Into every life a little star must fall...

From the Author: On Friday I wrote 5k words for Elves Rule!. I had the next chapter wrapped up in a neat little bow and I was going to have it ready to post here. I got home only to realize that I didn't save any of it.

I work without a net. I write what comes to me in the moment. Sometimes I delete whole passages because they're crap, but usually, what you see is what I wrote. The thing is, I have no pre-write, no notes, and absolutely no other drafts of my stories.

So, when I fail to save five thousand words, it really gets to me. It feels like my heart has been ripped out. I've lose one of my stories and there's no getting it back. Sure, I can rewrite it, but it will never feel the same. Sometimes, rarely, it results in a better version. Usually it's just different.

I was so upset that I wanted to kill a character. I wanted my story to suffer for my own mistake. Childish, I know, so I decided it was time to put down Elves Rule for a little bit. I need some perspective before I continue it. So, I wrote a story in which the main character dies in chapter one. If the title didn't give something away, then this sure did ;).

I've put up the first two chapters of this story for your enjoyment. Just realize that this is from a place of pain, so it's not quite the normal fare that I post here.

Love it? Hate it? Let me know, and above all else let me know if you think it should continue.

I grew up with princesses in my dreams. I was too old for the marketing of the Disney princess, but I was aware of it as an adult. I had, however, grown up with those princesses in my life. I love fairy tales. I love the stories where people come through trials all the better for their challenge.

My life isn't a fairy tale. I don't go through sin changed. You did realize that the woods in a fairy tale represent sin?

Never mind.

My story is about a death. In fact, it begins with death.

And it begins with Disney.

A little strange, huh? Not really all that much, actually. You see, there is one song from all of the cartoon movies that really calls to me every time I look up at the stars at night.

When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are…

I sing it to myself when I stand out there looking up at the stars.

Let me take a moment to explain something. Don't worry, I'll get to the death soon. I haven't forgotten. Don’t worry…I'm saying that too much.

The only thing I ever dreamed of as a kid was being prince charming. Yes, I wanted to be 'that guy.' I was over 6'2" and two hundred thirty pounds of pure muscle. I relished my physique. I spent hours at the gym, keeping myself trim. I watched what I ate.

My job? Not quite perfect.

I worked as a valet at a local restaurant. I got a lot of first dates, but when they found out I was 'just' a valet it kind of ruined the mood. It was more that I was settling in that job. After six years of college, three in undergrad and three more toward my masters degree, I was sort of stuck.

I loved my degree. It was perfect for me. The problem was that it was difficult for me to actually want to go sit up on some mountain somewhere away from society. At least in my experience, female astronomers are kind of rare, and the ones that exist are sort of a strange bunch. I'd have given my left nut for one who was anything like Jodie Foster.

Remember where I mentioned looking up into the stars at night? Yeah, I thought I'd make a job of it at one point. Not so much anymore. Now, I spent all my stargazing on the walk home from the restaurant at one in the morning.

Walking is great exercise, and it saves on gas. See, green AND good looking. How come none of the women I dated could see that?

The weather was rather cool for April and my breath plumed into the darkness. It was chilly more than cold, or so I thought. The stars were bright, even more so than normal for the city. The lack of cloud cover prevented a lot of the light pollution from bleeding out the starscape, and the temperature seemed to have cleared up a lot of the regular pollution that browned the skies.

I'd only just finished the first couplet when movement grabbed my attention. Time slowed down as I watched the 'shooting star' shoot right through me. I barely had enough time to be scared before the small meteorite had slammed into the ground behind me.

At first, I seriously thought I'd gotten through it unscathed. I thought that I was whole. My hands patting my chest certainly told me that tale, but my eyes told a different one when they looked down and saw my dead body staring sightlessly up at the stars.

"At least I get to look into the stars for eternity."

"Well, isn't that a bit of a bother," I heard a light, feminine, voice say from behind me.

I turned around and my eyes…well the memory of my eyes..my spirit eyes?..open wide with shock.

"There really is a blue fairy?"

"Blue? Oh, I see the reference. No, I'm not some magical princess from the stars…well maybe just a princess from the stars. Oh, Bother, I'm making such a mess of this."

I walked over to her and put a hand on her shoulder. I was dead. No use trying to be macho anymore. It had brought me too much grief while alive; I wouldn't let it affect my death.

"It'll be okay. You'll figure it out."

"How will it be okay? You're dead."

"Well, that means I don't have anything else to worry about. All that hard work I put into my body was wasted time I should have spent improving my personality."

"You're really philosophical about this…"

"I'm dead. I think a lot of my emotions are sort of tied into my flesh, you know, chemicals and hormones and things. Without them? I'm left with my mind and intellect."

"I'm supposed to be calming you. I killed you after all."

"Was it intentional?"

"Not exactly. I was trying to land near you. I figured that would be the best way to get your attention."

"Well, you certainly got my attention," I said with a smirk.

"I was riveting, wasn't I?"

I winced and she looked sad, "too soon?"

"Yeah, too soon."

"Wait, you can see me?"

"Why wouldn't I?"

":You're the first earthling that's been able to see one of us. We've been around for years and never seen any of us."

"So, there is life out there and it's been visiting us for years we just never saw it?"

"Yes."

"And there is apparently life after death," I said unhappily. "Don't think I'm ready to go to hell."

"What is hell?"

"Eternal punishment for the self-centered."

"Certainly you weren't that bad a guy?"

"I never got more than a first date with a girl, never opened doors for them, never really saw them for who they were. No, I was a bit of a pig, I think. Everything is getting a bit fuzzy. I know I feel bad about it still. Oh, and I spent way too much time at the gym."

"If I could give you a second chance, would you take it?"

"Really? You can really bring me back to…" I saw the look in her eyes, the loss she was about to suffer, and I shut up. "You'd have to die for me to live, wouldn't you?"

"So insightful," she said with tears in her eyes.

"I can't ask you to give life up for me."

"The reason I came down here, the reason all my sisters come down here is to be a mother. Your planet is inimical to us. We don't last long when we land."

"You really are a shooting star, aren't you?"

She looked at me for a moment and then nodded, "fast and bright. That's us. We can last for a long time out in space, but here, we burn out rather quickly. We only have a short window in which you can decide before I won't have enough energy left."

"Why would you give this to me?"

"Because I took everything from you. I'd be able to give at least something back. Let me be a mother, at least in a certain sense."

"Fine, mom, but don't expect me to visit on the holidays."

She laughed and cried at the same time.

"So, how do we do this?"

She opened her arms to me and I fell into her embrace. For the first time since I'd seen the meteorite I felt something. My body tingled all over. Light filled my vision and I closed my eyes against the pain of it. When I opened them again I was looking into the bluest eyes I'd ever seen. I felt a slight stirring in the core of my being. Something connected me to those eyes and I smiled.

"She's awake! Get the back board over here so we can move her!"

"She?" I said, a little groggily. There was something wrong with my voice, and my clothes didn't fit like they should have. I must have gone to a party and not realized it. Someone must have spiked my drink with something and I'd hallucinated a blue fairy.

I giggled a bit to myself at the thought.

"Miss, are you alright?" The blue eyes were again in my field of vision.

"You have really pretty eyes, you know that?" Wait, was I gay? I know the person in the hot EMT outfit leaning over me was a guy…wait, did I just think he was hot? Did I just tell him he had pretty eyes?

"Shit, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to say that aloud. I'm a little out of it."

"Don't worry. I'd be a little out of it too if I just suffered a near miss with a shooting star."

"Near miss?"

"Yeah, if you weren't wearing this oversized shirt, I'd have sworn you were hit in the heart. I'm amazed you weren't burned anywhere."

I put my hand to my chest and felt something unfamiliar there. "What the…"

I had breasts. They felt big in my hands. If it weren't for the difference in my clothing, I'd have assumed that they were at least a D…but a quick calculation suggested to me that they were only a large B or a small C. They'd probably be just perfect on my smaller frame.

"I think I'm about to pass out," I said and then the world went black. I felt the EMT put his hand underneath my head and grinned. He'd touched me.

I awoke to a slight rocking motion. The sound of a siren seemed to wail somewhere nearby. I opened my eyes slowly and saw the inside of an ambulance. Apparently my loss of consciousness caused them to consider this an emergency.

"Back with us again?"

"Are you prince charming?" He flashed a perfect white smile at my question. He had perfect brown hair as well. He was, in a word, perfect. He didn't have the overabundance of muscle in what I was beginning to assume was my old body, but he looked fit. I sighed.

"Miss, are you okay?"

