by Karin Roberts
A serial, of around 20 parts.
by Karin Roberts
Part 1 - Arrival
“He’s not coping very well I’m sure he is still on the drink. I spotted several empty bottles in the bin and the house is not being cleaned very well” silence as she listened.
“Yes I know its early dear but we have to think of Melissa in all this” she paused again.
“Yes I know that being a farmer takes up a lot of time but so even the more reason why he needs some help” silence again.
“I know it’s a risk if we get the Social Work involved and losing the kid would probably push him over the edge, but I can’t think of anything else we can do, yeah ok, we will talk more tonight”
Mum had just been visiting my half cousin George who owned a farm in Ayrshire. George was 32 and owned a large farm near Irvine, he had a daughter called Melissa who had just turned 2 years old. When Melissa was born there had been complications and unfortunately due to an undetected heart defect in his wife, Grace, she had suffered a major heart attack just after Melissa was born. The medical teams had done all they could and revived her once only for her to suffer another attack and tragically she had passed away.
Since then he had been helped by several family members to deal with his loss, at times he had seemed to be on the mend, but there were several periods where depression had hit him hard and he had gone backwards again. I liked George he was a big strong looking guy, I’d only met him three or four times mostly at family occasions and fortunately more happy ones than the last time I had been in his company. On the other occasions our mutual love for a certain football club had seen us build bridges and chat for ages about games and players old and new.
Later that night when Dad returned from work I could hear them discussing the situation again I thought I heard my name being mentioned but maybe not, there was a bit of arguing. I could tell that my Dad was certainly dead against getting Social Service involved and was determined that we should deal with it in the family. Any Social Services involvement he felt would lead to Melissa being into care and away from George After all that had happened to George that was an option that even I thought would be detrimental to George’s recovery he had lost enough in his life, losing Melissa would be the last straw.
The next morning I was sitting eating breakfast when Mum and Dad came downstairs.
“Eh Alex can we talk to you for a minute” they asked,
“Yeah shoot” I said.
“Well you know how George is having some problems again we were wondering if you could go and stay with him for a while and help look after Melissa” I looked a bit stunned.
“I’m not much good with babies” I said.
“Nonsense, look how you helped Ashley when she had Megan and you’re going to be a Primary Teacher so you know how to deal with kids,”
Ashley was my elder sister who had been unfortunate enough to fall pregnant after a one night stand with somebody she met at a nightclub she was determined to keep the kid and when it was born she also needed to work to feed it, so I had helped out with child care while she went to work.
Also Mum was right I had just after my 22nd birthday qualified as a Primary Teacher and was offered a post in a local school for later that year.
“How long would I need to do it for,” I asked.
“Not that long just till he gets back on his feet or we can make other arrangements, anyway your not due to take up your job at Northgate Primary until mid August, so about 10 weeks maximum” my dad added continuing “Anyway you two get on like a house on fire talking football all the time maybe it’s just what George needs a friend around.”
I looked a beaten opponent, “Oh I suppose, Ok I’ll do it.”
“Thanks Alex the family needs to stick together at times like this” mother said.
So by Saturday morning I was packed and ready a large case loaded into my Dad’s car and all three of us drove down to Irvine. George was out in the fields when we arrived and Mrs Kane an elderly lady from the village was looking after Melissa. She greeted us on arrival as I lugged my case inside and on her instructions took it upstairs to the room that had been set aside for me. I looked out of the window of my room on a rolling landscape of ploughed fields and pasture about 1,000 yards further down the driveway was the main barn and what appeared to be a garage for farm vehicles a silo and some milking sheds and sheep pens were also dotted around as well as some other outhouses.
This was the first time that I had been to the farm. The farmhouse itself was very much old style low ceiling with wooden beams. The only change appeared to be that a modern bathroom with a corner bath had been installed, a conservatory had also been built just off the kitchen and central heating put in to replace most of the old style log fires. Only one fire remained and that was the one in the main living area which had a fantastic stone hearth around it.
Mrs Kane made us coffee in the kitchen and gave us the latest on how George had been since Mum’s visit.
“He’s been not bad had a bit of a blow-out last night went down the local came home early this morning a bit the worse for wear but not as bad as I’ve seen him. I’m just glad that someone is going to stay with him I’m a bit too old for all this now, but if you need any help Alex just give me a call the numbers on the pad.”
Mrs Kane stayed around for an hour or so and then my Dad gave her a lift home while Mum and I attended to Melissa. Mum then left me alone to get on with it while she made dinner for George’s return.
Around 6pm we heard a jeep pull up outside and George got out and walked to the door taking off his Wellington’s he strode into the house.
“Margaret, William, Alex good to see you all” he said. I helped mum set places at the table while George and dad went out into the conservatory for a cigarette.
Mum was making final preparations as I nipped upstairs to check on Melissa who was still asleep following her afternoon excitement and attention from all the family. Over dinner we sat and make general small talk until eventually George raised the subject,
“So are you ok coming here to look after Melissa, Alex?”
I hesitated slightly, “It’s fine by me, I don’t start my job until late August and the experience with a young child will do me no harm” I replied.
“You don’t mind leaving your friends for a few months’ and staying here.”
“No that’s ok as well, a couple of them have taken summer jobs and two other’s have gone on a hiking holiday in Wales so I would have been pretty much on my own most days anyway.”
“Well that’s ok then just as long as I’m not putting you out” he said.
“Don’t worry about it George were all family and we are here to help” my mother piped in as she lifted some plates of the table and went to wash up.
“Here let me give you a hand with that” I said standing up and walking towards the sink.
Mum and Dad stayed around for another hour or so while I settled in before leaving just as it was getting dark “Call us if you have any problems” Mum said out of George’s earshot “I will” I replied as she got into the car and drove off.
Me and George sat chatting about football and thing’s then before just before 10pm George announced that he needed to go and check on the barn so off he went and I went upstairs to look in on Melissa. She was still asleep, fidgeting a bit in her sleep, as she stretched and relaxed back into her world of childlike dreams. I tidied up the room a bit and then went along to my room and unpacked the rest of my stuff into the chest of drawers. I had brought 2 0r 3 novels with me to read during quieter periods, so grabbing a copy of the latest Richard Laymon novel I flopped on to the bed and began to read.
I’d been reading for about 15-20 minutes when I heard Melissa cry. Soft sobs followed by calls for her Mum, putting down my book I quickly moved along the corridor and opened the door.
“Shoosh baby, I’m here” I said approaching her bed and picking her up.
Her little arm slipping around my neck as I tried to comfort her she kept calling for her mum and her dad, “He’ll be home soon darling” I whispered into her ear as her sobs began to ease slightly, soon she was once again asleep and I eased her back down into her bed. I left the door open and went back downstairs put on the kettle and made myself a coffee. Looking at the clock it was just gone 11:15 pm.
“Where is he” I spoke out loud as I looked out the main window and down the farm track.
I must have fallen asleep as I awoke with a start as the door opened with a bang. As I adjusted my eyes to the light, George appeared the worse for wear as he staggered into the room.
“You shoduv gona bed” he said speech slurred as he walked over to the drinks cabinet.
“Uh uh no more” I said intercepting him before he got there “You’ve had enough” I said.
“Huw’s lissa” he mumbled.
“She’s fine fast asleep” I said “now let’s get you to bed.”
Putting his arm round my waist I guided him to the stairs and helped him climb up to his room. Once inside I let him slide onto the bed before I pulled off his boots and dropped a cover over him.
“Sleep well” I said as the first sound of snores rose from the bed as I closed the door to the bedroom. I looked in on Melissa and noticed another single bed in the corner of the room deciding it might be wise to be close to her I pulled off my shoes and shirt and lay on top of the bed soon like everyone else I was fast asleep.
I was woken by a strong rapping at our front door pulling on my shirt I buttoned it up and trotted downstairs. Opening the door I found a guy in probably his late 20’s at the door,
“George sleep in again?” he asked.
“Eh what time is it?" "Just after seven, said, he’d meet me in the field’s over by Bakers Wood”
“Ok look I’ll go and wake him get him to meet you over there ok.”
“Yeah fine, did he have a heavy night again?”
“No he’s just a bit too tired with all that’s happened” I said defending him.
“On my way” he said as I closed the door and hurried upstairs.
“George wake up you need to be at work” a few grunts as I shook him finally he started to stir.
“There was a guy at the door looking for you said something about Baker’s Wood.”
“Oh that’s Pete, yeah I was supposed to meet him over there, what time is it” “just after quarter past seven.”
“Ok I’ll get washed and be on my way.”
“You want any breakfast” I asked.
“No it’s ok; just make me up a flask of coffee.”
I went downstairs and made up the coffee I also managed to butter up a couple of rolls and dropped some cold meat on them before he came down.
“There” I said handing him that flask and rolls as he left the house. I went upstairs to wash and shave before I needed to see to Melissa.
By dinner time Sunday there was still no sign of George I looked down the farm roads looking for some tell tale sign’s of his arrival but there was no sign. I fed Melissa and put her down for the night leaving the door slightly ajar to listen for any noise should she wake. I lay on top of my bed pouring through another few chapters of my book. Around 10 I heard a car draw up and the sound of a drunken George get out mumbling a goodbye to the driver before it drove off. I went downstairs and arrived just as he entered not as bad as the night before but still somewhat drunk.
“You need to stop this” I said walking towards him as I approached I could see lipstick marks on the collar of his shirt and smell perfume from him.
“Where you been” I asked.
“Eh just went for a couple.”
“Eh more than a couple” I answered “This needs to stop you’ve got Melissa to think about.”
He sat down his head in his hands, I thought I could hear a slight sob, I crouched beside him,
“I know it’s hard” I said “But you’ve got a wonderful daughter who wants her dad with her sober, not like this you’ve hardly seen her this weekend.”
“I know” he mumbled through some tears, “But I miss Grace so much” his sobs increasing.
“I know” I said squeezing his arm “You want anything to eat” I asked.
“No it’s ok I’ll get some sleep we’ve a big day ahead of us tomorrow,” slightly unsteadily he got to his feet and headed up the stairs, I locked the door and put out the light’s and followed him up. This was not going too well I thought to myself as I followed behind him.
The next week was a bit better I busied myself with Melissa while George only went off the rails slightly disappearing again on Tuesday night and Wednesday night and returning drunk both nights although not as badly as he had been before, we spent a couple of hours chatting about Melissa, Grace and his feeling’s, I generally though we were getting somewhere. On Thursday I decided that I would take Melissa into the village and asked George if she had a buggy.
“Yeah it’s in the loft” he said as he strained to recover from last night’s hangover.
Once he was gone I checked on Melissa and went to retrieve the buggy. There was a small flight of steps up to what really wasn’t a loft but a small room built at the back of the house. Inside I put on the light and searched around there were several crates and boxes scattered around some old household appliances etc.
Being the curious type I opened a few boxes the first couple had cutlery and dishes and another had a collection of household ornaments and photo albums. I picked up one of the albums flicking through it I saw pictures of George and Grace, she had been an attractive girl about my height but with blonde hair cut shorter than the average female maybe, but still her feminine charms shone through.
Continuing my search I opened one of the crates and stepped back inside was all lot’s of her clothes. George had obviously not wanted to throw them out and stored them away a bit musky and damp but still ok. Finally closing the crate I moved on and found the buggy, leaving the room I switched of the light and went to get Melissa for our walk.
With Melissa in the buggy we walked the two miles into the village. It was the first time that I had been in the village for years nothing much had changed there was the small sub-post office a licensed grocers and newsagents, a butchers a small chemist and a fruit and veg shop, oh and the local pub / hotel which I expected was where George did much of his drinking.
I stopped by the benches at the war memorial and sat with Melissa in the overcast but pleasant fresh air several people went buy nodding there heads or uttering a quiet hello as they passed us. Around half an hour later I stood up and pushed the buggy towards the grocers to pick up a few thing’s, inside I picked up a fresh loaf of bread some cheese and milk a couple of tins of food for Melissa and a can of coke for myself, and today’s newspaper.
Crossing to the till I presented the items and the lady began to ring up my purchases.
“That’s George’s daughter isn’t it” she asked.
“Yeah I’m Alex, George’s nephew just down to help him out a bit” I replied.
“So sad what happened” she continued.
“Yes” I replied quietly.
“Well you tell him were all thinking of him and if he needs anything he only has to ask” she said as I handed over some money for my goods.
“Eh I will thanks” I said as I turned to leave.
“Bye” she called after me.
“Yeah bye” I said.
Outside I turned sharply and nearly ran into a young woman heading down the pavement.
“Oh I’m sorry” I said as the buggy caught her shins.
“It’s ok” she replied.
“Hey is that Melissa I see in there, hello babes” she cooed at her bending to stroke her cheek with her finger.
“You must be Alex then” she said offering me her hand “I’m Debby married to Gavin in the next farm” she explained.
“Oh pleased to meet you” I said shaking her hand.
“So you here for long” she asked.
“Oh I don’t know just helping out” I replied.
“Hey let’s grab a coffee.”
“Where I asked”
The old tack shop down the end of the village has turned into a small café and bakers” she answered.
“Eh, weil I should be getting back” I said.
“Oh go on ten, fifteen minutes at most”
“Oh all right” I said and we walked off together.
We reached the café and sat down a waitress approached us.
“Can I have a black coffee and a slice of your apple cake” Debby asked “What about you Alex”
“Eh just a tea and maybe a sausage roll if you have one” I asked the waitress nodding and headed off with our order.
Debby took out a pack of menthol cigarettes “You smoke she asked”
“Eh only sometimes” I replied.
She offered them to me.
“No I’ll pass this time
Debbie lit one; she blew some smoke to her left being careful to avoid Melissa.
“So how is George then?”
“He has good days and bad” I responded.
“Is he still drinking as much” she asked.
“Some nights” I lied.
“I thought so seen him in the Old Coach House on Sunday night” she took a draw from her cigarette and went on “pretty far gone he was, with that bitch Amanda all over him.”
“Who’s Amanda” I asked.
“She’s a Social Worker from Kilmarnock, she was assigned to help George when Grace died, but I figure she has her sights set on replacing her” she said as she flicked some ash of her cigarette and went on.
“She’s tried to cop off with every farmer in the area, just wants to marry into money, even tried it on with Gavin once till I left my hand print on her jaw” she said with a smirk taking a final draw on her cigarette and crushing it out.
“Yeah he came in drunk on Sunday, and had lipstick marks on his shirt” I confirmed.
“Yeah she was all over him in the pub” she said as our food arrived.
We chatted on I told her of my forthcoming job as a teacher and she explained that she was a lady of leisure now but had worked in a salon in Ayr before meeting Gavin.
“Any children” I asked.
“No not yet maybe in year or two when the farm’s doing a bit better. Hey you two should come over for dinner one night” she asked as we finished our drinks.
“Eh maybe, I’ll ask George” I replied as she paid the bill and we got up to leave.
Outside she said “It’s been good meeting you, and try to keep him away from that slut” she said.
“Eh I’ll try but I don’t know if I can, maybe I’ll see you soon” I said as I turned and began to wheel Melissa back towards the farm.
Healing Cousin George
Part 2 - Living With George
With the weekend almost upon us I expected another bout of drinking from George and I was not to be proved wrong. George left early that Friday morning for work. I had a slightly longer lie in than normal and woke just after nine when I heard Melissa cry, grabbing my dressing gown I padded next door to her room and lifted her up to sooth her.
“There, there little one “I said as her sobbing subsided leaving the room I took her downstairs and sat her in her chair while I preceded to make her something to eat.
Flicking on the kettle for some hot water to make myself a coffee I finished off Melissa’s breakfast and began to feed her, she was a good kid as far as feeding was required no dramatic stunts or refusals she just sat back and lapped up anything you gave her. Breakfast over I took her back upstairs with me and popped her on my unmade bed she crawled and giggled around as I pulled on a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt, fastening the jeans I noticed that I was loosing weight all this running around after Melissa and skipping meals to look after her was having it’s effect on me as well, so grabbing a belt slipped it through the belt loops and pulled it tighter I must have lost a good inch of my waist I thought as I picked her up again and headed downstairs with her once more.
In the living room we had our usual morning ritual of her crawling around playing with her toys and me. This usually lasted for around an hour before she tired her self out and had a nap till lunchtime, sure enough the usual pattern evolved and by just after eleven she was sound asleep in her buggy in the kitchen while I tidied up. After lunch and a walk in the buggy down the farm tracks to watch the cows in the field we headed back to start preparations for dinner.
I fixed us some food and kept back some for George hoping that he would come home to eat but half expecting that his first port of call would be the pub and not here. Me fears turned to truth as by mid evening he had not returned as I put Melissa to sleep for the night there was still no sign of him. I flicked through TV channels till I found something to watch and settled back to watch the late evening movie. Shortly before eleven I could here the sound of a vehicle approaching walking to the porch I could see two people in the land rover as it approached the house and parked.
Pete stepped out of the driver’s side and nodded to me.
“He’s had a bit of a skinful” he said moving round the car to open the passenger door.
“I thought I’d better drive him home, he was in no fit state to do it himself” he continued
“Thanks a lot” I said as I helped him get him out of the car and towards the house, inside we dropped him on to the couch.
“Eh I better get home” he said.
“Ok you live far away” I asked,
“Not far just outside the village.”
“Well look, take the land rover and drive yourself home, he’s not going to need it tonight” I said nodding in George’s direction.
“You sure” he asked.
“Yeah it’s ok” I said.
“Well I suppose because were working in the morning again, I could bring it back then” he replied.
“Well that’s settled then, look thanks again for bringing him home”
“No problem just get him sober” he said picking up the keys and heading out the door before I heard the land rover drive off into the night.
George grunted and I went over and put on the kettle boiling some hot water, I made a strong mug of black coffee and brought it back to him, shaking him I said,
“Here drink this” putting the mug to his lips and tipping some inside a small trickle ran out the side of his mouth.
“Why the hell are you doing this George” I said in a stern voice “You’re going to loose everything if you don’t stop, Melissa the farm, everything” I repeated, making him drink some more.
I could see the start of a tear form at his eyes “Missss her soo mush, why she have to die” he said in sobs and drunken slur as he finally held the mug himself and drank some more.
“I know it’s hard” I said “But you need to pull yourself together for Melissa” I said sternly again,
“Missss her whant her bach so mush” as he continued to cry.
“Look lets get you to bed” I said.
Taking the coffee mug from him and putting it on the table. I gripped his arm and helped him to his feet staggering slightly till he got some sense of balance; we walked slowly up the stairs me gripping one side of the banister rail while he gripped the other. We reached his room and I edged open the door with my foot as I helped him inside. Easing him down on the bed I took off his jacket and loosened the front of his shirt while he struggled with his belt buckle, shirt off he leaned on my shoulders while he kicked his trousers down his legs with his feet till he stepped out of them.
“Right sleep” I said as he slumped back in the bed and covering himself with the duvet.
I picked up his clothes dropped the trousers on the chair and took the shirt with me putting the light out as I left. Downstairs I dropped the shirt in the laundry basket and ensured that the outside door’s were locked before putting the kitchen light out and climbing back upstairs to bed, deep in thought as I went.
George was up and gone by the time I rose the next morning tending to Melissa I made breakfast and then took her a walk in her pushchair this time I had packed a small lunch for both of us and headed over to a small lake which had a picnic area attached where several fishermen were busy already trying to catch trout. Taking a seat with the buggy I watched them fish from the edge of the lake while another sat out in the middle of the calm water in a small wooden boat.
We spent about and hour sitting staring idly into space me teasing Melissa from time to time with my fingers while I sat deep in thought about George and his problems. He was still so cut up over Grace’s death, but what was I to do, he had to pull himself together maybe Amanda would do the trick but then Debby had been so sure that she was just a gold digger and would probably pack Melissa off to some boarding school at the first available opportunity. No there had to be another way but how, I thought as I started the trek with Melissa in the buggy back to the farmhouse.
Saturday night followed a similar pattern, I was learning now not to prepare any dinner for George so after me and Melissa had a light dinner and she was settled for the night in her cot downstairs I curled up on the sofa in front of the roaring coal fire to watch some TV. By eleven o’clock I was beginning to drop off as the fire died, so carefully picking up Melissa I switched off the lights and carried her upstairs, depositing her in her own room I moved along the hallway and walked into my room, undressing I slipped under the covers and flipped on the reading light, I had only read about a chapter when I dozed off.
I’m not sure how long it was but I was awoken by the noise of a car roaring up our driveway. My book still open at open at the place where I had dropped of I lifted it closing it and placing it on the bedside table I got up and crossed to the window pulling back the curtain slightly I peered outside. A car was visible in the weak light from the porch I could see George step out moving unsteadily round to the other side he leaned towards the open window a woman’s face appeared and there lips met , lingering for a minute before he stood up and walked drunkenly to the door. I let the curtain go and returned to bed, sounds of him banging around downstairs as I settled down to go back to sleep.
The next morning George was ill, Pete appeared to collect him for work and I apologised.
“Yeah he’d had a skin full when I saw him last night” Pete said,
“I’m really sorry” I said.
“It’s ok there’s not much to do today I just need to see to the cattle, can do that myself” he went on.
“Ok and thanks again” I repeated closing the door before returning to Melissa.
Mum and Dad were coming over later today for a visit so I tidied up and changed Melissa into a new dress before changing myself and having a shave. Shortly before midday I heard their car pull up, George had still not surfaced as I opened the door to welcome them.
“Hi Alex how’s it going” Dad asked.
“Ok, eh George is in bed ill” I lied, as they stepped inside. Mom drew me the yeah right look as she sat down. We made small talk around Melissa and how well she was looking, how was I coping with her etc.
“How about we all drive into Kilmarnock for lunch” Mum asked.
“Eh I suppose so, I’ll just see how George is” I said as I moved towards the stairs.
George was still flat out as I crossed the room picking up the discarded shirt and trousers as I went towards the bed. Emptying the pockets I took out his rather bulging wallet and some coins the other pocket had a comb and a piece of glossy paper in it, looking down I saw the remains of a ripped open condom packet, stopping, I dropped it,
“Well it looks like Amanda got lucky last night” I said to myself as I bent to retrieve it.
Walking the last few paces to the bed I shook George lightly,
“George we are going out for lunch” I said as he stirred.
“Ehh, eh what” he mumbled.
“I said were going out for lunch, I’m taking Melissa with me, ok”
“Eh yeah” he said turning over his face burying in the pillow.
“Ok see you later” I said walking to the door and closing it.
Back downstairs I deposited the clothing in the wash basket and carefully disposed of the condom wrapper in the bin before my parents could see it,
“You ready” a call came from the lounge,
“Yeah” I said entering the room and reaching for Melissa I lifted her and her collapsed buggy
“Let’s go then” Dad said.
“George still not well” then Mum asked with a touch or sarcasm.
“Eh, eh no still a bit under the weather” I said as we stepped outside and into the cool afternoon sunshine.
Conversation was slow over lunch with updates on what was going on at home how Ashley and Megan were getting on, how work was going for my parents, and information on the usual local gossip. With our meals over dad went to the toilet and to get another round of drinks,
“It’s not going well Alex is it” mum said hitting me with a direct question as soon as he left his seat and was out of earshot,
I hesitated “Ups and downs” I said “Weekends are the worst he’s not too bad during the week now only a couple of drinks a night but its binge drinking at it’s worst at the weekends, plus he’s got some tramp running around after him” I blurted out.
“It needs to stop Alex”
“Yeah I know but I feel so sorry for him, the other night he was in tears again over Grace” I replied. I continued “Melissa’s great, I’m so attached to her now”
“But your not her parent, Alex, George needs to be responsible for her” she said with an edge.
“Yeah I know but I don’t know what else I can do he misses Grace so much” I stuttered
“Well you need to think of some way of getting him to overcome his problems” she said as Dad approached with our drinks.
“I’ll try” I said.
“I know you will dear” she said.
For the rest of the lunch I was distracted, just how was I going to heal George.
Healing Cousin George
Part 3 - New Tactics
I’m not sure why I choose the path that I choose that morning, maybe it was born out of some frustration over the situation that I found myself in, or the deep desire to keep a loving family together. However, I do know that I have never regretted it since.
The morning began just as any other day had; George was gone by the time I woke. I checked on Melissa, got her dressed and then made some breakfast. Our usual morning routine of frolicking around in the house before a short walk in the buggy down the farm road, stopping to watch the cows in the field Melissa giggling and pointing at the animals trying to take in the scenes and sights around her as a child does. By the time we had arrived back at the house Melissa was out cold, carefully lifting her out of the buggy I carried her upstairs and put her down in her cot.
Leaving the door open so I could hear her if she woke up; I climbed the few steps to the loft and opened the door. I was not sure what I was about to do was right or sensible but the idea sounded good in my head. Opening the box’s containing Grace’s clothes I selected a few items including shoes, there was a toilet bag containing some cosmetics and underwear, off to the right I spotted a shelf where there was what appeared to be a couple of heads on the shelf, crossing over to my surprise I found that they were two wig stands one with a golden blonde wig and the other with a light brown wig, both around shoulder length thick and luscious hair with a fringe that swept across the forehead. Collecting everything I had picked up I left the room and closed the door.
Walking in to the bathroom my heart was thumping, was I right, how mad this idea was, I thought to myself. Removing my clothes I stripped off and began to dress. The underwear in place I padded the bra with some rolled up socks I had taken from my room and then pulled the black shiny cap sleeve blouse over my shoulders and fastened the buttons. Pulling on some tan tights I slipped the blue denim skirt up my legs. It was a slight struggle to get the button fastened at the back and the zip fully up, but eventually I managed it. I stepped into the two inch kitten heeled shoes I had chosen, a bit tight I thought and a bit wobbly but a couple of minutes of walking around the bath room and I had perfected my balance.
I left the bathroom and went into George’s room where there was a mirrored dressing table which I presumed that Grace had used many times. Sitting down I opened the cosmetics bag and looked at the products in front of me. I had used make up before as a member of the college drama group we had frequently put on play’s where some sort of stage make up was required so I had a fair idea of what I was doing. Twenty minutes later I was pulling on the wig.
The wig in place looking in the mirror I caught my breath, “Jesus I thought you really look like a woman” I said. Looking through a couple of drawers in the dresser I came across a jewel box opening it I found what must have been Graces, jewellery collection. There was not a great deal but I found a gold watch with an expanding band a couple of gold bangles a gold chain and a pair of simple gold leaf earring’s with clips. Putting on the jewellery I stood up and sprayed some perfume on my hands and neck that I had found upstairs. Looking in the full length wardrobe mirror I was stunned to see a female looking back at me, Ok not the most shapely woman in the world but one that would definitely not be read as a guy in a dress.
Melissa stirred me into action as I heard her gently sob, through the open bathroom door. I turned and walked towards her room, entering I picked her up my change in appearance had no obvious effect on her a couple of soothing words as I cradled her to my fake boobs and she was once again peaceful. I carried her downstairs and deposited her in her buggy pushing the buggy into the conservatory to catch some afternoon sunlight. I pushed the buggy up beside the settee and sat down crossing my legs in a ladylike manner was a surprising reaction. I pulled over a TV magazine from the coffee table and started to glance through it. Melissa stirred “What’s wrong darling, you want some juice” I asked getting up I left the conservatory and went to get her bottle taking it from the fridge I returned towards the conservatory and opened the door. A rap on the window, I looked up and stared ahead caught like a rabbit in headlights I stood transfixed, there at the window stood a smartly dressed female smiling towards me and gesturing for me to open the door.
She gestures towards the door again and I awoke from my trance like state and put the bottle down on the table and walked towards the door, “Christ I’ve blown it now” I said quietly to myself as I reached the patio windows. I turned the catch and pushed the door open, she stepped towards me.
“Hi I’m Amanda” she said offering me her hand.
“Eh Alex” I said “you startled me a bit I wasn’t expecting you” I continued.
“Just thought I’d pop by see if George is around and how this lovely baby is” she said
She moved past me and towards Melissa. Crouching in front of her she put out her hand and made some of those annoying noises that adult’s make expecting babies to understand them. She turned,
“George didn’t mention you were a girl” she said with an edge in her voice.
Girl did she just say, I’d pulled it off she thought I was a girl, I relaxed slightly.
“Didn’t he, Alex is short for Alexandria” I said, “would you like a coffee” I asked.
“Yeah that would be nice milk and no sugar please, we need to look after our figures” she said through a slightly forced smile.
“Ok, back in a minute” I said walking towards the kitchen.
