It had taken a lot of bribes, just to get hold of him. And then the surgery had cost a lot more, but for the parents, it was worth it to have their Amber back again. They knew that he would not want to replace her, which was why they had implanted a little electro-shock device into him for training purposes. As well as that, a bangle that *she* could not take off contained a GPS device so they would know where their little princess was at all times. They waited for *her* to wake so they could attach the hair extensions and tell *her* her fate.
My head was pounding...like the bender to end all benders. Where had I been? I was getting gas at that self-service place on the way home from the rock festival. A van backed in front of my car as I was pumping gas...I heard scuffling and that was the end of it. Something must've happened. I'm sitting up though...
"Wake up, Amber, wake up. You're safe now...safe, that is, as long as you play your new role. You murdered our sweet Princess...you killed her, and you thought you were only going to spend a few years in juvenile jail. Well, when we have finished with you, you will wish you were back in a cell. We have already made you look and sound like our daughter, now we will train you to act like her. Our slightly boy-crazy, girly-girl daughter. It will take time, but we have plenty of that. Soon you'll be cheerleading, going out with boys,shopping for girly things, you love that or rather she did, so will you. I'm Helen but you will call me Mummy or Mum." Helen held up a mirror so that the new *Amber* could see her new face and body.
I could barely understand what this person thought she was saying. I forced open my eyes though and saw a glimpse of a cute girl. I mean, not cute as in I wanted to date her -she looked too young for that. But perhaps cute enough that I would might have years ago.
She was sitting, hunched forward, elbows on her knees...a "eager to know you" type of pose, her hands clasped in front... Her legs were hugged in tight jeans, something sparkly near the hems. Thin, bare arms came out of a sheer pink tee with some pop star's face stretched across the front. A silver heart dangled from her neck, with a separate peace sign charm in front. I looked at her and laughed in spite of myself -- you see a dozen of these girls at the mall.
The girl laughed back. At the same time. Even in my stupor, I figured out that the girl was me. It took me a second to realize that much -- a lot had changed. My hair was a radiant blond, and feeling around my face, some bangs were cut just long enough to trouble my eyes. My eyes were a pale blue, and my lips a shiny pink, and tasting of something disgustingly sweet.
I went to stand up, but couldn't. The fishing line, so thin and pale that I hadn't seen it, was holding me fixed in that position...I couldn't even pull my hands apart. I looked up, huge silver hoop earrings batting my neck. "What the hell do you think you're doing? What is this, psycho? And who the hell is Amber? Not me, I'm Thomas. What have you done to my voice and my body?" My voice was...different, and totally feminine.
"Me? I'm Helen Robinson, the mother of Amber Robinson...until you murdered her. And so, you'll take the place of the girl you killed. Simple. You will live her life for her so that when I see you move, hear you speak, kiss you goodnight, it will be as if I had my darling of a daughter back with me again." Helen kissed *Amber's* forehead, sure that the fishing line would keep *her* from wiping the kiss away. "You look so sweet right now. You're wearing a Justin Bieber T-shirt, she was a big Justin Bieber fan and so shall you. When your father comes back from work I will demonstrate my control devices and then we will put you to bed with your hands tied around your favourite teddy bear and kiss you goodnight. When we can trust you, you can be a night owl, but not quite yet."
I feel the motherly kiss on my forehead, trying to understand what she's saying. "Listen, lady, I have no idea who this Amber kid is, but whatever twisted form of grief counseling you're getting isn't working for you. I'm not about to pretend to like this horrid, wretched excuse of a singer...and I think my legs are going numb from these jeans. But that's not important. Why don't you loosen these ties a little bit and you can tell me about Amber. She sounds like a nice kid, and I'm happy to help you catch the real killer."
I didn't like the sounds of these control devices, but my best hope was to talk her out of this. By the sounds of it, escaping won't be easy. Better to push her off this subject before the husband gets home and backs her up.
"Oh, I'll loosen your ankle ropes, I don't want to hurt your limbs." She bent down and loosened the ankle ropes a little. "But you are staying tied up until your father comes home and we can put you to bed. Have you noticed how sweet your new voice is? Just like Amber's was. Amber....she was wonderful. One of your bangles...you can't take it off and it has a tracking device in it so we will know if you try and run away." She took out what looked like a TV control from her handbag with buttons on it numbered from 1 to 12. "I'm going to test this on it's very lowest setting, it would be unfair to try it on a higher one. The highest setting is fatal and the second highest setting would knock you out, but the lowest setting is not anywhere near as bad although it will hurt." She pointed it at *Amber* and pressed the button marked 1.
My legs had a little less pressure, but I was still hunched over in a coquettish way, staring at the bangles trying to determine which one wasn't coming off. I barely paid attention to what the crazy lady was saying when I felt a sharp shock, kind of like a bad static electricity ping, hit my left thigh. I jumped as much as I could despite myself. "F--k, that hurts!"
"I'll let you off this time, but Amber never swore in front of her parents. In private maybe yes, for all we knew, but not in front of us. If you swear and me or your father hears it you get a level three times as bad as you got now." The door opened and a man who was clearly Amber's father came in and kissed *her* forehead. "Hello, Princess. I'm James, your new father. Call me Daddy or Dad.Let's get you up and into bed with your hands tied around Spirit, your favourite teddy bear." Helen untied the ankle and leg ropes and between them they took *her* into the bathroom. "Time to take off your make-up," Helen said.
I can't even swear now? If swearing will get me three times as bad as that, I'm in trouble. And James....looks like someone who could throw up a flight of stairs. No way I'm getting out while he's around. With his arms around my elbow, I wasn't going anywhere. But ... "How can I take off my makeup with my hands tied, James?"
"Call me Daddy and your new mother Mummy. Mummy will take it off for you." Helen took off the make-up with care from her new faux daughter and stood with the control ready whilst she was put into a pink nighty with little hearts all over it. Then her hands were freed and tied with fishing line around a big white fluffy teddy bear so she looked as if she was holding it tightly by choice. Then she was put to bed and her ankles tied to the bedposts. Both Helen and James kissed her cheeks. "Don't you look adorable, Princess?" A duvet was put over her.
