Dru

Darcy, my 14 year old daughter had a paper she had to write about May Day. They could write anything about it, May Day baskets, the May Pole, Workers’ Rights, the Soviet Union’s May Day Parade, etc. She wants me, her mom to tell her what type of celebration we had for May Day when I grew up.

Darcy is a freshman in high school. I think she is a very special girl, just like my two other children. Darcy is now 5’-7” tall and takes great pride in the fact that she is now taller than her mom. She is a runner and is on the high school track and cross country team in Stevens Point. She has a trim athletic figure, light brown hair like her grandmother Heidi which she wears in a short style with long bangs. She also has her grandma’s hazel eyes and cute nose. She is a romantic and wants to do a paper on traditional May Day activities.

Me, I’m Danielle “Dani” Meyer. I’m 38, blond haired, blue eyed and I’m an Assistant Professor at the University of Wisconsin — Stevens Point. I teach history and social science. I’m married to Richard Meyer. I met Rich when were both at the University of Wisconsin — Madison. He was a business major and I was pursuing a dual degree in History and Sociology. He grew up in Milwaukee but fell in love with the area I grew up in, Junction City, Wisconsin. After graduation we were married and moved to Stevens Point, Wisconsin and he took a job with Lands End.â„¢ After Darcy was born, we moved to just outside Junction City where I grew up and moved into my Grandparents’ old home. My Grandpa Erich died while I was in college and my Grandma Helga moved in with my parents after a few years leaving the farm home vacant. Over the years we have updated the house and built a new barn. We enjoy living in the country and peace and quiet of our 80 acre farm.

My other daughter Devan is 13. She looks a lot like my Grandma did. You can see it in her startling green eyes and bouncy black hair which goes down to her mid-back. She is an accomplished gymnast and is a junior high cheerleader. Although you would think she would be the girly one of the two she is more of the tomboy and has her own four wheeler which she loves to ride through the creek bottom and swamp at the back of the property.

My son Arron is the youngest. He will be 10 this coming July. He is a quiet boy who enjoys art and music. People often remarks that he takes after me. He has light blond hair which turns almost white in the summer, blue eyes and brilliant smile. He also takes gymnastics and likes to play baseball. He is a good student and he’s in the 5th grade at the local elementary school in Junction City. He will be going to Junior High in Stevens Point when he goes into the 7th grade.

Growing up in central Wisconsin we did celebrate May Day. However, it was limited to leaving small baskets on the front steps of friends’ houses. My mom told me that when she was growing up some of the smaller towns had May poles. According to historical accounts I have read there was also a tradition of giving bicycles to friends. But I never received one.

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Darcy and I were sitting at our kitchen table so she could take notes as I was to recount what May Day was like ‘back then’. Devan was also there as she had never heard of May Day celebrations. She knew about Cinco de Mayo, but nothing about May Day. They both wanted to know what my favorite memory of May Day was. I hesitated and decided that it was time to tell them my story.

“Well girls, I remember a May Day when I was your age Devan. It was a day that changed my life.”

Darcy said, “Oh come on Mom, it couldn’t have been that special.”

Devan, not to be out done added, “What happened did some boy kiss you and make you feel all warm inside?”

“Okay you two, you think you are so smart, let me tell you how May Day used to be celebrated and what a special day it was.”

Darcy, in her standard approach to life quipped, “We’re all ears Mom, tell us this tale.”

“Okay girls, here is my tale, believe what you want.”

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It was 1984 and I was 13 years old. I lived with my mom and dad and my two older brothers, your uncles Brad and Chris. As you know I was the youngest of the three. Your Great Grandpa Erich and Great Grandma Helga were born in Switzerland and moved to Wisconsin before your Grandma Heidi was born. They settled in Junction City and eventually moved into the house where we live.

We lived down the road where Grandpa Erich and Grandma Heidi still live. At that time your Great Grandpa ran a dairy farm. He usually had between 100 and 125 cows that he milked every morning and every night. As your uncles got older they would help out Grandpa Erich as he was getting older and slowing down. I did help out some, but being small I was given the job of cleaning up the milk room and helping Grandma Helga with the chickens. I enjoyed going into the hen house to find the eggs. If some of the chickens got loose I would have look in the barn and to try and find any stray eggs. It was kind of like a big Easter egg hunt, but no one knew where the eggs were hidden.

That was fine with me because your uncles had to get up early to help milk the cows and then in the afternoons and on the weekends they would have to shovel the manure out of the barn and load it into the manure spreader. I can still remember the smells of the barn. When the cows were being milked you there was the smell of the cows themselves, the sweet smell of the hay and feed and then the manure. The sounds of the milking machines would echo through the barn. There was a rhythmic pulse as the machines milked the cows. When Chris went away to college Grandpa Erich sold the dairy cows and retired.

Your Grandma Heidi wanted all of us kids to appreciate her Swiss heritage so she and Grandpa Erich decided to take us three kids to visit the old country and meet our relatives. Mom had gone back there with her parents when she was young and thought it would be good for us to go. Grandpa Erich worked for the engineering firm he now owns and took a month’s vacation.

We weren’t going to leave until after school got out in mid-May, but my Grandma Helga insisted that we had to be in Switzerland to celebrate May Day. I didn’t think much of it since there wasn’t much of a celebration of May Day in our community. Grandma Helga told us about how when she was a little girl the village she grew up in Switzerland would celebrate May Day. Apparently it was a big deal. There was a celebration called Walpurgisnacht. At that time the Queen of May was crowned and the Maypole was wrapped. In leap years the celebration also involves the selection of four young girls as the May Pole Princesses. Folklore said that these girls would become the prettiest in the village. Grandma Helga was chosen to be one of the girls when she was 13 and I must admit she was a very beautiful woman.

We were told about the trip at Christmas as the trip was going to part of our Christmas and Birthday presents that year. Over the next several months I spent a lot of time with my mom and Grandma learning about Switzerland, where Grandma grew up and about the May Day celebration. They also attempted to teach me German. I learned a few phrases and could speak a few sentences, but if any one spoke rapidly like Grandma and Grandpa could, then I would only catch bits and pieces.

I learned a lot about the celebration, Walpurgisnacht, the May Pole and the May Day celebration. Walpurgisnacht, or Walpurgis Night was originally a pagan festival. It is a celebration of summer held on April 30th. It was believed that on that night witches rode the countryside and waited for the Devil to appear. Certain villages in Germany and Switzerland were said to have made pacts with the witches and were given secret potions, spells and incantations. Bonfires were lit to call the spirits to the celebration. It was said when the celebration takes place in a leap year the blessing of the Goddesses shall be bestowed upon those who are submitted by the Village. To try and counter the Pagan believes, the Catholic Church initially banned the celebration, but later caused it to be celebrated in honor of Saint Walpurgis. Her feast day is celebrated on May 1, and the preceding night is known as Walpurgis Night when the witches and other occult folk can celebrate before being banished by the dawn of her saint's day.

Grandma Helga and Mom told me how the May Day celebration starts on Walpurgisnacht and continues through the next day. Since we were going on a leap year there would be a full celebration this year. They would select the May Queen and her court who would reign over the celebration. There would also be the selection of the four May Pole Princesses who are presented on behalf of the Village.

Grandma went on to explain that traditionally the May Pole would be erected in the Town’s Square. A tree at least 100 feet high would be cut down and the men would cut off all the branches and remove the bark. They would then smooth the pole and the women would decorate the pole with ribbons, paintings and verses. The pole had to be guarded at all times as other villages would attempt to steal the pole. On May Day the pole was erected in the Town Square. The village girls would then wrap the pole in a candy cane fashion. When the pole was fully wrapped then the festivities would begin. There would be plenty of food and drink for everyone.

Grandma went on to tell me that her village, Schá¼pfheim, celebrated May Day a little differently. A fire destroyed much of the town on May 27, 1829. Over two-thirds of the Village’s homes and all of the businesses were destroyed in the fire. Only the church and a few surrounding homes survived. Since that time they have had a permanent May Pole which was erected in a protected mountain meadow to the east of town near Heiligreuz.

The clearing is set against a rock outcropping at the base of a steep cliff. A spring flows from a small cave at the base of the outcropping and down into the meadow. The meadow is surrounded by the cliff on two sides. There is a twenty or thirty foot deep crevice which separates the meadow from the surrounding area. The only way to the meadow is across a wooden bridge that can only be accessed through a pathway that passes between two rock columns on the northwest edge of the cliff. A gate between the columns is locked on all days except Walpurgisnacht and May Day.

When Grandma would describe the events that would occur at the celebration I felt as if I was three. I could feel the excitement of the celebration and the emotion she felt when she was selected as a May Pole Princess. I asked if it were true that the May Pole Princesses were changed as part of the ceremony. She told me that I would have to wait and see since I would be at the next festival.

Over those three months I became even closer with my mom and grandma than I already was. It was so much fun to sit and talk with the two of them and have them describe the countryside around Schá¼pfheim, our relatives, and history of the area. By the time we left on vacation, I almost felt as if I was going home and was looking forward to seeing all the sights Mom and Grandma described. I suggested that she and Grandpa Eric should come along. She pointed out that this was a time for my family to experience the magic of Schá¼pfheim. She also claimed she was too old to make such a trip. I didn’t think that was true, she was 73 but she always seemed younger. She wasn’t stooped over like a lot of older people and her eyes were still full of life and a bright green. Her blond hair was so blond that you couldn’t really tell how much gray hair she had. Most people who first met her thought she was in her fifties.

Mom and Dad made arrangements with the school to get the three of us excused from school early since we would miss the last month of school. Brad and Chris had to take some of their tests early and they were required to write a paper about our trip and their experiences to avoid finals. Because my grades were good I was excused from the tests, but did have to write a paper.

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Finally April 14th arrived. It was a Saturday and we drove down to Chicago so that we could fly out Sunday morning. On Sunday we flew from Chicago to New York and then on to London. All three of us kids were very excited as this was the first time we had ever flown on an airplane and the first time we had ever been out of the United States. I don’t think any of got very much sleep that night.

I was stuck in the middle seat on the flight from Chicago to New York and every time I tried to lean over Chris to see out the window he would push me away. Brad was on the other side of me and they hogged the arm rests. As you two know both your uncles are big men. Even back then Brad was almost the same size as he is today. He and Chris both take after you Grandpa Richard. They were both over 6’-2” and were a little skinnier back then, but were both over 200 lbs. Your uncle Brad who now sports a buzz cut had his dirty blond hair down to his shoulders, while Chris wore his dark brown hair in a pony tail. Brad being 17 and four years older than me didn’t have much time for me and left me to myself. Chris was only two years older than me and seemed take great pleasure in making my life as miserable as possible.

On the flight from New York (actually Newark) to Zurich I got the window seat. It was really great as when we left New York I could see the World Trade Center Twin Towers and the Statute of Liberty. I didn’t care that both Brad and Chris were looking out my window. It was the greatest site I had ever seen. We took off to the south and then swung to the east. It was late afternoon and the sun reflected off the Twin Towers as they stood sentinel above the city. I heard the lady in front of me comment about the Statute of Liberty and looked down to see it. However, it was enclosed in scaffolding as they were restoring it for its 100th birthday. I could see the base which looks like a star, but actually isn’t. It has eleven points, I counted them. I found out later that it is a granite base which is set inside the original walls of Fort Wood. I have never found out why the Fort was constructed in that shape. I could also see all the boats moving on the water. As we climbed higher I could see most of the City. I never realized how big New York City was until then.

It was a really long flight from New York to London. I tried to sleep since it was our nighttime, but between Chris and Brad I didn’t get much sleep. We spent two days in London. I was so tired the first day I really don’t remember much of what we did. On the second day I remember seeing Big Ben, the Tower of London and the Tower Bridge. We toured the Tower of London for two hours. The place is huge. You could spend several days there and never see everything. The White tower is surrounded by a wall and thirteen other towers to protect the castle. There is an outer wall with five more towers. I really liked the Yeoman Warders’ known as Beefeaters red and black uniforms. They guide the tours and give the history of the palace. I liked the armour room the best. It had a display of all types of different armour, but I don’t know how anyone could move with it on.

We ate in a pub that night. It was really smoky and my eyes burned. Dad didn’t like the beer. It was warm and didn’t taste like the beer back home. Mom and I split a Sheppard’s pie. I liked the flavor and the crust was really good. Brad was happy because he was able to have a beer with Dad. Chris wasn’t old enough so he was not happy. Still, I was glad to get out of all the smoke.

On the third day we flew to Zurich. We then took a train down to Lucerne. On the flight to Zurich Dad was either getting tired of the three of us fighting or didn’t want to sit in a window or middle seat so I sat with Mom and he set with Brad and Chris. I noticed that he did take the aisle seat. It was kind of funny watching the three of them try to fit into the three seats. It looked like their knees were in their chests. Mom and I were comfortable and she let me have the window seat. She did put the arm rest up and leaned in close to me to look out the window from time to time. We both enjoyed seeing London from the air and seeing the English Channel. I didn’t think it was that far from London to Switzerland, but the flight was more than two hours.

The sight coming into Zurich was breathtaking. The airport is just north of town. We came in over the Mountains from the Southwest. As we turned to the left over Lake Zurich, Mom and I were able to see the Alps to the South. They were higher than we were and looked massive. As we turned to approach the airport I could see the mountains to the east along the sides of the lake. We flew right over the city. You could see the churches and the old part of town.

We took a cab from the airport to the train station. Then we took a train from Zurich to Lucerne where we would spend the night. Although we weren’t up in the Alps the ride was truly amazing. Since it was still April you could see snow in various places and, of course, on the mountain tops. The train ride took about an hour and a half and I was looking out the window the entire trip. It was so neat because the train would wind its way around the low mountains and you didn’t know what was coming next. One minute I would be looking up the side of a steep mountain and the next I would be looking at big drop off. At one spot it was really amazing. We were going past a small lake. On the other side of the lake was a large field of wild flowers that went right up to a black wall of stone that rose to be a small mountain. It was really breathtaking. Mom was sitting across from me and we talked about all the different sights we saw.

We would stop briefly in some towns along the way for passengers to enter or exit the train. It seemed that each town had its own smell. Some of the smaller ones smelled like Grandpa’s farm. Others smelled of mills or grain. There was one that must have had a bakery right by the train station. I didn’t realize how hungry I was until then. Fortunately it wasn’t that much longer until we got to Lucerne.

Lucerne is located on the northwest end of Lake Lucerne. The city is split by the Reuss River which flows from the lake in a northwest direction. We were staying on the east side of the river. My directions said it was really north, but the river does turn and twist. We were in the down town. The area had cobblestone streets and the houses looked like the belonged in the 1500’s. Our hotel overlooked the river and from the window in the hallway you could see Lake Lucerne and the Alps in the background.

Brad and Chris wanted to go on a Ferry ride on Lake Lucerne. Dad agreed to take us. I thought that sounded like fun, but Mom wanted to stay around the hotel and explore the downtown area. I decided to stay with Mom as I didn’t want her to be alone.

After the boys and Dad left, Mom and I wondered around the central area. We stopped in a pastry shop and I had milk and a pastry. Mom didn’t want me to spoil my dinner so I didn’t get the sandwich that I wanted. We then walked across the Chapel Bridge. It is a wooden bridge across the Reuss River. I tried to read a plaque about the bridge, but it was in German and I didn’t know all the words. I found out that it was built in 1333. It is almost 700 feet long and is a covered bridge. There were flowers along the side walls of the bridge. What was really neat was there were over 100 paintings of local scenes and saints. I found one painting of Saint Walpurgis and another of a May Pole ceremony. I was amazed at the intricacy and detail of some of the paintings.

On the south (west) side of the bridge was the Jesuit Church. It is a Baroque church built during the 1600’s to help re-establish the Catholic faith in the area. It sits right on the edge of the river and has two towers which are topped with what are called onion tops. The inside is simply awe inspiring. The nave is a high arch with side arches which are windows. There are paintings on the ceiling and the altar is at least 40 feet high and is decorated in red marble. Gold leaf is found on the bases and tops of columns. We wondered up and down the aisles just appreciating the artistry of this wonderful building. I found the experience to be very moving. While in the church I felt a peace and calm that I had never felt before. I was sad to have to leave that work of art.

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The next day Dad had made arrangements to rent some really small car. I’m not sure how the five of us and our luggage fit in the car. I know I was stuck in the middle of the back seat between Brad and Chris and it was not a fun ride. We drove west from Lucerne to Wolhusen and then south to Schá¼pfheim. Schá¼pfheim was the town where Great Grandpa Erich and Great Grandma Helga grew up. It is also where Great Grandma Helga was chosen to participate in the May Pole celebration.

We arrived there on April 19th and there was a big party held in the Town Hall by our relatives to celebrate our arrival. That explained why Mom had made us wear our good clothes when we got dressed that morning. We met my Grandpa’s and Grandma’s brothers and sisters. They were all really old, at least to me. A lot of my mom’s cousins and even some kids my age were there. In all honesty it was a little boring. Most of the relatives didn’t speak English. Mom could speak German pretty good. Dad’s grandparents were from Germany and they spoke it in their house when he was growing up so he was okay. Brad was a junior in high school and had taken three years of German in school so he at least could communicate. Chris as a freshman was finishing up his first year of German. With the lessons I had had he and I were in about the same boat. We would nod a lot and smile.

Dad came over with a man about his age and two boys. Dad introduced Chris and me to them. The man was Uncle Emil. He was Mom’s cousin on her dad’s side. The two boys were Oscar and Alfred. Oscar was 17 and was the same age as Brad. Alfred was 16 and was a year older than Chris. Dad called Brad over and introduced him. The boys were going to go show us around town. As we started to head out my mom called and asked me to come over to where she was. I really wanted to go with the guys, but Mom made it clear it wasn’t an option right then.

She motioned for me to join her and two other women. I was introduced to Emil’s wife, Edna, and one of my mom’s cousins on Grandma’s side, Aunt Irma. Edna was a big boned woman in her mid to late thirties. She had a strong nose but soft brown eyes. She embraced me in a warm hug. I learned that her family had moved to the valley from Kircheim, a small town in Germany just before World War II. Her father had been drafted into the German army at the end of World War I and didn’t want to live through another war so chose to move his family to Switzerland.

I knew we were going to stay with Uncle Emil and Edna. I found out however that there had been a storm a few days earlier with strong winds and heavy rains. Apparently the room I was going to use had a water leak and they weren’t able to get it cleaned up before our arrival. Mom told me that I would be staying with Aunt Irma. She lived with her husband Henri and daughter Anna. They had a home east of town. I would have a room to myself. The women were all sorry, but since Brad was sharing a room with Oscar and Chris was sharing with Alfred there just wasn’t any other option. I didn’t really mind as it would get me away from Chris for a while.

Aunt Irma could almost pass as my mother’s sister. They were both about 5’-5” tall with bark brown hair. They had dark blue eyes. The only real difference was Mom’s face was more oval in shape than Aunt Irma’s. I learned that Irma was four years older than my mom. While we were standing there an older woman walked up to join us. She asked if we would come and sit with her at a table. She looked like an older version of Aunt Irma. She was wearing a traditional Swiss dress with intricate embroidery on the bodice and along the hem. She wore a long sleeved white blouse with colorful embroidery on the collar and cuffs. She was a beautiful woman. I found out that her name was Andrea. She was Irma’s mother, and my Grandma Helga’s sister. She did not speak English. Aunt Irma, Aunt Edna and Mom would translate, when they remembered, for me. Great Aunt Andrea spoke excitedly when she learned who I was and hugged me to her. She smelled just like my Grandma and as I sat next to her I felt right at home. Everyone was speaking in German. Once in a while Mom or one of my Aunts would say something to me in English, but generally I didn’t understand much of what was being said. Andrea would look at me nod her head or smile and then say something. I knew they were talking about me, but couldn’t understand what they were saying.

After a while a young girl approached. She appeared to be about my age. She was Irma’s daughter Anna, the girl I would be staying with while we were in Schá¼pfheim. She could speak some English but was just learning it in school and wasn’t very fluent. Anna took after her mom. She had light brown hair. Her eyes though were hazel. She was 13 and was just starting to develop her figure. I thought she was a little heavy, but she looked very nice in a brown suede skirt that came to her knees. She wore brown knee socks and had a beige colored blouse under a rust colored vest. There was some embroidery along the bottom edge of the vest. She wore her hair in a single braid which went to just below her shoulder blades. She smiled warmly at me and we nodded at each other as we were introduced. Since I wasn’t really participating in the discussion the ladies were having, I went outside to get to know Anna when she asked.

We set at a table in the park outside the Hall. It was so picturesque. It was early evening and the sun was setting over the mountains to the West. We were looking south and the sun was shining on the western and northern faces of the mountains. You could see clouds floating past some of the taller mountains. The air was fresh and you could smell the pine trees and the spring flowers. I could see three large mountain peaks to the South. I asked Anna about them and she told me they were the Eiger, Má¶nch, and Jungfrau. They looked so close but Anna said they were over 40 kilometers (25 miles) away. You could see the North face of all three. The faces of these wondrous mountains glistened in the fading sunlight. The faces were mostly snow covered but you could see the black rock in many places. We sat and watched the faces of the mountains change as the sun slowly set. It was amazing to see it get dark in the valley but the sun still lighting up on the mountain peaks.

We chatted as best as we could. Mostly we talked about what there was to do and see in the area. She was in still in school. Their schedule was totally different that ours. She was finishing up a term, whatever that was. She had school tomorrow, Friday, and then would be on break for the next three weeks. Then she would have a short summer term.

Her mom came out shortly after the sun set and told us we would be leaving shortly since Anna had school the next morning. It was then I met her dad, Henri. He was a big man. Probably over 6’-4” and had a large stomach. He was bald and had a round face. His eyes twinkled and he toasted me with a large beer stein when we met. Aunt Irma had to virtually pull him from the celebration as he was really enjoying himself. Mom walked out with us and helped me get my bags from the car. I hugged her goodbye and she told me she would see me in the morning.

We got in Uncle Henri’s car, with Anna and I, in the back and drove east out of town. It was dark when we arrived and I couldn’t see much of the surrounding area in the dark. The headlights lit up the house as we pulled into the yard and I saw steps leading up to a front door. There was a small front porch which had an ornate carved railing. The frame around the door was carved and was painted. I didn’t know what it the carvings meant, only that it was very pretty.

Aunt Irma led me into the house. It was very nicely decorated. We entered into a central room. There were set of stairs leading up stairs off to the right and behind. To the left was a dining table and behind that the kitchen. There was also a fireplace on the right side. It felt homey and smelled a lot like Grandma Helga’s home. Upstairs there were four bedrooms and a bathroom. I was given the guest room at the rear of the house as my room. I looked into Anna’s room as she went to get ready for bed. It was decorated with plaid curtains which matched the bedspread. It was decorated in light oranges and browns but was very feminine. She had a large four poster bed and a lot of dolls.

My room was done in mostly blues. There was a decorative trim around the top of the walls which was painted dark blue. The walls were a medium blue and the curtains were dark blue with sky blue stripes of varying widths. The bedspread was sky blue with dark blue quilted piping. There were accent pillows on the bed and the bench seat under the window in a light purple with lace trim. It was a little girly for me, but even I had to admit that it was a pretty room. Aunt Irma showed me the bathroom and suggested that I go ahead and get ready for bed. After brushing my teeth and washing my face I returned to my room, undressed and put on my pajamas. I knocked on Anna’s door and told her good night. I then went downstairs and thanked Uncle Henri and Aunty Irma for letting me stay with them and said goodnight. As I snuggled into the bed, I found it very comfortable and thought I caught the smell of lilacs as I fell asleep.

I’m not sure I moved at all while I slept. I woke in the same spot I fell asleep. I must have awakened when I heard movement in the house. I could smell sausage cooking. I got up, put on my jeans, a tee shirt and a University of Wisconsin sweatshirt and went down stairs. Anna was dressed and getting ready to eat breakfast before going to school. She wore what might have been a uniform. It included a short jacket black jacket over a rust colored blouse with a black and rust checked skirt that came to just above her knees. She wore what looked like hiking boots over rust colored knee socks. Henri had already left for work. Aunt Irma told me he was a part owner of the local bank. That explained why the house was so nice. It was a nice day so Aunt Irma said that she and I would drop Anna off at school and then go find my mom. Anna wanted to stay home and spend time with us seeing the sights, but she had exams and her mom made it clear she was going to school.

