Jessica’s Journey

Sequel to Andrews Dilemma

By, Cain129

Part One

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

 

Chapter 1

 

After giving the police my statement, I was finally allowed to go home. I made it home, but I was an emotional wreck. Watching my father die in my arms had done something to me. Having hated the man for most of my life, I should have been glad to see him gone. Still, there was this part of me that loved him and his dying words had affected me. Why did it take him dying before he could admit he was wrong?

In the end, I believe that he finally accepted me as his daughter. I’m sure the police had already told my mother that he was dead, and I wondered how she had taken the news. I hand’t lied to my father; I knew that my mother still loved him. How else could they have stayed together for all those years?

I was reluctant to see her, but I knew that it was something that I had to do. Even though I was being adopted by Janice and Anthony, she had been the one that gave birth to me and she shouldn't’t have to go through something like this all alone.

Last night had been the hardest night that I’d ever had. I cried myself to sleep, but kept waking up, reliving the events over and over again. I knew that I was not going to get through this alone. I needed help to deal with all that had happened. I felt as if I was hanging by a thread that would eventually snap.

I looked over at the clock. It was only 5am, but I slowly dragged myself out of bed, turned on the lights and made my way over to the bathroom. As I passed the mirror, I took a look, and what I saw looking back was frightening. I looked terrible. My hair looked like it had been styled by an army of angry squirrels, my eyes were blood shot, and I badly needed a bath.

After filling up the bathtub, I removed my clothes, chucked them in the laundry basket, climbed into the tub and just relaxed. The water was a little to hot but not enough for me to bother getting out.     I laid there soaking for about an hour, then pulled the plug and climbed out.

I spent the next 30 minutes getting dressed and doing my makeup, I was’t planning on sitting around the house feeling sorry for myself. I looked at the clock, and noticed

It was still early. I would probably be the only one up for at least an hour.   I went into the kitchen, put on a pot of coffee, then clicked the power button on the radio and took a seat at the kitchen table, waiting for the coffee to brew. I was’t normally a big fan of coffee, but I needed something to help kick start the day.

Once the coffee was finished, I poured myself a cup and put some milk and sugar in to get rid of the bitterness.   I was pretty much lost in thought when Mom came into the kitchen. She gave me a small smile, then came over, wrapped her arms around me and kissed me. It felt so good to be held by her.

“How are you doing, sweetie?” She asked, walking over and pouring herself a cup of coffee

“I’ve had better days.” I admitted with a frown.

“Give it time, baby. Your father and I probably should’t have let them take you.” Mom said with regret.

“It’s not your fault, Mom, I had to do this, it was the only way to put an end to it. I just wished it would have ended differently.” I said, as a tear ran down my cheek.

“So do I, sweetheart.”

“I just don’t understand, why? Mom, there was no reason for him to kill himself.”

“Your father was a very sick man, Jessica.” Mom pointed out sadly.

“Yeah, but towards the end, things seemed to change. He was like he used to be towards me and I think he finally accepted me as his daughter. I saw a side of him that I hand’t seen in years, and then he does something stupid and kills himself. WHY?” I cried, angrily.

“I can’t answer that question, baby. It’s one of those questions you may never find the answer to. All I can tell you is that in time, it will get easier.” Mom said, wrapping her arms around me.

“Why is life so complicated?” I asked with a sigh.

“That’s a good question.” Mom said, smiling.

After finishing my coffee, I gave Mom a hand making breakfast. As I placed the bread in the toaster, I turned to her. “Can you give me a drive to the hospital, later?”

“Why, honey? I kind of thought you would be staying home today.” Mom asked

“I have to talk to my birth mother.” I told her, sadly.

“Are you sure that’s a good idea, Jessica?”

“I have no idea, Mom, but it’s something that I have to do. I’m all she has left now, and she’s going to need me, now more then ever.”

“Alright, honey, but if it gets to be too much for you to handle, you can call me and I will come get you,” she suggested.

“I think it would be a good idea for me to see Dr. Humphrey too, Mom.”

“All right baby. I’ll give her a call and see if she can squeeze you in.”

“Thanks, Mom. I don’t know what I would do without you.” I said, giving her a hug.

 

  [-][+][-]

 

When Mom and I finished making breakfast, she went upstairs to get Dad and Megan out of bed.   While she was doing that, I finished setting the table. It didn’t take very long before everyone started pouring into the kitchen.

I could tell that Megan and Dad were worried about me. They came over, gave me a hug and told me when I was ready to talk that they were ready to listen. I did my best to hold things together and was thankful that neither one of them pushed me about what happened. Eventually I would talk to them about it, but this wasn’t the time.   

After Megan headed off to school and Dad headed off to work, it was pretty much just Mom and I at home. I gave her a hand cleaning up and doing the dishes. When we finished, she went upstairs to get dressed so she could drop me off at the hospital.

 

 

Chapter 2

 

The drive to the hospital was not an easy one. Part of me just wanted to go home and climb back into bed, rather then deal with everything that had happened. I knew that this was something that I needed to do, though.

“How are you doing, baby?” Mom asked.

“All right I guess, though part of me just wants to go home and hide from the world.” I admitted.

“You know you don’t have to do this right now, don’t you?”

I know Mom, and with everything that has happened, I have a good excuse not to. I think she’s going to need me right now, and even with everything that she has done to me. I just can’t walk away. It’s not who I am.” I said with a frown.

“Well, give me a call when you’re ready, and I’ll pick you up.” Mom said.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After Mom dropped me off I made my way inside, and headed over to the information desk. I told the lady who I was and asked her for directions to my mother’s room, then headed over to the elevator and clicked the button for the 7^th floor. I was feeling pretty edgy as the elevator neared her floor. Soon the elevator reached its destination, but I still had a long walk still ahead of me. I eventually found the doors to psychiatric ward were locked to provide security. I had to ring a buzzer and wait for someone to be let inside.

Eventually I was met by a nurse who opened the door for me.   “Hello, can I help you?” asked the nurse.

“Hi, my name is Jessica Roberts, and I am here to see my mother, I know that it’s not the right time for visitors, but I really need to see her regarding her husband and my father.” I said sadly

“Come on inside, I’ll call her doctor, he’ll want to talk to you first.” The nurse said, and I followed her inside. She eventually took me to a waiting room and told me to wait and Dr. Robbins would come in shortly.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

There was this part of me that just wanted to leave but I forced myself to stay put. I waited for about 1o minutes before a man in a white coat came through the door, it looked to be in his late forties.   I figured that it had to be Dr. Robbins, as he entered the room he said. “Jessica Roberts”

I smiled. “Yes, that’s me.”

“What’s going on here, part of my job is to check patient files for relatives and Sarah has no daughter.” Dr. Robbins said plainly.

I looked at Dr. Robbins, “Your records are out of date, I used to be Andrew Roberts, but as you can see that isn’t who I am now.”

He looked at me, surprised. “Are you saying you’re a transsexual?”              

“What I am is not really any of your business, but if you must know I had a medical condition that was misdiagnosed and spent the last 16 years living as a boy, but as you can see that has been corrected. My father is dead and my mother is alone. Rather than discussing my medical issues, let’s discuss what can be done to help her.” I said a little irritated.

“All right Jessica, I am sorry for the misunderstanding. The police came last night and we broke the news to your mother. She is not doing very well his death hit her pretty hard. How are you taking things?” He asked me, looking concerned

“Not too good, he died in my arms. My step mother is trying to get me in to see Dr. Humphrey, and she’s the doctor that I have been seeing.”

“I would imagine that under the circumstances she will squeeze you in.” Dr. Robbins said reassuringly.

