I woke on Sunday morning wondering where I was. The mattress on the floor of Evan’s room was comfortable enough but I was aware of another person in the room breathing. I was used to a bedroom of my own and with only me and dad at home this felt odd. At least dad hadn’t sneaked off with Evan again leaving me with his girlfriend.

I liked Gina. She was lovely to me; very warm and friendly, even if her son was one of the tough guys I avoided at school; all soccer and big headed cool guys. I spent a lot of time with my own gang. We spent most of our time working on dance routines and having fun. They were girls but they were friendly and we never fell out.

So it was strange to be sharing a room with Evan, the sort of boy I avoided. Not that he noticed me! His mum was the reason we were here. She and my dad were an item and she was the best thing to happen to my dad for the two years since my mum left. He was laughing and joking and smiling more. She was really good for him and I was desperate to make sure they stayed together.

Shame she had a bonehead for a son!
 
 
These thoughts were going through my head when Gina breezed in. “Morning everyone,” she sang. Evan turned over groaning with his pillow hiding his head.

“Ignore the grump,” she said to me. “Time to get up Danny.”

Now, I groaned. Why did she have to call me Danny? What was wrong with my proper name? Dad called me Daniel, all my friends did. They managed it.

Gina mistook my groan for an Evan style one.

“There’s a whole day ahead,” she said as she pulled my duvet away. “Oh, Danny, are you sure you are okay on the mattress?”

I didn’t want to annoy Evan any more than I did just by being in his room so I told her I was fine. She let me go for a wash in the bathroom. As I cleaned my teeth, I wondered why I had been woken up and Evan got to stay in bed.
 
 
When I padded back to the bedroom, Gina was waiting for me sitting on the end of Evan’s bed. He didn’t stir. I hovered, hoping she would go and let me get dressed but she had other plans. She held out some underpants. I looked around, not sure where to go to get changed. Gina smiled as she saw I was shy and moved in on me.

“Come on, little Danny,” she said, lifting my pyjama top over my head. “We’ve got plans for today.” I could feel myself blush as she pulled down my pyjama trousers leaving me naked. My hands shot in front of me automatically.

Gina was trying hard not to let her amusement show but I was embarrassed anyway. She handed me the underpants and I pulled them up as quickly as I could which wasn’t very quick because I tried to do it one handed with my other hand trying to hide my boy bits.

Gina went to Evan’s wardrobe and brought out a pair of dungarees and a white long sleeved t- shirt.

I pulled on the t- shirt. She held the dungarees out in front of me for me to step into. It felt that I didn’t have any choice so I put one leg in and then the other and she pulled them up and sort of tucked me in which involved her hand travelling around and patting down my shirt. She lifted the bib and did up the straps. Several of my friends wore dungarees but this was my first time. I knew they were worn by boys but they tended to be much younger boys. Maybe, they were coming back into fashion with boys of Evan’s age. She definitely got them from his wardrobe. I knew I would have to look at the labels later.

Gina picked up a brush and started brushing my hair. This attention was a bit flattering, I didn’t hate it but I wasn’t used to it and I couldn’t help but think that Gina obviously thought I was much younger than her son.

“I’m nearly eleven,” I said to her, hoping she would understand what I was getting at. Gina smiled at that but carried on preening me. I looked at Evan lazing in bed and he smirked back. Gina was much too busy making sure every hair was in place to see what he was smirking about. When she finished, she threw the hair brush onto the bed.

“You could do with using a brush occasionally,” she said followed by “breakfast in ten minutes,” as she left the room.

I stood where she left me, feeling confused. Wasn’t she going to dress Evan? Why did she fuss over me but expect him to sort himself out? Evan obviously found the whole thing amusing. He threw the brush at me. “No chance!” he said.

I didn’t know what to do next. I felt a bit funny about my dad seeing me dressed like this.

Evan next threw his pyjama top at me. “I need to get dressed” he said. I looked at him. “Go on, get out” he continued. “I don’t want to get undressed in front of a girl!”

“Don’t call me a girl!” I said, stung. “I’m a boy!”

“You think?”

“Well, I’m wearing your clothes,” I tried.

“Yes, of course,” he said climbing out of the bed and pushing past me. “I always wear pretty things.” He did a ballerina twirl and blew a kiss at me, then left the room. I sat on the bed trying to work out what was going on. I tried to read some labels but I couldn’t twist around far enough and I wasn’t very good at dealing with dungarees. I was twisting around when Gina reappeared. This time she was holding a red cardigan.

“I forgot this,” she said pulling it onto one arm and then the other. “There.” She stepped back to admire her work, holding onto my arms as she did so.

“Is this Evan’s?” I decided to be direct.

“No,” she laughed. “He doesn’t wear lovely clothes, like you.”

“I don’t either really,” I tried. “I’ve never worn dungarees before.”

Gina smiled at me. “Well, you look fabulous!” I blushed and my stomach did its now familiar stretch.

“Come with me,” she said, taking me by the hand. She took me into her room and the full length mirror. “Look at you!” she said effusively. “Aren’t you a pretty thing!” I blushed but it did feel good to have such praise.

“But dad…” I started.

“Oh, you leave your dad to me,” she said and then she kissed me on the cheek and hugged me.

After she left, I felt my cheek where she had kissed me. It was such a nice feeling. I pulled the cardigan around me and hugged myself.
 
 
At breakfast, dad didn’t mention the way I was dressed. In any case, he was too busy talking soccer with Evan. I didn’t know that dad even liked football. He had never talked to me about it, thank goodness. I couldn’t help think that my dad was ignoring me so I tried to join in.

“I like Chelsea...” I began.

“Chelsea who?” Gina asked as she breezed by.

“That girl on the television?” dad asked?

I hesitated. I didn’t have any knowledge I could use and Evan was back in straight away talking about some player or team or tactic and that seemed to be enough for dad to give him back his full attention. Then, as Gina joined us at the table, the talk turned to the day ahead and I realised that dad and Evan were planning to go to see a match… without me!

“Can I come?” I asked.

They all looked at me as if I had said something shocking. Evan looked unhappy at the thought of spending any time at all with me. Dad just looked confused but Gina looked hurt. I waited.

“Well,” dad started. “If you like…” I didn’t like at all but the idea that dad was going off again without me wasn’t a nice one either.

“We’ll have fun,” Gina added. “I’ve got plans for us, too!” She looked a bit worried, like I would back out and the thought of watching stupid boys or men run around after a ball wasn’t thrilling.

“Okay,” I said and watched as smiles came to all three of them but for quite different reasons.
 
 
When we were alone, I leaned across to Evan and said, “You owe me!” I could tell I surprised him and, at first, he didn’t know what to say but then he shrugged and said “Have fun, little girl.” He got up to go.

“I’m a boy!” I shot back.

He came really close and, at first, I thought he was going to hit me. “Bet you’re not by the time we get back!” he whispered in my ear. He left the room smirking.

I sat still, taking in what he said. I wrapped the cardigan closer around me and hugged myself.
 
 
I was still sitting at the breakfast table when dad came in, coat on and football scarf around his neck, to say goodbye.

“Where did you get that scarf?” I asked.

“Evan leant it to me,” he replied. “He had two in his wardrobe.” He ruffled my hair and left.

“Must be quite a wardrobe,” I said to myself.

I decided to sulk. It was my best option. I don’t know if Gina noticed or not. If she did, she didn’t let it stop her breezing around the place. She went from room to room while I sat still brooding on being abandoned by my dad. Eventually she put her head round the door. Her smile was as wide as ever.

