My name is Jeff but for years, now and then, I get these compulsions to see myself as a girl. It has become an ongoing tension between me and my parents that was supposed to be a thing of the past. It was now two weeks before school let out for Christmas break, and I have an urge to be sick at school. I work myself up to be sick so I could get sent home from school. Weeks ago, I found some clothes a neighbor girl was throwing out and I had taken them. It was without anyone knowing but I not yet had a chance to try them on.

It is 10:30 when I am finally sent home from school. My regular clothes were coming off as I was closing the door behind me. I retrieved a box pushed way back under my bed and pulled out a light blue skirt and a pink print blouse. I searched and found a pair of panties and a trainer bra. It was not the ideal outfit but they're special to me because they are now mine. I quickly changed; I even got a pair of my mom’s pantyhose to put on. I took them out of the laundry so she would not miss them. I'm sitting at her vanity and using some of her make-up when I hear someone in the house. I turned around to find my mother entering her room. She is surprised, but seemingly not as surprised as I am. “Mom, what are you doing Home?” I quickly apologized and made excuses for what I was doing.

“Mom please let me out of the room and I will quickly change and I promise I won’t do it ever again.”

“Stand up and don’t try to go anyplace… Now come with me and we will talk young lady.”

“Mom, I am not a young lady and I am sorry. I promise…”

“Aren’t you getting ready for crossover day?”

“How did you know about Crossover day?”

“So you were planning to dress up and go to school as a girl on Wednesday?”

“What made you think that?”

“Well, the note you brought home from school last week for one and you being dressed as a girl now young lady.”

“Mom, could you stop calling me a young lady? The only note I brought home last week was in that envelop I had to give you when I got in trouble at school.”

That note did not tell me you were in trouble again at school. It was about this Crossover Day and when we talked, you said you and Marie were going to do something in support of Eddy. I asked what, but you said I didn’t need to worry about it that Marie was going to help you. So now tell me about this trouble you got into.”

“Mom, it was the usual of being pushed around and agitated but it was me who was caught for pushing back.”

“So is Marie helping you for Crossover day?”

“I guess mom we are working together!”

“Well in light of what I see you could use some help. I am not sure you know what you are doing, but I doubt if you want your mother to be the one who helps you dress Wednesday. Did you get those clothes from Marie?”

I didn’t want to tell her the full truth so simply I said yes. “Mom is it okay if I get changed now?”

“Actually no, you can stay like that and we will get some lunch.”

“But Mom, you don’t want to see me like this, and what if Dad comes home?”

“You’re right, I didn’t want to see you like this, but I don’t mind having a girl around for a little bit. Regarding your father, if he comes home he might as well have the same shock I did. You are lucky. If you were younger you would probably be spanked for doing something like this.”

Mom led me out to the kitchen and directed me to get out the stuff and help make sandwiches. She went back to her room and got me a pair of sandals to wear. I put on the sandals and mom smiled. Then she wrapped an apron over my head and around my body tying it.

When we were finished eating mom asks to see my hands and began to give them a manicure. It had been a year since she had done them and she always does a more thorough job than I do. I thought we were finished but she told me to wait. When she came back she had three bottles of nail polish and asks me which color I preferred. I told her none but she said “That is not an acceptable answer.”

Finally, I said, “On a girl, the rose-pink would be nice.” Mom opens the jar and takes one hand. Once she had my hand I knew better than to pull it away. I said “No.” But she went ahead anyway. She's doing a very nice job, even I liked the look, but I knew enough to protest that it is on me.

She then brushed out my hair to make it look more feminine in appearance. She's pleased and asks me what I am going to do with my hair come Wednesday. I told her I didn’t know that I was considering backing out. Mom suggests I should talk to Marie and Eddy before I change anything. Since I didn’t have anything set up I agreed.

It is now an hour before school lets out and mom suggests I go with her in the car before school is out. I shared I am not comfortable going out dressed like I was. She says, “You need to get used to it and that it's not really a suggestion.” With that, she opened the door and pushed me toward the car.

I got in the car but said I am not going out in public. She said, “If we hurry we can be on our way and back before school is out.” I could not believe that she drove to Sears about twenty minutes away and has me out of the car and walking into the store. We walked into the women’s section and I am praying it would be a matter of grabbing something and getting back out. My prayer was not answered in the affirmative. She tells a saleswoman, “I am helping my son get some underwear and pantyhose for crossover day.”

The woman did not look too happy but she quickly regains her composure, “Yes, I can help you. You do look, nice young lady.”

Mom looks at me saying, “Well, what do you say to her about that compliment?”

“Thank you. But Mom!”

The saleswoman asked if I want pastels or prints, cotton or nylon, regular briefs, bikini style, or high cut.

I am slow in answering and was going to say I don’t care, but knew that would get criticism from my mom. I did not want an episode to draw attention. “Pastels would be nice, but I’m not sure about the style or the other thing.”

Mom replied, “Satin briefs if you have them.”

The saleswoman asked if we want one, three, or a six-pack.

I slowly and quietly said, “One.” Then mom spoke up saying, “We might as well get the six as well as some pantyhose.”

The woman asks my height and weight and then grabbed three different shades of pantyhose and asks which ones we want. Mom replies that one of each would be fine. We bought the items and are on our way out when we passed by the cosmetic jewelry. Mom pauses and asks if I had any earrings. While she's looking through them another salesperson came over to help.

Mom told her what we were doing. She drew my mom away from the first display of jewelry saying, “That is for younger girls. If you don’t mind paying just a bit more here is a nice set of earrings, necklace, and bracelet on sale.” She pulls out three different styles. She took one set of earrings and place one up by my right ear. “What do you think?”

I quickly spoke up saying, “They are nice but much too expensive and they are too much for one day at school.”

Mom shares, “As long as she thinks they are very nice we will get them, I suspect she will wear them more often.” The saleswoman shares she could pierce my ears, even as a boy that would be acceptable and we have a nice set.

Mom asks me to be seated, which I did not understand to mean I would have my ears pierced. The woman says she would be right back. When she came with the equipment to put in the earrings, I spoke up. Mom said it's too late. The woman said I'm lucky to have an understanding and supportive mother.

I spoke up and shared I was dressing like this in support of a friend. The saleswoman looked at my mother who told her I had dressed. She said, “While the combination is okay, you should at least look at the sales items and see if there are things that coordinated a bit better.”

“I wouldn’t have any idea of what was better and I am satisfied with what I have.”

Mom spoke up and asks the young saleswoman, “Do you think you could help us?”

The woman asks me to hold still as she pierces and sets two earrings in each ear. She took me by the hand and we were back in the young women’s section. She's going through the clearance items but saw me look at an outfit on display. “Good choice, they are not clearance items but they are on sale. What size are you a 6 or eight.”

While I'm not very big I do not know women’s sizes. She hands me a set and asked me to try them on. I said, “It would be uncomfortable for me to try them on in the boys’ changing room is a distance away.”

“No, you will need to use the women’s dressing room. I will stand guard outside the first changing room and if you need help, your mother can do that.” I balked saying it was not a good idea. But Mom pushed me and handed me the clothes.

I went into the changing room and tried on the outfit and while it looks nice, I thought the skirt is too short. The saleswoman asked me to step out for them to see. Mom insisted I step out and they like what they see. I continued to complain. The saleswoman said there is another skirt, but it is shorter. “You know, if you are dressing up for a friend, you might as well be sensitized to how a woman feels every day.”

“Touché,” replied my mother. “We can either get this outfit or stand here and argue, but I thought you wanted to be out of here when school got out.”

The saleswoman smiled and said, “I will take a guess it is a sale then. As nice as you look, you don’t need to worry about others, I think you make a convincing young woman.”

I thanked her for the compliment, as my mom nudged me and we got into a discussion as things are rung up. She has a cousin who crossdressed but she said he went through years of grief and teasing. She wished me luck and asked me to come back. As we were leaving, she asks if my brothers were supportive and nice to me.

I had not told her I had brothers. “I recognized your mother from being with Roger, so I am guessing you are the youngest brother.” She hugged me and shared it would be our secret, but she did hope to see me back.

Some young shoppers were showing up at the store. As a younger girl was passing by she said, “Look Mummy isn’t she a pretty girl for a boy.” My mom took my hand and whisked me to the car. She smiles, did you realize that girl was not aghast at seeing you but saw you as a boy who makes a pretty girl.

Mom asks me if I had Marie’s phone number and then asked me to call her. I was sure Marie would still be at school with activities and unable to answer her phone. I called but when Marie answered and I said hello, Mom took the phone from my hand. “Marie, it’s Jeff’s mom and I wanted to share I got her a new skirt outfit for Wednesday, what I wanted to know was if you had any idea of what to do to make her hair more like a girl’s.”

Marie asked who, she, was? Mom apologized and shared she was Mrs. G, Jeff’s mom. Marie giggled and asked if she could call us when we got home. I was totally embarrassed and just thankful that Marie had not yet told on me. She had quickly guessed I had been caught cross-dressing.

I did not know but Marie had already guessed that I had dressed in girl’s clothes. She called me an hour later, and when I asked where she was she said downstairs talking to my mother about Wednesday. When I got to the kitchen she laughed as I was still in her old skirt and blouse. Mom had not allowed me to change my clothes.

“Oh, Jeff I didn’t realize we wore the same size… I told your mom that my mother had said you could stay over tomorrow so you could be up early and we help you get dressed on time. My mom has a wig we could use for the day.”

I was taken aback by all that was happening but was very accepting. Even when dad came home, while there was a small explosion, he quickly changed. I could tell he was not happy in seeing me as a girl, but he was actually strong in his acceptance. He, in fact, insisted that I go to school tomorrow, Tuesday, dressed as a girl.

Marie was going to let me wear a pair of her jeans and a blouse. My father insisted that the outfit be very feminine and girl-like. He preferred a skirt, and insisted on make-up and a bra as well as doing my hair in some fashion. I insisted everyone understood that I was doing this in support of Eddy.

Marie went home and came back with a culottes’ jean skirt and a lace embroidered blouse called a camisole, a white blouse to go over it, and a bra. It made for a sharp outfit on Marie. Marie also brought back a fall that she often wore. Our hair colors were both dark and nearly the same shade of brown; so with a hair wide band it actually worked quite well.

Mom woke me up 45 minutes earlier in the morning. By the time I was dressed and to begin my make-up I got a call from Marie. She knew my mother was waking me up early. She asked me how the girl regiment was going. She also encouraged me to remember my outfit for the following day.

I was progressing along fine, but I actually started to become sick, Mom said I was having a small panic attack as I saw a boy in a girl’s clothing. Mom quickly nixed the idea that I would be sick and staying home. She used a comb on the front of my hair, took a pair of scissors and cut my hair, and brushed it giving me the appearance of sweeping bangs.

She pulled a few eyebrows and worked on my make-up. The next time I looked a strange girl was looking back. When I went to eat breakfast I was hassled by my brothers, my mom spoke up and told them to take it easy, but she did not tell them to stop.

Dad chimed in on his way out to work. He too shared that his youngest looked a mixture of plain Jane and a pansy boy, suggesting to my mom I needed a bit more make-up. Mom told me to redo my lips after breakfast and to put on some light eye shadow.

I did as I was told and was ready when Marie and Sandy came to pick me up. Marie lightly laughed and Sandy smiled as they saw me. Marie asked my mom if they could help me with my make-up and being a girl a little. I spoke up that they should be asking me, but my mom spoke up and said yes.
She told me as I left I needed to get my Christmas wish list in.

Marie took me by the hand and we scooted out to the car. I was called back out when I jumped into the car. Marie said, “Culottes or skirts the rules were the same; you don’t act as a boy or a girl who does not care.” I had to get out and do it right.

My brothers teased me, and my mother looked on with a smile.

Sandy and Marie did almost all of the talking though much of it was directed at or about me. Sandy asked how long I had been dressing in girl clothes.

I told her I was just doing it for Eddy but Marie told her I had taken some of her clothes that she tried to throw out. Sandy said, “Unless your mother dressed and did everything, it looks like you have had done it before. So what interests you in girl clothes?”

“I am not interested in girl clothes Marie and Mom are the ones making this a big deal.”

“Is that why you have a new outfit for tomorrow and you are dressing as a girl today?”

When we got to school I quickly became really scared and said I need to go home and change. “Your Mom expected this and shared, she and your dad said you needed to go through with it. I will help you as much as I can. I think Eddy will help you but he is not sure if his support would be helpful or make things worse.

Walking into school on a scale of 1 to 10 was a 2 and falling, but when we separated ways I quickly stuck out like a sore thumb. Besides getting heckled I was pushed or bumped into my locker several times. Losing my balance and falling brought laughter from many. Though one girl and then another came to help me.

A girl named Gail in homeroom said I needed to fix my make-up. The homeroom teacher quickly spoke up and told me to go to the girls’ room and do the same. She lightly smiled, when I said, “I don’t think I can.” She took Gail and me out to the hallway and told me to quickly fix my make-up there. Even though it was not crossover day, the teacher did not give me any trouble.

I focused on my classes to avoid the side comments that were being said. Two teachers complimented my classroom behavior was much better and jokingly suggested I continue if that would be the result. I even had two quizzes and found them easier to concentrate on. Many of my regular friends said hello but most backed-off from doing anything with me.

Ed was the one exception. He asked about my ears being pierced and what I liked most about being a girl. I told him it was like one accident after another that snowballed going downhill. He said I looked like a pretty snowball. I surprised myself thanking him for the compliment. We even talked about how girls had it nicer than guys.

He asked me if I would ever go out dressed like a girl. He smiled when I told him I already had been shopping with my Mom. “That is neat, I hope you enjoyed it. But I meant would you ever go out with a boy as a girl.”

“I don’t think I will ever have to worry about some guy asking me out.”

I blushed when he said he would, and if you look any better I think there might even be a few other boys who would ask you.”

“I take that as an unwanted compliment” and then I got quiet.

“What is your girl name?”

“I thought about Jessica, it would be two “s” instead of “f”.”

“So you have thought as a girl. I am glad you are doing this for me, but admit it you are also doing it for yourself.”

“Don’t go there Eddy, I am doing it for you period.”

We were going down the hall when I got knocked hard into the lockers, then again and finally someone punched me in the face. Ed said I was bleeding a bit, which strangely was a relief. I needed to go to the restroom but thought I couldn’t, this would give me an excuse for going to the nurse’s office and using the restroom there.

Nurse Hansen was a friend of the family and she had mixed emotions about seeing me. “Jeff… what am I to call you?”

“Jeff is fine.”

“Tell me your girl name if you have one.”

“Jess or Jessica, but please just call me Jeff today.”

“So Jess what happened and where are you hurt?”

“I got knocked into a set of lockers twice and then punched and I am not sure who did it. You can see my cut… I need to go to the restroom.”

“If that is why you came in you can sit there five minutes.”

“But what if I can’t wait five minutes?”

“You will probably wet your panties,” she whispered and smiled.

“Now where else did you get hurt?”

“If you need to know I hit the lockers with my hip and shoulder, but I don’t think either was bad.”

“How do you like being on the short end of a girl problem?”

“I don’t and I don’t hit girls or guys like this.”

“I know you have been taught better, but I have also seen some innocent people hurt by the trouble you get yourself into. Now behind the screen and I want to check your hip and shoulder just as a precaution.”

“You’re not doing it to humble me a little.”

She smiled, “No that is just an added benefit then… You look okay, I suggest you use the restroom and check your make-up before getting back to class after you help with a few items. I hope tomorrow will be the last of this if you can.” I went back to class.

Marie was in my last class, she passed me a note saying, “If they thought you too girly today what will they think tomorrow?” A second note came from Sandy, “Nice job on touching up your make-up and hair.” I smiled as I thought it was a nice compliment coming from a girl who is good at both.

When school was over I knew had a few guys waiting for me at the exit to the parking lot. Marie suggested I let them get the car and we would use the northeast exit. That worked fine, but Sandy stopped at a store suggesting we go and get something to drink. I said no but they were already on their way inside.

I got practice trying to keep my composure while blushing big time. Sandy took us to Marie’s and Mrs. Ford welcomed me warmly. “You can go and change into what you are wearing tomorrow, I hear you are really cute in it.”

“The outfit might be cute but not on me.”

“That is why we are checking it out tonight. You should be looking even more like a girl tomorrow. Though I am impressed with how good you already look… I suspect that is one of the things that upset the boys.”

“I don’t think it was how good I looked, just being dressed as a girl was enough, but there is no good excuse for a guy to get away with that anyway.”

“I agree with you there, but did you ever say that before you saw someone else get knocked around?”

“Maybe not as much as I should have, but yes, I don’t like others being bullied.”

“Mom, I remember sometimes he was on the short end for defending someone. I have not always spoken up as quickly as he has.”

Sandy “Yeah, I remember once in fifth grade he came to my rescue and really let a bigger kid have it. I never believed I would see that dynamo in skirts.”

Mrs. Ford told me, “Go get changed and do not listen to all the nice things being said.” I balked at the idea but Mrs. Ford strongly said she was not kidding and I was to get to it. I went and changed, including wearing my new panties and one of Marie’s old bras.

Before I dressed Marie told me “Take a shower and shave your legs and shampoo and condition my hair.” I did as she told me and while my legs weren’t very hairy I was pleasantly surprised by how nice my legs felt afterward. The pantyhose and skirt felt especially nice as I put them on.

Marie and Sandy kept pestering me to see me in the outfit. I told them I was dressed but not ready to come out so they came in to see me. I was embarrassed but they were overjoyed to see me. Sandy helped me to put my hair up in a ponytail as I already wore it long for a guy.

Marie found me a pair of shoes to wear. The shoes had a two-inch heel which was acceptable for school. Mrs. Ford was very nice when she saw me, but I was not ready to be seen by her husband and two younger daughters. The youngest spoke up, “Mommy, are you going to make her into being a pretty girl?”

We were put to work setting the table. The others had to go wash but I stayed behind with Mrs. Ford to help with the meal. We had a good dinner and I was fairly relaxed by the end of the meal. Mr. Ford cleaned up the table and got their younger girls ready for bed. Sandy and Marie did the dishes.

Mrs. Ford took me to her bathroom to work on make-up. She had me cleanse my face and then focused on showing me how to use a concealer, foundation and then lightly did my make-up. She said we would use a bit more in the morning; she just wanted to show me how nice I could look and gain a little confidence before I slept.

They kept me away from mirrors as they marveled at my transformation. They were almost done as Marie was sent to get the wig. The was wig was with dark hair and not the dirty-blonde that Marie had said the day before, and more typical for high school instead of style Mrs. Ford might wear. Mrs. Ford put it in place, pinned it on, and brushed it out. It felt nice to feel longer hair down the back of my neck and being brushed and combed into place.

Their youngest girl was so excited and complimenting the beautiful job her mother was doing. Mrs. Ford asked her to be quiet, “But Mommy she should be excited about being such a pretty girl.” I thought she was being very nice, but I did not really believe her enthusiasm. They had me close my eyes as they walked me over to a mirror. “Open your eyes Jessie, and tell us what you see.”

“Oh my God, there’s a beautiful girl there!” My knees started to go out as someone caught me. Then I needed to run for the bathroom before I peed. It was embarrassing as Marie led me in, turned me around and undid the button, and started the zipper. I was pulling things down as she went out and shut the door behind her.

“I guess she is happy with how she looks,” I heard her mom say. I was nervous, having hoped I put myself back together properly.

“O she is very much a girl isn’t she.” I wasn’t sure exactly what that meant. “Knees together when you are sitting and sit up straight please,” she said. I did as she asked. Mrs. Ford took several pictures. Mrs. Ford and Marie took turns holding me as I was getting used to heels. They were encouraging me on how good I should feel going into tomorrow. They kept me dressed up, walking around and sitting for well over another 30 minutes.

Marie was sent to run a bubble bath for me. I complained that bubble baths were for girls and the others laughed. When I took the bubble bath I enjoyed being a girl. Mrs. Ford came in to visit with me when I was ready for bed. I asked where I was sleeping. She shared if it is safe; she would have me sleep in the extra bed in Marie’s room.

Unfortunately, it was safe as Marie was one of my best friends, I saw Marie like a sister. I would have been interested in dating her but I saw her as far too pretty, special, and out of my class when it came to dating. I didn’t think I would be allowed to sleep in Marie’s room as I was still all boy. Well, maybe not all boy.

I was in a set of teddy bear pajamas and told I made a good girl. She tucked me in while Marie was still in the shower. I was tickled as it had been since I was a little boy that I remembered being tucked into bed. I was almost asleep when Marie came back into the room, forgetting I was there.

She drying her hair with a large towel wrapped around her chest. The towel was a good size but not fully covering everything it needed to, but it did not make a difference as she let it loosen and fall to the floor. I was shocked and instead of turning my head, I was like a deer caught in the headlights.

