daughter; they are really the police teaming up on me.

The sad thing and I can’t say it to them; someday my world will come crashing in and I will be alone. Good, my phone is ringing to bring me back to reality. It’s Paul, “Hello Paul, what do you want?”

“Mom, Paul wants to know if he can take me out Friday night, and Saturday night with Joyce and Rick.”

Joyce is surprised and speaks up, “Rick hasn’t even asked me yet, and we can’t go out on Friday as I have an away game.”

I looked to Mom, “Friday night it would just be Paul and me and Saturday night would be with my sister if she is asked. Paul said there is a dance at the school Friday night. I need to practice dancing if I’m going to the Prom.”

“You should be proud of her Joyce; she is very good at asking for things.”

Joy smiled, “Sharing the room with me, is I’m rubbing off on her.” It was true enough; it wasn’t Ronnie trying to manipulate things, but Joyce’s schmooze talk. Mom was off the phone, “Grandma said she would meet us at Gallegos in Stonecroft. Now we’re going to get some heels.”

I was hoping I would get the saleswoman but Joyce made a point of asking a young salesman, Tim. I had chosen two shoes to try. Tim took off my right shoe and I was not ready for him to be holding my foot. My leg jumped and luckily Tim wasn’t kicked. Luckily he did get an eyeful of mm under my skirt. Unfortunately, instead of being embarrassed or upset, I held out my foot wanting him to touch it again. He had me stand and measured my feet and went to get the needed shoes.

I quickly ran to the ladies room realizing I did not have on my pantyhose. He was patient and I was back quickly. Being ready, made the experience of him slipping on the shoes actually enjoyable. I selected a mauve pink shoe with open toes and a three-inch heel. This style did not come with a 2  ½” heel. Tim warned me that it would be good if I didn’t wear it much over two hours initially.
 

 
We were making our way out of Macy’s back to the rest of the mall when Joyce paused in the cosmetic department and shared with a salesperson, I was a tomboy convert who needed a makeover. The salesperson called over a cosmetician who was happy to help me. “Please relax and don’t be surprised that others might stop to watch.” I didn’t expect that to happen but did say it would be okay.

She used a couple of cloths to cleanse my face and had quickly used a concealer and then a foundation, neither very visible. “Are you going to stop anywhere before you go home,” she asked?

I shared, “We’re to stop and eat at Gallegos on our way home.”

“Then we want to make you up for the evening which is a bit more colorful and bold than the day or going to school.” She continued to work, as Mom’s smartphone rang and she walked away talking to someone. I was thankful Joyce was here for me.

With a pretty spring dress, the cosmetician showed me how to blend the makeup and make it work with so much skin showing. The makeup was not heavy but gave a good color to my eyes, cheeks, and lips. She used a plum color on my lips that were two shades darker, a nice change from the one I wore while shopping.

She shaped my eyebrows and brought out my eyelashes to help my eyes stand out. As she was finishing, Mom came back she was smiling but I wasn’t sure she was happy. Joyce asked and, “Things are fine, we’ll visit more at home.”

The atmosphere was kind of quiet yet happy for me. By the time we made it to the car, we were looking forward to seeing Grandma and having a nice dinner out to cap the day. We arrived at Gallegos at 6:45 in time for meeting Grandma Grant.

We had a corner table that allowed us some privacy to talk freely. Mom led updating Grandma with the hospital visit and Joy and I shared about shopping. “So young lady, you look like you are more comfortable being yourself. I thought you might think it a step down to be a girl?”

“Grandma, I deserve that, but I know you are just teasing me. I don’t know what you said or wrote to Dr. Simmons but I thank you, it was very helpful in her seeing me as a girl. Do you agree it is a good move to block the testosterone? She thinks I need the experience of seeing and thinking of myself as a girl.”

“Somewhere I just felt my denial slip away and feeling more comfortable about really being Janelle.” The waitress heard some about me being a girl.

“I’m sorry for overhearing, but I can’t see how someone would question you being anything, but all girl! You look very good tonight.” I calmly thanked her.

Joyce spoke up, “She’s just been through a lot and most people don’t understand how much there is to be a woman.”

“That is very true, but you have an excellent person to emulate in Dr. Grant.” Three of us readily agreed.

Grandma, “I insist all of you order a good meal. I haven’t had a good meal in the past two days, and I don’t want to be alone in doing so or rushed because you’re eating like a bird.” So I found myself ordering a cup of soup, a small dinner salad and beef stir-fry on a bed of wild rice.

“Grandma what do you think about her going to dance alone on Friday night,” Joyce asked?

“Well it seems you might be a little upset with that, unfortunately, the eldest breaks the ice and younger sisters get the benefit. You are smart enough to realize it will be a good experience for her before the prom.”

I smiled as I enjoyed hearing Grandma’s support. “I think she needs to learn about turning a boy on and handling what that can mean.”

“Grandma,” looking around to be sure no one extra was listening, “I have no intention of turning another boy on.”

“Whether you intend it or not that could be debated, but I have no trouble thinking the boy will be however it happens. Nor do I have any trouble thinking you are getting more excited about being a young woman.”

The soups arrived and I pause to watch the others, so I did not rush through eating. When I reached for salt right away Mom, “Janelle, you should taste your soup first and then if needed to season it to taste.” I tried the soup, learning my tastes had matured.

As we were finishing the main course, Joyce asked, “Grandma do you want to get dessert?”

“Yes, I love their pies and I never make them just for me.”

Joyce turned to me, “How about you and I splitting a piece of pecan pie?”
 
 
After dessert was ordered, I mentioned needing to use the lady’s room and Grandma came with Joyce and me. I think she was amused as I had no hesitation of going into the women’s room. Upon leaving the women’s room Grandma complimented, “You both do quite well in checking and fixing your makeup and hair.” We both acknowledged the compliment with thanks.

Just as we sat back down the desserts came. Instead of us saying good-bye to Grandma there, Joyce rode with Grandma to her house and we followed along. “Mom, can you tell me if that phone call was about me,” I asked?

“It concerns us as a family dear, so we’ll talk when we are home. Don’t be afraid you are not in trouble?” ‘When someone tells me not to be scared I usually find out there is a good reason to be scared.’
 
 
It only took fifteen minutes to get to Grandma’s and after saying goodnight and thanking her as she shared the cost of the meals. It was still only nine twenty-five when we got home. Mom asked us all to the living room as the doorbell rang and Mom went to answer it.

It was Officer Teresa Roberts and I guess correctly it was all about the phone call. “Well, the phone call was from Mrs. Hammer, Ronnie’s mother. She wouldn’t tell me where she is but said she would be picking up Ronnie tomorrow after he is home from school.”

“Officer Teresa and I think it is likely she will try to pick you up at school or as you get out of school. We also think it would be a big mistake for you to go with her.”

Officer Teresa spoke, “We will have police in the school area and hope to speak to her before that happens. But we believe they are now driving a stolen car and were able to cash a check for five hundred dollars more than was in their account. So, there are these and prior felonies for which they can be arrested.”

“Janelle, we need you to have your phone set to speed dial so you can let us know when she makes contact with you.” She must have seen the expression on my face as she asked, “Janelle can we trust you to do that?”

I didn’t plan to go with my mother or dad but neither did I want to be responsible for their arrest. “Janelle, it would be better for them if we got them than those they owe the big money to. We want your help and if you go with them you too could be charged as being part of their crimes.”

“Janelle, are you planning to go with them,” Hannah asked?

“No, and if they try to force me I will tell them I have already called the police. I will call you if they do force me to go.” I asked, “Mom did my mother say if I should go to school as Ron?”

“She said you should, but they will change your appearance; so you won’t be so girly. She said your dad is still upset about how you look.”

Teresa hugged me, it felt genuine but I was skeptical. “Janelle, I know it is a hard position to be in, and our first concern is your safety. If you want you could just stay home and we can protect you here?” I wanted to go to school because Lacy would be asking about my appointment and shopping.
 
Before Officer Teresa left she placed a charm bracelet on my left wrist, from which they could track me if I was taken. The only way it would come off was with a special device or by being cut. I agreed to wear it as she put it on me.

“Officer Roberts, are my Grant family going to have protection?”

“We think they will be safe.”

“My Dad shot a Mr. De Rosa once when I was smaller.”

“Do you remember how old you were when you think your father shot him?”

“I think I was in third grade; it could have been in fourth though. It was around that time I stopped going to the doctors.” Mom and Dad Grant talked with Teresa and then she left. Faith didn’t know what to think, she just went to bed. Joy and I were apprehensive with a mix of excitement and fear.
 
 
I was taking a shower to get ready for bed when I began to cry for no reason. Joyce must have heard me and called Mom. When I got out of the shower and started to dry myself, Mom called in, “Janelle, what are you crying about?”

“Mrs. Grant, I don’t know; I just started to cry for no reason… And… and I… and I know it but, I keep crying like I am really sad.” I wrapped the towel around me and went out to see her. “I’m sorry Ms. Grant, I know I should be more mature, but I feel like a scared little girl.” I was now hiding my face in her arms. She led me over to my bed and we sat down together.

“How come you started calling Mom, Mrs. Grant,” Joyce commented to me?

“I didn’t, but I probably should, I don’t deserve her. I don’t want to lose you, but you will probably be glad when I’m out of here.” I turned and buried my head into my pillow and cried some more.

Joyce leaned down next to my pillow and Mom leaned over and her head was touching my shoulder. “Janelle, Mom and I are here for you. Speak to us, tell us what scares you. My Mom is here for you, she loves you.”

“That’s because she’s nice but I’m a… a freak and my mother and dad aren’t good. I… I… O Joyce, I’m afraid.” Joyce pulls me into her arms and I’m on the floor with her and Mom slides down next to me. I can tell Joyce is beginning to cry with me.

I look up and kinda smile laughing at her, but go back to crying. Mom is stroking my hair, and then her hand is on my back, and then back stroking my hair. I didn’t know how much time passed or much of what they said. I knew they were there; it felt good but I was afraid it would change.

I could taste the salty tears reaching my lips, my nose had the sniffles and I was still struggling to say more than three words. But I was now calm again thanks to them.

Dad came into the room, “You know Janelle if you want I could dress up like an old fuddy-duddy teacher and if your parents came I could haul off and hit them with one of Mom’s purses.”

I tried to get up but started to trip and Dad caught me up in his arms as I tried to hit him for teasing. I hadn’t realized how strong he was; I felt like a little girl being protected by him and it felt really nice. “Aw thanks, Daddy, I know you are trying to be nice.”

Mom and Joyce were now standing up as Dad set me on my feet. There was a group hug and somehow I was in the middle. Dad spoke, “Hannah why don’t you say a little prayer for tonight and tomorrow. I think this girl needs to know she’s not alone.” Mom and Dad aren’t church people. Mom’s prayer was down to earth and as Dad said, I knew I wasn’t alone.

It was then I noticed my towel was not tightly around me as Dad excused himself. Mom gave me my short robe and then started to brush out my hair. “You are going to need to wash off those salty tears from your face and then finish getting ready for bed. Come to the kitchen when you are done and I will help to get your hair ready for bed.”

“In light of more important things, it might not mean much but through all of this you still look quite cute,” Mom said. I hugged Mom because it was nice to hear. I had thought I must look a fright.

“You know Jan with your gaff if Dad saw anything it was his second daughter.” I dressed in my cotton teddy pajamas and picked up Prissy as I went to Mom in the kitchen. Mom had a cup of chamomile tea that I sipped as she put my hair in big curls and pinned them. I know having one’s hair in pins and curlers is not pretty, but as different as it was it helped me to feel like the girl I wanted to be.
 

 
 
It was midnight as I got back to the room and Joyce was in her bed with the top sheet and blanket opened for me. “Turn out the light and get in here with your older sister. I shut the light off, scooted to her bed and gave her a kiss on the cheek. I laid down with my back to her hoping her arms would snuggle around me. She cuddled me and I was soon asleep.

I awoke first and now I was facing Joyce and our legs were intertwined but I was sure nothing happened. I gave Joyce a light kiss on the cheek and started to get up. Joyce took hold of me and pulled me back. “Sis, remember you are very important to us and our love is not going away. Now pull me up we’ll get started the day together.” She called me 'lil sis', I felt proud.

I picked out a white skirt so I asked, “Joy is my yellow panties okay with this?” She smiled, “Yes it is just red or bright panties or something like red hearts that you wouldn’t want to be wearing. What are you going to wear with it?” When I told her, she told me, “I have a nice flower print blouse you could wear if you want.”

“Won’t I be too big?” “…No, it is big on me, and it will hug you and show off your shape.” She showed me the blouse and it was really cute and would go well with the skirt.

I went back to the closet as I thought my red flats would go well with the outfit. “You know Jan, your yellow shoes would look good with your outfit and the 2” heel will give your legs better shape.” She was right again and I changed them. Funny, how a girl doesn’t worry about changing if she looks better. Actually, I am spending more time checking how I look and be it my hair, makeup or clothes enjoy changing just to see how I look.

Lace and her Mom were picking me up today, so getting ready quickly wasn’t a big hurry, but it gave me time to sit and visit with Mom. I looked down as I sat and the skirt was halfway up my legs, which I didn’t mind but I needed to remember to keep my legs together.

“You are doing very well Janelle, bring a girl is becoming more natural to you,” Mom. She showed me how to lengthen the strap on my purse so I could put it over my shoulder. “We have some berries that you could eat with cereal or yogurt if you want, but you need to wait as I haven’t prepared them yet.”

“Thanks, Mom,” I got up and found the strawberries and some blueberries. The blueberries just needed to be rinsed and the strawberries rinsed, cut off the green top and sliced or cut as they were pretty big. Preparing food, making sandwiches and stuff were things I learned before, but now as Janelle, I kind of enjoyed doing it more. Mom pulled me back, not to stop me but to put an apron on and remind me to wash my hands before and after.
 
 
I was better as Janelle but when I was finished the apron still caught a few things that would have been bad news for my skirt and blouse.

Faith came into the kitchen and she was wearing a very nice outfit. But it looked like she threw it on and didn’t worry about putting herself together. “Faith, you have a pretty outfit on but I’m afraid it doesn’t look so pretty. What is your problem today?”

“I’m having my second period today and I look how I feel.” At first, I thought she meant her second class period but figured it out with a hint she gave me.

“Do you mind if I help you a bit?” She looked for her Mom but she wasn’t there. She handed me her brush. I put it down and began with her clothes. I buttoned the top of her blouse but her blouse was partly in and out of her skirt. “I think your blouse would look cute out, what do you think?” She looked down as she was disgusted with herself. I let her pull it out but I smoothed it how as well as her skirt. I brushed and shape her hair back into place.

“Faith where is your makeup,” I asked, surprised she wasn’t wearing any?

“Mom told me I’m too young for makeup at school; she said I don’t need it.”

“She is right you don’t need it but I think with your period you are grown up enough and today is a good day to use a little.” Joyce had come into the room and her skin was more like Faith’s. “Joy could you help Faith with a little makeup?”

“Hey ‘Sprout’; I guess I shouldn’t say ‘sprout’. It’s nice to have you in the ranks of being a woman.”

“If you can undo how I feel, I don’t need to be a woman.” But as the makeup went on and she looked into a mirror her spirit rose. “Thank you two, I just hope Mom won’t be upset.”

Mom was entering the room, “Upset about what?” Faith turned to her and she noticed the change and realized what was happening to Faith. “Well Honey, I am not at all upset. That is a good use of makeup. If you want after school you and I can do some shopping therapy.” Faith’s smile was now full and bright.

“Mom, Janelle was the one who helped me and then Joy.” Hannah looked over and smiled saying thanks.

Dad was impressed as he sat down for breakfast with his harem, as Mom called us, we're having a good time around the breakfast table. It was a while later Lace knocked at the door and her mom was with her. Mom had called and told them both to stop in.

Mom explained what was going on and I’m not sure Lace’s mother knew or understood I was Ronnie. “The news only mentions Ronnie, they don’t mention the daughter.” Mom explained about my parents and suggested that Violet Strong come back to the house after she drops off Lace and me.
 
 
Lace shared with me as we walked into school, “I told my Mom once who you are, but I knew she either didn’t listen or didn’t understand.” When we got to my locker Paul was there and without any warning, he gave me a big kiss. I was a bit embarrassed but liked the kiss felt nice.

I heard Lace say, “NPDA Paul, especially if I can’t.” Paul looked at her with a blank expression. “No Public Displays of Affection are allowed at school. I don’t care how long you’ve waited to have a squeeze.”

“Lace can I walk you home from school, I mean Janelle can I walk you home from school?”

I decided to give Paul grief to miss speaking. “So make up your mind are you asking me or Lace?” “...If you’re sure the answer is No, but you can walk me to Mom’s store if I’m still here.”

“What you mean still here, we have a date on Friday and the Prom next week?”

“Cool it, I’m going with you. It is just someone might try to pick me up after school.”

I didn’t explain to Paul, but I wasn’t upset that he might be looking for me after school. But it was just before lunch my Aunt Marge stopped me and told me to go with her. I played dumb, “I’m supposed to wait for my Mom?”

“She’s over there but please don’t draw attention to her.” I turned and Mom was about twelve feet away. I ran to her and gave her a hug.

“Mom, I can’t go with you like this dad will kill me,” I said.

“He’ll slap you silly sometime; you deserve it for being so girly. But your dad understands for now it might help us.”

“I don’t want to go!” Aunt Marge and Mom both took a hold of me and were pulling me. I couldn’t reach my phone…
 
End Part VI
 

 

 
To Be Continued...
 
 

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Image Credits: Title Picture purchased and licensed for publishing from

123rf.com (Photo 16615320). The model in this image is in no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model's use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character of this particular story. ~Sephrena
Divider licensed free for use in publishing from Photoshopgraphics.com ~Sephrena.

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Part 7
 
 
Terror strikes me along with a mean hit to the head… “Your mother’s not here to protect you.” My blouse is torn open “Look, you’re more like a girl… so much better for what.” …“I need to do better than that to go to the prom, don’t you think so Mom?” Mom smiles with delight as she thinks about what I’m saying... My mother places a cloth over my face… “No!” I yell, but I guess nothing came out as I’m fading fast to sleep... I can hear my mother and Aunt Marge, but I can’t see anything nor can people hear me. Several people yell but by that time I am out: terror strikes me along with a mean hit to the head, moments later there’s a thud. Things were moving is it me or something else?
 

 
Joyce hears from another student, “Janelle has been grabbed.” Joy heads out from further down in the school building and her friend runs out from the other side. Each is running outside along the building to where I should be. Joy catches sight of me being hit and thrown into the back of a PC Cruiser. Two vehicles are moving as she nears them. Someone opens a window to yell back at her as they pass by.

Is it frustration or quick thinking, Joy throws her phone at them and into the car? By now the police are blocking the end of the street. There should be a stalemate, except. Except the Cruiser goes up on school grounds and uses students as a shield to get away. A comedy of errors and our vehicle is getting away.

I’m waking up when my father takes hold of me and slaps me again. “Your mother is not here to protect you.” My blouse is torn open “Look at that, you’re more like a girl than I thought… so much better for what I’m going to do.”

We’re interrupted, as I’m being kicked again, then again and again. There are sirens, “Sedate her and let’s get going…” I’m still awake when they drop me in the yard. The sirens are closer as I'm dropped to the ground.
 

 
It has been a half hour before they track Joyce’s phone using GPS. They locate us somewhere on the south side of Stonecroft.

There are voices and I start to wake again, while my sight is starting to come back, it is still bleary, and I can’t tell where I am. 'Does Officer Teresa or Hannah know where I am? The voices are they, my mother and Marge, the male voice is it dad or strangers. I’m sure they can’t be Hannah’s or Mr. Grant’s.'

I try to fight free but my arms and hands are held down; I try to yell, but I feel a needle and again I am fading away. I’m dreaming, no it’s a nightmare. I’m starting to wake again, I want to cry and yell as I feel pain. But I don’t want to be sedated; I want to know where I am and what is happening. How long have I been out and where am I? I hope they find me. ‘Where’s my phone, I can’t reach it. My charm bracelet, I can’t feel it on my wrist, how will they find me?’

“Shush, Janelle you are alright. We sent for your Mom, she will be here real soon.”

“I don’t want my mother!! I want Hannah, I want…” I shouldn’t have said that I’m going to be smacked again.

“Janelle, you are alright. Janelle, your sister, parents and everyone are in the waiting room.” “She’s coming out of it Fred, now she’ll know she’s safe.” Is it, could it be Mom Hannah, Dad, and Grandma? I take hold of a hand and it is warm tender, cupping my hand. There’s another voice calling me, “Janelle wake up and open your eyes. Can you tell be your name?”

“Janelle.”

“Tell me where you are?”

“…Janelle, Janelle, Hannah’s here.”

“Mom, O Mommy, I love you!” I begin to see her face and I start to cry again, but these are girl tears and I am happy. “Am I okay Mommy?” She’s smiling and crying too, but I think she’s happy. Grandma is holding her and telling me something, but I’m not sure what. I only know she too is very happy.

“Janelle, you are safe …we love you too. Your mother and father won’t be hurting you again. The police have them and your aunt. Your brother Tim is safe.” It is Officer Teresa.

I’m still worried, “Can I still be Janelle?”

Silence, Hannah doesn’t answer what she can’t promise. So the fate of Janelle and being alright is not answered. Being with Mom needs to be enough for now.

The nurse speaks, “Young lady if I untie your hands, will you promise me not to pull out your IV?” She is smiling and it is easy to agree. My other hand is being held and I look over to see Mom Hannah. “O Mom,” I rise to hug her. “Well young lady that is a very good sign,” says Nurse Joann.

“Does anyone know what happened,” I ask?

“Students say when you went to your mother; she and Aunt Marge grabbed you. Your mother put something over your face. Then you started to slump as they carried you out. Your father hit you in the head really hard and…”

“Mom, I couldn’t reach my phone… I didn’t want to go with them. …I wanted the police, but I couldn’t…” I say. “I’m sorry Mom.”

“Honey it’s alright when Joyce came running, they started to drive off, she threw her phone at them, into their vehicle. That is how we traced where you were.”

“Mom, I think my father wanted to rape me… Did he?” I began to cry, “I’m dirty.”

“I don’t think so. It looks like the police arrived in time to stop that.”

Joyce came into the room. “O Janelle, you are so special. I didn’t know how precious you were until they got you away from us.” I hurt as we hug, but I don’t let go.

“Sis, you saved me.” We are looking face to face in each other’s crying eyes. She is so beautiful; I see her love for me. She sets me back down but she is laying half down next to me. Someone wants, tries to take her away from me. “Don’t” I yell, “She’s healing me!”

I hear a nurse say to whoever held Joyce, “Let her be, they’ll be okay for now.” Joyce settles down next to me and my right arm cuddles her. I hear Mom tell Dad, “Look she’s caring for her big sister.” It’s a smart nurse who left us alone for the next while.
 

 
Grandma later informs me my nose is possibly broken and my jaw might be cracked. She laughs when I ask, “Can they make them more girl like when they fix them?”

“Honey, that won’t be up to us,” Grandma tells me.

“If I look more girl-like, a judge might realize who I really am.” I pester grandma until she agrees to say something. The nurse is back to give me a shot as the pain medication starts to wear off.

"She is likely to become sleepy with this shot, so you people might want to leave her alone to rest."
 

 
“Mommy could you stay, I don’t want to be alone. I know I’m a big girl, but I’m…”

Nurse Joann speaks, “Janelle, you are a very brave girl, even then there’s peace having a Mom with you.”

Joyce also wants to stay too, but she understands I need mother/daughter time. She shares, “Mom, I will leave, you are more precious my fanciest dress.” A kiss on the cheek, a whisper in my ear and she disappears.

Grandma hands her daughter a sack; Hannah looks in and gives her a wide grin. There is a nightgown, robe for tonight; clean panties and a bra for the morning. Thinking of me, she thought of her adult daughter, forget the ‘in-law’. It definitely is not a thing a boy or man would do. I feel better in being me, there is peace amidst the pain.

Mom’s chair is not made for rest so, after my next medication, I extend room on the bed. She is next to me as we visit. “You know, I have been here before for Faith and Joyce.”

“Would you share about those times, the hurts and hopes of being a Mommy?”

Mom says, “There was a time when a fever and illness threatened Faith's sight. It wasn’t one long day nor three but five long nights. Another time, Joyce had been hurt once by bullies and another time by a guy from college who did not understand “No!” The physical injuries justified to insurance the attention needed for her hospital stay.” More, much more was said.

We both reflected on kids like me injured by parents with no insurance to cover the bill or safe person to be with them. I know it is because of Mom and Grandma that I receive the attention not afforded to many others. The mere thought sends me to tears; a mixture of fear and joy.
 

 
Come morning when I pee there is a pain that causes me first to strain and then I back off from peeing. First, a nurse checks me and then an injury specialist. Dr. Shaffer often deals with sports injuries but also cared for injuries from physical abuse. “Janelle, can you tell me how these injuries came about?”

“I don’t remember sir, I know my father kicked me but I don’t know where for sure. When my dad kicks or hits it is always more than once. He enjoys being nasty to me.”

“Well that has happened but it looks like a pointed shoe. Do you know if your dad wears cowboy boots?”

“He’s more of a steel toe metal worker, sir. My Mom wears pointed shoes and she would do something after Dad did, but she usually only does it once.”

Dr. Shaffer, “This person with the pointed shoe kicked you more than once, I’m sure. Maybe even more often than the person with a bigger foot.”

Chills are going down my spine, “Was I at Aunt Halley’s, was she with them?”

Officer Teresa is in the room, “You said it was Aunt Marge with your mother?”

“Yes, she helped take me from the school. Aunt Halley is Dad’s sister; she is as mean as he is. She spanks me more than Dad just to prove she’s mean as any man.”

“I doubt they would both be in on it, but where does your aunt live,” Officer Teresa asks?

She lives in Stonecroft near the edge of town.”

“What is Aunt Halley’s last name?”

“It is Aunt Halley and Uncle Sam Crothers.”

Officer Teresa interrupts, “Your father pulled you out from between two houses. We thought they were using the empty house, but a Samuel Crothers lives in the other house. Thank you, I need to leave and check some things.”

Dr. Shaffer speaks up, “Please collect some of her pointed shoes if you go there?” “…Would your Dad and others hurt you just because you’re a TG girl?”

“‘Just a TG girl’, there is no such a thing as ‘just a TG girl’ in my house? Dad already thinks I’m a pervert and he curses me with his own terms. You can’t say anything if I have to go back there!”

“There is no way they will force you to go back to them,” Dr. Shaffer says.

“That’s f**k’g easy for a doctor, a lawyer even police chief to say; I had social workers and police tell me that when I was small. The social worker even cried when she took me back. If I remembered earlier I wouldn’t have said anything.” “…Mom!”…I begin to cry again.

Dr. Shaffer, “A nurse, get me a needle with a pain blocker, and a syringe to draw off some fluid?”

Mom begins to talk to me; sure I don’t want to think about what he is doing. When he finishes he tells me, “Janelle, you are quite a strong young woman. I appreciate your boldness in talking to me. I am going to work hard not to let you and other children down again.”

Later he shares with Mom, “I will testify if it is helpful. It used to be; I would only give a written statement, didn’t go to court.”

Mom asks, “When did you stop doing that?”

“…Today! But I’m one of the reasons too many come back to ER. And I thought they were ungrateful when they spit at me. …Instead, they knew I wouldn’t really protect them.” Mom told me he cried in front of her. She tells me she cried too, afraid I will be sent back if the decision goes against us. She even knows my grandparents might hold it against me if my parents go to jail and I am sent to live with them.
 

 
I’m happy to see Lacy with Joyce and my Mom. We’re talking for a while when Lacy asks, “Are you going to try to go to the Prom Saturday night?”

Mom had already left the room. The Prom, I’ve not even thought about that. “Yes, I need too, unless Paul has found another girl.” I look at Joyce to see if she knows anything.

“If you were a girl…” she knows better than to finish her statement.

“Yes if I were a real girl, people wouldn’t be surprised. Well, Joyce, I’m as real as I can be!” I hurt her feelings and I immediately feel bad just like she does for me. “Joyce, please help me? I want to go; I may not have next year. Mom will listen to you; you know how to talk with her.”

“I will help only if I need too. If you are the girl and sister I know, she will understand. You call her Mom because she is your Mom.” Mom is out talking to the doctors and Officer Teresa and they come back in together.

“We want you up and walking a little bit today, do you think you can do that,” Dr. Shaffer asks?

“I need to do better than that to go to the prom, don’t you think so Mom?” Mom smiles with delight, as she thinks about what I’m saying; and then I see her doubting. “Mommy, you have to remember how important this is. I need to go to school on Friday if I want to go to the prom. Please, we need to tell Paul I will work hard to be there.”

