A Love Letter

I love you, since when? I don’t know
I just know this love, that has awakened me
that came into my life unexpectedly
and called to my heart without my look

I love you, since when? I do not know
Since I first looked into your eyes
since I first trembled by your side
since I knew I must be wherever you are.

Do you love me? I understand, I have felt it
when I hear your voice quivering
when I feel without looking that you gaze on me
when I feel that I am living in your dreams
how beautiful is this love that means happiness
which grows with us and within us
and will only ever die when we do so ourselves

There is no ink or paper enough to write how much I love you in letters

Carry On

Well I woke up to the sound of silence
the cars were cutting like knives in a fist fight
and I found you with a bottle of wine
your head in the curtains
and heart like the Fourth of July

You swore and said
"We are not
We are not shining stars"
This I know
I never said we are

Though I've never been through hell like that
I've closed enough windows
to know you can never look back

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground
Carry on

Carry on, carry on

So I met up with some friends
at the edge of the night
At a bar off 75
And we talked and talked
about how our parents will die
All our neighbours and wives

But I like to think
I can cheat it all
To make up for the times I've been cheated on
And it's nice to know
When I was left for dead
I was found and now I don't roam these streets
I am not the ghost you are to me

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground
Carry on

Whoa
My head is on fire
But my legs are fine
After all they are mine
Lay your clothes down on the floor
Close the door
Hold the phone
Show me how
No one's ever gonna stop us now

Cause we are
We are shining stars
We are invincible
We are who we are
On our darkest day
When we're miles away
Sun will come
We will find our way home

If you're lost and alone
Or you're sinking like a stone
Carry on
May your past be the sound
Of your feet upon the ground
Carry on

Carry on, carry on

http://youtu.be/q7yCLn-O-Y0

I'm addicted to this song, I hope you all enjoy it too :)

Coffee Aroma

I'm back now, without knowing why
I feel so happy, because I'll meet my love today
Happy I am and more I will be
My soul yearns, my heart beats
It's the thrill of a first date
The first time, facing each other
And drinking coffee together.

Starbucks Cafe, it’s the perfect place
The perfect excuse, the stopover,
the witness of a deal, a contract,
a welcoming or a farewell
coffee that gives life to the spirit
It is soul its smell, its energy its taste.

The intimate conversation flows
Love is like the coffee smells
and tastes sweet and quiet
Smell of warmth and tenderness
we are enjoying each other
we are aroma and essence

You my love, sweet my life
You melt my heart
Just with a glance
You my inspiration
Recipe of passion

You’re that special one
I can’t live without
You’re my lucky star
Because everything
I have ever wished for
Is everything you are.

Don’t let me fall

Underneath the moon, underneath the stars
Heres a little heart for you, up above the world
Up above it all heres a hand to hold on to

But if I should break, if I should fall away
What am I to do?

I need someone to take a little of the weight
Or I’ll fall through
You’re just the one that I’ve been waiting for
I’ll give you all that I have to give and more
But don’t let me fall

Take a little time, walk a little line
Got the balance right, give me a little love
Gimme just enough, so that I can hang on tight

We will be alright, I’ll be by your side
I won’t let you down
But I gotta know no matter how things go
That you will be around.

Underneath the moon, underneath the stars
Here is a little heart for you
Up above the world, up above it all
Heres a hand to hold on to.

You ll be the one that I ll love forever more
I ll be here holding you high above it all

Dopamine

I want to find a great medicine
that dopamine release in me
To feel that I can forget you,
Stay away from you just one night.

Leakage of love, disappointment,
carpediem today I’m resurrection
The night is my anesthesia, oh, oh,
envelops me and gives me amnesia oh, oh
my mind gives many turns, oh, oh
I have to forget about you today
The night is my anesthesia.

I don’t want more tragedies in my life,
I prefer to accept my loneliness
Than to be like the Lady of Camellias
and die in schizophrenia.

How much longer my amnesia will last
I don ´t care I just want to forget.
I lost the dopamine that had on hand,
the night is my anesthesia, oh, oh
I sleep and I get amnesia, oh oh
I have to forget about you today
The night is my anesthesia.

I'm not asking you to give me the sea,
I just want you to give me a kiss.

Girls wanna have Fun !!!

We come home in the morning light
My mother says “When you gonna live your life right”?
Oh mother dear we’re not the fortunate ones
And girls we wanna have fun

Oh girls just wanna have fun.

The phone rings in the middle of the night
My father yells “What you gonna do with your life”?
Oh daddi dear you know you’re still number one
But girls we wanna have fun
Oh girls just wanna have fun

That’s all they really want !!!
Some Fun !!!

When the working day is done
Oh girls, we wanna have fun
Oh girls, we wanna have fun

Some boys take a beautiful girl
And hide her away from the rest of the world
I want to be the one to walk in the Sun
Oh girls, we wanna have fun
Oh girls, we wanna have fun

My chemistry with yours make possitive charge … Ouch !!!

Give a little love

Well I know my death will not come
‘til I breathe all the air out my lungs
‘til my final tune is sung
That all is fleeting
Yeah, but all is good

And my love is whole being
And I’ve shared what I could
But if you give a little love, you can get a
Little love of your own
Don’t break his heart

Yeah, if you give a little love, you can get
A little love or your own
Don’t break his heart

Well my heart is bigger than the earth
And though life is what gave it love first
Life is not all that it’s worth
‘cause life is fleeting
Yeah, but I love you <3

And my love surrounds you like an ether
In everything that you do
But if you give a little love, you
Can get a little love of your own
Don’t break his heart

Yeah if you give a little love,
You can get a little love of your own
Don’t break his heart (x 3)

Well if you are (what you love)
And you do (what you love)
I will always be the sun and moon to you
And if you share (with your heart)
Yeah you give (with your heart)
What you share with the world
Is what it keeps of you….

This video made my day enjoy it !!
http://youtu.be/y_JAlTxc1k4

HELLO !!!

