Previously… Tonight, I was very tired again but I knew the regiment in getting ready for bed, Faith, Marcy, Ruth, Ed, and I stayed up to visit. …Marcy sat me down and asked how I was doing, …That you would enjoy how well you are doing speaks volume to us. Grandpa Will means a lot to us; we were not willing to hurt his grandson …Ruth is about to pull the plug on me acting like a girl. Looking at the morning paper I knew a change would make more problems than it solved …Please know Richard and I are eternally grateful, but we do not want anything to hurt you… Mom, am I going to be in trouble with you for accepting Brianna as a Junior Bridesmaid?” …“I guess we all agree it is what needs to be done. She will be a beautiful Junior Bridesmaid and quite a secret until someday we can all sit back and laugh that it in fact happened.”

~o~O~o~
Ma Storm told me, "Go change, put on some shorts, a casual top but no socks or stockings just your sandals." ...I ask her, "What I am going to be doing."

She says, "After breakfast, I have a treat for you as you get ready for the wedding.

Amanda stops over and shares that Bree’s Grandmother had died early yesterday and visitation would be tonight and tomorrow before the service.

This time we went to the salon that Mandy is using for her wedding; “This is Brianna and she is filling in for one of the junior bridesmaids. I think she could use a pedicure and manicure.” The receptionist looks and says “I think she will enjoy it. It will help her to be even prettier than she already is.” I like how she put things in a positive light.

The head beautician says, “Patti Jo, I have a young woman who could enjoy your expertise.” Patti came up and took me to her area. I sit down as she got her things ready. She has me put both hands in a bowl of a thick solution and then takes my sandals off and has me place my feet in a slightly thicker solution. Both are warm and have the same nice fragrance to them.

Patti helps me to pick out a color for my nails to be painted. It is a rich off red that is slightly darker, but I think it shall have a nice wet shine to it. Patti says, between buffing the second coat and the bright protective coat I am right. She asks, "What will you be doing at the wedding?"

So I shared, "I'll be a junior bridesmaid/usher." Patti suggests we limit lengthening my fingernails to a uniform  ½ or  ¾ “. With Marcy’s blessing we go with the  ¾" length since we could shorten them if the longer length proved troublesome. There is a little discomfort for repairing the cuticles, but the result is well worth it.

When Patti starts on my feet and I'm surprised how much hard, dry skin comes off with no tearing or soreness. My feet and nails are improving in appearance even before she starts to polish my toenails or finish my fingers.

Patti chides me, "Brianna, you need to take better care of your feet young lady. Come Saturday I suggest another treatment when you come along with the wedding party." I give her an extra $10 tip not knowing what others were doing.

Marcy tells me three times to stop concentrating on my feet and nails, "But I like how pretty they are." Before I leave Patti asks me to sign a Carrie Underwood poster and compliments on how well I sang and looked at the concert.

Surprising to me, Marcy stops and we go into a women’s clothing store and we look at two-piece swimsuits. There is one with a short mach suede skirt I like. Faith is along and she laughs at my expensive taste as it is just under a hundred dollars. She shows me two that are similar but an ordinary fabric and each cost $35.00. I try one on and go with a blue swimsuit.

The saleswoman knowing Faith is tempting her with a 40% discount to get the mach suede suit. Marcy and I both challenge her, but she holds her ground. The salesperson says, “You are local girls and people will get to see you and know where the suit can be purchased.” I tell Faith not to worry about me, but to get it if she wanted. Since there was a tan and a brown suit, Marcy brakes down as well.

When we get home Faith says I need to change into my suit to get a tan. She, I, and two friends, Abbey and Kate, are soon out back tanning. We use a weak sun-block just enough to cut the risk of sunburn. I'm uncomfortable with having my straps down as we lay on our backs. I did not protest after rolling to my stomach as Faith undoes the back strap so I would tan down to my bottom. I tan enough according to Ma Storm that I look more like a member of the Storm family.

I'm now wearing a pair of short shorts to show off my tan as I work around the house. Ma Storm asks me to take time with Grandpa. She sits down with us to sip some iced tea. I asked them, "How she and Pop Pop came to meet?"

Pop Pop said, “Ruth had a flat tire on Interstate 95 so I stopped to help change the tire.”

Ruth took over the story, “When he helped me, he thought my spare tire was not very reliable either. He insists he followed me home here to Garner. He wouldn't take anything for all his help, but I did talk him into staying for supper. The girls adopted him as Grandpa Will and he was hooked. Anytime he went from Jersey to Florida or back he stops at the Storm’s bed and breakfast to enjoy his granddaughters."

I laugh because Pop Pop is such a good storyteller, but he never told me that story. “Your Granddad said, he thought you felt guilty for not being a girl. That there was teasing about your eyelashes and there were other things they couldn't stop, but they tried not to add to your hurt."

Ruth asks, "Is it true that you feel guilty for not being a daughter and granddaughter?"

I say, “I really don’t want to talk about it. I have always missed Grandma; she's the grandma I never knew. I wondered if she would love me?” Grandpa hugs me and says “She loved you a lot Brice, I know it because she always loved you with a special love.”

“What would she think of me right now,” I ask?

“I think she enjoys seeing what her Granddaughter looks like? She and I would have danced for joy to hear you sound so good.”

“But as Brice, I stammer and stutterer, I don’t do so well in school and I tend to lose my temper and get in fights.” Grandpa hugs me and says, “Brice is free to be himself. He sang before thousands, he has a big heart and has the freedom and choice, not to dress or wear make-up.”

“I’m very confused Pop Pop, does that mean you do not want me to be Brianna then?”

Pop Pop hugged me, "For now you are a Bridesmaid and the girl you believe is inside of you. When we go home I want you to be free to be you, without my telling you who that is.” This time I hug my Poppa.

The tempo and focus of things quickly change as Amanda comes in, “Momma who is going to Aunt Abigail’s visitation tonight or tomorrow morning?” No one was going as there were so many things to do. Even though it is just an hour away.

I agree to help Amanda to move into the house, they were renting and within the hour I was helping her. I come to understand she had a strong bond with Aunt Abigail. While no one would fault her for not being there, it is tearing her up inside. “Mandy, if we leave just before 8:00 in the morning; you would have an hour to visit and we could be back shortly afternoon. And it would give me a chance to meet Bree as well as keep you alert.”

Mandy hugs me and asks if I really meant it. “I think you are going to feel guilty and sad at your own wedding if you do not? But you better tell your mother that a friend is riding with us. You can tell her the truth when you get back.”

“Brianna, you have a bit of the devil in you.”

“I learned from Grandpa Will to take my joking very seriously at times. But truthfully, I would like time with you to know you. And I sensed you need to be there for your sake.”

She hugged me again and says, "Let's plan on it. It is so nice that you feel a kinship to Bree and want to meet her."

I try to stay away from sorting and putting away her more personal clothing but I do hang up her clothes bound for her closet. She has a big walk-in and seemingly I do a better than expected job in sorting out Summer, Fall, Winter, and Spring outfits as well as sorting according to colors. She brings a pile of clothes and some jewelry that she brought over for her sisters to check and see what they might want. She offers me a chance to select something I might like.

I chose a necklace and she found the earrings that work well with it. She tells me of an outfit at the house I could wear at the beach on Sunday if I'm still Brianna. She has another outfit she asks me to try just to see how I would look in it. It is more expensive and looks really sharp on me. She suggests, "I think that would be good to wear it to the funeral visitation." I agreed it would be good.

Ma Storm calls and I need to hurry back over to go and create a bank account as Brianna. She already has a form I need to sign and return to her lawyer to legally use another name as an alias. When I go to the bank, we need to go across the street to sign the legal papers first. Mom shares that my first check from Carrie Underwood is for $1,500. I don't understand what it is for.

We go back to the Storm’s to eat, and it is a good Carolina Barbecue, their sauce uses a vinegar base which is a tad different, but it's excellent. Ruth’s potato salad and other fixings are great. The lemonade for us gals is kept tart, not too many sugar calories. But there is a spiked pitcher from which I received some. The worst I did was to slide off a chair showing off my panties in little girl fashion.

I work hard not to be my usual messy eater and manage quite well. While I ate enough to be satisfied, it is not as much as I regularly eat. I look all over for the usual barbecue stains and look again using a mirror. Pop Pop and Ed understood, but Ruth smirks and my sisters are confused. We sing songs and talk about times strange to me, but greatly enjoyed by my Pop Pop.

Ricky had come over with Matt and Matt is paying me a lot of attention. Grandpa asked if I would just visit with him until he goes home or I go to bed whichever came first. I am doing fairly well until 9:15 when I'm bored and agree to go for a walk. Unfortunately, I felt more like Brianna than Brice as we walk. First, we're holding hands, then his arm is around my waist and I like that even more. As we got back I'm getting tired and Ricky is close to leaving, so Matt asks me for a kiss. I offer him my cheek, but he's older, and his target is my lips.

I enjoy the kiss but I push him away, even as Brianna, I did not want a boy pushing himself on me. I said goodnight to Pop, Ruth, and Ed. Mom sent Marcy to make sure I prepare for bed properly. I pretty much had done everything she checks on. She giggles, "You're quite the girl" but she understood my hurt when she said that. “I didn't mean anything bad, Brianna. It takes quite a person to have the character I see in you. Be it, Matt, here or a girl back home you are one to be respected. Do me a favor while you’re here, just relax, put on this nightgown. You will look good in it and it should be comfortable for you.”

Though I knew Marcy could have been back with the others we spend a short while in girl talk. When she left I ask, "If your Mom or Grandpa could come up and give me a goodnight kiss I would appreciate it. I think Grandpa Will might be in bed."

Marcy says, "If his light is on I will tell him and I will also ask Mom. “Somehow with Mandy getting married, I find myself wanting hugs and kisses again.” Marcy's boyfriend Scott calls her as she is leaving the room.

It's a while later Pop comes in and hugs me and kiss. We talked a while. Grandpa has a crop of coarse whiskers in the evening. Now as Brianna, it scratches my face even more. I try to say something before the wedding but as his granddaughter, I don't want to say anything to hurt his feelings. Instead, I enjoy our long conversation. I appreciate that Pop Pop talks and visits more than my Dad, actually most other men I know. The only ones I knew who talked more were usually conceited bas**ds.

While Grandpa's an accomplished engineer, he usually focuses on others; he also likes to joke and kid around. He tells me about Brice Canfield for whom I was named. He hopes like Brice I would make sure I get a good education and know, how to apply it.

Ruth comes in and visits with us. It is also an enjoyable time though long. Ruth suggests a little prayer before she tucks me in and kisses me. Grandpa shared it had been 13 years since he was with Grace and she prayed for me while I was bundled in her bed. I felt Goosebumps as Ruth prays and Grandpa holds me in his arms.

Ruth and Grandpa leave hugging one another as I think Grandpa’s eyes were watering.

It is 5:30 when I wake and Marcy's slipping up some running shorts. I'm quickly up asking if I could run with her. She gives me an old tube top to help me as I already have the shorts and running shoes. By the time we stretch and run a mile loop we were home again and I drop out. Marcy picked up her pace as she kept running. I shower and am eating a light breakfast when Mandy arrives to pick me up.

Amanda and I are about to drive away when Ruth comments that I had not opened my cards from yesterday and she expects more today. Ma Ruth has two cards from fans of Carrie for me. “Marcy had given Brianna Storm an SC address, an email address, and a web page with pictures from Carrie’s concert. "You can look at it when you get a chance.”

We are down the road and visiting when I look at the two cards and am flattered that people thought enough to write me; one even sent a picture and email address wanting to hear "What was it like in my shoes?" I'm presently more interested in visiting with Amanda, who reminds me to call her Mandy or Sis. I smile, “You won’t mind if I call you Sis?”

“We share Grandpa Will and it is easier than calling you, Cousin Brianna. You might prefer a cousin than to be called a sister, but another time, sorry.”

I smile, “You don’t need to be sorry. Please don’t tell anyone, but it’s kind of a neat experience; especially having Sisters. Being considered to be part of the Storm family is neat too. I have a neat family but it's different being in a family of boys than a family of girls.”

“Which one do you like better?”

“This is special because it is now and for a short time. It takes a lot more to be a girl. I wouldn't mind if I was born being a girl and being your junior bridesmaid and Ma Ruth; they are all special to me… But I am not going to be a girl back home. I am used to being me, though Brice has more troubles than Brianna.”

Mandy wants me to talk but I ask about Richard and her and how long they have been in love. They had met 2  ½ years ago, but they were just friends dating others. Things changed for her first, she thought about dating him because it would be safe since they were only friends. She didn't want to fall in love.

“I think Richard was the first one to fall in love, first with me and then with my family. I was kind of spooked by that and backed off when he and my family first liked each other. I didn't want to get married yet, nor was I sure how much I loved him. It was six more months before I started to fall in love with him.”

We're soon at the town where the funeral would be and soon after that at the church where the final visitation was being held as well as the funeral service. It is a good size church, as Mandy said they took religion seriously. Amanda viewed her great aunt and meets some of the family that is already there. Bree and another group of the family come while we're talking to them and soon most of the families are there. They're very glad as well as surprised to see Amanda. They understand that the wedding is demanding of Mandy's family.

Mandy introduces me to Bree and another cousin Lana and the three of us go off to visit. I expressed my sympathy to Brianna and Lana and we visit about how their Grandmother was special and the things they loved about her and would miss.

Then Bree shares how she is thankful I could fill in for her but she's also sad about not taking part. I tell her, "There were no major alterations and if you want to be the Junior Bridesmaid I wouldn't mind. She's grateful I offer but knows it's not realistic; though they might come to the wedding and/or the reception.

Others want to visit Bree as Bree has many friends, as does Lana. I walk around and realize I need to use the restroom but that there's a line. I go to ask Mandy what I could do and she says, “That is why we had you use a pad if something happens you won’t spot your panties or need to worry about showing yourself. But here take another pad and tampon in case either is needed.” With that, she discretely exchanges the two items from her purse to mine.

I knew several young women heard parts of what was said and giggle, but I didn't see it as funny. It took me ten minutes to get to a stall in the women’s room and another few minutes to do all that is needed as well as wash and check my makeup.

Lana seemingly had waited for me to come out. "We need to talk. I am sorry that some overheard and realized your predicament. But most of the giggles were because all of us have been there.”

“You said, 'most of the giggles' what did you mean by that?”

“You probably don’t realize it but someone had passed a rumor that you aren't a girl. I wouldn't be surprised if someone already texts you’re using a pad as confirmation of you being a girl. It is important to me because I have something confidential and disturbing that I need to talk to you about.”

Lana says, “I know you care and can identify with a young girl being a single mom. But would you have any empathy for a young girl our age, if she had given up her child and chose not to be a single teen parent?” With that, Lana took one of my hands held it with both her hands. “How upset are you with a girl like me?”

“Lana, my heart breaks with the thought that you'd worry about me; when I and every girl should be able to identify with you, tell me your story.” I tear as I listen. Lana because of the funeral gave me a Reader’s Digest version, of romance, rape, and carrying her child to be given away. She grieved wondering what her Grandmother had thought of her. She feels guilty about what Carrie or I thought.

I quickly text Jeanette who quickly calls me back. “Jeanette, we have a problem. Girls who have given their baby to be adopted can feel guilty that we judge them for the things they have done.” I didn't realize as we were talking she handed me to Carrie, but when Carrie answers I knew it is her.

“I am sorry Carrie; I can’t talk long as a friend, Lana has a funeral coming up just over 30 minutes. But I’m hurting for her feeling judged. I knew your caring about single moms, but you don't draw a circle to leave her and others out, do you?”

Carrie asks me to give my phone to Lana if she's there. I'm not sure of all that she said but Lana's body language relaxes and then warms up.

The phone is given back to me, Carrie says “Brianna, when you get a chance to call me back, this is not a problem you’re meant to be carrying. Who are you with?” I knew she meant from the Storm family, so I tell her 'Amanda'.

I'm back to talking and hugging Lana, helping her to refocus on her Grandmother’s funeral. We exchanged cell #s. Mandy got me, so we can leave and get back to Garner and ready for the rehearsal service.

Mandy, “Brianna did I hear right that Lana opened up to you about having a little girl and the baby’s adoption. Girl and I emphasize that she took you into confidence as ‘girl’, that is heavy, how are you?” She had already given me a tissue for my eyes and make-up.

“I don’t understand why she chose me, but she clasped my hand and my heart was with her. No, I’m not a girl but I felt like one and felt I couldn't be anything else as I listened. Carrie wants me to call her back to know the same thing.”

“You spoke to Carrie Underwood, why was that?”

“Lana felt, we cared about single moms and felt so guilty about letting go of her baby. What she did was heroic in carrying her baby and letting her be adopted. I felt Carrie and I need to let girls and women like her know we care.”

“Brianna, come Monday you’re back to being Brice.”

“I know, none of this was in my mind last Monday, but it won’t be true this Monday. There’s way too much about being a girl, but I find a girl’s heart growing in me. I don’t know what happens to that come Monday?”

Mandy smiles, pulled over to the side of the road, and gives me a big hug. “I hope helping me does not make unusual girl problems for you.”

“Mandy, it may not sound right and I might be in over my head, but I enjoyed this experience. Accumulating a wardrobe I can’t use is the least of what I have gained and enjoy. I'm actually looking forward to being your Junior Bridesmaid.” We're back on the road and with each mile, we're closer to being immersed in the preparations for rehearsal and the wedding.

“Thanks, Brianna, I don’t mean to pry, but for Halloween or anything did you ever dress like a girl?”

“Once for Halloween, a cousin helped me dress as a cheerleader; it was the only time I looked realistically as a girl.” I didn't mean to say that last part but it was said.

“So there were other times you dressed as a girl or in girls’ clothing,” Mandy asks? Should I just be quiet or do I try to figure a reasonable answer? Mandy concentrates on her driving, and not going on with any conversation. But she looks at me with a smile now and then. “So little Sis what else do you want to tell me?”

“I’m the youngest of four brothers and either I pushed my way in to be able to play with the guys or I played with a mixed group of neighbors. I got used to looking up to others I liked and they were often girls. I guess I wasn't supposed to look up to girls.”

“Who told you that?”

“My brothers and other guys, they really get mad that I like Olympic women figure skaters. I'm not very good on skates but I like how graceful women are and how well they skate under pressure. You, your Mom and Marcy, and people often joke that I have pretty eyelashes that should belong on a girl, but I really like them. When I was really young and it was okay to be called cute. So more than once I tried to see what they would look like with make-up. My Mom seemed to truly understand; she once started to help me when she caught me. But she stopped when two brothers came home.”

Mandy changes the subject and I relax as we are driving home. She then calls the salon and asks if her manicurist had an opening. “Brianna, Patti has an opening early this afternoon. We want you to have a second pedicure and manicure, would it be okay if I drop you off there now? …You will get to see the color we are using and can show it off to others at rehearsal.”

I agree and she tells the salon that we would be stopping by. “It may not seem big to you, but this is where someone like me cares about the small things. …I was at a friend’s wedding earlier this year and the salon changed the color of the nail polish and hairstyle of the bridal party. The Bride did not realize it until she saw us at the church and it was too late to get it corrected.”

“Am I having my hair done today as well?”

“No, you will have your hair done with the other girls, but I am thinking of having them do your eyes as well if you don’t mind.”

“You know I wouldn't Mandy, thank you.” She smiles and we stop at a Chinese restaurant for lunch before going to the salon. She calls her Mom to tell her we're back and what we're doing. She thanks me for going with her to the viewing. “It seemed important enough that you be able to be there, and a small thing for me to help.”

I ask, "What do you suggest I order?" Thinking she would suggest something new and good that I would not have chosen myself. Mandy said, “Today is not for trying new things, less you upset your system and we lose our junior bridesmaid.” We talk and I learn more about Mandy as a little girl into her teen years. I now have another woman that I look up to.

We make our way to the salon and we meet Patti with Mandy doing most of the talking and confirming the color she had chosen. My nails would be the same as the bridesmaids, but my lipstick would be slightly lighter. It is age and junior bridesmaid appropriate, and most people won't notice the difference.

Patti wonders aloud why Mandy wants my eyes done tonight and Mandy says it's just a treat for Brianna. Patti's more than happy to give me a special treat, realizing I'm like a little girl in a candy store. She takes me by the hand and to her station. It felt good to have my hands and feet soaking in that waxy/gel again and the transformation of my feet and hands continues.

Patti takes my hands first, while they had kept their shape to my thinking; Patti's looking for better, more girly results. Everything about my hands is now smoother, more feminine. She takes off my extensions to make sure the new ones would make it through the wedding and reception, hopefully, the following day. Surely they would have, but no chances are being taken.

I love the glistening of the dark red color that will be put on, but first I find myself watching the shaping of the nails, I'm watching as one who plans to do it for herself in the future. Patti notices my attention like so many other girls and women, “Do you hope to do your nails like this?”

“I don’t expect to do as well as you, but between the first time and this I’ve learned a lot and realize I need to take better care of my nails, hands, and feet. It is a lot like taking care of my hair and skin. It’s a big change for a... tomboy,” Patti laughs and agrees. Goosebumps formed on my legs and arms as I see how nice I look.

Patti walks me over to a make-up chair and set me back in the chair and goes to work. Focusing on my lips and eyes. Patti first works on my face as the canvas for the other things to follow. I enjoy her smile and expressions as she does this and that steps back and then moves on. I'm anxious about the change but she won't let me see it.

Since I was a junior bridesmaid I knew it would not be as special as it would for the bride or bridesmaids, but it would be special for me. My eyelashes would soon be seen in a beautiful girl. I expected a few hairs lost from my eyebrows but not thinned and shaped as I felt happening. As the wax was pulled from the first eyebrow, I knew it would not soon be back to normal.

I am glad I have a pad on as I need to run to the restroom. Patti called in and told me to clean my hands and come out without looking at my face. I'm sitting back down and I told her I was not ready for my eyebrows to be shaped as I knew I would be in trouble at home. She apologized but we both know there was no going back. “Please proceed, no one has to know there is a problem, I am going to enjoy it for now.” Once again she apologized but was glad to hear I would enjoy it for now.

She's done and she called Mandy to pick me up, but all three sisters and Ruth are there as I get to look in the mirror. Mandy and Marcy both remind me it is okay to be happy but ‘no tears’. I was told three times to take a deep breath before they turned me toward the mirror. There in the mirror with my Grandpa smiling beside me, I saw the most beautiful eyes. Finally, I saw the girl that others always said should have these eyelashes; Marcy first squeezed my hand and hugged me.

My whole face was beautiful but looking out from between my eyelashes my eyes sparkle with joy. The eyelashes did not have much mascara on them, but they are beautifully curved and separated. The color around them is not loud nor heavy either; the simple beauty of what she had done makes a great difference.

My sisters were so happy about how pretty I look. Ruth and my Grandpa were happy but they also understand the significance it means for Brice. Everyone hugs me but Grandpa and Ma Ruth embrace me and thank me. They smile as I told them I will fully enjoy tonight and the wedding tomorrow. We joyfully go to the Storm home. Marcy had me undress and had me sitting around before she allowed me to put on my pantyhose and dress.

“I am sorry but I don’t trust you to keep yourself together.”

I said, “While you may be right, being around women changing and making themselves beautiful, even if it was more casual, It was more than I am used to. You should have helped me dress and sent me to sit with Grandpa Will.”

Marcy and Faith made light of my progress, “Brianna, in just a few days you have gotten very good with pantyhose and getting dressed.”

Marcy said to Faith, “Let’s see how Brianna does with the 3” heels.” The truth is they had me practicing the last two days. Mandy interrupted, “It’s almost like she had done it before.” Marcy and Faith stood around me with mischievous smiles on their face “Don’t worry Brianna we're not getting into this topic now. We appreciate your help and want you to focus on enjoying your part in the wedding.

I go and sit with Pop Pop, and he thanks me for all I'm doing. I snuggle up to Pop as I did as a little kid, but now I feel like his Granddaughter. “Pop Pop, I like helping the Storms and being your Granddaughter. Do you think Grandmother would be proud of me?”

“She is proud of how you look, what you are doing for friends, and especially proud of your new-found music talent.” Grandpa smiled as though he actually could see her happy.

“Can you tell me a little about Grandma while we wait?” He starts sharing one thing after another and he was smiling. “Grandpa, why didn't you share more before?”

“Brianna, when you were a baby and growing up it pained me. It hurt to think about her. I'm sorry that you were too young to understand. Right now we are sharing an experience and I can share the memories of your Grandmother because you are big enough to understand.”

“Bree made sure you have everything you need in your purse and let’s get going to rehearsal,” Marcy said. ‘Bree’, I like that the sisters are riding together and I'm considered one of them. It might not last long but I'm set on enjoying these two days. So I got my purse and we were on our way.

Once there, Mandy quickly told the women that I'm wearing the nail polish to be used for the wedding. I did not realize how much attention it would draw. Once Faith pointed out my eye make-up I thought I was back to being that boy who drew all those comments about my eyelashes. This time however they were complimenting me on how naturally beautiful they were. “How did they make them so beautiful and your lashes so long, I can hardly see and mascara?” Comment after comment was similar to that.

Luckily we did not have to wait long for the rehearsal to begin. The Pastor walked us through the general wedding ceremony twice, from the processional in, through the ceremony and processing out. My responsibilities as an usher were given after rehearsing the wedding. I am to be the first with a Junior Groomsmen to process down the aisle. I am kind of between the rest of the Bridal party and Mandy’s parents and grandparents. The other Junior Bridesmaid was from Richard’s side of the family so she would get to escort his grandparents and parents before the beginning of the ceremony.

Carly, the flower girl did well in processing down but was a pistol neither sitting down nor staying still until she wanted up in my arms. She is three years old and I needed to use a hip like other girls to hold her in place. Others saw it as very cute, but more and more people were seeing me as a girl, and that both bothered me and excited me.

As the first walkthrough was ending the pastor asked if I would honor the service by singing one verse of “How Great Thou Art”. I am caught by surprise and found myself saying yes, but asked if we could sing it the second walk-thru. I hope it would sound poor enough they would rethink their request.

I went to the pianist to check which verse I would sing, I saw someone carrying the wedding gown and it was enough to take my breath away and excite me. To triple dose my pleasure as we process down the aisle for the second walk-thru, I see my grandpa and realize I would get to escort him in before the wedding.

Carly the second time through knew enough to come to me. When it came time to sing at the end of the service I was into the song including the refrain and all went very well. I cannot match the strength and beauty of Carrie’s voice, but I seek to reflect her joy as I sing.

Ed’s Grandmother wanted to walk in and out from the wedding ceremony free of her walker. I took both of her hands as we walked halfway down before I let her take my arm. We did the opposite as we walk out. Ma Ruth understood the difficulty of what I was doing. Walking backward on heels for a woman was regularly difficult enough. I kind of enjoy the challenge and thank God for Her help when done.

Escorting Pop Pop was easier and pure joy and as he lets go he told me, “Tomorrow your Grandmother will be walking with us.” I felt a breeze sweep across my ear and that side of my hair. “She’s with you even now, isn't she?” I didn't know what was happening but enjoyed the thought it could be the spirit of my Grandmother.

We soon go to check the wedding gown and our changing area before heading to the rehearsal dinner. I was so enchanted with the beauty of a wedding gown. I held the silk, satin, lace, tulle all glistening white making the gown so beautiful. Yes, there are sequins, and pearls as precious buttons.

After the rehearsal dinner, Richard and Mandy were giving out gifts to those participating in the wedding party. Mandy came handing me a small gift saying she would replace it after the wedding for something more appropriate. When I opened the gift and find a pearl necklace, I asked Marcy, “Why would Mandy want to replace the gift?”

Mandy giggled and asked, “Would you really want to keep a pearl necklace? Where would you wear it?” As I realize what Marcy's saying my eyes tear and she hugged me, as she knew I wanted to keep them. “Stop that right now or you will wreck your makeup.”

Mandy was to go out with the women in her bridal party, but I excuse myself saying I need my sleep. Seriously I knew it was a girl moment for those who shared a long time in her life. I need to spend some precious time with Ma Ruth and Pop Pop.

Ruth was checking things for the morning and the coming day. She heads for the kitchen and I follow to help her and Pop came to sit and visit as we worked. I'm set to peel carrots than to cut them into sticks, then a good number of celery sticks. Then there is fresh broccoli and cauliflower.

It was Pop and Ruth talking to me or about me that kept my attention. “You did well with Carly, but I didn't know where you learned to hold a child on your hip.” Pop said, “I thought you were quite ladylike all night. I would like to know how you felt earlier when you saw your eyes?”

“Did you think my eyes looked especially pretty, Grandpa?”

“I think what I liked was the same as you, Brianna. They were on a girl and Ruth told me very little makeup was used,” my Grandpa comments. I went to my purse and pulled out a small compact to see if my makeup had held up.

“Yes. It held dear,” said Ruth. “Do you remember that you checked it twice at the church and at least once at the rehearsal dinner?” I thought she was kidding me, but she said, “It seemed to be quite natural the things you were doing as Brianna.” She hugged me as she led me over to my Grandfather where I sat and cuddled with him.

“Will, did you ever think you would see a day like today? I am sure Grace was enjoying this time with you. What do you think your Son, Charles, and his Mom will say?”

“We don’t need to tell my parents any more than we have to!”

Ruth broke back in, “Brianna, I mean Brice; it is not like they don’t know you’re being a bridesmaid. If you act like it is a secret, you will rob them. This is a natural opportunity for them to accept you as we have.” Pop Pop agrees as he gave me a huge snuggle and his whiskers were coarse like sandpaper on my cheeks.

I shower and changed into a nightgown and robe and came back to say goodnight. Marcy, Faith, and Mandy came through the door. “Brianna, if you are sleeping in my room, you will need to sleep on the floor. The Bride gets my bed and I am sleeping in the second bed,” Marcy tells me.

Faith said, “How about I get ready for bed, and Brianna and I will both sleep on the floor. It will be the four sisters. I enjoy so much thinking as Brianna is the youngest sister. It's a nice compliment as several think she looks more like Mandy or me.”

Faith says, "Her Dad must have spent the last of his sperm giving Brianna those eyelashes.” I cringe as that was more than I wanted to hear, but the others even Mom giggled. I was glad that Grandpa had gone to bed. I stay with Mom for a quiet time, allowing others to shower and get ready for bed.

Mom sent me in with some sheets, blankets, and extra pillows. I'm lying down as Mandy comes out of the bathroom with a towel around her hair and another around her body. “Brianna, I appreciate you're not staring but neither do you need to hide your eyes,” said Mandy. “You are showing all the parts I have, so don’t act as though you're not a sister.”

We continued to visit as Mandy finished getting ready for bed, but I admit I'm falling asleep as they visit longer than I can stay awake. Marcy was the first to wake at 6:00 a.m. and she wakes me. She gave me an outfit to change into saying not to worry about a lot of make-up.

I was ready to go to the kitchen for breakfast when Mandy spoke up. “See I enjoy seeing you in your splendor get ready for the day.” With that, I hurried out the door and down to the kitchen where Pop and Ruth asked what had me so embarrassed.

Mom had us pose for several pictures and was ready to send three of us to the salon when my phone rang. It was my real Mom calling to say hello and tell me to enjoy the day. “You looked like another one of the girls in the bridal party. I can’t believe you are my little boy. Tell Ruth I appreciated watching you from afar.”

“Don’t worry Mom after today; I will be back as your youngest son.”

“Tell Ruth I want at least your Bridesmaid gown sent back so I can see you in it in the flesh. I will be more than happy to have it cleaned and properly shipped back to her.”

I said, “You can’t mean that Mom, I would be way too embarrassed.”

“I do mean it and you can put Ruth or your Grandpa on the line so they know what I want. Today I just want you to be Brianna and behave yourself. We can take care of the other stuff when you are home,” Mom said quite emphatically.

It was nine when Marcy, Faith, and I arrived at the salon. Mandy and the Maid of Honor would be a half-hour behind us. The Moms and Grandmothers were going to the salon Ruth uses. I'm taken back to have my hair done. Before the hair was shampooed, conditioned, it was decided with my permission for me to have a permanent and my hair styled. I enjoy the idea of getting a permanent though I don't realize quite what it means for tomorrow or a week from now. My hair is put up in rollers and actually brushed and combed out. I loved each little thing they did.

My nail polish was removed and redone, as was my make-up. It was something to see all the attention Amanda was receiving. I wanted to be a bride in the worst way for a moment but laughed at the thought. With Marcy and Faith done, Mandy has her limo take us to the church to start getting dressed. I'm given my special set of panties and the bra. The panties feel so wonderful going on and as I wear them. After the slip, the dress was carefully dropped over my shoulders and as it glided down my whole body shivered with excitement. My breasts tingle and there was warm dampness between my legs that take me by surprise.

I let out a moan of enjoyment and Marcy took me aside, asking where I learned that. I tell her what happened and how I felt and she said we needed to talk after the wedding and reception as she's concerned. She zips up and hooks the back of my gown. “Why don’t you get a small sandwich and a few sips of something clear to drink, but make sure you and your gown remains spotless. I think Mandy wanted you to help her and her final preparations for the wedding.”

I giggle thinking it was a funny joke but after a small bite to eat and drink; Mandy was there and asking for me. She was down to her panties and bra as I came into her changing room. She's a nicely endowed woman, not very big in comparison to some, but it was how she filled out her frame. She had fun knowing I'm nervous and wanted to look away.

Mandy was beautiful, and while I was a little uncomfortable; I was also excited and thankful to be there. Once when we were alone, I said, “Mandy," my eyes tear and I pause' thank you, I do not understand why you allowed me in this precious moment, but Brianna will be eternally thankful.”

She drew me in with a hug, “Because today you are Brianna, my little sister and it’s the only day I am getting married. I want you to have a special place in my heart forever.” Others come back and we're ready to help her step into her gown. There are over twenty little pearl buttons that need little loops to go over them and I am given the job as my last responsibility before pictures and then to be an usher.

Carly, the flower girl found and latched onto me when pictures were being taken. Her Mom would take her here and there, but she always ended finding her way back to me. Ruth sensed something and told me to be ready for Carly during the wedding, "I already owe you but we may really need you to help us here."

One usher told a person I was Carrie Underwood’s guest singer, I quickly took him aside and said, “Johnny, this is Mandy and Richard’s day, I do not want to become a freaking sideshow today. If the guests bring it up I will handle it, but please let’s keep the focus on the wedding.” Another one of the ushers hugged me.

Fifteen minutes before the wedding, I excuse myself and made my way to a little-used woman’s room. I took care of the necessity, gaining an appreciation for what dressed up women need to go through. I check and fix my makeup and worry about how I'm doing. I make my way to the Bridal party, pick up my flowers, and ask Marcy how I look.

“I can tell you already checked your make-up and hair haven’t you? I want to compliment you on learning so fast. I just want to suggest that Grandpa Will be given a kiss on the cheek from his granddaughter when she escorts him.”

I smiled, “That is sweet of you to suggest that and I think I will.” I hurried to the back of the church to help usher the grandparents. The candle lighters had preceded us and the other Junior Bridesmaid escorted Richard’s Grandparents.

Then it was my turn I first escorted Mrs. Strong; I walk in front of her holding both hands as we made our way just over halfway then I present my arm and with a big smile, she finished walking to her seat. Then there are the Johnsons', Marguerite is petite and she already has tears and Maxwell proper has his handkerchief ready for his wife as they sit down.

Now I'm back to escort Grandpa and it was I who was fighting not to cry. “Grace this is your Granddaughter Brianna.” Not having a person to hug or arm to take, I curtsy. “Please take three steps escorting your grandmother then I will join you for the sake of the others, but I want you to know she is with you.” says my Pop Pop. I take three steps with my arm out to escort Grandma Grace then Grandpa joins me. There is a pause that only Grandpa and I understand. I tapped Pop Pop on the shoulder and when he turned to ask what I gave him a kiss on the cheek. And he sat down.

When I walked back the first Bridesmaid handed me my flowers. Kate, the other Junior Bridesmaid, and I are ready to begin the professional. A Groomsman escorted Richard's parents and Marcy escorts her Mother kissing her on the cheek before she came back.

We waited for the Pastor and Groom to be in place and then the processional begins. Kate and I step out together and walk slowly but did not do the stutter step. Supposedly it is because of the guys, but I and the Bride’s party are happy as well. Carly did well in processing down and dropping the flowers. The Ring bearer was a little slow but Carly stayed after him and pulled him along when needed.

The Amanda escorted by her father came down and I'm awestruck with the beauty of the Bride and know I want to be one. The couple began the ceremony on the main floor and like clockwork when they went up to the chancel area, joined by the Maid of Honor and Best Man, Carly begins to act up until she comes to me. I sought to pick her up as a rehearsal, but Carly says, “My mother said I need to sit on the floor with you and be a good girl.”

I am not sure what to do when Ruth whispers to me "Unbutton the side of your skirt." Which I quickly did. Then I can make it to the floor and Carly sits on my left leg as I strain to sit up straight like a lady. Despite a song and another musical number, the wedding service moves quickly and beautifully. The couple exchanged rings with each other and then exchange roses with their own parents and the parents of the family each was joining. All this time Carly and I sit on the floor watching it.

The wedding was now nearing the end as Carly got up and I struggle to stand as my left leg has fallen asleep. I am standing but in the way of the couple as the 'Blessing' is completed. I can’t yet move or I will fall. I curtsied as did Carly. It wasn't scripted, but it was cute and gave me the needed time to gain my balance and back off. Marcy takes my flowers and hands me a microphone and I began their recessional song.

I'm glad we don’t have to stand in the receiving line and that there are only a small number of pictures needing to be taken. The photographer wanted a picture from the front of Carly and me sitting on the floor, one of us curtsying and another of me singing that was along with the traditional pictures to be taken.

We, the wedding party, rode in a stretch limousine through Mandy’s neighborhood, to their new house where we get more pictures taken as well as to a park with a neat overlook of a lake. Marcy and Faith were close by as the Groomsmen and Ushers were each taking turns giving me their attention. I am flattered they see me as a pretty girl but I am uncomfortable with the attention. “You might as well relax and enjoy it, unless you want people to wonder,” Marcy and Faith say similar thoughts.

One of the ushers wrapped his arms around me for one picture and I lean back as it felt good. When I turn around to see who it is and to thank him, he kisses me on the cheek and hugged me. When I complained of my high heels and walking on the ground. He swooped me off my feet and carried me back to the limo.

Faith jokes, “I see you've decided to relax and be comfortable.” Marcy joked that he better not spoil my blossom as I'm quite young. He blushed at that but not as much as I when I understand the implications. Finally, we are at the reception. After the Bride and Groom’s first dance then there are dances with their parents. Next, there's a dance for those at the wedding party.

Everyone except me had a partner, several guys are raising their hand or speaking up for the possibility. One person was pointing to a guy next to her and I decided that would be a safe choice. I ask him to dance with me; he paused, pushes himself away from a table, and rises to be a 6’2” hunk. My feelings as a girl are very frustrating to Brice, though Brianna was not listening.

He took my hand leading us to the dance area and introduced himself, Josh Smith. Faith greets Josh while we are dancing; “Brianna did you know that you chose an authentic student-athlete, he was received in the National Honor Society at the end of his freshman year.” I looked up and could tell he is embarrassed.