I busied my self with the kettle in the kitchen, I’d got away with it I thought she really thinks I’m a girl I thought as the water boiled and I spooned some coffee into two mugs. “Just stay calm” I said to myself act naturally she won’t stay long. Picking up the cups I walked back to the conservatory and went in, Amanda was sitting on the settee her briefcase by her feet, I handed her the cup and sat on the opposite settee putting the hot cup on a coaster I sat down being sure to cross my legs in a lady like manner.
“George not here then” she asked sipping her coffee and looking around.
“No out in the fields” I said thinking how daft a question that was, he’s a farmer for gods sake where else would he be. She went on,
“We had a great night the other week there down the pub; he’s so nice, isn’t he,”
“Yeah I suppose so” I said sounding disinterested.
“You got a boyfriend” she asked, god she’s fishing I thought.
“No not just now” I answered.
“You’ll need to come down the village with us one night, I’ll find you a nice young local man” she replied.
“Eh I’m quite happy as I am” I said.
“Fair enough, Melissa looks well” she said glancing round at her quickly.
Finally she gets to Melissa I thought, it’s your job to monitor her welfare, glad to see you’re interested,
“Yes she’s really well, such a darling I love her to bits.”
She opened her purse and took out a pack of cigarettes.
“You mind” she asked.
“Eh well I’d rather you stepped outside, Melissa’s here,”
“Oh yeah”, I forgot she said as she rose, I got up with her and we both moved towards the door and stepped out onto the patio.
“You smoke” she asked offering them towards me.
“Only when I’m out socially” I replied and declined she took one out and lit up.
We stood outside in silence as she finished her cigarette and coffee,
“I better be off the, some other calls to make, nice to meet you,” she said handing me the cup and walking back inside she picked up her case and walked back to the door.
“Tell George I popped buy and I’ll call him, we can go out this weekend, if you change your mind remember come along” she said with another forced smile.
“I will” I replied as I slid the door shut and she walked off.
Back inside I sat down and drank the last of luke warm coffee and then it hit me in full, what the hell have I done George will go mad when I tell him and how do I explain this I thought looking down at the denim skirt and my tan coloured legs. More importantly how can I go back now that I’ve met Amanda?
“I can explain...” I stammered.
“Alex is that you? What the fuck are you doing? And is that Grace’s clothes you’re wearing?”
I sat quietly in the kitchen contemplating my situation; how the hell had I got into this. My half baked idea of bringing a woman at home back into George’s life had certainly backfired. He had a woman I thought Amanda, but then again she was only interested in one thing and it certainly wasn’t Melissa. How would he react, most likely I would be on the first train home in the morning and then how do I explain my return home to my parents?
The shadows were lengthening as I stirred and began to make the evening meal here I was dressed as a woman making dinner for my cousin and his daughter how bizarre was that. The meal almost complete and my nerves and stress level’s rising I walked into the conservatory to check on Melissa she was fast asleep
I picked up the used coffee cups form my earlier encounter with Amanda, as I passed the settee I looked down. There, sort of half covered by a cushion, was Amanda’s pack of cigarettes. She must have dropped them when she picked up her bag. I lifted the pack and opened it; "Just what I need!" I thought "to calm my nerves." I had noticed a slim gold lighter, which must have been Grace’s, in a drawer in the lounge. I walked through and found it, then headed back to the conservatory, I stepped outside and removed a cigarette from the packet. Lifting it to my lips, I gripped it and sparked the lighter into life, pushing the tip into the flame. I inhaled the cool menthol flavour filling my mouth as the distant sound of a land rover heading this way became evident. George was coming home. I stubbed out the cigarette and went back inside.
I watched discretely from an upstairs window as George stepped out of the vehicle, praying that he would not ask Pete in. Happily he did not and Pete crossed to the barn in seconds the sound of his motorbike roared into life as he sped out of the barn and back down the farm road. George busied himself garaging the land rover for the night locking up the barn and checking on some of the livestock in the cattle shed. Then just as the outhouse lights ignited on their timer’s I saw him head toward the house. For some bizarre reason I straightened my skirt and fluffed up my hair before descending the stairs as I hit the bottom the sound of the door opening greeted me.
“Alex, I’m back. How’s my daughter been today?”
He still had not seen me. His back turned as he closed the door behind him.
“Eh good.” I answered. Silence, as he looked across the room at me. A long pause as he stared. His eyes adjusted to the sight.
“I can explain...” I stammered.
“Alex is that you? What the fuck are you doing? And is that Grace’s clothes you’re wearing?”
For the next ten minutes or so, I tried as best I could to explain my dress and why I had done it: my concerns over George’s welfare, his drinking, my daft idea that maybe having a woman around the house would help cure it or change his habits, him blurting out the other night about getting Grace back etc. He questioned me had I done this sort of thing before, was I gay, both of which I nervously denied.
“Ok, then just go upstairs and get changed. And let’s say no more about it.” he announced.
“Eh there’s just one slight problem with that” I said.
“What” he said agitated with the situation.
“Well you had a visitor this afternoon” he looked at me his mood deepening.
“Who?” he asked.
“Amanda.” this lit the blue touch paper.
“You mean to say that you were prancing around the house in Grace’s clothes and my Social Worker saw you?” I nodded sheepishly.
“Well that’s just fucking fantastic! I’d be surprised if she’s not putting the papers together just now to have Melissa taken into care. Single parent father with cross dressing babysitter. That’s just fucking wonderful! I can just see the headlines now.” I heard Melissa begin to cry.
“Don’t shout! You're scaring her.” I said.
“Scare her? That’s the least of my worries just now. Did she say anything?”
“Eh no. I think I got away with it. She thought I was a woman.” I replied.
“At least that’s something.”
Melissa continued to cry. I stood and started to go towards her.
“Leave her.” he commanded “I’ll see to her. Right now I can’t bear to look at you. Get out of my sight!”
I turned and ran up the stairs leaving the scene behind. Bursting into my room I needed a cigarette picking up the packet. I opened the window and leaned out, lit the ciggie, and blew out a cool stream of smoke as the night air swirled around me. Then I began to cry.
At first, I could hear noises of George banging around in the kitchen. Melissa had quietened down by now. The noises stopped and assumed both had sat down to dinner; I was not in the least bit hungry, I had more on my mind. Somehow I must have dropped off; I awoke with a light tapping at the door.
“Alex. Are you ok?” George asked.
I got up and some sort of instinct took over. I looked in the mirror and fluffed up the wig I still had on. There were some dark blotches under my eyes where I had been crying, and the mascara had run. I picked up a tissue and walked towards the door dabbing my eyes as I went. I opened it slowly.
“Can I come in? We have to talk.”
I stepped aside and George walked in.
“Do you want me to go home?” I asked.
He sighed.
“That’s not really practical is it? I still need someone for Melissa.” He hesitated. I walked over and picked up the cigarettes and took one out. Lighting it, I sat on the bed.
“So what do we do?" I asked, looking to him for some help.
“Well, we don’t have much choice, do we? Amanda knows about you, you can’t just transform back into Alex the boy." he said.
“So what do we do?” I asked, getting a bit anxious.
“Well, either you go home and I hire someone else, or you stay and stay as Alex,” I looked at him
“You mean like this?” I gestured towards my dress as I blew out a cloud of smoke.
“Well, yes. I suppose” he answered. There was a pause.
“Eh, I don’t know. What if I muck up and someone finds out?”
“Well you said you tricked Amanda and you had me fooled for a minute downstairs, so maybe we can make it work.”
“Oh I don’t know if I could do it. I’d need some help some tips or coaching with things.” I said
“The less people that know the better. Who did you have in mind?” he asked.
“Well I met Debby in the village a couple of days back she seems nice.”
“Debby Cairns who’s married to Gavin?” he asked.
“Yeah that’s her.” he paused.
“I’m not sure about that” I interrupted.
“It’ll be ok. I’ll call her tomorrow swear her to secrecy ask her to help me with clothes and make up.”
I could see him thinking.
“Ok let’s both think about it overnight, we'll talk about it in the morning.”
“Ok, see you in the morning” I said.
He got up to leave. As he reached the door, he turned.
“Oh just one thing. Alex, if your going to do this, then I don’t want you wearing any of Grace's things, Ok? If you're going to do this, you need to get your own clothes.” I nodded.
“Good. Then get some sleep” he said as he left the room.
The next morning, I got up early before George had left for his days work on the farm. Dressing in a pair of jeans and a tee shirt I padded downstairs. George was busy filling a flask of coffee as I entered the kitchen and went opened the bread bin to get some bread and make some toast.
“Sleep well?” he asked.
“As well as I could.“ I answered.
“You thought about our talk last night?” he asked.
“Didn’t think about much else.” I replied
“And?”
“Well... I guess I’ve got no choice. I’ll need to be Alex for the summer or however long I’m here.”
He looked at me “You sure?” he asked again.
“Well there’s no way I want you to lose Melissa because of something I did. And Dad would go crazy if you got someone who’s not family to look after her. So, I guess I need to run with it.”
“Ok, well, you need your own clothes as I said and I don’t want you wearing Grace’s stuff.” he said reaching inside his jacket pocket he brought out his wallet.
“Here, take this. The pin number’s 3916” he said handing me a cash line card.
“Eh, thanks” I said.
“But don’t go mad” he said as he picked up his lunch and flask and headed for the door.
“I’ll see you later” he said as he walked out into the bright morning sunshine.
The toaster popped and I picked up the two bronzed slices of bread and spread a little marmalade on each. Sitting at the table I mulled over my decision this was going to be one hell of a challenge and I could still not believe I was going to try and pull it off. But hey! It was my own fault! Finishing the toast, I put the plate in the sink and headed towards the lounge. I looked in the phone book and found the number I wanted. Picking up the receiver, I dialed the number. It rang.
“3689412” came the answer.
“Eh, Debbie, is that you?” I waited.
“Yeah. Who is this?”
“It’s Alex, remember? I’m looking after Melissa.”
“Oh yeah! How are you?”
“Eh, ok. But I’ve got a bit of a problem and I need some help. Are you busy?”
“No, not really. I was going into town later, but nothing that can’t wait. What can I do?”
I paused.
“Can you come over?” I asked. “I’m in a bit of a fix and need some help.”
“Is there something wrong with Melissa?”
“No, it’s not that. It’s me that needs your help.”
"Sounds intriguing” she said.
I hesitated.
“It’s, well... it’s a bit awkward. I’ll explain when you get here”
“Ok. see you about ten.”
“Thanks” I replied.
“No problem then. See you later.” she finished. Then she was gone.
I stood up. “Well I’ve done it now!” I said to myself. I returned to the kitchen and washed up the dirty dishes and then headed off to see to Melissa.
Today was going to be an interesting day.
“So how can I help” she asked.
“Well” I hesitated “We can’t go back now, god knows what would happen if she found out, Melissa might end up in care or worse” I said.
“So what are you going to do,” I paused,
“Well I need to become Alex the girl.”
Just before ten I heard the sound of Debbie’s four wheel drive, screech to a halt outside the farmhouse. I walked to the door and opened it Debbie climbing the couple of steps up to the door she said “Hi! What’s the emergency?”
“You better come in,” I said, stepping back to allow her to pass.
“You want a drink” I asked,
“Bit early is it not” she replied.
“You might need one” I said with an edge to my voice.
“Eh just a coffee then, no sugar just a spot of milk” she continued. I walked to the kettle and flicked it on the amber light glowing as the water heated. Pouring the hot water into two mugs I picked them up and returned to the lounge Debbie was looking in at Melissa who was gurgling incomprehensible as she scratched at her chest.
“Absolutely lovely kid” she said turning and sitting on the settee. I put her coffee down and sat opposite.
“So what’s the problem?” she asked.
“Eh I need your help, it’s a little difficult” I began.
Ten minutes later Debbie was in fits of laughter the words struggling to come out between giggles. “It’s not funny” I said a bit angry at her. “Oh it is, I’d love to have seen the look on her face a young woman looking after her boyfriend’s child, she must have been spitting feathers” she said before breaking down into the giggles again.
“I think I fooled her” I said.
“Must have done she would have been in touch with George by now if you hadn’t” she said.
“So how can I help” she asked.
“Well” I hesitated “We can’t go back now, god knows what would happen if she found out, Melissa might end up in care or worse” I said.
“So what are you going to do,” I paused,
“Well I need to become Alex the girl.” I said, hardly believing I had just said that.
“You mean full time?” she asked with a surprised tone.
“Well while I’m here looking after Melissa anyway” I said continuing “So that’s where you come in. You need to turn me into Alex.”
“You’re serious about this?” she asked sipping her coffee before putting it back on the table. I nodded.
She sat considering what I had just asked looking me over in silence “Stand up” she said I stood “Do a little twirl” she said I turned full circle. “Yeah I think it could work,” she said.
“You’ll do it then?” I asked.
“Yeah it’ll be fun and if it gets up Miss Social Workers nose then so much the better,” she said.
“When?” I asked, nervously.
“Well there’s no time like the present, let’s go to my place,” she said draining the last of her coffee and lifting our two mugs she headed to the kitchen, calling over her shoulder.
“You get Melissa, and I’ll meet you at the car.” I walked over and lifted Melissa still not quite believing that I was about to do this but somewhere deep down I had the feeling that it would turn out alright and it was the right thing to do. I walked out into the sunlight and met Debbie.
“You better get in the back, and keep low she said in case we run into Amanda.”
“Ok.” I said climbing in and carefully putting Melissa on the back seat in her small carry cot I held on to it ducking down to be hidden from the outside world.
“You ready?” she asked.
“I guess so.” I replied.
“This is going to be fun” she said as she started the engine and we began to head down the driveway away from the farm.
We must have been driving for 10 to 15 minutes when the car began to slow and then stopped.
“Were here” Debbie called form the front “You can get up now.” I rose a bit cramped and picked up Melissa as the door opened and I stepped out.
“Lovely house,” I commented, looking at the modern structure in front of me.
“Oh, we rebuilt it about three years ago. I would love to have kept the old farm house like yours; just done it up a bit, but structurally it was a mess so it was best to rebuild. Anyway, let’s get moving. It’s going to be a busy day." We went inside and upstairs to the main bedroom. “Put Melissa down on the bed. I'll watch over her while you have a bath”
“Eh, a bath?” I asked, as she handed me a bottle.
“Rub that all over your skin but not on your head” she said. “Oh and take this,” she handed me a light lemon bathrobe trimmed with white “I’ll meet you back in here in half an hour, now shoo!”
I walked to the bathroom and stepped inside to find one of those large old style tubs in the centre of the room. Turning on the hot water I let it run looking around I spotted some bath salts lifting the bottle I tipped some in the smell reaching my nostrils, I looked at the bottle.
Scent of a Woman it was called. “Hope it works. I need all the help I can get.” I said to myself as I began to strip off my clothes. Naked, I rubbed in the cream that she had given me all over my body before stepping down into to the hot bubbly water. I lay there thinking about what I was doing. "I must be mad," I thought. Just then, the door opened, and Debbie stepped in picking up my jeans and shirt.
I said, “Hey! A bit of privacy! And where are you going with my stuff?”
“Well you won’t be needing them and you’ve not got anything I haven't seen before” she said with a grin, before leaving the bathroom.
Half an hour later, I patted myself dry and pulled on the dressing gown. Padding back to the bedroom, I found Debbie was searching in her drawers for something as I entered.
“You used that cream I gave you?”
“Yes.” I replied.
“So you’re nice and hairless and smooth now?” she asked with a grin.
“Yes."
“You used it everywhere?” she teased.
I knew what she was trying to get out of me.
“Yes” I said again for the third time.
She giggled.
“Not to worry. I’m commando down there as well.” she said
“Debbie, I don’t need to know that!” I blushed while looking at her.
“It’s ok. Its only girls here together. We tell thing’s like that to each other” she said with a smile before handing me a pair of light blue panties. “Here put these on. They’ll be a bit tight. And go sit over by the dresser. I’ll be back in a minute” she said leaving me alone.
I sat on the edge of the bed and pulled the soft silky panties up my smooth legs. I’d expected some sort of reaction in my groin, but there was nothing. Maybe it was the nerves of sitting half naked in Debbie’s bedroom. I don’t know but there was nothing. I pushed my flaccid penis back between my legs. Looking down, I could see the outline of a female. Just then Debbie returned with what looked like a large toolbox.
“Eh I hope there’s no surgery involved in your plan” I said with a nervous laugh.
“No, this is my beauty box, which is going to turn you into a ravishing female. Now get over here and sit down,” she pointed to a dressing table with a small stool.
I rose and walked over towards it sitting down. She crossed behind me and gleamed, “Now we can begin.”
“You need to learn to flirt” she went on,"It's all part of the fun of life.”
“Eh maybe. Look, it’s ok for you, but I’m not exactly what I seem, am I?” I said as we walked along
“What you worrying about? You were a natural and they never suspected a thing,” she said, as we turned towards the car.
“No, I don’t think they did. But you weren’t the one that was getting their leg felt up.”
Debbie spent the next hour or so working on my face,hair and nails. I protested a bit when she suggested cutting my hair into a more female style.
“I only met Amanda yesterday. She will notice the difference” I said.
“Don’t be silly Alex! Women change their hair styles all the time. So you had a trip to the hairdressers - so what?” she said giggling as she spoke.
“Eh I suppose so” I mumbled, so my hair was restyled.
“There done” she said as she shaped my fingernails finished and painted them with a light pink nail polish.
“Can I look” I asked.
“No not yet let’s get you dressed and then you can get the full effect,” she led me over to her closet.
“My stuff will probably be a bit tight on you so we need to do something about that.”
She opened the closet and rummaged around on the top shelf a bit. “Here this will do she said pulling down a boned corset from the shelf. “Now lean on the bed frame, while I put this on” she asked.
I put both hands on the metal bed rail and bent slightly she pulled the silky garment around me and started to pull in the laces.
“Breathe in a bit” she asked so I did.
I could feel the garment tighten around my waist and pull it in. Finished pulling she asked “Can you breathe, ok.”
“Yeah I suppose it feels a bit tight, and I’m not sure if I could bend easy” I responded,
“Don’t worry the feeling will pass, now let’s get the rest of your outfit sorted, times ticking and we have shopping to do.”
The rest of my outfit consisted of a light blue bra to match the panties I was wearing which she stuffed with some padding to give me the impression of breasts, a pair of tan tights, followed by some tight blue denims and a dark navy wrap round cotton top which although a bit low at the front was still adequate to cover my false cleavage. Shoes were a pair of 3 inch navy leather pumps with a thicker heel.
“Stiletto’s might be too much for you just yet but we do need to buy some, their essential” she joked as I walked around the room to practice.
Lending me a watch and a gold necklace and some gold bangles she produced a pair of clip on earring’s which she fitted to my ears.
“Voila the new Alex is born” she said.
“Can I look now” I asked.
“Yep” she said taking my hand and leading towards another cupboard in the bedroom, she opened the door inside the door was a full length mirror positioning her hand on my waist she moved me in line with the mirror.
“What do you think then” she asked, I stood open mouthed looking at the sight before me
“Jesus Christ” I said quietly. Looking at the sight in front of me I was dumbfounded in the mirror stood a hot young woman with a modern trendy hairstyle flawless make up and a good figure.
“Right that’s enough we’ve got shopping to do, go downstairs while I freshen up a bit then we are off to Glasgow to hit the credit cards” with that I left the room and negotiated my way downstairs.
I sat in the lounge carefully crossing my legs as I had watched women do countless times before, my mind fixed on the task ahead of creating Alex’s female wardrobe. Although I was about to be let loose en femme in a big city I was strangely confident that everything would be ok, Debbie’s transformation of me had created a vision of femininity I could never have imagined, licking my lips I could taste the lipstick and liked how I felt.
Fifteen minutes later Debbie appeared dressed in a short black denim skirt with black leather stiletto pumps a white satin top clung to her body showing the outline of her breasts making me wish that I had something similar to fill the cups of the bra I wore.
“Let’s go” she said as she handed me a white wool waist length jacket with a tie belt and a white leather shoulder bag which I slung over my shoulder the way I had observed female members of my family do.
“I took the cash card out of your trousers it’s in the purse in the bag” she announced
“Eh thanks” I said picking up Melissa and cradling her to my chest. We stepped out into the bright afternoon sunshine our two sets of heels clicking on the concrete path as we headed to the car. A strange feeling coming over me as I walked en femme to the car a feeling difficult to explain but dressed and carrying Melissa as I was I really began to feel that I was her mother.
We drove in silence each probably unsure in the unusual situation what to say to each other. As we reached the outskirts of Glasgow Debbie asked me to get her a cigarette out of her bag. I picked up the bag on the backseat and opened it taking out the packet as Debbie pushed in the cigarette lighter on the dashboard.
“Eh can I have one as well” I asked
“Eh if you want what’s wrong” she enquired.
“Just a bit nervous” I replied.
“You’ll be fine, look at you no one would guess you were a guy,”
“I know and thanks, but I’m still a bit spooked” I said.
The lighter popped out as I handed her the cigarette and took another from the pack she pushed the head into the lighter and inhaled deeply handing me the lighter over her shoulder I took it from her and did the same before handing it back to her. We both rolled down the windows and sat back to enjoy the cigarette and the last of our journey, I looked down at the white filter of the cigarette with the faint pink stain and little sparkles caused by the lip gloss Debbie had used on my lips. As I took a final draw and exhaled a slim cool stream of smoke towards the gap at the top of the window before extinguishing it in the ashtray. We turned left into a narrow street and towards a large multi storey car park. “Were here” Debbie said a smile breaking out as we travelled the final few yards to our destination.
We both got out of the car and opened up the buggy placing Melissa safely in the buggy we set of, taking the lift down to the ground floor we stepped out into the daylight our eyes adjusting to the bright sunlight as we walked along the street.
“I can’t believe I’m doing this” I said in a hushed voice to Debbie.
“Its fine no one’s given you a second glance” she said smiling over at me, as we turned into a busy Argyle Street which was packed with shoppers.
“How much has he given you to spend” Debbie asked.
“Don’t know but I suppose there’s a withdrawal limit on the card” I replied, “Tight git” she said laughing.
“I’ll help you out today you can pay me back when you see George” she said as we steeped towards an automatic teller.
“Maybe I shouldn’t go mad; I mean it’s only for a short period.” I said.
“Rubbish you know how he’s been working on that bit of land up in the woods, well it’s right by the new road they are going to build, sold it for about quarter of a million” Debbie announced, “Anyway a girl can never have enough clothes” she said with a smirk on her face.
I stopped stared at her “He never said” I responded.
“No well you spend what you like I’ll cover you, you can pay me back later.” I put the card in the machine as I thought there was a daily limit of £500 so I took it all and stashed it away in the purse in my bag.
“Let’s get busy then” Debbie said and off the two of us strode into the shopping crowds.
Three hours later we were laden down with bags as we headed back to the car with our purchases my “allowance” well and truly gone and a sizeable chunk added to Debbie’s credit card.
“George will go mad” I said.
“He’ll be fine with it, anyway a girl can never have enough clothes” Debbie reassured me.
“But I’m not a girl” I said in a hushed tone.
“Don’t think any of the shop assistants thought that, especially that guy in the shoe store who was eyeing you up” she said.
“He was not” I said as a blush spread across my face.
“Whatever, take it from one who knows, he was” she replied.
The afternoon had been one of hitting as many stores as possible, me a nervous wreck at first as we sought out bargains. Changing rooms had been a problem for me at first but with Debbie in tow I had overcome my fear as she followed me in passing on advice on whether the item suited or not.
As we reached the car we pack our purchases away, shoes, boots, jeans, trousers, tops, skirts and a couple of dresses all for use of the new Alex.
“Ok let’s grab a bite to eat” Debbie said.
“Eh I don’t know” I said.
“Look you’ve marched around en femme all afternoon tried on clothes, not a single second glance, so going for a bit of dinner won’t hurt” she said.
“Ok I suppose not and it might be fun” I said with my new found confidence.
“Good let’s go then I’m starved “she said as she locked the car and we walked away.
We found one of those chain pubs serving reasonably priced meals and that allowed children in. Seated at a small booth by the window we looked out over the bustling city as offices began to close and workers began to make their way home.
We scanned the menu “What would you like” Debbie asked “Eh maybe fish and chips” I replied.
“Eh I don’t think so you’ve got a figure to look after now” she said a smirk crossing over her face as the waitress approached.
“Well’ have two tuna salads and two glasses of house white” she asked as the young girl scribbled the order down and off she went.
“I’ve enjoyed today” Debbie said.
“I think what your enjoying is the though of putting one over Amanda” said as she lit a cigarette and offered me one.
“Well there is that” she said as she offered me a light.
A few minutes later our food arrived and we sat in silence eating our snack. After our meal Amanda lit up again and offered me one I declined.
“See those two guy’s over at the bar they have been eyeing us up for the last half our or so” not used to the protocol I snapped my head round.
“Alex don’t be so obvious” she said quietly.
Two business men were standing just beside the bar I could feel myself blush as they smiled in my direction. One sort of made some head gesture to Debbie who nodded and then began to walk over. Turning towards Debbie I said.
“What you doing asking them over” in a panicky voice, “No sweat” she said taking a drag from her cigarette and exhaling a plume of white smoke towards the ceiling.
“Anyway you need the practice.”
It turned out that they both worked in a local law firm just around the corner both were pleasant and easy to talk to. My initial fear grew less as the minutes went on, we told them we were up from Ayrshire they joked about county girls, we talked jobs the weather etc etc. About 45 minutes later and a bit to my relief Debbie finally let if be known that she was married and kindly announced that I was engaged to the father of the little girl in the buggy, blushing slightly as she did it I was still relieved as we got up to go, we said our goodbyes and headed out on to the street.
“That was fun” she said.
“For you maybe” I said.
“You need to learn to flirt” she went on,"It's all part of the fun of life.”
“Eh maybe. Look, it’s ok for you, but I’m not exactly what I seem, am I?” I said as we walked along
“What you worrying about? You were a natural and they never suspected a thing,” she said, as we turned towards the car.
“No, I don’t think they did. But you weren’t the one that was getting their leg felt up.” She turned around laughing out loud.
“He didn’t, well the sleazy bugger and you little Miss Prim one day out and your trying to hook guy’s in bars, your worth the watching” we both burst into laughter as we reached the car and got in to begin or journey home.
We arrived back at the farm just as the light was beginning to fade.
“Thanks for today, I don’t know how I would have managed without you” I said.
“No problem I loved it, it’s good to have a girlfriend to go shopping with, it can get a bit lonely out in the sticks.” She said as she pulled out a cigarette and lit it.
“Well don’t get to used to it, this is a short term gig” I said.
“Yeah but it’s going to be fun.”
I opened the door and stepped out as did Debbie she helped me unload the bags and carry them and a now sleeping Melissa up to the door.
“You want to come in” I asked.
“Eh no, I think I’ll let the new Alex introduce herself to George on her own” she said lightly kissing my cheek she handed me a package.
“What’s this” I asked.
“Eh just one of those tone up exercise DVD’s just do the exercises it will tone up those areas that females have it will make you a bit more convincing” she said.
“Eh thanks” I stammered not sure whether to feel offended or to thank her for helping.
“I’ll get the money back to you soon” I said as she stepped down the first stair back towards the car.
“No problem, I’ll drive over tomorrow see how you are getting on, ok” she asked.
”Yeah that would be nice I said as she waved and turned her back to me, reaching the car she got in waved again and then started the engine and drove off.
I opened that door and wheeled Melissa inside the buggy inside I made two trips back out onto the porch to carry in my clothing it still felt a bit strange carrying in all these bags from well know high street stores all renowned for there range of female apparel. Laying them down I spotted George in the lounge watching some TV. I walked towards the lounge with Melissa,
“Hi there were back” I said in my new softer voice, he turned and stopped, silence and then,
“Jesus what a change,”
“You like it” I said a smile creeping over my lips.
“Well I don’t know about like but it certainly works. I would never have recognised you, Debbie has worked wonders”
“Yeah I know, and we owe her some money I’m afraid I overspent a bit”
“Eh that’s ok it’s for a good cause” he said.
“Well I’m going to unpack so can you spend some time with your daughter” I said.
“Yeah no problem” and with that I left them behind and went to take my new world upstairs.
I packed all my male Alex stuff away in the case I had arrived with making a mental note to stash it away in the loft in the morning. The sight of soft lingerie in the drawers now, while in the wardrobe hung various skirts and dresses with shoes and boots of varying styles and heel heights lay below. Finished I closed the door and went downstairs, George was playing with Melissa on the couch as I entered a smile creeping across my face.
“You want a drink” I asked
“No, but you have one” he replied as I walked towards the kitchen.
Grabbing a bottle of wine from the wine rack I returned to the lounge. Kicking of my shoes I poured a glass and sat down pulling my legs up on to the sofa below me.
