What happens when your eleven years old, told your a gadgeteer and that your going to be a girl. How would you deal with it? This is the story of Alex becoming who he/she will be. I hope you enjoy my first attempt at writing in public.This is a Whateley Academy Fanfic. I mean the greatest respect to those that inspired me to bring my writing to light.
Chapter 1
I had always been good with electronic devices and mechanical ones. When I was younger everyone made fun of me or left me alone because I had an affinity with the machines that they were barely able to program or use. I don't know why my mother left but I don't remember her at all, and dad well he was a right bastard. When he found out what I believed I was a girl, female. Well that’s when the beatings started, When ever I didn’t act man enough for him I got hit with what ever was handy. Be it a foot, a fist, or a household item. Finally when I was eleven years old the law became involved and I was placed in a foster home. That’s when the weird stuff started to happen.
I began to feel like I had a summer cold; you know slight fever and a stuffy nose, but enough to make ya feel like crap but not enough to put you out of commission. “God damn it”, I swore “this sucks, It summer and I am stuck inside nursing this stupid cold” Man I was pissed as any eleven year old could be at that age. “Hey, why don’t you try focusing on fixing this DVD player?” Annie said with a smirk. I grinned “You just wanna watch your movie again.” Annie shook her head as a smile crept on to her face. “Get to work kiddo, and I’ll get us some chocolate milk.” I went back to examining the DVD players’ guts. With in thirty seconds I knew what the problem was and almost had it fixed, just as Annie came back with our drinks. She did what I think was a double take and put the back of her hand on my forehead. “Hun, you look worse then you did five minutes ago.” Annie had a knack for understatement and I giggled a bit. “Yea just a bit Annie”, I quipped “your bedside manner has always astounded me.” This drew a good laugh from her as I sagged back into bed. “I need you to get a few parts from the electronics store and this thing will be better then new.” I was proud of myself, if I did this right and I almost always did, The DVD player would last for twenty years no maintenance. “Annie, I’m going to finish this chocolate milk then I’m going back to bed.” She looked at me and just nodded. “You look like you could use the rest.” She agreed. “Should I come get ya when we’re all ready for dinner?” I shrugged rolled over and pulled the covers up to my chin and threw a pillow over my head.
When I woke up I was in the garage with a wrench in one hand and an acetylene torch in the other. Annie was screaming “Alex, Wake up hun! I know you’re in there.” I started to look around and realized that the garage looked like a tornado had ripped through it. Bits of sheet metal, tools, and gutted household appliances were everywhere. In the center of all this was what appeared to be a reject robot from that space movie I saw way back when. “I…. I did this?” I asked Annie turning slowly toward her and watched in horror as she nodded “Yea, you did. It freaked me out when you came down stairs and just started taking stuff into the garage.” I started shaking and collapsed on the floor. The last thing I saw was Annie running over to me and screaming for Ben.
To Be Continued
This is a Whateley Academy Fanfic. I have the greatest admiration to those that inspire me.
Chapter 2
When I woke up, I was staring up at the ceiling it was egg white tiling that you see in schools and … omg hospitals. I knew I was in trouble and not the kind that I could talk or think my way out of.
I tried to sit up and wow did my head feel fuzzy and it felt like my chest wanted to keep going forward. I looked down and noticed the mounds on my chest, nothing to write home about as they say but they were there. That’s when it hit me, I was a mutant and I was now a girl. Darkness enclosed me once more.
“Come on Alex, wake up.” Annie said as she gently rubbed my shoulder. “I know you’re in there. Wake up sleepy head.” I squeezed my eyes even tighter and rolled over. That was a mistake. Annie swatted my shoulder “Open those eyes Alex” Annie stated in that way moms have of saying things you can’t refuse. Yea she’s not my real mom, but she was the first mom in my pathetic and pain ridden existence.
“Come on Annie just a few more minutes” I felt another swat on my shoulder a bit harder then the last. “Okay…. Jeez.” I grumbled as I rolled onto my back and slowly opened my eye. “gimmie a sec I got sleepys.” Annie and Ben were in the room along with a Doctor type standing near by. “Okay, I figured out two things already.” I announced to all in the room. “One I’m not a boy anymore and two I think I’m a mutant. Am I close?” Annie, Ben and the Doctor all nodded.