"If I told you that until yesterday I was a man, would you believe me?"

He just looked at me and then laughed. "No, I wouldn't."

"Oh," I said and began to cry.

"It can't be all that bad," he said with a small smile, putting his hand on his shoulder.

"Yes, it can. My ID is in my front left pocket."

He reached in and grabbed my very manly wallet. His fingers brushed against my hip and I gasped.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No, not exactly," I said with a little smile. How do I tell and EMT that I am trying to tell I am a guy in here that I have a crush on him?

"Is this your brother?"

"No, it is, or I should say was, me."

"There's no way you're over six foot."

"And this clothing fit me until before the meteorite struck. I was looking up at Gamma Cygni when I saw a meteorite coming what I could only assume was straight at me. I died."

"You only thought you died. There isn't a mark on you."

"That's because the woman who was in the meteorite brought me back to life. That sounds crazy, doesn't it?"

"What's Gamma Cygni, by the way?"

"Central star in the Cygnus constellation."

"I shoulda guessed you were an astrologer."

"Astronomer, but I can see how you'd be confused. What girl would ever be a scientist?"

"I didn't mean it that way," he said blushing.

I huffed a bit and looked away from him. I wanted to turn my back on him, but I was strapped down to the board and my neck was immobilized. "Would you mind getting off this thing?" I asked sweetly.

"Sorry, I have to let the doctor check you out first."

"You've done quite enough of that," I said looking back at him. He's blushing again. It's kind of cute. Slapping myself for thinking another guy is cute is unfortunately out of the question right now. I'm completely strapped down.

"So, you're into the whole bondage thing," it's not a question. If I have to stay locked her for the next little while, I'm going to push as many of his buttons as I can.

"Only for you," he says. There's a bit of a promise in there, and a hunger that sets my heart beating faster than I'm comfortable with. His mouth is slightly parted and I wonder what his tongue tastes like.

I growl in frustration. "I'm not attracted to you." I think both of us know it's a lie.

"And I'm not supposed to flirt with patients."

"I am so not flirting with you. I can't be flirting with you. You'd know if I was flirting with you."

"Oh, I know."

I screamed a little in frustration. "You are the most frustrating man I've ever known, you know that?"

"You must not have known many men."

"I went to an all-boys prep school. I hated half of my graduating class."

"I'd have thought you'd stick out there."

"I did, but not for the reasons you're thinking."

"Oh, and what am I thinking?"

"That I'm a little insane. I knew I shouldn't have told you about the alien, well she said she was an alien."

"Oh, now it's female aliens is it? Not fairies?""

"Look, okay, I was looking at the starts and singing 'When you wish upon a star,'"

"You do that too?"

"Yeah, I did a little too much D growing up."

He laughed at my pitiful attempt at humor. I'd have liked to get to know him under different circumstances. We could have been friends.

"So, I'm looking up at Gamma Cygni and movement attracts my attention. The meteorite passes right through me, and I think for a moment that I'm perfectly fine, but lo and behold, my corpse is lying at my feet."

"There wasn't a body there, Aurora."

"Wha…oh, sleeping beauty, right. You did a little too much D as a kid too, didn't you? Nevermind. I'm getting to that. So, I turn and there's this woman who's glowing blue."

"I thought you just said you were dead."

"Out of body experience, a duh."

He snickered at me and I smiled.

"So, she tells me she wanted to be a mother and that she could bring me back. I'm thinking I get to be a guy again so I take her up on the offer. I wake up in your arms…" I stopped there because I was blushing up a storm. This is crazy. How can a man affect me like this when a woman never could?

"You're serious about all of this, aren't you?"

"Well, if you were part of my family, I'd tell you something only one of them knew."

"You know that doesn't work, right?"

"What?"

"Con men have been pulling games like that for years. They pretend to know something that only the two of them knew. They take cues from their target and invent a story on the spot that has enough facts to make the person believe that it's something they remember."

"That works?"

"You wouldn't believe how often. I can suggest an alternative, though."

"What's that?"

"A poly-graph."

"What does that prove? If I'm insane then a polygraph would just agree with my delusion."

"How about an eye movement test?"

"Eye movement?"

"Yeah. It's a cognitive awareness test that checks for dilation and other movement of the eye. It's based upon…but if you're telling what you believe to be the truth…"

"No, you might be onto something there. Get my family, friends and colleagues together and they can provide questions and answers that I can be posed. The eye movement test is computer based, isn't it?"

"Yeah. It's supposed to eliminate all the other factors that could cause eye movement changes."

I lay back and closed my eyes. This was going to be difficult. It made me wish that my new mom had been a little more forthcoming about what she was doing, but I had been reborn. I was a completely new person today..

I looked back up into those beautiful eyes after a moment or two. "What's your name?"

"Jaden."

"Mitch," I said, "I'd shake your hand, but it's sort of tied down right now."

"You don't really look like a Mitch, you know."

"Well, without a mirror I have no idea what I look like."

"Beautiful," he said with a little smile.

"That's not really very professional, Mr. EMT Jaden."

"No, it's not. Sorry."

He sat up at that point. I didn’t know why I suddenly felt colder. He must have noticed the frown on my face because he chose that moment to smile down at me. "Look, you're probably just grateful that I'm helping you. It's normal."

"I'm not into guys. There's nothing normal about this."

"You're a lesbian," he said somewhat surprised.

"No, I'm a guy…well I used to be a guy. And I'm not gay, well I don't think I am…I'm confused. You do have really pretty eyes…"

I shut up then and looked away from him. I was saying the strangest things. Sure, I was thinking them, but they weren't what I would normally think, were they?

I closed my eyes so I didn't have to see him smirking at me. Sure, I spent a lot of time at the gym, and I looked at the other guys, but I'd never actually become aroused by them. And it's not like thinking of penises got me interested in sex…

I felt an emptiness in my stomach and a slight dampness in my crotch. I could feel my heartbeat begin to increase. My breathing became shallow. I could almost see Jaden disrobing in front of me in my own private strip show.

I knew exactly how he would look, a slight smile on his lips as he gazed into my eyes. It suddenly occurred to me why women were interested in guys in uniform. It wasn't the uniform that interested them…that interested me. It was the guy inside that uniform and what it represented. Guys in uniform represent the best of the male gender. They sacrifice their own comfort for that of the rest of society. They risk their lives for the rest of us. They save us from ourselves.

Jaden was right, to a certain degree. He was turning be on because of what he was, not who he was. It was in that moment that I realized, guy or not, I really was interested in guys. I think, deep down, I'd known I always had been. Did Blue know something about me that I never had?

I began to cry a bit, still keeping my eyes closed. I felt something soft brushing against my face. My eyes opened with a start and I watched as a concerned Jaden wiped my tears with a bit of gauze.

"Are you in any pain?"

I tried to shake my head, but forgot that it was restrained. "I'm fine, just realizing some things about myself. Apparently I'm gay."

"Oh, really?" he said chuckling.

"Shut up, you. I used to work out a lot. I mean a ridiculous amount, and I spent a good portion of the time I worked out guy watching. You know, checking out their muscles in relation to my own. I just didn't realize that it gave me a little thrill to watch how their muscles moved until right this moment when I really began to examine it."

"Oh, so you like to watch guys work out, huh?"

I nodded as much as the neck brace would let me. "I'd love to see you work out some time. Maybe you could spot me…I did not just think that." I said blushing. I'd just imagined him sweating, naked, on top of me. There would be silk sheets behind my back that I'd slide across with each…my heart was racing again.

"As your paramedic, I have to say that a racing heart is probably contraindicated right now."

For the first time I realized I was hooked up to a heart monitor and I blushed again. "I'm going to die, right here."

"No, you've got a strong heartbeat and a healthy glow in your cheeks."

"I meant of embarrassment, Mr. know-it-all."

"I know for a fact it's not possible to die of embarrassment."

I couldn't help it; I laughed.

"You seem more like a Lilly to me."

"Why?" I said looking at him with a question in my eyes.

"Because you are as beautiful as a delicate flower."

"Is that a pickup line? Really, Mr. Stand-up-comedian?"

"Yes, Ms. Thousand-names."

"Mr. Too-true-blue-eyes."

"You really like to look at my eyes, don't you?"

"Yes, Mr. Overdeveloped-sense-of-self."

"Now you're just getting mean."

I smiled at him and then just looked around at the ceiling while we continued to drive to the emergency room. There is a lot more going on, on the ceiling of an ambulance than you'd think. There are numerous cabinets and hatches and such in view. Also, there is something relaxing about watching the light move across the white and silver ceiling.

