She had lost everything but her teddy bear and an old blanket.

I crawled into the dumpster behind my apartment complex hugging my teddy bear. Persey tried to cheer me up, saying, “Mommy, it will be all right, we have got through worse.” But we both knew it had never been this bad.

I had managed to grab an old blanket and Persey as I was forcibly being removed from my apartment. They came at midnight, just as the eviction notice had warned. They were prompt. I had to give them that.

I wrapped that blanket around us as I huddled in the back corner of the dumpster. It was supposed to get down into the 20's tonight, and I knew that the blanket would not be enough to keep us warm, but I had to try. Persey deserved it.

If we could get though the night, then maybe I could get to the city to find a shelter. It was unlikely though. Most shelters here do not take in pre-op trans-women. It was the only option I had left.

So we lay back and watched the beautiful night sky. I so loved the stars. I kept telling myself I should learn their names, and still had not put aside the time to do it. I was thinking that maybe get through this night I would make the time. I remembered as a Boy Scout it had been a luxury to lay and watch the stars. I never imagined I would end up here.

It did not start out that way.

He was a well paid professional working for one of the top online retailers. He had a family with two beautiful and intelligent children and his life was going well. Only, it was all an illusion, based on the idea that he was actually male.

Then his parents died an he fell into a horrible depression. His father had been his rock and without him, he could no longer fend off those demons inside. He did try and cope, and even increased his psychological medications, but it just was not enough to keep him stable.

He lost him job shortly after that; for cause. They said too many late days and absences. It was all too easy for his new boss to discard his years of devotion. His boss could not be patient knowing he was having troubles, but would eventually be okay. The boss wanted results now! And even though he had saved the company millions of dollars and was one of their top architects, that was all in the past and unimportant. He was just a statistic and now he was gone.

After his insurance ran out, he had to go off of the drugs that held him together. They say, “Never quit taking your psych meds unless approved by your Dr.” Ironic that rule assumes you can afford to see your Doctor and purchase the medications. Only without the medications, he could not maintain a semblance of a normal life. Eventually, it became impossible for him to get through an interview without a panic attack, effectively making him unemployable.

The voices started then. They told him that society had made it's choice. He was not deemed worth saving. They only wanted responsible, contributing members. Not sick people pretending to be normal. They told him that they would be better off without him. Even his wife began telling him the same things. And he believed all of it.

The suicide attempts began shortly after that. She ended up being kept mostly sedated in order to stabilize her mood swings. So much so that he qualified for disability because he was no longer able to leave the house on his own. The disability checks were not much, but they allowed him to survive and be responsible for his children.

After the last suicide attempt, something finally clicked and she awoke. After almost two years of intense therapy, she began her journey to be her true self and started Hormone therapy. Two months after HRT began, she was asked to move out by her wife, so she found a roommate and left.

Now even that had fallen through, and and here she was, all alone.

I tried to fight them, but still those voices kept coming back. “You are worthless. You need to be responsible provide for yourself. You are a waste of my tax money. It is too bad that you did not just die.” Looking at where I was, I began thinking maybe I don't belong in this world, and that perhaps it is better this way.

I cried until there were no more tears left. Only now I was colder than I was before.

My shivering got really bad. I had to bite down on a corner of the blanket to keep my teeth from shattering together. I realized I was not going to make it though the night, but that was okay now. I had not given up. That was the important thing.

When I thought I could not stand the cold any longer, a feeling of warmth enveloped me, and I felt at peace. I whispered, “Good night Persey,” and closed my eyes and dreamed of the warmth of my father's arms around me. Of my father telling me, “It is okay now, just rest my wonderful daughter.” Oh I had longed for that, and now he was here. And then I slept in peace.

I first notice the beeping noises as I awake.

My brain goes into panic mode as I imagine I am hearing the garbage truck backing up to empty the dumpster. I thought they emptied it tomorrow. Could i have been out for a full day? Bolting up, the pulse oximeter flew off my finger as I reach for Persey to make our escape. Only then do I then notice that I am in a hospital bed under very warm blankets and Persey is no where to be seen.

I feel the panic rising in me, then I hear a hurried tap, tap, tap coming towards my room followed by a male nurse walking in. He says, “Miss - it is Miss right? You have to keep the monitors on.” He then comes up to me and cautiously takes my hand, attaching the oxygen sensor back to my finger.

I look up, more surprised, the panic getting worse as I suddenly realize I am naked, and that he knows about IT. Why is he being so nice to me? It does not make sense. I need to know how he could know about me, but all I can squeak out is the simple word, “How?”

He continues, “I only just learned about girls like you. We had another patient with your condition check in this weekend. So I take it Miss, Miss is right? Well, Miss, it would help if I knew your name. “

I look at him and paused. I could not believe he was being so accepting. Meekly, I answer “Melody, Melody Griffiths.

He gets the biggest smile on his face and bows slightly. “It is a pleasure to meet you Miss
Griffiths. My name is Chris Apmethy. Is it okay if I call you Melody?”

I answer, “Hi Chris, sure. And do you know where my Persey is?”

Chris responds, “Melody, Who is Persey?”

And I can't help but reply, “She's not the Doctor, She is my bear. She is the only one I have left in this world. I can't have lost her too.”

As Chris gets a big smile on his face and chuckles to himself, I feel actually we may be able to be friends. He then turns and goes to one of built-in drawers and pulls out a large sealed plastic bag, and Persey is inside.   "Here she is. She was not lost, just resting like you were. We could not get her out of your grip when you were brought in. We had to sedate you first. Only now, the doctor says that she has to be disinfected before we can take her out of the bag. "

As I see her so alone in the the bag, the tears again start running out of my eyes,   “but I need her now!”

Chris says, “I'll make you a deal, If you let Persey come home with me to get cleaned up, I will lend you my Pooh bear.” He then goes to the same drawer and pulls out a obviously well loved Pooh bear, and offers him to me.

I looked up, and between sobs replied, “You, you would do that for me? But why?”

I watch as a single tear runs down Chris' cheek and he replies, “Because I have been alone too. And you need to know that you are not alone anymore.” Addressing Persey, Chris continues, “Persey, will you go home with me and let Pooh watch your mommy?” He carefully nods Persey's head, which brings a faint smile back to my face. So I reach out and take Pooh and hold him tightly against me.

“Thank you Chris, I will take good care of Pooh. I do have one question: I thought I was going to freeze to death. How did I get here?”

Chris explained that someone had gone out early in the morning to take his trash out. As they got to the dumpster, around half a dozen feral cats jumped out, and they heard a faint voice, “good bye mommy.” So the paramedics were immediately called, and I was brought here just in time as hypothermia was starting to set in. The paramedics had thought it was the warmth of the cats that had kept me alive.

I told Chris that I thought I had gone to heaven, because my father was there to take care of me. It was the last thing I remembered before waking up here. I kind of got quiet after that and hugged Pooh even tighter. It was all so much to take in.

Seeing that I was done, Chris exclaimed, “I have to get back to my duties, but I will have Persey back to you tomorrow. Please take good care of Pooh. He tends to get lonely.” He left the room, muttering to himself, “What is it about you girls trying to freeze to death?”