Marie had fun as she recovered, dried herself off, and put on a nice red satin pair of pajamas. I had to quickly get up and run to the bathroom as I was so nervous once again.

I was back in bed when Marie came over and put a clear lip gloss on me to keep my lips nice and soft. I told her I wanted to go out and sleep on the couch before I got into trouble. Marie told me I would be forced to tell what happened if I tried sleeping on the couch now. It was after 12:30 when I had fallen asleep.

Marie scooted into my bed, held me, and asked me to talk about what I was doing and how long I had been like this. I tried to make excuses but she did away with one after the other. “Jeff, you were wearing clothes I was giving away and left to be picked up. Tonight, you put on some make-up contrary to mom’s instruction, yet you looked very good. You have been doing it for awhile… Your mom told my mom, your parents are following the directions of a counselor. He said you need to learn to live with the consequences even if that means embarrassing yourself or getting in trouble.”

“My Mom has a friend as well as a distant relative who are transgender people in different ways, as well as co-workers who are gay or lesbian. She doesn’t believe your parents have been given good counsel on how to respond to you,” Marie said.

“Marie, I am not gay. I…” I started to cry. We talked for a while, but I fell asleep.”

Mrs. Ford found us together when she came to get us up. Marie quickly explained our conversation and my falling asleep on her. Luckily Mrs. Ford knew Marie was telling the truth. We were quickly sent into action in getting prepared for the day. I was dressed and went to eat breakfast before doing my make-up.

“Mrs. Ford, is it true that you have a distant member hassled as she went through life as a Transgender (TG) person?

She told me, yes, but we didn’t have time to get into a discussion.

Today when we got to school, Sandy and Marie followed Jess all the way to her locker. I walked with Marie back to her locker and then continued to homeroom.

Two classmates had recognized Jessie as Jeff and found themselves talking to me as one of the girls. One was about ready to ask Jessie out when she saw Eddy come up and begin to talk with him. Jess made it to the end of her third class before she was called down to the principal’s office.

Jeff, you failed to register yourself to attend the school contrary to school policy both yesterday and today. I said part of today’s event indicates that for some that policy is arbitrary and discriminated against them.

“Your case has more merit if you are willing to acknowledge that you are gay and that you choose this as an optional form of dress for the remainder of the school year,” said the Principal.

I am not gay but I do acknowledge I am doing it to stand up for Eddy and others.

That is not recognized as an excuse for not abiding by the rules and without the permission slip of your parents find you guilty of breaking two code violations as well as not having registered for today’s action as requested by the school. You face two days of detention and two days of suspension. Your parents have asked for the school’s forgiveness and understanding and the discipline to be dropped if you would change back into proper attire and agree not to break school policy in the future.”

“I am sorry but to do so would belittle this day. You might not like it, but the school board approved it!” I ate lunch with Marie, Sandy, and Eddy. Ed shared that my cross-dressing yesterday made it easier for some students to accept today.

More than a few people had warmed to Eddy and some of the other TG students. I hear a few new dates were even being made. A basketball player asked me if I would go out with her, with the one requirement for her was that I went as Jessie. I actually had another good day with classwork. There were other teachers and students making threats and not happy to see more students acting like me today. This issue could get a bit bigger if you want to cause us trouble.

Oddly Jessie was reading and speaking better than Jeff. Once during school and then immediately after Marie called “Jeff” to get my attention but it was not until she called me “Jess” that I responded. In the last class when I handed in a paper I was called up to the teacher and she challenged the paper I turned in saying it was not mine.

It was then noticed that we noticed Jessie had her own handwriting. She gave me a note I was to take and share with the school nurse. Nurse Hansen shook her head muttering it was not good. Seemingly she knew something I didn’t. She said, “Your father will see to it that it is not a concern in the future.” I was sent back to class to finish school for the day.

Some other students complimented me for at least looking like a girl. Several girls got into conversations with me about how nice my skirt and top were. They liked asking questions if I would go shopping with them or how I went to the bathroom. During my second-period class, a group of girls were talking with me and were even asking if I would go out on a group date if they got me a guy.

I said, “That is not funny and there weren’t any nice guys who would go out with me.”

“So you would go out if we lined up a date with a nice guy?”

Girls throughout the day found one excuse or another for touching the fabric of my clothes and lifting the hem. What I didn’t enjoy was being told because I looked more natural, I was more acceptable than others. They said they did not believe in hitting or beating up TG people but that most were kind of asking for it.

I disagreed, “Eddy and others have much more courage in being themselves than I do.”

Marie and Sandy gave me a ride home, but we went by the way of Kohls. I knew better than to buy anything, but the cosmetic lady was gracious to give each of us a light makeover. Several other girls from school had come searching us out. We went to an ice cream shop on the way home. Four of the five girls bought one cosmetic item I should have.

Several workers including our waitress figured out it was me. The waitress shared she was happy but surprised that my parents would let me do this. When I told her they bought the outfit she was really surprised.

Marie and Sandy wanted to stop for a while but my mom encouraged them not to as Jeff needed to get back to being himself. Marie asked if I was in trouble. Mom responded it would be what I made it. I went and changed and mom asked me to collect my girl's things and to place them in a trash bag. I intended to go back as Jeff, but I was leery and upset about what would happen with my girl stuff.

I had my jeans and a shirt on and was back out doing my chores. I felt odd and missed having a skirt and my girl clothes on but knew I would get over it. I did go back to my room and put on a pair of panties and a set of earrings. My brothers gave me just a bit of grief saying it had been embarrassing to have a sissy sister all of a sudden. We got in a few arguments, not the least was about me being a sissy. The truth was my family was usually very open-minded but I guess that was as long as it didn’t get too close to home and family.

Dad was no sooner home and I was being told I had my taste and now that stage of my life was to be over and done. Dad told me to get all my stuff and it would be thrown out. I got mad but kept my cool and asked if we could put it out for Goodwill or Salvation Army.

Dad said I could bag it up separately and if it got collected fine but it was all to go. I had everything bagged up by 7:00 p.m. Dad asked if that was all and then called me a liar as I still had earrings on. I apologized but Dad was set on everything being thrown out. Luckily I had double bagged my stuff as he was putting my bags into larger bags of garbage just to crush my girl spirit.

He mentioned a doctor we had gone to who said I needed to be forced to get over it. I pleaded with my mom to intervene to get my dad to be a little fairer. Mom hugged me but said we needed to do as my Dad said.

Suddenly I snapped and said “You know it is that Doctor who lied and my thoughts and feelings have always come back. The Fords and others know and you can’t take my friends away from me.”

Dad snapped back, “You and Marie are not to be together until this is over and if need be you will not be part of things when we are together! Do you understand? Mrs. Ford knew this is your last hooray and that it is to be over.”

“She would not agree with that!”

Mom said, “She doesn’t have to agree but she is willing to do as we ask. She and Marie will get over it, now so do you.”

I was getting more upset and losing my temper at the moment. I remembered a dress that I hid away. I ran off found the dress and changed. When Mom checked on me she was dismayed and called my Dad. My Dad said maybe it was just as well, maybe it was Jessie and not Jeff that needed to be punished. My dad pulled me over to him sat down, raised the skirt of the dress, and gave me a good spanking.

Dad told me to get to bed before I got into more trouble. I went to bed but waited only for my parents to leave me alone and to do other things. It was 10:30 when I snuck out my window and collected my girl clothes and took them over to the Fords. I asked Marie to hide and save them for me. It was an hour later and I saw a police car at my home. I knew I was in trouble but I neither wanted to be caught dressed like a girl or to be in trouble again with my father. I stayed in the neighborhood close enough to see but not be seen. But it was getting colder and I did not have enough clothes. I stopped at a convenience store for a hot chocolate, and was gone and away just before a police car came and stopped.

I checked the nearby churches to discover all were locked, but I knew the train station had a waiting area that would be open and heated.

I had a change of clothes so I could go to school. I did not want to get in trouble for skipping school as well. I was called to the office at 11:00 a.m.

The police came there and my parents soon after that. I was told I needed to change now and go home after school. If the police came after me I would find myself in juvenile court. Mom had asked me for my Christmas list, but both my parents became angry when I listed a doll and make-up kit and girl clothes. I said I knew I was not getting them, but they needed to respect my own beliefs.

One of my brothers was teasing me and we got in a fight, but only I was chided. Dad was told by the advising doctor to do anything that secured my male identity. So my dad was taking me to the barbers, getting a regular haircut would not a surprise.

When my dad requested a butch hair cut, I quickly bolted out of the seat. I was next to the door when I stopped and requested a change of haircuts. Instead of giving any ground, my dad said I needed to get back in the chair and not get in more trouble. My brother mocked me and said, “Say good-bye to the sissy.”

I said “No.” I pushed my brother as he came for me I bolted out of the door and down the street. My brother is usually faster, but he was surprised and not ready to run after me. I quickly ran over to another block, and then made my way to various hiding places.

I knew I was in big trouble this time and I quickly called Marie to ask if she or Sandy could give me a little money as I needed to be running and did not want to get in trouble for stealing. I would make my way to the Ford’s and Marie would have dropped her coat out the window with as much money as she could find. She had busted into her bank, I could tell by the fact the dollars were squished and there was a lot of change. She had thrown out a book bag with three skirt outfits and a note suggesting I stay in the top of their garage tonight.

I figured people would be looking for a boy trying to get lost in NYC, but I knew that was way too risky as well as much more expensive. I caught a ride to Somerville and made my way to Flemington by the next evening. I was eating at a diner when I noticed a police officer looking my way. He came over and asked me my name and we talked.

He sat back down finished his coffee and left. While I was finishing eating two State Troopers came in, one a woman officer. As I was going out the woman called to me 'Jessie’. When I turned she knew she had made me and asked me to stand still, please. I panicked and started to run outside.

They were in pursuit and when ran I twisted my ankle and hit my hip falling as I tried to run from them. The woman officer was on me just lightly holding me down. “Jessie, it is over, please do not make it worse on yourself.” She asked me if I was hurt and then checked my ankle.

“Do you think you can ride with me to the hospital or do we need to cuff you and go directly to jail?” The injuries landed me in the hospital instead of a juvenile detention center. She asked if I was in fact the runaway Jessica Green. She thanked me when I acknowledge I was. By morning I was also in for a seventy-two-hour psyche evaluation. The hospital gave me the choice and I chose the pink hospital gown. I drew a resident doctor to head up my evaluation and I quickly liked her as she allowed me to wear the girl clothes I had with me when arrested.

Dr. Deb took my history of cross-dressing. She affirmed the other doctor’s steps of suppressing my gender identity issues, were not considered effective by most and tended to more long-term damage instead of affectively being therapeutic. It was neither client-centered nor good medicine.

The other doctor was granted permission to do his own evaluation on behalf of the family. That doctor advised my parents that the circumstances of the hospital, juvenile detention, and the holidays would cause me to quickly fall in line and for my parents not to back down on their stance.

Visits from the Fords, Sandy, and Eddy helped me through the coming days. Marie actually redid my nails as we visited. I was making friends with many on the hospital staff as well as with the police keeping an eye on me. Dr. Hardcore as I came to call him requested my clothing be changed and my hair be cut at the request of the family. But the Hospital refused as I was now the ward of the state and courts. One nurse in brushing out my hair said it was now long enough to hold a girly hair doo.

I became tense on Monday, day three of my evaluation. The finding warranted an extended stay and the possibility of my being verified to have a gender identity dysphoria. I had two possibilities of being home for the holidays the first required I gave in: 1) included giving in to the family requests; 2) no more running away and 3) giving up my friends at odds with the family’s decisions for my benefit.

The other possibility was for someone to be willing to take me on as a foster child. Since I was still nervous I had an ankle monitor put on me. It was now Wednesday and I was melancholy as Christmas was coming and my fate was still at the hospital. Group homes didn’t want me and it was unlikely I would be placed until after Christmas.

It was Wednesday afternoon when I had a strange visitor. Mrs. Sharon Petersen had come to visit me, with her two-year-old daughter. She had been my sixth-grade grammar teacher. Unfortunately, while I liked her very much I had caused her grief on numerous occasions. But why is she here?

She introduced her daughter Brianna who I took and cuddled in my arms. “Miss. Stafford, I am sorry for how I was in sixth grade, but what brings you here? Your daughter has your good looks and fine features.”

She heard I was in the hospital and would be remaining through Christmas. “Thanks, Brianna is a pretty girl and a great joy. I have the desire to help make this a very happy Christmas for some girl and us.”

“But why are you here?”

“I was hoping you would come and help us fill my Christmas wish.”

“But I am not accepted as a girl and I do not know how I could bless your Christmas with anything but trouble.”

“I am told you are here because you are not willing to give up your second self. I thought you would welcome a chance to be a girl and have a merry Christmas.”

“That chance and would be beautiful, but I treasured you as a teacher, but I hurt you and I have never forgiven myself. And to spend Christmas with you and then come back here; it would be better to remain here and not hurt you again.”

“The biggest hurt would in fact be if you would not be Brianna’s big sister for Christmas.”

Dr. Deb came in and Ms. Petersen asked about the possibility of having me with them during the holidays. Deb openly shared it would be a big responsibility. The hospital and authorities would not be quick to grant the request with a favorable outcome.

Sharon asked if I could watch Brianna while they talked. I requested the diaper bag as I was sure Bri needed to be changed. They no sooner left and Brianna said “Potty.” I knew one girl on the floor who had a potty chair for her toddler and we asked permission to use it. Bri was a good girl and did go potty.

I still had to clean her up. I took her around to see the other residents and she brought a smile to them and the staff. I watched Bri for over an hour. Marie and Mrs. Ford came to visit and were taken back by my being in such a girl mode.

“You looked every bit of a big sister there Jessie.” They both knew Mrs. Petersen and were happy to think someone might share their Christmas with me.

Marie spoke up as Ms. Petersen was coming into the room behind her. “Jess, you are a little too old to be her daughter.”

“Marie would you mind if that were my problem. Jessie has warmed my heart and if she would call me mother I would be very happy.” Marie jumped and blushed in embarrassment. She gave Ms. Petersen a big hug. Marie not only knew Ms. Petersen was a teacher but was a big sister who helped middle school students now. I did not know it but Ms. Petersen had returned as a teacher.

“Is Jessie the girl you told me about?” Marie confirmed her suspicion.

Dr. Deb came back into the room with news, sharing there were a lot of things to work out and a real possibility that they won’t be. We will not know until tomorrow or Friday. She squeezed my hand and asked me to stay calm or ask for help if needed. I shared I would and went back to visit the others.

Ms. Petersen was amused that Bri went potty for me and I had no trouble taking care of her. She took Bri and they soon said good-bye, but that she hopes to see me tomorrow or Friday. I was getting worked up as they left and the Fords gave me a big group hug and held me until I calmed down.

Mrs. Ford took to brushing out my hair to help me calm down. One of the nurses came in asking if I needed my medication. I asked if we could wait to see if I could calm down without it. She agreed and sat down with us. She turned to Marie and asked her to teach me some girl therapy. Like taking more pride in my appearance.

I spoke up and shared if I were going someplace I would. Marie shared, “That is what she is talking about. Taking care of yourself doesn’t depend on going someplace or other people. Jessie, like Jeff, you need to take pride in yourself and develop your own self-esteem.”

To be Continued
I will seek to post the revision of Chapter two in four days

This story was first posted in April and while nicely received it was poorly written and edited on my part. As a note of thanks to the readers and the comments that helped me improve as a writer, I have worked to make the story more presentable, easier to follow, and consistent in using names. Below is a list of the characters in the story

Story people:
Jeff/Jessie or Jessica Green
Mom Green Dad Green
Brothers: Roger, Dan, Doug
Marie Ford - Close friend Sandy — Friend through Marie
Mrs. Ford — Marie’s Mother — very supportive
Mrs. Petersen, former sixth-grade teacher Miss Stafford
Matt Petersen — Husband
Brianna, Bree Petersen
Dr. Hardcore (Nickname/for parents doctor/counselor advising them
Dr. Myrt (Dr. over Dr. Deb) Dr. Deb Walters

Previously… It was 7:10 and I had a surprise visitor, Matt Petersen had come to see me with Brianna. He was taken back both by how Bri reacted to me and how much of a girl he saw. He shared, “Where is the troublesome boy?”…

I said, "Jeff is here and neither of us are angels.” Bri gave me a hug saying “Angel.” I could not help but cry…

… if I went to stay with the Petersens it was to stay as Jessie and for now to be their foster child. I would need to visit with my doctor regularly. They wanted me on a hormone blocker for one month.
New Girl in My life
Part Two - A Girl with a New FamilyBy Jessica C

Till now I had not made trouble at the hospital but neither was I cooperative or taking care of myself. I asked if they would mind if I used some make-up while they were there. I was shaking too much so Marie had to do the job. She did not put on much makeup, but it made a noticeable difference. Mom Ford did my nails. It was near time for dinner as the Fords went home.

I was now feeling like a prisoner, who had to stay. I took a quick shower and changed my clothes and went to visit some of the other girls. It was 7:30 and I had a surprise visitor, Matt Petersen had come to see me with Brianna. He was taken back both by how Bree reacted to me and how much of a girl I was. He shared, “Where is the troublesome boy?”

“Jeff is here and neither he nor I are angels,” I answered. Bree gave me a hug saying “Angel.” I could not help but cry as I took her into my arms. He asked me if I planned to stay and become Jessie. I told him I could not be truthful in saying I knew. “Too much has happened, Jessie feels so natural, but I am not sure. There is so much more to being a girl.”

“We would like you to be with us for Christmas. It may not be fair, but as family we are very interested in Jessie.”

“That would be fair; as Jeff already has a family he can go back to,” I said. I was not real sure if I had a family to go back to. “I’m afraid it won’t be a Merry Christmas for anyone with me; if I’m coming to be back here or in a group home the next day.”

I was up and going in the morning, including makeup. I had no expectations for the day so I focused on being the girl I wanted to be. With the exception that I was wearing a skirt and most of the others were wearing jeans or pajamas and a robe. I began to identify and visit with whomever I could.

One girl got in my face, telling me she couldn’t believe someone wanted to wear bras, make-up, or skirts. Maria said a lot of girls don’t like them as much as I do.

I was called to meet with Dr. Deb and she said that if I went to stay with the Petersens it would be to stay as Jessie and to be their foster child. I would need to visit with her and another person regularly. The Petersens wanted the hospital to put me on a hormone blocker for one month.

“We believe you need to meet with transgender specialists and others to determine what is going on in your life. We agree you are not ready to commit to being Jessie. The hormone blocker would allow time to consider if you are Jessie, Jeff or something a more complex.”

I asked, “So you are taking me seriously as a girl?”

“You seemed at home as Jessica with your friend Maria last night and the other girls on the floor this morning. We don't see you just being stubborn with your parents. We might bring you into a mixed group session either this afternoon or tomorrow. So to answer your question, 'Yes we see you possibly being a girl.”

The Petersens and the hospital also want me to wear some appliances to have the appearance and function of a girl. One was a vagina gaff between my legs and two faux breasts appropriate for a girl in 10th grade. “If you go, you would be expected to stay with the Petersens for a minimum of thirty days and to abide by their rules.” If I agreed to those things, others still needed to approve the arrangement so it was not a done deal.

Deb took me to the hospital salon on the OB/GYN floor and asked if they could give me a nicer girl cut. The hairdresser had only one opening which was now. I agreed, and the beautician quickly gave me a shampoo and took to shaping and setting my hair. Two sandwiches were brought in, one for each of us.

By 1:00 p.m. I was under the dryer; feeling like I had died and gone to heaven. I liked when she brought me out from under the dryer and began taking out the curlers and brushing out my hair. The curls were gentle and flowing and my hair appeared longer than I realized.

The beautician and Deb asked, “Are you pleased with how it turned out?” I was turned to the mirror and as I saw myself; I began to cry. The beautician gave me instructions and showed me how to take care of my hair and how to brush it back into style if it gets blown out of shape.

Deb took me by the hand, asking me to quickly change my dress and she would help redo my makeup. I did so but I felt she was up to more than she was telling. The dress was simple but it looked good on me. She changed my eyeshadow to hazel, darkened my eyebrows and softened my skin tone while putting a little blush into my cheeks.

A moment later and a nurse came to check on me and asked where Jessica was? The change was that ignificant. She called the Head Nurse who likewise was surprised with the transformation.

“Jessie, come with me as the transformation will continue.”

I asked if my parents had to approve my going to a foster home. She told me they knew but as long as I wasn’t giving up on Jessica my father had given responsibility for me over to the court.

He expected me to come to my senses and ask to be received back as Jeff. He stated, 'It was taking longer than their doctor thought, but all were sure I would give in.

I asked what my mother said and if I would be seeing them. Dr. Deb shared, "It was agreed they would not contact you and you aren't to be contacting them for the immediate future.

