This story is a fanfic based on Maddy Bell's Gaby series and has been available on Maddy's website for a while now, but I haven't really been able to get a feel for what readers thought of it. So I've decided to post it here and hopefully there will be a few souls willing to share their opinions. I'll be posting the subsequent parts daily until it's done. Thanks.

 

Lost in Thought, Part 1
By Jillian

 
“Here it is, yet another early Sunday morning, and again we’re driving halfway across Britain for a bike race,” Dave muttered to himself as he piloted the trusty camper down the highway. He looked over at Drew, asleep beside him, and was nearly overcome with a maelstrom of emotions. Pride, first and foremost, not only for the boy’s successes, but even more importantly for the honorable character and loving nature he so easily displays toward others. That pride, however, is tinged with a great deal of concern for the boy’s future. Here he sits, thirteen years old, a dual National Champion, and yet to look at him, you’d be more likely to take him for a weakling, if you happened to think he was a boy at all.

That’s the other thing; it would be hard enough if he just looked a little girlish, but on top of that, it seems he’s constantly being “persuaded” to dress accordingly. Oh, he puts up a token protest to begin with, but soon gives in and so easily takes on the personality of a teen girl that it quickly becomes difficult to see a boy there at all. And it seems to get easier to talk him into it each and every time it happens. He doesn’t seem all that inclined to start these episodes on his own, as far as I know, but it certainly doesn’t take long for Maddy or one of his other friends to get him into a skirt. You would think that by now he would have learned to pack an extra change of clothes when he was going to be out for any extended period of time, wouldn’t you? How many times has he been “forced” to borrow girls’ clothes because he forgot to bring a change for after a race, or because of some accident when out away from home for a day?

I wonder what all that the doctor was saying, really means? It’s certainly unusual for a thirteen year old boy to not produce any testosterone, and frankly the doctor seemed fairly concerned, although his hesitancy with starting treatment seemed a bit odd, didn’t it? Wait and see, then run a battery of tests. Why not run your tests now, so the situation can be cleared up sooner? It’s all very frustrating.

Then there’s the part about the iron deficiency. Yes, it’s true that many others have similar problems, but it is still a predominantly female condition. The iron tablets do seem to be helping, at least he isn’t fainting nearly as much. “…hormonal profile similar to a menstruating female…” the doctor said, or something like that, wasn’t it?

Maybe the medical condition explains why he looks so much like a girl, even without really trying. You would swear that Gaby and Maddy were twins, to look at them. Of course, Jen’s mum did point out that the women in her family always have all looked very similar. He does look a lot more like Jen than me, and she looks a lot like Maddy’s mum Carol. And they all look a bit like Jen’s mum, so maybe there’s something (to) in that. But that doesn’t completely explain Drew, because the men in her family don’t look anything like the women, and he looks so much like the women, rather than the men.

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“I do so hope all this will get cleared up soon,” Dave said to no one in particular, but then caught himself as Drew began to stir from his nap.

Next thing Dave heard was Drew yawning, “Nearly there?”

“Sorry kiddo, it’ll be a bit yet,” he replied. “Why don’t you go back to sleep for a bit. It’s going to be a long day, and you’re going to need all the energy you can get.”

With that, Drew mumbled, “’kay,” and promptly drifted back to sleep.

“How does he do that?” Dave wondered aloud. “That child could sleep through anything.” After a moment or two of silence, he returned to his musings.

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When John suggested accepting the invitation to ride in Liverpool, he said it would be a good ride, plus a chance to give the locals a thrill by showing off the National Champion jersey. Just show up, ride the event, and don’t worry about where you place. After all, it’s not really a Juniors event even, so he’ll be riding against competitors who are older, bigger, stronger, and in some cases at least, more experienced. Really, a good showing is all anyone could reasonably expect of the child. But that’s yet another way in which he’s just like his mum. “Why race if you don’t race to win,” is how she puts it.

So he’s been training even harder than normal the last couple of weeks to prepare for this afternoon’s event on top of his cyclo-cross training, logging even more miles than usual, and pushing himself to his absolute limit. It’s a wonder he doesn’t make himself sick sometimes. And this morning, he tells me as he got into the camper, “I think I’ve got a good shot at it today. I feel good. I feel ready.”

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As his thoughts ran over all of this yet again, Dave couldn’t help by feel those strong emotions one more time.

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Drew dreams of one day winning the Tour, but will that really be possible? If it turns out this whole hormone thing isn’t going to clear itself up, what do we do? Would they even let him race if he’s taking hormone replacement therapy? And if they don’t, what are the chances he’ll actually be able to keep up with all those other boys whose bodies are already ballooning from their pubescent hormone surges? Without it, will he continue to be basically a prepubescent boy, or given his hormone profile, will he start taking on more of the appearance of a girl? He’s already easily the smallest rider in his age classification. At some point, he might not be able to compensate for all those deficiencies with technique and tactics. Sometimes it’s simply a matter of power, and without the extra muscle mass his competitors are developing, the day is fast approaching when he may not be able to keep up.

If Drew’s hormones are more like a girl’s, does that mean he might start looking even more like a girl than he does already? I mean, those hormones are what cause girls to develop breasts, and he’s already got a bit of that shape, in his hips, bum, shoulders…almost everywhere really. He doesn’t even have to try for people to think of him as Gaby. They stop him all the time, referring to him as such, even when he’s just standing there in a t-shirt and jeans. It’s only those who know him as Drew who see him as such. When he’s made up as Gaby, she positively stops traffic. Absolutely gorgeous is probably the best way to put it, to tell the truth. From what I understand, there are boys who fancy Gaby, and frankly who can blame them? But wait, that’s my son we’re talking about!

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“Okay kiddo, we’re nearly there. You’d probably best start waking up,” I said out loud, breaking the silence that’s been facilitating these musings. “Did you remember to take your iron tablets this morning?”

“Yeah, shouldn’t have any problems today.”

“Good, it wouldn’t do for our champion to pass out during the race, now would it? Now, where’s that check-in?” As he looks around for their destination, Dave looks over at the stretching figure that is his son. All the emotions that have been warring within him this morning well up, and manifest themselves and a single tear begins to form in his eye. “Here we are, kiddo. I’ll get the bike ready, you get changed, alright?”

With that Dave climbs out of the camper, while Drew slips into the back to get into his skins. In moments, he’s checking brake cables, tire pressures, and slipping a dab of oil on the chain, just to be sure. When Drew makes his appearance from the back of the camper, he asks, “Everything okay?”

“Seems to be, son.”

“Okay, I’ll just take it out for a little warm up spin, then.” And with that, Drew pedals off, leaving Dave to once again marinate in his thoughts. It doesn’t take him long to find himself right back where he left off.

“Unflappable,” the single word escapes his mouth before he even realizes he’s speaking. He then watches as Drew sets off for a bit of a leg stretch.

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How can he do that? Go from being asleep to this lionhearted competitor in mere seconds? It’s not really that surprising though, when you really think about, is it? Just one more way in which he’s just like his mum.

Now there’s a sore subject. What the heck is really going on with her? Before the contract to ride professionally, we were happy, weren’t we? I certainly thought so. I still believed that as recently as a few weeks ago even. And yet, she drops this bomb on us about leaving us for some guy she’s met in Germany? I just don’t get it. How can she throw away all those years we were happy together? Is it possible I didn’t know her as well as I thought I did all this time?

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Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you view things, Dave’s emotional wanderings are again interrupted by Drew’s return. “Dad, can you take a look at the linkage for the front shifter? It’s really sluggish when I try to get it to change to the big ring.”

“Sure, let’s have a look,” and with that, Dave slips back into bike mechanic mode. After a brief examination and a quick adjustment to the cable, he pronounces everything tip top once again as the wunderkind goes through his pre-race stretching routine.

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He even copies her warm-up routines, stretch for stretch. I don’t suppose that should be any surprise though, should it? Everything the child knows about his sport, he learned from her, so why wouldn’t he use the same routine? If it’s good enough for her, well…okay, I need to stop this right now. Can’t be going about getting all maudlin standing here waiting for the race to start, can I? I mean, what good would that do anyone? None whatsoever, that’s what.

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“Participants report to the start please,” comes blaring from the public address system’s speakers, and Drew retrieves his bike from his father and heads for the start.

“Good luck, son.”

“Thanks Dad.”

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I wish I could figure out a way to communicate with that child more. It seems as if whenever we’re together, he’s either sleeping or preparing for some bike thing, and talking with the old man isn’t exactly anywhere near the top of the to-do list. I guess that’s teenagers for you, eh? He’s such a contradiction. Confident, yet shy at the same time, not unlike the physical contradictions the child presents. Drew is all boy, and yet at the same time he seems more like Gaby a lot of the time than he does Drew. It’s not intentional or anything like that, which is probably why appearing as Gaby comes so naturally to him. It doesn’t seem to take any effort at all for others to see Gaby, but Drew requires so much effort on his part just to be noticed as a boy. And even then, it’s hit and miss at best, as if Drew is the put on act that he doesn’t do very well.

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“Best head over to the start,” he muttered, and with that Dave was walking toward the start line for the race. “It’s a bigger field than I expected. Hope he’ll be alright.”

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There’s really nothing to worry about though, is there. Some people just have a gift for certain things, and Drew’s is cycling. Any other sport he’s tried, he’s average at best, but put the child on two wheels, and he becomes a real force to be reckoned with. He’ll do well today, he always does. What other racers have to think about just comes as instinct to this one. There they go, let’s see it’s five laps, isn’t it? It’ll be interesting to see where he is when they complete the first lap.

I shouldn’t have left Juliette at home today. Of course, dragging her to today’s race would have presented it’s own set of problems, wouldn’t it? She was really getting rolling with this whole teen rebellion thing even before their mum dropped her little bombshell on us. Since then, well, she’s really been something. I wish I knew what to do to help her deal with all this, but I really have no idea where to even begin. I know Carol’s been trying to help, but she’s always been so much closer with Drew than Juliette. I guess that’s understandable, isn’t it? As if it weren’t enough that Drew and Maddy are thick as thieves and practically identical twins, their little romance has if anything made them even closer, so Carol naturally is going to be closer to Drew. But she has been a big help so far with Jules. Not that that young lady is doing much to cooperate with us of late.

Here they come. Well I’ll be, he’s hanging in there with the older riders without even looking like he’s working that hard.

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“Come on Drew, keep going!”

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I guess the real test will be further into the race, if he can keep up with the stronger riders.

It seems like both of the kids have been trying to hold in a lot of anger since Jen’s phone call, and I have to admit I don’t blame them. It hit us all as a shock. I still don’t understand what’s going on with her. Obviously if she was really that unhappy before, you would have thought I’d have noticed, wouldn’t you? I kind of had an inkling something wasn’t right when she was home for those charity events, but that was the first clue that anything was wrong, and the truth is, this was the furthest thing from my mind. I just thought she was feeling a little under the weather, tired from all the travel and work or something. Guess I have to assume that I don’t know her half as well as I thought, but even now, I can’t shake the feeling she’s not telling us everything. There’s more going on than her having a new man in her life, I’m sure of it. I don’t know why I’m so sure, but I am.

I just hope all this doesn’t hurt the kids too much. Jules is so angry, she may not ever be able to forgive her mother for this. And Drew, my goodness, the sun rises and sets by what his mother does and says. How is this going to affect him? To top it all off, with all his racing commitments, I’m not really sure how I’m going to be able to give them both the time and attention they deserve. I don’t want to short change either of them, but Drew, because of all the travel on weekends, just requires much more of my time. I hope I don’t wind up alienating Juliette in the process.

All that anger. I truly believe that, if it had been an available option to her, Juliette might have seriously tried to hurt her mother physically when Jen called to tell us about her new friend. Drew was hurt, but Jules was just plain mad. I hope she can manage to open up to me soon, if not me then someone…Carol, her Gran, someone. If she doesn’t, I’m afraid of what she might do.

Two laps in, and that child is still right there with the big boys. Though I must say, he’s starting to look as if it’s taking a bit of effort. He won’t quit, that for sure. You know, now I think about it, I don’t think his mum has ever seen him race. Strange, huh? He’s practically worshipped her his entire life, strived to be just like her, and she’s never watched one of his races. I realize that there were a lot of reasons for that. She would often ride on the same day, and would take the time during Drew’s races to spend some time with Juliette, but it never dawned on me that she was missing this. I wonder if that thought’s ever occurred to him? Is that part of the motivation? If he does well enough, maybe she’ll come watch him one day? I never thought about it like that before. With all that’s happening now, will he lose interest in racing? I do hope not, because he has such a talent for it. An absolute natural.

If I can’t get this worked out with Juliette, maybe her Gran would like to take a crack at it. They have their half term break coming up; she could maybe go up for a visit, just the two of them, try and work out a little of that anger. Maybe I should make a call to see if that’s a possibility.

Of course, I must admit that I understand where that anger is coming from. I’ve even felt overcome by it a time or two myself the last few days. Oh Jen, why? Have I not been supportive enough? Or am I just not exciting? I’ve loved you with every fiber of my being for longer than I can remember, and I thought it was a two way street, but now I just don’t know anymore. I mean, even after all this I still love you. Will you ever come back? Will we ever be a family again?

What on Earth does that boy think he’s doing? Past the halfway point, and he’s actually leading the race? Amazing! He is looking a bit worse for wear at this point, though. I hope he doesn’t make himself pass out again. That child just doesn’t understand that a bike race isn’t worth nearly killing yourself over. He doesn’t seem able to hold anything back, like he needs to go full steam every second. That determination is what’s going to carry him through his life’s endeavors, as long as he doesn’t let our family problems take too much out of him.

Even here, the whole Drew/Gaby thing is rising up. Half the crowd keeps referring to “that young girl riding with the men up the front”. In racing skins, pedaling away for all he’s worth, they still see Gaby. Why is that? He doesn’t have breasts or anything, he’s not wearing makeup or have his hair done up in a feminine style, so what is it they see that makes them think that? Is it just that his hips and bum look a bit girlish, or is there something more? Something I’m missing? Maybe I should take a more objective look sometime.

If their Gran agrees to have Juliette visit over the break, I’ll have to talk to Frank about taking an afternoon off to run her up there. Things have been quite busy at the mill, and it may be difficult to arrange, although at least for the most part there isn’t nearly as much travel involved with the cyclo-cross schedule, and days like today aren’t going to be commonplace for a while, at least. So hopefully, we’ll be able to work something out. I’m not sure how we’d make it if it weren’t for Frank. He’s been great to me, allowing me to juggle schedules when necessary to take care of family things. I just hate to ask too often, or he may become less willing to help. I’d hate to do anything to that friendship.

It’s odd, most of the people I count as friends now, except for Frank, I’m only acquainted with really through Jen. Does that mean with things changing, they’ll be forced to choose sides? And who’s side would they choose? I don’t know what to expect from anyone at the moment. I don’t think Carol or John would abandon us, at least, because they’re so close to Drew, but other than them, I really don’t know what’s going to happen with anyone.

Wow, they’re coming around again already. I’m really having trouble with losing track of time today. I don’t see him…no wait, there is the wunderkind, right on the leader’s wheel. I don’t know if he’s going to have the energy for the final push at the end of this final lap, but I have no doubt that he’ll try. Oh my, he’s looking a bit ragged.

__________________________

“Keep going, son!”

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I do wonder what Juliette’s got up to? Let’s see, it’s nearly 11, for all I know, she may still be lolling about in bed. I wouldn’t put it past her, and given everything that’s gone on, I don’t know that I’d blame her too much either. Lord knows, the last thing I felt like doing this morning was driving to Liverpool for a bike race. If it hadn’t been for this trip this morning, I might have taken John up on his offer last night of drowning my sorrows down at the pub. Not exactly grown up behavior, I know, but sorely tempting nonetheless.

Caroline was, well, Caroline the other day. Seems she thinks I need some mothering after all that’s happened. Not that I mind, really. She’s always been brilliant to us, and I’ve no doubt that we’re going to need all the friends we can get in order to get through this. I should try to remember to call her again some time this week.

Oh my, that’s almost funny. Those people standing over there talking about Drew; “I thought this was a men’s race. What’s that young girl doing riding with them? I must admit, she’s quite good.” Even knowing this is a men’s race, they still seem to think of Drew as a girl! I hope that doctor figures out what the problem is soon, so he can fix it and my boy can get on with his life.

They should be coming round toward the finish soon. Yes, there they are, just coming into sight. Best get over to the line, if things go like usual of late, Drew may need someone to catch him when he falls off. No one will ever accuse that child of not giving his all, that’s for certain. I don’t think even the wunderkind is going to be able to pull this one off, but it’s definitely looking to be a good finish. And the champion jersey made it’s appearance, so the organizers got what they wanted.

_________________________________

“Come on, Drew!” Dave was yelling for all he was worth as he watched his son make one last push in an attempt to take the win. It was a close finish, with the winner being declared by a tire width, and young Bond finishing a wheel behind in third. As he crossed the line, Dave caught him and his steed as the wunderkind collapsed from exhaustion, totally spent from the effort.

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Did I really expect anything less? The child only know one way to do things, that’s all out. It was an outstanding ride, but I’d be willing to bet a week’s salary he’ll be upset with himself for not winning.

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Drew begins to open his eyes to find himself once again being cradled by his father. “Hey, kiddo. We’ve got to stop meeting like this.”

“Yeah, it’s getting a bit embarrassing not being able to remember the end of races.”

“Feeling a bit better? Why don’t we get you back over to the camper. Once you get to feeling a bit better, you can get cleaned up and changed. I’ll get the bike squared away.”

“Thanks dad.”

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Good, I think he’ll be alright. At least I don’t think it wasn’t the iron deficiency thing that cause him to pass this time. I think he just simply wore himself out trying to take the flag. Just like his mum.

Now, let’s not go there again. I have to keep it together for the kids. If they see me falling apart, that’ll make things even worse for them, and I won’t have that. Their lives must maintain as much normalcy as possible, under the circumstances. Otherwise…I don’t want to think about otherwise.

I wonder if Carol has checked on Juliette yet? No, I won’t call to find out, I trust Carol, she’s family, and I trust my daughter that she knows how to behave. Calling to check up on her like that would be like telling her I don’t trust her, and she needs to know that I do trust her right now. Drew can give her a call on the way back to let her know how things went. That way we check up on her without checking up on her. Sneaky, but effective.

Okay, the bike is secured, now let’s see if our young champion is feeling recovered.

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Dave knocks on the camper door, “Drew, you changed yet? They want you for the presentation.”

“Be out in a moment.”

A minute later, Dave hears a pained, “NO!” coming from inside the camper. He knocks again, and this time, the door creaks open to reveal not Drew, but Gaby exiting the back. Dave takes one look and says, “Let me guess.”

“Mad was helping me get my things together for today last night, and I guess this is what she packed for after the race.”

“Why am I not surprised? Well come on then, Gaby. Your presence is requested on the podium.”

“Do I have to?”

“Well, it’s not like it’s the first time you’ve done an awards presentation in a skirt, is it?”

“No, I suppose you’re right about that one.”

“Okay, let’s get a move on then. They’re waiting.”

And with that, Dave leads his youngest “daughter” up to the podium for the presentation of awards for today’s efforts.

Well, this has been a right strange Christmas, to say the least, what with Jen being gone, and the kid’s lack of enthusiasm for the holiday…I never thought I’d see the day when my children weren’t up at the crack of dawn to open presents. No, this year, I even slept in a bit and was still first up. I guess it’s safe to say Jen’s absence has been the main reason for the strangeness. Thank God she’s finally coming home. I can only hope she’s going to drop this charade and tell me what’s really going on. I have to say I hope I’m not correct, frankly, but I think I have a fair idea what’s coming. We shall see…

 

Lost in Thought, Part 5
By Jillian

 
Well, this has been a right strange Christmas, to say the least, what with Jen being gone, and the kid’s lack of enthusiasm for the holiday…I never thought I’d see the day when my children weren’t up at the crack of dawn to open presents. No, this year, I even slept in a bit and was still first up. I guess it’s safe to say Jen’s absence has been the main reason for the strangeness. Thank God she’s finally coming home. I can only hope she’s going to drop this charade and tell me what’s really going on. I have to say I hope I’m not correct, frankly, but I think I have a fair idea what’s coming. We shall see…

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Dave was sitting in the waiting area at the arrival gate, and didn’t even notice Jen’s arrival until she spoke, “Dave?”

“Jen, are you okay?” he asked as he jumped out of his seat and moved in for what he had planned as a gentle hug. As she melted into his arms, he knew his thoughts were correct. He still didn’t know the specifics, but he knew without her even speaking that the lie she had been telling these past couple of months was just that…a lie, intended to “protect” the family.

As she sniffed back a tear, he looked into her eyes and asked, “So tell me what’s really going on. I’m guessing there isn’t really a boyfriend, is that correct?”

She started to speak, but instead broke down in tears, clinging to his body as hers was wracked with an outpouring of emotion that had been held inside for far too long. When she was finally able to speak, she said, “I’m sorry luv. I’m so very sorry.” He handed her a tissue, and they sat down for a moment to allow her the chance to collect her thoughts.

As Jen still hadn’t regained her composure enough to speak, Dave took the opportunity to float the idea he had been harboring these past few days. “I’ve had the thought that you’ve not really been telling us what’s going on. I can tell that you’ve been ill…seriously, from what I can tell. So are you ready to drop the pretense and let us know what’s really going on?”

“Yes, I’d like that very much. I’ve missed you so. I hope I haven’t ruined everything forever.”

“I’ll not lie…the kids and I have all had a hard time through all of this. At first, I took what you said at face value, and was devastated. But as the weeks have passed, and we’ve had the chance to see a little bit of you here and there, I started wondering if that wasn’t just a smokescreen, as I could see you looking less like your old self. In a way, I’m glad to know that my suspicions were correct, although I’m not thrilled that you might be ill. What’s important is that you’re here, and planning to let us know what’s really going on. Whatever else may have gone on, we can deal with. For right now, we’ll wait until you’re ready to tell us the truth.”

“Yes, I’m rather sick.”

“How bad?”

“There was a problem on my pap smear a while back…Cancer”

With the utterance of that one word, they found themselves once again wrapped tightly around each other in an attempt to seal out any influences that might wish to inflict themselves upon them at that moment. When once again they had both regained some control of their respective tear ducts, Dave ventured, “So how long have you known?”

“Since the Worlds. It showed up in my monthly physical. Dieter, he’s the team doctor, has been keeping it from George and the rest of the team while arranging my treatments. I would have asked if I were welcome home sooner, but I had to stay for a chemo treatment this week.”

“You never needed even ask. Your place has always been with me, and that will never change. Chemo…that usually means it’s pretty bad. Just how bad?”

“Well, it’s difficult to know for sure. They’re saying worst case is about six weeks.”

“So what’s next? More chemo? Radiation? Surgery?”

“Well, in order, that’s yes, no, and maybe. When I go back in for my next follow-up, they should have a fair idea whether the chemo is doing the trick, and if not they say there is surgery as a last ditch effort. Please promise me you won’t tell the kids about that part.”

“I won’t, but you’ve got to tell them you’re sick. It’s only fair. I can’t guarantee they’ll understand your reasons for the subterfuge of a boyfriend…frankly I’m not sure I understand that either…but…”

“I don’t deserve you, do you know that? I’m afraid the kids may have other thoughts on the subject, because I know they’re feeling hurt over all of this, but I hope they’ll be willing to give me a chance to make it up to them.”

“Well, you may have a point there. Our firstborn has been, how shall I say, rather difficult these last weeks. Hopefully she can manage to get past all that so we can get back to the business of being a family.”

“What about Drew?”

“Oh, he won’t be nearly as difficult to turn around as his sister.”

“And Gaby?”

“You really do see them as different people?”

“Well, sometimes, yes. And since in the last year I’ve seen a lot more of her than I have of him…” she let the thought fade away and smiled softly.

“Since you put it that way, I suppose I can see your point. Anyway, Gaby hasn’t really made a lot of appearances of late. A few here and there, but mostly it’s just been Drew.” Dave made a point of not mentioning the night he came home to find Drew in his mum’s clothes, as he was afraid it might be a bit much for her to deal with in her current condition. “The important thing is, once they know the truth, I’m guessing you’ll be welcomed home with open arms.”

And so after a few more minutes of gently hugging each other, Dave helped Jen up and after retrieving her luggage, took her to the car and helped her into the passenger seat, then climbed in behind the wheel. “You look like you could use some rest. Why don’t you close your eyes and try to get a little nap on the drive home?”

“That’s a grand idea,” Jen nearly whispered as she closed her eyes and laid her head back against the seat’s headrest. She was asleep before he had even made it out of the car park.
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I don’t know quite how to feel at the moment. I mean, in a way I’m glad that the whole affair thing was just a farce. But at the same time, I can barely keep myself from falling apart over the news of just exactly what the real problem is. And just look at her. A few months ago, this woman was the embodiment of fitness, and now…she’s looks thin, weak…I get the feeling there’s more she’s trying to hold back even now, like it’s worse than she’s let on. God, I hope not.

I hope she’s up to the inquisition when we get home. I’m pretty sure I know how Drew will react, but Juliette? That one’s still up in the air. I just hope she’ll come around quickly. I don’t think Jen is up to much in the way of confrontations right now.

What am I going to do if she doesn’t get better? Even when I believed she was leaving me for someone else, there was always the possibility that she might decide to come back to me, but this? I can’t imagine my life without her. I certainly can’t see myself loving another woman the way I love Jen.

Okay, just stop this line of thinking right now. This is neither the time nor place for that kind of thing. I have to remain as positive as possible, for Jen and the kids. Just remember, in their eyes, I’m the rock, and I can’t let them down, no matter what.
_____________________

About halfway home, Jen opened her eyes and looked over at Dave. He was on the verge of tears, so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t even noticed that she’d awakened.

“Are you all right?”

Shocked by the sound of her voice breaking the silence in the car, Dave jumped and nearly lost control of the vehicle, recovering quickly before addressing her. “What was that? Sorry, you surprised me. I wasn’t expecting you to wake so soon.”

Smiling, somehow an alien gesture given the recently shared information, Jen repeated, “Are you all right? You know with all that’s going on?”

“I think so. A little stunned, to tell the truth, but I’ll be fine. My main concern is you.”

The rest of the journey was made mostly in silence, as Jen rested in the passenger seat while Dave tried to keep his mind on the task of bringing his beloved home. As they arrived, he helped her out of the car and lovingly held her arm as he escorted her toward the front door. As the approached, they could hear the sounds of their scurrying offspring preparing for their mother’s arrival.

“Come on son, let your mother inside” Dave said as they stepped into the house. There were the usual greeting hugs, though still somewhat tentative at least on Jules’ part. It was clear to anyone who saw the exchange that there was some ground to cover before this family would be able to return to anything remotely resembling normal.
Ten minutes later and the family Bond were gathered in the lounge, there was obviously more to this than just a visit from their estranged mother. Dave had his arm around Jen; sat on the sofa with a look the kids couldn’t remember seeing on his face before.

“So what's this all about?” Jules asked, “Come to rub Dieter in our faces?”

Jen flinched at Jules barb and then Drew realized that she most certainly wasn't the bubbly Mum of old, not by a long way.

“I guess I deserve that,” she allowed.

“You coming home then?” Drew asked.

“Not if Dad's got any sense” Jules spat.

“Jules!” Dave almost shouted, “don't speak to your mother like that!”

“Well she deserves it.”

“It's alright Dave, she's right. After the way I've treated you all I do deserve it.”

“But…” Dave started.

“Dave.” Jen patted Dave's arm and he lost some of the tension that he was holding in.

“To answer Drew's question, yes I am here because I want to come home…”

“Brill!” Drew nearly shouted.

“Drew!” Dave admonished, “let you mother finish.”

“Whether I can is another matter.” Jen went on. “I've already explained things to your Dad and we're agreed that the final decision should be yours. I've mucked up your lives for my own selfish reasons.”

“So its over with lover boy is what you're saying,” Jules, blunt as ever stated.

“Jules!”

“Sorry Dad.”

“You could say that Juliette, you could say that.” Jen looked pretty down.

“You want me to tell them?” Dave asked

“Thanks Dave but I really need to do this myself.”

“So?” Jules insisted.

Jen seemed to gather herself up before starting.
“I've been a very silly woman. Selfish and silly. You must understand that I thought I was doing the right thing at the time.”

“Running off with Dieter?” Jules was in there again.

“I won't tell you again young lady” Dave told her

“Sorry” she allowed

“Go on Mum” Drew encouraged

“Well it started back in the summer. The team doctor gives us a physical once a month, no problem but in July he called me back, not usual — one of the tests had turned something up”

“I knew it, you were pregnant!” Jules exclaimed

“What did I tell you?” Dave intoned

“No more interruptions, promise”

“No Jules, I wasn't pregnant but you're not a million miles off the truth. It was the smear test, it showed up some abnormalities.”

“What's a smear?” Drew asked

“Women's stuff” a suddenly less flippant Jules replied. That one sentence from her Mum seemed to have flicked a switch in the rebellious teen.

“Well I had some more tests and convinced the doc not to tell anyone.”

“He shouldn't anyway,” Jules mentioned

“Well yes and no. As team doctor he's supposed to tell George if there's anything wrong, I agreed to that in the contract. But anyway he agreed to keep quiet for the time being.”

“Quiet about what?” Drew, as the youngest and least knowledgeable about such things, asked.

“I've got cancer Drew.”

Drew sat there in stunned silence. Jules got up and joined the rents on the sofa, giving her Mum a determined hug. Cancer. The word hung there like a wasp's nest, taunting them all with questions but knowing that one poke will start Armageddon.

“But you can't have, the World Championships?”

“I only recently started getting sick” Jen allowed.

“But why?” Jules managed between sobs.

“Why didn't I say anything? The doc gave a good prognosis, I didn't want to worry anyone.”

“Well that didn't work,” Drew mentioned joining the family hug.

Jen stroked his hair as she went on. “The treatment was going well or so we thought then right before the Worlds Dieter, yes there is a Dieter, he's my doctor, well he told me that the cancer was spreading. I couldn't believe it; here I was at the top of my form but with this, this thing inside of me. In some perverse way it probably pushed me to the medals, I was determined to beat it.”

“Like Lance did?” thoughts of the miracle man of cycle sport buoyed Drew’s thoughts.

“Well yes,” Jen allowed, “although I've got a different sort”

“So what was the Australia thing all about?” Jules enquired

“Well Dieter couldn't keep it from George any longer. George is really a big softy, he wanted me to come home straight away, I should've listened to him. Instead I made him agree to secrecy and I know it was misguided now but I thought I could protect you all if I left, invented a boyfriend and went through the treatment on my own.”

“You never told anyone did you?” Jules mentioned

“Not until today. Only George, Dieter and the people at the clinic. I've been so selfish.”

“So what changed your mind?” Her youngest got out between sobs.

“Well you did actually Drew.”

“Me?”

“Last week at the BBC. I realized just how much I missed you all”

“You could have come home then” Drew accused.

“No I couldn't Drew, I had my first chemo session on Monday, that's when I decided that the charade had to end. I couldn't bear it if I didn't see you all again. It took me until Christmas Day to muster the courage, I had to go to the clinic on Boxing Day otherwise I would have come sooner.”

“So…?” Jules hugged her Mum closer.

“How long?” Jen said those words. It was the question you never want to ask or know the answer to. “Well hopefully years,” Jen tried on a smile but it didn't fit, “The chemo will hopefully get it, if not there's surgery.”

She was covering up again, they both could tell, but even Jules didn't pursue it.

“We'll cancel America,” Drew stated.

“I'll ring Mr. Wood” Jules agreed.

“No you won't.” their Mum was emphatic. “No cancellation and no one else knows right? I'll be here when you get back, cured and ready to give you both hell!”

There was just something in her voice that told another story, that she was even now trying to protect us.

“You must ring your mother and Maria, she was frantic
with worry you know?” Dave told Jen.

“I've probably lost a few friends over this haven't I?” she looked like a lost little girl.

“I'm sure when you explain they'll understand,” her loving husband suggested. “Now kids, your mother needs to rest.”

“Daa-aad!” Jules complained.

“Your Dad's right, I'm really tired, I left home at six this morning. But before I go up, I need to know kids, I'll understand if the answers no but can I come home?”

By way of answer they both just hugged her closer.
“Course” Jules told her, the tears starting again.
They held each other a while longer before Dave shooed the kids off and carried a now sleeping Jen upstairs.
___________________

If will has anything to do with recovering from something like this, you’ll be back up and riding by summer. I’d give just about anything if I could ensure that were to be the case, luv. For now, just focus on resting up so you can get better. That’s all I care about…that you get better.
___________________

“She's not telling us everything is she Dad?” Jules asked when her dad returned.

“I'm sworn to secrecy Jules but yes you're right.”

“Its really bad isn't it?” Drew managed.

“Not good” he agreed.

“Its weeks isn't it?” Jules stated.

Dave hesitated before answering. “You don't say a word to your mother right?” They nodded.

“Promise me now, she might be ill but she's still got a vicious tongue!” he tried to joke.

“We promise” Jules agreed.

“The chemo is a last ditch attempt to halt it's spread. Like your Mum said, there is surgery but it might be too late for that already. They've given her six weeks.”

“Six weeks!” Drew nearly screamed.

“We can't go to America Dad, we should be here with you for her” Jules stated with calm she didn't feel.

“It's what she wants Jules. I promise you both, if it comes to it, I'll get you back home in time to say goodbye.”

“Daad!” Drew sobbed flinging my arms round him.
The three of them hugged for who knows how long.

“She will stay now won't she?” Drew asked.

“Of course she will son.”

“I couldn't bear it if she went away again.”

“Now then you two,” Dave started, extricating himself from the hug, “your mother doesn't want either of you broadcasting this all over the place.”

“But?”

“No buts Drew. She'll tell people in her own time. So please, for your Mum?”

“Yes Dad” Drew agreed.

“Jules?”

“Okay”

There were more questions to ask but now wasn't the time.

“I'm just popping out for a few minutes, we're out of milk. You two okay? I won't be long.”

“Sure Dad” Drew replied.

Dave picked up his keys and went out to the car, climbed in and started the engine, then backed out of the driveway and started navigating his way to the grocers. He made the entire trip on auto pilot, not really being aware of anyone or anything around him. In fact, he wasn’t sure he remembered how exactly he had arrived there. Once he was pulled into a parking space out some distance from the store, he put the vehicle in park, turned off the engine, and almost immediately slumped over the wheel heaving great sobs, welling up from his very soul. After a while, he started to regain some small bit of composure, and started running over his thoughts.
__________________

It’s almost as if she had held back telling me the full extent of what’s going on before when we were talking at the airport, and during the car ride home. Maybe she couldn’t face saying those things more than once today? Whatever the reason, I’m glad she’s home. I don’t ever want to feel the way I have since she’s been gone again.

I was so glad when the kids were hugging their mum. I was afraid that, even after the truth was out, Jules might still be hard to bring around. I think she felt even more abandoned by her mum than Drew did…he after all still had cycling in common, while she really doesn’t share any common ground with her mum. Not the same activities, or tastes…I think she felt as if Jen was choosing something else over her, and didn’t care for the feeling one bit. Now, who knows? She seemed willing to accept her mum back into the house, but is she past all her hurt feelings? Of course not. I hope she can find her way past all that. I’d hate to think that she left for America still harboring negative feelings toward her mum.

I suppose I won’t have to worry about what will be keeping me busy while the kids are away. I’m going to have to focus everything I can on the effort to help her get better. I’m sure she’s going to need a lot of attention during her recovery…she’ll probably be too weak to do much on her own for quite a while, so I’m going to have to make sure she doesn’t overdo things. Like that’s an easy task. Easy or not, I’m going to have to do it. Now that she’s back home, I don’t want to chance her leaving us permanently again. If she’s ever able to return to racing, fine, but she’s going to know just how important she is to us…to me. Just please always come home. I know now more than ever that I couldn’t withstand that kind of torture, if she were to leave us.

Poor Drew. I’m sure he felt a bit left out of things today. Jules was so vocal during our family meeting, sometimes I worry that he tries to just bottle things up, rather than letting them out just in case it might hurt someone else’s feelings. He’s like that. I hope it doesn’t come back to bite him sometime, when all that comes bubbling out, like it did that one night. I do wonder sometimes if he reacts to things the way he does because in so many ways, he’s really more Gaby. When she’s with us, she’s more relaxed, self confident, less of a wallflower…in many ways Gaby’s a more vibrant person than Drew. I just worry that eventually, she’s going to become so much more the dominant part of him that she’ll overtake his entire life, and that would be such a rough life, having to deal with the discrimination and hatred that seems to be heaped onto those who are different. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, but specially my Drew.

I realize I’m rather biased, but he deserves better than that. He’s always been such a caring, loving, helpful child. While objectively, I could say that it’s usually the gentler ones who find themselves on the receiving end most often, I still wish with every fiber of my being that I could prevent him from experiencing all of that.

I had probably best get myself pulled back together and head back home. Jen may be waking up soon, and I need to be there in case she needs anything.
______________

After drying the tears from his cheeks, Dave wiped his eyes, started the car’s engine, and drove back home so he could take care of his true love.

I’m not sure I’m ready for this, sending my children away to America for six weeks? It sounded like it would be such a great learning experience for them, but that was before everything with their mum came to pass. I know the kids sense it as well, but there’s something about this morning that can’t help but feel like the last time Drew and Jules will ever see their mum alive. God, it hurts just thinking about it. Yes, it’s early, and they’re barely awake, but I can see it in their eyes. Even as we all tell ourselves that she’s a fighter, and will never give up, there’s a cloud hanging over all of us casting an ominous shadow over everything. That cloud keeps reminding us that the prognosis given to her by the specialist said to expect six weeks. Ironic how she’s been given exactly the amount of time the kids will be away.
 

Lost in Thought, Part 6
By Jillian

 
I’m not sure I’m ready for this, sending my children away to America for six weeks? It sounded like it would be such a great learning experience for them, but that was before everything with their mum came to pass. I know the kids sense it as well, but there’s something about this morning that can’t help but feel like the last time Drew and Jules will ever see their mum alive. God, it hurts just thinking about it. Yes, it’s early, and they’re barely awake, but I can see it in their eyes. Even as we all tell ourselves that she’s a fighter, and will never give up, there’s a cloud hanging over all of us casting an ominous shadow over everything. That cloud keeps reminding us that the prognosis given to her by the specialist said to expect six weeks. Ironic how she’s been given exactly the amount of time the kids will be away.

I must admit I was sorely tempted to let them drop out of the exchange trip when they asked me about it, but I knew there was no way in the world Jen would have allowed them to miss out on such an opportunity. And when I thought about it from her perspective, I can understand where she’s coming from. Letting the kids go on this trip is a bit like her refusing to accept the possibility that she might not win this fight she’s in, whereas keeping them home would have been like giving up. That’s not something Jenny Bond has ever done, and I doubt she ever will. I did promise the kids that, should it happen that she doesn’t have much time left, I would send for them. I just hope that need never arises.

I’m glad to see that Juliette’s problems seem to have dissipated since Jen came home. I’m amazed at just how much difference hearing one word can have on someone’s whole outlook. Obviously, I knew that a lot of Jules’ problems were directly related to her anger at her mum for “leaving” us, but when the truth came out, the change in my little girl was instant, and overwhelming. It’s been a joy to see. I just hope it lasts through this trip, and well beyond.

______________________

The Bond family joined all the other students and parents involved in the exchange trip as they gathered to wait for the kids’ departure aboard the “Warsop College Express”, bound for the airport and the first leg of their journey.

“We have to go Mum.”

“I know Drew, take care you two” Jen pulled them both into a hug that she reluctantly released when Dave clasped her shoulders.

“I love you guys, make me proud.”

“We will,” Jules replied.

Dave gave them a quick hug and propelled them towards the waiting bus.

“I'll keep you informed okay,” he whispered once out of Jen's earshot.

“Thanks Dad.”

The kids clambered on board and Drew found Mad had reserved him a seat next to her. After a few moments, Mr. Wood departed from the bus, the door closed, and it pulled away, with all the occupants waving one last goodbye to their parents. Dave and Jen could both clearly see that Drew and Jules didn’t seem to share their friends enthusiasm for the beginning of their journey, and felt a pang of sadness themselves at the thought that it was possible this would be the last time they would ever see their mum. When the bus had finally pulled out of sight, Dave looked into Jen’s eyes and saw reflected there the same fear and sadness he had been trying so hard to hide. He reached out his hand and took hold of hers as they made their way back to their car for the journey home.

As they pulled out of the car park, Dave glanced over just in time to see the tears roll down Jen’s cheek. He again took her hand and spoke, “You’ll see them again. I promise.”

“I hope you’re right, but what if the doctor’s prognosis is correct?”

“If it comes to that, I’ll make sure the kids make it back in time. But, and this is a huge but, that’s not going to happen, because you’re going to get better. I know it.”

“I wish I shared your certainty. Unfortunately, I can’t shake the fear this morning. What about my babies?”

The tears renewed their escape from her eyes as she continued thinking of the implications of not recovering.

“What’s brought all this on? I’ve never seen you like this. Usually, you’re so confident you wouldn’t even consider for a moment the possibility of failure.”

“I don’t know, really. I’m just so tired. I don’t know if I’m up to this challenge.”

“Well, I know you are, so take my word for it, okay?”

As he said this, Dave pulled the car into the driveway, jumped out and ran around to the passenger side, then opened the door and helped Jen out of the car. He held her arm as he escorted her into the house and led her to the sofa, where he said, “Why don’t you lie down here for a bit and get some rest?” He then picked up a blanket and laid it over her. He leaned over her and gently kissed her on the forehead.

“Do you know I love you, David Bond?”

“And I love you. Just as well since you married me,” he joked, prompting a smile from his love. “There it is. I’ve been missing that smile. You get some rest, and call for me if you need anything.” He then headed into the kitchen where he started in on a little housework.