“Alex, I am Doctor Paul Vizion. I am a psychiatrist and I am also a mutant. Empath — 4 and Exemplar — 1.” The doctor guy laid it out so smoothly I had to think about it before it sank in. “From what I can tell your apparent gender is about change and that means you are most likely an exemplar” Quickly glancing at his clipboard, he got that look like when someone gets nostalgic. “It also appears that you’re a gadgeteer from the robot like machine you built in the garage, well you were manifesting as a mutant.”
“So let me get this straight I’m still a guy but I’m gonna turn into a girl?” I asked as I sneakily tried to check below the waist. Annie was quick to slap my hand, shucks I’ll have to check later.
“That’s correct at your current rate I believe you will be completely female by the time your thirteen.” Doctor P answered. “But first things first we need to get you registered and issued a temp MID before the MCO comes looking for you.”
I face palmed when I heard that, I have seen stories on T.V and the web about the MCO and disappearances. “That’s just frackin great!” Annie swatted me again “Watch your language Alex” I tried to give Annie the puppy dog look “Sorry Annie.” Ben just busted out laughing. Annie the doc and I looked at him. “Sorry, But Alex trying to give the puppy dog eyes already. It was just so hilarious” I giggled and rolled my eyes.
I hadn’t been this in contact with myself since I was six. I had to play this cool; I did want them to think I was a freak. “Hey, If I’m gonna be a chick I need to practice” I responded. Annie just eyed me as Ben chuckled and Doc P gave me the eye. You know the eye that says I know your hiding something. I quickly looked back to Annie and Ben. “So when do I get to go home?” I asked. “Well that depends on you and when your ready to do some basic tests” Doc P answered. “I tell you what, let me eat and get some sleep.” As I said that I repositioned myself into the sitting position. All the sudden I froze as I felt the scratchy fabric brush across my new friends. “Oh and doc can I get a softer gown this things gonna cause me problems.” I blushed as I said this. OMG I blushed? Oh boy or should I say Oh girl?
So folks, somebody kidnapped my muse and I have had a hard time writing. This piece is part of my attempt to find her. I hope you can forgive my shortness, I promise as soon as my mind is back on tack to expand upon this story and the other two I am currently working on.
Chapter 3
I was woken up by someone gently shaking me. “Alex, it’s time to get up and get started on your tests.” I opened my eyes a crack and wouldn’t ya know it there was Doc P. Uggh I thought to early for this crap “I know your awake, come get up and we’ll get some you some breakfast before I hand you over to the vampires” Doc P grinned as he said that. I guess he was trying to make a joke.
“Alright already, jeez it’s too early for lamoid bad jokes Doc.” I gripped as I rolled out of bed and padded to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and wasn’t to shocked by what I saw. My hair was already down to the back of my neck. I was shaggy before, kind of looked like a puffed out Q-Tip. Now it was longer and straighter, that I could live with. My lips looked more like a cupids bow now instead of the thin line I had before. I couldn’t tell but I thought my nose looked smaller. “What the hell!” I nearly screamed when I looked at my eyes. The pupil looked like a perfect five point star. The iris was this color of blue I had never seen, it was like blue ice.
I went to the bathroom and showered, when I went to grab the gown it had been replaced by a new pink gown. Ugh I said softer not girly. “Hey Doc P, what’s on the menu?” I asked as I exited the bathroom.
“Well, I had a friend of mine take a look at what I had assumed was a robot and it appears you were building a power suit.” Doc P said with a hint of admiration in his voice.
“huh, really?” I said kind of stunned and embarrassed that I did that to my foster parents appliances.
“I am going to apologize in advance, the testing facility we have is not exactly top notch but it will give us a base reading.”
Once I saw the testing facility, it left me with the feeling that mutant testing was not high on the administrators’ list priorities.
“Okay Alex, just get dressed in the suit over there.” Doc P said. “It is loaded with sensors that will help us determine your abilities”
“OMG…this was something I wouldn’t mind seeing on some of the girls I had seen in the skin mags.” I thought to myself as I shimmied it on.
