What if history was different?

We Shall Fight On The Beaches...

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This story was originally written in 2011. For various reasons I stopped writing it before it had been completed. Several people have asked if I would continue the story and I’m now in the position to be able to do so.

I’ve taken the opportunity to do a rewrite and an extensive edit and I hope that you enjoy reading it. I hope to be able to put up new chapters once a week, real life permitting, of course!

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Chapter 1

By Susan Brown

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We had been in the shelter for three hours. It was cold, dark and two o'clock in the morning. The noise was deafening and every few moments the shelter shook slightly and more dust got dislodged, making us cough and covering our clothes in a fine grey dust.

We shouldn't have been there, in London I mean. Six months before, we had been sent to the country– evacuated, to get as far as possible from the bombing raids. We had been sent to live on a farm, because it was considered safer than London.

I will never forget leaving Mum on the platform. We were all crying and both my sister and I found it hard to leave her. Apart from our Nan who lived down in Cornwall and who we had not seen in ages, Mum was the only family we had and it nearly broke our hearts to be wrenched away from her. We weren’t the only ones upset and there wasn’t a dry eye anywhere. Looking out of the carriage window, we waved and waved as the train gathered speed and then suddenly, she disappeared, the smoke finally obliterating the view of her and the other frantic parents letting their children go to the safely of faraway places, away from the fear of bombs.

We were lodged with a farmer and his wife in the farmhouse. It wasn’t a happy time for us, as it was plain to see that we were only there on sufferance. From the start, we were ill-used by the spiteful farmer and his nasty shrew of a wife as little farm labourers. There wasn't much food and not much sleep to be had there and we were worked hard from before dawn to after dusk. The farm workers that had been employed on the farm had all been drafted. Farming was once a reserved occupation, but not any longer as more and more men were called up. We were expected to do the work of adults and we were only children.

Sally, who was aged 11 and me a couple of years older at 13, detested the place and the people. We were shown no love and we just wanted to be back home in London with our mum.

The farmer and his wife never showed us any signs of affection and we yearned more and more to go home to the streets of London where everyone knew us and there were plenty of friendly faces.

But home was not so safe, as back there we had been in danger on a daily basis from the bombs and the terrifying doodlebugs. London and other big cities had been targeted by the German war machine and Herr Hitler wanted to bring us to our knees. We had lost friends and relatives in the blitz, as had most other people, but there was a spirit of strength and togetherness that seemed to help us through, no matter what horrors were exacted on us. But Mum had decided that it was no longer safe for us to be in London and so we were packed off to the country where we were supposed to be safe and well looked after.

That was the idea, anyway. In truth there was there was none of the love, affection and comradeship we had both experienced in our short lives living in London.

On the farm, we did our best to be good and work hard. Even though I was now a teenager (just), I wasn’t very big or strong.

‘Weedy and useless,’ said the farmer’s wife on more than one occasion with a sneer.

Eventually though, we had had enough. We were continually hungry and constantly tired and could scarcely get out of bed most mornings through lack of sleep. I was battered and bruised through mistreatment and Sally was suffering similarly.

That final morning, the farmer belted me, not for the first time, for not working hard enough. To this day, I have a scar on my backside from the wound he left. Sally regularly got smacked too for being a ‘lazy good for nothing girl,’ as the farmer liked to put it.

Later, at the dead of night, with what little things we possessed, we stole out of the farmhouse and then made our way by moonlight along the farm track that led to the road. We were in luck, as a passing lorry was going our way; we were able to hitch a lift to the station. I don’t know why the driver, who was a nice man who smoked a pipe, didn’t ask what we were doing out at that time, I’ll never know, but we were truly grateful for his kindness.

We had no money, so when the late train stopped at the station, we sneaked on it while the guard wasn’t looking and hid in the toilet.

People tried to use the toilet on the journey, but I jammed my foot in the door and we somehow managed to get away with it. We were lucky not being caught out.

When we reached Kings Cross, there were so many people about, it was easy to get past the ticket collector and then we proceeded to walk home. It took two hours to reach home and even in the short time we had been away, we could see that the number of damaged buildings had increased and many roads and areas were now impassable. Fire engines and ambulances were everywhere but they were hindered by the impassable state of some of the roads. I tried hard to remember when things were not all shot to hell and London was a place without bombed out buildings and for a child, a fun place to live. It seemed like all this destruction, pain and heartache had gone on forever.

Looking at the haunted, tired faces of the people still around, brought home the horrors of war that everyone there were daily encountering. It wasn’t only the armed forces that suffered. Ordinary men, who couldn’t fight, women, together with the children who had not been sent away, all lived with the nightmare of continual attacks from the sky. It was an unrelenting onslaught and sapped the strength and energy of the people as they tried to cope with all that was happening.

It was nearly dawn when we arrived, cold, hungry, dirty at our oh so familiar front door. Mum couldn’t believe it when she saw us, but after showing her the farmers’ handiwork, she was so angry that she threatened to go and do unspeakable things to him and his shrewish wife. She tried to find alternative arrangements for us, but lines of communication were breaking down and the authorities were at full stretch, trying to cope with the shortages of food in particular and the now daily and nightly bombing of the capital and many other towns and cities.

Within a few weeks, things went from bad to worse, if that was possible, as attacks on cities, towns and ports increased to such an extent that there was never a day or night when we didn't have to huddle away in the damp, dirty Anderson shelter or deep in the underground station to try to stay away from danger.

Rumours flew around that we were losing the war and that the Germans were amassing over the water in France with a huge army that would come across on a fleet of ships and overrun us. The powers that be tried to quash the wild speculation with limited success. Those soldiers, sailors and airmen that came back on leave due to injury, all said the same thing; that we were having a hard time of it and that Germany and her allies seemed to be winning on all fronts.

Mum was now desperate to get us away from London again, as the bombings, if anything, seemed to increase to an alarming degree, with vast areas of the capital laid waste from the almost constant bombardment. She was met with shakes of the head as it appeared that there were no resources available to move us, and anyway, much of the rail system and infrastructure had been badly damaged.

It was just us now at home, as our dad had died very early in the war at the disaster that was Dunkirk. Mum took our loss hard and so did we. Sally my kid sister was very quiet now. She used to be such a happy kid and me? Well I was, I supposed, the man of the house; only I didn't feel much of a man–just the opposite in fact, but more of that later.

So there I was with my mum and Sally in the damp Anderson shelter waiting for the bombs to stop and the all clear to come. Sleep was impossible, as we could hear the drones of the engines on the German bombers all around us. The bombs were dropping everywhere and I could hear the sounds of the anti-aircraft guns popping and banging in the distance.

The strange thing was that we were all beyond being overly frightened. We had lived in that hell for such a long time that we had, if anything, gotten used to the constant bombardment. It was only when the shells came very close that our hearts came into our mouths and we cowed in fear.

I scratched my scalp; my hair felt gritty and dirty. It needed cutting according to Mum, but there were no hairdressers about now. Mum had threatened me with a basin cut, but we didn't have one big enough that hadn't been broken. To be honest, I liked my hair a bit longer and would have been upset to have it cut.

I tried to read my book by the light of a guttering candle. My face was close to the rust-streaked and damp corrugated iron wall, as I lay fully clothed on the shelf that more often than not, was now my usual bed.

We had gotten used to the smell and stench of war–the burning smells, smoke, cordite and other odours that we never talked about but were ever present.

Mum tried hard to cope but what with rationing and a general lack of food generally; times were very hard for everyone.

It was 1943 and we had been at war since 1939. Germany had overtaken the whole of Europe except Britain. Only months before Russia had surrendered to Hitler and the United States of America had decided not to enter the war after Japan's abortive attempts at attacking Pearl Harbour had resulted in the Emperor's suicide and his successor’s inglorious surrender.

Italy was Germany's ally and after Mussolini's assassination by his own guards, Germany took control over Italy almost overnight and incorporated the Italian armed forces into theirs.

So it was us against them now and we were losing.

America helped somewhat by sending supplies by sea but only using our shipping. U-boats sank over half the ships used to bring the vital supplies to us and we were fast running out of ships now. Our navy had all but been eliminated by the huge German Fleet which included the awesome Bismarck and Tirpitz, and of course, the ever present U-boats.

I was brought out of my reverie by the sound of the all clear. I put down the Biggles book that I had been holding for some reason–I hadn't been able to read it by the guttering candle light and anyway, you try reading while bombs were falling all around you!

'Let’s get back in the house,' said Mum tiredly. Even I could see the rings under her eyes. She didn’t look well–not surprising really.

She went over to Sally who had amazingly been asleep despite all the noise and gently woke her up.

We never bothered wearing night clothes in the Anderson shelter, it was considered better to stay dressed rather than wear thin pyjamas or night-dresses. Wellington boots were the usual footwear as, more often than not, the floors and the path outside were wet and muddy.

Sally looked really tired as Mum woke her up. How she was able to sleep through that racket I never knew. I wasn't feeling much better myself as, unlike my sister, I never slept through all the noise outside.

I followed Mum and Sally out of the shelter up the steps along the path to the house. As I reached the top I realised that I had left my Biggles book back at the shelter.

‘Mum I won't be long I'm just going to get my book.’

Mum looked back to me and smiled.

‘You and your books–never mind; be quick and then I'll make us something to eat. Come on Sally.’

Mum walked on with a still sleepy Sally, holding her hand as they proceeded up to the house. I took one last look at them and then turned back and went to the shelter. It was quite noisy, what with fire engines and ambulances in the street and the sound of anti-aircraft guns in the distance.

There were red glows in the sky from almost all directions. The sky was pierced by the searchlights and I coughed as the smoke was getting into my chest and making me a bit wheezy.

I walked down the steps of the Anderson Shelter and went inside. A guttering candle was still lit and I quickly went over to my book and picked it up.

Then all hell broke loose.

I heard nothing, but suddenly felt a tremendous heated pressure on the whole of my body and I was knocked over as if I had been struck by a train. I hit my head hard and must have blacked out.

I awoke some time later. It was fairly dark and my head hurt so badly that I wanted to scream. Feeling the back of my head, I felt a warm stickiness and a huge painful lump. I was sick then and must have got some of the stuff on my clothes as they felt wet and sticky and the smell wasn’t that great either.

I felt my way out, but couldn’t see a thing, as the candle had obviously been blown out. Feeling my way across the curved, corrugated iron wall, I reached the end and then felt for the door; it was still there and seemed jammed. I think that the door had taken a lot of the shock wave or whatever it was and that may have saved my life. My head was throbbing so hard, I wanted to lie down, but something kept me going and I pushed at the door with all my might. It was funny I couldn’t hear much. Everything sounded muffled and my ears hurt.

I shook my head to clear it and then carried on pushing at the door. Eventually, it gave way and crashed out, but all I could hear was a muffled bump.

It was cold outside and the sky was clear. Thousands of stars were in the sky and I could see the searchlights in the distance searching the skies. Flashes of light were over to my left where it was obvious that somewhere else was getting a pounding. I shivered and then looked up the garden at the house.

Only the house wasn’t there.

Well it was there, but it was just a tangled heap of rubble. One wall was still standing and I could see that it was my bedroom wall with the chimney still attached. It looked strange, my wallpaper was on the wall and even the picture of a Spitfire was still hanging drunkenly on the wall where I had put it last week...

Mum and Sally!

I cried out and then went forward over lumps of masonry, timber, slates and broken furniture. As I got nearer I wondered about Mum and Sally. Surely they weren’t...

Suddenly, nn ARP warden caught my sleeve and said something that I couldn’t quite hear.

I pointed at my ears and shook my head–that hurt.

‘What?’ I said struggling to hear him. It was like someone had stuffed my ears with cotton wool.

I think that he understood and brought his face up close to me and then said, ‘’ere lad; don’t you be goin’ in there.’

‘My mum and sister?’ I choked.

He shook his head.

‘No signs of life, kid. It might be days before we dig this lot out. It was a bloody doodlebug. Got any relatives?’

‘What?’ I said distractedly, still trying to take in the fact that my only family were dead under the rubble.

‘Have you got anyone that can look after you?’

‘No, only my Gran, and she lives miles away’ I replied.

‘Right, go along to the church hall, they’ll sort you out. I can’t leave ‘ere, too much to do. Sorry about your loss.’ he added, looking sad.

I just nodded and after one final look at my home–or what was left of it, I left.

I was in shock. I felt numb and unable to take in what had happened. I felt sick still and my head ached terribly. I should have gone to the hospital or something, if there was still one left standing. I should have at least gone to the church hall, but I was confused and didn’t really know what I was doing.

I wandered down the street, noting that several houses had been knocked flat. I knew people that lived there. I hoped that they weren’t in any of the houses when it happened.

There were several craters in the street that I somehow managed to walk around. There was a smell of gas and a water pipe had burst, making the road treacherous and slippery under foot. Lots of people were milling about, but they were members of the rescue services and I don’t even think that they noticed me or wondered why a dazed boy was drunkenly walking past.

The sweet shop on the corner was ablaze. I used to get my gob-stoppers there and a half ounce of Old Holborn tobacco and a packet of Rizlas for my dad when he was around. The people that ran the shop were a nice family and I wondered vaguely whether they survived–they had baby twins...

I walked for what seemed ages. It was still night time, but dawn was approaching in the eastern sky. It was September now and quite cold in the mornings. Usually I had my balaclava on, but that was in the Anderson and I wasn’t going back there for it.

Eventually I found myself in the High Street. It had been bombed a few nights back and many of the shops were in ruin. It was quieter here with only a few people about. A policeman came up and looked down at me and said something.

I shook my head.

‘I said, what you are doing here?’ he appeared to be shouting and I just about heard him.

‘Don’t know.’

‘Get off home then,’

‘All right,’ I said and turned away.

I think that the policeman was going to say something else, but was distracted, and I just walked on.

It was quite dark there, even though the sky was gradually getting lighter. I was tired, sore and didn’t want to walk any further. I sat down against the remains of a brick wall and leaned back. Suddenly and without warning, the wall gave way and I fell backwards. I seemed to fly through the air and then drop down somehow. The breath was knocked out of me as I landed on hard ground and I hit my head yet again...

I don’t know how long I was unconscious, but when I woke up it was light outside. I could tell that, as I could see around me, all be it a bit dimly. I was still confused but not quite as bad. It was if I had woken up from a deep sleep. The light, such as it was, came through cracks in the ceiling above me. It took a few moments to realise that I was in some sort of a shop. I stood up and swayed a bit, feeling quite weak. Next to me was a heap of rubble. Looking up, I saw where I had somehow dropped from, it was a big drop and I was amazed that I hadn’t broken my neck. It was funny, the shop floor was almost untouched and I realised that I must be in the basement and then I remembered this shop. It was Hepworth's, the department store. I had been here several times with Mum and Sally...

Then I remembered everything and it all came back with a rush. I sat down on a wooden chair by one of the counters. Mum and Sally were dead; the nightmare was real.

I put my hands up to my face and cried. I wanted to see them again. I wanted to tell them that I loved them. It was awful realising that I would never be with them again. It had been a hard life since Dad died and we had been so close.

And now they were gone and I was all alone. Sitting there for a few minutes, I became more aware of the state of me. Feeling the back of my head, I could still feel the lump through my hair together with dried blood and another smaller bump a few inches to the left, probably the result of the second bang on my noggin. My ears kept popping as I swallowed but I could hear more now–not that there was much to hear except the dripping of water from somewhere and a few bird noises from outside.

I remembered having a look at the devastation of the High Street a few days before. There had been rubble everywhere. Luckily, the two doodlebugs that hit the area did so at night and as far as I knew, no one had been hurt, or not seriously anyway, just a few broken bones. The whole area had been cordoned off as the firemen said that everything was unstable and what was left standing could fall down with a puff of wind. Well I had fallen down, so that was true enough!

I took stock of my situation. Looking down, I could see that my clothes were in a complete mess. My shorts were ripped at the back, my shirt was filthy and covered in blood and my cardigan was tatty to say the least, with traces of blood and smelly sick on the front where I had heaved up my stomach. In the dim light, I saw a full length mirror in the corner and went over to it. I was in the women and girls clothes section. The men and boys department, I knew was upstairs, or had been when there was an upstairs to speak of.

Looking at myself in the mirror sort of confirmed what I knew–I wasn’t a pretty sight!

Over in the corner was a door marked ‘Toilets’ and I went over and walked in–there were two doors, one the Ladies and the other, the Gents. I went into the Gents and used the toilet. The water in the tap didn’t work–no surprise there, so I cleaned myself as best I could using a shallow puddle on the floor, spit, elbow grease and the roller towel. It wasn’t perfect but in the end I looked a bit cleaner.

I couldn’t say the same for my clothes, they were a complete mess.

I left the toilets and went to have a look around. I was hungry and thirsty and I knew that over the other side of the shop was a tea shop cum restaurant. It amazed me that there was so little damage down there. Yes there was dust everywhere and the china department didn’t have an un-cracked plate. Also, some of the high windows had blown in and that was why I could hear noises outside, but other than that, in the main, the whole basement had gotten off lightly.

It was strange being there all by myself when previously the place had been packed. We had come to get Sally some clothes and I had to wait outside the changing room while Mum helped Sally try some clothes on. Whilst waiting for them, I had felt a bit uncomfortable.

I would have done anything to do the same thing again, knowing that they were alive, but they were dead. But they were gone now and I had to look after myself and mourn when I had the time.

This is my journal and it’s for my eyes only, so I suppose that it’s all right to put it all in here including my secrets.

Since I was very young I hadn’t been happy. It wasn’t that I was very unhappy, but I always knew I was different. You see I am a girl. Not on the outside, but inside. I had a willy and evidently that made me a boy. I tried to explain to my parents, but it always came back to that–boys had willies and girls didn’t–end of argument. As I grew up, I longed to play with the girls in the street but was told in no uncertain terms by one and all that boys played with boys and girls played with girls.

Then there were the clothes. Girls wore soft pretty dresses–well they did if they had enough ration points and didn’t have to rely on hand-me-downs; boys wore scratchy shorts and shirts with collars which rubbed the neck, especially when you had to wear ties.

I longed to wear dresses, look pretty and be a girl. I yearned to play with the other girls with their prams, dolls and dolls houses. Instead I had to play rough boys games which I wasn’t any good at anyway.

Eventually, I never went out to play and just preferred to read books. I loved adventure and school type stories though, especially ones with girls in them. The only boy type books that I ever liked were Biggles ones, I just wished that there were more girls in them!

All this wasn’t getting me anywhere. I looked over at the girl's clothes department and wanted to go there and change into something pretty but I had had it drummed into me time and again that I wasn’t a girl and it was wrong, bad and somehow evil to try to be one.

Sighing a bit about the unfairness of everything and feeling hungry and thirsty, I went over to the tea shop and after looking around behind a counter I found several bottles of lemonade and cream soda. Also there were a few tins of food like bully beef and baked beans in the kitchen and after finding a can opener, I was soon scooping out the food and washing it down with cream soda–my favourite.

I was lucky that the sickness had gone and that I was able to eat something without bringing it up. Soon I was full and taking a bottle of lemonade, I went back out into the shop. My ears popped again as I took a swig of lemonade and my ears cleared even more, so that was good a good sign.

There were several departments down here. Apart from the ladies and girls department, there was the china and kitchen department, the luggage and the toy department and finally the electrical goods department, which had things like irons and other household things. Also it had a section devoted to entertainment with record players with lots of records stacked on shelves and several radios. None of the things would work as there was no electricity–that was until I noticed one radio on a pedestal with a notice saying that it ran on batteries. It was called a Vidor CN351 Riviera. It cost  £13 7s 9d–very expensive.

I had nothing better to do, so I switched it on, not really thinking that it would work, but after a few moments, it lit up and then there was a hiss coming from the speaker. I twiddled about with the large central knob which moved the needle across the dial and then, suddenly, quite clearly I could hear someone speaking in English.

“This is the BBC Home Service with a special bulletin, Richard Dimbleby reporting. The date is the 13th of August and the time 3.00pm.”

The thirteenth, I had been out of it for three days!

“It is with a heavy heart that I have to inform you that due to the terrible bombings and the complete destruction of Aberdeen and Newcastle Upon Tyne two days ago by the Germans using a new terrible device called an atom bomb, the unconditional surrender of the British Forces took place at twelve, mid-day yesterday,

“Threats had been made by Herr Hitler that London, Birmingham and Manchester would be bombed in a similar manner unless we surrendered. Due to the horrendous loss of life caused by these horrific bombs and the prospect of even greater losses, it was decided that we would have no alternative but to lay down our arms.

“The Germans had been massing on the other side of the channel for days before the bombings of Aberdeen and Newcastle and we could do little to stop them due to the fact that our air force had been all but destroyed over the last six weeks and much of what remained of our fleet was either out of place or unable to assist due to shortages of fuel and ammunition.

“The German Forces have now control of much of the country. The BBC has this emergency service operating at a secret location and I and my colleagues will try to keep you up to date with developments while we can. We may not be able to broadcast on a regular basis, because we will not be staying in one place for any length of time and we fear that some of our broadcasts may be jammed.

“On a positive note, there are pockets of resistance in many places and we believe that we can overcome the tyranny of Hitler and his thugs if we persevere and trust in God. The Royal Family are safe and believed to be in either in Canada or en route. They wanted to stay, but realised that if they were captured, it would be tremendous propaganda for the Germans. Many members of the Cabinet including Mr Churchill perished in the V2 rocket attacks on Downing Street three days ago and an interim resistance committee is, as I speak, being set up in another part of the country.

“We recommend that you do nothing that can cause you or your family harm and agree to the wishes of the new German led Military Administration unless, and I stress, unless it means that you or your loved ones are likely to be targeted in any way. Already, we have had announcements from the newly appointed administration that all boys and men between the ages of 12 and 60 are to report to the nearest police station for work assignments and possible call up to the German armed forces under the control of General Walther Model. Girls and women are not being asked to do anything as yet and we hope that they will not be involved in this, but sources close to the administration have stated that inevitably, females will be put to work for the good of The Third Reich and will be expected to do whatever is required of them."

I found this all hard to believe. It was all too much to take in and my head began to throb painfully again.

“We advise that it would be best if you can find a place of hiding if you can, but if the authorities come for you, do not resist, as there have been reports of beatings and summary executions already. These are dark times and we hope and pray that we can win through. We will try to keep you informed of developments as and when we can. God speed–we will not be beaten.”

There was a click and then a hiss. I switched the radio off and sat down on the polished wood floor.

My mind was numb and it took a long time for what I had heard to sink in. We had lost the war and the Prime Minister and most of the cabinet were dead. The Royal Family had fled the country. The Germans were victorious. It was all too much. Everyone had said that Britain would never fall. We won the war in the air early on, but then Germany bounced back and had a series of victories, but even though we had so many setbacks, I think we all believed that somehow we would be victorious in the end.

And what about me–what would become of me? I was just 13 and would be taken away and used for who knows what by the filthy Germans. They had killed my family and now they had a stranglehold on my country. What did Richard Dimbleby say–something about pockets of resistance? I wanted to do my bit. I had to for the sake of my dead family. I would fight them–what did Churchill say about fighting?

We shall fight on the beaches,
we shall fight on the landing grounds,
we shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
we shall fight in the hills;
we shall never surrender,

Well we had surrendered, but while there were those that would still fight on, then we may have lost the battle, but not the war.

My positive thoughts buoyed me up for a while, but recalling all that had happened in such a short space of time brought me back down to Earth again.

I had to think about what I should do. I went and had another bottle of cream soda and found a rather hard loaf of bread. Cutting it in two with a bread knife, I found that the middle bit wasn’t too hard, so I ate it. I had no idea when my next meal would come so I had to eat what I could, when I could.

I was quite weepy and in my mind’s eye I could see the smiling faces of my dear mum and Sally. Sally had always looked up to me and I did all I could to protect her and now both Mum and she were dead. I hoped that they were both with Dad in Heaven.

What could I do– what should I do?

In the back of my mind, I think I knew what I was going to do. But putting it in practice was hard, very hard. I was going to dress as a girl. If I went out looking like a boy, I would be picked up by the authorities and sent somewhere unpleasant. I had heard of the concentration camps in Europe. I was a weedy specimen for a boy and it wouldn't surprise me if kids like me and also the old and infirm would be put in one of those awful camps, never to come out alive.

Being a girl would at least give me some chance of getting out of this mess in one piece.

I reasoned that I would have to dress as a girl. The fact that I was already one inside me and always had been, was a bonus and just about the only one of those in this mad situation. My only hope was that I would pass as a girl and not just a boy in a dress.

At least I was in a place where I could choose the right clothes. But first, before I changed, I would have to find a way out. I tried all the doors and exits, but they were all blocked by bricks and other rubble. Eventually I found a fire exit that seemed to be clear and after a push and a shove, I managed to open the door enough for me to squeeze through.

There was a lot of debris on the stairs and I pushed it all out of the way; luckily nothing was too heavy. At the top, I could see daylight and when I reached there, I could see outside. The door had partially fallen in and I was lucky that I was so thin, as I was pretty sure that I could get through to the street outside. I left it at that and then made my way back down to the basement. I needed to clean myself up again before dressing in clean clothes.

This time I went to the Ladies Department, and was lucky, as there was actually a vase with wilting flowers in there that had miraculously escaped being smashed in the bombings. More importantly, the vase had some water in it and I could use that to make myself clean again.

How I wished to be able to use the tin bath kept on the outside wall at home... but that wasn’t there any more, it was in the pile of rubble that used to be my home. I wondered if they had been able to dig out Mum and Sally’s bodies yet?

For a few minutes, I gave in and cried my eyes out. Somehow, it helped, as the pressure of the grief that had been building up in me seemed to leave me a bit.

I pulled myself together and decided to stop being such a ninny and get on with things. So I stripped myself naked, leaving my filthy boys clothes on the floor, and shivering slightly, I had a wash.

When I was satisfied with my cleanliness, I left the Ladies and walked over to the girl's department. I shivered some more, as it was none too warm there, but ‘needs must,’ as mum used to say. Looking at my bruised, battered and still slightly grubby body, I wondered when I would ever feel really clean again.

I took a deep breath and went over to the units where the underclothes were and pulled a couple of drawers open.

I paused for a moment, wondering, with the clothes ration, how many points would I have to use up to get myself fully kitted out. Then I smiled ruefully, realising that all that ration nonsense was out of the window now.

I was used to wearing cast offs. The whole of our street used to regularly have clothes swaps to save on points. The clothes that I had been wearing today had been worn by other boys before they grew too tall for them.

Now I had the chance of wearing new clothes, and girls’ ones at that!

All right, the choice wasn’t great–the war caused that, but at least I would be able to wear something reasonably pretty.

I found a pair of white cotton knickers that fitted me and then a vest slip and a blue dress with a Peter Pan collar with buttons up the back that were a bit of a struggle to do up, but I managed somehow. I pulled on a dark blue cardigan and did up the buttons. White socks and black patent leather shoes were found in another section and finally I was dressed. I found a coat, brown and calf length and I put it aside to take with me.

There was a small set of brushes in a leather zip up case in the ladies section and I used one of the smaller brushes to tidy up my hair. I winced as I brushed over the tender bits on the back of my head, but managed to part my hair in the middle and put it in some sort of feminine shape. Looking in the mirror, I could see that my hair was a bit short, but lots of girls had their hair short now, so I didn’t think that it looked too bad. It was a sort of a bob style. My hair needed a wash, but, for now it would have to do.

Then I stepped back a bit and had a good look at my reflection. I was looking at a girl, not a boy. Not an outstandingly pretty girl, but one that looked normal. I thought that I would pass muster, and that was the main thing. I wondered what my mum and dad would think with me looking like this. I think that Sally wouldn’t mind, she always said that she wanted a sister.

I was getting a bit tearful again, so I abruptly turned away, my skirt and slip swishing around my legs in a way that distracted me for a moment and then went to the luggage department and picked out a small case. After picking out a suitable one, I went back to the girls department and picked out a few dresses, blouses and skirts, another cardigan, some underwear, stockings and socks and a few girls nightdresses and a pair of slippers. I jammed them all into the case and added the hair brushes, before sitting on it and closing the catches.

Then I found a bag and put a few bottles of drink and cans of bully beef and baked beans in it, not forgetting the all important can opener. I was all set now. I realised that I couldn’t stay there. I would try to get away in the confusion and make my way to Gran’s. She hadn’t been very well, according to her infrequent letters, which was why we had been evacuated rather than go to her. She lived a fair distance away in Cornwall. I decided there and then that I would somehow get to her and then see what I could do to help her and get my own back on the hateful Germans.

After a final look around and one more glance at the mirror and picking up the coat, case and bag, I made my way over to the far side and with some difficulty as I didn’t want to dirty my new clothes, I made my way out of Hepworth’s.

I blinked as I went outside. The sun was strong and it was relatively warm. There was a slight breeze and my dress flapped a bit–it was a strange but not unpleasant sensation. It was as if I was in a ghost town. No-one was about and I had the wrecked, torn and battered High Street to myself. Well, I couldn’t stand there all day, so avoiding the puddles, craters, and remains of the building I purposefully walked along the High Street and away from the damaged area.

I could hear the drone of aircraft engines and looking up, I could see quite clearly some German fighters and bombers crossing the skies. I wasn’t afraid of being bombed. What was the point, they had the country beaten now, or so they thought. Only time would tell if we could defeat them against great odds. I would do my best to help the cause and show them that Britain would not lie down and give in. I was only thirteen, but I don’t think that I lacked gumption.

I turned the corner and stopped abruptly.

In front of me, in the middle of the road was a large tank. Its turret slowly turned towards me and I was staring down the barrel of a huge gun and wishing that I was anywhere but there.

To be continued...

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Painting: The Spirit of London During the Blitz by Nettie Moon, 1979

Please leave comments and do the kudo-thingie...thanks! ~Sue

...given the chance, we would do our bit to rid ourselves of the unwanted occupiers of our lovely country...


We Shall Fight On The Beaches...

Chapter 11

By Susan Brown

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This is an incomplete story that I have always meant to finish but never got around to it. I do not like to leave a story like that so I have, at long last, finished it. I will be publishing the rest of the story over the next few weeks. Thanks for your patience.

Previously...

He looked at me, stood up and smiled sadly.

‘I do not know why I have told you all this, but thank you for listening. I have to go; I am on duty and the Feldwebel will have my guts if I do not do my patrol as I should. Auf Wiedersehen Fraulein.’

With that, he walked off around the corner.

I never saw him again.

It left me wondering why he had chosen me of all people to talk about the things that were worrying him. I supposed that he could not talk of such things to fellow soldiers in case someone blabbed and told his superiors.

So, all was not well among the Germans. That was good, but I felt so sorry for the boy, he may be a soldier who could if ordered, kill others, but he was still just a scared boy. It reminded me that there were what I called normal, I might say decent people on both sides.

And now the story continues…

There was just a small detachment of soldiers in our village and we rarely saw officers. The shocking case of the girl and her family in Looe all made us feel that we could not, at present, do much damage to the enemy. That didn’t mean that we were in any way happy with the situation and I knew for a fact that given the chance, we would do our bit to rid ourselves of the unwanted occupiers of our lovely country.

Whenever I was out, I looked to the skies for our Hurricanes and Spitfires, but after the one that I saw a while ago when fighting two enemy planes over the sea, there was nothing except German planes, which we saw occasionally. Being so far down the country meant that we were in somewhat of a backwater.

I hated to think what it was like in places like London and Manchester. What information we did have was grim, to say the least. The anti-Semitic nature of the Nazis meant that many Jews were rounded up and placed in camps. This was also the case for those poor people with disabilities, mental and physical. Rumour had it that many of these people were killed and that included women and children. As for the places where the atomic bombs had been dropped. I couldn’t imagine what it was like in those heavily populated areas.

We felt so frustrated and guilty that we could do nothing about all the atrocities, but we were powerless, at that moment.

We were sitting at the kitchen table on a Monday evening when Nan looked at us. I think she could tell that resentment against the enemy was getting to us all. We rarely laughed now.

Nan said, ‘We must be patient. One day we will get our own back. Until then, we hold our tongues and do not give rise to any possible reprisals. We want to lull them into a false sense of security. I won’t tell you much about it, because the less you know the better, but we now have access to the wider resistance and things are afoot.’

‘What’s a foot got to do with it Auntie?’ asked Helen.

We all laughed as Nan explained.

‘It means that there are plans about what is going to happen.’

‘Then why didn’t you say so!’ she replied huffily.