I could stick around and get along with you, Hello, oh. Oh. Oh
It doesn’t really mean that I’m into you. Hello, oh, oh, oh
You’re alright but I’m here darling to enjoy the party
Don’t get to excited cuz that’s all you’ll get from me

Yeah I think you’re cute but really you should know….
I just came to say Hello, Hello, Hello
I’m not the kinda girl who’d get messed up with you, Hello
I’ma let you try to convince me to…. Hello

It’s alright, I’m getting dizzy, just enjoy the party
It’s okay with me if you don’t have much to say, Hey
Kinda like this thing but there’s something you should know…
I just came to say Hello, Hello, Hello….

Official anthem of guys who have been friendzoned, enjoy it !!!

http://youtu.be/5P4vrn-Qz7k

I love you like a love song

It’s been said and done, every beautiful thought’s
Been already sung and I guess right now here’s another one
So your melody will play on and on with the best of them
you’re a beautiful, like a dream come alive, incredible,
a centrefold miracle, lyrical
You’ve saved my life again and I want you to know baby

I - I love you like a love song baby
I-I love you like a love song baby
I-I love you like a love song baby
And I keep hittin re-peat-peat-peat-peat —peat-peat

Constantly sweetheart, you played through my mind like a symphony
There’s no way to describe what you do to me, You just do what you do

And it feels, like I’ve been rescued, I’ve been set free
I’m hypnotized by your destiny, You are magical, lyrical,
Beautiful you are…. And I want you to know baby

None compares, you stand alone to every record I own
Music to my heart, that’s what you are, a song that goes on and on

I-I love you like a love song baby
I-I love you like a love song baby
I-I love you like a love song baby
And I keep hittin re-peat-peat-peat-peat-peat

Peanut butter & Jelly
Bee’s & honey
Ying & Yang
Salt & Pepper
Jack & Jill
Mac & cheese
Sugar & Spice
You & me ♥♥♥

In the middle of the Storm

He vowed to stay with you and you spoke of eternities
In good times it’s easy to say “I will not fail”;
For sunny meadows you walked together
With kisses and love; they sheltered you both

Now the ground trembles beneath your feet
And continents tear apart in your world
And stars are fleeting and fall to the Earth
Life’s briefness suddenly you feel

Hold to His hand and trust to His promises
But who can endure the test, who can
Weather the tempest? It only can be done
if love is true

In the midst of the storm, against the fury of the sea
against the four elements’ rage, I’ll not fail you;
I am here, here I will stand, here I hold fast for you.

And giant waves surge at you
Entire cities topple, crumble to dust
The mountains are brought low, broken as blocks of salt
How fragile you feel being so, so mortal

Great rocks fall to the sea and are given back as sand
Oak breaks when thunder shouts, lightning stuns
And he leaves you and he forgets you
Your heart’s cry rips your soul because he will not follow you

Send the worst, let the volcano erupt
Send lashing hail, let the hurricane come
against all odds, nothing makes me bend
Hold to His hand and trust to His promises
But who can endure the test, who can
Weather the tempest? It only can be done
If love is true. He is my strength,
I will not fail you; here I am, here I will stand
A safe landfall for you

Look at infinity there is something for eternity.
I am real love, I won't forsake you, I will be strong
To lift not just the one but we two
Together.

Knock, Knock

A second, a minute, an hour, a day goes by
I'm hoping, just to be, by your side
I'm turning, the handle, it wont open
Don't make me wait
'cuz right now I need you're mile

When life had locked me out
I turn to you, so open the door
You are all I need right now
It's true, nothing works like you

A warm bath, a good laugh
And old song you know by heart
I've tried it, but they all leave me cold
So I'm now here waiting to see you
My remedy.

For all this been hurting me
When life had locked me out
I turn to you, so open the door
You are all I need rightnow
It's true, nothing works like you.

And you seems to know the way
To turn my frown upside down
You always know what to say
To make me feel like everything's Okay

When life had locked me out
I turn to you, so open the door
You're all I need right now it's true
Nothing works like you.

I love you for all that you are,
all that you have been
and all you're yet to be !!!

http://youtu.be/gT_TAHr5-4g

Love in the Web

Surfing the Internet
In a chat I checked out
and I met my love there
In his privated e.mail
I infiltrated since then

And every night we join in a chat
We found love there
"love & affection@com"
this is our domain since then
And it is registered in my heart

Without you I could not live
I thought of you today
but that is nothing new
I thought about you yesterday
and days before that too

the web is full of passion now
love has no boundaries for us
The cyber space, you and I.

Six o'clock and connection is done
I open the browser
And I am filled with hope
Wishing you could drop

I received in my mailbox
A photograph of my love
And my imagination flies full of love

I think of you in silence
I often speak your name
All I have are memories
and a picture in a frame

Your memory is a keepsake
from which I will never part
thanks to the internet
that filled with love my heart

Loveblind

Everyone wants me to stay away from him
that he is the worst and he doesn’t love me ...
they say I'm so loveblind that I can’t see
I don’t care if he has no money, no job or if he is strange
They say he is playing falsely and that I’m his game

I must confess that when he kisses me
the world is spinning inside my head,
I close my eyes and I feel his breath,
my blood burning any negative thoughts to nothing.

and I trust, I trust, I trust him ..
I believe him when he says he loves me
I think his love will be eternal
I think he's the finest man in the world
I think the moon is made of cheese
and when he kisses me I don't care if he lies,
I just trust him

with my closed eyes I’ll follow behind him
with my closed eyes I’ll always love him
with my closed eyes I’ll forever trust him
with my closed eyes I want to believe
I’ll trust in him

Dear twin soul, I Love You ! every day a little more and more

An oldie one movie and song, I saw this movie yesterday on tv, just wanted to share it with all the pretty ladies in this site, isn’t lovely ?