Mom looks at Joyce and Lacy and she knows how badly I want to go to the Prom. “Janelle, I guess dancing will have to be part of your therapy as well as walking. But I won’t make it a promise and you will have to do so in flats.”

“I can take my heels off after the pictures, I need them as I enter the prom and for the pictures. I’ll plan to take them off after that but I can’t make any promises.” Lacy and Joy giggle before the adults begin to laugh.

While the nurse is here I get up to walk down the hall with Lacy and Joyce. I didn’t notice Joy picking up her purse. Joy and Lacy pull me toward the elevator, “Hey, we’re just taking you down the elevator for a Sundae.”

“I didn’t think patients can leave the floor?”

“If you don’t ask they won’t say anything, so get on and be quiet,” Joyce is the ring leader.

It is not the easiest moment for a girl who just coming through a kidnap ordeal to be pushed into the elevator and the doors close. I know it is not in their minds but it is for me. My legs are shaking by the time we sit at the hospital cafe. The counter lady asks, “Do you have permission to be down here?”

I lied, “Yes, but only to get ice cream with my sisters.”

“Make sure you go right back after you eat your sundae; will you agree to do that?” I shook my head yes and she allowed me to stay. I’m sure she knows I lied.

It is enjoyable to visit with Lacy and Joy as we eat our sundaes. My ice cream actually is melting as we talk. That doesn’t sound like a big thing unless you were a boy who usually eats ice cream fast and regrets he didn’t enjoy it more. Usually, when I eat as a boy, I’m only a listener unless it is about sports or making a joke.

The air conditioner is blowing cold air up my gown, along with eating the ice cream I’m feeling very chilled, especially under my gown. We are just about finished when Charlene, a floor nurse comes in to escort me. “Young lady, I see we will need to put you on a shorter leash when you leave your room.”

“But it isn’t my…(fault).”

“You weren’t to be eating anything before the test, so you might have an uncomfortable exam instead.”

I said, “What are they going to examine?”

“I will share that when we get back to your room.” We are just getting in the elevator. “…Why don’t you tell me now?” “…Trust me; it will be better if I tell you in the room.” I hear two women behind me stifling giggles. …Joyce whispers “Trust her she knows it better.”

Without thinking, I say, “But I have boy parts.” Everyone but me is laughing louder; Lacy and another woman are on the floor of the elevator laughing as it opens on my floor and I am so embarrassed.

I hide my face in Mom’s hug as we get to the room. Joy explains what’s happening. Mom speaks trying to limit her laughter, “O Honey, relax it will be forgotten in five minutes.” Mom exaggerated; in five years hopefully, it will not be remembered. The medical technician is already here to take me to my exam.
 

 
“Mom, please come with me and save me from any more embarrassment.” She comes with me. I’m sitting on an exam table with a sheet over me and my legs spread and in stirrups. Dr. Shaffer came in, “Janelle, I’m sorry but this is going to be uncomfortable.”

I'm joking through my tears, “Then why don’t you just wait?”

“Because you are going to get more uncomfortable unless you begin to urinate, so I need to assess whether it will heal in time, or what we need to do. Do you want to go to the Prom? You won’t if I can’t help you before then.”

He says, "Now I am putting a small scope down your penis; it’s hooked to a camera so we can take some pictures.”

“Woe, I thought you said it is a small scope than how can it have a camera?”

Doc says, “Not a bad question, the truth is the camera won’t be in there it is only attached so we can see and take pictures. The pictures will soon turn up on the TV monitor. There, see these areas, I’ve already pushed through here but much of the tissue is badly bruised and the channel has collapsed. There is a strong chance as you heal infections are likely, then scar tissue presents other problems for the long term.”

“The pictures indicate that the damage to your penis is extensive. Beginning here I think these injuries are minor and temporary in nature and should heal properly in time.”

He says, “I want you to meet with another doctor so she too can assess you and give me her thoughts before I present what we should do to help your recovery.” There is small talk, some of it directed to Hannah. Dr. Shaffer leaves and I am taken back to my room.

Everyone wants to know how the exam went; Lacy and Joyce want to know if my privates were involved and if I am being treated like a girl. Lacy and Joy are frustrated as I won’t answer them. Mom just says, “Another doctor needs to meet with Janelle; then the doctor will make a decision how to treat her.”

“Mom I need some lunch,” Mom says I need to wait.
 

 
A woman comes in wearing a longer hospital coat, “Hello, I am Dr. Gloria Steinbeck and I am here to meet with Janelle. If the rest of you would leave us to visit; it will take probably thirty to forty minutes, possibly more. Since Dr. Shaffer made the request I will be making my report back to him.” The others leave, Mom said, “We’re going to eat and be back after 2:00 p.m.”

“Janelle, please call me Gloria? Before we begin talking about your injuries and kidnapping, would you please tell me about you coming to dress like a girl and living with the Grants?”

I get defensive, “They told me you wouldn’t be taking me away from them or worried about me being a girl.”

“Don’t worry Janelle; I am only here to help you get better. I’m sorry I frighten you. It is just unusual, I hear your real name is Ronnie and you appear comfortable as Janelle.”

“I guess I am comfortable being Janelle and less comfortable with being Ronnie. But it is kind of funny how I became Janelle. My brother and his friends wanted me to steal girl stuff they sell to get money.”

“I have saved all year to go to church camp, but am still over a hundred dollars short of the camp fees. I have shopped with my mother and I know enough about girl stuff and it doesn’t bother me to shop for it. In this case, it is to steal and raise money. You won’t tell the police will you?”

“No, but that is a good question. I won’t share anything unless you tell me you are going to hurt yourself or someone else. Please continue on.”

“Well I go to stay a few days with Aunt Marge, and it gives me a chance to shoplift in some better stores in the better part of the city. Hannah’s store is really nice and I take my list and I’m seeing what I want to take. I even ask the salesgirl to help me find some things. When she goes out of the store, I think it is a good time to steal and run. But Jasmine and Rachel are both waiting and catch me. Mrs. Grant tells me I can wait for my mother to come or she can call the police. Since my mother can’t be there until after work, I’m given the choice of dressing as a girl and cooperating or she would call the police. I agree to cooperate, but anything I thought of to get away Mrs. Grant has already thought of.”

“When Mom finally came she agreed I should stay with the Grants, dressing like a girl into the summer. I make mistakes like helping a little girl or dating a boy and they thought I like being a girl. A boy asks me to go to the prom and I’m sure Mrs. Grant and my parents would say ‘no’. But Mrs. Grant said I could since I did not say no.

“I don’t know when I change from me not liking to be a girl and to thinking of me as a girl. With the Grants, I have nice parents and a big sister who helps me. I enjoy being a nice girl.”

Gloria smiled, “What would you like to do now?”

“I need to get out of here so I can go to school Friday and attend my prom with Paul, Saturday.”

“No, I mean when do you want to go back to being a boy? And who do you want to live with? I know your parents might be in jail, but I thought you might want to be Ronnie and go live with your grandparents or other relatives for now?”

“I agreed to live as Janelle and I think I should do that. If I can, I would like to go to church camp as Ronnie. Not because of the church but that camp has horses and is fun. I enjoy the friends I make there.”

“I am afraid to I live with my grandparents, I will be blamed and beaten for my parents being sent to jail.”

She says, “What if we get the grandparents to promise not to do those things?”

“You nice people are not too smart, are you? Because they say they promise, you believe them. They love me but my mother and father are their daughter and son. They love them more and think I betrayed them. They think if they get me to change my story, it will be me not my parents who will be punished.”

“I wanted you to protect me, but I don’t trust you even if you say you promise. To you, I am just a silly boy in girl clothes.”

“Would it be okay if I have a nurse come in so I can examine you?” She changes the subject.

“If Dr. Grant is at the hospital could she be here instead?”

“Because you see her like family; it would be inappropriate for her to act as your doctor. I’m sorry.”

I say, “She can’t be my doctor, but she can be a witness, can’t she?”

“She is a doctor and I expect she would be too busy but I will ask her if you want me too.”

Grandma asks to talk to me when Gloria calls, “Honey, I want you to know that Dr. Steinbeck did ask me but I’ve responded to an emergency. Please let Dr. Gloria examine you so Dr. Shaffer can complete his evaluation. I know Gloria and she is who I’ve suggested, you can trust her.”

I tell Dr. Gloria, “Grandma says I should trust you since I trust her I now trust you. We should do the exam and get it over.” Gloria smiles at my thinking and willingness to cooperate.

Within three minutes the nurse is in and I am already behind the curtain taking off my clothes. “I wasn’t going to have you do all that but that is very good.” The nurse gives me a hospital gown to wear.

“You are not shy are you?” “…Actually, I am, but I would be more so with Dr. Shaffer and I already went through that. I have become more comfortable around nurses and women doctors. I know that sounds crazy, but Mr. Grant treats me with more modesty. He treats me like his daughter.”

She listens to my heart and lungs without going under my gown but doesn’t check my breasts. “Dr. Gloria, I think you should check my breasts.” She pauses and decides to do as I suggest.

“You already know what I’d find, so are you happy or sad that they belong to you?” I smile as she asks. “Seeing the smile they bring to you does that mean you are happy like most other growing girls? The tissue under and around your budding nipples appear to signify a maturing girl.” Gloria asks me to lay back to check between my legs.

“I am sorry to ask you, but have you made out with any girls or boys yet? …I didn’t think so and there is no evidence to you having been penetrated either by consent or by force. My suggestion regarding your prom is don’t get too intimate with Paul.”

“Don’t hold me to it, but if you wait. Someday you might more fully or completely be a girl.” It is a few minutes later, Dr. Steinbeck tells the nurse to clean me up and tells me after, “You can get dressed young woman after she cleans you up. I have enough for my report to Dr. Shaffer.”

“What are you going to tell him?”

“I can’t tell you but I suspect I’m confirming what he already knows. I will tell you that I find you to be remarkably mature and stable for all you have and are going through. I want to be of help in the future, I will be proud to be here for you.”

“Do you see me more as a young woman or a boy?”

“That is an interesting contrast. Do you think Janelle is much more mature like a woman and Ronnie as a boy?”

“I didn’t think of that but you’re right, as Janelle I have a big sister, a good mom, and family. I guess that helps me be more mature. But sometimes I feel like a little girl wanting Mom to hug and reassure me,” looking down “even though I’m not her daughter or a real girl.”

“Enough, I could visit with you all day, but I need to get the report to Dr. Shaffer. So the nurse will take you back to your room. I hope to see you again.”
 

 
No sooner I am back in my room and I push the button for the nurse at the desk. “Can I get something to eat now, I haven’t eaten yet?” “…Your nurse will be right down.”

It is thirty minutes before Nurse Joann came responding to my request. “Dr. Shaffer says, I am to start an IV, he and Dr. Steinbeck will be in soon to meet with you and your parents.”

“Can you please call my parents; tell them they need to meet with the doctors. When you say soon, do you mean two hours? Sorry, I don’t mean to be rude; Mom will be upset if I am. But I am hungry, plus my pain is getting worse.”

“After I start the IV, I can give you something for pain. The doctors will address your medical problem before worrying about food. Oh, your parents are already coming and should be here any minute.” Joann starts the IV; puts the pain medicine in through the IV line. She attaches a small bag, “This is to fight off any infections.”

Mom and everyone come in the room as Joann leaves. “Janelle, how are you doing; I hear your exam went really well and the doctor will be in with his recommendation. That should be good news.”

“You seem to know more than I do. All I know is I can’t eat and have to wait for the doctors.”

“Grandma told us if they start an IV you will have surgery to fix the injury and other problems.” Mom is holding one hand and Dad comes around to hold my other hand.

“So you think surgery is good news? What does that mean?” There’s a knock on my door and Dr. Shaffer and Dr. Steinbeck come into the room. He says, “So let me tell you what I think we should do and you can decide if it is good news or not.”

“What I recommend in relation to your injury,” he begins to draw on a whiteboard, “is to remove the tissue that is badly damaged and to sew back the healthy tissue like this.”

I say, “So you are going to make me into a girl?”

“We need to be very clear about this. What we are talking about here is addressing your injury. The tissue we are cutting away has no beneficial function other than appearance and to act as a hose in allowing you to urinate.”

“I would need special approval and would not likely get it to do Sex Reassignment Surgery on a minor. If you and someone, in the future, determine you should be a boy there will be options to be considered. Or if you determine you should be a female there would be options for that. It just might be that your body will indicate one or the other is more appropriate.”

“This surgery will speed up your recovery and let you get back to being yourself in a day or two. That is with some precautions and common sense. So please do not mix this surgery for your recovery, with SRS.”

“I would like your approval for this surgery along with your parents’ permission. You need to read this and sign here and here if you agree.”

“When would you do the surgery?”

He says, “…I would like to do it yet this afternoon. But I won’t do it without permission.”

“Mom and Dad, I should have it done, will you give your permission?” Both of them sign and, though it did not have legal standing, I signed it too. I am taken to the pre-op area where I have the yucky event of having someone shave me between my legs.

Dr. Gloria comes in to visit making sure I am alright. “So Janelle, are you comfortable with having the surgery?” “…I thought so, I wish you well Janelle and I will see you sometime after your surgery.”

I ask, “Would it be possible for you to be in with me?”

“…That is a very unusual request young lady, but I would be honored if you really want me to be in the operating room.”

I said, "Yes please, I would call you Aunt Gloria but then you probably couldn’t be my doctor.”

“That is precious; I will have to carry that honor unofficially in my heart.”

After I’m taken into surgery, Drs. Shaffer and Steinbeck come in. I joked, “Please if you steal anything don’t put it back.” The operating room has a little laughter. I begin to count backward and a moment later I am waking up and I want to cry. “Why didn’t you do the surgery?”

“It’s okay Janelle, your surgery is completed and everything went real well. Just rest a bit and we will take you up to your room in a half hour.”
 

 
A young student nurse is holding my hand and smiling.

“Hello,” I said, “Thank you for being with me. Were you in while they operated on me?”

“Yes, and I think you will be happy looking like a young woman. I have a young brother like you and about your age. He is so tender and nice, I’m sometimes afraid for him.”

“Yes, I know Bobby?” She is sadly surprised I know him. The truth is I recognized that she is Bobby’s sister. They live about two blocks from where I grew up. “I didn’t mean to scare you, what you said is safe with me. If Bobby would like to meet me…”

She smiles and looks at me but does not know who I am. “I know you as Bobby’s sister. He thinks you’re a neat sister.”

Now our hand-holding is mutual. “I wish I had a sister like you. I think this year has been harder with him in high school, but he does have some good friends. But they are not usually as brave as he is.”

She says, “You think Bobby is brave?”

“He’s braver than I am, I didn’t admit I’m a girl.” Lori smiles and giggles. “I know people don’t usually understand how brave it is to be him. I didn’t know about him till the second time I spotted make-up he missed. And he doesn’t know I am like him.”

“But you probably are a girl, he’s not.”

I say, “He might be more of a boy in some ways but I think he’s your sister.” I can see her thinking. Then I think of what she just said. “Why did you say I’m probably a girl?” I drift back to sleep while we talk and don’t remember what she says.
 

 
The truth is I don’t remember much of the rest of that day. I know Dr. Shaffer and Dr. Gloria both stop, but I do not remember what they say.

Breakfast and morning are not too exciting as I still have a catheter in me. I know TMI. Dr. Shaffer stops but won’t say anything, he wants someone staying after he tells me and leaves. Grandma looked in the door but quickly disappears.

It is 11:00 in the morning when Mom and Joyce come in. Joyce is carrying a present; by the shape of the box, I expect it is clothes. “Happy belated Birthday,” the card says. Except for momentarily getting up to greet my mother and sister, I am sitting down and ready to open my gift. It has a Pink bow that I gently untie and I am able to slip my fingers underneath the tape and with the exception of one spot, I open my gift without any wrapping coming off on the tape.

“Quit being so girly and just open it”, Joy says with a smile. But I can see she sees the gift as special. It is a short silver gray wrap-around skirt, a dark rose pink blouse that glimmers in the light. Without a second thought, I push Joy to the door to keep it closed and slip off the hospital gown. I wish I could put on the panty but don't worry too much. Mom hands me a lace bra and it is too die for. It is a shade lighter than my skirt, so I know it can show a little after the blouse is on. The blouse slips on over my head with two buttons in the back and a styled opening in the front. My shoulders and back shiver with goosebumps as it slides down.

I give Mom and Joyce each a hug, “So what about a belated birthday?”

“When Dr. Shaffer came out after surgery, he said, ‘She’s a girl!’ He says you have maturing girl organs inside of you. He is sure with your testes crushed by the kicks, the little testosterone production you had is all but gone. He expects there is a good likelihood your body’s female hormones will build in production.”

Joyce speaks, “You already are my sister, and now naturally you will become more and more a woman.” I start to twirl but the catheter reminds me I have to wait.

I guess I made a little sound when the catheter pulled, as I got dressed. Two nurses and two aides came into the room to see if there’s a problem. “Is that sound because you are now a boy killer? Wow, young lady, you are the best looking girl I’ve seen recovering from women’s surgery.”

Dr. Shaffer came into the room saying, “I came to take out the catheter.” Joann, the nurse tells him, “You need to step out a minute and we’ll turn her back into your patient.” He tried to speak, she laughs, “No buts…, this is a young lady and you will respect her as such.

It isn’t more than a minute and I’m in bed with the hospital gown barely hanging on me. He gently pulled out the tube, but the only good feeling to it is when he is done. Joann dabs a small spot that dripped. “I think your University doctor already was pretty sure of this. My confirmation will be enough to get official records changed.”

“I believe Dr. Gloria will now be more valuable than ever.” Dr. Shaffer looked around and the three nurses are all back in the room. “Don’t you three have something to do?”

They smile, “Yes, she’s a sister and with Hannah and Joyce we are here to welcome her into the sorority. You’re a man, we don’t expect you to understand.”

Dr. Shaffer smiles, “If you are alright later you can go home, if need be we will wait until tomorrow.” After lunchtime, my pain and the surgery area are doing well.
 

 
Nurse Joann came in the room announcing, “You are to be released to go home between 4:00-5:00. These pads are for your show and the trip home.”

“Show, what show?” I look to Mom,

“The nurses asked to see you in your prom dress before you go home.”

“Mom, I will look a fright, how could you?” “…Mom didn’t, I did,” Joyce spoke up. “Your hair will be done a little now and I will help with your make-up. It is better you get your worries about how you will look settled today.”

Joyce is right again; it is two thirty. Having my hair shampooed and styled in the room is not like the full salon treatment so I have that to look forward too. Joyce covers a multitude of sins, bruises as she transforms me very nicely with her makeup expertise.

I am about to put on my prom dress when Joann comes back in with Lori the student nurse.
 
End Part VII
 

 

 
To Be Continued...
 
 

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Part 8
 
 
“The nurses have asked to see you in your prom dress before you go home…” “Your hair will be done soon and I will help with your make-up. It is better you get your worries about how you will look settled today.”
 

  
I’m really happy to be home having one of Mom’s meals and to sleep in my bed. When I am ready to hang my prom dress on the back of the door, I start to daydream of being able to show it off. I danced around the room once before, hung it up. I sit down and enjoy just looking at it; thinking of it caressing my shoulders and down my body. I call Paul to tell him I’m home and feeling well. He is glad I am home and will still be his date to the Prom. But he disappoints when he becomes bored as I talked about my beautiful gown.

I decided to say good-bye to him and called Lacy. She is much more responsive. I know enough about her strapless gown and how beautiful she will be in it. I almost know as much about hers as mine or Joyce’s; we have fun talking about each of our gowns, the jewelry we plan to wear, how we want our hair and make-up. I am so easy to sway as Lacy describes another hairstyle and then another. I think it is the fourth one I like best.

I feel like I am doing fine but Mom treats me like a little girl, “Janelle, it is nine o’clock and I want you to get yourself ready for bed. Come 9:30, I want you in bed settling down. It has been a traumatic few days and you still need to rest and pace yourself.”

“Mom, I’m not going to be able to fall asleep until Joyce goes to bed”

“I’ve already asked Joyce to get to bed by 10:00 and she will do it for you.”
 
 
I protected the surgery area from getting wet as I shower. It is nice to have the water running over my head and down my shoulders and back. Even if it is only in my head, I feel the water cascading down like my back, waist and bottom are already different for being Jan. Getting clean as well as shampooing and conditioning my hair is now more important for me and I take more pride in how well my hair and skin feel and look. I notice the body in my hair is stronger, there are curves and waves that are coming in. Each part of being a girl and doing it well seems so much more important tonight. I just wish I could reach some areas that feel a little itchy and I would like to clean a bit better.

Like it’s on cue, Joyce knocks on the shower door. “Mom thought you might like someone to wash your back?” I turn down the shower a little as she steps in. There is enough room, and Joy has a soft, thick washcloth. She lathers my back and uses the washcloth to gently clean it. I’m not going to ask but she washes my lower back down to the stinky area as well and I am very grateful. “Jan, I think just in this short time your hips are more feminine. I really hope you like being a girl because I think you are going to be very girly.”

I turned around and Joy has a short cute terrycloth jumper on. She is now shampooing my hair again as well as conditions it. And her wet terry-cloth is hugging her very nicely. As I rinse my hair she is washing the front of my body. “Jan you are so beautiful and your budding breasts responded; I can’t help but think you are a woman inside and out.”

“Thanks, Joy, but I feel more like a little fifth-grade girl instead of a woman.” I pause wondering if I should ask Joy something as I am fighting being turned on by my sister.

“Joy, do you think Mom would mind if I ask to stay in ninth grade? I feel like things are moving too fast. I think starting in ninth grade next year would be good for me. I feel both as a student and as a girl, I am pushing myself. I’ve not been a good student in half my classes as Ronnie. Yet as Janelle, I would like high school to be mine as Jan. It probably sounds silly to you.”

Joyce turns off the water and pulls me out of the shower; she’s drying my backside as I’m drying the rest.

Joy is talking, “I think it is a good idea for you to talk with our parents. You have a lot of good common sense that gives the appearance things being easy for you.” I standing in front of my pretty terrycloth clad sister and helping to dry my body. Like Ronnie, I should be aroused and as to Jan, I should be embarrassed, at least more modest. I feel a more than a little excited but it is as Janelle and not a boy.

Joy starts to shimmy out of her terrycloth jumper. I’m embarrassed as I see how beautiful she is. “So Sis is that reaction as Ronnie or Jan?” She teases me by tracing around one of my nipples. Because of the bandage, she can’t tell that I am getting warm and damp between my legs. I need to use a washcloth and dry myself a second time before putting on my teddy bear pajamas.
 
 
I commence to dry and brush out my hair as Joy is taking her shower. Mom knocks and pokes her head in, “I’m just checking to make sure you are getting ready for bed.” Mom sees that Jan is in the shower.

Faith pokes her head in too. “Mom, you allow them to be in the bathroom together?”

I grab Faith and give her a big hug. “Is there something wrong with that,” I ask? I give her a big sister kiss on the cheek and hold her until she responds.

“Mom, she even feels like a girl?”

“That is probably because she is. Sometime after her bandages come off I think you will accidentally find out how much of a real girl she actually is.”

“Thanks, Mom, I am sorry Faith if I make you feel uncomfortable. Will you mind if I become your sister?”

“No, I already know you are my sister. Somehow, I still think of you as a boy dressing like a girl. The idea of what has changed is a little creepy.”
 

 
 
“Mom, can I talk to you and Dad before I get in bed?”

“Come out to the living room when you are ready. Would you like some mint tea? I’m going to have a cup.”

“Yes Mom, I will be right there.” I put on my robe and headed to the living room.

I cuddled up to Dad; I enjoy feeling close to him since the kidnapping. He was warm and friendly before, but I had kept a distance between us. Now, I sit down next to him and lean into him as his arm hugs me.

Mom brought in two cups of tea and an oatmeal cookie for each of us. “So Janelle, share whatever you want.”

“I'm wondering if you and Dad would mind if I stayed in ninth grade next year? I’m really only fourteen and I feel becoming a girl and dating and going to the prom that I am going to have trouble staying up with things.”

“As Janelle, I’ve become a better student, and I don’t want my grades from my school be following me as a freshman. I’m actually closer to Faith’s age then Joyce’s. I love having a big sister but as far as being myself, I’m living ahead of myself.”

Dad hugs me with the arm around me and kisses my forehead. “We like the idea of you in ninth grade too. Before school finishes, for the year the school here should get transcripts saying you are just graduating from eighth grade.”

Mom says, “We thought to have you tutored or go to summer school, but your counselor thinks you need time to relax.”

“We want you like another daughter in our family, however, we are not sure what the courts will say.” I am shaken by what Mom just said. I know the possibility. Mom comes over and is sitting on my other side.

“What you are saying is true, but I want to live like a family and plan what we want to do. I am just tickled that you want me.”

“We are in agreement, and right now you need to get to bed. Tomorrow we need to make the final preparations for two daughters to go to the Prom unless of course, that would be pushing you to grow up too fast.”
 

 
 
I’m trying to go to sleep, Joyce is coming out listening to her music with her tablet in her hand. “Joyce, would you do me a favor when you come to bed?” She stops and nods yes. “If I have trouble sleeping can I sleep with you?”

“Why don’t you just sleep in my bed and we will just plan on it for tonight.”

Mom comes in as I am getting into her bed. “Janelle, do you realize that you are scratching your breasts when you are out in public?”

“Mom my breasts itch a bit, but no I would not do that in public.”

Mom has pictures on her phone camera of three times when I was scratching myself. “That is not uncommon for a girl who's breasts are budding Janelle. But I want to let you know so you can correct that habit. I had to correct Faith when her breasts began to bud as well.”

She gave me an ointment to rub in my breasts. In the morning I find they are not very itchy. Now I touch them when I am alone because I marvel that they are so a girl like. Mom takes me shopping for some bras and panties after my sisters leave for school. This time I am more interested in the delicates I am buying.

When we get home from shopping I try on my 3” heels for when I have to walk up and down stairs. They are a little uncomfortable, but I have two days yet. I turn my back and try to picture how it would feel to dance. Mom speaks, “We’ll practice that too!”

“…What do you mean?”

Mom gives me a hug, “Remember I’ve been a girl longer than you. We need to practice dancing I’m sure you want at least 1-2 dances with Paul fully dressed including your heels.” She turns on some music and she has on a pair of platform shoes. It’s fun dancing with a mom. She is not as critical as it takes time to follow her lead. By the end of the second song I’m getting better as Mom cuts off the practice.”

I don’t like that I tire more quickly. I giggle when it comes to lunch. Mom makes us each a tuna salad sandwich with three nibble size carrots. “What are you giggling about?”

“The sandwiches are small and we have carrots instead of chips.”

“Go ahead and make a larger sandwich, but I think you should stay with the carrots.”

“It isn’t that I just realize how different it is being a girl. A small sandwich lasts longer for me than a larger sandwich did for Ronnie. I think I should go out for a powder puff softball league.”

“Don’t you let Joyce hear you call her a powder puff softball player? She would take you back of the garage so I don’t see what she would do to you.”

“Joyce wouldn’t do that?”

“There are plenty of things about Joyce you haven’t seen yet. I suspect in time she will torment you like she does Faith. There will also be a time she gets angry with you and her wrath surprises you”

“She doesn’t think of me as her real sister,” I ask?

“Can I share something in confidence, Mother to Daughter? …You have said enough times ‘I’m not a real girl or a real daughter or sister’, Joyce is afraid you don’t want her to be your sister?” I quickly turn melancholy afraid of what I’ve done. “What are you feeling or thinking right now Janelle?”

I try not to answer and Mom will not speak for me. I turn to go to my room, “No,” Mom is emphatic, “I won’t have you walking away this time. You better start acting as the daughter and sister you are.”

“You just said Mom, Joyce is afraid to be my sister because I don’t do things right.”

“…Pause a moment, hear what I’m saying, Joyce is not afraid to be your sister; she’s afraid, because of the times you say you want her to be a big sister like last night when you want her and other times you deny being a girl, our daughter or her sister. You act afraid letting of her attaching to you, and really be your big sister, by saying you aren’t real.”

This time I rush to Mom for a hug but try not to say anything. “Sometimes it is natural to want a hug, but don’t hide your feelings. Janelle other girls are not always sure what to say or do, even though they have much more experience than you.” Mom turns me around and is hugging me from behind as she is leading me somewhere. “Look in the mirror, I know you have had years being Ronnie; who do you see?” “…Janelle.” “…Do you want to be Janelle?”

“Oh yes! Thanks, Mommy, I think I understand. Do you think Joyce will forgive me and be my Sister?”

“I am pretty sure she loves being your sister, but you need to talk and take time with her and Faith.” The doorbell rings and a young woman introduced herself, “I’m Darla White, I will be your physical therapist today and tomorrow. Are you ready to really work out and get ready for your prom?”