‘Anyway girls,’ continued Nan, ‘I can now tell you that there is a coordinated resistance through Great Britain and there is, at last, more secure wireless communication available. Some of our boffins have been able to jam the Germans from tracking our radios and transmitters and are using frequencies that the Germans somehow cannot trace. I’m not sure of the technicalities but it seems to work at the moment. Soon we will get more information about what is going on locally and nationally, but we have to be patient.’

“I just want to kill the Nazis,’ said Claire suddenly and then burst into tears and left the room.

‘I’ll go after her,’ said Alison, getting up from the table.

That sort of ended our impromptu meeting and I just went outside for a breath of fresh air. It was getting quite cold outside now winter was approaching and I was wearing a cardigan over my blouse. I stood by the harbour wall, holding my skirt down in the wind and looked out to sea. There were a few ships out there, but it was a bit misty and I couldn’t make out whether they were warships or merchants.

I could hear the chiming sounds of the rigging in the boats of the harbour caused by the wind. It was a nice almost comforting sound.

I scratched my left breast absentmindedly. It was itchy. I was glad to say that I was slowly developing my breasts now. They weren’t large, little more than bumps really, but I was so pleased that, at last, the pills were beginning to work. I had also noticed that I was getting a bit shapelier in my body and my bottom appeared to be a bit more padded. Ethel said that she had noticed it too, so it must have been true.

Also, I was a bit moody at times and occasionally snapped at my sisters and sometimes cried for no good reason. The doctor said it was normal and that I shouldn’t worry too much about it.

I wondered for some reason about the German soldier I met a while back up on the headland. I hadn’t seen him again. I supposed that he had been sent somewhere else. Strangely, I meant him well. He was forced into this war like many others and I hoped that he would come out of it unscathed.

Maybe I should be guilty about feeling like that, but he was human after all. I’m not sure I would feel the same if he killed anyone though.

We were back at school, one afternoon. Mrs Westbury was attempting to teach us the German language. This was one of the subjects that we were forced to learn against our will, but we had no choice in the matter. I think that Mrs Westbury did not want to do this either as she was normally the English teacher but her late husband was German who died after the Great War. She was therefore almost fluent in German.

The door of the class opened suddenly and Albert Roberts, the school secretary came in. He looked around suspiciously.

‘What do you want Albert?’ Asked Mrs Westbury rather testily.

‘Just checking up on what you are teaching.’

‘It’s none of your business Albert, you are merely the secretary, but it’s German.’

‘Ah good. I have been asked by our liberators about…’

‘Liberators?’

He looked at her.

‘Yes, liberators. Things are much better now that we are under the protection of the Third Reich…’

I could see some danger in this as there were mumblings around the room, Mrs Westbury looked livid and she snapped the chalk in her hand without noticing it. Alison looked like she was going to say something stupid.

I had to do something. It could turn ugly very quickly.

‘Mister Roberts?’

He turned to me looking a bit annoyed.

‘Yes, what is it girl?’

‘How is your dog Kurt?’

‘Erm what?’

‘I heard that he was not well.’

‘He is fine now. Erm right, I haven’t time for idle talk. Keep working hard and you will be a credit to us all. Heil Himmler!’

He saluted using the hated gesture.

We sort of waved back at him. There was no way that we would do that salute properly!

With that, he nodded and left us.

‘Prat,’ whispered Mrs Westbury to herself. Of course, we all heard and laughed.

‘You never heard that, did you children?’

‘No teacher,’ we said in unison.

I often wondered what had happened to the men and boys from the area who had been spirited away to the warren of tin mines to escape the enemy. I did know that they were being moved regularly to prevent capture.

I asked Nan about this.

‘Don’t ask where they are Carol. All I can say is that they aren’t in Cornwall anymore.’

‘Oh, they’ve gone, are they safe?’

‘As far as I am aware, for the moment yes. You must understand that I am keeping you away from any knowledge of these things because, if the worst happens, what you don’t know, you can’t tell.’

I understood this but me and my sisters were getting a bit fed up with not knowing what was going on. I knew that Nan was part of the resistant movement and we were unhappy that we were not more involved. We might be young, but after all we had been through we thought that we had a right to be more involved.

Alison, who was acknowledged to be the most hot-headed of us all continually complained about this. Given the chance, she would grab a machine gun and kill everyone in a German uniform. It was only the fact that we had heard of terrible reprisals meted out on anyone seen to be enemies of the state, that kept her from doing something stupid.

We all wanted to do something, anything to get our own back on the enemy and cause them as much harm as possible but we knew that our hands were tied at that moment. We all prayed for the day when we could get our own back. We had all suffered from the war and German occupation. Only time would tell if and when we could get our own back.

I often thought of my mother and sister. I loved them so much and their death left a void in my life that would never be filled. I wondered and hoped that they would be up in Heaven, wherever that is, with my darling Daddy and that they would somehow look down on me and approve of who I was now – a girl.

Normal life for me was, I suppose on reflection, a bit boring. We went to school, came home, did chores around the house, and all the other mundane normal things families carried out. But things weren’t really normal. We were not allowed to travel, even to Looe. We had to carry our papers at all times. We were constantly stopped, searched and questioned about our movements. The air of suspicion was palpable and it was obvious that the Germans hated us. The only nice German I encountered was that boy up at my favourite bench up on the headland and he was nowhere to be seen.

There were regular spot searches on all the cottages and houses as our occupiers tried to find incriminating evidence of possible insurrection or civil disobedience.

There was the case of the Russian author, who had lived in Polperro since the end of the Great War. He had a house overlooking the sea. It was a lovely house and I had visited it once with Nan. He was a gentle old man, but still quite spritely. He told us what it had been like in Russia before he moved to England. Anyway, one day, very early in the morning, his house was raided and he was taken away. A radio transmitter was found, together with a powerful telescope. He was accused of crimes against the state.
We had no idea what happened to him and never saw him again. His lovely house was taken over by the German Commandant and his small staff.

Such was life under Nazi occupation.

On a personal note, I had long been accepted by the others that I was a girl. Physically, I was no different from my sisters. I regularly saw the good doctor and she was pleased with my progress. I was happy that I was a girl but so wished that I did not have a penis. This was the one sign that I was not like a normal girl. At first, I was worried that I might be found out. An ongoing nightmare was that I might be arrested by the Germans and be strip searched. Then I realised that a girl like me was apparently unimportant to them. I was young, small and a girl as far as the enemy was concerned and not worth investigating. Such was the attitude of the occupiers. They were much more concerned with adults, especially men. They considered that girls and women were the weaker sex and that was a mistake which I hoped they would regret one day.

By necessity, I began to get to know a bit more about the human body and the differences between boys and girls. I had an interesting if embarrassing conversation with Nan and it was a bit of an eye-opener. I now knew what Mum was trying to get at with the birds and bees conversation we had. I wish she hadn’t beaten about the bush and just told me as it is!

It was soon obvious that there had been problems regarding my testicles. They had not descended and on examination by Dr Arnold, it turned out that they weren’t in my groin or abdomen.

‘Not unheard of, they may have been small and undeveloped or did not have the correct blood supply when in the womb. Short of surgery to try to find them, I have to assume that they are not there. It might explain why you are developing well as a girl, especially your breasts and fat distribution. Having no testicles means that you are not producing much testosterone apart from in your adrenal glands and without getting too technical, that means that the natural oestrogen in your body, together with the pills you have been taking indicates to me why you are developing female characteristics faster than expected.’

‘Is that good?’

‘It wouldn’t be if you wanted to be a boy, but as a girl, I would say that it’s more a good thing than a bad one, although there are certain health conditions that might cause you problems in the future; but we’ll worry about that if or when that might occur. Anyway, I want you to only take your pills once rather than twice a day and we will see how things go.’

I wanted to argue about that. The sooner I was as fully developed as a girl as I could be, the better as far as I was concerned, but the doctor knew what she was doing, so I would do as I was told but keep a very careful eye on my development.

I had a heart-to-heart talk with Ethel and Glad about my breast development and they said the same thing. That all girls wanted their breasts to grow as fast as possible but everyone was different. Ethel boasted that her breasts were one size bigger than her sister's. Glad didn’t like that, but we all had to agree that it was very unfair especially as they were twins and looked like peas in the pod other than that!

I quite often went to what I considered to be my bench around the headland, out of sight of the village. I never saw the young German soldier again and I did wonder what had happened to him and whether he would ever see his home again.

One day, I was sitting there looking at the sea, which was grey, reflecting the sky. Overhead, seagulls were making their normal noises. There was the chug-chug of a trawler engine as the boat approached the little harbour with some of the seagulls finding the catch of some interest. The sea was a bit choppy and I could hear the waves crashing against the rocks down below.

It looked like it might rain and it was colder as of late. I was wearing a pretty sky-blue dress with a slip underneath, necessary as the dress sort of clung to me otherwise, and a royal blue cardigan. Next to me on the bench was my raincoat, just in case. I was in a sheltered spot so the wind wasn’t a problem but judging by the choppy sea, it looked like the weather might take a change for the worse, sooner or later.

I often went off by myself as living with several boisterous, noisy children wasn’t always all that great. I suppose I was the quietest of my sisters. Even Helen, now that she had found her true self, was getting more outgoing and the shy little boy I first knew wasn’t evident in any way shape or form anymore. I was happy for her.

I, on the other hand, was a bit of a navel-gazer, as Nan called me. As I sat there, once again, I wondered what was going on in the world. We were getting tantalising snippets of information from the outside now, but nothing concrete and a lot of it was contradictory. I just didn’t know the truth of things and I tended to ignore all this so-called news. If I had believed everything, the war would soon be over, and America would at last have entered the conflict. Russia would have risen against Germany with the help of China of all countries.

There were so many stories and I just didn’t know what to believe. To have your hopes raised and then shattered was almost too much to bear.

That morning Alison had put my hair in a French plait. It was just long enough and I loved it. Looking down at myself wearing my pretty dress made me wonder what Mum and Sally would think of me now. Would they like me better than when I was John?

I would never know and I got a bit weepy thinking about them and how much I missed them and my Dad.

Dad, he was someone who I loved but saw very little of as I grew up. He was a long distant lorry driver and spent much of his time on the road. Then he joined the army and I saw even less of him. When he was home, I remembered him as a kind gentle man who made me giggle. I loved it when we went to the park and he pushed me and my sister on the swings. He supported the Queens Park Rangers football team and he put me on his shoulders sometimes so that I could see the match better. I wasn’t that interested in football but I loved those times with Dad and I cherished his memory.

I felt a few spots of rain and, sighing I got up and put my raincoat on. I hurried back before the deluge and just managed to get back in time before the heavens opened with accompanying thunder and lightning.

In the hall, I took off my damp raincoat and hung it on my hook by the side of the door. Going into the kitchen I could see that the girls were playing snap loudly.

‘Where’s Nan?’ I asked.

‘Out,’ replied Alison, ‘SNAP!’

I shook my head. Nan was often out doing something or other and she kept those things very close to her chest.

Sighing, I went upstairs to the bedroom and took off my cardigan. Looking out of the window, I could see that the rain had stopped and there was now some blue sky showing in places.

Down below a small patrol was marching down the hill. I noticed, in passing that one of the soldiers was out of step with the others. The corporal would have his garters for garters when he noticed that!

Looking up in the distance I could see what was probably a Junkers Ju 252 or 352, I wasn’t sure as it was still a bit misty. I had made it my business early on to recognise enemy planes as well as our own. I don’t know why but it beat train spotting!

The plane was heading west and I wondered what it was up to, then shrugged. I would never know.

I went over to the mirrored wardrobe and looked at myself and smiled. It was a reflection that I would never get used to. I was seeing a girl, a pretty girl maybe. Not wonderfully beautiful but still, quite pretty. Was I vain? Maybe, but what girl doesn’t like to think of themselves as pretty even if they are not?

I wanted to wear makeup but wasn’t allowed to, nor were my sisters. We were too young evidently and makeup makes you look older according to Nan. We weren’t to draw attention to ourselves. I suppose it made sense, but that didn’t stop us from complaining about it.

I went down to join the others and eventually got lost in a game of Monopoly, which, as usual, I lost. I had no head for business, but I couldn’t be perfect at everything could I?

That night, in bed, I wondered what Nan had been up to that day. When she came home she wouldn’t say anything. She just put her index finger up against the side of her nose, whatever that meant.

I fell asleep eventually.

Something woke me up, I wasn’t sure what it was. I was thirsty.

I got up and padded over to the door, let myself out of the bedroom and quietly went downstairs. I shivered slightly as I was only wearing my rather thin cotton nightdress and was in bare feet; not very warm.

In the kitchen, I fumbled for the light switch and blinked at the brightness when the light came on.

I picked up a glass from the cupboard and went over to the tap to pour myself a glass of water.

I heard engine noises.

Looking up I saw three lorries, army lorries, going past at speed. I had no idea what was going on and hoped that it wasn’t bad news for us. It had been relatively quiet for a while. We had gotten used to the unwelcome occupation and the heavily restricted lives we were now leading. It had become the new normal. The last thing we wanted now was a new set of things to worry us.

After drinking the water and not hearing or seeing anything else going on outside, I yawned and went back to bed. It started to rain again and there was a pitter-patter of rain on the windows. In the distance, I could hear thunder and then saw occasional lightning light up the sky. Bad weather never bothered me much unless I was out in it. I was tired and soon went back to sleep.

I kept waking up. Alison was snoring, but it wasn’t that. Noises were coming from outside. Eventually, I got up and looked out of the window. The others were fast asleep and I wished that I could join them, but somehow, I couldn’t. It wasn’t that unusual to hear noises outside but there were a few shouts and the running boots. There was a lot more activity than usual.

I was sleeping top and tail with Alison on the single bed, so I got up without disturbing her and looked out of the window. There was a lot of activity on the other side of the harbour. I could see lorries with their headlights on and lots of soldiers milling about. I yawned. I had no idea what was going on and nearly went into Nan’s bedroom to ask her opinion as to what was happening but she had had a long day and she badly needed her sleep.

It wasn’t that unusual for the Germans to move about at night, but not in such numbers. Perhaps they just wanted to do things in secret, although, with the noise they made, I don’t think that it would be a very successful way to go about it!

I yawned and suddenly shivered in my thin nightie, deciding that I really should be wearing my dressing gown, and decided to go back to bed in the hope that things would quieten down.

Soon, I was getting back in my warm bed, hoping that my cold feet might warm up quickly. I sighed as Alison was still snoring and dead to the world. I wished that I could be like her! However, after a few minutes, I thankfully fell asleep.

I woke up early, as I often did, and decided to get up quietly and get dressed. I was the only one up and about in the cottage as it was only 6 o’clock. How the others could sleep until 8 o’clock or later, I would never know.

I had left clothes to wear the following morning on a chair and swiftly and quietly I slipped on a pair of my knickers and vest then put on a skirt, slip and blouse. Then I slipped on some nice, warm, long grey woolly socks and finished the look off with a cardigan. Then, after putting on my shoes, I slipped my coat on and after brushing my hair, I placed my red beret over my hair.

I was ready to go.

I slipped out of the bedroom, trying not to make a noise as one of the floorboards tended to creak a bit.

I let myself out of the cottage and as quietly as possible I shut the front door and went down the few steps and into the lane. It was getting close to autumn now and there was morning dew covering everything. I could even see a slight misty cloud as I breathed out.

A few of the trees were dropping their leaves and the sun, just rising looked hazy in the cold air.

The sea was calm and I could see a couple of ships on the horizon. As I walked down the road, I wondered what I would be doing that day. It was Sunday, supposedly a day of rest, but we would be going to church later on and then, who knows. At least we didn’t
have to go to school. I didn’t mind school, but having to learn German and being forced to have false history lessons written by our occupiers was not something I or any of my sisters and friends enjoyed.

All was quiet with only the sound of seagulls breaking the silence.

I frowned.

Something was wrong and I couldn’t put my finger on it. I walked on, passing the butchers and bakers and then further down, the fruit and veg shop. All those shops opened spasmodically due to a lack of stock.

Going along The Coombe, I passed the post office on the left and then The Ship pub on the right. Still nobody about.

Then I stopped.

By now there should have been soldiers milling around. There always was, day and night. There was normally at least one or two soldiers at the junction of Big Grn and The Coombe, but there wasn’t anyone.

I saw someone walking their dog and coming my way. It was Mr Pearce, the school caretaker with Molly, a Labrador who was soppy and as gentle as a lamb.

‘Hello Mr Pearce. Do you know what’s going on?’

He took his pipe out of his mouth and smiled.

‘Hello young Carol. I’ve been trying to work that out myself. I passed the town hall a few minutes ago and I couldn’t see any Germans. The door was open and I peeked in. The place is in a mess with papers strewn around the floor and it looked like it had been vacated in a hurry. Also, the car park at the top of the village is empty.’

‘Empty?’

‘Yes, no German trucks, jeeps or cars.’

‘So, they’ve gone?’

‘It looks like it. I’m going home and then I’ll contact a few people. We need to know what’s going on.’

‘The Germans have gone?’

I must have sounded stupid. He had just told me that and I wanted definite confirmation.

He laughed.

‘Clean out your ears Carol. That’s what I said!’

I went up to him and impulsively kissed him on his stubbly cheek, and then gave Molly a scratch behind the ear.

‘I must tell everyone!’ I shouted, ‘bye!’

He said something laughingly but I didn’t heed him. I just had to tell everyone.

I ran back home faster than I had ever done and breathlessly let myself in.

I skidded to a stop when I saw Nan in the kitchen sipping her inevitable cup of tea.

‘Hey Carol, what’s your hurry? Do you want a cuppa?’

‘Nan!’

‘Are you all right Dear, you look quite flushed and out of breath.’

‘Nan.’

‘I hope that you haven’t said anything silly to the Germans. you know that they don’t have any sense of humour…’

‘NANNY!’

‘No need to shout Dear. I’m sitting right here not down by the harbour…’

‘They’ve gone.’

‘Gone; who’s gone?’

‘The Germans.’

‘Gone where?’

‘I don’t know.’

She had me sit down and then I explained what I had seen and what Mr Pearce had told me.

She looked at me thoughtfully. She didn’t seem at all surprised about this and I wondered how much she had kept from us.

‘Stay here. I need to speak to a few people. Don’t say anything to the other girls. Mind you, knowing them they won’t be up for ages.’

‘Can I come with you?’

She looked at me and hesitated.

‘All right, you deserve that. Let me get my coat on.’

A few minutes later, with the cottage still silent, we let ourselves out and Nan led the way up Talland Hill. It was steep. I had never been so far up. The lane was very narrow and I must admit that I was a bit out of breath after a bit. Nan must have been fitter than me as she showed no signs of exertion as she strode on.

After a while, she turned left. There were several cottages there and she made her way to the end one.

She knocked three times then twice then once.

After a few moments, the door was answered.

A man answered the door. I didn’t recognise him. He was about sixty I would say with thick white hair and was still quite handsome and athletic looking.

‘Hello Rose. I was expecting you, but not this early; and who is this?’

‘My granddaughter, Carol.’

He moved forward and shook my hand.

‘I’m Tom. I've heard of you Carol, of course. Rose can’t stop talking about you. You are very pretty if you don’t mind my saying.’

I felt my face go red. I wondered if he knew everything about me.

‘Hello.’ I replied, shyly.

‘Come in,’ he gestured and stood aside to let us through.

There was a short passage and then I found myself in a bright sitting room with views over the sea.

‘Cup of tea?’ he asked us.

‘Yes please Tom,’ replied Nan.

I was more interested in finding out what was going on but the other two were acting as if nothing was happening and the visit was a social one.

Eventually, we were all sat down and Mr Blake spoke up after a sip of his tea.

‘I imagine this visit is about the Germans leaving?’

‘Yes,’ said Nan, ‘they’ve disappeared.’

‘Well, it’s true. I had confirmation at 6.30 this morning from one of the operations people.’

Nan turned to me.

‘There’s a network of clandestine operators and agents throughout Great Britain.’

‘Don’t ask how we have been in contact,’ said Mr Blake, ‘it’s still top secret. Just take it for granted that we have an information network that the Germans have not been able to crack and this helps us to keep abreast of things.’

‘So have they really gone?’ I asked.

‘Yes; as we speak, the Germans are preparing to sign an armistice and will lay down their arms.’

‘What caused them to give in?’ I asked.

Nan spoke up.

‘There have been whispers about the state of affairs in Germany for some time. I couldn’t tell you about this as I was pledged to secrecy, loose talk costs lives remember? I know a lot more than you regarding all this Carol but was sworn to secrecy. You can tell her if you are able Tom.’

He shrugged.

‘It will be common knowledge soon enough. We had a BBC broadcast yesterday about the state of affairs. The fact that we received the transmission and it wasn’t blocked by the Nazis, is significant.

‘Richard Dimbleby informed us that the BBC had received verified information that just over a week ago, Himmler and most of his trusted High Command in Berlin were killed in an explosion at a meeting, we believe that it was caused by a planted bomb. You would have thought that they would have learnt from the attempt on Hitler a few years earlier. Anyway, it appears that certain German generals had been very unhappy about the state of affairs for some time and had secretly started to support the overthrow of Himmler and his henchmen.

‘Why were the German generals doing this you might ask? It appears that many key senior officers had been removed and summarily executed on the orders of Himmler. He evidently believed that they were plotting against him. Himmler himself was, of course, head of the armed forces and the SS were deemed to be not answerable to anyone other than Himmler and his cohorts and this meant that there was a lot of resentment from the regular forces who did not like the way things were going, especially as their losses in the field were far higher than reported.

‘Also, there had been unexpected incidences of heavy resistance in many occupied countries and this was causing many problems. In addition to this, the SS hierarchy treated the regular army, navy and air force with contempt and there was a great deal of resentment, especially from the regular army. It appears that the SS regiments were a bit shy of fighting and were nowhere near the conflict zones when things got hot.

‘Himmler, who was becoming more and more unstable than before, decided that he wanted to bomb America into submission in a mad attempt to take over more countries, even though, as I say, he had problems with the countries he had already conquered and his forces were becoming increasingly overstretched. He was always worried about America and was getting obsessed with the idea that they might attack at any moment.

‘On advice from his so-called experts and fuelled by his paranoia, he deployed three Messerschmitt Me 264 bombers that had, in secret, been specially adapted for a special long-range mission. The mission was to send those bombers across the Atlantic with a payload of atomic bombs. It would have been a one-way trip, so effectively a suicide mission for the crew. People in the know believed that the targets included Washington and New York.

‘He thought that the bombings would mean that the United States would capitulate and then he could effectively extend the Third Reich even further and tap into the resources of that vast country. Little did he know that America was secretly arming itself for a possible attack and now also had atomic bomb capability. They had been able to deploy it for some time, if and when needed.

‘Here is where it gets very interesting. The Americans had secretly developed an extensive new enhanced radar system and they were able to track and pinpoint the bombers in the mid-Atlantic and beyond. It appears that certain senior officers in the German army were made aware of the bombing mission and had informed contacts in the USA of what was happening and the Americans were well prepared to repel the attack. All three planes were shot down by the American Air Force well out into the Atlantic. Regrettably, one of the German planes exploded on impact with the sea and an atomic bomb went off. We do not know if the American pilots survived the resulting explosion as there is a no-go zone within fifty miles of the area due to possible fallout.

‘As a result of the foiled attack on American cities, America immediately declared war on Germany. Now, in addition to this, Russia turned on her German invaders and there had been bitter fighting in and around Moscow and Leningrad with huge losses on both sides. As far as we are concerned, much of our navy, who had been in hiding in a secret location, probably in one or more of the deep Norwegian fiords in the far north awaiting developments, have destroyed large numbers of German ships at Scapa Flow and Kiel.’

I was finding it hard to understand all this and it was difficult to take all this information in but I had a question.

‘What were we, the British, doing whilst all this was going on?

‘Good question. A SAS regiment somehow appeared from God knows where and managed to get into Buckingham Palace, where the German Command for Great Britain was based. They killed or captured the occupants including the Governor-General, Gottlob Berger. In Liverpool and Manchester, similar operations were carried out almost simultaneously and effectively, the high command was crippled and made ineffective.

‘Additionally, the remaining uncaptured aircraft of the RAF, once again from secret locations, managed to strafe and bomb various airbases of the Luftwaffe in our country rendering the Luftwaffe effectively inoperative. The enemy were unprepared, to say the least, and as you might have guessed there was a level of coordination by everyone. The idea was to hit the Nazis as hard as possible in the shortest space of time and it appears to have worked. I only thank God that the enemy was unable to intercept all the signals and messages.’

‘What was the German Army doing whilst all this was going on?’ I asked.

‘Good question Carol, this hasn’t been confirmed but we believe that members of the German regular army were told to stay in barracks by their generals and not to interfere. There must have been collusion between us and those Germans who were sympathetic to our cause, probably due to self-interest, and very much against the SS High Command, who were a law unto themselves. After the successful attacks by our people, the regular German army turned on the SS divisions and forced them to surrender. It appears that there was a lot of bloodletting, killing and the settling of old scores. Other occupied countries also had similar things happening. As I say, it appears that it was all coordinated. How the German High Command didn’t have a clue as to what was going to happen, we may never know but probably due to their arrogance; perhaps they thought that they were invincible.

‘Also,’ said Nan, ‘It’s incredible that so many different parties and countries managed to cooperate without letting the cat out of the bag.’

‘I suppose Rose, that it was because we all had a common enemy. I would be surprised if the is so much cooperation in the future. Anyway, the Americans, which it appears was not as hard up as we all thought, had been building up their forces in the event that they needed to defend their borders. It appears that they have had their own atomic bomb capability for some time and after declaring war they threatened to bomb German cities.’

‘All this, we feel, made Himmler’s position untenable following all the setbacks I’ve just mentioned and he was considered to be increasingly unstable and a liability and that led to his death and those that still supported him. To the end, he was convinced that he was winning even though everyone except his very close cronies knew otherwise. The result of the assassination changed everything. The new hastily formed German High Command ordered all forces to return to bases in Germany and immediately cease any fighting. They were aware that America had the capability to lay Germany to waste. That is why the German army is leaving as fast as it can and leaving much of its equipment behind.

‘It appears that Germany has far overstretched itself and is close to bankruptcy. The German mark is worth next to nothing and they spent too much on fuelling the war effort. They bled the occupying countries dry. Some of this information is speculation, and some of it is true. I’m sure we’ll get to know the truth at some stage but in the meantime, judging by the fact that the Germans have retreated, we are now free again.’

‘So it’s over?’ I whispered.

‘I think so. We still have German forces in this country but they are leaving as quickly as possible. All our POWs are being released and hopefully, things will get back to normal, whatever normal is now. However, it will all take some time. The Germans have left a mess that needs sorting out.’

It would take years probably to find out the truth about what exactly happened and Nan and Tom only told us what they thought they knew from the information that she was given. After the dust had settled, it turned out that the German Army, Navy and Luftwaffe were all complicit in the overthrow of Nazi Germany and much of what happened in the few weeks before the collapse of the German War Machine was heavily co-ordinated between the various interested parties.

All this is now history I suppose and this journal is not the place for it. This is a personal story and will leave it for others to fill out the gaps that I have not mentioned. The world is still in turmoil and I don’t know what will happen. I just hope that the various leaders will see sense and not let such things happen again.

Two days after the Germans left, it was almost as if they had never been in Polperro. All the hated flags had been pulled down and we were able to go where we liked when we liked. Men and boys started to filter back home and there were heart-warming reunions throughout the village.

We had had it lucky. The larger towns and cities had suffered a lot more than we did. There were many instances of hardship in those places, with little food and support from the state. Cruelty was rife. Many were killed or interned and families were torn apart.

There was a certain amount of retribution for those who supported the Nazis. In our village, it appeared that Albert Robbins the school secretary fell off the cliff near my favourite spot, by accident, of course. He will not be missed.

We still went to school as it was something to do, but we didn’t need to learn German and their biased view of history anymore which was great!

It was lovely to see some of the fathers return from the conflict and they had some harrowing tales to tell. Also, the men and boys spirited away when we were invaded came out from hiding and their return made for some very happy families. I only wished that I could have my family back, but that wasn’t to be. At least I had Nan and my new sisters and I was much luckier than many others.

As far as we were concerned, we just wanted some sort of normality. Glad and Ethel wanted to find their mum as did Alison, but things were up in the air and of course, Helen, Claire and I had nowhere else to go as we had all lost our parents. Claire never spoke about it in all the time I had known her and I didn’t want to pry. It was her business. All I knew was that she was an orphan like me and Helen.

A week after the Germans had left was a special day for me. It was my birthday and I was fourteen!

It was decided that we would have a party to celebrate both my birthday and the end of the conflict.

It was decided to have the party in the Methodist Hall as many other kids that we knew wanted to join in, mainly because there would be yummy food like jelly and blancmange on offer. It would also be a good excuse to wear our best clothes, well, what we had anyway.

Nan and some mums were busy cooking and preparing all morning. The party was to begin in the afternoon. I was excited. I had never had a birthday party before and loads of people were coming to it!

It took me ages to choose what dress I would wear, even though I only had a few, but in the end, I chose my pink one with tiny yellow flowers and I wore a white slip underneath. I was also wearing my first bra which gave me some welcoming support. I had my hair in a simple pink ribbon headband that looked lovely. All in all, I was very happy with what I had chosen.

All the others had gone out of their way to look pretty and I especially liked how Helen looked in her peach-coloured dress and matching ribbons in her hair. She had really blossomed.

We had a lovely time at the party with a few games like pass the parcel and musical chairs. I cut the cake with fourteen candles and blew out the candles with a wish that all my sisters would be happy.

We were tired at the end of the party with all the shouting and running around. It was early evening now and we were all stuffed full of nice food; now somehow, a little more available since the Germans had gone. We made our way back home, chattering excitedly about the party. It was lovely to have such a nice time after the recent doom and gloom.

We sat in the living room for a while talking about nothing in particular. Nan was in her favourite chair by the fire, which wasn’t lit because it was quite warm. She had her obligatory cup of tea in her hand. I was full of cake, blancmange, lemonade and cream soda, so I didn’t feel the need for anything else.

There was a knock on the front door. I was the nearest so I got up to answer it. I noticed a few crumbs on my dress and I quickly brushed them off. I then opened the door, smiling.

There, in front of me was my mum and Sally as large as life.

Everything went black…

Please leave comments if you have the time. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie...thanks! ~Sue

I woke up. It was gloomy almost dark with just the bedside lamp on. I was in Nan’s bed for some reason. I looked over to the corner. She was there, fast asleep, a book on her lap, looking peaceful.


We Shall Fight On The Beaches...

Chapter 12

By Susan Brown

Previously...

There was a knock on the front door. I was the nearest so I got up to answer it. I noticed a few crumbs on my dress and I quickly brushed them off. I then opened the door, smiling.

There, in front of me was my mum and Sally as large as life.

Everything went black…

And now the story continues…

I woke up. It was gloomy almost dark with just the bedside lamp on. I was in Nan’s bed for some reason. I looked over to the corner. She was there, fast asleep, a book on her lap, looking peaceful.

My mum.

It wasn’t a dream. She was real and alive just like my dear sister Sally.

I looked at her. She looked worn out, and thin, but still my mum.

Mum.

I sneezed.

She stirred, shook her head and then looked at me and smiled. Putting her book down, she got up, came over and sat on the bed.

‘Well, this is all a surprise, isn’t it?’

Of course, I did the girl thing and hugged her tightly and cried my eyes out.

It took a few minutes for me to pull myself together and then I laid back on my pillow and looked at Mum. I couldn’t believe it. She was there, in the flesh and Sally, she was alive too!

‘I…I thought you were both dead.’

‘We thought you were too.’

‘I don’t understand.’

Are you up to hearing this?’

‘Please Mum, tell me.’

She brushed the hair out of my face and held my hand.

‘Alright, let me think. You left us as we went up to the house. You had left your book in the Anderson shelter and you said you would go and get it. We were just going into the house when all hell broke loose. I can’t remember anything about it nor does Sally. We found out afterwards that an unexploded bomb had landed next door and it suddenly blew up. Both Sally and I were evidently caught up in the aftershock and we were both knocked out.

‘We were taken unconscious to the Church Hall with other casualties. I woke up first, with a huge headache, not knowing where I was. Luckily no bones were broken and I just had a few scratches and a lot of bruises. Sally was less fortunate. She had a skull fracture and she lost hearing in one ear. We were transferred to a hospital outside of London, Southend-On-Sea, where Sally had an operation to stop the pressure inside her skull.