We went to a specialist on the OB/GYN floor. I had to strip down and as they attached my vagina appliance. The work helped me to understand why they were calling it an appliance. I hadn’t seen a woman’s vagina so when I was asked how it looked. “I don’t know what it should look like. I've only seen them on the internet.”

Deb shared, “It looks real and fits very nicely on you.” The technician traced two forms on my chest, coated the area with adhesive onto both areas and carefully placed the breast forms before pressing them. The technician closely matched the skin tone and when she was done I laughed and said, “Even I know these look really good.” Both Deb and the technician laughed.

Before I could get dressed Dr. Deb gave me two injections. The first was the testosterone blocker and the second was a mild dose of female hormones which I was not expecting. It was 4:30 when Dr. Deb brouight me back to my floor and room, where I discovered my belongings were packed.

I turned to Deb and she was smiling, “Everything was approved and the Petersens want to come and get you as soon as possible.”

It wasn’t ten minutes and I saw Brianna walking through my door with a teddy bear. Sharon and Matt came in next and I hurriedly ran for the toilet. I was going to wet my panties if I did not get to the toilet fast enough.

Bree pushed open the door and put the stuffed animal into my hands and told me it was my bear. When I was done washing and drying my hands I went out and Sharon greeted me with a big hug. Dr. Deb and the head nurse walked us through the conditions of my release. The big surprise was I was to legally be Jennifer Petersen for the time being.

We would be going out to eat, but Sharon needed to nurse Bree first. I turned my head, but mom reminded me that it should not be embarrassing to a girl. I smile and relax. When Bree was finished nursing I checked her diaper and ended up changing her. Mom was happy to see that.

She smiled at me. I laughed that such a thing helped me feel very much a part of the family. Matt changed the plan and ordered a pizza to be picked up on the way home. My bedroom was small but very nice. It was a light yellow room with a pink and lace bedspread.

I called Marie to let her know I was out of the hospital and living with the Petersens. The pizza was good and come 8:00 p.m. we were joined by three friends stopping to celebrate the growing Petersen family. One was a younger sister to Matt and the others two were teacher friends of Sharon’s.

It was 9:30 when mom had me help her put Brianna to bed. Bree was tired and ready to sleep. Mom asked me to hurry and change into my pajamas and to come back out with a robe on. It took me extra time as I needed to get my makeup off. Having breasts and the gaff made wearing pajamas feel different.

It was 11 before the others went home, but Mom and I stayed up and talked past mid-night. Matt gave me a hug and mom a kiss and we went to bed around 11:30. I asked Mrs. Petersen if it was okay to call her Mom and Matt, dad?

We talked about all the changes I was going through such as having a vagina. She giggled then shared that she hoped I would let her see me as she felt it important to know for future reference. I was a little self-conscious until she told me how beautiful I was.

I thought I was ready for bed when Mom took me to the bathroom and helped put my hair up for the night and to use a moisturizer on my face. Mom had changed for bed and came back to say a prayer with me and to give me a goodnight kiss. It meant more than she knew.

She handed me my bear and suggested I give myself some time to experience being a girl. I thought it was a little silly until I found myself hugging my bear and crying. I woke up at 3, scared and crying; Mom had already woken up and heard me crying. She hugged me until I fully woke up and stopped crying. She had me rest my head on her lap as she stroked my hair and I fell back to sleep.

I was up just after 7 and Mom told me to get dressed for a shopping day. I was quickly in jeans and a two layered top. I got Bree up and dressed her for the day. Mom had breakfast ready for us as Dad was leaving for work. It was 9:30 before we got away from the house, Mom lent me one of her purses.

Dad had given me two envelopes one for Christmas presents and the other as spending money to help with my clothing needs. I was overdosing on possibilities and could have used all my money up by 10:30.

Mom set down the law; I was going to be a shopper first and a buyer second or somewhere further down road. We went to JC Penny’s to get me a variety of simple items panties, pantyhose and socks. She took me to three jewelry stores and then back to Penny’s and Claire’s where mom had me mostly try things on and express my preferences.

I was away from Mom and Bree when I heard a guy giving a rough time to the girl who was with him. When he hit her I was enraged and went over and caught his fist on his third swing to hit her. He was embarrassed, but even more angry, then he said, “B* , what I did was her fault! Now get out of my way!”

I slapped him hard but it was as a girl. I told him to get and leave her alone. He shared that she was his girl and he already told her he would give her a ride home. “She is not riding home with you today.”

“B’h, you don’t tell me what to do, I'm her boyfriend.”

“Were…” Other people stepped forward and he paused.

“Get out of here before I call security.” It was then he left and soon after that Mom showed up. The girl’s name was Olivia, she and I were now calming down. Olivia was a year ahead of me in school and attended a neighboring school.

We got something to eat together and we continued our shopping. While we were shopping Mom realized Olivia was the daughter of a friend and though she had not seen her in years, she knew of Olivia. When we were finished shopping mom gave Olivia a ride to her home.

Olivia shared she enjoyed her time with me and was wondering as an expression of thanks if we could go to a movie tonight, her treat. I asked to take a rain check, and I suggested the following Saturday if my folks said it was okay. She asked “Aunt Sharon could you come over during the holidays and bring your daughters.” Mom smile and said it was possible.

I had walked Olivia up to the house and when we said good-bye we kissed as girls and said goodnight. I ran back to the car and was not going to say anything; I was afraid what mom would say. I was afraid she would take me directly back to the hospital. “Did she get a kiss out of you?”

“Don’t get mad, I will never do it again, I promise.” Mom told me, "You were Olivia’s hero; what you experienced was female compassion and Olivia needed to express that".

We drove home, where Sharon put Bree on her breast to nurse. She slipped off her clothes while nursing and pulled out a pair of jeans. I helped to hold them as she scooted them up with one hand while holding Bree with the other. I must have had a strange look as Mom looked at me and began to laugh as she sat down. “O my young lady, I am sorry, I'm way too comfortable around you as another woman. You are in my heart my daughter and in my eyes you are all woman.”

“Thanks Mom, I think that is a neat compliment.” The doorbell rang and I ran to see who it was. It was mom’s younger sister, we hadn’t met but she looked so much like Sharon I guessed who she was. I asked her to step in, and she was already making herself at home. Mom stepped out carrying Bree as she finished nursing. Jeannette looked at her sister and then me and smirked. I sat down kind of covering my eyes and Jeanette began to giggle.

“Sis, you are corrupting and embarrassing your daughter, please cover-up.” Jenn said to me, “You better get used to this, if you are going to be her daughter. With my sister you will be on a quick learning curve… So how did you and my sister meet?” I started at the beginning, I was a naíve boy, that had a crush on her sister, Sharon, when I was teaching in Junior High and I ended up doing all the wrong things. “So did you want to be a girl even back then?” I wasn’t sure if my Mom suspected that to be true.

Sharon put Bree down for a nap. Sharon hugged her sister. She told her sister how she had me help her with her jeans and Jeanette was literally rolling on the floor. Jeanette asked me if I saw through her panties. My blushing face was all the answer each needed.

“Sis said you were to get your own vagina yesterday.” We continued to talk until Matt got home. Mom was fixing dinner and Jeanette showed me where things were so I could set the table. After the table was set, she took me to my room and made suggestions about arranging the room. She suggested things I needed to do like painting the room, getting pictures of friends, posters of boys and bands and things that were Jess friendly. She also asked me to call her ‘Jenn’.

I asked what she thought about me getting a doll or getting a bicycle with a toddler’s seat. She liked both ideas but said I would soon tire of having Bree going places with me. I told her I didn’t think so. She asked if I would go on a short shopping trip with her after dinner. I thought it was strange when we showed up at the library, but I soon had a library card and two books. Aunt Jenn told me girls tend to read more. It was also a good way to hear about girls and how they live or were expected to.

The second stop was to get me two camisoles but we ended up with five. Jenn told me it was good to have my clothes layered and that even when it was not seen it was good to have a lightweight camisole on under a sweater.

Matt, laughed when we got back to the house seeing how much we had gotten. Dad had hung lights outside while Mom had decorated the inside. It was very warm and festive for the holidays. Jeanette visited with them, as I played with Bree.

Jenn was going out the following night with her finance’ when I suggested my parents go with her. Sharon wanted to go but they thought it was too late to get tickets and a sitter. I asked if I was big or responsible enough to take care of Bree.

Saturday I was helping around the house with chores when we got a call. Mrs. Ford wanted to take me Christmas shopping. Marie and the other daughter were with her. I had a short list of what my new parents wanted; I selected nice sweaters for the two of them. They matched in style but the colors were subtly different; Mrs. Ford agreed with my decision. I got an outfit for Bree and a little story book with three stories. I got candles for grandparents I hadn’t met.

I was home by four and ready to care for Bree. Marie was given permission to watch a Disney movie with us. When the movie ended I was surprised to find Bree had been trying to nurse off of me. My blouse and bra were very wet. I gave Bree a bottle, burped her and waited a half hour to change before putting her to bed.

Marie helped me to rearrange my bedroom using a table as a vanity table and set my make-up and jewelry accordingly. It was only 9:30 when we called the Fords for Marie’s ride. It was 11:30 when my parents came home and I had just fallen asleep. Dad asked me how much I weighed as he scooped down to pick me up. I thought I was still about 137 pounds but mom stated Dr. Deb expected me to stabilize at near 125 pounds.

I grabbed dad’s neck as he lifted me with little trouble. Dad told me to scoot out of my skirt and blouse and get ready for bed, then he’d tuck me into bed. Mom scooted him out and shared I should be happy to have such a dad. I needed to take off my make-up and take care of my skin. Mom also helped me get off my bra. When I was ready for bed, mom called dad and suggested he say a prayer with me and tuck me in.

It was just before seven when Mom woke me up for church. I shared I wanted to stay home and get use to being in my family. Mom said, "We wpi;d on our way to their church by 9:00 a.m. Mom led us in and we were among a number of families in that service.

Two high school students welcomed me and asked me to come to their fellowship group. After church, we exchanged cell numbers and they would call me after the New Year. One of the guys with another friend came over and wanted to take me out. I shook my head not sure what I should do. Dad was nice enough to tell me to call me to get going.

The next night Dad took us out for dinner. I was distracted by the cold coming up my skirt and chilling me to the bones. One of dad’s customers was out with his family and we are invited to eat with them. They have two sons one in high school and the other home from college. Todd is the older of the two and while he was good looking, unfortunately he seems to know it.

The younger brother Jason is handsome but has not filled out like his brother. They both extend an arm to me and I decide to be a diplomat and take both. Todd flirted with the waitress but got upset when I gave attention to his brother. Mom realized I needed to go to the women’s room but I was not sure if I could.

She asked me take to Bree to the family room and to check her and to see if she would drink part of a bottle. I was feeding Bree when I heard a knock and it was Sandy. She had seen me earlier and came to watch Bree while I peed as needed. Sandy knew I could handle it but she was happy to see me and wanted to visit.

She got Marie on the phone and I would have talked but I knew I needed to get back to the table. There was a pianist playing and the men were invited to dance with their wives. Jason waited and then risked asking me to dance. I paused and Todd joked that I was waiting for the older brother. I raised my hand to Jason so he could escort me to the floor.

I knew Jason was nervous and I thanked him for asking; I asked that he relax. “Jason, I do not usually dance in a long skirt so if you would relax I could too.” I asked him what sports he played. He started by saying he was not the athlete his brother was.

“I asked about you; I am dancing with you. Please do not discount a girl when she is with you. Am I less important because I agreed to dance with you?”

Jason smiled and he said “Any guy would be honored to dance with you.”

“Thank you that is the guy I agreed to dance with.” Jason smiled and we finished our dance. Both moms were duly impressed that it was Jason and I dancing. Jason asked if I would go out with him. I shared I would not be planning my social calendar until after the New Year and I was settled into my new home.

Most people were assuming Sharon to be an aunt. I even received a number of nice compliments that I looked like her. When we got home Mom gave me permission to kick back and relax.

When I found out she was planning to make some Christmas cookies, I dressed appropriately and was quickly out to help her. She was planning on making two small batches of cookies but with my help it turned out to be over seven dozen.

With mom’s permission, I made a light red batter with a peppermint flavor and a green batter of dough. While it was simple she said she had not seen it done since she was a girl. I joked asking if that must have been long ago. When dad poked his head in the kitchen I was sporting a dusting of flour on my face and hair.

Having finished making the cookies, I suddenly had a huge emotional swing and began to cry and when Dad tried to calm me I began to swing my arms and backed away from Dad. Mom was behind me and warmly wrapped her arms around me until I promised not to do anything. I thought it was neat, what she had done. But I also teared up as I was missing my own parents and Christmases past. With Sharon and Matt’s permission I wrote a Christmas card to my parents.

Dear Mom and Dad,
I love you and miss greatly being with you, especially for Christmas. I deeply believe you love me too, but were hurt about me being a girl as well as your son. I was just helping to make Christmas cookies and felt joy about all that I learned growing up. I have good manners, know how to help. Eddy was right that I dressed up as a girl for myself as well as in support of him. Whatever happens in the future I am not only your son, but so many other things that define me to be a good person.

Some nice people have taken me in for Christmas and the coming month. I agreed with Dr. Deb that there is much more to being a girl than one wearing dresses. I have a little sister. She and her mom bring out more of the girl in me. If you look and think you see me, don’t get upset, because that person probably isn’t me. I don’t think Jeff is very visible now, though he is alive forever.

Please pray for me as I will for you and my brothers. Please forgive me for any and all hurt I have caused you. You did not do anything wrong to cause me to feel like a girl. I think the opposite is true. You helped me to be strong enough to want to be a whole person.

Please know God’s love will help me to be the person God blessed me to be. I am not sure, but I think as a girl I even have a decent singing voice.

Merry Christmas and love, Me

Mom Petersen read my letter and we cried as she hugged me. I am learning that crying can be a good thing. Mom took it to Dr. Deb in the morning and I understand the letter was delivered to my folks on Christmas Eve. Dr. Deb said even my Dad was happy that I wrote and sent a Christmas card. She said my mother wanted to write but neither she nor my dad knew what to say.

I took the next two days to get use to being my new self as well as well as to get ready for Christmas. Dad Peterson's youngest sister took me out to breakfast Christmas eve. She heard that it was my birthday during the time I was at odds with my family so she bought a fancy doll and two posters for my room. My clothes to go to church Christmas Eve were in Bree’s room as Mom said there was one gift too large to wrap so it was placed in my room to be given Christmas day.

It had started to snow at five when Marie asked me to go caroling with her church group. Mom gave permission if I was home by 9:00 p.m. and not too tired for church that evening. We went about a dozen places. Marie, Sandy and I were all surprised how well I sang as a girl.

Once at a care center we were singing Silent Night and others stopped and I found myself singing alone and the group came back in on the last verse. I was embarrassed but Marie and others shared it was a gift to the residents. Sandy and Marie had to come into the house and tell my folks how well I sang.

Mom was a proud mother. She asked Sandy and Marie to go to church with us. Marie was interested, as her family wasn’t going to a service. Marie shared she would but she didn’t have anything to wear. Mom jokingly suggested that she check my closet as she heard we wore the same size. It was Sandy who knew which dress to suggest. She laughed as Marie had many outfits, but she was not known to wear an actual dress as Sandy was suggesting.

Mom had to take Marie into my room as I had to wait until tomorrow to see my gift. Sandy stayed around long enough to see Marie in the dress. Dad joked that last Christmas they had their first Christmas as a family with Brianna now he was going to church driving four women. The Church had a nice covering of snow that made for a beautiful sight. It did much to make the celebration of Christmas.

We dropped Marie at her house then went home. Mom set Bree down and she went running calling my name. She ran into my room and Mom told me to follow. I went into the room gasped as I looked back to my Mom as I picked up Bree. Dad came in smiling.

He said this was not a Christmas gift but just for their daughter coming into the family. My parents had bought me a full-size bed, vanity and dresser. Michelle’s doll was set in the middle of the pillow. I was in tears as Mom and Dad came over and hugged me. It was an hour before I showered and was ready for bed.

I went to put my gifts out under the tree. Mom was in a cute camisole and without a robe. Dad laughed as he caught me with a hug, “Just think a lot of people think you look a lot like your mom.”

I joked that I didn’t know Santa was that pretty. Dad joked that Mom should wear a robe unless she wanted to tempt Jess to be her son. It was the first time I thought how Mom would look to a boy. I had not even thought to look at her that way.

It was after two o’clock when mom tucked me into bed and gave me a goodnight kiss. I was crying as mom sat down and talked with me. It was a combination of all the changes of the past month and how things in many ways had gone well for me.

We were up at 6:30 and Bree was the center of our morning. I took the camera so Mom and Dad could each enjoy their baby. Bree is a very happy girl. She enjoyed her gifts as well as the wrapping and the lights. I think Mom and Dad were as tickled as I was with the storybook that I got Bree. Mom made sure we brought it when we went to her parents’ house.

We were celebrating Christmas at the Stafford’s. It was just over an hour and half trip even with the light snow. It was the first time I met Mom’s parents and they were expected to receive me as Mom and Dad’s foster child. While I was treated well with gifts, the day went even better. My manners paid dividends with grandma and I enjoyed myself immensely.

Sharon’s middle sister had a baby born in September and I was happy to take care of her as well as Bree. We stayed overnight and I was in my pajamas, when Mom complimented my behavior. I guess Grandma was impressed on how we acted so well as a family. Grandma came in behind her and agreed, “Yes, I surprised myself how I already see her as a granddaughter.”

It was Thursday when Olivia called as we had a date for Saturday night. Marie and Sandy were over early Friday and when Marie reached over and gave me a hug. Something caused me to ask if she was jealous that I was going out with Olivia. Marie was honest enough to share she was and the three of us had a good talk about my needing time and space to learn how to be friends with people. Jeff really did not have that problem as he didn’t have very many friends.

Marie had recently broken up with her last boyfriend and so both of us were kind of on a rebound of change. We were very good friends and we decided that was too valuable to fool around with at this point. We decided if I was still a girl come the winter ball Sandy, Marie and I would go to the dance in a group. Marie and Sandy would help me learn to be a girl.

Olivia called asking if our going could be changed to a double date with some nice guys from her class. Strange enough my date’s name would be Jeff. But name is where our resemblance ended. He was 6’3” and a sturdy 220 pounds. It was a nice date and it actually felt nice to be in the arms of a guy of his strength.

He politely asked for a kiss to end the night and I was more than happy to share a kiss, but there was no chemistry or sparks. I emailed Marie and she confessed to be happy that my date was just average. She joked that it was nice that I was now having a normal girl day.

I went to church with my folks but to youth fellowship with Marie. Several of the kids suspected I might be a boy seeking to be a girl. The youth leaders were not sure what to say or how to treat me. Several youth spoke up and there was discussion and a quiet agreement that we would just take things one week at a time. The focus was to remain on fellowship and faith and not my identity.

Marie and I were invited to go out with a group for pizza after the meeting. The group was serving hot chocolate, coffee and doughnuts at a rest area on January 2. Marie was already planning to help and Sandy and I agreed to help. People initially thought I was crazy for wearing a skirt even if it was long. I had a nice pair of insulated tights Mom leant me as well as new boots.

I was quiet comfortable and I was told we girls helped to attract more boys and dads than normal. After I was back and between bowl games my Dad took me bowling. I was surprised though, I had bowled before it felt very different going as a girl, having two breasts will do that.

My weight and strength had indeed changed. Having breasts made a noticeable difference with my balance and how I threw the ball. Dad also had an unusual time as other than his own sister and wife he was not use to talking to young women as friends. We had stopped to get a quick bite to eat, but I was now watching my weight and what I ate. I had a scoop of cottage cheese with a pineapple slice and then a  ½ slice of pie.

I enjoyed learning about my Dad. He was a good athlete having played football, basketball and baseball in high school and basketball and baseball in college. He had played in adult leagues until Bree was born but was hoping to resume some sports this coming year. I also learned how he and mom met and courted in college. Mom was surprised but pleased when we showed up late because we were talking. She and I were both proud of her husband and my dad.

I had an appointment with Dr. Deb on Friday and everyone was pleased with how well I was doing. There were complaints about how I was behaving and living, but they did not come from my biological parents but the doctor who had been advising them. Luckily he worked with a different hospital and Dr. Deb’s supervising department head, Dr. Moore was very content with how well I was doing.

There was just one area of concern that needed to be addressed. Seemingly my body reacted well to the hormone blocker and better than expected to the mild therapy of female hormones I was given. While they would not increase the level of female hormones I was receiving. They did advise me that I should consider stopping the one blocker and/or stop taking the female hormone therapy. I elected to remain with both and have things checked in two weeks. Mom agreed that the decision was mine to make, though she thought Ishould follow the Doctors’ recommendation.

