“We did not come to be modest,” I said, “these kids health has been hit hard; our love needs to be beyond us feeling good. We want to be assured this would benefit both floors and show our caring beyond Tuesday night.” With the knowledge, we will not forget and we will be back, Cheryl seems to be well impressed... Heather spoke, “I don’t think they will allow much of your money to go for others...”
Darla, “Anne has a following in our office, we'll help her do what's right... Holding Tracy in my arms, ready to leave. “You’re an angel and not just an elf, aren’t you?”

My Office Gift Chapter 2 Giving Back the Gift by Jessica C Copyright © 2012,2013 Jessica C All Rights Reserved.

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Chapter 2 - Giving Back the Gift
 
They have Gwen lay on me for another 20 minutes, hoping that would help the colon to stay in position. It was not a cure-all but allowed the pain medicine to catch up and get ahead of the pain. Gwen did better and her discomfort became mild and her condition would clear up in the coming days. Heather and the therapist asked if I am serious about our being Christmas elves. If so the therapist said, "You should jump on it and have things in place for the Monday/Tuesday after Thanksgiving."
 

 
It was 1:00 a.m. when we got back to the cars and Heather and I went in to see if any others were still around. Jack and Aaron were still there, so we danced until they closed. Jack was looking for a goodnight kiss and to make a date for after Thanksgiving. I didn’t make a date, but as Heather noted I had not said no. She observes that I got into one of the kisses when I thought others were not watching.

When Heather and I reached our cars, she shares that Susan had mentioned I did well as a woman lover. I said, "I am probably tired enough that I would fall to sleep on you, but you are invited to stay with me and see if I would if you wanted." I shower a few minutes before Heather turns up the water pressure enough to keep me awake. And then she steps in with me. I felt bad that I fell quickly into the character of a woman lover, but I had been interested in Heather since we were first together and my body responded.

I was surprised how strong my desire to please and make love with her as Anne was. I was also surprised Heather was able to bring me into an orgasm. It was not the normal response of a guy. We were awake come 5:30 a.m. After we exchanged kisses and cuddled, we decided to get up and enjoy the day together. We wanted to get to know each other. We had breakfast and then went to her place to exercise. I had bought a change of clothes so we could go out.

Heather wanted to do some shopping and I figure I could tag along. I didn't really need anything. Heather was interested in adding more skirts to her wardrobe. She voiced, she was interested in seeing me in a pair of women’s designer jeans. Her dress wardrobe was pretty limited to work clothes and minimal in flattering her figure, with nothing being appropriate for a fun night out. She did get one nice outfit for tonight. I had stayed in form as Anne and found that I enjoy shopping.

Susan met us at the hotel lounge. We had a good evening visiting and listening to the piano bar. We did sing along on a few songs, and the other two remarked on how well I did. I didn’t think I sounded as well as them. Susan shared I had a better voice as Anne than Bob ever had for singing.

Susan took interest in Heather’s story about us being at the hospital with Gwen and Ginger. Susan noted that it did not seem quite in Bob’s character to do that much. She was amused about the possibility of the hospital Christmas parties for children and our being Christmas elves.

I stated I could be a male Christmas elf, but Heather asked how I was going to explain the change to Carol or Gwen if she came. Susan said, "You can't risk hurting the children's feelings. They don't need a time of joy being sabotaged by them not seeing you as Anne.

Monday noon LITCO and Beason Industries announced they had a new product line which would improve employment at both companies and in the surrounding communities. I was contacted by LITCO that I was to go with Darla on Monday afternoon or Tuesday to get my used car. The two companies wanted that wrapped up well before the end of the year.

Darla and Heather had talked and arranged for three cars for me to choose from. They ranged in from $5,000 to 9,000 in value; each would be good for a working college student. They had me pick from a Neon, Precedia and Volkswagen bug. I decided I wanted the white Mazda Precedia but complained each was more of a chick’s car.

They giggled and Heather said, “Why did you choose not to say anything until after it was bought?”
 
 
I worked both Monday and Tuesday since I would be going home and not working over the Thanksgiving break. Evelyn wanted Anne to come Tuesday afternoon which I did. I had been wearing my hair in a ponytail as Bob. I was later informed it looked too clean and well taken care of for most guys.
 
 
I called home on Tuesday telling my folks I had gotten the car and would not need a ride the next day. Mom reminded me to bring all my laundry home as she could teach me how to wash and care for some of it. Mom also said, "I want to go shopping Friday morning with my daughter Anne."

I asked, "Do my dad and brothers know about me?"

She said, "They will after we came home from shopping if not before."

She said, "Your two sisters-in-law already know so that they should keep your brothers in line. I left for home early Wednesday, I got a call on Anne’s phone, but it was from my Mom. I am glad to hear you are bringing your girl things. Susan said you were on your way. Why don’t you turn around before you get too far and bring Susan with you."

I called back to Susan and Susan would quickly pack and come. She needed to be back Saturday evening as her parents would be there Sunday morning.
 
 
My niece was happy to see her Uncle Bob, but notice my complexion, hair, and ears were all different. “My Mom said you are going to dress as Aunt Anne when we go shopping Friday.” Unfortunately one of my brothers heard the comment. Luckily, for now, he thinks she was talking about my friend who might go shopping with the women. I had gotten pulled into shopping with them last year; it was not as a girl, but a package bearer. This year would be different.
 

 
It was Thanksgiving Day between one game and another we sat down for dinner. We had finished the meal and would wait for dessert. The guys wanted to get to watch a game but knew better than to rush away from the table without talking. Kayla had gotten up saying she would be right back.

I did not see her come up behind me and begin to put an earring on me. Without thinking I helped her to finish the process. My dad reacted by asking, how long I had been wearing earrings. Susan spoke up and said, “Since Anne helped LITCO and Beason avoid major problems and to seal the new contracts."

Susan spoke on, "It was Anne’s idea, and she was asked to do what was needed to seal the deal. That included staying as Anne. I am impressed to know her. I hope you will be proud of her.” Dad backed up and said he wanted to hear more, but I should either take the one earring out or put the other in. Kayla and my sisters-in-law were in favor of me wearing both.
 
 
Barb suggests, "The men clear the table then watch TV. We'll stay and give Anne a make-over so everyone can see the finished product. Susan suggested I put on the outfit Darla first got me. I resisted but did not win the argument. We went to a bedroom and I started to change. Because of the time I was taking, Mom knew I needed encouragement. I was bloody scared, even though they were the ones asking me to do it.

I had my bra, panties, pantyhose, and skirt on when mom knocked and came in. Mom said, “From a picture, Susan shared it looks like you have breast forms, why don’t you put them on. I can help brush out your hair and do make-up, though Susan says you can do that fine. We suspect it’s a bit much what we are asking. I suspect the scariest part is going through with it.”

Mom said, “I hope I don’t need to tell you your family loves you. Susan says she saw your feminine side before you did. She says you still deny it’s you.” Mom said, "You just need to take some time and accept yourself changing as you are now if that is you."

I didn’t know why but I actually had brought the breast forms home with me and allowed them to use them in the transformation.

“I heard what you did for that little girl, Gwen. You know that was sweet and special, you should be very proud of yourself.” I was ready to do my make-up and hair when my mom took my brush and said: “It’s time for your make-over young lady.”
 
 
Kayla ran and took my hand; her mother put her hand up to her mouth. All the women smiled. Susan got her make-up kit and the group started in. Mom was doing my hands and nails. They sprayed my hair wet and used some setting gel as they rolled it up to get waves back into my hair.

Barb cleansed my face then started in with concealer and foundation. She said she was upset by how little she had to use. By the time the second game was over so was the make-over. Someone took orders for pie and coffee and we were putting things in place when my dad and brothers were invited back into the dining area.

My Dad and one brother said nothing but stared. One brother was upset, “I couldn’t believe you would do such a thing, plus you shouldn’t have kept it from us.” The other brother sided with Kayla and the women, “Bob is nice, but Anne seems happier as well as beautiful.”
 
 
Mom suggested everyone just sit down and eat their pie, “If you want to talk, talk but show love and respect. I’ve learned that this, in some ways has come on hard and fast for Robert. Yet it’s been there for more years than most of us want to admit. It hasn’t been easy, and I was the one who had put Bob on the spot to show herself off now.”

Dad noticed as Anne I even ate differently. I said that the past two weeks I picked up new mannerisms that came naturally for Anne. I told my brother who was most uncomfortable that I respected and understood how hard it was and would give him room to be himself." I said, "That deep down there were a lot of unsettled feelings in me; I'm not fully sure this is me, but I finally decided I have to find out.”

He asked, “So how does a guy get an outfit like this?”

Susan spoke up, “This is the outfit that started it all: one day he showed up at work and he had a mysterious office gift with the message: ‘I suggest you wait and open this at home.’ Well, Bob said he had a bad day up to that point and he needed to treat himself, so he decided to open it then and there.”

“His desk is in a large office shared with nine women. Several saw the outfit before he could hurry and close it. With the help of the mystery person and me, we talked him into trying it on. The next day they talked him into wearing it for crossover day. He borrowed a pants outfit from me for college and wore this to work.”

“He’s been through six outfits and has been taken out to dinner twice both by women. Anne made several key business presentations. He helped a little girl in the hospital, volunteered to be a Christmas elf, all in rapid succession. His company paid for most of the outfits and bought him a used car, for all he did for them.”
 
 
The doorbell rang, which I answered and a young woman from our church was there asking if Bob was there. I told her he was but that I needed to take a message if possible. She knew our family and that she should have been greeted more warmly.

Then my Mom told me to invite her in, and I realized the dilemma when she asked for Bob again. “You may not believe it but you’re talking to him/her.” She looked and stared at me before she said, “No. …I am sorry but you are prettier than me, plus I kissed you once.”

“Tonight is the first time most have gotten to see Anne, so you are not alone in being surprised,” my sister-in-law Barb said. Laura and I went for a short walk. She was a good friend and I had dated her at least twice.

Laura visited for a while and joked how much she enjoyed such an unexpected evening. Mom suggested we turn in at 10 if we were to be up and out by 6 in the morning at the latest to go shopping. Laura was invited to go along if she wanted. Mom later suggested that Susan and I sleep up in my room tonight. That is if we were both being girls.
 
 
When we got up at 4:00 a.m., I found myself running around in baby doll pajamas, much to the delight of my Mom and Susan. I was glad my Dad and my brother at home were not up yet. I was still in my panties and bra as Barb knocked on the door to my room. I heard she was there and said she could come in.

My back was turned to her as I was putting a dress on over my head. I pulled it down and asked help in zipping it up. When Barb spoke up and said she would be happy to, I was embarrassed big time. She complimented how well I looked and asked if I had chosen my clothes.

We were on our way to the shopping center just before 6:00. Mom had given me some money and a small purse and wallet so I too could buy presents. Susan gave me an envelope from Darla that company provided so I could treat my family this Christmas. We filled my car and I took a load home and then met them at Willows for breakfast.
 
 
My Dad was outside when we got home. He commented on how I looked so much like a girl and very much like my Mom. My neighbor had stuck her head out and I automatically said hello to Helen. She too commented on how much I looked like my Mom.” One of my brothers asked her, “How do you like meeting my sister?”

She looked back at me “O Bob, you are darling.”
 
 
After breakfast, the plan was to go to “Fashion Gardens” downtown. I was afraid about being found out by town people, Mom was anxious to share me at least with Caroline.

She had seen a red holiday dress she wanted me to get and wear now. It was snug and short, but that was by design. It was really cute and such a hot dress belonged on a real girl. Kayla was now along and she enjoyed running her hand along my leg, and up under my skirt all the way to my butt. The other women in the shop thought it was cute and darling, and told me to relax as I was among other women.
 
 
We fixed a meal for the guys in the afternoon, but with thanksgiving and breakfast, we were all filled enough to last the day. My Mom and sisters-in-law ask my weight. The last time I knew I was down to 139 pounds. They escorted me to the bathroom scale which weighed me at 134.

Susan and I went for a late afternoon jog as the temperature was mild. After I showered and redid myself, I sat down to enjoy a football game. A brother and my dad were upset I was still dressed and acting as a girl. I hadn’t intentionally done it but I had remained as Anne.

Don reminded me of my freshman year in high school when I was put as a tackle, though I only weighed 135 pounds at that time. I had gotten up to 150 pounds at college.

Mom called me to another room to hang and fold my clothes. Mom brought out some special hangers that allowed me to clip on my skirts and hang over them with an appropriate top. I had about three outfits hanging and several tops folded when my youngest brother came walking through.

He asked how long I had been cross-dressing. Mom shared quite loudly that probably all of us got into her clothes or make-up more than one time. She said, all of my brothers previously been dressed as girls at least one Halloween or another.
 

 
Heather called Friday evening sharing she had found some nice outfits to wear as elves. She also had it set with the East Central Regional Hospital for us to visit the Pediatric Department Tuesday evening, but the Department Director wanted to meet Saturday at 5:30 if possible.

Heather suggested I come in Anne mode. We would not get away from my house till 2:30 and I needed to take Susan back to our place. It did not leave much time for me to change over. My mother hearing the conversation, "I suggest you stay in girl mode now and drive back as Anne."

I was trying to get out from doing it and actually wanted to back out of the whole Christmas Elf thing. Heather had caught on and shared, "If Anne wanted to back out I want to hear it from Anne."

I told her, "It was time for me to do so and that Anne would stop being tonight."

I was not much fun for Susan to ride back with me. Susan laughed at me a few times and suggested Anne would emerge if not now sometimes. We had arrived back just after 4 pm. so I called Heather and went on over. I tried just making my statement and left. Heather said it was not acceptable. We checked one of the Elf outfits and it was cute, green tights, a short red shorts/skirt combination and red tops of several styles. A matching green top fitted under the red top and down the arms. There were a small red elf hat and white string purse as accessories.

They were cute and would cost each of us just $25. “Now put one on, get into the elf mode and then tell me ‘No’ and it’s over.” I made her promise that it, in fact, would be over when I did it. I even said our friendship would be over if it were not.
 
 
While I was dressing Heather continued to talk and I found myself sharing more than I wanted. “So have you continued to take Darla’s pills?” I didn’t even know she knew about them. I said yes but that was stopping too. “Have you enjoyed the emotions that go along with being Anne? Did you have hips before?”

“What kind of questions are you asking that is what I want to know?” I was dressed as an elf and was now trying to tell Heather, “No, I don’t want to be doing this anymore.”

Heather informed me while I was dressed and into elf mode, we needed to drive around and look at Christmas lights. She handed me a light coat and we went for a drive. Within 15 minutes we arrived at EC Regional Hospital and were going in.

This is going to be messy me having to say no in front of the Director. Heather assured me things were set in motion and if they agreed it would be done with or without me. Another elf was there as well, it was Darla with Ginger. Ginger came on strong about how well Gwen was doing.
 