“Normally we wouldn’t allow visitors at this time of morning but under the circumstance I think that we can make an exception and I think it will do your mother some good having a visit from you.” Dr. Robbins said

“It’s hard being around her with everything that has happened in our past.   I’m really all she has left and I can’t walk away from her, at least not at this time. Now, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure Jessica, what is it?”

“How is my mother really doing and do you think she is serious about wanting to change? I have to know, because she was abusive towards me. I really don’t want to waste my time on her if this is all an act.”

“I shouldn’t be discussing this with you, but I think that it might be beneficial for both of you. I’ve been working with your mother now for close to a month. We have spoken about what happened with her father and what happened between you and her. I really do believe that she is serious about wanting to change, but you cannot expect it to happen overnight. She has been hiding for most of her life from a serious trauma. This has become a way of survival for her.   If you are asking me if, in my opinion, it is worth trying to trust her, I would have to say that I believe she feels guilty for what she did to you, and would do anything if it meant having you in her life.”

After taking in what Dr. Robbins had said, I turned to him.

“I’m willing to give it a shot, but a mother/daughter relationship is, at least for now, too painful. I have new parents that love and support me and I’m not willing to give that up. I will try to be here for her, and perhaps in time we can work things out. Thank you for your honest input, I needed to hear it from someone who knows the truth.”

“It’s not a problem, Jessica. Now, if you’re ready, I will take you to your mother.” Dr. Robbins said with a smile.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Dr. Robbins and I walked down a long hallway till we reached a door with Mom’s name on it. He turned to me. “I will leave you here. If you need me, just ask for one of the nurses.”

I watched him head down the hall, and then lightly tapped on the door.   I heard Mom’s voice telling me to come inside. I slowly opened the door. The first thing that I noticed was how dark the room was.   I slowly reached over by the door and turned on the lights. I noticed that her eyes were as bloodshot as mine had been. She looked over at me with a surprised expression.

“Jessica, you came!” and before I knew what was happening, I found her arms around me as she broke down crying.

I helped her over to the bed and just held her. This wasn’t the woman that I remembered.

“It’s all right, Mom. I’m here; you don’t have to go through this all alone.” I said as I started crying myself.

After Mom and I calmed down, she turned to me.

“Are you alright, honey? The police officers told me what happened. I was so worried about you! I wanted to call you, but I didn’t know if you would want to hear from me.” Mom said, sadly.

“It’s alright, Mom. You could have called, but I understand why you didn’t. I’m not doing well at all,” I admitted, crying. “I’m barely holding it together. He died in my arms, Mom, but he wasn’t the monster anymore. He was like he was before he started drinking again.”

“He treated me like I was his daughter, and said he was sorry for everything. I just wish it didn’t take him dying before he could say those words to me.”

Mom wrapped her arms around me as I let my feelings out.

“It’s all right, honey,” she said softly. “It’s just going to take us time to get over this.”

“I just don’t understand! Why?” I wailed. “He didn’t have to die, Mom. None of this makes any sense to me.”

Mom looked at me. “I don’t know what to tell you, honey. You know your father was an alcoholic, and he had his own ways. He blamed everyone else for his problems, you know this better then anyone. He treated you terribly, Jessica, and I wasn’t any better. Honey, I was too messed up with my own problems to pay attention to what you were going through. I’m your mother, and it was my job to protect you. I was too afraid, I couldn’t even do that. I am so sorry Jessica, please forgive me. I was as much a monster as your father ever was.” Mom admitted as she broke down in tears.

“I forgive you, Mom. I didn’t understand before, but I do now.” I rocked her in my arms. “Let’s just leave the past behind us. I think both of us have been living in the past long enough.”

“Thank you, Jessica. You don’t know how much that means to me.” Mom said, as she tried to get control of herself.

“So what are you going to do now, Mom?”

“To be honest, I’m not sure, but I think I’m going to sell the house. There are just too many memories there.”

“I think that’s a good idea, Mom. Maybe you should look into getting a smaller two bedroom place.” I said, smiling.

Mom looked at me, “You’re not saying what I think you’re saying?”

“Mom, I can’t forget what happened between us, but I think I can forgive you in time. For now, my plans haven’t changed. I think it’s best for both of us if I’m adopted by the Tanners.   I’m happy there, and I know that it’s the right decision for now, but it doesn’t mean that I have to cut you out of my life.   I want a relationship with you Mom, and maybe in time the two of us can be more. I really don’t know what the future holds. I’m willing to try if you are.”

Mom looked at me. “I am willing to try and I think you’re right, as much as I dislike it. The Tanners are good people and they will care for you while I deal with my own issues.”

“Do you have any idea when you will be discharged, Mom?”

“I was supposed to go home next week, but I really don’t know if I am ready to return to an empty house. I know that I have to get everything packed. I’ll be staying with your Aunt Janet for awhile, and then I guess that I will be looking into finding my own place.” Mom said.

“Call me when you’re ready to start packing, Mom. I’ll come over and give you a hand, there’s no reason you have to deal with that alone.   As far as Dad’s funeral, I’m not sure what to do about that. His family will be there and I don’t think they’re going to be happy to see me.”

“They can go straight to hell!” Mom said, angrily. “Whether they like it or not, you are his daughter. You have every right to be there. Your father created his own problems, and if they don’t like it, that’s their problem.”  

I smiled, I had never seen my mother cursing like that and I had to admit that I liked what I was seeing. She had changed so much since coming into the hospital and I had to admit to myself I was proud of her.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Mom and I talked for another hour, and then I told her that I had better be going. It was nice to have talked with her, but I was concerned that I still needed to talk to someone to help me deal with the pain that I was going through. I told her she could call me anytime she wanted to talk and gave her my cell phone number. Before I left I gave her a hug and kiss.

As I left the ward, I called Janice and asked her to pick me up and told her I would be waiting outside of the main entrance.

 

[-][+][-]

 

As I waited outside I thought about my life and where I was going from here. Like anyone else I had my dreams but I think that everything that had happened over the past few months had changed me. When I looked at Megan and Jennifer, they were happy go lucky teenage girls and to be honest I didn’t feel like that. I wished that I did because like would be a lot easier but somehow, it felt like I had grown up and was starting to see life from an adults point of view.

I had everything that I ever wanted now but it still didn’t seem like enough. There was always this part of me that wanted more.

I should be happy with being a girl. It was all I had ever wished for, but it wasn’t enough and that scared me. The problem with trying to take your own life once, it proves that you can do it again and that scared me. The day I tried to take my life, I just didn’t wake up and say I was going to kill myself, something inside me snapped and I was afraid that it could happen again.

When you’re in that kind of pain, you aren’t thinking rationally and the scary part is you don’t even see it coming. One minute you’re alright and your world seems perfect, then boom, it happens and you crash. Most people who haven’t been there wouldn’t understand it, but those who have understand just how quickly something like that can hit you.

That’s what scared me right now. I knew that it wouldn’t take too much to put me over the edge. I was in so much emotional pain from everything that happened, and I just wanted to be at peace, even if it was just for short while. I knew the only way to get over something like this was to stop running and face the pain.   that was easier said then done. I knew that the best thing that I could do at the moment was to keep busy and talk things out.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Chapter 3

 
 

I waited for about 30 minutes, then Mom pulled up and I climbed in beside her.

“How did it go Jessica?” She asked, seeing that I was still hurting.

“All right, I guess. She took it pretty hard, as I expected, and the two of us had a good cry together.”

“Well, it’s good that the two of you are able to talk about it. At least I know that you aren’t holding the pain inside, like before.” Mom said with a smile.

“Any news from Dr. Humphrey’s office?” I asked.

“I called the office, but she is out of town until tomorrow. She hadn’t planned to see any patients tomorrow, but the receptionist called her and told her what had happened, so she is going to squeeze you in tomorrow morning at 10 o’clock.” Mom said with a reassuring smile.

