Here Comes the Troubleshooter!
Here comes the Troubleshooter!
Entry 1: I cant argue with Carl, at least not about this. He thinks its a good idea to write down my cases, both for myself, and possibly as a way to get business. I’m not a professional writer, but I’ve done enough incident reports that I’ll give it my best shot.
So where do I start? Well, today’s case was pretty typical of what I do now. I had a client who wanted a drug den moved out of her neighborhood, so I spent a couple of days doing recon on the place, figuring out the best way to .... convince them moving would be a good idea.
Now if I was still the old me, I wouldn’t have worried two cents about drug dealers. I mean, if you’re stupid enough to take drugs, you’re just taking up space in the gene pool, so who cares? But as the saying goes, that was then, this is now.
Once I had made my recon, I put on my uniform, and get busy. The place looks like a typical three bedroom, one floor house, but they’ve reinforced the door, and I’m pretty sure the windows have been replaced with bullet-proof glass. Its only got one real weak spot, so I wait for a tweaker to come to to the door, and slip in behind him.
Once I’m in the door, I toss a special toy created by Carl into the main room. Its a customized version of the flash-bang devices police use, and it does the job nicely. It pops off a loud noise and bright light like the police version, but then it does much more. It produces a continual scream, flashing lights, and as a last touch, tear gas.
Within a minute the people inside the house are totally off balance, and that allows me to do my thing. There’s about a dozen people in the main room, mostly tweakers who aren’t going to be a problem. But there are three guys with sidearms, and one dude with a shotgun, so I move fast.
Spin heel kick takes out shotgun dude, then judo flip throw handles one guard who makes the mistake of reaching for me instead of his weapon. I leap over to guard two, and take him out with an elbow to the solar plexus followed by a uppercut to chin with the heel of my hand.
Last guy has got his weapon out, so I take out a throwing star and hit him in the wrist with it, forcing him to drop the gun. I pull out my sword, and get the guys attention by putting it an inch from his crotch, which puts the breaks on any ideas of resistance he might have had.
“Downstairs.” I shout into his ear, and soon we are headed for the basement.
Once down there, I say “Where are the drugs? And if you try to lie to me you’ll lose your family jewels.”
He points to the freezer, and I smile, even though he cant see it behind the mask covering the lower half of my face.
I cuff him to a pipe, and go to the freezer. I take out a layer of Hungry Man dinners, and then hit the jackpot.
I go back over to the guy, and put my blade to his neck.
“Can you hear me?” I ask him politely.
He squeaks out “Yes.”
“Good. I have a message for you to take to whoever runs this house. Move out of this neighborhood. Or I’ll be back.”
I then pull out a napalm grenade out of my bag, and toss it into the freezer.
I’m up the stairs and out the door by the time it goes boom.
I do a zigzag course back home, and sneak into the garage, where we keep my hero stuff. I hang up the belt and the bag, and strip off the suit. Its a marvel, one of Carl’s best works - light as anything, smooth as silk to my skin, and yet tough enough to turn a blade or stop a bullet.
I pull off the black wig, and remove my DD padded bra (gives guys somewhere to look other than my face), and then my jockey shorts (Yeah, I like men’s briefs. Got a problem with it?) Then I slip off my gaff, and let my little soldier breathe again.
I take a peek at myself in the mirror, and shake my head. Even with a buzz cut and no makeup I look like a girl with something extra between her legs, just like I have for the last year, since my encounter with a goddess left me with a curse.
I take a quick shower, and go upstairs, to where Carl is making me dinner. Even in bare feet he hears me coming, and turns and smiles at me. He’s a big guy, and even though he isnt a soldier anymore he still carries himself like one.
Dumb-ass “Dont ask, dont tell” policy ended his military career, but he seems happy now.
“How did it go? Or considering how horny you look do I even need to ask?”
I blush a bit, realizing that both my breasts and my male equipment are at full attention. “It went great. And yes, I’m randy as hell now.”
“Well, supper is ready, you should eat first.”
“As long as I get you for desert.”
What follows after food isnt for public consumption, but lets just say both of us will be walking funny for a while.
He’s dropped off to sleep with a smile still plastered to his big mug, while I try and wind down on my own. My stamina is beyond human, so what exhausted him only made me slightly less amped up, so this is the perfect time to type this out on the computer.
Beyond human.
I’m still getting used to that.