I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say....actually, I am. "Thank you Mommy. Thank you Daddy." I tried as gently as possible to pry my hands off the bear, but nothing doing. My ankles were also not going anywhere. The duvet was huge and I felt that it buried me. Nowhere to go, at least for now...might as well get some sleep. I lay on my back and stared up...
Helen kissed her daughter's nose, slipped a sleeping mask over her ears and put earphones in her ears, and started a tape. "This will help you get used to being Amber." She and James turned the light off and left the room.
Well, I was in for the night...the ties around my legs felt pretty secure, and I wasn't letting go of "Spirit" anytime soon either. Then I heard the voice coming through the head phones. "I love lip gloss. I love makeup. I love cheering..." it went on and on, a slightly mechanical female voice always listing something new. It was monotonous and all I could focus on, essentially unable to move or to see. I was distressed that to the outside world I probably looked the picture of contentment in Amber, but I was screaming on the inside...
The next day James came in. "Good morning, Princess." He cut the bonds holding me in bed and took out the earplugs, and took the sleeping mask off. "Time to get dressed and come downstairs. I'll leave you to get dressed in private but don't try and escape, there are bars on the windows and we are on the third floor anyway." He pointed to a pile of clothing and jewelry and left the room.
I get up, stretching after being immobile all night I look toward the windows, and yep -- they're barred. I consider just staying upstairs, but realize that wouldn't be in my best interests. There are probably a couple cameras in here anyway, knowing these crazies. I'm surprised I wasn't enjoined to wash up, but I'm not going to ask too many questions. I walk over to the pile, looking for something that is at least kind of masculine.
Twenty minutes later, it appears that won't be the case. The pants are either skin tight, having something unacceptable printed across the seat, are festooned with sparkles, or some combination thereof. Instead, I choose an ankle-length white tiered skirt with sequins along the bottom, and a right sweater. The sweater is comfy, but ends strictly at the waist -- unless I constantly tug at it, my midriff shows whenever I raise my arms. Along with the one bangle sealed tightly around my wrist, I add a gaudy red beaded bracelet. Hopefully that will please Mr. and Mrs. Crazy.
I head downstairs...
Helen and James hugged me, and kissed my cheeks. Helen said "Amber, you look so adorable today. I'm going to put on your make up and then classes will start at the *Amber Academy* with us as the teachers and one pupil, you. Today you will read her diaries, watch home movies, learn the names of your family and friends, what music you like,even how to walk like a girl. It might take a long time but when we have finished Amber will live again through you. We will drill you day by day and hour by hour until our darling daughter stands before us again in all her glory, inside and out."
"Thanks, Mummy. Thanks Daddy. Am I allowed to have breakfast at least? That Amber Academy sounds like a true challenge." Better to go along with it until I have an opening to escape. "Do you think anyone would truly believe and accept that I'm Amber? That would require some thorough preparation...I could learn the superficial aspects, but all the details..."
"Of course you can, feel free to have some bread and butter and apple juice. You are right, it will need a lot of practise to learn all the multiple Amberisms that made up our daughter, it can't be done overnight. After the meal you will study her diaries first of all. She was a complex and wonderful daughter...now she is lying in our back garden next to the grave of her pet rabbit, and if you fail to take her place...you will be joining her there. Do I make myself clear?" James asked.
I'm starving, and that's the first good news I hear. The lessons sound horrible, but I can deal with that when the time comes. First things first. "Got it Dad. Do you have any bacon to go with that bread?"
"She was not a great eater of bacon,so rarely will you get any but you can have some tonight if you are good. I didn't want to let her go, you know, I kept her in her bed for two days and the freezer for three more, before your mother made me bury her in the back garden. I spent much of my free time in those days talking with her as if she was alive.Here are her diaries, start reading." He gave me two diaries with pink covers.
I take the diaries. Scratches on the front cover showed where a lock what been pried off each one. Evidently, my "Daddy" was creepy and grisly, and if he did kill me, it would probably take a long, painful time. I am starting to think "Mommy" is the only hope I have for escape. I see a stack of white lined paper, and a pink pen or two on top. "Can I...should I...take notes? And I'm guessing you've read through all these? What am I looking for?"
"Of course you can, Princess. We've looked through them, yes. You are looking for the sort of things that show our daughter's personality, the things she likes, the names of her friends, that sort of thing. We will question you on it later and you had better get it at least 80% right or the consequences will be shocking. I'll watch you as you work to keep you from running away or trying to call the police. The landline has been disconnected whilst you are down here and we have the only mobile phones in the house," Helen said, looking lovingly at *her*.
I simply nod and take my plate of bread and butter to the table, and flip open the first diary. Before I even got to finish the first page, I had a raging headache. Her handwriting was garishly large, and Amber clearly had little appreciation for even the simplest point of grammar. Her "sentences" typically consisted of several actual sentences run together, strung by "then" or "an". Not to mention navigating through the little sketches in the margins. I think the last entry was about going to play mini golf because she had a crush on the boy who worked there...and one of the boys who was going to be there...or maybe one of them going with her. I honestly wasn't sure. I tried to organize, but quickly found that I couldn'ttell which name went where. No way could I straighten this out enough to make sense of anything.
"May I ask, what kind of grades did Amber typically earn in school?"
"C's. and a B or two. You can do better at school if you want...as long as you keep your basic Amberishness that we so love about you,and that is which is keeping Daddy from dealing out a brutal revenge for the naughty thing you did that made you take Amber's place," John said. "You will be homeschooled until we can trust you to be a good girl at school and not play truant or tell the teachers or other pupils who you really are. Now it's time to watch a home movie, Princess."
My head was swimming. I still wasn't clear on Amberishness, or really much about this girl except she seemed to think every girl she met (except Lily) was her friend and every boy she met was cute. Maybe the home movie would help. I tugged down my sweater as I prepared to see Amber for the first time. "Er, Daddy, does the fact that I have nothing to do with Amber's death cause any guilt in the midst of all this?"
