As usual my day starts with the alarm ringing and of course it means it’s another school day. I sigh and get up to get ready for another crappy day.
You must be thinking I hate school right now, actually I love to learn, I am a straight A student and a bookworm, the problem is that I’m a social outcast, ignored by most and bullied by some. I can’t seem to fit in anywhere, even with the nerds, though they are considered social outcasts by most. They get along fine among themselves, I on the other hand am always alone. Being small doesn’t help either, I am 16 years old, a high school junior and just about 5’4”. All of the guys and most of the girls are taller than I am.
After the shower, I dried myself and looked closely at my face reflected by the mirror looking for any sign of facial hair and like always, I find nothing. It kind of became a habit of mine. That’s another thing that makes me the laughing stock among the boys at my school, all of them are already shaving daily and me, nothing, no bulking up, no shaving and my voice hasn’t cracked yet, that and the damn incident last year.
I wrapped my towel around my waist and went to my room to change. Like always, I put on a baggy t-shirt and a pair of jeans. No I didn’t care much about my appearance and why should I? No one would talk to me anyway.
I walked downstairs and my mother was setting up the breakfast table. “Good morning, sweetheart. Did you sleep well?” she asked me.
“Fine” I grunted
“Rough night?” She asked me.
“Weird dreams.” I said. It is true, lately I been having strange dreams, but I can’t remember them when I wake up, just a feeling that I had strange dreams.
I picked up a slice of toast with peanut butter and a glass of orange juice for my breakfast. “You need to eat more than that.” My mother admonished me.
“I’m not very hungry mom.”
“I still think you should eat more, you are too skinny.”
“Mooom!”
“I know, I know. But I do worry about you.” She said.
“I have to go, mom. See you tonight.” I said, giving her a peck on the cheek.
“Have a nice day at school, sweety.”
“Byeee!”
It was a pleasant day, and I started to walk towards the school like I do every day, (weather permitting) after all I live just under a mile away.
There was a nice breeze and just a couple small white clouds in the sky ‘It’s a shame to spend such a nice day inside a classroom.’ I thought.
Walking along lost in thought, I suddenly bumped into something soft and fell down. I looked up and that ‘something’ was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen. Looking at her I completely forgot about my compromising position, completely mesmerised by the beauty in front of me.
“Hey, are you okay?” She asked me.
“Huh?”
“I asked if you are okay.”
“I....I guess so.” I said, trying to get up.
“Here let me help you.” She said, while extending her hand to me.
I took it and she helped me up. “T... thanks” I murmured.
“You're welcome.”
“Sorry for bumping into you. I was distracted.” I said.
“Don’t worry about it, I wasn’t paying attention either.” she said and giggled. “My name is Jessica by the way, what’s yours?”
“S.. Sam.”
“Nice to meet you Sam. Are you walking to school too?”
“Yes, I’m a high school junior.”
“Kewl, I’m a junior too, maybe we will end up in the same classroom. I just moved into town so I don’t know anyone yet. Today it’s my first day at school.”
“I’m pretty sure you’ll have lots of friends soon.”
“Want to walk together to school?” She asked with pleading eyes.
“Sure, I'd like the company.” I said. ‘Too bad it will probably be the last time too. After today she will probably ignore me like the rest of them.’
“I hope you don’t think I’m strange asking you this, but aren’t you a little young to be a junior?”
“I am 16 years old.” I said and sighed again
“Really? I thought you didn’t look older than 13, 14 tops.”
“I keep getting that, it’s annoying sometimes.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to upset you.” She said dejectedly.
“Don’t worry, it happens to me all the time, and it won’t be the last I’m sure.”
“A late bloomer?”
“I guess.” I said shrugging.
A few minutes later we were getting close to the school building and Jessica said. “It was nice to have bumped into you, Sam. I feel like I just made my very first friend here.”
Hearing that my eyes started to water, Its been a long time since anyone called himself or herself my friend. “Thanks for saying that Jess, but I don’t think you’ll want to be my friend when the school day is over.”
“Why wouldn’t I want to be your friend?” she asked me confused.
“You’ll see.” It’s all I said.
“I don’t get it. You seem very nice. You are not crazy are you?”
That made me smile a little and I said. “No, I’m not.”
“Why don’t we meet outside after school and walk home together?”
I shrugged and said. “Sure, why not?”
“Great, see you later then.” She said giving me a quick hug and then going inside.
Getting to my locker this morning wasn’t so bad. I was just tripped and had my books dropped on the floor once. Once I locked the door I was suddenly shoved against it and I heard someone say. “Get out of the way, girly-boy.” I just sighed and made my way to homeroom.
I sat down on my usual place in the front of the classroom and waited for the bell to ring. ‘It’s going to be a looooog day.’ I thought to myself
Once the bell rang, Miss Bell, our teacher came inside, did the roll call and said. “Good morning, everyone. Today we have a new student starting at our school, Miss Jessica Ann Campbell. Please make her feel welcome here. Jessica, you can sit behind Stephanie.” She said pointing to the empty seat a few rows behind me.
Jessica looked around before sitting down and our eyes meet. She gave me a smile and sat down. Soon the other girls were chatting with her. ‘That’s it, in a little while she will never speak to me again.’