Suddenly, I do feel sleepy, so I’ll sign off for now. Maybe next time I’ll tell the story of how I ended up being who I am now.
But no promises.
*******
Here Comes the Troubleshooter! Part 2 - The Troubleshooter transforms.
Next morning I wake up to Carl cooking an omelet. He approaches cooking like he does his inventions, and more often than not the results are amazing. Which is a good thing because I have super-strong senses including taste, which can be a lot less fun than you might think.
While I’m waiting for breakfast, I put on the TV and they’re showing footage of the latest Superior. He looks like a teenager, maybe eighteen years old, and he’s pretty good. Apparently, some robbers took off with a bank truck full of money, and then this kid comes out of nowhere, doing better than sixty miles an hour, without a car. Then he makes this amazing leap and lands in front of the truck. He sticks out a hand like a policeman trying to control traffic, and the truck hits him dead on.
The truck breaks apart like he was made of solid steel, and shortly the robbers are in custody, and the kid takes off without talking to the press. Just as the talking heads were starting to chatter about him Carl called me to come eat, and I put the kid out of my head. I might be more than human, but I have no interest in joining Commander Ares on his Compound. Let him and his friends handle the super-villains out to take over the world, I’m carving out my own niche.
After we ate, Carl went down into his workshop to do his thing, and I went to have a bit of a workout. I get into that zone you can sometimes find when doing something really physical, and so I miss the warning signs that my curse is about to hit at full force again. It isnt until the pain starts that I remember why Carl didnt have me booked for any appointments today.
Trust me to be dumb enough to forget what day it was.
I must have cried out when the pain hit, because by the time I hit the floor Carl was with me, cradling my head.
Part of me wants to push him away, to not let him see me like this. The other part wants to hold on to him with everything in me.
The “hold me” part wins - this time.
By the time my transformation is done, I have fur, a tail and a face like a cat-human hybrid. I wept, and Carl soothed me until I gained control of myself.
“Come on Andi.” Carl said, and took my hand. He led me across the room, tossed aside a rug, and pulled on the ring beneath it.
He led me down into a cave below our house, and it was a wonder, and perfectly designed for my current form.
If I had been capable of speech, I would have thanked him a thousand times.
I kissed him instead.
Once we both got our breath back, he asked me, “Do you want me to stay down here with you? Or would you rather be alone?”
As much as I love him, I hate having him deal with me in this state. So I guided him back to the stairs and motioned that he should go.
I kept myself together until he was gone, and then I let go.
The next couple of days are a bit of a blur, because my thinking was not quite human. I was a creature of mostly instinct, and hardly aware of much else. Carl came down a couple of times a day to check on me and to leave me some food, which I probably would have refused if I had the choice. In the state I was in, I much preferred to catch my food while it was still alive ....
On the third day I returned to my normal state, and Carl helped me climb back up into the house.
“Thank you. For all of this. I’ve been dreading my change, but at least down there I’m safe.”
“My pleasure.”
“Carl, why are you so good to me?”
“You have to ask? I fell in love with you the first time I saw you.”
“I was a big strapping man then.”
“That was just the package. Its what’s inside you that makes you special. Like how you’re using your gifts to help regular people .”
“For a fee. I’m working for the cash. I’m no hero.”
“If that’s what you need to tell yourself.”
I just glared at him.
“Listen, speaking of work, there’s an offer on the table that could help us a lot financially.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“It means going back to the Middle East.”
“Just great. Back to where this crazy thing started.”
So I guess I should actually talk about how I ended up like this before any readers get so annoyed at me they quit reading.
For me, it started when I met Carl. I was an Army grunt, but I had dazzled my superiors with my skills as a sharpshooter, and they were trying to figure out how to best take advantage of me. They decided to pull me from the front lines and make me a guard inside one of our desert bases, so I wouldnt get blown up by an IED while they worked things out.
I wasnt broken up about not getting killed, but I found waiting for them to make up their minds about me frustrating. Then I bumped into a guy in almost the same exact position - Carl.
He had started life as a regular soldier, but the inventions he was banging out on his off-hours had gotten the attention of the powers that be, and so they dropped him into a desk job until they could figure out the best way to take advantage of his talent.
With not much to do but kill time together, we became close, a lot closer than I had wanted. He was gorgeous , and having a brain as well as body is pretty damn sexy, but I was interested in going places I wouldnt reach if I got kicked out of the army for being gay.