As we walked out to get into Aunt Irma’s car I looked back at the house. It was set at the edge of a pine forest. It was also at the base of a stone face which appeared to rise 50 feet or more. I learned later that the hill behind the house rose over 100 meters in less than a half mile. I remember thinking it was like a fairy tale house. It had shutters and looked just like one of the Swiss Chalets in the brochures Mom showed me before the trip.

We drove into town on a road named Schulhaustrasse. Anna’s house was at the end of the road because it became too steep behind their home. We passed several homes as we drove the half mile or so into town. I learned the Schulhaus translates into School house in English. The School was originally located along this road but was destroyed in the fire in 1829. It was rebuilt after the fire further to the north. We dropped Anna off at school and then drove to Andrea’s house. Mom was there and the three ladies started talking about all we had to do in the next several days. I caught bits and pieces, but figured I would find out what was planned as we did the different things.

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It was decided that we would drive to Heiligkreuz a village about two miles east of Schá¼pfheim. However, we had to drive almost ten miles to get there. Heiligkreuz is almost 400 meters higher up the slope of the mountains than Schá¼pfheim. We drove Northeast out of the village and around the edge of the steep slope and climbed gradually up the mountain. We then swung back south to Heiligkreuz.

Mom and I were in the backseat of the car. Aunt Irma was driving and Andrea was in the passenger’s seat. While we were in the car Mom turned to me and whispered, “Honey, no matter what happens just do as you are told. We have been asked to participate in a very important part of the Walpurgisnacht and May Day Festival. What we are about to do must remain a secret. You are to tell no one about what we do or what you see. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I understand but why me. I’m not from here and I don’t know anything about the Festival other than what you and Grandma have told me.”

“We are guests in the village and it is an honor to be asked to participate. It is also because you are Grandma Helga’s grandchild.”

“But, why choose me, and not Brad or Chris? “

“It is because your Grandmother believed that you would understand and appreciate what is to happen more than Brad or Chris. Are you okay with that?

“Yes, I trust you and Grandma. I know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me.”

“Okay honey, we’re almost there. Remember do what you are told. After the ceremony is completed we will discuss all of this with you and answer any question you have. Please trust me on this.”

“I do Mom, and thanks for trusting me to do this.”

Heiligkreuz is a very small village with no more than 30 houses. The only items of interest were a Kurhaus (cure house) which is located in an old Inn and a wooden walk way through the woods.

When we arrived we were met by five ladies. They ranged in age from slightly older than Aunt Irma to Andrea’s age. We were quickly introduced and Andrea led us down a wooden path towards the forest. No one spoke and everyone walked single file with me bringing up the rear. As we entered the forest I noticed that the wooden path continued on into the woods. Light filtered down through the high branches as we quietly moved forward. About 500 or 600 feet into the forest, Andrea veered to her left off onto a small trail. We followed her down this path for probably a quarter mile or more. The forest became darker and less light came through the trees. I was starting to get a little nervous — really I was pretty scared, when we came out into a clearing in which the sun was shining and wildflowers of every type were everywhere you could see. The clearing was probably two to three acres in size. The mixture of the smells was intoxicating. It was like being immersed in a large bouquet of flowers and breathing in all of the fragrances of the bouquet at once.

We walked across the clearing towards an almost vertical rock face. As we approached the rock wall you could see that a small grotto was carved into it. It went back into the stone about eight feet. It appeared that at one time a statue had occupied the center of the grotto as there was a pedestal there but nothing on it. The pedestal stood about three feet tall. It had a circle about twenty inches in diameter in the center with eight points coming off of the circle forming what looked like an eight pointed star. The pedestal appeared to be gray granite. The circle at the top was black marble and each of the points was a different color of what looked to be marble. For such an old appearing grotto I was struck by how bright each of the points appeared to be. The colors of the points were, blue, violet, green, yellow, orange, brown, pink and red. Each of the women went to star point. As one they pushed down and in on the points. The points tilted down slightly and the black circle then rose up approximately two feet. Inside was a white marble statue about eighteen inches tall. The statue was a young girl who appeared to be dressed in a traditional Swiss style dress. She wore a straw hat and carried a long staff.

Andrea removed the statute from where it stood. She placed it upon the blue piece of marble if front of which she stood. She took a small bottle from her pocket, removed the top and poured the contents of the bottled on the statue. As she did the statute changed to the same color as the marble is was sitting on. As the fluid flowed down onto the marble it was absorbed. She then picked up the statute, kissed it on the forehead and passed it to the woman to her left. That woman repeated the process and the statute turned purple. I noticed that the women appeared to be aligned by age with Andrea being the oldest, the woman to her left the next oldest, and so forth. The statue was passed from woman to woman with each repeating the same process until it reached Mom. She repeated the process and the statute turned red, the color of the point in front of her and she then reached up and placed it on top of the pedestal. When Mom placed the statue on the black circle the statute turned black. Except the staff was a spiral of all the colors and the ribbons on the back of the hat wear one of each color. All of the women stepped back out of the grotto.

Mom then directed me to pick up the statue and to place it in a small alcove of white marble at the back of the grotto. It was only about two feet wide at the base and no more than a foot wide at the top. It was about a foot deep, but midway up there was a recess in the stone which was about two feet high and went back another eight or ten inches. There were engravings on each side of the alcove which appeared to be very old and which I could not make out. Mom told me to kiss the top of the statute’s head and to place it in the recess. The statue was heavy and I held it tight to make certain I did not drop it. I kissed the top of its head and placed it in the recess. As I set it down I heard a slight rumble and I turned around to see the black circle back where it had been and all of the points were also black. I turned back to the recess and the statute was again all white. However, the four rows of inscriptions on each side of the alcove were different colors. Each matched one of eight colors. After a moment looking around I walked out of the Grotto and stood by Mom. All of the women curtsied to the statue.

Then Andrea turned and walked back in the direction we had come. The women followed with my mom going last and with me following her. We then returned to the car park. I tried to talk to Mom but she told me to remain silent.

We then walked down the street to the Kurhaus. It was getting close to noon when we entered the building. It was originally a large Inn. It now provided a spa service and Alpine and Whey cures. Andrea nodded to the lady at the receptions desk and we walked through a door to the left of the entrance. This led down a hall with four doors on each side. At the fourth door on the left side Andrea inserted a key and opened the door. We entered the room and Mom closed the door. Andrea walked to the far side of the room and opened a second door. There was a set of steps behind the door which led up. We went up and up, probably four stories. At the top of the stairs was a landing with eight doors. Each of the women went to one of the doors and turned the door knob at the same time. All of the doors opened. As the doors opened I heard a sound behind me and the wall slid open. Mom told me to enter the opening. I did as I was told. I turned to see each of the women pass through the doorways and close the doors behind them. As they closed the doors the wall slid shut. I found myself in a small room. It was eight sided with each side approximately 3 feet wide. It was not totally dark in the room, as there was a dim glow coming from each wall. Each wall was gently glowing one of the eight colors. The ceiling had a soft white glow and the floor was black.

As I stood there the floor seemed to move slightly. It felt as if I was rising. I realized that the floor was in fact moving up as though it was an elevator. When everything stopped the door opened and I was standing in a round room with the eight women. There was a spiral staircase in the center of the room. Andrea walked to the stairs and started to climb up the stairs. She was followed by the other eight women and then me. When we exited the stairs I found that the women were standing in an octagonal room which was in fact the cupola of the Kurhaus. Each of the women was standing in front of one of the small windows in the cupola. As I went to step off the stairs Mom stopped me and told me to continue to the top. I followed her directions and I was left standing on a small platform about eight feet above the floor. About three feet above me at the peak of the cupola was a small octagonal pyramid shaped cone. I really can’t describe it any better than that. Each of the women turned around and opened the top of the small window outward. When they opened their windows, the sunlight reflected off of the windows and up at the cone above my head. I thought I would be blinded by the light. However, I noticed that it did not hurt my eyes. I also noted that each window seemed to reflect a different colored light.

It reminded me of the aluminum Christmas trees when I was growing up that changed colors when the wheel with different colored lenses rotated in front of the light. Depending upon which direction I looked I would see a different colored light.

Mom told me to look at the cone. When I did it was like looking into a kaleidoscope. The colors seemed to mix and flow into one another. I don’t know how long I stood there staring at the changing colors. All of a sudden it stopped and when I looked down I realized that the women had shut the windows. Mom asked me to walk down the stairs. I did. Andrea then handed me the bottle that she had used to pour over the statute and indicated that I should drink it. I looked at Mom and she nodded. I tipped it up and found that there was only about one swallow of liquid in the bottle and that it had no taste. After I drank it Andrea kissed me on the forehead. Each of the women in turn handed me their bottle, I drank each one and the woman kissed me on the forehead.

Andrea then led us down the spiral staircase that now went all the way to the ground floor. She unlocked a door at the bottom and we were back in the same hallway we had entered through. We had exited the fourth door on the right side. We walked back to the car park. Each of the women hugged me and kissed my forehead. The five women walked over to their car and the four of us got into Aunt Irma’s car. I was going to ask Mom what that was all about, but found myself very sleepy. I laid my head in her lap and fell asleep.

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To be Continued . . .

A May Day I Will Always Remember - 2

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General Audience (pg)

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May Day 2009 Contest

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Magic

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Teenage or High School

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Sweet / Sentimental

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A May Day I Will Always Remember
Part 2

by Dru

Part 2 of 3

When I woke I found myself on the couch in Aunt Irma’s living room. It appeared to be late afternoon. My mom and Aunt Irma were sitting at the kitchen table with Anna. As I sat up Mom looked over and said, “Good afternoon sleepy head I thought you were going to sleep the day away.”

I rubbed some of the sleep from my eyes and mumbled something incoherent.

Anna came over to the couch and pulled me up. “Finally, you’re awake. My friends Helen and Ingrid want to meet you. We are supposed to go over to Helen’s house to meet them. It is time to leave.”

Aunt Irma admonished Anna to be patient. “Give your cousin time to wake up. It won’t kill you if you are a few minutes late. You’ll have plenty of time to do whatever it is you want to do. We are going to have dinner with Uncle Emil and Aunt Edna in town at the Jungfrau tonight so you can either come back here or meet us in town.”

Anna thought for a few seconds, “We’ll just meet you in town. We can walk there from Helen’s.”

I turned to Anna, “Give me a couple minutes. I want to go upstairs and wash my face. I’ll be right back down.”

My mom stopped me as I headed up the stairs. “Honey, do you mind if I come up and see your room?”

“Sure Mom, come on.”

I led the way upstairs and pointed Mom towards my room while I went into the bathroom and splashed some cold water on my face. I took a washcloth and wiped the back of my neck with the cold water to try and wake myself up. I washed my hands and then headed back to my room.

“Honey, would you put on a nicer outfit for tonight?” asked Mom.

Reluctantly I agreed and went through my closet to find something I could wear. As I was doing that I turned and asked Mom, “What was that all about today? I almost felt like I was involved in some ancient ritual or something.”

Mom sat there for a moment and started to say something, then paused and finally said, “As I told you it is part of the Walpurgisnacht and May Day Festival and as visitors we were included in the ceremony. Tradition dictates that eight past Queens of May shall select a child to participate in the Ceremony which begins the Festival. The ceremony only takes place every fourth year or leap year. Only the Queens of May who were crowned Queens during a leap year may participate in the Ceremony. No one else knows of the existence of the Grotto, the statute or the Kurhaus. The Ceremony is to take place ten days before Walpurgisnacht, or April 20th. The child who is chosen must either be a child or grandchild of a Queen of May or a Maypole Princess.”

I interrupted, “But Mom if you were there and you participated in the Ceremony that means you had to be a Queen of May. Isn’t that right?”

“Yes it is Honey.”

“Why didn’t you or Grandma say anything back in Wisconsin when we talked about all of this? Why didn’t you say anything about the Ceremony? You know all that stuff was pretty scary especially since I didn’t have any idea what was going on. Oh, and by the way, what was in those bottles that I drank? Is it a drug or some type of potion?”

“Slow down dear. First of all, Grandma and I didn’t know you were going to be chosen to be the participant in the Ceremony. That didn’t happen until last night. I did not expect you to be selected as the participant and I had no idea I would be selected to participate either. No one is allowed to discuss the Ceremony with the child ahead of time except for the type of conversation we had in the car. Part of the Ceremony is to see if the child selected can handle the stress and tension of the situation. You did and I am very proud of you for being so calm. The only thing in the bottles is water from the spring which flows from the cave at the May Pole site. So no, it is not a secret potion or anything.”

“Okay, I accept what you are telling me, but how did just plain water change the color of the statute and how did the stones change colors? And what is the deal with that really weird light show?”

“I don’t know. It is a Ceremony which has been passed down through the generations. It was discontinued for a period of time in the early 1800’s. I understand that it was started up again after the fire of 1829. Some of the Villager’s believed that since the May Pole had been stolen and the Church survived that the Village needed to make sure that the May Pole could not be stolen and the Ceremony and the Walpurgisnacht and May Day Festival was resurrected. Other than that I can’t tell you a lot. I do have to remind you, which is the reason I came up here, is that you cannot tell Anna or anyone else about the Ceremony. You can say we went to Heiligkreuz but nothing about the Ceremony. Okay?”

“I understand Mom.”

At that moment Anna yelled up the stairs for me to hurry up. I hugged Mom, grabbed a jacket, and we both went back downstairs. I said goodbye to Mom and Aunt Irma and left with Anna.

As we walked to Helen’s house which was also on Schulhausstrasse, we talked as best we could about our days. I asked Anna about school. She was glad she was done with school and was ready for a break. I told her we had gone to Heiligkreuz. She told me she was happy she was in school because she found everything about Heiligkreuz boring. I thought, ‘she doesn’t know Heiligkreuz like I do, or she would have a different opinion.’ I just agreed with her.

We arrived at Helen’s in about five to ten minutes. I was introduced to Helen and Ingrid. Helen’s mom, Mrs. Schmid was there and we said hello to her. Helen took the three of us up to her room so they could get to know me. She put some music on and we talked as much as we could. Helen’s and Ingrid’s English was about the same as Anna’s. Helen might have been a little better. However, between the four of us we made our selves understood pretty well. The three girls were a lot of fun. But, just like with Mom and Aunt Irma when they started talking fast all I could do was nod.

Helen and Ingrid were in the same grade as Anna. Helen had reddish brown hair which was tightly curled and appeared to be hard to control. She was fairly pretty with pale green eyes. She was about the same height as me which made her about 5’-5”. Ingrid had dark brown hair which hung straight down to her low back. Her eyes were a light blue almost gray in color. She had a long nose and strong cheekbones. She was really skinny and tall, about 5’-8”, but I thought she would grow up to be attractive.

We got caught up talking. Ingrid’s mom called for her to come home. Anna and I realized that it was time to go to the restaurant. Anna called her mom and asked if she and her dad could pick up the three of us, drop Ingrid off at home and then take us to the Jungfrau. She agreed and we waited for Uncle Henry and Aunt Irma to arrive.

It was a fun time with Uncle Emil, Aunt Edna and their sons. Unfortunately Chris was there but since I sat between Mom and Anna he couldn’t bother me too much. I found out that Uncle Emil and Aunt Edna lived south of town and owned a farm. They had a small heard of dairy cattle and Brad and Chris had helped with the milking. Uncle Emil had taken Dad and the boys around the area showing them different things. I really didn’t listen too closely as my mind was still going over all the things that had happened that day. Dinner lasted until almost 10:00 and we then went our separate ways.

I spent Saturday with Anna, Helen and Ingrid exploring Schá¼pfheim. At that time it had a population of around 2,500 people. As we would walk down the street or go into the various shops I was introduced to many people, mostly women. Several of the older women commented between themselves when I was introduced. I again couldn’t understand what was said. However, one time I heard one of the women say the name Helga. I asked Anna what she said. Anna told me that she thinks you look like your Grandma Helga did when she was your age. The lady looked at Anna and shook her head. We continued our exploration of the town.

On Sunday we went to church and then got together at Emil’s and Edna’s for Sunday dinner. I got to talk with Dad for the first time and we exchanged stories of our experiences. We talked about going fishing or hiking up one of the lower mountains. That sounded fun to me and I was looking forward to it. Anna and I took a walk after lunch up into the hills above the farm. It was very pretty and I found the rock formations amazing.

The next couple days were spent hanging out with Anna, Helen and Ingrid. Mom was with Aunt Irma and Andrea most of the time. I was really starting to enjoy my vacation.

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The problem started on the 25th of April. It had rained the night before and late in the morning Anna and I were walking over to Helen’s house. We were almost there when a truck came along and as I tried to get out of the way I slipped on the grass by the side of the road and fell down into the ditch which was filled with muddy water. Anna wasn’t any help as she stood on the edge of the road laughing. I finally picked myself up out of the cold water and climbed up out of the ditch. Anna couldn’t help herself and continued laughing. Soon I was also laughing. Since we were almost to Helen’s house we went on to her place instead of back to Anna’s house.

When Helen’s mom saw me she took me straight to the bathroom and told me to undress. I wasn’t going to undress with her in the room with me. She told me she would wait outside and would then give me some dry clothes to change into once I had washed the mud off me. I used the basin to wash my body and hair to get the dirt out. Then there was a knock on the door and Anna handed me some clothes. These weren’t jeans and a tee shirt like I had been wearing. Instead it was a skirt and a blouse. I tried to tell Anna that I was not wearing a dress, but she said in broken English that was all there was to wear until my clothes were cleaned. So reluctantly I pulled on the panties and a tee shirt that had narrow straps on the top. I learned later they call it a camisole. I put the blouse on. It was really girly. It was light purple and had embroidery on the cuffs and the collar. I pulled the skirt up and zipped up the zipper. It fit pretty well, but I didn’t like having my legs uncovered. The skirt went down to just past my knees. It was a medium blue and there was some type of pattern in dark blue around the bottom of the skirt. There was a pair of knee high white socks but I didn’t put them on.

When I came out of the bathroom Anna and Helen grabbed me by my arms and shoved me into Helen’s room. There they proceeded to braid my hair into a single braid at the back. They tied purple and blue ribbons at the top of the braid that hung down to just past my shoulders. Helen took the socks and put them on my feet followed by some black girly shoes. I protested, but Anna pointed out that it was all they had and we had to get to the Festival soon. As I stood up Helen took a white apron and tied it around my waist. I was stunned. I don’t wear dresses. We were interrupted by Helen’s mom calling us down to lunch.

We had a nice lunch with Helen’s mom. She and the girls were talking excitedly which meant that I couldn’t understand what they were saying. I think I was kind of in my own little world trying to figure out I had gotten into this mess and more importantly how I was going to get out of it. After lunch I was given a large kitchen apron to put over my clothes and I helped Anna’s mom clean up the lunch dishes. While I was doing this Anna and Helen disappeared. I didn’t realize they were gone until I heard them coming back down the wooden steps from upstairs.

As I turned around I was surprised to see them in outfits like I was wearing. Anna and Helen were dressed exactly like I was except their clothes were different colors. Anna wore a rust colored skirt with dark brown trim. Her blouse was a beige-gold color with dark brown embroidery. Helen was wearing a green skirt with yellow trim on the bottom with a yellow blouse with green embroidery. I noticed that the apron’s also had matching embroidery along the bottom edge. They pulled me over in front of a full length mirror. I think I almost fainted. Standing there were three young Swiss maidens. There was a knock on the front door and there stood Ingrid dressed identically but with a red skirt and pink blouse. I remembered the eight points of the pedestal and the eight lights in the cupola and recognized that together the four of us represented the eight colors of the May Pole Festival.

I was forced to walk with the three girls and Helen’s and Ingrid’s mothers into town and to the Town Park. I recognized some of my relatives and ladies to whom I had been introduced to over the past several days. It seemed that everyone knew that I was Grandma Helga’s grandchild and simply smiled or nodded at me.

I tried to stay behind Anna, Ingrid and Helen, but soon found myself along with over fifty girls on the stage in the park. I had no idea what was going on. It seemed like almost all the women in town were present. Many were dressed in traditional Swiss costumes. At the back of the crowd I saw my Mom, Aunt Edna, Aunt Irma and Andrea. I immediately stepped behind Ingrid who was taller than me because I didn’t want my mom to see me in a dress.

Then one of the older ladies stepped up onto the stage and started to line up all of the girls. I tried to move away, but Anna grabbed one of my arms and Helen grabbed the other and forced me to follow Ingrid to the end of the line. Something was said in German that I didn’t understand and the line started to move. The girl at the front of the line moved off the stage and wound through the crowd. We all followed her in a single line. As the line moved forward I notice that all of the girls, although wearing different styles of dresses, were dressed in the same color combinations as the four of us. After winding her way through the crowd, the girl leading the line climbed the stairs back onto the stage, walked to the back of the stage, turned and then walked to the front of the stage where she stopped and then moved off to one side. The next girl did the same thing but moved to the other side of the stage. This was repeated over and over again. When the line of girls almost filled the stage they took two steps backwards and then a new line formed in front. This continued until it was my turn. Ingrid walked forward and I tried to run away only to be pushed forward by Anna. I had no choice but to follow Ingrid and Helen then followed me. This left Anna to bring up the rear. It also meant that the four of us were in the middle of the stage right in front of our mothers. I looked down expecting to see a surprised look on my mother’s face, but she was smiling up and me with what looked like tears of happiness in her eyes.

When we were all standing in four lines on the stage one of the older girls came forward. She was dressed in a white dress with black embroidery down the sides of the sleeves and on the plackets on the front of her blouse. She wore a black apron with a white pattern along the bottom hem. She also wore a straw hat with a wide brim. There was a black and white band around the cap part of it with black and white ribbons trailing down the back of the hat. She walked up and down the lines and pulled 15 other girls and me from the lines and directed us to the front left corner of the stage. The rest of the girls formed into two lines at the back of the stage. There were eighteen girls in each line.

The sixteen of us were lined up and then separated into groups of four. Not surprisingly, after all that had happened, I was with Ingrid, Anna and Helen. The four of us were directed to move to the front of the stage. Then we moved to the left side and the other three groups followed us and the four groups stood slightly apart from one another. I still had no idea what was going on. I tried to ask Anna and she told me to be quiet. After a few moments, each group was told to take a step forward and as each group did so, the crowd applauded.

Then four older women emerged from the crowd. Each was dressed in traditional Swiss style. Each woman’s outfit was of a different color. One was blue and violet, one brown and orange, one yellow and green and the last pink and red. Each carried a multicolored staff and a straw hat with ribbons which matched the color of their outfits. The women came onto the stage and walked up and down the line in which we stood. They then circled the line four times and then stopped in front of our group. The woman whose outfit matched mine stopped in front of me, as did the other women in front of Anna, Helen and Ingrid. Each woman handed the staff she held to one of us. They then took the straw hats and instead of placing them on our heads dropped it over our heads and allowed it to hang down our backs with the cord at our neck. Each woman then leaned forward and kissed each of our cheeks. The other three women then kissed the foreheads of Anna, Helen and Ingrid. The lady in front of me tipped my head down and kissed the top of my head.

The crowd and all the other girls started to applaud. The three girls were all jumping up and down and hugging one another and me. I was stunned as I had no idea what had happened. When things calmed down the four older ladies moved the four of us to the center of stage and the remaining girls formed two circles around four of us. The inner circle moved in a clockwise direction and the outer circle moved in a counter-clockwise direction. The crowd and girls began to sing a song that I didn’t recognize but which was very pretty. When the song ended the crowd again applauded and then began to disburse. Many of girls came and hugged the four of us. Our mothers, aunts and relatives came forward and embraced all of us. When my mom hugged me I asked her what was going on and she told me we would talk later.

There was a small reception and everyone had punch and sweet pastries. After an hour or so the party broke up and Aunt Irma, Mom, Anna and I headed to my Aunt Irma’s house. I kept asking what had happened and Mom said she would explain it later. When we got to Aunt Irma’s Mom and I went out to a bench by the garden to talk.

I wanted to ask Mom what had happened, but she asked the first question. “What are you doing in a dress, you don’t wear dresses.”

“Mom, it wasn’t my idea, I tried to get out of the way of a truck and fell into a ditch. All my clothes were wet and muddy and I didn’t have anything to wear. Helen’s mom told me there was nothing else for me to wear. I thought I would wear it for a while and wait for my clothes to be cleaned and then I would come home. I didn’t know we were going to whatever it was that took place. What was that anyway?”

“That my child was the selection process for the May Pole Princesses. You and your three friends are now the May Pole Princesses for this year’s May Day Celebration.”

