Chapter 2

"Andy, Andy, wake up, you're having a bad dream," the young soldier said to his bunk mate.

"Lucian, I'm OK," his bunk mate said.

She couldn't possibly tell him the contents of the dream. She was surrounded by Confederate soldiers who had discovered her true identity. They were about to assault her when her bunk mate woke her up.

He was one of only two people in camp who knew her true identity. To everyone else, she was Sargeant Andrew Meuller of the 20th Ohio regiment, a soldier promoted through the ranks because of his bravery at Antietam Creek, Fredericksburg, Chancellorsville and just a few weeks before at Gettysburg.

Gangly and boyish, her superiors and fellow soldiers thought. But her bravery exceeded any man in the entire division, maybe even the corps. The same people who thought the "skinny farm boy" from Ohio wouldn't last a week now gladly followed "him" during the heat of battle.

It was a far cry from Anna Mueller, eldest daughter of German immigrants. She took to doing "manly" things from the earliest of childhood. She was the closest thing her father had to a son.

When war broke out, she wanted to do what many young men in her community wanted to do, serve her country. But that wasn't allowed since she was just a girl, just 18 when the war began.

She wasn't the type to take no for an answer. She forged her father's signature on documents, then convinced her best friend, Lucian Roberts, to participate in her ruse.

"You realize, if anybody finds out, we'll both probably be lined up against the wall and shot," her young friend told her.

It did not deter her plans. And as her best friend, he decided to go along with the scheme.

He wasn't really surprised by her determination. She could outwork any farm boy in their community. She could outhunt them and outshoot them, too.

She turned out to be a much better soldier than he was, not that he minded.

He was the perfect partner in the scheme. He wasn't attracted to his friend. He bunked with her in a tent. He made sure the coast was clear when she went to the river to bathe.

She saved him and a number of their comrades on numerous occasions. He owed her his life, and more.

They had a partner in their scheme, a nurse who traveled with the regiment named Corrine Burke. She walked in on "Andy" dressing one morning. She was shocked, but decided to play along. In time, "Andy" won her admiration. Corrine made sure to treat any battlefield wounds "Andy" had in order to keep "his" secret.

"Rumor has it, we're getting another commander," Andy told Lucian after "he" recovered from "his" dream.

"Really, Lincoln wants to get rid of George Meade like he did the rest?" her companion asked.

"He's not pleased we didn't follow up on the Rebels after Gettysburg," Andy told him. "He's keeping Meade as commander of the army. But rumor has it, he's bringing in some hot shot from the West named Grant to put over him."

Her friend rolled his eyes.

"Yet another attempt to find someone to whip Bobby Lee," Lucian said.

*****

Richmond seemed like another world to the Walker family arriving from their former country home along the James River.

Carolyn Walker and her three daughters marvelled at the large boarding house that was now their home.

It was run by Clara Bedell, who didn't fit the description of a person running a Southern boarding house.

"I know I'm not a gray-haired spinster," the young woman said as she led them to the part of the house they would call home.

She was a dark-headed woman in her younger 30s. Like their mother, she was a widow, her husband killed at Sharpsburg, or "as the Yankees call it, Antietam."

She was left with two young girls to raise. She was resourceful and moved into the boarding house that at the time was owned by her ailing aunt, who fit the description of the gray-haired spinster. She died the previous winter, leaving the home to her niece.

She made the boarding house pay like never before. It became home to people like the Walkers. Refugees whose lives had been torn apart by war.

"There is a school run right down the road run by the Methodists," she said. "But a friend of mine, Hannah Belew, runs a school for girls just a few more blocks down the road."

The teacher, Mrs. Bedell told Mrs. Walker, made sure girls received more of an education than "just learning how to catch a man." She also taught manners.

"She does a wonderful job refining women," Mrs. Bedell said. "And if you ask me, your Emma might need some refining, but that's just an observation."

"Oh, she's in an awakward stage right now," Carolyn Walker said.

"She spent a lot of time with our brothers," Rebecca said. "She has had to take their place with the crops and chores."

Emma shrank, wanted to hide in the corner as they talked about "her."

Mrs. Bedell noticed her blushing.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to embarrass you," she said, holding her face in her hands. "She really has amazing blue eyes to go along with her golden hair. And dimples, you are gorgeous. With some work from Hannah, she'd make you the Belle of Richmond, and you'd break the hearts of every young boy wearing gray."

"Oh, would she?" Rebecca said, winking at her "sister," who stuck out her tongue at her.

"Maybe sending BOTH of them to your friend would be a good idea," their mother said.

"She's not just good at refining young Southern women," Ms. Bedell said. "She teaches them mathematics, the sciences, the classics, an education that most don't think women should have. I feel they'll benefit greatly from that."

Ms. Bedell led them to the to rooms they would be occupying. Their mother and younger sister would share one room. Emma and Rebecca would share another.

"You two won't be able to be modest around one another," their mother cautioned them.