http://youtu.be/Wzii8IuL8lk

PRETTY WOMAN

Pretty woman, walking down the street
Pretty woman, the kind I like to meet
Pretty woman, I don’t believe you’re not the truth
No one could look as good as you, mercy

Pretty woman, won’t you pardon me
Pretty woman, I couldn’t help but see
Pretty woman, that you look lovely as can be
Are you lonely just like me, wow

Pretty woman, stop a while
Pretty woman talk a while
Pretty woman give your smile to me
Pretty woman yeah, yeah, yeah
Pretty woman look my way
Pretty woman say you’ll stay with me

‘cause I need you, I’ll treat you right
Come with me baby, be mine tonight

Pretty woman, don’t walk on by
Pretty woman, don’t make me cry
Pretty woman, don’t walk away, hey… okay
If that’s the way it must be, okay

I guess I’ll go on home, it’s late
There’ll be tomorrow night but wait
What do I see ? Is she walking back to me
Oh, oh, pretty woman !!!

I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you
Get ready for some crazy thing !!! ; )
Sto pensando ancora a te. Ti amo

Since you arrived
I stop feeling colder
my blood is boiling
my heartbeat can be heard

Since you arrived
being happy is easy
contemplating moon
it’s more than a simple feeling.

since you arrived
there is no better reason
to wake each morning
just to feel I'm living.

Time makes you to realize that the best
was not the future you were waiting for,
however, it was the real time you were living just then.
I loved you yesterday, I love you today and I will love you tomorrow

THE SHOW

I’m just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don’t know where to go
Can’t do it alone
I’ve tried, and I don’t know why….

Slow it down, make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop
‘cause it’s too much yeah it’s a lot
To be something I’m not
I’m a fool out of love
‘cause I’m just can’t get enough…

I’m just a little girl, lost in the moment
I’m so scared but I don’t show it
I can’t figure it out, it’s bringing me down
I know I’ve got to let it go…
And just enjoy the show.

The sun is hot in the sky
Just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the signs
And synchronize in time
It’s a joke, nobody knows
They’ve got a ticket to the show

I’m just a little girl lost in the moment
I’m so scared but I don’t show it
I can’t figure it out, it’s bringing me down
I know I’ve got to let it go….

The pure and simple truth is rarely
Pure and simple.

The Key to Love

The key to love is understanding
The ability to comprehend not only the spoken words
But those unspoken gestures, the little things that say
So much by themselves.

The key to love is forgiveness
To accept each others faults and pardon mistakes,
Without forgetting, but with remembering
what you learn from them.

The key to love is sharing
Facing your good fortunes as well as the bad together;
Both conquering problems, forever searching for ways
To intensify your happiness.

The key to love is giving
Without thought of return, but with the hope
of just a simple smile and by giving in
but never giving up.

The key to love is respect
Realizing that you are two separate people
With different ideas; that you don’t belong to each other
That you belong with each other and share a mutual bond.

The key to love is inside us all
It takes time and patience to unlock all the ingredients
That will take you to it threshold; it’s the continual learning
Process that demands a lot of work…..
But the rewards are more than worth the effort…..
And that is the key to love.

Love isn't all about flirting, hugs and kisses. Love is about having the ability to take all those things away and still having feelings for that person. Ti amo piu bella cosa, grazie di esistere!!

TRUE LOVE
Like the rain in the desert you watered
of faith my heart, drowned my fears
Like a sweet voice in the silence
So we got love, "True Love"

And so I was waiting to you daily
Without law, without a schedule
And so I went awakening
In every dream where were you?

And no one was looking for, and nobody planned it that way
It was the destiny, that you were for me
And no one will bet, that it would be so happy
But Cupid took pity on me

I love you because the person who am I when I am with you

At School

I Never Pay Attention In Maths,
But If I Did,
I Still Could Not Calculate
How Much I Love You : )

I Pay Much Attention In English,
But Still I Can't Describe In Words
How Much I Love You, : )
But I Know:
I Never Wanna Lose You!!! : )

I'm Not Good In History,
Because I Only Can Think Of Our
Future : )

I Never Listen When I Have
Geography, Because I Don't Need An
Atlas To Know That
You Are My World . . . ♥ ♥ ♥

We are all a little weird and, life's a little weird,
and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible
with ours we join up with them and fall in mutual
weirdness and call it LOVE : )

If You Want To Love Me

If my silence is too low
then ask what you need to know.
Don't be afraid to be wrong
about me with the little that I show.

We're all made different,
some guard and some defend
but we all try to save ourselves
from what we define as pain.

You don't always need to agree
or see just what I see.
I understand that our vision is
made out of the things that we believe.

Come in before you leave,
look around before you judge me.
Don't be afraid to know
the real me if you really want to love me.

---

Image Credits: All images purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com:=

Couple in the Moonlight,

Valentine's Day Background,

Passionate Couple in the sun,

Couple with their heads together,

Couple Kissing, and a composite of the listed images.

Separator licensed free for all uses and publishing from Photoshopgraphics.com.

The model(s) in these images are no way connected with this story, nor supports or conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

Author's Notes: I would like to thank Karin Beyaert & Sephrena from the bottom of my heart for graciously editing my writing. English is not my native language. This is also my first story. None of this would not have been possible without both of their efforts. ~Femme Girly.

---

 
 

 
 

It was a brilliant morning. The weather was nice but a bit cool. The sky was a beautiful deep blue. When I saw him, he appeared to be the most splendid example of a human being that my emerald green eyes could ever capture! He was quite young (only 30), wonderfully handsome, extremely agreeable, sensible, good-humored, and lively - just what a young boy ought to be! His skin glowed in the intense sunlight and made him look slightly interesting. He approached me. Slowly, a powerful desire to speak to him grew within me. I wanted to break the silence that overwhelmed the both of us. At that moment, my mind went to a strange world of fantasy and I noticed the patterns in his cute embroidered sweater. Suddenly, a cold wind hit us and with a gesture of tenderness and love, he hugged me and offered me his sweater. It was right then that I felt a special connection with him. Paolo was his name.