When I started back to school as Jessie Petersen I continued to wear skirts. I felt it helped me to continue in girl mode. Boys kept their distance the first week back to school. I even got a few rotten notes and phone calls. But much of that stopped when other boys started to show interest in me as a girl.

I had my first counseling session with Dr. Deb on Tuesday and she shared that my ability to back off with Olivia and Marie may have been because of the lowering of my testosterone. She said I was also growing as a person. She complimented me on desiring to grow as a person and focus on friendship and relationships more than sex or romance.

She shared that it too was a sign of my feminine side growing as well as the character I was raised with. I asked about the change in my voice and my new gift of music. She shared the gift was probably already there but tied to my feminine persona.

She said, “It was more problematic and frustrating for Jeff to have the interest but have trouble using the gift”. She visited more about my developing as Jessica and how I saw myself in the Petersen family. She said that my natural parents wanted contact with me if and when I decided to move on with my life.

I misunderstood and thought she meant going back to Jeff. I was surprised to find out they were now open to accepting me as a niece but not a son nor a daughter. Deb shared it would take the better part of two or more months, but the Petersens wanted me as their daughter. I was so excited that I dampened my panties a little before I regained control.

Despite the good news, I was very angry and hurt that my natural parents would accept me as a niece, but not their daughter. While as a girl it was my intent to stay with the Petersens, I would need Dr. Deb’s help in working through my relationship and feelings with them. My views were tainted by my biological parents.

We returned to the idea of me being a member of the Petersen family.

I made a few suggestions and Deb thought they were all good and doable. We talked to my new parents and they were overjoyed at the news. They picked me up and were taking me out to eat. The restaurant owner wanted to treat me to dinner, but Dad said tonight was special to them as parents. The man then asked if the young lady would mind dancing.

I agreed but was surprised to find out it was not to be with him but a grandson. Tadd was back on college semester break. We happened to be four years apart in age; initially, I knew he saw the dance as a favor to his grandfather but he didn’t want to do. Something happened during the dance and he quickly asked me out for Saturday night.

“You do not have to, you have been kind enough to dance with me,” I replied.

“You are right, it is now my desire to ask you, and so would you please go out with me?”

I accepted pending my parents’ approval. He asked about my uncle and aunt but I shared they were adopting me as their daughter. “You resemble your mother and sister so I thought you were related.” I thanked him for the compliment but I knew I was being snowed with by my first pick up line as a girl.

I was glad that Tadd and I danced before dinner as I had selected an Italian dish and was afraid. Jeff usually wore part of his dinner by the end of the meal if it had red sauce. I was afraid that Jessie would do the same. I didn’t see any food spilled on me but would not have been surprised that someone could. I went to the women’s room with Mom and Bree. Mom complimented on how well I looked and that I was one of the best mannered teen girls she knew.

We both knew the time was coming that I would act up so we both enjoyed this moment. Mom did show me that Dr. Deb had given her a new prescription. It was for a stronger dose for my hormone therapy, if my parents and I were in agreement to do so. I later called Marie to share my news.

I was now singing with the high school choir and was taking voice lessons. Mom bought a keyboard and requested I take piano lessons for a year and a half. I agreed to do so with the request to be on a fast track lesson program. I was learning my notes and timing but also was starting with whole songs that I liked. By Easter I would be able to play three songs by memory and more with music and became fairly comfortable at the keyboard.

Mom had me up early and working-out with her three times a week. Two afternoons we would use exercise videos. I was getting fit and my body was more a girl’s. I could bend better as well as move more gracefully.

Thursday after our work out Mom asked to check my chest as well as my male parts. Mom and I were happy in both instances. My breasts had already budded and tonight it was easy to see my breast tissue was developing. That night I called Mom as I was having trouble with my gaff and going to bathroom.

Mom checked me and was surprised about something. Mom sat me down and we talked about my doctor’s appointment the next day. While she wanted me to develop as a girl, she was very sensitive and thoughtful about how I was handling the changes.

She and Dr. Myrt Hall were encouraged by my soreness between my legs. Mom did not want me to get false hopes going, but she shared that Dr. Myrt and Dr. Deb suspected I might be developing a vagina and more inside as a woman. I asked if that were possible.

Dr. Deb told me it was not only possible but could present a problem if I had a bloody discharge inside my body if it was not able absorbed or able to get out. I could get a major infection and damage vital organs, including my reproduction organs.

Mom said it could be that it was either an answer to prayer or that my female organs had been dormant only because my body had produced or given enough testosterone to block their development. The giving of estrogen and other hormones had awakened my dormant female organs.

Dr. Lisa Ebbs apologized for interrupting us but just as quickly explained she thought their new daughter was already with them. She had taken some scans and stated if she was right by Monday I would be scheduled for surgery.

Mom advised Dad that his daughter was possibly already a girl, just a late bloomer. Dad easily could see my budding breasts through my examination top then looked away and apologized. He sat down and the three of us visited as I put on a robe.

Mom whispered, I might want to use a pad till we get to the hospital Monday.

Dad talked about how couples often grew to look similar; he wondered aloud whether that could be true for Sharon, Bree and me. Mom was the first to thank him for the compliment. I snuggled in her arms thanking him for the comparison as it was a real compliment to me.. Deep down my stomach was churning as a big part of me was now beginning to feel inferior in comparison to Mom, Marie and other real girls and women.

Inside I was also worried about mourning as Jeff. I had spent all my life as a boy, this was exciting but it was not the normal me that I knew.

Before I went to bed, Mom helped me put on a pad with a panty under my pajama bottom.

As Jeff, I often worried and had nightmares that assaulted me, now they were there for me as Jenn. I swung from seeing them as nightmares to more and more feeling them to be more pleasant dreams. It took me awhile to get to sleep and I was still tired when I woke up. When I went to the loo I discovered my pad had a significant blood discharge

Mom was gone, so Dad was the one who took me to the doctor and Dr. Deb was called over. My GYN, Dr. Myrt Hall shared that I was indeed developing as a real female. The dripping when I needed to go or stop peeing was from the catheter and should stop in a day or two. They wondered if they should call Mom or speak there to Matt. I spoke up and shared Matt was my Dad and he could handle it.

They smiled as I spoke up and called in my dad and shared the news. I too was thrilled with the news, but Dr. Deb saw an expression on my face that said something else was on my mind. She asked and probed a bit but I was in denial and closed up.

I was sent home again and Dr. Deb had a long talk with my parents and that whatever I had bottled up inside needed to be dealt with before things became permanent.

The following days I was indeed sick and getting worse. The first two days I had eaten but wasn’t using the toilet and come Thursday my stomach was sore and my temper was short. Mom had given me laxatives and joked with Marie when she stopped that I might not be able to sit for long. It was true I couldn’t sit for long as I was getting sicker.

Mom had stopped nursing earlier in the week and was quite sore in the transition. I was given some medicine and after dinner, which I didn’t eat. Mom told me to get ready for bed and to call her. Mom had old blanket on the floor and some towels down as well. She called me to lay next her and rest my head on the pillow on her lap.

As I did, she opened her blouse and undid her nursing bra. “Jess, I want you to nurse from me but please try not to bite me.” I protested thinking the idea was gross, but mom insisted. “Remember a week or so ago you said something about not always being an angel. Well, there are times I will tell you something as a mother and you don’t need to like it, but I do expect you to do it. This is one of those times.”

Mom gently guided my head and mouth to a nipple. My mouth opened and I worked to find a way my lips and tongue could suck without my teeth biting my mom. I began to suck and while Mom winced she said I was doing well. I realized some milk was coming, and as I sucked more of her nipple was in my mouth.

Mom was cradling my head like she held Bree. My eyes had been closed but I peeked a look to see Mom’s breast and the smile on her face was so beautiful. After a few minutes Mom had me rest and changed breasts. Dad came in and asked how we were doing. Mom told him I was relaxing and we would just need to wait and see.

I had stopped nursing but Mom had me continue to lay down as she ran her fingers through my hair and over my cheeks. I felt like a little girl. Mom calmly asked what I was worrying about and without thought, I began to open up. Mom shared my fears and worries as a girl and even as Jeff were normal. Girls often worry themselves about how they look, compare themselves to others and need to wrestle with who they are.

“Even though you are likely to be a pretty girl, you or others might focus blemishes or a poorer self-image.” Mom shared stories about when she was an ugly duckling and pressures she felt to being attractive. We were visiting when I felt the cramps again. Mom held me and asked me to nurse again.

She threw a towel under my butt and another over it. Strangely I knew I was being treated as a sick baby and I began to nurse again. I had a bowel movement dirtying the pajamas and the towels. Mom held me and talked, it was more like a prayer than a conversation.

“O young Lady, I wish I could save you from worry. I can help you learn and I hope I can be a good mother, but I need to let you grow up. I hope you can love yourself. You will always be beautiful to me. Don’t be in a rush and never think too much of yourself even when you see yourself as beautiful. You will have boyfriends and close friends and sometimes it will hurt. I pray God will watch over you and that your parents will love you and that you can embrace your feelings and not run from them…”

Then there was a messy clean up and again Mom treated me like her baby, with wipes, powder and it was done, with the exception I could take a shower.

The next morning, Mom took me to visit with Dr. Deb; she got me into see Dr. Hall and I soon had surgery set for 6:00 pm. with Dr. Lisa Ebbs. The surgery revealed my female organs had indeed begun to develop and appeared to be functioning. My testes had not developed to produce sperm. Dr. Ebbs cleaned my system, removed my testicles and did the initial surgery molding my vagina. I would need more surgeries in the future, pending on how my body did or did not develop.

I would remain in the hospital for two to four days. I would be returning to school on Tuesday with some limitations. Marie, Sandy and Eddy all visited me while I was in the hospital.

Mom and I talked about how I was in some ways lucky, as difficult as it had been. She said friends like Eddy might not have it so easy. I raised the worry that maybe I never should have changed to a girl and the hurt I caused my other parents.

Mom reminded me about all the times I tried to stop being a girl and how impossible that was. “Your parents hurt because they loved you and didn’t know how to help or accept you. They let you go because they loved you. Yet you are frustrated because they won’t allow themselves to love you as you are.”

“I hope and believe that they and you will be back into each others’ lives. I hope you will always be a Petersen, but I know I need to love you no matter what happens.” I asked if I needed to make a decision again about being a Petersen and between my parents. Mom shared she hoped not.

The next Tuesday I was back to school and back to growing as Jessie. Marie and Sandy quickly noticed a change as I was wearing a nice pair of jeans and top. Marie was the first to speak up, “So did you change what you’re wearing because you are or aren’t trying to prove you are a girl?”

Marie went onto compliment me as she noticed my hips were growing. She asked if that meant my real breasts were growing as well. Sandy and Marie seem as excited as I was about the news. I had both choir as a class and dance practice after school. Both instructors complimented saying they saw a new girl today. It kind of blew my mind that they thought little about my past but just saw the girl in front of them. It was what I wanted but it came faster than I had been expecting.

A few weeks later, after dance practice I started to walk home and one of the high school baseball players caught up to me and wanted to walk with me. He and Jeff had played on the same team several times as they grew up. Kirk had played shortstop, third base or pitching, because of his good glove and strong arm. I had played second, third and outfield, but somehow I knew he was neither seeing nor thinking of Jeff.

He was going through throwing practice as a pitcher before regular practice started, but was upset that the coach wasn’t really considering him as a pitcher. I joked with him that he should go out for the two week dance class beginning on Monday and I could catch for him afterwards.

He stopped and asked me if I would do that for him. When I asked if he was serious about signing up for the dance class, we both realized he had not heard that part. I said football and other players do it; it wouldn’t hurt a pitcher if he learned how to loosen up or move on his feet.

“If I tried it would you really catch for me?”

“Is that why you ran to walk with me?”

“Well I actually ran because you’re cute. I hoped I would have the courage to talk with you.”

“I haven’t noticed you had trouble talking.”

“And you haven’t noticed me talking to too many girls. I can talk about baseball and what our class assignment is but that doesn’t get me a date.”

“So are you planning on asking me for a date?” Kirk was embarrassed and unable to speak. “So there’s a dance a week from Saturday, were you going to ask me to the dance?” Kirk nodded a little bit but was still having trouble speaking.

“Do me a favor, put down your books and put your hands on my hips… “Now smile and look me in the eyes… If you ask me the answer would be yes, but you need to ask me.”

“Yyyes!... I mean, would you go with me to the dance?”

“Are you picking me up and at what time? I need to know these things if I expect my parents to give me permission.” Kirk relaxed and we talked as we walked. I lived a block and a half past him but he was nice enough to walk me the rest of the way.

“You know if I catch you for pitching you will need to find me a glove and some catching gear.” He smiled and bounced off to his home.

Mom was home and asked me what that was about. She knew who Kirk was and smirked that her daughter had gotten him to ask her for a date. “I hope all the guys are this nice.”

“Don’t worry Mom, I will get him to propose in a month and then you won’t have to worry about the others.”

Mom paused in her tracks, looked at me, “Go take a cold shower and quit trying to grow up so fast.” She opened her arms for a hug but told me I really needed the shower. Then she began to tickle me mercilessly. “Smartypants; I’ve been a girl a lot longer and you better think twice about tangling with me, understood.” I nodded but she made me cry uncle.

I called Marie and then Sandy about my encounter with Kirk. I called another friend Bridgette to share the same.

When I called Bridgette, I found out she was a bit upset. She liked Kirk and had wished he had asked her. I suggested Bridgette take introductory dance class. We agreed we would not accept a date from someone in competition with the other.

Monday at lunch I ate with Marie and Sandy, but I saw that Kirk was being hassled my some of the senior ball players. I walked over to confirm our date for Saturday. Brett bantered Kirk some more about going to dance practice.

“I think he is doing it so he has an easier time in switching from third base to pitching so he can save your bacon.” Brett made a face saving remark then walked away.

Kirk stood up and gave me a hug. “Thanks, now we will have to make good on my pitching performance.”

“You have it in you, between some improvement and a gain in confidence; I know you can do it.” I asked him if he was throwing a splitter. He said he was focusing on his curve and fast ball. I asked what was to go in between those two pitches.

It was nice having Kirk come to dance. Like me, he was not a natural but he did have potential. It worked out pretty good between dance as catching was a different type of stretching. Luckily Kirk had the catching equipment including a good catcher’s mitt. His fast ball was pretty good and his curve was good but not exceptional.

His big problem was he threw most of it right over the plate. It took most of the week to find the inside and outside of the plate with his pitches. By Thursday he was throwing mostly curves, the splitter and a change-up. Friday he caught the coach’s eye.

“Kirk, I like what you are doing but what happened to your fastball.”

“Until I get a regular catcher, I am staying down to about 10 fast balls. Jenn is helping me with location and changing my pitches.”

I asked if the coach had a speed gun. I shared if he’d use it I let a few more fastballs to be thrown. Coach got the speed gun and the curves were coming in at 60-67 mph, the cutter at 70-74. Then he let loose with a fast ball, 80, 84, 83 mph. The coach smiled and Kirk brought the change up in at 52 mph.

“I don’t know what the others will say about the competition, but if you pitch like that it is too good not to use you.”

I suggested, “Why don’t you use him as a relief pitcher unless someone gets injured. It would not be a threat to the starters but a mean surprise for the opposition. He’s good at third.”

“Are you his girlfriend or agent,” laughed the coach?

“You noticed; so far I think I am just a friend.”

“Yes, I had no trouble noticing. A girlfriend can be good inspiration or a distraction or a bit of both. I haven’t seen him this focused unless he is hitting; I would say you are inspiration.”

“He already has the gift and talent.”

“Kirk, I didn’t mean to interrupt but I hope you keep this up and don’t let her get away to the opposition… Jessie say hello to your Mom for me.”

I called Mom on our way home and asked if I could invite Kirk to stay for dinner. When I came in the house alone, she asked if I scared him away. I shared I just asked him to take a shower first.

“Would you have known enough to do that?”

“If a girl was talking to me, I would have only thought to stay with her.” Mom giggled. I told her about school, dance and the coach’s comments when he saw Kirk pitching so well. I also told her, “Kirk said hello”.

Mom shared she didn’t know he knew her. “He seems to have a good eye for good looking girls.” Dad drove in and I took a shower and then played with Bree until Kirk showed up. I forgot Marie was also coming over. Kirk was a good sport and took us both out to go bowling. I unfortunately had worn a shorter skirt.

Before we began our first game Marie had looked around for a choice as to who could even our numbers. She chose Chad a junior from the neighboring community. I was once again surprised that things were different doing something as a girl.

The bowling ball I used was probably a pound or two lighter and my boob changes affected my balance as well as throwing the ball. An awkward surprise was the girl’s restroom was in a different direction, but it was also cleaner way than the men’s room ever was.

My scores weren’t bad but I sat out to watch Kirk bowl the last game. We played a game of pool and once again my short skirt interfered with how I played. Once I had to reach for the shot but with the wall behind me, I took the shot and let my dignity and my skirt ride up a little. Afterwards I asked if Kirk minded and he said the shot and everything looked real nice.

When we won the game Kirk gave me our first kiss. Marie later asked me if he still had his tonsils. Later she informed me I had kissed him long enough to have known as well as caught the eyes of others.. Kirk took Marie home and then me. It was strange riding past my old home, but for Jessie there was only one home.

I had Kirk stop a block away from my house so we could kiss and talk. By the time I got in the house I had pushed my 11:00 curfew time. Dad laid down the law and shared there was no good reason to be late without calling. I tried giving an insincere apology and Dad saw right through me and asked if that was what I wanted to do.

Dad was right; I did not want him and Mom to distrust me. My next apology was sincere. As we were talking, Bree walked out of her room. I knelt down and picked her up. “Sis be good, Sis be good!”

Dad had me take Bree into mom to say good night. Mom told me to take a shower and come back. It only took me 25 minutes to take off my make-up, shower, dry my hair and get ready for bed. We visited another thirty minutes and I knew Marie was already waiting for me to return her texts or to get on-line.

Such ability to visit, text and do other thing use to be beyond my understanding; it was now normal for me as Jessie. I confessed to Marie that my panty had gotten warm and damp. It was then Mom poked her head in and told me it was time to shut things down and go to sleep.

Dad acted angry enough to ground me and I was afraid I would not allow me to go to the dance. “Mom would it be okay if I called Kirk and told him I’m sick. I don’t want to tell him I am grounded.”

“Matt what do you think. Should she call and tell her date she is sick and couldn’t go out?” Dad laughed but I didn’t think it was funny and I ran to my room crying.

Mom and Dad sent Bree ahead of them as they came into the room. “Jess are you scared or angry? That is how we felt earlier. We haven’t been parents a full two years. I don’t know about you but when I nursed you, it was like the bond of you being our daughter was…” Mom began to cry. I thought Dad would be angry with me, but when I looked up he too was crying.

“Someday you might be grounded, but it won’t be on your first dance. I was more scared than your Mom. Your Mom knows you a little bit better; she told me I need to give you room to make a mistake. She said we could ground you this coming week, but not for your dance date.”

I cried as I said I was sorry, “I didn’t need to be late; I was selfish and didn’t think about you. I just wanted to be held in his arms and kissed like a real girl! I know I am a real girl, but I had feelings and I thought I would burst.”

“Wow! We too are selfish; we wanted you to be happy when we told you, you will be a sister again. Your Dad made love to me the night I told him I wanted you as our daughter. Your Dad made love to me…”

“Mom, you are telling me more than I want to know, except that you are pregnant.” They asked me not to tell anyone until they shared with the family.

“Mom, do you think I will ever be able to have a baby?”

“Now you are asking me more than I want to think about before your first dance. Dr. Deb told me, I would need talk to you before long about being a woman. If your Dad will excuse us, we need to talk.” Dad left and Mom asked as many questions as giving me information. We both found it unusual having a mother/daughter talk.

“Part of me still remembers you as Jeff and being the mother of a 16 year old girl is sometimes hard to grasp.” She was kind of half apologizing for talking to me.

“Mom what do I need to know about being a girl and not getting pregnant? I don’t plan to have sex, but I already know these girl feelings are more than I understand. They scare me but they also excite me. Mom, I’m going to be a girl but I’m in over my head.”

“Jess, I had fifteen years to grow to where you are at, and only two months in being the mom of a 16 year old.”

“I think you can help me be a 16 year old girl as well as be my mom.”

“Honey, you are right being a 16 year old can be scary, as well as the feelings are also exciting, sometimes more exciting than the fear… Did you as Jeff love Marie?”

“She’s one of my best friends and she’s a pretty girl. I loved her but I never told her how much I loved her. She would have laughed at me or just stopped being a friend.”

“Did you have some times that as a friend she might have been vulnerable? Were you tempted to take advantage of it?” I had to think but it wasn’t hard to think of a few times in the past two years when Sandy and other friends weren’t there.

