The girls were chasing me and I knew why. So I shouted at them, told them that they were creepy and should get real.

Not everyone wants to look like a Barbie doll...

by

Susan Brown

The girls were chasing me and I knew why. So I shouted at them, told them that they were creepy and should get real.

Not everyone wants to look like a Barbie doll.

Not everyone wants to go all gooey over a senseless top, skirt or dress.

Shoes are for putting on your feet, be comfortable and functional, not as some sort of sick fashion statement.

Not everyone wants to play netball and wear ridiculously brief skirts.

Some people like football and cricket.

Some of us don’t mind a bit of mud, rough and tumble.

It was obvious to me that God had made a boo-boo. I was a boy trapped in a girl’s body. Weird I know, but who said I should be normal. I hated the clothes that I was forced to wear at school. Why couldn’t I wear trousers liker the other boys?

Looking back I could see that they were gaining on me. I absolutely hated the fact that my regulation school skirt was billowing out, showing the native wildlife the colour of my panties (blue, if you are sicko enough to want to know). I hated my long hair that my Mum and Nan insisted that I should have.

‘Girls should look like girls. Tomboys look silly.’

That was the mantra that my Mum and Nan were always banging on about.

It was a good job that it was a nice day. I would have hated to be out here on the common in nasty weather.

Luckily, I was a good runner and able to keep well ahead of the hyenas. That was one of the reasons why they wanted me to play in the netball team; I was quick, agile and could turn on a sixpence.

Why had it come to this?

As I weaved between bushes, trying to evade The Evil Ones, I fleetingly looked back over the eleven years that constituted my life. For those who are bored with flashbacks, tough, it’s my story, so there!

Ever since I started to notice the differences between boys and girls, I thought, naturally, that I was a boy.

My Mum and Dad, aided and abetted by my Nan, continually told me that I was, in fact, a girl. They dressed me up from an early age as some sort of frilly, feminine Cindy or Barbie type. My hair was encouraged to grow and at one stage, I actually had ringlets (shudder).

I won’t mention anything about ribbons.

Of course, I rebelled against this senseless femininity and made sure that as soon as I was forced, kicking and screaming into a dress, I promptly got it dirty.

They never, ever got the message. I hated girls’ clothes and wanted to be treated as a boy.

When I went to play school, I was drummed out as I only wanted to do boyish things and that meant playing with boys and doing all sorts of things that boys do, up to and including the messy, dirty bits

I saw absolutely nothing wrong with my not wanting to wash or brush my teeth other than when I really had to; or being able wear clothes that were used and maybe slightly grubby for more than two days. After my expulsion from playschool over an incident involving custard over the head of one of the warders, and a teensie, weensie bit of scratching punching and biting, I found myself in the nursery, where they were made of sterner stuff.

But this boy was not for turning and they bit off more than they could chew with me.

I was classed as a troublemaker and pretty well ignored by the girls, which suited me down to the ground. The boys were made of sterner stuff and I soon found myself as one of the gang. The teachers soon realised that they were going to get nowhere with me in the brainwashing department, so in the end they let me stay with the boys and enter into activities that boys liked.

Of course my parents weren’t happy with that and made sure that I always arrived at nursery in some God Awful dress, skirt, top or whatever. As soon as I waved them goodbye with a sweet smile, I was over to the dress up box to change into a cowboy, Indian, or whatever manly clothes I could find.

I think in the end they gave up trying to feminise me too much and accepted that I wasn’t quite the sweet little girl that they thought and hoped I should be.

Things went on the same way even into infants and junior school with me fighting being seen as a girl and not the boy I really was and alienating just about everyone except my parents and Nan. The girls shunned me because I didn’t act like one of them and the boys did too by then, as they couldn’t get over the fact that I was a girl who behaved like a boy.

I do remember vividly one conversation that Mum and Dad had with me when I had just gone up to junior school and at the height of my rebel type behaviour.

They sat me down in the living room and then tried to tell me where I was going wrong.

‘It’s like this Tanya. You are a girl and girls just don’t behave like you do.’

‘That makes me a boy then.’ I said brightly.

‘No it doesn’t. Look, just because you like erm, Mars Bars, does that make you want to be one?’

‘I don’t want to be a Mars Bar. Mind you they are my fav sweet.’

‘I mean…’

‘Let me try Donald,’ said Mum with a sigh, ‘Look Tannie.’

‘Don’t call me Tannie, Mum, you know I hate that.’

‘Sorry dear.’

‘I’m not a dear either, that's an animal, I am a boy having to pretend to be a yuckie girl. Soon you’ll ask me to call you Mummy and Daddy, yuck.’

‘I said dear not deer.’

‘Pardon?’

“Never mind Tanya,’ said Mum, sighing for some reason, ‘we are trying to understand you. Look you are very pretty…’

‘No I’m not and even if I was, I don’t want to be. I want to be a boy and grow big and strong like Dad, have lots of hair everywhere — not in my ears and nose like Dad, cos that’s gross- but still, everywhere else is okay with me. Do you know that some of the girls are growing tiny titties already and that is so gross…’

‘Never mind tit…I mean breasts. Tanya, whether you like it or not, you are going to start seeing changes in your body that only girls have…’

‘Why?’

‘Why? Because you are a girl and girls bodies change over time as they get older.’

‘So do boys.’

‘Yes, but their changes are different.’

‘I want to have boy changes, not girls. Can’t I take a pill or something?’

‘No you can’t.’

‘Why no?’

‘Because you are too young.’

‘Does that mean I can take pills and change when I get older.’

‘It’s not as simple as that.’

‘It never is!’ I said huffily.

‘Don’t be cheeky.’

With that the conversation sort of degenerated and it didn’t help when I stormed up to my room, slammed the door and threw a vase at the wall.

Well I never said that I was an angel.

Mind you, we were a loving family, despite my being a disappointment to my parents. They always showed me love and affection and we had many happy times when I wasn’t being the pest of the century.

Then, just after my tenth birthday, my Dad died.

He had an accident at work, where a forklift truck had been overloaded and without warning, it toppled over onto him, just as he was passing. He was killed instantly.

It was terrible time for Mum, Nan and me. I was especially upset because the last time I saw Dad we had an argument about me not wanting to wear a skirt to school the following day.

I couldn’t understand for a while where my Dad had gone, but slowly but surely it dawned on me that he was never coming back and that he would never come home and give me that lovely smile that he reserved just for me.

Time passed and we muddled through. Financially we were okay because of a pay-out from the insurance, but money isn’t everything and we all just missed him terribly.

As I grew up, he faded slightly from my memory but there were always the photos and videos showing his happy smiling face.

So I went to senior school and felt even more of a fish out of the water, and that brought me back to the present.

I was blowing slightly as I reached the top of a hill. Behind me, the pack were still following and if I had been a fox, I might have started to worry a bit, as I wasn’t in as good a condition as I thought I was.

Ahead of me was the moor. Over to the left was the deep blue sea. To the right, in the distance was an isolated cottage that I had seen on the occasional walks that Mum and I had taken in this direction.

There were no other buildings about, so without much thought, I headed towards the lonely cottage and hoped that the natives that lived there were friendly.

My hair, as usual, had a mind of it’s own and the only scrunchie that I had with me was in my school bag and I didn’t have enough time to dig around for it and get my hair out of my face.

I would just have to suffer, as usual.

I was contemplating just stopping and confronting the girls, but one or two were bigger than me and had netball playing arms and legs, so I thought it wise not to try and take on, or was that bite, more than I could chew.

The cottage was getting closer now and I hoped and prayed that I could summon assistance, pretend to be a girlie-girl in distress and ask for sanctuary from those nasty, brutal girls pursuing me.

Once again, I was angry at not being a boy. Those girls wouldn’t be chasing me if they thought that I was a boy. No, they considered me to be one of them even though I never acted like one and as such, I was fair game for their perverted persecution of me.

I reached the garden gate and didn’t stop there. I went up the path and pounded on the door.

Behind me I could hear them coming, like a pack of wolves on the scent.

I knocked again — no answer.

‘Tanya, stop,’ shouted one of the girls rather breathlessly.

I looked back as they came through the gate and rushed towards me.

With desperation, I pushed hard on the door.

And the door gave way.

I found myself falling forward.

As I went over the doorway, I shivered and could have sworn that I saw someone in front of me; a vague form that seemed to go right through me as I lurched forward.

Suddenly it was dark. It felt damp. There was a terrific banging going on as thunder and lightning seemed to rip through the place where I now was.

I felt strange and not quite right.

It took a moment for my eyes to get used to the gloom, but I realised quickly enough that the noises were coming from outside. It was obvious that somehow, there was a terrific storm going on.

How could that be? It was mid summer and it was hot and the skies had been clear.

‘Tommy, we are going to kill you!’ said a boy who just appeared in front of me.

‘Tommy? I’m Tanya.’

‘That’s crap and you know it.’ said the other boy.

There was a flash of lightning and I looked down at myself.

I was wearing trousers.

Forgetting the boys for a moment, I put my hand up to my head. My hair was short!

I nearly fainted there and then.

I put my hand between my legs and felt — something.

‘Stop playing with yourself, you bloody pervert.’

‘What?’ I asked looking up at him.

‘You know what we would do if you didn’t do our homework,’ said Boy A.

‘Eh?’

‘Are you thick or something?’ asked Boy B.

‘What do you mean, I don’t understand?’

‘Don’t go all weird on us Tommy, we know what you are like. Pretending to be a girl and being all poufy. It’s about time someone sorts you out and me and Tony here are the ones to do it.’

There was yet another bright flash from outside and an immediate clap of thunder.

The boys advanced on me and I knew that if I didn’t stop thinking about what had happened to me and do something about this, I wouldn’t have any sort of future to look forward to.

I kneed one of the boys in the groin and then raked the heel of my shoe down the shin of the other one.

Then I ran for it.

I was outside before I knew it and I could hear the bellowing of the stricken boys from behind me.

Here was something funny. As I left the cottage, the rain stopped.

Over the sea, in the distance, I could still hear the thunder and see the occasional flash of lightning, but the clouds were rolling away from me and up above there appeared to be blue sky replacing the clouds almost as if a curtain was being drawn aside.

Heat was returning and the ground starting to steam in places. Then the sun came out and it was getting warmer by the minute.

I ran as fast as my legs could take me, as I didn’t know how long it would take for those strange, aggressive boys to come after me.

I found myself on a lane by the side of the moor and I soon recognised where I was. I sat behind a wall and got my breath back as I tried to make sense of what had happened to me.

Looking down, I was wearing the boys’ uniform. I checked my hair and between my legs and unbelievably it confirmed what I had realised in the cottage.

I had somehow changed into a boy!

I smiled.

Maybe my whole life up to that point had been a dream or maybe a nightmare. Now I had woken up and I was the real me; not some girl who was a boy inside, but didn’t have the correct equipment.

I remembered the chase on the Common and the girls coming after me. Then I recalled pushing the front door of the cottage open and near enough falling through. Then there was the strange sensation of someone going through me as if it, he or she was a ghost!

On this side of the door there had been a wild raging storm, but it had been hot and sunny just moments before?

I stood up and looked around me. Everything looked normal, but there were still puddles from the rain. In the distance, the last of the clouds were disappearing in the distance.

By the side of the lane was a stream. The stream had been dry for at least a month, but now it was deep, with fast flowing water!

This was impossible. We had been in the middle of a drought and there had been hosepipe bans. The forecast had said wall-to-wall sunshine and dry weather for at least a couple of weeks more.

I was into science fiction and mystery stuff. It didn’t take much of a leap of imagination to realise that somehow I had been transported to some alternative time and space where I was, in fact the boy I should have been at birth.

This was no dream; it was reality — my new reality

Then it got me thinking about where I was in all this new reality of mine.

The boys obviously knew me as Tommy.

I took my jacket off and looked at the nametag.

Thomas Tucker.

So, I was now Thomas or Tommy rather than Tanya Tucker.

But what about other people in this changed reality?

Did I still have my Mum and Nan?

Did I still live in the same cottage?

I had to know. I tried to put aside the impossibility of what was happening and do something to find out if all of my past had changed and not just me.

There was no sign of the boys who had tried to maim me and I took comfort in that as I continued down the lane that led across the common, away from the sea and towards the village of Treusva, where I lived.

Pretty soon I was in the outskirts of the village and all looked much the same as before. A few people nodded to me as if they knew me and I nodded back, not knowing who they were.

Eventually my home came into view. My heart started pounding, as I got closer. I was dreading what I might find. I didn’t think that I could take any more in the shocks department.

I stood at the gate and looked at the cottage. It all looked a bit shabbier to be honest and the garden wasn’t as well kept. Behind the windows were some rather drab looking deep red velvet curtains. The windows looked like they could do with a bit of paint too.

It was my home and yet it wasn’t.

I opened the gate and it squeaked.

Our gate was always well oiled, I knew that because it was my job to keep it squeak free.

Walking up the path, I dreaded what was going to happen. Would mum recognise me? Would she ask who I was? Would Nan be there and reject me?

I hadn’t seen my face. Maybe I looked different. I might not look anything like the boy they knew, even though my nametag said that I was Thomas Tucker.

Another thought struck me.

Perhaps they didn’t even live there.

I swallowed and then hesitantly knocked on the door.

No answer.

I knocked again a bit louder.

I heard footsteps coming towards me and I thought about the possibility of running away. But I was a boy and girls run away, boys don’t.

I stood there and waited.

The door opened and…

‘D…dad…?’

Please leave comments and kudo thingies...thanks! ~Sue

‘Whatever is the matter with you Tanya?’
I tried to pull myself together. I wanted to laugh, cry, give her a hug and explain that I was from some alternative dimension.

by

Susan Brown

Previously…

Our two-storey cottage was at the other end of the village. It wasn’t that large, but it was pretty and very old; 1666 in fact. It had a preservation order on it, so we couldn’t even hang a painting without asking for permission. Anyone who lives in a cottage that old knows that it can be cold, damp and not very comfortable. Dad had to fight tooth and nail to make the place liveable without the conservation people throwing a wobbly.

Still I had lived there all my life and as they say, “there’s no place like home”.
Or was it my home?

In this reality, if that was what this was, rather the favoured imagination of demented person, i.e., me.

I sort of repeated to myself the earlier question (I was doing a lot of that); did I still have my Dad and Nan or was some stranger living in my cottage who only knew me as Tanya?

That upset me a lot as I once again contemplated the possibility that I may have lost the only people I loved.

That got me wondering what was happening back in my time, place, reality or whatever. Had I been missed and was there a search on for me? Did I cease to exist when I crossed that threshold?

I swallowed and then put my blazer back on as I felt a shiver go through me. I wondered if I was going to freak out again as I went down the well-worn road that led to my cottage.

My heart was thumping as I finally arrived home. Standing at the gate, I took a moment to look at the cottage. The paint on the door looked newer although it was still black. The curtains at the windows were of a different colour and were a rather brighter than before, pink flowers on a cream background rather than the thicker, red velour type that I was used to.

The garden was well kept and designed slightly differently. This wasn’t where I lived. It was the same, but different, if you know what I mean.

I opened the wooden gate and walked up the path.

I knocked on the door.

I heard the sound of footsteps approaching form the inside.

The door opened and I recognised her immediately.

‘Hello love, where’s your door key?’

‘M…Mummy?’

And now the story continues…

‘Whatever is the matter with you Tanya?’

I tried to pull myself together. I wanted to laugh, cry, give her a hug and explain that I was from some alternative dimension.

It was all too much and I just broke down and cried.

‘Ooh darling whatever is the matter? You look as white as a sheet. Are you ill? Talk to me Tannie!’
I was in her arms and my mind raced back to a time when I was very small. I didn’t know that I still had memories of the way she smelt. They say that the sense of smell is one of the strongest and invoked memories I things long past and I could believe that at that moment. Her fragrance took me back to when I was an oh so very young a child.

But I was physically a boy then and not a girl.

Was this the same Mummy that I loved and remembered?

Somehow, I found myself in the cottage and sitting on a soft comfortable sofa with my mother still hugging me and wanting to know what had caused this strange upset.

‘You wouldn’t believe me.’ I said.

‘Did someone have a go at you at school, love?’

‘Yes…I mean no…I mean, oh I don’t know what I mean!’

I sat up and my mother (?) let go of me and looked at me in a very concerned sort of way.

‘Look, why don’t you go and get changed out of your uniform. I know you hate wearing a skirt. We can have an early tea and then go for a walk on the moor or something. It’ll clear your head.’

I just nodded and then left her staring at my back, no doubt and wondering what was wrong with me. And what did that comment about the skirt mean? That was the upside of this situation, my being a girl and being able to wear girlie clothes now and not be made to be some sort of mini, he-man clone.

I wondered what I had gotten myself into.

All the rooms were as before the change except that the decorations, you know, walls and that, were different. A bit brighter and I suppose more feminine in colour and design.

I reached the top of the stairs and automatically turned left towards my room at the end.

The door had a small handwritten sign on it.

‘Charming,’ I thought as I opened the door.

I stood there.

This wasn’t my room.

Puzzled, I turned around and went back along the corridor and looked into the spare room where Nan normally slept when she stayed, and it was full of boxes. Puzzled, I carried on to what was my Dad’s room and hesitantly opened the door.

It was totally different, more feminine and obviously a mum type room. I walked in and over to the double bed. For a moment, I wondered if in this reality Mum might have re-married or something, but only one bedside table had things on it and standing at the back of the table was a silver framed photo of her and Dad with a baby wrapped in a white shawl or blanket, cradled in mum’s arms. Dad looked much younger there, with more hair and no silver bits at the temple. They both looked so happy.

I teared up a bit at the sight of that photo and it reminded me of another one on the wall of Dad’s bedroom, which was eerily similar.

I went out of the room and back down the other bedroom.

The door was still open, so I walked in. The room had been done out as a boys one and had a lot of posters on the wall. Posters that boys would have, sporty ones including one for the Melchester United football team and someone Oriental doing kung foo or kickboxing.

The walls were blue, and the bed had a Melchester bed spread on it.

There were clothes strewn about the floor and none of them shouted girlie to me, in fact, if I didn’t know better I would have sworn that even the used underpants lying on the pillow looked like boys ones.
There was a slightly musty smell of somewhere that wasn’t often clean…

I distractedly scratched an itchy nipple, noting in passing that I was sans bra for some reason and went over to the wardrobe and opened it.