“Good, I think I need to talk to her before I completely loose it.” I said softly.

“I know that I shouldn’t, but I can give you something that might help calm your nerves for a bit.” Mom said as she put the car into drive.

While Mom drove, I looked out the window and noticed that she was not driving towards home.

“Where are we going, Mom?” I asked.

“I don’t see the use in us going back to the house, just so you can mope in your room. It’s about time you met your new grand parents.” Mom said with a smile.

“Mom, I really don’t think that I would be very good company today.” I said sadly.

“That’s nonsense, Jessica.” Mom said with a smile. “Besides there is something I wanted to show you.”   

“All right, Mom, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” I said as I moped in my sadness.

While Mom drove, I went back to watching the scenery. I could see that we were leaving the city and heading into the country and to be quite honest I was slightly pissed with being dragged out here, when all I really wanted was time to myself. I was starting to see that once mom made up her mind, there was no telling her otherwise. I had remembered Megan telling me this before, but I’d just shrugged it off.   I was now seeing exactly what she meant.

Don’t get me wrong, I was grateful for having her in my life. She had given me so much, and I was grateful. There were times that she seemed a bit “over protective” when it came to me. Maybe even more so then she was when it came to Megan. I think perhaps she was this way because of everything that I had been through and she was afraid I would have a relapse. Maybe she had good reason to worry, especially considering the way I’ve been feeling lately. I couldn’t fault her because she truly cared about me, and I had never really had someone like her. Even my real mother and I had never really had a close relationship, not like Janice and I have.

So maybe the problem wasn’t Janice, maybe I was the problem. I had changed a lot since I accepted who I was, but in many other ways I was still that scared little boy that I used to be. The one that felt so alone and unloved. I knew that it was all crap, because I had people that cared about me now. In many ways, I was my own worst enemy, and that was something I really needed to work on.

It was at that minute that my cell phone started ringing.   When I looked at the call display I saw that it was Amy. It was funny how almost every time my life started to spiral out of control, she always seemed to show up or call.

“Hello,” I said as I answered the phone.

“Hi sis, I thought I’d give you a call to see how you were doing, and if we were still getting together on Saturday”, Amy said cheerfully

“I really don’t think that I would be very good company, Amy.”

“What’s wrong Jessica?” Amy asked.

I spent the next ten minutes explaining what had happened.   By the time I was finished, she was pretty pissed off.   It bothered her that no one had called her to let her know, but she reasoned that everyone must have been a pile of nerves and just not thinking clearly.

“Jessica, I’d still like to get together if you feel up to it. We were going to spend the weekend camping, and maybe getting away from everything, would do you some good.”

I thought about it. Maybe getting away for the weekend would be a good idea. If I stayed home, all I would be doing is moping around the house like Mom said.

“Amy, I’ll have to talk it over with Mom, but I’ll give you a call back later today, all right?”

“Alright, call me later!” Amy said and ended the call.

“That was Amy, she asked me to go camping with her and Tara.”

“Do you want to go?” Mom asked.

“I think so, maybe some getting away for the weekend will help.” I said, thoughtfully.

“Well, if you want to go, I am fine with it. I’m sure that as long as Amy is with you, I have nothing to worry about.” Mom said smiling.

“Maybe Scotty might want to come.” I said, thinking aloud.

“I don’t know if that is a good idea, honey.” Mom said sounding worried

“It’s alright Mom, we can’t do anything anyway, I am still healing down below.” I said with a smile, knowing that was what was worrying her. “Besides, when I do make love to a man, I want it to mean something.”

Mom smiled.” So you were listening to me, the day we had that talk.”

“I always listen to you Mom, unfortunately you seem to be always right.” I said with a smile.

“Years of experience honey, someday you will be having that same talk with your daughter.” Mom said with a smile.

“I only hope to have a family of my own someday, but the thought of bringing a child into the world scares the hell out of me.”

“Why does it scare you?” mom asked

“I guess mostly because of how I was brought up. I don’t want to end up like my birth mother. She never planned to hurt me the way that she did, she was just messed up emotionally, just like me.” I said, sadly.

“You don’t have to end up like your mother, Jessica. There is a big difference between the two of you, and the fact that you can see how messed up you are means you can do something about it.   It’s your choice, it always has been.” Mom said with a smile.

 

[-][+][-]

 

I thought about what Mom had said. She was right, ever since leaving the hospital and moving in with the Tanners, I’d been the one making most of the decisions.

The biggest one had been to embrace who I really was inside and finding the strength to continue living. Before that day I had been running or hiding, unable to make those choices because I had been consumed by fear.

The past was a painful place and many of those memories and emotions were still pretty close to the surface. I had to be careful not to dwell on them, those thoughts were like poison to me and would only tear down everything that I had accomplished. The life that I have now had its ups and downs but it was my life. I had chosen this, even though the cost had been high.

I couldn’t help but grieve for the loss of my father. The man was an abusive drunk but he wasn’t always that way. In the end, the abusive monster had left and the man that I had loved returned. That was who I was grieving for, not the monster that had made my life a living hell.

Yes, I would get over this in time. I needed to deal with my pain, and not let it consume me. I would accept the help I needed, and I would move forward. There was no other way around it.

I took out my phone, looked at the time, then called Amy.

“Hi Amy, it’s me. I just talked to Mom and it looks like I’ll be joining you and Tara this weekend. I was wondering though, would you mind if Scotty joined us?”

“It’s fine with us, but I’m surprised your Mom gave her approval!”   Amy said.

“She was a little worried about him joining us, but I told her that the two of us were not going to do anything. Even if I could, medically I am not ready for something like that.”

“Well, like I said, it’s fine with us, Jessica. How are we going to do this, are you and Scotty driving up with Tara and I, or will you be following us up in Scotty’s car?.”

“I still have to call him, but once I know I’ll give you a call back. I’d imagine he would want to drive there himself. It might be a good idea to have the two cars anyway. Just in case one breaks down, we won’t be stuck out in the middle of nowhere.” I said.

“Alright, Jessica. Give me a call back once you know. I’ll talk to you later, love you sis.” Amy said ending the call.

 

[-][+][-]

 

It was too early to call Scotty. I’d have to wait until around noon time. He’d be in the cafeteria around then.

“Are you looking forward to the weekend?” Mom asked me.

“Yeah, I think it’ll be good for me to just get away from everything.” I said with a smile.

“I think you’re right, baby. With everything that has happened, it will do you some good to find a place you can relax. Just make sure you have your cell phone with you and make sure you charge it up during the ride.” Mom said.

“I will Mom, but you have nothing to worry about. I’ll have Amy, Tara and Scotty with me there.” I said, relaxing.

“A mother always worries. You could be married and have a family of your own, and I will still worry about you. It’s all part of being a mother. It’s not something that you can just turn off. When you have a family of your own, it will be the same for you, honey.” Mom told me with a confident smile.

 

[-][+][-]

 

<

Chapter 4

 

I had no idea that Mom’s parents lived so far out of town, but after 45 minutes of driving we pulled into a town called Buckingham. It was a small town compared to where we lived and I wondered what it was like for Mom, growing up here. I was sure that there had to be things to do here, but nothing compared to living in a big city. Eventually, we came to a turn off.

Mom turned and followed a pretty battered road that was in need of a serious facelift. We continued driving for another 15 minutes before we came to a farm. There were lots of cows in a pasture, and further up you could see a few large barns that had a large fence around them. I could see some horses walking around, and I was enchanted. I had never seen horses up close.

“Quite the place, isn’t it, baby?” Mom said with a smile that said she was home.

“It’s pretty cool, though I think I would go crazy living out here.”

“I grew up here, Jessica. It’s really not that bad, there are lots of things you can do. Give it a chance, looks can be deceiving.”