“You have a good day” he asked.
“Yeah it was kinda strange at first but I got used to it.”
“I bet it was” he said before continuing “Debbie’s really done a good job though” he said
“Thanks” I replied sipping some of the cool wine from the glass and aware of the slight lipstick mark on the rim.
“I better get Melissa ready for bed” I said about to rise.
“Eh its ok I’ll take her up, you finish your wine” he said lifting her and swinging her in the air she giggled “Say good night to Alex” he said as she gurgled as they walked towards the stairs.
I sat and thought about the day, my confidence high it had indeed gone well I had wandered around a major city en femme shopped, been chatted up in pubs and not one second glance I could do this I thought as I poured another glass of wine, what more part of me was enjoying it.
When George returned we sat and chatted about the day , maybe it was just me but I noted a change in him, no swearing as he talked of his day, a bit more attentive to what I said and more polite indeed just as you would expect a gentleman to react in front of a lady, eh hold that thought I said inside to myself a lady well not really but you know what I mean. Maybe this plan was going to work after all, I sure hoped so.
“You know this is really working out for you,” she said.
“How do you mean?” I asked.
“Well your leg shape and thighs are really feminine looking and your arse has really perked up,” she said, reaching over and pinching it.
“Ow! Leave off.”
The shopping trip had certainly created a firm friendship between me and Debbie. Each day after our trip to Glasgow, I would either visit Debbie or she would come over to me. I suppose it was hardly a surprise, as I was the only young woman (there I go again thinking of myself as a woman) in the area.
George and Gavin were the youngest two farmers around for miles. Most of the others were in their late forties or in their fifties, with wives to match. Their wives spent most of their time arranging Church events,like Bring and Buy sales,coffee morning’s etc. Me and Debbie had gotten ourselves into an altogether different routine. After morning housework, we would meet up and play with Melissa and then once she had nodded off. Out would come an exercise video, you know one of those Celebrity ones to tone and trim the body. Once our session was over, we would either have a light lunch at home or pop out to a local country pub for a spot to eat.
Around a month into our regular workout sessions, Debs arrived one morning as usual a bundle of energy and chatter.
“I’ve got a present for you,” she beamed as she entered the farmhouse, a wrapped package under her arm.
“What is it?” I asked.
“Later, after our workout,” she insisted.
The music started and we began our usual routine both dressed in lycra shorts and a small vest top be worked on our legs our backside and stomach muscles to the beat and instructions from the video. Watching the instructress to keep in time, a vision of two young women bending stretching and toning their bodies.
Forty minutes later two sweating bodies sat on the floor relaxing following the close of our workout. Debs spoke first.
“You know this is really working out for you,” she said.
“How do you mean?” I asked.
“Well your leg shape and thighs are really feminine looking and your arse has really perked up,” she said, reaching over and pinching it.
“Ow! Leave off.”
“No, really it is. And you’ve lost, what now off your waist?”
“Eh, about four inches,” I proudly announced,
“See what I mean?” she said.
“I suppose. I’m going to take a shower. Will you watch Melissa?” I asked, rising to my feet and switching off the TV.
“Yeah, no problem.”
I climbed the stairs and entered the bathroom stripping of I looked at my body in the full length mirror twisting slightly to check it out from all angles. She’s right! I thought to myself, My legs were very toned and the thighs looking sleek and slender but yet toned and muscular. My stomach was now like a washboard and my arse... well she was right. It was perky and tight. Nothing, of course, could give me that womanly hip shape but who cared? After all, how many other women have you seen with no dominant hip shape? I smiled and stepped into the hot steamy shower.
Twenty minutes later I was powdering my skin with scented talc (yes, scented talc). I put on my dressing gown and left the bathroom. I called down to Debbie.
“Deb’s showers free. Is Melissa ok?”
“Yeah she’s asleep. I’ll be up in a minute.”
I walked into my bedroom and sat down on the edge of my bed. Plugging in the hairdryer, I began to blow dry my hair. It had not been that long when I had arrived, but having let it grow out, Debbie had just restyled it into a smart page boy look. With my hair dry, I put on some light day make up. I was just about to get dressed when there was a knock at my door.
“You decent?” Debbie asked she opened the door before I had a chance to reply. She walked in dressed in a pair of black jeans and a white blouse.
“Your present,” she said, handing me a box.
“What is it?”
“Open it and you will see.”
I opened the wrapping and found two boxes. I peeled away the packing tape and looked inside. A look of bewilderment crossed my face and then I began to realise what the object was.
“Is this what I think it is?” I asked.
She smiled.
“Yes,” she replied.
I lifted it out. Before me, was a silicone realistic vagina, complete with a small amount of what seemed like real hair in the correct place.
“Put it on. There’s a tube inside for your thing, and you can go to the loo naturally, just like a real woman. I promise I won’t peek,” she said.
Turning her back, I stood up and stepped into it, placing my cock into the tube. Opening the drawer, I took out a pair of dark pink panties and pulled them up tight. The effect was amazing as I looked down. It gave me the perfect female v that I sometimes struggled to achieve.
“Now open the other one,” she said.
Once more I ripped open the packaging, and as you may have expected by now, found a pair of the other female essentials that I so badly lacked. Yes siree! False boobs, complete with realistic looking nipples that felt and looked so right.
“Where did you get all this stuff?” I asked her.
“Oh, I was surfing the net couple of weeks back and found a site for stuff like this, and just thought of you,” she said.
“So how do I put them on?” I asked.
“The adhesive,” she said pointing to a can in the box. “Here let me help you fit them,” she said walking over towards me. She sprayed a generous amount of adhesive on the back and then held the first one to my chest holding it in place for a couple of minutes before letting go. The feeling was quite surreal here was Debbie holding my false tit in place while I stood in front of her in pink panties.
The other fitted, she showed me how to disguise the seams with some crafty make up and, sure enough, within minutes it was impossible to see the joints.
“Get dressed and I'll meet you downstairs,” she said turning to leave.
“Eh, thanks Debbie!”
“No problem. Fancy a trip to Girvan? It’s a lovely day walk along the front: an ice cream or a coffee?” she said.
“Yeah, cool! I’ll be down in ten - fifteen minutes,” I replied as she left the room and closed the door.
I stood up, immediately aware of the extra weight on my chest and the prominence of my new found femininity. Deep down I was pleased the padding I had used before was good, but at times, if I lifted Melissa or had some weight applied to my chest, the padding got slightly misshaped and I’d found myself having to re-arrange it. Now all that was over. I grabbed a matching bra and encased them in the pink silky material seeing them pushed up and together the round globes peeking out the top. I couldn’t help it. I rubbed them feeling a stirring in my loins, the tube that my cock was in becoming a bit fuller.
“Knock it off!” I said to myself. I pulled out a pair of jeans from the wardrobe and pulled them on with a pink checked western style shirt. I left the top button open exposing a bit of cleavage. Again, I looked in awe. Slipping on a pair of 3 inch pink stilettos and fastening a wide white belt round my increasingly narrow waist, I selected some jewellery and a white shoulder bag. I dropped in some make up, my ciggies and lighter, and then, with a spray of some perfume, I was off downstairs, for a day out with Debbie.
Debbie picked up the two small packages I had bought and walked round the car to join me. As she reached me, Pete walked towards us.
“Here it goes...” I muttered under my breath.
“Hi Alex!” he smiled.
I froze.
We had pulled into a seafront car park and unpacked Melissa’s buggy. We set off along the shoreline in the bright sunshine; a sea breeze just 'fresh enough to keep you cool' blew in our faces.
“Fancy a bite to eat?” Debbie asked.
“Yeah, why not?”
“There’s a little café over there, with tables outside,” she said, pointing up along the road.
We walked on along and found a table outside sitting down. I parked the buggy, securing the brake as I did so. We sat down and both lit up cigarettes, making sure that Melissa was out of the path of any smoke. A waitress approached us and we both ordered smoked ham and cheese baguettes, along with a cup of black coffee each.
A few minutes later, she returned with our order. We stubbed out our cigarettes. She spied Melissa and pulled faces in her direction, as adults do in the presence of babies.
“Oh she’s a little sweetheart! Yours?” she gestured towards me.
“Yes. Her name is Melissa.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Debbie stop, just as she was about to eat her baguette.
“Well, she’ll break a few hearts,” the girl commented as she nuzzled Melissa’s cheek with her hand. A smile broke out across Melissa’s face at the human contact.
“Enjoy your meal,” the waitress smiled, as she moved on. I turned and looked at Debbie. She was staring straight at me.
“What?” I said.
“It’s just, when she asked whose baby that was, you said 'yours.'”
“Well... I needed to say something.”
“Yeah, you did!”
“Well... I'm just playing the part.” I said as I took another bite from my lunch. Debbie merely smiled at me and began to eat.
The rest of our trip was spent largely window shopping, although I bought a couple of cute little tops for Melissa. Soon, it was time to drive home with Melissa sound asleep in her safety seat in the back of the car. We set off for home around four, hoping to get back in time to make dinner for Gavin and George. As we turned into our driveway and approached the house, I could make out the shape of Pete loading some bags onto the back of a small truck.
“Shit!” I said.
“What is it?” Debbie asked.
“Er, well, Pete has only met the other Alex and I’ve no idea what George has told him."
I felt nervous as the car pulled to a stop outside the house.
Getting out, I unloaded Melissa. Debbie picked up the two small packages I had bought and walked round the car to join me. As she reached me, Pete walked towards us.
“Here it goes...” I muttered under my breath.
“Hi Alex!” he smiled.
I froze.
“How’s your brother doing?”
My breath returned.
“Eh, he’s fine,” I stammered.
“George told me he got a job, how’s it panning out?”
“Eh, just fine - early days though” I said.
“Well, tell him I said hello! I need to get back to George. He’s asked me to let you know he will be late for dinner, maybe around seven,” he said,
“Ok."
“See you.” he called as he turned away back towards the truck.
We walked inside.
“I need a drink. You want one?” I asked.
“Not for me. I’m driving.” Debbie replied.
Leaving Melissa asleep on the couch, I crossed over to the drinks cabinet and poured myself large vodka. Then I dropped in some tonic and a couple of ice cubes. The clear liquid fizzed as I took a drink.
“Are you ok?” Debbie eyed me as she switched on the kettle to make coffee.
“Yeah... I'm fine.” I said, "That was close."
“Not really. He had no idea and George had obviously told him that Alex had gotten a job.”
I took another drink.
“Yeah, I suppose so. But it shows you how dangerous all of this is.” I said, pointed at the clothing I was wearing.
“Look. It’s fine. There’s no problem. No one has read you so far. Christ, even a waitress thought you were the baby’s mother today,” she said as she poured hot water into a mug to make coffee.
“Eh, I suppose,” I said, finishing my drink and putting the glass in the sink I crossed to take Melissa from her buggy.
“Quit worrying and just relax,” Debbie said as I lifted Melissa out.
When George got back that evening, I asked him what he had told Pete about me.
“It’s ok I told him just like he said that Alex had got offered a job over the summer and you had to take it,”
“So what about the both of us having the same name?” I enquired.
“That’s cool! I said you were really Alexandria , but like Alex for short. We had a laugh about it he said it must be confusing at home.”
“Yeah, well he got that one right. I’m confused.” I added.
“Well, you must have made quite as impression, because he couldn’t stop talking about you all afternoon,” I blushed and left the room stepping outside into the night air. I lit a cigarette and puffed on it nervously this was getting complicated but there was no way back now.
Me and Debbie’s daily life continued with our morning fitness sessions and afternoon girly days out or shopping trips. One thing did change however Pete was becoming a daily visitor to the farm. Each day at some point he would appear either to collect something or bring a message to me from George.
“I think you’ve got an admirer” Debbie teased one day as Pete was busy loading some wire fencing into a jeep.
“Quit it, maybe it’s you he likes” I snapped back.
“No definitely you. Anyway, look at him: young, strong... I wouldn’t kick him out of bed for eating crisps” she said, taking a drag from her cigarette before crushing it out.
“I think your forgetting something,” I said with an edge to my tone, “I’m not exactly what I seem, am I?” I said quietly.
“Eh? I suppose not. I forget some times because you’ve come so far, there is not even the slightest hint of the old Alex in you anymore,” she stopped looking at me.
“Oh he’s in here somewhere,” I said, blowing out a cloud of smoke and crushing my cigarette in the ashtray I left the table and went to check on Melissa.
Later that week we had just finished our workout, I was in the shower, and Debbie was fussing about in the kitchen making lunch. Our afternoon out today was postponed, as Debbie had an appointment with her dentist later that day. I dried myself and crossed the hallway to change. I put on a white lacy bra and matching panties, my breast forms now a permanent fixture, always in place I had become accustomed to them being there at all times. I pulled on a pair of flesh coloured tights and slipped my arms into a white cotton blouse leaving the usual two buttons undone showing a bit of my cleavage. For the hanger’s of my increasing girly wardrobe I took a lemon skirt which covered me to just above the knee and pulled it on. Sliding my feet into a pair sandals with cork wedge heels, I freshened up my make up before going down to join Debbie, as I walked down the stairs I could hear the sound of voices, first Debbie and then Pete it seemed my stalker had paid another visit today I wonder what today’s excuse would be a slight smile creeping across my face.
“Oh hi Pete” I said entering the kitchen and smiling in his direction,
“Pete’s here to collect some fence posts for George I asked him to stay for lunch” Debbie smiled at me.
“Maybe he doesn’t have time? George will be waiting.”
“Oh no I think I can spare fifteen minutes or so” he said, “If you don’t mind me joining you?”
Debbie answered “No that’s fine you two sit down I’ll serve up.”
“Eh I’ll just check on Melissa,” I said, moving towards the lounge. I found her fast asleep. I stroked her forehead and walked back to the kitchen as Debbie poured some soup into three bowls. I sat down at the table.
Conversation was a bit awkward over lunch. Pete was clearly nervous probably just as much as me, but we kept the chat flowing somehow as Debbie rose and took our bowls to the sink to wash up.
“Leave them, I’ll wash up later.”
“You sure?” she asked.
“Yeah, it will be fine. Anyway, you made lunch.” I said, as she put the bowls in the sink, before returning to join us.
“So Pete you got a girlfriend” Debbie asked, I could see him visually curl up before us.
“Eh not just now” he replied nervously.
“How about you take Alex out for the night? I mean, she’s stuck down here without any friends.”
I coughed “Eh, what you doing Debbie?”
“Well, you’re stuck in this farm all the time for the last few weeks, you could do with a night out and some fun.”
“Maybe Pete’s busy and anyway I’ve got Melissa to look after,” I said.
“Oh, George could do that for one night. Just a film, maybe a drive around on Pete’s motorbike, you have seen it haven’t you?” she asked.
I blushed “Yeah I’ve seen it,”
“Well then, a chance to see a bit of the countryside, get some fresh air.”
“I get enough fresh air here,” I said.
“Nonsense you need some company other than us, how about it Pete a deal” she looked at him he looked embarrassed.
“Well if Alex wants to” he said.
“She does” Debbie answered for me.
“Next Friday be ok?” Debbie asked.
“Eh yeah fine. I better go now. It’s about seven.”
He looked at me. I was still shell-shocked. I nodded.
“Ok see you then.”
The last few minutes had just been a daze “What the hell are you playing at?” I said to Debbie after he had gone.
“Relax Alex! It’s just a night out. Nothing serious. It’s not like you need to shag him or anything.” I blushed.
“Just as well for that then,” I said. She laughed.
“Look. It’s just a night out. Nothing serious! It’s just to get you away from here for a couple of hours.”
“I like being here!”
“Yeah, I know you do. But what harm can it do? It will also give George a chance to look after Melissa on his own - a bit of father-daughter time. I mean, it’s not as if he has done much of that recently, has he?” she looked at me.
“Well, it’s a hell of a risk for starters.” I said, “What if he finds out?”
“Look, a ride on the bike, a drink maybe, a meal ,a film or something, then back here.” she said.
I sat stunned, looking across the room .“I suppose, but George will go mad” I said.
“Oh, let him! He’s got Amanda to keep him company. You need some friends as well! Look, I need to run. I’ll call you later, Ok?”
“Ok.” I said, as she picked up her bag and headed for the door. I went outside with her and lit a cigarette as I watched her drive off. George will go mad! I thought as I blew some smoke into the air. Finished, I extinguished the cigarette and went back inside. Melissa was still asleep so back in the kitchen. I set about washing the dishes, my mind was miles away from what I was doing.
I heard a noise.
Someone spoke “Eh excuse me is Alex here?”
I spun around, a bowl dropped from my hands, smashing on the floor in front of me.
“Eh Mum?” I stopped.
“Alex... Alex is that you?
“You know, I would never have recognised you, if you had not said Mum when I came in. Debbie’s done quite a job on you.”
“How do you feel about it?” I timidly asked.
“Well, I can’t say I’m happy about it. But, I can see the reasoning behind it. Your dad would be furious. You know how homophobic he is! You and George are not...?”
“Alex? Alex… is that you?”
The words rang in my ears like church bells as my hand moved towards my face, covering my eyes.
“Eh, Mum! I didn’t expect you.” A pause.
“Obviously not! I think we’ve got some… talking to do.” she stated, as she stared right into my soul.
“I’ll bring Melissa through from the lounge; she’s due for a feed. Make yourself a coffee.” I said as I walked towards the door. I wheeled Melissa back into the room as Mum carried two mugs of coffee and set them on the table.
“Right young man. I believe you have some explaining to do.”
We both sat down. I began.
“You remember the last time you were down here and I said how George missed Grace so much? Well, I somehow got this daft idea that maybe having another female about the house would help.”
I paused looking for a reaction there was none. “A couple of days after you were here, I stupidly got dressed up in Graces things.”
Mom let out an audible sigh.
“While I was dressed, we had a visitor. You know, Amanda, the woman George has been seeing.” I stopped.
“Go on.” she said.
“Well, she caught me here all dressed. So, you can imagine what she would have done if she thought I was a guy dressing up in women’s clothes and looking after a child.”
“Surely there was another way?”
“Can you think of a good explanation? Anyway, I tricked her. She never read me and everything was ok. When George came home, he went ballistic. So we talked about it and we agreed that maybe it was better that I stayed this way.”
“You should have called me! Maybe I could have helped. Are you still prancing around in Grace’s clothes?”
“Eh no. George gave me some money to buy some stuff and Debbie has been helping me as well.” I paused.
“Debbie knows as well? Oh that’s just great!”
“No, it’s ok Mum. She hates Amanda and she’s having fun deceiving her. Deb’s fine with it, in fact, she’s been a great help.”
“This is going to take some… getting used to. You better feed Melissa” she finished as she got up from the table.
“I’m going outside for a cigarette and a think” she said as she left the room.
I busied myself in the kitchen making something for Melissa. Through the window, I could see Mum pacing up and down the porch with her coffee in one hand and a cigarette in the other. I started feeding Melissa and just resigned myself to await her return. A few minutes later, she came back in.
“You know, I would never have recognised you, if you had not said Mum when I came in. Debbie’s done quite a job on you.”
“How do you feel about it?” I timidly asked.
“Well, I can’t say I’m happy about it. But, I can see the reasoning behind it. Your dad would be furious. You know how homophobic he is! You and George are not...?”
“Not what?” I asked.
“You know.”
“Know what?”
“There’s nothing going on between you two... is there?”
I blushed.
“NO! There’s not!” I said sharply. Now didn’t seem the time to tell her Debbie had just engineered a date for me.
“So what brought you down here anyway?” I asked.
“You got a letter from the school.” she said, grabbing her bag and taking an envelope out. She handed it to me.
I opened it.
“It’s just confirmation of my job, and an invite to an open day a couple of weeks before term starts.” I said, returning the letter to the envelope.
“So you’re still taking the job then?”
“Yeah. why wouldn’t I?” I replied. Although there was something not so convincing in the tone of my voice when I said that.
“How long do you plan to keep this up?”
“As long as I need to. Until George is better” I said.
“And has it worked? You know, you being a girl?” she asked.
“Yeah it has a bit. The drinking during the week has stopped. He still goes out with that bitch Amanda on the weekend and she leads him astray.”
“You don’t like her?”
“Not one bit. She’s not interested in Melissa; she just wants George and the farm his money.”
“Well, you’ll need to try and make sure that doesn’t happen.” she said.
“He’s a grown man. He can make up his own mind.”
“Well, you’ll just need to make him see the error of his ways.”
“Your ok with this?” I asked again, gesturing towards my clothes.
“Well it’s a tad unusual, but it it’s working. So long as you don’t get caught, then I suppose its ok for a little while. I’ll keep your dad away from coming down.”
“Thanks mum.” I said.
“I better be getting back. Now, if there are any problems, ring me and let me know.”
She kissed me on the forehead and picked up her bag. “I’ll come back down in a couple of weeks and we can go out together. Bring Debbie as well.”
“Ok, and thanks again mum!” I smiled as she walked towards the door.
As she reached it she turned and said “Oh, and by the way, you do look quite cute.”
I blushed again as she left.
The car had barely started and I was on the phone to Debbie telling her what happened. She could barely speak through all her laughter.
“You must have nearly had a heart attack!”
“You could say that. I said even more nerve racking than the shopping trip though. Oh, and buy the way, she wants us all to go out together one day.”
“I’ll look forward to it! That will be interesting.” she said.
“I don’t know what George will think though.”
“Well it’s done now, so he’ll just have to deal with it.”
“I suppose so.” I said. “You coming round tomorrow?”
“Yeah thought I would. We can go shopping get you something for your date.” she replied.
“Oh Christ! I’d almost forgotten about that! I owe you one for that! What in the world were you thinking about saying that?”
She laughed again.
“You’ll be fine! And as I said, it’s not as if you need to sleep with him.”
“Oh, well that’s ok then, because I won’t be!”
“And I should think not, on a first date.” she said.
“Quit it!”
“Look, I need to go. That’s Gavin getting back. See you tomorrow.”
“Yeah, around eleven?”
“Yeah, that’s fine. Bye.” she said
“Bye.” I replied.
Checking up on Melissa, I saw that she was fine. I need a cigarette real bad! I thought to myself. So, picking up the pack, I went outside. As I lit up, I thought, “Well now, I need to break! Today’s two events to George: Mum might be the easy part, but my date with Pete could be a totally different matter!”
“I never felt so much pain in my life!! When she waxed my eyebrows, I nearly leapt out my seat! And how I’ll ever be able to pick something up with these talons? It's beyond me!”
Later that night, with Melissa safely tucked up in bed, George and I sat with a Coke each in the conservatory. My plan to curb his midweek drinking had been a great success since there were no more night’s out during the week - only a civilized glass of wine after dinner. I picked up my cigarettes and slipped one out of the packet, the slim gold lighter was inside the packet as well. I pressed the button and a slim narrow flame appeared. I lit up, blowing a cloud of smoke towards the ceiling.
“We had a visitor today,” I announced
“Yeah I know. Pete was here again. I’ll have a word with him,” he responded before I had a chance to go on,
“No, Pete was here. But that’s not who I meant.”
“Who then?” he asked draining the last of his Coke.
“My Mum.”
A look of shock appeared on his face.
“I was washing up after Debbie left, then I turned and there she was, standing in the doorway.”
There was a short silence,
“Oh fuck! That’s all we need.” he said.
“No, it’s ok! I told her all about Amanda and my stupid mistake. She’s not happy about it, but at least she understands why I’m doing it.”
“Do you think she will say anything?”
“Well not to my dad anyway, he’s homophobic! I think we can trust her to keep it a secret.”
“Well let’s hope so. The less people that know about this, the better! And there’s already too many.”
“Why? Are you embarrassed by me?” I teased,
“No. It’s not that, but we can’t afford to let certain people know about it. I would be taking too much of a risk.”
I leaned over and poured the last small amount of Coke into my glass
“I’m going off to bed. It was a tough day,” George announced.
“Yeah for me too. I’ll be right behind you,” I said, taking a final draw from my cigarette and crushing it out.
“See you tomorrow,” I said, as he left the room. One down, one to go, I thought. The day’s other event would need to wait, and at least Pete had not let the cat out of the bag by telling George about my date. I picked up both glasses and walked over to the sink, rinsing them out. I switched out the lights, and headed upstairs. I checked in on Melissa, watching her sleep for a few minutes, before deciding that it was time for me to join her in the land of sweet dreams.
On Saturday, me and Debbie hit the shops once more, with Melissa in tow. We wandered around, mostly window shopping. As usual, I spent most of the time checking out outfits for Melissa, buying two or three items before we stopped for lunch. Over lunch, Debbie came up with an idea for an outfit for Friday,
“So what is it then?” I asked,
“Just wait. I know just the place to go. It will be perfect for Friday.” Our lunch finished, we headed straight to the Italian Centre of Glasgow. I knew it well, as I had often shopped there as Alex. Well, you know what I mean.
“I think I might have an idea where you’re going with this,” I said as we approached a quality leather goods shop,
“Well, Pete has a motorbike. So you might as well do the biker chick look,” Debbie flashed a wicked smile as we entered the shop.
Half an hour later, complete with my purchase, we were heading back to the car.
“Hey! I’ve an idea. How about we stop at a Salon get our nails done, etc?”
“You can do all that yourself. Why bother?”
“Indulge me,” she said, as her eye’s scanned the street, “Look, over there, a Sytle-Setter’s. Let’s go.”
Debbie was off, crossing the paved precinct, me pushing Melissa behind her, as we headed for the Salon. By the time I got inside, Debbie was already talking to one of the assistants.
“Great to see you! What a coincidence! I never knew you worked here. This is Alex, a friend.” she said, gesturing to me, before going on.
“Alex, this is Gillian. We trained together at college. I’ve not seen her in years,” she said before hugging her
“Pleased to meet you,” I said, extending my hand to her, once she had freed herself from Debbie.
“What can I do for you ladies today” she asked, Debbie butted in
“Just a facial scrub for me and nail extensions, eyebrow wax and nail extensions for Alex,”
“What type of extensions do you want? French tips, sculptured…?”
“Eh square tipped long for both of us” Debbie said,
“Ok. Then let’s get you two ladies seated.” An hour later, we were both exiting the Salon.
“So how was that for you?” she asked.
“I could kill you!” I hissed in a hushed tone.
“Why?”
“I never felt so much pain in my life!! When she waxed my eyebrows, I nearly leapt out my seat! And how I’ll ever be able to pick something up with these talons? Its beyond me!” I gestured to the inch and a half long nails that protruded from the tips of my fingers. Debbie began to laugh as we headed down the street.
“Let’s go home, it’s getting late.”
As we drove home Debbie spoke, “Alex… can I ask you something?”
“Sure. What is it?”
“How long do you see yourself staying as Alex?”
“Well, I think I’ll be Alex forever!” I laughed.
“Quit the sarcasm. You know what I mean.”
I stopped laughing and continued, “Well it’s early June, my job starts early August, so I suppose I’ve got about six, maybe seven weeks left.”
“What about George though? What if he’s not right?”
“He’s getting better every day, spending more time with Melissa. The booze, except for the weekends, is largely a thing of the past.”
“Yeah, but what if that’s all down to you? What if he goes back to his old ways when you leave? And what about Amanda? You know she’s no good for him and how she feels about Melissa? Could you have that on your conscience?” she asked.
I paused and thought about what she had said for a minute.
“I don’t know. He’s grown up. He has to make his own choices. I love Melissa to bits, but I’ve got my life too. Why are you bringing all this up now?”
“Oh I think I’d miss you” she said before adding “You could have a life here, you know.”
She looked over at me briefly. Silence descended for the remainder of the journey.
Dinner was ready as I heard George drive up and the engine stop. The door opened and he stepped inside.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” he exclaimed upon seeing me.
Oops! The cat was out the bag, I thought.
“Do you not think we have enough problems without you going on dates with my farm hand?”
“Eh sit down I can explain,” I said.
“I don’t want to sit down! And how you’re going to explain this one is beyond me.”
I sat down. “It’s like this, I kinda got the idea that Amanda was jealous of me being here alone with you. I thought if you had a night at home alone with her, just you and Melissa, it would be good for you.” I knew deep inside that Amanda would probably hate the idea of playing mummy to Melissa but I was not about to admit it.
“So how does your date help?”
“Well, if I’m out with Pete, she will think that I’ve got myself a man and won’t be after you.”
George retorted, “She doesn’t think that. Anyway, what makes you an expert on women’s minds?”
“Well I suppose dressing like one for the last 3 or 4 weeks has helped some. It’s not as if anything is going to come of the date. I’ll let Pete down gently. Debbie was really the instigator of it. She set me up a bit. It took me a bit by surprise. I had said yes before I had really thought about it though. I promise one night, and that’s all.” There was silence,
“I still think this is a bad idea. But ok. One night and be careful!” George finished and went upstairs to see Melissa. I sighed. Minutes later, I rose to serve the dinner.