He scowled, took out a control from a pocket and pointed it at "Amber". "I don't want to punish you but you really got my goat with that remark, of course you did it. And sometimes a father has to be nasty to be kind." He aimed well, put his finger on the button marked "4" and pressed it.The agony.....I don't even want to describe it. It felt like...I don't know what. Surgery without anesthetic. I never lost consciousness, but it was a long time before my breathing returned to normal. "I guess not," I thought. Outside, I just smiled and said, "Sorry."
He turned on the TV. "Study this well, for how you behave is as important as how you look, if you act up I will shock you as much as needs be to have my princess back again."
The movie started with a dark pink blur...the turned out to be the upclose of Amber's sweatshirt as she tried to figure out how to turn on the camera that was already on. Finally after some mumbling, one hears, "It is? Omigod! That's embarrassing!" The girl then lightly walks into full frame, waving with her arm around another girl. "Mummy, Daddy, I promised I'd take a video while we're at(Did you mean 'camp')! We're at um.....some battle place...from the Revolutionary War.." Turned out to be Gettysburg. Anyway, after a disastrous trip into history, she started talking about the awesome time she had with her friends. At one point shushing a friend who asked about "Eric". Like her diary, the thoughts were scattered and often incorrect. After 20 minutes it mercifully ended. My first thought -- my days of using polysyllabic words were over.
"Ah yes. Does your daughter walk...differently? And can we take a break and I can catch the headlines on ESPN or something? It's hard to adjust to....to....the way Amber looked at the world."
"She walks much like you really except on the rare occasions when she runs, when she breaks into a gallop like a horse. And...yes, you can take a break,watch the headlines...she was interested in the news to an extent. She was not greatly political but she was not idiotic either. Afterwards you can watch OMG to see the latest pop news, and there is a Justin Bieber concert on as well that I'm sure you would love to see."
I smile, turning on ESPN...I wonder how my Maple Leafs are doing. When the tv focuses though, it just reads "channel blocked". I try ESPN2 -- same thing. As a matter of fact, all but a couple channels, such as E!, MTV, etc., are blocked. "Um, Daddy, what's wrong with the tv?"
He grins. "For now at least, we want you to be even more like her then she was,so we blocked all the channels except the channels our little princess watched most often. Perhaps when you are fully trained you can watch the headlines again as she did watch them at times. For now you get a steady diet of pop videos and the like, only five channels are not blocked for now. Enjoy your viewing,Amber."
I slouch down, pouting, flickering from mindlessness to mindlessness, finally settling on a rotating series of sugary pop videos. I leaf through Amber's diary again, skimming about her anxieties over her first kiss, constant sniping about Lily, and worries about whether she should wear a skirt or cute jeans to school. I tug the sweater down as my midriff once again exposes itself! I walk back to the kitchen, and look in the fridge. No soda, even diet stuff. I end up pouring a glass of water, and realize halfway done that I'm singing the pop anthem I'd just heard to myself ... "Friday, Friday, everyone loves Friday..."
I start breathing heavily, furious at my situation, at myself. How am I letting some little shock get me into this? I look in the silverware drawer for a knife...I don't know what I'd do with one if I find it. Cut this heart-charm bangle off that no doubt has the GPS to start with. Or something more drastic.
"Amber, what are you doing? Anything you could use to cut off your GPS
bangle, cut yourself or hurt others has been taken away until you can be
trusted, Princess. I want you to come to the fruit shop with me hand in
hand and we can buy some tasty fruit together, no need to wear a coat, it
is summertime and people would stare at you," Helen said, taking my hand.
"Oh, and the controller button is set on a 10 and I have it with me so
don't try and escape or call for help or you will get the shock of your
life, young lady."
With a firm grip Helen pulled me, her faux daughter,
out onto the pavement.
"Where did she come from?" I wondered. It's as if they knew my every
move. Walking down the street, I tried to silently signal with my eyes at
passersby my need for help. A younger man walked by, glancing around,
looked at me and smiled. When I turned around, I saw his eyes on my rear
end -- and I realized he was checking me out.
Smiling, looking at men wasn't going to get me help. It was going to get
me more problems.
Someone wolf-whistled and Helen rolled her eyes. "Some men are stupid.
But I can't really blame them, you are a very pretty girl." She pulled me
into a fruit shop. "What would you like me to buy for you? Grapes?
Apples? Bananas? There is plenty of choice here."
Hmm....I always liked bananas but now, I felt funny. An apparently cute
girl asking for bananas? Only trouble there. Grapes, too, kind of a fruit
associated with fertility and whatnot. What a minefield just buying fruit
had become! Okay then.. "Apples, please."
Helen gave me three pound coins. "Go up, choose some and buy them. I'll
be right behind you. Be sure to look cute whilst doing it, you like to
look cute," she said quietly so that others could not hear what she was
saying. I take the coins. Look cute? How exactly does one look cute?
Jingling them in my hand, I walk up to the cashier, a male in high
school, and put down the apples. "Could I buy these, please?"
He smiled. "Of course you can." When I had the apples Helen said, "I
think I'll get you some new clothes and jewelery, the kind that all your
friends are wearing. Oh...and you need your ears pierced as well." I
started. "Uh.....what's wrong with the clothing I already have? There is
a huge pile of it!"
"Ok then, I won't buy you new clothes if you don't want them." Helen took
me into the jewelery shop next door. "My daughter Amber here would like
to have her ears pierced."
I jump a little bit at the sudden revelation, and start tugging on
Mummy's elbow. "Mummy, I think I...uh...I changed my mind..." Helen
frowned but realised that she could neither force me nor shock me-there
were too many people around. "I understand. Let's go home." I smile a
little on the inside...she's easier to manipulate than I'd feared.
Returning home, I was ordered to a chair and started leafing through
magazines (again). I thought life would get better, until "Mom" started
quizzing me on Amber's crushes. She had so many, and they changed so
often. I ended up getting almost every question wrong. I knew I'd pay for
that...