They came to a complete stop and turned off the siren. The doors opened and they pulled me quickly out of the ambulance into the hospital emergency room. "Twenty-four year old female presented with disorientation and loss of consciousness at the site of a meteorite impact."

"Seriously? Meteorite impact?"

"When I saw her shirt, I almost thought she might actually have been hit by a meteor"

"Meteorite, Jaden. Meteorite." I said.

"She seems lucid enough."

Some alarms went off in the room and they got a little agitated. I didn't know what was going on so I stayed quiet as they began moving things more quickly. They wheeled me into the back and checked me out. They removed my clothing from me and put me into a gown. Then they ran a Geiger counter across me and my clothing. My chest and shirt seemed to be more highly radioactive than anything else, but I was considerably more lit than the surrounding atmosphere.

They wheeled me into a shower and scrubbed me down. I could tell before they started that my skin was more sensitive and they weren't at all gentle with their ministrations. I instinctively tried to cover up to maintain at least some small part of my modesty.

Then I was back into my gown and I was back in bed in my room.

Jaden had gone as soon as he dropped me off in the ER and I really thought that would be the last I saw of him. I had no insurance that people would accept as being mine, no name, no money, and a hospital bill that would be steadily increasing the longer I stayed put. That being said, I couldn't being myself to get out of that bed. It was relatively comfortable, and they wanted to run tests on me to make sure that the radiation I'd acquired hadn't done any permanent damage.

They'd burned my clothing in the incinerator downstairs and then put the ashes with the rest of the radioactive waste that any middle to large hospital generates on a daily basis.

It had been about one in the morning when I'd died, the EMTs found me some time after dawn. Now, after all their tests were done, for the time being at least, I was left alone in the middle of the day with nothing to do. I'd never been much for daytime television, and my family didn't even know to mourn me…or that I was in the hospital.

There was a knock at the door and a civilian clothed Jaden walked in. I hated the way my body heated when he came into the room, or the fact that his smile made my heart skip a beat.

I wasn't going to be one of those girls.

And just like that I realized that I'd accepted that I was a girl. Whether or not this had something to do with Blue didn't really matter. I'd accepted all that had happened to me, and I was going to make the most of it.

"You just have an epiphany?"

"Something like that. I thought it was unprofessional to spend time with your patients."

"Former patient. I'm off the clock now, aren't I? And you're in the hands of the doctors now."

"So."

"Ok, I'll leave if you want me to. I just thought I'd check up on you and make sure you were okay. The nurses mentioned to me you didn't leave any next of kin. Is it because of what we discussed on my rig?"

"I thought you were going to leave…"

He actually turned around to walk out of the room so I called out, "Wait. Sorry. I'm really not used to this."

"Used to what?"

"Flirting with a guy. I know how to do all of this with girls, and it didn't help…how I looked. I'm just new to all this."

"So, you were flirting with me?"

"Yes, and I liked it when you flirted back…at least I think you were flirting."

"Yes, Jaden is a flirt. How are you, Mitch?" A doctor I'd known my entire life walked into the room.

"Doctor Lewis? You believe me?"

"Well, I'm not sure I'd go so far as believe, but I'm willing to put it to the test that Jaden mentioned earlier to me."

"You've been talking about me?" I wasn't sure if I were angry, relieved or turned on by his take charge attitude. I could tell that any relationship that I initiated with Jaden would be tempestuous. Both of us were take charge types. I stopped and wondered for a moment what the sex would be like. The thought caused me to blush.

"I talked to the ER doc about you, Dr. Lewis over heard me mention your name and he wanted to see if you recognized him."

"It doesn't conclusively prove anything, but I figured it would be an easy way to disprove your claim if you didn't recognize me."

"After six broken bones and countless cuts and scrapes how could I not remember you?"

"Five broken bones," he said with a slight frown.

"Now, I broke my right arm twice in one summer. I wasn't out of the cast for more than six hours when I broke it again. You prescribed calcium pills to try to aid in recovery thinking I might have a deficiency that caused the break in the first place. I'll never forget the chalk-latey taste of those things," I made a face at the memory.

"Wow, I'd completely forgotten that. You're right."

The doctor checked my vitals, again, and then left.

"So, that proved it, right?"

"Nope."

"But…"

"See, my dad was a world class con artist. I watched him work people for everything from free meals to driving cars off the lot with dealer plates on them. Some pretty expensive cars too. That little stunt you pulled could easily have been the work of an expert liar covering their tracks. You supplied enough personal detail to make him question his own memory, but not so much that he decided you were making things up."

"My medical records will support what I just said."

"I'm sure they will, and I never said that I don't believe you."

"You..he...argh!"

"All I said was that didn't prove anything. You could have read Mitch's medical records. It doesn't hurt that you're gorgeous. People are more likely to believe a pretty person who lies to them than an ugly one."

"I'm not lying!" I was really starting to get agitated at this point, and he could see it.

"For some reason, I think you might actually be telling the truth."

I blinked and my mouth dropped open. "You do?"

"Yes. I've watched you. I see how agitated it makes you when someone calls you a liar, even obliquely. My dad? He'd just invent a new lie, one he figured had a better chance of being accepted. You, on the other hand just stick to your guns, insisting it's the rest of the world that's wrong. I kind of admire that.

He'd been walking closer as he spoke, and I felt my temperature rise and my heart-rate increase. The same empty feeling in the pit of my stomach was there along with the dampness. I thought he was going to kiss me. I wanted him to kiss me. He was standing next to my bed, and I put my hand on his arm in preparation to pull him in closer.

His eyes locked on mine and I saw something terrifying and thrilling in his eyes. I saw a need that echoed my own and made me want to kiss him even more.

Someone cleared their voice loudly at the door. I blushed and finally looked away from Jaden as if I'd been released from a magnetic pull. Jaden chuckled when he saw who it was.

"Lilly, this is my partner Bruce."

"Partner?" I looked at the figure in the doorway. A very tall black man stood there for a moment before stooping a bit to get through the doorway. If this hadn't been an extra wide hospital doorway it's likely he'd have to turn sideways to get through.

"On the rig," Jaden said with a laugh at the slight frown that had formed on my face.

"Huh? Oh, no. I know him from somewhere. I just can't quite place him."

"No one ever forgets Bruce," said the man in a deep rumbling bass voice.

"You work out in the gym on Fifth and Columbine, don't you?"

"Yeah, well I used to. I haven't been there in about six months…"

"Since you broke the Nautilus," I said with a little giggle.

"I know I never saw you there, you would have stuck out like a sore thumb."

'Guys' is a gym that for some unknown reason to me doesn't allow any women a membership. Then it suddenly dawned on me looking at the way Bruce was dressed. It was a gay gym. How could I have worked out there for over three years and never realized it.

I blushed again.

"I was called Mitch O'Connell last time I would have seen you."

"Mitch the Bitch?" Bruce said his eyes opening up wide.

"What?"

"The other guys had a nickname for you. You obviously enjoyed the scenery, but you never gave any of the guys the time of day."

"I didn't realize until just now that it was that type of establishment, okay? I didn't even realize how attracted to guys I was until all this happened," I said gesturing at myself.

"Oh, I have to share this with the guys at the gym. You were really that naíve?"

I just nodded mutely.

"Girl, I think that for you we might make an exception and let you keep your membership."

"You still have one after the incident"

Bruce just laughed, "Now I know you're Mitch, or he was a lot more open with you than anyone else would be. I haven't told anyone what happened."

I started laughing just remembering it. Jaden looked a little lost. I patted him on the arm in commiseration. "You seriously missed something. It all started with a bottle of lube that Bruce forgot was in his pocket."

"How did you know it was lube," Bruce asked.

"I've purchased that brand before. It has a distinctive smell to it. So, he sits down…"

Bruce rushed over and put his hand over my mouth. I licked his hand with a playful look in my eye.

"Girl, if I wasn't completely into my boyfriend you might just tempt me to go straight."

I smirked at him under his hand and began nibbling. He pulled his hand away with a little curse and I blew him a kiss. "This girl is evil," he said with a grin.

"I wonder if she'd give me the same courtesy," Jaden said and put a finger on my lips. I just quirked an eyebrow and grinned up at him. Eventually he removed it, but the place where it had been burned a bit. Not in a painful way, but more…like I wanted him to touch me like that everywhere.

I looked over at Bruce and said, "You mind going out and closing the door?"

They both laughed at me and I smiled.