To the left were a few dresses, blouses and skirts, but in the main, the clothes were t-shirts, sweaters and jeans that looked suspiciously boyish in design.

What was going on here?

I sat on the bed and looked over at the opposite wall at a poster that I hadn’t seen as I entered the room.

This was really strange. Here I was, a girl called Tanya, with all the bits that normal girls have, sitting in what was supposed to be my bedroom and it was a bedroom that any boy would think was okay, but as a girls room, it sucked, big time. And then there was that poster. What girl would want to put a poster proclaiming she was a boy on the wall?

Then a light bulb went off in my head, I had a eureka moment and I swear that I could here church bells going and the choir singing the Hallelujah Chorus…

Fact one; before all this happened, I was a boy (well, I had boy bits, anyway).

Fact two; now I was a girl.

Fact three; the incident at the cottage door was probably a body exchange thingie. The old Tanya somehow was at the door at the same time as me and by some cosmic weirdness, we had exchanged bodies without changing minds. Well I assumed that was the case, as that was what had happened to me.

So I was here and she…I mean he, was there, in an alternative reality and probably going through a similar experience to me but in the opposite way.

All the indicators were pointed to the fact that she wanted to be a boy and I assumed that she now had my body, unless she didn’t manage to cross over or whatever the technical term was. It was probable that (s)he was now dealing with the fact that (s)he had an on-going willie situation together with a dad rather than a mum around.

Then there was me. I was here in this reality, with my dad gone and with my mother downstairs, under the impression that I was still the tom-boy from hell. On a personal note, I no longer had an outie and had an innie instead, which was fine by me, but still. It was all very confusing…

‘Ten minutes to tea, Tannie,’ called Mum from downstairs.’

‘OK.’ I called.

‘Tannie? Must be a pet name for me. I prefer Tanya.’

I remembered what I was up there for and tried to put my thoughts on hold as I decided what to wear. I would freak out later, when I had the time.

I went back over to the wardrobe and wrinkling my nose, pushed aside the boyish stuff and picked out a white peasant style top and a blue denim skirt.

Judging by the fact that the price tags were still on the clothes, I assumed that the old Tanya didn’t want to wear them.

‘More fool her,’ I thought.

I opened a couple of drawers in a chest, and had a rummage around for suitable undies. Most of the pants were boy cut style and I had to nearly dig down to Australia before I found a couple of unopened packets of panties and joy of joy, training bras. There were a few sports bras in the drawer that looked like they had been used occasionally, but I had tried a few of those on before and had found them too constricting even for a person without girlie breasts.

I knew that I lacked a certain something in the boob department when I was in the boy mode of my old life and had actually taken certain herbal concoctions— without parental permission, to try to kick-start some sort of growth; however, they didn’t work.

I had always wanted to wear a bra and lacked the opportunity, especially at school. Now I was girliefied, I did have very small buds that itched a bit and therefore needed some support. It was strange that I wasn’t wearing a bra under the school blouse as my breasts felt a bit tender, to say the least. You would have thought that she would have at least put on a sports bra to support the little darlings.

There was no way that I wasn’t going to wear a bra.

I took off my uniform as quickly as possible, folded the clothes neatly and put them on a chair. Then I turned back to the bed and with a thrill of anticipation I got dressed.

For some reason I didn’t want to look at my naked body, as I had had enough shocks already and the sight of my altered naughty bits might send me over the edge. I needed time to acclimatise to my new situation.

The thought of my feminised body was very nice, but I would leave the minute inspection of my new bits to that night, when I had more time and hopefully there would be no chance of interruption.

I put the bra on with a bit of difficulty, I must admit, and then adjusted the straps. Once I was happy with the fit, I slipped on the panties and then the blouse and skirt.

I still couldn’t believe that Tanya didn’t wear a bra, as I felt immediate relief when I put it on and my little buds were finally nestled comfortably in their new silky home.

It was too hot for tights even if I could find any. As we were walking on the moor later, sandals were out, even the boyish ones that the old Tanya had in the bottom of the wardrobe. There were some gender neutral trainers in there and I decided to wear those.

After finishing my dressing, I finally brushed my blond hair out. It was long, down past my shoulders and that surprised me, as I would have thought that she would have had a buzz cut or something.

I just shrugged, realising that I would have to find out as much as possible about her, and soon.

I had a final look at myself in the mirror, shook my head in confusion and then went downstairs.

I had already decided to not tell Mum my little secret. There was no point in sending her around the twist and calling for all sorts of medical teams to find out what was wrong with her offspring.

So I would pretend to be Tanya, the old one I mean.

Are you confused? I know that I was. Oh for a simple Once upon a time story. This was a more like Lord of The Rings, but more complicated. Mind you, this wasn’t a story, it was reality ¬ — yes, twisted reality, — but there was no doubt I was experiencing something more than a little strange.

My mother was in the kitchen and she was stirring something in a saucepan on the hob.

Without turning around, she said, ‘lay the table love.’

I took a chance and sighed with relief that I somehow found the necessary items in the drawer where they were supposed to be.

I put on the tablecloth, place mats and cutlery and then sat down at the table and watched Mum as she did her cooking thing.

She was humming to herself as she stirred what smelt like soup of some kind. She was slim, about five feet seven inches tall. She had hair the same shade as mine and she still had a lovely figure, despite her advanced age of 32.

‘Get the bread, love and sort out the drinks. I’ll have a coke from the fridge.’

I wondered for a moment where the bread was, and then I saw a bread bin on the side.

I went over, took out some already cut up French stick pieces, put them in a wicker bread basket by the side of the bin and then put it on the table. Then I went over to the fridge, found a couple of cans of Coke and poured some in a couple of glasses.

Mum was still concentrating on her cooking as I sat down at the table again.

Finally, she finished and poured the hot soup into the plates that she had by the side of her.
After washing the saucepan out and putting it on the drainer, she picked up the plates of soup and turned around. She glanced up and smiled.

‘Thanks for laying…’

She looked at me, faltered in her stride and then purposefully put the plates down on the table, her hands shaking slightly as she did so.

She sat down opposite me and absent-mindedly picked up some bread and tore it in half. She then attempted to pop the bread in her mouth, but missed and hit her nose. Then shaking her head, she finally managed to find her mouth and ate the bread.

I dipped the bread in the tomato soup and then ate it. We said nothing for a moment and I just concentrated on what I was doing, conscious that I might say something that might give the game away.

‘I will have to play this by ear,’ I thought as I ate my soupy bread.

‘Erm,’ said Mum.

I glanced up. She was looking at me rather strangely, as if she didn’t believe what she was seeing. I wondered if I had soup on my chin or something and I raised my hand to check, but I was okay.

‘T…Tanya?’

‘Yes M…Mummy?’

My mind flew back to a time when I did think of her as Mummy; she was never Mum then. She had died, but I always thought of her as Mummy when Dad or Nan spoke of her.

She seemed a bit shocked.

‘Mummy; you never call me that any more.’

She shook her head and then continued with a strange look on her face.

‘Erm, you look nice dear.’

‘Do I?’ I asked innocently.

‘Are you feeling all right?’
‘Yes fine, why?’

‘Erm, well, you are wearing, um a skirt and blouse.’

‘I know, isn’t it nice?’

‘Is it? I mean it is, but honey, you don’t normally wear things like that, do you?’

‘Don’t I, I mean, erm I don’t but I fancied a erm, a change.’

Mum smiled and it made her face even more beautiful, if that was possible.

We carried on eating in silence, my mother looking at me occasionally as if she didn’t believe what she was seeing.

It was all so unreal. Just the day before I had been sitting in the kitchen eating with Dad. Nan had gone off to a meeting with her Wrinklies Group — they were discussing the possibility of walking up Mount Snowdon or something and were there enough toilets on the way?

We had sausages and chips a favourite and easy to cook. That was good as Dad was not too great in the meal preparation department.

Now I was time and space warped here with my long dead mother sitting opposite me eating, or is that drinking soup and looking at me, wondering what the hell was going on.

We finished our meal and had ice cream for afters. We didn’t have much to talk about, as there was an obvious elephant in the room, as the saying goes. I had seen evidence of old Tanya’s leaning towards boyhood, but I had no idea how far she or maybe he had gone down the road of masculinity.
Mummy coughed and I looked up from inspecting my plate.

‘Tannie…’

‘Tanya Mummy, please.’

‘Oh, not Tan either?’

‘No, Tanya’s a nice name.’

‘For a girl.’

‘Yes, well, hello — that’s what I am.’

‘Yes, right; good erm, girl. Marvellous, fantastic.’

She looked at me, concern on her face.

‘Are you feeling all right Tanya, you cried earlier?’

‘Mmm, fine, couldn’t be better.’

‘Not got a temperature?’

‘Everyone’s got one of those or we’ll be dead.’

‘Yes, yes, I mean a high temperature, feeling a bit iffy, you know?’

‘I’m as right as rain.’

‘Good, good…’ her voice trailed off.
‘So, Mummy, are we going out for a walk then?’

‘Yes, throw the crocks in the dish washer and we’ll go. Did you want to change into jeans and t-shirt?’

‘No, why should I? It’s lovely weather out there and I think my legs need a bit of a tan, they look pasty, don’t you think?’

I stood, lifted up the skirt slightly and showed her my bare legs.

‘Erm yes, they do look a bit pale, but Tannie…’

‘Tanya, Mummy,’

‘Sorry love, but what I was about to say was that you always wear jeans and more, shall we say, boyish clothes when we go out for the walk.’

‘I fancy, a change.’

‘Okaaay, come on then, lets get cracking.’

The moor looked lovely as we walked along the well-worn trial that eventually led to the sea. The heather looked lovely and the wildness of the terrain made me imagine being a seventeenth century heroine, wearing a long dress and a beribboned hat and looking for some sort of Darcy figure coming over the brow of the hill on a horse and looking scrumptious.

Even at the tender age of eleven I had vivid imagination and although the thought of a boy kissing me in practice made me feel slightly queasy, as I wasn’t into the boy girl or even girl girl thing yet, I was just a bit of a dreamer of things that I hoped would come to pass one day.

‘So Tanya,’ asked Mummy puffing slightly as we climbed to the top of a rather steep hill and look across to the sea, glinting in the distance, ‘what do you want to do about your doctors appointment?’

‘Doctors appointment?’

‘Have you forgotten, you have an appointment with Doctor Miles tomorrow morning.’

‘What about?’ I asked.

She looked at me with another one of her strange looks.

‘The usual of course.’

‘The usual?’

I was on shaky ground here and the last thing I wanted to do was give the game away.

‘Look, Tanya, you have been behaving very strangely today. You come home in tears—that’s the first time that I have seen you cry in a long time—and the you start wearing clothes out of school that only girls wear and now this.’

‘Sorry Mummy, I don’t know what you mean,’ I said, getting tearful; it was all getting a bit too much.
She faced me and looked into my eyes.

‘Tanya, your appointment with the psychiatrist is a follow up to the last one. Don’t you remember what he said? He said that you would have to think seriously about what you actually want to be—a boy or a girl. I know that you have said all along that you are a boy and not a girl and God knows you were more boyish than half the boys in your school, but this is a life changing decision for you and you have to get it right.’

I sat on a boulder and put my head in my hands, the tears trickling through my fingers, not knowing what I should say or do. I hated the fact that I was hiding things from my mother but knew if I told her the truth, the nice men from the funny farm would come and get me armed with a straight jacket complete with special buckles.

I was a bright kid and could make decisions quickly. In the past, it was only my quick wits that kept me from being pounded for supposedly acting like a fairy. I knew what I had to do.

Mummy was by now sitting next to me and I put my head on her shoulder as she held me.

‘Mummy.’

‘Yes love?’

‘I’m not sure that I want to be a boy now—no let me finish—I want to try to be a girl and act and behave like one. As the doc said, it’s an important decision to make, changing gender and that. I need to try being a girl for a while and then I will be sure to make the right decision. You know that my b…breasts are budding?’

‘Yes he was talking about the possibility of using blocking drugs to stop you from developing further.’

I knew something about all this as my psychiatrist in the other reality had already discussed this with me and Dad.

‘The thing is, there could be side effects and I want to make sure that I want to be a b…boy for sure before I start taking them.’

‘But honey, you were all for dropping your jeans and having the injections when Doctor Miles mentioned it.’

‘I…I know, but I’ve thought about it and it’s a big step. Can I just try to be a girl for a while and then I can decide?’

She hugged me tighter.

‘Of course you can honey. You know that I only want the best for you.’

After drying my eyes with a tissue we carried on with our walk, both of us a bit quiet as I think that each of us had things to think about.

For some reason I thought about the spare room, full of boxes.

‘Mummy?’

‘Yes love?’

‘Erm about Nan…’

‘Oh yes, we’ll have to go visit her at the home. It’s a pity she couldn’t stay with us after the stroke. I hope that she recognises us this time. Mind you, if you wear a dress, it might shock her into the here and now and not years ago when your father was alive. Tanya love, why are you crying again?

Please leave comments and kudo thingies...thanks! ~Sue

He looked at me strangely.

‘What’s up Tommy, you look like you’ve seen a ghost?’

‘N…Nothing Dad.’

by

Susan Brown

Previously from Chapter 2…

Eventually my home came into view. My heart started pounding, as I got closer. I was dreading what I might find. I didn’t think that I could take any more in the shocks department.

I stood at the gate and looked at the cottage. It all looked a bit shabbier to be honest and the garden wasn’t as well kept. Behind the windows were some rather drab looking deep red velvet curtains. The windows looked like they could do with a bit of paint too.

It was my home and yet it wasn’t.

I opened the gate and it squeaked.

Our gate was always well oiled, I knew that because it was my job to keep it squeak free.

Walking up the path, I dreaded what was going to happen. Would mum recognise me? Would she ask who I was? Would Nan be there and reject me?

I hadn’t seen my face. Maybe I looked different. I might not look anything like the boy they knew, even though my nametag said that I was Thomas Tucker.

Another thought struck me.

Perhaps they didn’t even live there.

I swallowed and then hesitantly knocked on the door.

No answer.

I knocked again a bit louder.

I heard footsteps coming towards me and I thought about the possibility of running away. But I was a boy and girls run away, boys don’t.

I stood there and waited.

The door opened and…

‘D…dad…?’

And now the story continues…

He looked at me strangely.

‘What’s up Tommy, you look like you’ve seen a ghost?’

‘N…Nothing Dad.’

‘Come on in. where’s your key, not lost it again?’

‘No, I mean, I don’t know.’

I followed him into the cottage. It all looked a bit different form the other cottage, if you know what I mean. It was somehow a bit darker and not so feminine. I looked around, wondering where Mum was, maybe in the kitchen?

Dad went off into the sitting room, which was good, as I didn’t fancy explaining away the unbelievable sight of him there after being dead for over a year.

I went into the kitchen and I nearly died of shock. Mum wasn’t there, but Nan was and she didn’t look ill at all. She had had a stroke and she should have been in the nursing home, but here she was as large as life and to be honest, looking as fit as a fiddle.

The last time I saw her, she was in a nursing home following a stroke. She had been frail for some time and had gone from a fit, vibrant person to close on a vegetable and now she was here and looking the picture of health…

She turned towards me and smiled.

‘Hello Tommy, you look a bit pale love, are you okay?’

‘Y…yes Nan.’

‘Well, don’t just stand there, peel some spuds for me. I’m staying for tea and then I have a meeting at the Women’s Institute.’

Although the kitchen was of a different design to what I was used to, luckily the drawers seemed to hold the same stuff and I grabbed the peeler and then did as I was asked.

‘Have a nice day at school Tommy?’

‘Pardon?’

‘I said did you have a nice day at school today?’

‘Oh, no, I mean yes, it was all right, I suppose.’

‘Did those boys give you any grief?’

‘What boys?’

‘Erm, Mike Furbin and Tony Hart, I think that’s their names.’

‘So that’s who they were,’ I thought.

‘They did try something, but I managed to get away from them.’

‘That’s good. If they don’t stop what they are doing, your dad swears that he is going to talk to their parents and give them a piece of his mind.’

‘Right,’ I replied, not really knowing what my response should be.

‘Don’t forget that you promised to go to the cemetery later.’

I looked up at her as she busied herself at the cooker.

‘Why?’ I asked.

She looked at me again and she looked sad.

‘You were going to tidy up the headstone and memorial, remember?’

‘Whose?’

‘Whose what?’

‘Erm headstone and that?’

She sighed and then turned to me.

‘Tommy, I know that your mum has been dead for a long time now and you don’t really remember her much, but it won’t hurt you to go and look after the grave and change the flowers sometimes—Tommy, what’s the matter?’

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, my lovely Mum dead?

I burst into tears.

This was all too much. I had somehow been transported to another place where everything I knew was different. I had gained my dad and my nan was well again, but against that my mum had died years ago.

What did it all mean?

I was in my nan’s arms as she tried to make me feel better.

‘What’s up?’ said my dad from behind me.

‘Tommy’s upset about something.’

‘What’s wrong Tommy?’

‘Mum.’

‘What about her?’

‘She’s dead.’

‘Of course she is.’

‘Why?’

‘She died of cancer when you were three. You know this. Why are you upset all of a sudden?’

‘I…I miss her.’

Dad came over then and we all had a group hug. It was nice to feel them close to me but all of this was still a big shock to me. Everything that had happened in the last few hours didn’t make any sense. Why was I here and what had happened to make me cross to over to this place; a place that was so much like my other life, but at the same time, oh so different?

Somehow I found myself in the sitting room, which once again was the same but differently decorated.

Dad had gone off somewhere and it was my nan who comforted me.

‘Look Tommy, it’s terrible that your mum is no longer with us, but we have to just go on and muddle through like we have for years now. I know your dad has never recovered from loosing her, but we had hoped that as you were so young when she left us, you wouldn’t feel the same pain. She was my daughter and I too have had painful moments. But life goes on and we must look forward and not back.’

‘I…I know nan, but, oh, I can’t explain.’

If I told her all that had happened, I would have a one-way ticket to the funny farm.

Tea was a strange affair, as I didn’t want to say anything that might give the game away and the others were concentrating on feeding their faces. However, I could tell somehow that both my dad and nan were upset about my little outburst earlier.

I was let off washing up, as I had to go to the cemetery to visit mum. I took the flowers that nan had bought earlier and with a quick goodbye, I made my way out of the cottage, down the lane to the village and then up the short hill to the church.