“Glad to meet you Darla, we did do a few simple things this morning.” Mom escorts us to the exercise room where she now has a table out.

“Janelle, I’m going to ask you to change into a loose set of shorts, a bra, and a loose blouse if you want.”

‘Is a loose blouse really an option? I know it is nothing special but it is something I want to do.’ I go put on a pair of shorts. Mom has put out a yellow bra she knows I like. Then, Darla, has me lay on the table and she massages around the surgery area. “Janelle, I am sorry but this is not conducive to modesty. Do you mind if we talk during the session? If I ask something that you do not want to talk about please let me know. Also, know it is confidential other than writing needed information in my session report.”

Darla explains what she’s doing and answers my questions. She stretches my legs in more ways than I can imagine as well as my lower back, hips, and waist. “Very good Janelle, I’ll let you relax for ten, fifteen minutes. And then I will get you up to the last part of today’s therapy?”

“Janelle, you are a cute young teenage girl, does that please you?”

“Two weeks ago I would not have liked hearing that, but ‘Yes, it does!’ I didn’t know how much it takes to be a girl.”

“Do you now know all that it takes to be a girl?”

I look Darla in her blue eyes, “You are teasing me aren’t you? I enjoy what I learn. Each day holds something new unfortunately not all of it is fun. But, if someone could have made the right mistake, I did when I got in trouble with Hannah Grant.”

“How could something be the right mistake,” she laughingly asks?

“You need to keep this in confidence.” She agreed, “I sometimes dressed and even dreamed of being a girl. Sometimes my real mother wanted me to, and other times I did it without her knowing. So then when my good Mom, Mrs. Grant, set it as part of my punishment. I thought I could easily do it till I got away.”

“It turns out, it is better I wasn’t living at home. I don’t think things would have turned out so well.”

Darla has me up and walking around, making turns and going up and down stairs. “Your mother says we should practice most of this with heels on. What do you say to put on your heels and we do the same, plus a dance or two?”

I put on a pair of three-inch heels and we’re going through walking, stairs, even stooping down and then it is time to dance again. “How does a boy pretending to be a girl say yes to going to a prom?”

“I was on a date and Paul is a good looking guy but he had never gone on a date before, I felt bad about saying ‘No’ so I told him, ‘I will go if Joyce’s Mom says I can.’ It was so far out in a crazy way and so expensive, I was sure Mrs. Grant and my mother would say ‘no’. I've made stupid mistakes like that a number of times.”

Darla laughs and moves in a weird way which causes me to stretch in a similar way. “I apologize for that awkward movement young lady, but I am impressed in how well you are doing.” She sets me down and asks me to change back to my regular clothes.

I am heading behind a curtain to change when Joyce comes in while she’s knocking. “I’m sorry,” she says. And I fire back, “I don’t think so!”

“Darla White, Mom wants me to invite you to relax with some tea and banana bread or applesauce cake after you’re done. Jan, I would apologize again, but I’ll wait until we don’t have a guest.” I relaxed and that is when Joyce attacked me. “Now don’t hurt yourself fighting back sweet little sister.”

I should have suspected something when she was carrying her large purse, it is not her favorite. “Now this is to help you fill your bra.” She was squirting whip cream in both cups. “I love you Janelle with all my heart!”

“Yes, but what is attacking and terrorizing me about?”

“It’s my way of letting you know how much I love you. I want forever to be your big Sister, and I want you and me to will it to be so.” Once again I was crying happy tears. Today has been great in so many ways.

I stay dressed in the whipped cream in my bra and go to have tea with Darla and Mom. Both of them giggle as do I. The giggling becomes a mild roar as Dad enters behind me. Dad with a straight face says, “I see Joyce is giving you dressing lessons.” Dad gives me a peck on the forehead, “Does this mean you are having a good day?”

“She did well with me this morning; we were out shopping for some delicates and had her practice with heels, even dancing,” Mom says.

Darla speaks, “She did really well during our session as well. She is a remarkably resilient and tough young woman. She has been no trouble except she has to be in some pain and discomfort. But she is not letting on when she hurts,” Darla responds.

Dad asks, “Janelle is this true that you are having some discomfort without sharing it? There’s a bit of that tough boy in you.”

I know Dad meant it as a compliment, but it’s kind of a put down now I am a girl. “Yes Dad, I still hurt. But not because of Ronnie, I’m girl tough.” Dad is taken back.

“Well put young lady,” Mom says. “But I would honestly like to know, how much pain you are really feeling? So, on a range from one to ten how much pain are you feeling?”

Everyone is looking at me is unsettling. I whisper in Mom’s ear, “It’s a three Mom, a five or six by the end of therapy, but I hadn’t taken my afternoon medication.” Mom pulls me into a hug.

After dinner, I’ve finished my reading for school, I go up to Dad with my heels in my hand. “Dad, would you dance with me before I get ready for bed?”

Dad smiles, “I would be happy to, young lady.” Mom has her player from this morning, Dad puts on his dress shoes and I am in heels. Dad quickly knows the tune and starts slowly. It feels nice to be in a man’s arms. Dad begins to dance more in accordance with the flowing and pace of the music. He pushes me out and raises his arm and I twirl through it like I know what I am doing. Near the end he does it another time and then gently holding me, having me lean back, “Quite good young woman.”

“Thanks, Daddy. If you ever want you can call me a daughter,” I smile and say?

Dad pulls me in; his hug is more like a bear hug, but gentle for a girl. I like it because it is what he does with Faith and Joyce.

There’s a rude awaking, getting up early to do everything to be ready for school. I’m out of practice since the kidnapping and hospital. Among other things I forgot to pick out an outfit last night, so I am in front of the closet trying to decide what to wear.

Joy pinches my butt, “Want me to pick something for my little Sis’?”

Not after she says it like that I don’t. I choose a light blue skirt and print blouse with spring colors. Joy’s expression shows I chose well. “Janelle, can I suggest a lighter make-up that is appropriate for fourteen,” Joy asks?

“I like the idea but I need your help, I’m not sure how too?” The make-up is lightly put on, a lighter pink but bright enough to show. There in the softness, I see the young Jan that I feel inside.

When I go down for breakfast Mom compliments on my look; Faith remarks that I now look more like her.

I wonder in my mind if Amy Miller at school is really a young freshman?
 

 
 
Mom gives me a ride to school and tells me to keep my phone on me on silent vibration mode. I’m doing quite well until it is lunch time and I’m in the wide hall where I first met Aunt Marge. Lacy’s there and asks, “Are you alright Jan? It is safe today.”

Ms. Stafford comes over, “If you would like you could yell, ‘I’m safe!’”

I look at her and then to Lacy and smile before I scream, “I am safe today!!” Other students look around but I just smile and walk into the cafeteria. I turn around while I’m walking, “Thanks Ms. Stafford; thanks, Lacy.”

After I get my tray of food and go to sit down; I see Amy Miller. She’s sitting at a table with some other girls, yet she’s not one of them. I set my tray down and walk over to her, “Amy would you come over and sit with me? I would like to talk with you.” She smiles and without hesitating picks up her tray.

Lacy gives me a look like I should have asked, but I let that be her problem for now. I open my drink and take a bite of lunch before I start talking to Amy. “Amy, I’m Jan. I’m a young freshman for other reasons and will be again next year. But I’m wondering this morning if you are a young freshman because you’re smart like my sister Joy?”

“Yes and no, I’m intelligent, but I don’t think I am in Joyce’s league. I would enjoy talking with her some time. I didn’t think you were my age until this morning, you look different.”

“I’m wondering if we could be friends. I don’t need to hide who I am any longer.”

Amy smiles, “You know one of the ways to get to know each other is to go shopping. I’m going shopping after school with my mom. Do you want to come along?”

“I do, but I can’t, I have an appointment. I need to get over some injuries enough to go to the Prom.”

“I thought they only had Ronnie and his older brother,” Amy says?

“It’s a long story, but Mrs. Grant and I agreed on the name Janelle when she took me in. That was before things got out of hand” I say, only looking Amy half in the eye. Amy sees I’m sad or frightened.

“It is okay Jan you can tell me sometime when we are good friends,” She reaches one hand and gives it a light squeeze. She is already a good friend, but what will she think if she learns the truth? Will I feel like this every time I meet someone I care about?

Amy asks, “Do any of you need help with Prom stuff tomorrow?” Lacy and Patti, as well as I, are going. “Carol speaks up, “If you are not doing anything come five or five-thirty, you can help me take pictures at the promenade. And then at the Prom, a lot of the girls want more group pictures than the Photographer is willing to take. You need to wear something nice, but don’t show up those at the Prom.”

I need to go to the bathroom and quickly get to my next class. Between hurrying, my surgery and not use to my new plumbing all did not go smoothly. Instead of going quickly, it takes me longer and I’m going to be late for class. Others giggle as I verbalized my frustration, and the last of the others are leaving as I come out of the stall.

I still need to wash, redo some makeup and my hair. My frustration only causes me to take longer in getting things right. By the time I get to class, I am three minutes late. “I’m sorry for being late, Ms. Stafford?” Ms. Stafford says something but I’m just trying to get to my desk and crash.

“Young lady, aren’t you going to respond to my question?” I finally realize she is talking to me and not the class in general. “Sorry Ms. Stafford, I didn’t hear the question.”

“Diane, stand here and watch the class a minute. And now Janelle, come with me for a moment.” I am now pouting as I follow her out. Some guys give moans of doom, a few girls whisper I’ll be alright.

Miss Stafford turns to me and lifted my chin. “Are you alright young lady?”

“It was going well till I went in the girl’s room and the surgery made things more difficult then messy and O’ooo…”

“Just relax Janelle, I want you to go to the nurse and let her determine if you need to go home or not?” “…But…?”

The nurse called Mom and my school day was short, but it was as others thought my first good day back to school. Come 2:00 p.m. I’m napping, and just before four Mom wakes me to get ready for Darla.

I have on a thin panty, a sports bra and a loose fitting pair of short shorts. I brush out my hair and pin it up. I check the mirror and I am too vain not to wear some makeup. I even tweeze a few hairs of my eyebrows. And then I go downstairs to find Mom and wait.

Faith’s home from school and is staring at me and I become self-conscious of it. She steps a bit closer asking, “Are these really all you now?” She has a cute and sincere smile as she touches my breasts like a little girl making sure they are real. “I am really happy for you Jan and glad you’re my sister.”

We hugged, “You know I’m pretty good with makeup and would enjoy doing nails together anytime.”

“Could I ever sleep in your room with you? Maybe Mom will allow us to sleep downstairs with the big TV? She doesn‘t need to worry that I’d be trying to get away and be Ronnie again.”

Her face lit up, “But don’t worry I know you need to focus on the Prom and feeling better. I do like the idea of doing more things with you.” We share a hug and I follow her to her room. We visit as she changes and freshens up.

Mom calls up that Darla is here for my session. She removes the old bandages and cleans the surgery area. She is happy it looks well. She massages the area stretching some tendons and tissue deeper down.

“So young lady, I can feel some tension and stress, what did you do today? …That is great, I think you did very well at school. The frustration and mess were your body saying that was too enough for today. Your nap has you fresh and good for the rest of the day, I like that.”

My short shorts are back in place so I think my modesty can return, wrong! She’s how massaging the inside of my upper legs. While she is doing what she needs to, she is giving me pleasure I am uncomfortable acknowledging. “I’m sorry,” she says, “that kind of goes with helping this area.” She doesn’t need to tell me to enjoy it, “But if it helps I can tell you are all woman.”

“How can you tell,” I ask?

“The scent you are putting off and how your body responds. A boy would have been very different; so I expect Ronnie was more an illusion.”

“Dr. Gloria and you should have better visits talking about your life. Now that your body and appearance are one and the same.”

"My body is now responding too well.”

On a pleasure scale with ten being most pleasurable: It was at least a ten, but then again I have nothing to compare it too. I need to take a moment before I can continue my therapy. Fifteen minutes later I put on my heels as the doorbell rings and Paul is here to help me practice dancing. I put my long wrap-around skirt on with a slinky blouse.

It warms me to see Paul and it proves very beneficial to have him here. Paul’s style of dancing goes from close and slow encounters to an upbeat faster pace having little resemblance to predictability. Come to the fourth and final dance, I am comfortable as we dance together.

Dad takes me aside and asks my permission for him to instruct Paul on dancing. “No Dad; I will be very embarrassed and angry if you do?” Dad assures me I need not worry.

Paul stays around as Dad is taking everyone out to dinner. I didn’t want to go out, but I understand Mom’s tired. It also gives me a chance to spend time with Paul.
 
 
Despite no school, I am awake at 5:30 a.m. and too excited to go back to sleep. I go down to the kitchen so I don’t wake up Janelle. Seeing Dad as well as Mom I begin to turn around as I am in Teddy bear pajamas need to get a robe. Dad is careful as he wraps his right arm around me. I look up to see Mom smiling as she takes a picture with her phone camera.
 
 
Come 6:30, Lacy texts me, she too is up. We have 9:00 a.m. salon appointments. She writes Wear shorts or comfortable skirt, and nothing that needs to go over your head; protecting hairdo and makeup, open toe sandals that will not hurt manicure. Bring a bottle of nail polish desire or buy their polish for repairs if needed. Bring a credit card for this that and the other thing including tips, Lacy’s suggests a limited amount of cash. Use one credit card but have two, one is a back-up just in case.
 
 
Come seven o’clock Joy is down and Mom has Grandma’s Lincoln to take us to breakfast, insisting we each have a good breakfast. She drives me to my salon appointment and Joyce home as she doesn’t go until 11:00 a.m. at another salon. Of the six chairs being staffed by a beautician, five are for prom girls.

Brandy will be my hairdresser and will have Holly helping with my makeup as well as doing my nails. Brandy asks, “How would you like us to do your hair?

“This is the dress I will be wearing to the Prom?” I show her a picture. “I was wondering if you know how to do the classic Hollywood look of a leading lady with long dark hair? A look’ fitting for me and the dress now?”

“Wow Janelle, I would not have thought of it, but I love your thinking. Best of all it is a challenge that I am up for. We may need to go an extra mile to get there especially trying things like lipstick and nail polish to get the right look.”

“Will it cost significantly more?”

“Don’t worry about that, it will be such a treat to help obtain what you are asking for. If I could I’d like a signed photo of you in your gown all set for the Prom? Would you mind if I tint your hair just a shade darker?”
 

 
 
With her last comment, I knew she had the same image in mind that I’m hoping to achieve.

She turns my chair to shampoo and conditions my hair, “So let the fun begin,” Brandy says. “I see the care of your hair has resulted in some new curves and body? You are to be commended.”
 
 
During the second shampoo she adds the tint and while I am wondering about the end product, by the final rinsing of my hair Brandy is already comfortable with what she’s done. She has my hair wrapped while we look at three shades of deep red. We quickly eliminate one for being too dark as the color does not stand out. We put one aside to try again.

Brandy unwraps my hair and begins with a regular cut and then starts around again combing and rolling my hair in curlers from the left side. She amuses me by having me hold an inventory of curlers and to provide them as she asks. She doesn’t realize the thrill it gives me. I love the scents of a salon.

Lacy is in the chair next to me, “It is quite a girl experience, are you enjoying yourself?” I am sure my face is glowing; I like knowing she is sharing in my experience. I’m surprised that we are able to carry on a conversation, but except for Lacy and Brandy, all other noise has gone to the background.

Holly’s doing my pedicure and manicure is starting on my feet and fortunately for her and the outcome, she handles my feet well. Having looked at the picture of my dress and a swatch of the fabric she has selected which red polish to use first. It feels nice to place my feet and hands in the goop and to have her work the nails.

Holly uses extensions and begins to shape and cut the nails to match each other in length and shape. I can’t believe how they look so feminine even without the color polish.

Brandy is ready for me to go under the hairdryer and I am excited like a little girl. “Haven’t you ever been to the salon before,” Brandy asks?

“It is my first time for the Prom, and to have my hair tinted.”

“I want to thank you, I understand your excitement.”
 
 
Lacy is again in the next chair; she squeezes my hand and we’re talking again. Lacy sees the color of the polish as it is now going on my toes. “O Jan that is beautiful, did you choose the color?”

“Brandy and I got it down to two and this is the first being tried. If it dries like it was going on I think I will stay with it. …Lacy, how many of you are being picked up by the Limo for the Promenade?”

“There will be four I wish you were with us, but I understand you and Paul going with Joyce and Rick. Do you know who is driving and what kind of car they’re driving?”

“It’s Grandma Grant’s Lincoln and I know the guys either waxed it today or had it done. It is to be even better than usual and I always love her car anyway. I just hope Rick is driving so we can be the ones sitting in back?”
 
 
Time flies as we talk, and only when Brandy comes to get me, I realize the manicurist is finishing my right hand. She explains she will do a little design of curvy white lines and then finishing with a protective clear coat.

Back in Brandy’s chair, she’s taking out a curler and then combing my hair out. It takes over ten curlers before I begin seeing it come together. Lacy hands me a small sandwich and small water. She is ready for her makeup to go on and went to the loo.

The last curler is out and I need to use the restroom, but Brandy does not want me to see myself yet. I am taken to a private toilet where the mirror is covered. I do what I need and am back in my seat before I realize I didn’t sneak a look. Now the brushing, combing and a light spray here and there and my hair is taking shape. I watch Lacy’s expressions, even her worse expression is still positive.

“Wow, Janelle I didn’t know you chose anything like that, Wow!” The next batch of girls except for the two who had Lacy and I were already started. Lacy asks Michelle her beautician, “Why didn’t you suggest that?”

“I didn’t know what Brandy was doing and I’m not sure how it would look with you and your gown?” I felt really good inside that others would not be looking like me.

Brandy has done as much as she would before doing my makeup. “I am going to give you a soft look Jan, it will go well to capture the classic look as well as the innocence of a young teen. Your date Paul will probably be driven wild. Are you going anyplace with him after the Prom?” If she’s suggesting, I won’t answer. “You just be ready and don’t let him push you into anything.”

She did my lips as we are near complete. She and the manicurist look and wide smiles come to their faces. I want to see, Brianna says, “I need to put some finishing touches to have your hair in place.” She has an old looking hair decoration with a hairpin. “There, O you are beautiful Janelle.” She turns the chair so I face the mirror and I gasp.

“Please don’t cry, you will ruin your makeup.” I then heard Hannah’s voice as I look to the side of the mirror and see her reflection. Joyce and her friend Gail are there and seem to have a mixed reaction. I express a question with my eyes and Joyce picks it up.

“Don’t worry little Sis, you look disturbingly too beautiful. A freshman girl should not win a prize at a Junior-Senior Prom but you just might do that.” Brandy gives me a hand mirror to see closer up. I naturally pucker my lips and like the look, it is better than I imagined.
 
 
She has me stand and turn so I can use the hand mirror to see the back view. “Some people coming from behind will see that classic beauty and as you turn your head they will see the soft beauty of you today,” Mom’s speaking. ‘It is a darling look that will be complete when you are in your dress and heels.”

Mom goes to the register with Brandy and I see that Brandy is pleased with Mom’s tip. They take two pictures and we are on our way. We go to Broadway’s Salon on the main street where Joyce and Gail are going for their appointment. “It is better that you don’t go in Janelle.”
 

 
 
At home, I need to sit on hard chairs with straight backs to watch TV, read a book or whatever I do to pass time which I have plenty of. Mom suggests I text friends. I get on the computer and have the camera on as I Skype Amy.

“Jan, you surprise me that is a beautiful look. Can you get your gown and hold it if in front of you?” I run to get the gown and am back holding it in front of me. “I suggest you do not run and bounce around Jan or you will ruin your hairdo.” I’m thankful she says that I would have been clueless otherwise if it didn’t hold.

“Jan, can I ask a question about what you need to tell me? …Lacy thought you told me, so she talked about the difference since people thought you weren't Ronnie. I surmise you really were Ronnie but deep down you were actually Janelle, do I understand that correctly?”

I’m embarrassed, “It’s kind of yucky, isn’t it? I’ll understand if you don’t like me?”

“What are you talking about? I think it is way neater than the ugly duckling story!” I’m fighting not crying as I hear her. “I hope your makeup is dry?” I check and my makeup is holding. Amy explained the salon make up was tear proof once it dried, but I should not test it over and over.
 
 
Time is flying as we talk and Mom is getting Joyce, do I want to go? It is 3:30 when we get back and we are now in dress mode. Mom has me lay back as she removes my bandage and cleans my surgery area which is looking much better. She puts on a sheer bandage which adheres itself to my skin, no bulky bandage underneath my dress.

I put on a sheer slip starting just below my bra and any things like a bandage or panty are invisible. The cutaway area of the slip is larger than the slit in the gown. It is cool and tingles down my body and legs. Mom asks, “How do you like the feeling of silk?”

“Silk, I’m going to tinkle in my panty.” Mom is ready with Faith for me to step into my dress. It would have been easier to slip over my head except Mom didn’t want to chance to wreck my hairdo. I need to shimmy the dress over my hips, but it is not too tight of a fit. I place my hands through the arms of the dress and we fit the gown over my breasts and Mom is fastening and zipping up the back.

“Mom, I look like a beautiful girl.”

“You really need to stop being surprised by that. You are Janelle and you are a very attractive young woman.” Mom shows me some jewelry she has laid out for me as well as my small hand purse, which needs to be filled. Mom pokes a delicate handkerchief in the top of my dress by my left breast. I look to the mirror and it is not visible. Mom gives me a gentle air peck on the cheek and goes to help Joyce.
 
 
I pause in front of the full-length mirror and watch as I move around. I sit at Mom’s vanity as I try the pieces of jewelry and decide what to wear, and not to wear. I’m going with the necklace, and bracelet that is a set and a delicate sapphire ring Mom had cleaned. It's an heirloom she said, though I’m not sure what that meant.

I can’t fit my brush into the purse so I go with a good comb, my lipstick, I use a light spray of the gardenia perfume on one wrist and I use both wrists to place it on my neck below each ear. Whoever told me to use it sparingly was right. It is a beautiful fragrance, but I wouldn’t want to be in a cloud of it.
 
 
I check on Joyce, she has on a glimmering red gown and she has the body to put it over the top. If we had more white we would be a patriotic duo, but this is right for a prom. Joyce’s hair is mostly up with plenty of curls and nicely placed highlights. Where my heels as 3”, hers appear to be 4”, I think they will be just right for each of us.
 

 
 
Mom has Joyce and me posing for pictures as a car horn sounds its arrival. Joyce tugs my arm to get me to go upstairs. “Let’s just stay down here and greet them as they come through the door?” I give in and go with Joyce and Faith follows. Faith is getting signals when we are to come down.

I am the first and as I step to the top of the stairs I see Paul gazing up. His smile is priceless and he looks like the knight of last night’s dream. I use one hand to lift the skirt and the other lightly touching the railing as I walk down. Come, the bottom step Paul lifts me up and gently whirls me around and down. I gently give him the first kiss of the evening. Dad takes pictures of the two of us.

Rick, handsome in a white tux, takes his place at the bottom of the staircase and Joyce takes her time showing herself at the head of the stairs. Her timing is great as she appears; Rick is in awe as she is outright gorgeous! She is walking down and Rick can’t wait and joins her on the stairs. He swoops her up in his arms looks like a prince carrying his princess. Their pictures are taken and we are late but on our way to the promenade. We’re the last two to show up, thus we will be the last of those going in.

Mom, dad, Faith, Grandma and another older looking woman are there. Joyce is happy and turns to me, “Grandmother Grace is here; can, you see the resemblance?”

I lose where they are so I am not sure what she is talking about and she won’t tell me. Paul is anxious so we will go ahead of Joyce and Rick. Joyce is happy to go last.

I look to Paul and he’s waited to put on my corsage of three pink baby roses around a large white one. After two sticks Amy steps forward and pins it in place. She gives me a wink and blows me a kiss. I take Paul’s arm and we, are announced and begin to walk in and down two steps and through many admirers, Paul’s Mom calls and we turn for her. She is as happy as most of the girls’ mothers. I am sure she whispered ‘thank you’ to me.

Then when Mom calls my name there is a bank of three cameras taking pictures and again I can’t see the other woman fully. I heard Joyce and Rick already announced and there is a buzz from the crowd following us.
 

 
 
We are back to the car and like many couples circle the town beeping our horns at one another. Rick knows where he is going as we even drive over to the university campus as Joyce’s friends ask that we stop. I see several places there are at least one couple of lesbians and I am surprised that they are happy for us. I ask Joyce and she takes me by the hand and leads us over to two couples. “Yes, they are happy for us to get past the stereotyping. Bridgett and Mary and Jamie and Sue… this is my sister Janelle. Jamie steps forward and turns me in her arm as she lays a kiss on me and I find myself kissing her back very joyfully. “She is very beautiful, I hope Paul doesn’t mind.” Joyce smiles and takes us back to the car.

“Joyce, why did you do that?”

“Prejudice is not a trait Grants like to hold onto for a long time.”

“Is Jamie usually that forward?”

“She wouldn’t have kissed you unless she found you very attractive. I saw you did not fight her off.”

Next Rick took us to the hospital and Grandma Grant was there to make sure we came. “All four of you need to go up to pediatrics, I joked, “I thought you wanted us to go to the Geriatrics unit?” “…I insist on it now smarty!”
 
 
The children were happy to see us, especially the girls, but the little boys were pleading for kisses. All the boys except Donny ran away when I tried to kiss him. I asked Donny, “Why are you afraid of me?”

“I am dying anyway; I will be a happy boy if you kiss me.” I quickly turned away but he tugged on my dress. “Don’t cry it isn’t your fault and I don’t want you afraid of me.”

I knell down and say, “I am not afraid, it just I thought I would never go to a prom and now I am going to the prom, but it is not as important as your life.”

“Maybe I can live longer then.” A young girl Margie asks, “Would you come tomorrow and read us a story?” Joyce promises for both of us if we can stay awake. We leave the Pediatrics unit and are being led to my floor. Joyce tells me, “Do not to be so smart we don’t have time to visit the whole hospital.”
 
 
The staff is very happy to see me, several however have trouble believing it is me. Over to the Geriatric unit, Grandma has some dance music playing. A man comes over to me, “Miss Judy Garland may I have this dance?” He takes my hand and I am dancing with him and he is my best partner so far. Joyce and I dance with two people each and then wave good-bye.

There is a prom dinner served at the reception hall with special tables and someone special catering the meal. I had ordered the steak which is very tender, but much too large. Paul is happy to trade plates and finish mine when I am done eating. Most important about the meal is it quiets my stomach and that of half the girls’.

I and many of the girls were happy that we had our Prom pictures taken before we ate. Fortunately, only one table had a food accident.
 
 
The actual prom is set up in the larger reception hall and the lights are dim. Joyce says we should walk out through the garden area and come back in after a short walk. I had become hot and the walk is indeed refreshing. Paul and I again wait to be introduced and those inside hoot for Paul as they are happy he has a date. I am too and I am happy it is me he is with. Paul asks if I am going to take off my shoes. I tell him “No, not yet.”

“I am afraid I will step on your feet.” We dance several dances before I need to sit down. There is voting for the Prom Queen and King, as well as many categories to answer. I knew it should be either a senior or a junior, preferably a senior. I voted for Ashley one of the few Seniors I knew and liked.
,
Lacy says after I handed in my ballot that she voted for me, but it isn’t for Prom Queen. I voted for Joyce as the most beautiful underclass girl at the Prom. Lacy agrees that Joyce is a good person to vote for.
 
 
It is 10:00 when they begin to announce the results of the votes and other choices. Joyce was voted, Miss Underclassman and receives an extra photograph to be taken by the Photographer, as will the Prom Queen’s Princess Court. Ashley Cooper was voted the first runner up and wins a gift certificate as well. It sounds like a number of underclass students must have voted for her as many of us cheer for her.

Rhonda Mitchell is named as the Prom Queen and Rick Briles and Gary Johnson receive the same number of votes for King but Gary is named King since he is a Senior and Rick is a Junior. Joyce has mixed emotions about Rick getting second, but she knows if he had won, much of her night would be sitting to the side. “Rick, I’m sorry but I am glad I get to keep you for my own. I will make this a night a prom to remember.” Rick smiled and I wondered, “Joy, what did you mean by that?”

“I’m sorry you heard me say that but put it out of your mind. Mom thinks I’m going to be staying with friends and I am but you don’t know who so keep it that way.”

I didn’t think of it until it was midnight and Paul asked if I could stay with Joyce and him. I call home planning to say “Mom I need a ride” instead I ask, “Can I go to the after prom party?”