“I don’t know all your achievements, you just look like a good guy to know and be with. After you stood up I could see the athletic possibility. I am impressed that Faith called you a real student-athlete.” As the dance ends the next dance begins and someone announces, "Each hour there will be a waltz."

Josh asks if I know how to waltz and I immediately said yes but forgot I learned it as a guy. So I quickly add, “But not very well.” Josh smirked and said, “Let me lead and you just relax, listen to the music and enjoy.” I did that and was surprised how well we did. It takes half the dance to trust my following him. But the movement and the feel of my gown and as a girl were quite enjoyable.

When we walk off the dance floor Ruth and Grandpa both greet me with smiles talking about how well I have done. I'm glad they compliment Josh as it takes some attention off of me. I needed to relax and take in what I can do. Several guys want me to dance and I do.

It's really nice when Richard cuts in and thanks me for being part of the wedding. The next dance Amanda was dancing with me. “Hey Brianna I am quite impressed with all my little sister can do. I so appreciate your singing and how well you handled Carly. Allowing her to sit on you and then the curtsy before the song was so sweet of you. Carly and you together were so precious. The photographer says she was able to get several pictures of you two.”

That dance ended and Marcy came up suggesting a dance of the four sisters and their Mom with their boyfriends. They quickly agreed and called Josh for me. Richard asked for his sister and mother to get their boyfriends as well as his sister and her husband. So it starts with eight pairs of dancers. When the dance ended the MC asks all of the couples to share a huge kiss in celebration of Mandy and Rich’s marriage.

I was caught leaning back surprised when Josh so readily leaned down to kiss me. Everyone save me thought it was such a darling gesture. It was a warm and beautiful kiss. My mouth opened in surprise and was taken as an invitation by Josh to give me a French kiss. It was so nice and quick that I found myself naturally responding in kind. To my embarrassment as Josh pulls back I reach for his head as if to stop him.

The next dance happened to be a waltz, so Josh and I remain as dance partners. We were once again dancing around the floor doing better than the first time. Then Josh drew me close and there we stayed and slow down some. First I wonder if I had done something wrong, especially as I feel Josh pressing hard against me. I realized Josh is very excited and to keep from embarrassing him, we finished the dance that way.

We maneuver such that as the dance ends we can walk away from the crowd and outside undetected. Once he fixed himself the best he could we go for a walk and talk. “Josh,” I said, “I am not expecting a kiss. It was my first time to kiss a boy just two days ago.” We laugh at how it transpired and quickly became a French kiss.

He said, “But it felt so good. How do you explain the passion of the kiss if it was all by accident?”

“I might have been surprised, but I didn't say I didn't like it. You are quite a hunk for a young girl to find herself kissing.”

“You might be young but you are not a girl, (my heart quickly stops) but a beautiful, enticing young woman.”

I looked down and see that Josh was starting to become aroused again. “I think I will go back in and let you cool off a little. I would like to dance again later if you can handle it.”

I go back to my table and took a sip of my drink and realize it is now champagne. It tastes good and not like anything strong. The reception was now at the dollar dance and several cute events. I'm coaxed into singing a Carrie Underwood song and as I was singing Marcy was waving for me to stop. She took the microphone, “Carrie Underwood is on the phone to extend her greetings to Rich and Mandy. She heard Brianna singing in the background.” Then she put the phone to the microphone and tells Carrie to go ahead and speak.

Carrie “I am at an intermission and I just want to share with Richard and Mandy that I wish you the best in your married life and that you enjoy your marriage, as much as I enjoy mine. I do want to ask those gathered with you how was my young friend, Mandy's little sister doing in singing for you? Does she sound good to you? I really want to know.” Some of the people began to applaud and others cheered and the response grew quite strong.

“Brianna, I heard you were making out with a guy and I want you to regain your lady-like composure. Sorry, I can’t be with you as I need to run, good-bye and my greetings to all.” The crowd became very quiet as they were quite impressed as was the couple that she would call. Marcy asked me to close my singing with “Jesus Take the Wheel”. I have not sung it before in public, but the MC had been given a split track CD and quieted the sound of Carrie. It feels good though I know I'm no Carrie.

It was about 11:30 and the couple was seeking to be away just before midnight. Mandy was asked to sit as Richard raised her skirt as he is to retrieve the garter. The single girls were asked to gather for the throwing of the Bride's bouquet. I don’t want to be a part of it, but ultimately Mandy and others kind of force to take part. I thought I'm off enough to the side to be safe, but Mandy is distracted as she threw the bouquet and come in my direction and I jump and catch it much to my surprise.

Mason, a college classmate of Richard, caught the garter. I thought all that was over as a younger kid I had never stayed around or remembered what was done. I was told, I needed to take a seat as he placed the garter as high up on my leg as he dared. I had drunk another glass of champagne and my courage was up and good judgment was down. I sat and tease Mason a little bit, but he did not need any encouragement. It was I who was now being teased as he gently slides up the garter. Even halfway up my calf, I'm already getting excited and as he got up to my knee I raised my skirt just a bit higher. One of his hands slid higher on my leg.

Marcy approached from the back and took one of my hands and whispered she's there and I was doing fine. I joked back but my voice carried, “Then why don’t you sit here with a man’s hand up your leg?” The crowd laughs and I regain my composure and dared Mason to go another 3”. Well, he went five and I am sure his hand touched my panty. My body trembles from nerves I thought, but the feelings were like fireworks of joy.

Marcy and I then go to the women’s room as Mason wanted the garter for a souvenir and I am not having him, under my skirt again. I told Marcy about my trembling with fear, then explain the joy and she tells me, “It looked like you might have experienced a small orgasm or ejaculation but it doesn't smell like you did.”

When I told Marcy that it wasn't that, it was from inside and nothing came out and it was up around my heart as well. Marcy smiled and when I ask and even insist she tell me she said it needed to wait until later. She did hug me and said she was happy for me.

Everyone that was left saw the couple off and while some left, the party continued until after 1:00 p.m. During the evening I had a couple of dances with Pop Pop, a slew with various guys most of whom I did not know nor would remember. But the last two were again with Josh.

I helped gather decorations, centerpieces, and other things as Ruth asked, but alas I was tired and fading fast. Josh no sooner said he would help me to the car and I find myself swooning in his arms and he lifted me and carried me to the car. A cool breeze awoke me enough to enjoy being carried and placed into the car. Ruth suggested to Josh that he ride with us as they could use the help in getting me into the house. Yes, Marcy and Faith were coming home, and Ed could have helped me as well.

Josh got me up to Marcy’s room and as he gently set me down; I said, “You are sure lucky to be a guy. You can go home and flop down and even sleep in your clothes. Do you realize I have to wake up, get undressed take off my makeup, fix my hair for the night, be nice to my skin? That doesn't include hanging up my beautiful gown, unharness my bra, and more that I won’t even mention to a guy.”

“When my sisters came home and when Ma Ruth came in we would get into conversations and I would pay for it in the morning. Do you realize all that, of course, you don’t you're a guy? …I do want to thank you for being a sweet guy and being nice to me. I don’t understand all that either, but I thank you and God.”

“O God, I hope no one expects me to be up early to go to church. Thanks, Josh I better let you go before we talk and I nibble that cute ear off.”

Marcy was at the doorway, though I don’t know for how long, “That was very cute l’tle Sis, remind me to tell you some time so you will remember. …Thanks, Josh for all of your help. She's not used to days like this.”

Josh excused himself and walked four houses away to his own home.

There's something therapeutic about taking care of oneself, getting ready for bed, and talking to another girl. I can feel myself come back to life. Not anymore rested, but as Mom and Faith make their way to the room we know we need to relive the day with each other. I took a quick shower, wrapping one towel around my hair and another around my body. I patted myself dry and scoot on a baby-doll bottom and then the top as I dropped that towel with perfect timing. The other women laugh and I mimicked them, “Boy she has learned a lot in less than a week.” They all smirk and giggle at me.

Marcy too changes in the room but it was Brianna who jealously watched, not Brice. I could not believe how many more girls see and experience the wedding and reception. They knew most of what I did, but I patiently share what they already knew and some insights that they missed.

Marcy’s boyfriend proposed sometime during the evening, but Marcy wasn't biting, one she wasn't sure about their relationship, and 2) she says "It was way too early for me; like Mandy, I value my education." Ruth liked her thought but doesn’t discount that there was some hurt there.

Luckily Faith has two years of high school or she would have said yes to Ricky. But it was their Sister that dominated the evening. Mom's stories ranged from Mandy’s birth, so many life events, letting her go, and watching her blossom.

Somewhere in there, I fall asleep faintly remembering my sisters and Carolina Mama praying over me and each giving me a kiss goodnight. I'm restless that night wondering when and knowing I had to change back to being Brice.

The next morning after Mandy and Richard open their gifts and set out for the Honeymoon we're to go to the shore. Pop Pop and I would head home from there. I'm sure it was Brice who was to go to the beach, and that I needed to get back to being him. Part of me, however, wanted a day at the beach as Brianna. Who was to win out?

To be continued

Your comments and kudos are greatly appreciated. Please take the time to let the author know if you liked the story. My thanks to Joni for proofreading and several helpful suggestions. Any errors you find are from me the writer.

Pop Pop and the Unexpected Bridesmaid — 3After the Wedding’s Over

*Thanks to K-jo for being able to mention her presence in the story.
Marcy was at the doorway, though I don’t know for how long, “That was very cute L’tle Sis, remind me to tell you sometime when you will remember. …Thanks, Josh for all of your help. She's not used too many days like this week.”

There is something therapeutic about taking care of oneself, getting ready for bed and talking to another girl. I could feel myself come back to life… I took a quick shower, wrapping one towel around my hair and another around my body. …I scooted on a baby-doll bottom and then the top as the towel in perfect timing. The other women laughed, “Boy she has learned a lot in less than a week.”

Somewhere in there, I fell asleep faintly remembering my sisters and Carolina Mama praying over me and each giving me a kiss goodnight... I was restless wondering when I get a chance to change back to being Brice... After Mandy and Richard set out for the Honeymoon we were to go to the shore. Pop Pop and I would head home from there. I was sure it was Brice who was to go to the beach, and that I needed to get back to being him, however, some wanted me at the beach as Brianna. Who was to win out?

On our way to the beach, I fell asleep as did Marcy and Faith. I spoke of the desire to switch back to Brice, but I unloaded Brianna’s clothes and Ruth took me to a store just off the beach to buy a swimsuit. She knew enough as we got to the store to take hold of my hand. I saw the women inside and the swimsuits, fear gripped me. I tried to bolt from the store but Ruth had my hand; she smiled at me having expected my reaction.

“Brianna, relax and realize this time is for you. You have had a special week and you should relax and enjoy this as a girl now appearing as a young woman.” Ruth’s words spoke to me and I found myself hugging her with tears in my eye but not crying.

Ruth told me the size to look for when I found suits I like and she suggested I choose three suits and she would send me to the changing room. Faith looked with me as did another good looking girl. She had on four-inch sandals, beautifully tan legs coming up to a short red skirt. She had a netting covering a white bikini top.

Faith, “Brianna, are you telling me you would like to look at a bikini?”

The other girl had a name tag “k-jo” and she spoke up, “I think every girl wants to try a bikini but not all can pull it off.” She smiled, stepped back and looked at me. “Brianna is it? Yes, if it is okay with your mom I think you and your sister would look really good in bikinis. Don’t tell your mom but you got the shape from her. She too could be a hot mamma in a bikini.” Faith and I laughed and almost choked when Mom asked what was funny.

“Are you a salesperson,” I asked? She nodded and I looked at her bikini top.

“Mine is a white suede bikini, but I have enough beach time to make it worth having as one of my swimsuits.”

Like a fool, I asked, “You have a white suede bottom as well, that must look tough.” K-jo stepped back untied the bow on the side to let her skirt drop. “Wow K-jo, you look as great as the bikini itself.”

“Are you trying to hit on me? You are a bit young but I like your spirit.”

“No, but I wouldn’t mind looking as good as you. You fill it out and it’s like a second skin that will tease any guy.” Faith elbows me as she can’t believe I am carrying on the conversation I am. Faith got me back to picking out three swimsuits. I went to get back and when I got back there was a fourth suit a mock suede light blue bikini.

Mom smirked, “Are you suggesting you’re ready for a bikini.

“No, I didn’t put that one there.”

“You’re telling me you’re not interested in trying on a bikini.” She gave me three swimsuits to try on, one being the bikini. She whispered to me as I passed by, “Because of the gaff, it likely won’t work, but I will take a picture from the right view if you want a keepsake.”

The single piece blue swimsuit with a low back looked really nice to me, but I chose to go with the two-piece brown and tan suit. I didn’t find out until the next day that Mom bought me both.

Faith had a sundress she was getting and *K-jo saw me eyeing it. “So are you planning to wait until your sister has had a chance to wear it or what?” Ruth heard the comment and saw me looking at the dress and took me over to the boutique selection. The others and I agreed on a cute white, red, green and yellow number.

When I went back to try it on k-jo suggested I use the top to my new swimming suit, saying, “I’ll show you how to change into it at the beach. I did as was asked and really fell in love with the sundress. Mom and Faith liked the dress but giggled at my wearing the swimsuit top. K-jo interrupted and asked, “Mom is it alright if I show her how to change out of her swimsuit now that she has her dress on?”

“It is suggested to be under a blanket to use some discretion then to reach behind and unhook your top and pull it through the dress carefully.” Mom and Faith held a blanket in front of me and I was asked to do it. It worked neatly and then I was asked to do the same with the bottom. I did that and handed my panty to Mom. Then they put down the blanket and walked away.

“Mom, Faith don’t leave me like this,”

“Now that is a cool look” K-jo giggled. Mom handed me my purse and told me to finish getting dressed and let’s get going. We brought the sundress and I changed back to my original outfit and we headed back to our cottage.

Faith, Marcy and I were soon on our way to the beach. We had put on shorts and tops partially to be modest, but also to see the guys look as we took them off. I wondered what the guys would think if they knew they were watching a guy partially undress.

I got out my tanning lotion as a guy walked near and asked if he could do my back and shoulders. I could not help but enjoy having the strong hands of a guy on my back and shoulders, and the girl-like hands putting lotion on my midriff and inner legs. I turned around and thanked him but was taken by his eyes looking at mine.

He said, “I heard you speak; you are not from the Carolinas, but I wanted to meet you.”

I asked why he wanted to meet me and I was not ready for his response, “You’re pretty and you look like a nice person to know.”

“I am kind of shy and I am not used to guys either thinking or saying that.”

Travis introduced himself and turned to Marcy and Faith, “Do you think it would be okay if I took your little sister or cousin in the water for a swim?”

Marcy spoke up, “Don’t listen to the shy routine. Go take her and drown her, she will love a reason to hold you.” I tried to protest what Marcy said, but Travis took my hand and we were running for the water. We dove in and with my luck, I could not feel the bottom when I came up. I soon had my arms on his shoulders and he pulled me into his warm body.

“You must play some sports or do something to stay in such good shape.” My body was tingling but it was not my manhood that was responding. I was hoping the warmth of my chest couldn’t be felt through the breast forms, but I could feel my body responding. I pushed out of his arms but swam out to deeper water despite knowing better.

I am a decent swimmer but I have been raised with a healthy respect for the ocean and to learn about the waters you are swimming in. Travis swam out to me and asked if things were okay. I confessed a partial truth, “I am a little embarrassed, I am not used to the attention of a good looking guy like you.” “Nor do I usually swim out like this without knowing the waters.”

Travis was nice and said, “A short ways down the beach the floor of the ocean is not as steep, If you like we could go in down there.”

“I wouldn’t mind walking the beach and back, but I don’t think I want to be away from Marcy and Faith.” He showed me where I could gain my footing, and then as we made our way out we walked down the beach. The sun went behind a cloud as a cool breeze hit me and I found myself wrapped around Travis for warmth.

When we were back I went over to sunbathe with my sisters and Travis was back with his group. A younger sister had brought down their puppy. I was lying stomach down and Marcy suggested I undo my backstrap which I did. It was not more than a few minutes and I had a puppy on my back first licking me and then pulling on my strap.

I was now in a predicament as I could not find both ends and Marcy and Faith were slow to help. “Marcy you help me or else.”

“Travis helped with the lotion, I bet he could do it if he wanted,” she responded. The puppy had now found my hair as I found the straps and tried sitting up as I hooked them. I got them hooked but I also knew the top had shifted and revealed more. Marcy spoke again, “I thought even a Yankee would have the decency to wait until it was properly hooked before getting up.” Then she laughed and gave me a hug from the back and helped me to shift it properly in position.

The puppy was on my lap and licking me in the face as I was playing with her. “You know no shame in working on a girl, do you?” Meg, Travis’s sister took me seriously and looked sad and was about to defend him. “I’m just kidding him, your hunk of a brother already knows I like him. This is a very pretty pup, is she a sheltie,” I asked her.

“We call her Moxie or Curly Cue, we’re not exactly sure yet but she has a really long name because she has papers,” Meg said. Moxie chose that moment to get real excited and to piddle on me. Others laughed but I got up and asked, Meg, to follow me. We went a few steps into the ocean and I sat down to clean off Moxie and myself.

She liked the water so we let her swim between the two of us and now Meg was my good friend. Travis came out into the water and we gave him a hard time about not being a southern gentleman. Then Meg broke the ice, “Do you really think Travis is a hunk? Why don’t you come to our place for dinner tonight, so Travis can show you off?”

I was turning red and Travis was on his sister for saying that. “She doesn’t have to say yes. Maybe she doesn’t really find you cute.” She turned her face to me and winked. I could not help but giggle and give her a hug.

“Travis, don’t pick on your sister, we’re friends. I could tell your parents you were mean to her.” Marcy, Faith and a small crowd were amusing themselves listening to our conversation.

“I think we are going to the Hideaway tonight for dinner with you and your Pop Pop as our special guests,” Marcy spoke up.

“Yes but if our family is there too then Travis and…” Travis whispered in her ear “…and Brianna can dance and kiss” Marcy said. Faith asked if she had any bigger brothers. Someone in the crowd spoke up, “We can make sure a few more guys are there.”

Moxie was getting tired and cold so we got her out of the water and running to warm up and dry off. It was time to get back to our cottage as we got back with Moxie and she was pretty dry. I was walking away and saying good-bye as Meg spoke up again. “Travis, aren’t you even going to give her a hug and a kiss?”

“We just met L’tle Sis.” Marcy recited all the things we already did, including two walks, swimming… I looked around at the sound of his voice close by and soon found myself in his arms, looking into his eyes and choosing to participate in a hug and kiss. As I responded back the kiss went longer and deeper. I was now overheating and I was feeling guilty for kissing another boy like that.

“I will see you later!” as I broke contact and ran up to the cottage holding all I had as I ran. Once inside I had to pause to think which room I was in, but I quickly ran there, closed the door and flopped on the bed. I wasn’t sure if I should cry or be angry. It was a moment before Mom Ruth and my sisters came in.

Mom asked me what happened, but I told them “There was too much, let Marcy or Faith tell it.” They took turns telling different parts starting and ending with the kiss and hug.

“Should I ask Brice or Brianna what you have to say for yourself? That is pretty overwhelming even for a normal girl,” Mom said. It was then I hid my face in the bed and cried. I heard the door open and close so I knew someone went out but was it, mom or my sisters?

A gentle hand pulling me up and to her confirmed it was Mom. “I feel so mixed up good and bad. I have feelings that a boy shouldn’t have and I am ashamed that I am not more ashamed, but I like it. Then there is part of me that thinks I should gag having kissed a boy.”

“What am I going to tell Poppa, ‘nd do I need to tell my parents?”

“Poppa Will and I feel responsible and guilty enough for you. The big question is why has the boy who helped us pretending to be a junior bridesmaid, done so well at being a girl. As far as I am concerned if you want you can shower and be Brice right now. Poppa Will is willing to leave in the morning. I would be very comfortable with that.”

A voice from behind me spoke, “But I am not sure that is what you want; you have kept delaying going back to being Brice. Truthfully, I think Brianna is excited to have these experiences.” It was Poppa speaking and I was soon in his arms as both the fear and guilt melted away.”

“Grandma Grace is probably disappointed with her grandson; I should have stopped pretending when the reception was over. I just thought, coming to the beach would be a nice time and no problem.”

I walk over to Ruth, “I know it’s just a puppy love crush, but it felt so real and so good, how I could let myself get so wound up? I’m not a girl but I feel like one and I know it shouldn’t but it feels so good.” I am crying in Ruth’s arms.

“Is it okay if I excuse Grandpa, for now, we need to have a girl to girl, mother/daughter talk?” With only one word Grandpa stepped out, “Brianna your Grandma and I couldn’t love you more than right now.”

Ruth sat me down on the edge of the bed and waited for me to look her in the eyes. “Young lady we have been pen pals four years, been even closer the past week. I am not your mother but seemingly you have become my fourth daughter and I couldn’t love you more than I do.”

“Puppy Love as you call it is very real and more than that to those feeling it. It is a term usually used by others as in this case. The person embarrassed and who used the term was Brice, and the one with the tender heart who feels and says it is wonderful is Brianna. The really hard part for you is that they are one in the same person, yet not.”

“As I said if you want to change back to Brice right now I would understand and help you to do so, but I don’t want you to running because of others. Nor do I want you hiding behind your grandmother and regretting it later.”

“Will doesn’t talk about your grandma much, but years ago when he asked if I would be your Pen Pal, he told me something that he mentioned again the other day. He said after you were born your grandma told him and your mother that there was a girl in you. Your name was going to be Bruce, named after a friend of the family, but your Mom named you Brice. Your Mom said it allowed for her baby boy and the girl, she and Grandma believe was alive as part of you.”

“Someone said I was to have been named for Bruce Gillette, I met him he was an engineer and helped build a great dam in Egypt. …Why hadn’t Grandpa shared this with me?”

“He is happy to have seen you, but I think he doesn’t want to influence you one way or the other. He loves YOU and to him, that is Brice/Brianna.”

“I don’t want to change back tonight nor tomorrow as Brice, tonight at dinner or tomorrow at the beach I want to be Brianna, but I am not used to all these feelings. How am I to handle them? I am wondering what to wear, I’m hoping to dance with Travis and I need a Mom.”

Mom and I hugged, continued to visit and Brianna settled back down. She told me to shower and to get ready to go to dinner. We will wait until just before 8, so we're around when the dancing begins. She suggested I wear my new sundress but make sure I wore my good panties.

I went out to the family room and found Marcy painting her dad’s nails. “Dad was on good behavior during the wedding, but he has earned the right to let his hair down and to enjoy color which is more his style,” Marcy said. Ed smiled and Pop Pop was nearby saying nothing, watching for my reaction. I looked closer at Ed and realized the complexion of his face was much nicer than the average guy as were his hands. It was something I had not noticed the past week

This explains a bit more their acceptance of my transformation, but was it planned or a coincidence? Ruth had come into the room as to underscore asking the question. “Was my becoming Brianna something you planned or something that just happened?”

“We did not plan nor expect the death of Bree’s grandmother. And while I (Ruth) hoped for your help with the wedding I didn’t expect Brianna.

Marcy spoke up, “I can’t claim to be so innocent. Grandpa Will told me of your storytelling and that in your animal stories besides you and your grandpa there was usually a girl and sometimes other friends but always a girl. When Grandpa asked you who she was or her name, just that she was a friend of the good animals.”

“When you came last week and we needed a girl to take her place and you were about Bree’s size; I thought just maybe you were the girl in the stories. I wasn’t concerned with you; I was just thinking about my sister’s wedding.”

“Marcy that is a bit of a stretch?”

“It may not be related, but she was Bree’s size and set on helping us. It does kind of help make sense of how well her role-playing has gone so well. Now you’re dressed for dinner and continuing at Brianna. Maybe Bruce is the male side of Brice and Brianna is you like the girl you are. The beach here is nothing special except the community is very accepting and inclusive. It is a safe place to be oneself; it’s an affirming community of people.”

“We first came here for Daddy but we really enjoy it for ourselves. I wouldn’t have been open enough to ask you about possibly taking Bree’s place or might have felt grossed out when you tried the dress and liked the idea. Brianna, have you kept in touch with Carrie or Jeanette about how you are doing?”

“Yes, I usually text Jeanette each day and hear from one of them every other day. They say it is like a teenage soap opera or reality TV except the others are usually fake or insignificant. Carrie apologized twice if she pushed me into anything. She said there was something Wednesday in Washington, D.C. she wondered if Brianna could be at? She said there will be an important Senate committee hearing.”

“Well, you can’t do that your identity would be in jeopardy.”

“That is what I said, but they text me back and our family friend, Bruce Gillette is coming from an international project to attend the same hearing. He has secured my identity through the Secret Services, a.k.a. Brianna.”

“So are you and Grandpa Will going to go to Washington, D.C. and what are the Senate Committee Hearings about?”

“Carrie said they have to do with teen and young women being single parents or placing their children for adoption. Our presence is to emphasize that this is not just the concern of single moms. One, but of each female because of rape, a mistake or an act of love and romance that leaves a young woman alone to carry the burden. Second, is the surprise how many of them are heroines we the community can look up to and come alongside one another.”

“Marcy, this experience has helped me to see life in ways I did not know or understand before. I am just beginning to learn, many of the Senators and citizens of our nation are doing the same. I really don’t think people like me make a difference, but Carrie and Mr. Gillette are. I don't mind the experience, but I feel like I will be along for the ride and a day or two longer as Brianna.”

Marcy said, “If you get to speak the Senators, they may just hear from a lot more people who identify with you. You look more like the young women who might become such a person. The Senators might have a daughter, granddaughter or niece that you remind them of.”

“It’s spooky, but I do identify with them like I’m your little sister and a girl that was so lucky to sing with Carrie Underwood.”

I went and sat on the arm of Grandpa’s chair. He drew me in and I was soon on his lap. I thought I was too big and heavy to be in his lap now. Is Brianna lighter or is it because I’m his granddaughter. I sat there and enjoyed is Old Spice the security of being in his presence.

“Grandpa, Carrie Underwood wants us to go to Washington, D.C. and she said Bruce Gillette is going to be there as well. Have you heard from Mr. Gillette?”

Grandpa smiled and said, “It seems you are a celebrity who might be able to make a difference... I was concerned for you so I talked to Bruce. He was surprised that you are Brianna, but he has a granddaughter who thinks you speak very well for her and her daughters. She saw you sing via a download from the concert.”

“So do you think I should go, go as Brianna?” He nodded, “I hope I have time to email Carrie and Jeanette before dinner.” I scooted off giving Grandpa a kiss on the cheek that he affectionately returned. Jeanette, Carrie and I chatted about fifteen minutes when I was told we were going to dinner.

Ed was now Edie with a nice wig and very good makeup. She looked five years younger than Ed. There was some hint of some masculinity with Edie but no hint of Ed. He, she was out to enjoy herself. While Faith was comfortable with me she was not usually comfortable with her dad as Edie. But even Faith enjoyed dinner and the evening.

Travis and his family were already at the restaurant and waiting for their food. He was polite enough to allow us to order before he came and asked if he could take me over to introduce me to his mother Cheryl. Travis really does have a brother but Ted is two years younger with Megan being the youngest. There was another woman who had enough similarities to Cheryl that I thought she might be a younger sister. But Sharon was introduced as a very close friend. Later she and Cheryl would dance together and look very much like a loving couple.

I had a salad, crab, and stir-fried southern vegetables for dinner, very different from what Brice would eat. I knew Travis was looking over and trying to get my attention as we ate. But I was raised to give my attention to those I was eating with and I enjoyed the conversation over dinner. I enjoyed peaches and cream for dessert.

Then I went with the women to the lady’s room to freshen up. Faith was a bit uncomfortable because Edie was invited my Ruth to come along. I giggled and asked Faith if she was uncomfortable with me being there.

When we came back the table was cleared and I was sure Grandpa paid the bill, which I knew did not come easy for him, but it was in his giving nature. I felt a bit sad as I knew he had been paying for some of my clothes as well as our time in Washington, D.C. ahead. “Grandpa, I love you but you shouldn't have. I am sorry that I am costing you so much.”

Grandpa said, “You understand too little about how much life is worth and how little it costs to celebrate what is important. But you have not come dressed up just to eat, now go and dance.”

“Papa, he hasn’t even asked me yet.”

“Your Grandma did not always wait for me to ask. Do not be afraid to show your colors or to let your heart speak for itself.”

“Do you really think I should do that Grandpa? Mom says we can’t date without her permission.” Pop Pop wouldn’t answer me, so I meandered over to Travis’ table. I feel like I am being a tease as I resist asking him to dance, yet I enjoy setting up the invitation.

Cheryl looks me over and Sharon smiles at my gumption to seek Travis out. Travis waits for a new dance to begin to rise and take my hand. It is a faster song; I didn't worry about particular steps but to flow and move with the music. We’d come close then part to find our way back together again. I twirl and the movement of the skirt makes me feel all girl.

I enjoyed the next two songs being slow. I drew Travis close enough to know he is pleased that for tonight I am his girl. I made sure we are out of sight of his table as I give him a peck near the base of his jaw. I hear Sharon speak, “It is okay his mom makes me feel the same way.”

I know I blushed and Travis enjoyed the warmth come to my cheeks. I fluttered my eyes shyly, an innocence of any wrongdoing. Marcy bumps me and suggests like the song I slow down. “Remember this is only as far your flirting can go.” I broke off the dance and asked Travis if we could walk out of sight of so many eyes. He was only too happy to accommodate me.

A breeze had kicked up coming off the ocean; I enjoyed the mist of the sea on my face and my hair blowing back. Travis went from holding my hand as we stepped out to put an arm around me and his hand hugging my waist. I totally felt as Brianna. We did not go completely down to the ocean but far enough to be alone in the moonlight.

Travis turned and we embraced in a warm and delicious kiss. We rocked back and forth on the sand to the music we could only faintly hear. Travis was becoming hard as I looked into his eyes with a warm smirk. “I am happy to be with you as well. I am sorry that while I too am moved, it’s too early to be more involved.”

I could see disappointment and fear on his face but his excitement would not let up. I wrapped my hand gently around his hardening penis, surprised I was enjoying its size and feel in my hand.

I moved around behind him as I gently ran my hand back and forth as it grew. Travis shook and soon he was cumming in bursts then oozing. He moaned with joy but I knew he was also embarrassed, saying he was sorry. “Are you sorry that you find me attractive and exciting? Were you not able to feel the warmth and tremors of my body?”

There was no answer and none was expected. He wiped himself clean, and I gave him a feminine pad to buffer any seepage as he put himself back in. “I suspect being among your family you should know how to dispose of it.” As he zipped up his pants I came back around and we had a warm embrace. I used but a slight scent of my perfume, touching his neck just below his ear.

He thought he needed more, I said less was more and sent a better message. I do not know if the pad had anything to do with it but Travis was more sensitive and endearing the remainder of our time together.

Before we went back in to see the others I put a little lipstick on him and then kissed it off. But I guess his mother found a trace later and welcomed him to the club. Neither of us was sure what that meant, but he said he had a good visit with his mom before he went to sleep.

k-jo was now present at the club and looking sharp in a very attractive, very short dress. While it was in good taste it looked provocative. She was with a hunk of a guy, many of the guys and women envied them both. From her tan to her make-up, from her hair to her heels and glistening nails, we gals were taken by the detail of her beauty. She is so provocative as far as the guys were concerned and as many women agreed but with a good sense of class and taste.

Even Marcy commented, “It’s a look if I could pull it off like her I would try.” To Faith, she said, “Now if I were to try something with another woman k-jo would draw my interest.” She and Faith commented further but did so out of anyone’s hearing. I tried to get into their discussion but they waved me off. I couldn’t help but see that Marcy was excited about something as they giggled. She had a bit and licked her lips enough that she needed to go to the women’s room again and redo her make-up.

It was 11:00 when Ruth thought it was time for me to get back to our lodge. Marcy and Faith were told to start home at midnight. At fourteen an able to run machinery at my uncle’s farm and do hard work, I thought I should be able to stay out later but Ruth said, it wasn’t up for discussion. Pop and Eydie had already gone back to the lodge, now Ruth was taking me back.

Ruth suggested I get ready for bed and she would be back in. I was in the shower and prepared myself as a girl for bed. I was enjoying myself immensely as the time alone was fun but too short. Ruth talked to me as a young daughter. She thought she should be going with me to D.C., but said she needed to get back to work.

The discussion returned to my time with Travis and our walk on the beach. I didn’t tell her what happened, nor did she ask, “You handled yourself well and by your smile returning I knew you enjoyed being his girlfriend.” It was not what we said but what was understood between us that caused me to hug her. She gave me a kiss on the forehead and covered me with a sheet to go to sleep.

I was awakened with my sisters coming into the room. I acted asleep knowing what they would say would change if they thought I was awake. Among other things, Marcy had a dance with K-jo. Faith commented on how K-jo went too far out of her way to please the guy she was with.

Marcy said K-jo was sure enough about herself to do what she wanted and submitting herself to him was not to be seen as weakness. “I hope to see her tomorrow at the McCreary house."

It was not long after that Faith and Marcy were pounding me with pillows, realizing I was listening in on their conversation as well as watching them change. Marcy had been in the shower and had a towel around her as they pounded me. To my displeasure, the towel held until she was slipping a nightgown over her head.

Mom came into the commotion of the pillow fight and another time of talking began. This time it was Marcy who tucked me in as I tried to fight from falling asleep. Marcy, Faith, and Mom each kissed my cheek and I enjoyed being the youngest for that moment.

Mom gathered outfits I might need for Washington, D.C. and took them to be cleaned and ready, while I headed to the beach with Marcy and Faith. Though we went a couple of sections over, not long after and Meg then Travis found us. We were having a very good time when K-jo showed up. I was enthralled with her and she wasn’t on any guy’s arm.

I went over and said hello and was surprised when she smiled and asked if I wanted to take a walk with her to the McCrery place. She said it was a good way down the beach. She had on a red bikini with a thin net top over it. We walked along the shore where the sand was lightly wet a pretty firm the cork base sandals had over a 3” heel but were wide enough not to sink.

I was hot just walking with her and ten minutes into our walk she pointed to a house and said it was Ms. McCrery’s place. It was available for the joy of young women and somehow was a safe spot. I held her hand for a short time but she said I was too young to be a close girlfriend.

Marcy and I will meet there; we’ve been friends of a few years. I mentioned Marcy had a boyfriend and k-jo said that was okay so did she. Neither of us is married nor engaged, she responded.

She complimented my look and said I was growing into a very attractive and desirable young woman. Just the way she said it made me warmer. I could feel myself becoming warm and damp between my legs. K-jo came right out and asked if I was in heat or at that time of the month. She grabbed my hand and we gently ran to the house. How she managed in her sandals I do not know, except that she looked good in doing so.

We walked around the house near a wall about waist high. “Would you mind if I massaged your shoulders?” I sat down without answering and she began the massage and I was soon in heaven. I knew when I went back to the ocean I would need to jump in to cool down and get rid of some of the scent I was now giving off.

It was some 10 minutes before Marcy came and though she was a bit uncomfortable kissing K-jo in front of me, it was more important to do so than not. After a few minutes, I mentioned it was time for me to go. Instead of replying k-jo took Marcy by the hand inside to a room and out of sight.

I did as I said, first going to the beach and I dove into the ocean to cool down and allowed a few waves to break before me. Several times I tumbled over and felt like I was in an automatic washing machine. I brushed out my hair as I walked down the beach and it began to dry out.

Travis met me as I came down the beach and back to earth with him giving me attention. My cell phone rang and it was Mom telling me that Mr. Gillette was here and wanted to see me. I asked Travis if he liked dams and then asked him to walk me to my cottage. I was pretty sure it would save me for a moment explaining about a boy being a girl.

Mr. Gillette and Pop Pop were standing at the door to greet me and Ruth made all the introductions. Travis asked about dams and Bruce Gillette felt obliged to amuse him for a while. I used the time to take a quick shower and to change back to regular clothes, my wrap-around skirt, and a nice blouse. I went light on the makeup and put my hair up in a ponytail.

Travis had left before I came back out, I suspect Ruth had gotten across that this was a special visit for Pop Pop and Brianna.

“My Brianna, you look quite the young lady and as attractive and personable as Carrie Underwood said you would be. Will, I should not have doubted what Grace had to say about her last grandchild.”

“You met my grandmother, didn’t you? All I know was she was talented in music and raised prize cats and goldfish. I never got to see her or feel being in her arms. I suspect she was beautiful and very smart, but I have not heard.”

“Your Grandpa was ever so justly proud of her; she was like King Midas. She could touch something and it became golden. But it was not magical she was as sharp in mind as she was talented in music. She was as really beautiful as the music she played, and like your Pop Pop she was down to earth.”

“It has been a long time but you have some of her likeness as well as your mother. Take your resemblance to your mother and the other part of your beauty and your music comes from your Grandma Grace.”

“My music and how would you know that,” I asked with a tone, in my voice.

“Your brashness is your own doing or of your intended namesake. Carrie and Jeanette shared a DVD of your concert in Raleigh. You surprised them, wooed the crowd and impressed me, but if it has gone to your head you won’t be going to Washington, D.C.”

I quickly cooled my jets and apologized profusely and went apologizing to Pop Pop. “That is more like his grandchild. You are forgiven. Jeanette said if you lost your cool it would because you were overwhelmed and not because you are rude.” Grandpa had sat down and I was on his lap making my sure my skirt was proper.

“Young Lady, I don’t mean to be rude, but my granddaughter and many others are counting on you. She saw your performance and agrees with Carrie Underwood, you can be a big help in winning over some very important legislation votes."

“I have worked to secure your identity. If anyone would ask if you know me you say yes. If they seek more information you can share your grandfather and I are close friends. If they ask about your work with me you need to say that is confidential and that is all you can say. It should be sufficient to answer how you are related and where you have been and why information on you is quite limited. Say that you are back with your grandfather to get on with your education.”

We went to dinner. “You know I met your Pop Pop while he was at Pratt to be an engineer and when he met Grace. She wooed him, sweeping him off his feet. After graduation, he hurried and took a job to help raise your aunt as she would come along. I went off to work on dams. During my career in Egypt and Korea building some awesome dams there were discoveries made and politically sensitive information passed my way. It has led to my having a close relationship with the Secret Service.

When we got back to the cottage my clothes were packed for a late night ride to Washington, D.C. Mr. Gillette’s driver would drive and Poppa’s car would be driven up in the morning.

I was not prepared to say goodbye to Ruth and my new family. Marcy was caught between elation in her time with K-jo, though she wouldn’t talk about it. And she was despondent that her new little sister was quickly going away. Faith wanted to know if she would be hearing about her little sister on the news. Ruth and I had the hardest time. For Brianna, she really had become my Mom and a special friend.

“My biggest concern Bri is that for only a week you have grown so much as a girl, even your hips and tissue under your breast forms make me think more is going on.”

It wasn’t even a week ago that Lana gave me the birth control pills and watched me as I took the first one. They couldn’t be working this fast, could they? I vowed to myself to stop taking them as soon as possible.

We were soon in Gillette’s car and on our way to Washington, D.C. “Young lady you are very attractive and your Grandfather says you are strong and very capable as well. I hope as Brice you don’t take this wrong, but I want you to stay in character as Brianna and I will remain speaking to you as such. I don’t want to offend your male ego or to jeopardize your future. Brianna can fade away and Brice can come back into being. Is that okay with you?”