"That's OK," Rebecca said. "As far as I'm concerned, Emma really is a girl."

"Yeah, I guess I'll have to be," said Emma, who had not been very talkative since they left their home a few days before.

Just as they were getting through with their tour, they heard a band playing "Bonnie Blue Flag."

"Must be another regiment marching through town," Ms. Bedell said as they stepped out onto the balcony of the boarding house with some of the other boarders.

They watched as the regiment marched down the street. Emma noticed a few boys in the regiment who seemed to be about "her" age.

People lined the streets, cheered, waved flags and twirled parasols.

"It used to be I was among them," Mrs. Bedell whispered to Carolyn Walker. "I don't cheer any more. I pray for their souls and wonder which of those boys won't be coming back."

"I do the same thing," Mrs. Walker said. "I am so tired of this damn war."

Chapter 3

"How much longer do I have to walk with these silly books on my head?" Emma protested.

"Until you learn to walk gracefully like a young lady should," the stern looking woman sitting in the corner with a stick replied.

The other girls in the room tried not to snicker. And Emma wasn't the only pupil being drilled on walking gracefully.

She found a kindred spirit in a spunky girl by the name of Maggie Madison, or Margaret Anne Madison as their teacher, Mrs. Balew preferred her she be called.

"Margaret Anne, it is hard to believe you are a cousin of a president," their teacher said.

Emma tried not to laugh and had a hard time balancing the books on her head when Maggie stuck her tongue out at Mrs. Ballew.

The truth is, Emma liked Mrs. Ballew. Like Mrs. Bedell, Hannah Ballew was not an old spinster. She was, in fact, younger than Mrs. Bedell. Her husband, like many other young men of the town, was off at war as a captain in Jeb Stuart's cavalry. But Hannah Ballew was not the flag-waving Southern patriot type.

While Emma, her sister Rebecca and new friend Maggie found the lessons in grace and manners, they actually found the "school" part of their day actually kind of fun. Mrs. Ballew drilled them in mathematics, discussed with them the latest advances and theories in science.

She also encouraged them to read the classics. She corrected their grammar and tried to get them to talk without "a Southern accent, but rather a British one," which the girls thought was funny.

But Emma's favorite part of class was listening to Mrs. Ballew talk about about the many things woman could accomplish. They could be doctors or scientists if they wanted to. They could also be philosophers, authors.

"If there is one good thing about this war, it has shown jusy how valuable women truly are in this world," she told her charges.

She led them on a tour of the largest military hospital in Richmond. It was staffed entirely by women. They served soldiers both North and South.

The girls in her school helped out wrapping bandages.

"You two would make good combat nurses," one of the women nurses told Emma and Maggie.

Emma admired Mrs. Ballew because she tried to expand the world of girls beyond the boarding houses and stately homes in Richmond.

"You want to know why I push you so much, Emma?" Mrs. Ballew told her. "I see so much potential in you, and in Maggie, too. You are beautiful young girls, intelligent, too. But both severely lacking in the graces."

She also found friend Maggie, who lived near the boarding house, as one who expended their world, too. She walked home with Emma and Rebecca, and often took them on a side adventure, or two. As a relative of the late James Madison, she was often allowed to go to places where girls her age weren't allowed to go.

One such place was the slave market, a place Emma would never forget as long as she lived.

The place had a stench that people could not believe. She saw human beings treated like cattle or horses. She saw defiant ones whipped, and families torn apart. They hid in a small corner where no one could see them.

"The most horrible people come here," Maggie said. "My mother said there will be no more slaves if the Yankees win. Well, I hope the Yankees win."

Maggie wasn't all about showing them the dark side of Southern society. They played games on the porch of the boarding house or the stately manner where Maggie lived. They made fun of people who walked down the street, tried to guess their conversations and stations in life.

*****

"I swear I think I'm going to die of boredom, Andy," Lucian said as they leaned against a tree. Life in an army camp was not all glory and glamor as recruiters and the posters proclaimed at the start of the war.

"I'd rather die of boredom than die on the battlefield," Andy said as he lit his pipe. "Quite frankly, I'm glad we haven't been involved in a major action since Gettysburg.

"You know, you've become a gloomy person," Lucian replied. "Whatever happened to that optimistic, 'I can conquer the world' girl that I knew back in Ohio?"

"The war happened," Andy said. "I've seen too many men die. I've seen too many horrors, and limbless men, I guess. And too many glory seekers."

Lucian had also seen Andy almost evolve into a completely different person. He, or she, had always been a bit boyish and pursued many manly adventures.

Things like smoking a pipe, or playing cards with fellow soldiers in camp, or gambling or being the warrior in battle, he was finding it harder to imagine that Andy was anything but the young, war hardened man he, or she, was becoming.

"What are you thinking about?" Andy said.

"Well, Andy, I'll come out plain with it," Lucian said. "It seems like you're becoming more of a man each day. You almost seem to enjoy it."

Andy took another puff of the pipe, and laughed.