"I'm going to make you do a youtube vidio about how much you love Justin
Bieber and what a "belibier" you are. You will wear a Justin Bieber T-
shirt, a necklace with a photo of him on it and plenty of bangles,and
your denim blue jeans and white trainers, and some soft pink lipstick on
your lips. You will tell the camara how much you adore him. Oh, and this
weekend it is your birthday, aren't you so excited about it? You are
going to look so good and have so much fun with your friends." she
says."Just like Amber would have done."
"Wait, is this because of the earring thing? Let's not get carried away.
And for my birthday, do I get my freedom back?" Inside, I'm just thinking
how can I get out a secret message....blink in morse code but i don't
know morse code....what can I do?
"Yes, it is. Those pretty ears should have a pair of gold studs set in
them by now, most girls in the West wear earrings, whatever their
politics and sexuality.And you won't get your freedom back untill you
reach the age of eighteen, that is when you are legally an adult,at
least, and maybe not ever...For now you will be my sweet, pretty, boy
crazy, Bieber-loving, princess of a daughter. You will live her life in
just the way she would have lived it, you will be a perfect double of my
daughter or you will get to know what PAIN really means. Because of you
my daughter is dead, and you don't have any idea of how much I loved her,
do you? And how much I hate it that she is decaying in my back garden.
The only way to soothe the ache in my heart is to have you playing her
role to perfection. Do you understand, faux daughter?"
Shaking a little from "Mom's" intesity, I dryly swallowed and nodded. I
went back to the bedroom and changed...I felt ridiculous with the name of
a no=talent singer emblazoned across my chest in pale pink -- with his
photo underneath! A different photo from the one that hung from my
neck.....
I went back out to the living room, and stood, hands clasped. "Is this
the look you want, Mommy?"
Helen kissed my forehead. "You look perfect. I have some cue cards. For
the next few days I will use them when you make vidios for youtube, when
you talk on the phone to your friends,when you send e-mails. We don't
want you acting oddly or trying in any way to send out a warning that you
are not the pretty daughter that everyone thinks you are, do we? I have
all your passwords and your cellphone so you can't tell anyone who you
really are, not that they would believe you if you did. In time I may
trust you enough to have your cellphone but it will cut off and send out
an alarm if you do not act as the mirror image of Amber in every single
thing you say down it. Let's get the vidio camara rolling, shall we?
Light's, camara, action." She turned the camara on, pointed it at me and
held up a cue card out of camara-shot.
I swallowed and smiled, reading off the first card. "Hi everyone! Well,
today I want to tel you all about the reasons I love, well," and here I
did something humiliating -- I lifted up the necklace to show a portrait
of Bieber. "why I love this guy."
And we were off. Oddly enough, the first few were written out word for
word, and boy were they embarrassing. "And plus, he's like super cute."
Over time though, they reduced to phrases and I found myself filling in
the words. One card merely read "cares value likes fans" and I found
myself saying "and he so cares about his fans and values us and likes
us." It was becoming natural.
Though I was snapped to reality by the last card, that I could barely
keep up my smile for -- "and my birthday is coming soon and I hope I get
tons of Bieber gear! Bye everyone!" I waved as the power on the camera
went off.
Bieber gear? And all this just because I got Amber's crushes wrong?
She took me upstairs and made her watch whilst she uploaded the
humilating vidieo onto Youtube. I was blushing with embarassment."Now we
are going to turn on your Yahoo Messenger, Amber, and you are going to
chat with your close friend Sara with your webcam turned on. I will have
one hand showing you the proper cue cards and the other holding the
controler to that shocking thing I had implanted inside you and I will be
watching you and listening to every single world you say and every
expression on your face. And I will hurt you seriously if you try
anything stupid.Do you understand
I followed "Mum" still hyper-aware of the video I'd recorded, and easily
I'd been accepted as just another girl. Was I really going to have to
endure an entire birthday party as a girl? What would that entail? I
absent-mindedly started peeling my nail polish as I entered the kitchen.
I wasn't sure I liked what I smelled."Stop picking those nails or I'll
have to repaint them for you." my new mother snapped at me.
She pressed the *1* button on the control, enough for a short sharp
shock.
I jumped a little bit from the shock. Apparently I was not even allowed
bad habits. "Well, what did your Amber do while she was bored?"
I walked into the kitchen, and saw a small bowl of pasta primavera
waiting for me. I hate that stuff -- the roasted vegetables, the
absolute lack of meat. It even smelled horrible. "This, this is her
favorite dish?" I know I'm going to have to eat it, but I'm certainly
not going to enjoy it.I knew my "father" was watching the video I
recorded -- it's going in the other room. God knows how many hits it's
going to have. God knows how I'd be punished if it doesn't get enough.
God knows if I'm even supposed to think about God. I sit down and
started eating, trying to avoid tasting the food. I think back to the
other things I've read in the diaries -- cheer practice, dance recitals,
who knows what they have planned for me tonight?
"She went online or watched TV or chatted...but we tried to stop boredom
as we wanted her to be happy. You'll love this...I'm going to take you to
your weekly cheer practise.And tomorrow it's your birthday and all your
friends are coming over."
James came in smiling. "You were so cute in that vidio."
My mouth dropped open at this. "Cheer practice? How? I don't know any
routines, any cheers, any chants! I'll so obviously be someone
different.
Look -- if you want this whole twisted thing of yours to be discovered,
please take me to cheer practice! No matter how I try, I can't fake
knowing things that I don't. I'm sure you'll blame me, but I need more
time than this to figure all this out!"I had seen some cheer wear in
Amber's closet -- clearly a big part of her life -- but I couldn't fake
it after 36 hours. Were these people crazy?
James looked at Helen. "She does have a point, you know. We can teach her
the cheers themselves...but the moves are something else.
She won't be able to do them and what if she freaks out and tries to get
us arrested? You can't shock her with so many people present, you would
be found out and we would get hard time in prison. At worst, they might
think we murdered Amber and we could get the death penalty or life
without parole for something that we didn't do. Ironicly, we can't take
her to cheer practise until we have made her practise how to cheer."
"Ok, no cheer practise. Let's put a movie on for her to watch instead and
tell the cheer practise people that she is still ill from her "accident."
