Chapter II - Open House

Since Kendra and I had our talk on Wednesday, Saturday came very fast. Open house at Gamma Delta started at noon, and lasted until ten. So I had ten hours to look around, and for sure make up my mind. The thing is, why did I have to be born a guy? I have never thought like a guy, never played rough sports like a guy, never drank alcohol to excess (that is, I never got drunk), like a guy, and mainly, I don't even look like a guy. My voice could pass as female, as well as my movements. So why couldn't I pledge my mother's sorority? I was going to find out tonight. It would be so cool to be a Gamma Delta, because even though they have cheerleaders there, they also have girls from every academic structure, physical body, and ways of thinking. In other words, Gamma Delta Phi isn't just for the cheerleaders and beautiful bombshell girls, but for all girls who pledge to be a sister. When you're in high school, you hear things about sororities, and that the girls are just out for one thing. But being here since the last week in August, I have seen that the Gamma Deltas are a real sisterhood. They do things for each other, and once when I was looking toward the house, I could see one of the girls studying with another.

I took my shower, and patted myself dry with one of my very thick terry bath towels. I put on some body lotion and powder, and got dressed. I made sure that I put on a little perfume as well. Where did I get all of this from? I brought it with me. My mother didn't know I liked to dress as the girl I wished I could be, but once asked me who the girl was that wore such pretty perfume. I guess I had put a little too much on, and she thought I was out with a girl, when only I was at the movies alone. I made sure that all of my clothes that day were unisex. I looked around to see if I had forgotten anything, and then grabbed my keys and headed for Gamma Delta Phi. If Kendra was right, I would find out if I could pledge as a sorority sister in my mother's house. But then I may not find out right away, though.

I wanted so much to be a Gamma Delta, that I didn't notice I was walking right in their front door. Lilly was the greeter today, and she was also a pledge. She was my height, and had very soft angelic features, even for a girl. Her wide blue eyes, and those pearly teeth just made you comfortable right away.

"Welcome to Gamma Delta Phi. I'm Lilly, and here is a booklet telling about our house for those who wish to pledge."

I guess she had to hand everyone a booklet, but she never said anything about that I was a guy. I took the booklet, and went in and started looking around. I noticed that I was one of the first ones to arrive, and Kendra came over.

"Hi Jean, I'm glad you decided to come. Welcome to Gamma Delta Phi, where learning is fun in more ways than one. Later on we are going to have a surprise for you, but for now though, I want you to meet the pledge committee. These five girls decide who pledges, and who is put on a waiting list, and who just won't fit our credo. If you are allowed to pledge, and you are accepted by the pledge committee, then there is serious shopping we need to do for your wardrobe. Of course you have to pay for everything, but it will be worth it. Come on, let's meet the committee."

I was taken over to a table where five of the Gamma Deltas were sitting. They saw me and smiled. One of them even decided that I was cute. Not in a guy to girl thing, but cute as a girl. That made me feel right at home. They explained their pledge procedures, and what a pledge had to do in order to become a full sister. Julie was really nice, and she explained that if I were to pledge as a Gamma Delta sister, I would be required to dress, and act like a lady at all times, even when we weren't at school, because many of the alumni are business professionals, and we want to show them that we are above petty jealousies. We were pledged to be ladies forever.

They had refreshments as well, and when I turned down an offer to have something to eat, I noticed knowing glances between Kendra and the pledge committee. Kendra had to have told them about what we talked about, or just mentioned in passing that there was a guy on campus that looked just like President McMillan, and maybe should be allowed to pledge. I think that is why Kendra talked to me on Wednesday, to find out if I was actually related to one of their past presidents. When mother knew I was going to be a student here, she couldn't stop talking about how it was when she went here.

She was always telling me to make sure I was above being petty, and that I never turn down anyone who needed scholastic help. She always reminded me that I was a McMillan and in this state at least, that really meant something. Not that she was being petty, or conceited, but she just wanted me to know that I had a legacy to follow, not in being a sister in her sorority, but just being her son. Son??? Well maybe physically, but that is where the resemblance to any son ends. Another thing just crept into my "slinky" brain, as Kendra called it. My mother's name is Jeannette, and my name is Jean. If she didn't want me to be her daughter, then why am I named after her?

The open house was going very well, and I met most of the sisters. Just as I was getting a cup of juice, I heard my mother's voice behind me.

"Hi Jean. Are you going to pledge Gamma Delta?"

"M-mother, uhm h-hi. I was j-just invited to the open house by Kendra."

"You know these open houses are designed to recruit pledges to the sorority. Are you going to be a Gamma Delta Phi girl?"

"M-mother, uhm w-what are you talking about? I'm just here..."

"To pledge. Honey, we need to definitely talk. Come on, let's get something to eat, and sit down and talk." We went over to the buffet table and got a little something to munch on, and we found a place where we could talk. "Jean, you do know that you can't pledge Gamma Delta Phi because this is a sorority for girls, and you're not a girl. Haven't you found a nice fraternity to pledge?"

"I haven't tried, mother. I was just wanting to pledge my mother's house, and thinking how unfair life turned out for me. The legacy of the Gamma Delta Phi women in our family ends with you, because I'm a stupid male. But I know if I pledged here, I could fit in, because I am so much a girl deep inside."

"But you're still a boy, well a man now, and men just don't pledge sororities. Men pledge fraternities. Now I'm sure you can find a nice fraternity that will be to your liking. I think we should look at all the possibilties before you make a decision."

"I think I would rather be alone, than be in a fraternity. Most of the fraternities on campus do nothing but drink and swear, and then there are the ones that are scholastic specific, and then there are the ones that do nothing. I haven't looked at them to pledge, I just see how their members act around campus. But the Gamma Deltas aren't like that. They have a code they follow religiously, and that is what I want. To be a part of something that means something. Mom, please, can't I pledge Gamma Delta somehow?"

"Somehow? Well maybe there is a way, but I don't think you're going to like it much."

"What would I have to do?"

"I'm not in favor of you pledging Gamma Delta, but if you are set on it, then there is a way, but it is permanent, and cannot be reversed. Do you want to know what that way is?"

"Yes, and I even told Kendra that I would do anything to be able to pledge Gamma Delta Phi. I meant that too. So, what is the way that I would be able to be a pledge of my mother's sorority?"

"You have to become a girl physically. You would have to have an operation, and you would have to take estrogens to develop like a woman. It is your decision, although I can tell you that I am not in favor of it. You were born the way you are for a reason. But..."

"What reason, mother?"

"Well I don't know, but there is a reason for everything, and being born the way we are has a reason too. But if you have your heart set on being a Gamma Delta, then you have to become a woman, physically. But understand that even though I may disagree with your choice, I will still love you, because that is what being a Gamma Delta is all about. We set ourselves above petty things and selfish intentions. If this is what you truly want, then you have my support."

"Mother, I don't want to disappoint you. I want you to love me as the girl I am, just like you love the son you think I am. I just have this ache in my heart to be a Gamma Delta."

"All right, this is your decision then?"

"Yes mother, it is."

"Then the first thing we will do, is make an appointment with a therapist to rule out any mental illness, or sexual confusion on your part. Once the therapist clears you mentally, then we can go to my doctor and get you started on hormones. Once you are on hormones, you will be required to live, dress, act, go to school or work, like a female. They call this the real life test. After a year or so, the doctor who will do the surgeries, will make an initial appointment, and then everything falls into place from there.

"Yes Jean, Kendra told me of your wish, and I had to make sure that my child is one hundred per cent sure this is what he or she wants. I think from now on, we will use the feminine pronouns. But just remember, even though the Gamma Deltas are not a stuck up clique, they do have a credo they follow. This credo was first established by the original founders, and it still holds today, as strong as ever. If you knowingly violate this credo, the result is to be expelled from the sorority. You wouldn't dishonor the sorority that way, would you?"

"No mother, I would not disgrace the Gamma Delta Phi house, where you are a past president and well respected too. I know that Gamma Deltas are not supposed to be petty or selfish, but we have to be to a degree. I mean, like when we expect each other to obey the rules of the house, and to help each other, and others if we can. Yes mother, I will want to have the operation to become physically female, and not just to pledge Gamma Delta either, but because this is who I am deep inside of me."

"Tell me, Jean, just how long have you been a girl 'deep inside'?"

"All of my life mother. I knew when I was very little who I am. I knew there was something wrong when I found out I have a different body type than other girls. I wore your clothes when you were working, or just out for a few hours. When you gave me a catcher's mitt for my ninth birthday I just accepted it, but inside I was screaming for a doll, doll clothes, and a doll house. When you gave me boys pants, shirts and under things, I was screaming for a dress, and girl's under things. Mother, I have been so sad, that there were times I thought how nice it would be if I weren't alive any more. Then I wouldn't have to inconvenience anyone, or embarrass them, or make them angry at me. I just figured that if I can't be the girl inside of me, then I'd just rather die."

Mom gave me a hug, and I could hear her start to cry. "Honey, don't you ever leave me like that, ever. There is nothing we can't work out, one way or the other. Do you understand?"

"Yes mother, I understand."

"No matter what it is that is bothering you, come and talk to me. That's what mothers are for. But promise me, really promise me that you will not take your own life. Promise me." She was saying this through fearful tears that I just might take my own life. But I told her that I promised never to take my own life, and I also promised that whatever was bothering me, I would come and talk to her about it.

"All right, Monday we will see the campus therapist, and see who she recommends for you to see. I would want it to be someone off campus."

There were other girls there to pledge too. They were told about me, and they said they didn't care as long as I acted the way I said I was. In other words, act like a girl and a sister. I was ready for that, for anything actually. The rest of the evening, mother and I spent it talking to other sisters and pledges. Everybody was just buzzing that they could pledge Gamma Delta Phi. One of the pledges was looking at the pictures of past presidents that line the stairwell. She noticed mother's picture, and wanted to get "a few pointers" from her.

She went over to one of the sofas, and sat down to talk to the pledge. I went outside and sat on my bench that I always sat on. After a while, Kendra came out to talk to me.

"Jean, are you all right? I saw you come out here, and wondered if anything was wrong."

"Nothing is wrong, at least I hope nothing is wrong. Why didn't you tell me my mother was here?"

"That was the surprise I mentioned. I goofed, huh."

"No, that's all right. She wants me to see Addie on Monday, to see who she recommends as a therapist. So I guess you did okay."

She gave me a hug, and went inside. A little while later, mother came out and sat down next to me. We talked about the evening, and how I liked the house and the sorority as a whole. I told her everything was fine, and that if they would let me, I was looking forward to pledging Gamma Delta. Mother walked me back to my dorm, and we talked about things on the way. She gave me a hug, and told me she loved me, and it didn't matter if I was her son or her daughter.

I went into the dorm hallway, and to my room. I must have been really tired, because the next thing I knew, it was morning. I got up and got my clothes for the day, and went to take my shower. The communal shower was half way down the hall. Nobody was in there, so I turned on the shower, and started to wash all over. After I rinsed off, I heard the door open. Two of my dorm mates came in. One of them was saying something about a dance next week Saturday. I let them finish what they were doing, then stepped out of the shower and patted myself dry. I put some lotion on, and powedered down, then I got dressed.

Mother called to say she was on her way, and that we were going to spend the day shopping. She wanted me to have the best clothes money could buy. I was surprised. Mother told me she didn't approve, but would support me in any way possible, if this was my decision. This is my decision, and my goal in life. But mother had to have a plan, because the clothes I have now will need to be replaced in a year, because of my development. Unless of course I could have implants, then my dresses and tops would fit perfectly. But I read where sometimes, the estrogens help development a little beyond the implant stage.

Mother called to say she was waiting in the car, and I got my sweater and left. We spent the whole day going from shop to shop, and mother bought all new clothes for me. Did she know something I didn't? Mother wouldn't be buying me women's clothes, unless Gamma Delta was going to let me pledge. I just couldn't contain my excitement any longer.

"Mother, does this mean that Gamma Delta Phi will let me pledge?"

"Let's just say that Kendra called me to tell me that you wanted so much to pledge the house where I was a sister and past president. I didn't know what to think at first. To tell the truth, I was shocked to hear that my son wanted to join a sorority, and not just any sorority either, but the sorority that I pledged and was president of. Then I started thinking. You never were all that crazy about doing guy things. Everytime the guys would come over, when you were in high school, you would think of some reason not to play ball, or go "girl" watching, or anything else a guy would do. Everytime we went to get you clothes, you were more interested in girls clothes than guys. I just put it down to that you were looking for something for a special girl I didn't know anything about. If I had known you were looking at those clothes for you, I would have had you see a therapist a long time ago. But the caterpillar is coming out of her cocoon, and she is going to be beautiful." Mother gave me a hug, and we entered the first shop.

Ladies Of The Evening specialized in evening gowns, ball gowns, prom gowns and dresses, as well as semi formal dresses. I saw a really nice lavender semi formal. It was made of satin, with a chiffon overlay. I tried it on, and it fit like a glove, so mother let me get that one. There was a rose colored gown, that ended at my ankles. This was very pretty, and mother bought it for me. Then mother bought two prom dresses, that I could wear for homecoming, and prom. But prom was two years away, because I was only a freshman. But I would be able to go to homecoming though. Not to mention the school had dances throughout the year too.

The next few shops we went to were for lingerie, shoes, and a couple of coats. One shop that we passed had a really nice dress in the window. I stopped to look at it, and mother told me if they had it in my size, I could get it. This dress was a powder blue, and had a scoop neckline. I tried it on, and it came a little above my knees. Mother paid for it, and said I had a good fashion sense.

We stopped for lunch at Denny's, and mother asked me how I was enjoying the day. "I love shopping mother, I always have. Give me two thousand dollars, and turn me loose in a mall," I giggled. "I swear I would try to buy out the store." We both giggled. Then mother took me back to my dorm, and I took a shower, and got into my pajamas. The next morning I was feeling very rested, and happy that the sun was shining, and the robin that had her nest in the tree outside of my window, hadn't gone south yet. I had heard that some robins, like the sparrows, stay all winter. After my shower, I got dressed as androgynous as possible.

As I got my books for class, and started out of the door, mother was standing there. She reminded me that we were going to go see the campus therapist. I told her I was ready.

We went over to the ad building, and asked to see Addie. The receptionist wanted to know if it was an emergency, mother said yes. The receptionist never asked what it was about, because that was what the therapist was for. We were directed to sit down, and wait, and she would announce us. Addie was your new world type of therapist. She only said people were mentally ill after she had spoke to them for about five or six months, and they actually were mentally ill. She was a beautiful woman, and she could have her pick of any man on campus, or even off. But she was a lesbian, and had a significant other. We were called into the office, and directed to sit down.

"Hi Jean, Mrs. McMillan. Please, have a seat. What can I do for you today?"

Mother spoke up first. "Jean wants to be a Gamma Delta and feels that she belongs there because that is where I pledged."

"Jean, how long have you wished to be physically female?"

"Forever, Addie. It isn't fair that I can't pledge my mother's house. When mother knew I was going to school here, she told me stories about how she was a Gamma Delta in college, and was even proud that she was a past president too. But there is something more though. I have always felt this body was wrong somehow. I wasn't quite sure what was wrong, but this body didn't feel right. When people called me a young man, or a good boy, I wanted to throw up. Addie, my mother says she will support me and love me as long as I live. I just need a little correction to make me whole."

"You do understand Jean, that if you go through these changes, they are permanent. They cannot be reversed to make everything work like they do now. Do you understand that?"

"Yes, I do. I have always wanted to be female, and I will do anything possible to be physically female."

"Mrs. McMillan, what are your thoughts?

"Well, while I may not totally agree with Jean's decision, it is hers to make, and she is my child. I will love Jean forever, no matter if she is male or female. Who would you recommend that Jean see for a therapist?"

"I can see Jean. As long as Jean is a student here, I can see her twice a week if necessary. Now Jean, we will have to have these sessions twice a week, so I can get to know you a little better. That way I can rule out any mental illness, and send you to see a doctor I go to. She is wonderful with transgendered people. Do you think you can see me twice a week?"

"Yes Addie, I can."

"All right then, it seems we have a date. I will see you for your first session on, let me see now, how about...Friday. I am booked up for the week but I have a four thirty on Friday. Also, this will give you a chance to settle in at Gamma Delta. I'll talk to Kendra and see if she can sway the pledge committee."

"I was at the open house, and the pledge committee told me what I have to do to be a full sister. They weren't put off by my body type, and were very nice. So I think they will let me pledge, I just have to let them know."

"Then what are we waiting for? Let's go talk to the pledge committee," Addie was very electric in her words. I think she was actually excited that Gamma Delta would let me pledge.

Addie, mother, and I went back over to Gamma Delta Phi and knocked on the door. Kendra was in class already, but Vickie, a strawberry blonde, with wide blue eyes answered the door. When she saw mother, she was immediately subdued.

"P-President Mcmillan! This is really an honor, ma'am. Please come in and have a seat, while I get a committee member." She went off into another room. Shortly another girl came out by us.

"Hi Jean, did you make a decision?"

"Yes Sandy, I did. I told my mother and Addie that I would like to pledge Gamma Delta Phi."

"You do realize you are going to have to make some changes to your body."

"Yes Sandy, I know I have to, and mother and I have talked about this at great length. I don't make this decision lightly. This has always been my dream, other than being physically female. So yes, I want to pledge Gamma Delta Phi."

"Why Jean, that is really great," another voice behind me spoke. It was Kendra, and she was all smiles. "I knew I was right about you the first time I saw you sitting on that stupid old bench. Sandy, when can she move in? I will accept responsibility for her while she is a pledge."

"She needs to come before the tribunal like everyone else. She has to tell us why she wants to be a Gamma Delta Phi sister, and how she can benefit the sorority. Understand Jean, this is not a selfish thing, but everyone who pledges our house, goes before the tribunal. You are going to be mercilessly grilled as to your reasons for wanting to join our house, and what can you do, and what will you do to benefit the Gamma Delta Phi sorority. To us, you are just another girl who wants to pledge here. We accept all pledges, and we weed out the ones we feel cannot or will not benefit our house. The past members of this house can tell you, that we follow our credo well into the business world. It is our duty to show people that being conceited, or selfish, petty, or just out and out nasty, is not where it is at. We do by example, and we expect our pledges to learn our credo by heart, because when your pledge is over, is when they bury you. Even though you will be a full sister in thirty days, you never stop being a pledge, because being a pledge is a learning experience, and we never stop learning. We don't have a secret handshake, we don't have secret passwords, and we don't slink around the house at night. If we want something from the fridge, we simply walk like a lady and go and get it. But you will learn the rules, and our credo by heart well before the thirty days are up. What do you have in the way of feminine clothes?"

"I have three skirts, two dresses, a few pairs of levis for women, all of my underthings are women's, and I have two pair of women's shoes, one pair are runners, and the other is a pair of pumps with two inch heels. I also have a couple of dresses for like homecoming, or prom, or dinner or dances."

"Good. That's a start. Kendra will take you shopping on Saturday, but you can move in today. As of right now, you are a pledge of Gamma Delta Phi Sorority. In a bit we will go before the tribunal to see when they can give the once over, so to speak.

"Thank you, Sandy. Kendra, mom, will you help me with my things? I need just a little help." Kendra and mom were only too happy to help. Addie just smiled, and never said a word during the whole time we were there. I think she was just seeing what I was going to do.

Kendra, mother, Addie, and I, went back to my former dorm, and packed all of my things. We would come back later for the computer, and other incidentals we couldn't carry over. Gamma Delta Phi was not that far actually, from the dorm. When we got to Gamma Delta, Sandy and a few others were waiting to help me carry things in. We made one more trip to the dorm, and we had everything out of my room. My roommate never knew I moved out until he got back from class, and saw us taking the rest of my things.

"Hey Jean, you're leaving?" Paul asked.

"Uhm, I pledged Gamma Delta Phi yesterday, and they said I had to move in today."

"You actually did? Wow, I'm really impressed. How can I pledge a sorority?

"You have to have a sex change, and you have to behave like a lady at all times. Do you think you could do that?" We all giggled at Paul's expense.

"No, I like being a guy.

"I told you that I always felt I belonged there. So I pledged the Gamma Delta house yesterday, and I have been accepted. I have to go before the tribunal yet, but that is just a formality. I intend to be a Gamma Delta Phi woman for the rest of my life. My mother is a past president there. So, I am following in her path. Being a woman is the best thing in the world, and I will be the best woman I can be."

"Jean, you be whomever you want to be. That's what's so great about this country. We have the right to be whomever we want. Good luck Jean, I hope everything turns out good for you there."

"Thank you, Paul. You take care too." I gave him a hug, and we left with the last of my things.

"Why did you give Paul a hug before we left?" Addie asked as we walked back to the Gamma Delta house.

"I don't really know, Addie. We've been friends since we were ten years old. It was better than a handshake.

"That's the way a woman acts, when they are leaving someone they know, like a lover, family member, or just acquainted with. What I saw today has convinced me that you are genuine in your desire not only to pledge Gamma Delta Phi, but to be physically female. I will do what I can to make sure that happens, as soon as we can. The operation of course, won't be done until you have completed the real life test. Until then, I know a doctor that can remove the testes, and invert the penis. You will actually look like a girl there. Mrs. McMillan, do you have a family doctor that can prescribe hormones? Or would you like me to call my friend who works with transgendered persons all the time?"

"I think that maybe we should try my doctor first. Jean knows her very well, and may be more comfortable than with a stranger."

"All right, let's get you settled in, and then we can go back to my office. I will give you what is called a carry letter. If anyone doubts that you are transitioning, just show them that with your ID, and tell them to call me. But I don't think you will have a problem. The carry letter is just a safeguard."

We put everything in it's place, and then after making sure that is where I wanted it, we went back to Addie's office. Addie typed up the carry letter herself, and signed it. Because I looked like a female, and my voice is still high, Addie didn't think I would need the carry letter at all. Mother said we should go to see Dr. Burns. She was about the same age as my mother, and had reddish brown hair. She always wore skirt sets or dresses to work, and she had a very infectious smile. Dr. Roberta Burns, MD OB/GYN just happened to be in, and we were told to sit in the waiting room, until we were called.

We waitied for about a half an hour, and then Dr. Burns told us to come in to her office, and motioned for us to sit down. "Well Jeannie, what can I do for you today? You're not pregnant again, are you?"

"No Bobbie, thank God. Jean has been accepted as a Gamma Delta Phi pledge, and she also wishes to transition into a physical female. We talked with the campus therapist, and she gave us this letter." Mom gave the letter to the doctor.

Dr. Burns looked over the letter very carefully, then she sat back in her chair. "Jean, I have just one question, dear. What took you so long to make up your mind? Jeannie, I have been expecting this for quite some time. It isn't anything Jean told me, it was the things I saw Jean do when I came over to your house. These things weren't necessarily feminine, but the way Jean was doing them was. I kept this to myself, because I didn't want you to think I was trying to tell you how to raise your child. I'll copy this letter, and put it in your file. I will prescribe fifteen milligrams of estradiol, one hundred milligrams of prometrium, and one hundred milligrams of spironolactone. The spironolactone is a water pill, as well as a testosterone blocker. So when you start taking it, you may find yourself going to the bathroom a lot. The prometrium is a progesterone, and mainly helps develop the breasts. The estradiol is the main estrogen you will be taking to take the place of the testosterone. Tell me Jean, would you like to have the testes removed as soon as possible?"

"Yes, I would."

"Then the estrogens I give you will work a lot better, because there won't be any testosterone production. The estrogens will be free to do their thing, as we say. I can set a date for next week Saturday, and we can do it right here in the clinic. I will let you go back to the sorority house Sunday night...on second thought. Do you have any classes on Fridays?"

"Yes, I have ... no, actually I can make up that assignment because it isn't a term or mid-term. So all I need is a signed excuse by you, and my professor will let me make up any work I need to.

"That's good. Because after I remove the testes, you will stay here in our recovery room for a couple of days, just to make sure there is no infection. Then you can go back to the Gamma Delta house. Did you know that I am a Gamma Delta Phi sister too? That's where your mother and I became close friends."

"No I didn't know that, mother never told me."

"Well just so you know, we will do whatever it takes to make sure you succeed as a Gamma Delta Phi woman. All right here are your prescriptions, and I will call the pharmacy to make sure there won't be any problem."

"And Jean! Always act like a lady."

"Yes I will, and thank you Dr. Burns."

"Oh! Just call me Bobbie. We're sisters now."

"All right, thank you Bobbie."

"You are very welcome, young lady." We had a group hug, and mom and I left to fill the prescriptions.

The pharmacist is a woman, and a very good friend of mother's too. She was wearing the pink ribbon with the Gamma Delta Phi Greek letters. Her name tag said Mandy (that is short for Mandalena), and she has really sun yellow, blonde hair, very big, round, blue eyes, and a smile that is very infectious. I gave the prescriptions to her, and I just had to ask.

"Uhm Mandy, are you a Gamma Delta Phi alumni too?"

"Yes I am, those were the most wonderful days of my college years. Dr. Burns called me, and told me you had pledged our house. I am so proud of you, Jean. Dr. Burns also said we are having a kind of impromptu meeting at the house on Sunday, so the girls will know what exactly is going on. There are some I bet, who don't know exactly why you are being made an exception to the rule, that only girls pledge the sorority. We will clear all of that up on Sunday, and then next week Friday you will have a small medical procedure." She was filling the prescriptions as she was talking, and then she rang up the fee, and mom paid for them. I had three Gamma Delta alumni sisters that were going to help me through the difficult times, and there will be difficult times.

Chapter III - The Pledge

I went up to my room, and my roommate was just getting ready to go out. She looked absolutely stunning, and I couldn't help but remark out loud, what I had been thinking.

"You're very beautiful. I wish I could look that good."

"Oh Hi. You're Jean, right. I'm Lily. Listen, when everything is completed, I hope you can look like this too. But looking at you now, I have no doubts that you will be beautiful...you're beautiful now." We hugged, and she welcomed me to the Gamma Delta Phi house. "Kendra told me about you, and I think it's great that you can openly be proud of, and show others who you really are. Anyway, I gotta run, I'll be back late, so don't worry when you hear me come in. One thing you will find out is, we do have a curfew, but as long as we act according to our credo, the officers of the house kinda look the other way now and then, if we're a little late. Well, settle in, and I'll cya later." She actually seemed to bounce out of the room. She closed the door, and I was left to my own devices.

I was very tired from the day's activities, so I got ready for bed. I went to the closet, and took out my rose baby doll. The shower was down the hall a bit, so I got my baby doll and went to take my shower. I lotioned and powdered down, and put on my baby doll, and got in to bed. I was sleeping very soundly, because I didn't hear Lily come in. When I woke up to my alarm, Lily was already coming out of the shower.

Lily was about the same height as me, and she had nice raven black hair, and fair skin, as well as pearly white teeth. She was native American, and was nice to get along with. Or so I was told.

"Hey girl, you were really out last night," Lily said as she continued to towel dry her hair.

"That was from all the activity I did yesterday. After you left, I was so tired, I just took a shower and went to bed."

"So what's your major?"

"Psych with Dr. Hinckle and Dr. McClellan. Dr. Hinckle is nice, but kinda old too." We both giggled. "I like Dr. McClellan tho, she seems very nice too."

"I can see we're going to get along just fine. By the way, that desk there is yours, and you already know we have one stupid closet in here. I was looking at your dresses, they're very pretty. I wish you wore the same size as me, then we could share. But at least this way we won't get our clothes mixed up with each other's either. I gotta get ready for class. I have three classes every day; two in morning, and one in the afternoon. Have you gone before the tribunal yet?

"No, Kendra said today. I have class today also, so I think I'll see the tribunal this evening, when everyone is here."

"Could be. I gotta run Jean, cya later."

I got my clothes for the day, and decided on my calf high boots that mother had gotten me, after we left the shoe store. I wonder sometimes if mother telling me she didn't agree with my decision, was just a put on, or not. Because she certainly was going out of her way to make sure I had the necessary clothes, and was happy. I could see it in her eyes, that I was able to pledge the house where she is a past president, and still well respected.

I put on my robe and slippers, and went to take my shower. I took my underthings, powder and lotion with me. As I washed, I thought about the last few days. Wednesday Kendra talked to me, Saturday I went to the open house, Sunday I went shopping with mother, and Monday we talked to Addie, and I moved into the Gamma Delta Phi house. Everything was moving fast, maybe a little too fast. Kendra said I would see the tribunal tonight, and they would ask me questions about how I could benefit Gamma Delta Phi. I wasn't worried about how to answer them, it's just I was physically a male, with a female soul. Would I run into any resistance from anyone on the tribunal? I met the pledge committee, but I didn't know if any of them were on the tribunal. Maybe, maybe not. But I was going to make them see that I belonged here. Besides, I was allowed to move in, and that means maybe I have been already accepted, and they just want to see me as a formality. Maybe.

I turned off the shower, and patted myself dry. I put on my lotion and powder, and then my underthings. Just as I was tying my robe around me, and gathering my things, another girl came in. She smiled at me, and went about her business. I left the bathroom, and went to my room to get dressed. I looked at the clothes I had picked out, and decided to change the skirt set for a dress, but I kept the calf high boots. After I was completely dressed, I made sure everything was straight and in order, and I left for class. I actually had four classes though. Two in the morning, and two in the afternoon, but my major was psychology, because I wanted to be a psychologist or even maybe a psychotherapist like Addie is. Either one.

I will not go into the lectures in my classes, because they are boring at best. What I will do is concentrate on my being able to pledge my mother's house. My classes are over by three o'clock, and the tribunal will meet at seven. I had until then to rest, so I set my alarm for six thirty, and fell asleep. When the alarm went off, I woke, cleared the sleep from my eyes, and went downstairs. I was immediately surrounded by all the girls of the sorority, and then I was called into the sitting room. There were three women sitting on the settee. When I came into the room, I was directed to please sit down.

"Welcome to Gamma Delta Phi, Jean. This is a tribunal to find out just why it is that you want to join our sorority, and how can you, and what will you do, to benefit the Gamma Delta Phi sorority. You can tell us in our own words, your own way.

"Well, one time I was going through my mother's closet, and I happened to find her yearbook from when she went here as a student. I saw her name in several pages, the debate club, various charities the college is involved in, as well as being a Gamma Delta Phi sister, and past president. When I asked her about this, she told me a lot of stories, and said those were the best years of her life. I started thinking how great it would be to not only be physically female, but to be able to be a member of the sorority my mother belongs to.

"What can I do to benefit Gamma Delta Phi? I can be helpful in educating. I am transgendered, and I will have a procedure that will make me look female, physically, until I can afford the actual surgeries. Because I am transgendered, and because there is little that is known about how each individual transsexual thinks, and feels, I can offer some insight as to how I feel, and think about certain things. This would be a learning experience for the entire sorority. I..."

"How do we know that you aren't just saying this to get into our sorority to have sex with the membership?"

"You don't know that, because you don't know me. Because of your question, I can also see you don't know anything about transgendered people. My being able to pledge Gamma Delta Phi will help you and the other members, see that we are just normal women, in abnormal circumstances. Such as this stupid body, and people judging us by what they see, instead of getting to know who we are in our souls."

"But we can get to know all about transgenderism through the library and classes. Why would we need you to educate us?"

"Because it is like in law school, or medical school, you can learn a lot from the books and lectures, but you don't really know it until you get in the field and practice what you've read and heard. This is going into the field so to speak, because I am a living being that can show you how really feminine male to female transsexuals really are. The procedure I talked about will make me look female in every aspect, and no one will know the difference except the doctor, and those in Gamma Delta Phi. Well, and of course my mother too, as well as Addie."

"All right, one other thing then. Will you ever act in a manner that is insulting or compromising to Gamma Delta Phi?"

"No. I would never disgrace Gamma Delta Phi, because that would also be disgracing my mother and the essence of womanhood as a whole. I have great respect for my gender, and I will do everything that I can to make sure I act appropriately."

"Saturday we are having a dance at the Sarah M. McKinely Arena. Do you have a formal or semi formal gown?"

"Yes I do."

"Good. Do you have a date for the dance? You cannot come unchaperoned."

"No I don't have a date yet, because I didn't know about the dance. But I can try to get one."

"Sister Jean, please stand and take the oath of Gamma Delta Phi."

She said the oath and I repeated it, and when we were finished, she said one more thing.

"Sister Jean, you are only a pledge for the next thirty days. You will be accepted and treated as any other girl here. If we see that you have kept your word, you will be a full sister, entitled to all of the priveleges of the sorority...however...if we find that you have in any way, acted contrary to our credo, or in any manner contrary to being a lady, both on and off campus, you will be terminated from here. Do you understand these rules, oath, and conditions?"

"Yes I do."

"You may go about your business then. There is one thing though. We do not have any secret handshake, or secret passwords, and we do not haze our pledges either. We are ladies, and we take that very seriously here. When your thirty days are over, and we see that you have been what you say you are, then you will be a full sister. Good night Jean. By the way, my name is Lydia, and you were already voted to pledge by the tribunal before you even came in here. But we had to be sure from your own words and conduct, if you were serious. Again, welcome to Gamma Delta Phi.

I left the room in a state of euphoria. I was accepted at my mother's house as a pledge. I was a lady, and will make sure I act like one. I like Gamma Delta Phi because they are not stuck up, they are not a clique, and they are not boorish either. It will be so good to finally be able to be me. But what lies ahead though? I have to find a date for the dance on Saturday. Very short notice, but women know how to get these things done in a hurry, if we have to.

I immediately thought about Paul. We have known each other since we were ten years old. I wonder if he would go to the dance with me. All I could do is ask, and all he could do is say yes or no. I called my old dorm room and told Paul I needed to see him at the commons. He said he would be right over. I had to call him, because my old dorm is now off limits to me, because ladies do not go unchaperoned into a men's dorm. I met Paul at the commons, and at first he didn't recognize me. I had to tap him on the shoulder before he could actually see me.

"J-Jean? Is that really you? I mean, please sit down." I smoothed my dress under me as he pushed the chair gently under me. "Wow, you're a fox in those clothes."

"Uhm okay, so are you over your shock now? I have something very important to ask you."

"Jean, we have been best friends since we were ten years old. What is it you need me to do?"

"Gamma Delta Phi is having a dance at the Sarah M. McKinley Arena on Saturday, and I need to have a date, because I can't go unchaperoned to a dance; it isn't lady like."

He took my hand in his, "I would be only too happy to accompany you to the dance, m'lady. Let us say around sixish?"

"Sixish it is. I'll be ready by sevenish." Where did that come from? I know women are supposed to make men wait a bit, but this just came right out.

"I will be there at six anyway, Jean. A lady as beautiful as you should take her time getting ready. The dance starts at eight if I'm not mistaken. Let me buy you a sundae."

"Oh, no sundae for me, Paul. Too many calories, but a soda would be nice."

He went to get the sodas, and I could see he was smiling all the time. There was something in the back of my mind, and I just had to ask Paul about it. I mean you can't know someone for eight years, and not know something about them. Paul came back with the sodas, and we sat there talking about old times, and then I just had to ask him what was bugging me.

"Paul, when we were children, did you notice anything about me then, that you would have thought strange for a ten year old?"

"You mean the way you always crossed your legs at the ankles, and held your hands in your lap when you sat down. Do you mean when you would put your hands at your ... well you know, like you were smooothing out a dress like you did when you sat down here? Do you mean the skipping, and the giggling, and just all in all acting like the girls? Nope! Didn't see a thing." We both giggled. "I did notice something else too. I thought that the girls you were with in high school, were girlfriends like a boy would have a girlfriend. But they were just friends, weren't they?"

"Yes Paul, they were. We did do things together, but they were just friends.

"Then what was all the talk about, when you talked to your mother about the girls?"

"I was just trying to get a woman's perspective on how girls act in certain situations with a guy. This way I will know how to act when I have a boyfriend, and what not to allow him to do."

When we were finished with our sodas, Paul walked me back to the house, and I let him hold me around my waist. It was such a secure feeling, and like I said, Paul lifted weights, and he was very strong. I wonder what would happen if anyone called him a sissy? I didn't dwell on it, because Paul was all man, and he wasn't accompanying a gay person anyway, but a real lady in an abnormal disguise. Mother nature, nice joke mommmmmm. But anyway, I was wondering if Paul would find some excuse to cancel, or back out. I have never had to go to a dance before with a guy. Saturday was a few days away, as this was Tuesday. Or is that, if this is Tuesday, then this must be Belgium? I giggled at the thought.

Anyway I needed to get ready, and I needed a few pointers on how. I needed to have my nails and hair done at the salon, I needed to have my gown just so, and I needed to make sure I had the proper makeup. Ohhhhhhhhh decisions, decisions. What to do. I have been accepted as a pledge at the prestigious Gamma Delta Phi, I have a chaperone to the dance on Saturday, and my mother just came to the door.

"M-mother, this is a surprise. What are you doing here?"

"I heard my daughter is going to a dance this Saturday. Do you have a proper chaperone?"

"Yes mother, Paul is taking me."

"Oh hi Paul. That is nice of you to take Jean to the dance. She has never been to a formal dance before, and she will need a lot of support."

"Don't worry, Mrs. McMillan. I'll make sure Jean has a nice time, and that she is safe. Jean I have something to ask you. When you told me you were pledging Gamma Delta, I thought you were joking. But when I saw you tonight, I knew you couldn't be anything but a lady. I may get a lot of ribbing for this, but I don't care. Jean, will you be my girlfriend?"

"If I say yes, Paul, you have to understand that I will do nothing to disgrace myself, my mother, or Gamma Delta Phi. There is certain conduct a lady must employ at all times, to be above board. I am a woman Paul, and one thing I don't need is a bad reputation. If I say yes, you will have to conduct yourself as a gentleman at all times when you are with me. You do understand that there can be no sexual activity involved between us, until after, if at all, that we are married. Is that agreeable?"

"Yes Jean, it is very agreeable. If you were gay I wouldn't bother asking, but you are a lady, and there will come a time when we will say I do, but until then, I just want to be your boyfriend, sort of like a pre-engagement."

"Paul, if I say yes, does that make me gay?"

"No silly. No girl looking like you would be called gay on the arm of a decent man. So, the question is, will you go steady with me?"

"Yes Paul, I will."

Paul had been my best friend since I was ten years old. There were things we did together, but not in a buddy buddy way though. What we did mostly was just hang around, go to movies, walk around the park, and he never complained in all the times we did the same things. He showed me how to hold a fishing pole one time, and the feel of his hands on mine made me feel very secure. His touch was electrified, and his smile contagious. Maybe we were destined to get to this part of going steady.

As time went on though, Paul took me here and everywhere else too. We went to the art museum, we went to concerts, we went to the beach, we dined out, and we went to dances. The dance coming up though, would be the very first time I ever danced with Paul, or any boy...uhm, man. But I was bound by an oath now to always be a lady, and that meant letting Paul make the plans as to where we would go. I didn't mind so much because I felt so secure knowing if we got into any trouble, his strong arms would be able to get us out of it, mostly. After I said yes to going steady with him, Paul took my hand and held it in his for a while, then he looked at me with eyes I had never seen before.

"Paul, are you all right? I've never seen you look at anyone like that before."

He smiled, "That's because you weren't here then. I just can't get over how beautiful you are. It's no wonder we never did anything boy like when we were little. It wasn't in you. I can see you now though, for the beautiful woman you are."

I felt the heat in my face that told me I was blushing. The compliment Paul just gave me warmed not only my face, but my heart as well.

Chapter IV - Getting Ready For The Dance

Mother was standing there taking this all in, and when Paul called me a beautiful woman, mother just had to interject. "Paul that was a very beautiful compliment that you just gave Jean. I know you have been friends for a long time, but what I want to know is, if it came right down to it, would you make Jean your wife?"

"Yes Mrs. McMillan I would, and she wouldn't have to worry about anything. I never knew this then, but when I saw her tonight in that dress, I knew we were destined to be together as a couple. That is why we were best friends for so long, even into college. But now I am not only her best friend, but her boyfriend as well. We are going to be all right, Mrs. McMillan."

"I know you will be, and if you need anything, anything at all, you just have to ask. Jean is my only child, and she deserves everything good in her life. Including you, Paul."

"Thank you, Mrs. McMillan."

The next few days seemed to just fly by. Before we knew it, Friday was here. I had to make sure the clothes I was wearing tomorrow evening were ready. I was going to the beauty parlor to get my hair, nails, and makeup done. But today I needed to get my outfit ready. I took my lavender semi formal dress and moved it to the middle of the closet, so I could grab it without searching for it. I also made sure that my lavender bra and panty set were at the top of the drawer. I looked in the stocking drawer, and I didn't have to worry there. Everything but the stockings was going to be lavender. Darn it! I have to go shopping tomorrow for a pair of lavender pumps. Maybe I can get a pair with a low heel. I called Kendra and asked her if she knew any place where I could get a pair of lavender pumps with a low heel.

"Yes Jean, I know just the place. We can go tomorrow so we're there when they open."

"What time do they open? I mean, tomorrow is Saturday."

"They open right at nine o'clock, and stay open until ten at night."

"All right Kendra, I'll set my alarm for eight so I can be ready on time."

I went to take my shower, bringing my rose nightgown and panty set, my rose slippers, and my rose robe. I went in and decided I would take a bubble bath instead. I poured in a little lavender scent bubble bath, and let the suds foam up.

I brushed my teeth while I was waiting for the tub to fill. When it looked like the mountain of suds was going to run over the edge of the tub, I turned the water off. I got in the tub and just sat there relaxed. I thought about what has happened so far, and in such a short period of time. I enrolled and was accepted at this university, I had always wanted to pledge my mother's sorority, which I have done, and I always needed to be physically female, and now I am on my way to being the girl I should have been, when I was born. My best friend is my boyfriend, and maybe later my fiancá¨. I've been invited to a sorority dance, and my boyfriend is my chaperone. And even mother too. While she keeps saying she doesn't agree with my needing to be female, or wanting to pledge her sorority, she has been helping me right along. I need to ask Kendra about this when I see her.

The water started to get cool, so I washed and then rinsed off the suds with the shower head. And not just any shower head either. This one is a massaging one, that really takes the kinks out of your muscles. I turned off the shower, and got my lotion and powder and put that on. Then I got into my night clothes, and went back to my room, and crawled in bed. Lily was there when I got back to the room.

"Hi Jean, I love that ensemble. It really makes you look pretty,"

"Thanks Lily. Mom got this for me when we went shopping. The dress I'm wearing tomorrow is simply gorgeous."

"May I see it?"

"Yes." I went to the closet and took out my lavender semi formal.

"Oh my gosh, that is beautiful. Did you pick that out, or did your mom?"

"I did. I picked out all of my clothes, but mom paid for them. I don't understand something though."

"Like what, Jean?"

"Well, mother said she doesn't agree with my pledging Gamma Delta Phi, and she doesn't agree with my needing to be the girl I have always been. But yet, she goes out of her way to help me, and make sure my dreams come true. Why is that?"

"Because she loves you, Jean. When Kendra first went out to talk to you, she was bending our ear about you always sitting out there looking so sad and dejected, like you had just lost your best friend, or something. Then she showed us the picture of your mother hanging on the stairwell, and she had an idea. She never knew that is what you wanted too. So when Kendra invited you to the open house, she called your mother to tell her. The sorority keeps records of all past presidents. At every open house, Jean, we would like to have a past president present, so that the pledges can find out about the sorority, and just hob nob. This open house we invited your mother, because Kendra and the rest of us were going to make sure that you could do what you wished for. The reason your mother doesn't agree with you, is because she is afraid something will happen that you will do, or say, and will end up disgracing the name of the sorority. But we assured her that we will do our best to make a lady of you, on our honor as Gamma Deltas. That is why you were assigned this room. I have been elected to show you the ropes, so to speak, and report anything you might do that is out of line. That is what it means to be a pledge here. You aren't the only one either. Every girl who pledges Gamma Delta Phi goes through the same routine.

"But I can see that our fears about you are baseless, because you are a lady, and from what I have seen, will make a very good addition to our sorority. So again, welcome to Gamma Delta Phi, sister."

I had to sit down on my bed. Lily had spelled it out for me, and I was going to make sure that whatever I did, whereever I was, and whomever I was with, I was going to be a lady no matter what. I started crying too, and Lily came over an held me, reassuring me that everything is all right.

I don't know how long Lily had held me, and I don't know how I got under my covers, but when I woke up, I was under them, and then I remembered. I was talking to Lily who had told me everything from start to finish, and I was amazed that Kendra actually knew who I was, even before she talked to me. I will have to talk to her. I had better get up anyway, because I have to go to the salon today, and get ready for tonight. Mother is paying for it all, again. She also paid my first semester's tuition. Oh, uhm what does mother do? She owns her own realty company, and does very well too.

So the first order of business was to get a quick shower in. I used my Dove body wash, and made sure that I washed all over. I patted myself dry, and then put on my lotion and body powder. My clothes for today were simple; an a-line tartan skirt, with a matching shirt, white underthings, and my pumps. The stockings were stay up sheer nylon, and after I was dressed, I made sure that everything was straight, and then I brushed my hair, and put it into a high pony tail.

I went down to the kitchen and made myself one egg (scrambled), one slice of turkey bacon (crisp), one slice of wheat toast, and a glass of milk and one of orange juice. Kendra came in when she smelled the bacon cooking.

"I didn't know you knew how to cook. I was expecting you to ask one of us to make something for you. The others are going to like it when they find out you can cook. We assign one sister for one week to cook the dinner. We have a communal dinner in our dining room at seven each evening. Now we have a new sister who can be added to the list. Jean, you have shown in just a few days how much of a lady you are, and you have made us all proud, even your mother."

"Then why does my mother keep saying she doesn't agree with my choices?"

"The reason is just what I said. I have been told that you are an only child. No parent who loves their only child, will see them out in the cold, just because that child does something the parent doesn't agree with. You're not hurting anyone, even yourself, so I guess she figures that you know what you're doing, or you wouldn't be doing it. She said she taught you to stand up for the things you believe in, and she also said that if you believe in here," she pointed to my heart, "that you are female in your soul, and you so dearly want to pledge her sorority, then she will help you. She did tell us that she is proud of you for standing your ground. She said too that, you achieved everything you set out to do, and women know how to do that. From what I have seen in the last couple of days, you are one strong minded woman, who takes nothing from nobody." She gave me a sisterly hug. "I am very proud to call you my friend." I was still crying, and Kendra just held me to comfort me. "What were you going to do today, your hair appointment isn't until two, and we will probably get back here around six thirty."

"Six thirty? Oh my gosh! Paul is coming at six."

"He'll wait, if he is the man you said he is. Besides, when you walk in that door, he is going to be blown away. Just act like the lady you are, and everything will be just fine. So what are you going to do between now and then?"

"I don't know, I need to get a pair of lavender pumps."

"Oh my gosh! You're right, you even said that last night. Come on sister Jean, we'll take my car."

We walked to the student parking lot, and got into Kendra's car. She drove us into town, and straight to a shoe place called Foot Fashions For The Discriminating Woman. We were able to park near the door somewhat. We went in, and a lady wearing stylish beige pumps with an ankle strap, and two inch heels, a nice beige dress, came up to us. She knew Kendra.

"Kendra, It's so nice to see you. Who's your friend?"

"Hi Molly, this is Jean. She just pledged Gamma Delta and she needs a pair of lavender pumps to go with her outfit for the dance tonight."

"That's right, tonight's the night for the Pledge Dance. Jean, I'm a Gamma Delta too. You will see me at the dance. What is your last name, dear?"

"McMillan, ma'am."

"You're not Jeannette McMillan's daughter?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Well you just come over here, dear, and we will see what we can find." I gave Kendra a very puzzling look.

I followed her over to a chair, and she got out that thing they mesaure your shoe size with, and said eight and a half. She went in the back of the store, and brought out a small cart with about six boxes of shoes on it. She sat down and tried on the first pair, and had me walk around in them a bit. These were beige pumps, with a two inch heel. The next pair was rose colored, and fit like a glove. The third pair was white, and the fourth pair was powder blue. The last two pairs were lavender, and they fit like a glove too. The one pair had a strap across the ankle, and the other was a step in pump. All of the shoes fit perfectly. When I said that I would take the lavender pair with the ankle strap, she looked at me with a coy smile.

"No dear, you will take all of them. Consider this your gift for being strong enough to stand up for who you are. Your mother will be at the dance too, tonight, and she is going to be one of the host chaperones. You see my dear, we may leave college, but we never leave the sorority. We are sisters forever. And as alumni, we still have our full Gamma Delta Phi privileges. We are ladies dear, and we never do anything, or say anything to disgrace the name of Gamma Delta Phi. Now, you take these shoes with my admiration for what you have accomplished in such a short time. The reason I know about you, is because it was in the Gamma Delta Phi Journal. When I read about you, I was wondering how long it would take for you to get around to my store. Well, here you are, and I hope that you do come back again."

"Thank you, ma'am. Thank you for the shoes too."

"Oh it is nothing, especially for another Gamma Delta sister. See you tonight at the dance, dear."

I said thank you again, and Kendra and I left the store with my shoes. "Kendra?"

"Yes, Jean?"

"Why did Molly give me these shoes, and not let me pay for them?"

"The way I hear it is, when Molly was a cheerleader, there was a small kitten on the football field. She ran onto the field and got the poor kitten, before the boys could trample it during play. Molly took it back to the house, and we had a new mascot. We named the kitten Delta. It was a golden striped calico, and it was the most precious thing. So I hear. All the sisters took turns watching out for the kitten. Then when it became a full grown cat, they would make sure there were certain doors to certain rooms that were closed. Anyway, when the president of the house then, had graduated, Molly gave her the cat, and said good luck. Ever since I hear, she has always been giving things away, and not everytime, but here and there, and on the spur of the moment too."

"Oh," was all I could manage to say. "Kendra, what is the Gamma Delta Phi Journal?"

"It is an online journal that is sent to members, and past members of the sorority. We keep everyone posted as to what is going on, what national has handed down to us, and what events of the sorority are going on, and when. Like tonight is the Pledge Dance. All Pledges will be introduced to the sororities, fraternities, other students, faculty, and staff. This is going to be a coming out dance for all the pledges that pledge a sorority, or a fraternity. It is a school function actually, but since we are one of the sororities, we put it in our journal as a sorority function, which it is."

"Does anyone else get to see this journal too?"

"You mean anyone outside of the membership? No. We only send it to the membership, and that includes the alumni of Gamma Delta Phi."

"All right. How long am I going to be in the salon today?"

"Well we had your appointment for this afternoon, for around twoish , because I called ahead, and you are getting the full treatment. I asked for Midge to do your hair, Stella to do your nails and makeup, and June to give you your massage. These ladies are all Gamma Deltas, and that is who I want working on you, so there aren't any misconceptions. After your surgeries are all completed, then we can have non Gamma Deltas work on you. But right now, only Gamma Deltas will work on you. Is that all right?"

"Of course it's all right. Really, I don't care who works on me, as long as I can have it done before the dance." She caught my meaning and we both giggled.

"You are an imp, aren't you. You know, when I saw you on that bench every day sitting there so feminine like, I just thought you were gay. But when I started talking to you, I knew right away you were a woman just waiting to be seen. Well lady, you are not only seen, but you are now one of us. Do you have a middle name Jean?"

"No. Because I was born male, my mother just named me Jean, and she made sure the nurses put Jean with a "J". So I won't have to actually change my name. My gender is something else again. I was born in Iowa, and those people are more stubborn to move than a Missouri mule. Why couldn't I be born in like Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois, or even Indiana? Anywhere other than Iowa. Anyway I tried to send for my birth certificate and have them change the gender on it. I told them in my letter that the gender of male was a mistake, and it really should have been female. They said they need a doctor's certified statement that I am female."

"Is that all? What about your doctor? I hear she is a Gamma Delta too. Do you think that maybe she would give you that certified statement?"