During the morning I had two other classes with her, I saw her looking at me sometimes but she was always surrounded by the other girls wanting to get to know her.
At lunch as usual I avoided the cafeteria, as I usually ended up with food on my hair or my clothes wet because some jock would ‘accidentally’ drop something liquid all over me.
The afternoon was pretty calm and soon it was time to go home. I decided to not wait for Jessica as she probably won’t appear anyway.
When I got outside, she was already waiting for me. She had a strange look on her face ‘I have a bad feeling about this.’ I thought to myself.
“Hi... Jess.” I said meekly.
“Are you really a boy?”
“What?”
“I thought you were a girl. Why didn't you tell me you were a boy?"
“Why would I need to? I never said I was a girl, and my name is Sam, not exactly girly, is it?”
“I thought it was short for Samantha.” She said.
“See? I told you this morning that before the day was over, you wouldn’t want to be my friend anymore.” I said feeling the tears coming and started to run away.
“Wait.” She said running after me. “I’m sorry. It was thoughtless of me to do that, and I still want to be your friend.”
“Really? Do you still want to be my friend?” I said sobbing.
“Of course I do. Come on let’s go get something to eat, my treat.”
“Okay.” I said meekly.
We walked in silence to a dinner nearby and sat down in a booth, Soon a waitress came by and said. “Good afternoon girls, what can I do for you today?”
“I’ll just want a tuna salad and a diet coke please.” Jess said.
“And you, miss?”
“Huh? The same I guess.” I said deciding to not to correct her and cause her embarrassment.
“Okay, so its 2 tuna salads and 2 diet cokes, right?”
“Right.” we both said at the same time.
After the waitress left, Jess looked at me and said. “The waitress thought you were a girl."
“I noticed.” I said and sighed.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“And cause her embarrassment? She would look at me strangely and probably wouldn't be very friendly towards us after that. It happens all the time, i got tired of correcting people.”
“Are you sure you are a boy?” She asked me.
“Yes I’m sure. Do I have to prove it to you?” I asked starting to get angry.
“I’m sorry, It’s just that you look so much like a girl that it’s hard to believe you are a boy.”
“I don't think I started my puberty yet."
“Have you seen a doctor about it? It’s not normal to get to 16 without starting puberty.”
“No I haven’t. Do you think I should?”
“Of course you should. What if there is something wrong with you? The sooner you find out, the sooner you can get it fixed.”
“Now you are starting to worry me.”
“Both my parent’s are doctors, my dad is a GP and my mother is a Pediatrician. If you want you could talk to them first.”
“You think they would talk to me?”
“I don’t see why not.”
“When do you think I should talk to them?”
“My mother must be home already, why not right after we leave here?”
“That soon?”
"No time like the present."
“You are not trying to wind me up, are you?” I asked her.
“Why would you think that?”
“Because I’m not used to people being nice to me, that’s all. I'm used to people ignoring me or trying to beat me up.”
“You are having a hard time, aren’t you.”
At that moment the waitress get back with our orders so I just nodded. We ate in silence because I didn't know what to say. It’s been so long since someone my age treated me like a friend that I just wanted to savour that feeling.
After we finished eating, Jess paid the bill and we walked to her home, once inside, she yelled, “MOM, I’M HOME!” almost making me deaf.
“Hey sweety, how was school today, her mom asked walking out of the kitchen.
“It was great mom, I also made a new friend. Sam, this is my mom. Mom, meet Sam.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you Sam. I hope my daughter has treating you well.”
“It’s a pleasure to meet you Dr. Campbell. She has been great to me so far.”
“That’s good to hear, so are you staying for dinner?”
“We just ate a tuna salad, mom.” Jess said.
“Well, dinner will only be served at 7 so there is time till then for you to get hungry. Why don’t you girls go do your homework and I’ll call you when dinner is served.”
“Huh... mom?”
“Yes sweety?”
“Sam is not a girl.”
“What?” She asked and looked at me
“Sam is a boy.”
“Oh I’m so sorry, Sam.” She said to me.
“Actually that’s why I brought him here, mom. He said his puberty didn’t start yet.”
“Is that true?” She asked me.
“Yes ma’am.”
“My daughter made you open up to her, didn’t she?”
“I don’t know how she did it, but she makes you want to trust and talk to her.” I said.
“How old are you Sam?”
“16 and half ma’am.”
“Don’t ma’am me, young man, call me Catherine or Cathy.” She admonished me.
“Okay ma’... I man Cathy.”
“That’s better. Why don’t we call your parents and ask them to come have dinner with us?”
“It’s just me and my mom, my father died when I was 12 in a car accident.”
“I’m sorry, Sam.” Both Jess and her mom said at the same time.
“Don’t worry about that, It was a long time ago.” I said.
"Why don't you two go to Jessica's room and do your homework?"
I gave Cathy my home number we went upstairs while she called my mom from the living room.
A few minutes later she came upstairs and said. “Your mother will be here for dinner, Sam. Rich will be here by then too.”
“Rich?” I asked.
“My father.” Jess told me.
“Oh great, I just met the girl today and she is introducing me to her parents already. if things continue progressing this way I’ll be married by the weekend.” I said trying to look serious and Jess started to laugh, and of course that made me laugh too.
