Chapter One Beginnings
I am sitting in the bed room banished to isolation until I am eighteen. For me that means at least three years. I heard mother is threaten to quit her job to home school me for the remainder of tenth grade through graduation. She is suffering major ticks in her right eye due to embarrassment because of me. Something about not being able to face her law partners ever again. It did not matter when I told her they do not know about this yet. In fact my parents are the only ones who figured it out. Ok so a few friends are in on it as well. They don’t dare say anything because they will be in as much trouble as me.
At first father laughed his butt off until he saw mom’s reaction. He knew then the appropriate resolution would be me only in the hot seat. That is when dad turned on me. Right now they are downstairs trying to create a cover story. I did not help when I said this was all mom’s fault for sticking me with this dumb name.
I am fifteen years old in tenth grade stuck with the French Canadian name Jean-Marie Lafleur. People here in Texas don’t understand a boy named Jean-Marie. Johnny Cash sang about a Boy Named Sue. It was Cash‘s premise if you gave a boy a feminine name it would force him to be tough. It may have worked for Sue but not in my case. They may as well have named me Sue. At least I could claim they were Johnny Cash fans. Texans could understand that.
You see Dad is a French Canadian. In fact he was named after a famous hockey player, Guy Lafleur. No relation but dad likes to let people think the hockey player is an uncle or something. Hyphenated names in dad’s culture are usually composed of two names from the same gender; such as, Jean-Pierre, Paul-Henri, Anne-Laure, or Marie-á‰lise. Less commonly, they are composed of one boy name and one girl name, with the correct gender name first, as in Jean-Marie for a boy or Marie-Jacques for a girl. Note that hyphenated names are considered a single unit together, they are the person's first name, not a first and a middle. To further complicate my naming issue in this country Jean is the female version of Gene. As expected the hyphen disappeared when people wrote my name. No one believes Marie is not my middle name.
You know how parents always resort to shouting middle names before a melt down. Like, Paul Michael get over here? When they throw out the middle name everybody within ear shot knows you are toast. It is far worse if they yell Paul Michael Jones. That is reserved for major offenses. Mom always used a gentle tone every time she said Jean-Marie. Anyone who heard thought ‘uh oh the kid is in trouble.’ She never said Jean hyphen Marie. So how are they to know the hyphen is there? Naturally, they think you are in trouble. Of course mom used the French pronunciation of Jean but Marie is all they ever heard. You would think mom would have wised up after hearing how pretty I am more than a hundred times from strangers.
Yes, I know I am taking awhile to get to the problem. Everybody always said I am too wordy. It is a long story though and quite complicated. It was not only my name that created the problem. There were my friends and their stupid dare. Then the particularly evil computer game followed some more by my helpful friends. Now that I think about it the bullies did not help either. They are all factors not in the order listed.
Anyway here I am in a town of ten to fifteen thousand in West Texas. There is nothing poor about the place. Oil money has seen to that. I think it was a New Yorker though that set up the school system. Most thinking people understand high school consists of the Freshman, Sophomore, Junior and Senior years. What idiot puts ninth graders in middle school? That is where I ended up, Willis Elliot Middle School or the Willies as we called it.
My associates consisted of Craig (boner) Nelson, and Rocky Collins. I heard somewhere the nickname Rocky is given to stupid people or those with the given name Rocco. I will let you decide where Evan’s nick of Rocky came from. For the record boner is derived from the same source as Rocky. I would not want you confused thinking Craig was big in that way.
Boner lived at 22 Maple Street four doors from my house at 28. Rocky lived next to me at number 26. It was natural that three ninth graders living so close together either killed each other or hung out together. I would be remiss not to mention Pam, Becky or Tracy because they were at fault too. Though, it would take them another year to mess me up. Let’s just say Rocky and Boner started it. It is really sad you can walk the entire six blocks from one end of Maple street to the other and not find a single Maple tree. The same is true for Cherry, Oak, Pine and all the other tree streets.
Craig was a little taller than average at five foot eight inches and one hundred fifty pounds. Rocky is two inches shorter and twenty pounds heavier. I am lacking being only five foot two and one half inches. When I fill my book bag and stand on the scale I weight one twenty. That is the problem coupled with my other attributes. I wear my jet black hair in a feathered style. I sort of like the sweep lying over my brows. Pam told me it was sexy as it framed my oval deep blue pools. When a cute girl says sexy and deep blue pools in the same sentence when talking about me, I take notice. It does not enhance my macho image when delicate strands gently curl on top of my shoulders. You can’t see my ears because of the hair. Rocky told me I have ugly ears so I hide them. Ok so it is my fault I look more like Marie than Gene. I prefer the American Gene to the drippy French Jean Marie. That is until this problem and I admit I rather like it now. I know I am getting ahead of myself again.
I find myself being clever placing a water balloon inside Ray Walker’s locker door. Oh, I forgot to mention the lockers sometimes stick open if you don’t add an extra twist when closing them. Something to do with the Texas heat I think. Ray is one of those guys who likes to bump me into doors and walls. I thought it was funny when he opened his door and the balloon broke. Ray did not. It was a minor victory but I had to spend several weeks avoiding him. Ray has several friends who really like my name because they never miss enunciating Marie. I have gotten used to the taunts. What really bothered me was when they escalated to demanding my lunch money. Of course, I never gave them any and usually found myself stuffed in the dumpster.
Puberty has not kicked in regarding me as it has for Boner and Rocky. They are suddenly getting bigger. Their status has not grown with their size. Like me, they are still computer geeks and not into the jock category. Size alone protects them from general bumping and in your face threats. Pam told me I needed to use manipulation and guile to avoid trouble from Ray and his friends. I thought about that but it sounded a bit girly to me.
Thanks to Boner and Rocky, they set me straight about that. In the early spring after three semesters of torment my friends pulled me aside. I will try explaining what I remember of the conversation. We were standing outside of school before the first bell.
“Look Jean Ray is only going to get worse. The girls are right you need to use stealth.”
That was Boner talking. Rocky jumped in.
“we are not always nearby. You know he waits until you are alone.”
I whined “The girls want me to act like them. I am not a girl.”
Boner raised an exasperated look and said something that made sense.
“You think the thieves in our D&D games are sissies? They use cunning and guile to beat the stronger rangers.”
The bell rang and we went inside. It did not take long for Ray to catch up with me. Between the first and second periods he trapped me in front of my locker. As I reached into the locker to get a book, his arm pressed against the door. I turned around to see Ray in my face. With nowhere to go I could almost taste his nasty breath. Whispering so the others could not hear Ray threatened.
“Give me your lunch money Marie or else.”
Ray’s stance with his arm pinning me against the locker presented an interesting pose. It reminded me of the football players and their cheerleader girlfriends. She would be in front of her locker. The football player’s arm was against the door and he is leaning in for a kiss.
In full panic mode I reacted. My thoughts were guile, thanks Pam. Stealth mode from my role playing games provided my rational. I kneed him in the nuts. He fell back in pain kneeling on the floor. I could see Mr. Riley running down the hall and I shouted.
“Ray Walker don’t you try to kiss me again.”
Mr. Riley froze in mid stride the shock on his face was priceless. Ray’s court, exploded with John Mitchell laughing.
“Easy Ray, we know Marie is pretty but you have to control yourself.”
By then the whole crowd is laughing at and taunting Ray. Mr. Riley grabs him by the ear.
“to the office."
I guess the combination of my feminine hair cut, size and what I said momentarily confused Mr. Riley. With a concerned expression he asked,
“are you all right Miss?”
I nodded, “just keep him away from me.”
The principal called me into the office for my side of the story. I lied I said Ray tried to kiss me. Mr. Riley, still confused with his pronouns backed me up.
“Ray had her pushed up against her locker. He was in the classic pose of a boy about to kiss a girl.”
I admitted I looked like a girl adding more fuel to the fire.
“That does not give Ray permission to make sexual advances. I do not like boys that way.”
Principal Gibbons looked wary but did not challenge me. He suggested I get a hair cut.
Rocky and Boner went nuts telling me how great it was but I could expect to get killed. The rumor mill flooded the school with stories about Bubba Wilkins threatening to kill his kid if gay talk continued.
“No faggot will live in my house.”
That did not happen as Ray steered a wide birth when he returned from suspension. I thought it funny to watch Ray run in the other direction every time I smiled at him. I filed that experience away adding guile and stealth to my arsenal.
As the school year wound down the three Maple Street Marauders as we liked to call ourselves spent more time at role playing games. That is until Rocky and Boner discovered girls. I guess in their case puberty kicked in. Here in West Texas there are important social events. The primary focus after pick up trucks, beer and girls is football. That is until the Texas Rangers reached the world series the year before. My buds suddenly wanted to hit the diamonds that popped up almost everywhere.
Few bats were light enough to allow me a fluid swing. When I found one if I ever hit the ball it did not go far. Rocky and Boner were impressing the girls with their prowess. I watched often skulking back to my role playing games.
When you have three total babes living on the block your friend’s interest suddenly changes. Pam Michaels, Becky Williams and Traci Cox all fit in the babe mold. The problem is they are not stuck up all three met requirements as the girl next door. While my buds lusted after the girls shapes I noticed how they were dressed. It was the look and how different styles worked or did not for each of the girls.
I was sitting on my porch minding my own business when it started going south. I was simply Jean-Marie Lefluer a small fourteen year old. Picked on by bigger kids because of my name. The odd accent half French and Texas drawl did not help. When you grow up in a family with a French Canadian father you pick up his speech patterns.
Here I go wandering again. Anyway Pam walks by waving. I can see she is a bit upset.
“What is wrong Pam?”
“You would not understand,” she answers.
I shake my head, “try me.”
Like all girls will she was upset because some outfit did not look just right when she wore it. She really liked it but felt it looked wrong. I explained she should wear her hair a bit differently.
“Try pulling your hair away from your neck. The cut of the blouse will be enhanced if your neck is visible.”
She looked at me in an odd way considering a minute.
“I will try that, thanks.”
After another thoughtful gaze, Pam took off down the street.
I thought nothing more about it and returned to my spacing out. My cell rang it was an excited Pam thanking me because her outfit was suddenly perfect. If I were Boner or Rocky, I would have said something like.
“Great why don’t you wear it and we can show it off at the movies together.”
Those words never came out instead I said.
“I am glad it worked out.”
That was the end of that conversation and I was again alone on the porch bored to death.
Rocky and Boner were planning to try out for the football team when they reached high school next fall. We were all destined to attend Clayton Westmere High School. It was named after some local politician from a generation or two earlier. The girls attended Exeter Blakely Academy and exclusive private prep school. Prep because it sounded more impressive than High School and allowed them to charge higher prices. You needed impressive grades to be accepted and a minimum of B to avoid being tossed out.
It was no issue as far as I was concerned as I had no intention of going there. I have to admit the girls looked stylish in their blue blazers, gray pleated skirts, blue knee socks and white blouses. They told me they hated uniforms especially the stupid neck ties. I still thought they looked sharp. I could understand the male version was pretty ugly. Those pressed gray slacks, starched oxford shirts, blazer and tie is not an outfit I would wear.
Good old public school with my sloppy tees and jeans. I think that was the first time I considered how my hair would look with the girls’ school uniform.
I had taken to running with the idea of going out for the track team. All of us guys wore those baggy shorts in an attempt to be cool. I was complaining about my running and having trouble gaining speed. Becky heard that and smiled to Pam.
“Jean Marie helped you with your outfit last week Pam. You do owe him.”
Pam nodded saying
“it is the shorts that is the problem.”
I looked at her dubiously.
“What are you talking about?”
“Those baggy shorts look more like high water pants.” Pam giggled
Becky nodded “we call them capris.”
The two girls are laughing as my face reddens. Pam makes another suggestion.
“They have running shorts on sale this week. Come with us and we will show you.”
My buds smiled egging me on.
“Go for it” They both said.
That is how I ended up following Pam and Becky to Slater’s Sporting Goods. Pam steered me over to the salesgirl talking rapid fire.
“My friend Jean Marie needs a pair of running shorts. You have them on sale don’t you?”
I should have picked up on this right away and assumed the sales girl heard the Marie part of my name. I found myself in the Misses department.
“Jean Marie such a pretty name What size are you?”
I answered with my usual
“I do not know, small I guess.”
“Ah how sweet a French accent to go with the pretty name. Let me measure I am guessing a petite three.”
I should have balked and issued a protest but a sales woman thinking commission is quick with the tape.
“As I thought size three.”
She hands me a pair of blue nylon running shorts with a white swoosh where the pocket should have been. Fortunately, they were without any hint of gender.
“Try these on,” pointing to the changing room.
The girls pushed me into the closure giggling excitedly.
“Uh Jean Marie you are not wearing boxers are you?” Pam asked.
“No briefs.”
Both girls turned around blushing.
The shorts fell to mid thigh and fit perfectly. Not too loose or too snug.
“Good let's get them and get out of here.”
I said feeling somewhat foolish.
Becky encouraged me to wear them home while Pam kept staring at my legs. I noticed several high school boys giving me the once over in the food court. The three of us sat talking while one guy kept glancing in our direction.
“Who is that guy?”
Becky asked Pam.
“Dave McCauley,”
the other girl answered.
“I think he likes you Pam.”
“No Becky, he is looking at you. He attends Exeter don’t you recognize him?”
The conversation is interrupted when Dave approaches the table.
“Pam, Becky are you going to introduce me to your friend?”
He tilts his head toward me.
“I do not think we have met.”
I, fluster a bit trying to stifle my French accent but failed.
“I do not think we have. I am Jean Marie and you are?”
His smile broadens, “Dave McCauley. Do you go to Exeter?”
I answered with a short “no.”
“You should think about it for next year. What are you sixteen?”
Pam pokes him teasingly.
“Jean Marie is our age quit teasing you know better.”
Now it is Dave’s turn to blush.
“Sorry ladies you cannot blame a guy for trying.”
With that he walked off with his friends.
I turned to Pam and Becky.
“I know I am dense but was guy flirting with me?”
Both girls giggled again not answering the question. I did learn he is in tenth grade making him a year older than us. ‘A junior dating a Sophomore. That is somewhat acceptable.’ I suddenly snap to reality. ‘What are you thinking Jean Marie?’
I ran like crazy through the spring making the track team. There were several meets where I did well enough to gain some respect. At least most of the teasing let up and the bullies found other targets. Both Boner and Rocky grew bigger now six inches or so taller than me. I am in a holding position going nowhere fast. I do not need to tell you there are no girlfriends. Both of my buds found girls who wanted to date them. I was finding myself alone more and more. Until one fateful May evening when my cell rang. It was Traci.
“Hey Jean can you help me?”
I quickly noted she left out the Marie there goes the lost hyphen again.
“I, don’t know if I can I guess what is up?”
Traci was smiling. I could feel her bubbling grin over the phone. Did I tell you, she is perky? Traci is my height all five foot two. Her hair is a strawberry blond and long. She is stunning to say the least. If I had discovered girls, in other words hit puberty I would have massive wet dreams about her.
“I know how you helped Pam with her clothes and I need help with a skirt I am trying to sew. Can you come over please?”
Knowing better I should have come up with a creative lie. Nothing came to mind.
“I guess so” I answered.
A few minutes later I am knocking on the door of thirty Maple Street. Mrs. Cox answered the door.
“I am here to help Traci with her school project.”
Mrs. Cox ushers me in pointing to the stairs.
“She is in her room. Traci your friend is here.”
I heard a deep male voice call from another room.
“Emily, you know my rule. No boys are allowed upstairs.”
“I know honey it is Jean Marie.”
“Oh,” he answers “that’s ok.”
I could have sworn I heard him add “the nice girl from next door.”
Traci grabbed my hand pulling me into her room quickly closing the door.
“I do not want to embarrass you but would you mind trying on my skirt?”
I flushed,
“what are you nuts?”
Traci blushed
“Pam and Becky are away and you are my size. I will not tell anyone. I will not take any pictures or anything like that. I have to turn this in tomorrow. I cannot get the hem straight. It is too small for mom to wear and she cannot do it for me. Like if I wear it and she marks it up. The school considers that as cheating.”
Her plea was too much for me to resist. Those green eyes and her pout mastered to perfection melted my resistance.
“You won’t tell anybody not even Becky or Pam?”
“No I swear please.”
I exhaled slowly telling her
“hand me the skirt.”
“You have to take off your pants. I will turn around.
She turned facing the wall. I did not catch her peeking either. Well, I am not exactly a hunk. If it was that Dave, I know she would cop a peek. He is a hunk. What did I just say?
“Ok give me the skirt.”
She turns with her eyes widening.
“You are wearing boxers. They are too bulky and will throw everything out of balance. Wait a minute,” she concludes.
I watch Traci rummage through a dresser drawer. She hands me a pair of white nylon briefs.
“Use these I will step out into the hall while you change.”
“Are you serious?’
“Oh come on be a sport and the zipper goes in the back.”
She runs out into the hall before I can protest. The problem is those panties felt snug against my hips. There was no bulge because there is nothing to cause one. My testis have not dropped and my thing? Well there is not much to it. I shimmy into the skirt manage to zip it up and bleep.