The rest of the week went quickly onto Friday. Debbie had arrived and loaned me the last piece of my outfit for the night. George and Amanda were due to have a carry-out meal delivered, so after I had made a snack for Melissa, I took her upstairs and began to get ready. After a hot bubble bath filled with scents, I set about dressing. By about ten to seven I was ready. I worried about myself. I had spent so much time on my makeup, it was like I was going on a real date and I was a fully fledged female.
I told myself that it was because I wanted to be ultra convincing, and not that I wanted to make myself sexy and attractive for a man. But that I was somehow doing it for Melissa and George, and not for Pete. Anyway, when I looked in the mirror, I realized I had failed miserably, because I looked as sexy as hell. The tight leather trousers with the white cotton top that gave away the hint of a nipple and the leather bomber jacket that Debbie had loaned me with a yellow chiffon scarf tied loosely round my neck accented the four inch heeled leather shiny ankle boots that peeked out from below my trousers. With earrings and a couple of bracelets, it completed the image of hot. Just maybe, I was about to give out the wrong signal.
I sprayed on some perfume and left my room. The heels of my boots clicked on the wooden stairs as I went down to the kitchen. I could hear George on the telephone ordering their meal. I went on through into the conservatory and lit a cigarette. My nerves were just beginning to play a part. I took off my jacket and sat down. As I leafed through the daily paper, my nerves were building up as each minute ticked by on the clock. A rap at the door, and I leapt up.
“I’ll get it” I called.
I rushed to open the door. On the doorstep, I found a guy delivering George and Amanda’s meal.
“George! It’s your meal!”
I walked back to the conservatory, conscious of the young guy eyeing me up as I left the door.
Five minutes later, another knock at the door. This time, no blind panic. What was it with me? The excitement of tonight? Or maybe it was fear?
“Alex, its Pete for you!”
I picked up my jacket and walked back to the kitchen,
“You not going out like… that are you?” George eyed me incredulously.
“Why not?”
“Well… don’t you think it’s… a bit…”
“A bit what?”
I could see him clearly looking at the tightness of the leather trousers and the nipples, which were apparent through the tee-shirt. I slipped on the jacket.
“Well, we are going on a bike. Trousers are much more suitable than a skirt. Don’t you think?” I asked
“I suppose so. Remember! One night! It’s only one night… and be careful”
“Ok”
I stepped outside, the sound of my high heels echoing in the still farm air as I walked down the stone steps.
“You look great” Pete appreciatively smiled as I approached.
“Thanks. Where are we going?“
“Thought we might catch a film, and then grab a drink,” he replied.
“Fine by me.”
He handed me a crash helmet and I pulled it over my head. Climbing onto the seat behind him, he fired up the bike. I slipped my arms around his waist and off we went into the night.
The journey to the cinema felt a bit surreal. Here I was, on the back of a motorbike, my arms encircling the waist of a guy. I mean, come on, a few weeks ago who would have thought I would be doing this and strangely enough, somehow liking the experience? We rode through the heavily lit streets and pulled into the large Multiplex car park. After we both dismounted the bike, Pete took the helmets locked up the bike and then surprisingly (well maybe not) took my hand again. I was a willing participant.
“Did I tell you, you look great?” he smiled.
“You did. And you look smart as well.”
We approached the entrance to the cinema.
Pete stopped and, turning to me, offered, “Your choice of film then.”
I looked up at the board displaying what was on show.
“Eh, how about, The Woman’s Club?” I asked pointing at the board.
“Might have guessed, some chick flick.” he teased
“It is not!” I playfully punched his arm. “But if you don’t want to…”
“No. It’s ok.” he said, letting go of my hand as he fished some money out of his pocket and paid for two tickets. Armed with our tickets, we entered the darkened cinema.
The film was pretty mediocre, although surprisingly, I liked bits of it. A few weeks ago, I would probably have never given it the time of day, but the new Alex was learning to appreciate different things. About fifteen minutes in, Pete’s arm found its way round the back of my seat. And then on around my shoulders. I didn’t adopt the usual tactic of snuggling into his side but just sat there. Initially, I found it strange, but the longer it was there, the more comfortable I was with it. Eventually, the film finished and we got up. Pete, taking my hand, walked with me out into the night once more.
“There’s a bar up there.” he said, pointing beyond a large Supermarket. “We can grab a drink in there.”
“Ok.”
As we reached the door, I stopped. “Is it ok if I have a cigarette before we go in?”
“Sure,” he replied.
I reached into my pocket and took them out, lighting one up.
Pete inquired, “Did you enjoy the film?”
“Wasn’t bad. I like Julia Roberts, but it’s not one of her best.”
“You know, you’ve caused quite a bit of a stir.” he said.
I blew a cloud of smoke towards my feet and then looked up “Why is that?”
“Well, a couple days after your brother went home, Amanda turned up while we were working. She and George had a furious row.”
“About what?” I asked taking another drag from the cigarette
“About you, of course! I think she’s jealous of you living with George. Who wouldn’t be? I mean an attractive young woman like you, against a fading old hag like her.”
I started to cough and laugh at the same time. I couldn’t help it with the image Pete described.
“I take it you don’t like her then?” I asked.
I dropped the cigarette, crushing it out with my foot.
“No, not at all. She’s always banging on about her time at public school. She’s a real snob and looks down on me.”
“I’ll let you onto a secret: neither do I. Now, let’s go get that drink.”
I offered him my hand as we walked inside.
The bar was busy with young people for a night out. They were either here for just a quiet drink or the start of a night of clubbing. We found a booth, already occupied by a couple of girls, and with their permission, took the two vacant seats. The chatter began to flow between all four of us. They were off to a local nightclub, both high in excitement about the night ahead. Pete asked if I would like to go to the club, but I politely declined his offer. Two or three drinks later we made our excuses and got up to leave, hand in hand. We walked out of the bar and back to Pete’s bike. Helmets on us, we rode off into the night again, heading back home. As the light began to fade, Pete pulled off the dual carriageway and into a lay-by high above the countryside,
“Sorry Alex, I need to take a leak.” he hurriedly said as he rushed off. I got down and took off my helmet, lighting another cigarette while waiting on him coming back from the toilet. I looked across the expansive of fields and trees. The night light and red sky painted a lovely country canvas.
The gravel crunched as Pete approached, “Im ok now. Finish your cigarette.” he said as he stood beside me.
“It’s been a good night. I’ve enjoyed myself.” I said.
“But not enough to make it a regular thing.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Oh just instinct. I just get the feeling that were not destined to be together or take this any further,” he said looking at the ground.
I hesitated taking a final draw of my cigarette I tossed it on the ground and crushed it out with the sole of my boot.
“Pete it’s not that I don’t like you, I do. But…” I hesitated, “…It’s just there’s someone else.”
“At home?”
“Yeah… maybe.”
I continued, “You’re a nice guy Pete, and you need someone who can commit to you.”
“I’m not looking for marriage.”
“I know that, but I might not be here for that long. That’s what I mean” I said looking at him.
“I suppose. It’s ok, really. I had fun as well tonight” He hopefully looked into my eyes.
“Maybe we could go out as friends?” I suggested.
“Yeah maybe…”
He pulled on his helmet, I followed, and we set off again, on route back to the farm.
We pulled up outside the house.
“Thanks again for tonight Pete.”
“No. Thank you, Alex. You’re a lovely girl” he said, as he took my helmet and secured it to the back of the bike. He held his own helmet in his hand.
I saw that the light’s in the house were still on. I figure that Amanda was probably still spying out the window at us, I thought.
“Look, I meant it about maybe going out as friends again. I did have a good time.” I said
“So did I” said Pete. I moved forward slightly and leaned towards him, bending as I did. I kissed him on the lips.
“Thanks again. And I’m sorry about back, there at the lay-by”
“It’s ok… I understand.” he said pulling his helmet back on “I’d better be going.”
“Ok and Pete, drive safely,” I said, as he kicked the bike into life and began to move away. I waved to him as he sped down the driveway.
I walked up the couple of steps to the house and opened the door and walked in. George was by the sink, washing some glasses as I closed the door.
“Amanda still here?” I asked.
I could tell that he was a little drunk as he turned to face me “Oh… you’re back.”
“Yeah and don’t worry. I’ve put Pete right.”
“I should think so too” he said in a slurred tone.
“So where is she?”
“In there, asleep.”
“What do you think you’re doing George? You’ve got a three year old upstairs asleep and you two are pissed?” I said with an edge.
“Nufhink to do with you”
“Ok fine, enjoy the rest of you night. I’m going to bed” I said, taking off my jacket and making for the stairs.
“Mheby you should go home” he said after me
“Yeah maybe I should” I said as I started to mount the stairs and left him behind.
Upstairs, I crept into Melissa’s room. It was dark and quiet. The little nightlight illuminating her bed. I walked over and looked down at her sleeping “Sorry darling, did you miss me?” I said in a hushed voice “I promise, I won’t do it often.”
I bent down and lightly kissed her forehead, adjusting the covers a bit as I did. “Sleep well” I said, as I headed for the door.
Back in my own room, I sat on the bed and thought about tonight. I had enjoyed myself and had loved being out as Alex. Although my future with Pete was not to be, I had learned two things tonight which had stuck in my brain: One, Amanda was jealous of me. Two, I liked being in the company of men as Alex.
"...I entered the kitchen just in time to see Melissa make a bid for freedom! She had climbed out of her high chair and was balancing precariously on the table. I rushed across the kitchen..."
I was in a foul mood the next morning when I awoke. George’s reaction, when I had come home last night, had soured the experience of my first night out as Alex. I arose and took a quick shower. Soon, I was drying my hair and dressing in a pair of black jeans and a lemon blouse. The blouse was short and tied it across my midriff. Our exercise sessions had really been working as I now had a perfectly toned stomach. Looking down, I made a mental note to maybe get my belly button pierced with a jewel. That would be lovely! I thought.
Shaking myself back into reality, I thought about last night. George had said that maybe it was time for me to go back home. So why was I thinking of increasing my femininity when I could easily be back in my family home soon? I put on some light make up and left my room to collect Melissa. Picking her up, I teased her, her giggles and grabbing at my fingers a delight as I walked downstairs with her. I set her inside her high chair and was soon making us both breakfast.
Ten minutes later, while I was feeding Melissa and munching on a couple of slices of dry toast, being washed down with some pineapple juice, I heard footsteps on the stairs. Gradually, Amanda came into view. Shit! That bitch stayed here last night! I muttered under my breath.
“Morning Alex,” she tried putting up a smile. “Any coffee ready?”
“No. I’m not really one for coffee in the morning, but the kettles over there.”
I pointed towards the worktop as I spooned the last of Melissa’s breakfast into her mouth. Watching her giggle in glee, I wiped her chin with a tissue and then placed the dishes in the sink and began washing them.
“So how was your date with Pete last night?” she pried, while waiting for the water to boil.
“Eh fine. We went to see The Woman’s Club and then had a couple of drinks.”
“Oh! I’ve heard that’s quite good. I’ll need to get George to take me there.” she sneered, as I sat back down and the table to finish my breakfast. I decided to bite my tongue and not say my piece of mind to her considering George’s current state of mind.
“How was your meal last night?” I offered.
“Oh really nice! We had a great time after as well, if you know what I mean!” she smiled in the fashion of a predator. She then spooned some coffee into her mug and poured in the hot water, stirring it. She then sat down opposite of me and Melissa at the table.
We sat silently as she stirred her coffee. She took a sip before stirring nervously again.
“Alex, can I ask you something?” she blurted.
“Sure.”
“You don’t like me, do you?”
Well, to the point! I thought “Not really. But then, I don’t know you that well.”
“No you don’t. I suppose others have clouded your judgment of me” she stated.
“Others?” I asked.
“Yeah. You’re friendly with Debbie Carter, are you not?” she eyed me.
“Well, we have gone out together now and again, but Debbie’s not really mentioned you.” I lied.
A frown began to appear on her face as I went on. “George is old enough to make up his own mind about who he dates. I know that you are keen on George, but I’m not sure if you are right for Melissa.” I stated matter-of-fact.
“In what way?” she wondered.
“I don’t know. I just don’t see you as the motherly type.”
“Well maybe I’m not. But then that’s George’s choice, is it not?” she lashed with a touch of anger.
“Yes it is.” I replied as the phone rang. I got up and picked up the cordless phone, switching it to answer.
“Oh hi Debbie!” I smiled. I could see a forced smile appear on Amanda’s face as I started to head for the door.
“Eh, just a minute.” I put my hand over the mouthpiece. “Can you watch Melissa for a couple of minutes?”
Amanda nodded and I picked up my discarded cigarettes and lighter and went outside.
With the phone balanced between my shoulder and ear, I pulled a cigarette from the packet and lit it.
“You still there?” I asked. I exhaled some smoke and walked across the porch.
“Course I am! You think I’d have hung up without finding out about last night? Well? What happened?” I heard her giggle on the line as I paused.
“Nothing really. We went to see a film, had a few drinks, and then came back home.”
There was silence.
“That’s it?”
“Well… what did you expect? Rampant sex? That was hardly likely, though I did kiss him goodnight.” There was a chuckle from the other side. “George was smashed when I got back. In fact, the wicked witch of the west is still here,” I grinned, glancing back towards the window.
“He suggested that it might be time that I went home. He was really in a bad mood when I got back,” I stopped.
“That ungrateful bastard! After all you have done for him…” Debbie angrily spat.
“I know! I don’t know what’s going to happen now. We need to have a chat tonight. Look, I’d better go see what she’s up to. I left Melissa with her.”
“Ok, speak to you later.” Debbie sympathized. I touched the end button and dropped the cigarette, crushing it out. I hurried back inside the house.
I entered the kitchen just in time to see Melissa make a bid for freedom! She had climbed out of her high chair and was balancing precariously on the table. I rushed across the kitchen, grabbing her just as she slipped!
“Where the Fu**ing hell is that bitch!” I cursed to myself, seeing her coffee cup left discarded on the table. Amanda came down the stairs.
“Goddamn! Where the hell were you? Melissa nearly fell out of her chair!” I shouted angrily.
“Oh, sorry. My mobile went off. I forgot I need to see a case in half an hour,” she non-chalantly chimed, grabbing her bag as she began to leave.
“She could have fallen and hit her head! Don’t even care she could have been hurt or even died?” I was incredulously exasperated.
“She didn’t though, did she? And anyway, you’re the babysitter, not me.” she snobbishly rebuffed my concern as she left.
“BITCH!” I screamed as the door closed behind her.
Early that evening, George came home. I knew he would probably be going back out with Amanda, as he did most Saturday’s, but I wanted to clear the air. As we sat eating I picked my moment.
“George, about last night…”
He stopped eating, putting down his fork. “Yeah?”
“Well… you seemed to want me to leave.” I softly spoke as I looked across the table at him, trying to catch his eye. He kept his head down.
“Look! You took a real chance last night as Alex. One false move and we are all stuffed! What would the village have thought? What would Pete have thought? And more importantly, What would Amanda have thought?”
I put forth my best effort to convince George. “I know… it was really silly. But it worked out ok. And it won’t happen again. Pete understands and he’s cool with it. I told him there’s someone else at home, so he’s fine. He won’t be bothering me again.” I bit my lower lip waiting for him to respond.
“I was a bit wound up last night, and a bit drunk, when you came back. I’m terribly sorry for what I had said. You’ve been great with Melissa and I don’t know if I would have coped without you. So, let’s just forget about last night and start again,” He admitted as he raised his head to face me.
“Ok”
After a moment, we both returned to our meal.
Thing’s pretty much got back to normal after our chat and the next couple of weeks went by fine. Me and Debbie were back in our usual routine of morning fitness sessions, followed by afternoons out either shopping or taking Melissa somewhere. She was becoming more and more of a handful with boundless energy. By evening, I was washed out on most days and spent the night curled up on the sofa, with the occasional glass of wine, watching TV with George. Our conversation got back to normal as well, and we had numerous chats at night, as well as the usual ‘how was your day?’ that couples usually do.
One Friday, as Debbie was getting ready to go home, she asked if I might fancy a night out, just me and her, at the local pub.
“Eh, I don’t know. Look at the trouble my last night out caused… and anyway, George goes out with Amanda on the weekend, so who would look after Melissa?”
“Gavin would. You can stay overnight with us and we can go out Saturday. On Sunday, we can go to an amusement park with Melissa. That would give George and Amanda some space to themselves” she finished. It was obvious she had this all planned out.
“Anyone would think you like her now.” I barbed.
“Don’t push it! We both know she’s trouble, but she’s the one in possession of the ball or balls, so to speak…” she wickedly grinned.
“I’m not so sure. Let me think about it. I’ll ask George tonight.”
“Ok. Ring me and let me know.”
After dinner, I waited for Melissa to settle down for the night before tackling the issue of Debbie’s request.
“George,” I approached him, my hands held together before me,” I was talking with Debbie today and she’s been a bit bored.” I stopped.
“And”
I fidgeted. “Well… she was asking if both her and me could go out for the night? Down to the pub? One night?”
I looked his face over for a reaction. There was none.
“I’m not sure. You know what happened the last time Debbie encouraged you? And what about Melissa?” he interrogated me.
“Well, Debbie said Gavin would look after her while we were both at the pub and that I could stay overnight as well to give you and Amanda a night to yourselves.” I replied. The thought of that made me a seethe. but at least if Melissa was with me, she would be ok.
George sighed. “Ok. But please don’t get involved with Pete again. If he’s in the pub go elsewhere. And try to get Debbie to stop setting you up with any of the other local’s as well.”
“Thanks!” I burst with joy and kissed George’s cheek. “I’ll just phone Debbie and tell her.”
I picked up the phone and walked outside, lighting a ciggie as I went. I stopped in mid dial. Did I just do that? Kissed George on the cheek? The action was just beginning to register in my brain. It was something that had come very naturally too. Jesus! I thought. I’m really undergoing some personality change!
I dialed Debbie’s. A couple of ring’s later, Gavin answered.
“Gavin? It’s Alex. Can I speak to Debbie please?”
“Sure, no problem. How are you?”
“Eh fine. You?”
“Oh working hard to keep Debbie in clothes…” he laughed.
“Here she is now.”
“Hi babes!” Debbie cheerfully greeted me.
“We’re on! George agreed to it that it would be ok.”
“Great! Next Saturday suit you then?”
“Fine by me.”
“Ok. We can speak again during the week. We just need to get you a new outfit. It’ll also be an excuse for me to get one too. We’ll go shopping one day this week, ok?”
“Fine by me,” I smiled. It was slowly beginning to dawn on me that being Alex was getting to be expensive!
“Goodnight babes! See you Monday.”
“See you.”
We both hung up.
The week went along as usual; we went shopping on Wednesday to get outfits for our girly night out on Friday. I couldn’t believe the outfit that Debbie chose! Hers was likely to blow the minds of the regulars at a local country pub rather than keeping with a capital city nightclubl. Friday arrived, and after a light lunch, I packed some clothes for Melissa and myself before climbing into Debbie’s jeep and heading for her house.
“I’m really excited about tonight,” she bubbled in her normal fashion.
“Yeah so am I. Just remember: no trying to set me up… or I’ll be grounded for life.” I grinned.
“Yes Miss!” she chirped as we turned into her driveway.
I had only ever been to Debbie’s house twice before, nearly all of our daily rendezvous having been at my place, which was natural enough, as I didn’t drive. Debbie had teased me about this, saying that it would be useful to learn, once Melissa was at school. I, of course, reminded her that my term as Alex was only until later next month, when I was due to go home.
We had a light dinner; I fed Melissa while Debbie got a meal ready for Gavin for when he got back. Gavin arrived just as we were starting to get ready. Debbie greeted him with a deep open mouth kiss on the lips as he came in.
“Good day?”
“Yeah, very good.” Debbie got in another kiss, playfully nipping his tongue, ”Got all we wanted to do done and some more. So should be a light day tomorrow. Oh, Hi Alex.” he smiled as finally disentangled himself from Debbie.
“Dinner’s in the oven. Wer’e going to get ready, Melissa has been fed and is fast asleep. We tired her out today, so she shouldn’t be much bother. Just check on her every now and again” Debbie said as we climbed the stairs to get ready.
Deep in the sanctity of Debbie and Gavin’s bedroom, I began to feel a bit uncomfortable. Here I was, a male masquerading as Alex, while my friend Debbie pranced around in black shiny panties and a matching push up bra. Not that Debbie needed any help in that area, as she had a good, no, excellent pair of boobs. Deep down, my inner masculine self began to take effect and I could feel a stirring in my groin as I tried not to watch her.
“Eh, I’m just going to the loo for a minute.” I squeaked and hurriedly left the room. I sat on the toilet inside, slowly peeled the false vagina off and did a pee. Then, I did something I had not done for two or three years: I pictured Debbie’s impressive chest and jacked off. I figured that once satisfied, I could now stand the sight of Debbie prancing around almost naked and not be distressed. With the toilet tissue washed away, I reattached the false vagina and returned to the bedroom.
Around forty minutes later, we were both dressed, sitting and smoking a cigarette before we went downstairs. I was wearing a turquoise cotton top with a round neck not low enough to show off any cleavage. The top, however, had a split from the shoulder to the elbow and then another from just below the elbow to the wrist. I’m sure you’ve seen the type. I also had on a tight white skirt on which came to about two inches above my knees. Tan tights and white 4 inch stilettos with a silver metal heel completed my look.
Debbie, on the other hand, looked ravishing. She had skin-tight denims on, which looked as if they had been painted on her. Her top was the most revealing thing I had seen in a while; it was black with a cut out diamonds down the side, revealing bare flesh. The front of the top was very low cut, just covering her nipples, but ensuring that the rest spilled out above. On her feet, Debbie had a pair of black boots. Her jeans were tucked inside the boots with what must have been five inch stiletto heels. Our makeup was immaculate and we had both overplayed the perfume a bit, leaving the room reeking of Debbie’s latest scent.
A car horn sounded outside “That’s our chariot M’lady” Debbie cheered. She crushed out her cigarette and I followed. We picked up our evening bags and left the room. Downstairs Debbie called to Gavin, “See you later baby!”
“Ok girls! Have a good night. Be good.”
It was just before nine by the time we arrived at the pub. It was the first time I had ever been inside it. It was just what I expected, wooden timber frames with agricultural items hanging from them, pictures of old farms covered the walls, farmers with horse drawn plough’s, pictures of people seeding by hand, pictures of old stone farmhouses with chimneys billowing smoke while chickens ran around free in front of the house. The modern was there as well, with a jukebox in the corner. A large screen TV for showing sporting events dominated t he room and a pool table through the side was close to the toilets. We found a free table and ordered our drinks. To be honest, at that time, most of the tables were free.
“Is it always this quiet?” I whispered.
“It will busy up a bit in a half an hour or so,” Debbie replied before she sucked up some of her drink through a straw. Debbie was right! Within half an hour of us arriving, the pub had filled up to near capacity. The two vacant seats next to us had been taken by a couple from the village I would have guessed to have been in their early fifties. They made pleasant company as we sat and chatted about everything from the weather to the latest TV shows. All in all, we were having a pleasant, quiet evening.
Just after 10pm, George and Amanda arrived. Predictably, she had dragged him off to see the film that I had gone to see with Pete a couple of weeks ago. Debbie nudged me in the ribs with her eyes gesturing towards the door. I turned and looked. Both seemed a little the worse for wear already, as Amanda gripped on to George’s arm as they approached the bar. I tried to ignore it and we went on chatting as if nothing had happened. But I still needed to glance over now and again.
Initially I didn’t think they had spotted us, but Amanda caught my eye.
“George, there’s Alex! Let’s go and join her,” she spoke loud enough, that most of the bar could hear her. They walked over to our table. Our guests, being the courteous and nice people they were, got up and gave them their seats. I really wish they hadn’t.
Amanda and George sat down; the usual pleasantries were exchanged. We asked if they had enjoyed the film. I just wanted to get out of there and away from HER.
“Debbie, I’m going for a cigarette, you coming?” I asked picking up my bag. I stood.
“I’ll catch up with you. I need to go to the loo.”
We both left the table at the same time. I stepped outside the pub, my heels clicking loudly. In the still summer night, there was only one other smoker outside the pub, an elderly gentleman who said “Hello,” and continued his smoke. I flicked open the catch of my bag, and took out the pack of cigarettes. Taking one out, I lit it. Inhaling deeply, I wrapped my arms just below my chest, cradling my arm holding the cigarette. I held my hand down to avoid smoke going in my eyes.
The door opened and out stumbled Amanda.
“Shit!” I angrily thought as I looked down and blew a cloud of smoke at my feet.
“Oh there you are!” she muttered, fumbling with a fresh pack of cigarettes to get the foil wrapper off. She eventually managed it, and began to search through her bag for her lighter. Being the more sober, I opened my bag and took out my lighter and offered her a light. The flame sparked to life as she edged forward and put the tip of her cigarette to the flame.
“I just though you should be the first to know…” she announced. “Me and George got engaged tonight.” She flashed her hand in my direction. My stomach sank to my ankles as I took her hand and stared at the ring on her finger. There was silence before I spoke.
“Eh… congratulations.” I stammered, not meaning a word of course.
“Well, I guess that means you won’t need to stick around for much longer.” she smiled while taking a draw from her cigarette.
“Maybe not.” I softly replied as I dropped my ciggie and crushed it out before leaving her standing there and went back inside the pub.
As I walked in Debbie was just about to join me.
“You Ok? You look a bit pale.”
“I’m fine” I replied, a bit upset, as I passed her and moved back to the table.
“I gather congratulations are in order?” I announced to George as I sat down.
“Oh she told you then? I asked her not to. I wanted to tell you myself.” He frowned.
“She did that.”
“Well, it won’t be for a while yet.”
“I’m not sure if it should be ever.” I forcefully picked up my glass and took another sip of my drink.
“Look. I know you don’t like Amanda, not many people do. But you will be going home soon and I need somebody to keep me on the straight and narrow” he said.
“And what about what Melissa needs?”
“She’s my daughter. I think I know best.” He answered, a touch of anger in his voice
“Yeah she IS your daughter. But… I’m not so sure you know what’s best for her.”
Just at that point, Debbie and Amanda returned. I could see a look of disgust on Debbie’s face.
“What are you two gossiping about?” Amanda accused as she began to sit down.
“Eh, nothing” I replied. Just then, Amanda’s hand hit my glass containing my vodka and coke and depositing it all over my white skirt.
“FUCK YOU Amanda!” I vehemently spat.
“Oh… sorry”
I got up.
“We’d better be going Debbie, and get this washed before it stains.” I glared at both Amanda and George, stepping back from the table. Debbie got up, picking up my bag,
“See you in the morning?” George apologetically looked at me.
“Maybe.”
“Alex. I’m sorry.” Amanda insecurely spoke as we turned to leave.
“Yeah, I’ll bet!” I gritted my teeth, as I pulled open the door.
Outside I barked at Debbie, “Get a fucking cab!” I lit another cigarette.
“Calm down babe. I’m as annoyed as you are. I never expected them to get engaged.”
“She practically flaunted it in my face!” I fumed, taking a deep draw on the cigarette.
“You wouldn’t expect anything else? She was the same way with me when I was outside,” Debbie offered, as she pressed the numbers to the key pad of her mobile.
“That BITCH knocked that drink over on me on PURPOSE!” I ranted.
“Yeah, I know. Now just calm down, will you? We’ll talk about it over a glass or two at home,” Debbie responded.
As she made the call, I paced around, smoking my cigarette. My mind was in turmoil and my stomach churned at the thought of Amanda being Melissa’s mother.
The cab ride back to Debbie’s was a silent one. Back at her place, Gavin was informed of the night’s event and then we grabbed a bottle of vodka and some mixer’s and headed upstairs so I could change out of my sodden skirt. As we reached the top of the stairs I stopped, “Debbie I just want to check on Melissa”
“She’s fine. She’s asleep” she replied.
“I know, but I just want to check on her anyway.”
I walked to the bedroom that I was sharing with Melissa. Quietly opening the door, I stepped inside. There she lay fast asleep on the little camp bed that Debbie had put up for her. I walked over and gently picked her up. She stirred a little, her eyes opening a semi smile appearing on her face as she recognized me in her sleepy state.
“Hi darling! You ok?” I cooed quietly to her. Her arm tightened around my neck hugging me slightly.