“Well, come on then!” she said. “These cakes won’t cook themselves!”

And that was the start of a morning of fun in the kitchen. To start with, I grunted answers to her questions or shrugged my shoulders to signal that I was in a sulk. She didn’t react but passed me ingredients, showered me with praise for the skill I showed at cooking and won me round with her endless enthusiasm and positivity. By the time the cakes were out of the oven I had forgotten my sulk, forgotten that dad had gone to a match with Evan and just enjoyed being around Gina.
 
 
It was a new and refreshing experience. Dad and I didn’t do much together, other than the weekly shop. His role was more one of checking that I was okay, whether in my solitary pursuits or over homework. He made sure I had clean clothes for school, enough pocket money to spend, and that I did not have anything bothering me. The idea that we should spend time side by side doing something fun was alien to both of us. Gina awoke in me a need to be a child with a parent ready and willing to give me their time. I know that my dad was concerned about me, especially since mum left, but he didn’t always notice me. Gina did.

I thought the cakes were for dad and Evan but Gina had other plans. She had invited some friends over. Girls, they were actually daughters of friends of hers. As she explained, Evan didn’t know many girls. My stomach stretched and Evan’s words came back to me.

“They’re coming over to play,” she explained.

“But I don’t know them,” I said, trying not to sound too cross.

“That’s why they are coming,” Gina said, laughing. “So you can get to know them. They like doing the same things as you.”

“What things?” I asked, immediately alert.

“Making up dances, things like that.”

I waited, watching Gina. It was true. That is what I did with friends at school but who had told her?

“I do other things,” I said, lamely.

“Good…” said Gina, the smile never leaving her face. “…so do they.”
 
 
Jasmine and Freya turned out to be good fun. I hadn’t met them before, they didn’t go to the same school as me and Evan. I thought this was probably a good thing. The way I was dressed, it was best if I kept the two parts of my world away from each other, or I would have some explaining to do at school. In any case, I was back to sulking. I decided that I would not be rude or anything, dad would be mad at me, but I wouldn’t be keen and ready to do whatever they wanted to do. Gina and Freya both wore ‘Keep Calm and Boogie On’ tops. I very nearly burst out with “I’ve got one of those!” but stopped myself. I noticed, too, that they were well co-ordinated. Freya’s emerald green top matched her converse and Jasmine had yellow converse to go with her yellow top. As both girls had very short denim shorts on, it seemed they had discussed clothes before arriving.

Straight away both girls suggested dancing to the music they brought along. Normally, this would have suited me but I had decided I needed to go back to sulking to make a point. I wasn’t going to be rude or anything, dad would be mad at me, but I wouldn’t be keen and ready to do whatever they wanted to do.

“You go ahead, I’ll sit here,” I told them. I picked up a magazine to hide behind then realised it was Gina’s hairstyle monthly. I put it down again and stared out of the window. The girls carried on anyway. Jasmine was the better dancer, I could see that immediately. She didn’t have many good ideas for dance moves, though, and was soon struggling. Freya didn’t have any idea; no rhythm, no sense of movement, it was painful to watch.
 
 
I sat it out for as long as possible. Gina came in with cakes and drinks but didn’t say anything. I tried to look disinterested but what with Freya’s lack of rhythm and Jasmine’s limited choreography I was finding it hard. Before too long, I was up showing Jasmine a few moves she hadn’t considered.

“Oh, wow Danny!” she exclaimed. “Where did you learn that?”

I was about to say it was natural but thought that was a little big headed so I said “at school” instead.

Jasmine and Freya tried out the moves and, to help Freya really, I joined in, showing her how to do it. When she followed me she could just about get the rhythm. I found myself moving to the beat with encouraging glances to Freya and, after one run through, we all cheered when it all went well. We giggled and fell about. Then I noticed Gina in the doorway.

“That was brilliant guys,” she said. “I should film it.”

I wasn’t sure about that but the girls were keen. Jasmine looked at me and said, “What a shame we aren’t dressed alike. I’ve got a spare top like this I could lend you. Shall I go home and get it? I’ll be five minutes.”

Gina looked at me and I reluctantly said, “No problem! I’ve got one, too. Gina bought it for me yesterday.” Gina beamed.

“I put it in Evan’s wardrobe,” she said. “And don’t forget your red converse. Danny chose converse and top to match” she explained to the girls as I headed for the stairs. She told them all about our shopping trip yesterday. She made it sound like I was a clothes fanatic.

I opened Evan’s wardrobe and was hit straight away with a clear message that Evan was a boys’ boy. All his clothes shouted masculine at me. There was a lot of stuff with football motifs on and the rest seemed to be camouflage. The colours were so dull. But, there on a shelf on the left hand side, was the red top Gina had bought me yesterday. It was the brightest thing there. I lifted it out and noticed the denim shorts underneath. I knew they weren’t Evan’s and I knew they would match the ones Jasmine and Freya had.

I picked them up and waited for my stomach stretches to calm down a bit. I unbuckled my dungaree straps and changed tops. I pulled up the straps to hook myself back in when I realised the words disappeared behind the bib-front. That, and the fact that the music had started again downstairs decided me and I stepped out of the dungarees and pulled up the shorts as quickly as I could.

They were so short!

It was like wearing boxer shorts except that they were much tighter.

I slipped on the red converse and raced back downstairs where the girls were well into the rehearsal and Gina had the camera ready. I slipped straight into the routine and immediately we were laughing and joking. Our arms were going up in the air, around our heads and sweeping in front of us. We jumped, skipped and sashayed around. Gina recorded it all.

It was such fun!

When we had drunk some more and eaten more cakes, which Freya and Jasmine complimented me on by the way, we watched the recording of our dances. We giggled when we saw ourselves and made fun of each other and the way we moved although both girls told me quite seriously that I was the better dancer.

I was sorry to see them go and surprised that a whole afternoon had passed by. Dad and Evan returned soon after full of talk about the soccer. They went on and on. I was quite pleased when Gina shut them up and said we, too, had had fun. She produced the cakes we made. Dad was complimentary but Evan didn’t say a thing even though he stuffed his face. Then, we watched the recordings and Gina and dad said our dancing was great. Dad seemed genuinely surprised by how good a dancer I was. Gina was full of compliments.

“Look how graceful you are,” she said pointing out my arm movements. “Freya and Jasmine could learn a lot from you.”

I laughed all over again watching our dancing, especially as I could hear the shrieks we kept making in-between the moves. Then, the words from Evan came back to me and the smile died on my face. I glanced over at him and he raised his eyebrows, ‘told you’ he seemed to say.

I looked again with different eyes. We looked like three girls dancing along. We looked alike, dancing there. Freya had longer hair but Jasmine and I had similar lengths and, what with the bouncing up and down our styles looked so similar. It dawned on me that we had been dancing to songs with titles such as ‘Sisters’ and ‘You Go, Girl’. I hadn’t thought about the words when we were dancing. I had just danced.

Now, I wondered how I had let myself get sucked in to wearing girls’ shorts and a top from a girls’ clothes shop. I felt self- conscious and tried to hide my long legs by pulling them up under me as I sat but that gesture, too, made me look girly.

When dinner was served, I was once again in dungarees and the red cardigan. I chose them as the better option even though I had checked before putting them back on that, yes they had come from the ‘Miss Second Glance’ store. Worse, when I stepped out of the shorts in the privacy of the bedroom I noticed for the first time that the pastel yellow underpants were not for boys at all. In the fuss to hide my embarrassment that morning, I had missed that fact completely.

Evan was right.