We did finished our homework and Jess went to take a shower and change. I could use one too, but of course I didn’t have a change of clothes. When she came back from the bathroom she was just wearing a pink bathrobe. ‘God she is so beautiful.’
She went to her closet and started to choose her clothes. She picked up a pink tank top and asked me what I thought about it.
Needless to say I was blushing like mad and avoiding to look at her. "I... I think I should go downstairs while you change, Jess. I am a boy, remember?"
She looked at me for a second, blushed and said "Oh, I'm so sorry Sam. I forgot completely."
I shrugged and said "Don't worry, I'm used to it." I said and went downstairs.
I went to the kitchen and asked Cathy if she needed any help. “Do you know how to cook?” She asked me.
“Yes ma’.. I mean Cathy. I often cook at home. I love to cook, It’s something that relaxes me.”
“Okay, then you can help me by chopping the vegetables that are on the table.”
“Yes, ma’am.” I said and did a mock salute.
She just giggled and I went to work on my duty.
A few minutes later Jess came in and started to help too. With everyone helping, cooking became very fun and a pleasant activity, and before we noticed everything was ready and it was almost 7. We set the table want went to the living room wait for the rest to arrive. Like magic, as soon we sat down to relax, Jess’ father arrived and less than a minute later my mom arrived too. Introductions were made and soon we were all having a very nice dinner.
“Everything tastes great tonight Cathy.” Jess' father said.
“I had great help.” She said looking at us.
“I hoped my son didn’t give you any trouble.” My mom said.
“Mooom.”
“Son?” I head him ask.
‘Damn it, not him too?’ I thought to myself.
“I thought Sam was your daughter.” he said.
“Actually hon, that’s why Jess brought Sam here today. She met him when she was going to school today and they are in the same homeroom. She got him to open up to her and found out his puberty didn’t start yet.” Cathy said.
“How the heck she managed to get all that out of the poor boy on the first day?” Dr. Campbell asked impressed.
“What can I say? I have a gift.” Jess simply said like it’s no big deal.
“So, Jess, why did you bring him to us today?” He asked.
“Well, daddy, you know it isn’t normal for someone to not have, like, started their puberty when they were over 16, right?”
“Right.” He said.
“So... Sam is 16 and half years old, but look like he is 13 or 14, maybe even a little younger than that, so I thought you could, like, answer some questions or direct him to someone to check him up.”
“And I invited his mom so she could be aware of what’s happening if she didn’t know already.” Cathy said.
“I had no idea he that it was happening, or maybe should I say not happening? He never said anything to me.” My mother said.
“Mom, you already have a lot to worry about and I didn’t want to worry you.” I said.
“Oh sweetheart, I’ll always worry about you. You are my baby.” She said hugging me.
“Not in front of others mom, please.” I said blushing.
I looked at Jess and she was smiling. ‘At least she isn’t laughing at me.’
After dinner, Dr. Campbell said he wanted to see me at the hospital he worked at 8:00 in the morning for a checkup.
We said our goodbyes and I promised Jess I would call her tomorrow.
Soon we were home and I went upstairs to have a shower and sleep thinking of the appointment tomorrow. It took me a while for me to be able to sleep as I was nervous about the next day's appointment. ‘I hope there is nothing wrong with me, but if there is, I’m sure they will be able to fix it, right?’
Comments are so important to the author that this will be reposted until everyone at BC leaves at least one comment. That is the truth, or my name isn’t Robert Redford.(Although I would much rather be a young Teri Hatcher.)
I woke up before 6:00 the next day, nervous about the upcoming appointment. I kept waking up sweating during the night, and I still couldn't rest. I was too wired to go back to sleep so I went to the bathroom and did my morning routine before changing and going downstairs.
I decided to cook breakfast for Mom this morning, cooking always seems to relax me. I guess it’s because takes my mind of things as I keep my concentration on cooking. I made some french toast, scrambled eggs and a pot of coffee, my mom always liked her coffee black and strong and I mean espresso strong, not the watered version most people seem to like around here. After I set up the table, I went upstairs to call her.
I knocked on her door and said. “Mom? Breakfast is ready.”
“Thank you, sweetie. What time is it?” She said still awaking.
“A little after 6:30”
“I’ll be downstairs in a bit.”
“Okay.”
I went outside and picked up the newspaper, I needed to something to distract me and went through it reading mostly the headlines. 'War. War. War. Economic recession. Robbery. Political Scandal. Oh there is a sale at Macy's, I think Mom will like that one.'
I was still reading the newspaper when Mom came downstairs, so I put it on the living room coffee table. I wonder why is it called coffee table, as I never saw anyone put any coffee mugs or pots on one of those, there’s always a pot of flowers or something else in the middle of it, not to mention that sometimes people also use it to support their feet. Yes, I’m rambling, when nervous I tend to think silly things like that.
“Hummmm, something smell delicious.” My mom said.
“Thanks Mom. I did the coffee the way you like, strong, very strong.”
“Thank you sweetie, that way you'll spoil me.”
“Don't count on it. I fully expect you to do the breakfast tomorrow.”
We ate and mom went upstairs for a shower and get ready to take me to the hospital. I got up, cleaned up the table and washed the dishes while I waited. Yep, you guessed, anything to avoid thinking about the appointment. The thing is I HATE NEEDLES.
Soon Mom got back and we were on our way to the hospital.