Then we can put her to bed with Spirit and wrap up her birthday presents
for tomorrow."
"Mummy" and "Daddy" walked me to a chair in the living room, kitted out
with impressive surround sound and widescreen. They popped in "Triple
Dog" with the warning that there will be a quiz on it to make sure I'm
paying attention. Furthermore, to remove distractions, one of my ankles
was locked to a leg of the chair with a dainty silver lock, making sure
I could not try to get up and leave.Wrapped in Justin Bieber clothing,
watching an insipid tale that's supposed to be scary of truth or dare
gone wrong, I could only imagine what gifts were being wrapped for me.
On occasion I lifted my ankle, but the small chain held well I'm not
going anywhere.I heard the rustle of wrapping paper as gifts are wrapped
up with tape; presents that no doubt the real Amber would love and want
and be very happy and thankful to get, but that would surely be far too
girly for me to enjoy. The film was no fun and the chain held firm and
would not come lose or break.I tracked enough of the movie to talk about
as I'm sure I'll be expected to do. The movie ends, and I sat there
helplessly, a damsel in distress, trapped as the giggling and planning
from "mum" and "Dad" continue. Eventually, I drifted off to sleep...I
was woken with a soft fatherly kiss on my forehead and my leg was
unchained. "Up to bed, Princess, it'll be a big day in the morning." My
new father put me over his shoulder and took me upstairs. Soon I was in
bed in your heart nightie with my hands tied around Spirit with fishing
wire,and my ankles bound to the bed. My new parents sat on the bed next
to me.
I could barely stay awake -- was there something in my food? I used to
be a night owl, but now I was wiping out surprisingly early. I barely
felt being changed and put to bed. Shamefully, I don't protest much
while being tied down for the night...maybe I just knew what would
happen. I was vaguely worried about the party, but could not imagine
anything more humiliating than what I've already done. Then I noticed
that my parents had not left. "Is, um, is something up?"
"Yes, Princess," Helen said. "Tomorrow will be a big party, all your girl
friends and some cute male friends will be there. We expect you more then
ever to keep in role as our darling daughter. If we think we are going to
be caught and arrested because of you we will kill you by setting off
your shock-device on it's highest setting. Do you understand, darling
daughter? Oh, and we put a ground-up Ambien in your food. It's a one-off
and we won't do it again-once we can trust you we want you to be a night
owl as Amber was one, we just want you to sleep well tonight. Do you have
any questions?"
'Is something up?' I wondered. How about 'Why am I being held hostage by
two absolute crazy people?' But I could not say that...not here, not
yet.
"Ummm, just, like, what do you want of me? I mean, should be all happy
and talk to everyone, or be shy? I just don't know..."
"We want you to be happy, sweet and friendly with all the people at your
party, and to kiss them on the cheeks when you see them for the first
time, the boys as well as the girls. They and we will have so many
presents for you, Princess, and you will love the food."
I could not help but shudder. Clearly I was going to be the center of
attention. Who knows what humiliating presents were in store for me...
what ridiculous games I was going to be expected to undertake. No doubt
my pictures would be online by the end of this, and I would be locked
into this role. I drifted off to sleep, having confused dreams of camera
flashes, people singing, kissing games, loads of cosmetics, makeovers,
and the lot...
When I woke up I was being untied by James and Helen, and there were no
less then six presents at the end of my bed, of various sizes from big to
small.
They kissed my cheeks and smiled at me as if I really were their darling
daughter. "Wake up, birthday girl, you are thirteen and we have brought
you plenty of presents. Feel free to choose which to open first. Then
when they are all opened we'll get you dressed in a beautiful party dress
of golden satin with a matching ribbon in your hair, and do your make
up.You can wear your finest jewelery and your best watch and soon your
guests will start to arrive. Aren't you exited,Princess?"
I painted a smile on my face, as I knew I was expected to. "Ooh, a
dress! Awesome! Can I open at least one present now? pleeeeese?"
A smiling Dad nodded, and I snatch the smallest one wrapped in pink paper
with white ribbon. I finally pulled the ribbon off and unwraped...a
tiara.
Mummy looked at me. "I told you'd be a birthday princess, sweetie! Now
everyone will know it's your special day." I felt ridiculous sliding it
onto my head even for a moment, with the dangleing fake crystal no doubt
catching every stray ray of light.
"I'll shower and then get ready for the party, huh?"
"Good idea. When you have showered put on the bra, panties and dress and
jewelery waiting for you,and the tiara of course, and come downstairs
where the rest of the presents will be waiting for you to open, I'm sure
you'll love them." James and Helen feft me to shower and dress and took
the other presents downstairs.
I stepped out of the shower, smelling like the "Spring Rain" body wash I
had gotten too accustomed to using. I put on the strapless bra and
French-cut panties -- both virginal white.
Finally, I looked at the dress. It was surprisingly heavy, and rustled
as I maneuvered into it. The hem fell lightly, slightly above my knees.
The waist was close enough to make me look rather thin and slender, and a
bit of rouching went upward from the waist before spreading to line the
bust. There were a couple of straps, but they were rather thin. A small
rhinestone cluster sat at my center-waist. I put the tiara in front of my
ponytail, and a matching silver bracelet dangled off my wrist. Downstairs
a small pile of of presents was waiting for me on the kitchen table. My
new mother and father hugged me and kissed my cheeks. "I'm sure you will
love every moment of your sixteenth birthday, Princess," Helen said.
"Would you like to open the rest of your family presents now? Or would
you rather wait until your many, many friends turn up, some with gifts of
their own to give you? So far you have two still-wrapped gifts from us,
four from your uncles and aunts and one from your grandparents."
I sat uncomfortably in my dress. The tiara felt odd on my head and I
felt sure that it only looked ridiculous. I decided to take a chance :
"Ummm...what would Amber do?" "Oh, she would get stuck in and open her
presents, she never was one for waiting when presents were there to be
opened," Helen said.
Neither she nor her husband seemed angry at my directly asked question-
perhaps they knew that I could not help it.