 
Cheryl, the Director, took us on a tour of the two floors. She said that "We would get most of their attention. From four to twelve-year-old children were there. There were well over thirty children and another 15 that would likely be there come Tuesday evening. That would mean if 5-7 of you were talking to the kids that would be 7 to 9 children each that you would be visiting?"

Heather shared, “I hope at least three would be hearing requests and the others would be focusing on being with the children or helping with the festivities the total number of us should be at least 12 people. My attention was caught on a young boy and girl who were sharing a room. I thought they must be siblings, but found out they had become inseparable friends and good medicine for one another.

The girl was improving but the boy had come back sicker this time. He was now bitter to all except his friend. I sought to visit him. He nicely said, "You have a warm heart but other children needed your attention, as you are too late for me." I knew more kids than him were probably terminal. “I will be back here Tuesday to see you and Tracy.” Heather smiled and I simply said to her my last night can come 72 hours later.

Cheryl thanked me, as she understood I was the one to come up with the idea. “I thought the gift of time, listening and that giving that they need more than a guilt offering. I can go the extra mile to help Tuesday.”

Cheryl said, “Even with just modest gifts that would be substantial.”

“We did not come to be modest,” I said, “these kids health has been hit hard, and the love needs to be beyond us feeling good. We need to know that this will benefit both floors and to show our caring beyond Tuesday night.” With the knowledge we would not forget and be back Cheryl seemed to be well impressed.

Heather spoke up, “I don’t think the companies will allow that much of your money to go for others.”

Darla shared, “Anne has a strong following in our office we will help her do what she wants.”

I was holding Tracy in my arms as we were ready to leave. “You’re an angel and not just an elf, aren’t you?”

I smiled, “You young lady are my inspiration, I know Jim is your special friend.” We gave each other a hug and she gave me a kiss. We left and stopped at a diner for coffee and pie. We talked about getting a large screen TV for each floor and three Wii game units and programs.
 
 
Heather talked about one unit for the two floors and a game unit for each floor. And then we talked about hunting around for someone to donate the TV. I told Heather she had to put the corporations out of the decision at this point. If what we did was received well it would either gain support for other years or become sufficient in itself.

If not I promised me alone to be responsible for covering the remaining cost this year. The restaurant owner happened to be within hearing distance and had spotted us elves. He was wondering if something special was in the works.

They wanted to do something special. They asked to take care of our food and substantially give toward the treats costs.

Heather told Darla this was to be Anne’s last night, but I said I’d postponed it 72 hours. Darla spoke up, “So when the clock strikes 10 Tuesday night, does that mean if you are dressed as Anne you will acknowledge you are Anne? I need a babysitter for my two girls on Wednesday. If Anne’s around come 11 p.m. Tuesday I will expect she will be there at our house the next night.”
 
 
I was back in my bed at my apartment, and ready for bed but I could not fall asleep. It was 2:30 a.m. when Susan checked in on me and gave me a goodnight kiss on the forehead. She suggested I take a warm shower and change into a nightgown. I was asleep in thirty minutes after the shower in a nightgown.
 

 
I dressed as Bob and went and bought the six Wii game units. I called the maintenance group at the hospital and asked for two boards to be made for each floor of young people with limited movement. They asked for authorization and I gave them Cheryl’s name.

I was called in by my Department Head at college. He shared he was getting reports that I was instrumental in LITCC and Beason’s recent economic success. He was uncomfortable that there was more than he was being told and shared that there was little to no information on my involvement.

I confided with him about what had happened. He stated my story was quite unbelievable, which seemed to make it plausible knowing me. He suggested if things kept going he would be willing to have my identity changed for the next semester. I promised him that was not needed that I would be back to being Bob after Tuesday night.

He said, “Susan told me I should make it possible for Anne to attend class in my place.”

I told him, “You can do that but you will be wasting your time.”
 
 
Monday came and I went to class. It had become known I had a part in identifying corporate corruption as well as a solution with LITCO and Beason both benefitting. Students were looking at me as an experienced person of note in the business world. Some asked about the other people who helped in the business venture.

I found myself talking about the work of Heather, Darla, and other office staff as well as Anne and their success in what was achieved. I had classes until three Monday but went to work to find out the information for tomorrow night’s event. Mr. Briggs patted me on the back, sharing he had never seen such a response. Some three thousand dollars had been given or promised for what we were doing.

Mr. Briggs said it probably was very humbling for me. He supported my right not to continue as Anne. He said “It will probably be easier the sooner you stop. However, I would like you to come tomorrow as Anne before going to the hospital at night.”

I shared it was my intention as it would be easier to change over for the evening. I wore an outfit that had already been snug and but comes Tuesday it was tighter in some areas. I was pleased that I might again be gaining weight. It was not until evening and dressing as an elf that Ginger notice that my hips appeared to be getting larger. I told her I was just gaining some weight which was okay.

She told me, "Watch for guys the wight usually showed up in their gut and elsewhere. Five of us elves were asked to wear a garland of tinsel shaped like a halo in our hair. We would be Santa’s listeners. They gave us phone/ear sets to help record the requests we heard. We ate lightly before finishing our make-up. When I saw how beautiful the others looked, I got goosebumps thinking I was one of them.

I thought about how precious and special we could make the children feel. I knew if I were an 8 or ten-year-old boy being helped, I would feel warm inside. It made us feel good and I was getting excited about what we were doing. I was hoping and believing more strongly that I could touch Jim’s heart. We were told not to make promises, but to extend love and hope.

The nurses and medical staff were mixed in their reception of us. Most were very warm, but some encouraged us by saying “make sure you deliver on the hope you are expressing”. We brought in food for those who could partake. Treats of various kinds were there so well over 85 percent had something they could enjoy. The hospital provided something for the others Tracy was out to see us and there were enough of us and enough activities that she did not find me right away.
 
 
None of us knew all the boys and girls with the possible exception of Darla. I did not see her greet one child she could talk to without knowing their name and either their parents or where they lived. Several had lists they would give and share, but I was always interested in what they wanted most and that somehow I could be a special friend. By 8:30 I had heard and visited with nine children and young people and was now back on Jim and Tracy’s floor.

Tracy shared she had talked with an elf but she was happy to share again with me. I learned that it was a rare treat for her parents to be able to come for a good visit. She had 5 brothers and sisters and her parents lived over 200 miles away. Their car was older than mine as she had been sick on and off for many years. Mom and Dad had to work and their sick leave had long ago been exhausted.

They were able to come in emergencies but then she couldn’t enjoy them. She hadn’t seen them since Halloween. Tracy was uncomfortable talking about herself, she was worried about Jim. “Jim liked you, I saw him almost smile and his eyes showed he likes you.”

Jim’s parents were there with Jim as Tracy took me by the hand into the room. I saw evidence that other elves had been there, but Jim was a bit angry thinking I had not come. I told him I was no more special than the others who had already been to his room, and like them, I cared deeply about him.

Jim stressed it was too late and I should give extra attention to Tracy if I liked him. The nurse came in to change Jim’s bed and clothing; one could tell it was overdue. Everyone was excused, but I sought to stay. “I am here to help Jim through this. I have brothers and won’t be offended.” It hurt Jim to be moved, and it was pretty humbling to see him weak and quickly tire from moving around.

The nurse wanted Jim to sit up on the edge of the bed so she could do all that was needed but they were short handed so I held Jim. I could see comfort come to his face as I hugged him. Jim asked for his shoulders and back to be rubbed. Jim was quickly changed while I held him and the bed was changed and cleaned.

The nurse said, “Jim, I will have to come after they leave to rub your back and shoulders.” I asked if it was possible that I could sit behind Jim so I could massage his shoulders and back, as he could not lie on his stomach.

She took me aside and said, “It would not wise, as you would need to stay there a while and Jim might soil you as well as him.”

“But you’re not saying no.”

The nurse said, “It would help Jim but I can’t ask that of you.” I quickly excused myself to go to the bathroom, and then quickly jumped up behind him on his bed.

The head nurse came in and said, “If you stay there you will be there at least one hour as it hurts Jim when we need to move him.” Another nurse shared, "It might be 2 hours and I didn’t think you're going to last 15 minutes."

The Nurse Patti who first warned me, said with a smile, “She already knows, she just wants to help him.”

I had taken a pillow and put it against my front for Jim to lean on. His parents were amused when they came back into the room as there was a good looking elf with him in bed. They took a number of pictures. I sent Tracy to get three other elves.

I began to rub Jim’s shoulders and it was already feeling good, despite the number of knots that needed to be rubbed out, slowly but surely he was feeling better. We double up the pillow so I could rub further down his back. Jim was feeling better but getting angry.

He said, “Quit it, I am not getting better, let me sleep.”

Jim was crying, when I asked: “Jim do you think you are dying or that you are just tired of trying to get well?”

“You’re not supposed to acknowledge I am dying, no one does, but it is happening. I am tired my only joy is Tracy getting better. She didn’t believe but I think she is now getting better.” I did not know it but Jim’s health had been taking turns for the worse. Today as well as the past two days had been rough.

Jim had lost interest in his meals along with the loss of control and ability to get to the bathroom in time. He was having another accident as we talked. “You don’t need to get me anything because I won’t be here. You are probably already sorry you are behind me.” The other elves had arrived, but I needed to speak. “Jim, I am not sorry, I am glad to hug the most special guy I have seen tonight. I don’t know if you will die soon or in seventy years, but I hope I can be a special friend as long as I can.” With that, I gave him a small kiss on his neck and as he turned his head on his cheek.

I turned to the other elves, “I was wondering if it was time to begin caroling and if you could start and end here.” Jim shared he was in chorus and liked to sing. He began to sing and the group joined in. His parents scooted up near the bed and his Mom squeezes his hand and stroked his cheek. Come to the third song, Jim was weakening and the carolers stepped out and moved down the hall.

Jim was angry he couldn’t even do something simple that he liked. I went back to the hugs and rubbing his shoulder. “Will you pray with me?” I was not sure what we should pray about. But I knew he wanted me to pray that he would die.

I asked, “What if I prayed that you could die if that is to be with comfort and dignity…” Jim’s interest picked up, “but I want to be free to pray for healing as well.” He said that wasn’t going to happen, I shared, “I am not God, neither are you.”

So we began, “I am asking God for you to do what you can, whether it is ok or not for Jim to live or die in peace.” Jim stopped me. I told him I am willing to pray about your frustration with God as well as my hope in his love and power.

Jim asked his Mom and Dad if it were okay. I asked for one of the nurses to come and take his vital signs so we knew if there was a change. I asked the nurse if there were any nurses who believed in prayer as well as good medicine.

She said, she and two other nurses on duty believed and prayed often, but she told me one is not Christian.’ We asked for the nurses to be there as well and anyone so spirited. Tracy came into the room worried that something was happening; I asked if she wanted to stay for the prayer. She scooted up next to Jim and me.
 
 
We began again to pray, most were nice until Jim prayed and shared his pain and frustration. I was moved that Tracy wasn’t shocked or upset. I began to pray in agreement with Jim if he wasn’t to get well, but said, I want you God to do what Jim and maybe others did not expect.

“I do not want Jim to be kept alive to stay in bed, but I want your healing to begin and for Jim to get well. I don’t care if it is because of medicine or beyond what we expect. I love Jim and Jim is loved by his parents, these nurses and his friend Tracy. The renewal of Jim’s health would give hope to others on the floor as well as Jim. He has shared his loving and healing spirit with Tracy; I now want you to share yours with him.”

Jim’s Mom began to pray, "I want Jim well but I love Jim whatever happens and I'm sorry that we hadn’t talked about how he was feeling." The prayer lasted another few minutes with one of the nurses and Heather praying at the end.
 
 
I had continued to silently pray behind Jim. I don’t know when but I felt his body relax and grow warm. People had stopped at the door and were wondering what we were doing. Tracy began to sing “When you wish upon a star.” Many of us joined in and it was like a soft-spoken prayer going down the hall.

Someone asked if God would be offended? I said, "it was Tracy’s gift to Jim what was there to be offended about. Others filed out, but I stayed up in bed for another ten minutes. Jim and I both needed to get up and go to the bathroom. His nurse was happy as he had not been upon his own all day.

Jim asked, "A candy cane and a Christmas cookie please." When he got back to his bed, he asked, "Can I also have something to eat even if it were broth or Jello." Someone notice my outfit was soiled so Heather had an extra set of tights and bottom skirt that I changed into.

I wanted to go see a few other children before I headed back to say goodnight to Jim. I thought he and his parents deserved and needed some time alone. It was a bit later and Jim came out in a wheelchair with his parents. The hospital had extended our time until 9:30 but felt a need to get everyone taken care of before the shift changed at 11:00.

Two and a half hours was never so full or went so quickly. It was after 10:00 before I hugged Jim’s parents and gave him a kiss and hug. Tracy waited for me at the door to their room, I picked her up and we were hugging when she whispered, “I told you that I knew you were an angel.”

She told me she knew Jim was getting better. I told her, I hoped she was right and believed in the power of God and her love for him. “I have seen that isn’t always enough, but God heard us this time.” Even the skeptical nurses said they would look forward to our return.
 

 
Heather said I better hurry home as I had less than a half hour to get out of these clothes. Darla said it was not a matter of beating the clock or not. I think we deserve to celebrate before we call it a night. I agreed to go out and most of them already agreed to go. Probably 12 of the seventeen helpers went out, and Darla was the only one I knew that was married. We ended up at a sports bar that had a good crowd for Tuesday night.

Most of them were guys which did not hurt the feelings of our group. I was having a fun talk with Darla when Jack walked up and asked for a dance. I quickly gave my hand to him and was surprised as my heart jumped in seeing him. Seemingly he had filled the jukebox with slow song requests.

He wouldn’t tell me now how he happened to be there but just asked if I was happy or not to see him. I had already finished my first drink and between all that was happening, I felt myself floating in his arms. I was going to slip my hand in his back pocket to squeeze his cheeks, but he had a wallet in one and a checkbook in the other.

But as I drew my hands back up I realized he didn’t have on a belt. My right-hand slips up under his shirt, I found myself again liking the feel of his strong back. I put a hand down the back of his jeans a little ways before I thought better of it. Jack went back with us to hear all we did. Jim was up sharing he needed to leave and get some sleep but wanted to take me out in the future. I said I would, though I had no intention on following through. Darla knew that and took me aside. “If and when you give him a goodnight kiss, you better plan to see him again or you won’t like what I do.”

I told her, “I am not going out with him but I couldn’t say no either.”

“I hear Anne’s been out with Heather and Susan, and I have seen you kiss Jack so you can’t tell me you are not interested or that you can’t please a person.”

“I was with two women who knew who I was and they wanted me as a woman.”

“I think Jack would like your attention just as much, and I think Anne would like being with him. Anne, you have strong feelings as a woman. I am not telling you what you have to do, other than you can’t go out with a lie.”

I asked, “Do you want me to tell him I don’t want to go out with him?”

“I think you better go on the date or tell him you won’t be going out with him.” Jack walked behind me as he needed to go.

