Heaven can wait.

A TG story by Allie Elle

This story is structured around a song I consider to be one of my anthems. Meatloaf’s ballad Heaven can wait. The song holds meaning different things for many people but this story covers what it means to me.

Part one: Decisions
Jacob sat cowering in his room as his father was ranting yet again over some imagined slight from someone in the neighbourhood. He heard a thump as his mother was pushed around yet again. He sat, his knees pulled up to his chest to make himself appear as small as possible. He wished he could make himself invisible, but he didn' know of a way to do it.

As usual, his father’s rantings were fuelled by drink and other problems. His father was a senior executive in a chemical plant and not really liked. He tried to throw his weight around and people resented it. Then he took it out on his family. The school system had tried to intervene a couple of times when Jacob had attended school with bruises.

The ten-year-old boy was a quiet child and appeared effeminate. On top of that, he was not encouraged to have friends. The only life he knew was the one inside this house and the abuse. His mother tried her best, but she lived in fear of her husband. Suddenly, after an almighty crash a scream from his mother, the noise from downstairs stopped. He heard his father storming out of the house, followed by the slamming his car door.

No much later his bedroom door opened slowly and his mother peered around the doorframe. Her face was red, and the first signs of bruising appearing were already on her cheek, plus there was a small cut over her left eye. As Jacob stared at the small drop of blood that was forming his body started to shake. He felt a strange feeling well through him as her looked at his mother and took in her injuries.

He slowly got off his bed and straightened up, his whole body shaking. He felt like shouting or hurting something. He had never felt this way before and it worried him, as it was almost as if there was something else in control of him he walked over to his mother and wrapped his arms around her waist and hugged her.
“He will never hurt us again, momma!” When his mother looked down she was shocked to see the way his face was set. She worried that he was going to do something out of character for him. She gently stroked his hair and tried to calm him down, but his body was too rigid.

They held each other for a while before the front door slammed open and his father entered the house again bellowing for them. “Marcie get yourself and that sissy you jokingly call a son down here!”

Jacob’s mother started to shake and cry and tried to drag him downstairs. It was like trying to move a huge lead weight. She gave up after a few seconds as her husband shouted upstairs again.

After his mother had hurried downstairs Jacob felt his body getting tighter and tighter. There seemed to be a red mist forming over his eyes and he was finding it hard to breathe. He stormed downstairs to see his father sitting on the recliner expecting to be waited on hand and foot, and his mother was doing so.

The fury took him over as he stood there, and slowly he started snarling. His father looked over and laughed, as his sissy son looked at him, thinking maybe the little sissy was going to call him out. If he did, it would be the first manly thing the squirt had ever done.

“Dad you will stop trying to hurt mom!” Jacob said, his voice firm.

His father looked at him and started to laugh and slowly got up from the recliner. Jacob could smell the beer on his breath and he hated the smell. “And what are you going to do to stop me, sissy?”
“Whatever I can,” the boy replied in a firm voice.
“Well maybe I oughta give you my gun and let you shoot me then. You little sissy, you could not hurt me. You’re too weak. Always runnin’ to your mama.”

The mist got stronger, and without thinking he swung a small fist straight at the man. His father laughed as he brushed the fist away. Putting his huge body behind the blow, he knocked Jacob across the room. As Jacob’s head hit the far wall he saw his Aunt Jackie enter the house. She was a tall woman and very self-assured. She hardly ever visited and only came over when mom called to tell her that she needed help.

Jackie Richards saw the blow that rocked the small body across the room and heard the sickening thud that meant the boy’s head had struck the wall. Jackie stood stricken with a sickening feeling in the pit of her stomach as the boy’s head rebounded. For a short while the boy did not move, and she worried that the boy was seriously hurt. Then Jacob started to move and his mother and Jackie slowly picked him up. His mother looked at his father, a hard gleam was seen in her eyes.

“Jacob was right! That is the last time you will hurt us!” she growled at him. She raised her hand as if to lash out at her husband but something stopped her and she just turned on her heel and walked out of the house following her sister, who was carrying the small boy in her arms and gently trying to wake him. Jacob was slow in responding as Marcie helped open the door of the large SUV that Jackie drove and her sister laid the boy on the back seat.