“I am ready.”
Traci pops in rather giddy as she gazes at me. She kneels down playing with the hem adjusting it for length. The next thing I know she is telling me to turn slowly as she works the hem. She stands saying perfect when a knock on the door is heard. Traci tells her mother to come in. Mrs. Cox shakes her head.
“Traci it is too short. You have it almost three inches above Jean Marie’s knees. Take it down to an inch.”
“Aw mom,” comes her whine.
Mrs. Cox supervises while Traci adjust the length.
“There now that is much better. You can sew it tonight and thank you for your help Jean Marie.”
I nod face reddened a bit dying to make my escape when Mrs. Cox says one more thing.
“Jean Marie you are very pretty. You should wear skirts more often instead of those jeans all the time.”
Speechless, I can only smile as Traci’s giggling breaks the thought.
“That goes for you too Traci. Jean Marie would you like to stay for dinner?”
“I have to ask my mom, otherwise sure.”
That is how Traci and I became girlfriends. There would be no dates with her now that Mr. and Mrs. Cox were convinced I am the pretty neighbor girl. It is a good thing my parents work long hours and never socialize. At least they have not until now.
Through the spring, I spent considerable time with Traci, Pam and Becky. True to her word Traci never told the other girls about my skirt wearing. At least I do not think she did.
Chapter Two Symbols of Arcadia
Claude Lafleur, is my dad in case I had not mentioned it. Did you notice there is no freaking hyphen in his name? I would really like to discover there is a Louise or something like that. No such luck his middle name is Jacque. Well anyway he is a geologists working for one of the major oil companies. He leaves for work before I head out to school getting home about six pm. Sort of like mom, the lawyer who is at work just after sun up. She is home by five. On the weekends dad likes to wash and wax his BMW while I mow the lawn.
Dinner is usually at seven because of Dad’s long workday. The weather has warmed during mid May not that it is ever really cold here. At the dinner table I raised a simple question that should not have been a big deal.
“Do you mind if the lawn mowing waits until Sunday?”
Dad gazes at me his bushy eyebrows doing that curl signaling a long explanation about how the world order must be maintained.
“What is so important that you must postpone mowing the lawn?”
I blink thinking, ‘here we go again.’
Craig and Evan want me to go fishing with them at Round Lake.”
I use their proper names because dad does not like Rocky and mom freaks when I say Boner.
“What time do they plan on leaving? Those boys are not known for early rising.”
“Uh eight o’clock I am suppose to meet them at Craig’s house.”
Dad thinks a minute before his ridiculous answer.
“You can go right after you finish mowing.”
I blink protesting, “but dad Mrs. Cox next door is a doctor and the mowing will wake her up.”
My mother laughs as she glances toward dad. Mother always manages to get in the last word with a single glance.
“He has a point Emily works hard all week. It is not right to make noise that early Claude.”
Dad takes a deep breath.
“What time will you be home?”
I smile thinking I may have won.
“About five I guess.”
“Make it three you can mow then.”
There is no point in complaining because I know what the answer will be. I call the guys after dinner explaining I have to be back early. I get the usual teasing about being a daddy’s girl and not manning up. Whatever the hell manning up means.
The next day the three of us walk down Market street to the railroad tracks. We turn following the tracks south. Since the tracks form one leg of a triangle with Market and Exchange Streets, we save considerable distance. About a mile along the tracks we reach Round Lake. It is a short run through the field to the fishing hole. Boner suddenly stops as he spies a roll of brown paper in the brush.
“Whoa what is this?”
He picks up the package which has no ID on it and opens it. There is a flat piece of wood that looks like one of those six foot measuring sticks. There are lines every inch or so etched into the wood. As he tosses the paper aside a cd falls out. It is in one of those paper sleeves.
“What does that say? Symbols of Arcadia, whoa this is big time.”
I blink at Rocky’s excitement.
“I never heard of it.”
By now Boner has ramped up his expectations as well. I look down at the ground to spot a tiny web cam that fell out of the package.
“What is this?”
Boner grabs it from me excitedly.
“The cam goes with the game. Where have you been it is all over the net?”
Sheepishly, I admit I had never heard of it. Rocky fills me in.
“It is a role playing game where the game builds your character for you automatically. You use the included web cam to take your picture. You have to stand next to the stick. The game calculates your height and weight and muscle build from the scan the cam does. That is why the special cam. You then play your character and if you get through all levels the game company pays the team one thousand dollars each.”
Boner even more excited than before pushes Rocky to tell more.
“I heard about it. The game cost a hundred bucks or something like that. Let’s give it a try.”
Rocky shakes his head.
“I do not know I read where the government is saying it is dangerous”
Boner looks at Rocky like he is a jerk.
“These are the same fools who tell us Happy Meals will make us fat. Give me a brake the government is a bunch of idiots.”
We all said the same thing.
“You got that right.”
So much for the fishing trip. We turned around heading home. Having agreed to meet at Boner’s house at noon. Which would give me time to mow the damn lawn. After telling dad the fish were not biting, I got the mower out. It was the fastest mowing job I ever did. Meaning after dad checked it and I did it over again the job took an hour. Finally, after promising I’d be home by five I was off to Craig’s.
It did not take us long to install the program. We did not read the several dozen pages contained in the eula. In hindsight we should have. There is a hidden warning I discovered once it was too late. It said something about not playing the game in longer than three hour increments. The setup struck me as weird having never seen anything like it. The screen loaded asking the question “do you wish to create a character?” Boner jumped right in clicking the yes button. He was instructed to type in his name which he did. The screen flashed with a blue script against a white background it read.
Boner jumped right to it beaming with excitement. I watched as nothing appeared to happen when the screen suddenly changed. It instructed the next player step up to rod. Repeat steps one through five.
Rocky walked to the wall repeating the process. Then it was my turn to join the game. Nothing seemed to happen other than my picture was taken. The game suddenly shifted to a screen saying page two. We waited patiently as we were told character creation working on player one. A few whirls later the screen reported creating character two. Then number three and finally it reported please wait.
Then the game reported player one press enter. Boner hit the enter key to read this message.
Welcome Craig your character is Raul the ranger. Male, height five foot ten inches, one hundred eighty pounds. Health one hundred percent with a rating of hero level one. Craig looked at us with an amazing expression. The game reported Raul is team leader because of his pure heart and bravery. There was a picture of his character. A well built handsome warrior.
“They got the height and weight exactly right, amazing.”
Rocky received similar treatment. Welcome Troy the mage. Male, height five foot ten inches. One hundred seventy five pounds. Health one hundred percent with a rating of hero level one. Your spell casting ability serves Raul well as a valuable team member. Another well built handsome player appeared on the screen.
“Wow I am a hunk. This looks like a great game. Bring on the bad guys.”
Yeah those guys sound wired now it is my turn. I press the button with a sense of dread. I do not know why I felt dread. That is what I felt. Then came the sickening report.
Welcome Jean Marie your character is Saris the healer. Female, height five foot two inches, ninety eighty pounds. Health one hundred percent with a rating of heroine level one. The game reported mine is a pure heart filled with compassion. You are a virgin princess in love with Raul. The total babe staring back scared the hell out of me. I jumped back.
“Fuck this I am so out of here.”
Boner and Rocky pleaded they could not play the game or win the money without me.
“Come on Saris you have played a girl before one more time will not hurt.”
It was a desperate plea from Boner who was joined by Rocky.
“A thousand dollars each man we have to win it.”
They both whined causing me to fold insisting they don’t call me Saris. We forged their way through pillaged villages battling several types of villains. After working our way up to level three, we took a breath satisfied with our progress. Then it happened the game crashed. It did not really crash it fired up a warning.
We played another hour until I felt a bit dizzy. It was five pm and time to call it quits.
When I got home I took a shower and changed into my running shorts. There was more than an hour before dinner so I went outside. It was a warm evening and my tee was sticking to my skin. My chest was itching like hell when Pam showed up.
“Hi Jean Marie how have you been?’
I smiled at the pretty girl marveling at her perfect skin. How her light tan was enhanced by the color of her blouse. Her light makeup was perfect for her. Before I could finish my thoughts, she spoke again.
“What is that expression for you look odd?”
I blinked thinking of nothing I could say. Rather than keeping quiet my mouth spilled out a regrettable series of words.
“It is your blouse it really compliments your complexion.”
I knew at once I should not have said that or my follow up comment.
“Nothing is wrong my chest is itching something crazy.”
Pam smiled again receiving the compliment well but noting it strange a boy would notice such a thing. She flushed not sure if she should tell me what she heard.
“Do you remember Dave from the food court? He was asking about you. I thought you would get a kick out of it. Though, I did save your butt.”
I blinked again. I seem to be doing a lot of blinking lately.
“I remember him. He is the only guy who every flirted with me. How did you save my butt?”
Pam is now giggling having a hard time avoiding a full blown laugh.
“He wanted your phone number. He hinted he was going to ask you to the Spring fling Dance at school. I told him your parents did not allow you getting calls from boys. He looked defeated when I said that.”
Being a wise guy, I quipped something I also regret.
“Too bad he is such a hunk.”
Pam’s eyes flew open with surprise while her voice suggested suspicion.
“Are you Gay?” She softens her voice adding “I am only kidding I know better than that.
You worry me Jean Marie. You notice fashion style such as how my blouse compliments my skin. You tell me that Dave is a hunk and your chest itches. I am beginning to think you might be a girl. If you want to go to the dance, I have a dress that would look smashing on you.”
She pokes me teasingly before returning to her giggle.
I blush telling her in confidence.
“I was only kidding but this itching scares the hell out of me.”
“If it keeps up, you better tell your mom. Traci’s mother is a doctor you know. She could help.”
Mom calls me in for dinner and I say goodnight to Pam.
“Thanks Pam. I will consider what you said. Don’t give that guy my number I don’t need to hear from him.”
On Sunday the three musketeers were back in the world of Symbols of Arcadia. It did not take long to weave our way to level five. Ten levels to go for our thousand dollars. The game was getting weirder by the minute. We directed our players movements and actions. In level four they began to speak exchanging dialogue using our voices. It really freaked me out when Saris said to Raul “I love you.” She used my voice it sounded like me.
“Whoa dude this is bitching.”
I screamed out while Boner and Rocky almost fell over. I could tell they were freaked too. Cautiously Boner insisted we finish this level and shut it down. Rocky agreed and I was not about to argue. Saris and Raul stepped out into a meadow with Troy following. The screen flashed “Bonus opportunity.” We looked at each other puzzled. Boner clicked accept challenge. The screen changed again fading to black then revealing a chamber in what looked like a castle. Saris was lying naked on the bed.
“Whoa dude you are a babe.”
Yelled Rocky as two naked males entered the room. It was there Raul and Troy characters approaching the bed. Troy said you first then it is my turn. Another message appeared, with successful impregnation you advance to level seven skipping over level six. That was enough for me. I leaned over and turned of the breaker on the power strip crashing the computer.
“What did you do that for Jean Marie? It was just getting interesting.”
I looked at my buddies with a look that could kill.
“Guys the lady talks using my voice. If you did not notice we could actually smell the fires and the food in the game. If you think I am going to let you screw me you are nuts.”
They both laughed needling me a bit.
“Jean Marie it is only a game.”
Boner pleaded acting like he was hurt. I was having nothing to do with it. Rocky powered up the computer and punched the game’s icon. The welcome screen appeared followed by the blue screen of death and a warning.
“Whoa look at this you toasted it.”
Three of us stared at the tray to see a melted disc blended into the tray.
“Holy Shit!”
Boner was not happy blaming me for his ruined drive and loss of the game. I had to promise to buy him a new drive. In fact he walked me to the local computer store where I forked over thirty bucks for it. That pissed me off but I know damn well if I did not fry the game I would have ended up pregnant. How was I supposed to explain that to mom?”
Since it was only two in the afternoon and both guys were pissed at me, I wandered over to Traci’s. Mrs. Cox met me at the door.
“Hi Jean Marie, Traci is upstairs with Pam and Becky go on up.”
The girls appeared surprised to see me. Traci blurted out in a low voice.
“You look like you got run over by a truck.”
Still shaken from my experience in that game. I told them what happened. Like a shot all three girls tackled me.
“Group hug,” they yelled as I fell on my back. Each one kissed my cheek. I could not believe three gorgeous girls just kissed me.
“What is that all about?”
I asked from the bottom of the pile. As they climbed off Becky spoke.
“You proved to be a stand up guy by protecting that girl.”
The others joined in with “yes you did.”
I blushed enjoying the attention.
“I know you think I am nuts but if I did not stop them I would have gotten pregnant for real.”
Pam took my hand gently trying not to laugh.
“Silly it was only a game, you could not get pregnant.”
We talked for awhile and I confessed my fear had been real. I understood the worry girls have when they are pressured by boys. Again each one hugged me but none were convinced my fear was grounded in reality. Pam again offered to loan me clothes if I wanted to go to the dance. Again I refused.
The itching continued but I said nothing to mom or dad. My downward spiral continued Monday after school. It was the final track meet of the year. I did win one race and for the finale all single race winners were lined up for a final one hundred yard dash. This was a mixed male female race. I did not do too bad coming in second. As I bent over catching my breath I glanced up to see Dave McCauley approaching.
“Hey Jean Marie you ran a great race.”
I blushed not knowing quite what to say. Coming from the other direction was my mother. ‘What the hell is she doing here?’
“Hi Dave how have you been? I did not win so what the heck.”
He smiled warmly and without a condescending note he said.
“Jean Marie you beat the best runners in the district and they were all guys. That is impressive for a,” before he finished mom spoke.
“Great race honey I took some time off work to watch. Who is your friend?”
Before I could speak, Dave jumped in holding his hand out to greet mom.
“Dave McCauley Mrs. Lafleur. I tried to call Jean Marie but could not find your number.”
I jumped in quickly noting it was unlisted while I continued holding my breath. I prayed no one mentioned gender. I expected that bomb at any minute. Mom to the rescue one more time.
“Dave here is the number I will write it down.”
I offered more useless information to change the subject.
“Dave goes to Exeter Academy with Pam, Traci and Becky.”
“You do Dave? I hear great things about that school and those three girls are really nice. I am so glad they are friends of Jean Marie’s. How did you meet?”
“I met Jean Marie at the food court with the girls last weekend.”
My breathing is getting heavier as panic increases. ‘Just go please go’ my thoughts begged.
Mom broke the silence when she turned to me.
“Honey I have to go back to work. I am proud of your running. I am afraid I won’t be home until seven. I have an important case and there is much to do.”
That is when Dave came to the rescue.
“Mrs. Lafleur, I could take Jean Marie to dinner we could be back by seven.”
“How nice of you, do you mind honey?”
I nod sheepishly saying “I am all sweaty and my clothes stink.”
Fishing for any excuse waiting for Traci to come by offering me something to wear. Thank god, she did not. Dave zooming in on his opportunity like a hungry trapper said.
“I can run you home to change or we could do Burger King.”
“Burger King will be fine.”
I offer as mom smiles tossing out another great idea.
“You know honey we were thinking about sending you to Exeter. You are an honor student and we approve of your girlfriends. What do you think Dave?”
Oh yes Dave jumped on that as his smile grew. I did not know there were that many white teeth in a single mouth. I am thinking ‘mom leave just leave.’ Then my chest started itching.
It was the longest meal of my life. I ate a salad what is with that? I do not like grazing. I never did. Dave ate two Whoppers and a large order of fries. I bet he thought he was being cute when he suddenly reached forward feeding me one of his fries. Real cute, I looked around hoping nobody I knew was anywhere near. Before I forget to mention it, he asked me to the dance. I declined with the most gentle let down In my vocabulary.
“I am only fourteen and my parents do not allow me to date.”
He did not say much on the drive home. We arrived before my parents did, thank God. Dave opened the door for me and as I stepped out he looked like he was going to kiss me. Before he made a fool of himself, and me too I dropped the bomb on him.
“Dave, I think you have mistakenly assumed I am a girl. I am a guy.”
There I said it. I came out with the truth. There is no other way out. As I waited for his reaction it struck me. No way can I go to Exeter now the little fag story would be all over the school. My life there will become a living hell. I did not give another possibility a thought. The idea Dave would be so embarrassed he could not mention this at all. ‘How do I convince mom public high school is better?’
He stared at me for the longest time. I closed my eyes bracing for a punch. When suddenly his arms wrapped around me and his lips pressed against mine. It was the most amazing kiss I ever experienced. Considering it was my first kiss it would have to have been the best ever.
“That was the most creative turn down from a girl I ever heard.’
Dave said as his eyes flashed prior to his laugh.
“Jean Marie you are a very pretty girl and I love your sense of humor.”
He kissed me again and again I melted. When I caught my breath I muttered, “call me.” Then ran inside throwing myself on the bed crying my eyes out. What kind of an idiot says call me? My chest is pounding which is a good thing because it masks the constant itching.
I was in the shower when mom and dad came home a few minutes after seven. I heard dad call out.
“Jean Marie please come downstairs.”