Nothing I wore was for a boy. Nothing I had worn all day was for a boy!
 
 
It was only back home with dad, with school every day, that I thought back on the weekend and decided I must have been mistaken about the girl clothes. Maybe I had built it up in my mind to be something it wasn’t. Maybe Gina had borrowed clothes for me so that I wouldn’t feel so awkward and out of place when the girls came round. These thoughts went around my head all week, walking to school, walking home, drifting into daydreams when I was watching television with dad. The further we got from the weekend, the more I convinced myself that I must have been mistaken about the clothes.

In any case, Emily didn’t say anything and she had seen me in town on Saturday. Perhaps they were boy clothes after all. To help me think, I played with the necklace I wore all the time now. It helped. Jewellery was banned from school, so I kept it hidden. At home, I would let it play through my mouth when I was trying to figure things out.

I still had nagging doubts, though. For starters I had a pair of girls’ knickers in my bedroom, stuffed under my mattress. I was so embarrassed about everything when we got home that Sunday night that I did not dare put them in the laundry. What would dad say? I had changed into my jeans and hoody before leaving Gina’s, ‘so that she I can do the laundry ready for next week’, she said. I forgot about the knickers or rather did not want to be naked in their house again so it was only when we got home that I had the problem about what to do with them.

Dad did not mention one word about the way I was dressed for most of the weekend. That just added to my confusion but also made me wonder if I had got it wrong. On the journey home all he talked about was the fun he and Evan had had. At one point he turned to me and asked,

“You don’t mind me spending time with him, do you?” I was going to point out that I was his son and not Evan but that would sound sulky and anyway he didn’t wait for an answer but told me, instead, that it was good for me to get to know Gina better.

That night, getting undressed, I stuffed the knickers under my mattress and collapsed on my bed. Best to forget it ever happened, I thought.
 
 
The next weekend was already planned. Once again, we would spend the whole time with Gina and Evan at their house. I really liked Gina and could tolerate her son but I still felt strange about things. I was determined that I wouldn’t be abandoned by dad again.

“We will spend time together won’t we?” I asked.

He smiled. “Of course we will! But…” I waited for the rest. “This weekend is a busy one for me and I have a big project on.”

I sighed. He looked across and continued. “So, I’m so grateful that Gina has got lots planned for you and…” He made a trumpet noise. “…I get to come home to you all with meals cooked. Just like a family.” He looked over again, a bit more concerned in case he had gone too far with that last bit.

“Doesn’t Evan spend any time with his dad?”

Dad looked at me again. “Evan’s dad died, years ago. I thought you knew.”

“Why would I know?” I asked him, feeling a bit bad for Evan.

“Well, I don’t know… you go to the same school. I just thought you knew.”

Now I would have to be nicer to him or I would feel rubbish. Dad telling me it happened years ago didn’t make much difference either. Nor the fact that Gina had had several boy friends since then. Then dad really hit home with, “but we are the first to stay over. Gina thinks this is serious… and so do I.” He left that hanging in the air.

Gina, Evan, Dad; I was trying to please everybody. Gina was lovely, her usual warm self. When she greeted us on Friday evening, I realised that I had missed her. Her hug was just what I needed after a long day at school. We had spoken over the ‘phone during the week but she and dad had agreed that it was best to keep visits to weekends so that our routines were kept the same. Anyway, once we were there, I was pleased, and I even tried a smile at Evan, who looked unimpressed.

I wondered if I would have to get changed out of my school uniform but nobody said anything. It was the first thing out of dad’s mouth every day after school, even on days when I was already out of uniform and in play clothes; almost as if he had to say it anyway. Gina didn’t, though and I half thought she would have something arranged for me. The fact that she hadn’t, made me wonder again if I had misread last week. Maybe, I had exaggerated everything.

Bedtime put paid to that! We were watching a comedy on the television when Gina announced that I needed to get ready for bed.

“What about Evan?” I shot back. Having no brothers or sisters I was amazed by how quickly I learned the rules of fairness and advantage.

“He’s a year older than you,” said dad without moving. Gina meanwhile was at the foot of the stairs and was gesturing for me to follow. She also had her ‘mother’s waiting’ look which worked every time with Evan. Had it been my dad, I would have made a fuss but I didn’t feel that I could with Gina. I followed her showing as much of a sulk as I dared.
 
 
Upstairs, Gina sent me into the bathroom. At least she didn’t try and wash me as well! When I returned to the bedroom, she had made up a bed on the mattress on the floor.

“We must do something about a proper bed soon,” she said. I didn’t tell her that I had my own bed at home because the thought had only popped into my head when she pulled off my school sweatshirt and started undressing me.

“I can do it,” I said but the sound was muffled under my clothes as layer after layer came off. She had my shirt over my head without undoing the buttons.

“I have to undo the buttons,” I said, blushing because I knew that dad moaned about that all the time. She handed me my shirt but then pulled my trousers down while I had my hands full.

“Step out,” she trilled and I stepped sideways. I fell back onto Evan’s bed which allowed her to take off my socks. Honestly, it was more than I could cope with. Had Evan been undressed like this at ten years old?

“Arms up,” she continued and she lowered what looked like a T shirt down over my arms and head. I thought dad had packed for this weekend.

“I’ve got pyjamas somewhere,” I said. Gina, smiling, ignored this comment as she did all my comments which didn’t fit in with her way of organising me.

“Stand up,” she said and the nightie fell down and around my knees.

I didn’t know what to say. I looked down and held out my arms to get the full effect. It had white short sleeves, which is why I thought it was a T shirt, and the rest was a pastel blue. There was a cartoon baboon on the front with words which I couldn’t make out at first but then realised it said ‘Best Buddies’. At least that wasn’t girly but it was still a nightshirt, or nightgown, or nightie!

What was she thinking of?
 
 
“Step forward,” Gina continued and I stepped into the pastel blue slippers she had placed in front of me. “There,” she smiled. She picked up the hair brush and gestured for me to take my place on the stool so that she could brush my hair. I sat silently, trying to think my way through what I was going to do about this situation. Her brushing was so gentle and she hummed as she worked. My hair wasn’t that long but it was much longer than normal. It covered my ears and I had to brush it out of my eyes from time to time. Now, with Gina slowly gliding the brush through my hair, I thought about when dad had come home one day, having had his hair cut. We always had our hair cut together at the same place.

When I questioned him, he told me he decided to get a cut on the way home from work.

“You work from home, dad,” I reminded him.

“So?” he replied and that had been that. It was about the time that he first mentioned a new person he had met called Gina. I had forgotten about my hair, until now, and wondered why dad hadn’t taken me for a cut the next week like he promised.

I also wondered what dad would say about this nightwear. I knew Evan would smirk but maybe I should say out loud that as it came from his wardrobe, it was obviously his! I knew, even as I thought it, that words such as those would be weak against a boy as tough as Evan.
 
 
Gina held out a pastel blue towelling dressing gown for me to wear. She wrapped it around me and then hugged me. I felt like a cotton wool ball!

“Little Danny, you are so cute!” she said smothering her face in the towelling. I giggled at that but only reluctantly followed her downstairs. I grew more self-conscious the further down the stairs I got. How could I walk back in the room in all this girlery? I sat on the bottom step of the stairs listening to the scene in the next room. Everything about Gina’s house was homely and welcoming. All of us watching television, food served with love, her smile. It was a complete change for me and dad. And sitting there I could hear how happy dad was. It was just too hard to walk in the room.