‘It was touch and go for a while, but they managed to sort her out and she’s fine now except that she is deaf in one ear and has some vision problems.’

‘Can I see her?’

‘Of course, but she’s resting at the moment as she isn’t fully up to strength yet. She’s going to be fine though. Anyway, Sally was in hospital for a while and I was very anxious about you and I couldn’t get any information about what had happened to you from where we were. I was desperate for news about you. Once Sally was deemed to be out of danger, I went back home. When I arrived, I could see that our house had taken a large hit. I spoke to an air raid warden and he told me that shortly after Sally and I had been taken away, a V2 dropped on our garden and that they hadn’t found anyone under the rubble. I went through the rubble and where the Anderson Shelter had been there was a large crater.

‘For some reason, I looked around for you even though I knew that the area would have been searched for any signs of life after the bomb hit. I found your cap up against a bush that had somehow survived. I knew it was yours straight away. It was torn almost in two and had blood on it. I also saw a few torn and scorched pages of the Biggles book you were reading. I knew then that I had lost you. Oh, I didn’t give up there and then, I couldn’t believe that you had been killed. I asked everywhere and I was told that there was no sign of you anywhere. I knew that you were sensible and would seek help if you were able to. I checked all of the hospitals and once again, nothing.

‘I had to then conclude that you had been killed, probably in the Anderson shelter. I went back to Southend and by then Sally had woken up and was missing me. She was confused and didn’t remember anything of that awful day. She asked after you and I had to tell her that you had been killed. We both cried our eyes out over that and we felt the loss of you terribly.

‘Eventually, Sally was well enough to go home, only there wasn’t any home to go to. We have no close relatives; as you know, we are a small family. The only person I could think of was Rose, your Dad’s mother down here in Cornwall. We made the trip, which wasn’t that easy, but luckily the railway was still up and running, although we had to make several diversions due to track damage. Anyway, we finally made it and then after cadging a lift from the station to here, we came to your Nan’s house. I was worried that she might have moved or worse, died but when I knocked on the door and saw you, you fainted.

‘It took a moment to recognise you. You have changed a lot in a short space of time, but there you were at my feet, not the boy I remembered but a girl in a pretty dress with her long hair tied up with ribbons and looking so very pretty.’

‘Sorry,’ I whispered, tears running down my face.

‘What for?’

‘For not being the boy you wanted me to be.’

‘After all the kafuffle, your Nan told me all about what happened. I knew that boys of your age and even younger were being rounded up by the Nazis and I had heard a few stories of boys pretending to be girls to get around that. I assumed at first that this was the case for you. Your Nan put me right about that. You consider yourself to be a girl and always have, is that right?’

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. I played with the ribbon on the front of my nightdress as I waited for her reaction.

‘Carol, look at me.’

I did as she asked, noting that she had called me by my girls' name. I didn’t see horror on her face, far from it, I saw love.

‘I’ve always known that you were different from other boys. You were so gentle; you didn’t like rough and tumble and you always preferred the company of girls rather than boys. You probably don’t remember, but when you were little you asked me to wear a dress like the little girl next door because she was so pretty and you wanted to be like her.’

‘Angela?’

She smiled.

‘You remember?’

I nodded.

‘A few times after that you asked me to change your name. do you remember that?’

‘Yes,’

‘We both know what name you chose.’

‘Carol,’ I said.

She smiled and nodded.

‘You don’t hate me do you Mum and you don’t want me to be John again now the war is over?’

My heart started thumping for some reason and suddenly perspiration broke out on my forehead.

‘The world is now a different place due to the war and its aftermath. Millions have died and nothing will be the same as before. I am just so happy to have my child back, alive and well and if you want to live as a girl then I have absolutely no problem with that. Your Nan told me what has been happening regarding your medical issues and I’ll be seeing your doctor to confirm what she has done for you. Looking into the future, when you are older, perhaps you could adopt if find a partner that loves and wants you as you are. I always have believed that there is always someone out there for everyone. I believe that rules and laws will change for the better and there will be more tolerance of one another. It may not happen for a while but I am sure it will. I am an optimist and I want you to be too. Now, I can see that you are tired, so have some sleep and I’ll see you later. I love you so much Carol and I think that you make the loveliest girl. How anyone could possibly think that you are a boy, I will never know and Carol?’

‘Yes Mum,’ I sniffed, tears running down my face as well as hers.

‘I’m certain that your Dad would think the same as me. He was the wonderful, gentlest man you could ever know. He would be proud of his brave girl.’

She kissed me on my wet cheek and with a final smile she left me and closed the door quietly.

I thought about things for a moment and smiled. Then I yawned. I was tired, maybe because of all that had happened to me. I turned over and went to sleep, happy in the knowledge that I had my dear Mum and Sister back.

I felt a gentle tapping on my hand.

Blearily and yawning, I opened my eyes and there she was!

‘Sally!’ I cried, suddenly waking and sitting up.

Then things got a bit confusing as I was hugged and kissed by my darling sister.

Once she put me down, she sat on the bed next to me holding my hand.

‘Well,’ she said grinning, ‘It looks like I’ve got a new sister.’

‘Where is she?’ I asked looking around the room and under the sheets.

She giggled.

‘You silly! You’re just as daft as before when you were a yucky boy.’

‘I was never a yucky boy. A yucky girl in hiding maybe.’

She thought about that for a moment and smiled.

‘You’re right, you were never a real boy. We always played well together even though you were very old compared to me. We played as girls and you never played like a boy, I think.’

‘Enough of the old remarks, I’m only fourteen.’

‘I’m still eleven though, I’m not twelve for two months. So you are quite old. Anyway, it's lovely to see you. I thought that you had gone.’

She looked sad at that.

‘Well,’ I said, ‘you can’t get rid of me that easy Sally. Anyway, how are you?’

‘I’m alright now. Well I can’t hear out of one ear and I need glasses as my vision went funny, but other than that, I’m fine.’

Her hair was cut short and she had circles under her eyes. She looked pale but I could see that she was on the mend, but not quite there yet. I tried not to stare at the bandage on the side of her head, thinking that that must have been where she had the operation.

I changed the subject.

‘Have you met my other sisters?’

‘Sisters? Oh, the girls downstairs; yes, they are nice people. Ooh, I suppose that makes them my sisters too! I like Helen a lot, she’s closer to my age and she’s a lot of fun.’

I wondered if she knew about Helen and her unique position but it wasn’t my story to tell.

‘I thought that I had lost you.’ I said feeling suddenly a bit weepy.

She hugged me.

‘No Carol, I’m still here to pester you.’

I giggled through my tears.

‘So what do you think about the new me?’ I asked shyly.

‘Well, it's not really new, is it? You are not as pretty as me obviously.’

I giggled again and she joined in.

‘As I said before, you were always gentle and kind and liked to play with your younger sister rather than rough, smelly boys.’

‘I’m very old now, according to you, so I won’t have to play with you anymore.’

She looked at me through those impossibly long lashes.

‘You can if you like,’ she whispered.

I hugged her again, laughing.

‘Of course I will, silly!’

She sat next to me for a while and she told me a little of what she had been through.

‘I woke up in the hospital with a splitting headache. I had this horrid bandage around my head and I couldn’t hear from my left ear. I never will evidently. I couldn’t see properly, everything was fuzzy, my eyes have got a bit better but I will need horrible glasses from now on.’

‘At least you’re alive.’ I said.

‘Yes, and I’ve got you and Mummy.’

I sighed; I was so lucky to have my family back, but so many others had lost everyone. Look at Helen. Anyway, I wanted her to continue her story.

‘So, what happened after that?’

‘It took a while to get better. German soldiers were everywhere. If any German was ill or injured, the doctors had to treat them first. So many hospitals had been bombed, and the ones left had to take up the slack. My ward had twice as many patients in it than normal and there weren’t so many doctors and nurses due to causalities. I was lucky to be treated at all. According to Mummy, I could have died.’

‘Well, you didn’t and that is wonderful.’

She smiled and continued her story.

‘Mummy looked everywhere for you and finally, after she visited home and saw the crater and found your cap, we believed that you had died. I cried buckets over that. I still can’t believe that you are here, looking lovely.’

‘I’m not lovely, passable maybe.’

‘Stop fishing for compliments. Everyone says you are lovely. Just accept it. Anyway, you must be lovely as you are just a very much older version of me!’

‘Hmm, well anyway, what was your journey down here like?’

‘Things are still horrible. There’s lots of damage everywhere. People are homeless and there’s not much food about.’

She sighed. Looking quite upset.

‘We passed an internment camp on our travels. We had cadged a lift from a lorry driver in Launceston. He was a nice man and he gave me some chocolate, remember chocolate? It was yummy. Anyway, we passed the camp as they were releasing people. It was awful, they all looked starved and some were so sick that they couldn’t stand. They looked like civilians and there were quite a few women and children amongst them. I’ll never forget it. Mummy said that a lot of them were Jews. Why did they persecute them like that? Anyway, there’s upheaval everywhere and lots of confusion. Men are coming back from war and nothing’s organised. Mummy can tell you more.’

She shivered involuntarily.

‘When we finally got here, Mummy was so scared that Nan might not be here. We had nowhere else to go and when she knocked on the front door and this lovely girl in a pretty dress answered and the lovely girl was you, well you could have knocked us over with a feather! You went all white in the face and fainted. I tell you; I was close to fainting too! It was so unexpected. Mummy caught you as you fell, which was good as two girls in the family with head injuries would not be a good thing.’

‘Sorry, I fainted.’

‘Trust you to do something dramatic! Anyway, they took you upstairs and put you to bed. You were out for ages and they were so worried that they called that nice doctor. She said that you would wake up in good time and it was probably shock that kept you out of it. Anyway, you’re back with us now…’

Just then Mum came in.

‘Right Sally shoot off downstairs, tea is about to be put on the table.’

‘Ooh, that sounds nice!’

With that, she kissed me on the cheek and shot off downstairs.

Mum shook her head and looked down at me.

‘Ready to get up and dressed?’

I nodded.

‘Need a hand?’

I nodded again. I didn’t want to let her out of my sight.

Mum had seen me naked lots of times growing up, so I was never shy around her.

I was still a bit shaky and she helped me off with my nightdress.

She raised her eyebrows at the sight of my naked body.

‘Erm, nice breasts. I never thought I would say that to you.’

I looked down, they were small but prominent. I was quite proud of them and I wondered if other girls felt the same when their breasts began to grow, I would have to ask the others, I thought.

‘And you are definitely getting a girlie shape Carol.’

I felt myself go red for some reason.

‘What do you want to wear Dear?’

I went over to my section of the wardrobe.

‘You chose Mum. Us girls, we share clothes and there are quite a few hand-me-downs from the girls in the village. I picked some nice ones that I thought might suit me.’

‘Well, how about that pinafore dress and pink blouse? I want to go out for a walk with you after tea, so you can show me around.’

‘I haven’t tried that combination before, let’s try it…’

After dressing, Mum brushed my hair out and then put a pink ribbon in my hair as a sort of Alice band. I loved ribbons, they were so feminine and I think suited me. I think Mum liked the look on me judging by the smile on her face.

‘I never thought I would ever be helping you with your hair like this?’ she said as she finished.

‘Do you like to do it?’

‘Yes, it’s lovely to help my daughter look nice. I have two daughters to do this with now.’

‘When can I wear makeup?’ I asked

‘When you are a bit older. Don’t grow up too soon or you’ll miss it when it's gone.’

I didn’t argue with Mum but had a feeling that we might have that conversation again regularly!

Soon I was downstairs with the others and we had sausages mash and onion gravy for tea followed by jam roly-poly; lovely! How we could eat after the party food earlier, I would never know, but I definitely had an appetite for more.

The others didn’t say anything about my fainting fit and that was nice as it was a bit embarrassing.

It was a lively tea and I didn’t have to say much all the others had plenty to say. I was pleased to see that Sally fitted in very well with everyone and Nan and Mum had their own conversation going, although, with all the noise, I think that they may have had difficulty hearing each other!

After tea, I went for a walk with Mum. Sally wanted to do something with Helen involving dolls.

We walked along the narrow lanes in Polperro. It’s such a pretty place and near enough all signs of the occupation had now been removed. I was glad that Polperro had not been bombed. It’s such a pretty village. I was grateful that it had escaped any lasting damage.

It was so nice to walk about freely without the danger of being stopped, searched and ask for papers by the invaders.

Nan told us that only a handful of people had collaborated with the Germans in the village, only three to my knowledge, but I supposed there could have been a few more. One, Albert Roberts, had died in slightly mysterious circumstances. The two others I knew about, both young women, had fled with the Germans and would not be missed. I found out that, in other areas, a lot more collaborated and they were dealt with harshly when the Germans were forced to leave. I heard that there were a few cases of girls being tarred and feathered in London and Birmingham. I found that hard to believe and shivered at the thought of it.

I was so happy as we walked along in the sunshine. I know that I wasn’t a little girl, but I held my Mum’s hand tightly as if I was frightened to let her go. I was still getting used to her and Sally being with me when I thought that they were both dead. It was ironic that if I had stayed near home in London, she would have found me eventually. But instead, I had this mad idea to find my Nan and drag several girls down to Cornwall with me.

We eventually found ourselves sitting on the bench around the headland; a favourite place for me and where I met that young soldier a while back. I still wondered what had happened to him, but would probably never know.

We sat there quietly, each with our own thoughts. It was sunny but still a bit chilly and I was wearing my raincoat, as was Mum. Over to the west, it looked like it might rain at some stage as clouds were bubbling up, but you never knew what the weather would be like in Cornwall as it had a habit of changing quickly and it might be roasting hot later.

Looking out to sea, I saw quite a few merchant ships making their way across the English Channel in either direction. The sea was grey and a bit choppy. The waves were crashing against the rocks and it was somehow a comforting sound. Luckily, where Mum and I were sitting, we were sheltered from the wind which was coming from behind us.

I turned to Mum.

‘Are we going back to London?’

‘Do you want to?’

‘No, I love it down here.’

She sat there for a moment and then looked at me.

‘I have spoken to your nan about this. We have nothing left in London. We have no house, although it appears that we might get something back through the War Damage Commission. Also, we have some savings. We had life insurance on your dad and the funds I received are in my savings account, I also set up accounts in your and Sally’s names just in case something happened to me and you couldn’t access my funds. Luckily the Germans have left the banking system alone. What I’m trying to say is that we aren’t rich, but we have enough to get by. I would like to stay down here and if you and Sally are agreeable, that’s what we’ll do.’

‘Will we live with Nan?’

‘Her cottage is too small. We can find another one in Polperro, there are some available including a nice one fifty yards up the hill from your Nan’s. It was that traitor Albert Roberts cottage and I have heard that it’s going for a song. What do you think?’

I wasn’t too sure about living somewhere that he owned, but I was sure that I could overcome any objections if it meant that I could live so near to my Nan.

‘That sounds good.’

‘Now, this is between you and me for the moment Carol. How would you feel if I adopt Helen?’

I thought about it just for a second.

‘I would love that and anyway, I consider her to be my sister. We’ve been through quite a lot. She’s lovely and I know that Sally and Helen get on like a house on fire – oops wrong thing to say really, what with the war and everything!’

Mum laughed. I loved the sound of her laughter; I hadn’t heard much of that sort of thing for so long.

‘That’s good. Your Nan is going to ask if Claire and Alison would like to stay with her and if they want to be adopted by her as they have no parents either.’

‘ I love that idea! I’m sure they will. What about Ethel and Glad?’

‘Rose is trying to find out where their parents are. Things are still a bit of a mess, but there are ways of finding people through The Salvation Army and other means.’

‘That’s good, too many people have lost their loved ones.’

‘True. Now Carol, at the moment, you are officially still John and that is what your birth certificate says. Well, it would say that if it hadn’t been destroyed. It’s obvious to me that you are not John but Carol and you want to be that for the rest of your life. Is that right?’

‘Yes, I’m not a boy and never have been one. In my head, I’m a girl and that’s what I’m staying as. My body’s changing because I don’t have any testicles. Let’s face it, I could never be a father and the doctor has told me that I would never look much like a man and my voice won’t break like a normal boy. I know that I have to keep my erm, penis, but that is all. So yes Mum, I want to stay as a girl and I want to be Carol forever.’

‘Right, I thought so. You may not know it, but Somerset House where all records of birth, deaths and marriages were kept, was destroyed just before the end of the bombings in London. I’m pretty sure that we can have a new birth certificate issued easily whilst everything is up in the air. Would you like to have a new birth certificate in the name of Carol when the time comes to re-register?’

‘I would love that Mum! Can I have a middle name too?’

‘Of course honey. Have you any ideas?’

‘I would love to have my second name as Rose.’

Mum smiled.

‘Your nan would love that! Now, I think we should get back before the heavens open up.’

Well, this is about the end of my journal, I suppose. I need to get a new one for my continuing journey as I have only got a few more pages in my rather grubby notebook left to use.

I notice that the last entry that I had written was about two months ago. I have been very busy and it's surprising how fast time goes by.

Mum, Sally, Helen and I moved into Alberts cottage, known as Periwinkle Cottage about a month ago and we’ve been busy making it habitable. Albert lived like a pig and didn’t know the meaning of tidiness. He had loads of Nazi and Black Shirt rubbish and we had a great time, burning it all.

Helen promptly agreed to be adopted by Mum and is already calling her Mummy. She called her birth parents Mum and Dad, so there was a difference between her old and new life.

Claire and Alison were adopted by Nan, but still call her Auntie for some reason. They are all very happy. I still consider them to be my sisters and we see them all the time.

Ethel and Glad had a tearful reunion with their parents who luckily came through the conflict unscathed. They lived in London before and even though their house wasn’t damaged, large parts of the area where there lived were. We had the wonderful news the other day that they would be selling up and moving down here, away from all the carnage and that was great. They were looking for a property nearby and I couldn’t wait for them to move down so all of the sisters could be nearby.

As far as things were going on in the world. Communications and information are still a bit sketchy. What I do know is that Germany sued for peace and their armed forces were disbanded. Germany itself was split into several military zones. France in the southwest, the United Kingdom in the northwest, the United States in the south, and Russia in the east.

Trials would take place in Nuremberg for those who were considered to be guilty of war crimes. Many of what was left of the German High Command tried to escape before the end of the conflict to where it was assumed to be South America, using a warship that had not surrendered to the Allies. Rumour has it that the ship was sunk by a submarine off the coast near Skagen in Denmark waters, but there hasn’t been any confirmation of this.

There is to be a new parliament built on the ruins of the old one, but that will take time. At the moment there is an emergency cabinet under the control of those parliamentarians not killed in the raids, under the leadership of Clement Atlee, who was away at the time of the bombings.

In and around Aberdeen and Newcastle Upon Tyne, the news was grim. Apart from killing many people at the time, more were dying now from the fallout of those terrible dirty bombs and large areas around those cities were deemed to be unhabitable for many years.

Other countries were still in turmoil. Russia and China, in particular, were trying to use the uncertainty and leadership vacuum in certain countries to take power and spread their influence.
There is talk of a new organisation called the United Nations where it’s hoped that wars might be averted in future. I’m not holding my breath.

I’m not going to go into any more about what’s happening as trying to sort truth from rumour gives me a headache. Maybe one day we’ll all know the truth of it but for now, I was just glad that the Nazis had gone, hopefully never to return. I’m just a fourteen-year-old girl trying to sort out truth from fiction.

I do hope that things will go back to normal soon.

So here I am now, just waiting for the others to get ready. We are going to the beach in Looe. We are experiencing what they call an Indian summer and although it’s early October, it feels nice and warm. The bus will be arriving in about twenty minutes, The bus services started again about a week ago. Helen and Sally are always slow at getting ready to go out. Mum and us girls will be meeting with Nan, Claire and Alison at the bus stop. I’m wearing a sunny yellow dress and white sandals and carrying a cardi, just in case. My hair is being kept in place by a yellow ribbon, of course!

Looking in the mirror I can see a fairly pretty girl, with ever-growing breasts getting more pronounced as the months go by and a body that appears shapelier. I have a button nose with a light sprinkling of freckles and my hair is down to my shoulders now. I do love long hair, although it’s harder to dry after washing it.

‘Come on Carol, we’re going,’ shouted Sally, sounding a bit annoyed.

I smiled at my reflection, poked my tongue out and made a silly face.

Giggling, I shouted, ‘coming!’

Please leave comments if you have the time. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie...thanks! ~Sue

I blinked as I went outside. The sun was strong and it was relatively warm. There was a slight breeze and my dress flapped a bit-it was a strange but not unpleasant sensation. It was as if I was in a ghost town...

We Shall Fight On The Beaches...

Chapter 2

By Susan Brown

---

Previously...

I blinked as I went outside. The sun was strong and it was relatively warm. There was a slight breeze and my dress flapped a bit-it was a strange but not unpleasant sensation. It was as if I was in a ghost town. No-one was about and I had the wrecked, torn and battered High Street to myself. Well, I couldn't stand there all day, so avoiding the puddles, craters, and remains of the building I walked along the High Street and away from the damaged area.

I could hear the drone of aircraft engines and looking up, I could see quite clearly some German fighters and bombers crossing the skies. I wasn't afraid of being bombed. What was the point, they had the country beaten now, or so they thought. Only time would tell if we could defeat them against great odds. I would do my best to help the cause and show them that Britain would not lie down and give in. I was only 13, but I don't think that I lacked gumption.

I turned the corner and stopped abruptly.

In front of me, in the middle of the road was a large tank. Its turret slowly turned towards me and I was staring down the barrel of a huge gun and wishing that I was anywhere but here.

And now the story continues…

I stood there transfixed, like a deer caught in the headlights of an onrushing car.

Time stood still, I was only aware of the slight movement of my skirt against my bare legs caused by the gentle breeze.

The squeaking turret stopped moving and was lined up on me. I could now see down the barrel and should have run for it but I felt powerless against such a monster. Distractedly, I thought that they wouldn’t waste a shell on little me. More likely they would use the machine gun...

The lid of the tank opened with a metallic thud.

A head popped up and there was man, a man in uniform, a man that didn’t seem very happy to see me.

He said something that I couldn’t understand, but I realised, quite brightly, considering that I was nearly wetting my knickers with fear, that he was speaking in German– he sounded very guttural and I wondered if talking like that made his throat sore...

‘Little girl,’ he said, switching to a very accented form of English.

‘Yes?’ I said, my voice sounding quavery–well let’s face it; I was almost peeing in my knickers by now.

‘Vot are you doink there?’

‘Don’t know.’ I replied.

‘Don’t know–dummkopf. Why are you on the street?’

‘Erm going home?’

‘And where is that?’

‘Ashmore Road.’

‘Where is that?’

‘D...down that way.’ I pointed vaguely down the road with a shaky forefinger.

He looked at me as if I was an idiot. Then I heard a squawking sound from the tank, some sort of radio transmission I think, and then his head disappeared and then moments later popped up again.

‘Get home, do not you know that there is a curfew?’

‘No.’

‘Gott in himmel! You go home now.’

‘Y...yes sir.’

As I ran down the road, I heard a metallic thunk noise and the sound of engines as the tank roared away in, I hoped, a different direction from me!

I dodged some debris, a couple of shell holes and some water squirting out of a burst main. There was a bloated dead cat lying in the road and I wondered where little Kitties’ owners were. The smell of gas was a bit nasty and I just hoped that there were no smokers around, but. Glancing around, I saw that the place was empty. It must have been the curfew that the German mentioned, I supposed. I wondered where everyone was though. People don’t just vanish into thin air and the houses thereabouts looked empty and neglected. I didn’t think that people would be down in the Underground as I assumed that there wouldn’t be any more bombers. Maybe they had all run away from the guns, tanks and bullets–that seemed like a sensible idea to me.

Eventually, I came into an area that I knew well, Queens Park. The railway station of that name was all shuttered up. There hadn’t been any bombs to speak of here, just the odd damaged building, overturned lorry and huge craters in the road. The shops were all more or less in one piece, except for the occasional blown in window. I suddenly realised that I was very hungry and over the road, I saw a grocery store without any windows.

The place, like everywhere else, was deserted, so I went over and with some difficulty managed to climb in through the broken window and found myself in the shop. There wasn’t much in there. It looked like the owner had left in a hurry and there were only a few tins, some stale bread and a few other bits and pieces. I collected the bread, grabbed a tin or two and went out the back. I managed to find a can opener, spoon and amazingly two apples that looked more or less edible. On top of that, there were a couple of bottles of cream soda and one of lemonade. I picked up the cream soda and the rest of the food, carried into the small sitting room out the back and made myself at home in the old armchair by the fire place after putting a cloth over the seat which was a bit dusty. The last thing that I wanted was for my nice new dress to get dirtier than it had to be! After sitting down and getting myself comfortable. I looked around the room and saw, on the mantelpiece, a photo and in the photo stood a rather severe looking moustached man and woman (without an obvious moustache) sitting bolt upright in a chair. They were wearing what was probably their best clothes. I wondered why they weren’t smiling. Perhaps they had nothing to smile about.

I ate one of the apples quickly and then the softer bits of bread and after that opened one of the tins of baked beans. I preferred baked beans hot, but beggars can’t be choosers, so I quaffed down the lot in double quick time. I liked Queens Park–the actual park I mean. It wasn’t very big, but it had swings and a small playground and my mum and dad when they were alive took me and my sister there regularly, but all that seemed so long ago now and it was almost as if it had all been a dream.

Once again, I felt a dreadful sense of loss. I was by myself now and I had never had that before. I was always part of a family and even when my sister and I were at that hateful farm, we at least had the knowledge that our mum was at home longing to be with us.

Shrugging off the negative thoughts that would take over if I had let them, I drank some more cream soda. My throat still had the dust in it from the bombings and I needed to wash it all down. I wished that I had an aspirin or something as the back of my head still hurt and throbbed a bit; but I just had to grin and bear it. After all, there were a lot of people worse off than me, well some were, anyway.

Of course, after that drinking I had to use the toilet. I went into the kitchen at the back, unbolted the door and saw the outside toilet attached to a storeroom a few yards away.

I quickly looked around, all seemed clear so I went over to the toilet and went in. I dropped my knickers and sat down. I shivered a bit as the cold wooden seat hit my bare bottom–dressed like this, it didn’t seem right to stand and go. Not that I was much good at that anyway as my wee-willy-winky tended to spray everywhere. Anyway, I did my stuff and wiped myself dry with the torn newspaper left handily on a hook on the door and then I was done.

Then I just sat there for a bit and thought about my predicament. Although I was trying to make light of things and doing my best to keep my pecker up, my thoughts were never far away from my mum and sister. It took a lot of effort not to dwell on it and I did try to stay positive. I tried to focus my attention on the present rather than the past and in particular the thorny problem as to how I was going to get to my Gran’s. For all I knew she could have moved after the invasion or, God forbid, she might not be alive. However, I just had to do something and I realised that London wouldn’t be a safe place for anyone now that the Germans had taken over.

One of the bits of torn newspaper was a front page of The Daily Sketch. The headline said:

We Are Winning The War!

I laughed bitterly, wondering whether it was just an old edition or just wishful thinking on the part of the newspaper.

Well, I couldn’t sit there all day and anyway, I was a growing girl–nice thought that–and I fancied another apple.

I went back in and carried on eating. Mind you, I didn’t have a huge tummy, so it didn’t really take much to fill me up. I was having a final swig from the bottle of cream soda, remembering fondly how nice it used to be with a dollop of ice cream in a glass, when I heard the sound of boots–lots of them, in the distance growing louder by the second.

I hid behind the counter and waited as I heard the boots come nearer and nearer. It sounded like marching, lots of boots marching in time. It wasn’t our lads, that was for sure, so it could only have been the hated Germans.

The marching came ever nearer and it seemed to me, hiding like the brave person that I was– behind the counter, that there were thousands of them out there. The teacups on the Welsh dresser started to rattle as the rhythmic boots came ever nearer and then started passing outside.

Being ever so brave, I poked my head above the counter for a second and I could see wave upon wave of soldiers marching by. Well, I was right they weren’t British. They had banners and swastikas on poles. There was a band that struck up as they went by and I must admit, it wasn’t my kind of music.

Wave upon wave passed by and then there were vehicles of all types and description including trucks, armoured cars, tanks and motor bikes with and without side cars. In the end, I stopped looking up from behind the counter. I couldn’t take the chance of someone looking in and seeing me.

I was worried that someone might come into the shop; it was possible, after all. I had noticed when I first came in to the shop, that over in the corner behind the counter was what looked suspiciously like a trap door leading, I assumed and hoped, down to the cellar. I lifted the heavy wooden lid or door and peered down into the cellar. Not surprisingly, it was dark down there, but I could see steps leading down and on a small shelf, just below ground level, was a candle and holder and a box of matches.

I took another quick peek outside and saw that there were still a lot of soldiers going by. I wasn’t going to take any more chances, so I picked up the few scraps of food that I hadn’t eaten, popped them in a paper bag and as an afterthought, I grabbed a bottle of lemonade and my case and then quickly went down the steps. I paused for a moment, put the things that I had been carrying on a step and with a shaky hand, I lit the candle. I had a bit of a thing about spiders and other creepy crawlies, not forgetting mice and rats. But there was no time for me to be a wimp...

By the flickering candlelight, I carried on down the steps. There were thirteen steps and I hoped that that wasn’t bad luck. Anyway, at the bottom was a large space the seemed to be of a similar size to the shop above. It was a bit dusty and full of boxes and what looked like some of the stock. I put my things down on an upturned tea crate and then went up the steps again. Strangely, there was a bolt on the underside of the cellar door and after closing the door carefully, I slipped the bolt across and then went back down again.

I sat on a crate watching the guttering candle and felt quite cold. Wearing a dress in a dark cold cellar wasn’t very clever, but for all that, it was the only real positive in a sea of negatives. I was dressed outside how I felt inside. It gave me some comfort as, for what seemed like hours, I could hear the noises of people and vehicles coming and going outside in the street.

At one time, my heart was in my mouth as I heard the scrape of boots above me. I could hear a lot of laughing, some breaking of bottles and crockery together with smashing and the scraping of furniture. I nearly had a heart attack when the cellar door was banged suddenly.

Then I could hear some shouting by someone who seemed to be in charge–he seemed angry. A few seconds later, after much boot scraping and footfalls, everything above me went quiet again.

I did so wished that I had a watch. I had no idea what the time was. I was feeling tired, but I dared not go to sleep with all that was happening just feet away from me.

I put my coat on the ground and sat down on the floor with my back to a crate, as it was more comfortable. I did my cardigan up to the neck and just waited, my mind just a jumble of conflicting thoughts.

I must have fallen asleep after all as I was jolted awake by the sound of a cat wailing outside somewhere. The candle had gone out and I looked up. The coal hole over the far side where the street was had a grill above it that I hadn’t noticed before. I could see a dim light coming from outside. I wondered if it was getting late. I stopped breathing for a moment as I strained my ears listening for the dreaded jackboots. All was quiet except for that flaming cat.

Well I couldn’t stay there, I had to get going and I sensed that the best time to travel would be at night where I could fade into the shadows should anyone nasty be about.

I was freezing cold and I shivered. Feeling around for my belongings, I put my coat on and then after banging my shin and saying a few choice things learnt from the farm hands, I made my way up the steps, slid the bolt back and carefully left the cellar.

Through the broken window, I could see that it was twilight outside and fast growing dark. There were no street lights and apart from the sound of aircraft above, all was quiet. Then I heard the sound of gunfire in the distance and wondered if it was our resistance, fighting on. Poking my head carefully out of the window, avoid the shards of glass, I saw a couple of flashes light up the sky over to the east and could hear the sound of explosions a few moments later. Searchlights then came on and pierced the sky, no doubt now under the control of the enemy. There were still many sausage shaped barrage balloons dotted about the sky and I now knew why they had not been taken down yet. I thought that it would be tragic if our anti-aircraft and barrage balloons brought down our boys.

I took heart because, unless I was mistaken, there still was some resistance going on. How many of our people were fighting, I didn’t know, but the sound of the gunfire buoyed me up a bit. We hadn’t all given in, it seemed.

In the shop, I tripped over something in the gloom–an upturned chair. Peering around, I could see that the place had been wrecked. Why I didn’t know, maybe the soldiers were letting off steam or searching for valuables. I hoped that this wasn’t the shape of things to come.