That is when I got the news. They agreed Exeter will be an excellent choice providing a doorway to the best colleges. I am mixed about this. Sure it is a great school but what happens when Dave sees me in my guy uniform? I shrugged thinking, ‘what the heck that is five months off. Anything can happen in five months.’ Then I began to worry.
Rights retained by author ©by Essarr Permission granted to Big Closet Exclusively
Chapter Three Kick Start
My room has changed from what it looked like in the summer. I made some subtle changes as fall progressed into October. The Dallas Cowboy team banner is gone. I don’t care about football anymore. Not that I was a big fan in the first place. It has been replaced with a poster of a girl running. She is wearing a Syracuse University track team outfit. When I stare at it, I shudder. I look terrible in orange. That school is crossed off my list. I can still hear mom and dad freaking out downstairs as I stare at my Exeter pennant above the vanity. I still consider the creativity it took to convince mom I had a use for a vanity.
I, digress again having wandered from my tale of woe and how I sunk to this level. I suppose the longer I take telling you what happened the safer I am hiding in my room. As if I have any power to determine when a pair of freaked out voices will command my appearance.
Anyway it was the day after the magical kiss on another hot May day. The Tuesday before Memorial Day weekend when we are sprung from the Willie.
I am feeling pretty good after the successful track meet. I wore my running shorts to school. I did say it was bloody hot eh? The stares coming from the kids was unsettling. As I opened my locker I saw Craig approach. Now that he is crowding six foot tall and looking ripped, he has decided Boner is no longer an appropriate nickname. It had become clear over the last week if you called him that his reaction would be painful for you.
Craig is now dating. He is going with a pretty girl named Debbie Clayton. It bothers me to think my best friend has gone from constant companion to somebody I know. Craig is convinced his sudden development into a hunk has something to do with that stupid game.
“Hey Craig got a minute?”
He turned his expression signaled his answer was no but I went ahead anyway.
“Yeah, I wanted to tell you, I got a new game. Do you want to have at it this weekend?”
I could see the no in his face while I asked the question.
His voice broke my concentration.
“Jean, I do not have the time. I am going to the dance with Debbie Friday night. Saturday, we are double dating with Rocky and Joyce.”
The disappointment must have been evident in my face. Craig smiled adding a bit of advice.
“Bro you should lose the shorts. Your legs look too girly and the guys are noticing.”
I flushed as he walked away. Then looking down I suddenly could see what he was talking about. Sarah Collins walked by wearing a navy linen mini flashing her legs. She gazed at mine offering a wry smile but kept walking. I had this strange feeling something was wrong. Mark Taylor an eighth grade student almost walked into an open locker door while staring at my legs.
Was it that stupid game? All these changes to the three of us occurred after I blew it up. I could suddenly see in my head the message displayed as the game crashed. ‘Attributes saved.’ This is freaking me out. The class bell rang while I stood day dreaming against my locker door. I ran like hell to my next class.
As the teacher droned on and on I caught two guys, I hardly know staring at my legs. Worse I noticed I was sitting like a girl the way my legs were crossed. ‘This is going to be a hellish last week of school.’ I do notice with satisfaction how nice my tan looks. Even worse I spot Claire sitting in front of me. Her color combination is all wrong. Once again I shudder finally able to escape this place.
I almost reach my house when my personal torture is interrupted.
“I hear you are transferring to Exeter in the fall.”
A sweet voice is heard from behind. I turn to see Traci and smile at her.
“Yes, it appears so. I guess it is ok though my friends are all going to Clayton.”
She pokes me with a long finger.
“All your friends, what about Becky, Pam and I not to mention Dave? I heard about you going to dinner with him.”
Trapped, I blush defending myself lamely.
“He came to watch my track meet and we went to Burger King afterward. That hardly qualifies as dinner. It is cool I can hang out with you guys.”
I could see the deviltry in her gorgeous eyes. It must have been the Jean side of Marie that led me into the next trap.
“If you are not doing anything, come on over to the house. I have something for you.”
I agreed as it is hours before anyone gets home and my buds ditched me for the day. In Traci’s room she sits at her vanity as I dangle my legs from the edge of her bed. I watch her staring into the mirror as she fiddles with her hair. Her eyes keep glancing down at my legs. I could tell she was dreaming up yet another scheme.
“Jean Marie sit at the vanity I want to see something.”
I do as my curiosity is in control. I look into the mirror and see my familiar face. Not that I am bad looking but I am a long way from hunk material.
“Your hair is nice Jean. I love the silky feel and how it frames your face.”
A compliment is this girl hitting on me? I smile softly replying my thank you.
“Do you mind if I clear up some of these split ends?”
She asked innocently enough though I should of worried. Stupid me answered in the affirmative. When she finished my hair screamed girl. I looked at her accusingly.
“Look what you did. I look like a girl.”
Traci steps back taking my measure. After a thoughtful survey, she makes a weird comment.
“John Marie, it is not just the hair. You legs and there is something else. Remember when you helped me with my skirt project?
She did not wait for me to answer. Instead she pressed on with the most irrational suggestion.
“How brave are you?”
Even the most dense guy, I know would understand this is a loaded question. Especially when it is a pretty girl asking. Fully aware, I cautiously answer as noncommittally as I can.
“Brave, not vary I am rather timid in that regard.”
I thought ‘safe you wiggled off the hook Jean old boy.’ So I thought disregarding the determination of a pretty girl. She opened her closet door retrieving her Exeter uniform. Then executing the most perfect innocent pout I’d ever seen I melted.
“I will wait in the hall while you change.”
Dumbfounded I examined the hanger that laid on the bed. With great fear I raised it up to find a blue blazer which I removed. Under it I saw the white Oxford with buttons on the wrong side. Accompanying that is the wool pleated gray skirt. The forbidden garment that no true blooded male would touch. The exception being to raise it exposing more of the girl’s legs.
Several minutes later a tap on the door breaks my trance. I had been in shock from staring at a pretty girl in the mirror.
“Wow you are pretty Jean Marie.”
Traci said as she stepped closer.
“You should wear that to Exeter. It looks great on you.”
“Are you serious? They would kill me.”
That was all I could think of as a comeback. Traci raised a brow still gazing at me like she was trying to figure out what I am.
“Dave would like it. I can assure you of that. The boy talked about you all day. Did you know you have great legs, blinding speed, a great personality and a face to die for?”
I went into full panic mode hearing that.
“Is that what Dave said?”
Traci nodded simply bubbling with excitement.
“He is definitely gone gaga over you.”
In full panic mode I absently remove the blazer laying it on the bed. As I started unbuttoning the oxford. When the shirt fully opened and I am about to remove it there was a tap on the door. It opened to reveal Doctor Cox standing there. Traci had moved as I began to undress. Curiosity, surprise I do not know which but the girl just watched. Traci’s mom displayed a gaze of concern.
“Jean Marie your breast appear inflamed. Is that a rash I see?”
Trapped, my panic widened as I blurted incoherently.
“Yes Dr. Cox, they have been itching something awful.”
I noted Traci’s giggle as her mother stepped closer to me. The woman’s touch though gentle produced a strange feeling of stimulation.
“Many girls experience that as they develop. You have been scratching them and you should not. I have some salve made just for this purpose. I will be right back.”
Traci hugs me careful not to touch my chest.
“You should have said something. I could have helped.”
My face reddens forming a greater hue as I, fluster.
“What I simply say Traci my tits itch what can I do about it? No guy is going to admit that to a girl.”
She answers beginning with my name stressing the Marie half.
“I do not see a guy here. I see a pretty girl and you cannot deny that. Why do you pretend to be a guy?”
Mrs. Cox returned dabbing a bit of salve on my chest. She then hands me the tube and instructs Traci to leave the room.
“Jean Marie have you started your period?”
I blink mouthing the words started and period displaying horror in my eyes.
“No Dr. Cox.”
That is all that could come out. I should have said I have not because I am a boy to this kind doctor. If I did, she would have figured out something is wrong. Most likely I would not be in the mess I am in. No not I, I say no Doctor Cox without saying why.
“Honey it is not unusual for girls to develop late. Use the salve to calm the itch and have your mother get you a training bra. It will help by keeping your breast from rubbing against your blouses. I sent Traci out to avoid embarrassing you in front of your friend. I suggest you have your mother make an appointment with your doctor.”
I could only thank her and as she started to leave a sudden thought caused Doctor Cox to turn.
“Traci go into my room and bring back one of the garment bags off my bed.”
The girl was in and out like a flash returning with a plastic bag.
Traci opened it to find a new school uniform.
“Mom I did not need a new uniform it is the same as the one we are using. I have four of them.”
“I know dear. I picked this up on my way home. It was then I discovered they were the same. Give it to Jean Marie it will save her mother some time and money.”
“I, can’t accept that.”
I interjected realizing I am getting in too deep. Traci’s giggles are less than helpful.
“Jean my uniform looks darling on you. You have to take it.”
I grumble under my breath nodding a resistant thank you while lying the bag on the bed. Dr. Cox made her exit and I sat on the edge of Traci’s bed. By now I had forgotten Traci’s question asking why I pretended to be a guy. ‘Does she really think I am a girl? Her mother does.’
“You think that is funny don’t you?”
“Not as funny as mom giving you the skirt I made for my school project.”
I blink, panic growing as my face is beet red. Traci is still talking rapid fire.
“Look on the hanger the skirt is there. I do not know why you are complaining it looked good on you. Marie, that name fits you better. Those legs of yours are killer. Take the stuff home and hide them in your closet. I will call you tonight.”
Like an idiot I picked them up slung the bag over my shoulder and slithered home defeated. Once in my room, I folded the skirt neatly as I could. For some strange reason I know the material will not wrinkle easily. ‘Wrinkle why should I care?’ I hid it in my bottom drawer under several pairs of jeans. ‘What about the uniform bag? That will not be easy to hide.’ I do have a large closet so I hung it in a dark corner hoping no one would notice. You know how it is when you have a lot of clothes hanging on a rod. The thing crammed on the end is never seen. It is not like mom pokes around. She neatly folds the laundry placing things in a basket at the bottom of the stairs. She came up with the idea that she does the washing. It is not a big deal for me to carry my stuff up the stairs and put it away. It is hard to argue against her logic when the woman is so insistent. At least one rule works in my favor.
I looked in the mirror and saw those legs. ‘Shit they do look like girl legs.’ It is a problem but no worse than a few others I noticed this week. They did not look like that last week. My jeans do not fit right. I can barely get them over my hips while they are too loose in the waist. I cinch the belt as tight as I can creating a swell blousy effect. I reach for a rayon yellow top. ‘Did I say top? What the hell is wrong with me?’ Yes, it is a synthetic material not cotton. We are at a point where the fashion police whine cotton kills. So I end up wearing quick drying materials. The whole idea of being told cotton tee shirts are taboo and big Macs will kill me is pissing me off. What next will Homeland Security bust in the door confiscating my jeans?
Mom steps in the front door as my cell is ringing it is Traci.
“Can you come to the mall with us Saturday?”
I answer questioning who us is. Traci answers in her sweet voice. God, I love her voice.
“Pam and Becky will be with me of course. We are on a mission to shop and your fashion sense is awesome.”
“I do not know I will ask. Mom can I go with Traci, Pam and Becky to the mall Saturday?”
Mom stops in her tracks placing her bags on the table. She shook her head no. “We have to talk.”
I told Traci. I have to call her back but it does not look good. Then went into the kitchen behind mom. My whine must have torqued her off.
“Mom I want to go.”
With little sympathy mother sat down with a cup of coffee. She wanted to talk about her conversation with dad last night.
“Your friend David seems like a nice boy. Did you have fun?”
I nodded carefully telling her it was all right but no big deal. A burger is a burger. Mom pressed on informing of the decision she and dad made.
“We decided since you know three girls in the neighborhood and David seems like a nice boy you should attend Exeter. It will do you good. Speaking of the girls are you interested in one of them?”
“Mom, I like all three they are my friends.”
Mom did not press the issue but she dropped another bomb.
“Exeter has accepted you. I thought we could go over there on Saturday and purchase your uniforms. I know you wanted to go with your friends but this is important.”
I was not going to tell her, I already have a uniform, duh. That would not be cool. So I did the next best thing, I lied.
“Traci told me they are changing the uniforms and the new ones won’t be in until just before school starts. There is no point in buying the old style when I could not use them.”
Mom looked at me suspiciously accepting what I said. I doubt she bought it but I escaped for the moment.
“So can I go with the girls?”
Mom agreed and I called Traci to tell her. I also let her know about my lie just in case uniforms came up in front of mom. Traci agreed to provide cover for me and teasingly hit me with her joke.
“You already have a uniform. It looks good on you and we expect to see you in it.”
“Yeah right,” I answered.
I am beginning to worry about Traci’s attitude thinking she wants me to be a girl. I am going to have to be careful around her. I turn to mom with a question. I know it was a stupid question but I needed to create a distraction from my troubled thoughts.
“What are you doing?”
Mom’s expression transmitted to me her thoughts. ‘What do you think I am doing? Peeling potatoes stupid’ instead she answered sweetly.
“I am getting dinner ready.”
I shrugged walking over to the laundry basket and began sorting through it.
“Now it is my turn what are you doing?’
“I am sorting the whites from the colors. You wash them separately so I thought I would help. You do laundry on Saturday why are you doing this now?”
Mom raises a brow questioningly.
“There are some things I need in there before the weekend that is all.”
I continued sorting until I had two independent loads and began to fill the washer. Mom stared at me watching closely but not speaking. I loaded the white things mostly socks and under ware. I put in a cap full of liquid detergent. Mom was about to say something then stopped. She saw me pour in baking soda and close the lid.
“I know mom. Bleach bothers you and baking soda works as well without chemicals.”
She walked over feeling my forehead pronouncing me fever free.
“Are you all right?”
“I am fine mom I just want to help. Would it be ok for me to do the wash each week when I get home on Fridays? It will free up your Saturdays. You work hard enough.”
Her expression was like one of those credit card commercials, priceless. The dinner conversation centered on my attending Exeter. Dad thought it was a grand idea especially because he was not fond of Craig and Rocky. Mom told him about the uniforms which was ok with him. Dad is never in a rush to spend money. The buzzer went off and I removed the whites from the dryer. Then placed the colors in the dryer. Pushing the basket forward I left it close to the table. Dad stared while mom smiled. I cleared the table and began folding the clothes.
When I finished I noticed two speechless parents I dropped two baskets at the foot of the stairs. While holding my own, I reminded mom of the rule.
“You take care of your own.” I ran upstairs with my clothes before hearing any comeback. My clothes were quickly put away then I removed my shirt. Yes, I said shirt not top. While sitting on my bed, I applied the salve to my chest. I suddenly felt stimulated and grabbed my one inch monster which refused to grow. Try as I might the flaccid organ failed to respond. It is just as well it did not as suddenly mom tapped on the door.
“May I come in?”
Before I could cover my chest, she was staring at it.
“My God, Jean Marie what is wrong with your chest. It is puffy and is that a rash?”
I whimpered explaining how Dr. Cox saw it yesterday.
“She gave me some salve which really helps. She told me tell you to have a doctor look at it.”
Mom gave me the answer I expected.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I am embarrassed mom.”
“I will call Emily to make an appointment.”
Fear struck then Traci’s mom thinks I am a girl. I don’t want her to find out I lied to her. Not this way, I know I have to tell her face to face. I cannot let her find out this way.
“Not Traci’s mom it is too embarrassing.”
My mother smiles understanding and agrees to call Doctor Lewis. She then makes another strange comment.
“Jean Marie your hair looks nice. What did you do to it?”
I blushed wanting to avoid answering but knew this conversation is out of control.
“Traci trimmed my split ends as she called them. She showed me how to do it but you can’t see too well in the bathroom mirror. If I had a vanity like hers, it would be easy to keep my hair neat.”
From mother’s expression I could tell I should not have uttered the word vanity. I have no idea where it came from. Mom’s surprise morphed into a smile as she stroked my hair.
“What am I going to do with you? You are full of surprises boys do not care about split ends. They don’t volunteer to do laundry either. But I will get you the vanity. Do you really want the laundry detail on Fridays after school?”
“Yes mom I want to help.”
Mother stared again. Perhaps this is the beginning of that twitch she developed.
“You did a great job with the wash tonight. Really you did. I am surprised. What is this going to cost me?”
I smiled telling her nothing and felt good doing it. I have no idea why but I was happy about it.
When I got up in the morning it was just in time to hear mom and dad leaving for work. I brushed my hair feathering it forward. I really liked how the bangs highlighted my eyes. I tightened my belt and threw on a sloppy tea to hide the blousing. Downstairs I found a note from mom. She made an appointment for right after school with Dr. Lewis. She is going to pick me up at three. I took a deep breath resigning myself to a poke and prod session.
I had not seen Doctor Lewis since a school physical in seventh grade. I know they keep records so the doctor must know I am a boy. We wait almost an hour before we are ushered into the exam room. Marilyn Colby steps in telling us she is Dr. Lewis’ PA. The doctor is out on an emergency. Mom agrees for the PA to conduct the exam. She examines my chest telling mom the puffiness is normal at the beginning of puberty. She asked mom if I had started puberty yet. Mom confirmed she thought not. The Pa took a quick look at my private area and raised an odd expression. I thought she was going to comment on my monster. Embarrassed enough I did not want two women talking about my miniature organ.