I sat with my head in my hands wondering what to do next. I looked at my feet in the pastel blue slippers. I didn’t wear slippers at home, neither did dad. I lifted one up to read the label but couldn’t find one. Perhaps they are for a boy! I knew as I thought it that it wasn’t true but the whole situation needed thinking through. In the room, I heard my favourite television programme had started.

It was Evan who came to my rescue. He appeared in the doorway and looked me up and down. I could tell he was taking in the sight of me dressed in girls’ nightwear and wondering what to say. However, he didn’t make fun of me but instead came behind me and sat on the step above the one I was on.

“You coming in?”

I shrugged.

He didn’t say anything more but reached out and tickled me under the arms. I giggled. I was so ticklish there! He didn’t stop but carried on so I had to move away to be free. He didn’t give up and in the end I backed away into the room, laughing and almost screaming with delight when he carried on.
 
 
So it was that I made my entrance and soon everyone was laughing and having fun and it ended with me snuggled up between Gina and my dad, watching television and eating snacks, all the stuff dad didn’t let me have at home. It was great.

Evan sat across the room but he and dad kept up a running commentary about the things on the television and I just sat still enjoying the warmth and closeness of the pair either side of me.

When Evan had to get ready for bed, I had them both to myself and Gina hugged me into her side where I rested my head. Evan appeared in his dressing gown, pyjamas and slippers looking every inch the soccer player he was. Honestly, could he not wear a single item of clothing without a football stitched on it somewhere?

I had to go to bed an hour earlier than Evan but I didn’t complain.

I lay in bed thinking about the evening and how protected I had felt. Wearing the girls’ nightwear had seemed unimportant. Dad hadn’t mentioned it and even Evan had been sort of nice.

I didn’t hear Evan come to bed.

I had drifted off, feeling content.
 

Evan was up before me on the Saturday morning. ‘Football practice,’ he said when I asked; as if I should know his usual routine! Dad had gone off early to meet a client so I stayed in the makeshift bed. I knew Gina would be up to dress me and I was sort of looking forward to the attention. Evan was busying himself around the room, collecting things he needed. He went to his wardrobe and then whistled.

I sat up. “What?”

He turned and looked at me with a grin on his face. “Somebody will be wearing tights today!” he sang. He threw the packet of black tights over to me. A girl on the front of the packet was modelling the look. I sank back down and sighed.

“I won’t wear them,” I said, more to convince myself than to tell Evan.

“Bet you will be,” he replied.

“I won’t!” I sat up again. “Anyway, they are in your wardrobe so they must be yours,” I tried.

He laughed. “It’s amazing what I find in this wardrobe these days.” He looked up as if the thought had just struck him. “In fact, it has been since you came!” He laughed again.

I threw the tights back at him. He placed them back on a shelf. “They are here for when you need them.” He grinned.

“Bet I don’t wear them,” I mumbled.

“Bet you do!”
 
 
After he left, I wondered whether I should get up or wait for Gina. I went to the bathroom and washed and returned to find Gina waiting for me. My stomach did one of its, now usual, stretches and I realised that I was glad that she hadn’t forgotten me. Then I remembered the tights.

“Can I wear the dungarees?” I said straight away.

Gina beamed. “Of course, sweetie,” she said.

She pulled off my nightie and handed me some underwear which I managed to put on without too much fuss, taking care to keep private parts of me private.

Gina went over to Evan’s wardrobe and pulled out a pink t shirt. It was plain, which was a relief and Gina helped me into it and then held open the dungarees for me to step into.

I once again sat on the stool while Gina brushed my hair. This part of the morning was my favourite. She brushed my hair so lovingly that I almost wished she could do it before school as well. At home, during the week, I had combed my own hair thinking about Gina as I did so.
 
 
The sight of me in the mirror once again made my stomach stretch. It was more girl than boy looking back and I wondered why I couldn’t wear my normal stuff. At least I had avoided the tights, though, and I smiled to myself at the thought of Evan’s face later when I told him. Gina mistook my smile, though, and hugged me.

“I’m so glad you have style,” she said. “You look fabulous and I can tell you think so too!”

I didn’t feel fabulous. On the other hand, strange as I felt, I was pleased with the attention from Gina. She produced some blue Vans for me to wear. “Don’t tell Evan, he’ll be jealous” she said. I felt a bit better knowing that, at least, the shoes I was wearing were ones Evan would wear.
 
 
Shopping at the supermarket was on the cards for the morning. Evan hates shopping, apparently, and only goes when he has to but Gina loved having someone to talk to and share things with when going up and down aisles. She told me all this as we shopped. I didn’t mind it. I went all the time with dad and I could spot a bargain.

This morning, though, I enjoyed it more than normal. Gina’s enthusiasm for everything rubbed off and we had great fun deciding what to cook over the weekend. The only dark cloud was the fact that I spotted boy and then later a girl from my class shopping with their mums. They both spotted me as well. I could tell from the way they both eyed me up and down they were taking in my pink t shirt, dungarees and blue Vans. I would be talked about at school on Monday for sure.
 
 
After lunch, Jasmine and Freya came over. I was thrilled to see them. We jumped up and down and hugged in the hallway for ages, it was so good to see each other after a week at school.

“Oh, we should have worn our dungarees,” Freya said when we had calmed down. “We could all look alike again.”

I noticed they were wearing black tights with their denim shorts and identical white t shirts with a cartoon girl dancing, her arms high in the air.

“Do you two co-ordinate clothing the whole time?” I joked.

“Of course,” they replied.

“And…” Jasmine announced, “We included you, Danny.” She produced an identical white t shirt with the cartoon girl on it.

Gina arrived with drinks and biscuits. This was fantastic. I never had friends over and here was Gina making it all friendly and cosy for us.

“I’ll change into shorts and then we’ll be the same,” I said.

Gina looked up. “But you wanted to wear dungarees,” she said.

“I know but we want to look the same,” I replied. “It looks better when we are dancing.” I looked at my friends. “We are dancing aren’t we?”

They laughed. “Try stopping us.”
 
 
I raced up the stairs, unhooking my dungarees as I went. In Evan’s room, I reached into the wardrobe and found the shorts I wore last week. They were exactly the same as Freya’s and Jasmine’s. Then I spotted the tights. I hesitated. We would all be exactly the same if I wore them. On the other hand, that was a step too far. I put them back and headed back down the stairs. The music had started. I could see they had started a routine and were already trying out moves. They looked great. That decided me. I raced back upstairs and found the tights, took them out of their packet and dropped my shorts.

Gina appeared. “Need any help?” she asked. I had worn tights in a school show when I was much younger but I was inexperienced in putting them on. I was grateful that Gina helped me get them straight and pulled up snug and tight. “They are opaque,” she explained, not that I really knew what that meant. I just liked the way they made my legs look longer and they were so comfortable.
 
 
Back downstairs, we danced and jumped around and were so good together. Gina recorded us again but only after we had practiced enough to be really good. Then, exhausted, we sat around and talked. My legs dangled over the side of the sofa and I got to admire the way I looked in the tights. Freya said that I was lucky to be staying with Evan because he was a ‘total cutie’. I couldn’t agree with her but didn’t want to say anything rude about him in case Gina heard.

“Do you have a boyfriend?” Jasmine asked me suddenly.

“No!” I almost shouted. I recovered and said I was a bit young. It occurred to me for the first time that they actually thought I was a girl. I sat up. The tights and shorts outfit suddenly felt odd. Perhaps I should tell them the truth.

“Do you want a boyfriend?” Jasmine asked me. I presumed that they knew I was a boy who happened to be an ace dancer. Now I felt out of place. I went quiet.