“It will be ok baby! I’ll make sure you’re ok. Now go back to sleep. I’ll be along in a minute” I said as I lowered her back into her bed. Slowly and quietly, I edged away and back out into the hallway.
I found Debbie in her bedroom with some music on a radio as she poured us a drink. From where I stood, she was pouring very generous measures into the two tumblers.
“Here, get that down, you.” she said handing me a glass. I sat on the edge of the bed and Debbie sat beside me. Debbie pulled out her cigarettes and offered me one. We both lit up.
“Well that was a shocker!” she chuckled, blowing a narrow cloud of smoke across the room. I took a large swig from my drink.
“You’re not kidding! How can HE be so stupid? How can HE not see her for what she IS? I tried to talk to him while you were out, but he more or less told me to mind my own business!”
“Yeah, what is it they say about a fool in love?”
Debbie put her drink down and stood up. She opened a dresser drawer and rummaged around.
“Here, wear this.” she said tossing me a black skirt. I stood up, unzipped the skirt and took it off, before pulling on the skirt Debbie gave me.
“Here give me that skirt,” she offered, as I handed the damp skirt to her.
“I’ll just go and put it in the wash basket. We can wash it properly in the morning.”
She left the room I took another drink from my glass, the alcohol beginning to take an effect on me. I took a long drag from my cigarette and exhaled the smoke up into the air. I thought about tonight: the announcement, the sleeping child along the corridor, and what would happen to her. Amanda was only really interested in the money and George; Melissa would be packed away to some boarding school at the first opportunity. Tears began to form in my eyes. I began to cry in earnest and covered my face.
The door opened.
“Babes, don’t cry!” Debbie comforted me as she came to my side. Her arm encircled my shoulders, then pulled me to her.
I could feel my shoulder press deeply against her breasts, their heat on my arm. I continued to cry, my sobbing getting stronger.
“It’ll be ok” she whispered lovingly.
“Howw’s it going to be ok?”
“It will. I promise. You’ll see.” She planted a kiss on my forehead as I continued to cry. She caressed my cheek as she did so.
“You still have me and Gavin.”
“Y-yyeah… but…”
“But nothing!” she retorted. I became aware of her other hand stroking my thigh, moving across the top and resting on my knee. Her hand moved upward. I sat transfixed and still sobbing a bit. Her long nails flicked and tickled at the inside of my thigh and I could feel myself growing hard.
“It’s ok” she said again. “You’ve got me.”
Her hand moved higher under the skirt.
I looked up at her face, really close now; edging closer. Her lips met mine. Startled, I began to open my mouth to say something, but her tongue darted quickly inside. I responded slightly as my tongue met hers. Our lipstick coated mouths merged as one. She continued kneading my thigh as the intensity of the kiss increased. I suddenly pushed her away.
“No Debbie! We CAN’T do this!”
I looked to see Gavin standing in the doorway, watching us.
I pushed myself up off the bed and fled; pushing past Gavin. I bolted along the hall as fast as I could in my heels, and secured myself in the guest bedroom. I collapsed on the bed, kicking off my heels. I drew myself up into a somewhat fetal position and began to cry softly again. It was some time, before I managed to undress and slip under the covers to try and get some sleep.
“So what about Gavin watching us?”
“Every guy’s fantasy is watching two women having sex together - the way they touch each other, the sensuousness, the kissing....”
I had a restless night. My mind churned over the events: the engagement, the kiss, and Gavin watching as Debbie tried to seduce me. In truth, I could not make much sense of any of it. I woke up reasonable early the next morning. In truth, Melissa woke me up, tugging at my arm to get me up.
“Morning Darling,” I said, slipping out of bed. I grabbed my overnight bag that I had brought over with me and pulled out a pair of jeans. I pushed my legs into them, then took a tee-shirt out of the bag and pulled it over my head. Melissa was buzzing around my feet. I got her settled and dressed and, taking her hand, I left the room and took her to the bathroom. As she attended to her business, I spruced up my face with some light make up.
During the night, I had half a thought about just sneaking out early this morning, taking Melissa home, and avoiding the awkward scene in the morning. Eventually I decided not to, as I owed Debbie something for all the help and support she had been giving me. She deserved more than just slipping out quietly. The house was silent. I figured Gavin had gone to work and Debbie was probably still sleeping off last night. Maybe it was the drink. I thought that maybe that had brought on that reaction. Who knows?
I made some breakfast for Melissa: some cereal, milk and juice, along with some toast and coffee for myself. I took it all outside to sit on the patio. It was a bright sunny morning and I wondered how George was waking up with his fiancé by his side. God! What was he letting himself in for? I looked at the child busily clearing her plate. More importantly, what was he letting Melissa in for? Melissa finished her breakfast and started to play around on the grass in front of the house.
“Be careful darling.” I said, lighting a cigarette and watching the happy child in her own world, without a care or worry in the world. Well, for now anyway, I thought.
The patio door opened behind me and out stepped Debbie, looking a bit bedraggled and the worse for wear after our session last night.
“Morning,” I tried to smile.
“Yeah morning. What time is it?”
“Just gone ten,” I replied, as she sat down with her cup of coffee.
“Can I have one of those?” she pointed to my cigarettes. I handed her the packet and the lighter. She took one out and lit it up. I was keeping a close eye on Melissa, who had as usual, had gotten herself dirty and would need a change before we went home.
“Quite a night, last night.” Debbie broke the ice, blowing out a stream of smoke
“Yeah it was. Full of surprises.” I glanced towards Melissa again, to check that she was ok.
“Look. I want to explain about last night. Can we talk?”
“Fire away.”
I lit another cigarette and sat back to listen.
“Alex, it’s been great having you around. You know that. Having another girl, to go shopping with and do things like last night; I know you’re not a real girl, but I don’t see the old Alex anymore.”
She stopped taking a drag from her cigarette. I cast my eyes again over towards Melissa, who was sitting on the grass happy in the sunlight.
She continued, “I don’t know whether it was the drink last night, or the fact that I knew you were upset over George; I just wanted to comfort you.”
She reached over a bit and took my hand. I flinched a bit in surprise and she let go.
“But even more so, you really do make a cute girl and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t fancy you.”
She stopped her head bowed, blowing out a cloud of smoke.
“You what?”
“I fancy you. Is that so hard to believe? After all, Pete was attracted to you.”
“So are you a saying you’re a lesbian? Or what?”
“I’ve always known I’m bisexual.”
“So what about Gavin watching us?”
“Every guy’s fantasy is watching two women having sex together - the way they touch each other, the sensuousness, the kissing.” She took a long slow drag from her cigarette.
“But you’re married! You know I’m not a real woman, if anything had happened, Gavin would have found out!”
“Gavin already knows.” she replied.
“Do what? Gavin knows?” My hand covered my mouth in shock.
“Alex we’re man and wife. We don’t keep secrets from each other, especially in the lifestyle we lead.”
“What do you mean lifestyle?” I pulled another cigarette from the packet and lit it.
“Can you keep a secret?”
“I’m surprised you need to ask. I mean look at me. What have I been doing for the last couple of months?”
“Ok” she said “here goes…..”
For the next twenty minutes Debbie explained her and Gavin’s lifestyle to me. Finishing, she said “…..there, you know it all now. We are swingers.” She crushed out her cigarette and looked across the table at me.
“You shocked” she asked.
“Eh, well yes. I had no idea”
“No one does. Not even George or anyone else around here. We go to parties in the city, Glasgow, Edinburgh, Newcastle. All around really.”
“So last night, you wanted me to have sex with Gavin as well?” I incredulously ventured.
“Not if you didn’t want to. We wouldn’t have forced you to do anything. Only if you wanted to do it.”
I lit another cigarette. Melissa was stretched out on the grass now, fast asleep in the sun.
“I’d better get her inside, before she burns” I hastily crushed the ciggie out and walked over to her.
“Alex, speak to me. We can still be friends can’t we?” Debbie’s Debbie’s voice and eyes caused me to pause for a moment and think. I picked up Melissa and took her inside, gently putting her down on the settee. She stirred slightly.
“It’s ok darling. We’ll be going home soon.” I quietly cooed to her, brushing my lips against her forehead.
I went back outside. Debbie was still sitting where I left her, cigarette in hand and a fresh cup of coffee by her side. I sat down.
“You think we’re bad people?” she asked.
“No I don’t. I’m just surprised. You just seemed so in love with each other.”
“We are. But we just like a bit of variety in the bedroom. No one will ever come between us. We go to the parties and then come home together. Nobody comes here so no one even knows where we live.” She paused.
“It’s not forever. We want to have a family as well, so when the time, comes we’ll stop.”
“So how often do you go to these parties?”
“Maybe once a month. Sometimes more.” Debbie admitted. “In fact, we have one next weekend.”
I lit another cigarette and exhaled a cloud of white smoke.
“Always’s safe sex? I hope.”
“Of course! Ok, some don’t. But we always do, if I’m at that time of the month. That way, it’ll be Gavin’s child and not one of the men we meet at parties.”
“And Gavin… is he bisexual to?”
“He wasn’t when I met him. But he’s tried it a couple of times; only blow jobs, no penetration. It’s up to him and we respect each other’s limits.” she replied.
I sat in silence for a couple of minutes, absorbing what Debbie had just told me. I suppose that explained a couple of things, like how Debbie had been so comfortable accepting me as Alex. If her own sexuality was bisexual, then a guy in a dress would be no problem to her.
“Look Debbie, I won’t say anything. I could not have coped without you these last couple of months. I do treasure our friendship. The things we do together are fun. So you and Gavin’s secret is safe with me. But just so you know… I’m a one girl man, a one man girl” I said with a smirk. She giggled.
“I know that now. I think you really know what you want and I’m going to help you get it. Friends.” she said, reaching out and squeezing my hand, grasping it firmly.
“Friends” I said.
"I forgot next weekend’s my dads birthday. I’m supposed to be there as Alex… the real Alex."
I picked up my cigarettes and pulled one from the pack and lit it.
"But your hair, nails, and all that… you would need to get them cut!"
"Yeah I know."
I left Debbie’s in the early afternoon and went home. Thankfully, Amanda had cleared out as well, by the time that I had gotten back. Melissa had exhausted herself tearing around Debbie’s yard all morning, so I had the opportunity for some thinking space in the bright afternoon sunlight. I poured myself a cool beer from the fridge and sat outside. Lighting a cigarette, I pondered the events of the last 24 hours. The engagement had taken us all by surprise - no one had seen that one coming. I wondered also, just how much pushing Amanda had done to make George go down that route.
It was obvious that he likes her and has feelings for Amanda, but during all our chats over the last couple of months, at no point did he given any indication that engagement was close. I suppose that the next move will be for her to try and move in. How long it would take her to crack that one was anyone’s guess. But knowing her, I figured it would not be too far away. So for me, the end would be in sight, because there was no way I could stay here once she moved in.
Last night’s incident with Debbie also got me to thinking that you never completely know someone, no matter how much time you spend with them. On the surface and to the public eye, Gavin and Debbie’s relationship was the perfect marriage. But underneath it, all of this swinging had been going on. As Debbie had said, though they were still so much in love with each other, and that their activities posed no threat to the stability of their relationship, who was I to judge if it worked for them? If it did, then so be it. "Each to their own" my mum would say. And after all, here was I sitting dressed as a female Alex, so who was I to judge?
I got up and poured myself another beer. I lit up another cigarette and took in a long drag. In all this commotion, I had not really thought too much about me in all of this. What did I feel? What did I want? Debbie had hinted that she knew, but I was still confused. The change in Alex over the last couple of month’s had been dramatic and somewhat of a roller coaster ride. My relationship with George had been an unstable one, while with Melissa, we were now unseparable. There was a direct hatred between Amanda and myself. With Debbie, I felt that I had a friend for life - someone that I could always have fun with, talk to, and who would always listen.
I was not sure what I wanted. I knew what I didn’t want, and that was for Amanda to marry George and become mother to Melissa. For me, that was just a recipe from hell and would not be in Melissa’s best interest. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that Amanda would be bad to Melissa, just that she was not her number one priority. Her real goal was George and the wealth and status that went with it. Melissa would just be a minor inconvenience in achieving her objective. Melissa would be packed off to boarding school or private school and be home for holidays only… if at all! "That was not what Grace would have wanted" I thought to myself. Every mother wants the best for her children, but separation from the family unit was not in the best interests of Melissa.
"So what do I do?" I thought to myself. I was not about to charge in like a bull in a china shop and interfere in George’s relationship. He knew well enough about how I felt towards Amanda. We had had a few chats about it. I’d been told to mind my own business and he was right - he was a grown man. He was big enough to make his own mistakes. I could only make my thoughts known and leave it to him to decide. So I would leave it be. Let the dice roll and see how it worked out. I just hoped that somewhere along the line, his blinders would come off and he would see what Amanda’s true plans were. Sure, she wasn’t a bad person, but she certainly would never make a good mother.
Life pretty much went on as normal after my night at Debbie’s. There was a little tension at first, but within a couple of days, we were back in the old familiar routine. Friday arrived, and with it, the height of our British summer. The sun blazed across the sky with the temperature in the low eighties. Melissa was fast asleep on a lie-low under a shaded canopy after having run herself ragged all morning. Debbie and I sat at the garden table with an iced wine cooler, enjoying a cigarette and a glass of wine in the afternoon heat.
"You got a party this weekend?" I asked,
"Yeah, Saturday night in Stirling." Debbie replied.
"How do you both cope with it?"
"Ok, It’s not a threat to us. Neither of us goes looking for anyone else, just for fun with other people." she defended.
"Yeah but have you ever… you know?"
"Ever what?"
"Well have you ever say been with anyone who maybe… satisfies you better then Gavin?"
She laughed. "Well I suppose so, but it’s false you know. It’s only sex. Gavin satisfies my mind , my emotions, and my body - the whole package, really. You never know that about someone else. I remember this guy in Glasgow once; fantastic in bed, but a real arrogant swine. It takes more than just sex."
"I suppose."
The sound of the phone ringing in the background cut our conversation short. I got up and walked back into the house.
"Hello? Oh Mum, is that you?" It had been about two weeks since I’d last spoken to my mum.
"How’s everyone there?" she asked.
"Great. Couldn’t be better. Melissa’s flat out in the heat and Debbie’s here. Great weather eh?"
"Yes it is. Look, I’m just ringing about next weekend."
"Next weekend?"
"Yes next weekend. You’ve forgotten haven’t you?" I momentarily stalled. "Your dad’s fiftieth birthday party!"
"Oh yeah, that." I sighed.
"Well you’re both coming aren’t you?"
"I don’t know you know what’s going on down here. I’ve changed so much; my hair and all that. It would be difficult to just get back to looking like Alex again overnight."
"Alex you can’t do this! It’s your dad’s birthday, you need to be there! And anyway you’ve only got about four weeks before you start your job. You need to start thinking like the old you again."
"I get the message mum. I’ll speak to George this week. You know he got engaged to Amanda?"
"No. When did that happen?"
"This past weekend." I said
"So your time will be over soon anyways."
"Yeah, I suppose. But it’s the wrong move for Melissa." I let out.
"Well, you will just need to get used to it, is all."
"Mum, believe me, it will end in tears. And I’m not sure either him or Melissa are strong enough for that again."
"Well, we’ll deal with that when it happens, OK? You just make sure you’re here next weekend."
"Ok Mum."
I hung up the phone.
"Fuck!" I exclaimed as I walked back towards Debbie.
"What is it babes?" she pursued as I sat down.
"I forgot next weekend’s my dads birthday. I’m supposed to be there as Alex… the real Alex."
I picked up my cigarettes and pulled one from the pack and lit it.
"But your hair, nails, and all that… you would need to get them cut!"
"Yeah I know." I depressedly moped.
"So what are you going to do?"
"Guess I’ll just have to turn back into boring male Alex."
I blew out a cloud of smoke
"Maybe not," she said.
"How?"
"I’ve an idea."
And for the next half hour or so, she told me what she was thinking.
I dropped what I was doing and went over to him. I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him with a content smile on my face. “Thanks George. You’re a star!” George slightly struggled to get out of my grip, a bit embarrassed by the situation. I kissed his cheek gently and let him go. A mix of confusion ran through his eyes as I just stood back and smiled at him.
Debbie stuck around for most of the day and indeed blagged an invite to dinner that night. I knew what she was thinking. And as much as I thought it was a daft idea, I was willing to give it a go. George arrived just before six and after explaining that Debbie was staying for dinner, he went and took a shower to wash away the day’s toils. We all sat down to mixed salad and cold meat as the sun began to drop in the sky. Debbie prodded me under the table and gestured with her eyes to get my attention to focus on George. I began to relate the events of the day to him.
“George, Mum called today.”
“Everything ok?”
“Yeah everything’s fine. Just that its Dad’s fiftieth next week and we’re expected to be there.” I replied.
Silence descended for a minute.
“I clean forgot all about it.” I apologetically looked at George as he played with his food.
“Well there’s no way we can go, not with you looking like that.” he said.
“But she’s insisting…”
George let go of his salad fork and looked into my eyes. “Alex how the hell can we be at the party? I mean look at you… you’re as far removed from the Alex that came here a couple of months back that….that… how can you go to a party looking… like this?”
I flushed slightly at his comment on my look.
Debbie spoke up, “Look, it’s none of my business, but I think I’ve got a solution for the both of you.”
“Well feel free Sherlock. I’m all ears.” George irratatedly quipped as he placed another bite into his mouth.
“Well there’s no way Alex can really go back to being ‘Alex,’ if you know what I mean.” she stopped.
“Well you got that one right sister!” George interrupted.
“Well what about if you go?” she pointed at George. “And you take Alex as Amanda? None of Alex’s family have met Amanda yet, right? So they won’t know any different and that way you both get to be there.”
There was silence.
“You want me to take Alex… as Amanda?” George incredulously stared at Debbie.
“Why not? It’s not as if your staying overnight. Just drive down go to the party and then come back. No one needs to know and least of all Amanda. You’re just going to a family party. No big deal. And, as I said, you both get what you want. You both get to be there.”
“One small problem there. What about Alex’s mum? She knows about this. How is she going to feel about her son turning up at her Husband’s birthday party in drag?”
“I’m sure she will be ok with it. She’s been ok so far with this arrangement. So another little white lie won’t matter. You get her to tell her husband the real Alex is ill, say that he’s bed ridden and unfit for travel and you take Melissa with you. Perfect. Everyone’s happy. What do you think?”
“Makes a bit of sense… maybe?” I threw my two pence in, not finding fault with the logic.
George paused. “I’m not sure. I don’t know whether I like the idea or not. What do I tell Amanda?”
“Just the truth. You’re not lying. You’re both going to a family event, nothing else.” Debbie emphasized.
“I’m still not convinced about it,” George said as he got up and deposited his empty plate in the sink. “ I need to give it more thought.”
Debbie gave him a stare as he started to go out of the kitchen.
George spoke from the hallway as he was putting his coat on, “I’ll think about it, Ok? Look I need to get going. I’m meeting Amanda later.” George then trounced upstairs.
Debbie looked at me and winked, “He’ll do it.” A smile crept on to her face.
It was Tuesday morning before George finally agreed to the Debbie’s plan. As I made breakfast for Melissa, he came in from the barn. “Look I think this idea stinks, but it’s only fair that you should be at your Dad’s birthday. Ok, let’s run with it. But on no account does anyone tell Amanda ever and you had also better square it with your mum first” he directed towards me, eyeing me.
I dropped what I was doing and went over to him. I threw my arms around his neck and hugged him with a content smile on my face.
“Thanks George. You’re a star!” George slightly struggled to get out of my grip, a bit embarrassed by the situation. I kissed his cheek gently and let him go. A mix of confusion ran through his eyes as I just stood back and smiled at him.
Soon after, I was on the telephone to Debbie.
“He’s agreed about Saturday!” I rushed. The excitement in my voice gave away how I felt.
“Told you he would!” Debbie knowingly proffered, “And that means shopping for an outfit tomorrow.” I could just see her grinning through the phone set. Any excuse to shop.
I laughed. “I don’t need anything more.”
“Hey who’s idea was this anyways? A shopping trip is the least that I should get as a reward.”
“Ok. Then shopping tomorrow it is then.” I hung up.
The second call, later, was a bit more difficult.
“Christ Alex! You can’t show up at your Dad’s birthday party dressed as a woman!” mum exclaimed.
“It’s either that or not at all. Look nobody’s ever saw Amanda. We can make the excuse that I’m ill, bed ridden with some stomach bug, etc. Then at least I get to be there. Anyway, no one else knows about this do they?”
She hesitated. “Well Ashley does.”
“Why the hell did you tell Ashley?” I erupted.
“Alex! It’s been hard on me dealing with this. I needed somebody to talk to about it!”
“I suppose.” I just rolled my eyes and paused, thinking. “And is she ok… with it?”
“Well to be frank, she found it hilarious to start with. But I think she sees that you done it for the right reasons. Anyway, you’ll need to stop it soon. I mean it’s only three weeks till the start of term, so you’ll need to get back to normal soon.”
“Maybe not Mum.” I answered.
“What do you mean maybe not? You’re not changing your mind are you? Look, this situation hasn’t gone any further, has it?” she pleaded with a hint of exasperation in her tone.
I felt the heat of a blush run through my face from embarrassment. I knew exactly what she had meant!
“No, it hasn’t. It’s just that I rang the Education Board and explained that I had a family situation that I was dealing with. They agreed that I could defer my post until Christmas if I want. I’ve not decided yet. But if I need more time here, then I can have it.”
“I hope you know what you’re doing.” Mum replied. I could almost believe that she knew what was going through my mind.
I cleared my throat. “Yeah I do, mum. I just need a bit more time to make George see some sense.”
“Well if that’s all… then ok. But about Saturday, please be careful! Your dad would have a fit if he finds out.”
“I will mum. I promise you won’t even recognise me, never mind dad. I’ll see you Saturday.”
With that, we hung up. And I began to think some serious work needed to be done.
"George you awake?" I again whispered. Another snore. I was trying to sort out the little mix of confusion within me at this situation. To my surprise, I found that I had pushed back so that his erection was now firmly against me. It just… felt right.
Debbie got her wish and come Wednesday we were off for our regular shopping trip. This one however turned out to be that little bit different. I know now why she did it but at the time I was a bit surprised. We arrived in Glasgow, unloading Melissa as usual into her buggy, but as we approached the shopping galleries, Debbie sprung her surprise.
"Ok Alex, off you go!" she shooed me as she gently removed my hands from the handles of Melissa’s buggy. Then she eased herself between me and the buggy.
I blinked.
"What do you mean ‘off you go’?"
"Just that. Off you go! Me and Melissa are going for a nice walk down by the river for an ice cream and a coffee. You, on the other hand, are going shopping for an outfit for Saturday."
I looked at her with my mouth wide open.
"But…but I can’t go myself! I need you with me!!!" I stuttered.
"Why?"
"Eh, … just because…"
"No, you don’t need me with you. Now, off you go!" She started to wheel Melissa away.
"Debbie! Debbie! Come back!"
"See you by the Riverside Café in a couple of hours" she called back as she disappeared into the crowded city streets.
I stood for a minute, unsure of what to do. I’d never really been on my own as my female persona "Alex." "What was I supposed to do?" I busily thought. "Standing out here in the centre of a busy street was not going to help though. I’m standing out like a sore thumb!" I opened my bag and took out my cigarettes, lighting one. I inhaled, letting the smoke ride to my brain to calm my nerves. "Well I am here to shop. So I guess I had better get on with it."
I walked along on towards the main shopping mall.
Two hours later, I walked along the riverside quay, heading towards the café that Debbie had mentioned. Five carrier bags were hanging from my hands as the light breeze swished my skirt. My heels were clicking on the tiled walkway. I spotted Debbie and Melissa sitting at a table and waved ahead.
"What was all that about?" I asked as I reached them and sat down.
"What?"
"Sending me off on my own like that!"
"I’ll get us both a coffee and a bun. I’ll be back in a minute then we can talk." Debbie rose from the table and headed to the coffee shop.
I checked on Melissa who was asleep in her buggy, no doubt tired out from Debbie’s attention as she often mumbled these days. Me, I was Awwex, in her limited, but starting to grow vocabulary. I sat back down and lit a cigarette, crossing my legs, awaiting the return of Debbie.
I stirred my coffee as Debbie lit a cigarette and began to talk.
"Alex, ever since you began your fem self," she whispered in a hushed tone, "You’ve never really been on your own as Alex. Either George, Pete, or me have been around acting as a sort of crutch to help you along. Given that the party is on Saturday, I just thought that sending you out on your own like that would be a good boost for your confidence."
I sipped my coffee and thought about what she was saying. She was right in some ways: today I had strolled along bust city streets on my own as Alex, comfortable with my female look and attire, walking comfortably in heels, and interacting with shop assistants and a couple of fellow shoppers just as if it were an everyday thing. Oblivious to the truth, that I was really a 23 year-old guy, my movements and mannerisms had been those of a genetic female the same age. My eye for fashion had been just the same. My voice might have had slightly harsh edges to it, but it was not enough to betray my identity. In effect, I passed without a second thought and blended in just like any other woman.
I exhaled a cloud of smoke and crushed the cigarette out in the ashtray.
"You’re right, I suppose, Debbie. On Saturday, I need to convince people that I’m Amanda 100%, so I need all the confidence I can muster."
She smiled "You’ll do fine."
She squeezed my hand as she crushed out her own cigarette.
"Now more importantly, what did you buy?" she smirked.
While I showed Debbie my purchases, which somewhat bizarrely included a shirt and tie set for George, I had thought some more about what Debbie had said and, indeed, how I felt. The longer this went on, the more divorced I seemed to be becoming from my male self. My thoughts were almost typical of a mother: Melissa’s welfare, fashion, house décor, and all the typical traits of a female. My interaction with Debbie was, with the exception of that one night, typically that of a relationship between two women as close friends. In truth, I didn’t really know where the old Alex was anymore.
The rest of the week passed like lightning. Bright and early Saturday morning, I rose and got Melissa something to eat. I dressed her for the day ahead and packed some extra clothes for her to change into should she need to or if she got messy. I put on some breakfast for George. Once he was awake and up, I went to grab a shower myself. I packed a bag of some toiletries for myself, make up, perfume, etc., etc. I dressed in a pair of jeans and a white blouse to travel in. I was planning to change at Mum’s on arrival. I packed away my dress in a clothes hanging bag and picked up the shoes I had bought to match as well. I also packed away a skirt and a top and another pair of shoes in case of any emergency and then went downstairs.
Downstairs George was tidying up the kitchen while Melissa ran around making a nuisance of herself.
"Come here babes…" I called.
"Awex!" she cried running across the room towards me.
I picked her up. "Now, we’re going on a trip today - to a party," I said ticking her side. She giggled. "And I want you to be good for me and Daddy. Can you do that?"
She nodded her head and I let her down.
"You about ready?" I yelled out.
"Yeah just about," George called back as he came from the kitchen. "Remember, we need to be very careful today."
"Yeah I know. It’s me that’s got more to lose. You got the story straight? Alex in bed with a bad bout of food poisoning, Debbie calling in on him to see how he is from time to time?"
"Yeah I’m cool with it. It’s not that difficult is it? Look, lets get a move on, time’s short."
I rounded up Melissa, while George collected the three bags and we stepped out into the bright sunlight. "It’s going to be a hot day." I thought as the sun caught my skin. The car started and we moved off. As we paused at the top of the drive and then pulled out into the main road, I thought once more "Yep it’s gonna be hot. And if I don’t get this right, it could be even hotter."
*********
Just over fifty minutes later, George was pulling the car to a halt outside my parent’s house. Predictably, I could see Mum at the window, anxious to meet us before Dad did and maybe give us some warning or piece off her mind over what we were about to do. She walked down the driveway, as George unloaded the bags. I let Melissa go and she ran to meet Mum, hugging her legs. "Hello little Darling," she cooed as she took Melissa’s hand and continued towards us.
"George , Alex." Mum greeted us.
"Mum, its Amanda. Remember?"
"Bloody stupid idea, if you ask me!" she retorted.
"Look mum, we talked about this on the phone already. I want to be at Dad’s birthday and without ruining all that is going on back at the farm, I couldn’t just change back for the day."
She sighed.
"Where’s the Birthday Boy?" George asked, trying to defuse the situation a bit.
Mum turned to George, "Uncle Frank took him down to the local for a pint. He’ll be back in an hour. We’re setting up out back."
"I need to get changed for the party and I’m sure George would like to freshen up." I interrupted.
"God! It’s really gotten to you hasn’t it?" she said. "Change upstairs in my room Alex and George, you can use Alex’s old room beside the toilet. I’ll take Melissa out back for a little while." Mum turned and left us leading Melissa around back.