She said she was concerned about something else startling mom. The PA asked if she noted any spotting. Mom shrugged appearing a bit miffed until the PA expanded.
“Jean Marie is a bit puffy around the opening. You say there is no spotting or trouble urinating.”
Mom narrows her brows turning to me. She uttered only one word sounding like “well.” I said sounding like well because I was having an internal freak out. I thought they were about to say my balls were starting to drop. No fourteen year old wants to talk about his balls to a woman and his mother. Relieved it is only puffiness they were worried about I answered.
“I have no problem peeing what do you mean by spotting?’
The PA said, “you know drops of blood.”
Wait one minute! I was a fourteen year old clueless boy. Well, I thought I was a boy. Clueless I was for certain. That was almost a year ago. If I live through this, it means someone is actually reading my tale of woe. I bet you readers picked up on three important code words. You know what they are, spotting, opening, drops of blood. As I think about this mom was not listening. Back to my jeremiad.
I shook my head in response to blood while mom appeared relieved. The PA asked mom if she wanted to prescribe something to kick start puberty. Mom looked at me. What do I know? Puberty meant I will likely have a growth spurt. Especially where my monster is concerned it will impress girls. Of course, I said yes.
The PA told mom the swelling should go down as it is normal at the onset of puberty. Mine is late starting but with medication I should expect to see changes in a few weeks. You see what I did not know is the swelling caused a crease under my monster. That slot looked like something you would expect to see in someone with the middle name of Marie. Had I known that I could have said something. Another telling comment I did not pick up on was when the PA said “Jean Marie you have pretty eyes.”
Friends, Enemies and Adjustments
Rights retained by author ©by Essarr Permission granted to Big Closet Exclusively
“Simone what is the idea of buying Jean-Marie a vanity? You do not buy vanities for boys.”
Mom showed her irritation with an equally edgy voice.
“Claude Jean-Marie has been more than helpful around here. He has been helping in the kitchen and is doing the laundry for me. If he wants a vanity because it helps him maintain his hair, you should applaud that. It did not bother you to insist on sticking him with a name like Marie. Don’t go all macho on me just because you live in Texas.”
Wow mom really gave it to him. He just backed off knowing better than arguing with a French woman named Simone. Not only is she, French, when you add very pretty and a lawyer you know you are going to lose.
There is less than a week remaining in school and I have completed my finals. After tomorrow, we have a three day week-end. Then another day of school on Tuesday and I never have to go back to the Willie again. Finally, free of the place for good. I am looking forward to Exeter but dreading the uniform. My uniform remains hidden in the closet and I get the strangest urge to wear it. Like I ever will wear Traci’s uniform. Speaking of Traci, she wants all of us to meet at her house Saturday. Her mother will give us a ride to the mall. Then pick us up so we do not have to walk back. Getting pampered is nice and I do need to buy some new jeans. My hips are still too wide and my waist too narrow.
When I hit the bottom of the stairs I see dad hang up the phone.
“That was nice of Emily honey. She said Jean-Marie can ride to school with Traci. It will save us having to stretch our schedules. I will give her gas money to help out.”
Mom answered her agreement saying something about how nice that was finishing up with another troubling comment.
“We should have them over for a cookout.”
Dad of course agreed. They set the date for Monday. In addition to the Cox family they included Pam and Becky’s families as well. Three pretty girls and their parents. How do I keep one parent or another from blowing my cover? It seems this will be the topic of our shopping trip Saturday. I have confidence those scheming friends of mine will have creative answers.
When mom got home at five Friday afternoon the laundry was finished. I went so far as bringing the baskets upstairs. Score some brownie points for me. Mom checked everything and was pleased with the result. I did not tell her the puffiness in my chest began to subside. I did mention the itching is down. I do not want her fussing over me. Not because I am some tough guy, it is not like that. I enjoy being fussed over sometime. The truth is the puffiness is down but they are no smaller. I think firm is the correct word. The attribute firm when describing breasts is not the ideal for a guy.
Mom looked at me rather odd as I presented in the kitchen wearing a baggy tee shirt.
“You used to hang around the house shirtless on hot days. For some reason you are wearing a bulky shirt. Do you care to share?”
I simply answered with my usual “mom.” But did not get away with it. I had to expand admitting embarrassment about my puffy chest. According to mom the doctor said the puffiness would decline in a week or so. I agreed getting away with saying it has been only two days.
“No mom my puberty has not shown any sign of appearance. I have only taken two pills.”
She smiled and let me off the hook. Then I opened my big mouth.
“What are you doing mom?”
“Fixing dinner we are having chops and scalloped potatoes.”
I smiled because I liked that meal. It is real food instead of grazing.
“Can I help?”
Mom felt my forehead asking if I was running a fever. I was not so she handed me the peeler and a bowl of potatoes. It is interesting to watch how she is able to turn raw materials into a tasty meal. I helped mix the cream sauce asking a series of stupid questions and came away learning how to make scalloped potatoes. Mom spent the meal staring at me with the most curious gaze.
When I sat at my vanity I received a shock. The humidity of the kitchen caused my tee shirt to absorb moisture. It collected around my breasts enhancing them. Ok I get it cotton kills at least it almost killed me. All cotton tees will be banished. One more note for my journal to help avoid detection. I am sure mom noticed but she did not say anything yet.
Traci told me we will be trying on a lot of clothes saying you wear appropriate briefs. Being a little brazen I slipped on a pair of white panties I found in the bag Traci included with that skirt. No I did not wear the skirt. I am not completely nuts. No one will see the panties or so I thought.
We arrived at a mall fifty miles out of our small town. Mrs. Cox said she had a surprise for us girls. She cleared it with my mother as well as Becky’s and Pam’s. Where are we going I have no idea. We entered a moderately priced store where I made a bee line for the boys jeans department. As I fished through various styles Doctor Cox giggled. She took my hand saying the obvious.
“Jean Marie those pants will never fit you. Either the waist will be too big or the hips too tight.”
She dragged me of to the dreaded misses department. She took a pair of size three skinny jeans off the shelf.
“Try these you will like them.”
I looked at her sheepishly with a doubtful expression when Pam grabbed my arm.
“Come on we have to try these things on.”
She had a pile of skirts and jeans so did the other two. Before I knew what hit me, I am inside the changing room with three pretty teens. I struggled with the jeans trying to avoid flashing my panties. I stepped out side just as Becky whispered, “nice briefs.” The jeans fit perfectly so I bought four pair. The girls were in shopping heaven while Dr. Cox seemed to be having more fun than them.
I was more than ready to leave not understanding where they get their stamina. During an idle spaced moment I heard that devil Becky.
“Dr. Cox what do you think?”
“Perfect,” she answered before turning to me. “Becky wants you to try it.”
I shook my head protesting but the doctor would have none of it. There is no easy out when a beautiful woman and three lovely teens gain up on you. Again I find myself in the changing room. Becky hands me a lavender sun dress that landed just at the knee. I protested again with Pam closing the argument.
“No one is going to see you. Take a chance and be daring. That will look great on you. I bet you did not know all three of us are jealous of your legs.”
I resisted but curiosity won out. I stepped outside for Dr. Cox to see. It was exhilarating to feel the fabric against my skin and the breeze flowing on my legs. My reflection in a mirror stunned me. I saw a pretty teen heart breaker looking back while my male self demanded I run.
“It looks nice but it is not me. I am a jeans and tee shirt gal. Besides this is for Becky.”
Becky smiled trying to add to the pressure. She upped the anti.
“Tell you what I will buy it for myself only if you wear it until we get home.”
“Are you nuts!” I almost shouted in protest. Doctor Cox thought it hilarious. They all gained up on me and I caved to my eternal shame.
It is a good thing I watched enough girls to know how to enter a car. I was riding in the front seat with the three rascals in the back. They almost lost it watching me sit then swing my legs into the car. I even smoothed my skirt as I sat. Traci tapped me on the shoulder as she whispered.
“You are a natural.”
I tried to poke her but she was too quick leaning back in her seat. I nearly freaked out the rest of the day afraid someone would see me and blow my cover. The girls were loving it and I expected a lifetime of teasing. The other problem is I loved it. I loved the feel. I loved the look and the girls knew. Soon we pulled into the arena to learn our surprise. Yesterday the Olympic ice skating trials ended and the city opened the building for the general public. Doctor Cox turned to me.
“Can you ice skate?”
I gave her the most amazed look I could muster as if to say are you serious.
“Dr. Cox, I am from Canada. I was wearing skates on the delivery table.”
That generated quite a reaction from everyone. I rented a pair of figure skates, ladies size four of course. When I hit the ice I felt free really free for the first time in a long time. I was like a dervish doing double axels and other figure skating twists and turns. I did not notice but people were standing around watching me. As I finally did an ending twist spraying ice coming to a stop I heard applause. Embarrassed I hurried off the ice blushing. Doctor Cox hugged me while the girls simply stared.
“Jeanette Marie you were amazing.”
I starred at Doctor Cox with my mouth wide open. Jeanette, I processed that for a moment then blushed again able only to mouth a half whisper.
“Thank you Mrs. Cox. I do not know what came over me. I must have missed skating more than I realized.”
Everyone was quiet on the ride home. Traci had to remind her mother to bring us all to her house so I could change to give Becky her dress. Not that it is a big deal after all since they live at thirty Maple Street and I live at twenty-eight it is not like it is a long walk. The good news is our driveways are each on the left side of our houses. I could get inside without mom and dad seeing me.
The girls busted my chain as they ogled at my look. I do not think I will ever live this down. They all agreed I will most definitely be wearing the girl uniform to school. My task is how do I manage to avoid it.
“Jean you must keep dressing like a girl for school.”
Traci almost demanded with her stern insistent tone.
“Yes, you must” echoed the other two.
“Guys, I cannot do that. Yes, I like your clothes I admit it. I like how they look and feel. But I am a guy. I cannot do that. We all know I will get caught and the shit will hit the fan.”
Then Pam hit me with the worst of it.
“You are dying to go out with Dave. Admit it you dream about that luscious boy kissing you.”
I blushed again and all said.
“I knew it!”
When I got home I had to report everything about our day. Of course mom had to see my jeans and tees. She stared at the jeans for a long time.
“Jean Marie is there something you want to tell me?”
It was with that tone every kid learns to hate. The one where the very sound of your mother’s voice drips with, “gotcha.”
“Mom these were the only ones that fit. Who cares jeans are jeans.”
She did not say anything for the longest time. Mom’s eyes simply scanned me until she spoke in an unsettled voice.
“Your jeans came from the misses department. The label clearly says petit three. Would you like to explain this?”
I staggered back until the back of my legs struck the edge of my bed. I sat abruptly gazing back at her. After a minute, another eternal moment struck, before I crafted an answer.
“Mom you wear men’s fleece because women’s do not have pockets. What is the big deal if I buy Lady Wranglers?”
‘Got her there I thought.’
“It is no big deal, however, I never heard of a boy wanting Lady Wranglers.”
“Mom it is necessary because of my shape. If I buy my usual size, they are too tight in the hips. If I buy them large enough for the hips, the waist is too baggy. These fit so what can I say? Like you tell me, I will grow out of it.”
Mother paused thinking about what I said. She smiled you know the doubtful smile parents get when you suddenly cause doubt.
I dodged a bullet but I had the sinking feeling it is only temporary. The only thing I will tell you about the big cookout is I somehow managed to dodge another bullet. No one mentioned to my parents what a lovely daughter they had. My parents did not absently call me their son. For some reason no one mentioned my skating prowess I stupidly demonstrated two days before. I am skating on thin ice as I get ready for bed on Monday night before my last day at the Willie.
Our town is one big square, well not so big. I mean square in the geographic sense but the term could be applied to many other aspects. The Willie or Willis Eliot Middle School is dead center. They did that for a reason because it means no one in the city is more than a mile from the school. They avoid busses and the expense making everybody walk. That is why I find myself walking with Boner and Rocky. Excuse me, now they are adults I must refer to them as Craig and Evan. I know I told you that but as they remind me all the time it does not hurt to mention it again.
Craig started again now that he is dating Monica after breaking up with the last girl. I have been losing track of his progress toward his goal of dating every girl before the end of the school year.
“Hey Jean Marie now that you are so thick with the three princesses do you think you can hook me up with one of them?”
I blinked, “thick you think I am thick with Pam, Becky and Traci?”
Evan bumps my shoulder almost knocking me over. Did I tell you, they have grown six inches and fifty pounds heavier?
“Yeah dude you even are beginning to look like them. I mean look how you are walking. What is with the hips and those bumps?”
He gently poked my chest and the pain almost sent me screaming. I held it together even hiding my grimace.
“What are you talking about these are pecs I have been working out.”
They both laughed at that saying in unison, “sure.”
“Guys did you line up any new games worth playing?’
Evan give me an odd look then glanced toward Craig. Craig had a panicked expression. Neither said a word for a minute. Then Evan answered in what I thought was a shaken voice.
“Look dude that game scared the shit of us. I only admit that because you are part of it. I will not bring this up to anyone else. Say anything and I will deny it.”
I blinked glancing to Craig who wore the same expression.
“What are you talking about? It was freaky but we ditched it.”
“Did we,” Craig offered and shut up quickly.
I was getting worried, ‘are my friends setting me up for a joke?’ Before I could say anything, Evan offered another comment.
“Look at us we are both bigger and stronger. Ripped you might say. We were the strong guys, Raul and Troy remember? My parents ran me from one doctor to another trying to explain the growth spurt. Craig’s parents did the same thing, didn’t they, Craig?”
Now I am getting nervous as both of these guys seem serious, no joke. Craig then lowers the boom.
“You played the beautiful Saris remember? I, Don’t know how to break it to you but you look an awful lot like Saris. Even Ray noticed which means you need to be careful.”
I blinked again this time my face was beet red.
“You guys are nuts.”
We reached the school at this point and stepped inside.
“Are we,” Craig asked. “Read the wiki information on that game. I know wiki may be unreliable but this one hits home. Stay away from Ray.”
That proved to be good advice. It was too bad Ray did not take it. Again opening my locker I felt the arm go by my face as his hand flattened against the door frame. Ray’s other hand rested on my hip. In shock I turned almost hitting his face with mine. He raised his hand from my hips. Without saying a word his fingers caressed my breast. I slapped his face causing him to pull back.
“Marie those hooters are quite nice. How about meeting me after school we can massage each other?”
He leaned closer kissing me on the lips.
“I got suspended because you said I kissed you. You owed me that kiss. Girl I take back everything I ever said about you.”
He turned and walked down the hall while a tear formed in my eye. Kari a girl I hardly knew grabbed my hand dragging me into the ladies room.
“I saw and heard what the bastard did are you ok honey?”
I blinked at the word honey and blushed again.
Her smile is infectious as she gazed at me.
“Jean Marie you are a very pretty girl. You never fooled me with your pretending to be a guy act. Do you want me to go with you to the principal? I will tell him what I saw. Jean Marie you may not like it. What he just did was wrong. Pretty girls must get use to it as you are finding out”
“No don’t bother school ends at noon there is not much he can do at this point.”
“Did you hear Jean Marie, Ray flunked. Since he turns sixteen this summer, he will not be back. He is quitting to work in his father’s body shop.”
The bell rings and I thank Kari as I walk toward class. She yells down the hall, “call me.”
I managed to graduate the Willie with honors while Craig and Evan had b and b+ grades.
Not bad for a group of losers who turned into hunks. Well two-thirds of us anyway qualify as hunks. I do not know what I am. Did I just call my two buds hunks?
That afternoon I found myself at the mercy of Traci. About one in the afternoon she called. I had no sooner dressed in my running short and micro fiber tee with the intent of house cleaning. I had no idea where the cleaning idea came from but mom will like it.
The micro fiber is employed to allow quick drying. I rid myself of water retaining cotton that enhances my problem. It is a problem as they are not bigger but firm to use a non threatening term. My nipples are spreading as well. So far so good nobody has seen them.
As I have been running a lot lately my legs are tanned and toned. I will tell you about what I found on the net about Symbols of Arcadia. It was not the same Arcadia visited by my crush, April Ryan. That is another story this Arcadia is evil. I have to run to Traci’s so the evil game will have to wait.
Traci and I are sitting in her room waiting for the other two girlfriends to show. Traci is staring at me with her patented evil grin.
“Girlfriend those legs of yours are dangerous. You do not even have to shave them do you?”
I present a shocked look knowing full well the trouble I am in. I do not think I can grow hair. The other guys are shaving once a week but it is something. Me not a single chest, chin or leg hair.
“You may as well get used to it if you are going to Exeter. Sit at the vanity I will do your hair.”
I sit like a fool while she feathers my hair and fits two clip on earrings. They are simple hanging baubles flowery in shape with a gold background. I gasp at how they enhance my eyes.
“Are you kidding me, I cannot wear these.”
“Silly you can they go great with this.”
She tosses a tan pencil skirt at me. “Put this on,” she commands. Then hits me with another truth.
“You may as well get used to it before you wear that uniform to Exeter.”