We had all heard stories about Nazi atrocities against the Jews and people who didn’t fit into their notion of society. We heard about how the populations of those countries they conquered were treated. Previously, being a child, they seemed to be just stories to me and my friends and not anything to do with real life. It was kind of exciting, cowboys and Indians stuff–although I always felt sorry for the Indians, they had a raw deal–good over evil and the goodies always won, didn’t they? Then, the reality of the situation sunk in, even to our young minds as the Luftwaffe started bombing the heart out of our cities and some fathers just didn’t come home from the warfront. That made it all real. Now some mindless bomb had killed my mum and sister and my dad had died trying to stop Germany from taking us over and was still over there, somewhere.

The door had been smashed open, so I didn’t have to clamber over the broken window. I peeked my head out and looked up and down the street, all was quiet. I took one last look at the shop and then let myself out.

And so I began my journey to Cornwall. I had no idea how long it would take or what means of transport I would use, but I was determined to try to make it, by hook or by crook.

I went down Harvest Road and then Mortimer Road. I saw a couple of trucks in the distance coming towards me and I hid behind a privet hedge as they thundered by.

It was getting quite dark now. Usually at this time of night I would see people coming to and from work or soldiers, sailors and airmen on leave. ARP wardens would stalk the streets telling people off and shouting, ‘get that light out. Often there were members of the rescue services milling about trying to help those in need and making the damaged areas safe. I wondered when things would ever be “normal” again...

I wondered if there was anyone behind the closed doors of the houses I passed that night. I dare not knock anyone up. For all I know, there may be Germans billeted in the area and it would just be my luck if I knocked on the wrong door.

I passed Kensal Green Station. This had been bombed early in the war and ten people had lost their lives. It was just a shell now, but the track had been fixed some time ago. To emphasise the point a train rushed through what was left on the station, smoke billowing and wheels clattering loudly on the racks. There were loads of carriages some open and some closed. They seemed packed with German soldiers. I wondered where the train was going–I hoped sincerely that it wasn’t Cornwall!

Up ahead was Harrow Road. I intended to go down that road, as I knew that it eventually led to the main road leading out of London. I needed to get out of the city as soon as possible; I just didn’t feel safe and believed that I was very exposed. I just hoped that I wouldn’t meet anyone that I didn’t want to.

As I got nearer to Harrow Road, I found that there were more people about and more traffic. It was disconcerting to find that all the people were in uniform, German uniform, of course. I wondered how it was that so many soldiers could arrive on our shores so quickly. Were our armed forces in such a bad shape that there was no resistance to speak of? Mind you, I had heard that gunfire and the explosions–I wished more than anything, to know what was going on. The lack of any concrete news was driving me nuts!

Had our politicians done some sort of deal to save lives? Was the surrender unconditional? Maybe individuals ignored any sort of surrender and were at that moment fighting the invaders. I had so many questions and no answers. What I did know was that if there had been a surrender a few days before, perhaps my mum and sister may not have died.

I stepped into a garden and hid behind a wall. A couple of soldiers had turned the corner and were walking my way. As they passed, speaking German, they laughed. I could smell the smoke from their cigarettes and it made my nose itch. I wanted to sneeze and rubbed my nose vigorously until the urge went away with the receding sounds of their boots on the pavement.

When all was clear again, I continued on into Harrow Road, with its once busy shops and pavements. The last time I was here was with Mum and Sally. We had had to go to Woolworths, Mac Fisheries and few other places. Times had been hard with the rationing and Mum was great at eking out the points and although times had been hard, we never actually starved. Woolworth’s had been bombed just the previous week whilst the place was full of Saturday shoppers; it was carnage.

Harrow Road looked very different now, deserted in the main. The night was my friend, as I could flit from shadow to shadow without being seen. After a while, I passed a large building; it was the town hall. There were floodlights everywhere and the place was a hive of activity with cars, trucks and lorries coming and going all the time. A huge swastika flag hung from the upstairs balcony, fluttering slightly in the breeze and looking very out of place here in the capital of what was once Great Britain. Well, in my opinion, Britain would be great again if I had anything to do with it!

I carried on as I wanted to get as far as possible that night and then just before dawn, find somewhere to hide out until the next night. Travelling during the daylight hours would not be a good idea.

The road had a bend in front of me. All had gone quiet again and I speeded up my walk as I was getting cold. I had my coat on and it was done up to my neck, but my bare legs were freezing and my feet felt little better.

As I arrived at the bend, I was suddenly pushed over and I landed on my hands and knees in the entrance to someone’s garden.

‘Ouch.’ I said looking up in the gloom. A figure stood there, above me.

‘Are you mad?’ said a girl’s voice.

‘What?’ I said, confused.

‘There’s a check-point around the corner by Scrubs Lane.’

‘Is there–erm what’s a check-point?’

I got to my feet and brushed myself down. I could see a bit better now. I had been shoved over by a girl, who looked about the same age as me. She was wearing a rather grubby mac and underneath, from what I could see below the hem of her coat, a dress with small flowers on it–rather pretty, I thought distractedly. She had a rather dirty ribbon in her hair which was long and a bit untidy. She had a button nose and a smudge of dirt on her cheek. She looked less than pleased.

‘Are you thick or something? Where have you been living, in a cave? Can’t you see what’s going on around us? Look, we can’t talk here, the Fritz are everywhere. Come on, let’s get out of here.’

I was going to say something about girls who pushed people about, but I didn’t. I just got up and brushed myself down...

‘Come on!’

She said no more but grabbed my hand and went off in a hurry down a side street. I followed in her wake wondering who she was and what I was getting into.

She turned left into Valliere Road after checking that all was clear. I followed her like a sheep and a few moments later, a big building loomed into view. There was a hole in the fence and she slipped through, gesturing me to follow. I noticed a sign on a board that said it was Kenmont School. It reminded me of my old school–Wilberforce, in Beethoven Street before it was shut down shortly after all or most of the children were sent away.

She went across the playground with me following on her heels. I really should have carried on that night as I wanted to get as far as possible, but to be honest, with all that had happened today, I was tired and if this girl knew somewhere where I could lay low until the next night then I was willing to see where she went.

She went to a side door and knocked three times then twice and then once. A few seconds later the door opened and another girl peered out. Where were the adults? I thought.

‘Alison, let us in, it’s freezing out here!’

The door opened and we slipped past the girl who locked and bolted the door behind her. Inside there were several candles dotted about the corridor and I was led down it and into another room. Alison motioned to me to go in and with some reservations I did as I was asked. The girl who had knocked me over followed and I found myself in the school kitchen. A large room with lots of pots and pans, cookers and other kitchen type things. But that didn’t grab my attention as much as the scene before me.

On a large kitchen table were several candles in saucers sat around it was a boy and two girls who were playing cards, snap, I think. They all looked up as I came over.

‘Hello,’ said one of the girls, ‘who are you?’

I was obviously aware that my boys’ name, John would not be good. I used my mum’s second name instead.

‘Carol.’

‘Hello Carol, I’m Ethel and this is my twin Glad, short for Gladys and that’s Albert.’

I nodded and then the girl who led me there after pushing me over, chipped in.

‘I’m Claire, sorry I pushed you, but I didn’t know what else to do. Want a cup of tea or Bovril?’

‘Ooh, yes, tea please,’ I said as I sat down next to the others.

Claire went over to a huge looking metal object with a chimney.

‘It’s an Aga,’ said Glad with a grin. ‘Lucky they had one here. We’ve been using it at night so the smoke isn’t seen. We‘ve broken some chairs and desks to feed the flames and it keeps us toasty warm at night. That’s why we all sleep here.’

I looked over at Albert, he wasn’t saying much. I suppose that we were all of a similar age, twelve to fourteen. The girls looked like they could all do with a wash and the boy was in a worse state. I wondered why his clothes looked more tattered than the rest, but said nothing.

I scratched my head at the back and winced, it still hurt a lot where I banged my head and I had a constant, slight nagging headache.

Ethel was looking at me.

‘Hurt yourself?’

‘Yes, I got knocked on the head.’

‘Let’s have a look.’

She got up and came over. She felt the back of my head.

'Ouch!'

‘Sorry; ooh, lots of blood here, but it’s gone dry and you have a lump the size of an egg. Best not wash it for a few days or it might bleed again.’

A mug of hot steamy tea was put in front of me. There was no sugar, that didn’t surprise me but there was milk–the dried variety; we hadn’t seen the wet stuff for ages.

‘We found some things left in the store cupboard and we’re using them. Getting a bit low now, but we’ll think of something.’

The others then were served up some tea and I found it nice to sit there, getting warmed up on the outside by the warmth of the Aga and the inside with the help of the tea and some dry biscuits that miraculously appeared in front of me.

I wondered, fleetingly if the others knew that I was physically a boy and whether I would have to explain myself, but everyone seemed to take me at face value and I wasn’t about to throw my dress off and declare my supposed manhood!

I giggled at that thought.

‘What?’ asked Glad.

‘Nothing, it’s just...’

‘What?’

‘Oh nothing, so how come you are all here?’

They all looked at each other and Ethel spoke up.

‘Albert, we pulled out of his Anderson shelter when it collapsed after a near miss. His mum was killed when Paddington General Hospital got a direct hit a few days before and he was sort of not with it for a few days, but he’s all right now, aren’t you Albert? We know him because Glad and I lived two doors down from him. We’re here because mum’s a WAAF and there was no way were we going to move out of London. Mum doesn’t know we’re here. We sort of missed our train out for evac. If mum knew, she’d go mad, but last thing we heard was that she was up in Scotland.’

I looked over at Albert.

Albert didn’t say anything, but just smiled shyly and then looked down at the mug in his hand.

‘Alison, we found wondering the streets. She came home to find her house boarded up and her mum gone. She doesn’t know where her mum is. She came back from a visit to her aunt in the country, who she doesn’t like much and anyway, she missed her mum too much.’

‘So,’ I asked Alison, ‘you don’t know where your mum is?’

‘No, but knowing her she could be anywhere. She’s a WVS* but I thought that she worked locally, but they must have moved her when the army moved out of London.’

‘Right,’ said Ethel, ‘what’s your story, Carol?’

I looked at them. They had all gone through it and had seen things that kids our age shouldn’t ever see. Well my story was nothing special, except to me. I told them all that had happened except for the fact that I was previously known as John rather than Carol. It wasn’t something I wanted to talk about yet. The last thing I wanted was be rejected as someone weird and strange.

After I finished, I was a bit of a wreck and cried a bit. As a boy, I would have felt bad about crying in front of all these kids, but as a girl, it was a natural reaction to all I had been through and it was nice to have succession of hugs from the girls. Albert didn’t hug me, but at least I got a sympathetic smile. I think that he was a bit intimidated, being amongst all these girls and him being the only boy; well, technically, if you wanted to be fussy. I was physically a boy, but I didn’t want to even think about that.

When we finished, we all sat about on the floor with blankets and pillows around us. I had no idea where they had come from but to be honest, at that moment, I couldn’t care less. I was dry, warm and with others like me. That was enough for the moment. But I knew that I couldn’t stay there for long, I had to get out of London and on to my Gran’s.

In the distance, we could hear sporadic gunfire and explosions. At other times the sound of heavy vehicles’ passed somewhere outside.

‘So,’ I asked no one in particular, ‘it looks like I wasn’t awake when everything went bad. Do any of you know what happened?’

Glad looked up and smiled grimly.

‘You were lucky not to see it. One minute everywhere was full of our soldiers and the next minute, they were gone–orders to go back to the barracks from the generals we heard. Then the sky was full of planes, German ones. Out of the planes came lots of parachutes. It was nuts, the air was full of them and no one was doing anything. An ARP warden heard on the radio that the parachutists were aiming for open spaces like Hampstead Heath, and that we shouldn’t resist. But the wind was strong and I think a lot of them landed amongst the buildings. There’s still a parachute in a tree in Harrow Rd, the soldiers still there, dangling, broke his neck, I think.’

‘Nasty,’ I said.

‘One less German to worry about,’ shrugged Glad. ‘It didn’t matter though, they had thousands and knowing the Nazis they couldn’t care less about a few soldiers getting killed. Then we heard that the enemy had landed in huge numbers on our beaches and we didn’t put up a fight. We had given in. Churchill and most of the government were dead by then and we were like headless chickens, with no one to guide us. I think that the generals gave in to save lives; I don’t know if that’s true but I hate think that there would be any other reason.’

Claire took up the story.

‘In no time, the area was full of Germans. Leaflets were put up, telling all men and boys over thirteen to report immediately to the local police station for orders. Girls were to stay at home and await instructions. Lots of people just fled out of London, but we do know that road blocks were put up when a few returned with terrible stories. We were told that some men and boys were shot. Then, yesterday I think it was, more leaflets and notices sprung up saying that everyone remaining was to go to the local police station to be registered within the next two days. Many people are just hiding like we are; anywhere they can, or finding different ways of escaping. Yesterday, the tanks and armoured vehicles arrived and it’s getting harder and harder to move around without getting caught.’

‘So you don’t have any plans?’ I said.

‘Not really,’ said Claire, ‘we are taking one step at a time.’

I looked around at the tired, worn out and worried faces. They had survived so far by luck. I had no illusions that things would get a lot worse before they got better in London. I was still determined to find my Gran in Cornwall. Down there I could find somewhere to hide even if it was on Dartmoor.

I wondered...

‘Look, I know that I’ve only just turned up and everything, but we can’t stay here. We will be caught eventually. Why don’t you all come with me to Cornwall...?’

‘Cornwall, that’s miles away and we would get caught,’ said Ethel.

‘Well we will definitely get caught here. We have a better chance now, when everything is upside down and no one has papers, than later on when everything is more secure.’

They looked at each other and that coincided with more sounds of gunfire and explosions followed by heavy engine noises from somewhere in the distance.

Alison coughed and then said, ‘I think that Carol is right, we have to go and soon too. Things are going to get harder around here, much harder. Let’s get out into the country and see how things are. We could try and find Carol’s Gran, but if it gets too hot for us, we can change our plans. What do you all think?’

Claire was the first to speak up.

‘I’m getting fed up with skulking around here. I want to do something, anything that might help us, but we have a problem.’

‘Problem?’ said Alison and Glad in unison.

‘Yes, Albert.’

‘Albert?’

‘Albert is a boy and he will be the first one in big trouble if we are caught.’

Albert looked at all of us, he had gone even paler than he had been before, if that was possible.

‘We are not leaving Albert,’ said Claire firmly and the others including me, nodded in agreement.

‘I’m not saying leave him; I wouldn’t even think it. No, Albert will have to become erm...Alberta?’

‘Isn’t that in Canada?’ I said.

‘Right, okay Albert, what girls name do you want?’

‘I’m not a girl!’

‘Of course not, it’s just that you have to pretend.’

‘I don’t want to be a girl.’

‘Why not?’ asked Ethel indignantly, ‘much better being a girl than a stupid boy!’

‘Dresses are silly.’

‘No sillier than those stupid shorts you’re wearing!’

‘STOP IT!’ cried Claire, stamping her foot on the wooden floor and making us jump.

She turned to Albert whose face had gone from white to red.

‘Albert, we know that you are a boy and a brave one too. But boys your age are not around now. God knows where they are. If you stay dressed as a boy, you will stick out like a sore thumb. Carol is right, everything is in turmoil now but soon it will be very difficult to move around. If you stay as a boy, you will get caught, as sure as eggs are eggs. At least dressed as a girl, you have a chance. None of us will laugh at you, I promise. It’s just like play acting.’

He looked around. I swear that he was almost as frightened as if a doodle bug was about to arrive.

I knew a wee bit about what he was going through. Even though I knew that I was a girl, I had had my doubts early on and my fears about being caught and laughed at.

I put my hand over his. It was cold, despite the warmth of the room.

‘Albert, you need to do this. You are so brave and strong and we need you to help us. Will you do it for us?’

He looked into my eyes and an expression fleetingly went across his face. For a moment, I wondered if he realised my secret but he shook his head slightly and then looked around at the others.

‘Y...you won’t laugh?’

‘NO!’ we all said at once.

Before going to sleep, Ethel had popped up to the school library and found a map book of Great Britain. We poured over it and decided the best way out of town. It had a section at the back that included London, so that was very useful. We thought that it would be probable that most of the road blocks would be on main roads, so we would steer clear of these and stick to smaller ones.

We spent the next day preparing for our travels by getting everything together, each taking turns to be look out, just in case we had some unwelcome visitors. The girls all had some clothes and we spent some time sorting out what we could take and what would have to be left behind as we wanted to travel as light as possible. I had just about enough to keep me going in my case but the others had some difficulty in deciding what they just couldn’t do without. We decided just a small case and a bag for food and other essentials each. Albert’s case was filled for him. The poor lamb still looked as if all this hadn’t sunk in.

Mind you, Albert looked fine in a dress. He was young enough not to look out of place. He was slim (we all were) and smallish for a boy and had no hair on his face or body yet. The only thing was he had short hair on his head. Unlike me, his mum insisted on short hair. The story would be was that he had head lice or nits and had to have his hair cut off, if ever he was asked. In the mean time, he wore a purple woolly hat to hide his lack of locks. The name he chose, with some reluctance I might add, was Helen, his mum’s name.

I was proud of the girls. As promised, no one laughed at our new girl–Helen.

It was dark outside when we were finally ready to go. We all had a small case and a bag each to carry. We had our coats on as it was chilly. It was with a bit of regret that we left the kitchen, still warm from the heat of the Aga and made our way out of the school and out onto the street.

We didn’t know how long it would take us to get where we hoped to go, or even if we did find our destination–Cornwall was a long way away and even I had my doubts about if we could get there, but we were determined to do our best to get ourselves out of London and start doing something more than just hiding away and doing nothing.

Looking up, the sky was clear and there was no moon. I could see the millions of pin pricks that were the stars. I wondered if my parents and sister were looking down on me and looking out for us. I hoped so as we were going to need all the help we could get!

To be continued...

Painting: The Spirit of London During the Blitz by Nettie Moon, 1979

Please leave comments and do the kudo-thingie...thanks! ~Sue

The first night was long and fraught with danger. We were constantly on our guard but despite that, came perilously close to getting caught...

We Shall Fight On The Beaches...

Chapter 3

By Susan Brown

---

Previously...

I was proud of the girls as, as promised, no one laughed at our new girl–Helen.

It was dark outside when we were finally ready to go. We all had a small case and a bag each to carry. We had our coats on as it was chilly. It was with a bit of regret that we left the kitchen, still warm from the heat of the Aga and made our way out of the school and out onto the street.

We didn’t know how long it would take us to get where we hoped to go, or even if we did find our destination–Cornwall was a long way away and even I had my doubts about if we could get there, but we were determined to do our best to get ourselves out of London and start doing something more than just hiding away and doing nothing.

Looking up, the sky was clear and there was no moon. I could see the millions of pin pricks that were the stars. I wondered if my parents and sister were looking down on me and looking out for us. I hoped so as we were going to need all the help we could get!

And now the story continues…

The first night was long and fraught with danger. We were constantly on our guard but despite that, came perilously close to getting caught.

Our idea about keeping to the side roads was a good one, but we didn’t realise that there were so many Germans about. Even the smaller roads seemed to have a number of the hated enemy milling around. At times we had to hide in gardens and behind walls as patrols either on foot or in vehicles passed us by.

It didn’t help that the night was cold and frosty and we were hardly well dressed for the occasion. We had set off from the school fully hoping that we would put a lot of miles behind us during the safer, darker hours.

The problem was that we had to keep stopping and then do complicated detours to avoid road blocks and the ever present soldiers. There was a curfew on and notices were pinned to many trees and street lamps telling people that they would be summarily shot if caught out at night without a permit or a good reason.

Harrow Road was a no-no as there were patrols everywhere. We eventually went down Scrubs Lane which was quieter and not so crowded with soldiers. After twenty minutes we went over the railway bridge and there in the distance, on the far side of the common, stood the prison known as Wormwood Scrubs.

‘Shall we go across the common or keep to the roads?’ said Ethel.

‘Less likely to get caught if we go across country,’ I said.

‘As long as we don’t break a leg,’ said Glad pessimistically.

‘Don’t be such a wimp, Glad,’ said Ethel.

I could see that the sisters didn’t always see eye to eye!

We decided by a show of hands that we would cross the common land. The less we were on the roads at that time, the better.

It was hard going as it was dark and the ground was uneven in places. Luckily, there were lights dotted about on the edges of The Scrubs with street lights and the occasional headlight piercing the darkness, so we couldn’t really get lost. As it was dark, we had decided to keep close to the edge of the common land rather than go through the middle where someone might break an ankle falling over or into something.

All this took time. On a normal day with good visibility, we could have gone a lot further, but this wasn’t good visibility and we were trying not to get caught, so I felt that we were going at a snail’s pace. The one thing that worried us, other than getting caught of course, was not finding somewhere to hide out by dawn.

To be honest, we were all pretty tired. We hadn’t rested much before leaving the school and none of us were used to this sort of thing at the dead of night. So we were tired, scared and unsure as to whether we were doing the right thing.

Albert or rather Helen was very quiet and quite miserable. I had no idea whether it was because she was, like the rest of us, scared witless or the fact that she had to pretend to be a girl. That thought was something that I found hard to comprehend. Surely everyone wanted to be a girl?

We had to refer to Helen as she as we didn’t want to give the game away and anyway, the way she was dressed was nothing like a boy would be wearing. I was very much afraid that she would have to lump it and accept that she was, as far as the world was concerned, a girl. Any alternative to that might lead to something awful happening.

I wasn’t paying much attention to where I was going as I was deep in thought and I promptly tripped up on an exposed but unseen tree root.

‘Blast,’ I exclaimed as I went over and grazed my knee.

‘SHHH!’ cried out everyone as I was helped to my feet.

‘Not much sympathy here,’ I thought as we continued on after I wiped my sore knee with a rather grubby hanky.

Then I needed to go to the toilet, but there wasn’t one. Mind you, there were plenty of trees so I went behind one and squatted down. I never did like standing up and weeing, but I could see the advantages of this method when I got a bit splashed. The things we girls had to go through!

Others had the same idea as me and they were lurking behind their own individual tree. I had a feeling that Helen stood up to do the necessary, but there was no way I was going to remark on it!

We carried on in single file. It was cold and all we could hear for a while was the sound of our rather laboured breathing and the occasional engine noise from planes and vehicles on the road. I didn’t hear any more gunfire and I wondered if all of our people had been captured, killed or had just gone away.

In the gloom, we saw the prison and I wondered who was in there now. Would they have sent the prisoners to some place of work? I couldn’t believe that they would just be left in there. Sometime later I found out that political prisoners were sent there, some never to come out alive. The original prisoners themselves were sent to mines to work on coal faces.

It all seemed so strange. I always thought that Great Britain would never be conquered and here we were, fleeing for our lives, our government in tatters, our leaders dead and we had, as a country, surrendered. I hated the idea of us being bossed about by the Germans and I had a deep intense feeling that I wanted to get my own back on the people that had killed my parents and sister.

We came off the common at about 2.30 in the morning and then by the dim light of a street lamp, we huddled around the map to try to decide, in whispers, where we should go.

Around about us were houses but all was dark. We had no idea who was in the houses, but we were worried that it could have been soldiers billeted or something. I think the fact that everyone was scared witless by the threats from the occupiers, meant that even if they weren’t the enemy, no one would answer the door to us even if we tried.

We had decided though, that we wouldn’t ask for any help because we didn’t know anyone. The Black Shirts under Mosley had a large following and although Mosley had been put in prison the year before, it was known that he had a lot of followers still. I would bet a pound to a penny that those Black Shirts would come out of the woodwork now and help the Germans in any way they could.

We had heard that in other occupied countries, many had helped the enemy–often referred to as Quislings–and I saw no reason why we should risk asking for help from people with whom we no idea where their loyalties lay.

I won’t go through every road and alley we went down that night, many of which I had no idea of the name.

At one point, we were walking along a quiet road, single file and trying not to make a noise. Up ahead was a main road. It was the Uxbridge Road and we could see, even at a distance that it was busy, mainly with military traffic. We had little choice because we had to cross that road. We hoped to find a lull in the traffic and then slip across. We stopped near the corner and then we heard the sound of marching feet, lorry engines and the unmistakably squeaky sound of tank tracks.

We hid in a garden behind thick bushes, virtually on the corner but could see through the branches at what was going on the road. Lorries passed us by and then some tanks, the noise was terrific and then marching men, column after column, all heading towards the centre of London. The very ground shook and I wondered if hell was like this.

Glad gasped and we all looked out.

In between two columns of soldiers were some of our people. There were soldiers in uniform, a few sailors and RAF personnel and at the back of the raggedy column, some older men and boys–civilians. They all looked dejected and defeated. A few were chained to each other for some reason and others could barely walk, were clearly injured and had to be helped by others. Armed soldiers walked beside the prisoners and they looked like they would shoot anyone who got out of line. It was a frightening sight.

Claire suddenly stood up, a determined look on her face. I swear, given the chance she would have gone out there, but she was pulled down by two of the girls and was sat on. Luckily, she didn’t make a noise or we would have all been in trouble.

We all knew how she felt but also knew in our hearts that it was hopeless to try to help the poor unfortunates.

After half an hour the traffic lessened to a trickle and then the road was quiet again.

We made our move while we had a chance and were soon across the road and diving down yet another side street.

Claire was very quiet for a while and I knew that she was badly affected by what she had seen. I had felt deep pangs of anger and guilt that we had been powerless to do anything also; but I had put a lid on my feelings and I just held on to the hope that we would eventually win through and beat the enemy.

By now we were almost exhausted and Helen in particular looked all in. We had to stop somewhere. After looking at the map, we realised that we were on the edges of Osterley Park and after a hasty conflab, we decided to walk through it and try to find some trees and bushes where we could hide out the daylight hours. The moon had risen and we could see a bit more clearly in the clear skies. The moon was our enemy really as it might make us more visible to others.

We walked for about thirty minutes and on the skyline could see Osterley House–it was in the dark and we could see no signs of life. I knew that at one time it was a school for the Home Guard, but it had been closed the previous summer and left abandoned.

‘I’ve just about had it,’ said Helen who sat down suddenly on a tree stump.

We all tried to jolly her along, to get her going again, but it was clear that she had had enough and we needed to find somewhere to hole up.

‘Why not in there?’ asked Ethel pointing at the big old quiet building.

We looked at each other. It was a chance but still...

‘It looks peaceful enough,’ said Glad doubtfully.

‘The Germans can’t be everywhere,’ I said, ‘Maybe just one night. Take a chance and try to get some rest?’

Then it started to rain; a fine, drizzly rain that threatened to soak us in no time.

We all looked at each other, instinctively realising that it was a big chance. The building would probably be used by the Germans and that they might use it as some sort of area headquarters at some stage, but we were banking on the fact that they had just arrived in the area and didn’t realise it was here or something.

I know that this sounded weak, but we were tired, wet, sore and hungry. Any excuse was all we needed to get under some form of cover.

The rain started to teem down then and we knew that if we didn’t get out of the rain, we might all catch pneumonia.

Anyway the long and short of it was that we made our way to the mansion and went around the back to find a way in.

It was all locked up, of course, but a handy brick got us a window open and we all piled in. That was after ensuring that the place was truly empty and that there was no one in earshot.

It was very dark, but we had brought candles and matched and we lit a few and then had a look around.

The place had little furniture and what there was, were covered in sheets.

We all were a bit shy and we all found a corner to change into dry clothing. I was pleased at this as I still didn’t want to tell anyone about my thingie or explain why a physical boy was really a girl inside. We had too much going on and even though everyone was kind to Helen, I did not know how they would react to me if I told them the truth.

Helen struggled to get her dress off and put a clean one on and Claire went over and helped her. I could see that Helen was dreadfully embarrassed and I really felt for her. Mind you, as far as everyone else was concerned, ‘Albert’ was being brave and ‘putting up’ with being a girl. What would they say if they knew about me?

We made ourselves at home and after double checking that no light could be seen from the outside, we settled down, had something to eat and drink from our meagre supplies and made plans.

We looked at the map book, saw where we were and decided on the best way out of London. Not an easy task as we weren’t at all sure where road blocks and patrols would be. Glad was all for going by the most direct route possible and hiding where we had to.

‘It’s so far to go and look how tired we are at the moment. What will we be like after hundreds of miles?’

Despite this argument, her suggestion was decided to be the worst option, as we could be put in a situation where there was no alternative to getting around one of the blocked roads.

‘Maybe we should hitch a lift on a lorry or better still a train.’

‘’Difficult,’ I said, ‘we couldn’t just ask the lorry driver where he was going even and if we got away with stowing away in the back of one; I bet there are searches at check points. We have to assume that everyone, including lorry drivers, are working for the enemy.’

‘That’s right, said Glad, ‘we can’t trust anyone.’
‘Also,’ I continued, ‘it looks like all the trains are being used by the Germans. They may be well guarded. Mind you, it might be worth at least seeing what we could do about a train, just in case. If we don’t look we won’t know. There may be empty ones where we could hitch a lift on; it would save our poor feet!’

‘So we might not have to walk?’ said Claire hopefully.

‘Let’s hope so,’ said Ethel cheerfully, ‘Anyway, let’s try the train idea, after dark tomorrow. The track leading to the south west isn’t that far away and we could get lucky.’

Looking around, I sincerely hoped so. The idea of going all the way to Cornwall sounded like a good idea when I suggested it, but I hadn’t thought it all through. It was so far away.

We argued the toss for a while longer, going over and over what we could and couldn’t do, but we eventually decided that we would just have to wait and see. Everyone was dog tired and Helen was already asleep on a couch, so we decided to catch forty winks, so we all settled down for the remainder of the night, or what there was left of it.

‘WAKE UP!’ hissed Ethel as she shook me awake.

‘Wha?’

‘The Germans are coming! Come on everyone, let’s get out now before its too late, thank goodness I woke up and saw them.’

Glancing out of the window, I could see that it was beginning to get light, although it did appear to be a bit foggy outside.

Everyone struggled up and somehow we gathered our things together and headed out of the broken window by which came in.

Luckily we were at the back of the building and near a wall that led to a lane, which in turn took us out of the grounds of the Mansion without being seen. The fog helped to shroud us from unwanted eyes, for which we were truly thankful.

We could hear a lot of noises like engines, shouting, the stamping of boots and the occasional barked order echoing around the high walls of the old building.

So, as the Germans came in the front, we had sneaked out of the back. Thank goodness that Ethel was a light sleeper!

We put as much distance as we could from the activity at the mansion and soon the noise coming from the big house and its drive lessened to a dull disjointed noise. The ground was still wet from the rain in the night and our shoes and socks soon got more than a little damp, but no one complained as we had just missed being caught by the skin of our teeth.

We were in trouble still and we knew it. We couldn’t afford to be seen in the daylight, so the priority was finding somewhere to hole up during the day. Already there were more soldiers and vehicles about, making us scurry for cover when we heard footsteps or an engine. It appeared that only military vehicles were being used at the moment, rationing and shortages had limited the amount of private vehicles early on in the war but somehow the Germans didn’t seem to be that short of petrol or diesel.

Then as the fog started to lift, we saw a sight that absolutely horrified us. A tree on a street by the park, with three people hanging from one broad branch, swaying slightly in the breeze. Why they were there we didn’t know and there was no way that we were going to go close enough to have a look at the notices pinned to the front of each of them.

I felt sick and Glad actually was. The sight would haunt me for many days and it was a silent group that walked as rapidly away from the horror. One of the hanged people looked like a boy about my age...

In shock and not really believing what we had seen, we continued on without saying much. My teeth were chattering and I wondered if it was the cold or from the fright of what we had seen. Eventually we found an old house that had been partially bombed just off The Great West Road and we made the best of things in a relatively undamaged room at the back of the house, which luckily lay back a bit from the road.

And so there we were, cold, dispirited, hungry as most of our supplies were gone now, and unable to think too clearly after our experiences of the last 24 hours.

It was one of the longest days of my life. We tried to sleep but were too scared to do so in case we were found and dragged off somewhere. We did doze, but any little noise woke us up and there were a lot of noises coming from the main road. We posted two lookouts for an hour a time while the rest of us rested but our nerves were on the ragged edge and we all felt as if we had not had anything like enough sleep. We needed more food too; as we only had a tiny amount left–water was there in a water butt, undamaged outside the back door though. It wasn’t very clean water but we had to make do.

Eventually night fell and the noises outside grew less and less. Deciding that we had better get moving, we got our things together and after looking carefully, we left our temporary refuge and continued on our long journey.

We headed west, once again using side roads. The night was fine and clear and for once it wasn’t so cold. The moon was up and we could see quite clearly.