The churchyard was as well kept as it had always been. As I went under the arch, I shivered slightly. It was a place that never held happy memories to me. My father had been buried there and I had visited his grave regularly with and without mum.

Somehow I just knew that my mum in this reality was going to be buried in the same plot and I walked down the path with dread at what I might see. I still couldn’t believe that she had died here and that I was visiting her grave rather than that of my father.

As I walked, I glanced to my right and left and noted that the gravestones all looked pretty much the same as before. So it appeared that much of this world was the same as it had been in mine and only appeared to be different in respect to my family and home.

Without thinking I had arrived at the graveside and there she was.

I collapsed in a heap, the flowers dropping on the ground around me. I was oblivious to everything around me and couldn’t understand what was happening. After all I had gone through, I was now confronted with my mothers resting place. I had prepared myself for that, but I had not envisaged seeing what I had just seen on the gravestone.

In my mind’s eye, thinking about the many times I had visited my fathers grave in my other life, I had the final resting place of my dad, etched on my memory.

Over there, my dads’ grave was the same as this one here, apart from the dates and the name difference and also the fact that the stone was more weathered. Also, unbelievably, the epitaph was exactly the same wording as my mothers one here!

I sat on the grass for a few moments, my thoughts all confused. What did it all mean? Were the two realities somehow linked?

Over here, my mum had died several years ago, over there; Dad had died just over a year ago. So reality and time-lines were different, but there was a strong link, otherwise why was this grave so similar to the one over there?

My head was spinning with all this going on. It almost seemed like a side issue that I had not only been transported here, but that I was also changed physically from being a girl and into a boy.

You could say that all my dreams had come true by my now being a boy instead of some travesty in female form. But I had lost so much too; more than anything my lovely Mum, who I loved dearly. I wondered what was happening over the other side.

I tried to pull myself together. I had to be strong and not a weakling. I had suffered for so long, living as a girl. Now I was a boy and I would have to make some sort of sense about what had happened to me and to those people around me who I loved.

I had to assume that I had swapped bodies with another version of me. Nothing else made any sense.

I had crossed over to this reality and had changed physically from a girl to a boy. Somehow, I knew, whether by some sort of sixth sense or other mumbo-jumbo, that the Tommy over here had changed to Tanya on the other side.

So, here I was with my dad alive and nan fit and well, but my mum dead for many years.

I sat and pondered that for a while. After a few minutes, I pulled out the dead flowers from the vase in front of the headstone and replaced them with the ones that I had brought with me.

There were a few weeds about the memorial and I pulled them out of the grass and then cleared everything up and placed the discarded weeds and flowers in the bin by the path.

Then I returned to my mothers’ grave and sat down on the grass again. As I traced my finger along the name etched onto the marble, I felt a slight tingling sensation through my fingertips. I shivered slightly and then I felt calmer than I had since all these strange things had started to happen to me.

I smiled.

I realised that my mum wasn’t dead in the other place; she was alive and that gave me some comfort as did the fact my nan, here and now, was not sick, but well and full of beans. I had to accept my situation. I was here now and it was probable that I would never have the chance to return back from where I came from; just as my alter ego would be in a similar situation and would have to make the best of it as well.

I could not change what had happened, but must make the best of it. There was no point in telling anyone what had happened to me, as no one would ever believe such a fantastic tale.

I got up and looked down at mums’ grave.

‘Bye Mum, I’ll be back lots of times and I’ll tell you all that happens to me.’

I walked back down the path, through the arch, and out into the lane.

I arrived home and dad was in the hallway, putting on his shoes.

‘hi Tommy, sorted out mum’s grave?’

‘Yes, sorry about earlier.’

‘What, you getting upset?’

‘Mmm.’

‘Don’t worry mate, I get upset sometimes too. I never want you to forget your Mum; she was one in a million.’

‘Yes she is, I mean was.’

‘Look, I have to pop out and get some milk. Your nan drinks tea like a fish and we’ve run out. Will you be okay for a while or do you want to come with me?

‘I didn’t know that fish drank tea. I’ll be fine and anyway, I think I might have homework to do.’

‘Don’t you know if you have any then?’

‘Erm yes, I have. Anyway, I’ll see you later.’

‘Right, I’ll be off then.’

He smiled at me and then went out, closing the door behind him.

‘Nan,’ I shouted.

There was no reply and then I remembered her saying something about a W.I. meeting.

I went upstairs to Tommy’s, now my room and as soon as I opened the door, I winced. The place was eerily tidy. The walls were of pastel colours and I wondered if I had gone into the wrong room. I went out again and looked in the other bedrooms. The nearest one was the guest room and it looked like nan used it as it had all sorts of knick-knacks that I recognised from the other side. More cross over things for me to think about.

I then went to my dad’s room and opened the door. It was more of a man’s room than anything else, but it was tidy enough and lacked what my Mum would call the woman’s touch.

Going over to the double bed, I noted that one of the bedside tables had nothing on it except a clock. The other one had lots of items that looked like dad’s. Towards the rear of the table stood a photo in a silver frame. I smiled as I saw Mum and Dad together when they were a lot younger and in Mum’s arms was a baby—me— wrapped up in what looked like a white shawl or blanket.

Mum and Dad looked so happy and proud standing there and I got a bit of a lump in the throat...

Turning away, I made my way out of the room and back into what I knew was now my room.

I went over to the wardrobe and opened the doors. Inside were some boys’ things to wear and for that I was happy, although I didn’t seem to have much to choose from, being in the main, boy’s school uniforms like the one I was wearing now. To the side were a few dresses, blouses and other girly items. I noted that they all looked as if they had seen some wear and it was the sight of these that made my mind click into gear as another puzzle piece was put into place.

Before crossing over to this reality, I was a boy in a girl’s body. Now my body matched my mind. What if Tommy had been in the same situation as I was as Tanya? It seemed possible, if not likely that Tommy was now Tanya on the other side and her body matched her mind too!

Once again I had a strange sensation where I just knew that that was what had happened.

Both our minds now matched our bodies and we were both living in the right gender.

But at what a cost?

I had lost Mum and found Dad and she had lost Dad and found Mum, with the added complication regarding Nan.

I shook my head. All this was too confusing. I would give my brain a rest and get back to more practical matters.

My school backpack was on the bed, I had carried it back from the cottage where the change had happened, but not really paid much attention to it. I didn’t much like the purple colour. Mine over the other side had been black and that suited me down to the ground. This one had too many girlie overtones and I vowed to ditch it at the earliest opportunity and then get myself one that more fully matched my boyish tastes.

I pulled several items out of the bag, including a notebook that had pink cover. There were some schoolbooks in the bag including some notes on homework.

The first thing I noted was that the handwriting was very similar to mine, in fact, almost the same. However, it looked slightly more flowery, and maybe girlie. The way the ‘i’s’ were dotted with tiny circles rather than dots and letters like y and g seemed to have more of a flourish to them all pointed to a more feminine look to the handwriting.

Reading the notes on the homework required, showed me that exactly the same questions were being asked of me here as had been asked for over the other side. The two ‘worlds’ if you want to call them that, seemed to running almost identically. Although, I must admit not to knowing the boys who tried to attack me when I fell though the portal or whatever and found myself confronted by those Neanderthals.

That meant nothing as the school was a large one and I knew only a few people well in school.

Still, it was all a bit of a puzzle wasn’t it?

I turned around and noticed a poster on the wall and that made me stop and think a bit.

I had one on my wall over the other side. It was in blue and said the same but ended with boy instead of girl.

Why wasn’t I surprised?

The rest of the day was pretty much doing my homework and trying to sort out what clothes I had to wear. It was obvious to me that the other ‘me, didn’t have much fondness for boys clothes and it was only by sorting through drawers and on top of the wardrobe that I found several items that would be more suited to my manly body rather than the rather feminine ones that that my alter ego seemed to prefer. She, as I now preferred to call her, looked like she preferred panties to male pants. She even had a selection of nighties that looked well used.

I wondered whether my father and nan approved of this, but I didn’t feel like broaching the subject unless they did. Anyway, it was obvious to me that I didn’t have enough clothes to be going on with, as even the male type clothes looked a bit androgynous and not quite what I would have worn, given the choice.

I changed out of my school uniform and noted, with distaste that I was actually wearing panties! How she hadn’t been found out, I would never know, but I quickly pulled them off and then there they were, in all their glory. The things that I had wanted all my life, the things that I had prayed for all my life…

Boys’ equipment.

I didn’t want to touch them as they might disappear in a puff of smoke or maybe I might wake up and the dream would have gone and I would still have a slit down there.

Then I was aware that I had to use the toilet anyway, so I didn’t waste any time and making sure the coast was clear, I dashed across the corridor and shut myself in the bathroom.

I wouldn’t normally discuss or write about bodily functions, but you can understand that this was an unusual situation. For those with a delicate disposition, please look away or jump to the next section...

I was about to sit down as usual to have a wee, but then I grinned, realising that I didn’t need to do that anymore. I stood proudly and pointed my equipment down at the toilet bowl and let go.

Of course, I missed and sprinkled wee everywhere except into the bowl. I didn’t realise that this method of going to the toilet was somewhat hit and miss. Eventually, I got the hang of it, but it was always a problem and in the end I preferred to sit down as there was less chance of an ‘accident’ doing it that way.

Mind you, I couldn’t wait for the snow and then I could attempt to write my name…

After cleaning up my mess, I went back into the bedroom, put on a t-shirt, real men’s pants—well boys’ anyway—socks and jeans. I brushed my hair out and marvelled at the fact that I would only need ten minutes to get ready in the morning now.

Cool.

I went downstairs and found Dad in the sitting room reading the paper. I was still more than slightly freaked out at seeing him sitting there rather than Mum, but I was getting more used to things now and comforted myself that I considered my mum to be alive, but ‘elsewhere’.

Dad looked up as I walked in and the smile sort of froze on his face.

‘Wasup Dad?’ I enquired as I plonked myself down in an armchair across from him.

He looked at me with what looked like some confusion.

‘Erm, not wearing a blouse and skirt then?’

‘No, why should I? I’m a boy.’

‘Riiight.’

‘Dad.’

‘Yes?’

‘I need some new clothes, the ones I’ve got are gross.’

‘Erm, more g…girls clothes?’

‘No, of course not, boys stuff.’

He put his paper down; his hands, I noted, were shaking slightly.

‘Are you all right?’

‘Yea, course I am, why?’

He looked at me for a moment, took a deep breath and then spoke.

‘Tanya, I mean Tommy, ever since I found that stash of clothes you hid behind the bath panel, I have let you wear the girls clothes around the house that you wanted to wear. We had stopped you, I know from wearing girls things, but your psychiatrist said that you should be able to express yourself and discover the real you. Your nan and I have let you do that and you’ve been happy. Now you say that you want to wear boys’ clothes all of a sudden. Is this anything to do with the fact that you broke down earlier?’

‘You mean because of Mum?’

‘Yes.’

‘It isn’t because of that, it’s because I…I need to try to be a boy for a while. To see if I can fit in normally.’

‘Ever since you were little, you have been convinced that you are a girl.’

‘I…I can change my mind.’

He once again looked at me with those piercing eyes and then nodded slowly.

‘All right, we’ll go shopping tomorrow and get you more clothes. Are you sure about this?’

‘As sure as I’ll ever be.’

In bed that night, I thought of all the things that had happened to me that day. I had managed to find some boys pyjamas, obviously an unwanted present, but they were what I wanted now and I knew that they would get plenty of use.

The shock was wearing off now and I was getting more used to being in a boys body. It was strange that I was ultra-aware that I now had boys’ genitals. I could feel them when I walked and sat and even lying in the bed, I was always aware of them. No doubt, in time that would change and I would just treat them as a normal part of my body, but for now, it was all new and rather exciting.

I wondered how things were going with Tanya over the other side. Was she experiencing changes that she never thought she would? Things were so different now for both of us.

It would be my first day at school tomorrow as a real boy. How would I be treated and would the bullies like those that I had encountered earlier be there and try to hurt me.

Tanya would have similar problems and I hoped that she fitted in okay.

One thing was sure; I would not let anyone stop me being who I really was—a boy.

Please leave comments and kudo thingies...thanks! ~Sue

...here was the other question that I wanted—no needed to ask. It was a question that had been on my mind ever since my mother opened the front door to me and turned my world even more upside down than it already was...

by

Susan Brown

Previously from Chapter 3…

‘I’m not sure that I want to be a boy now—no let me finish—I want to try to be a girl and act and behave like one. As the doc said, it’s an important decision to make, changing gender and that. I need to try being a girl for a while and then I will be sure to make the right decision. You know that my b…breasts are budding?’

‘Yes he was talking about the possibility of using blocking drugs to stop you from developing further.’

I knew something about all this as my psychiatrist in the other reality had already discussed this with Dad and me.

‘The thing is, there could be side effects and I want to make sure that I want to be a b…boy for sure before I start taking them.’

‘But honey, you were all for dropping your jeans and having the injections when Doctor Miles mentioned it.’

‘I…I know, but I’ve thought about it and it’s a big step. Can I just try to be a girl for a while and then I can decide?’

She hugged me tighter.

‘Of course you can honey. You know that I only want the best for you.’

After drying my eyes with a tissue we carried on with our walk, both of us a bit quiet as I think that each of us had things to think about.

For some reason I thought about the spare room and the fact that it was full of boxes.

‘Mummy?’

‘Yes love?’

‘Erm about Nan…’

‘Oh yes, we’ll have to go visit her at the home. It’s a pity she couldn’t stay with us after the stroke. I hope that she recognises us this time. Mind you, if you wear a dress, it might shock her into the here and now and not years ago when your father was alive. Tanya love, why are you crying again?

And now the story continues…

I just shook my head, not wanting to talk about the terrible news that almost broke my heart. I got up and strode off down the path, my mother following in my wake.

We had walked on for a while, as I tried to stop myself from breaking down in tears. My mother noticed that I was not happy, but kept her silence. There was a fallen tree by the side of the long winding path leading to the Coastal Walk. I sat on it, my thoughts in turmoil as I tried to take in what my mother had just said.

Nan had had a stroke and now lived in a nursing home?

There was the other question that I wanted—no needed to ask. It was a question that had been on my mind ever since my mother opened the front door to me and turned my world even more upside down than it already was.

I tried to pull myself together and stop crying just for a moment, but it was all a bit much and it took several moments before I was ready to tell my mother what was on my mind.

She had waited patiently and just held me in a comforting embrace.

I took a deep shuddering breath and just said. ‘I want Daddy.’

I held my breath as she thought for a moment and the replied.

‘I do too; I miss your father more than anything else. I know that it was nearly two years ago when he died in that stupid accident with that damned fork-lift truck, but there isn’t a day when I don’t miss him. But life goes on sweetie and your father wouldn’t want you to dwell in the past. We need to look to the future now.’

Of course, that set me off crying again. In my heart of hearts, I already knew that he was dead, although I hadn’t known when and how it had happened.

That was how this reality seemed to work; almost a mirror image of my world, but with subtle differences. Here I was, sitting on a log, with my mother of all people, hugging me and trying to make me feel better as all good mothers should.

Just a few hours ago, I was known as Tommy, even though I hated the thought of being a boy at the time. I had fallen through a door to a new, different sort of reality where I was actually Tanya, a real, genuine girl with all the body bits to go with it.

I should be happy—no ecstatic, and I was, in a way. But, and that was a big but, my dad was dead, here and now and my nan had had a stroke and wasn’t the bright bubbly and energetic Nan that I had always known and loved.

I remembered Dad’s happy smile and the way he took care of me. He sort of comprehended why I needed to be considered a girl. He didn’t truly understand it, but he was sympathetic and had done all he could to make my dreams and wishes come true.

I recalled how the energetic, lively and fun loving Nan was back over ‘the other side. Now she was evidently a shadow of herself and not the nan I knew and loved.

After a while, I pulled myself together and we continued our walk.

Mum tried to draw me out, but I was poor company. We did a loop by the cottage where all the strange things happened to me. Glancing at it, I wondered how things were going for my other self. Would he (as I now considered him to be), be coping as badly as me? In that world, Mum was dead and Nan was fine.

It was all so confusing.

We arrived back to the home that looked so much like the other one but with many little differences. This version of the cottage was a more feminine one than I was used too.

‘I have a bit of headache Mummy, can I just go up and lie down for a bit?’

‘Of course love; I’ll bring you up a cup of hot chocolate later. Why don’t you get yourself ready for bed and have an early night. There’s school tomorrow and the history test.’

‘History test?’

‘Yes, have you forgotten?’

‘Yes,’

‘Well, never mind. If you get a good nights sleep, you will be in a better frame of mind to take the test. Off you go, I’ll be up soon.’

I kissed her on the cheek and wearily went upstairs.

In my room, I looked at the mess with distaste. I couldn’t sleep in a pigsty like that, so I picked up all the clothes, male type clothes at that, and dumped the lot in a wash basket in the corner of the room.

Then I tore down the Remember, I’m a Boy poster, rolled it up, put an elastic band around it and hid it in the back of the cupboard.

The bed was still unmade and I felt slightly disgusted with the possibility of sleeping in the dirty sheets, even though, in theory anyway, they were essentially my sheets.

I went out into the corridor and the fresh sheets were where we always kept them, in the cupboard at the top of the stairs where the hot water tank was.

I pulled out the clean sheets and then went to change the bed.

In a few moments, the bed was made and the soiled sheets were in the wash basket.

The basket was now rather full so I went downstairs with it and into the sitting room where my mother was, erm, sitting.

‘Mummy?’

‘Yes dear?’

‘Do you want me to do a wash?’

‘Wash?’

‘Yes wash, I have a lot of dirty things that need washing…’

‘And you want to wash them?’

‘Yes.’

‘You never do the washing.’

‘I do now.’

‘You must be sick; I should check your temperature. I suppose you’re going to tell me now that you have actually cleaned out your room,’ she said jokingly.

‘Yes, of course.’

She looked shocked and went pale. After a moment, she put on a rather forced smile and then joked, ‘Well I like this new, improved version of my Tannie...’

‘Tanya, Mummy.’

‘Yes, of course.’

She glanced at me strangely.

‘I’m worried about you dear, you don’t seem to be the same since you went to school this morning. You haven’t been bullied, have you?’

‘No, of course not. I just feel a bit different, that’s all.’