Freya wanted to know if Evan had a girlfriend. To be honest, I didn’t know but I didn’t want to talk about him.

Jasmine suggested we went into town to ‘hang around’. I wasn’t keen but Gina, when she heard the plans, thought it was a brilliant idea. “It will give me a chance to clear up,” she said.

“I’ll go and change.” I didn’t get far with that idea because both Jasmine and Freya objected and Gina guided me to the door practically pushing me out so that within minutes I was outside dressed from head to toe in girl wear. With one girl on each side, they hooked arms through mine and trotted down the road towards town.
 
 
I didn’t know anybody from Evan’s side of town but as we got closer to the centre I knew we were bound to bump into people I knew from school. I was so self- conscious. I was never a guy guy, always had girls as friends, and making up dance routines meant that most boys at school avoided me. But…I had never pretended to be a girl. I had never dressed up as a girl before. Now, I was walking through town hoping that the people who passed me would think I was a girl. The worst thing that could happen now would be meeting somebody I knew. I would have a hard job explaining why I was dressed in tights and shorts or I would be giving Freya and Jasmine a big surprise. I felt doomed.
 
 
When we reached the park Freya led us to a park bench. Her idea of ‘hanging around’ was trying to catch the attention of boys our age. There were quite a few on skateboards and bikes doing nothing much other than circling each other. Freya headed for the bench in the middle of them. Jasmine followed dragging me by the arm. We sat in a row. I looked around. Fortunately, I didn’t recognise any of the boys. Freya did. She made comments about each of them using her own ‘cutie scale’ to grade them. Jasmine added her views, sometimes agreeing with Freya but mostly not. Then they turned to me.

“You’re being quiet,” Jasmine said. I didn’t have much to add but didn’t need to because Freya became all animated.

“Shush, shush, they’re coming over,” she said making such a fuss. “Pretend you’re not interested,” she continued which wasn’t hard as I wasn’t.

A boy cycled his bike over breaking so that he skidded to a halt right beside me.

“Who’s your friend, girls?” he asked.

“Her dad’s going out with Evan’s mum,” Freya explained. I looked at my feet. Red converse with black tights didn’t feel very boylike.

“Hi, I’m Toby,” the boy said.

“She’s Dani,” Jasmine said when it was clear I wasn’t going to answer.

“Or Danielle to be formal,” Freya said nudging me, “as this is your first introduction.”

“Hi Dani,” Toby said and I half- heartedly lifted my hand in a wave.
 
 
I knew I was going red and Freya telling Toby I was shy didn’t help matters. My mind was racing for a way out of this problem I now had. Should I tell the girls I was a boy before matters got worse? I even thought I should ask my dad if we could move away, from Gina and Evan and all this upside down stuff. I suppose it was because I was so confused about what to do that I did nothing and that is what led to me sitting silently for as long as possible while Freya and Jasmine flirted, because that is what they were doing, with Toby and his friends who soon joined us.
 
 
Freya suggested we play chase and everyone seemed to think this was a good idea, except me and I stayed silent. With the bench as ‘home’ the game began and I decided to sit it out. The others ran and shrieked and chased and pushed. I hoped they would get tired of it but, before they did, Freya came up behind me and pushed me off the bench. Toby came straight for me and I ran off shrieking as I did. Toby grabbed me and lifted me off the ground and swung me around. I couldn’t do a thing about it except shriek, which I did, and giggle. He set me down and then ran off. I looked around and could see that the others were waiting for me to catch them so, without thinking too much more I set off to try and catch them. I had Toby in my sights. He was the one I wanted to catch. Try as I might I couldn’t get him, he was too fast and the others tired of waiting for me so set off a rival game while I concentrated on Toby. I lost sight of him and was about to return to the bench when two arms reached out, grabbed me and pulled me into him. His arms locked around me and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.

“I can feel your heart beating,” Toby said. I didn’t know what to say but I didn’t struggle I stayed still with his arms wrapped right around me.
 
 
It was Freya who spoiled the moment. She appeared and made a sarcastic comment about lovers in the bushes. It was quite unnecessary and Toby dropped his arms immediately. I went red and walked back to the bench, quite annoyed with her.
 
 
The boys started to drift off and, I think because she knew she had upset me, Freya tried to make amends.

“Dani is a great dancer,” she said to Toby.

“Really?” he asked. His interest was clear.

“Toby is a dancer too,” Freya explained.

“Ballet,” Jasmine added. “He’s brilliant!” It was Toby who went red this time. He didn’t say much but wheeled his bike alongside us as we walked home. I knew I was supposed to say something but I was so confused myself I didn’t know what to say. In the end, Jasmine suggested we all meet up again the next day so we could show our dance routines.
 
 
I was a mix of emotions back at Gina’s. At first she thought something awful had happened and I had to convince her that I had had a great time. I had. That was why I was so confused. Dad had not returned from work and Evan was at a friend’s house. I sat in front of the television not paying attention. I replayed the day to try to work out how I had ended up shyly waving to a boy who obviously liked me. ‘A total cutie’ Freya had called him and, when pressed by Jasmine, I had agreed that he was really nice. How had I reached that point?
 
 
When I went back over it, I couldn’t find the single moment when I was forced by Gina to wear anything I didn’t want to. Neither did I correct the girls when they called me ‘she’. When Evan returned home he took one look at me and nodded at my legs and I realised that he was right, I had ended up in the tights. At least he hadn’t said, ‘told you so’ even though his look did all that for him. But this was part of my concern, I had spent all day wearing girls’ clothes and didn’t think to get changed back when I came home.
 
 
I had a slight panic. Dad would be home and he would see me in tights. Maybe that was pushing my luck. I went into the kitchen and tried to find the words to tell Gina that I needed to change my clothes. She could tell something was up. I didn’t know what to say. Instead, I told her about the game of chase in the park and Toby grabbing me. She smiled the whole time. I then told her that Freya and Jasmine had introduced me as a girl. I stopped. The smile never left Gina’s face.

“What did you say?” she asked.

“Nothing,” I replied, looking down.

“Well, there’s nothing to say really is there?” she said. I looked at her, confused. “Why would you correct them?”

I thought it was obvious. “Because I’m not a girl!” I said, slowly.

Gina held out her hands and taking mine held me at arms’ length. She made me do a complete turn.

“What do we have here, looking fabulous and oh so pretty?” I blushed. “Is it a boy I see before me or a girl?” I didn’t answer. “Or doesn’t it matter as long as this little person is fabulous?” She hugged me and held me close. I was still confused but Gina’s hug made me feel better.
 
 
And that was how dad found us as he came home. Normally he would hug and kiss Gina but, today, he threw his arms around us both and hugged us closer. He didn’t mention my clothes and when Evan came into the kitchen he invited Evan over to join in, which he did because he hero worshipped my dad and would do anything he asked.
 
 
I stayed in my tights all evening until it was time for bed. Once again, Gina undressed me and helped me into my nightdress. I didn’t question it or ask for my pyjamas, I just went along with it all. I had enjoyed the day. Later, lying in bed I asked Evan if he knew Toby.

“He’s gay,” he shot back.

“He’s not, you know,” I replied. Evan looked at me. “Take it from me, he isn’t.”

Evan didn’t follow it up but gave me a look. “Wonder what is in the wardrobe for tomorrow!” he said. I wondered too. I had a few ideas for what I wanted in there as well.
 
 
To Be Continued...
 