While we were driving at the hospital my mother asked me. “Are you nervous, sweetie?”
“Me? Nervous? Nah. I'm just terrified. What if there’s something wrong with me?”
“I hope there’s nothing wrong with you, but it’s better to be safe than sorry, right?”
“I guess.” I said dejectedly.
Arriving at the hospital, we quickly found a parking spot close to the hospital building, probably because it was still early and went inside, there a receptionist directed us to the 3rd floor. We got on the elevator and on the 3rd floor another receptionist said we would be called soon.
I rummaged through the magazines there, but nothing appealed to me, especially because I couldn’t find anything newer than 6 months old. What do they want? Make us sick with boredom, so they can squeeze more money out of us? Those magazines must be filled with the germs and bacteria from hundreds of people. I bet that some guys even went to the bathroom and didn’t wash their hands before reading the magazines. Ewwww.
“Everything’s going to be fine sweetie.” My mom said reassuringly and hugged me.
A few minutes later the receptionist/secretary called my name, and we went into Dr. Campbell office.
“Good morning, Sam, Mrs Evans.” he said greeting us.
“What's up doc?” I said and giggled. “Sorry Dr. Campbell I always wanted to say that.”
“That's not a problem Sam. I always wondered when someone would come in and use that line with me.”
“Good morning, Dr. Campbell.” My mother said.
“As we discussed last night, you’re worried that your puberty didn’t start yet, right? Today I’ll perform a physical exam and collect some blood to do some tests. Hopefully that will give us some answers.” He said.
‘Dammit! I knew there would be needles involved.’
“Okay, young man, why don’t you go to the exam room, strip down and put on the gown that’s in there, I’ll be there with a nurse in a couple minutes.” He told me.
I went to the exam room and changed into a blue hospital gown. ‘These things are ugly and thin as paper, and somewhat uncomfortable, and why is my ass uncovered? He won’t do a rectal exam, will he?’
Soon the Dr. came in, together with a nurse. He measured me, weighed me, probed me and spent a lot of time examining my genitals. It was the most humiliating thing I’ve went through in my entire life. Also I think the nurse took out a gallon of blood. 'What is she going to do with all that blood? Feed a family of vampires?' I also had a prostate exam (shudder) and took some X-rays.
Oh, they made me pee in a cup too.
After I put my clothes back on, I went to the office and the Dr. was there talking to my mother.
I sat down next to her and he said. “Hi Sam, from what I can see you are very healthy but underdeveloped. Also you seem to be a little of a mystery here. At first glance, it would appear that the testes didn't descend yet, the penis is extremely small and underdeveloped, and I didn't find the prostate gland. I’d recommend an ultrasound and maybe an MRI to see what is going on inside you, but first we’ll wait for the results of the blood tests. You know how health insurance is, if I tried to do those right now they’d probably deny it, and it would be harder to get it done later.”
“Why would that be?” Mom asked him.
“Because they are always trying to save money and want to make everyone’s life a living hell, of course. Actually the thing is that if they approved those exams this early during diagnosis, everyone would want to do them just to be safe, even when it is not necessary.”
“It does make sense. Many doctors would start using them all the time because they are afraid of making a mistake, just like everybody uses a calculator these days even for simple math problems. It would raise the costs of the insurance too, I think.”
“That's pretty much it. You seem to be very bright.”
“I'm a bookworm, doc. I don't have any friends and I spend most of my time reading books. Fantasy, SciFi, comedy, also a lot of non fiction too, basically whatever I can get my hands on.”
“Anything medical?”
“Not really. Just the odd article on the Internet. Without some basic knowledge, it’s like trying to read Greek to me. I am more the technology type of guy.”
“So, do you think there is something wrong with my son?” My mom asked trying to get us back to the point.
“Oh, sorry. Your son is a fascinating person and I can see how my daughter warmed up so fast to him. The answer to your question is, I'm still not sure. We’ll have to wait for the lab results to come back to get a clear idea of what is going on.”
“So when do you think we’ll have the results?” My mom asked.
“Some of the tests just take a couple hours, the DNA test will take a few days.”
“DNA test? Why would I need a DNA test?”
“So that we have a clearer idea of what we are dealing with. Also, after the tests come back I'm going to ask for an ultrasound to take a look inside your abdomen. At first I thought you could have been a case of AIS but I'm not so sure now. I do need to do some research to treat you better, Sam.”
“AIS?” my mother asked
“Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome, is when the person's body is incapable of processing the testosterone because the androgen receptors are defective.”
“So, if I have that AIS thing what does it mean?”
“I think its too soon to say you have it, but so far it doesn't appear to be the case.”
“So what do you think is wrong with me?”
“I didn't want to say anything yet, as it’s too early to be sure and I don't want to freak you out.”
“Freak me out? Why would I freak out? Am I supposed to freak out? Is it serious? I'm dying, ain't I?”
“Calm down Sam, you’re not dying.”
“So what is wrong with me?” I practically yelled. (yeah I was freaking out... just a little bit.)
“Let me ask you a question. Do people often mistake you for a girl?”
“It happens all the time, I even got tired of correcting people. What does that have to do with it?”
“Did you notice that my wife and I also mistook you for a girl when we first met you, and we are medical professionals?”
“Yeah, so?”