Paul thinks I am agreeing to be with them. “Paul, I don’t think I can do what you are asking but let’s go to the after party and I will think about it.” Paul is hopeful and at least for him, the night is not over. We both receive small gift cards for just showing up as Janelle and Ricky did. The theme is Casino night with a better than even winning percentage. It took me three hands of poker to win a pretty necklace and bracelet. I place my necklace around Paul’s neck and it acts as a choker. A number of girls think Paul is cute and give him a kiss on the cheek. But three girls are enough for me, “Go lasso your own guys.” Several girls did just that.
 

 
 
Come 1:00 a.m. more prizes are given out and again at 2:00 a.m. Paul won a mini-refrigerator for his dorm room. I asked for two more dances and then agreed to leave. Joy takes me to the girls’ restroom. I do need to be there but it is Joy’s advice I need most of all. “Jan, you are not a baby so I won’t make your decision for you. But I don’t want you pressed to make a decision for something you do not want to make. Between your surgery and Paul’s size and lack of experience, it would most likely be more painful than fun unless you feel excited to do it. Mostly I want you to know once you have sex you are likely to want to do it again? Do you understand me or have questions?”

“Will you think bad of me if I ask to be taken home?” I know I have puppy eyes as I look to her.

“No, and those puppy eyes won’t be bad when you tell Paul.” It is almost 3:00 by the time we got to my house and I ask Paul to walk me to the door. I intentionally place his hand on my right breast and give him a big kiss. “Thank you, Paul…” I would say more but Paul is pressing my bottom and up to his hard cock. He knows he is turning me on and he has dropped to kissing my neck where he is successfully leaving his mark. I take one more sloppy kiss and open the door. Paul jumps halfway to the car so I know he is pleased with the night.
 
 
The house is dark save light coming from under the door to the kitchen. I push open the door and see Mom there alone. I take a few hurried steps and give her a hug, “Mom thinks it was a wonderful night!”

I showed her my gift cards for two hours at the After Prom Party. I show Mom my bracelet, and Light Blue perfume I won and told her I won $470 of casino cash as well. “I bought this camisole with my cash and another I think Amy will like. Lacy hopes I will stay up to have breakfast with her and Mitch.”

Mom helps me out of my dress and to hang it up properly. We go back downstairs I am in my slip, panty, and bra. Mom gives me a cup of coffee to help stay awake and we share a sweet roll. I show Mom some pictures I took on my phone and several Joyce, Lacy, and Amy sent. I heard someone coming to the kitchen so I put on my new camisole. I felt better as it was Daddy who came through the door.

“How does your surgery area feel Angel?”

“I know it is there, but it doesn’t ever hurt much. How do you like my top and bracelet Daddy?”

Dad and Mom show me the pictures before we left from here and at the Promenade. “Can I get a large copy of that one with Paul setting me down?” I walk close to Dad and he pulls me to him and now I am on his lap. I am glad my hair is long enough I don‘t feel his whiskers, but he is trying to tease me.

“Daddy I know you love me.”

Daddy pauses and Mom asks, “What do you mean by that?” “Remember Mom when I asked you why boys would hit me if they like me? You said they aren’t comfortable saying they like me. I think Daddy’s nuzzling me is like that.”

Mom laughs, “Well dear, do you love our daughter? …Then you better learn how to tell her?”

“Daddy I am just teasing you. You're the sweetest dad a girl can have.”
 
 
It is 6:00 a.m. and I begin to put my dress on again. “Mom is it true that I probably won’t be wearing this dress again.”

“There might just be an occasion; even then I’m not sure you won’t choose to wear something else instead. And you’re becoming quite girly in a good sense.”
 
End Part VIII
 

 

 
To Be Continued...
 
 

“Daddy, I know you love me.” Daddy paused and Mom asked, “Why did you say that?”

“Remember Mom, when I asked you why boys would hit me if they liked me? You said they’re not comfortable saying they liked me. I think Daddy’s nuzzling me with whiskers is like that.”

Mom laughed, “Well dear, do you love your daughter? …If so then you better learn how to tell her?”

“Daddy I’m just teasing you.”

It is 6:30 a.m. and I begin to put my dress on again. “Mom is it true that I probably won’t wear this dress again.” Paul and I are to meet the others at Perkins for breakfast and then go to church wearing our prom clothes. Sis blushed when I stared at her, knowing she spent the night with Rick. Her smile told me it was a very good night for her. We went to the lady’s room where I gave her a clean pair of her panties. She smiled and said, “Thanks I had not thought of that.”

We went to the 9:00 a.m. service and sat in the main part of the sanctuary so others could see our gowns as we came in. I was very thankful that Lacy had fixed my hair. Many of the grandmas told me of different actresses I reminded them of. We were going to go home and fall asleep but I reminded Joyce of her promise to read a story to the kids at the hospital. We dropped Rick at his house and drove Grandma Grant’s Lincoln to the hospital. Joy read the Velveteen Rabbit story.

We drove to Grandma’s and she asked us to lay down a little while as it would be more than an hour before she could drive us home. Joyce took me by the hand to Grandma’s room where we took off and hung our gowns nicely. We laid down in Grandma’s bed for a short nap and woke up four hours later.

Grandma actually had cooked a large family dinner and our family and the Drury family, Mom’s sister, came over to eat.

“There just might be an occasion, but even then I’m not sure you won’t choose to wear something else instead. You are becoming quite girly in a good sense. Many girls don’t like wearing a special dress twice.”

The last week of school, the school received news from Missouri that I had officially graduated from 8th grade and my transcript was included. I was called to the guidance counselor and they registered me for the ninth grade for the next school year.

The last days of school Faith and Joy brought home information that I could still register for the town’s girls’ softball league and that I could also register for Summer Camp in July or August. Joy, Faith, Lacy and I talked about our options. Lacy and I were excited about going to Summer camp program that would have horseback riding. Faith wanted me to be in her league for softball.

Mom reminded me, “You still have to work three days a week at the Shoppe as part of your punishment and some to help pay for your clothes.”

Joy’s high school softball team made it to the state tournament but lost their second game. The girls playing in the summer senior high league were divided between several summer teams as were the high school girls from South Central High and the parochial schools.

“Mom what do you think I should do? Eighth graders going into ninth can play either in the Junior League or the Senior League.”

Hannah looked to Joy as well as me, “I’ll let you decide, but I think the Junior League would probably allow you to get more playing time and to become known as Janelle.”

Joyce spoke up, “The Senior League would have you play against more experienced girls. And any girl losing playing time to you will blame it on you really being a boy.” Joyce continued, “The important thing is to learn the basics, how softball is different from baseball and how your body is different.

“What does my body have to do with it,” I asked?

Joy smiled as she spoke to me, “Regarding softball as your breasts develop Jan you are going to have adjustment issues with throwing the ball, moving around and trying to hit the ball. If your pert buds are any indication you might have some sizable issues to deal with.” Joyce said giggling under her breath at this point.

“Mom, Joy just teased me!”

With a bit of a smirk on her face, Mom said, “Sorry but that is just reality of being a girl and sister. Developing, growing as a young woman is filled with various blessings and curses. Like I said you need to deal with it.”

I now had a half hour to get to the dress shop to work. I had worked only a little during prom and the end of school. Rachel and Jasmine were happy to see I’m back on a regular schedule.

It was after 7:00 p.m. when Caroline and Jenny Nichols came in and gave me a card. It was for a formal dance to be held at the Oak Creek Country Club. I quickly had some trepidation about going. Ms. Nichols cheerfully spoke up, “This will allow you to wear that beautiful dress. Remember I told you, I’d find an occasion you could wear it to?”

Jenny had run up to me with her arms open for a hug and I knelt down to receive her hug. I lifted her up and whirled her around once before I set her down again. “Thanks, Janelle, you are pretty as well as nice to me.” She took hold of my hand and stood next to me.

“Mommy said we get to wear our pretty dresses to the dance.”

I knelt back down and looked at Jenny. “My sister Joy said you use to be very shy.” Ms. Nichols walked next to her, knelt and hugged Jenny. “She is still quite shy, but she’s getting much better. You seem to have a way with her. I wondered if you would be willing to be with her during the week now and then during the summer. We’d be willing to pay you for your time.

“I know it might not be to the liking of a teenage girl but doctors say it would be extremely important to her opening up.”

Mom had told me this might happen. I knew I had an advantage over the Nichols. And I wanted more things of my own. I guess I have more of my natural parents in me than people think.

“I don’t know Ms. Nichols, I like Jenny but playing with her and being seen with a younger girl. I want to make new friends and not look like…”

“We were going to pay you $15.00 per hour but I’d pay even $20 or $25.00 an hour to get you to help her.” Ms. Nichols was ready to break into tears. It wasn’t hard even for me to see the love of a Mom for her daughter. I thought her heart would break if I said ‘No’.

Something clicked inside of me; I started to collapse myself and cry. I knew I couldn’t say yes to the money. “I’m sorry Mrs. Nichols…”

Jasmine interrupted me, “Janelle, you can’t say no and be so selfish.”

Caroline Nichols quickly became angry and snapped at Jasmine, not me. “Shush, Janelle has already helped Jenny so much. Don’t call her selfish or anything else!” And she had just gotten started.

“No, Ms. Nichols, Jasmine was right I wanted to be selfish and get you to pay me as much as I could get. I’m sorry but I can’t do that, that would be the old me. I’m sorry because Jenny is such a precious girl. And I was ready to play on a Mom’s heart. I let you ache that was not fair. Jasmine knew Mrs. Grant would be angry with me.

“I can help, but I can’t do it for the wrong reason or for money. But you’d need to know about me, I haven’t been a good person and I’m not what you think.”

Mrs. Nichols hugged and kissed her daughter while she said to me, “Your Mom, Mrs. Grant told me about you. I know you struggle sometimes to do the right thing like now. But I don’t think that is you or the girl my daughter opened too.” She took my hand and looked into my eyes, “Am I right?”

“You’re right,” I admitted, “but I don’t like the emotions and feelings of being a girl.”

Ms. Nichols smirked, “Welcome to being a girl. I don’t like crying either but those emotions often go with being a woman.”

“Now about the dance at Oak Creek, if you want some help in dancing or handling some of the people there, please let me know.”

“But I haven’t even caddied there. I won’t fit in. I don’t want to embarrass you or the Grants.”

The senior Mrs. Dooley came into the Shoppe with two younger women college or high school age. Our discussion ended and Ms. Nichols began to look at the clothes. Jenny followed me most of the time; sometimes she stood near and other times she held the side of my blouse.

Jasmine helped Mrs. Dooley and her college-age granddaughter, leaving me to help Mariah. Mariah was a little upset that her grandmother wanted her to wear a sundress or skirt when they were at the beach later in the summer. “Can you give me one good reason for me to wear a sundress or a skirt and top at the beach?”

She looked at me while I looked around to make sure she hadn’t asked someone else. Amused that such a pretty girl asked my opinion, I smiled and then thought. “Well if I saw you in a pretty sundress or outfit; I might think you’re with some guy. Unless I was really taken with you I’d be tempted but think twice before I approached you.

“I don’t think any girl should have just any Tom, Dick or Harry hit on her. Hopefully, your appearance would give you time to decide who you’re interested in.”

Mariah spoke up again, “Aren’t you a little young to be thinking how boys might hit on you?”

“Dah, you didn’t have boys hitting on you when you were younger than me?” I smiled as I led her over to a number of sundresses. I pulled out two similar sundresses, “Do you notice the difference between these?” Mariah quickly looked at the price tags.

“They’re about the same there. But if your Grandmother agreed to this one, she might not realize if you bought this one. I think it would be the sharper of the two for you.” Mariah took both into the changing room and agreed about which one to show grandma. It was not the one she bought and her Grandmother paid for.

While Jasmine checked them out, Ms. Nichols whispered, “You do have a mischievous side to you.”

“The one they purchased is still modest enough. I think it will be more than okay with her Mom. She shouldn’t flirt while her Grandmother is around anyway.”

“Will I have to watch you closely at the dance,” Caroline asked?

“I don’t think you need worry, I’m not a flirt yet.”

“My niece Cassidy said you flirted with boys since day one.” I thought, ‘Cassidy’?

“Lacy’s friend Cassidy Butler is she your niece,’ I asked?

“The same, do you deny what she said?”

“I didn’t flirt with them, they came after me. I’m still shy around boys, but somehow that attracts them.”

I didn’t realize it until Caroline remarked. I had taken Jenny’s ponytail out and brushed her hair out. Jenny went from looking eight to a cute ten or eleven-year-old girl. Jenny looked in the mirror and remarked that she liked it. She spoke up and told her Mom.

“You do look cute like that do you think you’d like it that way?” Her Mom looked to me, “A different hairstyle might help others to see the new Jenny.” I was afraid to ask, so I was relieved when Ms. Nichols talked about Jenny in the past. It was neat to hear but tugged on my heart.

To think just over two months ago neither Jenny nor her story would have meant anything to me. I tried to discretely touch my breast through my clothing, a reminder that I truly am a girl. Caroline hugged me from the side, “Yes that too means you’re a girl.”

It was 8:30 p.m. when Mom Grant stops to help lock up and to give me a ride home. The Nichols had left just before she got there. Several girls came into the store, a little before we were to close. I could tell at least one intended to shoplift from the store.

Mom said, “That goes for you other girls as well.” One girl had dropped a handful of necklaces and bracelets. The other girl said she didn’t have anything. The three were soon gone.

“You know we should let the police have one of these thieves sometimes,” Hannah said.

I told her, “They’ll probably help spread the word this is the wrong store to steal from.”

It was a Saturday morning with nothing special to do. I had been trying to act like life was normal now that I’ve been recognized as a girl. “Mom and Joyce, can I talk with you?” Mom already had her purse in one hand and her car keys in the other. Joy began to say “I have…”

I must have looked really down because they knew I was having trouble. Mom turned around and Joyce changed what she was going to say. She said, “It can wait if you’re ready to talk.”

“If I’m ready too, how did you know I had a problem,” I asked?

Mom spoke up, “All we knew was that you’ve been acting like everything is okay when seemingly it was not.” Joyce kicked off her sandals and sat up on the couch behind me with her feet under her. She started massaging my neck and shoulders. Mom went into the kitchen and later came out with three mugs of tea. By the time we were all settled, Joyce finished her massage and moved to form a triangle where we easily saw each other.

“Mom, this might sound strange. I know Dr. Shaffer said I’m really a girl and it is just paperwork to change things. I want to be a girl but I don’t feel like one inside. I am fifteen but I don’t know how to be one. I am still learning.”

“Now that you’re healed down there, I can’t wait till you spot like the normal girl you are.” Joy said, “It will be worse when you’ll complain about your water weight and feeling puffy.”

“Joy in a way I can’t wait until I am comfortable joking with you about this stuff.”

Joyce chimes in, “But what, don’t tell me you’re not a girl?”

“I am and I want to be a girl; I know I’m a girl. But I think like Ronnie; my experiences and my natural reactions have always been as a boy.”

“Mom, Ronnie’s thought of a tampon is to tell a girl to ‘stick it” or "if a girl is old enough to bleed… Well, I won’t say it. I feel embarrassed to ask you questions. I’m sorry for being so stupid, but it's the way I was raised. My Dad would even say those disgusting things to my Mom. You shouldn’t have to act like my mother; It's unfair to expect you too.”

“The unfair part of that male thinking,” Joy said. “Little Sis, its guys that wait until they are really lost to ask for directions or help. You woke up after surgery to hear you are a girl and then acted like you knew it all. You had eaten like a boy and now you have a boy’s gut. Thin yes, but now you need to exercise and eat a diet like a girl. I bet if you ran and exercised with me this summer you would look awesome, like the girl you are. Lord knows you are girly enough on the inside.”

Mom took my hands and the tenderness was there in her eyes as usual, “I think I understand what you are saying. And please, never again apologize about making me act like you Mom. I wasn’t going to tell you yet, but I think your Dad and I will be allowed to be your parents. This is not a problem you set upon me. I wanted to be your Mother ever since I knew what your biological Mom was really like.”

I broke down in tears hearing what Mom Grant said. I fell on my knees in front of her and hugged her putting my head into her lap like a little girl. I had dreamed of that ever since I was eight or nine but I never knew who I hugged. I only knew it wasn’t the mom I knew. I felt Joy’s head on my back and soon felt her tears seep through. I am such a lucky girl.

After a while, Mom spoke again, “Joyce and I have talked, knowing this time needed to come. We thought it might be good to have a girls’ weekend sometime at the shore. We would be free to have fun and talk girl stuff. What would you think about that?”

I said, “Okay except I don’t think I’d be ready to wear a girl’s swimsuit this summer .”

“Dah,” said Joy, “I don’t think guy’s swim trunks would be a good idea. You haven’t admitted it yet but you’re a tease and you seem to like it. I bet by the end of the summer you will have at least three swimsuits and a boyfriend or two.”

“Mom that is not true that I tease boys to like me,” I said. “It was bad enough to hear it at school. I shouldn’t have to hear it from my sister at home, please tell her to stop.”

I looked over to Mom expecting her to tell Joy to stop. “Janelle, I’ll ask her to stop, but you need to accept that you do it. If you want others to stop, I suggest you be more intentional about how you relate to boys.” I couldn’t believe it; Mom kind of sided with Joyce and others.

“I suspect you are not consciously trying to accept the girl we call Janelle has waited a long time to relate to boys. Mix that with boys vying to be noticed by the new girl and I think we see what has happened.”

“Janelle, can you tell Mom and me that there is no part of you that wanted boys to be interested in you?”

I tried to hurry and say “No!” But it wasn’t true. I hadn’t told anyone. I thought it started when Jenny first approached and talked to me. She saw me as a real girl that she could relate to. Ironic, we both became more than others saw. The first night at the Grants I wondered if Jenny saw me as a girl, might a boy see me as a girl too.

“Mom and Joy, what surprised me is that everyone thinks being attractive to boys is more special than my friendships with Lacy, Joy and you Mom. Yes, I like boys being interested in me. More importantly, I want to be a normal girl and I can’t do that without the help of you, Lacy and other girls. Grandma Grant has wisdom that touched through my baloney, but then she challenged me to be the girl she saw inside of me.”

“So should I include Grandma Grant in on our weekend away,” Mom asked

Joy spoke up, “I like the idea of getting together, and I liked our talk, but I’m going over to Rick’s. I wanted to ask you, Janelle, if you’d like to come. He has some cousins here for the weekend. Tera would like to go shopping and Jared. Well, let’s say I wouldn’t be surprised if Jared would be interested in meeting you. “

“I was hoping Rick’s neighbor, Johnny Briggs might come over. If he did, is there the possibility of someone else being with Jared, if we did something."

To be continued…

Joyce suggested, “Either wear the sundress or at least take it over to wear tonight if needed.” My casual sun-dress that looks like a painter’s palette filled with pastel colors with some mixing of colors. I like how pretty it is but it was short enough that I was ready to change out of it. Joyce convinced me to keep it on. “From what Rick said, Tera is very relaxed but she enjoys being a girl. So I think that means the way you look should work out fine.”

I made sure the cosmetics in my purse go along with what I wear and might want tonight. Seeing two tampons in my purse brought a smile to my face as I whispered, “Cute Joy.”

It took five minutes to get to Rick’s and a girl with dirty blonde hair bounced out to the car. She had on a very nice skirt outfit and she opened my door. “Thank heaven; I needed another person with good girl sense. We lived in a more rural area and wearing jeans most of the time drove me crazy. You wouldn’t mind going shopping with me, would you?” She eagerly helped me out of the car. “HI, I’m Tera and I hope you’re Janelle. Since I plan to become one of your best friends. I’d like to call you Elle if you don’t mind too much.”

I felt a need to catch my breath just having watched her. “Fine, but I thought you were just visiting your cousin Rick.”

“We are but that’s because our new home isn’t finished like it was supposed to be.”

I looked two houses over and saw Johnny had just pulled into his place. Tera caught me gazing at him. “Is he a boyfriend,” Tera asked?

“No, at least not yet,” I responded and we both giggled. We went around to the back of the house where everyone else was enjoying the good weather. I noticed some were already in swimsuits and the pool was filled and ready for summer enjoyment.

“Did you bring your swimsuit, Elle?” Joyce was only too happy to tell Tera I didn’t have a swimsuit. “That will be fantastic,” said Tera. “We can go shopping for them; I need a new one anyways. Will your Mom allow you to wear a bikini yet? Or would you prefer a traditional two-piece suit?”

“A two-piece…”

“Don’t worry about your tush. It will fill out in time; Mom said she was pretty thin in the butt and flat up top until she had kids. She’s had a pretty full figure ever since I could remember.” Joyce grinned, knowing Tera had me thinking more about a woman’s anatomy. Actually, I began to think it was a convenient way to explore and learn.

“Joyce, are you going to give us a ride to go shopping,” I asked?

“If you’re getting a swimsuit for when Johnny comes over, yes,” Sis said. Rick’s Mom was happy knowing it would occupy Tera for a while and make her happy.

We went to a shopping center; it is not a mall but Kohls and Macy’s each have stores as well as several women’s stores in the complex. We looked at Macy’s first and then Kohls. I found a cute two-piece swimsuit; the bottom looks like a skirt. It had a pink, brown and blue squares print with frills along the top of the skirt and the front of the top. I thought I was done until Tera insisted a girl needed a minimum of two swimsuits. I bought a red one-piece suit with white and yellow stripes down each side.

Tera, a half year older than me, is already pleasantly endowed. Enough so that a two-piece suit flattered her figure in ways I could only dream. Neither Joyce nor I thought her parents would object but we weren’t certain if she attracted too many boys. Terra and I both purchased cute wrap around skirts to wear poolside when we relaxed.

When we got back to Rick’s Tera and I quickly changed into our two-piece swimsuits and ran downstairs and outside. There I literally ran into Johnny, instead of bouncing off of him I held on to him, spun around with him falling on top of me. It was very embarrassing as he rolled off and helped to lift me as we stood up.

“Your sister told me you hoped I would fall for you and ask you to go out with me tonight.”

“Oh Joyce shouldn’t have that is embarrassing, I’m going to kill her.”

“Actually, it was Rick, not your sister who said it. And I wasn’t to have said anything. I thought it was funny after you ran into me. I’m sorry to have said it. I would, however, be happy to take you out tonight.”

I was too embarrassed to speak. I grabbed my towel from Johnny and quickly made my way to the pool and dove in. It was a neat girl experience to come up using my hands to get my long wet hair off my face. It even felt natural to check my swimsuit. I remained in the water fifteen minutes before Joyce asked me to get out as she needed to speak with me.

“What did you go off for without telling Johnny ‘yes’ about going out tonight?” Joyce said, “I thought that was what you wanted?”

“I did… I do… but I’m embarrassed that I bumped into him and knocked him down. I was so embarrassed that he already knew I liked him, do you understand,” I said talking so quickly I wasn’t sure she could understand.

“Jan, you hoped he would notice you, but you didn’t think he would. I remember a crush I had on Joe Atkins and other girls told him, I was so embarrassed.” Why didn’t Joyce realize I would be embarrassed if she did that to me?

Joyce handed the sunblock to Johnny and asked, “Would you mind helping her apply the sunblock before she gets burnt. Johnny took the bottle and read the label, “#30 sunblock. If you don’t mind getting some tan there’s a good 15 Block over on the table. It will allow you to tan more.”

Johnny said, “I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. I was hoping to ask you out sometime.” He followed me to a bench where I sat putting the sunblock on my chest, legs, and arms, especially around my swimsuit. I was very sensitive to his touch as he put the sunblock on my back. As I stood up, Johnny was a little quick to help put sunblock on the back of my legs, not that I fully minded, but I took over doing the top of my legs.

Joyce came up to me and complimented me, “I am glad you controlled the attention he wanted to give you. I continue to be impressed; boys seem to be attracted to you. You don’t want a reputation of being a girl boys can get away with cheap attention.”

“Joyce, I am uncomfortable with the panty of my swimsuit, maybe I should just change back.”

Joyce smiled, “I think you are just too sensitive because you remember your own boy thoughts” I heard her and reflect on the truth of her utterance. “You need to enjoy being a pretty young woman.” I thanked her for the compliment.

Joyce encouraged me to get back to Tera and the pool. We enjoyed a quick dip into the pool and then went up onto a platform where we laid out to tan and talk. A half hour later we both put on our wrap around skirts to enjoy our time socializing with others.

It was good to visit with Johnny. I found out that he was also part of the school’s drama group, an honor student as well as an athlete. I asked him if he knew a nice guy who might go out with Tera tonight. Fifteen minutes later with Rick and his Mom invite Scott one of their friends who came to meet Tera. Tera and I were happy as we could share the night together.

We were to go to a movie but changed and went to a baseball game/concert at the nearby Patriots stadium. I wanted to go home and change to jeans. Tera pointed out my tan showed much better with the sundress I brought with me.

In fear that it would get cool as the sun went down Johnny took me to see about getting a girl’s game jersey. With the prices as they were, it wasn’t going to happen. A salesperson with two guys next to us said, “I wonder if he got that pretty thing pregnant? Otherwise, I wouldn’t be spending any sixty dollars on her.” I became enraged when I realized Tera heard the same statement.

“How dare you even insinuate, you male pig,” I yelled back! Once those around us heard I was upset, he denied what he said, which made me angrier. The manager of the team store and a security person quickly came to calm things down. When Tera told Johnny what the jerk said; I had to hold Johnny. “Johnny if anyone hits him it will be you after me,” I told him.

After a heated discussion, the manager acknowledged an inappropriate statement was possibly said and offered me the game jersey and an apology by the offending person. “I will accept if you offer my date and friend complimentary tickets for a future game and he gets some sensitivity training.”

The manager hesitated to say, “If I mandated the training that would probably result in him getting fired. Is that what you really want?”

“Really, I didn’t want any of it, but I am not responsible for what happens. Going through the classes don’t guarantee me he learned his lesson any more than his apology it just makes me happier.” A co-worker and friend of the sales guy showed up and she got really angry at Tio. “Tio, you jerk she has every reason to be angry. If you said that to me I would have torn out your eyes.” Angie learned my name, “Jan, if Tio pays for the game jersey, your friends get the tickets and I make sure he gets the training will that satisfy you? It doesn’t take back the embarrassment or hurt tonight, but we can’t do that.”

I appreciated what she did and I cried a little as I said thanks and we hugged one another. I was going just to take a jersey, but Angie helped me to find one that fitted properly. “You know, you’ll be a good advertisement for the team you look so good.” She smiled with an idea, “Would you mind if I got some of the players to sign it for you?” She took the jersey to get some autographs.

We missed an inning of the ball game, luckily no one scored then. It was seventh inning stretch when Angie brought back the jersey to me, saying, “All the starters and the manager signed it for you.” It was the third inning with two on and Manny Havret rocked a three-run homer to set the Patriots off on 8-3 rout.

It was cool enough to wear the jersey come concert time, as I enjoyed feeling Johnny’s arms around me. Then suddenly I felt a need to rush to the women’s room. Sitting to pee I knew something was different and when I wiped I knew I had begun a period. Using a tampon and a panty shield I took care of things as needed. My moaning sigh must not have been to myself as intended. I saw Joy waiting for me by the sink.

“You knew didn’t you?” Joy didn’t say anything she didn’t have to. “How did you know?”

Joy said, “You’ve been puffy since yesterday and your temper has been short.”

“Nice you’re saying I’m fatter and emotional, thanks! Any other compliments you want to give me?” Joyce just smiled and got out of my way so I could see me in the mirror. “And I need makeup thanks again,” this time even I was ready to giggle. Joyce sprayed a mist of perfume for me to walk into as we returned to the guys.

I kinda felt yucky and dirty, but I also felt good knowing I was a girl. Tera, being herself, said, “I can’t believe that is your first period, girl.”

Most of the rest of the night was lost until I got home. I wanted to be left alone, but I needed to talk to Joyce and then Mom. You don’t need the details.

I stayed in a mood for three days and it took a call from Caroline Nichols and a visit with Jenny to get me back active. It was fun to go with Jenny to the park. I could soon tell which of the playground equipment Jenny was familiar and comfortable with. We spent some time swinging side by side with sometimes me pushing her. One time near the end she jumped off the swing. While she was not high up, she didn’t land on her feet. She fell forward and I expected it hurt a little. Jenny looked at me, “I didn’t mean to scare you, but I had to try. I don’t want to remain a little girl,” she said.

I gave her a big hug, “You are growing up, huh, aren’t you?” We played hop-scotch, went on a merry-go-round and played with a basketball. I didn’t know how long Mrs. Nichols was there, but it obvious she was one happy mother. Near the end of our time together, she came over and treated us to flavored crushed ice treats.

“A penny for your thoughts Janelle,” she said?

I had to pause and think. I smiled but it was a sad smile. “I wished I had a Mom like you when I was growing up or that I could go back and change things.” Caroline Nichols didn’t say much, I just knew she was there and I was safe to think and have my feelings.