"I can ask mother tonight at the dance. Maybe she can call Dr. Burns and ask her."

"It's worth a try sister Jean."

"Wait! I thought we weren't supposed to do anything to disgrace the name of Gamma Delta Phi. Wouldn't this come under that?"

"Wow! I am impressed sister Jean. No. It doesn't come under that. What we are simply doing is correcting a clerical error. You my dear sister, are nothing but female inside of here," she pointed to my heart. "And because you are female, you have the right to have your correct sex on your birth certificate."

"All right, I'll ask mother and see what she can do."

It was twelve thirty and lunch time. Kendra drove us to the nearby Denny's, where I just had a salad and a cup of tea. Kendra I guess was hungry, because she ordered the salisbury steak dinner, which came with a basket of rolls, breadsticks, and she ordered soup. I took small bites, cutting the bigger pieces of lettuce, and the tomato slices with my knife and fork. When we were finished eating, we sat there a bit, while Kendra and I had another cup of tea.

"You know Jean..."

"Kendra??? That is you. Remember me, I'm Darcy Wilkins mother."

"Of course I remember you. Darcy was my shadow at Gamma Delta when I pledged. How is she doing?"

"She's doing fine, and she said she is coming to the dance tonight. She will be one of the host chaperones."

"Are you coming too, Mrs. Wilkins?"

"Of course, I want to see just what kind of pledges you are growing these days." Kendra and Mrs. Wilkins giggled.

"Mrs. Wilkins, this is Jean McMillan, one of our new pledges."

"Well I must say, dear. I wasn't expecting to meet you until the dance. Stand up sweetie, and let me look at you."

I stood up, and slowly turned for her inspection. I even held out my skirt like I was a model on the runway.

"You look absolutely stunning, my dear. How has she been behaving, Kendra?"

"Like a lady, Mrs. Wilkins. Everything she does is very lady like."

"Well young lady, it was nice to meet you. Is your mother going to be at the dance tonight too?"

"Yes Mrs. Wilkins, she is one of the host chaperones too."

"Well then, I will see all of you there then."

She left and went back to her friends that were sitting a ways from us. Mrs. Annette Wilkins is a fortyish woman, with blonde hair to her shoulders, round, sky blue eyes, and her skirt outfit was casual. She didn't walk with a snooty gait, but her manner was still regal. I asked Kendra about Darcy.

"Darcy Wilkins was assigned as my shadow, just like Lily is yours in the house, and I am yours outside of the house. She introduced me to a lot of people that are Gamma Delta alumni. That is why I know where to go to get things done. Darcy graduated just last year, and is working as a law clerk for an attorney. She wants to go to law school, but she wants to get a little legal experience first. She types the briefs and letters the attorney dictates. If it is something the attorney himself must sign, then she takes it in for his signature, otherwise she uses the signature stamp. You will meet her tonight."

We decided that we were going to go to the mall, and just window shop until it was time for me to go to the salon, which was in the mall. We went from store to store, when a dress in one of the small store windows caught my attention. I told Kendra I wanted to check it out, and we went in. A lady in a casual checked jumper with a powder blue blouse, and stylish black, ankle strap pumps, asked if she could help us.

"Yes, I want to see if you have that miter striped dress in the window, in a size eight."

"They are right over here. We're having a special on them this week. The normal price is forty two dollars, but we are selling it this week for just thirty dollars. That is a twelve dollar savings." We went over and I picked out a size eight. "You can try it on right over there," she said pointing to the changing booths.

I tried the dress on, and stepped out for Kendra's approval. "Girl, you are making me dizzy with those stripes." We giggled. The dress was a two piece set. The stripes on the skirt went one way, and the stripes on the blouse went the opposite way. I looked in the mirror in the changing booth, and sure enough, the stripes looked as though they were moving in a zig zag manner. I took off the dress, and got back into my skirt and blouse, and told the lady that it just isn't for me, but thanks anyway. We went back out into the mall, and continued window shopping.

It was going on two o'clock and we headed for the beauty shop. We had to walk most of the mall, but we got there in five minutes. I signed in at the desk, and the receptionist welcomed us, and then told us to have a seat, and Midge would be right with us. A few minutes later, a woman with brown hair that had shimmering highlights, came over. She introduced herself, and told me to follow her.

"Kendra, aren't you getting ready too?"

"No Midge, I'm just doing a simple set, but this is what Jean wanted, so I brought her over."

"All right Jean, follow me, and we'll get you started."

I followed her to what looked like a barber chair, except this one had flat arm rests. I asked Midge about that.

"That's so you can rest your arm, when they do your manicure and nails. Most nail shops are uncomfortable because they have your wrist over that lumpy thing. But here we believe in our customer's comfort. I understand also that June is going to give you a full body massage. Do me a favor though, after June is finished with your massage, don't fall asleep, or you will definitely miss the dance." We both giggled. If a full body massage can do that, I wondered what took me so long to have one done.

I sat in the chair, and she tilted it all the way back, so that my head was over the sink. Then she dampened my hair, and then put in a conditioner. She said this was to make sure the strands didn't tangle when she washed the hair with the shampoo. She massaged my head with her fingertips, as she washed my hair. It seemed like it was taking forever just to wash my hair. But then she started rinsing it. Stella came over and gave me a manicure, and a pedicure, and then put a light lavender polish on my finger and toenails. She let the first coat dry, and then put on a second coat. She did all of this as Midge was washing my hair. When Stella was finished, Midge was towel drying my hair, but she left it damp. Then she applied more conditioner, and then she started rolling my hair. I had never felt this before, but I knew the results would be worth it. She then took me over to the dryers, and I sat down. She put the dryer head over my head, and turned it on. I sat there for about thirty minutes, and then June came over and turned off the machine.

"Hi Jean, I'm June, and I am going to give you your massage today." The lady sitting next to me said in a surprised voice, 'you're getting a massage!' I just let it go.

I followed June into another room at the back of the salon, and she showed me a dressing booth, and told me to take everything off, except my panties, and put on the robe hanging on the door. When I came out, she told me to lie down flat on my tummy, and we would get started. She didn't do any of that chopping on my back, like you see in the movies. Instead she pushed the muscles in an upward manner. The lotion she used was very aromatic. It smelled like lilacs. Then she used circular motions to soften the muscles even more. After about fifteen minutes, she started on my legs. She did the same thing with both legs, and after an hour, I was completely done. She told me I could get dressed, and when I stood up, my legs felt weak. Like I ran a mile very fast, except the muscles weren't tight, but very loose.

"I see that you have never had a massage like this before. Come on, dear, I'll help you to the changing room."

"I've never had a massage before, at all."

"For heaven's sake, why not?"

"I Just never thought about it."

"Well, don't go to sleep, or you will miss the dance tonight. Being a pledge dear, it is very important that you be there. This dance is for all the pledges."

"Why would I miss the dance, if I took a little nap?"

"Because your muscles are loosened up now, and when people who sleep after a massage, they don't wake up, even if they have an alarm, for at least five or six hours. Some even longer. Jean, it is a pleasure to have met you. Make sure you come back now." We both giggled, and I went back out by Kendra, who let out a wolf whistle. Girls do that too, ya know.

"Girl! Look at you. You look like your going to a debutante ball, or something."

"I am Kendra. I'm going to be the prettiest woman at the dance." We both giggled, and so did June and the recptionist.

I was told that the manicure, pedicure, and the polish was on the house, but I did have to pay for the hair set though. I didn't argue. I got one hundred dollars worth of beauty treatment for free. The hair set only cost sixty five dollars. When I looked at the clock I saw it was already going on six. We had been there for four hours. Wow. We got into Kendra's car, and headed back to the university. She pulled into a space that had the same number as the sticker on the lower part of the driver's side windshield. We got out, and went into the house. I heard a whistle, and looked to see Lily staring straight at me.

"Wow oh wow! Look at you. The caterpillar is now a beautiful butterfly. Jean, you look absolutely stunning. You're going to have to fight the boys off tonight."

"I'm going with Paul. Do I have to dance with the boys if they ask?"

"Well not really. But it shows how gracious of a lady you are, if you do. It also shows that Paul is a gentleman when he allows his charge to dance with other guys. What I would do though, is decline their invitations to dance graciously. By that I mean, just say no thank you, or I'm sorry but Paul asked for this dance. It is not a disgrace to turn down a guy with a white lie. Besides, Paul is not only your boyfriend, but your chaperone as well. So he will be looking out for you."

The door chimes rang, and Lily went to answer it. It was Paul. "Come in, Paul, your butterfly awaits within." I had to giggle.

When Paul saw me, his eyes almost left his head. His eyes got really wide, and his mouth opened like a fish. He walked over to me, and gave me a kiss on my cheek. I told him to have a seat, because we didn't need to leave for the dance until around seven. The dance started at eight, and our places all had our names on them, so it wasn't a fight to get in. Kendra and I went upstairs so we could get ready. I got out my undergarments, my stockings and shoes, and left the dress hanging until I needed to put it on.

I went in the bathroom to run my bath. I took my underthings with me, and Kendra went to get herself ready. I poured in some lavender bubble bath, and let the suds foam up. I got out of my clothes, and sat in the tub, and just relaxed. But then I thought about what they said at the beauty salon about not going to sleep, or I would miss the dance, and the bathtub was not a very good place to fall asleep in, anyway. So I relaxed for a bit, and just let the suds envelope my whole body, except for my head. I didn't want to ruin my hairdo or my makeup. I took a plastic cup that was sitting there, and rinsed the suds off. I patted down, and then I put on some lavender lotion and body powder. I got into my under things, and put my robe on, and went back to get into my gown.

Kendra was already in my room when I got there. "Come on, let's get you in your dress."

She helped me to lower it over my head, and she even zipped up the back. I stepped into my lavender pumps, and it was time to make sure everything was straight, which it was, and now for my entrance for Paul. We walked out of my room, and I started down the stairs very slowly, like I had an ankle length ball gown on. When I got to the bottom of the stairs, Paul stood up, and again his eyes got really wide, and his mouth opened like a fish. He let out a whistle, and then he came over to me, and put a wrist corsage on my left wrist. Then he looked me right in the eyes, not at my chest, when he told me how very pretty I was.

"Jean, I said it once, and I will say it again. Looking at you now, I can see that you were never anything but the girl you are, and I am very proud not only to be your best friend, but your fiancᨠas well. Jean McMillan, when you have your whatever it is you need to have done, will you marry me?"

I didn't know what to say. I looked at Kendra, who just did a 'I don't know a thing' thing. I had to think about this. Everything was going so fast. I have only been a pledge for a few days, and I was immediately invited to a dance, but I have to be chaperoned. Paul accepted my invitation to be my chaperone, then he became my boyfriend, and now he wants to be my fiancá¨. What do I tell him?

"P-Pau-Paul, I uhm, I don't know...what to...say. Everything is moving so fast for me lately. I need time to breathe a little, and think about what you just said. I uhm, I uhm, well I..."

"It's all right sweetheart. You don't have to give me an answer right away, or even today. But I am serious. When everything you need done is completed, I want you to be my wife. We have been best friends for most of our lives, and now I can see why you never wanted to do anything like a boy would do. Because you were never a boy, and now you are a woman; a very pretty woman too. Jean, I don't say things I don't mean, and you know that. So when you are ready to give me an answer, all you have to do is tell me, but in your own good time. In the meantime, let's have fun at the dance tonight."

"All right, Paul. I'll let you know." Then I said we should be going. Paul offered his arm, and I took it, and we walked to the dance.

Chapter V - The Dance

As we entered the arena, the band was already set up and playing oldies tunes. They were playing Rock And Roll Is Here To Stay by Danny and the Juniors. It was nice to know that we were going to have something we could actually dance to. But for those of us from Gamma Delta Phi, we were supposed to dance like refined ladies. I even told Paul this, and he laughed saying that why can't we dance rock and roll. I told him that because many of the rock and roll songs are fast paced, and when we dance, our dresses will fly up, and people will see our underthings. I told him that ladies don't do that in public. Then his face got really serious.

"You mean that you can't dance rock and roll ever!"

"I didn't say that, Paul. What I said was when we are in our dresses we can't, because the dress will fly up in a way that others can see our underthings. We at Gamma Delta Phi are ladies, Paul, and ladies don't show their underthings in public. Paul, you have to understand that a lady is very vulnerable when she is wearing a dress or even a skirt. What we do at Gamma Delta Phi is show the public that we are ladies at all times, and that includes on the dance floor. I can have fun listening to the songs, and even sing along to some of them. Paul, I love you like a brother, but you have to understand that I can't do anything that would be unlady like, and dancing rock and roll in this dress would be unlady like. Besides, if you look at my sorority sisters, you will see a lot of them in prom dresses. How can you dance rock and roll with a dress at your ankles?

"If you look at the schedule, Paul, you will see that there is going to be a lot of slow dance music as well. Like the Wayward Wind by Gogi Grant, or Johnny Get Angry by Joanie Sommers, and there are a whole lot more too. There is even some Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin included. Paul, I would rather dance slow dances with you, so that we can be close to each other while we dance. But we can't do anything inappropriate, or the chaperones will make sure we leave. The reason I asked you to come with me tonight, is because I am not to be at a public function unescorted. I thought of you right away when I was told there was a dance tonight, because we have been best friends forever. Paul, do you still want to marry me, knowing I can't make a spectacle of myself in public, because that would be unlady like?"

"Yes Jean, more than ever, because finally I have found a lady with real morals and values. You are exactly the kind of woman I have been looking for. Now that I have found you, will you marry me?"

"Yes Paul, I will."

Paul got up and took my hand. He led me out to the dance floor, and got down on one knee. Oh my gosh, he is so gallant and chivalrous. He looked up at me, with a ring box in his hand.

"Jean McMillan, will you marry me?"

"Yes Paul Anderson, I will."

The applause just seemed to go on forever. One of his dorm mates came over and congratulated him, and said something in his ear, for which Paul promptly punched him in the arm lightly. The emcee, then made an announcement.

"Ladies and gentlemen, this is indeed a special occasion. When two people can find true happiness and show it to the world, then the engagement and ensuing marriage is blessed by God Himself. Let us wish this couple well, and may they succeed in everything they set out to do. Also, just remember young man, that you may be the man of the house, but she is the one in charge." There was applause and laughter that seemed to last forever. Then the emcee said something to the band, and they started playing Catch A Falling Star by Perry Como. Paul took me in his arms, and started leading me around the dance floor. I loved it.

'May they succeed in everything they set out to do', kept ringing in my head. Ever since mother told me about her being a Gamma Delta, I had wanted to pledge this sorority; I have always wanted to be physically female, and Paul had been looking for a woman with true morals and values. We have accomplished all of that except for the physical female part. Right now I am living the real life test, and after that I will have the surgeries that will make me comlpete and whole. What more could a girl ask for?

Mother came over and wished us well, and even said that there will be an engagement party in two weeks, because in just a few days I will have the orchiectomy done. Then my body will stop producing testosterone, so that the estrogens can take over. This is a dream come true for me, and I know that I will be happy, once my major surgeries are completed. I really don't need anything done, except the genital surgeries to get rid of this awful birth defect. Mother also told me that she will let the Gamma Delta Phi sisters know about the party, and it will be held here at the Sarah M. McKinley Arena.

"I want to introduce you to the whole faculty, staff, and student body. Like a sixteen coming out party, only this is an engagement party instead. You have made me proud tonight, Jean, and you will make a fine wife, and even mother if you decide to adopt." She hugged me tightly, and then said in my ear, "I've lost my little girl, you're a woman now, with a man to care for you. Oh I am so happy for the both of you." Then she started crying.

"I just want you to be happy, darling, that's why I said I didn't agree with your choices. But you have come a very long way, in such a short time. You have really accomplished a lot, and I am proud of you. I am going to do everything I can to make sure that you and Paul have what you need to get started too."

"Mother, everything will be all right, you'll see. Tomorrow we will probably set the wedding date for after we graduate from college. Because then I will be complete, and all the legal things will be taken care of. And this time, I will have the doctor's statement saying I am female."

"We can get that now, dear. Dr. Burns will write out a thing to get female on your birth certificate. It will be on her letterhead so they won't question it. I want you to know Jean, that I will do what I can to make sure that you are recognized for the girl that you are. You have made me very proud." She kept hugging me, and saying these things over and over. "Monday we will go and tell her what we need."

"All right mother, I have classes on Monday though. But I have a break between my morning classes and my afternoon classes, so we could go then."

"All right, I will call her office, and leave a message on her voice mail. She checks that before she sees her first patient. We will get the letter written Monday, and send out the request for your birth certificate that evening."

"That sounds good, mother."

The band started playing Not Enough Indians by Dean Martin. I think they did that to let Paul know exactly who is in charge in this relationship. Paul took me out on the floor again, and began leading here and there. We danced close, but in an acceptable way. Our bodies didn't touch. I was wondering what was going through Paul's mind. He has to be a real gentleman and made sure I am not doing anything unlady like. I looked at his eyes, and I could see that he was actually letting the music sway his feet. When the song was over, he shook his head much like you would do coming out of a trance. We went back to our table, and he pulled out my chair for me to sit down. He pushed the chair back in, and then said he was going to get us some punch. When he came back, he set one cup in front of me, and then sat down with his.

Kendra came over and we talked for a bit, then I whispered in her ear that I needed the restroom. She said no problem, and we made our excuses and left. Kendra and I went into the ladies room where I promptly rushed into a stall and sat down. Oh that was just in time. I then washed my hands, and the other women that were in there didn't give me a second glance. I felt accepted by strangers who didn't care I was there. Or didn't they care because they didn't know. Whatever the reason, I felt really very good inside. Kendra and I stayed behind in the lounge part, and we talked for a little while.

"So how is it going with your fianc� That was really very bold of him to ask you to marry him right in front of everyone, and you even accepted, as graciously as you could, too. Jean, just remember what we talked about. Did you talk to your mother about it?"

"Yes I did. She said we are going to our doctor on Monday, and have her write a thing to the state where I was born, and that it will be on her letterhead."

"That's good. Then your problems will actually be over. Let's get back to our tables. I'll talk to you later."

Kendra was the one who started all of these wheels rolling by inviting me to the open house. Then I was told that to pledge Gamma Delta Phi I had to become physically female. I wanted that ever since I can remember. Then I was pledged, and told about this dance, but I needed a chaperone, then my chaperone asks me to be his girlfriend. Then we get to the dance, and he asks me on a bended knee if I will marry him, and I accepted.

Time really does fly by when you're having fun. All too soon, the dance was over. Kendra came over by us to congratulate us formally, and we all walked back to the Gamma Delta house. Kendra's chaperone was a tall guy, and he looked like he lifted weights too. His blonde hair complimented his face that had piercing sky blue eyes. Kendra was joking at mine and Paul's expense, but we took it like troopers. The arena isn't that far from the Gamma Delta house, and before we knew it, we were in front of the steps. Because of the late hour, the guys weren't allowed in. We gave them hugs, and said I love you's, and Kendra and I went inside. The guys waited until we closed the door.

I went up to my room, and Kendra went to hers. I unzipped my dress after trying for five minutes. Now I know why Kendra helped me zip it up. I stepped out of the dress very carefully, and hung it back on its hanger. Monday I would take it to the dry cleaners. Not because there was a stain or anything on it, but I was dancing tonight, and I was perspiring, so the dress needed to be cleaned. I sat down at the only vanity that Lily and I share, and took off my makeup. I got out of my undergarments, and put on my robe and slippers. I took my rose nightgown with me, and went to take my bath. Since we are all girls, there is no need to lock the bathroom door, so I just ran the water, put in a little rose bubble bath, and let the suds foam up. I sat in the tub and let the suds relax me all over. Two inch pumps are nice, but when you dance in them most of the night, they are a nightmare. I massaged my feet in the tub as well as my calves and thighs. After a bit the water was losing its warmth, so I washed all over. I washed my hair after I had washed everywhere else. When I blow dried my hair, it bounced right back to when I had left the salon. They gave me a perm. I put on my nightgown and panty set, got into my robe and slippers, then I went back to my room.

"Good night, Jean," Kendra said going into the bathroom.

"Good night, Kendra."

Her Mother's Daughter
Chapter VI - Shopping

I slept really good, and when the sun finally woke me up, it was already ten o'clock. I got up and found my pink bra and panty set, and a pink half slip. I got into my robe and slippers and went to take my bath. I brought my lotion, powder, and rose scented bubble bath with me. I went into the bathroom, and ran my water. The suds began to swell up right away, and when I was finished brushing my teeth, they were a mountain of suds. I climbed in the tub and sat down, and just let the suds soak in. I wasn't in a hurry, so I just sat there. I was thinking a great deal about what has happened to me over the last week. It all seemed like a fairy tale, and I am the princess. I sponged myself all over, and then began to wash. When I was finished with my bath, I rinsed off with the shower head, and stepped out onto the bath mat. I patted myself dry, and put on some lotion, and powder, then got into my underthings. I rinsed and wiped out the tub, and went back to my room. I no sooner got out my plaid tartan skirt, than Kendra came knocking. I told her to come in, and she sat on the bed, and looked at me with those I know what you've been dreaming about eyes.

"All right Kendra, I'm not even dressed yet, and you are sitting there looking at me with those eyes. What are you thinking?"

"Oh nothing. I was just wondering how the bride to be is feeling this morning."

"It all seems like a fairy tale dream, and I'm the princess. I mean, everything has happened so fast, and tomorrow mother wants to take me to Dr. Burns and get that letter so I can have female on my birth certificate. But I mean, oh gosh, I just..."

"Yes it is really a speechless thing that you have gone through in the past week. But Jean, I have a confession to make."

"Oh?"

"When I came and talked to you when you were sitting on that stupid bench, I already knew who you were. But I also said to a couple of the sisters too, that it is such a shame that you couldn't follow in your mother's footsteps, and be a Gamma Delta. That's when we hatched the idea of getting it so you could be a Gamma Delta. Imagine my delight when you told me you were transgendered. That really made things fly, faster than I had counted on. I went to the tribunal and talked to them. Lydia told me that if you were serious about being a physical female, she saw no reason why you couldn't pledge our house. They also told me that where ever you went without a proper chaperone, I was to go with and shadow you. When we made the plans to have you move in right away, we asked Lily if she would like you for a roommate, and that she would have to shadow you in house. She said that would be wonderful, and so, here you are," she said with a flourish of her hands. "There is something else too. I hope that I am more than just a sorority shadow, I hope that we can be friends." I gave her a big hug, and told her we were.

"Kendra, I..."

"One other thing too, most everybody just calls me Ken, and you can too. Jean, I know that you will make a fine woman and a very good wife, but tell me something though. Did you ever think about being a wife, and maybe a mother if you adopt?"

"Well not adopting, but I have wondered what it would be like. I have had dreams through the years, where I was the bride. I never knew just how prophetic those dreams were until just this past week. When I was told about the dance, the first person I thought of was Paul. Paul and I have been best friends since we were ten years old, and now we are engaged. I just can't believe it," I said flourishing my arms in the air while holding my skirt. I flopped onto the bed in a dreamy state. "I mean, I never in my wildest dreams ever thought Paul and I would be engaged much less married. This has really turned out to be a fairy tale princess's dream come true. I am going to marry the prince of my dreams."

"I've created a monster," Kendra said in a mock shocked voice.

"Oh no, Ken, all you did was give me the opportunity to be myself, and I can do that here because we are all girls. I am so happy Ken, I only wish my mother knew that."

"I do dear," mother said with her contagious smile. "I also want to take my daughter shopping today. But you aren't even fully dressed yet. Are you waiting for an invitation?" We all giggled.

"No mother, I was just getting dressed when Ken came in and we got to talking and lost track of time." I looked at the clock, and it showed twelve fifteen. "Oh my gosh! Is that the right time? I should have been dressed an hour ago."

"Why, do you have a hot date?"

"No Ken, I mean, ohhhhhhh."

"Darling just get dressed, and we will get something while we're out."

"Mother, is it all right if Ken comes along? I mean she is the reason I am here this quick. I think she deserves a show of my appreciation for all that she has done for me."

"Yes, of course dear, Kendra can come too." There was that infectious smile again.

I went over to the vanity, and sat down to put my makeup on. Mother and Kendra were watching like hawks. They were looking at each other, now and then, when I did something they thought was simply great for a male to be doing something female, naturally. But I was male in body only, and all female in my mind and soul. So applying makeup was easy for me, because I had practiced here and there, when I could. I did very well, even if I do say so myself. I giggled at the thought.

"What's so funny, dear?" Mother asked, quizzically.

"You two," I said with a giggle in my voice. "You were watching me put my makeup on, and marveled that I knew how to do it so well. Mother I am a woman, and I was a girl before that. I have practiced with makeup techniques over the years, when I could. I took every opportunity to learn how to do it myself. Isn't that how girls learn?"

"Yes dear, it is."

"I can see my little plan to have you pledge our house, was the right one. Only a woman would know how to apply makeup that good. Oh yes, I suppose those male beauticians can do it too, but how would they really look if they had to do it on themselves? I mean, I have seen drag queens, and believe me, most of them couldn't even win the ugliest bitch pageant, because nobody would be able to see their faces under all that makeup they cake on. But you my dear, are no drag queen, you applied that makeup perfectly, just like you were born to it."

I did one of those limp wristed movements as I said, "I was dahlink," and we all giggled.

"All right, come on Jean, get dressed so we can go."

I put my tartan blouse on first, because it was made to be tucked in, and then I put my skirt on. I zipped and buttoned the back, and I was ready. Well, almost anyway. I got out a hair ribbon, and I brushed my hair so that the pony tail would ride high, and then I put the ribbon around it, and tied it in a neat bow. Mother must have been stunned, because her mouth would have hit the floor if it could. I made sure everything was straight, and that the back zipper was centered. I grabbed my purse, and I was ready to go.

"Darling, just how long have you been doing girl things like that?"

"Like what, mother?"

"You put your makeup on like a natural born woman, and you tied your hair in a hair ribbon, instead of a hair tie, and made a very neat bow. I must say that I am impressed with how much you have learned. Why didn't you come to me earlier? We could have actually had you start college as a female. Well, what's done is done. You are here now, and that is all that counts. From now on, I am going to make sure my daughter has a mother she can count on." I gave mother a hug.

"Mother just so you do know, I have had long hair now for what...since I was fourteen? I have practiced makeup and hair techniques, as well as dressing properly every chance I got. Yes mother, I was born into all of this. Just because I have a stupid little appendage that sets me apart from other women, does not mean I am not a female. Since I have made my wishes known to Kendra, she has been doing everything, along with you, helping to get me where I am. Now you want to make sure that I can count on you. I am so happy right now, and going shopping with my mother is one of the things I am going to like doing. But as far as me coming to you earlier, I couldn't actually, because I was afraid you would..."

"Would what, dear? That I would make fun of you; that I would tell you that you were ill, and needed help; that I would be angry with you. Jean I could never do any of that. You are my only child, and I love you very much. When Kendra called me, and told me you were sitting outside of the sorority house, I knew why you were sitting there. But I was also saddened a bit, because my baby couldn't pledge the sorority where I had so much fun, and made many friends. I didn't know exactly what to do. It was Kendra that came up with the idea of talking to you, and when she called me and told me you said you were transgendered, I was in denial. I said, not my baby, that isn't possible, and all kinds of things ran through my mind. When Kendra told me she invited you to the open house, I told her I would be there.

"Honey, you need to understand that in my time, when I was in school, we were taught very different things about sex and sexuality. Men were males, and women were females. Men and women got married for the most part, and had families. Sometimes the marriages didn't work, so we got divorced so we could find someone we could actually spend the rest of our lives with. So when Kendra called me, and told me all of this, my upbringing came back and flashed through my mind. That is why I said I didn't agree with your choices. But I can see that you have been nothing but a girl, and now you are a grown woman, engaged to a wonderful man. I am really very proud of you." I gave her another hug, and we went to the alumni parking lot.

There are three parking lots on campus. One is for the staff, one is for students, and the other is for the alumni. Like every other parking lot, there are numbered spaces, and that corresponds to the number on the sticker, placed inside the windshield on the driver's side. We got into the car, and buckled our seat belts. Mother never moved the car unless everyone was wearing their seat belt. Mother backed out of the parking space, and we were on our way to a wonderful day. We were going to the mall, and I was going to get some every day casual wear. I have enough formal wear to last me four years, but I'll get more later. No girl likes wearing the same outfit twice. We found a parking space in the same lane that led right to the food court entrance. Of course we were like more than half way down from the door too. We decided that since we were only getting casual wear, we could go to J.C. Penny, or Sears, maybe even some of the other smaller stores to see what they had. I am eighteen, and I should actually dress like it too. But as a Gamma Delta, I have to make sure that my clothing is in good taste.

We walked through most of the mall, stopping at this store and that one, but I didn't see anything I liked. All the skirts and dresses were cut like Wilma Flintstone's or Betty Rubble's. But we kept looking. In one store that didn't really have a name to it, had a beautiful skirt set for eighty five dollars, that was just the blouse and skirt. But I was looking for casual wear, so we kept on going toward J.C. Penny. Another store had this wonderful casual dress for only thirty nine dollars and ninety-nine cents. It was a casual checked dress in red and white, and with blue shoes I could wear on the fourth of July as a patriotic outfit. And it wouldn't even be tacky. I asked mother if I could have it, since she was paying for it, and she wanted to see it on me. I went into the changing booth, and put it on. I stepped out for mother's approval, and Kendra and mother both gasped. I went back in the changing booth, and looked in the mirror. I saw what they saw. The dress could be worn for any casual occasion, including going shopping. My hair complimented the dress very well, and made me look more feminine than my lavender semi formal did last night.

I took off the dress, and got into my clothes, and stepped out of the booth. I went over to mother, and she just nodded, still surprised that a casual dress could show my femininity so well. We looked at other dresses too, and found a few that was simply divine. One was a teal dress that fanned out from the waist, and came to my knees. It had a scoop neck, and bounced when I moved. We also got that one. The other dress was simply casual. We got all three. Then we started looking at jeans. They had different fits, and colors. We selected a few pair that would be in good taste. I picked out a few pairs, and took them into the dressing booth, and changed in to the first pair. They were teal, and came to just above my shoes. The second pair was powder pink, and the same length as the first. This third pair fit too, and they were the same length in black. I told mother how they fit, and she let me get them. Now I have six casual outfits, and I wanted some skirt sets too. It's true that winter was coming, so I also needed a coat. We went over to the outer wear part, and I selected two coats. One was a white, waist length coat, and the other was a cream color, three quarter length. They fit very well, and left a little room so I could move my arms freely. Mother let me have those too. Then we decided to go to Sears, but we took the clothes out to the car, and put them in the trunk. Then we went back in the mall, and right to Sears. I got three skirts, three blouses, three everyday shirts, and a couple more pairs of shoes. We paid for these, and took them to the car. Mother said we should get something to eat, while we were here. So we went to the food court. I wasn't really all that hungry, so I just got a small salad and a small milk. Mother and Kendra got the same. While we were sitting there eating, mother looked at me, and noticed that my ears were pierced.

"Jean, when did you get your ears pierced?"

"Just before I started here. I made sure the holes were healed before I took out the studs for the day, but always wear sleepers at night."

"Then let's get you some earrings."

Mother wasn't going to get me anything that cost twenty dollars. Instead we went to a jewelry store that sold expensive items. There was a set of hoops that cost eighty five dollars. They were ninety-nine per cent silver. Mother got those for me, and she even got two other pair. She got me a pair of dangly turquoise, that had butterfly backings. The next pair were simple pearl studs, with butterfly backings. Mother also got me a few necklaces too. The one that really caught my eye was a blue stone that shone very bright when the light hit it. It was on a thin chain, with a lobster clasp. Mother got that for me too, and told me that I needed more jewelry, but right for now these would do. When we got outside of the store, mother put the silver hoops in my ears. They felt really good. Then we decided that we were done for the day, so she took us back to the college.

We were just in time too, because the in-house meeting was going to start shorlty. I told Lydia I would be right down after I had put my things away. Mother and Ken helped me get everything put away, and we all went down to the sitting room.

"Ladies," Lydia said, starting the meeting. "We have something we need to discuss today, and it concerns one of our new pledges." Everybody looked at me. "Now everybody here has gotten to know Jean McMillan. She has been allowed to pledge our sorority because this is where her mother was a sister and a past chapter president. I guess what I am looking for is; is there anyone here that doesn't understand why Jean was made an exception to the pledge rule that only females pledge our sorority? Yes, Sandy."

"I have no objections and I have to say that Jean has presented herself as she had said she is. She behaved like a lady at the dance last night, and she has been showing all of us that a simple body doesn't make a lady."

"Thank you, Sandy. Anyone else? Yes, Corrina."

"What I have seen of Jean, she is a proper lady, and makes sure that she dresses for the occasion, even when she goes shopping. When she came back this afternoon, she excused herself, and that is what a lady does. She didn't rush upstairs, and she didn't hurry down. She walked like a lady and she spoke like a lady. I think she will be a wonderful sister when her probation is up."

"Thank you Corrina. Anyone else?" Nobody raised their hand, and then Lydia turned it over to Sandy, our treasurer who gave us the financial report and how much there was in petty cash for pizzas. If we ordered a pizza from the petty cash, it was for the whole house, and for all of us it would take two pizzas, and that would give each of us two slices.

When Sandy was finished, Lydia said thank you and turned it over to Melissa, who is the program director. She gave us each printed schedules of upcoming house events, and told us to make sure we put it somewhere where we could see it everyday.

Then Lydia turned it over to me, and asked me to say a few words to the sisters.

"All I can really say is, thank you all for inviting me to pledge here, and trusting me as a female pledge. I uhm really do uhm, uhm, I real...ly..." That's when the tears started streaming down my face. Lydia held me and comforted me, and told me it was alright. She ended the meeting by thanking everyone for coming, and as they each left, they patted me on the shoulder and told me everything was fine and not to worry.

Mother and Ken came over and took me upstairs. When we got to my room, I just broke down fully, and the tears seemed like they would never stop.

I don't remember how I got undressed, or how I got in bed, but when I woke up to use the bathroom, I was in my beige nightgown that came to my ankles. I finished in the bathroom, and went back to bed.

Chapter VII - Around the house

I woke up to the sun, and looked at my alarm. I had overslept and missed my morning classes. I wonder what Dr. Hinckle will say when I tell him why I missed his class? I went to use the bathroom, and Ken was just coming out.

"Ken, may I talk with you? I overslept and I don't think Dr. Hinckle is going to like why I missed his class."

"Come on sister, let's talk"

We went to her room, and she sat on her bed, and I sat in her desk chair.

"Ken, what happened last night? How did I get in bed?"

"Your mother and I brought you upstairs, and got you into your nightgown, and covered you up. Why?"

"Because it seemed like a weird dream. I was shopping and bought all kinds of nice things, then mother bought me some jewelry, and then we came back home. I don't really remember getting the jewelry. I remember getting some clothes. But how did I get the jewelry or did I?"

"You don't remember the meeting when we got back?"

"No."

"You're mother got you all that jewelry, after she saw you had pierced ears. Girl, you know your mother is really supporting you. She bought you that jewelry because she wants you to look as feminine as possible. Not that you don't now, but in a few years, you will look even more feminine, and that's a good thing."

"I still don't remember. I'm going to need boots too for this winter.

"You got a pair yesterday when we were clothes shopping. It doesn't snow a lot here, but what we get stays until spring. Boots will help keep your feet warm when you have to go outside."

I went back to my room and just laid on the bed. I don't know why, but I fell asleep again, and didn't wake up until almost five o'clock. Then I remembered that it was my turn to make the dinner tonight. I asked Ken if she would help, and she said yes.

We went to the kitchen, and looked around until we found everything we needed. I opened the fridge, and took out the roast. I decided we were going to have oven stew tonight. Simple, yet filling. I turned the oven on to three hundred and seventy-five degrees to pre-heat. I rinsed off the roast with cold water...ohhhhhhhh that gets cold, and set it in the pan. I put in just enough water for basting, and then I began to peel the potatoes. Kendra started peeling the carrots, and cutting the ends off of the celery. I also got out three tomatoes, and sliced them in slices like you would for a sandwich. After we got all the vegetables done, we put them in a pan and rinsed them very thoroughly. Then we placed all the vegetables around the roast, and set it in the oven. It had to cook for about thirty five to forty minutes, then we were supposed to test the temperature of the roast with a meat thermometer. If the meat thermometer said one hundred and sixty degrees, the roast was done. The oven had a timer ding thingy on it, so that when the oven stew was done, the oven would ding. When we heard the sound, I took the oven stew out of the oven. I cut the roast into slices, and set it on a place mat in the center of the table. I picked up a miniature of a school bell, and rang it. The table was set, and everybody that was home came down to the dining room. My job was not only to cook the meal, but to serve the first serving. Then I could serve myself and sit at the pledge table. There were three of us this semester, but I had been grandmothered in because of my mother. I think she did have something, no a lot, to do with getting me in Gamma Delta Phi. Addie said she would see me on campus, and would charge only a small amount. That was fine with me. Oh yeah, uhm we weren't allowed to talk while we were sitting at the pledge table during meals, and that was why I did a lot of thinking. When I went to my psych professor the first day after I was allowed to move into the Gamma Delta house, all she asked me was, am I happy. I told her yes, and she said that was all that counted. Dr. McClellan was my pysch professor for my second class in the morning. Everybody looked like they were finished eating, but they stayed a little longer talking. But they were talking in hushed tones. I wonder what they're saying. Anyway, after a bit they started leaving, and I and the other pledges went to work cleaning off the table. I had kitchen duty today, and Brenda, a petite blonde, with hazel eyes, had the laundry. So Brenda took the table cloth and put it on a chair in the kitchen, and we cleaned up the dining room. Then we washed the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen.

After we cleaned up the kitchen, I went to the basement with Brenda and helped her with the laundry. Let me say this though. Gamma Deltas are not lazy, and they do do their own laundry. What we did were the table cloths and the kitchen towels. We also had to clean the floors, the bathroom, and do the dusting. We helped each other, because the work got done faster, and that is what we do as Gamma Deltas. If someone needs help, then we help if we can. Every time we helped, our shadows would report this to the tribunal, and we were scored on it. The tribunal took our scoring very seriously, because it showed them we were serious about becoming a full sister. All of the girls took turns though, doing things. It's just that pledges did the jobs that most people would grumble about. When we did our chores without complaining, it was noted that we had the attitude that Gamma Delta Phi was looking for. Sometimes a pledge scored out, and she was then told to leave, but politely. None of us though, were told anything, except we were doing really good, and were sure to successfully complete our probation. The small problem sometimes was when we needed help, and every pledge was doing something else. If we went to another pledge and had to ask for help, it was scored against us. The other two pledges always volunteered as did I.

After everything was done, and the table cloths and towels were dried, folded and put away, we decided we needed to change. Since I did the bathroom, I felt I needed a bubble bath. I went in my room and got out my turquoise mitred skirt, powder blue T, and a complete set of underthings. I got out my flip flops, and went to take my bath. I ran the water and put in a capful of rose scented bubble bath, and let the suds foam up. After they looked like a mountain, I got undressed and sat in the tub, and just relaxed. Alyssa, another one of the girls came in, and had to go, but nobody was embarrassed, because this was a sorority, and we were all female. Alyssa washed her hands, and left, and didn't even say a word. She will later on though. Alyssa was also a cheerleader. Her blonde hair was at the middle of her back, and her deep blue eyes were very piercing. She always looked like she was looking through you. She was nice though, and she was taking pre law. She wanted to be a lawyer, and I could just pity any jury having to face her. I washed all over and rinsed what suds were left with the shower head.

I patted down with one of my absorbent terry towels, and began to put my lotion on. After the lotion was massaged into my skin, I sprinkled some body powder on, and got dressed. I rinsed out the tub, and made sure it was wiped out as well. I then went downstairs, and Kendra came over.

"Hi pledge. I understand that when the girls use the toilet when you are in the tub, you don't look at them. They have been giving the tribunal reports on this. So far, you are doing great. See, some of the sisters still don't think you are serious about becoming a full sister, and they don't think you are serious about having the sex reassignment surgery done. I told them that they were wrong, and you have to live as a female for one year, before any surgery can be done. All they said to me is; 'we'll see.' I know that you are one hundred per cent female in there," She pointed to my heart. "So if someone questions you about your motives for being here, what are you going to do?"

"Nothing. I'll just tell them what I told you, and what I told my mother, and Addie. But I can understand their reluctance though. This is the first time a male has actually been allowed to pledge this house. Isn't it?"

"Yes Jean," she giggled. "This is the first time someone like you has been allowed to pledge our house. I didn't want to tell you this, but there is a rep coming from national next week Sunday. She is going to observe you, and give a report to the national committee. See, we had to tell them we allowed a transgendered male to female person to pledge our house because her mother is a past president. They are the ones that told us to go ahead. Now they want to see how much of a woman you really are. I know that you are a woman, Paul knows that you are a woman, your mother knows too. You have impressed the tribunal here, and I know that you will impress the woman from national. You just keep doing what it is that you have been, and everything will work out great."

"Why wouldn't I do what I have been? I'm a woman. I always have been. This is my dream, and it has come true. I have always wanted to be physically female, and I am on the road to having that come true. This woman from national can observe me all she wants. I am not going to do anything different, and I certainly will not do anything to disgrace Gamma Delta Phi, because you all have been very nice in trusting me to live here as the girl I am. I want to be a full sister, and I am not going to let anything, or anyone stop me, including me."

"That's my girl. Well, what are you doing tomorrow, after classes?"

"I haven't really thought about it. Maybe I'll just go for a nice walk, to get a little exercise."

"That sounds good. May I go with you?"

"Of course. Then we can talk, or look at the guys, or just walk. Sound like fun?"

"Sounds good to me," and we giggled.

The rest of the day, I just stayed around the house, getting to know where things are a little better. I met a couple of the girls in the lounge area, where we study when we don't want to be in our rooms. They looked up at me, but didn't say anything, and went back to their books. I figured it will take a while for them to trust me fully. I left the lounge, and went outside, and sat on the all too familiar bench. Kendra asked me why I was sitting there, and I told her of my little experience in the lounge. I told her that I was just a little saddened that they can't trust me enough to talk to me, to find out things.

"I mean Ken, if they want to know, why don't they just ask? It tears me up inside."

"Oh honey, don't let them bother you. If they don't want anything to do with you, then you are better off by far. They're the ones with the problem, and if they don't want you for a friend, then who needs them."

"I suppose you're right, Ken, but it still hurts though."

"Tell you what. I'll talk to a few of them, and see just what the real problem is. If it is because they don't trust you, or don't think you are serious about wanting to be a full sister, which you are showing that you do. Or if they don't think you are serious about being a woman, then we need to air this out in a house meeting. Because this does have to stop. Listen, I'm going to go and talk to them, you sit here as long as you need to."

"If I'm not here, I'll be in my room."

"All right, but enjoy the sunshine girl, because we aren't going to have many more decent days like this, for a while."

Kendra went inside, and I just sat there. I tried to listen to the birds singing, and I tried to guy watch, but none of it did any good. I was kind of sad, because some of the girls didn't trust me. I only wish they would talk to me, ask me why I am the way I am. Anything, but this silent treatment. I sat there for a while longer, and then I went inside, and up to my room. I laid on my bed, and just closed my eyes.

I don't really know how long I slept, but it was almost light outside when I woke up. I had slept in my clothes, something I have never done before this. I got up and looked at the clock. It said five thirty. It has to be morning, because I started making dinner at almost six. I got up, and got my clothes for the day together, and went to run my bubble bath. As the suds were piling up, Lydia came in. After she was done, she asked me how things were going.

"I guess all right. There are some of the girls who are giving me the silent treatment. But otherwise all right."

"I see. We never give another girl the silent treatment here, even if she is a pledge. I think we need to have an in-house meeting, because this has got to stop. I had heard that some of the girls believe you are just here so you can say you at least pledged. They don't think you are serious about being a full sister, and they don't believe that you are serious about being physically female. They don't say anything to you in the bathroom, because they don't want an argument. But we are going to have to stop this. Just between you and I, Jean, I think you are doing great. When your probation is up, you will have earned your sorority pin. Also Jean, I'm in your corner, because Lily and Kendra have nothing but good reports about you. There are other girls too that give us, on the tribunal, reports about you too, and all of them are good. So the ones who are giving you the silent treatment, are going to be told that this isn't what Gamma Deltas are all about.

"When this sorority was first founded, it was by a group of twenty girls that were not accepted at other sororities. The bylaws were drafted, a name was chosen by drawing it out of a large mixing bowl. When each of them had their little slips of paper, the votes were counted, and Gamma Delta Phi was born. That is why we accept girls from all walks of life, and scholastic interests. Is Colleen one of the girls that is giving you the silent treatment?"

"Yes she is. She just walks right by me like I'm not even there. I have tried several times to talk to her, but she just walks away without saying anything. Not even a 'I don't want to talk to you.' It makes me sad that they can't see me like the others do."

"All right, listen. There is a rep coming from national on Sunday. She is coming here specifically to observe you. I am going to print up a flyer and post it on the board, telling everyone that on Sunday, we are having an in-house meeting, and all girls are required to attend. I will let the rep from national know what has been going on, and she will not be pleased. Just let it slide until then, Jean. I am sure we can iron this all out then."

"All right Lydia, thank you."

"It's all right, Jean. I know you will make a very good addition to our sorority. But another thing too is, this is the first time anybody with a male body has been allowed to pledge as a sister. So, maybe this will all be okay after you are presented with your pin. The pin is a breast cancer ribbon with the Greek letters representing Gamma Delta Phi. So just be patient Jean, everything will work out."

"All right," I said getting undressed to get into the tub. She wasn't even embarrassed that I was naked.

"I like that scent. By the way, I haven't seen you shave yet."

"When I was younger, I had pulled my leg hairs out with a tweezers, and my underarm hairs too. My underarms bled a little, but I was able to get it done. My face tho, is another story. I have never had a beard, so I never had to shave there. There were a few scraggly hairs tho, and I pulled those out with the tweezers too."

"Ouch! Didn't that hurt, pulling all of that hair out?"

"Well yes, at first. But then I got used to it, and it didn't hurt anymore.

"Wow! I still can't believe that you did that. But that shows you are serious about being one of us, both ways; as a Gamma Delta, and as a woman. I for one, think it's great."

"Thanks, Lydia."

She left, and I washed all over, and rinsed off with the shower head. I got out of the tub, and patted down with a soft terry towel. I put on some lotion, and the body powder. I got dressed, and went back in my room to put my makeup on. I put on my eyeliner first, then the eye shadow, then I put on my mascara. I then put on my foundation, then the face powder, and I was very careful not to smudge my eye makeup. I put on a rose lipstick, and I was ready to go to class. Just as I grabbed my sweater, Lily opened her eyes.

"Morning Jean," she said in a sleepy tone.

"Morning Lily. I have to get to class. I want to talk to you when I get back."

"Mmmm all right," she said, still half asleep.

I got into class just on time. My professor told me I just made it. Then she asked me if I was all right. I said yes, and sat down.

"Jean, would you see me after class, please?"

"Yes ma'am."

She went on with her lecture, and then started asking the class as a whole what would they do as a psychologist, or psychotherapist, if they had a gay or transgendered client. Jimmy Wiggins was the class clown. He had a smart remark for everything.

"Uhm Professor, I'd kick him in the pants, and tell him to be a man, if it was at all possible."

"Jimmy, you are not going to be a very good therapist of any kind, if you keep that attitude. How many in this class know the distinction between gay and transgendered?"

"They both have two sets of genitals."

"Do they? What if you have a female to male transsexual?"

"I'd teach her what a real man is like."

"Tell me something Jimmy. Are you a real man?"

"You know it."

"Jean, please stand up."

I stood up, and looked right at Jimmy. Jimmy was about my height, maybe an inch taller, and he thought he was the toughest thing next to the footbal line. Actually Jimmy was just talking big, because he was trying to compensate for his being short for a guy.

"Now Jimmy, would you say that Jean needs to act like a man?"

"Uhm, no way prof. Jean is all girl, and we know that she is also a Gamma Delta pledge.

"But Jimmy, you said you would tell a male to female transsexual to grow up and be a man. Why wouldn't you say that to Jean?"

"Because there is no man inside of Jean, and she couldn't be a man, if she tried. No disrespect, Jean."

"None taken." I sat down.

The entire class knew about me the first day I went in as Jean the girl. The girls all told me I was very lucky to be allowed to pledge Gamma Delta. The boys all asked me for dates, and they would have still been asking, if they didn't know that Paul was my fiancá¨. What I liked about being a Gamma Delta was, that I could turn to any one of the sisters for help, except maybe the ones that were giving me the silent treatment. After class was over, Jimmy came over and apologized. I told him there was no need to apologize, because there was no harm done. I made my excuses, and went to see the professor.

Dr. Cynthia McClellan, PHD MD was very pretty for a professor. She always wore dresses or skirt sets. I have never seen her in a pair of jeans, or capris, or any other type of pants. I knocked on her office door, and she said to come in.

"Oh Jean! Good. Please sit down." I smoothed my skirt underneath me, and sat down. "Jean, as you know, you are getting good grades here in my class, and in the other three as well. I have the option of ending your probationary pledge at Gamma Delta, and have you made a full sister. The rep that is coming from national on Sunday, is going to observe you. That is why she is coming. What I think I'll do, is write my report on why you should be made a full sister now, as opposed to the end of the month. Yes Jean, I'm a Gamma Delta too."

"But Dr. McClellan, that wouldn't be fair to the other pledges. They work just as hard as I do, and get good grades too. I wouldn't feel right being made a full sister now, and they have to finish their probation. Dr. McClellan, I know you mean well, and are looking out for my interests, but, would you have even suggested this if I weren't the daughter of a past president?"

"I am very impressed. Any other girl would have jumped at this opportunity. I am very proud of you, Jean. You are everything I heard you were. I will make out a report for the rep, and give it to her when she gets here. What I am going to say, you'll just have to wait to find out."

"Was there anything else, ma'am?"

"No Jean, you may leave. Have a good evening."

"And you too, Dr. McClellan," I said, smiling as I left.

Chapter VIII - The National Representative

So Sunday we were having a visitor from the national headquarters of Gamma Delta Phi. She was coming here to specifically watch me in everything I do. Well, she was in for a big surprise, because I was not going to do anything different than what I have been doing. Why would I? Dr. McClellan said that she could write a report that would make me a full sister, now. But that wouldn't be fair to the other pledges. All week long, I was just going about my chores and my studies, and then it was Sunday. On Sunday I went to chapel for a bit, and when I came back, the lady from national was there.

Kendra, Lily, and Lydia were talking to her, when I came in the door.

"Jean," Lydia said, "This is Becky Simons from our sorority's national headquarters. She is here to watch you, in everything you do. Her report will tell national either they were right in telling us to go ahead and let you pledge, or she will tell national they made a big mistake. We have been telling Becky what we saw, and she has seen the reports from your shadows, and the other girls. She is impressed so far. It is what you do from now until she leaves, that will go on her report. Do you understand why she is here, Jean?"

"Yes I do, Lydia. And it is nice to meet you Becky. The first thing I need to do, is change out of my dress. I wear this for Sundays when I go to chapel."

"You go to chapel, Jean?" Becky asked. Becky was my height, and she was dressed in jeans and a tee, with white runners.

"Yes I do, Becky." I looked at the floor, because it made me sad that I wasn't accepted in a regular church.

"What's the matter, Jean? You sound and look very down."

"It's just sad that the so-called Christians can't find it in their hearts to let me worship in the same church as they do. That's why I go to the campus chapel."

I saw her write something in the notebook she carried with her. Then she asked me what else I did on Sunday, and I told her that I usually just went to my room, and studied until dinner was ready. Even though we made things for ourselves, we had the communal dinner in the dining room. This was started by the founding sisters of Gamma Delta Phi, because it was considered a social gathering.