“Sis, we need to get Jacob looked at. I’m a bit worried what his head might be like, I’m gonna call Zack.” Zack was Jackie’s husband and a neurologist at the local hospital where she had met him over four years ago. She was a trained nurse and loved her job but she would also love a child of her own but had never been able to get pregnant.

Jackie used her cell phone to call Zack and get him to meet them back at their house so he could check Jacob over to make sure the boy was okay. They drove quickly across town, worried as Jacob seemed to be slipping in and out of consciousness and was mumbling things in his stupor-like state.

The drive across town was uneventful and the two women with the young boy arrived at Jackie’s house to see a huge bear of a man leaning against a car in the drive way. Jackie smiled, looking at her husband as he pulled himself away from his sports car and walked over to them. His size and his attitude gave him the nickname in the area as the Gentle Bear. Like Jackie, he loved kids and always had treats for the youngsters around him and their front yard had play equipment in for them.

Jackie was the first one out of the car. As she hugged her husband, she explained what had happened. Without a word, Zack opened the back door and gently lifted Jacob’s small frame out of the vehicle. He carried him into their house as Jackie showed Marcie around the home and where she and Jacob could sleep.

Zack carried Jacob upstairs to a room that Jackie had decorated in a fairly juvenile manner, hoping someday to turn it into a nursery. Marcie’s room was next door through a shared guest bathroom. He laid the boy on the bed and gently started to probe the head wound with his fingers. He tutted to himself at what he found. As he pulled his hand away, he saw a slight trace of blood, so calling to the two women to keep an eye on the boy her went down to his car to retrieve his medical bag. When he returned he saw that Jackie was cradling the boy in her arms. He had her continue to hold Bacob as he shaved an area of the scalp around a wound that needed stitching.

As Zack worked he wondered how a parent could treat a child in this way, and how a husband could beat his wife to the point they felt they had to escape. Finally the stitches were in place. With a bandage applied to the boys head, Zack took off his gloves.

“Well sister in law, what the fuck happened?” Zack asked, his voice a low gentle rumble. His question brought out the whole sad tale and Zack found himself getting angry. Spo did Jackie, as they both wondered why she had not come to them before now. They could see the fear in Marcie’s eyes as she talked about her husband and what happened and they talked for a good while as they sat in the room watching over Jacob.

Suddenly without warning, Jacob cried out and thrashed around on the bed. As Zack gently restrained him, he looked at his wife, worried. Without a word, Jackie reached the side of the bed and with a slight grunt and a bit of effort, raised a side rail and Zack felt able to let go of the boy.

As Jackie did this, suddenly Jacob shouted out in his sleep. “Why do I have to be a boy?”

The adults looked at each other, then Marcie looked at the floor as she remembered the conversation she’d had with Jacob when he was 8. There had always been something about Jacob’s size and mannerisms that were like a girl’s and Marcie knew that was one of the reasons her husband hated the boy. Marcie looked at her son and tears streamed down her face.

Continued in Part two, where Jacob learns some things about himself and who he really should be.

Heaven can wait part 2 the start of the road

Part two of heaven can wait we explore more about Jacob and unfortunately some of the scenes are not for the faint of heart.

Allie Elle

The adults were surprised by what had come out of Jacob’s mouth and they looked at each other and Marcie looked the uneasiest of them all. She was trying to hide the shock at some of the memories in her mind as she remembered a few things from when Jacob was younger. Her husband’s family had turned up one day with his niece in tow she was the same age as Jacob. The girl had been cute and carefully dressed and she knew it. Marcie had seen the look on Jacob’s face as he looked at his cousin and her dress. There had been a look of longing in his eyes as he looked at her and there was a small amount of jealousy in the look as he let his eyes roam across her dress. As she remembered she realised that then there was something about her son and her husband’s reaction frightened her. He had thrown them out with a growl about sanctimonious god bothering freaks.

After those memories surfaced Marcie looked at her sister and her brother in law and she saw the look of compassion on their faces. This was too much for her to carry and she broke down in tears. Just as she did this Jacob awoke groggily and raised his arms and hugged his mother. His small arms were wrapped around her neck and he looked at his aunt and uncle. For some reason he knew they were not the ones who had hurt his mother but for some reason there was a great sadness there.

“Mom it’s okay, I’m okay honest but my head hurts”Jacob said softly.
His mother lifted him to a soft embrace and cradled him. The other two adults excused them selves and left the two of them together.