“But, Mom, I don’t want to be a May Pole Princess. I was just following my friends. I tried to find out what was going on but they wouldn’t tell me what was going on. I can’t do this.”

“Unfortunately, you really don’t have a choice. It is a great honor in this community to be selected to be a May Pole Princess. You cannot refuse to participate. Once it is over we will go home and you can get on with your life, but you will do it, am I clear?”

“Yes Mom, I understand what you are saying, but can’t I switch with someone, please?”

“Remember that we are guests in this community. Your Grandmother and Grandfather were raised here and many of these people are family. You have to do it for both the tradition and the family. I’ll help you make it through it and then we’ll go home. Okay?”

“But what about Dad, Brad and Chris, what are we going to tell them and what are they going to say. I know Chris is going to make my life miserable. How can I face them, I don’t want to wear a dress.”

“I will deal with your father and brothers. You will continue to stay with Aunt Irma and Anna until the May Pole Festival. I will work with you to get you ready for the Festival. It will all be over on May 2nd. That is only a week away. I know you can make it.”

“Okay, but you know I don’t like this.”

“I know, but we’ll get through it. I love you.”

“I love you too Mom”

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The next two days were spent with Mom and Aunt Irma explaining to Anna, Helen, Ingrid, and me what was involved in the days leading up to the Festival and the Festival itself. I spent most of the time in dresses and they explained in further detail what would happen at the Festival and what we would have to do. This was the time when the four of us got our girl lessons. We were instructed as to how we were to walk, how to curtsey, how we were to act and what we were to say. Thursday and Friday were very long days.

Whenever the four of us went anywhere either alone or together we had to be dressed in “our colors” and had to have the hat around our neck and carry the staff. I didn’t see my Dad or brothers during this time. My mom would go back to Uncle Emil’s at night but I would stay with Anna.

The celebration really started on Saturday the 28th. There was to be a large banquet in the Town Hall followed by dancing and of course drinking. In the afternoon Anna and I were taken by our mothers into town and to the “das Friseurgeschá¤ft” or hairdressers. We met Helen, Ingrid and their mothers there. Much to my consternation my hair was going to be done. I tried convincing Mom that it wasn’t necessary.

“Mom, what are we doing here?”

“We have to get yours and the other girls’ hair done for the dinner tonight.”

“Can’t I just wear a ponytail like I normally do?”

“No you can’t, you have to follow custom. All four of you will have similar hairstyles. Now I don’t want to hear anymore complaining. Am I clear?”

“Yes Mom you are clear.”

So at the end of the afternoon I had a new hair style. It still came down to my shoulders but I now had bangs. I hate bangs. Mom thought it was cute. All I knew is that I now had bangs. My hair was in a single braid as it was on Wednesday, but there were blue and violet ribbons weaved into the braid and hung down to my butt. My fingernails and toenails were also painted lavender. Why did they have to paint my toes I always wear socks. No one was ever going to see my toes. I was just glad that my friends back in Wisconsin couldn’t see me. I would never live it down. Only a girly girl would do this.

I wore a dark purple skirt with a pattern of some type on the bottom 10 inches of the skirt in light purple. I wore a light blue long sleeved blouse with dark blue embroidery down the sleeves and on the collar. I wore a vest over the blouse. The front of the vest was dark blue and the back was light purple. There was light purple and blue embroidery on the front of the vest. I again wore thin knee high socks but these had a band of light purple around the top. I wore a traditional white silk apron which stopped just above the pattern on the bottom of my skirt. My straw hat hung down on my back with the ribbons intertwining with the ribbons in my hair. I carried my staff. Purple and blue ribbons had been added to the staff and hung down from the top of the staff. Of course the other three May Pole Princesses’ outfits were the same only in different colors.

That night the Town Hall was packed. The dinner in the Town Hall was for all the participants in the festival and their families, town dignitaries and past Queens. There were other celebrations going on around town and in the Town Park. The four of us had to be part of the procession going into the Town Hall. It started at the river and then wound through the Town Park and ended at the Town Hall. Last year’s Queen of May and her court led the way. They were followed by this year’s five prospective queens. The four of us followed them. As we entered the hall, we were greeted by the Mayor and eight of the past Queens. All of the announcements were in German and I just followed what my three friends did.

The Queen and her court were presented. Again the Queen was in black and white and wore her straw hat on her head. The four members of her court were in a two toned outfits similar to ours. They all wore blouse and skirts with a vest over the top. The embroidery on the vests was very intricate and unlike ours covered the entire vest. All four wore straw hats like the four of us had. They curtsied to the Mayor and the past Queens. And moved to the head table where the Queen sat in the center with two of her court to each side of her.

The five young women who had been selected to be the Queen and her Court this year were all dressed in White. The Queen for this year would be selected on Monday as part of the Walpurgisnacht celebration. Their outfits were just like ours except everything was white, except their shoes and vest which were black. They were each introduced to the gathering and then curtsied to the Mayor and Past Queens and took their seats at the head table to the left of the Queen.

The four of us were then introduced individually. Ingrid was introduced first. She curtsied to the Mayor and then turned and curtsied to the past Queens. Two of the past Queens were dressed similarly. One wore a red under dress and a black pinafore with pink embroidery. The other wore a black under dress with a pink pinafore with red embroidery. They stepped forward. Each curtsied to Ingrid and then one at a time embraced her in a hug, kissed her on each cheek and then kissed her forehead. They then stepped back and Ingrid rejoined the three of us. This was repeated with Helen, then Anna and finally me. However, at the end instead of kissing me on the forehead the Queens did as had been done at Wednesday’s selection ceremony and pulled my head down and kissed me on the top of my head.

We then went to a head table and sat to the right of the Queen and her court. The fourteen of us were served first and then the rest of the hall. There were probably fifty other tables in the hall and everyone sat down to eat and drink.

After dinner a dance was held in the Town Park which overflowed into the surrounding streets. There was a band on the stage. The Queen danced the first dance with the town Mayor. After that the band played waltzes and polkas and the townspeople danced. As the May Pole Princesses the four of us were expected to dance if asked. I had never danced a waltz before. I had played at dancing a polka at one of my cousin’s weddings in Wisconsin when I was ten, but otherwise I was clueless. Fortunately, some of the training Mom and Aunt Irma had given us the last two days included how to curtsey, kneel in a long dress and some dance lessons. I still felt like a fish out of water and very awkward but I don’t think I made a fool out of myself.

Of course, my cousin (second cousin or something) Alfred came up to me and asked me to dance. I had been told I could not refuse anyone a dance, so I accepted. I looked over at my mom and dad and they were smiling. However, my brother Chris had a look which told me he had me now. It wasn’t that Chris and I didn’t get along. We got along pretty good, but he was the middle child and lorded that over me whenever he could. He also claimed that I was Mom’s favorite and that I got away with things he never could. Now he thought he had me where he wanted me.

All I could do was smile and concentrate on my dancing. I found that I ended up dancing most of the dances with many young men, boys, my uncles, great uncles and even my dad. It ended up being a good night, but I was definitely out of my element and Chris was always at the edge of the dance floor or dancing with one of the other girls. I knew I was going hear about this big time when I got back home. No matter what Mom or Dad said I knew one way or another Chris was going to make my life miserable. Brothers, especially like Chris, I could do without.

The night came to an end and my dad walked over and hugged me good night. He suggested that I get some sleep since the next couple days would not give me a lot of opportunity to rest. I hugged him back and couldn’t hold it in any longer. I started to lose it. “Dad I don’t know if I can do it. You know this isn’t me. Why do I have to do it? There are lots of girls who want this. I don’t. Can’t you talk to Mom and stop this? Please Dad, do this for me.”

“If I could you know I would. But, this is a different culture and you have been chosen. If you hadn’t gone on the stage you wouldn’t be in this position. I’m not trying to be difficult, but you got yourself into this and you’re going to have to get yourself out of it. I know you probably don’t want to hear this, but you are very pretty.”

“Dad! I don’t want to be a pretty girl.”

“Hey, it looked like you enjoyed yourself tonight. Did you enjoy any of it?”

“I guess I did a little. But Chris keeps smirking at me and I know he can’t wait to drop me in it after this is over. I can hear him and all his friends at home making me the butt of their jokes. I don’t want that to happen.”

“Your mom and I will make sure that won’t happen. After this is over with you can go back to like you were and this will be a story the family can keep to itself. I will make sure of it. Just stick with it for another couple of days and it will be over. Try to have fun and enjoy it as much as you can.”

“I will Dad and thanks for listening.” He hugged me good night and I went home with Aunt Irma, Uncle Henri, and Anna. Aunt Irma drove as I think Uncle Henri had had a little too much beer or schnapps — maybe both.

I wasn’t able to sleep in the next morning as we had to go to church. There was a special church service to bless the Queen of May, her Court, the prospective Queens, and the May Pole Princesses or as some called us the Maids of the May Pole. The Minister had the four of us come to the front of the church and receive a special blessing. Of course this required another dress. Mine was of course violet and blue. It had a violet blouse under a sky blue pinafore dress. The pinafore had a square neckline that stopped just below the dark purple embroidery which covered the shoulders and upper chest of the blouse. There was also dark purple embroidery on the cuffs of the blouse. The pinafore flared out at the hips and went to just below my knees. I had to wear a small petticoat under the skirt and again the thin knee high socks, black shoes and white silk apron. The apron extended a couple inches below my skirt. The straw hat was hung on my back from my neck and I carried the staff. The three others were dressed the same, but in their colors.

Last year’s Queen was there with her court. She was surprisingly in black and white. Each of her court were in a two toned outfit similar to ours. The five young women who were the prospective Queens were all dressed in White. Their outfits were just like ours except again everything was white, except this time only their shoes were black.

The Queen and her court sat in chairs at the front of the church. The four of us sat in the first pew on the right side and the prospective Queens sat in the first pew on the left. Everything went okay except I saw my brother Chris smirking at me during the service. Apparently my dad saw it too and he said something to Chris. After that Chris looked straight ahead and didn’t look at me again. I found out later that Mom and Dad both told Chris and Brad that if they made fun of me they would find themselves in dresses. Oscar and Alfred kept looking at me but it was different. It was like they were checking me out. Oh yuck.

We were able to relax Sunday afternoon. Ingrid and Helen came over to Anna’s house and the four of us went for a walk up into the low hills. Of course we all were in skirts and blouses, had our hats hanging down our backs and carried our staffs. It was a peaceful afternoon and I found it very relaxing after the stress of the last couple days. I enjoyed seeing the spring flowers and the smell of the flowers and forest. It reminded me of when I went with Mom and Aunt Irma to Heiligreuz, but I didn’t mention anything to the other girls.

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To be Continued . . . .

A May Day I Will Always Remember - 3

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Magic

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A May Day I Will Always Remember
Part 3 - The Conclusion

by Dru

Part 3 of 3

Monday was anything but quiet and peaceful. Anna was beside herself with excitement. I must admit that I was starting to look forward to it myself. After lunch we bathed and then started getting ready for the festival. Mom helped me to dress. I had never worn this type of underwear before. It was all lacy and silky. The underpants were small, silky and purple. That was just the beginning there was something called a Basque which Mom wrapped around my stomach and hooked together. It felt like she was trying to split me in half. She explained it was designed to give me a womanly figure. I told her I didn’t want a womanly figure. Then there was a silk camisole. Everything of course was purple. There were straps hanging down from the Basque to which she attached hose, again purple. I complained about everything being purple but Mom explained that the color was lavender. Like that made a difference.

There were three different petticoats. Two were different shades of blue and between those two was a purple one. The feeling of wearing these clothes was strange. I felt all girly and wasn’t sure how that really made me feel.

Mom startled me when she said, “It feels nice doesn’t it.”

I blushed and replied, “I guess it does, it feels foreign, but it does feel nice.”

“Well let’s finish getting you dressed and downstairs.”

“Mom, thanks for all your help and support. I know I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“It’s okay sweetie, you know I love you and I understand this is something you never planned. Your father and I are proud of the way you are handling this.”

I finished getting dressed. I was wearing a long blue dress that went almost to the floor. Mom said it was a Schá¼rze or pinafore style. The under dress was purple, Mom called it Lilac. There was blue and purple lace at the neck and sleeves. It was hard for me not to constantly pull at my collar as the lace kept tickling my chin and the bottom of my ears. There of course was the white silk apron which tied around my waste. I wore black shoes which Mom called Mary Jane’s. I almost fell over when I stood up because I didn’t realize there were heels on the shoes. Mom had to help me down the stairs as I was afraid I would fall.

Anna and Aunt Irma came downstairs a few minutes after us. Anna looked very pretty in her dress. Her blouse was medium brown with almost gold and rust lace at the neck and cuffs. Her overdress was burnt orange. Before we left the house our hats were placed over our heads and hung down on our backs and of course we carried our staffs. Aunt Irma drove us into town and we went into the hairdressers again.

“Mom, why are we back here?” I asked.

“Don’t worry, it’s just some finishing touches for the Festival”

“Who me worry, I never worry about anything” — ‘yeah right, I thought’.

I knew the Festival was in celebration of summer. But I didn’t realize to what extremes they went to celebrate this event. I found out when I walked into the hairdresser’s. It looked like a florist shop. I was glad I wasn’t allergic to flowers because I know I would have been sneezing my head off. There were flowers of every description. The Queen and her court were done first and then this year’s Queen hopeful’s and finally the four of us. Everyone was very pretty and had flowers and ribbons in their hair. The Queen and the others all wore their hats on their heads while ours were down on our backs.

I had blue delphiniums of different shades of blue and small purple orchids in my hair, a corsage of the purple orchids on my left arm and a flower rope of delphiniums and orchids around my neck. Finally, a large bouquet of delphiniums and orchids were somehow attached to the top of my staff and another rope of flowers was wrapped around the staff. Anna’s flowers were orange gladiolas and lilies; Helen’s were green carnations and yellow chrysanthemums; while Ingrid’s were pink roses and red tulips.

“Mom, I think I know why the festival is held at night.”

“Why is that, dear?”

“Because, if we walked outside like this during the day we would be attacked by a swarm of bees.”

Mom started laughing so hard I thought she might fall over. The ladies in the shop wondered what was so funny and my mom translated what I had said and everyone had a good laugh.

Our mothers left to prepare for the Festival and the fourteen of us waited quietly together. Finally it was time to leave for the church and the beginning of the Festival. The fourteen of us were driven in three horse drawn carriages through downtown and to the church. We came in from the back of the sanctuary, down the center aisle and formed a line in front of the Minister. The church was full to overflowing. However, all of the individuals present, except the Minister were women. Eight past Queens stood behind the Minister. They were the five from Heiligreuz, Andrea, Irma and my mother. I looked at Anna and could tell that she was surprised that her mother was among the past Queens. For once I knew something the others didn’t and smiled to myself.

The past Queens were attired similarly to us. However, like Friday night their over dress was black. The under dress was one of eight colors. Andrea’s was blue and my mother’s was purple. They wore a white silk apron over the black over dress. I wondered what color Mom,s underwear was, not a good thought. Irma’s under dress was an orange color which matched Anna’s. All the past Queens had black straw hats with white ribbons.

The first two pews on each side were filled with the young girls who participated in the selection ceremony on Wednesday. There were 48 of them. They were all in two tone dresses similar to ours. Whereas our dresses were long and went down to our ankles theirs went only to their knees. Like us they all had ribbons and flowers in their hair. Every seat in the church was filled and women were standing in the side aisles, the balcony and the back of the church. All of the women were in traditional Swiss clothing of one of the eight colors, except other past queens who wore some type of black and white dress.

There was a short service which I didn’t understand much of because it was in German. At the end of the service the Minister stepped forward and kissed both cheeks of the Queen, her court and the prospective Queens. He then kissed Ingrid on both cheeks and then on her forehead. He repeated this with Helen and then Anna. He then kissed me on both cheeks and again bent my head down and kissed me on the top of my head.

After that, the eight past Queens led us from the church. They were followed by the current Queen and her court, then the five prospective Queens, the four of us and finally the 48 girls. We walked slowly as a procession down the street. I was surprised to see so many people. The street was lined four or five deep and everyone was singing a song in German that I did not recognize. Almost all the people were in traditional Swiss costumes.

As we approached the Town Square I saw that the crowd filled the entire square. There were also people on balconies of several of the buildings bordering the square. There was seating on the ground to the left and right of the stage which was reserved for past Queens and May Pole Princesses. There was a path open to the stage and the past Queens led us back to the stage where this all started a few days ago. My mom smiled at me as I stepped up onto the stage.

The past Queens moved to the right side of the stage. The Queen, Anika, and her court took their place at five chairs set in the middle of the stage. The five prospective Queens moved to the left side of the stage. The four of us were directed to four stools, two on each side of the Queen and her court. I had never tried sitting on a short stool while wearing a long dress. I thought I was going to fall on my butt, but somehow I managed to curtsey my way onto the stool.

The remaining girls, who Mom told me were the Sisters of Virtue or Faeys and were known as May Faeys filled in behind the Queen’s court.

Two of the past Queens took a small crown and a cape and walked over to the prospective Queens. The one with the crown walked back and forth behind prospective queens and finally placed the crown on one of girl’s head. The crown had red and pink stones in the crown. The second woman took the cape which she was holding and placed it on the girl. The cape was red and pink and had a black border around its edge. The girl curtsied to the two past Queens. She then walked over to the Queen’s court, stopped in front of the Queen and curtsied. Then one of the members of the court stood and embraced her. The new princess of the court then took the seat of the outgoing princess and the outgoing princess walked around the chair and stood behind the new princess.

This was repeated three more times until the new Queen was the only remaining one standing. After all of the new Queen’s court was seated Andrea with my mother and Aunt Irma behind and to her side approached the new Queen. Andrea carried a crown in her hands which had stones in all eight colors. Irma carried a black cape which had embroidery in the eight colors and white depicting a May Pole and its ribbons. Mom carried a staff. The bottom foot or so was white and the remainder was black. On top there was what appeared to be a large flower with multicolored petals in the eight colors. Andrea placed the crown on the Queen’s head and then embraced her. She then assisted Irma with placing the cape on the Queen’s shoulders. Irma then embraced the Queen. Mom stepped forward and formally handed the staff to the Queen and again embraced her. As Andrea, Irma and Mom stepped back the new Queen curtsied to them, turned and curtsied to each side of the stage where the past Queens and May Pole Princesses were seated. She then walked to a place approximately ten feet in front of Anika the old Queen. Estelle the new Queen curtsied to Anika. Anika stood, curtsied to Estelle and they then walked toward each other and embraced. Anika stepped back and Estelle took her seat as Queen. Anika again curtsied to Estelle and assumed her place behind Estelle’s chair.

Each of the May Faey came forward and curtsied in front of the new Queen. Then the four of us stood and went to stand in front of the Queen. We all curtsied as one. The Queen then stood and starting with Helen, curtsied and then hugged her, then Ingrid, Anna and finally me. The four of us stood around the Queen and held hands. The eight past queens and Anika then formed a circle around the five of us and started moving in a clockwise rotation. The past and present Queens’ court members then stood and taking ribbons of the eight colors formed an octagon around the Queens. Then the Faeys formed two circles around all of us. One circle of Faeys started moving to their right and the other circle moved to their left. Another song was sung by the entire group. Mom had rehearsed this song with me and I was able to sing along with the others.

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At the end of the song everyone separated and returned to stand in their previous locations. The eight past Queens moved to the center of the stage. The past Queens led the procession from the stage. Andrea was in front and Mom was in back just like when we were in Heiligreuz. Estelle followed next and was followed by her court, then the four of us, and finally then Anika and her court. Bringing up the rear were the May Faeys. The new Queen led us out of town on Schulhausstrasse and past Helen’s and then Anna’s homes and up into the low mountains. As we walked slowly out of town the May Faeys and many other little girls started to circle the entourage. A small group then broke off and started to circle the four of us. Once we were isolated from the others all the Faeys and their helpers started to circle the four of us. There were at least four circles each one larger than the inner one and rotating in the opposite direction. As they started to circle us they began a chant. It did not sound like the German I was used to hearing. It was different and almost like an ancient chant.

It was dark as we left the town and there were torches on poles along the way and other torches held by people which lit our way. One time I looked to the side and thought I saw my Grandma Helga and Grandpa Erich. When I looked back they were gone. I knew it couldn’t be them they were back in Wisconsin. The light from the torches flickered as we moved and caused the shadows to move. This created a kind of eerie feeling. It didn’t seem to bother any of the others so I tried to ignore it.

As we reached the end of the road and moved onto a narrow path, all but those who had been on the stage, the other past Queens and Helen’s and Ingrid’s moms dropped back and stopped. After we had gone maybe two hundred feet up the path a fog began to settle on the valley. As I looked back towards town I could not see the town, Anna’s house or the road. I could hear the chants but could not see the people. They continued to chant as we moved on up the mountain. There were torches placed along the path to light our way in the fog.

We passed through a stone pass. There were two black stone columns on either side of the path. Each had a torch on top of it and an iron gate hung open to allow us to pass. The four of us had been in this area yesterday and I did not remember seeing any stone outcroppings or stone columns as we walked through this area.

We continued forward through the woods and the fog. We came to an old wooden bridge that was probably fifty feet long and crossed it. On the other side of the bridge was the clearing Grandma had described to me. We entered on the northwest corner. To our left was a wall of rock. Across from us the wall continued to wrap around the clearing. I could see the cave in the wall on the far side. There were torches all around the clearing. There were two immediately on each side of the cave. Although there was no moon, there was a dim light which illuminated the clearing and seemed to come from the fog which hovered just above the top of the May Pole. The May Pole was in the center of the clearing. At its base it appeared to be over two feet in diameter. It rose straight up to at least 100’ high. It was painted in the eight colors and also had decorative paintings up its entire length. A spring flowed from the small cave and off to our right. I could not see where the edge of the clearing was on the right. As we crossed the bridge it appeared that it was a long way down to ground below the bridge. The entire clearing was covered in different colored flowers.

The eight past Queens went to the May Pole while the fourteen of us formed a circle around them. The May Pole had a lot of long ribbons tied to its top. The ribbons were in the eight Maypole colors, orange, brown, blue, purple, yellow, green, pink and red. The ribbons were 8 to 10 inches wide and were longer that the pole was tall. There were two ribbons on opposite sides of the pole from one another. One was white and one was black. They were both 16 to 20 inches wide. There were eight wooden poles which stood about five feet tall in an octagon shape about twenty feet out from the pole. There were steel rods running from one pole to the next. The ribbons were draped over these rods. The May Faeys formed two circles outside of the poles. The other past Queens and Helen’s and Ingrid’s mothers went to stand along the north stone wall.

Andrea welcomed everyone to the beginning of the festival and called upon the Spirit of summer to provide for our needs and to bring forth a bountiful crop. She said some other things but I didn’t understand what she said. I did hear the word Jungfrau, and some other things, but I couldn’t make any sense of it.

She then called the four of us forward. Each of our mothers also came forward. At this time Estelle and Anika joined the eight past Queens and their courts went to stand with the May Faeys. Our mothers took our staffs and hats from us and carried them to the cave. When they returned the four of us knelt in front of the ten Queens and received their blessing as Princesses of the May Pole. We were then led to the May Pole and each of us stood on a small wooden platform which was about a foot off the ground with our backs to the pole. Anna was to my right and Ingrid was to my left. That meant that Helen was directly behind me on the other side of the pole. Our mothers then took flower ropes and wrapped them around us and the pole. The four of us held hands and our hands were also wrapped with flower ropes. When they were finished Helen’s and Ingrid’s mothers walked back to the north stone wall.

Mom and Irma were joined by the Queen and the past queens and formed a circle around the four of us. They said something that sounded like an incantation. As the incantation was repeated the Queen walked over to cave, took a chalice from the cave and filled it with water from the spring. She walked back to the Pole, took a drink and handed it to Anika. Anika took a drink and passed it to Mom. Finally it was passed to Andrea who drank from the chalice and then said a short type of prayer. She then stepped forward and offered it to Anna. After Anna had taken a drink Andrea kissed her on the forehead and moved on to Helen and repeated the process. It was again repeated with Ingrid. I was last and then she kissed me on the top of my head. Andrea said something I could not understand, she then took another drink from the chalice and poured the rest of the contents on the ground around the May Pole. The incantation continued all this time.

The May Faeys then stepped forward and each one took the end of one of the ribbons. They stepped back until the ribbons were pulled tight. Queen Anika took the end of the black ribbon and Queen Estelle took the up the end of the white ribbon.