Eventually we reached the main house. Mom parked her car and the two of us climbed out. I found myself looking around. I liked the calmness of the place. Unlike living in the city there wasn’t a lot of noise other than from the animals. I would imagine that a person could get used to that pretty fast.

As Mom and I approached the front door, we were met by an older version of Mom. It was easy to tell that they were mother and daughter.   She made her way outside, met us on the step and gave Janice a hug.

“My, it’s good to see you, honey.” She then turned to me. “And you must be my new granddaughter!” She surprised me with a hug. “I’m glad to finally get to meet you honey, Janice has been telling me all about you.” She said, taking my hand and leading me inside the house. As I looked down I could see her hand looked pretty deformed.

When she noticed me staring, she smiled. “I hurt it in a car accident, honey. I was lucky that was all that was damaged other then some cuts and bruises.”

“It looks painful,” I said as I lessened my grip on her hand.

“It can be, honey, but I’m used to it now.” She said

 

[-][+][-]

 

“Lets head into the kitchen and I’ll put some coffee on.” Grandma said. As we walked through the living room, I noticed in the corner there was a beautiful baby grand piano. Grandma saw me staring at it, “Do you play, Jessica?”

“Yes, do you mind if I...?” I asked

“Sure, go ahead.” Grandma said with a smile. I walked over to it. It was a real beauty. I took a seat and started playing a Miley Cyrus song called, “The Climb.” I was just playing the song when Mom asked, “Honey, do you know the words?”

I nodded, and started singing the lyrics to the song as I played.

As I played the song I thought about the journey that I’d taken to get to where I was at this moment and thought how poignant the words to this song were to my own life, and the struggles that I had gone through to get to where I am right now. It had truly been an uphill battle. I felt that it was worth it, but there had been so many obstacles along the way. As I sang the song I became lost in the music and relaxed for the first time since my father’s death.

When I finished, I could see that Grandma hadn’t expected to hear what she had just heard. I knew she was aware of what I had gone through, Mom had told both of her parents about me, and that I had lived most of my life as a boy.

“That was amazing, Jessica. You have such a beautiful voice and you play very well.” Grandma said with a smile.

“Thanks, Grandma. I have always loved playing and singing.”

“Well, you definitely have a gift for it.” Grandma said, as the three of us made our way into the kitchen.

After everyone was seated, Mom turned to Grandma.

“Where’s Dad hiding out?”

“Likely in the barn, one of the horses recently had a baby and the mother didn’t make it. It looks like the poor foal may not make it, either.” Grandma said frowning

“That’s a shame.” Mom said.

“We’ve been having a hard time getting her to eat anything and when we do it’s always a fight. It just doesn’t seem to like being held.” Grandma said, tiredly.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After sitting for awhile in the kitchen, we decided to pay Granddad a visit. I was kind of nervous as we went inside the barn, but seeing all the horses up close was exciting. The horses seemed pretty friendly as they approached me from their stalls. There was the one big black one that came close enough that I was able to pat him. When he made a grunting noise, it kind of scared me and I took a step back, causing Mom and Grandma to laugh.

“Don’t worry, Jessica, he likes you.” Grandma said with a smile.

“What’s his name?” I asked.

“His name is Donald.” Grandma said

“That’s a funny name for a horse!” I said with a smile.

“He was named after my brother, who was also a horse’s arse.” Grandma said with a big smile.

Hearing Grandma say that caused Mom to giggle. I really don’t know him, but hearing those words come from her mouth made me giggle too.

After leaving Donald, we made our way to the back of the barn until I saw someone who I guessed was Grandpa. As we joined him he smiled.

“You must be Jessica. It’s nice to finally meet you. Janice has told us all about you, although I find it hard to believe that you were ever mistaken for a boy.

I smiled. “I was kind of a late bloomer, and I had a few extra parts that kind of made it hard for the doctors to tell without doing x-rays. But I always knew that I was a girl.” I said with a smile.

“Quite a pretty one at that.” Grandpa said, making me blush.

“How’s the baby doing?” Janice asked her father

“Not good. She has barely touched the bottle and what she has taking isn’t enough.” Grandpa said with a frown.

I walked over next to grandpa to get a better look at the horse she was adorable but also a little scared as she backed away, I got down on my knees and turn to grandpa,” does she have a name?”

“Not yet honey, do you have any ideas?” asked grandpa

I smiled, “How about Beauty?”

Grandpa smiled, “that’s a good name.”

“Hi Beauty I said with a smile.”

Come here, little one, it’s all right.” I said, softly. I held my hand out to the pretty little horse.

At first it just stared at me, and then cautiously began to move closer.

“That’s it, Beauty I’m not going to hurt you.” I said as it came close enough that I was able to touch it. “Hi sweetie” I said as it start rubbing its head against my hand.

After it started to relax around me, I slowly reached for the bottle. Once I had it in

My hand, I didn’t think she would take it from me but I figured it was worth a shot. When I tried at first the horse turned its head away, then I tried again and it still didn’t work.

Grandpa smiled, “It’s not just you honey, your grandma and I have both tried but she is as stubborn as a mule.”

“You got to eat beauty I said patting her, which she seem to enjoy as she bummed into me causing me to fall over.”

As I sat up she surprised me as she lay down next to me and placed he head down over my legs and just stayed there and let me pat her.

“It looks like Jessica has a way with animals.” Grandpa said

“Here Jessica” grandpa said handing me the bottle. “She might take the bottle now.” Grandpa said with a smile.

This time she took bottle as I held it.” There you go baby”, I said as I patted her across the neck with my other hand.

“Damn, look at that.” Grandpa said smiling

“I think Jessica has made a new friend grandma”, said smiling.

It was also at the moment I heard a clicking and turn and found mom was taking a few pictures of Beauty and me.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After I finished feeding the colt, we all headed into the house. Grandma and Mom went into the kitchen to make lunch, leaving me alone with grandpa.

Grandpa looked over at me and smiled, “You’re not what I expected.” He said

“What did you expect?” I asked him

“When Janice first told us about you, she said that you were transgender, and to be honest we had no idea what that was until Janice explained it to us. When I look at you now, I see a beautiful young lady. I just can’t fathom how anyone could have mistaken you for a boy.”

“I never really was transgender, Grandpa. I was always a girl. It was just a medical condition that made it look like I was a boy. The parts inside were always female.”

I smiled and took a picture out of my purse and handed it to him. The picture was taken a year ago. At that point I was starting to develop as a girl and didn’t really know it at the time.   I kept the picture to show how I used to be, and when I was feeling down, I would take it out and be thankful that I didn’t have to pretend to be him anymore.

Grandpa looked at the old picture of me. “I see a girl that just hasn’t started to develop into a woman yet, but I have to say you look much better now then you did then.”

I smiled. “Thanks, I feel much better these days, at least as far as my appearance goes. It’s the other things in my life that I have a harder time with.” I said.

“What are the other things?”   Grandpa said, sounding interested.

“People, mostly. I grew up as a boy and most of my experience has been from that perspective. I always knew deep down that I was a girl, but I’ve never been allowed to explore that side of me, at least not until recently. My Dad tried to teach me what is expected to be a boy, and I couldn’t do that, but no one has really taught me what to expect as a girl. I feel like I’m dogpaddling upstream, doing my best to learn as I go.”

“Jessica, I understand what you are saying, and I wish that knew what to say to make things easier for you, but like yourself this is all new to me.”

“I’m an old man and I am sure there were people with issues like you around when I was your age but in my time things were different people were less tolerant and even though you really were a girl the whole time there still would have been people that treated you harshly. “

“The only advice I can give you Jessica, is to be yourself and stop beating yourself up. Everyone goes through a period in their life where they are trying to figure out who they really are. The big difference in your case is you’ve been brought up to go down one street, and now you have to carry that extra baggage as you get onto the street you were supposed to be on all along. Yeah, it’ll be a little harder for you to catch up, but you’ll figure it out. If people don’t like you, then that is their problem, not yours.”