"Well Jean, may I go up with you, and just visit, while you study?"

"Of course, Becky. I like to bounce things off of Lily when she is in the room. I'm taking psych courses, because I want to be either a psychologist, or a psychotherapist. I haven't decided which one, yet. But I will before graduation tho."

"Why would you want to be a psychologist, or even a psychotherapist?"

"Because I want to help others like me, so they can get the needed confidence to be themselves, without shame. There are too many transgendered that are still in the closet. They have to have someone in an official capacity to help them through their transitions. I hope to be one of those professional persons."

"That is a very noble attitude, and one very becoming of a true Gamma Delta. I can see that by the way you carry yourself, and the way you talk, that you are feminine, at least inside. That is a good thing though. When we are the person inside, then we project that persona on the outside too. So far, I have seen a very decent woman, with a very determined attitude to succeed. Are you ready to go up to your room?"

"Yes, Becky."

We went up to my room, and I sat down on my wooden table chair. I sat with my back straight, and my arms close to my side, instead of way out like a guy would do. She wrote something in her notebook, and she sat on the edge of my bed.

"It's all right if I sit here, isn't it, Jean?"

I turned around with a very fluid motion, and told her it was all right. Then I went back to turning on my computer. When it came up, I opened my sociology book, to the chapter we were discussing. I started to review what Professor James had said about being patient with an impatient client. Professor James was your typical balding, older professor who was trying to be younger than his years showed. I think he was trying too hard though, because some of the guys in class were talking about him, like he was just another piece of trash. But he was alright though, and he knew quite a bit about handling clients on the social worker level. I had two sociology classes and two psychology classes, each one discussing the different aspects of each profession. When you are a psychologist, you have the benefit of both psychology and sociology, with the major being psychology.

As I did my studying, she was writing things in her notebook. I discussed a few things from my books, that I needed to get a different perspective for, and she was impressed that I went into my studies so thoroughly. After a few hours of studying, and I finally had my thesis printing, I stretched a little, and then covered my mouth when I yawned. She was also impressed by this.

"You seem tired, Jean. Is this the end of your study period?"

"Well kinda, for now anyway. That was just one subject. I have a minor report to hand in on the other class, but I usually do that a little later on. Right now, I just go for a walk, to limber up from sitting so long. Then I come back right around dinner time, and then after dinner, I do the studying for the other class. That pretty much takes care of my Sunday."

"I heard you have a fiancá¨. Do you ever have any study periods with him?"

"Not really, even though that would be nice. Then I could use him for a faux client."

"What is his name?"

"His name is Paul, and he is in the weight lifting club. I have known Paul since we were ten years old."

"Well that's a plus, I must say."

"Paul takes me to movies, out to dinner now and then, we have gone to the zoo, for drives in the country. He has taken me bowling, and we just go for walks so we can be with each other and talk."

"Does he ever try to take advantage of you, when the two of you are alone?"

"Oh no, Becky. I wouldn't allow that, and if he tried, I would end our relationship, and our friendship. Like I said, we have been friends since we were ten years old. Paul isn't only my fiancá¨, he is my best friend too."

"I can see you are a woman who is proud of herself, and her best friend. That's a good attitude. I have a best friend too, and she always calls me. I had to tell her I wanted a rain check for today, because I had to come here and evaluate a pledge. She understood, and I came here."

Just then, Paul was let in by Lily. He came over to me, and gave me a big kiss, and I responded in kind. I introduced Paul to Becky, and he shook her hand.

"Jean, I just came by to see if you wanted to see a movie at the Grand."

"I'd love to, Paul. Just let me get ready."

"No hurry, I'll just wait right here."

I went upstairs with Becky, to get ready to go out with Paul. I looked in my closet, and took out my powder blue, knee length dress. I went in my dresser, and took out a complete set of under things, and took out my powder blue pumps with the two inch heels. I took out a package of stay up thigh high stockings. Then I got undressed except for my under things, and put my robe and slippers on. I took off my makeup, and went to take a nice bubble bath. Becky went with me, and didn't even bat an eye as I got completely undressed, and got in the tub. I sat there sponging the water all over me, and then I slid down in the water, to get my hair wet. I sat back up, and then took the lavender shampoo, and washed my hair. All the while, Becky was writing things in her notebook. As I finished my bubble bath, I pulled the plug, and rinsed off with the shower head. While I was rinsing off, I put a little conditioner in my hair, even though my shampoo had conditioner in it.

I stepped out of the tub, after rinsing my hair completely, and patted myself down. Becky wrote something in her notebook. I then put my robe on, and stepped into my slippers, and went to get dressed. After I had my slip on, I sat down to put my makeup on. Becky wrote something in her notebook. After my makeup was on, I stepped into my dress, and asked Becky if she would zip me up. She did, and then wrote something in her notebook. I used my hair dryer, and made sure my hair was dry, then I put it in a neat, high pony tail. Becky wrote something in her notebook. I then put my nylons on, and stepped into my pumps. After looking at myself in the full length mirror, I was ready for my date with Paul. I went downstairs, and did a twirl for Paul's inspection. He stood up, and whistled that wolf whistle of his. I could feel the heat in my face, that told me I was blushing.

He offered his arm, and we left for the student parking lot. Because Becky was supposed to be evaluating how feminine I am, she came along with. She would be sitting a few rows behind us, so she could watch me. We parked a block away from the Grand theater, and walked to the ticket booth. He paid for all of our tickets, and we all went in. He bought a box of Jujubes and two small sodas. Becky didn't want anything.

The movie was Hook and I sat transfixed to the screen, because I had always liked Peter Pan. I laid my head on Paul's shoulder, and I knew that Becky was writing in her notebook. When the movie was over, and the lights came on, I had to blink my eyes a couple of times, to get used to the light. Paul and I walked hand in hand back to his car. Becky sat in the back, and Paul and I sat in the front. After making sure everyone had their seat belts on, Paul started the car, and we left to go for a leisurely country drive. Paul and I carried on a conversation about how I was doing at the sorority, and he looked kind of saddened when I told him a few of the girls were giving me the silent treatment. Becky wrote something in her notebook, and then asked Paul why he looked saddened.

"Because Becky, Jean is a very nice woman. She always has been female inside. When we were kids, she never wanted to do anything that was considered male. She just couldn't act like a boy then, because there has never been any boy in her. Now that she is grown up, she is a very fine woman, and for other women to give her the silent treatment, is unfair to Jean. Becky, Jean tries her best to make friends, and she succeeds for the most part. But there are always those die hards that have to be convinced that someone is serious about being a friend. In Jean's case, they are wrong for not talking to her about their concerns."

She wrote something in her notebook, then she took a very serious tone. "Paul, Jean, rest assured that I am going to get to the bottom of this. We never give anyone the silent treatment, even to a pledge. Jean, we allowed you to pledge Gamma Delta Phi, not because your mother is a past president, and alumni, but because this is the twenty-first century, and we need to put our past prejudices of society aside. We accepted you because our credo says we should help those that need help. You needed our help to have one of your dreams come true. From what I have seen here today, not only will you make a fine addition to our sisterhood, but you are going to make a very fine woman as well. It looks like the reports I have seen from others, are all true. When we get back to the house, I have a surprise for you."

Paul parked the car in his parking space, and we all went inside the house. I looked around, and thought it was funny that there was no one sitting in the front room. The doors to the study were closed. I went over and opened them, and I got the shock of my life. Everybody was there, and they yelled "SURPRISE!" I was nearly knocked off of my feet. Then Kendra, Lily, and Lydia came over, and escorted me to a chair in the middle of the room. Lydia, surrounded by the entire sorority, stood in front of me.

"Pledge Jean McMillan, it is with great privilege that by unanimous support, agreement, and consent of the sisterhood of Gamma Delta Phi, I present you with this pin. Welcome sister Jean McMillan to Gamma Delta Phi."

I cleared my throat. My pledge wasn't up for another week. Why were they giving me my pin now? Becky cleared that up.

"Miss McMillan, you are no longer a pledge. You are a full sister in the Gamma Delta Phi sisterhood. You now have an international network of resources you can call on, if need be. There are many chapters of Gamma Delta Phi throughout the U.S., Canada, Australia, as well as France, Luxembourg, Poland, Germany, and Italy. You have proven beyond a shadow of any doubt that you are a true sister, and a lady. Again, welcome Miss McMillan to the Gamma Delta Phi sisterhood."

I started crying because of this. I was very happy that everybody had consented to my being made a full sister. But then, something crept up in the back of my head.

"What about the other pledges? It isn't fair to them, if I am made a full sister, and they're not."

Just then both of them came up to me,and showed me their pins. We hugged so tightly I thought I was going to pass out. I looked at the pin that was in the shape of a breast cancer ribbon and had three letters shaped like an upside down "L", a triangle, and an "O" with an "I" through the middle. I was told that the "O" with the "I" through the middle symbolized that we are an all female society, dedicated to the welfare of others. I was a lady by unanimous consent of the sorority, as well as in attitude. My mother came out of the crowd, and gave me a big hug, and said the female side of the family is now complete. She also said that when Paul and I finally adopt a girl, she too will follow the females of the family and be pledged to Gamma Delta Phi.

"Mother! You mean this was already all decided. Even before today?"

"Yes dear. Becky needed to evaluate you, to make sure that our decision was the right one. Becky, will you please give us your report?"

"Yes Mrs. McMillan, thank you. There are many sisters here that have been giving the tribunal reports about our pledges. But because one of them has a birth defect, we were watching her just a tad more than the others. After shadowing this young lady around all day, today, I have come to the conclusion that Miss Jean McMillan will not only be a wonderful addition to our sorority, but that she will make a very decent woman too. So it is with great pleasure that I will report to our national headquarters that we made the right decision. As I said Miss McMillan, welcome to the Gamma Delta Phi sisterhood."

Everyone applauded, and there were "speech, speech" comments from the sisters, so I just said a few words. "Thank you all. Everybody has been so kind, and so..." I trailed off as the tears just came pouring out. Becky just had to take this another notch.

"If there is any doubt that Miss McMillan is a woman, just look at her. She is modest, and she cries when she is happy. In my humble opinion, Miss Jean McMillan will be a wonderful sister, and who knows, may even be elected president of this chapter. You have my vote Jean, if I could vote, but I have my fingers crossed for you. You will be eligible to run for president in your junior year. Now enough of this, there are refreshments in the dining room. Let's mill around and welcome our three new sisters into the Gamma Delta Phi sisterhood."

We all went to the dining room, where there were cakes, pies, cookies, punch, lunch meats, potato chips, corn curls, cheese curls, and in the middle of the table was a box of Jujubes with my name on them. I looked closer, and it said, "to Jean, from Paul." I picked the box up, and Paul came over, and gently took it from my hands. I looked up at him, and he was smiling as he opened the box.

"Jean, please close your eyes." I did. Then I felt something being placed around my neck. "All right, Jean, you may open your eyes, now."

I opened my eyes, and felt around my neck. It was a necklace. I went to the living room, and looked in the mirror. I saw the most wonderful ruby necklace I had ever seen. I ran up to Paul, and gave him a real bear hug.

"Thank you, darling. Thank you so much."

Then he took me in his arms and kissed me on my lips. I just sank into his arms, and let him kiss me. I didn't care if the others were looking, I just melted into Paul's embrace, and let him take me away in to the clouds above. I was so into being held by Paul's strong arms, when I heard a distant voice. It kept getting closer and closer, and seemed to be calling my name. Then the voice became very clear, as I heard my mother calling to me.

"Jean dear, that was the delight of a young girl showing her appreciation for being given something nice. But we don't want to over do it, now do we?"

I giggled as I said, "no mother."

Paul and I mingled through the house with the other sisters. Then someone put the stereo on, and the girls began dancing in the middle of the living room. Paul led me out, and took me in his strong arms, and led me around the living room. Oh my gosh! He is so romantic. I put my head on his chest, and just followed him through the dance. When the song was over, Paul took me over to one of the settees, and had me sit down, while he went to get us a cup of punch.

I accepted the punch with a smile, and thanked him for getting it. I could not believe what just happened. I was pledged to my mother's house, I made a lot of friends here. I did my job as was required of a pledge, and now a few weeks later, I am a full sister. I have some very important heels to fill, because if I disgraced myself here, I would also be disgracing mother. I am now officially a Gamma Delta Phi sister, and I am in transition to complete my goal of being physically female. I am engaged to be married to my best friend since childhood, and I am by consent of the whole sorority, as well as attitude, a lady. Oh my gosh, what more could a girl ask for?

Chapter IX - Mother And Shopping

It was going on midnight, and everybody was making their excuses that they were tired, so all the guests started leaving. Mother came over to me and gave me a big hug, and told me we were going shopping again on Sunday.

"I love to go shopping. Where are we going?"

"Well we need to get you a few more jeans and tops. Winter is going to be here very shortly. This is still fall yet, but very soon it will be very cold. You need warm clothes. So, we are going shopping on Sunday. Besides, now that I have my daughter, I want to dote on her a bit."

I thought, a bit, wow mother, you have already spent over a thousand dollars just on clothes alone. Now don't get me wrong, a girl can never have too many clothes, but mother has been buying my clothes for me, but I pick them out. It is really nice though, to have a mother that wants me to be happy.

I went to my room after mother and I hugged and said our good nights. I got out my peach nightgown and panty set, put my peach robe on, and stepped into my slippers. I was way too tired to take a bath, so I just hopped in the shower to get the perspiration off of me. I stepped out of the shower, and patted myself dry, and got into my night clothes. As I was toweling my hair dry, I looked at my reflection in the full length mirror. I smiled inwardly at the figure I have been working on since high school. Coming out of my daydream, I went back to my room, and took all of my clothes and put them in my hamper. I'll have to wash clothes tomorrow after classes are done, anyway. I put my robe across the foot of my bed, and my slippers were where I could just step into them when I awoke.

I got into bed and fell asleep right away. I dreamed I was at the prom and Paul was leading me around the dance floor. He kept twirling me, and holding me, and then when the band was taking a break, he leaned over and ... that's when the alarm went off. Mornings! Who needs them? I smiled inwardly at the thought. I got out of bed, and began looking for my clothes for the day. Today I wanted to be business like, and took out my turquoise skirt, shell, and blazer set, and I laid it carefully across the foot of my bed. My under things were simple white, and my turquoise pumps with the two inch heels. I took out a pair of stockings, and laid them next to my skirt set. I got into my peach robe, stepped into my slippers, and headed for the bathroom. As I got near, I heard the shower going. One of the girls was already in there. Okay Jean, you've been in there before when other girls were there. Why are you hesitating now? Just one foot in front of the other. I slowly inched my way toward the bathroom. One thing about these old houses is, there is only one bathroom. It has a nice old fashioned cast iron bathtub, and the shower was put in later.

I opened the door, and peeked in. Cynthia was taking her shower, because she had classes too this morning, but usually I beat her in. This time she beat me. I set my things on the little stand next to hers, and used the toilet. Cynthia was just rinsing off, as I was done, and she smiled at me.

"Good morning, Jean. That was some night last night. Wasn't it?"

"It sure was. I was really tired after everything I did yesterday. I'm very happy that I am now a sister of Gamma Delta Phi. I would be even happier if I were completely female. But I am on the path for that now. So just another eleven months and I can make the dates to have everything completed. I wish it could be now tho."

"In time sister Jean. We all have to wait if we want to succeed. Like me, I am taking business admin, and when these next two years are up, I get to work in the business field. I don't know what business though, but something where I can be creative. Maybe something in fashion. I just love working around nice clothes and helping people find the right look for them."

"Yes, I guess I am just in a hurry." We both giggled.

"Don't be sister Jean. If we are going to do something well, and we want good results, the wait will be worth it. Like when you went to the salon the day of the pledge dance. You were in there for four hours. But the results were worth the wait. Weren't they?"

"Yes, they certainly were. I never saw Paul look at me like that before."

"That's because he was looking at you for the very first time. That is when he saw Jean the girl, and not the best friend he hung around with when you were kids. You have a good man in Paul. He really looks out for you."

"Thank you, Cynthia. I really appreciate that."

"Oh just call me Cindy." She gave me a hug, and said she had to get going. I turned on the shower, and stepped in. Not enough time for a bubble bath this morning. I took my berry scent body wash, and put some on the sponge thingy, and just washed all over. As I was washing, I felt tingly sensations in my breasts. I kind of drifted into a daydream about Paul and I. We were at the pledge dance, and I was being carried off in a four horse drawn carriage after the dance was over. Paul was sitting next to me in the coach, and took me in his arms, and held me in a firm but romantic embrace. Oh my gosh he is just so strong. Then his lips met mine, as we started to kiss. Then another girl came in, and wanted to know if I had drowned. It was Kendra. I said no, and we both giggled. I rinsed off, then I washed my hair. After rinsing all the suds out of each strand, I got out and patted myself dry. I put on my under things, and my robe, and stepped into my slippers. I went back to my room to put my makeup on, and get dressed. I sat there looking at myself in the mirror after I had my makeup on. Even with the towel over my hair, I still looked like a woman. My features are very delicate, and I have high cheekbones. Even my chin was rounded, rather than square like a man's. I just sat there looking at the girl in the mirror when Lily said.

"Girl, you are going to wear that mirror out. I know why you are looking at yourself, but girlfriend you have to know that hair or no hair, clothes or no clothes, you are beautiful as you are." She got out of bed and took the towel off of my head. "Now we are going to make you gorgeous." She took my brush and started brushing my hair.

I wasn't going to argue. If she wanted to brush my hair, then I was going to let her. After she was finished brushing, she took the ribbon I was going to use, and tied my hair in a high pony tail. Then she took two butterfly barettes, and put one on each side, just above and in front of each ear. She brushed the bangs into place, and then had me look in the mirror again. What I saw, I couldn't believe. The girl that looked back at me, I didn't recognize. It is amazing what a different hairstyle can do for a girl's appearance.

I got up, and went over to the bed, and started putting on my skirt set. First I put on the shell, then my blouse. Next I stepped into the skirt, and made sure it was over the blouse. I lifted my skirt so I could tug the blouse into place, then let my skirt back down. I put the blazer on, and looked at myself in the mirror. Not only did she make me gorgeous, but I didn't even know it was me. I smiled at the thought, and figured Paul was in for a treat.

I put my books in my backpack and went to class. Dr. Hinckle, my first class professor, kind of did a double take when he saw me walk in. Everybody else was in their jeans, ordinary skirts and tops, and here I was in my business skirt suit. I walked to an empty seat, and sat down, smoothing my skirt under me. My Gamma Delta Phi sorority pin was proudly displayed on the left lapel of my blazer. The pink breast cancer ribbon stood out on my blue blazer, and was a good fashion compliment. Dr. Hinckle was lecturing how to conduct a session with a client. So he called on me to be the therapist.

As we went through the exercise, he pointed out certain things a good therapist does, to make the client feel safe and secure enough to talk to the therapist. He pointed out that demeanor is most important from a therapist. If the client sees, or thinks he or she sees, a hostile demeanor, then the client is apt to either be silent, or be hostile too. The latter is not a good thing. When the bell rang for the end of class, Professor Hinckle thanked all of us for participating, and complimented me on my suit. I said thank you, and started for my second class for the morning.

As I walked in to Dr. McClellan's class, she noticed my sorority pin right away. "Jean, that is a very good compliment to the suit you are wearing. The pink offsets the color of the blazer. Would you stay behind a little after class? I want to talk to you."

"Of course, Dr. McClellan."

We all took our seats, and Dr. McClellan started her lecture. It was about how we need to be aware of our client's need for acceptance and love of who the client is. She also said that it is not up to us to tell the client who he or she should be, if we disagree with who the person claims he or she is, or wants to be.

"Jean, will you please stand up. Now everyone in this class knows Jean is a woman, and has been accepted as a sorority sister at Gamma Delta Phi. Is there anyone in this class that thinks Jean should be a man, simply because she was born in a male body? Remember that what you say will reflect what kind of a counselor, therapist, or psychologist you are going to be."

Debbie Haskins started. "Professor I think a person should be who they have to be. I understand that transgendered persons are actually born the way they are, because they have the feelings deep inside that they are really the opposite sex in the wrong body. I learned from the internet that these feelings start at a very young age, maybe even at birth. I also learned too that the sex hormone in the brain can determine sexuality seven weeks after conception. Jean is who she is, because she was born female. She just has a birth defect that needs correction."

Debbie Haskins was your everyday woman. She was pretty, but she never held it over anyone. She was smart too, and helped others with their studies. She would make a wonderful Gamma Delta, but she didn't pledge. Dr. McClellan complimented Debbie for her insight, and asked her what kind of therapist was she going to be.

"I'm going to help transgendered persons gain the confidence they need to be themselves. Jean is who she is and is proud to show it to the world. And I, for one, would like to be counted as one of Jean's friends. Not because she is transgendered, but because she is a decent woman, and does what she can to help others."

"Debbie, I would love to be your friend. And thank you for the wonderful compliment."

We sat down, and every woman in class saw my sorority pin, and I could see the envy in a lot of eyes. What Debbie said was very nice, and it made me think about how far I have come in just a short time. I was interrupted in my thoughts by Dr. McClellan.

"...Jean."

When I heard my name, I came back to reality. "I'm sorry professor, I didn't hear what you said. I was off daydreaming again." Everybody laughed a little, and Dr. McClellan repeated what she said.

"What I said Jean was that everybody knows who you are, and why. Then I asked if you and Paul were going to set the date for your wedding."

"I'm not sure when we will set the date, professor. I mean, I have a lot of things that have to be completed yet. I think we are going to wait to set the date. That way I can have everything I need completed. Then we can get married."

"Does anyone have anything to say about what Jean just said?"

Nobody raised their hand, But Jimmy decided he wanted to be funny, again. Dr. McClellan called on him.

"Professor, I think what Jean needs is a good man to show her what fun really is. I..."

I cut him short. "Jimmy, what will you do when I tell Paul what you just said? I am not surprised you would say something like that, though. I am very disappointed in you thinking that you can be a good therapist."

"I'm not going to be a therapist. I'm going to be a psychiatrist, and psychiatrists don't have to make sure the client feels safe, or secure talking to a stranger. My..."

"Jimmy," Dr. McClellan cut in. "I am a psychiatrist, and yes Jimmy, we do have to make sure that our client feels safe and secure in talking with a stranger. Who told you we didn't?"

"My dad told me. He's seen four psychiatrists in as many years. He said they were the nastiest people he has ever met. Then he told me when he saw I was going to college, that I should take pre-med and psych courses so I can go to med school, and be a psychiatrist, then I could be his doctor, instead of the jerks he's been seeing."

"So your father wants to have a decent therapist to see, and not someone with an attitude problem. Is that what you're saying, Jimmy?"

"Yeah, I guess so, professor."

"Then why are you trying so hard to flunk out of my class, as the class clown? You owe Jean a very heartfelt apology for what you just said to her."

"I don't apologize for anything to anybody, including you professor. If you flunk me out of this course, my dad and I will sue you."

"And how many witnesses do you think you will have, Jimmy?"

Jimmy looked around and saw everybody looking at him with eyes, that if they could, would throw fire right at him, including mine. I think I will tell Paul what Jimmy said. It would serve Jimmy right to have a scare put into him. I may be female, but I am not afraid of the likes of Jimmy Wiggins. I smiled inwardly at Paul putting a scare into Jimmy. Of course Paul wouldn't hit him, he'd just make Jimmy think he would. I smiled inwardly at that. Jimmy has to be taught an invaluable lesson in manners, because he doesn't have any. Jimmy sat down because all of a sudden his jokes, as he liked to call them, weren't funny and no one was laughing.

Dr. McClellan dismissed the class when the bell rang. I stayed back and let everybody leave. Then I went to talk to her.

"Did you want to see me, Dr. McClellan?"

"Yes Jean. I just wanted to know how it is going at the Gamma Delta house."

"It's going great, professor. I never thought I would actually be a Gamma Delta let alone be treated as the woman I am. It really feels great to be accepted by the sisters of the house my mother is a past president of. I mean everybody is really nice, and the ones that were giving me the silent treatment are talking to me now. Colleen even said she would help me with anything I needed. It's great professor."

"Well I am very happy that everything is all right there. I am worried about how you are getting along. Maybe one of these days when I'm not busy, I'll stop by. I just have a lot to do with getting my lectures in order, and grading essays. You just know that I have gotten emails from some of the alumni that want me to keep them informed as to how you are doing. With you doing so well, national has said they may even try having a transgendered person pledge another chapter. You actually had an in, so to speak, because of your mother. That was the reason you are where you are now. Of course I understand that Kendra helped push it a little. But I'm glad to hear everything is going good."

"I don't know professor, I still think this is a fairy tale dream, and I am the princess waiting to be kissed by the handsome prince."

"Did I hear my name?" Paul asked, poking his head in Dr. McClellan's office door.

"See Jean, all you have to do is call your handsome prince, and he shows right up. All right, you two have fun. And Jean, welcome to womanhood."

"Thank you, professor."

Paul and I left, arm in arm. Paul walked me back to the Gamma Delta house, and on the way I told him about what Jimmy Wiggins said in class. I told Paul that I didn't want Jimmy hurt, but he needed to be scared. Paul said he would put a real good scare into him. I told Paul it's a shame that people have to learn the hard way, but Jimmy needs a really good lesson in manners, because he doesn't have any. Paul said that I am his fiancá¨e and nobody should be talking to a lady that way. He said he won't hurt Jimmy, but he will make sure that Jimmy will never say anything like that to me again.

We got to the Gamma Delta house, and I invited Paul in. He sat on the sofa in the living room, while I went upstairs to change. As I got to my room, Lily was just coming out of the shower.

"Hi Lily, how was your day?"

"It was so-so. I started not feeling well in class today. I have an appointment tomorrow to see my doctor."

"Let's hope you're not pregnant, Lily. I would hate to have to lose a good friend and roomy."

"No, I don't think I'm pregnant. I haven't had sex for about two months. But I do feel feverish though, a little. It could be the flu. It is going around."

"Then maybe I should see my doctor too, if yours says it is the flu."

"Well let's wait and see what she says. I have a female doctor too. I really don't trust men doctors at all."

"My doctor is an alumni here, and she can make sure you get checked out the right way."

"So is my doctor. It seems when we were pledged here, we were steered toward Gamma Delta Phi alumni. That actually makes it easier too, because then we can relax a little. My doctor is very good too, and I will bet mine knows yours." We giggled a little at that, because it was probably true. It seemed like all the Gamma Delta alumni knew each other, or knew how to get through the network because of the guide that is sent out by national every time there is a Gamma Delta graduate.

Our president is Lydia, who also heads the tribunal. She was very instrumental in helping Kendra form her plan to get me in. I guess that Kendra saw things nobody else could or did. When she saw me, and she saw mother's portrait, she knew I was related, then she did some digging in the student files and found out my name. She knew who I was even before talking to me that first time. Now I am a Gamma Delta, and on my way to my final female goal.

I went back downstairs, and visited with Paul for a few more minutes, like a two hour few more minutes. I giggled out loud.

"What?"

"Oh nothing, Paul. I was just thinking of something, is all. So, do you have any classes tomorrow.? It's Tuesday, and normally you go to the weightlifting room."

"I have class in the afternoon, I lift weights with the weightlifting club in the morning. I have to get back to the dorm and start on my essay. How about we go out Saturday night, and we have a nice dinner on Friday?"

"Why Sir Galahad, I would love to go with you to dinner on Friday, and out for whatever on Saturday."

I laid my head against his shoulder and looked up at him with a little helpless look in my eyes. He looked down at me, and lifted my head. Then he kissed me on the lips, and said that would have to last until tomorrow. He made his apologies and left for his dorm. Kendra, like a worried mother, must have been watching, because she came out on the porch deck that goes the width of the house.

"Looks like Lady Guinnevere can't stay away from her Sir Galahad for too long."

"Kendra, were you watching?"

"Yes, I feel a little responsible for you still. You are actually new to these feelings. I know you have wanted this all of your life, but the hormones are giving you "girl" feelings, and they are showing. You acted like a fox, pretending to be shy, when all along you wanted him to kiss you. Like I said before girlfriend, I've created a monster." We both giggled.

"There is nothing wrong in wanting a kiss, and to be held by the strong arms of a man, especially when the man is mine." We giggled again.

"But just make sure that that is as far as it goes. Sex has it's place, and an embrace and a kiss on the front porch is okay, but no indecent touching. You are a lady now, and you have to be above personal wants and desires when you are in public. Behind closed doors is another matter, because nobody can see you. We all like a kiss from our beaus when we can get them. But we have to show constraint."

"I know that I have had these feelings for years, and years, but, oh my gosh Ken, he is such a hunk."

"I can't argue. You picked a good man to be your protector. But just remember, when you two are in public, you must always be a lady and never do anything that is unlady like."

"Oh I know Ken, and I won't. I'm not ready for sex right now anyway. When everything is completed, and we are on our honeymoon, then I will know what sex as a female is like. But not right now, though."

"Let me ask you this then. When you look at him like you did tonight, what kinds of feelings go through you?"

"I kinda get this tingly feeling all over me, and then, I'm not sure what to call it, but I feel airy, exotic even, my mind tells me that I should let him kiss me and hold me. I just don't really know how to describe these feelings, but they do make me feel ultra feminine. If you know what I mean?"

"Yes Jean, I know exactly what you mean. Your hormones are taking effect right now. Have you had that procedure you were telling me about?"

"No, not yet. Everything has been moving so fast for me, that I completely forgot. I'll call Dr. Burns tomorrow and set it up for a week from Friday. This Friday he is taking me to dinner, and then Saturday we are going out. So I guess I will tell Dr. Burns that we can have it done next week Friday."

"Well, this is only Tuesday, and I for one am waiting for you to have that procedure. Then the girls will really be more at ease when they can see that you look like they do between the legs. Right now, there is some apprehension...not in a bad way, but just a sort of uneasiness. I accepted full responsibility for you when you pledged, and I will still be responsible for you. Jean, I am your friend, and I want you to succeed. Like everyone has said, even Becky, that this is the first time we have ever done anything like this. But this shows other sororities that not only are we above being petty, jealous, and nasty, but that we can transcend the gender barrier, and allow male-to-female transsexuals into our fold. I for one, am very glad that you have shown us that you are a lady, and what I saw tonight, showed me that you are a real girl. The way you looked at Paul is how a natural girl is when we are with our beaus. You did good tonight, not allowing him to touch your behind, or breasts, or put his hand where it doesn't belong. Only a lady would do that. I have seen girls from other sororities let guys feel them up, when they are kissing even on the compound. So just remember that you must always be a lady."

"Yes mother," I said in mock sarcasm. We both giggled, and then went inside.

Colleen, the girl who started the silent treatment when I was a pledge, came over to me. "Jean, I just want to apologize for not speaking to you when you pledged. But I was just concerned that you were kind of infiltrating our house as a fraternity prank, just to pull one over on us. But I was also looking out when you were kissing Paul. You're not a plant. You are a real woman, because only a real woman would enjoy a kiss like that. To tell the truth, watching you two almost took the breath out of me." We all giggled, and Colleen gave me a hug. "Welcome sister Jean to the Gamma Delta Phi sisterhood."

Now as I said before, Gamma Deltas are a true sisterhood, and when Colleen apologized just now, I knew it was genuine, because nobody was twisting her arm. Sometimes doubting Thomases need to be reminded that faith goes a long way. But everything happens for a reason, I guess. That's what mother always says, anyway. I thought about that for a moment.

Mother said I was born a male for a reason. My father's genes created this body, but God created my soul. Did this happen, so that the things I went through during the last month, would end up like they did? Hmmm. But what other explanation is there?

"Can I ask you two a question?" I asked both Kendra and Colleen.

"Yes," they both said in unison.

"Mother tells me that things happen for a reason. She even said I was born the way I was for a reason. Could my being born in this stupid body, and having a female soul, and pledging Gamma Delta Phi, and being engaged to Paul, and just all in all being a female, be the reason I was born this way?"

"You know what sister Jean, you asked a very deep question. A long winded question, but very deep too. I think you were born to show us that the gender gap is already transcended in you. What I mean is, you were born a male, but have a female soul. So the gender gap is already crossed inside of you. You were allowed to pledge our house, and then made a full sister three weeks later. You have shown us that not only are you all girl, but a lady too. That is what I think you were born to do. Show us that even a male body can be female."

"Thank you Ken, that really means a lot to me coming from you. Colleen, what do you think?"

"I have to agree with Ken. You were born to show the feminine world, just how lady like someone like you can be, regardless of the body type. You have really shown me, at least tonight anyway, just how much of a girl you really are, and not allowing Paul to indecently touch you, shows how much of a lady you are, too. We take being a lady in this sorority very seriously. Jean, I for one wish you a lot of luck in your chosen field. I understand your taking psych with Dr. Hinckle and Dr. McClellan. They are both good instructors. Dr. McClellan is one of the alumni of Gamma Delta Phi, but I think she already told you that." We all giggled when I said yes she did.

"Jean, the whole thing is, you are you, and you have been put here to teach us that acceptance, friendship, love, and trust are very important in the world today. Like Becky said, you now have access to Gamma Delta alumni all over the world, except in the orient, and some European countries. But as our alumni grows, so will our chapters. Hopefully we can get chapters in every country. But right for now we have them in the western allied countries of the US of A. We don't have chapters in Norway, Sweden, Holland, or Denmark either right now. Maybe someday though. So like Ken said, your body the way it is, and your soul is just the opposite, the gender gap is already crossed inside of you.

"When you were sitting on that stupid bench looking like you lost your best friend, that was when Ken came to all of us. She had us look at you sitting there like a lost kitten, we just had to find out more. Ken started snooping around, because we knew you were related to past president McMillan, but we didn't know your name. Ken called her friend in the records office, and had her look up your name. When we were told your name, Ken went out to talk to you. Like Ken, we thought you were just gay, and that would have precluded you from pledging our house. But Ken was all excited when she found out you were transgendered. Then she really started bending our ear. Lydia was sympathetic, and told us that it was time we knocked the gender barrier back a bit, and at least allowed male-to-female transsexuals to pledge our house, because they were women deep inside of themselves. And she also said that just because male-to-female transsexuals have a different body than us, that does not make them any less of a woman. You have allayed our fears that you were only going to pledge and then back out when you were presented with your pin. You have shown all of us, even when we gave you the silent treatment. What did you do then? You went out and sat on the stupid bench like the world just fell on your shoulders. You told Ken about it, you told Becky about it, you even told Lily about it. You didn't get mad, you got very sad. We're very sorry we put you through that, but we had to be sure."

"I understand. I guess, maybe ... no that wouldn't have worked if I just came right out and said I wanted to pledge. You would have laughed me right off campus. I have gone through a lot in the past month, and I am very grateful for this opportunity. Maybe after my surgeries are all completed, I could try out for the cheer leading squad. Maybe."

"You have to be very graceful to be on the squad, and from what I have seen, you are. Most of the cheerleaders live here, so I can talk to them. When we have try outs, say next semester, maybe you can try then. I am very sure that with your determination, you will succeed in that too. But first I have to talk to the squad and see if they will at least let you try out."

They told me what I needed to hear. I had to agree with them though because it made sense. Mother was right, I was born male for a reason, this reason. I will talk to mother when she comes on Sunday to take me shopping. Maybe she will agree. It was getting to be dinner time, and it was Kendra's turn to cook. I went in the kitchen and helped her. I prepared the salad, by shredding the lettuce. I peeled and cut one cucumber, and the same with one carrot. I put in a sprinkle of bacon bits, and then I rinsed it all in the colander, and put the salad in a large bowl on the table. Nobody but me liked onions, so I didn't put any in. I set the table, and put the condiments, including the salad dressing in the center of the dining room table. Dinner tonight was simple. Kendra made meat loaf, potatoes, and whole kernel corn. When the meatloaf was done, Kendra took it out of the oven, and set it on the stove. She cut it into slices so everybody got one slice. We ate only one helping of anything, because we were actually watching our figures. Besides, ladies don't gorge themselves on food. Food is for the purpose of keeping us alive, not to make us fat.

After dinner Kendra and I cleaned up the dining room, and she washed and I dried, and we both put the dishes away. After making sure the stove, sink, and floor were clean, Kendra went to her room, and I went to mine. When I got to my room, I got a real surprise. Sitting on my desk was a brand new cell phone. It was purple, and flipped open like the communicators on Star Trek. Huh? Oh no, I'm not a Trekkie or anything, it's just every now and then I watched an episode. My shows are Reba, and Hanna Montana. I think Hanna Montana does have a message for young people. But I guess too many are just watching it because of Miley Cyrus. She does sing good though, maybe even better than her daddy. I smiled, because the thought reminded me of the Doris Day and Rock Hudson song I Can Do It Better Than You. I smiled to myself again. There was a note with the phone.

"Dearest daughter, please accept this gift from a doting mother, who only wants to hear her daughter's voice now and then. I know you're busy making new friends, and you are still getting settled in a new environment, but would you please give your poor old mother a call sometime?"

Oh my gosh! 'poor "old" mother', yeah and I am Queen of England. So I flipped open the phone, because I just knew she would be waiting for my call. I dialed her number, and then went and laid on my bed. She answered after only two rings, which told me she was either holding her phone in her hand, or she was sitting on it, or by it. I laughed to myself. She said hello.

"Hello mother, I found the strangest thing on my desk when I came up after dinner."

"You did, dear? What did you find?"

"I found this really pretty cell phone sitting on my desk with a note that said, 'please give your poor old mother a call sometime. Since when are you my poor "old" mother? I'm your little daughter that just...just wants...wants..." I broke down crying. I needed my mother now, when I heard her say into the phone.

"Honey, I'll be right there."

I don't know how long she was sitting in the chair, but when I woke up, she was sitting on my wooden desk chair. As soon as she saw me open my eyes, she came and sat on the bed. I sat up and just hung on for dear life. I don't know what frightened me, but I knew that I needed her.

"Honey, I know things are going a little fast. But let's take this one day at a time. Listen, there is always one room open in case an alumni needs to spend a night or two. So I have my overnight bag in the car. What say you get up and take a nice bubble bath, and we will go down and get my bag, together. I have to tell Lydia I'm over for a few nights. Oh sweetie, you are so fragile, you always have been. That's what makes it so easy for you to be who you are. You are my daughter sweetie, and I love you with all of my heart. So go and take a nice bubble bath, and we will go out and have a mother/daughter day. You can call in ill, and then you can relax for the rest of the day. I will let Cyndi know you will be out of class for today. I'll have her bring your homework over, after she's done for the day. Were there any essays or anything you needed to turn in?"

"Yes, in my backpack. My assignments for Dr. Hinckle are in there too, and my afternoon classes too."

"All right, I'll take care of that. You go and get your bath."

I went to take a nice relaxing bubble bath, while mother took my assignments to my professors. She would tell them that I was upset, and she didn't think I should attend classes tomorrow. So while she was doing that, I went to take my bath. As I was sitting in the tub, just relaxing, and letting the suds take my troubles away, I thought about all of these events that have happened. It has only been a month since I was allowed to transition to complete womanhood, and pledge my mother's house, and was elected as a full sister three weeks later. My mother no longer disagrees with my choices, and I don't think she ever did, but just wanted to see if I would change my mind. Hmmm, can a leopard change its spots? No, it can't, and I can't change my mind.

Mother came back from talking with my professors, and washed my back for me. She hasn't done this since I was eight years old. I just let her do her mother thing, because she also washed my hair too. I washed all over, and rinsed the rest of the suds off with the shower head. I got out of the tub, and took the towel mother was holding for me. I patted down, and got into my teddy and panty set, and stepped in to my slippers. Then we both went to my room. We didn't say anything, and when we got to my room, mother just tucked me in. That is something else she hasn't done since I was eight years old. Then, as I laid there under my covers, she sat on the edge of the bed, and just made sure I was all right. Then she did something that was totally unexpected. She laid down next to me, and put her arm over me. I felt so safe like that, I fell asleep.

With the bubble bath, and mother's arm over me as I laid in bed, made me sleep really well. When I woke up, it was already ten o'clock. I looked over by Lily's bed, and she was gone. I didn't hear her come in, and I didn't hear her leave. I got up and stretched, and then decided I needed another bubble bath.

I put on my robe, and stepped in to my slippers. I went to my dresser and got out a pair of stay up thigh high stockings, my lavender cami, and a lavender half slip. I went to my closet and got out my lavender bra and panty set, and my lavender, knee length dress. I picked out my lavender pumps with the two inch heels. I saw that my legs needed a little repair in the hair department, so I took my hair removing cream with me. I laid my dress, half slip, and stockings, on the bed, and put my shoes on the floor by the bed. I took my bra and panty set with me to the bathroom, and ran my bath. I had my bath caddy with me, so everything I needed was in there, except the depilitory. When the tub was full, I turned off the water, and lowered myself in.

I just sat there relaxing, thinking about what mother had just told me. I just didn't really know what to really think about all of this. I felt the water starting to cool, so I took my bath sponge thingy, and washed all over. I didn't wash my hair, but I put on my shower cap, and rinsed the suds off with the shower head. I dried off with a soft terry towel, and put my deodorant, lotion, and body powder on, then I put on my bra and panty set, and got into my robe and slippers. I went back to my room, and sat at my desk, and turned on my makeup mirror. I put on my lavender eyeliner, and a light lavender eye shadow that had glitter in it. I put on a light foundation, and a little darker powder. After I was finished, I put on my half slip, and stepped into my dress. I sat on the bed and rolled my stockings up each leg, and then stepped into my pumps. I looked in the mirror and saw that my hair needed to be repaired, so I brushed it out. I put a butterfly clip on each side, in front of each ear. Then I took a clear bigger clip, and put my hair up in the back. I made sure everything was straight, and then went downstairs to wait for mother.

Mother came in the living room, and sat down. She looked at me with loving eyes, when she told me what Dr. McClellan said.

"Honey, Cyndi said to tell you to just relax for today, and just enjoy yourself. She said that when she feels like she is carrying the world on her shoulders, she goes shopping. That's not a joke either. We really do relax when we are shopping. Men just go in, grab what they need, and leave. We actually stay and enjoy the experience. So let's have a mother/daughter shopping trip. We'll make a day of it."

I felt just like I did when I was small. I hugged her, and she held me until I felt safe enough to let her go. I looked up at her eyes like the child I felt like, and let her hold me a while longer. I don't know what it is, but a girl actually feels safe knowing her mother is there for her. I let go of her and told her I was ready to go. She looked at my face, to make sure my makeup was still intact, and we left for the alumni parking lot. After she saw I was buckled in, we left the parking lot, and headed for the mall.

We got there just a little after they opened. Mother found a parking space near the door. After she locked the car, we went inside. I was in my second home. I had dreamed about shopping with my mother, ever since I was very little. Now that dream has come true. We started on the floor level, and went from store to store, trying on this outfit, and that outfit, until we came to a small boutique that sold clothing for the teenage girl, and since I was only eighteen, this was my store. But I am a lady vowed to, elected as, and conditioned as also. So my clothing had to be acceptable not only by other women, but by society as a whole. I picked out the first dress and went to try it on. It was light blue, and had a stemmed red rose that circled the skirt. The end of the stem started on the bottom left side, just above the hem, and finished with the rose in the front center just under the waistband. There were two red roses on each side just below the shoulders. This would be acceptable, but only when I went out with Paul. I couldn't wear it to school functions, and I couldn't wear it for socials in house. The dress came right to my knees, and fit like a kid glove. So, if all I could do is wear it when I was out with Paul, then this is the dress for me. I put the dress very carefully across my arm, and I looked at a few more, but I didn't like them. We paid for the dress, and the lady put it in a plastic sheath. We took the dress out to the car, and went back and started where we left off. It was almost lunch time, but I was having a lot of fun just looking, and trying on outfits.

We looked around at a few more stores, and found a jewelry store that sold really pretty rings, necklaces, bracelets, anklets, and jewel studded barettes and combs (the kind you put in your hair). We looked around at all the jewelry, and mother decided I needed more. So she bought me a very nice Citizen ® Eco-Drive Silhouette bracelet watch. It had five diamonds above and below the watch face. It had a push button jewelry clasp for the bracelet. I tried it on, and it was very chic, and very pretty. A lady's watch to be sure. Mother paid for that, and the lady put it back in its box, and then she put it in a small bag with the name of the store on it. I carried this too, and when we got outside of the store, I sat on one of the benches, and put the watch on. The lady had set it to the correct time, and then mother said we should get something to eat.

We took the dress, and the bag with the watch box out to mother's car, and then we went back in to the food court. I ordered only a salad with a small tea. Mother ordered a crispy chicken sandwich meal, with coffee. We found a seat near the aisle, and we weren't even there five minutes, and a guy came over and wanted to know if we had boyfriends. The nerve of some guys. When we said yes, he just sat down and said, well now you do. Mother said she had to go to the ladies room, and the guy fell for it. I have seen him around campus, so I know he goes to my school. We both went toward the ladies room, and we kept walking out to mother's car. We got back to the school, and we went right in the house.

Chapter X - Paul

We went right to my room, and put my dress away. I laid on my bed and just looked at mother.

"Why didn't that guy at the mall listen when we said we had boyfriends?"

"Because some men are like that, honey. We can tell them forever that we are taken, and they will say something like, 'yeah you are taken, with me.' It doesn't matter what we say, they just don't seem to care. I did take his picture with my cell as we were walking away from him. The idiot even smiled. I will give this photo to the campus police, in case he comes around here. I think for now though, as long as we are on campus, we're safe."

"I have seen him around campus though. I'm not sure what classes he has, but he does go to school here."

"Then the campus police must know about him. If he tried that with us, then he may have tried it with other women on campus. I'll tell you what, you go and take a nice bubble bath, and I will run this over to the campus police office and let them copy it. I will be right back. Just go and relax for a bit. He isn't going to come into the house."

Mother and I hugged, and she went to give the campus police his picture, and I took out a pair of jeans that had a nice heart on the left back pocket. I got out a powder blue cami, and white underthings. I figured I'd wear my flips, so I didn't need any stockings, or socks.

I took my clothes and my shower caddy with me into the bathroom. I started running the water, and put in some jojobba bubble bath. I looked at my hair, and figured I should wash that too. I turned off the water and lowered myself in to the tub. I used my big bath sponge to run the water over my back and my front. I looked down at my chest and saw that my breasts were developing very well. They were already at a B, and it wouldn't take long before they were Cs. Maybe in a year tho. I sponged all over, and over my hair to get it wet. Then I took the jojoba bubble bath and put some in my hair and massaged it in. The scent was heavenly. I washed my hair again, and then I was done. I let the water out of the tub and rinsed off with the shower head. Just as I stepped out and started patting myself dry, mother came in.

"I gave them the picture and told them what he was doing. They said every officer will have his picture. Mmmm, you smell very pretty. Oh! I forgot to tell you. Bobbie set up an appointment to have your little procedure done, for Friday morning. This way the girls won't be so shy around you. I mean they trust you and everything, but seeing your birth defect, they kinda get a little put off by it. So Bobbie is going to hide it, until we can get your surgeries completed. You have several months to go yet, but you are doing beautifully."

"Thank you mother. Mother, I know I shouldn't be in a hurry, but when I was in the tub, I looked down at my breasts and saw they were developing very well. I was thinking that maybe in another year they could be C's."

"Well, yes they could be. But that would require a little more hormones than what you are taking now. I can ask Bobbie if she can give you hormone shots every so often to help you develop a little faster. But you shouldn't be in a hurry though, because you are developing very well. Of course, you are only eighteen, and some girls your age are only at a B now. If you want to, I can talk to Bobbie. The hormone shots would be every three months, and they are time release hormones. You would still take your regular hormones, and the time release ones will work with your regular ones. So, what do you think?"

"If it will get me a little bigger here (I pointed to my chest), then I'm all for it."

"Of course," she giggled as she was talking, "you do know that these developments don't happen overnight. It takes time to fully develop. Genetic girls sometimes take until in their twenties to fully develop. What we call late bloomers. But if this is what you want, I will have Bobbie schedule your first shot."

"All right. This is what I want."

"All right, and I know why too. You just want to impress Paul."

"How did you ever guess, mother?" We both giggled.

Yes, I wanted to impress Paul, and I wanted him to see me as a very beautiful woman. Oh my gosh! I forgot to call him. I went over to the phone and called Paul. When he answered I said I had to talk to him right away, and would he meet me at the bench outside of the sorority. He said all right, and I waited for him to show up before I went outside. When I saw him by the bench, I went outside to talk to him.

"Paul, mother and I were at the mall today, and this creep came over by us and asked us if we had boyfriends, and while we were saying yes, he said 'now you do', and sat down by us. Mother made an excuse that we needed to go to the ladies room, and we just kept walking out to mother's car. Mother did take a photo of him while we were walking away. Mother said the guy even smiled, thinking it was a keepsake. It is a keepsake all right, in the campus police office. Please come into the sitting room, and I'll get mother. She can show you what he looks like." We went in, and Paul sat down on the settee, and I went to get mother.

"Mother, Paul is downstairs in the sitting room, and I want you to show him that picture of that guy. Maybe he knows him."

"All right dear, let's go and talk to Paul."

We went downstairs, and Paul stood up as we entered the sitting room. "Hello Paul," mother said extending her right hand. Paul took mother's hand and kissed it. He is so chivalrous. "Why thank you, Paul. I have a picture I would like you to look at." Mother showed him the picture.

"Yes, I know this guy. David Kelp. He's not too swift upstairs, and I always wondered how he ever got into college. I'll have a talk with him, and let him know that his picture is going to be plastered all over the campus. I am also going to tell him, because I don't think he knows that you are my girlfriend, that he is to leave you alone. I will tell him that if I hear one complaint from any female on campus, or from an alumni, he and I are going to have wall-to-wall therapy with his head. The campus police already know him though, because he has been given tickets for fighting, and drinking in the public areas of the campus."

"Is he dangerous, I mean around women?"

"No, he just thinks that all girls are out looking for him, because he keeps saying he's the mister right you're all looking for. He'll back off when I talk to him. Mrs. McMillan, I don't like to fight if I don't have to, but I will protect Jean, and you if necessary from guys like David. So now that we have the trash taken care of, how would you and your mother like to join me for dinner? I thought we'd go down to that Italian restaurant on James Avenue."

"That sounds wonderful, Paul. I would love to go to dinner with you and Jean."

"I would love to, too Paul. Mother will you keep Paul company while I get dressed?"

"Yes dear, I would be delighted."

"But, you're already dressed," Paul said.

All I said was, "oh Paul!" Then I giggled.

I went upstairs to get into something that says I am a woman. I picked out my cream colored dress, my cream bra and panty set, and my cream pumps with the two inch heels. I took a pair of thigh stay up stockings, and a cami. Since I already took a nice bath, I took my time and got dressed. I put on my bra and panty set, and just stood there looking in the mirror. Mother said not to be in a hurry to develop, but I was. I'm eighteen and I missed most of my teens as a girl, I wasn't going to miss my twenties. Paul said I was beautiful, but I want him to see me as I should be...ravishing. I sat down at my desk and turned on my makeup mirror. I took out my lavender eye liner, and started to apply it to my upper eye lid. I looked at myself in the mirror as I was putting it on, and I saw my mother staring back at me. Then her words came back to me about not being in a hurry to develop, because I am more developed than some genetic women in their twenties, and I am only eighteen. I then put the eye liner on my lower lid. I took my lavender eye shadow that had the glitter in it, and applied it to my upper eyelid just above the eye liner. I did the same to the other eye, and then I was finished. I still wondered what it would be like if I were a C or even a D cup. I took out my dual foundation powder, and brushed it lightly all over my face. I didn't have any acne, or scars or imperfections on my face, so I only used a light once over. I put my cosmetics back in the kaboodle, and went over to the bed and picked up my dress. I stepped in to the dress, and zipped it half way up, and then I used a hanger to zip it the rest of the way. I sat down and put on my stockings. I rolled one up my left leg, and did the same with the right. I made sure they were on firm, and that there were no runs, and then I stepped in to my pumps.