“I was looking at your x-rays and if I didn't know it was yours, I would say they are from a girl. What I’m trying to say is that you might be more female than male. Even seeing you naked, it was hard to picture you as a boy, as you seem to be starting to develop a female figure.”
“You mean I'm turning into a girl?” I asked, not really believing what he was saying. My mom looked shocked, raising her hands to her mouth.
“That's not exactly what I am saying, because after all, people don't just change genders that way. What I am saying is that whatever it is, it has been happening since before your birth.”
“So what do we do now?” My mother asked him.
“Go on as usual, and as soon I get the results back, I'll call you.”
“Thank you Dr.” My mother said.
“You’re welcome, Mrs. Evans. It’s no big deal, really. I’m doing this as a favor to my daughter, she likes Sam very much, and I would catch hell at home if I didn't help you. My wife was very taken by you too Sam, we all were.”
“I like her very much too, Sir. I like every one of you.” I said and blushed.
“Sam, my daughter is lucky to have met you and I can see you like her a lot too. But don’t tell her I said that. If you do I’ll deny it. I still have a father image to uphold.” He said and laughed.
“Okay doc, I won’t tell her, it will be our secret.”
We left the hospital, and while my mom was driving us home I was lost in thought. What did he mean about being more female than male? Does that make me a girl or a feminine boy? Can I get more manly? If so, do I want to?
My mother seemed to pick up on my mood and said. “Don’t worry, sweetie. You heard what the doctor said, it’s probably to early to tell if anything is wrong, but you appear to be healthy so far.”
“Yeah, but probably more like a healthy girl than a healthy boy.” I said meekly.
The rest of the trip home we were silent, I wasn’t in the talking mood and Mom probably noticed that, and soon we were home.
I went to my bedroom and played some computer games to take my mind off of what happened this morning.
At noon, Mom called me to lunch, she had made one of my favorite dishes, grilled beef and french fries. Yes, I’m a boy with simple tastes, well... almost, I do like to eat my french fries with mayonnaise.
After lunch I went to the living room watch some TV, I zapped around the channels but there was nothing interesting in it.
Around 2 I was already bored and strangely enough, I was already missing school. I got up and said “Mom, I think I’m going to meet Jess at the school gate, okay?”
“Sure sweetie, just don't come home late.”
“Thanks Mom.” I said and gave her a peck on her cheek.
I texted Jess, telling her to meet me at the school gate after class and started on my way. I decided to go the long way because there was still some time until the end of class, but I still arrived about 15 minutes early, so I sat down on the stairs, (Out of the way, of course) and waited for her.
A few minutes after the final bell, Jess came running outside and gave me a big hug. More than a few raised eyebrows could be seen looking at us, and I am sure I hears someone mutter something about lezzies, but I didn’t care. I had other things in my mind.
“So how did it go this morning?”
“I’ll tell you on the way to your house, Jess.”
“There’s nothing wrong, I hope.” She said worriedly, and we started walking.
“He said it’s too early to tell, but I do seem healthy.”
“So why the long face? There’s something you’re not telling me, isn’t there?”
“Gosh, there’s no way to hide things from you, is there?”
“No way whatsoever.” She said with a smile.
“Well... he said that he needs to wait for the test results, At first he thought it was AIS, but he said it was unlikely.” I said, feeling tears beginning to form.
“You mean, Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome?” she asked me.
“Yes, do you know about it?” I asked her.
“I read about it. I want to become a doctor someday, so I usually read my parents periodicals.”
“A smart girl, I like that.”
“You're silly.” She said, slapped me on my arm and giggled.
“So he doesn't think it’s AIS?” She asked me a couple minutes later.
“No, he said that... that... my body seems to be more female than male. What am I going to do, Jess?”
“Well, first we are going to my home and have a cup of chamomile tea, it will help you calm down, and then well talk calmly, okay?
“Okay.”
We arrived at her home and again she yelled telling her mom she was back home.
I'm pretty sure I'll end up deaf because of that someday.
Her mom came and greeted us. She asked me how things went, and I told her all that happened in the hospital. After I finished she said. “He’s probably right, it’s a little early to tell. But if his suspicions are right, you might have a hard choice to make.”
“What kind of choice?” I asked, already dreading the answer.
“The choice very few people get to make. You can choose to be a boy or a girl.”
“But I don’t know a thing about being a girl, and after last year, I don’t think anyone will accept me anyway.” I said, starting to feel the tears running down my cheeks.
“What happened last year, Sam?” Jess asked me, holding me tightly.
“I can’t tell, you’ll hate me if I do.” I said, openly crying.
“Unless you killed someone, there’s no way I can hate you.” She told me reassuringly.
“You can tell us, Sam.” Dr. Cathy said also holding me.
“Okay. (sniff)”
“You met Stephanie, right?” I asked Jess.
“The girl that sits next to me at homeroom?”
“Yes. Until last year we were the best of friends since preschool. She lives just a few houses from mine and we were practically inseparable.”
“Why aren’t you two still friends? She seems like a nice girl.”
“Because what happened last year was her fault, and because of that, the bullying became even worse ever since then. Even the girls don’t talk to me anymore, or they ignore me.”
“What happened last year, after all?”