Bruce Gillette opened handed me a new purse and wallet with credentials identifying me officially as Brianna Connors. It included a drivers permit for helping on a farm and driving to school. There were two cards in my name one with a thousand dollars and another with five hundred. He presented me with a new iPhone and told me my phone number and email account information.

I had talked to Brenda and three other single mothers and gathered information on their day to day struggles and reasons to be cited for giving them added help to be on their own and to claim a brighter future for their children, themselves and society together.

Tuesday I had been playing Carrie’s music and was encouraged to sing the various songs. I surprised myself with how I was learning a large portion of her songs. I was hoping she was wrong about my being asked to sing with Carrie as part of our presentation to the Senate Committee. But now in the car, I put on headphones and used my iPhone to sing quietly her songs again.

Neither Pop Pop nor Mr. Gillette told me I was singing loud enough for them to hear, nor did they complain. Pop Pop told me in the morning how much he enjoyed listening to me. I guess it was between two and three in the morning when we got into D.C. and settled into a suite of rooms.

Carrie phoned me as I was settling into bed, “Brianna, I want to thank you and I am so proud of you for helping out.” I was getting so used to being Brianna; I was surprised that special people like Carrie were so appreciative of what I was doing. I was the young teenager surprised to receive any of their attention.

I don’t know when we stopped talking or when I fell asleep, but come 6:30 my mind was reminding me it took a girl extra time to get ready. I had slept much too late. By 7:30 I was dressed and worried about my hair when Carrie called and asked if I would be offended if she took me to a beautician to get ready for the day. My voice broke and she realized I was in girl mode and fretting over my hair. She giggled and told me she was in a suite across the hall and I was welcome to come over.

I told my Poppa where I was going and he said I needed to be back by 11:00 and ready for the Senate Committee by 1:00 pm. I hurried across to Carrie’s suite and was surprised how she, Jeanette and others received me. I could tell by the voice, one was Brenda. She was now 19 and her little girl Heather was 2. Heather, like a number of little kids, took a quick liking to me. She climbed on my lap as I visited with her mom and Carrie.

A little bowl of cereal was brought out for Brenda to feed her girl but I asked for the tray table to be brought to me. I enjoyed feeding Heather and I could see Brenda enjoyed the break. I enjoyed Heather like a young girl getting a chance to take care of a baby.

Carrie and I were soon on our way to the beautician. Carrie drew a lot of attention and she knew which beautician she wanted and the one she wanted for me. “Please make sure she has a pedicure and manicure, as well as a facial and her hair done. She is fourteen and please keep her looking as such.”

“Thanks, Carrie, I appreciate that,” I said.

The sand and salt water had been harsh on my feet and nails. Now, I couldn’t believe I was being pampered. Jamie was good as I asked her to explain what she was doing and how to take care of this and that. “Carrie said you had been a tomboy and might ask such questions. You are a naturally beautiful young woman and I am pleased to help you. Here’s my card and though you are not a D.C.er, you are welcome to remain one of my girls.”

It was a great experience and I looked fantastic coming away from the beautician. Carrie was happy because I looked like a regular 14 who just had some pampering. Carrie underscored for me to try to relax, but shared our stop there should help us to keep our composed look.

Grandpa and Mr. Gillette had lunch waiting for us. We had nice ripe tomatoes stuffed with tuna salad. I had a glass of sparkling white grape juice.

Our time at the Senate began with a bit of fanfare and Carrie being the center of attention for over an hour. I was quickly asked, “Why, are you here as opposed to a young woman who got pregnant and was now single mom or who gave up her children, what concern is it of yours?”

“Respectfully sir, each Senate district probably has tens of thousands of such women, but many are afraid of being judged by you and so many via the media. It is my concern because it so easily could be me… A boy or man can and often does walk away from the responsibility. Be it a mistake of judgment, a sin as some would say or the fact that no form of birth control is 100%, including abstinence.”

“Excuse me, young lady,” on Senator broke in, “How is it that abstinence is not foolproof?” The Senator smirked and looked around for affirmation by others.

“Rape, incest and sexual abuse not only do not honor abstinence but gangs and others have been known to target virgins. I don’t expect that all men know of this, but it raises a real fear in a young woman. Girls like me are only human and subject to being victimized or making mistakes. If I would make such a mistake I hopefully would have the courage of women I have talked to or received communications from. I would not seek help as much for myself, but so that my child would not suffer as well.”

“I understand the separation of Church and State, but sometimes I feel like faith and one’s relationship with God is forbidden as well. I respect that others differ from me in faith. I am not offended if they call God by another name: from the Great Spirit to Yahweh, Allah, Buddha, Jesus Christ or many others. I believe the Constitution and many times through U.S. history people have been called to pray. But many single or would be moms feel alone.”

“I grew up in Jersey, and would hear of young women being found dead in New York City and they were girls from smaller communities who felt they did not have support and ran in fear of judgment. Those girls and women can and have been daughters and granddaughters of your constituents or your own families.”

“Being a child of a brave woman who becomes a single parent or a mom who has placed a child up for adoption or decided on abortion. It becomes much more costly to society and the public.”

“I am open to your questions and corrections as I pray you are wiser than me, but I do beg your pardon and consideration on behalf of women and children who need us to stand in the gap and offer some support in programs, not dollars that will offer a better day ahead.”

There were both some good questions and pontificating that followed before I was excused. Upon exiting the Senate Carrie hugged me and asked if there was anything I wanted to do.

“Would it be possible to go over to some of the monuments to sing and pray like some of the movements of the past?” Carrie, Brenda and Lana liked the idea and together said, “Let’s do it.” Jeannette said you would have to use just a regular acoustical guitar.

When we gathered Carrie was the first to sing and play and a small crowd was growing larger. It wasn’t long and some capital police showed up and asked for permits, suggesting we would need to disband. Bruce Gillette and my grandfather stepped forward and said this was a spontaneous gathering and a simple desire to gather as others have throughout history.

Several officials were still insistent until a serviceman and woman said they had just arrived home from serving overseas. “Before you disband or arrest us you might want to check with officials from the Senate as they were invited to speak before the Senate.” Bruce smiled as the officials stepped back to get word as to what they should do.

Pop Pop’s phone rang; he became sad and began to approach me. “It’s okay Grandpa if we need to disband, let them bring official word. It has been an awesome day; I don’t want to cause trouble for Carrie, but…”

Pop Pop took my hand and asked me to sit and I knew it was something else. “Tell me, I’m not a baby, I want to know what is up.” Then I could tell something was wrong. Carrie and others were around us. Pop Pop wanted me alone but I was now afraid. “Pop Pop, what is wrong please tell me?”

“Your mother has had another heart attack.” It had been four years and I was told it wasn’t really a heart attack then. I looked for a suggestion of how she was doing, but Grandpa hugged me and couldn’t speak, but cried. We cried together.

“How is she, do you know? (pause) She hasn’t died has she, I should be with her.” Carrie took me and Mr. Gillette was with Pop Pop...

Story to be continued...

Several officials, two were security from the National Parks and one was with the FBI, were still insistent we leave or be arrested… “Before you disband or arrest us you might want to check with officials from the Senate as they were invited to speak before the Senate.”

Pop Pop’s phone rang; he became sad and began to approach me… Pop Pop took my hand and asks me to sit and I knew it was something else. “Tell me, I’m not a baby, I want to know what’s up.”

“Your mother has had another heart attack.” I looked for a suggestion about how she's doing, but Grandpa hugged me and couldn’t speak, but cried instead. We cried together… “How is sh, do you know? (pause) She hasn’t died has she, I should be with her.” Carrie took me and Mr. Gillette was with Pop Pop.

Pop regained his composure and shared with me that my Mom was alive but in very serious condition. I ask because his expression didn’t change, “Is my mom likely to die?” There's a silence that ruled the atmosphere. “Is there any way I can get to her?”

Bruce Gillette steps forward, “Will, I am making arrangements, hopefully, it will be arranged soon and in motion.” The security people’s attitude for some reason has changed and they're supportive of what was going on.

Carrie came forward and discretely talked with Pop and Bruce. I heard Carrie say she was willing to help me change back to Bryce. I was confused when I heard Bruce say maybe I shouldn’t. I was frustrated, “I just want to get to her.” I didn’t care how I looked; to me, it was secondary to getting to my Mom.

Two other uniformed people showed up, the woman spoke, “The Senate Committee wants you to know: Your presence has made a difference, they are not ready to state the substance of what will be done but it will have substance. They want you to know their prayers are with you” and lastly “Mr. Gillette’s helicopter has been cleared to land here and should be here soon.” The sound of an approaching helicopter was first heard and then seen as it approached and landed close by.

Carrie and Jeanette, along with Brenda and others thanked me for all I did, but now my only concern was for my Mom. Bruce handed Carrie a letter as he took me to the helicopter. The helicopter had six seats for passengers above that needed for its crew of three people. Mr. Gillette asked me if I wanted Carrie to come with us. But I said, “I would like it, but it is not realistic to expect; she's is very important, and I am just one person.”

Mr. Gillette left the helicopter and went over to Carrie, she quickly handed the letter and other things over to Jeanette. They talked a moment and she quickly came to the helicopter and hopped in taking a seat. Mr. Gillette visited with Jeanette, Carrie Underwood’s assistant: he gave her a hug and came back to the helicopter. We were soon in the air as my Pop Pop was on one side of me and Carrie was hugging me from the other.

The hostess said it would be just over an hour before we land at the hospital. She asked what she could do for us and then brought water and nutrition bars. “Brianna, please use these so you keep up your strength for when you see your mother. You will likely have a lot of emotions so I would like to help fix your make-up so the first thing your mother will see is her beautiful daughter.” I looked to Carrie and then to Pop Pop.

My attention was now focused on my Mom and presenting myself to her. I took pride in cleaning my face and making it new. I looked to Bruce Gillette now and then knowing he had the most recent information. He smiled and I would relax. “What is the word you are hearing?”

He looked to my grandpa and then shared she is stable and holding her own; her condition remains serious but they’re telling us she knows you are coming and is resting so she can see you.” I took in a big breath of joy but it was bittersweet. All they were saying was we had time. I knew they could not tell me how much. I was getting nervous and fidgety and soon became afraid I needed to go to the bathroom before the plane landed.

Carrie and the hostess both guessed why my expression was as it were. They talked to me in a separate row of seats. Carrie encouraged me to relax on her shoulder and to listen. She sang to me ever so softly and it wasn’t long and we were being advised to buckle up for the landing. We landed on the roof of a large NYC medical center, not carrying a patient but visitors. I bet that hasn’t happened often.

We caught the elevator to the 15th floor where both the Intensive Care and CCU units were. Mom was in the Cardiovascular Care Unit. Carrie escorted me to the Lady’s room reminding me to go as well as to wash up before seeing my Mom. Pop Pop would wait in the waiting area as my Mom was his daughter-in-law.

I opened the door to the unit after getting permission to come in. A nurse greets me with her warm smile and good disposition, “You’re Mom is eager to see you. We took out the breathing tube and gave her an oxygen mask so she can visit more easily.”

She was in bed 3; dad was by her on the other side, as I poke my head in and entered as a shy and quiet girl. Mom smiled and I am sure my face lit up as well. Our hands warmly greeted one another and I reached over to give her a kiss on the cheek. It was the first time I left a red mark of lipstick. Her voice was muffled by the mask, “You are as pretty as I hoped Brianna.”

“Thanks, Momma, they said you wanted to see your daughter. I was dressed up because we met with the Senate Committee. I don’t understand but they say I did good or is it well.” Mom smiled and I asked, “How are you feeling? I was scared when I heard you were in the hospital.” I wasn’t sure what she knew or didn’t about her condition.

“Yes, I had another heart attack. None of them are good but this was worse than some. I’m okay for now. It is good to see you. Have your brothers seen you already,” she smirked guessing what I was in for?

“No they haven’t seen me but hopefully seeing Carrie Underwood will quiet down their response.” I hadn’t thought about seeing them. I looked up to see my Dad, he was warm, but I saw confusion as he saw me. I kind of naturally moved around the bed and gave him a hug and kiss. The hug was normal for Brice. Dad excused himself, “I would like to visit with Pop and Bruce Gillette and allow you to visit, as mother and daughter, before I get my son back.”

“Dad, would you see if Carrie Underwood can come in for a moment,” I asked?

I pulled up a chair and sat down with my Mom and took hold of her hand. “Very nicely done young lady,” she said. I wasn’t sure what she was talking about so I asked. Mom said, “You sat down like a young woman, Brianna, not plunking yourself down like Brice. What did you think about your dad’s comment about getting back his son?”

“I was planning to change on my way, but Mr. Gillette and Pop Pop said you wanted to see your daughter. Do you want me to change now?”

“Actually, I am not going to be able to visit long and I was hoping you would remain Brianna at least until sometime tomorrow. How has your experience been?”

“I could tell you a couple of things,” it was Carrie speaking from behind at the entrance to Mom’s bed area. “Hi, Mrs. Greimann, I am Carrie Underwood.”

“Call me Alice, please. I am glad to meet you, and I hear she has an excellent role model.”

Carrie smiled, “Well, I’ve taken a few lessons from her as well. She is a good little singer and plays off her audience. And she was exceptional at the Senate in speaking up for single moms. We had just been told she has made a difference when we heard about you. She loves her Mom and as Brianna or Brice has to be someone you are proud of.”

“What do you know about Brice? And what do you think about Brianna, is she for real?”

“Mom, what do you mean is she real? Why would you even ask that” I asked?

“Alice, I don’t want to take time from your daughter, but Brice was the first one I met and who got his grandfather to offer me a ride to North Carolina. He is a charming young man, but it was Brianna’s voice singing as we rode to Raleigh. I did not expect to ever see the girl, but Brice volunteered to help out the Storms, and to his surprise that meant being a junior bridesmaid.”

“He was already invited to sing with me, but Brice could not and Brianna could. You know how well she did. But that wasn’t what you asked; you asked if Brianna is real. Yes, she is real, the Storm girls believe so; she made a believer out of Jeanette and me, and her grandfather sees in her, grandmother Grace.”

Mom looked into space with the last revelation, and then spoke, “You always missed your grandmother didn’t you?”

“I think she and everyone wanted to see a daughter when I was born. You love me, I know that but I wasn’t a daughter,” I said.

Carrie excused herself and went out to the waiting room. Mom said, “She thinks a lot of you Brianna.” I smiled, but the nurse came in saying we needed to wrap things up for now within five minutes. “Mom, do you still want to see Brianna when we visit next?”

She said yes and we visited some more. “If they would let you sleep with me tonight would you, Brianna?” With the name Brianna, I knew we both wanted the same thing a chance for me to be with her as a daughter.

It was late afternoon when I got to the waiting room. I discovered then I was to remain niece Brianna as long as I was so dressed. My Pop Pop and Dad told me about my uncle possibly having a daughter. The hospital had kept it unknown that Carrie and I were there. Since NYC is not a major country music area, she might not be readily recognized.

We did enjoy the evening news and the little they said about a Senate Committee hearing, a gathering on the Washington Mall area, and the helicopter flying in. Our friends and others there did a good job of not sharing my name or where we went. The compassion of Carrie Underwood did not go unnoticed. I gave Carrie a big hug and thanks.

Pop and my Dad explained to my brothers what was going on, but it didn’t fully prepare them for seeing me as a girl. “Wow, broth… sis,” one brother recognized my resemblance to my Mom when he was little. “I am sorry but I have trouble with you looking like that.”

“Well, that is tough until Mom says I can change out of my girl clothes.”

Carrie nudged me to say, “Speaking of girl clothes we need to do a little shopping so we have something to change into.” My brothers were a bit disgusted to hear that. I saw a bit of a problem growing. The next time into the Coronary Care Unit, it would be my brothers and dad’s turn. So Carrie and I were to be excused to get some clothes. Bruce Gillette said he had rooms for us for the night.

A nurse had come out to let me know I was going to be allowed, “Against the rules to sleep with your mom for a few hours. Then when we need to take care of her you will be gone for the rest of the night.” I thanked them and agreed to their terms. Carrie told me, she and I were to share a small suite.

We went out and found a store and got two outfits each as well as nightgowns. Mr. Gillette had given me money, but Carrie paid for everything. When we bought the needed toiletries I had already gotten the cashier to agree I could pay for them. Carrie and I sat down for a meal at a small neighborhood restaurant. One of the daughters of the owner had recognized Carrie but didn’t say anything until we were ready to leave.

Carrie gave her a photo that she autographed and allowed a picture to be taken of her with the girl and her family. They would not display it for a few days for our sake. That agreement would go out the window when we returned the next day. Carrie said she did not have a concert until Sunday so she would stay another day or two as long as I was Brianna.

We got back to the hospital shortly after 7:00 p.m. and my brothers had been in to see Mom. She was doing well for the long day it had been. Previously, when she was in the hospital in a serious condition we were too young to go in and see her. I felt bad she was sick but at least now I could return some of the love she showed me. My Dad said my brothers did well with the exception of the times they saw me.

They didn’t think it was funny or nice when I offered to do their nails or make-up. But one girl possibly a year older perked up when I mentioned the idea. So I asked if she wouldn’t mind if I did her nails or makeup. She looked at her dad to make sure he would not get angry. I had a plum red nail polish that would look nice with a new stick of lipstick the same color. Carrie shaped her nails and I painted them.

We both could tell it was a real treat for her. Carrie had begun to brush out her hair as I painted her nails. Her dad spoke up, “Thanks, she doesn’t get much help with her mom usually sick.” I felt bad as I had girl experiences of dressing up and girlfriends that helped me learn unlike her.

Carrie asked her if she liked music and would ever like to go to a concert. The girl’s face lit up as she recognized Carrie. “You are one of my favorites and I liked that movie you were in with the surfer girl who lost her arm.” Even her dad remembered that movie and liked it.

One of my brothers thought he was a tough rocker, said, “That was a girl movie; even the girl who lost her arm was sweet and pretty.”

The girl’s dad said, “I hope you never have to be so tough. Between that movie and my wife I don’t look at girl stuff as being so easy.” My Dad was upset with my brother; my brother knew he was wrong but he's not good at apologizing and looking weak. He and my other brother went for a walk.

Just before 8:00 when visitors were asked to leave, my Dad and Pop Pop went to see my Mom before they left. I went to change in the restroom and discovered that Carrie had thought to get me a robe as well. I took off my makeup, cleansed, and moisturized my skin. When I went in to see Mom in the CCU Dad wasn’t all that comfortable with how much of a girl I was. Pop Pop said, “Doesn’t she look really nice son?” Dad said yes and meant it, but I knew it did not come easy for him.

The nurses let the side railing down for me to scoot into the bed next to Mom she was tired but my being next to her perked her up. One of the nurses said, “You are good medicine for your mother.” Mom spoke up and agreed, and then I saw the pleased look on my dad’s face.

Pop reminded my parents of the time I visited my great grandmother who was alive but ill; it was when I was a little tot. “Remember lifting him up and placing him in bed with great-grandma Gussie?” I remembered it too but I hadn’t ever remembered who the woman was. Neat, I had been in bed and the arms of my great-grandmother.

My Dad and others left as visiting hours were over. My Dad planned to spend the night but didn’t want my Mom to know. He gave mom and me each a goodnight kiss, my kiss was for his daughter as well. Mom and I visited most of the next hour until the nurse said we needed to rest and be quiet.

We fell asleep around 9:00 and it was midnight when a new crew of nurses checked on Mom that I left and changed. My brothers had gone to the hotel with Pop Pop instead of going home and my Dad would sleep in the waiting room. I changed and got a taxi to the hotel just on the edge of Central Park. Carrie had stayed up to greet me. She was talking to Jeannette who was now on Rocky Mountain time.

Carrie and I visited with her asking many questions as she wanted to know my mom. She complimented my family but we talked openly about the hard time they were having with me as a girl. “If I stay as my Mom’s daughter, it will be hard going back to being a boy again.” Carrie hugged me as she understood and agreed.

“Do you think you could live as Brianna if allowed to,” she asked? I thought it was a strange question; as I was too close to see the transformation taking place in me. Carrie waited for me to respond and so I thought about it.

If my mother died, I thought that would end the thought, and if she lived my brothers and probably my Dad would find it hard to live with me being a girl. “What would you think about living with the Storms for a while,” she asked?

“Do you know something that people aren’t talking to me about?” I knew people had a habit of talking about me without talking to me. It was the downside to being the youngest. “I would have stayed longer with the Storms if I could have,” I said.

I wondered if anyone had called them to say Pop and I were safe or tell them what has happened to my mother. Carrie and I both changed for bed. Carrie took a little solace in seeing me tucked in. I truly felt like I was becoming a shy girl as it moved me to be with Carrie, and getting the attention I was.

Carrie whispered as she left my room, “I was very proud of you this morning before that Senate Committee and even prouder of the daughter who was there for her Mom.” I was glad there was an extra pillow as I needed something to hug and hold onto. I was weeping but fell asleep in a matter of minutes.

I woke bright and early, thinking quickly of my mother and called the hospital with the number given me. Mom was stable but resting, they gave my call to my father and I visited as Brianna. I had not noticed that until I was hanging up and Carrie was there. “It is okay,” she said, “your father knows now who you are is a good and real person. Your mother wants to know you right now, to do that your father needs to know you. He’s your father and your grandpa’s son; he can handle it.”

Pop Pop called in a short bit; we’re to meet him and Mr. Gillette in the hotel restaurant. But Pop Pop first wanted to talk to me on the phone.

“Grandpa, could you come in with me sometime today when I see my mom?” I told him, “Pop Pop, I called the hospital this morning to ask about my Mom and they gave me to dad but it was me Brianna who visited with him. He didn’t say anything, but I am sure he was disappointed.”

“How could your dad be disappointed you called there as Brianna? Do you think your older brothers thought enough to call,” Pop asked? “Don’t read in anything that you don’t know is there. Your brothers are already eating breakfast, don’t you worry about them either, just be there for one another and your Mom.”

“I know and he knows you love your father, but the most precious person to you is greatly ill. Be there for your Mom, he will love you for that. She wants her daughter but understands you as his daughter looks like his mother whom he still misses. The fact that you resemble your Mom whom he’s scared of losing that adds to the emotions of the moment.” That was helpful to hear.

Down at breakfast, I realized the fame of the hotel we were staying at as a number of people I recognized to be really important. A number of people recognized Carrie and either came over to say hello or sent written greetings via the waiter. It was after 9:00 when we got to the hospital. My brothers and I were to visit my mother next and Dad went with his dad and Mr. Gillette for his breakfast.

I waited at the CCU door for a nurse to go in or come out. I asked permission to sit with my Mom and be quiet. She was awake as the nurses and doctors did this and that. They were nice and warm but said little had changed save one difficult time this morning which told them she was not yet safe. Mom and I held hands and smiled and shared small talk. She was glad to see my hair was not in my eyes and my mannerisms matched my “beautiful appearance”.

“Mom do you really think I am pretty or is that just because I’m your daughter,” I asked? Her smile spoke first and the pride of a mother was indeed there.

“Like was said, I see some of the younger women, that I use to see in the mirror and I see the beauty of your Grandma Grace as well,” her gay voice said. “The handsome Bryce will take some time and effort to show.” I paused with worry and my mother knew it. “Yes, as it has taken an effort to bring out Brianna, so it will take time and work for Brice to be readily seen. You can take off the make-up and redo your hair to a boy’s cut, but your skin will still be soft and your complexion, hair, and ears will not immediately change.”

“But Mom, Dad, and my brothers want me to change now,” I said seeking her direction.

Mom smirked, “It won’t be the first time your brothers or dad did not immediately get their way with you. The way you are is what I would like right now and I appreciate it. Tell me what do you like about being a girl?”

“Well, I liked dressing up; you should have seen the bridesmaid gown. The attention the Storms, my sisters, and Carrie and Jeanette have given me. Brianna can even sing and people enjoy it. I wish I could share that with you.” Mom smirked again and she knew something I didn’t, moms have that look. “I went to a salon and that was really neat. Just meeting Carrie was awesome but to do it as a girl that I see as a nice change.”

“Well you know, I told your grandpa to bring that gown because I wanted to see you in it. Mr. Gillette says it should be here today. I hope you will model it for me and maybe even sing to me. You said something about looking up to Carrie and not feeling bad was there someone you felt bad about doing that with?”

It felt awkward and I was afraid about how much to share or trust with my mom. I didn’t want to stress her more but neither did I want to lie. I gulped, “I liked the women figure skaters growing up; they’re so graceful and it is hard work despite their being beautiful. Then there is you, its okay for a boy to look up to his mom for just being his mom, but to say, I want to be like you is not what other boys want to hear.”

Mom smiles and pulled me in for a hug. One of Mom’s alarms went off and it brought the nurses quickly. They wanted me to go out to the waiting room, but Mom held my hand and said, “She needs to stay a moment. She can’t leave afraid.”

Mom’s machines were reset and any problem had passed. I gave her a kiss and went out to the waiting room feeling better. I plopped down next to the brother I was closest too and wrapped an arm around him. There was a pause but he took my hand and I knew my big brother was there for me.

“Hey, Bri is it? Know that we’re there for Mom, so it’s okay for you to be a girly boy another day or two,” Rob said. To me, that was a backhanded compliment but he didn’t know that. It told me however he would have trouble accepting me as a sister. I wasn’t planning on staying a girl but I was to sing for Carrie when she came to the PNC (Garden State) Arts Center in late summer.

Bruce Gillette received a call stating Pop’s car and my gown had arrived. He asked Carrie, “Would you mind going to the Hotel with Brianna and help her into the gown and to do her make-up right?”

“I haven’t gotten to see her in the gown, it should be a lot of fun,” Carrie said taking hold of my hand and tugging me. I was excited but I did not want to look so in front of my brothers. “I will give you an Academy Award Nomination for not looking excited.” I giggled as we were going down the elevator and I gave Carrie a big hug. Carrie told a woman in the elevator, “She’s going to change into a bridesmaid gown to show her mother.”

The woman asked for a description of the gown and Carrie was surprised by how I was able to describe it. I had remembered Marcy describing it over the phone to a friend. I described the satin and lace, the angle cut of the hemline, the colors including my shoes and even my flowers. Carrie laughed, “She won’t have the flowers with her this time.”

The woman asked, “Is this the first time her mother has seen her dressed as a bridesmaid?” When we said yes, she reached into her purse and gave Carrie $25. “Make sure she has some nice flowers in her hand, her mother deserves the whole thing.” I was tearing as I thanked her. “You made my day young lady, it is well worth it. I’m a mother I know”

“Brianna your make-up,” Carrie said as she handed me some tissues. I blotted my eyes and Carrie called me a raccoon, and then assisted me in cleaning up my face. “I have some mascara we will use when you get dressed.”

We were back to the hotel and the people at the desk had my gown and clothes and they rang for a bellhop to help take it up to our suite. Carrie told them what we were going to do. The desk manager said she would be happy to send a person to help me if we wanted. Carrie asked, “Do you have a beautician who could help her with her hair and make-up?”

“We have a very good young lady, but it is extra.”

“You offered so we are willing to pay what you think is reasonable.”

We were soon up to the room and Carrie gave the bellhop a nice tip. I got the gown and took it out of its plastic casing. While it is a nice gown, I knew by Carrie’s experience, it was nothing special. But she was excited for my sake as well as my mother’s. I did not know where the strapless bra was and we had to look. There was a knock at the door and the beautician came in. I was afraid that without the bra it would be too easy for her to know I was really a boy.

I was about to speak up and share when Carrie found my bra. I sighed in relief and then headed off to the shower. My breast forms were appropriate for my age so it wasn’t surprising that I could feel underneath them as I washed that area taking my shower.

Today during my shower the feeling had grown and brought sensual feelings I had not previously experienced. The feelings were very good for a young woman but not a boy hoping to go back to being a boy. The thought of going back to being a boy was pale in comparison to what I was a teenager was experiencing. If I was worried that my male parts wouldn’t function because of my feminine mindset, I needed not to worry. But I did need to work harder to clean myself off.

I showered well and used some powder as an added help. I was in my bra and panties as Carrie helped me into my gown. Like before as the gown descended over my body I was bathed in joy and femininity. It felt so good being a girl. The gown was in place, zipped and hooked as I spun around, enjoying being dressed up once again. The beautician used some towels over my gown as she brushed out my hair and did my make-up.

I felt like one of those Precious Moments figurines with my makeup done lightly and glowing with perfection. My hair cascaded down upon my shoulders. I was lucky to have the beautician as my hair had grown just enough to make working with the extensions a bit tricky though that much more eloquent. Gathering some accessories including jewelry and a small purse I was near ready to go. My heels had a scuff or two but I felt they were manageable.

Fortunately for me, Tess the beautician did not and called the desk for someone to help us. I was impatient so when I got to the lobby I was taken aside as someone took the marks off the shoes. I giggled as I was getting into a taxi and people were taking pictures of me with Carrie Underwood being there but going unnoticed.

We found two small bouquets of flowers that we bought before going up to see my Mom. We first walked into the waiting room and my family was both greatly impressed and unsettled with how good I looked. Rob watched what he said as there were plenty of other people there. Pop Pop came up and hugged me and complimented me, “You look even more exquisite today than you did at the wedding.” He asked how we did that and Carrie told about the beautician.

Dad had called back to the CCU and found it was okay to go back to see Mom a bit early. Carrie and another woman in the waiting area helped in combining the two bouquets together and gave me pointers in holding them. Just before we entered the CCU unit a woman asked me to turn around. It was the woman who paid for the flowers wanting to take a picture.

She smiled and wished me well as I went into the unit. Mom was sitting up in bed as I entered. My heart melted to see the glow of her face. A few nurses looked in and were delighted to see my Mom so happy. The nurses asked me to go by my Mom for another picture, more than a few were taken.

“Well, young lady, can I hear if you sound as beautiful as you look.” Carrie came back to the unit with a person carrying a guitar, he was said to be a music therapist.

I knew as we came from the hotel Carrie had an outfit in her hand but was surprised that she was already changed and looking extra nice as she came through the door. We sang one of Carrie’s songs as well as a song of faith. I asked my Mom to sing the second song with us. She made it through the second verse and listened to the rest.

Mom pointed out a loop on the gown that allowed me to hold it up and out. She asked the music therapist to play a soft dance tune and I danced for a short time with my dad. I felt like a young princess dancing with the king. Even my Dad was happy as we danced. Pop Pop cut in just before the guitarist was going to stop. He played through part of the tune one more time.

The men excused themselves as Carrie and I sat for a short visit. Mom was delighted to visit with her daughter and introduce me to anyone and everyone who entered her area. I stayed dressed up the remainder of the day. Carrie was asked to sing to the children in the pediatric units and she asked me to go with her to sing some as well.

Once again the children stole my heart and I enjoyed giving them attention. As I was singing, I saw a boy singing along though it was most definitely a girl’s song. I sat next to him as we sang together. He did very well and it tickled my heart until another boy made fun of him. I knew I had to be sensitive to both boys, but did not want it to pass without a comment.

I looked at the offending boy and he knew what he had done. Without any arm-twisting, he said, “Gilbert, I apologize and not only did you sing well but you show more courage than most of us.” Gilbert smiled and simply said, “Thank you.”

When we got back to the waiting area, they and my Mom knew where we had been. “We hear you can sing now as well as be a pretty girl.”

A woman in the waiting area asked, “And what type of compliment is that?”

He scrambled to cover himself. “She’s the same age as my younger brother and he could never sing and I thought they were both alike. Not only is she now pretty but they say she can sing,” my brother said in response.

“Sounds like she’s lucky that she is your cousin because you are kind of down on your younger brother,” she responded. My brother and I both paused at what she said. Carrie said we would be happy to sing one more time but we needed to catch our breath. The people in the waiting area became like extended family as time passed and we heard the stories of those they were there for. I found myself snuggled up next to my Pop Pop, looking through old copies of People and Seventeen. My interest in Seventeen was not lost on my brothers or Pop Pop, but Pop Pop was more content with my interest.

It dawned on me that my brother called me his cousin, an idea Pop Pop or Mr. Gillette had first shared. I looked around and Mr. Gillette was gone. I asked where and Pop Pop said he had business in NYC. He’s going back to Washington, D.C. tomorrow. “I need to remember to thank him for his help.” I continued, “Pop Pop why did Mr. Gillette comment about you flying in the helicopter?”

“I had never flown before. Mr. Gillette is one of my old friends and he had wanted me to go with him to Egypt or Korea where he helped build dams, but I never went because I don’t ever fly,” Pop said with a smile. “I still don’t. And if you tease me, I won’t be your Pop Pop.” I smiled and gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I made no promises.

I had been back to visit with Mom and the nurses told me she hadn’t eaten her lunch. I joked, “Get me a tuna fish sandwich, some yogurt and fruit and I will get her to eat.” They came back a short time later with the tuna salad sandwich, two yogurts and a small bowl of strawberries, blueberries and a banana. I asked for and received another small bowl.

I cut up the fruit into the two bowls and mixed yogurt into both. Ma smiled as she ate half of the sandwich and yogurt and fruit and I ate the other half. A nurse came in surprised to see Mom eating. I said, “She doesn’t like eating alone, you should have my Dad eat with her.” The nurse said that patients usually didn’t like to eat in front of visitors. “Neither does she but I didn’t ask and I ate with her.” My Mom smiled and remarked on my wisdom; “You have taught me many things,” I commented in response.

Mom and I talked more, especially as mother and daughter. After the nurses told me visiting time was past, I asked if I should be changing back to Brice. She called for the nurse and asked if we could have more time. Then she asked me to be seated again.

“I talked to Mrs. Storm because I am not sure this is a good time for Brice to be back. If something should happen or if I am convalescing, it takes time and energy. It would be awkward for Brice to be changing. It would be easier for me and our family if Brianna stayed. You might want to change out of your gown, but it is helpful just now to have Brianna around.”

I was not sure why she mentioned Ruth Storm and so I asked, “Why would we need the Storms to know?”

“If someone were to ask where you live right now it would be good to know where you could go. If this drags out,” Mom said. “It might even be good for you to go to the Storms for the summer.”

“Are you saying you want me to be a girl,” I asked?

“Brianna, you appear to be a girl in more than appearance. You seem to be happy again and I haven’t seen you like this for a long time. Dad and I know you have been into my stuff. All I am asking right now is for you to remain Brianna so you and I continue to talk.”

I went back to the waiting room when the visit was over and wanted to take a walk with Carrie, but everyone wanted to go and eat. Dad planned to take my brothers home tonight and he wanted Pop and me to stay at the hotel for the time being. Mr. Gillette and Carrie planned to stay tonight but leave tomorrow.

I knew, for now, I was staying as Brianna. When I finally got to go back to the hotel to change Carrie went with me. “Your Mom and Dad wanted me to give this to you,” Carrie said. “Your sister Marcy will be coming tomorrow to stay with you for a while.”

To be continued…

 

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Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. The model(s) in this image is in / and are no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

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Previously… “Brianna, you appear to be a girl in more than appearance. You seem to be happy again and I haven’t seen you like this for a long time. Dad and I know you have been into my stuff. All I am asking right now is for you to remain Brianna so you and I can continue to talk.”

I went back to the waiting room when the visit was over and I wanted to take a walk with Carrie, but everyone wanted to go and eat. Dad planned to take my brothers home tonight and he wanted Pop Pop and me to stay at the hotel for the time being. Mr. Gillette and Carrie planned to stay tonight but leave tomorrow.

I knew, for now, I was staying as Brianna. When I finally got to go back to the hotel to change Carrie went with me. “Your Mom and Dad wanted me to give this to you,” Carrie said. “Your sister Marcy will be coming tomorrow to stay with you for a while.”
 
 
And Now…
 
 
The Unexpected
 
Carrie and I went early to the hospital as Carrie wanted to say goodbye to my parents. Mom had a good and uneventful night in the Intensive Coronary Care Unit and would be moving to a regular floor later in the morning. She was happy to see Carrie and quickly asks, “Did she take her the pills this morning and one before she went to bed.”

Carrie smiles, “Yes Alice, your daughter was a good girl and took her pills and will do so until a decision is made.” I felt awkward as they were stronger than normal birth control pills. Once again, others knew more than me.

Mom asked me to step away from the bed as she did not get a good look at how I was dressed when I came into the room. I wore a pink denim skirt that was a few inches above the knees. I had on a white cotton linen peasant blouse with embroidered flowers. I didn’t feel cold but I wasn’t used to feeling air under my skirt and blouse. It was designed to be a bit short.

Mom and Carrie enjoyed me being frustrated with its length. “She is lucky she looks her age or I think the interns might put a move on her,” Carrie said and my mom laughed.

Dad spoke up, “There is a teenage guy in the waiting area, who is more than willing to ask her for a date. He asked me if it was okay if you two went together for lunch.”

“I hope you said no!”

“I only told him he would have to wait until dinner, as you are taking someone to the airport. I did tell him your sister would be here by then and she would need to approve.” Mom thought it was funny and I knew Dad wanted me to feel uncomfortable and I did.

Carrie had two signed photographs one for Mom and one for the staff. It was about 8:30 when we left Mom. Carrie went to the waiting room. I thought to say goodbye to Pop Pop or others there. But Pop was not there and she left without a word. On our way down the elevator she asked me, “Do you think that guy is as hot as I do?”

“Carrie, I can’t believe you would ask that.” But she waited and stared at me until I responded.

“Okay, he’s nice looking, are you happy now?”

“Was that your impression as a boy or a girl? Marcy told me you met a nice guy named Jeff at the beach.” Carrie had talked to Marcy? I couldn’t believe they would talk about things like that. Carrie gave me a number to call if the opportunity allowed, for Marcy and me to go to a Broadway play.

Pop Pop and Mr. Gillette were waiting down at the main entrance of the hospital, as we're going to the airport together. It was arranged that Carrie and Bruce would go out of the same airport; and shortly after that Marcy would be flying into that airport.

I spent the time going to the airport, to thank Mr. Gillette for all the help he had given us. He was just a bit younger than Pop Pop, and he had a lot of respect for my grandfather. Mr. Gillette told me I should be very proud of him. I was, but it was nice to hear it from an important person. Carrie had told me similar things and she knew that I strongly admired and loved my Pop Pop.

We were almost to the airport when Mr. Gillette thanked Carrie, “All you do as a singer to help others speaks volumes about you as a person. Later on, when you evaluate what your career means, what you do for others will mean more. I have made some giant dams, but they don’t mean as much as a granddaughter asking for help.”

Carried said, “You are a big man Mr. Gillette. I am thankful that we were on the same side and you are such a good friend to Brianna’s Grandfather. Being there for him and Brianna means a lot to me. I don’t often get to see important men take the time to be a real friend for those important to them other than writing a check.”

Both of them turned to me, Mr. Gillette spoke first, “You get to see a lot of the man I admire in your grandfather. I am glad God blessed our paths to cross. Brianna, boy or girl you are the same grandchild to your Pop Pop and to your Grandmother Grace. She too would be very proud of you.”

We were now at the airport getting their luggage. Mr. Gillette paid the limo driver and gave a man at the curb a $50 bill and piece of paper. “Please make sure the luggage gets to the proper airplanes and that we are checked in properly.” Carrie's comfortable with the arrangement.