‘All this talk about your father and nan, you never said much before. You bottled it all in and never cried. Why now?’

‘I…I don’t know,’ I lied, ‘it’s just that I feel different about things.’

‘And nothing happened at school to make you like this now?’

‘No, nothing. It’s just, I don’t know, I cant put it into words. Look Mummy, I really want to try to be a girl now. Will you help me?’

She looked at me silently for a moment, smiled and just nodded.

As I walked upstairs, I decided not to freak out over the news that I had had about Dad and Nan. I took comfort in the fact that the dad and nan that I knew and loved were alive and well, but just over the ‘other side’ somewhere.

I was feeling rather tired. Not surprising, considering the time and space continuum anomalies that I had been experiencing.

I smiled at that thought; I had always been a bit of a trekkie and I wondered what Spock would have thought about my experiences.

I wanted to get ready for bed, but fancied a shower first. In my major rummage of drawers earlier, I had found amongst the boy-type PJ’s, a couple of unused nighties, obviously bought by unknowing relatives at Christmas and languishing in the darkest regions of a bottom drawer.

One was a plain, sky blue, strappy affair that looked silky and the other one was a pink Hello Kitty Striped Nightdress complete with matching socks. I plumped for the Hello Kitty one as it had long sleeves and looked comfy. I didn’t bother with the socks as it was a rather warm night. They would come in useful in the winter though as this old cottage tended to be a bit draughty.

I grabbed the nightie and then went into the bathroom.

I took off my clothes and folded them neatly and put them aside as I stated the shower and then stepped in, shutting the glass door behind me.

I must admit to feeling rather strange as the water cascaded down me. This was the first time that I had had a really good look at my altered body and it was a bit of an eye opener. Having budding breasts and girls’ equipment seemed a bit freaky, but in a weird way, normal.

For some time I had wanted breasts and now I had them. Admitted, they were small and itchy, but they were all mine. I had broached the subject with my dad and nan on a few occasions. I had read on the Internet that some kids with gender problems were allowed to have drugs to stop puberty and then get pills to develop as boys/girls, depending on which way you felt that you were.

Nothing had come of it as I was considered to be too young to be able to decide on such an important course of action and my shrink had said the same, but she had promised me that I would get my chance soon. Well that chance had come to me sooner than either of us had thought and now I didn’t need any pills and potions, as I was a real life, true girl!

Soon I had finished my shower and after drying myself off with a big, white, soft, fluffy towel, and drying off the excess water from my hair with a small one, I put on the nightdress and then went back into my bedroom and was soon drying my hair with a dryer, sitting at the dressing table, which was singularly lacking in anything of a girlie nature. Tannie didn’t go in for makeup, hair products, girlie scent and other trappings. The table was pretty bare.

It was only through a quick rummage in the drawer of the dressing table that I found the hair dryer, although there were no hair straighteners, curlers and other hair essentials for the modern, go ahead girl.

It was funny that Tannie, as I now called the previous occupant of this body, had kept her hair long, though. I think I would have freaked out if I had had shortly cropped hair!

Just then, there was a tap on the door.

‘Come in,’ I called.

‘Just brought you hot chocolate, Tanya.’

‘Thanks Mummy, just put it on my bedside table please.’

I finished drying my hair and was trying to brush through the tangled mess when she came over.

‘Let me,’ she said, taking the brush.

I handed it over and she was soon tackling the mess, which was now my hair. I had a strong feeling that Tannie didn’t take much care of it and probably always kept it in a pony tail, a low one of course. No chance of a high, preppy style for her.

Mummy parted my hair on the side instead of the middle and somehow created a fringe look that was rather nice. She didn’t have much to work on but she did her best, bless her. When she had finished, my hair looked nice and more girlie than before. But it was obvious that I was going to have to have intensive care on my hair and soon too, before the deadly split ends took over and spit to the roots.

I looked at Mummy’s face in the mirror; she had a sort of dreamy look on it.

‘What’s up Mummy?’

She looked at my reflection and smiled.

‘It’s a long time since you let me brush your hair and its at least two years since you wore a nightie. Your Auntie Amy brought that one for Christmas, last year, do you remember. The look on your face…’

The Auntie Amy, I knew, ‘back over there,’ didn’t approve of me being feminine. She said that I should stop being silly and act like a boy. Perhaps she might approve of me now in this topsy-turvy world?

I wondered how many other relatives were the same over here as they were, erm, over there? It looked increasingly like only Tannie, me and our close family were affected and everyone else was the same, although I didn’t know too much about anyone else. I would have to play it by ear and try to pick up on any pointers that Mummy gave me.

‘Erm, yes, ‘ I lied, ‘I remember that she was a bit cross.’

‘That’s an understatement. My sister has strong views on everything up to and including the ordination of women and the backbone of our society is bankrupt and corrupt. With you, I’m afraid; she had a bit of a field day. Well, never mind her. You be all you want to be and to hell with her bigoted views.’

This was a strong statement from my mother and I wondered if she was always like this. Remember, I hadn’t really experienced having a mother around me. Dad was rather a pacifist and I wondered, in passing, who wore the trousers in our house when they were together. When I was younger, being the usual self-centred brat, I was more interested in all things ‘me’ rather than anything or anyone else.

‘There we are darling, all nice and shiny. You have lovely hair.’

‘I know, but Mummy, it has split ends on the split ends; can I have it properly cut and also, look at my nails, they’re awful.’

‘You want to go to a salon and have your hair and nails done?’

‘Yes.’

Last time I asked you if you wanted to go, it was if I was committing child cruelty. You said that you would only go over your dead body. You said…’

‘…Never mind what I said then Mummy, as I say, I want to try this girl thing and see if it works for me.’

I didn’t tell her that it had worked for me for most of my life. Why complicate things? I also wanted to have my ears pierced, but one step at a time…

‘Oh and Mummy?’

‘Yes dear?’

‘I need some girls clothes, can we afford it?’

‘Are you sure…oh yes, of course you are. Well, we are pretty well off now after your father’s life insurance came through and the money from the lawsuit against his company for the accident. So yes, we can easily afford a whole new wardrobe if you want it.’

‘Cool, but I would still have much preferred to have Daddy back rather than the money.’

‘I know, honey, but we have to make the best of things.’

As I was so knackeramered, I went to bed then and loved it when Mummy gave me a kiss, tucked me in and switched the light off with a, ‘sweet dreams, goodnight sweetie-pie’.

All right, I was a bit old for that, but it was nice and it gave me a squidgy feeling in my tummy.

The next morning, I was going to school and then Mummy said that she would make an appointment at the salon, for when I got out of priso…school.’

Mind you I did like school, for the learning bit anyway. I wasn’t much good at personal relationships in my hated boy mode and I had a sneaky feeling that, judging by the verbal assort by the girls as I fell through the time, space hole type continuum thingie or whatever its called, I wasn’t exactly part of the ‘in set’. That would have to change. I would be the girl who came in from the cold. The nerd who de-nerded herself, the one who the boys drooled over and the girls liked, but envied.

Who was I kidding!

I awoke the next morning to a coven of birds making an unholy racket on the roof. Being within spitting distance of the coast, seagulls liked the idea of pestering the local human population by screaming at the top of their collective voices on any handy roof, then bombing them with birds’ doo-dahs at every opportunity. Don’t let anyone persuade you that a bird dropping turdie bombs at you is a sign of good luck—it isn’t.

Anyway, this was the first morning of my real girl type life and I was going to blow away the negativity of my situation and make the most of things. What the heck I was going to say to my psychiatrist about the events of yesterday, I didn’t know. She would probably call for her nice, muscular assistants to truss me up in a straight jacket and cart me away to the funny farm, but in the mean time, I would be Tanya The Positive and get on with life and worry about problems as and when they occurred.

I jumped out of bed, had a quick wee, distractedly scratched an itchy nipple through my very pink nightie and careful wiped down my new bits with some toilet tissue to prevent any infection type nasties (sorry, too much information).

After that, I had a quick shower, using a shower cap to prevent my hair getting wet as I had no time for an extended hair drying and brushing out scenario that morning. Then I dashed back into the bedroom and quickly got dressed. It was still sort of strange that I was now wearing the girls version of the uniform with the blouse and skirt combo, but it was nice as it meant that the real me was now on show and not hidden by anything boy like, if you know what I mean.

I was just about to go downstairs, where smells of breakfast were wafting up and making me feel rather hungry and then stopped for a moment. I had had a thought.

I turned around and opened the drawer of the dresser and there it was. A junior makeup kit, unused and unwanted until now that is. It was obviously another Crimbo pressie that had not seen the light of day since it was opened. I would be changing that.

I had practiced a bit with makeup in my previous existence, normally in my bedroom, with the door closed and a chair rammed up against the handle. Of course, all schools frowned, if not banned makeup and any discretions were supposedly dealt with severely. However, most schools turned a blind eye as long as the makeup wasn’t plastered on or too obvious.

I was gambling on the fact that the school I knew from my previous existence unofficially allowed girls to wear subtle makeup. I picked up on things like that as I was a keen observer of all things feminine. That wasn’t in any sort of pervy way, I was interested in the clothes, hair, makeup and look of the girls at school, although the clothes bit didn’t really count as all the girls wore the uniform.

One thing the school was very heavy on was the school uniform look. Unlike some other schools, The hem of the skirt had to be just above the knee and the blouse had to be the exact design as laid out in the school regs. The tie had to be tied just so and be of regulation length. All this sticking to the dress code made it somewhat surprising that makeup was sort of allowed and I suppose that gave the girls a sense of individuality where they could paint their nails of have different coloured lippy, as long as it wasn’t too obvious.

I opened the makeup case and frowned. It was a cheapo case and had cheapo makeup in it. I would have to try the doe eyed look on Mummy in an attempt to get her to let me have some proper, grown up makeup.

After a few minutes, I had applied the makeup. It didn’t look too bad, but the pink lippy was a shade too pink for my liking as I liked the subtle rather than the in you face look.

I wanted to do my nails, but I didn’t really have time. I found my rucksack, it was boring black, a bit butch and not my style. That was another thing to put on my ever increasing shopping list for the á¼ber spree at the shopping centre at the weekend. I put the makeup case in the ruckie in the hope that I would have time to do my nails in the break or something.

I was having serious doubts as to whether Mummy’s car was going to be big enough for all I needed to get and thought of the possibility of getting her to hire a ten-ton truck.

I picked up my royal blue school blazer (girls cut, of course) and went downstairs, following my nose into the kitchen.

‘Hi Mummy.’ I called as she was slaving away at the hot stove.

‘Hi honey,’ she replied as she flipped the bacon expertly in the pan.

‘Breakfast will be ready in a minute.’

I glanced at the yuckie boy style watch on my wrist (note to self, add girlie watch to list).

‘Mummy, I might miss the bus.’

‘Don’t worry love, I’ll take you in the morning.’

‘Thanks Mummy.’

‘No prob. I need to see the head, anyway.’

‘Why.’

‘School governor business.’

This was seriously weird, my father had been a governor ‘over there’.

I shrugged, not wanting to get further into the strangeness of my position. If I thought too much about what had happened and what was happening now, I would go quietly around the bend. I had to be positive, except things as they are and then, when I had the time and opportunity, I would try to make sense of things. I hadn’t totally ruled out the possibility of going back to the other place somehow, even though that would mean losing my girlie bits.

I missed my Daddy and Nan.

But if I did go back I would lose Mummy…

It was all too much to think about now.

But still…

I assumed that the door of that remote cottage was some sort of gate or port into the other dimension thingie. Thinking along those lines, I might fall through it again and land up in some sort of hellhole or maybe a different time and place instead of arriving back home. I might come eye to eye with a large dinosaur with teeth and bad breath.

Did I say that I have a vivid imagination?

Anyhoo, the fact that Mummy was taking me to school, got me out of the dreaded ‘girl on the bus scenario’.

For those who are uninitiated, the school bus journey can be fraught with all sorts of nasties. Was Tannie a popular girl? Will the kids on the bus cheer or jeer when I got on? Did I have to sit all alone at the back or with another of the untouchables, or was I the kool kid who everyone wants to know and be seen with?

This event would be delayed for another day and I was pleased about that. I had a feeling that Tannie hadn’t fitted in. Judging by the fact that those girls (including Alpha Girl) didn’t seem that impressed with me when I saw them after being pitched into this universe, for lack of a better world, I would be lucky if I wasn’t bullied. Picked on and talked about.

Breakfast was nice, scrambled eggs on toast and crispy bacon, rounded off with cornflakes and a cup of tea. Soon it was over and my tummy felt pleasantly full and we made our way outside to the car and I sat in my Mums BMW type Mini. It was a nice car, but a bit limited for space. I wondered in passing, whether we would get all the bags of clothes from the mega shop, in the boot or on the back seat, but I had other things to worry about now.

We drove to the school through the narrow winding Cornish country lanes. Up and down hills and past the ever changing pretty scenery; where we could see it through the gaps in the hedges, that is.

Soon we were closer to the town and the traffic got a bit more intense. The school was on the outskirts of the town and had lots of playing fields, tennis courts and other sweat inducing areas where the young men and women of the school could run about and get knackered. I had never been all that keen on sports. There was a place for it, but that place wasn’t with me.

As we drove through the gates, I looked down at my skirt. I never knew that I would actually be wearing a skirt to school. I had dreamed of it, of course, but here I was, in effect, ordered to wear a skirt, as that was part of the rules for girls, just as boys had to wear trousers.

‘Penny for them?’

‘Sorry Mummy?’

‘Penny for your thoughts?’

‘I don’t know. I just hope that I can fit in.’

‘Of course you will. You have done before and this is no different. Just be yourself.’

‘I’m sure that other kids hate me for being different.’

‘I know that you have had issues with some of the children and a few of the teachers; maybe because that you acted more like a boy than a girl on occasion, but I am sure that things will be OK in the end.’

‘Because I am more like a girl now?’

‘No…yes…perhaps. Look, I have supported you as much as I could and I don’t know how genuine this change of heart regarding the gender issue is…’

‘It is genuine Mummy.’

‘Well, let’s see how you get on shall we? Whatever you decide, I will try to give you as much help ands support as I can.’

‘Thanks Mummy,’ I said as we pulled up, ‘I love you.’

‘Me to, you,’ she replied smiling.

I kissed her goodbye, something no normal kid would be seen dead doing, but I had just found her again and I wanted as much loving contact as possible and to hell with the protocols.

‘I’ll pick you up this afternoon if you like?’

‘No, that’s okay, I’ll take the bus.’

I had to start the bus thing sometime and at least I would be home soon enough if things went pear shaped.

‘Bye.’ I called as I let myself out and followed the other kids into school.

I was immediately aware of the stares and the whispers, but I tried to ignore them as I made my way to my registration room, where erm, registration takes place. The previous night, I had found the timetable in the pocket of my ruckie and it was uncanny that almost all my lessons were the same as when I was in pseudo-boy mode. Except games for the girls were different—netball instead of cricket in the summer, hockey instead of football in the winter; and we did home economics instead of woodwork. Old fashioned and sexist, I know, but our school was that way inclined.

As I walked into reg class, I saw that most of the seats were taken. I had always sat at the back, in the corner and I automatically made my way there without looking at anyone in particular. The whispers were deafening to my over sensitive ears and I had a sneaky feeling that I was the subject.

Most of the faces, I knew, but there were a few that I did not recognise. Perhaps this world wasn’t a carbon copy of the one that I had just left. My heart sort of sank when Alpha Girl and her cohorts strolled in as if they owned the place and sat down just in front of me. As she took her seat, Alpha Girl, glanced at me, looked away and then her eyes swivelled back at me and went wide. She may have noticed that I looked slightly different from the last time I saw her. Yes, I was wearing the same uniform, but my hair was more styled and I was wearing makeup, a thing that Tannie would have no doubt died rather than do.

She sort of smiled at me uncertainly and then sat down. The others with her didn’t deign to look at me and that was okay by me as I wasn’t the sort of girl who liked to be stared at.

Miss Busby walked in and everything went quiet. You didn’t mess with Miss Busby. Even the boys in the class were scared of her. She was one of those rare breed of teachers who had natural authority. She didn’t physically assault anyone, even if it was allowed. Her forte was being able to verbally assault her victim and bring them to tears with a very few, well chosen words, without the need for abuse, swearing or other battering-ram tactics…

She went down to the front, opened the register and then started calling our names in the time honoured alphabetical order.

‘John Adams?’

‘Miss.’

‘Alicia Bennett?’

‘Miss.’

I sort of zoned out for a moment and then was brought back when I heard another name and Alpha Girl replying.

‘Phillipa Ponsonby?’

‘Miss,’

Phillipa Ponsonby, now that was a bit of a mouth full. At least I knew her name now…

‘Tanya Tucker?’

‘Tanya Tucker!’

‘Ooh, that’s me, erm, yes Miss.’

‘Glad to have you with us, Miss Tucker; sorry to have disturbed you. Michael Verity?’

‘Yea Miss.’

‘What?’

‘Sorry, yes Miss.’

After the name call, Miss Busby did the usual thing about school notices, you know the usual stuff, don’t run in the corridors, the theatrical group having auditions, blah,de,blah,de,blah…

The bell went and we all stood up to go. Phillipa Ponsonby turned to me and hissed, ‘meet me behind the bike sheds at break. Be there or else.’ and then, nose in the air, she left my presence with her comets trailing behind her.

I was one of the last ones to leave, as I was at the back and there had been a bit of a stampede for the exit at the sound of the bell.

‘Tanya.’

I looked up at Miss Busby. She was looking at me.

‘Have you got a moment?’

I went up to her desk as she rifled through some papers and then looked up.

‘Don’t worry; I’ll give you a hall pass. Sit down please.’

I sat down at a desk near the front as she finished doing the paper-shuffling thing. I wondered what I had done wrong. Surely she wouldn’t hang, draw and quarter me for not answering my name in good time in registration? She was hard, but not that hard.

Maybe Tannie had done something really terrible and I was going to be punished for it. Lets face it; I had no idea how Tannie behaved at school. I never got into trouble at school. I was a goodie two shoes and liked it that way. I even gave one of my teachers a shiny apple once…

‘Tanya, you seemed a bit distracted earlier.’

‘Sorry Miss, it won’t happen again.’

‘It had better not.’

She seemed to hesitate and then continued.

‘You look…different today.’