"Lucian, my boy, I am a man," Andy said matter of factly. "Don't you ever forget it."

Andy told Corinne of the conversation a few days later.

"He is right," Corinne said. "I thought that when you joined in with the other boys in paying attention to those pretty young nurses who came to camp the other day."

Andy laughed as helped Corinne hang up clothes that she washed for the men in camp.

"You better watch it, Corinne," Andy said. "I may want to take advantage of you."

They both broke out into laughter. The truth is, Corinne was a very attractive woman who already had to fight off several proposals from young soldiers in the outfit.

*****

Emma and Rebecca found the boarding house to be a fascinating place.

There were a couple of young families like theirs, with mothers who brought their children to the city as a way to survive.

There was the doctor who came from North Carolina who found his work entirely consumed with caring for wounded men. There was an aging scientist who had no other place to go.

And then there was the "swashbuckling" riverboat gambler turned smuggler who used the spare room when he wasn't out trying to break the Yankee blockade. He had a thing for their mother. He proposed to her twice, but she turned him down.

She tried to keep it a secret from her "girls," but the truth is she had feelings for the man.

And Rebecca and Emma warmed to the idea of the man who seemed to bring a little adventure to thier mother's life.

The best part about life at the boarding house was the growing bond between the "sisters."

They shared clothes and helped each other get dressed. They did each other's hair. Rebecca was amazed by how well Emma caught on.

The awkward moment of sharing a bubble bath to save the heat from escaping the water was no longer as awkward. In her mind, Emma was as much a girl as she was. Emma confessed she now thought of herself as one.

The most enjoyable time was their talk at candle light as they lied in their beds before going off to sleep.

They talked about the day's events. They talked about dreams.

"Do you ever wonder what will happen when you stop having to be a girl?" Rebecca said one night before they drifted off to sleep.

"There are times," Emma said with a yawn. "Sometimes I imagine myself marching off in a regiment like the ones we see marching down the street. And there are times when I see myself as an old, gray spinster teaching girls how to act like the Southern ladies they are supposed to be."

Virginia in Bloom, Chapter 4

Emma stared at the doll on the shelf at the store.

Her sisters had plenty of dolls growing up on the farm, but none never as nice as the one she fancied on the shelf.

As Emmitt, she made fun of her sisters, although privately she...or he...had wished to join in on the play. But she knew her brothers would make fun of her if she did.

She also remembered the words of her father: "Carolyn, sometimes I think you want to raise that boy as a girl."

Her mother was overly protective of what was then her youngest son, and for good reason. Talk of war began long before Virginia seceded. Emma could remember her brothers pretending to drill for the militia when the abolitionist John Brown was captured by the Virginia militia at Harper's Ferry a couple of years before the war.

She heard her mother tell her father she intentionally delayed Emmitt's breeching for that very reason and allowed him to wear long curls like his sister. She also remembered that as Emmitt, she didn't protest too much.

Maybe that was the reason she embraced her new identity. In a way, Emma felt like a spy. In their days in Richmond, she found the world of girls...and women in general...quite fascinating. She found the words of Mrs. Ballew to be quite true when it came to women and wartime.

"It is almost easier to be a man," Mrs. Ballew said. "They are the ones who receive all of the glory. Their role is more defined. They are the ones who fight the battles. Of course it is also harder, too, since many of them die horrible deaths."

Emma was ever so mindful of her difficult position. The only men who didn't fight were either too youg, too old, had some type of ailment. Or was a politician. Anyone who didn't fight was generally considered a coward, even if that wasn't true and they played a significant role in society inspite of it.

Emma worried what would happened if people found out she wasn't a girl, even at the age of 13. The age of men drafted to fight in the Army of Northern Virgina crept ever downward, and upward. Boys of 14 were filling the depleted ranks, as were men well into their 60s and 70s.

Emma was also aware of a few 13-year-olds now in the ranks.

"It does bother me sometimes," Emma confided to Rebecca.

But Emma was also fascinated with her new role. Women were carrying an amazing burden with the men off at war that really seemed ignored. They shouldered many of the reponsibilities with their families that fathers once took care of.

Her own mother found herself working tirelessly as a seamstress working part time in a factory making uniforms for those unfortunate boys at the front. Women, even girls Emma's age, were training to be nurses and found themselves on battlefields carrying for boys wearing both gray and blue. Women were taking over roles as store clerks, bankers, mill workers to keep what was left of the Confederate economy. Those in the country worked farms, doing what was once considered "men's work."

Emma admired them. She did her best to imitate the proud women of Richmond in their mannerisms and movements, so much to the point she drew praise from Mrs. Ballew that she was ever becoming "a very graceful Southern lady."

It impressed Mrs. Bedell, and even her mother.

"If I didn't know better, I'd swear you'd been my daughter since birth," her mother told Emma one night.

Part of her struggle straddling two gender worlds was the fact that she straddled the world between being a child and an adult, the line of which was becoming more blurred each passing day of the war.