I looked at George and just raised my eyebrows a little and shrugged my shoulders before we followed her up the path.
Upstairs I laid out my new outfit that I had bought during the week. It consisted of a very pale blue silk dress, straight cut, and about calf length. The top had two spaghetti straps. It was slightly low cut at the front, but had a rose made from the same material just at the centre of the chest. I had matching pale blue sandals with silk ribbons which criss-crossed up your legs and calves before tying it in a bow at the top. That was another thing that had changed about me, the eye for fashion - the need to mix and match colours. I suppose it was not new to me totally, as after all I’d watched my Mum and Sister do it for years. I reapplied my makeup and then picked up my small white leather shoulder bag. Dropping my ciggies, lighter, lipstick and some face powder in the bag, I checked myself out in the mirror. I looked good.
"So now is the test!" I mentally steeled myself as I proceeded downstairs to meet my fate.
The numbers were beginning to swell and I noticed a couple of Dad’s old friends as I stepped off the last step. They turned and looked at me. I knew reasonably well as they smiled that they smiled at me as someone they did not know. I walked past, returning their smile. "Two down, only another hundred to go." I thought as I stepped out onto the patio. I spotted George wearing the shirt and tie I had bought earlier and I made my way over to him.
"Your shirt ok?" I asked him as I stood beside him checking his attire out.
"It’s fine. You have any problems so far?"
"No nothing. I’ve only seen a couple of people that I know. Remember… whatever happens tonight, we just have to roll with it… for Melissa’s sake." I emphasized as I stared into George’s eyes. He seemed somewhat still as he looked back with a softer look and suddenly caught what he had been doing. He coughed.
"But let’s just hope it doesn't get too complicated. Drink?" he asked.
"Er, fine white wine with soda." I softly answered as he turned to retrieve the drinks. Gradually, more guests began to arrive: my grandmother, a couple of aunts, cousins, friends and neighbours. Eventually, Dad arrived with Uncle Frank, both looking as if they had already sank a few too many, but sober enough however for the party to get into full swing. We mixed and mingled with the other guests, introducing ourselves as George and Amanda. Everything was going smooth and seemed normal - each one accepting us for what we appeared.
As the music kicked in and the dancing began, I excused myself from George for a minute and went to find a quiet spot to have a cigarette. I slipped around the side of the house onto the paved path and took out my cigarettes, lighting one up. I blew a cloud of smoke into the air. I’d only been there a couple of minutes when a voice said,
"Can I bum one of those?"
Startled, I turned to see who it was.
"Ashley?"
"Hello Bruv or should I say Sis? What the hell have you got yourself into?"
I handed Ash the pack and the lighter.
"Long story Sis, but necessary," I answered.
She lit up. "Well you certainly look the part, but… Bruv… where is this going?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well it needs to end sometime. And there will be tears somewhere…" She took a long drag from the cigarette she blew a stream of smoke to the floor.
"Maybe… Do you think anyone has noticed anything?"
"No. Not at all. In fact, couple of people I’ve been taking too has said how pleased they are for George and how lucky he is to have found a good looking partner."
I grinned. "Good. I just had to be here, you know, and changing back to Alex for today would have been a nightmare. Because then I would just have just to change back again to my female self tomorrow."
"Well as long as you don’t get hurt in all this, then I’m cool with it. Now, let’s get back to the party. Dad’s about to make a speech."
The night wore on and darkness fell. The garden was illuminated by hundreds of little spotlights hung from all available points so that sufficient light was available. Once more, I snuck off for a cigarette. This time, when I was finished, I skipped back inside to check on Melissa. I was glad to be away from the biz and have a few minutes on my own. For a start, the wine was beginning to have an effect on me and I needed a few minutes to compose myself.
I walked into the room where the kids had been corralled for the night with snacks and DVD’s to keep them entertained. Inside, were several relative’s children being watched over by one of the neighbour’s teenage daughter's. Grandmother was also there fussing around with one of my nephews. I knew her well and introduced myself as Amanda we shook hands she asked if I could stay for a minute while she nipped out for a drink.
"Eh, no problem."
My voice must have triggered Melissa and her head snapped round "Awex" she said rushing off the couch and towards me, her arms encircling my legs. As I looked up, I could see Grandma looking at me with suspicion. What is it they say about out of the mouths of babes? I froze.
************
Grandma looked sternly at me and walked back over to me. She sort of paused, squinting slightly at my elegantly made up face as I stroked Melissa’s head.
"There’s something not quite right here. Your Mum’s been on edge all night."
I stayed silent.
"Well my dear, what is it? You’re supposed to be Amanda, are you not?"
I sighed looking down at Melissa, trying to think about how I was going to get out of this one. My mind was a blank. I guess then, honesty will need to be the best policy.
"Look Grandma, I can explain."
"I hope so" she replied.
"Let’s sit down for a minute." I said as I took Melissa’s hand and led her towards the settee.
Thirty minutes later I had told my story.
"….. so you see it was for Melissa’s sake. I made a silly mistake and I’ve had to live this lie since. George is not to blame. Me and Debbie badgered him into me coming as Amanda tonight. I just wanted to be here for Dad in some way."
"And your Mum knows about this?"
I nodded.
"And Ashley." I said "But Dad has no idea, please don’t tell him!" I pleaded.
"Well I don’t really approve, but I’ve no wish to spoil his day. But this has to stop." she said her finger wagging at me.
"It will Grandma, as soon as George is on his feet and thinking a bit clearer about Melissa."
Grandma faced me. "You really think this woman is that bad for this child?"
"Yes I do! She’s no motherly instinct whatsoever. She only wants George for his money."
"Well Ok. Should I have a word with him?" she asked.
"No. Don’t do that. He will go mad if he knows that anyone else knows about this." I gestured with my hands down at my dress.
"Ok. But remember, it has to stop."
The door opened and the babysitter stepped back inside "Sorry, my Mum kept me back" she said looking a bit sheepish as she returned to her duties.
"That’s ok, It gave me a chance to meet with Melissa’s Gran" I said with a slight smile on my lips. I could see her looking sternly at me as I rose.
"See you soon Melissa." I said as I walked to the door.
As I walked outside I sighed a huge sigh of relief. I needed a cigarette. I slipped out, passing a few guests in the kitchen, smiled briefly, and walked round the corner of the house. Opening my bag I took out my cigarettes and lit up. The smoke immediately hitt my brain, calming my nerves a bit. That was close! Let’s hope she keeps to her word! I thought to myself. Somehow, I felt that she would. But I also knew that Mum would probably feel the sharp edge of her tongue at some point.
A few minutes later I stubbed out the cigarette with my shoe and walked back towards the party. I had been gone for nearly an hour, so I was keen to find George and see what was happening with him. I spotted him close to the small marquee talking to Ashley.
"Here’s the love of your life!" Ashley teased as I drew close. I flashed her an annoyed smile.
"Where have you been?" George asked.
"Eh, I went to check on Melissa. Got to talking with the babysitter." I lied.
I looked at his glass "What’s that you're drinking?"
"Just a whiskey."
"Just a whiskey? You idiot, how many of them have you had?"
"Your dad just kept giving me them. Maybe three… or four."
"Yeah, and you had two cans of beer as well before I went away. You can’t drive like that!" I said anger in my voice.
"Sure I can."
"No way am I letting you drive Melissa home when you’ve been drinking!!"
"Well… we can’t stay here" he said.
"We’ll just have to… idiot!" I stormed off to find Mum.
Mom was busy seeing some guests out and I waited a minute to draw her attention.
"What is it?" she asked.
"George has been drinking and he wants to drive. But I won’t risk Melissa with his drunkedness and all that. Dad’s been feeding him drink." I said at a frantic pace.
"You can’t stay here. Ashley and Auntie Marge and Uncle Frank are using our spare rooms."
"Well, we can’t go home either."
"Ok leave it with me. I’ll come and find you." She left and I headed back to the party. There were only a smattering of guests left as I walked across the grass. George I could see was deep in conversation with Dad. To be honest, I’d sort of avoided Dad all night, but now, I was walking straight towards him.
"Ah here’s you lubley wife to be.." Dad slurred. It was obvious he had taken a skinful tonight and was well and truly drunk. I was beside George and took his right hand in a gentle hold with my left hand.
"So wven is the big day?" Dad managed to ask.
"Oh, not for a while yet," George replied.
"Good…. tu shee you pudding…. yuur life backs togetter." he managed to say, "Wvhy… dun’t you gives… the lady a kiss? Dun’t be shy."
George looked at me, bent a little, and kissed my forehead.
"Naw lad, ah means… a real kiss." he persisted.
George looked down. I slightly nodded and our heads moved together. Our lips met - my mouth opening slightly. We paused for a moment, my tongue running slightly along his inside his mouth. George opened his eyes a bit wider in surprise as he looked at me while we kissed. When we thought that Dad would be happy with our effort, we parted.
"Thas a bit bedder now. Goesh and take the lady ups fur a dance." Dad smiled as he apparantly thought we passed.
George looked at me again for what to do and I nodded. He lightly placed his hand around my waist. I followed him on to the small dance floor.
"I can’t dance! Really!" I hissed.
"Look… just put your arms around my neck and we will just… shuffle around."
I put both of my arms around his neck, moving closer and we started to move around together.
"What did your Mum say?"
"She’s trying to sort out somewhere for us to stay. How could you be so daft?" I frowned.
"I’m sorry." he offered. "It’s ok now… I think. We’ve gotten past the worst of the night. And we have pulled it off."
"Yeah… we have." I replied. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see Mum exit the house coming towards us with Dad ambling along behind her
"Here’s Mum coming." I whispered. We stopped dancing.
**************
"George, Amanda, Aunt Karen has got a spare room. You can stay there tonight" she said. "But you will need to share…" Her eyebrows arched up a bit as she emphasized the point.
Dad piped in "Thas wun’t be a problem. Affer all, theeysh goving to be man and wife."
George looked at me and then said "Thanks. Do we need to get a taxi there?"
"If you hurry, they are just getting ready to leave now. Melissa is fast asleep - you can pick her up from the lounge."
"Ok, George. Can you get the little bag I packed from the car? I’ll go and get Melissa."
"Ok darling" he kissed me a peck on the lips, playing his part. I walked off with a devious smile on my lips at his comment.
I picked up Melissa and found Aunt Karen by the door, her coat on and ready to leave.
"Sorry about all of this." I softly said.
"It’s ok. It could happen to anyone really. Where’s George?"
"Eh, just picking up a small bag of clothes I had packed for an emergency."
"Good thinking! Always pays to be well prepared." she smiled.
George soon appeared carrying the hold-all just as a taxi pulled up outside. Aunt Karen was a widow whose husband had died in an accident at work a few years back. Her son was studying at University, so I figured that we would get his room. We climbed into the taxi and drove off to make the short journey to her house. Five minutes later we turned onto her street and stepped out, George insisted on paying the taxi driver.
"It’s the least we can do, as your offering us a room for the night." He pulled the pound notes out and paid the driver.
Inside, Aunt Karen made us some coffee. George sat with Melissa in the kitchen while we took our cup upstairs.
"You can stay in my room tonight." Karen offered.
"No.. we couldn’t put you out like that."
"Nonsense! Anyway, the bed in Shane’s room is too small for the two of you."
I sighed.
She showed me the room and where the bathroom was.
"So when are you two getting hitched?" she eagerly asked.
"Oh I don’t know… we’ve not set a date yet."
"George is quite a catch you know."
"Yeah… That he is." I readily agreed.
"Can you ask him to come up? There’s a camp bed in the attic that we can set up for Melissa, if he helps me down with it." she said.
"Sure, I’ll go and get him" I went back to the kitchen.
Half an hour later, the camp bed was up and we Melissa, George and me were in the room. Aunt Karen headed off to bed in Shane’s room.
"Do you want me to sleep on the camp bed?" I quietly asked. "Melissa could bunk in with you."
"What if Karen comes in? Say in the morning and were in separate beds?" George added.
I gave in to that sound logic.
"Eh, I guess your right." I put the dozing Melissa down in the bed and covered her over.
"Goodnight little darling" I said, kissing her cheek. George did the same.
We both began to undress: George; his shoes and socks followed by his trousers. I tried not to look as I turned to slip my dress off. I unfastened the stocking’s and suspender belt that I was wearing and draped them over the chair. Standing in a light blue thong and matching bra I slipped under the covers and pulled them up over me. A minute or so later I felt the bed sag and George slipped in beside me. "Goodnight" he said as he gave me a stare a moment longer.
"Goodnight. See you in the morning" I switched off the bedside light.
The room went dark. My heart was beating at a tremendous rate of knots. Here I was, in bed with George, in a strange house. Wouldn’t Amanda go spare if she could see this now? And she would go even more spare if she knew the truth! I lay awake as the minutes ticked past. Fifteen, twenty maybe before I could hear a slight snore coming from George,
"You awake?" I quietly whispered into the darkness. I snuggled in with him a bit further. The minutes ticked on by. He rolled over and his arm dropped over the middle of my back - his hand dangling just above my chest. I froze at first. I moved back a bit more into him. His hand was pushed further forward by my movement, dropping the hand over my stomach. I edged back all the way, after a thought, with my bum coming into contact with his groin. A slight stir occurred in him as he had an erection - you know, the kind that guy’s get in their sleep?
"George you awake?" I again whispered. Another snore. I was trying to sort out the little mix of confusion within me at this situation. To my surprise, I found that I had pushed back so that his erection was now firmly against me. It just… felt right. I shut my eyes and found myself a bit content. A smile appeared on my face in the darkness as I drifted off.
At that, George leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek.
“Goodnight Alex.”
“Yeah… goodnight.”
I watched him go up the stairs and heard his room door close. I poured myself another drink and sat down, opening my bag and taking out my cigarettes to light one. Three or four more drinks later, and another couple of cigarettes, I was going to bed as well. My brain was in turmoil and had all sorts of thoughts running through it.
Amongst that turmoil, was a single, important question that I was trying to answer: What am I?
My eyes fluttered open as the early morning sun crept its way across the room. It took me a few seconds to get my bearings. You all know that feeling waking up in a strange room? Memories of last night flooded back: the party, George drinking, and us ending up here at Aunt Karen’s. George’s arm was still flopped across my waist; it didn’t seem that he had moved an inch all night. What time is it? I thought as I stretched out my arm and reached for George’s mobile. I lifted it and switched it on, the backlight appearing as it did with Melissa’s face as his wallpaper.
It was just gone half past eight and the phone beeped I looked at it 8 missed calls I pressed the button: all of them from “Manda.” Oh god! She’ll be going spare by this time! I thought. Once more I snuggled in. Yeah, there it was! Another erection nudging into my thong covered ass. What is it with this guy’s erection thing last night and again first thing this morning that was making me feel this way? It seemed like ages since I had experienced one; even that passionate kiss from Debbie awhile back had only encouraged a mild stirring in my loins.
A slight rap at the door “Amanda, George you awake?” George stirred a little grunted a bit and woke. Shock must have taken over when he realised that his arm was draped over my waist. He sat bolt upright. Whether he was immediately aware of his erection, I don’t know, but he rubbed his eyes and ran his fingers through his tousled hair.
“What time is it?” he asked.
“Eh, just around quarter to nine” I replied.
“Shit I’m supposed to be meeting Pete in half an hour we had a job on” George exclaimed, sitting up in the bed.
Another rap at the door. “Amanda, George you awake?”
“We are Aunt Karen,” I said in a loud voice.
The door opened and she stepped inside. George probably became aware of his erection at that point. Grabbing his trousers, he made sure he turned his back before pulling them up.
“I need to take a shower and call Pete. Is it ok if I take a shower?” he asked, turning to face Aunt Karen.
“That’s fine dear. The water has been on for ages. Should be nice and hot” she said.
I sat up by now, pulling the covers up above my breasts. I glanced over at the camp bed and noticed it was empty.
“Where’s Melissa?” I asked.
“Downstairs having her breakfast. I popped my head in earlier. You two seemed comfortable, so I let you lie” she said.
A blush started to cross Geroge’s face as he passed Aunt Karen and headed out the door.
“Ok. I’ll just get dressed and join you.” I said.
“Do you want any breakfast?” Aunt Karen posed as she started to turn.
“Eh, toast and coffee will do me fine.” I said.
“Ok see you downstairs.” And with that she left.
I got up and changed into my spare set of clothes that I had packed for an emergency. By the time I was dressed, George was back out of the shower and calling Pete on his mobile.
“Pete? Its George. Look mate, we had to stay over last night. You ok to kick it off?” he asked as I picked up my makeup bag and headed to the bathroom to touch up my face.
Twenty minutes later, we were all seated downstairs drinking some coffee as George looked at his watch every few seconds. I drained the last of my cup and got up.
“Come on babes,” I said to Melissa “Daddy needs to get back to work.” I walked over and gripped her hand as she toddled after me to go and pack away our stuff.
Fifteen minutes later we were back at Mum’s and pulling away from her driveway as her and Ashley waved us off. Dad was still in bed nursing his hangover, so another meeting with him had been avoided. As we pulled out onto the main road, George said,
“Sorry about last night.”
“What? The drinking?” I replied in that tone that women use to make disapproval apparent.
“Well… yeah. This morning as well… with my arm draped over you and all.” he stuttered.
“That’s ok George.”
A slight smile crossed my face as I turned to face out the window.
“Good.” was all he said. The rest of the journey then descended into silence.
Back home, Debbie was on the phone in less than thirty minutes after we got back home. George had shot off to help Pete and no doubt grovel to Amanda. Melissa was busy tucking in to her lunch while I spoke with Debbie on the phone.
“So how did it go?”
“Fine… except for me being rumbled by my Grandma because Melissa ran over shouting” Awex!” at me”
There was laughter in the background.
“What did you do?”
“I explained it to her. She wasn’t happy, but I asked her to keep quiet for the night and speak to Mum about it”
“And did she?”
“Yeah,” I replied as I lit into a cigarette.
“So how come you stayed over?”
“Well Dad got George to drinking and I wouldn’t let him drive. So, we had to stay with Aunt Karen.”
“She had plenty room then?”
“Eh, well yes and no.” I hesitated slightly.
“Where did you all sleep?”
“She had a spare camp bed so Melissa slept there. Me and George had to share.”
There was a silence.
“You slept with him?”
I could feel my face go red as she spoke; I took a draw on the cigarette.
“Well not exactly. We only shared the same bed.”
“Jesus! Amanda would hit the ceiling if she knew that!” she laughed.
“It’s not funny! He had eight missed calls from her on his mobile this morning.”
“Of course she will be happy. I can see her face right now. If she knew you were impersonating her, she would be even madder.”
“Well, it gets a bit worse than that.”
“How come?”
“Well, during the party, when Dad was drunk, he insisted on a kiss between me and George. At first it was just a peck on the cheek, but then he insisted. So we had a fully fledged snog.”
That was it. Debbie just dissolved into laughter. It was a good while before I could calm her down.
“Alex look, it’s been ages since me and Gavin had any company over here. It’s our wedding anniversary on Friday. Why don’t you and George come over for dinner?”
“Eh I don’t know. Maybe that would be pushing it a bit?”
“Well ask him. It’s been ages since him and Gavin have had a good chat.” she persisted.
“Ok, I’ll ask him.”
“Good. I’ll ring you tomorrow. I need to go to the loo. All that laughing has my bladder bursting. See you babes.”
“Ok, speak to you soon.”
********
I left the subject for a day or so before approaching George. So one night, over dinner, I asked.
“Are you seeing Amanda this weekend?”
“Why?”
“Oh nothing, really” I replied.
“Only on Saturday. She’s going out with her mates from work on Friday.” he added.
“It’s just that Debbie and Gavin invited us over for dinner on Friday. It’s their anniversary.”
“I don’t think that would be such a good idea.”
“Oh, go on. Debbie said it’s been ages since you and Gavin have had a good old chat.”
“Yeah, that’s true. You know, we used to play football together in the same team when we were younger.”
“Well then, lot’s to catch up on.”
“I suppose, ok tell her it’s a date.” he said picking up his plate and deposited it into the sink.
“I’m just going to say goodnight to Melissa” he added.
“Ok, no problem. I’ll wash up.”
The next morning, I called Debbie first thing. “We’re on for dinner.”
“Good going girl! That means shopping trip tomorrow.” I could just hear the excitement in her voice.
“Why shopping?”
“Well, you need a new dress, for dinner.”
I laughed, saying “Debbie your incorrigible.”
“Yeah, I know, but you love me really. See you tomorrow babes.”
As planned, Debbie had turned up early Wednesday and drove us to Glasgow for another shopping expedition. If there’s one thing Debbie does well, it’s shopping. As usual, she dragged me around stores looking for an outfit. When she was finally satisfied that she had found me the right dress, we set about finding something for her as well and shirts and ties for Gavin and George. Melissa was not left out; a couple of things were found for her as well.
Friday came, and with Melissa dressed and ready to go, I set about getting myself ready for our dinner excursion. Once I had done my makeup, something I was now becoming particularly skilled in, I pulled open the wardrobe. Looking inside, I was amazed at how much women’s clothing I had now accumulated. But then, that’s Debbie and shopping for you. I found the dress that she had insisted I buy, rather tight. It was a red affair made from some sort of shiny fabric. It wasn’t latex or silk or anything like that, but it felt lovely to wear against my skin and so cool and refreshing, I thought as I pulled it over my curves and then zipped it up my back. Picking up a pair of 4 inch heeled patent shoes with a slight platform, I slipped them onto my feet. I crossed back over to the dresser and sprayed on some Ysatis perfume liberally over my neck and cleavage before a little spritz onto my wrists. The smell of the perfume hung heavy in the air. Dropping the bottle into a small red clutch bag, I put in my cigarettes, lighter, compact, and lipstick.
I descended the stairs in my heels. They clicked along the wooden slats as I came down. Downstairs, I found George and Melissa waiting for me. “You look rather nice.” he complimented me as he looked up from Melissa. I stopped dead in my tracks. Did he just say what I thought he said?
“Eh thanks.” I paused. “Shall we go then?”
“Ok, come on Mel, were off to Auntie Debs for the night.”
“Devvi, Devvi” Melissa called in her high pitched voice as George took her hand and we left the house.
*********
Debbie surprised me with her cooking expertise that night. For someone who is out on the town as much as her, her culinary skills were excellent. After a succulent meal, George and Gavin retired to Gavin’s game room to play some pool while me and Debbie cleaned up and looked after Melissa. As the night drew on, Melissa finally gave in to the exertions of the day and Debbie uncorked a bottle of wine for us to enjoy. We sat back with a cigarette and a cool glass of wine.
“So what are you going to do?” Debbie asked me.
“About what?”
“About George of course! It’s obvious that you would like to be more than just a babysitter,” she spilled.
“Is it now? I don’t really know what I want to do. My mind is in turmoil. I know that Amanda’s not the one for him or Melissa for that matter. But me and him… you’re having a laugh.”
“Why do you think that?”
“Well, for one, he’s not gay. And, in case you’ve forgotten, I’m really a guy.”
“You could always change that.” she countered.
I looked at her face while taking a draw from my cigarette and blowing out a white stream of smoke. She seemed serious about the matter.
“Change?” I asked
“A sex change. Lots of people do it.”
“Well maybe they do, but I’ve not thought about it.” I nervously sipped on some more wine.
“Look Alex. I’m not telling you what to do or putting ideas in your head, but the guy I met those few short months ago was a nice person. The person sitting in front of me now is my wonderful friend and I see no guy. You’ve made George and Melissa a family again it would be a shame to see it come apart if you were not there.”
The door opened at that point, and George and Gavin stepped back in. “Whipped his ass — George.” Gavin laughed as they came in.
“What are you two gossiping about?” Gavin asked as he followed George on in.
“Oh, just our men.” Debbie quipped. I could see a blush spread across George’s face.
“Nothing new there, is there then?” Gavin smiled as he bent down and gave Debbie a kiss.
We sat around chatting for awhile before it was time to go. With Melissa all wrapped up and a cab ordered to take us back to the farm, we sat out on the porch, finishing of our drinks watching the road for our cab.
“Say I’ve got an idea.” Debbie suggested. “Next week is the bank holiday. Why don’t we all go to a theme park for the day?”
“Yeah, why not?” Gavin added.
George interrupted. “I’ve got too much work to do.”
“George you need to take on some more help. Look, Pete’s one of the best young farm hands around. In fact, I wish he worked for me. While Melissa is still young, you should spend more time with her. You’ll regret it if you don’t. Besides when the time is right, and Debbie is pregnant, I’ll be spending more time with her. She’ll probably hate the sight of me by then.” he glanced down at her and gave her a playful hug.
George glanced over at Melissa. “Maybe I should” he whispered and kept on watching her. Just then, a car horn honked out on the driveway.
The drive back to the farm was silent. Once back inside, I took Melissa upstairs and put her to bed. When I came back down, George sat with a glass of whiskey and lemonade.
“You want a drink?”
“Ok, I’ll get it.” I said.
I walked over to the drink cabinet and poured myself a rather large measure of vodka, some coke and a couple of ice cubes. I then joined George in the lounge. We sat mostly in silence with just little comments about how nice Gavin and Debbie’s house was and how good the meal was. Finally, George drained his glass and stood up.
“I’m off to bed. You going up?”
I sat, transfixed for a minute, thinking about what he had just said. I then snapped out of my dream and back to reality.
“Eh, I think I might have another one, and then go up.” I said drinking the last of my drink. I stood up. As I passed George, he admitted, “I had a good night tonight with you and you did look good.”
I paused and didn’t quite know how to respond. Finally, I managed, “Thanks… I had a good time myself as well.”
At that, George leaned forward and kissed me on the cheek.
“Goodnight Alex.”
“Yeah… goodnight.”
I watched him go up the stairs and heard his room door close. I poured myself another drink and sat down, opening my bag and taking out my cigarettes to light one. Three or four more drinks later, and another couple of cigarettes, I was going to bed as well. My brain was in turmoil and had all sorts of thoughts running through it.
Amongst that turmoil, was a single, important question that I was trying to answer: What am I?
“Is it illegal for cousins to become involved?” I blushed and felt the tinge of embarrassment shoot down my spine as I took another draw on the cigarette.
“You mean you and George?”
“Eh, well… maybe.” I stammered.
“You're only half cousin’s aren’t you? Well Yeah and no. It’s not illegal. Unusual, but not illegal. You thinking about making a play for George?”
“Debbie and Gavin still up for Monday?” he asked as we sat down for dinner Saturday evening.
I looked at him. “As far as I know. I’ll call her after dinner to make sure.”
“I was thinking we could make a real day of it. We could get an early morning start, spot of lunch on the way up to the park, and then dinner somewhere on the way back”
“Hey steady on its only last week you were reluctant to take any time off from work. Now you’re planning a whole adventure!” I sniggered at his enthusiasm.
“Well Gavin was right. I thought a lot about it since… you know.” he nodded in my direction.
I acknowledged what he meant - talking about Grace.
He went on “I’ve not spent enough time with Melissa. I’ve been rather been too wrapped up in the farm and my problems. It didn’t take much for the both of you to make me see that I need to take time with her. I have been remiss in being her father.” He looked down at his plate and fiddled a bit with his food.
I saw his guilt gnawing on him. “Least you recognize the problem George. And, it’s not like you were able to do much about it back then. Let’s see how you par as a parent from here forward, and not dwell on the past, ok?”
George kept his eyes down on the plate. “You are right. I’ll give it my best, for Melissa.”
“Well then, I guess it’s a date. I’ll give Debbie a call.”
Everything went according to plan. Early Monday morning arrived and I rose to get ready for our day at the theme park. I grabbed a shower, soaping myself liberally with a lovely scented soap. The breast forms and gaffe I had been wearing for weeks now, just seemed like part of my natural body. I momentarily wondered why it was nothing seemed strange or out of place. I was totally comfortable with this being me. Strange. Or is it?
I stepped out of the warm water and picked up a towel, patting myself dry. I brushed my wet hair out and pulled on my dressing gown. Padding back across the hallway, I sat down at the dresser and began to dry my hair.
Over the weeks, I had become accustomed to taking care of my hair. The miracles of cosmetics, with help and advice from Debbie, I was now somewhat proficient in both. I had begun using heated rollers to get some curl into my hair for the day. It had gradually lengthened over the course of the weeks since my last cut and was now quite full. Soon I had mass of curls dropping from my head. I began my makeup, reminding myself that I was just going to a Theme Park for the day and not a night on the tiles with Debbie. So less was more, if you get what I mean.