_______________________

How on Earth am I going to maintain my confidence in her chance of recovery? I think that last visit with the doctor took a lot of the wind out of her sails. I must say, I can understand that. Being told that you’re going to have to undergo some rather extensive surgery that may or may not save your life? That’s a fairly heavy weight to have placed upon your shoulders, and she’s been trying so hard to hide just how bad it is from the kids. Maybe their trip will actually be a help to her in her recovery. I hope she doesn’t feel like she has to put on a brave face for me. After all, I was in there with her when the doctor gave her the news about the surgery.

The kids, there’s another bit of worry. I think all it would have taken for them to cancel their trip, even this morning, would have been for their mum to show even a moment’s weakness in front of them. I suppose it makes sense then that she was trying to hide just how bad it is from them. In America, having fun gathering new experiences? Definitely the best way to keep Jen from using all her energy putting on a brave front, maybe she’ll actually be able to save her strength for getting better.

One thing I still don’t understand is the reasoning behind the whole “boyfriend” ruse. I know she said she was trying to protect us from all the worry, but how in the world was that supposed to help? Instead of doing whatever we could to help with her recovery, we wound up wasting all that time being tormented by a situation that had nothing to do with the truth. In a way, it makes me more upset than if that story had actually been true. I don’t want to upset her now by starting an inquisition, but once she’s on the mend, I may have to try to get her to explain what her thinking was.

____________________

When Dave returned to the front room, he had a plate of lunch and a cup of tea in his hands for his wife, who was just waking from her nap. “I thought you might like a bite of lunch.”

“Have I really been out that long?”

“I’m afraid so.”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to sleep so long.”

“That’s all right, luv, I know you need your rest if you’re going to get better. And you’re going to need to keep your strength up, which brings me to…” and he presented her with the plate and cup.

“You’re far too good to me.”

“Nonsense. You eat a bite, then just relax and watch a bit of telly. I realize you’re not terribly experienced in the whole ‘relaxing’ bit, but give it a shot, you may even enjoy it.” He made sure he was out of arm’s reach as he said this last bit, knowing that if he were too close, she might take a swipe at his ear. He returned to the kitchen momentarily to retrieve his own cup, then came back into the front room and sat down in the chair to relax a bit himself.

“Have you already eaten?”

“Yes, I was just finished up with clearing away the dishes when I heard you stir in here and thought you might do with a little something.”

“Thank you, I didn’t realize I was so hungry. In fact, if you hadn’t just handed it to me, I might have told you I didn’t want anything. How wrong can one person be?”

When she was done, Dave took the dishes back to the kitchen while Jen settled in to watch a bit of television. He finished washing up, then returned to sit with her so he would be there if she needed anything.
Eventually, he settled in to read a book while Jen drifted in and out of wakefulness while allowing the telly to provide a soundtrack of sorts for the afternoon. After dinner, Dave helped Jen upstairs to get ready for bed, and when she was asleep once more, he returned downstairs to tidy the place a bit.

______________________

It’s a good thing she came home when she did. As weak as she is now, I can’t imagine her having the energy to carry on with her cover story for long. We’ll just have to hope that it wasn’t too late, and they can still get her through this.

One thing, maybe Drew will be able to avoid having any “Gaby-sodes” while they’re in America. Of course, that’s probably wishful thinking, considering the fact that Brit was probably the second biggest cause of most of them when they were here. Between her and Maddy, I sometimes wonder if they don’t wish they could get him to be her all the time. I know, without a doubt, that isn’t something he’d like to do, but I can very easily envision my poor boy being manipulated into doing just that. I really hope it doesn’t come to pass, but…

_______________________

The ringing of the phone interrupted Dave’s wandering thoughts. “Hello, Bond residence.”

“Dad it's me!”

“Drew? Where are you?”

“We just got to Washington.”

“You okay son?”

“I guess. Is Mum there?”

“She's asleep right now, its been a long day for us here you know.”

“I never thought, it's only just after four here.”

“That's okay Drew. Look she's okay at the moment, a bit tired that's all. Try not to worry. This call must be costing you a fortune.”

“I'm on Miss Cowlishaw's mobile.”

“That's good of her, look I'll tell your Mum you called when she wakes up, now enjoy yourselves. Give Jules my love. I'll give you a call at the Walters tomorrow, about tea time where you are okay, now don't fret.”

“I'll try. Bye Dad.”

“Bye kiddo.”

As he hung up the phone, Dave realized just how tired he was and decided it was time for him to get a little rest himself. So he turned out the lights, climbed the stairs and got himself ready for bed. He was nearly asleep before his head hit the pillow.

____________________

“You fool! What would ever make you think she was ever yours to begin with?” said the faceless stranger as his silhouette became visible thanks to the moonlight streaming in through the window.

“She loves me, and our children. That’s what! Why else would she have come home to us?” Dave shouted at the stranger.

“Not any more!” he bellowed back. “I only returned her to you so you could nurse her back to health…or bury her!” The sound of his evil chuckle sent chills down Dave’s spine. “If she survives, I might decide I want her back, and if I do there’s nothing you or anyone else can do to stop me from taking what’s mine!” The chuckle became a full-blown belly laugh…

_______________________

“Huh?” Dave uttered as his eyes popped open. In the back of his mind he could still hear that evil laugh. He’d been having these dreams for some time now, but since Jen’s return home, they’ve taken an even darker turn, and this one was just another example. He looked at the sleeping form of his wife lying there next to him, and knew it was only a dream, but…

He laid his head back down, but sleep would not return, so he just looked at Jen, watching her breathing. He did eventually drift off some time before dawn. When he next woke, he quietly as possible got out of bed and went downstairs to the kitchen, where he prepared breakfast for the two of them. A few moments later, he was back in the bedroom, tray in hand. “Rise and shine,” he said to Jen as she slowly opened her eyes and smiled.

“Breakfast in bed? How did I rate?”

“Well, you were very tired yesterday, and I just wanted to do something nice for you.”

“You’ve done far more than I could ever possibly deserve already, but thank you,” she said as she took the proffered tray and started in on her breakfast. “Got any plans for today?” she asked between bites.

“Well, I’m afraid I may need to go in to the office for a while later. Wouldn’t want Frank realizing he can function without me. What about you? Another day of lounging in front of the telly?” He asked this in jest, knowing that one of her least favorite things to do in the world was to lie about doing nothing.

“Actually, I thought if I were feeling up to it later, I’d go for a little ride.”

“Are you sure that’s wise?” he asked as he got up from the side of the bed and started getting ready to go to work.

“When has a gentle bike ride ever done anyone harm?” she asked, knowing she had him cornered.

He was silent for a moment while he finished dressing, and then said, “Well all right, but be careful, and take it easy.” And with that he was standing right beside her. While finishing the knot in his tie, he bent down and gave her a kiss, waved goodbye, and headed
downstairs and out the door. As he drove to the mill, he found his thoughts once again drifting…

_____________________

Those two are definitely alike, that’s for certain. Jen’s as bad as Drew, I swear. Can’t keep either of them off their bikes without bed restraints. I feel I should be there with her, but if I don’t go and get a little work done, I don’t know how much longer I’ll have a job, and that would not be a good thing at all.
I had hoped that when Jen came home, those stupid dreams would go away, but instead they’ve just become darker, stranger. My rational side is telling me that these dreams are just the product of some underlying insecurities I may still be harboring about whether or not she’s come home for good, but that doesn’t make them any less upsetting in the middle of the night. My only real hope is that as time passes and she gets better, those doubts will eventually go away.

___________________

Dave spent the afternoon filing paperwork, making work calls, and generally just trying to catch up on all the work that had piled up on his desk since he hadn’t really been in as much as he should have been recently. The positive side effect of being so busy was that he didn’t have time to think about anything not work-related for several hours.

When he returned home, he found Jen sprawled on the sofa, exhausted. The first thing he did was run to the fridge, get an energy drink, and bring it to her. “Here you go.”

“Oh, thank you, luv.”

“So much for a gentle, relaxing bike ride, eh?”

“Hey! It was very relaxing, thank you very much. I just got a bit carried away is all.”

“I can’t imagine you getting carried away on a bike.”

“Careful, mister!” she playfully warned.

Dave walked back to the kitchen to find that not only had she been out for a ride, she had also started dinner cooking. “Well no wonder you’re so tired,” he called out loud enough for her to clearly hear him. “So what are we having?”

“Oh, just a little chicken pasta Parmesan.”

“Sounds good.”

“Don’t sound so surprised.”

“I’m not, I just didn’t expect you to feel up to cooking is all.”

“Well, since you’re here to keep an eye on the food, I’m going to pop into the shower. Be back in a moment.” And with that, Jen headed upstairs to get cleaned up.

____________________

Okay, so what the heck was she thinking? Wearing herself out on that bike, then cooking dinner when I know there’s no way she really feels like doing it? I think we may have to have a talk about this.

___________________

Jen returned to the kitchen both looking and smelling better than when last he had seen her, as he began serving dinner. They sat at the dining room table, which they hadn’t really been using since the kids left the day before, because Dave wanted Jen to get used to feeling “normal” again.

After dinner, Jen went and sat in the front room to relax while Dave cleaned up the mess in the kitchen…after all, she was still worn out from her earlier exertions. When he was done, he joined her on the couch, and they sat holding each other gently for hours, enjoying the closeness and the silence. When Jen became too tired to stay up any longer, Dave helped her upstairs and got her settled in bed, then went downstairs to make his check in call to the kids at the Walters in Grottoes.

“Hi there, Walters residence.”

“Brit, is that you? It’s Mr. Bond.”

“Oh hi Mr. Bond, its Deb””

“Sorry, you sounded a bit like your sister for a moment. Do my kids have a moment to spare for their dear old dad?”

“Yeah sure, they're right here.”

“Thanks Deb. I’m sure I’ll talk to you later.”

“And you to Mr. B, here's Gaby.”

Dave waited as Drew took the handset from Deb.

“Drew?”

“Hi Dad, how's Mum?”

“Why was Debbie calling you Gaby?”

“It's a long story”

“And I don't want to know right?”

“Er yes. So how's Mum?”

“She's okay son, she went for a short ride earlier but it took a lot out of her”

“She's okay though?” he started to panic.

“Calm down, yes she's alright, the doctors have said to expect it. Look son, I wasn't supposed to say anything, your mother made me promise, but well . . . .”

“Daad! What aren't you supposed to tell?”

“Your mother is going in to hospital tomorrow to be assessed for surgery.”

“You knew before we left?” he accused.

“Yes, we knew, it was your mothers decision not to say anything, she knows how you'd react”

“But…”

“Its your mother’s call son. I promise to get you here if things take a turn for the worse. Put your sister on son, I'll try to get your Mum on the phone tomorrow okay?”

“Yeah. Bye Dad, give Mum my love, here's Jules”

Dave waited once more as Drew passed the phone to his eagerly waiting sibling.

“Dad?”

“Hello, Juliette. How was your trip over?”

“Long. And at times boring.”

“Yes, I’m afraid that is one of the realities of transatlantic travel. So are you enjoying yourself so far?”

“Oh, yes, Mrs. W took Deb and I to Waynesboro to do some shopping and stuff.” How’s Mum?”

“Tired, but doing all right. I’ve something I’d like to ask you. Why is it that when you left Warsop, Drew was with you, but now it seems Gaby is in America?”

She moved a bit to ensure Mr. And Mrs. W didn’t hear, and then responded, “Well, it seems Brit and Deb’s olds think Drew is a girl, and her nickname is Gaby.”

“So how exactly did they get that impression?”

“I’m not sure, but I suspect it has something to do with the fact that most of the pictures the girls took in England featured Drew in a skirt.”

“Point taken. So is Gaby there fulltime, then?”

“It would appear so. She sort of has to go to school like that because of the cheer contest. Something about it being easier to just stay as a girl, rather than having to switch back and forth all the time.”

“You watch out for her, all right? She’s your younger ‘sister’ and it’s your place to help her when dshe needs it, understood?”

“Yes Dad.”

“Okay. Take care of yourself as well, Juliette.”

“I will.”

“I had probably best get off of here, and the same goes for you as well. Good night, sweetheart, and be good.”

“Okay dad. Love you.”

“Love you too.” And with that, Dave hung up the phone.

________________________

How does that child ever get into the fixes he seems to fall into all of the time? Every time I turn around, Gaby’s back. It’s almost as if he does it to himself. I don’t know how he’s ever going to cope with spending six full weeks as Gaby. She’s never been around for more than a couple of days, and after those times, he couldn’t get back to being Drew quickly enough, but this? What kind of effect is this going to have on the poor child? After such an extended time as a girl, is there any chance my son will ever return? I suppose I’d best stop thinking about this, before it drives me round the bend. I’m going to have six weeks to torment myself with all of this, there’s no sense in wearing out the subject right off the bat.

_______________________

And so, it was with these troubling thoughts that refused to stop circling his mind that Dave got ready for bed, and eventually drifted off for a less than restful night’s sleep.

The consultation with the doctor that afternoon was short and to the point. When Jen asked what options she had besides surgery the doctor was blunt. “I’m afraid surgery is our only option,” the doctor told her as she sat with Dave in his office.

“So when do we do this?” Jen asked.

“As soon as possible. If you’re ready, we could do it in the morning.”

“So, are the chances good?” Dave tentatively ventured.

“I’d say it’s maybe 50/50, but that’s better odds than if we don’t try.”

 

Lost in Thought, Part 7
By Jillian

 
The consultation with the doctor that afternoon was short and to the point. When Jen asked what options she had besides surgery the doctor was blunt. “I’m afraid surgery is our only option,” the doctor told her as she sat with Dave in his office.

“So when do we do this?” Jen asked.

“As soon as possible. If you’re ready, we could do it in the morning.”

“So, are the chances good?” Dave tentatively ventured.

“I’d say it’s maybe 50/50, but that’s better odds than if we don’t try.”

“So if we don’t…” Jen started.

“Then we’re back to the five to six week estimate. And that last couple of weeks will be hell, I’m afraid.”

“Well then, it would appear there’s really not much of a choice to make, is there?” Dave offered.

“So shall we schedule you first thing in the morning?”

Jen looked at Dave for a moment, then turned back to the doctor and whispered, “Yes.”

“Good, I’ll see you first thing. Once you leave here, go in through admissions, and they’ll get you sorted. I really do think we have a good chance. I’ve had great success with this procedure in the past.”

Dave stood up, and as he helped Jen to her feet as well, said, “I hope you’re right. We’ll see you tomorrow.”

And with that the Bonds left his office and made their way to the admissions office of the hospital. Once all the appropriate paperwork had been dutifully filed, they were led to the surgical ward, where Jen was instructed to change into one of those hospital gowns, then get into bed. Dave sat down at her bedside, and they chatted for a while, until one of the nurses came over to inform them that visiting hours were over and he would have to leave. So after he made certain Jen was settled in for the night, Dave headed home and made his check-in call to the kids.

“Walters residence…”

“Brit?”

“Oh, hi Mr. B. I’ll get Jules.”

There were a few seconds of rustling sounds, then “Dad? How’s mum?”

“About the same, really. We went to her surgeon’s assessment this afternoon. They want to operate tomorrow.”

“So soon?”

“Yes, he seems to think there’s a good chance of getting all of it, but time is of the essence.”

“So she’s gotten worse.”

“As I said, time is of the essence.”

“Oh…tell her I love her, will you?”

“Of course I will, sweetheart. I’m afraid I’m going to have to cut things short tonight. Early day tomorrow. Let me speak to Drew, all right? Love you.”

“Love you too.” And then Juliette handed the phone to her ‘sister’.

The conversation with the youngest Bond went in a similar fashion, and soon, Dave was on his way to bed. Once there, even though he was absolutely exhausted, he found sleep elusive.

________________________

Things are getting a bit complicated, aren’t they? Even without Jen being so sick, the reappearance of Gaby is enough to keep me up nights. She’s never been around for more than a couple of days at a time, and now, she’s going to be around for six weeks solid. What kind of effect is that going to have on my son? How on Earth is he going to cope? Oh, I know he’s got a good head on his shoulders, but being so immersed in being a girl for so long, how can it not leave it’s mark on him? As difficult as it has always been for him to be seen as a boy, even without having to act like a girl for such a long period of time. This is bound to spill over into his ‘Drew’ persona, if that’s the right way to think of it. Will he even remember how to be a boy when he gets home?

And how is Jules taking all of this? She has on a couple of occasions had a hand in Gaby’s appearances, but I don’t really think she’s ever intended anything malicious. Now, she’s going to be living in close quarters with Gaby for an extended period. Maybe I should ask her to keep a special eye out for her, make sure she doesn’t get into any trouble?

Jen. God, I hope this procedure tomorrow is successful. I don’t think I’d be able to ever enjoy living again, if you were gone. That’s how I was when I thought you’d left, and this is even worse…

________________________

He finally drifted off to sleep in the midst of a whirlpool of unsettling thoughts…

________________________

The silhouetted stranger was standing in front of the window, chuckling evilly until he knew he had Dave’s attention. Then he spoke, “I did warn you. She is mine, and always will be, whether it’s in life or death. Mine and no one else’s.”

“You’re wrong! I know it! She loves me, and I her…more than ever!”

“That is irrelevant. When I am ready to take her from you, I will!” Once again, the chuckle grew into a full laugh that rang in Dave’s ears like a carillon on Christmas morning…

_______________________

Dave’s eyes sprang open, and he could almost make out the fading laugh as it drifted into the distance. He looked at the clock, and seeing it was nearly three in the morning, rolled over and eventually managed to drift off once more for a couple of hours of relatively undisturbed sleep.

The following morning, upon arrival at the hospital Dave was instructed toward the surgical waiting room, where he immediately went to the desk to ask the nurse, “Is there any way I can see my wife before she goes into surgery?”

“Let me check, sir. What’s the name?”

“Bond. The patient’s name is Jenny Bond.”

“I’ll be just a moment.” She left her desk and went into the pre-op holding area, then a moment later returned. “It’s a bit unusual, but yes, Mr. Bond. Follow me, won’t you?”

She led him down the hall, and into a large room where numerous patients were lying in varying stages of wakefulness, all waiting for their turns in the operating theater. They made their way to Jen’s bedside, where she was nearly out of it herself, but was still awake enough to notice his arrival.

“Dave…” Jen said, through the stupor of the medications she had been given in preparation for her surgery.

“I wanted to see you before they took you back. I wanted to tell you one more time that I love you.” As Dave was speaking, the nurse silently excused herself and returned to her post.

“Oh, Dave, I love you too. I don’t deserve you. I’ve been awful to you, and the kids.”

“There’s no need to go into any of that right now. The important thing is you getting better. Don’t worry about anything other than that, you hear me?”

“Yes, sir,” she said, smiling as much as she could manage, being only half conscious.

“Well, I’ll see you soon, all right? Love you very much.”

“Love you too,” as she said this, the surgical nurse came over to check on Jen.

“I’m afraid it’s time for you to go on, we’re just about ready to take her in,” the nurse told Dave.

“All right,” he said to the nurse. He took one more look at Jen, who was now asleep, and then turned and headed back to the waiting area, where he took a seat, picked up a magazine, and promptly proceeded to ignore it completely.

___________________

What is going on with these strange dreams? Is my subconscious trying to tell me that there may be more to the whole affair thing than just a simple cover up story? Is it trying to tell me to be careful? In my heart, I believe what she’s told me completely. I still don’t begin to understand why she told us what she did, but I do believe she’s telling me the truth about the incident. So why am I still being haunted by these doubts in my dreams? Maybe I’m not as convinced as I thought I was that she’s now telling the whole truth? What if there really was someone, but she decided to come home for us to help her get well before leaving us once more? What if…no, I refuse to believe that’s a possibility. It would just be so far out of character, there’s no way.

For a moment there just now, I thought she was going to try to tell me something, but she couldn’t. I don’t know what that could have been, and frankly guessing at it while she’s in there is a surefire way to drive me round the bend. Like I’m going to be able to ignore it now. Not likely to happen, eh? Maybe she was just trying to apologize for all the deceit while she was trying to hide her illness from us. I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand what drove her to do that. It simply makes no sense. Now, since she’s come home, we’ve been trying to function more or less normally, or as close to it as we can manage under the circumstances.

And yet, it has been a bit strained between us since she came home. I don’t think it’s me, but I suppose it could be, at least in part. I’ve been so focused on taking care of her that I haven’t taken the time to really sit down and talk with her about her reasons behind all that subterfuge. I’ve rationalized away my lack of initiative on this subject as not wanting to upset her when she’s so weak, but still, at some point, this is all going to have to be hashed out, and I’m not looking forward to it. If things don’t go well in there today, I don’t suppose it’ll matter all that much, will it?

No, I can’t even allow myself to think about that possibility. It’s simply not a line of thinking that I want to look into. The last thing any of us need is for doubts to creep into things today. She needs all the positive energy she can get, and I’d hate to spoil things with negativity. Bad karma, and all that. There’ll be plenty of time for us to work things out after she’s on her way to getting better. I do still love her very much. I think that’s probably the most important thing to remember in all of this.

And then there are the kids. I know in my head that it’s probably best for them to be away instead of sitting here in this waiting room doing nothing but worrying for hours upon hours, but in my heart, I can’t help but wish they were here, not only for me, but so they could have had one last moment to talk to Jen before she went in. I know the doctor is good, and he’s done this successfully before, but that doesn’t mean everything is going to go beautifully this time. Things happen. Problems come up. It might turn out to be worse than they had initially thought, and then where are we? The kids in America, with no way of getting back in time to say goodbye? What on Earth was I thinking, sending them away like that? How could I do that to them? There I go again, letting that negativity peek it’s nasty head through.

They didn’t even want to go. They repeatedly said they didn’t think they should go under the circumstances, but no, Jen wanted them to go have fun learning about America. Maybe she just had so much confidence that she wasn’t worried about not making it? I hope so, I really do. They say that mental attitude can do more to help someone get better than just about anything doctors can do, so maybe she can ‘will’ herself better. That’s my theory, anyway.

If I hadn’t sent them on this trip, Drew wouldn’t be Gaby fulltime, either. Maybe that’s the wrong way of looking at it. After all, with little more than some fairly minor resistance, Drew always gives in and becomes Gaby, and always enjoys it too. I really do think deep down, he’s happier when he’s being her, as much as that pains me to say. Of course, I’m judging from the perspective of someone who has seen the poor boy be dismissed and confused for being a girl even without making any effort whatsoever to appear so. I’ve never really seen it, but then he’s my son. But when he dresses as Gaby, nobody ever mistakes her for a boy. They’re constantly taking Drew for a girl. So does all this mean I may someday have two daughters, instead of one and a son? I wish I knew.

I had always prided myself in the fact that I am a tolerant and understanding man. Maybe that’s what makes all this hard for me to take in, and why at the same time I feel a certain disappointment in my own reactions. Am I the only one who seems to have a problem with my son spending almost as much time as my daughter as my son? Jen has never had a problem at all. Her one rule has always been “If Drew is wearing girls’ clothes treat her like a girl, period.” Sorry, but I still have a bit of a problem with that stance. Maybe I’m not always as tolerant or understanding of other people’s ways as I should be.

Jules has, from time to time, had a little problem with Gaby, but that’s been born out of fear that she might take some of the special “daughter” perks. And other than a couple of specific incidents, she’s really made a point of having nothing to do with Gaby. Now, the one who has seemed most responsible for Gaby appearances has obviously been Maddy, closely followed by Brittany. I don’t even begin to understand why either of them seem so intent on having Drew be Gaby so often. With Brit, I suspect it’s simply mischief, but Maddy? I just don’t know. And she purports to be Drew’s girlfriend. It’s very strange indeed. I’m going to have to keep a closer eye on those two once they get back, for certain.

,;

“Dave?”

He looked up to see Carol Standing in front of him, holding out a cup of tea. “You are a lifesaver, Carol Peters.”

“I had a feeling you’d be needing a little something.”

“Thanks, but what are you doing here?”

“What do you mean? You didn’t really expect me to allow you to sit here all alone through this, did you?”

“I hadn’t really given it any thought.”

“As I had expected. Typical man.”

“Hey…” he started to protest, until he noticed her grin, indicating that it was said at least partially in jest.

She sat down beside him, and they simply sat in silence for several minutes before it was broken by a doctor entering the waiting area.

“Mr. Bond?”

Dave jumped to his feet. “Yes.”

“I was sent out by the surgeon to tell you that it’s going to be a while, sir, before there’s any news. He suggested that, as it’s near lunchtime, you might want to go grab a bite. Just let the nurse know if you’re leaving the hospital, and we’ll track you down if there’s any news before you return.”

“Now you mention it, I am feeling a bit hungry. Fact is, I can’t even remember if I had any breakfast.”

Carol jumped in, “What say we go down to the cafeteria and get you a bite. Then we’ll head back this way.”

The doctor then said, “Good, if something happens before you get back, we’ll send someone down there.” Once he said this, he turned and left, returning to the operating room.

It was probably a good thing Carol was there with him, as Dave seemed a bit out of sync with the world as they headed for the cafeteria and had a bite of lunch. He was having trouble making even the simplest decisions, and in an effort to lead him through things, Carol decided to just take charge of the situation. Once their lunch was finished, she walked with him outside for a few minutes of fresh air before they returned to the waiting room, where Dave quickly descended once again deep into his thoughts.

__________________________

It’s a good thing Carol is here. I’d probably have forgotten all about eating without her taking care of me. Silly, isn’t it? She’s always been such a good friend. Really, she held us all together when we thought Jen was leaving us. I wish I knew how things were going to wind up. I hate this feeling of being lost all the time. It leaves me feeling off balance, dizzy…out of control.

You know, the thought’s just occurred to me…Maddy’s obsession with Gaby…I wonder, no, that would be just too strange. Do you think maybe she’s more attracted to girls, and Gaby is her way of dealing with that? Odd as it may sound, I’m sure even more unusual things have been known to happen. I don’t dare mention this idea to Carol, do I? No, of course not. Besides, they’re so young. They’ll both wind up having twenty other relationships within the next couple of years, I’m sure. Just let things take their course. Either one of them will grow tired enough of the dress up game to bring it to a close, or…

But that brings us back to Drew, and whether he’s more comfortable as Gaby? I know he lodges his protests, but still I can’t get away from the fact that Gaby is often happier than Drew, if that makes any sense. I’m sure it doesn’t help things that he’s still dealing with this hormone problem, not that we’ve learned much substantial from the tests so far. It has to be confusing for the boy, knowing that his doctor has said he has the hormone profile of a normal girl. Yes, there’s something that’ll build up the old male ego. Something’s going to have to be done, and soon. This limbo has got to be unsettling for the child. And, on top of everything he’s been dealing with here at home, now he gets to spend six whole weeks living as a girl. I wonder if Drew will ever make it back after that.

_______________________

As Dave let his mind wander once again, Carol noticed the arrival in the waiting room of a doctor in surgical scrubs. She nudged Dave in the ribs, to bring him out of his lost little world. Just then, the doctor walked up to them and spoke, “Mr. Bond? We’ve just about finished up with your wife. They’re closing as we speak. It was fairly extensive, but I think we got it all. We will just have to wait and see whether or not we have, but as I said, it looks to be successful. She’ll be out of it for a while yet, but once she wakes up, we’ll move her back to the ward, and then you can go in to see her.”

“Thank you doctor,” Dave said once he finally had resurfaced and had absorbed everything the doctor had just said.

“That’s good news, eh?” Carol said quietly into Dave’s ear as she gave him a hug.

“Yes it is. Without question.”

After the visit from the surgeon, Dave’s mood had lightened quite a bit, and he was then able to carry on a more normal conversation with Carol while they waited for the word that they could go see Jen in her room. Nothing of much importance was said, but it was much more relaxed and pleasant than Dave could remember feeling in months.

Carol left when they came to tell him he could go in and sit with her a while; saying she needed to get home to fix dinner for John. Dave went to the ward, where he sat more or less silently holding her hand as she drifted in and out of wakefulness. At some point he too dropped off to sleep, and when the nurse came in to tell him that visiting hours were over, she had to shake him awake. He then went home, and realizing he hadn’t yet called the kids to fill them in on the days events, he called the Walters’ residence.

“Hello?”

“Mrs. Walters? Dave Bond.”

“Oh yes, Mr. Bond. Please call me Joss.”

“Only if you call me Dave. It’s not too late to be calling is it? We were at the hospital all day, and I just got home.”

“So did things go well?”

“As well as could be expected. Are either of my offspring handy?”

“Yes, Here’s Jules just coming this way,” she took the phone away from her ear and said to Jules, “It’s your dad.”

Then there were a few seconds of rustling sounds followed by, “Dad? How’s mum?”

“Well, it took them quite a while, but they think they’ve got it.”

“Really? That’s good news, right?”

“Yes, it is. It’s still going to be a long road, but this is a big step.”

“That’s great, dad. Give her my love, won’t you?”

“Of course I will, sweetheart. I don’t mean to cut things short, but I know it’s late there, and I’m absolutely exhausted, so could you get your brother for me?”

“Sure, love you,” and with that, there were another couple of seconds of rustling noises as the phone changed hands, then…

“Did they operate?”

“Yes Drew, that's why I'm calling so late, I've only just got home”

“And?”

“Well the good news is that the surgeon thinks that it went exceedingly well but it will be a few days before they can tell how successful the surgery has been.”

“Does that mean she's cured?”

“Not exactly son, it could still go either way and your mother is still very sick”

After a brief moment of silence, Dave continued. “So how are you kiddo?”

“Okay I guess. Mrs. Walters friend, Erin, she owns the local bike shop, has lent me a bike to ride and I'm supposed to be going for a ride with her on Saturday”

“That's very good of her. Make sure you thank her and look after the bike.”

“Daad, course I will! It's a really cool GT with Chorus kit and its mint!”

“Just remember you have to ride on the opposite side of the road and be careful.”

“I will be, give Mum my love”

“Of course I will, I'll try to ring a bit earlier tomorrow okay”

“Anytime”

“Bye Drew”

“Bye Dad”

After hanging up the phone, Dave decided he was too tired to even worry about going to bed, so he just plopped on the couch and was asleep within minutes.

The Bonds were shown into the doctor’s office by his nurse, who told them, “You can wait in here for the doctor to see you. He shouldn’t be more than a few minutes.”

“Thanks,” both Dave and Jenny said at the same time, then as the nurse left the room they looked at each other and smiled. They each took a chair facing the doctor’s desk, and had barely settled into them when the door opened and the doctor arrived.

“Good to see the two of you.”

“Thank you,” replied Dave.

The doctor shook each of their hands, then circled around his desk and took a seat. “I imagine you’re anxious to find out the latest?”

“You could say that,” Jen blurted out, making no effort to disguise her anxiety...

 

Lost in Thought, Part 9
By Jillian

 

The Bonds were shown into the doctor’s office by his nurse, who told them, “You can wait in here for the doctor to see you. He shouldn’t be more than a few minutes.”

“Thanks,” both Dave and Jenny said at the same time, then as the nurse left the room they looked at each other and smiled. They each took a chair facing the doctor’s desk, and had barely settled into them when the door opened and the doctor arrived.

“Good to see the two of you.”

“Thank you,” replied Dave.

The doctor shook each of their hands, then circled around his desk and took a seat. “I imagine you’re anxious to find out the latest?”

“You could say that,” Jen blurted out, making no effort to disguise her anxiety.

“Well, Mrs. Bond, you can relax. While only time will tell the complete tale, it would appear from your latest round of tests that the surgery was successful. Once you’re fully recovered, you should be able to do anything you did before.”

“What about cycling?” Jen asked, as Dave’s face visibly dripped with disappointment. “I’d like to return to riding as soon as possible.”

“Yes, I imagine you would. I’m afraid it will be some time before you are ready for something that strenuous, but assuming everything goes according to plan, I can see no reason to keep you from competing again.”

“About how long?”

“I’d say at least a couple of months.”

“That long?”

“Well, I suppose you could start some light riding in a few weeks, but nothing for at least another fortnight.”

“But I can start training seriously again…?”

“As I said, not for at least a couple of months. It will take some time for you to build up your strength and endurance enough to seriously ride. You’ve been on minimal activity for some time now, and in that time your muscles will have decreased in mass somewhat, limiting both your strength and endurance. Rebuilding them takes time and work…lots of both.”

Before Jen could continue her cross-examination, Dave jumped in, “Thank you doctor for giving us the good news. When should she come back for her next follow up?”

The doctor now addressed Dave for the first time since he came into the room, “In a week, then in two weeks we’ll do another MRI, and some blood work. Assuming everything is still progressing as expected, you should be able to increase your activity level some after that.”

“Thank you,” Jen offered as a way of preventing Dave from jumping back into the conversation.

As the doctor stood up from his chair, Dave and Jenny did likewise, and after circling around the desk, the doctor shook both their hands and said, “Then I’ll see you again next week. Remember to take it easy this week. You will heal much more quickly if you don’t wear yourself out.” He led them to the door and ushered them through, saying, “Have a good day,” after which he closed the door behind them to enjoy a moment’s peace before moving on to his next patient.

They left the hospital in a silence that lasted until they were both inside the car, ready for their trip home.

“We’d best get back to the house,” Dave said as he slid in behind the wheel. “Your mum will be leaving for home this afternoon, and I think she was planning on preparing one last meal for us before she goes.”

“Yes, we daren’t miss that. It wouldn’t do at all to incur her wrath now,” Jen said in jest before continuing in a somewhat more serious vein. “It’s been good having her around. I imagine she’s been quite a big help to you, looking after me.”

“I will admit that yes, she’s been a big help, but there’s just something about living under the same roof as your mother-in-law that tends to get a bit frustrating after a while. I think it has to do with her having certain ways she likes to do things, and we have certain ways as well. Unfortunately, they aren’t always the same, so…”

“I think I understand, luv. It’s been a long time since I’ve lived in the same house as my mum, and while I was weaker, I was very appreciative of her being there to help. Now, I’m quickly reaching a point of looking forward to her going home myself.”

As they entered the house, they were greeted by first the aroma of the meal being prepared, and then by Josie as she came out of the kitchen. As soon as she saw them, she said, “Well, it’s about time you two got back. Any longer, and all my hard work would have gone for naught.”

“Gee, mum, it’s good to see you again too,” Jenny said as she walked up to her mum and gave her a hug. “We weren’t really gone that long, were we?”

“I was considering sending out a search party, but that would’ve required leaving my roast unattended.”

Dave jumped in, “At least good sense prevailed then.”

Josie halfheartedly swung at Dave’s head before saying, “Have a seat, it’ll be out in just a moment.”

After enjoying a wonderful meal, Dave carried Josie’s bags out to her car while Jen said her farewells to her mum. When they joined him in the drive, Dave came up to Josie and gave her a warm hug and kiss on the cheek. “Thank you so much for coming to help out. I’m not sure how I would’ve managed without you.”

“Oh, I suspect you’d have found a way, David Bond,” was her response. “I had best be on my way, if I want to make it home before midnight.”

“Be careful, mum, and thank you so much,” said Jen.

“Be sure to ring us when you get home,” Dave added.

“I will,” Josie said through a mist of tears. “Love you both. Talk to you soon.” With a wave, she climbed into the car, pulled out of the driveway, and was on her way home. Dave and Jenny stood waving until she had driven out of sight, then headed back inside the house.

As they entered the front room, Jenny said, “I’m knackered. Mind if I have a bit of a snooze?”

“Not at all, luv. I’ll just go out to the garage. There are a couple of little projects I’ve been meaning to take care of. I’ll wake you in a couple of hours, okay?”

“Sounds like a plan,” she said, then stretched out on the sofa for a nap.

As Dave set about the task of checking bike wheels to make certain they were all true, his thoughts overtook him.

_____________________

I suppose I knew all along at some level that she was going to want to return to racing, if at all possible. I’m just concerned that maybe she’s being a bit premature at the moment. I mean, it’s not that long ago she had major surgery, and as the doctor said, it’s going to take months for her to get back into ‘racing’ condition. Fact is, she might never make it back anywhere near her old level. Is it silly of me to not want her to be quite so anxious? Spend a little time enjoying life together, you know? Refresh your memory about what our life had once been like, that sort of thing.

But no, she can hardly wait to get back to her teammates in Germany, and back to racing. It’s nearly enough to make you wonder if there were any truth to the ‘cover story’ she had been feeding us before she came home. There’s no sense in questioning that, is there? I don’t suppose there’s any harm in her trying to get back into competition shape, as long as she doesn’t push herself so hard that she makes herself sick again. I mean, there’s no guarantee she’s going to be able to get herself back into that kind of shape, is there? And my guess is, if she can’t be the best anymore, she may decide to retire, rather than lose. That doesn’t make her desire any more palatable, however.

______________________

After a few hours of wrestling with bike wheels, Dave was certain of a couple of different things. One, that he was sick of wrestling with bike wheels, and two, that he still found Jenny’s ambitions for returning to world class cycling not terribly comforting.

Later that evening, after finishing up with tea and cleaning up the mess it had created, he went to check on Jen, who was reading in the front room. As he sat down facing her, she looked up and asked, “Everything back in its place then?”

“For the most part, yes. I don’t know about you, but I am absolutely exhausted. It’s been one heck of a day.”

“That it has, and although I haven’t done a thing, I’m about ready for bed myself.”

“Not all that surprising really, is it? I mean you are still in the early stages of your recovery. Your energy level is bound to be fairly low at times.”

“As usual, you’re right. Maybe I ought to just turn in.”

“Sounds good.”

So after making their nightly call to America to check up on the junior Bonds, Dave and Jen headed upstairs to bed. Both were so tired that they barely managed to crawl under the covers before sleep overtook them.

_____________________

The dark, silhouetted figure stood once again between Dave and the bedroom window, emanating his evil giggle, which slowly grew from nothing to fill the room, finally getting Dave’s attention. “Thank you for nursing her back to health for me!” said the evil stranger.

“I’ve done nothing for you! I told you before, she’s not yours!” Dave shouted back.

“Pity you’re so wrong,” said the stranger, whose voice oddly began changing. By the end of the next statement, it had taken on a German accent, and sounded strangely familiar. “She has always been mine, and will always be. You just haven’t realized it yet.” That evil laugh filled the room once more, as it gradually faded into silence and the stranger dissolved to nothing.

______________________

Dave woke up from another one of his strange dreams, to find himself lying in bed next to Jen, who was still fast asleep. He rolled over, but after failing to once again find sleep allowed his thoughts free reign of his mind.

______________________

How on Earth did she pull this off? To come through what probably should have killed her, and now here she is, getting stronger every day? Amazing…there’s simply no other way to put it.

Of course, that doesn’t mean everything is rosy around the Bond household. I can’t believe she’s even considering going back to racing. How could she? After everything it cost us, she wants to return to that exact same situation? What is it about that life that fascinates her so? I wish I knew. Maybe then I could understand.

I don’t know that I can tell her how I feel about her going away again. It might feel like forcing her to make a choice, and either way, we all lose. If she goes in spite of me saying I don’t want her to, I’ll feel as though she’s chosen racing over me. Not a good feeling, I’m sure. And if she were to stay because of what I say, then I’d be afraid she’d resent me for forcing her to give up something she loves. A complete no win situation. So I’ll probably keep my mouth shut and put on a brave face, like I always do. No sense putting hurt feelings on display for the world to see, is there?

I don’t think she’s said anything about this to the kids as of yet. I wonder how they’ll take it, should it come to pass? I don’t suppose Juliette will care for the idea at all. Of course, Drew won’t either, but he’s a little more understanding. I think he sees it more like a job than Jules does. She definitely took her mum’s absence from home more personally before, and no doubt will again.

____________________

Dave finally managed to get back to sleep, troubled though it was. By morning, he was actually feeling more tired than when he went to bed the night before…not a good way to start off the day. He slipped out of bed, showered, and dressed, then headed downstairs to start the tea. Just as the teapot signaled that it was ready, Jen made her appearance in the kitchen.

“Morning, luv,” Jen said between yawns.

“Don’t know that I’d call it good, but it is that. Sleep well?” Dave said, a little coldly.

“Not too bad, yourself?”

“I had trouble part of the night. Care for a cuppa?”

“Always. You off to work?” Jen took a seat at the dining table as Dave set a cup in front of her.

“Yes, I’ve almost caught up from when you were in hospital, but there’s still a lot to do. What’s on your agenda today?” Dave took the chair opposite and took a sip of his tea.

“Carol said something about a little shopping, but I don’t know if I’m up to it. She wears me out when we shop.”

“Well, please take it easy. You’re still recovering from fairly major surgery, and we don’t want you getting sick because you tried to do too much.”

“I promise, I’ll take it easy.”

“And stay off that turbo. I know you snuck out there earlier in the week, but the doctor said to rest.”

“Yes, dad,” she said teasingly. He finished off his tea, took the cup into the kitchen and set it in the sink, then came back to Jen’s side and gave her a kiss before heading out for work. She smiled at him as he left, then returned her attention to her cup of tea.

Dave’s day at work was filled with phone calls and paperwork…necessary evils that usually made the day drag interminably, but today were a good diversion from dwelling on the thoughts that have been keeping him awake at night. When he returned home from the mill, he found Jen on the phone.

“…I will, George. Hopefully we’ll see you then…Yes, me too…Goodbye.” Jen hung up the receiver just as she noticed Dave had returned home.

“How was your day?” she asked him as they both took seats in the front room.

“Long and monotonous. Yours?”

“Carol and I went to Meadowhall for a bit, then after I got back home, I just crashed with a book for a while. Then just before you got home, I got a call from George.”

“I kind of gathered that. What was that about?”

“We talked about my possibly returning to the team after the doctors tell me I can start training again, and he invited us to travel with them for the Atlanta Classic.”

“Isn’t that the…”

“…the race Gaby’s riding in, yes.”

“Why is the team going?”

“All the big teams use the Atlanta as a preseason warm up. It’s sort of a chance to introduce the team to the press, that sort of thing.”

“It would be nice to see Drew.”

“Apparently George is planning on starting a Junior Development program, and he wants Gaby to be the first member of the team.”

“You said Gaby. Does George realize Drew is actually a boy?”

“I don’t think he believes it, but what of it? Basically, it means the training staff will make suggestions for possibly improving practice routines, and they’ll be subsidizing training and travel costs, in exchange for wearing an Apollinaris jersey. Oh, and they will be encouraging the scheduling of a few events in France and Belgium, that sort of thing. It would be a great opportunity, and a big help financially.”