“Mrs. Nichols, can I ask a sensitive question?” She paused before she said, “Yes.” “Did you already know what was important in life before Jenny,” I asked? “Beautiful women aren’t usually given a lot of credit for thinking about others.”

“You should know better about stereotypes. I was fortunate to have grown up in a neat family. I learned a lot from my parents, especially my mother; more than I thought at the time. I don’t think looks has a lot to do with it.

“I wasn’t ready for Jenny, but I learned quickly. When she was born, I saw the miracle of life. There were plenty of times I was ready to give up and a lot of nights and mornings I cried.” Caroline’s emotions were there on her sleeve; I thought she would stop. “Other people like your Mom, Hannah, and your sister and enough others were sensitive to us. Plus, I was told she was still likely to express being happy. I was so overjoyed when she opened up to you and you thought of a way I could say yes to her.”

“Jan, let me ask you a question?” Caroline looked and I knew it would be okay if I didn’t want to answer. “I since learned you had been caught doing something bad and were being punished that day. I’m sure it’s not true, but someone said you weren’t a very nice person. If half of that is true, what caused you to be so nice to Jenny and helpful to others?”

“I’m not sure, it surprised me. I had been caught and Mrs. Grant got me to cooperate and it blocked all my attempts to get away. Most of all being dressed like a girl gave me another chance to be someone new.

“Jenny accepted me as a friend and when she asked about a dress or outfit for her, I so wanted her to be happy. I knew she wanted something too.”

I continued, “Others were right, I wasn’t nice and I didn’t do most things for good reasons.” I looked at Ms. Nichols and suddenly I was afraid. “Are you going to keep me from Jenny now that you know the truth?”

“No, but I am glad to know the truth. I didn’t know you as a boy. However, I am delighted to know Janelle. Your mother wanted you to have another woman you could confide in outside the family and doctors. If you should ever choose, I would be honored to be here for you.”

“Jenny seems to blossom when you’re around. She seemingly brings out the best in you as well.”

It was two days later when Mom took me aside and told me, “Janelle, I talked to Caroline Nichols about being your God-Mother. You’ve wondered about being a member of our family and you’ve expressed concern about God loving you. I thought if you were baptized as Janelle Elizabeth Grant and Caroline was you God-Mother maybe we could affirm both for you.” Mom explained it would be something official, yet they did not need a court to decide if it was okay.

Joy came behind me, “But she’s fourteen Mom; she might feel awkward, too old to do something like that.”

“No, I’m not too… I love the idea but Ms. Nichols might think it silly or wrong,” I nervously said.

Mom’s eyes lit up and with a hand she gently stroked my cheek saying, “She has already agreed, saying she’d be very happy too.”

“Mom, could you ask if Pastor Robin could baptize me? No offense to Rev. Carothers, but if I need to talk to one of them; well I’d be more comfortable talking to Robin.”

It came time for the July 4th social at the Oak Creek Country Club. Cassidy Butler and Lace Strong were both with me. With a push-up bra and help, I had enough cleavage to look totally a girl. With Cassidy and Lace, I was sure we would attract the attention of some boys. It was 8:00 in the evening before the dance started and some of the golfers were still coming off of the course.

The three of us were eating with the Nichols at their table when four guys went walking by. Cassidy quickly asked me, “Which one did you like Janelle?”

I paused and answered, “The one with the strawberry blonde.” He was attractive enough; I wasn’t going to embarrass myself saying either of the two I thought were the hottest.

Cassidy said, “Could you suffer along with the dark haired guy with the curls?” My smile gave me away. “That’s good because he’s the one who was taken with you. They’re from Fremont High and at least one of them has a car.”

Jenny told me, “Toby’s cute I think you’ll like him.”

“Jenny, how do you know his name,” I asked? She smiled and I found out that Cousin Cassidy had sent her to scout them out when they first arrived. I asked Cassidy “Is that a tactic you generally use?”

She snickered, “Don’t knock it, it worked. Plus if they were rude to Jenn, it would have told me something else and I'd have nothing to do with them.”

Caroline interceded, “You’re not chasing after them and no one is getting in any car with them; do you hear me?” Carol waited us out. “If they’re smart and interested they will come to you. If the feelings are mutual at the end of the night; they can ask you out.”

Lace smiled and asked, “Ms. C, is that what you did with Mr. Nichols?”

“That is what I had to do at sixteen and seventeen. Mr. Nichols, Jack came along in college. And please Cassidy knows I don’t like being called Ms or Mrs. by you, it makes me feel old. Call be Carol or Caroline and not only tonight.”

Lace suggested we go to the ladies room and put on our eye and evening makeup. I was amused by how feminine were the eyes looking back at me in the mirror when I was done. Lace had suggested the red to set off the blue. Carol questioned the look it gave me, but I was happy when she didn’t tell me to go back and change.

Toby must have stuffed his food down as he was still chewing when the guys came over…

To be continued…

The next week, Mom told Faith and I, we're going to summer camp. It was even the one I had wanted to go to as Ronnie. That’s ironic, I was stealing things so I could go as Ronnie and now the opportunity is being given to Janelle when I don’t deserve it. I was crying happy tears. Both sisters were there giving be a hard time for being more girly then they are. Lucky for them, they don’t understand. I was excited about being at a camp with horse riding, but even more I would see friends from last year.

Lacy was more than happy to help me get my summer wardrobe. Lacy is the only girl outside of my family who knows I was Ronnie. That is except Angie Jones, the student nurse and sister to Bobby.

Mom, Faith, Lacy and I go shopping for summer clothes for a full week at Camp. I’m surprised that Mom takes us to the stores at the Mall when she has her own store. Joyce told me it’ because ‘Mom knows going to the mall is part of a girl experience and we should have some of the same brands that other girls identify with.

We go right at nine in the morning as the stores are opening. We bumped into Angie while we were shopping. Angie’s a good professional and did not say anything. But I said, “Hi Angie,” and then looking around to see if anyone is with her. “How is Bobby enjoying his summer?”

Now Angie is looking at me and then looking around. “Do you have a minute that you and I can talk,” she asked?

I asked Lacy and Mom to give me a moment and walked with Angie so we could be alone. Angie said, “I couldn’t initiate anything, but thanks for asking. I talked to Bobby. He told me some of the stuff he goes through each year. You’re right, he’s braver than I ever realized. Nor did I know he’s such a girl.

“Unfortunately, our Mom won’t hear that it’s more than a phase. She’s insisted that he purge any girl clothes he had. His summer is turning out worse than the school year.”

I asked, “Did you mention about me and that he could talk to me?”

Angie’s sad eyes told me otherwise. “I didn’t know how to tell him without identifying you. I was afraid to tell him that someone knew about his cross-dressing. He didn’t know that I knew that much about him.”

“You mean you didn’t help him to dress at Halloween or at your Mardi Gras celebrations?” Angie looked surprised that I knew about their Mardi Gras party. "I looked for Bobby’s makeup this year because last year was one of the times I found makeup. I wasn’t disappointed." I even walked pass their house this year and wished I were invited to dress as he did.

When I told Angie I was going to summer camp she told me that Bobby was going to a church camp. I was very happy to learn it was the same program I was going to with horses. I told her, “You should send a girl’s outfit with me for him, as well as a girl’s bathing suit.”

“You wouldn’t,” Angie began to smile as I didn’t reply, “would you?”

“There is some of Ronnie’s daring still in me? Plus now I know how to better dress a boy as a girl.” Angie asked if I was still shopping for a while, but she hurried and left shortly after I said, “Here or at Mom’s store.”

We weren’t there long and I was afraid Angie would be upset if she came back and didn't find me.

Rachel and Jasmine were happy to see us when we got to Mom’s store. It was unusually busy, so Mom and I planned to spend the next half hour helping to wait on customers. Three girls were looking for summer clothes and I found what they were looking for with my help. Unfortunately, they chose some of the same clothes I thought were especially neat and wanted to buy. I noticed the inventory of summer clothes had depleted a lot over yesterday and today.

More customers continued to come in; people shopping in a store actually attract other shoppers. It is great for business. I know Mom’s store is not my personal closet but I've come to depend on it.

Lacy was able to shop on her own and already had her little pile started. Faith was even shopping, ugh!

Caroline had stopped with Jenny and I had the pleasure to help them. I would be seeing Jenny in the morning. Today, I knew there was a package of clothes waiting for Jenny and if her Mom liked what she saw we would probably order a few more items for them.

Jenny was happy with her clothes and she told me about my Mom buying the store next door just for her. I was amused that Jenny saw it that way. We had to measure Jenny as she had grown a full inch since earlier in the spring. “Her doctor actually thinks part of Jenny’s new growth spurt is tied to her being happy. She speculated that Jenny was stressed and her being happy indicates that stress has lightened significantly and more energy and nutrients are going toward her growth.

Mom is expanding to the store next to the one next to her. She is going to expand both her existing lines and begin to carry clothes for young girls beginning with girls eight years old and older. Her line would be more fashionable and better quality clothes than in most area stores, especially the large discount stores. It is not a whimsical idea. Rather I wanted to give girls a chance to become fashion savvy and have a choice of better quality clothing. There are now more cottage industry providers into young people’s fashions. Some who started with little kids clothes three to five years ago have a following for the clothes Mom would sell.

Three providers are to come in August and Mom plans to use Jenny as one of her models for a variety of outfits. Mom would actually tape part of the day in plans to use that for promoting the grand opening of the expanded store. It would be an ambitious plan, but Dad has told me that was the kind of Mom I have now.

It was after lunch when Angie tapped me on the shoulder and handed me a bag. The clothes were actually from Mom’s store. I had been busy enough I hadn’t noticed she was there. She handed me a second bag. The second bag had two pairs of panties, socks, and a towel. The first bag had a swimsuit, two shorts, and two tops. “I guess you took me pretty seriously. You know he and I could get in trouble.”

Angie commented, “I thought of that and I put a note in there for whatever it would be worth.”

“That will only mean, my and your actions would be premeditated.” She and I giggled.

Lacy had seen into the bags of clothes and asked, “What’s so special with the clothes?”

Angie looked at Lacy and then me. I quickly whispered to Angie, “She doesn’t know Bobby or what this is about.”

Totally surprising me, Angie tells Lacy, “It is for my brother; he’s going to be at the same summer camp program Janelle is going to.”

Lacy looked at me, “Seriously, what is going on?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to convince Lacy what Angie said was true.

Angie asked Lacy, “You need to promise not to tell anyone, less Janelle gets in big trouble.” Lacy smiled not sure what she was promising but agreed. Angie did us a favor and took Lacy home.

It was nearly 4:30 in the afternoon when I finally got to shop. I took time to stock the shelves and hang some more of the clothes I wanted to look at. While two of my first choices were gone, I was very happy with what I was getting. I was not sure if Hannah was upset with the two tops I selected or amused. Neither top would cover my midsection even before I would stretch. I have worked on my waist and it is now a pretty girl’s waist, very different from this spring.

I have taken to ordering sandals for me when my Mom orders footwear for her mannequins. One pair had come in along with three pairs I had ordered for customers. There is no mistake, Mom is not happy that I had done that without her permission. The result is I’m not going out Friday or Saturday night; I will be working until 8:00 p.m. both nights.

Faith actually bought twice as much as me. She is a year younger than me and it is her first summer as a teen. She has a great fashion sense with the styles and colors of clothes she likes. It is getting easier for me to tell who has raided whose closet. It is not likely that Joy would raid our clothes, but we both like her tastes. Mom asked why we don’t buy clothes like Joy’s. Faith and I laughed, “Because she does such a good job.”

Mom asked, “Janelle, what’s with the clothes that Angie gave to you today?” I had to tell as there could be no lying to her by me.

“Mom, Angie’s brother Bobby is going to the same summer camp program and he’s been more of a girl than I ever was as Ronnie.” I told Mom, “I only plan to give him an opportunity; I won’t force him nor embarrass him into doing anything he doesn’t want to do.”

“And you think he is going to just find a place and change and no one will notice?”

“I think there is a good possibility he might decide to; I have an idea on how it could work. If he decides not too or the opportunity doesn’t come, Angie can have the clothes back.” Mom and I talked some more. She knew I might end up being sent home from Camp. Mom asked me, “Is it worth the risk to you?”

Mom continued, “You know if they approve you to be in our family, they will be expecting you to be on good behavior?”

“Mom, if it is not at Camp with a friend there; it will happen and most likely with nobody there for him. It might not be a good risk, but it is better than the alternative.” Mom hugged me, she didn’t say I was right, but she did say, “I am proud of you. Please use very good discretion.”

I had two more games of summer league softball. It is funny trying to throw a ball or hit with a bat as my growing breasts get in the way or as Mom says, "This changes the way you do the same things as a girl." I had grand ideas of setting the softball world on fire. I am becoming a better player and next summer I hope to be ready for the freshmyn team.

CrossWays Camp has two junior high camps this week and next week and two high school camps the same weeks. Mom had oodles of forms to fill out and sign, while Faith and I have to carry our sleeping bags and our stuff a half mile to our campsites. Yes, there is a path that a camp vehicle could use to haul the stuff for us. They are afraid we would bring more things if they drove it down to the sites.

Our dwellings are supposed to be a hundred yards from the boy's campsite. It is more like a hundred and twenty feet if I remember right from last year. I already knew Teri, the counselor, and we are to have in our tree hut. If she does like she did last year she will be off smoking someplace, possibly this year with a boyfriend. I am kind of counting on it if Bobby is to be helped. The sleeping areas for students our age were glorified tree houses about fifteen feet above the ground.

Wearing short shorts is a new experience. It meant I had to shave all the way up and make sure hair didn’t show with the short shorts.

Walking down to my campsite I say hello to Shelby and Cadence as we arrive carrying our stuff down. I tell Shelby, “I like how your hair has changed and gotten longer since last year.” “Cadence, you’ve grown two inches.” I didn’t mention how she also blossomed. It was thirty minutes later when I said hello to Jayne Freese that Cadence confronts me.

“How is it you know us and none of us remember you?” I was caught off guard, I tried to tell them I was at camp and then I had to add I was probably in the other camp program.

Monday morning I woke up with a problem; my pajamas bottoms had blood on them. Shelby and another girl got on my case, “Don’t you keep track of when to expect your period?” My tears and embarrassment told them I hadn’t.

It told Cadence something entirely different. She told the others to go up to breakfast without us but to ask the camp nurse to come. Our site counselor wasn’t there and would only show when the group got to breakfast. Cadence and I went to the showers after the others left. I took my pajamas and sleeping bag to wash them.

Cadence said, “I figured out how you knew us. I’m sorry we gave you grief, but you should have known better than to speak up and say you knew us.”

I wasn’t ready to admit having been Ronnie. “So how did I know you? And how do you think you figured things out?”

“Don’t play games with me, I’m trying to be your friend,” she said. I knew she was right but I remained silent hoping she would be the one to speak first. “I knew you stayed with the Grants for some reason. When the Hammers grabbed you, word was they knew you and you were somehow related. The fact that Ronnie Hammer had gone missing and though people said they found him; he’s never reappeared anywhere.”

“You went to ninth grade this spring, but you ended up playing junior high softball. Now, do you want to still deny things or confess up and hope we can be friends?”

“I’m sorry, but I hope you won’t tell the others.” I was doing all I can not cry.

“I thought you were probably just pretending to be a girl, but I didn’t think they would allow a boy to be in our hut. When we took showers last night I saw what wasn’t there. Plus you have pretty breasts. The one thing that I don’t understand is how you could be having your period. It is your first period isn’t it and worst you didn’t expect it?”

I confessed to Cadence and told her more than she probably wanted to know. I didn’t realize until I finished that Nurse Crachet was already there. And no her name is not Crachet. That was what the guys named her last year in at our camp skits. Nurse Paula, luckily for me is very good as a nurse and quite compassionate.

“Do I need to examine you, Jan, or do I only need to teach you how to use a tampon and a pad?” Nurse Pauline suggested I needed a good feminine pad if I was still going to ride horses today. She also gave me a pill to help me feel better or as she said, “So you don’t feel quite as lousy as you might without it.

Cadence came out of the shower and dried herself in front of me. I guess that was her way of opening to me, a way of acceptance.

It was later that day I told Cadence there was another boy at Camp who was like I use to be. I was not going to tell her who it was. But she said, “There’s Jeffery whose pretty effeminate or Bobby who's also from Central City and more like you. Do you want me to guess which one you’re talking about?”

“How do you figure things out?”

“My Dad’s, Detective Rawlings but you need to know he didn’t tell me about you.”

I replied, “At least not until after you figured things out.” We both giggled.

I like riding horses enough that it made my day fairly enjoyable. I decided to wait until tomorrow to try and talk to Billy.

Cadence’s friendship helped my being better accepted. As Cadence said I tried too hard to be a friend on my own. The rest of the camp is more fun this year; crafts, the lessons, and singing are more enjoyable. Faith and I visited on Tuesday; she told me, “Someone said you were more agreeable and willing to take part this year.” It had to be Cadence since she was the only one besides Faith to know both sides of me.

Tuesday, I took a towel with me when I went to the lake to swim and canoe. The significance was the towel looked like one that Bobby had, but mine had a girl’s top rolled in it. Needless to say, Bobby was surprised when he picked up the wrong towel and it fell out.

I paused long enough to notice that Bobby liked it. He did a good job at not showing it. I told. “Bobby, did anyone ever tell you there are others like you or that they might be at the camp?”

“I doubt that very much. I don’t know what you think you’re talking about. I am sure that you and I aren’t alike.”

“Did you know Ronnie Hammer was like you?”

“He knew me, but I knew more about him then he knew. But Ronnie told me he wouldn’t say anything to others.” My hand touched Bobby’s hand, “I didn’t.”

Bobby asked, “What do you mean I didn’t, didn’t what?”

I caught my breath, “I didn’t tell anyone as we agreed.” I paused and Bobby stares at me. I knew he is looking to see glimpses of Ronnie. “You can’t see much of Ronnie can you?”

“I have enough clothes here that you could dress and be a girl for part of a day. Around eleven o’clock tomorrow there shouldn’t be anyone at the girls’ shower. You could write a note to give to your counselor that you will miss part of tomorrow for a doctor’s appointment. I could have a note for our counselor that Stephanie will be with our group, possibly even overnight.”

“It wouldn’t work,” Bobby said before he realized he blew his cover.

“I even have a swimsuit that Angie bought for you. It even has enough padding on top to help you to look like the pretty girl you see yourself as.”

“Bobby, my stuff happened by a good accident and by an ugly incident with my folks. …I’m sorry we can’t keep talking like this. I will be at the shower tomorrow if you are willing to try. If you don’t believe who I am you can ask Cadence, her dad is a policeman.” With that, I walked away.

I wasn’t sure if Bobby would show up, but later I figured there was a pretty good chance when Cadence told me, “Bobby asked if I knew who you were? I told him to shush unless he was a friend. He asked me if he could trust you. I told him, it is more like can she trust you. She’s the one who has a secret.”

To be continued…

I don’t know who was more anxious or excited come 11:00 a.m. at the shower. Actually both of us were early and Cadence had already been into the shower to make sure no one was inside. Bobby was curious to see the outfit that was being given for him to wear. It was a nice feminine outfit; Bobby even appreciated the panties and bra that came with the outfit.

I began calling him Stephanie or Steph from the start. I was surprised as his feminine voice was already very good. I told Steph, "I hope you didn’t mind that I asked Cadence there to help with your hair and makeup. Makeup is frowned upon at Camp, but we hope as a guest, allowances would be given. We were correct. The makeup helped distinguish Steph from Bobby.

Cadence was surprised that Bobby’s note was accepted without question. Steph was nervous that her note and my introducing her to Erin and our group would go without challenge. Steph was changed and ready for makeup and her hair to be brushed out within ten minutes. Cadence and I both noticed her legs and body were all missing hair in all the correct places. Steph assured me her panties were tight and her boy parts were nicely tucked away.

We managed to sneak onto the path from the administration building got passed the dining hall and to our area. Counselor Erin put her best face forward in giving Stephanie attention. Jayne, Shelby and the rest were happy campers in greeting Steph.

We did not understand Steph’s attraction to Lenny come lunchtime until it came time for riding horses at 2:00 p.m. Lenny had been riding the same horse as Bobby and he was interested as Steph to ride the same horse. It was funny to watch Steph use her charm to get Lenny to agree to ride a different horse. Fortunately or unfortunately Steph had to promise to sit with Lenny at the cookout. It meant for sure that Steph would be there for the night.

Cadence had written a phone message that Bobby would not be back until morning. It was interesting and lucky that allowances were given to Stephanie and Bobby. They should have been checked more closely.

Steph’s changing in and out of her swimsuit was the touchiest point of the day. Luckily the girls’ showers and facilities provided for more privacy. The girls were amused with Steph singing in the shower. True to Angie’s word, Steph’s swimsuit was flattering even the top. Lenny continued showing interest in Steph but she had more interest in being one of the girls.

We were not regularly allowed to use our phones but we were allowed to take three pictures each day. The girls never worried or limited themselves to three pictures. We were also quick enough to send messages and pictures. Steph did not know that Angie enjoyed seeing her new sister. There is usually something forgotten in every plan and for Steph and us it was a nightshirt and a sleeping bag.

Ironically Kevin the counselor at Bobby’s hut volunteered the use of Bobby’s sleeping bag. Before Stephanie could use it Shelby sprayed the bedroll with perfume to help Steph. Steph whispered to me, “Come tomorrow night I will enjoy the sleeping bag again, please thank her.”

When we girls made our way up our tree hut; the time-honored tradition of girls painting nails began. Regan spoke up and asked, “Steph does this mean you will be staying a girl for the rest of the camp?” Only Cadence, Bobby and I really caught what she said.

I am sure Shelby and Jayne assumed she meant and was asking if Steph was staying the rest of the week. Shelby told a story, “I went to a camp last year where a brother was forced to be a girl camper the rest of the summer because of mischief he got caught doing.” Steph was now nervous she could be in trouble.

Shelby was the last to figure out what Regan was asking was true about Steph. Finally, Regan spoke up. “Two things: Steph didn’t do this without help. I want to know who and if Steph really enjoys being a girl? Second, if everyone agrees to keep the secret; Erin’s the one who can’t know.”

Cadence took responsibility for Bobby becoming Stephanie. When Steph broke down and cried everyone surrounded her and gave her a hug. We stayed up until Erin showed up at midnight. Regan was the one who decided we would help Steph take off her nail polish before swimming in the morning. “Hopefully the water of the lake will take away the smell of the polish. Then Steph could change back after the shower things should be safe once again.”

Swimming and the shower also helped Bobby to get his hair to cooperate with the changeover. Thursday evening was skit night and our group decided to surprise Bobby. We decided to re-enact the Bible story of the woman at the well. Cadence justified using Bobby by saying, “Boys don’t understand the predicament of the woman, because women get judged even though men were also involved. We’re sorry to pick on you Bobby, but it’s important to us that some understand the woman’s point of view.”

Cadence had taken my skirt and blouse that I was saving for the dance the next night. Bobby resisted a little knowing the other boys would insist it be him instead of any of them. Cadence, Regan, and I helped to dress Bobby as the woman. One pastor objected until others told him it wasn’t new; similar things happened for fun most years.

We did not get more elaborate in dressing up Bobby, and we worked to make sure he did not look identical to Steph. He did have lip-gloss and his fingers were done in a pretty pink. The skit and our interpretation was a hit and most everyone thought Bobby was cute. More were upset that Cadence played Jesus. They were upset because a girl should not play Jesus. Cadence seemingly is no shrinking violet. “This stinks,” she said, “My Mom said I was the Baby Jesus when I was a baby because the youngest boy was two years old.”

“I have a strong faith but I get upset when a Church says they love women and want youth in the church. Then you get upset with me because I think Jesus is real and I like playing him.” Quite a few people mostly campers and women thanked Cadence for speaking up.

The Pastor who was upset with Bobby being dressed as the woman at the well became rude when he saw us after the program. “Cadence being Jesus was way out of line.” He didn’t know what to make of it when instead of arguing with him; we just walked away. We said things between us after we walked away.

Bobby had decided to wear his skit outfit until he went back to his hut. I quietly gave him his underpants afraid the boys would tease or worse if they saw him wearing panties. He complimented and thanked us for including him in the skit. He thanked me Friday morning in the morning for the panties. He had returned everything but the panties for which we were both grateful. He gave me his phone number and email address saying Steph wanted to visit with me.

The hardest thing for me on Friday was to say goodbye to Velvet, the horse I rode that week as well as last year. Faith walked up behind me as I was with Velvet. Faith whispered, “Is she the first one to know you were a girl?”

I turn so I could hug my sister as I pat Velvet. With a giggle in my voice, “She’s not the first, but animals are good to share secrets with. Velvet was the first one I could stand up and tell eye to eye.”

Faith and I sat and visited each missing the next activity. Faith asked, “Janelle, are you comfortable being a girl?” I thought it was a silly question at first, especially having gone through my first period. ‘Of course, I am; I have to be, don’t I?’ I began to think: ‘About how I felt about being Janelle.’ “Well you know I am very happy about being a Grant and having a family. Mom, Joy and you help me in being a girl; making sure I enjoy it without getting too serious.”

“I am not as comfortable with liking boys as everyone thinks.” I pause and look intentionally for her reaction as I say, “I am worried that I am too comfortable being around girls and what it says about me.”

Faith giggled, “Joy and I wondered about that but we’re not sure why. Do you see yourself as Ronnie looking at boys? Sis thinks you don’t understand that friendship and love between girls is different. We’re not afraid to love a girlfriend, but it usually isn’t about sex. We would love to talk about these things with you but you seem scared sometimes about being a girl. I mean a woman.”

She says, “It might not be fair that you are so quickly becoming a woman. Joy reminds me, it probably didn’t start just months ago. I love you Sis and I hope you can talk to me about things more like we’re doing now.”

I confessed to Faith, “Having Lacy and now Cadence as girlfriends are hard because I find I love them. It hasn’t been about sex yet it's more intense than I have experienced. I’ve been afraid that Cadence would kiss me and I might kiss her back.”

Faith, “Don’t panic if it happens, she too has feelings. What if, she would be affectionate to you? I don’t think I’m a lesbian but I can see it being easier to love another girl at times. I know Joy took you over to one of the sorority houses at the college. Brainy Joy finds she is more comfortable being a smart person when she's around other women. They see her as an equal and aren’t threatened by her.”

Nurse Paula came looking us; “Are you two okay?” “Then I’ll ask you to get back to your regular activities.” Paula asked me as we walked back, “Do you want to talk with me?”

“No, actually it was really nice to talk through things with my sister.” We both smiled. She looked at me again, “You know there is a rumor among a few girls that some of you dressed a boy as a girl the other day.”

“I would think it be next to impossible to do something like that and not get caught. Was the boy harmed or brutally force, do you know,” I asked?

Nurse Paula paused as we were ready to go in different directions; “No boy seems to have been harmed. If I thought any force or abuse occurred I would be digging into things more vigorously. But Sharon, the Waterfront Director said there was a day guest the other day. She thought the girl’s name was Stephanie. Sharon said she was in your hut and was warmly received.”

“You don’t think she was really a boy, do you? If she was, she had me fooled.” I was sure denying to have been with Steph would have only caused trouble.

Girls at another campsite entertained three boys by painting their nails during the quiet time after lunch. It became the buzz of the camp during the afternoon. It was a common practice at craft time on the last day that girls finished with their craft projects could paint their nails in preparation of going home the following morning. Many girls had brought to camp blue, green and yellow polish, the camp colors.

It wasn’t unheard of that a boy or two had their nails done; this year there were probably twenty of the thirty-six boys who had their nails polished. I did three of them but only one was done in blue and yellow. Since we were the last group to crafts they couldn’t blame us for starting it.

Sharon was being very nice to Cadence and me and invited us to paddle out into the lake. “I was on staff at another camp last year, where they disciplined a boy who caused trouble by making him attend the rest of the camp as another girl camper. Someone thought that Stephanie the other day might have really been a boy. She was much too refined and convincing for me to have thought so.”

Sharon paddled farther out on the lake with Cadence and me, further out on the lake than we could have gone without staff. “I just want you two to understand there could be ramifications for camp staff that would cost us jobs.” Then she asked, “Off the record, do either of you think Bobby is possibly transgendered?”

“Bobby Mitchell, you think he might be trans… whatever,” Cadence said.

“There are three Bobs at camp, I didn’t say Bobby Mitchell.”

“If he is, he would have my help if he wanted it.” I looked Sharon directly in the eyes and said, “I am saying something confidentially?” When given permission, I said, “Cadence and my sister are the only ones here who know I use to be identified as Ronnie Hammers. I attended camp as Ronnie last year. I won’t tell anyone else’s story, but if something happened for someone who was transgendered and it was healthy I’m all for it.”