“Yes, but I didn’t and wouldn’t. I’m hurt, I thought you would know better.”

“I do know you better and I didn’t think you would, I just wanted to know if you were tempted. That same love for Marie and your own discipline and respect of yourself is what you will need for yourself. I’ve told you that you need to accept and respect yourself as a girl. As a girl you don’t have the same luxury a boy has.”

“Marie was either lucky or she chose well when she was vulnerable with you. She didn’t lose her respect for herself, but I am sure it did not stop her from feeling lousy that someone she loved hurt her.”

We were both silent for awhile. “Mom for someone who is not sure how to be a parent of a 16 year old girl you just did and awesome job.”

Mom said thanks. I joked, “Don’t thank me yet, I’ve just started being your daughter. I still want to know more about those feelings and being a girl. You haven’t begun to tell me how to do it or about birth control.”

Mom and I had a long discussion. When we were done I went to my room and Dad and Mom got together. I heard Mom say, “This child better be a boy.” Mom, I learned preferred girls but I got her to question that.

I finished my chores and had talked with Marie twice as well as Sandy and Jeanette. Jeanette wanted to have fun with her niece as I prepared for my date with Kirk. Jeanette was twenty minutes away and wanted to show me a few more dance moves. I quickly finished changing except for make-up. After we went over the dancing I knew she asked dad to help show me some swing rock-n-roll.

To Be Continued…

Your comments are both helpful and wanted. You are welcome to directly write to me as the author.
This story has undergone a major revision because it had too many mistakes, incorrect spellings and was hard to follow and characters were sometime misidentified.

Jeanette, Jenn - One of Sharon’s sister the younger one
Dr. Lisa Ebbs Surgeon
Todd and Jason —Brothers, danced with Jason
Bridgette a new friend
Olivia — new friend, Sharon’s niece sort of
Tadd — College boy I danced with
Grandma Stafford — Mom’s mom
Jeff — 6’ 3” friend of Olivia’s date

Till now, I had not made trouble at the hospital but neither was I really cooperative or taking care of myself. I asked if they would mind if I used some make-up while they were there. But I was shaking so much that Marie took over the job. She did not put on much, but it made a noticeable difference. Mom Ford did my nails. It was time for dinner and the Fords went home. I was now feeling like a prisoner, who had to stay.

I took a quick shower and changed my clothes and went to visit some of the others. It was 7:30 and I had a surprise visitor, Mr. Matt Petersen had come to see me with Brianna. He was taken back both by how Bri reacted to me and how much of a girl he saw. He shared, “Where is the troublesome boy?”

“Jeff is here and neither he nor I am angels,” I answered with an attitude. Bri gave me a hug saying “Angel.” I could not help but cry as I took her into my arms. He asked me if I planned to stay and become Jessie. I told him I could not be truthful in saying I knew. “Too much has happened, Jessie feels so natural, but I am not sure. There is so much more to being a girl.”

“We would so much like you to be with us for Christmas. it may not be fair, but as family, we are very interested in Jessie.”

“That would be fair; Jeff already has a family he can go back to,” I said, but I'm not sure if Jeff has a family as I am. I’m afraid it won’t be a Merry Christmas for anyone with me; if I’m coming back here or in a group home the next day.”

I was up and going in the morning, including makeup. I had no expectations for the day so I focused on being the girl I wanted to be. I was wearing a skirt and most of the others were wearing jeans or their pajamas and robe, we began to identify and visit with whom we would.

One girl got in my face, telling me she couldn’t believe someone wanted to wear bras, make-up, or skirts. I knew Maria says a lot of girls don’t like them as much as I do.

I was called to meet with Dr. Deb and she shared that if I went to stay with the Petersens it would be to stay as Jessie and to be their foster child. I would need to visit with her and another person regularly. The Petersens wanted and the hospital agreed to put me on a hormone blocker for one month.

“You'll need to meet with a transgender specialist and other specialists to determine what is going on in your life. We agree with you, you are not ready to commit to being Jessie, but you are strongly pulling against bein Jeff. The hormone blocker would allow time to consider if you are Jessie, Jeff, or something a bit more complicated.”

I spoke up, “So you are taking me seriously as a girl?”

“You seem to be at home as Jessica with your friend Maria, and the other girls on the floor this morning. We might bring you into a mixed group session either this afternoon or tomorrow.”

They also wanted me to wear some appliances to have the appearance and function of a girl. One was a vagina gaff between my legs and two faux breasts appropriate for a girl in 10th grade. “If you went, you would be expected to stay with the Petersen's for a minimum of thirty days and to abide by their rules without causing problems.” If I agreed to those things, others still needed to approve the arrangement so it's not a done deal.

Deb took me to the salon and asks if they could give me a nice girl cut. The hairdresser had only one opening and it was now. I agreed, and the beautician quickly gave me a shampoo and took to shaping and setting my hair. Two sandwiches were brought in, one for each of us.

By 1:00 p.m. I was under the dryer, feeling like I had died and gone to heaven. I liked it when she brought me out from under the dryer and began taking out the curlers and brushing out my hair. The curls were not tight but gentle and flowing and my hair appeared longer than I realized.

The Beautician and Deb asked, “Are you pleased with how it turned out?” I was turned to the mirror and as I saw myself, I began to cry. The beautician gave instructions on how to take care of my hair and how to brush it back into style if it gets blown out of shape.

Deb took me by the hand, asking me to quickly change my dress, and then she would help redo my make-up. I did so but I felt she was up to more than she was telling. The dress was simple but it looked good on me. She changed my eye shadow to hazel, darkened my eyebrows, and softened my skin tone while putting a little blush into my cheeks.

It was a moment later and a nurse came to check on me and asked where Jessica was? The change was significant enough to give me a new look. She called the Head Nurse who likewise was surprised with the transformation.

“Jessie, come with me as the transformation will continue.”

I asked if my parents had to approve my going to a foster home. She told me they did know and as long as I wasn’t giving up on Jessica my father had given responsibility for me over to the court.

He expects you to come to your senses and ask to be received back as Jeff. He stated it is taking longer than the doctor who advised them thought, but was sure I would give in.

I asked, what my mother said and if I would be seeing them. Dr. Deb shared, it was agreed they would not contact me and I was not to be contacting them for the immediate future.

We got to a specialist on the OB/GYN floor. I had to strip down and they attached my vagina appliance. The work it took helped me to understand why they were calling it an appliance. I hadn’t seen a woman’s vagina so when I was asked how it looked. “I am embarrassed to say but I don’t know what it should look like.”

Deb shared, “It looks real and looks very nice on you.” The technician trace two forms on my chest coated the area with adhesive onto both areas and carefully placed the breast forms before pressing them. The technician closely matched the skin tone and when she was done I laughed and said, “Even I know these look really good.” Both Deb and the technician laughed.

Before I could get dressed Dr. Deb gave me two injections. The first was the testosterone blocker and the second was a mild dose of female hormones which I was not expecting. It was 4:30 when Dr. Deb got me back to my floor and room, where I discovered my belongings were packed.

I turned to Deb and she was smiling, “Everything was approved and The Petersen's want to come and get you as soon as possible.”

It wasn’t ten minutes before I saw Bri walking through my door with a teddy bear. Sharon and Matt came in next and I hurriedly ran for the toilet.

I was going to wet my panties if I did not get there fast enough. When I was done and washed my hands I went out and Sharon greeted me with a big hug. Dr. Deb and the head nurse walked us through the conditions of my release from the hospital to my foster family. The big surprise was I was to legally be Jennifer Petersen.

We would be going out to eat, but Sharon needed to nurse Bri first. I turned my head, but mom reminded me this would not be embarrassing to a girl. I smiled and relaxed. When Bri was finished nursing I checked her diaper and ended up changing her.

She smiled at me and I laughed that such a thing helped me feel very much a part of the family. Matt changed the plan and ordered a pizza to be picked up on the way home. My bedroom was small but very nice. It was a light yellow room with a pink and lace bedspread.

I called Marie to let her know I was out of the hospital and living with the Petersen's. The pizza was good and come 8:00 p.m. we were joined by three friends stopping to celebrate the growing family. One was a younger sister to Matt and the other two were teacher friends of Sharon’s.

It was 9:30 when mom had me help her put Bri to bed. Bri was tired and ready to sleep. Mom asked me to hurry and change into my pajamas and to come back out with a robe on. It took me extra time as I needed to get my makeup off. Having breasts and the gaff made wearing pajamas feel different.

It was 11 before the others went home, but Mom and I stayed up and talked past midnight. Matt gave me a hug and mom a kiss and went to bed around 11:30. I asked Mrs. Petersen if it was okay to call her Mom and Matt Dad?

We talked about all the changes I was going through such as having a vagina. She giggled then shared that she hoped I would let her see me as she felt it important to know for future reference. I was a little self-conscious until she told me how beautiful I was.

I thought I was ready for bed when Mom took me to the bathroom and helped put my hair up for the night and to use a moisturizer on my face. Mom had changed for bed and came back to say a prayer with me and to give me a goodnight kiss. It meant more than she knew.

She handed me my new bear and suggested I give myself some time to experience being a little girl. I thought it was a little silly until I found myself hugging my bear and crying. I woke up at 3, scared and crying; Mom had already woken up and heard me crying. She hugged me until I fully woke up and stopped crying. She had me rest my head on her lap and stroked my hair as I fell back to sleep.

I was up just after 7 and Mom told me to get dressed for a shopping day. I was quickly in jeans and a two-layered top. I got Bree dressed for the day. Mom had breakfast ready for us as Dad was leaving for work. It was 9:30 before we got away from the house, Mom lent me one of her purses.

Dad had given me two envelopes one for Christmas presents and the other as spending money as well as for help with my clothing needs. I was overdosing on possibilities and could have used all my money up by 10:30. Mom set down the law; I was going to be a shopper first and a buyer second or somewhere further down the road. We went to JC Penny’s to get me a variety of panties, pantyhose, and socks. She took me to three jewelry stores and then back to Penny’s and Claire’s where mom had me mostly try things on and then expressed my preferences.

I was away from Mom and Bree when I heard a guy giving a rough time to the girl who was with him. When he hit her I was enraged and went over and caught his fist on his third time to hit her. He was more angry than embarrassed and said what he did was her fault.

I slapped him very hard but it was as a girl. I told him to get and leave, but he shared that she was his girl and he already told her he would give her a ride home. “She is not riding home with you today.”

“B**h, you don’t tell me what to do, I am her boyfriend.”

“Were…”

“Get out of here before I call security.” It was then he left and soon after that Mom showed up. The girl’s name was Olivia, she and I were now calmed down. Olivia was a year ahead of me in school and attended a neighboring school.

We got something to eat together and we continued our shopping. While we were shopping Mom realized Olivia was the daughter of a friend and that she knew of Olivia. When we were finished shopping mom gave Olivia a ride to her home.

Olivia shared, she enjoyed her time with me. She was wondering if we could go to a movie tonight, her treat. I asked to take a rain check, and I suggested the following Saturday if my folks said it was okay. She asked “Aunt Sharon could you come over during the holidays and bring your two daughters.” Mom smile and said, "It was possible or the two of you could visit us.”

I had walked Olivia up to the house and for some reason, we kissed as we said goodnight. I ran back to the car and was not going to say anything; I was afraid of what mom would say. I was afraid she would take me directly back to the hospital. “Did she get a kiss out of you?”

“Don’t get mad, I will never do it again, I promise.”

Mom drove us home and put Bree on her breast to nurse. She slipped off her clothes while nursing and pulled out a pair of jeans. I helped to hold them as she scooted them up with one hand while holding Bree with the other. I must have had a strange look as Mom looked at me and began to laugh as she sat down. “O my, young lady, I am sorry, but I am way too comfortable around you as another woman. But in my heart, you are my daughter and in my eyes, you are all woman.”

“Thanks, Mom, I think that is neat.” The doorbell rang and I ran to see who it was. It was mom’s younger sister, we hadn’t met but she looked so much like Sharon I guessed who she was. I asked her to step in, but she was already making herself at home. Mom stepped out carrying Bree as she finished nursing. Jeannette looked at her sister and then me and smirked. I sat down kind of covering my eyes and Jeanette began to laugh.

“Sis, you are corrupting and embarrassing your daughter,” please cover-up. Jeannette said to me, “You better get used to it if you are going to be her daughter. With my sister, you will be on a quick learning curve… So how did you and my sister meet?” I shared I was a naive boy, that had a crush on her sister but ended up doing all the wrong things. “So did you want to be a girl even back then?”

Sharon had finished nursing Bree and put her down for a nap. Sharon hugged her sister and then me. She told her sister how she had me help her with her jeans and Jeanette was literally rolling on the floor. She asked me if I saw through her panties; my blushing face was all the answer each needed.

“Sis said you were to get your own vagina yesterday.” We continued to talk until Matt got home. Mom was fixing dinner and Jeanette showed me where things were so I could set the table. After the table was set, she took me to my room and made suggestions about arranging the room. She suggested things I needed to do like painting the room, getting pictures of my friends, posters of boys and bands, and things that were Jenn friendly.

I asked what she thought about me getting a doll or getting a bicycle with a toddler’s seat. She liked both ideas but said I would soon tire of having Bree going places with me. I told her I didn’t think so. She asked if I would go on a short shopping trip with her after dinner. I thought it was strange when we showed up at the library, but I soon had a library card and two books. My aunt told me girls tend to read more and it was also a good way to hear about girls and how they lived or were expected to.

The second stop was to get me three camisoles but we ended up with five. Jenn told me it was good to have my clothes layered and that even when it was not seen it was good to have a camisole on under a lightweight sweater. She said it was a girl’s version of clean underwear in case of emergencies.

Dad laughed when we got back to the house. Matt hung lights outside while Mom and I decorated the inside. It was very warm and festive for the holidays. Jeanette visited as I played with Bree.

Jeanette was going out the following night with her finance’ when I suggested my parents go with her. Sharon wanted to go but they thought it was too late to get tickets and a sitter. I asked if I could take care of Bree.

Saturday I was helping around the house with chores when we got a call and Mrs. Ford wanted to take me Christmas shopping. Marie and one other daughter were with her. I had a shortlist of what my new parents wanted, but I selected nice sweaters for the two of them. They matched its style but the colors were subtly different; Mrs. Ford agreed with my decision. I got an outfit for Bree and a little storybook with three stories. I got candles for my grandparents.

I was home by four and ready to care for Bree. Marie was permitted to watch a Disney movie with us. When the movie ended I was surprised to find Bree had been trying to nurse off of me and my blouse and bra were very wet. I gave Bree a drink in her sippy cup and waited for a half-hour before putting her to bed.

Marie helped me to rearrange my bedroom using a table as a vanity table and set my make-up and jewelry accordingly. It was only 9:30 when we called the Fords for Marie’s ride. It was 11:30 when my parents came home and I had just fallen asleep. Dad asked me how much I weighed as he scooped down to pick me up. I thought I was still about 137 pounds but mom shared Dr. Deb expected me to stabilize at near 125 pounds.

I grabbed dad’s neck as he lifted me with little trouble. Dad told me to scoot off my skirt and blouse and he’d put me to bed. Mom came in and shared while it was a cute idea and I should be happy to have such a dad. I needed to get up and take off my make-up and take care of my skin. Mom also helped me get off my bra. When I was ready for bed, mom called dad and suggested he say a prayer with me and tuck me in.

It was just before seven when Mom woke me up for church. I shared I just wanted to stay home and get used to being in my family. Mom said after church. We were on our way and to their church by 9:00 a.m. Mom led us in and there were many families in the service.

Two high school students welcomed me and asked me to come to their fellowship group. After church, we exchanged cell numbers and one would call me after the New Year. Three guys came over and wanted to take us out. I shook my head and Dad was nice enough to call me to get going.

The guys were looking good. Mom caught me taking a second look at one and flirting. Dad took us out for dinner. I am distracted by the cold coming up my skirt. One of dad’s customers is out with his family and we are invited to eat with them. They have two sons one in high school and the other home from college. Todd is the older of the two and he is good looking, unfortunately, he seems to know it.

The younger brother Jason is handsome but has not filled out like his brother. They both extend an arm to me and I decide to be a diplomat and take both. Todd flirted with the waitress but got upset when I gave attention to his brother. Mom realized I needed to go to the women’s room but I was not sure if I could.

She asked me to take Bree to the family room and to check her and to see if she would drink part of a bottle. I was feeding Bree when I heard a knock and it was Sandy. She had seen me earlier and came to watch Bree while I did what was needed. Sandy knew I could handle it but she was happy to see me and wanted to visit.

She got Marie on the phone and I would have talked but I knew I needed to get back to the table. A pianist was playing and the men were invited to dance with their wives. Jason waited and then risked asking me to dance. I paused and Todd joked that I was waiting for the older brother. I raised my hand to Jason so he could escort me to the floor.

I knew Jason was nervous and I thanked him for asking but asked that he relax. “Jason, I am not used to dancing in a long skirt so if you would relax I could too,” I asked him what sports he played. He started by saying he was not the athlete his brother is. I responded, “It is you I am dancing with and it is you that I have asked about. Please do not discount a girl when she is with you. Am I less important because I agreed to dance with you?”

Jason smiled and he said, “Any guy would be honored to dance with you.”

“Thank you that is the guy I agreed to dance with.” Jason smiled and we finished our dance. Both moms were duly impressed that it was Jason and me dancing. Jason asked if I would go out with him. I shared I would not be planning my social calendar until after the New Year and I was settled into my new home.

Most people were assuming Sharon to be an aunt, though I did receive some nice compliments that I looked like her. When we got home Mom gave me permission to kick back and relax. When I found out she was planning to make some Christmas cookies, I dressed appropriately and was quickly out to help her. She was planning on making two small batches of cookies but with my help, it turned out to be over ten dozen.

With mom’s permission, I made up a light red batter with a peppermint flavor and a green batter of dough with a light mint taste. While it was simple she said she had not seen it done since she was a girl. I joked asking if that was very long ago. When dad poked his head in the kitchen I was sporting a dusting of flour on my face and hair.

Mom had her arms wrapped around me until I promised not to do anything. I thought it was neat, but I also teared up as it caused me to miss my own parents. With Sharon and Matt’s permission, I wrote a Christmas card to my parents.

Dear Mom and Dad,
I love you and miss greatly being with you, especially for Christmas. I deeply believe you love me too, but were hurt about me being a girl as well as your son. I was just helping to make Christmas cookies and felt joy about all that I have learned growing up. I have good manners, know how to help. Eddy was probably right that I dressed up as a girl for myself as well as in support of him. Whatever happens in the future I am not only your son but so many other things that cause someone to be a good person.
Some nice people have taken me in for Christmas and the coming month. I agreed with Dr. Deb that there is much more to being a girl than one wearing dresses. I have a little sister. She and her mom bring out more of the girl in me. If you look and think you see me, don’t get upset, because that person probably isn’t me. I don’t think Jeff is very visible right now, though he is alive forever.
Please pray for me as I will for you and my brothers. Please forgive me for any hurt I have caused you. Doug did not do anything wrong to cause me to feel like a girl. I think the opposite is true, you helped me to be strong enough to want to be a whole person.
Please know God’s love will help me to be the person God should so bless me to be. I am not sure, but I think like a girl I even have a decent singing voice.

Merry Christmas, Me

Mom Petersen read my letter and we cried as she hugged me. I am learning that crying can be a good thing. Mom took it to Dr. Deb in the morning and I understand it was delivered to my folks on Christmas Eve. Dr. Deb said even my Dad was happy that I wrote and sent a Christmas card. She said my mother wanted too but neither she nor my dad knew what to say.

I took the next two days to get used to being my new self as well as to get ready for Christmas. Dad’s youngest sister took me out to breakfast on Christmas eve. She heard that it was my birthday during the time I was at odds with my family so she bought a fancy doll and two posters for my room. My clothes to go to church Christmas Eve were in Bree’s room as Mom said there was one gift too large to wrap so it was placed in my room to be given Christmas day.

It had started to snow at five when Marie asked me to go caroling with her church group. Mom permitted if I was home by 9:00 p.m. and not too tired for the church. We went about a dozen places. Marie, Sandy, and I were all surprised how well I sang like a girl.

Once at a care center, we were singing Silent Night and others stopped and I found myself singing alone, and the group came back in on the last verse. I was embarrassed but Marie and others shared it was a gift to the residents. Sandy and Marie had to come into the house and tell my folks how well I sang.

Mom was a proud mother. She asked Sandy and Marie to go to church with us. Marie was interested, as her family wasn’t going to a service. Marie shared she would but she didn’t have anything to wear. Mom jokingly suggested that she check my closet as we wore the same size. It was Sandy who knew the dress to suggest. She laughed as Marie had many outfits, but she was not known to wear an actual dress as Sandy was suggesting.