‘Do I?’

‘Yes, your hair is styled and your appearance more fitting for a young lady. The makeup, although subtle, is nice, although, as you know it is banned at school. If I had my way…well never mind that now. What I want to know is; where is the child who came to me last week in tears saying that she was a boy trapped in a girl’s body? Have you been bullied into looking more feminine? Is your mother responsible for this? Or have you somehow changed your mind? I am waiting Tanya.’

Please leave comments and kudo thingies...thanks! ~Sue

‘The next morning I awoke not knowing where or even who I was.

Then I remembered...

by

Susan Brown

Previously from Chapter 4…

The shock was wearing off now and I was getting more used to being in a boys body. It was strange that I was ultra-aware that I now had boys’ genitals. I could feel them when I walked and sat and even lying in the bed, I was always aware of them. No doubt, in time that would change and I would just treat them as a normal part of my body, but for now, it was all new and rather exciting.

I wondered how things were going with Tanya over the other side. Was she experiencing changes that she never thought she would? Things were so different now for both of us.

It would be my first day at school tomorrow as a real boy. How would I be treated and would the bullies like those that I had encountered earlier be there and try to hurt me.

Tanya would have similar problems and I hoped that she fitted in okay.

One thing was sure; I would not let anyone stop me being who I really was—a boy.

And now the story continues…

The next morning I awoke not knowing where or even who I was.

Then I remembered.

For a moment, I wondered if it had all been a dream and that I was still physically a girl, but then I realised from the feeling I had ‘down there’, that the equipment I now had was definitely of the boy variety.

It was strange, I never realised that boys bits would feel like that. Every time I walked, sat down or moved my legs in any way, I was aware of them. I wondered, once I got used to them, whether I would eventually not think of them as something different to what I had been used to.

I looked at the bedside clock. It was time for me to get up for school.

I was dreading it, to be honest. How had Tommy or maybe Tannie been at school? Was she liked, hated, ignored, ridiculed? She, in her male guise had obviously been different. Those boys, what were their names, oh yea, Mike Furbin and Tony Hart, had tried to intimidate and bully me as I fell through the doorway into this dimension or whatever it was called.

I had a feeling that life might be tough for me at first, but I was a boy and I would take it on the chin, probably literally!

Looking at the clock again, I realised that I had to get a move on, or I would be late for school.

My boys’ uniform was on a hanger waiting for me but I had to use the loo first and have a shower. I did it as quickly as I could, but made sure that my hair stayed dry, as I didn’t want to have to dry it. At the earliest opportunity, I would have a haircut and I wondered, not for the first time why s(he) hadn’t had it cut if s(he) wasn’t very feminine.

I shrugged as there was no way of knowing the answer.

I found a black scrunchie amongst all the pink yellow and other rainbow coloured ones and put my hair in a low ponytail.

After pulling up my boys underpants (yippee!), which gave a bit of support to my manly equipment, and putting on my boys socks, shirt and trousers (more yipees!), I looked at myself in the mirror.

Yup, I was definitely in boy mode. Okay, I wasn’t exactly He-man material and I looked a trifle nurdish, but I was a boy and as far as I was concerned, that was the way I wanted to look.

‘Tommy, breakfast is ready!’ called out Nan.

‘Coming,’

I went downstairs and sat at the breakfast bar and scoffed down my breakfast which comprised of cornflakes, followed by toast, O.J. and tea.

I looked up and saw my dad and nan staring at me.

‘What?’ I asked.

‘Since when have you eaten like a pig at a trough?’ asked Dad, his eyebrows raised.

‘Erm, I was hungry.’

‘You normally eat like a sparrow.’

‘Well now I’m eating like a erm…’

‘Pig?’

‘No, a boy who needs food to help him grow up quickly.’

‘Not a girl?’

‘No, a boy.’

‘But…oh never mind, I’ll let your shrink sort you out. I haven’t got time for this. If you are ready, I’ll give you lift to school.’

‘Cool, Dad.’

Nan had her back to us, washing dishes. Her shoulders were heaving and I wondered in passing if she was laughing, but I had no more time so I picked up my rucksack and school blazer, I followed Dad out with a cheery ‘bye,’

‘Don’t I get a kiss?’

‘Sorry Nan,’ I replied and then turned back to peck her on the cheek.

She looked at me with a piercing erm, look.

‘Are you winding us up?’ she asked.

‘What do you mean?’

‘All this I am a ‘big manly’ boy nonsense.’

‘No it isn’t a joke.’

‘So, this is the boy who asked me if I liked the dress you bought the other day?’

‘Yes, it’s me. I can’t explain it. I just need to do my thing Nan.’

‘Mmm, don’t hurt you dad. He has a lot to cope with at the moment and the last thing he needs is you messing with his head.’

‘I can’t help what I feel…’

‘Tan…I mean Tommy, are you ready?’ shouted Dad from outside.

‘Coming,’ I called and then turned back to Nan, ‘look Nan, I’ll tell you more after school. I wouldn’t hurt Dad for the world, you know that, but I need to explore who and what I am. ‘

With that, I ran out to the car and we were soon on the way to school.

As we went through the winding lanes, Dad and I didn’t say much. He was no doubt wondering what was going on and I was in a bit of a funk about the coming school ordeal.

It was all get a bit much for me. Despite the promises I made to myself that I would accept my situation and make the most of it, I was still in shock as to what had happened and the extreme changes to my life and the people that I loved.

Before I knew it, we had arrived at school. There were only a few people around as it was still early and the reason why I had to be there at an ungodly hour was that Dad had to be at work for a meeting.

I grabbed my ruckie and turned to Dad.

‘See you later.’

He looked at me and I could see the confusion on his face. Leaning over, I impulsively kissed him on the cheek.

I might be a boy, but I was a loving boy who had just got my dad back.

‘Don’t worry Dad; I’m not mad. We’ll talk after school.’

I smiled and then got out. Standing there for a moment, I saw him go off to work and I wondered what he was thinking. Then, I dismissed it from my mind as I was unceremoniously pushed over from the back.

I was on my feet in seconds and there they were, the two evil boys who had tried to thump me the day before—Mike Furbin and Tony Hart.

‘Well, sissy boy, you caught us by surprise yesterday and no nancy like you is going to get away with that.’

The other one, who looked like some sort of side kick, without the brains to connect two syllables just smirked and said, ‘ Mike, lets do him now.’

Now, I could have left it there, but I didn’t want those animals hounding me all day and making my life a misery, so I took the initiative.

‘You shouldn’t have pushed me,’ I said.

‘Why, girlie-boy?’ asked Furbin whilst Hart cracked his knuckles. ‘gonna hit us with your girlie rucksack?’

I didn’t wait for any more. I wasn’t a violent person, but these characters had to be dealt with and now.

I punched Furbin on the nose and as Hart came up I kneed him in the groin.

They both went down like sacks of potatoes and I just walked past them and went into school. leaving them whimpering behind me

A few boys had been kicking a football in the playground and had stopped to see what was going on.

‘Blimey Tommy, what’s got into you?’ asked one of the boys who came up to me.

I instantly recognised him as Anthony Trollope, a nice boy who, in my other existence, had a crush on me; which was silly really as we were far too young and anyway, I wasn’t into boys and still wasn’t. Unfortunately, even at his age, he was.

‘They were hassling me.’

‘You seem different.’

‘I am.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I won’t be pushed around or called names.’

‘Last week you cried when you broke a nail.’

‘This week is different, my nails can look after themselves.’

‘Two days ago you got stroppy when you forgot to bring conditioner with your scented shower gel and shampoo for after games.’

‘I’ll make do with manly shower gel now.’

‘Yesterday you complained to a teacher that siting by the window would ruin your complexion and turn your face all pruney.’

‘A suntan is cool and a few lines won’t harm me.’

‘You seem different.’

‘I am.’

‘Why?’

‘Because…look I can’t explain it Anthony, but I need to try being more of a boy.’

‘Cool.’

‘That doesn’t mean I like boys that way. Look, I am a bit confused about this boy/girl thing and I need to find out what I want to be, you know?’

‘My mum and dad say that sort of thing to me. ‘You’re too young to think that you are gay, Anthony’. What do they know.’

By this time we had walked into the school. I had ignored the stares as we walked across the playground. There still weren’t that many people around, but I knew that the school grapevine would send out the message that I had done nasty things to Furbin and Hart and I hoped that would mean that others would not try to do anything to me. I wondered if anyone videoed the action and even now had posted it on YouTube or Facebook.

I managed to get rid of Anthony by telling him that I had to use the toilet. Even then he complained about that as, instead of using the disabled toilet, I went to the boys one. I got the impression that Tannie had used the disabled one because she wasn’t allowed in the girls one and as far as she was concerned, the boys toilet was not an option.

As I walked in, there were a few other boys standing at the urinals. I nearly went into a stall, as before, with my girls’ equipment, I had no option; but I grinned slightly as I decided to go to a spare urinal and did my stuff standing up.

After finishing, I went to wash my hands and noted that the other boys hadn’t bothered to do that. To be honest, I found that a bit gross. I might be a boy, but at least I was a clean boy and my hands weren’t going to be covered in germs.

I had already looked at the timetable before leaving for school and I had noticed that all the lessons were the same as what I was used too. With exception to games which instead of netball or tennis, was cricket or tennis. As the word tennis was underlined, I realised that like me, Tannie wasn’t into team sports and I could understand that, as it appeared that neither of us fitted in with the team thing. Not that I was that much good at tennis, but I did try, so that was something.

Anyway, tennis wasn’t until next week, so I would worry about how good or bad I was in this time/space thingie then.

The bell went and I could hear the stampeding wildebeests outside and I went to join the throng, for now, it was time for registration—what joy.

I went to my usual seat, not looking at anyone. Was it my imagination or was there a sort of hush in the room as I walked in?

I went to my usual seat at the back, in the corner and as no one screamed and shouted, I assumed that this was Tannie’s, as well.

Shortly after I took my seat, Furbin walked in with a handkerchief held over his nose. Hart followed him, walking with a limp and with his legs looking slightly bandy. They glanced at me and then, as one, scowled.

They both took their seats, with Hart sitting down rather gingerly.

Just then even the hushed whispers stopped as Miss Busby strode in, her severe, sensible shoes, clip clopping as she went to the front and sat at her desk. Miss Busby was A Disciplinarian. She did not suffer fools, idiots, malcontents or disruptions gladly and thought nothing of dishing out detentions like confetti.

As she read out the names on the register, I was slightly distracted as I tried to work out if this Miss Busby was exactly the same as the one in my dimension and I wondered as she spoke if there were so many hairs on her top lip…

‘Mr Tucker, are you with us?’

I jumped at the sound of my name.

‘Sorry; here Miss.’

Her laser beam eyes dwelled on me for a moment and then passed on to the next person on the register.

When she finished, she closed the register and looked around, her eyes stopping at Furbin and Hart.

‘Mr Furbin, what have you done to your nose?’

‘Fell over Biss,’ he replied rather nasally.

‘You had better see nurse then after registration.’

She didn’t sound all that sympathetic; perhaps if he had lost a limb, she might have, but I wouldn’t put a bet on it.

I had a secret smile at Furbin and Hart’s obvious discomfort. I hoped that they had learnt a lesson and wouldn’t try anything else against me, but being as thick as two short planks, I had a sneaky feeling that they would be back for more and that I would have to watch my back.

The bell went and everyone stood up to go to lessons. My first lesson was history, not a subject I liked, but it was at least better than maths. As we filed out, Miss Busby called out.

‘Mr Tucker, a moment.’

I turned back and she motioned for me to sit at a desk for a moment whilst everyone else left.

I wondered what I had done wrong, or maybe Tannie had done something before I sort of occupied her body. Lets face it; she could have been a mass murderer for all I knew.

Miss Busby marked a few papers and then when all was quiet, she put her pen down and looked up at me.

‘Tommy,’ she said in a surprisingly gentle voice, ‘are you well, you seem distracted today.’

‘I’m fine Miss.’

‘I’m not stupid. I have heard rumours that you had a fight with Hart and Furbin. Are they bullying you again?’

‘No Miss, they erm, wanted too, but I wouldn’t let them.’

She stared at me for a moment and then continued rather hesitantly.

‘You know that your mother was my best friend?’

I looked at her with surprise.

‘No, I didn’t.’

‘You were probably too young when she died to remember much, but I promised her that I would look out for you and in my quiet way, I have. However, as a teacher I do not approve of favouritism and so, whilst you have coped with the problems that you have regarding your identity, I have not interfered, but I can see that you are confused and might need my help at some stage. If you feel that you need any assistance, ring me at home.’

‘Here is a hall pass and note for your teacher, off you go and remember, I am here for you.’

I looked into her eyes and wondered. Did she know more than she was letting on?

With a smile that was warmer than I had ever seen on her face, she gave me a card with her address and phone number. I didn’t know what to say.

‘Off you go Tommy,’

I took the slip of paper and after thanking her; I left to go to the next class.

~*~

The rest of the morning was much as it had been in my other existence and disturbingly, the teachers were all the same ones. Strangely, a few of the kids I did not recognise and some who I thought would be there, weren’t.

I had a pack lunch and I found myself in my favourite spot under one of the trees where there was a wooden bench. I looked to the side of one of the planks forming the bench, expecting to find my initials carved there. I had only done that about a month before.

There were no initials.

I sat eating my sandwich, looking inward and wondering about Miss Busby and the subtle differences in this world to the one I knew, when I looked up and with some surprise, I saw a smiling Charlotte Rhodes.

Charlotte was one of the popular girls in my world and had little to do with me, a social outcast. She was devastatingly pretty even at the tender age of twelve. Older boys and a few even at my age had wanted to be her boy friend, but she was a no go area as far as boys were concerned. Her parents were strict and religious and wouldn’t let her do anything and probably wouldn’t until she was eighteen, at least.

‘Hi Tammie, how are you?’

Tammie, why is she calling me that?

‘Don’t you mean Tommy?’

She looked around and then sat down beside me.

‘What do you mean Tommy; since when have you been Tommy to me?’

I didn’t know what to say. What was going on here?

‘Look Tammie, we both know that you are a girl inside and that we are BFF’s. It’s not one of your silly jokes is it?'

Things were starting to get complicated!

Please leave comments and kudo thingies...thanks! ~Sue

The one thing about being a girl is that it’s okay to cry. In boy mode, it was nothing less than high treason to show any sort of emotion and crying was just about the worse thing...

by

Susan Brown

Previously from Chapter 5…

I looked up at Miss Busby. She was looking at me.

‘Have you got a moment?’

I went up to her desk as she rifled through some papers and then looked up.

‘Don’t worry; I’ll give you a hall pass. Sit down please.’

I sat down at a desk near the front as she finished doing the paper-shuffling thing. I wondered what I had done wrong. Surely she wouldn’t hang, draw and quarter me for not answering my name in good time in registration? She was hard, but not that hard.

Maybe Tannie had done something really terrible and I was going to be punished for it. Lets face it; I had no idea how Tannie behaved at school. I never got into trouble at school. I was a goodie two shoes and liked it that way. I even gave one of my teachers a shiny apple once…

‘Tanya, you seemed a bit distracted earlier.’

‘Sorry Miss, it won’t happen again.’

‘It had better not.’

She seemed to hesitate and then continued.

‘You look…different today.’

‘Do I?’

‘Yes, your hair is styled and your appearance more fitting for a young lady. The makeup, although subtle, is nice, although, as you know it is banned at school. If I had my way…well never mind that now. What I want to know is; where is the child who came to me last week in tears saying that she was a boy trapped in a girl’s body? Have you been bullied into looking more feminine? Is your mother responsible for this? Or have you somehow changed your mind? I am waiting Tanya.’

And now the story continues…

The one thing about being a girl is that it’s okay to cry. In boy mode, it was nothing less than high treason to show any sort of emotion and crying was just about the worse thing; but I was an official, card carrying girl and if I wanted to open the taps and leak tears, then that was not a problem.

‘Here,’ said Miss Busby, handing me a tissue.

I carefully dabbed my eyes, trying to avoid the dreaded panda look.

After a moment, I pulled my act together and did some quick thinking. The last thing I wanted to say was that I was a being from a different world where I was once a boy who wanted to be a girl and now, by a twist of fate I was a real girl who actually wanted to be a girl.

Confusing ain’t it?

I looked up and noticed that she had lost that severe, school ma’am type look and now had a kindly compassionate look on her face.

I nearly started blubbing again.

Pulling myself together and thinking quickly, I got my story into some semblance of order and attempted to answer her question.

‘I…I think that trying to be a boy was a mistake.’

‘Why do you say that, you were pretty convincing before, in your argument that you was a boy in a girls body?’

‘I…I think that I haven’t really tried to be a girl. Ever since I was young, I’ve been convinced that I was a gir…I mean boy. I haven’t really given being a girl a chance. I know that it’s a bit step to take, changing my gender and there would be a lot of people who just wouldn’t accept me for who I was if I did change to living as a boy and having operations. I want to give being a girl a try, just to see if I think that it’s right for me. Do you understand what I mean?’

She looked at me a moment with a slightly puzzled look on her face.

‘I think I understand. But it is strange, it’s as if it’s a totally different Tanya sitting there in front of me. Before, I could see the male side of you, but now, you seem all girl. You know that you can always come to me, don’t you?’

‘Yes Miss,’ I replied doubtfully.

She looked at me again and looked thoughtful.

‘Has your mother ever mentioned me?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Well, it’s no real secret; I was once sweet on your father when we were all undergrads at university. Nothing came of it and I only went out with your father twice. I moved on to someone else and you dad found your mother. The rest, as they say, is history. Your mum and I sometime reminisce about the old days. Anyway, we do have a connection, you and I, through your parents and the respect that I had for both of them and still have for your mum, who has had to put up with a lot.’

‘I didn’t know.’

‘No, probably not as I would not like to show favouritism and I think that your mother feels the same. I still will not show any sort of favouritism in class as that would be unfair on you and also the others in your year, but privately, you can always come to see me if you have any personal issues that you would like to discuss.

‘Thank you Miss.’ I said and I meant it.

‘Right, off you go and take this slip for your next teacher.’

She handed me a hall pass with a note explaining why I was late.

‘Thanks Miss.’

‘Okay, off you go then,’ she replied with a smile.