He said, “We need to go separate ways, I asked Bill to go with you and Carrie. I will communicate back about the action of the Senate and I hope you are invited by the President when he signs the Bill into Law.”

Carrie looked to me, “Wouldn’t that be a great honor?” But I wasn’t in the mood to hear about such things. Carrie and Mr. Gillette were as important as I needed. They have warm hearts and that is what I need right now.

It was hard to say good-bye and leave Bruce Gillette; my tears were already there. What would happen when I said goodbye to Carrie? Well it came soon enough and I knew Carrie was a busy person and I was fortunate to have so much of her time.

“Carrie, you have been so good to me, but it's never easy to say goodbye to you. I am glad I can pop one of your CDs into a player and sing along.” I gave her a hug. “I thought you were going to tell me something about the pills.”

“Brianna, your emotions tell me that you have been taking them already. They're working and I agreed with your Mom this is no time for a girl to have a mood swing. So yes, I think it is good for you to be taking them and if you get to be Bri a bit longer maybe you should consider that you are Brianna.”

“Brianna, let Marcy be a big sister for you. I know you already see her as such. Your mother is so happy to see you and you need to know you are greatly loved by many.” I'm crying as Carrie took time to sit with Pop Pop and me. She gave me a hug and went to get me a glass of water. I knew in a few minutes she wasn’t coming back. She wanted to leave me while I was regaining my composure.

Pop Pop and I went to a Café near the concourse that Marcy was to come. We ordered something to drink. I got a cup of tea and Pop Pop got coffee as well as a sweet roll for me. Without a thought, I said, “Poppa, you can’t go ordering sweets for me; I need to watch my weight.” He looked up and laughed.

“Whether you are Grandpa’s grandson or granddaughter, I am still programmed to spoil you a little. So if Brianna needs to watch what she eats, please be tolerant of your Grandpa.” He was only half joking at that point.

Grandpa had lived with us for a few years and he was then the one who would take time for with me. “So Brianna, are you still open to imagine stories with me,” Poppa wondered?

“I thought about that when we were at the Storms and again the last few nights,” I said. “Last night I even went out to our living area hoping you would come over so we could share. I was afraid because my characters might have changed.”

“Did you think if your story had a heroine that I would be upset?” He continued, “If you remember most of your stories often did have a heroine.”

"Yes, I had thought of that and wondered why? I don’t know why but it was important in those stories that I had a friend who was a girl.”

Poppa said “Think and answer for yourself, there was you, me, the girl and some good animals. What did she do that we usually didn’t? And what did we call the stories?”

The last question was easy, “We called them ‘Animal stories’.” I thought some more and then it came to me, “She cried and said she was afraid when the bad enemy was way too great.” But I wasn’t comfortable with that, “But she was also brave, and she never gave up and she was crucial to our winning,” I exclaimed!

“Yes, she truly was a heroine, but she cried and said she was afraid because neither you nor I would say that. We were afraid that we would lose control if we did that, but she didn’t.” He went on, “I still missed your Grandma and I was never sure that you ever missed her.”

Pop and I got more to drink and waited for Marcy. Her plane arrived pretty much on schedule, we just had to wait and hope we didn’t miss each other in the crowd. I text her the name and location of the cafe we were waiting at.

I finally spotted Marcy and called out to her; just as quickly I spotted her mother Ruth. I was quickly worried as well as happy to see her. “Ma Storm, I am surprised to see you; why didn’t anyone say anything?”

Marcy gave me a hug and Ruth greeted my Grandpa. We went to collect their luggage. Ruth told me, “Brianna, I didn’t think it was right to send Marcy alone. She can take care of herself alright, but I’m the one who knew you and Will. I wanted to meet your mother as well.” She paused, “With you still being Brianna and your Mom being ill I thought there should be a woman here with you.”

Pop Pop and I both thank her as we called the number Mr. Gillette had given us. It was but a few minutes and the limo and driver were back to pick us up. The driver took us back to the hotel. Then he gave us an hour before he would take us to the hospital. They gave us Pop Pop’s suite with an additional third bedroom.

Marcy moves into the room where my stuff and my clothes were already hung or into the drawers. Marcy looked through my clothes and knew which outfits were new. She had an outfit of her own out to change into. Marcy spoke, “Bri, I need to take a shower before I dress; why don’t you change and we’ll be ready to go to the hospital. So how’s your Mom doing? Uncle Will said it was her desire for you to stay as Bri for now.”

Marcy went into the bathroom but kept the door ajar so we could visit. I changed my panties and then back into my pink denim skirt, but put on a camisole and an open blouse this time. It was a bit daring for me but I knew it was a modest look for most teenagers.

Marcy is drying as I did my make-up. “Sis, I’m sorry about your Mom but I am happy to see you again. You continue to be a girl,” she said with a smirk. She had on some panties and her bra before I turned around to visit.

I was trying to brush out my hair but it wasn’t co-operating so Marcy took over. “I guess I still need my bigger sisters.” She had on a sundress and I found myself wanting to be as pretty. Marcy perceived my thoughts and said, “Well you haven’t given yourself enough time to blossom yet. Your hips need to wider and your breasts need to blossom,” she said with a smile.

I'm ready to go when Marcy approached me with some earrings. It hurt for them to go in as I hadn’t been wearing mine. “You are lucky I came when I did. Didn’t Carrie want you to give her competition?” Marcy knew better but she was teasing me.

“I wore some when I showed my Mom the bridesmaid’s gown, but I thought it would be better for my brothers and me if they grew back shut,” that was my excuse. I was regularly wearing a two-inch heel, and Marcy and her mom both complimented my walking and feminine gestures. I had mixed feelings about saying thanks.

When we got to the hospital we were given her new room number on the ninth floor. Mom had been settled into her new room for about an hour. She was doing fairly well, but tired from the move. She was happy to see Pop Pop and us three women. She had spoken to Ruth on the phone and seen pictures but had never met her. They were both happy to meet the other.

They visited as much about me as anything and came to agree that Ruth had the neater of the two: son vs. daughter. “She would probably become tired or more relaxed in how she cares for herself, but I must say she is a pretty good daughter. We came to love her and she was very important to the wedding being so nice.”

“I brought some pictures if you would like to see them; there are quite a few of your daughter. I even have a couple from when she sang with Carrie Underwood in Concert,” Ruth said.

Marcy takes me to change into the Bridesmaid’s dress. Two nurses show where we can change in their locker room. One nurse helps Marcy with my hair and makeup. It was fun showing my Mom and seeing her smile. I even have my picture taken with her. Copies are sent to Amanda and Carrie. What I did not appreciate was being taken to the waiting room to model the gown there.

I changed back before I went to see Mom again.

My mom asked, “Could the two girls go and us two moms visit as we look through the pictures?” So we were excused and went to the waiting room. Where the teenage boy took an interest in me and my brother Rob, took interest in Marcy. We were going down to the cafeteria since we had missed lunch.

Michael the teenager and my brother both suggested they should go down with us “to make sure we were safe since we were in New York City.” Marcy spoke of some girl things hoping they would be dissuaded, but my brother thought she was bluffing and Michael seemingly was not listening. It was the four of us who went.

Pop Pop tried to give us some money, and Michael said he would be happy to pay for my lunch. I suggested Rob take care of Marcy’s. Rob took the money from our Pop Pop and it was settled. Michael had a hard time understanding Rob’s interest in Marcy; if Rob and I were cousins and Marcy was my sister. Rob explained I’d been adopted by the Storms and Marcy’s not really related to him.

The interesting thing was, it ended up being me being the one who helps Michael. He had come back to the hospital in part to see me. He was only now finding the importance of his grandfather who was very ill. He realized he had been insensitive to his mother and was possibly losing his grandfather. When he almost cried, I asked, “Are you too strong of a man that you cannot cry for either of them?”

It was he, who broke and I who shared some tissues. What I didn’t expect was that I would come to care for him. Marcy excused us and took me to the women’s room. “Brianna, take care because if you extend your heart any more. It's okay if you are sincere and be there for him.” I knew she was right and I agreed. I planned to stay at arm’s length, but I did not.

He breaks into tears and cries on my shoulder. It was nice that he gave his mother and grandfather attention, the rest of the afternoon, but his mom and he would go to dinner with us that night to the nearby restaurant. Dad would get the next opportunity to visit with Mom. Ruth shared the wedding pictures and pictures of me singing with Carrie Underwood.

I enjoyed seeing the pictures as many in the waiting room finally realized it was Carrie who had been with us. I was not happy that my pictures as a girl were being shared with everyone in the large waiting room. Many women and girls commented on how I looked. They asked about the gown, make-up and singing with Carrie. I enjoyed visiting with them but I like some of the girls and wished I could talk to them. It was both Brianna and Brice who liked them.

I go for a walk with Marcy and I asked about my attraction to girls. “Brianna, do you remember K-jo from the beach you and I were both smitten with her. While I am not sure why you were; I don’t think it is that unusual for one woman to find another attractive and themselves more deeply attracted to them. It is not much more different than some girls who find everything in pants to be hot. She needs a bit of growing up.”

“I don’t mean to be cruel, but you have only been a girl for a while and are not always sure if it is the guy or gal in you talking. You are in a tough spot being son and daughter in your family. We saw Brice but Brianna is the only one we’ve really come to know.” We made it down to the end of a hallway and then Marcy gave me a big hug. “Please, let you just be who you are. I know you felt for Michael that is okay, just don’t agree to marry him. You are not of age,” she laughs.

I asked Marcy about my thoughts of me being kept in the dark, “What are they not telling me and why is your mother here?” I wished I could read faces better, I wasn’t sure if Marcy was being honest or not.

“Sprout, I’ve learned long ago not to try to read anything extra into what my mom says. You should trust her for what she says. You know she loves you and that I do too.”

“I am not sure that they don’t think I should remain a girl. Pop Pop said something about me being with you for the summer,” I don’t know what to think.

“Do they get the impression from you that you want to be a girl? I haven’t thought about it but if Brianna was to get a new start, which would be easier with us or with your family.” Marcy made small talk about how those at our home only know Brice. We even talked about sleeping arrangements, bedrooms and how it wouldn't be that much more women clothing in the wash at her house. “I’d hate to think of them loading all the girl chores on you whether or not you are Brice or Bri at your house.”

We were back to the waiting area and then I got to visit Mom before we went to dinner. We could see her more often on that floor but they still limited us to two at a time and required we give her chances to rest.

Mom spoke first, “I like your earrings, why didn’t you continue to wear them; you look prettier with them on.” Mom had me sit next to her on the bed and we enjoyed some of the pictures Ruth brought. It was honest pride Mom had in her daughter. I enjoyed reliving the pictures with her. I found I was relaxed and honest that I enjoyed myself as a girl.

I asked Mom, “Did you and Pop Pop have an understanding when we went to North Carolina?”

“Not in the way you think. I was surprised when he called back to me about you picking up Carrie and singing with her like a girl with no speech problems and sounding so much like a girl.” She explained, “Ruth and Pop Pop first agreed to your dressing as a bridesmaid believing it would be too much. Pop Pop thought that thinking you were too shy to go through with it. Your grandpa called me first and I agreed to it because I believe as they did.”

“It was the next day that they had an inkling that something else was up. When they called me, I told them about you getting into my clothes. When you asked your grandpa about Grandma Grace; we thought we needed to let you go through with it.”

“Ma Ruth is not here at my request, but out of sincere concern that there would be an adult woman with you. If you’re honest, you know there might be things Brianna wouldn’t share with her father but might need to share with someone.”

My two brothers heard part of our discussion as they had come into the room while we were talking. “Mom, we don’t understand; what are you saying, Brice is our brother. This is just like a Halloween costume. I thought dad said it was just clothing.”

Dan became more forceful, “Brice, we think it is time you get over this performance and change back to your clothes.” Dan’s voice was now rising in volume! Rob got him to be quiet just before a nurse entered the room.

“Whoever is the one is causing trouble and raising their voice needs to leave,” the nurse said straightforward.

Dan owns up to his part, “It isn’t one and the same and I don’t want to go out of here with her!”

“Nurse, can I have them leave in just a moment, my Mom needs them unified first,” Rob stated. She indicated yes, but she was staying.

“Dan, Rob, and Brianna each of you is to be seated and don’t speak right now,” Mom told us. Dan and Rob, what Brice is doing has been at my request, based on things that happened in North Carolina. Your Grandpa and I were talking ahead of things all the way through and not at Brianna request. She is here at my request.”

“Yes, she can change back, but I’m afraid it would be a girl dressed as a boy. This isn’t going to be decided today, but I want all of you for my sake and your own to be there for one another.”

“We had Brice to go down to North Carolina to be with your Pop Pop. Brice had been down for months. Brice as Brianna has found the joy that left him with the coming of puberty. Unbeknown to anyone there was a daughter wrapped in the appearance of my third son and you’re your brother.”

“If I’m wrong, things can be rectified in the weeks or months ahead. But Brianna/Brice needs the time and space to find what is real. Brianna tell your brother; did you ask to come as you are to see me,” Mom asked?

“No. I can take you through the novel edition of the story. But no Brianna was asked to speak in Washington, and I asked to change before I saw Mom. I was told Mom wanted to see her daughter.” Dan was actually my closest brother and he knew I wasn’t lying.

Dan came up to me, “Brianna, how about you and I go and talk; you can tell me the novel edition. I don’t expect to get upset.” We left and went for a walk and talked. I did stop at the waiting room and asked for Marcy’s company just in case.

When Rob came out from his visit with Mom we were already back. Our group and Michael and his Mom went to the family restaurant for dinner. I was surprised when Michael held my chair as I was seated, but I really didn’t mind the attention.

“Brianna why don’t you play some slow tunes in the jukebox,” my dad said, giving me a handful of quarters. Marcy, Michael and I went over and selected several songs and played them. Dad then suggested to Michael that he and I dance. Michael asked me and I looked at my Pop Pop. And he nodded his head yes. So I took Michael’s hand and walked to the area in front of the jukebox and we began to dance.

Marcy took Rob’s hand and Pop Pop took Ruth’s and soon I was not alone. Despite wondering about my Dad’s thought or motivation; I knew I had to relax and concentrate on my dance with Michael. When the song ended I paused and stayed there knowing what the next song was. It would be good for another dance and so was I.

Mrs. Vivaldi came over after the dance and thanked us and complimented my father, “You can be proud of the family you have, not everyone is so fortunate. Even good family are often not there during hard times, but yours is.”

My Dad smiled and agreed. I knew he felt bad about what he had done. I wanted to say I forgive you, but he did not acknowledge he was wrong nor had any hurtful intentions. I knew what he wanted was me to be embarrassed and to have his boy back.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want that too, but I started to believe there was and is more. I felt one of Michael’s hands on the small of my back and the warmth of the other in my right hand. It felt good like it was natural. It hurts that my dad didn’t see that part of me. I rested my head on Michael and looked up to him, he was happy.

When that dance was over we went and sat down. Mrs. Vidaldi came over and said to my father, “You are a lucky man to have such a good family. Even good families during troubled times aren’t always there for you.”

My Dad took a hold of me as I made my way to my seat and he placed his arm around me, “You are right, we have a very good family and I am a blessed man. But sometimes I have trouble saying the right things.” We looked at each other and I was going to kiss him, but he was not ready. So I did it on the top of his head and hugged him.

Our salads and appetizers came and we began to eat. I changed the course of my conversation to Amanda and her husband Richard. Ma Ruth and Marcy were able to carry our conversation. Ruth, after supper, asked me to go with them back to the hotel with her. I was willing but felt a need to say goodnight to my mother and give her a kiss.

I went back with Daddy and Pop Pop to see my Mom. She was glad we had gone to eat together and I wasn’t spoiling it for her. I told her I wanted to go back to the hotel as Marcy and Ruth had a long day. She mentioned how much she liked them and the good impression I made with them.

Dad gave even gave me a kiss on the cheek as Pop Pop walked out with me. I had made it outside of the room and down the hall before I had to hug Pop Pop in order not to cry out loud. Pop Pop encouraged me to take it one day at a time. He said he would be there for me.

“But Pop Pop you need to be there for Daddy as well,” I said.

“I will Brianna but you need to know I will be there for you. If I have to choose for a moment, I will be there for you know your brothers will be there for your father as will many others,” he said. Pop Pop stayed at the hospital since he would be with us all night.

We got back to the hotel and up to our suite. I used Marcy’s computer to check my email and I had some enjoyable communications from Carrie and Bruce Gillette.

I take off my make-up, shower, shampoo and condition my hair. A couple of the extensions came out when I brushed out my hair, but it still looked very good. I put on a nice satin and lace, short nightgown, put on my robe and went out to the living area. “Ma Ruth, I have a problem with my hair, some extensions came out.”

Ruth laughed, “That is not a problem it is just an opportunity to go to a salon in New York City.” Marcy came and ran her hands down the side of my legs. Her mom laughed, “It looks like she is taking care of the hair on her legs really well.” I blushed and tried to cover my legs, and then realized I didn’t need to try.

I looked at Ruth and Marcy’s legs and smiled as mine were attractive as well. “Ma Ruth, am I expected to go back to North Carolina with you and Marcy?”

Ruth sat next to me and looked square at me. “I expect as long as your mother does well (like we hope) the question is moot and you will be able to answer that better than I. If your mother stays ill, it might be very good for her to have a daughter around to help care for her. But they might want to call Brianna their niece.” There was a good pause, and we all turned toward the TV.

I broke the quiet, asking, “If my Mom doesn’t come through this and my family isn’t comfortable with me being a niece, can I live with you for a while?”

“And what would you do after a while, would you plan to move out on us?” she asked.

“Well, I'll probably decide to go back to being Brice. I would just need time to look like myself again.”

Marcy handed me a mirror, “And if this is what you look like would you become my sister? (Pause) I didn’t mean to say that.” Marcy hugged me and said she was sorry.

“I am used to the white elephant being in the room. Sometime or another, my family usually talks about the possibility. Pop Pop and I have been part of your family. I do appreciate you being here.”

It was 9:30 p.m. and my Pop Pop wasn’t back yet. It had me worried that something changed. I called the hospital and asked for the waiting room on the ninth floor but was given the nurses’ desk. “I am Brianna and my Mom is Alice Greimann in room 908. I would like to talk to my father, grandfather and or my brothers if they are there.”

“They are still here as… well, they are in quietly waiting with her. I am sorry I can’t say anything more, but let me see if they think you should come.”

“Please tell them I am on my way,” I said. Ruth and Marcy only heard half the conversation but all of us were up and changing back into our regular clothes. We did not take much time for make-up but we took enough, so not to scare anyone.

Mom was lying on her side facing my Dad as I walked into the room. I scooted down next to him and took hold of her hands and smiled, “I’m here Mom.”

“I knew you would be Sugar, she appreciates it very much,” my Dad whispered to me. Mom smiled and opened her eyes, she appeared strong and alert which gave me some relief.

“I told them they didn’t need to call you; you know I have been through this before,” Mom said. She looked around and saw all who were there. “I guess I really scared you.” Simultaneously we all laughed saying ‘no’ or acknowledged the possibility ‘just a little’. Mom joked, “Get your stories straight.”

Mom had indeed stabilized but Dad, my brothers and I would stay the night. The doctor openly shared, “This means the worst might not be passed.” Dad and I would stay in Mom’s room, alternating who was at her side. My brothers would be in as they woke during a restless night but neither stayed in the room long.

The morning activity began at 6:00 a.m.; they even had mom up and walking to the restroom. I, not a nurse, got to wash and dry her, though we did not tell my dad. I brushed out her hair and helped her with a little make-up. The nurses said it is good when a woman cares about herself. As much as Mom had been in the hospital; she had never become used to being helped.

Marcy and Ruth brought me a change of outfits, I was given permission to use the shower off Mom's room. I changed my hair into a simple ponytail. I knew Mom would like it as she would feel comfortable then to brush my hair.

I was not wrong, come at 9:30 a.m. Mom asked me to sit on the edge of her bed as she brushed out my hair. I needed to use the women’s room to clean off my nails but came back to allow Mom to manicure my hands. “Brianna, do you see evidence of Brice’s hands?” she asked.

It was true, even though I simplified everything today, Bri… Brianna was the one who showed through.

Mom’s temp was 99.8 come noon and by 1:00 p.m. the doctors were greatly worried about how my Mom would handle a fever or infection. Nothing was showing to be greatly wrong, but her body was working hard against something. Mom’s health had always been a challenge: some glands worked too much as others hardly at all; a bad surgery at another hospital put her down to one kidney. Having three children left her bones with reduced calcium and this time had been her second heart attack.

Mom is well liked back home as well as at the hospital. She would not suffer the lack of prayers or attention. But as the nursery rhyme shared not all the king’s men or today’s medicine could do all that was needed. Come 2:30 p.m. my Mom died.

The unintended insult would add to the injury of my broken heart. I kind of understand and part of me is glad to remain Brianna. But to be a grieving niece is not the same as a grieving daughter/sibling. Even the pastor would not know who I was. Brice was gone and could not get back for the funeral is all people would know.

Mr. Gillette could not be there for Pop Pop as we kept a few options open about where Brice might be. People who knew Brice and came to see Brianna with various thoughts running through their mind, but neither saw nor heard possibilities of where Brice was.

When we leave the hospital and go home, Rob moves in with Dan to take Brice’s bed and Pop Pop would have Rob’s room and I would take the long sofa in the family room.

I went to town and got a nice dark blue dress, I would not wear black for neither Mom nor I thought it was needed. I did buy the mascara Carrie used that did not run with a few tears. If I was not up to visit, I was sitting between or near Marcy and Ruth or my Pop Pop.

The Senate and Congress had ratified a bill with funds to benefit single parents, but it was bittersweet information to me just now. Carrie called and would have been there if the funeral service was at the right time. But the friendship was too short and Carrie’s notoriety would be too distracting to have her come.

It was hoped with time I could work things through and be back with my family. But when the funeral was over, come the next day I was on a plane to Raleigh, North Carolina. I knew then where my home would be. It was the one time I welcome three full seats next to each other as we flew home.

I was not done grieving, but I was moving on with my life. The Storms would keep the guest room for guests, so I moved into Marcy’s room as she had an apartment near North Carolina State University. She’d have the better bed when home; otherwise it was now my bedroom.

Living in Garner, I had a bit less of the metropolitan effect of the cities and I would develop more of a southern accent. I had not been crazy about such things as a guy in Jersey. Josh had talked about a Lacy Knapp who lives behind the Storms. “Faith, what do you know about Lacy who lives behind us on the next block?” I asked.

“She is in your grade and has been the only girl your age in the neighborhood, why?” Faith perked up, “You looking for a friend for you or a girlfriend for Brice?” The latter hadn’t crossed my mind until now.

“So if one was to get on with her life, she might be a good person to befriend, right.” I was looking out a back window, “Is it the canary yellow house right behind us or one to the right or left?” I asked. Looking out I saw a girl my age come out of the house to the east that was in earth tones with a possible stone front. I didn’t wait for an answer but ran downstairs and out the back door.

I made my way through the backyard and through a row of trees behind Lacy’s. She was taking down some clothes drying on the line. “Hello, are you Lacy. I was hoping to get a chance to meet you,” I said with a silly smile. “I’m…”

“You’re Bri, will it be Storm or Connors? I’m sorry to hear about your Mom,” Lacy said. “Yes, I know who you are but I wasn’t to tell you. Did Faith tell you ‘I’m the only girl my age in the neighborhood? She probably didn’t tell you we’re good friends because there aren’t many her age either. She is two years older so she can make me promise something and make it stick.”

“I am the only one she told and I haven’t talked to anyone about you except to her and Ma Storm,” she said. “It is good to know for when I invite you to pillow party. So do you think you will stay and become a Storm?”

I must have looked like a ‘deer in headlights’. Lacy had a smile that warmed a stranger, and I immediately felt like I found a friend. I went to the ground as my eyes welled up with tears. “I hope those are happy tears and not sad ones. Faith said. "You tend to cry if you’re not intentionally trying to be strong.” Lacy was on her knees trying to console me.

“I thought it was going to be a long time before I had a friend like you. I am sorry that I’m crying,’ I said forcing a smile.

“Know you are not, nor will I be sorry when I dump on you. Both of us have been waiting for a good friend,” Lacy laughed as we shared hugs.
 

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To Be Continued...
 

 

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Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. The model(s) in this image is in / and are no way connected with this story nor supports nor conveys the issues and situations brought up within the story. The model(s) use is solely used for the representation of looks of the main character(s) of this particular story. ~Sephrena

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Previously… I was not done grieving, but I was moving on with my life… so I moved into Marcy’s room, she had the better bed when home; otherwise it was now my bedroom…

Living in Garner, I had none of the metropolitan effects of the cities and I developed more of a southern accent. I had not been crazy about such things as a guy in Jersey. Josh had talked about a Lacy Knapp …behind the Storms. “Faith, what do you know about Lacy who lives behind us on the next block?”...

“She is in your grade, the only girl your age in the neighborhood, why?” Faith perked up, “You looking for a friend… So if one was to get on with her life, she might be a good person to befriend.

I made my way through the backyard and through a row of trees behind Lacy’s. She was taking down some clothes drying on the line. “Hello, are you Lacy. I was hoping to get a chance to meet you,” I said with a silly smile. “I’m… You’re Bri, will it be Storm or Connors? I am sorry to hear about your Mom,” Lacy said. Faith probably didn’t say, we’re good friends, there aren’t many her age either. She is two years older so she can make me promise something and make it stick.”

“I am the only one she told and I haven’t talked to anyone about you except to her and Ma Storm,” she said. “It is good to know for when I invite you to pillow party. So do you think you will stay and become a Storm?”
 
 
And Now…
 
 
Brianna’s Home
 
I helped Lacy take in their laundry, including a mini-skirt I admired, but alas, Lacy was two sizes smaller. “Oouu, you’ve been bitten by the girl bug real good,” Lacy snickered. I folded the little piece of cloth and put it in the basket. We took the laundry in the house and she called to her mother that we would be over at the Storms.

Her mother stepped out in front of us and asked, “Lacy are you going to introduce me?”

“Brianna this is my Mom, you can call her Mrs. Knapp or preferably Ma Knapp as I call Faith’s mother Ma Storm. And Mom this is Brianna Connors who lives with Faith.”

“Hi Mrs. Knapp, is it alright if I call you Mom Knapp?” I asked. Her young appearance surprised me. I knew she must be in her mid or early 30s, but she looked like a southern belle in her mid-20s. She had on a short golfers skirt, with a short sleeve top that complimented her very well.

She smiled, “Yes you may Brianna. I don’t know if you remember but we met a couple of times around Amanda’s wedding. I would like to compliment you on your singing with Carrie and then at Amanda’s wedding.” I thought back and remembered seeing her several times, as she was very helpful to Karen and Amanda.

The three of us walked over to the Storms. “I remember, I thought you were family but I couldn’t figure out who you were related to. Ruth will feel bad if she thinks she didn’t introduce me.”

“I am sorry about your, Aunt’s death.” I paused as Mrs. Knap said and turned to hold me, “You miss her very much don’t you?”

As we went through the door I called to Ruth, “Mom, Mrs. Knapp is here.” As Mom came in, I asked permission to go up to my room. Then I took Lacy by the hand and ran up to my room and Faith soon followed in.

Faith talking to Lacy “Marcy said her Mom only had a few days of knowing her as Brianna but loved her immensely from the start. Bri she knows Uncle Will very well they give each other a hard time.”

“That’s my Pop Pop, I usually didn’t see him around a lot of young women but I saw he was in his glory here.”

“He was extra happy because one of the cute young ladies was his granddaughter.” Faith smile and lifted my chin. Marcy said he and your Mom shared the same joy at the hospital.”

“I think my Dad and brothers kind of like me but they are going through too much right now.”

Lacy spoke up, “That might be true, but it stinks for what you are going through.”

I hit the pillow, “It does stink; she’s my Mom too. She hasn’t taught me how to go through this; I'm not used to being a girl!” I pulled down the hem of my skirt and worried about my make-up.

Lacy said, “You do pretty well naturally as a girl. However, when you are with your best friend and family, you can be a little girl and not worry about your skirt. You make a very cute little girl.”

I made a sad cute little girl look to Lacy and she gave me a light spank on my bottom, “That’s the look, little girl. What did your mother think when she saw you in the Bridesmaid’s gown?” I started to tell them and my mood was picking up.

“I wore it a good four hours at the hospital. Mom was happy and even proud to see me looking so pretty. I liked the feeling and the times we shared, but they were too short.” Now I was talking and tears were in my eyes, but it was okay as I was with Faith and Lacy.”

Lacy asked, “Did Carrie Underwood really go with you to New York City? How come it wasn’t in the newspapers or on TV?”

“Well, she and we didn’t say anything and New York isn’t into the County Music scene. She very unselfishly tried not to detract from my family’s need. She did sing a bit, still, it wasn’t until she left that it dawned to people whom she was.” I said.

“Lacy can I change the subject and ask about boys. I was wondering if there are some boys who find me attractive enough to take out.” Lacy’s expression changed as I asked.

She asked, “What do you think of Josh?”

“I don’t mean to hurt his feelings, but he’s just down the block. Kissing him feels like kissing the boy next door if you know what I mean.”

Lacy and Faith both giggled as Lacy said, “Don’t worry; I know what you mean as he is a friend of mine as well. He does well enough with girls we don’t need to worry. You don’t need to worry either; you won’t even have to wear my small piece of cloth.”

“If your hips continue to fill out your problems will be very different. What I do suggest is get used to being you, a girl and developing friendships, especially with other girls. It is better that your focus, be on friendship and having a sense of respect and character regarding yourself.”

Faith cut-in, “If someone refers to The Triangle, it is the cities of Raleigh, Durham and Chapel Hill. Lacy, you and I will go to the Garner Magnet High School. And when someone asks about going to the mall it usually means the Crabtree Mall. They will say North Hills or whatever if they mean shopping at another place.”

“Why is it called Garner Magnet?” I asked.

“Dah, it attracts neat students like us,” Lacy replied and then paused. “It is because we have a neat international studies based program. “Faith is in it now; Marcy and Amanda were in it. Marcy went to Switzerland for a semester. I would like to be but its hard work and demands that one is a really good student.”

“Well, that probably leaves me out then,” I responded.

“Don’t let Mom hear you say that Brianna or she will get on you and you will then be an honor student or die trying,” Faith told me.

“I don’t think even the best efforts of your Mom are going to get me on the honor roll!” I said and laughed.

Mom and Mrs. Knapp were coming into the room behind me. “So you don’t think you can do that, huh? Moreover what’s this, your Mom?, You’re lucky we are going shopping or you would be in big trouble.” She gave me a slip of paper with Miss Hargrove’s name and phone number on it.” “You can call or text her about what books you will be reading this year in your literature class.”

“So you decided already that I am staying here and what I need to do?”

“No, I haven’t but you need to be doing something and I want you ready for school if you stay,” Ruth said. “If you don’t stay it won’t hurt you. And I still want to know if I am your Mom while you are here.” I could detect a little hurt with her strong demeanor.

“I’m sorry Mom, but you know I have been a poor reader and only an average student,” I said. “I don’t want to disappoint anyone, but I am a caterpillar, not a butterfly.” Without thinking I was up looking through my clothes to decide what I should wear to the mall.

Mom caught what I was doing and snickered, “Well young lady, while you’re changing, change your attitude as well. You might as well get into your brain that you will be a butterfly inside and out. Do you understand me?”

“Well, don’t say I didn’t warn you. I like the idea; I just don’t think any butterfly is going to emerge from this body unless you make that change.”

Lacy giggled, “You are too late unless you ruin your makeup and you shouldn’t have challenged your Mom like that. Mrs. Storm, she seemingly doesn’t know you yet; have a little mercy on her.” Faith was already out of the room to change and the Knapps said they would be ready in fifteen minutes as they left.

Mom suggested, “Wear a skirt as it will be easy getting on and off as you’re trying on clothes and no, to Lacy about having mercy on your sweet buns, you and I will talk when we get home. Southern girls are smarter than northern boys in not speaking back to their parents. I suggest that you concentrate on being Brianna.”

I tried to speak, but Mom was already on her way out of the room. I knew she was smiling by the expression on Mrs. Knapp’s face in the hallway. However, I also knew better than to push my luck any more.

Marcy would be going with us but she will drive her own car and Faith is to ride with her. I thought of putting on a sundress, but when I pulled it out, Marcy stopped me. “A dress might have a skirt but it is not as easy or quick to put on and off.” She pulled out a denim skirt and my peasant blouse with the flowers embroidered over the bust line.

I put my hair up in a ponytail and put on a pair of blue flats. Mom and I went in the van to pick up Lacy and her mom Charlene. Her younger brother Austin and sister Heather scooted into the back seats. It wasn’t long until we were at the mall and found my sisters. I saw the Dorton Arena off in the distance, where Carrie held her concert.

I knew of Sears and Macy’s but not the Belk that Faith said we should get to. Marcy said it was mostly a southern department store. Mom handed me a credit card and some money to put into my purse. “You don’t need to spend it all but between your debit card and the money I gave you; you have some $500 to be doing your shopping with.”

Hoping to receive the same type of blessing, Faith and Marcy quickly lined up. However, it was money given by my Pop Pop and Dad, as I needed a new wardrobe for Brianna. Mom gave us big girls forty-five minutes to shop before she wanted to see how we were doing. We stopped at Claire’s and Marcy said I needed another set of holes for earrings. She did correct me when I was ready to pick some earrings she said were for a younger girl.

I was interrupted by a text from Miss Hargrove whom I contacted earlier, Miss Hargrove earlier, as she now buzzed me back. We talked for a little while and she gave me three books and authors to focus on. Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice was first on the list. Every third or fourth would be my choice from a list of authors or with prior approval.

I bought a copy of Jane Austen’s book but Marcy and Lacy suggested I get others through Amazon and consider getting a Kindle or other such device. Walking past Maurice’s I saw a peasant blouse that looked adorable and the others agreed, so we stopped to shop there. It wasn’t until I was walking out of the store when the other left me out of something funny, as they were laughing.

“What’s up,” I demanded

Marcy said, “Every girl needs a pet name and we just decided yours. In public it will only be ‘Butterfly’ but at home, it will be ‘Mama’s Little Butterfly’.” They told me to look at my blouse and the embroidery work on my new blouse was of butterflies.

“Mom hasn’t succeeded in transforming me into a butterfly yet,” I said.

Faith teased, “No a caterpillar makes its own cocoon and the butterfly eats her own way out of the chrysalis.” I was guessing that a chrysalis was the cocoon. There are things a guy doesn’t pick up because he is not interested in knowing. Brianna, however, liked the image and inside I was hoping the transformation would be successful. “Did you realize one set of new earrings are butterflies?”

While my shirts were not terribly too short, I was pressured into choosing two skirts that were shorter than I was comfortable with. I did however like them and was appreciative of the pressure.

That was until Marcy asked for the scissors and cut off the tags and made me change into the light blue skirt. When we met Mom and the Knapp’s, Mom was delightfully impressed with how I was doing. “Let’s see how you do in sitting down for lunch.” We went to the food court and got three table strung together.

Lacy pointed to Panera’s so she and I went and got us a half a sandwich and cup of soup combo with Raspberry ice tea. She was texting but was again in her secretive mode. We were sitting down and eating with the group when Russ and company came over. Russ was a boy that Lacy was dating though not exclusively.

“Hey Tag,” Lacy said to a friend of Russ’s, “I want to introduce you to Faith and Marcy’s new sister. Bri this is Jeremy Taggart, these guys are in Faith’s class but are smart enough to associate with us. They said there weren’t any good looking girls in their class.” Faith laughed.

“So is she pretty enough that you would take her out Friday night?” I tried to gag Lacy as I heard what she was saying. I was also turning red.

“She sings with Carrie Underwood and you ask if she is pretty enough for me. I’d be glad to take her out but I don’t expect she really wants to,” Jeremy said. I sensed by his broken speech and demeanor that he was shy and feeling put on the spot.

“Why are you answering for me Tag instead of asking me?” I stood up in an effort to measure myself to him. I was back to 5’6” with flats on and Tag was closing in on 6’. “I guess I don’t measure up,” I said as I looked down.

Tag’s warm hands came onto my arms, “I’m sorry, I, I didn’t mean that. You are very pretty and since you sang with Carrie Underwood I thought you would have your choice and not want me.” Lacy knows I don’t date much. But Brianna, I would like to take you to a show if you would go with me. I was glad he was taller and had a southern accent though it wasn’t too pronounced. I didn’t want to date a version of myself.

“I really would like to Tag, but I need to get my parents’ permission. Why do you and Russ just happen to be here anyway?” I smelled a setup.

Tag picked up a shopping bag from the sports store, “We had to buy football cleats. We both play football.” I took hold of one of Tag’s hands, it was strong but not callused. “I’m an end or wideout. I try to keep my hands nice so I have a good touch in catching the ball.”

Now it was Marcy’s turn to chime in, “Did you hear that Bri and Mom he has good hands?” I was frustrated and didn’t know how to give comebacks as a girl. I took Tag’s hand and walked away, and then remembered I wasn’t with him. I hugged him in frustration and he was nice and put his arms around me. Then we walked back to the tables.

“Tag, it is nice to meet you, I’m Bri’s Mom. I think it will be okay for you to take her out Friday but I need to check our calendar at home. We live the block behind Lacy’s so it shouldn’t be hard to find. I’ll let Mr. Storm give you the ground rules for taking out our daughters.”

We were soon up for the second round of shopping. Marcy took my stuff with her and Faith as they had other things to do. I got a chance to know Austin and Heather a little. Heather was very nice and Austin was in a mood because he was shopping with a bunch of girls. Mom told him, “Be nice to your sister you might want to date her friends someday.”

While it may be correct, I knew it was not something Austin was open to hearing today. He was, however, boy enough to like his big sister’s friend. He wanted to be with Mom, Lacy and me as we did some more shopping, but I wasn’t having it.

This time around, I focused on shorts, jeans, and summer tops as well as getting another bra, and some panties. Lacy encouraged me to get some running shoes and get in shape for cross-country. Mom said it would be good for me as I still had too much of a boy’s appetite and needed to burn some calories. “Thanks, Mom.” It felt nice to bring shorts and nice fitting pants over my hips. I did get one pair of short shorts.

Mom called someone and told me afterward I had an appointment to get sports physical. I frowned at the idea of going to see a doctor and getting a physical. “Don’t worry it’s with our GYN doctor, Isabelle Woods.” ‘I pictured a 60-old woman doctor and her attitude when she found out my identity. When will I learn about jumping to conclusions such as this?’

Shortly after we got home Tag called and asked if I would be willing to go to a concert at the Dorton Arena on Friday instead of going to a movie. He said an older singer was coming and she was supposed to be good. I asked who it was and he said, “She is said to be an Australian, her name is Olivia Newton-John. Her voice is pretty but I don’t remember what songs she sang.”

“I wouldn’t be surprised if one of the high schools put on a musical she was in this past year or next, ‘Grease’. However, her other songs probably sounded more like country or pop music and not rock-n-roll. Yes, I would like to go. However, would we be going with someone? I’m afraid my parents would insist,” my voice dropped thinking I might lose the date.