It was no problem to see that Sharon was shocked about my personal revelation. She was however pleased and comfortable with me. The three of us visited until we had to go in for supper. Sharon and Cadence asked many questions about how I came to believe I was a girl and how it has changed my life. “I am sure no one sought to endanger someone’s job, but I really doubt people figured out anything until it was over.”

Three girls, we knew of had given boy campers the top of their two-piece swimsuit to wear. They were worn under their camp shirts for the closing program Friday night. Thankfully those guys knew enough to shake hands with most people they greeted that night.

Come Saturday after breakfast, six girls had boys helping to bring their stuff up to the Rec Center where parents picked campers up to go home. A number of the boys were still wearing fingernail polish. Since each of the guys said they had a great time, their parents weren’t complaining.

Bobby was all smiles as his sister and Mom arrived at camp to pick him up. He was verbally saying goodbye to most of the campers. When he came up to give me a hug I knew why. He had talked a girl into selling the top of her swimsuit and he was going to wear it home. I suggested Bobby should give Nurse Paula and Sharon a hug before he left.

Anyone within ten feet could hear Bobby tell both of them as he gave them a hug. “I want to thank you for helping me to have such a good time.” Before he got to their car his Mom said, “You haven’t given me a hug like that.”

Bobby did give his Mom a big hug and with that, she turned to Angie, “Did you know?” Then she turned to Bobby, “Now get in the front seat and tell me everything you really enjoyed about camp this year?” Bobby did as he was told as Angie said, “Mom already knew.”

Mom and Joy came to pick us up and Cadence’s parents arrived just before them. Joy quickly told me their arrival together was on purpose. Nurse Paula had called Dr. Grant, Grandma, about her granddaughter practicing psychology trying to help a boy who might be transgendered.

Nurse Paula and Sharon the Waterfront Director met informally with both families. Mr. Rawlings knew something about Bobby but it was in the past that he wouldn’t share. He was anxious to hear how Bobby was upon leaving this morning.

Nurse Paula remarked that my parents should have informed them that I had been a boy. Mr. Rawlings speaking up might have been the most helpful in resolving matters. “I have been fairly up to date on Miss Jan Grant’s situation. It is my understanding that she is, in fact, a girl and shouldn’t be put under a microscope questioning otherwise. My daughter has been at this camp and I am very comfortable if they have become friends.”

The Rawlings held their composure as Sharon explained, “Cadence might have helped Jan dress one of the boys as a girl.”

Cadence asked, “Mom and Dad can we meet alone with the Grants.” There we explained, “A boy did change and I (Jan) had the clothes he changed into. We never saw him undress or helped him change unless helping with makeup and his hair counts. We won’t tell the camp whom it was, nor information that might help them to know.” I said, “Mr. and Mrs. Rawlings, Cadence didn’t know beforehand what I was doing. She only helped so the boy and I didn’t get in trouble.”

Everyone was back talking together and my Mom spoke up, “I think the best we can do is to say we will get to the bottom of things at home and discipline them accordingly. We’re pretty sure there were no improprieties, but there will be consequences for what was done.”

“Dr. Grant told me she was sure you would figure out how to handle. Ms. Jones and I just wanted you to know and hoped you would handle things. Unless the Camp has problems from the boy’s parents this should be sufficient.”

Sharon asked me as we began to walk away, “Did you suggest to Bobby to say goodbye to us with a hug?”

I said, “I’m not telling.” Cadence said, “Bobby who?”

We stopped at a restaurant on the way home, even though Faith and I weren’t really hungry. The Rawlings also stopped and Cadence pointed out that Bobby Mitchell’s car was already there.

Mr. Rawlings said, “I have a reservation and at least four should already be here.” I can’t say I was fully surprised to see Dad and Grandma Grant. They were sitting at a table with the Mitchell’s away from others, in a section only we were using.

Dad gave me a hug and whispered, “Don’t be afraid, just think before you speak and above anything else don’t lie.”

Mrs. Mitchell looks to me, “Bobby says, I have you to thank for helping him. I also know Angie was in on part of it.”

“Mrs. Mitchell, I know you are probably very surprised, but I hope you aren’t mad… I mean angry with Bobby. He didn’t plan anything at camp, but I did already believe he was a girl.” Bobby must have been to the girl’s room as he had a blouse on and his hair was brushed out and he was looking like Stephanie again.

“I am not angry with him nor you; I guess I put him into some kind of predicament and something was going to happen. I'm glad no one is in trouble and no one got hurt. Dr. Grant says a lot of these things come out with someone being hurt and in trouble.”

“Bobby says he likes the name Stephanie, you gave him. I think it is a pretty name for her.”

Dad spoke up, “It took a while for all of you to get here, and does that mean you got into some trouble at Camp?”

“A couple of people there knew something happened and were fairly sure two of our girls were involved. But they will let us get to the bottom of things and hold the girls accountable at our discretion.” Mr. Rawlings turned to Bobby, “Well young lady are you happy with how things went this week?”

Everyone got quiet until Grandma suggested we just talk about camp. We ordered lunch and it wasn’t until lunch was served that Steph was comfortable with her voice and being a girl. I hadn’t noticed but Mrs. Rawlings gave Cadence a larger bag for when we went with Steph to the girl’s room. There was a pair of girl’s shorts and sandals for Steph to wear home.

When we got back to the table, Mom pushed an envelope over to Stephanie. “You might want to consider sharing part of that with your sister. Then again if you come with your sister, I might just let her get an outfit or two above that.”

“You can’t do that you have a business to run,” Mrs. Mitchell said apologetically.

“If I get two customers coming back I will have made a wise investment.” Steph was so precious in saying thank you; I knew Mom already felt even.

Mr. Rawlings said, “Steph if you ever need a dad to talk with I will try to do the best I can. And if things ever get too much, I want you to promise to call me.”

Before we got into our cars to go home, I went to Cadence to give her a hug. She was surprised and gave me a kiss and then apologized. I knew she was embarrassed, but I also knew she meant to kiss me. I gave her a second hug. “Don’t be sorry, we’ve become special friends. We should talk soon.”

To be continued…

Janelle wasn’t home yet before she was texting and talking to Lace as well as Cadence. Lace was excited about Jan’s news of her having a period while at camp. Janelle's not at all happy about the mess she had to deal with, how she felt or the problem of smelling fresh. Lace said, "They were things a girl learns to manage." But when Jan asked how, Lace said, “A girl just does.” “You’re no help,” Jan griped back!

Jan didn’t tell Lace about Bobby, though she and Cadence were talking about asking Steph to go shopping the next day. Either Bobby would go and window shop with them or Steph could go real shopping and they would help her. Cadence and Jan each had half of a grandma gift they were willing to spend on Stephanie. Stephanie also has a gift certificate from Hannah's Shoppe.

Cadence stopped talking at one point; having she finally fallen asleep on the way home from camp. Jan was determined to make it until her regular bedtime before she fell asleep. Cadence later apologizes, “I am sorry for kissing you, Janelle.”

“Do you mean you didn’t mean too or you don’t really like me,” Jan asked back? Jan knew she was being difficult, but felt that way she’d get an answer or they would have to talk about it sometime. “I thought we were to be best friends?”

“Yes,” Cadence replied, “I want to be best friends, but I didn’t plan to kiss you and I was afraid you might take it wrong.”

“It surprised me too,” admitted Janelle, “Joy says it sometimes happens between girls. She said it takes time to know what it means.”

Cadence had already been told by her parents, 'You aren’t going to be a lesbian and accidents like that weren’t going to be allowed.' "My Mom and Dad think that I am pretty young to be getting serious, and I shouldn’t be surprised if they try to make sure I don’t get emotionally or sexually involved with anyone. Though they know that is easier said than done."

I’m thinking, ‘Joyce and Mom understand both sides and encourage me to take time to figure out who I am.’

We have since gotten home; Faith and I unload all our clothes everything washing. We were going to hang out our sleeping bags to air out. I decided mine needed to be washed before it was suitable for hanging outdoors. Josh, who lives a few houses away came over and wants to follow Faith like a puppy dog. She’s amused as she does like him.

It was 7:30 in the evening when Mom answered the phone and told me Bobby was calling. I was ready to fall asleep but this was too exciting. I had no trouble staying awake. “Hi Bobby, how are you doing?”

It was Stephanie’s voice I heard, “I’m sorry, but I was hoping I could talk with you.”

“Yes, yes! I am glad you called; Mom just said it was Bobby.” Steph relaxed and was very happy we could talk.

“My Mommy and I aren’t sure about me being Steph full-time yet; I hope you’re not disappointed. My sister Angie said I should still go shopping and get some things that will be mine that I can wear. I was calling to see if maybe I could go with you and Cadence.”

“I am sure both Cadence and I would be excited to go shopping with you, however, you’re comfortable.”

Steph asked, “Do you think anyone will give me any problems if they recognize me?”

My sister Joy was standing close by and I was getting uncomfortable talking to Steph without seeing her. I asked him/her, “Would it be okay if Joyce and I came over to your house so we could talk?”

Stephanie needed to fix herself up, “Please give me until 8:15 so I’ll be presentable.” Angie had given Stephanie some of her old clothes. Stephanie had selected a cute combination from that to wear for our visit. There was a combination of awkwardness and finesse about her demeanor; I knew that feeling. I still feel it happens way all too often, four months and one thing I would be totally a girl.

Mrs. Mitchell left us to talk, but Angie was definitely been there as her ‘big sister’. We first talked about shopping and planned to go Wednesday when Angie was not scheduled to work. We agree to go to Mom’s store early and then to go to a mall some thirty miles away. It would limit the number of people we would meet. We did warn Stephanie that Rachel might be working at the store; she is from the same area of Central City where the Mitchells live.

I had worked Monday and Tuesday so I could have the day to be with Stephanie and Cadence as well as our sisters. Come early Wednesday, Mom was already at work. Cadence too has an older sister the same age as Joy. We would meet them, the Rawlings girls, at the shop and we would ride with Steph and Angie.

Steph looked fairly good when she came to our house except Angie allowed her to wear too much makeup. I was thankful that Joy and Faith were the ones to tell Steph and help her. Angie doesn’t wear makeup often so the problem was a bit understandable. Steph wanted Joy just to do her makeup. Sis insisted, "Steph, you need to learn if you're serious about being a girl."

While her purse was okay but it just had a few things to throw into it as well as well. It kind of looks like a discarded purse, so I used leather soap to clean the outside of it. Faith arranged the inside better adding a compact mirror, an extra comb, tissues, etc.

We were a bit late in getting to the dress shop but Steph looked all ‘girl’ with no trace of Bobby. Rachel knew Angie, and Stephanie was introduced as a cousin for now. Rachel enjoyed as Stephanie acted like a little girl in a candy store.

Rachel knows both fashion and the clothes in Mom’s store. When Steph liked a sundress that she looked just alright in; Rachel showed her another sundress. Its colors and the cut of the dress were very good for Stephanie. It would be her first store-bought dress just for her. I knew the elated feeling.

Mom wished they didn’t feel the need to buy more clothes at her shop but she was pretty sure their mother insisted on it. They didn’t spend their money unwisely and they were very happy with everything they bought. Mom was giving them an extra discount as well, though I'm not sure they noticed. When Stephanie picked a hip-hugging skirt, I realized for the first time her hips were already more like a regular girl.

Cadence and her sister Marcia were shopping as well as enjoying Stephanie. Marcia’s a jewelry junkie so it was no surprise when she spotted a pretty ring that she thought Stephanie needed it. She did choose well and since it was a gift from the Rawlings, Stephanie was extra glad to receive it.

We got to Otter Creek Mall in time to eat at the food court and give Stephanie her first taste at boy watching, as well as being watched. Wearing her new skirt that hugged her hips and legs; it was not lost on the boys when she dipped to pick up her wrapper. Steph insisted she was not interested in the boys watching her. If she believed what she said she would be in a group of one.

Angie insisted that her sister Stephanie be fitted for a bra at Victoria’s which could only mean she was already wearing breast forms. Things were going quite well when the salesgirl touched under Steph’s underarm as she measured her. Steph’s surprised laugh was unmistakably that of a boy. Tricia the salesgirl handled things quite well assuring Steph, “I am sorry, but please don’t be embarrassed. By the time you select which of these bras you would like to buy, the shoppers will have changed and no one will pick you out as being anything but the beautiful young woman I see.”

The salesgirl did ask if Stephanie had seen any panties she likes; she had gotten two of the panties and given them to Stephanie as a gift from the store. Angie was to go in and see her sister making sure the bra fit correctly. I was surprised but delighted when Angie insisted I go in instead.

We had a delightful time after that helping Stephanie to select other panties, pantyhose, and two more bras. Joy had the pleasure of setting Steph up with a cosmetician at the department store. She did get a few cosmetics and even more samples but even more help in knowing what looked good on her. The big benefit was to get a professional to help select Stephanie’s best colors and showing her how to apply her makeup.

The woman knew her stuff as well as being a good saleswoman. She picked out colors for Marcia and me that were better than what we were wearing. Needless to say, we also bought several cosmetic items. The cars were nicely stuffed, mostly with Stephanie's things.

Everyone met at our house and Mrs. Mitchell came over after she got off from work. We had Stephanie changed and ready to model her first outfit when our Moms arrived. Steph was modeling when Lacy came into the house unannounced as is her habit. “Wow don’t you look pretty, you must be Stephanie.” I slid down in my seat waiting for things to explode.

Steph impressed me, “I’m happy that you find me pretty. I guess we should have taken you shopping with us.” Stephanie looked straight at Lacy, “I don’t know if you recognize me but I’m Bobby Mitchell. I come into Johnny’s where you're the waitress.”

Lacy’s eyes opened wide as she looked and then gave Steph a hug, “I thought you were a sweet guy, but I didn’t think of it in these terms.”

“Janelle, what did Bobby… I mean Steph get caught doing was it at Mrs. Grant’s store too?” Bobby didn’t know much of my story. Everyone in my family laughed.

I heard Joy talking to Angie, “It will happen that people realize Stephanie is Bobby at inopportune times. Jan has told me it might be rougher for Steph since the transition is happening in the same neighborhood where he grew up.”

Angie said, “Well Bobby isn’t sure if he really wants to be Steph; he thinks he might decide to be just Bobby. And Mom and I think he will be content with the clothes and experience he got today.”

Joy said, “If he’s a cross-dresser that may be possible, but look at Steph and then tell me, is that your brother or your sister?” Joyce gave her a moment to really look. “I’m not sure if Bobby has a choice. After Jan started living as Janelle it became apparent to Jan and us much more of Janelle was inside her. It really isn’t a decision if he wanted to be a girl or not.”

Angie confessed, “Much of what I’ve read kind of says the same thing. I don’t mean to sound ignorant but you and others, as well as the professionals, are going to be very helpful to us.”

I don’t know if Mom’s discussion with Joan Mitchell is along the same line, but I can see Mrs. Mitchell is thanking Mom for something. It might just be the gift certificates and discounts, but I don’t think so.

It was a week later that the first incident happened. I was going over to Bobby’s, “Hey Ronnie Hammer, are you over to help that shrinking violet along?” I couldn’t remember the last time I was called a “Hammer”. ‘Stick’ and another punk, Jamison, cut me off. I had ridden my 18-speed bike over and they pulled in front of me with Stick’s car. I felt a bit vulnerable with neither Angie nor Mrs. Mitchell’s knowing Bobby and I were out front.

I am sure Bobby wished he could just turn around and go in the house or come over and defend me physically. Stick and Jamison are taller than us but not rugged nor tough guys by any definition. But there were two other guys at the end of the block and neither of us was sure if they were back-up or not. Definitely, they weren’t on our side.

I was off my bike making my way around the car when Stick put his car in reverse. It could have been worse but I let go of my bicycle and it was his second effort that knocked my bicycle down and damaged it. Jamison was out of the car coming back, “Hey, B**h what are you going to do about it?”

I had already snapped one picture with my phone. I suggested he look at the damage and when he did I got another picture with him and the license plate of the car. “Thanks, jerk.” When he straightened up and stepped toward me I was more than a bit scared, but I hid that with a snide remark.

The car running over the bike had gotten a few neighbors out to see what was happening. When Jamison slapped me across the face a woman yelled at him. Some man yelled, “What did they think would happen when they came out as they did. He’s just being a real guy.”

I had grabbed Jamison’s hand and returned his slap with a slap and a push back. Then there were sirens and Jamison jumped back into the car. They tried to drive away but a pedal of the bicycle was caught under the car.

The man, who had been negative toward us, actually spoke up for the guys. “Officer, I hope you aren’t going to come down on the boys and let these people dictate what becomes of our neighborhood.” The officer tapped his shoulder to activate his talking to a dispatcher. “Please send another officer here, thanks...” He gave the code numbers or whatever, stuff I don’t understand.

It was the first of several incidents. The good thing was the Mitchells and Bobby were well respected by most of their neighbors. Several neighbors saw Bobby as Steph as something they had expected for years. Two neighbors were vocally and visibly supportive. “Bobby’s always been sensitive and good,” one woman told me. “He stopped playing with his friends and became a loner. He wasn’t into the rough stuff the boys like and the girls liked him but when those his own age were blossoming and they went their own way.”

One of his neighbors actually sought me out at Mom’s shop and asked me. “I would kind of like Bobby or what’s her name stop and talk to me sometimes. I would like to see her if she wouldn’t mind.” She asked me, of Bobby’s name is Stephanie.

“It would be nice if you went over there sometime and ask her yourself. Maybe you could take something simple like some cookies, a scarf or something.”

She found a nice necklace in the store. “Do you think she would like this? She does have a delicate side if I’ve seen her right.”

I smiled, the woman had seen Steph right. “I did not mean for you to buy her something here.” She purchased the necklace and I wrapped it for her. “I think this will be something she likes. If she’s like me she will treasure it.”

She asked, “Is it true that you were Ronnie? I’ve researched a little about transgender girls and as it says, you are very different from the boy you were. It seems unusual I’ve gone over forty years not knowing one and two of you lived relatively close. I never expected I would be a friend, but now I am glad I am,” she said. I thanked her.

Cadence had warmed up to me as a friend again, “Dad said he was sorry that he got a little too protective. I guess one of his sisters my Aunt Meg spoke to him as well as my mom. I really like the friends we became at camp.”

Cadence and Lace were coming over for an overnight; we weren’t going to invite Steph until Regan from Camp called. She would be in town and when Cadence invited her she insisted Stephanie come too. She did not yet know that Bobby was becoming Steph more and more.”

It meant as far as Mom knew Steph wouldn’t be changing with us. It was a neat night. It took a very long time for Steph’s boy parts to get aroused for being around four other girls. But I remembered a similar occasion for me and when we were alone I suggested, “If you’re like me that might be another confirmation that Stephanie is really you.”

Steph agreed, “With the flack, I get for being girly I sometimes wish it weren’t true. Tonight more than makes up for it though.” If anything Steph was having more and more trouble with keeping Bobby’s voice and mannerisms when she changed back to Bobby.

Immersing Bobby as Steph was good. We went to the strip-mall nearby the next day Johnny saw me and wanted to go out that night. I insisted a number of guys come so the whole group could go out. We went bowling and a cousin of Johnny’s was kind of paired with Steph. Strange enough Martin changed with the cousin and he and Steph had a good time. While others went to their own home, Steph was staying at our house for the weekend. That allowed me to see Steph kiss her first boy as a date.

Joyce saw us come home and she giggled, “What is it about T-girls that attracts boys?”

Steph said, “It just happened. It doesn’t mean I like boys.”

Joy and then Mom giggle, “We’ve heard that before and we don’t believe it.” I giggled as I knew Steph wouldn’t change their minds.

Tonight, Mom had Steph stay in the guest room that was becoming my room and I slept back in with Joyce.

I hadn’t realized it but Joyce had spent two nights over at the college with Jamie and friends. When I asked what happened, Joyce set me straight. “It isn’t about sex, but being with other women that are smart and have more to them then estrogen and vaginas; part of the time was working on my summer project for the university.”

I guess I was supposed to ask about the other time. Joy smiled, “Jamie wanted me to meet someone who was a freshmyn last year. I think it’s more friendship than romance, but I really like her. Like me, she likes athletics almost as much as she likes learning. We didn’t get any more involved than sleeping together.”

I asked her about Rick. She said, “I hope we're still going to be friends, but this might be my last year in high school. I’m not even sure if I’ll get past the first half of the year. The hard part would be if I’ll go to a better university come a year from now. So things with Rick would be coming to an end anyway.”

“What would make you want to break your plans and leave the friends you wanted to stay and graduate with,” I asked?

She said, “You, you're daring to risk and stretch to know who you are for one! You have come in like a breath of fresh air. I had become complacent with a slower rate of growth. Adrienne touched my heart and I feel more like a young woman reaching to find my place among other women who are my peers.”

“It is not to put down the high school experience, I’ll miss that but it’s coming to an end, the way I see myself.”

“So how does Adrienne come into this,” I said. I was sure there was more.

“Well she’s only two years ahead of me in age; she’s very intelligent but I should be ahead of her. If I were to find myself in love with her; I would want to be in graduate school at the same time. I want to reach for my potential and not be in her or anyone’s shadow.”

I don’t fully understand Joy’s thinking as she often goes past my understanding. But it’s the joy on her face that causes me to be sure it is a healthy move in her life. I do like the fact she would probably be at the university here at least to the fall of next year.

Mom wakes me early for the summer, come Monday of the new week. “Let’s you and me go and get breakfast this morning.” Much of it was to listen and make sure she knew me and how I'm doing. Before breakfast, we walked along the river walk at a nearby park. I didn’t realize a national park and the awesome beauty of nature was so close.

“We will be going on vacation before school starts. Our family is close but it doesn’t just happen. I’m not sure how comfortable you are relaxing and just enjoying simple things.

Changing the subject she said, “Everything has been finalized and you can officially become a Grant next week.”

Mom is beginning to weep as she takes hold of me with a warm embrace. “Janelle, your journey has become like birthing my third daughter. Your period indicates your body is now fully that of a young woman…”

I’m quickly scared that Mrs. Grant is going to say, ‘I’m big enough I can be out on my own.’ “But I need a mom and a family to help me grow up. I’m scared ‘cause Joy’s going to focus more on college.”

“That’s why I wanted you and me to get away together. I know you’re older than Faith, but she grew up a girl. I won’t speak down to you or treat you like a little girl especially around others. However, I want you to be like a young girl to me where a daughter needs to talk to her mommy and a teen girl needs to confide in her mother.”

“Thanks, Mom, I was scared that you thought I was too big or getting to be too much trouble and I should be on my own.”

Mom embraced me, “I guess it’s going to take a while for you to understand and accept that you’re part of this family. You’re never going to stop being my daughter. You will become my adult daughter, but as you should be.” Mom kissed my forehead and cheeks; I guess it was her way of smothering me…

To be continued…

I, Janelle, was up eating breakfast at eight when Lacy stopped which wasn’t a surprise but Cadence stopping by ten minutes later was. Mom cooked each of them a waffle before heading off to the shoppe. “Mrs. Grant, can Jan go river walking with us at Timber Hills National Park?”

We’ll wear swimsuits under our shorts and tops so we can sun at the lake after the walk. Seemingly Cadence knew a group of college guys would be there as well. I wore a pair of cross-trainers that Joy had. The river water coming from the hills and mountains are very cold but we soon got used to it.

The guys who were ahead of us stopped so we would either walk with them or in front of them. Either way, they thought we beautified the scenery, their words not mine. It is strange to me having someone older interested in me. As a guy, I was interested in girls my age or younger, though I did look.

When we got to a deep area in the river Cadence, Lacy and I were soon upon the shoulders of guys having chicken fights. Lacy and her guy won the first match and could have won the rest except Cadence and I had our guys teamed up against them. Everyone won at least one bout before we continue the walk. We made it a mile and we threw several pieces of junk and debris out of the river and upon the bank where it could be collected later.

Over at the lake shore, the college group was having a cookout that we were now invited to. Stripping down out of my shorts and top brought back memories to when I would watch girls do the same. It sometimes feels very uncomfortable especially when someone creep is watching. Today was nice as I liked Buzz who was giving me extra attention. He’s a sophomore, who years earlier has quit wearing the buzz cut from where he got his nickname. He’s just over 6’ and is in good shape. He plays in the secondary on defense and has a good chance of playing on their varsity team. Someone told me he was also on the Dean’s honor roll at Prizo University. It’s not Heartland University in Central City but a rival college sixty miles in the other direction from the national park.

I hope that distance might make him acceptable to my parents. He’s four years older than me, which is too old to date according to my mom. The guys thought we were probably at least juniors. Finding out we were just entering high school cooled their interest. That was unfortunate because we were warming up to them.

When some women from their college stopped by; they hassled the guys for hitting on us. Tammy one of the women warmed up to us and helped us to feel comfortable in just being there. I wasn’t sure if Tammy knew my sister Joyce or just knew of her. She said, “It probably felt pretty good being noticed on your own without your sister around?”

She was right, it’s also hard because Joy can relate to guys four to six years older and Mom’s reasonably comfortable. “Don’t be too quick to match up with college guys like this. These guys are probably harmless as long as they’re not drinking or doing something else.”

Lace thought and shared, “How do we know you’re not jealous or trying to get rid of us?”

Another woman laughed, “Because either we’d claw and scratch out your eyes, or pick the guys we wanted and thrown over to you the Grubs.” I think her words were a mix of humor and being half serious. Tammy whispered to me, “Or we might have been interested in you for ourselves.”

When we got home and I shared with Joyce about who we met, she said, “Tammy’s probably the one I’ve met when she has visited at the university this past spring. You might have been lucky that the guys were around or she might have put a move on you. Word is she prefers younger women.”

Timber Hills is a unique park; much of it had been overworked by logging companies. It has been in the national park system some fifty years, yet there are still remnants of old logging camps or where someone might have lived that are not on the Park maps. Covering some 133,000 acres it is a treasure and a nice getaway. We camped out overnight in one of the campsite’s raised huts. It was nothing fancy but the gravity fed shower was welcome. Instead of doing nails that would have attracted bugs we check each other’s hair and bodies for unwanted ticks or signs of poison ivy.

Cadence was thrilled that she found a little critter down on my buns that I wouldn’t have found. I found one tick bug in Lace’s hair. More amazing was just to look closely at her and Cadence’s bodies. Cadence had me lying on my stomach when she gently kissed the top the top of my leg on the inside. I had not known how sensitive that area was or that it could feel so sensual. Lace took to sitting on me as they became enamored with my body. I guess none of us knew it could take me all the way to a small orgasm.

To add to their pleasure they threw me back into the cold water of the shower. They took to helping me to dry off but stopped before the process repeated itself. With the side shades down, and the roof open, we were able to sleep under the open sky.

Once during the night, I rolled toward Lace and she brought my hand to feel her breast. I was drawn like a bee to her nectar as she finally brought my head to her nipples. I tried to resist but she held my head there and kissed the top of my head. Finally, she turned toward me whispering, “You need to suck on my other breast.” I don’t remember when I fell asleep again. Cadence was amused that Lace and I were twined together in the morning.

We talked at breakfast about the possibility of doing things as a group like going to the movies and whatever with guys. Then it wouldn’t be a problem if someone was dating exclusively but we could be in the larger group. Cadence said, “It looks like we can even get serious about each other but hopefully we will have a group to be part of. Even if we fall away or need space from one romantically our friendship could still hold together.” It was interesting as we talked about last night and as we walked the trails together.

Before we got on the trails a Ranger told us, “Some people running from authorities in upstate New York were sighted some seventy miles away yesterday. While it is not expected they are coming in this direction, we felt a need to warn you in case you would come in contact with strangers.” He even showed us pictures of the guys.

We had hiked out almost an hour and a half and just we started back. We had gone a good distance cutting across timber to join another trail further into the forest. My brother and I had been up here for a week just a year ago for vacation as my then mom was staying away from some people and was tired of watching us. We weren’t supposed to but we shadowed other hikers and met two guys who said they were homeless Vets. Over the week traded food and water for help in seeing the park. They were old guys from Viet Nam.

Someone told me old was WWII or Korea. ‘Dah, Viet Nam was ancient to us.’ We were higher up and the trail wound back and forth. We looked down the mountain searching for a trail to cut down to. We found the trail by looking for walkers. One couldn’t have been more than thirty feet below us, but there were three grungy guys looking back at us. Lace spoke to what all of us were thinking. “It can’t be them, the Ranger said there were four.”

Cadence joked, “I volunteer you to go down and make sure they’re safe.” Lace joked, “Sorry but I’m not into the grunge look.” The guys called to us and said, “Wait there we want to talk.” One thing we weren’t doing was waiting around to talk.