Making good time, we passed Heathrow Aerodrome which now appeared full of German planes. The place was abuzz with a lot of take offs and landings. We carried on, trying to blend with the surroundings and ever alert for danger. There were no signs of life in the surrounding, silent houses and bungalows. Not for the first time, I wondered where everyone was and it was only later that we found out that many had fled from the city and those that stayed were rounded up and were either imprisoned or to put to work by the Nazis. Huge temporary camps with holding pens had been erected in the large parks, Hyde Park and Regents Park being the two biggest.

No wonder we didn’t see anyone, although I was sure that there must be at least some people hiding away in their homes, and staying under the radar.

We continued on our weary way, stopping to rest sometimes and always aware that a patrol might be around the next corner.

We were close to Richings Park now and it was getting lighter over in the east. Luckily we found a boarded up shop on Station Road in Langley, pretty close to the railway line where we hoped that night to somehow get on a train heading west. We decided to try and get into the shop. The place was deserted and we hoped that we might be able to rest up there and maybe find something to eat and drink.

We were just about to try and get into the shop, when we heard the sounds of engines from above.

There had been a lot of air activity, and despite our need to find cover we had been constantly looking up and watching the planes as they tracked across the sky, their silhouettes and vapour trails clear in the gradually lightening sky.

Suddenly, from the north, there streaked two planes that we recognised instantly as Spitfires–we would have recognised them by the engine noise alone, as every child and adult in the country would. They were being pursued by about ten German fighters and were weaving and dodging desperately to avoid being fired at.

As one, they climbed rapidly high up in the air, vapour trails following them as they shot further up in the sky with the enemy following in their wake.

One broke to the left and the other to the right and they twisted, turned and looped and somehow found themselves behind the enemy.

They both got off shots at the enemy planes and managed to hit two of them. Another two German planes collided head on into each other and a huge explosion rocked the sky. That left six German fighters to our two. Then the Spitfires looped around again, almost as if they were attached to each other by a long string and headed straight in our direction, going over our heads at about a hundred feet and streaking away to the south with the remaining German fighters following closely like dogs chasing foxes.

We wanted to wave and cheer, but that would have been foolish. We had thought that all our forces had surrendered but that obviously wasn’t the case. It gave us heart and cheer where we had none before.

We continued on with more of a spring in our steps, hoping that our brave lads would outrun the Germans and make it to safety, wherever that was. We were a good deal happier now that we had seen that at least some of us were willing to fight.

We broke into the shop using a stout metal washing line prop that we found in the small back yard. As usual, we used the rear entrance as it would be out of sight from the road and any prying eyes, but the splintering noise from the door when we prised it open would have woken the dead. We stopped, holding our collective breath and then when nothing happened we all piled in.

By the light of candles we had a look around. It was a general grocery shop very like that one I had stayed in a few nights before and we were in luck as much of the stock was still in there with lots of boxes, tins and packets strewn about, as if the owners had left in a hurry, but we had more than enough for us to be able to eat our fill and take what we needed.

I felt some qualms about taking the things, but this was an emergency and I hoped that the owners would understand our plight, if they ever came back. Anyway, Glad said that she believed that the Germans would probably take everything that wasn’t nailed down anyway. With that thought in mind we ate as much as we could eat and made a small pile of provisions to take with us when we were able to move on. Mind you, with rationing, our choices weren’t that great.

The shop had tins of fruit, tomatoes, peas and carrots, not forgetting spam. Also there was some rather iffy cheese, but when needs must, you make do, so we scraped off the green stuff and ate it anyway. There were also some dried eggs, although we couldn’t light a fire; we took some of the packets in the hope that we might be able to use them at a later date. We found some bottles of drink–orangeade, lemonade and cream soda and we wasted no time in opening some and drinking our fill. It was much nicer than the dirty water that we had been used to for a while!

As we sat around in the little sitting room at the back of the shop, feeling more comfortable than we had for ages, we talked about what would happen next.

‘Well, I’m pooped,’ said Ethel pulling of her shoes and rubbing her feet.

‘Me too,’ said Glad. ‘I’ve walked more miles tonight than I ever have before and I swear that I've got blisters everywhere.’

‘We have all done very well.’ I said, ‘I didn’t think that we would get this far tonight. Mind you we have a long way to go.’

‘Too far for me,’ said Helen tiredly. ‘I want to get back to being a boy again. I don’t know how you girls like dresses and skirts. I’m frozen solid and my legs at the top are red raw.’

‘We have been through this before Helen...’ said Claire.

‘I’m Albert’

‘No you are Helen when dressed like that,’ I said wearily, my voice sounding slightly slurred with fatigue. ‘We must all act and be girls so that there is no chance of someone calling you Albert if we get stopped. That is why we all agreed to say ‘she and her’ rather than ‘he and him’ when talking about you. As it is, if we are caught we will all probably get taken off somewhere, and my hope is that we aren’t strip searched or something if that awful thing that does happen. It’s a fact that boys have it a lot rougher at the moment than girls and the last thing you or I want is for us to be taken away and put in with the men and boys while the girls are taken somewhere else. Didn’t you see? One of those poor people that were hanged was a boy only a bit older than us?’

I rubbed my eyes and then noticed that no one was saying anything. I took my hands away from my face to find them all staring at me. Then I realised that my mouth had spoken without thinking and I had slipped up. My heart sort of flipped and I felt like I wanted to be sick.

‘What?’ I asked, looking from one to another, knowing without them saying anything that I had given the game away.

‘Carol, are...are you a boy?’ asked Claire in a strange voice.

To be continued..?

Painting: The Spirit of London During the Blitz by Nettie Moon, 1979

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie...thanks! ~Sue

There was nothing else for it; I would have to come clean. I just nodded my head, but before anyone could speak, I somehow found my voice....

We Shall Fight On The Beaches...

Chapter 4

By Susan Brown

---

Previously...

I rubbed my eyes and then noticed that no one was saying anything. I took my hands away from my face to find them all staring at me. Then I realised that my mouth had spoken without thinking and I had slipped up. My heart sort of flipped and I felt like I wanted to be sick.

‘What?’ I asked, looking from one to another, knowing without them saying anything that I had given the game away.

‘Carol, are...are you a boy?’ asked Claire in a strange voice.

And now the story continues…

The expression on their faces didn’t give anything away. They all looked as tired as I felt but also there was something else...puzzlement maybe?

There was nothing else for it; I would have to come clean. I just nodded my head, but before anyone could speak, I somehow found my voice.

‘Yes, physically I am a boy, I...I’m not like Helen though. He...she doesn’t want to be a girl and is very brave for pretending to be someone different. I have always been a girl my head, ever since I can remember. When I heard that boys were going to be rounded up and taken away, I realised that I would have to disguise myself as a girl, but knew in my heart that it was something that I have always wanted to do anyway and it was a good excuse to forget about being a boy and be the girl that I really am inside. Do you understand?’

I looked at them and they looked at each other.

‘So,’ said Glad, ‘you have boys’ bits but a girls’ brain?’

I nodded.

‘You actually like wearing dresses?’ asked Helen, sounding as if I needed my head examined.

I nodded.

‘It’s not just the clothes, but its how I am. I never really played with any boys and much preferred being with girls. That’s why I was so close to my sister...but she’s gone now...’

They were all quiet for a moment and I wondered how they felt about me, now that they knew my secret.

Nobody said anything, so I got up and collected my things, such as they were and started cramming my few bits and pieces into my small case.

‘What are you doing?’ asked Ethel.

‘Leaving.’

‘Why?’ asked Glad.

‘Because it’s obvious that you don’t want me here.’ I sniffed,

My eyes were watering for some reason, probably allergic to being upset.

They all started talking at once and it was only when Claire shouted, ‘belt up, you morons,’ that things quietened down a bit.

‘What the heck do you think that you are doing, running out on us like this?’ she asked sternly.

I looked up from my case and could see them all staring at me.

‘I’m not what I seemed and I lied to you.’

‘About what?’ asked Claire who had obviously appointed herself as Questioner In Chief?

‘I’m not a real girl, although I want to be one and always have. Inside my head I am a girl but my body says that I’m a boy. You can’t trust me. I didn’t trust you enough to tell you my secret. I’m sorry for that. Now I’m asking you to trust me to go all the way to Cornwall and you...’

‘Yes, yes,’ said Claire impatiently, ‘we know all the stuff about you being a boy inside your head, you just told us that, but that doesn’t mean that you leave us like this.’

I looked up from my case and could see them all staring at me as if I was an animal in a zoo or something.

‘S… So you want me to stay?’

‘Course,’ said Ethel, ‘otherwise, how will we get to your Nan’s?

The others all nodded.

‘Anyway,’ piped up a grinning Helen, ‘it's nice to have another sort of boy, even though you’re realty a girl inside. I won't feel so soppy wearing these horrible girlie clothes if someone else who has a willy has to wear the stupid stuff too!’

Everyone laughed – even me.

It seemed like my secret wasn’t going spoil things, after all and I felt squishy all over.

After all the kerfuffle over me, we spent a lot of time pouring over the map and decided after a heated debate that we would at least have a look at the trains in nearby Langley. According to the map there were some sidings there and we hoped that somehow we could get on a train, at least heading in the right direction and not towards central London where we knew was full of Germans!

Outside, it rained for hours and it was good in a way as that meant that it was less likely that the enemy would be moving about so much and it gave us time for some much needed rest. Even so, we knew that we would have to get moving before dawn as there was every chance that if we stayed where we were for any length of time, we would get caught out.

We took turns keeping lookout and I was the last one on watch before I had to wake everyone up, as it was high time to get going before unwelcome visitors came calling. Luckily, it had eventually stopped raining in the night, although everything outside still looked very wet.

After having a few biscuits washed down with lemonade for breakfast, we packed our things and were off well before dawn. We were all tired and achy from our travels and unaccustomed exercise but we knew that our lives depended on us keeping moving and one step ahead of the enemy.

After crossing the park we found ourselves on deserted streets. After about twenty minutes, we found ourselves going along Market Lane, where the road went under the railway, and luckily, we found that we could scramble up the embankment and onto the track.

Soon, we were standing on the track and by the light of the moon we could see the sidings where several trains, carriages and wagons were parked, if that’s the right word for it.

‘So, what train do we try to catch?’ asked Ethel.

‘That’s a point,’ said Glad, ‘they could be going anywhere or just parked up here for days or weeks.’

Helen seemed as if she was going to say something but she just shook her head and kept quiet.

We walked along the tracks and into the various carriages and wagons. Many of the trains seemed like they were ready to go. Some had crates and boxes of stuff in them, all sealed with swastikas and German writing on them.

One train we passed had steam coming out of the bottom of it and we could feel the heat of the fire even from where we stood. I wondered if it had just arrived or was ready to go somewhere. We hadn’t a clue which was the up line and which was the down one.

‘I think...’ said Helen.

‘Not now Helen,’ said Claire, being a bit of a bossy boots, ‘let’s take a chance and get on this train. The more we stay here the more likely that we’ll be caught.

‘Isn’t it strange that there are no guards?’ asked Glad, looking around.

‘You’re right,’ said Carol,’ it’s awfully quiet. Where is everyone?’

Almost if on cue, we heard a whistle sounding and almost immediately after, the sound of tramping boots – lots of them!

‘Quick, let’s get on the train before it’s too late!’ shouted Claire.

We were standing next to one of the box wagons and the sliding doors were open. Inside were lots of small and medium sized boxes. We didn’t stop to think but just scrambled up. Helen the last one in and then Glad and Ethel slide the door in place. None too soon as we heard the running steps outside and a lot of shouting.

We moved around some of the crates and managed to hide behind a pile of them. We were so worried that the wagon might be inspected and our makeshift hiding place revealed.

At first, it was dark inside the wagon and we couldn’t see much, but there were gaps in the side panels and we could see much better when floodlights outside were suddenly switched on. We did some more rearranging of the boxes, which were luckily not too heavy and then, effectively, we made an area behind the boxes in the corner where we could sit and wait to see what happened without too much risk of being caught, unless a lot of crates and boxes were moved out of the way.

No one talked. We were so concerned that we might be heard. We needn’t have worried though as there was so much noise coming from outside. We just held our collective breaths and wait to see what was going to happen.

I was scared witless, my mind going overboard with what might happen to us if we were found hiding in the wagon. I had no illusions that we would be sent on our way with a lollypop and a pat on the head. This was real life and if we weren’t shot or strung up on a lamppost for being out on curfew, we would at least be put in one of the prison camps that had been set up around the country.

We were all holding hands, for comfort; something that big strong boys wouldn’t do but something that came quite naturally as girls, even pretend ones like Helen and want-to-be ones like little me.

We all jumped at the sound of a train whistle. Then we were jolted to the side, as the train started moving!

The train blew another whistle as it gathered speed. Where we were going, I hadn’t a clue. We could be going back into London for all I knew, “out of the frying pan into the fire,” as my mum often said.

The noise as the wheels went over the points and then gathered even more speed, was tremendous, making it almost deafening and we couldn’t have held a conversation even if we wanted to. Through the gaps in the side of the wagon timbers, I could see that it was getting lighter outside, but it still wasn’t light enough to tell where we were going.

Where were we going?

Gradually it got lighter outsider and to our relief, rather than seeing lots of houses and other buildings, we appeared to be going into the country. Claire, who was a bit of a clever clogs, worked out from the position of the sun that we were heading west!

The noise from the train continued to be close to deafening in the uninsulated wagon and the smoke from the train was getting into our lungs, despite the fact that we were near the back of the train, but we weren’t complaining, we were on a our way!

After about two hours, we slowly stopped. We thought that this was it, trouble and that we would be found out, but it appeared that the engine was thirsty and it needed watering. Looking out, we could see that the train had stopped on a bend, by a water tower and was taking on water. The welcome quiet gave us time to at least whisper to each other.

‘This is a bit of luck,’ said Carol, ‘we could have gone the other way and then we would have been in a pickle.’

‘We could still be in trouble,’ cautioned Claire, ‘we still don’t have a clue where we are going. But it does seem like we’re heading west.’

‘We are heading west,’ said Helen and we are on the Paddington, Reading, Taunton to Exeter line.’

‘How do you know that?’ asked Glad, rather disbelievingly, I thought.

‘I’m a train spotter and I know my stuff, do you want to make something of it?’

‘Why didn’t you say something before?’

‘Nobody was listening to me,’ she said, looking pointedly at Claire.

‘Girls aren’t train spotters...oh sorry Helen,’ said Claire shamefacedly.

Helen just poked her tongue out and we all smiled.

You could see the boy in Helen coming out and he or rather she would have to watch it, or she could be caught out.

About the spotting thing, there were a couple of boys who used to live in my street and they were a bit fanatical about all things to do with trains, so I knew that if Helen said something to do with choo- choos and all things railway, she would probably be right.

‘Helen knows what she’s talking about, so we have to go by what she says.’ I said quickly, to defuse any further argument, ‘so hopefully, we are heading towards Exeter, if we don’t stop on the way. I suppose that they are using the trains because that’s the quickest way to cover the country. That means that there are probably some soldiers on the train, so we have to be extra careful and at any sign of trouble when we stop, we will have to get off sharpish and take cover.’

Nobody had a chance to argue about that as the train jerked suddenly and we were off again.

As we went along, we ate and drank from our meagre supply; it wasn’t much, but it kept the pangs away. I only hoped that we would be able to get away at the other end or wherever we were going and that we could find supplies that would allow us to carry on and give us the energy to get to my Nan’s house.

That made me wonder if she was still there or even alive. She was quite old, at least fifty and I wondered if we were going on a wild goose chase. She could have moved, been captured or even be dead for all I knew.

We were all a bit sleepy and in fact I think that we all eventually dropped off, despite the noise and the rattling of the train wheels over the tracks. Suddenly, there was a screeching of breaks and we all woke up. Ethel looked out through a crack and she whispered, ‘station, Taunton.’

There was plenty of noise with doors banging, a lot of shouting, I think in German, and the scraping of multiple boots. We hid ourselves away and made sure that the boxes and crates hid us from sight. Whether this would work we had no idea, but we hadn’t had a chance to get off the train and we would just have to take our chances.

What sounded like barked orders seemed to bring some sense of order to the noises outside and in a few minutes we heard the tramping of marching feet. We dared not look up from our hiding place to see what was going on and I admit to almost wetting myself with the fear of discovery.

The shouting and marching receded gradually into the distance and we started to relax a bit. Then, all of a sudden, the door of our wagon was slid open.

We all seemed to jump three feet when a German voice shouted something and then we heard a thump as the man got in the wagon and started shifting boxes about.

‘Gott in Himmel,’ I think he said.

He got nearer and nearer to us, muttering and I think swearing; well it all sounded like swearing to me, but what did I know? What I did know was that I was more scared than I had ever been since I saw our bombed house with my Mum and Sister buried under it.

There was a metal bar just behind us and Alison grabbed it. It was obvious that she wasn’t going to give in without a fight and I think that we all felt the same. A crate in front of me moved and I bunched my fist. Maybe I could hit him in the nose or something whilst Alison brain him and the others could pile in too...

I held my breath as I clutched Helen’s hand. She was shaking like a leaf or maybe it was me who was doing the shaking.

I was never much good at fighting...

This was it, discovery and then, who knew what. Hitting the man would definitely bring others down on us. Should we just give in?

If we did give in, would we be shot or perhaps put into an internment camp? What would happen to me and Helen when it was discovered that we had boy bits under our skirts?

Looking at the others, I could see that although they were as scared as I was, they were determined not to just give in. They meant to fight and that gave me a courage that I didn’t know I had and I just braced myself and waited for the inevitable discovery.

The crate in front of me started to move...

My heart was in my mouth and I didn’t know if I just wanted to cry or maybe just faint away from this nightmare.

Suddenly, there was a shout outside and it was answered by the man just in front of the crates we were cowering behind.

It sounded like he turned around and then he shouted something unintelligible. His footsteps went across the wagon and we could hear him jump down onto the stones by the side of the track, pull the door across and then run way from where we were hiding. Suddenly the train whistle blasted and the train started moving. We were on our way again and had just escaped discovery by the skin of our teeth.

As the train gathered speed, we all looked at each other and then Glad started laughing, followed by the rest of us. It wasn’t a natural laugh as it seemed to me almost hysterical. Maybe we needed that release and it was either that or crying our eyes out.

We had escaped discovery this time. I wondered how long our luck would hold and whether we would manage to find my Nan.

To be continued..?

Painting: The Spirit of London During the Blitz by Nettie Moon, 1979

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie...thanks! ~Sue

Would she still be in Polperro or were we just going on a wild goose chase?


We Shall Fight On The Beaches...

Chapter 5

By Susan Brown

---

Previously...

As the train gathered speed, we all looked at each other and then Glad started laughing, followed by the rest of us. It wasn’t a natural laugh as it seemed to me almost hysterical. Maybe we needed that release and it was either that or crying our eyes out.

We had escaped discovery this time. I wondered how long our luck would hold and whether we would be able to find my Nan.

And now the story continues…

The train gathered speed and soon we were rattling along at a fast pace. I felt my eyes droop a bit and before I knew it, I was asleep. You might be surprised that I could actually sleep after all that had happened, but it was a fact that we had been living on the edge for such a long time and something had to give.

After a while, I awoke. The others, I could see dimly, were all asleep. Looking out through gap in the wall of the wagon, I could see country going by and then some buildings, but I hadn't a clue as to where we were or where we were going to actually end up.

I tried to remember my Nan, I hadn't seen much of her and what I had seen of her just left the impression that she was nice, kind but a little distant maybe. I was only a kid when I saw her last – that made me laugh, I was still a kid, but all that had happened made me feel less like one than I should have been. Mum had kept in touch with her by letter but that was about as close as we had been in contact with her for a number of years.

Would she still be in Polperro or were we just going on a wild goose chase?

Ethel woke up then and looked at me.

‘Where are we?’ she asked, yawning and stretching.

‘England?’ I replied.

‘Ha,ha,’ she replied.

‘I think that its mid afternoon now. Glad had a watch but it got broken, so I haven’t a clue what the time is.’

We were holding the conversation with our heads close together. The noise of the wheels over the tracks made it impossible to have a normal talk. The others, from what I could see through the gloom, were still asleep. Helen, bless her, had a thumb in her mouth and she looked about six years old. It must have been very hard for her and I thought that it was wonderful the way she was coping.

Just then, the rattling of the wheels grew louder as we went over a series of points.

Looking out through the gap, I saw us pass through a station and I managed to see the name.

‘Exeter, we are getting closer to Cornwall.’

‘We’ve been very lucky to get this far,’ said Ethel, ‘just imagine how long it would have taken by foot!’

‘Months probably!’

The train carried on and stopped a few times for some reason. By this time, we were all awake, but still worn out from our experiences and the less than comfortable journey.

I wasn’t complaining though, as I knew that the further we went on the train, the nearer we would we be to our destination.

Helen put a spanner in the works when she piped up, ‘there are lots of branches on this line, we could go anywhere.’

I had already told them that my Nan lived in a small fishing village on the coast called Polperro. I only remembered it vaguely but recalled that it was very pretty.

‘As long as we stay on the main line to Penzance, we should be okay,’ said Helen, ‘but we can’t just stop the train, we have to get as near as possible to, I think, Liskeard and the get off. Otherwise we could just go all the way to Penzance, which is miles away from where we want to go.’

‘Well,’ said Alison, ‘I’m getting fed up with all this. I think that we should have stayed in London.’

‘You never said anything about that before,’ said Claire, crossly.

‘We don’t know where we are going to end up, that’s the trouble. The train isn’t going to stop just where we want it to. It’ll probably go off in a different direction and we will end up in Scotland or something.’

‘This line doesn’t go up to Scotland,’ said Helen.

‘That’s what you say,’ said Alison dismissively.

‘Enough,’ said Ethel, ‘arguing will not help. Alison, you agreed to come and it’s no good you coming out with silly talk like that. We all agreed that we would come down here and I for one am pleased that we are out of London. I think we should all pull together and not argue.’

Alison looked at us all and could see the agreement on our faces. She then turned away and for some reason burst into tears.

Glad went over to her and hugged her and then looked over to us and mouthed something like ‘rag,’ for some reason. I thought that that was a funny thing to say and I turned to Ethel and she looked at me knowingly.

‘Rag?’ I said.

‘It’s her time of the month.’

‘For what?’

‘Her period.’

‘What’s that?’

She looked at me pityingly and then started whispering in my ear...

There was an awful lot that I didn’t know about being a girl, some of it, not very nice!

Yet again, I was nearly dropping off to sleep and had totally lost any idea what time it might be or where we actually were, when the train braked suddenly with a squeal and I heard a noise over and above the sound of the train going over the tracks.

There were several explosions and the wagon that we were in, rocked from side to side and then, shuddering to a halt it sort of started leaning to the side!

We were close to panic and any sleepiness we had, instantly evaporated. There were more explosions and gunfire. We knew that we were a-goner if we stayed where we were. That wasn’t an option anyway as part of the side of the wagon fell away, leaving us looking at the ground. It was a miracle that none of us had fallen out. The boxes and crates were tumbled about all over the place and we had to extract Glad and Ethel from under a couple of them.

‘Quick,’ said Claire, ‘let’s get out of here!’

Easier said than done; there appeared to be lots of German soldiers about, running up and down the track and making plenty of noise. It seemed like they were mostly going to the front of the train though and we took our chances when there didn't seem to be anyone near us or looking our way.

Plumes of smoke came from the front of the train and we could see what looked like a huge crater where the tracks had been torn up with the explosion and the front wheels of the train hung precariously over the edge. The soldiers were all now at the front as far as we could see and we took our opportunity to escape down the bank and into the bushes by the side of the track.

Luck was with us for once and we were not seen. As quickly as possible, we left the scene and gradually the noise lessened. We had no idea why the soldiers were firing off their guns because, as far as we could see, there wasn't anyone around that they could fire at. We scrambled around the hill and then carefully made our way to the top and, keeping low and being careful not to be seen, we looked down on the carnage.

From our high vantage point, we could see better the mess that was at the front of the train. It had been a good job that the train had been going so slowly, as if it had been any faster, the damage to the train and U.S. Would have been much greater. As it was, the front of the engine was half in the crater and several wagons had completely overturned.

The wagon that we had been in was near the rear of the train and had a small amount of damage compared to ones nearer the front.

Lots of soldiers were milling about and obviously looking for whoever caused the damage. This meant that we were in the wrong place and had to get out of there fast.

‘Come on,’ said Claire, ‘let's get out of here!’

We didn't waste any more time and carrying our bags and cases, we went off down the bank away from where all the activity was.

Before us there stretched some fields and hedges; we had no idea where we were, but it was more important that we get away from the track as soon as possible, before we were caught.

We found a gap in a hedge and made our way through it. On the other side, was a lane and after a few moments of indecision as to which way we should go, we took pot-luck and went right, listening out for any noises that might indicate that we were not alone!

We must have looked a strange bunch walking along the lane with our bags and cases. We didn’t say much, each caught up with our own thoughts. I was wondering what had caused the explosion that ripped up the track and caused the train to derail. Was it members of the local resistance? That seemed like the most likely explanation.

We came to a sharp bend in the lane and we slowed to a stop whilst Alison went up ahead and peaked around the corner. After a moment she motioned us forward. I could see that we reached a crossroads. There was also a sign, which was helpful, but strange, because most signs had been taken down early in the war to confuse enemy spies. Anyway, the sign pointed to Menheniot in one direction (2 miles) and Looe (12 miles) in the other. I just that the sign hadn’t been tampered with.

‘Hang on,’ I said excitedly, ‘I think Looe is near Polperro, Mum mentioned it when we visited when Nan first went to live down here.’

‘Well, said Alison, ‘what are we hanging around here for, let’s get going!’

‘Alison is still feeling a bit off,’ I thought as we went down the lane towards Looe.

After walking for some time, we heard the sound of engines in the distance, coming towards us. We scrambled across the road, jumped over a gate and hid in a field behind a wall.

None too soon as just as we hid, several lorries went past us at speed heading the way we had come! I assumed that it was in response to the train crash and I was more than pleased that we had got away when we did.

We had to assume that any motorised traffic would be the enemies and we couldn’t take any chances.

By now, the sun was setting lower in the sky and we wondered, as we continued our journey, if we shouldn’t hide up somewhere for the night.

I wasn’t sure how far we were from Looe or how easy it would be to get from there to Polperro. We had a map before, but somehow it had been left on the wagon when we made our panicked escape.

Moments later we could hear the sound of engines again, but not cars or lorries but aero engines. Looking up at the darkening sky, we could see several large aircraft. Like most kids we could spot planes quite easily, even German ones, these were Junkers Ju52’s, transport planes, used extensively by the enemy. Judging by where the sun was, setting in the west, they were heading towards the east and London. Then we heard the sounds of more engines but not like normal ones, these had a much higher pitch and looking up, we could see several planes screech across the sky, they had a funny shape and I couldn’t see any props...

I later found out that it was one of those jets that Germany had been rumoured to have started producing...

I wondered if the planes were on a return leg after dropping off troops and or supplies to the West Country. I had hoped, due to the remoteness of Cornwall, that the war had not touched that part of the world, but after seeing the bomb crater and damaged train, the lorries going along the lane and now the planes up above, it appeared that the enemy was everywhere.

We carried on walking and soon the sun went down below the horizon and it was fast approaching dusk. Helen started limping.

‘What’s wrong? asked Ethel.

‘My feet hurt, theses shoes are pinching me. I don’t think that they fit very well.’

Helen had small feet and we had difficulty in finding ones that fit her, so it didn’t surprise me that she was in pain, what did surprise me was that she hadn’t complained before.

‘We should try to find somewhere to stop over for the night,’ said Alison.

I think that we all agreed as there was no arguing that one!

We had passed a few cottages and a large house on our travels. They had all appeared to be empty or had no signs of life anyway, but we had been wary of looking very closely, just in case they were inhabited by unfriendly residents or even more unfriendly Nazis.

About three hundred yards further on, we passed a track that looked like tractors and other vehicles had used occasionally. We took a chance and walked down the track. We nearly gave up and turned around, as it looked like the track led nowhere and the sides looked overgrown, but we went round a bend and there it was, a rose covered thatched cottage!

Claire and Glad went on ahead and had a look-see. In a minute, they came back to report that when they looked through the windows, the place seemed empty and looked like it had been that way for some time. They tried the door to the kitchen and it had been unlocked and when they went inside, they could see that the occupants appeared to have left in a hurry, not even bothering to clear some food from the table or wash the dishes.

It was starting to get really dark, so we decided to stay for the night and leave just after dawn the next day. Being out of the way and off the road, we hoped that we would be safe. It was only to be for one night and we were, by now, desperately tired.

It was a cosy cottage and luckily, we found some candles, so that we could at least see what we were doing. There were two bedrooms upstairs, but we all decided to sleep together in the sitting room. We didn’t take a chance on lighting a fire or the range, just in case the smoke might be seen in the strong moonlight from the clear sky. Instead, we ate some of the rations from our now ever dwindling supplies.

Once we all settled down, using blankets found in a cupboard to keep us warm, we discussed a plan of action for the next day.

‘Well Carol,’ said Claire, ‘what happens next?’

They all looked at me expectantly; making me realise that this was my show. I had persuaded them to come all the way to Cornwall to find my Nan and it was up to me to make sure that we found her.

I had a sick feeling in my stomach that if and when we did manage to find her cottage, she might not be there and like the people who lived in this cottage, she might be gone.

They were still looking at me.

‘First we need a map. Lets hunt around and see if there’s one here.’

So that’s what we did and once again, we were in luck as Helen found an AA Touring Map Guide Book dated 1938 in a book case.

‘Well done Helen.’ I said and she smiled with pride at the praise.

We went into the kitchen with a couple of the candles and all sat around the table.

It didn’t take us long to work out roughly were we were and we could then see where we needed to go.

‘Hmm,’ I said, ‘the quickest way would be to go to East Looe; but we need to cross the river to West Looe and then we could make our way to Polperro. But getting across the river will be tricky as there probably isn’t the ferry running and even if it was, it’s bound to be controlled by the Germans or their sympathisers.’

‘Sympathisers, what do you mean by that?’ asked Helen, who was really coming out of her shell by now.

‘People who don’t mind the Germans taking over. Sometimes they’re called Quislings for some reason,’ said Glad, ‘they sometimes even help them run things. I read in the paper once that it happens a lot, it did in France, Belgium other occupied countries and I wouldn’t be surprised if it happens over here. Moseley and his mob of Black Shirts have supported Hitler for years and there are quite a few ordinary people who believe that the war and all our problems would end if Germany had its way. These stupid people somehow think that things will be better under the Germans.’

‘That’s rubbish!’ said Claire hotly.

‘We know that but others don’t so we have to be doubly careful who we get friendly with,’ I said.

‘This isn’t getting us anywhere,’ said Glad, ‘let’s stop arguing and decide what we are going to do. The way I see it is we either try for the River Looe and find a boat or something to cross it or we go the long way round by road.’

In the end, we decided that although we could to try to get across the river at Looe as it would save a lot of time, there would be every chance that a boat wouldn’t be available and even worse, we might be seen attempting to cross.

We knew that the longer time we spent on travelling, the more chance we would have of getting caught, but better to go a quieter route than chance going near a built up area when we had no idea if it was occupied by the enemy or their sympathisers.

After that decision was made, we got our heads down for a well needed sleep. We should have kept some sort of guard, but we were all worn out and desperately needed to get some sleep.

Dawn found us back on the road after a hasty breakfast of biscuits and lemonade, not perfect but that was all we had left of our rations. We had decided that we would try to find food somewhere that day, otherwise we would starve and an army marches on it’s stomach!

After our rest, we had felt a lot better and made pretty good time. We were alert at all times, knowing that we were now effectively in an occupied country and around every corner the enemy could lurk.

By now, I had almost forgotten that I used to dress as a boy. Skirts and blouses seemed quite normal to me and I had no intention of ever being dressed as a boy again. It was just about the only good thing to come out of the mess that I found myself in and it was something to keep hold of when things got rough, which it had frequently on our long journey west.

It was nice that all the girls considered me to be one of them. No one ever mentioned my past and for that, I was grateful. Helen too seemed to be much happier in skirts now and I could see that she had lost much of her shyness and she was coming out of her shell and not being so self conscious about her situation.

We stuck to small lanes with high hedging and walls, steering clear of any major roads and only crossing them when we were sure that no one was coming. We came up to a small village called Trewidland but luckily for us, we found it empty, making us wonder where everyone had gone.