I smiled, leaned over and gave Grandpa a hug.

“Thanks, I needed that.” I said wiping the tears from my eyes. “So much has happened lately, and I’ve been trying to hold everything together, but it’s hard.”

“The last couple of days couldn’t have been easy for you, Jessica, but you are still here and things will get better. If you need to talk, I am always here for you. You’re my granddaughter now and there will always be a place for you here.” Grandpa said as he hugged me and gave me a kiss on the forehead.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After dinner, Mom and I had to get going. It was a long drive home, but Grandma and Grandpa gave me a hug and kiss before Mom and I left.   As we drove away I thought about what Grandpa said.

He was right, eventually I would figure things out. I had lived most of my life as a boy and I was now experiencing life from the other side of the fence.

  I was bound to make mistakes, but I would learn from them and become a stronger person because of it. The pain that I was experiencing would lessen with time. I would have to deal with it a day at a time.

 

 

To be continued in part 2

Synopsis: After witnessing the death of her father Jessica is emotionally scattered and trying her best to hold things together. Although the relationship that the two of then shared was unhealthy, she still loved him and watching him die had been almost more then she could handle.

Sarah Roberts had also taken the death of her husband hard. Their marriage might have been over, but she had still loved Jake Roberts. She felt bad that her daughter had to witness something so horrendous and was worried about her.

 

Chapter 5

 

I had been a little worried about visiting my grandparents for the first time, but those worries were soon put to rest after meeting and spending time with the both of them, especially my grandfather.

After Mom and Grandma left us alone and started making dinner, Grandpa and I had a chance to talk. He talked to me like I was an adult and not a child, and was straight forward and honest with me. Most importantly, he listened to me and didn’t judge me. Grandma was different but really nice, and I could see myself warming to her in time. I think that she was kind of like me, it always took me time to get to know someone and feel safe enough to open up to them. For the most part it had been a good visit for all of us and with everything that had happened, it was also a good distraction.

Mom and I stayed and had a nice dinner with my grandparents but soon it was time for us to go. After saying our goodbyes, Mom and I started the long drive home.

 

[-][+][-]

 

As before, I spent a good percentage of the time watching the scenery and thinking about the upcoming camping trip with Amy and Tara. I really hoped that Scotty would join us. I would have to have a talk with him later. I just hoped that he wasn’t mad at me for not telling him about the kidnapping. I found myself feeling really tired and before I knew it I had slipped into a deep sleep and pretty much slept all the way home.

“Hey sleepy head, we’re home.” I heard Mom say.

I yawned and wiped the sleep from my eyes. “Sorry Mom, I guess I fell asleep.”

“It’s alright honey, you’ve been through a lot and you needed the rest.” Mom said, smiling.

“Last night I hardly slept at all.” I said, frowning as Mom and I made our way inside.

“I’ll give you something tonight to help you sleep, remind me before bedtime.” Mom said as she unlocked the door, and the two of us went inside the house.

Once inside, I headed off to my room and started working on my home work. I still had almost two months of catching up to do and I really didn’t feel like wasting my summer attending classes just to catch up. I knew that I could catch up, that wasn’t the problem but staying motivated was. It’s hard to concentrate on the school work when you thinking process is all over the place, but I continued and did my best.

I got up and turned on the radio and put it on the country channel, then returned to my desk and started working on my homework again. As I worked, a song came on the radio and I found myself singing along. It was called September, by Daughtry. I had always loved the song, mostly because of the man that sang it.

When I first saw him on American Idol, I thought he was the cutest guy I had ever seen and I couldn’t believe that he was voted off.   He never let it get to him; he just went on and made it on his own. That was the kind the person that I wanted to be. If you want something bad enough you just take it, and look at him now. Most people can’t even remember who the winner was that season.

 

[-][+][-]

 

I decided that it was time for a break. I grabbed my phone, headed into the kitchen and grabbed a Coke from the fridge, then took it outside with me and took a seat on the front porch. It was 2:30 and classes were pretty much finished for the day but there was a game after class so Megan and Jennifer wouldn’t be home for awhile.  

The game wasn’t going to start for another half hour, and I could still make it if I borrowed Megan’s bike. I went inside and grabbed the keys to the lock and her bike helmet and told Mom that I was going to take a trip to the school to watch the game.

“You don’t have to bike Jessica, I really don’t mind giving you a lift.” Mom protested.

  “It’s alright Mom, I think it would be nice to get a little exercise.”

“Alright honey, be careful.” Mom said.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After leaving home I made the short ride to Burnaby High. It felt good as I turned on to the bike trail, it had been ages since I had been out for a ride. I used to bike all the time when I was living as Andrew but hadn’t had a chance since I had become a girl. I used to take the trail all the time, but back then I had to always watch my back. It seemed like the bullies had only one mission in life, and that mission was to make mine a living hell.

Things were different now. I had a clean slate, and only a few people knew the person that I used to be and they loved me and would do anything that they could to protect me.   When I was boy things were different, I didn’t trust anyone and was socially outcast, but that felt like another lifetime now.

Looking back now, I could see the truth. Life is about taking risks, and the choices you make are the things that will mold you into the person you will one day become. I was full of fear and unable to make the choices, so I hid from them and tried to pretend that things were not that bad so I did nothing to change things. It might have been a stupid choice when I took that bottle of pills, and I was lucky that Megan had found me. I could have died, but that one stupid acted of desperation turned out to be my salvation.

[-][+][-]

Chapter 6

 

I arrived at the school with about ten minutes to spare. After locking up Megan’s bike I made my way to the football field. I could see that everyone was pretty much there, getting ready for the game to start. I looked around and saw Megan and Jennifer along with the rest of the cheerleading team. They were doing stretching exercises on the other side of the field.   I couldn’t find Scotty, it was possible that he was still getting changed.

The stands seemed to be filling up quickly with students and parents from the home   and visiting teams. I slowly made my way over to where the cheerleading section was, thinking that I would watch the game from over there.

As I made my way over, I saw Britney and Natasha and waved to them. Britney gave Natasha a nudge in her tummy then she looked over my way and a big smile appeared on their faces. They came running over and met me as I entered the cheering section and I found myself being smothered between the two of them. After they stopped hugging me. Britney turned to me.

“We’ve been worried sick about you, how are you doing?”

“It’s a long story and I’m not ready to talk about it yet.” I said frowning.

“Well, when you’re ready we’re here for you Jessica.” Natasha said with a smile.

“I need a little time to sort things out myself, but thanks”, I said smiling

Britney and Natasha pretty much dragged me over to where the rest of the cheerleaders were.   When Jennifer saw me, she came over and gave me a big hug.

“How are you doing?” She asked in a concerned voice.

I smiled. “I’m better, but it’s going to take time, and I am going to need help.”

“Well, you know if you need anything Jessica, all you have to do is ask.” Jennifer said as she gave me another hug.

“I am surprised to see you here!” Megan said, as she approached me from behind.

“Yeah, I’m surprised I’m here too, considering I hate football.” I said with a smile.

“Got tired of hanging out at home, didn’t you?” Megan said with a smile.

“Actually, it’s been a busy day! I went to the hospital this morning, then Mom and I took a little road trip to see our grandparents.   I even got to feed their baby colt. You should see her, she is adorable!” I gushed.

“Well, it’s good that you got out of the house. I was worried you were going to take up permanent residence in your bedroom.” Megan said and gave me a hug.