Each of the other eight queens removed one of the rods from between the poles. They carried the poles over to the cave and placed them into openings in the cave wall. They returned and removed the poles from the ground. They again carried them to the cave and placed them inside the cave. As they returned Andrea carried something that looked like a crank. She then inserted the crank into the May Pole. The eight queens took turns turning the crank. Each one turned the crank four turns. By the time they finished we were at a height of about sixteen feet in the air. The crank was removed and they stepped back to stand at the entrance to the cave.

Then everyone except the four of us started to sing a song. They started off very softly but the volume grew as the May Faeys started to move. It was amazing to watch. Every other girl would move to her right and the girls on either side would move to their left. Except Anika and Estelle who stood where they were outside the circles of Faeys. As the May Faeys moved they would weave in and out. The result was that the May Pole was wrapped with the multicolored ribbons. By moving in and out the May Faeys wove the ribbons so that they were criss-crossed as they wrapped the pole.

My mom told me later that the way the May Faeys wrapped the pole insures that the ribbons won’t come loose and helped to hold the four of us to the pole so that we wouldn’t fall and get hurt.

As everyone continued to sing and the May Faeys danced around the pole I was getting sleepy. I remember the ribbons starting to encircle me and I felt them holding me to the pole. I was surprised that it didn’t hurt my back or that I didn’t have trouble breathing. I again thought I saw my Grandma smiling at me. My last thought was ‘Wow this is really comforting, I think I know what it feels like to be in a cocoon’.

I remember some weird dreams. It was about German Princesses and Fairy Princesses and Goddesses. I remember my dreams were in German and an ancient language I had never heard but now somehow understood. I have no idea how long we were wrapped in the May Pole. I learned later that we were wrapped up all night and into the next morning.

My mom told me later that when the May Faeys got to our feet they stopped and the Queens came forward and again inserted the crank. They then lowered the wooden platform back to the ground. The four of us were held to the pole by the ribbons. After the crank was removed, the May Faeys continued to wrap the pole and tied the ribbons off to the bottom of the pole. At that point the singing stopped and a chant began as Estelle and Anika circled the pole in the same direction and wrapped the pole in the black and white ribbons. It looked like a barber pole but in black and white. When they were done, the chanting stopped and small bonfires were lit around the May Pole.

Everyone except the eight past queens returned to town where the Festival, dancing and drinking continued long into the night. Throughout the night one of the past queens held vigil over the pole and the four of us.

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At mid morning Queen Estelle, her court, Anika, her court, and the May Faeys returned. Queen Estelle and Queen Anika unwound the black and white ribbons. The May Faeys then untied the ribbons and began chanting as they unwound the ribbons.

The chanting is what woke me up and I recognized it as an ancient tongue which was no longer spoken. As I started to wake up the ribbons reached my feet. Mom and Irma inserted the crank and the platform was raised to where our feet were. The May Faeys then unwound the ribbons until they were above our heads. We were then lowered to the ground and released from the pole. The four of us were moved away from the pole by the Queens and we lay down on cushions in the cave. The pole was re-wrapped by the May Faeys. As I lay on the cushion and watched I noted that even though the four of us were no longer attached to the pole, the ribbons still held our shapes as they were re-wrapped. When they finished tying off the ribbons the black and white ribbons fell from the pole and were retrieved by Estelle and Anika and placed in the cave.

I felt totally refreshed and awake. Each of us was given water and a sandwich to give us some strength. As I became more aware of my setting I noticed that things had changed. My hair was now down to my mid-back. My skin seemed softer and I had what I thought were big breasts. For some reason I was very calm. If anything, I felt as happy as I had ever been. Mom whispered to me that we would talk about it later.

At that time the four of us were helped to stand. When I looked at the other three I was amazed. They were all very pretty, even beautiful. Anna’s hair was a dark brown but with auburn highlights. Her eyes which had been hazel were the most amazing golden brown, almost rust in color. Her hair had a curl to it which bounced when she moved her head. Her figure was perfect. She moved with a grace she did not have before.

Ingrid looked like I imagined Snow White would look. She had coal black hair which was straight and when the sun struck it, it looked to be a dark blue. She had dark blue eyes and dark pink lips which looked almost red. When I looked closely at her eyes I swore I saw flecks of red in her eyes. She had a lithe figure and moved almost like a cat.

Helen had beautiful auburn hair with a gentle wave that framed her oval face with startling green eyes the color of emeralds. She had light freckles on her face and arms and had the most enigmatic smile. Her movements were almost regal in nature.

When Mom held a mirror in front of my face I almost fainted. I was 13 years old, but I thought I looked closer to 16. My hair was a light blond, almost white, but with golden highlights. My face was soft with full lips. Most of all I noticed my eyes. They were a blue but they were almost violet if the light changed in a certain way. I knew I was just as pretty as my three friends. I reminded myself very much of my grandmother. I moved with a confident step that I didn’t have before.

Our dresses had changed too. All of them were the same. Instead of the high necks and long sleeves of last night they had scoop necks and short cap sleeves over short sleeved blouses. They stopped just below our knees and all of them were of a swirling pattern which had all eight colors. When I looked closely I noticed that mine had a little bit more blue and purple than the others and they each had a little more of their colors. Our aprons were of white silk, but the edges were trimmed in our “colors”.

As I looked around the meadow I realized that the fog was still present but the clearing was illuminated as though the sun was shining. Although many people had walked through the clearing it was still filled with flowers. There was no trace of their footprints.

I looked questioningly at Mom and she simply said, “We’ll talk later.”

At noon Queen Estelle led us back to town. Our hats were now placed on our heads and we carried our staffs. Each of the four of us was accompanied by one of the members of the Queen’s court. Margaret was my companion. The past Queens, including Anika, followed behind us. The May Faeys ran ahead to alert everyone of our approach. As we crossed the bridge I looked back at the clearing and could not see where we had just passed as the flowers were everywhere.

When we passed through the stone columns I noticed that they were now white. As we neared the road I looked back and the fog was lifting. I could not see the columns or stone pass, only the pine forest. There was a rainbow over the area from where we had come.

As we approached the Town Square the streets were again lined with people who closed in behind us as we passed.

We again climbed the steps to the stage. The Queen and her court took their seats and the past queens walked behind them and set in chairs which had been placed there for them. The four of us remained standing in front of the Queen. She stood and curtsied to us which we returned. Then the Minister and the Mayor both stepped forward from the side of the stage and directed us to face the front of the stage. As we did the entire crowd broke into loud applause. The Mayor said that the success of the May Pole ceremony would mean continued prosperity for the Town and the entire valley.

The Minister signaled for me to step forward. I was confused, what was this about. I tried to look at Mom but she was behind me. I looked around and that is when I saw my Grandma Helga standing with Grandpa Erich and Dad. She was smiling at me and motioned that I should do as I was asked. I stepped forward to the Minister. He bent down and kissed me on my right cheek, then my left cheek, he lifted my hat off my head and kissed me on the top of my head. He replaced my hat, turned me around, and stood me in front of him as we faced the crowd, he placed his hands on my shoulders and then exclaimed, “The Prophecy has been renewed, the blessing of God our Father and all the Gods and Goddesses shall continue to bring prosperity to this valley.

The crowd again applauded and started singing a hymn. I knew it was an old German hymn but I now understood the words. It told the story of an ancient Valkyrie, Sigrdráfa, who was praising the Gods for the blessing of prosperity which was given to her people. It went on to thank the Goddesses for blessing the valley with beauty and for honoring her people through the Goddesses’ acceptance of those presented to her.

The four of us again curtsied to the Queen and past Queens. The Queen and past Queens stood and then descended the steps of the stage to the applause of the crowd. We followed them and we then walked to the Town Hall. Our moms met us there and took each of us home. We would return that night for the final dinner and celebration.

Mom and Grandma took me back to Andreas. Andrea went with Irma and Anna to their home. Other past Queens went Helen and Ingrid. We had lunch. It was then that they explained to me the significance of the festival and more importantly the part which the May Princesses play in the good fortune of the community and the surrounding valley. Afterwards we returned to the Festival.

The Festival continued throughout the day and night with games, food and drink, and dancing. People from throughout the entire valley were present and celebrated the successful May Pole ceremony. I sat with my family and then Anna, Ingrid and Helen came and the four of us walked around the festival. Where ever we went we were hugged. Everyone smiled at me and thanked me for my participation in the ceremony. It was all very embarrassing. As it got dark I found I was very tired and Mom and Irma took Anna and me back to Irma’s before we fell asleep sitting up.

We stayed on for another week and then returned home. “But, that my dears, is the story of my special May Day.”

âˆž âˆž âˆž âˆž âˆž

Darcy was the first to speak. “But Mom I have so many questions. How did your dress change? How did your hair and boobs grow? What did our Grandma and your Grandma say later?”

Devan added, “What’s this about prosperity and a prophecy? You can’t stop now.”

“And you said it changed your life, I know it was some kind of special May Day but how did it change your life Mom,” asked Darcy.

As I had been telling the story my mom had slipped in the back door and was sitting in a chair behind the girls. She cleared her throat and the girls both jumped. I couldn’t help but laugh at the look on their faces. They both blushed and then jumped up to go hug their Grandma. Since we had been sitting there for a couple hours while I told my tale we decided to take a break, get a snack, and see to other things.

âˆž âˆž âˆž âˆž âˆž

Mom suggested that we sit in the family room to continue the story. Mom was now almost 70 years old, but she could easily pass for someone in their mid 50's. She looked and me and asked, “Are you sure about this?”

I nodded my head and smiled at her. Mom then said, “Girls, what your mother and I are about to tell you is only for the two of you and no one else. It is a story of our family, our traditions, and our legacy. Can you both agree to this?”

Darcy and Devan looked at each other and both nodded their heads. My mom motioned for me to continue.

“Since that wonderful vacation I have learned a lot about the wonderful valley where your Great Grandmother grew up. I spent hours talking with her and Mom and learned all about the history of the May Pole. I have returned to visit several times. As the two of you are my daughters and are now physically mature young women. - - “

“Mom, I haven’t done anything with anybody so don’t go saying I’m mature!” shouted Darcy.

“Darcy, I didn’t mean that you had done anything with anybody, I just meant that now that both of you are having your monthly visitor it is time to share this story with you.

“Okay Mom, sorry I just didn’t want you or Grandma thinking I was doing it”.

Devan didn’t say anything, but she did have the good sense to blush. I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to take that.

“Anyway, as I was saying, it is time that you learned the history of the valley and of our family. The May Pole Festival goes back at least 1,500 years. There are indications that it was part of a Pagan ritual. But, as you heard, the local church now participates in the ceremony and blesses the participants.

The songs which are sung and the invocations have been passed down from generation to generation. It is the women who are instrumental in the tradition. Although the May Pole is wrapped and the festival takes place every year, the key to the tradition is what is now known as the leap years. I do not know how that came to be because it is not believed that the Pagans or early Christians celebrated a leap year. However, for the last several hundred years the leap year celebration is the key to this tradition.

Remember that this area is a rural farming area and in the past relied upon a successful harvest for its survival. The May Pole started out as a celebration of the Summer Solstice and the people would ask God and the older Gods and Goddesses for their blessing of a good and bountiful crop. This particular valley is considered to be one of the most fertile in all of Europe. The local wines are thought to be some of the best in the world. The crops are always large and the animals are never barren. The farms have remained in the same families for centuries.

The reason for this is that everyone knows that the prosperity of the valley is due to the blessings received from higher powers and the people continuing to perform the May Pole Ceremony. The community chose not to celebrate the Ceremony in 1828 and 1829. As you know the fire which destroyed the village occurred in May 1829.

Grandma Heidi looked at both of the girls and admonished them, “I can tell by the looks on your faces that you are not inclined to take this seriously. After we are done I believe your attitudes will change and when you go there in 2012 you will see for yourselves.”

“What your Grandma is trying to tell you is that in three years we will be taking you and your brother over to Switzerland for the May Pole Festival and you will be able to experience the Festival for yourself. But right now I want you to keep your mind open to what we are telling you. Okay?”

They both chorused, “Yes Mom.”

“As I told you every fourth year is the key year. That is the year that the May Pole Princesses are selected and are wrapped with the pole. At least one of the girls has to be a daughter or granddaughter of a past Queen or May Pole Princess. When I was the Princess Anna was that daughter. That is why the groups were divided as they were. Each of the final four groups had one girl who was the daughter or granddaughter of a past Queen or May Pole Princess.

One part of the prophecy is that if the girls are virtuous and accept the blessing bestowed upon them then they will be changed. As I described, their clothes change, their eye color changes, their hair and their figure. If they are changed by the ceremony then the prosperity of the valley continues. Do you understand?”

“Yes, but you said ‘one part’ that means there is more and you still haven’t answered my question as to why this changed your life. What else is there Mom?” asked Darcy.

Devan sat thinking for a moment and added, “Mom didn’t you also meet the requirements? I mean your Grandma Heidi was a Queen and Great Grandma Helga, was a May Pole Princess. You should have been double qualified.”

I looked at my Mom and she continued.

“Devan, I will answer your question in a moment. Girls what your mom has been trying to say is that there is a more significant part to the Prophecy as we call it. It only involves two or three branches of women from certain families of the valley. Our branch is one of those branches.

There is a part of the Prophecy which makes the changes we’ve talked about seem very minor. Every generation one of the daughters of our family must be selected to be a Queen or May Pole Princess on a leap year. That selection must be made when they are between the ages of 13 and 18 and while they are still a virgin. That is one of the reasons we are having this talk now.

I had hoped that since Irma and I were each chosen to be a Queen that the legacy would follow her. But she didn’t have any sons. I did. So I knew the legacy was mine to bear.”

“So what’s the big deal you had two sons and a daughter and Mom was a May Pole Princess, the prophecy was satisfied wasn’t it?” asked Darcy.

“Patience child, as they say, all will be revealed.”

“The real prophecy comes from the second part of the May Pole tradition. Before I get into that though I have to ask you a question that I know you are not going to want to answer. However, you have to answer it and you have to answer it truthfully. Will you both agree to do that?”

Darcy and Devan looked at one another and both reluctantly said “yes”.

“Are you still dressing your brother Arron up as a girl?”

Both of the girls turned pale and looked down at their laps. I spoke up then and said, “It’s okay, I know you have been doing it and I know that Arron enjoys it. I know he does it on his own when you aren’t around. It’s really okay.”

“Mom, Grandma, we’re sorry we didn’t know what to do. When we first did it was just a joke, but Arron started asking to play dress up and then after a while he wanted to be our little sister. So we tried to be careful and not let you find out, but I guess we weren’t careful enough,” offered Darcy.

I got up and hugged both of them. “I know and your dad and I love you for it. It’s nothing that you or Arron did it is part of the prophecy. You see, if the youngest child is born a boy then he may fulfill the true part of the prophecy. But he has to want to be a girl, be a girl in his heart and be a May Pole Princess.”

At that point I had to look away. Grandma Heidi went on, “What your mom is trying to tell you is that when you go to Schá¼pfheim three things can happen, one of the two of you can be chosen to be Queen, one of the two of you can be chosen to be a May Pole Princess, or Arron can be chosen to be a May Pole Princess. Everyone in the Village knows that whenever a boy is chosen to be a May Pole Princess and is changed then Prosperity for the Valley will continue for at least 100 years.

My mother, your Great Grandmother Helga moved from the village because of this. She had hoped that the legacy would go to one of her sisters. Regardless of her hope she took me back when I was 15 and I was selected to be the Queen. As your mom told you, Helga was a May Pole Princess. What she didn’t tell you was that my mom’s name before she was the May Pole Princess was Henri.

Both of the girls looked at me with questioning eyes.

“Mom continued, if your brother is selected to be the May Pole Princess I anticipate that her name will be Erin after the transformation. Because, as you now understand, the May Pole wrapping will totally transform a boy who believes in his heart that he is a girl into a girl. Isn’t that right Dani, that’s now with an ‘i’ and not a ‘y’ as it was originally.”

Apprehensively I looked at my daughters and said, “So now you know why it was a life changing experience and a May Day I will always remember.” As they both jumped up to embrace me my eyes filled with tears of joy for the love of my daughters.

The End

I would like to thank Puddin’ for her invaluable insight suggestions and criticisms. I would also like to thank Stanman for his editing and proofreading. Unfortunately I changed the story a lot and added material after his work. So, all the errors, mistakes and misnomers are mine. I hope everyone enjoyed the story ------ Dru

Memorial Day

Author:

Audience Rating:

Mature Subjects (pg15)

Publication:

500 < Short Story < 7500 words

Genre:

Transgender

Character Age:

Permission:

December 2006 Holiday Story Contest Entry

Synopsis:

Cassie died in a war fought by many, won by some and as happened with Cassie lost by others.

Memorial Day

Erin said it could be any holiday

Story:

I went back to read Erin's blog on the contest and started thinking about other holidays and subjects. This is the result. If I offend you I apologize, but at least it's short. I will use an editor next time, but the muse spoke and had to be released.

Memorial Day

by Dru

I sit here as I do every year and wonder why. Why did my friend have to die. Wasn’t there another way. Lord, there should have been. I miss my friend every day, but I only visit her grave site on Memorial Day. It seems appropriate that I visit on the day our country honors those who died in war. Cassie died in a war fought by many, won by some and as happened with Cassie lost by others. She died at the age of twenty after fighting a war of wills for over twelve years. She wasn’t a hero in the normal sense of the word, but she was a hero to me. I will always love and admire her.

***

I know that whatever I write will not do justice to Cassie. You can’t package sunshine nor can you convey the beauty of a flower opening on a spring morning as the dew glistens and reflects the glory of the flower and the day. That was Cassie. She embraced life and loved the moment. So I must apologize to all of you for my failings.

I first met Cassie when we were twelve years old. She moved into the big house down the block. Shortly we became friends and stayed friends until the end. She had a zest for life that I’ll cherish until the day I die. She didn’t fit into any mold. She made her own way. Even if her parents didn’t understand, she stood on her own and squared her shoulders to meet the challenge of the moment and of society.

Unfortunately, over time the challenges wore her down and even her spirit could not overcome what was put in front of her.

At first I didn’t understand. How could I. I was only twelve years old. However, by the time we were Sophomores in high school I had come to understand that Cassie was a very special individual. In some ways I guess I was her protector. I had been her friend since she moved into town and stood beside her even when others turned their backs on her.

All she wanted was to be accepted for who she was. We were inseparable and at times I was chastised for associating with her. I thank my parents for their support. They raised me to be true to friends and Cassie was my friend so there wasn’t anything else to do but be there for her.

I’ll always remember the day I went to her house to pick her up on my way to school. It was just before Thanksgiving during our Junior year. When I knocked on the door her mother answered. I asked if Cassie was ready for school. Her mother said that Cassie wouldn’t be going to school. They had enrolled her in a Military School in northern Indiana.

I couldn’t believe that her parents could do that to her. Yes, I knew she wasn’t well accepted at school, but military school would destroy her spirit and crush her. I tried to contact Cassie but her parents wouldn’t give me her telephone number and her email was blocked. She didn’t come home for Thanksgiving, but did make it home for Christmas.

Her hair had been cut short and although she was still herself I could tell that she was as unhappy as I had ever seen her. She had finally told her parents what she wanted to do with her life and apparently her goals were unacceptable to her parents and she found herself shipped off to military school.

That summer she was only home for a week at the beginning of summer and three days at the end. That summer she was at an ROTC camp or something learning how to be a soldier. She didn’t want to be a soldier.

Our senior year in high school, which should have been our time of triumph and celebration was spent writing letters to one another and telling each other that we were both okay. All through this I could sense that the Cassie I knew was slipping away. Her spirit was gradually being worn down.

After graduation, she was home for one week before she was sent to summer school at the exclusive school that her parents had selected. Although we had fun together there was a sadness to her that I hadn’t seen before.

I promised her that I was there for her and that once we were done with college we would be able to live our lives as we chose. This was the thought that I wanted her to hold onto as we parted when she left for college.

Over the next seventeen months we talked often, wrote to each other and emailed each other every day. At times I felt her slipping further away. Other times I knew that the old Cassie was there and her spirit glowed as bright as the brightest star.

She didn’t come home for Christmas break. I think her parents took her somewhere for Christmas. All during break and when I returned to school I emailed her everyday with no response. She was going to college a thousand miles from where I was in college. I was worried, but I didn’t know what to do.

On January 17th I received an email from her. It read:

Josh,

I wanted to tell you how much I have cherished your
friendship and love. Without you I couldn’t have
made it this far. I’ve tried as hard as I can, but I can’t
go on anymore.

I will always love you and I hope you can forgive me
for being so weak. I know you will find someone who
can give you what you need. I wish it could have been
me, but its just not meant to be.

Please forgive me.

All my love forever.

Love,

Cassie

I called her phone, her cell phone, the University, and the police without success. Finally, I got in my car and started to drive. I didn’t get there in time.

I went to the funeral and sat in the back of the church. I listened to all the pious words and watched her parents cry for their lost child. But, I never heard or saw any feeling or love for their child, just disappointment.

***

That was over five years ago. Sometimes I wonder what her parents think or feel, but I don’t really care. In my mind they killed their daughter. I have not spoken with them. They called my parents and asked if I could give them any insight into why Cassie had done what she did. I never called them. I knew that they knew the reason but wouldn’t accept it.

I can’t accept it either. My best friend in the world and the woman I loved isn’t alive. I wonder everyday if there was something I could have done or something I could have said, but I’ll never know because she is gone.

So here I sit on the ground in front of her headstone and let the tears fall. Oh, Cassie, why did you have to go away? Was the pain too great? Wasn’t my love enough? Why Cassie?

The gravestone doesn’t answer. There is no answer, and the tears flow.

As I get ready to leave, I again read the inscription on the headstone.

Charles Evan Wright, III

Loving Son

Notes:

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Santa's Dilemma

Author:

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

500 < Short Story < 7500 words

Genre:

Character Age:

Child

TG Themes:

Sweet / Sentimental

Other Keywords:

Permission:

December 2006 Holiday Story Contest Entry

----------=BigCloset Retro Classic!=----------
Christmas Special!

Synopsis:

Santa doesn't know what to do to fix the situation

Santa's Dilemma

by Dru

Slightly re-edited - Thanks Pippa

A Holiday Story Contest Entry

Story:

Santa’s Dilemma

by Dru

Admin Note: Originally published on BigCloset TopShelf on Friday 12-15-2006 at 01:30:25 -0500 pm, this retro classic was pulled out of the closet, and re-presented for our newer readers. ~Sephrena

It didn’t seem like a big thing at the time. Santa was sitting at his desk and going through the Christmas requests. You know the drill, he was checking his list to confirm who had been naughty and who had been nice. He was also trying to figure out how to fulfill the requests of many of the children. One in particular this season puzzled him. It was a simple request, the child wanted a dress up doll and several outfits for the doll. That wasn’t what caused his dilemma. It was the fact that the request was from six year old Peter Allen.

Santa knew that Peter had been a good boy all year. Peter was the youngest of five children. His father, David, worked for a large corporation and traveled quite a bit as part of his business. His mother, Patricia, had been a teacher, but when the children were born she decided to stay home. Since Peter had started school his mother helped out with his sisters’ Brownie troop and also was a substitute teacher. He had two older brothers. James or as he was known, Jim was fourteen. Randy the second oldest was twelve. There was a four year gap between Randy and his older sister Angela, who was eight. His other sister was his twin Paula. She was 28 minutes older than he was and she never let him forget it.

When he was younger his mother thought it was cute to dress his sister and him in similar clothes. She didn’t try to dress him as a girl, but since they were dressed similarly many people commented on how cute the girls were. When his mother took Angela out with Paula and him the problem was compounded. All three took after their mother. Also, Angela wanted sisters to play with not yucky brothers. As a result Angela often treated Peter as a younger sister.

When Patricia was pregnant with the twins she had hoped that she would have a baby girl. That way they would have two of each. The doctors were surprised when they discovered that she was having twins, even more so when they were born and were fraternal twins. Patricia loved both her twins and treated them the same. Peter was a quiet baby and his mother found him to be easier to deal with than his brothers had been at that age. He played well with his twin and didn’t tend to roughhouse like the other boys.

It became more complicated one day when Angela decided to dress Peter in one of Paula’s dresses and play house with Paula and Peter. Peter was four years old at the time and found the dress, shoes and petticoats fascinating. All of this combined to make Peter a confused boy, especially since the dress-up was repeated many times over the following years. Sometimes Peter would suggest to Angela and Paula that they play house. He enjoyed playing with his sisters and was close to them. He also often helped his mom in the kitchen and had fun doing that.