He said, “I don’t know what is going on but I need to go and I don’t have your phone number, so if you don’t want to go out just tell me.”

“I do want to go out with you, but I am swinging back and forth. I don’t think I am good for you. I am so surprised at how much I am attracted to you. I know that I would disappoint you.” I started to cry and gave him a kiss that went long and warm. I blurt out, “How about dinner and a dance Thursday night, you can pick me up at work?” He gave me another kiss and as I told him my phone number he was out the door.

“Now that wasn’t hard, was it? You surprised me with your tears and inviting him to take you out.” Darla gave me a hug then asked if I was hot and moist. I asked what she meant. “It’s a girl expression that your panties are hot and moist because he excites you.”

Heather hugged me from the back, “I wouldn’t be surprised if she is; I would be with a hunk like that. We should get her home, she needs her beauty sleep.”

Darla said, “Remember you told Mr. Briggs that Anne would be to work tomorrow and Anne has a date with Jack Thursday, so it looks like Anne is staying around.”

“What is going to happen when he realizes I am a guy?”

Darla gave me a hug, “What are you going to do when you accept you are Anne? You have a date with Jack, you have friends at work and Anne needs to be there for Jim and Tracy before Christmas.” Darla asked if Heather could drive my car to her house. Susan spoke up and said it would be easier for her as she lived in that direction.

Darla took me home and then pushed me into the shower with my elf outfit on. She returned with a nightgown and a pair of panties. "Plan to sleep in tomorrow, as I am not going into work right away and I don’t want to be disturbed."

“Thanks, Darla, I know I am in denial but you did me a favor and Anne appreciates it.”

The nightgown she gave me was satin and caused goosebumps to come over me. I went out for a drink of water and Darla was sitting out reading. With a smile, she asked, “How do you like the nightgown?” She felt the nightgown and then me in it. “It compliments you really well.” I smiled and sat at her feet.

I asked, “Who taught you how to help someone feel like a lady?” Darla smiled and thanked me for the compliment. I began to put my head on her lap but drew back thinking it improper. She patted her lap and I knew it was okay and something we both wanted.

“I don’t know any better than you how this started, but I knew it was right from the start. I didn’t see you as girly, but somehow I did see a woman in you. Bob is not effeminate, but Anne is very much a woman, does that make any sense?”

I said, “I just don’t understand how you saw what I didn’t see and denied with absolute certainty.”

“I think it has been cute, how each line you drew in the sand, was stepped over willingly by you. Anne’s caring for Gwen and Jim, you willing to step into your clothes and into the journey in the midst of other women have all been part of a girl twirling in a dress and so happy with herself.” That was an image I saw, again and again, most nights that Anne had celebrated. I shared with Darla so many thoughts and feelings all the while my head was in her lap and she was stroking my hair. I had seen her do the same with her own girls.

“Would it be alright of me to see you as a mentor or model of someone I should discipline myself to be like? A feminine spirit has infiltrated mine, I am afraid. I have taken to wearing satin and lace, and my heart loves soft touches and has a renewed interest in touching others. I am afraid because I like being a girl; I am fake and not real.”

“Was it fake that you cuddled a sick boy; that a girl’s dream brought happiness to so many children, helpers and nurses? Do you believe that a fake stirred the heart of a man in love who wants to take you to dine.” ...Susan said, Your mother was pleased to meet her daughter and had you together with Susan sharing a bedroom as two women.”

Darla continued, “Part of me wonders what I’ve done encouraging a guy to dress as a woman. But time and again I am in awe of the person and woman I see you be. If it is the same when you are as Bob than by all means take the easier route. You are not some guy trying to be someone you are not. You see yourself with male parts, but you are seeing yourself more and more to be a young woman mind, body, and soul.”

“What do I tell Jack when he seeks to give me a kiss that he is kissing a guy dressed as a woman?”

“Before you tell him or anyone else, you need to decide am I a guy who dresses and acts like a woman now and then; or are you someone becoming a woman and needs to acknowledge that to yourself that you are becoming Anne. It may be moving way too fast…”

I am not sure how long she talked, or how I got to bed, but I remembered to bring tucked in, given a kiss and having a doll put in with me. It was 8:00 a.m. when I stepped out to the kitchen. Rich was late in leaving for work. Seemingly he had gotten up the girls and served them breakfast.

He complimented how good I looked in my nightgown. I hurried off for a robe and hurried back to apologize, but Rick was then gone. Darla spoke with a giggle in her voice, “He comes from a family of sisters and so far has our family; he saw a girl and thought it was cute that she was shy.

Let’s get ready for work; I think the office will be happy to see Anne.” We got Patti off to school and took Cheryl to the child care program at work.
 

 
I was early to work hand had missed a class as the office women were busy talking about last night, as well as filing reports and getting their regular work done. Several enjoyed touching my skirt, commenting on how I look and all that I did. “I didn’t do anything different from the rest of you!”

“You, Darla and Heather inspired us!” …“You were an answer to prayer for Jim and Tracy!” …“And we are excited about going back and giving more love than gifts alone can express!” …“We are not alone; Women at LITCO are friends as well as Elves.” …“A number of us, like wearing skirts again and are proud of our caring nature.”

Ginger spoke up, “Anne, it may not be fair to expect, but some of us were hoping if it was you who came today, that you would continue as Anne. We like Bob a lot and understand that’s you, but we want you to know we think it would be great if you would be Anne.”

I began first to tear then turned away. Ginger came and gave me a hug and soon others were around me. “We are sorry; we don’t mean to hurt your feelings.” Then the tears began to come.

“Please hold me; it’s not that I am offended. You have made me feel as good as Anne. I know it’s silly but…”

“Four weeks ago I would have thought it silly or worse, now I think it would be sad if you weren’t Anne.”

Darla, “You could be our Christmas angel. I know Tracy already thinks you are an angel.”

“But what would LITCO and Upper Valley think? My family thinks it’s a silly college thing that will disappear.”

“Many of us don’t think Anne is going to disappear. If you will accept being Anne, I think those who understand will be happy for you.”

Margo, one of the office staff, asked, “So do you see yourself as Bob a crossdresser, Anne/Bob as a transvestite or Anne becoming a transsexual?”

Another worker said, “I for one am more comfortable if it is a woman who has to fix her mascara and makeup.” Many of us laughed at what she said. Someone asked about the garment bag we carried in, and people again laughed when Darla shared I had a dinner date with Jack tomorrow night.

Heather called asking for Bob but was told they did not know when or if he would be back into work. It took a good moment for Heather to respond. Finally, she was asked if she would be comfortable talking to Anne. When Heather asked why they didn’t just say that Darla took the phone. “We are sorry, but with confidentiality what it is we weren’t sure we could say anything without her/his and his approval.”

My mind was back at Margo’s question, “So do you see yourself as Bob a crossdresser, Anne/Bob as a transvestite or Anne becoming a transsexual?” I pulled Darla and Evelyn into Darla’s office and shared the question. They had me sit down and we visited for well over a half hour with no interruptions. Seemingly some people saw and had talked about this time coming. It was twenty minutes before Heather arrived and joined in the discussion.

One part that spoke to me was Heather saying, “You need to get some perspective: the world did not stop, both of these companies are multi-million dollar corporations and your College has over 3,000 students. You make a pretty woman, but there is always someone prettier and some who will find your flaws. You need to find yourself, come down to earth and get on with life.”

Evelyn patted me on the back, “If that was all that you heard and that sunk in it would be more than enough, young lady.” The others shook their heads and took my hands in agreement.

Mr. Briggs stuck his head into the office and announced, “Beason is comfortable in covering the additional cost of the Hospital Children’s Christmas. Whether LITCO wants to share the full cost or not Beason is willing to do it. Seemingly they heard both from the E.C.R. Hospital and the Philadelphia newspaper.” They are not sure what happened, but some are calling it the Christmas Miracle at Willow Grove.”

“What miracle?” Heather asked me "Hadn’t you answered your phone? I forgot it was on vibrate and being in my purse, it had gone unnoticed.
 
 
I called the hospital but was told they would rather share the news in person. Mr. Briggs asked if he could drive Darla and me to the hospital. I was worried and went directly to Jim and Tracy’s room when we got there. The director of nursing came with a big smile and hug but quietly told me not to say anything.

Jim recognized me as did Tracy and a number of other children. Tracy asked me, “Are we going to continue to feel like this?”

Floor Supervisor Sharon and the Hospital Director of Nursing both shared that the hospital was in an area where they move slowly and cautiously. They began to explain that Jim’s condition has taken a sizable change. I asked and then Darla if it was for better or worse. They shared “It was a very noticeable improvement and the improvement appears to be continuing through at a slower pace.”

I asked, “How will this impact Tracy, I think part of his well being is connected to her.”

Darla called Heather, sharing this is going to complicate and put pressure on Anne…
 

 
Postscript — Characters and Places

Britt pulled back her hand as I expected, her eyes were looking up to indicate she was thinking. It was the bright smile that followed I was not expecting. She eagerly grabbed my hands and excitedly said, “Do you know what that means? For some lesbians, you are a dream come true!” I must have looked like a deer in the headlights. “That means you could probably get me, someone, pregnant and we could be a couple with our own child.”

I did not let go, but I kind of moved back. “I’m not even sure I am a lesbian. I’m not ready to think of a commitment or something like that.”

My Office Gift Chapter 3 Blossoming of Anne by Jessica C Copyright © 2012,2013 Jessica C All Rights Reserved.

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Author's Note: This is the revised and edited version of Chapter 3. This Chapter had been previously posted, but poorly edited by the writer. I hope everyone finds that this chapter is easier to read and follow. ~Jessica C.

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Chapter 3 - Blossoming of Anne
 
“We were concerned too,” said Head Pediatric Nurse Sharon, “but she too appears to be getting better. We are slow to call what is happening a ‘miracle’, but both are a little beyond anything we can explain. We want at this time to slow down the release of information until we really know what is happening.”

Anne says, “I don’t know why it needs to be called anything unless one could confirm it. If it is something that holds and they are healthy, isn’t that enough?”

A person says to Anne, “But a Philadelphia reporter and a radio station have gotten wind of it and they will not hold the story beyond tomorrow morning. And if we can’t explain it they’ll call it a ‘miracle’.” Roz the Hospital’s Director of Nursing concern did not appear to me to be concerned about the news media. I was guessing but I suspected she was more concerned with doctors and the medical world at large discounting their work and professionalism.

Darla shared, “If you withheld the next reports? Then if rumors circulated it would be more likely things could get out of control. My imagination connected to health and family would be to worry suspecting that the news is worse than I imagined. It would complicate things worse if more families wondered in concern for their children, not knowing if it were Jim and Tracy or maybe their children.”

I, Anne, spoke up, “I hope you want the families, to be in on your information, so their thoughts and emotions are not swinging to and fro. The children and the families, not us, deserve to be talking with you about what is happening.”

Sharon spoke now with a stronger sense of her authority, “That sounds like a healthy option to me. I know if I were a parent who went through all they have been through; they deserve to know.”

Roz said, “Why don’t you call both families to come and have the whole families here?

Anne says as she looked to Mr. Briggs, “Mr. Briggs and I would see to paying for their lodging. When will their next test results come out?”

“We have them and the good news is holding, but the results are not officially in their records,” Sharon said.

“If they have already been double checked, what if both were tests sent out of the hospital to be confirmed? Would that help in concern of the medical field,” I asked?

I went back to Tracy and Jim while the staff did what they decided.

Tracy did not have as much trouble as Jim in recognizing me as the same person from the night before. It took a warm bear hug from behind to help Jim become a believer. It would be close to 8:00 p.m. before Tracy’s family would be to the hospital. The parents had started out before they received word to bring the whole family.
 
 
It was 6:00 p.m. when Jack arrived at the hospital carrying my evening dress with him. I went back to check on Jim and Tracy and found Tracy and Jim both upset. Tracy had tried to paint Jim’s fingernails and kept making mistakes. Nurse Staci said she would help, but decided she shouldn’t without his parents’ consent.

I had agreed to help before I knew what I was agreeing to. Part of Tracy’s trouble was her nail polish started to thicken from the bottle being left open too long and wouldn't go on smoothly. I did have a nice pink polish that I thought would look good on a twelve-year-old, but I wasn’t thinking about a boy.

Jim insisted, "If we wait until all the tests are back; my parents would be their old selves and say I am foolish." I worked to get Jim’s nails in nice shape, letting Tracy begin to polish the nails while I searched for Staci. I found Staci and asked if she would do a little special detailing. She agreed to put purple moon slivers on each nail. So I finished painting the nails, Tracy used her hair blower to dry them hard and Staci kept her word and put a pretty moon on each nail.

I was delightfully surprised as Jim’s Mom was the one mildly upset and his dad said they were cute. Mrs. Rogers calmed down when her husband said, “A lot of boys would be very happy to get this attention from three cute young women. He’s been through a lot with Tracy; I think he has the right to celebrate.”

“I don’t care if others think he’s being silly or he’s cute; I'm glad he’s happy.” I wished we could stay around and see what Margaret wanted to do. She was a twelve-year-old girl, who asked if I had a lipstick that went with the nail polish. I gave her the lipstick and suggested her and Jamie, Jim, should become twin sisters for the night. Margaret thought it was a wonderful idea, except she did not have the nail polish. I contributed that as well. I asked her to get pictures and to send them to me.
 

 
My dinner with Jack went well; it's my first late dinner with a guy. He didn’t talk like my women friends; it was somewhat nice to talk about sports and guy subjects. Jack had come from a family of three brothers and two sisters. I asked, “As the youngest of the brothers did your sisters like to draw you out for special treatment?” He acknowledged, he had been but would not elaborate.

He was the youngest of the six and his oldest sister was six years older and was often the next in charge of his care. Jack not only worked full time but he was seeking a master’s degree at nights. It turned out that he was a product representative and dealt with Heather’s company LITCO. Finally, he admitted he and a few other men were encouraged to be at the pub where we first met. Not all our interests or philosophies mesh well but this was a fun date.

'Did I just think of him as a “fun date” what was I thinking?' I needed to use the restroom while at dinner and found it interesting to be going into the women’s room on my own. I had gotten phone calls but answered just the one from Darla. I told her how Jim was doing as well, and she let me know which door would be open when I came home. I felt like a teenage girl when Jack brought me to their house.
 

 
Monday I was back into my studies, and also stopped at the Department Head and acknowledge an identity change might be forthcoming. He asked if I might be comfortable if I switched to Dr. Woods as my faculty adviser. I set up a meeting with her, Darla and me. Dr. Monica Woods came as a full professor the year before when the Department promoted her.

She was honest in sharing that my situation was not something she looked to be involved in, this early in her tenure. She was not one for backing down and wanted to know I was not a guy who would leave her hanging out to dry. Darla spoke, “Anne/Bob is likely to need more than the average faculty counsel. But inside that good looking gal is an even more beautiful person emerging.”