Which didnt dissuade him, and eventually, he got me in bed. And as hard as I was fighting against it, I was losing my heart to him.
Even as I told myself not to. I tried to remind myself that love is a mug’s game, that such a relationship couldnt last under the conditions we were under, that if anybody found out I’d lose everything, but I did it anyway.
And of course, we were found out. Our CO was turning a blind eye to us, but someone on base decided we were doing something horrible, and managed to get some film of us with our pants down.
The court-martials didnt take too long, and soon we were headed back to the States in disgrace. Carl invited me to stay with him, and I took him up on the offer, trying to kid myself that it was just because I had no other place to be.
Our little vacation lasted about six months.
Then Pitchriver, a company that did work in both the military and intelligence communities, got a hold of Carl’s record, and decided they had to have this wiz-bang inventor working for them.
Carl agreed, but only if it was a package deal - they wanted him, they had to take me too, and no more hiding our relationship.
To my utter astonishment, they said yes.
So we were off to the desert again. Carl was given a state-of-the-art lab to play with, and I was given a job as self-defense instructor, and life seemed pretty good.
Until a crazy lady showed up, claiming to have solved the riddle of the Superiors.
Ever since Commander Ares had made his debut, people have been trying to find or create their own superhero, and failing, but this lady had figured out the problem.
Apparently, you needed a god.
And just our luck, she knew where to find one.
Pitchriver took one look at its roster of employees, and decided I was the best candidate to be elevated to being a Superior, and since I was pretty much going stir-crazy without something meaningful to do, I said yes.
Carl thought I was crazy, but said he’d back me if its what I wanted, so I kissed him goodbye and went off with this woman to find ourselves a god.
In retrospect, I’m really glad Carl didnt come with us.
Because that’s where everything went to hell.
Here comes the Troubleshooter!
Part 3: The Secret Origin of the Troubleshooter.
It feels like my life is about to go through a replay, and it wasnt all that much fun the first time. Last time I started to write down how I became what I am now, and got as far as me and Carl working for a company called Pitchriver in the MIddle East. And as I type this, I’m in a private plane headed back to the middle east with Carl at my side.
The reason why I stopped where I did was Carl came into the room, and decided I needed some.... relaxation after my last couple of days.
A couple of hours of his tender care later, I was VERY relaxed....
This morning I got into a slightly modified version my Troubleshooter outfit, and over it I put on a blouse and skirt set that would have looked quite appropriate for most offices. I put my wig into a more professional style, packed most of the weapons into a briefcase, and had this laptop in a case as well.
Now we are onboard the private plane of our client, trying to ignore the history between Carl and I and this company, and I finally have time to finish telling about how I got changed. As I said before, it started with this crazy lady showing up at Pitchriver with the offer of helping the company create its very own Superior. She claimed her name was Dr. Felis, and somehow convinced the company bigwigs that she was serious enough that they decided to give it a shot, and picked me as the person they wanted to elevate to superhero status.
Apparently, you couldn’t just summon a god anywhere. It had to be a place where the god was worshiped, that is, a temple. So she and I and a group of soldiers headed for an ancient city in Egypt where the god was worshiped.
It wasnt until we arrived that she corrected my idea of “a god” and instead admitted we were after a goddess.
I shrugged. What difference could it make?
We went into the ruin of a town, and she began directing us until we go to an old building, and said the temple was under it. Apparently, the desert had blown in enough to cover over the entrance, so the soldiers had to work for a couple of hours to expose it, and then we went in.
What happened next was not fun. You may remember in the first Indiana Jones movie, the place with all the booby traps?
Well, this temple had real ones, and it cost us three good men setting them off.
So it was with a smaller and much more pissed off crew that we got to the main area of the temple, and for the first time I caught a look at this goddess we were trying to get to do us a favor.
I thought, “Okay so she looked like a cross between a cat and a woman, so what?”
Dr. Felis set things up. while I felt ridiculous standing right in front of the dias. Then she began to chant in what sounded like Egyptian, trying to get the goddess’ attention.
Unfortunately, she succeeded, and the goddess was less than pleased ...
I didn’t understand all of the exchange, but the goddess said something about us not bringing the proper gifts, of bringing men of war to her temple, and something that sounded like punishment that would be taken.
And then she looked at me.