Oooh and his rare and ancient name… Sounding like a poem from days long passed by.

We talked and both kept looking at each other. I felt that we had a lot in common; it seemed as if nothing of one could elude the other. Then, for a moment, the two of us remained silent as I looked into his eyes and saw that behind this dazzling male beauty and tenderness he hid a secret from me.

He told me what he was thinking and I realized that I could read his mind; but what exactly was the nature of his secret?
 

 
Over the months, I met him quite frequently and fell in love with this beautiful soul. I could feel his love so close to mine. We had fun, enjoyed each other's company, and started to know one another better and better.

I had always thought that love will never knock at my door again, he came into my life, filling it with happiness, joy and mystery. My boring life of an ordinary girl of 25 years old became an adventure every day since I had met him. My days were full of excitement and of course, love. An unexpected love.
 
 
One day, I took the plunge and invited him for a walk with me. I have never done this before, but it was a memorable time, and he was nice and cute. Well, I suppose the real reason is that the 13th of every month is a lucky day for me. Seemingly strange, but that's my life.

During our walk he told me, "Bianca, my heart did not belong to anyone. It is has been more than 3 years that I have been alone. I have been shattered and did not expect anyone to come and fix me. I am so happy that you came into my life. You are the sunshine that drives all the sadness and hurt from my heart."

I will never forget that day. He first showed his true feelings towards me, and to compensate him, trying to mitigate a little bit his sadness, I decided to tell him how much I felt about him.

"Paolo, I discovered that I like you, and thanks to you, I am smiling and singing again. I feel a particular attraction to you. I..."

But he put his finger on my mouth, stopping my words.

And do you want to know what he told me?

What he said was,"Bianca, I am afraid to fall in love. And for the moment, I don't want to try."

At that moment my heart broke into many pieces. I didn't want to take part of his existence. I felt a great disappointment and wanted to get as far away from him as possible, but it was useless. Life hung out with us every day, and I felt I could not go anywhere where he would not be. But I tried.

In the days to come, whenever he tried to talk to me, I just ignored him and walked on away.
 

 
I was walking in the garden, close to my office, thinking about him and resigning myself to the fact that he would be in my mind every day of my life, when suddenly, he stood in front of me. He was wearing his red shirt, blue jeans, and his irresistible smile. He stared straight into my eyes, melting my resolve. I had no choice as my eyes met his. Deeply drawn into the moment, and there were now no barriers between us. He was fully opened to me and I found that I did not have the courage to ask him what his feelings towards me were. I was nervous and felt a complete fool, but I do not regret it. I found that the biggest mistake of my life, as I sat beside him, was that I discovered that what I was feeling was not but a simple "I love you," but rather, a special "I love you very deeply. ¨

I loved loving him.

I also regretted loving him.

I was facing a human being who had something deep in his heart, some suffering. I think that's why I fell for him! But despite being my vision of the perfect person, I recognized he had a flaw. Everybody has defects, mmm but not him, well, at least not to me. Even though he does... sigh !!!

“Friday November 10'' That is what the page in my diary says.

“What I did today was think all day about that handsome boy who stole my heart, but I decided not to talk to him today, fortunately I got strength and ignored him, although I'm dying inside, two days without even looking at him, so I prefer he hate me as it will be easier to remove him from my heart, good day ciao !! see you "

That's one of the many pages in my diary - my confidant, my friend. Witness of my joys and pain. Companion in my laughter and glee. Other pages were smudged with tears.

But just one page from that period of my life. One page to share my feelings with you.

I knew that I was not a normal person because I could see how others behaved and reacted to things. I could feel the pain of my peers and that I was not in agreement with them. But I also knew that my being abnormal would be useful to me one day, and so it was.
 
 
Several weeks later I went to work as usual. I saw him with some friends sitting on a bench and I wanted to go greet him, but something kept me from doing so. I didn't want to express my weakness for him. Just with his voice, always calm and unruffled, he had control over me. I didn't want him to notice that! So I said hello from a distance, waiving my hand. And he answered in the same way.

Everybody went to their respective offices and we did not see each other all day long, not even at our lunch time. For the hard times of my life I can count on Valeria, my faithful friend. But today, I was puzzled about her plans to organize a party at our apartment.

She said, "Bianca, isn't it strange that today Paolo didn't come at lunch time?" (She was trying to hide her observation.)

I replied,"Oops, I didn't notice that, but he might come later, who knows?"

"I am wondering, what prevents him from asking to be his girlfriend?" Valeria came right to the point. "Everybody knows you both are perfect match for each other. You both look as if you really in love."

Trying to hide my embarrassment, I rebutted her, "Nonsense Val."

I now had to think to myself: is it really so obvious? Everyday I feel him getting closer to me and I think he also knows what I feel for him. I am still upset with him for his initial rejection of me, yet at the same time I love him. I can’t force him to want to love me either, everything comes at the right time in it's own way. I think so, at least.

"Look, Bianca," Valeria offered,"I'm preparing this little party for our friends in our apartment. Now before you roll your eyes at me - see? I do know you, I'll organize a game of "keys & locks" and I'll put you two together. I think that after that, there won’t be any excuse for him to not open up some conversation between you two and end up declaring his love for you."

"Hummm? "Keys & Locks"? What kind of game is that?"

Valeria smiled. "It's easy. I'll buy a lock for each man / woman who can be a couple who confirms coming and I'll give the girl the padlock which she will hang around her neck on a plastic neck band. Each man will get a key. He will try to open all locks until he finds the right one. This couple is then expected to have an official appointment during the week to see if they really match. Brilliant, right?"

I frowned.

"Hmmm. No. I don't agree with this Val. I don't like to force things. We have already gone out several times."

"Yes but not on a formal date Bianca," Valeria said,"He may never do more than just being your friend if you do not help encourage him on. We will arrange it and make this happen!"