“What’s through the door?” I asked trying to sound casual. I turned my back to him as I took off the gown and tried to figure out how to put on this skin suit for lack of a better term.
“Couldn’t tell you that Alex it would ruin the test.” Doc P stated the smile he was wearing earlier had evaporated. “I’m not trying to upset you, just trying to get an accurate as possible score” I nodded as I finished getting dressed.
“All right Doc, let get this party started.” I quipped as I went through the door. I looked around and noticed a lot of bowl shaped depressions in the wall, with what looked like holes in them. The thought of Oh crap, I am in for a world of hurt hadn’t time to complete when the first ball came out of the wall. Suddenly I felt like I was back in middle school dodge ball game. I knew in an instant where the ball was going and how fast, unfortunately my body wasn’t so quick. By the time that test was over I felt like every inch of my skin was covered in bruises.
“Okay Alex lets get a move onto the next test.” Doc P’s voice echoed in the room. “Please use the door on the left.” I didn’t say anything just moved as slowly to the door as I could, to buy some time.
“Alex this time I want you to lift as much weight as you can on this machine.” Doc P was pointing to a machine that looked like a cross between a weight machine you see in a gym and some kind of computer.
“I’m going to tell you right now” I stated as a matter of fact. “I probably can’t lift more then thirty pounds most likely.” I never was one for being strong, thinking was my specialty.
“Why don’t you try anyway Alex?” Doc P threw back at me, “Just for laughs.” I shook my head and got into the machine. Things went just like I expected, couldn’t lift more then thirty pounds.
“Let’s go to the next test area” Doc P said as he cocked his head to one side. “I think you like this one if I go by what your foster mother said.” I have got to say that he couldn’t have been more right. I mean wow so many different electronic devices and gadgets I could have died and gone to heaven if I wasn’t already there. “Okay Alex, lets see what you can do with what’s in here.” Doc P handed me a clipboard and a pen. “I want you to try and figure out if anything is wrong with these items and if there is fix them.”
It didn’t take me even fifteen minutes to do as he asked, plus I told him a few of them had things they needed to have replaced in order to work. I am not sure how I knew; it felt like I could feel what was wrong or what each device did. After that it was a series of tests on math, science, history, and English.
“Well that concludes things for today Alex.” Doc P said as I got out of the skin suit. He handed me some clothes that look suspiciously girly. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to go over to the dark side yet.
“Uh doc, these look almost like girls clothes.” I complained, but not to much. I figured I needed to put on a bit of a show otherwise my secret would be out. All the good doctor did was look at me and walk out of the room. Wow! What was his problem?
After I got dressed I looked in the locker room’s somewhat dirty mirror, I had to admit for having to be a chick I look pretty damn good. I think that scared me more then I wanted to admit to myself or anyone else.
“Alex, I think its time you talk to our mental health specialist.” Said Doc P, he has a look that told me I was supposed to agree with him.
"Come on Doc P, I don't need a head shrink" I said putting on the most annoyed face. "Dude I'll come to it when I get to it."
"Alex, with all things that you've been through don't you think you might need talk to somebody." Dr. P said looking slightly exasperated.
"Okay only if they'll get you off my back." I said shaking my head. "But if I do this, you guy get that power suit I was building for my foster parents house and bring it here." I don't know why but I just couldn't go back and face my foster parents again. I know they love me I mean why else would they keep me when everyone else threw me away, I am not sure when I get so attached to Ben and Annie. I just know I don't want them to see me like this right now, I don't think I could take it. I'm really not sure if I can deal with this change. I mean seriously, I was a runty little 11-year-old but still I will guy. I just have a knack for electronics and not playing sports. I knew I wasn't going to be a football player but geez turning me into a girl, hmmmph . I mean what is this some sort of cosmic joke. I sighed, I didn't know what to do. I mean here I am writing their elevator with Dr. P and I got girls jeans, girls top and a pair of sandals on. I was beginning to think maybe I should talk to shrink he was talking about me seeing.
"Doc P, I've been thinking maybe I should talk to this shrink of yours." I said as I shrugged my shoulders looking down.