I called downstairs, “Mom would it be possible for me to go to a concert Friday night instead of a movie?”

“Is that Jeremy asking? And who would you go with?” Mom asked.

“If it’s the Olivia Newton-John concert they can go with us,” Marcy broke in to say.

“Tag would you mind if we went with Marcy?” Again he paused before responding. I hadn’t much success in asking girls just for a dance, but now I found being a girl and received invitations to go out and getting permission every bit as frustrating.

Tag spoke with a hesitation and frustration, “Russ just asked Lacy and Lacy wants to ask Faith.

The house phone was ringing as Lacy said, yes, but…” Mom said the call was for Faith and soon there were eight of us going. Marcy said if we get two more to go we could qualify for a discount. Marcy’s best friend was willing to go with someone. When Marcy called for the tickets, they informed her that we needed twelve for the discount. Mom spoke up, “If you can get four seats away from you; you can put the tickets on our card.”

Marcy said she would and soon it was a done deal, but now we had to talk about getting something to eat before or after the concert. My thought went to what I was going to wear and talked to Tag. I told him, “I have a nice outfit I wore to Amanda’s rehearsal dinner.” Tag thought that would be nice, but the other boys didn’t want to get dressed up.

Marcy, her date and her friend were casually dressing up. Marcy laid down her ground rules, “Whoever goes with us to the concert and to eat needs to be nicely dressed. One can dress in the ‘Grease’ theme other than that no jeans.”

Marcy came into our room, “Hey Bri, how about if I make an appointment for us at the salon for Friday morning?” I smiled at the thought and nodded my head ‘yes’. It reminded me, more of my extensions were out and the rest of them needed something to be done to the rest of them. My hair was markedly longer and had more body than three plus weeks earlier.

The next day, Josh invited us over to swim. Lacy told me to bring some tanning lotion to sunbathe. Josh was good about things, as he knew that Lacy had this habit as treating his pool as her home. Josh even put the lotion on our backs, which I was sure he didn’t mind at all. He had to be careful in walking around us as he tended to tent up enough.

Between my gaff, living as Bri and taking the pill my own body did not respond as much. We were eating at Josh’s around 1 p.m. when Mom called. “Enough lying around caterpillar get home you and I are going to a tennis court.”

When I got home, Mom had a tennis outfit on my bed. Once again, I was getting hand-me-downs but now it was from sisters and not brothers. It was a nice white outfit with a short skirt, panty, and top. The courts were about ten blocks away, so we took water and towels with us along with the rackets. I complained that I didn’t play well, but Mom said that was okay as I was there for the exercise.

Exercise I got, as well as homespun mother wisdom. I didn’t say thanks as far as I remember but I did enjoy my time. Mom took it a bit easy on me and we eventually got in quite a few good volleys. Mom taught me the art of a girl casually adjusting her clothes, from a bra strap to the panty riding up. Mom made me work hard enough that I sweated more like a boy than perspired as a girl. Gone were the sugary snacks Brice would have used to replenish his strength. Left was a bottle of water with some lemon for a hint of flavor. Nor did we head right back, but sat in the shade and visited.

Marcy and Faith both told me not to think I was being pulled out and designated as a special needs project. “It’s Mom’s nature to share and tell you things before you realize you need them.” Translated, she was like my Pop Pop but not as old and she shared more than boys usually did.

Early the next morning we went to my doctor’s appointment for the sports physical. Dr. Woods was not old but the younger doctor in a bigger practice. Marcy and Faith went to Dr. Woods and Mom and Amanda to Dr. Keith. I was given permission to call her Dr. Issie, and she said I would be in her ‘X files’, meaning not everything would be on my general record.

She gave me a physical and said, “Besides having too many parts, you are in good health, but not yet in good condition. I would like your permission to temporarily put you on a male hormone-blocker as well as to have you meet with a psychologist. Meeting with a psychologist is a prerequisite for the hormone blocker but also for you to work through grief issues.”

“I am doing as fine as the next person, I’m a normal teenager and it just takes time and space,” I said seeking to get my way on something.

Dr. Issie came over, sat in front of me and took my hand, “I’m sorry Brianna, but most young women don’t have male parts. I do agree that you are doing exceptionally well for all you are going through. But the law and good judgment as a doctor requires me to say what you need to hear, not what you want to hear.”

I liked her openness and treating me as an adult. “Can you do me one favor,” I asked, “It really is a requirement. I need you to be open with me and not keep secrets from me.”

Dr. Woods looked at my Mom and me. “I think she is asking this of both of us. Brianna, I think you are under an added tension from us treating you as a girl younger than you really are. I am in agreement, Mrs. Storm?”

Mom paused only shortly and then smiled, “Yes I agree, and Brianna, I apologize.”

Dr. Woods told Nurse Polly to get me an appointment with Dr. Rowe, the Psychiatrist. Then she had me sign some papers as Brice to get my medical records from New Jersey. She said, “I am going to give you a tetanus shot as well as the hormone blocker in light of the appointment being scheduled. Please understand this does not presuppose what you will decide in the future nor make anything irreversible at this time. You have my full support to make what is a healthy decision for you.”

I asked about the changes in my body. “I think if you make a decision by this summer your body should respond properly either way. I would like to see you in three weeks to check that. If need be we can pull back on the female hormones and stop the blocker, if you are progressing faster or if you are not comfortable deciding at this time. I came away feeling better about what was happening in my life and especially my wanting to be Brianna.

I had already read a hundred pages of ‘Pride and Prejudice’; and when we got back home, Mom had me reading again. She asked me while I read, “What are some disadvantages to being female in our society?” I decided to be smart about it, which was the wrong way to go.

“You have to let the man pay the bill, it takes longer to decide on clothes because we have more to choose from and…” Well, I didn’t get to finish.

“I want you to write me a minimum of a three page paper on how it is a disadvantage by being female in our society? I wouldn’t be so flippant about it if you don’t want it to be longer.”

“Am I back to school already, I didn’t have to write papers for my Mom?”

“Brianna, I am not trying to punish you, but come 9th grade your grades begin to follow you. You’re going to be going to a ‘magnet’ high school and your academic grades in 9 and 10th grades establish some program possibilities. You aren’t used to being a good student, so I need you to understand some things before high school begins.”

“Some things you would have learned if you grew up as a girl. Your mom and I talked and she thought it wouldn’t hurt you to learn about being a young woman no matter what you decide down the road.”

“Mom said, if I come here I will need to listen to you even when I didn’t understand why it was important. Our church didn’t give my Mom credit for having a stronger faith than my Dad has. Is that the kind of stuff, you’re talking about?” I asked.

“Why did you think that was a disadvantage?”

“My Dad’s an Elder in the church because they wouldn’t allow my Mom to be one before him. Dad didn’t really want to be one, but he hoped my Mom would get a chance.”

It hurt to talk about my mother and I had enough, so I asked to be able to read again. Mom said that would be okay but, “I need your help in another hour to begin getting dinner ready.”

I had already learned to cook a little from my biological Mom, admittedly I had more interest in learning now. It felt nice to put on an apron and not have my brothers hassle me. However, they too had learned how to cook, do dishes and do other things since we didn’t have any sisters. Tonight we were having southern fried chicken, asparagus and wild rice.

“Mom, would it be helpful for you to know, I think I want to be Brianna?” I asked. She paused and looked at me and gave me a hug.

“Are you telling me that because it’s what you think I want to hear or because it is what you believe?” she said. “Whether you are or aren’t my daughter, I appreciate knowing what is important to you.”

“I’m more comfortable if I think you don’t have to guess about me. I’m not used to not having secrets, but I don’t want this to be like things were.” I was getting emotional when Mom came behind me and gave me a hug. She didn’t stop me from crying but kind of let me know it was all right. People don’t indicate that to a boy.

Marcy went out after dinner and wouldn’t be back until late. Faith went over to her friends and didn’t ask me to tag along. Mom encouraged me to go an claim part of my room as mine. I had a poster of Carrie that I hung up, and I looked on the computer and set up my facebook page and a blog site. Choosing boy groups I liked was a bit hard to admit, but I was glad to have it done.

I downloaded some of Olivia’s songs so I could sing along with some during the concert. ‘Hopelessly Devoted” was one, ‘Let Me Be There’ and ‘I Honestly Love You’ were my favorites, though I played the Grease album several times through before the concert.

It was after 1:00 a.m. when Marcy got home and I woke up. I could tell she had a very good time but was pretty sure she did not want to talk to me about it. “Hey Butterfly, do you think you will ever allow a boy to love you?”

“I suspect so, though it doesn’t excite me just now.” I didn’t mean too but I asked, “Why?”

Without thinking she explained, “Tonight Ben really tried hard to please me and it felt really good. He took his time with me and I really enjoyed making him happy too. I hope you can enjoy that sometime. I think you will be a good lover.”

“Why would you think or hope something like that?” I asked. Marcy sat on my bed.

“It is like the words, the perfume and feelings all mesh with your body and you’re at another level. I don’t think a boy probably senses all that, but I think you’re changing and if you are to be a girl I hope you have that experience,” Marcy said. Somehow, I thought she was thinking about me as well as herself. The buds of my nipples even tingled.

Marcy thanked me, “Bri, I am happy you were able to be a sister back to me. I wondered about sharing but you have impressed me by being there for single Moms. It feels good to have another sister to talk too.”

Come Thursday night with Mom’s help, I shampooed and combed out the last of the extensions. It made a mess but prepared me for Friday’s salon appointment. I already talked with my sisters and Lacy about having new extensions or not. Tonight Mom was able to brush it out into a nice feminine style, “Bri, a beautician will help you to see other possibilities.”

“Mom, what would you think if I didn’t wear my breast forms tonight, and instead wore a bra with extra padding to bring me up to a B cup?”

“I would think you might become more comfortable in your femininity. Am I getting warm?” Mom said with a smile.

Marcy spoke up, “Besides being comfortable with her feminine side, maybe her own breasts are maturing and they’re beginning to bud and get warm. I think she wants to feel who’s cuddling up to her. Did her doctor say how nicely she is budding?”

“Mom,” I said.

“Marcy is just indicating you’re more of a girl than one might think, don’t get upset. I am sure she is on your side. You should be happy that you are growing out of being a little girl and becoming a young woman. Your Pop Pop will be impressed with the young lady he sees in you when he stops here next week.”

“When did Pop Pop call and why didn’t he call me?”

“He called this morning; he was having breakfast with your Dad. I sure he would like to speak to you unencumbered. Keep your cell phone with you, but be patient if you need to wait until he sees you. You know he loves you as much as he loves them.”

“Mom, you have a wisdom I rest on.”

Marcy tapped me on the shoulder indicating it was time to go to the salon. “You know Bri, your hair is coming along but you look better in long hair and that is how Tag knows you…”

I interrupted, “Don’t worry Sis; I already decided I still want it long. I do appreciate you looking after me though.” Her friend Deb would meet us at the salon. Deb and Marcy both had music as a part of a double major. When the talked of Mozart, symphonies, etc. it was a magical world into which I gazed but only caught glimmers of. Nevertheless, even that was neat; because I appreciated they had gifts that caused me to think if I did.

At the salon, they formed a pod of three beauticians so we could visit. Their beauticians were already next to each other. I had my shampoo at Marcy’s station and then moved to the extra chair. Marcy had sprung for me to get a facial along with them. The mud or mask was something I hoped to experience. I giggled as it went on wet, fragrant and smoothed as a creamy gel over my face. The talk was to be at a minimum, so we listened to Tchaikovsky and Strauss.

I learned long hair music lovers meant different things in music from present day pop to classical music, but Deb and Marcy were in both groups. They were down to earth lovers of music but had a depth of understanding and abilities that most of us can’t fathom.

While I was lying back with the mask, I felt other things touch my face, but I did not realize my sister and Deb built a little fruit salad on my face and sent out pictures to friends and family. The fun world of women has a creativity that I could and will enjoy.

Jesse, my beautician, thanked me for taking out the previous extension. The new extensions had a lighter highlight that worked with the summer season. I was learning to make better use of my time as Brice would have just been waiting, but now I was reading, visiting and even texting to Lacy.

Jesse was a young mom and I found myself getting into the pictures of her two children. She lived a good distance from me but she asked me to do some babysitting for her. I became her babysitter for Mondays and Tuesdays for two weeks as one sitter was on vacation. Marcy said it would be a good experience as it was not a baptism of full emersion. Marcy, Deb, and Jesse shared babysitting horror stories.

I worked on growing my fingernails, but like many girls. I had several fingers that had chips or been bitten. My manicurist used fake nails unlike before the wedding. I also went with a simple decoration. The red was bright yet a couple tints darker and vibrant. While out perms were drying our manicurists completed their work on us. I enjoyed the experience again as Jesse brushed out and finished styling my hair.

Jesse and I talked about make-up possibilities though it was something I would do later. She suggested using mascara with a blue tint. Putting color on with my mascara was a small step for a girl but a very enjoyable idea to me. We had to stop at a makeup counter to get it, which as usual ended with more items purchased. Marcy suggested I look for earrings and a necklace that complimented my look for this evening.

Marcy was texting, but for some reason closed it down as I approached. She told me, “We simply need to get going. Deb and I want to practice some music when we get home.” It sounded good to me, as I would get to hear them play some music.

When we got home, I quickly put my purchases away and went down to the piano to hear them practice. I did take time to show Mom my hair and nails. She got me to talk about having a facial. She showed me the fruit salad picture she downloaded. A picture was pinned to the corkboard near the refrigerator. Lacy called and asked me to come over and show her my new look.

She wanted to talk to me about my date with Jeremy; she was afraid we would both be too shy to do anything. “Brianna, what are you thinking about in kissing Tag tonight?”

“I’m ready to be kissed, I don’t see it as a problem,” I said.

“But what if he and you are both too shy to get around to kissing?” I hadn’t thought about that possibility. Lacy let the idea sink in. I was thinking after a few songs, “What if you where are up and clapping, you spontaneously turn and give Tag a big kiss and say ‘thank you’.”

“But that is not terribly spontaneous if I am planning to do it.”

“That’s okay Bri; girls do that instead of waiting all night to see if it happens at all. You can think of it as a teenage girl in training, ha!” I liked the idea and raise my hand to give her a slap of five; she pulled me in for a nice hug.

She tugged me upstairs and told me to wait as she took a shower. She left the door open to the bathroom so we could talk. She patted herself dry and had a towel wrapped around her as she came back in drying and brushing out her hair. Her hair was beautiful and went halfway down her shoulder blades.

While she could have done it herself, I helped a little with the back of her head. I liked the sense of my hair drying out and getting its body as we went along. She had put on a pink bikini brief before she let the towel drop. She had a pink lace bra out that she asked my help in putting it on. “My Mom and I talked that I might as well drop the towel sometime and let you know you are another girl in my presence.”

“So does that mean I can have your help when I get dressed?” I responded. She had not seen the outfit I wore to the rehearsal so she was excited. She had a mid-length skirt with a nice flirt slit up the side. It caressed her hips and waist in a very complimenting fashion. She put on a pink camisole and a white flowery blouse on over it. She buttoned it only half way up.

I hadn’t seen Lacy at night so it was good to see how her make-up changed for a night event. The color popped out even though she did not overdo it. Her lips, which had a natural fullness to them, became luscious as she finished up with her lipstick.

We went out and showed her Mom who smiled and gave her approval. She gave Lacy some extra cash just in case, and then Lacy went back and put on a pair of sandals with a 2  ½” heel. I thought how nice they looked but more practical they were as we crossed the backyard.

Unfortunately, I only have a 3” pair of heels that went with my outfit. Up in my room, I stripped down to my panties and bra to clean up before I put on my outfit. I decided to use the panty I wore for the wedding and a lacey bra. Somehow, my idea of no bra forms and just a little extra padding was more difficult than I thought.

Lacy unhooked my bra again and asked me to hold out my bra, she readjusted my pads into a better strategic position and the results were amazingly different. When I stepped into my slip and then my skirt, each told me that my hips were indeed filling out. I’m not sure how to explain the feeling of them coming over my hips and snuggling around my waist. The top and light jacket topped my look. I was good in putting on my make-up, but Lacy and Marcy who had since entered encourage me to use a bit more and let the color glow like a soft light were upon my face.

Our group had decided to go to the concert first and eat afterward. Though I was ready first, Ben showed up first for Marcy. He’s good-looking, a little more filled out with a strong shoulder and a nice physique. I don’t think I regularly would have noticed he had wavy hair but I did tonight.

Mom sent me upstairs and told me to wait until she called me. She saw Jeremy pull up to the house. Mom didn’t trust me so she sent Lacy up to make sure I did not hurry down. He was in the house a good 3-4 minutes and I was getting anxious before Mom called for me.

I was at the top of the stairs when I saw Tag dressed handsomely and with a sweater over his shoulder. However, the smile that came to his face when he saw me made my night; I knew he liked what he saw. I could actually see him take me in and then look at me starting at my feet and coming up to my face. Our eyes locked and I was halfway down the stairs before I looked to see where I was walking.

He almost gave me a kiss, before I heard him say “oops” as he pulled back. Dad told him “That’s good buddy it’s only the first few minutes of your first date.”

“Dad, you didn’t need to say that.”

“I was just complimenting him on good judgment,” Dad said. “Besides I want him to know your Dad notices those things.”

Mom was busy taking pictures of her girls, us as dates and as a group. When I asked her as we were leaving to send a picture to my Pop Pop, she said, “I already have and to your Dad, if he wants to see how pretty you are.”

I looked at the picture she sent my dad and I wasn’t sure he would easily pick out his daughter. I felt a mixture of joy and heartache at that. I really didn’t want to turn back from being Bri, so my ache was a prayer that someday we come back together. However, it would be as a niece who knew she was a daughter. I hadn’t told anyone but I already knew I was a Storm for life.

I gave Mom a girl kiss no lipstick and Dad a hug, and we were gone. Tag and I rode with Marcy and Ben, but I would pal with Faith and Lacy at the concert. We arrived at the concert a half-hour early if it started on time. I heard my name over the sound system to report to the soundboard area. Our group was there and if it was Mom or Dad, they should have called one of my sisters first.

Tag went down with me and there was a person at the soundboard ready to take me to Olivia. An assistant on the way back she asked me which of Olivia’s songs I knew; I told him, but asked what was up?

Olivia came over after talking to her assistant; she was a good-looking woman no matter what her age, but being older than my Dad is, she was great! ‘Well, Travolta was long past being a “sweat hog”.

After Olivia came over she said, “We heard you sing with Carrie Underwood, and your family ordered tickets for this concert, so we were hoping you would be here. I was wondering if you were up to singing a song or two with me.”

“Ms. Olivia, it would be an honor but wouldn’t it be good to give another girl a chance?” I said with regret.

“Your good nature doesn’t surprise me and with two part to the concert, I will probably do that.” She took my hand like asking a favor, “I would like to sing in the second half with someone I know can sing and add to the concert.”

“I won’t pressure you but if it is alright, I am going to call your name and if you’re willing to sing, please make your way to the stage and sing with me. There should be a black and silver mic someone gives you. You told Joni which songs you’re comfortable singing. Please know I look forward to hearing you sing with me.”

I saw another gown hanging up: I couldn’t believe my mind as I found myself thinking, I hope she wears that for the second half; it goes better with my outfit.

Faith said the singer opening the concert was a local guy Jerry Fordham and from his reception, he had a good following. He would be back a number of times as her accompaniment.

Olivia’s second song of the concert was “Let Me Be There” hopefully that was a cue to one or two songs I might be singing. Olivia’s not only a good singer but she’s also a very good all-around entertainer. She was already wooing the crowd as she finished her first program.

During the third song, Lacy poke me in the side to remind me of the kiss. I worked up my excitement for the song and concert; I was already for the kiss, or so I thought. At the end of the song I jumped up and pulled Tag with me. I intended to give him a short kiss, but I caught his mouth open. I found myself sucking air and enjoying it. Tag, was into the kiss as we finished.

Tag gulped and I knew it was a really good date. Before the end of the first program Tag and I was again standing to applaud Olivia when he gave me a warm kiss and his hands dropped down to my hips.

Come intermission, Mom stopped over to ask why they called my name before the concert. I wanted to know how Mom knew; other than her daughter’s wedding she was traditionally late. I asked, “Mom how did she know my name and we would be here?”

I could tell Mom knew something, but she said, “If anyone talked to her it wasn’t me? But does that mean you might sing with her?”

I was a little late getting back for the second half as I had to wait my turn for the women’s room. ‘This bathroom thing isn’t fair!’ Luckily Fordham was asked for an extra song.

Olivia was five songs into her second set when she announced, “Another singer that I know recently told me of a friend she made and that her friend might be here tonight. Please give a hand to Carrie Underwood’s friend Brianna Connors.” It didn’t sound much like a choice to me, but I was happy, though nervous, to go up. We sang “I Honestly Love You” as a duet, but knew she would finish better if she did it alone.

She told the crowd, “Brianna originally suggested I give someone else a chance to sing with me tonight, and that is why we had help in the opening set. Carrie told me and she was right, I should hear this young woman sing. Now I want to see if she can act too. Brianna, if you don’t have a guy here with you I probably could get a few volunteers from the audience.”

“We met this week, but I really like him, and his name is Jeremy, but I call him Tag.” I asked, “Miss Olivia, did you really talk to Carrie about me?” She told me she would tell me later about Carrie.

“I’m going to use Jerry Fordham to be with me,” Olivia said, “so I’ll have no trouble acting. Do you think you can convince the audience that you are ‘Hopelessly Devoted’ to Tag?”

“I can have fun trying,” I laughed. The boys sat on bar stools and we had to do a combination of singing to them and the audience. Olivia had an advantage in knowing when the focus was to be on her. Olivia also had a chiffon scarf she could use, but Tag had more hair for me to run my fingers through. Moreover, I could be little sassier running a finger through his lips and undoing several shirt buttons. I knew I looked like an amateur, but I was enjoying the time.

It was not the height of the concert, but it went over very well for us. After I sang, and on the way back to our seats Tag lifted me up gave me a big twirl, and let me down with a big kiss and a hug. Faith Marcy both threatened to ice us down if we did not cool it on our own.

A group of us went backstage and invited back to Olivia’s changing room. More than a few flowers were decorating her room as well as messages. Olivia told us that Carrie Underwood had indeed contacted her about me. She said, “Carrie said she’s the first member of your fan club and welcomed me to join after I heard you.” “She told me you have a good stage presence which I saw myself tonight. She said you have already been through a lot and that you have become a special person to her.”

“I will tell you Bri… Brianna, Carrie is quite a special woman herself, so for her to say that speaks volumes to me. You seem the kind of person we hope is in our audience and that we can lift you up just a little.”

“If Carrie would ever invite you to go on one of her little projects, ask her to please invite me?” Olivia whispered.

Olivia said she was going out, but that it was an adult party she asked Marcy, Deb, and their dates if they would be interested in the party. Ben said he had to be up early for work, but encouraged Marcy to go as I did. Deb wanted to go but her boyfriend didn’t see it as a good time for him.

We all went for a bite to eat; Marcy then went back to get her car to go to Olivia’s gathering. I think I might have gotten up an hour or two after Marcy finally got home and went to sleep. I got up to help Marcy with getting her make-up off and to bed. It was nice to do something small for her…
 

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To Be Continued...
 

 

 

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Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. ~Sephrena

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Part 7 - The Challenge
 
Waking up the next morning was easy as I had no choice. Marcy was standing over me saying, “Get up and ready we are going to the beach.” I tried going back to sleep but Marcy threatened me with a cup of water. I quickly showered and put on a bikini with a halter top and shorts on over them. We were to pack an overnight bag anticipating to stay overnight. I was certain it was a decision already made.

We were on the road within fifty minutes; Marcy and Deb were in the front seats and Lacy and I were in the back seats. Brice’s regular reaction would be to catch some sleep, but the four of us got talking as well as singing. We were using route 70 and heading for the Indian Beach/Salter Path area. Marcy said it would be their last fling of the summer before she and Deb were back to the University.

I was going without my breast forms as Marcy said that would be best for tanning. I would be the smallest up top, that would not be easy on my ego. Marcy told “Bri relax and enjoy yourself. We will stay to ourselves for the first few hours on the beach. It’s the best way to enjoy a girls’ outing.” The others agreed and I was looking forward to getting to know Lacy better as well.

It took us about an hour and a half to get to the ocean and settled onto the beach. Though we would be staying off to ourselves, taking off our shorts and tops did draw a lot of eyes. Marcy pointed out they were not all men who were watching us either. And like us, most of the other women were staying to themselves for the rest of the morning.

I asked Lacy, “So are the other women sizing us up as completion or out of interest?” To my surprise, her answer was simply “Yes.”

When I asked her thought about what she said, “It’s the best barometer you get for how you are coming across. Other women notice more than the average guy and since you get to say yes or no if they have further interest, it’s nice.”

Wondering I asked, “Does that mean you might be interested?”

Marcy coughed and when I didn’t understand, “Unless two women discuss otherwise, the first one she might be interested in is the woman she is with.”

I wasn’t sure what to say at this point but I knew I was turning a bit red and looked over at Lacy wondering if she was interested in me. Lacy broke the ice, “Let us just enjoy the day and plan to be friends.”

I did find myself now thinking and looking with the idea of seeing more fully the people and scenery I was looking at. After our first venture into the ocean, Lacy and I sat on the beach on the edge of the water rolling onto the beach. There were quite a few boats and ski jets out a short distance, and a few ships further to the horizon.

We talked about guys in particular and people in general, about what we liked and found interesting. The more we talked about guys the more of a look came over Lacy, She was thinking about something more. Finally Lacy asked, “Would it be okay if I asked a personal question, it goes back to when you first came and sang with Carrie Underwood?”

I didn’t answer right away but looked at Lacy, looked away, and then back thinking. Finally, I thought and asked, “Would it change our friendship?” I took and squeezed her hand.

“I don’t think so,” was her response and she squeezed my hand back, held it and suggested, “Could we walk down the beach?” We walked and she would quietly look over. A warm expression encouraged me to speak.

I stopped and turned to her, holding one hand, “Please ask me what you want to know.” Lacy smiled back in response and gave me a hug.

“Are or where you a boy; more precisely a boy who really is a girl?” I liked the question; it gave me some thought she was seeing me now as another girl.

She pulled me to sit back down again; this time we were facing each other and tears were collecting in my eyes. She pulled out a small cloth from her bra cup and gave it to me to dab my eyes.

Instead of a simple yes I told her about coming to North Carolina with Pop Pop for Amanda’s wedding and how things happened. “I think others knew before I really did and it took even longer for me to acknowledge. Carrie, Ruth, and Pop Pop were the first to realize it was probably more than I was willing to say. But honestly, I still didn’t believe it. It wasn’t until my Mom gave me permission to be her daughter Brianna.”

Lacy cut into the conversation, “I saw the awkward Tomboy they said you were, and there were some real girl things about you. One time, you were with your Pop Pop and he rubbed his whiskers on you as a grandpa will do to a girl. It reminded me of my grandpa and me, and he held you on his lap like a granddaughter.” I thought back and now I remember seeing Lacy in the Storm’s living room. I wished even then I could have had a friend like her.

“I appreciate you asking me Lacy and I am still in the process, of dealing with trying to be Brynn, actually I amstill be taking time to decide if I wanted to go on as Brianna or go back to being Brice and back to my family in New Jersey.”

“You said you’re still ‘transitioning’ and ‘was to be deciding’,” Lacy asked, “does that mean you have already decided?”

“Yes, I am continuing as Brianna and the Storms are already accepting me into their family.”

Lacy smiled, “I don’t understand being transgender, except it is more than clothes and makeup. What does it mean for you?”

“I didn’t understand who I was or why I was seen as different. When I was a little boy it felt normal to want to play house or with other girls. I liked girls with long hair, wishing my mom would brush my hair. I wanted to wear girl clothes as I saw girls could wear boys clothes, but I knew it was not right for me to wear a dress. I was a teenager and snuck to wear girl clothes and looked up to girls as athletes and someone I admire, I knew I was different.”

"But you’re right I saw things in simple terms and thought I understood. When I dressed as a bridesmaid for Amanda’s wedding I thought I had achieved what I wanted. What I did find out was there's more to who I am.”

“Lacy, if you’re not turned off, maybe you would be willing to help me learn who I am and help me to understand what it takes.” I looked at Lacy as she sized me up. “I am small enough to wear this bikini as well as I now need this top.”

Lacy was now giggling, “You weren’t always small enough, but most didn’t see it because they weren’t looking for it.”

I hoped she was kidding me but I became more self-conscious as we walked back. We were back to being girls when Lacy asked, “Is it really possible that you could call Carrie, so I could just say hello?” It was Jeanette whom I was able to get on the phone.

“Hi Jeanette, yes I am back in North Carolina and I have a special friend, I want to introduce my friend Lacy to you and Carrie.”

Jeanette told me, “Carrie is out to dinner with her husband. Carrie will be excited to know you called and if it were crucial you are one of those I could ring through. You know she will call you back, I just hope Lacy is there when she calls.” Jeanette was happy to know we would be together for the weekend.

Jeanette reminded me of the concert in New Jersey the last weekend of September. She told me they were considering adding a third performance to concerts there as they were about sold out for the two scheduled performances. It was nice to hear from Carrie. They’re offering buses to run from NC for the added performance. It would be a good promotion for Country music in the northeast as well as for Carrie to come back to North Carolina.

Just as we were ready to end our conversation, Carrie called back to Jeanette. It was ten minutes later and Carrie called my phone and Lacy got to speak with her as well as me. She said she would be in the recording studio earlier in September and would send me a cut of another song to learn for the Jersey concert. I was excited about the concert as well as hopefully have my family there.

When we got back to our spot on the beach we took a dip in the ocean and back on the beach and our blanket to sunbathing. But Lacy had us comb out our hair first and then renew our protection with a light sun-block so we could tan. I would have used a timer for turning, but Lacy’s head was even better. Lacy had some romance novels that excited the girl within me.

I would look up and around to see if there were any guys nearby that I could substitute for the story’s characters. I was amused by how my imagination now responded to fit my new life. Lacy’s expression indicated she knew my thoughts as well.

When Deb and Marcy came back to the blanket, Deb mentioned a sign carried over the ocean about a karaoke contest that evening not far away at Morehead. They said it would make for a fun time. We would be able to dance as well as sing. Each half-hour the place would have three or more singers and then dancing. The final completion would be just before Midnight for those who qualified earlier.

I was expecting Marcy and Deb to compete which they did and performed well. During the final hour, my name was announced as one of those selected for the last chance to qualify. Since I wasn’t known there and appeared younger than most the crowd seemed surprised when I sang. Though the song “Jesus take the Wheel” wasn’t strongly received.

Singing about a cheatin’ boyfriend was more to the liking of the crowd as I sang in the final sign-off. We won a free night’s lodging. The hotel was pleased as we were the first from their hotel to win the contest.

Sunday morning I woke to my cell phone ringing; it was Pop Pop calling to see how I was doing. I got into a soft chair and we visited well over a half hour. Pop was tickled to talk to me with my softening voice and the new way of looking at life. Talking on the phone excited me in anticipation of seeing him the coming week.

The last portion Marcy was sitting with me and I was getting a greater appreciation for what Pop Will meant to Marcy and the Storms. I was wrapped in Marcy’s arms feeling like her little sister. I don’t know if there is a greater feeling than belonging

A good while after we hung up with Pop Pop; Marcy and I visited about him. Deb and Lacy had joined us and they enjoyed our sharing stories about him. I knew him since I was born and Marcy knew him the past eight years. He was one of those rare adults who could listen, be there for you and focus on celebrating your life and not fixing you. When I was in his arms I felt like a stuffed animal held gently and loved a lot.

Lacy and I were sitting on one sofa with our hands cupped around hot cups of tea. I looked at Lacy’s face and I saw the same soft eyes and lips I saw when with Carrie. We really were ready for the ocean which was across the road. For some unknown reason, we got up ran across the road and down the beach and into the water. We can both attest now that there are things about night clothes that are not made for the ocean. Our bottoms had trouble staying up and our tops were a bit more transparent when wet. Luckily Deb and Marcy were watching out for us and brought over some towels as well as shorts and swim tops.

I had seen girls get dressed with towels wrapped around them and today I would gain that experience. But first Marcy and Deb would have fun, not getting any closer than fifty feet from the ocean. Holding ones bottom and covering one’s top for that distance was humbling, red-blooded American boys were more than willing to come over and be our audience.

With shorts on and tops in place, the morning on the beach once again was fun. Lacy set her site on one stag and I set mine on his friend. Within five minutes they were hooked and we only hope they enjoyed the time as we did. Dean was not only nicely built; he had a good head on his shoulders. Even nicer the two of them were from Clayton a mere 20-25 miles from Garner.

It is nice to have a guy who is taller and swims well when one is out in the water. He’s like a floating rock with padded shoulders. Come to noon Dean and Joe would take us to lunch, but unlike being a guy, wet sand in my shorts begged a quick shower and change. I had changed to my light blue two piece suit with shorts and a light cotton top. Light on the make-up and my perfume and I were quickly ready as was Lacy. We brought money and our purses as Lace said, “To be treated by a boy is nice, and to be stuck with a brat is not.”

I got a cantaloupe slice covered with berries for lunch as well as a peach smoothie, figuring right that Dean would get a burger, fries, and cola. I wanted some fries but not a full order. This was ideal for a person who loved taste without all the calories.

Lace got up to use the women’s room, and I heard a fake cough when I forgot to get up and go with her. It was good as it helped to check my makeup and quickly talk about the guys away from them. Lace smiled, “He really likes you so don’t think you need to give him the ‘candy store’. Let him become a friend; if I am right he will travel to see you.”

The trip back to the beach became quite telling. Dean and I were sharing a very warm kiss. I had leaned over and when we were done my hand fell into his lap. He was embarrassed and I accidentally got Lacy’s attention when I said “Ou.” My hand started wrapping my fingers around him before I pulled back.

When we got back to the beach and parked I wanted to help him in the worse way but did not want to establish a reputation especially the possibility of one like that. Dean had fixed himself the best he could and carried a towel that he threw down just before he ran into the ocean. I waited on the beach until he waved me in.

I couldn’t believe I was suddenly a fourteen-year-old girl who would like to have this seventeen-year-old guy. I know I can’t even when I can’t get pregnant. I remembered a time when I found a brother shaking like a leaf. His girlfriend was late with her period and he was now scared she might be pregnant. A week later I asked him what happened; he told me, “She said she finally had her period, but seeing her expression I wasn’t sure what happened, all I knew I wasn’t there for her.”

Marcy came over to me and Dean in the water and I pounced into her arms. She asked me what was up. I wasn’t in her arms more than a minute and she dunked me and said, “You two should go play Frisbee or miniature golf.” She whispered in my ear, “Bri cool down or I am taking you home right now!”

We stayed in the water for a while but I was kind of in control of me and that was enough. I didn’t want to stop feeling what I was experiencing, and just enjoyed the day for coming this far.

We took a long walk on the beach and we went to a dance that night. I found I liked slow dances where I could sink my hands into his back pockets and lean my head on his shoulder. I guess I sang along with one of the songs. He complimented, “Joe and Lacy, you should hear her voice, it’s as pretty as she is.”

Lacy started to speak, but then she thought the better of it. I thanked her later, “I appreciate your not mentioning about Carrie. I want him to like me for being me and not someone’s friend. Nor do I want a lot of requests pressing on our friendship. We knew he or others would find out sometime, but hopefully after they knew me better.

I had noticed a guy who had been hanging around most of the day; first at the beach and nowhere. “Dean, do you know the guy over at the counter?” I indicated who it was and Dean hesitated to respond and then finally acknowledge “Rob’s a friend.” I suggested he call him over.

Dean was actually with five friends, but Rob seemed to be the odd person out. His long hair wasn’t that unusual for a guy but it was better-taken care of and so were his hands and nails.

I wasn’t going to do my nails, but I reached into my purse and pulled out my pink nail polish. When Rob bit his lower lip I knew and asked him, “Would you mind if I did your nails?”

He was going to say ‘No’, but I interrupted him. “If I do then I and maybe Lace could dance with you without others getting jealous. We girls dance together all of the time.” I already had a hold of one hand and he relaxed as a coat of pink went over his fingernails. He was Joe’s younger brother, but neither acknowledged that until after Dean told me.

“I am glad you guys have Rob along,” I was telling Dean. I hope some time if or when you come to see me, he can come along.” Dean gave me a hug and a kiss. I was happy to be with that kind of guy. Rob and I dance twice and Lace, Rob and I dance another time. People were not generally seeing Joe’s polish though I believe several groups of girls did.

The late night ended with the four of us talking and then Lace and me. Lace asked about my time with Dean at the beach. It stirred again my desires as a girl, my juices were stirred. During our discussion my nipples were again aroused; even between my legs, I was feeling something. I had planned against it but I broke down and told Lace how bad I wanted Dean. She giggled but gave me a hug so I wouldn’t be offended.

When we finally lay down to sleep, Lace was lying down behind me. She had me explore myself, repeating the thought, “Being me is beautiful, being a girl stirs inside me.” Come morning are arms and legs were entwined and the waking moment was wonderful. Marcy knocked on the door and was inside before we could respond.

“So are you just good friends” she smirked.

The ride home was even more enjoyable than when we came. Marcy drove just a short distance out of our way to see the town of Dean, Joe, and Rob. We were teased some, though we enjoyed every minute of it.

It was nice to be home, ha, this is home. Marcy was packing some stuff for college as I was eyeing the time I would soon have her bed. I also helped Marcy to take stuff over to the apartment she would be sharing with Deb and another friend. I looked forward to being invited over. But with Faith, I knew I was second in line.

Lace, Faith, and I liked shopping for new school clothes. I was growing to like shopping therapy more and more. While buying is the ultimate, window shopping and trying on outfits are neat unto themselves. I don’t have all it takes to pull off a naughty girl look or overly sexy, but it is fun to pretend.

Ma Storm isn’t big into society and social outings for her girls, but she does like them to be well rounded and know how to carry themselves in various setting. The Belles and Gentlemen’s Ball in the Tri-Cities in the fall is one such gathering. Faith gets to take part in this year as well as next. I need to wait at least a year and two if a Gentleman doesn’t ask me. But looking at dresses as well as learning southern etiquette and dances should begin this year according to Mom and Lacey agreed.

I remember being a Jersey Yankee and watching old movies, I was taken by the cinched waists and lavish southern gowns. Mom liked taking me to the doctor and seeing the maturing of my body. I was seeing Dr. Jayne Phillips now as my Gynecologist and Transitioning Doctor. She was part of the University Hospital at Chapel Hill.

On Thursday it became a confirmed decision that I was transitioning to become a woman as well as formally Brianna Grace Storm. I had my moments of tears joyous as well as grief. Pop Pop was bringing legal documents from my Jersey family. I would miss my father and brothers, but I couldn’t go back to who they wanted me to be. I was glad they could legally be cited as Uncle and cousins with the possibility that someday there might be understanding or acceptance.

Tag came over as well as Lacy; I liked seeing Tag again and gave him a kiss and hug to emphasize it; but why don’t boys call ahead. I don’t like being put on the spot. But I knew it was the way Brice would have done it if he had the nerve. Mom was having Lacy go with me to the school to check my schedule for the coming year.