Oops! Time to get back to work. Run!
 

 
“Friday December 15th," Another page. “I came to the office as usual. I sat at my desk and lost myself within the depths of my thoughts..."

Valeria waved her hand in front of my eyes.

"Hey are you okay sweetie? I can see the sadness in your eyes. What's going on with you? You're suffering because of Paolo aren't you?"

I nodded and was about to answer her, when Paolo stopped in front of my desk. He then asked me, having my best friend as a witness,"Hi Bianca, I was wondering if I can invite you for a cup of coffee tonight?"

I was astonished!!! He invited me!!! Wow!!!

Valeria who was behind him vehemently nodded her head in my direction and I answered like a robot,"S-sure…"

"Okay then, I'll pick you up at 6.00."

I felt really happy when he finished by saying “I love you girl. You're my best friend! Thanks for everything.”
 
 
As soon as we lost sight of him, Valeria and I jumped and squealed like school girls, laughing and hugging each other full of happiness.

Exhausted, I begged, "Valeria! Help me! What should I wear for my first date with Paolo? A dress? A skirt? Jeans? Formal? Informal? Tell me!"

"Calm down Bianca," she laughed. "Just put on something that you feel comfortable in. Do not try to impress him. Just be yourself."

"Okay, well, I'm very nervous. Happy too. This will be our first date but I already feel like I love him."

"That is the understatement of the year!" Valeria said laughing. "You have been blindly in love with him since long ago."

"Am I that obvious? If he noticed that... I would die of shame." I covered my face with my hands.

"I don't think so Bianca. But I know you very well, so it’s not a secret to me. So cheer up."
 

 
I was still getting dressed when the doorbell rang. Valeria was in the living room and answered it. Once I had finished, I came in to be greeted by the sight of Paolo. Looking at him, I felt happy what I had chosen to wear: a long sleeve stripe fashion slim V-neck T-shirt in green color, medium heel boots in black, and no more accessories other than a knit purple cap.

He was wearing dark green trousers, a simple v-neck t-shirt and long sleeve jacket, light green. Very trendy attire for a boy (he looks so attractive in casual style). We matched perfectly well again.

"Hello Bianca," he greeted me by kissing me in the European style - three times on the cheek. "Are you ready?

"Sure."

"Ok, let’s go then. Ciao Val."

"Enjoy your evening you two, ciao!!"

We were talking about everything and nothing at the same time. He drove to a Starbucks Coffee where we chose a table on a balcony to admire the nighttime city view. We ordered our favorite flavors: For me Peppermint Mocha Flavored Coffee (a rich creamy and minty cup), and for him, coffee rompope. We both shared our order of Starbucks Classic Coffee Cake. Mmmm mmm, delicious.
 

 
Our evening was great. While the waitress prepared our drinks, and he had gone to the toilet, the background music started playing a beautiful and very well known girly song from Carly Rae Jepsen. Since I liked it and knew it well, I immediately began singing out,"Call me maybe." I grabbed my napkin and wrote a small verse "Hey, I just met you and this is crazy. But here is my number, so call me maybe. Before you came into my life, I missed you so bad"

.....and I wrote down my phone number, suddenly realizing that even now, he still had not asked me for it. (Well, really, it wasn't important to me before since we are both at the office everyday.)

When he returned, I just hid the napkin.

"I did not know you sang so well," He commented as he sat back down.

"Oh no, I don't. I was just kidding around. It’s just a beautiful song and I love it very much. It makes me think of..."

"Of what?" He asked, smiling.

"Of you," I thought, and wanted to shout it out. But I didn't.

I began to replay everything I had ever done with and felt since Paolo had walked into my life. I went over the lows and the highs of it all. I have to say I was still not really sure of my heart, whether it was infatuation or true love leading me on. If it was true love, then he was right there with me, in that moonlit night - which by the way, I will never forget and remember every day for the rest my life. This meant that I would have to come to a decision about what I should say about our relationship. So absorbed in my thoughts I was that I did not realize he was still talking to me.

"Hey, Bianca? Hello..? Where are you? What's going on in your mind?"

Startled back to the present, I flustered,"Eh, nothing Paolo. Sorry. I was a little distracted. Please excuse me, it’s my turn to visit the toilet."
 
 
That day my sadness was gone and I felt weak before him. I had gotten very angry with myself. I couldn't tell whether I was coming onto him, or he was coming onto me, but I suspect the latter. Everyday my love for him grew instead of fading. I hated him because he was a perfectly seductive and was unable to resist him. I didn't understand his constant and sudden mood changes either, and that made me love him more. sigh.

Whether this was love, a crush, or infatuation; the feelings he generated within me were overwhelmingly good and I could not easily ignore that, or so I thought.

When I came back to the table, Paolo spoke.

"Hey Bianca, listen, I want to say something but can’t explain it. This has to do with what I’m feeling and what I didn't want to feel. I really think I should tell you."

I nodded that he should continue.

"Bianca, a few months ago, when I first met you, I just wanted to see you as a friend only - not to hurt you or harm myself. But every day, you come closer and closer to me - into my life and heart. I tried to stay at that limit I set. I tried to push back what I was feeling for you. But then realized that I was just hiding my inner feelings. It hurts to pretend that there is only friendship, when what I feel for you is that I really love you. This is what I want ask you... would you like to be my girlfriend?"

Ooohhh! I was speechless.

He did it, and in such a formal and romantic way too!

He had gotten a flower from somewhere, while I had been in the ladies room, and offered it to me. Being happy and surprised, of course I accepted it.

"Paolo, I am the happiest girl in the world when you just say " hello "or when you smile to me, because I know, even if it was for just a second, that you thought of me. You always make me happy. Especially tonight, I am overwhelmed, thank you.

Paolo, puzzled by my response, then asked, "Is that thank you a YES? Or thank you NO?"

"Oh yes!" I hurriedly replied. "Of course it's a Yes. I love you too, Paolo."