Just before the game started, Megan introduced me to Mrs. Jennings, not that I didn’t already know who she was. I had seen her many times as Andrew, but I was Jessica now and had to let on that I didn’t know her, just to keep with the story that we had created to explain Jessica’s background.

“It’s nice to finally meet you Jessica. Britney and Natasha have told me a lot about you, when are you going to be able to join us?” she asked.

“Soon I hope, though I have a lot on my plate at the moment. There was a death in the family and I still need to sort things out. I’m still not completely healed from my surgery, so for the moment I doubt that I will be able to make every game, but I will be at most of the practices.” I said smiling

Mrs. Jennings smiled. “That’s fine Jessica, just let me know when you’re ready.”

“Alright Mrs. Jennings.” I agreed.

As I looked out onto the field, I could see our team finally making their way onto the field. There was really one player that I was there to see and that was Scotty, and when I finally saw him, I kind of felt these butterflies in my tummy. I had been missing him terribly over the last few days. I just hoped that he could make the camping trip, it would be great having him there with me.

After Scotty took his position on the field, I could see him looking around. When he turned my direction and saw me standing next to Mrs. Jennings, I could almost make out the smile on his face, if it hadn’t been for the football helmet that he was wearing. I smiled and waved to him. A few minutes later the game started and both teams seemed evenly matched, with neither side willing to give the other an inch. It was the time of year where every game mattered, especially if you wanted to get into the playoffs.

I had never really cared for the game, but I found myself getting carried away with everyone else as the game continued on. I even got angry when the other team started scoring goals.   It was toward the end of the game when the mood of the game changed. Brian managed to tie up the game and it went into overtime. Then the visiting team got the ball and was running for the end zone.

I started screaming with everyone else for our team to do something, then from out of nowhere there was Scotty, tackling the player who fumbled the ball. Cliff came running in just behind him and grabbed the ball. He somehow managed to run the ball back to our end zone and made the winning touchdown. The crowd went wild and everyone was excited, our team had just made the playoffs.

After the game finished, I ran out onto the field with most of the other girls that were on the cheerleading squad. Scotty came running over to me and it didn’t take long before I found myself in his arms and lifted off the ground. As his lips touched mine it was like my body was being zapped by electricity and I was loving every minute of it.

“I was so worried about you Jessica, don’t ever do that to me again!” He said as he kissed me again.

“I promise baby.” I said, kissing him back and holding him tightly against me.

“Can you stay Jessica? I’d like to have some time alone with you.” Scotty said with a smile.

“Sure honey, but I have Megan’s bike with me.”

“That’s no problem; we’ll drop it off then head over to Gallagher’s.” Scotty suggested with a smile.

“Alright, I’ll meet you out front, now go get into the shower, you really smell.” I said, giving him another kiss just before he ran off.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After Scotty left, I ran over to Megan and Jennifer. “You guys heading over to Gallagher’s?”

“Yeah, we’re getting a ride over with Glen, what about you?” asked Megan.

“Scotty is driving me home to drop off your bike, then we’re heading over to Gallagher’s, I guess I’ll see the both of you there.” I said with a smile.

”Behave yourself Jessica, there is another game tomorrow and we need Scotty at 100%!” Glen said as he came over.

“I’ll try but I’m not making any promises.” I said, giggling

“Yeah really, Jessica! The two of you should have got a hotel room.” Megan smiled, referring to the little show that Scotty and I had just shown on the field.

“Well on the plus side anyone that didn’t know that the two of you were going out sure knows now.” Jennifer said with a giggle.

That caused a giggle fest between the three of us, but soon Megan and Jessica had to get going, as did Glen who headed off to the showers. I told them that I would see them at Gallagher’s, and made my way to the front of the school.

 

Chapter 7

 

As I waited in front of the school, I couldn’t help but feel funny inside. Here I was completely at ease, waiting for my boyfriend.   There was a time not very long ago that I would be leaving as fast as my legs could take me.

I was afraid to stick around because I knew that it wouldn’t be very long before I was hassled or worse, beat up.   Things sure had changed though. I had attended my first football game as a girl and actually enjoyed myself.

When I was younger my father and I used to go to football games and even baseball. I enjoyed spending time with him but I didn’t actually enjoy the games. As his drinking became worse, the two of us spent less time together, and when he did make time for me it usually ended badly.

Things are different now and the things that used to bother me just don’t seem to have the same power over me as they used to. I think that the difference is that I’m no longer consumed with self hatred and I can actually say I love who I am now, whereas before I couldn’t even look in a mirror without feeling disgusted.

I guess the biggest changes were my friends, compared to the lack of friends that I had as Andrew. To be honest, I had fallen into such a rut that being alone had become a normal part of my life, as were the conflicts in my family. It was a sad outlook on life and I couldn’t live that life anymore. I couldn’t live without my friends and family.

When it comes down to it nobody can, human beings we are not designed to be alone. It’s in our nature to seek out one another and form relationships, whether it is friendship or the love of a potential mate, or like the love I have received from my new family. They were most important thing in my life, because they loved me even when I was unable to love myself.

Even with everything that has happened to me I still have plenty to be grateful for and it would be those things that I hold on to. I would take the lessons from my past and find a way to use them in a positive manner. I would enjoy the life that I was given and the fact that I was finally the girl that I had always dreamed of being, and the fact that I was in love with an amazing guy.

I was lost in thought when I saw Scotty exiting the school and making his way over to me.

“You ready to get going babe?” He said with a smile.

“Sure, but don’t call me babe!” I said as I reached out and took hand.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After dropping Megan’s bike off at home, Scotty and I headed over to Gallagher’s.   Scotty took the scenic route which gave us sometime to talk.

“Do you have any plans this weekend?” I asked him.

“Not really Jessica, I was hoping that the two of us could get together and do something, though.”

“Amy and Tara invited me to spend the weekend with them camping. It would be nice if you were able to join us.” I said smiling

“Hmmm, let’s see. A weekend with three beautiful women, or playing games with the guys, tough choice.” Scotty said with a frown and was rewarded with a punch in the shoulder. This made him laugh.

“Alright, if you can’t make it that’s fine. I’m sure that Glen would be more then willing to spend the weekend with three beautiful women.” I said with a devilish smile.

“Let’s not be hasty, Jessica. I guess that I have no choice but to join you.” he said with a smile.

“Do you always have to be such a smartass Scotty?” I said with a smile

“Yeah, but you love me all the same.” he said as he slipped his arm around me and I found myself cuddling up to him.

“Your right about one thing.” I said seriously.

“That’s a first!   A woman actually admitting I’m right about something, so what is it that I am right about Jessica?”

“That I love you.” I said calmly as I placed my head on his shoulder.

 

[-][+][-]

 

“I thought I knew what love was, but to be honest with you, Jessica, I was wrong. What I have felt in the past was infatuation not love, at least until you came into my life and showed me what loving someone really means!”

“I think about you all the time Jessica, and when you’re not with me it feels like part of me is missing, and I hate that feeling. When you are with me, everything is perfect. I know that we haven’t been dating that long, but I asked my mom a question when the two of us started dating. I wanted to know how you would know if you really loved someone. She said that you would know and there wouldn’t be any doubts and when I look into your eyes Jessica, I just know.”

I looked over at Scotty. “I’ve always loved you. Maybe at first it was a stupid school girl crush towards the guy who protected me, but since that day I’ve dreamed of being with you and now that its happened, I feel complete but also scared to death.”

“Why are you scared Jessica?”

“Mostly because of my past, Scotty. Until recently, I really didn’t know what it meant to love someone, let alone be loved by someone. Let’s just say that my parents were abusive.”

“My father was an alcoholic and growing up the only time he even showed me love was when I did something that made him happy, and even then it was never enough. My mother was sexually abused by my grandfather and she held that pain inside all of her life. Because she was so caught up in her own pain, she was neglectful and because of all these things happening, plus my gender issues, I was a pretty messed up kid.”