Downstairs Jackie turned towards her husband and without a word they embraced to give each other support. Zack could feel his anger rising as he thought about his brother in law and his attitude. The comments that Jacob had made seemed to give some sort of reason to why the supposed man had taken offence to his son. But the question that remained was why he would turn on the woman he was supposed to love but just treated her as a nuisance and a burden. Marcie kept a good home and was a dutiful wife but it seemed that Richard always wanted more. No matter how the two of them tried they were never good enough for what he wanted or viewed as his rightful place and respect.

Zack continued the embrace and they wondered what they were going to do about Jacob and his Mother. Being in the same town created risks for them both if Richard tried anything although he wasn’t well liked. The other thing that worried them was why Jacob felt he had to be a girl; they were not skilled in dealing with psychological issues. They were also scared at how people would react, especially their colleagues. It was something they really had no experience with and had no idea how too cope with it. They dealt with the body and not the mind most things of the body they could handle but not a member of their family feeling the way Jacob was saying her felt. He was only nine years old how could he know they thought to themselves.

Upstairs Marcie was cuddling her son as he cried and as his sobs became weaker she laid him down again on the bed and tucked the comforter around him. After watching him for a while she went down stairs to join her sister and her brother in law. They were waiting for her in the lounge and had a glass of wine ready to steady her nerves. For a good while they sat in silence and the adults listened for any noise from the room upstairs. Marcie looked at her sister and her husband and she saw the concern there

“What?”
“Marcie, we are wondering if there is something we could do to help the two of you” Zack’s voice was soft and low as he talked to his sister in law. Marcie looked at him a look of confusion on her face but she saw the gentleness there. His eyes were filled with both a father and a doctors concern. Marcie wished that her husband were like Zack instead of the drunkard abusive lout he was.

They heard noises coming from upstairs and Zack made Marcie remain in the lounge and he went up to check on Joshua. He entered the bedroom and saw that Joshua was sat bolt upright staring at the wall.
“Joshua buddy what’s up?” Zack asked gently. He looked closely and saw the two small streams of blood from his palms. Zack saw that Jacob’s fists were clenched hard and he was digging the nails of his hand into the palm. Gently he tried to prise the fingers from the hand and the boy started to sob uncontrollably. Zack finally managed to get the hands open and was shocked at the damage done and his concerns about the boy were getting deeper. There was blood on the shirt that Jacob’ was wearing and Zack started to try and remove it. As Jacob’ felt the shirt being lifted he lashed out and screamed. Marcie and Janice came storming into the room and Marcie screamed when she saw the blood and made to move to strike Zack. Her sister intervened and gently held her as Zack calmed the boy in his grip down. He explained what he had seen and the fact that Jacob’ had been in a catatonic state when he had done the damage.

As the shirt was lifted off the three adults tried their best to control their nausea all across the back and some of them were fairly fresh. Then all of a sudden Jacob’ seemed to come out of the trance.
“No I don’t care you don’t love me you hate me I wish I was a girl!” Jacob’ screamed as he came round again. Zack held the boy and motioned for his wife and sister in law to leave, as he wanted to talk to Jacob’. The women left and Zack talked with Jacob’ and he was disgusted at what had really gone on when his mother was not around. He vowed to himself that his father would never touch the boy again and if Jacob’ needed to be a girl or had felt he was always a girl then he would help all he could. He would also get Janice to help her sister and this boy, he thought to himself then groaned and laughed as he thought of the battering his credit card would get with three females using it.

End of part two

Part three: Jacob learns how to be a girl

Jacob’s Heart

A story by Allie Elle

It’s about time I got to the heart of the matter to explain about Jacob and his father and some of the reasons why the man is such a pain in the backside. For this I am going to use an old technique and a bit of a mouldy one (giggles)

Part 3

When Jacob woke the following morning he looked around the strange bedroom and remembered the day before. He was still suffering from the blow to his head and he groaned as he also remembered what he had said to the adults.

He looked through the bedroom window and as he saw the sunlight streaming through it, he wondered how the day could seem so bright when his life was going to fall apart. Sitting up in the bed he took stock of what he and his mom would do now. He knew that his father would view what had happened as an attack on his manhood and position. That would as far as Jacob knew. It would be a hard thing to swallow, and little did they know it was actually a different route that Richard was taking.