“I can’t argue that point. I just sometimes worry that everyone but me keeps forgetting that Drew really is a boy underneath it all.”

“I think I understand what you mean. I sometimes get so caught up that I lose track of what’s what.”

“What I still don’t understand is, what does all this have to do with us going to Atlanta?”

“George and the team will be hosting a post race press conference and then a reception, and he wants to announce the start of the program with the introduction of the first member.”

“But why are we going?”

“Well, for one thing, he just thought we’d like to go watch Gaby ride, and he’d like to have us on hand when they make the announcement about the development program. For another, it’s a chance for me to sign my new contract.”

“So you’re still serious about racing again?”

“Of course I am. What did you expect? For me to retire?”

“Well, the thought had crossed my mind.”

“Well not mine. I have titles to defend, and besides, I don’t have that many more years left that I can reasonably expect to be able to compete at that level.”

“I suppose I can see your point there, but I had thought…”

“You had thought that I might not be able to compete anymore,” she said with indignation in her voice. She then continued, with rising intensity, ”You thought I should retire? Maybe the cancer had taken too much out of me, and I couldn’t keep up? Is that what you thought?” She stands up and places her hands on her hips, “You want me to quit, don’t you? You want me to go back to teaching, so I’ll be home to take care of the kids, the cooking and the cleaning, just like it used to be, don’t you?”

“Well, frankly, yes.”

“You can just forget that!” she shouted, then stormed up the stairs, followed shortly by the sound of a door being slammed shut. Through all this, Dave remained seated on the sofa with a stunned look on his face.

_____________________

I don’t suppose that could really have been considered a surprise, could it? I mean, I knew she was maintaining as her goal a return to the racing circuit. Maybe I just didn’t think it would ever happen. Or is it something else? Am I doing something wrong here? Maybe she thinks I’m being too overly protective or something? It’s so hard to tell. I almost feel as if she’s become a stranger, instead of the woman I knew so well.

What exactly is the deal with her always calling Drew Gaby? I know the poor child is being Gab full time in America, but do we have to encourage it here as well? I’m not sure I’m ready to handle something like that. I’ve grown rather fond of my son over the years, and I’d like to keep him a while, if you don’t mind. Every indication I’ve got from him says that Gaby is an often less than welcome intruder in Drew’s life, so why does his mum seem so willing to allow her to completely take over Drew’s life?

_____________________

Once Dave had climbed the stairs, he found himself facing the locked door to their bedroom. He knocked lightly, then spoke tentatively, “Jen? Are you all right?” He waited for a few seconds to see if there would be any response, then knocked again, a little harder this time. “Jen?”

The sound of footsteps came toward the door, then it swung open. “What do you want?”

“I was just trying to take care of you. I understand that you love racing, and want to go back to it if at all possible. I’m just worried that you might try to push yourself further than you really should. You need to focus on getting well first.”

“That’s what I’m doing. But I have to go into this thinking that I’m going to race again. That’s all I’ve ever done, and it’s all I want to do. If I can’t, then what was the reason for having that surgery in the first place? Without racing, I don’t have much of a life.”

“What about the kids, and me?”

“That’s different. Yes, of course I want to be around for you all, but this past year, I got to feel something I had assumed I would never get the chance to experience, and I loved it. Racing locally is great fun, but when I stepped up to that level? That was the most phenomenal thing I could ever have imagined. I have to get back there, or try my damnedest at the very least, or I’m going to feel like I’ve given up. And I swear to you, I do not want to give up. Getting back into good condition is part of that. I promised not to push too hard for now, but I get the impression that you’d prefer it if I didn’t start back riding at all.”

“I think that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but your point is taken.”

“I understand that you’re concerned for my well being, and I promise to attempt to take things easy, for now.”

“I suppose that’s better than the alternative. Thank you.”

After evening tea, and a bit of television, Jen spoke up, “I’ll make the check in call tonight, if that’s all right?”

“Absolutely, I think the kids would prefer to talk to you rather than me most of the time.”

“Now, that’s not exactly fair, is it?”

“I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just that they’ve been so worried about you, and for so long they didn’t really get a chance to talk to you at all. When I talk to them, the bulk of the conversation is them asking about you, and that’s the way it should be. They were terrified they might be losing you forever.”

“Well, if you’re going to be all poetic and put it like that…”

With that, Jenny picked up the phone and placed the call…

“Hello, Brit, either of my kids close by?”

“Hi, Mrs. Bond. Yeah, here’s Jules.”

“Thank you Brittany.”

After a few seconds of silence: “Mum! Great to hear from you again.”

“Good to hear you too. How have things been going?”

“Good, really. We went on an interesting ride on a newly refurbished steam train. You should have seen Gaby when they took her back to the guard’s van and had her put on a full Victorian getup.”

“That would have been fun to see. What about you? No costumed adventures?”

“No, I leave that stuff to her. How are you doing?”

“Much better. The surgeon seems to think they may have got it all, so maybe I’ll be able to eventually return to something resembling normal activity.”

“That would be great.”

“Yes, I think so as well. Listen, I’m sorry to cut things short, but we need to try to keep this phone bill under control, so…”

“Let me get Gaby for you.”

“Thank you for understanding. Love you.”

After a few seconds, Drew had the receiver in a position where he could hear. “What's up Drew?” Jen asked from thousands of miles away.

“I was supposed to see Diane earlier but she didn't turn up.”

“Maybe something came up?” Jen proffered.

“I guess.”

“Jules was telling me you had quite an adventure yesterday?” she prompted.

“Yes, the train ride was fantastic, even if we did nearly get stranded in the snow.”

“So will I see any pictures?”

“Probably” Drew mumbled. “I'm sure someone took some.”

“Oh I meant to tell Jules, the Pinger's are coming to visit this weekend.” She sounded brighter at the prospect.

“Kewl, say hi to Kat for me.”

“I will. I'd best not run this phone up anymore”

“Okay,” Drew sniffed a bit.

“Talk to you tomorrow?”

“I hope so, we've got cheer practice though so I might not make it home for this time.”

“I'll try to call later then, take care son”

“Night Mum, love you”

“Love you too, night kiddo”

“Bye”

Jenny cuddled the receiver next to her ear for a moment after her youngest child had hung up, smiling to herself. Then she slowly lowered it into its cradle before heading upstairs to prepare for bed.
 
 
To be Continued...

Here I was, worrying about how Juliette has been dealing with everything that’s been going on, and I come home to find Drew; well, maybe I should say Gaby, sitting on the stairs in her mother’s things, in such an upset state! At this moment in time what my child is wearing is of little importance. What matters is my youngest is in pain, and I have to do something…anything…to make that pain go away.

“It’s alright…everything will be okay…I love you so much…shhh…don’t cry…I’m here now…” Dave sat there on that landing, holding his child, for who knows how long, just trying to comfort her with his words and his touch. When finally the distraught youngster began to calm somewhat, he helped her to bed, tucking her in, then picking up a blanket for himself and sitting down in a chair at her bedside, just in case his presence would be needed again.

“Night Drew, sleep tight.”

“Night Dad.”

 

Lost in Thought, Part 2
By Jillian

 
Here's part 2 of my Gaby fanfic.
 
Dave pulled the car into the driveway and turned off the engine, then let out a long sigh. “Well, best see what Drew’s been up to while I’ve been gone.” As he walks toward the front door, he comments, “At least he doesn’t appear to have burnt the place down.” And with that, he opens the front door and enters the house. After a quick check around the lower level, he heads for the stairs, and what he hopes will be a good night’s sleep. This was apparently not meant to be, as part way up the stairs, he saw something sitting on the landing.

"Drew? Is that you?" he flicked the light on, "Drew!" and climbed the last couple of steps to where his youngest child sat rocking on the top step.

“Dad”

He sat next to his son and hugged him close.

Through his sobs, Drew said, “Mum rang.”

“It’s alright son.”

_______________________________

Here I was, worrying about how Juliette has been dealing with everything that’s been going on, and I come home to find Drew; well, maybe I should say Gaby, sitting on the stairs in her mother’s things, in such an upset state! At this moment in time what my child is wearing is of little importance. What matters is my youngest is in pain, and I have to do something…anything…to make that pain go away.

______________________________

“It’s alright…everything will be okay…I love you so much…shhh…don’t cry…I’m here now…” Dave sat there on that landing, holding his child, for who knows how long, just trying to comfort her with his words and his touch. When finally the distraught youngster began to calm somewhat, he helped her to bed, tucking her in, then picking up a blanket for himself and sitting down in a chair at her bedside, just in case his presence would be needed again.

“Night Drew, sleep tight.”

“Night Dad.”

______________________________

What on Earth happened while I was gone? About the only thing I got out of all that is that Jen called. That must have been quite some conversation to upset Drew enough to push him to put on his mum’s things like that. I mean, yes, I’ve seen him appear as Gaby plenty of times, but I can’t remember ever seeing her make an appearance where there wasn’t some sort of reason or coercion involved. Is this a sign that something is changing? Is my child becoming more female? Or is this a onetime reaction to what he perceived as an extremely stressful situation? For a while there, I was afraid I was going to have to call the doctor or something for a sedative for the poor boy. I wish I’d been able to ease the pain more easily and quickly, but at least he eventually calmed down enough to go to sleep.

Does Jen have any idea how much she’s upset the children? I never in my entire life considered the possibility before that she didn’t, but does she care? Our daughter is so consumed by her anger toward her mother that she can barely control herself, and now our son has become so distraught over whatever this phone call was about that I don’t know if he’ll ever be the same again. I always thought they were such strong, well-centered kids; their world is being tossed upside down by the woman they trusted most, and both seem to be drowning in the turmoil that has ensued. And worst of all is I don’t know how to fix any of it. What am I going to do?

______________________________

A pained moan escapes from Drew’s sleeping form, bringing Dave to full attention, waiting in case there is a need to spring into action comforting his youngest once again. “Shhh…” he quietly says to the sleeping form, and waits to make sure the child isn’t waking up. He then settles back under his blanket with his thoughts.

______________________________

If I had made a fuss when this racing contract first came up, would things have turned out differently? Would we still be a happy family, together as always? Or would Jen have resented what she might have seen as my selfishness and left to find comfort elsewhere? I know it’s useless to speculate about such things, but that doesn’t stop me thinking about them. I can’t help it. It’s my job to make things better for my kids, and in this case, I just don’t know what to do. Maybe she would have left, even without the job racing. Maybe she was just that unhappy with me. If so, I am so very sorry Jen. The last thing in the world I would have ever wanted was to make you unhappy. But then, I can’t help thinking that if she hadn’t gone, she might not have got so lonely and needed someone else. Then all Jules would have to be mad about would be the usual teenaged angst things, instead of having the lightning rod of her mother to serve as the focus for all her hatred. And I can only assume that if their mother had been here, Drew wouldn’t have felt the need to put on those clothes just to feel close to her again.

Is that it? She’s just lonely? Being so far away from home, alone in a strange country? I’m not sure I like that explanation any better than her meeting and falling in love with her dream man in Germany, and now feels she must stay with him. Oh, who am I kidding? I hate every option that ends with Jen not coming home. I still love you, Jen. I always have, I hope you know that. God, I wish you could read my mind right now. I don’t think I’ve ever been able to put into words just how much I love you. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wished I could.

Dave, would you look at yourself for a moment here? You’re a bit of a mess emotionally yourself, and you’re trying to help your kids through this even though you haven’t even begun to navigate through it yourself. It’s a bit like the proverbial blind leading the blind, isn’t it?

______________________________

Sitting there in the darkness watching the sleeping form of his youngest born, Dave begins to whisper to the child, “Oh Drew, or Gaby, or…what did your mum say to you? You’ve been so strong about all this, so what must have been said to bring this reaction out in you? I hope you know how much I love you, no matter what you do. Please don’t try to hide from this situation. You’re stronger than that. I’ve seen you do things by will alone that you should never have been able to do physically, so I know you can get through this. And I promise you will not have to go through it alone, because I will always be by your side.

“I don’t care if you’re a cycling champion. I don’t care if you grow up to be a big shot businessman. I don’t care if you grow up to be a big, strong man, or if you never grow another inch or gain a pound. I don’t even care if you want to wear skirts, or purple hair, or whatever. All I care about is that you keep trying hard, and remember that I love you and am always here for you. You and your sister are my greatest pleasures in this world. I hope you know that.”

Drew shifts under the duvet, and Dave stops talking to see if he’s going to wake up. After a moment, the boy settles back into a deep but somewhat troubled sleep.

______________________________

Oh, my beautiful little boy, what must be going through your mind right now? Do you want to be a girl? Or is all this Gaby stuff just a fun game to play once in a while? I used to believe that it really was just something that Maddy cooked up to have a spot of fun, but now I’m not so sure. The fact that in a moment when you needed comfort and security, you chose to dress as a girl…no, that’s not entirely accurate, is it? You dressed up in your mum’s things. You have plenty of girl clothes of your own, so why choose hers? Because you needed to feel close to her, even if she is doing everything she can to pull apart from us. I think I understand why you did this tonight; in a way it makes perfect sense. It has nothing to do with Gaby really, does it?

You know that I still love your mother, even in spite of all this, but at this moment I swear that love is being overshadowed by anger that she could do this to you. Let’s be honest, it’s anger that she could do this to us. I’m not one to give in to such negative emotions, but in this case it’s becoming quite difficult to keep from doing just that.

I don’t know if she’s even all that interested in being a part of your life anymore. That’s an awful thing to even think, but given the circumstances, what else can I think? Look at you, in such torment, brought on simply by talking to your mum on the telephone. How is that possible? How could someone who supposedly loves her children do something like that to one of them merely by talking to them on the phone?

I know you’ve always worshipped your mum. Is that it? She’s pulling away from us, and you felt you needed to be close to her so much that you latched onto the only surrogate you could get hold of, her clothes?

I feel like I’ve failed you somehow, Drew. I’ve been so worried about your sister and the way she took your mum’s announcement that I failed to give you the same level of concern. I am so sorry. I swear to you, that will never happen again. You are far too important to me to ever take your emotions and concerns lightly. In a way, I’ve failed both of you. If I had made more certain your mother knew how much I love her and missed her…well, maybe not. That might have helped things, but it also might have made her feel worse about being away, and who knows how she would have responded to that.

__________________________

Dave had drifted off while sitting beside Drew’s bed. At some point, his hand, which had been in his lap, slipped and hit the side rail of the bed, the impact rousing him from his light, troubled slumber. He looked at his child and was instantly consumed yet again by his deep desire to make everything in that child’s world perfect. “If only it were that simple,” he whispered, mostly to himself.

_________________________

I haven’t been very accepting of you, Gaby, have I? Oh, I’ve tolerated your appearances, and even occasionally saw the humor in the situations that sometimes brought them about, but I’ve had some difficulties seeing you as anything more than a game that Drew has been playing. Or more often than not, a game Drew gets talked into playing by Maddy, or Brit, or his mum, or…I just never considered the possibility that there was something more going on than that. Not exactly fair of me, is it? I assumed it wasn’t something that was important to you because you’ve always made some protest before giving in and making another appearance as Gaby. Now, I’m not so sure. From the very first time, back at Christmas, once you got past your initial problems with appearing in public as a girl, you’ve always seemed more at ease and comfortable…you might even say more natural…as Gaby. Is this becoming something you need to do? Or is it still that game? I can’t tell anymore, and the thing that scares me is I’m not sure you can either. Do you know what you want to do? Do you even realize these are questions that need answers?

Maybe I’m the one who’s got it all wrong, who knows? If being Gaby makes you happy, then it’s my job to make sure you get that opportunity. And if it doesn’t, then it’s my place to protect you from doing something you don’t want to do. I guess that’s the only thing that’s really important, isn’t it? Have I done that for you? I don’t really think I have, but then I can’t be sure, because I have no idea what it is you really want or need.

This all confuses and scares me; I can’t even imagine what it’s like for you. I’ve seen you display more courage and strength than anyone I’ve ever met, and yet here you are…I don’t know what to do.

__________________________

“I think maybe we both need help figuring some things out,” Dave suddenly spoke to his still sleeping child. “Can you tell me what it is you want to do? So I can help you do that?”

As Drew continued sleeping an obviously still troubled sleep, as was clear from the way he would move or make odd moaning sounds periodically, Dave found himself feeling the need to reach out for help.

__________________________

I don’t think anyone would ever take me for an overly religious man. But Lord, I am in real need of help here. My child is so troubled, and I don’t have the slightest idea how to ease his burden. His mother has, for whatever reason, left us. The mother this boy has looked up to as nothing short of a superhero, who he has tried to emulate in so many ways, told him something today…what I have no idea…that has devastated the poor child, and I need more than anything in this world to help him get over it. But I simply have no idea how to do it.

This lovely child, with the face of an angel and the spirit of a tiger, who has never backed down from any challenge that’s ever been put in front of him, needs your help. He’s always done whatever he could to help others, no questions asked. Now I’m asking on his behalf, please help him get through this turmoil, and please give him the strength to rise above it in the end.

_________________________

“You know son,” Dave softly spoke once again into the dark bedroom, “I haven’t ever told you this, but I admire your strength. Oh, you know I love you, but I also admire the person you are becoming. I admire the way you never give up. I admire the way you stand up for what’s right, even when doing so could cause you problems. I admire the loyalty you show toward your friends, no matter what is going on. These are all wonderful qualities, and the fact that you demonstrate through your words and actions just how much you value them makes me so proud to be your father. Please don’t let outside influences change those things about you that are such admirable qualities.”

Dave moved closer to his son, and gently brushed the child’s hair with his hand. Drew began to stir, at which Dave withdrew his hand, not wanting to wake him.

___________________________________________________

How many times have I told that boy to get his hair cut? Now I’m starting to see that reluctance to do so in a different light. Maybe he was trying to tell us something without coming right out and saying it. Just maybe, he never wanted to get his hair cut because it is such an integral part of Gaby. Oh, he makes a fuss when he’s mistaken for a girl when out in public, but is that all just for show? If he were serious in his displeasure, wouldn’t he just go out and get all that hair chopped off? Of course, even if he did something like that, would it bring a halt to strangers walking up and calling him Gaby? I’m afraid that if I’m being totally honest, the answer is probably no. Looking at the child objectively, I must admit that his every feature clearly says “girl” to one and all who see her. The hair is little more than icing on the cake.

Deep down, is this what my child wants? I wish I knew, but it seems as if even he doesn’t know. Actually, I wish there were no need for any kind of decision to be made. Should we get in touch with a doctor who knows something about this stuff? Of course we should, but the last thing in the world I would want to do is have my child make such a monumental decision based on being influenced to make a change by a complete stranger. He’s so unsure, maybe it would be best to just let him explore his feelings on his own for a bit…reach some conclusions on his own…before we bring in some sort of clinical expert. But on the other hand, maybe talking to someone who knows a bit about this sort of thing would help him figure out what he wants. It’s possible that without some sort of guidance, the questions may never be resolved, and I can’t help but think that would be by far the worst option of the lot.

Oh my, is that really the sun starting to come up? I didn’t realize it was that time already. I’d best remember to give Frank a call in a bit, let him know that I need to stay with Drew today. There’s no way in this world I would let him be alone after last night. We need to talk about so many things; I just hope I’m up to the task.

I know he’s going to want to talk about his mum. What do I say? Should I put on a brave front, tell him everything is going to be all right? Do I just say she’s left us, not coming back, and we’re going to move on without looking back? Or tell him the truth, that I’ve no idea what’s going to happen?

I think the problem is, I’m just as confused as he is. I’m angry with her for doing this to me, to us. I’m sad for the loss of my love. I’m scared for the future of my family. I’m worried about the long-term effects all this is going to have on my children. Is she going to ask that the kids go live with her in Germany? Or is she discarding all of us as superfluous to the requirements of her new life as a worldwide celebrity?

So many questions, and not an answer in sight. It’s little wonder Drew tried to find some comfort and solace in his mum’s old things. It’s almost enough to push me toward something similar.

Okay Dave, time to pull yourself back together, for the kids. They’re going to need you to be strong, the rock, and you can’t let them down. You mustn’t ever let them down.

__________________________

“Daa-aad!”

“Drew?” Dave was already in the room, sat in a chair with a blanket over him.

“Why, what?” Drew plucked at what he was wearing.

“You were wearing it when I got home Drew, I didn’t want to make an issue of it so I let you be”

“I, I don’t remember” Dave sat on his son’s bed and hugged him.

“It’s alright. We all do strange things when we’re upset or stressed”

“Mum rang”

“You said”

“She’s not coming back Dad”

“We’ll see”

“She’s gone Dad”

“Come on son, let’s get some breakfast. I’ll call in sick; I’m not leaving you alone today. You might want to change?”

With that Dave got up, ruffled Drew’s hair and headed out.

“So what’s got you upset? Aside from just seeing her?”
“She’s gone back to Peters.”
“Changed her name, eh?”
“Yeah”
“I don’t suppose that’s too big a surprise, although the timing does seem a bit sudden. Is that what’s bugging you?”
“Yes, at least partially. I had built up in my mind that there was a chance we could make some progress toward reconciliation, but once I found out about the whole name business, I said I couldn’t stay and left.”
“I think I can understand that. And if she’s thinking clearly, I’d bet she can as well.”
“That’s the thing, I’m not sure what she’s thinking. And the other thing that’s bothering me, is she isn’t looking well.”
“Now that could be your imagination. Your subconscious looking for something that isn’t there. And even if what you’re saying is true, maybe it’s just the flu or something. As much as she’s been traveling, it’s bound to have worn down her resistance quite a bit.”
“True”
“Listen Dave, you hang in there. If anyone can make their way through this, it’s you. Just give it time. Everything will work out.”

 

Lost in Thought, Part 3
By Jillian

 
Well, if this isn’t the most awkward position I’ve ever found myself in, then I can’t for the life of me tell you what was. Sitting here in the lobby of the Hotel Bristol, waiting for the love of my life, the mother of my children, who oh, by the way doesn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. Yes, this is bound to be a pleasant evening…NOT!

Am I ever going to find out what the heck is going on? Do I really want to know? Well of course I want to know, this is Jen we’re talking about, after all. Maybe if I just come right out and ask if she’d consider coming back home, no questions asked? That would be the noble thing to do. I’m just not sure I’m that noble at the moment.
_________________________
Dave saw her first and stood to greet her, not the loving hug and kiss of old, but an awkward, somehow remote squeeze. Jen looked bright enough, why shouldn't she? But the old joy in her eyes was absent. Come to think of it, it wasn't there last time they had seen her either.
“Jen” Dave stepped back
“Hi kids”
“Hi Mum” Drew allowed
“Yeah” Jules added
“You got a hug for your Mum?”
They both went and took part in mostly one-way hugs.
“So, you guys ready to eat?” she asked brightly
“We eating here?” Dave asked
“They've got a party tonight” Mum replied
________________________
All these weeks I’ve been hoping for a chance to talk, to try and figure out a way to fix things, and now here we are, and I don’t even know where to begin. And what’s worse is even if I knew what I wanted to say; I’m getting the feeling that you’re not interested in listening. So why exactly am I here then?
___________________________
“I've made reservations in a little place just down the road”
“Can we walk?” Dave asked
“Yes, it's not far.” She checked her watch. “Well, shall we go? The reservation's for seven.”
They walked to the restaurant, Jenny and Dave trying to keep a neutral conversation going, the kids trailing along behind.
“So how’ve you been?” Dave began.
“Oh, fine,” Jen replied.
“That’s good. So how’d things go in Australia?”
“Good.”
“I suppose they have you jetting all over the place these days. Everyone wants a piece of the World Champion, eh?”
“Yes, it’s getting a bit tedious actually. I never seem to have a moment’s rest.”
“Well, maybe things will ease up a bit soon, eh?”
“Yes, they might.”
“How’re Maria and the rest of the team getting on?”
“Oh, fine. Have you heard from mum?”
“Yes, she calls to check in from time to time. You really should give her a call yourself once in a while. She is your mother, after all.”
“I know, but things have been so busy with all the traveling and public appearances and such. I just never seem to have a moment free.”
“Well, please make a moment, will you?” Dave asked. As the conversation continued along these same lines, Dave found his mind beginning to roll through all the things he wanted to say but couldn’t, all the things he was thinking, but knew this was neither the time nor place to address.
______________________
My, aren’t we an abundance of information this evening? I can’t remember ever feeling this awkward talking with her. It makes me very sad. Sad and angry at the same time. No, we shan’t be going there this evening. This is a time for the kids to get a chance to see their mum. Not for me to fire my barrage of questions trying to figure out just exactly what’s going on here.
Why so evasive? It’s as if she’s not wanting to share anything with me, like she’s trying to cut me from her life completely. What on Earth has really brought all this on? There’s more going on than we’re being told, of that I’m certain. I just don’t know what we’re missing.
______________________
“So how are John and Carol getting on? I haven’t had a chance to talk to either of them for ages,” Jen made another attempt at small talk.
“They’re doing fine, all things considered. They’re very concerned about what’s going on with us. You really should make an attempt to keep in touch.”
“You’re probably right there.”
“Of course I am. Carol is your family. She’s also one of your oldest and closest friends. And yet…”
“Yet what?”
“No, this is neither the time nor place.”
“You’re right about that.”
With that they both became very quiet, as if neither one wanted to further spoil the evening for the kids. So they walked on in a most uncomfortable silence, broken only by the usual noises encountered on the city streets.
____________________
Thank God, there’s the restaurant. I used to be able to listen to this woman talk about anything in the world, and find it the most enjoyable thing I could possibly do. Now, I don’t know. Everything is just so forced it’s almost painful.
______________________
The four of them enter the restaurant, and are greeted by the waiter.
“We have a table booked, Peters” Jen mentioned when the waiter greeted them.
“Ah yes Mrs. Peters, table for four”
“Its Miz” she told him
He sort of half shrugged and led them to a table in the window. After distributing the menus he retired to the bar and Dave looked almost tearful.
“So you're using Peters then?” he mentioned, a hurt look on his face.
“It, er. . . well seemed appropriate”
“Seventeen years of marriage means that much to you!” he almost spat. “Were you going to tell me some time?”
____________________
Not messing about, are you Ms. Peters? And here I was thinking that maybe there was a chance that if we talked we might be able to patch things up. Well obviously, that’s not exactly in the cards, is it?
Maybe I’m being out of line here, but I can’t help but feel hurt by all this. I mean really, never so much as a hint anything was bothering her, then out of the blue she announces she’s leaving me, then wham, next thing I know she’s gone back to using her maiden name. And not the least bit remorseful either.
I’m afraid if I stay here much longer…maybe I’d best get out of here before we get too involved in the meal.
_____________________
“Sorry kids, I'm not staying.” Dave went on, “I'll say or do something I'll regret”
“We're coming too,” Jules stated, moving to get up
“Dave! Kids!” Jen pleaded
“No Jules, you two stay with your Mum, ring me when you're done and I'll come and get you.”
“Dave I didn't mean…” Jen’s voice trailed off as he was already out of the door.
Dave, nearly in tears, started walking, not really paying all that much attention to where he was going. As he wandered the streets, his mind started drifting from one subject to another.
______________________

Wow! That was a bit of a surprise, eh? I suppose if I were able to see any of this objectively, the whole name thing might have made sense, but damn it, I can’t! And more to the point, I won’t! She can’t expect me to just discard seventeen years of my life because it’s inconvenient for her, can she? Okay, so maybe she doesn’t see things that way, but I can’t help it. I had assumed that “’til death do us part” was a fairly literal phrase. Maybe I was out of line for thinking such a thing, but that’s me.

I hope Jules doesn’t burn any bridges this evening. She’s so angry and hurt by all of this, and has no idea how to deal with any of it. Drew’s hurt, for certain, but he doesn’t seem to be angry like his sister. I’m worried about both of them, to tell the truth. But Jules is definitely the more pressing issue at the moment. She’s letting all this affect her schoolwork, which she was prone to letting slide more than she should anyway, and she’s a bit of a loose cannon of late. The time at her Gran’s seemed to help a little, but this tonight; she’s as bad as ever, and doesn’t seem to care. Liable to blow up at any time, over just about anything.

I don’t know what I was expecting this evening. Maybe I thought spending a little time together would make her come to her senses or something; want to come back home. Obviously, I’ve been deluding myself if I’ve really been thinking that way. She’s got this great life, running all over the world, celebrity parties in exciting cities, getting paid to ride a bike; why on Earth would she want to come back to living in Warsop with the kids and I? She’s just taking advantage of a chance to see what life would have been like had she made different choices. Unfortunately for us, it’s looking like she’s going to choose the other life, rather than us.

I guess I can understand something of that. How different would my life have been, had we not got married and had kids? Well, I’d probably be digging up castles instead of working for Frank at the mill, for one thing. But unless you get a teaching post at university, it’s kind of difficult to make the kind of living necessary to maintain a house and raise a couple of kids. That’s a fine life for a single kid, not a family man. Even ignoring the money aspect, being dragged away to distant locations to work long hours out in the sun, being away from home for months at a time. I don’t think I could do it. But that’s exactly what Jen’s done. So maybe I understand what she’s thinking better than I thought?

Now that I think of it, Jen didn’t look well. Tired, understandably so, but I can’t shake the feeling it’s more than that, like a touch of the flu or something. It was her eyes, mainly. They used to sparkle so, but tonight that shine was missing. Could that be the sadness of the situation? I don’t know, but somehow in the back of my mind, I don’t think so.

________________________

“I suppose I ought to grab a bite to eat,” Dave mumbled as he looked up and happened to catch a glimpse of a small diner. He walked in the door and went immediately to the counter, taking one of the stools at the ‘bar’.

“Get you anything?” The older lady working behind the counter asked before he even had a chance to look at the menu.

“Er . . . how about a cheeseburger? And coffee.”

“Coming right up,” came her entirely too cheery voice.

It was only then that Dave began to look around the diner, and caught sight of a young couple huddled in a corner booth, giggling as they ate.

“I remember…”

“Remember what?” the waitress’ voice interrupted any further musings as she set the coffee cup in front of him.

“Nothing,” he tried to brush her off.

“Didn’t sound like nothing. I’m not exactly a bartender, but I do know how to listen, and things are a bit quiet around here this evening. If you change your mind and want to chat, just let me know”

“That’s very kind of you, but…”

“Say no more,” there was a bell sounded from behind her, and with that she headed over to the window that passed from the kitchen to the counter, picked up a plate, and brought it back over to Dave. “I’ll be right over there if you need anything.”

He quickly ate his sandwich and drank his coffee in silence, then left a generous tip for the lady’s kindness, and once again headed out into the cold. “This wind is getting a bit chilly. Maybe I’ll just go wait in the car for the kids’ call,” and with that he strolled head down toward the hotel, where he had parked.
______________________
It’s probably not healthy, me going over and over these same things constantly like this. Not if I want to have any hope of ever…oh, who am I trying to kid here? I don’t want to get over her. I still love her. And I’d still love to be able to work things out and return to something vaguely approximating normal. Not that there’s much hope of that.
_______________________
After sitting there in silence for a few minutes, Dave took out his cell phone, and pulling up the number from it’s phone book, pressed ‘talk’. On the second ring, there was an answer.
“Hello?”
“Caroline, it’s Dave. Did I catch you at a bad time?”
“Not at all. What’s wrong? Nothing with the kids I hope.”
“No, they’re fine, all things considered. They’re having dinner with Jen at the moment.”
“And you didn’t think you could take sitting there with them?”
“That’s about the size of it.”
“So what’s got you upset? Aside from just seeing her?”
“She’s gone back to Peters.”
“Changed her name, eh?”
“Yeah”
“I don’t suppose that’s too big a surprise, although the timing does seem a bit sudden. Is that what’s bugging you?”
“Yes, at least partially. I had built up in my mind that there was a chance we could make some progress toward reconciliation, but once I found out about the whole name business, I said I couldn’t stay and left.”
“I think I can understand that. And if she’s thinking clearly, I’d bet she can as well.”
“That’s the thing, I’m not sure what she’s thinking. And the other thing that’s bothering me, is she isn’t looking well.”
“Now that could be your imagination. Your subconscious looking for something that isn’t there. And even if what you’re saying is true, maybe it’s just the flu or something. As much as she’s been traveling, it’s bound to have worn down her resistance quite a bit.”
“True”
“Listen Dave, you hang in there. If anyone can make their way through this, it’s you. Just give it time. Everything will work out.”
“I hope you’re right. I just wish I knew what ‘everything will work out’ means.”
“All will be revealed, Grasshopper.” They both giggled a bit at that.
“You’re something else, you know that? A good friend. Thanks for listening.”
“Any time Dave, you know that. Now you take care of those kids, and let me know if you need anything, alright?”
“I will. Thanks again. Bye.”
“Bye Dave.”
And with that he broke the connection, leaned his head back against the seat, and let out a loud sigh.
_____________________
Maybe Caroline’s right, and it’s just my imagination grasping at straws. Or even if what I think I saw is real, maybe it’s not that she’s ill or anything, just the whole fame thing getting to her. She wouldn’t be the first to achieve celebrity only to find it wasn’t what they expected at all. I imagine things get a bit out of hand at times, dealing with reporters and whatnot. That might be enough to snuff the life right out of you, I imagine.
Strange the things you notice, like it struck me how similar Drew is to Jen tonight; almost like he’s a reflection of her youth. The same nose, same eyes…it’s uncanny. I’m sure if I mentioned this to Drew, he’d take it all wrong. He’s been particularly touchy about things like that of late…really, ever since that night he became so upset after the phone call. While there’s a large part of that child that is truly feminine, there’s another part that’s all boy. Sometimes it seems the two parts are warring for control, and it’s a close battle.
Juliette, on the other hand, has the look of my mum about her. Where Drew takes after Jen’s family, Jules is all Bond. You can look all day long, and not see a bit of Peters in the girl.
_____________________
The ringing of his phone interrupted any further thoughts, as Jules was calling for Dave to come pick them up from the restaurant. Just a couple of minutes later, he was pulling up outside said establishment, Jules trying to get the door open and climbing in before the car had even come to a complete stop.
“You two okay?”
“Yeah, “ Drew told him as he joined Jules in the backseat, “where've you been?”
“Just walking son, thinking” he put the car in gear and drove past the restaurant; the silhouette of his estranged love in the window just polarized things. Jules managed to resume a sort of half hug round her brother, still sniffing back tears.
“You were walking all this time, that's like two hours”
“Well I did get a burger” he allowed
“It's the name thing isn't it?”
“We haven't even talked to lawyers yet,” he replied over his shoulder, “it's like she wants rid of me, us as quick as possible.”
The car descended into silence, a state that remained in place all the way home punctuated only by Jules' occasional sobs.

“Wish I'd been there” Mad mentioned
“Well you can see it tomorrow, I'm sure Gran'll put it on, eh Dad?”
“Sure she will” Dave mentioned from up front as they skirted Uttoxeter on their way over to the kid’s Gran's near Nantwich.
 

Lost in Thought, Part 4
By Jillian

 
Well, Maddy’s certainly enthused about the prospect of hearing about Drew’s evening at that awards show. I wish I could share her enthusiasm, but I am glad that he had a good time at least. He deserves to have some fun with his mum once in a while. It’s better than him hating her all the time like his sister seems intent to do.
_____________________

“Wish I'd been there” Mad mentioned
“Well you can see it tomorrow, I'm sure Gran'll put it on, eh Dad?”
“Sure she will” Dave mentioned from up front as they skirted Uttoxeter on their way over to the kid’s Gran's near Nantwich.
_____________________

Of course she’ll want to watch it. It’s her daughter after all, isn’t it? Even if she is a bit peeved at her at the moment, she’s going to want to see Jen get that award. I’ll just have to brave my way through it. If it gets too tough, I’ll just make my excuses and leave the room.

I wish I understood everything that’s going on here. From what Drew said when we picked him up, it sounded a bit like Jen was starting to wonder if there was a chance for her to come home. Would that were true. I swear, as pathetic as it may seem, I’d welcome her back in a heartbeat. However, I’m not sure the kids would do the same. Oh, I know Drew would, but I’m not so sure about Juliette. She’s still stinging pretty severely from this whole thing. What to do?
______________________

“So did you meet anyone famous?” Mad was still at it, trying to pry more and more details from Drew.

“Well, actually I mostly met wives and girlfriends of stars. We were sat in a different section from the award nominees. I did meet Victoria Beckham.”

“What was she like?”

“It was a bit difficult to tell, really. I was a bit busy doing the goldfish thing at the time, and I think she found it a bit off putting, to be honest.”

With that Mad started giggling, which got Drew started, and for a few minutes the sounds of Jules singing along with her CD player were lost in the background of their infectious humour.
______________________

Drew is definitely in high spirits this morning. Good, he’s been down in the dumps far too much of late. He’s still a kid. He deserves to enjoy his last bit of childhood.

Maddy was definitely feeling a bit apprehensive this morning about the tandem ride tomorrow. I suppose I can understand a bit of that. She feels like she’s filling in for Jen, and is terrified she can’t measure up. Hopefully she can get over that and enjoy the ride. It’s a fairly good course for an inexperienced tandem rider, fairly flat.

Jules is being very quiet this morning…if you don’t count the occasional song line sung out accidentally, that is. I’m afraid she’s still harboring some fairly negative feelings toward her mum; and I don’t have the slightest idea what to do about it. I mean, I’ve reached a point where I am more or less past the anger, what’s it going to take for her to get there as well?
______________________

“So, is this course very hilly? Is it straight?” Maddy asked question after question about the race, not really expecting much, or any for that matter, answer from her traveling companions, all of whom seemed to be off in their own little worlds. “Are you sure I can do this? I’m worried. Twenty-five miles is a terribly long way. What happens if I hit a point where I can’t go on?” She was reaching a point of tormenting herself with every negative thing she could imagine happening during the race the next day.

She carried on in a similar vein for most of the duration of the trip, only occasionally getting responses from Drew to her incessant questioning.
_______________________

Nearly there, and it’s about time too. I could really use a little bit of relaxation after that drive. Once we get settled, I’m sure mum’ll want to sit down with some tea to discuss how things have been of late. Then I’ll be able to relax a bit. Am I ever looking forward to that. Ah, there’s Nantwich just ahead.
_______________________

“Hi Gran!”
“Hi kids, Dave”
“Hi Mum”
“Come on in, I've got the kettle on.”
Gran's place was doing Christmas — big style! Fake snow on the windows, a big holly wreath on the front door and enough decorations inside to make Santa nauseous! To be truthful the Bond residence was looking a bit mean this year, a few cards and a few bits of tinsel. No tree, no fairy lights — well they weren't going to be there much were they? And it was usually something they did with Jen.
“So kids, are you wearing fancy dress in the morning?” Gran asked as Mad and Drew helped with the washing up.
“Never thought,” Drew allowed.
“It's a fancy dress event?” Mad asked.
“Didn't this lummox tell you?” Gran went on.
“No he didn't” Mad huffed.
“Drew and his Mum won the fancy dress last year.”
“You never said” Mad looked accusingly at Drew.
“I forgot okay”
Mad was now in sulk mode.
“I've still got last years costumes upstairs, you could wear them?” Gran suggested
“Graaan” Drew groaned
“Could we?” Mad perked up immediately, “Drew, please?”
“Go on Drew, you did win last year” Gran cajoled
_____________________________

Drew may not be too keen on the idea of repeating his appearance from last year, but Maddy is absolutely bubbling at the prospect. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that she’s going to get her way. That boy will do nearly anything to make her happy. It’s rather cute, really.

Well, there it is. It would appear Gaby is to make an appearance again this year. I suspect that at least part of Drew doesn’t mind the fancy dress as much as he lets on, and in any case as he’s never able to say no to Maddy; any misgivings he might have harbored are, as always, quickly dispatched. It’s cute, the way she can talk him into nearly anything. I hope he can manage to exercise a little self-control, should she decide to push their relationship further along, as it were. I really don’t fancy being a grandparent just yet.
____________________________

“Three, two, one, go! Good luck girls!” And with that, Xena and Gaby set off on their timed tour of the Cheshire countryside.

“I hope they’ll be alright on that thing. I always told Jen I thought it looked like a deathtrap.”

“I’m sure they’ll be alright mum. Gaby’s a good rider, and Mad’s coming along as well. At least with the Xena wig we can tell them apart. Sometimes they look so much like twins it’s scary.” And with that, Dave let out a nervous chuckle.

“Yes, they do both have the look of Peters women, don’t they?”

As the tandem trundled out of sight, the conversation took a turn. “Mum?”

“Yes Dave?”

“I’m a bit worried about Jen. The last time I saw her, she wasn’t looking all that well. I tried to explain it away as just being tired, or maybe a touch of the flu, but the more I think about it, the more worried I become.”

“I hope you’re wrong. Oh, now you’re going to have me worrying as well. We’ll have to make sure to look closely when the awards show is on. See if she’s looking under the weather.”

“I frankly hope it’s my imagination. I’d hate to think she’s sick and I can’t do anything to take care of her.”

“I’m glad to hear that this mess hasn’t driven you away. I almost expected you to be so angry with her that you wouldn’t concern yourself with how she’s doing. But then that’s not really your way, is it? You’re still hoping she’ll decide to come back, aren’t you?”

“That obvious, is it?”

“Only to those who have eyes.”

“Am I being stupid?”

“No, you love her. And it’s not in your nature to give up on something you care about. The fact that you still care after what she’s done makes me admire you even more. If she should decide she wants to come back, I’m glad you seem willing to at least discuss the idea. It may be more than she deserves at the moment. You’re the best son-in-law a mum could ask for, David Bond.”

“I don’t know about that.”

“I do. Now quit arguing with me,” she said with a laugh.
_________________________

Frankly, I’m glad I’m more or less past the anger toward Jen. I could stand here and say that’s not my way, but what does that mean, really? I can’t help but still be in love with her. She’s the only woman I’ve ever truly, completely loved, and I don’t want to try to imagine my life without her. I suspect that’s where some of the anger came from…the prospect of not being with her anymore. From what Drew said yesterday, maybe she’s coming around. Realizing that maybe she made a mistake. Maybe she’s just not sure how to come home. Well, all she really needs to do is call, and I’ll tell her. Get on a damned plane, that’s how. Anything else, we can work out together. That’s what marriage is, isn’t it? Working out problems together?