Okay...um.... I decided that I might as well get the clothing over
with, so I take the flat box wrapped in pink paper. I unwrapped it,
plastering on a smile as I hear the camera operate. I opened the box and
saw that it was a series of feminine-cut shirts. At a glance I could
tell they were colorful, probably sheer enough to show off my bra. The
first one I lifted out, a robin's-egg blue, had the word "single "
emblazoned across the chest. Heaven knew what else was in there.
"Thaaanks, Mummy and Daddy..."
They smiled happily and passed me a smaller present in blue wrapping
paper. "Open this one, we're sure you'll love it, only the very best for
our birthday princess." My new father kissed my forehead lightly and I
saw love in his eyes, but not for me but for the daughter that I was
being forced to pretend to be. I took the box and opened it gingerly,
only to see a stack of bangle bracelets, every color of the rainbow. As
Mummy said "See, every color! Now you'll be able to wear them every day
with any outfit!" I could tell these were now to be part of my uniform .
A rather loud part, as well. Not quite the bell of a cat, but awfully
close...
The other presents turned out to be...a Justin Bieber T-shirt in green, a
signed Justin Bieber photograph, a Justin Beiber backstage pass, a
sparkly silver dress,a Taylor Swift poster,a new I-pod and lastly,a large
pink handbag My new parents looked at me to check that I was happy with
my new gifts. "What do you think of them, Princess?" I sat surrounded by
all this girlish silliness. How was I supposed to feel? I was an
independent man not that long ago, and now I was supposed to be happy
that I got a new dress -- one that tightens my waist? But still, I had
to bide my time.
"I'm just...uh...amazed that you found so much Justin Bieber stuff! I
mean, an autographed picture! You know how valuable that is?" I was
trying to generate tears, but nothing seemed to be coming out..."It cost
a lot but we would do anything, absolutely anything, for our beloved
daughter. Who is now you," my new father said. He kissed me on the cheek
and my new mother kissed my other cheek. "Why not get your new dress on
and get ready for all your friends who will be coming within a couple of
hours with their own presents for you?" my new mother asked, the control
in her hand and pointing at me.
I was about to object -- change into a new dress? I mean, I put on this
dress just to open presents, only to wear it for like an hour? And what
was this about friends? I saw the remote, though, and closed my mouth
and trudged upstairs to change. I slipped on some matching bangles, that
tinkeled every time I moved my wrist. The pale blue eye shadow and
glitter lip gloss made me the party girl, the center of attention.
Barely keeping a smile on, I came back downstairs... "Amber, you look so
beautiful," my new mother said. "Help me get the food one the table for
when your friends come." Just then the doorbell rang and she said "It
looks like someone has come early, let's let him or her in, and remember,
any attempt to tell him or her who you really are and I will kill you if
nesscessary. Just be the best cute,sweet, girly daughter that you can."
I walked to the door, pulse racing. I mean, it was one thing to fool
some strangers in a store. Or to go along with some crazy people. But
how was I going to fool Amber's friends? They know her laugh, how she
sits...I wasn't ready for this. I'd be found out, and "mummy" and
"daddy" would kill me.
I didn't see any choice, so I opened the door. I got a glimpse of blonde
hair and a pale blue top and jeans, and I was engulfed in a hug.My
friend, who I knew from Amber's diary as Sarah, kissed my cheeks lightly
and said "I'm sooooooo happy to see you again. I've brought you a present
to add to the many you have allready, a pack of "Boy Crazy" cards. We're
going to have a great time together." She gave me the present. She was a
pretty blonde haired blue eyed girl.
I stood there and stared at the cards, held in my manicured hands. I
could not help myself, and the words are out of my mouth before I
realized what I was saying.
"And just what the hell am I supposed to do with these?"
Her mouth drops open and my new mother slapped my face once, hard.
"Amber, I'm shocked. No swearing in this house even if it is your
sixteenth birthday and you've spent all night awake and excited." I could
tell that she wants to shock me heavily but she could not do that right
in front of Sarah and was not angry enough to kill me anyway. I mean, she
needed me to keep on playing the role of her darling daughter. I
staggered a bit from the impact. "I'm...I'm sorry Sarah. I still have
some things that aren't quite right since the accident. I forget myself.
How, uh, how do these cards work? I mean, is it a card game or what?"
"It's not the most interesting of games I admit, it's sort of like Top
Trumps but with boys. I'm sorry that I didn't get you a better present.
Let's go upstairs and talk, just you and me,"Sarah replied.
I glanced at my mother, and she nodded. I followed her upstairs. My first
thought was how cute she was -- even though under my age. That's not a
good first sign. How was I going to fool her, on my own?
The wheels were spinning in my head. Was she a plant? Was she really
Sarah?
"I just feel weird. Like I don't belong. I'm wondering if...like I got
hit real hard on the head and I've forgotten who I am. I look at these"
and glance down to the cards "and just wonder...is that all it's about?
Cute boys?"
"Yes, it is.The game I mean, not real life." She hugged me again, softly
this time. "You poor thing, that accident must have really hurt you. Do
you want to speak to one of your parents about it?" She looks out of the
window and smiled. "More of your friends are coming, and they are
bringing presents with them. You are so lucky to be so popular and have
so many friends.Let's go and see them. I hope their presents for you are
better then mine was."I knew my role well enough to smile back. "No, your
present was great. It's me that's not right right now. I hope you can
come over and we'll go through these and rank them by cuteness! But for
now, yeah, let's go downstairs."
Three more were waiting for me,two girls and a boy, each with a different
well wrapped present for me. The boy was brown haired and brown eyed and
good looking.One of the girls was dark haired, the other a plump
brunette. They greeted me with hugs and kisses and told me how great it
is to be at my party,and gave me the presents to open.
I gathered the presents and look at them in turn. "Nice crown!" said the
shorter one, pointing to my tiara. Standing there with Sarah I asked
"Should I open them now?" Seeing their excited nods, I did as told.