Garner Magnet High School is unlike many, it has an International Baccalaureate Program as its premiere offering. I suspected I would need to work hard to get into the top program within a year. I had already relieved myself of that expectation for this year. Mr. Williams greeted us to show me the schedule he had worked out and one scheduling problem still to be worked out.

I would have German with Fraulein Schmidt; I was picturing what she probably looked like. I also had Algebra, U.S. History, Women in Literature, Biology, in one credit classes I would have Band/Orchestra, choir/voice, Dance and Art and Life Skills.

They wanted me to take one more major class. Students at Garner usually had another language they had already started. They were hoping by my junior year I would begin my third language. I suggested a class in German studies: to understand the culture, customs, and history of the German people. I knew several of my ancestors had come from Germany and knew some of their struggles.

Mr. Williams, not wanting to say “No” had called Frau. Schmidt as she was in the building. He hoped she would break the bad news to me. When Frau. Elisabeth Schmidt came into the office she disarmed both of us. She was a 29-year-old teacher with great academic credentials as well as a warm personality. She would not turn down my request; saying “It is a wonderful idea but you need to know with me it would be very demanding. It would be an independent study that I would invite five to eight other students to consider.” She did quiz me to make sure my understanding and interest was not limited to Nazis Germany and was glad I truly did have a broader understanding.

She was quickly taken by my interest when I said, “Most of my knowledge of German ancestry and history comes from a male perspective in a male-dominated society. Many of my great-grandmothers have usually been known by first name and minimal background. I would like to learn if they saw coming to America as a source of freedom for them as well.”

She, Frau Schmidt, asked me to take a German name for class purposes of staying in character. I asked not knowing if it was German or not, but the possibility of Sophia as sisters Sophia and Elisabeth had come from Germany in the mid-1800s. Their mother Marguerite was believed to be a woman of Greek ancestry married to a German man. She gave me a warm hug, “I can see you will be a wonderful student if you live up to your potential.”

“You do not think I am up to the task,” I asked?

“I do well to serve you notice, I would not have said yes if I did not think you can do it. But I am German and can be a hard taskmaster. I do not want you to hide behind your looks any more than I would.”

Mom said, “Touché, she is challenging you, young lady. Let me see you sing your way out of this?”

“This would not be Bri Connors the country singer via New Jersey nine,” Elisabeth Schmidt spoke up.

“No, I have trouble singing American songs. Please do not be unrealistic and expect anything in German,” I sadly said.

“It is just that I am getting married next week and received word last night our singer cannot make the wedding now.”

“It would be an honor but I am sure you know others that you could and should go with. My Grandpa is coming either tomorrow or Saturday to visit and I am not sure how long he will be here. Time with him is precious.”

“I understand and would not press you to sing; I had thought of Marcy and wondered if she has ever accompanied you with the two of you singing or if she and Debbie Hach played together for a wedding.”

“Ms. Schmidt would you please contact Marcy and ask her directly about your wedding,” I asked? “I would be willing to help if she says yes. She knows better than I about her capabilities as well as mine.”

Counselor Williams was now excited about my taking an independent study and arranged several of my study times so times Miss Schmidt might have more choices for setting meeting times with students for that study.

Grandpa called late Friday afternoon after he stopped for the night in Virginia. I was excited as Brianna was very much now and permanently his granddaughter. Mom Storm had been sending him pictures so he knew how girly I was actually becoming.

Tag and I went out that evening with Lacy and her date. Like with Dean, I found myself enjoying being with a guy and no longer feeling that I was another guy. The tag showed me around North Carolina State University. He liked when I turned to him to hear him better. He would pull me close and whisper in my ear. Then it became nibbling and frenching my ear.

That night Ma Storm and the next day Pop Pa asked about my date and I found myself keeping some information to myself. It was not so much of feeling ashamed as I was growing up as a young woman and one does not any longer share all information.

I did give Pop Pa a big hug and kiss. Making sure he felt my beautiful head of hair as I felt his rough face. He asked me to sit next to him, “It won’t be long and you will be too big to be held on my lap. You might already be too big, but I enjoy so having a memory of my granddaughter. …Your Mom tells me you might be taking part in another wedding next week. You will be even more beautiful than before if you do.”

“Thank you, Grandpa, I think you know how special it is to hear you say so. Do I still look like Grandma Grace?”

Grandpa looked with a smile on his face and a tear in his eyes saying, “Even more so.”

Marcy came downstairs to greet Grandpa Will. “Grandpa, Bri and I have been invited to sing at a wedding next Sunday. The Bride Frau Elisabeth Schmidt has invited you to the wedding and reception to see you, granddaughters, can you come?”

“Let us talk about that tonight as I take all my granddaughters out for dinner, and I know that includes one grandson by marriage. I hope your older sisters can help Bri look extra good for her Grandpa Will,” Poppa said.

“Grandpa Will,” Faith chimed in, “we won’t have to help her much she’s naturally pretty and becoming more of a regular girl on her own.” Faith came over to Grandpa Will and gave him a big hug and greeting. It dawned on me, how much, my brothers and I had been taking my grandfather for granted, but to my Sisters and now me he was always special.

Marcy said, “Grandpa, you should have Faith and Bri put on a fashion show of their school clothes.” Grandpa agreed and we were sent to each model three school outfits. One was to be a regular school day, another a special occasion and the third was our choice. Along with a change of outfits a change of hairstyles would also be required.

The regular school day included a minis-skirt, camisole with a button down blouse mostly open over it. I had a new rose pink satin gown Mom wanted me to wear to the Junior Teens Social. Marcy helped me pin my hair up and do my makeup, I chose the jewelry and other accessories, with a nice pair of 3” silver heels with a matching purse. When I was all the way out I twirled and went into a slow dance moves. Poppa lost his breath saying he saw a glimpse of the young woman he took out and married. The last was a denim skirt, with a white peasant blouse with flowers brochette across the front. My hair was into a high ponytail and I was wearing a nicely fashioned pair of riding boots.

Faith and Marcy knew that Grandpa would give five dollars for each outfit modeled and usually gave an extra five or ten dollars for an, especially good show. We got the ten dollars for was he said was a great fashion show. I kept on my last outfit as I plopped into Grandpa’s lap. I first felt him touch and run his fingers through my ponytail, and then used his hands to lightly touch my face and skin. We were both making up for the granddaughter he had longed missed.

Brice didn’t feel at all bad as I knew; I too had a special relationship with Pop Pop. Brianna was making it okay for Grandpa to move on. Brice was still there but happy that I now appeared as Bri.

I didn’t know a Grandpa could celebrate his granddaughter’s life so much. He showed me some pieces of jewelry, most of which I recognized from my mother. Some I had never seen but knew were special pieces a ring, necklace, and bracelet. These had belonged to your Mother, Grandmother, and your Great-Grandmother Gussie, Augusta. Gussie’s father was a jeweler so these pieces are special in more ways than one.

One ring that Grandpa had me put on was especially old and beautifully crafted and when Grandpa put it on it fit like it was made for me. I cried as Granddad told me it was given to my great grandmother by her father on her tenth wedding anniversary. “Great-great Grandpa Mager gave it to her then so he could enjoy her having it.” I was crying for joy by this time afraid I would forget but knowing I never would.

Everyone came around us and “Ou and aah” were heard round about us. Lacy had come over some time during the fashion show, but it was not until now I heard her and felt her hug. Grandpa told us, “My mother believed her father made the ring while he was still in the old country which meant it would have been before 1860. A jeweler told your mother he too believed it was an old world ring because of hits set.”

Poppa handed me an old pouch with drawstrings saying it was what his mother used for jewelry safely put away. “Poppa would it be okay for me to wear it to dinner tonight,” I asked? He drew me to him and kissed me on the forehead, “I think that would be very appropriate. I would suggest you Momma hold on to it most of the time.” I smiled at my mother in agreement.

Mom suggested outfits for her girls wear mine being the one I wore to Mandy’s rehearsal. I am not sure if Mom did it intentionally for me to learn how much I have changed in a short time. The dress fits nicely as I now filled out the hips and the dress now flared very differently from before. Mom was happy for me as I came out and twirled in front of her. “It is so much nicer looking now, don’t you agree to mommy.”

Mandy and Rick stopped at home, saying it was Grandpa Will’s order, so we wondered what were the plans. Grandpa was dressed to the T’s, better than I had ever seen him. When he sat down all four granddaughters were buzzing around him like bees. “Grandpa Will… He was in his element with the attention and more so when the Limo driver knocked at the door.

We were quickly whisked off for Margaux’s in Raleigh; my sisters said it would be a good night out. I was sitting next to Grandpa as he complimented my getting into the limo and sitting down. Faith spoke up, “Yes, she has quickly picked up the ways of a fine woman.”

Grandpa lifted up my hand to see the ring, noticing how much more it was glimmering. “Yes, Momma cleaned it gently while I got dressed,” Mandy asked me to lean forward and to lower my head as she came across the limo. First with the point of a comb repositioning some of my hair, she pinned a fine piece of jewelry in my hairdo.

“Mother Storm said it would work well. What do you women think,” Grandpa asked? I would need to wait until I was near a larger mirror. I was always anxious to hear Marcy’s opinion but she paused, waiting for Mandy and Faith to respond.

“Grandpa Will it is exquisite; is that from her Great-Grandmother too,” Faith asked? “Brianna seems to blossom in a special way to be connected to her Grandmother and Great Grandmother.” I felt a tinge and goosebumps as though my grandmother or Great Grandmother’s spirits stirred inside me. Grandpa wrapped his arm around me and I nuzzled into him.

“You look fantastic Bri, but be careful you don’t smear your make-up,” Mandy said. She took my hands to comfort me. “My little Bridesmaid how precious you have become.”

We arrived at Margaux’s but had to wait to be let out by the chauffeur. I put one foot out the door as he offered me his hand. I and my sisters waited and escorted Grandpa into Margaux’s. Marcy and I had wraps that the maitre de helped us with. Marcy took me over to a large mirror to see the jeweled hair pin. It was definitely not inexpensive nor a recent piece. Two couples came in after us and the women noticed my jewelry. “Well young lady, can we take a closer look and admire your jewelry,” one asked.

“Grandpa, is she wearing a family heirloom?” the other asked as they looked closely at the hairpin and noticed the ring. “Margaret, did you see this exquisite ring? Young lady these are very fine pieces and if they are family that makes them so much. It looks like they were given to someone who appreciates them.”

“I never got to know either of them; it is like I have pieces of them. My Great-great Grandfather was a jeweler and made the ring. It is nice and means more than you imagine having your interest.” We gave each other hugs and women’s kisses before we went to our seats.

Another teen girl came over to our table asking, “Are you, Brianna Connor?” She wanted my autograph and her mother took a picture with us together. The Maitre De asked us not to sign autographs while dining, but then asked how we were known. When they found out I had sung with Carrie Underwood and Olivia Newton-John they had their own interest in talking to me.

“We are having dinner with our Grandfather let us do it is peace, and if I get a request I want to respond to I will go outside with them. I wouldn’t want to disturb anyone.”

I asked, “When did each of you think I might actually become or be Brianna?”

Marcy, “When you agreed to sing with Carrie I first thought it and then come to the wedding rehearsal I told Mom you would be Brianna even when we went to the shore.” Mandy broke in, “Every time I saw her the week of our wedding, I saw another part of Bri as a real girl. More Brianna and I walked around and talked and the more I tried to bring out Brice, instead, I heard Brianna talking to me as another girl.”

Grandpa enjoyed the discussion, “I want to thank my Storm Granddaughters for the good hands I have put Brianna into. I think Bri is going to enjoy being a Storm and growing as a girl.”

“Bri, I am also proud that you already have given back to your family here as well as making your Grandma proud.” I was smiling as I was enjoying the idea I was connecting with my grandmother as well as my new family. ‘Bri’ was now ‘Grandpa’s little girl’.

Faith spoke, “So Grandpa Will, will it be like having your first granddaughter or your fourth granddaughter?”

“She will be my first granddaughter by my children and I am glad I’ll be there when it becomes official,” Poppa said.

Poppa noticed my expression and smiled, “Your doctor here has scheduled Monday for your surgery and Tuesday or Wednesday has been set for you to become officially a Storm, Miss Brianna Grace Elizabeth Storm. And I am here to be part of your extended family,” Pop Pop said. With his saying that my ring gave a soft glow and each of us looked to the other, to see the reaction of 0others. But everyone saw it; Grandpa quickly said, “I think it’s your Grandmother being overjoyed to share her name with you.” No better explanation could be given for the phenomenon.

I was deeply moved, it marked a moment I was now so ready to be officially Brianna and be part of the Storm family.

The Chauffer was ready and greeted us when we came out. And when we arrived home Ma and Dad Storm greeted us as their new group of daughters. Ma knew that I would be wanting a Mom/Daughter time. She gave me a hug but also took me around back to sit and share in the coolness of the summer night.

Seeing Lacy’s house, I knew I wanted to call her but needed my time with Mom first. “Do you mind if my Grandmother Connors is here for the procedure Monday and you officially coming into the Storm family?”

“She had already felt with you two having the same family name that she’s your great-grandmother. And she wants to get to know you and have a chance to spoil you.”

“Are you serious Mom, she accepts me and wants to know me,” I asked?

“Your Great-Grandmother has always been a free spirit and more so as she doesn’t care what others think.” I didn’t realize when Marcy came out with us or when she started to massage my shoulders, but soon after that she escorted me to our bedroom and helped me get ready for bed.

I was becoming more of an emotional person and some days as today; I was finding myself with a different feeling of being tired. When Marcy gently pushed me into the warm shower, I felt like warm butter relaxing. I cared for my hair and skin and changed into a nice summer nightgown and Marcy tucked me into her bed to sleep that night.

I was asleep before she came into bed, but come morning I found I was snuggled in her arms as I woke. Come Monday we went to the University Medical Center. It was like a new life or chapter was beginning.
 

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To Be Continued...
 

 

 

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Image Credit: Picture purchased and licensed for use from

123rf.com. ~Sephrena

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Part 8 - Baby Wanted or Not?
 
Previously… Come Monday we went to the University Medical Center. It was like a new life or chapter was beginning and I had Pop Pop’s blessing as he gave me a kiss just before an O.R. nurse rolled me off to surgery. Things went fast and soon I was hearing my doctor, “Good night Princess, enjoy your dreams, today one came true.”
 
And now…
“Hello Sleepy Head, did you have a good dream? I thought you would wake up early to hear the great news, Dr. Karen Robbins said." Dr. Karen was my surgeon, though Mom and Pop Pop wondered if she was too young to be very good. I felt her lift my sheet to show my Mom her work.

She began to lower the sheet when I asked, “Don’t I get to see what you did? And what is the good news?”

Dr. Robbins smiled, “I'll tell you, but you probably won’t remember when you wake up later.” I must have given her a good stare. “Okay, I will tell you anyway. We did, in fact, find the evidence you have menstruated before. There was a small rupture sight where prvious issues leaked and was absorbed back into your body.”

Faith chimed in, “The good news, she will be getting a monthly visitor like the rest of us.” Her Mom told her to shush.

Dr. Robbins smiled, “You can look at it that way. It also means we will probably put you on the pill as a precaution. I do not think Brianna that you will be able to become pregnant, but like any young woman you should take good precautions for several reasons.” The nurse had gotten a mirror and it was held up and tilted so I could see my surgery site. There was that orange antiseptic smeared over the sight, but I was able to see my new slit. Some of my pubic hair had been shaved but there was enough for me to get the look of my pussy. Mom lightly touched it, “It’s curly and soft, O how cute.”

Pop Pop spoke up and said, “If you are going to continue, show and tell, I will excuse myself.”

I looked and saw Pop Pop getting all red. “Poppa please don’t leave, you are the only one who can understand how I feel having been a boy. You have always been willing to be here for me, I don’t want to lose that.” Poppa stopped in his tracks and Faith gave him a hug, “Brianna’s right Grand Pop, we have embarrassed you before, but you stayed in there. Our little Sis, your granddaughter, needs you, and she wants you in her life. Did you ever have to take care of your wife when she was ill?”

Everyone knew Grand Pop was remembering if not seeing a time long ago as tears came into his eyes. He took out his large handkerchief and wiped his eyes and glasses before he turned around. “Yes, I did because I loved her and she was so beautiful.” Pop Pop did not look at my surgery sight but he did smile as he looked at me. “You are almost as beautiful as your Grandmother was and I expect you will be as beautiful as her as you mature as a young woman.”

Grandpop bent down and gave me a kiss. His whiskers had grown scratchy since he had shaved this morning. My hand caressed his face and I knew I was blessed to have him there. “I am so proud of you Grand Pop.”

I was thinking, “Grand Pop, I know New Jersey gets too cold for you to move back up there, but how about North Carolina?”

Grand Pop said, “Darling in a few years I might be in a care center; my lady friends are in Florida who would I have here?” Pop Pop knew he said the wrong thing as Mom Ruth and Faith, Marcy and Ed stood up. I tried to stand up, but I felt a tug from a tube in me.

“What are we chopped liver Grandpa Will,” Marcy was the first to voice her sentiments. “If you moved here and got older, do you really think we wouldn’t be there? If you want to be in Florida that is one thing, but don’t ever insinuate we wouldn’t be here for you?”

“Pop Pop, you know I love you and if I have a chance to be there for you, I will. Be it here or Florida, I would try to love you as you love me. But if you are here I wouldn’t be alone in doing so. As far as your women friends, I think you wouldn’t be lonely for long,” I and all the others giggled.

“Dear, I couldn’t afford the move; I would love to see you continue to grow,” Pop Pop said with tears.

Ed Storm having heard Pop’s words. “Will, Ruth and I have talked: If you would come we would convert the den as a living space for you and build on another room for a bedroom and private bath.” Suddenly, I realized I might not lose my Grand Pop to Florida.

Pop Pop smiled, “We can talk about it at home.” But I didn’t hear it as I had fallen back asleep. I heard Momma and Marcy singing to me, and then there was Faith joining in. Momma told the others about ‘Moon River’ and I was being serenaded by a small choir. The choir moved down the hall and I felt a little bad. It was only later I heard Momma and my sisters sang for others on the floor.

It was early evening when I woke again. Dr. Robbins wanted to visit before leaving the hospital for the night. She quizzed me about what I remembered. Seemingly I remembered barely half of what she had told me. “Brianna with the surgery confirming that you have menstruated before, I would like to keep you one more day to recuperate. So it will be Thursday before I release you if everything goes well.”

“Do you mean I have already had a period? But I wasn’t a girl, how could that be?”

“You should talk to your siblings and mother; they seemingly experienced some mood swings and changing behavior that indicated you might have. So whether you acknowledge the possible occurrences or not; medically it looks like we should prepare for the likelihood in the future.”

“With the possibility that you might be having sexual relations with a boy in the future? It might be wise to start you on birth control pills after you heal from your surgery.”

“I don’t think I need to be worried about a boy taking an interest in me or me them. Plus I don’t think my mother would want me to be taking the pill.”

Dr. Robbins looked to Mom, “Are you afraid that your giving your daughter the pill would give her ideas?”

“I already have three daughters and I already know they have no shortage of ideas. I will, however, agree and support Brianna in her decision.” I looked at Mom and appreciated her treating me with such respect.

The next morning I was able to have a soft breakfast of yogurt, blended fruit, juice, milk, and tea. A specialist came at 7:45 but no one told me her specialty. “Hello, Brianna my name is Caprice. I am generally a therapist for teens and women who have blocks or bad experiences regarding their body or sexuality. Today, I have the good pleasure of introducing you into womynhood; though I expect you know much. You can share with me if you know a particular area. My presence is not a question of your intelligence, rather an interest in your understanding of what it means and feels to be a womyn.”

“While I am not a diehard feminist; I am quite strong in my thoughts of a womyn’s identity being uniquely different from that of a man. I hope that I don’t offend you nor do I mean to convert you to my way of thinking. Nor do I mind having an impact upon your formation as a womyn.”

I smiled, “I strongly agree that Brianna is quite different from Brice. While I have had some good help and time to understand part of who I am becoming; I am quite happy to have your help. I don’t need to drive my new Mom and sisters crazy.”

“You may call me Capri or Caprice as you wish…” “Don’t worry if you are prone to a wide range of emotions or a different way of thinking than before. I encourage you to embrace your qualities as strengths and not to place your male perceptions upon the new you.”

“My Mom and three sisters are strong women and I’ve already been directed to be the same. They are not carbon copies of one another but they are insistent that the newest woman in their family will not break their tradition.” Caprice smiled as she led me to a conference room for our visit.

The information about menstruation was mostly new to me since my family had not conceived the thought that I might be having a girl’s monthly visitor. I did remember the past two months, times I felt uncomfortable. Last month I even thought I spotted some blood in the toilet. I was going to check a pad I had discarded but Marcy wanted in to use the bathroom.

Caprice giggled at the possibility but excused herself saying she was not seeking to make fun of me. I had not noticed the table until Caprice mentioned needing to teach me an exercise to help my vagina to be able to receive a lover. I joked, “Well what if I decide to be a lesbian. This exercise wouldn’t be needed then.” I giggled thinking I was being smart.

“O contraire, even there you and your lover would probably want to heat up each other passionately. I would be more than willing to help you explore that possibility as well. It would be confidential with us.” I lay back on the table as Caprice pulled out some dildos from her carry-along bag. She had various sizes and each looking like a man’s cock, though with differing lengths and thicknesses. I couldn’t believe what she just said.

“I’m not likely to be approached by some southern belle lesbian am I?”

“You don’t really think there are fewer lesbians in the South do you?” She saw by my face that I did.

“Well with Redneck’s around I thought that kind of fruit would be driven north.”

“Well, look at the bigot out of the Concrete Jungle.”

“How do you get away with calling a patient a ‘bigot’,” I said with an attitude. “Do you speak to all patients this way?”

“No I don’t, but you caught me by surprise as a transgendered girl, calling someone a fruit. If you want to tell your mother, father or one of your sisters I would be willing to apologize if they wished,” Caprice said. Caprice was pretty smug.

“I was wrong in saying that; I’m no bigot. I never was in a fight with any of them except one guy, but it had nothing to do with him being gay.”

“Brianna, a lot of people think well of you, but being a transgendered girl yourself, I am surprised by what I heard. Each of us has been swayed in some way that others might call prejudice. You seemingly have some misconceptions of southern women as well as being sensitive to stereotypes people have of guys in Jersey and the Big Apple.”

I smiled, “I won’t say thank you, but I am kind of glad you called my number. I am sure if you say anything to the others, I would have more trouble from them. Somehow I have come to think of myself as a normal girl, while I look at others differently… I had already found myself wonder about myself where other girls are concerned.”

I braced my arms and elbows to help hold my head and shoulders up to see what she was doing but I was soon surprised by the feelings shooting through my body because of her devices penetrating me. “That is very good; it means the surgeon did really well in forming your vagina.” When she used the second and third cock shaped dildo I was being sent into a sexual fantasy despite my attempts not to go there. I began to moan, and though some of it was uncomfortable the moaning was all because as a girl I couldn't handle the flood of joy. I didn’t think Caprice had gone overboard but my experience was unlike anything I had previously.

Caprice had finished, fixed my robe and waited at least five minutes or more for me to come back to normal. “You know many more guys could experience an orgasm than do. They think all heightened joy and ejaculations are orgasms. If they would concentrate on helping their partner enjoy herself, they would more likely experience how fantastic good sex can be.”

“I should tell you it is likely that you will wonder if you have a lesbian leanings. Many males who change to females change as do their relationships for sometime before they realize what is true for them. And the same about helping a female lover to experience joy also helps your joy… What we just did was restrained because it was therapy and not for sexual gratification.” She was amused to see my expression, ‘thinking it was restrained.’

“I’ve experienced that with a neighbor my age who’s become a close friend. Mom told me the same thing when I talked with her about it." I confessed, “I think it is going to be as hard on Mom in giving me room to grow and mature as it will be on me.”

Caprice and I went back to my room where we talked about keeping my parts clean and things like yeast infections and stuff. “If you and someone are likely to have oral sex, you might want to make sure the other person takes care of their breath and has clean hands. Their mouth and hands are dirtier than your vagina. And your membrane tissue is much more sensitive and delicate than what you experienced as a guy.”

“You must think I was more active than I was.” She laughed. Karen my nurse interrupted needing to take my vitals. She was having trouble keeping a smile off her face until I asked. “So spill, what are you holding back your smile for?”

“Well, I am happy for how well your operation went and how sensitive you are. I am to be observant but some things are just too sensitive and well I’m sorry I heard,” Karen said.

“Can you stop later if you find the time. If you would, I would like to talk woman to woman.” She said, “I would be happy to.”

Caprice was just about through when Marcy knocked on the door to come in. It ended our session and I introduced Marcy to Caprice. “Has my little sister been a good patient?” I paused and held my breath wondering how Caprice would answer.

“She’s lucky to have a good family to get grounded in. While you help and encourage her, I hope you will also challenge her to grow up and not be dependent upon her family. She needs to grow as the woman she is.”

Marcy took note and after Caprice left, “So Wonder Girl has dropped a notch or two. I hope you are not dismayed, the rose-colored glasses needed to come off sometime.”

“I don’t think things have been all that easy!” I started to pout and my eyes were tearing.

“Quit pouting and let’s go for a walk.” I was standing a bit gingerly when Marcy asked, “Is it from the surgery or the therapy?” Marcy tried to keep a straight face but fell in a chair laughing. “I am sorry, but you need to get those things out of sight.” She had opened the cloth covering the dildos I needed to use. “It is so funny what Pop Pop’s unexpected Bridesmaid has gotten herself into.” She continued to laugh more. “I don’t want to hear you moaning at night claiming it is just therapy.” Here I was now standing and finding myself laughing uncontrollably. Karen came into check on us and we both started to laugh harder. Marcy asked as she laughed, “Can you find a place out of sight for those, especially the big one.” I wasn’t sure who blushed more Karen or me.

We walked down to the lounge where Lacy was waiting with some Chinese take-out. It was the first tasty meal I had since the night before surgery. Mama thanked, “Marcy thank you for lending me your book. What did you think of the young colonel?”

I jumped in joking, “If she likes the colonel, I want to know if he has a younger brother?”

Marcy giggled, “Mom when you're done you should give it to your new daughter. We might find out if she can relate to Anne and if her juices are working.”

“If I stay and read, I can give her the book before I leave. It would be good for her literature class along with her personal development.” Lacy picked up the book, “It looks interesting and I saw it on Goodreads. Bri, would you mind if I downloaded it and then we could read the same book? Then we can vie for who gets swept off her feet by our hero.”

“I don’t think I am likely to get swept off my feet by another guy.”

“You shouldn’t stay away from girl romance. You will be falling for guys, and if you forgot your surgery you’re not another guy anymore. I sometimes wish you were, I find it easy to talk to you.” Mom and Marcy were enjoying our part of the conversation.

“So if Brianna was still Brice, you could have been interested in him,” Mom quizzed Lacy? Marcy smirked and I was becoming embarrassed. I was interested in her answer.

“Well Brianna is prettier, but yes I thought Brice was cute. I would have said something but I wasn’t sure and didn’t want to reveal anything to others. We were in a group of girls at the reception and as well as before you went to the beach. I found Bri easy to talk to. After the reception, I went home and found my Ken doll and even put a Barbie dress on him. …I was disappointed when you didn’t ask me to go with you to the beach. I thought I gave a pretty big hint that I wanted to go.”

Marcy and Mom giggled till Mom finally admitted, “We had heard your hints but we weren’t sure you could take knowing Brianna as Brice, Grandpa Will’s Grandson.”

“I was surprised that Brianna came with Grandpa Will because you told me he was bringing a grandson who was my age.” Lacy changed the direction of the conversation. “Bri, I for one am glad you’re Brianna; you’re now one of my best friends and I plan to keep it that way. Boyfriends come and go, but a best friend is more precious. Plus this way we can go after the boys together.”

While we were visiting a young woman came up and asked Marcy if she would hold her baby while she went to the restroom. But I became suspicious by the direction she walked to find the women’s room. I tapped Lacy and we were three steps behind her when she rounded the corner to go down the hall.

When she paused to look back at her baby, I was pretty sure what was happening. She was surprised to see us and she tried to run but I had a hold of her. “What is so bad that you’re going to give her up,” I asked?” …Lacy was now behind her and also had a hold of her. “Relax we won’t force you to stay, we just want to see if we can help you with your baby, if possible.” Lacy now realized what the girl was going to do. She’s possibly a year older than we are so it was hitting home.

We moved out of the line of sight and sat on the floor and talked. “Rose is five days old and I’ve tried but she needs more. Don’t you think I would keep her if I could?” She was having trouble talking, “I love Rose, even though you think I don’t. But my parents would think I’m a slut if they found out. They would take control of where Rose went and that wouldn’t be good.”

“I was sure the father would help once he saw her. I can’t believe what he said, ‘if she was a boy it might have been different.’ Can you believe that?”

Lacy spoke up, “How did you think you could manage to raise her on your own?”

“My Aunt Margaret knew I was pregnant and said she would help me. That I could stay with her for at least six months. My Dad is her brother and she knows he drinks too much. When he drinks like that he says and does things he regrets. It wouldn’t be safe for me or my baby. Like my Ex my Dad does not think much of girls, a baby boy might have been different. Then Aunt Margaret was laid-off from her work two weeks ago. So I decided I had to try to live on my own. I stayed with friends for the first two days. I told their parents my parents were away.”

I wasn’t sure how much we were hearing was the truth, but I tend to be upfront. So I just said, “I would be interested in helping you, but I’m not sure how much of what you are saying is true. So be straight with me. …Are you serious about loving and caring for Rose?”

“I just nursed her until my nibbles are kind of raw. If that would prove anything I would be willing to show you. And if you want I could call my Aunt because that is where I would stay if I could raise Rose.” Mom had come out from the lounge looking for us as well as the baby’s mom.

“Can you tell me your name?” I looked to my Mom and patted the floor.

“I’m Sandra and I am sixteen Aunt Margaret lives here in Raleigh,” Sandy said.

Sandra was scared when I told Mom what she was doing. “I thought something was up, but we’re not talking about it on the floor in the hall. I suspect Sandra knows this is a “Safe Place” and that she won’t be charged with anything if that is what she decides to do. Please let’s visit in the lounge.”

Mom looked at me, “I need to ask first if you are in need of getting back to your room?” Sandra looked at me, “I’m sorry I didn’t know you were a patient, I thought you were waiting to visit someone.”

“I had surgery yesterday to fix my plumbing.” Lacy and Mom were amused about how I handled that. “Mom I think I am okay if we visit in the lounge for another thirty minutes.” Marcy was relieved to see all of us, as Rose was getting restless. Sandy checked her diaper and began to change Rose having placed a baby blanket on the table we were sitting at.

“I hope you don’t mind but she might fall asleep if I nurse her a little.” Three sets of eyes looked at me for a reaction. We all said it would be okay. Sandra was very modest putting a blanket over her shoulder and covering Rose and her breast before she opened her blouse. I learned that a nursing bra opened so a Mom could nurse her baby with little trouble. It was kind of neat to see.

I asked, “Sandra is it okay to call someone who might be able to help?” Sandy kind of smiled, but reserved herself from getting too excited. “Hi Carrie, I wasn’t sure if I would get you or Jeanette, but I need to know if I can get some of my singing money to help a young Mom here.”

“Yes, I know of your foundation but I didn’t know if you would want to do what I am thinking about. I had my surgery yesterday. The hospital I am in is a Safe Haven hospital. A young mom was going to leave her baby here because she can’t manage to care for her. …Yes, the baby is a girl and she is cute. …She’s only five days old. Sandy, the Mom was planning to keep and raise her with the help of an aunt, but the aunt lost her job, just two weeks ago.”

“I wanted to find out if it was true that Sandy and the baby are welcome to stay there. …I thought I had at least $4,000 there and with singing in New Jersey I could use half of that money to help. … I was thinking $750 per month for a year if Sandy is willing to get back to school and be serious about caring for Rose and going to school…Wow, that would be great, but I wasn’t calling to ask your help.” Carrie and I talked another few minutes and then Carrie talked to my Mom.

“Can you call your Aunt Margaret and see if she can come here. I don’t mean to put her or you on the spot, but we can help if it really has a chance to work.” Sandy was quickly on the phone calling and talking to her Aunt. Lacy was about to say Carrie’s full name but I shushed her as I didn’t want Sandy to know where the money was coming from.

Mom noticed I was getting uncomfortable so we all went to my room. Nurse Karen came in and was going to say some of the visitors needed to be in the waiting room. But I spoke first, “Karen is my doctor up on the floor yet or is there another doctor around?”

“Dr. Robbins just called and said she is coming up to the floor, but if the others leave the room I could check and see how you are doing. If it is an emergency I want to make sure and get Dr. Robbins in here right away.”

“No, I am fine though I do have some questions. I will need Sandy and Rose in here when my doctor comes.”

Karen said she was there to check me and suggested the others leave. But with Sandy nursing her baby I just asked Karen to be as discrete. “You look to be ahead of schedule in healing. Dr. Robbins is a really good surgeon and she has done a fine job.”

“Thank you,” I said. Ruth nodded her head, “I am glad you know enough to be appreciative.” As the nurse began to cover me back up Dr. Robbins came into the room.

“I too appreciate that you are happy with the results, but what is the problem that you were asking to see me?” Nurse Karen was still holding the sheet up so Dr. Robbins could check me. She had wiped her hands with germ-x and then touched me. She began to touch my surgical area like she was gently petting me. I was embarrassed as it felt good the way she was touching me. “I apologize, but I heard you already had some good healing there. I was reluctant to believe it already, but I guess that is good news for you.”

I smiled, “I have no complaints there, in fact, I thank you… My friend had her baby away from a hospital and I was wondering if you could check her baby but she doesn’t have money? She was going to leave her baby, but if I could help her and her aunt to keep the baby that is what she had wanted.”

Dr. Robbins casually observed them, “You know she and her baby should be in here overnight for a good check. Would you mind an extra bed and a small layette in here for the night?”

We all smiled as Mom even answered for me, “She would be happy. It would be a good experience for Brianna to have Sandy and Rose here with her overnight.”

Dr. Robbins said, “So Mama, you want to raise your daughter. I will have the nurse bring in a nursing gown and a have a bed and layette brought in. I will check back on you after I finish my rounds, is that okay?”

Sandy had a huge smile, “As she said I don’t have any money or insurance; I don’t even have a job to pay you back soon. But yes, I love her and I think I will be a good mother to her.”

“You have two jobs for now: to be a good mama and to make sure you graduate from school. The hospital has funds to help make a difference; we will make sure they put some of that money to good use,” Doc said, “If that is alright with you?”

Sandy was smiling again, “I would appreciate it very much, thank you.” Dr. Robbins turned and left the room though we wanted to thank her.

“Mom, Carrie said if I used $2000 of my money her foundation would give $7,000 so they could have $750 per month to cover her and the baby. Isn’t that great?”

“Our family will give another $250 per month so it would be $1,000, but that still makes things very lean. Sandy, you and your Aunt will be making a lot of sacrifices to make ends meet and keep Rose.”

“It is fitting that I do my part to make it work. It will help me to appreciate how special Rose, this time in our lives really are.” There was a knock on the door and a woman came in whom I didn’t know. Sandy smiled, “Hi Aunt Marge, you have a new niece. I know how I can raise her if you will help me.”

Marge went and gave Sandy a hug and first looked and then picked up the baby and cuddled her in his arm. “How come I didn’t know the baby was born? I thought it wasn’t due yet.”

“When you were laid off Aunt Marge, I knew you wouldn’t be in a position to help me and the baby. I tried to care for her on my own. It wasn’t working out. I was going to leave her here; it’s a Safe Haven center. This girl figured out what I was doing when I left Rose with them saying I needed to go to the women’s room.”

“But I thought you just said you know how you can raise her?” Aunt Marge was confused, but she asked Sandy, “How?”

“Brianna, her Mom, and a friend said they can help us with $1,000 each month for a year if it is true that you would help me to raise her with you. I trust you, Aunt Marge.”

Aunt Marge turned to us; “I don’t mean to seem ungrateful but who are you? Is what Sandy said true?”

Mom spoke first, “I’m Ruth Storm, the patient in the bed is my daughter Brianna. This is an older daughter Marcy, and our neighbor Lacy. Brianna sang with a popular country singer who has a special heart for single parent moms. That singer is willing to help with most of the funds based on Brianna’s word. Between the money, Brianna can give to her, and our family, we have $12,000 committed for the coming year to help if Sandy takes responsibility for raising Rose and keeps herself in school so she can graduate.”

“It might seem hard to believe but it is strange from our side as well. We were blessed to be here at the right time. Our doctor will be back here when she finishes her rounds. She will check Sandy and the baby and they will stay here overnight. They will be bringing another bed in here for Sandy and a bassinet so Rose can stay in the room as well.”

Marge had to sit as she was cuddling the baby; she began to cry. “Sandy is a good girl; she loves her baby. She just wasn’t smart in loving the guy she did. I was like that too, but my baby was given away. I will do everything to help her keep that baby even if you don’t help us.” Sandy hugged her aunt. We were sure it was the first time Sandy knew of her Aunt having a baby she had lost long ago. One could tell somehow there was a new deeper kinship.

Nurse Karen came back with a gown for Sandy, it was a bit different from mine so she could nurse her baby. “We need you to take a good shower, cleaning yourself thoroughly. I suspect Mrs. Storm or your Aunt could help you if needed. I was even able to find a fresh pair of panties.” As Brice, I would not have understood how precious that was.

It caused me to doze off and think how my perspective of life had changed. Keeping clean as a woman was not only about smelling nice, but staving off possible infections. Concern was not just about oneself, but worrying that a guy would not worry nor think about him infecting a woman. His unbridled mouth could make a girl appear to be less intelligent. It was bad enough to be discounted by a guy and society but to be a woman and get sick added to the hurt.

Marcy had shared stories of some of the doofuses she had dated. Some who were so cheap they never brought enough money and she would end up paying more than they did; or where her date asked her to dress up while he came in tattered jeans.

Marge asked, “Mrs. Storm could you help my niece, I’m afraid I wouldn’t be sure what to do?”

“We’ll let her get in the shower and if she needs help we will both go in and I will help to show you what you can do for her and what she should be able to handle on her own.” Marge was no shrinking violet trying to get out of helping. When Sandy called they went in together. Mom soon left Marge and Sandy in there to work together.

The bed and bassinet were brought in as well as a small table with a sink of water for washing the baby. The nurse's aide asked which of us wanted to bathe the baby. Everyone volunteered but Mom decided Lacy and I should be the ones. It was fun with Lacy saying, “Bri isn’t this like playing house, now we have an actual baby and not our dolls.” She looked up at me, “You have played with the doll I gave you?” I smiled and truthfully was able to say ‘Yes’.

Rose was a happy baby and cooed as we bathed her. I was more than a little nervous as we washed a newborn baby. She was now out of the shallow tub and Lacy was drying her as I prepared a diaper. Mom was guessing Rose was about 7 lbs. when she was born. Marcy had stepped out of the room and came back with two bodysuits for newborns. The one we chose to put on Rose said, “Mommy’s little Cuttie," which she truly was.