"Alex, think that's a wise thing for you to do." Dr. P responded. "I know I have seen her a few times myself."
I looked at Dr. P little cockeyed and wondered why he would see her. He seemed to have it altogether me. I decide to ask, what could it hurt.
"Dr. P ummm...., Why would you need to see a shrink?" I asked as quietly as I could.
"First off she is a psychiatrist, secondly I went through some issues when my son was killed by mutant." Said Dr. P. with a grim look on his face. I wanted to ask more, I didn't know his son was killed by mutant. As far as I knew he treated me well and didn't seem to harbor anything ill against me.
"All right Doc P, she's a psychiatrist and I will talk to her for bit, but like I said you don't have to bring in what I built." I said leaving no room for discussion. "I don't know exactly what I built so far, but I know I am not finished with it."
As we wandered through the halls heading towards a psychiatrist and his I can help but wonder what it's going to happen to me. I wonder if Annie and Ben will accept me being a mutant, and would they accept me as a girl to? So far Dr. P and the staff had no problem with me being a girl. In fact it seemed like everyone is going out a way to be nicer to me.
Darkness wells within my heart, the evil that stains my soul and pervades my body. I am a freak of nature, or I should say an unnatural freak. My mother abandoned me within a year of my birth.
She sent me to live with my father, most likely in an effort to fix whatever is wrong with me.
When I was six I realized I was not like the boys and not quite like the girls. I decided to ask my daddy about this and thought he would be able to tell me what to do.
"Daddy, I think I'm different." I said to my father. I was wound up tighter then a slinky on a bad day or at least I thought so. He looked at me his eyebrows scrunched together like they ran into each other. I couldn't tell if he was upset or interested in what I had to say.
"Albert, what do mean by different?" He replied with a tone of curiosity. He stared at me expecting me to answer immediately. I felt a tremor pass over my body, slowly a warm wet spot appeared on the front of my pants. "You stupid fucker!" He screamed at me when he noticed what had happened. Like lighting his foot flew towards me. I flew back on the tiled floor of the kitchen and slid until I hit the wall. Slowly a pool of pee built up around me, blood was pouring from my mouth. My body shook with sobs as I cried, trying to ignore the pain I felt in my chest and heart.
"Get you stupid ass up and clean this mess up now!" my daddy ordered. Obediently I got up and started to take my clothes off.
"No, Stay in those filthy piss stained pants you freak." I stopped undressing and started to walk towards the linen closet leaving puddles behind me as I went. Suddenly I felt an explosion of pain in the back of my head, as I lay there on the floor i heard my father say "All of your mess you useless fuck!"
Later after I had cleaned everything up, I sat in my room clutching my stuffed lion. His name was simply lion, and he was my best friend. I had accidentally burned him once, on cold winter nights I used to set him close to the space heater that was set in my room. I would wait a while and then I would snuggle up with lion.
"Lion, what am I going to do? Daddy's not gonna like it when I tell him why I am different."
I looked at lion half expecting an answer. "No lion I can't run away. I have nowhere to go and there could me meaner people out there that are not as nice as daddy."
Things went okay for awhile then I would slip up and cause an accident or destroy something. I was punished each time anything went wrong. slowly the years passed and I thought that all family's were like mine. Fail to do as your daddy commanded and you paid the price. I failed daddy often enough. I think I must have been ten when daddy got a water bed. I got the job of turning the knob for the water. I felt needed and loved, it was the greatest job in the world because my daddy gave it to me.
Well, as expected I screwed it up royally. I didn't listen and turning the water on, at the wrong time. people got wet and I got punished. I remember it as if it happened moments ago. My daddy dragged me into my room which had dark brown tiles with lighter specks of brown sprinkled on it. My roomhad been cleared for some reason I cannot remember. He turned me to face him, then as if time skipped. His fist hit my jaw snapping my head back. I hit the wall and started crying.
"Get up you stupid fuck!" Daddy screamed at me. "What the fuck do you think I mean when I say turn it on or off? well?" Spittle was flying from his mouth, his rage etched in every inch of his face. I stared at him unable to answer for a moment, then without warning his foot hit my chest and I felt as if I was flying backwards. I stopped when I hit the wall.