That was the strange thing about all this; it was as if Cornwall was empty. There was nobody about anywhere. We learnt later that people that lived in the smaller villages and hamlets had been transferred to larger populated areas where they could be of more use to the Germans. Another reason why they did this was because the German army was by now stretched and they found it much easier to police towns than the smaller places dotted around the country.

Continuing on, we found ourselves crossing a narrow bridge, the river underneath was, according to the map book, the East Looe River. We were getting ever nearer to our destination! We went through the hamlet of Causeland, once again, deserted and saw the railway track to the left of us. Eventually we arrived at Duloe, a village with a pub in it. There wasn’t anyone around and so we decided to go into the pub for a rest and a pint – joke!

The doors weren’t locked, which was a surprise, so we just walked in. The pub looked like it was just waiting for the locals to come in and there wasn’t any sign of ransacking. Going into the kitchens we found some food in the larder including a ham and a huge chicken pie. The fact that these items looked fresh was a sure sign that the owners had only left in the last few days.

We took turns keeping a lookout from an upstairs window whilst the rest of us ate our meal and drank soft drinks from the bar. Ethel wanted to try something stronger – just to see what it tasted like- but we all pooh-poohed that, as we didn’t need drunkenness added to our problems!

Inevitably, we started to wonder how things would work out for us and the also the country. It looked like there was some resistance dotted about but we couldn’t guess how widespread that resistance was. I also could not believe that we would just lie down and give in without a fight. We had all lost loved ones to this hated regime and we all wanted to get our own back; not just revenge, but to be free again and be able to live without fear.

All too soon, it was time to go and we found ourselves back on the road again. We felt somewhat better after stuffing ourselves with food and it gave us the energy to get a move on. We wanted to get to Polperro before it got dark. It wasn’t many miles, as far as we knew, but we had to be careful not to come across any undesirables, so every time we came near buildings, someone would do a recky to make sure that all was clear.

It was when we were only about five miles by our reckoning from Polperro, at T the junction where one way went to Looe and the other to Polperro, where we heard some heavy engine noises. We hid behind a stone wall as several lorries thundered pass us going towards Looe. Quickly peeping up, I could see that they were military lorries driven by soldiers and I was so pleased that we hadn’t been caught walking down that road, as there weren’t many places to hide.

The idea that Cornwall was empty was shot to ribbons then!

‘That was close,’ said Ethel as we came out from our hiding place and carried on.

She wasn’t kidding.

After that, we were, if anything, even more diligent as we continued towards Polperro.

Glad came up to me as we walked.

‘Carol, where exactly does your Nan live?’

‘Erm.’

‘What do you mean ‘erm’?’

‘Well, I don’t exactly know the address...’

‘What!’

‘I never took down the address,I was only little!' I replied rather crossly, ' but I do know the name of her cottage and I do know that it’s by the side of the harbour, and it had sky blue walls, a red roof and white painted windows and doors and the knocker is a brass dolphin, so there can’t be that many places that are like that.’

‘I hope that you’re right. Look, don’t tell the others what you told me, they’ll only worry...’

‘They’ll know soon enough.’

‘I know but let’s get there first.’

Maybe I should have told them before that I wasn’t sure where Nan lived, but how many cottages could look like that?

We eventually came to a fairly steep hill leading down to what must have been Polperro, although there were no signs up. We couldn’t see the sea as there were hills and trees in the way. But the seagulls and the sea air made it obvious that we were heading in the right direction.

At one point we hid behind a wall as several people passed us going back the way we came. Looking at them, they looked like locals, but we weren’t going to take any chances and we let them go without them knowing of our presence.

Then, almost immediately, we heard the sound of more voices coming our way and we had to, yet again, hide away. We could hear that they were speaking English, but we had no idea whether they were friends or foes. It was a terrible position to be in. It went totally against all I believed that there could be traitors amongst the British people that would go over to the other side and actually help the enemy to cause us so much misery, but there are rotten apples in every barrel and we were not taking any chances as our very lives depended on it.

When the people had gone, we had a hushed chat about what we should do.

‘There are more people about here, said Ethel, ‘we need to decide whether we should go on or wait until nightfall, up ahead are some cottages and all we need is for some nosy busybody to see us.’

‘I wonder if the Germans are here yet?’ said Glad.

‘They probably are,’ said Claire, ‘or at least an advanced party anyway. We should find somewhere to hole up and wait for tonight and then sneak in under the cover of darkness. What do you all think?’

Although I was dying to see my Nan, I saw sense in being cautious and so did everyone else. We had come such a long way and we didn’t want to get caught out now. I recalled passing a cottage further up the road that looked more or less abandoned, as there were weeds growing tall in the garden and the building had a general air of neglect. We agreed to stay there until the evening and then, under the cover of darkness, we would go down into the village and try to find my Nan.

We went back up the road and broke into the cottage. Any feelings we felt of guilt at doing this was outweighed by our need to get somewhere safe. We had a little food and drink saved from our previous place of refuge and we took the opportunity to get rid of the hunger pangs while we waited for darkness to fall.

The occasional vehicle, horses and people passed by the cottage but no military traffic. We could see that from the vantage point of the upstairs bedroom window. After eating, we took turns resting whist one of us kept a watch. As I lay down as best I could on a sofa, my mind began to wonder a bit.

Was it right for me to consider myself as a girl? I had always thought so, but now I was coming close to seeing my Nan, I had big worries about how she would react to my not being the boy she thought I was; would she recognise me? I had no ideas, as I can’t really remember her being around much as we grew up and I would have looked different to her, even dressed as a boy. Should I somehow try to look more boy-like when we went to find her, that’s all supposing that she was still in Polperro?

I shook my head. I would never dress or act as a boy again if I had anything to do with it.

Sighing, I shut my eyes and was soon asleep.

Glad gently shook my shoulder. Opening my eyes, I could see her shape in the gloom.

‘Time to go,’ she said.

Yawning, I sat up, then, as the others got there things together, I went to the outside toilet and did the necessary. For as long as I could remember, I had always sat down to use the toilet and it was as natural to me as breathing. I had seen some boys standing and weeing, but that was not for me. The only danger for me was whether my skirt had been caught up in my knickers, a big no-no for any girl!

Picking up our things, we were soon ready for the final short leg of our trip. We made our way down The Coombe towards Polperro as quietly as possible, not attracting any attention from possible curtain twitchers. Some of the cottages and houses had lights in them so the village was far from empty.

As we got nearer to the village centre, the building became more numerous and we became even more cautious. A few times we had to hide as there were now a few more people about including a policeman.

Now, in the old days, policemen were the ones we went to if we had problems, indeed the local bobby that used to patrol my street was a friendly man and was the uncle of one of my mates, but now, we had no idea what position the police force had with the invaders. Were they part of the administration or not?

We hadn’t a clue and we weren’t taking any chances. Six girls walking down the road with cases and bags would have caught the attention of anyone, and in particular a policeman, so we kept out of the way until the coast was clear.

We stayed hidden behind a garden wall for what seemed like ages but eventually, we ventured out again when all seemed quiet.

From what we could see in the gloom, Polperro was a pretty place with lots of brightly painted cottages, the occasional pub and a few shops. The area hadn’t seen or experienced the bombings like we had in London and if I didn’t know better, it would have been as if the war had never taken place, everything looked so normal. I did know that parts of Cornwall had been bombed heavily, especially around the various airfields dotted about the place. I also knew, because Mum told me, that pillboxes were everywhere, in case of invasion. Well they hadn’t been much use, had they?

The clock on Polperro Methodist Church said that it was just after ten o’clock and the centre of the village now seemed as quiet as the grave apart from the noise of the seagulls. Most of the lights had gone out and we had to rely on the moon to guide us on our way. Going downhill, we reached the harbour, full of bobbing boats, most of them used for fishing. The smell of fish was ever present as was the salty sea air. There were quite a few seagulls about, no doubt looking for food and there were the cottages were sprinkled all up the hillsides and huddled around the harbour.

Just then, we heard some piano music and laughter in the distance. Sneaking around a corner, we saw a pub called the Blue Peter Inn. I was tempted to go and look to see who was in there but, I was dragged back by Claire and told not to be silly.

It was a bit stupid, thinking about it!

Mind you, I thought that it was a bit thick, with all the terrible things happening, that people
could laugh and sing like that. Didn’t they know what was going on all around the country?

We went back around the corner and then everyone was looking at me.

‘What?’ I asked.

‘Well, where does your Nan live then?’ asked Ethel.

‘Erm, well girls, it’s like this...’

To be continued..?

Painting: The Spirit of London During the Blitz by Nettie Moon, 1979

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie...thanks! ~Sue

‘You haven’t got her address!’ said Alison, her voice rising above a whisper for the first time...


We Shall Fight On The Beaches...

Chapter 6

By Susan Brown

---

Previously...

Just then, we heard some piano music and laughter in the distance. Sneaking around a corner, we saw a pub called the Blue Peter Inn. I was tempted to go and look to see who was in there but, I was dragged back by Claire and told not to be silly.

It was a bit stupid, thinking about it!

Mind you, I thought that it was a bit thick, with all the terrible things happening, that people
could laugh and sing like that; didn’t they know what was going on all around the country?

We went back around the corner and then everyone was looking at me.

‘What?’ I asked.

‘Well, where does your Nan live then?’ asked Ethel.

‘Erm, well girls, it’s like this...’

And now the story continues…

‘What do you mean “it’s like this?”’ asked Alison.

‘I haven’t actually got her address, but...’

‘You haven’t got her address!’ said Alison, her voice rising above a whisper for the first time.

‘Shhhh!’ said everyone as Alison looked like she was going to start shouting and raise the village before long.

We went further down the road and into an alley, where I tried to explain the situation.

‘Look,’ I said, ‘I don’t think that my mum ever told me the address and the last time we came down here I was very young, but...’

‘Well, that’s just great,’ said Alison, ‘we come all the way down here risking our lives and when we get here, little Miss Perfect doesn’t even know where we are supposed to be going. I think...’

‘No-one cares what you think,’ said Glad, ‘if you can keep your mouth shut for five seconds and then maybe Carol can explain.’

Alison looked as if she wanted to argue some more so I hurried on with my explanation.

‘Look I know that I should have told you more, but I was convinced that once we were down here, I would be able to find her house without much trouble.’

I explained what I knew about the house and where roughly it was.

‘Well, that’s quite a good description,’ said Ethel kindly, making me feel a bit better, ‘but at this time of night, it could be difficult to find it.’

‘We can’t go about during the day,’ said Claire, ‘we would look suspicious and we don’t know what it’s like around here. The place looks could be crawling with Germans for all we know.’

‘We haven’t seen any yet though,’ said Alison sounding more reasonable now that she had calmed down a bit. She looked at me and mouthed, ‘sorry.’

I smiled and just winked. I didn’t know what it would be like to have periods, but by the look of it, I was kind of pleased that I would never have to worry about that aspect of being a girl; talk about being up and down all the time!

‘Look, we can’t just stay here,’ said Claire, ‘we have to go and at least have a look around while it’s reasonably quiet. Apart from the pub, the place seems deserted. Let’s at least have a look-see and maybe we’ll be lucky.’

So without a further word, we carefully left the alley where we had been hiding and made our way back to the waterfront where I hoped we would find my Nan’s house.

Apart from the sound of music and singing from the pub, all was quite except for the raucous cries of the seagulls overhead and around us and a fishing boat at the other end of the harbour that looked like it was just about to go to sea, we could see the figures on the deck and the lights of the boat. They were too far away for us to be worried about them though.

We carefully went past the big fish shed which, not surprisingly, smelt strongly of fish, and then carried on along the edge of the harbour. I was kind of convinced that the way we needed to go was over the other side of the harbour. I somehow seemed to recall that that was the side we should be. I had been so young when I had last visited the village, but some sort of instinctive reasoning told me that I was right.

There wasn’t much light about. I didn’t know why, maybe the blackout was still in force or something, but there were few houses that had lights showing in the windows. We made our way past several houses and a few shops and then we were on the opposite side, facing the fish sheds and near where the pub was. Even at that distance we could hear the singing and laughter coming from the pub and I felt some resentment that those drinkers could actually be enjoying themselves when our country had been invaded and taken over by the hated enemy. It was funny, in London there were swastika flags everywhere but here, I hadn’t seen one. Mind you, it was dark and I may just not be able to see any signs of occupation in the gloom.

Anyway we just carried on. Maybe, we should have paid more attention, because we were suddenly confronted by a man – a policeman! Where he popped up from, I had no idea. One moment all was clear and the next he was there!

‘What the ‘ell are you kids doin’ out on the streets at this time o’ night? There’s a bliddy curfew, yer knows that. ‘Ere, I don’t know you. Where the ‘ell ‘ave yer comes from?’

We should have just run away, but where we came from, the last thing you did was run away from a policeman. My heart was in my mouth. I had no idea how the others felt, but I was quaking in my shoes. We had no idea how much the police force was in the pockets of the Germans and we may have just landed ourselves in a whole heap of trouble!

Somehow, I found my courage and stepped forward.

‘I’m looking for my Nan; well, we all are.’ I finished lamely waving a hand in the general direction of my friends.

‘And who the ‘ell is your Nan?’

‘D...Dora Mills, Sir.’

‘’Don’t you go “sirrin’” me; I’m a constable. Dora Mills yer say, well she lives downalong The Warren over there.’

He pointed down the road.

‘Tis the Blue cottage; yer can’t miss it as it’s the only one that colour. I won’t ask why you’re here. What I don’t know I can’t tell. But get inside ‘er cottage as soon as ye can, before you’re seen by people who aren’t as friendly as me. Strangers, especially ones carryin’ suitcases are suspicious to folks around ‘ere, even kids as young as ye lot. Now get off with ye.’

He walked off and disappeared up an alley and after a look at each other we carried on. We were soon on the road he called The Warren. The houses and cottages were all in dark and there were no street lights, so it was a bit difficult to make out colours. To our right, was the harbour with the boats all bobbing about on the water.

It was a fine night and the moon suddenly had come out from behind some clouds, allowing us to see things a bit more clearly. I vaguely remembered the time when I had last visited, it seemed a lifetime ago. It was a pretty place then and I could tell that it was still lovely, with its quaint cottages dotted around the quay and up the steep hills.

We passed several cottages and a chandlers and then we were level with the harbour wall. I looked up and there it was, my Nan’s cottage. I remembered it after all and it hadn’t changed much, if at all. The cottage was up several steps. It was painted sky blue and had the same knocker on the front door.

There was a chink of light coming from the front room. My heart was in my mouth, wondering at what sort of reaction I would get dressed as I was, a girl and having several other girls in tow with me. She might just laugh at me and tell me to go away. I hated the idea of rejection. We had come so far and if it was all for nothing, I didn’t know what we would do.

‘Stay here,’ I said, ‘I’ll speak Nan first and then if everything is okay, I’ll call you. If anyone comes along, hide in the alley. Better still, go into that alley, just in case, and if everything goes well, then I’ll come and get you.’

My voice sound stronger than I felt and I was hiding my true feelings, which was of fear, fear of rejection.’

The others said nothing but it was nice that they all gave me hugs, even Alison! Then they all went around the corner leaving me to do what I had to do.

Picking up my suitcases and bag, I climbed the stone steps. Putting down my suitcase, with a trembling hand, I knocked on the door. The sound seemed quite loud and I jumped slightly as noise of the knocker seemed to echo around me. Looking around, it seemed that no one was twitching their curtains or coming out onto the street to see who was making such a racket at that time of night.

A few seconds later, I heard the sound of steps and then the door opened and I was looking down the barrel of a shotgun!

Behind the shotgun was my Nan. She looked a bit older and maybe a bit smaller than when I last saw her. Perhaps it was me, I must have grown a quite a bit since I last saw her.

‘Who are you and what do you want?’

‘H...h...hello Nan.’

She squinted at me and then whispered, ‘is that you, Sally?’

I nearly cried. She thought that I was Sally!

I shook my head and just whispered ‘John.’

‘What’s that, speak up?’

I took a deep breath and then ignoring the gun barrel, I said in a slightly stronger voice, ‘I’m John.’

She looked at me with a puzzled expression and then just said, ‘you had best come in.’

I could tell that she didn’t believe me but was sufficiently curious enough to let me into her cottage. I probably didn’t seem to pose that much of a threat to her.

From memory, the cottage hadn’t changed much, if at all. I followed her into the sitting room and she motioned me to sit down on the sofa while she sat opposite me in the fireside chair, the gun down beside her. The fire was cheerful and warmed the room nicely but I was more interested in what my Nan would say or do. I wondered once again if I was going to be laughed at or worse rejected.

Nan looked at me with a piercing gaze that made me feel like she was burrowing into my very soul.

‘John is it?’

‘Yes Nan.’

‘What’s you mums name?’

‘Betty.’

And your Dad’s?’

‘John, like me...I mean like I was John, I’m now C...Carol.’

‘Carol is it; where do you live?’

‘Ashmore Road in West Kilburn.’

‘What number?’

‘244.’

She looked at me even more closely, if that was possible.

‘Stand up and come over here.’

She stayed sitting down as I walked up to her.

I jumped slightly as she lifted up my skirt a little and peered at my bare knees. I then heard a sharp intake of breath. Standing up, she looked into my face.

‘How did you get that scar on your knee?’

‘I...I did it when I fell off my tricycle outside here, it bled lots and I cried and you made it better for me.’

Tears started trickling down my face as I remembered. It was the last day of our visit and the last time that I had been on holiday with Mum, and Sally.

I couldn’t take any more. I just collapsed in a heap on the fireside rug and holding my head in my hands, I cried my eyes out.

Suddenly, I felt myself being lifted up and I was in the arms of my Nan. In no time, it all spilled out.

‘Oh Nan, Mum and Sally are dead,’ I sobbed, ‘they were killed by a bomb, I was all alone and then I...’

With a halting voice, I explained as quickly as possible what had happened and how I found my new friends. After I finished explaining, I was drained. We both cried at our loss but finally, Nan took in what I said about my friends.

‘Where are your friends, honey?’

‘Outside, in the alley.’

‘What, they shouldn’t be out there. Go and get them and be careful, there are people about who I don’t trust as far as I could throw them.’

The fact that I had several girls outside didn’t seem to concern my Nan; she would be calm if the world was ending! She hadn’t even asked me why I was dressed as a girl, but seemed to accept me as I was. Explanations for that would have to wait. I wasn’t looking forward to telling her the reasons why I was now effectively a girl, but I hoped that she would still love me after I explained myself.

I opened the front door and peered out. It was still quiet outside, so I hurried down the steps and then gestured for everyone to follow me.

In seconds we were all inside and the front door was firmly shut and bolted against the outside world. The sitting room was looking a bit full now, what with all of us girls, complete with cases and bags, but Nan didn’t bat an eyelid and she started barking out orders like she was a Sergeant Major. She had been a school teacher before the war and it showed.

‘Right, explanations and introductions later. I can see that you all look worn out and a bit grubby. Starting with the youngest, go upstairs and have a bath and get changed into night things if you have some. I have two bedrooms spare up there to the left so decide amongst yourselves which bedroom you want to use; blankets in the cupboards.

‘Put about three inches of hot water in the bath to ensure that there’s enough to go round. Right hop to it; cocoa in thirty minutes! And keep the noise down; I don’t want any big ears hearing you lot.’

The others looked shell shocked, but I just grinned and went up and they all followed like lambs to the slaughter. Nan was a life force that was hard to resist. Mum always said that she was a strong character who could quell a schoolroom full of unruly kids with just a withering look and a snap of her fingers and I could see what she meant!

It actually took about forty minutes for us all to get finished bathing and into our nightdresses /pyjamas. Unlike when I was at home, Nan actually had an indoor bath heated by the fire; what luxury!

Soon we were all sitting by the fire as Nan passed around cups of steaming cocoa and Peek Frean chocolate digestive biscuits; scrumptious!

It took some time to tell our stories. Helen got upset and said that he was really Albert and he hated being dressed as a girl, but knew that if he was caught as a boy he would have been taken away and would have been in more danger than he was now, so he would just have to get on with it. Nan thought that he or rather she was very brave and his parents would be proud of him/her.

Nan looked over at me to see if I wanted to explain myself but I didn’t want to say too much in front of the others and I think that we had an unspoken agreement to talk later when we were alone.

‘So,’ said Ethel, ‘we have been a bit out of touch with things, what’s it like here. We haven’t seen much signs of the enemy around here, only near the railway line.’

We had already explained what happened on the train and it had made Nan smile. She looked so much younger when she smiled!

‘Well, I don’t know what you do know about things, so I will just give you an update as to what’s been happening lately.’

‘We heard on the radio just after we surrendered what had happened to the government and the bombs up north.’

‘Yes,’ said Nan sadly, ‘many thousands have died as far as we know. Not much information is coming out of those areas that were atom bombed. It was bad enough to make the authorities, those that were left that is, to concede defeat and give in. We had hoped to get support from America, they had helped a bit with supplies, but they didn’t want to get too involved. They haven’t got over the stock market crash of ’29 and the depression after that. When President Roosevelt died last year, the new president, John Nance Garner said that he would not drag his country into a war. I don’t know that I can blame them as they have many problems themselves and are close to bankruptcy. Anyway, we were left to fend for ourselves and we just didn’t have enough men and firepower to defeat the Germans.

‘We thought that things would get better when Hitler, Goering and Ribbentrop were assassinated in a bomb explosion by disaffected generals three weeks ago, but Himmler took over and if anything, things got worse. He is a butcher and seems to like extreme violence against people who do not fit in with his warped ideological beliefs.’

I looked at the others, we didn’t know much about politics, but we did know all about Hitler and his henchmen. This was all news to us though. Things were worse than I thought, if that was possible.

‘Anyway, enough of that; Following Himmler’s takeover he and his group of Nazi thugs decided to throw everything at us, increasing the bombing of major cities to a level never seen before and when our prime minister and most of the cabinet were killed in Downing Street, it was the beginning of the end and just a matter of time. We had been brought to our knees and we finally surrendered after Aberdeen and Newcastle were bombed to extinction. Evidently, we had no idea that Germany was so advanced in developing atomic bombs, which are the most terrible weapons imaginable and can lay whole countries to waste. Anyway, that’s is the position as far as I know. We get the occasional broadcast form the Underground BBC and someone is always monitoring broadcasts, but the news is far from regular. ’

‘Are the Germans here Nan?’ I asked, voicing the question all of us wanted to know.

‘There are a few around, but the good thing is that they are stretched thinly and being so far away from the centre of things means that we are not considered strategically important for them to post any more than a token presence at the moment. That could change and we expect an increase in numbers once they get their resources together. ’

‘What about the resistance?’ asked Glad.

‘We had a village meeting as soon as we heard how things were going. Reports were coming on the underground BBC radio that men and boys were being picked up and handed over to the military. This was reflected in other countries. As the Germans took control of countries that they overran, they enlisted, if that’s the word, all able bodied men and boys to supplement the army navy and air force. Germany has invaded so many countries; they just don’t have the man power to police everywhere, so they are using each country’s manpower to pick up the slack. In London and much of the south east they have started to do the same with able bodied women and girls, so it’s a good thing that you got away when you did.

‘There are pockets of resistance everywhere but no coordinated effort as far as we know. As far as our forces are concerned, we do know that some of the Atlantic Fleet managed to get away, ignoring direct orders to surrender, but what we don’t know is where they went but it was assumed that they went to neutral Norway and are hiding in some of the Fiords to the north. If they are there, we don’t know how long Norway will allow them safe haven, but there are so many rumours; we don’t know the facts from the fiction. What we do know is that most of our fleet had already been sunk by U-boats, so there’s no knowing what numbers we are talking about.’

‘And the resistance here?’ asked Ethel getting back to local matters.

‘The village meeting agreed that it was necessary that all men and boys over the age of eleven should go up into the moors and hide away in some of the tin mines. We supplied them with as much food and other things that they might need and also gave them some shotguns, clearing out the local gunsmiths in the process. The men weren’t happy about it, but saw sense once their wives, mothers and girlfriends told them to do as they were told!’

She smiled at that. I would have liked to have been at that meeting!

‘Anyway, they are now the local resistance and it wouldn’t surprise me if they arranged that little explosion on the railway line! Anyway, you all look very tired, so off to bed with you. We’ll speak more in the morning. Keep away from the windows and keep the curtains drawn. I’ll explain more about how things are in Polperro tomorrow.’

There wasn’t much in the way of argument and everyone got up and trouped out, saying goodnight to Nan on the way. I hung back and Nan smiled at me reassuringly as the others went upstairs, leaving us alone to talk.

I went over and sat by her on the big soft, comfy sofa.

Now the others had left, Nan and I could talk about what was most on our minds.

‘I so Miss Mum and Sally.’ I said, sniffing.

‘I know honey, I’m finding it hard to believe. It’s so much to take in...’

Nan’s brave face slipped as she gave in to her emotions.

We hugged as we cried once more, thinking about the loved ones that we had lost. Eventually we pulled ourselves together and Nan looked at me.

‘I think that you aren’t dressed as a girl to hide the fact that you are a boy?’

I looked at her and I could feel my face go red.

‘H...h...how did you know?’

‘Your mum and I always wondered why you were so much unlike other boys we knew. You never acted like a boy and were always so kind and gentle. You loved your sister and played with her like you were a girl yourself. Are you a girl or boy?’

Straight to the point, that was my Nan for you.

‘Girl,’ I whispered as I looked down and plucked at the hem of my nightdress. I didn’t want to see her expression just in case she was horrified at what I had just said.

She put her finger under my chin and lifted my face.

‘Well, it seems that I have a granddaughter instead of a grandson. We have both lost so much but it’s nice that we have each other. Things might be hard for a while, but together we’ll make it through and if that means that I have to be sort of a Mum to those girls upstairs, all the better. I approve of big families, don’t you?’

To be continued..?

Painting: The Spirit of London During the Blitz by Nettie Moon, 1979

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie...thanks! ~Sue

‘So Carol,’ said Nan, nibbling on a slice of toast, oozing with butter, ‘how do you like being a girl?’


We Shall Fight On The Beaches...

Chapter 7

By Susan Brown

---

I apologise for not posting more on this story for a long time. Problems at home have forced me to cut down a lot on my writing. I hope to be able to publish more chapters on a regular basis.
Thanks for your patience.

Previously...

‘I think that you aren’t dressed as a girl to hide the fact that you are a boy?’

I looked at her and I could feel my face go red.

‘H...h...how did you know?’

‘Your mum and I always wondered why you were so much unlike other boys we knew. You never acted like a boy and were always so kind and gentle. You loved your sister and played with her like you were a girl yourself. Are you a girl or boy?’

Straight to the point, that was my Nan for you.

‘Girl,’ I whispered as I looked down and plucked at the hem of my nightdress. I didn’t want to see her expression just in case she was horrified at what I had just said.

She put her finger under my chin and lifted my face.

‘Well, it seems that I have a granddaughter instead of a grandson. We have both lost so much but it’s nice that we have each other. Things might be hard for a while, but together we’ll make it through and if that means that I have to be sort of a Mum to those girls upstairs, all the better. I approve of big families, don’t you?’

And now the story continues…

When I awoke the next morning, for a moment, I wasn’t sure where I was and then I remembered.
I had someone’s feet next to my nose, which was a bit disconcerting, to say the least. I sat up in bed and looked around. I vaguely remembered the room. It was one of Nan’s spare bedrooms and the one that I used to stay in when visiting the cottage with my mum and sister.

At the other end of the bed, her head just showing above the pristine white sheet, lay Helen. Her hair was getting a bit longer now and it looked like we could do something with it to make it look a bit more girlie. Having to wear a hat all the time was a bit of a drag. I felt a bit sad as the last time I was in this bed “top and tail” was with my sister. I missed her and Mum so much.

Quietly, I got up and nearly trod on Alison, who was sleeping on the floor on cushions. Shivering, as I was only wearing a thin cotton nightdress, I grabbed some clothes that I had laid on the chair the previous night before tumbling into bed and crept out of the bedroom and went into the bathroom.

Hitching up my nightdress, I sat on the toilet to do my stuff. As I sat there, I mused about what had happened to me and what the future would bring. The future didn’t look all that bright to me. The world had gone mad and the Nazis ruled much of the world whilst the rest looked on and did nothing.

Then I smiled, at least I had my nan and all my new friends who I now considered to be my sisters. A lot had happened in a short space of time and at least I was no longer alone.

I washed my hands and face and then decided to get dressed. Pulling the net curtain aside, I glanced through the window, It looked quite nice outside and maybe fairly warm for a change. I hated the wet weather. Autumn was approaching and I wondered what the weather would be like in Cornwall. It rarely snowed though but it did get rather wet! Mum had told me about the terrible storms around the Cornish coast and the many shipwrecks. It all sounded rather dramatic. Ah well, it couldn't be worse than dreary London’s weather and dreadful smog.

I got my head out of the clouds and then got dressed.

I had a white blouse that did up at the back and had a Peter Pan collar. I pulled it on over my head and then did up the top two buttons at the back, then I pulled up my knickers and slipped on the silky black slip and my navy skirt, the last clean one that I had. After pulling on my long socks, I decided that I would have to ask Nan if I could do my laundry, the others were in dire straights too!

My hair was clean and getting a bit longer, like Helen’s and I could just about get away without wearing a hat, which was nice. Although short, I could always blame my shorter hair cut was due to nits if anyone asked! I brushed into a resemblance of a girls style and couldn't wait for it to get longer. I fancied plaits like a few of the other girls had.

After pulling the toilet chain and wincing a bit as pipes rattled as the cistern refilled, I went downstairs. I could smell cooking bacon coming from the kitchen and I followed my nose. Nan was there at the cooker turning yummy things over in the enormous frying pan.

I went over to her and gave her a hug. She jumped slightly, nearly making a sausage leap out of the frying pan.

‘Oh Carol, don’t give me a shock like that.’

‘Sorry Nan.’

She turned off the gas and then gave me a lovely hug and a kiss on the top of my head.

‘Never mind. Did you sleep alright?’

‘Yes thanks, I didn't think that I've slept better since all this horrid stuff began.’

‘I know, it's hard for everyone...,’ she looked up, ‘I think that I can hear people stirring.’

A herd of elephants were apparently tramping about above us and shortly after came the sound of rushing feet coming down the stairs.

Nan looked at me and smiled.

‘I nearly forgot just how noisy children can be,’

‘They must have smelt the bacon and sausages.’

‘It's a good job that the farms around here keep us well stocked with food, I think that we might need it!’

The kids suddenly appeared, still in their night clothes, chattering away nineteen to the dozen.

‘QUIET!’ shouted Nan in her best school ma'am voice.

The room became very quiet.

‘I don't have many rules in this house, but one of them is that you have to be washed and dressed before breakfast, so hop off and get yourself ready, you have fifteen minutes. Don't worry, the food will be in the oven keeping warm.’

The others looked a bit guilty as they raced back upstairs to get into the bathroom first. It was a luxury for me to be sitting at the table tucking into the grub while the others were desperately getting washed and dressed so they could feed their hungry faces.

I was feeling rather smug as I was already washed and dressed. Nans rules hadn't changed since my mum was knee high to a grasshopper.

Nan sat opposite me eating her breakfast while I ate mine. We sort of ignored the noise coming from the above.

‘So Carol,’ said Nan, nibbling on a slice of toast, oozing with butter, ‘we haven't had that much chance to talk alone. How do you like being a girl?’

I looked at her, sort of puzzled.

‘I’ve always been a girl,’

‘How long have you known that you are a girl then?’

‘Ever since I can remember. I never thought that I was a boy and couldn't understand why I had to dress like one. It's not just the clothes, it's who I feel inside. I have never liked doing boy things; rough and tumble and playing cowboys and Indians, you know stuff like that. I much preferred to play with girls, if they would let me. They didn't always though. Some of them thought that I was a sissy boy and that hurt because I just wanted to be one of them.’

‘It's not going to be easy you know. One day your voice will break and you will start growing into a man whether you like it or not.’

My eyes started to smart. It was the one thing that I was dreading. Turning into a man would be awful. I just didn't t want it to happen.

She smiled and patted my hand.

‘Don't worry Carol, there are things that I think we can do. When I was head teacher at the school, we had two children who had similar problems to you. Our local doctor looked after them and referred them to a clinic in London. After some therapy, it was decided to treat them as girls and they were given a new medication called Premarin. The girls still live in the village and are accepted as girls. With all the problems that the country is facing a boy changing to a girl is not exactly a big concern. Stay here for a minute.’