“Well, it was a few weeks before Halloween and we were at her house planning what would we wear for the school’s party. She had the idea of me trying on one of her cheerleader uniforms.” I said looking at the floor blushing.
“So you went to the party dressed as a cheerleader and something happened there?” Jess asked.
“No, I never went to the party.”
“Why not?”
“Well, she convinced me to try the outfit and she did my hair and put some makeup for the finishing touches. When I looked at the mirror, it was a mix of shock and fascination, as I did look like a girl. We took some pictures and I changed back into my regular clothes before going home.”
“Until then I don’t see anything wrong, you were trying a Halloween costume, right? And even if it wasn’t, there’s nothing wrong with that.” Dr. Cathy said and Jess nodded.
“The next day I met Steph and we walked together to school like we always did. Everything seemed normal until we reached the school. Kids everywhere were pointing at me and laughing saying ‘Look at the sissy’ and other things that I don’t even dare to repeat. When I reached my locker, glued on the door were the pictures we took the day before and the whole school got copies.” I said, breaking down again. “She was my best friend, dammit! Why did she do that to me?”
Both mother and daughter hugged me while I cried. I think they were crying a little too.
Jess kept hugging me while I was crying. I think I cried a long time and she never stopped holding me the entire time.
A little while later I was finally calming down when I heard the doorbell ring. It was my mother. It seems Cathy called her after my breakdown.
“Are you okay, sweetie?” She asked me.
“I'm feeling a little better now.”
“Dr. Campbell called and said some of the results are back. We should go to the hospital to talk to him.”
“Can't we talk here?” I asked.
“Unfortunately no, what if he needs to do more tests?”
“Can Jess come with us?”
“Can I go? Please?” She asked her mom.
“Yeah, she kind of calms me down, please?”
“Of course she can go.”
“Thank you, Mom.” She said hugging her mother and giving her a kiss on her cheek.
We arrived at the hospital and went to the 3rd floor again. all during that time Jess was holding my hand reassuringly.
We sat down on the waiting room and I told her my thoughts about the magazines I’d had that morning. She immediately dropped the magazine she had in her hands and said. “Ewww. I’m never going to touch a magazine in a waiting room ever again.”
“My thoughts exactly. I think I’ll start coming here with my Kindle.”
“Do you have a Kindle? Is it good?”
“Did you forget you are talking to a bookworm? Of course it’s great. I love it.”
A few minutes later we were directed to the doctor’s office and when we entered Jess ran to her father, gave him a peck on his cheek.
“Hi Daddy.”
“Hi princess, what are you doing here?
“Sam asked me to come for support, it’s okay, isn’t it?”
“Sure it is, princess.”
We sat down and he said “Hi Sam, I got the hormone level tests back and it shows some hormonal deficiency. For a boy you have very low level of testosterone running in your body and the estrogen level seems a bit high. Now for a girl you have a normal level of testosterone and the estrogen levels are a little low for your age.”
“What does it mean?” I asked.
“It means that you have the hormone levels of a prepubescent boy or just a little on the low side of a girl entering puberty. It also means that we need to do that ultrasound to see what is going on inside you.”
“When can we do it?” My mother asked.
“I managed to get you an appointment tomorrow at 5:00PM. That's the best I could do.” He said apologetically.
“That soon, and you sound disappointed?”
“I hoped to be able to do it today.”
“He just doesn't like mysteries. I'm sure he’ll be up all night thinking about it.” Jess said and giggled.
“What can I say? I do love my job. So see you tomorrow afternoon?”
“You can bet on it, Doc. I'm pretty sure I'm going to have trouble sleeping tonight too.”
“Can I come with Sam again tomorrow daddy?”
“If he wants you to, sure you can.”
“I do want it, sir.”
“Then it is settled, see you tomorrow. Are you coming home with me, princess? This was my last appointment of the day.”
“Sure, Daddy. Bye Sam, see you tomorrow morning, okay?”
“Okay. Want me to pick you up in front of your house tomorrow?”
“I would be offended if you didn't.” She said and gave me kiss on my cheek, causing me to blush immediately.
The next morning, I went to meet Jess and found her waiting for me in front of her house.
"Good morning, Sam. How did you sleep?"
"Good morning, Jess. No so well, actually. I am a bit worried about going to the hospital again this afternoon for the ultrasound. What if they find something wrong with me?"
"I wouldn't worry so much. They just want to know what is going on inside of you I think. And for something being wrong with you, isn't it why you are going there in the first place? To find out why aren't you developing like you should? "
"That's true, but but I can't help getting nervous."
"I understand, Sam. Probably I would be nervous too if I were in your place."
"Let's change the subject, I don't want to think about it right now, okay?"
"You know, I was thinking about what you said yesterday."
"About what exactly?"
"About what you called 'the incident'. "
"What about it?"
"Are you sure that Stephanie is the one responsible for spreading the pictures? I mean, you said you two have been best friends all your life, right? Don't you think it's strange that she would throw away such a long time friendship like that?"
"I... I never thought about it, but who else could have been? She was the one who took the pictures."
"That is true, but did you try to talk to her about it?"
"No... I didn't. She tried to, and but I couldn't do it."
"Why not?"
"Because I couldn't bear the prospect of her telling me that she did it. It would hurt too much."