I blink again.
“Marie,” she left the Jean off making me nervous. Well more nervous than I already am.
“Those legs are not boy legs and that chest is not boy chest. Like it or not you are a girl.
So get real and put the skirt on while I dig out my yellow camisole for you.”
When I am almost finished the door bell rings. Traci excuses herself to answer it. Like a true friend she never mentioned I was wearing her panties she gave me weeks ago. Another unexplained habit I picked up. I like the feel and now that I do the laundry well I am covered. As I dress I can barely make out voices. It sounds like the other two arrived. I take my time adjusting the skirt that rides an inch above my knee. The silken feeling camisole top has no sleeves. I suppose you already knew it would not. The narrow straps lie gently over my shoulders and my firm mounds? Oh yeah, they are obvious. I start down the stairs as the door bell rings. ‘It must be Pam’, I think. ‘No Pam is opening the door.’ As I reach the bottom step there stands Evan. Pam just opened the door.
“Hi Pam, I am looking for Jean-Marie, is he here?”
“No I do not think so.”
From the bottom step I stare directly into his eyes as his mouth opens wide.
“Jean Marie? Holy effen shit.”
I don’t wait to hear the rest of it. My shoulder brushes his as I almost knock him over as I blast out the door. I do not stop until my front door slams behind me and I am up the stairs in my room.
In less than a second my life is shattered. Wrecked as I am face down in my pillow crying my eyes out I did not hear him come up the stairs.
“I thought at school today you looked pretty. I did not imagine you were beautiful but you are.”
I don’t answer over the sobs which are growing in volume. His strong hands gently touch my shoulder turning me over. I look up at Evan through water soaked eyes as he sits on the edge of the bed. His hand brushes stray hairs from my brow as he hands me a tissue.
“I am not going to tell anyone Jean-Marie. You are beautiful, dry your eyes and sit up. We need to talk.”
Stunned I slowly raise myself into a sitting position whimpering.
“You won’t tell?”
“Jean-Marie, we have been friends forever. I am not mad you pretended to be a boy and never told me.”
He laughed and I giggled.
“I had you fooled huh? Has Craig figured it out?”
“Has he hit on you?”
“Uh no he hasn’t.”
“Then he has not figured it out.”
We both laughed again. Without saying a word Evan fired up my computer loading the screen that reported on Symbols of Arcadia. I could not believe what I was reading. Some game club came to the conclusion the game came from an alien race as a joke. It had the ability to transition smaller teen boys into females and impregnate them. That is the object of the game. The aliens for some reason wanted to teach kids a lesson. The club has not figured out their motives yet. There is a group out there that calls this club crazy but the game is banned.
The information further explained that as no company has taken credit for producing the game the government started an investigation. The problem is the feds have not located a single copy of the game. Homeland Security decided it is a terrorists attack. Evan exhales deeply then offers his wisdom.
“It is a good thing you crashed the computer. I do not want to believe this crap but I am certain I do not want to have fathered your kid. Don’t take it the wrong way but friends don’t do that to friends.”
Evan looks at me smiling.
“What I mean is if you ever want to” he blushes, do that.”
I stare at him thinking, ’he is a hunk.’
“I do not think so Evan.”
“Jean Marie,” he begins with his eyes at my chest level. “The good news is your mom is not top heavy so you will not get too big. If it works that way I mean. Have your parents figured it out yet? Are you a girl down there?”
Too many questions all at once. Too much to take in all at once. I try to dodge the answers, but Evan has been too good a friend for too long.
“Mom and dad have no clue but mom is acting like she knows something is up. They took me to Doctor Lewis to start puberty and he gave me some pills. My monster is growing tiny and I have a crease developing. I have to sit down to pee and it is getting harder.”
My voice cracks as I reach near panic.
“What the fuck am I going to do?”
I am surprised by Evan’s reaction. He reaches out hugging me close and strokes my hair. With a gentle caress he whispers.
“Jean Marie it could be worse. At least you are a beautiful girl. Go to Exeter with Pam, Traci and Becky as one of them. They will protect you and remember I have your back.”
I gazed at him absently stroking his cheek when he spoke again.
“I better go because I really, really want to kiss you and your folks will be home soon. Can I call you?”
“Can you call me? What kind of question is that? The last four years you must have called me ten times a week.”
I giggled again and he answered.
“This time it is a man calling a woman.”
Of course, I gave him my permission. He no sooner left when the girls descended on me. Yes, I told all and they were giddy with the aspect I would be wearing Traci’s school uniform. The big question is how do we keep mom and dad in the dark?
Chapter Five Crisis of Discovery
Rights retained by author ©by Essarr Permission granted to Big Closet Exclusively
Now that school is out we could be viewed as latch key kids. That is not exactly true because our parents are big on supervision. During the school year I had two hours between the final school bell and the time mom arrived home from work. Sure I could get in trouble in two hours. Plenty of kids had access to things like pot and worse. I did not get into trouble because our next door neighbor is Doctor Cox. As you know she is Traci’s mother. She is home everyday shortly after three and paid attention to what I was up to. When you are a doctor running your own shop you can control your hours.
You did not think this nerd got connected to three total babes like Traci, Pam and Becky because they were attracted to me, did you? We were thrown together because Emily Cox is buds with my mom. I had to report in every day and she knew what I was up to. The fact the girls attend Exeter Prep School should tell you their families are well off. Mr. Cox, owns his own auto and home owners insurance agency. To us, he is simply Mr. Cox. Ron is his first name but we kids never address him as such.
Pam’s mother works in real-estate. That alone should tell you the woman can reach out at any minute. Barbara Michaels is a nice lady but I hardly ever saw her. Mr. Michaels owns the local Honda Dealership. In fact dad bought his beamer there. I think his name is Fred. Becky’s parents are more aloof. Mike Williams is an accountant working for a Fortune Five-hundred company. Brenda Williams is one of the dinosaurs, a real stay at home mom. In fact she is a published author writing many romance novels. At least it is not self help. I shudder whenever I read one of those be all you can be books. The people who write them will drive you nuts. You know kind with the attitude we fly over country people are stupid. Like we need them to tell us eating Big Macs will make us fat.
Like I said supervision is everywhere. I cannot get away from it. I am amazed at how I manage to get away with little I had. On second thought, I get away with almost nothing. This summer the three girls all turn fifteen just as I do. Craig and Evan already reached that plateau. As I said the girls suddenly became close friends at the same time Craig and Evan drifted away. It is hard losing two close friends that did everything together. As I sit here in front of the vanity looking at my budding breasts I wonder if this is what chased them off. Very likely it is the same reason why the girls accept me. I like to kid myself thinking they do not worry about fighting over their hunk neighbor any longer. That thought is more satisfying than the notion my breasts had anything to do with it.
I finally did it after finishing my cleaning chores today. I tried on Traci’s school uniform. The look is excellent as the skirt and blazer fits well but the oxford material of the blouse scratches my chest. The blouse presents a terrifying outline because it enhances my bumps. The skirt is adorable because it is a soft combed gray wool. The pleats will be a pain because ironing is required to keep the creases neat. I did not want to press my luck and mess the uniform up so I quickly hung it back up. I can hardly wait to wear it. I washed and dried Traci’s clothes that I wore. The same ones I foolishly ran out the door wearing yesterday I planned on returning them today but an unusual problems arose. Consider the fact I am wearing the skirt Traci made for school that she gave me. All my micro fiber tees I bought clash with it. So I cannot go over to her house until I change. A white cotton tee and my running shorts is the best I can do.
I hurried back from Traci’s to check the roast then went upstairs where I hurriedly put her skirt back on. Well, it is my skirt because she did give it to me. I turn back down the stairs to finish dinner prep. It is four-thirty and my parents will be home soon. I hit the bottom step, glanced over my shoulder to see Evan on the porch. Cautiously, I open the door.
“How are you doing Jean-Marie? Yesterday you were out of it and I wanted to make sure you were ok.”
I noticed right off his eyes were focused on my pronounced chest. I am sure he noticed the rad skirt I was wearing but he remained focused in one spot.
“I am better.”
It was the best I could muster. I quickly added to my short response.
“I have to go up and change.”
I said that for two reasons. The first one should be obvious. My once best friend that hung out with me is suddenly looking at my legs. If that is not bad enough, my parents are due home soon. I am not ready for them to see the new me.
He started to follow me up the stairs an old habit I know.
“Do you mind? Wait down here please.”
He blushed managing “oh yeah.” With a snicker he added, “you look good why change?”
I pointed to the clock explaining my parents are still in the dark. It took forever to put the skirt back and fish out a micro fiber tee. I bought the things big for obvious reasons. I threw on the jeans and shirt then bounced down the stairs. Evan was waiting all smiles.
“You still look good and that shirt hides them well.”
I noted he sounded a bit disappointed but said nothing. Even when I caught him staring at my hips and rear.
“Jean-Marie your mom hasn’t figured it out yet?”
“This is hard enough do you have to keep reminding me?”
I steered him out into the kitchen where I checked the roast and the now boiling potatoes.
“You cook as well?”
I poked him in the shoulder while emitting a smile. It was then his expression turned serious.
“Jean-Marie this is serious. You better talk to your mom and figure this out because it is killing me.”
“Killing you!” I burst out. “How is it killing you?”
“Girl in case you have not figured it out I like you. I would really like to take you out. You know on a date.”
This hit me like a ton of bricks. My friend, my buddy, the guy, I hung around with, suddenly liked me in that way.
“Evan that is sweet and I would like nothing better. Really I would but not right now. It is complicated and I am freaking out. I mean how would you handle it if you woke up in the morning and found you grew tits?”
He did not want to laugh. He tried not to laugh. Those are the reasons I think that made him react the way he did. He hugged me. He buried his face in my shoulder whispering.
“I am sorry I did not mean to upset you.”
I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to tell him how much I cared. I traced my fingers along his cheek then smiled saying.
“I know.”
Mom and dad raved about the meal pleasantly surprised at my culinary prowess. Dad poked at his meal as if something is on his mind. He glanced at mother several times but still remained silent. Mom also ate pensively emitting her patented mother look toward dad as if at any minute she was going to burst. I am not the most together teenager but even I picked up on this. My thoughts focused primarily on flight. I doubted seriously that is an option.
After clearing the table and rinsing the dishes, I reached for the dishwasher. Mom’s hand on my shoulder spun me around stopping me.
“Jean-Marie, I have a check list which I will read to you. Today you have emptied the trash, ironed your father’s shirts. That is after you did the laundry. You cooked an incredible meal. You even mopped the kitchen floor, dusted and waxed the living room tables. Now you are about to wash the dishes. Is there something you want to tell us?”
Frozen in place I shook my head denying there was anything amiss. Dad stated firmly as if he were reading evidence. “I have not seen or heard from your friends, Craig or Evan in some time. You are with those girls everyday. I am proud of your honors grades and how you help mom around the house. I don’t have a single complaint. What puzzles me is why have you taken a sudden interest in feminine issues? You even have a vanity and look at your hair.”
Mom’s gaze changed from a mused smile to a frown signaling she is not happy with dad and how he phrased his concerns.
“What your father is asking dear is why the sudden interest in matters that concern girls?”
I did the only thing a hormonal teen girl could do. I started crying and ran up to my room. I fully expected one or two of them to follow me but nothing happened. I sat at the top of the stairs listening. Mom spoke softly to dad.
“Claude, I think you could have stated it better. I asked you to be gentle.”
“Simone, I was not hard on him. I asked questions trying to find out what is going on. I was so embarrassed yesterday I wanted to scream. When Emily suggested Jean-Marie needed a training bra I almost lost it.”
‘Shit, shit, shit” I thought, so that’s it.’ I crept closer to the stairs.
“Claude, she is only concerned that is all. Emily is an excellent doctor and she noticed the same thing I did. Jean-Marie’s breasts are enlarged. I told her what Doctor Allen’s PA said. Jean-Marie has not started puberty yet and prescribed hormones to get it started. She told me the puffiness is natural. She also told me she gave him some salve and Jean-Marie reported the rash has gone.”
“I do not understand his thinking.” The boy has a puffy chest and a rash. He should have told us.”
“Would you tell your father if you had puffy breasts or even your mother? I will make another appointment with Dr. Lewis for a review of the treatments. If things get worse, I will call Emily. You know she will come right over.”
I could hear mom approach the stairs and I rushed back to my room.
“I hear you in the hall Jean-Marie. I am coming up to talk to you.”
“Oh shit, now what?”
I said that aloud and I bet she heard me. I went into my room anyway burying my face into the pillow. Mom sat on the end of the bed rubbing my back.
“Honey turn over I need to see.”
I shook my head refusing burrowing deeper into the pillow crying noticeably. Mom rolled me over staring down at me.
“Lift your shirt please.”
The good part is I am laying on my back which causes my breasts to be at their minimum. Mom looks down at me her eyes as wide as I have ever seen them. There is no way a woman does not know what teenage breasts look like. Teenage girl breasts I mean. I took a deep breath eyes still streaming droplets of water.
“Oh honey why didn’t you tell me? It does not matter, in your shoes I would have done the same. When I was a girl I hid my growth from my parents as well.”
“Mom they are not supposed to do this.”
Mom still smiling this time with a gentle compassion. She tries to reassure me.
“Emily said since you are taking hormones to start puberty this is natural. Things will return to normal before long. We have a problem so dry your eyes and fix your hair we are going out.”
Here we are standing in the misses department again. It was after father went nuts when mom told him her intentions. The sales girl came over asking how she could help us. Mom’s answer nearly freaked me out.
“I need my daughter measured for a training bra.”
The woman smiled having heard this request many times while a girl stood by blushing. The blushing girl is me not an onlooker. When I talk fast I confuse people sometimes. I poked mom and mouthed ‘daughter?’
“Step over here to the dressing room.”
We followed with mom whispering to me, “would you rather I said son?”
Blushing even more as I removed my now favorite micro fiber shirt I faced the woman. She quickly wound the tape around me then exited the room. She came back with a size thirty-two a.
“This should be a good fit dear. Buckle it front then twist it around.”
I did as she said amazed at how comfortable it felt. I wanted to scream at the embarrassment but simply smiled saying it is good. I asked mom as I turned around, “do the straps show? Can anybody see it?”
Mom assured they could not and bought three or four. Even my micro fiber had a hard time hiding the bumps which increased my worry. Mom tried to tell me they did not show. I wanted to believe her while I maintained my suspicions. When we got home dad did not appear to notice which generated a whisper from mom.
“I told you so.”
That was my harrowing experience the first week of June. Not that it got any better anytime soon. I insisted I did not want a birthday party. I did not wish to get any presents from people who felt obligated. I especially did not want anything suggesting girl. What you want and what you need are often two different things.
Three or four days after my birthday, Doctor Cox and Traci showed up. Fortunately, my parents were not home. Here was the late birthday present I did not want. Doctor Cox insisted I open it up. It is the most amazing chocolate wool wrap around skirt with a matching cream colored camisole silk top. My eyes bugged out as I held them against me. Panic would set in later. I admired my growing wardrobe that consisted of two skirts and camisole blouse. I do not count several pair of girl jeans. There is that uniform in the closet.
That evening the phone rang I could hear my mother acting all girly growing giddier by the minute. I heard her final comment.
“Jean-Marie will find it an interesting event to say the least.”
I shuddered thinking what now. It was not long before I got the word. When I entered the living room dad was laughing suggesting to mom this will not go over too well. Mom shrugged with that you never know expression. I sat on the sofa catching myself before crossing my legs in girl mode.
“Jean-Marie, Doctor Cox invited you to join her and Traci for an evening on the town. They are going to Dallas to see the symphony perform Swan Lake.”
I looked at mom with my whatever expression while dad laughed.
“I told you. He would not be impressed.”
“What do you think honey? It will be the three of you. After the performance, Emily is bringing you for dinner at a fancy restaurant. You will stay the night in a hotel. You will have to dress up. I will lay out your suit Saturday morning before we leave.”
Mom’s words suddenly struck me. Did she say ‘Before, we leave’ they are going somewhere?’ This may not be the end of the world just yet.
“Where are you going?”
“Father thought since you have a chance to expand your cultural horizons we could go into the country for a quiet weekend. We are going to enjoy pampering at a bed and breakfast”
“So you won’t be here to see me off?”
I asked more as a panicked fear of how Doctor Cox would react to me in a suit. I am afraid they will insist upon seeing their son go out the door in a suit. The plan appeared to be Mom and Dad are leaving at nine in the morning while Doctor Cox will pick me up at eleven. They want to see me in my suit before they go. I dodged another bullet but I wonder how long I can keep this up before my heart attack.
The phone rang, it was Traci.
“Are you going?”
Her excited voice instantly became contagious and I joined in sounding as much as girl as her.
“Of course, I would not miss it for the world. What are you going to wear?”
I should have not said that because mom definitely demonstrated a tick in her eye. She stared at me listening intently. I toned down my enthusiasm.
“Jean-Marie, I hope you are planning to wear the outfit mom gave you.”
She was enjoying this too much. I could hardly wait for what is coming next.
“I have the most amazing cocktail dress you can borrow for the performance.”