I was so excited that I hugged him without thinking. He was also smiling as his arms wrapped around me. I felt his lips upon mine as he tenderly kissed me, leaving me quite breathless. I had totally forgotten that we were in public, but oh well. Such is love, born spontaneously, not planned for, nor looked for... just destiny. Thank you Cupid, for taking pity on me.

You may wonder what happened next?

Of course I wanted to tell Valeria about tonight! She can now forget about her idea for the party and the “locks & keys”.

When I arrived home, she was not there, so I headed to my bedroom to change into my night clothes. I could not stop thinking about my magical moment tonight. I kept day dreaming about him in my mind.

I love you Paolo and always will…

I was, as the Germans put it so beautifully, on Wolke sieben. (Cloud number seven) And I intended to stay there forever.
 
 
Suddenly, my mobile rang. I checked the caller ID - “unknown number.”

Hesitantly, I answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hello Bianca?

That voice. I know that voice. "Paolo?"

"Yes, it's me."

"Paolo, you just dropped me off at home. Is everything alright?"

"Yep, just checking to see if it’s your number to keep it in my mobile."

"It is. But how did you get it?"

He paused, then whimsically asked,"You did say, “call me maybe,” right?"

Ahhh, the napkin!

Now knowing the answer, and feeling a rather bit ashamed at leaving that napkin there rather than stashing it inside my purse, I softly answered,"Yes... and I left a... nice verse, that I wrote for you too."

Shame burned up and down me for my carelessness. I was actually happy too, in a way, because now we could communicate by telephone instead of waiting for being at the office. That meant, that at any time, any moment, that I wanted, I could call him up to yell "I LOVE YOU"!

But no!

I’ll wait till the next phone call and say it in a normal tone of voice. I wouldn't want to hurt my Paolo's ears!

But it was so hard to restrain my joy.

Ooops! I'm still on the phone!

"Well Bianca, sweet dreams tonight!"

Flustered, I replied, "Thank you Paolo. I really do appreciate your call. You too have a good night! Caio!"

I was still in a daze even after he hang up the phone. Still holding my mobile to my ear, I whispered, "Good night my love.*sigh* Cloud number seven, it's for sure the place to be!"
 
 
“A new poem for my beloved.” How many poems have I collected for him so far in this, my diary? I wish I could someday publish a book with them as a gift for him. Could that be possible? If it was, I could show him all the inspiration that comes to me just by thinking about him - about our love?

Who knows? These are only dreams.

"Good night diary, keep the treasure of my sincere and dreamy heart."
 
 
I do not remember when I fell asleep. I was spending every minute reliving all the words he had ever spoken to me and could not believe what was happening. We now had a special connection between us, as lovers do. Lovers! And of one thing I was most sure of, I loved him more and more everyday. I could no longer avoid him. I felt bonded to him and could not get away from him and he not from me. But as this connection grew stronger, I began to wonder, Why Paolo? Why do I love you so much? Why you aren’t you just another person “X” in this cold cruel world full of indifference?
 

 
It has been more than a year since we have been engaged. The time we have spent together has been fantastic! Now everyone around us has been pushing us to move on to another level in our relationship - his family and my family together and friends. I am happy just as we are, because honestly, what else could I ask for?

Walking to the corner, close to the office, surprise! Paolo is in front of his car parked right beside the sidewalk.

He smiled and greets me with a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey pretty girl."

"Hey too my love! What a surprise! I was not expecting you here today. When you called me, we agreed to meet at my apartment at 7.00, no?"

"Yep, I was doing a lot of things and lost track of the time. But what a coincidence! Would you like for me to drive you home?"

"That's so sweet. Sure, why not?" I entered the car and he drove us off to my apartment.

Upon arriving, I stepped out with Paolo and noticed that he was nervous.

"Bianca, would you go for a short walk with me?"

"Well, I was thinking we could go together perhaps on a bike ride after I change. That way we can relax and enjoy the evening."

He seemed very uncertain and distraught. What was this all about?

He affectionately took my hand and gave me a document.

"Look, dear, I would like for you to read this."

"What is it Paolo?"

"Something very important to me that I want you to read, please." He was shaking slightly. "I'm sorry but I can’t come up to see you right now. I would have loved to go on a bike ride together tonight, but it is not possible. Just please, read that tonight. For me?"

I looked at the manuscript. Underneath the title I read the name of the author.

It was his name! A story written by him!

All of my friends admired his excellent ability to tell stories. It should be a great read as, with his great culture and inventive mind, he does an outstanding job with whatever he sets out to do.

I looked up at him, smiling. "Ah! A story written by you honey! Super! At last, you followed my suggestion after a long time of trying to convince you to do it. Great!"

I really felt proud of him. I wanted to hug him, but he did not answer my enthusiasm.

He again took the paper in my hand, grasping it and repeating, "Please read it. Tonight."

"Well of course I'm going to read it! Remember that I'm your Number One fan. I'm going to read it after I prepare dinner."

"Ok, OK, Bianca. Just, I need to know your opinion of it as soon as you read it."

"Without reading it beforehand, I'm quite certain it will be a successful story because you have the talent. And I'm sure that if you try, you'll be a famous writer."

We parted as always with a tender kiss. I could detect a glint of sadness in my Paolo's eyes as he sat back down into his car and drove off.

What was going on?
 
 
After fixing dinner, taking off my makeup, showering, and brushing my teeth, I put on my pajama's.

I'm ready to enjoy my beloved's talent. I smiled as I read the first page. He has a very pleasant way of writing and speaking. His writing style reflects his personality completely. It is him speaking to me from the words. I love what I am reading. Hmm? I see. What is this?

My mobile phone suddenly interrupts my thought.

The caller ID shows me it is handsome boy, as I affectionately call him. Hehe!

"Hello darling."

"Hello, sweety. I just wanted to know if you are fine?"

"Yep. I sure am my love. Do you already miss me? I know I miss you."