Sandy and Aunt Marge came out from Sandy’s shower, just after we placed Rose in the portable bassinet. Mom asked to borrow my brush to brush out Sandy’s hair. Sandy smiles as she quickly realizes Mom knew what she was doing. Sandy realized Rose had a new outfit and asked to see her. She had a wide smile as she saw her baby clean and dressed.

Soon Sandy was in her bed and Nurse Karen came in to check if Sandy was ready for the doctor to come back. Karen said, “Dr. Robbins will be here soon,” and she left.

When Dr. Robins came in she asked for everyone except Sandy and me to leave the room as she would check Sandy and the baby. Thankfully the doctor went to pull the curtain between the two beds. Sandy asked, “Could you please leave the curtain open?” So Nurse Karen pulled it back open.

I couldn’t help myself as I looked and Dr. Robbins opened Sandy’s gown to check her. I couldn’t believe how large Sandy's engorged breasts were. Dr. Robbins complimented, “Sandy, you have done fairly well in caring for yourself and the baby. How have you felt nursing Rose?”

When Doc asked Sandy to spread her legs I became very uncomfortable. Sandy joked, “You should come over here Brianna and see what my vagina looks like five days after a little baby came through it.” Dr. Robbins smiled slightly and looked over and waited for me to come over.

I got out of my bed not sure what would be done or what I was going to see. I stood closer to the head of the bed and held Sandy’s hand. The doctor was looking closely at Sandy, “Did you realize you tore a little when your baby was born?”

Sandy giggled a little, “There was already some blood and it was already hurting, no, I didn’t realize it.”

“Who helped you when you gave birth to your daughter?”

“I can’t say, but there were two friends, one with medical experience.”

Dr. Robbins looked up and decided not to pursue the question. “I think they did a reasonable job, but you took a sizeable risk for you and your baby. …Karen give me the irrigation bottle please.” Karen spread the lips of Sandy’s vagina and Robbins squirted the bottle and then dabbed the area. Dark blood and water seeped out, as I realized they had a pad under Sandy. “Don’t worry Sandy, this appears to be old dry blood. It is good we are cleaning it out but it should have been done after Rose was born and the next day before you would have been sent home.”

Dr. Robbins asked, “Are you allergic to anything?” With Sandy’s answer, she was asked to turn to the doctor could give her a shot in the back hip. Dr. Robbins used a needle to numb the torn area and waited for it to take effect before she irrigated the tear and then stitched it shut. With that, the exam of Sandy concluded.

They had Sandy lay back and laid Rose on top of Sandy and Rose’s exam began. Dr. Robbins made sure Rose did not receive any vaccines. Then she asked permission to give Rose multiple vaccine shots. Sandy and I teared as we told Rose she was okay when she cried with the vaccine. They weighed and measured Rose; “She weighs 7 lbs. 1 ounce and she is 20  ½” long.”

“Sandy, I commend you for the difficult decision to consider and now with the help of some new friends. Have decided to keep and raise your baby? I want to set up an appointment for me to see you and your baby in two weeks at my office.”

Karen spoke up, “You should not only thank Brianna and your new friends but you should get phone numbers and other information. You will need these friends to help raise your little girl.”

That is not necessary,” I said but was corrected by Dr. Robbins. Sandy was already saying thank you and turned to give me a hug. The doctor said, “This young lady needs to be nice to you and the others because as Karen said, she will need you in the future.”

Dr. Robbins asked, “Brianna would you please take Rose so Sandy can get up and get changed?” She handed Sandy a bag as she got out of the bed. Sandy pulled out a nightgown designed for nursing mothers. It was new and looked very pretty.

Sandra asked, “Brianna did your family get this for me?”

Nurse Karen said, “I think that is from Dr. Robbins.” Sandy had already started to shed her hospital gown when she reached to give Dr. Robbins a hug and say “Thank you.” Dr. Robbins was a little surprised and felt a little embarrassed as Sandy’s breasts were visible and up against the doctor as they hugged.

Sandy without thinking used a washcloth and towel to clean her body and put on her nursing gown there in the room. She twirled and was excited as we saw a new mother excited like a little girl. She was encouraged to put on her panty before others were allowed back into the room.

“I suggest a short time for visiting and then allow these three to rest. If you visit after dinner, I encourage you to keep those visits short as well,” Dr. Robbins asked before she left. “Brianna, I want to commend you for being such a fine young lady and I do mean ‘lady.” Smiled, glad that Dr. Robbins saw me as another woman.

The others left after thirty minutes and Karen came to insist that we lay back and go to sleep. Like, little kids, we waited until she left and commenced to visit as teen girls would. I wanted to know what it was like to have a baby. While Sandra, as she preferred being called, thought $12,000 would be a lot of money to live on. It wasn’t long and Rose demanded to be in on the visit. I brought Rose to Sandra. I saw how her gown opened to nurse. Then she touched a breast to Rose’s cheek and Rose turned and took the nipple into her mouth and sucked.

Sandra winced at first as Rose sucked on her breast, but soon relaxed and we talked as Rose was nursing. I had never thought of how it felt for a mom to have a baby chomp down on a tit. It looked beautiful a mother and baby together. I just thought it had to be beautiful for both.

The other day I had surgery to physically become a woman, and today a friend was nursing her baby and I was just another girl. Now my eyes teared as I thought it would be nice to be like her even with a little discomfort…
 

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To Be Continued...
 

 

Previously… It looks beautiful a mother and baby together. I just thought it had to be beautiful for both… The other day I had surgery to physically become a woman, and today a friend is nursing her baby in the bed next to me, and I was just another girl… Now my eyes teared as I thought it would be nice to be like her even with a little discomfort. Sandra winces as Rose sucks on her of breasts and we talk as Rose is nursing. I had never thought how it felt for a mom to have a baby chomp down on a breast.

Chapter 9 - Begins here
It is an interesting night with Rose sleeping in the room with us. We wake up just after midnight, again around 4:00 a.m. and come 6:30 we wake and watch precious Rose. I can’t believe how small and delicate a baby seems; yet the idea of a baby coming through a birth canal, adjusting to a totally new world I admired how awesome she must be. She is totally dependent on others.

I look to Sandra she is now relaxing and enjoying her miracle, yet becoming aware how much her life too has changed. She has years of changing diapers and weeks or months of nursing. The next time I spot a pad, it will be small in comparison of birthing a child.

There is a knock on the door and Dr. Robins pokes her head in saying, “I have two visitors who would like to see you both, and is it okay?” We would be frightened except for Dr. Robbins smile and trusting she would not put us through something traumatic without preparation.

We looked at each other and in unison, “Please, we would like to see who is here?” I’m the first to recognize both Carrie Underwood and Jeanette her Assistant and friend.

I introduce Carrie and Jeanette to Sandra and Dr. Robbins, though I knew Dr. Robbins had met them. Carrie came in prepared with a gown on so that she might hold the baby. It is easy to tell how special it is for Carrie as a mom and be there for Sandra and Rose. This is unlike what I grew up expecting; the rich and famous seemed to be off in a distant world.

Carrie just sits down with Rose in her arms and Sandra next to her and they’re just talking. Dr. Robbins whispers she will come back to check me, as well as Sandra and Rose. “You can if you want, but Carrie knows about me. She was around my life took a turn toward Pink.”

She pulled the cloth curtain and I’m back in bed for the check. Where she touched and examines me, my sounds are not from pain and they drew the attention of Carrie. “I can’t believe the beautiful sound of you being a woman indicates this is no accident.”

“I agree,” Says Dr. Robbins, “Yet it is impossible for me to prove yet so easy to believe.” Dr. Robbins and I both see that Carrie is like a caring mom to me as well. She tells Carrie, “It’s not very attractive at the moment, but I am sure it is okay to check on your friend if you want.”

Carrie came up and first took my hand and spoke to me before she looked at my surgery sight. “I cannot believe this journey and I am so proud of the beautiful young woman you are becoming.” I share with Carrie about the discovery of me as a viable woman, though Dr. Robbins and I believe it is not realistic to believe I would be able to have children. Carrie shares a prayer for Rose, Sandra and me.

“Sandra, I will be seeing Brianna’s family and leaving your initial check with them. It has a little extra to get going but please pace yourself in using your funds. It will be a very lean life to get by even with our support.” She gave her some gifts, including autographed recordings and picture. “Please call your folks and give them the opportunity to warmly love you. Even though, it will probably be wise to keep the arrangements you have with your Aunt.”

“I will see you Brianna at the concert at the New Jersey Art Center; remember we now have two and likely a third performance. Please do me a favor and just relax and be yourself and don’t worry about being a professional. I’m going to see your family before I leave so they might be late in picking you up. I especially look forward to seeing your Pop Pop again.” I couldn’t help but smile and be amazed by Carrie, I cry as she leaves.

Sandra comes unglued after she left, “You should have told me?”

“I doubt if you would have believed me, and there is no way I expected her to stop here.” Carrie is correct as Aunt Marge picked Sandra up first at 11:30 and it will be after 1:00 p.m. before Pop, Marcy and Mom come to get me.

I snuck down to the gift shop after Sandra left. I’m dressed to go home and I tired of being closed in on the floor. But I was in trouble when I got back, because Dr. Robbins had come up to the floor to sign me out. She was really angry. “Have you learned this from your big sisters or were you like this before?” I simply answered “Yes!”

She gave me an appointment to be back to see her as well as care instructions while I heal. “Dr. Robbins will I have scars that show, and will they interfere with my relationships? How far into a relationship can I go without telling a guy that I was a boy too?”

“The first two I can partially answer now and confirm or tell you otherwise three to six months from now. Most of the time we were able to cauterize the arteries that we were able to use surgical glue instead of stitches and the stitches I used were small and dissolve on their own. Scaring seems like it will be minimal and with the exception of becoming pregnant or a medical condition I doubt anyone will look close enough to see any scaring. I will have the nurse set up appointments for three and six months as well as next week’s appointment.”

“Remember if you don’t make the appointments everything changes back and you will be Brice again.” I looked at Dr. Robbins and am glad I wasn’t Cinderella. When I got teary-eyed she thought she had gone too far. Once again I understood the amusement of tears of joy.

Dr. Robbins came back to the room when Mom, Marcy and my Grandpa come to take me home. I had another surprise I wasn’t to see when we got home. There was a rough sketch of the house with a renovation of one room and the addition of another.

“Pop Pop, you are going to move here,” I said with great glee! I ran and gave him a hug and fought the wincing of pain I felt from my surgery, “Thank you, and thank you!

Mom had me sit on the couch and put my feet up. Lacy is soon over and as we get chatting away in girl talk the pain soon faded away. “Lacy, if she is good for the next hour she should take a slow walk outside. Would you be nice enough to make sure she does what the doctor asked?”

“I will Mrs. Storm, but could I have a light blanket to cover her legs? She hasn’t learned modesty yet.” Why does she have to point out my mistakes to Mom. ‘Mom’, I still miss my Mom; she’s still close in my thoughts. What would she think of me as a daughter, how would my life be different if I lived back in Jersey.

“Bri, pick three colors of my colored embroidery thread and I will show you how to braid some friendship bracelets.” I had quickly chosen four and Lacy is fine with that. After we made over ten friendship bracelets, Lacy sets out to French braid my hair before we go for my slow short walk outside. I like the idea of the French braid but I’m not sure if my hair is long enough or how it would look on me.

Faith and Lacy were right, my hair is longer than I thought and forms a nice French braid to the top of my shoulders. Lacy has made ringlets that dropped down framing my face with a large curls on each side of my head. We walked out front through the garage and down the block to the corner and turned around. Some guys came driving down my street and we like what we see. Seemingly they do too as they turned around at the end of the block. Chad Stephens is the driver according to Lacy; “He’s the hottest hunk at school who is not a big athlete. James his best friend is nothing to sneeze at. Both of them are juniors, honor students and good all around guys.

Chad slows up and pulls over to our side of the street to talk to us. “Nothing about my surgery, Lacy,” She agrees as we move toward the car to visit. Chad asks, “Would you girls be open to go for some ice cream so we can talk?”

“Don’t you have that the wrong way; we should talk before we even consider going for ice cream,” Lacy says. I chimed in, “I hope for your sake you aren’t two strange guys trying to kidnap us. I live over there, two houses down and I suspect my father either has his cell phone or a rifle handy if you are.”

Chad smiled, “Lacy knows better, we’re smarter than that and we’re generally nice guys. I know you are one of the new girls around and are said to be as nice as you look.”

“You could invite us over to talk if you want; we’re not doing anything special,” said James. “My name is Jim Withers and this is Chad Hartley.” Lacy looks at me and gave a small nod.

“That would be fine,” I say, “Just park on this side in the driveway so you don’t block anyone coming or going. If it is alright with my folks we will visit out in the back.” They went around back and Lacy and I went through the house to tell my parents we’re out back talking to two guys.

“Brianna, you were to just go for a walk; you weren’t to pick up some guys. What are their names?”

“They’re Chad Hartley and Jim Withers, Ms. Storm. They are both nice guys.”

Mom says, “Okay, I will bring out some Cokes and Dew in a minute.”

“Mom we don’t even know they want anything.”

“If Chad is anything like his oldest brother it is a mute question.” I want to know how she knew, but I just head out back, pulling Lacy along with me.

We are having a good visit when Mom comes out with the drinks. Chad looks up and is surprised, “Mrs. Storm, what are you doing here? Brianna can’t be your daughter; Marcy only had two sisters Faith and the one who got married.”

Mom smiles, “Hi Chad, I hope not to disappoint you but Brianna is my daughter. She was born at fifteen; I needed another daughter since my eldest daughter as you know got married this summer. Are you thinking about taking my daughter on a date or do you have your eyes on Lacy?”

Chad smiles, as he realizes he is under my Mom’s good graces and passes her approval. “Yes, I’m hoping to take out your daughter and James is interested in asking Lacy out.”

Mom asks about his oldest brother, who dated Marcy at sometime. “Mom, I doubt if Marcy allows you to cut in like this. We are trying to visit and if there’s to be a date I will get your approval later.”

I turn to Chad and James, “If you know who you plan to ask out, why don’t we change seats and see if we’re open to your idea.” Chad sat down next to me. Lacy quickly sits over with James and wraps her arms around his neck, “I’m happy.” Chad wraps his arms around me and says, “I hope you are happy.”

Something inside indicates I’m happy too. “So would it be okay to date a Hartley boy Mom?” I smugly say hoping she is out of hearing range.

My smart phone indicates I have a call from Carrie, “Hi Carrie.”

“Brianna,” It’s Jeanette, “Carrie is going to be in Charleston, South Carolina for a special event on Saturday, we’re wondering if you could come down so you could get some practice time in with Carrie.” I pause in answering. Jeanette “So what are you doing right now? I hope you are being a good girl and following doctor’s orders.”

Lacy takes my phone, “She just picked up a boy as we were walking down the street, Carrie. She’s doing good with boys, maybe bad as far as the doctor, depends on how you look at it.” I take the phone back. I speak up, “Tell Carrie, it just happened, I wasn’t doing anything bad or on purpose.”

Woops, Carrie is the one now on the phone and she enjoys teasing me. “Woe girl, I am worried about how you handle adapting to your new life. So did you set out to catch this boy? I didn’t know you were so easily smitten?”

I yelled, “Mom!” Then I asked Carrie, “Can you wait I just called Mom? I need to ask her if someone could get me down there.”

Lacy whispers, “I’m sure my Mom would take us.” I ask her to call and check with her Mom.

Mom came out, “Yes Honey, where does he plan to take you?”

“Mom, Carrie’s on the phone and wondering if I can get to Charleston, Saturday to practice with her.” “…Carrie says she can spring for two air tickets and passes for her performance.”

Lacy, “My Mom says we can go down early on Friday and come back on Sunday.” Mom shook her head, “That would be fine, maybe one or two of us would enjoy going along as well.”

“Carrie, it looks to be no problem, we will come down on Friday and come back on Sunday. There will however be three to five of us. Will that be okay?”

Lacy and I can go for ice cream and it looks like I found a new boyfriend. It will be nice as it will be easy to double date.

Thursday, I go to see Sandra and Rose. Sandra is now comfortable in nursing and caring for Rose. Their home with her Aunt is settled and while it’s not fancy it will work.

Carrie calls “I’ve reserved a suite for you at the Cottonwood Inn. I hope you realize the others will have more free time to enjoy than you will. When we’re performing and rehearsing I expect us involved to take it seriously.” I’m happy that she can be upfront with me about what she expects. Carrie and I chat for a while before saying good-bye.

The time at Charleston is great fun as she is performing to raise funds for ‘Single Mothers and their Children.’ I experience some discomfort recovering from surgery but all is going well. I’m tickled to be a girl. I am the only one surprised when Carrie called be to sing with her. Especially her new song as it is scheduled to be released soon. Though I don’t know it until later when I sign a release, our performance of the song was recorded for her album.

Things are going well as my Pop Pop announces he will head to Florida when we head out for South Carolina for me to sing with Carrie. The good news is he has given Mr. Storm a deposit for the apartment they will build onto the house. Mr. Storm says, “He can move in, in three months if everything goes well, no later than half a year if it takes longer.”

Pop Pop, my sisters and I spend Thursday night together. When Lacy and our Moms leave for South Carolina with me, he’ll start his trip. Faith like me became a little girl emotionally and doted on Grandpa Will. We were more like three year old granddaughters sitting on his lap with tear-filled eyes. Marcy was the mature granddaughter remembering this and that and saying what he meant to us as well as her. He would ask for a song and Marcy played the piano and we took turns singing parts as Marcy directs us.

Pop Pop is doling out quarters, but I am crying, “Poppa, as I have begun calling him, I don’t want your quarters, I want you to stay. Finally one time when I hug him and cry, he takes hold of me in the most loving hug. Brianna, I love you so much and I don’t want to leave either but because of you I have people who love me to come back to.”

“You do, you do and I will take care of you.” I knew we touched him deeply, he held me because he didn’t want me seeing him cry. I know he’s crying and it warms me, but I know to stay until he is ready to let go. Ruth brings some ice cream and ice tea to bring our time to a close. I sneak away and get ready for bed, but I go to Pop Pop’s room and into his bed as Brice would have done. I wanted to surprise him but I fall asleep before he came to bed.

The next morning when I wake up I smell like Old Spice and Pop Pop is sleeping on top of the sheet and I am snuggled under it. Ma Ruth embraces me as I come out of his room and she takes me to the kitchen.

Soon everyone is stirring, so after my tea and cinnamon toast I check my overnight bag and make sure I have everything I need. That means I am taking a lot just in case. Pop Pop teases, “Brice wouldn’t pack that much for a whole week.” “Brianna looks a lot prettier than Brice ever did.” Pop hugs me, “Brice always wanted to look as beautiful as you and he got his wish.” I and Pop Pop heard a bell as did others, but there is no bell that sounds like that. Mama gives me a hug, “I can only imagine your Grandma Grace agrees.” I get Goosebumps at the thought but there is warmth in my heart.

I give Poppa a CD that Carrie sent me, and I have loaded two others into the player in his car. Lacy and I sit in the far back and Faith is coming as James and Chad can’t. Chad’s parents said it was much too early for him to be traveling with me. I think I am going to like Chad a lot, but I am glad he is not coming.

Now I won’t mind practicing with Carrie as much as she wants. Mom spells Lacy’s Mom and we get to the Cottonwood Inn an hour before we are expected. The event is too help a group in the Southeast to begin a Foundation for Single Moms. Carrie and Jeannette greet me, saying over fifty million dollars is being committed today for the Rivers of Life Foundation. The Foundation’s emblem is the image of a flowing river, and I catch my breath upon seeing it. The beginning of the river seems to be flowing from a distant crevice. I giggle and tell Carrie I liken it to life coming out of a woman. Carrie presses her finger over my lips.

We continue to practice and there are so many people, musicians and singers. Tonight’s concert production team has as many people as for a major concert. The gathering will have a little over a thousand people. The new song is beautiful and Carrie has already cut a record of the song both as a single and a new album being put together.

That takes pressure off of me but I am honored she asked me to sing here. We sing through it five times this afternoon and will sing it twice before we sing it on stage. Carrie is so clam and down to earth as we practice and the entourage behind her are also perfect. It is me that we are practicing hard to bring up to speed. Very little am I singing on my own, but Carrie wants it as good as can be. We are to sit among the people at the banquet but eat little. I am dressed in the palest blue county skirt, my blouse is a shiny white lace over satin. I have a cowgirl hat but it is not to be on my head so as not to disturb my hair. The curt chief around my neck is pink silk.

The first time through the song before the concert I have it. Carrie gives me a light hug, “That is what I like about you. This is why I want you to sing with me.” You could have heard a pin drop during most of the songs, but the glow of the audience and their appreciation of each song is genuine.

Mom and Faith tell me how beautifully I sang, Carrie even directed applause my way for that song and “Jesus, Please Take the Wheel”. Mom finally realizes that I do not know the concert has been recorded. “Jeanette says, It was Carrie’s decision to get you to relax and sing your best. Carrie told the truth there are studio recordings for both recordings. The sound master and others however are already saying tonight’s recording will likely replace those.”

Carrie is speaking with many people, corporate executives, women and men of means. Some people’s names I have heard through the news or elsewhere. But whenever Carrie introduces me to any they come across as caring and personable people I would want as friends. And though I am less significant I am never made to feel that way. I am introduced to Candace, Elizabeth and Amy Jo the top spokeswomen for the Rivers of Life.

I know they did not need to be all women and that there are men in the organization, but I feel those they serve will be better served. Elizabeth is the youngest of the three and a Women’s Doctor. She approaches me and asks to speak alone saying, “Dr. Canfield says hello.” Dr. Canfield was one of my mother’s doctors in New York City and Elizabeth knows I am troubled that she knows. “Dr. Canfield wants you to know me as another person you can safely confide with.”

“You have journeyed a long way young lady and I feel for all you have been through. How is it to know you are the woman you have always been? I hope you enjoy being there for so many other women.” We visited a good thirty minutes. She tells me, “Rivers of Life is based here in Charleston and that I am always welcome to come and visit anytime. There is no woman who couldn’t benefit from our counselors and other caring professionals.”

“Are you sharing that expecting I could make good use of them?”

“All I am saying is that sometimes we open up to someone away from the community where we live. If that would ever be beneficial to you, yes I would want you to know, but I have no specific expectation for you.”

The after concert party is informal but about as big as the concert. Carrie takes me aside and asks me to be one of the Foundation’s Boards. I express that I feel inadequate. “The school you attend is a Charter school with national and global components, the journey of your life has now put you in position to be a voice for young women and their children who have little to no voice on the world stage.”

I move into Carrie’s arms knowing this is less an honor than a responsibility. “Young lady you have already spoken to my heart. I believe you can help make a difference.”

“I hear you Poppa has left Florida but will be coming back to live with you and the Storms. That must be exciting for you. Much has changed for you, I feel for you. You are too old to be a daughter, yet you have come to life in my midst. You are becoming a beautiful young woman in so many ways.”

All I can think of is how beautiful Carrie is. Even if the lights went out I know her beauty shines because of the depth of who she is. “Carrie, is it ever hard to be so beautiful with such a beautiful voice that people might not really understand how beautiful you are deep inside?”

I can feel her hug and I think I feel a tear or two drop on me as she holds me close. “If you trust me, could I see your tears?” She let’s go of me so we can look face to face. Carrie is not fully comfortable with me seeing her cry. “I am sorry but I need someone I look up to who is real.”

To be continued...

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I’ve come to enjoy the young teenage girl I am and now there are even better reports: like my body is producing more of its own estrogen that supplements have been reduced. If they hold or get better it would mean my own body is making a normal amount of female hormones on their own. The disappointment is that I will still need to adopt to have children. It is strange to think of another boy making love to me, but it is becoming more and more a pleasant thought. Even the wish to have a baby feels natural.

Marcy has a new guy friend, she says he is not a boyfriend but I think he actually has a better chemistry with her. It is funny as Mack is a singer and Marcy and her best friend Deb are mentoring him as they’re becoming a musical trio. Mack has ability and gifts, but they need refining and development. They play in coffee huts and book nooks where someone might enjoy real quality music. I can’t say I am an old long hair fan of classical styles. It is really neat because it is more complicated and many can’t do it.

I am ten days away from singing at the Garden State Art Center up in Jersey. I had sent a practice disc to Carrie thinking she would be impressed. Jeanette sent me a hurried note back, “Get back to being you, Carrie doesn’t want you as an echo of her.” I now try to sing and imagine when Carrie would smile at me for being me. She sent me a sample of her rehearsing for “Sound of Music”. If it’s possible for me to be prouder of her I definitely am.

I asked to hear a complete disc of a song but Jeanette says, “No can do. Pirating of songs is so prevalent, they can’t take that risk.” Even when I get a practice disc I often need to sign for it to make sure it is in my hands.

The New Jersey concerts will be the last of my performing with Carrie for now. It is kind of sad and yet good. Carrie has a whole career she continues with. I would have to decide to become a performer if I continued. Carrie says I will always be a friend as well as on that board for single mothers. She tells me, “You might sing with me again sometime, but live your life and don’t hold your breath. I look forward to having you as a friend for a long time.”

Being in New Jersey with Carrie will be a big deal; it is like going home for Brice, the guy before becoming a bridesmaid. The hardest part isn’t even in seeing my dad and brothers. It will be Mom not being there. I hope she would be happy with me singing and being Brianna? I am lucky to have my new family and I know I am a Storm. I miss that Pop Pop will not be there.

Chad has become my boyfriend and I enjoy what he does to my body when he is around. He doesn’t have to touch me to do it, it just happens. I won’t say he hasn’t touched me but I haven’t let him get too far. Touching him is no longer disturbing, the idea used to send mixed feelings no more. The first time I pushed my hand into his pocket and surprised him. I thought it was funny when I got him to cream himself. I sent him home without saying goodbye to my parents. Marcy understood and we had a good laugh together.

Marcy told me, “Bri, you don’t have to do something for Chad to remember or like you.

Marcy helps me rehearse by accompanying me; she plays hitting different keys and with changes of tempo. Sandy even came over so I could practice with a baby crying. The hard part was we had to wait for Rose to get tired before she would act up. We all enjoyed her cooing, smiles along with visiting with Sandy.

Lacy and I enjoy double dating but Lacy enjoys dating around more than I do. Unfortunately, I might have gotten used to it. Chad was a jerk and just as I was getting ready to leave. It was yucky, worse than my monthly visitor which could happen as well.

Adding insult to injury, I have a major paper due while I am gone as well as my homework. Being part of a Charter School their expectations of students is a bit higher than I am used to. I will have a tutor at the concert but she won’t do the paper for me. She will insist on my studying and she’ll help me send it in. I wish singing was a sport and I went to a dumb jock school. Mom laughed at that idea, but all it did was to get her to tell the tutor “No way.”

We flew from Raleigh-Durham to New York City; I had the one-morning show and an afternoon program I needed to appear on. They said it was publicity to help sell tickets for the concerts; I hoped it wouldn’t scare people away. I had to sing one song each time with a recording of Carrie. It is not easy doing it with a recording. Luckily I practiced once and the program people knew to allow Marcy to signal me to begin to sing.

Marcy, Faith and I got some three hours to shop in the city and decided to shop the Fifth Avenue stores that we would not get to shop again. Trying on clothes is as much fun as anything, but not all stores seemed happy to have us come in. There were two shops where the salespeople went out of their way to be friendly and treat us well. I had decided to splurge and spend up to $800 dollars; sharing that with my sisters.

When I bought my skirt and blouse for over two hundred dollars it was not a big deal to the store but the salesgirl realized it was to me. Since Marcy and Faith both bought their stuff there, Jennifer our salesgirl was willing to sell me a special pair of panties for twenty-five dollars. She is right; they are special so I bought a pair for each of my sisters as well. That became extra expensive as Marcy reminded me I have a married sister, as well as my Mom.

Some people thought I was crazy getting five pairs of panties. The funny part I shared our big buy with Jeanette. When I talked to my dad and brothers I knew it was nothing to share. My Dad and brothers would be coming to the first concert and we would visit for breakfast.

I talk to my Dad once or twice a month, but this is the first time since I’m really a girl that they will see me. Dad is genuinely happy but kinda scared to hug me or kiss me even on the cheek. He does and during our visit, he’s getting more comfortable and enjoying our visits. Dan tells me, “Dad has been practicing the piano hoping he could play once when you sing.” I paused in surprise as it wasn’t until I was a teenager that I knew he could play at all. Dan tells me he is really good.

My oldest brother said, “Dad stuffed a lot of neat stuff inside when he became a dad.”

It shouldn’t have surprised me that he could play the piano and play it well; Grandma Grace was a great pianist and taught it as well. Dad didn’t quite select the best song for me, but says, “Your mother loved Andy Williams and Moon River.” It was neat to sing along with Dad at the piano. It was a healing moment as both of us; we were moved and touched at one time or another.

The first night of the concerts at the Garden State Art Center is electric. We know there are critics waiting to see how Carrie sings and performs with a New Jersey/New York audience. Some want her to flop, but they will be disappointed. Her fans are very present and with their help, she quickly wins the rest of the crowd over. She sings two songs from her time on American Idol which shows some breath to her music. Most of the songs are her hits, but she has chosen some songs of faith and classic ballads.

When she calls me up, the crowd delights me with applause. Carrie giggles, “You are starting to sound more like you are from the Carolinas.”

“I can say ‘Yous guys’ with the best of them. I like Springsteen, Whitney, Bonjovi, Frankie Valli, but there is something about Carrie and country that also rings for me.” Carrie’s accompaniment starts into Casanova Cowboy and I am in for the ride which we follow with Jesus take the Wheel and finally How Great Thou Art.

I didn’t realize we’re at intermission time when Carrie asks me to wait on stage and sing one more song as she introduces my dad as Uncle Charles. Needless to say, I sing Moon River and the audience was very nice in joining in with me as I suggested.

Near the end of the song, I see Pop Pop waiting for me as I walk off of the stage. The following two concerts along with singing with Carrie, I get to sing a medley of songs with Marcy accompanying me before Carrie comes back after intermission. I have a great time with Lacy and my sisters away from the concert. My now my cousins/brothers are happy for me, but I can tell they are uncomfortable with who I am. It kind of makes moving on easier.

I was surprised as I got called out to sign some pictures as well as a number of the programs after each concert. Some guys would even hit on me at the hotel, wanting a date, my phone number or to email me. There was at least one boy each night, who wanted to sit and visit with me or talk to me about problems with their girlfriends. I kind of wished I had more experience at being a girl, maybe then I would know what to say. Some of those boys said things I thought when I was Brice.

Mom Storm is right as my period came full force before the last concert was to begin. As a bit of humor, I was given a little purple heart-shaped pendant before I go on stage by Jeanette. The whole day is filled with many images flooding in on me. I’m thinking of my Mother and Grandmother and it isn’t easy to concentrate. I told Jeanette, “I’m not sure I can sing.” But Carrie still called me up and squeezed my hand as the music begins. Music is like therapy and the times I’ve practiced paid off and had given me enough confidence I could sing and make it through. “Jesus Take the Wheel” is like a prayer and anthem. I saw a young Mom and focused as I sang to her. She and I had talked before I went on stage and I knew she was comfortable with me focusing on her.

I got sassy with Casanova Cowboy, liking the feeling of being a girl not to be messed with. Carrie carried the song as we both went into the audience and picked on some guys. It was well received.

Carrie and I were singing our last song together and there’s a light on the woman next to Pop Pop. She is in my seat and I’m confused. Her clothes are not right; they’re old. She’s whispering to me but I can’t hear her or read her lips. The light shining on her dims and then she’s not there. Carrie gives me a hug as I’m to leave the stage, “Who was that woman with your Grandfather; she’s very proud of you?” I was glad Carrie saw her too.

When I got to my seat and asked Pop Pop; he told me he had not seen anyone. After the concert, I described to my Pop Pop and Carrie said she heard the woman from the stage. Pop drew out his handkerchief. “She told you she was very proud of you, didn’t she,” Pop asked? “It was a woman behind me and she sounded so much like your Grandmother I couldn’t turn around. She tapped me earlier on the shoulder and said, ‘I love Brianna so much; would you tell her that for me?’”

I fainted and had to lie down in Carrie’s dressing room until people were sure I was all right. I was glad Mom Storm was there. She, Marcy and Pop Pop all thought I should accept it as a mystery that meant my Grandmother knows about me. That and the news that Pop Pop was already moving back to be with us in North Carolina gave me warm feelings inside.

It wasn’t easy knowing I wouldn’t be singing with Carrie, but she and Jeanette said they’d see me in the spring. A concert was already scheduled for Duke University.

Dad was at the Concert and came to an after-concert party along with Pop. Dad gave me a small box that held some of my Mom’s jewelry and a few pictures of her and me. My Dad left early and we would not see each other for breakfast as planned. Grandpa said, “You look too much like your mother when she was your age in high school. Your Dad, like you, is still grieving; I hope you can appreciate that.”

I was handed a note, it was from Dr. Canfield, “Thanks for the tickets, we enjoyed seeing Carrie in Concert. We were taken with how you sang and how you are already an attractive young woman.” Jeanette told me Dr. Canfield said…

I got pulled away and was very angry but it was a newspaper reporter from where I use to live. She wanted a picture of me and to talk to me. “I kind of know your story, but it’s too unbelievable. There is too much information that does not exist. Please know I won’t tell about you. I just want to celebrate with you where you are.” My interview became a paragraph in a larger review of Carrie’s performance and an area girl who got to sing with her.

I got to swim in the ocean Monday morning before we headed home in a limousine. All the family enjoyed a chance to ride and talk. It was unusual for Dad Storm. I snuggled in his arms and slept much of the way home. Marcy told me I still talked much about the trip but it didn’t always make sense.

Monica, a new friend at school, asked me, “If it’s true that you broke up with Chad? I want to ask if you’re open to a double date Lance Rodgers.” I know Lance is a junior. He’s in my German class; it’s the second foreign language he is taking. He’s also in the drama club and chorus.

She’s looking for me at lunch and this time Lance is with her. He said hello in German and I didn’t respond except to say “Hi.” But I made up for it when he asked me for a date. “Ja, ich werde mit dir ausgehen.” Yes, I will go out with you. He smiled as Monica wanted to be sure I said yes.

He sat across from me and I was taken by his dark eyes. Since we had German after lunch, he asked if I would walk with him to class. We stopped by my locker so I could get what I needed for afternoon classes. Lance is a good looking guy at five foot eleven inches. He tells me, he’s a good runner. We both run cross-country and I missed a major conference meet as I was gone to Jersey. No one missed me as I am not good enough to figure in with the top girl runners. Lance makes a comment that tells me he has been watching me. “You know Brianna, if you wouldn’t hold your arms so high and stiff you’d be more relaxed and not tire so much during the race.”

“Do you say something like that to all the girls you date,” I asked?

“No, but as you see I’m not great in talking to girls. I only have brothers but you wouldn’t understand that.” I smiled as he didn’t know how much I, in fact, did understand. I hadn’t really dated as Brice; partly because I got tongue twisted when I tried to ask girls out.

“You could come over and help me with German, especially on a weekend. Then you’d be immersed in girl talk.”

Lance responded, “Is that an invitation? I’d like being friends and then date as we’d like to do something together.” After class Lance said, “I’d be happy to give you a ride home after school and that includes Lace if you want.”

Lance walked in the other direction before I answered. I said, “Yes”, I’m not sure he heard. Lacy was in my next class and excited about my news. She said, “He’ll wait to see if we come out toward the student’s parking lot.”

I asked, “How can you be so sure?” She smiled, “I have two cousins who would be happy to give you a ride home. Most of the sophomore and junior boys without a girlfriend know about this new girl.”

“So do you think Lance just wants to be one who dates me?”

Garner is a really good academic school and missing a few days means extra studying to do. The tutor helped, but two teachers tacked on more for added measure. American history is a bit different being in North Carolina. Even the American Revolution and independence are looked at differently. I’m not planning to get into arguments, but I might have some problems in the class. Mom already told me, Mr. Henderson was not a good draw of teachers for me.

Lance wasn’t sure what I said about the ride, but he was looking for us and happy to give us both a lift. First, we had a cross-country meet here before getting home. Lace is the good runner of the two of us and she figures to count as one of the runners for the girls’ team. I’ll pay for it tomorrow but I decide to break my routine and I’ll try to stay with Lace as long as possible. Since I’ll run behind Lacy I don’t tell her what I’m doing.

Once the race begins I relax my arms as Lance told me and take longer strides as coach has been telling me. Come half way I am less than ten yards behind Lace. I decide to keep my pace the next half mile. Usually, I’ve been slowing down around this time. My throat is dry, my lungs burn and my legs are getting heavy. But I ran through a wall and have gotten my second wind. There is a quarter mile left when I hear Lance cheering me. I’m sure I’m out of competition for placing but he is now personal. The time as I cross the finish line is two minutes faster than my best. Coach Janet cheers me as I’ve surprised her and being later in the season she’s thinking of next year as well.

Lance is there as well and holds me up encouraging me to walk before I sit down to rest. I know he’s right but I don’t want too. Finally, he needs to go and I can’t go any further. I flop down next to Lace. She finished ahead of me but looks better. She said she place fourth which is really good. But it also means I wasn’t that far from our fifth-place runner. Lace is really happy about my time and teases me, “Did Lance give you the incentive to run?”

The guys’ run after us and suddenly I know I’m rooting for Lance. I’ve recovered enough to walk over for the start and then took the shortcut to the halfway point with Lace. Lacy tells me, “Lance is ahead of his normal pace. It looks like you two are good for each other. Let’s hope late nights don’t rob either of you of your juices.”

“Quit that Lace,” I snap.

“Tell me you haven’t entertained the idea and I will,” she says looking to me for a reply. “I thought so, I hope you don’t mind be a red-blooded southern belle.”

We are back to the finish line and Lacy tells me, “Go walk down two hundred meters and make sure you encourage him to finish strongly. Let him know if he can catch the runner in front of him and tell him about runners behind him.”

Lance came into view running even with a teammate and another runner in a dead heat. “You two get running both of you need to place as best you can!” I want to encourage Lance, “Finish strong so I can give mouth to mouth.” Lance chuckled and then sped up two notches. Lance beat Greg by three strides as
Greg was only one stride ahead of the other guy.

I walked with Lance not realizing he wanted to hug me with his sweaty body. This afternoon I didn’t mind. We were walking to the country clubs locker rooms when I notice Pop Pop heading for the parking lot. Sorry, Lance, my Pop Pop’s over there and I didn’t even know he came to see me.

I ran and Lacy saw me and then my Grandpa. “Pop Pop, I didn’t know you were here. When did you come?”

“Chad and I came together. He was hoping to get back into your good graces,” he told me.

“I’m sorry Pop Pop, I didn’t mean to hurt him or ignore you. Why didn’t you let me know?” Lacy was now there and felt for the predicament. “I was just asked out by Lance today. Pop Pop do you believe in love at first sight?”

Pop Pop has a way of disarming things with humor, “Yes, for some it happens a number of times.”

“Dah Grandpa, I know this probably isn’t forever but it’s important now.”

Pop Pop opened his arms to hug me, “I know Princess and I’m happy for you. I just wasn’t expecting to see my granddaughter jump into a boy’s arms and…” Pop Pop was blushing for me. I thought it was sweet.