“You have skills, talents, potential. And yet you waste them in selfishness. When you learn better, you may serve.”
After I heard that, I passed out.
The next thing I knew, Carl was standing over me, and I looked like I did a couple of days ago - part man, part woman, and part cat. And even though a couple of days later I looked more human, I was a mess, spending most of my time curled up in a ball and crying.
Needless to say, the powers that be were less than pleased with that result, not to mention the fact that the soldiers who had gone with us were now a bunch of alley cats, and sent me back to the states.
Carl quit to look after me, taking me to the place he had inherited from his folks, and for a while, it was touch and go if I would live or choose to die.
Then, by chance, we were watching a re-run channel, and there was an old show on called “The equalizer.” It was about a former secret agent who now used his talents to help ordinary people, and I turned to Carl and said “I ... I want to do that.”
And that’s how the Troubleshooter started.
And it looks like I finished this story just in time, because we are about to land in the Middle East for the first time since we quit Pitchriver.
I’m so looking forward to it.
Not.
Here comes the Troubleshooter!
Part 4: The circle closes
Once we landed in the Middle East, we got ushered to a converted army base, where a bored looking guard called out our names without even looking at us. “Captain Andrew Mays and Sergeant Carl Ryan?”
“Actually, I go by Andi, now.” I said gently, “And we lost our ranks.”
He looked up, and did a double take. “Oh. Sorry.”
He didnt sound very sorry, which only made my bad mood worse, to the point I was ready to snap at anybody over anything, So when we made it to a large hangar and found most of the old Pitchriver gang including Dr. Felis looking like they were gearing up for something big, I turned to Carl and snapped, “Are you crazy? This is the bunch who dropped me like I was radioactive when their little summoning plan blew up in their face, and it looks like they’re about to try again. Why are we here?”
Carl looked down at the floor, and said, “Andi, please. I said yes to this for a couple of reasons, one is over here.” He pointed to a bunch of cats caught in cages, “They were able to find all the transformed men. I wanted to help restore them, if possible I ... signed off on the first trip, so ....”
I fumed, but realized he was dealing with his own guilt. “Okay Carl. For the men, I’ll do my best. But if we succeed, we’re on the next plane home, right?”
“Of course.”
I went over to Dr. Felis, and said, “You sure you got it right this time? That goddess of yours isnt going to get even more pissed off at us?”
“I have figured out what went wrong, and everything is set. Shall we go?”
“All right, let’s get this over with.”
We flew back to the ruins of the temple, and Dr. Felis set things up, saying “No soldiers this time, it offends her, apparently. And I’ve got some fruit, meat, and some gold and silver as gifts to the goddess.”
“Okay. Carl, you wait here, and we’ll be back with the men hopefully.”
“You sure you dont want me to come?”
“I’m not taking the chance. For all I know, we’ll all be alley cats by morning.”
He kissed me fiercely, and then said, “You come back, hear?”
“Gonna do my best.”
He turned to Dr. Felis, and said, “You better take better care of Andi this time. Or you’ll have me to deal with.”
Dr Felis said nothing, but just gathered her stuff and headed toward the temple, and me and two assistants followed behind her.
This time we didn’t set off any booby traps, so we were all in one piece by the time we entered the place where my life had changed. Dr Felis laid out her gifts on the altar, and then started her chanting.
Less than two minutes later, we were in the presence of the goddess. She pointed at our offering, and it vanished.
“Much better, mortal.” She said to Dr. Felis.
Then she came over to me. “As for you, I offer you a choice. I can restore these,” she pointed to the cats in their cages, “Or I can restore you to your original form. What do you choose?”
“Restore the men. I’ll be fine as I am.”
She smiled at me, and said, “You’ve made progress, mortal. I will restore these men, and give you a gift as well. Now, when you transform into your cat form, you shall retain your human intelligence.”
I didnt trust myself to say anything, and just like that, she was gone.
It was at that point we realized we had not thought of everything. The men were restored, but we had forgotten to bring along clothes.....
So its the day after, and we’re flying home. Carl is snoring in the seat beside me, and I’m wrapping this up on our laptop while we fly.
If you’re wondering if I’m okay with being part man, part woman and part cat, well, the answer is I’m just fine. As long as I got Carl, I can deal with the rest of it, and with the gifts the goddess gave me I plan to make the world a little better, one client at a time.
Look out world.
Here comes the Troubleshooter.