That was one reason the doll in the store captured her attention. She admitted to Rebecca that she found being a girl somewhat of a refuge, her safe place from the world falling apart around her.

"It's quite expensive," Emma told Maggie.

"Especially with the war going on," a woman behind the counter said.

"Well, Emma, if you're nice and do well in your studies, maybe someone will buy you that doll," Mrs. Ballew said as she put her arm around Emma and Maggie.

*****

"Well nurse, how is our patient?" Lucian asked Corinne as she entered the nurse's tent.

"Andy will live," the nurse replied.

Lucian looked down at his friend. He was quite relieved.

"You didn't think you were going to get rid of me that easily, did you Roberts?" Andy groaned and then asked his friend for some water.

"We've been quite worried about you, sir," Lucian joked with his friend, who outranked him. "Don't know what we'd do without you leading us on the front lines against Bobby Lee."

Truth is, he had been deeply worried about his friend. For every soldier dying in battle, nearly three died in camp because of illnesses floating around in such cramp. And Andy had been down a fever for nearly two weeks in the cold, muddy damp camp.

Corrine made sure Andy stayed confined to her tent, lest anyone learn "his secret."

Lucian did his best to cheer his friend up through the last portion of the sickness.

He read from every newspapers he could get his hand on and read a story from the Washington paper about the possible change of command.

"George Meade remains commander of the Army of the Potomac, but rumors still persist Mr. Lincoln will put Grant in charge, especially after his big victory at Chattanooga," Lucian read.

Andy's favorite time was hearing Lucian read letters from home. He was especially amused by the rumors surrounding "Anna Mueller."

Andy laughed when Lucian mentioned the latest rumor that Anna had run off with some farmer and moved west.

"The one part I hate about this is that I can't write to my family," Andy told Lucian.

"So, Andy, when do you think we'll do battle against Bobby Lee again?" Lucian asked.

"Since when are you anxious to get back into the fight?" Andy replied while fighting off a cough.

*****

The boarding house didn't look like a refugee home at wartime when Christmas came around. Mrs. Bedell decorated the house with holly, greenery, ribbons, candles and had a large Christmas tree in the grand living room. She prepared a big feast for her boarders, who exchanged gifts with whatever living they were able to make.

Emma and Rebecca bought their mother and sister books with money they'd earned doing odd jobs. Their mother made them dresses, which they proudly wore on Christmas day.

Their mother's "admirer" brought her a new dress that he smuggled in front Europe against the Yankee blockade.

"I'm hoping this will be the last Christmas we're at war," their mother told Mrs. Bedell.

"I'm not as hopeful," Mrs. Bedell confessed. "This war seems to rage on and on."

Mrs. Ballew stopped by with gifts for her students. She gave Emma a gift wrapped in red and gold.

Emma's eyes lit up when she opened it and saw the doll she admired at store inside.

"She is so beautiful, thanks Mrs. Ballew!" she said as she gave her teacher a hug.

"You are quite welcome dear child," Mrs. Ballew said. "You have done a wonderful job in my class."

Mrs. Ballew stayed for a while as party guests sang Christmas carols while Mrs. Bedell played piano. The party concluded with Silent Night.

"Mrs. Walker, can I talk with you for a minute?" Mrs. Ballew asked Emma's mother before she left.

"Yes, sure, let's go into the kitchen," Emma's mother said.

Mrs. Ballew said she had been approached by the head nurse at the hospital in Richmond about some of her girls helping out as battlefield nurses.

"Emma, Rebecca and Maggie have taken part in some of the training and care when we've made trips to the hospital," Mrs. Ballew said. "They were the three I recommended."

Emma's mother was reluctant to give her approval, but said she would talk to "her girls."

Author's Note: Sorry it's been a while between chapters. This tale takes place during the American Civil War at a time when things have begun to go badly for the South, which started drafting boys as young as 13 to fight in the war effort. ~Torey.

Chapter 5

Arrogant, cocky.

That's how Emma described the two young Confederate officers who were staying for a few days at Ms. Bedell's boarding house to Maggie.

"You'd think those two could whip the entire Yankee army," Emma confided in Maggie.

The two officers pursued both Rebecca and Emma, much to Rebecca's amusement.

"I really find that fascinating," Rebecca giggled.

"It makes me nauseus," Emma said, knowing that her secret could fully endanger the family. If Emma were suddenly revealed to be Emmitt, the whole family might be out on the streets.

And Emmitt, as scrawny as the boy turned Southern girl really was, could find himself in the infantry not even 14, which would be his mother's worst nighmare, especially considering the butchering of infantry men during Pickett's charge at Gettsyburg.

"Why really, Wyatt, Momma refuses to let me marry so young," Emma said, trying to play as hard to get as possibly could be.

It actually had the opposite effect on the suitor from Georgia, who told Beau, his companion and suitor of Rebecca, that it made him want to pursue.