Gina had dressed me as normal while Evan lazed in bed. She breezed in and opened Evan’s wardrobe. That was my cue to go the bathroom and wash. When I returned, Gina had my clothes ready. I say ‘my clothes’, but, in fact, none of them were mine or the ones dad had packed in my weekend bag. Today, she dressed me in the black tights again with the denim shorts and a red top with ‘Girl Power’ emblazoned across the front; no room for doubt there.

I loved the tights, they were my favourite thing, my best discovery, and I couldn’t help looking at my legs at every opportunity. Evan noticed and couldn’t help making a comment. In fact, he was a pain all morning. I think he was bored but his comments aimed at me were hurtful. He called me a sissy at one stage and I burst into tears. I shouldn’t have cried but the confusion I was feeling, along with the way he was treating me, just got to me. He was immediately sorry and tried to make amends.

“I want to go home,” I sniffed. “I want to go back to my old life.”

“Please don’t cry,” he said. “I didn’t mean it.” I sniffed and tried to stop the tears falling and Evan became more alarmed.

“You don’t want me here and I don’t want to be here, so we have that in common,” I said, eventually.

“I would hate it if you left,” he said. “Your dad is great to me and you…” he hesitated. “You are really nice, too.”

I knew how much he idolised my dad and I could see that my dad was fond of him. In many ways he was the son I couldn’t be. I knew that. I was just feeling a bit at sea over what was happening. I also knew that I would hate to lose Gina now. I tried to recover.

“It’s okay,” I said at last. “I’m just confused.”

Evan nodded as if he understood, but how could he?

“I think you make a great girl,” he said. I think he was trying to make me feel better.

I nodded. “I think it suits me. I’m a lousy boy. I never fitted in properly.”

“Not surprising, if you really are a girl inside,” he said. I looked at him. What did he know? He was full of surprises and then he had another one up his sleeve. He hugged me!

Gina appeared at the point where Evan was comforting me.

“Everything alright here?” she asked.

“She was a bit upset mum, but she is alright now,” Evan said. He looked at me to see if I was going to say anything to get him into trouble. I smiled and wiped my eyes, showing that the upset was over. Gina smiled and reminded me that Freya and Jasmine were due over soon. Evan groaned but peace was restored.

Later, I realised that Evan had referred to me as ‘she’ and Gina hadn’t said anything about it. Neither had I!
 
 
Evan went out to see a friend when Freya and Jasmine turned up. Freya told me again what a total cutie he was and, although I didn’t agree, I said he was quite nice for a brother. Our dancing was as good as ever and I didn’t object when Jasmine suggested we call Toby and invite him over. Freya moaned a bit. “But he’s a boy!” she said. “Our dances are for girls!”

“Not to dance with us! To watch us!” Jasmine announced. “And besides,” she continued, “he can get to see Dani again. Bet she won’t object to that!” She grinned at me. Any chance of telling them the truth and explaining myself were fast disappearing. But then, I was feeling less and less like explaining myself and more and more like enjoying my new popularity, instead.

Toby was impressed, or he said he was! We danced for him but soon pulled him in and he danced, too. Freya suggested that we make up a dance where we split into pairs and I got paired with Toby which was great fun. He may be a great ballet dancer but I could teach him a thing or two about our style of dancing. He was a fast dancer and quick learner. After he had gone, the others made fun of me, saying I fancied him and so on. I said very little.

It was such a strange feeling having friends as good as Freya and Jasmine. It was also so strange to know a boy who noticed me and seemed to like me. I couldn’t think of a single boy at school who I could call a friend. There wasn’t any boy who would even stop and talk to me. To the boys in my class, I was invisible. Toby, on the other hand, was a real friend. My life was certainly changing.
 
 
Back home, during the week, I once again found myself thinking back on those changes and the strange weekend. I was back to ‘boy clothes’ for school but I found myself noticing what the girls were wearing and thinking about what did and didn’t look good. Emily, my best friend at school, noticed that I had changed.

“You play with your hair more,” she said, “and you are less awkward.”

I didn’t know what she meant by ‘awkward’ but she explained that I was always so tense at school, avoiding any trouble and keeping out of the way of the boys, watching how I stood or walked.

“You seemed scared to be caught out,” she went on. “Now, you seem more at ease.”

It was true that I kept out of the way of boys. I had been made fun of enough in the past to know that it was best to keep myself to myself. The boys just didn’t like me. There wasn’t a single boy at school that had anything to do with me. Then I remembered Toby. He was the first boy who liked me. He was so nice to me, but he thought I was a girl. His friends were nice, too. All the boys in the park had wanted to play with Freya, Jasmine and me. When I was a boy nobody took much notice of me but, when they thought I was a girl, boys as well as girls wanted to play with me.

Strange!

I didn’t know what Emily meant about being ‘caught out’ but I had a really bad moment over the weekend. Freya suggested we pair up for the dances and Toby said, “I know! How about boys and girls?” My heart froze. I thought he knew my secret.

“What you saying?” Freya asked with her hands on her hips. “You calling me a tomboy?”

“I wouldn’t dare,” he said and laughed. The moment passed but it had been quite a shock. Then, it dawned on me that nobody for a minute thought of me as a boy or even a tomboy. I was making quite a success of this girl thing.

I wondered what it would be like if Emily met Jasmine, Freya and Toby. I couldn’t let the two sides of my life meet or secrets would come tumbling out but I couldn’t help wondering if life at school with my new friends would be kinder and better.
 
 
At my school, the boundaries were really clear. I was certainly a boy there… or at least I did my best to be ‘boylike’. Things became more fluid, at home. After school, I started changing into the clothes Gina had packed for me. At first, I only put on the grey top or white long sleeved t shirt with my normal jeans but, by Wednesday, I got more adventurous and wore the skinny jeans with my pink top. I also started slapping around the house in my blue slippers, almost sad that I didn’t have my nightdress to wear. If dad noticed, he didn’t say anything. He didn’t look cross or anything and he didn’t act differently. Each day, on arriving home, I went through my clothes and selected something and each day my eyes quickly dismissed my usual clothes in favour of my ‘girl’ ones. I just felt better wearing them. I fingered the tights, wondering if I dared.
 
 
By Thursday it was too much. I had spent that day admiring the tights worn by girls in my class and remembering how comfortable they had felt last weekend. I was jealous that the girls got to wear them so, on arriving home, I rushed past dad and up the stairs. As usual, he told me to get changed.

“I am changing,” I said to myself. “I really am changing!” I told the mirror!

I hesitated only for a moment.

Would dad mind?

He didn’t at Gina’s but this was different, somehow. If dad made a fuss, I decided I would at least finally start a conversation about why Gina bought me girls’ clothes.

I pulled on the tights and once again felt both strange and excited by the feel on my legs. I put on the shorts which were both tight and very short and a white top that looked like a vest but which was much too soft and shiny to be anything a boy would wear. I sneaked into my dad’s room for a look in the full length mirror and the girl me smiled back. I could see that I was getting to like her. Life felt better when I was a girl.

I took a mug of tea into my dad. He was head down, working on something or other but he noticed my clothes straight away. He smiled and hugged me into his side. I let myself be hugged and played with the loose strands of my hair. He then produced a present for me. I was amazed. It wasn’t my birthday or anything. I opened the small box and pulled out a necklace with the name, ‘Dani’, in silver. It was lovely. The spelling wasn’t lost on me. It was some time since my dad had called me Daniel. I hugged dad even closer and kissed him on the cheek. He was obviously pleased by the enthusiasm that I had shown.