Dr. Woods surveyed my instructors and told me where my GPA was previously a 2.7. This semester, it was on course to be 3.75 and qualify me for the dean’s list and my first academic honors. She did confess the fact that she and I often wore skirts, had similar tastes in fashion, and she liked my ethics of involvement.

I was surprised when instead of patting me on the back for all I accomplished; "I want you to strive to do more and not become complacent." Dr. Woods said, “Make sure you finish your papers and exams on the upswing; Bob, it appears had a habit of being late or not following through. I also advise Susan and you to find a new apartment, as much as possible, to can start anew.”

“Needless to say you have the freedom to go back to being Bob and will need to wrestle with your ongoing identity, but I recommend you do it publicly as Anne.” I did dress as Bob in closing out two courses and in communicating with some of my friends.
 

 
With the close of exams came the Christmas program at East Central Regional Medical Center. Once again we were in our Christmas Elf attire. A few guys from college and workplaces came to help out and see us in our elf costumes.

I already knew it would not be all fun. Another very sick patient, Margaret continued to decline in health, but she embodied the Christmas spirit in a way, we could not have imagined. She asked my help in donning one of the elf costumes. In helping her put on the elf costume, her spirit moved me. She said whether she did something or nothing there was pain and she’d rather be taking part in the activities.

Margaret wanted to be active and believed in prayer and that the spirit of Christmas helped her to relax and enjoy things. During the evening I was seeing glimpses of light some lingering in her room or around Margaret and others moving about like butterflies. One such glimmer of light seemed to be always present.

I was distracted by what I saw here and there, I was not sure what it could not be. Meeting with the other children and their families especially Tracy and Jim helped me to get absorbed in other things. Though I had not been part of such activity before, I like others was greatly impressed.

Nurses, doctors, and other hospital staff stopped in and stayed longer than they expected. We were ready for parents to treat them special, but the focus was on the children. There were stories, a variety of activities for different age children. Even older children liked what we did. And that there were enough things geared for them.
 
 
The day before the festivities, there were signs that Margaret’s health was deteriorating but the expected pain and suffering were not there. Margaret had one unusual request and it was for an artist to come to the festivities. Gabrielle an education and arts major was recommended. She came an hour before the festivities. She and Margaret visited for awhile often smiling and then Gabrielle and Margaret started their work.

While Gabrielle was using a large easel pad she informed the director of nursing and me the end product was to be much bigger. The images of the angel's face, body and arms would change, not as though the previous images were wrong but that the figure had the power to transform.

Cloaked mostly in beauty the unfolding image of an angel showed strength and a willingness to fight and protect. A shield previously held by the angel was now falling or floating as the angel reached for a child with her right hand and with her left for a sword. The span of the angel’s wings is beautiful as well as awesome. While the clothing of the angel appears to be a flowing and glowing robe or cloak. There is a hint of warriors clothing underneath.

While Margaret took breaks, as Gabrielle continued to draw and color. Margaret wanted time as an elf bringing happiness and hope to others. Others looking at the work in progress ask if it was to be a painting or sculpture; Margaret just responded, “The angel is living.” It was not obvious for a while that there were lights traveling behind the angel. Several lights were revealed to be angels; one of them appeared to be carrying a child.

Margaret gathered six children, who were thought to be critically sick, and asked me to help bring them three at a time to her room for prayer. Later, Margaret shared that four of the six would fully recover and the other two will live longer than expected.

Discovered years later, the child carried by the angel had the same hair color as the redheaded boy who died some 14 months after Gabrielle drew the picture. Some adults were appalled about the militant images of the sword, the appearance of the warrior’s clothes under the angel’s cloak.
 
 
Margaret died three days before Christmas, and the day after Margaret’s family commissioned the painting and gave it to the Hospital. I was asked to defend their choice; luckily I had already heard the stories of many of the children. With the initial drawing displayed for two weeks all the reactions of the children were of hope, love and warm feelings.

When asked if the angels replaced the doctors and medicine; the children knew better. Two children actually shared that angels encouraged them to allow the doctors and staff to help them; another shared an angel sat with her as she went through her treatments. Jim and others shared, “We have not seen them fighting but we know they do. They fight for us not against us. I ask you; please do not disarm Angelina and her helpers.”

When asked why he called the angel Angelina, Jim shared without hesitation “Angelina is our matron angel.” He shared, "Other angels come and go but Angelina is tireless. He said, “She was with us when Anne prayed for Tracy and me.” I was not there when he said it but was deeply moved and agreed there was a presence greater than us that was moving that night.
 

 
I called home and dared to ask if it was okay for Anne to come home for Christmas. While I would not lie about who I was; my parents were appreciative that I was not yet announcing I, Anne, was their son. Only Laura and a few neighbors knew my identity as Bob.

I had until December 27, off from work. Mom went with me on one trip to shop for Christmas. She knew the clothes sizes of my sisters-in-law and the styles they wore. I got each an outfit that only another woman would likely buy. I got a pant and skirt outfit for Kayla. Mom had me pick out an outfit that I liked that she and dad bought for me.

We were on our way home when Mom changed routes and we ended at a massage place. I shared it was a nice idea but I wasn’t yet ready for it. Mom shared we had appointments and she had checked that they were TG friendly. Mom and I had time in a whirlpool and then the message. The masseuse was a bit friendly to me but I enjoyed the attention. Though I was glad my mother was there. That stopped me from asking him to go further. Mom and the masseuses complimented how beautiful I was. I insisted I pay for the visits and Mom ultimately agreed. I did receive a number for a date if I would be so open.

Come Christmas we went to the Christmas Eve service and on Christmas day opened gifts and had our holiday meal together. After we had opened the gifts within the family, my mother brought out two more gifts. The tag said, “From your friends at the office, you may want to open this in the privacy of your own home.” I shared quickly about my first office gift and not heeding the warning to open it at home. Mom and Barb reminded me this was my home.

I could tell by the handwriting it was from Darla. I assumed it was a simple outfit. Even if it had panties and bra it would be mild. This one was a negligee of satin and lace with robe, along with a framed photo of Jim, Tracy, me and others praying. My brothers were the first to acknowledge how good the elf looked in costume.

One brother joked that he knew why Jim had felt better with the prayer and presence of the elf. It was a while before he understood the elf was his brother, now sister. By then he would be embarrassed by his description of me as vivacious. He said he understood why Tracy saw me as an angel but suggested that Anne had corrupted the boy along inspiring him to live, but for less than noble reasons. Our Mom was upset that he had thought in those terms and more upset he hadn’t kept his thoughts to himself.

Along with the pictures, there were some delicate clothes tied in a nice pink satin ribbon. Mom started to put the top back on and said, “We can look at that a little later.” Something told me to be humble and do as mom suggested. The other box had no warning and I was excited to see what the office women got me, Anne. The box was big. I surmised it was either big or an outfit.

The latter was true. A red top of satin and lace, it was both eloquent and simple, the skirt was short and black and the panty/bra set was a cute pink. Kayla asked, “Mommy why are girls’ under clothing so pretty when others aren’t supposed to be seeing it?” Barb giggled, “Kayla I have a few things to explain as you grow about being a girl.”

The stockings were smooth, pretty and not scrunched into a little egg or box. Mom and Barb cooed, “I guess you haven’t had the pleasure of wearing silk stockings before? We will need a girls’ night out sometime while you are back from college.”
 

 
It was a good day as I helped to get the Christmas dinner as well as setting the table. There were twelve of us around the table; family, food and faith, not necessarily in any particular order blessed us. I delayed going back a couple of days so we could have our women’s night out. We went into the city to find a place to let down our hair and inhibitions.

My Mom had second thoughts and gave me the choice of backing out with her as an excuse. I gave Mom the same choice, but we decided to experience the night. One of my old dates Laura came with us, so there were six of us in all. We went to a place where male performers were dancing. I am not sure how, but it quickly became obvious I was a target for dancers to pick on. We were duly impressed with the first two guys who performed and during an interlude the talk was we might need to change warm damp panties, especially if they continued to get better and more provocative. The third and fourth dancers were women. I among others were surprised how we were also aroused by them. Barb even got to kiss one on a breast after she tipped her nicely.

The second female dancer was as nicely endowed as the first, but it was obvious to me that her breasts were all natural. I tipped her with a twenty wrapped around two fives. When she, Teresa presented me with a breast to kiss, I nicely used my tongue and lips to caress her nipple. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and whispered she hoped to see me later.

The next four dancers were men which most of the crowd were there to enjoy. Teresa the dancer waited till I went to the restroom and came back out to begin introducing her to me. I invited her to sit with us for a drink. I shared I was a man in transition, growing to like men more but yes I did found myself excited by her. She shared we could enjoy each other’s company if I could buy drinks and show some interest in her. She acknowledged herself to be clean but could only warn me of possibilities with others.

Being with Teresa brought feelings up inside about what the importance of how women being friends now meant more. It also reminded me I was still feeling an attraction for some women in a deeper way. Was Teresa’s pull on me romantic or a more basic pull of being turned on. How I was to know the difference be it with a woman or a man?

When we got back to the hotel Mom and Barb knew to take me to a lounge, not to continue drinking but to continue talking. They were receiving me as a daughter and sister on a journey as a woman. I was growing in new ways.
 

 
The next day at 3 pm, I met and visited with Teresa about our friendship and her life. I shared honestly that I was attracted to her but could not pursue a relationship as things were now for either she or myself. I offered her a scholarship and living stipend to the college I was attending for two years. While we became romantically involved it was not to in our immediate future, as each needed to find their selves.

Mom shared openly that she was not sure about my choices and encouraged me to slow down.

Once back at college, Dr. Woods helped me to get a couple of classes changed. The change slowed down my work to get my degree, but they would be helpful in developing more fully as a person and a professional. It would also allow me time to show myself worthy of a master’s degree program.

I saw a medical team to pursue transitioning using hormone and sexual reassignment surgery. The team laughed about how the change came about and it caused them to step back and reconsider moving at the pace we were going. Dr. Woods suggested my male parts be tucked and glued away, and the surgery delayed while hormone therapy and time give me the opportunity to catch up and confirm where I seemed to be going.

I was initially very upset at her suggesting such a needless delay as I saw it. I emphatically lost my cool and jumped on her case. Susan cooled me down to where the three of us plus my mother were able to talk. Dr. Woods reminded me when she first became my faculty/academic supervisor. “Anne, if I did not speak up there would be too great of a chance of you developing in some areas but not more deeply or overall as a woman. If that is what you want, you and your Mom can discount my input and seek what you want.”

I looked at Susan and my Mom and I knew Dr. Woods was doing me a favor and not being a roadblock. Susan asked us to go for a walk and some fresh air, so I could collect my composure to affirm my agreement while Mom expressed appreciation to Dr. Woods for her help in not proceeding too fast.
 
 
I did as Dr. Woods suggested at work and pressed to follow through in making a difference. I utilized Beason’s office staff and we did our homework and researched the financial implications, concerning the growth needs of the Beason Company and its tax and debt implications.

The findings and recommendations would be very beneficial to the company. But such benefits rarely made their way down to general staff. I approached Mr. Briggs with both our findings and my concern. He said it was the reality of the workplace. I suggested a different path with reasonable benefits being shared with the other workers. Having worked to make the recommendation possible they deserve being compensated.

One of the suggestions I gave will delay the scheduled shut down and retooling of the oldest production line by three months and extended the shutdown by month and a half instead of the original month shutdown. It would also take a fair investment into geothermal technology for the company but the project would be far more worthwhile. Reducing utility costs as well as making the company more green friendly. Unfortunately, the idea was the brainchild of Darla but never got beyond her boss’s desk.

The production line now would undergo a major improvement instead of retooling an aging assembly line. We showed estimated costs, increase in value, and tax benefits. There were the possible grants and utility rebates as well as savings in utility costs. We presented this information first to Mr. Briggs and the VP of plant management. Then we received approval to make the presentation to the corporate CEO and the Board of Directors.

Evelyn the office manager shared, many ideas going through the office pool that individually do not fly, because many of the ideas need integration into the larger system, and incorporated with other ideas before they would make sense and worth pursuing. Egos and the lack of communication were getting in the way of possibilities that were there.
 

 
During this time, Susan and I searched, found and sought to buy a large house three blocks further away from the campus. But this neighborhood was fighting university encroachment. The neighborhood association initially saw us as the enemy.

It was a declining neighborhood in danger of losing a nearby school. It could qualify for federal funding but more importantly needed to galvanize the neighborhood, homeowners, and renters to make improvements and work together to strengthen itself. Instead of a school closing, we presented a grant proposal to improve the elementary schools within the district.

There were divisions within the community relating to race, ethnic, and economic background. I had remembered where college students investing in a Philadelphia neighborhood helped to turn it around. I could see a number of men were not too impressed when they saw it was two women from the college calling for the neighborhood meeting.

John met the guys as they headed for the door, I knew John to recognize him but not by name. John was a blue collar worker at Beason and one of his kids was a patient at East Central Medical Center. “Guys do me a favor and hear them out. I can speak for Anne, you owe it to yourself to hear them out.”

We proposed the neighborhood association as non-profit entity apply for a $250-750,000 neighborhood grant enabling renters to become homeowners, owners to replace crumbling foundations, as well as to establish after-school programs using the community school, making it economically feasible to keep the school open. We challenged the college to be a good neighbor as well as commercial businesses to upgrade their presence within the community.
 
 
A representative was present for Dean of the College Department of Educational Studies with a funded proposal to provide student teachers and internships to tutor students of this school to better their education whatever their present grades or abilities. Thus it did not designate just those children at one end of the spectrum or the other. It would be a targeted study, funded for a minimum of seven years.

It was near the end and we were hopefully breaking up the meeting at the end of a very successful night, when a woman, Neeta stood up saying she needed to speak. “I heard it during the break and it’s a concern of my own that you two women might be lesbians or worse bringing prostitution into our community.”

“Well we are young college women, seeking to learn a lot that will impact the rest of our lives,” Susan said, “and honestly, I am not sure, if I and if Anne are lesbians, heterosexuals or what. I can assure you, we are not prostitutes nor do we seek to be immoral. Anne is a stronger person of faith than I am. But if you ask will I seek to be a good neighbor I can emphatically say yes.”

The woman stood back up and said, “I for one appreciate your honesty and honestly it doesn’t bother me. I appreciate what you two have done tonight and I would not want us to fail going forward. I will be living three doors away to your east and you would be welcome to visit any time.”

John the worker from Beason spoke up, “We have approved the East Neighborhood Association to act as a non-profit group and to apply for a federal housing grant, but we have not yet approved and welcome these two women to the neighborhood if they should so choose. I would like to move the approval of their purchase and request they be received as association members if and when they do so.”
 
 
The neighborhood association seconded the motion and they voted without asking us to step out. We began to weep, turned to hug each other and hesitated for a second to do so. John and Neeta, the soon to be neighbor, joined us in the hug. Someone motioned and the meeting was officially over.

Teresa from the School of Education congratulated us and the Association officers for cutting through the red tape and accomplishing so much. John spoke to me, “My sick daughter experienced a remission from her illness, but she tells me she had and still does see the lights of the angels. What should I think or say to her?”