It wasn't really a joke, but I was glad that they took it as such. It hit me that I was really interested in sex right now. Possibly a little more than was healthy for me. When Bruce and Jaden finally left I got up and got a cold shower just to calm the hormones a bit. It didn't work perfectly, but it worked, and that was all that mattered at the moment.

Into every life a little star must fall...

From the Author: Yes, you have likely read this already. This is a repost of chapter two in preparation of continuing this story.

I awoke to the quiet sounds of a sleeping hospital. Sure, there are still people moving around, but the constant pages for this or that doctor, the sounds of doors opening and closing, and the sundry other noises of a living building are absent. Lights are off. People talk in hushed whispers. I was immediately bored out of my mind.

My entire life I'd been one of those people who had to be doing something. Even when I was staring up at the stars I was deciding which one I'd look for intelligent life on. Yeah, I'd wanted to work with SETI for a while, but mostly when I did work in my field I was looking for planets in the so called 'Goldilocks Zone'.

It was my specialty. Unfortunately I picked stars that other people had already found planets on. Thing is, I found planets on every star that I looked for them on.

One of these days I was going to find a new planet and then watch out world, there was going to be a planet Mitch out there.

Well, I used to think that. Now? I didn't even have a degree in my name. I no longer was an astronomer. That hurt. It was the only thing that I really wanted. The only thing I'd ever wanted. I got out of bed and went over to the window. Only the brightest of stars was visible in the night sky. I could name most of those I saw.

It was my passion, remember.

I spent that night saying goodbye to all my friends. They were my best friends growing up. All; the nights I spent in the boy scouts were spent looking up at the stars. I learned the constellations so that I could remember which stars were mine, which I'd lay claim to.

I fell asleep counting the stars and wishing them well on their trip through the universe.

My back ached. I could feel strong hands rubbing my shoulders and smoothing the tight muscles in my back and I stretched into those hands. Then I remembered the events of the previous day and I stood up and turned around.

"Good morning, Lilly."

"My name isn't Lilly, Jaden."

"Ok, then how about Rose." I wrinkled my nose and just shook my head at him. He laughed and I couldn't help giggling a little. His laugh was infectious.

"So, who is Mr. Has-a-thousand-names now?"

"I looked up girl names with flower meanings last night."

"Seriously?"

"Yep. I had to find the perfect name for you. I did say you were as beautiful as a flower, didn't I?"

"Yes, you did say. Why can't you just call me Mitch?"

"Because I really don't see you as a Mitch. You might have been born Mitch, but you're not a boy any more. You need a better name."

"Flora, then."

"Oh, a goddess and a flower, I can handle that."

"Wait a minute, I didn't mean…"

"Too late, I'm going to go get your records here changed now…Flora."

I wanted to grumble, but it was really hard for me to stay angry with Jaden. He seemed so full of life, and he made me want to let go of the little things.

Dr. Lewis came in just as Jaden left, making it impossible for me to actually stop him from having his way with my records.

"It looks like you're feeling better."

"I wasn't feeling bad yesterday, Dr. Lewis. You were the one who wanted me to stay over night, remember?"

"I did that, didn't I? I've spoken with Mitch's parents. They're willing to participate in Jaden's test. I haven't told them about you yet. I'm still of two minds about the whole thing."

"I want to reclaim my life, at least some of it. I want to see my parents again and have some sort of relationship with them."

"Let's just get through the test first, shall we? They'll collect all of the information for me, and I'll be creating the true false answers that the computer will be using."

I nodded and smiled. That was something, at least.

"I also got your professors in on it…I mean Mitch's professors. They'll be providing knowledge based questions and what history they know."

"I have a feeling that this is going to be one big test."

"I fully expect there to be somewhere around a thousand questions when we're done."

I took a deep breath and let it out again. "So, what's on the schedule for me today, Doctor?"

"We're going to have you in for a full body MRI."

"Well, let's get to it then," I said with a smile.

He went to the nurse's station and got me a wheel chair, which I sat in and he raced me down the hall like we were children. I'd always liked that about Dr. Lewis. He loved to have fun, and even if he was in his seventies now, I couldn't see him retiring to the quiet life.

We got to the room and he had me lie down on the table before giving me the ear plugs. I was happy that I didn't suffer from claustrophobia because the machine was tight, or at least felt tight to me. I was in there a little while before the boredom set in.

I did my best not to fidget, but it didn't make it really any fun. I began to hum some of my favorite songs and that seemed to keep me occupied because the next thing I was really aware of was that I was being pulled out of the machine and Dr. Lewis was helping me back into the chair for the return trip.

Somehow the gown had slipped up while I was getting into the chair because the air caught it and tried to wrap the gown around my neck. I held it down as I really was wearing nothing under it and didn't want to show the world my girly bits before Jaden had a chance to give me a thorough physical examination.

That thought alone made me feel like slapping myself, but it made the smile on my face even bigger that in was just from Dr. Lewis' antics. I felt younger, somehow, that I had just a couple of days before. Not that I had more energy or anything like that. More like I felt that all my worries had left me behind. I felt free.

It's not like I didn't have any worries. It was more like I felt that the world before had been inexplicably wrong and now it was inexplicably right.

Dr. Lewis deposited me in the room I'd come to feel was mine and went off to try to decipher the MRI that he'd taken of me. Jaden was gone when we returned so I lay myself down in the bed. "How's the sickie?"

"Princess Bride? Really? Do I look like a ten year old Fred Savage to you?"

"Nah, but I couldn't resist the jab."

"So, what are you up to now, Jaden?"

"I thought we'd go for a walk."

"Not while I'm stuck in this," I gestured at the clothing I was wearing.

"Not to worry. I've got some yoga pants, a tank top and sundry foundation garments."

"Do I want to ask?"

"Ask what?"

I just glared at him with an upraised eyebrow.

"Oh, the clothing. Well, I described you to my sister and she suggested the top and pants. She also suggested I bring a variety of bras and panties since I didn't know your actual sizes."

"I don't even know my sizes," I said with a little grin. He deposited the clothing on my bed and then stood back.

"You mind?" I gestured for him to leave.

"Oh, sorry."

"Close the door please, Jaden."

He complied and I quickly sorted through the plain white cotton undergarments until I found some in my size. It took a little trial and error, but eventually I found some that covered me and hugged me in all the right places. There is something about going commando that has always bothered me, and finally being in some well fitting undergarments brought that feeling to my attention with its absence. The loose garment I'd been wearing hadn't abraded my breasts at all, but now having them properly supported was like heaven. I felt dressed even though I was only wearing my undergarments. For the first time I think I really understood how women could wear a bikini and not feel self conscious. Sure, some of them felt that way, I'm sure, but I could envision myself wearing a pair without any real worries.

It was almost anticlimactic slipping into the tank and pants after putting on the underwear. I didn't feel any more dressed, and to a certain extent I felt more exposed wearing those pieces.

I don't know how to explain it, but it was like they were designed to feel like they wouldn't impede any of my movement. Not that they actually impeded movement, but they felt barely there to me. It might also have been my mind expecting the heavy weight of male clothing. The simple scraps that form women's clothing is insubstantial in comparison.

I walked over to the door and opened it. Jaden fell in on top of me so I took the opportunity to wrap my arms around him and explore his stomach a little.

"Hey," I said with a purr.

"Hey yourself," he replied. He slowly extricated himself from my embrace and turned me around to get a good look at me.

"Very nice, Flora."

"You're going to keep that one, aren't you?"

"You suggested it, goddess."

I grumbled a little, but I was grinning at him while I did it. Truth be told I kind of liked the name Flora. It was almost exotic at the same time as being common. I can't explain it. It just felt like it had always been meant to be my name.

"I want to show you something."

He took me to the roof of the hospital where I fully expected the helicopter pad. What I didn't expect was what else occupied the roof. There was a large glass and plastic greenhouse occupying the greater portion of the roof, out of line with the direct access from the helicopter pad itself.

"What is this?"

"This, my darling flora, is the rooftop garden. A doctor a few years ago started it as a hobby to keep him sane and since then we've sort of added to it."

"The doctors and EMS and everyone?"

"Pretty much. Only those of us who like gardening pitch in."

We walked into the greenhouse and the wind cut off immediately. I'd been a little cold in just my exercise gear, but inside the hothouse it was a different matter. It was warm and I was glad for the loose light clothing that Jaden had brought for me.

I walked through the eclectic gathering of plants until I found a bed devoted entirely to lilies. "This one is you, isn't it?"

"Why would you say that?"

"Of all the flower names you could have picked out, it was Lilly first."

"Yes, I like growing flowers."

"You know I don't belong to you, right?"

"Yeah, but if I'm really careful and take proper care of you I might be able to spend a lifetime with you."