Mom had to take Marie into my room as I had to wait until tomorrow to see my gift. Sandy stayed around long enough to see Marie in the dress. Dad joked that last Christmas they had their first Christmas as a family with Brianna now he was going to church driving four women. The Church service had a nice covering of snow that made for a beautiful night.

We dropped Marie at her house then went home. Mom set Bree down and she went running calling my name. She ran into my room and Mom told me to follow. I went into the room gasped as I looked back to my Mom as I picked up Bree. Dad came in smiling.

He said this was not a Christmas gift but just for his daughter. My parents had bought me a full-size bed, vanity, and dresser. Michelle’s doll was set in the middle of the pillow. I was in tears as Mom and Dad came over and hugged me. It was an hour before I showered and was ready for bed.

I went to put my gifts out under the tree. Mom was in a cute camisole and without a robe. Dad laughed as he caught me with a hug, “Just think a lot of people think you look a lot like your mom.”

I joked that I didn’t know Santa was that pretty. Dad joked that Mom should wear a robe unless she wanted to tempt Jenn to be her son. It was the first time I thought about how Mom would have looked to a boy. I had not even thought to look at her that way.

It was after two o’clock when mom tucked me into bed and gave me a goodnight kiss. I was crying as my mom sat down and talked with me. It was a combination of all the changes of the past month and how things in many ways had gone well for me.

We were up at 6:30 and Bree was the center of our morning. I took the camera so Mom and Dad could each enjoy their baby. Bree is just a very happy girl. She enjoyed her gifts as well as the wrapping and the lights. I think Mom and Dad were as tickled with the storybook that I got Bree as I was. Mom made sure we brought it when we went to her parents’ house.

We were celebrating Christmas at the Stafford’s. It was just over an hour and a half trip even with the light snow. It was the first time I met Mom’s parents and they were expected to receive me as Mom and Dad’s foster child. While I was treated well with gifts, the day went even better. My manners paid dividends with grandma and I enjoyed myself.

Sharon’s middle sister had a baby born in September and I was happy to take care of her as well as Bree. We stayed overnight and as I was in my pajamas Mom complimented the behavior of her oldest daughter. I guess Grandma was impressed by how we acted so well as a family.

It was Thursday when Olivia called as we had a date for Saturday night. Marie and Sandy were over early Friday and when Marie reached over and hugged me. Something caused me to ask if she was jealous that I was going out with Olivia. Marie was honest enough to share she was and the three of us had a good talk about my needing time and space to learn how to be friends with people. Jeff really did not have very many friends.

Marie had recently broken up with her last boyfriend and so both of us were kind of on a rebound of change. We were very good friends and we decided that was too valuable to fool around with at this point. We decided if I was still a girl come the winter ball Sand, Marie, and I would go to the dance in a group. Marie and Sandy would help me learn to be a girl.

Olivia called asking if our going could be changed to a double date with some nice guys from her class. Strange enough my date’s name would be Jeff. But the name is where our resemblance ended. He was 6’3” and a sturdy 220 pounds. It was a nice date and it actually felt nice to be in the arms of a guy his strength.

He politely asked for a kiss to end the night and I was more than happy to share a kiss, but there was no chemistry or sparks. I emailed Marie and she confessed to being happy that my date was just average. She joked that it was nice that I was now having normal girl days.

I went to church with my folks but to youth fellowship with Marie. Several of the kids knew I was a boy seeking to be a girl. The youth leaders were not sure what to say or how to treat me. The youth spoke up and there was a discussion and a quiet agreement that we would just take things one week at a time. The focus was to remain on fellowship and faith and not my identity.

Marie and I were invited to go out with a group for pizza after the meeting. The group was serving hot chocolate, coffee, and doughnuts at a rest area on January 2. Marie was already planning to help and Sandy and I agreed to help. People initially thought I was crazy for wearing a skirt even if it was long, but it had a nice pair of insulated tights Mom loaned me.

I was quite comfortable and I was told we girls helped to attract more boys and dads than normal. Between bowl games, my Dad took me bowling. I was surprised though I had bowled before it felt very different going as a girl.

My weight and strength had indeed changed. Having breasts also made a noticeable difference with my balance and how I threw the ball. Dad also had an unusual time as other than his own sister he was not use to talking to a young woman as friends. We had stopped to get a quick bite to eat, but I was now watching my weight and what I ate. I had a scoop of cottage cheese with a pineapple slice and then a ½ slice of pie.

I enjoyed learning about my Dad. He was a good athlete having played football, basketball, and baseball in high school and basketball and baseball in college. He had played in adult leagues until Bree was born but was hoping to resume some sports this coming year. I also learned how he and mom met and courted in college. Mom was surprised but pleased when we showed up late because we were talking. She and I were both proud of her husband and my dad.

I had an appointment with Dr. Deb on Friday and everyone was pleased with how well I was doing. There were complaints about how I was behaving and living, but they did not come from my biological parents but the doctor who had been advising them. Luckily he worked with a different hospital and Dr. Deb’s supervising department head, Dr. Moore was very content with how well I was doing.

There was just one area of concern that needed to be addressed. Seemingly my body reacted well to the hormone blocker and better than expected to the mild therapy of female hormones I was given. While they would not increase the level of female hormones I was receiving. They did advise me that I should consider stopping the one blocker and/or stop taking the female hormone therapy. I elected to remain with both and have things checked in two weeks.

When I started back to school as Jenn Petersen I continued to wear skirts and I felt it helped me to continue in girl mode. Boys kept their distance the first week back to school. I even got a few rotten notes and phone calls. But much of that stopped when other boys started to show interest in me as a girl.

I had my first counseling session with Dr. Deb on Tuesday and she shared that my ability to back off with Olivia and Marie may have been because of the lowering of my testosterone. But she said it was also me growing as a person. She complimented me on desiring to grow as a person and focus on friendship and relationships more than sex or romance.

She shared that it too was a sign of my feminine side growing as well as the character I was raised with. I asked about the change in my voice and my new gift of music. She shared the gift was probably already there but tied to my feminine persona.

It was more problematic and frustrating for Jeff to have the interest but have trouble using the gift. She visited more about my development as Jennifer and how I saw myself in the Petersen family. She said that my natural parents wanted contact with me if and when I decided to move on with my life.

I misunderstood and thought she meant going back to Jeff. I was surprised to find out they were now open to accepting me as a niece and not a son. Deb shared it would take the better part of two or more months, but the Petersens wanted me as their daughter. I was so excited that I dampened my panties just a little before I regained control.

Despite the good news I was very angry and hurt that my natural parents would accept me as a niece, but not their daughter. While as a girl I intended to stay with the Petersens. I would need Dr. Deb’s help in working through my relationship with them.

We then returned to the idea of me becoming a member of the Petersen family.

I made a few suggestions and Deb thought it was all good and doable. We talked to my new parents and they were overjoyed at the news. They picked me up and were taking me out to eat. The restaurant owner wanted to treat me to dinner, but Dad shared tonight was special to them as parents. He then asked if the young lady would mind dancing.

I agreed but was surprised to find out it was not to be with him but a grandson. Tadd was back on college semester break. We happened to be four years apart initially I knew he saw the dance as a favor to his grandfather that he did but didn’t want to. But something happened during the dance and he quickly asked me out for Saturday night.

“You do not have to you have been kind enough to dance with me.”

“You are right, I desire to ask you, and so would you please go out with me?”

I accepted pending my parents’ approval. He asked about my uncle and aunt but I shared they were adopting me and I am their daughter. “You resemble your mother and sister so I knew you were already related.” I thanked him for the compliment but I knew I was being snowed with my first pick-up line.

I was glad that Tadd and I danced before dinner as I had selected an Italian dish and was afraid. Jeff usually wore part of his dinner by the end of the meal if it had a red sauce, I was afraid as Jenn I would do the same. I didn’t see any food spilled on me but would not have been surprised that someone else could. I went to the women’s room with Mom and Bree. Mom complimented on how well I looked and that I was one of the best-mannered teenage girls she knew.

We both knew the time was coming that I would act up and we should both enjoy this time. Mom did show me that Dr. Deb had given her a new prescription. It was for a stronger dose for my hormone therapy if my parents and I agreed to do so. I later called Marie to share my news.

I was now singing with the high school choir and was taking voice lessons. Mom bought a keyboard and requested I take piano lessons for a year and a half. I agreed to do so but requested to be on a fast track lesson program. I was learning my notes and timing but I was starting with whole songs that I liked. By Easter, I would be able to play three songs and would already comfortable at the keyboard.

Mom had me up early and working out with her three times a week. Two afternoons we would use exercise videos. I was getting fit and my body was more and more a girl’s. I could bend better and be more graceful.

Thursday after our work out Mom asked to check my chest as well as my male parts. Mom and I were happy in both instances. My breasts had already budded and tonight it was easy to see my breast tissue was developing. That night I called Mom as I was having trouble with my gaff and going to the bathroom.

Mom checked me and was surprised about something. Mom sat me down and we talked about my doctor’s appointment the next day. While she wanted me to develop as a girl, she was very sensitive and thoughtful about how I was handling the changes.

She and Dr. Hall were encouraged by my soreness between my legs. Mom did not want me to get false hopes going, but she shared that Dr. Deb and others suspected I might be developing a vagina and more inside as a woman. I asked if that were possible.

Dr. Deb told me it was not only possible but could present a problem if I had a bloody discharge inside if my body was not able to absorb it or let it out. It could set up a major infection and damage vital organs, including my reproduction organs.

Mom said it could be that it was either an answer to prayer or that my female organs had been dormant only because my body had produced too much testosterone. The giving of estrogen and other hormones had awakened my dormant female organs.

Dr. Lisa Ebbs apologized for interrupting us but just as quickly but explained she thought their new daughter was already with them. She had taken some scans and state if she was right by Monday I would be scheduled for surgery.

Mom advised Dad that his daughter was possibly already a girl, just a late bloomer. Dad easily could see my budding breasts through my examination top then looked away and apologized. He sat down and the three of us visited as I put on a robe.

Mom whispered I might want to use a pad till we get to the hospital Monday.

Dad talked about how couples often grew to look similar; he wondered aloud whether that could be true for Sharon, Bree, and me. Mom was the first to thank him for the compliment. I snuggled in her arms thanking him for the comparison as it was a real compliment to me. But deep down my stomach was churning as a big part of me was now beginning to feel inferior to comparison to Mom, Marie, and other real girls and women.

Before I went to bed, Mom had me put on a pad with a panty under my pajama bottom.

As Jeff I often worried and had nightmares that assaulted me, now they were there for me as Jenn. I swung from seeing them as nightmares to more and more feeling them be more pleasant dreams. It took me a while to get to sleep and I was tired when I woke up. When I went to the loo I discovered my pad had a significant blood discharge

Dad was the one who took me to the doctor and Dr. Deb was called over. My GYN, Dr. Samantha Hull shared that I was indeed developing as a real female. The dripping when I needed to go or stop peeing was from the catheter and should stop in a day or two. They wondered if they should call Mom or speak to Matt. I spoke up and shared Matt was my Dad and he could handle it.

They smiled as I spoke up and called in my dad and shared the news. I too was thrilled with the news, but Dr. Deb saw an expression on my face that said something else was on my mind. She asked and probed a bit but I was in denial and closed up.

I was sent home again and Dr. Deb had a long talk with my parents and that whatever I had bottled up inside needed to be dealt with before things became permanent.

The following days I was indeed sick and getting worse. The first two days I had eaten but come Thursday my stomach was sore and my temper was short. Mom had given me laxatives and joked with Marie when she stopped that I might not be able to sit for long. It was true I couldn’t sit for long as I was getting sicker.

Mom had stopped nursing earlier in the week and was quite sore in the transition. I was given some medicine and after dinner which I didn’t eat. Mom told me to get ready for bed and to call her. Mom had an old blanket on the floor and some towels down as well. She called me to lay next to her and rest my head on a pillow on her lap.

As I did she opened her blouse and undid her nursing bra. “Jenn, I want you to nurse from me but please try not to bite me.” I protested thinking the idea was gross, but mom insisted. “Remember a week or so ago you said something about not always being an angel. Well, there are times I will tell you something as a mother and you don’t need to like it, but I do expect you to do it. This is one of those times.”

Mom gently guided my head and mouth to a nipple. My mouth opened and I worked to find a way my lips and tongue could suck without biting my mom. I began to suck and while Mom winced she said I was doing well. I realized some milk was coming, and as I sucked more of her nipple was in my mouth.

Mom was cradling my head like she held Bree. My eyes had been closed but I peeked a look and to see Mom’s breast and the smile on her face was so beautiful. After five minutes or more Mom had me rest and changed breasts. Dad came in and asked how we were doing. Mom told him I was relaxing and we would just need to wait and see.

I had stopped nursing but Mom had me continue to lay down as she ran her fingers through my hair and over my cheeks. I felt like a little girl. Mom calmly asked what I was worrying about and without thought, I began to open up. Mom shared my fears and worries as a girl and even as Jeff or normal. Girls often worry themselves about how they look, compare themselves to others, and need to wrestle with who they are.

“Even though you are likely to be a pretty girl, you or others might focus blemishes or a poorer image.” Mom shared stories about both when she was an ugly duckling and pressures she felt in being attractive. We were visiting when I felt a need to get to the bathroom. Mom held me down and asked me to nurse again.

She threw a towel under my butt. Strangely I knew I was being treated as a sick toddler and I began to nurse again. I had a bowel movement dirtying the towel and myself. Mom held me and talked, it was more like a prayer than a conversation.

“O young Lady, I wish I could save you from worry. I can help you learn and I hope I can be a good mother, but I need to let you grow up and I hope you can love yourself. To me, you will always be beautiful. Don’t be in a rush and never think too much of yourself even when you see yourself beautiful. You will have boyfriends and close friends and sometimes that will hurt. But I pray God will watch over you and that your parents will love you and that you can embrace your feelings and not run from them…”

Mom took me to visit with Dr. Deb.; she got me in to see Dr. Hull and I soon had a surgery set for 6:00 pm. with Dr. Lisa Ebbs. The surgery revealed my female organs had indeed begun to develop and appeared to be functioning. My testes had not developed to produce sperm. Dr. Ebbs cleaned my system, removed my testes, and did the initial surgery in molding my vagina. I would need more surgeries in the future, pending on what my body did or did not develop.

I would remain in the hospital for two to four days. I would be returning to school on Monday with some limitations. Marie, Sandy, and Eddy all visited me while I was in the hospital.

Mom and I talked about how I was in some ways lucky, as difficult as it had been. She said friends like Eddy might not have it so easy. I raised the worry that maybe I never should have changed to a girl and the hurt I caused my other parents.

Mom reminded me about all the times I tried to stop being a girl and how impossible that was. “Your parents hurt because they loved you and didn’t know how to help or accept you. They let go because they loved you. Yet are frustrated because they won’t allow themselves to love you as you are.”

“I hope and believe that they and you will be back into each others’ lives. I hope you will always be a Petersen, but I know I need to love you no matter what happens.” I asked if I needed to make a decision again about being a Petersen or between my parents. Mom shared she hoped not.

The next Monday I was back to school and back to growing as Jenn. Marie and Sandy quickly noticed a change as I was wearing a nice pair of jeans and a top. Marie was the first to speak up, “So did you change what you’re wearing because you are or aren’t trying to prove you are a girl?”

Marie went onto compliment me as she noticed my hips were growing. She asked if that meant my breasts were growing as well. Sandy and Marie seem as excited as I was about the news. I had both choirs in with my classes and dance practice after school. Both instructors complimented saying they saw a new girl today. It kind of blew my mind that they thought little about my past but just saw the girl in front of them. It was what I want but it came faster than I had been expecting.

A few weeks later, after dance practice, I started to walk home and one of the high school baseball players caught up to me and wanted to walk with me. He and Jeff had played on the same team several times as they grew up. Kirk had played shortstop, third base or pitching, because of his good glove and a strong arm. I had played second, third, and outfield, but somehow I knew he was neither seeing nor thinking of Jeff.

He was going through throwing practice before regular practice but was upset that the coach wasn’t really considering him as a pitcher. I joked with him that he should go out for the two-week dance class beginning on Monday and I could catch with him after that. He stopped and asked me if I would do that for him. When I asked if he was serious about signing up for the dance class, we both realized he had not heard that part. I said football and other players do it, it wouldn’t hurt a pitcher if her learned how to loosen up or move on his feet.

“If I tried it would you really catch for me?”

“Is that why you ran to walk with me?”

“Well, I actually ran because you’re cute, and I hoped I would have the courage to talk with you.”

“I haven’t noticed you had trouble talking.”

“And you haven’t noticed me talking to too many girls. I can talk about baseball and what our class assignment is but that doesn’t get me a date.”

“So are you planning on asking me for a date?” Kirk was embarrassed and unable to speak. “So there’s a dance a week from Saturday, were you going to ask me to the dance?” Kirk nodded a little bit but was still having trouble speaking.

“Do me a favor, put down your books and put your hands on my hips… “Now smile and look me in the eyes… If you ask me the answer would be yes, but you need to ask me.”

“Yes, I mean would you go with me to the dance?”

“When, are you picking me up, and if so at what time? I need to know these things if I expect my parents to permit me.” Kirk relaxed and we talked as we walked I lived a block and a half past him but he was nice enough to walk me the rest of the way.

“You know if I catch you for pitching you will need to find me a glove and some catching gear.” He smiled and bounced off to his home.

Mom was home and asked me what that was about. She knew who Kirk was and smirked that her daughter had gotten him to ask her for a date. “I hope all the guys are this nice.”

“Don’t worry Mom, I will get him to propose in a month, and then you won’t have to worry about the others.”

Mom paused in her tracks, looked at me, “Go take a cold shower, and quit trying to grow up so fast.” She opened her arms for a hug but told me I still needed the shower. I called Marie and then Sandy about my encounter with Kirk.

When I called Bridgette, I found out she was a bit upset. She liked Kirk and had wished he had asked her. I suggested Bridgette take an introductory dance class. We agreed we would not accept a date from someone in competition with the other.

Monday at lunch I ate with Marie and Sandy, but I saw that Kirk was being hassled by some of the senior ballplayers. I walked over to confirm our date for Saturday. Brett bantered Kirk some more about going to dance practice.

“I think he is doing it so he has an easier time switching from third base to pitching so he can save your bacon.” Brett made a face-saving remark as he walked away.

Kirk stood up and hugged me. “Thanks, now we will have to make good on my pitching performance.”

“You have it in you, between some improvement and a gain in confidence; I know you can do it,” I asked him if he was throwing a splitter. He said he was focusing on his curve and fastball. I asked what was to go in between those two pitches.

It was nice having Kirk come to dance. Like me, he was not a natural but he did have potential. I worked out pretty good at dance and catching was a different type of stretching. Luckily Kirk had the catching equipment including a good catcher’s mitt. His fastball was pretty good and his curve was good but not exceptional.

His big problem was he threw most of it right over the plate. It took most of the week to find the inside and outside of the plate with his pitches. By Thursday he was throwing mostly curves, the splitter, and change-up. Friday he caught the coach’s eye.

“Kirk, I like what you are doing but what happened to your fastball.”

“Until I get a regular catcher, I am staying down to about 10 fastballs. Jenn is helping me with the location and changing my pitches.” I asked if the coach had a speed gun. I shared if he’d use it I let a few more fastballs to be thrown. Coach got the speed gun and the curves were coming in at 60-67 mph, the splitter was 70-74. Then he let loose with a fastball, 80, 84, 83 mph. The coach smiled and Kirk brought the change-up in at 52 mph.

“I don’t know what the others will say about the competition, but if you pitch like that it is too good not to use you.”

I suggested, “Why don’t you use him as a relief pitcher unless someone gets injured. It would not be a threat to the starter but a mean surprise for the opposition. He’s good at third.”

“Are you his girlfriend or agent,” laughed the coach?

“You noticed; so far I think I am just a friend.”

“Yes, I had no trouble noticing. A girlfriend can be a good inspiration or a distraction or a bit of both. Since I haven’t seen him this focused unless he is hitting, I would say you are an inspiration.”

“He already has the gift and talent.”

“Kirk, I didn’t mean to interrupt but I hope you keep this up and don’t let her getaway to the opposition… Jenn says hello to your Mom for me.”

I called Mom on our way home and asked if I could invite Kirk to stay for dinner. When I came into the house alone, she asked if I scared him away. I shared I just asked him to take a shower first.

“Would you have known enough to do that?”

“If a girl was talking to me, I would have only thought to stay with her.” Mom giggled. I told her about the school, dance, and the coach’s comments when he saw Kirk pitching so well. I also told her, “Kirk said hello."

Mom shared she didn’t know he knew her. “He seems to have a good eye for good looking girls.” Dad drove in and I took a shower and then played with Bree until Kirk showed up. I forgot Marie was also coming over. Kirk was a good sport and took us both out to go bowling. I, unfortunately, had worn a shorter skirt.