"Jesus Christ! can't you fucking do as your told!"
As Daddy said that he walked out of my room leaving me to lay there in my own pee and blood. I coughed, reflexively putting my hand over my mouth. I felt something hit my hand and fall to my chest. Looking at my chest I saw a bloody tooth. That just made me cry even harder.
Later that night after bath time, I was drying off. I saw my chest in the mirror, it had a perfect copy of the bottom of daddy's work boot on it. This is gonna be hard to hide I started to think to myself, then something caught my eye. I thought it was a pair of my underwear sticking out of the hamper. When I opened the hamper to push them in I noticed they were my sisters strawberry shortcake panties. I quickly looked around me like a thief braking into a bank. The coast was clear and I snatched the panties and ran back into the bathroom. I quickly put the panties, stuffing my unwanted bits back in between my legs. I could swear I look like a younger version of my sister. I quickly threw on my underwear over it and finished getting dressed. Why am I doing this, I thought. If he catches me. I shook my head trying hard not to imagine what he would do to me.
I awoke the next morning with a slight panic as I realized I slept the whole night through wearing my sisters panties. Shit! how am I going to get rid of them before he finds out? I decided to keep an eye open for an opportunity to present itself since I wasn't the greatest planner. I got lucky and was able to deposit my treasure in the hamper before I was discovered. Today, we were going over to my daddy's girlfriend's house so she could baby sit me and my sister.
I loved these days, I think her name was Debbie. A nice blonde woman, she wasn't as tall as my daddy and could rest her head on his chest when they were standing together. I walked into her living room and went to sit on the couch to watch "Creature-Feature" on T.V.. I was kinda happy because it was Godzilla versus Mecha-Godzilla. When I sat on the couch Debbie tapped my chest to get me to sit back and I let out a squeal. I immediately put my hands on opposite shoulders, so to cross my arms and protect my chest.
"Hey baby you okay?" Debbie asked confused by my reaction to her tapping me. "Is there anything wrong." I shook my head to indicate there was nothing bothering me. Debbie gave me a doubtful look.
"Let me see you chest, go on lift your shirt." Debbie told me as she motioned for me to pull up my shirt. I didn't want to do as she asked and shook my head no once more. I had to protect my daddy. After all this was my fault not his, I made it happen not him. "Come on Albert let me see it." Debbie asked again slightly irritated.
"If your dad comes back and you're hurt and I didn't do anything I'd be in trouble, so could I please look?"
I nodded and realized I didn't want her to get into trouble not because of me. Slowly I lifted my shirt, exposing my chest to her. I heard a gasp escape her lips. I began to get scared and I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes.
"Please! Please don't tell anyone." I started pleading with her as hot tears rolled down my face. My vision blurred as if I was underwater. I began to feel as if I was drowning. Darkness wrapped itself around be and the world ceased to exist.
I woke up in the hospital, apparently I had passed out, Fuck!. I can't do anything right, daddy's gonna kill me for this mess. I wasn't a stupid kid just different from the others, maybe the doctors could fix me while I was here. I decided at the next opportunity I was going to ask a nurse if they could fix me. I didn't have to wait long a nurse came in a started checking me over. I looked in her eyes and tried to make her feel what I wanted to say. She cocked her head a little to the right and had a curious expression.
"You got something to say hon?" She asked. Her eyes seemed locked onto mine, I couldn't take my eyes off hers. I felt weird and kind of safe.
"I think I'm broken." I whispered to her. "something is wrong with me and I can't stop myself." tears were pouring down my face as I told her. Concern washed over her face.
"Okay first of let me introduce myself." She smiled as she said this to me. " My names Nancy, and I am a nurse here at All Children's Hospital's emergency room." She reached for my hand and took it into hers. "Why don't you tell me what's wrong and we will see what we can do. Okay?"
"Okay" I nodded at the same time I answered her. "I'm not a boy." She looked at me confused, almost as if I had grown a second head. She looked at my chart and looked at me, then the chart again. She shook her head and giggled for a second.