Out of nowhere tears erupted from my eyes. I turned away from him so he wouldn't see. They were happy tears full of gooey goodness at the sappy line he'd fed me. It was only made better because I could tell he sincerely meant it.

"I hardly know you, Jaden."

"Well, I didn't propose to you, Flora, I only said I was willing to build a relationship with you. Relationships are a lot like growing flowers. They're beautiful from afar, but you fail to realize how much work the perfect flower takes to grow properly."

"So, they're like pretty little bonsai trees are they?"

"They can be. More, though, they're flowers, delicate and beautiful. I love the perennials personally. They seem to die, but they're just restoring their strength to come back into full bloom in the spring. They never disappear completely; they just hide for a while."

We wandered around the greenhouse looking at the flowers and vegetables that the other patrons had planted and tended here. The variety spoke something about the doctors of this hospital. The flowers that Jaden planted spoke something to my very soul.

"Thank you for showing me this."

"You're always welcome, Flora. So, think you might like to spend another day with me sometime?"

"Maybe," I said with what I assumed was a coquettish smile.

"Well, I'll take a maybe from the beautiful girl I just met yesterday."

We walked back to the stairs and he put an arm around my shoulders to protect me a little from the wind until we got inside. I leaned my head into his shoulder. How many minutes is too soon to decide that you really like someone? How many minutes before you can allow yourself to admit that you love them?

Dates are mere moments in time separated by our normal lives. What is a good date? Two or three hours at most?

I had spent so many more hours than that already with this man. I'd definitely be in the third date category at the very least. Was that soon enough to really be falling for him?

I felt I needed time to process the feelings that he awoke in my chest. He brought me to my room and helped me into bed.

"Good night, Jaden. See you tomorrow?"

"Sure, I think I can manage that."

"When do you work?"

"I'm a night shift guy. The owls and I own this city."

"When do you sleep?" I said, suddenly worried for his health.

"I get enough sleep, Flora. You only let me stay for about eight hours a day. A nice nap before and after and I'm good for a full shift. Besides, thoughts of you keep me going."

"You need to get more sleep, Jaden. You can't ruin your health on my account. I'm hardly worth it."

"You're worth it and more, Flora. Trust me on this one."

I blushed but I couldn't help feeling that in some way he was being unfair to himself, and in extension me, by burning the candle at both ends.

I stared out the window at the sky as the sun slowly creeped toward the horizon and slipped to bed. I should be tired, but I greeted my friends as they appeared one by one and bid them all a good morning. I was asleep long before Cygnus graced the sky.

The sunlight streaming in through my window woke me up much earlier than I'd normally enjoy. That was one of the downsides to having a room on the south side of the building; the sun was able to get to you no matter what time of day it was.

The upside was the cheery glow that the sun added to the room. "That's something I could get used to," I said to the empty space around me.

"What is," Jaden said from the doorway.

"Hey, Jaden. Did I ever mention how much I like to see you in uniform?"

"I had a drop-off and wanted to see how you were doing."

I had to laugh at that. "You just saw me."

"I can never see enough of you, Flora."

I blushed and put my hand to my chest. My heart was racing again. "Down girl," I almost whispered to myself. It was something I could handle, this new libido of mine that wasn't really that much different than the old one. There were different triggers, sure, but it's not like I walked around screwing everything while I was a man, and I was damned if I would let this rule my life as a woman.

People talk about men thinking about sex all the time. From my experience it wasn't all the time, just anytime there was a pretty woman in the room, and in my case a good looking guy. You consider what it would be like undressing them, seeing the lust growing in their eyes. You think about how it would be.

It seemed, to me at least, that with women at takes the right person to get you there. And it's not how they look, although that doesn't hurt, but more who they are.

Maybe that's why men's fashions are so staid while women's are so varied?

Men don't need to look good to get the woman. I mean sure, if they're just dirty and smelly that's got a be a turn off, but as long as they act the part, and look halfway decent, we'll overlook everything else.

A woman is on sale the whole time from makeup to perfume to clothing. They have to show just the right amount of skin for their body, have the perfect scent, and show just the right amount of beauty. And don't forget the heels to improve their 'muscle tone'.

"You look pensive."

"Sorry, I'm having an internal monologue about the differences in male and female sexuality while watching you fidget deliciously in that tight uniform."

"You know how to make a man feel like a piece of meat."

I laughed with him as he crossed the room.

"Aren't you supposed to be on the clock?"

"Sure, which is why I thought I'd check your vitals while I'm here."

"Oh no you don't, Mr. I'm-an-EMT-not-a-doctor."

"You know you'd love to have me check you out."

"There is no way in hell I'm having sex my first time in a semi-private room in a hospital bed as grungy as I feel right now."

"I thought you weren't a girl?"

I swat his arm, realizing even as I do it how girly a move that is.

"No, I'm not a girl. I'm a woman. I'm twenty-four years old. Doesn't mean I can't feel nasty with…too much information for you. Regardless I know intimately what it feels like now to just feel dirty. Yes, I showered, but this is the same set of clothing that I wore yesterday…which I just slept in. Same underwear too."

"Well, I'll have to get you some more clothing now, won't I?"

"You can't just keep buying me things."

"I want to buy you things, and if they're useful, then all the better."

"Look who's Mr. Practical."

"Are you ever going to get tired of that?"

"You ever going to get tired of calling me Flora?"

"Never," he said as he gazed into my eyes. I broke the connection to prevent what I knew was coming next.

"Oh, you're good," I said with a smile. I just giggled at his confused look. "And you don't even know you're doing it, do you?"

"Doing what?"

"You are the sexiest, most romantic guy I've ever known, and all this is just natural you, isn't it?"

"I guess…" he said, even more confused.

"Don't worry about it, Jaden. It's a good thing. Please don't ever change. No matter how much I might beg you later, stay this guy forever."

"I'll try," he said, the smile coming back to his face.

"Now, get back to work. You shouldn't lose your job on my account."

I put a finger to my lips after he'd left, wondering what it would be like for him to kiss me. I'd kissed girls in the past. I knew how that felt. What would it be like to be the girl? To be kissed…

Jaden made me feel special. He made me feel loved in a way that no one ever had in my life.

The problem was that when I'd told him I was a virgin, I was telling the absolute truth. Sure, I'd gotten to second base with Katie back in high school, but that was it. I'd never gotten any further than that. Knowing what I know now I realize that I was trying to force something that just wasn't there.

Everything with Jaden was just so easy.

"How's the sickie?"

"Grandpa!"

Dr. Lewis laughed from the doorway, and I smiled over at him.

"So, I want to keep you here under observation for a couple more days."

"Is something wrong?"

"Well, mostly you're a very healthy young woman. The residual radiation from whatever happened to you seems to be localized around your heart, which is a little worrisome to me."

"Ok," I said. I wanted to get out of this room, or at the very least get something to do. I was sure I'd now lost my job at the restaurant, but hopefully I could at least find work doing something, and if I could get back into school…

"We have your test scheduled for ten this morning."

"Test?"

"To see if you're Mitch."

"Oh!" Somehow in my growing interest in Jaden the test I'd requested had slipped my mind. It felt like weeks had passed since I got here, not just days.

"I'll let you clean up before I take you down there. I like your outfit by the way."

"Jaden got it for me," I said with a contented smile on my face.

"I'll have to talk to that young man…"

"Wait," I said, getting a little scared, "He's not going to get in trouble, is he?"

"He should get in trouble. He knows the rules."

"Then he didn't get me this outfit. And I'm not seeing him. Please, you can't blame Jaden for this. I like him. I like spending time with him. It's the only thing that's keeping me from going out of my head with boredom right now."

"He knows he's not supposed to proposition the patients."

"If anything I propositioned him, Dr. Lewis."

"It's not really a policy anyway. One of his former patients accused him of impropriety. That's the reason he lost his medical license."

"He was a doctor?"

"He still is. He's just on probation right now. I was worried that he might be repeating past mistakes. He's always been very friendly with the ladies, although I don't think it ever progresses beyond a little flirting."

"Oh," I said watching my world go down in flames with those few simple words.

"So, you're test?"

"Let me get ready. You can take me down around 9:30?"

"I'll be here."

Dr. Lewis' words echoed through my head. Was that it? Was Jaden just friendly? Spending more than twelve hours with me over two days could be more than just friendly…but it could be that he's just a really good guy. He knew that I had no one else, and he knew I was stuck in the hospital for the time being, but could it be more than that?

Sure, he'd held me on our way to the stairs the night before, but could that have been nothing more than concern for my well being?