“Are you shitting me!”
Mom yelled her disapproval of my choice of words. I pressed on.
“You, don’t want me to wear my suit?”
Traci caught on quickly figuring my mom could hear.
“Let me talk to your mom.”
I handed the phone off and mom listened to Traci agreeing with her. When she got off the phone she turned to me.
“Traci is right as it is a long drive. Her mother suggested you wear comfortable clothes and change at the hotel. Pack your suit carefully and wear your jeans or whatever.”
I nodded my agreement before saying goodnight. After I went to my room I did not hear my parent’s conversation. It is just as well because I would have freaked.
“Simone, aren’t you a bit concerned about this?
The woman considered her husband’s question.
“Concerned, why should I be concerned?”
Claude raised his brows as he answered.
“Our son is going to a ballet while his breasts are appearing a bit more feminine every day. His mannerisms are girlish and he has adapted to housekeeping more than any boy I know.”
“Claude it concerns me, however, a bit of culture will not hurt him. I know what you mean about his mannerisms. The breasts concern me but the Doctor assures me that issue will work itself out.”
I will not go into the details because ballet is something you need to see not read about. Traci and I had a great time and her mother was in another world. She thoroughly enjoyed showing culture to a pair of teen girls. To protect my cover I had to wrinkle and smudge my suit a bit. Every mother could tell at once if I had not worn it. I must admit the waiter at dinner fussed over us calling me young lady. He was a college student I guessed and more than once I caught him checking me out.
I had no sooner got back and Pam was on the phone.
“I hear you looked smashing in your LBD.”
“My what?”
“Little black dress silly it is a basic requirement for every girl.”
I blushed when she said that. There is a lot I need to learn.
“Yes, it was I admit it looked terrific. The problem is the guys, they were literally drooling.”
“Jean-Marie you are going to have to get use to it. They will be all over you. You do like guys don’t you?”
After she considered what I said she added or should I say threw out the red meat?
“Jean-Marie you said it was a problem. What I mean is you did not seem to think guys drooling was a problem last night. That waiter nearly had a heart attack checking you out.”
I blinked at that never thinking about it before. That is not true he did not check me out. I do not fantasize over guys. I did think Dave was a hunk and Evan turned me on. The waiter, sure he is cute. Now that I think about it I saw Traci naked and could not generate a stiffy. But then again the monster has almost disappeared. It seems to be retracting into that strange crease. I sometimes wake up with my fingers in there, Weird, I know what about me is not?”
Since I took so long answering having lost in my thoughts, Pam repeated her question.
“You do like guys don’t you?”
“Pam, I think I do. You girls sure as hell don’t turn me on.”
“I am glad to hear that. See you tomorrow we have a lot to talk about.”
I wore my skirt that Traci made with the yellow camisole. My wardrobe is limited. Evan talked me into going to the movies on a Saturday night. Don’t ask how I planned on getting back into the house without being seen. It was a chick flick as they call them. About midway through the movie I felt his hand on my knee. Then his arm around my neck and his lips suddenly found mine. I did not see the remainder of the movie.
As we walked home who do we run into but Craig and Monica. Craig had this disgusted look on his face when he said to Evan.
“What do you think you are doing?”
Evan kept his cool as he calmly answered Craig.
“As I recall we were the three musketeers and Jean here was your best friend.”
He emphasized the American pronunciation of Gene making it sound as a shortened version of Jeanette. It caught Craig flat footed. I thought for a minute this would get ugly. I knew what happened to me scarred the hell out of Craig. It could have been him and he knew it. I believe guilt about the screwed up game is why he suddenly avoids me. Evan agrees with me on this speculation. It was Monica who broke the ice.
“Jeanette is such a lovely name. I have seen you around town are you dating Evan now? Craig honey she is pretty.”
Craig laughed at the thought of his rough and tumble buddy being pretty. He took a long look at me.
“Everything is cool Evan is lucky to be with you. See you later, and call me.”
Of course, I did not call Craig and he did not call me. Our long time friendship was at an end and we both knew it. As for Evan, I am not sure. He says all the right words and shows me respect but there is something out of sorts. What am I developing feminine intuition as well?
Evan walked me home and we kissed good night. He said he would call me but I am not going to hold my breath. As soon as he was out of sight I ran into the garage changing into my boy clothes.
That is basically how the summer went. When mom and dad were at work I dressed like a girl. My cooking skills got better and better. My mother was pleasantly surprised with that aspect. She was also thrilled with being relieved of laundry detail. She even shamed my father into taking over the law mowing detail. She went so far as to list everything I did claiming I did enough around here. Dad grumbled but mom finished it.
“We, girls have to stick together.”
I tightened up hearing that comment. ‘What does she know?’ I had not dated Evan a second time though we talked several times. Becky is convinced Evan is totally gone on me. Totally gone was the way she put it. I did not know how to regard it. I have concluded my preference is toward boys. I deny any notion I am gay. As I look at myself in the mirror I see a girl. To be truthful I am very angry about this in between situation.
Mom made an appointment for me to see Dr. Lewis for my follow up during a time she was working. She told me, I could go by myself. She will meet me there and talk to the doctor. I was sorely tempted to wear a skirt but chickened out.
I did not see the PA this time. Dr. Lewis saw me himself. It seems to me the man is at least eighty years old. But to be fair he is not quite that far gone. He had me undress and did not seem surprised I was wearing a training bra. I wondered about that but did not say anything. He thumbed through my papers reciting the name of the medication prescribed by the PA. I do not remember the woman’s name. They are all the same to me.
He measured my chest muttering while writing something down.
“You must be pleased, when you last came in your bust measured thirty-two a. You are now a b-cup young lady. Have you started menstruating yet my dear?”
”
‘He thinks I am a girl’
“Of course not I am a boy.”
Doctor Lewis raises his white bushy eyebrows and patted me on the knee.
“You have quite a sense of humor. I take your answer to mean you have not.”
Once again I balked not knowing how to respond. I shook my head again indicating I had not. He had me sit up on the gurney or reclining table chair. I do not know what you call the thing. The next thing I know I am laying down and he is listening to my stomach with his stethoscope. Next he examines my monster which leads me conclude he will figure out I am a boy after all. To my surprise he tells me my clitoris inflammation has almost disappeared. It is still a bit enlarged it should be normal sized in a few more days.
He felt around the outer edges of my deepening crease. Making as offhanded comment there was nothing unusual. He asked me if I ever had an internal exam. Puzzled, not knowing what he was talking about I told him no. He tells me to get dressed concluding with something I did not understand.
“Internal exams can be quite uncomfortable. I, don’t see the need to put you through it unless, have you been having any discharges down there?”
“You mean like oozing stuff no I have not, never.”
The Doctor chuckled.
“That is what I mean.”
A minute later mom walked in.
The nurse drew some blood tests the doctor wanted. I hate it when they stick me to draw blood. Mom asked about my breasts clearly not liking the answer. He told her I was progressing normally and not to worry.
On the way home mom stopped at the drug store and sent me inside to pick up my refill. The pharmacists was nice but freaked me out with her comments.
“Honey have you started your monthlies yet?”
I blink this mess has me blinking a lot. My answer is truthful enough with a simple “no.”
She smiled when she said.
“I thought not this estrogen regime should get it started soon. I must warn you if it does not before you need another refill get a second opinion.”
I thanked her promising to tell my mom what she said. Of course, I am not going to. They are giving me estrogen no wonder I am effed up. My mind is racing the pills are turning me into a girl. That is not true everybody who knows anything will tell you that is bull. I guess I will keep taking them.
Taking a break from my story I look into my vanity while my parents keep yelling downstairs. I see a pretty girl looking back at me. I thought about senile Doctor Lewis and the pharmacist and laugh. I did not understand at the time my crease looked like a vagina. What the hell I never saw one. It just looked like a crease formed by fatty tissue because my balls had not dropped. I thought it was because there was one testicle on each side. Like they were squeezed forming a ridge with a crease behind. Just so you know why I did not say anything. I bet you are laughing at the stupid kid right now. It is not funny. The voices from downstairs are growing quiet I expect they will come for me at any minute. I better get back to my story. It would not be fair to leave you guys in the lurch.
Two weeks later mom is sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee and talking to Doctor Cox. When I came in from my run with Traci, I heard the last of mom’s comment.
“Doctor Allen reports the blood tests came back normal. I do not know what to do.”
“Well Simone breast development appears normal from what I can see.”
Mom did not like that answer and her gaze is doubtful. My mind nearly exploded waiting for mom’s expected, but not for a boy. Traci was quick, real quick when she said interrupting.
“Mom don’t you think another opinion is needed or an MRI or something?”
That quieted my mother preventing the expected reaction. Dr. Cox answered in an assured voice.
“Simone I know you are concerned and rightly so. I love Jean-Marie like my own daughter. I know you are busy so I will drive Jean-Marie to my office in the morning and do a full exam. Will that make you feel better?”
My thoughts focused on Dr. Cox’s wording, “like my own daughter.” I considered still watching for mom’s reaction. My God, I thought ‘mom took that to mean Dr. Cox loves me like she loves her own daughter’ I am not sure if that is what she meant but it got by mom.
Mom exhaled slowly obviously relieved.
“Would you Emily? I cannot thank you enough. I should go with you. They can find a replacement.”
“Simone go to work. Jean-Marie looks perfectly healthy and if anything is seriously wrong you will know at once.”
That seemed to settle it at least when Dr. Cox finds out the deception it won’t be in front of my mother. My thoughts were broken by Traci who dragged me up to my room.
“Strip.”
My eyes flashed wide as my voice pleaded no.
“Are you kidding? Strip in front of you?
Traci stares at me with a stern countenance.
“Girlfriend I have seen the penis before. I never told you but Bill Wakely, remember him?
My answer as I rolled my eyes muttering comes back in the affirmative.
“He is nothing special. On my only date with him, he pulled it out expecting me to do something to it. I laughed saying it is too small even to consider. I thought he was going to lose it. Needless to say there was no second date. Now take off your jeans and panties.”
I did not like her emphasis on the word panty. Who am I fooling she knows I prefer panties. Here I am laying on my back legs spread with a pretty girl looking at me. A lot of guys dream about this event. Why do I feel so put out?
Traci’s eyes narrow as she sees my monster. Then her fingers touch it like it is something deadly.
“Ewe your clit is inflamed.”
“That’s not my clit.”
“Really, do you expect me to believe that is a penis? It is what a quarter inch long, has folds and is pinkish.”
I flush red to the tenth degree as she continues to stare, feel and grin.
“I thought boys had balls?”
Now we are both laughing.
“I got balls they have not dropped yet. It is called late puberty you know the reason for the pills.”
That is when it got really weird. She squeezed my groin and I nearly jumped.
“I hate to tell you this girl but there are no balls there. Who told you that you were a boy a government doctor?”
Before I can react, she raised her skirt and dropped her panties. My eyes as any boy’s would flashed wide open.
“You tell me does that look any different than you?”
I protested but my crease looked like hers. Then Traci relieved my worries .
“When mom examines you, she cannot blame you for claiming to be a girl. You are a girl, fool.
They have been lying to you. What is your mother going to do? I am not going to guess.”
My world is closing around me causing me to fret asking, “what in hell am I?”
Rights retained by author ©by Essarr Permission granted to Big Closet Exclusively
The steady buzz of my alarm is annoying me as is mother’s voice calling from downstairs.
“Jean-Marie it is time to get up. Doctor Cox will be here in an hour.”
I crawl out of the bed dreading what is coming for me. ’What will the doctor think when she discovers the freak?’ I spend considerable time in the shower. My breasts are stimulated by pulsing water. ’Good grief they are getting bigger.’ My panic steadily rises as I again hear mom.
“Honey father and I are leaving are you up yet? Answer me please.”
I call down announcing I am in the shower and promise faithfully that I will be ready. Ready for my execution that is but I did not say that part. While sitting at my vanity preening my hair what I see unsettles me. The girl wearing a bra and panties stares back at me from the mirror. ’She is really pretty and cannot be mistaken for a boy. Did I really plan a complicated charade to be friends with the girls? How could I consciously delay puberty and stifle growth of my male parts? Why would I do that? Does anyone believe a computer game could cause this?’
By now I am completely frustrated. Pam, Becky and Traci thought I was a boy pretending to be a girl. Check that. They thought I was a boy who looked like a girl. Traci is now convinced I am a girl after seeing me naked. I can’t blame her for that because I agree I look like I have girl parts. Craig an Evan always knew I was a boy. We did boy things together for four years. In the last couple of weeks Evan kissed me and said I was pretty. It was the other thing he told me on the phone yesterday that has me freaked.
The reason Craig is pissed off if because he thinks I was a girl all along. I was playing head games making fools of them. He cannot wrap his mind around the truth. The computer game did this. I look into the mirror for a final review. My cream colored camisole top rests at my waist even with my skirt. The chocolate wrap around wool skirt reaches slightly above my knees. My thought is since I must undress for the Doctor this outfit is the right choice. The pretty girl in the mirror speaks to me.
“Do you really think after looking at you, Craig could possibly think you were ever a boy?”
I step back still gazing into the mirror. I cannot maintain my anger at my ex best friend. If I were honest, I’d admit in his shoes I’d come to the same conclusion. I go downstairs to have a bowl of cereal before Emily Cox arrives.
“You like really nice today Jean-Marie. I see you are wearing your birthday skirt and top.”
I smiled thanking Doctor Cox for her compliment as I swung my legs into her front seat. My expression is a serious one as I stare forward resisting conversation.
“Are you just a little bit nervous honey? Don’t be I need to check you out to see what the problem is with your puberty delay.”
I exhaled slowly thinking. ’It is not that. I will fall to pieces when you discover I am a fraud. I am going to lose all my friends.’
I did not say any of this and if I were the Doctor I’d be thinking this kid is a wreck.
When the horror of the exam ended, thank God, she did not do an internal. Doctor Cox ushered me into her office. I gritted my teeth expecting the worse. The questions were gentle which surprised me.
“Honey have you noticed any spotting? I ask because indications are your period can come at any minute.”
Those words were gentle? She is telling a boy his period is eminent. How do I answer that question?
“I have not noticed any spotting at all.”
My eyes must have expressed horror because Doctor Cox squeezed my hand.
“Dear it is not the end of the word you are growing up. Spotting can be a nuisance. It often stains your clothes so when you learn your cycle time wear panties that are grayed. You know clothing you don’t really care about.”
“So I am ok? There is nothing wrong with me?”
To me both were stupid questions that I should have been able to answer. Of course, I am not ok. Of course, there is something wrong with me. Boys do not spot and do not have a cycle. Is this woman telling me, I am one of them?
“Doctor Cox my breast are getting too big.”
Then I made a mistake. I said the wrong thing.
“My penis is shrinking it is almost gone.”
You should have seen the expression on Emily Cox’s face when I said that. She actually laughed out loud. I closed my eyes waiting for the explosion.
“Jean-Marie you are not the first girl who referred to an inflamed clitoris as a penis. Is that why you have been acting like you were scared? You thought you were some kind of freak?”
I started crying and the more I tried to stop the faster the tears flowed. This beautiful woman hugged me close for several minutes. When the tears slowed to a sniffle she spoke again.
“I bet you thought that we would think you were a boy pretending to be a girl. Am I right?”
I nodded still sniveling and then played it.
“I did not want you hating me. Traci is my best friend and I thought I’d lose her.”
Doctor Cox stroked my hair explaining how these things can happen.
“I discovered through the tests that were done you have an anomaly in one of your x chromosomes. There is a small twist in it. Sometimes that causes minor physical complications. With medication short term the swelling will go down. Have you notice some leakage from it?”
Another unspoken thought formed I kept hidden. ‘How did she know? I used to pee out of it that is why I know it is a penis.’ Instead of letting that escape, I answered sheepishly with a simple “yes.”
“It is one of the rare anomalies. You see there is a tube that extends from your bladder to that tiny hole below your vagina. The hole is called an urethra. You know where your urine come out. In your case there is a second tube that extends to what you thought was a penis.”
I stared at Doctor Cox eyes wide open with an amazed expression. She hugged me again.
“You thought when urine came out of there it was because it was supposed to.”
She is nodding her head up and down slowly.
“When you found wet spots in your under ware from your urethra you thought you wet your pants. We can close the extra tube in my office it will not hurt. Your breasts did not grow a lot in the last week. I can tell the way your bra fits.”
I am still speechless because this answers a lot of questions. I am not a freak. I am almost normal but a bit confused. That raises another question. Who is going to tell my parents? Not me!
“Jean-Marie, I have a personal question for you. I did not want to ask your parents because I may offend them.
This certainly piqued my curiosity. Now I am all ears.
“What question is that?”
“Honey you don’t know it but I got my medical degree at McGill in Montreal. I know that Jean is a male name. I understand how male-female and female-male hyphenated nomenclature works. Why did your parents give you a male name?”
I blinked yet another time. I did what any kid would do in the situation. I lied.
“Actually it is Jeanette-Marie. You know how everybody shortens things.”
She smiled seemingly accepting my lie. I thought she did anyway. I must have missed her dubious smile.
