She's tired, not physically, but emotionally. Tired of trying to get by in a world she doesn't understand. She doesn't understand the people and, not surprisingly, they don't understand her either.

Getting into her car, she heads west on the highway. Any route aiming west would do but she chooses the shortest one she can find. Interstate 80 gets her most of the way but once in Salt Lake City she turns north on 84 to finish her journey.

Non-stop it would take her over twenty-five hours to get to her destination. There is no hurry, so she splits it into three parts and doesn't rush herself. She fully intends to enjoy this trip. It might even take a bit longer depending on the sights along the way and she's okay with that. She also wants to time her arrival so, while not worrying too much, she does try to keep an eye on the time she is trying to arrive.

She's made at least five trips like this before but they all have ended up failures and she is determined to make it work this time. She has a plan, she knows her destination, and there is nobody around to stop her making it there.

A few miles short of Twin Falls, Idaho she turns off the interstate and approaches the Snake River. This area is part of the Snake River Canyon which has very high bridges crossing it. She pulls over at one end of the bridge and checks the time; less than a half hour to sunrise. She's very happy with her timing and very glad that Mother Nature has given her a clear sky to enjoy that sunrise.

She bundles up because the wind is quite cold, especially this time of year, and walks out to the center of the bridge and looks over the canyon to the east. A beautiful sunrise is there to greet her as she reaches her destination, well, almost to her destination.

As the morning sun is lighting up the bridge, the canyon below is still full of darkness. She leans forward to look down into it and feels a peace that she has never been able to feel in her previous forty-five years.

She looks one last time into the morning sun, closes her eyes and leaps into the waiting darkness.

That's how she has it planned...maybe tomorrow, but not today.

I'm at peace when I'm asleep
No fear, no pain
No troubled soul crying inside
    when I'm asleep

I don't cry when I'm asleep
No tears, no sorrow
No mirrors reflecting the hurt
    when I'm asleep

I dream of home when I'm asleep
A place of peace
    when I'm asleep

I just want to say that I rarely am capable of writing much. This is also the only place I feel I can share some of my feelings because I can't deal with how the few friends or family I have would act seeing some of the feelings I keep hidden away from them.

ps: that Ø symbol is from math, it represents an empty set. it just felt like a way for me to say "No Hope" without using the word no, or empty or lack of. I know, I'm weird.

Ø Hope

wherever we go, whatever we do
we cannot hide from the pain inside

whomever we see, whatever we say
it always hurts, this hope inside

nowhere to run, nowhere to hide
they will not hide, these feelings inside

the tears we cry, the tears we hide
can't wash away the dream inside

to long the pain, so far from gain
it fades away...