I munched on a slice of toast simply dripping with golden butter and wondered where Nan had gone.

As I waited I thought about what Nan had told me. It was a bit of an eye opener. I started to feel a bit better, I hadn't heard of anyone being like me, thinking that I might be some sort of freak. Now, it seemed that my condition, if that is what it’s called, may not be so unusual after all and I might be able to do something about it. I wondered if the other girls that lived in the village were happy and looked like real girls and not just boys dressed as girls. I would hate that I was sure that they would too.

Just then Nan came in; she had her hand behind her back. I looked at her enquiringly.

She brought her hand out and there she was.

‘Jemima!’ I cried.

I took hold of the little doll that had been my constant companion when I was little. She used to belong to Mum when she was a little girl and I had found it when playing in one of the bedrooms the last time I had been there with my mum and sister. She had long blond hair and was wearing a little yellow dress that had seen better days but I didn’t care. I had my Jemima back!

I hugged her tight. I might be getting a bit old for dolls, but I couldn’t care less and if the others laughed at me. That was their problem, not mine.

My thoughts were interrupted by Claire and Alison as they walked into the room followed by a still quiet and somewhat shy looking Helen, who had on a pretty dress, white with tiny pink flowers on. I didn’t mention the fact that she looked very pretty as I didn't think that she would like that!

Soon after, Glad and Ethel, the twins came in. I still wasn’t sure who was who as they looked like to peas in a pod.
I had Jemima on my lap and the others, rather than laugh at me, all thought that she was sweet. In fact Glad, Ethel and Claire all had small dollies in their cases and Helen, red as a beetroot said that his teddy Charlie was in her case too! Only Alison said that she was too old for dolls, but I could see that she was envious of us all for still keeping ours.

Soon we were all sat around the table, a bit squashed as there were so many of us, but we managed somehow. I had my second helping of sausages, bacon and eggs. I had a lot of catching up to do, food wise. I was as thin as a rake and always hungry. Come to think of it, we were all a bit weedy looking. That’s what war rations do for you. Nan wasn’t thin though, which confirmed my thoughts that the war hadn't had such an effect down here in deepest Cornwall.

Nan busied about, feeding the five thousand and there wasn’t much chatter as we all had our mouths full. Soon enough though we had finished and proceeded to wash the whole lot down with tea from a huge pot.
Once the breakfast things had been washed up and put away, Nan had us sit around the table again as we discussed what we were to do now.

‘You all have been through so much to get here and seen things that children should never see. I won't insult you by treating you as too young to know what’s best for you, but we need to talk about the future and what we should do.’
‘Thanks for letting us stay, Miss Rogers’ said Claire and we all nodded in agreement.

‘That’s alright dear, you are most welcome, but don’t call me Miss Rogers; if you like you can call me Auntie Vi.’

‘Vi?’ enquired Ethel.

‘Short for Vivian. You will obviously have to go out and about and if anyone asks you are my nieces, back from London when you were bombed out. Quite handy if you haven't got any papers.’

‘Papers?’ I asked.

‘Yes, proof of identity. Have any of you got some?’

Ethel and Glad piped up together, ‘yes we have.’

‘Helen?’ asked Nan.

Helen just went red in the face and shook her head. We would have to tell Nan about Helen…

‘I…I…I’m a boy really,’ she blurted out.

Nan looked surprised.

‘Are you dear, Well, perhaps you and I can have a little chat later? Don’t worry, you look very nice and I wouldn’t think that you were a boy looking like you do. We have to do things that we hate doing sometimes but never mind, we’ll all get through this, I am sure.’

Helen looked a little better after that. It was nice that she had the support of all of us.

There was a knock on the front door, making some of us jump.

Nan got up.

‘Stay here and be quiet girls.’

She left the room, closing the door behind her.

We all looked at each other. I could see the fear in their faces. Would it always be like this, fear of being found out, captured and then who knows what? Just the knock on the door and I felt like a quivering wreck. I had been living on my nerves for so long now, I didn’t think that I would ever truly relax.

We struggled to hear what the mumbled voices were saying and then the door of the kitchen opened and in walked Nan, followed by the policeman who directed us to Nan’s cottage the evening before!

He seemed larger than the last time I saw him. He was a little bit portly and had ruddy cheeks. He looked as old as Nan if not a bit older. He had his helmet in his hand and his hair was grey at the temples.

‘Well,’ he said, ‘what a lot of kids you have here Vi.’

‘Sit down Stanley and I’ll get you a cuppa. I think that we need a fresh pot.’

He sat down with a sigh and said, ‘I could do with a brew Vi, I’ve been up most of the night. My Madge won't recognise me when I get home, she hasn’t seen much of me what with these double duties an’ all.’

We all had another cuppa and it didn’t take much persuading for us to have some home made cherry cake that suddenly appeared on the table. Look, we were all growing girls and needed feeding up!

Things were quiet for a short while. The cake was delish!

‘Right,’ said PC Stanley, ‘I’m not a detective and my detecting skills are not on the level as some of the coppers in Truro but when a whole parcel of kids with luggage turn up in the village all of a sudden like late in the evening and ask for directions, I get to kind of wonder whats going on. So erm, whats going on?’

He looked around expectantly. I looked at Nan and raised my eyebrows. It must be a close relation thing, similar to some twins, as she knew what I was thinking.

‘You can trust Stanley, he hates the Germans as much as we do. His two boys were killed by the Nazi’s.’

Claire told him our story and we all piped in with our bits. Even Helen explained that he was a boy but had to dress as a girl and that didn’t faze Stanley, he just smiled and said, ‘Brave kid.’

‘So,’ he said as we finished, ‘you were involved in the train thing. Good job you weren't nearer the front, a couple of Germans were killed and the soldiers scoured the countryside looking for people to murder. Good job they didn’t know the area. The place is honeycombed with mines. The problem with the train being blown up is that it makes the enemy more aware of us so we have to lay low for a while and try not to draw attention to ourselves. That includes you lot.’

‘How do we do that?’ asked Glad.

He thought for a moment.

‘Well, you need to fit in. The story will go around that you are relatives of Vi here and that you have been sent here because you have lost your parents. As far as papers go. I will need all your names, dates and place of birth and I’ll arrange things.’

‘How?’ asked the ever inquisitive Alison.

‘Never mind, what you don’t know, you can’t tell.’

He dug out a dog eared notebook from his pocket and a pencil which he licked the end of for some reason.

‘Let me have your details girls.’

We did as he asked and I was pleased that Helen remembered her girl's name. She would have been in trouble had she said Albert for her identity papers!

‘Right,’ said Stanley.’ That should do it; now, I’m off home. The wife will give me grief if I don’t turn up for me breakfast. See you soon girls. Vi, can I have a word?’

Nan and Stanley left the room and we could hear their voices outside but couldn’t catch what they were saying, despite Ethel having her ear pressed against the door.

The door opened suddenly and Ethel fell over making us all laugh, including Nan.

‘That’s what happens when you eves-drop.’ she said smiling.

After that, it got a bit boring. Until we had the relevant papers, we daren't go out.

Nan told us that the papers should be ready the next day and we just had to twiddle our fingers until then. It did give us the opportunity of finding out how things were in Polperro and Nan proceeded to tell us as we all sat in the living room nursing the inevitable cup of tea.

‘In a way, we have been lucky down here and haven't had the same amount of horrors happening in other places like the big cities and towns. There is a German presence here and I regret to say that some people that I thought were loyal Britains have thrown in with the enemy. Some of the county councillors including the mayor have gone over to the other side. The police force are in an awkward position because they have to uphold the rule of the law. The law is now effectively German. Outwardly they are cooperating but, behind the scenes and unofficially, they are with us. The same is the case with the other services like the fire brigade and coast guard. There are a few policeman that I wouldn't trust and I will tip you the wink about them. You can trust Stanley though. Unless you know for sure, don't trust anyone.

‘Now that you're here, we have to decide what to do with you. Schools are out at the moment due to the changes but eventually, they will start again. Unfortunately, I think that they will be run on a curriculum set by Berlin. They will try to mould children into a warped image of what they consider to be good Arian models. Anyone who is Jewish or other religions that they abhor will be rounded up and put into concentration camps. We have a few Jewish families here and they are in hiding in the mines. Also, we hear that they do not like people who are disabled or mentally sick, they too will be targeted and those people who fall under that category will be sent away to God knows where. All those at risk are also at the mines.

‘I don't want to go to any school that the Germans run,’ said Ethel hotly.

‘I just want to fight Germans.’ said Helen in a quiet voice.

We all nodded at that.

‘But you are just children,’ said Nan with an exasperated tone of voice.

‘Children that have lost everyone and everything,’ I said.

‘I want my country back,’ said Claire.

Nan looked at all of us in turn in a way that I imagined she looked at the kids in her class that were stretching her patience and then she just sort of sagged.

‘You are right of course. I cannot expect you to do things that I wouldn't do myself. I want to fight and help in any way I can to rid us of these pests just like you. Perhaps one day you may have a normal childhood, but until then...well we’ll see.

The next few days we kept inside, not daring to go out. We were bored, but at least we were relatively safe. Nan went out regularly to meet with people and get in supplies for her now extend family. It turned out that troops were expected to arrive in the area quite soon and billet in the nearest town, Liskeard. Luckily, it appeared that villages like Polperro were not considered very important, which was strange as it had a harbour and therefore open to boats coming in and out. Polperro had, in its checkered past, strong links with smuggling. There were various caves and hidden landing places where contraband and people could be landed. All we could think of was that the Germans were not organised enough to think of these things and it sort of confirmed our suspicions that they were stretched too thinly to do much about it. If and when they got themselves more organised, that we be a different matter.

Helen was happier once she had a heart to heart talk with Nan. I didn't know what was said, but after their little chat, Helen seemed more at peace with her situation and no longer kept saying that she was really a boy.

One morning, Stanley, the policeman came to the cottage and handed us our identification cards. It had my old address in Ashmore Road and my new address in Polperro, backdated to before the Nazis invaded. It looked genuine as far as I could tell. All the others had cards similar to mine with their old addresses and new address listed too.

I, of course, wanted to go out and explore. I tried to coax the others to come with me, but they weren't bothered as it was raining that fine drizzly and they just wanted to hang around the cheerful fire in the living room and eat some of Nan’s fruit cake.

I put on my coat and hat, hugged Nan who told me to be careful and then let myself out. The harbour looked just I remembered it when I had visited it last. Boats of all shapes and sizes were bobbing up and down on the gentle swell. The swell wasn't so gentle out of the harbour, where the waves were high and it looked like we were in for another spell of bad weather. No mind, I was glad to get out into the fresh air. Mind you, the breeze seemed to whip up my skirt a bit, so I had to be careful not to show my knickers. This was a problem that boys never have!
There were a few people about and I nodded and said hello to most of them. I noted the lack of men and older boys around but I knew the reason for that and I wondered what it was like to live in the mine shafts of the old tin mines. It couldn't have been that comfortable.

Then I started to wonder what I could do about the German invasion.I hoped that I and my new family (I now considered all of the girls to be family now) would be able to help with the war effort. I may not be big and strong, but I could hold a gun, if necessary, and do my bit.

Could I shoot a German? I had qualms about that. If it was between him and me, I hoped that I would do my duty. But I was against war and fighting and that would go against all that I believed. Would I be able to shelve my beliefs for the common good? What if the soldier was British in a German uniform...

I couldn't continue to think about that, it was just too upsetting.

Walking through the narrow lanes lined with small, brightly painted cottages, I smiled as I remembered the last time I did this with Mum and my sister. They were such happy times and I remembered trying to eat half an enormous Cornish pasty sitting down by the harbour and not being able to finish it. I was somehow able to have an ice cream cornet afterwards though; funny that.

My smile left me when I realised that I would never have an experience like that with my mum and sister again. I brushed away those dark thoughts. I would try not to dwell on the past and look forward to a future when I could at least find some sort of happiness.

The wind was rising and the rain grew steadily worse and so I turned back to the cottage where I knew I would be welcome. Maybe those greedy girls had left me a slice of cake!

One evening, a few days later, we were sitting around the cheerful fire with mugs of Ovaltine and slices of Nan’s delicious fruit cake. Outside there was a howling storm and the wind and torrential rain rattled the windows. For all that, we were toasty warm.

Claire was playing with the radio, trying to get some music on. She twiddled with the knob for ages and then suddenly we heard a voice that we all recognised as Richard Dimbleby.

‘Turn it up Claire,’ asked Nan.

‘...sorry that we have not been able to give you more updates lately. We have had trouble finding secure locations to transmit. We cannot be on air for long because we do not want the enemy to track our location. The situation as far as we know is as follows. Apart from a few pockets of resistance, Germany now has full control of Great Britain and large parts of Ireland.

‘An occupational government is now in place and being run from what was The War Office in Whitehall. Downing Street was almost completely destroyed in one of the last bombings which killed most of the cabinet including our leader Mr Churchill. The houses of Parliament have been blown up by the Germans who believe that it was a symbol of our power. Also, Nelson’s Column and Admiralty Arch have also been destroyed, presumably for similar reasons. Reinhard Heydrich, an SS- Obergruppenführer, has been placed in charge of the occupation and has been styled under the title of Protector. He and his extensive staff have taken over Buckingham Palace. Heydrich was recently a Deputy Protector of Bohemia and Moravia and is noted for his brutish thuggery and war crimes. Oswald Mosley, of the hated Black Shirts, has been freed from prison and is his deputy.
Little information is coming out from Aberdeen and Newcastle Upon Tyne, the cities atom bombed. What we do know is that many of the survivors are very sick. We pray for them.’

He paused for a moment and then continued.

‘Men and boys over the age of 14 are being rounded up and forced to enlist in the German forces. Women are being given work in the war machine such as in munitions and aircraft factories, tank and ship construction and also nursing, working on farms and the fire brigade. If the pattern from other occupied countries is duplicated, some women might be enlisted along with our men. Girls under 16 are being excluded from this work at the moment and schools are reopening to what the `Nazi's call “re-educate” our children, whatever that is supposed to mean. We fear that it may be some form of coercive indoctrination. We recommend that all children be kept in hiding, whatever their age, wherever possible, but if caught, they should go quietly as there have been incidents of extreme cruelty and even death for those who do not comply.

‘As far as we are aware, we have a number of aircraft still useable and they and their crews are based, we believe, somewhere in Norway; as is what remains of our navy. Norway is, at the moment officially neutral, but has some sympathy with our plight. How long they can hold out against the increasing dominance of the German forces, we do not know, but we hope that it can continue for as long as possible.

‘I am pleased to announce that The Royal Family have arrived safely to Canada. It is hoped that Canada might be able to help us in our hour of need and we understand that they are busy building forces necessary to protect themselves against an increasingly aggressive German presence in the Atlantic. The United States of America is still not willing to enter the war, citing their parlous economic situation, rioting on the streets and lack of political will as the reason. We can only hope that they come to their senses and realise that the Nazis are a threat to the world, including America.

‘I will sign off now but stay close to your wireless for further information. Stay strong and remember that we will never give in. God bless you all.’

Claire switched off the radio and we all sat in silence for a few moments. We no longer felt in any way snug and cosy in the little cottage by the harbour in Polperro.

To be continued.

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie...thanks! ~Sue

We all crowded over to the window and open-mouthed, we saw an open-backed car go by over the other side of the quay, followed by a lorry brimming full of troops, German troops.


We Shall Fight On The Beaches...

Chapter 8

By Susan Brown

---

Previously...

Claire switched off the radio and we all sat in silence for a few moments. We no longer felt in any way snug and cosy in the little cottage by the harbour in Polperro.

And now the story continues…

It happened the following morning.

We had just had our breakfast and were all wondering what we should do that day.

Nan had gone out to go to the bakers. She said that we were eating her out of house and home, but she said it with a smile so I didn’t think that she was that concerned about it!

Helen was looking out of the window and I heard an exclamation.

‘Girls, come and look!’

We all crowded over to the window and open-mouthed, we saw an open-backed car go by over the other side of the quay, followed by a lorry brimming full of troops, German troops.

‘Oh Lord,’ said Ethel, ‘they’ve arrived: your Nan said that there were rumours. A lot of soldiers have been seen in Truro and Liskeard.’

‘We had better stay here until Nan gets back,’ I said.

‘You bet!’ exclaimed Glad. ‘We don’t want to draw attention to ourselves, do we?’

The car and lorry stopped and someone, who I thought must be an officer by his rather posher uniform than the rest, got out of the car and strode purposefully towards the lorry and started barking orders.

We watched the troops get out of the back of the lorry, there must have been about fifteen of them. With hobnailed boots scraping, they all lined up in single file and stood to attention.

I was scared, I have to admit it. I knew that they would arrive eventually, it was inevitable, but I did hope that we had at least a bit of time to recover from all that had happened, before we were back in danger again. I was being naïve, this was the real world and in the real world, horrible things happen so why should my friends and I believe otherwise?

I saw Nan walk briskly down the road towards the cottage and in no time she came in, took off her coat and then headed straight for the kitchen and the kettle.

I knew my Nan, she wouldn't say a word without her cuppa. We all followed her into the kitchen and quietly sat around the table whilst she busied herself with cups and saucers and the obligatory fruitcake.

Looking around, I could see that all of my friends were scared. Had we come out of the frying pan and into the fire?

Once the tea had been poured and the cake democratically sliced and handed around, Nan came and sat with us.

‘Well children, the Germans have finally arrived. Only a small force, they are still stretched it seems, but nevertheless, they have got the guns and like it or not, we have to be very careful. There are one or two people who live here who are quite pleased that the enemy is in power. We know who they are and we have tried to keep anything that we want kept secret away from them.

‘Only a handful of people in the village know where our menfolk and elder boys have gone and we want to keep it that way. The word is that the Germans will want to do a door to door search. We will let them search here and we will have to be on guard not to give anything away.’

‘What will they say when they see all of us kids here? I think that we should run away and hide,’ said Helen, obviously scared out of her wits.

She, like I, had a lot to hide and we didn't want to be found out and sent to some sort of internment camp or worse.

She looked kindly at Helen and then patted her hand.

‘Don’t worry honey, nothing is going to happen to you; any of you in fact. You all have identity papers that will stand any kind of scrutiny and you also have the advantage of being young girls.’

My heart warmed when she said that. I wanted and needed acceptance from my Nan and this was a nice way of showing it. I looked across at Helen and I could see that she was blushing a bit and smiling. I wondered what was going through her head.

‘The Germans don't need or want you,’ continued Nan, ‘they have enough to contend with without having to deal with people that do not, as far as they are aware, pose any sort of threat to them.’

‘I am a threat to them,’ exclaimed Claire.

We all laughed at that but I secretly felt exactly the same. The Germans killed my family and I wasn't about to forgive and forget. Nan also seemed to discount the fact that both Helen and myself were, in fact, physically anyway, boys. I shuddered to think what would happen if we were caught out. Did the Germans do body searches? I didn't know and to be honest I wouldn't put anything past them.

I was all for going out. I wanted to know what was going on, but Nan said that until we knew anything better, it was best to just stay at home and await developments.

Lunch came and went. We were all a bit subdued and not much was said. When I first thought of coming down to Cornwall, it was initially to find my Nan, the only living relative that I had left. After that, with the other girls, I was caught up in the idea that we could help fight the Germans. Alright, we were only young and probably very naive, but I believed that we could do something. So. I was young and so were my friends, but we could hold guns and fire them, couldn't we?

That made me think. Could I kill someone? What if the person I was firing at was the same as me, forced to be involved in a war that they did not want to be in?

I didn't want to think about it. I just hoped that I would do the right thing if it came to it.

We wanted to put the radio on to search for the news, but Nan poo-pooed the idea as there had been an edict banning the use of wirelesses. They must have got wind of the fact that the BBC were sending out the occasional report about what really was happening in Great Britain. Nan said that it was possible that the Germans could actively trace wireless use but whether that would include receivers as well as transmitters was another question but she would not take a chance on that.

So we couldn't use the radio and we had no idea as to what was going on. Frustrating to say the least!

Later that afternoon, we sat around playing Ludo, Snakes and Ladders and in the case of Nan and Ethel, a fiendishly complicated puzzle.

Suddenly there was a knock on the door and as one, we all jumped.

Nan looked at us and said, ‘stay here,’ as she walked out of the sitting room to find out who was at the door.

There was a muffled conversation and then Nan came in giving us warning glances, followed by a German soldier!

By his uniform, I could tell that he was an officer, probably the one we saw earlier across the quay, getting out of his car and strutting about giving orders. Behind him was another soldier and I took him to be a sergeant or something similar by the stripes on his sleeves. He was holding a submachine gun that looked nasty and deathly.

‘Girls, this is Hauptmann Model.’

We all stood up, it seemed the right thing to do. I would have liked to have kicked him in the shin or better still his head, but I doubt that he would have appreciated that and would have probably led to swift and unpleasant reprisals.

To say that I was scared and close to wetting my knickers would be an understatement. This was the first time that I had come close to a German soldier since the time I was in the crosshairs of that tank gun, it seemed a long time ago now. I could sense that the others were just as frightened and I just hoped that none of us would say something stupid…

He took off his hat and ran his hand through his dirty blond hair.

‘Ah girls, lots of them I see.’

His English was almost flawless with only a trace of an accent.

His eyes travelled over each and every one of us. Those blue eyes seemed cold and somewhat distant.

‘Why so many of you here, I wonder?’

‘One is my granddaughter and the others nieces and great-nieces, from London. They came down when you started bombing London,’ replied Nan.

‘No boys?’

‘Our family runs to girls rather than boys,’ came Nan’s smart reply

‘It is good to look after ones kinder. Especially in these trying times.’

Once again he looked at us with piercing eyes that seem to see everything. My heart was leaping about like an excited frog as his eyes once again fell upon me. Did he see through me, could he see that I wasn’t like a normal girl…

He turned to Nan.

‘You are a teacher, I believe.’

I wondered in passing how he knew that nugget of information.

‘Yes, I was headmistress at the local school before I retired.’

‘St Swithin’s primary school at the top of the village, I understand?’

‘You seem to know a lot about me.’ She replied.

‘I make it my business to know. Now, down to business as you say, my men have been talking to people in the village, knocking on some doors and seeing how things are down here. It has been noted that there are a lot of children here but only young ones and strangely no boys over the age of about twelve. Why is that?’

‘Their parents sent them away.’

‘Why?’

‘They were afraid for them.’

‘Hmm, I see. There is no need for them or you to be afraid, we come in peace. We mean you no harm. We are here to help you get over what has been a costly and painful war. If your government had not been so intransigent and stubborn, much bloodshed could have been avoided.’

‘But…’ said Carol.

‘Be quiet Carol,’ said Nan in her best school teachers voice.

‘Ah good, you are a believer in discipline, I see. That is very good.’

He pondered for a moment.

‘The school is closed at the moment and there appears to be a lot of young idle children. Now I could put many of the older ones to work. Work that they might find unpleasant, but we Germans are compassionate and believe in a good education for our kinder. They will then grow up to be fine upstanding members of our society, able to serve and be a useful part of the community. Therefore, the school will reopen and you will once again be the headmistress. You will find whatever teachers that are left and use them. If, as I suspect they have left the area, then you will just have to manage with whatever help you can get.’

‘But I have no funds…’

‘You need not concern yourself. The funds will be put in place and a school secretary will be in charge of that side of things. I will appoint him on your behalf. ’

‘Do I have a choice in this?’

‘No, it is your duty. I expect you to get things moving tomorrow and school shall start on Monday. Now I have many other calls to make. I will return in one week to see what progress you have made.’

He paused for a moment and looked at each of us in turn.

‘Please be aware that we will not countenance any acts that obstruct us. We caught two people who blew up a train very near here. I regret to say that we found it necessary for us to execute them. If you play by our rules then no harm shall come to you. If however you do not play the game then we will have no mercy, no matter what age or sex you are.’

He spoke as if he was referring to a cricket match and not the murder of people that only wanted freedom. I think that I hated him more than any other person in the world at that moment.

Without another word, he clicked his heels, inclined his head and saluted and then without another word, he left followed by his silent but strangely frightening sergeant.

The front door closed with a bang and we just looked at each other.

I think that we were all taken aback by the cold and calculated way that he had talked about the executions and the threat of the same happening to us if we didn’t do as we were told and toe the line.

‘What a horrible man, he frightens me,’ said Helen who went over to Nan for a cuddle. I could have done with one too but I was a big tough girl, wasn’t I?

‘I’m not going to school,’ said Claire firmly after a moments silence where we all tried to take in what he had said.

Nan looked tired and sat down, pulling Heather onto her knee.

‘You will have to go to school. Don't you see, they want to keep children off the streets and occupied. You will be safer there.’

‘I don't want to be safe,’ retorted Carol, ‘I want to fight the Germans.’

We all nodded in agreement.

‘I know you do, but at the moment the best thing to do is not draw any attention. You are young, very young and you should not even be thinking of fighting the enemy but you have all been through so much and want to get back at the Germans for what they have done to us all. But we have to pick our fights and be clever about it. I am treating you all as adults, I have to, despite my misgivings. I am asking you to go to the school and behave like normal schoolgirls. When we have lulled them into thinking that they have all of us tamed and under the thumb, then we will make our move. I will contact the men and let them know about the situation and we will see if we can somehow turn this to our advantage. There must be a way to get back at them.’

‘The officer didn't seem too bad,’ said Heather, obviously blocking out what the man had said about killing our men and threatening us. I supposed that it was her way of coping.

‘Don’t be filled by the polite way he speaks,’ replied Nan, ‘he might have a smooth way of talking and give the impression that he is civilised, but underneath it all, he is ruthless and will get his way by hook or by crook.’

‘I didn't like the look of that sergeant,’ I said.

‘Yes, he’s a nice looking piece of work,’ agreed Nan, ‘Now, back to business. Whether we like it or not, we are under the control of the German occupation so you see girls, we have to tread very carefully and bide our time. We don't want to bring attention to ourselves. We will do as the captain says and I will open up the school again and you will all attend and be good girls, on the surface anyway. However, if an opportunity arises where we can disrupt things then we will do so.’

None of us liked it. Alright, we were bored, but who actually likes school? Would a school effectively run by the Germans be any different from what we were used to and would German culture and values be forced on us? Nan once said that history was written by the winners, would our history be tied up with Germany, where they swept all before them and conquered Europe? Would our victories in the past be forgotten? How would they treat the Great War where we had beaten Germany?

So many questions and no answers. We would just have to wait and see.

Later on in afternoon, I went for a walk. I wanted to be alone and think things through. Less than a week before, I was at home with Mum and my sister. It seemed like years ago, what with all the terrible things that had happened since that awful night when I lost my mum and sister. At home, our life had been fraught with danger, but at least we were together. Now they were both dead and my home had been destroyed by a bomb. At least I had Nan and those who I considered to be my new family.

I sat on the wall of the quay, looking out to sea not quite believing all that had happened. I was reminded of my new status as a girl as the breeze suddenly whipped up my skirt, exposing my knickers to any passing seagull, of which there were many.

I smiled at the thought of me now being able to show myself as a girl and the fact that Nan was fully supporting me as were the girls that I now considered to be my sisters, yes, even Helen.

Helen, the way she was now, could not considered in any way to be a boisterous boy. I had been watching her for days now, I had been concerned that she might give the game away and do something boyish. That would be dangerous to everyone and lead to questions that no one wanted to answer. But she had shown little sign of boyishness apart from the occasional time when she sat down and left her legs open. She hadn't even done that, as far as I was aware, for the last few days.

It was great seeing my nan again and I was so pleased that she accepted me as a girl. She didn't even blink but just took me at face value. With her helping me, I had a chance to live as far as I could in the gender that I should have been born as. The medical things that she told me about excited me. I was so pleased that I was not the only person with my “problem” and that I might have things sorted out for me. Mind you, now we were under the jackboot of Germany, I did wonder if my optimism might be misplaced.

I stopped thinking about the future, that would look after itself. Now, for the time being anyway, I would just have to concentrate on the present. I would be going to school. I had no idea what that was going to be like but I knew that under Nan, the Germans wouldn't have it all their own way.

I heard a noise overhead. Suddenly coming from behind me and shooting out to sea was a fighter plane. My heart leapt into my throat as I realised that it was a Spitfire! It was closely followed by two other planes that were firing at it as it weaved and bobbed in the bright blue sky above. The pursuing planes looked like an ME 109’s. Most kids could spot makes and models and I was particularly interested in aircraft as a great uncle of mine had been a sergeant pilot in the Great War.

The Spitfire was doing all it could to shake off its pursuers and suddenly, it shot straight up in the air twisted violently to the left, did a loop de loop and then somehow it was behind the two 109’s. Firing into the fuselage of one of them. There was a huge flash followed by the sound of an explosion as the 109 blew up. Then before I could catch breath, the other 109 was subjected to intense firing from the Spitfire as it came in for the kill. I could see the trace of the bullets as it hit the wing of the plane as it tried to dance out of the way.

The 109 did a sharp turn, but not as tight a one as the Spitfire, who came up underneath and fired into the belly of the plane.

Suddenly the wing of the 109 just came off and the plane nosedived into the sea. The Spitfire then waggled its wings and then flew off down the coast disappearing around the headland.

I stared at the sea. There was nothing there. The planes had sunk immediately on impact. The only thing that I could see was what appeared to be an oil slick.

It was almost as if nothing had happened.

I stood up, feeling rather shaky. Turning around, I could see several people looking out to sea. There was no elation. We had just witnessed the death of two pilots. Horrible deaths. They were Germans, but they were people too. The only good thing was that it wasn't our brave pilot down there in a watery grave. It gave me heart to think that we still were fighting and had teeth that could still bite.

~*~

I made my way back to the cottage and told the others what I had seen.

‘Good,’ said Glad, ‘lets hope that the plane gets back to its base safely, wherever that might be.’

‘The Germans won't like it,’ said Ethel, ‘I mean, they've supposed to have beaten us into submission but there are still fighters out there.’

‘I wonder where its come from.’ I said.

‘Who knows,’ said Nan, ‘some secret airfield somewhere. It would need to be camouflaged. Now,’ she continued, completely changing the subject, ‘it’s time I cooked something.’

She left the room and started making saucepan type noises in the kitchen

‘I wish I could fly planes and hit the enemy where it hurts,’ exclaimed Helen with such a serious conviction that I’m afraid that we all laughed.

‘What?’ she asked looking around with a puzzled expression on her face.

She didn’t seem to realise that she looked the most inoffensive little thing in the room. Then she realised what we were laughing at and smiled ruefully.

‘I can’t help being small. One day, I’ll be big and they’ll be no stopping me!’

Ethel threw a cushion at her and soon we were all throwing cushions.

‘STOP!’ Shouted Nan in her most forthright and schoolmarmish voice.

We stopped what we were doing and looked, I think, suitable sheepish.

‘Right you lot have quite a bit surplus energy so first you can tidy up in here and then your rooms. Now jump to it!’

We jumped.

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie...thanks! ~Sue

We didn’t really have anything much to do and you can only be constantly scared for a while before you were almost de-sensitised to it.


We Shall Fight On The Beaches...

Chapter 9

By Susan Brown

---

Previously...

STOP!’ Shouted Nan in her most forthright and schoolmarmish voice.

We stopped what we were doing and looked, I think, suitable sheepish.

‘Right you lot have quite a bit surplus energy so first, you can tidy up in here and then go up to your rooms and do the same. Now jump to it!’

We jumped.

And now the story continues…

The next day found all of us girls stuck in the school cleaning up, just wearing our least favourite clothes and head scarves, to save our hair from dust and abuse. Other girls and the younger boys who were still living in the village were there too and it was nice to see that we weren’t the only ones roped in to do the dirty jobs.

None of us liked cleaning but at least it got us out of our homes and doing something different. You would have thought that what with the Germans now occupying the village and us being scared for our lives, there would be enough going on to stop any thoughts of boredom: but we were bored. We didn’t really have anything much to do and you can only be constantly scared for a while before you were almost de-sensitised to it.

I once read somewhere that even soldiers on the front line spent many hours being bored before going into brief, if violent action. Maybe it was something like that for us. I knew that we weren’t soldiers, but as far as we were concerned, it was only a matter of time before we would be involved and doing our bit to defeat the enemy.

The school had been closed for ages and the dust was everywhere, getting into our eyes and down our throats. Nan was there supervising and I thought in passing that if she had been running our armed forces, we would have probably won the war in double quick time!