It’s just occurred to me…this is sort of a birthday for Gaby. It was a year ago she made her first appearance. Funny how in that time she’s almost become like a third child. While there’s part of me that wishes Drew had never dressed up as Gaby, there’s another part that I think would actually miss my youngest daughter, if she were gone. Odd, isn’t it?

I’m almost ashamed to admit this, but there’s a part of me that’s glad Juliette has had her head buried in her Discman the past couple of days. She’s made no secret of her problems with her mother’s behavior of late, and frankly the lack of her usually constant complaining has made for a pleasant respite. She would be the one real hurdle if Jen were to want to come back home. Of course, even the thought that she might want to is pure speculation…nay, wishful thinking…on my part.

On top of everything else, I think Jules is actually jealous of Gaby sometimes. I don’t quite understand why that might be, but I can’t shake the feeling that’s the case. It’s almost as if she thinks Gaby is Drew’s way of encroaching on “her” territory or something. If Gaby is going to continue making appearances, and I have little doubt of that point at the moment, I guess I’m going to have to figure out a way to ensure Juliette doesn’t feel left out, or less important. I do still have dreams of raising two well-adjusted kids, after all. Though I wonder if that’s in the cards.
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“Alright everyone, here they come finishing their first lap. Let’s give them a big cheer, see if we can give them a boost, eh?” Dave said to everyone, but in particular to his eldest daughter, who up to this point hadn’t shown any signs she had the slightest clue where she was, she was so engrossed in her CD player.

They all moved up to the edge of the road, and as soon as the duo was in sight, they began shouting encouragement at the top of their lungs. “Go Gabs…Push Mad…Go, go, go…Keep going kids…Come on Drew…” and the like until they were past and nearly out of sight once again. Then Jules returned to her CD player, Gran took a seat in the camper, and Dave just sort of stood there, staring off into space.
________________________

I must admit, they’re doing better than I expected. After their trial run the other day, I was a bit concerned about Maddy’s ability to keep up a competitive pace. Obviously, Drew’s not going full bore, but she’s keeping up with him. Of course, the real test comes in about twelve miles, when they’re coming around toward the finish.

I know Drew told his mum about Maddy riding the tandem with him today. I wonder if she felt any pangs at the thought? I’d like to think she did. I would suspect that the thought of someone taking her place in the race would make her rather sad. In this past year, the tandem had kind of become a special thing for her and Drew to share, and someone taking her place would probably leave a fairly empty feeling in the pit of her stomach. At least that’s what I think.

You know, I would have thought we would have heard something from the doctor about that second round of tests he decided to run on Drew. I suppose if the results came out the same as before, there wouldn’t really be any need for a detailed report, would there? And then there’s the battery of tests they did at the training center the other day. I wonder if any of those results might shed some light on things for the other doctor? Is there any way to get them to share those results? I’ll have to remember to check into that. Maybe they could help Dr. Sanwari figure out what’s going on.

So what am I going to do with myself while the kids are in America? They’re going to be gone for over six weeks. I can’t remember when I was last on my own for that length of time; maybe never, really. Certainly not since I met Jen. It’s going to be odd, that’s for sure. No early Saturday morning trips to bike races, no emergency repairs, no badminton matches, no teen angst disrupting the silence. Wow, it’s going to be a terribly boring month plus. I may have to see if I can find some reading material or something, because I’m simply not sure what to do with myself if there aren’t more tasks that need to be done than time in the day.

Let’s face it, I’m too old to go about carousing in pubs and still be able to function at work the next day, and I can’t imagine being glued to the telly every night. Oh, there’s always extra work that needs done at the mill, and this might be a great opportunity to get some of that done, but even that can’t fill up all that much of the time. I suppose I could check with the university, see if there are any weekend digs where I could get my hands a little dirty. That would be great fun. We’ll just have to see.

I haven’t been on a serious archeological dig since before I got married. Has it really been that long? I used to dream of finding pharaoh’s tombs and the like. Of course, that was before I had a family and all the obligations that come along with one. Would I still love to do that sort of thing if given the chance? Absolutely, but the fact is, I love taking care of my family more. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be interested in seeing how the other half lives while the kids are away, though. In fact, the more I think about it, the more I like the idea.
______________________

As the “twins” neared the end of their second lap, Jules actually surfaced from her self imposed trance long enough to cheer them on to the line. Then the duo freewheeled along the lane for a short way before Drew changed down and guided them slowly back to the village hall. Gran and co were waiting for them
.
“Well done you two” Gran mentioned as Dave grabbed the machine so they could dismount.
“You look knackered Mad” Jules stated.
“Not many! I've felt better!”
“That was great,” Drew stated untangling himself.
“Yeah, but I'm still done in” Mad agreed.
“Come on then, I've got some cocoa in the camper” Gran told them.
“Go on Drew, I've got the ‘Beast' under control, go get warmed up” Dave urged. As the kids climbed in, he set about mounting the tandem to the carrier on the back of the camper.
___________________
Good ride today, all things considered. I’m becoming more impressed with Maddy’s skills all the time. Maybe there is something in the genes. Still, I know deep down Drew is a bit disappointed. After all, he’s become a bit accustomed to winning, so finishing back of the leaders is hard for him to take. I just hope he doesn’t make the mistake of blaming anyone for their finish. He knew coming into this thing that Mad is a very inexperienced rider, not to mention a complete novice on tandem. I hope he remembers to tell her how well she did. I’m sure he will. He’s a very caring person, after all. And very good at helping others, so I’m sure he’ll play up her performance if she tries to tear it down.
What’s going on over there? Ah, yes, I remember now, the group photo for all costumed participants. That poor boy can’t wait to get out of his Gaby costume, and he’s stuck sitting around waiting for the paper to take his picture. I can just imagine what’s spinning through his head while he waits. Things like “I wonder how many times they’ll misidentify me this time?” or “The name’s Drew, D_R_E_W” or some such thing. Of course, he might not be so keen to correct them when they identify him as Gaby again. After all, if they get it right this time, someone might start to wonder about all the previous “Gaby” sightings in print. Sooner or later, someone would be bound to figure things out, and that might prove a bit embarrassing for Drew, mightn’t it?
You know, I think Jen might’ve really enjoyed seeing Drew pilot the beast today. He did a fine job of it, and it’s incredibly difficult to do when you’ve not much experience with it. I know I was quite proud of the effort he put forth today; but then again I am a bit biased, I suppose. Still, I know his mum is very proud of his accomplishments this year…in some ways more than her own…and even though she’s never really had the opportunity to see him in competition, because of schedules and such, she’s always been extremely excited to hear how his races went. I do wish she could figure out a way to see him ride in person. She might be surprised just how good he is. They aren’t kidding when they start throwing about statements like “wunderkind” and the like. He doesn’t have the physical strength yet, but his spirit, technique, and particularly his tactics are extremely advanced…sometimes he outthinks far more experienced riders. It’s quite fun to watch, actually.
____________________
After the photo session for the paper, the Bond clan piled into the camper and set forth on their return journey to Gran’s house. Once there, Drew and Maddy immediately headed for the shower, Juliette was “volunteered” to help her Gran prepare dinner, and Dave took the opportunity to veg in front of the telly for a bit. He found some skiing on, and quickly drifted out of range of normal consciousness.
_____________________

I really must get a handle on things. I haven’t been able to focus on anything in weeks. I know that some of that is due to emotional issues related to Jen, but really, I thought I was better able to deal with adversity than this. I had always envisioned myself as a strong, stable person who could be relied upon in any circumstance to be the rock that everyone else leans on. So why do I feel myself crumbling? A lot of my confidence, my strength, has been built on my family and the love we share. With Jen gone, I feel weak for the first time since…well, since before I met her. I don’t like the way this feels. Not one bit, to tell the truth.
Jen’s mum has been great to us…to me even. I never really expected that. After all, she’s Jen’s mum, isn’t she? And yet at the moment it’s almost as if she’s siding with me and the kids, rather than her own daughter. I hope that doesn’t create a permanent rift between them. I don’t think I’d be comfortable being in the middle of that, were it to come about. Maybe if we can work things out between us, it’ll prevent that from happening.
I’m actually a bit torn over what would be the right thing to do. Do I sit and wait until she decides what she wants to do, or do I take a more proactive stance, maybe go to Germany and confront her and this, Dieter? Oh, it would be so tempting to head straight over there and let them have what for, but first, that’s simply not the way I do things, and it’s not the kind of example I intend to set for my children. On the other hand, this waiting, not knowing anything is nigh on intolerable. Maybe there’s still a future for us, and maybe there isn’t. I suspect Jen’s just thinking about the here and now, and isn’t really thinking through things as clearly as she usually does. At least that’s what I keep telling myself. I’m a patient man, but this is stretching mine well past it’s limits, and something is going to have to happen to resolve things soon. I don’t think my heart can take dragging this thing out much more.
_________________________

Gran stuck her head through the kitchen door and called, “Come on everyone, dinner’s ready!” And with that, Drew and Maddy came thundering down the stairs while Dave roused himself from his mental stupor. As they all joined Gran and Juliette at the table, Gran spoke up once again, “You should be well pleased with the outcome. Juliette did a masterful job assisting in the preparation of this fine repast. Not all that much unlike the job Drew and Maddy did this morning in the race. I was very proud of how well you both did. Now, let’s all enjoy ourselves, shall we?”
For a short while at least, the Bond family relaxed and they even sort of enjoyed themselves. They ignored Mum's presence, or perhaps it would be more accurate to say lack thereof for as long as they could but they had barely finished the washing up before ‘The BBC Sports Personality of the Year' started on the telly. It wasn't quite the same already knowing the result but they all settled down around Gran's ancient box to watch.
“There you are Drew” Mad pointed as they showed people arriving at TV Centre.
“Where?”
“You missed it, you were behind David Beckham” Jules told Drew.
“Oh”
“Everyone at school will be sooo jealous Drew” Mad stated, “I know I am”
“Yeah well” he allowed as the show started properly.
As they watched, Dave couldn’t help but be entertained by the unconscious commentary Drew gave throughout the program. One of the more interesting things he commented on was the fact that some bits were actually shown out of the sequence they did it on Friday, which he said he found a bit off putting, but after over an hour it was time for Jen's big moment.
‘And this years winner of the BBC Sports Personality of the Year is…Jenny Bond!'

They showed close ups of her and then a wide shot of the audience before surprising Drew with a shot of him leaping about.
“…And it seems to have gone done pretty well with the rest of the family too” David Vine mentioned as the shot returned to Jen who was now joining Gary Lineker on the stage.
The video, which Drew thought only lasted thirty seconds on Friday was actually a couple of minutes long and this time he actually got to watch it. There was all the stuff they all remembered but Drew said he didn't see the footage of the Ranby ten on Friday night! There he was, tucked in behind his Mum coming under the Blythe Bridge. The rest was much as he remembered, the speech full of meaningless platitudes, the shots of the audience and then unlike Friday it was over.
“She looked a bit peaky don't you think?” Gran mentioned as the credits started.
“Serves her right” Jules put in.
“You're right Mum” Dave agreed, “She looked a bit thinner too”
“I thought telly made you look fat?” Mad mentioned.
Dave and Gran exchanged a look.
“She seem okay to you Drew?” Dave asked.
“Yeah fine” he replied but he then cast his mind back, was she really?
“Maybe she realizes what she's done” Jules just about spat.
“Anyone for supper?” Gran queried.
Gran's suggestion broke the growing tension so then they turned their attention to their stomachs.
_______________________
Maybe I was on the right track after all. Jen really didn’t look well at all on the telly tonight, and it wasn’t just me noticing either. Her mum was definitely thinking the same thing I was after we watched the award show. If she’s sick enough to have that kind of affect on her appearance, I can’t help but wonder just what’s wrong? It definitely looks like it’s worse than just a case of the flu, or stress doing it.
I’ve known that woman far too long not to know that she’s hiding something; and the longer this drags out, the more I begin to doubt that it has anything to do with her having an affair. I’m starting to think she’s really sick, and trying to hide it to protect…us? What could be so bad that she’d think we’d rather believe she had left us than know the truth? I’m not sure I want to know the answer to that one; but by the same token I can’t stop thinking about it because I need to know the answer. I hope she comes around and tells us what’s really going on soon. I think the truth is the only thing that has a chance to bring Juliette out of her anger, and that’s something that needs to happen, and soon.
Drew wasn’t happy at all about this morning’s Gaby appearance. The odd thing is, once she’s gone on doing whatever is on the agenda, the reluctance seems to just go away, as if Drew disappears and Gaby’s the only one there. Even when given the chance to change back after the race, Gaby stayed with us until we got back to the house. Maybe Drew is more comfortable as Gaby, but is afraid of the fact? Who knows?
_______________________
As a million different thoughts turned round his head, Dave finally drifted off to sleep.

As Jen slowly recovers from her surgery, she finds herself contemplating her choices and how they've impacted her loved ones. As she bears all, Dave searches for a way to balance what's in his heart with what's on his mind.

 

Lost in Thought, Part 8
By Jillian

 

Despite the late hour, Jen was finding it nearly impossible to get to sleep. It had been long enough since her surgery that she was really starting to feel better, and was actually feeling a bit constrained still being mostly restricted to a hospital bed. While this was certainly one of the reasons for her attack of insomnia, there was one far more likely culprit.

___________________

When am I going to be given the chance to get out of here? This place is driving me nuts, frankly. I daresay, this is probably the longest I’ve stayed off a bike since I was a little girl, and to put it simply I don’t like it. I can’t sort my thoughts if I’m not riding. That’s probably why I’m having so much trouble getting to sleep. I guess that’s something Drew and I have in common. He seems to do his best thinking on a bike. Maybe it’s a family thing.

At least it’s starting to look like I might eventually get better. If Dave and the kids had told me I couldn’t come home, I don’t think I’d have made it this far. I was ready to give up the battle, but they gave me a reason to keep fighting, even though I probably didn’t deserve the wonderful treatment I’ve got since I came home. Why, after everything I did to them, did my family take me back? It’s a legitimate question, and one I don’t really have a good answer for. Mind, I’m not complaining, because like I said, I was about ready to give up. I think without Dave, and Jules, and Drew, I’d probably have decided it wasn’t worth fighting anymore. Now? Get me out of this bed! I’ve a couple of titles to defend, and I have to get back in shape to do so.

So just exactly what was I thinking? At the time, I wasn’t sure what, if anything, I was thinking, other than I didn’t want everyone to know I was sick. Silly, I know, but that’s how my mind was working. I didn’t want Dave and the kids worrying about me…I was afraid that if they knew what was really happening, they’d be too worried to take care of themselves. So instead, I nearly destroy everyone’s lives, all in the interest of keeping a secret? Why did I think I needed to protect Dave and the kids from my cancer? Is that even what you’d call what I did? To say it was the dumbest thing I’ve ever done is an understatement of monumental proportions, but still doesn’t even begin to touch on either the motivations, or the repercussions of my actions. Will I ever be able to make it up to them?

Oh, it started out innocently, really. I thought we’d caught it early, and after some discreet treatments I’d be cured, and no one would be the wiser. Why muck things up by spreading the news around about it, jeopardizing my career? My career? Is that what I was worried about? I almost lost Dave, alienated my friends, and hurt my children nearly beyond reconciliation. How stupid was I? And that wasn’t the worst of it, to say the least. I mean, at first I hadn’t actually lied to them, had I? I didn’t tell them I was sick, but I hadn’t made up any kind of story, either. Maybe things would have been all right if they had ended at that. But oh, no, I couldn’t leave things hanging at that point, could I?

If I hadn’t been so stupid in the first place, there wouldn’t have been any need for the story when I didn’t get better like I had thought I would. I was supposed to return home, but how could I drop a bombshell like this on my family, and then disappear for more treatments? Now I know that’s exactly what I should have done, but no, I couldn’t do something like that. Maybe it was all just denial at work. I know that for quite some time, I didn’t want to admit even to myself how bad things could be. But really, how could I possibly believe that telling them I wasn’t coming home because of an affair would be less traumatic than dealing with an illness? Talk about deluded reasoning.

Through all that the really odd thing is, I don’t think Dave believed any of it. Oh, at first he sounded thoroughly ticked, as was to be expected, but for some reason, I think he started to suspect that I wasn’t telling him the truth that night at the restaurant. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to say I’m sorry enough to make up for all of that. By the time I did come home, he knew. Not just thought I might be sick, but he knew, with absolute certainty. How does he do that? He just senses things that most people ignore. He knows when one of the kids needs a hug, or a kick in the rear, and somehow never does the wrong thing.

And through everything, he’s been a rock. How on Earth can he be so…I don’t know, perfect? As if he knows exactly what everyone around him needs, and provides that for them. It’s enough to make me fall in love with him all over again, as if I needed a reason.

The kids are another matter, however. Drew never really gave up on me, my sweet petal. He kept at me to come home. He knew better what I should do than I did. Pity I didn’t listen to him before. I know he was hurt badly by all my lies. I wish I could take them back, start over. At least he took things better than his sister.

Juliette, how will I ever make things up to you? I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone so thoroughly hurt by another person in my life. It broke my heart to listen to you vent your anger and confusion at me, knowing that I deserved every single thing you could think of to say. Yours is the one reaction I truly understood in all this. You were severely hurt, and didn’t care to try to hide it in the least. And what did I do? Egged you on, saying and doing things that pushed you even further away from me. I wouldn’t have been at all surprised if even after the truth came out, you didn’t want to ever have anything to do with me again. That’s what I deserved for the way I treated all of you. I had lied to each and every one of you for the most selfish and insensitive reasons imaginable, and yet with that one word, all was right once again. I really don’t deserve any of you, my wonderful, perfect family.

The kids didn’t want to go to America after I came home, but there was no way I was going to let them skip that opportunity. I mean, a chance to experience life in another country, to learn about it first hand. Not something they should even have contemplated passing up. I did nearly ask them to stay home with me, that morning we took them up to the school to begin the trip. I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was the last time I’d ever see my children. I’ve tried to maintain a positive attitude, but that morning, I was more afraid of not making it than at any time since my diagnosis. I wonder if they sensed that it was worse than I’d told them? It certainly seemed like they knew, but I know I didn’t tell them. Did Dave? He wouldn’t have come right out and said anything to them, I’m sure, because we had both agreed on that approach with the kids, but if one of them had asked point blank? He would have confirmed their suspicions. He wouldn’t have been able to bring himself to lie to them like that, of that I’m sure.

Of course, from what I’ve heard it hasn’t all been strawberries and cream, has it? Drew being Gaby full time? I wonder what will be the outcome of that little experiment? He’s so feminine, even without that kind of immersion, but this is different. How on Earth is my son Drew ever going to manage a return once they come back? He’s always so upset over being mistaken for a girl it affects his overall mood, but as Gaby, that conflict should be gone. Should be, but not necessarily. Drew is in such conflict, sometimes I wonder if he even has any idea what it is he really wants? It’s as if Drew and Gaby are battling for control of my child, and while most of the time, Drew appears to be winning, this experience might just push things in the other direction. I wonder what the final outcome will be? I would miss Drew, but…not that I mind Gaby. I quite like her, actually. She’s far happier than Drew, much of the time. Is that how I really feel about it? Because the implication here is that I would prefer things if my son were a girl. How I hope she has a good time on the trip.

Now that I’m starting to feel a bit better, maybe it’s a good time to talk to Dave about everything. I just hope he’ll accept my apology after everything I’ve done and said.

_______________________

Sleep did finally visit Jenny, but it took much of the night to arrive, and even after nodding off, these thoughts continued to haunt her dreams.

The next morning as he entered the ward, the first thing Dave noticed was Jen, sitting up in bed eating breakfast. “You’re looking much better this morning,” he said as he bent over, kissed her on the cheek, and sat beside her. “A bit tired perhaps, but…”

“Yes, I had quite a bit of trouble getting to sleep last night. My mind just didn’t want to shut down, there were lots of things swirling around in there, keeping me up.”

“Understood. I assume since you are looking so much better in spite of insomnia that you might have some news?”

“I’m feeling much better. The doctor tells me I might even get out of here in a day or two.”

“Well that is good news.”

“Yes it is. So what brings you by this morning? I know you needed to go into the office for a while today, so I wasn’t really expecting you until this afternoon.”

“I just wanted to check on you, see how you’re feeling.”

“That’s awfully sweet, luv, but really not necessary.”

“That’s not really up for debate.”

“Understood. Any chance you’ve time for a chat. There are a lot of things I’d like to talk over with you.”

“Unfortunately, I’m already running a bit late, so beyond stopping by to say good morning and steal a kiss, I’m afraid I can’t stay.”

“I expected as much. Will you be back this evening? This really is important.”

“Do you really think there’s anything in this world that could keep me away?”

“No, I’m fairly certain of that point.”

“Good. Don’t forget it. Now, I’ve got to run. Love you,” and with that, he kissed her once again, then headed out of the ward, and on his way to the mill.

As he was leaving, Jen spoke up one last time, “Later, luv,” then even before he was out of the ward, she was once again immersed in her thoughts.

________________________

I suppose it’s just as well we didn’t get into things this morning. I still feel a bit like my mind is in a jumble after last night. I really do need to get out on a bike for a while…clear out the cobwebs, that sort of thing. Maybe I can use the time today to sort through all my thoughts and get them organized so I don’t scare the poor man witless when he comes back later? I’ve done far too much of that in recent months, I don’t want to do it anymore.

_______________________

Meanwhile Dave, who was on his way to work, found himself thinking about everything in the world except his commute to work…

_______________________

Well, I wonder what that was all about? Maybe she’s ready to tell me everything? But am I ready to hear it? That is the question indeed.

I mean, is she going to tell me that the whole boyfriend “ruse” wasn’t just a fabrication after all? Dear God, I hope not. I don’t think I could deal with news like that. And, I’d certainly not want to try explaining that to the kids over a transatlantic phone call. Maybe she’s decided to hang up her cleats, retire from racing? I mean, what more could there be for her to prove? She won a world championship while suffering from cancer, for god’s sake. She went from teaching at Warsop College to winning the Tour Feminin in just a couple of short months time. What else could she possibly want to accomplish on a bicycle?

Then again, I’ve never really fully understood this hyper-competitive thing she and Drew both have going. I’m the first to admit that I have goals, but those two seem forced by something deep inside themselves, pushing them to not only be the best they can be, but beyond that to be the best period. She’s done that, and Drew’s well on his way.

Wow, how did I get here? The last thing I remember doing was getting in the car at the hospital, and then all of a sudden I’m parked in front of the mill, ready for a busy day. I just hope I can keep my mind on my work enough to get something done today.

_______________________

While concentration on the task at hand wasn’t exactly included in his skill set that day, Dave did finally manage to fumble his way through the stack of paperwork that had been piling up recently due to his absences helping Jenny get through surgery and everything the post surgical recovery had involved to that point. Once done, he poked his head into Frank’s office to tell him he was heading back to the hospital, and then he was off once again.

Once back at the hospital, he went to the ward Jen had been calling ‘home’ since coming out of surgery, but when he got to her bedside, she wasn’t there. He looked around the ward, and then headed toward the nurse’s station to ask where she was when he saw her walking down the hall toward the ward. She saw him, and he could instantly see her face light up, showing her pleasure at seeing him there.

“Good walk?” Dave asked as she started climbing back into bed.

“Very refreshing, but now I’m exhausted.”

He pulled a chair right up beside the bed, sat down, and took her hand in his, then spoke, “You’re still recovering from the surgery and everything. It’s going to take time to get your body back into shape.”

“I know, but patience has never been a virtue that I could count as one of my strengths.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that. I’ve seen you be very patient when racing, trying to set up your attack and so forth.”

“I daresay that doesn’t really count. That’s employing a strategy.”

“I don’t really buy that idea, but I won’t argue the point. That would only waste our time this evening. Now then,” he said as he looked up to see the nurse as she came up to Jen’s bedside to check her vital signs, “I seem to recall you having something you wanted to discuss when I came back this evening?”

“Yes,” she said in a suddenly shaky voice, followed by a few seconds of silence. “All of a sudden, I’m not sure where to begin,” even more shakily than just a moment ago.

Dave looked into her eyes, and suddenly realized just what she was trying to say to him, so he interjected, momentarily saving her from her struggles, “You know, you don’t have to say anything if you don’t want to?”

“That’s just the problem…I want to…I need to say some things. You deserve…”

“I think I know,” he jumped in. “Believe me, it’s okay.”

“But that’s just it. It’s not okay, and won’t be until I tell you everything.”

Relieved by Jen’s candor about the fact that she was finally ready to fill in some of the holes that had been bothering him for some time, Dave looked at her and said, “Then I guess I’m to hear everything?”

“That’s my plan,” she nearly whispered. Then in a slightly louder voice, but still quiet enough to maintain complete privacy in spite of being in an open ward, she began, “I don’t really know what I was thinking at first. It was like, ‘this isn’t real, is it?’ and then as it began to actually sink in, I was so stupid. I was worried that if word got out that I was sick, it would adversely affect my career. I went from that ridiculous thought to not wanting to even tell you guys, for fear of news getting out. I know, it was idiotic. I know that now, but then? When my head was still swimming, trying to wrap itself around the word ‘cancer’?

“Dieter really did make it seem like we had discovered it so early there was no way we couldn’t cure it quickly and easily, so even after I finally reached a point where I wasn’t in full panic mode, I didn’t want to tell you or the kids. I thought, ‘I’ll be cured by the time I go home at the end of the season, so what’s the point in scaring everyone and risking word getting out?’ I was afraid that if it became public knowledge, I’d face some problems with my endorsements and sponsors, wanting to pull out their support and such.

“So then, when I went for a follow up toward the end of the season, it was discovered that not only had we not managed to cure it, but the problem had actually worsened, spreading elsewhere. This had me really scared, and in case I need to say it, not thinking too clearly. I was told about some new treatment regimen they were having some luck with in Australia, and that they thought they could help me. So I asked Dieter to arrange it for as soon as the season was over.

“That was all just fine and dandy, other than for the fact that I was supposed to be coming home then. That’s where things really became muddled, because for whatever reasons I was functioning without full command of my faculties. I started thinking about what and how to say whatever needed to be said, and at some point I convinced myself that it would not be in my best interests to tell anyone what was going on, and as ridiculous as it may sound, in my brain that included you guys.”

At this point, she stopped telling her story for a moment to catch her breath. “It occurred to me that I was supposed to be heading home for a while before needing to return to Germany for training, so now I was going to need a cover story to tell you guys before I left for Australia to try out this treatment Dieter kept going on about.

“I don’t know where it came from, but the thought occurred to me that I could tell you I was seeing someone in Germany, and wouldn’t be coming home right then. It was dumb, I know now, but at the time I still thought it made sense to not tell anyone I was sick, as if I could keep it a secret forever. I still can’t tell you how I rationalized not telling you or the kids, because I still don’t understand it myself. I was just so messed up, mentally and emotionally that I couldn’t see straight. As it turned out, even telling you I was seeing someone wasn’t enough to dissuade Drew. He kept pushing for me to tell him who, begging me to come home. He even guessed it might be Erik Zabel before I finally blurted out Dieter’s name. I thought at least he really was someone who was associated with everything that was going on.

“I know that none of this does anything to make up for the horrible mistakes I’ve made recently, but I had to tell you, for my own sanity if nothing else,” she said, then let the mental echoes fade before continuing. “I’m so sorry. I lied to you, and there is probably no way I’ll ever be able to make it up to you and the kids. I just hope for the chance to try.”

Dave sat there for a moment looking into her tear filled eyes as his own did a near perfect imitation. He let go of her hand and wiped away the tears rolling down his cheeks, then spoke, “I’ve told you before that I’m willing to do whatever is necessary to make things work for us again. I can’t stand the thought of being without you, and I know that the kids feel the same way. I’ll not lie. There are some things that still hurt, even now. I’m trying to understand your reasons for what you did, and I promise you that even though that understanding isn’t complete, all is forgiven. I can’t promise there won’t still be some bumps as we recover from this, but…”

Jen leaned forward until she could reach Dave’s lips and gave him a tender, lingering kiss, then said, “That is more than I could ever have hoped for. I really don’t deserve you, Dave Bond.”

Dave picked up her hands and placed gentle kisses on them, then said, “I love you, Jen. I always have, and I always will, no matter what.” He looked at his watch then, startled, said, “Look at the time. I imagine you must be worn out completely, and I really need to get some rest for work tomorrow.” He started to get up from his chair, then stopped. “With everything else this evening, you didn’t say. Have the doctors said anything about when you might get out of here?”

“How’s tomorrow sound?”

“Great. I’ll call your mum and let her know. She was planning on coming to stay for a week or two after you get out to help with your convalescence. I won’t come by in the morning, so I can get straight to the mill and get some work done before I come to get you, all right?”

“That sounds perfect to me, luv.”

So with one more kiss goodnight, Dave left Jen to spend her last night on the ward, as he headed home to get some rest before the big day coming up tomorrow.

________________________

Coming home, eh? That’s great news, really. I just hope I can live up to my words this evening. It’s not that I didn’t mean any of what I said, but rather I’m just hoping that the rest of me is able to carry through with the words that were coming from my heart tonight. I do love her so, and I really always will. I just hope my brain can work its way round everything and allow us to move on together.

The kids will be thrilled to know their mum’s coming home tomorrow…oh, it’s later than I had intended, maybe instead of bothering them so late I’ll just fill them in tomorrow when we call? I think that will work. I do need to call Josie as soon as I get in to let her know about Jen coming home tomorrow. I don’t expect her to be able to pop over on such short notice, but if she can make it within a couple of days, it would be a great help. Oh, I had probably also let Frank know, so he’ll be able to make plans accordingly…

_________________________

As Dave arrived home, the first thing he did was go to the phone to call his mother-in-law.

“Hello?”

“Hey, mum.”

“Dave, it’s good to hear from you, but it is a bit late. I hope it isn’t bad news?”

“No, no, nothing like that. I just wanted to let you know that Jen’s going to be discharged from hospital tomorrow.”

“That’s grand news, but I may not be able to make it to Warsop for a day or two.”

“I expected as much, so I’m planning on taking a day or two off from work, and Carol will pitch in as well. I’m sure we’ll be able to get by until you arrive.”

“If you’re sure?”

“We’ll be fine. See you in a couple of days, and good night, mum.”

“Night, son.”

Dave hung up the phone, marveling for a moment on the fact that he feels closer to his mother-in-law than he ever did his own mum when she was alive. Not wanting to stir up the hornet’s nest that was his relationship with his mum, Dave pushed down those thoughts and turned his attention to preparing for sleep to once again wrap it’s warm embrace about him.

_____________________

Well, that was an eventful evening, wasn’t it? Great news, Jen coming home, but I can’t help but think that maybe she’s still holding something back, like she’s afraid to tell me. I wonder what it is? Oh well, at least she’ll be home again, and since she was so sick, I’m guessing it’ll be for good. I can’t imagine her trying to return to racing after all this, there’s just no way. I mean, she’s old enough to be winding down her racing career even without having to completely rehab after the surgery and all, and what with all those big wins this season, it would be a perfect way to retire…going out on top, and all that. But then, I’ve never really had much luck predicting what she is going to do or not do, which is a bit sad given how long we’ve been married. Does that mean I don’t know her nearly as well as I thought I did?

I do regret not making it home early enough to call the kids, but I’m sure they’ll understand. The change in both of them has been astonishing, really. Juliette has turned herself around completely. She’s actually almost back to being the pleasant, lovely girl she used to be, before all the problems popped up. And I’d rather not think about Gaby at the moment. We talk, and I can’t even picture Drew in the voice anymore. Gaby is so completely the dominant personality now, it’s a bit scary really. I wonder if my son even realizes what’s happening? Will there even be a son left by the time they come home?

_______________________

As Dave drifted off to the land of dreams, Jen also was busy with her thoughts…

________________________

I suppose that really wasn’t fair of me to omit the part about me probably recovering enough to return to racing. I know that Dave is looking forward to having me home all the time again, and I just couldn’t bring myself to destroy that picture he’s holding onto of our life to come. But if there’s a chance that I could continue with my career, I have to try, don’t I? If I don’t, I’ll spend the rest of my life wondering if I could have continued, and I don’t want to live my life like that. He’ll be hurt, but I’m sure that eventually he’ll understand. Dave is just too good a man not to understand needing to follow your dreams…

________________________

And so it was that both senior Bonds found their way to troubled nights sleep.

Dave and Jenny decide to surprise Gaby by secretly traveling with the Appollinaris team to the States when she rides with her American friends in Atlanta.

Lost in Thought, Part 10
By Jillian

 
"I won't call tomorrow Drew as you are off to the dance," Jen said, barely concealing the smile that threatened to swallow her entire face.

"Okay, I'll miss you on Friday too as we are driving to Atlanta"

"Well I'd best wish you luck now hadn't I?"

"Thanks Mum"

"And have a good time at the dance, and behave, I know what you lot are like"

"Yes Mum" Drew sighed.

"I'll catch up with you at the weekend then kiddo."

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you too Drew."

"Tell Dad I said hi."

"I will."

"Take care Mum, bye."

"And you, bye for now."

"Bye."

As she placed the receiver in its resting place, Jen nearly exploded with giggles as she said, “Drew says ‘hi’.”

“I can see you’re enjoying this little deception more than just a little.”

“I can’t help it. I don’t want to spoil the surprise when he sees us in Atlanta.”

“You mean IF he sees us in Atlanta?”

She looked at him as if he had two heads, then reluctantly conceded, “If.”

As the elder Bonds made their way to bed, they continued their discussion of their youngest child.

“Jen, I’m worried about Drew. All this time as Gaby, I wonder if it’s going to make it difficult to return to being a boy when he comes home?”

“You know, I don’t think I’d ever thought of it quite like that. I don’t know, really. From strictly a surface level, I doubt he’ll really think there’s much of a problem.”

“I really hope you’re right, but I’m worried. He’s never really been the ‘manliest’, if you know what I mean, and this immersion in all things feminine for so long? How is he going to cope?”

Jen replied as they both changed into their sleepwear, “As you’ve already pointed out, he’s always been very girlish, so he may surprise us with how little things have changed, thanks to this experience.”

“I don’t really see things that way. His personality has always shifted somewhat when he dresses as Gaby, even though he would probably deny it if asked. I’m worried that with being Gaby for all this time he might have lost sight of just who Drew is.” They both crawled under the covers and turned out their respective table lamps, then Dave spoke once again, “I hope I’m wrong, and I hope I can actually find sleep after making myself think about all these things again.”

“Me too, luv. Me too.” As they both lay there, their individual thoughts overtook them, and they soon found themselves in their own little universes, oblivious to the rest of the world.

Jenny found herself adrift quickly, and let her mind follow it’s own course until sleep visited her.

___________________

Dave is just overreacting, isn’t he? I mean, Drew’s always played this little ‘Gaby’ game…well for the last year or so…and he always does it so well, nobody would ever suspect he’s anything other than a beautiful young girl. But once the masquerade is over, Drew’s back, no problems. Why should this time be any different?

Mind you, I don’t think I’d complain if something happened and Drew became Gaby permanently. I rather like my youngest daughter, to tell the truth. She’s so much more feminine than her sister; I don’t know how that happened really. Maybe it has to do with the fact that Drew has always had to work so hard to be perceived as even the slightest bit masculine, and he’s just more attuned to the behavioral differences between the genders. Before, Gaby’s never been around long enough for her mannerisms to become second nature, but maybe with this trip she’ll finally reach a point of not having to concentrate so hard on being herself, and can finally just have fun.

It’s going to be so good seeing her again. I miss my kids so much. In a lot of ways, I wish I had let them stay home instead of going to America, but then they wouldn’t have had all these marvelous experiences. It wouldn’t have been right to keep them from having that.

It’s going to be so much fun seeing Gaby race. I can hardly wait. It’s been so long since I watched Drew, I can’t even remember when the last time was. I know it was before the contract with Apollinaris, but…you know, I can’t ever remember watching him race. How is that possible? I know that I usually had a race myself later in the day, and I often took that time to spend with Jules, but how could I have missed seeing my own son race? Now I feel like I’ve been an absolutely horrible mother. How in the world am I ever going to make that up to my baby?

____________________

Jenny finally drifted off to sleep amidst a myriad of thoughts. Dave, on the other hand, was still having trouble finding the arms of Morpheus.

___________________

I can’t help but think that Jen is trying to make light of this situation with Drew. I’m really concerned for him. I would never, ever do or say anything to harm one of my children, but I worry about what his mental and emotional state is like at this point. When we’ve talked, I’ve been having trouble finding Drew in there somewhere. Is there even a Drew left? Or is it all Gaby now? I know we’ll be seeing mostly Gaby, if we can go this weekend, but when the time comes for the kids to come home, who is going to be making that trip? Drew, or Gaby? The search for that answer is making sleep a commodity that’s in increasingly rare supply.

Am I being silly worrying about this? Or is my concern justified? It’s hard for me to even know the answers to those questions, let alone having a clue how to deal with the outcome. And what about this developmental program Jen’s going on about? Is it really a good idea? I mean, Drew is still just a child, and yet he’s being thrust into this fast paced world where things don’t take time out to let you figure out what you’re doing. I have no doubt that he’s good enough, that’s not the problem at all. I just worry that by attaching himself to this team, he might be limiting his future opportunities. Plus, George still believes Drew is actually Gaby. I don’t suppose I can blame him for that misunderstanding, of course. The only times he’s ever met the child, he’s been in Gaby mode, after all. Would he be making the offer if he knew Drew is a boy? I don’t know.

I have spent more time worrying about things I can do nothing about in the past few months than I ever believed possible. I used to be fairly level headed. I tried not to waste time or energy thinking about things that were beyond my ability to control, and yet now it seems that’s all I do. I spend nearly every waking hour thinking about all these things I can do nothing about, when I should be spending that time concentrating on things that are within my control. But how do I go back to doing that?

There are so many things going on in our lives that all we can do is sit back and wait to see how they turn out, like Jen’s recovery. If I could, I’d gladly have traded places with her so she wouldn’t have had to go through all of this. And Drew…my poor little boy…how have I allowed events to overtake you so? Is it my fault you appear so feminine? Have I somehow failed you? Or is this simply the way you were supposed to be all along, and there was just some sort of mistake along the way?

I wish I knew the answers. Hell, I wish I understood the questions. Maybe I should just quit worrying about all of this for now and try to get some sleep. Who knows, maybe I’ll wake up with an answer magically popping into my head.

____________________

Dave finally managed to drift off to sleep, though his sleep was anything but restful.

____________________

When Dave noticed the silhouetted stranger standing at the foot of the bed, he could hear him softly laughing that same, evil chuckle he’d heard during previous visits. The difference this time was that if he looked closely enough, he thought he could make out some features of his face. The longer he stared at the stranger, the more clear his image became, until Dave realized that this was no stranger at all, but rather George, the Apollinaris team director. The chuckle grew in intensity until it suddenly stopped, followed by the words, “Dave, moment bitte.”

____________________

The next thing Dave knew, he found himself sitting bolt upright in bed, trying to figure out what this dream was about, and what it had to do with the others he had been having. He got up, made his way to the bathroom, and after taking care of his business, he stood facing the mirror for several minutes in silence.

“All right, what the heck was that all about?” he softly said to himself as he splashed some cold water on his face, then patted himself dry before returning to the bedroom to try and get a little more sleep. While that sleep did finally revisit him, it was frequently interrupted through the course of the night by similar dreams and strange visions.

The next morning, it was a far from well rested Dave Bond who stumbled into the kitchen and started the teakettle, just as Jenny also entered the room. “So, are you going to call the doctor to find out about travel restrictions while I go to the office?” he asked as he poured the water and began mashing his tea.

“Yes. I don’t really expect there to be any problems. I mean, I’m doing much better, and it’s not like I’m going to be doing anything terribly demanding physically.”

“You may be surprised at just how tired simply traveling makes you. You’re nowhere as strong as you once were, and the simple act of flying can seem exhausting. Particularly such a long trip.”

“I know, but I’m too excited about seeing Gaby race to worry about being tired. I’m really looking forward to it.”

“I can understand that. I’m going to head out, and I’ll be back in a few hours. Talk to you later?”

“Later, luv.”

With a short kiss goodbye, Dave headed out the door and on his way to the mill. As so often had happened of late, he found that work kept him so busy that he was able to stop worrying about everything else for a little while. As he was finishing up with some invoices, Frank came up to him and sat down on the edge of Dave’s desk.
Frank cleared his throat to make sure he had Dave’s attention, then spoke, “Are you still looking for another car?”

“Yes, but I’m having some budget problems. You know, like not having a lot of luck figuring out how I’m going to pay for it.”

“Understood, but that’s why I wanted to talk to you. It seems my wife has got the idea that she needs a Land Rover. I hate to just give her old car to the dealership, but they aren’t going to allow much in the way of a trade in, I’m afraid. I was wondering if you might be interested in buying it. I can guarantee reasonable terms, and it’s in excellent shape.”

“I’d say I’m definitely interested, but I would like to talk it over with Jenny before deciding anything. Oh, by the way, if she’s cleared to travel, we’ll be heading out to America tomorrow for the weekend, then after a couple of days of meetings with team officials, we’ll be coming back home Tuesday. Drew’s racing in this big event called the Atlanta Winter Classic. Apparently, there will be a lot of professional teams participating, so it will no doubt be a big thrill for him.”

“Well, that sounds like fun. I imagine you’re really missing the kids.”

“I’d say that’s putting it mildly. It’s driving me nuts having them so far away from home.”

“Well, have a good trip, and I’ll see you Wednesday. You can let me know what you think about the car then.”

“Thanks, Frank. As I said, I’m guessing we’ll be interested, but just don’t want to commit without talking it over, you know.”

“I hear you. Well, I’d best let you get back to it, so you can finish up before you head out.”

“Talk to you later, Frank.”

“You too, Dave,” and with that, Frank got up off the edge of the desk and walked across the office, stopping to say a few encouraging words to employees as he made his way back to his office.