“Pop Pop can we have a ride home? We need to collect our stuff. We’ll be right back.”

Pop Pop apologized on the way home, “I’m sorry I came back early and forced you to share Marcy’s room again.” It was expected that Pop Pop would move back the weekend before Thanksgiving.

“But you wouldn’t have been to the concert in New Jersey or here now. Marcy’s living in her apartment most of the time with Christine. I told you I want you here don’t you believe me?” Lace chimed in, “Grandpa G, Brianna is really proud of you, she brags on you to friends at school.”

“But I’m an old fuddy-duddy, you left your new friend because of me.”

“That’s right Pop Pop, I really like Lance and I like you even more. You are my Fuddy Duddy. Unless you want to make me cry, you better stop talking like this,” I told him. Pop Pop stopped and made Lace and me both get ice cream sundaes. He still treats me like a little kid that he has to treat special. Neither Lace nor I really want to eat a lot of ice cream especially with toppings on it. But it’s part of what I love about him; he does so many little things for me and my sisters. I know he would like to be spoiling my brothers too.

Pop Pop and I have begun doing our family trees. I write Grandma Hurley, my Mom’s mother. I know she doesn’t understand why I want to be Brianna instead of Brice. I sent her a school picture of me but she says, “I want to remember your mother’s son.” The fact Mom approved of me didn’t change her thinking. She likes me doing the family tree and has given me information, but only with the promise that I won’t try to contact any of her or my grandfather’s relatives in England.

Mom Storm was upset I started dating Lance and seemed to give up on Chad. I told her, “I haven’t given up on Chad and I didn’t mean to hurt him. It’s just that I got asked for a date with Lance.” Mom only lets me go on a date once or twice a month. I told her these are the old days, but I was reminded they’re the rules of the house.

We went to a Halloween dance and I dressed as a Hooters girl as a ballerina. I had on the hot short shorts with a tutu around it. I acted as the big boobs worked against my balance which they would have if they weren’t mostly air.

This weekend I painted the rooms in Pop Pop’s apartment. There are still things to be done but this was something I could do. He was a bit particular and complained more than I'm used to. Mom told me, “You can get upset or realize he can be demanding at times. He isn’t going to change much. This is how he is when he settles in and stays for a while.”

I was able to get out and do some shopping therapy but I had to do it without buying anything. Monica and Lace both are close friends now and it isn’t unusual to have even more friends that come over or that I do things with. It’s like I have cross-country friends, friends from the chorus, school in general as well as the youth group at church.

I was over twice this week to see Sandy and Rose and her aunt. Her parents want her to come home, but they also want to adopt Rose. I am glad that Sandy is not moving back with them. The money people have given helps them to be able to do that. I take part in things at school but many things like who sings special songs or can represent the class or the school are already decided. Mom says, “You might get more opportunities to do things the longer you are here but don’t set your hopes on it.” I said it isn’t fair and she agreed. I complained but they chose a different girl and not me.

The next weekend we move Pop Pop into his room I’m getting cramps from my monthly visitor. I felt like crap, but I helped. I was glad Pop Pop was in a good mood. Dad was happy to have Lance’s help. I like that Lance and I are friends and study partners. Chad has asked me out again, but I told him to wait until after Christmas.

Thanksgiving and fall here are different, others say it has gotten cold but 60s are very cold to me. When they talk about the colonies and giving thanks Virginia is north to many and Boston is thought to be a liberal bastion. I didn’t see me as being liberal but I guess I am in some ways. I have learned it is not good to apologize for who I am.

Up in New Jersey, the leaves have fallen but here it is still green or golden. Mom, Faith and I went horseback riding. Lance would have gone but neither Faith nor I were allowed dates as it was a time with Mom.

I heard from Carrie and Jeanette and I'm supposed to go to a Board Meeting. Mom is taking me and Sandy and Rose as well. It is a good reminder that single moms have it kind of tough, especially the first Christmas when there are fewer things. Luckily Rose doesn’t know the difference. I gave Sandy an early Christmas gift of a gift card that she could use as she wished.

Making out a Christmas wish list is much different as Brianna. My first semester in high school is going well for me as I am getting mostly B’s. Mom and Pop Pop say I need to get some A’s if I hope to get a scholarship for college.

I was hoping for a good beginning to the holidays but I got a note from the school as Thanksgiving break began and as school let out. Mom was even more furious than I was upset. It was being asked that I prove I am a girl. Mom says, “Over her dead body.” Since I probably could pass the tests I wanted to protest but do the tests anyway.

Mom says, “It is not just about you but sets a precedent for the school that anyone could be challenged. You have already been pronounced to be a girl by several doctors with exams to back it up. If you subject yourself to more tests there is nothing that says you and others won’t be made to take other tests in the future.”

I said, “But Lance and others might be worried or think that their sexuality might be called into question.”

“Lance and others should accept you as you are. Someday when you are seriously involved with someone you might decide to tell them about your past. I think that person should know.”

“I will tell you here and now; I better not hear that you felt a need to prove to Lance or anyone else that you’re a girl. I am not naïve enough to think you’ll never do anything with someone you feel in love with. It just better not be to prove you are girl enough. I would ground you in a heartbeat and be very disappointed, do we understand each other?”

“But Mom…” Faith had come into the room and she said, “Bri, Mom’s right about both boys and about responding to things. It’s not the first time and it might not be the last.”

A few hours later I called Jeanette and my Mom had already talked to her and Carrie. Jeanette asked, “Would you would put Sandy or anyone else up to be challenged if they deserved help through one of our programs? Carrie says if you would you would probably be taken off the Board or given sensitivity training at the least. We want you to listen to your mother. We expect come tomorrow you will agree wither.”

It made me think of individuals who might feel alone when someone puts them down or challenges who they are.

Lance stopped at the house that evening; he obviously was in a fight. “Chad and I got in a fight with three guys. When they commented about us we were upset, but it was about comments they made about you that they wouldn’t take back that the fight began. Neither Chad nor I really wanted them to get out without a fight.”

Faith asked, “Did you win?”

“They said they were sorry, but…”

To be continued…

“Pop Pop, didn’t my becoming a girl ever surprise you; it had to seem warp,” I asked. “How about now me liking Lance, do you think that is wrong?” Mom is intentionally in the living room as I told her my conversation with Pop Pop might get a little weird and hard for us toalikee alone. I see her eyes perk up kind a like wondering how he could answer such a question.

“Your Mother said you’d probably ask or want to talk about it sometime to someone. She hoped she would be the one to do it and I wish she were here.” Pop Pop is quiet, trying to think what to say next or how to say it.

Then he saw Amanda’s wedding book to her parents and picked it up. He patted the seat on the couch next to him. I moved to sit with him. He found the picture of me being fitted for Bree’s Junior Bridesmaid’s gown. “You’re Brice here, though you look much like you do now.” He found a picture on the table of me singing with Carrie the first time and one from the night of rehearsal. “I was afraid I saw a little of Brianna at the concert, but at the rehearsal, I convinced myself it was just you helping out. It was like that all that week, but I kept seeing Brianna a little more. Never did I see what you did as being warp.”

“I called your Mother after the wedding, while you were still at the reception. Before, I could tell her why I was calling. She asked, ‘How is your Granddaughter doing?’ It was like she was expecting you to like it. ‘Dad’, she said to me, ‘It probably feels different for you, but please be supportive of Brice. It should be up to us to visit with him when you two get back home. And please bring Brianna’s gown when he comes home. I hope your friend Ruth won’t mind, but I think he should be Brianna until you’re ready to come home.”

I look to Ruth and she said, “If we hadn’t experienced Brianna blossoming I might have thought it strange. And had I not talked to your Mother, I might have been afraid you dressing as a Bridesmaid caused it. Now I know your more Brianna with some of Brice in you. Your mother saw you once exhausted and in a blouse with lipstick on; you were sleepy and on a couch. She said you were ten. She said she had been sick and she had just enjoyed a rare night of fun out. She said your father allowed her to hold her daughter that night.”

“That wasn’t a dream then?” I remember that I thought had been a dream.”

“She said when you were twelve you started to get into her personal things, trying to grow up as a girl. This June when her doctors saw you at Columbia-Presbyterian Medical Center, they agreed with her as well that you are becoming a young woman. Your mother was very happy she got to know you.” Mom Ruth got up, she was holding something in her hand as she went around behind me. “She told me to give you this when it was appropriate; at Christmas, if it had not happened by then.” She put a necklace around my neck and hooked it in the back as I picked up my hair. I went and looked in a mirror to see an ‘S’ pendant. “You know I love you as a daughter. Grandpa Will is family here too. Welcome Brianna Elizabeth Storm, you are wonderfully made.”

Mr. Storm later came into the room and he smiled as he saw my necklace. “I see your mother gave you your Storm necklace.” I thought that was a neat way to refer to it. “Yes! Yes! Daddy.” I gave him a big hug.

“Dad, didn’t you think it was strange that Pop Pop’s grandson became Brianna?”

He chuckled, “I’ve never really seen you as Brice; They said you were a boy, but even the first morning when you came down for breakfast you were in a nightgown and robe of Faith’s. So no, to me you’ve always been a girl, now you’re our girl.”

“Thanks, Dad,” I stayed snuggled with Mom and Pop Pop as we reminisced about the wedding and my first week as Brianna.

Dad said, “You even look like one of the Storm women.”

I am glad I have lost some weight as Brianna, it made it easier for my father to carry me to bed. The next day was to be special as Marcy would be home when I got home from school. It is always special when Marcy’s around. Marcy, Faith and I are to be staying over at Mandy and Richard’s home. Come morning Faith announced she had decided to go out with friends so it would be Marcy and me.

Mom drove Lacy, Faith and me to school, but she went in with me to the Principal’s office to explain we weren’t agreeing to the tests. Principal Brokaw seemed relieved that we were not giving in to the request for me to prove I am a girl. The Principal shared gladly, “The School is willing to stand with you, but we were hesitant to stand alone or just with interest groups taking one side or another.”

I was happy to see Lance at my locker after I was done with the Principal. “Hey Brianna!” he gave me a hug and kiss.

“You’re not to do that at school,” I said to him. “I thought, it was important enough I took a risk,” he chuckled.

We passed one of the guys he fought. It was easy enough to see that he too had been in a fight. But it didn’t interest me that he was beat-up more than Lance. Later that day when Lance wasn’t around Jay came over and apologized, “I’m sorry, Lance and I are usually friends. Plus my girlfriend (Sheri) is a huge Carrie fan and she said I would be a creep if I didn’t apologize.” I was happy to hear a person who apologized.

Sandy had called; she needed to get more and bigger baby clothes for Rose. I wanted to go shopping liking to shop for Rose. I was also pretty sure Sandy could use another outfit. I text Mom, she wasn’t working today. “Can you give me a ride over to Sandy’s after school?”

Mom insisted on driving us to the stores as well. Sandy has been talking to her Mom but continues to live with her Aunt. Mom and I are happy about that.

Sandy is carrying Rose in one of those pouches as she comes out to the car. She discretely nurses Rose before we get out of the car and go into the mall. I take to wearing the pouch and carrying Rose when we get to the mall. It makes it easier for Sandy to search for clothes. Sandy had twenty-five dollars which did not go very far. So much of it was window shopping till we understood what she wanted and what they needed.

It was after a snack that we went and helped by the other things. Sandy’s figure has changed from what it used to be. The clothes we got for Rose were good for the colder weather that was coming. Sandy tells us she will possibly be on the honor roll this semester.

Sandy says, “I’ve met a college boy who really likes me. He’s nice to Rose as well but my Aunt says he has to finish college and I have to finish high school.” He just happened to be at the mall. It was no problem telling what he liked about Sandy as his eyes went there too much for a guy who supposedly liked her as he described her for our benefit.

We were driving back to her place, when Sandy said, “My Aunt thought he shouldn’t come over more than once a week, ‘cause my grades had started to slip.” Mom finally spoke up, “It would be counter-productive to just agree with your aunt, but I think he’s mostly interested in your nursing breasts and to see if you’ll go to bed with him.”

“Mom,” I was surprised at what she said!

“Don’t mom me,” she said. “He was sizing you up as well. I wouldn’t mind knowing what his grades are. He didn’t talk any about college or what he planned to do. That seems unusual to me for a graduating senior. It was for Richard and Mandy.”

Sandy shyly said, “Well, he’s not fully a senior, but he expects the instructors will pass him so he can graduate on time.” When we were ready to leave her apartment she thanked Mom, “Thanks Ma, I guess I needed to hear that. I already kind of knew it, but it’s nice to have a college guy interested in me. He hasn’t got me to bed but it’s not because he’s not interested. It was just too soon after Rose and I want a commitment.”

It was the day after Thanksgiving when my Father came down from Jersey for the weekend. He’s accepting me Brianna, but I could tell he was uncomfortable. Pop Pop took us out to dinner Saturday night. My father and I were having trouble making any conversation between us with everyone around. It took a dance together to get us to open up. I asked my father, “Do you think I look like one of the Storm women?”

“You look very much like your mother; Pop knows that and said I should tell you. I’m not doing well with your Mom’s death.” He stopped dancing and was fighting not to cry as we hugged.

“It’s okay to cry.” But with that said, he stepped back and wiped his eyes. The emotions were again shut off.

We walked outside, “It’s probably good you’re here. I wouldn’t know how to raise a daughter. I forgive you for revealing yourself as your Mom was dying. I respect that your Mom said she understood and wanted you there.”

I was getting angry but was holding now my emotions in by not saying anything back. Finally, I said, “Maybe a year from now after we’ve each grieved Mom some more.”

It was agreed that I would be having a total Storm Christmas. If Pop Pop could have handled a Jersey winter, maybe I would be going.

My father was surprised I was now a good student. Brice hadn’t been very good with grades and showed more learning problems. Pop Pop and Mom insisted we have some pictures together. Sunday when we took him to the airport he relaxed as we said good-bye. He was taken by my hugging Lance as he walked away.

Pop Pop and Mom knew I had mixed feelings as my father left but they waited until Lance and I weren’t together. I wanted to go get a new dress before Christmas; Mom encouraged me to with for my birthday which is a week away. It was actually three days later Mom took me shopping for the dress I would get on my birthday. My dress was a nice red knit that looked Christmassy if I wore holiday jewelry. It would also be good for the rest of the winter. Mom thinks it won’t be enough in the cold of winter. Winter here isn’t very cold to me. It is milder than New Jersey which makes it possible for Pop Pop to live here with me.

I overheard Pop Pop telling Mom that my legs and hips were too pretty for the dresses and skirts I was wearing. I was glad when Mom said, “Grandpa Will, you need to accept your Granddaughter is a young woman now and that is normal. It’s not like she is being irresponsible. I am surprised however that she has quickly taken to a boy. It is not like she needed any prodding by her sisters or Lacy.”

It is fun singing Angels We Have Heard on High at the holiday concerts as Lance, others and I sing the first two verses in German, but everyone sang the chorus in Latin as is typical of the song. We practiced other holiday songs but we only sang three of them at the concert. We sang other holiday songs fitting for choir members of various religions. Mi Yamal-Who can Retell and Light One Candle, the last song by Peter Paul and Mary helped make the concert special for me. Three traditional songs were in the inclusive language, which I wouldn’t have thought of as special six months ago.

I had been asked if there was a Carrie Wood song appropriate for the holidays and I told them “Temporary Home”. The choir director said to me, “That is not what I meant?”

“I know, but it is one of her songs and it is good for the holidays or any time. There are many who have trouble singing around the holidays, we should remember them. It is okay if we don’t sing it; it’s just my choice.” It was early November when he asked and told me he did not have an arrangement for a girls chorus to sing. I text Jeanette and Carrie and within the week he received an arrangement of the song appropriate for the girls’ chorus with permission to copy for the performance and future use. Carrie had inserted, “It’s not just a girls’ and children issue.”

Once Carrie knew we were to be singing it, she had it inserted to several of her holiday or university concerts. I was one of three girls who sang solo parts for the song during the concert. I had a message from Carrie the morning after the concert. Marcy had sent a clip from the concert. “I am so proud of you Brianna that you chose this song for your holiday concert,” Carrie.

It was good to hear from her, but I thought I shouldn’t call and bother her. Marcy gave me a call at 3:30 that afternoon knowing I’d be done with classes. “Hey Sprout, are you having a bad day,” she asked? Then she asked, “Why I haven’t you called Carrie or Jeanette?” When I told her about bothering her she said, “You better call and explain yourself; Jeanette says Carrie’s worried about you and that is not good for tonight’s concert.”

She was in the Midwest so I expected she was finished rehearsing at their location for that night. I called Jeanette just in case. Carrie was happy to talk and I felt like a heel, is important to her. Luckily she understood. “It’s hard to be someplace new for Christmas, even when it’s a good spot. I can’t take away your tears but I can tell you both your Moms are proud of you.”

“How did you know,” I asked?

“I could tell in October your Mom was still close to your heart and I knew this Christmas would have its moments.” I didn’t know what to say, I was thankful but moved too much to talk. Lacy took my phone and let Carrie know, “She appreciates your words; unfortunately she will probably kick herself for not being able to talk.” Before she could hang up, I took the phone and said, “Thanks Carrie, I was trying not to put my problems on anyone. I'm still not used to these emotions that seem to be natural for the new me.”

“Remember Brianna, if you want to be a good friend, you need to let those friends into your life as well.” We were soon able to say goodbye on good terms. Jeanette wanted to know some good times to call me back and check on me. I knew they didn’t have the time, but that I’d hear from them anyway.

Lance knew I was pulling back from being a girlfriend since the accusations around Thanksgiving, but he continues as a good friend and my study partner for German which we have an exam in tomorrow. He was good to help me study as he was already ready for the exam.

Marcy’s home as her college exams were done and she's supposed to go out with Mack tonight. She might be staying home because of me. “Sis, thanks for calling Carrie. I talked to her and I am alright, so go out tonight and let me be a big girl.” She knew I was getting angry, but she was still worried about me. “What if Lance and I went out with you two Friday night? That should make you and Lance both happy!”

I had seen the outfit Marcy was planning on wear, so I went to her closet and picked out a sharper one for tonight. Marcy smiled, “Does this mean I get to pick your outfit Friday?” I retorted, “If it is as plain as the one you picked out yes, but I shouldn’t have to worry.” We both smiled and Marcy felt I was okay.

I continued to study after supper until 8:00 p.m. when Mom said, “That’s enough studying for tonight. I’ll ask a few questions from your study sheets before you go to bed if you want. Now you need to relax a little bit.”

Pop Pop had made some popcorn with butter, one of my favorites. When I asked for a small bowl he gave me a larger one, and when I complained. He said, “You’ve already lost too much weight.”

“But Grandpa I’m a girl and I want to lose weight.”

Mom spoke, “You reached your goal seven pounds ago. Your body is changing and you need to be eating to meet the demands of those changes. Just relax and enjoy yourself tonight.”

I tell her, “Mom, I’m going out with Lance Friday night.”

“When did he ask you out? He didn’t say anything when he went home before supper.”

“He doesn’t know yet. I agreed we would go out with Marcy so she wouldn’t stay home. I’ll get him to ask me tomorrow after our exam.” Pop Pop was amused. I sat next to him and watched television. Pop started to get ready for bed at 8:30. I knocked at his door went in to watch TV with him come 9 p.m. I was back out to visit with Mom by 10:00 p.m.

Tonight it was my chance to brush out my Mom’s hair and to do her nails. Mom looks very pretty for her early forties which she was amused about when I said it wrong. I guess her newly married daughter telling her she would be a grandmother next June had something to do with her being sensitive to being older.

I knew Mandy planned to be married several years before she got pregnant, but I guess she trusted Richard’s protection was enough. Mandy told Mom, “At least I graduated from college before I got married and had my baby.” Brushing Mom’s hair was like therapy. I could feel her relaxing. It was actually nice to be there for her in a small way.

But as I was doing Mom’s nails I realized she now had me confiding in her. She was happy that Carrie had called me and with Marcy’s prodding I had called her back. I even began to talk about my Mother which I tended not to do with her, only Marcy. But there were things only my two Moms had talked about. Plus Mom now could speak to about my first mother having been sick, and how she felt about me.

She told me about another time my mother knew I had been in her clothes. My mother realized I had rolled up one of her skirts pretending I had pretty legs and was another teen girl. Not only had I wrinkled the heck out of her skirt; she saw I had shaved my legs. I didn’t have enough hair on my legs to worry about. My mother used a scented shave cream for herself and she knew every time I shaved my legs this past winter. “Did you notice, I bought you the same shave cream to use here?”

I noticed but I thought it was just a coincidence. It was a help knowing my Mother knew more about me.

It was ten days before Christmas when I wrote on a Christmas card to send to my Father. I now think of him as Dad to Brice. My Father called me when he got the card and though we had trouble visiting we both were glad about the card and that we were talking.

To be continued…

Christmas was drawing near, and I was experiencing a blue as well as a bright Christmas. I missed my brothers and my Dad a fair amount, and it was my first Christmas without my mother who I miss every day. Like Grandma Grace, she is treasured, and I want to share so much with her. People keep reminding me she's there in my heart, ‘like I could forget’. But I wonder why I haven’t seen my Mom like I have Grandma Grace or sense her presence. I wonder if it means Mom is upset with me. Maybe she wasn’t accepting of my change as I thought. Everyone is happy and I don’t want to depress them with my problems.

I am so lucky to have Pop Pop here and being in the Storm family that’s enormous in my life but the swing between the blue of depression and the moments of joy I experience hurts. Mom Storm says it’s going to be a little extra special of a Christmas for me because it’s my first in their family. I will meet some cousins I haven’t met yet.

I know, I saw most of them at Amanda’s wedding, but they weren’t cousins then. I'm looking forward to making friends with Kayla and Renae. They’re both close to my age. Marcy tells me, “You’ll probably like meeting your cousin Trevor, especially if his friend stops over at Grandma Storm’s.” Marcy tells me, “Steve (Hart) is no special jock, but he’s a great guy. He’s taken with Faith, but she’s taken not interested in him.”

“What’s wrong with him that Faith’s not taken with him,” I asked?

Marcy giggled, “It’s mostly Trevor; he teases her too much and she has trouble liking his friends. But Faith is also taken more with sports guys.”

“So are you saying he’s a geek?”

Marcy smiles, “Smart yes but no geek. He loves computers I’m told, but not so tied to them. Faith’s friend Josie says he’s outgoing and into a lot of things.”

It was the last day of school before the Semester-Winter-Holiday break. Johnny had invited me to the dance tonight, but now is skipping out. His family is having an early Christmas away with his married sister’s family. He didn’t have the nerve to tell me until just now when he kissed me and dropped me off at home.

I ran into the house slamming the door behind me and I’m running to Pop Pop’s room when I see Trevor just quick enough to avoid running into him. Instead, I run into another guy with my books flying or falling to the floor. The guy and I became tied together as we fall. “Dam-it, this is not my day,” I yell! It was really a good day until the last few minutes. “I’m sorry but please get your paws off of me!”

I had a nice outfit on, but it might as well have been a mini-dress for all that was showing. I rolled off this guy and his eyes were glued to the edge of my skirt and all he could see. True enough, the top of my legs couldn’t have been but eight inches below his eyes. “What are your eyes glued on? Do you mind looking elsewhere?”

He leaned his head back and fixed his gaze on my eyes though he had to look up over my blouse. Mom comes into the living room, “What’s going on in here? Brianna was that you racing in here and slamming the door?” The guy offers to help me up as he rises.

I know none of it was his fault, but it was like someone was going to get my anger and he was in the path of the lightning. I am still upset as I shake my arms out of his hands. Mom is upset with me, “Bri, I don’t know what is up, but you apologize and get yourself together right now.” She wanted to yell but she didn’t.

I quickly gave an insincere apology. “I’m sorry Mom but it wasn’t my fault. Johnny just told me as he dropped me off he’s going out of town and not taking me to the dance!” I lifted my skirt, knowing I ruined a good pair of pantyhose that I put on new this morning. “Look at this Mom, I just ruined this.”

“Young lady, push your skirt down. You are no longer a little girl who can show herself like that.”

Trevor snickered, “Don’t worry Aunt Ruth, Steve and I don’t mind the slightest. We would have seen more if she was wearing a swimsuit.”

I'm used to a house of women except for Pop Pop who should be in his apartment and Dad who wasn’t home. This is such a reversal of the house I grew up in of all boys and men, other than my mom. “Mom, can I be excused. I want to go to Grandpa and get some sympathy and blow off some steam.”

“I’m not sure your Pop Pop can handle it if you explode with him as you have here?” Mom stares at me waiting for me to calm down and to look at her.

“First say hello to your cousin Trevor and introduce yourself to his friend. Please be nice about it,” Mom says.

The guy finally dares to speak again, “Hi, I’m Steve one of Trevor’s friends that live on this side of the Raleigh-Durham area. Trevor said you’re said to be quite spirited, very open, and up-front. I doubt this is quite what he meant, but I like what I’ve seen.” Mom and I both pause and look at him. “I didn’t mean that the way you might be thinking.”

I relax as I’m not the one now embarrassed. I look to Trevor, “I thought you were going to be over at Grandma Storm’s?”

“We’ve already settled in there and we came over to find out about the dance. Steve said there was one here but he didn’t know if outside guys would be welcome.”

“It depends if you go with someone you’d be more than welcome. If you two go alone, as long as you don’t ask to dance with someone’s girlfriend, you should be alright. Lacy, Sally, and I usually go to the dance together and dance with our guys. But tonight only Lacy’s boyfriend will be there. Sally is between boyfriends and you just heard about me. You could go with us but I’m not dancing with my cousin, even if we’re not blood-related.”

“Is that Sally Mohr, Lacy’s friend? I’d be more than comfortable being with her. I just hope Faith hasn’t poisoned her against me. And Steve was hoping to meet you anyway.” I looked at Steve, remembering what Marcy had said and finding myself liking what I was seeing.

I enjoyed going to the dance with Steve. He wasn't pushy or expecting anything special. I could believe how much of a girl I am tonight. During the first slow dance, I already knew he brushed his teeth and used deodorant. I wasn't pushing for a kiss, but it does take away the fun of a kiss if a guy has bad breath.

Tonight it was my chance to brush out my Mom’s hair and to do her nails. Mom looks very pretty for her early forties which she was amused about when I said it wrong. I guess her newly married daughter telling her she would be a grandmother next June had something to do with her being sensitive to being older.

I knew Mandy planned to be married several years before she got pregnant, but I guess she trusted Richard’s protection was enough. Mandy told Mom, “At least I graduated from college before I got married and had my baby.” Brushing Mom’s hair was like therapy. I could feel her relaxing. It was actually nice to be there for her in a small way.

But as I was doing Mom’s nails I realized she now had me confiding in her. She was happy that Carrie had called me though I wasn't home at the time. With Marcy’s prodding, I had called her back; I love talking to Carrie but I always fear I am bothering her. I even began to talk about my Mother which I tended to do only with Marcy. But there were things only my two Moms had talked about. Plus Mom now could speak to me about my first mother having been sick, wondering how she felt about me.

She told me about another time my mother knew I had been in her clothes. My mother realized I had rolled up one of her skirts pretending I had pretty legs and was another teen girl. Not only had I wrinkled the heck out of her skirt; she saw I had shaved my legs. I didn’t have enough hair on my legs to worry about. My mother used a scented shave cream for herself and she knew every time I shaved my legs the past winter. “Did you notice, I bought you the same shave cream to use here?”

‘I noticed but I thought it was just a coincidence. It was a help knowing my Mother knew more about me. But why didn’t she tell me she knew?’

It was ten days before Christmas when I wrote on a Christmas card to send to my Father. I now think of him as Dad to Brice. My father called me when he got the card and though we had trouble visiting we both were glad about the card and that we were talking. Mom Storm reminds me, he will always be my father. I acknowledge to her while I was hurt that he didn’t embrace me as Brice we both loved each other. I think she’s right that someday I will feel and remember the love more than the hurt. I appreciate that she doesn’t press me to get there right away.

Mom, Marcy, and sometimes Dad Storm are there for me allowing me to express what’s on my heart. I was able to keep my Christmas gifts for others over at Mandy and Richard’s place. Thus it is where I went to wrap many of them with Mandy’s help.

I have picked up some things as a girl, but until Mandy helped me, I was mostly thumbs when it came to wrapping and decorating gifts. I remember the curly cues my Mother had tied on Christmas gifts. She had even taught me how to do them but this year it was escaping me like my mother’s closeness. Learning to do it again and hearing Silent Night seemed to bring me closer to feeling her presence.

A few times I would think of her as I tried to sleep and the closer she felt, my eyes would fill with tears. The nights Marcy was home, she more than once knelt next to my bed in the darkness of the room. “It’s good to feel her close to your heart, doesn’t it,” she would say?

“But I begin to tear and when I do. I don’t like that” I tell her.

“Yes that’s called emotions and I guess Brianna would rather be the boy Brice and not acknowledge them.” I appreciate Marcy so much, she says things in a way I know I’m heard and yet in a way that I better understand.

“Marcy, you have a mean side that suggests that.” She lightly giggled and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

It was a rare winter storm that blew in a cold front and a half foot of snow followed within hours. It gave me enough time to get outside and to build a snowman. I didn’t need a white Christmas but I had been longing for a winter storm. The whole region stopped or should have. Two families of friends I knew had accidents sliding on the slick roads. I was for once glad I wasn’t driving yet. I did slip and fall in the wet snow. I didn’t remember noticing wet panties as I did now.

The worst part was Devon, a boy from school drove up and I wasn’t able to rush back in the house to change. He said he needed a girl’s help in picking a gift for his Mom and younger sister Karen, who was in my grade. She and I were friends though not too close. Our connection was she said her brother liked me. I then had set out to know him. He was rather cute in a handsome sort of way.

I wanted to go in and change but he insisted he only had time for me to ask permission and go with him. Mom was no help, quickly permitting me to go. “Make sure you call if you’re going to be later than five.” It wasn’t yet noon, so I thought it wouldn’t be a problem.

I knew what Karen looked like and could reasonably guess her sizes. Devon told me she was either a six or a size ten. I then knew it had to be a size six. He wasn’t sure about his Mom’s size, hair color, or complexion. I borrowed his phone to search for pictures of his Mom of which he had three. There was one of his mother and sister together and it helped a whole lot in figuring things out.

We were searching through the mall for over an hour. He was jumping from one idea to another when I mentioned, “It would have been nice if they had given you a list of what they wanted for sure.”

I was amused when he reached into his shirt pocket and produces lists from each of them as well as his mother’s suggestions for a grandmother. I knew Karen’s colors as well as her taste in clothes so it wasn’t hard to come up with an outfit she’d like. Devon told me, “She expects me to get a pair of designer jeans even though she’ll take them back and exchange them.” He went out on a limb, chose between two outfits, and bought one – a top and a pretty skirt. He bought a cute running top for his mother and I talked him into splurging for a 4th Gen MP3 MP4 Player FM Radio Video Music Player and to nestle it into the top’s pouch.

His mother had suggested a case for her grandmother to store quilts in. I had seen a wood craftsman in the mall and was sure he had quilt racks. The craftsman wasn’t happy and Devon wasn’t sure about the idea. The way Devon describes his grandmother having three quilts piled on a chair; I was sure it was something she didn’t have.

The craftsman had nice furniture and it wasn’t badly priced. The only problem I saw was he had too many items displayed that it looked like he hadn’t sold any. He laughed at my idea that he needed to sell something. “If you sell Devon that three rail quilt rack at a reasonable price, I’ll buy the padded footrest for by Pop Pop.”

It was fun as for once, I would have enough money to spend for Christmas. It wasn’t a lot but for me, it was significantly more. The man sold us at a reasonable price what we were wanting to buy.

I was very, very happy when Devon’s Mom was pleased with the quilt rack Devon bought and she assured him that his sister would be tickled to receive the outfit he had bought her. She even said we had gotten the right size and colors for her. As a reward for helping Devon in his shopping, Mrs. Hill invited me to stay for dinner and Karen soon asked if I could stay overnight. I confided with Mrs. Hill, “I had fallen in the snow earlier and my bottom has not been dry all day.”

She said, “How about a compromise as Karen doesn’t often have friends over. We will keep your Grandfather’s present safe here for you until Christmas Eve and Devon will give you a ride home to pick up the clothes you need for a comfortable stay over.” She smiles, “Is that okay with you?”

I knew my parents would be happy that I was making new friends. I’m sure Faith would vouch for Devon and Karen being good people to be with. I called Mom and I was right. I was glad that she insisted I be home by noon. She reminded me I had promised to take Pop Pop Christmas shopping.

When I got home to get my clothes, Marcy joked, “That was convenient a new friend invites you over and she happens to be the sister of a new boyfriend.”

“He’s not a new boyfriend yet. I don’t think I will mind if he becomes one.” I told her about my buns and panty being damp all day.

“I guess being used to the cold did not include a wet panty? That is when having a dry liner handy wouldn’t have hurt.” I lift a panty liner out of my purse, I was not fully thinking like a regular girl. She hugged me, “You are doing super Sis.”

I told her about the leg stool I had gotten Grandpa Will. She smiled, “I’d be happy to go in on half of it for his Christmas present.” I wanted to do it by myself, but I happily agreed. I am so thankful that they, before me, adopted Pop Pop as their grandfather. Marcy followed me downstairs, checking out Devon before I left. “You better be nice to my sister,” she warned Devon. He was amused and said he would.

Faith threw me my stuffed kitty, “You better take this to keep warm. Devon, Mittens is her security blanket so don’t tease her.”

Devon simply says goodbye to my parents and Grandpa. Pop invites him to call him Will. It was the first time I remember him doing that since he lived with us in New Jersey. I leaned over to Devon when he got into the car to take me back to his home. I kissed him on the cheek, “Thank you for being so sweet.”

“You know your sisters just saw you kiss me.”

“Yes, I know good and well, but it was solely for you,” I said. I tried to snuggle up to him with the seatbelt fastened behind me.

“If you don’t want to get on my Mom’s bad side; you better fasten yourself in the seatbelt. My Mom’s a stickler on that,” he tells me. Parking the car off the far side of the garage allowed Devon the privacy to give me a warm hug and kiss. “Thanks so much for helping me today, you’ve helped to make it a special Christmas. I hope you will allow me to take you to church if you go on Christmas Eve and that you’ll come over to our house during the holidays?”

I had already hoped he would think of something like that, but I had not expected him to ask already. “Won’t your girlfriend be angry,” I ask.

“I don’t have one, but I’m hoping too before Christmas.” With that, he kisses me, “I’d like you to be my girlfriend, but it might be good to wait until tomorrow to tell our folks.”

‘I really wasn’t planning or wanting a boyfriend right yet, but it feels alright to change my mind.’

When we went into the house I must have been glowing or smiling with a goofy smile. Karen quickly said, “You didn’t already ask her to be your girlfriend, did you?” Without a chance to answer she said, “We hoped she would be but you could have waited until tomorrow?”

“He only asked if we could go to the Christmas Eve service together,” I said.

His Mom was surprised, “That’s a first and something no other girl got him to do.”

“I didn’t, he asked if he could go with me,” I said. I was impressed.

His dad spoke, “Maybe now the other girls will let him concentrate on basketball.”

That made me think of Johnny who enjoyed basketball more than football. It could make it awkward being around the team with Johnny there. I had liked Johnny a lot but we had become mostly friends. I felt bad and hoped Johnny wouldn’t be hurt or angry with me.

I text Sandy before I went to sleep. We would have chatted but I needed to visit with Karen. Karen knew I was upset about something. We got up and went and talked to her Mom. “Mrs. Hill, you might be the wrong one to confide in, I don’t know. I wasn’t planning on being a girlfriend and I’m afraid it might hurt another guy’s feeling when he finds out.”

Mrs. Hill said, “You can call me Bev if you will. Regarding hurting a boy’s feelings, you better get used to it. I suspect in time you’ll break a lot of boys’ hearts. Along with being pretty, Karen says you are liked by many of the boys.”

Karen spoke up, “Most of the boys in our grade are hurt because you usually date upperclassmen.”

When we went back to Karen’s room we stayed up and visited until 3:00 in the morning. Karen was happy that she saw my breasts were normal and that I actually wasn’t the prettiest girl in our grade. “Karen, do you know how beautiful you are,” I asked?

“I wasn’t fishing for a compliment,” she said.

“I knew that, but being around Carrie Underwood. I’ve come to understand many of us discount ourselves. Some of us think you see yourself as Devon’s little sister too much. And you complimenting others so often, kind of discounts you. You’re pretty like your Mom and you are as likable as your brother. We wouldn’t want you to become conceited, but you are neat in your own right.”

After breakfast, I was wanting to go home, even though I also wanted to be around Devon. He had a morning basketball practice and I went home before he came back to his house.

Pop Pop wasn’t comfortable driving in the holiday traffic but he did well getting to and from the mall. I held onto Pop’s arm most of the places we went. It wasn’t always easy walking that slowly, but I enjoyed being with him. He wanted to spoil me for Christmas and he would. But it was Mandy and Richard’s first Christmas together and Pop Pop’s first Christmas in a home where he could stay with family. It was the first I learned he felt guilty loving this family.

My mother had gotten upset once with Pop-Pop and that was why he had moved to Florida. Mom’s reaction was really about a problem she had with her own dad. But it had caused Pop Pop to live away from us. Mom had pushed me to come to the Storm’s with Pop Pop for the wedding. She had felt bad because he and I had been very close.

I don’t know if I was just old enough to understand and be there for my grandfather or if I as Brianna was a better listener. I know as Brianna I am more comfortable with my feelings and not afraid to give him hugs. As Brice, I often stayed a distance from Pop Pop when he came back to our home. I had been so afraid of crying around him; afraid he would leave early.

Pop Pop has changed too, he is no longer unwilling to remember and talk about Grandma Grace with me. Sadly, he doesn’t have a lot of pictures of her. He wouldn’t say if his woman friends got rid of any of the pictures. He just said he wasn’t able to find them when he emptied his apartment in Florida.

Several times since he’s been back; I’ve needed to assure him I love being Brianna, and it wasn’t something he caused me to become. I don’t think the New York doctors or those here would have allowed the change to take place if they thought that.

Buying gifts didn’t take very long. It was our visit that took up most of the time. I had taken the gifts out to the car and we had lunch at one of the restaurants attached to the mall. “Pop Pop don’t you think it is weird that it’s just a half year and I have a boyfriend?”

Pop said, “Since the first time here that you mentioned your Grandmother, I’ve been seeing you as her granddaughter. I haven’t felt like I do about you since your Aunt Betty was in high school. I am sorry if you want me to think of you as Brice. …The only thing I could think of the other night when your friend Devon wrapped his arm around your waist was? She’s so beautiful and I like that boy for her.”

“I don’t want you two to date forever as I want both of you to go to college. But if you would come back together when you’re old enough and have your education; I wouldn’t be sorry if you two married.”

“Pop-Pop, you didn’t.” I became quiet, I couldn’t believe it. I just pictured myself as a bride and was sad because I wanted a better look at the bridal gown….

This year I will be tickled with my gifts as I can’t wait to twirl as I hold up a dress or something pretty. But it is the intangible things like my family, Pop-Pop, yes Devon, but especially Pop Pop, Marcy, Mom, and Lacy…

To be continued…