The school had been shut up for near enough a year and it was surprising how dirty it had actually become.

Evidently, the caretaker had been called up two years before and regretfully he didn't come back home. He had, as far as we knew, been captured and was in a prison of war camp somewhere in France, short of a leg.

There were thousands of prisoners of war in camps dotted around Europe and I wondered if, now the war was effectively over, they would be sent home. Or more likely, I supposed that they would be put to use as workers building roads, railway lines and bridges. I had heard stories about how badly prisoners had been treated and many had suffered ill-treatment whilst being in those camps.

Thinking about it, if the Germans released their prisoners and sent them home, the men might, probably would, join the resistance movement. Something the Germans would, in my opinion, never do.

On the second day of our forced labour, we had an early breakfast and all walked up to the school laughing and giggling, almost forgetting our troubles but we stopped at a new poster put up on the wall of the town hall, which now had a large swastika flag hanging out of an upstairs window, one of several that had appeared overnight. There wasn’t a union flag anywhere in sight and that made me sad.

We all huddled around and read the poster.

From the office of the German High Command (British Zone).

Greetings,

We are pleased to announce that the country is now fully occupied by our forces and that a peaceful transition has taken place. The Military Administration has its headquarters in London, Edinburgh, Cardiff and Dublin. The area formerly known as Northern Ireland is now considered part of Eire and has been occupied by our forces.

Wherever possible, the local government of each zone will be retained under the jurisdiction of the Wehrmacht. We wish for a harmonious transition of power and expect full co-operation from all sections of the community.

To enable the harmonious transition of power, you are hereby ordered to pay attention to the following:

• Identification papers must be available for inspection at all times.
• Civilians can only travel with relevant documentation.
• There will be a curfew in place from 6 pm to 6 am or from dusk until dawn, whichever is the sooner.
• Rationing will be maintained and will continue until further notice at the current levels.
• Any hoarding will be severely punished. Black marketing will be punishable by immediate execution without trial.
• Any resistance or collaboration against the lawful authority of the Wehrmacht, it’s representatives and designated deputies and will be punishable by immediate execution without trial.
• If any person is aware of incidences of resistance or collaboration, they must report their suspicions to the authorities without delay.If they do not report such incidences of resistance or collaboration, the person or persons will be considered to be in collaboration with the enemy and will be executed without trial.
• Rewards will be given to those civilians who fully co-operate with the authorities in these matters.

There was more of the same, threatening and coercing in equal measures. It all amounted to what we already knew, we were under the Nazi thumb and if we didn’t toe the line, unpleasant things would happen to us. Needless to say, we no longer felt in any way cheerful as we made our way up the hill to the school.

Midway through our third day of cleaning (it seemed like three months), we had a visitor at the school.

Nan was supervising the re-polish of the parquet flooring in the hall, it was a big job and we all involved. To this day I can still remember the strong smell of the floor polish.

The door to the side banged open and there was a man standing there with a grim look on his face.

We all stopped what we were doing and I sighed as my arms were aching with the effort.

‘Mrs Rogers, can I have a word?’

‘What is it Albert, can’t you see that we are busy?’ replied Nan, rather testily.

‘I am the new school secretary,’ he said, rather self-importantly.

I looked at Nan and I could see a strangely guarded expression on her face.

‘Are you indeed. I didn’t know that you had any experience with helping to run a school. After all, you ran the local paper.’

‘I have been asked to do the job by the authorities.’

‘What authorities, the school board no longer sits?’

‘The occupation authorities, of course.’

I hated the smug superior look on the face of the man who said those words. I couldn’t believe that an Englishman would ever cooperate with the Nazi thugs but it looked very much like this one had. One day there would be a reckoning and I hoped that I would be there to see him get his comeuppance.

Glaring at the man, Nan did not say anything for a moment but looked like she might say something that she might regret. I did not want her to get into any trouble. I had just found her and I didn’t want to lose her again.

‘Nan, do you want us to carry on while you and the nice man go and talk.’ I enquired sweetly.

She looked at me, annoyed for a moment and I just winked. She got the message and visibly calmed down.

‘You had better come to my study. Claire, can you make us a cup of tea?’

‘Yes, erm Auntie,’ she replied as she followed them out of the room.

We all looked at each other.

‘That man is not sweet,’ said Ethel.

‘I know that’, I replied, ‘I didn’t want Nan to put her foot in it. She has a bit of a short fuse.’

‘Is he a cloberator?’ asked Helen.

‘You mean collaborator,’ corrected Glad, ‘yes he is, although I would like to clobber him.’

We all laughed, well it was funny.

After a while, Nan came back in without referring to her meeting with Albert, although the look on her face indicated that it didn’t go well.

We stayed and worked until about three in the afternoon. Nan then told us to go back to the cottage while she had a few errands to run. I wondered what those errands were, but held my tongue.

‘Don’t forget to get back before dark.’ I said, feeling rather protective of Nan.

‘I will, don’t worry’ she replied, smiling at me.

As she walked out, Claire turned to me.

‘I thought that your nan was a Miss, not a Mrs?’

‘All the children in the school called the lady teachers Miss, whether they had been married or not. My grandad, Nan’s husband died at the end of the Great War, gassed I think, so obviously, I never knew him.’

~*~

Nan had left a pot of stew on the range and the smell was wafting through the cottage as we walked in the kitchen. It made us all feel very hungry but we had to make do with biscuits and a cup of whatever we liked (tea for me) until Nan got back from her travels.

I took my cup of tea up to the bedroom and sat on my bed. Sometimes I needed a bit of peace and quiet and anyway, the others had decided to play a rather noisy game of snakes and ladders. I never knew you could cheat so much and the resulting shouting and complaints were enough for me to go and seek solitude!

As I sat, I looked over the harbour and out to the sea beyond. It was an ever-changing vista that never failed to interest me. There were many boats in the harbour, mostly fishing, but some private ones too. Nan had a pair of binoculars that she said that she used for bird watching but I was sure she just liked to be nosy and find out what was going on in the village and more important what her neighbours were getting up to.

Out to sea were a few large ships on the horizon and I wondered where they had come from and where they were going to. The Germans pretty well ran the oceans now and there was no opposition to their powerful navy which included the huge fleet of submarines that had wreaked such havoc to our merchant shipping before we lost the war.

Lost the war; it was still something that I found hard to believe. We were supposed to be strong but we weren't strong enough. Every country that they had invaded had fallen under the tyranny of the jackboot and countries that weren't under occupation had left us to our fate.

I could understand why we had been left to it, the Germans were just too strong and economies throughout the world continued to be weak and could not finance any sort of war machine. Germany had taken over countries one by one and bled them dry of resources.

America had its own problems and Canada? Well, I wasn’t sure about them or Australia and New Zealand. We had very little information to go on but I hoped and prayed that one day, we will get the help we needed to get rid of the hated enemy.

Would we ever be Great Britain again? I didn’t know but what I did know was that we had to fight for our country by any means at our disposal. I owed it to my parents and sister to fight on and I would do all I could to be part of the fight against the Nazi tyranny…

‘Carol.’

I jumped at the voice behind me and I turned around.

‘Hello Helen,’ are you alright?’

She looked a bit upset as she came and sat beside me on the bed. I had noticed that she had been crying. I gave her a hug and she started sobbing into my shoulder.

‘Whats wrong honey?’ I asked softly, stroking her hair, which, at last, was getting longer.

She didn’t need to wear a hat now to hide her short back and sides. I gave her my clean hanky and she proceeded to wipe her eyes and then blow her nose rather loudly. She then tried to hand it back to me with a, ‘thank you.’

‘No, that’s alright, keep it, I have plenty.’

‘Thanks, Carol, do I look like a real girl?’ she asked, sniffing and looking at me with those large doe-like eyes that she had.

That was a surprising question and one that I never expected to hear. How to answer that without hurting her feelings?

Looking at her, sat beside me in a skirt and blouse, her hair longer than ever before, tied with a pink ribbon, she looked nothing like a boy.

I had to be honest with her, even though it might hurt her feelings.

‘Well Helen, you have a marvelous disguise and you do look like a girl but that’s good as it means that no one, including the Germans, will ever think that you are a boy and that means that you are safe from being taken away at the moment, although that might change in the future.’

She thought about what I said for a moment.

‘B…but,’

‘But what honey?’

‘I…I don’t want to go back to being a boy anymore.’

‘Pardon?’

She looked at me, tears starting to flow again.

‘I don’t want to be a boy. Since I’ve been Helen, I seem to be happier, no that’s wrong, how can anyone be happy after what we have all been through. I've always been what my mum called a gentle boy. I was never into rough and tumble and I didn’t have many friends. I seemed to get on more with girls than boys and my best friend was the girl next door, Melanie. She left at the start of the war and went to live with her aunt in the country and I have not seen her for ages I don’t even know if she's alive.’

‘Just because you had friends that were girls doesn’t mean that you are a girl though,’ I said playing devil's advocate.

‘I know, but I just seem happier as a girl. I wear pretty clothes, much nicer than my rough boy's things and I can be gentle and kind and be myself. I don’t have to appear big and strong when I’m just not like that. Was it like that for you?’

I thought for a moment.

‘I suppose so, but I always felt like something wasn’t quite right with me, you know a square peg in a round hole. I think that I have always been a girl inside and now I can be one outside too, if you know what I mean.’

‘I think so. I had a long talk with your nan and she was very nice about and said that I should speak to you about it ‘cos you know what it feels like to be like this. Do you think that I’m being silly?’

I looked at her standing there, a now wet hankie in her hand-wringing it nervously. I knew a bit about what she was talking about but I had no idea whether what she was feeling was the same as what I felt, after all, we were all different and no one's journey was the same. I supposed that everyone's experience was different and the last thing that I wanted to do was to put barriers in her way or question what she was feeling.

‘Of course you're not being silly, ‘ I said, ‘only you know how you are truly feeling about who and what you are. Look I can only say how I feel. I have to honest though, you have always said that you are unhappy about dressing as a girl and now, all of a sudden you are happy with it. Are you sure you are not just trying to fit in?’

I hated saying that, but I just wanted to make sure that she wasn’t just reacting to the situation she found herself in.
‘You don’t believe me,’ she said, tears starting to form in her eyes again.

I gathered her up in my arms.

‘Of course I believe you. I'm sorry to question you like this, but the other girls might not believe you, unless you are absolutely certain that this is what you want.’

‘It is what I want, I know I was reluctant to be seen as a girl and at first I thought that I was being silly about my feelings and tried to not give in to them. It wasn’t until I arrived down here that I started to feel a bit more safe that I had time to really think about things and then I realised that I was a girl and not a boy. Everything I had felt before about being more gentle, kind and liking girl things sort of snapped into place and I just knew that I was really a girl. Your nan helped me and told me that I shouldn’t be scared to be who I wanted to be but I had to decide for myself but to talk to you first to see what you said about it.’

'Well honey, I think that if you believe that you are a girl then you are one. I know that I wouldn’t care less what anyone else said, I know who I am and I'm a girl and proud of it.’

‘Me to,’ replied Helen with a big grin on her face.

Hand in hand, we went downstairs and into the sitting room where the other girls were still playing there silly game of snakes and ladders.

Ethel looked up when we came in.

‘Hello, what's up with you two, you both look ever so serious and Helen, have you been crying?’

I noticed that everyone had stopped playing their game and were staring at us.

It had gone very quiet.

Helen's hand gripped mine. It was like a vice.

Helen wasn’t going to say anything, I could tell.

‘Right you lot, listen up. Heather has told me that she isn't a boy anymore and she thinks that she hasn’t ever been one really and so she wants to be treated like a real girl and not a pretend one.’

There was silence for a moment and I winced slightly as Heather held my hand even tighter, if that was possible.

‘Well,’ said Claire, ‘Who would ever want to be a stupid boy anyway? Mind you, Heather, we saw you when you were dressed like a boy and let's face it, you didn’t look like a very good one, so welcome to the club!’

There was silence for a moment and then everyone started talking at once. If Helen had any worries about being accepted, she needn't have worried, as we all had a sort of mass hug. For some reason, we were all crying, but that was alright, girls are allowed to cry when they are said and when they are happy.

It seemed like everyone agreed with Claire.

Helen was there to stay!

Please leave comments and let me know if you want this to continue. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie...thanks! ~Sue

There was silence for a moment and I winced slightly as Heather held my hand even tighter, if that was possible...


We Shall Fight On The Beaches...

Chapter 10

By Susan Brown

---

This is an incomplete story that I have always meant to finish but never got around to it. I do not like to leave a story like that so I have, at long last, finished it. I will be publishing the rest of the story over the next three weeks or so. Thanks for your patience.

Previously...

There was silence for a moment and I winced slightly as Heather held my hand even tighter, if that was possible.

‘Well,’ said Claire, ‘Who would ever want to be a stupid boy anyway? Mind you, Heather, we saw you when you were dressed like a boy and let's face it, you didn’t look like a very good one, so welcome to the club!’

There was silence for a moment and then everyone started talking at once. If Helen had any worries about being accepted, she needn't have worried, as we all had a sort of mass hug. For some reason, we were all crying, but that was alright, girls are allowed to cry when they are sad and when they are happy.

It seemed like everyone agreed with Claire.

Helen was there to stay!

And now the story continues…

Days went into weeks where nothing much seemed to be happening. All of us girls wanted to do something, anything to hit back at the Germans. However, there were more and more of the enemy around and you couldn’t walk around a corner without bumping into the heavily armed soldiers.

Very little information was forthcoming about what was going on outside our small village. The men and boys of the village and surrounding areas had all gone now to a secret location that only a few locals knew about. I think that Nan knew, but she didn’t tell us as, according to her, the fewer people in the know, the better.

We were now back at school and although we grumbled about it at first, we at least had something to do now. Unfortunately though, the curriculum was controlled by our captors, or so they thought. There were about thirty girls and eight small boys in the school now and three teachers including my nan. She had made sure that the teachers were not Nazi sympathisers though. The only person in the pocket of the enemy was Albert Robbins.

Albert used to be the local paper editor, local being the Polperro and Looe areas. He still published his paper which was completely under the control of the enemy with nothing but propaganda and Nazi-friendly news. It was a very good paper for wiping one's bottom in the lavatory or maybe, at a pinch, to wrap fish and chips in, but not good for much else.

Anyway, he now combined running the paper with being the school secretary. He was, in fact, just being a spy for the Nazis. We found out later that he was a Black Shirt and had been for years, Black Shirts being the British Union of Fascists and National Socialists, led by the hated Oswald Moseley.

My Nan ran a constant battle with Albert about the running of the school and she tried, as much as possible, to keep him away from us pupils or anything to do with our education.

Apart from the teachers, we had several mothers helping out at the school. We also had lookouts who told us when any Germans were about to come into school, a thing that they did on occasion to make sure we were taught correctly.

We, in effect, had two curriculums. One was what the Germans wanted us to learn and the other, a true one, without the biased Nazi slant. This was difficult for some of the children, especially the younger ones who had no real idea as to what was going on. Those kids were more or less kept out of the loop and only taught the bare necessities, like English, German (unfortunately) maths, reading and writing.

What with Albert being around and the German snap inspections, times were hard at the school. Somehow though, once the authorities thought that we were towing the party line, inspections became fewer and fewer and Nan was able to give us all a more balanced education.

Life wasn’t easy. Although the war was effectively over, food was in short supply and rationing was reinstated after just a few months. It was rumoured that most of our menfolk unlucky enough to be caught by the enemy were used by the Germans for what was still called the war effort, which meant that they were shipped off somewhere to fight.

We had two Jewish families in the village including five children. We had heard of the horrors perpetrated on the Jews by the Nazis in our country and abroad. They were spirited away to safety shortly after the Germans entered the village. I just hoped that they were safe.

News of any sort was hard to come by. Radios were still working, but somehow the only news we were getting was via “official channels”. We believed that some of the wavelengths were somehow being blocked or jammed by the enemy, although we had no proof of that.

We came to hate the so-called news from the GBC, formally BBC. I grew to hate William Joyce or Lord Haw-Haw as he was known, for his regular broadcasts, spouting the poisonous so-called news that the Germans wanted us to hear, like the capture of even more countries and how wonderful it was to live with the benign rule under the flag of the swastika.

However, there was some sort of grapevine that did give us a somewhat truer version of what was happening in the world.

It appeared that we still had an active resistance throughout the country, which was relatively small compared to the occupying forces but nevertheless effective, with reports of stiff resistance in some areas. There were stories of railway tracks being blown up and bridges too.

A number of Hurricanes and Spitfires were kept in secret locations and had made several successful sorties against the enemy. Although information was sketchy, we were informed that they were a thorn in the side of the enemy and at least it gave us some cheer in what was a time of despair.

Abroad, it appeared that Norway was still free but we didn’t know for how long. Like Sweden, they were being threatened by extreme reprisals including atom bombs if they did not surrender. There was some speculation that Russia was in the process of another revolution against the German occupation and the enemy was sending large forces to quell it at great cost.

All these situations were rumours not based on concrete facts, except for the evidence of our resistance movement causing damage at strategic points. I liked the fact that we had not totally given in to the Nazi war machine.

So, normal life for us was going to school, coming home and not much else. Eventually, a bit more food became available, although there was still rationing. There was always some sort of food on the table, as not everything went through official channels. Nan managed to get a few luxury items like fresh fruit and the occasional leg of lamb. How she did this, we weren’t sure and never asked.

Both Helen and I were happy in our femininity and I think that we both found it hard to think of our past as anything other than being girls. Helen blossomed once she realised who and what she really was.

One afternoon after school, Nan called Helen and me into the kitchen away from the others.

‘Sit down girls.’ She said, pointing at the kitchen table.

We did as we asked, wondering what the problem was.

‘Don’t worry,’ said Nan, ‘you haven’t done anything wrong…’

Just then Alison walked in, biting on an apple.

‘Alison, go away and tell the others to stay out of the kitchen for a few moments.’

‘Why?’ she said, chewing.

‘Alison, mind your own business and do as you’re told and close the door after you.’

‘Sorry Auntie,’ she mumbled, turning a nice shade of red and leaving us alone.

‘Right, as I was saying. You aren’t in any trouble. I need to be sure that you're both happy being girls.’

‘Yes,’ I said.

‘Of course Auntie,’ said Helen.

‘You in particular Helen. Are you really sure that you want to be a girl for the rest of your life? After all, you hated dressing as a girl at first.’

‘I am a girl Auntie. It was as if my life before was a lie and I didn’t understand why. Once I accepted that I was different from other boys, I realised that I was never really one, if you know what I mean. Wearing dresses made me act like a girl and to me, after a while, it wasn’t an act anymore. I was being the real me. So yes, I want to stay a girl forever.’

She was so young, but she sounded like a girl much older than her years. It was a pity that we were forced into acting as adults many years before we should have.

‘Alright Helen, I’ll respect your wishes. Carol, I don’t need to ask you about this, do I?’

‘No Nan. I’m a girl and always have been.’

She looked at us and then nodded.

‘Right, get your coats on, we are going to see Doctor Arnold. She wants to see you about your situation.’

‘Situation?’ I said.

‘Yes, when you saw her last, she wasn’t able to have a chat with you about being girls rather than boys. She wants to help as much as she can. So, let’s go.’

I had seen Doctor Arnold once since moving down. She gave us girls a once over to see that we didn’t have anything wrong with us. She knew that Helen and I were not officially girls but made no remarks about it. I suspect that Nana had already filled her in on the situation.

She seemed very nice and gentle when we saw her last. I suppose that she was in her forties and I understood that her husband, also a doctor, had been killed early in the war. She was the only doctor that we had and I think that the whole village was thankful for that.

The other girls were busy cheating on some sort of board game and being noisy about it. We left the cottage unnoticed and made our way down the road.

As we turned into Landaviddy Lane we were stopped by a soldier. He had a submachine gun in his hand, known I believe as an MP40, and I think that he probably knew how to use it. He was a SS private; you tell by his collar badge.

‘Why are you here?’ he said with a Birmingham accent.

‘Going to see the doctor.’

He looked at us all and I tried to look as innocent as possible. Not easy as I would have cheerfully strangled him, given the chance.

He put his gun over his shoulder and stuck his hand out.

‘Papers,’

As a matter of course, we all carried our papers and we handed them over for inspection.

Nan had an expressionless face. It didn’t do to show any emotions to pigs like him.

He handed back the papers.

‘Move on and don’t forget the curfew.’

With that, he strutted off down the road like a peacock, I thought.

‘Auntie…’ said Helen.

‘Not now, later,’ replied Nan, tersely.

I think that I knew what Helen was about to say. The man in the SS uniform was English!

Soon after, we climbed up the step to the doctor's surgery, which just happened to be yet another cottage, where the doctor lived.

We knocked on the door and the doctor herself answered.

‘Ah.’ There you are; I thought that you might have got lost!’

‘We got stopped.’ Said Nan.

‘Soldiers?’

‘Just one, SS, English though.’

‘That’s a new one. Although I heard rumours. One day he’ll regret it.’

We all nodded as one.

‘Right, who’s first?’

I put my hand up, thinking, the sooner it’s over the better.

‘Right, come into my surgery. Rose, would you like to stay out here with Helen?’

I had forgotten that Nan’s name was Rose!

Nan just nodded and holding Helen's hand they went over and sat down on some chairs.

I sat down opposite the doctor. Between us was a desk with lots of medical-type stuff on it like a blood pressure monitor, stethoscope and kidney dishes. Together with some papers.

‘Right Carol. Take off your coat and put it on the back of your chair. We didn’t get a chance to talk when you last came here. I know something about your situation from Rose, but tell me in your own words why you believe that you are a girl rather than a boy?’

I won't go over again about why I knew that I was a girl, as I have mentioned this before in this journal but it took a good ten minutes before I had finished explaining.

She was taking notes whilst I spoke and I wondered in passing what she could have been writing down; that I was a nutcase maybe?

At long last, I had finished.

‘Thanks for telling me that Carol, it must have been hard. I am sorry to hear about your mum and sister. So, let’s have a look at you. Please take off your dress and underthings and jump up on the examination couch. Don’t worry, I’ve seen just about everything and there isn’t much that surprises me anymore!

She said that with a smile and she was reassuring, so I didn’t hesitate and did as I was told.

It felt strange sitting the wearing only my long white socks.

She took my blood pressure and had a listen to my chest. She then had a good look at my groin area and prodded me about a bit. She then had me stand up and cough whilst she held my hated boy bits.

‘Hmm,’ she said.

‘Hmm?’

‘Yes, I suppose you realise that your testicles haven’t dropped?’

‘My what?’

‘Testicles, balls if you like.’

‘Erm no,’ I replied not knowing what else to say and feeling a bit embarrassed.

Other boys when I was at school, mentioned stuff about balls and dicks and how wonderful they were; you know big and stuff like that. But I wasn’t into boy talk much and I had never had much interest in what boys talked about and I never looked at other boys tackle, as they put it, in the changing room.

So, when the doctor talked about my balls or testicles dropping, I wasn’t too sure what she was talking about as all I had was a penis and a sack underneath it.

She saw that I was confused and she spelt things out for me. She said that I should have, by now, testicles in my ball sack, but it hadn’t happened.

‘Have you never discussed birds and bees with your mum?’

‘Erm, no, what about them?’

I wondered what on Earth she was talking about and what it had to do with me.

‘Hmm, your education is a bit lacking. I will have to go into the whys and wherefores of that when I have a bit more time. This problem you have should have been picked up when you were small. Have you had any pain down below?’

‘No.’

‘Let me know if you do get pains down there. Anyway, back to your problems regarding your gender. I am no expert, they are hard to come by, but seeing you and how well you present as a girl and the fact that you have not started puberty yet lead me to believe that I may be able to help you, as long as you are absolutely sure that you want to live as a girl for the rest of your life.’

‘I am.’

She sighed, rubbed her eyes and then looked at a few papers on her desk.

‘Normally, I would say wait until you are older before making such a drastic decision, but these are strange times and the things that you and many other children have gone through make you more adult if you like and I believe able to make decisions now. In addition to that is the stark fact that it is safer, at the moment, to be seen as a girl rather than a boy. So I am agreeable to supply you with a drug that will help stop you from developing as a boy. The name of the drug is Premarin. This is normally used for women who have low hormones but it can and is used in some cases such as yours. I think that Rose told you that two other children living here have similar problems to yourself?’

‘Yes.’

‘Well, if you wish I will start you on these pills and we’ll see how you go. So do you want to start the treatment?’

‘Yes please!’

She opened a drawer and handed me a box of pills and handed them to me.

‘Take one pill in the morning and one in the evening with food. Come and see me in a week's time, alright?’

‘Yes, thank you doctor,’ I said as I stood up.

‘Remember if you get any pains down below or a bad reaction to the pills, come and see me straight away, now go and ask Rose and Helen to come in. Oh and Carol,’

‘Yes?’

‘You are a very pretty girl and I think that your Mum and sister would be proud of you.’

‘Thanks,’ I replied with a lump in my throat.

I sat outside in the waiting room whilst Nan and Helen, who looked a bit scared went to see the doctor.

I was there for a long time and I read an old Country Life magazine from before the war. Everything seemed so normal. The countryside was lovely and the articles reflected the fact that the world was a happier place. Although there were mentions of Germany and the changes that were going on in that country it sounded positive and benign. I wondered if everyone was looking at the situation there with rose-tinted glasses. Germany had been an unhappy place since The Great War, called by many to be the war to end all wars. Well, it wasn’t that and from my understanding, Germany hated the settlement at the end of that conflict and it probably helped to fuel the new war.

I was reading the letters section of the old magazine where someone was complaining about the price of animal feed when Nan and Helen walked in.

Helen looked happy and so did Nan.

‘Hello,’ I said, looking at Helen, ‘alright?’

She nodded.

‘She thinks that I make a nice girl and if I still want to be one in a year or two, she’ll give me some pills. I told her that I was a girl and not a boy and she said, it certainly looked that way to her. I have to go and see her once a month to check up on how I was doing.’

‘Right you two, let’s get home. I hate to think what those girls are up to!’

Luckily we got home without being accosted by any soldiers and luckily, the cottage hadn’t been wrecked!

The others obviously wanted to know how we got on and we told them, although I didn’t go into detail about my missing bits. It was nice that they accepted the situation. For a long time now, we had been treated and accepted as girls by them and I felt so lucky to have a sort of a new family. Yes, they were my family now and I considered them to be my sisters. I only wished that my real-life sister was still with us but sadly it wasn’t to be and I would have to accept things as they were. There were others in much worse situations than mine and I would have to count myself as lucky.

We had a discussion about the soldier that stopped us.

‘He was English? shouted Alison.

‘Don’t shout Alison,’ said Nan, ‘yes he was. I find it hard to believe that anyone from this country would ever serve the Nazis but there it is. One day he and any others who help the enemy will get their just deserts. I only hope that he is in the minority. It was bad enough before the war with the Black Shirts and their poisonous doctrine. But girls, listen to me.’

We all looked at her serious face, wondering what she was going to say.

‘Do not under any circumstances show contempt or answer back to any soldiers, no matter where they come from. They are in power and they are ruthless. I wasn’t going to tell you this, but it will be a lesson for you. I know that you want to go out and harm the German cause and do some sabotage, but I want you to hold back for the moment.’

‘Why?’ asked Ethel and Glad together.

‘Last week in West Looe, a young girl was caught trying to let down tyres on an armoured car. She was captured and taken away. Her family was rounded up and taken too. All except the grandfather, a 63-year-old man with one leg that he lost fighting in the last terrible war. They strung him up in public and kept him swinging there for two days. Now I didn’t want to tell you this but this isn’t some sort of game or adventure, it's real life and death. When the time comes, we will do our bit and overthrow these animals, but we will pick our time and place, understood?’

She looked at our shocked faces. I felt physically sick at the thought of that poor man and his family. I felt so angry and I knew that the others did two, but we had to heed Nan’s warning. But when the time came, we knew that we would do all that we could to fight back and win back our country.

*

That evening I took my first pill and wondered when I would feel the effects. I hoped that it would be soon. I checked my breasts every morning for signs of them getting larger, but I was disappointed when things didn’t happen straight away. I should mention that I tend to be a little impatient!

Helen was really happy after the talk with the doctor. She didn’t seem too bothered that I was taking pills and she wasn’t. I think that she realised that she was too young, but that didn’t mean that given the chance, she would have them too!

Life continued for a while and the new normal was having to watch where we went and be expected to be stopped and questioned by the soldiers. Many evenings we sat around wondering how things were going on in the rest of the country and around the world. Things had gone very quiet and it was rare that we heard anything.

There were rumours, of course, we had no way to verify facts. For example, Russia had risen against the German occupiers and had taken Stalingrad and the reformed army was sweeping across Russia towards Moscow. Also, China and India had formed an unlikely alliance and were amassing forces to throw against Germany and its allies.

All this seemed unlikely to us as Russia was a vast country and we had no idea how the Russians would be able to obtain weapons and supplies. Still, it all gave us hope where hope had no place to be.

One day after school, rather than go home, I decided that I wanted to go somewhere quiet and just have some time to myself. The day was hot and I was wearing a particularly summery dress. It was an A-line puff-sleeve pink dress with tiny yellow flowers. I should have worn a slip, but it was too hot. The hem went down to just beneath my knees and it was made of a very light cotton. My hair by now, had reached my shoulders and I had it tied back with a pink ribbon bow. It was pretty yet practical and kept my hair off my neck in the warm weather.

Have I ever mentioned that I loved pink?

Anyway, I had a place, just around the headland where I liked to go and sit. There was a bench there and it was nice and quiet and I could just forget my troubles for a short time and just relax.

I climbed the steps and up the hill and then, a short way along, I turned a corner. The sea was blue and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky. I stopped for a moment to take in the view and then walked the hundred yards or so to get to my favourite bench around the bend.

I stopped suddenly; a German soldier was sitting on what I considered to be my bench!

He looked up at me. Then he stood up suddenly.

I turned to go.

‘Please stop. I was only resting.’

He spoke English with a slight German accent. He was young, very young. He couldn’t have been more than 18, maybe even younger. He didn’t look like he shaved much, if at all.

‘I…I’m sorry to disturb you.’ I said.

‘Please, come and sit. I am due back soon.’

I hesitantly went forward and sat awkwardly on the bench.

‘Can I join you?’

I nodded, not knowing what else to say. Germans don’t normally ask, they tell or order you.

We sat there saying nothing. I didn’t know what to say if anything. How do you speak to the enemy?

‘Your dress is very pretty,’ he said, ‘oh sorry, I shouldn’t say that.’

‘Erm, thank you. It’s nice you think so.’

We sat there for a few moments more and then he coughed and spoke up.

‘This is a nice place to live but I wish I was back home.’

‘Where’s home?’

‘Quedlinburg.’

‘Where is that?’

‘Saxony-Anhalt. I suppose the nearest city is Leipzig. It is very pretty.’

‘Why are you here?’

‘I had no choice, I was conscripted.’

‘You are young for the army?’

‘Sixteen, it used to be over seventeen, but no longer. There are men over sixty being called up also.’

He looked around, looking a bit frightened.

‘I want to go home to my mother. Father died fighting the Russians. It is only me and Mother now. I am frightened for her.’

I had no idea why this boy was confiding in me like this but I was intrigued by what he was saying.

‘I live with my Nan and sisters. I have no parents now. Dad was killed fighting and my Mum and erm, other sister died in the bombing of London.’

‘I am sorry. So many people dead and for what?’

‘I don’t know. I just want things to get better.’

I played with the hem of my dress as we talked.

‘Do other soldiers feel the same as you?’

‘Most do, but some are fanatical Nazis. You have to watch what you say around them. Most of our leaders are pigs.’

He said the last with venom.

He looked at me, stood up and smiled sadly.

‘I do not know why I have told you all this, but thank you for listening. I have to go; I am on duty and the Feldwebel will have my guts if I do not do my patrol as I should. Auf Wiedersehen Fraulein.’

With that, he walked off around the corner.

I never saw him again.

It left me wondering why he had chosen me of all people to talk about the things that were worrying him. I supposed that he could not talk of such things to fellow soldiers in case someone blabbed and told his superiors.

So, all was not well among the Germans. That was good, but I felt so sorry for the boy, he may be a soldier who could if ordered, kill others, but he was still just a scared boy. It reminded me that there were what I called normal, I might say decent people on both sides.

Please leave comments if you have the time. Oh, and if you can, please do the kudo-thingie...thanks! ~Sue