I looked in the mirror to make sure everything was straight and the way it was supposed to be. Satisfied, I went downstairs. As I sort of floated in to the sitting room, Paul let out one of his wolf whistles. All mother could do was sit there and beam, that her daughter found favor in a nice young man's eyes. Paul came over to me, and I kissed him with the passionate fire in my heart. After we stopped kissing, I took out my compact, and put on my light pink lipstick. I didn't put it on before, because I knew Paul was going to kiss me. After we had come down from cloud nine, Paul held the door for us, and mother and I went out.

Since Paul was taking us out, mother wanted to drive us in her car, but Paul said this was his treat, and we would take his. When we were out on the road, Paul headed toward the restaurant. James Avenue was on the other side of town, so we had about twenty minutes to get there. What we didn't know though, is that Paul had already made reservations for the three of us. So he had already decided to take mother with.

I was wondering why he wanted mother to come with us, and he said that because of her, I was the beautiful lady he fell in love with. I did wonder at times, if mother hadn't been there for me, and agreed to help me, just how would I have gotten this far in so short of a time. Well, I'm here now, and that is all that counts. Paul turned in to the restaurant driveway, and parked a ways from the door. This restaurant was always busy, and it stayed open until midnight. They had the best Italian food in the whole area. A lot of students even went here when they wanted to go to a fancy dining place.

We went in and the Maitre d' seated us in the non-smoking section. He gave us our menus, and told us our waitress would be right with us. She came a few seconds later with three glasses of water. Her name was Emily, and she was young. She said she had seen me on campus, and then noticed my Gamma Delta Phi pin. She said she wanted to pledge but didn't know if a sorority was for her. I told her that she should pledge anyway, because Gamma Delta Phi wasn't just any sorority, but accepted girls from all walks of life, all academic structures, and didn't care if they were a cheerleader or in the chess club or sewing circle. It didn't matter, because if you are a girl, you can pledge Gamma Delta. She said she would think about it. Paul ordered the linguini for all of us, and we said we would take our drinks now. Paul asked if we wanted tea, and we all said that was fine. Emily took our orders, and left. She came back a few minutes later with our tea. We sat there and talked about how we could get Emily to pledge Gamma Delta, and I had an idea.

"Remember when I wanted so much to pledge Gamma Delta, and all I could do was sit on that bench? Well, what if I took Emily on a tour of the house? I mean, she could see how we do things, and see that we have girls from everywhere, and not just cheerleaders either. I don't know why everybody thinks cheerleaders are snobs. Most of the varsity squad lives right at Gamma Delta. So if I took Emily on a tour, maybe she would pledge. Maybe."

"Honey, you are so right. Since she goes to the college, you could find out what classes she is taking. Then you could bring her over to the house. But you let us know when you will be bringing her. I want to make sure all the girls are home. It would have to be some time after classes are over for the evening. Then we can really show her what Gamma Delta is all about. I think we can also set an extra place at dinner too, and then she can ask all of the girls questions about the house and how it is run."

Emily brought our food, and while she was setting it in place I asked her if we could meet for an espresso or cappuccino sometime. She said she would be delighted, and all I had to do was catch her between classes. After she set our orders in front of us, I asked mother if it would violate our house rules if I found out from the registrars office what classes she was in.

"No dear. It would be if you were doing it for some evil purpose, or personal gain for yourself. But this is so we can get a girl to pledge. Of course we would have to think of a very good reason we want that information, because even Gamma Deltas can get fired. So let me see. I think that we will say you are looking for a cousin, and you want to know what classes she is in. The Gamma Deltas all know who you are, so all you have to do is get her last name."

"That sounds like it would even work, mother. I..."

I was cut off by Emily coming by to make sure we were satisfied and if we wanted anything else. Paul asked what kinds of dessert did they have, and Emily recited from memory. Paul ordered himself a slice of Dutch apple pie, and mother and I said we were full. We thanked Emily for such wonderful service, and Paul paid the bill. We asked for a refill on the tea, and we sat there for maybe another twenty minutes talking about how to get Emily to pledge Gamma Delta Phi. After we had a good plan in place, we left the restaurant. After leaving the restaurant and we were on the road, I looked back through the rear window at the restaurant. I shifted back into my seat when Paul reminded me that I should have my seat belt on.

During the ride back to the campus, I couldn't help but think about all the things that happened, and all the things I had learned. Even though we can practice makeup, fashion, and hair techniques, being a woman is a lifetime learning experience. Like a woman who is not married, or has never had a sexual fling, doesn't know what it is like to be a mother, and a mother is constantly learning from the time her child is born, until either she passes or the child passes before her. Learning for everyone is an every day thing.

Emily just has to pledge Gamma Delta, because then she will be a part of something; a sisterhood that has international members. I am proud that I was able to pledge and become a full sister, but I can't just let it end there. I have to make sure that whoever can pledge our house, will be able to. What was it they said to me when I was talking to Kendra? 'You are just another girl pledging our house.'

When we got back to the sorority, mother and I went up to my room, asking Paul to please wait in the sitting room, while I changed. Paul asked if he could have something to drink, and Joy, one of the other girls asked him if would like coffee, tea, soda, milk, or hot cocoa. Because it was just a tad chilly outside, Paul asked if he could have a hot cocoa, if it wasn't to much trouble. Joy said of course, and went to get it. Joy was another native American with pitch black hair, and doe-like brown eyes. She had a very nice figure and her personality could win Miss Congeniality.

We talked a little more about Emily. She was a nice girl, and she needed to belong to something that was real. Gamma Delta was very real in both substance and personality. There was nothing amiss about the girls who belonged to Gamma Delta. The first sorority in the history of any college, anywhere, that accepted a transgendered male-to-female person in their ranks as one of them. That is the best compliment a girl like me can ever get from anyone. Acceptance, love, trust, and friendship, are the tools we build our lives with. All too often we are misunderstood, and are beaten, killed, disowned by our families (well not me, but others), ridiculed without mercy, or thrown in jail on hideous charges.

When will society learn that we are just normal women, in an abnormal body? Oh well, for right now I am accepted, and every Gamma Delta Phi alumni is my sister. That is a very great feeling. So I know how it is to want to belong to something good, but too shy to actually go for it on my own. Emily needed a catalyst, and I was going be that for her. Once she pledges Gamma Delta, she will be able to actually gain a little more self-confidence, and be able to go places and do things, she wouldn't otherwise do. We had made a plan to get her to pledge, but what if I went just a little further than that. I mean, when Emily told us she was thinking about pledging but backed out, then I knew it was just a matter of self-confidence. But how to get her to have self-confidence was another matter. She worked as a waitress to pay for her college tuition. I wonder if she would be interested in selling something on the side; like cosmetics. I wonder though. Avon is popular because of their low prices, Mary Kay is expensive but very good. I wonder if she would be interested in selling either of these. I think I will talk to mother about this. I know she doesn't have the money to get started, but I am very sure that mother will help. Selling cosmetics isn't like selling vacuum cleaners. You don't go door to door, you just seize whatever opportunity you can; in a restaurant, a supermarket, drug store, nail shop, hair salon, where ever you can talk to someone. Mary Kay has a pin you wear for everyone to see. A lot of times this will start a discussion. There are a lot of women who have heard of Mary Kay, but don't have the money to buy it. There are a lot of women who use Avon, because the prices are in their budget. I will have to talk to mother and see if we can't help Emily come out of her shell just a little further.

"Mother, I was just thinking. Emily seems a little shy, and waitressing will give her a little more self-confidence than what she has. But I was wondering if we couldn't help her get into direct selling, like cosmetics. I mean, if she sold cosmetics and actually had to sell herself as well as the product, then she would gain more and more self confidence. I just know she would."

"Slow down, girl. My goodness when you want something, you go right for the juggler. Okay, I will tell you what we will do. We will stick to our original plan. You get her to pledge Gamma Delta Phi, and we will slowly get her into selling whatever, even if it is working a second job. But that may not be wise with her class schedule. Direct selling is her best bet. It not only will help her gain more self-confidence, but will give her a little more spending money, and who knows, maybe even be able to pay her tuition that way too. So that is our plan for right now. She has to pledge Gamma Delta first, then we will go into phase two."

"Thank you, mother," I said, giving her a hug.

I was changed and we went back downstairs. I sat next to Paul, who said he was on his third cup of cocoa, because he didn't know if we were ever coming back. I made a light slap on his shoulder for that remark, and then Paul had a weird idea.

"Jean, Mrs. McMillan, would you ladies like to accompany me to a movie? There is one playing down at the Grand tonight at seven."

"I can't Paul. May I take a rain check? I have to get back home, I have some things I have to do for work for tomorrow. But you two go, and have a very nice time."

"What's playing, Paul? Something I would like?"

"Yes my love, something you would like. This is an old movie, but it keeps getting better and better every time I see it."

"Will you tell me what it is?"

"No. It's a surprise."

I gave that pouty, 'I'm sad' look, and mother said she had to be going. I gave her a hug, and we all went out toward the parking lots. Mother went to her car, and Paul and I went to his. When we got to the Grand, we were a tad early, so we sat in the car, and just talked.

"Paul, why do you love me?" A woman asks herself this over and over in her lifetime, just to reassure herself that her mate actually does love her.

"Why? Because you're a beautiful lady, inside and out. You have morals that a lot of people our age don't. You have manners, and every time somebody does something for you, you always say 'thank you'. You dress properly, and you don't take any lip from anyone. I don't think you have ever been more beautiful than you are right now. You know I was told something once, by someone I know very well. A little girl is just a caterpillar, but a woman is the beautiful butterfly the caterpillar becomes. You my love, are that beautiful butterfly."

"Oh Paul!" I exclaimed, and laid my head on his shoulder.

I just sat there, and reveled in what Paul had said. I know he loves me, but I need to hear it every now and then. I hadn't looked at the marquee when Paul drove into the theater parking lot. He said it was time we were going in, and I dreamily said, 'hmmm, what'. We went in and Paul paid for our tickets, and we went to Cinema 3. As we were walking past the door, I saw it said Lady And The Tramp. The classic Walt Disney movie that never gets stale generation to generation. I love this movie, and the part where Tramp pushes the meatball toward Lady, is just so romantic. We sat in the back row, and when we were seated, I laid my head on Paul's shoulder again. I half watched the movie, and half thought about Emily.

I don't know why Emily is taking up so much of my thoughts though. I think maybe it's because there were others that helped me pledge something I wanted so badly. So Emily may want to pledge, but doesn't think a sorority is for her. We'll have to see. I stopped thinking about her long enough to watch the movie. I loved the ending when all the puppies came running to the door when Scotty came to visit. That was so cute.

When the movie was over, Paul wanted to take me out to eat something. So he said I could pick where ever.

"Paul, you're the big strong man, you pick for us. I'm just a little ole country girl, and I need someone like you to make those big decisions." I giggled and Paul laughed.

"All right princess, we'll go over to Big Boy's. They're open yet."

"All right my knight in shining armor. If that is what you think is best."

I love to play these little romantic games with Paul. I'm the damsel in distress and he is my knight in shining armor that comes to my rescue. It is so delightful to have a best friend as a fiancá¨. Paul drove us to Big Boy's restaurant, where we were told just to find a seat. This late at night they don't have a hostess seat you because there isn't that much business.

We found a seat in the no smoking section, and the waitress brought us our menus and a glass of water each. We ordered sodas, and then we looked at our menus. They have a very good assortment of fatty foods on the menu, so we had to be careful of what we ordered. I ordered the chef's salad, and Paul the double burger combo. I don't know how he keeps from having a heart attack with all the fat he eats. But he probably burns it off when he lifts weights.

We sat and ate slowly, and we talked about things that are going on with us in class, and then I asked him if he had thought of a date for the wedding yet.

"Tell you what, princess. Let's wait until everything you have to do is finally done, and then when you are all healed, we will talk about a wedding date. Is that all right with you, princess?"

"Yes sir knight it is all right with me. I just asked because others want to know, and I basically told them the same thing you just said."

"All right. We'll wait then, but we will set that date for us, and we will be the happiest couple on the face of the earth."

I'm the happiest girl on the face of the earth right now. Everything is going good for me, and I have my best friend for my fiancá¨. What more could a girl ask for?"

"I don't know if she could. But if she could, it would be to have a happy home, and a very nice life of togetherness with her husband."

"I will eat to that." I held up my fork with a little salad on it, and then ate it.

When we were finished with our meals, we tipped the waitress. Paul always believes he has to tip them for their service, even if it is so-so. Then we paid the cashier, and went out to the car. As we got to the car, Paul pulled me close to him, and kissed me for what seemed like forever, and I just melted into his arms. When he stopped kissing me, he took me by the arm, and led me over to my door. He opened the door for me, and waited until I was seated, then he closed the door with an air kiss.

He got into his side and then backed out of the parking space, and drove us to the college. When we got there, he walked me to the door, and waited until I went in. This is a locked sorority, so every sister has a key. I opened the door, and blew him a kiss, which he pretended to catch and put it in his pocket.

"I'm saving that for a rainy day. Good night, kitten. See ya tomorrow."

"Good night my sweet prince. See ya tomorrow."

I blew him another kiss, which he pretended to catch again, but this time jumped a little in the air. I went inside, and sat on the sofa in the sitting room. I thought I was the only one up, but this is a college sorority. Kendra came in and sat down.

"I thought I heard a noise in here. How was your date?"

"It was just divine. I could go on a thousand dates like this with Paul."

"What movie did you see?"

"Uhm, we saw uhm..."

"Don't tell me, you were in seventh heaven, and then you were like out of it until he said the movie was over. Yup, I created a monster."

"Well, what would you do at a movie with a hunk like Paul?"

"The same thing you did." We both giggled.

"Ken, I have something to tell you. We met a waitress today at the Itlaian restaurant on James Avenue. Her name is Emily, and..."

"Oh I know Emily. I tried to get her to pledge here last semester, but she said she didn't know if was right for her."

"Well anyway, mother and I came up with a plan. We will take her on a tour of the house, feigning some kind of excuse to get her here. Then we will take her up to our rooms, and show her how we live. Then we will invite her to stay for dinner, and then she can ask the girls questions about the house if she wants to."

"Whoa girl! I mean, my ears only go so fast, slow down and let them catch up. Now that sounds like a very good plan. I did try to get her to come over, you know for like a visit, but she said she had to study. You know Jean, we can only ask, but can't force them to come over if they don't want to."

"I know Ken, but still, she is a very decent girl, and she needs the confidence that Gamma Delta can give her. She seems like she is shy around others, even at the restaurant I saw that."

"Yes she is shy, and this sorority would do wonders for her, but still, we can only ask."

"Okay, then how do we get her here?"

"You want me to help get her here? I like that you even asked. You know Jean, we can devise many ways to get someone over to the house, whether or not they want to live here is another story."

"I know Ken, but we have to try. I wouldn't be able to sleep right if I knew I could help someone and didn't."

"I knew I was right about you the first time I saw you. The very first time you sat on that stupid old bench, I was watching you. I watched how you sat, moved your arms, brushed your hair away from your face, sat with one leg under you, and when that one got tired, you switched. I watched how you walked when you left. Did you know that you have a natural feminine swivel to your hips? I don't think you ever knew that. But what I saw was a girl. Even though you have a stupid male body, you are all girl. That is why I am very honored to call you my friend, and yes Jean, I will help you get Emily to pledge here."

Chapter XI - Pledging Emily

After we were finished talking, Kendra went to her room, and I got ready for bed. This day had really been a good one for me. Paul took us out to dinner, and then took me to see one of my favorite movies. But I knew this movie by heart, and almost every line too. So it wasn't hard for me to just wander in my thoughts about Emily.

I felt a lot better, now that I had my talk with Kendra. She was going to help me get Emily to pledge, and when Kendra told me she had tried before to get Emily to pledge, that just made me more determined to get Emily into Gamma Delta Phi. I laid my head on my pillow, and was fast asleep.

I dreamed that Emily, Kendra, and I were on the commons, just sitting there and having a good chat, when I brought up how wonderful it was to be a Gamma Delta. Emily quickly said she wasn't sure that a sorority was for her. She said she had heard all kinds of things about sororities, and even fraternities too, and was very hesitant to even consider pledging. Kendra joined in and told her that yes, most of the varsity football cheerleaders lived at Gamma Delta, but they weren't stuck up or anything like that. They accepted the doctrines of Gamma Delta Phi, and they have proven more than once, that even cheerleaders can be ladies. Kendra even said that Emily could come and see the house, and even stay for dinner, and then she could ask us any questions she wanted. Before Emily could answer, my alarm went off.

Okay, so I have done this drill more than a million times in my life. Well, here goes a million and one. I swung my legs out of bed, and my feet just slid into my slippers. I stood up, put my robe on, and went to get my clothes out for the day. I even forgot what day this was, but I knew I had classes. I giggled at the thought I couldn't remember the day. But I picked out my nice Spanish style A-line skirt that had three tiers from the bottom of the skirt to mid way; I got out a white blouse, that buttoned in the back. I picked out just plain under things, and got out a pair of tan stockings (the ones that needed a garter belt), then I got out my black pumps with the ankle strap and the two inch heels. I set the clothes carefully on the bed, and put my shoes on the floor under them. I went to get my bath, taking my bath caddy with me. I thought today I would be the femme fatale, and wanted to smell like it too. So I took out my black orchid bubble bath, my black orchid shampoo, and I set them on the counter next to the tub. I started running the water, and when it was just the right temperature, I dropped the plug, and put in the bubble bath. I was going to really turn heads today.

I sat in the tub thinking of Paul. I started dreaming again about how Paul always calls me beautiful, but today he said I was ravishing. I ate it up like candy, and just let him go on and on about how I was his special little kitten, and he loved me. Just as he was about to kiss me, Lydia came in to use the facilities. She tapped me on the shoulder.

"Girl, you have a very bad habit of going off into dreamland when you're in that tub. Who was it this time, Paul?"

"Uh huh. How'd you guess?"

"It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know who you're in love with. But you're starting to wrinkle. Don't you think that you had better wash down?"

"You're right Lydia. I do spend too much time day dreaming and that is not good, especially in the tub."

So I washed completely, and then washed my hair. I rinsed everything off with the shower head. Lydia was still in the bathroom, and I think she wanted to make sure I would be all right. I got out and started patting myself dry, when Lydia told me that I needed to make sure from now on, that I didn't day dream too much when I was in the tub, or I could accidentally drown.

"I know Lydia. But you know something though? I can't help it. I mean, I love Paul, and I don't want anyone else for a husband, but I can't help but think about him. I have known him since we were ten years old, and I just can't help myself. I wonder where we would actually be today, if we hadn't been friends? Would I have still asked him to be my chaperone for the pledge dance? I don't know. I just know this all still seems like a fairy tale, and I will wake up in the guys dorm again."

"You won't wake up if you drown. Honey, you are awake, and this is no fairy tale, even though it may seem like it. Like they used to say in that cigarette commercial; "you've come a long way, baby." And you have too. You have accomplished more in just a very short time, where it takes others almost years to achieve. You are a decent woman Jean, and we want you to stay around for a few more years, at least until you graduate." We both giggled.

I gave her a hug, and told her that I promise not to drown in the bathtub. I said I had to get dressed and get to class. We hugged again, we went to our rooms. Lydia was right, I shouldn't be day dreaming in the bathtub. But sometimes it just happens. I wonder how many women actually day dream in the bath tub like I do. Oh well, I put my lotion and powder on, and the got back into my robe and slippers, carrying my nightgown with me. I put on my underthings, and my slip, and went to put my makeup on. I sat there looking at the plain Jane in the mirror, and even without makeup she looked beautiful. I see what Paul sees, and that is very good. Now today I want myself to be ravishing in his eyes. As I was just finishing with my eyeliner, Kendra came in and sat on my bed. Ignoring her, I put on my lavender eyeshadow, and then took out my powder brush, and brushed on a light dusting of light tan. I then turned to see Kendra with her arms folded across her chest, and looking like a mad hen.

"What's up Ken?"

"Don't you 'what's up Ken' me girlfriend. What is this I hear Lydia had to wake you up while you were in the tub?"

"Am I in trouble?"

"I would say so. Listen girlfriend, I want you to be around for a long, long time. Please don't day dream in that tub, you could drown, and that is no joke either. I said to myself the first time I saw you, that you should be a Gamma Delta. Please don't die on us. We all love you here, and we want you to be our sister for always." She moved over to me, and hugged me very tightly. I could feel her trembling as she held me.

"Ken I promise not to die on you. I will always be your sister no matter where I am at. I want to keep in touch with you after graduation. And I also promise not to day dream in the tub anymore."

"That's what I needed to hear. I know you are good on your promises, so I will take your word for it. Just remember that we are all looking out for you. Come on, I will help you with your blouse."

I put the blouse on, and Ken buttoned it up for me. I put on my skirt and made sure the blouse was tucked to show my little breasts. I then zipped up the skirt, and made sure the zipper was centered in the back. I raised the handle on my carry all, and started for class. Ken walked with me until we got to the psych building. I went in the building, and Kendra went on to her class. As I walked in I could see Dr. Hinckle doing something with papers on his desk. The others were starting to come in and sitting down. I sat down, and the first thing Dr. Hinckle said was, "Jean McMillan, I would like to see you after class, please."

Now what does he want? Oh well, if I want to stay in school I had better see him. Today's lecture was about how we charge for services. How we charge has a lot to do with not only the hospital, insurance company, or private practice, but also with legislation. When he said that clients and patients are seen for a maximum of forty-five minutes, and the usual fee for that is one hundred and seventy-five dollars, I almost fainted. That much to see a therapist? Wow! I did pick the right profession. So anyway, he said that most clients and patients would have insurance, and today we were going to learn how to bill the insurance company directly.

As he kept going through his little lecture, he asked for two volunteers. This time I wasn't going to be the guinea pig. The two students who were selected, went up to the model office, and one was told to be the therapist, and the other the client. Todd Henderson was the therapist, and Lilly Petersen was the client. They had a script to follow, and they went through it without a hitch. Then Todd told Lilly, "see my secretary for another appointment and billing."

When class was over, I waited a couple of minutes, and then went and knocked on Dr. Hinckle's office door. He invited me to come in, and have a seat.

"Jean, I asked to see you, because even though I'm not a Gamma Delta alumni, I have still been keeping my eye on you. I just want to know how things are going from time to time, because you have done something nobody else has ever done, except maybe Christine Jorgensen. You seem to be paying very close attention when I give my lectures. That is very good. Also the way you seem to put off others that seem to think they were put here on this earth as a gift. You are one of my top students, and I looked at your high school record and your SAT's. You were in the top of your class then, and you are here too. I have no doubt that you will make a good therapist. What area are you going into?"

"I thought I would go into psychotherapy. I don't want to be a psychiatrist because I don't want to have to put patients on medication, or see if they're ready for the rubber room, as we call it. What I want to do is focus on the client. I want to be able to give them my undivided attention when they are telling me their inner most secrets. Dr. Hinckle, I know for the longest time you were a psychiatrist, and so is Dr. McClellan. But I just don't want to have to deal with all the things psychiatrists have to deal with besides office therapy. When I am a psychotherapist, I only have to worry about the client and his or her problems, and not wondering what kind of medicine the client needs, or if this amount of time or that amount of time in a mental hospital would benefit the patient. I don't want patients, I want clients. Besides, Dr. Hinckle, having clients makes them more relaxed even in an office environment."

"Tell me something Jean, how would you have your office decorated? When we go into practice, even for an HMO (health maintenance organization), we want our offices to reflect a nice atmosphere for the patient/client."

"I would have my office decorated in a home setting. Addie has a rock garden in her office, and she also has very homey curtains as well. Her walls are decorated with paintings, and other things you would find in a home. That's the kind of office I would like to have, because I feel that would make the client very relaxed."

"You're going to make it with an attitude like that. Just one more thing Jean. I have a lot of students that are doing well in my class, but you are in the top three. I just want you to know that it is a real honor to have you as a student."

That was the end of the interview, so I stood up, and thanked him for his time. Pulling up the handle on my carry all, I left the office. I think Dr. Hinckle was going to open the door for me, but he stopped when he saw I already had it open. I went out, and he closed the door behind me. My next stop was Dr. McClellan's class. I wonder what she will lecture on today. Oh well, I enjoyed her class anyway.

As I was walking past her desk, she asked me how things were going, and I said everything was great. Then I added, "they couldn't be better." I sat down, and took out my notebook, and my lesson book. I was ready for psych 101 and Dr. McClellan was just finishing writing something on the blackboard. It said class meeting on Friday. Oh no, that just won't do, Friday I have to be in the hospital for my surgery. I went up to her desk and told her what I had to do on Friday, and she said no biggy, then she changed it to the Friday two weeks from this one. I wondered if that was enough time to actually heal from the procedure Bobbie was going to do. Then Dr. McClellan did something I didn't think she'd do. She changed the meeting time from two weeks from Friday until a month from Friday. She said three to four weeks was enough time to actually heal from that kind of a procedure. Dr. McClellan was like Dr. Hinckle. Both were medical doctors with a PhD in psychology. When they retired from practice they became professors here. Every now and then we would be given assignments for a few days, because sometimes they had to go to the hospital and do surgery. Dr. McClellan said she would even be in the theater part, when I had my final surgeries.

Everybody was seated so I went back to my desk. Dr. McClellan opened her lecture with terminating the session with the client. She called on me and asked me to give an example of closing the session.

"I can see our time is almost up. What do you think we need to accomplish for your therapy goals? Then I would wait for the client to answer, and then I would say something like, all right that ends our time for today. I would like you to become more acquainted with others, and do things. You don't have to become involved in all the details, but just get out and do something, even if it is going to the zoo, or the park, or something. Sitting home is not a very good thing to do. You need to get out." I thanked Dr. McClellan and the class, and then I sat down.

"That was good Jean, but you forgot to tell the client to make a new appointment. But that is all right though because that is why you are here. To learn. Class, in a month from Friday, we are having a class meeting. This meeting is so I can better get to know all of you. I like to think of my class as my family, and I want to see just where everybody is headed in their studies. So a month from Friday then, we have a class meeting. Mark it on your wall calendar, as well as your appointment book, and even in your electronic toys, because this meeting is mandatory. Just copy the information on the board as to place and time. She continued her lecture about ending the session, and she showed a short clip of an in-office session. When that was over, she said she would have an exam on it on Monday, so we had better get to work now on it. We were to write things down that we saw in the movie that we thought we would be tested on. I had already done that, and all I needed to do was review my notes.

After class was over, I stopped by her desk to talk for a few minutes. She told me not to worry because I was in the top three of her class, and not because I was a Gamma Delta, or that my mother was a past president, or that I was transgendered. She told me that I earned every grade I got by hard study and class work. She also said she was very proud of me, because I was a natural for a therapist. I told her the same thing I told Dr. Hinckle, and she said that the whole faculty was looking out for me, even those professors and lay teachers that I didn't have class with. I left her classroom with a feeling of security that I was very well protected here. I know Paul looks out for me, and so do all the sisters at Gamma Delta, but to have the faculty looking out for me too, well, it just gave me a real sense of security.

Speaking of Paul, I almost literally ran into him as I walked out of the psych building.

"Whoa there princess! Where are you going so deep in thought?"

"Huh? Oh! Paul! I'm sorry but I was thinking about what Dr. Hinckle and Dr. McClellan told me when I went to their classes." I related everything they told me to Paul, and he listened to me intently.

"I knew I picked the right girl for me. See princess, you are very well respected and protected here while you go to school. I am always going to be with you, because we are getting married, and we will have a lifetime to enjoy what life can throw at us." Then he pulled me to him and kissed me on my lips. I just melted into his strong arms, and felt like I didn't want him to let me go. I was in the arms of my best friend who is now my fiancé, and I was in seventh heaven. When he let me go, he looked into my eyes. "Come on princess, I'll walk you home. Besides, I want to have lunch with my favorite girl."

"Favorite girl?" I lightly tapped him in the arm. "I hope I am the only girl in your life besides your mother." We both laughed a little, and we were at the Gamma Delta house.

I invited him in, and had him sit down, while I went up to my room, and put my carry all in the corner by my desk, and changed into something pretty. I got out my rose dress, and my black pumps, and I decided that maybe I should just take a shower, and use my perfume soap. I took my bath caddy with because my shower cap was in there as well as all of my lotions and powders. I had four different lotions and four different powders. I took a shower, and washed every inch of myself with the perfumed soap. I wanted to smell heavenly for Paul. After rinsing off, and patting myself with my soft terry cloth towel, I put my underthings on, and then went to get dressed completely. I picked up my rose colored half slip, and then stepped in to my dress. After zipping up the dress, I stood and looked at myself in the mirror. Yuck! My hair needed brushing, and maybe put into a nice set. Something that can be done by a brush and a few clips. I brushed out my hair, and put in a flip style, and fastened it with a silver clip in the back, and two butterfly clips on each side. I was satisfied, so I opened my jewelry armoire and took out my genuine sapphire pendant necklace, and put it on my neck. I was ready to go down to meet Paul.

I didn't know where he was taking me, but I was ready for anything as long as I was with him. Paul was one of those hunks to die for. His arms were huge from lifting weights, and he had the manners and patience of a saint. With all of that and his very good looks, he could have the pick of any girl on campus, or even off for that matter. But he chose me, and all I did was ask him if he would take me to the pledge dance, and he did. Everything seemed to fall in place after that.

"Why so quiet, princess?"

"Paul, you do love me for me. Don't you?"

"Where did that come from? Of course I love you for you. Why do you have to ask? When we were growing up, I just thought you were shy, a little weird too, but just shy. I always loved you, because if I didn't I wouldn't be drawn to you like I am. I love doing things for you, I love the way you dress, I love the way you carry yourself, I love the way you look hurt when you want something, I love everything about you, and you are very well respected here by everyone, including the Gamma Delta sisterhood."

"Well it's just that there are so many natural girls around that you can have, and I was just wondering why you picked me."

"Natural girls, hey. Let me tell you something my sweet princess. You are all the natural girl I need, and for all the reasons I said. Jean, you are very lovely in body and personality. When we were growing up, I always wondered why you had such a girl swing to your hips, and when you ran, you ran...uhm ran...like the natural girls do. You always giggled, never laughed, and you always found the way guys joke with each other to be very distasteful. Whenever we would joke about girls, you always went ewww. Jean you never were just my best friend, you were always my girlfriend. So yes my sweet princess, I love you for you."

I leaned over and gave him a kiss on his cheek, because he was driving. If he hadn't been driving, I would have kissed him on his lips. He sure knows how to make a girl feel calm, relaxed, happy, and pretty. He always compliments me on my clothes, he always tells me how pretty I am, and he always has that natural relaxed way about him, that puts a girl at a disadvantage. Not that I mind, mind you, because I would follow him anywhere.

We ended up in the next town, where they were opening up a new style of restaurant. This one was set up like the buffet restaurants, except you had a waitress. This waitress' name was Daphne, and she was my height, with sun yellow hair. She was very pleasant, and I could see by her face that this wasn't just for work. She was like that away from work too. She took our order, and then told us we could help ourselves, and the salad bar was included. I ordered just the salad bar, and went to get my salad. Of course Paul now, that's a different story. He ordered the hamburger deluxe, that came with everything on the sandwich, like tomatoes, onions, lettuce, two strips of bacon, cheese, and thousand island dressing. He also went to get a salad too. I couldn't help but admire him, because he ate like a man, he acted like a man, and to me he was all man. My man.

When we were finished, we paid the waitress, and we left. Went out to his car and buckled ourselves in. Then he asked me if I wanted to see a movie, and I told him I had class, and that I needed to study tonight. He said all right but he wanted a rain check. I said all right, the week after I have my surgery to hide this gross birth defect. He said that was fine, and wanted to know if he could come over and study with me tonight. I told him men aren't allowed on the second floor, and that I had computer work to do for research. Then he said we could meet in the student library. I told him that would be great. So we set a time for around four thirty to meet.

We got back to the college, and after he had parked his car, he walked me back to the Gamma Delta house, so I could get my carry all with my books in it. He said he would wait for me while I got everything I needed, and he would walk me to class. Then I started to wonder, does he ever go to class? I mean, I see him coming out of class, and I see him in the evening, and sometimes like now, around lunch time. Of course I am not with him, so he must have classes. I giggled at the thought of him paying a tuition only to be near me. I checked myself in the mirror, before grabbing my carry all, and heading downstairs. Paul would have helped me, but guys aren't allowed upstairs.

When we got to the sociology department, Paul said he had to go, and gave me a kiss on my lips, and told me not to forget to meet him at four thirty. I figured four thirty was enough time for me to study, and still make it back to the house in time for the sorority's nightly dinner. I look forward to these dinners, because it gave us a chance to get to know each other better, and gossip about this and that. My class was just as boring as usual, but I was doing very well, so I paid attention. When the class was over, I headed over to the library. I would be way early for our four thirty study meet, but I wanted to get a head start. As I walked in to the library, and went to sit down, I saw Emily. This was a chance meeting, but I was going to seize the opportunity. I went over and sat down by her, and whispered a how was she, and she said fine.

"Emily," I whispered, "I am inviting you to our nightly dinner at Gamma Delta, and I will not take no for an answer. Our dinner is at seven, and I want you to come, and meet the "family".

"Well, I guess if you won't take no for answer, my answer is no. Jean I like you, and you are very well respected on campus. But I can't go to a dinner at a sorority house. First of all, I am not a pledge there, or a sister, and second I am not really sure that a sorority is for me. I'm very much a loner when it comes to keeping company with someone. I thank you for the offer, but no, I can't come."

I whispered back and told her she had to come, because I was cooking tonight, and she just had to taste my delicious meat loaf. She said she liked meat loaf, but she still couldn't come. I asked her if she was afraid we were going to get her to pledge, and she said yes.

"Emily," I whispered, "you can come anyway, and if you don't want to pledge, then don't. What I am saying is, all I am doing is inviting you to dinner."

"But why me?" She whispered back.

"Because I want to show my appreciation for the wonderful service you gave us at the restaurant, when we were there."

"But, that isn't necessary. I just..."

I interrupted her. "Emily, please, it would mean a lot to me if you would come, at least for dinner. It's free and you don't have to cook for yourself, or eat out. Just eat with us."

"You won't try to get me to pledge, if I come?" That was a question.

"No Emily, when we are finished eating, and you want to leave you can. No strings, I promise."

"All right, I'll come. But no strings."

"No strings."

We each went back to our studying, and I was almost finished by the time Paul showed up. I also noticed that he didn't have his books with him, either. He sat down next to me, and I continued the last of my studies for the day. Paul didn't say anything, he just sat there and watched me. The heat in my face told me I was blushing. Why should I blush though, I mean all he is doing is sitting there. Guys sit next to girls all the time. Oh, who was I fooling, of course I'm blushing, and the man watching me is my fiancá¨. I finished my studies for the day, and closed my books. I put them in my carry all, and then I looked up at Paul.

"I thought we were going to study together, Paul. Where are your books?"

"At the dorm. I just wanted to be with you while you studied, but I see that you're finished. Want to go for a walk?"

"I have to cook tonight. I was thinking about making meat loaf. That's what I told Emily I was going to make. I know! You can come too. We can set an extra place. I have to tell Lydia though, and then I can formally introduce you to the sorority as my finacé. Want to come?"

"If I can have dinner with you princess, yes I would love to come."

"Then it's settled. We will have two extra for dinner. I looked up the reason for having the nightly dinner at our sorority. The original founding sisters were like banished from other sororities, so they decided to start one of their own. They felt that if they had dinner together, then they would be able to talk amongst themselves. As the years went on, the nightly dinner just became a tradition to honor the founding sisters, and keep it going as they did. It is five thirty now, so I have to get going. The table is already set, probably."

"Well then, I will walk you home princess, so no evil dragons kidnap you." I giggled, and took his arm. We talked on the way mostly about nothing, and I told him what I had said to Emily, and got her to come to dinner too. It wasn't against sorority rules or bylaws to invite company for dinner, we just had to tell the house president if we invite a man. Telling Lydia was not a problem, because she likes Paul.

When we got inside the house, I told him to sit down in the living room, and I would be back in a few. I went in the kitchen, and put an apron around me, and got out the ground beef. Hmmm, still frozen, so I thawed it out in the microwave, and then put it in a bowl to mix in the ingredients. I liked my meatloaf with onion, garlic, green peppers, a dash of this and a dash of that, and top it off with A-1 steak sauce. That tasted really good. This would be the first time I ever made it for the sisters, but I'm sure they will like it.

Darn it! I forgot to tell Lydia I invited Paul over for dinner. Maybe I can tell her just before we go in to sit down. I continued mixing the ingredients until everything was mixed in, then I oiled a large bread pan, and set the meatloaf in it. I had already preheated the oven to three hundred and seventy five degrees, and it was hot enough. I put the meatloaf in the oven, and set the timer for thirty five minutes.

I went to look for Lydia, and I found her talking to Paul. I went in the living room, and sat down for a bit.

"Lydia, I invited Paul over for dinner tonight, and also Emily. So we will have two extra places at dinner tonight. Ken and I want to see if Emily will pledge the house."

"We have tried girlfriend. I think her iron wall is up, because nobody here has been able to get her to pledge. If you can break that wall down, then you will have done something no one here could. I hope she pledges, because she does need a confidence builder. I mean sure, she works as a waitress, but still, in her private life she is living in a cocoon. We need to bring her out so she can be a beautiful butterfly, and spread her wings. So it is all right with me if Emily and Paul come to dinner. After all, our dinner is a social event."

"Thanks Lydia, I have to get back to the kitchen. I'm making my meatloaf tonight."

"You make good meals, Jean. Everybody has told me how good of a cook you really are. So go to it girl. What else are you making with it?"

"Just green beans, rice, and the rest of the cheesecake from last night."

"Oh, more calories. I'm just joking. You make your meals as you want to."

I went back to the kitchen, and Lydia told Paul she would get him something to drink, and then had to do president things. I looked in the oven to see how the meatloaf was coming along. Just a few more minutes by the timer. So I got the rice cooked, heated the green beans, and dished up the cheesecake. I set everything on the table, and the timer went off for the meatloaf. I took it out of the oven, and set it on a cutting board, then sliced it into as many slices as would be eating. Just as I was finished putting the meatloaf slices on a platter, the doobell rang.

Emily came in the dining room, and I said hi and she just smiled. Yes she sure does need that confidence builder. I showed her where she was sitting, and she sat down. I explained that we said grace before we ate, but we didn't stand for it while it was being said. She didn't say anything, and I let it go. I rang the buzzer that told everybody dinner was ready. Fifteen girls and two guests were eating tonight and there were eighteen slices. I cut an extra one for Paul.

When everybody was seated, I introduced Emily, and then I went over by Paul and introduced him as my fiancé. Everybody said hi, and congrats on being engaged, and then Debbie, our in-house philosopher, said grace. Debbie was just a tad taller than me, with soft brown hair that shined when the light shined on it. Her doe-like brown eyes looked like they were always pleading. She wore everyday fashions from the bargain store, but they were nice though.

Lydia started passing around the meatloaf, and when everybody had their slice, she passed around the rice and the beans. The cheesecake I had already put in front of everybody's place. Milk and coffee were set on the table. We had those carafes they use in restaurants to keep liquids hot or cold. I don't think I got two bites of my dinner, before Emily said that she would not pledge the sorority because she wasn't very good with people.

Misty, one of the cheerleaders, told Emily that she didn't have to be good with people. If she did pledge, she could stay in her room, and nobody would say boo about it. Misty also said that this sorority was for all girls, and it didn't matter if they were shy, or if they were on the squad. Every girl that pledges though, does not necessarily become a Gamma Delta. But most do.

"Let me put it this way, Emily," Misty continued. "Pledging a sorority is like a trial. It is for us to see if you are a Gamma Delta girl, and it is for you to see how we actually live here, and how we do things. So, even if you do pledge, that doesn't mean you have to stay. You can leave as soon as your pledge is over with. When I first pledged here I wasn't even on the varsity squad. It took me a whole semester to get there; and do you want to know why? It's because I was clumsy..." I couldn't believe her, but I was going to let her get Emily to pledge any way she could. "So what I am saying is this. If you pledge Gamma Delta, there will be chores to do, and there will be other things required as well. But like I said, if you still don't think we are for you, then you can leave."

I had to admire Misty, she knew exactly how to pull in a fish. She did very well explaining all of that to Emily. Paul, always the smart aleck, said he would pledge, and we all giggled. I could see Emily was deep in thought. I didn't break my promise, and she was the one who brought it up. So I was going to see where she took this.

"I don't have to stay when my pledge is up? I mean, if I decide to pledge?"

"No Emily," I returned, "you do not have to stay when your pledge time is up."

"Do I have to sign anything to become a pledge?"

"No Emily," Lydia said. "All you have to do is say you will pledge, and we assign you to a shadow, who will monitor how you act. In this sorority, we take being a lady very seriously. Yes, most of the varsity cheerleaders live here, but they are not stuck up, nor do they have a clique. We are an international sorority, with a sisterhood that is all over the world. When your pledge time is up, and you still wish to be a full sister, you will have access to a very big network of sisters past and present. Jean's mother for instance, is a past president of this chapter of Gamma Delta Phi. But even at that though, Jean still had to pledge like any other girl, and do her chores."

"All right, but if I don't like it when my pledge is over, then I am leaving."

"Yes Emily, if you still don't like it here, then you can leave when your pledge is over." I had to say that because I know that when she completes her pledge, she will stay.

"Well this is something I didn't want to do though, but if I can leave after my pledge is up, then I will pledge. But I want it understood though that I will not go in for any hazing, or any of the other things you hear that sororities do."

"Thank you for pledging, Emily. We don't do any kind of hazing here. You will have chores to do, and you will sit at the pledge table when we eat. You will be required to do laundry, but that is only washing the tablecloths, towels, washcloths, and the aprons we use in the kitchen. The chores you will do as a pledge are ordinary household chores. No hazing. Is there anyone who would like to volunteer to be Emily's shadow?"

"I will, Lydia," Debbie raised her hand. "I don't have a roommate, and I will be very happy to be Emily's shadow."

"Then that is settled. Debbie will be your shadow during your pledge. What Debbie will do is report to officers of the house on your conduct, and so will the other girls too. You will be scored on your behavior, your carriage, on how you take responsibility, and how well you do your chores. Debbie will be with you at all times when you are not in class. This is so she can see how well you do. Do you have any questions about what I just said?"

"No."

"All right then, my name is Lydia and I am the president for this chapter of Gamma Delta Phi, and welcome Emily to the Gamma Delta Phi sisterhood. You can move in at any time, and if you need help with your things, just ask, and we will be happy to help you. You will be rooming with Debbie, so that is where you will sleep and do your studies. Does anyone else have anything to say?"

Nobody raised their hand, and we were actually finished with the dinner. Everybody went over to Emily and congratulated her on pledging. Kendra told me after we left the dining room, that it was about time she pledged where she belonged.

Chapter XII - Emily Settles In

Emily said she would need some help to move her things over from her apartment, but she also said she didn't have that much. Kendra, Debbie, Lydia, Connie, and I went with her to help her move in. I found out on the way to Emily's old apartment, that trying to get her to pledge Gamma Delta Phi was a sorority project. Everybody knew she belonged there, and everybody tried, but couldn't get her in the front door, much less to pledge.

Her apartment wasn't that far off campus, and all we needed was a cart to bring her things over. I stopped at the men's dorm, and rang for Paul. When he came down, I told him we would need his help to carry over her computer and other heavy things. He agreed to come with us, and also had one of his dorm mates come too.

When we got to Emily's apartment, her roommate was more than happy to help us. Her name is Gladys and she was a junior, and Emily was a sophomore. We got everything packed in less than an hour, and started for Gamma Delta. Emily was right when she said she didn't have that much. Most of what she had were dvd's and cd's. She didn't even have that many clothes. The heaviest things we had to carry over was her computer equipment and her printer. Gladys took me aside and asked me how in the world did we get Emily to pledge.

"We didn't actually. Emily did it all by herself after we explained what the rules for a pledge were, and that is, she could leave at the end of her pledge. I know that when she finishes her pledge she is going to stay."

"How do you know that?"

"I'm not really sure, but after we had all explained it to her, she said 'so I can leave after my pledge is over, I mean if I decide to pledge.' So all we did is what we would do for any other pledge, and she did the rest."

"Sneaky, but I like it. Don't ever let her know she was tricked or she will run for the hills."

"I understand that. But actually we didn't trick her, because everything we told her was the truth. When a pledge doesn't like being with us, then she is free to leave. We told her that she will have ordinary household chores and she will be graded on how well she does, and how well she volunteers to help others, and how she carries herself and acts like a lady. We tell every pledge or prospective pledge the same thing."

"Well what about hazings?"

"We don't do any hazing. We want our pledges to be able to be ladies, and at Gamma Delta we take being a lady very seriously. Our sorority has an international sisterhood that keeps in touch with each other. We even have a newsletter that we send out to current and past members. It doesn't matter where in the world you are, you can always find a Gamma Delta."

"Is there room for another pledge? I mean if there isn't any hazing, and all we have to do is common household chores, and act like a lady, then that is for me. They don't discriminate because I'm not a ten, do they?"

"All you have to do to pledge and be a full sister when your pledge is over, is be female. We accept girls from all walks of life and all academic structures. There is one thing all pledges have to do tho, and that is be seen by the tribunal. They will ask you questions about how can you benefit the sorority, and what will you do to keep the honor of the sorority. But other than that, we are an open sorority with lots of different girls. You know what? Our president is here with us. Let's go and talk to her. Her name is Lydia, and she is very nice."

"All right, let's go."

We found Lydia helping Emily pack the rest of her dvd's. Gladys and I walked over and started helping.

"Lydia, this is Gladys, and she would like to pledge also."

"Oh my gosh! That would be super. Did you hear that Emily, even Gladys wants to pledge. When we get to the house, we will sit down and talk. I'm the president of this chapter of Gamma Delta Phi, and every girl is welcome to pledge our sorority. Looks like we will need a little more help to get Gladys situated too. Now let me see, who can we get to help."

Lydia flipped open her cell phone and made a call. In minutes the entire house was at the apartment helping pack Gladys's things, and marking boxes so that we didn't get Gladys and Emily's things mixed up. Two hours later, everybody was carrying something, and we all headed toward Gamma Delta. When we got to the house, Lydia set down her boxes and unlocked the door. We all went into the living room, where we set the boxes down, and then Debbie and Emily took her things to their room. Lydia wanted to talk to Gladys. Gladys was maybe an inch taller than me, and had mousy brown hair, and heavenly blue eyes hidden behind a pair of thick rimmed glasses.

"Excuse me Gladys, but did you ever think of wearing contacts?"

"Yes, but I keep losing them, and they are so hard to find when they drop. So I just opted for the glasses. At least they are easier to find. Why do you ask?"

"Oh it's nothing, really. I was just wondering is all."

Gladys is going to need a complete makeover. From her head down to her toes, and if I have anything to say about it, it won't be long before this caterpiller is a full fledged butterfly. So we have two caterpillers to work on, Emily and Gladys. But that's all right tho, that is what being a sister is all about; helping others to show their full potential.

After Gladys had all of her things inside, Lydia asked her to come in to the sitting room, or living room if that's what you want to call it. Lydia told Gladys that this house was set up for seventeen girls. and we only had fifteen at the present. Her and Emily made a full house. She was going to put their names on the roster, and send their details to national. Lydia asked Gladys if she had any questions, and she said no. We helped Gladys take her things up to her room, and she was going to be rooming with Sondra, who was captain of the varsity cheerleaders. Sondra wasn't stuck up, and liked getting into conversations with others. Whenever we had special events like the pledge dance, she was always right there to volunteer. She was pretty, and had huge brown doe eyes, and her light brown hair shined in any light. Her smile was contagious and she bounced rather than walked.

When we got Gladys settled, Sondra asked if she should know anything about Gladys, and all we said was "fawn". A "fawn" is a person who needs a lot of guidance in one thing or another. Emily and Gladys were "fawns". Sondra just smiled at Gladys and promised her they were going to have a lot of fun. We knew Sondra would help Gladys become the beautiful butterfly she is, if only she would loosen up some, and let that mousy hair down. But Sondra will take care of that.

Lydia and I went back downstairs, and we talked a little more. Kendra came in and asked me if I would like to be PR rep for the house. Duties included building up the house to propsective pledges, and others who think that all we are is just another sorority.

"I would love to be PR rep. But why me though?"

"Because in the short time that you have been here, you have been building Gamma Delta Phi up, and didn't even know it. Everytime somebody asks you about us, you have only positive things to say. When you make your dinners, you even help clean up, and then you even help others without being asked. So, that is why I asked you. What do you think, Lydia?"

"I think she would make a very good PR rep. She has that contagious personality that you can't help but be attracted to as a friend, fiancá¨, or sibling. I agree with Ken, Jean, that you should be our PR rep. What you would do is bring things that we want to do to the attention of others on campus, including the faculty and staff. Even when some of the girls were giving you the silent treatment, you still had a positive outlook, and ready to defend Gamma Delta with your life." We all giggled, but Lydia wasn't far off.

Pledging this house and becoming a full sister had been my dream ever since my mother told me about her experiences here. I never dreamed in a million years all this would have happened like it did. I was thinking more along the lines of I would have to fight to get even in the door. But a very open minded sister was watching me when I was sitting on that stupid bench. Oh my gosh! I just remembered tomorrow I have to go for my surgery, and that means I can't go to class.

"Yes, but Lydia I just remembered that tomorrow is the Friday I go for my surgery. I won't be back right away. I..."

"And we will come to see you too. I heard you were going to be in the hospital quite a while. About two weeks not only for the surgery, but from what I hear tell, they are going to do blood work and other tests too. So you might even be there a little longer than two weeks. But not to worry though, I will get your assignments, and tell your professors where you are and for about how long. I'm sure that Dr. McClellan will come to see you. I know I will."

"Thank you Ken, you have been my supporter from the start, even before I knew what was going to happen."

"I'm sure all the girls will come to see you, Jean."

"Thank you, Lydia. But are you sure you want me to be the sorority's PR rep?"

"Yes, we're sure."

"Thanks, I won't let you down."

"As if you could. Oh my gosh Jean, you just have that type of attitude that makes you, you. Never let anyone ever tell you different, either. You are now a sister, and you have every right to defend our honor, as we all do. Anyway I have to go and do president things. I have to put Emily and Gladys on the roster, and post the new roster. Then I have to call national and tell them we have two new pledges, making us a full house. Wait til they hear Emily actually pledged. Cya all later then."

Lydia left, and Ken and I went outside for a little walk. Now I don't know if mother has a radar for these things, but she was just coming from the alumni parking lot.

"Mother," I said giving her a big hug. "Ken and I were just taking a walk. Do you want to walk with us?"

"I'd love to. You have your surgery tomorrow, and we have to be there early. You have to check in by eight, and they will take you right up to the room. Bobbie said you are going to be there for a bit afterwards so you can heal and they can do more tests. But after you heal though, they are going to make you walk a lot so you don't get lazy."

"As if, Mrs. McMillan. When Jean isn't with Paul, or doing her studies, she is a whirlwind around here. I'm sure that after even an hour in bed, she is going to want to get up."

"That I know, but the nurses have a routine they have to follow. A physical therapist will come and walk with you. Of course, it is up to Bobbie when you leave, but you're going to have to take those walks. Usually they involve walking up and down the hall as well as a few stairs. This is to get your muscles working again, after laying in bed a while. I am staying here tonight. I have already called Lydia and told her. That way we can go right from here. Bobbie will meet us at the registration desk.