“I am sure you are happy for her recovery, and I suspect you have said thanks to the people at the hospital. Your daughter may want you to pray and thank God and the angels for what has happened. …Do you know if she has personally spoken to or heard them?”

“Suzy was wondering if I could invite you to stop so that she could visit with you.”

“Little Suzy is your daughter. Then I met your wife Carol, she’s a very loving woman, but I don’t remember seeing you there.” John broke into tears and leaned on my shoulder and confessed he had been too afraid to hope again. He was proud that his company was part of the evening, but ashamed and knew he would cry in front of his daughter. He had told and promised his wife that he would be strong around his daughter.

“I am willing to come and visit, but seriously you need to break that promise and let your daughter see how much you love her. Many of the children and Suzy is one of them who wished the family could be honest with them that include letting some of the tears show.”

Susan and I stopped at the house we would buy and talk more openly about the possibility of us being lesbian lovers. She knew I was seeking Jack and I knew she had multiple guys she was seeing. We decide in the near future we would go to the Velvet Bar, not necessarily as a couple.

It was agreed to be on a journey we needed both as individuals and possibly together to pursue things.
 

 
Later when I was lying alone in bed I knew I could share my conversation with Darla and my sister-in-law Barb, but I wasn’t sure about Jack. Come Spring break Susan and I started by moving into our house. There were three bedrooms upstairs and the morning after we received a phone call and someone said, “I see you only used one bedroom.”

I said, “Yo creep, you are watching us much too closely; your number will be blocked in the future. If you call again or harass us in any way we will report you to the phone company and the police.”

“Don’t be so upset it is just me, Paul, from your old apartment. I was just joking.”

“Paul, I know who it is,” I said. “Are you in route to Florida or did you really drive by last night?”

“We’re leaving within the hour, but I missed you two and some of the guys were asking if you two are an item,” Paul responded.

“Susan, Paul from our old apartment was watching our house last night… Hang on Paul, Susan would like to give you a piece of her mind,” click. “I’m so pissed; I would like to ransack his rooms to make sure the creep doesn’t take pictures.”

Susan asked if he had left yet for Florida and I told her within the hour he was to leave. Susan said, “We have a few things to pick up. We can wait until afternoon and check if we want.” She asked me if I were like that as a guy.

“I know some guys do it but when they call and tell you or in some way make it known, I think the guy has a problem.”

Susan lived closer to a big city and had some friends who helped us identify a few GLBT places we could check out. Her friend asked if we wanted some company and we said yes. We openly shared our interest in experiencing the possibility of ourselves. Shelly asked, “If you are interested in each other don’t be surprised that one or both of you find part of the night uncomfortable. My suggestion is to relax and enjoy your selves. Use good judgment but don’t be afraid to say yes or no.
 
 
Shelly had us meeting another friend as our first stop. They suggested we sit two to a table as four might be a bit intimidating to someone who might want to talk or dance. I was a more than a little nervous wondering what I was doing. Susan and I ordered drinks and took in the crowd. It was a bit after 10 p.m. before a good crowd had gathered. It was definitely a lesbian bar but a number of guys and straight couples were there.

The first person that asked me to dance was a guy, to whom I said thanks but no thanks. There was a young woman first at the bar and then at a table alone. Not only did we notice each other but our eyes connected twice. She stood up and looked our way but she hesitated until I smiled.

She asked to dance and I agreeing took her hand. Britt too was in college but her senior year at a college in the city. After two dances we went back to her table to visit. She was into the arts more so than me. Instead of seeing these as negative differences, I now saw breathe of character and other things I could enjoy.

Shelly indicated we were going to another place, so Britt and I exchanged numbers in info before we left. Susan had danced and visited with others but was interested in moving on. The next spot we joined in with a group that Shelly already knew. The seats were closer and the women near me we a bit more forward.

Tami got familiar enough to ask if I was transitioning or a guy liking to see himself as a girl. She was honest and said Judy was someone I might be more interested in. Judy and Tami changed places and Tami took more interest in Susan. Judy became more interested as we talked and I was open to the possibility of being a lesbian.

She tried plying me with liquor to relax until I told her it wasn’t necessary. She suggested then I relax and enjoy myself. She informed me I had been in denial about how strongly she had been coming onto me and what I was enjoying. With that, she leaned over and gave me a kiss. I knew my options; it was not as though Judy had a hold of me. Her lips were warm, moist and I was indeed attracted to her. I lightly pressed back, turning my head ever so slightly to receive her.
&nbs
 
It was a good time as she touched me and I thought it did not go far for either of us. “You are quite comfortable in your female skin,” she said. I took it as a compliment as said thanks. She laughed about how I came out and how short of a time I have been publicly dressing as a woman.

“Would you be interested in going to dinner tomorrow night?” Judy said, “It could be with your friend and Tami if they are so interested.” …”It would help you to be out in public as a lesbian to help you see how comfortable you are in being one.” Her thought and logic seemed right and while I liked her, the two women that I was more interested in were Susan or Brittany.

I excused myself and got some air and in a bit of daring and called Brittany about the following day. We would go to an art gallery and then to dinner. It hopefully would be enjoyable as someone could explain to me a bit of what I don’t understand in art.
 

 
The night passed and come morning Susan gave me directions to get to Brittany’s area in the city. She suggested, “If possible please stay all night with Brittany.” I packed an overnight bag with the excuse it is always better to be safe than sorry. My kiss goodbye to Susan was a bit sad as I felt her interest in Shelly was rekindled.

Shelly told me, “It isn’t a matter if Susan is lesbian or not but her acceptance of it.” Shelly went on to tell me, “I hope that Susan and you would continue as friends, for you have been good in encouraging her to take her studies seriously. But I do love her and if she acknowledges herself to be a lesbian, I hope it is me and not you that she falls in love with.”

Was Susan preparing me for the possibility not only was Susan a lesbian as I too believed, but that she was falling again in love with Shelly? Mom, Darla, and Barb, I am sure would all find it good news as it would give me time to find myself.
 
 
I left and it was not very hard finding my way to Brittany’s house. She had not told me she lived at home wither folks. I was not sure if I was to be a girlfriend coming for a date or a friend who was sharing the afternoon and evening. Mrs. Powell answered the door and greeted me warmly.

“My daughter said you met last night and that you agreed to go to either the art museum or to an art exhibit and then out for dinner. So are you an art enthusiast like Brittany?”

“No actually, I am not,” I decided not to try and fake my way through. “I am on spring break and when we crossed paths, I decided to take advantage of someone who was. She was so easy to visit and be comfortable with and seemingly she has a great love and gift for the arts.”

We both sat for a moment and there was an awkward tension. “I am sorry,” Mrs. Powell spoke again breaking the silence, “I don’t mean to be defensive or awkward, but it is nice to meet someone so good looking and sharp that she has befriended. It is hard for me to acknowledge my daughter may be gay. My images of you in my mind were not so flattering.”

“I was at the advantage for appearance and understanding,” I said. “While I wasn’t sure I was hoping she got many of her qualities from you.” I wasn’t intentionally trying to flatter her, but I did hope it served the purpose. Mrs. Powell relaxed and we had a good visit.
 
 
Brittany was soon down and she looked even better in the light of day. We chatted with her mother for a while; I could tell that they hadn’t had light conversations too much recently. Simple things, like a project that Brittany was enjoying, were unknown to her mom. Mrs. Powell’s putting together a scrapbook for Brittany on the Powell side of the family delighted Brittany but revealed something of her Mom she had not expected.

We thanked her for the conversation and she was good encouraging us to get going and have a good day. Brittany was joyful as she took my hand and hurried me to the car. She couldn’t believe her mother had shared publicly to another she is a lesbian. She told me the significance as soon as we got in the car and we hugged.

“I thought you weren’t sure if you were a lesbian,” I said.

“I’m not but my mom knows I think I am, and her acceptance takes a lot of o pressure off. Does that make some sense to you,” Brittany asked? I shook my head in agreement and gave her a hug.
 

 
We were on our way to an art museum when she brought up her mother’s question of us sleeping together tonight. “Susan would like me to stay away from Shelly’s place tonight, but I need to be upfront and share something about me.” I looked for a spot to pull off the road to talk; luckily there was a neighborhood park.

I took hold of her hand, “Brittany, I really like you and I would like to continue seeing you but you need to know I am just beginning to transition. I’m sure it’s repulsive to you but I still have my male parts, so I don’t think you would want to be sleeping with me.”

Britt pulled back her hand as I expected, her eyes were looking up to indicate she was thinking. It was the bright smile that followed I was not expecting. She eagerly grabbed my hands and excitedly said, “Do you know what that means? For some lesbians, you are a dream come true!” I must have looked like a deer in the headlights. “That means you could probably get me, someone, pregnant and we could be a couple with our own child.”

I did not let go, but I kind of moved back. “I’m not even sure I am a lesbian. I’m not ready to think of a commitment or something like that.”

Britt said, “I’m sorry I don’t mean now nor necessarily even us, but it is something you should think of now. If it is still possible, it might not be for long.” Susan once mentioned it and the idea first grossed me out, but I had in fact considered the possibility. I paused and Brittany knew I was thinking something and she paused to see if I would share what I was thinking.

“I wouldn’t even know where to start,” I said though I didn’t mean to say it out loud. Brittany was texting and I was upset. ‘If she’s telling someone else that is rude; just texting is rude enough.’ I pulled back and let it be known I was upset.

“No, sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude but I had an idea. My godmother is my aunt and she’s a GYN doctor. She can’t treat me but she could check you,” she said.

“I would be embarrassed and I couldn’t afford her anyway,” was my poor excuse for a response.
 
 
Britt laughed as the phone went off and she answered and then smiled real big. “My Aunt Madge suggested we stop by around 4:30. She said, ‘She always wanted to do something for her niece,’ and told me it would be free.” Britt paused and then said, “But you don’t have too, I understand. I really do; it would be much too quick to decide something like that. I wasn’t thinking the way, I should have. It is just I do have my Aunt Marge and she is a doctor who could do it for you.”

“I don’t think so, but if she doesn’t need to know right now I would think about it. Just don’t get excited or try to push me. I’m stubborn and I could assure you the answer would be no.” We settled down and went onto the art museum and it was nice and different.

I read information about the artwork, like dates and places and could enjoy what was in front of me as usual. Then Britt without telling me how to see it pointed out themes of dark and light, expressions though possibly subtle and seen differently by different people. Some artists had details that would have astounded me even if it had been done now, as to way back then. Some took a magnifying glass to see all of it.

Some of the children were easily bored and shouldn’t have been there long, while others took longer than some adults. I heard one explain to her mother or aunt something I hadn’t seen. I was around her several times when she did that. I asked the woman, “Is she what they called a gifted child?”

“I think so, but her parents aren’t open to the idea yet, so I just casually bring her to places that kind of feed her. I’m just an aunt and it has not been helpful to speak up.”

“Why wouldn’t they be,” Britt asked next?

“It would take time, effort and money and they are under the notion that each child should be treated the same and they have three.”

I laughed and then excused myself, “My brothers would have liked that either when I dress as a girl.” The woman looked at me, “Yes a bit different but the same thought I think.” Brittany gave me a tug and we moved on. We did talk to the woman and her niece another time and generally were close to each other.
 

 
We stopped for a snack and to talk about my experience. I hoped we weren’t done, but it was helpful to think and talk. The next part of our time, Brittany wanted me to experience without her thoughts unless I asked particular questions. I agreed but asked, “Should I let your Aunt know if I would like the appointment at 4:30?”

It was just after three when Brittany suggested we leave the museum. I was surprised as I was still finding things interesting. I had the impression it wouldn’t take more than a half hour to get to her Aunt’s office. Brittany gave me directions as we drove and I was surprised when she asked me to pull into the parking lot of a department store.

“You might want a change of panties and some clothes if we are still going out to eat,” Brittany explained that an exam with a gynecologist sometimes begged and change of clothes. I was worried enough about just being in the waiting room. I said, “It’s probably TMI moment and I should just step through it, or I will change my mind?”
 
 
We found some things I liked but Brittany suggested a different color and a blouse with a slightly different style. I asked the saleswoman and she suggested I try both. She measured me and suggested a different size on the blouses. I liked what Brittany suggested though I would not have chosen it for me. The saleswoman agreed it was a good choice. “You do have good taste in clothes; I just think you will enjoy the look and this outfit flatters you a little better,” she added.
 
 
We bought the outfit and a new pair of panties and a bra. On our way to the doctor’s office, Brittany asked me if I had an extra pair of panties and a bra with me. I was surprised by her question saying, “Yes, I have them in an overnight bag, but why can’t I use what I just bought?”

“It’s sometimes better to wash or rinse new clothes out or they can irritate your skin or chaff you,” she said.

“Susan and Darla have often done that for me, but I didn’t understand why.”

Brittany giggled, “Your Mom would have explained it if she raised you as her little girl. If’s she open to it you might ask her if there are some more things she needs to teach or tell her daughter.” I closed my eyes and hoped I wouldn’t forget to ask and my Mom would say yes.
 

 
We got to the Women’s Clinic appointment just on time but it kind of made us late as there are always forms to fill out especially the first visit. Nurse Toni warmly greeted both of us warmly. “Brittany, how is the University going?” “Anne fill out the form the best you can, and Dr. Powell’s nurse will help you with the rest of it.”

I was taken to an exam room and I asked if Britt could come with me. They were accommodating but said there would likely be a time Britt would be asked to leave the room. I smiled noting I was not a little girl and Brittany was not my mother. I was given a woman’s exam cloak to change into which I did and sat up on the exam table.

“Anne, my name is Mary and I am Dr. Marge’s regular nurse. She tells me you are special as are all of her patients but in a unique way. It is our policy to treat you like any other woman, with the exceptions as your or anyone’s situation requires.” She paused and made sure I was comfortable with her examining me.

She whispered to me, “If it gets uncomfortable to you to have Brittany here, just indicate that and I will kindly ask her to leave. Otherwise, I will assume her presence gives you some comfort and will allow her to stay.” Her stethoscope went under my robe and where she held it around or partly on my breasts as she asked me to breathe lightly. She asked me to drop or take off my panties and to sit back down and lay back.

I felt awkward about Brittany being there, but instead of indicating that I asked her to hold my hand if she would. Nurse Mary held up my gown so only she could see as she examined me. When she was done, she calmly asked me to sit up and to wait for Dr. Powell. “Thank you, young lady, for cooperating and being such a good patient,” she said.

Dr. Powell came smiling and her nurse was with her. She asked Brittany to go to the lounge and allow her to examine and meet with me. “Anne, it is good to meet you and thanks for trusting me to be your doctor. I would like to look at you doing some of what Mary did and a bit more.” During the exam, she asked me to lay back and then asked permission to take off my breast forms and gaff.