One of the girls gave me a selection of 10 bottles of nail polish in a
range from deep red to vibrant pink. As the boy -- Chase -- smiled at
such a girlish present, I open to peasant top that the other girl gave
me. "You'll have to do a fashion show of all your new clothing!" As for
Chase, my heart pounded as I tore off the wrapping paper only to see a
Victoria's Secret box. My mouth dropped open and I heard the girls
giggle. I opened the box to find...a fancily wrapped iTunes gift card.
"Got you!" Chase laughed, tickling me in my ribs. I instinctively giggled
and push him away...only to have a dying voice in my head say "you do
realize he'll think you're flirting with him." He planted a quick kiss on
my cheek. Nothing rude, I was in front of others including my mother
after all, and he looked at me, smiling, clearly thinking that I looked
beautiful.Perhaps he had a crush on me. We awkwardly stared at each other
a moment too long, before Sarah said "Okay then...who else is coming?"
Just then the doorbell rang. More guests.
There were more guests then I ever had friends as a male,and each had a
different and mostly girly gift for me, from DVDs of Justin Bieber vidios
and The Princess Diaries to jewelery to another I-tunes card.They all greeted
me with hugs and kisses. I frankly struggled to remember everyone's name,
and was content to smile and contribute to the conversation just enough
that I didn't stand out. Eventually Sarah said to me, "Okay birthday
girl, I bet you know what happens next!" There was a teasing note in her
voice, but a little bit of tension crackles as I'm led to a chair into
the middle of the room. I sat down in it, and was quickly blindfolded.
I could not help noticing that Mummy and Daddy are for some reason
conspicuously absent for this portion....
"Truth or dare, truth or dare," *my friends started chanting, no doubt
with smiles on their faces. I sighed nervously, not least because I knew
that Amber was a daredevil if social pride was at stake. I faked a smile.
"dare".
"I dare you to let me kiss you on the lips," Chase said.
I could feel my face flush as I heard soft "oooo's" in the room. I knew
this is crossing a new line. I knew it was beyond humiliating -- a girl
in a dress, unable to see, meekly and smilingly accepting a kiss from a
boy on "her" birthday.
I also knew it was an easy question for "Amber" to answer. "Okay."
Chase's kiss was warm and soft. He did not use his tounge for it. He took
off my blindfold and it was time for someone else to take your place in
the truth or dare game. From the way he looked at me, he clearly was in
love..He sat next to me and squeezed my hand gently.
I tried to stay relaxed as I watched my friends eat disgusting food,
reveal supposedly secret crushes, and do all manner of silliness. Chase's
grip was a bit firm for me to pull away without it becoming a scene, so I
sat there in my dress with my -- friend? boyfriend? Puzzling, I finally
figured out what to do.
"Sarah, can you come to the bathroom with me?"
"Of course." Chase let go as I and Sarah went to the bathroom together.
Once her and I were alone, she looked at me and asked "Amber, are you
allright? I know you well and I know when something is wrong,and you just
don't look as happy as you should do on your birthday." I just sighed,
angry that I was finding myself on the verge of crying. "I'm just
stressed. I mean, it's been SO hard recovering from the accident, and all
this stress is just getting to me. I mean, I'm still kinda sore and I
feel like I've been trapped in this apartment forever. I just want to go
out, you know? And plus Chase is hanging all over me and it's a 11 on the
ick meter."
"I'm sorry. Do you want to tell Chase that you're just not that into him?
I think he would take the hint, he's not the sort of boy to turn stalker.
If you don't want him, maybe he'll have me instead." She smiled. "And
then let's get all your girlfriends together and go for a girl's night
out and watch the latest movie in the Twilight series. And we will soon
have you happy and feeling like yourself again."
This girl wasn't getting the hint. Instead of letting me out of these
silly activities, her solution was to amp up my girlifcation. Had my
"parents" put her up to this? "I'm not, um, acting too weird for you to
want to hang out?"
"No. Anyway, your mother thought you weren't feeling happy and sent me up
here to find you and cheer you up. She said ever since the accident you
were not feeling like yourself and I should see how you were and make
sure that you were not left alone."
It was like a cult. They would not give me any time to think on my own.
I faked a smile."You're a super friend, Sarah. I say we go back, pig out on cake, and
have a mall day, like soon! And yah, Chase is all yours -- the boy can't spell deodorant, and can't
use it either I bet."
"I'll talk to him quietly and explain the situation so he won't bother
you again and I'll hopefully gain a boyfriend out of it. Let's go down
and get a mall trip organised." She went down with me just as the
birthday feast was starting,with jelly and crisps and all manner of
sweets and fruit and nice things but as yet, no sign of my birthday
cake.Now doubt it would be brought in soon, studded with lit candles for
me to blow out and make a secret wish when I cut the cake.I knew what my
wish would be, that was not a problem. I heard the usual mutterings in
the kitchen of a cake being lit, and pretended to follow the conversation
of two people next to me arguing over whether flip flops were still cool.
"Turn out the lights, close the curtains," Sarah said and there was a
scurry to plunge the room into darkness.
As a large chocolate cake studded with sixteen candles was brought in by
my new parents from the kitchen all my friends started singing "Happy
Birthday to you" loudly and rather raucously.As the phones were raised
and pointed at me, taking photos and videos that no doubt end up on
YouTube I smiled as best I can. Intensely wishing to get the hell out
of here someday I blew out the candles....only to have them relight to
much laughter. Chase playfully smushed the cake in my face as we eat.
and eventually the feeling of a party winding down took hold as the
plates were thrown out, and conversation trailed...One by one the guests
started going back home. "How has the party been for you?" asked
Chase,who with Sarah was the only guest who had not yet gone home.
, the garden where I
knew the real Amber lay buried and rotting in the ground, and where I
might end up joining her if I was not careful."It was....different. I
mean, nice and all that but it's been so long since I was around a lot of
people because I've been try"I hope it was everything you thought that it would be?" Outside the sun
was setting, it's dim rays lighting up the gardening to get better. I really like you Chase,
and I think you're a real nice boy, and a great friend. I guess I'm
just not ready for more than that yet, I hope you'll understand. Plus,
Sarah would kill me if I got in the way of you two getting together."