Dave returned to his task, though somewhat distracted by Frank’s proposal. He was familiar with the vehicle in question, and had always thought it would be great to own one like it someday. Well, here was his chance.

_________________

I wonder what prompted that? Not that I’m complaining, mind, but wow. We are talking about a great car. How could he possibly think the dealership would try to lowball him on the trade? I mean, yes, I know it’s several years old, but as I recall it’s still in marvelous condition. What kind of terms are we talking about? Payments?

_________________

As he opened the door and stepped into the front room, Dave was taken aback to find suitcases sitting by the door, and Jenny sprawled on the couch, obviously exhausted from the effort expended packing. He looked at her and said, “I take it the doctor said you could travel?”

“Yes. George will be picking us up at the Manchester airport at 7am when the team’s charter flight lands. Carol has agreed to handle taxi service to and from the airport so we can avoid the expense of long term parking.”

“And I see you’ve already packed for us. You must be excited to be getting back together with your teammates.”

“Yes, I didn’t realize just how much I missed them until Maria and Kat came for their visit last week.”

“Have they all been informed as to the reason for your absence?”

“Yes, right after I came home and I told George and Maria, they decided that although we wouldn’t make the nature of the problem public, it would be best for team morale if everyone knew what was going on. Apparently, before they knew what was wrong, there were several of them who were ready to have me lynched for the way I treated you and the kids. And to tell you the truth, I can’t really blame them. I’ll never be able to say I’m sorry enough to make up for it.”

“Now, don’t start that again. We’ve already resolved that, and we’re not going to talk about it anymore, right?”

“All right. I worry that things aren’t as ‘resolved’ as you say they are, but all right.”

“So what time is Carol picking us up?”

“Since we have to go through customs and everything that entails, particularly with all my medications I’m taking at the moment, I thought we should be there by 6am, so I’m sorry, but I she’s picking us up at 5.”

“Well, that’s one more thing I need to thank her for, and one more we owe her. Since we have to get up so early, I’m assuming we’re going to try to turn in early this evening?”

“Yes, I thought that might be best. Carol brought over some dinner she prepared for us. All we have to do is heat it up.”

“Oh, good, dinner by Carol. A shame Drew isn’t here to enjoy it. I swear, I think one of the reasons he’s so close to Maddy is so he can eat Carol’s cooking more often.”

“I think you may be right about that.”

After they had finished with dinner, Jen helped Dave straighten up the kitchen and then they headed up to bed, knowing that they need to get to sleep as soon as possible, but also knowing that might be difficult.

Once changed, they climbed in bed and turned out the lights, and lay there in silence for a couple of minutes before they gave up on the idea of getting to sleep early and began talking about things.

“Frank came by with an interesting proposition for me today.”

“Oh, really? What’s that?”

“It seems his wife is harboring the notion that she needs a Land Rover, and Frank thinks he’d rather sell her old car than just trade it in.”

“Really? As I recall, that’s a nice car.”

“Yes, and he was telling me he’d be willing to offer me reasonable terms.”

“Like payments?”

“That’s the way I understood it. You know I’ve wanted to replace the Passat ever since it broke down last autumn. I’d like to talk to him more about what kind of terms he’s offering, but if it’s at all reasonable, I’d be very tempted to take him up on his offer.”

“I’d be inclined to agree with you there.”

“I figured you’d say something like that, but I told him I wanted to talk to you about it before going any further with the discussion.”

“So when do you want to talk to him about it?”

“I told him I’d try to let him know if we were interested Wednesday when we get back from the trip.”

“So you were almost as sure the doctors would let me go as I was.”

“Well, yeah, but I didn’t want to say anything just in case I was wrong.”

“And here all along, I thought you were pooh-poohing the idea. You are a tricky one.”

“Well…”

“So, are you excited about seeing Gaby?”

“Of course I am. I am, however, a bit concerned about how Drew is going to cope with going back into boy mode once they return home.”

“So you’ve said. He’s a strong character, he shouldn’t have much trouble making the switch back.”

“I hope you’re right.”

“I am. Trust me on this.”

‘Easier said than done,’ Dave couldn’t help but think to himself. From there, the conversation gradually diminished until Dave found himself looking once again at the sleeping form of his wife.

___________________

I feel so awful having thoughts like that about her, but there’s still this voice in the back of my mind that won’t let me get past everything that’s happened. I still love her, all right, but the trust thing is a bit more difficult than it once was.

___________________

As he drifted off to sleep, those thoughts about trust simply would not go away.

___________________

Dave opened his eyes to find George standing beside the bed. Startled, he stuttered out, “Wha…what are you doing here?”

“Just checking up on my girl. Thank you for bringing her back from the brink.”

“I did nothing for you.”

“Oh, but you did. Far more than I can tell you.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“As I said, I can’t tell you.”

“Is there something going on between you?”

“Oh, no, it’s nothing like that. But I need her back.”

“So this has all been about the team?”

“You could say that.”

“And what if she decides to call it quits?”

“You don’t really think she’d do something like that, do you? Certainly not. Racing is what she was meant to do, and she knows it. There is no way she could possibly allow anything to stop her from doing what she was meant to do.”

“That still doesn’t explain why you’re so interested? Are you in love with her?”

“I won’t deny that, but alas, she only has eyes for her bikes. That’s not to say I haven’t tried.”

“I knew there was something about you that wasn’t trustworthy,” Dave sprang out of bed and wrapped his hands around George’s neck. “I want you to leave her, and the rest of my family, alone.”

“Oh, I can’t do that, Dave. Jenny is mine, and so soon Gaby will be.”

“You do know Gaby’s actually a boy named Drew?”

“That’s not the case. You’re the only one who doesn’t realize it yet.”

“What are you saying?”

“That the masquerade is Drew, not Gaby.”

Dave wrapped his fingers more tightly around George’s neck, trying to wring the life out of him, saying over and over again, “No! No…”

____________________

Dave woke up and looked at the clock to find that it was just after 4am. “Well, at this point, I might as well start getting around, since Carol will be picking us up in less than an hour.” He quickly went into the bathroom and took a shower; as he was returning to the bedroom to dress Jenny woke up.

“Oh, good, you’ve already finished with the shower. I’ll only be a minute.” Jen went to the bathroom and quickly showered herself. While she did that, Dave finished getting dressed, then went down and started the tea.

When Carol pulled up outside at just after 5, they had just finished up their second cups of tea, and had put their things away in the kitchen. Dave grabbed the bags and followed Jenny out the door and down to Carol’s car, where they climbed in and set off on their trip to Manchester airport.

Carol was the first to find her voice this early morning, “So, are you excited about seeing Drew?”

“More than I can explain,” said Jen.

“That about sums it up for me as well,” added Dave.

“Part of me wishes I were going, so I could see Maddy,” opined Carol.

“Unfortunately, I don’t think we’ll be seeing her. As far as I know, she’s not making the trip to Atlanta,” replied Jen.

“Ah, just as well then, I suppose. At least they’ll be coming home soon.”

“That’s true. I for one am really looking forward to it,” said Dave.

The conversation, what there was of it, carried on along these lines all the way to the airport. As Carol pulled up outside the terminal to allow her passengers to disembark, she said, “Well, there you go. Have a great weekend, and tell Drew hi from me.”

“We sure will, Carol. I may not have to say this, but thanks,” replied Dave.

“Well you’re right you don’t need to say it, but you’re welcome.”

“I don’t mean just the ride. You’ve been a great help to us for a long time.”

“Well, we’re family. And we’re friends. There’s no way I would even think of doing anything less.”

Jen jumped in, “If we don’t get a move on, we’ll be late getting through the check in. Carol, thanks for everything. We’ll see you next week. I’ll call with times when we get our return flight info.”

“Thanks, cuz. See you when you get back.”

“Love you,” Jen said softly.

“Love you too, silly,” replied Carol.

“Um, I’m terribly sorry to break up this little family gathering, but we do have a plane to catch,” Dave said with as much humor in his voice as he could muster so early in the morning.

“Right. Call me with your arrival time, okay?”

“We will. Thanks again.”

They closed the car doors and boot, and then Carol slowly pulled away from the curb, leaving Jenny and Dave to make their way through the check in and find the Apollinaris charter flight’s gate. They breezed through emigration much faster than they had anticipated, and then were able to find their way to the appropriate gate just moments before the plane taxied up to the terminal.

Since no one was getting off the flight, and they were the only ones getting on, it was only a matter of the plane pulling up, the walkway being extended, and the Bonds going aboard, all of which took less than five minutes. As they found their seats and the pilot awaited clearance to return to the sky, Jenny and Dave were warmly greeted by all of her teammates, which seemed more like a family reunion than anything else.

Then George came up, gave Jenny a brief hug, and offered his hand to Dave, who took it, though he couldn’t help but flash briefly to those strange dreams he had been having for so long now. If George noticed any reluctance or coldness in Dave’s greeting he ignored it, then moved on toward his own seat. It was only a few minutes later that the fasten seatbelts sign came on, signaling that they were once again on their way.

“Dave, how are you doing?” Maria surprised him with the question, as he was expecting to be mostly ignored this trip.

“Good, Maria. Really looking forward to seeing Drew again.”

“Yes, I imagine so. I’ve been so lucky that Kat can travel with the team, so I don’t have to be away from her for weeks at a time.” Then she turned to Jenny and said, “You seem to be doing better than last week when I saw you. How are you feeling?”

“I still tire very easily, but the doctor says that’s normal, and will gradually get better. It may be a while before I can ride competitively again, but don’t go giving away my spot on the team or anything.”

Tina jumped in, “Little chance of that.”

Jenny responded, “Tina! How have you been?”

“Good. Ready to begin racing again.”

“Yes, I imagine so. I’m getting rather anxious for that moment to come for me as well.”

“I understand, but don’t try to rush things too much. You could do more damage than good if you push too hard.”

“Yes, mum. You sounded like Dave for a moment.”

“And have you listened to me?” Dave interjected.

“Most of the time.”

“Uh, yeah.”

“And just what exactly are you saying?” Jen asked, becoming a bit perturbed.

Before Dave could answer, Maria jumped in to answer for him, “I think what he’s saying is that the evidence hasn’t always supported your assertion.”

Jenny started to respond, but then stopped, looked first at Dave then Maria, and started to chuckle. “All right, point taken.”

Once the flight was under way, the conversation slowed down as everyone drifted off into their own little worlds. First, Maria and Kat settled in with a movie, then Tina decided to take a nap, joined shortly by Jen, who was looking a bit worse for wear from the morning’s activity, leaving Dave once again alone with his never ending whirlwind of thoughts.

___________________

It’s good to see Jen getting along with her teammates again. I know they all said things were back to normal once George and Maria filled them in on the details of what really happened, but I was a little concerned that maybe some of them might still be a little cold toward her, after her deceit. I guess my worrying was all for naught on that point. Hope that can turn out to be the case on some other issues that’ve been keeping me up nights, like Drew/Gaby.

Isn’t it odd that no one has ever questioned whether Gaby is a girl? Drew is boy enough that at least some people see him as such when in boy mode, so why isn’t there any such confusion when he’s presenting as a girl? While I could probably talk my way around all of this and come up with plenty of plausible explanations, what I’ve started to believe is that while Drew can create in other people’s minds just enough questions about his gender that some of them guess boy, as Gaby, there aren’t any such questions. As Drew, he strikes most people as a tomboy, who is sometimes taken for a boy, but as Gaby, well, let’s just say she’s very much a girl. I must say, I don’t like that answer at all, but it certainly seems to fit what’s going on most of the time. Maybe all this will go away once his puberty finally kicks in. But, why’s it being delayed so? I was a little late to start myself, but I didn’t have the feminine features Drew has.

We haven’t really talked much about Dr. Sanwari’s findings last autumn, what with Jen’s problems, but that’s certainly something that’s going to have to be addressed, and soon. I’m assuming that he’ll be wanting us to go see the endocrinologist in the very near future to run those tests he had mentioned before, since apparently there are still no signs of puberty on the scene. At least, from what I’ve heard, that’s the case. We’ll know more tomorrow, when we actually get to see him. I can hardly wait.

___________________

Dave eventually joined Jenny, and most of the Apollinaris team, in their in-flight slumber.

___________________

Dave opened his eyes, and was greeted by the face of his youngest child, “Gaby! How are you?”

“Great, daddy. Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, for a change,” He now took a moment to take in her appearance. “So why are you so dressed up?”

“Oh, this? Paul is coming by in a bit to take me to a movie.”

“Really? I didn’t think you liked boys?”

“Da-ad! What girl doesn’t like being pampered by a boy?”

“I just didn’t think this was something you were interested in, since…”

“Since when? Have you forgotten everything that’s gone on lately? Like the surgery to open up my parts so they’d work properly?”

“Excuse me?”

“You really are a bit out of it at the moment, aren’t you? Well, never mind.” She bent down over her father and gave him a kiss on the cheek, just as there was a knock at the door. She ran for the door, opened it, and headed out to join Paul, grabbing her purse on the way out…

___________________

A stewardess was making her way down the aisle, waking passengers and asking them to please put their seat belts on, because they would seen be starting their approach into Hartsfield Jackson International airport.

As Dave wiped the sleep from his eyes and began returning his seat to the upright position and fastening his seatbelt, the pilot came over the intercom to inform his passengers of the their impending arrival.

Dave let out a big yawn, then looked at his wife and asked, “Sleep well?”

She looked back at him, thought for a second, then said, “I did, actually. What about you?”

“Not too bad, really. Strange dreams, though.”

“What about?”

“Gaby.”

“Ahh,” Jen said knowingly.

_____________________

I don’t know that I ever thought about it before, but I imagine he does have some trouble with everything that’s been going on with Gaby this past year. Most men are so protective of their ‘maleness’ that they seem to freak out when they feel it’s being threatened. Dave’s not as bad as most, but this business has got to be making his head spin, having Drew show up as Gaby, sometimes with little or no warning. He does so well at appearing to take everything in stride, not overreacting to anything, but…

_____________________

It was a fairly subdued group that passed through Customs, gathered up their luggage, and boarded the hotel bus to make their way to their accommodations so they could all relax in preparation for the race the next day. Once settled in their room, both Dave and Jen made an effort to stay awake for a while in order to avoid having trouble sleeping that night. They read, watched some television, and unpacked until time to join the rest of the team in the restaurant downstairs for dinner.

As they neared the large table that was reserved for the Apollinaris team, George looked up and quickly called to them, “Jenny, Dave, please come join me, won’t you?”
Jen enthusiastically waved to George and headed his way, Dave following in her wake. “George, you’ve outdone yourself,” Jen enthused.

As they took their seats between George and Maria, George responded, “Only the finest for my team.”

“Since when?” joked Tina.

“I take it not all accommodations are this nice on tour?” Dave said, knowing full well that the hospitality on offer in Atlanta was far more lavish than is often found on the European tour.

“You could say that,” replied Maria.

“I do try,” defended George, which prompted a round of chuckles making it’s way around the table. Dave found it slightly unsettling that the sound emanating from George the director so closely resembled the tone of the stranger in his dreams these past few months.

Dinner continued along a similar vein, and once everyone was finished, George took the opportunity to rise from his chair, tapping the side of his glass with a knife to get everyone’s attention. “Ladies…and gentlemen, it is so good to see you all together again. With luck, perhaps this upcoming year will be able to equal our successes of last. I am pleased to welcome back Mrs. Bond, who once her recovery is complete will be rejoining us in our quest to dominate our sport.” He paused for just a moment as a combination of applause and laughter sprinkled the room. “We have some exciting plans for this season, which I will be introducing at our post race news conference and reception tomorrow, but I would like to inform you now that one of our new programs is going to be a junior development program, where we will be subsidizing training and travel costs for select youths who have demonstrated excellence in cycling. Our first member will be introduced tomorrow, in the person of one Gaby Bond.” He again paused, this time to allow a warm round of applause to flow from those at the table. It actually continued until Jenny and Dave rose to acknowledge the congratulations of the team, then as the noise returned to a more normal level, he continued once again. “Gaby, much like her mother, was born to race bikes, and we can all expect great things in the future from both generations of Bonds.”

Another round of applause prompted a pause in the address. “As you probably are aware, Gaby is riding in the race tomorrow, and while I don’t think I need to say this to any of you, should you find yourself in a position to do so, please keep an eye on the child. From what I understand, she is quite gifted, and it’s entirely possible you may find her toward the front of the peleton tomorrow.”

“In closing, I want to offer my prayers and best wishes to all of you not only for tomorrow, but for this entire season to come. We will be heading toward the start area at 7am, so I would suggest that everyone take the opportunity to get to bed early and get some rest.” And with that, the gathered group began to disperse.

As Dave and Jenny started to get up from the table, George and Mike the mechanic approached them. It was Mike who spoke, “Dave, I understand you are fairly proficient in the area of bike setup?”

“I’ve done a bit, yes.”

“I imagine you have with those two around, yes. I wasn’t able to bring any of my staff other than Kat, who is an intern, on this trip; and was wondering if I could impose upon you to provide a hand tomorrow morning in getting everyone’s bikes ready?”

“Certainly, any time. Do we need to head out before the riders?”

“Probably not. Basically all we need to do is a final check of each machine, but running two stands instead of one will make it a much quicker process.”

“Understood. I’ll see you in the morning, then.”
George finally spoke, “Thank you, Dave. We really do appreciate this.”

Dave and Jenny then retired to their room where, once they determined that it was in fact late enough that they could probably go to bed without worry of incurring the wrath of jet lag, they changed into their sleepwear and crawled under the covers, then turning out the bedside lamps. Sleep was so quick to visit both that you might have thought they were asleep before their heads hit their pillows.

For once, Dave was able to enjoy a relatively uneventful night’s sleep, and found himself waking of his own accord just before 6am. He got up, showered, and dressed in a t-shirt and jeans, thinking that would be more practical for working on bikes than something dressier. Once dressed, he went to wake Jenny, “Hey, Sleeping Beauty, time to get ready to go watch your child race today.”

“I’m looking forward to it, but if I’m Sleeping Beauty, then I need a kiss from Prince Charming before I can get out of bed.”

Dave bent over her and gave her a gentle kiss good morning, then stood back up and went over to a chair and sat down to wait while Jenny crawled out of bed and climbed in the shower, stripping her nightdress off on the way. He was reading over some information he had been given about today’s race as he waited.

_____________________

This should be an interesting day. Why exactly have I been drafted into playing bike mech? I know full well that Mike could handle this morning’s workload by himself, no problem. I’d guess he knows those machines better than their riders ever will, and can probably set one up perfectly for one of them without their presence, which is why this is confusing me. I mean, I do all right when it comes to bike setup, but I don’t know these ladies’ preferences on tire pressure, shifter tightness, or anything, really. Jen’s bike I could take care of if she were riding today with no problems. The same is true for Drew’s. But I really don’t know much about how Maria or Tina, or any of the other girls ride.

Maybe I’m worrying about nothing. I bet Mike’s got everything written down, and all you have to do is follow the directions. Of course, that still doesn’t explain why I got drafted in the first place.

______________________

Dave’s confused musings were interrupted by Jen clearing her throat to draw his attention to the fact that she was ready to go; it was almost time to meet the others to catch the shuttle to the start area. Once he appeared to have rejoined the world she spoke, “We’d best be heading down, since it’s nearly 7.”

“True,” said Dave as he got up out of his chair and made his way to the room’s door. He opened it, and stepped aside saying, “Ladies first.”

Jen giggled, then walked through the door followed by her husband. As they climbed onboard the elevator, Dave asked, “What’s this with Mike all about this morning?”

“I don’t know what you mean, luv. He usually has a couple of assistants with him, but apparently they couldn’t make the trip this time. He knows you always took care of mine and Drew’s bikes at home, so he was sure you’d be able to help. He was asking because he needs a hand, and had hoped you’d be generous enough to do it.”

“Why does that explanation smell a bit like a just used milking barn?”

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Whatever,” Dave said just as the door opened on the hotel lobby, where they disembarked from the elevator and headed toward the entrance, where Mike, George, and several members of the Apollinaris team had just congregated, waiting for the arrival of their shuttle which was to take them to the start area for today’s race.

“Good morning Dave, Jenny,” said George, entirely too chipper for this early in the morning.

“Morning,” said Jen, as Dave reached out his hand to shake George’s. Just then the shuttle bus pulled up outside, and everyone went outside and piled onboard.

It was actually a fairly short ride, and within minutes they were stopped in front of the team tent. They all went inside, Jenny joining the riders as they began their warm-up stretching routines, and Dave went with Mike and began checking everyone’s bikes. As it turned out, other than adding some air pressure to a few tires, the bikes were already set up per specifications, and they were done with the starting machines within a few minutes, then set about getting the backups ready.

“So why’d you ask me to help? I mean, it’s not like there was much of anything to do this morning. Everything seemed to be in tip top shape already,” asked Dave as he applied a little oil to the chain on one of the backup bikes.

“Well Dave, I was already a little familiar with your work, having looked at Jenny’s bike in England, so I had a pretty good idea that you knew what you were doing. I really do usually have a couple of assistants with me…not that they’re in your class as a mechanic, but…since they couldn’t make this trip, and I knew you were going to be here, I thought we could take a few minutes to get to know each other better, over something we’re both good at.”

“I guess I can’t really fault that logic. It has been, of course, my pleasure to be of assistance. There’s the last one, anything else you’d like me to do?”

“Oh, no, you’ve done plenty already. The race will be starting in not too much longer. Please, go enjoy watching your young one. I’ve heard many great things about her. Jenny says she’ll soon be better than dear old mum ever thought about being. That’s saying something, I’d think.”

“Gaby is indeed a gifted rider, much like her mum. Sometimes to watch them, you’d think they were the same person, although if anything I think Gaby’s even more of an aggressive rider than Jen.”

“A bit reckless, then?”

“At times, yes. And she has the scars to show for it, along with the trophies.”

“Well, I hope I get the chance to see her today then. I’m looking forward to it. If she manages to stay with the front of the pack, I may get that chance, since I’ll be driving support with the spare bikes.”

Dave wiped his hands clean, then said, “Mike, it’s been a pleasure this morning,” and offered his hand in a gesture of respect and friendship.

“For me as well, Dave. Now go find your wife and a good spot to see the big video screen by the finish.”

Dave headed over to where Jen was watching as the last of her teammates was preparing to mount her steed and head over to the race start. “Are you about ready to go find somewhere to watch this spectacle?”

“Absolutely, but we won’t have to search too hard. George has a reserved spot right by the video screen with shade, refreshments, the works.”

“Star treatment, eh?”

“Only the best for us, luv.”

As they walked arm in arm to the Apollinaris reserved section of the stands, they couldn’t help but chuckle to each other. They took their seats just as the rolling start began to make its way toward the official start line. George, as soon as he saw they had arrived, asked, “May I get you anything to eat or drink. I know it was rather early, so you may not have had a chance for any breakfast.”

“You are correct about that. Do you have any croissants? I know better than to order tea in this country, what about coffee?”

“Coffee and croissants it is for the lady. What about you, Dave?”

“I’ll have the same, I think.”

“Very well. It will be but a moment.”

As they waited for the desired breakfasts to arrive, Dave looked at the video board just as he caught a glimpse of Gaby riding by with her teammates from the Grottoes Express. He felt his heart leap at the sight of his child, but by the time he had got Jen’s attention toward the screen the child was gone. Once the food and drink arrived, they were all occupied for a time, and Dave, for one, took advantage of the silence to allow his mind to ponder things for a moment.

___________________

I wonder if Gaby knows her hero, Lance, is in the race today? That ought to be good for a thrill or seven for the child. I hope she gets the chance to meet him, actually. Maybe that would be at the root of a little less hero worship.

I wonder what Mike was really up to this morning. There’s no way he needed help getting those bikes ready. He wanted me to help him, and that’s what I tried to do. I actually like Mike a lot, I really do, and it was fun working on the bikes this morning. But was that all just about ‘hanging out’ for the morning? I don’t think so. I don’t know the whole story yet, but I will.

Well, who is that making the sudden push through the peleton toward the front? Is that Gaby?

___________________

“Jen, is that Gaby?”

“Where?”

“Leading that attack up the middle of the peleton?”

Jen looked for a second, then came back with, “I think it just may be.”

Just then, the front of the pack peeled off from the starting group, opening up a fairly wide margin. When all was said and done, Gaby’s team was well ensconced within the group of frontrunners. “Well, that was impressive, I’d say,” piped in George, who up ‘til now had never actually seen Drew ride in a race.

“Yes, an excellent move, keeping the team in contention by starting their move before the frontrunners made their own. Well executed.”

“Most impressive.”

George jumped in again, “So how exactly did they manage to know when the push was coming, and anticipate it by starting before the rest of them?”

“That’s hard to explain really, without asking the mastermind herself. I imagine our little Gaby must have caught some sign from the way everyone was paying more attention to what the riders around them were doing, or something. She’s very good at spotting things like that,” said Dave.

Jen looked at Dave and smiled, thinking of how well he understood their child’s ways on a bike.

George broke the growing silence between them by asking, “I’ve never seen her ride before, but I am already most impressed. I imagine the two of you are used to it by now, but I feel quite honored to be allowed to watch such a prodigy display her talents.”

Jen replied, “I’m almost ashamed to admit this, but I’d never really watched Gaby race before today. Before I left for Germany, I was always preparing for my own event, or spending time with our oldest, Juliette, who’s not terribly fond of cycling. I know what Gaby’s going to do somewhat, because she rides exactly the same way I do, only she’s going to be better. She’s already far beyond where I was at that age. Dave, as coach/mechanic/lone support person probably knows both of us better than any other person on this Earth, especially the way we ride. He’s actually quite a treasure trove of cycling information, even though most of the time he doesn’t care all that much for riding himself.”

Dave jumped in, “And I daresay what you’ve seen so far is nothing compared to what she is likely to do the rest of the race.”

“Then I look forward to it.”

As the front pack of riders sorted themselves out and settled down to a comfortable pace for the next few miles, Dave once again found his thoughts wandering.

_______________________

Good move, Drew. You’ve certainly developed a fan in George there. He was going to include you in this youth program of his before, but you’ve solidified your spot this morning. Your mum is suitably impressed as well. She knew that you were good, but I think this morning has crystallized for her just how like her you really are. I think she sees herself from younger days in you. Only better, as if you have the youth combined with all the accumulated knowledge she has now. Just how good are you going to become? What are you going to do next? I’m fairly sure you’ve some more ideas floating around in that head of yours.

I wonder how you feel about riding today as Gaby, and not Drew? I know that at times in the past, you’ve tried to make certain there is a definite demarcation between the two, but does that separation still exist? Or have these past few weeks blurred those lines forever? You are so obviously Gaby right now, but will Drew ever come back? I worry for you, my child.

It’s going to be so great seeing you after the race, but I’m feeling a bit guilty about not also seeing your sister. I wonder if she ever feels like she’s getting the short end of things? I hope not. It’s just that, well, you’ve always needed more of my time. That’s sort of the nature of your sport, whereas her only real athletic activity is badminton, and while we’ve always gone to her matches and such, she doesn’t travel as much to go to events, hence she doesn’t need me for chauffer service as frequently. Plus, I spend a lot of time working on bikes, but there’s really not much I can or know how to do with badminton racquets. I just wonder sometimes if she doesn’t think we’re playing favorites because you get so much more time and attention?

So, I wonder what Jen is thinking about all of this? I don’t know that she’s ever just watched racing. Is she antsy to climb on board and join them, or is she realizing just how much work it’s going to take for her to get back to competing? Maybe this trip will turn out to be a good ‘wakeup call’ of sorts for her, so she’ll maybe start to understand just how much work she has to do before racing can be done once again.

____________________

Dave’s thoughts were interrupted when Jen nudged him and asked, “Did you see that? Gaby’s team on the video screen making a move up toward the front?”

“Oh, yes. I’m guessing she’s got something up her sleeve that is going to require being in the front.”

George piped in, “Something tells me I’m going to learn something sitting here watching with you two.”

Dave replied, “I don’t know about that. We just have a pretty good idea what kinds of things she’s likely to do. However, there’ve been plenty of times I’ve been surprised, particularly toward the end of races.”

“So I take it Gaby is a bit creative?” George asked.

“As has been pointed out, she’s just like her mum…only better,” Jen beamed.

“Better? Now that’s going to take some convincing,” said George.

“Prepare to be convinced,” retorted Jen.

____________________

That’s something I haven’t seen in quite a while…Jen showing her pride in the kids. I think that’s the thing that’s most been missing this past year, what with her being so wrapped up in her own riding career. If nothing else comes of all this, that’s worth it. To hear her say something like that about Drew…even if I didn’t love her with all my heart, I’d probably have to start after that.

Wow, that was soppy. In any event, I wonder what Gaby’s got in mind next? What’s that? She’s talking to Maria and Tina.

_____________________

When they saw Gaby pull up alongside Maria, George asked, “Any idea what she’s planning?”

“Not a clue, but I’d be willing to bet she has a plan,” commented Dave.

Just then Jen said, “Look! She’s pulling away from them and heading toward…no, she can’t be…”

“What?” asked George and Dave simultaneously.

They sat in relative silence as they watched Gaby pull up alongside the US Postal team. They gasped when they saw that she was speaking to Armstrong, and by the time she was getting his autograph, the entire crowd was in hysterics. Once Gaby had pulled away from Lance and his teammates, everyone was laughing, clapping, and generally having a marvelous time.

“So what was that all about?” George asked once Gaby had settled back in to the group of riders and the commotion within the crowd had diminished to less of a roar.
Dave spoke first, “I’m not entirely sure. I know Lance Armstrong is one of her heroes, but I can’t believe she took that opportunity to engage in hero worship.”

“It wasn’t that, Dave,” Jenny offered. “Notice what was going on while she was talking to him? It was the feed. I’d bet she was expecting a breakaway at the feed, and was trying to prevent it from leaving her behind.”

“You did say she is a creative rider.”

“Yes, we did. Sometimes even I don’t realize just how creative,” commented Dave.

When the breakaway did finally happen, Gaby found herself surrounded by some of the elite of the sport, and when all was said and done, she was right on Lance Armstrong’s wheel. This prompted another huge response from the assembled crowd, many of whom were asking just who that young girl was.

A reporter noticed Jenny sitting with Dave and George, watching the video board intently, and came over to ask a couple of questions. “Jenny, why aren’t you riding today?”

Taken aback by the sudden questioning, she looked at the young man holding up a small recorder for her response and said, “I’ve been rather ill of late, and still need some time to recover.”

“Then why’d you make the trip to America?”

“To watch my Gaby race.”

“Gaby?”

“My daughter,” Jen said, and pointed at the video screen. “Right there on Lance’s wheel.”

“Really? So I take she’s taking after her mother?”

“You could say that.”

“Thanks for answering my questions.”

“You’re welcome,” Jenny said as the reporter backed away, leaving them once more to enjoy the show.

______________________

I’m not so sure it’s a good idea to establish Gaby as such a public figure. It could be bad for Drew, when the truth comes out…and no doubt it will eventually. But his mum seems to really be enjoying playing with the press like that. I just hope it doesn’t backfire on her. It could damage not only her reputation, but Drew’s as well. I wish I knew a way to keep that from happening.

That was a rather inventive approach out there. I’ve heard of using distraction as a tactic, but never imagined such a directly invasive approach. It does seem to have worked, and she managed to stay with the front pack when the break did finally happen. I just hope she has the good sense to avoid the sprint when the time comes. I doubt she has enough left to keep up, and that’s a fairly dangerous place to run out of gas.

She’s had a great race, really. Who would’ve ever believed that a young teen could stay with the best professional riders in the business? Nobody, that’s who, and yet here Gaby’s done just that. I daresay few will remember who wins today, but for years to come, they’ll remember what she’s done. I’m not sure how that’s going to translate into Drew’s racing back home, but…

Maybe I was wrong about the George character? He seems a nice enough bloke. Polite, respectful…nothing like the evil monster my subconscious had made him out to be. I realize I’m probably seeing him at his best, but still, I have to admit that I’m starting to like the guy.

Jenny’s starting to look a bit tired, like maybe she needs to lie down. I hope she hasn’t overdone things in coming here. I’d hate to think that she set herself on course for a relapse just so she could come watch our child ride in a race. While this has been an enjoyable trip so far, there’s no way it could possibly be worth her getting worse over.

___________________

As the riders rounded a corner heading toward the final sprint, Gaby peeled away from the pack and went wide open on the opposite side of the road from the other riders.

“What’s she up to this time?” Dave asked.

“I’m not sure, luv. At least she’s not caught in the middle of the main sprint,” replied Jen.

George looked on with a combination of surprise and confusion on his face as they watched Gaby make her run for the front, hoping to be able to sneak by unnoticed until it was too late. When the main group of leaders saw what she was up to, they began their sprint and eventually overtook her, and she eventually crossed the finish line in roughly the same place she had begun her final effort. She collapsed as she crossed the finish line, was caught by a race official, and taken to a medical tent where she was laid on a table. As soon as Dave and Jenny realized what had happened, they ran to the medical tent. Once it was determined that they were the child’s parents, they were allowed inside to await medical attention.

Dave was the first to find his voice, once they were inside the tent. “Well, he’s done it again. I wonder if he forgot his iron tablets this morning?”

“So this is what’s been happening that prompted the doctor’s visit?” Jen asked.

“Yes. Dr. Sanwari said it was because of a chronic iron deficiency. He prescribed iron supplements, which are supposed to be taken every day. Sometimes, the child forgets.”

“What can you say? Teenagers!” Jen replied.

Just then, a paramedic came in to check on Gaby. “Are either one of you related to the girl?” he asked.

“Yes, we’re her parents,” offered Dave.

“Does she have any medical conditions that might have contributed to this?”

“Yes, she has an iron deficiency problem that has caused her to pass out on occasion. She takes tablets for it, but with so much exertion what with today’s race…” Dave’s voice trailed off as the paramedic nodded, then reached into one of his cases and pulled out an iron tablet.

“If I can get her awake enough to swallow this I’d be willing to bet it would take care of the problem,” said the paramedic as he came over beside Gaby. He rose up her head and saw her eyes flutter open just a bit, then spoke to her, “Can you swallow this for me miss? I suspect it’ll make you feel a lot better.”

She managed to regain enough consciousness to swallow the tablet, then lay her head back down to rest. The paramedic stepped away from her side and went to talk to the parents. “She’ll probably be all right in a bit. If not, we’ll need to transport her to a hospital for further examination and treatment, but I didn’t think it’d hurt to try the iron, since she has the pre-existing condition. All her vital signs are good, and as far as I can tell, there’s nothing really wrong with her, other than exhaustion.”

“Thank you for taking care of her, and keeping an eye on her to make sure she comes around,” said Jenny.

“Yes, thank you very much,” added Dave.

A few minutes later, the elder Bonds were gathered around their youngest child, as they could tell he was beginning to come around.

"Drew, Drew, wake up son," Dave said as he gently shook his son’s shoulder.

"Come on Kiddo," Jenny added.

"Mum?"

"Yes Drew, I'm here."

In the background they could hear the PA system blaring out, the commentator seemed pretty agitated.

"You okay now?"

"I told her to stay from the sprint,” Tina, out of sight was telling someone.

"Um"

"You've caused quite a stir today young man, that was quite a stunt you pulled on Lance," Jen noted. "What are we gonna do with you"

It took Drew a moment to focus enough on what was going on to say anything. "What are you doing here?" he asked Jenny.

"Tell you later, you feeling better? Seems there are a few people outside want to see you."

He managed to get his eyes properly open, which revealed that he was in some sort tent and sure enough both his Mum and Dad were there.

"Come on kiddo," Dave encouraged.

Drew had barely sat up fully when he found himself wrapped up in a hug from Jenny. Dave joined in, and the three of them held that position for a couple of minutes before the silence was broken by Jenny saying, “Well we’d best poke our heads out there and get this over with, eh?”

Drew looked first at his mum, then at his dad, and said, “Let’s go then.” Once he got down from the table he had been resting on, he and his parents crossed to the opening in the tent and began to poke their heads through.

"There she is," an excited shout went up and suddenly there was a mad scramble of bodies heading towards the Bond trio.

"Hey Jim, get security over."

The three of them looked about to see who had come to their aid and were surprised to see Lance Armstrong providing first defense against the press pack.

"Best wait inside for a few minutes ladies."

They returned to the relative safety of the tent, where they began to try to take in what had just happened. Dave found his voice first, saying, “Well, it seems you have caused quite a stir, young…lady.”

“It would appear so.”

Drew still wasn’t sure what all the fuss was about, and the confusion showed on his face. He finally asked, “So what exactly is it I’m supposed to have done?”

“Do you mean other than go toe to toe with the world’s best riders over a fifty mile course?”

“Oh…” though it was hard to tell because he was already so flushed from the combination of exertion and heat, Drew visibly blushed when the realization hit.

Maybe it was the heat, or the overwhelming nature of what had just transpired, but all three Bonds found themselves quietly relaxing, trying to compose themselves for the upcoming onslaught.

___________________

That child is something else, I tell you. Brilliant, the William Wallace of the cycling world, able to strategize circles around the greatest riders in the sport, but take him off his saddle, and part of his brain shuts down or something. No, wait, I’d best get used to thinking in terms of Gaby for the rest of today’s events. Wouldn’t want to slip up and cause a stir now, would we?

Jen is taking things in stride though. Of course, she does have a little more experience dealing with the press than Gaby or I do, so I guess that’s to be expected. Probably ought to bow to her lead for what’s to come.

Wow, I hadn’t really stopped to think about it earlier, but…Gaby, you are even more beautiful than the last time I saw you. I was worried before that you might find it difficult to go back to being Drew when this is all over with, and I can see now I was probably right to worry. If there were ever any flaws in your presentation as a girl, they are all gone now. There is no way in the world anyone would ever think this lovely young girl before me, even smelly and sweaty from today’s adventure, is a boy.

That’s part of what I’m having a problem with, really. I love you, no matter how you decide to live your life, but I am rather used to having Drew about, seeing as you alone were with us for the first thirteen years of your life. This past year, with you sharing time with Gaby has been a bit strange for me, and now? Unsettling is a good word, though it seems a bit insufficient. Scared is a bit too strong, but only a bit. I apparently don’t even know what I think about all of this. Maybe it’s difficult to distill things down to one word, because one word can’t cover it all. Unsettled, scared, confused, concerned…these are all words that describe part of what I’m feeling, but they leave out a big part. It seems rather strange to think like this, but it does make me proud, in an odd way. Confused, but proud.

_____________________

Ten minutes later Lance joined them.

"Well y'all got a temp'ry reprieve but I did promise you'd be at the press conference"

"Thanks Mr. Armstrong" Dave started.

"Call me Lance, look I have to go right now, we'll talk later maybe, I think I need to talk to this young lady."

And with that and a ruffle of Gaby’s hair he was gone.

"Well young lady, seems you have friends in high places" Jen stated.

Despite her tired state her face broke out in a huge grin.

"Come on you two, George wants you both at the Apollinaris press thing." Dave broke in.

"Why?"

"Later kiddo, lets get this over with." Jen suggested.

They made it to the press conference just as George was bringing order to things so they could begin. They took three open seats on the front row, and waited through a long string of questions, many of which were about why Jenny had not ridden today. He deftly sidestepped them, and eventually, once everyone was either satisfied or at least placated, he moved on to the next item on the agenda.

"We at Apollinaris like to think in terms of the long term health of our sport, not just how many wins can we collect this year, but ten or twenty years from now. With that in mind, we have decided to establish a junior development squad, where we will select bright young competitors and help them with travel and training costs, enabling them to develop to their fullest potential. Und the first member of our junior development squad will be our own Welt Champion's wunderkind, Gaby Bond."

George waved for Jenny and Gaby to stand up, then join him on stage behind the podium. There were hundreds of flashes going off all around as George reached under the desk of the podium and pulled out a jersey and helped Jen put it on Gaby over her Grottoes Express top. Gaby looked at it for a moment and realized it was an Apollinaris jersey with her name on it. She stood there with a combination of disbelief and joy plastered on her face until Jenny led her back to their seats, and then after rejoining Dave, they all three left the press conference.

They were heading back to the Apollinaris tent when they heard a friendly voice.

"Oh thank heavens you're okay Gaby, when we heard from the Germans that you were sick we got worried." Erin exclaimed giving the child a hug.

"Um Mum, this is Erin that I told you about? Erin this is my Mum and Dad."

"Pleasure to meet with you Ms Bond, Mr. Bond, I can see where Gab gets her looks.

“Good to meet you too Erin, thanks for looking after this one. And it's Jenny” Jen replied.

“It's been a pleasure Jenny, would you like to join us to eat this evening?”

“We'd love to but I don't think George would appreciate it if his ‘star rider' missed the team presentation tonight, which reminds me, did you bring anything you can wear tonight ‘Gaby'?”

“Er…not really” she admitted.

“Well maybe another time,” Erin suggested, a hint of disappointment in her voice.

“George!”

“Ah Dave, Jenny and the wunderkind”

“Erin, this is George Má¼ller, our Director,” Jen stated, “George, can we slip a few extra bodies in this evening?”

“For die freund auf Gaby?”

”žJa der radler team von Grottoes“ Mum replied.

”žHaben Sie nummern?“

“How many of you are there?“ Jenny asked a bemused Erin.

“Er ten, nine if you don't count Gab.”

“Neun George.”

“Neun! Mein Gott !“ he looked at Gaby and Erin, then Jenny. “Okay Mir ist schwindlig!”

Jen burst out laughing along with George; the rest of them just stood looking confused.

“Sorry guys. Erin, do you think your team could join us at tonight's presentation? Free food, there might even be a few faces you'll recognize?”

“You're kidding right?”

“Straight up.”

“Dave, moment bitte” George led Dave away leaving the ‘girls' alone.

As they walked, Dave asked, “What can I do for you?”

“Well, funny you should put it like that. We’ve been
most impressed with the way you’ve shepherded Gaby’s fledgling career, and were hoping you’d consider joining the Apollinaris team as Director of the Junior Development program, as well as working with Mike.”

“Do you mean as in a job?”