I told her, yes but I had left the solution in my car. She had a solution that worked even better and gently took off both. She continued to examine me and I was surprised how sensitive both my breasts were as well as my penis. I could tell my penis enlarged but did nothing more than become stiff.

She sat me up and said, “I would like to yet some samples: Nurse Mary can draw the blood and I am sure you can easily give me a urine sample. The next question is a bit more delicate: How easy or difficult will it be for you to give me a semen sample?”

“I don’t know, it isn’t as easy as it was and sometimes it doesn’t happen if you know what I mean?” She smiled and indicated she understood.

“After the blood is drawn and you give us a urine sample I would like to ask you to try and give me a semen sample if possible.” Her tone changed, “Again this is a sensitive area and yours to choose to pursue or not. It is necessary to get a good sample of your sperm if you want to know the viability of your sperm to impregnate a woman’s egg. Either you could try alone or your friend can seek to help you. It will be up to you what we do.”

She paused and would look casually at me and then away not sure how comfortable I was in making a decision, but knowing that was why we came. I finally spoke up, “I am not sure how she would feel about it, but I don’t think my chances are very good without help.”

“We will need to let her decide for her, but it is why the two of you came here today. I think it would be good to give it the best effort possible,” she said and then excused herself. Mary drew the blood samples and gave me the urine cup to give a sample and indicated where to place it.
 
 
When I came out Brittany was back in the patient room; “I came in to help you,” she said with a smile. She raised the back of the exam table so I would not quite be fully sitting up. She giggled, “Well I can’t catch it upside down or try to catch it as it flies through the air.” My penis had no trouble getting hard on its own but it took Brittany’s touch and stroking it to cause it to get excited. She had relaxed at times and so did my penis. Luckily, no one came knocking and asking how we were doing.

Brittany changed gloves and this one had an ointment that caused me to get warm and more excited. Brittany, however, was not only more determined as she stroked me, but she also nibbled on an ear and with her other hand caressed my breasts. While it was no record for manhood, the results were good and Brittany made sure most of it was quickly captured in the jar and sealed properly. She and I did the best we could to clean me up before Nurse Mary was back in.
 
 
She told us we did quite well and the doctor would be very pleased. Then she asked Brittany to go back out to the waiting room. She had me lay back down and she washed me more thoroughly, dried me off and asked me to put my regular clothes back on. Stating the Doctor had one more patient and then would want to visit with me again.

I was dressed in my new outfit and as I was redoing my makeup and hair, Nurse Mary asked me to follow her into the doctor’s office. She stated I would have time to finish freshening up after my visit with the doctor.

I said, “But it is late and as soon as the doctor visits with me I am sure you want me out the door.”

She smiled and said, “This is a women’s clinic and we see things a bit differently here. It looks like you might be heading out for dinner and even a casual dinner is more important to a woman.”

“I am finding that out to be true for me. Can Britt be in with me during my visit with the doctor?”

“Maybe at the end of your visit, but I believe the doctor wants to talk just with you at first.” She indicated to someone we were ready for the doctor. It wasn’t long and Dr. Powell came into a visit with me.

“First, let me say I am proud of both you and my niece. Today was an important day for you whatever you decide in the future, because of now, you will likely have a choice. It will take at least a week to ten days to get results and possibly to have them confirmed.”

“I am no expert in the field but it appears you still have the capacity to make healthy sperm and semen. If you want time to think about your possibilities I would suggest that the testosterone blocker not be used at least until I see you again. You should possibly cut back your female hormone regiment a little bit.”

“I believe you are and should continue to move to become a woman to your satisfaction. Whether it is for your own use later if you would like as a lesbian couple to impregnate your wife or to allow your sperm to be used by others you need to consider that option in the near term.”

“If you want to become more fully a woman as was your indication without your male genitals at their present ability; my recommendation would be to harvest healthy sperm in the next two months and have it frozen for future use. I do not urge you to move hastily to have children or become a couple be it with Brittany or another woman. I think you are by your own accounts yet growing and maturing into your new found womanhood.”

“Let me share openly with you, your transition will be significant enough. Your being identified as a lesbian would have added challenges and significance. The right choice would be a beautiful decision. The possibility of you marrying and having children using your sperm to have children could also be a beautiful thing. If you should so decide that I would want you and your lover to be more mature than the average couple having children.”

“Would your psyche be ready for your lover to have children and you not? Being a person who matures as a woman you could possibly help nurse a child or children, even some men can and have been helped to be able to lactate and nurse a child. But to do so and enjoy it and your relationship would be better served with a mature person making the decision.”

Dr. Powell continued, “I do not know your family situation but Brittany’s family background includes Quakers on the Powell side and Roman Catholics on her mother’s side. It was interesting enough for them as heterosexuals. I honor the decisions you have in the future. But through at least your next visit I am your doctor if you want to choose another doctor in the future that will be your decision.”
 
 
The room became quiet though we talked on a bit. “Dr. Powell, can you guarantee if I stop the testosterone blocker for two months so, I could have some sperm collected and frozen for sometime in the future, I won’t do harm to my being a woman?” Marge smiled and gave me a hug.

“You are in charge of the woman you are becoming and choosing your path will only help you,” Marge whispered as she pulled back. “Let me say because you are Brittany’s friend I opened my schedule to you and I will cover your appointment costs not covered by insurance. I am however your doctor and as such, I do not discuss you being a patient with Brittany or anyone else not on my staff any part of your case.”

“Would it be alright,” I asked, “If Brittany was invited in and we shared just briefly some of what was found and talked about? It would be of help to me that I could talk with her and that she has some understanding.”
 

 
We were gone from Dr. Powell’s office by 6:15 and our dinner reservation was not until 8:15 p.m. We drove by the restaurant as well as decided on a good place to park. We walked around, window shopped a bit, and drank some wine as we visited. I thanked Britt for the day. It was nice to get back to discussing art and to get my mind off of me and my appointment.

Yes, I was excited and it remained on my mind, but I did not want it to dominate the evening. Since I had a job and Britt took me to the museum I was treating her to dinner. Eating at a nice restaurant in the city was a revelation for me. It costs about five times what I used to spend. One time, it was very enjoyable, though I felt I should be able to deduct it as an educational expense.
 
 
The night would end or should I say the morning began with us sleeping together. Dr. Marge had fixed my vagina gaff back into a place where we left it. My breast forms were back in place for the evening but off for our time together. Dr. Powell shared and I discovered her to be right again, my own breasts would enjoy the experience more.

I was delighting myself in touching Britt and seeing her body respond and the joy as sparkling light upon her face giving way to moans of deep pleasure. I was surprised when her fingers lit across my flat stomach to my chest and whirled causing bumps around the edge of my nipples. I was now feeling like a woman; it was what I had hoped but never expected.

I had experienced that joy before but fooled myself to think it was but my imagination and wishful thinking. Brittany saw and understood my surprise, but she had no mercy. She rolled over and first lightly with her lips or tongue, and then their warm damp presence brought me into a height of joy I had not yet known. I wanted her to stop, believing it was more than I could take, but she assured me it was a joy and I would live.

The heat of passion lit my breasts and between my legs, but there it was with a presence I could not see. She lightly stroked above my maleness, seemingly she knew she was exciting me, Anne, in ways I had not experienced. As I relaxed she brought me to a breast to suckle as she stroked my hair and kindly allowed me to remain there.

I awoke in the morning to a warm kiss, letting me wake up like I fell asleep in the warm embrace of love...
 

 
Postscript — Characters and Places

Characters and places
Bob / Anne — College student and pt-worker at Beason
Evelyn — Office manager
Darla — Co-worker at Beason Corp
Mr. Brigg’s — Head of Accounting at Beason
Paul, Susan, and two others — Were housemates near college
Susan and Shelly — Anne’s housemates
Jack — Friend of Anne’s
Heather - Project leader for LITCO
Ginger — Heather’s co-worker and mother/single parent of Gwen
Gwen — Ginger’s daughter
Carol - Therapist at the hospital
Sharon — Nurse Supervisor
Tracy — Patient
Jim — Patient
Carole — Store owner of Garden Fashions
John — Co-worker at Beason
Suzy — John and Carol’s daughter
Neeta — Neighbor
Lilith — Neeta’s Granddaughter
Britt/Brittany — New friend
Mrs. Powell — Brittany’s Mother
Dr. Marge Powell,
Nurse Mary — Doctor’s primary nurse
Upper Valley College - Beason Corp. — LITCO - East Central Regional Hospital
 
 

 
 
To Be Continued...
 

My Office Gift Chapter 4 The Gift Multiplies by Jessica C Copyright © 2013 Jessica C All Rights Reserved.

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Chapter 4 - The Gift Multiplies
 
I was back to college, work and our new apartment house. Susan was back with her love, or should I say her love was now with her, or soon would be. Shelly was right twice, Susan's a lesbian and it was her Shelly that she was in love with. But Susan had grown, she and her education was now more important. If she was important to Shelly, she wanted Shelly to accept where she was at now.

Brittany and I were not sure about ourselves, let alone the other. We were not letting go, Britt, in fact, would come to me the next extended weekend she had. I would be going back in a month to see her and Aunt Marge, Dr. Powell.

Darla and Heather were both amused by my experiences, mostly by my growth as a woman and the purchase of the house. Susan and I each had two rooms to ourselves. I had the master bedroom with a bathroom to myself. We had another room that we could rent out and still not be crowded or take in two people and be a little closer. We decided to finish the school year as we were.

We were indeed welcomed in the community for the most part. We had two visitors from the neighborhood the first week alone. One bringing home cooked food which we welcomed like most college students. Both visitors took time to sit and visit.

Lilith came to visit with our neighbor Neeta. Neeta was the one who spoke up at the neighborhood meeting. Lilith, Neeta’s granddaughter asked to come when she heard we were lesbians. She was in her junior year of high school and had come out to her folks and close friends just before the holiday, but she was experiencing more rejections than acceptance. It included her folks whom she was hoping we would talk to concerning her.

We did not have any magical answers to her problems, but we were able to give her our support and connect her with a support group for GLBT teens in the county. While area high schools did have GLBT students, it was the county program that had enough teens to effectively be there for one another.

Her Grandma was the lone rogue in the family to show unconditional support. Neeta told her granddaughter, she felt bad as she had stayed away from friends who had come out about their sexuality during most of her life. Until she knew of Lilith and heard us own up to the possibility of being lesbians, she never really owned up to her friendships with those with differing sexual identities.

I did not seek to give Lilith a big hug when we parted, but Lilith gave me a big hug and I felt her tears on my shoulder. It was very moving to see life not as an issue, but the life of this tender young woman in my arms. I lifted her head, “I know you will delight the heart of another and I hope you will bring her over sometime.” Lilith was happy to think she had another place she could just be.

We were as delighted to have someone in the community who had the courage to be open like her. Lilith did ask if she could bring a boy or two who were out. We agreed she could but asked that she come with them. The good news was as neighbors were not judgmental the family ice began to melt. Seemingly it was about their own acceptance in the neighborhood as well as their daughters.
 

 
I had continued to stop in at East Central Regional Medical Center as well as being active with Suzy in our neighborhood. Gilbert the boy with red hair had indeed improved in health and was now out of the hospital more than in. Visiting with the different children sometimes took an effort and became emotionally draining. It was always more than worth it. I came away time and again having received more than I gave.

Jim was steadily improving in health and only twice were we at the hospital at the same time. We would, however, exchange email at least twice a week and sometimes twice or more a day. He was a neat boy with a sensitivity much like my own. The big difference was he like being a boy and now felt it worth his time to take an interest in girls.

I enjoyed the idea that someone saw me as the person they went to in talking about girls. I enjoyed the young man I was helping him to become. I especially like that Jim kept his friendship with little Tracy. Jim was even there to hold Tracy as he prayed for her or she had a procedure she did not want.

Tracy’s health had turned around, but it would take time and effort for her immune system to rebuild and her development to be back on track. She was painfully aware of the images of what others thought a girl should be. Usually, she was comfortable with herself, but those times she or any other girl was not, just tore at my heart as well as their psyche.
 
 
I, like Jim, had known the pressure of image and performance on males. I knew in my head that girls had similar pressures, but it took being a female for me to feel it more fully and personally. While I am a good looking young woman in some eyes, I am not to others and some discount me if they know of my lesbian leanings or being transgender.

Jack and I have now become friends though I suspect he hopes my being a lesbian will be a passing moment. Britt and I found Valentine’s Day to be hard apart. She did come my way for the weekend before. Valentine’s Day it had its moment as Lilith brought over a girlfriend.

I was seeing a part of the world I wasn’t open to seeing before. Some nights sleep was hard as I had guilt issues about how I previously treated people. Some nights I felt guilty when I did not respond to others in need. My counselor for gender identity issues said what I was going through was not that unusual, save many tried to repress the feeling and not talk about it.
 
 
The gender clinic that was near me had received a report from Dr. Powell. Twice I stopped to give and bank some sperm. They also took needed tests. I was now seeing Martha Stein as my counselor. She had me do play therapy with young children at the hospital. For me, it was like getting a second chance at being a little girl at play.

Once my mother had come to visit, knowing if she came early she would find me at the hospital. I didn’t know she was there until my time with the children was over. She had gotten a picture of me with the children; that she gave to Martha give to Gabrielle. Gabrielle would paint a picture from it that my mother would later give to me. Needless to say, it would become a personal treasure.

If someone had told me at the beginning of the school year all that the year would hold, I could not have dared to dream it would be true. Just the idea of someone knowing I liked feminine things had been unnerving. Time with Darla and Richard and their children has become a treasure. One even when Britt was here to see me, I had become part of their extended family.
 

 
The painting of Angelina always caused me to stop and seemingly invoked new thoughts each time. I was offered a job there at the hospital but knew I was better as a volunteer than as an employee. Now just before Spring break and going to see Britt, I went to the hospital for a visit and coming onto the first Pediatric (Peds) floor I saw the light of Angelina going into a room.

There was a new girl Deborah that I had not met before. When I got to the room and went in, there alone was a six-year-old girl, who looked even smaller in her bed. She was turned away from the door. Since I was a volunteer visitor, I knew I could continue in and introduce myself to her. But as I did, it seemed her life swallowed any light of hope. I knew the angel was there but felt much of its light was being absorbed too.

I had gone around and knelt down to her level and introduced myself to her. It was not hard to love Debbie, but it did hurt to see her reject warmth. Debbie told me, “I have been thrown back into a hospital because I’m sick! My foster family is sick of me, so I will be sent to a group home.”

I was sure it couldn’t be true as a little girl like her should be easy to place, assuming she had no parents or extended family. There was a knock at the door and little Suzy was in to visit friends as she had a check-up an hour earlier.

Suzy had come into the room and around next to me, “Hi Debbie and hi Anne. It’s a hard day for Debbie she’s sick and someone dumped her off at the hospital.” I tried to stop Suzy but wasn’t able. “No, it’s true she has been in sick before but today they just dropped her off. It takes a lot of love and more to care for a sick child and her home didn’t have it.”