Emma was just thankful days at Mrs. Ballew's school, although she grew a little uncomfortable when Ms. Ballew suggested again that she, Rebecca, Maggie and a few others join the nursing corps, that spring fighting season would soon be approaching.

Oh, the soldiers fought at other times. Emma remembered as Emmitt of tales of the Battle of Fredericksburg near Christmas time a couple of years earlier. But the two massive armies near Richmond that had been slugging it out year after year seemed to do their fiercest fighting in the spring and summer.

And 1864 looked to be no different than in previous years.

"Ol' Wyatt can't wait to whup their new commander, Genr'l Grant," Emma said while rolling her eyes about her newest suitor.

"Pappa says he might be the best commander they've had," said Maggie, acting like she knew something about the war.

Emma picked up a rock and skipped it across a pond next to the school.

"I hope it means Wyatt and Beau will be leaving soon," Emma said. "Oh, I don't wish them any harm, mind you. I'm just tired of having them hanging around the boarding house."

"Why Emma, don't you like them courting you and Rebecca?" Maggie asked, trying not to laugh too hard.

"Emma Walker, don't you be skipping rocks across that pond," Ms. Ballew said. "You'll scare the ducks. And it's too un-lady-like."

*****

Andy admitted to Lucien he wasn't too impressed he first saw General Grant for the first time. The new Union commander wasn't as dashing as members of Lee's high command were described to be.

Lucian kidded Andy that it was the first time Andy showed the female-side to which his buddy had been born.

"Nah, I don't wish him to be hansome," Andy laughed. "Just be successful in battle. Hooker, Burnside, McClellan, even Meade, I've gotten tired of the whole lot of them. I just want a commander who gets results."

"From what I understand, I'll be busy," said Corinne, the nurse who had kept Andy's secret ever the two met.

Andy told Lucian he had heard from their new company commander, Capt. Phillips, that they would be marching in a few days.

"Overheard a conversation at General Meade's headquarters," Andy said. "Grant told him we were going to fight General Lee and not let up."

Those weren't words Lucien had been hoping to hear. He told Andy he would rather head back to the Midwest and find some nice peaceful farm.

"But I'm no coward," he said. "Whichever direction they tell me to go and fight, I'll go and fight."

It bothered Corinne to hear her soldier friends talk about battle. As a battlefield nurse, she and the doctors she traveled with had followed the Army of the Potomac from Sharpsburg, Fredericksburg to nearby Chancellorsville and Gettysburg.

And now she heard the army was moving back toward Chancerllorsville and Fredericksburg, and a thick forest called the "Wilderness" by the locals.

"You could probably build a horror cabin with the limbs I cut off the last time we were in this part of Virginia," Corinne said.

"At least they no longer have Ol' Stonewall Jackson to spook our commanders like they did the last time we were at Chancellorsville," Andy said.

"From what I understand, your new commander doesn't spook for anything," Corinne said. "And that's what scares me."

*****

Rebecca and Maggie were a little surprised by Emma's behavior. She put on her best dress, and put a bow in her head, just like her older sister. She went outside and picked a bouquet of flowers.

"Don't get me wrong, I still do not have feelings for Wyatt," Emma told her friend and sister. "But he and Beau are leaving today to return to the battlefield. I do feel it's our duty to give them a good send off."

There was a party at the boarding house. Fiddle players were there. There was dancing in the yard. A big feast had been prepared. It seemed like a happy celebration, one that reminded Emma's mother of the ones they had for their father and brothers before they went off to war.

"That was before anyone knew the horrors and the death to come," their mother told Mrs. Ballew. "But we must play along and do our parts for these two young men."

Much to Rebecca's and Maggie's surprise, Emma danced most of the entire day with Wyatt. Rebecca did the same with Beau.

"I will cherish this day forever," Wyatt told Emma.

"Just don't go out and get yourself killed," Emma said.

Emma pulled the ribbon from her hair and gave it to Wyatt to help him remember the day. Rebecca did the same for Beau.

To their surprise, the two soldiers both stole kisses before mounting their horses to leave.

"Oh hush," Emma told Rebecca. "He's far away from family. Who knows if they'll return."

Rebecca hugged her sister.

"You may be really be a boy," she whispered. "But deep down, you have a heart as tender as a woman's."

The night ended with Mrs. Ballew talking their mother into letting them travel as nurses.

"I don't know if they are ready for that kind of horror," their mother said. "But each family must do its part."

"We will do our best to keep them safe," Mrs. Ballew said.

Author's note: This story takes place during the last half of the American Civil War. The war has already turned against the South. The casualty rates have devestated families in many Southern communities. A draft has been instituted. Unless a family held a large number of slaves, every male able to hold a rifle was suddenly called to fight for the Southern cause. As the war drug on, boys as young as 13 and men as old as 65 were expected to fill the already depleted ranks of the Army of Northern Virginia.

Chapter 6

"Emma, Emma, what's wrong?" Rebecca said as she shook her "sister" to wake her from her sleep.