As I walked the lonely corridors to my next lesson I pondered about what Miss Busby had told me. I had no idea that she and my mum and dad had a past. Maybe Mum had mentioned it to Tannie, but I had a feeling that she hadn’t.

‘Anyway,’ I thought, ‘enough of that, lets try to get through today without any more problems,’

The next lesson was geography and it was all a bit creepy. Firstly, when I knocked on the door and went in, all heads turned. So much for blending in and staying in the background.

Mr Davis looked around from the board as I walked up and gave him the note from Miss Busby. Mr Davis was the geography teacher in my other existence. I liked him; he was sweet and funny.

‘All right Tanya, go and sit down,’ he said with a smile. Maybe I was teachers pet; that sounded cool and I could live with that.

I did as I was asked and tried to avoid everyone’s stare. I wondered in passing if I had two heads, or worse, my skirt was tucked into my panties. Without thinking, I went to the back of the class, by the wall and sat down at the desk. It was obvious to me that Tannie had the same idea as me in as much as, where possible we would sit at the back, out of the way and hopefully, out of trouble.

There seemed to be this sort of tenuous link between Tannie and myself. It was not on a conscious level, but more a feeling as if we were attached subconsciously by some sort of invisible cord and maybe knew parts of our previous lives, if you know what I mean.

I had no idea what was going on ‘over there’ and I wondered if she, now he was coping as well as I thought I was. I hoped so, as we were siblings of sorts with a super strong bond that crossed the divide for lack of a better term.

I was trying to concentrate on what Mr Davis was talking about. He was discussing with the class the geology of Cornwall, granite formations and erosion. I smiled as another weird thing was happening here. I had covered that already, about three weeks before and I had received an A+ for my homework assignment. It wasn’t so creepy that he was saying exactly the same words as he had in my previous lesson, but it was close enough for me to feel goose bumps running up and down my spine.

I was aware that I was being looked at by more than a few kids, both boys and girls and I wondered why. Then I realised without really thinking about it that I probably looked a bit different. My hair wasn’t in a low ponytail, but hung loose around my shoulders and I was wearing makeup, something I assumed that Tannie would have died rather than do.

It’s funny how different people look with a change of hair style and makeup. I assumed that for the first time I looked like who and what I was—a girl and not a girl pretending to be a boy.

Eventually the bell went and there was a mass exodus from the class.

Phillipa Ponsonby turned to me and hissed (she did like hissing), ‘remember behind the bike sheds, ten minutes,’ and then left without waiting for a reply.

I put my books into my non-cool, black boring ruckie and stood up…

‘Hi Tannie, you look nice today.’

I looked up and there was a thin, pretty girl with glasses. The name popped into my head, which was strange, as I had never seen her in my life.

‘Hi, Sophie, do you think so? I’m going for a new look.’

She hesitated for a moment and then spoke.

‘It’s a very erm, girlie look.’

‘Mmm, nice isn’t it, but I need to go to the salon and get my hair cut properly. I have terminal split ends. Oh and I didn’t have time to do my nail polish today. Still, I’ll be more organised tomorrow.’

Sophie looked around. We were alone.

‘Tannie…’

‘Tanya please, I’m getting bored with being called Tannie.’

‘Riiight, Tanya, erm, is this a wind up?’

‘Is what a wind up?’

‘You looking so, erm, girlie.’

‘I am.’

‘You’ve always said that you was a boy in disguise.’

‘That was then, now it’s just little me, Tanya, all girl, no boy.’

‘I don’t understand.’

I sighed, wondering how many times that I was going to have to give an explanation of my apparent changes.

‘Look Sophie, I can’t explain it too well, but I’ve decided that I want to try being a proper girl. All my life I have thought that I was a boy and I now think that before I do anything radical, I would try out being a girl and see how I find it. Sort of an experiment.’

‘What does your mum think?’

‘That I’m cuckoo, but like always, she supports me.’

‘Have you seen your therapist about it?’

‘Not yet, but I think that she will approve as she always says that I am too young to make my mind up properly. I’ll be seeing her in a few days so I’ll find out then. Look, I’m in a rush as Phillipa Ponsonby wants to talk to me about something.’

‘But you hate her.’

‘Maybe, but I need to find out what’s up with her. See you later.’

With that, I left her before she asked any more awkward questions and went to find the Ponsonby girl.

It still seemed strange to walk about the school with a skirt flapping around my legs and hair that was waving about in the wind and getting into my eyes, but it was very nice strange and I loved it. If I had worn this uniform and had my hair looking like this over the other side, I would have been laughed at and probably bullied to within an inch of my life.

To be honest the wind was getting on my nerves a bit with the hair in the face thing. I reached into my jacket pocket, pulled out a pink scrunchie that I had found at home in a drawer and put into my pocket prior to leaving and then I quickly pulled back my hair from sides and then scrunchiefied it in a high ponytail. Preppie or what?

Once again, I saw the looks that people were giving me as I made my way across the playground to wear the bike sheds were.

‘Hi Tannie,’ said a boy smiling shyly as I passed. He looked about my age but covered in freckles and the reddest hair that I had ever seen.

‘Hi Mark,’ I replied, not knowing how I knew his name a, like Sophie, I had never laid eyes on him before. This was all getting seriously freaky, ‘I like Tanya better. Erm, see you later?’

‘Cool,’ he replied with a grin. Was he sweet on me? I was too young for boys, but he was quite cute in a dorky kind of way.

I hurried on and then went around the back of the bike shed.

Phillipa was standing there with a clutch of cronies. They all looked like they were clones of each other with the same hairstyles and even similar lipstick —bubble-gum pink.

Then I shuddered slightly as I realised that I looked just like them, up to including bubble-gum, pink lippy.

Ah well, go with the flow.

‘Well,’ she said?

‘What?’ I replied.

‘Will you play?’

‘Play what?’

‘Netball, remember the conversation that we had yesterday?’

Was it only yesterday? It seemed like a lifetime away.

‘I’m no good,’ I said.

‘Yes you are. We saw you at the trial. So will you be in the squad and represent the school if asked?’

She made it sound like I was in the army and was being asked to undertake a dangerous mission over enemy lines.

I shrugged.

‘Okay.’

She continued as if I had not spoken.

‘All this boy nonsense has to stop. You have to think of others in this. You are showing us up and ¬ ¬—hang on, did you say that you will play?’

‘Yes, if it makes you happy. Anyway, this boy nonsense as you call it has stopped. Being boy like was getting boring, I want to be a girl now and I want to look pretty just like you.’

I beamed at her. Who said that I couldn’t suck up?

The girls behind Phillipa gasped as one. I wondered if they were attached by cables, strings or something. Maybe they should try synchronised swimming. Their coordination was inhuman or is that unhuman?

She looked at me and actually put her hand on my forehead.

‘Are you sick, ill, or something?’

‘No, why?’

‘Only last week you were told off in class for picking your nose and making rude noises from your bottom.’

‘That was the old me.’

‘And you don’t wear boys clothes out of school now?’

‘Nope, all girlie stuff, blouses, skirts, dresses, boot cut jeans if I have to.’

‘I didn’t know that you had many girls clothes.’

‘I don’t but Mummy is going to take me shopping at the weekend and then I’m going to the salon—I’m so like, excited!’

‘Mummy, not Mum?’

‘What’s wrong with that?’

‘Nothing, erm, right well, I’ll tell Mrs Clark the gym teacher that you are in the squad.’

‘Okay, thanks. Nice hair, by the way, new conditioner?’

She felt her blond hair and smiled.

‘Yes, it makes my hair feel soft and look shiny.’

‘Cool, anyway, got to go, things to do and all that.’

I gave them a thousand megawatt smile and left them looking slightly stunned.

I wasn’t as girlie, girlie as I made out to Phillipa and her friends, but it did no harm to keep them off balance.

Smiling, I went to the library picked out a certain book and went and sat in a corner, out of the way. The next period was a self-study one, where kids were supposed to review their homework and make notes about future lessons and any questions they wanted to ask the teachers. A weird and wacky idea and one that was being trialled at our school and one other before being rolled out to other schools in our area.

Of course, for most kids, it was just a get out of class free ticket and they did no real work, but I did, and being a semi-nerd, actually liked studying. But today, I had another motive for being in the library rather than outside in the sunshine.

I opened the book and searched for what I was looking for. It was a book about Cornwall and specifically about the history of our area. I strongly believed that the cottage on Treusva Common was the key to all that had happened to me and I wanted to know a bit more about it. The name of the cottage, I remembered from a plaque on the wall, was Bryony Cottage.

After searching through the book and trying not to get a case of terminal boredom due to the dry, boring tone of the book, my eyes opened wide when I saw a reference to Treusva Common:

Treusva Common has been long associated with the mystical past of Cornwall. For many, it was the area, after Stonehenge that had the deepest spiritual significance. Arial surveys have discovered evidence of a stone circle similar to that of Stonehenge.

The Michael and Mary Earth Energy Lines are meandering tidal waves of vibrational energy, which are dynamic, evolutionary and are the life blood of our planet. They have been called many names such as Dragon, Serpent Lines etc., but are now known as The Michael and Mary Lines. They respond to celestial events - time of day, phases of the moon, Sun, Kosmos etc. and move about slightly - like a Dragons tail. We interact with them on a subtle level and likewise contribute our energies to them.
(Copyright, Anthony J. Kennish)

There was more of the same, but no actual reference to Bryony Cottage, although there was a map included with the book that made the common smack in the middle of this line thingie:

The bell went for lunch and I closed the book. I had wanted to take the book out, but it was in the reference section and we were not allowed to take those books out of the library. At least I could come back at a later date and have another look at it.

The rest of the day went sort of normally, or as normally as it could be for me in my current situation. I tried to avoid people, as I didn’t quite know who was my friend and who was my foe. I think that the other kids didn’t know what to make of me and I think that I freaked out more than one girl as I reapplied some makeup in the girls loo!

Mind you, one or two girls actually smiled nervously at me in there and I had a feeling that that was a rare occurrence with Tannie.

Sophie collard me at lunchtime and we found a quiet table to eat our lunch. I could tell that Sophie was dying to know why I had changed so radically. I just gave her the same excuses as I had to other people and she took it at face value. What I did learn was that I had few friends at school and Sophie was about the closest friend that I had.

She was a nice girl with a good sense of humour. Why she liked Tannie, I wasn’t sure, but I think that it was because, like Tannie, she loved schoolwork and was eager to make the most of her education. She was considered to be an odd ball for liking and enjoying learning and came over as a ‘teachers pet’, which was, like schools all over the world, not a good.

She came over as someone who wouldn’t judge a person purely based on gender choices or any other prejudice, for that matter. She was a nice girl and in the short time that I had known her, I considered her to be a good friend.

As far as I was concerned, I believed that Tannie wasn’t liked because of her rejection of girlhood and her or maybe I should say his, insistence that for many years he was a boy. All rejections of anything remotely resembling feminine hardly helped him make friends.

Finally, the day finished and I found myself on the bus with Sophie. Some boys were mucking about at the back of the bus and the driver had a few strong words to say and that quietened them down a bit. When they weren’t on their phones texting, the girls looked scornfully at the boys as they acted stupidly. I was secretly pleased that their scorn wasn’t directed at me.

Slowly the bus emptied and then it was only Sophie, me and one boy left on the bus. I didn’t recognise the boy, but he was about fourteen, covered in acne, with greasy hair, none too clean uniform and was one of those who had been mucking about at the back of the bus.

He was the sort of over-muscled boy who would have bullied me ‘over there’ and I was now glad that I was a real girl. He did not seemed that interested in ‘little girls’ like us and the warped code that some bully-like him boys had was that small boys were okay to pummel to death, but girls were ‘untouchables’ and that, I think, gave us sort some sort of immunity. Of course, Sophie and I were giggling a lot about nothing in particular and he thought that the giggles were aimed at him.

Finally he got up and went to the front of the bus and then got off; not before shouting back at us, ‘Stupid girls.’

Of course, that set us off giggling again.

Five minutes later Sophie and I got off the bus. Sophie went one way and I went another. But not before we had a quick hug.

‘I like the new Tanya,’ she said.

‘Why?’ I asked.

‘Because you seem a lot happier.’

‘Maybe I am.’ I said as gave her a wave and made my way home.

I was happier now than I had been that morning before school. I had survived my first day at school as a real girl and was making inroads as to what was going on and the strange things that had happened to me. I was convinced that the book I read in the library held the key to my swapping bodies with Tannie and I wanted to find out if there was any way that I could communicate with her. My thoughts were along the line that if we crossed over at Bryony Cottage, it might be some sort of gateway where we can actually communicate and maybe find out what was happening to each other.

I was desperate to know that my dad was alive somewhere and that my nan was healthy and strong over there too.

I went up the lane and opened the gate to the cottage. I smiled as I opened the door.

‘Mummy, I’m home.’ I called out happily.

There was no answer. Going into the kitchen, I grabbed a glass and went straight to the fridge, taking out a bottle of milk, I poured myself some and took a sip.

I went to sit at the kitchen table. There was a note on it. Picking it up I read:

Tried to get you on your mobile, but I couldn’t get through. Your nan has had another stroke. I’m going the hospital now. Order a taxi and come as soon as possible.

Love Mum

Please leave comments and kudo thingies...thanks! ~Sue

Charlotte sat down, opened her lunch box, and with carefully manicured hands and perfectly painted fingernails, she picked out a dainty sandwich with an equally dainty finger and thumb and then looked at me.

‘Well Tannie?

by

Susan Brown

Previously from Chapter 6…

I sat eating my sandwich, looking inward and wondering about Miss Busby and the subtle differences in this world to the one I knew, when I looked up and with some surprise, I saw a smiling Charlotte Rhodes.

Charlotte was one of the popular girls in my world and had little to do with me, a social outcast. She was devastatingly pretty even at the tender age of twelve. Older boys and a few even at my age had wanted to be her boy friend, but she was a no go area as far as boys were concerned. Her parents were strict and religious and wouldn’t let her do anything and probably wouldn’t until she was eighteen, at least.

‘Hi Tammie, how are you?’

Tammie, why is she calling me that?

‘Don’t you mean Tommy?’

She looked around and then sat down beside me.

‘What do you mean Tommy; since when have you been Tommy to me?’

I didn’t know what to say. What was going on here?

‘Look Tammie, we both know that you are a girl inside and that we are BFF’s. It’s not one of your silly jokes is it?'

Things were starting to get complicated!

And now the story continues…

Charlotte sat down, opened her lunch box, and with carefully manicured hands and perfectly painted fingernails, she picked out a dainty sandwich with an equally dainty finger and thumb and then looked at me.

‘Well Tannie?

What could I say; that I was a being from another dimension and that I had fallen through some sort of time/space whatsit and wasn’t really the person she thought that I was?

‘Look Charlotte, things have changed.’

‘What do you mean?’ she asked, nibbling delicately at her sandwich.

‘I…I thought that I was a girl, I know and I have tried hard to be a girl, but things are going on in my head that I can’t understand and I need to sort out who and what I am.’

‘I don’t understand.’

‘Neither do I. Look, I have thought for ages that I am a girl, right?’

‘Yes, you are more girlie than me, and that’s saying something.’

‘Well, I’m beginning to think that I’m wrong and I have to try to be a boy for a while to see if I am wrong. My shrink thinks that I should start to take blockers soon, so I don’t develop as a boy any more than I am and in preparation for girlie hormones when I’m old enough, but she thinks that its quite a big step. Before I go down that route, she said, that I should try being a boy 24/7 and see if I was sure about what I wanted to be. I agreed with her and that’s why I need to act and be a boy for a while.’

All right, I was telling her a few white lies about what the shrink may or may not have said, but I needed to get her on my side, as I needed all the friends I could get.

‘So now you are trying to be a boy to see if you might have made a mistake, being a girl all these years?’

’Yea.’

‘An’ your going to be Tommy not Tannie?’

I nodded sadly.

She looked upset.

‘So, we can’t be BFF’s any more?’

‘Course we can, we are best friends. Does me being a boy make that much difference to you?’

‘Well I can’t talk about girly things with you any more, can I? Apart from Mummy, you were the first person to know about my starting having periods and you know lots of things about me that no one else does. You were the one who always had the cool dress sense and could tell me about what looks good and what doesn’t. Oh I knew that “down there”,’ she waved vaguely at my groin region, ‘you had boys stuff, but you were so girly that it didn’t matter about that. Out of school, you wore girls clothes whenever you could and now, I suppose it’s all changed.’

She looked about to cry and I felt awful. I grabbed her hand.

‘Look Charlotte, we are still best friends, if you want to be. It will be a bit different, but does it really matter if I’m a boy or girl, my heart’s the same?’

She looked at me doubtfully, tears in her eyes and then stood up.

‘I have to think about things. You seem different, somehow and it’s not just about the boy, girl thing. I don’t know if it can be like before. I’m having nasty thoughts about if you are being selfish and not thinking about others. I bet that your dad and nan don’t really know what’s going on. You should think about that before changing into a boy.’

With a final sad look, she picked up her lunch box and walked off, leaving me more upset than I thought I would ever be.

I wanted to cry, but boys don’t cry, do they?

Hart and Furbin were waiting for me at the school gates; that was all I needed.

I had intended to go home on the school bus, but I was a bit late as I had an interesting discussion with Mr Roberts, the history teacher, about a late bit of homework that should have been in that day. It was so unfair, as I had no idea what he was talking about. I had to wing it a bit and just said that I had left it at home. I promised to hand it in the next day and just hoped that I would find the offending item at home in “my” bedroom somewhere.

Anyhoo, I was late for the bus, and I had rung Dad up so that he could come and collect me. Unfortunately, as I said before, Dumb and Dumber were waiting for me. I had kind of hoped that they would have caught the school bus, but then I remember hearing somewhere that they had been banned from using it for some sort of minor indiscretion like threatening to kill the driver or something.

As I walked up, I got sort of angry. I had thought from my previous encounters with these two that they just might get the message and leave me alone.

Evidently not.

‘Right Tommy, you are dead meat,’ said Furbin rather nasally, with a humourless grin on his face.

I noticed that his nose still looked a bit enflamed and that somehow pleased me. Also his shirt had splatters or is that spatters of blood and I hoped that his mum would ask searching questions about how his school shirt looked like that. It was also nice to see that Hart still looked somewhat bandy legged so the knee in the groin treatment was still showing its affects.

‘Look, I haven’t got time for this. My dad is about to pick me up and I do not want to keep him hanging about. For the last time will you let it go?’