We hurried back to where the trail turned up the mountainside; I convince Lace and Cadence we should hide off the trail. I knew if we made our way to the creek at the base of the hill we could follow it back to the camp area. Lace’s phone wasn’t working anywhere in the park. Cadence was ready to call her father if the guys reached our trail and got off it where we did.

The good news was two guys continued up the trail; the bad news is there were four and two stayed close to where we left the trail. We could try to get to the lower trail and to stay ahead of the men or make our way to the creek and follow it back to the campgrounds. Cadence has called her father but only got his message machine. 911 sort of understood where we are, but the signal cut out and broke our connection.

I asked Lacy and Cadence to quietly make their way over another 100 feet to hide behind a boulder and I would follow if they were undetected. Lacy had stumbled but it only sounded like a deer in the woods. I was soon with them as we were now below a ridge and out of sight. It took us twenty minutes in a hurry to get down to the creek and begin following north to where it crossed the campgrounds. Five minutes later there was movement behind us that was likely the guys and the sound was growing closer, they were gaining on us.

A lower level of the trail was to our west and there was the sound of two guys coming toward us and now off that trail.

We have two cans of pepper spray but we’d rather they never get that close. But they were getting closer. We crossed the creek, to have it between them and us if they got that close. Lacy pointed to two heads bobbing to the west. It was hard to judge a distance seeing so little. We were now on an incline which meant we were within a mile of the camp. The noise behind us had stopped or at least we couldn’t hear anyone. The guys to our west were traveling faster as they knew where they were going.

“What the f**k are you, girls, doing here?” The words came out of nowhere; there was one of those old vets from Viet Nam.

“Oh, am I glad to see you,” I was quickly hugging the guy who now seemed scared or at least surprised by my actions. “There’re some guys running from the law trying to catch up to us,” I rattled off quicker than he could take it in. Cadence and Lacy were also talking to him.

“Slow down you’re safe,” the guy said. “Rangers called us to help find you.”

Just as we relaxed we heard, “None of you are safe; now don’t do anything foolish.”

The Vet said, “You beat us to it,” the old guy pointed his walking stick at the guys.

They laughed at him showing a gun and saying, “This is loaded.” We heard a shot and dropped to the ground. We heard the guy with the gun moaned, “He shot me.”

“Now punk, drop the gun or you’ll drop dead!” He said to the other thief, “You tie your buddy’s feet with some vine and don’t be stupid enough to reach for the gun or show another one.” The wounded guy is moaning and then crying he needs help. Two Rangers are making their way down to us and two State Troopers are following. Slade runs away with his rifle, “Johnny’s here don’t worry.” With that another, Vet shows himself.

Lacy ask the guy who helped us, “Why didn’t you just ask him to drop the gun?” He replied, “This isn’t
TV. If someone died it would be them.”

He soon left as another appeared and the rifle was gone. He said, “We couldn't let those guys after you get stupid, but none of us can be found with a rifle or a gun.”

The National Park Rangers were now, here, and one says, “Snake, I see you’re back in the country. Thanks for helping these girls out. We got here as fast as we could, but it might not have been soon enough. We appreciate your help.”

A Trooper asked, “Who shot the rifle?” The Ranger replied, “Don’t jump to conclusions, the girls are safe and those two are caught. Let’s celebrate, with any luck two more guys might be tied and packaged somewhere soon.” The Trooper looked back to the Rangers, “The guy standing up to be counted is the Snake, he’s a Viet Nam Vet; usually still in Southeast Asia. He can’t be in our possession or Jersey might request him for past crimes.”

Snake, was new to me, he wasn’t one of the guys I met last year; Slade was. It took a good twenty minutes to get up to the campgrounds; Mr. Rawlings was there to give Cadence a big hug. Lacy and I were soon engulfed into the hug. “Sounds like you girls did well; I’m proud of you.”

My cell phone was ringing, “Hi Mom, yes were safe. We’re with the Park Rangers and Mr. Rawlings is already here. Some Viet Nam Vets helped us, but for some reason, they’re living in the national forest here.” A news crew is there and wanting to make the story about us and the capture of criminals who had avoided law enforcement for three days.

Mr. Rawlings understood we were being quiet, playing dumb about the rifle and how the one guy was shot. Another hour had passed when we heard a message to the Rangers; two more guys were tied up further up the trail. Harvey, the other Vet I knew of from last year, was holding them until authorities got to them.”

It seemed sadly ironic the veterans were again being given little credit for what they did. The rifle used to wound the one fugitive was wanted by some people as much as the guys they captured.

I said, “Aren’t these guys going to at least get some reward for capturing these guys?”

A young Trooper said, “You don’t understand, we don’t want to reward vigilantes, especially if these guys are still playing soldier with loaded rifles.”

Another officer said, “Crime Stoppers might a reward you girls. You could share it with them if you wanted. That would be up to you.”

I walked away muttering, “This is f**ed up.” Mr. Rawlings snickered, but encouraged me, “Try to keep your cool. You can say what you think, but do it so it can be part of the story.”

“If we got our stuff and went home would the news people follow us,” I asked? “Maybe we can think of something by then,” Cadence added. We were glad Mr. Rawlings is a Detective in the police department as we weren’t riding in the back of a marked police car.

It would take a month for the reward money from Crime Stopper to get to us and Labor Day for us to get it to the veterans. For now, I had to choose between going on vacation with my family or with the Rawlings.

I really wanted to relax but ‘no, I had to get school clothes for when we got back and help pack for ten days at the ocean.

Among other things, we painted the guest room just before vacation and changed it to my room. Joy and I would still share the same bathroom. I would miss again not being able to sleep in my own bed.

It was not hard to choose to go with my family. Lacy was coming with us, Mom had already invited her. Mom said, “While you have been around us for several months’ vacations are different.” We had a vacation scheduled for another national park and it would usually be fun. Mom decided neither Lacy, I nor she could relax at a national park this summer. It had been several years since I had more than a day at a time at the beach. I asked Lacy and Joyce, “Are you sure there will be enough to do to interest us at the beach?” They giggled and I didn’t understand.

Mom asked to see our cell phones and confiscated all of them. I guess it’s a tradition for their vacations. It meant getting Mom without distractions or being called away. Since Faith and Joy were okay with it, I was sure I could live with it.

This year’s vacation would be a luxury; the only decent rental Dad and Mom could find was a plush home. The beach was shared with others, but it was marked off to most as a private beach. We would be the only neighbors without some sort of boat in the marina.

The teens and college students on the beach were taken back a little when we showed up. Elizabeth, Deborah, and Caroline, as well as William the Third, were a bit pretentious the first few days. Their swimsuits and beach robes yelled Fifth Avenue. Lacy and I being crime celebrities were actually discounted as there were two guards on watch at the beach most of the time. Joy however impressed the college students. More than one tested her I.Q., but Joy only saw it as a small annoyance.

How the girls of money look in their swimsuits and clothes impressed me. Mom says tailored clothes would do that. The young women all went to a spa at least twice while we were there. Even Joyce was invited once. With the minimum cost starting at a hundred and fifty dollars Joy and Mom would be the only two to go. Grandma Grant was with us the first weekend. She too helped to break the ice for us in being there.

Faith and I got our first golf lessons from a club pro. Heather Cooper was not a golfer I had heard of but she was well thought of and very good from what I could tell. Some men treated her as candy decorations. She almost exclusively gave lessons to women but was often required to shuttle men around if she was free.

Now sporting a bra and the ability to fill B cups, I found it different swinging golf clubs. Heather commented to me, “I see some boy must have shown you how to play golf. You will do better not trying to kill the ball and just making sure you swing all the way through and drive the ball where you want it.” Where Faith improved with the first lesson, it took three lessons before I played a decent round of golf. “Be patient,” Heather explained, “you had to unlearn some bad habits. Now you’re playing a good girls game.”

She realized I thought she was calling me a sissy. After my third session, Heather was off for the rest of the day. She asked, “Would you please walk with me around the walking path.” Finally, I realized, Heather saw me as being an overly tense girl who might have been abused.

Finally, I realized it and I dared to confide in her. “Please don’t tell others, but last year my name was Ronnie. Things are different for me because I use to be a boy.” I was sure if I told her I was a boy early in the spring she would never have believed me. “I’m kind of proud with how much I’ve changed, but activity like golf I'm still not used too.” It finally took Mom visiting with Heather and me to convince Heather. I knew she believed us when she stepped back to size me up, trying to see glimpses of Ronnie still there.

Making friends there was another matter and I wouldn’t be sharing my past with them.

To be continued…

It was nice to get back from vacation, to sleep in my own bed and to go shopping for school. Joy has officially announced, she’ll be attending Central City High School this semester. She will attend full-time at the University for the second semester before she officially enrolls at a university she has yet to choose. Once it was known she was looking to go to college full-time; prestigious schools were recruiting her like she was a star athlete. Not only Schools like MIT, Harvard and Yale and Stanford, but Oxford and other institutions around the world. I didn’t know really intelligent students were wanted so much. I know Joy’s a genius, but it doesn’t think of her that way.

I went over to the University with Joy; she needed to talk to a professor about her summer project. It sounded more like she had to defend her report to prove she did the work and to help one reader to understand it in better depth than he had. Ultimately its grade was a full A instead of an A- or B+. Joyce told me it was the base of some deeper research she wanted to do in the future. The truth was if her theory proved right that it superseded the work of one of her professors.

After, we went to Jamie’s sorority house where Joy felt a need to talk about my encounter with Tammy at Timbers National Park earlier in the summer. Jamie gave me a pair of hot pants to try on. When I did she joked, “It’s good you weren’t wearing them when you met Tammy; knowing her she would have talked you out of them. If you want to be talked out of them, you don’t need to go where Tammy is or wait for her come here. One of us would be glad to do that here.”

I hurried and changed back into my clothes. I wasn’t grossed out by Tammy, Jamie or another girl interested in me, just that I wanted to choose. They weren’t my age so I thought, for now, there wouldn’t be much of a relationship. Joyce later told me, "They weren’t probably thinking about developing a relationship anyway."

While we were there I met Adrienne and noticed Joy cuddling up with her. On the way home, we talked and I asked, “What’s the difference between you cuddling next to Adrienne like you’re her girl and me being teased about Tammy or Sondra there being interested in me?”

“First of all you’re too young and they could get in trouble. Secondly, Adrienne and I were relating as equals; she’s my girlfriend and I’m not her a possession. You’ve gotten boys to ask you out and even Cadence has some interest as a romantic girlfriend. You however still have thoughts and feeling that change too much with the wind or mood you have.”

“Don’t get me wrong Jan; I think you’ve grown a lot. When Mom caught you stealing, you were desperate for a family who cared about you. You wanted friends and sisters but you really didn’t know what it took to be one. You’d say yes if you thought that was what you should say. Your sense of love and trust was that you had nothing to lose and everything to gain.”

“You seem naturally to be a girl, but, and I don’t mean this as a put-down: you’re more like a little girl who doesn’t understand what it means to be a maturing young woman.”

“I do too,” I was now angry! Two blocks from home, Joy stops at a park and we walk. She knows if she stops and walks with me that I can hold her hand or feel a hug if needed, I’m more receptive. She’s right, I’m still too much like a boy in a girl’s body, measuring maturity by the fact my body now has periods. I’ve been maturing deeper down as I watch Joy, Mom, Faith and Grandma Grant.

Labor Day weekend was a good weekend at Mom’s dress shop. It was also the first time I saw Emily and Sally since the day I was caught stealing. I was surprised that they recognized me. “Hey, Jasmint,” Emily said. “I told you if you waited you would begin to blossom.”

She lifted her hand and swept aside some errant hairs along the side of my face. Thinking she was being affectionate, I closed my eyes and pouted my lips. “My you’re turning into a little vixen aren’t you?” I shied back. She said, “Don’t be offended by one foxy girl to another I think you wear the tag well.”

Remembering her from before I showed her some new blouses with a more daring use of lace. She giggled, “You did remember me and my tastes didn’t you.”

I giggled, “Like a young fox.” Emily likes to layer her tops even more than the average college girl. I asked, “How did the clothes you bought last spring work for you?”

Rachel called to me, “Janelle…”

Sally picked up on the name change, “I thought you’re Jasmint/Jasmine?”

I told them, “Actually, the day I met you I had been caught shoplifting. First, I became Hannah’s foster child and this summer she adopted me. Somewhere, in all that, my name was changed to Janelle; please call me Jan or Janelle.”

I saw that something clicked in Sally’s mind and she whispered to Emily. She whispered to me as she held a blouse in between us. “You were actually a boy then weren’t you?” Mom heard what she said and stepped closer to defend me if needed.

I began to look down in embarrassment and Emily lifted my chin ever so lightly. “Please don’t be offended; it shouldn’t be a secret you’re ashamed of. I don’t know what kind of boy you were, but you make a very nice girl. I know only what you told us. If the consequences were you became a girl; they should do it to more boys. But seriously, a trans-girl is so much more than clothes and I think that fits you. So do I take it right you seem to be a girl for good?”

Emily continued, “We can appreciate the hassle you might get from some as they learn but you won’t be able to keep it a secret forever. I remember when Sal came out telling me she was a lesbian. She thought I was quickly going to look for a straight woman to be my roommate. Now two years later we share an apartment. I’m still straight and we’re best friends.”

They each made a good number of purchases, mostly for their fall wardrobes. Emily went with more vibrant fall colors, some earth-tones. Her clothes showed off her curves whereas Sally likes slightly looser fitting clothes. Both were good styles and tastes that work for them. I thanked them for how nice they were to me. Mom gave each of them an extra discount.

That afternoon Cadence and Lace text me about going out on tonight. With two days before school and the Labor Day weekend, we were all excited. Since we decided to go a dance, Stephanie was invited to make it a foursome. The Legion has nice dances every Labor Day Weekend. I hadn’t gone as Ronnie.

Usually, it would be after 11:00 before many had too much to drink. It was the first time I could tell Joyce either had something to drink or use. After I noticed, she stayed away from Mom and Dad. Grandma Grant, however, caught up to her. I guess she didn’t come down hard; so I guess she might have already known.

I danced with Johnny, Chad and a few others including Cadence. Since it was a regular dance with Cadence, not slow and together, she said her parents were comfortable.

The Next day a number of our families went to Timbers State Park; hiking in the morning and swimming or canoeing in the afternoon. But there was a short ceremony without much publicity. We were given recognition for the capture of the thieves earlier in the summer. It was nice to receive recognition, as we had called and notified the authorities. A good number of Vets were there to receive the reward check from us. Three of the homeless guys were there but had cleaned up enough not to be distinguishable from the others.

There was a moment where the young Trooper approached a group of Vets and their ranks closed. It took him a minute to get the message that he wasn’t trusted. He told other troopers and law people. He wasn’t there to cause trouble but as a friend. Before he left a few veterans sat and visited with him.

We were very welcome in their midst. It was the first chance we got to personally thank Snake for his part and another called Jack. Snake shared they had been able to tap a power line to provide some power to two places they stayed at. There was a cabin near one place where they stayed at. It could be used if weather or other things were horribly bad or if someone needed to be air-lifted out. They wouldn’t say it, but they weren’t too comfortable trusting of the government or military officials. It was understood there were people in them they trusted, but not the systems.

August had been wet enough that an unannounced time of fireworks took place. Some Vets were pleased but I guess it reminded others of sounds they were not comfortable with. Even now memories could come flooding back. It was, however, a good day overall as various vets could share their stories with those who understood. I, we, heard a few stories. I was shaken pretty well one time; interestingly enough it was Snake who helped comfort me. “It’s good to have a newbie here and be bright enough to be unsettled.

Cadence too was moved to tears. Part of it she told me later was related to the Vets but some made her think of her dad’s risks or what he saw but didn’t tell about. “I asked Dad, but he said he really didn’t see bad stuff. …But when I asked about a time he told Mom ‘It was really ugly’ he said 'he couldn’t remember the incident.” Cadence knew he was not telling her the truth.

We had a sleepover that night at Cadence’s though we were pretty much exhausted. Stephanie got a bit of the bare facts of a girl’s night. Either the Rawlings didn’t think or weren’t worried.

Stephanie has begun counseling, though she’s not saying who with. Bobby will be the one going to school. He gets to be Steph on weekends and a few special occasions, probably including Halloween. Steph says, “If things go well maybe when school ends next spring, I can begin living as a girl. I am pushing for the second semester or earlier, but I don’t think it’s going to happen.”

“But you’re more girl than I was when I started,” I said with some surprise.

“Yes, I am even being watched so I don’t sneak anything a boy shouldn’t have. They’re even dragging their feet on giving me a hormone blocker. Hopefully, that will be approved the next visit or the one after that.” Steph’s smile changed, “Mom even said, ‘If they don’t approve it they were going to the State University Medical Center and change doctors.”

Cadence asked, “Why don’t you change now? Maybe they’d allow you to transition earlier.”

“It would be a lot harder as far as traveling, costs and Mom’s work schedule. She says she wants me to have enough time to experience things. She wants to make sure that I understand being a girl is more than clothes and appearance.”

“I’ve been hassled a few times about wanting to be a girl or looking like one. It’s not fun. I’m hoping that being in a support group at the school and one at the hospital, will be enough. …Janelle, are you going to either support group?”

The truth is, I’ve only been once to the one at the state’s University Hospital. “Cadence and Lace both chime in, “You know Janelle, and it might be good if you acknowledge publicly who you are. It’s not like everyone will know but more people would know. You already are a girl in almost every way and you have family and friends who accept you.”

“I’m willing to be part of the school’s group, but you two know you could join as well?” Cadence looked at me, wondering if I was indicating she was a lesbian. She looked at Lace. Maybe she was now wondering about Lace.

Steph asked, “Janelle, if we as girls like a guy or a girl, do either make us gay or lesbian?” We were soon asleep with little determined for sure. Cadence slept on one side of me and gave me a kiss after the lights were off.

Lace tapped me, “It makes both of you human. Hopefully, I’m still your best friend.”

The first day of school Terra was glad to see me in a nice skirt outfit. I hadn’t thought about being different from most girls 9n liking to wear skirts, but it is who I am. I do have more jeans and girl’s slacks then I did, but a skirt or dress is still my first choice. It is strange as I only started last April, but I have a number of tastes and patterns in how I do things.

One thing new was Johnny walking with me between classes. Even come to lunchtime, Johnny and I were together in the middle of a table with girls to my side and a few guys with him. Johnny had found a picture of me and Cadence at the state park celebration. It concerned our recognition.

Johnny mentioned he was considering the military when he graduated in two years. “Dah,” I said, “What makes you think associating with the Vets means I’d want you to be shot at? There’s a difference between respecting those guys and liking the military or you sporting a rifle.”

“I just wanted you to know I’m not afraid,” he said.

“I know you hunt and Cadence’s dad wears a gun as part of his job; one of the vet’s even shot to protect us. Gee’s, we’ve hardly gone out?”

Johnny asked, “You’re coming to the game Friday aren’t you?”

I said “Yes”, as Cadence giggled, “It doesn’t mean she wants you bloodied.” I was surprised the talk had robbed my appetite. That would not have happened six months ago.

The worst thing about the first day was my schedule had conflicts and limited choices. Ms. Branch said, my stepping back late from being a sophomore to be a freshmyn made me one of the lowest on the totem pole when caps were reached. Getting the classes I wanted, meant losing a study hall and having to do more work at home.

Mom and Joyce both wanted me to either sign up for marching band or flags as I could then opt out of gym and still get credit for both. Joyce joked, “You should go out for flags since you like their skirts.”

“Yea, but they often practice before school and every day during football season, with the marching band. It’s going to be really cold some mornings,” I said defending myself.

The next day the band director spoke to me, “I can give you this week and next to learn the routines, but we need another flag person more than your horn. You need to get more proficient on the trumpet and walking and playing is not exactly the best way to do that.”

Not liking the band uniforms as well as learning the horn, caused me to decide for flags, ‘The High Steppers’.” High Steppers was a bit misleading, an old name that carried over. The flags are now more dance, show, and synchronization. We even have two uniforms, the most used is more flashy and revealing. This week’s game is away and while the band traveled with the team; flags rarely did.

The good news is this year all girls’ restrooms are available to me with no restrictions. I can’t say going to the restroom at school is a great experience. Being at the mirrors and checking makeup and clothes is an experience. I don’t see it as competition like some, but it is interesting to watch and be part of it.

This year’s senior girls have a fair number with an attitude and smugness that is hard to put up with. Margi and Tiara are two friends and exceptions to that rule. I guess most of the senior girls are.

Now that I’m seen as another girl and part of the school; I’m expected to think quicker on my feet. I’m glad that Joyce and Faith are both around to help me. Faith is quite feminine but she laughs at me doing flags. She likes to play bump and grind music to tease me, along with calling me an exhibitionist.

I kind of agree but I don’t think many along with the flags see what we do is unusual or overboard. It definitely isn’t typical of most church ladies. One of the flag girls and a cheerleader are both pastor kids. One Catholic girl joked, “Our priest doesn’t have to worry about any of his kids acting unacceptably.” More than one comment was returned fire.

I now need to work two Saturday’s a month, more if I want. At least once a week I’m at Mom’s shoppe and found myself helping out. It’s usually enjoyable and I figure I kind of owe Mom for taking me in. I think I’m always going to like clothes, and getting to see new fashions come in is a real hook.

The game at West Slope High was enough of a contest. It was within a score of them tying or going ahead into the fourth quarter. Johnny would have scored a major touchdown but was down short of the goal.

Johnny was over to Mom’s shop at 2:00 p.m. figuring I could take off as I pleased. “Some Saturdays, I might let her off not today,” Mom said to John. “Since you didn’t ask Jan, I think she made another date.”

He was believing her until I said, “Mom that’s not true.” Mom lightly laughed, “A girl of mine should not be taken for granted.”

John apologized, to my Mom and asked me out for a movie. I suggested the movie and John complained, “It’s a girl movie?”

“Aren’t I girl enough for you? You could ask Terra’s brother or some of your friends.” We had a date and it was my first time to the movies alone with a guy. I was glad Mom and especially Dad put a little fear in him. I knew Lace was already planning to be at the movie. I wasn’t wanting to be together there but we arranged to meet after the movie.

Johnny ordered us both large colas, even with mine being a diet there is no way I would finish even half of it. There was no way I was using the women’s room at the theater. I snuggled up to Johnny but had not intended to drop my arm and hand into his lap as I did.

I had thought about being alone with him earlier, thinking a bit as Ronnie, I was uneasy as we sat together. When my hand came down on the inside of his leg, I looked up and found I was excited about being with him. Johnny kissed my forehead before lifting my chin. The next kiss was my lips meeting his warm moist lips. It was short but it sent warmth down my body.

Joy had talked to me before the date, “Don’t go to fast or too far, you’re just a freshman.” She’s not that much older and I know a bit of what she has done. I’m glad we had a big sister talk. The closest Johnny got was the inside of my leg close to the middle but even then I was turned on. He brushed his hand against my bra twice.

Lace and I used the lady’s room at the dinner. Lace didn’t ask anything but said I needed to refresh my makeup well before I went home. She said, “I don’t know about your parents, but mine doesn’t think much of me going out with a guy alone. If you don’t want to lose the privilege. I for one wouldn’t mind double dating or doing it as a group as we talked about.”

I had a 10:30 curfew so I got me home and showered well before Joy. I thought I would feel either guilty or uneasy when Mom came into visit. But Mom’s pretty cool and I relaxed quickly. She reminded me that she trusted me and wouldn’t ask a lot of questions. I did volunteer that I was glad Joy gave me a big sister talk. “Mom, I remembered earlier when I was Ron and questioned that I was going out with another guy. But I’m pretty sure Ronnie is gone for good.”

Mom giggled a little, “I’m glad to hear that as it is a little late to go back. I am sure Johnny saw you like all girl and everything he could dream for in a girl.”

“I can’t have a baby,” I said.

“While sex might be in Johnny’s thoughts, I somehow doubt he or boys, in general, think about getting a girl to have a baby.” Mom paused, “If you’re even thinking about taking risks we need to have a talk. A baby is not the only thing you can get.”

We changed the subject, “If you’re waiting up for Joy, put on your robe and come out and watch the news.” She looked at me as I stood up, “Remind me we need to try on your flag uniforms tomorrow. Do you know which one you need for next Friday?”

Instead of putting on my robe, I changed into a uniform. Faith was there along with Dad and Mom. Mom said the uniform looked great but she asked Dad to turn away as she was marking some darts to be adjusted. “Honey, did you ever think we could have had three more beautiful teenagers?”

Dad laughed and said, “I better clean my shot-gun and make sure it’s registered.” It felt really strange I could be part of what they were talking about.

Faith spoke up, “Dad did you go out with girls as beautiful as us?”

“Other than your mother? None of you are as beautiful as her yet.” Mom giggled and asked Faith, “I am glad your father said that. Do you want to change your words?”

Mom was just about done when Joyce and Adrienne came through the door. Joy was already speaking, “I’m glad you’re up, I wanted to introduce Adrienne to everyone.” Mom’s hand was on my butt and a bit under the panty. I was very embarrassed.

I relaxed a bit as Adrienne complimented me, and then all of the Grant women. “I met another student who said one of Joyce’s little sisters was a hot foxy girl. I guess they all get it from their mother’s side.”

Mom turned to Faith, “I like that a lot better.” Adrienne realized she had walked into a funny moment.

Mrs. Grant, I stopped in not only to meet everyone. Joy said you did translating and I was wondering if you might help me with some research. Some papers don’t translate well, even with the help of computers. I got marked down once last semester. I was hoping you could help me with the nuances and variation of some terms and statements? Joyce says, "You are exceptionally good.”

Adrienne is just enough older than Joyce, I saw the difference between high school and college women…

To be continued…

Previously: Janelle’s journey started out as Ronnie, a boy caught trying to steal from a woman’s clothing store. …Consequences touched latent feelings that Ronnie didn’t want to acknowledge. …The journey deepens at each turn of Janelle’s life.

The next few days, flag practice was in the afternoon and I was surprised how strenuous it is. Tiara took me aside and worked with me twenty more minutes after each practice. “You need to loosen your hips girl,” she would say time and again. She was happy with the progress I made over the weekend. Monday, I was the only one who needed to wear my uniform, costume as some called it. The skirt was short but added a bit of flash our routines. The good news was that Flags usually practiced two days per week and practiced one day with the marching band another unless more were needed.

I was enjoying my classes; learning was now something I enjoyed, a big contrast to Ronnie who was still in my head. When teachers asked about me being Joyce’s sister, I reminded them I was adopted and I was afraid of their expectations. Mrs. Riggs laughed, knowing I was worried; she’d give me encouragement to be myself as had Joyce and Mom. Mrs. Riggs had become a person I would confide in.

The second week of school I got disturbing news; my parents' trials were coming up and I would need to give testimony at their trials. Depositions had been bad enough as my parents and their lawyers all gave me a hard time about my now being a girl. Their taunting me backfired at Mom’s trial. One lawyer was putting me down for becoming a girl, suggesting I was unstable; I angrily responded, “What has that to do with my Mom being a thief or dealing with drugs and doping me?”

The lawyer turned to the judge, “Judge direct her to please answer my question?”

I said, “That was my answer and I don’t plan to change.”

He asked the judge again and the Judge said, “I will accept that as her answer unless you want to push your luck?” I smiled and said, “Thank you, your honor.”

During my Dad’s trial, their lawyer asked me how I could be sure that my father and Aunt beat me as they were charged. I said, “I woke during the beating.”

The lawyer complained, “You didn’t say that in your deposition.”

“You asked me what I remembered when I woke up in the hospital. You didn’t ask if I remembered it later. My counselor has helped me address my fear of remembering.”

The lawyer said, “You said you were beaten at your Aunts home, but there is no evidence you were in there that day. How can you explain that? Isn’t it true you don’t remember where you were at?”

“My Aunt lived next door to where I was being held and beaten. My Aunt was with my father there.” I was guessing but by my father’s expression, I knew I guessed right. The lawyer was surprised and shaken that I knew more. He finished questioning me, but the prosecutor was happy to let me answer as I wanted to answer his questions. The prosecuting attorney later told me that Dad’s lawyer had actually hurt their case in questioning me on the stand.

I had to later return to the stand because my biological and adoptive parents had agreed to let the Grants adopt me if I wouldn’t testify against them. I simply stated, “That was Mom Grants agreement. You are the ones who put me on the stand; the law required I answer things truthfully.” The state attorney had, in fact, told me, the Fifth Amendment was not applicable here.

I worried for the following week that my original parents’ attorneys would find a way to challenge my adoption. That Tuesday, I woke in Mom Grant’s arms. She was holding me saying, “You’re safe, you’re safe.” I felt bad as Mom had me sleep with her, and Dad slept on the couch. Neither of them felt bad about it and it was really bad only that night.