This was so confusing. I didn't know how to deal with this apparent rejection. I'd hoped that now that I was being true to myself that all my relationship woes would go away. Intellectually I knew that couldn't be the case, but I hoped it might be. But here I was, once again, being rejected.

It hurt. It really hurt. I held myself and cried in the shower as the warm water pelted me from above. I stayed there until the water grew cold and then hopped out and got back into the grungy clothing I had to wear.

Dr. Lewis appeared promptly at 9:30 with a wheelchair and we again raced down the corridors. Without the gown to expose me to the world I felt a lot more comfortable just enjoying the experience. My hair whipped around in the wind of our passage. I giggled the entire way.

We stopped in front of a door and Dr. Lewis helped me to my feet. "It's right in here, dear. Just look toward the screen. We've got a number of cameras trained on where your eyes should be. This test is timed, of course. Just answer each question as truthfully and quickly as you can."

I sat down at the terminal. There was a mouse to click on the answers and there was a single question on the screen. 'Are you ready to begin?' Below the question were three large buttons. The first said 'yes', the second said 'no' and the third said 'I don't know'.

I figured that this would be representative of the rest of the test and was giving me a chance to start the timer when I was ready. I was right. The questions were mostly short. Some had strange wording.

There were questions about where I grew up, who my first crush was, my GPA in high school, 3.5 by the way, not the 3.2 the test stated, and many, many, other things.

They even got into true false questions about my college years, both personal and academic life.

I had to answer some of the questions 'I don't know.'

It's funny the things that people think you should remember but they were never important enough to you to make a lasting impression.

I tried to answer each question truthfully, even the ones that were embarrassing. I finished the test with a single question that struck me strangely when I'd gotten to it.

'Are you Mitch O'Connell?"

Without hesitation I clicked on 'I don't know.'

I'd been Mitch before all of this happened. I was a valet at a local restaurant. I was becoming increasingly fed up with the dating scene. I was trying to keep my love of the stars alive and find that perfect someone at the same time and failing at both.

I'd been in a downward spiral with my life careening out of control.

Now, however, I had hope. Sure, I didn't look like Mitch, and I certainly didn't feel like Mitch.

Those minutes I'd spent dead had changed me into the woman who now sat there and stared at the question that could have easily proven to them I was the person I claimed. Unfortunately for me, I was beginning to realize I might not be that person any more.

Into every life a little star must fall...

"If it wasn't going to matter anyway, why did you convince me to take that test?" I screamed at the window. Really I was screaming at my parents who were having a heated discussion in the parking lot. They couldn't hear me. Jaden could, and partially it was him I was mad at. Livid is closer to the truth.

"If I remember correctly, you didn't need much convincing."

"Not helping."

He walked up behind me and hugged me from behind. I lay my head back on his shoulder and half whispered, "This isn't really helping either, Jaden."

"Yeah, but it feels nice, doesn't it?"

I remembered what Dr. Lewis said at that point and I pushed away from him. "That reminds me, I'm pissed at you for a completely different reason. What's this I hear about you being a doctor?"

"Well, I am…" he said and petered off.

"Under probation and what does that have to do with anything?"

"Oh, nothing except you temporarily lost your license because of a problem with a pretty female patient. Sound familiar?"

"it's not what you think…"

"You didn't flirt with a patient and get into a relationship with her and then she reported you when there was a problem?"

"Ok, so it's exactly what you think…but not what you think."

"Ok…so…what?"

"I flirt with my patients. It tends to make them comfortable. I never really mean anything by it."

"You don't," I said, a frown appearing on my features.

"Ok, I usually don't mean anything by it. It started out normal flirting with you, but there's something different about you. Sorry, this isn't what I want to say. She gave me her number and I made the mistake of tossing it in the trash as I was walking out the door."

"You did what?" I said laughing. Even I knew that was something stupid for him to have done.

"I know. How could I have been that stupid? I'd just gotten a code on a patient and I was rushing out the door to save a life."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh. Look, I shouldn't have done it. I should have been more…distant…but it's not me. Now, as an EMT, I only have to see them for a few minutes. It works out best for everyone."

"You could always wear a wedding band." I only realized what that could sound like after I said it and blushed.

"Only if you have a matching one," he said with a grin. I began smiling at him and then frowned.

"You sidetracked me. I'm still pissed about that test. What was the point?" I looked out the window. My parents were still arguing. My mom looked up at the building and saw me. She waved. I waved back halfheartedly.

"That was the point. You're dad might not be there, but you're mom wants to believe."

"What if I don't believe anymore?"

I turned around and looked up at him. I wanted him to tell me it was all going to be alright. At the same time I wanted him to tell me it never was alright. "Why can't life be simple?"

"Because then humanity wouldn't exist. We complicate things for the fun of it. What do you mean you don't believe anymore?"

"Oh, I'm sure I used to be Mitch. The thing is, I'm not Mitch anymore. I ceased to be Mitch the second I died. I'm a person who just happens to share twenty-four years of memory with Mitch. I'm Flora O'Connell."

"You know, that's missing something, don't you?"

"What?"

"Your name. I still prefer Lilly."

"Ok, Mr. I'm-calling-you-lilly-no-matter-what-you-want. That's enough of the changing my name game."

"You're not stopping."

"My rules, I can break them if I want."

"Oh, really."

"Yes, really."

"Fine, Lilly Evangeline Flora O'Connell."

I blinked at him a couple of times. "Where did Evangeline come from?"

"Well, Lilly Flora doesn't seem to work and Flora Lilly is even worse. It needed something fitting to separate the two."

"So, you decided to give me four names? And I said no more changing my name."

"No more, I promise, Lilly."

I made a face and stick out my tongue. He leaned in and kissed my tongue. I was so shocked that I just stared at him. That was the weirdest, hottest, weirdest thing I'd ever done with another human being. My heart raced and my chest felt tight. I just stood there, my arms at my side, doing my best to keep from throwing my arms around him and kissing him until he begged for mercy.

The moment passed and he just grinned at me.

"How's the Sickie."

"That's getting old, Dr. Lewis."

"Not for me. And the answers you come up with for it just keep me interested. Jaden," he said a little coldly.

"Dr. Lewis. I was just leaving."

"No, you weren't. Dr. Lewis. I want Jaden here. He's the closest thing I have to friends, family, or whatever."

"The closest thing, huh?"

"I can't exactly call you my boyfriend after only knowing you for three days can I?"

Both men's jaws dropped at my declaration. "Yes, I'm dating Jaden," I said to Dr. Lewis. "Yes, I really like you," I said to Jaden. He gave me a quick hug and went over to sit on the other side of the room.

"Well, that's…unexpected, especially considering your test results, Mitch."

"So, they came out conclusive?"

"Yes, not only didn’t you lie, but you got all the questions right."

"Excuse me? There were some in there that I couldn't remember. I answered 'I don't know' a lot of times."

"They were planted questions. "

"I said I didn't know if I was Mitch anymore."

"I figured that was how you were answering that question. You're academic advisor wants to speak to you before reinstating your degree, and we have to discuss changing your name, if you want to."

"Lilly Evangeline Flora O'Connell," Jaden said from the other side of the room.

"Not helping," I said in a singsong voice.

"That's a very pretty name," Dr. Lewis said almost at the same time and then laughed at my response. "Are you sure you haven't known each other for longer than three days?"

Jaden laughed and I blushed. "You be nice to my girl, Jaden." Dr. Lewis said as he left and I noticed tension drain out of Jaden.

"Wait. Dr. Lewis. How much longer do I need to stay here?"

"You should be able to get out of here tomorrow. You have an appointment with your advisor in the afternoon, so we'll try to get you out of here in the morning."

I nodded and sat down on the bed. Jaden came over and joined me.

"So, that seems to have worked out…"

"Mitch?"

"Mom?" I said, tears in my eyes. She held out her arms and I ran over and embrace her.

"I thought…"

"Your father is on the skeptical side, but you know that. I want to get to know my daughter."

"You know me, mom."

"I know. But the fact that you are so easy in your skin suggests there are things I didn't know." She looked significantly at Jaden. I had to smile.

"This is Jaden. He's the EMT who found me at the impact site. He saved my life."

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. O'Connell. Lilly," he said and nodded at me. I tensed minutely. I really didn't want him to go.

"Why don't you stay for a bit?" she said. "I'd like to get to know Lilly's boyfriend."

"Mom," I said blushing profusely.

"Only a boyfriend can affect a girl that intensely that they don't want him to leave."