Richard walked around the empty house and gently touched places his wife and son had occupied. He stood looking at the pictures on the wall, pictures that to others ere those of a happy family.

His boss had called just after Marcie and her sister had taken Jacob and he had lost his job. His heart was filled with sadness as he looked at how empty the house was. Slowly he fell to his knees and started to cry, large tears falling down his face. His head fell to his hands and the tear turned to the sounds of a tortured soul mourning the loss of his life.

With slow steps, still crying he walked into the kitchen and took a knife from the block. Just as he was going to do some damage, there was a cough behind him, and a small hand touched his shoulder. He turned and his face dropped in shock. He could swear that his sister was standing there, looking the same as the day she’d died. Her face framed by the long blonde hair and that slight uptwisted smile that laughed at the world. The eyes were definitely hers, but also filled with a wisdom and sorrow. But there was also the joy that had always been there.

“Richie, Richie why?” the ghost said.

“Janice, is it really you?” His voice broke as he looked at the spirit.

“Of course, brother. I never really left. Do you think my favourite little brother wouldn’t have his big sister looking after him?”

“But you can’t be real, it must be a dream!”
The spirit reached out and laid a hand on his cheek. He could feel the touch, but there was a chill to it. Richard could not believe that it could be real. The sorrow he had felt at the time of her death was much as he was feeling now.

Maybe his grief at his life falling apart was responsible for the ghost of his sister being there, but the touch certainly felt real. Slowly he looked into the eyes that seemed to hold a deep truth in them, and felt the compassion there.

“Richie, if we are remembered, we are never truly dead. Little brother, think back!”

At her words, Richard found his mind scanning back through his memories until he came to the one strong memory. The feelings and sensations of that time filled his personality and he found himself back in the past. He looked around and saw himself looking at a small boy, kneeling at the side of a grave, tears streaming down his face as he cried as if his heart would break.

Richie Simmons looked at the hole where they had put the box that contained his sister and then covered it up with earth. The six year old boy was totally lost. The one person who had been the centre of his life was asleep, and he couldn’t wake her. He had tried when the men had hurt her, and hurt him as well. There had been lots of red stuff from his sister, and daddy had just laughed as the men had given him the special water again.

Richie was scared when daddy had his hands on the special water. Daddy became horrible and nasty. The men that gave daddy the water would do things with sissy, and him that made him cry. Mummy had left some time ago with Uncle Robert, and never came to see them. Daddy had kept him and sissy from school and kindergarten, and had sold all their toys and things. When that had run out and daddy needed more of the special water, he had started having the men around.

The men always said that they loved Richie and sissy, and did what they did because they loved them. Last week sissy had tried to fight back when one of the men had tried to give Richie some of the special water. That was when they had hurt sissy, and the red stuff had come out of her, and daddy would not call the doctors and the men had not come back. Mrs Tibit from over the road had called the policemen and they had come and taken daddy away, and sissy too, although she wouldn’t wake up no matter how much Richie cried.

Richard’s mind pulled back to the present and he looked at the phantom of his sister and he gave voice to a heart filled cry and began to beat his head on the wall.

The phantom’s hand reached out and touched his shoulder again. The voice was soft and caring. “Richie, you became what you hated the most. Your child and wife needed love, not a hell.”

“Janice, I am so sorry. I thought I was showing them love. How could I have become like him? Not just to them, but to everyone. HELP ME FIX IT, SISSY!!! Please!”

“Richie, in your son is my soul. It was my gift to you, but she needs to become who she really is. Repair the hurt to become a parent.”

With that last comment, before Richard could ask more, the phantom faded and he was left looking at a picture of Jacob at age four when Marcie had dressed him up in a Disney princess costume. He remembered how happy Jacob and Marcie and he had been. It was shortly after that the pressure of work had caused him to turn into his father.
“Damn he really does make a pretty girl!” With that, Richard Simmons decided, and swore to himself he would do what he could to repair his marriage and to support his child in becoming who she really was.

“And heck, girls play softball too.” He laughed, the first time he had laughed in a good while.

part 4 - Richard starts building the bridges and the truth will out

post script to part 3

I know have only just brushed past what was happening with Richard but I was not going to go into details. Just wanted to give an outline to the possibility of why the circle can continue

hugs allie elle