“I will take you home and then call your mother to assure her everything is fine. If you need me to be with you please call.”
As you can see the situation keeps sinking deeper. I am no closer to resolving this than before I found out I am a girl. There is a certain amount of relief in knowing I am not some kind of freak. I know from the internet that boys who dress like girls are considered lower than pond scum. We did not have any of those at the Willie. My experience is seriously limited regarding boys who want to be girls. My urge to look pretty is normal. But I still cannot do it. When I thought I was a boy knowing I was not brave caused problems. Because I was not strong, bullies targeted me. I hated myself for being weak. I am a girl. I am not supposed to duke it out with the jocks. I sink down on my bed understanding one thing. I am still weak I cannot reveal this girl thing to my parents.
Can you imagine raising your kid thinking he is a boy to find out he is a girl? You think you might feel just a little bit stupid? You think you might feel just a bit guilty over screwing your kid up? I can justify not telling them because I am concerned about their feelings. The truth of it is, I am weak and scared shitless.
The moment of truth is sneaking up on me. I only have one more week before starting Exeter. The uniform thing terrifies me. The idea of wearing that boy outfit will not work on any level. I am a real girl and I refuse to pretend otherwise. I am dying to wear the pleated skirt, apply makeup, get a perm and have my nails done. Do I really have to sit down with my parents and shatter their world? A phone call provided misguided relief.
“This is an emergency session of the Maple Street Girls Club. Get your butt down to the library.”
That was the voice of Pam Michaels. With nothing else to do I threw on my shorts and tee. Then hustled off to the library. The three girls all hugged me piling on with big smiles. Becky spoke first.
“Traci told us. I cannot believe you were a girl all the time.”
Pam added her perspective.
“Would you rather she be a cross dresser or fag? I knew you were a girl all along.”
I teased Pam because I could not resist.
“You had a crush on me and it does not bother you to find out I am a girl?”
Pam poked me just as Traci smiled while making her comment.
“Mom told me your name is really Jeanette not Jean. I did not tell her you lied about that. She did the whole French hyphenated name thing. She was pissed your parents could stick you with a male name. She bought the lie about Jeanette because it is easy.”
“She did not say anything to mom did she?”
I asked nearly panicked.
“No she did not because she believed you. But that brings me to another question.”
I could hardly wait for that other question. From their expressions Pam and Becky were dying to hear it.
“Your parents really think you are a boy don’t they?”
I struggled not wanting to answer her but there is no escape. I just nodded.
Three voices at the same time uttered one word. “Shit.”
Becky raised a wide smile.
“It is time to plan.”
That is the point where my deception dug a deeper hole. Not that it was not deep enough. According to Becky this will be simple. I just wear my girl uniform to school and change out of it before my parents see it. She thought we could simply buy a boy uniform for my closet. I can wear it to show my parents. Everybody knows they will want to see me in the uniform.
I looked at her doubtfully while Pam encouraged pursuit of this plan.
“You will be riding to school with Traci and will be home before your parents. Why won’t it work?”
The girls were good with that thinking it a perfect plan. That is until Traci spoke up. “What happens when Dave shows up with a bouquet at the Lafleur house? He will expect to see Jeanette in her prom dress. Have you considered that?”
Another chorus of shit followed.
Mrs. Cox seemed satisfied with that but still appeared suspicious. Even worse, I know Mrs. Cox is going to let my parents have it one of these days.
“You will have them when I pick you up at three?”
Once again I exhaled slowly nodding hoping we can drop the subject. While I am talking about this, I may as well finish. I had to scarf up another fifty dollars for a boy’s uniform as well. I know, don’t tell me it is a weak plan but the best we could come up with. Pam Traci and Becky shared in the cost each chipping in. After all, it is their hair brained idea.
The freedom and the annoyance of the girls uniform presented itself throughout the day. I loved the feel of the skirt while dreading the careful movements I had to execute to keep from flashing. Traci teased me dreadfully pointing out every stare I earned from the boys. I have to admit some of the guys were hunks. I hate thinking that way because I was brought up differently.
Pam gushed when seeing Ben Bryant, the school jock. She introduced me and the boy’s eyes darted from Pam’s chest to mine and then down to our legs. I thought I was being measured for a trophy case. After he wandered down the hall, Pam spoke.
“You were.”
“I was what?”
“You were being measured for his trophy wall. The word is he has the school record for initiating virgins.”
“Pam what are you saying?”
I could not believe what she just said.
“It is true though they think it is a big secret. There are four or five of them that have a contest. Whoever scores with the larger number of virgins wins a thousand bucks.”
I nearly panicked.
“Who is playing this game?”
She recited the name of five jocks warning me to stay away from them.
I did not need convincing and resolved myself to steer clear. I wondered how is being a pretty girl is different than being the nerd victim of bullies? I thought being a popular pretty girl was an advantage. I am quickly learning I am nothing more than quarry for hungry predators.
Doctor Cox approved of my uniforms. I had them in one of those plastic garment bags. The boy uniform was mashed between the girls unseen by looking at the bag. You should have seen us crammed into a stall in the girls room. It was a chore trying to slide that uniform between two others.
I promised to return Traci’s uniform after I washed it this afternoon.
“Jeanette you don‘t have to. I was not angry after all I gave it to you. I was just curious why you had not gotten you own.”
Her explanation was reasonable but it still bothered me. I am wary over her new habit of calling me Jeanette. I can hardly wait for her to drop that in front of Simone and Claude.
Traci helped me do the laundry. I needed to wash the uniform I wore as quick as possible. I am glad for her help because at least five boys from school called wanting to introduce themselves. I dispatched each of them as quickly and gently as possible. I managed to stash my three girl uniforms plus the one I washed and hang up the boy one just in time before the folks got home.
Traci the coward, excused herself the moment they arrived. She whispered.
“I would rather be home and hear the explosion from there.”
I no sooner set the dinner table when mom and dad arrived and Traci fled. I took great pains to prepare stuffed peppers and chef salad with hot French bread. Mom and dad beamed upon smelling the food. I half expected hearing some sort of pleasant surprise. Instead mom said something else.
“Honey you are not wearing your school uniform. We wanted to see how it looked. You were able to get them weren’t you?”
I nearly freaked out. The last thing I wanted to do was model that stupid outfit.
“They are already cleaned and hung up. I did not want to wear it while cooking with tomato sauce. You know how that splatters.”
Mom smiled obviously pleased at yet another lie. Well, I did wash, dry and press a uniform. It was not exactly a lie. More like a president’s lie by leaving out an important piece. Those guys do it all the time.
“I hate to be a pain” mom began. “Could you show us what it looks like after dinner?”
I nodded agreeing not wanting to but going along with them. Then dad has to open his mouth. He had to say something that caused me to spray a mouthful on the table.
“Traci Cox is such a pretty girl. Are you interested in her? Do you plan on asking her out?”
“Uh no dad we are just friends and dating would ruin a perfect friendship.”
Mom tossed me an odd glance while I wanted to say something I could not. I wanted to say I had the hots for Dave McCauley. We ate in silence other than the dreaded questions. You know the ones, did you make any new friends? Do you like the school? I gave the most noncommittal answers I could while praying this will end. I stood to clear the table and mom spoke again.
“You are a great cook Jean-Marie. I will clean up so you can show us your uniform. You do too much work around here as it is.”
There is no way around this. It is a good thing I was prepared for it. The uniform was already laid out on my bed. I struggle into the pants. Struggle because I hate wearing pants. I put on the oxford shirt and tied the stupid tie. ‘Why do they insist you put a noose around your neck? I know so they can pull you along by it.’ I started downstairs stopping abruptly when my image from the mirror caught my eye.
‘O.M.G. look at my chest. My breasts were enhanced by the form fitting oxford shirt. I never considered that. I grabbed the blazer slipping into it. It helped when I buttoned it. The tie made things worse. The stupid thing lay right at my cleavage. I turned slowly gazing into the mirror. Satisfied with the jacket I was less obvious. I had an idea. So I yelled downstairs.
“Do I have to wear this stupid tie?”
Dad yelled back thankfully. Being a man he understands the hatred for neckties.
“That’s ok son you do not need to wear the tie. Having to wear it all day is enough.”
By removing the tie and loosening the top button it helped hide my chest. The material of the shirt did not form to my body as close. Cautiously, I descended the stairs in the hope this will be short and painless.
As they gaze at me an interesting dance begins. Dad’s eyes drift toward my chest and I turn slightly in mom’s direction. When she starts to appraise my shirt I again shift toward dad. This seems to be working. Then mom says.
“Let me see your shirt.”
Still looking at dad, I offer.
“It’s a shirt a common everyday stiff white oxford.”
I am resisting turning toward her. I know she is more observant than dad. ‘Thank you father,’ I suddenly think.
“Simone, The boy is right. It is a common shirt and it looks fine.”
“If you, insist. The jacket looks good and the pants,” she stops.
Suddenly, her fingers slip under the waist band in the small of my back. ‘Did she feel the lace of my panties? Shit, shit, shit.’
“Not too snug. It seems a perfect fit. You have great fashion sense for a boy Jean-Marie.”
I exhale slowly thinking I may escape yet. Then dad offers his wise ass comment.
“And he can cook with the best of them. Great fashion sense, terrific cook. Someday you will make a fine wife.”
“That is enough of that Claude Lafleur.”
Mom exploded giving me an out. I break toward the stairs.
“I am getting out of this monkey suit.”
Quickly, I close the door to my room breathing a sigh of relief. It takes almost no time to ditch the clothes and hang them in the closet. They are in full view while my real uniforms lurk in the dark. ‘I cannot take much more of this.’ I sit at my vanity wearing bra and panties thinking I had better put a robe on. In case mom decides to visit. Either that or get dressed. I decide on my skinny jeans and tee. As I said I cannot take much more of this when the more visited me.
I am lying on my bed pulling up my skinny jeans. That is the posture required to get these things on. Yeah I know it is not the brightest thing to wear jeans that enhance my hips and rear. I know, I fret about this all the time and it causes odd glances from my mother. Give a girl a break. I need to feel like me once in awhile. It was then I noticed my greatest fear. I find spots in my panties. I nearly scream I am not ready for this. How could I not be ready for this? Perhaps I did not believe it was going to happen. Perhaps my act convinced me, I was a boy pretending to be a girl. Whatever, the reason reality slapped me. I grabbed my cell.
“Traci, help my visitor is here.”
“Really are you sure?”
“How could I not be sure? Nobody sneaked in and stabbed me.”
“I’ll be right over.”
I ran downstairs to meet Traci at the door. I know the rule, no girls in my room. Mom and dad were watching TV.
“Can we use the computer in the den?”
“Go ahead you know better than to go on those sites we don’t like.”
We rushed into the den.
“Let me see.”
I peel back my jeans lowering them to my knees. The spots were getting larger. Traci reaches into her purse handing me a box of Tampons. Her face turns bright red.
“Do you know how to use these?”
I flush again shaking my head obviously no. Then I say something stupid.
“I am a virgin it will bust my cherry.”
After Traci stops laughing, she removes the paper wrap handing the foreign invader to me.
“You are clueless aren’t you? If I did not know better, I would think you are a guy.”
I stared at her my fear evident by my dilated eyes.
“Jeanette your hymen is an expandable membrane. It is also porous it allows menstruation to occur. You know pass the flow through it. It also yields allowing the use of a tampon. The tampon will not damage it.”
I looked at her dumbfounded.
“They did not give boys these lessons in health class did they?”
“Of course not I had no need to learn this crap.”
“I guess you were wrong. Jeanette, I will tell you how to do it. I am not about to touch you there. Doing that for myself is yucky enough.”
We both laughed our asses off on that one.
“Do not flush these things down the toilet. Major problem happens that way.”
She then explained the whole toxic shock issue scaring the hell out of me. She insisted I change often.
“Stick them in a plastic bag and dump them in the girls bathroom at school.”
We talked for several minutes until Traci hugged me.
“Welcome to girlhood you are one of us now.”
“Don’t go telling Pam and Becky.”
“Your secret is safe with me.”
Traci went home with the silliest expression on her face. Mom caught it and had to say something.
“What was so funny?”
I answered with the usual, nothing and fled upstairs.
I sit here with a corncob stuffed between my legs staring at my bottom drawer. Under my jeans two skirts, multiple pairs of panties and two tops are hidden. At some level I know they will be discovered and the shit will hit the fan. Now I have to hide Tampons. Is this what you get with the joy of finding yourself?
Chapter Seven Conclusion
Rights retained by author ©by Essarr Permission granted to Big Closet Exclusively
I survived the monthly visitor crisis by stashing the spent, whatever you want to call them in zip lock bags. The smell how can you hide the stench? I know hiding the bag under my bed does not work. The fumes wafted through to my nostrils all night. I pictured a scene where I poked a coat hanger through the top of the bag and hung the offender outside my window. ‘What would Rocky think if he looked out his window?’ His bedroom is opposite mine. We spent many a night flashing Morris Code signals back and forth. I know he could see a coat hanger swaying in the breeze. Obviously the freezer is out and I do not have a private bathroom. The closet will not work I can imagine the hang over smell trapped in that confined space.
When I left for school I opened my window wide with the fan blowing out. I already told you mom is not an idiot. There is a nagging suspicion the woman would pick up on that odor right away. I have a few weeks to figure it out. I should tell these guys that want to be girls. It ain’t no picnic there are many pitfalls. Why is it, I have to discover them all at once?
Day three in school presented my guidance counselor a woman who is as round as she is tall. Mrs. Murray introduced me to the field house. It seems she saw me skating and thought it was imperative I be turned loose on their ice rink. I should not have been surprised an exclusive school had an ice rink. But as dad said when he discovered Dallas had an NHL team.
“It ought to be against the law to have a hockey team in a place that cannot grow its own ice.”
Anyway I love ice skating and I can finally do it here, in a place where I would never suspect such a facility exist. Perhaps, I will take advantage when I find the time.
I am sitting at a study hall desk my skirt resting on my thighs. I hate how my skirt rides up each time I sit or bend. Believe me it is a shock when you first experience it. I am day dreaming or to be exact worrying. According to my calculations, my three accomplices, their parents, my two ex best friends, my tormentor, and my Doctor know I am a girl. All of this has occurred in the space of a few weeks. Well perhaps it was a month but no more than that. Yet my parents have not figured it out. I know I have to tell them but I, don’t know how. Rationalization is a wonderful thing it rates right up there with denial.
My plan is simple, don’t tell them. I know at some point some stupid comment will blow the whole deception. ‘What am I afraid of?’ The bell finally sounds and I am free to eat lunch having not accomplished a thing.
I walk into the lunch room with the girls and we head to our favorite table. I stop suddenly seeing Dave sitting there. ‘Is he, one of the virgin contestants?’ It is funny how in my new quarry persona everything is questioned.
Dave stands facing me directly.
“You do not mind, do you?”
My buddies all giggle and glance at me. As if they need my permission, to set me up. Like an idiot I answer.
“Not at all.”
So who does he sit next to? Even though I made a conscious effort to squeeze in between Becky and Pam. Silly Becky moves over giving him room. Now his knee is touching mine. Not that I am complaining. I am waiting for his fingers to accidentally regard me in some fashion. Thankfully, he is too cool to do something stupid.
“How do you like it here Jeanette?”
Jeanette, ‘what need feeds everyone to want to embrace an adaptation to my name?’ I hear it more often than not lately. You know I like it but I can’t wait for the phone to ring. Dad answers it to hear, “is Jeanette home?” Ok so I am paranoid.
“I really do like it here.”
I answer like an air headed coed. At least I left out the ‘fer sure.’ This is the last day of my period. It must be why I am reacting the way I have been all day. Becky does not help.
“Excuse my sister here she is out of sorts today.”
Dave laughs as his eyes rise giving me that I understand look. ‘Thanks Bec you are a friend.’ At least he did not ask me out on a date. My excuse that my parents won’t allow dating is holding up.
Traci gave me crap on the way home telling me I should do more to encourage Dave. I did not want to hear it I have enough complications. We pulled into the driveway and I jumped out the car thanking Doctor Cox.
“Thank you for the ride. I’ll see you in the morning. Call me Traci.”
I got two steps when Traci’s mom’s voice stopped me.
“Jeanette why don’t you come inside?”
I turned with a quizzical expression.
“Your mom and dad will be here in a half hour. We are going to have a cookout. I talked them into taking some time off from work. You need a respite from all the work you do.”
Traci grabbed my arm dragging me toward my house yelling to her mother.
“In a minute mom we have something to do.”
Like a flash we were out of there secured in my room.
“Shit that was close.”
Traci exclaimed while I ditched the uniform and made myself less girly. When we got back Traci had barely enough time to change before my parents arrival. I find myself sitting next to Traci in the middle of the picnic table bench. Our parents are lined up opposite us while Mr. Cox is grilling steaks. He turns to look up the driveway.
“I see you made it.”
A tall man and his wife, I assume walk toward us. There is somebody else getting out of the car. Mr. Cox turns to my parents.
“Have you met Mark and Claire McCauley?”
My expression paled when I heard the other voice.
“Surprise Jean-Marie, I bet you did not expect to see me.”