"Albert, according to your chart and your name I'd say your male." She paused looking at me a second before she continued. "Just out of curiosity, what makes you think you're not a boy?" She stood there with my chart in her hand a pen in her other hand.
Closing my eyes I thought about how I knew, an image began to take shape in the darkness of my mind. I saw a girl in a cute little spaghetti strap sun dress, colored in the most vibrant purple. I opened my eyes and faced nurse Nancy. I pointed to my head and said. "In here that's what I see. In my head when I think about myself I see this cute girl that seems to always have fun." I then pointed to my body, as tears began to well in my eyes.
"This isn't me, it's a mistake!" I cried as I told her my deepest darkest sickest secret. I knew I was wrong for wanting to be the girl I saw in my mind. I felt I had to be her or nothing would mean anything to me.
"I'm sorry you feel that way Albert." She said. I could see on her face she didn't care what I wanted or felt."You were born male and that's the way you're always going to be sweetie. There's nothing you can do about it."
She turned slowly walking away. She was writing something on the chart as she did, sliding the chart back where it belonged she walked from the room. I had a terrible feeling in my tummy that I had made a very, very bad mistake. Forty-five minutes later a woman in a nice skirt and peasant blouse walked into my room with a tan brief case. She was very pretty and looked
very happy with herself. I thought maybe I was wrong maybe they will fix me now and make it so I don't feel like I'm a mistake. Walking over to me, she offered her hand. I took it and shook her hand quickly.
"Albert, that's your name right?" she asked in a sweetly melodic voice. "My names Andrea Winters. I'm a child psychiatrist with All Children's Hospital." She smiled briefly when she saw my confused look. "I talk to children and help them figure out their feelings and thoughts. Psychiatrist are doctors for feelings and thoughts okay? " I dumbly nodded not really understanding. All I could see is hope that she would fix me.
She put her briefcase on the tray in front of me and opened it up. Andrea pulled out a couple of dolls made out of some soft material. One was dressed as a girl in a skirt and top combo. big black button for eyes and yellow yarn for the hair. The other one was dressed as a boy in black shorts with a red tee shirt. His eyes were blue buttons a bit smaller then the girl dolls eyes. Andrea turned to me and held out the dolls as if to offer them.
"Go ahead, pick which ever doll you want to hold." said sweetly. " I figured we could play for a little while then have a talk. Okay?" I shrugged, for at that moment all I could think about was being able to play with a real doll. I grabbed the girl doll and looked into her Button eyes pretending I was peering into her mind.
"Yes, this one please, and she says her names Alexandra." I smiled as I told her. "She's beautiful. I wish she was mine." I looked at her, giving her my best puppy dog eyes. The look on her face told me it wasn't going to happen.
"Sorry Albert, but no those are state property." she shrugged. "I wish I could but my hands are tied." I watched as Andrea picked up a large yellow pad of paper and wrote some things on it. I think it took her a couple of minutes before she put the pad and pen down. "Okay Albert, let's play a game." I looked at her with half a smile, my lips seemed to form the perfect cupids bow.
"What kinda game?" I asked eager to begin living through my doll.
"Well Albert, firstly I want to explain what a good touch is and a bad touch. Okay?" Andrea said, it made me think there was something she wasn't saying. I simply nodded my head. "You see there are certain places on your body people should not touch until your an adult and only with your permission. Do you understand Albert?" Again I nodded to what she told me. I was beginning to think she thought I was really, really dumb.
"Okay, as we play I'm going to talk to you about a few things, okay?" I looked around the hospital room to see if anyone was listening.
"Yea, I guess it's alright." I said shrugging my shoulders. Then we started playing with the dolls. Andrea spoke in a gruff voice for her doll, it sounded so funny I started to giggle. Five minutes later the questions began.
Jane wants to be free she wants to live her life. Will those around her help or hinder?
August 1st;
I’m writing in this diary to leave something of myself behind when they find my body. Yes, I know it’s a morbid thing to say, but hey it’s the truth. You see as I figure it nobody in this city likes me or even wants to tolerate me. You see I am transgendered, according to the church goers I am an abomination that needs to be exorcised because they think I am gay. The local meat heads A.K.A Jocks, well they just want to beat me senseless. The nerdlingers, what can I say they leave me alone and pretend I don’t exist. The other girls most treat me like I was something gross and beneath them and school hasn’t even begun for the year.