“Ja, as in a job. I am fairly sure I can pay you more than you currently make, and it will make it so your family can spend more time together, since you would be based out of our team headquarters in Germany.”

“So you’re saying I’d have to relocate my family?”

“Not necessarily. Because part of your job would include traveling to check up on members and potential future members of the program, you would be away from time to time. And there would be times when your presence would be needed at various race locations to assist Mike at major events like the big stage events, and the Welt Championships.”

“I don’t know. I don’t like the idea of forcing my family to move, and all that travel could prove to be a problem with the kids schooling. I must admit, it would be nice to spend a little more time with Jen than we had
the chance to do this past year.”

“Why don’t you think about it and let me know, okay? If you should have any questions, just ask. We would really like for you to join our team. Mike was particularly impressed with the way you handled yourself during setup this morning.”

“What, that? He had all the settings written down and I just followed directions. A trained monkey could’ve done it.”

“May be, but Mike seems to think the two of you could work well together. And as for the junior program, you will already be doing the job for our first member anyway.”

“That is true. So, that’s what this ‘help Mike out’ was all about? Listen, George. I really need to think about this a while. I’ll let you know, but it may take a week or two. I’d like to talk to my boss back home, and with the kids coming home from America next week, I’d really like to include them in the decision as well, since it would affect them.”

“Take your time. I’ll see you this evening at our reception, no?”

“Of course, we wouldn’t miss it.”

“Gut. I see you later then.” With that, George walked off, leaving Dave standing there with lots of new things to think about, on top of everything else. Of course, he didn’t have long to think, as his thoughts were quickly interrupted by a voice calling for his attention.

“Um, Dave?”

Startled, Dave looked over to see Erin standing next to him holding a bike, “Erin, isn’t it? Can I help you?”

“Yes, it’s Erin. We were packing up the bikes, and wondered if you wanted to take Gaby’s with you?”

“I thought it was only for her use while here? We never agreed to allow her to accept such a lavish gift.”

“The thing is, the frame was custom made for her, and wouldn’t really fit anyone else. Besides, the frame was a gift to Gaby from Diane, the woman who made it, while the other bits are presents from various members of the team. It’s not like we were intending this to be some big endorsement arrangement, just that we all love Gaby, and wanted to do something for her. Please allow her to accept these gifts?”

“It all seems a bit extravagant, but all right. How about if I take it with me, and we’ll take it back with us when we go home?”

“Thank you so much, Dave. I couldn’t imagine telling everyone that Gaby wouldn’t be able to keep their presents. We’ve all learned a lot riding with her these past weeks.”

“I’m pleased to know she wasn’t being a bother to anyone, that she seems to have made so many great friends.” Dave took the bike from Erin. “I suppose we’ll be seeing you at the reception this evening?”

“Absolutely, we wouldn’t miss this for the world,” Erin bubbled, obviously excited over the prospect of hob knobbing with the sport’s elite.

“Good, then until this evening,” Dave said, then started back toward the hotel shuttle bus. Erin smiled at him one more time, then headed off toward where her teammates were packing up their things so they could return to their hotel and get cleaned up for the evening’s festivities.

Once back at the hotel, Dave pushed the bike along, taking the elevator up and then pushing it toward their suite, when just as he got to the door, he encountered Jen and Gaby coming out.

"Have you seen this thing Jen?"

"Not properly hun."

"Well young um lady" Dave chose his words carefully as someone was just getting out of the lift. "This is quite some machine, Ms Biggs invested a lot in this."

"I know and it was great to ride."

"How much Dave?" Jenny enquired.

"Guestimate? Well the Record kit would top two grand, the wheels another thou and even at trade the frame must be worth about seven or eight."

Jen whistled, "its true what they say about amateurs spending more than the pro's. Anyway, how did it go with George?"

"You already know what he wanted to talk about, you could've warned me."

"Sorry luv but that's how he wanted to do it. So?"

“I need to think about it - and talk to Frank.”

“You want to come to the press conference?”

“Give me five, I need a quick rinse.”

“Okay we'll wait for you downstairs.”

Dave pushed the bike through the door to the hotel suite, then quickly stripped off his sweaty clothes and jumped into the shower.

__________________

Maybe I’m being paranoid, but I still can’t quite bring myself to fully trust George, which may be part of why I’m not sure what to do about this job offer. Frank has been great over the years, allowing me some flexible time so I could take Drew to his races and so on, but George said he’d pay me more, basically to work on bikes, take Drew to his events, and check on the progress of some other kids. But no matter what anyone says, I can’t shake the feeling that it would mean having to move to Germany, at least part time, and we can’t afford to maintain multiple residences, that’s for certain.

And what about Jules? How fair would it be to make her move? I don’t know that I can justify making the kids change to German schools, although it’s possible that away from Maddy’s influence the frequency of Gaby incidents might decrease some. I just don’t see how I can take the job, even if almost everything about it is perfect for us.

__________________

Dave quickly washed, rinsed, and got out of the shower, then dried quickly and pulled on a fresh change of clothes, making sure he was a bit more presentable for the press conference. He then picked up his room key and made his way down to the lobby, where Jenny and Gaby were waiting for him. As he exited the lift, he saw them sitting across the lobby, obviously deep in conversation, so he quickly made his way toward them, and when he reached where they were, he said, “What are you two plotting?”

“Sprekken zee Doitch?” Gaby tried out the bit of German that Kat had taught her.

“We'll see.”

Jen spoke up, “So are we ready then?”

“Yes, and just in time, I’d say. It wouldn’t do to make Mr. Armstrong wait, would it?”

Fortunately, the US Postal press conference was being
held in this same hotel, so all they had to do was make their way to the correct banquet hall. They were ushered up to the front where Lance asked them to stand to one side, but be prepared to answer a few questions, as there no doubt would be quite a few interested journalists on hand.

Once underway, it took very little time for things to shift to the subject that was apparently on every reporter’s mind today.

"So Lance what's it like to have your fans follow you in the peleton?" One wag asked.

"Well there's a first time for everything. I must admit I was a bit surprised."

"That it was a girl?"

"Hey I have female fans!" which raised something of a laugh in the auditorium. "Seriously though, I did wonder where she had come from."

"So do you know anything about her?” another journo asked.

"My spies have been out and I can tell you her name leastwise, Gaby Bond, maybe she can fill you in a bit, Gaby?"

Attention swung from America's favourite bikie to where he pointed, toward Gaby. "Gaby."

"Gaby!" A cacophony of voices vied for attention as the youngster cowered into her mum’s side.

"One at a time guys, you'll scare the girl half to death, Jerry you get first crack." LA suggested.

"Gaby, Jerry Bosnich American Cycle Sport, can you tell us a bit about yourself?"

"Er…."

"Go on kiddo," Jenny whispered.

"Um, I'm Gaby Bond and I'm in America on an exchange trip to a place called Grottoes."

"You had a great ride today Gaby, where did you learn to ride like that?"

"From my Mum mostly."

"Is she a racer Gaby?"

"Um guys," Lance interjected. “Why not ask Mrs. Bond that one?"

"Mrs. Bond?"

Jen stood up and moved forward, to the sound of a few muffled comments. "I have been known to ride a few events," Jenny grinned. There was a bit of nudging going on but the current questioner seemed oblivious.

"So what level do you race at?" he pointed his recorder earnestly at her.

"Andy!" someone tried to warn him but he blundered on.

"Well a few stage races." Lance couldn't hold his mirth any longer and burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" the hapless journo enquired of anyone.

"Andy, that's Jenny Bond in front of you." Jerry smirked.

"And?"

"Jenny Bond, Women's World Champion, Ladies Tdf winner?"

"Oh shit!" That brought guffaws all round and Andy turned a shade of red previously unknown to a human face.

“Why did you ask Lance to sign your number right there Gaby?”

“It'll be something to tell my kids,” that brought a lot of laughter, “actually it was to stop Lance escaping at the feed.”

“Well I'll be darned,” Lance allowed.

“My team, well me included aren't exactly in the same league so we needed something, an edge, to give us a chance of hanging on.”

By this time Lance was shaking his head. “You'll have to watch this one Lance!” someone shouted.

“I already am. How'd you know that we were planning that Gaby?"

“It's what I'd do, classic move, Indurain 1994 Tour,” Gaby flaunted her cycling knowledge.

“You got a contract handy Johan?” Lance joked.

Mr. Bruyneel was kind enough to wave some papers much to everyone's amusement. From there the ‘Gaby Show’ began to wind down and, once the press conference broke up, the Bonds found themselves once again face to face with one of the legends of cycling.

“So, young lady, are you going to allow me a couple of more years of being the biggest name in cycling before you dethrone me?” Lance joked as he once again tousled Gaby’s hair.

She replied, “I don’t think you have anything to worry about for a while.”

Lance then turned his attention to Jenny, “I don’t mean to be too personal or anything, but when were you diagnosed?”

“Pardon?”

“With cancer?”

“Just before the Worlds. How did you know?”

“Let’s just say I’ve been around it enough to know the signs. Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone. So, are you going to be able to rejoin the tour at some point?”

“That’s my plan, but it’s going to be a while yet, I’m afraid.”

“Good, I’m glad to know you’re getting better. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to give me a call, all right?”

“All right,” replied Jenny.

“Well, Mr. Armstrong, thanks for your help earlier.”

“It’s Lance, and you’re most welcome. It would appear you have your hands full with these two.”

“You could say that,” Dave said.

With a wave, Lance left the Bonds standing there as the press filed out of the hall, heading toward their next event. Dave was the first to speak, “What do you say we find our way back up to the room and relax a bit before time to get ready for George’s reception?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” said an obviously tired Jenny.

The three of them made their way back to the Bond’s suite, where they all decided to lay down for a bit, but not before Dave had the forethought to call the desk and request a call to ensure they all had ample time to get ready and make it to the festivities on time.

________________

Well, that was an eventful day, to say the least. Gaby’s race was quite impressive, that’s for sure. Unfortunately, it may have the less than desired effect of establishing her as a serious rider on the world stage, and I say unfortunately because of course we are still talking about my son after all. How is Drew going to cope? He now has a reputation as both himself, and as the girl Gaby. He obviously can’t maintain both, can he? So which one continues on? And which one is left behind?

I guess this is really just a mild complication attached to an already severely complicated situation, really. I’m afraid that at some point either Drew or Gaby is going to have to go away, and I worry about which direction things will go. Could Drew continue without Gaby being a part of things? And conversely, could Gaby go on without splitting time with Drew? At some point, one or the other is going to have to happen, it can’t be avoided now. So which will it ultimately be?

I wonder if these last couple of days have helped Jen realize just how far she has to go in terms of her recovery before she’ll be ready to start training? I hope so, but somehow, I doubt it. She’s just so anxious, I’m afraid she’s going to hurt herself pushing too hard too fast. I hope she doesn’t take my caution as not wanting her to try, because that’s not it. I just want her to be realistic about how much she can do, and how long it’s going to take to improve.

I’m actually glad that Lance said something to her about the cancer. She was a little surprised that anyone would actually say anything. I mean no, to the normal
man on the street, all they see when they look at her is that she might be a bit tired. But to someone who’s spent a lot of time with cancer patients and survivors,
I imagine it would become huge.

I wish Jules had been able to come down as well. I sometimes feel so guilty for spending more time with Drew than I do her. I know that it’s easily rationalized by mentioning things like ‘he’s younger and need more attention’ or ‘I have to provide transport to and from all those races so far away, whereas most of Jules’ things are right there close to home’, but what it comes down to is, I don’t always have the time for both of them I wish I did, and it’s easier to let her suffer the result because she’s older and doesn’t need as much in terms of hauling around and such. I have got to make sure to spend more time with her when they get back. It’s only fair, really.

What am I going to tell them about this job offer? It would definitely be nice to have a little more money, but at what price? Taking the risk of both of this family’s earners’ job security being tied up in the same organization? And in a racing team at that? I don’t know if I could do that, even if I were certain I wanted to take the job. What happens if Jen can’t come back after all? Does my job also suddenly evaporate? Then where are we? With no income whatsoever, that’s where. I don’t see how I can possibly even consider such an arrangement, really. Not to mention the fact that I actually like the people I’m currently working with.
I mean, yes, if I had my druthers, I’d still prefer archeology, but that’s not terribly lucrative, outside of a university classroom, or Egyptian desert, neither one of which terribly appeal to me. The classroom would keep me out of the field, and I’d have to be away from my family and home far too much if I went gallivanting about the globe digging up goodies. So for me, the best solution is probably to stay put, and enjoy my visits to the castles of Great Britain after Drew’s races.

__________________

After allowing his mind to wander until he nearly gave himself a headache, Dave decided to go ahead and get ready early so the bathroom would be available for the others to get ready when the time came. He didn’t really feel he needed another shower, but took one anyway before shaving again and getting dressed, this time in his best suit. Once done, he returned to the main part of the hotel suite and nudged the sleeping form of his wife to let her know that the bath was free if she needed it for her preparations.

A few minutes later, Jenny reappeared, dressed in her Apollinaris ‘uniform’ skirt and blouse, with faint makeup and her hair restyled into a more formal arrangement.

“How is it you can get ready that quickly, and yet at home it always takes you forever?” Dave asked, half in jest.

“Don’t give me any of your lip, mister,” was her playful reply. They next turned their collective attention to the lounging form of Gaby, who was just beginning to stir as the phone rang.

Dave picked up the receiver, “Hello?”

“Yes, Mr. Bond, this is the front desk. You had requested a call at 5pm, sir?”

“Yes, thank you very much.”

“Anytime, sir.”

Dave hung up the phone just as Gaby rolled off the bed and went to the bathroom to begin her preparations for the evening’s party. Jenny grabbed a couple of dress options for her ‘daughter’ to try, and after discarding the team uniform because it simply didn’t look good on her, they decided on a nice dress and low heels. Jen left the bathroom to put up the discarded outfits, and by the time she returned to help Gaby with her makeup, Gab was done, and ready to go.

“I take it that’s one of the things you’ve learned during these past few weeks?”

“Yes, I couldn’t very well rely on Jules, Deb and Brit to do it for me all the time, could I? It’s quite easy, actually.”

“And you’re very good at it as well.”

“Thanks, mum,” she said, giving Jen a hug. She then presented herself to her father, asking, ”Well daddy, how do I look?”

After a brief dream flashback, Dave quickly recomposed himself and replied, “Stunning, the both of you. I’ll be the envy of the gathering.”

Jen came up next to him, poked him in the ribs, and said, “Flatterer.”

“Well, now that we’re all dressed up, do we hang out here in the room until time, or shall we go down to the lobby to wait?” Dave asked.

They all agreed it would probably be more fun to go wait in the lobby, if for no other reason, the people-watching opportunities, so they left the suite, took the lift down to the lobby, and found a comfortable place to sit, wait and watch. Their wait wasn’t nearly as long as they had first expected, as George came by and invited them in to the banquet room where final preparations were being made for the evening’s gathering.

“Jenny, as our unofficial team ‘captain’, would you be willing to host the presentations portion of the evening?” George asked as they walked into the hall.

“I suppose I can do that, but why me?”

“As I said, you are the team captain, at least unofficially, and we have a few cups and medals to formally present. Other than that, all you’ll need to do is introduce a short video of 2003 team highlights.”

“All right,” she finally answered. Once George had moved on to supervise some other detail of the evening, Jen turned to Dave and said, “During my part, will you please stay by me? I’d feel less nervous.”

“Of course,” replied Dave.

Then she turned to Gaby, “And I guess you’re going to have to act as ‘hostess’ for your American friends this evening.”

“Okay,” Gaby said a little nervously.

“Now don’t go getting all nervous on me. You have nothing to worry about. Just help them feel welcome, make introductions when you can, and be the beautiful, charming young lady that you can be. All right?”

“Okay.”

Not long after they arrived, it seems other guests started arriving early as well. By the time the meal was served, the party was already in full swing, and Gaby, and even Jenny, were much more relaxed than they were not long before. The food was good and plentiful, the conversation engaging, and by the time Jenny stood up to the podium to introduce the video, everyone was having a great time.

Once the few presentations and announcements were finished, everyone seemed to begin enjoying themselves even more than before, and from their seats at the head table Jen and Dave could see that Gaby was the ‘belle of the ball’, attracting attention from nearly ever corner of the room and seemingly enjoying every moment of it.
She was treated as an equal by all the riders in attendance, and treated as a serious up and comer by most of the press on hand as well.

At the end of the evening, the Bonds as ‘hosts’ for the evening said their goodbyes to all the guests as everyone departed, and when it came time for the Express members to leave, Gaby joined them, once Jenny promised they would meet for breakfast in the morning before the Americans began their long journey home.

Once the last of the guests were on their way, George thanked Jenny for acting as hostess, and then she and Dave returned to their suite, where they barely managed to undress before falling asleep in their bed. The next morning, they did in fact join the Grottoes Express for breakfast.

“So Erin, have you had a good weekend?” Dave asked between bites.

“Absolutely. We had ridden in the Classic for the last few years, but this is our first team win, and we owe it all to Gaby.”

“How do you figure that? I didn’t finish with the team?” Gaby asked, somewhat confused.

“Do you have any idea how much we’ve learned from riding with you these past weeks?” Diane offered.

“I haven’t done anything special,” Gaby tried to brush away the compliments.

“Nothing special? We learned more about tactics riding with you than could ever be learned from a book. And it was much more enjoyable as well,” it was Derrick’s turn to jump in.

“Well, all I can say is thank you to all of you for looking after my child while she’s been here,” said Jenny, with Dave quietly nodding his head in agreement.

“It has been our pleasure, and any time she wants to come back she’s more than welcome,” said Erin.

Outside the restaurant, Gaby walked up to Dave and Jenny and said, “It’s been so good seeing you this weekend. I’ve missed you so much. Can I just come home with you now?”

“Now there,” Dave spoke first. “You’ll be coming home next week. You wouldn’t want to miss out on your last week in America, would you?”

“We’ve missed you too, but we want you to enjoy the time you have left here before you come home, all right?” Jenny added.

Gaby wiped a few tears from her cheek, then said, “Okay. I’ll see you soon. Love you.”

Dave and Jen spoke together, “Love you too.”

“We’ll see you when you get home,” Dave added.

“Give your sister a hug for me, okay?” Jenny said.

“Okay, I will. Love you,” and with that, Gaby climbed into the passenger seat of Erin’s truck, and the Grottoes Express ‘convoy’ hit the road, heading back to Virginia.

“I think that was harder than when they left England,” Jenny said to Dave as they waved to the departing vehicles.

“I know what you mean. I nearly didn’t let her go this morning,” offered Dave.

Jenny and Dave hugged each other as the caravan pulled out of sight.

As Dave and Jenny crossed the threshold and entered Castle Bond, it was easy to see they were both well past the point of exhaustion. As Dave dropped their bags just inside the door and they both plopped down on the sofa in the front room, he spoke, “Home, sweet home. I don’t think I’ve ever been so glad to be anywhere in my entire life.”

Jen was silent for a moment before speaking, “It was an exhausting trip home, but wasn’t it fun watching Gaby race?”

“Oh yes, that part was great. It was everything else that went on that wore me out. And I still have decisions to make.”

Lost in Thought, Part 11
By Jillian

As Dave and Jenny crossed the threshold and entered Castle Bond, it was easy to see they were both well past the point of exhaustion. As Dave dropped their bags just inside the door and they both plopped down on the sofa in the front room, he spoke, “Home, sweet home. I don’t think I’ve ever been so glad to be anywhere in my entire life.”

Jen was silent for a moment before speaking, “It was an exhausting trip home, but wasn’t it fun watching Gaby race?”

“Oh yes, that part was great. It was everything else that went on that wore me out. And I still have decisions to make.”

“Any more thoughts on that?”

“Not really. I mean, I can see a fairly extensive list of pluses and minuses associated with George’s offer. I’ll keep thinking about it, and I’ll talk to Frank in the morning.”

“I’m not sure I have the energy to climb the stairs to go to bed,” Jenny sighed after a long moment’s silence during which she nearly fell asleep.

Dave responded, “Come on, luv. I’ll give you a hand, all right?” He helped her to her feet, then followed her closely as they went upstairs. Once changed into nightclothes, they quickly climbed into bed and turned out the lights. Jenny’s head barely made contact with her pillow before she was gently snoring. Dave was nowhere near as fortunate.

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I guess I’m going to have to make some sort of decision on this, aren’t I? I don’t suppose I could do this youth program and still work for Frank? Not that I just love working in a lumber mill, but the people have been great to me, and Frank has been an awesome boss, allowing time off for Drew’s races, and things like this trip to Atlanta. I would feel incredibly guilty just up and leaving him after everything he’s done for us.

But on the other hand, how could I pass up a job that would pay me to take Drew around to races and make sure he’s training like he’s supposed to? Admittedly, there would be a lot more involved than just that, obviously, but…sounds a bit like money for nothing.

How about if we take a step back and look at each side objectively? On the plus side is being paid to assist Drew and whatever other youngsters they may decide to add to the program. I say that’s a plus, because it’s bound to be more interesting than filing invoices all day, isn’t it? On the minus side, I would have to leave Frank and all my friends at the mill. I know that may not sound like all that much, but they’ve all been great friends this past year in particular. It almost feels disloyal just thinking about leaving them.

Back to the plus side, this program is certain to be good for Drew and his racing career. He seems to thrive on tough competition, just like his mum. The tougher they are, the harder he competes, sometimes pushing himself beyond his limits. But on the minus, what about Jules? I worry that I don’t spend enough time with her as it is. How much worse is that bound to get if I’m running all over creation monitoring a bunch of children’s training? And that doesn’t even begin to take into consideration the part of the job where I would be working with Mike keeping bikes ready for competitions.

On the plus side, assuming Jen is able to eventually return to competition, this job would make it possible for us all to be together a lot more than we were this past year. But that would mean taking the kids away from the only place they’ve ever known as home and moving them to a whole new country, where they don’t even know the language. How could I do that in all good conscience? It would be particularly unfair to Juliette, who really has no reason for making such a move, beyond the family staying together. And what happens down the road, when Jen can’t compete at that level anymore? Does my job disappear along with hers? If so, then what do we do? I can’t expect Frank to hold my old job open for me to come back when this is all over with, can I? As strange as it sounds, I think I still need to talk to Frank about all of this. He’s always been a reliable source for advice, and I trust his judgment. Maybe he’ll be able to think of something I’m not that could sway the balance one way or the other.

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Tired of tossing and turning, Dave decided he was thirsty, so he got up out of bed and went to the bathroom, where he took a drink of water, and silently stared at his reflection in the mirror. Finally reaching the conclusion that this wasn’t helping him get to sleep, he returned to bed, where his mind continued to refuse to slow down enough to allow sleep to visit him.

______________________

All this just sort of ignores a much more important issue…Gaby. I still, looking back on the weekend, have a hard time believing that the beautiful young girl we spent the weekend with was actually my son. The entire weekend, I never saw any sign of a boy at all. It was actually a little scary, in a way. Before, there had been a little thing here or there that, if you paid close enough attention, you could see signs of the boy underneath it all, but not now. Gaby used to be a masquerade. I don’t know anymore. Is it possible that Gaby has become the real person, and Drew is little more than an act? I’m almost afraid to discover the answers here, but once they come home, I suppose we will find out one way or another what’s really going on, won’t we?

I think the thing that made all this start to form in my mind was the look in Gaby’s eyes. There was a life there, a twinkle. The only other place I’ve ever seen that look was in Jen’s eyes. It’s a look that says they’re attacking life full speed ahead. That’s a look I don’t ever remember seeing in Drew’s eyes, except maybe when he was racing. But Gaby had that look all weekend long, just like her mum. What does that mean? I guess we’ll have to wait until the weekend when they get home to really figure these things out.

I wonder if Jules has noticed the change in her brother? From what I understand, they’ve been sharing a room while in America, and I wonder if she’s observed any changes since Gaby’s been around full time for so long? Maybe I don’t want to know the answer to that one?

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In spite of tossing and turning, both physically and mentally, Dave did finally manage to drift off to sleep. And for a change, he managed to avoid being awakened by strange dreams. So when he did wake up the next morning it was a surprisingly refreshed Dave Bond that prepared for his return to the mill, and the mountains of paperwork that no doubt would be waiting for him.

As he made his way through the piles of paperwork that had indeed greeted him, he found that for the first time since before they had left for Atlanta he was able to stop thinking about the job offer, and all the complications that would come along with it.

At lunchtime, Frank came by and for the first time all morning brought Dave out of his trancelike state. “So, could I interest you in joining me for lunch?” he asked once he had Dave’s attention.

“Is it that time already? I had no idea,” Dave replied.

“I gathered that from the way you were so engrossed. I almost hated to interrupt.”

“At least I’ve nearly caught back up.”

“So, are you coming or not?”

“Sure, why not?”

A few minutes later, they found themselves seated in a local pub, where they had just placed their lunch orders. Dave decided to start in before Frank had a chance to divert him with other subjects. “So, what kind of terms were you talking about for the car?”

“Well, I know roughly what the dealer was willing to allow in trade, so what if I sold it to you at that price, taking payments? Say, somewhere in the neighborhood of a hundred pounds a week?”

“That sounds reasonable to me. I had been thinking I’d sell the old Passat. I could give you that towards it as well, cut down on how long it takes.”

“Shall we call that a deal then?”

“Yes, I think we will.”

Just then, their food was delivered to them, and they started eating in relative quiet…well, as quiet as you can find in a busy pub at lunchtime, at least. After a few minutes, Dave decided to break that quiet saying, “Frank, there’s something else I need to talk to you about.”

Frank took a drink from his glass of beer, then said, “Sounds serious. What’s up?”

“Well,” Dave started, as he tried to decide how best to continue, “While we were on our trip, I had an interesting talk with the director of Jenny’s team in Germany.” He paused to take a sip from his glass, then continued, “He was telling me about their plans to start a youth development program, which they’ve already announced to the press that Drew is the first member, by the way…”

“That’s great news, but I can’t imagine that being the reason you’re having this much trouble telling me what’s going on.”

“No, you’re right about that. I was offered the position of director of said youth program.”

“Wow. What did you tell them?”

“I said I had to think about it, and I wanted to talk to you.”

“Why me? You know I can’t afford to offer you any more money at the moment.”

“No, I know that. The money is actually only a small part of it. I’ve been working for you a rather long time, and aside from just not wanting to leave you in the lurch, as it were, I’ve come to trust your advice as a friend. I don’t have a clue what I want to do, frankly,” Dave took another drink of his beer and looked at his friend for a moment.

“I know you well enough to know that you’ve spent a lot of time debating with yourself all the pros and cons of the offer. So tell me, what’s caused you to be so indecisive?”

“A lot of things, really. For one, I like working with you, and I’d hate to leave. This new job would probably mean we’d need to move to Germany, which I don’t really want to do, particularly to Juliette. I mean, there is no reason in the world why she would need to relocate. Drew is another matter, but Jules…”

“Well, I can understand where you’re coming from, I think. While this would mean your family would be together a lot more, it would mean taking the kids away from the world they’ve known their entire lives and throwing them into a society where they don’t even speak the language. About with you so far?”

“Nailed it in one. But there are other factors as well, like the fact that I don’t feel comfortable having my family’s entire financial well being wrapped up in something as precarious as pro cycling. What happens if Jen can’t make it back from her cancer? What if she can’t race anymore? Does my job then disappear along with hers? And are we then stuck living in another country, with few if any prospects?” Dave paused and took a large drink from his glass. “It’s not like I could expect you to hold my job open for me while I gallivanted about Europe fixing bikes and watching races, could I?” he asked, mostly rhetorically. “For every plus I can think of, I can also come up with a minus of equal value. I really have no idea what to do.”

Frank sat there for a moment before speaking, “First, let me say thank you for considering me enough of a friend to talk about this. Now, as your employer, I would hate to see you go, but it wouldn’t be fair of me to apply any kind of coercion in this situation, would it? As your friend, I can tell you that you were miserable from the moment she left for Germany until she came home, even with her being so sick. Since then, you’ve been worried certainly, but nowhere near as unhappy as you had been before. Telling you that may actually be bad for me as your boss, but I think you needed to hear it, just to remember what’s most important to you. So when are you supposed to give them your decision?”

“I think it will be a while yet. I’m sure they’ll want an answer by the time the season starts, but…” Dave allowed the thought to fade, as he still wasn’t sure what his answer would ultimately be. “Will you look at the time? We’d best get back, so I can finish catching up on those invoices.”

Having long since finished their meal, Frank paid the waitress the check plus gratuity and they headed back to the office. Dave settled back in to his work routine and before long had completely caught up with all the paperwork that had accumulated while he was away. It was at this point, with very little to occupy his mind, that the debate which had been raging resurfaced.

______________________

I know that Frank is probably right, and once Jenny is ready to go back to racing, maybe it would be good if I’ve taken that job so we can be closer. But I can’t shake this feeling that there’s something else at work. I can’t put my finger on any one thing, but I just don’t trust George. As far as I know, he’s never done anything that would cause me not to trust him, but that’s the way I feel anyway.

This whole moving to Germany thing has me a little concerned, really. I know practically no German, and the kids are no better off than I am. How can we possibly be expected to function in a country where the only member of the family that has a clue what others are saying is busy so much of the time training? I know, it would probably do us all a bit of good to learn some basic German, even if we weren’t considering moving there, what with Jenny and now Drew’s career paths. Maybe I could talk George into letting me take the youth director job on a part time basis, while staying here until Jen is healthy and ready to compete. Of course, they may not realize just how long that’s going to be, considering the fact that she’s still deluding herself that she’ll be back to full steam by midseason. I’m afraid that’s just not going to happen. The doctors keep telling her it’s going to take time, but she keeps trying to rush things along, even though they tell her that’s the worst thing she could possibly do.

I wonder if Drew told his sister anything about the job offer? I suspect he did, but who knows what her reaction will be. Drew is very excited by the prospect, but Jules? She has nothing to get excited about in this situation.

______________________

Dave was roused from his musings by the sounds of his co-workers leaving the office for the day. He looked at his watch and, surprised so much time had passed while he was lost in thought, did a quick tidy up of his desk, then headed out the door on his way home. Once in his car, he suddenly realized just how tired he was, and decided he’d best try to maintain his full concentration on the act of driving home. When he pulled in the driveway, thankful that he’d made the journey while remaining in one piece, he turned off the engine, climbed out, and made his way to the front door. Once inside, he quickly found Jenny in the kitchen, preparing dinner.

“Wow, something smells good,” he said as he came up behind her, standing in front of the stove.

“I thought now that I’m starting to feel better, I should take up some of the workload around here again.”

“Thank you, luv. So how are you feeling?”

“I’m starting to run down a bit, but far better than a few weeks ago, let me tell you.”

“Point taken.”

“So, did you get a chance to talk to Frank today?” she asked as she removed a casserole dish from the oven, and proceeded to carry it over to the table, where their places were already set.

Dave followed her to the table and took a seat. “Yes, he’s willing to take payments, and the total price is going to be the same amount the dealer offered to allow in trade. I told him I was going to sell the Passat, and we’d apply the proceeds of that sale toward this car.”

“What about the other?” Jenny asked as she dished up some casserole onto her plate.

Dave took a moment to serve his own meal, then said, “We talked for a bit, but I’m still not much closer to a decision.”

“Want to talk about it some more?” she asked as she raised a forkful of food to her mouth.

Dave took a bite, followed by a drink of the wine Jen had poured, before responding with, “I don’t know if it will help any more, but certainly.” He then took another bite of his dinner.

Knowing exactly the way Dave’s mind works, Jenny decided to ask, “So, what are the things that are making you hold back?”

Dave set his fork down before replying, “First, I don’t like the idea of moving the kids to a country where they don’t even know the language, particularly Jules.”

“Why particularly her?”

“You and I would be there because of our jobs, and Drew would benefit from training and competing with better riders, but Jules only reason for going would be to remain with us. There aren’t really any benefits she would derive from moving at this point.”

“Except for possibly getting to spend a little more time with her parents?”

“Precisely. Second, and I don’t want you to take this the wrong way…”

“Why is it whenever someone says that, they’re going to say something there’s really only one way to take?”

“Ha ha ha. As I was saying, I can’t put my finger on a specific reason for this, but I don’t trust George. He’s always struck me as a bit slimy, really. No offence, I know you like the guy.”

“Honestly, I understand what you’re saying completely. He sometimes seems a little like an estate agent. But most of the time, he’s on the up and up.”

“I hear you, but that doesn’t prevent me from being afraid of moving all of us to Germany just so we can wrap up our family’s financial security entirely in pro cycling. Doesn’t sound like the safest approach, does it?”

“You’re a big worry wart, but I suppose I can see where you’re coming from. However, no one said we would have to move permanently. There’s no reason we couldn’t keep the house here, and come back during the off-season, is there? I know we just paid off the mortgage, so there’s no real reason we would have to sell. We could get a place there for during the season, and once cycling is done with me...”

“When it’s done with you is another point I’m concerned about. When you’re not racing anymore, would I be out of a job as well? And if so, then what do we do? With neither of us bringing in anything, how would we get by until we could find work?”

“Okay, we’ve established that you can come up with multiple arguments opposed to taking this job. Is there anything about it that sounds appealing to you? I assume there must be, or you wouldn’t’ be having this much trouble making up your mind.”

“Of course. First and foremost, and while I’ve known this all along it was actually Frank who verbalized it at lunch today, is the simple fact that we would be able to be closer to you. He was fairly quick to point out that I was absolutely miserable from the moment you went to Germany until you came home after Christmas. I missed you more than I can put into words.”

“Then I take it that’s a fairly big plus in your book?”

“You could say that.”

“Anything else you can think of?”

“Yes, as I said before, I know it would be good for Drew’s development as an athlete to get the benefits of improved training and competition.”

They sat there in silence for a few minutes while they finished their meal, then Dave got up to clear away the dishes.

Jenny noticed what Dave was doing, and asked, “What are you doing?”

“Taking care of cleaning up after dinner.”

“You don’t need to do that. I cooked, I’ll clean up, all right? I’ve felt helpless for long enough, and I kind of like the idea of not being that way anymore.”

Dave set the dishes he had picked up back on the table, then said, “I suppose I can understand that. Let me know if you need any assistance, all right?”

“I will,” she replied.

Dave exited the room and decided to see what might be on the telly, while Jenny set about the task of post meal cleanup. Once completed, she joined him on the sofa to peruse the evening’s offerings. Once they settled on a program, both of them found their minds wandering, and wound up paying no attention whatsoever to the program.

______________________

I must admit, I’m a bit surprised actually. Dave is one of the most trusting people I’ve ever known, and here he is telling me he doesn’t trust George. Not that I don’t understand that somewhat. After all, George is a salesman, first and foremost, and we all know what they’re like. He’ll tell anyone anything in order to get what he wants. But still, if you go into any dealings with him understanding that he’s sometimes full of it, then he’s not that bad to put up with, really. Maybe Dave will find himself backing off that stance once he gets to know him a bit better? Well, if he allows himself to get to know George better, at least.

______________________

I get the feeling Jen is confused by my stance with George. Well, so be it. I can’t help how I feel, can I? And when the overwhelming feeling I get when talking to someone is that I can’t trust them, then I’m going to be inclined to go along with that feeling, plain and simple. So I have trouble taking what he says at face value. Is that such a bad thing?

All in all, I have to admit that when it comes down to it, I’ve been looking for reasons to not take the job, and I don’t know that I should be that way. It would be more money, It would be more interesting than doing paperwork at the mill every day, and it would make it so we’re all together all the time. I can’t overemphasize that enough. Having hundreds, or even thousands of miles separating us is no way to live. There’s no way in the world any excuse I can come up with for not taking the job can outweigh that point. Wow, I guess I just made up my mind…

______________________

It didn’t take the elder Bonds long to come to the conclusion that bed would probably be a better place than sitting on the sofa being bored by reruns of television programs that weren’t that good to begin with, so they together decided to turn off the telly and head upstairs for bed. Once there, Jenny turned to Dave and asked, “Anything else you’d like to discuss concerning the job?”

“Actually, yes. I’ve almost made up my mind to take it, but I don’t feel right making a decision that so completely impacts the kids without asking them what they think first.”

Jenny smiled and said, “You’re such a good mother.” Then she started giggling, and before too long Dave had added his own laughter to hers. They eventually turned out the lights and quickly found themselves enjoying the best night’s sleep either of them had experienced in a long time.

Life around Casa Bond tries to return to normal...but just what does THAT mean???

Lost in Thought, Part 12
By Jillian

As Dave climbed out of bed, he decided that in celebration of the kids’ return home from America, one of his famous fry-ups was in order. So once dressed, he headed downstairs to the kitchen and set about preparing a cholesterol feast of monumental proportions. As he did so, he couldn’t help but let his mind wander through the hill and dale that were his thoughts.

_____________________

Oh, but I have missed those kids! Jules looks great, happy, and calm. I hope that continues for a while, because that could make life a lot easier around here. Then again, I have this fear I’m not likely to get my wish, what with needing to talk to the kids about possibly taking that new job and all. I just know she’s going to be absolutely devastated. Even little things seem like the end of the world when you’re her age, and this really is a big deal. There’s no telling how she’s going to react. I’d best try to talk to her about it soon, so she can have a little time to digest things before we have the big family meeting to discuss it. Of course, for all I know, Drew may have already told her about the offer. But I need to talk to her about it anyway. That would only be fair.

This is one time I’m not so worried about Drew. I’m sure he’d miss Maddy and the rest of the gang, but he’d be getting the opportunity to train and compete with the world’s best. That would no doubt ease any misgivings on his part about moving. Of course, just exactly who would be making the move is another question. I know the child answered to Drew last night when I picked them up, but that doesn’t exactly look like my son Drew. That is Gaby, through and through. I suppose it’s possible that given a couple of days, Drew may make it back, but at this point I’m not really counting on that. Gaby’s been the dominant one for so long at this point, that Drew’s little more than a put on act. I sort of expected as much after the weekend in Atlanta, but I was still holding out hope that my boy might decide to come back from America.

_____________________

As the rest of the Bond clan drifted downstairs from their slumbers, Dave put the finishing touches on breakfast. It might not have been perfect, but it was abundant, and it was good. As they finished up their morning feast, it was Dave who first broached a return to the real world, saying, “Well I'm afraid I have to go into work.”

“Do you mind if I have the car Dave?” Jen asked.

“Demoted to the camper already?” Dave rolled his eyes. “'Course not, just don't go tiring yourself out Hun.”

“No doctor” Jenny grinned.

“Well I'll see you all later, and you two don't let your mother do too much okay.”

“Yes Dad.”

“No Dad.”

The kids’ opposing replies meant the same thing.

“So what are you two up to today?” Jen enquired.

“I'm going over to see Charlie and Anna,” Jules enthused. “We haven't talked in like forever.”

“Drew?”

“Dunno, I might go for a ride later I suppose.”

“Well before either of you get too distracted you can unpack and get your washing in the machine.”

“Muu-uum,” Jules groaned.

“If you think you are leaving six weeks of washing to fester in your case young lady you have another think coming.”

“We did do washing while we were in Grottoes.”

“You must still have dirty stuff. You can go out after you've unpacked.”

“Yes Mum.” we both allowed.

After witnessing this exchange, Dave kissed Jenny on the cheek and headed out the front door on his way to work. En route, his thoughts once again took over primary possession of his conscious mind.

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Funny the things you miss. It had been six weeks since I’d heard the kids grumble like that over chores and such, and while I knew there was something missing, I couldn’t quite put my finger on just what it was until this morning. That’s what it was, the bickering. It just doesn’t seem like home without it. It sure is good to have them home.

I’ll talk to Jules as soon as I get home today. It’s really only fair to give her a heads up as to what is going on. I’m actually hoping she won’t react as badly as I fear she will, because the bottom line is this is a great opportunity for us to be together a lot more as a family than we were this past year. I’m fairly certain that hers will be the only opposition when family meeting time comes, but maybe I’m wrong and she’ll think it a great learning experience?

_____________________

Dave parked the camper and made his way into his office, where like so many days before this, he tried his best to keep his mind on his work and his nose to the grindstone. Of course, that was easier said than done.

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I’ve a couple of uncomfortable discussion coming up. I’m really not looking forward to this chat I need to have with Juliette, but it can’t be put off. George is anxious for my decision, and if I want to include the kids input, she’s going to have to be told, and soon. I have a fair idea what her reaction is going to be though, and it’s not going to be pretty. Can’t say that I blame her, really. She’s the one member of the family who won’t benefit from the move, and she’s far enough along in her schooling that she’s not going to want to change. Unfortunately, I don’t know that I’m going to be able to let her preferences override the positive impact for everyone else. Maybe I’d best stop thinking about it before I give myself a headache.

Frank wants to know what’s going on as well, and I don’t like putting him off any more than I do Jules. However, I don’t want to burn that bridge until it’s definite. Not that there’s much of a decision to make at this point really. If Jen returns to the team, and there’s a chance for me to go as well so we don’t have to be separated, then I pretty much have to go, don’t I? That’s what all that was about the other day when Frank and I talked.

_____________________

Just as Dave was thinking about Frank, in he walked, making his way directly to Dave’s desk. Dave looked up at him and said, “Well, speak of the devil.”

“Hello, Dave. How are you today? You look a bit distracted.”

“You could say that. The kids being back home is great, but brings with it some added complications.”

“How so?”

“Well, Jen and I had decided that we wanted to include them in the decision about the possible move, and while I’m not worried about Drew’s reaction…I think he’s already looking forward to it actually…I’m afraid Juliette’s response is going to be less than positive. And I need to fill her in as soon as possible, as in today, so she can have a little time to think things through properly.”

“Moving a teenaged daughter away from the only world she’s ever known. Doesn’t sound like a recipe for a peaceful home life to me.”

“Nor me. But it’s got to be done, and there’s no time like the present. So as soon as I get home, the deed must be done. Then maybe I can stop keeping everyone hanging, waiting to find out what I’m doing.”

“Don’t think I’m trying to rush you or anything.”

“No, I wasn’t thinking anything like that. You wouldn’t, I know. You’ve been too good an employer, not to mention friend, to do that. But rest assured, the decision is coming. Oh, did you get the check I left on your desk?”