I blushed harder and looked away from him, "I never said…"

"No, but you tensed. You're unsure of me, even if you're sure who you are, and he makes you feel safe. I get that. At the best of times your father makes me feel the same way. Even when I feel like killing him like right now."

I felt like my blush was never going away at this point. While I was still Mitch, mom was never this intense. She was never this open. This was probably the best thing to happen, this new relationship with my mom. I released my hold and she lets me go sit down on the bed.

"I prefer Flora, mom. Jaden just likes lilies. He even grows them."

"Well, an EMT and a florist."

"He's a doctor, actually. He's just doing a rotation as an EMT right now." I figured the whole story would complicate things, so I just left it at that.

"Well, three days as a girl and already landed a doctor. My Lilly always was an overachiever."

"Mom!"

"Don't you mom me. I changed your diapers young lady and you're not too old that I can't tease you about it."

I looked at her, exasperated at her behavior and she grins at me. You'd think she was a teenager from her behavior and not the sixty-year-old she really is.

"So, is your name Lilly now or Flora?"

"Apparently it's going to be Lilly Evangeline Flora O'Connell."

"At least until it becomes Lilly Evangeline Flora Pierce."

"Jaden"

"What no Mr. Cart-before-the-horse or something equally as charming?"

"You can't get exasperated with something charming, Mr. can't-keep-his-big-mouth-shut."

"You're engaged?"

"No, mom, but we certainly joke enough about it."

"How long have you two known each other?"

"Eighteen hours and about twenty minutes."

I looked over at him, shocked.

"I don't think he's going to forget any anniversaries."

I just nodded. There's nothing else I could say. He was perfect.

"Tell me now," I said, a concerned note in my voice, "you still live in your mother's basement."

"Nope, my mother is in the family home in Savannah."

"You don't sound like you're from the south."

"Nope, I don't like to sound like a Southern Gentleman." The last was said with the normal drawl I'd always associated with the south. I think he did it just to tease me.

"You're a serial killer."

"Not this week."

"Gay?"

"Hardly."

"Your teeth are fake?"

"Now you're just getting ridiculous."

"Come one, nobody's perfect. There has to be something wrong with you."

"I flirt with complete strangers," he said as he started to move closer to me.

"I'm fine with that," I said looking into his eyes.

"I'm frustrating every time I call you Lilly." He took a step closer to me.

I nodded, never once looking away. "I like when you call me Lilly even if I prefer Flora." I watched his kissable lips as he said his next statement.

"I work all night," He was close enough that I could feel the heat radiating from his body. My body answered by kicking the thermostat up a couple of notches.

"I'm an astronomer. So do I." I bit my lip. He's so close to me now.

He leaned in and almost whispered to me, "I'm impotent."

"Wait, what?"

"Kidding, I'm kidding."

I began beating him on the arm and my mom just laughed. "Not funny," I say with a smile.

"See, not perfect after all."

"Just where it counts," I muttered.

"I need to get some sleep. Are you going to be okay with your mom?"

"Yeah, I'll be fine."

"Night, Lilly. Night Mrs. O'Connell."

"Night, Prince Charming," mom said as he left the room. He laughed.

"I know, right?" I said seriously to my mom.

"You're always had a bit of a charmed life, haven't you?"

"I never found someone to share it with."

"That's because you were looking for it in the wrong place. If I were twenty years younger…" my mom said gazing off into space in the direction that Jaden left.

"Mom!"

"What? I can look, can't I? And he's pretty nice to look at."

I just nodded and sighed.

"They are showing Sleeping Beauty today and I was planning on watching that."

"That was your favorite movie growing up."

I was a bit confused, "No, it was Pinocchio."

"Oh, well, yes, when you realized you were stuck with what nature had given you, you went with Pinocchio, but you'd first fallen in love with the story of Sleeping Beauty. You told me that you hoped your prince charming would come someday and wake you like that. When I explained that you weren't a girl…you were heartbroken, that I can tell you."

"I don't remember that."

"We got you a copy of Pinocchio the next day. You calmed down and started living life again. I was so worried before that thinking I'd done something wrong. Seeing you now, maybe I did."

I remembered seeing Pinocchio for the first time. I'd watched enraptured at the promise that she'd given little Pinocchio. I remembered looking up at the stars that first night, seeing the first star of the evening, which happened to be Gamma Cygnus I'd later discovered, and wishing…

"I wish I were a real girl."

"What was that honey?"

I began to cry a little, "Mom…I wished I were a real girl. Even years later, every time I looked up at the stars, I was wishing something that I couldn't remember. I'd wished for the longest time that I could be a girl when I was little. I forgot about that. How could I forget that, mom?"

"Because I'd told you it was impossible and you loved me enough to believe me. I'm so sorry, honey."

"It's not your fault, mom."

"Well, I feel it is, so let me wallow for a minute or two."

"Wallow away," I said with a regal gesture.

We giggled at that and turned on the TV to the right station. I spent the next little while living the story of Sleeping Beauty like I had as a little girl…before I realized I wasn't a girl at all.

After it was over I sat quietly in the bed for a moment or two. "Mom…you know Jaden woke me up. I was out cold and he woke me. Not with a kiss or anything, but he did bring me to life in a sense."

"He really is your prince charming, isn't he?"

"I think he is," I said shedding a few tears.

"Well, then we'll just have to see about reeling him in."

"Isn't it up to the guy to propose and all that?"

"Usually, it is. Society is changing a little, but even if it never really accepts us taking an active role the girl still holds all the power. We just have to teach you how a girl goes about letting a guy catch her. Though, from the way you two act around each other, I have to admit you're a bit of a natural in that arena."

I smiled and blushed at the same time.

We spent time talking about mother-daughter stuff, mostly all the stuff I had to look forward to in my new body. Some I could live with. Some, on the other hand I would have to live with. I wasn't too worried about it because mom never had nasty periods, or so it seemed to me. I might have just been oblivious to it all being a boy. Well, a child with a boy's body.

Whatever the case, I hope it won't be a big issue. It would just mean that I can have children. The thought gave me pause. Before that moment, I'd thought about fathering children, sure. I'd thought about what would be necessary for me. I liked the idea of children in the abstract. Well, I should say before this I liked the idea in the abstract.

The idea excited me much the way that Jaden excited me. The thought of Jaden and children, or more specifically having Jaden's children, put me into this sort of timeless space. I could see the two of us, me breastfeeding a small thing with dark hair and then offering it to Jaden. Jaden smiled down at the child and I felt like my heart was about to burst with the very thought of it. I was crying in the bed and smiling and my panties were wet.

"Well, my dear, it seems that the plumbing works?"

"Plumbing?"

"Yes, you're aroused by something and ready for sex I should think."

"I'm…" my jaw dropped a bit and my eyes widen. That's what I had been feeling. It's the same and yet so much different from how it felt as a guy. You don't get the tightness in the pants, which is about all most guys, well me, notice. But there are other things: the shortness of breath, the racing heart, the increase in temperature as blood floods your extremities, and then there are the other things that guys just don't get. This feeling of emptiness that erupts inside, this need to join with the soul of another person, the wonder that they are reacting to you that makes you feel vulnerable and powerful all at the same time.

We talked about sex. Yes, it can be embarrassing, especially if you let preconceptions get it the way, but if you use it as a learning experience…

If you ignore for the moment the fact that she's talking about your dad, your mom can tell you a lot of things to try out, and a lot of things to avoid. She can tell you what works for a guy in general, and some things that seem to work only for a few guys.

"You had sex before dad?"

"I was young once too, Lilly."

"Flora…"

"I'm with Jaden on this one. I like Lilly better. Now, I don’t want you doing anything without protection and being on birth control."

"Isn't that redundant?"

"I had you while on the pill and your sister while using a condom."

I blinked a bit at that and blushed.

"Your dad is virile and I'm very fertile. You'll likely take after your sister and I."

"Jenny…"

"…had an abortion while in high school."

"She was on…oh..crap. So…both together…" I was feeling hot, and only part of it was because of embarrassment. This talk of condoms reminded me what goes in a condom.

"I'm so not old enough for this," I say continuing to blush.

"And how old should you have to be to deal with this?"

"At least three more weeks. Give me three more weeks and then we can talk about this again."

"With how that Jaden looks at you, I'm not sure we can wait three more days."

"And how does he look at me?"

"Like he's a hungry wolf and you're the last pork chop on the plate."

"Mom!"

"Well, it's true. And you look at him like you're dying of thirst and he's a lake of crystal blue water."

I couldn't argue with that so I didn't. I just smiled at her. "He's been spending all his free time with me."