“Debbie, this is Anne she is one of the adult friends who come to this floor, we can trust her. She has warm hugs and a lot of love. Angel Angelina likes to work with her. You should be happy that she has come in here, maybe it means something good is about to happen.

Debbie opened her eyes and looked at me and then at Suzy. “Hi Suzy, how did you know what happens?” With confidentiality concerns that were a good question.

Suzy simply responded, “It’s just something we know. We look after each other on the floor. This has been my floor for about a year now.” Suzy’s Dad, John, was at the door but either knew enough not to come in or was still scared around sick children.

“Do you really believe in the angel Angelina?” she asked me. “She might be real but I know she wouldn’t care about me even if she was real.”

“I am Anne and I’m a volunteer visitor. And to answer your question: Yes, I believe in Angelina. In fact, I came to see you because I saw her light come into the room. I usually don’t see her but sometimes I know she is around.”

Debbie rolled onto her back and was looking around the room for an angel. “I don’t see any angel.”

“I don’t see her right now either but I think she is still here.” My face was aglow a bit as I felt good about something but did not know what if anything was happening.

“You do? Do you have room in your heart for a little girl?” My heart just sunk. I am not surprised by the questions a child can come up with, but sometimes like now I don’t know how to answer them.

“Wow, I never imagined a little girl would ever want to be with me?”

“Don’t worry, I wasn’t expecting you would and I wasn’t really asking about me,” Debbie said. I was still sitting next to the bed, but I felt like my heart and ego was on the floor or hiding under the bed.

My head was thinking of Darla and Richard, Heather or… I was to go see Brittany and Dr. Powell during Spring break. I had a hard enough time taking care of myself, and I would be laughed at if I said I wanted to be a single parent of a six-year-old girl. But this was much more serious than loving for a puppy.

Debbie scooted over and began to hug me, “You really do love kids, don’t you?” Debbie whispered. I was hugging her and trying to stop crying. Nurse Marianne came in to check on Debbie.

“Hello Anne, I see you have met and extended your heart to our little Debbie.” Marianne said, “She is a special little girl and it will take a special person to give her the love and the home she needs.”

I was ready to ask what illness she had, but I knew Marianne would catch herself and not tell me. She might if we were alone at the nurses’ station, but definitely not here nor should she. “Debbie, how are you feeling?”

“Annie, would you just read to me. No questions, just read stories,” Debbie asked. Marianne moved to fix a nice chair and asked me to sit in it. Suzy gave me a kissy-hug saying, “Good-bye, you be good.” Marianne put Debbie in my lap and a small mound of books next to us on a small table.
 

 
It was almost 6:30 p.m. when I came and it was 9:30 when Marianne said it was now past time to leave. Debbie had fallen asleep in my arms and I hadn’t read for half an hour. She needed to wake up and go use the toilet before going to sleep for the night. “Aunt Annie, you wait to give me a goodnight kiss?” I just looked at her; she smiled and said “Please.”

I told Marianne, “I wanted to see a lot of the kids tonight.” She smiled, “I think an angel thought time with this one was more important than a lot of hellos and hugs.” When Debbie came back out, the room was brighter than when I came in.

“Debbie, would it be okay if Annie said a prayer with you before your goodnight kiss?”

“Can she give me a kiss and hug now and just a kiss when she tucks me in …pretty please?” Debbie was now a pretty little cherub girl in prayer. I gave her a hug lifting her up and twirling her around as I kissed her. Marianne hugged both of us and we set Deb down in the bed.

“O Good Lord, send an angel to watch over Debbie tonight. Give her a good night’s sleep and good medicine to make her well. She needs the prayers of her heart answered and a loving and steadfast home to dwell. May the nurses and the angels reflect the love you have for Debbie! She needs to know you are a caring God who cares for her as well as others. You have made all the good gifts that surround us. Give us eyes to see and a heart that can receive goodness therein, in your name loving God.”

Marianne places a worn lamb in Debbie’s arms and as she smiles, I give her a goodnight kiss and pat the blanket around her.

I found my purse and walked out into the hall. Nurse Marianne indicated I should follow her down the hall. There she thanked me for my time with Debbie, let me know my time there was well spent if I had not realized it. “If I can ask you one more favor. Please go down to Tracy’s room and give her a hug and prayer before you leave.”
 
 
I first went down to the nurses’ station to say hello there as well as poked my head into rooms from where I heard a boy or girl say hello to me. Tracy was upstairs on the second Peds floor. Nurse Justin saw me and told me Tracy’s room. Tracy said, “I chatted with Jimmy and told him you were here and would come to see me before you left. Jimmy told me to give you an extra hug for him.”

“And what would have happened if I didn’t?”

“I told God I wanted one of your prayers, so I was sure you would get here.” I smiled and we shared our first hug. The visit was rather short as I could see Tracy was tired. Tracy would have a birthday in three weeks. It was a birthday most thought would not come. She was not severely sick, though she had come in with a fever. Getting her stronger and healthy was as much of a need as stopping the fever.

Her Mom called to say goodnight as we finished our prayer. I too said hello to her mother. I think it is a hard thing for a mother to ask someone to kiss her child goodnight; the only harder thing is not too. I enjoyed sensing her mother’s love and putting it into a kiss. “Mommy, Anne gave me your goodnight kiss, thank you. I miss them so much….” I left the room with them talking.

My eyes were welling up with tears and a mixture of joy and concern. It felt like I had put in a long night’s work. I went to the nurse area and got a cup of tea and sat down. The nurses on the next shift were coming in; the present nurses were finishing their rounds. I was welcomed as a sister, even by Justin. Since December I had been wondering if I should not change over to become a nurse.
 

 
It was barely 11:00 o’clock when I arrived home and Susan and Shelley greeted me. I sat down as Susan and I talked and Shelly came around behind me and massaged my neck and shoulders. I leaned back and up to thank her and she kissed my forehead. We shared a drink of wine and somewhere during the night I walked to my room with them following me. My clothes dropped to the floor except my panty as I lay down. And the massage became a full body.

Shelley was doing my body and Susan my face, hands, and feet. Up to then, it had not been sensuous, but Susan suggested to Shelly to go to the inside of my upper legs. “You should rub there and watch her for small drops of nectar.”

I rolled over onto my back as asked and my panty was gently pulled off. I was a bit embarrassed but would not say a word as it felt so good. I could feel me becoming warm and moist. Susan then began to nibble and suckle at my breasts.

I grabbed the sheet instead of fighting them off. To be loved as they were doing me, was not easy to bear, and more joy than silence could hold. I prayed not to wake the neighbors, but I sought to enjoy the moment as long as it might last. This night would probably never come again.
 

 
I needed to get to classes and then to work today and it would be good to keep busy. This semester I was taking classes both for my major as well as liberal arts classes with the purpose of maturing as a woman. The first class was cost accounting and the second class dealt with women and literature. Letty Russell was a feminist theologian from the east coast, and since I was a person of faith she likely was a good place to be reading.

A man’s world where two plus two equals four; numbers showed inequality as women often made 85% or less of the man’s salary for the same work. Two and two equals 3.75. I quickly found out now as a female student I was being challenged more to prove myself. I laughed inside as I already stepped ahead of many with experience and a reputation in the business world.
 
 
Once again as LITCO would be proceeding with their new product I would be working with Heather as Beason’s liaison. A bump in the road at LITCO was blamed on Beason because of past problems in quality control. But I would take LITCO’s product and had our testing department analyze all of LITCO’s parts bought from outside sources.

Several discrepancies had come up. One was the source of their current problem and another would be a problem that would surface with the durability of the product.

If they wanted a shorter product life, this would create it. However, in the medical field product development should be the motivator for a customer buy and to come back. Product durability should allow them to sell their previous product to a smaller institution. Finding an answer to a problem is often rewarded within a company. Solving LITCO’s problem gave Beason research only half the gain but also saved a valuable customer.
 
 
Today at Beason I would be a glorified accountant’s helper, where most of the work is mundane though essential. During the afternoon break, I talked to Darla about young Debbie’s need for a good and lasting home. She agreed to think of possibilities as well as agreed to talk to Rich about the possibility for them. Darla, however, was as good in pushing back as anyone I had yet met.

“Would you consider taking Debbie in yourself?” Darla asked. Instead of just saying “no” I tried to excuse myself of the possibility, “There is no way as a student and working I could make being a single parent work.”

I left the door open and Darla promised she could work out my problem and call me while I was on Spring break.
 

 
Time after work I was busy packing for Spring Break; luckily I had to pack only for six of the nine days as Brittany’s second weekend was packed with conflicts. Getting off in the morning I would have time to get to her appointment with Dr. Powell.

Brittany first came to stay a weekend with me and now came to time me to go back for my visit with Dr. Powell. She had gotten the results two weeks earlier about her previous tests. This appointment included getting several vials of sperm for future use if so desired. And then she would be getting me back onto the testosterone blocker and back onto her regular dosage of female hormones.

Slowing down her life verified for Anne and her counselor that the path to becoming Anne was indeed a good choice. What appeared to the few who knew to be a four-month oddity has roots long in growing with visible growth long suppressed by fear.
 
 
The drive to Brittany’s is long but went quickly as I sang along with music and grew excited to see Britt. Brittany waved a piece of paper as I arrived, but it was her that my eyes were clearly fixed on. Britt’s house was larger than I remembered and this time I got to meet her Father, Jonathan Powell. Martha, Britt’s mother is very warm and happy to see me again.

“Anne my first acceptance to graduate school, it’s near you at the University of Penn and Daddy thinks it means acceptance at Upper Valley should be likely.” She would be graduating in May with her degree in Communications and Computer Science.

Jonathan spoke up, “Anne, I am happy to meet the person who makes my daughter so happy. But make no mistake after graduate school; we want her back here in the family business. If we would get a prize catch like you in the bargain so much better, but neither her mother nor the family business wanted her to move away.” I was taken back as Brittany had not told me her father was part of a family business. While Brittany and I are hot for each other, her father sounded like marriage was already a given.

Brittany suspected what I was thinking and pulled me up to her room where our first reaction was to passionately hug and kiss. “I know Anne you must be wondering some things I didn’t tell you, but I wanted you to know me first. The family business is on my mother’s side, but daddy is already being groomed to take it over with one of Mom’s brothers.”

Mrs. Powell called us down for a simple noon meal, correctly surmising I had not yet eaten much. It was just us three women and was a very enjoyable meal. I could tell however there was an underlying tension. Brittany broke the ice, “Anne, I know it is early and I don’t want to scare you away or to bind you. However, there some things my family is already concerned about.”

“My Dad was upset when he learned I was a lesbian partly because he and Grandpa wanted to see me help keep the company in the family. And now he is hoping he can keep also his family name alive as well as keep the business in the family. Grandma Walters said I could use her mother’s engagement ring but she too wanted to make sure it stays in the family.”

“I know it is not fair, but my family has started to see you like the white knight or a fair princess ride into the picture.”

I began to laugh which caused Martha and Britt to relax, but they were also surprised. “I guess it’s funny because I hadn’t thought of my name change. I had thought about us being together too. I think it is sweet that you would consider proposing to me. What happens if we both start crying at the same time?” There were so many more thoughts running through my mind, why did I say something so trite.

My thoughts changed I spoke again, “One thing I am certain of, you better never marry me because I fit into your career or family business. Does this mean I am somehow acceptable, where another woman might not have been?”

One could see Brittany’s mind thinking and her moving close to me indicated we were probably of the same mind. It was Mrs. Powell that looked down and despondent. “That does not sound too good of me, I am sorry Anne. I know Brittany’s happiness needs to be foremost, but the image of Brittany having or not having grandchildren has come into my thoughts. I even thought children with a combination of your looks and brains would bring exceptional children.”

“Please know I hope I am growing too along with Brittany. I too would want your marriage and love to be first. If you lived across the country and she had a baby, the only thing I would want is to love you and the baby where you are.” We looked at the clock and knew we needed to get to our appointment with Dr. Powell.
 

 
It was joyful to get to Dr. Powell’s office. Nurse Mary took me back to an exam room and did the first part of the exam. She complimented me for all I was able to accomplish since my first appointment. With my permission, Mary invited Brittany to help me fill two more vials.

Meeting with Dr. Powell, it was joyfully decided I would begin using a testosterone blocker as well as go back to my normal dosage of female hormones. After a good discussion, we also scheduled my surgery to have my male genitals surgically removed and to begin forming a vagina. Dr. Powell had wanted to confirm that I was not reacting out of anger or as part of a fight with my family. Dr. Powell called my mother while I was present. Dr. Powell was pleased with the support she heard I have from my family.
 
 
The surgery is to be scheduled for the end of the school year, but I'm given the opportunity to have it the next week. Surgeon Julia Mills had a surgery postponement because of illness. Since I was healthy and issues cleared, Dr. Mills invited me for a work-up and then set the surgery for Wednesday morning.

Mom would come to the Powell’s on Monday night and Dad would be there for the surgery come Wednesday morning. I knew following surgery I would be uncomfortable for a while. I was ready to have my penis and testicles removed. It was upsetting to me as a woman, to use a pad or a gaff to hide it. Like many,I want my body to reflect the person I am.

Dr. Powell was a good doctor for all her patients but seemed to take delight in taking time with Anne. It may have been that she knew in Anne she had a receptive audience. “I am glad you have wrestled with your decision as well as the direction you are going,” said Dr. Powell. Remember you need to live out that decision and it will likely be more difficult than saying the answer.”

“Will your sperm be offered to others or are you hoping to use it with someone you love?” Dr. Powell knew I did not owe her an answer and that I needed more time to decide.

“I am glad Britt thought of the possibility so if I use it with someone I love that would be my first choice. It would lend meaning to the time of being male.” Anne went on, “The idea of having a child or two that carries both our identities would make things even more blessed to my way of thinking.”

“I believe it is too early to think of Brittany and me, but I think we would make a beautiful child and both would be loving parents… That is not to be shared with Brittany at this time,”

I do share about Debbie and the temptation to be there for the young child, “Coming up with a way I could make it work is the biggest thing holding me back.”

“Anne, you would be bridling your life, just when you are discovering yourself as a young woman. I do not encourage you to do it, but will you have the courage to say ‘no’ if your co-worker finds a way to make it possible?” asked, Dr. Powell.
 

 
On the way back to Brittany’s home, I smile and ask, “Is there any way we can tell your mother we are not hungry. I so much want to have time to make love with you.” I quietly stay sideways and run my hand across Britt’s breasts. Gentle, yet firmly I sought to arouse Brittany’s nipples as I leaned over and kissed her right ear.

Brittany giggled, “If you don’t stop, I will pull over and you can be the one to drive with such a distraction.” She used sheer will power to pull my hand off her breast and up to her lips to kiss my fingers. Such a move causes her glee and allows Britt to again be in control.

Realizing she needs to restrain herself so not to cause an accident I sat back and we visit the rest of the way home. I felt the heating of my own breasts. “So loving your new body has given you stronger feelings and urges?”

“How did you know?” I quizzically ask.