Using some foundation and powder, I created my canvas to paint on Alex. Two tones of pink eye-shadow blended at the right places with a white at the top corners of each upper lid to brighten my eyes. With mascara and eyeliner out of the way, I filled in my lips with a strong pink lipstick - enough to get noticed but not too much for daywear. I finished off with a matching pink polish for my nails and sat back waiting for them to dry.
Makeup complete, I set about getting dressed for the day after a quick glance out the window to check the weather. It was bright, but not too sunny, so I decided against a dress. Instead, I pulled on a pair of leather trousers I had worn on my night out with Pete. With white underwear already in place, I chose a white lacy blouse. If it turned colder I would need a cardigan or something so I pulled one from the wardrobe and laid it on the bed. I finished off my outfit with a wide leather belt with silver studs which hung loose at my waist slanting down to the left. Walking around a Theme Park was no place for stilettos, but as I had chosen the leather trousers, they were needed. So grabbing a pair of three inch high heels, I slipped them on. Picking up the cardigan, it was time to go and join George and Melissa.
An hour later, with Gavin and Debbie with us, all five of us were in the Land Rover, speeding along the motorway en route to the theme park. Me and Debbie were in the back with Melissa, keeping her occupied. Melissa did seem rather excited and cheerful for the adventure ahead. Gavin was up front, acting as co-pilot, as none of us had ever been there before. Gavin and George made small talk over the new farm hands and how were they fitting in. What did he plan to do with his free time now? How were the arrangements going for the Annual Farmers Ball? Etc.
“Ball?” I asked, perking up my ears.
“Yeah. It’s in about two weeks. Has George not told you about it?” Gavin asked.
“Eh no. He never mentioned it to me”
George cleared his throat. “Well, I was going to. But… I seemed to have forgotten. I wasn’t sure if you would still be here by then, so I never mentioned it.” George sounded a bit embarrassed.
“Oh you need to go!” Debby piped in excitedly. “It’s the event of the year- the one chance for all these country yokels to really put the boat out and dress up!” she giggled.
“Hey! Who’s a yokel?” Gavin playfully exclaimed.
She made a face at him, putting her tongue out in jest.
“No, really, you need to go!” she went on. “George, are you taking Amanda?”
“Well, I am, I suppose.” he replied.
“Well surely, as you’re the organiser this year, you can get Alex a ticket.” Debbie winked at me.
“Eh, I don’t know. I mean, its couples only. I’m not sure I can swing it. I mean it wouldn’t look good, would it?” he squirmed.
I felt a pit in my stomach. “It’s ok. If I can’t go, then I can’t go!” I turned and looked out the window at the passing countryside.
Debbie persisted “Isn’t Archie Spiers wife in hospital? She won’t be using her ticket. Alex could use that one.”
“I’m not sure…” George repeated.
“Yeah she is” Gavin brazened, bolstering Debbie’s attack. “I play golf with him on Sundays. I’ll ask him if it’s ok. I’m sure he won’t mind.”
“There, that’s settled then. Alex can come with us so as not to play gooseberry on you and Amanda. But at least she will get to go. And it gives me an excuse for a shopping trip!” she laughed.
“As if you needed one…” Gavin sighed up front.
My thoughts were bouncing between jealousy and being hurt. On one hand, I wanted to go, but I wanted it to be with George. Knowing Amanda would be there with him ate at me. I should be there with him, not her! I should! Damn.
I let out an almost inaudible sigh as I continued watching the scenery flow by through the window. The conversation had been silenced.
We pulled into the parking lot of the theme park. George and Gavin got out and went to get Melissa’s buggy from the back in case she got tired later. While Debbie and I climbed out from the back, Melissa was already straining at my hand to get on with her adventure. We purchased day passes for a family and for Debbie and Gavin. Once our bright yellow wrist bands were securely attached to our wrists, it was off to start our day.
We moved from ride to ride, some more daring than others. George, Melissa and I were taking our seats in a variety of small metal cubicles as we were whirred around various rides at varying speeds. Debbie and Gavin were usually close behind us in the next cart.
We had been riding various attractions for just over an hour, when we reached what was probably the largest ride in the park. It had water splash features and loop the loops. That just terrified Debbie.
“Look, you two guy’s go on with Melissa. Me and Alex will watch and have a ciggie” she announced as we approached the ride.
George looked at me “You ok with that?”
“Yeah, its fine by me. You three go and enjoy yourself. I could do with a break.”
The men walked off with Melissa hand in hand between them. Me and Debbie retreated to a bench and sat down. Opening our bags we took out our cigarettes and both lit up.
“Been a good day so far. I’m enjoying it. I think Melissa and George are having fun well.” I smiled as I blew out a small ring of smoke.
“You three really look like a family together.” She commented. I blushed.
“Debbie, can I ask you something?”
“Yeah shoot.”
“Is it illegal for cousins to become involved?” I blushed and felt the tinge of embarrassment shoot down my spine as I took another draw on the cigarette.
“You mean you and George?”
“Eh, well… maybe.” I stammered.
“You're only half cousin’s aren’t you? Well Yeah and no. It’s not illegal. Unusual, but not illegal. You thinking about making a play for George?”
I blushed again. “I don’t know. He seems happy with Amanda, but we all know she’s not right for him. I mean, he’s never given me any encouragement or sign that he’s in the least bit gay or interested in me in that way, yet recently, he’s been a whole lot more attentive and interested in me. It's as if he views me as a woman now.”
“Well there’s only one way to find out. You definitely need to talk to him!”
“I know. But I’m so scared! I don’t want to destroy what I have! I’m so happy here with them and with you as my friend. I’ve never been more comfortable with myself at any time in my life than I am as Alex.”
“Well if you are going to make a move, you need to do it soon.”
We sat in silence, watching the two men and Melissa set off on the ride. Finishing our cigarettes we continued to watch them and laughed at their antics as the ride screamed upwards. Debbie glanced at her watch.
“Me and Gavin need to nip away for an hour or so.” she announced.
“Why” I asked, a bit surprised.
“Well, you see that hotel we passed on the way in?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, we’ve arranged to meet a couple there for a bit of afternoon fun.”
I blushed. “Debby Cairns, you shameless hussy!”
She shrugged her shoulders. “What can I say? We met them at a swinger’s night a few weeks ago. Nothing happened, but they just live up the road and it was too good an opportunity to miss. She’s got a great pair of boobs - so pert! And a great ass I just can’t wait to get my hands on…”
I blushed again. “So do you and the other woman get together?”
“Yeah. Usually starts out that way until the guy’s become involved” she answered, dropping her cigarette on the sidewalk and crushing it out with her shoe.
“So does Gavin ever…?” I stopped.
“What”
“Well… does Gavin ever get involved with the guy’s you know?”
“Not often, but he has done. There was one guy….”
I interrupted her. “Eh too much information! Let’s just leave it there.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the ride coming to an end and George and Gavin lifting Melissa out.
“Eh, well you enjoy.” I said as we stood up.
“We will. We’ll be back in just over an hour. Anyway, you and George need a chance to talk. Now’s a good time as any?” she grinned as we walked towards them.
“Ok I’ll leave it then, you’re are a grown man and Melissa is your daughter so it’s your decision. I just don’t think that after Grace you two should be apart. Ok it’s bound to happen that a good looking guy like yourself would meet somebody else. But just be careful. Neither of you can take another break up. So make sure you make the right choice for the right reason.” I said.
“What about in there” he said as he pointed across the square.
“Looks fine to me” I replied taking a firmer grip of Melissa’s hand we walked towards it.
“Want to get something to eat babes?” I smiled bending slightly towards her.
“No play” she said pulling at my hand.
“Later babes. Me and Dad need a snack.”
“Play” she insisted.
George looked at me “Looks like she’s not hungry, but I could sure do with a coffee and a sandwich.”
Scanning the building I noticed a sign “Look it’s got a crá¨che maybe we could get something while she plays away”
“We could check it out I suppose”
I left Melissa at the door while I went inside to check on the facilities, a waitress stood just inside the door to escort people to a table.
“Eh excuse me, I noticed the sign on the wall it says you have a crá¨che?” I enquired.
“Yeah there’s a full play area just around the corner: trampolines, climbing frames, chutes the works. There are a couple of assistants that will look after the children till you have had your meal.” she answered.
“Eh thanks. Just round there?” I gestured with my hand.
She nodded.
A few minutes later we had left Melissa in the capable hands of one of the Play supervisors. She immediately made a dash for the chute hardly noticing that we had left as we walked back towards the restaurant.
Inside we were seated and gave the waitress our order as we sat facing each other at the table.
I was desperately trying to think of conversation to speak to George about. Well, really about Amanda. Then, he broke the ice for me.
“You’ve been a bit quiet today” he asked.
“Have I?”
“Anything on your mind?” he pressed.
“Eh there is a bit. But you will only get angry or fly of the handle like you usually do” I said as the waitress approached us with our food and drinks.
“I guess it’s about Amanda then…” he sighed.
I nodded.
“God Alex! We’ve been through all this before.” he let loose, casting a gaze out the window as the waitress reached our table.
“That’s just it George. Any time I try to talk to you, you won’t listen! Can I just get a couple of minutes without you going off on one? I promise I won’t ever bring it up again!”
George dropped some sugar into his coffee and lifting up the milk jug, poured some in, “Well if it’s going to lighten your mood a bit and bring an end to it, then go ahead. But I warn you, I won’t have you bad mouthing Manda just for the sake of it.”
I took a deep breath, “Ok. Look, I don’t really know her that well I’ve only met her a couple of times. But I just don’t think that she’s right for you or Melissa. I don’t doubt that she’s attracted to you, I mean you’re a good looking guy.” A blush quickly spread across my face.
I went on “I just think though that she’s not that interested in children or that good with them for that matter. I think that she might want you but not really the family. I can see her getting her feet under the table and then coaxing you to send Melissa away to maybe a boarding school or something, you know one of those private fee schools.”
“So have you any evidence?”
“No, not really. But I know that she went to one and never stops raving about it to people.”
“Who told you that?”
“Debbie mentioned it and I think Pete did at some point as well.”
“Well she did. And yes she did enjoy it, said it was the making of her, character building”
“Yeah that may well be, but would you seriously consider sending Melissa to one, I mean she loves the farm the open air, the freedom, the animals, she needs a family around her and a mother and father to share those thing’s with, not stuck in some dorm somewhere and home for just the holidays.”
“Yeah well maybe you’re right, but she’s never suggested that to me so for the moment she’s not guilty.”
I sighed a bit, last card to play I thought, “Did you know for instance that she made a play for Gavin” I asked.
George looked up from his cup, a look of surprise on his face.
“Yeah that’s right, Debbie smacked her one a while back when she tried to seduce him”
“No I didn’t know but that’s in the past, she’s with me now she would not do that” he replied.
Well I had played my last card so that was it, as much as maybe I had tried to wound the relationship, I think the last little fact had maybe just scratched the surface a bit, because it definitely made George think, but no more.
“Ok I’ll leave it then, you’re are a grown man and Melissa is your daughter so it’s your decision. I just don’t think that after Grace you two should be apart. Ok it’s bound to happen that a good looking guy like yourself would meet somebody else. But just be careful. Neither of you can take another break up. So make sure you make the right choice for the right reason.” I said.
I ate the last of my sandwich and drank the last of my coffee, “Maybe we better get back for Melissa” George said.
“Yeah I suppose we should” I looked at my watch. Debbie and Gavin had been gone for over fifty minutes now hopefully they should be back soon.
We got up and walked out of the diner and around to the play area. Melissa spotted us and darted across the play area to meet us the play assistant close behind her. We reached the gate just as she did.
“Have a nice lunch?” the assistant asked.
“Yeah thanks” George said.
“She’s a lovely child, so full of fun and happiness. She’s a credit to you and you make a lovely family.” the assistant said casting her eyes across the two of us.
“Eh, Eh thanks.” George said as he reached for Melissa’s hand.
“Thanks for taking care of her.” I said as we turned to leave.
“No problem. As I said, you have a lovely child there.”
We managed to take in one more ride before I spotted Gavin and Debbie strutting hand in hand across the Theme Park looking for us. Once more their lifestyle puzzled me. How could they be so in love but share their bodies with others? I thought. But who am I too judge? They are happy and content with their choices and, as Debbie frequently pointed out, what they got up to was no threat to them. We joined them and set off to continue our day.
We managed just a couple more of the attractions before predictably the Scottish weather began to fail and a heavy drizzle began to fall.
George scanned his watch, “It’s just gone 3:30, I thought we could have dinner at Cochranes,” he announced.
“Fab, I love that place!” Debbie exclaimed.
“So you want to head for it now? Seeing’s how as the rain has started…” I asked.
“Yeah let’s go. Meetings always make me hungry” Debbie winked at me. I dissolved into laughter.
“What’s the joke?” George asked.
“Eh nothing. Just a girl thing!” I managed to get out through the giggles.
“Women!” George gave up as we started the trek back to the car.
…………..
It took us about 30 minutes to reach the restaurant. We parked and all got out.
“Me and Alex are going to have a ciggie” Debbie stated as we walked to the restaurant, “You guys go on and get us a table.”
We sat on a wooden table under a parasol outside the restaurant. I pulled my cigarettes out of the bag and offered Debbie one. She took it and we lit up. The rain had passed and you could smell that wet scent of flowers after a shower of rain.
“So how was your meeting?” I asked.
“She laughed great, just as I expected… those boobs and the arse.” She grinned as she dragged on her cigarette and filled the air with a cloud of smoke.
“Yeah ok, ok. Enough. I get the picture”
“Now that would be something to see! Or maybe a video? Hey, maybe I could talk Gavin into it? You know, something to warm us up on long hot winter nights?” she smirked.
“Debbie! You are incorrigible!”
“Hey just! Although, no… maybe not. Too much of a risk.”
“You gonna see them again?” I asked.
“Yeah sure we will. At another party sometime. But it’s not often we get together with the same couple twice. So who knows?” she took another drag on her cigarette. “So what about you? Have a good day? Did you speak to George?”
“Yeah I did. Don’t think it made a great deal of difference, but at least he listened and did not go off on one like he usually does” I replied.
“Well, that’s all you can do. She’s in possession of the ball, as I told you. She’ll need to drop it first before someone else can get their hands on it… or them.”
“Ok, I’ve heard that before. Now let’s go and join the guys” I said as we stood and crushed out our cigarettes in the ashtray and headed back into the restaurant.
After a quite lovely meal, we got home around eight. Melissa was fast asleep by that time and we had dropped off Debbie and Gavin. We turned up the driveway towards the house.
“You know, some of what you said today… well, it made sense.” George admitted as we slowed towards the house.
“So you’re not mad at me?”
“No. It’s your opinion. You might be right. Who knows? Only time will tell, but I will tell you that I won’t ever send Melissa to a boarding school. You were right about that. She needs to grow up right here with me” he said as he pulled on the handbrake.
I pulled off my seatbelt, and to my surprise, I leaned over and went to kiss him on the cheek. He turned slightly and I caught him on the edge of his mouth. I jumped back a bit, surprised.
“I’m sorry… I never meant to…”
He laughed, “Its ok.” He then opened the door and stepped out.
I lifted Melissa out of the rear of the car and followed him up the path and went inside.
“I’ll take Melissa up. She’s exhausted.” I said.
“Ok. I’ll mix us a drink, vodka and coke.”George offered.
“I’ll be down in a minute.” I whispered as I carried Melissa up. I halted after a few steps and turned to face George. “Oh, and George? Thanks for listening.”
I smiled and then carried Melissa to her bed.
“Oh, but I am going! Didn’t George tell you?” I could see the smile alter instantly as she glared at me from across the table.
Sensing that I had inflicted a wound, I drove the knife a bit deeper. “Eh who is it? A Mr. Spiers? I think his wife’s in hospital. Anyway, Gavin play’s golf with him so he asked him for his spare ticket and he said it was ok.”
I could see the look on Amanda’s face go from something between surprise and anger as she looked down into her cup.
“You will need to sit with us and Archie at the meal. The tables are numbered and named. Is that ok?” Debbie asked.
“Yeah, that’s not a problem. Can’t say I would have been all that keen sitting with George and Amanda” I replied.
“How are things on that front? Any change since our day out last week?”
“Well, he’s been really nice to me this week - even insisted on making dinner the other night.” I grinned.
“Keep it up and maybe we will avert the disaster of Amanda getting her feet under the table for good.”
“So I guess the Ball means another shopping trip?” I grinned.
“Eh no. You’ve a lot to learn yet Alex. Remember, this is the event of the year around here. You need a classy dress, one that’s just right for the night. Well, you do if you’re young enough to wear it and we are.”
“So what then?” I was a little confused.
“Well, it’s the kind of outfit you would not wear again, so you rent it. I mean I’ve been to about eight of these now and it’s stupid having eight different dresses that you’ll never wear again lying in a wardrobe.”
“I suppose so… Where do we rent them?”
“Look, don’t you worry about that. I know your size and I know just the place on the net to rent something for the both of us. You just continue to do what you’re doing at home and I’ll take care of the clothes. Besides, it will be a surprise. And, you will be coming with us and not keeping George and Amanda company on the drive over.”
“Yeah I suppose so.” I sighed.
“What are you going to do about Melissa?” Debbie remembered.
“Eh? I suppose I will need to call Mum and see if she can take her for the night.”
“How do you think that will go down if you tell her you’re going to a ball?”
“Eh I’m not sure. Maybe I won’t tell her… I’ll call her later today.” I sounded a little dejected.
“Well, if you are really struggling, I can probably rustle up a babysitter from in town.” she offered.
“Thanks. We’ll see.”
“Look, I better go. I’ll see you tomorrow for a work out and a bit of lunch, ok?” Debbie jabbed at me.
“Yeah fine. See you then.” With that, Debbie hung up the phone.
The Ball was only two weeks away and I was getting excited and worried at the same time already.
…………..
The next morning, I called Mum.
“Mum it’s me, Alex. I need to ask you a favour”
“Which is…?” she inquired.
“I need to go to an interview with the Education Board just to sort out some details over the date for me taking up post. Could you maybe have Melissa for the weekend,” I lied.
“When?”
“Eh the weekend after next. I need to get changed and fixed up Friday. The interview’s on Monday, so you would need to bring her back Tuesday.” I sorted on the fly.
“What about George? Can’t he manage?”
“Eh no, it’s the Farmers Union Summer Ball that weekend, George is doing a lot of the organising so he will be rushed off his feet. Please Mum?” I begged.
“Ok. Dad and Ashley will be pleased to see her anyway. I’ll need to pick her up Thursday night though because I have a doctor’s appointment Friday.”
“Thank you so much Mum! You know I love you!” Even better than I thought! I thought to myself. That gives me and Debbie even more time to prepare for the ball.
“We’ll see, Alex.” She laughed.
“Thanks, and see you later Mum.” I made a kissing sound and hung the phone up.
The next few days flew past by and the weekend arrived. Things were all pretty much set for the Ball. George had been working most of the week on the final details with caterers: the company provided the bar and the band that had been hired to provide entertainment for that night.
The Saturday night before, me and George were sitting, chatting over a coffee after dinner when the door opened and Amanda slinked in, dressed in a smart skirt and blouse with immaculate makeup.
“You’re not ready yet?” she snided incredulously as she approached us.
George looked up a bit bemused.
“You forgot didn’t you? We are going for a drink with my boss and his wife?” she said, sounding a bit exasperated by it all.
“Oh babe! It just slipped my mind” George panicked as he got up and kissed her on the lips. “I’ll be five minutes! I’ll grab a wash and change!” he hurried up the stairs.
Amanda looked directly at me. I think she liked the thought of treating me like the hired help. It gave her some kind of power kick. Obediently, I got up to make her a cup of coffee. I took out a mug and dropped some coffee granules in it just as the water came to a boil.
“Milk or sugar?” I chimed as I poured the hot water in.
“Nothing. Just black. I need to keep my figure in check for the big night next week.” She mean-spiritedly jabbed at me as I carried her cup back towards her.
“You should see the dress I have for next week - it’s stunning. I mean, I so need to make a good impression if I’m on the arm of the organiser,” she went on.
“Yeah I suppose” I disinterestedly answered as I set the cup down in front of her.
She took a sip. “You know, it’s such a pity you can’t go. I mean you’ve been here for months now and to miss the event of the year in these parts would be such a shame” she smiled a bit wicked at me. “But then again, it’s more suited to couples. So I guess you would feel out of place.”
“Oh, but I am going! Didn’t George tell you?” I could see the smile alter instantly as she glared at me from across the table.
Sensing that I had inflicted a wound, I drove the knife a bit deeper. “Eh who is it? A Mr. Spiers? I think his wife’s in hospital. Anyway, Gavin play’s golf with him so he asked him for his spare ticket and he said it was ok.”
I could see the look on Amanda’s face go from something between surprise and anger as she looked down into her cup.
“It’s ok though. I’m going with Debbie and Gavin so I won’t be cramping your style. You will still have George all to yourself.” I reassured her as I could hear George begin to come down the stairs.
“Eh right.” She got up as George rushed back into the kitchen.
“You ready to go babe?” George looked Amanda over and leaned in to kiss her.
“Yes I am.” she lovingly answered as she wrapped her arms around his waist and accepted George’s kiss. A pang of jealously shot down my spine.
“Ok let’s go. I’ll drive, you can have a drink. Maybe stay over?” he said putting his arm round her shoulders.
“Maybe…” she vexingly left open as they got to the door.
“See you later Alex!” George called back as they exited.
“Yeah… see you later.” I replied as I got up and carried the dishes to the sink.
Peering out of the kitchen window, I could see them walking towards the car. George’s arm had gone from Amanda’s shoulder as she gestured back towards the house in what seemed like an almost frantic manner, chattering away in his ear as they reached the car.
A smile crept across my lips as they drove off.
I reached for the door handle and stopped. Turning around, I kissed George on his cheek.
His hand went to his cheek in surprise.
“What was that for?” he asked.
“Oh… just for being you. And for giving me the chance of tomorrow night.”
At last, Thursday arrived and I felt like we were finally getting somewhere. Earlier in the afternoon I had packed a bag for Melissa. I had prepared her for an already promising great adventure at her Gran’s, so like me, she was a bundle of excitement! Mum arrived just before the night’s tea.
“I see your still Alex. Isn’t about time you got changed?” Mum fussed, eyeing me carefully.
“Eh, Saturday Mum. I’m going over to Debbie’s to change, then go for my interview and come back Monday night.”
“What about your hair and all that? It’s so long now, and the colours different. And those nails…” she said pointing to my long acrylic extensions.
“Don’t fuss Mum. Debbie’s got it all covered. I’ll be fine” I replied.
“I hope so, where’s George?” she asked.
“Oh he’s got a meeting tonight to go over the final details of the Ball. He won’t be back too late.” I finished, finally relaxing.
Melissa came charging into the room at that point.
“Hi babes, you all ready for your trip?” I grinned and made a face at her. Melissa broke out in a smile and nodded.
“I’ll get her bag,” I said rising from the table as I went upstairs and grabbed the suitcase I had prepared for Melissa and headed back down to the kitchen.
Mum placed Melissa’s small delicate hand inside of hers. “I suppose we had better get going then darling,” she stated, looking down at Melissa as we headed outdoors.
Once we had reached the car, I popped open the boot and put Melissa’s case inside while Mum secured her in the child seat in the back. I popped my head in just before the door was closed and kissed Melissa on the cheek.
“You be good for Gran babes! I’ll see you Tuesday, I’m… I’m gonna miss you” I tried to hold back my tears, but somehow they found their way out and I hugged her. Melissa’s arm had snaked around my shoulders and she was hugging me back to her. I stepped back and closed the door. Mum was already seated with the window down.
“You know Alex, I don’t quite believe you about this weekend. But, you must have some reason for not wanting Melissa around. But hey! You’ll probably tell me in your own time. Take care hon.”
“I will Mum… and thanks,” I smiled, a bit sad at not having Melissa around, as the car engine started and Mum began to back away.
Back in the house, I lit up a cigarette and poured myself a glass of wine. The house was painfully quiet without Melissa. Tomorrow was going to be a long day without her. I winced at the thought and turned my mind to other things.
Soon after George arrived home and I set out his dinner and chatted while he ate.
“She get off ok?” he asked.
“Yeah no problem. Melissa was really excited about it too, but I miss her already,” I replied rather glumly.
“Yeah… so do I. Look, Alex, it’ll only be a couple of days though.”
“If you don’t mind, I was going to stay at Debs tomorrow night. Then we can have all day Saturday to get ready.”
“Fine by me. You’re really looking forward to this, aren’t you?”
“Yeah. I just wish Debs would tell me what the damn dress looked like!”
“Listen to you!” he laughed.
………….
The next morning I was up early and showered. I was hoping to catch Debbie before she left to collect our dresses. I picked up the phone and dialed. Several rings passed, then the sounds of the receiver being picked up were heard.
“Debs? It’s me. You’ve not left yet?”
“Well, I wouldn’t be answering the phone if I had, now would I?” she sarcastically replied.
“Funny. Look, I was really wondering if I could come with you.”
A pause. “No”
“Oh go on! Let me come with you. I mean… look, it might not fit.”
“Alex you’ve been fishing about this dress for days now, so you can just wait another day. Besides, how many times have we been shopping? I think I know your size by now.”
“Oh Debs!” I whined.
“No! You’re not coming.”
“You witch!” I snarled.
“Aren’t I just? I’ll see you tonight about eight ok”
“Yeah I suppose.” I paused for a second. “You sure I still can’t come?”
“No Alex! Goodbye!”
The phone clicked, and I hung up the handset. Damn! My plan had failed.
“I guess I just need to wait” I said to myself while lighting a cigarette and settling down on the couch. Without my little princess to look after, I was like a lost sheep. For the rest of the afternoon, I was looking for things to do: I tidied cupboards that didn’t need it, I washed windows that were fine, and swept floors that were spotless just aching for something to do and time to pass. Gradually, it did. By early evening and dinner over, I left George watching TV as I went to pack my overnight bag. I packed a fresh skirt for in the morning, a white tie front blouse, and a pair of low kitten heels. I dropped in some toiletries and some makeup and I was ready to go.
Back downstairs, I shook George gently, who had just nodded off.
“Can you give me a quick run over to Deb’s?” I asked.
“Yeah sure. Let me get the keys and I’ll take you over.”
I stood in the kitchen waiting as George collected the Landrover keys. Soon we were on our way, me chatting away in the car. In what seemed like minutes we were pulling into the driveway in front of Debbie’s farm house. George braked and the Landrover came to a stop.
“You coming in?” I asked, looking at George.
“Ummm, no thanks. I think I’ll just go home and get an early night. I’ve a few thing’s to tie up tomorrow before the ball” he replied.
“Ok…” I was slightly disappointed again.
“Give Debs and Gavin my love. Tell Gavin I’ll meet him in the village tomorrow at ten. He’s helping me with the something”
“Ok I will” I said as I reached for the door handle and stopped. Turning around, I kissed George on his cheek.
His hand went to his cheek in surprise.
“What was that for?” he asked.
“Oh… just for being you. And for giving me the chance of tomorrow night.” I opened the door.
“You’re really that excited about tomorrow?”
“I am.” I admitted.
“Alex, you’ll be fine. You will have a great time. Now sleep well and I’ll see you tomorrow night. Oh! And Alex…” he continued as I turned.
“Yes?”
“Calm down!”
I pulled a face as he started up the engine and began to back away. I almost ran up the steps as the taillights of the Landrover faded away.
…………
Debbie woke me early the next morning.
“What time is it?” I asked.
“Just gone eight thirty,” she said. “You need to be up and showered. The hairdresser is due at ten.”
“Hairdresser? What hairdresser?”
“Yeah silly. No-one goes to a Ball without getting their hair and nails done. Now get dressed and I’ll meet you downstairs after your shower.”
Half an hour later as me and Debbie enjoyed a coffee and a cigarette, the hairstylist and her assistant arrived. Debbie went first as they attacked her hair with venom, restyling it in a bob cut and removing her acrylic extensions before refitting fresh longer nails.
Soon it was my turn. I sat patiently as the girl worked on my hair. Her assistant set about doing my nails as well.
Around lunchtime, we were both finished. As the girls packed up, we inspected the results in the hall mirror.
“What do you think?” Debbie asked, striking a pose in the mirror.
“You look different, but no less gorgeous.” I admitted. She blew a kiss in the mirror at me.
“What did she do to my hair?” I played with the cascade of thick luscious curls that fell onto my shoulders and curled onto the top of my back.
“She just fitted you with some new extensions. Don’t worry. They come out quite easy and you’ll never notice that you have them.”
I looked at my nails.