"Yeah, we need to get you organized quickly."

Mom left the room at that point and I lay back on the bed. I stared at the ceiling while she was gone. Did it invalidate your whole life to realize why you'd begun doing something in the first place if that reason no longer holds true?

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized, I had been seeking the blue fairy all my life. It was in that moment that I thought the most terrifying thought that had ever occurred to me: What if my entire life for the past three days was nothing more than a coma dream?

I shivered and held myself. Before the thought occurred to me, I was happy. Now, however, it wouldn't go away. I examined and reexamined my life from every angle. How could you tell if a dream was your reality from inside the dream?

I felt a constriction in my chest, and breathing became hard. I just couldn't get enough air. There wasn't near enough air. My stomach felt as though it had fallen through the floor and was working its merry way to China. The room began to spin and I just held onto the railing and cried.

"I want this to be real," I said to myself over and over again.

"Doctor!" I heard my mother's voice yell.

"I was afraid this might happen," I heard the doctor say from a long way away. They talked about a lot of psychology stuff that I didn't really pay attention to. I heard a pleasant voice that wasn't the doctor's or my mothers. It was Jaden.

"Jaden," I said quietly, "Hold me please. If you don't hold me I'll fade away." I was crying as I said it. I didn't expect anything from it. I'd been mumbling to myself for a while now, but Jaden lifted me up and put me on his lap and just held me.

"Please, oh please, let this be real."

"It's real, Lilly. This is real. You're a real girl. I love you."

"You can't love me, Jaden. You don't know me yet."

"I know you have an active imagination. I know you love the stars. You are a Disney princess even though no one ever really let you be one growing up. You love flowers, but not as much as you love fruit trees. You prefer to be too hot to being too cold. You scrunch your nose up when you're thinking about something you don't like and you get a faraway wistful look in your eyes when you're thinking of something you do."

He took a deep breath and continued, "You love to look at me when you think I'm not looking. You care about your parents a lot, even when they turn their backs on you. You're a momma's girl, even if most girls prefer their daddies. You loved to work out. You love people watching. And one day, you hope to be able to name a planet after yourself. Personally I think Evangeline is a better name than Mitch for a planet."

"I never said…"

"Did I fail to mention that you talk in your sleep?"

"I…" I blushed and squirmed a little in his grasp.

"I stop in and watch you for a couple of minutes at a time during my shift. I love to watch you sleep. You are really cute although I can already imagine the bruises you'll leave me. You really toss and turn and flail a lot."

"You love me?"

"Yes, there has never been anyone like you."

I turned away from him and stared at the wall.

"Hey," he said, putting his finger on my chin. He turned my head gently until I was looking up at him. "I meant that as a good thing," he said gently. I looked at his lips and then at his eyes. I could feel something moving a bit under me. I hopped out of his lap when I realized what it was.

"Momma, about what we talked about earlier? How soon can we get that taken care of?"

I didn't move because it freaked me out. I moved because of the realization that it was turning me on. I was pacing a little trying to keep from leaping back into his arms, and he blushed looking embarrassed. Mom was laughing a little and so was Doctor Lewis.

"Jaden, I'm walking around right now because…" I wanted to continue, but it made me embarrassed. How does a girl tell a guy what I'm feeling without sounding like a slut? Does it matter if he's the only one who I want to give myself to?

"I'm over here with you over there because I don't want to get pregnant right now."

"You don't…" he looked confused for a moment or two and then it suddenly dawned on him what I was saying. "You mean that you, that I, that…Oh." He was grinning at me and I smiled back and sat on a chair as far from his as possible.

"So you like me?" He said with this little goofy grin.

"Well, you're not bad to look at. You really fill out your uniform well. Certain parts of your anatomy are more compelling than others right now."

"Like which parts?"

I blushed bright red. I realized at that point that mom isn't in the room anymore. Neither is Dr. Lewis. I closed the door and slowly walked over to him. It was really doing a number on my hips, walking like that, and he was staring at me, well my hips. I could feel myself becoming aroused. When I was a few steps away from him I leapt into his arms and put my legs around him. I could feel him growing between us and it gave a little friction to some of the new parts of me.

Then I was kissing him and nothing else really mattered.

When he went rigid I slipped of his lap and went and sat in my chair again. I think I'd been rubbing against him a little while we were kissing. He was this pretty shade of crimson and I just watched with a smile as he calmed down from the mutual high that we'd been moving toward.

"So, what do you think?" I said with a little smile.

"I think I know exactly what you were talking about. If you'll excuse me I have to go and get cleaned up a bit."

I just sighed and sat in my chair sort of relaxed with one foot on the seat. Yeah, I can't describe it well, but it's comfortable to me, especially with an arm wrapped around that leg and my head resting on my knee.

After he got out of my bathroom I went in and closed the door. I locked it and then got to the business of cleaning myself. It's not that I had a problem with what we did, but I want to be clean, and I don't really smell clean right now. Since my mom mentioned it, I realized that I have a scent when things begin to get going, and I wanted to smell fresh, even if that wouldn't last forever.

I was sure to see Jaden again and he just didn't allow me to stay at a nice quiet idle.

I to0ok a moment or two to gather myself and then opened the door. My mom handed me a pill and a glass of water.

"What's this?"

"Your first birth control pill."

"Oh," I said a little put out.

"They will only be effective after seven days, so until then…" Dr. Lewis says.

This was embarrassing and Jaden just laughed at me.

"You do realize, Mr. I-don't-have-to-worry-about-this-crap, that it means we don't get any sex for a week, right?"

He sobered immediately, but there was a gleam in his eye. He walked over to me and kissed me and then whispered in my ear, "It just means no penetrative sex for a week."

I looked up at him and smiled. "You are one baaad boy."

"And you're no sheep."

I realized in that moment that when Jaden was there, I had no fear of whether or not this was a dream. When Jaden was there, I knew this was reality. I realized I was completely screwed.

"Dr. Lewis," I said. "How come I can come with all this when Jaden is here, but not on my own?"

"I'm no psychological expert, but I think he grounds you in reality."

"That's an adequate description of what's going on," a woman said from the doorway.

"Dr. Janessa Endworthy," she said offering me a hand. I took it in one of mine and just barely gripped it.

"So, you're my patient, are you?"

I looked around at Dr. Lewis and then my mom, worried at what this meant.

"Don't worry. Dr. Lewis just called me in to consult. So, from what they tell me you are either suffering from a delusion that you are Mitch O'Connell, or you really were Mitch O'Connell and somehow, thought a process we don't yet understand you were changed into the little thing I see before me.

"Personally, I'd usually go with option A, since delusion is much more common, but from the description of your breakdown earlier, and this test you took, I'm keeping an open mind."

"Why would my breakdown make you believe me? Doesn't that mean my delusion might be breaking down?"

"Well, that's the interesting part. From what Dr. Lewis told me, you didn't start showing signs of being a young woman who had never been Mitch. You showed signs of rejecting that you had ever become a woman. In my mind that is a healthy attitude for someone to have who just spontaneously changed gender."

"I aim to please," I said with a little smile. I didn't much like this woman. She was one of those professionals that seem to believe that they know everything, and even when proven wrong they were right all along. I did my best to avoid them in my own field and didn't want to deal with them in another.

""I like you," Dr. Janessa said.

She spent some time talking to me on my own, and then talking to me with Jaden just sitting in the room. It was true that I felt a lot more comfortable with who I was when he was present. Without him I questioned all the choices I made, and even had difficulty coming to grips with what would happen in the future.

After a while, I realized that as long as I recognized that Jaden would be there for me, I could do this without him there.

It began to terrify me how much I was relying upon Jaden to keep me sane. When Dr. Janessa left, I confronted him about it.

"Jaden, I can't do this. I need some time to develop who I am as a person. If I have to lean on you the whole time how can I be a real person? What if you left me?"

"Never going to happen."

"What if you died?"

"You already died, Lilly. You have to believe that there is something after this life."

"I only know I was around my body after I passed. I don't know how long that would last."

"Lilly Evangeline Flora O'Connell, I will never leave you alone. I will follow you until your dying breath and meet you on the other side. Then, when you join me, we will spend an eternity together just watching the sunset and the stars come out. At that point I figure we'll have enough time for you to teach me all their names."

My heart stopped for a moment listening to him talk about an eternity with him. I could actually believe that he meant it. In that moment, I knew that he meant to live with me and die with me. He meant to be a part of my life forever.

Being a bit of a realist I knew that we never know what tomorrow brings, but it didn't matter. I truly believed that Jaden would find a way to make everything he said a reality.