Dad eventually decided I had homework to do and made a space on his desk next to him so I could do it. I didn’t do it very well. The task was to write about an important day. I had so much I wanted to write; about meeting Gina or dancing with Freya or Jasmine, or meeting Toby and realising that a boy actually liked me, or wearing tights in town, or my dad buying me a necklace with my new name on it. They were special days. They were important days.

Instead, I wrote about the first time I met Gina but I left so much out that I wanted to tell everybody about, that, in the end, my work didn’t sound very important at all. No wonder my teacher, when he read it, said “You don’t have a very exciting life do you?” I blushed. If only he knew. If only I could tell him that, when I went home I would change into the real me and snuggle up next to my dad on the sofa wearing tights and shorts, and that I would be dreaming about the next weekend with Gina wondering what was left to discover.
 
 
I reached the stage where I could hardly wait for the end of school on Friday. I used to like school but now the weeks seemed to go so slowly and I was desperate to reach the weekend. I suppose my dream would be to live during the week in the way I spent the weekends. Dad helped as much as he could. I noticed my new school trousers, although black, were different. No wonder. They had come from ‘Miss Second Glance’ and were styled to appeal to girls; as much as boring school trousers could. However, I was grateful to my dad and I smiled to myself when I noticed the trousers of some of the other girls. It made me feel better that I was wearing the same. No trouble from the boys. To them, I was still invisible.

So each Friday, dad collected me from school and we drove over town to her house with me still in school uniform. When we got there, though, I got changed straight away. At first, I hoped Gina would dress me but I couldn’t think how to ask her without sounding like a four year old so, most Fridays, I took myself up to Evan’s room and changed. Better that than wait until Saturday for the girl me to appear. Evan would normally be on his computer and, mostly, he would ignore me. I would open the wardrobe and take out what was obviously left there for me.

“I wish mum would get you your own,” he said on one occasion. “It freaks me out to open it and see girls’ clothes in my wardrobe.”

End of Part Four
 
 
To Be Continued...
 

Spending the week at home, just me and daddy, then the weekend at Gina’s with all the fun of playing with Freya and Jasmine and dressing in a way that suited the real me became the pattern over the next six weeks. By this stage my hair was longer than it had ever been. It reached my shoulders, just. At school there had been a few comments but mostly from teachers because it was getting untidy. I mentioned it to dad.

That is why, I found myself sitting in the chair at Gina’s usual salon with Gina at my side holding my hand and telling me she was so excited. I thought I was having my hair ‘tidied’, she thought it was time for a make- over! I was nervous. After all, whatever happened I would have to live with it back at school next week. “Will I look very different?” I asked.
“You will look fabulous,” she said. “Just as you are now but with extra fabulousness!” We laughed and I have to say that my desire to show off to Freya and Jasmine, and Toby won over any worries I had about Monday; at least for the time being. That is why sitting in the coffee shop later waiting for daddy and Evan I sported a new fringe and bangs and a stud earring in each ear. I felt fabulous, Gina told me I looked fabulous, and I spent the whole time playing with my ears.

Daddy told me I looked pretty and I blushed. Evan grunted but I could see he was in a good mood; spending time with daddy always did that to him. We had to listen to the list of shops they had visited but they were so boring. How much time can you spend in a fishing tackle shop? Gina looked a bit cross when I didn’t take any interest so I did my best. At last, they asked about my salon visit and I told them how great it had been and how the stylist had paid me compliments. She thought I was a girl the whole time but I didn’t mention that. Neither did I tell them that I was worried I would be found out, or worse that I would have to go back to my old life. It had been a relief when she asked me girl questions, such as whether I had a boyfriend or not. I blushed and said no to that but she decided I was being secretive and asked me what his name was. She did go on a bit about it. However, when I looked at myself in the mirror at the end, I was so amazed and pleased I almost cried. I loved the way I looked although I looked slightly younger than ten. Perhaps it was too much a little girl look. I wanted to be like Freya and Jasmine but the glint of earrings through my fine hair every time I moved made me feel so much better. Gina was at my side admiring the work.
“There,” she said turning to the stylist. “I knew you would work your magic.”
“She’s too stunned to speak,” the stylist said to Gina.

I stunned somebody else as well that day. Not Freya or Jasmine, they were complimentary about the changes and a bit jealous because Jasmine wanted pierced ears and wasn’t allowed yet. Freya did have earrings but wanted blond hair like mine. Although we were all the same age I couldn’t help but think that I looked younger. Anyway, they were nice to me. So was Toby when we saw him later. He was the second person to call me ‘pretty’. No, the person I stunned was Emily from school. I bumped into her in the coffee shop on my way to the little boys’ room… or little girls’ room; I hadn’t made up my mind. The worry about the decision left me as soon as I came face to face with Emily.
“Daniel,” she said, shocked. I think she was going to say, “Is that you?” but both she and I knew it was. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. I was going to explain but… well that was the problem. I hadn’t explained things to myself so how could I find the words for anyone else? That I was becoming a girl was clear; the boy had faded away almost completely. Why I felt better as a girl was harder to explain. Why I was glad that Gina had encouraged me was even harder to explain. What I did know was that we were building a new family, and I was the daughter, and I was over the moon about that.

Emily was probably my best friend at school. We played together at playtimes for instance but it wasn’t as if we were close. I wouldn’t tell her secrets or things. It was more a case of her being popular with the other girls and allowing me in to the circle for dances and friendship. Now, Freya, Jasmine and were friends with me on an equal basis. I still played with Emily at school but we didn’t see each other outside school much anymore and I hadn’t confided in her. During the week, I did all that online with Freya and Jasmine… and even Toby.

I still had some explaining to do though. I stood, one foot on top of the other and my legs bent in the way Freya stood when she was thinking. I was sort of annoyed with myself for insisting to Gina that I wear tights and shorts. I had even complained last week that I only had black tights and I shrieked with delight on discovering bright purple tights in the wardrobe. I was so pleased with them. Now, I felt trapped. There was no pretending. These were not half way clothes, these were full on girl clothes.

“I’m called Dani, now,” I said quietly. Emily looked me up and down.
“D-A-N-I?” she asked. I nodded. “Thought so, I saw your necklace at school. You thought it was hidden, but I saw it.” I nodded again, not sure what to say. Emily filled the silences for me.
“I like your style,” she said and smiled. I tried a smile. “Is this why you don’t see me at weekends now?” she asked.
“No, I…” I looked around. “I spend every weekend at Gina’s with daddy.”
“Daddy? Your dad?” I nodded.
It was her turn to look around. “Are you going in there?” she said nodding towards the little boys’ room.
“I didn’t think it through properly,” I said. It was true. I usually avoided going at all when we were in town but today I really needed to sort myself out. She took my arm and guided me into the girls’ room.
“Looking as good as you do, you need extra mirror,” she explained.

It was good to see Emily and good to talk. We spent ages chatting afterwards and she reminded me why she was so friendly to me, including me when I could have spent every school playtime on my own.
“It suits you,” she said, finally. “You have more confidence as a girl, Dani.”
I was surprised by this. I wasn’t feeling confident at all.
“What about school on Monday?” she asked. I went silent again. I would need bucket loads of confidence to do what I really wanted to do, I thought.
“Not sure, yet,” I said.
We parted with Emily wishing me luck and saying she would see me on Monday. At least I would have an ally when I needed one, I thought.

“Finally,” groaned Evan when I returned.
“Sorry,” I said. “I met Emily and we chatted.”
“And chatted and chatted and chatted,” Evan moaned. “Honestly, girls!”
Gina and daddy hadn’t seemed to mind and they laughed when Evan kept going on about girls spending time in bathrooms making themselves look pretty.
“You seem to know a lot about it,” daddy said and that shut him up. Daddy winked at me and held my hand as we left to find the car.