"Now what Bobbie is going to do, is remove the testes, and invert the penis, until you can have your regular surgeries. This way the girls won't be so uneasy around you, like some of them are now. So what are you talking about?"

"Well, we got Emily to pledge, and her roommate Gladys. Lydia is making a new roster with their names on it. We have a full house now, and Lydia is going to tell national."

"How in the world did you get Emily to pledge?"

"I saw here at the librbay and invited her to dinner. It took some talking to get her to come even for dinner. But during dinner, everybody was telling her what a great sorority she will be a part of, and that if she doesn't like us after her pledge is over, then she can leave, no strings attached. She was concerned about hazing, as was her roommate. But when we told both of them we don't do any kind of hazing, and we don't have secret handshakes or have a secret password, Emily pledged. Then when we were getting her things from her apartment, her roommate wanted to know the same things, and we told her what we told Emily, and Gladys pledged too. So now we have a full house."

"That's great. We only had fourteen girls when I was president. Looks like my litte girl isn't so little anymore. Having a full house means that Becky from national will come to see the new pledges. This is one for the record books, and I suspect we have my daughter to thank for Gladys and Emily."

"Well none of us could ever get Emily to pledge, and when we were moving Emily's things from her apartment, Jean was talking with Gladys, and took her over to talk with Lydia. So yes, I do suspect that Jean is the culprit alright." We all giggled, and then we noticed we were by the guys dorm. I said just a minute, and went in to ring Paul's room. He answered, and then said he'd be right down. When he got to me, he gave me the biggest kiss on my lips you could imagine. That one took my breath away.

"Ahem young lady, there are others present you know." We all giggled while Paul looked confused.

"This is a wonderful surprise, Jean. I was just closing my books for the night."

"I have to go in the hospital tomorrow, Paul, for my surgery. I will be there for about two weeks while I heal and they do more tests. Will you come to see me?"

"You bet, princess. Maybe I'll rent the room right next to yours." We all giggled.

"Oh I would just love that, because then I could walk right into your arms. That would be the best get well therapy in the world."

"Ahem young lady, I think you need to be hosed down. But yes Paul, when you visit her, make sure there is no ummm, hanky panky, because she will be very sore. She is going to be there for a while. Her doctor wants to run some tests, as well as do a little surgical procedure. Anyway, I need to get my things up to the room I will be using for tonight. I'm taking Jean to the hospital tomorrow, Paul, if you would like to come along."

"I have classes in the morning. If this would have been Saturday, I would go in a heartbeat. Jean, I will come right after my morning classes. I don't have another class after that until two o'clock, so it will give us a couple of hours with each other anyway."

I laid my head on his arm, and just wished he could be with me for always. I really didn't want to be in the hospital for two weeks, but if it will show the girls that I am serious about what I need to do to be complete, then this is what I have to do. Mother was being facetious telling me I need to be hosed down. Well maybe just a little. I giggled.

"What was that for, princess?"

"Oh it's nothing, just something I thought of."

"Come on princess, I'll walk you ladies home."

We started walking towards the house, and I was surprised that Kendra hadn't said anything this whole time. I took Paul's arm, and we just kind of strolled back to Gamma Delta. When we got to the door, Paul and I kissed passionately, until we were both out of breath. We said our good nights, and then mother, Kendra, and I went inside. I watched from the window as Paul walked back to his dorm. When he was out of sight, I told Kendra I was tired and was going to bed. I gave mother a big hug, and said good night. Then we all went to our rooms. Tomorrow starts another adventure on my road to womanhood.

Chapter XIII - Jean's operation

That night I slept fitfully, constantly tossing and turning every which way. Lily had to wake me up a couple of times because she said I was having a nightmare. What it was about I haven't a clue, but they say that you can never sleep the night before an operation. I don't know if that was what it was, or not, but it was definitely something for Lily to wake me up over. I looked at the clock and it said five thirty. I figured I might as well get up, and take my bath. Bobbie is going to meet us at registration, and then go up to the room with me.

I took out my powder blue dress, the jacket that went with it, I picked up my black pumps with the ankle strap, and went to get my under things out. I laid everything on my bed, except for the shoes, and put my robe and slippers on, and went to run my bath water. I took my bath caddy with because I wanted to mix fragrances today. I did this every now and then. Maybe a little lilac with a little jojoba. I put the plug in the drain, and ran the water over the bubble bath.

The suds were foaming up really nice, and I got out of my robe, panties, and slippers. I looked at myself in the mirror, and it might just be my imagination, but it seems like my breasts are getting bigger, and my body actually has a figure. I tousseled with my hair a little and it felt oily. So I got out my lilac shampoo, and washed my hair in the sink. I'll rinse whatever suds are left with shower head when I am done taking my bath.

As I sat in the bathtub, and remembering what I had told Lydia and Kendra, I decided this was not the place to fall asleep daydreaming. But I thought about the next two weeks that lie ahead of me. Bobbie will explain everything I'm sure, but I am still a little anxious about this, because it is new and strange to me. I heard a light tapping on the bathroom door. I said come in, and mother came in and used the facilities. Then she put the toilet lid down, and sat down.

"Jean, are you a little anxious about today and the next two weeks?"

"Yes, mother," I said still washing. "I mean I know Bobbie is a good doctor and everything, but all of this is new to me, and I am just a teensy weensy bit anxious."

"Teensy weensy my foot, girl. You are outright and plain nervous. This is the earliest you have ever been up. I..."

"I'm sorry mother, but Lily woke me up a couple of times during the night, and said I was having a nightmare. But I don't remember what it was about. Then when I looked at my clock, it said five thirty, so I got up, because I wanted enough time to get ready."

"Well the bad news is, no makeup. no hairspray, no perfume other than the bubble bath you are in right now. They have to draw blood, and do a few cotton swabs on your skin. So they don't want anything that could give them a false reading when the tests are performed."

I looked at her with my mouth wide open. "You mean I have to go to the hospital naked? Mother, if I can't wear makeup, I'll die!"

"I know just how you feel sweetie, but those are the orders of the hospital and Bobbie. Bobbie is also going to have a plastic surgeon helping her too. This plastic surgeon is a Gamma Delta also, and she is just dying to meet you. You know young lady, you have stirred things up a little by just wanting to pledge Gamma Delta Phi. Every Gamma Delta far and wide wants to meet the girl that made us take a very good look at ourselves, inside and out. Jean I am very proud of you, because you stood firm and wouldn't take no for an answer. You didn't let me or anyone else destroy the dreams you held inside. That's what it means to have will power. You set your mind on something, and you go right for the juggler. Well I am very proud of my daughter. You finish up, and I will go and get my things to take my bath."

I finished my bath, and just as I was wiping the tub out, mother came in with her underthings, and set them on the shelf by the sink. I gave her a big hug and told her I had to get dressed. She said she would be in, in a few minutes. I was in my under things, and putting on my makeup, when mother came in and sat on the bed.

"Well dear, I hate to be the bearer of sad tidings, but do you remember I told you 'no makeup'? Well, now you have to take all of that off. They don't want any makeup, because I guess they're going to do an MRI and a CT scan too. So get the makeup off, and I will be right back, as soon as I get dressed."

Mother left to get dressed, and I was sitting there facing a dilemma. Do I let the hospital take my makeup off, or do I just do it now? Decisions, decisions. By the time mother came back to my room, I had my makeup off, and my pores cleaned out. I decided that maybe a little lip gloss wouldn't hurt, because it is easily removed. All mother did was shake her head, and then said we should be going.

It was now six forty five, and by the time we got to the hospital, it would be about seven thirty. So we went to the alumni parking lot, and I got in and buckled my seat belt around me. Mother did the same, and we left for the hospital.

I was in dreamland in seconds after getting in the car. Mother let me sleep until we got to the hospital. When mother had found a parking space, she woke me and said we were there. It was seven twenty five, and we went in through the emergency room door. We told the security guard who we were, and that Dr. Burns was meeting us. He took us through a doorway, and over to the registration desk. He told us to wait here, and he would send Dr. Burns in as soon as she got here. We waited another maybe fifteen minutes, and Bobbie came over to us. She had another doctor with her.

"Good morning Jeannie. Dr. Clements, this young lady is Jean McMillan, and she is the patient I was telling you about."

"So, you are the young lady who made us look at ourselves. It is a grand pleasure to meet you, Jean. You may call me Alice. I am going to be doing most of the surgery today, and you will be here for a while, so that you can heal properly. After the surgery is completed, we will talk a little. Would that be alright with you?"

"Yes Alice, I would love to talk."

"Good. Well, I see that the registration people are getting settled in. I will be right back. Bobbie I think maybe you should register Jean now, that way we can get up to the floor."

Mother, I, Bobbie, and Dr. Clements, ummm Alice, went over to the desk. Bobbie gave the lady my name, and she said just to have a seat, and someone will be calling us in just a few moments. We sat back down, and about five minutes later, a man called us into his office. He took down all of the pertinent information, and then after looking at the papers again, said welcome, and he hoped my stay would be a comfortable one regardless of the surgery.

He called someone on the telephone, and a few minutes later, a lady showed up with a wheelchair. I got in the wheelchair, and the lady pushed me until we got to my room. Once inside the room a nurse told me to get undressed and into the gown she laid on the bed.

"When you are finished Jean, and lying in the bed, press this button and I will come and take your temperature, blood pressure and respiration. I will listen to your heart, and your lungs, and then you can rest until it is time for your surgery."

It didn't take long to get into the hospital gown, mother drew back the sheet on the bed, and I laid down. I picked up the remote and pressed the button that had a nurse's cap on it. The nurse came right in, and put the blood pressure cuff on, and started taking my pulse. She then had me sit up and took her stethoscope and listened to my heart. Then she had me take a few deep breaths, and then she had me take a few more deep breaths while she listened to my lungs through my back. She told me that I was going to go down for my surgery in just a bit, so I was to just relax until then.

"Bobbie can I sit in the theater, and watch? I have never seen and actual surgery like this, and I think it would be nice if Jean knew I was there."

"Of course, Jeannie. I think that would be a very good idea. When we are through with this phase, you can even sit in the recovery room next to her, so you are the first person she sees."

"Phase? Did you say 'this phase', Bobbie?"

"Yes Jean I did. When I talked to Alice about you, she said it was imperative that we get the actual surgeries completed as soon as possible. So young lady, you aren't just here for something as simple as hiding a few parts. Today we are going to start your actual srs. This will be done in three phases. Alice, would you explain a little better?"

"Of course. Jean this first phase is going to deal with the removal of the testes, and some of the penile tissue as well. I am going to give you a real clitoris, and then I am going to make the vaginal canal. But before we do that, dear, I want you to have an MRI. I want to see for myself just what goes on in that body of yours. The operation itself is going to be very lengthy, because I want you to be able to function as a woman. I will also re-route the urethra, and a few other things. When I am finished, you will not only look like a woman does, but you will be able to function as one. So, how does all of that sound?"

"Like I had died and gone to heaven. This has been my goal in life as well as being a sister in my mother's sorority."

"Well, after today, you will have accomplished them both. Welcome to womanhood for the rest of your life."

All I could do was lie back and smile. After today I will be physically female. After a few more minutes had passed, a lady came in with a wheelchair, and said we were going to go and have my MRI done. I got into the wheelchair, and she pushed me until we got to the radiology department. She took me to a room that said MRI Lab on the door.

She pushed me into the room, and there was a great big machine shaped like a tube. She had me lie on the bed part, or table as she called it, and told me to put my hands across my tummy, because once I was inside the tube, I wouldn't be able to move them, if they were at my sides. Then she gave me two small ear plugs, like you would have for swimming. I laid down, and then she said 'here we go'. The table moved backwards in to the tube, and when it was far enough it stopped. The lady whose name was Deanna, said they were going to start, and if I wanted to I could go to sleep.

I heard a noise like you would hear outside when there was construction going on. It sounded just like someone using an air hammer. I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, Deanna was waking me up, and said we were all finished. I asked how long did it take, and she said two hours. Deanna said they did a complete scan of my entire body from head to toe. She helped me up, and in to the wheelchair, and then she took me back to my room.

Deanna was pretty, and she had auburn hair, and Irish green eyes. I found out that she was Irish by descent, and said she even had the temper to prove it. I giggled, and then we were back in my room. I got in the bed, and covered up. Why are hospital rooms so cold? Anyway I was fast asleep, and after a bit I was awakened by the nurse. She gave me a pill, and told me it would help me relax. It must have worked, because in no time I was asleep again.

I am really amazed at hospitals. They can move you while you are sleeping, and not even wake you. I don't know exactly how many hours I was sleeping, but when I woke up, I was in a room with a lot of bright lights. The nurse there came over and said it was about time I woke up.

"Where am I?"

"You are in the recovery room. Your surgeries went very good, and you should heal in no time. I'm Julie, and I am the day nurse here." She smiled, then went to get my chart. I looked at the other side of the bed, and mother was sitting there looking at me.

"Well, you are finally awake. Do you know that you have been sleeping for seven hours? The surgery took four and a half hours, and you will heal from this. Then you will come back in a few months, and Alice will complete what needs to be done. Is there any questions you may have, right now?"

"No mother, but the last time I knew, I was in the bed in my room. How did I get here?"

"We had two orderlies take your bed with you in it, to the operating room. Then they carefully lifted you onto the operating table, and Alice worked her magic. Bobbie helped her, and there were also two nurses there too. One of those nurses even remarked how much like a woman you already look, and that you wouldn't need facial feminization like a lot of transgendered persons have. You are going to be sore for quite a while, but at least you can go home in three weeks."

"Three weeks, mother? I thought it was only going to be two weeks."

"Well Alice wanted an extra week, because she said you will be in and out of consciousness for the first week, and the second and third weeks they want you to get up and walk around a bit each day. Bobbie said too, that this would be ideal, because Bobbie wants to have more tests done. Anyway dear daughter, you are now physically female, and I am very proud of you for standing your ground, and not letting anyone make you change your mind. Oh! There is one other thing too. Alice gave you natural implants for your breasts. With the hormones being able to do their job, you will really develop in the chest area. Alice said it could take anywhere from three to six weeks to notice any development, but your breasts will develop on their own now."

"But how is that possible? I mean, I know that breasts can develop better without testosterone in the way, but how will they develop like you said?"

"Alice said she took some veins and tissue from your derriá¨re, and implanted them on each side of your chest, so that your breasts will grow on their own like any other girl's. I have to confess that I don't really know much about it, but Alice said in a year you will be like any other woman your age. Also, Bobbie and I were talking too. We feel that you should have about three months of time release hormones, not one month after the other, but three months worth. This will help your body to develop like any other girl, and you will lose some weight in some places, and gain it in others. But when everything is completed, you will be a woman, and function like one too."

"But how can I function like a true female, if I can't have a monthly cycle or bear children?"

"Look at it this way, Jean. There are many women that are born barren. They can't have monthly cycles or bear children either, but that doesn't make them any less of a female, now does it."

"No, I guess not. I just never looked at it like that though."

"Well dear, I had better leave and get a little coffee. I will be back, so don't go anywhere." I tried laughing, but it hurt too much. So the "little" procedure turned into the srs. That is very all right with me. But now I wonder what the other phase to this is. Oh well, I guess I'll find out when the time comes. I yawned, and laid my head on my pillow, and went right to sleep.

I was to find out I had been sleeping for nine hours. The nurse on duty came in to check my IV drip, and my heart, and blood pressure monitors. When she saw that I was awake, she asked me if I was hungry. When I said yes, she said she would be right back. She looked at her watch and wrote something on the rubber glove she was wearing.

Her name was Trudy, and she was around my mother's age. She was still beautiful, and she had coal black hair. I was to find out that she was native American, and that she had been working as a registered nurse for fifteen years. When she came back she had a bag lunch in her hand.

"I'm afraid this is all we have, Jean. I could go out and get you something, but it would be something nutritious and not from any fast food place either. Do you want the bag lunch, or something from the restaurant?"

"This will do. I don't eat much anyway, so this is good." She left the bag lunch, and a small thing of milk. I ate what I wanted from the bag lunch, and drank the milk. What I didn't eat was the sandwich because it was bologna and swiss cheese. YUCK! But I did eat the yogurt, and the apple. Well, that was nutritious. I put the bag in the wastebasket, and when Trudy came back in, she took the bag out and looked inside.

"You didn't eat the sandwich, but you ate the yogurt and the apple. Well at least you had your nutrients today. Didn't you like the sandwich, Jean?"

"I don't like bologna or swiss cheese. So I didn't eat it. But the yogurt and the apple are nutritious, so I ate that."

"Tomorrow morning you will get a full breakfast. I will leave instructions with Connie when she comes on, to call down for a nice breakfast for you."

"Nothing too big, I would like to keep what figure I do have." We both giggled, and she went back to the nurses desk.

I fell fast asleep again, and didn't wake up until it was morning. I didn't have to worry about going to the bathroom, because the Foley catheter took care of that. I woke up just as the sun was coming up, and I could see frost on the windows. I looked at the clock by the television, and it said six thirty. Frost, I thought to myself, I wonder if it snowed.

Trudy came in and checked my monitors, adjusted the IV drip, and said she would be back in about an hour to take my vitals, as she called them, again. I went back to sleep, and Trudy woke me up because she had to take my vital signs. She listened to my heart, then my lungs, and after she took my pulse, and checked my monitors, she started to go back to the nurses desk.

"Excuse me Trudy. Did it snow last night?"

"I'm not sure, let me see out of the window." There was a break in the frost on the window, and she said no, it didn't snow, but now that we had our first frost of the year, any warm days would be indian summer. I thanked her, and she went back to the nurses desk.

I fell asleep again, and the next thing I knew Connie, the day nurse, was adjusting my IV, and checking my monitors. I moved my head so she could see I was awake, and then said she would be right back, because she had to check my temperature, blood pressure, respiration, and listen to my heart and lungs. I would have this done repeatedly over the next three weeks.

When Connie came back in, she told me that Trudy said to order a regular breakfast for me, and I should eat everything so I can build up my blood again. She said surgery takes a lot out of a person and they usually feel like sleeping a lot, at first. That is because the blood system is weakened a little by the loss of blood, and even though they use transfusions during surgery, it still leaves the blood weak. That is why, she said, it is important that I eat everything on the tray. She said I won't have to worry about gaining any weight, because she would make sure I didn't have any snacks brought in.

Connie set my breakfast tray down on the portable table, and raised the head of my bed so I could sit up and eat. She moved the table part over my bed, and as close as possible so I wouldn't have to lean too far over to eat. What leaning I did do, was very painful. It felt like someone had stabbed me in my tummy. Then I giggled to myself and thought, that is exactly what was done. I giggled again, then I ate what I could before I was tired and fell asleep again.

I slept until it was lunch time, and Connie woke me up to eat my lunch. She did the same thing with the portable table, and my bed, and I just ate what I could and was fast asleep again. When Connie came in to get my tray, she woke me up, and gave me a lecture on the finer points of nutrition, and why I should eat everything on my tray.

"But Connie, I feel so sleepy though. I eat what I can then I just fall asleep again. I'm tired Connie, and I hurt too, from the operation."

"Would you like a pain pill, Jean? Dr. Burns left a prescription for them at the desk."

"Yes Connie, that would be nice. What did she prescribe for my pain?"

"Vicodin. It is like a Tylenol tablet with codiene in it. If you think you are tired now, vicodin will help you sleep, as well as dull the pain, so it isn't bothering you. But you will sleep a lot more than you are now. Do want me to get you one?"

"Yes, please."

"I will be right back."

She took my tray out in to the hallway, and then came back with the pill. She gave me the pill, and handed me my water, and she said it will take anywhere from ten to twenty minutes to work. She said if I feel sleepy, just go to sleep, and don't worry about using the restroom, because that was what the Foley catheter was for. She took my vital readings again, and then said she would be back a little later.

I went to sleep again, and didn't wake up until June came on. She was the afternoon nurse, and worked until Trudy came on at ten o'clock. June was young, and told me she was just out of nursing school, and she was very glad that she had this opportunity to take care of a transgendered person. I thought to myself, that people are so condescending towards us, as if they pity us for being who we are. I wonder why that is? All I want to do is live as the woman I have always been. What is so wrong with that? Oh well, I have three weeks to be here, so I will just have to grin and bear it, as mother always says.

I fell asleep again, and this time June said she had to really shake me to wake up. She said that was the effect of the vicodin. I ate what I could of my dinner, and when June came back in, she just shook her head, because I didn't eat everything. She took my tray out in the hallway, and then came back in the room.

"All right Jean, I am going to check the stent."

"Stent?"

"Oh! Didn't Dr. Burns, or even Dr. Clements tell you about the stents?"

"No, not that I remember."

"Okay then. You have what is called a vaginal stent placed inside so the vaginal canal doesn't heal closed. If it does, it will have to be reopened surgically. The stent doesn't interfere with you being able to pee. I will be checking this every afternoon, until you go home. Then you will have to make sure the stents are in place, until the vaginal canal is completely healed. Does your mother live with you?"

"No I live on campus in the Gamma Delta Phi sorority house."

"You're a Gamma Delta? So am I! In that case sister, you have more than enough help, to help you with your stents, and anything else you may have to do."

"But you said you were just out of nursing school. When did you graduate?"

"I graduated last semester, before summer break."

"Oh! I just started this September. I never realized that my wanting to pledge my mother's house, would have gotten this far already. I thought I would have to wait a year, and the go through this in the summer. But I guess I have a guardian angel watching over me."

"You sure do, girlfriend, and that guardian angel is called Gamma Delta Phi. We are going to make sure you are very well taken care of."

"June, you were surprised to hear I was a Gamma Delta. Why is that?"

"Oh, probably because I don't have a lot of time to read our newsletter online. I had heard there was a transgendered person who pledged, but I haven't read about all the details. I will when I go home tonight. I save all the newsletters in a folder. Jean, from now on, I will make sure you are very well looked after. Oh! And another thing young lady, you had better start eating all of your food on your tray."

"Yes June, I will try." She rolled her eyes at the ceiling as she left to go and do her charting. I saw her talking to the other nurses, and they just looked in my direction. Then another nurse came in, and said her name was Elaine. She was my mother's age, and had auburn hair, and Irish green eyes. She still had a figure, and she was not one to be put off about anything.

"Good afternoon, Jean. I'm Elaine, and I am a Gamma Delta too, class of '67. Your mother was president of Gamma Delta Phi, when I went there. Yes Miss McMillan, like June said you will be well looked after from now on. There are Gamma Deltas on all three shifts on this floor. I was the one who got June assigned here, so she can see just how we treat patients. Some nurses just take your vital readings, and leave it go at that, because they have so many patients to look after. But we are a sisterhood, and we look after our own, as well as anyone else that comes along. That is why we are Gamma Deltas."

"Elaine, I have just one question. Why is it mother wants only Gamma Deltas around me. She wants me to buy from Gamma Deltas, and she wants me to see Gamma Delta doctors, and now even the nursing staff that takes care of me. Why is that, really?"

"Because with non Gamma Deltas, someone might not be as courteous to you. There are some nurses here that are very homophobic. They don't work on this floor, but we have them. So instead of having one of them, you were assigned here, because of the connection to Gamma Delta. I am also the head nurse on this floor, Jean, and I was the one that made sure June would be your nurse in the afternoon. Connie and Trudy are not Gamma Deltas, but they believe that a person has the right to be whoever they want to be, even what sex they need to be. So I made sure that even in this observation room, that they would be your nurses.

"Now on the days that Connie, June, Trudy, and I are off, I have made sure that the nurses taking care of you, are nurses who treat others they way they would like to be treated. Tell me something, Jean. How do you like living at the Gamma Delta Phi house?"

"I Love it. Everybody has been so nice, and so supportive. My roommate is Lily, she's native American, and is very nice. The other night, she woke me up a few times, because she said I was having a nightmare. I don't remember what it was about, but she said I was."

"That is not odd to have a nightmare or even a nice dream on the night before surgery. Well anyway, just so you know, your sisters are here, and we are looking after you. Now get some rest girlfriend, you are going to need all the strength you can get."

She left to go back to the nurses desk, and I laid there thinking about what she had said. I was being looked after by Gamma Deltas. I bet that Dr. Burns, Dr. Clements, and mother had something to do with this. I just bet. I fell asleep shortly after Elaine left, and I had a nice dream.

I dreamt that I was at a sorority picnic, and all the Gamma Deltas that could come, came and introduced themselves to me, and talked to me for the longest time. They never asked me why I wanted my surgeries, they never asked me how long did I wish I was female, but they talked about other things. Things they did when they lived in their Gamma Delta houses on the various campuses they went to college at. I was in the middle of a conversation with a Gamma Delta from Greece, and she spoke broken English, but she was understandable, when Trudy came in and woke me up to take my vital readings. I was in pain again, so I asked Trudy for a pain pill.

"Here you go, sweetie. Let me check your stent."

She pulled the curtain around my bed, and lifted my gown, so she could check the stent. She said everything was good, and opened up the curtain. I was in the observation room, next to the nurses desk, and the curtain had to be opened at all times, unless there was a nurse in the room with me, or even a doctor.

I went right back to sleep, and didn't wake up until breakfast. Connie came in with my tray, and admonishing me to eat everything, she left. When she came back in, she took my vital readings, and took my tray out in the hall. When she saw my tray she just shook her head, and went 'tsk tsk.' I mean, what exactly am I supposed to do? I will not stuff myself until I am full. Food is supposed to be to keep us alive, and put nutrients in our bodies to keep us healthy. Food was never intended to be eaten until you can't eat any more.

Between my being very weak after my surgery, and the vicodin, I slept mostly all the time, when I wasn't eating, or having tests done. After this week is over, Bobbie wants to do another MRI. I was told that I had one CT scan already done, but was told that I was asleep when they did it. I will never get over how hospitals can do that, I mean take you for testing and not even wake you.

After going through the same routine day after day, the first week went very fast. That's because most of the time I was sleeping. When Friday came, I woke up and found something soft by my head. I looked at the most beautiful teddy bear I had ever seen. This one was powder pink, with white sides, and had a very pretty darker pink bow around the neck. I held it in my arms, and was fast asleep again.

Chapter XIV - Jean's Hospital Experience

When I woke up, mother was sitting by the bed. She looked at me with those concerned mother eyes, and then she wiped a hair away from my forehead.

"Honey, the nurses are telling me that you're not eating everything on your tray. Sweetie you have to eat, so you can get your strength back. You aren't going to gain any weight, because you won't be snacking between meals, and I will make sure of that. But you have to eat."

"I know mother, but I eat just so much and then I feel full, so I don't eat any more. I have a question though. Elaine and I talked last night. Did you and both doctors have anything to do with me being on this floor?"

"Not on this floor, because this is where general surgery patients are looked after. But we did have something to do with the nurses who are taking care of you. That is because we want you to be around Gamma Deltas. See Jean, we aren't just a sorority while we are in college, we are a sisterhood, and we believe in taking our pledge to the outside world, and letting people see that there are decent women in the world that can make a difference. Remember what you were told, that when you stop pledging is when they bury you? Well that is true, because being a pledge is a learning experience, and we never stop learning. But that was changing the subject. I want you to eat everything on your tray from now on. Even though they were giving you transfusions while you were in the operating room, your blood still needs the nutrients to build it back up, because it is still weak.

"Jean, you are my only child, and I am proud for what you have accomplished in such a short period of time. When Bobbie was talking to me about doing the actual srs, instead of the simple hide and seek we were planning, I was all for it, because then you would have accomplished both of your goals in one semester. I talked with your professors, and they all said that it was a very good idea, and they will give you class participation credit even though you aren't there. They said you deserve the credit, because if you weren't here, you'd be in class. Dr. McClellan is going to come up and see you too, and more than once. Like I said we are a sisterhood, and we take care of our own, and anyone else that comes along. Just remember that you have to eat in order to gain your strength back, otherwise you won't be walking around, you'll be riding around in a wheelchair, and those things are not the most comfortable. So promise me that you will eat everything on your tray."

"All right mother, I promise to eat everything on my tray. I still say they're giving me way too much though."

"The portions are actually metered out, according to the dietician's recommendations. So it isn't a lot, and if you want I can help you order dinner now." We looked at the menu together, and mother said the roast beef would be good. I said I would try it.

I called the number on the menu, and when the lady answered I ordered the roast beef entree, with a garden salad, milk, and an orange. I asked the lady how many pieces of roast beef there were in the meal, and she said two big slices. I asked her if she could make it only one slice, and she said yes. I told her that was my dinner order, and hung up.

"Well I see you ordered that just the way you like it. Not too much, and not too little. That means you are going to eat everything. Isn't that right young lady?"

"Yes mother, I will eat everything."

She gave me a big hug, and then sat down in the chair. She looked very tired and exhausted, so I laid back and went to sleep. I woke up a while later, and mother was still sitting in the chair, sleeping. I looked at how peaceful her face was, and I went right back to sleep, knowing that she was there. Of course the nurses where here too, but it was comforting to know that my mother was there too looking after me.

I dreamed that I was at a sorority dance, and that Paul was leading me around the dance floor song after song after song. He was holding me close on the slow dances, and twirling me on the fast ones. Then we sat down for a bit and talked. He told me I was even prettier than he had ever seen me, and that he had no regrets being my fiancé. I smiled that girlish coy smile of mine, and he pulled me close and kissed me. I must have been talking in my sleep, when a familiar voice woke me up.

"Paul!" I exclaimed, thinking I was still dreaming.

"Hi princess." He leaned over and kissed me on my forehead, and said the lips were next, when I leave.

"It's really good to see you. But be quiet tho, so mother can sleep."

"I'm awake, dear. Hi Paul."

"Well I just came to visit with my princess. I had heard she was having surgery done, and I wanted to be here for her. I also have some good news too. Remember the guy that wanted you to be his girlfriends? The guy from the mall. Well, he was arrested by campus police yesterday after you left to come here. He beat up a guy who was with his girlfriend, and told him to stay away from his girl. The girl said she had to use the restroom, and went and called the campus police. They charged him with felony battery, and he will no doubt go before the dean. It is likely he will be expelled."

"Why do some guys do things like that though?"

"Your guess is as good as mine, princess. I have always thought that having decent muscle tone, was for doing the things guys have to do, like lifting heavy things, and being able to stay healthy. I use my fists only when I have to defend myself or my family and my fiancée. But there are some guys who think that they have muscles so they can intimidate others. Anyway, he won't be there when you get back."

"Do you think he will go to prison?"

"Maybe. I certainly hope so. So anyway, princess, how do you feel?"

"I feel very tired, and weak. If I fall asleep Paul, will you still be here? I need you now more than I ever did."

"Of course I will still be here, as long as the visiting hours don't end."

"Well the reason I asked, is because I am so tired, and I hurt from the surgery." Paul took my hand in his, and held it. "I'm just so tired, my prince charming, but I need you to be here."

"I will be here, princess. That's part of my job being your man. I want you to get well so we can get married when everything you need done, is completed."

"Ummm Paul? When I came in here for my surgery, my doctor and another doctor, said they were going to do the complete srs. They said it was important that it be done as soon as possible. I am now physically female, and when I heal from this, I have to come back and the doctor will do another phase. She said it will take three phases, to be completely female, and that I will be able to function as a real female too."

"That's great, princess. I was talking with one of your sisters yesterday, and she told me that when you come back, your birth defect will be corrected. Looks like she was right."

I pressed the nurses button, and when the nurse came in, I asked her if I could have a pain pill. She said of course, and went to get it.

"I know this is going to sound corny, but are you sure everything is going to be all right?"

"Yes Paul, everything is going to be all right. I feel the pain from the surgery, but everything is going to be just fine. When I was talking to mother and Dr. Burns, I was told that I was going to be here so they could hide the gross birth defect. But Dr. Burns was talking to another doctor, and the doctor said that I needed the srs as soon as possible, and with what Addie said in her report that I was ready for the srs, Dr. Clements said she would do that instead of, what she called, hide and seek of a few parts. So yes my prince charming, everything is going to be just fine." He leaned over and kissed me on my lips, and it surprised me, because he said that would wait until I left. I guess he couldn't wait. I giggled at that thought, that poor Paul needed that kiss as much as I did. The nurse brought me the pain pill, and I took it.

"Mother, I feel very tired. I need to sleep a little more." The sleeping pill the nurse gave me, made me very drowsy, and while Paul was still holding my hand, I fell asleep.

When I woke up, Paul was sitting in the other chair, still holding my hand. I asked him what time it was, and he said time for me to go back to sleep. He no sooner said that when the dinner tray was brought in.

"Smells like roast beef, princess."

"It is my prince charming. I ordered it earlier when mother was talking to me about eating everything on my tray. I told her that I eat what I can, then I feel full, so I don't eat any more."

"But you should eat though, princess. You need to get your strength back. I have never had surgery, even for my tonsils, but I know that you lose a lot of nutrients even with the transfusions they give you during surgery. The blood needs to be built back up. So, from now on my sweet princess, you eat everything on your tray, even if you feel full."

"Yes my prince charming, I will eat everything on my tray. But what if I eat everything on my tray, and I throw it back up?"

"Well, I'm sure the nurses have something to settle your tummy, princess. But if you feel sick after you eat, then buzz for the nurse, and she will give you something for your upset tummy." I ate slowly, as Paul sat there talking. It was so nice to hear his voice. Just as I finished my dinner, I heard another voice.

"May I come in, Jean?"

"Dr. McClellan!" I exclaimed. "It is nice to see you." Paul got up and gave her his seat.

"You may call me Cyndi, sister Jean. I just wanted to come by and see how my favorite pupil is doing. I was talking to Addie, and she told me what was going to happen. I think it's great, because after you heal from the surgeries, then you won't have to worry about it later. You can get on with your life. There is one drawback tho. When you and Paul decide to get married, I want to come to the ceremony."

"You will be invited Dr. McClellan, excuse me, Cyndi, because our marriage is going to be a sorority event. You know one of the sisters getting married, and the maid of honor is going to be Kendra, because if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here now. The bridesmaids are going to be the rest of the sisters, and we need to find out who is going to be the flower girls. I want two of them walking on each side of the aisle. Does that sound like a plan my dear prince charming?"

"Yes it does. Like I said before, you are one girl who uses her head for something more than air."

He got a barrage of pillows thrown at him, even Cyndi threw one at him. We must have been laughing and giggling too loudly, because the nurse came in wanting to know what was going on. When we told her, she even threw a pillow at Paul. Poor Paul, he was so out numbered.

"All right, all right, I give," Paul said in a mock apologetic voice. "Anyway princess, I think your plan is a good one."

"You know Paul, you're the luckiest one in the wedding, because we girls have to plan for the gowns, and what color the bridesmaids are going to wear. Since I am a virgin, I will wear the traditional white, but even at that I still have to pick out the style of gown I want. I want one that is going to be very feminine. All you have to worry about is getting your tux, and to be on time. Everything else we girls have to do. So that's why I say you are the luckiest one in the wedding."

"Well princess, I guess we guys don't have to fool around with everything you girls do, but still, we have to make sure that the tux we do wear not only shows masculinity, but is appealing to the eye."

"Yes Paul, but you don't have to worry about a corset, or what color garter I am going to wear that you will take off when we go on our honeymoon. You don't have to worry about smelling too sweet. You just put on a little after shave, and you're ready to go. We have to worry about our under things, make sure our stockings don't run, and walking in a gown that if I made one misstep, I'd trip and probably ruin the gown. I want a train on my gown too, just for tradition.

"So anyway Paul, now that I am physically female, and I have only one more phase to go in this, when do you think we can get married?"

"When everything is said and done. You heal from all that has to be done, then we will make a date for the wedding. And like Jean said, this is going to be a sorority and fraternity affair. My frat brothers wanted me to invite them, so I will. That way we will all have someone to dance with. Anyway, I can see that we're about to be told to leave. I will come back tomorrow and every day that you are here. See you tomorrow, princess."

"See you tomorrow, my handsome prince." He kissed on my lips, and then he left. Mom and Cyndi stayed behind, and gave me a kiss on my forehead promising to be back tomorrow as well. After they left, I laid back down, and went to sleep.

That's mostly what I did for the first eight days. I mostly slept. I was so tired, and I didn't even feel like watching television. Paul was there everyday like he said he would be, and he even brought a small radio so I could listen to music. Mother came in about lunch time on the eighth day I was there. She kissed me on my forehead and then sat down. She looked very tired, like she was going through all of this instead of me.

"Mother, are you all right? You look very tired and exhausted."

"Yes dear, I'm all right. I am just worried about you, and until you get your strength back, I will be worried. Honey remember that you are my only child, and I will dote on you like I always have. But when you are able to get up and walk around at a good pace, then I will stop worrying so much. I want you to know that I am here for you for whatever you need."

"Thank you, mother."

Connie brought in my lunch tray, and I sat there and nibbled at it. It really wasn't that much, so I ate everything on the tray. After lunch was over, Connie said she was going to remove the Foley catheter, because the doctor wanted me to get up to use the bathroom and to shower. After the catheter was out, a lady came in from physical therapy, and said we were going for a little walk, just up and down the ward hallway. I was told to let her know if I couldn't go any further, and she would bring me back to the room. She put this belt around my waist, and held onto it, like it was a leash. She said this was so she could stop me from falling.

When we got out in the hallway, we started walking toward the far end of the ward. It seemed like it was taking forever, and I told the lady I had to rest. We had only gotten about three rooms away from mine and we turned around, and went back to my room.

"Jean, I just want you to know you did really well. My name is Janet, and I will be coming here everyday about the same time to go for your walk. The doctor wants you to walk a lot, but not so it would make you fall. Later on Jen will come down and take you for another walk. But you tell her like you told me, when you get tired."

"All right Janet, I will." Then she left.

Janet was my height, and weighed a little more than I did by a pound or two. She had sun yellow blonde hair, and deep blue eyes. She smiled a lot when she talked to you, and I wondered if that was because she had to, or if that was the way she always was, even away from work. The little walking I did really tired me out. So I laid back down and went to sleep.

The next thing I knew mother was waking me up to eat my dinner. Mother said she ordered it while I was sleeping. There was a small helping of macaroni and cheese, one slice of a pork roast, a small garden salad, one slice of wheat toast, and of course milk and tea. Mother said she thought coffee would be too much right now, and tea was lighter, and better for me.

After I ate everything on my tray, Jen from physical therapy came in, and introduced herself, and said that I needed to go for another walk. She also said that if I got tired to let her know, and we would come back to the room. She was a little taller than me by about two inches, but she seemed to be about the same in weight. She had light brown hair with natural shimmering highlights, and she kind of floated rather than walked.

As we walked in the same direction as when Janet took me, I got all the way to the end. There are three chairs there by the window, and I said I needed to sit for a while. She said that was fine, and that I was doing really well. After about five minutes, I told her I was ready to walk back to the room. She walked me to the bed, and took off the restraining belt, and I laid back down. I don't know much of anything after that, because I went right to sleep.

I woke up to use the restroom, and saw mother was asleep in the chair. I had to smile, because she was going to be here as long as I was. I walked slowly to the restroom, and back to my bed. I went right back to sleep, and when I woke up, mother wasn't there. Elaine came in to take my vital readings again, and I asked where mother was.

"Your mother went home to get a bath, a change of clothes, and to have a good night's rest. I told her I would tell you when you woke up. She will be back a little later in the day, because she said she had to show a couple of houses today."

"What time is it?"

"It is two o'clock in the morning, time for all little girls to be in bed." I giggled, but she looked serious.

"Anyway Jean, she has to do some work today, and she will be back. Can I get you anything?"

"No, I just want to sleep. Good night, Elaine."

"Good night sweetie." Then she went back to the nurses desk.

I slept until Connie came in to take the vital readings, and then I she asked if I needed help to get into the shower. I said just a little, and she helped me into the bathroom. She waited until I was undressed, and told me if I felt I needed help, just to pull the cord on the wall. I was really in pain, and Connie said she would help, and wanted to know which parts I needed help with. I pointed to where I had my surgery done, and she said it was not a problem. She helped me wash there, and then helped me dry off. I was in a lot of pain by this time, and Connie helped me to the bed.

"I will be right back with a pain pill."

I just laid down, and tried not to scream. The pain was really bad, and I felt tears rolling down my cheeks. Connie came back in and gave me the pill, and told me to just relax. That was easy for her to say, because I was really in pain.

"Jean, until you aren't in so much pain, I think we will have you take sponge baths. The PCA will help you with that if you need it. Now just lie back, and close your eyes. I will be right here in case you need me."

It wasn't long before I was alseep again. I didn't hear Connie leave, but when I woke up Janet was there for my walk. I told her I didn't think I could walk very far, and explained my experience after my shower.

"Jean, we have a couple of weeks to get you mobilized. So if you don't think you can make it, you just tell me. We're not in that much of a hurry. Can you sit up?"

I sat up with a lot of difficulty, and Janet called PT and said she needed an extra pair of hands. She said this wasn't because she couldn't stop me from falling, but two pairs of hands were better than one pair. Another lady came in with another belt, and she and Janet put the belts around me, and they walked on both sides of me.

"Hi Jean, my name is Doris. The reason Janet called for someone to help, was because of the pain you are going through, and if you start to fall, we can make sure you don't hurt yourself." Doris was older than Janet, and had coal black hair and deep brown eyes. She was native American too, and she always smiled when she talked.

After we got about halfway to the end of the hallway, I started to really slow down. I grabbed onto the hand rail along the side of the hallway, and just stood there. Janet called for a wheelchair, and said I had had enough exercise for now. When the man with the wheelchair got there, I was sitting on the floor. He helped Janet and Doris get me into the wheelchair, and took me back to my room. This man was very strong, and when we got in my room, he got me up and into the bed. His name was Rick, and he was way taller than either of us. He also weighed a lot more too. I couldn't guess how much, but it was way more than I weighed. I guessed he was over six feet, and he told me he was six feet four inches.

But he picked me up like I didn't weigh anything, and laid me in the bed. He asked if I was comfortable, and I said no because I was in a lot of pain. He fluffed my pillows for me, and said to relax. Connie came in with another pain pill, and I laid back and went to sleep. Connie woke me up for lunch, and asked if everything was all right, and how did I feel. I told her I was having a lot of pain, and she said she would be right back with a pain pill. She brought me the pill and I took it with my milk, and then laid back down.

I wasn't resting too long before they came in and told me I had to go for my walk. I wasn't in a hurry to go anywhere, because I really did hurt. But they wouldn't take no for an answer, and had me sit up. They put restraining belts around me, and each one was on each side of me. We walked very slowly to the end of the hall, where I sat down in one of the chairs, and said I couldn't make it back walking. Janet called for a wheelchair again, and the same guy brought it to me. He helped me get up, and in to the chair, and wheeled me back to my room. He picked me up like before, and laid me in the bed.

I thanked Rick for helping me, and all he said was just relax and get better. Janet sat down by the bed, and looked very concerned that I couldn't walk back to the room.

"Jean, you are going to have to try harder, because Dr. Burns said you can't leave here until you can walk back and forth, and be able to climb stairs. That is why it is so important for you to be able to put the pain aside, and just walk. I know how pain can make you think you can't go any further, but believe me when I say, the more you walk, the more you won't notice the pain."

Was she kidding? I just had major surgery to be physically female, and it felt like my whole body was on fire. Why is it, that when you're in pain, they can tell you what is best for you? Have they ever had srs, or for that matter, any other abdominal surgery? It is really interesting though, because I could write a whole thesis just on this subject alone.

Bobbie came in a little after I got back to my room, and Janet told her the little, well she said very little, progress that I was making. She told Bobbie that if I didn't start walking back and forth regularly, my muscles could become so weak, I would have to have a wheelchair to just use the restroom.

"Jean, you have to walk, sweetie. I know you are probably in a lot of pain, dear, but you have to walk it off. The nurses can give you a pain pill, because I have a standing order for as long as you are here. I am also having them come and do another MRI tomorrow. In about an hour they are going to come and do another CT scan, plus I want more blood drawn. Now that your estrogens have had a little time to work, I want to see just how they are doing. You have been eating good, now I want you to walk good. Jean, if you don't walk your leg muscles will become weak and atrophied. Then it will take longer for you even be able to stand up, let alone walk anywhere. So if you feel you can't walk when Janet and Doris come to get you, ask for a pain pill. Well, maybe an hour or a half hour before they come for your walk. I also want you to be able to climb stairs too, because when you get back to Gamma Delta, you will have to climb the stairs to your room.

"But you have to walk. Now, I want to look at how your doing, so feet in the stirrups young lady, and let's take a look."

I put my feet in the stirrups, and she began feeling around, and I winced because of the pain. She looked inside to see if it was healing there too, and then she said all right I could put my feet down.

"Well, you're still raw there, but it is coming along nicely though. So, remember what I said, Jean. You have to walk. All right?"

"All right Bobbie, I will try harder."

"Good girl. So outside of the pain, and not being able to walk very far, how is everything else?"

"I'm worried about mother. She came in yesterday and she looked like she was almost dead. There are red circles under her eyes, and she isn't getting enough rest, because she is worried about me. Bobbie, can you give her something to help her sleep, even if it is right here?"

"I'll do what I can. But you promised me you will try harder to walk a little farther each day. You do that. Now, what you said about your mother concerns me. She isn't only my patient, she is one of my best friends. So I will do what I can to help her sleep better."

"Hi Jean, I'm Courtney, and I'm here to take you for your CT scan. Let me look at your bracelet. All right, ready, here we go."

She pushed my bed out into the hallway, and took me to radiology again, and to a room that said CT Scanner. She pushed the bed by another bed, but it looked more like an operating table, except this one had a sort of mattress, and a very small pillow. She helped me onto the other bed, and had me lie down. She went into another little room, and told me not to move, until she said it was all right. Then the bed moved backwards, like in the MRI Lab, and it stopped underneath an arch with lights. Courtney asked me if I was ready, and she started the machine, and all the brightly colored lights came on. She cautioned me again not to move, and I heard whirring noises, but not like when I had the MRI. I must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew Courtney was waking me up and saying we were all done. She helped back onto my bed, and pushed me back to my room.

When I got there, Bobbie was still there, and so was mother. Bobbie said she had a long talk with mother about her sleeping at night. She said that mother had said she was worried about me, and figured she needed to be where I could see her.

"Jean, how have you been sleeping at night?"

"Well I have been sleeping off and on ever since the surgery, Bobbie."

"But, I mean do you wake up during the night?"

"Only if I have enough pain to wake me up, which has been every night since the surgery."

"All right, and have the nurses been giving you your pain pills?"

"Yes they have, and I have gone right back to sleep after too."

"All right. See Jeannie, she is fine. I want you to go home at night and get your proper rest. Jean is fine, and I just checked her. She is still raw yet, and will be for a while until it heals. The vaginal stent is doing its job nicely too. Now either you go home at night and get proper rest, or I will admit you for being too weak due to fatigue."

"Yes Bobbie, and I know you're right too, but I just feel I have to be here for her. She is so precious to me, Bobbie, that I would never forgive myself if she woke up and got scared because I wasn't here."

"I can sympathize Jeannie, I really can. But you need sleep, too. Tell you what I will do, I will see to it that they bring another bed in here, and you can sleep in that one. Is that all right with you Jean, if your mother sleeps in here with you."

"Yes Bobbie, it is. Then I wouldn't feel so lonely at night. During the day when she is at work, I don't have time to be lonely, because I am doing other things, like trying my best to walk, going for this or that test. It is just at night when I feel that I am alone."

"All right, I will be right back. Jeannie you should go home and get an over night bag, so you have a few changes of clothes here and some under things. I have to call down to the admitting desk so they know you're here. Then I have to call the hospitality office and arrange for a bed. They may charge you maybe twenty dollars a night. Would that be all right with you?"

"That would be fine. She is only going to be here until a week from Sunday anyway. So yes, that would be fine."

"All right, I will be right back."

Bobbie left, and I had never heard of a hospital doing that. But I guess I have a lot to learn. Knowing mother was going to be able to sleep here nights, made me feel very safe and protected, that I just went right to sleep. I slept until dinner time, and before they even took my tray away, they came and got me for my walk. This time I was going to try to walk further, but I hadn't been able to because of the pain. So, when Janet and Doris came for my last walk for the day, I told them I would try and make it back walking.

"Good girl, Jean. That's what we like to hear. Now let's see if you can do it."

Janet smiled after she had said that, and we started for my walk. Mother wasn't in the room, but there was another bed in the bed two spot. They put the belts around me again, and we started walking to the far end of the hallway. It seemed like a long journey, but we finally made it to the windows. I sat down for a bit, and when I thought I had rested enough, I told Janet and Doris I was ready to try to walk back. We got half way back to the room, and I collapsed. Janet called for a wheelchair, and a lady brought it this time. She looked older than mother, and was about my height. She helped Janet and Doris get me into the wheelchair, and got me back to the room. Mother still wasn't there yet, so she probably went home to get her clothes. When they got me in the room, June came in and immediately took my vital readings. She also took my temperature, and asked how I felt.

"I feel really lightheaded. When I fell in the hallway, it was like I saw black, then nothing at all. I even feel like I'm not on this mattress, because I can't seem to feel it."

"All right, I'm going to do something, and I want you to tell me what you feel."

She helped me turn over on my side, and then it felt like she pinched me, but it didn't seem to hurt all that bad.

"What did you feel, Jean?"

"I felt a dull ache. Did you pinch me?"

"Yes I did. I don't like the sound of that. I'm calling Dr. Burns, and Dr. Clements. Something isn't right here."

It wasn't long before Bobbie and Alice came in the room. Bobbie did a reflex exam, and when I didn't respond she had Alice check. There were some areas where I jumped, and other areas, where I was supposed to have some kind of reaction, but didn't. This worried both doctors, and they called in a third doctor who is a neurosurgeon. As the third doctor was starting to go past my room, Bobbie called out to her.

"Colleen, in here. Colleen I'm worried, because she seems to be having some kind of nerve trauma. Do you think you can find out why?"

"Yes, I know why. She needs to go back into the OR right now. I will want the two of you assisting, and I will be explaining the procedure as we go along, so you know what to do if it happens again. This is nothing really serious, but we have to make sure other nerves aren't affected. You get her to the OR and I will make sure we can get in.

Colleen Snyder was a neurosurgeon of some importance I gathered, because even without an exam she knew what was wrong. She had nice flowing brown hair, and sky blue eyes. When she talked she sounded like she was singing, even when she was talking seriously. A bit later two men came in and got my bed, and took me to the operating room. I didn't know what was going on, but I knew it had to be serious enough to go back to the OR.

When we got in the operating room, the two men lifted me onto the operating table, and left. There was another person there too, that put a mask over my face, and told me to just relax and breathe normally. I was asleep in no time at all, and woke up again the recovery room. When I opened my eyes, Julie was right there to take my vital readings from the monitors.

"Hi zshu...zshu...zshul...zshulie. Whe...Whe...Where...am...I?

"You're in the recovery room again, Jean. But I can see that the anesthetic hasn't completely wore off yet. Your speech is kind of slurred and halting. Go back to sleep for a bit, and when you wake up we'll talk."

I didn't have to be told twice, because Julie no sooner said that than I was fast asleep. I was dreaming again that Paul and I were at a dance, and he was twirling me around, and around. He led me all over the dance floor, and then he leaned over and kissed me. I melted into his arms, and felt very safe and protected. It was sometime before I woke up again, but Julie wasn't here. There was another nurse. Her name was Frances but everybody called her Fran. She was older than Julie, and had grey hair. She must have seen me moving, and she came over to the bed.