“Yes. You didn’t have to pay it off so quickly, I wasn’t worried about the money or anything.”

“I know, but I don’t like being in the position of owing people. So when we got so much more for the Passat than I expected, I wanted to settle things with you.”

“Fair enough, but that eliminates the one thing I had over your head in my effort to keep you here,” Frank said jokingly.

“Much as I hate to say it, you were the one who really made me think that job was something I might want to consider.”

“And I will kick myself for years for that one.”

“Well, right now I’d say it’s an 80 percent possibility that I’ll be taking the Apollinaris job, but I want to wait to make it official until after the kids have some time to digest things and we can talk about it. Sorry to keep holding you up in mid air like that.”

“I understand. Just let me know what you’re doing, all right?” and with that, Frank left Dave’s office and made his way back to his own, leaving Dave alone once again with his work and thoughts.

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I think he was more surprised by my getting the car paid off faster than expected than the idea of me taking that job. I really am going to miss Frank, assuming we do move. He’s been a good boss, and an even better friend.

Now back to the issue in question…Jules. I’m thinking that getting straight to the point may be the approach most likely to garner an explosive response, but it’s also better than beating about the bush and risking not telling her at all. This is going to be fun…NOT!

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A little later, his assigned tasks completed, Dave decided to head out a few minutes early, as he still needed to have that conversation with Juliette concerning Germany and the possible new job with Apollinaris. Once home, he walked in the door and was greeted by the sight of his eldest child plopped on the sofa, telephone in ear, just as if she hadn’t been gone at all these past six weeks. Speaking up to get her attention, he said, “Jules, I need you to get off the phone for a bit. There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

Taking the receiver away from her face, she replied, “In a minute, okay?”

“Don’t take too long. This is important,” he replied as he made his way to the kitchen to put some water on for tea. Then returning to the front room he found Jules just breaking the phone connection and putting down the handset. “Water will be ready for tea in a minute.” Dave took a seat across the room in his favorite chair.

“So, what’s this all about?” she asked, her voice dripping with teen angst.

“We as a family are going to have to make a decision soon, and I wanted to give you some information about the nature of said decision.”

“Why do I not like the sound of that?”

“Just wait until I’ve told you what’s going on, then take your time and think things through. This is a major decision concerning the entire family, and your mum and I don’t feel right making the decision without at least knowing your and Drew’s opinions.”

“Now I really don’t like it.”

”When your mum and I were in Atlanta, George, the Apollinaris team director, offered me a job.”

“As in…”

“As in director of their new youth development program, as well as serving as a bike mechanic for the team.”

“Now, let me guess,” Jules’ anger started becoming obvious as she spoke. “This isn’t something you can do from Warsop, is it?”

“No, if I were to take it, we would have to move to Germany.”

“How could you even consider such a thing? You want me to leave all my friends and…and… and…” she screamed at Dave, tears flowing down her cheeks. She then got up off the sofa, and stormed out of the room. Her stomping up the stairs could possibly have been audible in Nottingham, and the sound of her door slamming caused what felt like an earthquake that might have been felt as far away as London.

Dave continued to sit there for a moment, saying to himself, “That went well…” just as the teakettle started whistling, indicating that the water was ready. He got up, went back to the kitchen, and turned off the stove, making himself a cup of tea, which he then left sitting on the counter as he went upstairs for round two.

He knocked on her door and said, “Juliette? Please, let’s continue this discussion.” He was demonstrating far more restraint than he had expected he’d be able to as he then knocked again and said, “Jules? Come along sweetheart.”

After a moment, Jules opened the door. She stared at her father for a moment before wiping the tears from her cheeks and saying, “How could you?”

“Jules, I know that moving away from all your friends is awful. But, if I take this job, we won’t have to be separated from your mum all the time like we were last year.”

“Oh, now there’s compensation for being dragged halfway across Europe against your will.”

Dave started losing his cool and raised his voice to match Jules’, “Juliette Bond, wait one moment. Not another word until I’ve had a chance to finish telling you about this.”

Resignedly, Jules said, “All right. What else is there?”

Having regained some of his composure, a now much closer to normal sounding Dave said, “There are so many positives with this job, it’s going to be nearly impossible to turn down. It pays more while being much more interesting work, and we can live with your mum all the time. It will allow Drew to train with your mum and the team, so it’ll be huge for his development. And as far as you are concerned, there’s an outstanding English school in Bonn for children of diplomats and so on where you can finish your schooling. I know you would miss your friends, but you could think of it like another extended learning trip, like your stay in America.”

“Except there won’t be anyone there I know.”

“That is true. But please, don’t just set your mind against this without giving it some real thought, all right?” and with that Dave walked away from his daughter’s bedroom door as she closed it, this time in a much more subdued fashion. He made his way back downstairs, returning to the kitchen and his by now cold cup of tea.

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Well, at least there were no surprises there. Pretty much the reaction I was expecting. I just hope she can calm down and look at things from the standpoint of what’s good for the family. Ha! She’s a teenager, the most self-centered creature on the planet. If she can’t see an advantage to moving, she’ll be 100% opposed, I’m sure of it. Unfortunately for her, the pluses for the rest of the family far outweigh that, so I’m thinking we’re going to be moving. I just hope she’ll eventually come around and see it as a good thing for all of us.

_____________________

Glancing at his watch, Dave realized how late it was getting and said to himself, “Would you look at the time? Jen and Drew should be home soon. I’d best get something started for dinner.” After examining the available options, he prepared some chicken breasts and put them under the broiler to cook, then started some pasta cooking.

About the time the meal was ready, the car pulled in the driveway and in stumbled two very tired looking Bonds. “There you are! Get washed up, dinner will be ready in a moment,” Dave told them.

Jenny looked at him and said, “You are a lifesaver, luv.” Then she turned to Drew and said, “Go wash up and get your sister for dinner.”

Drew made his way upstairs to do as requested as Jen joined Dave in the kitchen to aid in finalizing the meal. She looked in the broiler and said, “Ooh, that looks good.”

“I hope it tastes as good as it looks. I’m still not the most confident around where my cooking is concerned.”

“Oh, you do far better than you realize most of the time.”

Just then, the kids came clomping down the stairs into the dining room, where Drew set the table while Jules slumped down in a chair and pouted. Jen took one look at her and said to Dave, “I take it you told her?”

Dave looked at his elder child and replied, “Whatever gave you that idea?”

That evening, the Bond family ate dinner in relative silence, as the gloom that radiated from Juliette seemed to drown whatever positive energy might have been in the room before her arrival. The moment she was finished picking at her food, she said, “May I be excused?” and without waiting for a response stormed back up to her room.

Dave looked first at Drew, then at Jenny, and said, “I suppose that could have gone a bit worse.”

Jenny looked at him as if he had two heads and said, “And how might that be?”

As they sat there looking at each other, Drew took the initiative and started clearing away the dinner dishes, taking them into the kitchen and washing up. In his absence, Jenny said, “If she doesn’t come round, what are we going to do?”

Dave thought for a moment before replying, “Well, since Drew, you, and I are all pretty much in agreement that this is something we need to do, I suppose we’ll have to just put up with her being extra grumpy, won’t we?”

“I hope that’s all it comes to, luv.”

“Me too.” After this brief exchange, Jen went into the front room to relax a bit while Dave went to help Drew with cleanup duty. Once there, he said, “Hey kiddo.”

“Hey Dad,” Drew responded as Dave picked up a towel and began drying dishes so they could be put away.

“I guess your sister isn’t too happy about the prospect of moving, is she?”

“I think she’s probably just blowing off steam. She’ll come round soon enough.”

“I hope you’re right, son. I hope you’re right.” Dave then looked directly at his youngest child and asked, “And what’s your take on things?”

Drew thought for a moment before responding, “I’m not thrilled by the prospect of leaving all my friends behind, but I can see how this is a great opportunity for all of us. You’re an ace spanner, and the travel should be really cool. Plus we get to be with mum all the time.”

“And what about for you?”

“Do you think I’ll get the chance to train with the team?”

“That is one thing I’m fairly certain of, son. George is wanting to keep a close eye on your development, so I can almost guarantee you’ll be getting a lot of extra help with training.”

Once they had finished putting away the pots and pans, Drew headed up to his bedroom, while Dave joined Jen in the front room. “Hey there.”

Nearly asleep sitting there, she looked up somewhat startled and said, “Hey yourself. Kitchen sorted?”

“Yes, I had some first class help in there.”

“Any ideas on the Jules situation?”

“Well, I’m with Drew. I’m hoping she’s just blowing up from raw emotion, and after she has a chance to think things over, she’ll come round.”

“A bit naíve, don’t you think?”

“Well, maybe, but I don’t care for the alternative. I think we should sit down and discuss the whole issue as a family tomorrow. See if we can’t iron a few things out.”

“Sounds like a plan. In the meantime, however, I think I’m going to go on up to bed. That trip to see Caroline has left me absolutely knackered.”

“I was afraid it might,” Dave responded as he got up, then helped her up and followed her up the stairs to the bedroom. Once Jen was settled in bed, Dave decided to take one more try at talking with Juliette, so he went to her room and knocked. When she opened the door, the tears were once again in evidence as he spoke, “Can we try to discuss this in a civil manner?”

She stepped aside allowing her father to come into her room as she replied, “I suppose.” He took a seat on the bench in front of her vanity, while she sat on the corner of the bed. They stared at each other for a moment before she broke the silence, “So what is it you wanted to discuss?”

“I think you have a fair idea about the subject matter.”

“How could you do this to me?”

“I swear to you, we are not trying to do anything ‘to you’, as you put it. We’re trying to make a decision about something that could be a great positive for the entire family.”

“I don’t see how making me move to another country can be a positive thing.”

“Think of it like this. Didn’t you miss your mum, with her being away so much last year?”

“What if I did?”

“If I take this job and we move to Germany, we won’t have to be separated like that. We’ll get to do a lot of traveling about the Continent, and the most important part is we’d all be together,” Dave paused to take a deep breath. “Wouldn’t that be preferable to spending another year apart?”

“I suppose you could see it that way, but I still don’t want to move.”

“Juliette, sweetheart, you’re always on about how we should treat you like an adult. Well, right now I’m asking you to be an adult about this decision. In a perfect world, there’d be no need to even have this discussion. But we don’t live in a perfect world, so we have to make tough decisions, and sometimes as adults we have to make those decisions based not on what we personally want, but rather what is best for the ones we love. Please think about that, all right?” Dave then got up and left the room, leaving his daughter to think about what he’d just said.

He returned to his and Jen’s bedroom to find she was already asleep, so he quietly got ready for bed and climbed in beside her. Unfortunately, unlike his wife, he didn’t find sleep quite so easily.

_____________________

Well, at least there weren’t any surprises this evening, were there? Juliette is having a major problem with the idea of moving, and honestly, if I were in her shoes I probably would as well. But we need to do what’s best for the whole family, which in this case I’m pretty certain is taking the job and moving to Germany. Sorry, Jules, I wish there were another way, but there just isn’t. I promise to try and make it up to you somehow. I’m not sure how at this point, but…

Drew is really starting to concern me. I was afraid something like this was going to happen. All that time as Gaby has finally made what appears to be a permanent impression on the child. No matter how much Drew asserts himself, he still looks like Gaby, plain and simple. There is no middle ground at this point. I mean yes, he answers to Drew, but tights under jeans? There’s not much denying that, is there? Even most girls don’t do that…only the really feminine ones, as I recall.

That child hasn’t been able to present a seriously masculine image in…I don’t know if he’s ever been able to, frankly. I don’t know, maybe everyone else has been right all along. Maybe life would be easier on the child if Gaby became permanent. She’s certainly the more natural persona at this point. Even at the best of times, Drew seems hollow, like an act, almost. And that ignores the simple fact that nobody ever seems to see a ‘him’ at first glance, no matter how the child is dressed. Of course, the fact that all his jeans are girls’ might have something to do with that, but that can’t begin to explain it all away. They literally fit the child better, so what are you going to do, eh?

_____________________

Sleep did finally visit Dave Bond, but the dreams that night were not kind.

_____________________

Dave walked in the house, to be immediately bombarded by Gaby bounding toward him and wrapping him in a hug the likes of which have rarely been experienced. “Good evening, Daddy!” she exclaimed as she kissed him on his cheek.

“Why the friendly greeting?” he asked as he extricated himself from his youngest child’s vise like grip.

“Oh, Daddy, can I have some money for a new dress? Josh just called and asked me to the dance with him, and I have nothing to wear!”

Dave stared at the child for a moment before speaking, “Whatever happened to ‘I’m never going to wear girl’s clothes again’?”

“Don’t be silly! Why would I say something like that?” she asked, a confused look crossing her face.

Dave reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, extracting some cash, which he handed to Gaby, “Here, this is all we can spare at the moment, so it looks as if you’re on a tight budget, young lady.”

“Okay Daddy, thanks.”

She started to head out the front door as Dave decided he had one more question, “What about Maddy?”

“She can find her own date! I’ll not be doing everything for her,” Gaby replied, kissing him again before heading out the door to go shopping for a dress.

Dave stood there touching the cheek Gaby had just kissed, seemingly in shock. Finally, he said to no one in particular, “Didn’t that used to be my son?”

_____________________

Dave’s eyes flew open as he started to comprehend the dream that had just awakened him. He looked over at Jen’s still sleeping form, then stared at the ceiling before finally managing a return to his sleeping state.

“Tell us, Mr. Bond, have you any children?”

“Yes, two. I would think you…”

She cut him off, “…There is no need to elaborate at this time. What are their names?”

“Juliette Bond, what are you playing at?” he managed to ask without completely blowing his top.

“Yes, I am one of your children. Who is the other?”

Dave stood silently for a minute before Jules spoke again.

“Is there a problem?”

Dave continued to look at Jules silently, unable to answer her question.

“Do you not know your own child’s name?”

He still could not answer.

“Do you know this child?”

“Yes, quite well.”

“And yet, you cannot tell the court the child’s name? How can this be?”

“No! Wait! This is all just a mistake!” he shouts as he is taken through the door.

Lost in Thought, Part 13
By Jillian

“So, did Dr. Johnson offer any thoughts on why our son is sprouting breasts?” Dave quietly asked his wife as they climbed into bed. He was making an effort to keep Jen’s mum, and the rest of the house, from hearing this topic of discussion, as he hoped to avoid embarrassing Drew.

“She just said we should know more next week when we go back. She did mention calling with test results, hopefully Tuesday, so maybe we’ll start finding things out then,” Jen whispered as she lay down and pulled the duvet up to help keep warm.

Doing the same, Dave joked, “So, did your mum always keep the house this cold? Or is this something special she does because she doesn’t like me?”

“Oh, it’s something special just for you, definitely,” she joked in reply. Then more seriously, she said, “I’m just as anxious to find out what exactly is going on as you are. But I’m afraid at the moment we’re going to have to continue to be patient. It takes time to run and analyze all these tests, and to figure out what is to be done about the results. There’s no rushing things where my child is concerned.”

“Of course, you’re right about that. It’s just that, before their trip, whatever changes were going on were so gradual that I hadn’t really noticed them, but it’s as if during those six weeks in America, Drew had completely disappeared, leaving Gaby in his place. Oh, he still answers to the name Drew, but I don’t think anyone would ever even consider the possibility that the person answering to that name is male in any way, shape, or form.”

Jen looked at him for a moment, then said in as soothing a voice as possible, “Accept what we’ve been given, and don’t concern yourself with the things we can’t control.”

“That’s very philosophical of you.”

“Let’s just say I’ve had a lot of time to think lately.”

“Well, I suppose for lack of another alternative…” Dave started.

“…We wait for the test results, and go from there,” Jen finished.

“I suppose so.”

Jenny leaned over and gave Dave a kiss goodnight, then rolled over to face the other direction as she prepared to go to sleep. “Good night,” she said once she was settled in position.

“Good night,” echoed Dave, though he seemed less than convinced that it would be good in any way.

__________________

Things just keep getting curiouser and curiouser, don’t they? I don’t suppose this bit with the breasts will just resolve itself in the near future, will it? More likely, things will just continue to get murkier, rather than clearing up. It’s bound to be difficult for the child to continue going to school as Drew if he’s sporting a fully developed bosom. I don’t know if that thought would bother him or not, at this point. Before that trip, I suspect he’d have been mortified by the prospect, but now? I don’t get that same sense anymore. Drew and Gaby were always separate entities, with some personality traits in common, but others that were unique to each. Now, the two are starting to join together, and so far Drew is coming out on the short end. Of course, other than when on a bike, Drew was always a bit shy and awkward. Compare that to Gaby’s vivaciousness and exuberance, and it’s easy to see which traits someone would prefer to have, isn’t it? It’s probably good that the two personalities are starting to join together, but will there be any Drew left over when all is said and done?

And what part is Jenny playing in all this? She’s always encouraged these Gaby-sodes, sometimes even setting up situations where there was no other choice for the child. I wonder why that is? I don’t understand it at all. She says she’s just allowing Drew to do what he wants, exploring his gender and sexuality, and so on, but Jen has taken far too active a role in all this for it to be nothing more than allowing her child to grow. I’m not trying to sound suspicious of Jen’s motives, but you do have to wonder about all of this, don’t you?

Okay, maybe I’m allowing my paranoia to run away with my brain. I just hate being stuck in this limbo where I can’t really do anything to help my child. And no matter how things eventually work out, I need to make sure there’s never any question concerning whether I’m here to help. If Drew is the one who needs my help, great, but if it’s Gaby? That’s great as well. Whatever makes my child happy. But how long is it going to take for him to figure out what does and does not make him happy?

Speaking of happy, or the lack thereof, I’m surprised Jules is still carrying her full load of vitriol over the impending move. I expected her to blow her top, then once the initial steam was gone, she’d start to see all the pluses for the family in this move, but she’s still not exactly open minded on that topic. And what on Earth possessed her to do that to her hair? Or apply all that makeup? It simply doesn’t look becoming at all, but at the moment, I don’t know that such comments would be accepted in the spirit in which they are intended. I’m sure she’ll resort to something like, “It’s all the rage” or something, but I have to say to me it looks like a bad imitation of the old punk look from when we were kids. I didn’t get it then, and I definitely don’t get it now, but I suppose we need to pick our fights with her, and that’s not one we need to get to deeply entrenched into, is it? No, best save it for the move to Germany. If she thinks she’s won the argument over the ‘Goth’ look, maybe she’ll be more amenable when the time comes to actually move. At least, that’s my theory. The more I think about things, the more I’m starting to believe we might have overreacted with Jules. She is just trying to find her style, after all. Can’t say that I like it, but then…

__________________

Eventually, Dave did manage to join his wife in the land of nod.

__________________

Dave was sitting in the front room in his favorite chair, when in burst Gaby through the front door, shouting, “No time! Have to hurry!” She ran up the stairs, followed by a cacophony, which could only be the sounds of a teenage girl changing clothes. A few minutes later, she reappeared in the front room in a wedding dress.

Dave nearly choked on his own tongue before he managed to ask, “Um, Gaby? Why are you wearing a wedding dress?”

Gaby giggled, and responded, “Well, Duh! Why does any girl wear a wedding dress? I’m getting married.”

“Aren’t you a bit young for that?”

“Daddy!” There was a honk outside. “When are you changing? You’re not giving me away in that, are you?”

__________________

Dave awoke from his dream, got up and went to the bathroom, where he stood looking at his reflection in the mirror while he tried to figure out what this latest dream was about.

__________________

All right, so why have I started having dreams about Gaby? I know I’ve been having strange dreams for some time now, but these are in a different class altogether. Gaby getting married? Wow, I’m not certain I’ll ever figure that one out.

I could stand here trying to make sense out of this, or I can go back to bed and try to get some sleep. I know what I ought to do…

__________________

Dave did in fact return to bed, and after a little tossing and turning, did manage to go back to sleep.

__________________

Dave found himself in a courtroom, and more specifically in the witness box. He looked around trying to figure out what was going on, when Jules approached the box.

“State your name for the record,” she said with an air of authority she had never possessed in real life.

After looking at her for a moment, Dave stammered, “D-David Bond.” He looked at her again, and it seemed she was enjoying his discomfort.

“Tell us, Mr. Bond, have you any children?”

“Yes, two. I would think you…”

She cut him off, “…There is no need to elaborate at this time. What are their names?”

“Juliette Bond, what are you playing at?” he managed to ask without completely blowing his top.

“Yes, I am one of your children. Who is the other?”

Dave stood silently for a minute before Jules spoke again.

“Is there a problem?”

Dave continued to look at Jules silently, unable to answer her question.

“Do you not know your own child’s name?”

He still could not answer.

“Do you know this child?”

“Yes, quite well.”

“And yet, you cannot tell the court the child’s name? How can this be?”

Dave continued to stare at her in uncomfortable silence.

“Is this child a boy or a girl?”

Again, Dave stands silent, unable to answer the question.

Finally, Jules addresses the court, “Your honor, I request that this witness be held over for contempt, for refusing to answer a question under direct examination!”

Dave shouts, “It’s not like that!”

There is the sound of a gavel, followed by the judge, who it just so happens is Jenny, saying, “Take this man into custody until such time as he is able to answer the questions.” She strikes the gavel once again as the court bailiff takes Dave by the arm and begins pulling him toward the door.

“No! Wait! This is all just a mistake!” he shouts as he is taken through the door.

__________________

Once again Dave found his sleep interrupted by strange dreams, but this time as he looked around the room and realized where they were, he also noticed the first signs of dawn peeking through the bedroom window. Once certain that his chances of returning to sleep were slim and none, he decided to get up and start the day, so he headed downstairs into the kitchen, where he found Josie up and starting water for tea. “You read my mind,” he said as he took a seat at the table and waited for the water to boil.

“S’not difficult,” she joked as she poured the now boiling water into cups and began the process of mashing the tea.

“Yes, I know, it’s a very short book,” Dave replied, then once his tea was ready he took his first sip. After a moment or two, during which they both took several sips of their tea, Dave asked, “Mum, do you have any ideas how we can get Jules to not fight us so much on this move?”

“Dave, I think the first thing you need to do is sit down with her and have a good long chat about things. I know she frequently feels a bit left out, what with Drew needing so much time and attention that ultimately takes time with you or her mum away from her. In short, she’s jealous of Drew and all the time he gets to spend with you. I don’t think she’ll be willing to admit that openly without administering a truth serum, but it’s the truth nonetheless.”

“Yes, as usual you’re probably right. Every time we try to talk to her about things, she blows up, and at that point it’s not the simplest thing in the world to carry on a serious discussion with her.”

“I hear what you’re saying son, but you need to try, hard, and the sooner the better.”

“Yes, mum,” Dave said, then took a sip of his tea. Just then, Jenny wandered into the kitchen.

“Beautiful day, isn’t it?” she said to her husband and mum.

“That it is,” replied her mum.

Jenny went to the cupboard, removed a teacup, and started preparing her morning tea. Once sat at the table with her cup, she said, “I was thinking Drew and I could go for a little ride this morning. Maybe I could show him some of my old training routes from when I was young.”

Josie spoke first, “That sounds like a grand idea.” She then looked pointedly at Dave as if to say ‘here’s your chance to talk with your daughter’. Dave was not oblivious to the nonverbal communication being directed toward him, but didn’t say anything. Instead, he just took another sip of tea.

Soon thereafter, the kids made their appearances in the kitchen, and as everyone settled in with their tea and toast, Jen decided to be the first to break the morning silence. “So Drew, fancy a training ride this morning?”

“Absolutely.”

“Good. Soon as you finish up here, run up and get ready. Then we can get underway.” Following this statement, Jenny left the kitchen to get ready for the ride herself, followed quickly by Drew.

Josie then said, “You know, I’ve just remembered something I need to tend to,” then exited the kitchen leaving Dave and Jules alone.

As Jules began to rise from the table, Dave said, “Wait a moment. We need to have a chat.”

She returned to her seat, folded her arms across her chest, and scowled at her father before finally saying, “What about?”

“Well, Germany for one thing. I understand why you don’t want to move, I really do.”

“Then why are you making me?”

“Well, the main reason for doing this is so we can all be together instead of being strewn across Europe like we were last year.”

“But why couldn’t I stay in Warsop and finish school?” she asked in an almost whining voice.

“You mean by yourself?” Dave said in a rather surprised tone. “I’m not trying to upset you, but you’ve not really demonstrated that you’re responsible enough to do something like that, even if you were old enough.”

“Gee thanks, Dad,” Miss Sarcasm had indeed made an appearance this morning.

“I wasn’t trying to hurt your feelings, but you must admit your track record in the past year or so doesn’t really inspire much confidence in your ability to take care of yourself.”

“But…” Jules started, raising her voice.

“Please,” Dave interjected. “Let’s not have this break down quite so quickly. As I said, we’re trying to keep us all together, so we don’t have to live apart like last year. You can’t tell me you didn’t miss your mother at all.”

Indignant that she was being forced to make such an admission, Jules said, “No, I can’t tell you that, all right? Of course I missed her.”

“Well then, wouldn’t it be better if we were all living together so we don’t have to miss her so?” Dave asked, pausing momentarily before adding, “Even if we do have to do so in Germany?”

Jules sat silent for a moment, trying to think of a response that wouldn’t be a complete admission that her father was indeed correct before saying, “But what about all my friends? What about school?”

Aware that her resolve was wavering, but not wanting to add fuel to her fire so she would have reason to continue this argument, Dave quietly responded, “We’ll all be leaving friends behind we’re going to miss, but that’s a part of life.” He then continued in what he hopes would seem a calm voice, “The sooner you learn how to deal with things like this, the better off in life you’ll be.” Then after a short pause, he continued, “I truly am sorry if that sounds cold, but it is true.”

“So now you’re going to try to tell me that dragging me off to live in Germany is going to be good for me?” Jules retorted, thinking she had found a hole in Dave’s thinking.

Sensing where he felt his daughter was trying to go with this line, Dave responded, “I suppose if you want to put things like that, then maybe the answer is yes, but we haven’t thought in those terms. The important thing is that the family will be together. There will be new challenges in schooling and life in general.” Forging ahead toward the chink in Jules argument, he added, “It’ll be a bit like getting to start life over again, with a clean slate. Whether or not you choose to believe this, we’re not doing this to be mean or hurt you in any way.”

“I find that difficult to believe.”

“Unfortunate, but I suppose I could say I understand that. But think about this a moment, will you?” Hoping this would be the way to bring an end to the subject, he continued, “Last year, how many times were you sad, or angry, or hurt by the fact your mum wasn’t at home with us? Wouldn’t it be better for us all to be together all the time?”

Not quite willing to concede defeat, Jules countered, “But why does she have to go back to racing? Why couldn’t she just stay home like she used to?”

Pausing to at least make it seem he was thinking of his response, Dave responded, “So, you would ask your mother to give up her greatest pleasure in life just so you don’t have to make new friends?”

Sounding exasperated, Jules replied, “It’s not like that.”

Trying not to sound condescending, Dave said, “It sounds like that.”

“Well, it’s not. But how am I supposed to go to school in Germany?” Thinking she had finally grasped an unbeatable argument, she continued, “I’m working on my GCSE’s this year. What am I supposed to do about that?”

Aware that she was running out of steam, and hoping not to add fuel to her fire, Dave said, “I think we may have mentioned to you about the school in Bonn for British and American diplomat’s kids and such. The layout is slightly different, but you would at least be able to finish school in an English speaking environment.” Then after a brief pause, he continued, “From what I understand, your brother thought it would be fun to go to the German school with Kat Pinger. He seems rather in favor of the whole arrangement.”

Sounding somewhat defeated, she said, “So, I’m supposed to just roll over and do what you all want me to do, even though I don’t want to do it at all, because all of you want me to? How is that fair to me?”

“I am sorry if it doesn’t seem fair. It seems that life often isn’t what you’d call fair. At least we’d all still be together.”

“Why do you want to do this so much?”

“Well, for one thing, we don’t have to be apart from your mum. I don’t’ know whether you noticed or not, but I for one was rather miserable the entire time she was away, and since she came home I’ve actually had moments where I have been happy, for the first time in a long time.” After pausing for a moment to take a sip of his long cold tea, he made a disgusted face and continued, “For another, this job I’m taking is a new challenge, with more responsibility, more interesting tasks, and more money. Need I continue further?”

“I still don’t like it, and I still don’t want to move.”

“And we appreciate the fact that you are opposed to the move. We would also appreciate it if you’d start reacting to it in a more adult manner,” Dave said, sensing that he had gone too far as the words came out of his mouth.

Jules, indignation rising once again, said, “So what are you saying? I have no right to be upset about being forced to move to another country against my will?”

In as placating a tone as possible, Dave replied, “No, that’s not what I’m saying at all. Being upset is a perfectly reasonable reaction to what’s been thrust upon you. How you express yourself concerning all of this is what I’m talking about.”

“So, I should just be quiet and do what I’m told?” Jules said, her intensity rising with each word.

Sounding defensive, Dave replied, “No, that’s not it either.”

Her anger once again in evidence, Jules said, “Then what is it you expect me to do?”

Dave thought about this for a moment before replying, “If you feel we aren’t aware of how you feel about something, tell us, but do so calmly and maturely. And since in spite of your position, I’m afraid the move is going to happen regardless, and I am going to expect you to be an adult and just make the best of the situation that’s being placed before you. Who knows, if you go into this thinking that it will be a positive experience, then just maybe, it will be.”

Muttering to herself, but loud enough for Dave to hear, Jules said, “On top of everything else, I’m going to have to let Anna and Charlie down, and we had worked so hard trying to put that band together. Just as we had got back together after the Virginia trip.”

Trying to restore some calm to the proceedings, Dave said, “I realize your life is being turned upside down. Let’s just try to get by as best we can, shall we?”

Tentatively, Jules replied, “I don’t know.”

Taking a moment, then realizing something Jules had said a moment before, Dave asked, “Now, what’s this about a band?”

“We decided to start last Autumn. We’re called ‘The Liquorice Toffees, and I’m the singer.”

“Who else is in it?”

“Like I said, there’s Anna and Charlie. We’re still trying to settle on the rest of the lineup. I guess that won’t matter now, will it?”

Sounding genuinely interested, Dave asked, “So, does this band have anything to do with the recent alterations in your appearance?”

Realizing that the argument portion of this conversation had been brought to a close, Jules smiled and said, “I suppose you could say they’re related, but it’s not like I dyed my hair because of the band.”

“Fair enough. So, do you really like it like that?” he asked, not sure he wanted to know the answer.

“Yeah, I think it looks really cool.”

“I’m sure if you want to, you’ll be able to find some people to start a band with in Germany. They do, after all, have musical instruments there as well,” Dave said in an attempt to inject some humor into the morning.

“It wouldn’t be the same. These are my best friends!” as she said it, she nearly started crying.

Trying to calm her, Dave softly said, “You really will make new friends. And there’s no reason you can’t continue to be friends with Charlie and Anna.” When she looked up as if to say ‘How?’ he continued, “There is this invention I think you’re familiar with, called a telephone, something I seem remember hearing about called letters, and what was that other thing? Oh yes, email.” Smiling in an attempt to bring her back from her depths of despair, Dave looked into her eyes and reached over to place his hand on his daughter’s.

“You know, it’s really not fair that I can’t ever win an argument,” she said, nearly breaking out with a smile as the words came out. “Don’t think for a moment this means I’ve changed my position. And you can bet I’ll continue to express my displeasure with the whole situation, because the truth is, I don’t want to move.”

Thinking that the argument was indeed over for the moment, Dave decided to breach another subject he’d wanted to discuss with his daughter. “There are some things I wanted to ask you concerning your trip.”

Understanding that they had now moved on from the confrontation, Jules said, “Would you like some fresh tea?” then got up, taking both cups with her. As she began making both their drinks, she said, “What were you wondering about?”

Unsure how to proceed, Dave finally said, “Well, this is partly about you, but also about Gaby.”

Jules returned with the tea, and sat back down in her chair to continue the conversation, “What were you wanting to know?”

Dave took a sip, savoring the fresh hot beverage, then said, “I know you two shared sleeping quarters on the trip, and while I know this wasn’t the first time, I was wondering how the two of you got on in such close proximity for such an extended period?”

Setting her cup back down on the table, she looked at her father and replied, “Well, frankly from my perspective, Drew was only really there for about a day. Once we got there, Deb and Brit informed us that their ‘rents were under the impression that Drew was a girl, and they told the olds her nickname was Gaby. I guess most of the pictures the girls brought back from their trip here showed Drew in skirts, so they assumed…”

“Yes, that part I had gathered. What I was wondering about was how the two of you got on, and how Drew seemed to be?”

“I don’t think we’ve ever got along better in our lives, I’m afraid to say. The girls took Gaby shopping, donating their rather substantial clothing allowance by the way, so Drew had enough girls’ clothes to get by for the duration of the trip. Not surprising, really, considering the fact that he had only packed enough clothes for about three days, not counting Gaby stuff, which apparently Maddy had slipped into his case when he wasn’t looking.”

“I did notice that a lot more girls’ clothes came back from America than left England. I suppose that explains why. You say the two of you got on better than usual. In what way?”

Jules drained the last remnants of tea from her cup, setting it down before looking at her father and saying, “Drew was nowhere to be seen for the whole six weeks. It was Gaby 24/7, and it was actually kind of cool having a sister to share stuff with. Although, it was kind of annoying when I’d think about the fact that my little brother was the hottest girl on the trip.” Jules actually giggled after saying this last bit.

Dave couldn’t help himself, and began to chuckle also. Once he had himself back under control somewhat, he asked, “Were there ever any times you felt uncomfortable about the situation?”

“Only the time I had to borrow a bra because all mine were in the wash, and once I had it on I noticed that Gaby has nicer lingerie than I do.”

“I suppose I can understand how that would be a bit disconcerting. Anything else?”

“Oddly enough, not really. There was that moment just before the Valentine’s dance when I saw Gab getting ready and couldn’t help but notice how much of a total vixen she had become over the course of the trip. It’s no wonder every boy in Virginia was drooling over her, really. It was kind of sickening if I let myself think about it too much.”

Dave took a moment to let his saucer shaped eyes return to something more closely resembling normal, then decided to ask the question that’s really been itching at the back of his head, “This may sound a bit odd, but do you think Drew’s back?”

“What do you mean? I haven’t really been paying much attention to the squirt the last few days. I’ve been a bit preoccupied you might say.”

“I noticed some of what you were saying when we saw Gaby in Atlanta, and it seems to me that while the name being responded to most of the time is Drew, the person wandering around the house is definitely more Gaby. I was just wondering if you had seen anything similar?”

“Honestly, I haven’t been paying that much attention. I figured he was getting plenty of that from you and mum.”

“I’m sorry if you’ve been feeling left out a bit.”

“A bit?”

“Sorry about that. I’ll try not to let myself get quite so preoccupied from now on.”

Jules looked at her father and said, “I appreciate that. But I still don’t want to move.”

“We really ought to start getting around. Your mum and brother should be back from their ride soon, and I’d like to get started as soon as they’re ready.” Deciding he had tempted fate enough for one day, Dave got up to leave the room, then turned and said, “I’d like to continue the discussion about our move another time, but not right now.”

“All right,” Jules replied. “Listen, thanks.”

“For?”

“For talking with me about this stuff like an adult. I still don’t like the idea at all, but I can at least understand why. Just don’t expect me to be happy about it.”

“Fair enough.” Dave then left the kitchen, leaving Juliette alone in the kitchen. He headed upstairs to get ready for the upcoming family excursion, and as he climbed into the shower, he began going back over the just completed discussion with his daughter.

__________________

Well, that was enlightening, at least. I was afraid Jules had been feeling left out, but hadn’t considered that it was that bad. Maybe our conversation this morning will help smooth things over some for the changes coming up. I get the distinct impression that Juliette prefers having a little sister to a brother. I wonder if she’s going to get her way?

‘The Liquorice Toffees’ eh? Well, I had hoped she’d eventually find something that really interested her, the way Drew is with bikes. Is music going to be her ‘obsession’ of choice? I wonder if she’d be willing to let me hear them? I might have to look into that, it could be fun. I used to really enjoy going out and listening to bands now and again.

I hope the ground I picked up in the battle of wills doesn’t disappear as quickly as it was won. I’m afraid we’ve still got a huge battle ahead of us with that girl over this move to Germany. By the end of our chat, she was at least less hostile than before, but I’m guessing we’ll see that hostility back again full force before too long. I’d love it if I were proven wrong on that, but…

__________________

As Dave turned off the water and got out of the shower, he could just barely make out the sounds of his wife and son coming in the house following their ride. He wrapped a towel around his waist and was on his way back to the bedroom when he heard Jenny telling Drew, “Shower and change, Drew. Your Dad wants to get off sharpish.”

As he started digging his clothes out of his bag, Dave heard Drew reply to his mum, “Okay,” then the sounds of him climbing the stairs on his way to the shower. As he got dressed he could hear not only the sound of Drew taking his shower, but also of Jules making her final preparations for the day, and Jenny climbing the stairs on her way to take her turn getting ready.

She came into the bedroom to lay out her things for the day, and said to Dave, “Hello, luv. How was your morning?”

Dave looked up at her after he finished tying his shoes and said, “Jules and I had a long chat about things. We didn’t really get anything resolved, but if we’re lucky, maybe she’ll at least be a bit more civil in her protests for a bit.”

“Even that much would be a welcome improvement,” Jen said as she headed for the shower.

To himself, Dave said, “That it would, luv. That it would.”

Dave makes his first work trip to Germany for Apollinaris...

Lost in Thought, Part 14
By Jillian

As Dave made his way down the aisle to his seat, one of the flight attendants was making her way up the same aisle from the opposite direction. They just happened to meet as Dave found his seat and was opening the overhead compartment to stow his carry on.

“Excuse me?” came the voice.

Dave, once he had realized that he was being addressed, said, “Yes?”

The man held out his hand as if to shake with Dave and said, “I’m Robert Springston, and…”

“…Dave Bond,” he replied as he shook the man’s hand.

“Bond? That name sounds familiar…any relation to that racer, Jenny Bond?”

“That’s my wife. She races for Apollinaris.”

“So why isn’t she making the trip with you?”

“A couple of reasons. First, she’s been ill and is working on regaining her form, but also she’s staying with the kids.”

“Didn’t I hear something about one of your kids…Gaby was the name, wasn’t it? Was racing in America and…” There was a ding, and the ‘Fasten Seat Belts’ sign lit up.

At the sound, Dave looked up and realized that the plane that had been almost empty when he last noticed was now about half full, and moments away from takeoff. He reached down and fastened his restraint, then looked over at the gentleman he had been conversing with just as the man was fastening his own.

“…Oh yes, where was I? That’s right, Gaby I think was her name, wasn’t it?”

“Yes, she has a bit of a flair for the dramatic.”

“I’ll say, autograph hunting in the middle of a race? That took some guts.”

“Well, that’s not something she’s ever in short supply of.”

“Beautiful girl, from what I saw in the papers.”

“Yes she is. Very much the mirror image of her mother.”

As the plane taxied toward takeoff, both gentlemen diverted their attention from their conversation to listen to the pilot welcoming everyone on board over the public address system. Once he was done, and they had managed to become airborne, Dave and his new acquaintance seemed to have lost interest in their chat, and both chose instead to simply close their eyes and sleep, or at least think quietly.

_____________________

I suppose I’m actually doing this, huh? It should prove to be interesting, at least. Funny thing is, even though I’ve been talking with George quite a lot about things, and I have to admit that he’s not nearly as slimy as I had first thought, I’m still not certain about what my job is going to entail. I mean, I know the broad strokes answer, but so far haven’t really got a feel for the nuts and bolts of what I’m going to be doing. Well, I don’t suppose I’ll be in the dark much longer, eh?

So is everyone who flies for business as chatty as that fellow over there? I hope not. I was beginning to think he’d never shut up. Okay, I know that’s a bit of a rude thing to think, but seriously, he was quite the chatterbox. Seems to know quite a lot about my family, too.

I didn’t realize Gaby’s exploits had been so widely reported. This could actually be difficult for Drew, what with Gaby developing a bit of a following of her own. What happens if suddenly she disappears? I mean, if the latest from the doctor is any indication, there doesn’t seem to be a physical reason Gaby has to stay around, but that doesn’t really address the psychological reasons, does it? And as much as I think Drew would like to think otherwise, Gaby is a much more vibrant personality. Almost like when he’s trying to be Drew, there’s a large part of him that is hidden, and that makes him seem a bit reserved. Conversely, Gaby seems to enjoy things in a big way, all the time.

Strangely enough, I don’t know that Drew would be missed by the cycling world, were he to go away. He may be a national champion, but the truth is he isn’t nearly as well known as Gaby is, oddly enough. Somehow I’m afraid that if it turns out one of them has to disappear, he could be the one to go instead of Gaby, and those of us who would miss him are far fewer than for her. I’m afraid a choice is going to have to be made soon that could lead to one or the other of them going away. I just hope that no one allows the public persona to be an influencing factor. I can’t imagine how awful it would be if Gaby were the one chosen just because of the public factor. That’s a decision that’s going to have to be made solely on the basis of what my child wants and needs. No other factors should be allowed into the discussion.

Jules was less difficult this morning, at least. Maybe our chat did some good, eh? I realize this is all terribly difficult for her. I don’t mean to make light of that in the least. But we just couldn’t function as a family with her acting the way she had been, making everyone around her absolutely miserable. I hope we’ve seen the last of ‘Hurricane Juliette’, but will remain on alert for anything that might blow up.

_____________________

Dave’s mind continued to drift as his flight made it’s way toward Bonn, and what Jenny had described as ‘a fresh start’ for their family. At some point, he must have drifted off to sleep, because the next thing he knew, the passengers were being instructed to fasten their seatbelts in preparation for landing. Once he had complied with instructions, Dave looked toward the gentleman he had been chatting with when they first boarded and said, “Good luck.”

Robert looked back at him and smiled as he said, “You too. I hope you enjoy the new job.”

“Oh, I’m sure I will.” After a few minutes of more or less silence around them, the passengers felt the unmistakable bump of wheels touching runway, indicating that they were once again on terra firma. Inside the building, there was the thankfully brief and uneventful encounter with German customs, after which the smiling face of his new co-worker, Mike, greeted Dave.