“After moving in with the Tanners and seeing how a real family was, I was jealous at first, especially with the relationship Megan had with her parents. She had the love of both parents and it was unconditional and they spent time together as a family, sharing with one another, I know now that most families are like this, but when you come from a household like the one I grew up in you don’t really know about these things, the life you have seems normal. “

Scotty looked over at me. “I think you’re amazing Jessica. With everything that you have gone through in the past, you kept fighting, and that’s one of the things that I love about you Jessica.”

“We have the rest of our lives to worry about the future. Let’s just take things a day at a time. I’m not going anywhere and I don’t care about the past. All that matters to me is the here and now and at this very moment I’m with the girl I love and that is all that matters.” Scotty said with a smile.

 

 

End of Part 2

To be continued in part 3

Jessica’s Journey

Sequel to Andrews Dilemma

By, Cain129

Part 3

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis:   After returning home from visiting her grandparents Jessica decides to bike to the high school to watch the football game. Everyone is excited to see her and for the first time in years, she found that she was actually enjoying herself while attending a sporting event. After the game Scotty and Jessica finally have a chance to talk to one another and tell each another how they feel.

  

 

Chapter 8

 

By the time Scotty and I arrived at Gallagher’s, everyone else was already there but neither of us really cared. The two of us had needed the time to talk and work things out as far as where our relationship was going. Having talked to Scotty, I knew that the both of us were committed to make things work. I can hardly believe that I told him that I loved him, but it was true.

Once inside Scotty went to get a couple of cokes for the two of us while I found a couple of free chairs for us. I picked up one and started carrying it over to the table and placed in next to Jennifer.

“Wow, the two of you made it; Megan and I were beginning to wonder if you guys were coming.” Jennifer said with a smile.

“Scotty and I needed sometime to talk things out,” I said smiling.

“I take it that everything is alright between the two of you?” Jennifer asked.

“Yeah, everything is perfect.”

Megan turned to me. “You looked like someone that was having a good time at the game, and I thought that you hated football!” Megan said with a smile.

“Yeah, I did have a good time,” I said grinning. “I guess it was because I was with my friends and the man I loved was playing”

“The two of you make a cute couple.” Britney said as she came from behind me and gave me a hug.

“Thanks Britney.” I said as I reached up, returning her hug.

Scotty returned a few minutes’ later carrying two large cokes, and then took a seat next to me at the table.

“Did I miss anything?” He asked.

“Not really honey, everyone is just getting settled.” I said.

“So you guys going to Eric’s party on the weekend?” Brian asked.

“Nope. Jessica and I are going to be meeting up with some friends and doing some camping.” Scotty said as he slipped his arm around me.

“Cool, where are the two of you going?” asked Britney.

”Where are we going, Jessica?” Scotty asked me.

“I really have no idea. I guess that I’ll have to give Amy a call later. Wherever we go, it will be nice.” I said smiling.

“We should all plan a trip together this summer; maybe a camping trip or something.” Megan said with a smile.

“That would be cool, although I am not really that much of an outdoor kind of girl”, Natasha said

“It would be nice, but I am not sure how much time we will have. Scotty, Brian and I will be on the road most of the summer with the rest of the band.” Glen said frowning.

 

[-][+][-]

 

“Maybe we can meet up after one of your gigs. Road trips are always fun and we could spend the weekend camping.” I suggested.

“We will just have to work out a date. It will have to be sometime after we get back from Disney Land though.” Megan said excitedly.

“It’s going to be a busy summer.” Jennifer said.

“It will be one to remember that’s for sure.” Scotty said, winking at me. I blushed.

A few minutes later a waitress came over carrying a tray that had a big bowl of nachos and dip.

“I thought we could all use a treat.” Scotty said with a smile.

It really didn’t take long for the bowl to be emptied, considering it was being attacked by eight hungry kids. There was more than enough for all of us, and everyone seemed to be having a good time together.

As I looked across the table everything seemed so surreal, was this really my life now? Don’t get me wrong, I was happy, but sometimes it felt like a dream. You know, the kind of dream where you are afraid to wake up because the dream is better than reality? If you wake up, you know you’ll have to return to the real world and all of its struggles. Well this is my life, not a dream and these people were my family and friends.

Britney looked over at me, concerned. “Are you alright Jessica? You kind of look like the lights are on, but no one is home.”

“Yeah, I’m fine Britney. It’s nice to be able to hang out with all of you again. Things have been pretty crazy lately, you all know about the kidnapping. That was bad enough, but then I watched my father die. It just took a lot out of me and I still have a lot on my plate. Before it’s all over with, I’ll need everyone’s help.”

“You know Jessica, we’re all family here. Maybe not biological, but blood isn’t everything. If you need anything, all you have to do is call.” Natasha said as she gave me a hug.

“Damn, that is just plain sick on so many levels.” Glen said frowning.

“What is so sick?” Britney said trying to figure out what Glen meant.

Glen looked across the table then calmly took a bite of his nachos, “We’re all family, right?”  

“Yes?” Britney said, confused.

“Wouldn’t that make Scotty and Jessica like brother and sister? Scotty is dating his sister, which is really twisted.” Glen said rather smugly

“God Glen, why do you have to take such an innocent statement and make it sick and perverted?” Natasha said as she throws a soggy nacho at him.

”It’s one of my many talents.” Glen said as he caught the nacho and ate it.   “On the plus side, he has great tastes in woman, so maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe I should be going after one of my lovely sisters.” He said, putting his arm around Jennifer. “Feel like going out tonight?” Glen asked Jennifer.

“Sorry Glen, I’m busy tonight.” She said with a smile.

“What are you doing maybe I can help?” Glen said with a wink.

“Well after that last statement, I feel really dirty. I was thinking of having a nice hot bath with my hairdryer.” she said calmly.

“In other words Glen, she would rather electrocute herself than go out on a date with you.” Megan giggled.

“Damn, you guys sure know how to make a guy feel loved.” Glen said making a sad puppy dog face, this only made everyone laugh more.

Jennifer smiled and turned to Glen.

“Where are you taking me tonight?” She said, which made everyone start laughing, and took Glen by surprise.

“I really have no idea Jennifer, I was just joking.” Glen said surprised.

“I thought you wanted to take me out?” Jennifer said smiling.

It was fun watching Jennifer making Glen squirm. I could also tell that there was more to it then her just having fun at his expense. She actually did like Glen and I could have been wrong, but I think that he liked her.

  “Well how about a movie Jennifer? I owe you that much for dragging you into all this.” Glen said with a smile.

“That sounds good, but I get to choose the movie.” Jennifer said with a smile.

”Big mistake, Jennifer is most likely going to choose a two hour chick flick. Are you going to be able to handle it?” I asked with a big smile.

Glen looked over at Jennifer. “Please tell me that Jessica is wrong?”

Jennifer smiled. “I guess that we’ll just have to wait and see.”

Glen looked over to Scotty. “A little help here would be nice.”

Scotty laughed. “Sorry, Jessica and I have our own plans tonight.”

“Brian, Natasha, Britney, Megan please?” Glen said frowning.

Everyone declined and in the end it would be just Jennifer and him. We all knew that he was just joking around even Jennifer seemed to play along. “Oh yeah, most definitely a chick flick.”

The truth of the matter was that it wasn’t going to be a chick flicks. Jennifer was more into action movies, or even comedies. Glen would be relieved after she made her choice of what movie they were going to see.

When Scotty said that the two of us had plans for tonight, I really had no idea what he had in mind. He never mentioned anything to me, not that I really cared. As long as the two of us were together, I would be happy.