Before we began our first game Marie had looked around for a choice as to who could even our numbers. She chose Chad a junior from the neighboring community. I was once again surprised that things were different doing something like a girl.

The bowling ball I used was probably a pound or two lighter and my boobs changed my balance as well as how I threw the ball. An awkward surprise was the girl’s restroom was in a different direction, but it was also cleaner than the men’s room.

My scores weren’t bad but I sat out to watch Kirk bowl the last game. We played a game of pool and once again my short skirt interfered with how I played. Once I had to reach for the shot but with the wall behind me, I took the shot and let my dignity and my skirt ride up a little. Afterward, I asked if Kirk minded and he said the shot and everything looked really nice.

When we won the game Kirk gave me our first kiss. Marie later asked me if he still had his tonsils. Later she informed me I had kissed him long enough to have known. Kirk took Marie home and then me. It was strange riding past my old home, but for Jenn, there was only one home.

I had Kirk stop a block away from my house so we could kiss and talk. By the time I got in the house, I had pushed my 11:00 curfew time. Dad laid down the law and shared there was no good reason to be late without calling. I tried giving an insincere apology and Dad saw right through me and asked if that was what I wanted to do.

Dad was right; I did not want him and Mom to distrust me. My next apology was sincere. As we were talking, Bree walked out of her room. I knelt and picked her up. “Sis be good. Sis be good!”

Dad had me take Bree into a mom to say good night. Mom told me to take a shower and come back. It only took me 25 minutes to take off my make-up, shower, dry my hair, and get ready for bed. We visited another thirty minutes and I knew Marie was already waiting for me to return her texts or to get on-line.

Such ability to visit, text, and do other things use to be beyond my understanding; it was now normal for Jenn. I confessed to Marie that my panty had gotten warm and damp. It was then Mom poked her head in and told me it was time to shut things down and go to sleep.

Dad acted angry enough to ground me and I was afraid I would not allow me to go to the dance. “Mom would it be okay if I called Kirk and told him I’m sick. I don’t want to tell him I am grounded.”

“Matt what do you think. Should she call and tell her date she is sick and shouldn’t go out?” Dad laughed but I didn’t think it was funny and I ran to my room crying.

Mom and Dad sent Bree ahead of them as they came into the room. “Jenn are you scared or angry? That is how we felt last night. We haven’t been parents for a full two years. I don’t know about you but when I nursed you, it was like the bond of you being our daughter was…” Mom began to cry. I thought Dad would be angry with me, but when I looked up he too was crying.

“Someday you might be grounded, but it won’t be your first dance. I was more scared than your Mom. Your Mom knows you a little bit better; she told me I need to give you room to make a mistake. She said we could ground you this coming week, but not you date night.”

I cried as I said I was sorry, “I didn’t need to be late; I was selfish and didn’t think about you. I just wanted to be held in his arms and kissed like a real girl! I know I am a real girl, but I had feelings and I thought I would burst.”

“Wow! We too are selfish; we wanted you to be happy when we told you, you will be a sister again. Your Dad made love to me the night I told him I wanted you as our daughter. Your Dad made love to me…”

“Mom, you are telling me more than I want to know, except that you are pregnant.” They asked me not to tell anyone until they shared with the family.

“Mom, do you think I will ever be able to have a baby?”

“Now you are asking me more than I want to think about the morning of your first dance. Dr. Deb told me, I would need to talk to you before long about being a woman. If your Dad will excuse us, we need to talk.” Dad left and Mom asked as many questions as giving me information. We both found it unusual having a mother/daughter talk.

“Part of me still remembers you as Jeff and being the mother of a 16-year-old girl is sometimes hard to grasp.” She was kind of half apologizing for talking to me.

“Mom what do I need to know about being a girl and not getting pregnant? I don’t plan to have sex, but I already know these girl feelings are more than I understand. They scare me but they also excite me. Mom, I’m going to be a girl but I’m in over my head.”

“Jenn, I had fifteen years to grow to where you are at, and only two months in being the mom of a 16-year-old.”

“I think you can help me be a 16-year-old girl as well as be my mom.”

“Honey, you are right being a 16 year old can be scary, but the feelings are also exciting, sometimes more exciting than the fear… Did you as Jeff love Marie?”

“She’s one of my best friends and she’s a pretty girl. I loved her but I never told her how much I loved her. She would have laughed at me or just stopped being a friend.”

“Did you have some time that as a friend she might have been vulnerable? Were you tempted to take advantage of it?” I had to think but it wasn’t hard to think of a few times in the past two years when Sandy and other friends weren’t there.

“Yes, but I didn’t and wouldn’t. I thought you would know better.”

“I know you better and I didn’t think you would, I just wanted to know if you were tempted. That same love for Marie and your own discipline and respect for yourself is what you will need for yourself. I’ve told you that you need to accept and respect yourself as a girl. As a girl, you don’t have the same luxury a boy has.”

“Marie was either lucky or she chose well when she was vulnerable with you. She didn’t lose her respect for herself, but I am sure it did not stop her from feeling lousy that someone she loved hurt her.”

We were both silent for a while. “Mom for someone who is not sure how to be a parent of a 16-year-old girl you just did an awesome job.”

Mom said thanks. I joked, “Don’t thank me yet, I’ve just started being your daughter. I still want to know more about those feelings and being a girl. You haven’t begun to tell me how to do it or about birth control.”

Mom and I had a long discussion. When we were done I went to my room and Dad and Mom got together. I heard Mom say, “This child better be a boy.” Mom, I learned preferred girls but I got her to question that.

I finished my chores and had talked with Marie twice as well as Sandy and Jeanette. Jeanette wanted to have fun with her niece as I prepared for my date with Kirk. Jeanette was twenty minutes away and wanted to show me a few more dance moves. I quickly finished changing except for make-up. After we went over the dancing I knew she asked dad to help show me some swing rock-n-roll.

To be Continued…

Your comments are both helpful and wanted. You are welcome to directly write to me as the author.

Previously… Mom Petersen said thanks. I joked, “Don’t thank me yet, I’ve just started being your daughter. I still want to know more about those feelings and being a girl. You haven’t begun to tell me how to do it or about birth control.”

“Being a girl is what you should be about; you don’t ‘do it’. You will learn to be a girl by being who you are.”

Mom and I have a long discussion. When we were done I went to my room and Dad and Mom got together. I heard Mom say, “This child better be a boy.” Mom, I learned preferred girls but now with two girls, she's open to a boy.

I finished my chores and had talked with Marie twice as well as Sandy and Jeanette. Jeanette wanted to have fun with her niece as I prepared for my date with Kirk. Jenn was twenty minutes away and coming over because she wanted to show me a few more dance moves. I quickly finished changing except for make-up. After we went over the dancing, she asked dad to help show me some swing rock-n-roll.

New Girl in My Life - 3- The Daughter and Girl Now Showing

By JessicaC

“Dad’s old but he’s not that old.”

Jenn laughed and asked me how old my dad was. I just knew he was older than mom so I guessed 32. “How old do you think my sister is?

“She looks like she’s 24-25, but she's a pretty good teacher when I had her in sixth grade. That was four years ago when she got married. I suspect she is 30, maybe 29.”

Jeanette called her sister and told Mom my guess. Mom told me to get undressed as I was now grounded. Mom said she was 26. Dad and Jenn both shook their heads yes.

“She can’t be 26; it’s bad enough I am 16 and she’s 30.”

Dad said, “When she went to see you, she wanted to give you a place to go for Christmas, but your Mom fell in love with you. She came home and asked about adopting you, saying we would-be foster parents at first with plenty of time to make a good decision. She told me you were biologically a boy but said you were really a darling girl. I tried talking to her, but she wouldn’t talk until I agreed to visit you for myself. She calmed down and was so happy when I said I would.

I knew I had to sincerely go for a visit, though I did tell her it would look funny for a 26-year-old woman to have a 16-year-old daughter.”

Mom asked if I was comfortable that she was only 26 because we both needed to get ready for the dance.

I changed into a mini-dress and Jeanette helped me with my make-up. Kirk showed up early and wanted to take me to get a bite to eat. My stomach was nervous but I was also hungry. Mom took pictures. We went and ate and were at the dance by 8:30. I shivered with excitement when Kirk’s hands were on my hips and his body was pressing against my panties. Sometimes I melted as he drew me close and our hands were on the back of the other.

His hands would slip down onto my butt and while it felt good it reminded me I didn’t have the shape of a real girl there. He seemed to like it when I had to tell him to get his hands up. Once I relaxed my arms and allowed my hands to slip down on his butt. I thought it was weird as a guy, but I liked how he felt like a girl.

It was a very good evening until another boy teased Kirk about dancing with me. I had to hold Kirk until Marie’s date calmed them both down.

I wanted to go to the girl’s room to cry but Donna Bishop and another senior encouraged me not to run. Donna told me to go and give Kirk a big kiss which I did. Kirk lifted me up and twirled me around as we kissed. Some people applauded as we unlocked our lips.

The wise-cracker opened his mouth again but he was told to leave the dance or be in trouble come Monday. Kirk followed him out and I guess there were a few punches before security arrived, but they didn’t see the punches. Kirk was quickly going from a fly on the wallpaper to being noticed as tough and respected. I was in the house five minutes before curfew, but that included five minutes we kissed on the doorstep.

Mom and Dad both greeted me shortly after I was through the door. Jenn was close by. Jenn was going to sleep on the couch but I gave her my bed as long as I could sleep on the floor next to her. Jenn was becoming like a big sister, but it was her sister who she was overly proud of.

I had changed into a pair of teddy bear pajamas and was sitting on the bed visiting. Mom came to visit. When she sat down on the bed I saw her panties under her nightshirt. Jenn asked what just distracted me. I told her, Mom has a string sticking out of her panty.

“Hasn’t your mom told you about tampons and your period? I was totally embarrassed; Mom and Jenn both felt bad for me. I was ready to cry, but Mom and Jeanette both tickled me until I began to wet my pants.

“I thought women didn’t have periods when they were pregnant.”

Mom shared that the pregnancy would need to wait. I suggested they needed a long weekend away with me and Jeanette watching Bree.

It was mid-April after a gym class that I noticed blood on my panty and another girl noticed some blood in the shower stall after I used it. Most of the girls knew about it by the end of school. Marie and Sandy took me for a treat to celebrate my womanhood.

Mom asked me if I was going out with my girlfriends this weekend to celebrate. “You might not believe it, but I feel lousy.” I said, “I probably wouldn’t be good company and I would just like to be home with family.”

I was surprised as I still had boy parts and was not sure if the bleeding meant my boyhood was done.

It was a good stay at home weekend. Mom was enjoying talking with me about being a girl. Marie was over and we were talking about my being a girl. Mom was back in the room but I didn’t know it. I asked “Marie, I was embarrassed when Jasmine notice I was bleeding, but inside I was so happy because it meant I was a real girl. Do normal girls have goosebumps and get tingly when their breasts grow or someone brushes up against them?”

“How long does it take to get over the yuckiness of the blood?” Marie started to laugh and I heard Mom giggle behind me. “Well, I don’t think it’s funny. You shouldn’t be laughing at me.” I began to cry and started to run out of the room, but Mom caught me.

“Woe there young lady, do not run away. Were not laughing at you, we’re just tickled by the way you express things at times.” Mom pulled me up in her arms and Marie was also giving me a hug.

“You know Jess, it may sound funny but you help me appreciate things I might not have noticed without you. Sandy and others have said similar things.”

I ask, “Why don’t they and you share that with me?”

“Dah, maybe because they think it is strange to learn some things from a girl they thought was a boy. Even if they like it, they might be afraid to say it to others. If you weren’t one of my best friends, I don’t know if I would have been such a good friend back if I had time to think about it.”

Mom, “Jess, I am learning, and as Marie says, appreciating more things just by having you in my life.”

Marie spoke, “I don’t think I thanked you for all you have done. I am lucky to have you and your mom here as friends.” My body was tingly and getting aroused, but I was not sexual as much as it was sensual, and how Marie’s friendship was special and moved me even without being sexually involved.

“I can’t believe Mrs. Petersen’s your Mom and you have a family as a girl. Mrs. P, you are even more awesome than I thought before,” said Marie. Amongst the spoken words, there are so many unspoken communications and just sharing time together. Like I sit next to Mom or Marie and begin reading what they were reading, or scanning the pages while resting on their shoulder.

“Both my parents are awesome. Part of Dad being awesome is he loves Mom.” I could feel Mom getting hot with feelings as she cried and hugged me tighter. Dad finally came into the room with Bree and to ask if things were okay. We drew both of them into a hug. Everyone was quiet, even Bree knew it was a special moment.

“It’s not just a woman thing Mr. P, we think Mom Petersen has a macho man with some of a woman’s sensitivity that makes you an awesome guy,” said Marie.

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” Dad responded.

“That’s an awesome compliment, honey.” Mom suggested Marie call her parents and stay the night if it was okay. Marie suggested she needed to get home and help with something. Mom suggested her parents could do without her. Marie called and Mom was right.”

Mom and Dad left us alone, but Mom made a strong suggestion that we just talk and have a pajama party. “Does that mean we can invite Sandy?” Within a half-hour, Sandy was over and we were doing each other’s nails or redoing hair. It was 10:30 when we checked on Bree and asked Mom if she could stay with us.

Mom liked the idea, but when she looked at Dad, I was embarrassed by what they might have been thinking. Sandy was the first one to speak up, “I wouldn’t mind having time alone with him if I were Mrs. P.”

I said, “Sandy, please don’t say something like that about my Dad.”

“I’m sorry Jessie, but he doesn’t look like a dad. He looks like he is only twenty-something.”

“He is and Mom's only twenty-six.” We all laughed and talked about me being their sixteen-year-old daughter. Marie said Mom could model for Victoria Secrets and Sandy suggested Dad could be on a large poster as a “hottie”. I was changing Bree’s diaper and the smell brought us back to reality.

“They even make beautiful babies,” shared Marie. Bree smiled and we all laughed. “You agree with us don’t you Bree.” She laughed and smiled even more.

We got a lot of blankets and towels and made a bed on the floor for Bree and us around her. She fell asleep as we talked for another two hours. Mom came in and said we needed to go to bed and be quiet so Bree could sleep. Mom visited with us for about 15 minutes. It was not like having a mother in the room but an older sister that we looked up to.

Marie asked, “Mrs. P, how did you meet your husband?”

Mom started to share, but then had second thoughts about it. “Mrs. P it’s not like you’re a regular mom, plus I’ve already asked my mom how they met a long time ago.”

“We like and admire our moms but it’s not like they are hot and our dads are not like your husband.”

“If my husband is hot maybe I should send you home to take cold showers,” Mom said with a laugh and a smile.

“Mrs. P…” “Mom, don’t say something like that.”

Mom smirked and got up and left. Marie spoke, “You know Jess you look and act a lot like your mom here.” Sandy agreed with Marie. “Your biological mom is pretty nice too, but it is something how you look more and more like Ms. Petersen.”

I must have fallen asleep first because my pajama bottom was off when I woke up, luckily my gaff was in place. There was a cherry smashed by my hips. My mascara was overdone as were my lips. Mom had taken a picture of my face, but thankfully not more.

My Mom said quite strongly we needed to be careful about pictures like the one with the cherry. They should never be sent to others nor shown on the internet. That morning we made a pact not to do something to each other that could be misused. Sandy had us agree we wouldn’t even do it to others. “That way,” she says, “if someone ever accused one of us we would know better.” It was my first covenant between girlfriends and my heart was engraved with honor.

Mom called me to help with breakfast but personally came in to check on me when I said I needed to clean my face. She thanked me for taking Brianna and congratulated me on hosting my first sleepover.

I was walking Marie home when my real mother called out to say hello. Marie took my hand and we went over to my old house. My mother said she was pleased to see how pretty I was. She wanted to know if I would be willing to have some old family jewelry. She gave me a hug when I smiled and said yes.

My brother in high school was home and visited without giving me the traditional hard time. He said he was sorry about how he treated me, but he was still more comfortable with a sister someplace else, instead of a brother who became a girl and lived with him.

“It hurts some, but I know it is probably true for all of us. I hope sometime I can be part of both my families.”

I visited with my mother alone for a few minutes. It was awkward saying things were good with the Petersens. While I missed my family, I didn’t have any regrets about being with the Petersens. Mom heard I would soon be officially adopted by the Petersens.

I shared, “It is spooky that Mom Petersen anticipates things like you did when I was Jeff. Sometimes she knows things even before I do.” My mother shared, your other mom has more experience being a girl, and part of it is the instinct of being a mother.

“I am sorry I did not grow up as your daughter, I think it would have been good for both of us.” My mother smiled and hugged me and Marie and I left.

Mrs. Ford was happy to hear that I had a good visit with my mother. “You know she will always be your mother; like Sharon but different.”

“Yes, I know; I hope someday it will be nice and I can celebrate both. Part of me feels guilty, but I see myself as a Petersen now.”

The baseball Coach had told Coach Tripp about my catching ability so I was now recruited onto the softball team. Other students didn’t know, but we had an agreement I would not catch more than half the games.

I had planned to watch Kirk play baseball, but now that was not usually possible. We continued to date but as Kirk became known as a good pitcher and ballplayer competition arose. I was kind of happy since I didn’t want to be with just one boy.

But it also hurt as it was harder being just a friend after we dated. Somebody had the need to say I was not as beautiful as my Mom. I knew it, but it hurt my feelings that someone had to say it.

Playing softball also had its drawbacks as a few teams protested I had previously been listed as a boy. I was glad that by the time the season began my breasts were able to look natural.

Kirk asked me to the Prom though he had dated another girl. When he said it was only fair he asked me first, I shared I did not like such a reason for asking me. I said he could ask me again in three days if he wanted. We talked after that and agreed he should go with the other girl he was dating.

I wanted to go to the prom and to be able to hunt for a pretty prom dress, but now I needed to hope another junior or Senior would ask me. I got asked out by a guy named Steve, but he attended the neighboring high school. Luckily when we went out we were with some of his friends and I felt it would be fun going to his prom.

My softball coach had different thoughts. The softball schedule did take into account our prom date, but there was a conflict with two games on the day of the Mid-Rivers’ prom date. Mom said I could go to the prom but Coach stated if I went to that prom instead of playing ball, I might as well quit the team or plan to sit out the remainder of the season.

My parents decided I was not to quit but live with the consequences. Coach accepted my decision but gave one more consequence and that was I would not receive a varsity letter or jacket even if I had the required playing time. Dad said it would not be fair and he would fight it if it happened.

Mom and I went looking for my prom dress. I had again complained about not being allowed to get my driver’s permit. Mom shared that my becoming a girl was enough of a change for anyone. We want you to take your time in becoming and being a girl than trying to do everything age-appropriate we think would be overwhelming.

“When you do get a permit and later a driver’s license, I hope you are not expecting us to help get you a new car or to give over one of our cars for your use while you leave us to adjust our schedules to your sweet liking.”

“We were going through one formal dress shop very thoroughly; we picked out three gowns we were interested in. Mom helped me into one gown decked out in red satin. The gown looked and felt beautiful, but alas the color and style did not work well on me.

Patti a friend of Steve’s had come over. The saleswoman and Mom were helping me try on another gown. It looked and felt like a blend of silk or satin with some lacework. When I asked for the price and was told it was $645 but was just that day being reduced to $367. Mom shared it was a beautiful gown, but that she could only spend up to $150.

I asked if she knew about my savings account and if I had access to it. She did know and shared it was available to me but my mother, I and she had to transfer it over into my new name and identity. I asked to purchase it if I paid for half of the dress if she thought it would be a good purchase.

She shared it would but that I should consider less expensive gowns as well as ways of replenishing my account and get back to earning money.

Mom gave the down payment and we were in the fitting room with me being measured and fitted for the dress when with disappointment I spotted a gown that caught my eye and stole my heart. It was an ever so light mint green. “Awe mom look at that beautiful gown, why couldn’t it have been out there. It looks close to my size.”

Mom laughed and comforted me, “You already have the prettiest gown we can afford.” I went over and pulled it off where it was hanging and just had to hold it up in front of me.

The owner just came back to fit me and saw me and the down. “Wow, that is a good look for you.” Mom agreed. The woman asked if I would like to try it on. I was taken back, “You would let me try on someone else’s gown?”

“No, unfortunately, the young lady selected another gown two weeks ago and just told me and asked for her deposit back today. It is a beautiful gown, like the one you selected but it is now going back out on the floor. My problem is not every girl can wear it.”

The woman encouraged my mom to allow me to try one before she told us the price. “You have such a nice delicate top if your Mom is not against it. I would suggest you wear it without a bra.” Mom looked and said something about a lining and the woman agreed. As the woman was zipping up the back I was fitting into the gown like a glove. I loved it even more than when I saw it on me in the mirrors.