"Well, I see you are finally awake. I have some orange juice for you, and I want you to just sip it. In the morning you can have a full breakfast, but you are going to be here past the three weeks. Dr. Burns said that you had a pinched a nerve when you fell, and Dr. Snyder fixed it. But the doctors all agreed that you will stay here for an indeterminate amount of time. But it will definitely be past the the three weeks they said. Julie was going to tell you this, but she went off duty while you were sleeping. Anyway, it is nice to meet you, Jean."

"What time is it?"

"It is two o'clock in the morning. I am going to take your vitals now, and we can talk a little more, because right now you are the only one in here." She took my readings, and wrote them in my chart.

"Fran, are you a Gamma Delta, too?"

"No Jean. But I do have a transgendered daughter. So you have nothing to fear from me. How do you feel right now?"

"Like I'm on fire, I hurt so much."

"I'll get you a pain pill, then." She went to get the pill, and came back and handed me my water and the pill. After I had taken the pill, she talked a little more.

"Jean, the doctors all told me what you have done in such a short time. You have made history at Gamma Delta Phi, and Dr. Burns said to tell you, 'chin up'."

"Thank you Fran." I said Fran as I drifted off to sleep.

When I woke up, I was in my room, and Connie was just coming in with my breakfast tray. "Good morning, Jean," she sang out as she came in the room.

"Good morning, Connie."

"How are you feeling, Jean?"

"In a lot of pain. May I have a pain pill, please?"

"Yes, I'll be right back with it." She left to get the pill, and I just laid there. I wasn't even interested in my breakfast, that is how much pain I was in. I looked over at the other bed, and saw mother had already left for work. Connie came back with the pill, and raised my bed so I could take it with my water.

"I want you to eat your breakfast, young lady."

"I will try Connie. But I really hurt."

"I know sweetie, but you have to eat to get your strength back. If you like, I can help you, so you don't feel too much pain. Sometimes activity, even as small as eating, can cause pain after surgery. Do you want me to help you?"

"Yes, please."

She pulled the chair closer, and started feeding me. It wasn't that I didn't want to eat, but the pain was so bad, all I wanted to do was sleep. When she was finished feeding me, she let me go right to sleep. I slept until lunch time, and I asked for another pain pill. Mother was here then, and she helped me with lunch.

"Honey, when you are through with lunch, you go back to sleep. I can see it in your face that you are in real pain. I have to go back to the office, but I will be back by dinner time."

She gave me the last bite of lunch, and then made sure I was as comfortable as I could be. Then she kissed me on my forehead and went back to work. I slept until dinner time. When I woke up, mother was sitting in the chair by the bed. She asked me how I felt, and said I was feeling better, but still in a lot of pain. Now I understood what Fran was saying about me being here past the three weeks. It was going to take a while to get over this pain, and then testing to see if the pinched nerve was really "fixed". Not to mention that by that time, I would be healing very well from the srs. The only thing I didn't like about the srs after care was the stents. They actually hurt when the nurses put them in.

"Wake up sleepy head," mother said as she positioned my dinner tray so I could sit up and eat. I told her that sitting up was painful, and she said that was because of the srs. She pressed the nurses button, and Trudy came in with a pain pill. I took it with my milk, and just sat there and looked a the tray. Every time I tried to reach the little bit to get something on the fork, it would drop out of my hand. "Mother, I need a little help."

"Of course, dear."

Mother came over and helped me eat. She took it slow, and when I was finished, I used the same pad I used for the nurses to turn the television on. I went through the channels, and found cartoons. I left it there because I needed something to make me at least smile. Mother turned the chair so she could see the television, and we watched cartoons together, just like when I was younger.

I did more than just smile though. Cartoons are supposed to be funny, and I was laughing so much it really did hurt. Tom and Jerry always made me laugh, and then there was Sylvester and Tweety. As many times as I have seen the same cartoons, they never failed to make me laugh. Mother was laughing too, and I was glad she had something else to do besides go to work and worry about me.

Bobbie came in to see how I was doing, and saw mother laughing. "Well, cartoons huh. I wish I had the time to sit and watch them with you. I need to check your surgery area, and I need to see if you have any feeling where you didn't have any before."

She had me put my feet in the stirrups again, and she checked the vaginal area. Then she took off the rubber gloves she had on, and put on another pair. Then she started poking and prodding on my lower back. When she pinched me, I yelped.

"Yes, I would say that Colleen did a good job." We all giggled, and Bobbie said she would be back tomorrow, but call if I needed her before that.

The next three weeks went by very fast, as I was doing more walking, and getting further each day. I was able to climb the staircase up the five stairs that Janet and Doris said to climb. The surgery from the pinched nerve was healed, and I was still a little sore from the srs, but it wasn't bad. The pain pills that Bobbie had prescribed were really working. By the time that I was able to climb five stairs by myself, and walk to the end of the hallway and back, without falling or complaining about the pain, Bobbie said I could go back to the Gamma Delta house.

Bobbie, Cyndi, and Colleen, as well as mother were there when I left, and told me to make sure I kept using the vaginal stents until the vaginal canal was completely healed. I got hugs from the nurses as well as my four sisters who made sure I became the woman I really needed to be. They never let me quit, but kept pushing and pushing, until I could do it on my own. Paul also came to make sure I got back safely.

He took my hand and gave me a nice, mmmmmmmmmm, long kiss, and said that was for being brave to go through all of this. He looked at the lady who brought the wheelchair, and told her he would push it. That's my prince charming. When we got to the front door, mother and Paul gave the man their valet tickets, and two of them went to get the cars. I asked mother if it was all right if I could ride back with Paul, and she said yes that was fine. Welcome to womanhood Jean, you are definitely going to make it, I thought to myself.

Chapter XV - Jean's Homecoming Welcome

When we got to the student parking lot, Paul helped me get out of the car, and held my arm in case I stumbled. We walked to the Gamma Delta house, and as we went in, everybody yelled Surprise. There was a banner over the staircase that said Welcome Home Jean in great big letters.

I put my hand over my mouth and said, "oh my god" and I dragged out the word god. I was just blown away by it all. Then Lydia came over a gave me a hug, and said "welcome home, dear." as did everybody else too. There were also streamers and balloons too. They had set up a buffet table in the dining room. After I had noticed all of this and got hugs from everyone, I sat down. I was just so overwhelmed I started crying. Kendra came over and held me until I stopped crying. Julia, who is one of the cheerleaders, and on the pledge committee snapped a picture, and I jumped when the flash went off. Everybody laughed, and I started to get into the excitement of it all.

Mother asked for everyone's attention, and then she started giving a little speech.

"Ladies, and gentleman, Jean is going to need a lot of help in the coming weeks. She will be able to go to class, but if she feels pain and takes a pain pill, then she will be drowsy, and someone is going to have to bring her assignments back here, so she doesn't miss any lessons. On those days she will miss only the lecture, but she can do the work her instructors give her. Jean has had her complete surgeries instead of what we planned to do. So she is now like us physically. If she seems a little touchy and gets moody, that is part of the recovery that she has to go through, so just be patient with her. I just want to thank everyone for being there for her. Thank you."

After mother gave her little speech, Kendra said we should get me something from the buffet table. I was hungry, and when I saw the spread they had laid out, I was just so amazed. They did all of this just for my homecoming. This is a real sisterhood, and I turned to Kendra.

"All of this just because I got out of the hospital?"

"Yes sister Jean, all because you came back to us. I told you that everyone here loves you like the girl you are. Now that you have had your sex reassignment surgery, the others said we should have a party, and that is what we are doing. The guys from the frat house are coming over too, so we can dance. Paul is already here, so you have your partner." We both giggled. "But I want you to know, Jean, that everyone here was all in favor of this. Julia was the one who said we should have a real homecoming, not just another party. Everyone took a vote on it, and it was unanimous."

"I...I, uhm...I..."

"Jean it's all right. You don't have to say anything, just enjoy the party. This is your party anyway. So enjoy it. We did all of this not because we had to, but because we wanted to. Jean, you have not only made history as the first ever male to female transsexual to pledge our house, but since you have joined us, you have also brought honor to our house, because you were just being you. For that, and for everything else you have gone through to get here, this party is for you."

"Thank...wait I should say this to everybody." I went back into the living room, and most everybody was still there. "Excuse me, I have something I would like to say. Thank you all for supporting me and helping me to achieve my dreams. I am really just blown away by all of this. Thank you so much for everything."

There was a deafening applause, and then everybody started congratulating me, and telling me how brave I was for going through everything just to be who I really am. To be honest though, I am not really all that brave, I just needed to pledge my mother's house, and be the girl on the outside that I am on the inside. I looked at this as something that needed to be done anyway. My very gross birth defect is gone, and I am very happy.

Another thing I didn't need was anything done to my voice, because it was still high enough to be a girl's voice, and my face and chin didn't need to be gone over either, as I had my mother's looks and an oval face. I had a beautiful head of hair, and I was going to enjoy messing around with it to see the different styles I could have. I then decided that I didn't eat anything when I was in the dining room, so I went to get something non fattening, and a cup of punch. They had made a banquet just for this day. There were all kinds of sandwiches, and there was salad fixings, as well as coffee, tea, milk, and fruit juice. I took a turkey on rye sandwich and a thing of juice that had a little plastic straw taped to the side. I sat down on a chair by the wall, because the table was so full of food, nobody could sit there anyway. Lily came in a got a sandwich and a thing of punch, then sat in the chair next to me.

"Jean this may sound redundant, but how are you feeling right now?"

"I'm feeling all right. The pain pills are working to keep the pain down, and I feel complete. Now I can go through school and graduate as a physical girl, and not someone who is half and half. When they told me at the hospital they had done the whole srs, I was like 'it's about time'. So I guess now I just have to get my priorities in order."

"Seems to me, Jean, that you have your priorities in order. First of all you wanted so much to pledge this house. You did that. You needed so much to be physically the girl you really are. You have done that. So no matter what you set your mind to, I am sure that you will be able to accomplish it without much trouble at all."

"Thank you, Lily. You have been a very good friend, too, all through this. I am just happy that everyone here supported me."

While we were sitting there talking, someone knocked on the door. Why didn't they use the doorbell? I mean, that's what its there for. I got up and went out into the little hall, and saw Paul's frat brothers being invited in. They were cautioned they had to stay on the first floor, and were not allowed upstairs. They were also cautioned that there would be no drinking of alcohol during the party. They were shown to the living room, and Lydia told them the rest of the rules.

"You are here at our invitation. This is a homecoming for one of our sisters. We asked you to come and join with us in welcoming our sister Jean back home after a very long stay in the hospital. If you are found violating the rules we set down, then you will be asked to leave, and if you don't leave, then the campus police will make you leave, and we do not want that to happen. This is not a booze party, or a sex party. Men are strictly forbidden upstairs, and no drinking alcohol. If you act like gentlemen, you will be treated like gentlemen. That's all I have to say, so enjoy yourself."

Paul was next as he echoed what Lydia had said. Then he introduced me to the entire fraternity as his fiancá¨e, and that as soon as we could, we were getting married. He told them he didn't want them bringing shame on the fraternity by refusing to obey the rules of Gamma Delta Phi, because we were after all, guests in their house. He said thank you, and we went on with the party. Somebody put on the music, and Paul took me in his arms, and we danced, slowly...very slowly.

It's funny though, that while we were dancing what pain I did have, didn't seem to bother me. We kept dancing, and sat out a few songs, and got something to eat, and then we danced some more. By the time that the evening was over, and all the frat brothers had left, I was thoroughly exhausted. I kissed Paul good night and went to my room to get ready for bed. I took my rose scented body wash, my shampoo and the conditioner, my toothpaste and tooth brush, and went to take my shower. I enjoyed this shower immensely because it is a lot better than a sponge bath. After the shower, I put on my nightgown and slippers, and went to get in to bed. Lily came in and said she was surprised that the frat guys had behaved themselves.

"You know something, Lily? I think Paul may have already told them that they needed to otherwise they would bring dishonor to both houses. Guys can be endearing at times. So, I'm really happy that everyone here is my friend. It means so much to me." The tears started flowing again.

She came over and gave me a sisterly hug, and held me until I stopped crying. Then she looked me in the eye, and told me we can never have too many friends. I laid my on my pillow and was fast asleep. I woke up during the night in pain. I got my pain pills and took one. Lily woke up and asked if everything was all right.

"I'm just having some pain, Lily. It will be all right though."

"All right, but remember if you have any problems during the night, just wake me up, and I will help you."

"Thank you, Lily. But these pain pills work very good. I may miss class tomorrow. If I am not up by the time you are, will you bring my assignments? You know what classes I'm in."

"Why yes, Jean, I would be delighted to bring your assignments to you. Now girlfriend, you just rest, and I will talk to your professors, and I am sure they will come over and help you. Jean, you have been through a lot to be who you are, and I for one am very happy to call you my friend, not just my roomy." She got out of her bed, and came over and kissed me on the forehead, and a nice sisterly hug. "Now, I want you to know, that until you are completely healed, you can count on me, as well as the others to help you.

"I have been waiting for you to get back, so I could tell you something. I have asked to be in the four classes that you are in. It is just a good thing you aren't taking remedial courses. That is a lot of work to go through. So, we are classmates as well as roommates and friends. So getting your assignments isn't going to be too difficult. I Think Dr. McClellan wanted to be here tonight, but she had other things she had to take care of. So just remember, everyone here is looking out for you, so if you have to miss class, then we will make sure that we, well I, will bring your assignments. Anyway, I will talk to Dr. McClellan and see if she can't come over to see you. So just rest, and don't worry about getting up for class, because I know these pain pills will keep you drowsy for quite a while. Good night, Jean."

"Good night, Lily, and thanks a lot for everything."

"You are more than welcome. I'm just glad to help. And good night, sweet dreams. Just remember that if you need my help, wake me up."

"I will, good night, Lily, sweet dreams to you too." I laid back down, and I was asleep in no time. But I kept waking up here and there during the night. I didn't want to wake Lily up, because I could actually use the toilet by myself. This is going to be different. Anyway, I felt excruciating pain when I wiped myself. I almost blacked out, and guess who should come in the bathroom...Lily."

"Girl, you need a good horse whipping, and as soon I find a horse you are in deep trouble. What's the idea of coming in here alone? I told you I would help, and I mean that. Let me help you."

"All right, Lily, I promise to let you help me. It's just that I thought I could use the toilet by myself. I didn't want to disturb anybody."

"Disturb, girlfriend, disturb. We are all here to help you, even if it means helping you wipe yourself when you are finished. Remember girlfriend, you have made quite a lot of friends because of the way you are. And now that you are physically female, you are going to make more friends as time goes by."

"I hope so, Lily. I have one more phase maybe two more phases to go yet, then I will be complete. I just can't wait until I don't need these stupid vaginal stents anymore. But I have to use them until the vaginal canal is completely healed."

"All the more reason to let us help you. I am your friend and roomy, and I want you to know that I am here to help, so please girlfriend, disturb me so I can help."

"All right, Lily, I will. I promise. I'm a little wobbly on my feet yet. Will you please help me to our room?"

"I thought you'd never ask."

Lily helped me to the bedroom, by holding onto my arm. When we got in the room, she kept holding onto my arm, until I sat down on the bed. She said good night, and sweet dreams again, and I said the same, and I laid back down. There was a soft knock on the door, and Lily and I said to come in.

"I heard noises in here, so I thought I had better check and see if everything is all right."

"Mother! I thought you were going home."

"No dear, I'm going to be here during the night. I want to be close to you."

"I have already promised Lily that I would ask her to help, if I needed it. Like tonight I felt a very sharp pain when I was wiping myself. I don't know if I screamed or not, but I almost blacked out. That's when Lily came in the bathroom, and gave me lecture five thousand and one. Mother, I am going to sleep a lot easier knowing that you are here."

"Well, Lily can help you if that is what you promised. But, I am just two doors from the bathroom, and Lily don't hesitate to come and get me, if you need help."

"All right Mrs. McMillan, if I need help with Jean, I will come and get you. Jean, you did scream out in pain, and if you don't remember that, you did black out momentarily. But I was there, so you didn't fall or anything. Your mother is serious, Jean, and if I need her help, I am going to go and get her."

"Yes, I know, Lily. Mother thank you for being here for me."

"Oh hush now, and go back to sleep. I know that you won't be awake for class in the morning."

"I asked Lily to bring me my assignments, because I know I won't be able to go to class tomorrow. Lily, would you ask Dr. McClellan to come over for a bit, if she can?"

"Yes Jean, I certainly will. Now, like your mother said, go back to sleep. I'm right here, and so is your mother." She gave me a sisterly hug, and the last thing I saw, was that she was sitting on my bed.

When I woke up, I was the only one in the room, and I had to use the toilet again. I went to see if mother was still here, but she had gone to work. Annette, who just came out of her room, looked quite concerned at me, and asked if I needed help.

"Yes, Annie, I need to use the toilet, and I need a little help because I am very wobbly on my feet."

"Ok Jean, no problem. Come on, I'll help."

Annette was taking nursing courses to be an RN, and she was a sophomore. She is a little taller than me, by maybe a whole inch, and she has sun yellow blonde hair, and wide sky blue eyes. She walks with fluid motions, and she uses her hands quite a bit when she is talking. When I was finished, she helped me back to my room. She covered me up, and I was soon asleep.

I don't know what happened after that, but when I woke up, I had this urge to go again. It was lunch time by then, and mother was sitting in the chair by my desk. When I opened my eyes, I said hello mother, and she asked me how I felt.

"I feel like I need to use the toilet again." She kind of did an inside giggle, and came over and helped me. I needed another pain pill, but that could wait until I was finished. When we got back to my room, mother told me I needed to get dressed, because we were going for a walk outside. She reminded me I needed to walk more and more, each day. This helped in the healing too, she said.

We walked over to the psych building, and knocked on Dr. McClellan's office door. She said to come in, and we sat down in her chairs facing her.

"Jean, you have come a long way, and I am very proud of you. Now, I talked with Bobbie yesterday, and I asked her if she needed any help with you, during your recovery period. She said that she did need some help, because she couldn't be here all the time, because of her office visits and hospital rounds. So I will be helping her. I was asked to do most of the checkups, and fax her how well you are getting along. So I will be over like maybe two or three times a week. Does that sound all right with you, Jean?"

"Yes Cyndi, it's all right with me. I still feel very weak though. But I guess we have to learn to crawl before we can walk."

"A very good way to put it. Yes Jean, you will have to crawl until you get your woman legs underneath you. It is going to be different now that you have had the srs. Your whole center of gravity will be different, and you will find that after you heal, you will walk and sit slightly different than before you had the surgeries. Anyway I am here to help, as I am sure your mother is. Do you have anyone at the house to help?"

"Yes. My roommate Lily will help. She will bring my assignments to me on days I can't make class. Mother is there to help too, and so is the whole house, if I need it."

"Well that's good then. You have plenty of help."

"It's just that I can't help but think I'm being a burden to everyone." I looked down at the floor, and started fidgeting with the hem of my skirt.

"Oh no, Jean!!! Don't ever think that, all right. Honey, if we didn't want to help, you would have never pledged our house, and you certainly would not have had your surgery this soon. But we want to help you, Jean, because you came to us, and made us take a real close look at ourselves. We like to think that we are the sorority that makes a difference in the world, because of how scattered our alumni is. But Jean, we aren't only a one house, one campus sorority. We have houses all over. When you came to us, we really had to rethink our whole reason for being the sorority that we are.

"Are we here to help those that need it, or are we here for our own self importance? When you came here wanting to pledge, we looked at that and several other things too. You were a young lady in need of our help, and we were here to provide it. So you are not a burden to anyone here, and we are more than happy to help you in your life's journey to be the woman you are. You have four very wonderful years here with us, and we are going to prove to you that we are a family, and not just a bunch of women living in the same house.

"Jean, if there is no one around that you can talk to, don't hesitate to come and talk to me. That is what sisters are for. You will find out as you go along, that the reason we pledged this sorority, is because we care, and we want to make a difference. This is our choice, so please, if there is anything you need to talk about, you have sisters all around you, even me. Did you notice that most of the varsity cheerleaders live at Gamma Delta? Do you know why? Because they want to make a difference. I have had several of them come to me and tell me how you were getting along. Even when they gave you the silent treatment, you told Lydia about it. You didn't get angry and violent like a guy would, but kept it to yourself until you told someone.

"We looked at everything you did, and that is why you and the other two pledges were made full sisters, one week early. And stop fidgeting with your skirt." She giggled a bit, then continued. "I will be coming over to the house for the next week, and I will bring tape recordings of our lectures, and what the other students asked, and my answers to those questions. This way you won't miss the lecture either."

"All right, Cyndi, I'll make sure if there is nobody else, and even if there is, I will talk to you too."

"Good girl. Now, I have classes this afternoon, so just go back to the house, and I will see you tonight."

We had a group hug, and mother and I walked back to the Gamma Delta house. This was a good walk, but now I was feeling like my insides were on fire. I told mother I needed a pain pill as soon as I got to my room. After getting into my nightgown, and taking the pill, I laid back down. Mother was telling me that I did good today, and that tomorrow...I didn't hear the rest of it because I was sound asleep.

Kendra woke me up and told me that dinner was being made, and if I could make it, I should go down to the dining room. I got out of bed, and told Kendra I needed a shower, but I was still too sore to do it by myself. I asked her to help me, and she said she would. She grabbed my shower caddy, a towel, my back sponge, and we went to the bathroom. Kendra turned on the shower and got it just right, and I used my perfumed soap I saved for going out with Paul.

After I was finished, I went to my room to get dressed. There was a very nice dress laying at the foot of my bed. Lily wasn't in the room, and I looked at Kendra, who just shrugged her shoulders. The dress was a cream color, and had a scoop neckline, and came to just slightly above my knees. It had lace around the hem and sleeves, and when Kendra zipped it up, it fit perfectly. After I was dressed, I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked like death warmed over twice, so I took out my makeup and applied it. After I was finished, I looked at myself in the mirror, and I still looked raw, but I would pass.

Kendra and I went down to the dining room, just as Lily and Sharon brought out the food. They had made roast beef, with scalloped potatoes, green beans, and bread and butter. There was the usual coffee, tea, milk, and juice. When grace was said, we all sat down, and I was asked by Kerry, another cheerleader, how was my hospital visit. I said boring and everyone laughed. For dessert we had apple crumb cake.

During dinner though, the conversation was about what I had accomplished in such a short time, and what did I envision for my plans after graduation. I told everybody that I had hoped to be a psychotherapist so that I could help others like myself who were confused, or didn't have enough confidence to be who they really are. I told them that there were a lot of transgendered that were still in the proverbial closet, and they needed someone like me to bring them out. Everybody was sincere when they said it didn't look like I was ever in the closet. I told them that there are some like me who have the necessary confidence to be oursleves, regardless of who says different. But there are others that don't have that confidence and that is where a psychotherapist comes in.

I did tell them too, that I am only a freshman now, and that in the next four years I would be formulating my therapy blueprint, and that is what I would follow when I was dealing with someone like me. Of course, I did tell them that I would see other clients who weren't transgendered as well. Before we knew it, somebody had said we had been talking for about three hours. I didn't realize that time could go by so quickly. A lot of the girls had studies to do, and it was going to be a late night for some. I asked Kendra to walk back to my room with me, and make sure I was laying down before she left, and she said okay.

It was ten thirty when I laid down, and it was three in the morning when I woke up. I took another pill, and woke Lily up and asked her to help me to the bathroom. I was feeling a little drowsy still from the pill I took after dinner, but if I was going to go back to sleep, I needed another one so the pain didn't bother me. Lily looked like she was about ready to drop over, but because of the lecture she gave me before, I think she would help even if she was sleepwalking. Lily and I got back to the room, and she made sure I was under the covers before she went and laid back down.

When I woke up I noticed that there was a brown manila envelope on my desk. I opened it up and there was a tape inside with a note.

"Jean, here is the tape of yesterday's lecture. I couldn't get it to you, so I had your mother drop it off. If you have any questions my extension is in your student handbook, in the back. The lessons you are to study is chapters 4, 5, and 6. I will bring today's lecture over about 6:30 tonight. Cyndi."

I put the tape in my recorder, and listened to the lecture. She did another faux interview thing, and I could hear what was going on. This time, it was about how to handle a client that starts asking the therapist questions, and questions his or her credentials to be a therapist.

I started yawning, so I turned off the recorder, and laid back down. In no time I was alseep again. I had another dream about Paul and I at a nice dance where we wore fancy clothes. He was wearing a tux and I was in my peach semi formal. We danced to every selection the band played, and then just when he was going to kiss me, mother nature woke me up. Oh I hate that! I went to the bathroom and did whatever, and went back to bed, but this time I didn't dream.

I woke up the next morning, and felt very wide awake. Lily was getting ready for class, and I had yet to take my shower. I went to knock on mother's door, but she was already gone to work. I went back to my room, and got my shower caddy, and went to take my shower. I had a little pain, but it wasn't bad. I guess I'll have this pain until everything is healed. After my shower, I went back to my room and got out my clothes. I decided that today I was going to try and go to class. I dressed in white under things, red skirt and black blouse combo. I got out a pair of tan stay up thigh highs, and my black pumps. I looked in the mirror and everything was in order. I grabbed my carry all, and headed out to class.

"And just where do you think you are going, missy?"

"Ken! Uhm, I was going to go to class."

"Then let me help you with that carry all. When the doctor says everything is healed, then you can be superwoman, not until."

"Oh, all right."

She took the carry all downstairs for me, and walked me to the psych building. When I walked in the classroom, I got a welcome back from everybody. Dr. Hinckle looked surprised, and asked me if I felt up to a day of classes. I told him that I was, and he started his lecture. During his lecture, he was constantly looking at me, probably to see if I needed to go back to Gamma Delta. But, I finished the class, and then he picked up the phone on his desk and talked to someone.

When I got to Cyndi's class, I was told that she just talked to Dr. Hinckle, and said he was worried about me coming back so soon. I told her that I was feeling fine, and it was about time I got out of bed, and did something. She smiled knowingly, and told me welcome back.

The next three months, I was in and out of pain, but the pain seemed to be less and less. I went to see Bobbie, who told me that everything was healed, but I was to use the stents at night. I was also told that I didn't need any more surgeries, because from what she saw, everything was the way it should be. I was very happy that I was all healed, and that I wouldn't need any more surgeries. So I guess now, I can get on with my life. Not only was I a late bloomer in development, but in becoming the girl I always was. But I am here now, and look out world, there is a new girl in town. Me.

Chapter XVI - Coming To Terms

It was almost Christmas, and I had gotten the best present any girl could have. I had friends, an understanding and accepting mother, and was a part of a worldwide sisterhood that was more of a family, than anything else. Having had all of my dreams completed in less than four months had to be some kind of record. I wasn't taking remedial courses at school, because my test scores were so high that I didn't need them, so my classes were elective. I was happy with the schedule I had, because it allowed me to study, and do research on my chosen profession. Dr. McClellan, who insisted I call her Cyndi, was not only a PhD, but was also an MD. She did most of the after care when I came home from the hospital, and she was a psychiatrist.

I was always asking her questions about the psychiatric world, and she was providing answers. She also held group therapy, and had asked me to sit in on a few of her sessions. The first session was filled with tensions and uncertainties, because I was there, and a lot of the group didn't open up right away. One girl that was in the group, was very silent after I was introduced, so I broke the ice. I asked Dr. McClellan if I could ask a question of one of the group, and she gave me the okay.

"Claudia, do you feel like you have been betrayed because I am here?"

"Kinda."

"Well, just so you know, that when I graduate, I am going to be a therapist. So whatever you, or any of you say in this group, is strictly professional."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes Claudia, I am very sure," I answered with a genuine smile.

"Then would you tell us how you feel, now that you are female?"

"I would love to, Claudia. But first let me give you a little background." I told them of my need to be female ever since I could remember, and that when I had heard that my mother not only went to this same college, but was a past president of one of the sororities, I had always dreamed of pledging that sorority. I told her how my needs and dreams were all fulfilled, and that now I can get on with my life, as a complete person.

"Miss McMillan, would you say that your life was like in the garbage bin, before your needs and dreams were completed?"

"Well, kinda sorta Claudia, and you may call me Jean. I was sad a lot, and I kept my distance. I was afraid that the closest I would ever get to my mother's sorority, was sitting on the bench across the walk from the house. Then one of the sorority sisters came out and talked to me. I was invited to the open house, and the rest is history. Or is that herstory?"

There were giggles and laughter from the group, and then I knew that although they may not trust me yet, the mood in the group was lighter. I had managed to make the group laugh, and that in any group therapy session is definitely a good thing.

After the forty-five minutes were up, Dr. McClellan told everybody that this was a very good session, and she was proud of everybody, including me, for making the mood of the group, who were usually stiff, and holding things back still, a little bit lighter. The group left, and Dr. McClellan stayed behind a while longer. Then we went into her office.

"Jean, you are going to be a wonderful therapist. That little ad-lib you did, made the group see that you aren't a three headed monster. Now young lady, how would like to go out to have lunch? I will call your mother to see if she is free. Then we can go out to a nice place to eat."

"I would like that. Uhm, Dr. uhm sorry, Cyndi do you think I could continue to sit in on these sessions. I learned that group therapy isn't only for the clients, but is very therapeutic for the therapist too. I was thinking that maybe I could sit in as your intern, and learn the ropes from you and the group. Besides, the more they know about me, the more they are apt to open up with me around."

"Girl!!! You never cease to amaze me. By all means, you sit in on the sessions, and I will take you under my wing, so to speak. I have to clear it through the department head first though, because you wouldn't be in the field until your junior year. But since this is an on campus group, I don't see any reason that you can't start getting in on the ground floor now. Jean, I have always held respect for you for the things you do, and how you act, and today was no exception. I was very proud of the way you handled yourself with Claudia. So, what say we call your mother, and go to lunch?"

"All right, I'm kind of hungry anyway."

Claudia Stroebel was a fine arts major, and she wanted to be a children's book illustrator. Her favorite books were by Dr. Seuss, and J. K. Rowling. She had every Harry Potter book, and dvd. She was kind of mousy in her outward attitude, and dressed like she was from the seventies. Her wide sky blue eyes were the most promising thing about her. I had asked Dr. McClellan about her, and I was told that Claudia was very shy.

We stopped by mother's office, and picked her up. Cyndi drove us to Daley's. It was on the other side of town, and they served very good breakfasts, lunches, and dinners. They had very good chocolate mousse here too.

Cyndi had to park almost to the other end of the parking lot, so we walked to the restaurant. We went in and were greeted by the hostess. She seated us in the non-smoking area, and a waitress came up with water glasses right away. I knew what I wanted so I gave her my order. Cyndi and mother ordered soup and salad, and we all had tea.

We talked while we ate, and Cyndi told mother how she was proud of me when I sat in as a novice therapist in her group. She explained about Claudia, but didn't mention her by name, and how I handled myself. She also told mother that she is going to have me sit in on all of her sessions with the group, after she cleared it with the department head. Lily's words came back to me, when she told me that it seemed that I had my priorities in order, and that anything I set out to do, I could accomplish without much trouble.

I reflected on how lucky I had been so far. In just two short months, I had completed becoming female and pledging and becoming a full sister of my mother's house. Everybody was there for me, and had become my friends. Whenever I needed something, my friends, my mother, and my professors were there to help. Even if all I needed was to talk. I was still coming to terms with my post surgery life. I know that I really had nothing to worry about, but, it is still something that creeps into our minds, because now we see things in a different light.

Men are holding doors open for me, giving me their seats, and smiling at me, as I walk by or come into a room. I realize this isn't a new experience for me, because men were doing this before my surgeries were completed. But now, I am outwardly female, and I am seeing this service, if you will, as condescending to all women. Of course there are a lot of women who like this kind of thing, but for me, I now found it insulting. But of course, I wouldn't find it insulting if Paul were do anything like this. Is this a double standard? I had to think about that. A lot of things were swimming around in the sea that is my mind. I looked at mother and Cyndi, and I needed to say something.

"Excuse me. I need to talk."

"What is it sweetie?"

"I know that I have had everything I ever wished for, or needed, done, but I'm still a little, either confused, or a feminist." They giggled. "I mean, even before my operation, and becoming a full sister of Gamma Delta Phi, guys were opening doors for me, and getting up to let me sit down. But it seems that all of that is very condescending, except when Paul does it. Is that a double standard?"

"Well dear, that depends on who it is. There are some men who do do it because they want to have sex with a woman for the night, or, want to get to know us as a girlfriend, or want to marry us. There are women, like you, who feel that this is just an act by most men, just to have sex for the night, and in that instance, dear, it is very condescending. And no, it isn't a double standard when Paul does it, because he does these things because he has manners and he loves you. It has only been a few weeks since you have been completely healed, and you are starting to think about things that are on a lot of women's minds. It means that you are growing up, dear."

"Thank you mother. But, I still think it is going to take some time for me to get used to all of this. I mean before my surgery, I ate up being waited on, having men do things for me, and now, I don't know."

"Dear, you are my daughter. You have accomplished quite a bit in the last two months. I am very proud of you, and having you tell me you need to talk, shows how responsible you really are. What I mean is, you didn't go off and sulk about this and keep it to yourself. You always know that I am here for you, as well as the other sisters of Gamma Delta Phi.

"I know mother, but I have a lot more to think about now. I know where I am going with my profession, but kind of unsure where I am going in my life."

"Jean, you have the uncanny ability to work under stress. For what you have been through, there is no more stress that you can't deal with. The stress of pledging Gamma Delta Phi isn't there any more because now you are a full sister. The stress of becoming a woman physically is all behind you now. So whatever it is that can or will stress you, I have every confidence that you will handle it well. Jean, I love you like a sister, and when you first came into my class I had no idea about your dreams and need to be female. But when you came in dressed as the woman you are, I was in awe that you looked so beautiful, and carried yourself well. Everybody in the class accepted you right away. I am very proud to call you sister, Jean. If you handle all your clients like you did in group today, then you are going to go far. Not only as a therapist, but also as a woman." Just then, Paul showed up.

"Good afternoon ladies. May I join you?"

"Why yes, Paul, you may," Cyndi told him with her infectious smile. He sat next to me.

"How's my darling princess?" He said pulling me close to him for a kiss. We kissed for what seemed an eternity. Then Cyndi interrupted us.

"Come up for air you two. So Paul, what made you come here? We didn't tell anybody we were coming here."

"I come here sometimes for lunch, and even dinner. When I saw you as I walked in, I told the hostess that I saw you, and she let me come in. I'm glad you're here though, because I can be with my fiancá¨e."

"Well, I for one am glad you came, Paul. That way I can ride back to campus with you, and mom and Cyndi can go without bothering to drop me off."

"Would that be all right, Mrs. McMillan?"

"Yes Paul, you two go and see a movie or something. Cyndi can drive me back to my office, and Cyndi can go and flunk a few students." We all giggled, and Paul kind of laughed under his breath.

"Thank you mother, thank you Cyndi for everything. I guess I'll be able to work out anything that comes along, including Paul." This time only we girls giggled, poor Paul looked kind of lost.

I was now physically female, I had a lot of friends, an understanding and accepting mother, and a very handsome and caring fiancá¨. But I still had things to work out though. I still had to think these things through. I know everybody says that I am so brave in going through all of this. But, am I?

Being brave means a lot of different things to a lot of different people. I can be brave, and still have my doubts; a soldier can be brave, and still be as dumb as they come; a child can be brave and not even know it. So what does brave really mean, where it concerns me?

I have put everything into being this physical girl that I am inside, and I also put a lot into pledging my mother's house. But was that bravery, or just plain being stubborn? And is there a difference?

I completed what I had to do, and now my journey is just beginning. I have a lot to think about, a lot to do. Paul and I are getting married, and I have to blueprint how I am going to get everything done for the wedding. All of the girls in the sorority are going to be the bridesmaids, except for Kendra, who is going to be the maid of honor. There was a lot to do, and I told Paul that I didn't want to see a movie, but I just wanted to talk.

We found a quiet place to park, and I looked at Paul, and told him what I had asked mother and Cyndi. I also said too, that I was very confused right now, because I had to start learning to act like the female I am physically. After my surgery I felt really different, because I no longer had that stupid birth defect, and when I walked I had that involuntary swivel to my hips, and when I sat down, my body sort of twisted into the seat. When I talked I used a lot of phrases like, "so cool", and "whatever girlfriend". Phrases I would never use before my surgery. I was also told that as my female hormones take over my body, there were male memories that would fade into my subconscious, letting me think completely like a real female. Well, I was a real female, I just needed my birth defected body corrected. That was done. Now I can actually get on with my life, but I still needed to take the baby steps all girls take when they are very young, ending in their womanhood.

"Well princess, all I can say is, you go ahead and take those baby steps. When you are ready for the wedding, you just let me know. Until then, we can still go out on dates, go up to the point and make out, and save the sex part for our wedding night. Princess, I am in no hurry to have sex with you until it is the proper moment. I love you, and I will not do anything to harm you, or make you look like anything other than the princess that you are to me."

I flung myself at him as much as possible in the car, and I kissed him firmly on his lips. He put his hands around my waist and pulled me closer. After that first kiss, I was out of breath, but he pulled me close again, and kissed me. We stopped kissing, and I had to catch my breath again.

"Thank you, Paul. That was uhm, very exhilirating. Phew! I have to catch my breath after that."

He moved over in his seat towards me, and took my in his arms again. He looked in my eyes for what seemed like an eternity, but was only a split second, and then he kissed me again. I melted into his arms, and he took his free hand and started sliding his free hand up and down my leg. I was getting turned on by this, so I forcefully pulled away.

"Paul, I..."

He put his left forefinger to my lips and said, "shhhh, I just wanted you to see what a real woman you really are. I wasn't going to do anything, but when a woman pulls away from a man like that, it means she is getting turned on, but doesn't want to go any further. You just proved to me, that you are one hundred per cent female. Every time we do something like this, you always show me how much of a woman you really are. That is why I am so proud to be your fiancá¨, because you complete me as the man I am, out with the most beautiful woman in the entire world."

I blushed at what he said. "Oh Paul, I bet you say that to all the girls."

"No, only you. You are the only girl I want in my life, except of course my mother, sister, aunts, and grandmother. And now I will have your mother, aunts, and grandmother to spoil too." I giggled, and told him he was my knight in shining armor. It is amazing how Paul can bring me out of any slump I happen to be in. I know that I am marrying a very good man who has the welfare of others in his heart before himself. With my birth certificate now saying I am female, and always was, I am free to marry Paul without any problems. When Bobbie gave mother her letter to send to the state where I was born, and have the birth certificate corrected, we got a letter with it that said they were sorry for the inconvenience. I guess the inconvenience was a little typo mistake that needed correcting. Now according to the state where I was born, I am female.

Paul took me back to campus, and walked me to Gamma Delta Phi. He waited until I closed the door behind me, as I blew him a kiss. I watched him walk toward his frat house, and then I went upstairs. Lily was lying on her bed when I came in the room.

"Well, where were you all afternoon...huh?"

I giggled, then I told her about how Dr. McClellan took my mother and I to a restaurant, and Paul happened to come to the same restaurant, and we let him sit by us, and that after we were through we went to park up on the ridge. I told her what I said to him, and how he said he loved me, and then I wasn't sad anymore, but was actually laughing."

"Yes, but what I want to know is what did you do while you were kissing."

"Nothing. Paul said he wanted me to get turned on to prove to myself how much of a woman I really am. When he was sliding his hand down my leg lightly, I felt electric tingles through my whole body. I had to push him away because I wasn't ready for any sex. Not yet."

"Well I can understand that. You know, you have the best stud on campus. Right?"

"I think so, but there may other girls who think they have the best stud on campus. When I am talking to other girls, I kind of leave that subject alone, and if they ask me, I just tell them that to me, he is. That seems to make it a personal thing on my part, and it doesn't go any further."

"I see what you mean. But I still think you have the best stud on campus."

"Oh you," I said giggling and threw my pillow at her.

I got undressed, and into my robe and slippers. I grabbed my burgundy baby doll set, and my bath caddy, and went to take a nice bubble bath. Just as I got to the bathroom door, Colleen was coming out.

"Hi Jean. How is everything going?"

"It's going great."

"That's good to hear. You do know that if you ever need to talk, any one of us is available."

"Thank you Colleen." We hugged, and I went in to take my bath.

I started the bath water, and put in my rose scented bubble bath, and brushed my teeth. When I was finished, the tub was filled, so I turned off the water, and put my robe and slippers by the towel cabinet. I got in the tub and lowered myself slowly. As I sat in the tub, I thought about what Paul had said to me. I kept repeating his words over and over in my head. What he said made a lot of sense. So I guess that maybe I should start seeing it the way everybody else does, that there is nothing at all to worry about. I squeezed the water over me absent mindedly, while I was thinking. Automatically I washed myself all over, and rinsed the rest of the suds off with the shower head. I got out, and took a very soft terry towel, and patted myself dry. I put lotion and powder on my body, and got into my baby doll set, then my robe and slippers. I put everything back in my bath caddy, and toweled up the water on the floor, and wiped the tub out. I padded off to my room, and set the bath caddy on the dresser. I pulled my covers back, and got in to bed. I was asleep right away.

That night I dreamed I was with Paul, and we were at a nightclub, and we danced to every tune that was played. Because Paul knew I didn't drink alcohol, he ordered a ginger ale for me. I sipped the ginger ale, and we talked, and he said the same words to me, that he said when we were parked on the ridge.

As I laid there listening to the words Paul was saying to me, I heard a far off buzzing. The buzzing got louder and louder, and then I was awake. I looked around, and Lily was just getting out of bed too.

"You know girlfriend, you were in a trance last night when you came back from the bathroom. I said hi but you just set your bath caddy down, and crawled in to bed. I was really worried about you. What were you thinking so deeply about?"

"I was thinking about what Paul and I talked about last night. I'm trying to come to terms with my being female now."

"Come to terms? Girl, you already have come to terms. You know, more than anyone else, who you are, and you went after it to make who you are a reality. We all respect you for that, and we love you like our sister. Jean, your womanhood was always there, and now you are physically female, and a sister here. What kind of terms could you possibly come to?"

"I don't really know. It's as if all of a sudden, I am finding certain things that men do for us degrading and condescending. I don't have those same feelings when Paul does them, though."

"Is that all? Jean, you are growing into your womanhood, like any other teenage girl would do. When we enter our puberty, we have these feelings that we want to jump the first boy we see. But we have to have self control. Our hormones rage unfettered for eighteen plus months. That is why we go through so many changes when we are in our teens. You are a late bloomer, and that is why you are going through these emotions now. Do you often feel like you are carrying the world on your shoulders?"

"Yes, kinda, and I am sad a lot, and always trying to convince myself that there is nothing I can't accomplish, and nothing I can't deal with. I think that the world is watching my every move, and all I want to do is dance like some wild chick who is protesting her existence."

"That's all hormones, dear. We all go through the same emotions, and then when our hormones even out, we settle down. It's like being on an extended high, and then being dropped on our heads with a loud clunk. You're growing into your womanhood, Jean. But it does get better."

"But, why does it take so long?"

She got up from her bed, and gave me a very tight sisterly hug. She held me, as I started crying, and wouldn't let me go until I stopped crying. She ran her hand over my hair, just like mother does. I continued crying for some time, and then all of a sudden, Lily called Dr. McClellan.

"Dr. McClellan will be right over. She said her class could wait for a bit."

While I was still being held by Lily, Cyndi came in our room. "What is going on here? Jean, are you all right?"

"She's upset about what she's going through with her hormones."

Cyndi came over and held me, while telling Lily to get ready for class. "Jean? Honey? What's wrong?" I just cried on her shoulder, and she held me with a tenderness I have only felt from my mother. "Come now, tell aunt Cyndi what is bothering you."

"I don't know, really. I started thinking about everything. What I told you and mother at the restaurant. The talk I had with Paul, and well, just everything. It all seems to be so unbearable, that I won't be able to deal with it all."

"All right young lady. I want you back in bed, and I will be right back. I'm going to excuse you from classes, and give you a sedative so you can rest. I will call all your classes and let them know that your not feeling well. So, just lie down, and I will be right back." I laid down, and she left to go get the sedative, which was back at her office. She also had to write a prescription out for it too, so she could justify giving it to me.

When she came back, I was still crying, and she used an alcohol wipe to clean the part of my arm where she was going to give me the shot. After she gave me the shot, she held me in her arms, until the sedative took effect, and I was asleep. I don't remember dreaming anything, and if I did, I forgot what it was about.

I got up about lunch time feeling very rested. It must have been the shot Cyndi gave me. After using the toilet, I padded downstairs to the kitchen, to see what there was for making a salad. I was hungry because I really didn't have any breakfast. I rummaged through the fridge and took out the lettuce, a carrot, a length of celery, a cucumber, and I went to the cupboard and looked for some walnuts. I only found cashews, but they had Jenny's name on them. I left them alone, and made my salad with what I had. After pouring a little fat free dressing over it, I sat at the table and ate. I was thinking about what had happened this morning, and could not understand for the life of me, why I had been so upset.

"There you are. How are you feeling?"

"I'm better, Cyndi. I just woke up about twenty minutes ago. I'm still a little groggy, but I feel really rested. Cyndi, why do I get upset like that? I mean, I have never cried so much in my entire life, than I have the past few months. Why is that?"

"Well it's all hormones, dear. Before you started your transition for real, you didn't have the female hormones in your body yet. You had feelings you were female, but it has only been since you have been on the hormones, that your womanly emotions have been coming out. In another year, your hormones should even out, and you won't be so emotional all the time, like you are now. We women are emotional creatures anyway, but you will be able to control some of them. Jean, I came by to see how you were doing, and I can see you're just fine. After you eat, I want you to get dressed, and then I will call your mother, and maybe we can do a little retail therapy. How does that sound?"

"That sounds good, Cyndi. I just love going shopping."

"Do you know there is another dance coming up, shortly? I think you need a new party dress for it too. So, what say we go and look for a nice, feminine party dress to impress Paul with? But you can't let him see it, until the night of the dance."

One thing I liked about Gamma Delta Phi is, they were always having one festive thing after another. The money we got from the ticket sales, went to get us things for the house, or to fix the house up a little, here and there. Cyndi was talking about the mid-term cotillion, something like a prom, only a little more formal. She was right though, I would need a new party dress for this dance. Something that said, 'look at me Paul, I'm a woman.' I finished eating my salad, and washed my dishes, and cleaned up where I had made the salad.

"Cyndi, I am going to take a nice bubble bath, and then get dressed. It should take me about an hour, maybe two or even three." We both giggled, and she gave me a sisterly hug.

I went to get my clothes out that I would wear, and then after laying them on the bed, and my shoes on the floor, I went to run my bath. I took my bath caddy with me, and decided I wanted to smell like roses today. I put in a cap full of rose scented bubble bath, and got out of my nightgown and robe. The slippers I put by the sink, and I stood there looking at my reflection in the full length mirror.

I looked at me standing there, and then looked at myself from the side. Well, my breasts were growing, but still kinda small. A "B" cup now, and maybe by next year they would be a full "C". My mother had "C" breasts, and they say that I will be one size smaller. Not if I can help it. I got into the tub and slowly lowered myself down. I sat there sponging the sudsy water over me, like a cascading waterfall. Then, I dipped down in the tub to get my hair wet, and used my rose scented shampoo. I washed my hair twice and conditioned it twice, so it would be silky soft. I washed all over, and pulled the plug. I rinsed off the errant suds with the shower head, and stepped out to dry off. I patted my self dry, and then went to my room, to get dressed.

I had taken out my light rose colored dress, my rose colored bra and panty set, my rose cami, and my rose half slip. I went to my dresser and got out a nice pair of tan, stay up thigh high stockings, and sat down to roll them up my legs. After I was completely dressed, I took the towel off of my hair, and dried it a little more, then I took my curling iron, and gave myself a simple set.

After making sure I was decent, I grabbed my coat and purse, and went down to meet Cyndi. As I got to the living room, mother was sitting there talking. When they saw me, they were really surprised I would be dressed like I was. That was because the temperature outside was in the teens, and it was very, very cold.

"Jean, you're going to freeze dressed like that," mother said incredulously.

"Mother, I am only going from the house to the car, and from the car to the store. I am not planning on standing outside for too long."

"Still, the temperature is sixteen degrees. That's enough to give your legs frost bite."

"Oh mother, don't exaggerate. The faculty parking lot isn't that far from here, and once in the car, I will be able to warm up. And I mean, it isn't exactly like you haven't worn skirt sets or dresses in this weather."

"Well I guess it's all right. I just don't want you to come down with pneumonia."

"I'll be fine, mother. Anyway, I am ready to go if you are."

Cyndi and mother put their coats on, and we all walked to the faculty parking lot. Now I know I said that it wasn't far, but let me give you an idea how far it actually is. Between the house, and the faculty parking lot, is the school of dentistry building. Then there is about maybe, a whole five feet beyond that, where the faculty parking lot is. Cyndi's space was in the middle of the third row. When we got to the car, and we were all inside, Cyndi let the car warm up. I was sitting in the back behind mother, and when I felt the heat on my legs, I knew I was going to be all right. Cyndi then backed out of her space, and we headed for town.

Cyndi found a parking space half way down the aisle from the food court door. So we walked in the mall and ordered hot drinks righ away to warm us up. We all agreed on hot cocoa, and we sat down to formulate a plan for shopping. I love it when men think all we do is just go in the store and absent mindedly pick out this or that. Cyndi said she wanted to get me a party dress for the cotillion which is being held at the arena. Everybody and their families will be there, so Cyndi wanted me to look my best. Since it was only two fifteen, we had plenty of time to look around, and make a selection. I think. Well anyway, we had a start. We went in to boutique after boutique, and we saw some very pretty dresses, but nothing screamed out at me, so we just kept looking. After about five hours of looking everywhere we could think of, Cyndi had another idea. We went to one of Cyndi's friend's boutique on the edge of town.

This boutique was founded, Cyndi told us, right after her graduating class. It was owned by a dear friend of Cyndi's who was also a Gamma Delta. She asked mother if she remembered Margie.

"Oh! Of course I remember Margie. She was my opposition for president of the chapter. I haven't seen her since college. Is this what she has been doing since?"

"Yes Jeannie, she is doing very well too, because she only sells the best for the least cost available." When we got to the boutique, Cyndi found a place half way down the parking lot from the door. We walked the little ways, and the door opened.

"Jeannie!!!" The woman about my mother's age screamed in delight. She had fiery red hair, and a sparkle in her Irish green eyes. She gave mother a big hug, and Cyndi too. "Cyndi, wow, this is a surprise. And who is this young lady?"

"Margie, this is my daughter, Jean. She is a Gamma Delta too."

"I have been dying to meet you Jean. The newsletter doesn't do you justice. You are far prettier than it says you are. How do you like Gamma Delta?"

"It's wonderful. Everybody is such a big help, and I never knew that there was so much to being a Gamma Delta."

"Well, I am glad that you are happy in our little sisterhood. What brings you all here?"

"We came to get Jean a dress for the cotillion. Something very pretty to show off her obvious feminine charms."

"Well you came to the right place. Let's see what we have."

We went through racks and racks of dresses, and every one of them was pretty too. But it wasn't what I was looking for. I looked in one of the full length mirrors, and a vision of the kind of dress I wanted, popped into my head.

"I'm really looking for something outstanding. Something I can impress my fiancᨠwith. I have four party dresses already, and he has seen every one of them. This one I want to be very special."

"Well, I do have a dress in the back. I think it will look stunning on you. What is your dress size, dear?"

"Size eight."

"You wait right here. I have just the thing for you."

She went in the back of the store, and came out with a very shimmering, blue floor length gown. It had gathered capped sleeves, and a plunge neck line split between the breasts, and when it zipped up in the back, it looked just like one of the seams. The back of the dress only came to my mid back, so it wasn't hard to zip up by myself. Margie told me to try it on, and when I stepped out of the changing booth, I saw all three hold there hands over their mouths to muffle a clear and audible gasp.