It probably would have helped if Peter were closer in age to his older brothers, but since they were more than six years older than him whenever they played with him he either got hurt and cried or his brothers called him a baby and stopped playing with him.

Now here it was Christmas time and instead of asking Santa for a sled or toy truck Peter had asked for a doll and doll clothes. Santa wasn’t sure what to do. By now the older brothers had stopped believing in Santa Claus, but Angela, Paula and Peter still believed. If Peter had been a couple years older Santa would have ignored the request, given Peter something he hadn’t asked for and the child would have started down the path of not believing that Santa was real. But, Peter was only six years old. Santa just didn’t know how he could do that to a six year old. Plus, you had Paula to consider and Peter was such a nice little boy he was supposed to get what he wanted.

Santa finally got up from his desk, he needed to talk with someone about this. He went in search of Mrs. Claus and Elmer the chief Elf. He found them and Esther, Elmer’s wife, packing up presents for children in England. Santa explained the situation to the three of them and the problem was tossed around. Initially it was suggested Peter be given a GI Joe or Ken doll as that would be a compromise. However, Santa pointed out that the letter specifically requested a girl doll and girl clothes. No one was sure what to do, but since Peter was such a good boy they agreed he should have what he wanted.

***

Christmas morning at the Allen’s was always a special time. The big tree was set up in the Great Room. There was Garland on the stair railings and the lights on the tree blinked and faded in and out at different times. In the corner the gas logs in the fireplace flickered. The stockings were hung on the mantle and nutcrackers guarded the hearth. Since Mrs. Allen didn’t work full time she had spent a lot of time decorating the tree and the home. Both Dave and Pat knew that this was probably the last year Angela would believe in Santa and after that Paula and Peter would also lose their childish innocence and belief in Santa. Angela was already starting to question the existence of Santa Claus and many of her friends had been told by their older siblings that Santa wasn’t real. They had decided to try and make this a special Christmas for their family. There were probably more presents under the tree than there should be, but they hoped their children would appreciate their gifts and experience the Christmas Spirit.

The family tradition was to have fresh baked nutbread for Christmas morning. As the children gathered around the tree the excitement was clear on their faces. Even the older boys were virtually jumping up and down in their seats. Where last night when they went to bed the space under the tree was empty, this morning presents were all around the tree and extended out several feet from the base of the tree. The children’s eyes sparkled as they waited anxiously for permission to open presents.

They all knew what was to happen. Each of them could get three presents from under the tree and put it in their spot. They then each opened one present at the same time and then took turns opening the other two presents. They also got to clean out their stockings at this time. After those presents were opened they would stop and have some fresh nutbread and milk or hot chocolate. After the snack the remainder of the presents would be opened. Mr. Allen was charged with manning the video camera and Mrs. Allen had her digital camera for the still shots.

The kids had their three presents and their stockings laid out in front of them ready to tear into them when their dad said “Go to it kids”. With that the paper flew and the stockings were dumped unceremoniously on the ground. Then the kids took turns with the remaining two presents. Peter received a baseball glove, a fire engine and a fire helmet. Paula got nurse’s cap, a play hospital and a pretty dress. If anyone had been watching carefully they would have seen the momentary disappointment in Peter’s eyes when he opened his presents and the flicker of longing when he saw the pretty dress that Paula received.

However, it was Christmas morning and everyone was shouting and laughing and Peter knew he would have fun playing with the fire engine, just not as much as a doll. Still as they gathered around the kitchen table for the warm nutbread with butter melting on it Peter was all smiles. As far as he was concerned this was the best part of Christmas. If he ate all his bread he could probably talk his mom into letting him have a sugar cookie with frosting.

He knew there was a special angel and a Santa that he had decorated all by himself, but he wasn’t going to eat those now. He had helped his mom bake the cookies and then she let him help decorate the cookies. But these two were his pride and joy. The angel had a pretty dress and lace around the neck. She had blond hair and blue eyes. She even had a halo of silver. The Santa was special with a big smile. Peter could imagine Santa smiling like that when he turned from placing the presents under the tree knowing he had given the children what they wanted.

When he finished his slice of nutbread he asked, “Mom, can I have a sugar cookie with icing”?

His mom looked at him, smiled and said, “I guess so, this a special day, but only one I don’t want you spoiling your breakfast.”

Peter jumped up from his chair and ran over to the kitchen counter and pulled down the Christmas tin that held the sugar cookies. He tried to get the top off but couldn’t manage it. Finally his dad said, “Hey champ, give me the tin and I will get it open and I think I’ll have a cookie myself” He handed the tin to his dad and the tin was opened in no time. Everyone reached for the cookies at the same time. Peter managed to grab a camel, but didn’t see his special cookies. He looked around to make sure that neither Jim or Randy grabbed them. His mother saw him looking around and bent down and whispered to him, “Don’t worry, I put your special ones away for you, I know how hard you worked on them”. Peter knew at that moment that he had the most special mom ever. He reached up a gave her a big hug.

After everyone finished their cookies it was back to the living room to open up the rest of the presents. Mr. Allen sorted out all the presents and placed them in front of the children as they sat scattered around the floor. As Mrs. Allen looked at her precious family and took a couple pictures she thought that maybe they had gotten a little carried away with all the presents. The tradition was for everyone to take turns opening their presents, but Jim and Randy seemed to open two to everyone else’s one. By the time they had theirs all opened everyone else still had several left to open. Jim and Randy grabbed the two new video games and headed off to the family room to see how many levels they could master. Mrs. Allen was not happy, but knew that her two older boys were a lot like her husband and had very little patience for things like opening presents as a family.

The two girls and Peter took their time opening up their presents and even took time to complement the others on the gifts they received. Mr. Allen had the video running and Mrs. Allen kept snapping pictures as the presents were opened or as one of the children held up what they had received. Finally everyone but Peter was done. He had two presents left. He picked up one and start to unwrap it. As he tore at the paper with his little hands he saw a pink box and some hair. As the paper came off he knew it was just what he had asked Santa to give him a dress up doll. As he went to open the box Paula flew across the room and tried to take the box away from him. She screamed, “It’s mine, it’s mine, the dolly is mine, Santa made a mistake”. Peter yelled back, “No he didn’t make a mistake, it’s mine, its what I asked him to bring me.” Neither parent knew what to make of this scene.

Both children kept claiming that the doll was theirs and finally Mr. and Mrs. Allen had to separate them. This was the first time Mrs. Allen could remember these two fighting, they always had gotten along well together. Even though the two were separated they continued to make a fuss. The two boys came out of the family room to find out what all the ruckus was about. When they heard that the two youngest children were fighting over a doll, they started to laugh and then taunt Peter and call him a sissy and a baby. That was it. Peter went running at Randy and tried to hit him. Randy pushed him away. Peter fell backwards and hit his back on the coffee table and knocked over the flower arrangement which was on the table. Peter then rolled up in a ball and started to cry.

Mr. Allen told the boys to go to their rooms and stay there until he dealt with them later. Angela was picking up the flower arrangement. Paula went to try and help her twin but he pushed her away. Mrs. Allen picked Peter up and held him. “Honey, everything will be all right. The boys didn’t mean anything by what they said. If you want a doll we can get you a doll, but boys don’t play with dolls.”

Peter didn’t say anything. Paula walked up and tried to hand the doll to Peter. He took it and threw it across the room. After he stopped crying he got off his mother’s lap and went to his room. Angela came in an asked him if he wanted to play house. “Boys don’t play house, I’m a boy so don’t ever ask me to play house again”. Peter continued to play quietly in his room. However, he spent a lot of time just staring out the window. Paula came into his room and sat down. “I’m sorry Peter, I know it was your present and I don’t know what came over me. It won’t happen again. Would you like to come into my room and play.?”

“You’re right it won’t happen again because I’m never going to play with girl’s things again. Since your room is all girl’s thing and boys don’t play with girl’s things I just stay here in my room. Goodbye.” Paula got up and walked slowly out of the room. She had never seen her brother like this and she just wanted to make it better, but she didn’t know how to fix it.

What had started out as a wonderful day in the Allen household had suddenly become a disaster. There was a dark feeling in the house and no matter what anyone tried to do the happiness of the morning was lost. Peter refused to come down for breakfast. Mrs. Allen took a plate up for him but he didn’t eat anything. He was required to sit with the rest of the family for Christmas dinner. He ate some ham and green beans but didn’t talk unless he was spoken to and then his answer was a one word answer. After dinner he returned to his room and stayed there the rest of the day.

Randy and Jim were grounded for Christmas vacation. This did not go over well with them but both Mr. and Mrs. Allen made it clear that hitting their brother or teasing him was not acceptable in their family.

Everyone assumed Peter would bounce back. He always did. Peter had always been a loving child who smiled constantly and brought joy to the family. After that day he seldom smiled. Every once in a while he would let his guard down and laugh at something but it would only last for a moment and then the stoic unhappy child would return. He did what he was asked but he refused to play with his sisters or brothers. He would sit and play by himself or read a book.

At school he would answer the teachers questions and do his assignments. At recess he would play by himself. He would often be seen swinging by himself. If he set on the teeter totter and someone else came along he would get up and leave. He was a very solemn and lonely boy.

Paula and Angela attempted to bring their brother out of his funk, but nothing they tried worked. A despair settled over the girls at the loss they had suffered with the withdrawal of their brother.

Peter was not small for his age, but one day a couple boys started to tease him about being a loner and suggested he should play with the other girls. Peter picked up a rock, threw it and struck one of the boys in the chest. He then chased the other boy until he knocked the boy down and climbed on top of him. He sat on top of the boy hitting him until a teacher bodily picked him up and removed him. He was sent home from school for the rest of the day.

The next day Peter and his parents were required to be at school in the morning to meet with the Principal, Mr. Sampson. It wasn’t clear if he would be able to return to school. The Principal asked, “Peter why did you throw the rock at John and hit Gary with your fists?” “I’m a boy and they called me a girl. I will fight anyone who calls me a girl”. “Peter, that is unacceptable behavior and if you do it again you will be suspended from the school.” “Mr Sampson, I will not start a fight, but if they pick on me or call me a girl I will fight them.”

Peter was allowed to return to class. Mr. and Mrs. Allen stayed to talk with Mr. Sampson. Mr. Sampson started the conversation. “What happened to Peter, he used to be a happy and fun child, he played with his classmates and participated in class? Since he came back from Christmas vacation he has been a different child. He is quiet, withdrawn and he now a loner. What happened”?

Mr. Allen thought for a moment and then spoke. “On Christmas morning we were opening presents and Peter and Paula got into a small fight about a toy. The two older boys called Peter a sissy and a cry baby. Peter tried to hit Randy and Randy knocked Peter into the coffee table. I told him he had to grow up and act like a boy. Since that time no matter what we do Peter is withdrawn, surly and generally non-communicative.”

“Well Mr. and Mrs. Allen if he doesn’t come out of it soon I think you need to consider professional counseling. He appears to be a troubled child. He is not the caring child he once was. I hope we can get him back”.

A few weeks later Mrs. Allen was sitting in the den going through the Christmas pictures on her computer to sort them out and file them away. She paused when she came to the picture where Peter was opening up the fire truck. The look that the camera had caught was one of disappointment. She hadn’t noticed that when she took the picture. She had thought he was happy with the truck. Especially since he now played with it whenever he was in the sandbox outside. A few pictures later she saw the look on his face as he removed the last wrapping paper from the doll. It was a look of utter joy and happiness. That was the last picture as immediately after that the fight had broken out. She remembered that the doll was now in Paula’s room but no one played with the doll. It was like everyone knew it was Peter’s but he would have nothing to do with it.

Just then she heard Peter screaming. “Get away from me I’m not going to play dress up or house with you. I’m a boy and boys don’t play with stupid dolls.” She looked out of the den in time to see Angela and Paula sitting on the floor with sad looks on their faces as Peter’s door to his room slammed shut. Angela looked up at her mom and asked, “Mom, why won’t Peter play with us anymore? He used to like to play house with us and dress the dolls and pretend with us. Now he won’t do anything with us.”

“I don’t know Angela, but I think it’s time I find out. You two go on up to the playroom and find something to do I want to talk to Peter.”

And talk she did, over the next several months she would spend hour after hour talking with her son. She tried to find out what was bothering him or what he wanted. He would talk with her but he never really answered her questions.

It was a difficult time for the Allen family. Peter did well in school. His teachers commented that he didn’t seem happy, but he did what he was asked without complaint but didn’t socialize with any of the other children.

It was especially difficult for Paula. She had always played with her brother. They did everything together, but now she was alone. Angela tried to help, but it wasn’t like being with her twin. She sometimes blamed herself. If she hadn’t fought over that stupid doll this would never have happened. One afternoon she decided to do something about it. Peter wouldn’t talk to her or play with her. He was outside playing on the swing set. She knew if she went out there he would come back inside. That was just the way it was now.

She picked up the doll that had caused all the problems and the clothes that had been in the last present, took them into Peter’s room and arranged them on his bed. She fluffed up his pillows and leaned the doll back against the pillows. The clothes were scattered on the bed. She partially closed Peter’s door as she left.

She went upstairs to watch TV in the playroom in the attic and lost track of time. Later she heard a pounding and went down stairs to investigate. As she went towards Peter’s room she could tell the noise was coming from his room. Her mother was a few steps in front of her. As her mother opened the door Paula looked into the room to see Peter banging the doll on the corner of his desk. One arm and one leg were missing and the head was smashed in. The doll clothes had been cut up and were strewn around the room. He looked past his mom glared at Paula and screamed, “I told you I am a boy and I don’t play with dolls”. With that he threw the doll in the wastebasket and slumped in the corner of the room. Paula started to cry, she was almost seven years old but she didn’t know what to do.

Patricia Allen didn’t know what to do either, her two babies were hurting and she didn’t know how to help either of them. She reached out for Peter but he pulled away. Paula ran to her mom and hugged her as they both cried. But Peter was a boy and he didn’t cry. He hadn’t cried since Christmas morning and he had promised himself that he would never cry again.

That night Pat and David decided that they needed to get professional help for Peter. The next day Patricia contacted an acquaintance of hers who was the leading child psychologist in the area, Anna Shafer. She made an appointment for Peter and Paula. The children didn’t want to go, each for their own reason. Paula was afraid that the Doctor would tell her it was all her fault. She already knew that and didn’t need a Doctor to tell her that. Peter didn’t want to go because he knew there was nothing wrong with him. Boys were tough and he didn’t need to go to any sissy doctor.

They both met with Dr. Shafer weekly over the next several months. Paula was responsive to the therapy and improved in her general outlook, but still had a sadness to her because of Peter’s resistance to any change. The doctor had spent hour upon hour of talking with Peter. He would open up about school, his feelings towards his parents and his siblings. However, whenever she attempted to discuss his personal thoughts, his dreams and desires a wall came up. He merely stated that he wanted to grow up to be a strong man. She attempted to get him to explain what that met to him. Again the wall came up and he would deflect her questions.

One day Dr. Shafer asked what Peter’s favorite flower was. Peter seemed to be caught off guard, he started to answer then the wall came back up and he merely said the boys don’t like flowers. After the session was completed, Dr. Shafer asked Patricia to call her as they needed to talk.

Later that week the two women sat down to talk. “Pat, I think I have an idea what we may be dealing with, but I’m not certain that we will be able to ever break through the wall that Peter has constructed. I think that Peter enjoyed playing house with his sisters. He was closer to them than his brothers and found the pretend to be fun. I think he really wanted that doll and wanted to play with the doll with his sisters. But, when the entire family reacted the way they did he found himself totally embarrassed and didn’t want to ever experience that again. He withdrew and has created his ideal of what being a boy is. In his mind there is no caring, no touching and no affection if he is a boy. If he doesn’t care he can’t get hurt again. The problem is he can go one of two ways and I’m not sure which way he will go. I can’t predict it. He will either get more and more withdrawn or his old personality will start to come back. If his old personality starts to reappear we have a chance. If he becomes more and more withdrawn we may eventually have to institutionalize him to protect him from himself and others from him.”

“Anna, how could this have happened from just one incident?”

“It is really hard to say, especially since Peter won’t talk to us about it. But, if I had to guess I’d say he was feeling that he liked being a girl, maybe even wanted to be a girl, and by asking for a doll he was hoping he could let you and Dave know that he was feeling that way. When things didn’t go the way he hoped he didn’t have an alternate plan. He just knew at that moment he couldn’t tell you and everyone was expecting him to be a boy so a boy is what he is going to be.”

“I would suggest that slowly the girls start playing quiet games in the area where Peter is. He has effectively isolated himself from the family and his friends. He won’t open up immediately, but if over time the girls are in the same room and he watches them play we may be able to get him moving in the right direction. The older boys could help by playing video games that might interest Peter while he is in the room. We need to try and reduce his isolation. But, it will be a very slow process.”

Over the summer months and into the fall the family attempted all different types of approaches. Very little seemed to help, but Peter didn’t seem to slip any further away. Patricia and Dave were getting to the end fo their rope. They kept trying but nothing seemed to work. Pat and Dave started meeting with Dr. Shafer to have her help them with their disappointment. Dr. Shafer did point out the progress that had been made with Peter and encouraged them to continue.

The worst time was on the twins seventh birthday, October 17th. Paula wanted to have a party but Peter didn’t want to do anything. Finally it was decided that the family would go to “Fun & Games” for pizza and games. Everything was going well until a couple of Paula’s friends came up and asked her to go with them. Her parents said it was okay and off went the girls. Everyone was laughing and talking, except Peter, he was just sitting there with a plastic knife sawing back and forth on his wrist. His dad finally noticed him and quietly took the knife from him and put his arm around his son. After a little bit they went home. After everyone else went to bed David Allen sat in the family room and wept. He cried for the loss of his child and his inability to do anything to help him. He felt Peter slipping further and further away and felt a part of his heart break apart.

Unknown to him a small figure stood in the door and watched his father cry. He didn’t understand how a grown man could be crying. Men don’t cry. Peter turned around and walked quietly back into his bedroom.

The next day was a Saturday and Peter silently watched his father. He noticed how he kissed his mother, hugged his sisters and even his brothers. He realized that a man could show affection and care about people and still be a man. That was a small turning point for Peter and he did seem to come out of his shell and would interact with his family on a limited basis.

***

As Christmas approached everyone in the Allen household remembered the previous Christmas and wondered what would happen this year. There was a feeling of foreboding that seemed to permeate the home. Pat spoke often with Dr. Shafer to try and figure out how to approach the Holidays and what to do with Peter. It was decided to try and have as normal a Christmas as possible. Even with that it seemed everyone was on eggshells around Peter.

If the Allen household was troubled there was a not so jolly man up at the North Pole who was even more concerned. Over the centuries Santa Claus had helped many a child and granted wishes way beyond the mere giving of toys. But never had he faced such a dilemma. He felt totally responsible for Peter’s condition and felt that he needed to make it up to Peter. He, Mrs. Claus, Elmer and Esther had discussed the problem over and over all year, but he still wasn’t certain what to do. He had contacted a few of his mystical friends who had given him some ideas but he was no closer to an answer than he was six months ago.

Peter never sent a letter to Santa this year. His mother had encouraged him but after last year there was not a way in the world that he was ever going to talk to Santa or write to him again. Paula on the other hand knew what she wanted for Christmas and sent her letter off to Santa.

Dear Santa,

I don’t want anything for me this Christmas. Well I guess I do, I
want my brother back. He use to be my bestest friend. He would
play dress up with me and we would pretend we were sisters,
I was Paula and he was Petra. We were so happy. I won’t ever
make him do that again, but could you please bring him back to us.

Love,

Paula Allen

When Santa Claus read the letter he still didn’t know what to do. There was no magic spell he could cast to make Peter happy. There wasn’t any toy that he could think of that could change Peter’s outlook. As Christmas got closer Santa Claus was running out of ideas and time.

On the afternoon of Christmas Eve Santa was again sitting at his desk still trying to solve his dilemma. Everything was ready for later that evening. The sleighs were loaded and positioned in strategic places around the world. But, he still hadn’t decided what if anything he could do for Peter.

He pulled out Peter’s previous letters. They started when he was three and ended when he was six. Not much, but it was all he had. The letter when Peter was three was a drawing of a Christmas tree and what looked like presents. It was signed with a “P”. His four year old card had printed on it “To Santa” in big letters. Underneath was one word “presents”. There was a drawing that looked like it was supposed to be a reindeer(maybe). He had signed it Peter.

The card when he was five years old was covered in gold and silver star stickers. He had asked for a doll for his sister Paula and a stroller for Paula’s doll. He asked for games for him. His signature was a jumble of letters. Santa knew it was from Peter but there looked like there was an a in the signature.

The six year old card was very nice. On the cover Peter had printed "To" and below it drew a very nice picture of Santa with a big smile on his face. On the inside cover was a picture of an angel. The angel had a pretty dress with lots of lace. She had blond hair and blue eyes and a halo of silver. You could almost feel a sense of peace while looking at the picture. On the other side was written:

Dear Santa,

I think I have been good this year. I don’t want much, but if
you could bring me a dress up doll and some clothes then I
could play with my sister and we could be real sisters.

Thank you,

Petra

As Santa looked at the card he started to smile like the Santa on the front of the card. His dilemma was solved, he knew what he was going to do.

That night the Allen family went to the candlelight service at church. As the Carols were being sung Peter stood alone at the end of the pew and looked up at the angel suspended from the ceiling proclaiming the coming of the Christ Child. As he did he started to cry silently to himself. Paula who was standing next to him looked at him reached out and took his hand. Peter turned to her and hugged her for the first time in a year. Patricia stood next to her two young children openly weeping, her child was coming back to her.

After the service they returned home and the twins were shuffled off to bed. Peter asked if Paula could sleep with him and his parents happily agreed, however, with an admonition that they had to go to sleep and could not stay up talking.

Angela had announced to her parents in early November, that like Jim and Randy she knew there was no Santa Claus, but she still wanted to be surprised. She went off to bed shortly after the twins. Dave and Pat stayed up and put the presents under the tree. Dave had to eat two of the sugar cookies and a peanut butter ball on the plate. The milk, however, was poured down the sink.

After everybody was settled in for the night Dave and Pat headed off to bed. As they laid there they talked about how Peter seemed to be getting better, but slowly and maybe next year their loving child would come back to them.

As they drifted off to sleep they did not hear the soft footsteps passing by their door on the way to Peter’s room. If they had, they might have seen the glow that soon appeared as Santa delivered his gift to Peter. Santa returned downstairs where he left his special presents for the twins and smiled a big smile as he turned from the tree and disappeared in a flash of light.

As Peter awoke the next morning he knew something was different. As he slowly came awake he was entwined with Paula in a way he wasn't sure was possible. He, he had been a he, but now she was a she. As she started to slowly untangle herself from Paula she realized that her silent dream had been answered. She was now truly who she wanted to be, Petra! As she was trying to sit up all of a sudden she was tackled from behind. "Petra, Petra you're finally here, screamed Paula"

Hey, slow down, I'm just trying to get used to this. Paula wrapped her up in a gigantic hug. As Petra was finally able to sit up she noticed a note on her nightstand. It read:

Petra,

You and Paula are the only ones who know that
the change took place. Everyone else will remember
that you were always a girl. I know you will
enjoy your present. Please enjoy your life.

Love always,

Santa

***

The next morning Dave and Pat awoke to the screams of their twin daughters. Paula and Petra were jumping up and down on their parents bed urging them to get out of bed. It was Christmas morning and there were presents to be opened. It didn’t make any difference that it was 6:30 in the morning. It was Christmas. Pat grabbed Paula and pulled her to her. Paula squealed and told her mom to let her go. Dave grabbed Petra, pulled her down and started to tickle her. Paula tried to come to the aid of her sister, but she was being tickled by her mom. Both girls squealed with delight. Dave pulled Petra into a hug and said, “I love you so much Princess” and Petra responded saying, “Daddy I love you whole bunches” and she began to giggle again.

The four happy people arm in arm went to wake up Angela, Randy and Jim. Soon the smell of baking nutbread filled the house and the seven walked into the Great Room to look at the presents under the tree.

There in front of the Christmas tree were four dolls. Two of the dolls were angels. They were dressed in beautiful dresses with lace trim. They had blond hair and blue eyes and silver halos. If you looked closely, one looked an awful lot like Paula and the other like Petra. The other two were Santa Dolls with big smiles on their faces. The smiles said it all I think you girls will like this special present that is just for the two of you.