"Yes I do." He paused. "Tell me, did you read my story?"

He did seem to be stressing that point. "I did. It is very good. You have the talent, you know that. It's very well written, very enjoyable, just..."

"You didn ´t like it?"

There was pain and resentment in his voice. As if he had long since expected this to happen.

"Well yes I liked it. But there are so many genres to choose from, tell me, why did you choose this particular one? And while not very common you wrote here “Travesty” ? I don’t know anything about that subject, so I really don’t know what to think of that at the moment."

I heard him sigh through the handset.

"I wanted to offer you an insight in my other self. The main character in the story is... well... me. Perhaps I chose a clumsy way to tell you by letting you read one of my stories. I am so sorry. Bianca, since long ago when we first met, I wanted to tell you then, but I just didn't know how to. So I thought that this was perhaps the best way to do it. I am hoping that you can understand me."

Wait! The main character? The one being a girl inside? No! Impossible!

"I am sorry Paolo. I really don’t understand." I felt a warmth leaking from around my eyes. "I know, it's a joke! I get it!"

"No hon, it isn't. That is me."

Fear gripped my heart in it's icy grasp as I couldn't process what I was being told.

"Look, I'm a little confused. Perhaps I'm not thinking clearly. Let's just stop this for tonight. I really don’t understand."

"Bianca, I have been aching for so long to tell you. I was being hurt so much as each day passed and I couldn't get this out of me to tell you. You have to know this about me before we go any further. This was the only way I could tell you and not run away from you in shame! Please, please... I hope you understand me."

I heard his anguish and tears.

With a lump in my throat, I began crying. This has to be impossible! It has to be!!!

"Bianca..."

"Paolo... *sob* I can’t talk anymore. I think I need... I need... to hang up." I couldn't hold back anymore and cried more. This hurt! This really hurts! "I really don't know what to do or say! Please tell me this is a bad joke? Please? Don't torture me this way!"

His voice cracked, "I really wish I could say it's a joke, but it's not. Please forgive me!!! Please!!! I really need you."

"I, I..."

A silence that seems eternal is on the phone line.

I'm speechless and in shock. I want to die...right now! My life is over!!!

I don't want to be in my body. My head starts spinning. My heart is beating wildly. That lump in my throat is drowning me, cutting off my breathing!

I turned off the phone, without realizing it.

My eyes were so filled with tears that I can no longer see the key I had pressed. The phone slips out of my hand and falls to the wooden floor, clattering.

I clung tightly to my pillow trying to stifle my sobs. It hurts! It hurts so much!!!

My heart is shattered into a thousand pieces.

I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Bianca? Sweety? What's wrong?"

I'm too lost in my feelings and crying. I can’t answer. I am too far away with my world destroyed to answer.

Valerie just sits down on my bed beside me and hugs me.

I no longer know who I am. I don’t want to be me. I want to go. I want to sleep. Yes, only that... sleep.
 
 
The next morning, as I opened my eyes, I feel how the sun is warming my body. A gentle hug from Valeria, who was lying in bed with me, caught my attention. She lay there watching me.

"Val, what happened? I feel so bad? I feel horrible."

She started to sit up and turn towards the window. "Wait Bianca. Stay in bed. I'll close the window to keep the sun from hurting you."

I put my hand on her arm. "No, please leave it. It's fine. I like to feel the sun's warmth and hear the birds singing. Oh but,... I remember now! Oh God! Val, I want to die!"

I started crying uncontrollably again. Valeria scooted out of bed and brought over a tray she must have earlier prepared and had set on the dresser.

"Calm down Bianca," she soothed to me as she passed me a tea cup. "Look, I prepared this tea for you, and you have to take this pill."

She handed it to me.

"Come on take it. It will help you to relax and sleep this off."

I took it and gently swallowed it down with tea.

"If you want to talk about it though, I'm right here and will listen."

"No, really, I don't want to. I can't."

She held me close as I continued crying.

Sometime later, Valeria, leaning beside me, said, "While you were asleep last night, I read the story you had left on the bed. It's about Paolo, right?"

"Did you read it?" I turned to her, straining to see her through blurry vision."I don’t know, please... just don’t ask me. I know nothing."

"If you don ´t want to, that is okay. Relax dear. We will talk later."

She gently tucked me back underneath my covers. I heard my bedroom door close as she left.

I want to do is to disconnect from this world. I do not want to face it. I want to forget that I exist.

Somehow, I drifted off.
 

 
I awoke.

I have completely lost track of time. What time is it?

I hear voices in the living room. I sit up and slowly wipe my eyes. A little unsteady, I slip out of bed and stand up. I then pad over to my door and listen through it.

I can distinguish the voices. It is Valeria and... Paolo???

I can’t think! I pull the door open and run into his arms kissing him!!!

I hug him. I am letting him know that there is nothing to worry about!

I still love him like the first day I met him, and I do not care if he wants to dress like a lady!

"Oh God, I missed you!"

He gently caressed my back as he returned my affection.

I continued, "I miss how you cared for me, how you would always make my days. How you used to cheer me up and make me feel special. I miss everything that used to be. Do you still love me?"

Paolo kissed me back with a tender and sweet kiss. "Yes Bianca, I love you and always do! I need you. I am who I am because of you. You're my every reason, every hope, and every dream I've ever had. And no matter what happens to us in the future, every day that we are together is the greatest day of my life. I will always be yours."

He held me tightly and he tenderly stroked my hair. I felt as if I had come home. Calm, relaxed, peace. Paolo whispered into my ear, "I was so afraid to tell you this secret. I was afraid I would lose you. But neither could I remain silent. We were getting closer together and I felt guilty and horrible about it. I had to tell you before... before we became anything more. I didn't want to feel like a kind of impostor who has secrets for the one woman he loves anymore. It was eating me up inside." Paolo's tears dripped onto my cheek and neck. "Please Bianca... never go away! Perhaps you think that I am gay? You can be assured that I am not. I love you as seriously as can be and want to be yours forever!" I pulled back a little and held his face within my hands staring deeply into his eyes. "Paolo, I can't go away. You are my home. It was a shock to me, yes. But I do appreciate you telling me the truth! Thank you for entrusting me with your secret. I will always be your friend and ally because I love you."