I bit my lip and closed my eyes. ‘This cannot be true.’ Mom answers.
“No Ron but I have met their son. Hello David nice to see you again. You should stop by, Jean-Marie could use the company.”
My father looked at my mother with that you did not mention this expression.
“I forgot to tell you dear. David brought Jean-Marie home from the track meet for me awhile back. We have not seen you since have we David?”
I sunk deeper into my seat trying to make myself small. Dave did not help. Again our knees touched as he crammed between me and his mother.
“Jean-Marie, are you still out of sorts?”
His lame attempt at humor was shot down by good old Traci.
“Knock it off Dave you picked on Jean-Marie enough.”
She went on to make up this story of some kid giving me a hard time. My reaction at school was one of anger. I was still angry when Dave joined us for lunch. Dave did not know what it was about and we did not tell him. I squeezed her hand smiling whispering, “thank you.”
It was another close call that I survived but I could see dad was having issues. That surfaced later when we were at home. I was hiding in my room when I heard them talking. Their voices had the familiar parental concern we kids pick up on. You know the tone that causes us to disappear? That one. I should have known because all too soon I heard it.
“Jean-Marie come downstairs please.”
It was my father not sounding at all happy.
“What dad?”
He sets down his newspaper slowly taking a deep breath. I, don’t know what I did but I am getting ready to bail.
“What is the story with this David McCauley character?”
“Uh what do you mean dad?”
‘You mean his chronic hard on for me bothers you?’ I did not let that thought escape. The problem is I experienced this odd damp feeling whenever I see him. I will have to ask Traci about that.
“Jean-Marie,” mother interrupts, “your father and I are concerned.”
Then dad jumps in.
“Is the boy gay?”
“I, don’t think so. He is on the football team”
‘Does kissing me twice and copping a feel of my hip when he thinks he can get away with it count?’ I think before adding another defensive comment.
“Why would you think that?’
Dad answers in a wary voice.
“We saw how he looks at you. He has that boy in love blank stare. We saw how defensive you appear around him. You are not interested in girls. We are concerned.”
Faced with that I blurt out the only thing I could think of.
“That is nuts. I like girls I am taking Traci to the dance next Friday night.”
Both of them relaxed upon hearing that while father felt the need to caution.
“Be careful around that David kid. I don’t trust him and your mother is wary.”
Well if he were to be my first boy friend, we are off to a rocky start. Then mother hits me with the next bomb.
“When you get up in the morning bring your clothes down for me. You deserve a day off. I will do the laundry.”
I smile while attempting to hide a frown.
“Thanks mom I can hang out with Traci instead.”
Now I am in my room trying to figure out how to get my real uniform cleaned. It is a good thing I have four of them. I slept in my boy uniform. How else could I stink it up?
Proud of myself for pulling another fast one I slipped over to Traci’s house. I walked right passed Dad while he grumbled about mowing the lawn. I told Traci about last night’s inquisition and how Dave is off limits. She laughed at first before the weight of it sunk in.
“We are fucked.”
“Thank you for your observation. Brace yourself because you are going to the dance with your boyfriend Friday night.”
“I, don’t have a boyfriend.”
My finger turns inward.
“You do now.”
I finally got a date with Traci a beautiful girl every guy will kill for. Big deal the last thing
I want is a girlfriend. At least I dodged another bullet. It is getting to a point where the walls are closing in. The laundry episode was a close call. Too close for comfort and I wondered how long I could keep this up.
Going to the dance did not bother Traci in the least. As she explained two girls showing up to a dance stag is no big deal. Guys cannot get away dancing with each other. It is another benefit of wearing skirts.
The good news is I managed to get through the next week without any close calls. Dr. Cox continued to act like she knew something I did not. Traci said she too suspected her mother was wise to something going on. Traci was also certain her mother had not figured it out just yet.
“You know Jeanette you better talk to my mom. She will help. She really likes you.”
“Traci I’d like to but my parents will freak.”
“They are going to find out sooner or later.”
We had too many conversations that went around the issue with me not ready to fess up. You dig a hole and keep on digging and you never get out of it.
I really wanted to join the school skating team but knew I could not. There is no way I could manage required practices getting home late in uniform. Traci and I talked about it but we could not figure out a way around a ride home. Her mom might pick me up. Be real at some point it would get old and my parents would get involved.
The other issue is the neighborhood. All of us guys live on Maple Street. Our houses are all lined up in a row. For almost four years Craig, Evan and I lived in each other’s houses. I have no idea what they said to their parents about my not coming around anymore. Thankfully, my parents were not buds of their’s. I sort of got the idea since I have not grown and those guys are into sports their parents assumed we went separate ways. I said I had not grown well I gained two inches. It is nothing compared to their reaching six foot. I see Craig and Evan’s parents around once in awhile we nod and keep walking.
As far as I know they believe I am a boy. That is how they always thought of me. As for Mr. and Mrs. Cox, I am a girl. Becky and Pam are a bit farther down the street and I assume her parents think I am a girl. It is a mess causing me to become neurotic. It is a good thing these people don’t talk to each other.
School is going well. I managed to keep my circle of friends rather tight. Becky is starting to attract more boys as is Pam. Traci and I are also beating them off with a stick. I don’t mind the attention. In fact I enjoy it. But our parents are clones all subscribing to the no date rule. I should say Pam, Traci and Becky’s parents set that rule. My parents don’t mind my dating they just don’t want me dating Dave. Come to think of it dad would be thrilled to see me bring home a girl. They are also getting troubled because I, don’t have any male friends. If they knew the truth they would freak out, over all the male friends I could have.
The girls bitch about their uniforms all the time. I like them because if it were like public school without uniforms. I could never keep up in the clothes department. It is bad enough I have to wash, dry and iron these things and hide them. Imagine hiding a stash of required popular girl clothes. Sooner than later I am going to crack.
Becky, Pam, Traci and I are sitting at our table. We had just finished the last in a series of first term final exams. All three of us did well we know. Becky is excited because her family is taking her to Hawaii for Christmas. Pam has an influx of grandparents from both sides descending at her household. School is out after the last class for three weeks.
“I, can’t believe we get three weeks off for Christmas. Craig and Evan only get two. I guess that is why our parents pay the big bucks.”
That is how I started my conversation off with that lame observation. The others look at me like I am totally out of touch.
“That is because of the parent conferences for the first three days of vacation.”
Pam says off handedly like I should know. Becky nods agreeing as does Traci.
“Didn’t your parents get their letter yet for their appointment? Mom is going in Monday dragging yours truly with her.”
Pam adds with a grimace. The other two chirp in with mine on Tuesday and I’m stuck on Monday as well.
My brows freeze in perpetual panic.
“They did not say anything to me. That is all I need.”
“It is not like you have to wear your uniform.”
Traci says then she adds more fuel to the fire.
“You can bluff your way through. You can do it.”
I consider for a moment making another fatalistic comment.
“All I have to do is announce the use of pronouns are not allowed at school meetings.”
They all laughed and why not wearing skirts for them is not a felony. Now I can sweat out the next three days trying to guess the date of my execution. It turns out it did not take that long.
Twenty minutes later, I am sitting in study hall when the teacher calls me.
“Jeanette you are wanted in the guidance office.”
I shake my head thinking ‘what does Mrs. Murray want now? I, don’t have time for skating. Perhaps they forgot to contact my parents and they are sending me home with a note. That’s it karma is smiling at me again.’
The secretary motions me to go right in. Mrs. Murray is talking to someone as she sits at her desk. My stomach suddenly knots up as I hear a familiar voice.
“Thank you for adjusting your schedule so you could see me today instead of next week Mrs. Murray.”
‘Shit, shit, shit it is my mother’s voice.’
“You should be proud of your daughter Mrs. Lafleur, she is a lovely, bright girl.”
This is where the ticks started I am sure of it. My mother turns to face me as I stand there in my sharply pressed skirt breasts enhancing starched oxford, and blue blazer. Her expression is beyond shock but there is no hint of panic. Did I tell you, she is a litigator used to surprises and hostile judges?
“Sit down dear,” my mother says. She pats the chair next to her. Mrs. Murray beams.
“You must be proud of Jeanette. She has scored all A’s for first term.”
Still no sign from mother as she answers.
“My husband and I could never be more proud. Jeanette is a fine young woman and an asset to our family.
That must have hurt mother forming the syllables to pronounce Jeanette.
Mrs. Murray turns toward me with a sickening smile.
“We have face to face meeting with each student’s parents at term end. We like to schedule at the beginning of the Christmas break and the last week of the second term. As it was convenient for your mother we thought, we could do this today. As you were in Study Hall, you can participate without missing class.”
Mrs. Murray was not quite finished as she broadened her smile.
“Your daughter has a beautiful name. Many take liberties as you have heard and call her Jeanette. You used it yourself so I assume you approve?”
Mother smiles sarcastically between ticks excusing them.
“I must have something in my eye. But you are correct Jean-Marie just loves the name Jeanette. Though, it is not her given name we have adopted it. She is such a lovely girl.”
I nodded a thank you thinking ‘I am so dead. Mom do you like how good I look in my uniform?’ I also took note mom’s use of she sounded more like a hiss.
Mrs. Murray continued.
“As a reward Jeanette you are excused from school the remainder of the day. Your mother has a treat for you.”
‘I am sure she does. Mom do you like the fit of my uniform? Do you like how the gray wool compliments my complexion?’ I imagined my mother grabbing my ear while dragging me across the parking lot screaming, “look at the fruit.” It did not happen. Mom is really holding it together but I sense cracks.
“You look pretty Jeanette.”
My mother’s simple statement wreaked of acid. Especially as she enunciated my name, Jeanette. I nodded as I swung my legs into the car. She caught that too and could not resist commenting.
“How long did it take you to perfect that move? You have it perfected.”
I stared forward through the windshield afraid to glance in her direction.
“I could handle it if you were doing pot. But this! Dressing like a fruit and going out with another gay guy. It is too much.”
The car shook as she applied an iron grip on the wheel. I kept my mouth shut.
“Emily Cox drives you to school everyday dressed like this. Traci and you must think we are fools. Do you know how embarrassed we are? Our son dresses up like a girl. Goes to school pretending to be a girl. My law partners will go crazy. I will never be able to face them again.”
She went on an on until we entered the driveway. I opened the car door set to run. But out of the blue my father blocked my escape. ‘Shit’
In the living room I noticed an empty can of Molson. Dad only drinks beer when Montreal is playing on TV. Here in Texas that does not happen often. This is bad he opened another as he started talking.
“We can safely say your friend David is not gay. He may be a dupe but he is not gay.”
He gives me the once over taking another sip of beer.
“You are a looker I cannot blame the guy.”
Dad takes another sip and begins laughing.
Mom looks horrified she is about to erupt. Fortunately the ticks startup and no words come out. I take off my blazer revealing my prominent chest.
“Before you go on, consider this.”
I point at my chest but before I can continue, mom starts in again about being embarrassed. Then I fire back.
“Embarrassed, because I go to school dressed like a girl. Mom take a look I am a girl. You two are the only ones who don’t know it.”
Dad’s laughter grows louder until mom stares at him coldly. That’s when he yells.
“You are grounded, forever.”
Mom starts in about home schooling when I interrupt her.
“This is December. I am on my third period. Please tell me how either of you can look at me and say I am a boy.’
There was no acknowledgement from mom when I said three periods. What, she did not hear that? Or is it a case she did not want to?
The tirade went on for some time without me saying a word. I was too busy crying while my father kept calling me a girl. Mom is now sitting her ticks growing larger. Her mouth is still moving but dad is the only one with a voice. He opens another Molson, his third I found out later.
‘How is this my fault? They are the adults who flunked biology. I know wise ass remarks are not going to help. But truthfully wise ass remarks are all that come to mind. I do the only thing a hormonal teen girl can do. I run as fast as I can to my room. Slam the door and lock it.
“You are grounded until age eighteen.”
Those were the last words I hear from dad while mother threatened home schooling again.
So dear reader my tale of woe has reached the present time. I told you, how I came to this place. Like you, I have no idea what is going to happen next. Like you, I have no idea how I got into this mess. Was it those aliens and their computer games that changed me?
Craig and Evan are sure of it. There is no way I will bring that up. I do not need Homeland Security paying me a visit.
Then again Dr. Cox believes I was born a girl and never had a monster in the first place. Was I born both and the little guy shrunk away because of the meds? I, don’t know and I, don’t care. I like who I am and how I look.
The calls from downstairs go unanswered. I am not going to be berated anymore I need help. With dread, I punch out the digits on my cell.
“Doctor Cox.”
“Yes honey.”
“Can you come over I really need some help?”
There is a short pause before she answers.
“Let me guess your parents discovered Jeanette. Traci told me about the surprise meeting at school. They really thought you were a boy?”
With a catch in my voice I nod yes before thinking ‘speak fool.’
“Yes, it worse than that. They think I am a gay boy.”
I then lost it and started crying. Emily Cox steadied my nerves with her gentle voice.
“I suspected that for some time but did not say anything to them because I thought it was my imagination. I did not think anyone could see the beautiful girl I see and think she could be a boy. Honey things have been coming together and I was certain at the cookout. Everything will work out. Fix your hair and pretty yourself up. Stay in your room. I will be right over.”
So here I sit freaking out at my vanity. Thanks to Traci, I learned how to apply makeup. I did not tell you that because it was an unimportant thing. I did my lashes and thought better about lipstick. I do not want to freak them out too much. ‘What to wear? Not the school uniform that is not right. ‘Oh shit mom must have found the tampons. My drawer is open and they are in plain sight.’
I fish out my chocolate wrap around skirt. After snuggling it around my waist over a half slip, I put on my cream colored camisole. How many choices do I have? I bet mom will freak more than she has when she finds out how many clothes I need. That is if I live through this. As I rummage through my vanity drawer looking for those clip on earrings I thought I heard Dr. Cox’s voice. I put my ear against the door.
“Simone, Claude calm down. Jean-Marie never lied to you. I did not know until she called that you thought she was boy. Everybody in the neighborhood thinks she is a girl. I have always known she is a girl.”
I could hear my parents shouting their denial insisting I was boy. But Emily Cox remained calm.
“Here are the prints from the MRI we did last week. You can see Jeanette was not lying to you. Didn’t you listen when I told you expect spotting that her time was near? Your son never pretended to be a girl. Jean-Marie was afraid to hurt you, by telling you, he is a girl. You have a wonderful daughter I am proud of. You should be as well.”
All I could hear after that was crying. I, don’t know who was crying. I also thought I heard another Molson can pop open. That cannot be good. I am not sure how I will like home schooling and not being allowed to see Traci, Pam or Becky again. I doubt mom will be easy to get along with after I axed her career.
Just when I started liking school and had some solid friends things get screwed up. Then I heard it, the voice of my father.
“Jeanette would you please come downstairs. Doctor Cox would like to speak with you. Your parents would like to meet their daughter.”
I looked in the mirror startled at what I heard. I unlocked the door almost afraid to step out into the hall. The long descent down those stairs seemed like an eternity. I saw Dr. Cox standing there and rushed to her. She wrapped her arms around me as my parents stood awe struck.
Dad put down his Molson gaping. Here I stood feeling pretty as Dad continued to gape.
“How could I ever mistake you for a boy?”
There was a tear in his eye. Mother’s tick finally settled down as she smiled.
“Emily confirms you had your first period in September. You managed it ok?”
I giggled nodding.
“With Traci’s help.”
Doctor Cox raised her brow.
“That is where my box of tampons went.”
We all laughed at that. When I suddenly grew braver.
“Mom Dave is not queer. He has a crush on me.”
I then opened my mouth.
“Now that you know you have a daughter will you change my name? No hyphen, first name Jeanette.”
I turned to Doctor Cox.
“Middle name, Emily.”
Needless to say home schooling did not happen as I continued attending Exeter. Mom found out how much money a teenage girl cost on our first shopping trip. I still do the laundry and cook. Dad still has a distaste in his mouth for Dave. I heard him mumbling about Dave the other night. We had gone to a dance and when he brought me home his arms were wrapped around my waist. The kiss was amazing and I wanted more. The front door opened with dad saying “good night Dave.”
As I went up the stairs I heard father speaking to mother.
“I liked that boy better when I thought he was gay. I am still not used to Evan showing up all the time with that lost expression.”
Mom replied,
“Get used to it dear. There are many more where they came from. She is going to a dance with Evan next week.”
I, don’t know what will happen next anymore than how I ended up this way. Evan, who wants to go steady me claims I am supposed to. He keeps saying the game got it wrong. Saris loved Troy not Raul. He tried to tell me Troy is always the hero in games. Whoever heard of a hero named Raul? According to wiki the game was an intergalactic plot. Evan is certain that’s what did it.
I asked Emily Cox if taking those hormones could have changed me. She is a doctor. She told me taking those hormones could have caused breasts to grow. Hormones will not alter genes. They cannot turn a y to an x or the other way around.
“Honey you were born a girl.”
Her answer is certainly easier to accept. I have the nagging suspicion the movies are right, you can’t trust aliens. So dear reader you are going to have to go with the answer you like. Because I, don’t have a clue.