“And these are just positively talons…” I stared at the long sharp sculptured nails.“I’ll be lucky if I can pick anything up at all.” I worried as Debbie admired her new nail extensions as well.
“Well I’ll be pulling these down Gavin’s back early tomorrow morning.” she smirked.
“Too much information!” I retorted as the hairstylist and her assistant joined us in the hallway.
……………
The rest of the afternoon was pretty boring really as we sat around waiting for the Ball. I protested my hunger mid afternoon as my stomach thought my throat was cut.* Debbie insisted that we do not eat, promising that we were in for a feast at the Ball tonight. Around four, Gavin returned and the three of us sat around the table with a coffee, killing time.
Finally, Debbie announced that it was time to get ready and the two of us flew up the stairs to start our makeup. At last! I would get to see the dress that Debbie had ordered for me! Butterflies floated around my stomach as we stripped off and changed into our underwear. The first hint of what my dress was going to be like was Debbie’s insistence on wearing a strapless bra. So with a matching black strapless bra and cute black lacy panty, I sat down and began to work on my face. Debbie had taught me well, and soon a sexy smouldering look was appearing as I finished off my face with a deep burgundy lipstick.
I gleamed at the sight in front of me in the mirror, one that I had become familiar with over the last couple of months. The old Alex was gone. In front of me was a woman, beautiful and unrecognisable from the old male me that had appeared at the farm months ago. The transition had been not without its problems, but secretly behind it all, I really loved being this Alex and being a woman. The friendship I had with Debbie, the closeness with Melissa and my life with George were all new, but they were relationships I hoped that would go on forever.
“Hey dreamer!” Debbie called. My head snapped back to reality.
“Time to put you out of your misery and let you see this dress.”
I got up and followed her to the closet. She opened the door and pulled out a hanger a zipped with a protective cover covering what was underneath. She unzipped it in a provocative manner, humming a familiar stripper tune as she did so.
“Get on with it Debs!” I chastised.
Finally it was uncovered. A slight tear formed in my eye, not because I was disappointed, but because I was thrilled with her choice.
“Oh Debbie! It’s fabulous!”
“Told you so! Now let’s get it on.” she laughed as she took the hanger out from the straps.
The dress was full length; black layered lace with a split running high up the front, the bodice was a shiny silver with thin solid silver metallic spaghetti straps. I stepped into it, luxuriating in its feel. It literally hugged my body as I pulled it upon myself. I slipped my arms through the straps just as a slight chill from the metal clasps zinged me with, running goosebumps all over my body. Debbie, behind me, began to zip it up. I felt the fabric contract and compress my body. Fully zipped up, the back fell to just below my shoulder blades. I stepped back to witness Debbie’s creation — me.
“You like it?” she asked.
“I love it!” I turned and surprised Debbie by hugging her tightly.
After a few moments, I released her with tears in my eyes. She returned the embrace.
“Eh, enough with the waterworks girl. There are shoes in there as well and a pair of evening gloves. Put them on while I get dressed.”
The shoe box contained a pair of killer heels about five inches high, black with silver metal heel. I slipped them on and walked around getting used to their feel before pulling on the tight black evening gloves which moulded to my arms. Soon Debbie was ready and dressed in her own stunning gold shiny dress which was as tight as it could be. Debbie picked out some jewelry for herself and loaned me some for the night as well. Tossing me a black leather clutch purse, we filled our purses with the necessities for the night. With a black fur short jacket for me, also provided by Debbie, we headed off downstairs to find Gavin.
We both walked into the lounge where Gavin was seated, dressed in a Tuxedo.“Well look at this…” he wolf whistled in our direction.
“Hey Debbie? You want to stay home tonight and do some knitting? I’ll take Alex to the Ball.”
I blushed.
“Shut it buster, otherwise you won’t get lucky tonight.” Debbie growled as she bent down and planted a light kiss on his mouth.
“A drink before we go?” asked Debbie.
“Ok ladies, what will it be?” Gavin asked.
“Eh glass of white wine will do me.” I replied.
“Same here, let’s have a seat.” Debbie joined me.
Gavin scuttled off to pour our drinks. Debbie opened her bag and took out her cigarettes, offering me one. I took it and we both lit up.
“You looking forward to tonight?” Debbie questioned me.
“Yeah… I am.” I said blowing a cloud of smoke high towards the ceiling. I let certain fantasies of George and how the evening might go cross my mind as I stared into the cloud of smoke.
“It should be an interesting night.” Debbie finished. What she didn’t know at that point though, was just how interesting it would get!
"I’m sorry George." I said. It was the only response I could think of.
"What have you got to be sorry about? You got what you wanted!" Anger appeared in his tone of voice.
"I never meant for anything like what happened tonight to happen. You’ve got believe me!"
"Well it did didn’t it?" He picked up the whisky glass and hurled it across the room. It smashed into varying sized pieces onto the floor against the wall opposite me.
"George…" I nervously tried to say something. Fear was gripping me as I realized he might turn his violence onto me.
"There’s Archie over there," Debbie gestured over towards an older man by the cloakroom. She waved him over towards us.
"Hi Gavin, Debbie… this must be Alex!" he smiled, offerring me his hand. I hesitated for a moment and then took it. Without warning, he turned turned my hand over and brought it up to his mouth where his lips gently brushed the back of my hand. Goosebumps popped up all along my arm as a small shiver went down my neck.
"Eh, p-pleased to meet you," I managed to stammer out. I couldn’t believe I was blushing as he released his grip on my hand.
"Thanks very much for the ticket!" I politely commented.
He smiled a toothy grin. "Not a problem my dear… it would just have just gone to waste otherwise. As it is now, It has gone to something… er someone, more beautiful."
"How is your wife, Archie?" Debbie asked.
"Coming along very well dear. She should be out in a couple of weeks. We’ll need to take it easy once she is out, but otherwise she will be fine."
"That’s good!" Debbie said.
"So, should we go and get seated?" Gavin asked Debbie.
"Yeah let’s. Me and Alex will check in our coats and join you there."
"Here take this dear." Archie said as he handed me a ticket.
"Thank you." I replied.
"Ok Archie, let’s get you a drink." Gavin started as the two of them headed into the ballroom.
Me and Debbie checked in our coats and then went into the ladies room.
"What time is George and the witch getting here?" Debbie hushedly asked.
"Eh, around eight I imagine."
"Well, just ignore her for the night and enjoy yourself. Maybe you’ll get lucky?" A grin spread spread across her face.
"Yeah right! ~ as If I would want to!" I rolled my eyes briefly to get her laughing. "Now let’s go get a drink."
We joined Gavin and Archie at our table, glasses of wine already on hand at each setting. I quickly scanned the hall. Looking about, I recognised a few faces from the village, but by and large most were strangers to me. The band played light background music, entertaining the guests.
"What are we waiting on?" I asked Debbie.
"Oh, the organiser. He has to make a speech first." she replied.
"George is going to make a speech?"
"Yeah, it’s tradition." Debbie said "Oh look there he is." Debbie pointed as a ripple of applause began to sound from around the room as he climbed towards the small podium.
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the twentieth Irvine & District Farmers Ball…."
He went on thanking several people for their help and assistance: the caterers for their work, the band and local business’s who had sponsored a prize raffle after dinner, etc.
"……So ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your attention and I do hope that you all have a fabulous evening." He stepped away from the mic and headed towards his table amid the applause. I could see Amanda. She had arisen, dressed in a leopard skin print dress which looked a bit too tight on her, and leaned in to kiss George as came over. They kissed briefly and then sat down.
"Mutton dressed as lamb!" Debbie swore under her breath as waiters and waitress’s appeared, taking orders for everyone’s meals.
The meal was a sumptuous affair: fresh Scottish Salmon or Beef, wonderfully cooked, with appetising starters and sweets should you want one. Debbie had been right about not eating that day. It had been a bonus and, with full stomachs, we sat back having our coffee as tables were being cleared. The raffle then commenced. George, with Amanda by his side, drew tickets for the prizes. As Debbie had said, she did look a touch tarty in the short dress and high heels, but then, "so what?" I thought. I watched the draw come to a close.
With all the formalities over, the serious side of the night got under way as the band kicked up the tempo and the dancing began. I wasn’t short of partners either as Archie and Gavin saw to it that I was up to dance on several occasions, combined with a couple of other dances from men from our adjacent table. My feet were beginning to ache with the strain of the prolonged dancing. I mean, I had become adept at walking in heels, but dancing all night? That was a different thing altogether.
I looked up just as George approached our table.
"You enjoying yourselves?" he asked as he stopped beside Archie.
"That we are, son" Archie replied, a little worse for wear. "You’ve done us proud!" he boasted as he lifted his glass to take another drink.
George looked at me and smiled.
"You ok Alex?"
"Yeah fine. My feet hurt a bit from all the dancing, but I’ve enjoyed the night so far."
"George, isn’t about time you took your cousin up for a spin?" Debbie added.
"Eh I don’t know. Amanda’s over there," he nervously replied.
"Oh for god’s sake George! It’s just a dance! I mean she’s only been looking after your child for months now!"
He flushed a bit with embarrassment. "Well… I suppose… if she wants to."
I glanced over at Debbie and she gestured towards the floor with her eyes.
"Well ,I suppose one more won’t hurt." I quietly acceeded, getting up and extending my hand to George. He took it and led me out onto the floor as the band started playing "I’ve Had the Time of My Life" from Dirty Dancing.
We moved into the centre of the floor as other dancers joined us. We began to move to the rhythm of the music, George’s arm around my waist. I was close to him and could smell the aftershave he had on and feel the heat from his arms and body as we swayed around to the music.
"That was a good speech you gave." I complimented him as we danced.
"Thanks. That took me ages to write it. You know how good I am with words" he grinned at me.
"Yeah I must say, it surprised me that you were doing it." I giggled. We continued to weave our way around the floor. An instance occurred where his legs had parted and mine accidentally slid between his on a turn. "What’s that?" I thought, as I met his thigh, "was it?… was it…" A slight blush appeared on my face and then his. George had had an erection. My blush deepened as the music began to die. We looked into each other’s eyes and became lost for what seemed like hours. Only then, we noticed the music had stopped and we both broke our embrace. I looked up.
"George… um… thanks for the chance to do all of this."
"No Alex. It’s I who should be thanking YOU for all the help that you have been with Melissa. I mean that."
I leaned forward and kissed his left cheek. A slight smudge of lipstick appeared on his cheek where I had just kissed him as I moved back.
"Thanks for that dance George. I loved it." I lowered my eyes as I turned and made my way back towards our table.
"Debbie I need a cigarette. Now. Come with me? Please?" I begged as I picked up my handbag and she got up to head with me towards the door.
Outside I opened up my bag and took out my cigarettes. I opened the packet and took two out, handing one to Debbie. I pulled out my lighter and we both lit up. We inhaled the menthol fumes before letting the blue white smoke sail into the night as we exhaled.
We had been out there in the smoking shelter for less than a minute when Amanda stormed over towards us with a stern look on her face.
"What the HELL was that all about?" she demanded as she got up right in my face.
"Sorry? You’ve lost me?" I innocently replied.
"That KISS! You little SLUT!"
"Amanda , that kiss was nothing. Just a friendly peck on the cheek."
"Yeah right! You’ve been angling to get into George’s bed ever since you got here."
"Look Amanda, I don’t want to fight with you! I know we don’t see eye to eye over Melissa, but I’m not out to break you two up!"
"Keep Melissa out of it!" she yelled.
"Amanda, how can we? She’s George’s daughter for Crissakes! She’s the most important thing in his life!"
"That’s where you’re wrong dear… I am." she sneered.
"Well you might think that, but I know different."
That last comment seemed to rile her even more than the kiss had. I took a long drag form the cigarette and exhaled. I could see the hatred blazing in her eyes.
"Once me and George are married and Melissa is at the Boarding School, thing’s will be different. You’ll be gone and it will be just me and him."
"I think you might be making a mistake there with that assumption Amanda." I said.
"Mistake, mistake. What the hell are you talking about you slut? He’s mine! End of subject. The boarding school will be the making a fine lady of Melissa. She’ll come back all proper and prim. Something that you couldn’t ever much less be."
"Oh is that right? And shouting and bawling in the street obviously makes you a lady? Hardy har har!" I could see Debbie sniggering a bit out of the corner of my eye as she took a drag from her cigarette and crushed it out in the ashtray.
"Oh and another thing?" I continued. "What makes you so sure that George will send Melissa to the boarding school?"
"He will! We’ve talked about it. He would do anything for me!" she angrily leered.
"Oh is that right Amanda?" George’s voice emerged from behind her and the shelter. I could see Debbie starting to laugh as her hands went to her face to cover it. "I don’t recall "talking about it" or "agreeing to anything." he went on.
"Nuts. George honey, it will be good for her. It was the making of me and it will give us some time together to be on our own."
"In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a father. We come as a package: me and my daughter together. You’re not Melissa’s mother. I make the calls."
"Yeah, but what about us? We need time together, just the two of us. Not with a little brat around all the time."
She stopped, her hands going to her mouth, realising what she had just said. George looked at her angrily. If looks could kill, she would have died right there that very minute. He struggled with his hand clenching and unclenching it and then I saw him remove the ring Amanda had bought him and threw it out in the parking lot with a familiar ting sound of metal striking concrete as it bounced several times.
Silence. The air was so thick with tension you could slice it.
"Oh George! I didn’t mean it!" she began crying as he turned and walked away from her.
"George come back! We need to talk!"
"It’s over Amanda! Finished!"
He rounded the corner towards the taxi stance.
I never saw it coming, but I felt it. Amanda must have turned and, before I knew what was happening, my cheek and that side of my head exploded in pain! A ringing started in my ears as a loud crack resounded. Amanda’s open palm connected with my cheek.
"You fucking whore! You set this up, didn’t you? Didn’t YOU!" she screamed.
As my hand went to the side of my face "I- I didn’t." was all I could say before her other hand connected with the other side of my face. She turned and stormed off after George. As I stood there, all I could hear was Debbie saying "Bye Amanda" through the ringing in my ear. Both Debbie and me looked at each other.
"You ok?" Debbie asked as she gripped my arm.
"Eh yeah. I’ll be fine." I answered. A slight tear rolled down my cheek. "I need a cigarette though."
Debbie opened her bag and handed one to me. She offered me a light and I took it. I could feel the heat in my jaws where Amanda had struck me. I pulled on the cigarette.
"That’s gonna bruise." Debbie winced as she pulled my hair back a bit to examine the red blotch that was there.
"I really never knew he was there!" I protested, a slight sob in my voice.
"I know dear. I know." Debbie pulled me to her and hugged me. We sat on the small ledge in the shelter for a minute or so while I smoked my cigarette. As I crushed it out, Debbie spoke up. "Let’s get you back inside and touch up your makeup and get a drink to calm our nerves." She took my hand and led me back inside the hall.
In the Ladies Room, we both touched up our makeup. My ears were still ringing and the skin on my cheek felt hot and stung. Debbie gently moved my chin from side to side.
"There’s quite a red mark there," Debbie noted as she showed me in the mirror where you could clearly see where the second impact had been.
"Maybe I should just go home. I mean, I don’t want to cause you any embarrassment." I moaned.
"It’s up to you babes. It’s your night. If you go home, Amanda might be there and it will start all over again," she shrugged her shoulders.
"I need to face her some time. That, and well, and George."
"I suppose. As I said, it’s up to you."
Five minutes later, after saying my goodbyes to both Archie and Gavin, I was in a taxi and heading for home. What Debbie had said was right. Amanda might be there, but I needed to face her sometime. Maybe I could put things right between her and George? I didn’t want to, but I couldn’t help but feel that a lot of this was my fault. My stomach tightened as the taxi pulled into the driveway and rolled on up the gravel road towards the Farmhouse. I could see a light in the conservatory and the kitchen as we approached. Somebody was home. But who?
The cab pulled away and the evening chill settled on me. I shivered and pulled the jacket tighter around me as I walked towards the porch. I tried the door and to my surprise, it was open. Pushing it away from me I stepped inside. George was sitting at the kitchen table, a bottle of whiskey in front of him and one empty glass.
"Amanda here?" I timidly asked as I shut the door quietly.
"She was!" he exasperatingly replied, looking down at the table.
"I’m sorry George." I said. It was the only response I could think of.
"What have you got to be sorry about? You got what you wanted!" Anger appeared in his tone of voice.
"I never meant for anything like what happened tonight to happen. You’ve got believe me!"
"Well it did didn’t it?" He picked up the whisky glass and hurled it across the room. It smashed into varying sized pieces onto the floor against the wall opposite me.
"George…" I nervously tried to say something. Fear was gripping me as I realized he might turn his violence onto me.
"What?! Those are my drinking glasses!"
"I know you are upset, I…."
"Upset?Upset is it? I feel like a bloomin’ idiot!"
Determined to calm my nerves, I went towards the drink cabinet and took out a bottle of vodka and poured myself one, tipping with some coke. I took a swig. Opening my bag I took out my cigarettes and lit one up. Placing the lit cigarette safely in the ashtray, I walked to the sink, crouching I opened the door underneath and took out a small brush and dustpan. I crossed the room to where the glass had struck the wall and began to sweep up the shattered container. I must have looked a bit ridiculous in a stunning evening gown, with long evening gloves and high heels as I swept up the broken glass. Confident I had gotten it all, I deposited the fragments into the waste bin.
Back at my drink, I took a swig, swallowing it all before taking a drag from my cigarette. I was considering whether I should say anything or not. The silence that was between us for some minutes was broken by George’s voice.
"So are you not going to say I told you so?" George looked at me, seeking an answer.
"No. I’m not taking any pleasure out of this George. But I won’t lie and say that I think it’s in Melissa’s best interest." I expected him to launch a volley back and steeled myself for the worst.
"Yeah. Well you might be right there. Can I have another glass please?" Even in his slightly drunk state, his manners stayed with him this time.
"Only if you promise not to throw it?"
"Deal."
I picked up another glass, my ashtray, and my own drink before carrying them all over to the table beside George. I placed his glass on the table in front of him and then sat down.
"You know… the pain will pass." I softly spoke. I had to make an opening and allow him to vent some of the pain out of him if it was possible to do so. He grunted a bit as he poured some of the amber liquid into the glass before taking a swig.
"I’m still going to be here George. For you. For Melissa." I Stretched out my black nylon gloved hand and covered his free hand, squeezing gently.
He looked down at the glass then my hand, "Yeah, well I suppose Melissa will still have you around and she’ll love that. But Alex… at some point… you need to go back to your own life! Where does that leave us then? I’ll be back on my own with Melissa."
I picked up my cigarette took a drag on it and exhaled the smoke high above me. "It doesn’t have to be like that," I offered.
"Oh is that right? How come?"
"Well… I could stay."
"Don’t be ridiculous Alex!" He slid his chair back and stood up. He walked over to the window and began to stare up into the night sky.
"No really! I could" I repeated. I got up and walked towards him. I leaned into him along his back resting my head on his shoulder.
He turned his head looking at me. "What like this?" he said pointed at my arm which draped on top of his.
"Yeah." I breathed. "Why not?"
"Because what would your Mum say? Your Dad even? What about your job?" George listed as his voice was calming. I knew that I was having an effect on him as I could feel his muscles relaxing some.
I slid over to the worktop counter beside him and leaned half sitting on it facing George. "I already have a job." I stated.
George studied my face for a moment. "You do? What job?"
"Looking after you and Melissa." I paused to let my words sink into him. "You know George…Melissa means the world to me. I love her like she was my own. T-t-to me, an-and I…" I stopped. My voice was cracking squeakily and I felt water dribbling down my cheeks.
"You what?" George curiously prodded.
I felt my mouth quivering and knew this was the moment of truth. I braced myself and started to move my mouth.
"I- I love you. I-I-I l-love you to!"
Time froze.
A strange look of puzzlement took over his face.
"You what?" he softly asked again.
I lowered my head and cried.
"I love you."
He stepped up in front of my and using his right hand, gently lifted my head up under my chin to look at me.
I unclenched my eyes and straightened myself trying to regain some of my composure. I looked right into his eyes and was determined to say it.
"George what do you see when you look at me?" I asked.
"What do you mean?" George was really lost on this. I could see the confusion in his eyes.
"Well? Do you see the Alex who came here or do you see the Alex that’s here now? A woman, if not totally yet in body, she is one in mind and spirit! The one who loves your daughter? The one would do anything for her? The one…" I stepped forward just an inch or two and was right in front of him looking into his eyes as my lips were near level to his chin, "…that loves her father and… the one that wants us to be a family."
"This is crazy you know? It would never work." he slowly tried to formulate the situation, seriously considering it.
"It’s worked so far hasn’t it? You do find me attractive as Alex don’t you?" I slowly took his hands and placed them on both of my sides. "What I mean is…I’ve felt your reaction that night at Aunt Karen’s…and tonight when we danced." I moved a bit closer I could feel his breath on my face, my heart was beating faster than I had ever known it to.
"I -I don’t know."
"You don’t know what?" I breathed again. "Whether it would work… or whether you are attracted to me… or not?" My hands moved around behind him and I slowly pulled up close to him, our bodies touching.
"Don’t you feel it George? We are a family. We are good together. Together we can give Melissa everything she wants, all the love she needs." My head was slightly dizzy from my feelings for George and I felt the soft warmth of his lips on mine. I closed my eyes to savor it. George did not pull back. I opened my eyes and looked up again at him.
"But, but what would everyone say?" he stammered.
"I don’t really care. I know what I want. I want you and Melissa and I want us to all be together as a family."
Our lips connected again. This time, I felt George lean into it some. Yielding to an animalistic need, my body had pushed flush beside his as I could feel the start of an erection in his groin. I glanced down, just a bit, but enough to let him know that I had noticed. He pulled back softly again.
"But it’s not right. It’s…"
I pulled him to me again. My lips lingered with this kiss a bit, seeking a reaction from George. At first he resisted, letting our lips dance a bit with touching and pushing. Finally, he let his lips part slightly, and my tongue darted in. An intense familial emotion of love had gripped me! I felt his passion stir and yielded to it. His hardness grew more as my hands began to massage his buttocks. George reciprocated as his hands found mine. He gently squeezed and fondled them as I pressed myself into him. The passion felt like it had lasted forever, till it finally broke with George stepping back a bit. Taking his strong hand, he enclosed both of my dainty gloved hands.
"Let’s go upstairs dear… before I change my mind." George huskily offered. Smiling and flush with desire I readily nodded.
He led me across the kitchen. A smile crept over my face as I flicked the light switch at the bottom of the stairs plunging the kitchen into darkness. I squealed as I found myself being lifted up into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his neck as I felt the motion of him carrying me upstairs.
Alex’s Diary:
I’m sure there are a lot of you who have been reading this tale who are eagerly waiting to know what happened that night? Well the answer is - not very much. Sure we exchanged a few kisses and fell asleep in each other’s arms… but there was no real intimacy.
That was eight years ago. Yes, we are still together. It took awhile for the intimacy of our relationship to develop. It took around six months indeed, then one night we both got drunk. It was Debbie’s suggestion really. Get him a bit tipsy wear something ultra sexy and how could he resist? Well it worked! How can I describe it? That first time that I felt his hardness in my mouth, the heat of his member as my lips slipped up and down the shaft… words seem to fail me here. The exhilarating feeling I felt as his lust overtook him and his cock exploded in my mouth. The feeling of being his as he entered me later, gently, and then more swiftly increasing the intensity of the thrusts as I asked for more and more until he reached yet another boiling point - before that warm feeling of his discharge inside me. I can only describe it as the moment that all seemed worthwhile, that life finally seemed worth living and I was for the first time alive! The moment when the decisions I had made and the path I had took was confirmed as where I wanted to be and where I wanted to stay. I was George’s and he was mine, and hopefully it would be that way forever.
I never asked George if that night had had the same effect on him as it did me. That was the night that I was finally accepted. To be honest, I did not care. I know he wanted me and was happy with me and that as a family we functioned, albeit as a rather unusual one. We fit together! Soon after that night, I resolved to go at least some way towards changing my gender. Appointments were made and advice taken and soon I was on hormones to change the shape of my body and grow my own breasts. My body accepted the changes well and I know have an impressive cleavage of my own. The final decision to remove me of my last bastion of masculinity has still to be made, but is clear enough in my mind, even if our relationship fell apart tomorrow, which it won’t, I would still not go back to being the rather geeky male Alex who came to act as a babysitter here all those years ago.
The waves that our relationship caused were felt the length and breadth of my family. As I suspected, Dad took news of my new identity the worst. I am still not sure if it was the deception at the party or just his homophobic nature that led him to cut me off, but that he did. From that first day when we came clean about our plans, we have not spoken. George wanted to go around and clear the air or have it out with him, but I begged him not to. We hoped that if he could see the stableness of our relationship and the loving upbringing that Melissa was receiving, he would change his mind. But as of yet, there is no sign of that happening. We resolved that should he alter his position, then there would always be a place for him at our table.
Mum and Ashley were somewhat different. Although they found it difficult to accept at first, they are now firmly on board. Indeed, soon after our relationship became common knowledge, Mum admitted to me that she had had an instinct that she would never see her son back as he was when he left home. I think they can see the value of the family unit we have built and the love and happiness that surrounds us. What was a pretty sad and unhappy farm that I had first come to had grown to be a happy family. Mum and sis’s support has kept me strong and they have acted as a buffer between me and Dad. I’m making sure that Dad still sees Melissa from time to time and that he is not deprived of seeing her grow up into the wonderful young lady she is today.
Melissa was never a problem, despite those first couple of days when I was Alex (male), as I refer to him, she has never seen me as anything else other than Alex, the woman. The woman who was there for her, the woman who took her to school on her first day, the woman who wiped away her tears when she had a fall, the woman who she can come to when she is troubled and wants help. She has developed into a confident fun loving girl whom any parent would be proud of to have as their own daughter. I know we are.
I am not the emotional type, but she has reduced me to tears at least twice, once when she was playing with friends when she was about six and in typical childlike fashion her friend took one of her toys and would not give it back. I was busy clearing away lunch dishes as they played on the porch watching over them. As any child would do she called out "Mum, Ashley won’t give me my doll back." The word stopped me in my tracks, yes she said Mum I though as two plates dropped from my hand and smashed to several pieces on the floor, tears flowed from my eye’s as I picked up a towel and wiped my eye’s before going out to see what all the fuss was about.
The other was when she fell ill due to a bout of appendicitis. The emotion surrounding a child you love dearly being ill reduced me to a blubbering wreck. Sure, she was going to be fine and make a full recovery, but those first few days when she was at her worst were enough to have me in a state of permanent upset.
I never did take up my teaching post, but will be starting work as a Classroom Assistant when the New Term starts in the autumn. I was surprised at how easy it was to get back into employment. I had imagined that my transgender status would hinder me, but in these days of equality and diversity, I guess I ticked many of the boxes that the Local Authority had to satisfy to prove its commitment to diversity.
The post is perfect as it is at the school that Melissa will move to in just over a year’s time. So with me being able to drive her to school on a daily basis and the fact that our holiday’s will almost match then our bond will be as strong as ever and I will be able to watch over her as I have done for all these years.
George has changed entirely. Gone are the drinking spells that so blighted his and Melissa’s life when I had first arrived. The change in his mood is also noticeable and that anger and depression that he had shown from time to time has now gone. It is replaced by an attentive father and partner who likes nothing better than to have days out with his family and quiet nights in front of the TV with the odd visit from friends thrown in.
Speaking of friends, I almost forgot to mention - Debbie is pregnant at long last!!! I think it has been a shock to her system to know that she will be a mother in less than six months. It has however, rekindled her interest in shopping, as she attempts to buy up as much clothes and toys as possible for her imminent reminder. I like to think that it was partly down to the stability that she saw in me and George that finally made her take the plunge, but then who knows? At least it has put an end to her swinging days.
Oh, and lastly, whatever did happen to Amanda? Well she moved away from the village shortly after that night. She still has no idea what my true sex was and I would imagine she would have flipped even more than she did if she had really known about me. She did however, finally get herself a man as Debbie saw her in Ayr one day complete with wedding ring on her finger. Good luck to her. I never liked her, but I never wished her no ill will. She is a career woman with no time for a family and was not right for George or Melissa. Those two needed a stable family unit and in me they found that!
I really don’t think there is much need for me to continue writing this diary, as my tale is over. Maybe I’ll add to it if something momentous happens, or if the tale ever happens to turn sour. What started as a job helping out the family turned into something so much more precious. I wouldn’t change it for anything! It’s been a long hard road, but every minute has been worth it. My family… that’s a great feeling to hear that! My family, I wouldn’t change a thing in the world. I love it just the way it is!
Karin R xxxxxxx