"Wait Jean, there is something more you are going to need. Heels. I think with that dress, and your height, I would say about three inch heels will do. That way you or nobody else will step on the hem of the gown." She went to get the shoes.

I looked at myself in the full length mirror outside of the changing booth, and I saw that with the right hairdo, and the right makeup, I would look like a modern day Cleopatra. I was still admiring myself with virtual looks in my mind, and I didn't hear Margie come back.

"Ehem. Here Jean, try these on. They are about the same color as the dress. We call the dress color ocean blue. And you are absolutely stunning in it."

I put on the shoes, and I walked around for a bit. The dress was taffeta silk, and there were beads and little flowers of organza that covered the breasts. It is a beautiful dress, and I was just having the time of my life. The dress had a shelf bra so I wouldn't need a separate one. The cups had a silk lining, and it was heaven to wear. I went back in the changing booth, and called mother in to help me get it off, so I didn't ruin it. I got back in to my bra and dress, and Margie went to put the new dress in a plastic sheath. Cyndi said this was her treat, and she paid Margie, who threw the shoes in for free.

We left the store, promising Margie we would go out to lunch sometime. Being it was around dinner time, and we wouldn't make it back to the house in time, Cyndi said we were going to stop and have dinner at a very nice restaurant. She took us to Denny's. Well, it is a very nice restaurant, even if they do serve breakfast twenty four hours a day. We ordered hot cocoa for our drinks, and we ordered the lite special. It had one slice of roast beef, covered in non-fat gravy, one scoop of mashed potatoes, and a tablespoon of green beans. We talked about the cotillion, and how I will have to fight the guys off, when they see me in that dress.

"Oh Cyndi, I have Paul to impress, and no one else. If I am asked to dance, I will make sure Paul gives me permission, because after all he is my fiancá¨, and we are engaged to be married."

"Yes dear, I know that, but the other guys are going to want to dance with the prettiest girl there. You."

I felt flushed in the face, that told me I was blushing. "Oh Cyndi." We all giggled.

After we had finished eating, we got up to leave, and Cyndi paid the cashier. We went out to the car, and after we were buckled in, Cyndi backed out of the space, and headed for the university. It took us about twenty five minutes to get back to the college, and another five minutes to get in the house. I took my dress up to my room, and put it in my closet. I set the shoes just underneath it, and went back downstairs. We sat in the living room for about another two hours, and then Cyndi and mother said they had to leave.

"Jean, I want you to take tomorrow off of classes too. Sleep in tomorrow. I will call all your classes and let them know you need another day to compose yourself. Did you have fun, today?"

"Yes Cyndi, I really did."

"Good, I will make sure you get your homework brought to you. Lily is your roommate, right."

"Yes."

"All right I will give her your assignments. Good night, dear. Sweet dreams." She gave me a big sisterly hug. Mother said the same thing, but her hug was like a mother's hug, protecting her little one. I am eighteen years old, but today I felt as if I was five again. Sometimes that is a very nice feeling. I told mother I loved her, and I would talk to her tomorrow, and I went up to bed.

Chapter XVII - Jean Has Complications

I was having some kind of dream, about what, I couldn't tell you. But then the sun lit up my room, and I woke up. I looked at my alarm clock and saw that it was eleven o'clock. I guess I was more tired than I had thought. I stretched and yawned, and swung my legs out from the covers. I slipped into my slippers, and grabbed my robe, and my bath caddy. I went to take a shower, because I was still feeling some pain in the lower part of my body. I know it will go away, and I hope it is soon. I went back to my room after my shower, and got dressed. I wanted to be warm because though this was mid November it was still very cold outside.

I went to my closet and took out my coral pantsuit, with matching blazer, and rose shell. I went to my dresser and took out my under things, and stockings. I never wear pantyhose because it is way too inconvenient. I put on my under things, and sat at my desk and turned on my makeup mirror. I put on my black eyeliner, rose eye shadow, and then my makeup. I first put on a light foundation, and then powdered over that. I put my mascara on last. Then I got into my stockings, and my pantsuit. I hadn't select my shoes yet, because I wanted to see myself in the suit first. It looked more like coveralls with shoulder straps. The shell went underneath, and the blazer went over that. I looked at every angle I could, and saw it was perfect. I went to my closet and selected a pair of black, ankle strap pumps, with the two inch heels. After making sure my clothes were straight, I brushed my hair out, and put it in a nice high pony tail. Then I decided I was hungry, so I went down to the kitchen.

I rummaged through the fridge, and found the makings for a nice salad. I rinsed off all of the vegetables, and shredded and cut them up for my salad, and then I looked to see if there was fat free dressing. There was fat free thousand island, french, and Italian. I saw a bottle of vinaigrette, but it belonged to Lydia, so I opted for the Italian. I made a cup of tea, and I sat down to eat my salad, and just as I was taking my second bite, Ken came in.

"I was in your room to see if you were still sleeping. You really slept late today. Are you feeling all right."

"Yes Ken, I have some pain. Bobbie said I was completely healed, but she meant on the outside. I still have healing to do on the inside yet, and will for quite a while. I should take a pain pill before I leave to go shopping. I need something to eat first."

"Where are your pills?"

"In my top dresser drawer on the left hand side."

"All right, you sit here and finish your salad. I'll get your pills for you."

"I can get them as soon as I am finished."

"Listen here sister, you are my responsibility. I will get them, because if you are feeling any pain, you need to take that pill as soon as you can, without going back upstairs."

"Yes, mother."

"Oh stop. Anyway, I'll get them." She left me to finish my salad, and I just sat there and thought.

If this pain lasts for quite a while yet, I am hoping that it doesn't keep me in bed. I want to go shopping today, so I guess I better call mother and tell her that Ken will go with me. I wanted to get the Christmas presents for everybody in the house, mother, Dr. McClellan, Paul, and a very special gift for Ken. Ken got me in here, and I am very grateful, and with her help I will get through this pain. Ken didn't take too long to bring my pain pills down, so I took one with my tea, and then another bite of salad.

"Now we are going to wait about twenty minutes, so the pill has time to work, and you can digest your salad. Then if you want to go shopping, you can. I will go with you."

"I need to call mother too, so she knows about the pain, and that you will go shopping with me."

I took out my phone, and called mother to tell her I still had pain in the vaginal area inside. I guess the inside takes longer to heal than the outside. But that shouldn't stop me from going shopping. It has only been a month and a half since my complete operation, so maybe by Valentine's Day everything will be healed on the inside too. Mother answered her phone after only two rings. That meant she wasn't busy right now.

"Hello, mother? I'm having pain again, and I took a pain pill, but I want to go shopping. I got up at eleven, and had a salad. Ken says we're going to wait twenty minutes, before we leave." Mother asked me if I needed to see Bobbie, and I said that would be a good idea. She said she would be right over, after she called her, then mother said she would be right over to pick me up.

Mother was at the house in ten minutes. I asked Ken to come with me, for a little moral support. I was having pain, and I don't think I should be. Anyway I need to tell Bobbie just what the pain feels like. I didn't hurt this much before, but now it is like I am on fire down there. When we got to Bobbie's office, I didn't even have to wait. She called me in right away.

"Can you tell me on a scale of zero to ten, with ten being the worst pain possible, just what you feel?"

"Well I don't really know. All I know is, that after my shower this morning, I started hurting. I mean, I have been having discomfort, but this is real pain."

"All right, disrobe and put this gown on. Then I want you to lie down on this, and put your feet in these stirrups. I'll just take a look and see why your having this pain."

She used this torture device that looked like Jaws from the movie, and that was even more painful than the pain I had. She looked there with the bright lamp light. After she removed this torture device, she told me to just lie there. She left the room, and was back in a few minutes.

"Put your feet down, Jean. I'm afraid I am going to have to admit you. I have already called for the ambulance. There seems to be a torn muscle right around where the urethra is. Have you been having trouble urinating?"

"Yes, kinda. Every time I go it seems to burn, and when I wipe myself, it is like when I had first had the surgery."

"I'm going to have to go in, and do a few repairs. You will be in the hospital until you are completely healed. Now don't worry about a thing. This time you are a physical female, so we don't have to have Gamma Deltas around you like the last time. The head nurse though, and one other are Gamma Deltas, but if you draw one of the other nurses, they won't see anything they don't have, unless he's a male nurse." I tried to giggle but it was more or less a whine.

The ambulance arrived, and they put me on the gurney and wheeled me out. When I got to the hospital, they took me right to my room. The nurse was right behind us, with a blood pressure cuff, thermometer, and of course the always present stethoscope. "Hi Jean, I'm Charlotte, Char for short, and the PCA is Debbie." She took my blood pressure, pulse, and listened to my chest and lungs, by having me take a few deep breaths. She wrote everything down on her rubber glove, and then said the doctor had called, and I will be going into surgery as soon as she got here.

I was lying in bed, and must have fallen asleep, because the next thing I knew, I had bright lights all around me. Bobbie asked me if I was ready, and I just nodded. Someone put a plastic mask over my face, and I was asleep in no time. When I woke up, I was in a large room, that had bright lights too. I must have made a noise, because the nurse was right there.

"Well, you're awake. I need to take your vitals." She did everything the first nurse did, and said good. My abdomen hurt like hell, and all I could do was cry. "Are you having pain, sweetie?" I nodded. "Okay, I will be right back.

She came back with a cup of water, and a pill. I took the pill, and laid back down. When I woke up, I was back in my room. The nurse was just leaving. I didn't recognize her, but the little blackboard said her name was June, and under that it said PCA Kim. These nurses were a little older than me by a few years, having gone to college to get their degrees. Kim was older, in her forties she told me, and had been doing this since she was out of high school. Back then PCA's didn't need college degrees, like they do now. But she said she had gone back to night school to get her degree, and she was glad she did.

After she left, I fell back asleep. I woke up to my phone ringing.

"Hello."

"Miss McMillan, this is food service, did you want to order dinner?"

"No, I don't feel too hungry. And I don't think it's a good idea to eat anything anyway. I had surgery today, and I am still groggy. Maybe by breakfast though."

"Well alright I guess. I am calling the floor to let them know. Maybe they can give you something from the fridge." I said all right, and hung up.

I went back to sleep, and around one o'clock in the morning I woke up. I looked around, and my door was closed. My tummy was growling, so I pressed the nurse's button. When she came in, she said her name was Julie, and the PCA was Darlene. She asked me what I wanted, and I told her I was hungry. She said all they had were bag lunches, and fruit. She did say that maybe a yogurt would do until breakfast. I said anything will do, just so my tummy would stop growling. We both giggled, and I told her I needed a pain pill, too.

She brought me a bag lunch and a soda, and the pill. I took the pill first. I pressed the button that put the head of my bed up a ways so I could eat. I took my time, and just ate slowly. Of course, I usually do. It was almost two o'clock by the time I had finished and laid back down. When I woke up, it was four thirty in the morning. A lady came in and said she was from the lab, and that she had to draw some blood. She looked at my wrist band, and put the rubber tourniquet around my upper left arm. She said make a fist, and she started poking around on my arm with her finger. After she found a spot to pick on, she took out a butterfly needle and placed it in my arm. She took five vials of blood. I asked her what the five vials were for, and she said a lot of medicalese that I didn't understand.

After she left, I laid back down to go to sleep, but I couldn't. I couldn't call anyone either, because of the hour. I laid back down again, and just laid there. Next thing I knew, the morning nurse was coming in to take my vitals. She said everything was good, and she said I should order breakfast, because they had a note that I had eaten a late bag lunch. I called food service and ordered a bowl of cereal, a thing of eight ounce milk, a cup of tea, and an orange. The tray was brought up about a half an hour later, and just as I was taking my first spoon of cereal, Bobbie walked in.

"How's my favorite patient doing?"

"In pain."

"Yes, it will hurt for a while, but I got the sisters together, and you are here until I am satisfied that you are completely healed, and there are no more complications. When I went in, it looked like that area never did heal properly, and I didn't see it. I'm sorry. But we have it fixed now."

"Thank you, Bobbie. But do I have to stay here until I am completely healed?"

"Yes. That way we can be sure you won't have any more complications."

"Well alright I guess. But what about my classes? I'll fall way behind."

"No you won't. Cyndi said she will bring your work to you, and she will stay in case you have any questions. She said she will bring your other work from your other classes, as well."

"Well I guess that would be good. But I still don't understand why I have to stay here though."

"Because I can keep an eye on you."

I just gave that 'I give up look', and said okay. I wasn't happy staying here for two or three weeks. It is boring in the hospital, and all you have to talk to are the nurses, PCA's, lab technicians, and the doctor. And sleep. That's all there is to do here. Okay body, you had better heal right this time, because I am going to be majorly bored while you heal.

"Bobbie can I have a pain pill, please? This hurts."

"Yes dear, I'll get the nurse." She pressed the nurse's button, and when she came in, Bobbie told her to get me a vicodin, and the nurse left. When she came back, she checked my water cup, and refilled it. I took my pill, and covered back up.

"Bobbie, I need to try to sleep. I find that I am waking up at different hours during the day and night. When I wake up I'm in pain."

"Well, I prescribed the vicodin to be taken every four to six hours, as needed. So, when you wake up in pain, just buzz for the nurse, and tell her to get you one. Anyway, I have to check my other patients. I hope you didn't think I could stay here all day." We both giggled, I said good night, and she returned it, and then left. Even though it was morning, it seemed like night all the time because the blinds were closed, and there was only one window.

So we had our lights on all the time, except when we were awake. I finished my breakfast, and set the bed table on the side of the bed, and laid back down. Trying to sleep when there are lots of people talking and walking back and forth, isn't easy. I woke up when the afternoon nurse came in and said she had to take my vitals. Here we go again. so I just laid there while she took my blood pressure, pulse, and listened to my lungs. Ho hum, I guess this is what life is like for people that are patients in a hospital. I went back to sleep, but not for long, because the lady from the lab came and took more blood. Gee by the time I get out of here, I won't have any blood left. She left after she took another five vials of my blood. I jokingly said you better keep that, I may need a transfusion by the time I go home. She laughed a little.

I was just ready to lie back down, when Ken came in the room. "Hi sister," she said with a bubbly voice.

"Why are you so happy? I'm miserable."

"What actually happened? One thing I know you're going to see your doctor, and the next thing we're told you're in here."

"Bobbie said a part inside didn't heal right, but she did another small operation, and she said it is fixed now, but..."

"But?"

"But, I have to stay here until this is all healed up, so Bobbie can see if I have any more complications. She said she got all the sisters together and I guess to help financially with the hospital stay, because this is going to cost a fortune."

"I know it is. Bobbie did come to the house, and asked us to chip in. She said that she got a hold of national to get in touch with other sisters too that can help. Not all of us are rich, but maybe the sisterhood can come up with enough to take care of the bill."

"They would actually go that far to help me? But why? I am just one sister in the whole sisterhood. I mean, I am a newbie at that."

"Oh Jean! You are not only my sister in the sorority, you are my best friend, and yes, the sisterhood will go that far to help you, or any one of us in the same situation. We even have a legal fund, should you need to sue a doctor, a lawyer, a company, or whatever. Our lawyers will look over the evidence, and make a decision. We are Gamma Deltas Jean, because we want to help. We all believe in our credo, and we will as long as we live. Remember Jean, we are still pledges, even though we are full sisters, because you never stop pledging until the day you die. We aren't just a sorority, we are a worldwide sisterhood. So yes dear sister and best friend of mine, we not only can help you, but we will.

"Jean, you may not know this, but you started something when you wanted to pledge Gamma Delta. Because of you, we have taken a hard look at ourselves, and like our founding sisters, we will be there to help. Do you know why the varsity cheerleaders live at Gamma Delta? Because they know that being a cheerleader is a part of school, not a part of their future lives. A lot of the jocks get angry because they won't go to bed with them, until they get married.

"These are the values we instill in our sisters. This is what we strive for in life; to be a good person, and to help if we can, and mostly we can. So if you are going to have to stay here, then we will make sure the bill is covered. Understand, dear sister mine?"

"I don't know what to say." I started crying because what Ken said was so beautiful. Until I pledged Gamma Delta, and Ken, mother, and Bobbie got me to progress rapidly in my RLT, I was able to have SRS long before the mandatory year was up. Probably because I was adamant, and probably because mother, even though she objected, was really behind me, helping me all the way. Yes, these were happy tears.

Ken just held me until I stopped crying. "Ken, what you said, nobody has ever said anything like that to me, until I talked to you about pledging Gamma Delta, and then things just kinda roller coasted. And even though when I pledged I was told all of this, I am just taken by surprise that they would go to these lengths to help someone, even if she is a sister."

"Well, just so you know, we are helping you. Your mother said she will take care of your part, and the rest of us are chipping in quite a bit to keep you here, until you are completely healed, because we don't want to lose you, Jean. You have been an inspiration to this whole sisterhood, and we are very grateful. You did nothing to make us doubt you, and you acted like a lady all the time. Even Paul says you are a very pretty angel, sent from heaven to help us look around and see what we can do. Oh My Gosh! When you were sitting on that stupid bench outside of the sorority house, I almost wanted to adopt you.

"Jean, you are my sister, my best friend, and my charge. Yes my charge. I brought you into this sorority because something told me you belonged here. I made sure that the girls all knew about you before the night you moved in. We had a in house meeting, and that is when Colleen and a few other girls said they were going to give you the silent treatment and see how you reacted. You didn't get angry, or threatening, or anything, except sad that they were doing it. But when you became a full sister, Colleen and the others apologized, just as they said they would. So my dear sister, I will make sure your stay here is not a boring one. Okay?"

"Okay." I then said we had to pinky swear and we did.

"Now, I will come up after class, and I, or one of the other sisters will bring you your assignments. I'll bring what homework I have to do too, and do it here, that way there will always be someone here all the time, except at night. We are going to make sure you have company. Even your mother said she will be here between showings. Dr. McClellan will come up too every now and then to see how you're getting along. So girlfriend, since we have a few hours, would you like to play a game?"

"Yes, that would break the monotony of lying here."

"What do you want to play? There is Monopoly, Sorry, Ladders, and a few card games."

"Let's play Sorry. I like that game."

"I do too."

She brought over the game, and set it up. I pressed the button that would raise the head of my bed to a sitting position. She took two pieces, and put them behind her back, and mixed them up. Then she put both hands out in front of her, and I picked her right hand. The piece was green, so that means I had the green pieces, and the other was red.

"We have Christmas colors," she said. "Red and green." We both giggled.

I rolled the die first, and got a one. I moved one of my pieces out of home. Ken rolled, but couldn't move. On my next turn, I rolled a six, and moved the six spaces. We kept alternating turns, and I won by one piece. That means I got all of my pieces in home, and Ken only had one piece left on the board. Ken put the game away, and we sat and talked.

"Jean, are you in pain? You don't look so good."

"I'm feeling some pain."

Ken reached for the control and pressed the nurses button. When June came in, Ken told her I was having pain and needed a pain pill. June took her stethoscope and listened to my heart and lungs, and then took my temperature. My pulse was rapid, and my temperature was 106. June called the desk, and ordered a vicodin for me, and then she said to call Dr. Burns. When the nurse came in with the vicodin, I took it, and then June told me that Dr. Burns was on the way.

I really didn't like disturbing Bobbie because of this, but June thought it was necessary. "June, why did you call Dr. Burns?"

"Because your temperature is 106 and that is too high. We have to bring it down. Now there is codeine in the vicodin, and that should help a little, but I am putting a cold compress on your forehead. Your friend can make sure it stays on. I want you to keep it on at least until Dr. Burns gets here."

Bobbie came in the room, and took my temperature and pulse, then listened to my heart and lungs. She looked very concerned, and told me to lie back as comfortable as possible. Bobbie then drew the curtain around my bed, and had me put my feet in the stirrups. She checked the vaginal opening, and then told me to put my legs down.

"Well young lady, I don't see anything physical that could be causing your high temperature. I am ordering x-rays stat, which means right away. They should be here very shortly. If the x-rays don't show anything, then we are going to have do take blood, and see what is going on. I can only think of one thing that can cause this kind of a temperature. I heard a little gurgling in your lungs. When you cough, does anything come up?"

"Yes."

"Is it clear, or does it have a color to it?"

"It's green."

"All right. I will wait for the x-rays, because if you have what I think you have, it will show up on the x-rays."

"What do you think it is, Bobbie?"

"I think you have pneumonia. That is not uncommon after having surgery, but sometimes it takes a while to show up. Jean, I told you that you will stay here until you heal all the way. I didn't see any inflammation in the vaginal opening, but that doesn't mean you don't have pneumonia. We'll see what the x-rays show."

Just then, a lady from radiology came in the room. She looked at my wrist band, and then asked me if I could get up. I said not really, and she said no problem. She asked Bobbie is she could help move my bed to the x-ray room, and Bobbie said she would be glad to. When we got to the x-ray room, the lady, who looked like she was still in high school, and had blonde hair and a very nice smile, lowered my bed under the x-ray machine. She positioned it this way and that to get the proper angle, and then she went into a little room behind a glass window. I could see Bobbie, and that made all the difference in the world. The lady told me to take a deep breath, to hold it, and then said I could breathe.

She looked at the x-rays, and said everything was fine. Bobbie helped the lady take me back to my room, and then she told me that we had to wait for the x-rays to be developed. Maxine, that was the lady's name, told Bobbie she would bring the x-rays right in, as soon as they were ready. Bobbie was very concerned, because this would be the second time in my life that I contracted pneumonia, and that was not a good thing.

A little while later, Maxine brought the x-rays to the room, and Bobbie put them on a lighted wall thing, and looked at them very carefully. She was using her finger to trace the outline of something, without even touching the picture. June was in the room too, and when she saw the x-rays, she looked at me with a very concerned look.

"Do you see what I see, June?"

"Yes doctor, I certainly do."

"What?" I asked, a little concerned now.

Bobbie looked at me, and came over to the bed. "Jean, I'm sorry, but you have pneumonia, and it appears to be double pneumonia. Pneumonia is a virus that can be seen on x-rays, and what we are seeing is that maybe it could be double pneumonia."

"But, I've already had double pneumonia. How could I get it twice, and once while I am in here?"

"Well I think it is a result of the last surgery. Sometimes that is possible. When you have any surgery, your immune system is weakened, and it is possible to contract a viral disease, like pneumonia. I am calling your mother and telling her. I'm also ordering antibiotics for you too, as well as some Vicks Vaporub to get rid of the chest congestion, and clear your nasal passages. I am ordering aspirin to help to control the fever, and your heart functions. Aspirin has very good healing qualities. I am also ordering cough medicine with codeine in it. That will help your cough, and it also has an expectorant in it, so that you can get rid of the phlegm in your chest and throat. So, I just want you to rest, read a good book, or play board games with your friends. I will make sure they visit you once a day." She asked me if I was allergic to penicillin, and I said no, not that I know of.

"Bobbie, how long will I be here?"

"Until you completely heal, and I don't want you going back to the house with pneumonia. Maybe by the time you completely heal, the pneumonia will be gone. We'll see."

"I am going to be so bored."

She smiled at me, and then sat down in the chair next to the bed. "Jean dear, I am really concerned for your health. I know that being in the hospital isn't the most fun part of life, but I want you to get better. Besides, once you do leave here, you will be your old self, trying on outfit after outfit." She smiled, and felt my forehead with the back of her hand. "You are running a fever. The nurses will be in quite often because of the pneumonia. I want you looked after twenty four, seven. That is why you are in the observation room next to the nurses station."

"Well, I guess I have no choice. But I will be so bored."

She smiled at me, and patted my hand. "I have to go and check on my other patients. Don't be afraid to let the nurses know if you need anything, or just want to talk. If they are finished with their charting, they will talk to you. But they also have to answer their patients' buzzers though too. Anyway dear, get some rest, and I will be back a little later."

I laid back in the bed, and closed my eyes. The next thing I knew, I was being woke up by mother, who said my dinner was here. I had her help me with eating it, since I was really groggy. I finished my dinner, and then mother looked at me with a very concerned face.

"Dear, Bobbie told me that you had contracted pneumonia. Listen, I will be here as often as I can. Kendra also told me she would be here too, and she would do her class work here, so you didn't feel alone."

"Thanks mom," I said, reaching out for a hug. A hug from your mother when you are sick, is very important as well as comforting. She hugged me, and I laid back down, and went to sleep while she stroked my hair.

When I woke up, I noticed it was still dark, and the hall lights were still dimmed. I looked at the clock on the wall, and saw it was four in the morning. They would be coming in between now and six to take more blood. I always wondered just how people could stay alive, with all the blood they take. I turned on the television to see what was on, and Juwanna Mann was on, so I watched that, until the lady from the lab came in and said she needed to draw more blood. I told her I didn't think I had anymore, just water. She smiled and said it wasn't as bad as all that, and I said maybe not, but that's what it feels like. When she took the five vials of blood back to her vampire cave, I watched the rest of the movie, and laid back down.

It wasn't long before mom woke me up, telling me my breakfast was waiting. Mom has been ordering my breakfast for me, ever since I had the pneumonia. Either a half of a grapefruit, or an orange, tea with lemon, pancakes and sausages this morning, and a glass of milk. No coffee while I was sick. I really didn't like coffee all that much anyway.

I pressed the button on the bed to sit up a little more, so I could eat. When it looked like I was starting to fall alseep, mom told me to eat a little more of the orange, and then I could lie back down. She was really worried about me, and I couldn't blame her. She just wanted to make sure I got better. I ate two more slices of the orange, and my eyes wouldn't stay open any more. So I slid down in the bed, and went to sleep. All I know is that with the surgery, and the pneumonia, I felt very drained. I had no energy to even eat.

When I woke up, I had to use the restroom, and mother helped me with the bedpan. I couldn't get out of bed just yet, but I could use the "facilities" while I laid in bed. Anyway, since I couldn't move to well right now, I needed help to do even the simplest things. Well maybe in a week or two.

Kendra came up shortly before dinner, and sat down at the small table. She gave me a hug, and asked how I was feeling.

"I have no energy, Ken. I have to have help to even use the restroom, called a bedpan. I feel like the whole world is somewhere else, and I am just in a void."

"That's the medicine, Jean. The nurses told me a few things before they would even allow me in here. They said you will be in and out of consciousness, and may fall asleep without warning. But, if I see anything unusual, I am to press the nurses button for help. If you feel you need to sleep, just go right ahead. I will be here with your mother, until we have to leave."

Knowing that Ken was here was very comforting, and I could sleep without worry. I don't worry when mom is here either, but with Ken and mom here, it was even better. I must have fallen asleep, because Ken woke me up when my dinner came. I wasn't all that hungry, just weak, and wanted to sleep. But mother said no sleeping until I ate my dinner. Ken agreed, and asked me if I needed any help. I said I did, and she began feeding me.

I felt like an infant, being fed by her mommy. After I had eaten, less than half of my dinner, I started falling asleep. Ken tried to keep me awake, but it didn't do any good. I slept up until the night shift came on. Julie came into the room, and said now that I was awake, she needed to take my vitals. She took my temperature first, and said it was still high. Then she took my blood pressure, and wasn't satisfied with that either, and then she took my pulse, which was slow, she said. She said she had some medicine for me, and she gave it to me. One of the medicines was the cough syrup with the codeine, that had an expectorant in it. The next was an aspirin, because I had been sleeping when it was brought in before.

After taking all of the medicines Julie brought in, I fell back asleep. The first week I was there I did nothing but sleep, eat, sleep, eat, and use the stupid bedpan. Oh well, such is the life of a hospital patient. I was awakened again by the vampire lady who came in to take more blood. I wonder why it is always between four and six in the morning. Oh well, maybe someday someone will be able to tell me. I fell back asleep, and mother woke me up for breakfast.

"Mother, Julie said my temperature was still high. When will it go down?"

"Well hopefully it won't be high much longer. Everyday you are in here, and you have that pneumonia, I get more worried. I want you to get better, dear, that is why I order your meals for you. But all you've done was eat just a little then go off to sleep again. You have to eat, Jean. It is the only way to get rid of this virus. I know Bobbie wants you to stay here until you heal. But I am worried about this virus. The nurses tell me that your temperature is still very high yet. That isn't good.

"Do you remember when you had double pneumonia when you were younger?" She asked, but didn't wait for an answer. "I had to have a babysitter with you while I went to work. We both took very good care of you, and you were out of school almost that whole school year. But you didn't fall behind because Miss Marker brought your studies to the house, and helped you through them. Do you remember all the Vicks Vaporub that I put in the vaporizer?"

"I remember all the ice cream too, and all the chicken broth and tomato soup. I remember lying on the sofa during the day, and being able to watch television. Yes mother, I do remember that time. I was seven years old."

"Yes you were. And now we have it back again. That is why I am so worried, dear. I want you to get better, so that when you heal, you can go back to the sorority house. But you have to help us too, by eating everything on your tray. The saying goes, dear, 'feed a cold, starve a fever'. That is what we have to do, and you can only do that by eating everything I order for you. Just pretend you are seven years old again, and mommy is taking care of her little girl."

"I love you, mother," I said, and she gave me a big hug.

"I love you, too, sweetie," she said still hugging me.

Chapter XVIII - More of in the hospital.

　

I laid back down and went back to sleep. Before my eyes closed, I saw the worried look on mother's face. She was actually having a worse time with this than I was. Actually I was so tired that I just slept mostly. When I woke up, there was another nurse I hadn't met before. Her name is Barbara and the PCA is Debbie again. I just opened my eyes as she came in to check my IV drip. She looked at the monitors and wrote down a few things and then said as long as I was awake, she wanted to listen to my lungs and chest. The stethoscope was cold, and I shivered.

"It is a little chilly, isn't it. Well I can see that you still have a lot of gurgling in your lungs. Your temperature is still high, and I know this may sound redundant, but how are you feeling?"

"Like I have no energy, and all I want to do is sleep."

"That's the codeine working. Are you in any pain right now?"

"A little, but it doesn't hurt like it did yesterday."

"Well, if it gets where you can't stand it, just buzz and I will bring you a vicodin. Dr. Burns also ordered penicillin for you too. That is an antibiotic that will help get rid of the pneumonia. Your mother said she will be back a little later. She had to show a house."

I smiled a weak smile, and closed my eyes again. Sleep! Is that all I can really do here? It doesn't seem fair that my body is protesting against me. When I woke up Cyndi was sitting in the chair by the bed.

"Well it is about time, young lady. I thought you'd never wake up. I brought you your assignments up to today. You are only a little behind right now, but not that badly. Do you feel like doing a few assignments, right now?"

"All right."

"Let's start with today's lecture. As you know when you become a therapist you take the weight of your client's troubles, insecurities, and issues onto yourself. The client looks to you for guidance, advice, a little TLC, and wants you to listen intently. Sometimes the client won't know where to start when he or she comes in your office. For our group as you have seen, I provide coffee, tea, and soda if that is what they want. This helps to break down any barriers they may have. When you sat in on our group, they finally warmed to you because of your funny little ad-lib.

"Being a therapist is a very big responsibility. We have to show that we care. Now, I am going to be the client, and you are the therapist. I brought you a pad of paper so you can take notes during the 'session'. Are you ready?"

"Yes."

"Then let's start. You have called me into your office for our 'session', and I have just sat down in your favorite chair. Do you tell the client to move because that is your chair, or do you just sit in another one?"

"I sit in another one. The client should feel comfortable, and sitting in the chair I usually sit in is like she is testing me to see what I will do or say."

"Very good, Jean. All right now, I am fumbling with my fingers, and looking out of the window. I am not saying anything, I just look through the window. What do you do or say to bring the client back in the office?"

"It is a nasty bit of weather we're having isn't it? I wore my boots to work today, because of all of the snow and slush. This is so the client can see that I am human as well as her therapist."

"Very good, Jean. This is why you are one of my best students, because you pay attention. All right are we ready to get into the interview?"

"Yes we are."

"Good. Hi Jean, can I just sit here? I don't feel like talking, but I need to be with someone who can understand why." I wrote a few notes on the pad.

"Why yes, Cyndi, you may just sit here. This is your time to be with me, so you do what you need to to feel comfortable. If there is anything you wish to say then say it, and if you don't feel like talking, then that is all right too." I wrote a few more notes on the pad.

"That is just great, Jean. You are doing well. Now, remember I said that a client has many faces when they come to see us. I am about to show you one of those faces, and I want you to understand, that when you are a licensed therapist, this can happen, and more than once with more than just one client. So, here goes.

"Why are you staring at me? What did I do? Stop it! Stop it! I can't take this pressure any more, it's killing me inside. Now here is where I throw something that is near me. What do you do, in a case like that?"

"I will be right back, Cyndi. Just relax and settle down some. Then I go an get one of the men to help me calm the client down, and then make another appointment telling the client our time is over for today. I have the man that helped me make sure the client leaves the office. Then I let out a sigh of relief because this was a very harrowing session."

"Exactly. When a client, and it doesn't matter if the client is male or female, gets like this, we always excuse ourselves, and go and get help. Never Jean, never try to settle a client by yourself when they get like that. Remember that as therapists we are dealing with very highly emotional people that have had something traumatic happen in their lives, mainly to them. A case in point is, if we have an appointment with a man, and he shows up wearing a dress and has a beard, hairy legs and arms, we don't smirk, we don't laugh, we don't condemn. We treat every individual with respect and try through our sessions to give them some kind of help. Mostly we will be successful, but there will be the odd one out that either won't or can't learn the lessons we give through our advice. That is why it is very important to show respect at all times.

"You know Jean, I am very pleased with your progress academically, but not physically. You need to get well so you can come back to class. Now the rest of the lessons I brought with me are just writing assignments that I have given the class. For you, I want an essay on why you think you would make a good therapist, and then I want you to write an essay from a client's viewpoint. These are the only two lessons besides the 'session' we did today that I have given out. I will give you credit for participating in the other lectures as well because they all lead up to the 'session'. You did very well today. I don't suppose they will allow you to use a laptop here."

"No we don't allow that because of the monitors," Barbara said, coming back in to the room. "Is it necessary to have a computer for her to do her work?"

"No, she can use reference books too, it's just she can get all of that from the sites we gave out at the beginning of the semester."

"Well, we do have reference books, and I can have our supervisor talk to the psychologist and see if she can use a few of them."

"That would be very helpful. Thank you. Jean you let me know if you need any reference material other than what the doctor will let you use."

"All right, Cyndi, I will."

"Now young lady, you get some rest, and I will be back maybe, in a few days, or even tomorrow so we can go over more lessons. Good night Jean, and get well soon. I mean that, now," she said pointing an accusatory finger at me. "Oh! I almost forgot. Here is a notebook to do your essays in. These essays are due two weeks from today, so get them done, and don't be shy about asking for any materials to help in writing them. Now get some rest." After saying that, she left.

"She seems very nice, Jean," Barbara told me with a wide smile.

"She is Barbara. She is not only my psych professor, but also my sorority alumni sister."

"That's right. You belong to Gamma Delta Phi. We have a few nurses here that are alumni from there. You are the first patient I have seen where a patient's teacher has actually come and brought lessons with them. You must be very special."

"No Barbara, I am just a Gamma Delta."

"Then that must be some sorority."

I smiled at her. "It is Barbara, it really is. We are a worldwide sorority dedicated to helping others as best as we can. Most of our alumni work in the health field, but others like my mother and Cyndi work in professional fields too. Like my mother is a realtor, and Cyndi is a college psych professor. Cyndi is also a psychiatrist, so she knows pretty much what she is teaching us. She has a group that she wants me to sit in on as an intern, so I can get first hand experience of what it is like before I graduate."

"Well, I still say you must be someone very special for them to go out of their way like this." If you only knew, Barbara. "What year are you?"

"I'm a freshman at the college."

"A freshman! And your psych professor wants you to sit in on a group as an intern? Most college students don't even get into the field until their junior year. That is just, I mean, wow! You are someone very special to be able to be in the field as a freshman."

"Did you hear any of what we were talking about, while she was here?"

"Just bits and pieces as I passed the room. I heard her say you are one of her best students. That is a very rare compliment from any teacher. Oh there goes my phone. I have to run sweetie, now do as your professor said and get some rest." Then she left without waiting for a "I will".

I laid down again and went to sleep. I woke up during the night, and couldn't go back to sleep. I turned on the tv and there was nothing good on. I turned on the light above my bed, and got out my notebook. I started writing my essay about why I feel I would make a good therapist. I didn't even have to think about this one, and I didn't even need any reference books for this either. Five pages later, I was finished. While I was reading it over, the night nurse came in. I had never seen this nurse either. He was older, even older than mother and had a balding head. When he saw me sitting up in bed, he looked very sternly at me.

"You should be sleeping, young lady. You need your rest so you can get better."

"I woke up and couldn't go back to sleep. So I thought I would do one of my school essays. I was just reading it over when you came in."

"Well, you should be sleeping. Promise me when you are finished reading over your essay, that you will lay back down and go to sleep."

"I promise." He left, and I finished reading over my essay. It was perfect, so I put my notebook away, and went back to sleep.

Mornings were not made for people. Or is that people were not made for mornings? Anyway, the lady from the lab came in and said she had to take blood.

"Name and birth date, young lady." I said my name and birth date, and she checked my wristband, and then put a rubber tourniquet on my upper right arm, and started feeling for a good vein she could use. After she found one, she poked me with the butterfly needle and drew five tubes of blood. Why do they have to take so much? "There all done. Now you can go back to sleep."

I kinda just drifted in and out of sleep, and then the phone rang. It was food service, or as they called it "room service". They wanted to know if I would like to order breakfast. I told them to just send up a good tray. Then the lady went over the menu with me, and when I had agreed to a breakfast tray, I went back to sleep. I didn't hear them bring the tray in until the nurse woke me up and said my breakfast was here. After I had eaten my breakfast, Bobbie came in and sat down next to the bed.

"I need to see how you are healing, dear." She raised two stirrups that I didn't even know were on the bed, and told me to put my feet in them. Then she used "jaws" again to open my vagina, and she looked in with the light she had on her head. "Well, I am going to have to give you some antibiotics and vaginal cream. You have a yeast infection. You seem to be healing just fine, but I want you here until you are completely healed. That should take about another week. We'll see."

"Another week, Bobbie? I'm bored almost to death now."

"I know sweetie, but I want you completely healed so that you won't have to come back in here again. Your mother and I have talked about you spending the next week at home, but I want you to have twenty four, seven care. Your mother isn't always going to be home, and it will cost for a nurse to come out every day. So we agreed that you should stay here for at least another week. You are almost healed. There is a lot of reddening yet, and that should be gone in this coming week. Hopefully. If it isn't, you will be here until it is. I want everything on you and in you healed properly before I let you go back to the sorority.

The next week seemed to go by very slowly. Bobbie came in on Sunday and looked me over, and said everything was fine,and she was going to sign the discharge papers. In the meantime she said I could get dressed, and wait for the nurse to bring in the papers for me to sign, and she would give me further instructions for after care at the sorority.

Part II - Back at Gamma Delta

The nurse came in and had me sign three pages, and then said good luck and don't come back as a patient. I smiled and thanked her for the wonderful care she and the other nurse gave me. She said I was a treasure because I was the first to thank her and include the other nurses. Most people she said just took it for granted that every nurse had to provide care no matter what. She gave me a hug and said take it easy, and I called Kendra to come and pick me up. I didn't have to wait long, because she was already coming down the hallway to my room. I giggled about that thinking now that is good timing. Kendra grabbed the plastic bag with all of the things I was taking with me, and then we left for the parking lot.

"Well it took you long enough to get out of here. I thought you were going to change your address and get your mail here." We both giggled.

"I was thinking about it." We giggled again.

We got to her car that was parked almost right in front of the front door. We got in and buckled our seat belts, and we were on the way back to the sorority. Kendra said it was good that I was finally coming back to the house, because everybody missed me, and the way I always smile and take things as they come, and then handle it then. Many have told me they couldn't do that. Sally Drier told me that she folds up when things get too heavy for her to handle. Sally is a wallflower at dances, and only dances when she is asked. I mean, she is pretty and if she had more confidence those sky blue eyes would hypnotize any boy, even Paul. While we were driving she called Gamma Delta and told whomever she was talking to, that she found the lost sheep and was bringing her home. I heard her say, "good", and we kept driving. In this little town the hospital is actually on the outskirts and is about twenty to maybe twenty-five minutes away depending on traffic.

We pulled into the college and went straight to the student parking lot. Kendra parked in her space, and then we made sure we had everything, and went to the house. There was a big banner above the door that said, "WELCOME HOME JEAN". When we went inside everybody cheered and said, "SURPRISE!" I was actually totally unprepared for any of this. Why me? I mean this is the second time now they have given me a coming home party. Then I saw Paul behind Sandy, and he came over and gave me the biggest hug you could ever imagine.

"Uhm Paul, I, I uhm, I can't uhm breathe." He said sorry and loosened his hold a little, but would not let me go. He kissed me on my lips, and then I knew how much I had missed him. I just melted into his arms, and then a flash went off somewhere in never land, maybe. All I wanted right now was Paul to hold me, and never let me go. Then I heard a far away chanting.

"Paul and Jean sitting in a tree, k i s s i n g; Paul and Jean standing in the hallway, k i s s i n g."

"*Sigh*, it must be wonderful to be in love," Paul and I stopped kissing and I turned and saw Lydia with the biggest cat's grin you ever saw.

"You know Lydia, Paul and I have been in love for years, and we didn't even know it. We've known each other since were ten."

"Oh that is just so precious. Childhood sweethearts, and now they are engaged to be married. Now that is committed love."

I blushed a bright red, and Lydia and Sandy said that red is my color. Then Lydia wanted to know if all the sisters had a fatal disease or something, because I hadn't said hello or even given any of them hugs. So I remedied that and said hello to each and everyone of them, and gave them hugs, and then said to the whole house, thank you for the wonderful home comig. They all said it was nothing for the star of the house.

"Wait! The star of the house? Who?"

"You silly. Why, do you know that before you came here we were just kinda going through the motions of being a sorority. You woke us up girl, you and your firm standing on what you believe in and then going for it at all costs. You woke us up. I wouldn't be surprised if you get voted in as president here. You have a special quality that most people don't. When Kendra first told us who you were, and that she believed you would make a good sorority sister, we all kinda laughed about that because boys don't pledge sororities. But after you pledged and moved in, we didn't see any "boy". What we saw was demure and proper young lady who wanted to be a part of an organization that really stood for something. You made us sit up, put our napkins on, and take small bites. So yes girlfriend, you are the star of Gamma Delta Phi, and we are proud to call you 'sister'."

The dam burst wide open again. What Lydia had just said made me so happy that they thought I had something special.

"So this is what we were looking for when you pledged. We didn't know how you would benefit this sorority, even you didn't know, not really. But after you moved in, then we saw just how you could benefit Gamma Delta. You awakened the sleeping midget and we are very grateful." She held me while the tears just flowed. "Jean, you are a very wise and pretty girl, and we love you and will help you in any way we can. You have that charisma that only so very few have. So wipe those tears away dear, and let's ... PARTY!"

I couldn't help but laugh at that, because she was so right. What was I crying for? Because I was happy that's why. I got up and went over to the buffet table. Paul said he would get what I wanted, and I pointed it out to him, and he got it. He got something for himself, and we went to sit down so we could talk.

"I'm not going to ask what it was like being in the hospital, but I will ask how you are feeling."

"I'm fine now that I'm home again. I mean I just spent the most boring three weeks in the hospital. I mean I did get up walk some, I watched television a little, but mostly I slept. But I'm fine now, because I am home and the man I love is right here with me." He leaned over and kissed me.

"Ehem, don't I get even a hug," Cyndi said as she crept up behind us."You know we're going to have to get you two lovebirds a room if you keep this up." All the girls giggled, and I gave Cyndi a very big hug.

"Thank you for coming Cyndi. I have one of my essays done. I did it the night you were there."

"And what reference material did you use?"

"None, because I know exactly what kind of therapist I am going to be.

"Well that is very commendable young lady. What about the second one?"

"I am going to do that tonight, and have it ready for tomorrow."

"You know they aren't due for another thirteen days ... right?"

"Yes Cyndi, but the sooner I get it done, the sooner I have time to do other studies and other things too. I don't want to wait until the last minute to write it in a hurry and not be able to re-read it and see if it needs to be added to."

"You are a remarkable child. I talked with my department head, and he talked to the dean, and they both agreed that you can sit in on my group sessions. Now when you are there just do what you did that first time."

"I will, because I want to be the best therapist I can be."

"Good girl."

"You're going to intern already? You're just a freshman! Oh My Gawd, you see what I mean about being the star of Gamma Delta? Girl! You are going to go far as a therapist."

"Thank you, Lydia," I said, giving her a hug. "But just remember though, I'm not a therapist yet, so I can't "shrink" any heads here." Everybody giggled, but then Cyndi said something I wasn't ready for.

"You know what Jean? Maybe you can be an in house intern therapist, and just bring your notes to me, and I will go over them. I am your mentor, and you are my intern. Lydia, would you be so kind as to bring that up in the next meeting? If nobody objects to my seeing Jean's notes on anyone who goes to her for a little session, then I will talk to my department head and see if we can't allow you to do this, with me overseeing. I think this would be very good, and you will be graded on it, if we can allow you to be an in house intern therapist."

"Well it would be all right with me Cyndi, if it is all right with the rest of the sisters. But Lydia, you tell them too that the only one outside of me that will see anything they tell me, and my recommendations will be Cyndi, and no one else."

"I will be sure to bring it up, and then you can tell them at the meeting. The next in house meeting is after the break."

"That sounds good, Lydia. That will give me enough time to talk to my department head, and he has to get the okay from the dean. So keep your fingers crossed, both hands, and knock on wood, because we are going where no ordinary college student has gone before. If you are allowed to be the in house intern, Jean, you will be the first. No other student has ever been allowed to give therapy sessions in house."

"I understand, and more now too. I am being given a chance to actually practice my studies as I go along. That would be great, Cyndi."

"Well what are we doing talking shop? I'm sure that Paul would like to dance. So, we are here for a party, so...LET'S PARTY!"

Wow! Cyndi is just as much a party girl as we are. It is good to have a professor who is a human being. Paul got up, and asked me to dance. As I got up, he held my chair for me. We walked hand in hand to the dance floor set up in the middle of the dining room. I looked at the band and mouthed "play Kissin’ Time". The band started playing, and Paul took his cue and kissed me as we danced. This is what I had been waiting for my whole life. To be a woman in a strong man’s arms kissing me while we were dancing. Paul was the sweetest guy any girl would want, and I have him. *Sigh*. I laid my head on his chest, and we continued dancing. The next song by the band was a lady’s choice. Cyndi had requested Dean Martin’s You’re Nobody Till Somebody Loves You. Paul looked into my eyes, and he kissed me again, then he said, "you’re somebody Jean, because I love you." I laid my head on his chest again, and we just danced. I didn’t want to let him go, because I was in that stupid hospital for three whole weeks bored out of my head. I wanted Paul to love me, and hold me, and dance with me, and protect me, and love me, and, and, and...slow down girl, you got him already. Then Paul said he was hungry, so he got something for us both to nibble on, while we sat this next dance out. I just kept looking at him with puppy eyes, and he just smiled.

"You know something, Jean? When you look at me like that, you are very pretty, and angelic."

All I could say in a dreamy manner was, "mmhmmm".

Then all of a sudden I woke up from my reverie to the sound of Danny and the Juniors "Rock And Roll Is Here To Stay. Paul and I got up and danced a very fast dance to this song. Even though this song was from the fifties, it was still a good song to dance to. After this song wound down, the band started right in with Buddy Knox’ Party Doll. We danced again, and by the time the song was over, we were both exhausted.

"Let’s get something to drink. I’m exhausted, Jean."

"I am too, too much lying in that hospital bed. You get us something to drink, I will be right back." I excused myself and headed for the bathroom. After I was through, I rejoined Paul at our table. Mother was already there talking to Paul.

"See, I can’t leave you alone for two minutes and you’re already cheating on me." We all giggled, and Paul gave me a hug. "Mother can I ask you a question, please?"

"Why yes, dear, anytime."

"Why does everyone say that I’m special? I only want to be the woman I am."

"Well dear, to be exact about it. You are the one that came to us and said ‘let me pledge’. We all had our doubts. But then you stood your ground and wouldn’t give an inch. You didn’t even let me change your mind. Then when you pledged, it was printed in our Journal that we send out to the membership. Every Gamma Delta around the world knew that a male was allowed to pledge our sorority. You were told the ground rules, and you haven’t let us down. Then we started taking a very hard look at ourselves. We all started to think that you found us to be something special, simply because I am a sister here and a past president of this chapter, and what this sorority as a whole stands for.

"When everybody saw that you were serious in not only pledging, but in becoming a physical woman too, you gained the respect of a very tight knit organization. Some of the girls didn’t believe you were that serious, until you showed us what stamina and will power is all about. I heard some of the girls call you the ‘Star of Gamma Delta Phi’. That is exactly what you are, the star. I know you don’t like to be singled out for honors and such, but sweetie, you have earned this one time and again. It was you that showed us, we didn’t show you and for that we are very grateful. So, my dear daughter, go with the flow and show us how to accept and love those who are different. For a long time we were looking for some kind of inspiration to bring us out of our ‘slump’ if you will. Well dear daughter, you are that inspiration, and thank you for teaching us."

"Oh mother," I said giving her a hug and starting to cry.

"You go right ahead and cry sweetie, you have earned this right too. Remember that we are all here for you just like you are here for us. What do you think Paul?"

"I think I love her more than ever. She is shy where it counts, she is emotional all the time, and she is a good dancer. She is beautiful not only in her body, but in her spirit too. I only wish that when we first met each other that she was the girl then that she is now; I mean, physically. She has always been this girl emotionally and in spirit. We are going to be just fine, Mrs. McMillan."

Mother smiled and said she knows we will be fine, and that this is one marriage she is going to enjoy making preparations for and going to. She said the highlight of being a mother is watching her daughter walk down the aisle to her waiting husband to be. We talked for a bit more, and then the band began playing. This time Paul asked mother to dance, and she accepted. I was proud that Paul and I had been friends for almost like forever. Mother liked him very well, and Paul's parents liked me too, and even more so now because I am going to marry their son. In just a few days we will be leaving to go home for the Christmas holidays. We come back the day after New Year's. Oh my gawd, I have been in the hospital that long? I went in just before Thanksgiving, and got home today. Even though it seemed a lot longer, it was only three weeks. and now I am caught up in my lessons. But wait a second here! When Cyndi gave me my writing assignments, she said they were due in two weeks. Did she mean right after Christmas break? She had to of.

I found Cyndi, and asked her about the essays being due, and she said right after the holidays. I thanked her and went and sat back down. I was deep in thought when mother and Paul came back to the table.

"...to Jean."

"Huh?"

"I said, earth to Jean. Where were you just now? You seemed far away."

"Oh, I was just thinking. We leave for the Christmas holidays in a few days, and I was just thinking about how long I had actually been in that dumb hospital."

"Well, I called mother and told her both of our families should have Christmas dinner together. That way we can talk, and mom and dad can actually see you as you really are. They have only seen you before your beautiful change into a glamorous butterfly. Wait until Shelley sees you, she's just going to die with envy."

Shelley is Paul's sister, and she thinks she is the bomb. She is a little over weight, and has mousy hair that she never keeps neat, and her clothes are the worst. I mean I am not judging her or anything, but Shelley thinks the world owes her instead of her being just another person in it.

"I would love to have Christmas dinner with your family, Paul. Mother doesn't that sound good?"

"Yes dear, it does," she said beaming that infectious smile. "That means I don't have to cook." We all giggled. "I will make a salad to bring over, Paul, so ask your mother what kind salad I can make that everyone will like."

"That's easy Mrs. M. Everybody will like a nice fresh garden salad with as many fresh vegetables as you can put in it."