With a smile, the owner shared it is very well made. “I think it is even better for this young lady than the expensive one she chose. It was $426 but is now at $169 before tax. I would ask one favor though… Would you please come by here after you are already for your prom so we can have a professional picture taken? Ms. Petersen, I have heard about you and your young lady and I am pleased to meet you both.”

Mom snapped a picture of me in the gown and sent it to Dad. We visited as the new gown was written up and the owner made one notation in measuring the gown, as she recommended a slit up the side. Deidra was more excited when she heard my date was from another school district, and neither was bad or troublesome in reputation.

Deidra asked what kind of shoes or heel was I wearing. Mom knew we hadn’t selected a pair yet, but I shared I was interested in either a nice 2  ½ heel or if need be a 3” heel. Both asked why I was leaning that way. I shared I heard too many girls and women get dressed up, complain when they are so beautiful that their shoes were killing them.

“If I am going to look good in a dress, I want to get the most out of wearing something so beautiful.” Mom smiled, and I asked what was so funny and Deidra shared, “Your Mom and I just wish we had your common sense.” Mom shook her head in agreement.

On the way home Mom’s face quickly turned sad. I asked what was up but she said it was just good news that could wait another day. I persisted but Mom said, “It was good news I want to share with your Dad first, but it can wait and today we will let you and the gown to take the spotlight.”

“Mom, if it is about a baby you can’t hold that back.” Mom was surprised that I would guess that.

“Mom, that is way too wonderful to bring sadness by stuffing it down inside you. You have opened your heart and given a place to me in your home. Your baby will be my sister, how could I wish you not to share. No wonder your heart ached. I don’t think that is healthy.” Mom pulled over to give me a hug and shared more of her news.

“Please let Matt be the first I tell.”

Mom blushed when I said “He’s the one who did it to you of course you should tell him first. It must have been that night in April.”

Mom smiled but said that was enough. “Women might figure out things but we do it well to be quiet about saying anything.”

“Is that why you women smile at one another while not saying anything?” Sometimes was the answer, reminding me I had much more to learn as a woman. Bree was giggling in her car seat, seemingly on how we were visiting. I always wanted to take her out of her seat and hold her, but Mom insisted she stay in her car seat. “But think before you laugh at ‘you women’ because you’re speaking about yourself.

“Jessie, did you hear what Deidra was saying about your figure and not wearing a bra with the gown? Are you comfortable with that?”

“I didn’t know if that was a compliment or a nice way of saying I didn’t need one because my breasts were small.”

“No honey, you are nicely endowed and the gown fits and compliments your figure so well. We think the lining will be just enough to hold you in and to be comfortable and not show when you get aroused.”

“Mom, I am not going to get aroused.”

“If you are a red-blooded girl, I wouldn’t be surprised that your body responds when Steve is up close and dancing with you. If you don’t know it, I have already seen that your breasts get aroused.” Mom explained about the areole enlarging and forming bumps.

“Thanks, Mom, are they supposed to get feelings without me knowing that I’m getting excited or my panties get damp?”

“You ask good questions. Yes, either place can have feelings without the other or even you knowing it. Most often it involves you being emotionally involved as well, they and the whole body will be involved. But that is for special times with a special person and not casual sex. Do you see yourself sometimes being deeply in love with someone?”

“Maybe sometime in the future Mom; I am surprised when I find myself looking at boys?”

“You didn’t look at boys before? Your friend Eddy does, I thought just maybe.”

“I guess, Eddy said I did it only happened when I was around Marie and other girls too much.”

“Wow young lady, I thought you might have, but I wasn’t sure you would ever trust me enough to share. I thank you very much. We will have to talk some more, but please as you are comfortable.”

I waited for Mom to put her hand in my hair and mess it up, but then again I am a girl and that was a father-son thing I guess. Mom took my hand and gave it a squeeze. Mom asked how I felt. I didn’t say anything but Mom wouldn’t let me go.

We were home from shopping and after we put everything away. Mom asked Dad if it was okay if she and I talked. He asked if everything is alright and she smiled. Seemingly they knew I would need times with one or the other now and then.

Mom changed into something comfortable and suggested I get dressed for bed. Dad had fixed some cheese, crackers, and some munchies and water drinks. Mom brought an overstuffed pillow into my room and was at the head of the bed. I didn’t know what a good mother-daughter time should look like but this was like heaven. I sat next to mom and we were looking at each other but no words.

“Mom, I want to share something, but it’s hard when I am looking at you. I want to share things I haven’t said even to myself. And I want you to talk to me as my mom but I don’t know how to relax.”

Mom smiled and I knew she was not mad but instead had a good idea. “Jess put your head in my lap; I’ll brush your hair, run my fingers through it or just gently slide my hand down your back. I want you to relax and let some dream clouds surround you, and when you are comfortable the words will come.”

As a young boy, I had placed my head on my mother’s lap sometimes when we rode someplace and the image came back. I quickly saw the soft colors of light among the puffy clouds and Mom’s lap was mine and another angel beautiful, wise, and love was caring for me. “Mom, you are in the dream clouds with me and I feel so good.”

“Jess, I think you have had some neat thoughts and feelings, but you felt guilty or afraid to share them. I want you to know you are safe and warmly loved.” She put a baby blanket on me. So how did you or Jessie feel?”

“I often deny things and then softened. One day a year and a half of the year before, Eddy was hurt by someone. He was feeling bad about himself in a way I was afraid and uncomfortable. He asked me ‘What kind of boy could look at and love another boy?’ I told him any normal boy but most will deny it.

He brightened up just a little, ‘but would a normal boy want to kiss or hug him?’ I said you did and we do sometimes hug. ‘But you know what I mean, have you ever had an urge to kiss or be kissed by a boy?’

After Eddy asked the question there was silence and then he spoke again, ‘You haven’t had you?’ Well, Eddy kissed me that day. It was a half year later some older boys were chasing Eddy and I cut them off with my bike and Eddy got away.

I rode off but one of them had a bike and he chased me a few blocks I cut through the park while he trying to catch up to me. I ran and tried to hide but that wasn’t too smart. Gordy caught up to me and pinned me down but before he hit me, he wanted me to confess I was queer.

I said I wasn’t but that wasn’t even a nice name. He held one of my arms and told me to get up. He punched me in the stomach to take my breath away. He told me they liked to get a pansy like me to kiss one or more of them before they beat him up. And he asked, “Have you been kissed before?” I told him yes… by my mom and others. You are just looking for an excuse to kiss me and beat me up. Go ahead and do it if you want, but I am not sure you don’t really want to kiss me.

He said I was crazy but he led me further into the woods and hit me in the gut so I wouldn’t run before he kissed me. When he did we both liked it and knew it. We both professed we weren’t gay, but we hid and kissed for a while. I asked Gordy to lay off Eddy and other kids.

“He asked ‘or what’ you’re going to tell?’ Gordy said he would if I came over to his house. We became friends for about 2-3 months, but stopped when it went too far.”

“Jess can I ask was it something bad that happened or what?”

“What Mom, neither wanted to be gay but we were… we really liked each other. First, when he got hard we would ignore it, but once we were playing on the computer. He wasn’t aroused, but I touched him to distract him, then he touched me and we both liked it. So we would kiss and roll around and...”

Mom stroked my hair and allowed us to be quiet. I tried talking about other things but came back to it.

“At first he didn’t like it that I was another guy and Gordy complained. I told him that the Fords were throwing away some of Marie’s clothes and asked how he might feel if he saw me more as a girl? He asked me if I was willing to be a girl for him. We didn’t talk, but the next time I went over I had some girl clothes.

“He brushed my hair after I changed and he had me use some of his sister’s lipstick and eye shadow. We started to kiss… Mom, do you really want me to say this?”

“Jess if it is a secret that you haven’t been able to share it may be good to share. “You need to feel good and comfortable that you are sharing it with me. I love you and that won’t change.”

“When I dressed like a girl he’d, we got excited. He took off my panties and he went inside me and we made love. Once his mom or sister kind of caught us but they didn’t come in. We did it one more time when he broke off our friendship.” I didn’t tell anyone. I knew it was bad and I felt bad ever since. I didn’t even tell Dr. Deb”

“Why didn’t you tell Dr. Deb or anyone else?”

“Dr. Deb would have thought that is why I wanted to be a girl to have sex. But I wanted to be a girl ever since 1st grade. I learned in Kindergarten I couldn’t play in the playhouse because I wasn’t a girl."

“Why did you feel bad about Gordy loving you? It sounded like you both liked it.”

“I did enjoy it, but now I know it was wrong and bad.”

“Do you think of it as being bad, because others think it is bad?”

“I’m not sure, but I think that part of you that is Jess may have liked it or became angry because you weren’t the girl you wanted to be. Jess if a girl has sex with a boy when she shouldn’t; there is a conflict inside, part of the girl might like it and a part of her is saying it was bad because she shouldn’t have been doing it. I think if boys go as far as you and Gordy did there might be a conflict between what you felt and what you think.”

“How did it feel when he came and you felt the warmth of his cum inside you?”

“Mom, how can you ask such a thing?”

“I can ask, because I have been a girl, and my daughter is feeling bad about something that might have felt warm and beautiful.”

“It was Mom, but how can you want me to acknowledge that.”

“Because if it were me, it is what I as a mom would like you to know. Do I want you to wait for a better time yes, but I don’t want you scared of sex or your feelings? I think you are a beautiful young girl with a lot of feelings and passion. I do not want you to lose that.”

“May I change the subject,” she asked, “bringing it up to now. I suspect you have explored your new body and realize you have different feelings. How do you feel about guys now? What do you like to look for in a guy?”

“I also want to speak to your upcoming adoption; we would like to rename you, Grace Marie Petersen.” I smiled as I was excited about being adopted and the name was very nice, but I asked, “If I were born to you wouldn’t my name be more likely Grace Sharon Petersen.”

Sharon, “I thought that was a bit presumptuous of me and I thought since Marie was your best friend, you would prefer Marie. Which name would you prefer?”

My new name upon being adopted would be Grace Sharon Petersen. Fortunately, the formal adoption would be after prom, and the school year was done.

I was catching, playing second base, or riding the bench as the season was progressing. But with attending a Prom at another school things would change. I was dating Steve and liked him a lot and our relationship was getting warmer.

Did I just say, I loved Steve a lot? Wow! My life is changing and in so many ways.

I guess I should be surprised about how well I was now doing in school with a teacher as a mom, but when Sharon said I was doing it on my own I felt really proud. Before a good day in school was having fun and not letting education get in the way of that. I had received two-term papers back today and was ahead in completing another as well as in doing a group project with Sandy and Marie.

I got an A+ and an A on one paper in composition and an A- in a history paper. We were doing a project on recycling in which we got fourth and sixth graders to do recycling posters for a contest and fifth, seventh, and ourselves to head up a three-week recycling drive at the three school levels.

Our community offered to recycle but less than 10% of the community participated. Come, the end of the third week we announce the early results by grades and a natural competition developed during the last week. The City Council agreed to reward each school with half of the added revenue for that period to go toward computers for the schools.

I liked the idea of making a difference but I never really believed I could outside of helping a friend. Coach Hayek volunteered a dozen football players to help collect items at the schools and get them to the recycling center. He laughed that it would replace a spring condition program he could not mandate.

Another change was I was wearing contacts and with that, I began to enjoy reading a lot more. Mom’s persistence in getting me to study was paying off. But with the results, I was getting it was more enjoyable. Three days a week I was now in study groups, preparing for tests and going over reading and study assignments. The people in one study group did not match another, so I was making new significant friends.

All these things together changed my environment as bullies who tried to take advantage of my size or those disliking my being transgendered found it more difficult to harass me and others. I didn’t become the most popular person, but I had enough friends and sensitive people that stepped up and made a stand.

I almost got suspended for being in a fight as Jack F. and Dennis and Donnie M. had jumped John Fletcher for his lunch and project money. I forgot I was now a girl and I jumped Dennis and we went sailing into some hall lockers. I was in Jack’s face as others came by and stepped in.

I would have and should have been suspended but the Principal wanted to punish the three punks and suspending them from school was like giving them a holiday. He gave me the option of fighting anyone of the three boys.

I picked Dennis though he was not the weakest of the three. And I chose to wrestle him though my real father had taught me to box. We had one girl wrestler in school. She and I both knew Dennis could be pushed over or taken down. I could not officially hit him but swinging my arms was allowed.

Dennis like a professional wrestler made the mistake of playing to the crowd and did not expect me to attack him as a crazy girl. He was flat on his stomach and I had one leg locked halfway up. He was a pretty boy who did not like pain nor his hair messed up. Trying to get his shoulders down I was also pushing his face into the mat as my arm kept slipping off his hair. I loved it and was very happy it did not backfire on me.

Dance lessons gave me an advantage in improving my sense of balance. It paid off in the second period when I started in the prone position. I was able to stand up but wasn’t free of his grip. Leslie thought he would try to kick one of my legs out to take me back down. She said I needed to be ready as soon as he lifted his kicking leg to catch him off balance. I did, and we went crashing back and I was turning around as we did.

Humble and hurt Dennis began to cry and I was quickly in his face and holding down his shoulders. After I pinned him I stayed in his face and had to be pulled off. It was not a nice thing to happen to a guy’s ego, but he was now marked for how he could be beaten.

Mom and Dad were half proud of me, but officially I was grounded. It was the same discipline I would have faced from my natural parents. Mom knew my ego and that I would get in more fights if I went unpunished.

I was glad I won the fight, but I was happier that was no longer the way I settled things. Mom said, “It does a girl good to work on having a pretty complexion while being thick-skinned.” I can’t count the number of times in five months I would like to have smacked someone for what they said or did. People could be real jerks at times, but when I saw them I would remind myself that use to be me.

I haven’t become a saint, but I have become a better person. More than a dozen times I went home to give Mom or Bree a big hug for seemingly no reason. I can vouch when someone says there is more to being a girl than a dress and make-up.

Mom told me it was part of my growing up and becoming a woman instead of a girl. “You would have eventually done the same thing as Jeff if you became a man.” I disagreed saying Jeff would still be wrestling with that person inside of him.

Mom did allow me to go to the promenade before the prom at our high school to see Marie, Sandy, and many other friends in their prom gowns. I am sure, besides the fact, Jeff would not have gone to see the promenade, neither would I have seen how truly beautiful the dresses and my friends were in them.

I did not laugh as some when Eydie, Eddy, dared to come to the promenade in his gown. I applauded as Mom bumped me forward out in front of Eydie and her escort. I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Eydie had been helped by his mom and another girl from school to look so good along with going to a salon.

Marie looked more beautiful than ever and I was choked with emotions as I tried to tell her. If there was one thing I could do other than being a girl, it would be to have Marie at my side as a guy. Mom gave me a hug and encouraged me to say something even with tears. “Marie, you are so beautiful, I love your gown.”

Marie giggled, “We can play Barbie sometimes.” Mom has been a teacher for most of the girls were having as much fun as I was. She was dressed up enough that many of the girls and some guys wanted a picture with the foxy teacher.

I would have like a picture with Marie and Sandy but I didn’t think before I came to the Promenade. My hair was not brushed out; I had on shorts and a tank top with little make-up on. Marie didn’t mind but I did and Mom agreed with me.

Dad was watching Bree while we were gone, but Bree was her observant little self as we came through the door. “Sissy, you were crying.” Bree ran and jumped into my arms. She used her hands to shape my mouth into a smile then hugged me and told me she loved me.

She took me to her room and asked me to pull off her comforter from her bed to the floor and brought her pillows down. “Sissy, you get ready for bed and come back and sleep with me.” I did change into my nightclothes and a robe and said I would sleep in her room but it was too early for bed.

Mom came into my room, “Why don’t you take a nice shower and relax before you change. I am very proud of you and we all love you.” As I showered I could feel my mood lighten. The water cascading down my breasts and through my long hair reminded me of the joy of being a girl. Even my male parts were but a reminder that I was still ‘becoming’.

When I joined the family into the living room, they were happy to see that my mood had changed. I had brought out what was needed to redo my nails.

Mom had put on a girl movie and Dad was going along, enjoying Mom at his side. I finished my nails and asked who was next, and Mom suggested I do my father’s feet. I pulled off his socks to find the usual male mess.

I went to their master bathroom and got his nail clippers, a new emery board, and mom’s nail kit. First I used some Curel lotion to moisten the rough skin and to give him a foot massage and then started in with his nail clippers. They were harder, thicker, and uneven but it was nice to see the change as I proceeded. Each foot required its own emery board as it was like trying to shape ragged concrete and old boards. Using mom’s tools I worked around his cuticles and cut away excess or hard dry skin.

I asked him what color her wanted, but got no response so I went with a pretty blue. Dad was a good sport as I actually put on two coats and a clear finish. All of us forgot it was a weekend and Dad like to wear his sandals for much of what he did exce[ptm to church.

Mom giggled and thanked me for doing a good job but said it was now time for bed. It was still early for me, but Mom said, “It’s late for Brianna and she already asked you to sleep with her.” I got my pillow, comforter, and a doll as I made my way to Bree’s room.

Mom and dad had both come to tuck us in and give us o goodnight kiss. I was surprised by how relaxed I was and how quickly I fell asleep hugging both my doll and Bree. Mom had sprayed a light flower scent into the air as we drifted asleep. It was a nice light scent to wake up to in the morning.

It was about 6:00 a.m. when Bree woke up and woke me up asking for her diaper to be changed. We stayed awake playing with dollies and their pets the stuffed animals. Bree told me which were wild animals and which were house pets. We differed about Teddy Bears as she insisted all Teddy bears were friendly.

Dad poked his head in to tell us we would be going out for breakfast. A number of people turned their heads, though the hostess kept her cool when she saw Daddy’s painted toenails. I told Dad I was sorry but he told me not to be that I had done a really good job as he smiled.

One man said something, to which my dad replied, “Too bad you don’t have daughters, you wouldn’t mind.”

The man said, “I have a daughter and sons, and wouldn’t allow himself to be such an example.”

I spoke up saying, “My Daddy rushed over a 1,000 yards in college football and his feet are tough like any man’s.” The man started to reply, but my Dad suggested we should just agree to disagree.

It was then I received my first text message from Marie and she laughed because I sent her a picture of my Dad’s feet. I reminded her it was not to be sent around before I asked for her pictures from the prom. Mom made me stop texting until after breakfast and our visit as a family.

My parents told me while we were eating that I was no longer grounded. I asked if Steve invited me out could we go on a date. I was given permission but I couldn’t ask or encourage him.

The restaurant had a little gift shop area that Mom likes to look around in as we did this morning. Two girls and a mom each asked Dad if they could take a picture of his feet to which he agreed. Mom’s feet were in two of the pictures. He and my Mom were asked if I was their daughter or their niece as they looked too young to be my parents. Mom was upset when I shared I was soon to be their adopted daughter.

Mom later shared, “No one should need to explain how they are a member of the family.”

Come Monday, Tuesday and Thursday I played in all of the five games since I was well-rested, not having already gone to the prom. We won all but one game and I was not the catcher in that game. The coach thanked me for what I did, but that I still should not expect to play or receive a varsity letter if I went to a prom.

Two girls on the team heard her warning and were upset and told the other players. One of the girls warned the coach she would be very upset if that meant they did not reach the state playoffs. Since I was not allowed in the girls’ locker room, I was not privy to any other discussion, save from Sandy later.

My Mom handed Coach a written excuse stating I would be missing tomorrow’s classes and the team’s game with their permission as I was going to attend a prom which I was graciously invited to as a date. Mom stated to the coach, “That she would be very disappointed if that kept me from missing more than a game as was the coach’s general rule.”

I was surprised that Mom took the day off as a teacher to take me to the salon as well as to get my picture at the dress shop. We had a fun day as Mom’s sister Jenn was along either taking pictures or helping me or Bree.

We got home at four and Steve was not picking me up until 5:00 for their promenade but Jenn hurried me to take off my gown and get to the toilet. It was a hassle getting in and out of the gown, more so without help. Jenn gave me some suggestions on what to do if I need to go to the bathroom while at the prom or after-prom party while in her gown. “Jess even if you don’t plan to wear it again, you should take it off properly, hang it up and protect it.” She told me to call her when I was ready to take it off.

She talked to me about how I felt about Steven and what we might do tonight. I knew before she said it that it would be confidential between her and me and not go to my parents. She fixed my hair and helped me touch up my make-up, then told me to be in no rush when Steve came.

She left and sent in my Dad, so he could not intimidate Steven. It was something her Mom did for two of the three daughters.

To be continued…

I welcome kudos, comments, and emails to the author. Reaching 1,000 kudos was an unspoken goal and I want to give my thanks to all who have helped me to reach that since I began posting stories in March. I have appreciated the help of two editors/proofreaders and the constructive advice I have received through comments and emails.