"More than spending almost a year hurting everyday for not knowing for sure? Maybe even hurting for something she might have not even be responsible?"
"Why do you think she might not be responsible?"
"Because she was your friend for a long time. I just got to know you and already care about you a lot. Also, I think she probably is a good person or she wouldn't have been your friend for so long."
"I don't know. Do you think I might have overreacted?"
"I don't know, maybe. Do you want to do something about it?"
"But... Never mind, it's too late anyway. I bet she won't talk to me anymore even if I try. Just drop it."
The morning was uneventful to say the least. I did talk to Jess between classes, but other than that I was mostly ignored by the other students. I had to eat my lunch alone though, Jess said she had something to and couldn't eat with me today. I was a little disappointed as I was looking for eating with her, but it's not like I'm not used to eat alone. I just hope she isn't having second thoughts about being my friend. I know it can't be good for her socially to hang out with me.
Right before the end of the lunch hour she came back and we talked a bit before we had to go to class. What she had to do, I have no idea, nor she said anything about it.
The rest of the school day was pretty much like the morning, something that I was actually thankful for. I was getting more nervous as the time passes by and could hardly pay attention to the lectures.
The final bell came with a mixture of relief, excitement and fear. I met with Jess and we walked back to her place together. I guess she picked up on my nervousness and tried to reassure me that everything would be fine and that there was nothing to be afraid for. Other than that we didn't talk much. When we got to her place, she invited me in, but I said I couldn't because I wanted to take a shower before going to the hospital. She looked a little disappointed but said she understood. She gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek. "For good luck." She said and we made plans for me to call her later.
I had just finished getting dressed when my mom got home and a few minutes later we were on our way to the hospital.
You know, time is an odd thing. Have you noticed that when you are excited about going somewhere it seems it takes forever for it to pass? And when you are nervous and scared, it seems that it takes no time at all.
So, there I was at the hospital and a nurse made me drink what I could swear it was a gallon of water. I thought I wouldn't be able to drink it all, but somehow I managed, but the worst part was to wait after drinking that much because I needed to go BAD and they didn't let me, bummer. At least it did take my mind of the upcoming test for a little while.
The nurse asked if I wanted my mother to accompany me and I said that I would insist on her doing so. We were led to the room were I was going to have the ultrasound had I was instructed to undress to my underwear and given one of those horrid hospital paper gowns to put on. "To preserve the modesty" she said.
After I "changed" I got out from behind the screen and a female radiologist instructed me to lie down on my back on the exam table. She then removed the town from my lower abdomen and spread something warm on my tummy. She pressed then pressed some sort of contraption against my tummy and started moving it around. That made me almost pee myself right there. She kept moving the thing around and looking at a screen, she would move the thing, stop on a spot, press it a bit harder moving it a little, make a face and press a button. I guess she was taking pictures. That or she really wanted me to pee myself. After what felt like an eternity, she gave me some paper towels for me to clean off the gel.
"How did it go?" I asked the radiologist.
"Everything went perfectly, sweetie. Now I just need to send the results to your doctor."
"Not that. I mean is everything okay?" I asked.
"I really can't say anything sweetie, your doctor will be the one to interpret the images. I can't say if there is anything wrong. I just know to my eyes everything seems to be in the right places."
I felt a relief at that moment. Nothing seemed out of place inside me, so that probably meant that I was normal, right? My relief was only temporary as I heard the technician talk to my mom.
"You have such a pretty daughter. I sure hope the doctor gives you some good news." She said.
"Daughter? That's my son." My mom said.
"B..but in the ultrasound images she... he... she... has..."
At that point was feeling a little light headed as I was starting to hyperventilate, shocked that she thinks I'm a girl after the ultrasound and trying to put on my pants at the same time when I lost my balance, falling down and I felt my head hit something before everything faded away.
When I woke up, I was confused for a moment as I expected to be in my room, but what I saw was a room with white walls, a beeping sound and a throbbing pain in my head. I looked around and saw mom, sleeping on a chair next to the bed I was laid on and I noticed I was in the hospital.
I started to sit down and I think that woke mom up, because she stirred at that moment and opened her eyes.
"Mom? What happened?"
"How are you feeling, sweetie?"
"My head hurts. Why am I in the hospital?"
"Don't you remember?"
"Remember what?"
"Why you came to the hospital."
"We came to do the ultrasound. The last thing I remember was going behind the screen to change back into my clothes and then... nothing. Did something happened?" I asked feeling confused.
"You fell and hit your head. You have been unconscious for almost 2 hours."
"I don't remember falling down. Wait, I think I remembered something." I said feeling worried.
"What?"
"When the test finished I really needed to go pee. I hope I didn't embarrass myself after I lost consciousness."
"Don't worry about it. It was perfectly understandable due to the circumstances."
"Are you telling me that I wet myself? Oh gosh, this is so embarrassing." I said lowering my head and bringing my hands up, trying to hide the look of shame on my face.
"It was an accident sweetie. There's no shame in that."
"Can we go home now? I don't want to talk about it anymore."
"I'll tell the nurse you are awake, but I don't think you are going anywhere today."
"Why not?"
"They want to keep you under observation as you probably have a contusion."
"As long they don't keep poking needles up my arm I won't complain."
My mom called the nurse and the nurse said that a doctor would come to see me soon.