‘Let what go?’ asked the practically brain dead Furbin.

‘All this attempted bullying nonsense. I’ve got the better of you twice in two days. Do you really want some more of the same?’

‘You’re a fairy.’ said Hart.

‘Do you think so?’

‘Yea, you like to wear dresses an that.’

“Am I wearing one now?’

‘No, but you would if you could,’ said Furbin, butting in on the conversation. I don’t think that he liked Hart to think; that was his job. Hart was the muscle and most of that was between his ears.

‘I was just pretending, just to wind you up.’

‘Wot, since you were in infants school?’ asked Hart.

‘Yea, got you to believe it, didn’t I?’

‘I’ve seen you in a dress,’ said Furbin, ‘you looked more girlie than my sister.’

‘Good actor aren’t I?’

They looked confused, which was exactly what I wanted.

I looked at my watch. Dad was running late and if he didn’t get here soon, these two would get there respective brains into gear and I would probably have to defend myself. The last two times that they had caught me; I had had the element of surprise. This time, despite their injuries, I would not have that advantage.

With relief I noticed in the distance, my dad’s car coming down the roads towards us.

‘Oh, here he is now.’ I said brightly.

As he drew up, I could see the look of disappointment on their faces, a bit like lions or tigers deprived of a juicy meal on the hoof.

I turned to them as I walked over to my dad’s car and said, ‘Oh, by the way, if you try anything on again, I would have to use martial arts on you.’

‘What do you mean?’ snarled Furbin.

‘I been taking lessons for years and I have a black belt in Origami.’

They looked a bit scared of that and I just hoped that they didn’t have the brainpower to look up what that meant.

Dad looked at me strangely as I got in the car.

‘What wrong with those boys, they don’t look happy with you?’

‘They didn’t like me answering them back.’

‘You aren’t bein bullied again, are you?’

‘No, I won’t let anyone bully me any more.’

‘Good, I have been telling you for years that you must stand up for yourself.’

We drove off and in about twenty minutes later, we were home.

‘Your nan has gone walking on the moor with the other W.I. women, I don’t know where they get the energy from,’ said Dad as we walked up the path.

Thinking about the state of health of my other Nan “over there” made me wonder how she was at that moment. I had a strange feeling that all was not well with her.

I shivered; those uncomfortable thoughts were all a bit too much like a cheesy horror film for me.

It was a nice day and still early. Dad was working in his study and I didn’t fancy trying to sort out the history homework quite yet; I hoped and prayed that Tannie had done it. I would try to find it that evening when my mind, hopefully, wouldn’t be in such a turmoil after all that had happened that day.

I decided that I would go for a run. I had liked running as my other self and once again, I had a feeling that Tannie did too. This was confirmed when I found some running shorts and a singlet, thankfully in sort of neutral white, not so thankfully in a material that was rather shiny, almost like satin. I also found a pair of well worn trainers in the bottom of the wardrobe. They had pink laces, but beggars can’t be choosers.

I quickly dressed in the running gear and then told Dad that I was going out.

He was a bit distracted and just waved goodbye.

Soon I was running down our lane, through the village and out into the countryside.

I found that when I was running, I could reflect and mull over things and this time was no different.

I was a bit upset over what Charlotte had said to me. All right, technically, I wasn’t the Tannie she knew. Her Tannie was “over there”, but she didn’t know that. All she could see was that I had done a U turn regarding my gender and she felt hurt and confused. I sensed that Tannie had been closer to Charlotte than anyone else. Whether that closeness would stand the test of my apparent changes, I had no idea.

It was all so complicated. I didn’t know where I really fitted in here. I was not the person that others had always known me to be.

Although I was a real boy now, and believe me, I loved that; I was not Tanya. I had different dreams and ambitions to her that were poles apart from where I wanted to be. I kept seeing people who thought that I was Tannie or Tanya (obviously) and I could see the confusion in their faces when they saw the new, and to my mind, improved me.

Even my father and nan didn’t really know the real me and the explanations that I had given for the changes didn’t seem all that convincing. It would only be a matter of time before I let something slip and land myself in the doo-doo.

Without thinking, I had gone up onto the moor and was heading in the general direction of the cottage on the common where I had arrived into this world that was so similar to mine but slightly different.

As I ran, memories of the love that I had for my mum and nan kept popping up in my brain. I missed my mum; after all I had just seen her a few days ago, so she had been very much alive to me. I was convinced that she was still alive, but in another place. For my part, it was lovely to be with Dad and Nan and wonderful that Nan was so healthy and full of life; but I wanted Mum too. Although a boy, I still wanted the occasional cuddle.

Tanya, on the other hand had lost Dad and in a way Nan too. Now, in her reality, she had a mum she had never known and a nan who was just not the same as before. Before changing places with me, she probably would not have really remembered Mum. To her, Mum had died when she was only three; a time when memories would be sketchy if not non-existent. Now she was with a Mum she didn’t know and a sick nan, who sort of lived in a world of her own and was no longer all there.

I didn’t know who was worse or better off or even if I could think in terms like that.

Thinking of myself, there were swings and roundabouts being where I was now. I still couldn’t get my head around what had happened to me. They say truth is stranger than fiction and I could well believe that after what had happened to me over the last few short days.

I continued running, getting myself out of breath as I went up and down over grassy hills trying to avoid the outcrops of rocks and many rabbit holes that were dotted about on the beautiful moor. The sun was still quite strong and there was hardly a cloud in the sky. The breeze was light and the warm air did nothing to help me keep cool. I had brought with me a fist grip water bottle that contained an electrolyte orange drink. I kept taking sips to keep myself hydrated and I was glad that I had the foresight to bring it with me.

I started to run as fast as I could, trying to outrun my thoughts and emotions. I didn’t want to think anymore.

Gasping, I stopped for a moment at the top of a hill to have a drink. Over in the distance, were the coast and the glittering sea. Nearer, only about half a mile away, up on the common where sheep had been grazed freely for centuries, was the strange cottage which had been my gateway to this new world which was very similar but not quite the same as the one I had left.

I had another drink and then, after I had regained my breath a bit, I ran on. Without realising it consciously, I was drawn to the cottage like a magnet. As I got nearer, I felt even more of an urge to go there. What I would do when I arrived, I didn’t know but I just knew that I had to go to the cottage and go now.

In just a few minutes I had arrived. Nothing had changed; the cottage still looked run down and unloved. I wondered if it had once been a holiday cottage, there were loads of those in Cornwall and there had always been complaints that locals could not afford housing due to incredible price rises due to these cottages being snapped up by people who lived miles away and rarely visited. Maybe the owner had died and that was why it all looked neglected.

I stopped at the gate, my breath heaving. I was obviously not very fit in this reality. Tannie probably spent more time painting her nails rather than keeping fit.

As I recovered, I felt hot and sweaty and then suddenly, without warning, strangely cold.

I shivered slightly. Something felt wrong.

Looking at the cottage, I could sense that it was still empty. There was no car outside and the once pretty front garden looked like it needed a lot of attention.

Without thinking, I opened the garden gate and walked up the path to the front door. As I went, with gravel crunching under my trainers, the sun dimmed and clouds appeared in the sky where a few minutes ago it had been bright and clear.

The wind came up and started to make me feel all the colder. The sweat on my thin running vest and shorts felt cold and clammy against my glistening skin.

I sensed…something. I found it difficult to put it into words. Words could not adequately describe my feelings. It was, I suppose, almost like I was at home in bed and was dreaming. Everything felt suddenly so unreal. Maybe I would wake up in a moment and I would realise that this had all been a figment of my rather overactive imagination.

Was this all a dream?

I was aware that I could no longer feel the wind. I couldn’t hear the wind either; it was as if I was in a vacuum without any external senses to help me interact with the world around me. The door handle was polished brass, although why it was polished when all else looked shabby and unkempt I didn't know, and it started to glow pulsatingly... dim then bright, dim then bright…

My hand was drawn towards the handle. I couldn’t take my eyes off it.

With a shaking hand that almost didn’t seem part of me, I reached out and touched the brightly pulsating handle.

The handle felt hot…there was a blinding white light that surrounded me and I felt a shock as the door opened and I was being sucked in through the doorway...

I think I screamed.

Please leave comments and kudo thingies...thanks! ~Sue

As the taxi drew up at the hospital, I was dreading what I would find...

‘Well Tannie?

by

Susan Brown

Previously from Chapter 7…

‘Mummy, I’m home.’ I called out happily.

There was no answer. Going into the kitchen, I grabbed a glass and went straight to the fridge, taking out a bottle of milk, I poured myself some and took a sip.

I went to sit at the kitchen table. There was a note on it. Picking it up I read:

Tried to get you on your mobile, but I couldn’t get through. Your nan has had another stroke. I’m going the hospital now. Order a taxi and come as soon as possible.

Love Mum

And now the story continues…

As the taxi drew up at the hospital, I was dreading what I would find. Mummy had told me in no uncertain terms that Nan was very frail and that she wasn’t all there, if you know what I mean. Now she had yet another stroke and things didn’t look good.

It was all so different from my other time-line where my nan was healthy and full of life. In that other reality, I had always been so close to Nan and she had been a mother figure to me ever since Mum had died.

It was all so confusing and contradictory. I wondered if schizophrenics felt like I did at that moment, having two different lives that were all so real.

The taxi stopped and I paid the man and thanked him. I was so preoccupied, I wouldn’t have recognised the driver if I saw him again.

After enquiring, I made my way up to intensive care and found Mummy in the waiting room, off to the side of the ward.

I rushed over and hugged her tightly. She looked as if she hadn’t slept in days, her hair was in a mess and she had no makeup on.

‘H…how is she?’ I asked, my voice quavering.

‘Hanging on…just.’

‘What happened?’

‘She was having lunch in the nursing home and then just collapsed without warning. The ambulance got there quickly and she was rushed here and immediately put into intensive care.’

‘What do the doctors say?’

She looked at me and brushed some stray hairs away from my face.

‘It’s not good. She’s in a coma and they don’t think that she will pull through.’

We both cried then and it took a while before we could hold a coherent conversation.

And then we just waited, and waited.

I got really fed up with the cream and green walls and that horrible smell that all hospitals seem to have.

We tried a few of the drinks out of the dispenser thingie, but they all tasted the same — dish water.

Every time someone passed us, we looked up. Several nurses went by, they were all laughing. I didn’t think that there could be anything to laugh about in a hospital where people were fighting for their lives.

Eventually after what seemed like many hours, but was only about two, a doctor came in. He looked tired, as if he had been on duty for a long time.

He sat down opposite us on one of the chairs.

‘I am so sorry, we did all we could.’

The doctor left us to our grief and my mother and I clung to each other as we let all our emotions out. We cried until there were no tears left. Then Mummy told me about how Nan used to be and the fact that up to the time of her first stroke, she was the life and soul of the party, full of beans and up for anything. Much like the Nan I knew and loved.

Mummy explained that since her illness, Nan had been a shadow of her former self and on reflection; her leaving us was a blessing in disguise, as she would never have got better.

We saw her before we left the hospital. She looked so peaceful on the bed, just asleep really, and her face looked a lot younger. It was the first and only time that I saw this version of my Nan and I could not get out of my head, the other Nan who I had seen just a few days before and how alive and happy she had been.

We said little as Mummy drove us home. We were mentally washed out and when we arrived at the cottage, we just sat in the small sitting room and hugged each other for a while.

Eventually, I had to go upstairs to do some homework — I thought that it might take my mind off things - whilst Mummy started ringing around to people who needed to know about Nan’s death. She also had to make arrangements about the funeral and to be honest, it was something that I didn’t want to get too involved with. I would obviously go to the funeral, but I wanted to remember my Nan as she was and not as the person in the hospital that looked like my Nan, but wasn’t, if you know what I mean.

My mobile phone went off and I dug it out of my bag. One strange thing among many others in this world was that it was exactly the same mobile as I had had in my other existence, except the pink cover — mine was blue.

It was Sophie.

‘Hi Sophie,’ I said rather wearily.

‘What’s wrong Tanya?’ she asked, ‘you sound sad.’

‘My Nan just died.’

‘Oh, I am so sorry. I know that you were close.’

‘Yea, she had another stroke and they couldn’t save her.’

We spoke for a few minutes and then she let me go. I still don’t know why she rang me, but I doubt that it was all that important.

I felt like the walls were closing in on me and I couldn’t concentrate on my homework, so I just went downstairs to see how Mummy was getting on.

She was on the phone and crying. I think that she was talking to her best friend, Amanda.

I was all cried out by now and I just felt the need to go for a walk. Going back upstairs, I changed into white crops and a pink strappy top. Then I put on my white trainers with pink laces, as I was walking probably over rough ground. Then I went down to where Mummy was still on the phone, but laughing through her tears as she recounted a funny moment involving my Nan when she was fit as a flea.

I waved at Mummy and mouthed ‘going for a walk,’ to which she nodded and then continued her conversation.

I picked up my ruckie, in which were a few bits that I might need like a bottle of juice and my waterproof nylon anorak, and then I opened the door and went down the path.

Soon I found myself going through the village and then onto the common. My mind was on my Nan and what she meant to me. In my other existence, I wondered if all was well with her. I knew that there was some sort of link between this world and the other one that I had come from. Treusva Common was smack bang on the St Michael Ley Line and I strongly believed that this was the link between this world and the other frighteningly similar world where I had spent most of my life.

Before, I would have thought that all this ley line business was just nonsense, but not now. I had experienced things that were far from normal and defied any rational explanation.

Once again, not for the first time, I wondered what was going on ‘over there’. Was there still an ‘over there and was I right in assuming that the person who passed me in the doorway was the other me, who should have been born a boy and not a girl?

Maybe s(he) ceased to exist when I fell into this dimension and there was only one true world and this was the one I was in now?

Those thoughts made me feel even worse than I felt before, if that was possible. I had clung to the hope that my dad was alive somewhere out of sight and that my Nan was with him and perfectly well; now I wondered if that was true.

I followed the well-worn path leading up to one of the many hills that made up the common. Sheep were dotted about and paid little attention to me as I continued on my way, not really knowing where I was going, so deep was I in my gloomy thoughts.

Why couldn’t I have just been born a girl? Why did I have to have such drastic changes in my life to become the person that I truly was? Was this a punishment for wanting something so badly?

So many questions and no answers. I believed in God in a sort of relaxed way. I wasn’t particularly devout and rarely went to church, but that was from personal choice. Our local church was one of those happy clappy places and did little for me. I wasn’t into exhibitionism and the type of evangelicalism preached there. As far as I was concerned, you didn’t need to visit a church to believe. As long as you led your life the way you should, God would let you get on with things. But I vaguely wondered whether I had not been as good as I thought I had been and this was some sort of punishment for wanting to be a girl.

Had what had happened to me been a God thing? if so, I didn’t think much of it!

I felt an itch in my head, right inside. It was an itch that I couldn’t scratch. Shaking my head, it went away, but I felt the urge to make my way towards the sea, glittering in the distance.

I went along the well-worn path. It was quiet apart from the birds twittering, the lambs baaing, the gentle sounds of the warm breeze and the distant crashing of waves against the cliffs of Trellow Head.

It was a lovely day, but my thoughts were more on my Nan than the beauties of nature around me. The only memories I had of Nan were happy ones, I had never seen her in this version of the world and I had no idea if, before she had her original stroke, whether she was the same as the Nan I knew and loved or was she different. I wondered about my Mother over here too: did she have the same personality as my long dead Mother on the other side or was she also somewhat different?

It was all so confusing and not helped by the constant itch inside my head that wouldn’t go away.

Without realising it, I turned away from the sea and made my way along a path that I had last taken with Mummy when we went for our last walk on the common.

It led to the cottage where all this strangeness started to happen to me. I still wondered whether I was in the middle of a dream and that I might wake up at any moment, in my bedroom, still physically a boy but aching to be the girl I always knew I was. Downstairs my Dad would still be there and Nan would be alive and well and making plans to climb Mount Everest (without oxygen).

But this was no dream. I knew it.

Up ahead, in the distance stood the cottage. I should have walked on and ignored it. After all it was owned by somebody and I shouldn’t really go anywhere near it. Mind you, it looked like one of the many cottages that was occupied for only a few weeks of the year by owners who lived miles away and only used it for holidays.

Before I realised it, I was standing by the gate. It looked empty of people and there were no cars around. I shook my head, to rid it of that strange itching feeling…

It went quiet, very quiet and I could no longer hear things around me, it was as if I had earplugs and they were deadening the sound. I wasn’t concerned about this for some reason. Maybe it was because so many strange things had happened to me lately and I had had an overload of weirdness.

Without conscious thought, I opened the gate and walked down the short gravel path to the door. The itch disappeared suddenly, to be replaced by a strong urge to enter the cottage. As I arrived at the door, my eyes were drawn to the brightly polished brass door handle. It was almost pulsing bright then dull, bright, then dull.

‘It must be a trick of the light, with the clouds crossing the sun,’ I thought distractedly.

I put my hand out towards the handle, almost mesmerised by the pulsing light of the polished brass.

Suddenly, I knew that I would have to open the door and I grabbed the handle firmly.

The handle was hot and I almost took my hand away, but I could not let go. Suddenly, I pushed the handle down and the door opened. I screamed as I was sucked through the doorway and everything went black.

To save confusion -‘what confusion?’- I hear you ask, the story will continue in the third person narrative.

Tommy didn’t black out, but came close to it. He felt that being sucked through the entrance had been a lot more violent than last time that happened and this time, he had no sensation of someone passing him, going out the other way — but there was something, almost as if another person had been sucked in too...

He found himself on the floor of the cottage and was apparently alone. Instead of the bright sunlight streaming through the windows as he expected, the windows were wet and it was bucketing down with rain outside.

Tommy felt more than a bit disoriented and he shook his head to clear it. Looking around, he recalled that the last time he had been in this cottage, it had been a bit of a wreck and looked abandoned. Now, he could see in the gloom that it had changed. He saw that it was now nicely furnished, and had the look of somewhere that had been recently decorated.

Tommy turned as he heard a groan, looking over to where a settee was, he could see behind it, a foot sticking out.

The foot was moving.

The foot was wearing white trainers with pink laces.

Tommy recognised those trainers, they looked very similar to ones he had when he was still, physically a girl.

He reluctantly walked over to the settee, but before he arrived, a head popped up.