Sunday night came around all too soon, as it seemed to these days. We packed up to return home and I wished that we could just stay. Maybe I could go to the same school as Freya and Jasmine, or go to school with Evan. “
“Not for much longer,” daddy said to Gina as they kissed goodbye.
I tried getting more information out of him on the drive back across town.
“All in good time,” he said. “We can’t have you sleeping on the mattress for too much longer. Besides, it isn’t right that you share a room with a boy at your age.”
I thought I would like my own room but I really hoped that we could all live together. However, I didn’t want to rock any boats so I didn’t dare raise it with daddy.

In bed that night, my mind went to school and the comments I was bound to get when they saw my pierced ears and new hair style. I tried looking in the mirror to see how obvious they were. Very! Very, very obvious! I wondered if anyone would turn violent over it.

The answer was that boys noticed me for the first time in years… and not in a good way. I had worried that I was so invisible at school but today would have been a good day to disappear.
“Sissy, poofta, girly, fairy, princess,” were just some of the names I was called before the day even started. Some boys just laughed at me and didn’t even use any words. Others minced around with arms at odd angles to their bodies in a bizarre show of how they thought girls walked.

Emily rescued me and pulled me into her group of girls. That made some of the boys worse but I Emily glare at some of them and they lost interest…for a while. I would like to say the girls were better than that but quite a few seemed to enjoy the drama too.

It was my own fault. Daddy had spoken to me about this. He warned me it might be too much of a shock for some. He offered to come into school and talk to the headteacher but I, stupidly, thought it wasn’t that much of a change. I wore my boy clothes, for instance. Well, actually the trousers were girl ones but… they were trousers!

Standing with the other girls, though, I could see I had maybe rushed things. It was just that I had this different life now and it was better and I hated putting it all away in a wardrobe so that I could pretend to be somebody I wasn’t while I was at school.

My headteacher is big on diversity. He doesn’t like it if people make fun of other people because they are different. “Difference is what makes the world a fascinating place” he said in assembly all the time. So I knew he would be on my side. I suppose word spread because he came into our classroom, went over to speak to the teacher, looked at me and beckoned me over. There were sniggers; I suppose some thought I would be in trouble now. It did cross my mind that I may have overdone it, rushed things maybe. On the other hand, why should I be somebody I wasn’t to fit in at school? I walked with him to his office.
“Your daddy has been to see me this morning,” he said. I looked suitably surprised. “He was worried about you facing school all alone.”
I realised how much I loved my daddy. “I’m fine,” I said.
“That’s what he said you would say,” he replied. He sat behind his desk and indicated the seat for me. “I’m sure several people have had something to say this morning!” His arched eyebrows showed that he knew what some of the boys in my class were like.
“I always wondered what I had to do to get noticed by the boys in my class,” I said and he smiled.
“I am here to support you, so I want you to know that I will not allow anyone to be mean and nasty without there being serious consequences for them.”
I nodded. “Is there anything I can do to help?” he asked. I smiled to myself and remembered the first time I wore a skirt.

Evan was moaning, again, that there were girl clothes in his wardrobe. I was used to this by now and said something clever like, “you should try them, they might suit you” to which he snorted. He then threw a denim skirt over to me and said, “I wouldn’t be seen dead in a skirt.”
I was so excited. There had been one time when Freya wore a skirt but Jasmine didn’t. I remember thinking that, if we had co-ordinated, I would get to wear a skirt too because Gina always seemed to be in the know. I didn’t dare ask though and because we were all dressed differently it remained just a hope. Then, here I was holding a skirt and thinking that, at last, I would get to wear one. I almost thanked Gina when she came in to dress me but instead did what I always did, accepted it all as just normal for me to have these clothes. So, Gina put me in purple tights and the denim skirt and a purple top with silvery stars and I danced in front of the mirror so much that she had to hold me down to brush my hair and say “what is the matter with you today?” but she smiled as she said it and she knew as I did what the matter was. This was the best feeling of all. I didn’t object when we went out but couldn’t wait to be around town in my skirt and tights. I didn’t even keep looking around to see if we bumped into someone who knew me.

So, sitting in the headteacher’s office, I knew what I was going to say when he asked me what he could do to help. “I would like to wear my skirt, tomorrow,” I said.
He nodded. “Alright, as long as it is a school uniform skirt...”
I smiled. This was going to be fantastic. I got up to leave and he said, “ … and tights need to be navy blue, remember. School colours!”
I didn’t actually have a school skirt or navy tights but I didn’t worry. I could even ask Emily if necessary.

The rest of the day went without too much fuss. Nobody was outright hostile to me but I got a lot of stares and I could tell others were whispering. Before I left for home, my teacher called me over. I was sure he was going to say something positive and supportive so I was completely taken by surprise when he handed me back my homework on, ’An Important Day’ from six weeks ago. He said, “This isn’t your best work. You can do better.” I looked at my writing. I knew it wasn’t as good as it could be but I was keeping secrets when I wrote it.
“I want you to do it again,” he said. “And this time, write as if you mean it!”
I nodded and took back my work.

Gina met me from school. This was a surprise. She told me she and daddy decided I needed support and she was worried that I would be scared about walking home by myself.
“I usually do,” I replied.
“I know,” she said, looking around. “But today feels a bit more special, doesn’t it!”
She took my hand and we walked towards home.
“Don’t you need to collect Evan from his school?” I asked her.
“Evan doesn’t like me to be seen at his school. I might ruin his street cred!” We laughed at that, both imagining how Evan liked to act the tough guy.
“Are we going to my house or yours?” I asked.
“Neither! Well, not yet, anyway. We have shopping to do young lady!”

And so we did, not exciting shopping because it was all school uniform but it was a couple of new school skirts and several pairs of tights in navy blue and charcoal. Nothing to wear down a catwalk but, for me, a big step forwards.
“Evan’s school has a red uniform, is that right?” I asked Gina.
“And boy, does Evan moan about THAT!” she replied.
“Red tights would be so cool, though,” I said.
Gina looked at me and sighed. “Alright then, one pair of bright red tights for you, but only to wear at weekends. Your school will not like it if you break the uniform rule.”
I hugged her close and we set off for home, which as it turned out was her house.

Her house…Evan’s house…and Evan’s wardrobe…where it all started. Daddy was waiting for us and Evan was chatting to him, wearing his school uniform. He looked younger somehow in his red school sweatshirt and grey trousers.
Daddy and I stayed over because there were big decisions to be made. Gina and daddy said we should all live together. This was just what we all wanted but daddy wanted to be sure that it was the right thing.
“We will find a new house to live in, a new start. Not your house or this house but our house!” Gina said.
Daddy said I could move schools if I wanted to. Tempted though I was by the thought of red tights, I knew my school was the place to be. Why should I be chased away? Then I had a slight panic.
“We’re not moving too far away are we?”
“Not too far from Freya and Jasmine,” Gina said.
“Or Toby!” Evan said, his face in his hands fluttering his eyelashes in an exaggerated way. I should have been annoyed with him but I laughed instead.

It would have been great to watch television all bunched up on the sofa like at weekends but I had homework to do.
“So do you, Evan!” Gina reminded him.
“Stupid girl,” he shot across to me. “She wouldn’t have remembered if you hadn’t said that!”
I didn’t mind. I had a piece of writing to do. I had promised to rewrite my work and I was keen to do it.