The second time when I was with the Flags performing at half time I inadvertently twirled by flag into the air and caught it as it came down at the end of the final routine. It was not unheard of as it was at the end of our performance but I forgot we were not doing it tonight. I had thrown my flag at least twice as high as I had ever done it before. Tiara who was very good followed suit as did three of the other flags. Somehow the crowd saw it as special and gave us a standing ovation. None of the girls who had thrown up their flag had dropped their flag that night.

Tiara and Margi were overjoyed and asked Johnny and me to go out with them and their boyfriends after the game. I could only think back to being Ronnie and thinking of guys I looked up to. Now, Margi and Tiara were like that for me. Tiara laughed at me when they asked me to go to the women’s room with them and I was so excited that I giggled.

Tiara said, “Janelle, I felt like that in junior high. A girl told me it was alright to be excited, but I needed to keep my composure. Don’t lose your joy, tonight you reminded me why I love doing flags.”

The coming weeks Tiara pushed my buns getting me to learn all the new twists, kicks and moves. It was like learning to be an aerobic dancer. I had stopped worrying about impressing boys and enjoying being a girl. I was seeing more and more as being exciting. Joy remarked now and then, “I see you acquired the delight of being Janelle.”

Quietly I hoped my parents would be found guilty, but I am not one of those who feels better for it. Mom Grant and Joyce have helped me to embrace a different spirit from Ronnie. There is a pleasure that I have a new way of thinking and doing things as Janelle.

Lace pointed out a boy who was following us to school. I recognized him, his name is Patrick. “Pat,” I called out, waving him to catch-up. He was embarrassed so I walked back meeting him as he slowed his pace. “Lace thought you might want to walk with us and I think it would be neat to have a guy friend being with us. Would you mind doing things with us?” I knew he had two sisters so he should be used to being around girls.

Laced asked me when we were alone, “What did you do that for?”

I said, “My Mom has said no a few times when we wanted to do things. I’m sure she sometimes thinks it would be safer with a guy around. I’ve been thinking it might be nice to have a guy of our choosing and could possibly be a friend like that.” I could see Lace thinking it through and a light came to her face.

“What do you think Cadence and Johnny are going to think of it,” Lace asked?

“I think Cadence will be okay with it and if it makes Johnny a little uncomfortable that would be okay too. My biggest concern is if Pat can just relax, be a friend and one of us. I am not expecting him to be like Bobby and become another Steph.”

It was Lace who called Pat to our table for lunch. It became fun as Pat was comfortable sitting among us and not off to my side like Johnny with guys on the other side. Pat would be teased a little but as he told us, he also told others, “I’m liking to be around attractive girls and not having to worry about losing one to other boys. I’m sometimes tempted to be a little possessive or protective, but I know I can’t be either a little brother tagging along or a big brother stepping in.”

Our group could vary from three to six girls plus Patty. On weekends Steph was sometimes part of the group and fit in more and more as just another girl. Come Homecoming we went as a group as I wanted the freedom to dance with Cadence as well as Johnny. I felt attracted to Cadence but I’m the one with stronger romantic feelings. With Johnny, the feelings were more evenly matched. It was Pat who made sure I had a corsage. I danced twice with Pat and the other four girls including Steph danced at least once with him.

Come Halloween it was nice to see Steph free to dress as she wanted. I wasn’t sure how Steph hid her male parts as she came as Beyoncé. Pat dressed as a bullfighter, with the emphasis on how he dressed in a silk shirt and tight pants. He joked, “The only bulls I get to kill are those guys dying of jealousy.”

I dressed as a ballerina; it was a dream I had when I was eight or nine. I was lucky as the night wasn’t that cold. Johnny’s warm hugs helped to keep the chill away. Having Pat around during Halloween was nice. I felt in some ways more comfortable with him being a friend.

It was surprising when we saw Snake and a few other veterans in town and in their old uniforms. Snake, had talked to Johnny encouraging him to get his education before thinking about being in the military. I was happy to learn that Johnny and two other vets communicated with one another.

Snake was now like an uncle and he complimented me while putting his coat around me. “I’m glad you’re doing more in a group. I wished I had learned to be a friend to girls. I had two macho brothers and lived in a tough city. I can’t say, I’m proud about what I learned or how I handled girls in my life.” I was hearing what he was saying like a confession. I didn’t feel comfortable enough to qualify if I was perceiving him correctly.

Dad later stood next to me and said, “Snake has talked to me and was wondering if you and Mom could help him shop for clothes for his daughter and granddaughter in Thailand. He is going back soon and would like to take some American clothes.”

“If he wants us to go with him, he should ask us directly. I am willing and I think Mom will too, but I’m surprised he felt the need to ask you.” I looked to Dad and saw he understood.

“I’m sorry, he was planning on asking the two of you. He was just sensitive that I would be fearful for you. Because of his background and being a homeless Vet, I think he was considerate in talking to me.”

Snake could almost be my grandfather. He has strength and agility that belies his age and appearance. He has an outer demeanor that could scare many, but since I’ve come to know him, I see him differently.

Mom and I were together when David ‘Snake’ came back over to us. I could see him relax as we smiled. “My husband said you wanted to ask us something but were a bit scared of us. We were amused that we could scare a combat veteran.” Mom actually stepped forward to give him a hug and I followed behind her.

“I have a daughter and granddaughter; my daughter’s American name is Sarai and my granddaughter Lurai, are so precious to me. I would appreciate your help in being able to select some nice clothes for them.”

I asked, “Have you ever brought them to America?”

“I can’t,” he said, “as their dad and grandfather, I’m not even free to be here. As long as I don’t go across the state line to my home state, I feel half safe that authorities won’t waste their time on me. I hope after I die, they will be free to come here and want to do so. But our home, for now, is in Thailand.” He pulled out a picture telling us they were both a size one. We learned that his wife had died just three years ago.

We would for now be calling him Dave as his nickname could bring unwanted attention. We would shop at three places: Mom’s shop, at a collegiate shop near the university and an upscale lingerie store. It was Thursday of the following week we shopped with him.

Three of the outfits Dave bought for Lurai, he asked me to try on in my size. I actually tried on five such outfits, but he decided against two of them.

Dave bought enough to fill a good size suitcase. Mom agreed to help pack it properly. We were worried that the women would appreciate what we helped to select. Dave assured us, we had helped him to choose well. Friends would help him to take it back to Thailand and get everything legally through customs. Mom thought it would cost Snake too much.

He stated money was not his biggest concern. There was an uneasy understanding that Dave and others still did things to serve their country. No one would even hint about possibilities. I also learned that he was part of a biker group there who were big into charities there in Thailand as well as for Viet Nam.

I asked before we said good-bye to Snake, “Would your granddaughter be open to communicate with me if it is safe?” A broad smile went across Dave’s face, “I think she would love to, but I will give her your information and let her decide. I would ask that you not identify me if and when you visit.”

I gave Dave a big hug and kiss on his cheek as I said, “Good-bye Uncle Dave.” He took a necklace from around his neck and made a double loop as he placed it over my head and around my neck. I could tell the stones were jade.

It was only later that I learned how precious Thai jade is. It was precious and beautiful enough before I learned it was as special of him to give it. “Why would he give something like that to a strange American girl,” I asked?

Mom said, “His face lit up when you called him Uncle Dave. Since they helped you at the state park, you had returned the kindness. I think he's seeing you as a niece as well. Things he has, people who are dear to him seem few in number, especially women and people not related to war or the military.”

Our last regular season football game came on a cold damp night against Talon who was vying for the same playoff spot. We were already losing 10-14 at half-time. Our flags coach sensitive to us being cold said, “You know how cold you are, our fans are cold, down and we need them to get excited to help lift our team. Don’t do anything of poor taste but I’m asking you to strut your stuff and give us your best performance of the season.”

Tiara took the lead but she asked me as a freshmyn to complete the circle. “Janelle’s the newest of us but she has high standards. I don’t want anyone below her high mark. Compete with her not only in performance but in spirit. The cry tonight is ‘Enjoy, Perform!” All of us broke our circle with the yell, “Enjoy! Perform!” We did a strut march to join the band. Things became electric.

The coach was right, the choreography of our performance was great enough to excite and provoke pride in the fans. The football team was back on the field early and they applauded our performance with hoots as well, clapping or pumping their hands and helmets into the air. The football coach told us after the game we got the players' blood pumping. They would win the game 24-20.

After the game, Johnny sought me out to lift me up and give me a hug. Tiara, I and Molly would be the first to be raised on a player’s shoulders. Soon all the flags and cheerleaders were being lifted up.

The team would play two playoff games losing to the eventual state champs 13-14. The spirit and effort of our football team and the school received recognition from the Philadelphia newspaper. There was much chatter and over a hundred thousand hits on various postings of us. Our flag team was now known which would be very helpful when our competition took place in January and February.

I guess things were too good to last, through the Thanksgiving weekend. We, Cadence, her Mom, Lace, and I were coming back early in the evening from shopping. The police had given chase to a man who didn’t pull over for a routine traffic violation. It would have been his third OWI and he would lose his license.

He reached speeds up to 95 and was traveling 70 mph when he lost control of his vehicle. Mrs. Rawlings had pulled over to avoid things, but that’s where his car veered to. It was Cadence’s compartment that received the brunt of the impact. The airbags deployed and deflated as they were made to, but they’re designed more for men than women. One of her legs was hurt, probably broke, she had the most cuts and nicks from shattered glass. The bleeding of her face made things look much worse than they were but a concussion was possible. Her Mom got out to come around the car to get her out; I had climbed over the seat to be next to her. Lace was one of a few people who called for help.

Ironically the man suffered only minimal injury. The police were there but everyone waited for the paramedics to help get Cadence out. Mr. Rawlings was soon there though not on duty. My parents, as well as Lace’s, met us at the hospital. It was emotionally hard on Mrs. Rawlings and me to allow others to check us out and give us medical attention. Mrs. Rawlings’ wrists were sprained and other joints were strained or bruised. Their concern for me was shock and injury possibilities that weren’t showing.

We were at the hospital two hours before I got to see Cadence, while she didn’t look pretty, she looked better than when I saw her last. I leaned over to give her a kiss and she grabbed me with a hug that pulled me upon her and my kiss gave way to one that could not be mistaken for its meaning.

“Janelle, I am so thankful you came to see how Cadence is? I am glad she has a special friend like you?” Mrs. Rawlings hugged me from behind. “I would like it if you called me Ma Rawlings if you’d like.”

I turned and got off the bed for a moment. I gave Mrs. Rawlings a hug, “Thanks, Ma Rawlings.” I think I have a very special friend in Cadence, but you already know she’s special.”

A nurse came in, asking me, “Would you please stay off her bed and refrain from hugging each other. Your germs could cause the other one to get an infection.”

Cadence and I both turned at the recognition of the nurse’s voice. “Nurse Paula, it’s you,” Cadence replied. “Do you mean that or are you just trying to give us a hard time because of Camp?” It was Nurse Paula from Camp. We knew she was from Central City, but we're surprised that she was actually here with us. It was true that she wanted us careful, especially around open sores or scabbed areas.

Grandma Grant was able to look in on Cadence as a doctor. It was a rare time that I got to see her work as a doctor. Mrs. Christine Rawlings was very happy with Grandma as she was very good explaining Cadence’s injuries and sensitive to the anguish she was in as a mom.

Grandma even told them, “If you think Cadence and Janelle would be better together, we could make this a semi-private room for tonight. Janelle will be released tomorrow if there are no complications. …Cadence could possibly go home, but since the other driver will be paying I would like her to stay at least an extra day maybe two.”

The next morning my doctor was releasing me as Cadence received a large stuffed dog. It was from Adin a boy from Camp. Adin was from Hanover only ten minutes away. Having Johnny whom I also dated, I knew it was only fair that Cadence had a boyfriend too.

Adin was soon there leaning over the bed giving her a kiss. Now I knew how it hurt… I wasn’t ready to give undying love to her, but I was no longer in denial about how important she is to me or that I could be a lesbian.

That afternoon at home, I was in a funk and stayed to myself. Joy sought me out, though I knew Adrienne was there. “Hey Sis, Mom told me a boyfriend showed up for Cadence. I guess you’re experiencing that those sensitive girl feelings have a downside to them as well? Coming at the same time as you’re feeling puffy must really stink.”

To be continued…

He started out as Ronnie a boy caught trying to steal clothes from a woman’s clothing, so he could go to summer camp. …The consequences touched feelings that Ronnie didn’t acknowledge. …The journey at each turn deepens at each turn for Janelle’s new life.

Previously: The next morning as my doctor's releasing me, Cadence receives a large stuffed dog delivered to our room... Adin from Hanover, only ten miles away, is now showing interest in Cadence. Having dated Johnny, I knew it is only fair that Cadence has a boyfriend too. Now I knew how it hurts… I'm not ready to give my undying love to her, but I'm no longer in denial about her importance to me or that I might be a lesbian.

That afternoon at home I'm in a funk and stay to myself. Joy sought me out. “Hey Sis, Mom told me a boyfriend showed up for Cadence. I guess you’re experiencing those sensitive feelings a girl has on he downside of things? Coming at the same time as you’re feeling puffy must really stink.”

Now… It's good to be home as I soon heated up some leftovers that Dad usually ate. There would be dinner tonight but I passed up lunch the hospital to get warmed-up leftovers at home. Faith and Joy, not only taunt me, but each eats some of the food I want to eat. Their forks are soon in the sink when I complain, but it's a little late.

Faith asked if what I bought were for me or gifts. “I hope neither of you looked because most are gifts.”

Joy says, “They’re in our room. You should check and make sure they’re yours. The Rawlings was not sure whose was what.” I looked through the bags and packages, finding three bags that belonged to Cadence, mostly gifts for her older sister and her mom and dad. I held up two outfits that I knew Joyce would have liked that are for Cadence’s sister. I had bought a similar outfit for Joyce but in her colors. The top I show differ slightly again towards Joyce’s taste in clothes. Sure enough, Joyce comments on how she'd like them. The lone item for me from my items is a pair of fashion boots appropriate for winter weather.

I want to rest, but Mom reminds me I am behind on school work. It's mostly reading. I want to go back to the hospital to see Cadence. Dad said, “You have just seen her earlier in the day, just call her.”

“Dad, I have talked to her on the phone. She would have come back to the hospital to see me, if it were the other way,” I complain. Mom pats the couch next to her, “Come here Janelle, you need your own time to unwind and share if you wish.”

“Mom, it was awful to see that guy lose control of his car and come towards us. I thought it would have hit mostly on Mrs. Rawlings side. But I thought we all could have been badly hurt or killed. Mrs. Rawlings was super like you. Badly as she was hurt, she was quickly out and around the other side to get Cadence out but the door was jammed too hard. I climbed over the seat to her spot and helped Cadence as much as I could. Just think Mom, Cadence, her Mom, and Lace, I could have lost them all.” I am now crying uncontrollably. There wasn’t really anything Mom could do but hug me which she does so well. I'm still not used to a mom who cares.

I am exhausted by eight-thirty and was in bed before 9:30 that night. The next morning I want to show off my new boots at school, but I wear my long denim skirt. Other girls noticed them as did Cadence when I went to the hospital to see her. I wanted to change before I went but Dad is driving and he doesn’t understand my wanting to change. He says, “I thought you had been a boy before.” I didn’t say anything to him but it hurt to hear him say that like I was still to be a boy inside and it shouldn't matter.

It isn’t hard to put on a happy face for Cadence, being so happy to see her. I give her a big hug and kiss and don’t want to let go. She said, “It is okay Janelle, you’re first in my heart.”

I say back, “You didn’t need to say that.” She had tears in her eyes, “I wanted too plus Mom’s comfortable with you being my girlfriend.” Cadence also tell me she would be in the hospital one more day as her temperature had spiked last night and she would be on an antibiotic until the next morning. Grandma, Dr. Grant came in and assures me that Cadence is alight.

It's two weeks before Christmas when I receive a Christmas card from my mother in prison. What she wrote was a warm letter with it and sounded sincere. “Janelle, I look inside and around me to see in others how ugly I had become. I know I favored your brother and wanted you to be the daughter we didn’t have. I hope that is not why you became a girl. I have a counselor and she says that's not likely, but I’m sorry nonetheless. I would like to ask you to forgive me, I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness. A chaplain says God is gracious and that God forgives me, but I have trouble accepting that because it was you I hurt so much. I hope after a while you would even consider visiting me in prison.”

“I am not legally going to ask you to be my daughter. Mrs. Grant seems to be a very good Mom. I can see her and your new family have been very good for you. Your Aunt Marge says you were on the honor roll at mid-semester. The daughter of one of her friends says you are warm and friendly at school and that you have a lot of friends. Aunt Marge sent the newspaper article that shows your name for the honor roll and a picture of you as one of the Flag girls. You are very pretty and look like you could be one of the Grant girls by birth.”

I'm crying halfway through the letter and hug the card as I struggled to finish reading the card. I have an uneasy time sleeping tonight.

The next day, I don’t go with Cadence after school, but make my way to Mom’s shop. It's very busy, no surprise about the holidays. I help and stayed until Mom could take a break. I showed Mom my card and letter, “Would it be a problem or upset you to visit my mother in prison?”

Mom first listened to me and then asked me questions about how I felt about my mother. If I thought she was sincere. “You’ve been working through things with your counselor, do you think you could forgive your mother?”

I say, “I’ve kind of forgiven her in my heart, but I don't know if I can say it until I see her face to face. Part of me is still scared of her and my father. My mother didn’t do a lot of the really bad stuff but she let it happen and didn’t stop it!” My voice got louder at the last as I begin to cry. I know Mom should be back to her customers. I'm glad she didn’t leave me to go back to them.

Mom and I both cleaned ourselves up and put on new faces before we went and help with the last of the customers. Mom isn’t big on eating out, but she took me for a small dinner after work.

I have been very fortunate as the Grants have gone out of their way for me. I usually don’t ask much but I can’t help but think I’m taking things away from my sisters. Come Christmas I’m treated just like my sisters. But since being a girl is new for me, Christmas is extra sweet as a girl. It is the first time I’m excited about getting clothes at Christmas. I’m given a doll and Mom’s mom, Grandma Miller, has made a quilt for me. My doll is wrapped in it most of Christmas day and come night I hug it like Schroeder's security blanket.

Cadence and I exchanged friendship rings for Christmas. We plan to say good-bye to our boyfriends at the end of January. We didn’t want them feeling bad at Christmas. Plus we want to just celebrate more being best-girlfriends since we have a hard time thinking we’ll be girlfriends in love all through high school.

Lace is the one who feels most hurt as she and I are truly best friends. I guess there is no easy way of defining and redefining things all the time. Lace is my best friend without romantic feelings between us.

The Tuesday after Christmas Mom and Mr. Rawlings take me to Mom’s prison. Mr. Rawlings came with us thinking the first time we might not get to see her. I think he might have been right as it took an hour to see her. I was told at one point I wouldn’t see her today because they had to do a background check on me.

My mother has an ugly orange jumper on when she came out to see me. But she actually looks better. She has lost at least ten pounds and says it’s because she has tried to lose it. She brushes her hair differently. It is not like she gets to a nice salon. I wasn’t surprised that she said over and again that she was sorry, but the tears were something I hadn’t seen before. I’ve seen fake tears from her before but these weren’t them. It took me three tries but I finally was able to say, “Mom, I forgive you.” And I said it again as I left, “Mother, I forgive you and I hope you continue to get better.” Mom Grant had already said I could come back if I want.

New Year’s Eve became special for me; it’s the first one as Janelle I get to celebrate. I had been playing with my dolls all day. I even talked Cadence into reading two children’s books to my dollies and me. Mom came with a larger children’s book. “Cadence would you mind being a little girl along with Janelle. I’ve never gotten to read to her as a little girl.”

We sat in front of my Mom and I leaned back against Cadence. Mom's on a second story, a child’s version of Cinderella, when Cadence said, “It’s okay to cry Jan; you’re safe here.”

“I missed being a little girl,” I told her.

Mom waited, letting me cry. She told me later, “Caroline and I have talked, she would be comfortable sometime when you’re with Jenny that you took some time to play and relax as a little girl.”

I look at Cadence and I'm embarrassed by the little girl talk. “Janelle, Lacy and I have already seen you get in little girl mode. We can tell when you’re in a skirt and flop down with no concern for your panties showing. You usually do it on sleepover nights even before we change into our Teddy Bear pajamas.” Cadence goes on to tell me about one night I got pre-occupied with playing with the lone doll I had at that time. I remember the night she's talking about.

Joy had come in sometime during the visit, “It is overdue little Sis. I’m not embarrassed, I’m proud of you.” She has a hand behind her that she brought around when I asked about it. She had a baby’s bottle and it had warm milk in it. I was already leaning against Cadence. “No,” I said.

Joyce handed Cadence the bottle, I resisted just a little. That was around six o’clock and it was after eight when I woke up. Cadence had eaten with my family and I was snug in my quilt with my head on a stuffed animal as a pillow. I kind of felt silly but no one else thought anything of it. New Year’s Day was Thursday and Friday I was over at Caroline Nichols playing with Jenny. After Jenny models her new clothes and showed me other gifts, we played like little girls. Carol had me stop to have some tea with her later in the afternoon. “You don’t know Jan, you didn’t know Jenny before when she didn’t smile and show emotions. She's happier now even when she plays like a little girl. If she remembers her childhood as a little girl, I hope it is with the joy she feels now.”

“I’m happy for her too,” I said. “I’m more than a little embarrassed that I have fun playing like a little girl.”

“Janelle, I hope you don't think I’m talking down to you, but I think you have tried so hard to be a big teenager. You want to impress others, but I think there's an insecure little girl inside.” Carol takes hold of my hands.

“I know what it is like to be insecure Jan. I’ve been afraid to have another child for years, but no longer. Would you believe, if I told you I’m going to have a baby come late May?” Carol patted her tummy, asking if I wanted to feel the baby. All I could feel was the beginning of a bump.

She asks, “Do think you would like to be a mommy someday? I think you would be a very good mom.”

I smile at the thought, Carol thinks I would be a good Mom. I say, “Joy said you were such a good Mom. She knew you ached for Jenny, while to Jenny you only showed love.”

Carol has a big smile, “Joy told you that. Why would she have said that?”

“The first time was because I didn’t realize how important it was that you bought the dress for me.” I said, “Until she told me, I was in denial that I loved the dress you bought me.”

Carol smiled saying, “I didn’t realize it then that you weren’t a girl. It was only later that you decided you wanted to be a girl.”

“Can I tell you a secret?”

“Cross my heart, Janelle,” Caroline says.

“I prayed as I tried on the dress and it was fitted for me. I prayed that when you invited me to a dance that I would feel more fully like a girl when I wore it. Somehow I knew I wanted to be a girl. I thought if I pleased you then maybe it would be so. …It was two months later Joy and I talked about being with Jenny. Joyce said she had babysat with Jenny and she got to see how fantastic you were as a mother.”

That night our group went out to a dance. During one dance Johnny asks me to go steady just with him with emphasis on ‘just with him’. I knew his feelings were hurt, he was ready to get angry but I told him, “I’m sorry, there is no other boy, but I can’t lie to you and say I could.”

Johnny later said with puppy dog eyes that belied his size, “I thought we had something special.”

“We did and maybe still do, but I have love for another person and I need space if I'm to grow.”

Johnny half-smiles, “I wish it was with a guy; I’d go over and slug him. It probably wouldn’t help but I’d feel a little better.” I giggle as I gave him a hug and a kiss. Johnny returned the kiss and we both savored it for whatever it meant.

Cadence asks me, “What’s that about?”

“I’ll tell you later, but for now know things are good.”

It gets harder when I am around Cadence now, she is like the forbidden fruit I can see but not have. I knew if we made out and went as far as we wanted we’d feel a need to make out as often as we could. I thought it was just me but Cadence says it is the same for her and Lace giggles a bit when she notices us fighting our urges. Lace is again content to be my best friend. She now has a friend Jared.

All of us girls are enjoying the ability to choose when we want to do things just as us girls or with guy friends included. Pat is sometimes confused, not always sure he is in both groups, despite our assuring him he is. Molly and Lace are not above influencing him to dress favoring being one of the girls when we are going out just as our core group.

Wednesday after school and Saturday morning we’d be shopping at different places; Lace and Molly had cast the spell of their influence over Patty. Others were surprised how quickly Patty became one of us so strongly after we left school. I had no problem figuring out Pat had a worn a chemise under his shirt. His shirt was buttoned up during school and very open as we went shopping. Lace even had a pair of girl’s cross-trainers for him as well as a girl’s belt with a pretty sequin buckle.

I told Pat he didn’t need to do it; he said, “I get hassled less if I do. Sometimes it is fun to be like this around you girls. My sister Teri checks me over and gives me ideas frequently.”

“So are you seeing yourself more as a girl now,” I ask?

“Nope, it would be a rare day that I would enjoy wearing a bra. I like being a guy who hangs around you girls and kind of feeling like I’m one of you, yet not. I’m actually getting more guy friends now asking my help to understand and relate to girlfriends, sisters and other girls they’re close to. Last week when I said I couldn’t go out with you. It wasn’t exactly true. I went bowling and playing games with the guys.”

“They did give me a girls’ basketball to learn how to play the game better. When we went bowling and I used a fourteen-pound bowling ball; they were alright with that as well. It is kind of freeing not having to match other guys in doing things like them. Joe Stuart used a lighter ball and bowled his best game ever.”

“Does that mean we’re going to lose you to the guys,” I ask?

“Not likely, I found I’m hooked of having fun with you. I get kicks out of being in touch with my femme side. Being honest, I even enjoy dressing girly. Wearing a bra once in a while isn’t all bad, I just wish I had something inside them. Please don’t tell anyone,” Patty says.

Cadence asks, “Would you get a kick from going to the Winter Ball in February with us?” Pat and I turned quickly, we didn’t expect Cadence to be there. “Lace thought you might be ready for something like that.”

Pat looks at me saying, “How come she was here and didn’t say anything?” I quickly said, “I didn’t know.” Cadence nodded in agreement.

Cadence gave me a lite kiss, “Lace thought you knew but didn’t want to say anything. And I thought you were afraid of changing another boy over.” The three of us hugged and then sat in amusement. Cadence said, “Patty, we're going tomorrow to look for some pretty dresses. Most of us can’t afford gowns for the Ball and the Prom in the spring. You can be looking passively unless you find something.

Jan,” Cadence said to me, “your Mom should know of possibilities for inexpensive breast forms. I could probably help Patty get a date. He could go with our group unless he didn’t want to be made.”

Pat, “I will think about it, but as you said correctly I wouldn’t want to be made as going as a something less than a convincing girl. But I’m not sure I like the idea of a real date with a boy.”

She says, “Daniel Wriggly is a guy I know from Hanover; I think he would be open to taking you to the Winter Ball. He likes special events like that but Hanover is too small to have such a dance. I’m sure he’d even plan to take you to someplace special for dinner.

“What, is he, hard up or is there something wrong with him,” Pat asks?

Cadence tries not to giggle, “No,” she shows him a photo of him on her smart-phone. “He just doesn’t have the opportunity or knows how to connect with girls.”

Cadence is calling someone, “Dan, it’s your cousin, I have a girl wanting to dress up and go to our Winter Ball next month. But she doesn’t want to shop for a pretty dress unless she knows someone would be willing to take her.” “…Her name? It’s Carrie. Yes, it’s really Carol but.” “…You think you would. I’ll let her know and we can get back to you. …A date or two before then. I’m not sure but I could ask.”

I’m looking forward to the Winter Ball, but I’m too busy performing with ‘The High Steppers’ at basketball games as well as getting ready for state competition. We have two area competitions as preliminaries to State. They aren’t official but the results would be known and do go toward one’s seeding in state competition. We hosted a major event on the first Friday-Saturday of February, but all the judges are coming out of Philadelphia or Harrisburg. Our lone advantage is the home crowd but they hadn’t always seen our competing as being important.

I like what we do and see it as more exciting the more I understand all what we do and are judged on. We use our dance costume for this. Mrs. Riggs says our new dance uniforms will be in this Monday. Both costumes require a bikini cut for our personal area. My thought is if we have to shave so close then the uniform shows too much. Actually, once we get performing I don’t mind it as much as the stepping out in front of people and pausing for them to see us. And then having to watch our performances as we need to refine our performance and look closely for any flaws or miscues. I’m not comfortable watching myself, yet I can’t believe how much of a girl I’ve become.

Jamie from the university and some other women from the University come twice a week as practice judges. Thursday, Jamie brought Adrienne and Joyce knowing it would fluster me. It challenged me to focus on my performance. I lost it the first minute of our first dance, but my recovery set my focus for the rest of the night.

This was the first time since Joyce started exclusively going to the University that she didn’t stay at the University. I'm still her little sister but as she says my dancing shows her sister is growing up.

To be continued…