And they did.

Merry Christmas. May your Holidays be Blessed.

(P.S. Petra and Paula never stopped believing in Santa Claus)

Dru

Notes:

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2006-12-15 13:30:25 -0500

Summer Wine

Author:

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

7,500 < Novelette < 17,500 words

Genre:

TG Themes:

Permission:

Posted by author(s)

Originally posted 2006-12-08

Synopsis:

Summer Wine

Strawberries cherries and an angel ´s kiss in spring
My summer wine is really made from all these things

Mmm-mm summer wine

by Dru

Story:

Summer Wine
by Dru

I stand here wondering how it came to this and how my life has changed. I wonder what might have been, but then realize that I am in fact happy with my life as it is.

* * *

I remember when it all started. It was in the summer of 1967 when I was twelve years old. I was your typical young boy. I grew up in a small Midwestern town in Indiana. I was the only child of my parents. Back then I did what all young boys did during the summer, played pickup games of baseball or basketball, threw footballs around and rocks at each other and hung out with my friends. Girls were not an issue yet, but they were on the near horizon. My best friend Jim Harris and I lived a block from each other and if I wasn’t at his place he was at mine. Jim had a sister, Liz, who was two years older than Jim and me. At fourteen she was going to be a Freshman in high school in the fall and considered herself to be all grown up. Since Jim and I were going into seventh grade we weren’t worthy of her notice.

Me, I was just a scrawny kid. I was five feet-four and a proud ninety-five pounds. Hey, for a boy going into junior high that wasn’t too bad. Since we lived in a small town most of the boys played sports. Jim was big for his age and was our pitcher, quarterback and center on the basketball team. Me, I was the second baseman, halfback and point guard. It was a good time to be a boy and summer was the best time of all.

Both of Jim’s parents worked. The result was that Liz thought she was the head of the house when Jim and I were there. Normally, that wasn’t a problem. However, sometimes she just had to push an issue. Jim being bigger than I would stand up to his sister and tell her no. However, for me it was another issue. Liz and I were about the same size, but she was just enough bigger that whenever we wrestled I would normally end up on the bottom.

It all started one day at lunch in mid-July. Jim and I had eaten lunch at Jim’s and I were on our way out the door to meet the guys for a pick up game of baseball. Liz made it clear that we weren’t going anywhere until the dishes were done. I made the mistake of saying that doing dishes was “women’s work.” With that I found myself spun around by Liz, pushed up against the sink and an apron around my neck. Jim fell off his chair laughing and Liz stood there while I did the dishes and then wiped off the counter. We finally beat a hasty retreat out of the house. Of course when we got to the ball field, Jim had to tell everyone what happened. Being one of the guys I had to laugh with them, if I had pouted about it the teasing would only have gotten worse.

After that day, if we ate lunch at Jim’s house and Liz was there it was my job to do the dishes. Hey, if I’m eating their food, I guess it was only fair that I helped clean up (at least that’s how I rationalized it.)

***

The first two weeks in August Jim went away to a camp. His parents were a little better off than mine and I was told we couldn’t afford for me to go. I didn’t really now what I was going to do for two weeks. Yeah I could hang with the guys but it was always Jim and me and the guys. Something didn’t feel right with Jim being gone. Shortly after Jim left for camp Liz called one morning and asked if I could come over and help her move some things. I didn’t have anything else to do so I agreed. When I arrived, she called down from upstairs to come on up. I went up the stairs and then into her room. She wanted to rearrange her bedroom and wanted me to help move her furniture. I wasn’t thrilled but since I was already there I decided to help.

Things went well until I was backing up carrying a small table. The floor rug had gotten balled up and as I stepped backwards I tripped over the rug. I had the table in my hand and couldn’t drop it so I fell backwards on my back. I learned later that I had fallen against her makeup table and then landed on the floor. Apparently a bottle of perfume fell off the table, hit the table I was holding and broke open. The perfume soaked my tee shirt, shorts and underwear. I don’t think I passed out, but I was kind of groggy. As I was coming around and trying to focus, Liz was hovering over me asking if I was all right. When she decided I would live she yanked my tee shirt off. I asked her what she was doing and she said I needed to get out of the clothes and she would wash them to get the perfume smell out of them. She told me to strip and handed me a short robe that was hanging on the back of her closet door. I reluctantly agreed and handed her my shorts, socks and tee shirt. She told me to put the robe on and take off my underpants. Once I did that off she went to put my clothes in the washer.

I of course stood there looking around wearing her short silky robe and wondering what I had gotten into. When she came back, she told me to go take a shower since I smelled like a French whore house. She told me she would get me some clothes to wear and would put them in the bathroom. While I was in the shower, I heard the door open and then close. Even after scrubbing for ten minutes with Ivory ® soap I couldn’t get all the perfume smell to go away.

As I stepped out of the shower, I noted the pile of clothes laying on the bathroom counter. There was a tan pair of shorts a purple tee shirt and underwear. The only problem was they were girls’ shorts, tee shirt and underwear. I also noticed that the robe I had been wearing earlier was gone. I yelled through the door at Liz and asked her what she was thinking. She said that Jim’s clothes wouldn’t fit me but since she and I were about the same size I could wear her clothes. I resigned myself to the inevitable and started to get dressed. She had given me a pair of white lace underpants. They weren’t cotton but I didn’t know what they were made of at the time. All I know is as I pulled them up my legs I was amazed at how nice they felt. I then grabbed the shorts and found that they fit well. When I picked up the tee shirt, something fell on the floor. It was a bra. I yelled at Liz and she giggled and then claimed that I couldn’t wear that tee shirt without a bra. After a few seconds I struggled into the bra and looking in the mirror I saw a young girl looking back at me. For some reason the bra looked like it belonged and as I pulled the soft purple tee shirt on I smiled at the person looking back at me from the mirror. I tried to get a grip on myself but I couldn’t deny that I liked what I saw and how I felt.

I slowly opened the bathroom door and there stood Liz. She didn’t laugh, she merely looked at me and said I looked nice. I said, “yeah for a boy wearing girl’s clothes.” She then wrinkled her nose, smiled and said I smelled good too. I shook my head and wondered if it could get any worse. Yes, and it did. Soon I found myself in front of her makeup table. She worked on my hair and wound up putting it in a short braid. Then she put on some eye makeup, mascara, blush and pink lipstick. I just set there mesmerized. A pair of short socks and sneakers and we were done. She stood me up in front of a full length mirror and pronounced me done. All I could do was stare at the apparition in the mirror. As we were standing there, she turned to me and said, “it’s nice to meet you Cathy Martin.”

As it was close to lunch time, we went downstairs for lunch. We threw together a couple sandwiches and went into the living room to watch TV. As the afternoon went on we became girlfriends. After lunch we spent the afternoon talking and listening to music. Finally, it was time for her to start getting dinner ready before her mom got home and it was time for me to change back into being a boy. As I changed back into my clothes, I felt that I had left something behind. As I went to leave Liz kissed me gently on the lips, hugged me and whispered in my ear that she would like to see Cathy again tomorrow. Where did that come from? I said we’d see and walked home a very confused boy.

That night as I lay in bed trying to go to sleep my mind kept replaying the day’s events. I liked being a boy. I liked the sports and everything. However, there was a comfort I had not experienced before while spending the afternoon with Liz. I knew I was a boy, but when dressed as I was this afternoon I knew that the view I saw in the mirror seemed right. As I finally fell asleep looking out my window at the stars, I really didn’t know what I was going to do.

When I got up in the morning, I was intent on finding some of my guy friends and hanging out for the day and doing whatever boy things we chose to do. Just as I was ready to leave the house the phone rang. Mom let me know that the call was for me. It was Liz. She wanted me to come over to her house. I hesitated and then said I’d be there in ten minutes. As I walked over to her house I wasn’t certain what was going to happen but I found as I got closer I felt more at ease and happy thinking about what lay ahead.

When I got to her house we sat in the kitchen. I think we both knew we needed to talk before we did anything. Liz said she thought I made a very pretty girl and that I was nicer as a girl than a boy. I admitted that I had enjoyed dressing as a girl, but I was still a boy. Finally, we agreed that we would both dress up for the day. Why this was decided, I can’t remember, but I’m sure it made sense at the time.

That day was very different from the day before. Liz got out two of her fancy dresses and under things. Then we got dressed. I had never seen a girl in her underwear before. The boy part of me was very interested in taking in everything there was to see. The girl part of me looked on with envy and wonder at Liz’s body. She was a very pretty girl. Her hips and chest went out where they should and she had a thin waist. I particularly noticed her petite hands and feet. For the first time I think I understood the difference between boys and girls and thought that the girls had gotten the better part of the deal.

The dress went to just above my knees and felt soft. The underwear and slip were soft and lacy. I wore pantyhose and when I walked the feeling of the hose, slip and dress was amazing. In the end she put my hair in some hot curlers, did my makeup and gave me a pair of shoes with two inch heels. As we stood in front of the mirror I was amazed at how grown up we both looked. There was not question but that two pretty girls were standing side by side. We went downstairs hand in hand, sat in the living room and acted like proper young ladies. We watched TV and talked about girl things. I had never done this before and at times I found it totally alien.

However, as the day went on, I found that it was natural for me to smooth my dress as I set down, brush my hair out of my face in a feminine fashion, swish my skirt when I walked and wholly and completely act as a girl. I knew that this might cause me a problem later but didn’t care. I had found a part of me that I hadn’t known before and I liked it. I liked the taste and feel of the lipstick on my lips and how I left marks on a glass when I took a drink. The feel of the hose on my legs, the bra on my chest, and how the slip slid on my legs was so fascinating that I wondered why only girls got to wear these clothes.

I also realized that my relationship with Liz had changed. Two days ago I was a bratty twelve-year-old friend of her younger brother. Now I felt I was a girlfriend with whom she could share her thoughts and dreams. I wondered where this could possibly go. I knew that if any of our parents or friends found out about this that I was dead. I would be grounded by my parents for the rest of my life and I would be the laughing stock and punching bag of the Junior High. I knew I had to stop and told Liz what I thought. She made it clear that she liked her new girlfriend and would figure out a way to keep her around.

You know what, she did, for the rest of the two weeks while Jim was gone I was at Liz’s house every two or three days. On off days I would hang with the guys and she would hang with her girl friends. On the other days I was at her house early in the morning until just before her mom came home. We never went outside and kept the drapes closed so no one would know what we were doing. It was so much fun and I learned a lot about being as a girl. Liz and I became very close friends during that time.

There were times when I worried that she would “out me” but she never did. On the last day before Jim came home I was at her house and we were listening to music on the radio. A new song called “Summer Wine ©” came on the radio. I had heard it before, but this time I really listened to it. As I listened to the lyrics a strange thought came to me. The song, in part, went something like this:

Strawberries cherries and an angel ´s kiss in spring
My summer wine is really made from all these things

I walked in town on silver spurs that jingled to
A song that I had only sang to just a few
She saw my silver spurs and said lets pass some time
And I will give to you summer wine
Ohh-oh-oh summer wine

Strawberries cherries and an angel ´s kiss in spring
My summer wine is really made from all these things
Take off your silver spurs and help me pass the time
And I will give to you summer wine
Ohhh-oh summer wine

My eyes grew heavy and my lips they could not speak
I tried to get up but I couldn’t find my feet
She reassured me with an unfamiliar line
And then she gave to me more summer wine
Ohh-oh-oh summer wine

When I woke up the sun was shining in my eyes
My silver spurs were gone my head felt twice its size
She took my silver spurs a dollar and a dime
And left me cravin’ for more summer wine
Ohh-oh-oh summer wine *

*song by Lee Hazlewood

My thought was that it would be wonderful if when I drank the Summer Wine and my eyes grew heavy and couldn’t feel my lips that when I woke there was long blond hair in my eyes and I was a girl. I started to cry and Liz came and hugged me. She wanted to know what was wrong and I told her my thoughts. She apologized for dressing me and causing the problem. I told her that I would always be in her debt for letting me experience the joy of dressing as and being a girl, if only for a short while. We both knew that tomorrow I would have to go back into boy mode and be David again.

Later I changed my clothes, hugged my very special friend and headed for home. I as got to the edge of her porch she said, “Cathy, I’ll see you later girlfriend and I’ll have some Summer Wine for you.” I smiled a sad smile, turned, walked slowly down the steps, and made my way home.

***

Jim was home, school was ready to start and it was football season. I was a boy. For the week before school I was in full boy mode playing football and roughhousing with the guys. The Junior High was in the same building as the High School so Jim and I would walk with Liz to school in the mornings. I think Jim noticed the change in how Liz and I got along but he never said anything. Liz and I would talk when we walked and I would complement her on her clothes but we never let on to anyone about what we had done.

Liz tried out for the JV cheerleaders and made the team. Jim and I were both on the Junior High football team. Many nights I would go over to Jim’s to study. Liz started sitting with us to do her homework. We would talk about different things and when Jim went to get something Liz would make sure things were okay with her girlfriend. I would often be the one to listen to her problems and concerns. However, I never let my guard down. I wasn’t going to let Jim find out what I had done while he was at summer camp.

Things went along with no changes. However, when Halloween approached Liz started working out what costumes the three of us should wear. She got her mom and my mom involved, which meant Jim and I had no say in what was decided. Jim was now almost thirteen, six feet tall and a hundred seventy pounds. I had grown an inch to five feet five inches and gained seven pounds so I now weighed one hundred two pounds. Liz and I were virtually the same size which our moms noted. I don’t know how it happened but it was decided that Jim would go as a basketball player and Liz and I would go as cheerleaders.

The costumes were easy. The hard part was getting me to leave the house. I loved the costume, but I was scared out of my mind at what everyone would think of me dressed as a girl. Luckily my dad wasn’t home while we got ready. I don’t think my knees stopped knocking all the way to the school. When we got out of the car I tried to climb back in but Liz slammed the door shut. Jim thought it was hilarious. I was ready to run home or deck Jim, I couldn’t make up my mind. Just then three of Liz’s girlfriends came up in costumes just like Liz’s and mine. They all hugged Liz and then me. Apparently Liz had told them about the costumes and they thought I was brave to do what I was doing. Hey I was a seventh grade boy and I was hanging with Freshman girls. Even if I was dressed as a girl it was really neat. The six of us set off for the gym and the party. Probably the best thing that happened that night was that no one recognized me and the girls told them I was a cousin of Liz’s from out of town. That was probably the only thing that saved my skin.

I had a lot of fun. One of the sophomore boys apparently thought I was cute. He danced with me and tried to kiss me good night. Somehow I avoided that and swore that would be the last time I would ever go out in public. Unfortunately I didn’t know how true that statement was going to prove to be in the future.

During that school year Jim, Liz and I came to do a lot of things together. We all had other friends, but many a night would find us hanging together. We would go to the movies together or with other friends and down to the local burger place. This made Jim and me two of the cool Junior High boys. We got to hang with the JV cheerleaders and even most of the High School guys weren’t upset because we were too young to be a threat to their dating interests. Liz and I would find time to sit and talk. She told me about her crushes and I was there to comfort her when she had her heart broken for the first time. I knew I was her girlfriend and confidant and that was really neat.

The next summer Liz went away to cheerleader camp. Jim and I went to football camp and the coach had us on a weight program. When Jim went away to basketball camp Cathy returned. I will always remember those two weeks and the time Cathy got to spend with Liz. Cathy blossomed and Liz and I became even closer. Liz tried to talk me into walking down to the burger place and recreating the role of her cousin. I pointed out that Jim knew who her cousin really was and if when he came back from camp he found out his cousin had visited I would be a laughing stock. We still had fun, talked about school and different couples, did each others makeup, painted our nails and generally acted as teenage girls. Once again Jim returned home and Cathy went away. Little did we know at the time that puberty and life would make this the last time Cathy would see the light of day.

Just before Labor Day my voice cracked. My dad let me know that this meant that I was becoming a man. We had an abbreviated “father-son” talk and by Thanksgiving with the football weight training I was five feet eleven and one hundred fifty-five pounds. I started shaving. My legs, arms and chest got hairy as I matured into a young man.

Over the next two years I grew two more inches and bulked up to one hundred ninety-five pounds. Both Jim and I started as Sophomores on the football team. Jim was the quarterback and I was the middle linebacker. I also played part-time at fullback. We had a lot of fun that year. Liz was a senior and captain of the cheerleaders. She had a steady boyfriend who was also on the football team. We still studied and hung around together. Jim dated a lot. What would you expect for the star quarterback? I dated some but never had a steady girlfriend.

Liz understood why. Once when we were sitting and talking and everyone was too busy to pay attention to us she noticed me watching Debbie Williams. She accused me of having the hots for Debbie and then she looked in my eye and I saw that she understood. She looked at me and all she said was “Summer Wine.” I smiled sadly and nodded. I had the hots for Debbie’s body, not like the other guys, I wanted it to be my body.

I realized that night that Cathy had to go away. As they say, you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. Here I was the big tough linebacker all big and muscled, shaving every day and full of testosterone. But, I wanted to wear a dress, hose, heels, makeup and be pretty. It just wasn’t going to happen. One look in the mirror and it was clear, I would be one ugly looking girl.

At the end of my Sophomore year Liz headed off for college. She was going to Indiana University and was majoring in nursing. She had summer classes she had to take so she left shortly after her graduation. We had one last afternoon together. We spent it in her room. She played with my hair and even put some makeup on me. However. I was now six inches taller than she and a hundred pounds heavier. There were no shoes, dresses, skirts or anything that would fit me. When I looked in the mirror the pretty girl I had seen before was no more. I was just a boy with makeup on his face. I cleaned off the makeup, hugged my friend one last time and said I would see her when she came home from college. As I was leaving she played “Summer Wine ©” on her phonograph and said goodbye to Cathy.

For the next two years of high school I was all boy. I continued to play football, baseball and basketball. I dated some. By that time Jim had a steady girlfriend. There were times we would double date, but there were many nights when I sat home alone, studied and listened to music. Mom and dad were very supportive parents. They were always there for me and encouraged me in anything I tried. They let me know if they liked a girl I dated and told me how nice she was. However, no matter what I did or whom I dated we were just friends.

Some nights when mom and dad went out for dinner or over to another couples’ house to play cards I would close the drapes and sneak into mom’s closet. Mom was a little bigger than Liz, but nothing would fit. There was one skirt that had an elastic waist, one slip that stretched to fit my waist. My hair was still fairly long. It was the early seventies after all. However, I was reduced to slippers for shoes and a short robe for a top. I would get all excited as I dressed, but when I looked in the mirror there was just a man in drag standing there. Everything would come off and I would swear that I would never do it again. But, a couple of months later I would try it again with the same results.

We made the state playoffs in Football and Jim was named to first team allstate. I made honorable mention as a linebacker. Jim was offered a scholarship to Nebraska, a national powerhouse. I was offered a partial ride to a small IIA school in Missouri. Jim and I had a great senior year. We were on the basketball and baseball team together and remained best friends. He tried to talk me into coming to Nebraska and trying to be a walk-on, but I decided I would be more comfortable with where I was planning to go. My folks tried to talk me into going to Indiana State and not playing football, but I wanted to get away and try to find my future. Missouri seemed like as good a place as any.

Liz was still at IU and had been accepted into the nursing program. I had seen her a couple of times when she was home from college. She stayed at school in the summer as she worked at the hospital. We had talked on the phone a couple times to see how each other was doing. We hadn’t grown apart as much as time just moved on. When we were together it was like we hadn’t been apart. But, I knew I had to move on and David had to get a life.

After graduation, Jim left early in the summer to go to Nebraska. He had to learn the playbook and work out with the other players. Since I was going to a IIA university I didn’t have to report until mid-August. I got a job working for a local construction company and made some money for college. Liz was home for a couple weeks and we got together several times. One night she pulled out a bottle of wine and said we should have a drink for old times. She told me it wasn’t Summer Wine but it was strawberry wine and it was a close as she could get. After we finished the bottle we kissed and hugged each other. That was when Liz told me I kissed like one of her girlfriends when they were saying goodbye. I wondered what that meant as I walked home. We didn’t try to find Cathy because we knew it wouldn’t work. We decided we could still be good friends and we were.

The next year and a half went by with nothing changing. I enjoyed school and had a good circle of friends, both male and female. I didn’t have any as close as Jim or Liz, but I felt like I belonged. Interestingly, I often found myself sitting with several girls and just talking at many of the parties. Other guys would come up and try to hit on them but I just enjoyed spending time with them. That’s just the way it was.

I was red-shirted my first year so I focused on my school work. I did play quite a bit my sophomore year. I played outside linebacker and was on the kick-off team. I was the guy who ran down the middle of the field and tried to get to the returner first. During the next to the last game of the season I was running full out when a player from the other team rolled into my left leg. My ligaments in my left knee were badly torn and that ended my football carrier. I had never planned to make football a carrier after college, but I had hoped to play all the way through college.

Since my football life was over I refocused on my studies. It was the fall of 1974 and computers were being touted as the future hot spot for employment. I had been majoring in business and now focused on a dual major in business and computer science.

Jim started for Nebraska as a sophomore and had pro scouts looking at him by the end of the year. He went on to start the last two years. We would get together if we were both in town at the same time. However, each Christmas break Nebraska was off to a bowl game. Since it was an eleven or twelve hour drive from Lincoln back home, Jim usually only made it home for spring break and a couple weeks in the summer. From what I knew he had a great time in college and certainly was what you would consider to be the big man on campus. Looking back I remember when he called me during his senior year and we talked for a long time. It was kind of funny, we hadn’t called each other on the phone more than a couple times in four years and out of the blue came this call. He finally told me he thought he was going to ask his steady girl friend to marry him at Christmas. We talked for a while about what a relationship meant and what type of commitment it required. I don’t ever remember talking with Jim about those things before, but we did that day. I found out later that he decided not to ask her and she broke off the relationship.

I went home each summer to work construction. Liz had graduated from nursing school in May of 1975 and started work in July at a hospital in Indianapolis. We got together a couple times before she moved to Indy. She was the same old Liz, we laughed and kidded with one another. She talked about her boyfriends, bad dates and what nursing school was like. I found myself again longing for Cathy to appear and share this time with Liz, but Cathy didn’t exist anymore. I realized that although Liz and I would always be best friends and we could talk about anything, part of our relationship would have to remain in the past and buried out of sight. We did share a bottle of wine one night. It certainly was not a “Summer Wine” and no matter how hard I wished I knew there would never be any “Summer Wine” for me.

I stayed in the dorms through the end of my sophomore year but then got an apartment. I was going to share an apartment with a friend from the football team but that fell through just before school started. He was placed on academic probation and the only way he could stay on the team was to live in the dorms. I was able to find a single bedroom apartment that I could afford. It wasn’t the nicest place but it was mine.

College life continued and I focused on my studies. I had a good circle of friends with whom I got together with on weekends and special occasions. I went to the football games and even tutored a couple of the players in math for some extra cash. I also couldn’t stop my desire to dress. From time to time I would find myself at Goodwill or a discount store and would come up with all kinds of excuses for buying women’s clothes. It’s also amazing how you can pilfer a lipstick or mascara from a date’s purse or pocket and they think they forgot and left it somewhere. However, every six months or so I would go through a purge and throw everything out. Several months would go by and I’d start over again. No matter what I did there was always a man in a dress in the mirror. I missed Cathy so much, but she was gone.

I remember I had dated this one girl for several months and thought I might be able to explain my need to her. I started but couldn’t finish. I think she thought I was on drugs since I didn’t make any sense. It was clear to me I wasn’t going to be accepted and knew I had to keep my secret to myself. By the time I was a senior I was down to one hundred eighty pounds but I was six one and there was no way I could ever pass as a woman. I thought about going to a Halloween party dressed as a girl. I got everything together, got dressed, but couldn’t leave the apartment. I wished I could stop wanting to dress and be normal, but I couldn’t.

I graduated from college and got a job in St. Louis as a computer programmer. My job didn’t start until the middle of July so I went home to see the folks. Liz was at home for a week. She was going overseas on an aid mission with a group of doctors and nurses from the Midwest. She would be gone for four months. She had been dating a doctor for the last two years. His name was Matt and he was also going on the aid mission. She thought if things went well that they might get married when they returned. As we said goodbye we hugged and she told me I was still her best girlfriend. I didn’t say anything.