They both saw each other.

As one, their eyes opened wide and their jaws dropped.

He gasped.

She gasped.

They both said together, ‘It’s you!’

Then, as one they both turned at the sound of a gentle cough.

‘Hello Tommy and Tanya, I wondered when you would arrive.’

Please leave comments and kudo thingies...thanks! ~Sue

‘Miss Busby!’ exclaimed Tommy and Tanya together.

‘For goodness sake, stop making fish faces, yes, it’s me, Miss Busby.’

by

Susan Brown

For those of you who may be a bit confused, Tommy, who really believed that he was a she, was transformed into a female version of himself when he mysteriously went through the door of the cottage and immerged as Tanya. Likewise Tanya always considered herself to be a boy and when she went through the door, transformed into the person she always knew she was, Tommy.

Confused? Well all will now be revealed…



Previously from Chapter 9…

Tommy turned as he heard a groan, looking over to where a settee was, he could see behind it, a foot sticking out.

The foot was moving.

The foot was wearing white trainers with pink laces.

Tommy recognised those trainers, they looked very similar to ones he had when he was still, physically a girl.

He reluctantly walked over to the settee, but before he arrived, a head popped up.

They both saw each other.

As one, their eyes opened wide and their jaws dropped.

He gasped.

She gasped.

They both said together, ‘It’s you!’

Then, as one they both turned at the sound of a gentle cough.

‘Hello Tommy and Tanya, I wondered when you would arrive.’

And now the story concludes…

‘Miss Busby!’ exclaimed Tommy and Tanya together.

‘For goodness sake, stop making fish faces, yes, it’s me, Miss Busby.’

She was standing in the doorway of the sitting room, looking just as they remembered her in both universes, if that was the word for it.

‘You both look a bit startled. Sit on the settee and then I’ll do my best to explain to you what has happened.’

Tanya looked from Tommy to Miss Busby. She looked and felt thoroughly bemused.

‘I don’t understand what’s going on.’

‘Me either,’ said Tommy who could not help looking at Tanya.

‘It’s neither not either,’ said Miss Busby in her well remembered classroom voices. ‘Although some people say…well never mind that now; you are both confused and want some answers?’

Tanya and Tommy dragged their eyes from one another and looked expectantly at the teacher.

‘Hmm, you both look a bit shocked. I have a pot of tea brewing in the kitchen and that is always good for shock. I won’t be a moment and then we can have a nice little chat.’

She left them and everything was quiet for a moment as once again the two children looked at each other.

‘Erm,’ h…hello Tommy,’ said Tanya.

‘Hi,’ said Tommy with a lopsided grin on his face.

‘So, how is it in my old body?’ asked Tanya.

‘Weird, what about you?’

Yea, weird…but nice too; I feel much better as a girl.’

‘Me too,’ said Tommy enthusiastically, ‘as a boy, I mean.’

‘This has got to be the strangest thing to happen to anyone. Was it you that passed me in the doorway when I changed into a girl?’

‘Yes, it must have been, but who knows, it could have been the chocolate eating fairy for all I know,’ replied Tommy with a grin. Then he stopped smiling. ‘How is Nan, she wasn’t well, the last time I saw her over there. Where I was, she’s as fit as a flee and made me feel tired just looking at the things she got up to.’

They could hear the sound of crockery being bashed about as Tanya looked at Tommy and then held his hand. It seemed so natural and normal to do this that Tommy didn’t seem to notice as he saw the look on her face and knew that something was wrong.

‘Oh Tommy, she had another stroke and died…’

Tommy may now have been a boy and proud of it, but he had emotions like everyone else and he burst into tears.

Tanya and Tommy hugged one another as they grieved for their Nan. The fact that there was another Nan, in another place who was fit and well, didn’t make a jot of difference. They both hurt.

Miss Busby came in with a tray and laid it down.

‘You heard about your Nan, Tommy?’

‘Y…yes.’

She nodded sadly and then bustled around, handing out teacups and biscuits and giving the children time to get a hold on their emotions.

They sat in silence for a minute or two as they drank their tea and nibbled on biscuits. It all seemed surreal to Tanya and she could sense that Tommy felt the same. What were they to each other? Were they related, or the same person or what? There seemed to be some sort of mental link between the two of them, almost as if each other knew what the other was thinking.

Tommy was looking at Miss Busby and wondered what she knew about what had happened. She was, he knew, a strange teacher; strict, but fair and he knew that beneath that hard exterior there was kindness and compassion.

Tommy and Tanya finished their tea almost at the same time. Miss Busby had already finished hers and was looking at the children expectantly. She could see before her, almost two peas from the same pod, one so obviously a boy and the other, a very feminine girl. She smiled.

‘All done? Good. Now you need an explanation and you shall have it. It must all seem very confusing to you. Now sit back and I’ll tell you what has happened.’

She seemed to gather her thoughts for a few moments and then continued.

‘By its very nature, the things that have happened to you have been fantastic and unbelievable. There are many things in the universe that still puzzle scientists to this day. There are places on Earth where even now, little is known about, for example, what its like deep beneath the oceans in certain places and within the Earth itself, where there are huge caverns untouched by mankind. Likewise in medicine, there are many things that are still a mystery to us. Take the brain for example, where do we pull our memories from and how is it done? We still do not have all the answers about why we dream and how important is for us to sleep and why if we do don’t, we die. Do you understand?

The children both nodded.

‘Good, we are getting somewhere. Shakespeare’s Hamlet said “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy,” and never a truer thing has been said. As you know I do not believe in embellishments in any way and like to stick to facts as a good teacher should.’

She smiled at the simultaneous nods.

‘What do you know about ley lines?’

Tommy looked blank, but Tanya spoke up.

‘Do you mean the St Michaels Ley Line or alignment?’

‘Yes, I see that you have been studying about it. For the benefit of Tommy, let me explain in layman’s terms. ley lines cross our country in many places. In fact ley lines crisscross many areas of the Earth. One of the most famous and deeply significant ones is the St Michaels Ley Line. Steeped in mythical legend, binding pagan and other ancient religious beliefs, ley lines intersect important sites across the country including Glastonbury, The Hurlers Stone Circle, Bury St Edmunds and other…

Note from Ed.
Miss Busby continued to explain to the kids, the significance of ley lines as mentioned in Chapter 7. We wont repeat it, as repetition is boring.

‘So, because we are on Treusva Common and that is on the ley line, this has something to do with what’s happened to us?’

‘Yes Tommy, it has everything to do with it. If you like, the ley line here is a fracture point where different dimensions of the same world merge and intertwine. Think of where we are now, in this time and space. Other dimensions are here too, although you cannot see them. ‘

Tanya and Tommy were beginning to look confused and she sighed.

‘Alright, think of an onion. Unions have different layers and you can peel away one from another, each layer is different but incredibly similar to the ones above and below. Do you understand?’

‘Yes,’ they said, as one.

She smiled.

‘You are so alike, its almost frightening. Anyway, normally everything goes on OK and there are no problems, but when you were both born, something did happen and that has put you where you are now. Treusva Common is, as I say on the St Michaels Ley Line. You both, I know, have taken Geography and last year, I believe you studied San Andreas Fault?’

‘Yes,’ said Tommy as Tanya just nodded, wondering what that had anything to do with what had happened to them.

‘What occasionally happens along the San Andreas Fault?’

‘Earthquakes,’ said Tanya promptly.

‘Correct, that is where the plates move toward each other and collide, if you like, something has to give and that give, for want of a better word, results in earthquakes. What you two have experienced is what I term as a psychic earthquake. A simple explanation but will suffice for now.’

She glanced at her watch.

‘We have little time, but please take for granted that we are in a place where there has been the equivalent to an earthquake but one where instead of the Earths crust, it is a dimensional and psychic earthquake that occurred when you were both born in different dimensions. You see, it should not have happened like that. Before your birth, everything was as it should be, after your birth, instead of you being twins, one of you was born in one dimension and the other in an alternative one.’

‘So, we are twins?’ asked Tommy.

‘Yes, it is hard to explain and goodness knows how it happened, but at or around your conception, something happened that split you two up and sent one into, shall we say dimension A and the other into dimension B. This was an anomaly and caused problems with the very fabric of time and space. In effect, there were two time lines when there should have only been one.

‘I am not going to get too technical as I can see that your eyes are beginning to glaze over, but just take it as a fact that you were both in the wrong place at the wrong time. This cottage is a sort of portal and you were both attracted to the cottage at the same time by the psychic link you have, a very strong link, I might add.’

‘Because we are really twins?’

‘Yes.’

‘I have heard that twins can have this sort of bond, is that the kind of thing?’

‘Yes, but in your case, I believe that the bond is incredibly strong, telepathic and psychic in nature. Nature has a wonderful way of trying to balance itself and that is the same in the psychic as well as the physical world. Being on the St Michael’s Ley Line helped harness the power needed to propel each other back towards the place you should have been when you were born, but something went wrong. Instead of you arriving in this dimension, you crossed over and sort of did a swap.’

‘So this all shouldn’t have happened?’ said Tommy.

‘No, it shouldn’t have. This is where I came in. I am, for my sins, a gatekeeper, if you like. Do not ask from where I came, but take it from me, there are gatekeepers all over the world, tasked to keep things from going awry. Occasional problems of this nature crop up all over the world, many on ley lines, as they are where the psychic faults tend to occur. I am, as you may have guessed, a strong psychic myself and I, shall we say, persuaded you to come to the cottage at exactly the same time to try to rectify the problem and put everything to rights again. The fact that you are here together means that the attempt was successful.’

‘What about our pasts was that real and if we are here now, what has happened back in the places where we have just come from?’ asked a frankly bemused Tommy.

Miss Busby looked at them and appeared to be considering her reply. Then after some internal discussion, she nodded slightly.

‘You have asked the question and you have the right to an answer. An analogy might help. Imagine that you are in a car on a road together. The car stops and you both get out. There is a split in the road and one goes one way and the other takes the other road. Are you with me so far?’

They nodded.

‘Good; now, for some years you carry along your own road, feeling as I am sure that you did, that something was not quite right. Both of you felt that you were in the wrong body. Eventually, the roads came back toward each other and crossed so Tanya became Tommy and vice-versa. What should have happened was that the road would come together or merge again and you could then both get back in the car and carry on, as you should have in the first place. Instead, you sort of crossed over and followed each other’s road rather than a merged one. Perhaps it happened that way for a purpose, so that each of you would be in the correct body for the next stage to take place, otherwise you would still both feel as if you were in the wrong body and gender.

‘That is supposition, but I believe that that is the correct interpretation on the events that happened to you. Anyway, for a short while you carried on the alternative road, but now in the correct gender. Eventually, due to circumstances we have already spoken about, you were both brought together and can now carry on the journey that you should have been on in the first place.’

‘I understand that…I think,’ said Tommy, ‘but what about our pasts were they real or what?’

‘Real enough,’ replied Miss Busby, ‘but reality is a tricky thing. Continuing the analogy, you are now together going along the right road. Your past, such as it was, was a fractured past, now reality has readjusted things so that there is only one continuous road and not two. Things that have happened in your past, where you have been separated, may not have happened in this reality. Faults have been healed and time is now as it should be. Accept that the past that you both experienced separately may not necessarily be linked to where you are here and now. I can say no more as I am not allowed to say more, lest I influence the future.’

The twins looked at each other. They kind of understood what she was saying but there were still more questions than answers, but it looked like they were not going to get any more information from the mysterious Miss Busby. It was strange, as they seemed to realise what the other was thinking and accepted the situation.

‘So, what now?’ asked Tanya.

‘Now, my dears, you go home. Hopefully, everything will have been put to right and all the fractured time lines will have merged.’

‘So you don’t know if what you have done has worked out all right or not?’ asked Tanya, voicing exactly what Tommy thought.

‘No, that is beyond my powers, such as they are. All I know is that you are both in the right place at the right time and the anomaly or fracture has been healed. I cannot interfere in what must be. It is now up to you too to go and find out if things are as they should be. I will be here if you need me, but only for a limited time as I have other things that must be done. Now go home and see what you shall see.’

The twins made their way out of the cottage. When Tanya turned the handle of the door, she winced, wondering if she was going to be sucked into yet another dimension, but all was well as she walked out into the garden. It had been raining and, as is usual in those parts, the sun was now blazing strongly and what water that lay about on the ground, was evaporating. The sky was a clear of clouds and in the distance, the sea was calm and deep blue.

Tommy followed Tanya out and as they turned towards home, each of them was wondering what would happen now.

‘This is so strange,’ said Tommy as they walked down the well-worn path.

‘Strange is not a strong enough word,’ replied Tanya.

‘’What if…’

‘What if what, Tommy?’

He turned to her. It was strange to see Tanya standing there, long hair moving in the slight breeze and looking every inch the girl.

‘What if things are worse. Maybe Mum and Dad are dead and Nan too, here. Maybe we live with foster parents or perhaps been adopted. Why wouldn’t Miss Busby tell us anything?

‘She might not know. It all seemed to happen rather fast. It may be that this is the way we find out and it is meant to be,’ speculated Tanya.

‘You are beginning to sound like her. This whole thing is more fantastic than Star Trek.’

They both laughed, but it was an uncomfortable laugh.

‘Mind you,’ said Tommy, ‘I love being a real boy now. Did you have the same feelings as me, trapped in the wrong body before all this happened?’

‘Yes, I love being a real girl. It was nice dressing as a girl, but I just didn’t have the right parts and it’s wonderful now. What isn’t so wonderful is that I lost Dad and Nan too.’

‘I know what you mean; I lost Mum, although Nan was well where I was. At least I have now gained a sister.’ He smiled.

‘And I have a brother, how cool is that?’ said Tanya, perking up a bit.

‘Aren’t we supposed to argue and hate each other?’

‘Probably, but lets get used to being together and maybe there are things we can do together?’

‘Like stamp collecting and studying hard for our grades?’

They looked at each other and burst out laughing.

Everything seemed normal as they approached the village. Nothing much was different from the place they knew before. Maybe a house or cottage was decorated differently and one or two of the faces were different, but in the main, it was the same.

PC Snow was walking along with his pushbike and talking to the vicar. The twins knew them both well and Tanya wondered at what reaction they would have to seeing her and Tommy together like this.

‘There you are kids,’ said the young vicar, smiling, ‘don’t forget, choir practice tomorrow evening at six.’

‘It wasn’t you two I saw in Mr Adam’s orchard, nicking apples was it, before lunch?’ asked the policeman.

‘No,’ said the twins in unison.

‘Hmm,’ I don’t trust you two. You look so flamin’ innocent, as if butter wouldn’t melt in yer mouth, but I reckon you are the cause of a lot of little incidents that happen around here. I’m keeping my eyes on you two.’

The vicar tried to hide a smile at that but failed miserably.

‘Erm, we have to get home,’ said Tommy hurriedly and with that, they continued on their way leaving the policeman and vicar to carry on discussing the various transgressions, real or imaginary of the twins.

‘I don’t get it,’ said Tanya.

‘What?’

‘We are here now, but who was here before?’

‘What?’

‘Alright, you were with Dad and I was with Mum before we came together here, yes?’

‘Yes, that’s obvious.’

‘Right, so now we are in this different dimension thingie and the policeman and vicar recognise us, then who do they really recognise?’

‘Oh, I get it. Is there another Tommy and Tanya here already and when we get home, will there be two set of twins?’

‘Exactly,’ said Tanya.

‘Well wouldn’t Miss Busby tell us if that was the case?’

‘She doesn’t seem to know too much about it, as she sort of told us that she didn’t know what we would find when we get home.’

‘There couldn’t be another set of twins, that would make things worse not better and Miss Busby said that things were now sort of put right when we landed here.’

‘I ‘spose so, my head hurts.’

‘Mine too!’

They continued on and they met a few other people who they vaguely knew, who just nodded and didn’t seem to think it strange that the twins were where they were.

They arrived at their home and looked at it. It all seemed about the same except that it looked as if it had just been freshly painted and had climbing roses around the doorway. The garden looked more immaculate than either of them had seen before and it was obvious that someone had green fingers.

They looked at each other and then Tommy opened the gate. They walked up the path. As was usual, the door wasn’t locked and then, after some hesitation, they walked in with Tanya taking the lead.

There was subtly different wallpaper and furniture, but other than that, it was pretty much the same inside.

The cottage was empty.

Then they heard a noise coming from the back garden and they went through the kitchen and into the garden.

Two people were at the end of the garden, digging around a flowerbed and talking quietly.

Their backs were turned and the twins could hear some laughter.

The twins looked at each other and grinned and then ran towards their parents.

‘Mummy, Daddy!!!’

Their parents turned and then were nearly bowled over as the two children grabbed them and hugged them both with tears and their eyes and laughter in their voices.

‘Hey, what’s up you two?’ asked their father, ‘you’ve only been gone for an hour.’

Tanya and Tommy spoke at the same time, not making much sense.

‘Not being playing up have you?’ asked Mum, laughing and looking younger than either of them remembered.

‘No, we’ve been good,’ said Tanya, sniffing and not letting go of her Daddy.

‘You haven’t swapped clothes again have you? Mum can tell, but I never can.’

Tanya and Tommy laughed at that and shrugged. It seemed like there could be more fun being twins than maybe meets the eye…

‘You two are funny,’ said Mum, ‘you look like you have just seen a ghost…’

‘What’s that about a ghost?’ asked a voice from the kitchen door.

‘NAN!!!'

The twins flew at their Nan and hugged her just as hard as their parents. She looked fit and well and had a rucksack on her back. No sign of the frail old lady, she was the picture of good health, who looked like she could climb Everest, without oxygen, in time for lunch.

‘Hey, you too, let me down. I have to go on a ramble with the Over Sixties and I’m late, I just called in to let you know that we might decide to stay out and camp for the night. Will you two stop snivelling like that? What’s up with you, anyway?’

The twins looked at each other and grinned.

‘Nothing’s wrong Nan,’ said Tommy.

‘Everything is just right, now,’ said Tanya.

Thank you so much for sticking with me on this story. It was one of the hardest ones that I have ever attempted and I'm sort of pleased that I have been able to pull the various threads. I hope that it all makes sense! Remember this is fiction and my knowledge of geography, earthquakes and ley lines is scanty to say the least, so please give me poetic license on anything that doesn't make sense to all you egg heads out there!

Please leave comments and kudo thingies...thanks! ~Sue