Emma's heart was pounding. She hoped her screams didn't wake the entire camp.

Just the occupents in the tent, which included Maggie in addition to Rebecca.

Because of Maggie's presence, Emma couldn't confide in her sister. She could only tell her she had a bad dream.

In the dream, Emmitt was in a trench surrounded by bloodied soldiers, He was wearing a Confederate uniform. Union soldiers had them completely surrounded with bayonettes.

Emma had tried to push aside feelings of being Emmitt. And their tents assigned to the 17th Virginia regiment were the closest Emma had come to a battlefield. But the tales told by a soldier the night before as they set up camp had created an impression.

There were other horrors, too, that Emma was prepared for as Emma. Tending to wounded soldiers. Seeing limbs put in the trash. Those were the things the older nurses tried to prepare them for, not to mention the dying.

Since they were nurses in training, they would be spared actual surgeries. But they would be sewing stitches, dressing bandages
and other duties before and after surgery.

They did not know when they would be called into duty. Rumors had it the Yankees were close, that fighting could begin any day.

Emma, Rebecca and Maggie had originally thought of helping out near the battlefield as an adventure. But the humidity and the heat made them long for cooler days at the boarding house and school. Life in the tent was that much better.

"On the farm, I was used to the bugs," Emma told Maggie. "But not in my bunk."

*****

"It's madness, Lucien, total madness," Andy said as they marched toward the woods. "I've had a sinking feeling we're not going to catch Bobby Lee by surprise when we finish marching through that horrible mess."

"Oh come on, Andy my boy, since when did you get skittish about going into battle?" Lucien asked.

"When we can't see 20 feet in front of us," Andy replied as they tried to follow the narrow dusty path that was the only seperation from the vegetation.

If their commander was right, they would be doing like Stonewall Jackson's soldiers did to them only a year before in nearly the same thickets at Chancellorsville. Andy was playing cards with comrades when deer came running out of the thicket ahead of Jackson's troops.

Andy was one of only a few that day to realize Confederate troops were behind the running animals and quickly grabbed a gun.

"You suspect something, don't you?" Lucien asked nervously.

"I don't know why, but I feel as if we're marching into an ambush," Andy replied.

"I was afraid to ask," Lucien said. He learned to trust his gender-challenging buddy's instincts. He wondered if there really a such a thing as woman's intuition, and despite Andy's attempt to be a real man, he wondered if his friend actually had that.

They were marching in the middle of the line when Andy shouted "hit the dirt!" Troopers around them fell to the ground. But it was too late for their comrades who were marching ahead. They were mowed down as a line of Confederates opened fire from behind trees and bushes ahead of them.

From the moment Andy shouted until the Confederates opened fire might have been only five seconds.

"How the hell did you know?" Lucien asked as the two returned fire from the ground, using dead comrades for cover.

"I heard a twig crack and then I saw a patch of gray," Andy replied. "You've always got to stay alert."

Suddenly they heard a noise they've heard all to often on the battlefield: Blood curtling Rebel yells.

"Dammit, they're flanking us," Andy said as Confederate soldiers emerged from their right.

"Retreat!" they heard their company commander shout, and they took off to their left, only to have another group of Confederates open fire. The lieutenant who immediatly outranked Andy was among the soldiers who fell.

Andy and the company commander tried to rally their troops and they began to run down the path in the opposite direction they were marching in just a few minutes before. They finally found shelter around an abandoned cabin and were able to organize defensive positions.

"We should be safe here for the night," the company commander told Andy.

Lucien was among the soldiers given the task of accounting for how many were lost.

"We lost at least half of our company," he told Andy. "Another day like today, and their might not be any of us left."

*****

Although they were safely away from the battlefield, they were not safely away from the sounds of the terror. Emma could hear the gun shots, the cannon fire, the yells of the soldiers.

That was the day the boredom ended. They helped pull soldiers from wagons and carried them into the farm house that had become a field hospital.

Emma admitted throwing up five times to Rebecca.

"You're better than us," Rebecca said. "I think I've done it about 10. So has Maggie."

Emma fought nausea as she cleaned the wound of one soldier. The stench was just too hard to bear. She did her best to keep flies off bloodied arms and legs before surgery.

"Nice job, but I think it will probably have to come off," a doctor said of her work on one soldier's leg. Emma cringed
and tried not to let soldiers see hear tear up. She found out that day there was no distinction between blue or gray in a
combat hospital. Of course, sometimes the soldiers were so bloodied, you couldn't tell what side they were on.

Emma acquired a new job on the very first day, one that she came to dread. She was the whiskey runner, which usually meant one of two things: It was either used for a soldier who was about to have a limb amputated, or was one who was in immense paid but only had a few hours to live. It brought them comfort."

Emma, Rebecca, Maggie and Mrs. Ballew all cried at the end of the first day of fighting. Emma tried to focus on the beautiful orange sunset, but it was hard. They could see smoke rising from several places in the forest. And they continued to hear men yell for their lives.