“You should remember before those feelings awoke in you, I was already experiencing that joy.” Brittany’s right-hand moved to find a sensitive area inside of my leg. “So you are warm and moist as well?” I looked to Brittany wondering how she knows. “Your leg is warm enough that even smell you in heat,” she says with a giggle.

Martha was happy to see us upon our return and shares we're having lobster and sweet corn on the cob. “So after you shower I would not suggest you change into your best clothes.”

She asks Brittany to come with her and let me shower alone. Martha wants both to apologize to her daughter, and to ask out of Anne’s hearing, “Are you sure they have collected enough for children in the future?”

“Mother, how dare you,” Britt said, “But you need to know Anne will have surgery Wednesday, to lose any sign of her maleness. And I invited her mother to stay here Tuesday night as she wants to be with her daughter.”

“Do we need to prepare two beds or does her mother not mind if you two are together,” Martha pursued like a hound.
 

 
I had taken off my breast forms for the shower as I look forward to the change to have a woman’s body, My maturing breasts fit the vision of a young woman. I shampoo and condition my hair and its volume also reflects the emerging Anne. I pat myself dry after the shower and with a towel wrapped around me I sit at Brittany’s vanity and brush out my hair and do my makeup.

I have become meticulous in care of my eyebrows, pulling out stray hairs. I notice the feminine look of my lips emerging. I hope with the testosterone blocker and female hormones that my lips would fill out. The idea of looking more and more feminine is now an increasing interest.

Though the breast forms are back being used tonight. They will be off, so I can enjoy our time more fully.
 
 
Around the dinner table, Jonathan is disappointed he has another person at the table who eats lightly and watches her figure. But I know the sports he likes and can converse about them to his pleasure. Jon has learned of my reputation to analyze finances and product development. I probably should have visited more, but I do not want to find myself in a car going to their manufacturing plant or a tour of this or that.
 
 
It's shortly after 9:00 this evening that Britt and I make our way to her room as our emotions are heating up. I didn’t really need another shower but this one's with Brit and is as much foreplay and passion as anything.

Seemingly, Martha knocked at the bedroom door, bringing something to the room. Whether she was surprised by our showering together we won’t know. Looking on Britt I felt bad about my own appearance, but good the surgery is scheduled. It does take a toll on our time together.

Seeing Britt spread out over her bed, I have goosebumps as I straddled over her. She raised her head to catch a nipple with her lips and we were soon tied together for a few hours. I notice a drop of her oil at the top of her slit nestled in her lips. Bowing down to take of it, it's like honey and the nectar of a goddess. I murmur, “Yes.”

“Did you say yes? Do you mean what I think?’ said Britt. She raises my head so she could see my eyes. I want to make love with her. I didn’t mean to speak aloud.

Quickly I'm on the bottom and Brittany said again, “Did you say yes, you love me?”

“Brittany, you know that I love you,” I said.

Brittany smiles and stares over me, “But did you say, ‘yes’!”

“It is too soon, Brittany, we both know that.” I paused but she's waiting. “You didn’t even actually propose to me, we were just talking about the future.”

Brittany pulled me up and bowed down before me, she now looked up to me, “Would you marry me, Anne, you know that I love you?” My eyes tear; I want to be able to love her as another woman.

This cannot be already today, “I. I… Yes, I said yes.” Brittany forces herself upon me and kisses me passionately. I lay back down as she persists and I wrap my legs and arms around her and returned the passion of our love.
 
 
It is not yet midnight when Brittany leaves the room and came back with her great-grandmother’s engagement ring. It is so precious and it fits on me beautifully. I kiss the ring as Brittany kisses me.

“Brittany, I do love you but it is too early,” I say weeping.

Brittany comforts me, “Tonight let us celebrate our love, tomorrow we will talk not tonight.” We both let the night be for us in our love. It is a very sweet, very, very sweet time of passion.
 

 
When morning came Brittany invites her mother into the room. “Mother, last night I proposed to Anne again and I gave her great-grandmother’s ring when she said yes. But it is too early to announce and we need to grow together. We want you to hold the ring until we announce our engagement; will you do that for us,” Brittany asked?

Her mother's smile and brought us up to hug her. “You two daughters get up and dressed, so we can get to church.” We both said, “Yes Mom.” It is funny to be in church with a number of young men looking at us and our hearts being for each other.
 
 
When we got home from church, I shared a problem, “Brittany, I don’t think your priest will marry us and I do not want to be married in the Catholic Church.”

“But can we be married in the city when the time comes and if we can find ministers of our traditions who will do the ceremony? I think we should. Would it be okay if my folks said the wedding could be here?”

My voice is choking, “Neither Jersey nor my church will welcome our union either, but I too would like a person of faith to bless our marriage.” We talk and decide she could ask her parents about the wedding being here sometime after my surgery.
 
 
My Spring break is this week but Brittany’s is not until the following week. She has classes Monday through Thursday but will miss her classes on Wednesday morning to be with me before surgery. I went with her to Fordham University on Monday. Her friends at the University knew of me, but I guess they weren't sure until now that I am for real. It is good to be with her, but I went to only one of two classes. We stay at the university to hear two friends play in a recital.
 
 
Britt adds dimensions to my life that allow me to breathe in a larger world. It causes me to wonder how my world would be for her. I expect my collegiate world would be okay, but living in my neighbor and me being a worker no higher up than I am? I grew up, not being good with conflict and here I'm worrying if I can please Britt.
 

 
We stop on our way back to her home as she senses something is bothering me. She smiles as we talk and joke about starting a fight so we could get through the first one. She hugs me, sensing a bit of my insecurity. “I am surprised, with all you have accomplished this year. I did not see that sensitive and insecure little girl.”

Snuggled in her arms I confessed, “I’m afraid to wake up as my world has blossomed. I have done some neat things. Maybe even being a Mom and a wife are possible, but I’m afraid.”

“Anne, I didn’t realize how Debbie important is. That the idea of being a permanent foster or being an adoptive parent for her is such a real possibility. I know that you feel compelled to pursue it if needed.” Brittany hugs me asking, “Would you see that as something we would do together?”

Like the phone had ears, it rang and Darla is calling me. “Anne, is it an okay time to talk?”

“I am with Brittany and we are talking so if it’s about Debbie, you or work? Work hopefully could wait.”

Darla assures me, “You want to hear this; it is about Debbie. Richard and I talked, I have to start with other news first> I am pregnant with our third child… Richard and I are both moved by Debbie’s situation and really wrestled about what we could do. While we can’t take on the responsibility for her and the one we are expecting. We are willing to do what we can. Richard said we could redo the basement into a little apartment if Debbie and you as her foster or adoptive mother wanted to move in and live here.”

Darla's talking about helping me if I want to undertake the responsibility of caring for little Debbie. “If we would do that for Debbie, we would need to know it is a decision that you would see all the way through.” I'm moved as it is a big commitment that involves more than the cost of redoing the basement into an apartment.

Susan and I were already buying a house divided into apartments for our purposes. But there, I would be separated from a network that could give me needed help with Debbie. Before I ask Darla more, I need to consider if I really could commit myself to do what is needed.

“Darla, I need time and won’t be back until at least Friday now as something has come up,” I told her. I heard a moan at the other end.

Darla spoke but was now disheartened, “I spoke to Sharon, the nursing supervisor, of Debbie’s Pediatric Unit. She told me it is possible that Debbie could be gone as early as Wednesday and most likely Thursday or Friday. Sharon won’t tell me where she would be taken. I asked her if she thought it was a good fit, but she wouldn’t tell. I asked her to say yes if she was comfortable with us not finding a place for Deb or to say No or nothing if she was not. She hung up on me and when I called back she told me she answered me the best she could.”
 
 
My heart dropped to the ground and Darla knew it. “I am sorry Anne, I know it is a lot to share with you and I have not stopped calling around, but I don’t know where to call next. I thought I needed to be upfront with you and to offer all the support we can if you're committed to doing it. It’s not fair, Debbie deserves better.”

“Rich and I did visit her over the weekend; she is quite a sweet little girl. We can see why you are taken with her. Sharon and Maria said she loves you too; it may not be fair to tell you that.”
 
 
I broke into tears; so much so, I gave my phone over to Brittany. People at the café even ask if I'm okay or if they could help. I take back my phone and walk outside and into the car. “Darla, did you ask Sharon what she thought of me taking Debbie?”

“Sharon said, it isn’t fair to you, but she thought it was the only possibility that would work for Debbie. She doesn’t like Debbie’s caseworker, but she did ask her if a responsible 20-year-old woman could be a foster or adoptive parent? I don’t remember the worker’s name, but she said the State would go out of their way to make it work. Debbie is a black-eye to them and even if it buys them a year they would approve it.”

“The worker told Sharon not to tell the prospect, but once the State gets her off their hands, the person will find herself stuck with Debbie.”

“They wouldn’t have to worry, my feelings are mutual. I wouldn’t turn Debbie back over to them. They have hurt her enough.” I'm angry with them and others for hurting Debbie. “I am to have surgery Wednesday. If I were there Friday to sign papers, I wonder if they could find a reason to keep Debbie until Monday for me.”

“Anne it is not fair to you, even though I was hoping you would say that. I think you will be a super Mom.” Darla goes on to say, “I will tell Mr. Barnes, he should put you on Maternity Leave. Beason does that for adopting families.”

“But I am a part-time worker and don’t qualify for benefits. And I like working anyway,” I tell her.

“If you take Debbie, you will need to take the time whether you like it or not. You will be a good mother from the outset or you shouldn’t do it. Deborah needs a good Mommy and I will be very upset if you are anything but. Do you hear me?” We soon stopped our conversation and Britt and I make our way back to her house.

I am not sure if I would be losing Brittany, doing what I'm doing. But Brittany is presently strong and supportive. If I would lose her, I am sure by her actions it would not be till after I left. I did ask, “Britt please do not to tell your Mom what I’ve decided. I will tell her Thursday or Friday before I leave. I know I should have talked to you, but this is something I need to do. I don’t want to lose you, but I'd understand.”
 

 
Back at the Powell’s Britt shares how proud she is of me. She and I visit, “Brittany, I want to ask you not to say anything to your Aunt, Dr. Powell. She did not want me to take responsibility for Debbie, and I am afraid she might ask the surgeon not to do the surgery.”

Brittany said, “My Aunt can be trusted; I can’t lie to her. All I can say is I won’t tell her if I am not asked.” I agree I could not hold Britt to my previous request. As we were called to dinner we're both very affectionate with each other again.
 
 
I call my mother and visit about the upcoming surgery and my excitement of being a woman. “Honey, this is the first time I actually hear you disgusted with your male appendage. It kind of tells me your past any question about your boy self and onto being the young woman you are becoming.”

“I’m sorry Mom, maybe a daughter shouldn’t share this, but I want to be with Brittany and it is much more than the way to our intimacy.” I'm a bit angry but Mom giggled.

“And you are not interested in putting yourself into her one last time,” Mom asked? Then she asked, “If I get to the Powell’s in time for your appointment tomorrow with Dr. Mills; would you mind if I went with you?”

“No Mom, Brittany may meet us there, if she is out from her classes, but I would love for you to be with me. It might be a little awkward since I am now your daughter instead of your son. Your daughter is more likely to have tears and want to hold onto you.” Mom is supportive and understanding and gives me a sense of confidence as we talk.

“I should be there by 10:30 a.m. tomorrow; please tell the Powell’s I appreciate greatly being able to stay there. Is there any other news you have for me?” While it was not unusual for my Mom to say; I wonder ‘did she know’?

“Yes, Mom there is. How would you like to be a grandmother again,” I awkwardly ask? Without a chance to respond, I remind her of the young girl Debbie that I talked about. But I had not shared with her about the possibility of taking responsibility for Deb…

Mom abruptly interrupted me, “I would like to tell you many things, but I suspect you need most of all to know our love and support for you young lady. Your timing, preparation for such a venture and much more should be different. But I understand your heart and motivation are right…” Now Mom was in tears. “I hope this is not your reason for the surgery,” she said and waited for my confirmation that is was not.

“I know you are in love with Brittany, but if you take in Deborah, you should do so as your child. And your daughter, she should become a priority, if you can’t do that be fair to her and do nothing.” I am really appreciative my Mom was talking to me as an adult daughter and the would-be mom of Debbie. “Do you have clothes sizes for her so we can do some shopping after your appointment tomorrow?”
 

 
When our conversation ends, I called Sharon at East Central Hospital. Darla had already called so Sharon knew I'm committed to taking Debbie. Sharon asks if I can hold on as she wants to talk to me from Debbie’s room. “I think there is a little girl here who needs to hear this news from you,” Sharon says. She hands to the phone to Debbie. Debbie says, “You aren’t here and I’m scared. I told you what they would do, you left me too,” Debbie quickly said!

“Debbie, I love you and I would like to be your mommy.” I could hear Debbie scream and Sharon comfort her saying it was true… After she had calmed down, I said, “I don’t have experience being a mom and I am probably too young. I wish I could have found you a real mommy.”

‘You will be my real mommy, won’t you? I’ll try to be good very good Mommy; I don’t want you to send me away ever. Can I call you ‘Mommy’?” Sharon took the phone and tells me, “She will have trouble believing it is true, but I and the other nurses will help her. Darla said, she might be here today or tomorrow, I think that will help as well.”

“Is it true you will be having surgery but will be here Friday and ready to take your daughter on Monday?” I tell her it's true and she suggests I could recuperate in Deb’s room and even sleep there.

“What I need Sharon is to know her sizes so I can do some clothes shopping?” Sharon told me, “Debbie has plenty of jeans, sweat, and T-shirts from what her worker says, but nothing nice the past two years.”

I cry thinking how Debbie had been treated. “I have enough money to get started with clothes, toys and her bedroom furniture,” I say to Sharon, “After that, I will be a single mom, but we will have enough love to go around.”

I'm a bundle of mixed emotions as sleep tonight.
 

 
Postscript — Characters and Places

Characters and places
Bob / Anne — College student and pt-worker at Beason
Evelyn — Office manager
Darla — Co-worker at Beason Corp
Mr. Brigg’s — Head of Accounting at Beason
Paul, Susan, and two others — roommates near college
Susan and Shelly — Anne’s housemates
Jack — Friend of Anne’s
Heather - Project leader for LITCO
Ginger — Heather’s co-worker and mother/single parent of Gwen
Gwen — Ginger’s daughter
Carol - hospital Therapist
Sharon — Nurse Supervisor
Tracy — Patient
Jim — Patient
Carole — Store owner of Garden Fashions
John — Co-worker at Beason
Suzy — John and Carol’s daughter
Neeta — Neighbor
Lilith — Neeta’s Granddaughter
Britt/Brittany — New friend
Mrs. Powell — Brittany’s Mother
Dr. Marge Powell,
Nurse Mary — Doctor’s primary nurse
Upper Valley College - Beason Corp. — LITCO - East Central Regional Hospital
 
 

 
 
To Be Continued...