Jim was at home and was waiting to see if he got picked up by a pro team. Otherwise, he had another semester to complete for his pre-law degree. We hung out together for the three weeks I was home. It was fun getting to know him again and renewing our friendship. He was the same old Jim. Even though he was the big man on campus he was still my friend. He laughed at my jokes and we enjoyed our time together. Jim did get picked up by the Kansas City Chiefs and since it was just down I-70 from St. Louis I knew I would be going to a few games that fall.

***

I settled into my job and found St. Louis to be a nice City. I still didn’t date much. I liked women but I just wasn’t able to establish a long term relationship. That fall I would drive over to Kansas City every couple weeks and watch the Chiefs play. Jim didn’t get play at all. He was the third string quarterback. He did hold the ball for field goals and extra points but he seemed happy when we got together after the games. Usually the nights after the games were spent at a fancy bar or club with a lot of partying. I remember some long drives back to St. Louis either late Sunday night or early Monday morning. Even though Jim was the third string quarterback he didn’t lack for female company. I even benefitted from time to time when we were out together. I did ask Jim why he didn’t settle down with one girl. He said that he just couldn’t find the right one. He knew she was out there but he hadn’t found her yet.

I plugged along in St. Louis. Work was interesting and I had made several friends. I had a two bedroom apartment and I had again visited the discount stores. I again tried to dress up as a witch for Halloween but again never left my apartment. On Monday everyone at work wondered why I didn’t come to the party. I just passed it off as I just wasn’t up for it. Before I went home at Christmas to see the folks I again packed up all my girl stuff and purged my life again. At New Years I made my resolution, I would find a girlfriend, get serious and get married. I would no longer dress or try to be a girl in any way.

When Jim and I got together that Christmas he told me that after the season ended he was going back to Northwestern to finish his degree. He realized he would never make it big in the NFL so he wanted to go to law school and practice law when his pro career was over. He also wanted to find a girl, get married and have a family. I said the same thing but somehow it sounded hollow.

I returned to St. Louis and went on with my life. I dated a lot but could never find the right person. Life just went on. In May my phone rang and it was Liz. She called me girlfriend and I said we weren’t going to go there. She merely laughed. She announced that she was getting married at Thanksgiving and wanted to make sure I was going to be there. I assured her that I wouldn’t miss it. We chatted like old times for almost an hour. Just as we were about to hang up she asked me to come to Indy to spend the Memorial Day weekend with her. Apparently her fiancé was going to be out of town and she wanted to spend time with me. Since this would probably be the last time we would spend some quality time together I agreed. I knew that once she got married it wouldn’t work for me to be the other man in her life even if she thought of me as her girlfriend. I did make her promise that she wouldn’t try to dress me up. She told me that she would never try to dress David up ever again.

I didn’t have to work on Friday so I headed for Indy early in the morning. I arrived at Liz’s apartment around lunch time. She had a nice two bedroom apartment near the hospital where she worked. She was a surgical nurse and was off for the entire weekend. I could see that although it was her apartment Matt spent a lot of time there. When I questioned her about it she blushed and said it was time for lunch. She made us a simple lunch and we sat across her kitchen table and talked. It was like old times she told me about her fiancé Matt, how they met, fell in love and their plans. It was just like old times and as the afternoon passed I found myself drawn to Liz and wishing we could be true girlfriends. We decided to go out for dinner. It was a casual place, we had a nice dinner and went home early.

When we got home Liz changed into some sweats, but I just stayed in my slacks and polo shirt. Liz came back out carrying a bottle of wine. A better quality than we had drunk in the past. I kidded her about it and she said it was a special occasion. I opened the bottle as she put on some music. She put on some oldies and we sat there talking about old times and some of the things we had done. As the wine bottle was emptied we reached the topic of Cathy. With the bottle empty I admitted that I had enjoyed my time as Cathy and still wondered what it would be like to be able to relive that time or even now be Cathy. I should have realized that for every glass of wine Liz drank she made certain I drank two. As it was getting late, I decided that I was going to bed. Liz asked me to have one more glass of wine with her. I picked up the empty wine bottle to show her that we were done. She jumped up grabbed my glass and said she had an open bottle in the kitchen and would get me a glass. I wasn’t going anywhere so I sat back down and waited for her to return.

When she came back and before she handed me my glass she said that she had always loved her friend Cathy and wished that she could have been in her wedding. I took my glass and toasted her saying “to my special girlfriend and her happiness” or something like that. The wine tasted different from what we had been drinking. It had a taste of strawberries, cherries and something else. I asked Liz about it and she told me it was a native wine she had picked up when she was on her aid mission. She said she had saved it for this special occasion. This was the second time she had used the term special occasion and wondered what she met.

As we sat sipping our wine, I asked her what we were going to do the next day. She said she had a fitting for her wedding dress and wanted me to come along. I asked her if she had selected her bridesmaids yet. She said she had everyone lined up but her Maid of Honor but she was pretty sure that would be worked out soon. I realized I had probably drank too much and was feeling a little strange. I was getting tired and I couldn’t keep my eyes open. As I tried to speak nothing came out. I tried to stand but I couldn’t move my feet. Liz came over to the couch, laid me down, covered me with a blanket, kissed my cheek and told me she would see Cathy in the morning. That didn’t make any sense. As I drifted off to sleep, I heard the stereo play these words:

Strawberries cherries and an angel ´s kiss in spring
My summer wine is really made from all these things

Mmm-mm summer wine

***

When I woke up the sun was shining in my eyes, but there was something else, there was long blond hair across my face. I reached up to move the hair and saw Liz sitting in the chair across the room with a strange smile on her face. I went to sit up but my pants felt like they were tied around my legs. As I struggled to sit up I realized my feet were only part way down the legs and I was swimming in the pants. Liz started to laugh at my efforts. I told her it wasn’t funny. When I heard my voice I knew something was very different. My male baritone sounded like a woman’s voice. That was when I looked at my body and realized I was a woman. After a few moments I looked up at Liz and she simply asked if I liked her “Summer Wine.” I smiled, said yes and started to cry.

Liz came over and we just held each other for what seemed like forever. Finally, she told me that when she was on her aid mission she heard a local tale that told of how young men in the village she was working in would change into women. The others in her group laughed at the idea, but because of me she sought out the local medicine man. He claimed that the potion was distilled from local plants and fruits. It was drunk as part of a purifying ceremony. All of the village’s children drank the potion on their 14th birthday. If the essence of the individual was their given sex then the potion merely gave them good health. If the essence for the boy was that of a woman then he was changed to match his essence. She told the medicine man that she had a friend who was a girl but was trapped in a man’s body. He gave her the potion and that was what I had drank last night.

We went into the hallway so that I could look in the mirror. There stood a grown up Cathy. I was five-seven, had blond hair, blue eyes and a nice figure. Except for our hair and eye color Liz and I could have passed for sisters. I again got all emotional and started to cry. Back on the couch Liz said she always knew I was a girl and had always been her best friend. She was so glad that my body finally matched my mind.

All of a sudden I started to shake. I’d just realized that I was going to have to tell, maybe convince, my folks, my boss at work and everyone I knew that instead of a six-one man I was now a five-seven woman. Liz reached over on the coffee table and picked up a purse that I seemed to recognize. She took out a wallet and showed me the I.D. The driver’s license and company I.D. card identified the attractive woman shown in the picture as Cathy Martin. What had happened to David Martin? She told me that according to the medicine man the potion changed the historical perception to match the real person.

Liz announced that we needed to get dressed, eat breakfast and then go shopping. I had no idea what she was talking about and said so. She then informed me that she had to get to her fitting for her bridal gown and I had a fitting for my Maid of Honor dress. I hugged her and cried again. We spent the rest of the day and weekend as two girlfriends shopping and just having fun. As I drove back to St. Louis on Monday, I found myself overcome with amazement at the change that had taken place. Over the next couple weeks I adjusted to my new situation and found that I felt like I belonged for the first time that I could remember. That’s not to say that some of the changes seemed foreign, but let’s say I adapted.

Liz’s wedding was a lot of fun. I never thought I would be a real girl let alone a Maid of Honor. The wedding took place in our hometown and it was strange to be accepted as a woman by everyone. Liz and I were the only ones who remembered that I used to be a boy. My parents were there and when I danced with my dad he called me his special little princess. I guess I was; at least that’s how I felt. Jim had not brought a date to the wedding. He was one of the groomsmen and I guess he wanted to spend time with other members of the bridal party. I admit I did dance several dances with him and we spent time talking about old times and how it was strange that we never dated since I was his sister’s best friend.

***

Now two and half years later I stand here alone looking back on my life and the amazing changes that I have experienced thanks to my best girlfriend. Liz walks up to me, nudges me and asks if I am ready. I look at her and nod. She then starts to walk down the aisle of the church as I take my father’s arm, smile up at him and tell him I love him. As we start down the aisle I look to the front of the church and see Jim, my husband to be waiting for me to become his wife. I forget about the wedding march and find myself humming "Summer Wine".

EPILOGUE:

After we were married, I moved to Kansas City with Jim and we bought a house. I continued to work and Jim stayed with the Chiefs for a few more years. We decided that we would hold off having children until he completed his law degree. He did get his law degree and became a lawyer. We both wanted to move back to Indiana so when he quit football we moved to Indianapolis.

He works for a large firm downtown and I’m now a house mummy. Both Liz and I decided not to work when we each had our first child (two weeks apart). Liz and Matt live across the street from Jim and me. Liz and I are still best friends and sometimes our husbands have to physically separate us. Usually all it takes is a suggestion that its time for bed.

Jim and I are still in love and I can’t wait to feel his strong arms around me every day when he comes home from work. I watch our son and daughter, and Liz and Matt’s two boys grow and hope none of them will have the issues that I had. But, if they do, I know that Liz and I will be there for them. Liz does know where to get more of the potion.

Jim does wonder why every once in a while at night he will find me in our darkened family room, the CD player on repeat and Nancy Sinatra and Lee Hazlewood singing “Summer Wine” over and over with me quietly crying. When he finds me there he simply turns off the CD player, picks me up and carries me upstairs to bed. He asked me once why I listened to the song if it made me cry. I told him that I wasn’t crying sad tears, but I was crying tears of joy. I don’t think he understood, but I know he loves me and that’s more than enough.

I hope you too can find your “Summer Wine”.

Strawberries cherries and an angel ´s kiss in spring
My summer wine is really made from all these things

Mmm-mm summer wine

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Notes:

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The Nutcracker

Author:

Audience Rating:

General Audience (pg)

Publication:

7,500 < Novelette < 17,500 words

Genre:

Character Age:

Preteen or Intermediate

TG Themes:

Sweet / Sentimental

TG Elements:

Christmas

Permission:

December 2006 Holiday Story Contest Entry

Synopsis:

She so wanted to be a ballerina and dance the Nutcracker, but . . .

The Nutcracker

by Dru

Story:

The Nutcracker

by Dru

Jamie Evans was born in New York City on Christmas day 1995. He was the only son of Elaine Evans. His mother was twenty-four years old when Jamie was born. She had never married Jamie’s father. In fact, Jamie had never met his father. He had asked his mother about his father once. She said he was a dancer she had dated for a short time and he then went back to France. She had written him to let him know that she was pregnant but he never responded. Elaine was also a dancer. She had attended Juilliard and danced for the New York Ballet. She also danced with other ballet troupes around the country as a visiting artist.

Fortunately for both Jamie and his mother, Elaine’s parents fully supported Elaine’s decision to keep the baby and helped to care for Jamie when Elaine had to practice, perform, or travel. As Jamie grew up he was very close to his grandparents. However, the relationship between Jamie and Elaine was very special. Even when Jamie was four or five he would sit in rapt attention as his mother described her experiences as a dancer. She would tell him how it felt to dance in her toe shoes as she turned round and round; or what it was like to run across the stage, leap high in the air and be caught in the strong arms of her dance partner.

One day when he was six Jamie asked his mother, “What was your favorite role to dance?”

Elaine thought for a moment and then responded, “That is a very difficult question. I have enjoyed all my dancing and each ballet calls on different skills and techniques, but I think my first dance as a lead dancer is still my favorite, it was the ‘Nutcracker’.”

“I danced it when I was eleven. I had been dancing for six years and knew I wanted to be a ballerina. I had practiced and practiced and when I won the part of Clara I don’t think I had ever been happier -- that is not until you were born. Anyway, the ‘Nutcracker’ will always be my favorite because it was my first.”

“Mommy, what is the ‘Nutcracker’ about?”

“Jamie, it is a very sweet fairytale about a young girl who is named Clara Stahlbaum. The story takes place in the Stahlbaums' home, where a Christmas party is being held. Clara and her little brother Fritz were allowed to attend the party which was being hosted by their mother and father. Many of their friends and family are in attendance. Herr Drosselmeyer the children’s mysterious godfather, enters the room. He produces a large bag of gifts for all the children, except Clara. He then produces three life-sized dolls with whom all the children and adults dance. When the dances are finished, Clara approaches Herr Drosselmeyer wondering if she was to receive a gift. Herr Drosselmeyer acts as though he is out of presents, and Clara runs to her mother in tears.

Herr Drosselmeyer then produces a toy Nutcracker. But it is not your typical nutcracker, it is a soldier with a sword, medals and looks like a Prince. Clara carefully studies the nutcracker as her smile grows and then holds it to her chest. She is so excited with the gift she sets the nutcracker on a table and hugs her Godfather and thanks him for the best present she has ever received. However, her brother Fritz is jealous, and breaks the Nutcracker. Clara falls to the ground in tears. Drosselmeyer picks up the pieces of the broken nutcracker and hands it to Clara. Somehow, magically the nutcracker is made whole again. Clara again smiles and hugs Herr Drosselmeyer.

The party ends several hours later and the Stahlbaum family goes off to bed. Her parents make Claea leave the Nutcracker under the Christmas tree, but Clara is concerned about her Nutcracker, and quietly sneaks down stairs to the Christmas tree to make sure her Nutcracker is safe. She falls asleep under the tree with the Nutcracker clutched in her arms.

When the hall clock strikes midnight, Clara awakes. As she looks around, she hears the sound of mice. She tries to run up to her parents’ room, but the mice stop her. Perhaps she is still dreaming as she shrinks down to the size of the other toys under the Christmas tree. The Nutcracker comes to life and turns into a Prince. He and his soldiers stand to defend Clara. The Mouse King leads his mice into battle against the toy soldiers. As the battle rages Clara throws her slipper at the Mouse King. The slipper hits the Mouse King in the head and he turns to attack Clara. The Nutcracker is then able to stab the Mouse King and the King dies. The other mice retreat, taking their dead leader with them. The Nutcracker and Clara dance away. There is more to the story, but that is the main part.”

“Mom, that is such a wonderful story. Can I take dancing lessons so I can dance the Nutcracker?” asked Jamie.

“Jamie, you are too young for the part and only ballerinas can dance the part of Clara. Though you could dance the part of the Nutcracker.”

“But mom, the best part is that of Clara.”

“I know dear, but only ballerinas can dance the part of Clara.”

“I can be a ballerina.”

“I’m sorry son, but only girls can be ballerinas.”

“Why mom? If I learn how to dance and can dance the part why can’t I be a ballerina? Why can’t I be Clara?”

“Jamie, you are a boy, boys can dance ballet, but they can’t be ballerinas.”

“But mommy, I want to be a girl, I want to be the best dancer ever and be Clara.”

The conversation ended with Elaine trying to convince Jamie that he couldn’t be a ballerina and Jamie convinced that there was no reason he couldn’t be a girl or a ballerina.
She did agree that Jamie could take dance lessons. Over the following years Jamie continued with his dance studies and Elaine continued to dance to support her son and herself. Whenever she would have to be gone, even for extended periods, her parents would take care of Jamie.

Jamie progressed with his lessons and became a very good dancer in his own right. He was always one of the central figures in the recitals and performances of his dance troupe. When he was eight he was chosen to be one of the Sugarplums in the Nutcracker for a local production. All through this time Jamie wanted to be a ballerina. But his mother maintained that a boy couldn’t be a ballerina.

***

Jamie never told anyone, but, he knew something was wrong with him. He had no desire to play sports or wrestle as other boys did. He wanted to dance and do the things girls did. Most of all he wanted to be a girl. He knew that someone, probably a doctor in the hospital, made a mistake. He knew he had boys parts down below and everyone considered him to be a boy, but he knew he was really a girl.

If he could find the doctor, Jamie would tell the doctor that the doctor needed to fix the mistake that the doctor made. Jamie believed that it would be a simple thing to make things right. When he was eight he decided to ask his mom to take him to the doctor.

“Mom, I need to go to the doctor. Can you make an appointment for me?”

“Jamie, are you sick? Why do you need to go to the doctor?”

“The doctor made a mistake when I was born.”

“What kind of mistake?”

“He made me a boy instead of a girl, I need to go back to him and have him fix it.”

Elaine had to stifle a laugh, because she could tell that Jamie was serious. “Jamie, that’s something he can’t fix. Once you’re born a boy that is what you are.”

“But mom, I know I’m a girl. I might have a boy’s body, but I’m a girl.”

“Honey, I know you’ve spent a lot of time with me and you don’t have a father in your life and you haven’t had a chance to do boy things. It’s just . . .”

Jamie interrupted, “Mom, you don’t understand. I don’t like to do boy things. I don’t like to play ball and all the other things I have to do because I am a boy. I want to be a girl. It’s what I have wanted since I was four or five. I’m a girl on the inside I just need the outside changed. I’ve gone to bed every night hoping I will wake up the next morning a girl. Will you help me or not?”

“I think I understand what you are saying. Would it be okay if I took some time to think about it?”

“Sure mom, but I’m not going to change my mind.”

That night after Jamie went to bed Elaine sat in the livingroom of their condo overlooking the city with a glass of wine on the table beside her. She was lost in thought. She thought back to when she was pregnant with Jamie. She was positive she was going to have a girl. She had even picked out her name, Jamie. She almost cried when they told her she had given birth to a son, but one look at her precious child and she knew she would love that child whether it was a girl or a boy.

As Jamie grew up she had tried to expose him to boy things. She signed him up for T-ball and soccer. Jamie had no interest in any of that. She would often find him in his room coloring or spinning around imitating her dancing. When she became successful as a dancer, she bought the condo. She loved it. It was near the Arts district and overlooked a small park. It wasn’t Central Park, but it was a place she could take Jamie and let him play outside.

She had converted the third bedroom of the condo into a small dance studio where she could practice the various ballets she performed. As Jamie progressed through his lessons and improved she would find him in the practice room dancing. He would spin and leap and now that she thought about it, imitate her. Although he was only eight, he had become an accomplished dancer. However, to be a male lead in ballet he would need to grow taller and add some muscle. She wasn’t sure that would happen. He had always been near the bottom of the height and weight charts for his age whenever he had his school physicals.

Jamie had been adamant that he was going to be a ballet dancer. Even though she had told him he couldn’t be a ballerina he still wanted to take ballet lessons. She knew that male ballet dancers were not always considered “he men”. However, with the lifts they were required to do they were stronger than most people believed. Elaine was concerned that Jamie with his slight build would not have the strength to be a successful male ballet dancer.

As she sipped her wine and looked out over the city Elaine found herself questioning if what Jamie had said was true or if it was caused by living alone with his mother. She feared that she had somehow caused this situation. She didn’t want her son to suffer because she was a poor mother. She had done everything she could to provide for him, but no matter what, it was still an entirely feminine upbringing.

She had to admit that Jamie put everything into his dancing and for his age was very advanced and very good. But, what was she to do about his desire to be a girl. She had known gay dancers both male and female and a few of the men may even have been transgendered. If you worked in the dance community, you accepted the different lifestyles as normal. But this was her son, not someone else.

The next morning after Jamie went to school Elaine called her mother and arranged to go to her parent’s home for lunch. Elaine was very close to her mother and wanted her counsel.

After lunch the two of them sat in the living room and had a cup of tea. “O.K. Elaine, what has got you so upset? I don’t think I’ve seen you this way since you told me you were pregnant with Jamie. You’re not pregnant again, are you?”

“No Mom, but it is about Jamie, Have you noticed anything strange about Jamie?”

“What do you mean by strange, Elaine?”

“Well, you know I’ve raised him by myself, with Dad’s and your help. Sometimes I wonder if he hasn’t had enough male influence in his life. I’m afraid that this may have resulted in him believing that he wants to be a girl. Well really believing he is a girl but stuck in a boy’s body.”

“I want to understand what you are saying. My grandson wants to be a girl, that in fact he believes he is girl, and you think it is because he hasn’t had enough male influence in his life. Is that right?”

“Yes, something like that.”

“I thought I had raised a reasonably intelligent daughter. One who learned from her friends and knew that a person is born with their sex predetermined. All the bunk about environmental factors determining sexual preference has been discounted. I thought you understood that.”

“I do mom, but this is my son and I’m afraid that it is my fault, that somehow I caused him to be different.”

“Elaine, listen to yourself. First of all it’s not your fault, it’s not Jamie’s fault, it’s not your dad’s or my fault. Its no one’s fault. Also, Jamie isn’t different he is Jamie and he is perfectly fine. He just needs understanding and guidance. If it turns out that he is transgendered then we will deal with it. We will support him, counsel him and do what needs to be done. If on the other hand it is a passing phase, we will work through it with him.”

“But mom, if he is transgendered the other kids will abuse him and his life will be very difficult. I don’t want him to have to go through that.”

“Is it worse for him to experience that or to not be allowed to be the person he is, become depressed and withdrawn, run away or commit suicide? Which is worse?”

“Mom, it’s not that simple.”

“Yes it is dear. First do you love your child?”

“Yes.”

“Do you want your child to be happy?”

“Yes.”

“Will you do everything within your power for your child’s happiness?”

“Yes.”

“Then it is that simple. We do what we have to do for his happiness.”

“O.K. Mom, just what do we do?”

“First we let Jamie know that we love him or her whatever the case may be and will support him no matter what happens. Then we get her the best professional help to determine what is the best course of action. Elaine, you have been the best mother any child could ask to have. You have made time to share your life and love with your son. We all know that he has some very feminine traits. There are times when you look at him with his hair, his pretty face and the way he stands that you can’t help but think - ‘girl’. If his mind says he’s a girl then I think he should be allowed to be a girl, don’t you?”

“Yes, I guess I do. Thanks mom for being here for me. What do you think dad will say?”

“He loves his grandchild, what more is there to say?”

That afternoon when Jamie came home from school, his mother was waiting for him. He looked nervously at his mother. She embraced him and hugged him to her. “Jamie, I’ve thought about what we discussed and I will support you in what you want. But, we need to do it right and make sure this isn’t a passing fancy or something.”

“It isn’t mom, It’s something I’ve known forever.”

“That may be so, but before you can change you have to meet with doctors and psychologists and psychiatrists. Your grandmother and I will be making arrangements for you to have those examinations.”

“You told Grandma, how could you, it was supposed to be a secret. I’ll be so embarrassed.”

“Jamie, you want to change from a boy to a girl and you don’t think your Grandma and Grandpa won’t notice something.”

“Well, I guess I knew that, but I just didn’t think they would learn about it right away. I’m just worried what they will think.”

“They think that you are a very special child whom they dearly love. Is there anything else that matters?”

“No, I guess not.”

So, over the next several months Jamie was seen by a team of doctors and was diagnosed as suffering from Gender Dysphoria. Being only eight years old they wanted to hold off treatment until Jamie was eleven or twelve. This didn’t go over well with Jamie. She wanted the change to be complete, now. The doctors did agree that she could start living as a girl full time when she turned ten. She did dress as a girl at home and would go out with her mom and grandparents when she was dressed as a girl. However, she continued to attend school and dance lessons as a boy.

It was thought that when she started dressing that Jamie should change schools and develop new friends as a girl. The problem was that the dance community in the City knew her as a boy.

***

Elaine at the age of thirty-four realized that it was becoming harder to stay in shape and maintain her figure. She knew she could continue dancing for another year or so, but at thirty-four she was close to being considered to be over-the-hill. She was respected within the dance community and was sought after as an instructor. She decided that it was time to retire from dancing and start working for a dance troupe as a director, teacher and dance arranger. In light of Jamie’s situation she explored possibilities outside New York City. She found that the best offer came from the Joffrey Ballet in Chicago.

She discussed the possible move with her parents and they agreed that it would be best for her and Jamie to make the move. It was a wonderful opportunity for her and would provide a new start for Jamie. As her dad had recently retired there was even talk of her parents moving to Chicago to be near Jamie and Elaine.