"Paul, if you are going to be my son-in-law why don't you just call me "mom"?

"Thank you, mom. You know this is going to get very confusing when we are at my house. I will call you mom and my mother, mother."

"Sounds good to me, Paul. Now why don't I find Cyndi and let you two love birds alone? And Jean, don't you worry about a thing. Bobbie will have you in her office in two weeks and make sure everything is really healed this time." She gave Paul and I hugs, and went off to find Cyndi.

"Paul, do you think that Shelley will be jealous of me? I mean, the way I look now and behave?"

"I know she will. She always thinks she is above everyone else. But when she sees you though be ready for some very bad name calling, because she is going to be shocked to see you as you are now. I have been talking to mom and dad about you since you pledged Gamma Delta. So they are prepared, but I don't know if they told Shelley or not. They are even coming to pick me up too. So they can meet you before Shelley does. Unless Shelley comes along. So don't worry about Shelley, because anything she says will be out of jealousy not hatred or dislike."

"I'll make sure I don't get too bothered. If she will, I will even have a talk with her alone, and explain things to her. Maybe, just maybe she will see that I am who I say I am. I am physically female now to match my soul, and I have a very wonderful fiancé. So I will make sure that she doesn't bother me that much. Besides I can act like the cat that got its tail run over by a rocking chair, if I have to." We both giggled.

"That's my girl. Would you like to dance?"

I said yes, and he held my chair for me, and my palm in his as I got up. We walked hand in hand, again, to the dance floor and danced the slow dance. It felt so good to be in his arms. Am I saying this too much lately? Good! I never thought I would ever get this far this soon, and it is a great feeling to have people back me up in my journey into womanhood.

After the dance was over, I excused myself and went to the bathroom. When I finished in the stall, I looked in the mirror at my makeup. It needed a little freshening. I washed my hands, and repaired my lipstick, and went back out to dance with Paul who was waiting right outside of the bathroom door. We danced every dance for the rest of the evening. Then mother, Cyndi, and Lydia said that it was time the boys went back to their dorm. I walked Paul to the front porch and kissed him good night. I watched him as he rounded the corner to go to his dorm, and I went back inside. I must have been a million miles away because I didn't hear Lydia talking to me.

"You know girlfriend, you have the 'I'm in love' bug very bad. You hardly even noticed I was talking to you."

"I'm sorry Lydia, but I was just daydreaming about Paul."

She nodded as she said, "I know. He is pretty special, isn't he?"

"To me he is, yes.

The next few days went by fast, and Paul's parents were coming up the walk to the house. I just happened to see them as I looked out of the window. I already had my suitcase packed, and I went out to meet them.

"Mom, dad, this is my fiancá¨e Jean. She and her mother are having Christmas dinner with us."

"Child, it is so good to meet you. Are you ready to go?"

"Mother said she was coming to get me."

"I spoke with your mother, dear. She said you can ride with us. Besides, I am sure you would want more time with Paul anyway."

"Thank you Mrs. Anderson. I would definitely like more time with Paul."

She was smiling when she said, "well, what are we waiting for? Let's Go."

Her Mother's Daughter - Chapter XIX
by Barbara Lynn Terry

　
Part I

"You know something, princess, you get prettier every time I see you."

I put my head on his shoulder and looked up at him. "And you dear prince get handsomer every time I see you. I love you, Paul."

"I love you too, sweet princess. Before we get home, I have to tell you that your room will be right next to mine, and there is a bathroom between us. So when you need to use our bathroom, knock on the door first. Then lock my side so I just don't wander in. Don't forget to unlock it when you're finished.

We had just left the college parking lot and we had a 20 minute trip ahead of us. Oh my gosh! I am so going to love being with Paul over the holidays. He is such a gentleman. He never pushes his advantage, and he always treats me like a princess. We talked about the things we were going to do when we got to his house.

His mother said that they still went Christmas caroling through the town. I loved Christmas caroling, stopping in front of each house and sing one or two songs. Sometimes we'd be invited in for a cup of hot cocoa and to talk about the holidays and what we were going to do. In a small town like ours Christmas caroling is considered a time honored institution. Everybody that has decent signing voices goes out and brings Christmas cheer to the neighbors.

I asked about Mrs. Bass. Mrs. Bass is the town's oldest living resident. When I went off to college she was in her late eighties. I waited for an answer, but all I got were pained looks.

"Honey, Mrs. Bass died last week. Her heart just quit. She was ninety years old. They had a wonderful funeral and almost the whole town came to say goodbye. You know she was one of the first teachers here when the town was very young. She will be missed by everyone."

"I remember helping her when I was in high school. I'd go shopping for her, I'd get clothes and underthings if that is what she needed. She was a sweet lady, and her mind was as sharp as ever."

"Yes, and she knew every one of our grandparents by name." We giggled. "She will definitely be missed."

"Paul, are we going to go caroling tonight? I would like to really sing a carol or two at Mrs. Bass' grave if that is alright."

"Yes, we can go caroling tonight."

"Dear," Paul's mother added. "I think singing a couple of carols at her grave is a very good thing. She really liked it when we would carol in front of her house. Then she would invite us in for some hot cocoa and just to talk. She has outlived her entire family, including her two youngest brothers. So yes dear, we will sing a couple of carols at her grave. That will be a very good tribute to her memory."

I kept my head on Paul's shoulder, and kind of just dreamily thought about the coming holiday break. We didn't go back to school until after New Year's, so we had a full two weeks to enjoy each other's company. He said my room was right next to his, and that there was an adjoining door to a bathroom between the two rooms. I wonder what he has on his mind. Anyway, I thought about the caroling, the hugging, the kissing, the ... oh no! I think I had better not think about that. But anyway I was happy that we were spending the holidays together. I was told my mother was already at the house waiting for us to get there.

Paul's father parked in front of a two story red brick house, that had a turret at one corner. Paul pointed to it and said that was his sister Shelley's room. And it was absolutely off limits to everyone, including mom and dad. I wondered just what kind of a girl would forbid her parents to go in her room. Paul said she thought she was the cat's meow. Hmmm, I wonder what she will think of me. I didn't have long to wait, because as the trunk was opened, Shelley came out of the house.

"Hey big brother, long time no see. Is this Jean? Even in jeans you're pretty. I'm jealous. You seem familiar to me though. Are you the same Jean that used to run around with Paul when he was little?"

"The same."

"Wow, and look at you now. It's about time you shed that tom boy image. You've grown, in more ways than one. Girlfriend, if you are going to be my sis-n-law, we need to get to know each other. You know, any friend of Paul's kind of thing. I have something in my room that even Paul didn't know I had. I have the first polished stone you gave him when you were eleven. I've kept it dusted, because I want to surprise Paul and you with a very nice Christmas present. You'll see it Christmas day. Come on girlfriend, let the guys get the luggage."

Was this an act? Was she being nice to me because I was Paul's fiancée, or because I was a girl and the same age as she was? Or was she being nice to me using her company manners? Well, we will see.

I went inside the house with her, and we went straight to the kitchen. She told me where the cups were, and to get out six and place them by each chair. I got out the cups and set them down, and then she poured water in to a carafe and set it on the electric hot plate. The carafe is one of those you see in restaurants that they bring your hot or cold drinks in. Then she took some powdered cocoa and put two tablespoons in each cup. The water was hot enough by the time the guys had taken our luggage up to our rooms and came back down. She poured the water into the cups, and we sat down to have a "family" get together.

"Okay everybody," Shelley said, looking at each one of us. "Tell me about the trip."

"The trip was uneventful, except that Jean had her head on Paul's shoulder all the way. Jean asked about Mrs. Bass, and I told her that she had passed away. Then Jean asked if we were going caroling tonight, and when Paul said yes, Jean said she would like to sing a couple of carols at Mrs. Bass' grave. I said that would be a very good tribute to Mrs. Bass' memory."

"Jean, I think that is so precious. Mrs. Bass was a very nice lady, and the whole town will miss her. I like to go caroling too, and I will be going along."

"That's my Jean, she is always thinking of others, or other people's memories. She doesn't have a nasty bone in her body. Shelley, Jean wanted to know if you would help her and Paul build a snowman. She hasn't done that in five years."

"I'd be happy to, Mrs. McMillan."

"Great! Well kids, if we are going caroling tonight, let's get you unpacked and ready."

We all went upstairs and Paul went to his room, and mom and Shelley came with me to mine. Shelley saw my dresses and said she wished she was thin enough to wear at least one. Then she saw my Mrs. Santa outfit. The skirt came to mid thigh, and the top had a V neckline covered in faux fur, as was the hem of the skirt. She held it up in front of her and looked at her reflection in the full length mirror on the closet door. I took out the calf length boots that went with it, and she just swooned that she wished could wear something like that.

I told her there would be no reason why she couldn't, and then she told me that she had an eating problem, and for some reason couldn't stop with just one square of chocolate. I told her that if she wanted me to, I could help her with that, but I was only going to be here for the holidays. I said that I could come over during the summer break and we could work on it then. She said she would be very happy to be able to wear regular dresses and skirts again.

"I guess I have been over doing it a little; well, maybe more than a little. But when mom and dad told me that Paul was engaged to a transsexual, I didn't know what to think. I didn't know anything about transsexuals and I thought that maybe you had two heads with horns or something. I'm glad that we met though, because we girls have to stick together."

"That is why over the summer dear girl, you are going to lose at least one hundred pounds. That will also go a long way to helping clear up your acne, as well as laying off of the sweets. You know Paul is a saint. He is always there for me telling me this and that to make sure I don't do anything that is not ladylike. I belong to the Gamma Delta Phi Sorority and when we pledge, we pledge to be ladies at all times, and help others if we can, and if we can't, to try to find some way to help. My mother is an alumni of our sorority and a past president of our chapter. I..."

"My mom is an alumni of that sorority too." She went to the door to call for her mother, but just as she reached the bedroom door, Mrs. Anderson came in.

"Hi girls, how's everything going?"

"Just fine, Mrs. Anderson. I'm almost finished unpacking."

"Well, leave that for now and get your coats and come down and have dinner. Then when we are finished cleaning up, we'll let our tummies settle and then we can go caroling." She left, and we followed her to their dining room. Paul's father said grace, and then we all sat down to eat. This was going to be a great two weeks.

Part II - Around the town.

We all got our coats on, and we made sure that the Christmas tree was lighted, and we left to go caroling. We walked around our neighborhood first. We stopped at the middle house of three and sang Walking In A Winter Wonderland. With mine and Shelley's voices, we lit up the night with happiness as we sang songs of love, promises of a new life after we leave this one, and cute songs too like Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow! And even White Christmas. As we walked around singing out carols, we were invited in a few times to share a cup of hot cocoa and sing more carols in the houses. It was a great time, and I haven't had this much fun since I was little.

We stopped in front of an old friend's house. His name is Jim, and he was what the girls called a stud. When I began singing The First Noá«l Jim came out with his parents and stood on the porch and listened. After I finished the song, Jim's mother invited us in. We were invited to take our coats off and stay a while. Then Jim said something I was not ready for.

"You look very pretty, Jean." He gave me a hug. "Hi Paul. Are you two an item, now?" I showed him my ring, and explained how Paul had asked me to marry him. "Well Jean, I always knew you weren't much of a guy, but you make a very pretty woman." I blushed a bright red. "You're very cute when you blush that way."

"Paul tells me that all the time."

We all sat down and I brought them all up to date. Jim's mother gave me the biggest hug, and Jim's dad said he couldn't understand why somebody would want to do that to themselves.

"Mr. Davis, want has nothing to do with it, for me it is..."

"Of course it's a want. Why else would anybody do something that drastic?"

"Mr. Davis, I have been more girl than boy ever since I can remember. It isn't something I consciously did, it just happened. When I went to see my therapist, she told me that I was very feminine and I wasn't even trying to impress her that I was. Mr. Davis, you have a very limited outlook on why people do things. Jim has an online computer, here is a site address that will show you what we have to go through in order for us to achieve our final goal."

"Only someone who is mentally ill would do something like that."

"No Mr. Davis. In order for us to have our final surgeries, we have to be cleared by a psychiatric professional of any mental illness. That is because it has to be determined that what we are going into with the full knowledge of the consequences, if any, and that the results are permanent."

"Permanent! Then what about these people I have been reading about that say they made a mistake and are going back to the way they were?"

"Mr. Davis, even though some people may think that going back to being a male is what they need, they will never be able to function the way they did, before their male to female surgeries. If they feel they made a mistake, and they go back to being male, it will be the same as going from female to male. The genitalia is only prosthetic and only is functional to pee through." Mom, Mrs. Davis, and Shelley giggled. "So you see Mr. Davis, that we not only have to be cleared of any mental illness, but we have to be sure that this life changing surgery is what we need to be complete."

"I don't understand. How can you be complete, when you're chopping parts of your body off?"

"Mr. Davis. While there is some penile tissue that is discarded, most of what is between our legs is used to create the clitoris, the outer and inner lips, as well as the vaginal canal itself. Mr. Davis, I don't mean any disrespect by this question, but...how far did you go in school?"

"I went as far as the sixth grade. I had to work on the farm with my dad and grandfather. Why?"

"Can you read well enough to understand what you read?"

"Yes, I can understand what I read, as long as there aren't any big words."

"Jim would you help your father understand what I had to, and am going through. He doesn't understand."

"I'd be happy to, Jean. So tell us what college life is all about. Have you gone to any parties?"

"Jim do you see this little ribbon pin. Look very closely and you will see Greek letters on it. This is the sorority pin of Gamma Delta Phi, and we are sworn to be ladies forever. Our alumni are all over the world, we have chapters in some European countries too. I cannot go to a party, dance, movie, or even for just a walk without a chaperone. I can't even go in Paul's dorm, because it is a male dorm, and a lady does not go into a mens dorm unescorted."

"Wow Jean, I impressed. Physically female, in a sorority, and you have a fiancá¨e. And you had to have done this in the first semester, because when you left here, you were physically a male."

"Yes Jim, I did this all during the first semester, and I have had a lot of support from the Gamma Deltas. My mother is an alumni and past chapter president of our house."

"Well dear, it doesn't matter how you got here, all that matters is that you are here. Welcome to womanhood, dear." Jim's father stalked out of the room mumbling under his breath. "Don't mind him, there is a lot he doesn't understand, and I think he is frustrated because of his low education."

"Mrs. Davis, he shouldn't feel embarrassed because he doesn't have much education. There are many people in the world that don't have a lot of education, and they are actually quite successful at what they do.

"I know, dear, but he is. Anyway, it is wonderful that you can follow your dreams and make them a reality. And Paul, you take care of this lady, and she will make you the happiest man in the world."

"She already has, Mrs. Davis," Paul said, giving me a kiss on my lips.

"So, what are we waiting for? Let's sing Christmas carols," Jim's mother said, with an exuberance I have only seen in younger girls. She got up and went to their Stein piano. It was actually bought for Jim so he could follow his music career.

We sang We Three Kings Of Orient Are, Silent Night, White Christmas, The First Noá«l, What Child Is This, Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree, and Jingle Bell Rock. After we were finished, Jim's mother asked us if we wanted to to have more cocoa, and we said no because we had one more stop to make. I told her that we were going to sing Christmas carols at Mrs. Bass' grave.

"Honey, Jim and I will go with you. Mrs. Bass was very much loved in this town, and she will definitely be missed. She just loved it when everybody would stop at her house and sing Christmas carols and she would invite us all in for a chat and hot cocoa. This will be a wonderful tribute to her. Let's go. Dear, she called through the house, we're going to Mrs. Bass' grave and sing Christmas carols."

"Not without me, you aren't. That old woman was a dear, and everybody loved her."

We just looked at each other, and we knew that he needed time to think. We smiled, because we knew that we were now a group. As we were walking toward the cemetery, I heard a voice behind me.

"Jean! You're home. But you look so different." Alison Howard was nineteen, and had that energy that you wanted to bottle up and sell to everybody.

"Hey Alison," I said, giving her a hug. "Yes I look very different inside and out. I've gone through transition to be physically female, so I can be complete in my soul and body." She squealed and gave a tight hug.

"I knew you were more girl, than you ever were a boy. It's great. Where are you going?"

"We're going to sing Christmas Carols at Mrs. Bass' grave."

"OMG! Hey everybody, we're singing Christmas carols at Mrs. Bass grave."

She yelled it at the top of her lungs, I felt, and no sooner had we started walking again, than people were coming out of their houses to join us. By the time we got to Mrs. Bass' grave, it seemed that the whole town was with us. Two police officers that were following us, joined in the tribute at her grave.

When we were finished, fours hours had gone by. One of the ladies in the crowd wanted to know whose idea this was. Everybody that was with me, when we started out, backed away and all of a sudden I was standing alone. I blushed because now I was being recognized as an organizer of a wonderful town event.

"Aren't you Jean McMillan?" One lady asked.

"Yes, ma'am."

"Child, you are very pretty, even with your coat on. You and your group just have to come to my place and we can sing carols, have hot cocoa, and talk."

I looked at everybody else, and I could see some stern looks, some confused looks, and some very accepting looks. Mrs. Arlene Cougar was the wife of the town's mayor, and she had that glint in her eyes that said she was up to something.

"I want to thank you, Jean, on behalf of the whole town, for organizing this event. This is a wonderful tribute to a very special lady."

"Thank ... you ... Mrs. ... Cougar." Then I started crying. Damn hormones.

Mrs. Cougar came by me and just held me in a loving embrace that only my mother had ever done before. "There, there, child. You always did have a heart of gold. I remember when you were younger, and you and Paul Anderson did things together, but not like two boys, but more like a girl would do, and the boy just following so he could be with a very special girl. Are you through with your transition, dear?"

"Yes, ma'am."

I got hugs from the women, and most of the men who were fathers. Then still singing Christmas carols as we were leaving the cemetery, I saw one of the police officers actually crying. I thought to myself that it was alright to cry, even for a man. We got as far as Mrs. Cougars's house, and the rest continued on still singing. Our group just went in, and we were invited to take our coats off, and sit down.

As I was taking my coat off, Mayor Cougar came in. "Hello Jeannette, hi Paul." Then he looked at me with a curious glance, and then he said. "You're Jean, but you don't look anything like the little boy I remember."

"No sir, and I guess I never was a boy."

"Dear," Mrs. Cougar said, bringing a tray of hot cocoa. " Jean is a female now, and I always suspected that she was inside that boy exterior." Mayor Cougar gave me a big hug, and said I was always welcome at his home.

"Anybody who has the audacity to follow their dreams and make them a reality, has a lot of respect in my book. That is what is so great about this country. Anybody has the right to be who they want to be, even if it means changing their sex. Did you all have fun singing Christmas Carols at Mrs. Bass' grave?"

"Yes, sir. I used to run errands for her. She was always nice and had a kind word for everybody. She even prayed for those that went to prison for one thing or another. I just wish I had been here when she was sick, so I could have helped her."

"Jean, nobody knew she was that ill, or we would have all done something. As you saw tonight, she was well respected by the whole town. Shelley thank you for letting everybody know too. I'm sure that those that came were happy they could do something for her."

"I know, Mrs. Cougar. But you know I was thinking though, that we could do this every year. You know make a Mrs. Bass day and do things in her memory, and end it by singing Christmas carols at her grave."

"That is a wonderful idea, young lady," Mayor Cougar said. "I think I will draft it after the holidays are over, and then I want you here when I present it to the city council. They are the ones that have to vote on it, then I can sign it into law and make it official. You know Jean, the missus is right. You have a heart of gold."

"That's my Jean, always thinking of others, and gets sad when others are ill, or sad, or just have a defeatist attitude. She has always been like that since I can remember."

"Jeannette, you are a wonderful mother, and I can see where Jean gets her smile from. She has your eyes too. I never noticed that before."

"That's because they were never made up like this before, either." We all giggled because mom was being funny. "Jean is studying to be a therapist at college."

"Why Jean, that is a very good profession. We need a more therapists, especially here. Do you know what kind of a therapist you are going to be?"

"I want to help people have confidence in who they are, so they can be themselves. I was very lucky because I have a mother and a fiancᨠthat loves me. I have very good friends in the Gamma Delta Phi sorority, and I have my health. There are many people that don't have any love at all. I want to show these people that they are not alone."

"Did you decide what type of therapist you want to be, dear?"

"Not yet, Mrs. Cougar. But I was thinking that maybe I would be a psychotherapist. I really don't want to be a psychiatrist because they have the authority to prescribe medicine. I don't want my clients to feel that they have to walk on egg shells in order to avoid my giving them medication. As a psychotherapist I feel my clients will be able to trust me more."

"That is a wonderful way to put it, dear. I hope you succeed in everything you set out to do."

"She has already," my mother said, with a sense of pride. "She has accomplished in one semester, what it would have taken others years to do. She is my precious pride, and I am so proud of her. Tomorrow, I am taking her shopping for a few things."

"Like what, mother?"

"You will just have to wait and see, dear. It is a surprise."

Her Mother's Daughter - Chapter 20 - Mother/Daughter Shopping Trip

by Barbara Lynn Terry

The next morning, the sun was shining, but the temperature was like twenty degrees above zero. It was cold, so it called for warm clothes. I got out of bed, and looked through my dresser, and took out my jeans that had flowers on the back pockets, and my lingerie. I also took out a pair of knee high double knit socks. I went to my closet and got out my powder pink Angora sweater, and my insulated show boots.

I decided it was too cold for a bath, so I took a shower, and used my perfumed body wash. I didn't need to wash my hair, so I just washed all over, and then got out and dried myself. As I patted myself down, I glanced in the mirror and saw myself from head to toe. I saw what had been accomplished through the first part of the semester. I missed a lot of class time, but because I was in the hospital I was given credit for class participation. That was because if I hadn't been in the hospital, I would have been in class.

Today mom and I are going shopping, because mom wants to buy me more clothes. I will need a whole house just for my closet if mom keeps buying me clothes. Of course she is paying for my tuition, but the clothes are something else. She wants me to have more skirts and dresses, because a lady dresses like a lady, and dresses and skirts and blouses show that a woman is a lady. This whole semester has been unreal. I am passing all of my classes, but I have been in the hospital more days than I could ever have imagined. Well, this is Christmas break, and I am going to enjoy it. I have had one class after another and one hospital stay after another.

But now I am with my fiancée, mom, and a whole town of people with decent hearts. Paul came in and brought me out of my deep thoughts.

"Where were you just now, princess?"

"I was just thinking about how much has happened since I started this semester. I was just thinking about how lucky I am to have you."

"I'm the lucky one, princess. If you hadn't pledged Gamma Delta, we would still be roomies. But you went your way and I stayed my way and we fell in love. I have always loved you in a lot of ways since we were little. I loved you as a friend, I loved you as someone I could do things with, I loved you because you never complained, and I love you."

I laid my head on his chest, and just stayed there. This was my knight in shining armor, my protector, my lover, my fiancée and soon to be husband. This is what being a woman is all about; having a nice man to love and one who loves you back. But this man loves me even though he knows I can never give him children, unless we adopt. Mother came in and saw me with my head on Paul's chest.

"Well, I came in to see if my daughter was ready to go shopping, and she isn't even dressed yet. Honey, you will need warm clothes today."

"I got my clothes out, and then I started to think about what has happened this semester. Then Paul came in, and I just sort of ... didn't get dressed."

"Well Paul, would you like to come with us? Jean needs some warmer clothes for this winter and I want to get her something special too."

"Yes, Mrs. M, I would love to see Jean try on a few pairs of this and that. She looks beautiful in whatever she wears."

"Even my birthday suit, Paul?"

"Yes, princess, even in your birthday suit." I gave him a big hug, and a nice long kiss.

"Ehem. Come on Jean, we need to get going if we are going to find a parking place. I shooed Paul out while I got dressed. Mom put my hair up in a nice pony tail, and with my coat on and my purse, we left for the mall.

As we were driving through town, we could hear the Christmas music coming from the speakers on the lamp posts they had set up just for the holidays. It is a wonderful time of the year, but it is a shame too that people don't have Christmas in their hearts all year 'round. Then there are some people that don't have Christmas in their hearts even during the holidays and especially on Christmas day. Now whether Jesus was actually born on Christmas day or not, makes no difference, it is the day we celebrate His birth and the coming of the Messiah. I think people should have the spirit of Christmas all year long, and show that spirit by helping others. Like people seem to give a helping hand during the Labor day weekend when Jerry Lewis pleads via the MDA telethon to give generously whatever people can. But then after the telethon goes off the air, these same people that gave a few dollars here and there for muscular dystrophy research, all of a sudden go back to their selfish ways. I will never understand that, as long as I live.

As we started getting out of town, I turned on the radio to see if we could get a station with Christmas music on. We were able to pick up a local station that played Christmas music from different artists. There were even songs by western artists too like they played Gene Autry's Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer. and they played Brenda Lee's Rockin' Around The Christmas Tree, and Jingle Bell Rock. Paul and I were just snuggled together listening to these songs, that were made way before our time. Then I found out that Gene Autry was the original singer of Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer way back in 1949. OMG! That was like sixty one years ago. Even mom isn't that old. I giggled, and Paul and mom asked if that was a private joke or could they know too, so I told them. Mom and I giggled and Paul just kinda snickered.

"That's what I like about you, princess. You're always thinking about things like this. It's what makes you very beautiful because you use your mind, not just your looks to get where you want to go."

"Why thank you, sir knight," I said with frown. "I think."

"Those frowns make you beautiful too, my sweet princess."

Now how can a girl let that go? I kissed him on the cheek, and I looked into his eyes. I saw something there that made me love him all the more. I saw the look of a man who was serious about protecting and loving me. Come to think of it, he has been actually protecting me for the last eight years. Did he secretly love me when we were younger like I was a girl? I wonder.

"Paul, when we were younger, did you love me like I am now, or just as a friend?"

"I saw something in you that was different. When you wanted to go collect rocks by the lake, and when you wanted to go swimming but were too shy to go skinny dipping, and when you wanted to feed the birds in the park, instead of look at girls, when you wanted to watch tennis or golf instead of football, baseball, or whatever other 'guy' sports, I knew you weren't a guy. Well, I had a feeling anyway. But now, since we are at the same college, I see why you were always so shy and not interested in partial or full contact sports. Yes Jean, I guess you could say that I have loved you as a girl since we have known each other. But when you pledged Gamma Delta, and you had your surgeries to be physically female, and you wanted me for your escort for the Pledge Dance, I knew then that you were truly the girl you have always been, and then I figured you were meant for me. It is really something how fate works. But yes, princess, I have always loved you as the girl you have always been."

"And I have always loved you too, Paul," I said kissing him on his neck.

He held my head there for a few moments, and then he held my head up and looked into my eyes.

"Princess, I promise you here and now, that I will always be your protector, your lover, your friend. I will always make sure that you are properly escorted to and from events like the dances and dinners we have at the college, and even after we leave college. When we are married Jean, I will not be the kind of husband that says you cannot do this or that. We will do things together, or by ourselves. You don't have a jealous or mean bone in your body. Since we have known each other, you have taught me quite a lot. Jean McMillan, I love you."

"Paul Anderson, I love you too."

When we got to the mall just outside of town, mom found parking to be a problem. But it was okay with Paul and I, because we walked hand in hand to the upper level entrance of J.C. Penny. For winter clothes, I don't need designer jeans, or anything like that. Besides J.C. Penny did have decent clothes that were pretty even in jeans. Mom had me try on different pairs of jeans, several pairs of dress pants in different colors and fabrics. And for the tops mom had me try on shirts and blouses that were long sleeved, and not see through. Then we went over to where they had sweaters. The Angora sweater I was wearing, was very warm, and I was perspiring in J.C. Penny. After we were through getting my jeans and tops, I was the proud owner of four different pairs of jeans, all with embroidered flowers or animals, or both. I had five different shirts to go with the jeans, or my skirts, five different blouses to go with skirts, dress pants, or jeans, five different skirts and five different dress pants. the skirts were beautiful, and only one was cream with no designs. The other four were turquoise, with an embroidered deer in the center; yellow, with trees, grass, and a house; burgundy with roses on both sides; and a light rose skirt that had a forest scene all around it.

Then mom said I needed shoes. OMG! If I get any more shoes I won't have any more room in my closet for the rest of my clothes. I tried on several pair, and J.C. Penny's shoe department had really nice shoes for all occasions. I tried on heels, wedgies, mules, flats, and even sandals. Mom bought me four more pairs of shoes, and only one pair of runners. I had two pair of heels, and one pair of mules. One pair of the heels had an ankle strap that was different from my other pair.

Then, mother said we weren't finished yet. We went to Zale's Jewelry Store in the mall, and mother handed the guy behind the counter a small piece of paper. The man said he would be right back,and went in the room behind the counter. When he came back, he was carrying a jewelry box. He handed the box to mother, who smiled and told me to close my eyes. I felt a necklace being put around my neck, and earrings being put in my ears.

"Alright Jean, you can open your eyes now. Look in the mirror, honey."

I looked in the mirror and I gave a joyous yes as I saw a diamond pendant necklace, with diaomonds all around the pendant, on a silver chain, and matching earrings. The earrings had diamonds around a larger center diamond. I was in heaven. I hugged mother.

"Thank you, mother. You already had this ordered."

"Yes. My daughter needs something to wear for those special occasions, and nothing says I am a lady than jewelry. Now, where do you think we should go for brunch?"

"How about," and I dragged out the word about. "Mac's is a good place. I understand they are from Australia. We've never been in there, so let's try that."

"Alright, Mac's it is."

We took our bags out to the car, and put them in the trunk. Then we headed for MacIntyre's Famous Scottish and Australian Cuisine. They had everything from the two countries. As we went in the hostess asked us which section did we want, either Australian or Scottish. We picked the Australian side, because we were only having brunch.

She took us to our seats, and gave us our menus. The waitress came to take our orders, and all I ordered was Devonshire tea. A Devonshire tea is tea with scones, butter and jam. It is very good, and the price was good too. We took our time and talked about our shopping trip, and mother said it wasn't over yet. What else can we get? I have enough clothes to last at least two lifetimes. But then I remembered what mom had said too. She said that a girl never has enough clothes, cosmetics, or purses. I guess I have to agree. While we were in the restaurant, several of the towns people came over to thank me for organizing the caroling at Mrs. Bass' grave. They said this should be a yearly thing where we can get together at her grave and sing Christmas carols. I thanked them for their time and I said that the mayor was going to make Christmas day Mrs. Bass Day, and would present it to the town council right after the holidays. They all said they would remind him when the time came.

When we got back home, well it is home for the holidays anyway, we all sat around and talked a little about what we were going to do. We all said we had Christmas shopping to do for each other. Paul and I said we wanted to do more things together and as a family too. I mean, after all, I am going to be their daughter in law. Paul wanted to show me the album he had been making since we were kids. Of course it wasn't started by him, but he has been adding to it since I was pledged at Gamma Delta Phi. I said I wanted to see it now, but he said I had to wait until Christmas day.

Paul's father wanted to tell stories, and he wanted to know who was game, as he put it. We all said we were, and we picked drinking straws to see who would go first. Paul won, so he started.

"There was once a young girl, who was shy and liked the softer things in life. She always wanted to do things like find rocks that had very pretty designs on them. She sat on the rocks while I went skinny dipping, and she even laughed when a wave would put me under water. I didn't know it then, but she actually loved me too. Then this little girl grew up, and at first we were room mates at the university, and then she pledged the most prestigious sorority on campus. Now she is my fiancée, and soon to be my wife. Jean McMillan, I love you with every fiber of my being."

"I love you too, Paul Anderson."

"That was a very good story. A story of love and romance."

"Thank you, mom. Jean it is your turn."

"Once upon a time, there was a little girl who dreamed of pledging her mother's house on the university campus. But because she was different physically, she didn't have a chance, so she was always sad, until one day her fairy godmother came and sat next to her. She promised the little girl that she would be able to pledge her mother's house whatever it may take. The little girl went to the sorority's open house, and was pledged as a sister. Since then her physical difference has been corrected and she is now a respected sister of the Gamma Delta Phi sorority where her mother was a sister and past chapter president. Now she is engaged to be married to a handsome knight whose armor has never been tarnished. I love you Paul Anderson."

"I love you too, Jean McMillan."

"Well, I must say. You two are really in love." She looked at Paul's father. "It's your turn, dear."

"There were two young people who never had any doubts about whether they were friends or not. One of these young people went through quite a life, and emerged a beautiful butterfly. The other young person decided that this beautiful butterfly was just the girl for him. They have had a wonderful life together, and they lived happily ever after."

"These stories are really great. Does anyone have another one?"

"I do, Mr. Anderson," I said thinking of Mrs. Bass. "There once was a woman who came to this town looking for a new life. She found that new life in all the people around her and in her wonderful job as a school teacher. Some say she was very firm, others say she was the best, but whatever they thought about this woman, they all loved her. As she got older, and she no longer taught the children in school, the people of the town made sure she wanted for nothing. Young people would help her get things from the store, if she couldn't get out. This wonderful lady passed away, but is not forgotten. We all love you Mrs. Andrea Bass."

"That was a great story, Jean. A wonderful tribute to one of this town's first settlers. You know Mrs. Bass was wasn't that old, but she had accomplished quite a lot living here. She is well loved."

"Thank you. Mr. Anderson."

We all decided to sing Christmas carols, and then call it a night. This is a very nice vacation. I wonder what tomorrow will bring.

The next morning, Paul woke me up with a soft kiss on my forehead.

"Good morning, sunshine. It is almost nine thirty, and you have been sleeping for almost ten hours."

Ten hours! OMG! I have never slept more than eight hours, if that long. Yesterday must have really tired me out. I yawned, and went to run my bath. I put in a cap full of my lavender bubble bath, and went to get my under things. I got out my sexiest lingerie. The panties were high cut and and almost sheer with lots and lots of lace, the bra was a small, matching demi bra, and a ankle length, matching half slip. I went back in the bathroom and brushed my teeth, and then got in the tub. I just sat there sponging water all over me, and just thinking about this vacation with my fiancá¨e and his family. Even mom was here too, and we didn't live that far away, just down the road.

But we had all decided to have Christmas in one place this year. Mom was doing really well selling houses, and had told me she sold two just before school had let out for Christmas break. A knock on the door from mother wanted to know if I was alone. I giggled and said yes. She came in and used the toilet, and then washed her hands. She put the lid down, and sat there and talked to me.

"Jean, how did you like the Christmas Carols we sang at Mrs. Bass' grave, last night?"

"I thought it was the best we could do to remember her by. She was very sweet, always gave me milk and a couple of cookies when I went to the store for her."

"Well, I asked that because there was something she had left behind. In her will she directed that it be given to you. So, on Christmas morning, you will get a Christmas present from Mrs. Bass."

That did it. The tears just flowed. This sweet old lady had given me something in her will.

"Why wasn't I at the reading of the will then?"

"Because in her will, she directed that it was a surprise and to be given to you on the Christmas morning following her death. I didn't know anything about this until Paul's mother had told me. So I just wanted to tell you that Mrs. Bass had given you a Christmas present also."

I finished washing up, and got out of the tub and patted myself dry. I wrapped the towel around me, and went in my bedroom to get dressed.

"When you're dressed dear, come in the kitchen. I'll make you some breakfast, and we can talk a little more."

She left me to get dressed, and I was thinking about Mrs. Bass. Mrs. Andrea Bass was ninety years old and finally went to teach the souls in Heaven. I still felt I should have been at her funeral, but maybe singing carols at her grave made up for that. As I washed, I remember the first time she asked me to go and get her a few under things. She gave me the list and the money, and I left for the store.

"Jean, here is a list of some under things I need. Will you get them for me?"

"Yes, Mrs. Bass."

"You won't be embarrassed?"

"No, ma'am."

"Good."

I went to the department store, and I gave the list to the lady, and she got everything when I told her they were for Mrs. Bass.

"Mrs. Bass was my grandfather's teacher. She was new here, and she had a college education, so they hired her as the school marm, as my grandfather called her. He said she was fair but firm, and never let the boys get away with anything in her classroom."

She was well past seventy when I made that shopping trip. The sales lady then asked me another question.

"Is there something I can get for you?"

"Like what, for instance?"

"Well, most boys sweat bullets when they come in here, but you seem very relaxed, like you are in your element."

"I just need Mrs. Bass' things." She gave me the bag with the store's logo on it, and I left, looking at all the dresses, skirts and tops on the way out. I could see from the side of my eye that the sales lady was watching me, and she had a smile on her face."

Those were the days that I had had a lot of fun.

I finished dressing, and went down to the kitchen. Mom was making me scrambled eggs, two turkey breakfast sausages, one slice of multi-grain toast, orange juice and milk.

"You know, sweetie, you make a wonderful woman, because it takes you forever to get dressed."

We both giggled, then I told her what I had been thinking of.

"Well sweetie, you did a lot of errands for her, and I remember Paul going with you several times too. You two were meant to be husband and wife longer than you know."

"He has always been sweet to me. I mean, he never complained about the things I wanted to do, and he kinda knew something was up when I wouldn't go skinny dipping with him at the cove. I guess you're right, mom. We were meant to be together as husband wife a long time ago. I mean, Paul has always been there for me, and I was always there for him."

"Did I hear my name mentioned?"

"Paul"! I screeched and got up to give a hug and a kiss.

"Ehem, young lady. Finish your breakfast. Paul, what would you like to have?"

"I'm not really hungry after that good morning kiss." Mom and I giggled. "I would like what Jean is having."

"A wise choice. Please leave the tip under the plate, and thank you for dining at Jeannette's diner."

Mom was in good spirits today, and she was making breakfast for everyone. It wasn't long before Paul's parents were down, and Paul's mother wanted to take over making the breakfast, but mom shushed her and said she was doing fine. Shelley came in, and sat down. Her hair was immaculate, her clothes were the kind you would wear to go anywhere in, and she had a smile.

"Good morning mom and dad," The looked at each other as if to say, 'who are you?' and she even gave Paul and I hugs. Paul's eyes got really wide, and he looked at me with his mouth agape. Paul mouthed to me, 'what is with her?' I just shrugged my shoulders. I didn't know Shelley well, I had just met her yesterday.

"What would you like, Shelley?" Mom had offered.

"Oh, what everyone else is having. Thank you."

Paul was taking a sip of his milk, and almost spit it out when Shelley had said thank you.

"Uhm, sis? Let me ask you a question. What is with you, all of a sudden? You have been almost human like since yesterday."

Almost??? Human like. Well, dear brother of mine, I am going to be this way forever. I am going to lose this weight, and I am going to be very nice to get along with. I don't mean sickenly nice, but nice like everybody else. It is time I started taking better care of myself.

"The reason I let myself go like this, is because I thought nobody cared about me. Then you show up with this woman who immediately began showing me respect. She said she was going to help me lose this weight, and have more respect for myself. Something nobody else has done for me. So, thank you Jean. We're going to get along just fine."

"Shelley, all you need is a push in the right direction. If you ever need to talk to me when I'm at school, you can call me on my cell. I will come over on weekends, and we can go shopping, or just hang out together. Girls need each other for support, and I will help you in any way I can with that support." I wrote down my cell phone number for her, and she put it in her back jeans pocket. "When I said I wanted to join Gamma Delta Phi, I had a lot of support. When I said I needed to be physically female, I had a lot of support. When I was in the hospital, I had a lot of support. So, I can't do anything less. After breakfast, let's talk a little. I have a plan for you, how you can lose that weight and keep it off."

"I would like that, Jean, thank you."

"You are very welcome, but like I said, we girls need to stick together. We need each other for support, and besides, lose a few pounds, and the right clothes and you will be a pretty girl."

"You really think I can be pretty?"

"Yes, Shelley, I do." We hugged each other, and her tears just flowed like a raging river. "Come Shelley, let's get your face cleaned up."

We went to the upstairs bathroom, so we could talk a little more, and get that raccoon makeup off of her face. After she washed her face after removing the makeup, she started to put more makeup on.

"Shelley, I'm going to make sure, that if I can't come here, I will have my mom or Paul bring you to me, and we can do the same thing we would here. The college is on the other side of town, but we all shop at the same mall. You are pretty now, but you could be much prettier with weight loss and the right clothes. You know what kind of makeup to use and how to put it on. The only thing you need is confidence."

"Do you think I can find the right guy? I mean, I haven't exactly been eye candy."

"But we can get you to be eye candy, if that is what you want. All you need to do is exercise a little each day, don't eat too much, and make sure when you do eat, you only take small portions. Sitting in front of the tv isn't a good thing either. I mean, pick your favorite programs, but make sure that you only watch tv like maybe three of four hours a day. That is enough for four one hour programs, maybe two movies, or seven thirty minute programs. That is a lot of television. When I am at the sorority house, we do things that keep us from becoming couch potatoes. We are constantly having one dance or event after the other at the college. If it is a college event, we include it as a sorority event because we are an on campus house. As a sister, I can invite as many girl friends as I want, but I only invite one guy; Paul.

"So yes, I think you can be eye candy, and with weight loss and the right clothes, who knows, you may even pick up a college guy. There are very decent studs on campus that don't think they're all that. So we will get you down to the one hundred and twenty pounds you weighed before you started not caring. Deal?"

"Deal," she said giving me a hug. "It is good to have someone who cares."

"That is what sister-in-laws are for. Come on, let's go back downstairs."

We went downstairs to the kitchen, and both mom's had the kitchen already cleaned up. Shelley and I talked a little more about doing a few things, and Mrs. Anderson wanted to do more shopping at the mall. I told Shelley that that was a good idea, and we all got our coats and purses, and Paul got his coat from the front hallway.

We left in both cars, since there were too many for just one. When we got to the mall, there were no parking spaces next to each other, so Mrs. Anderson had to park a ways away from us. The mall was busy though, and the stores were so crowded, you almost had to tie a rope to each other just so we wouldn't lose someone. The first store we went in to was a men's store that sold only the best men's fashions in town. Mrs. Anderson was looking for something for Mr. Anderson and Paul. I took Paul with me and Shelley, and we went to the store next door.

They had men's fashions as well as women's clothes. While Paul looked through the men's part, I took Shelley over to the plus sizes. I was showing her what would look very pretty on her, when she saw a dress that she thought was made just for her.

"Oh Jean! Look at this! Isn't it the prettiest thing?"

"Yes, Shelley, it is very pretty." I really didn't like the dress personally, but if it made Shelley happy, then I was going support her. That is the first step in helping someone get the confidence they need to be themselves. "Go and try it on."

She went in the changing booth, and when she came out, she was just beaming. She did a twirl for me, so I could see the dress from all sides.

"That is very pretty, Shelley. You know, there is a dance coming up at the college, and I can invite you to be my guest. Paul is my date and chaperone, so he isn't considered a guest. Besides he goes to the college, and the dance is open to all students and their guests. Would you like to be my guest at our next dance?"

"Yes, I would. When is the dance?"

"St. Valentine's Day, at seven in the evening."

"That sounds like a nice day to find true love. But, not for me, because I look like a hippo."

"Ok Miss Gloomy Gus, that is enough of that negative attitude. You will be surprised at how many college girls are not what some guys would call eye candy. But they have beaus. Let me say that if it is meant to be, you will find someone there that will like you for you. There are some guys at the college that don't care what a girl's body looks like, all they care about is the person. When you come to the dance, you will see what I mean. Now, are you going to buy the dress?"

"Yes, thank you, Jean."

We take an oath to be ladies all the time, no matter where we are, or who we are with. Our oath also says that we will be above all things petty and to help others in need, if we can. The rest of it is just the standard no going in to a men's dorm unchaperoned, not going to to any events, or movies, or other places without a chaperone, and we are not to engage in wanton sex that will bring shame on the Gamma Delta Phi sisters or our organization. We take this oath because we care about who we are and what we can do to help make the world a better place.

So when Shelley started getting down on herself, I had to think of something to give her confidence enough to accept my invitation. Everybody says I think fast, and I guess I do, but when someone is upset with themselves because they don't see themselves as pretty, then I have to think fast to give them something to shoot for. The St. Valentine's Day dance is two months away, and I have a lot of work to do to get Shelley ready. We have two weeks here for Christmas break, and I am hoping we can do a lot to start getting her ready.

I told Shelley I needed to look for a present for her, and would she like to stay and look at more dresses.

"I'd love to, but you mean, you're getting me a present! Thank you, Jean."

"Sister there is no thanks needed. This is the Christmas season, and we are going to be related by marriage soon, so why not act like sisters."

"I see. So, this isn't just something you're doing because of Christmas but for Christmas."

"Yes. Shelley, you need just a swift kick in the panties, but let me tell you right now. These things I am doing or going to do for you, is because I want to do them. This isn't because I have pity, or I think you're repulsive, but I am doing all of this because you need just a tad bit of confidence to be able to live. So no more why are you doing this, Jean, and no more do you think I can from you you Shelley, because if I didn't think you could make it, I wouldn't even try. I would still be your friend, but I wouldn't try to help you lose that weight.

"The weight you have is because you let yourself go, and all you have to do is follow directions. Will you do that for yourself?"

"Yes, Jean, and again, thank you."

"Oh, come here." I gave her a hug and told her that we were sisters, not just sister-in-laws, but sisters, and we need to support each other. I told her I would support her if she would support herself.

"But, what about supporting you? I mean, you need support too."

"You can support me by being my friend, my sister, my confidant, and having the confidence in yourself to be the best person you can be. But, it is going to take time. You can gain weight fast, but it takes a while to take it off. May I tell you something without you getting angry?"

"Yes."

"Paul told me about you, and your attitude towards most things and most people. Why was that?"

"Because I didn't think anybody cared about me. So I let myself go and got the attitude that if nobody respected me why should I respect them."

"Well, what do you think now?"

"I'm going to love having you for a sister-in-law, because you really care about people, even the people you just met."

"Shelley, I have known Paul and your parents since I was little. You know that. I never really got to know you because I was always with Paul. Besides, you seemed to have other interests, and you weren't concerned about two boys hanging out together."

"I can see now, that I should have looked a little more closely. You are very pretty, Jean, even without makeup and a dress. It takes a special kind of girl to be able to wear her clothes well, and be able to still be pretty."

"You can be just as pretty, Shelley. All you need to do is shed the pounds, and take better care of yourself. Join an aerobics class, jog a little, limit what you eat to small portions and lay off the sweets and the chips. It is alright to have a candy bar now and then, and maybe a few chips or unbuttered and unsalted popcorn, but don't eat those things just to be eating. If you want to have your figure back, then you need to sacrifice a few things."

"I guess you're right, Jean. I have been making a glutton and a fool of myself. I have one question though. Why didn't my mom ever tell me this?"

"I guess because she thought that it was your responsibility to go to her. See Shelley, mother's don't like to interfere unless it is absolutely necessary. She may have thought this wasn't a necessary thing for her to interfere with. But we are going to be in laws, and I am going to help you get back what figure you had. Understand, girlfriend?"

"Yes, I understand. Like I said, I am going to love having you for a sis-in-law."

I took my things to the counter and paid for them, after shooing Shelley out to mall proper. After the lady had wrapped them, I went out by Shelley who was sitting on a bench crying."

"Hey, why the tears?"

"Because for the first time in my life, someone actually made me sit up and look at myself. I didn't think it got this bad, until you told me what Paul had said to you. Then I figured, if my family had those ideas about me, what were others thinking."

"Come on, wipe those tears, and let's get going. The others are probably through already. What do you think, Paul."

"Who, me?"

"Yes, you. You have been very silent throughout this whole thing. Now tell us what you think."

"I think this is a start Shel. It took you a while to gain this weight, and develop the attitude that goes with it. It is going to take time to lose the weight, and the attitude."

"Thanks little brother," Shelley said giving him a kiss on the cheek and a hug.

"Now wait, Shel, if you're going to start being nice to me, it would just be too much for this heart of mine to take." Shelley and I giggled, and Paul just stood there looking lost, as usual.

When we got down to the food court, the others were there, just getting in line to get our food. I walked over to mom to let her know we were there, and that everything was alright between Shelley, Paul and I.

After both moms had gotten the food, and I helped them with the drinks, we sat down to talk about our shopping trip.

Mom had gotten herself a really nice dress and promised to show it to me, when we got back to Paul's house. Mrs. Anderson had bought Mr. Anderson a really nice shaving kit, that had not only an electric razor, but a straight razor too, a large brush for brushing away the hair from the side burns, and it also had a lovely smelling after shave. She wouldn't tell us what she got Paul, because he was sitting right here with us. We told Mrs. Anderson about the talk Shelley and I had had and that everything seemed to be alright, now that someone is going to help Shelley lose the weight she had gained.

Of course, mom wouldn't tell me what she got for me, but I was curious anyway. I mean, what else could she get me that I haven't already wanted and gotten as an early Christmas present? Mom has been there for me since the start of the school year. She has supported me in ways I never thought she would. Even though she said she did not agree with me, she stood by me, and even paid for my entire srs. Then I started to cry, and everybody wanted to know what was wrong.

"It's this whole thing. Everybody has been so supportive and so friendly, I'm just overwhelmed. I mean, this all started with mother telling me about Gamma Delta Phi and my wanting to pledge her house ever since. I have always wanted to be physically female, and get good grades to be a very good therapist when I graduate from college. All but the last, I have accomplished. I remember when Paul proposed to me on the dance floor at the Sarah M. McKinley Arena, and what the emcee had said as well. 'May they succeed in everything they set out to do'. It just overwhelms me that I have accomplished everything so far, and having my childhood friend as my fiancé. These were all just dreams until Kendra talked to me that first day. Even that seems like years ago. I have made so many friends here and at the college, and I am grateful for that. I have a wonderful mother who loves me and supports me, and I am now female, and engaged. Except for graduating from college and getting married, what else could a girl ask for?"

"It will be alright, sweetie," mom said, putting a comforting arm around my shoulders. "Honey, it is like I had told you, you have been more girl than boy more than even you know. I saw it in the way you did things, and I just put it down to being one of your quirks. But when I had heard you wanted to pledge Gamma Delta, I was like 'oh no, not my son'. But then everything you did that I saw as feminine came back to me, and I figured alright, if this is what my child wants, I am going to play the devil's advocate. When we talked during the open house, I had to be sure this is what you wanted, because there is no turning back, once this has been done." She rubbed her nose against mine, and said, looking into my eyes, "I am very happy for you, and I know that come St. Valentine's Day, you are going to be happier. But shouldn't you both wait until you graduate from college to get married?"

"Well, we did talk about that, and we decided that the first St. Valentine's Day after we graduate, we are getting married. I think we should concentrate on our studies, and get the grades we need. Besides, I want to be a therapist, and if I go for psychotherapist, all I really need is a degree in sociology and psychology. A psychotherapist basically is a psychiatric social worker, but they have more patience than a normal social worker. That is what makes them great therapists. Besides, isn't psychotherapist an oxymoron? I mean, how can you be psycho and a therapist?" We all had a good laugh about that, and besides I just couldn't resist the temptation.

"I think everything will work out. When Jean needs to go out, or we want to go to a movie, I will just call on her at Gamma Delta. What I like about Jean, is she is always willing to let others do things first. She never seems in a hurry."

"That's because she never was in a hurry, Paul. She waited and waited until you two were in college to tell you that she loved you. If it weren't for Kendra starting everything moving to get Jean in to Gamma Delta, I don't think things would have gotten as far as they did. But you two have been an item ever since you knew each other."

"I know, Mrs. McMillan. It never occurred to me to ask Jean why she always had to be the girl in the games we played. But I guess one of us had to, to make the game work. I mean, we never thought about doing anything sexual, but there had to be a boy and a girl, to make the game work."

"I have always liked you Paul. You were always so polite and had the manners you seldom see in young people today. I also knew my Jean had a good friend too. Well, should we shop a little more, or go home with what we have?"

"Well, it is getting late. I think we should go home, mom."

We took our purchases out to the car, and put everything in the trunk. After we were buckled in, we headed for home.