I smiled shyly. There, that should take care of him.
He nodded and seemed a little sad. "I understand, I'm just not your
type." Then he turned to Sarah. "Do you...do you have a crush on me?" She
nodded. "I do." Then she leant forward and gave him a quick light kiss on
his lips. He smiled as he saw he had a new girlfriend and I can tell he
would not be be romanticly interested in me anymore.
They left holding hands and my new parents looked happily at me. "I'm
proud of you Amber, clearly we can trust you and think about giving you a
bit more freedom. We'll still have to tie you up tonight but it won't be
that long before we stop having to do that," James said. "I do love you,"
Helen told me. "I look at you and hear you talk and think of you as
Amber."
I smiled, and even initiated a hug. While I was not not thrilled about
being tied up, my parents seemed fooled. As long as I could get them to
see me as Amber while preserving my sanity and dignity, I had a chance at
escaping this situation."Sarah was thinking we could go hang out at the
mall, like soon. Would you two be cool with that?"
"We would be perfectly happy with that; you can go with her tomorrow
afternoon with a month's worth of pocket money and your birthday money if
you want to. We'll drive you to the mall and pick you up afterwards, but
we do trust you. Let's go to bed, birthday girl. It's getting late." They
took me upstairs, lotioned me up and put me in my nightie, before tying
my ankles to the bedposts and my hands around my big white fluffy teddy
bear. They kissed my cheeks and forehead. "Goodnight, Amber. We love you.
Tomorrow....you get to be a mallrat for a few hours and out of our sight,
you have something to look forward to."
I lie in bed, sleeping only fitfully. How would I do this? Hope to see a
cop and get dental and DNA work done? Try to enlist Sarah? Would they be
listening in? Maybe I should wait and go for it at a better time.
The next day I was unbound, given a pretty silk shirt and some rather
tight jeans with sparkles on to wear, and Helen did my makeup before she
and James drove me to the mall. Sarah greeted me with a hug. "It must be
great for you to be able to get out and about again. Let's go to the CD
shop first, there's some music that I feel I really must have," she said.
"Okay." I followed her in, wincing on the inside as she looks at the
lifesize cardboard cutouts of the latest pretty boy singers and wondering
if I would start with her? Maybe it would be better to get into a rhythm
before bringing up awkward subjects. I was tempted by a display of
Metallica's anniversary stuff but realized that it was not Amber's taste.
I picked up the new Selena Gomez album instead. "What music are you
looking for exactly?"
"Taylor Swift, she's my favourite girl singer.I love her songs. Oh,and
I'll get myself a Backstreet Boys CD too. It's not often that I have the
money to go on a shopping spree like this.Then if it's ok I want to buy a
new handbag and some new shoes."
"Sure....I'm just glad to be out of the house. And hanging with you. Did
Chase call you last night?"
"Yes, he did, he and I are now boyfriend and girlfriend, sort of. He's a
really nice boy and would have been a good boyfriend for you...except
he's just not your type. What kind of boy do you most like? Maybe I can
play matchmaker for you?"
Maybe this was my opportunity to have the Conversation. But it was best
to feel her out first. "Well, I don't know how much my parents think
about me going out boy hunting. They can be kind of...active in making
sure I'm the girl they want me to be. Ever notice that?"
"Yes, they do seem a bit strict to you, and I don't know why. Maybe you
did something stupid or they think you did. Or maybe they're just being
overprotective. If I'm out late my parents tell me off, but they don't
mind if my brother goes out late without telling them." She looked at me.
"Do they have any reason to act like they do?"
Well..." go easy here...easy... "I just think I'm not the girl they want
me to be, and they feel they can do anything to make me that way." I
tryed to level her with a look that screamed more under the surface.
"Anything."
"So you think they are being too bossy towards you? What sort of girl do
they want you to be? And what do you mean by anything? You can tell me,
I'm your best friend and won't tell anyone your secrets."
"Well, they're bossy yeah. But...." I sniffled a bit. I decided to see if
Sarah would get me to the cops, and I could explain things more to them.
"...sometimes they're just....." I rubbed my thigh where the shocker was
implanted. "..nevermind. I don't want to get in trouble."
"They....do they beat you? Or worse? If it's something small, then it's a
family matter and not worth getting the police involved and destroying
your family over.But if you are being seriously beaten or abused...give
me one example of what's being done and if it's bad enough you can stay
at my house for now and we'll get the police involved."
My heart was pounding...I didn't even have to fake the quiver. My lip
trembled a bit. "Well, remember the 'accident' that injured me and kept
me out of school for so long. Well...it wasn't an accident." I tryed hard
to get a couple tears to flow. My voice dropped to a whisper. "It was
Daddy."
Sarah's eyes widened in horror. "What....what did he do to you? And why?
Even if you did do something stupid, that is no excuse for what I think
he might have done to you." She pulled out her phone. "Give me the OK and
I'll call the police. But before I call them...what did he do? Was it
violence or sexual abuse?" She was horrified at what she thought could
have happened to her best friend.
I shook my head quietly. "I...I love you Sarah, but I'm not ready to talk
about it...please, just please help me?"
"Right..." She dialed the police and told them that her best friend was
hurt by her parents and then dialed her mother's number as well and told
her what had happened and the state that her best friend was in.I gave
Sarah a hug and smile. Perhaps the road was open before me now. "What
happens now? I mean, if my parents find out the cops were called they'll
try to kill me. I'm not even lying..."
Sarah looked at me. "Do you mean kill you as in shout at you or kill you
as in...kill you? Because if that's the case then you can stay with me at
my parent's house until the police have dealt with the problem. We are
like sisters, you and I. If your parents are arrested because they have
hurt you,what other relitives do you know well?"
I made a show of frowning. "Well, I have an aunt who lives down in Texas.
But I swear if I go back home I'll end up on the news, and not in a good
way. I just need to talk to the cops...they'll know what to do."
Hopefully, they would know how to perform a simple DNA test...
It was not long before two police officers arrive. "Ami, please can you
tell us what happened to you? You can come to our car and tell us in
private. We promise you that we'll take it seriously."