So it was decided. Elaine accepted the position with the Joffrey Ballet. She sold the condo in New York and bought one in Chicago. It was on the near North. It wasn’t right on the lake but it overlooked Lincoln Park and you could see the lake from the Living Room and Dining Room. It was larger than their old one. It had four bedrooms and a study/den. The living room and dining room rn were of an open design and the view was magnificent. Elaine’s and Jamie’s rooms had their own bathrooms and overlooked the park. Elaine used one of the other bedrooms as a guest room and the last bedroom was the practice room. It was a wonderful location and they both loved the condo.

Elaine located a small academy nearby which focused on the arts. It was a small school with an excellent reputation. It was affiliated with one of the best ballet schools in Chicago and offered classes from elementary through high school. Many of its students went on to either the Chicago Art Institute, Juilliard or other nationally recognized schools. Elaine was very impressed. Jamie auditioned and was accepted into the school.

With the help of the doctors Jamie was registered as a girl. Her birth certificate hadn’t been changed but would be when she had undergone the necessary surgeries and that wouldn’t be done until she was seventeen or eighteen. She would probably start on hormones when she was twelve or thirteen. The doctors felt that by starting treatment at that time any issue with masculine traits could be avoided.

When they moved to Chicago all of Jamie’s boys clothes were sent to Good Will and she traveled to Chicago as the girl she now was - or would eventually become. Jamie could not remember ever being so happy.

They moved as soon as school was out in late May. Elaine had arranged it so that she did not start at the Joffrey until after the 4th of July so she and Jamie spent the month of June exploring and getting acquainted with Chicago. Her parents came into Chicago for the 4th of July weekend and experienced the Taste of Chicago with Elaine and Jamie. It was a wonderful time strolling through Grant Park, trying foods from different vendors and listening to the musicians who seemed to be everywhere. The fireworks for the 4th of July celebration were accompanied by the Chicago Orchestra and it was a wonderful conclusion to great day.

Jamie loved Chicago, but most of all she loved being a girl. Whether she wore shorts or dresses, she didn’t care. She was allowed to be the girl she was and she was very, very happy. Elaine noted the difference in her daughter and found her happiness contagious. Elaine had found a neighbor girl who would watch Jamie while she worked. Normally her parents did this but they were back in New York. The neighbor girl, Katherine, or as she preferred to be called, Katy, was fifteen and was happy to have a summer job.

During the day she and Jamie would hang out at the pool in the condo, go to Lincoln Park or the Lincoln Park Zoo inside of the Park. Some days they even walked over to Lake Michigan and played on the beach. For Jamie it was like having an older sister.

Katy enjoyed it because it gave her something to do and Jamie was a neat kid. Katy’s dad worked downtown so he was gone all day. Her mom had died of cancer when Katy was ten. She still missed her mom but she had worked through a lot of her issues with her counselor. On nights when her dad had to work late she would often stay at Elaine’s and have dinner with Elaine and Jamie. She found herself spending more and more time there as the summer went on. She saw the close relationship between Elaine and Jamie and found herself being drawn to the two caring people who openly shared their affections and included her in those feelings. She had missed that type of closeness since the death of her mother. At the time she didn’t realize it but Elaine slowly became a mother figure to her.

Jamie continued with her counseling and dance. She had lessons three times a week during the summer and usually practiced for two hours each day. She had quickly been accepted at her new dance school and was considered one of the most advanced for her age. She learned in late July that the school would put on a recital in the spring. The reason they didn’t do one in the winter was that usually many of the students participated in the various professional performances in the fall. These performances included Cinderella and the Nutcracker. When Jamie learned that two of the students at the school had danced the role of Clara in earlier productions of the Nutcracker she was beside herself. She had four different DVD’s of productions of the Nutcracker. She had danced to them in her practice room and so wanted to be Clara.

Unknown to her mother Jamie signed up with her school to audition for the part of Clara. Usually they wouldn’t let a ten-year-old audition but Jamie was very advanced for her age. Iort probably didn’t hurt that her mother was Elaine Evans the renown ballerina. Auditions were to be held toward the end of September and the performances would run from the Friday after Thanksgiving through Christmas Eve.

Jamie now focused her efforts on winning the role of Clara. She started practicing three hours a day and worked with her teachers at school on the steps she would need to dance the role of Clara. She never told her mother what she was doing. She did not practice the Nutcracker when her mother was home. She had sworn Katy to secrecy. Katy hoped her young friend wouldn’t be heartbroken if she failed to win the part. She knew that Jamie was putting her heart and soul into this effort, she didn’t want Jamie to be upset if she didn’t get the part of Clara, but knew she would be terribly disappointed. All Katy could do was be there for Jamie if that happened. That’s what you do if you care for someone. It was at that moment that Katy realized that she looked upon Jamie as her little sister. It was a wonderful feeling.

***

August began and Katy and Jamie continued to be inseparable. Katy’s friends even accepted the young interloper on a limited basis into their group. Everyone realized that the malaise that had hung over Katy since her mother died had disappeared. Instead Katy was the fun and outgoing person they remembered. If that meant that a skinny ten year old came along from time to time who cared. Their old friend was back.

Katy’s dad, Kenneth Strand, even noticed the difference in his daughter. One night in mid-August as they ate dinner together, he brought up his observations.

“Katy, you seem to be enjoying yourself this summer. I haven’t seen you this happy in a long time.”

“I know dad, it’s that I have a lot of fun with Jamie and I really enjoy spending time with Elaine, I mean Ms. Evans, Jamie’s mom. She is really pretty and she listens to me and talks with me kind of like mom used to do. Is it wrong for me to do that? Am I betraying mom?”

“No dear, you are very lucky to have someone to confide in and share your thoughts. I know we talk about things but I am really happy that you have a woman with whom you can talk about women things. I know your mom would be happy just like I am that you are lucky enough to have such a relationship. I’m just glad to see you acting like your old self again.”

“When you took the job I thought it might be too much for you and that you might feel tied down taking care of a ten year old girl. But, I think it has been good for you. I hope you haven’t felt like you’ve wasted your summer.”

“Oh no dad, Jamie’s a great kid and I have a lot of fun with her. She even gets along with my friends. She is pretty grown up for a ten year old. She’s also a really good dancer and I like watching her dance. I think she gets her talent from her mom. You know her mom was a famous ballerina before she retired.”

“No, I didn’t know that. What does she do now?”

“She works for the Joffrey Ballet as an instructor or director or something. I’m not sure.”

“Well Honey, all I know is it is nice to see you smiling and enjoying life again.”

They continued to talk about different things and Ken realized that his little girl was growing up and she was becoming a young woman. It seemed that Elaine Evans was having a very positive influence on Katy. Maybe he had better get to know who Elaine Evans was and make sure that Katy wasn’t becoming an imposition.

Later that night he called Elaine. He had talked with her on the phone briefly when she had hired Katy but he had yet to meet her. He didn’t know what to expect, but knew he needed to make sure his daughter was developing the kind of relationship of which he approved.

“Elaine? This is Ken Strand, Katy’s dad. How are you?”

“I’m fine Mr. Strand. I hope there is nothing wrong with Katy.”

“Oh no, she is fine, and please call me Ken. I just wanted to call because I know that Katy is spending a lot of time at your place on a social basis and I wanted to make sure that she wasn’t a burden or that it wasn’t causing you a problem.”

“Ken, let me assure you that she is not a problem. I really enjoy her company and she has been a wonderful influence on Jamie. I was afraid that Jamie might not adjust to the move and would find it difficult in a new city, but Katy has gone out of her way to acclimate Jamie and introduce her to Chicago.”

“When we lived in New York, my parents would watch Jamie while I worked. She had a wonderful relationship with her grandparents, but she didn’t get the opportunity to spend a lot of time with other children. In that regard, Katy has been a godsend. Jamie can’t stop talking about Katy. You know, Katy said this or Katy did that, on and on. It has been wonderful for Jamie to have Katy’s influence, so thank you for sharing your wonderful daughter.”

“Well, I guess it my turn to say thank you. As you know, Katy’s mother died five years ago. It hasn’t been easy for her. I tried my best but I was dealing with my own demons. I had her in counseling and it did seem to help, but there still seemed to be a cloud over her. That cloud has disappeared since she has come into contact with Jamie and you. She seems to almost be a different and happier person. So thank you for helping her and me.”

“Ken, she is a sweet child and I’m not sure that I’ve done anything other the talk with her once in a while. I really enjoy her company and I know that Jamie almost looks upon her as an older sister. She is welcome in our home anytime.”

The two parents talked for a little longer. At the end of the conversation Ken did something that he had not done since he dated his deceased wife. He asked Elaine if she would go out to dinner with him on Saturday night. He said he wanted to talk with her more about Katy and her development as a young lady. Elaine hesitated. She had not dated anyone since Jamie was born. She would from time to time go out with other members of the troupe after a performance, but she had not dated. She wasn’t sure this was or wasn’t a date, but it felt like one. She finally agreed. It was arranged that Katy would watch Jamie while Ken and Elaine went to dinner.

As Saturday approached Elaine became more nervous. She wasn’t sure this was a good idea, but it was just a dinner. Finally it was time for Ken and Katy to arrive. Katy was going to stay at Jamie’s while their parents were out together.

When Jamie opened the door she and Katy hugged and chatted about what they were going to that night. Jamie said hello to Mr. Strand and told him her mother would be out in a minute. She invited Mr. Strand into the Living Room and offered him a seat. He however, remained standing and turned when he saw Elaine enter. He found his breath taken away. He had not known how beautiful Elaine was. He realized that he had seen her in passing but had not spoken with her. After a brief conversation and directions to the two girls to behave themselves, the two of them left.

Katy and Jamie were going to watch movies and order in pizza while their parents were out for dinner.

Elaine and Ken went to a small Italian restaurant a short taxi ride from the condo. They initially talked about the two girls, how close they had become and how Elaine helped Katy with things that Ken could never seem bring himself to discuss with her. Over dinner the conversation changed to personal issues, who they were, where they came from and what they aspired too for the future. As they left to catch a cab home they were both lost in their own thoughts. Each found the other to be an interesting individual and someone they would like to spend more time with in the future.

When they arrived back at Elaine’s they found both Katy and Jamie asleep on the couch. Ken gathered up Katy, thanked Elaine for a wonderful evening and told her he looked forward to seeing her in the future and left. Elaine woke up Jamie and directed her off to bed. As Elaine was preparing for bed her daughter knocked on her door and wanted to know how her date went.

“Young Lady it was not a date. We merely went out together to compare notes on our daughters and determine if we should allow the two of you to continue to socialize together.”

“Mom, I know better than that. What did you think of him, isn’t he hot? Is he a good kisser?”

“Jamie, yes I agree that he is a good-looking man. We didn’t kiss, remember this wasn’t a date.”

“Sure mom. I love you and I’ll see you in the morning”

“I love you too, Sweetheart, now off to bed its way past your bedtime. Goodnight.”

***

Over the next several weeks Elaine and Ken got together a few times. Jamie continued to practice her ballet. She didn’t tell her mom about her plans. Her mom was not involved in the production of the Nutcracker. She was working on another production for the Spring Season. Jamie wanted to try and win this part without any help from her mom.

Labor day was the last weekend before school started. Jamie and her mother spent the day with Ken and Katy. It was almost like being a family. They went to the Shedd Aquarium and then Navy Pier. It was a very enjoyable day for all of them. As they parted that night, it was a bittersweet time for Jamie. She was looking forward to her new school, but would miss being with Katy every day. She was happy to see her mother having fun and relaxing. When she had been a dancer, she was very focused on her dance and raising Jamie. It was good to see her enjoying life.

Jamie found school to be very interesting and she enjoyed making new friends. She continued to work on her dance for the audition. She was also getting nervous about the auditions which would take place in a few weeks.

Finally, the auditions were at hand. They would be holding auditions at her school, three other local schools and at the Joffrey. After all the auditions were completed, they would then cast the various children in the different roles. Katy had reminded Jamie that since she was only ten she probably wouldn’t be selected to dance the part of Clara, but could still be selected for another minor or major part. Jamie understood, but still had her heart set on role of Clara’s.

Jamie performed as well as she could and felt that she had done her best. Her teacher was encouraging but reminded her that there were hundreds if not thousands of dancers auditioning for the ballet. They were told they would know the results by the first week in October. As Jamie walked out of the school, she saw Katy waiting for her.

“What are you doing here?”

“I knew this was your big afternoon and I wanted to be here for you.”

“Thank you, that’s just like you, always thinking of others.”

“Well did you get the part?”

“I won’t know for two weeks. We’re supposed to be told by October 8th.”

“How do you think you did?”

“I think I did pretty well. I felt I danced my best, but everyone keeps reminding me the competition is very tough. I just hope I’m good enough.”

“I’m sure you did fine. I have a really good feeling about this.”

“I hope you’re right. So what are we going to do now?”

“I thought we could go back to my place and just hang out.”

“That sounds good. I’ll call mom when we get there and let her know.”

The two girls walked back to the condo and chilled in Katy’s room. They checked out some web sites and watched some TV. Elaine called and said it was time for Jamie to come home. Katy’s dad had to work late so Katy was invited for supper. Jamie reminded Katy not to say anything to her mom about the audition.

***

On October 7th the casting was complete. The directors of the Joffrey were having their weekly review meeting. As part of the meeting the entire staff would review which dancers had been selected for the Nutcracker and what the practice schedule would be leading up to the performances. Although Elaine was not involved in the auditions she would help with the practices and would work with the lead dancers. The director of the Nutcracker, Grace Thompson, handed out a multi page listing of the dancers and their parts. Grace then started going over the practice schedule when all of a sudden there was a gasp from Elaine. The group stopped their discussion and looked at Elaine who had suddenly gotten quite pale.

“Elaine, is there something wrong?” Asked Grace.

“I’m sorry, I was looking through the list and I recognized the name of one of the dancers. Can you tell me who this Jamie is who is cast to dance the part of Clara?”

“Oh, she’s such a sweet kid and a wonderful dancer. I wasn’t sure about her, but her exuberance and skill won me over. She is only ten years old, but her skill level is well above her age level. She’s a student at the University School. Do you know her?”

“I’m pretty sure I do. She’s my daughter.”

Silence filled the room. There no prohibition for a child of one of the Joffrey’s directors to dance in the Nutcracker, but no one wanted to create the appearance of impropriety. The president of the ballet, Judith Crantz, cleared her throat and then spoke. “Who was present at the auditions?” Grace, another director and two assistants raised their hands. “Do all of you agree on this selection?” They all nodded in agreement. A lengthy discussion took place discussing Jamie and the other three girls who were considered for the part, the pros and cons of each individual and what they would bring to the part were reviewed. In the end, Grace and the other director, Eileen Beecher, remained steadfast in their position that Jamie should dance the part of Clara. Elaine made it clear that she did not want to create any appearance of favoritism for her daughter. Grace and Eileen made it clear that their decision would be the same whether she was Elaine’s daughter or not. Eileen then suggested that it might be good for the company to have the daughter of a world renown ballerina dancing the part of Clara. The decision was made. Jamie would dance the part of Clara.

Elaine went home that night proud of her daughter and stunned that she had won the part as a ten year old. As she hung her coat up in the front closet, she called to her daughter. “Jamie could you come here for a moment?”

Jamie came out of the practice room looking every bit the ten year old girl she was in her leotard and leggings. “Hi mom, did you have a good day at work?”

“Well let’s just say it was interesting and a little stressful. Did you know that all the directors are involved in the final review of the casting for our ballets?”

Jamie blanched and took an involuntary step backwards. “Uh-No I didn’t know that, you never told me that.”

“I didn’t know it myself until this afternoon. We were doing our weekly review meeting and they handed out the casting list for the Nutcracker. Is there something you would like to tell me that maybe you forgot to mention?”

“M-Mom, I - I auditioned for the Nutcracker at school”

“Did you just audition or did you audition for a particular part?”

In a very small voice Jamie said, “I auditioned for the part of Clara. I’ve always wanted to dance that part. I hope you aren’t upset mom.”

“No Honey, I’m not upset, in fact I’m very proud of you. You set a goal and have achieved it. You’ve been chosen to dance the part of Clara.”

Jamie jumped into her mother’s arms and broke into tears of happiness. Soon she pulled away and said she had to go call Katy and ran off to her room. Ten minutes later Jamie came out of her room with a huge smile on her face. “Ken and Katy want us to go out for dinner with them to celebrate.” “Jamie, I’ve already started dinner.” “Well, put it back in the fridge and we’ll eat it tomorrow night.” “Oh all right, I guess you deserve to celebrate. Where are we going for dinner?” “Ken said for us to dress up and it would be a surprise. They’ll pick us up at 7:30.” “Are you nuts that only gives me an hour to get ready?” As Jamie turned to go to her room she yelled over her shoulder “Well you better get going or we’ll leave without you.” Jamie never saw the pillow from the couch that hit her in the back of the head.

An hour later they both looked stunning and Ken said so when he and Katy came to pick them up. They had a wonderful evening and everyone was very supportive of Jamie and her role. That night when they got home Jamie was still walking on air and Elaine knew it would be a long time before Jamie got to sleep that night. Jamie remembered that she hadn’t told her grandparents and went to call them. Elaine reminded her it was after midnight and told her to wait until the next day to call them. As Elaine got ready for bed, she could hear Jamie in the practice room dancing.

***

Practice moved forward and Jamie put everything into her role as Clara. She accepted the various comments and suggestions provided by her instructors at the Joffrey. Her school was very supportive and allowed her whatever time off she needed. As opening night neared Jamie was nervous but everyone assured her she was ready.

Her Grandparents had flown in for Thanksgiving and she had gotten tickets for them, Ken, Katy and her mom for opening night. The performance went flawlessly. Elaine was very proud of her daughter and Jamie glowed with her success. Grace was ecstatic and declared it the best performance she had ever seen.

Then the hard work started. The ballet was performed on Tuesday night, Thursday night, Friday night, Saturday matinee, Saturday night, and Sunday matinee. Jamie would come home on Sunday evening exhausted. She learned that being a ballerina was not all the glamour that she had thought, but a lot of hard work.

The Christmas season in Chicago is a sight to behold. The miracle mile is decorated, the stores are open extended hours and the city is alive with the Christmas spirit. One of the highlights of the season is to attend the Nutcracker. Families, school groups and couples feel that the Christmas season is not complete unless they attend the Nutcracker. The fact that the Joffrey’s Nutcracker was danced by local children only added to the magic of the occasion.

Almost all of the performances were sold out before the season started. This year the Chicago Tribune in its entertainment section did a feature on the production of the Joffrey. Jamie was featured as the lead ballerina Clara. Her famous heritage only added to the story’s mystique. The reviews for the ballet were very complementary and within days the entire season was sold out. After much discussion additional Sunday night performances were added.

Jamie’s grandparents rented a long-term residence apartment for December as they wanted to attend as many of Jamie’s performances as possible. They had missed their daughter and granddaughter and wanted to spend as much time as possible with them. After six months without the frequent contact with Elaine and Jaime they decided to look for permanent housing in Chicago.

Katy was so proud of her young friend that she drove her friends to distraction. However, if the truth be told, all of them had pestered their parents to take them to see their young friend dance.

Jamie was enjoying herself, but her mother could tell that all was not well. “Jamie, what is bothering you? I know you are tired from all of the performances, but you should be ecstatic, not withdrawn. You have wished all your life to dance Clara in the Nutcracker and now you’ve achieved that dream. I’m so proud of you, but what’s wrong Honey?”

“Mom, I am happy. It is something I’ve always dreamed of doing and it is everything I ever dreamed of and more. But, the thing I want the most is to be a girl. I know everyone considers me to be a girl, but I’m not complete. I just want to be a girl.”

“I know Honey, but the doctors have said we can’t start the transition until you are twelve. You will be whole in a few years. Please have some patience.”

“I know all that. But I can’t go on sleep-overs because of my concern of being found out. We have to buy special swim suits and when I dance I have to be very careful. I know I’m a young boy, but I still have to wear a gaff and I’m afraid someone will find out. Can’t I change sooner? We could go to Mexico or Thailand where they don’t care how old I am.”

“Jamie, let’s get through the Holidays and after you are done with the Nutcracker we’ll talk about it, O.K.”

“I guess so, but just remember I don’t want to wait.”

“I’ll remember.”

***

Jamie and the other youngsters continued to impress the attendees and reviewers. It was one of the best received performances in memory. The Christmas Eve performance was the last and of course very much in demand. Again, Katy and Ken joined Elaine and her parents for the last performance. If anyone had looked closely, they would have noted that seating went, Ken, Elaine Katy, Grandma Evans and Grandpa Evans. Elaine and Ken held hands and Elaine was leaning her head on Ken’s shoulder.

Grandma and Grandma had come to think of Katy as another granddaughter and were hoping that Ken and Elaine would make things permanent. Mrs. Evans knew her daughter had been alone for too long and she hoped she could finally find true happiness and have a complete family. She knew that if that were to happen, Ken and Katy would have to be told about Jamie. Elaine and she had discussed this and neither of them knew how to address the situation. Elaine knew that if she and Ken were to have a future the conversation would have to take place sooner rather than later.

While they waited for the ballet to start Grandma asked Katy, “do you know the entire story of the Nutcracker.” Katy replied, “I know what is in the ballet and what Jamie has told me.”

“Well my child there is more to the fable than is included in the ballet. Some versions of the ballet include it, but most don’t. The fable of the Nutcracker says that the Nutcracker is really the son of Herr Drosselmeyer. He was cursed by an evil sorcerer and turned into a nutcracker. By killing the Mouse King the curse can be broken. Herr Drosselmeyer had done everything he could to kill the Mouse King but had failed. As a last resort, Herr Drosselmeyer gave the Nutcracker to Clara. She was his Goddaughter and he knew she would take good care of the Nutcracker. He also hoped that somehow the curse could be overcome. In the fable, unlike in the ballet, when the Mouse King attacks Clara it is not a dream, but rather a struggle of good and evil. When Clara throws her shoe and the Mouse King goes to attack Clara the Nutcracker/Son realizes that her life is worth more than his and is willing to give his life if it means saving Clara. When he then kills the Mouse King the spell is broken and he and Clara rejoice. Herr Drosselmeyer has his son back. Eventually Clara and the son marry and live happily ever after.”

As the house lights went down a silence enveloped the theater and the air was filled with anticipation. Jamie’s performance was again superb. The drama built as the Nutcracker and toy soldiers battled the Mouse King and the mice. Clara threw her slipper at the Mouse King and distracted him so that the Nutcracker could stab the Mouse king. The mice then retreated taking their leader with them. As the mice retreated, the transformed Prince and Clara were to hug and then dance together as the curtain came down on the first act. However, as the Prince stabbed the Mouse King Clara visibly shuddered and seemed to almost faint. The Prince caught her and held her. After she recovered, they danced as the curtain fell. All the audience, except Elaine, thought that the fainting and embrace were part of the ballet.

Before the house lights came up for the intermission, Elaine was out of her seat and out the side entrance. By the time Jamie made it to her dressing room Elaine was already there. As Jamie came into the room she was all smiles. There was a sparkle to her eyes and she was almost ready to jump out of her skin.

“Jamie, what happened out there? Are you O.K.?”

“Mommy, I’m fine. I’m a girl.”

“I know you are a girl, but are you okay, it looked like you almost fainted.”

“Mom, you don’t understand I’m a real girl. When the Mouse King was killed, I felt a tingle go down and through my body from head to toe. As the tingle passed through me I knew that I had changed. Look!!! With that Jamie removed her leotard and tights and stood before her mother naked. No longer was there any need for a gaff because her outie was now and innie. At that point Elaine fainted and Jamie was the one to help her mom back to consciousness. As she came around, Elaine hugged her precious and special daughter to her and cried for her child’s miracle. Jamie quickly changed into her costume for the second act.

For those who were fortunate to see the second act that night they had the opportunity to see one of the most magnificent dances of the Nutcracker of all time. To a person, all came away that night saying the dancing of Clara in the second act was simply magical.

Later that night, or really early Christmas morning, as Jamie and Elaine entered their condo Elaine turned to her daughter and wished her Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday. Jamie simply smiled and hugged her mom and silently thanked Herr Drosselmeyer for her special magical Nutcracker gift.

As the years passed Jamie continued to dance and became as famous a dancer as her mother. She and Katy became sisters when Elaine and Ken married. But that’s a story for another time.

Merry Christmas.

Dru

Notes:

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