“Mom can’t you just home school me or something?” I asked my mom with a pleading voice. I knew it was useless but I had to at least try before I was committed to the charge of the light brigade.
“No, Jane we discussed this with your therapist.” She replied “You need to interact with your peers. You need social skills to get through life you can’t hide in this house forever.” I looked at her with the biggest puppy eyed look I could muster. She just shook her head at me and put her hands on her hips as she gave me a concerned look. “Look honey, you made it through the summer just fine. I’m not going to lie to you Jane, schools not going to be a cake walk. You’re going to have some rough times, but we will get through this together.”
“I know mom, I know” I said as I put my head down on the dining room table with my chin resting in my hands.
August 15th;
Well, it’s getting to closer to school. I don’t know what I am going to do. I am definitely not looking forward seeing all the kids I used to go to school with, but mom refuses to move us to another school district. I don’t know, maybe it’s because mom really believes I need to face my fears. She thinks that by doing so I will be a stronger and better person. I talked to my therapist about it and he said pretty much the same thing. I swear they are conspiring to make this harder on me then it already is in order to make me this better person they keep talking about. I know who I am all I want is for people to accept me and get on with their and my lives. I’m not hurting anybody or anything; I’m just trying to be me.
Mom did tell me that every thing has been cleared with the school system. They are gonna let me use the girls bathroom as long as I am on my medications and they get a copy of the blood test results every month.
“Sam, hey Samantha wait up.” I called out “I need to talk to you.” Samantha slowed down so I could catch up as she gave a quick look over her shoulder at me. The butterflies in my stomach felt like they were doing the two step all over the place. I am not sure if I can do this I thought to myself.
“Samantha, can we talk for a minute?” I asked in a whisper. “We need to talk about school.” She stopped and turned to face me, a questioning look was on her face. I knew it was now or never, I just had to tell her. Sam, otherwise know as Samantha had been through just about everything with me. She’s a bit of a tom boy, so didn’t really mind hanging out with me. We played barbies to just about any sport we felt like. We always spent our summers together, but not this summer. I think she felt a bit put out about it. I had to explain it to her before I lost her forever. This was gonna be tough, especially since I was in boy mode.
“Sam, I want you to know somethings.” I said “First off, I need to tell you why I haven’t seen you this summer.” She looked at her left eyebrow raised in question. I had a sudden idea, I would ask her to come to my house. “Sam, the best way I can explain everything is at my house. Could you please come over to my house?”
“Yea sure, what ever you got to say better be damned good. You’ve left me alone all summer and I think you owe me a super good explanation or I’m dropping your ass faster then hot potatoes.” She kind of smirked at the last part.
I stopped Sam at my door. “Before we go in promise me you and I will always be friends. Oh hell, I think of you as a sister I never had. Promise me you won’t freak out and run away. Okay?”
Samantha gave me an odd look as if I’d grown a third arm or a second head. I took a deep breath and opened my door. I squeezed my eyes shut and hoped for the best. It felt like an eternity as I waited, then I heard a sharp intake of breathe. My stomach twisted up in knots.
“Wait a minute; this can’t be your room. I know you’re a bit girly, but this can’t be your room.” Sam said in a voice that squeaked with wonder and anger. “What did your mom adopt a girl so you could have a sister?” I almost fell to the floor as my knees tried to buckle on me. I felt like my world was collapsing in on itself.
“No, Samantha.” I said my voice quaking. “It’s my room, the reason I was avoiding you was because I discovered I am transgendered.” My words hung in the air as I waited for her to say something, apparently the butterflies had decided on building a condo and minimall inside my stomach. Sam turned and looked at me like she was trying to piece it all together.
“Okay, let me get this straight.” Samantha said slowly. “You’re a girl inside?” Looking at me like she was putting together a thousand piece puzzle that needed a little more time. I opened my eyes and nodded yes to her question. She went over to my bed and sat down. Looking at me she patted the bed indicating she wanted me to sit. “I think we have some things to talk about. Yes?” Again I nodded.