"Mom, how did the ultrasound go? Did Dr. Campbell see them? Are they normal?"
"Sweetie, it is better if you let him tell you. We were going to come back tomorrow to talk to him because of the time of the test, as it would be way outside his shift. But when he heard you were admitted, he asked the nurses to page him as soon you wake up."
"You mean he is coming back here because of me?" I asked and she nodded.
"Call him and tell him I can wait until tomorrow. There is no need for him to come back."
"I can't, I tried and he said he is doing this because his daughter would kill him of he didn't bring her here."
"She has him wrapped around her finger, doesn't she?"
"Definitely."
A middle aged man came inside the room and introduced himself as Dr. Greg Ferguson. He passed a light in front of my eyes and asked me how I was feeling, if I had a headache (Duh.. of course I had I hit my head, remember?), dizziness (no) and a bunch of questions before saying that apparently I had just a minor contusion and would be able to go home tomorrow.
It didn't take long after that for Jess to come running through the door and give me a bear hug that if I wasn't already in the hospital would probably send me into one.
My mom left the room, probably to give us some space and talk to Dr. Campbell.
"I... c...can't ... breathe ..."
"Sorry." She said and stopped hugging me.
"I didn't mean for you to stop hugging me, I just wanted you to not squeeze me so tight." I said blushing .
"You got me so worried." She said hugging me more carefully this time.
"Hey, I just hit my head. Good thing I'm thick headed or I would be in trouble." I said trying to cheer her up.
"That's not funny." She said and giggled.
"Yes it is." I said giggling with her.
"I brought someone that wants to see you. Please, promise you are going to stay calm and listen to her, okay?"
"Huh? Okay?" I wondered who she brought with her, or even who would want to see me.
She went out of the room and pulled in a very nervous looking Stephanie.
"Steph! What are you doing here?" I asked surprised.
"I was worried about you. I was talking to Jessica when she got the news you had an accident here at the hospital. I wanted to come right away but she convinced me to go to her home and she would bring me here later."
"But why we're you worried about me? After what happened I thought..."
"You thought wrong. I wasn't the one responsible for what happened. It was the jerk that calls himself my brother. He saw the camera and when he saw the pictures he thought it would be funny to send them to a few of his friends. I tried to talk to you for weeks but you never gave the chance."
"You mean that you had nothing to do with it?"
"No I didn't, and I tried so hard to talk to you but it was like you closed yourself inside a shell. No one could reach you."
"What do you mean?"
"Some of my friends tried to talk to you too, you know. But you thought they were trying to make fun of you and dismissed them without listening."
"You mean I wasn't being ignored?"
"Not at first, but after a few weeks we all stopped trying, we figured out you wanted to be left alone for a while and when you were ready you would come to talk to us. It was you that were ignoring everyone and not the other way around."
"I talked to Steph today during lunch and she told me everything that happened from her point of view and I knew I had to do something to patch things up between you." Jess told me.
"Oh gosh. I never knew." I said feeling ashamed.
"You were always stubborn but this was over the top Sam."
"I'm so sorry, Steph. What can I do to make things right?" I asked her with tears rolling down my cheeks.
"You could start by giving her a hug." Jess said and we hugged crying together.
We were still hugging when mom came back with Dr, Campbell. "So you two finally patched things up, I see."
"I think so." I said drying my eyes.
"Yes, we did. Finally." Steph said.
"We just needed a little help from our newest friend." I added.
"It is good to see you are making friends so quickly, Jess." Her father told her. "But unfortunately I need to ask you and your friend to leave the room as I need to talk to Sam about the test results."
"Can they stay?" I asked.
"If it's that what you want and your mother agrees, yes. It is a very personal matter."
"Steph has been my best friend since my earliest memories, and she knows everything about me, also I don't want to have secrets between us. One time we didn't tell the other what we were feeling and tried to work things out, almost destroyed a life long friendship. Although I met Jess just a few days ago I feel a deep connection to her and, in such a short time she proved herself to be a great friend and a very caring person. I think I can trust them both."
"After that speech I don't think I can ask them to leave the room. They can stay of they want." Mom said.
"There are a few things I have to tell you, but I'll start by saying that apparently you are completely healthy kid"
"That is a good thing, isn't it?"
"Yes it is, but we also found some anomalies in your exams. The first exams showed that your male hormone levels were very low, but also showed your estrogen levels at normal levels for a boy of your age. Also your physical development, height and weight is behind other boys."
"That we already knew or suspected, that's why we made the exams, right?" I more than said than asked.
"Right. With the physical exam and the initial X-Rays I found some anomalies, and that's why I asked for the ultrasound."
"What did you find out?"
"We found things that at first we though were anomalies, and they are if you consider that the patient is male, but the number of anomalies drop to almost 0 if the patient is female."
"But being that I am male it means that there is something wrong with me?"
"Dad, just give it straight, stop beating around the bush." Jess said angrily.
"Sorry Sam. I'm going to tell you what we found out. We discover that other than what appears to be a very underdeveloped penis there is nothing male about your body. Everything that shows you completely outside the development norm for males, shows you inside, even if in the low side of the norms for females."
"But what made you decide to compare me to females?"
"Because of what was found in your ultrasound. We found a complete set, even if a little underdeveloped, of a female reproductive system."