"I know it was hard for you ladies today," one of the doctors told them. "But you did a good job today. And we'll likely need you tomorrow."

*****

Helpless.

That's how Andy felt during the first night following the battle that became known as "The Wilderness."

Huddled around an abandoned cabin they could see a haunting sight. The graves from the previous year's fighting were so shallow, that many of the bodies had become exposed. They didn't notice them during the day, they were too busy fighting for their lives.

But the moonlight exposed the white skulls of those who fought and died the year before at Chancellorsville. It was a macabre sight.

"It is almost as if they are looking at us," Andy told Lucien.

Too make matters worse. They could see the flames in the distance. They could hear soldiers yell as they were being burned alive.

There was nothing either side could do. The forest was too thick to move through at night. There were too many fires.

There were also snipers on both sides who tried to pick off as many of the enemy as they could.

"You know what, Lucien?" Andy said as he whittled to try to keep his mind off the tragedy that was unfolding. "When this is all over, I'm going to find a nice quiet farm and live the rest of my days in peace."

*****

Rebecca looked at Emma and how Emma's face seemed to have a glow from the lamp in the tent.

"It is really amazing," Rebecca wrote in a letter to their mother. "We were worried so much that Emma will hit that growth spurt where she must choose to be Emmitt again. But I see no signs of that happening. She is the most beautiful among us. I heard a soldier say yesterday her beauty kept his mind off the horrors of war."

Emma thought of something else. She brought a young, dying soldier a cup of cold water for some comfort in his last few moments left on earth.

She almost dropped a cup when the soldier told her he was only 15. His voice hadn't even really changed. It hit Emma hard, since she was just a few months shy of 14.

Emma began to contemplate whether there was any honor in what she was doing. The thought of putting away Emma the dresses and putting on Emmitt and the Confederate gray weighed heavily on her mind.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w6p8WE6ZemY

Author's note: This story takes place during the last half of the American Civil War. The war has already turned against the South. The casualty rates have devestated families in many Southern communities. A draft has been instituted. Unless a family held a large number of slaves, every male able to hold a rifle was suddenly called to fight for the Southern cause. As the war drug on, boys as young as 13 and men as old as 65 were expected to fill the already depleted ranks of the Army of Northern Virginia.

Chapter 7

Keeping up being Emma was no easy job away from the boarding house.

It meant getting up before dawn to bathe in a creek, with Rebecca keeping watch.

She dared not reveal her true identity to anyone else, not even her close friend Maggie.

She actually appreciated getting up before anyone else. It allowed her to reflect, to think. And her inner-struggle wasn't limited to returning back to Emmitt and joining the ranks of the soldiers in the war.

There was an equal desire to stay Emma.

It was a scenario Emma never would have thought of as Emmitt when the "charade" to keep a boy too young out of war began. Those first few weeks, it was an acting job of Emmitt pretending to be Emma, a strong-willed Southern girl.

But somewhere along the way, a line was crossed where Emmitt became Emma, where it was returning to being Emmitt that seemed more like pretend.

Emma embraced being female. And just as Emma was worried that Emmitt sitting out the war might be dishonorable, she dreaded the day when her body began to change that would point that inevitable path back to Emmitt. It was a path she was no longer sure she wanted to go back down.

And fortunately for her, there were no signs of that happening just yet. It was as if Mother Nature seemed content to go along.

She embraced being a girl, being feminine, being a lady.

Her sister saw that side, too.

Once in camp, Emma commented she wished she had the same type breasts that a very attractive nurse had.

Rebecca looked around to see if Maggie or anyone else was around when Emma said it. There wasn't.

She knew the comment wasn't pretend.

Or the day when a young, dashing soldier from Louisiana stopped and picked flowers for Emma. Emmitt pretending to be Emma would have been uncomfortable.

But Emma, the one who seemed to be emerging, not only cherished the gift, but gave the soldier a kiss on the cheek.

Another time, she was serenaded by the regimental singers, blushing and smiling, but soaking it all in, flirting with "the handsome men" in the group

The tenderness also showed with how she treated patients. She kissed them on the forehead. She embraced them when they needed embracing. She read to them, kissed their hands and whispered kind words to them.

"She is as natural a nurse as I've ever seen," Mrs. Ballew told Rebecca. "She has a quality to her that very few possess."

But yet, she fought breaking. Especially when she knew each morning would give way to a full day's fighting, and a full day's work. More wounded, more dying. It was hard for a 13-year-old to take.

And this particular morning of sitting and watching the birds and admiring the flowers was soon interrupted as it always was each morning ... with the roar of cannon fire.

*****

There was one advantage to the constant fighting, and it was constant.

The more fighting, the more dying, the more breveted promotions.

The 20th Ohio's new Company B commander, Ralph O'Malley, entered Andy's tent and informed Andy that he'd been breveted to second lieutenant. Lucien was promoted to sargeant. They took the places of poor lads who died in the previous day's fighting.