“Welcome to Germany, Dave,” he said as he vigorously shook Dave’s hand.

“It’s good to be here. How have you been?” Dave asked as they began walking toward short term parking, where they would retrieve their transportation.

“Busy, but good,” Mike replied. “George wanted you to report to his office for a meeting straight away, so once you’re done with that, we can get you to work on some repairs this afternoon.”

“That sounds like a plan,” Dave said. “So, how have the girls been doing?”

“Oh, fine, fine. They’re looking forward to experiencing some of that ‘Dave Bond bike setup magic’, as they put it. They were very impressed with how you prepared the bikes in Atlanta, and I’m afraid they may never want me touching them again,” Mike said, chuckling as the last part was spoken.

“But I didn’t do anything special,” Dave started to protest.

“Don’t tell the girls that. They seem to think you have some sort of magic touch when it comes to bicycles.”

“Well, I don’t suppose I would want to dissuade them of such thoughts, would I?” Dave grinned.

When they arrived at the car park, Mike led them straight to the Mercedes that Jen had been issued last year. Upon seeing it, Dave said, “That looks familiar.”

“Yes, George was trying to be frugal, and figured since Jenny wouldn’t be returning to the team just yet, he could assign you her car and put off having to buy another company vehicle for the time being.”

Mike tossed the keys to Dave, and then they proceeded to get in the car, Dave behind the wheel. “Well, it will be difficult, but I suppose I’ll just have to make do with it then, won’t I?”

With Mike giving directions, as Dave wasn’t familiar enough with the area yet to know exactly where he was going, Dave drove them to Apollinaris HQ, where they arrived just as the team was coming in from a training ride. The first to notice the newest arrival was Tina, who shouted as soon as she saw them get out of the car, “Dave! Good to see you!”

Dave headed toward where the ladies were putting up their bikes and said, “You too. How do you ride in this weather? It’s too cold for me.”

Maria was the next to speak, “This is nothing compared to how cold it can be sometimes. Then we get to work on the track, but today it was nice enough for a ride outdoors. Would’ve been better if I weren’t having so much trouble with my shifters. Maybe you could take a look at them?” she said directly to Dave.

‘I guess what Mike said was right,’ Dave thought to himself. Then he spoke, “I’m sure we’ll be able to get it sorted,” and bent down to take a quick look at the bike. It only took a second to spot the problem. “Mike, take a look at this. Here’s the problem. These gear teeth are bent.”

Mike took a peek, then said to Maria, “I guess you found some black ice. How’s your side?”

She looked at him for a moment, then said, “A little sore. How did you know?”

“The only way you could have done that is if you dumped in the middle of the road and just happened to his a rock or something when you went down. See here where it bent the gear teeth?” His next statement was directed at Dave, “So, do you want to take care of this after you finish with George, or shall I?”

“Are you going to bend it back into place, or replace the gear?”

“Straightening the gear would be simpler, but the way she rides, it would never be the same. Probably replace.”

“Then I’d best leave it to you. I’d take hours getting that thing apart and reassembled, and I have no idea how long this meeting is going to take.”

“Fair enough. I suppose you should be heading that way then,” Mike said, then looking toward the offices, said, “There he is now. I’ll see you after,” and with that Mike returned his attention to Maria’s bicycle.

Dave waved goodbye to the team and went with George into his office. As they entered, George asked, “How was your flight?”

As they each took seats, Dave in the chair in front of the desk and George behind, Dave responded, “Oh, it was fine, thanks. Mike said I was going to be using Jen’s car until she is able to return?”

“Well, yes, since it was already here and she won’t be using it for a while yet, it seemed logical. I see you’ve already started working out there,” George joked.

“I didn’t do much. I was just the first to take a look at the problem.”

“You do know that one of the reasons we wanted you is because of your skill in bike setup?”

“I never thought I did anything special.”

“On the contrary, Jenny spent weeks trying to get Mike to duplicate your setup when she joined us last season. It wasn’t until he was able to take a look at her bike back home that he understood what she was wanting, and could duplicate it. He was most impressed, particularly with the results you got with the equipment on hand.”

“Well, thanks, but seriously, I just set it up the way she wanted it. The only thing that could be considered ‘special’ about it is that we took time discussing how things felt when she was riding, and made adjustments accordingly.”

“Be that as it may, the rest of the team is anxious for you to do the same with their bikes.”

“I’ll do what I can, but it takes time to get things settled. It’s a very hit and miss, organic procedure.”

“And that’s part of why you’re here. Now, as for the other part…”

“Yes, the development program? How is this going to work? Am I to scout new members, our will someone else be doing that? And what exactly is entailed in running the program?”

“We haven’t really got anything set in stone, as of yet. You may well be doing some scouting, when your duties with the team allow, but we’ll also have some others doing that as well. Basically, once we’ve identified a talent, it’ll be your job to get them signed up, make sure they have what they need to compete, and work with our training staff to set up programs for each individual rider. Then you’ll be checking back with each member periodically to assess their progress, and when necessary, recommend adjustments.”

“Sounds like a lot of work. How many members are we looking at?”

“At the moment, the only one signed is Gaby, of course, but the plan is to eventually have about a dozen riders you’ll be overseeing.”

“And I imagine when new members come in, they’ll come here for a few days where they’ll get a chance to work with the trainers, and Mike and I will do thorough setup and any necessary repairs to their bikes?”

“Correct. Now, I bet you’d like to get settled in at the apartment and such. We thought you’d be comfortable in Jen’s apartment for the time being.”

“Yes, I thought I’d check back in with Mike to see if he needs me, then go get unpacked. I want to start looking for a house as soon as I can though, so we can get the whole family moved.”

Getting up from behind his desk, George came around and offered Dave his hand as Dave also rose from his seat. “Welcome aboard,” he said, as he led him back to the garage, where Mike was finishing up replacing the bent gear on Maria’s bike. Most of the ladies were still there, having just finished getting cleaned up following their training ride, and they converged on their new mechanic.

“Ladies,” George spoke to draw their attention, “Mr. Bond will be working with each of you in turn dialing in your setups to make the bikes work better for you.” Turning to Dave, he then said, “I assume you would find it easier to do one at a time, rather than trying to change everyone’s setups at once?”

“That would probably be best, yes. Maria, since I know yours has been in pieces, what say we start with it tomorrow morning? I’ll need to talk with you about how you want things to work, then we’ll make some adjustments and talk again after training tomorrow, all right?”

“I’ll see you in the morning then,” Maria replied.

Dave turned to Mike and said, “Do you need me to do anything before I go get unpacked?”

“No, I think I have pretty much everything under control for now. What’s on your agenda this afternoon?”

“House hunting, I’m afraid.”

“Ew, have fun with that. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Dave turned away and walked toward the car, waved goodbye to everyone as he got in, and drove to the apartment building he would be calling home for the short term. He carried his bag to the apartment, went in and soon found himself dropping the bag on the floor, and himself on the sofa. Before he had a chance to think what he needed to do, he was nearly asleep.

So he rubbed his eyes, said, ”I have far too much to do to be falling asleep. Best get busy.” He got back up off the sofa, picked up his case, and took it to the bedroom where he emptied its contents into the drawers and closet.

Once all his clothes were put away, he headed out into town, where he hoped to find an estate agent who spoke English to help him in his search for the new family abode.

The first agent’s office he entered proved to be of assistance, as there were several people on staff who spoke English fluently enough to be of assistance.

After conferring with the receptionist, he waited a few moments and was greeted by a gentleman in a very nice suit. “Hello, my name is Wilhelm Jaeger. May I be of some assistance?”

Dave was impressed by the gentleman’s command of English, and also noted that for the first time he could remember, the first word that jumped into his head when dealing with an estate agent was not ‘slimy’.

He followed Mr. Jaeger to his office, and en route told him, “Well, I’ve just started a new job here, and my wife and children will be moving here as well, as soon as I can find a house for us.”

Taking their seats around the gentleman’s desk, he asked Dave, “Would you care for some coffee?”

“Yes, thank you.”

Wilhelm reached over to an intercom transceiver on his desk, keyed it, and said, “Could you please bring two coffees in?” Turning back to Dave, he said, “It should only be a moment. Now, how may I help you?”

“As I said, I’m looking for a house for my family, who will be moving here as soon as we can find something acceptable.”

Just then, the receptionist came into the office with two coffee mugs on a tray. “Sir, would you care for any milk or sugar?” she asked Dave as she set his mug in front of him.

“No thank you, I’ll take it black.” Dave then turned his attention back to Mr. Jaeger, “I’m frankly not familiar with the German house market, but I hope we’ll be able to locate something we can afford.”

“I’m sure there won’t be a problem in that regard. So tell me, what size property were you looking for?”

“Well, at least three bedrooms, multiple baths if possible, a small garden would be nice…and a garage is a necessity.”

“Why the garage? I mean, is there some reason other than wanting to protect your car, which by the way is very nice, if you don’t mind my saying so.”

“Oh, that? It’s a company car, actually. No, the garage is for use as a workshop and storage area for bicycles.”

“All right, I think that gives me a fair idea what kind of property we’re looking for. Let’s start with a search of our database, and see what we come up with, shall we?”

Dave took a sip of his coffee, and said, “Absolutely.”

Mr. Jaeger scrolled through screen after screen of listings, occasionally turning the monitor so Dave could see a particular listing. After about an hour of repeatedly doing this, they had assembled a list of properties to take a look at, once appointments could be set up to visit them.

“I have your contact information, so I’ll be in touch as soon as I can set up some viewings,” Wilhelm said as he offered his hand to Dave.

As Dave took his offered hand and shook it, he said, “That sound good. Hopefully, we’ll get lucky. I don’t look forward to being away from my family for long periods of time.”

Wilhelm escorted Dave out of the office and watched him go out the door. Dave climbed in the car and drove straight back to the apartment, thinking about some of the houses he had looked at pictures of this afternoon.

_____________________

I don’t know that any of those will wind up being the one, but at least we’ve made a start of the search. After last year, being apart like that, I won’t let us live separated like that again. We need to get everyone back together as soon as possible.

I must admit that I did like the look of a couple of those houses, and I’m anxious to get a peek at the real thing, but things may get complicated in that we’re used to a certain standard of housing, and I don’t know if we’re going to be able to afford the kind of place we’re used to.

We may wind up needing to sell the place in Warsop to recover the equity in order to afford a nice place in Germany, but I know that would make everyone sad, even me. I’ve got a lot of time and sweat tied up in that house, and I don’t really want to part with it. Ah, well, we’ll just have to see what I can come up with, won’t we?

I still haven’t figured out what exactly it is I’m supposed to be doing in setting up bikes that everyone seems to find so impressive. All I’ve ever done is try to get it as close to how the individual rider wants it as I can. It can take weeks to get things dialed in, but once you have a fair idea what they want, it’s easy to set up another one for them.

Do mechs usually not take the time to talk to the riders to find out how they ride, what kind of feel they want, that sort of thing? Maybe that’s it. Oh, well, we’ll start in on Maria’s bike tomorrow morning. I’d best get there early so I can get it up on the stand, then as soon as we have a chance to talk, I can start making adjustments.

_____________________

Dave pulled the Mercedes into the carport that was provided for tenants’ vehicles and went straight upstairs to the apartment, which he would be calling home until he finds the house for his family.

Once inside, he headed first to the kitchen, to see if he could find anything to eat. The search of the refrigerator yielded absolutely nothing, except a moldy old apple in the crisper drawer. And when the only thing he found in the cabinets were some granola bars and tea, he knew that tonight was not going to be a night for dining in. He remembered seeing an inn just down the block, and started walking in that direction in search of a meal, and a little relaxation.

After a heaping plate of sausages and hot German potato salad, not to mention a pint of beer, Dave returned to his rented abode and prepared for bed. He crawled under the covers, and dialed the telephone, calling home. As it rang, he turned out the light and sat there enveloped in a relaxing darkness as Jenny answered the phone, “Hello?”

“Hello, luv. How’re things at the old homestead?”

“Well stranger, about the same as they were when you left this morning,” she said playfully.

“You sound like you’re feeling all right.”

“Other than missing you? Yes, I’m fine.”

“It will only be for a few days, then I’ll get to come back home for a few.”

“I know, but now I think I’m starting to understand how you felt all last year. I’m sorry.”

“You, my dear, have nothing to apologize for. It’s just the requirements of the job.”

“Speaking of which, how’s it going?”

“Somehow, your teammates have got the impression that I’m some sort of magician when it comes to setting up race bikes. You wouldn’t happen to know where that idea came from, would you?”

“I’m sure I have no idea, kind sir.”

“Whatever. Listen, I went to see an estate agent this afternoon, and he’s supposed to be lining up appointments for me to look at some houses over the next few days, so I might have a better idea where we’re going to be living soon.”

“That sounds fantastic. I’d best get back to it here. I’m sure you’re absolutely exhausted after the trip, and everything else you’ve had going on today.”

“That I am. In fact, I’m already in bed, and the moment this conversation ends, I’m going to sleep.”

“Well, then I’ll not keep you any longer, luv. Good night, and I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Love you.”

“Love you too. G’night.” Dave disconnected the call, replacing the receiver in its cradle, then laid down and was quickly asleep.

The next few days flew by, as Dave found himself working on bikes all morning, then following a daily meeting with George, he would spend the afternoon with Wilhelm, looking at houses.

Unfortunately, while work was going well, the house hunt was not. He had toured more than ten houses over the next few days, and frankly none of them were right. They were all either too small, or not in very good condition. Each night, he would talk on the phone with Jenny, discussing the properties he had looked at, coming to the conclusion that they might not be able to move the family as quickly as they had initially planned.

It was then that they devised the idea of Jenny staying in Warsop with the kids through the end of the term while Dave continued to look at houses, with him returning home every ten days or so.

“Jen, how are you, luv?”

“Better, now that I hear your voice.”

“Same here, luv. How’s teaching going?”

“A bit strange, but good. I actually have Drew in one of my classes, and that is difficult, trying not to pay him any special attention or show any favoritism.”

“Understood, but you’ve taught Jules before, so at least it’s not completely uncharted territory.”

“That’s true. How are the girls doing?”

“Oh, fine. I almost feel like I’m stealing money, I’m doing so little.”

“I imagine that’s an exaggeration.”

“Maybe yes, maybe no. Of course, once the racing season kicks in, I’m sure I’ll be feeling a lot busier, particularly when I have to go scout kids for the development squad.”

“Oh, you’ll be busy, but I’m guessing you’ll enjoy every minute of it.”

“I hope you’re right. You haven’t said anything to the kids about the change of plans have you?”

“No, I was waiting for you to come home so we could tell them together. I daresay, it may make Jules’ week, if not her month.”

“How’s Drew doing? Any more problems that need to be addressed with Dr. Johnston?”

“Other than the fact that he still seems to have some swelling in his breast tissue, not that I know of. At least the sensitivity is better. I’m beginning to worry that the swelling might not go away.”

“Well, you can ask the doctor about that next visit. Surely this isn’t the first time something like this has happened.”

“No, she said it is rare, but not unique. I almost forgot to ask, how’re you holding up all alone there?”

“Well, I’d be lying if I said everything was fine. I miss all of you horribly. I think if I had my way, I’d never be away from any of you ever again, but that’s not likely to happen, is it?”

“No luv, you’re right about that. All we can do is get through this until we can be together again.”

“Thanks Jen. I’d love to sit here talking to you all night, but I have to get up early to start in on Tina’s setup, so I’d best get off now, so we both can get some rest. I love you.”

“Love you too. We’ll see you in a few days.”

“G’bye.”

“Bye, luv.”

Dave hung up the phone, and tried to go to sleep, as he had a busy day ahead of him. Of course, as is so often the case, the harder he tried going to sleep, the more his mind raced, keeping him awake.

_____________________

She’s right, of course. Just a few more days, then I get to go home for a few. I can hardly wait. I know I’m enjoying the work with the team, but I miss my family so much. Is this how Jen felt last year? I don’t know, but it’s certainly a miserable way to live. I know I’ve only been away a few days, but I have this horrible fear that they both will have grown six inches while I was gone.

Everyone with the team has been so good. The girls have all been great, practically begging me to ‘do my magic’ on their bikes. I’ve tried to tell them that there’s no magic involved, but…

Mike has been great to work with so far. He’s been curious as to just exactly what I was doing that made everyone rave about them so much afterward, but even after thinking it over, I still couldn’t tell you what it is I’m doing.

I mean, it’s just a twist here, a tweak there, and see how it feels. Once you’ve twisted and tweaked and screwed enough, you get everything just exactly the way you want it. That’s all there is to it. No magic formula. Pity there isn’t though…I might be able to pick up an extra euro or two selling it around the tour. Now, THAT’S funny!

It sounds like Jules has been a bit less difficult this week. She’s still doing her “punk princess” thing, or whatever the kids are calling it these days, but at least she hasn’t been blowing up regularly like when we first talked to them about the move. I imagine she’ll be thrilled to find out they get to stay in Warsop until the summer.

Of course, that means I’m stuck being away from them all…it’s like Jen and I switched places, and I can tell you I don’t like it. But, at least I get to go home every couple of weeks for a few days, which is better than the deal Jen was working under last year. We’ll make it, I know that much for certain.

So Drew’s swelling isn’t going away? I wonder if that’s significant? I mean, he’s a very healthy, trim boy, so having protrusions from his breast area no doubt adds to the overall impression that he’s a teen girl, what with the slender waist, wide hips, and powerful and what some no doubt would call shapely legs. When will they go away? Or will they at all? What happens if they continue growing? Does Drew have to start wearing a bra all the time?

Somehow I can’t imagine that doing anything other than making it easier for people to put together two and two and get that Gaby and Drew really are one in the same. I hope it doesn’t’ come to that point, because if people figure out that Gaby is an alternate identity for Drew, he’ll never be able to live it down. That would be disastrous for the boy. He’d never be able to live it down, I’m sure. It could even destroy his cycling career before it even gets going.

No, anything we can do to keep the two personas separate until Drew decides what’s what is what we have to do. I just hope and pray it doesn’t backfire on us. If I don’t make myself stop thinking about this, I won’t get any sleep at all tonight. There’s just what I need tomorrow. Just stop thinking. Relax, stop thinking so much…

_____________________

Once Dave finally managed to force his mind to stop racing all over the place, he was able to eventually fall asleep.

Dave and Jenny both find themselves "lost in thoughts" of Gaby and their roles in her being...

Lost in Thought, Part 15
By Jillian

“Dave, why don’t you take the support van today?” asked Mike as the team was preparing to head out on a long training ride.

Dave just nodded his assent and climbed in behind the wheel of the van as the girls started mounting their bikes. “I take it they know where they’re going?” he joked as he started the engine.

Mike and George waved as the team, followed by Dave bringing up the rear, headed out. It only too a few minutes for Dave’s mind to begin drifting…

_______________

Why is it I can’t convince George that Drew’s not a girl? It’s getting ridiculous, at this point. I mean, what are we going to do? George is expecting ‘Gaby’ to ride wearing the Apollinaris jersey, but then ‘Gaby’ doesn’t really exist, does she? What happens if Drew races wearing some other colors? Like the national development squad, or his champion’s jersey? Will that put ‘Gaby’ in breach of contract? This all would’ve been so much simpler had Gaby never existed.

I wonder, if it hadn’t been for that costumed ride Christmas before last, would Drew have ever found himself becoming Gaby? I don’t know, but there’s a part of me that thinks that triggered something for the child, like subconsciously he felt like he’d found something that had been missing.

Now, I don’t think he’s enjoyed dressing up…at least not before the trip to America at least…but there’s something about it that, even as far back as that first time, there was an unconscious change in the way he acted. As a boy, Drew has always been a bit shy and standoff-ish, but when dressed as Gaby, well, she’s much more outgoing.

Of course, we’ve worked that all out before, true? I don’t think I’d point this fact out, even today, but I can see it, and I suspect so can everyone else. Maybe that’s just my mind trying to justify the way things have worked out for him.

I don’t think he enjoyed dressing up in costume that first time per se, but I do think that once he got used to wearing it, and everything that it entailed, how he was dressed was of little or no importance to him, other than for the fact he was feeling cold. I know he was terribly embarrassed about the pictures, but sometimes I wonder if that had as much to do with his shyness as anything else. I don’t think Gaby had yet developed as a full-fledged persona at that point, but that definitely was the moment when she first came into existence.

At the time, I assumed that would be the first and last we ever saw of Gaby. Was I ever wrong about that!

_______________

Dave’s focus wasn’t exactly on the morning’s practice session. If it weren’t for the fact he was blindly following the ladies as they road around the German countryside, he may very well have got lost, as he had no clue where he was. However, he continued following, assuming at least one of them knew where they were heading, and despite his attempts to the contrary, found his mind once again wandering to a different time and place.

_______________

I don’t know which was more disturbing; the fact that Drew let himself be talked into dressing up for that Easter Disco, or that he tried so hard to hide the fact from his mum and I? I mean, in and of itself it would’ve been no big deal, really. But I don’t like the idea of he and his sister, not to mention Maddy and the others, going to so much effort to hide what they were doing.

From the pictures, I must admit that was probably the first time I noticed just how much Gaby looks like Jen. Oh, I know Jules does as well, but she has a touch of Bond in her. Gaby is pure Peters. It can get a bit uncanny, really, when you see Jenny and Carol with Maddy and Gaby.

By the time the whole modeling episode took place, I should have realized Gaby was here to stay, but I still didn’t. Maybe I was still a bit in denial. I don’t know…

_______________

At that moment, Maria’s rear tire went flat directly in front of Dave. She stopped, with him right behind her. Dave jumped out of the van and got her spare bike off the rack, sending her back on her way. He then stowed the wounded steed on the rack, climbed back in behind the wheel, and was once again under way. The whole incident took less than thirty seconds, and not a word was spoken. But it was enough to bring Dave back from his meanderings.

_______________

Back in Warsop, Jen found herself trailing after Drew as they attacked the next to last hill on their training ride. While she was doing better at keeping up with the wunderkind, she still wasn’t anywhere near 100%, and was falling behind as they neared the top of the hill. Even with one last burst, which used up all her energy reserves, she couldn’t quite catch him, so she decided to drop back and take it easy the rest of the way home. Drew hadn’t yet noticed that she was falling behind, and was still going full bore.

_______________

Am I ever going to be able to catch that child again? One thing, if chasing after Drew doesn’t get me back in shape for the tour, then nothing will.

It wasn’t that long ago our situations were reversed, of course. I remember that event we rode the tandem Christmas before last. He was working so hard; at times I was afraid he might pass out on me. Now look at us?

"Ok miss?" the starter asked.

Did he really say miss? You know, I don’t remember that registering before.

"Er, yes thanks," Gaby responded.

Drew replied a lot more naturally than I would have expected under the circumstances. Or am I just interjecting that through hindsight?

"Ready Gaby?"

"Yes mum."

Was that really Gaby’s first appearance? You know, it’s occurred to me that before the kids came back from America, I think I had probably spent more time with Gaby this past year than with Drew.

There was the race in Germany, the end of the Tour in Paris, the bike show…and even when he’s not trying to look like a girl, it seems like the whole world is conspiring against the child to get him in girl clothes. Even by choice sometimes, like with my old pant suit.

I suppose it’s really no wonder everyone thinks Drew is a girl we sometimes call Gaby. At this point, I don’t know that we’ll ever be able to convince everyone of the truth. Maybe once his puberty finally kicks in, like Dr. Johnston said.

_______________

As Jenny made her way toward home, she could see Drew stretching on the lawn already. As she pulled up into the drive, she shouted at him, “Just you wait until I get my strength back!”

“I know, mum.”

Jen dismounted and joined her son for a few post workout stretches, then they headed inside, each claiming a shower. By the time they were both scrubbed and dressed, Jules had begun preparations for dinner.

“Do you need a hand?” Jen asked of her elder child when she entered the kitchen.

Jules turned to face her mum and replied, “You could set the table, but I think everything else is sorted. It’s not up to Carol’s standards, but…”

“I’m sure it will be fine,” Jen offered. She got out the plates and silverware for the three of them, just as Drew returned from his own shower.

Jules carried in the meal, which was just a simple casserole, and set it on the table as everyone took their seats and tucked in. Once the meal was eaten, Jen told Drew, “Since your sister cooked, you can clean up.”

Drew whined, “But mum!!!”

“No buts. It’s only fair. Now get on with it, all right?”

Drew resignedly started gathering up the dirty dishes and used cutlery, and taking them in to the kitchen to wash up. Jen headed into the front room, and once seated on the sofa, almost immediately found herself drifting toward sleep.

_______________

Standing there in Mum’s front room, posing for a series of pictures, Drew and I in our Xena and Gaby costumes. With each photo it seemed everyone, with the possible exception of Drew, was having more fun. I was enjoying this possibly too much, as in a moment of conscience I was hit with pangs of guilt over what I had done to my son.

The guilt was quickly ignored as we grabbed coats and piled into the car for the trip to the presentation. I found myself looking at Gaby every once in a while, and each time I felt that same pang of guilt over what I was doing to my child. But, just as quickly as the feeling came upon me, it left and I was once again enjoying the attention that comes with celebrity.

The photo opportunity for the cheque presentation over, we made our way to the restaurant for a Christmas Eve dinner out. I had remembered to bring a change of clothes for myself, but somehow Drew seemed to have not thought of such a thing. So ‘Gaby’ joined us for dinner, and although each time I looked in her direction I had a momentary pang of guilt, it quickly passed and in fact grew weaker until by the end of the evening I didn’t even notice it anymore.

My memory fast-forwarded to the final stage of the Tour Feminin. As I rode the last few miles, I couldn’t help but think of Jules and Gaby. I tried to correct my thoughts to say Drew, but every time I did so, that same guilt came back. Not wanting to spoil this glorious moment, I stopped thinking of Drew and just thought of Gaby instead. That did the trick, as I was once again on top of the world…

_______________

Jenny’s eyes popped open as she heard the sounds of the kids cleaning up the kitchen. She shook her head as if trying to clear away cobwebs, and sat up. She returned to her musings, but this time in a more conscious form.

_______________

Is that really how I felt about things? Or was my mind just playing tricks on me? I can’t remember feeling guilty over “forcing” Drew to wear that Gaby costume, but maybe I should have? I don’t know. It’s not like I could have known what was going to happen after that event, could I?

It’s as if so much of what has gone on in the past year or so can trace its roots back to that tandem race, and the ‘Gaby’ costume. So, does that mean that Gaby is my fault?

_______________

Soon, the kids were joining their mum on the front room sofa as they settled in to watch a bit of telly. Jen kept glancing at Drew as he focused his full attention on the programme.

_______________

Maybe blame is the wrong word to describe it? I mean, look at the child. Has there ever been a more naturally feminine person on Earth? I’m sure a lot of it has to do with the fact he was so immersed in being Gaby while in America, and a lot of her mannerisms have just become second nature. But will that ever change? Or will there always be more Gaby than Drew?

_______________

Separated from his family back in England, Dave had just consumed a sandwich and bowl of canned soup for his dinner, and after putting the dishes in the washer, he took a seat on the sofa and reached for the television remote. It only took a minute to see that he was not going to find anything of much interest, as the only English speaking channels were barren of decent programming, and Dave’s German was still not up to the task of watching German TV.

Deciding that was not his best idea of the day, he turned it off and opted instead to listen to some music. He found a station that was playing jazz, as he was feeling the need for some relaxation this evening, and then lay down on the couch as he listened to the sounds of the Marsalis brothers waft through the air.

_______________

I’m still not sure why I’ve been obsessing about that first time Drew became Gaby. Maybe it has something to do with the idea that if it hadn’t been for that first time, there wouldn’t have been any others? I’m not sure I believe that anymore.

I feel like it’s my fault, like I’ve failed my son in some way. Maybe if we’d done more ‘manly man’ things together, Gaby would never have come into being. I mean, Jen’s obviously had a hand in things as well, but how many times because of an accident, or a forgotten change of clothes, or what have you has Gaby made an appearance? I’m hard pressed to think of events where she wasn’t involved, actually.

Have all those times when Drew forgot to pack a change of clothes, or grabbed the wrong things, or accidentally fell and got himself filthy, forcing a change into girls’ clothes just been subconscious decisions made by Gaby? There’s an interesting thought, eh?

_______________

Realizing how late it was becoming, Dave reached for the phone and called home. When Jen answered, he said, “Hello, luv. How was your day?”

“Oh, fine. School, training, the usual really. How was yours?”

“Not bad. I drove the support van during training for the first time this morning, then worked on Maria’s and Tina’s bikes for a while before heading to a meeting with the realtor to look at a couple of places. I was having trouble keeping my mind on task today for some reason.”

“I know what you mean. I was having similar difficulties all day. It could easily have been embarrassing, particularly during class this afternoon.”

“I can imagine. How are the kids doing?”

“I actually saw Jules smile yesterday, and she even prepared tea without putting up a fight, so that’s something.”

“I’ll say. I don’t suppose you know what you did to bring about the change? You know, so you can repeat it?”

Jen giggled and said, “If I did, I’d bottle it and make a fortune.”

“This is true. How’s Drew?”

“Rather distant, of late. I don’t know why exactly, but I get the sense he’s hiding something.”

“Hmm, everything all right with him at school?”

“Yes, his grades are as good as ever, and he’s staying out of trouble. I just can’t rid myself of the feeling there’s something he doesn’t want us to know.”

“Well, I’m sure he’ll tell us when he’s ready. Maybe next week when we’re on holiday, eh?”

“Yes, I’m looking forward to it.”

“So am I. Just imagine, a few days of just us. No jobs, no hassles of trying to find a new house, just relaxing and enjoying ourselves.”

“Can we go now?”

“If only…” There was a brief pause, then Dave continued, “Luv, I hate to do this, but I’m absolutely knackered. Maybe we’d best cut this short tonight? I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, I understand completely. I could use a good long natter about now myself.”

“Well, then what say we see what we can do about that then, eh?”

Jen yawned before she spoke, “Yes, let’s. Good night, luv.”

“G’night. Love you.”

As the phone went silent, Dave came to the conclusion that he wasn’t even going to bother going to bed, and just rolled over on the couch and drifted off to sleep.

In this, the final installment of our story, Dave and Jenny share their thoughts on the children as well as their relationship...

Lost in Thought, Part 16
By Jillian

As he stoked the fire in the hearth, Dave said, “It was a good day, all in all. I love Wales.”

“Yes, well…” Jen began to counter before being cut off by Dave.

“What say we have a few minutes of us time, eh?” As Dave said this, he picked up a bottle of wine, opening it, then pouring two glasses and carrying them to the sofa where he sat down beside Jen.

“I can see certain advantages to that idea,” Jen replied as she took one of the glasses from him. She took a sip, then found herself sat there staring into the glass for a few seconds.

“You seem to be getting stronger. Just a couple of weeks ago, you wouldn’t have been able to go on this morning’s training ride, let alone do the hike afterward.”

“I’m feeling much better, thanks. It’s going to take some doing to catch up with Drew I’m afraid, but that could prove to be a good thing in my training for a return to the tour.”

Dave took a sip from his glass, then said, “You know, I missed you terribly while I was away.”

“I know, luv. The whole reason for taking this job was so we wouldn’t be apart, and here we are still spending most of our time in different countries. The only good part is, we know it’s just temporary. By the end of term, I’m hoping to be ready to move and start training with the girls.”

“You mean, if I can ever find us a house?”

“Oh, I don’t think there’s a question of if, only when.”

“Then you’re far more optimistic on that front than I am.”

“You’ll see, the perfect place will fall right into our lap.”

“Why are you so sure of this?”

“Because the alternative is living apart, and I don’t like that.”

Dave took their glasses and set them on the coffee table, then turned back to face his wife, leaning close and kissing her. After a few minutes of kissing and cuddling, they broke and after a moment’s silence, Dave asked, “Now, what were you wanting to talk about?” He then picked the glasses back up and returned Jen’s to her as he sat back to begin the serious conversation.

Jen sat there, waiting for conscious thought to return, until finally she said, “What?”

“At least I know I haven’t lost it all yet,” he said with a touch of a chuckle in his voice. Returning to the more serious matters of the day, he said, “I believe we needed to talk about Drew and his, um, development.”

At last returning to reality, Jen said, “Ah, yes. That was it.”

“Let me see if I have the gist of things on the Drew front.”

“All right.”

“He’s wearing girls’ knickers? And says it’s because they’re more comfortable. They fit his bum better, is that right?”

“That is what he told me. Knowing what I do about how boys clothes fit over his hips compared to the girl’s, I’m not entirely surprised by that revelation, though I must admit to finding the idea that he’s aware of that fact just a touch surprising. But then, when I saw the bra…”

“Yes, I know what you mean there. So, does he really have, um…”?

“Breasts? I’m afraid so. Small to be sure, but still obviously there. And with his hips and bum, is it any wonder the poor child has so little trouble appearing feminine?”

“So, what’s the next step?”

“I suppose we return to Dr. Johnston and let her know the truth about what’s going on.”

“But, hasn’t she been examining him all along?”

“It seems that the last several visits amounted to taking blood for tests and nothing else.”

“And since Drew has been making such an effort to hide the truth about his condition…”

“This could come as a bit of a surprise for the doctor as well.”

After both Dave and Jen took a moment for silent reflection, Dave finally couldn’t keep from asking, “So, he has real breasts? I know we’ve already covered that material, but it is still a bit difficult to process.”

“Believe me, I know exactly what you mean. However, that doesn’t change the fact that we’re talking about my baby, our child. And whatever happens, we have to make sure Drew knows that doesn’t change.”

“Of course. There’s no question on that point. So how exactly has he been hiding this from everyone?”

“Mostly a tight sports bra, and baggy jumpers it seems. I’m afraid it hasn’t been all that difficult lately. We’ve been so busy, what with me working at the school and training, and you traveling so much with work. The kids have more or less taken over day-to-day operations around the house. Apparently Jules has been helping him some by acquiring bras and such. Not that Drew would have had trouble doing that himself, but I suspect he felt very self conscious about it.”

Dave commented, “I can see how that could be. Even though it wouldn’t have been the first time, this would be different. He’d shopped for things for ‘Gaby’, not for Drew.”

“That was my take on it as well. Unfortunately, if things keep going in the direction he appears headed, he may have to get over that embarrassment, buck up, and suffer through picking his own. Dear God that sounds strange, talking about my son buying his own bras.”

As this line of conversation died down, a comfortable silence overtook them as they sat there sipping wine and listening to the crackling of the fire.

_________________

There have been times when I thought maybe Jen was encouraging Drew’s transformations. Do I dare give voice to those thoughts? I mean, obviously there was that day the journalist came by the house to do that piece on her for the Comic. I still can’t believe she actually asked Drew to dress up as Gaby. I realize she said it was just a joke she wanted to play on the reporter, but seriously? Of course, it didn’t take much persuading, did it?

What about the bike show, when the airline lost his case? Would it have been that big of a deal to buy the poor lad a pair of pants? Instead, he spends the entire weekend in skirts. All right, Brittany had a hand in that I suppose, what with having snuck ‘Gaby supplies’ into her bag for the trip, but that didn’t mean Jen had to go along, did it?

_________________

Dave was the first to break that silence, “Jen?”

“Yes luv?”

“This isn’t because of something we’ve done, or not done, is it?”

“Surely not. These things just happen, that’s all.”

_________________

Is that how I really feel about all of this? I sometimes worry Dave thinks this is all my fault, as if I’ve done something to make all of it happen. Well, if I have, it hasn’t been intentional I know that for certain.

Maybe I have been guilty of encouraging some of Gaby’s appearances. In hindsight, Jules could have worn the Gaby costume for the presentation ceremony, and I certainly didn’t need to play my little joke on the Comic. And I suppose I could have told Brittany no when Drew’s luggage was lost. I could just as easily have taken the child out and bought him a pair of boy’s pants, instead of taking the easier route and having him wear skirts to the bike show.

Added up like that, it almost seems like something that’s been done on purpose. I swear, that’s not the case. The truth is, I never gave it any thought before now. I suppose if I had, I would have felt guilty. I know I do now.

_________________

Dave knew that where he was heading with the line of reasoning he was currently pursuing made little sense, but he couldn’t stop himself anyway. “I don’t suppose there could be some subconscious connection between his constant ‘forced’ cross-dressing and his hormonal issues? No, that makes no sense, even to me. Never mind.”

“I don’t know, but I wouldn’t discount the idea that there is a strong feminine part of the child that may sometimes influence his decisions in ways none of us understand. And you thought your idea sounded silly.”

“No, I think you might be onto something there. I’m no expert, obviously, but it would seem to me that if a male child is growing female breasts, then there is some sort of hormonal problem. Those same hormones do act upon a person’s brain, true?”

“That’s what they taught us in university, at least.”

“So maybe there really is some feminine aspect of Drew that is influencing him from time to time? Of course, if that were the case, I doubt it would manifest in him forgetting to bring along a change of clothing,” as he said this, Dave began to chuckle.

In a mock upset voice, Jenny said, “Dave Bond! How could you?” and unable to contain her mirth any longer, she began to laugh along with him.

Once he had his hysterics back under control, Dave said, “I don’t know where that came from. It just popped out of my mouth before I knew what I was saying.”

“Yes, well you’d best hope I don’t tell your daughter you said that.”

“True. I can just imagine living with Juliette in a bad mood,” he said sarcastically. Both of them once again suffered from a bout of chuckles, which required another momentary halt in the conversation.

Once they both had calmed down a bit, Dave asked, “I’ve been meaning to ask you for the longest time, but what with everything that’s been going on…”

“What’s that, luv?”

“Well, I had always thought of Gaby as essentially being a separate person from Drew, because in so many ways, they act differently. But since the kids came back from Virginia, I’m not seeing that separation anymore. And more than that, what I’m seeing most of the time are traits I had always associated with Gaby. Is that just my imagination hard at work, or have you noticed anything similar?”

“For me it’s a little more difficult, because for months there I only saw the kids a few times, and when I did, I was seeing Gaby and not Drew. Like when all of you came to Germany.”

“Ah, yes. It certainly seemed like there was some sort of conspiracy afoot, didn’t there?”

“That’s how I saw it, at least. I know that Drew felt like I was letting him down just telling him to be Gaby for the visit instead of trying to dissuade the hotel manager of his belief that our youngest is a girl. There were so many factors involved though, that I really didn’t want to get into at the time, like the fact that my German was still a bit weak, and I wasn’t really capable of being terribly persuasive.”

“And if we’re being honest, it’s easy to understand the mistake. When you see our Drew, it’s not difficult to think you’re seeing a girl. Not just the body shape, but so much of his body language, his gestures…I’ve always been afraid I’d hurt his feelings if I pointed these things out to him, so I’ve kept mum, but…”

“I know what you mean, luv. It’s not that the child is weak, or fragile. Actually, one of the girls said it best in Atlanta. She described Gaby as having ‘the heart of a lioness’. I think that accurate, even when talking about Drew instead of Gaby. He may be a boy, but he has the heart of a lioness.”

“If you ever relay the quote to him, you might want to change that to lion,” Dave suggested.

“I know what you mean, but I think it loses something that way. The lioness is a powerful hunter and protector, where the male lion is more of an opportunistic scavenger. That’s not Drew.”

Dave mildly redirected the discussion, “In all those times you were expecting Drew and found Gaby there instead, did you ever wonder…”

“…If someone was trying to tell me something? Definitely, I entertained the thought.”

“Or if something inside of Drew was trying to tell him something. Each separate incident can be explained away with ‘my luggage was lost’ or ‘the adhesive remover bottle broke’, but in the end you still have to wonder if that’s the only reason? Put them all together, and what do you have?”

“A disturbing pattern of behavior is one way of putting it.”

“True. A little harsh, but true.”

“What exactly are you thinking?”

“I wish I knew,” Dave replied. “For the longest time, I’ve been bouncing these ideas round my mind, trying to make sense of them. Unfortunately, all I’ve got out of it thus far is a massive headache, and more questions than answers.”

As silence once again settled over the elder Bonds, thoughts began to drift anew…

_________________

Am I reading too much into things? At face value, I’d be inclined to accept what Drew says; that all of these ‘Gaby-sodes’ are pure coincidence. But the moment I let my mind start to ruminate over the facts, I can’t shake the idea that there’s more to it. Maybe Jenny is right. Maybe I should just take things as they come. The problem is, I’ve never been very good at that.

I suppose, if I could think about all of this objectively, I might be inclined to see things differently. Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be an option. You’d think that what with all my studies in archaeology and history, I’d be able to do just that, but it doesn’t work with my family. I’ve tried but objective is not an option…

_________________

Dave and Jenny sat quietly lost in their own thoughts, the fading hearth fire providing the only light or sound. Eventually, Jenny emerged from her own sea of troubles and, looking deeply at the visage of her dear husband, reached out and took his hand.

“Luv, come with me,” she said breaking the silence as she stood up, pulling him along with her. She led him to Drew’s bedroom door, where she quietly opened it, staring into the room at the sleeping form of her lovely young son. The two of them stood there watching the child sleep for an eternity before eventually closing the door, then repeating the same actions with Juliette.

When at last they closed Jules’ bedroom door, they made their way to the master bedroom, quickly prepared for a nights slumber, and crawled into bed. It wasn’t until they were settled in that Jen broke the silence that had enveloped them.

“It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter whether Drew looks like a boy or a girl, or how he chooses to dress. The only thing that matters is that he is a decent honest person, who respects others, and is comfortable with who he is.

“We’ve been wasting so much time and energy worrying about the details that we’ve lost sight of those things that are really important. We need to remember all of those marvelous qualities Drew possesses, and just let the child be who he or she will become.

“I think we need to focus our energy on trying to make sure Drew never loses sight of those qualities that make him such a wonderful person. Everything else is just details.”

Dave held Jenny close and gently kissed her, by way of a response. As they drifted off to sleep snuggled close, they found themselves lost in thought once more, not in worry, but rather in remembrance of the love, decency, and respect their beautiful child offers to the world every day.

Just as sleep overtook them, they decided this was the best way possible to be lost in thought.

The End