"You…eh.. you mean you can accept this ..eh.. other side of me then?

I had the confidence within me now. "Yes Paolo, I do. I know I cannot live without you anymore. It is still you no matter what. And after all, it is not as if you confessed to being a murderer or something bad. So no, you no longer need to hide your feminine side from me anymore. I want you to be able to be free to express yourself as you wish. I love you - all of you."
 
 
I will not lie and say it was easy.

We had no problems between us. It is a kind of ménage á  trios, but in a very special way. Not always easy. Sometimes strange, sometimes fun. But our love helped us to master all the challenges and difficulties that had been set before us. Our only love grew stronger and deeper because of our complete acceptances of one another.
 
 
I met Paola.

I finally had the honor of meeting her, and she is really a pleasant girl. She looks like an uncommonly pretty lady and I dare say very agreeable. But I like her and admired her. I even think of her as a sweet girl, but also a sensible and intelligent young woman. We have had several delightful evenings together and I still keep discovering more of her personality. She is surprisingly quite different from Paolo in a good way. It seems there is much more going on within her than just dressing up! I am still exploring her new personality. *mmmm*
 
 
We have moved to another city, where nobody knows us.

Away from his family and mine. It is best for us both to have a fresh start together. Paola has evolved a lot since then. She has more self-confidence within her. We have gone shopping, we made pictures and videos of her. She loves it!

I feel great by her side, and I think I will never stop loving them. (I’m talking in plural because sometimes Paolo is here, sometimes its Paola.) I don’t care whoever is on duty, I love them both!

We are soul mates, blessed with this special situation that makes us undergo every day as a kind of romantic evolution. We mutually help each other to heal our pasts with the process of loving each other. We appreciate each other's uniqueness and cherish our divine union. "Are you ready to go out Paola?" "Hummm, I'm not so sure about this skirt. Please tell me the truth, does really look okay on me? "Yes honey, you look great in it, trust me." "But I'm wondering if I shouldn’t chose the other style. Oh well. I'll wear it the next time then." "Either way is fine Paola. Whichever you want. You look great in either." Paola sighed. "I just don’t want you to feel embarrassed by my appearance."

"Ok, Paola, listen sweetie. What matters most is how you see yourself. I want you to see yourself as something awesome. I am quite delighted with you just as you are. You have a lot of great qualities. And you are a real charming woman. I will never feel embarrassed because of you or how you dress. My most favorite place in this world to be is next to you, by your side. Always."

She had a nice style in clothes. And to be perfectly honest, it even sometimes annoyed me that she was better with makeup than I was.

I kissed her on her forehead and took her by her hands.

She looked great.

Even better, we looked great!

I kissed her. "Now, let’s go to the dance. It's ladies night tonight. Let's go have some fun!"
 
 
In the car, we turned on the radio. It started playing that beautiful One Direction’s song “What makes you beautiful.” Unable to constrain myself, I started singing for her so loudly that everybody we passed by on the street heard me.

She smiles shyly but she’s happy. And I love to see her happy.
 

 
February 14th. We celebrate this special day and this time it's special to me. I’ve asked my lover who will go with me to celebrate and neither him nor her wanted to remind me of the date.

I’m almost ready and just thinking. I know, I’ll bring both gifts with me!

I can hear the sound of the car engine approaching and I look out the window. Ah hah! It's Paolo.

Instead of picking up both, I pick up the gift for him and hasten to open the door.

Paolo, my love... I looked at him and in that moment I considered myself the most fortunate mortal in this world having him in my dreams, in my life and in my heart. "Paolo, stay always with me till the end of my existence. Never go away. Never leave me." And with a sweet and powerful voice he replied, "I always will my dear Bianca. You are everything to me." He handed me a red rose from behind his back. "Be my Valentine forever?" "Yes! Yes Paolo. Ti amo, sei la mia vita per sempre, grazie di esistire.

 

 
 

What makes you beautiful

You're insecure
Don't know what for
You're turning heads
When you walk through the do-o-or

What makes you beautiful

Don't need make up
To cover up
Being the way that you are is en-o-ough
Everyone else in the room can see it
Everyone else but you

Baby you light up my world like nobody else
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed
But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell
You don't know oh oh
You don't know you're beautiful
If only you saw what I can see
You'll understand why I want you so desperately
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe
You don't know oh oh
You don't know you're beautiful
Oh oh
That's what makes you beautiful

So c-come on
You got it wrong
To prove I'm right I put it in a so-o-ong
I don't know why
You're being shy
And turn away when I look into your ey-e-es.
Everyone else in the room can see it
Everyone else but you

With special dedication to all the
beautiful girls in this website
with love.

There is no better time to be happy
Than right now !!

What’s make you beautiful

You're insecure
Don't know what for
You're turning heads
When you walk through the do-o-or
Don't need make up
To cover up
Being the way that you are is en-o-ough
Everyone else in the room can see it
Everyone else but you

Baby you light up my world like nobody else
The way that you flip your hair gets me overwhelmed
But when you smile at the ground it ain't hard to tell
You don't know oh oh
You don't know you're beautiful
If only you saw what I can see
You'll understand why I want you so desperately
Right now I'm looking at you and I can't believe
You don't know oh oh
You don't know you're beautiful
Oh oh
That's what makes you beautiful

So c-come on
You got it wrong
To prove I'm right I put it in a so-o-ong
I don't know why
You're being shy
And turn away when I look into your ey-e-es.
Everyone else in the room can see it
Everyone else but you

With special dedication to all the
beautiful girls in this website
with love.

There is no better time to be happy
Than right now !!