"Congratulations Andy," Lucien said. "You're an officer."

Andy didn't feel like celebrating, knowing full well that bravery alone didn't earn the promotion, but the death of a comrade also played a role.

And there would be more deaths to come on this day, the seventh straight of battle since General Grant started his Overland Campaign against Lee.

Under previous commanders, the Army of the Potomac generally rested, or retreated after major battles. Sometimes they didn't clash with the Rebs for weeks, or even months. That was not the case with Grant.

The Union army suffered heavy casualties at the Wilderness. But the army then moved on and engaged the enemy again at Spotsylvania. Andy lost track of what part of Virginia the army was at this point.

"I swear Grant wants us all to get killed," Andy confided to Lucien.

"Why not?" Lucien said. "He'll just replace us with fresh troops."

"Maybe that's his point," Andy said. "The Rebs are dying like we are. And they can't replace their troops like we can."

Death seemed almost a certainty to the point where soldiers in Andy's company sewed their names on their uniforms. That way, if they died, their bodies could be identified and loved ones back home would know their fates.

Andy stitched "A. Mueller" on his uniform.

"If something happens, maybe someone will know what really happened to dear Ol' Anna," Andy said.

Soldiers got rid of their acquired vices as well, playing cards, pipes, alcohol. They didn't want their loved ones to know they picked up those vices after joining the army.

That was one thing Andy found amusing.

*****

Emma wept on the steps of the hospital that had once been a Baptist church.

The young soldier from Louisiana who gave her flowers had moments before been on top of a table in front of her eyes. He was gut-shot. There was nothing she could do but try to comfort him, then watch him die.

She had to run outside. She needed some air.

"I think there are times when it might be better if we didn't know them," Mrs. Ballew said after putting her arm around Emma. "Rebecca told me he gave you flowers."

Emma shook her head.

"Why him?" Emma asked. "Why Papa?, why my brothers?"

"I'm afraid that's for the Lord to answer," Mrs. Ballew said. "I know I can't answer that."

Mrs. Ballew encouraged Emma to take a break, which Emma gladly did, heading at first back to her tent, and then choosing to take a walk by the creek.

She dared not wander far. She could hear the sounds of guns firing in the distance. The battle was still very much raging.

*****

"Captain, are you sure we're supposed to take that position?" Andy asked, pointing to a line of Confederates hunkered down behind a stone wall.

"Those are our orders, Mueller," Capt. O'Malley said. "Came straight from General Hancock himself."

"I swear, I don't think our commanders have any brains," Andy protested. "We'll get torn to pieces."

O'Malley didn't argue the point. He was once a member of the Irish Brigade that was all but destroyed at Fredericksburg.

"I've attacked higher hills and had to go a much longer distance," O'Malley said.

"Yes, but you didn't exactly make it," Andy answered.

"Mueller, you have your orders," O'Malley said.

Andy solemnley motioned for Lucien and ordered the troops to advanced. Just as they exposed themselves, the Confederates opened fire.

Several men fell.

But still, they moved forward. Andy didn't like to retreat under most circumstances. This as not one of those times. She hoped for a sound of a bugler's call.

It didn't come.

Slowly, Andy led his men up the hill, taking cover behind any tree or boulder on the way up. They returned fire when they could.

They almost reached the top when he ordered Lucien's men to take the lead.

Lucien was shot in the head. He fell immediately. He was killed instantly.

Andy rushed to his side, and felt a stinging pain in the shoulder, and then saw the blood. He realised he'd been shot.

Just then, the sound of the bugle came from behind.

What was left of Andy's men was ordered to retreat. There was chaos as the men tried to flee amidst a hail of bullets.

Andy kissed Lucien on the forehead, fired a few shots toward the Confederate line and began to flee, trailing most of the rest of the company.

The Confederates paused from shooting in a nod to Andy's bravery.

Andy began to feel dizzy, tripped over a long, fell to the ground and then blacked out.

*****

Emma heard the guns cease, and then heard shouting in the distance.

She wasn't supposed to go near the battlefield, but curiosity got the best of her.

"I can keep a safe distance away," she thought as she walked toward the creek.

She then saw a startling sight. A body lying next to a log was wearing Union blue. She feared the soldier might be dead as she approached the body, but then she saw breathing.

She pulled a handkerchief out of the small bag she was carrying and rushed over to the creek and dipped it in the water.

She walked over to the lanky, thin soldier and wiped it on his forehead. She noticed the "A. Mueller" on the soldier's jacket and became even more startled when the soldier came to.

The soldier looked up and saw the sun shining through Emma's blonde locks. The soldier noticed Emma's blue eyes and small birthmark on her cheek.

"Are you an angel?" the soldier groggily asked.

Emma tried not to laugh and began tending to the soldier's wounded shoulder.

"No, I'm Emma," she said with a smile.

"Then I'm not dead," the soldier named Andy replied.

"No, you are very much alive," Emma said reassuringly. "That is unless we don't get this shoulder treated."