 

[-][+][-]

 

We all stayed at Gallagher’s ‘til about 4:00, then everyone pretty much had to get home for supper. After saying our goodbyes, Scotty and I made our way back to his car with Megan and Jennifer in tow, and started the drive home.

After arriving home, Megan and Jennifer headed inside, leaving Scotty and I alone to talk.

“Do you have any plans for tonight Jessica?” Scotty asked.

“Not really Scotty,” I said with a smile.

“Feel up to hitting the Bronx tonight? It’s open mic night, and should be a lot of laughs. Britney, Cliff, Natasha and Brian will be there and I imagine that Glen and Jennifer will eventually show up after the movie.”

“Sounds like fun Scotty, I’ll see if Megan wants to join us.” I said, not wanting her feel left out.

“The show doesn’t start ‘til after 8pm usually, so I’ll be by around 7:30pm.” Scotty said then leaned over and gave me a kiss.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Chapter 9

 

After saying goodbye to Scotty, I made my way inside the house. Megan and Jennifer were busy helping Mom with supper, and Dad still hadn’t arrived home from work yet. Considering that there were already three people working on supper, I decided that it would be best for me to just head to my room and continue catching up on my school work. For the next hour I worked away, mostly reading and taking down notes as I went along.

I had been making good progress, and knew that if I continued at the pace that I was working, I’d be caught up within two or three weeks and ready to take exams with my class.   Things were going to be pretty stressful over the next couple of weeks. There was Dad’s funeral and I was also going to help my birth mother with getting ready to move. I was going to ask my friends to help with that. It would be done much faster than if Mom and I tried to do it alone.

It was close to 5pm when I finished reading from my social studies book and taking notes. I was putting my book away when I heard the front door opening and saw Daddy coming in carrying a big box. I ran over and grabbed the door and held it opened for him.

“Thanks Jessica. It’s not really that heavy, just awkward.” Daddy said as he carried it inside and set it down on the living room floor.

“What is it?” I asked him

“It’s something new for the two of us to play with.” He said with a big grin on his face.

“I saw it on sale, and I just had to get it. It’s a mixer board, much better than the one that is setup in your room, and it’s fully loaded. We can pretty much plug anything into it.” Dad said with a smile

“Cool!” I said with a big smile. “When are we going to hook it up and try it out?”

“After supper, Sweetheart. I don’t know about you, Jessica, but I’m starving.” Daddy said as he ran his hand over his tummy.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Over supper, Dad told us about his day, then Megan and I shared the events of our day. It was nice having all of us have a nice supper together as a family. After we finished, Megan, Jennifer and I took care of the clean up and gave Mom and Dad a chance to talk in the living room.

Jennifer said she had to head home, she still needed to get ready for her date with Glen, so Megan decided to join her and help her get ready. Before Megan left, I told her that Scotty and I were going to the Bronx later and if she wanted to join us to be home for 7:30 pm.

Once Megan and Jennifer left I headed off to my room and started going over my History book. I had always been a bit of a history buff. So as I went over the assignments I realized that catching up wasn’t going to really take very long most of the material that I was reading though I already knew. One of the benefits of being a non entity was you didn’t have friends to distract you from doing your homework or even getting a head of everyone else.

The secret to my good grades wasn’t that I was smarter than other students. I just devoted more time to my studies. It was a way to pass time. It also occupied my mind and the less time I had to think about my problems the better.  

When I lived as Andrew, I needed all the distractions I could get, otherwise the depression would take over and it wouldn’t be very long before I started thinking about hurting myself. I had lived like that for so long that it became a normal part of my life.

Even now there were parts of me that wanted to return to those old behaviors because that would be easier then dealing with the pain that I was suffering from now.   There is a fine line between occupying your mind and hiding from your problems. It’s like going to a doctor and being giving medicine to help you handle the pain, returning every month to refill your prescription but not actually sitting down with the doctor and talking about why you are feeling the way you are feeling.

The problem with that is all you are doing is medicating yourself, so that you are not feeling the pain. Take the pills away, and all the problems are still there and so is the pain. I would rather confront the problems and become stronger than hide from them. I guess that is where things are different today for me. I still have problems, and God knows how much it hurts inside but I am not hiding anymore. I don’t want to be that person anymore and I don’t want to end up like my mother either.

 

[-][+][-]

 

There was a knock on my door. I turned and saw Dad holding the mixer in his hand, looking like a child with a new toy.

“Can we hook it up now?” He asked, with a big smile on his face.

“Sure Daddy.” I said as I wiped the tears away from my eyes

Daddy came inside and set the mixer on the floor next to the bed and took a seat beside me. “How are you doing, kiddo?”

“I’m alright Daddy, just thinking.”

“Do you want to talk about it, honey?” He said as he held me.

“Not really Daddy, but I know that I should.” I said placing my head on his shoulder.

“I have missed you, Daddy.” I said as the tears started flowing.

“I know baby, but I’m here now, and even when I’m away, all you have to do is pick up the phone, sweetheart.” Daddy said leaning down and kissing me. “You are my daughter, Jessica and I love you.”

“Thanks Daddy, but I love you more.” I said with a grin.   “I know you can’t always be home, you need to work to take care of us.”

  “Now let’s setup this mixer before you make me cry again.” I said smiling.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Between the two of us, we had the new mixer hooked up in no time and powered up for a test run. Daddy plugged in his Gipson SG into the mixer and I plugged the Yamaha keyboard then hit the power button and heard a faint hum as it came to life. It took Daddy and I a little while before we had the mixers setup and ready for us to play. Once it was, all that we needed to do was try playing a song that both of us knew.   We eventually choose Angel by Sarah McLachlan. After making the needed changes to the keyboard settings the two of us were ready to start playing.

I started playing first, with just the sound on the piano alone. I slowly built it up until I was ready and started singing the words to the song. This was also the point where Dad joined me and started playing his guitar along with me.   The first attempt the two of us were all over the place, and while the second attempt was somewhat better, the two of us still were not on the right page.   By the fourth time the two of us had pretty much worked it out and it sounded pretty good. Mind you, it would still need a lot of work but it was pretty good for just an hour’s work, and it was also a good song for us to fine tune the mixer and workout the levels.

The two of us spent another hour just jamming and playing different songs together. Some I would sing and others Dad would take the lead and I would do the background lyrics. The two of us were having a great time, but it was already 7pm and I had to get ready for my date with Scotty. So I had to tell Daddy that I needed the room for awhile to get ready but when I was finished he was more then welcome to continue.

“Alright honey, I’ll let you get ready.” He said, placing his guitar on its stand. “Have fun tonight sweetheart.”

It took me almost an hour before I was ready for my date with Scotty. I had run a nice hot bubble bath and soaked for a bit, then spent the next half hour doing my hair and makeup. It is amazing the difference it takes getting ready for a girl to go on a date verses a guy, not that I really had any experience in that area I had never even been on a date as Andrew, let alone kissed a girl.

But just to get ready for any kind of event as a guy, all you have to do is grab a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt, socks and you’re pretty much ready. Now as a girl, I had to have a nice soak while I shaved my legs and armpits, then style my hair, do my makeup and find something nice to wear. All this can take a good hour or more depending where as a guy only takes maybe 15 minutes tops.

Not that I really mind because I loved my life and being a girl is a dream come true for me. The only area that I wished that I could change is my monthly visitor. God, she can be a bitch, but it’s a small price to pay, considering that for the first time in my life I feel complete inside and outside.

 

[-][+][-]

 

As I looked in the mirror I smiled liking the result. I had to admit that I had come along way since I made my first steps as Jessica all those months ago. I was now on the same level as Megan and Jennifer when it came to makeup and styling my own hair, I thought to myself as I sprayed little perfume on.

I made my way into the living room and found mom and dad snuggling up on the couch together. I smiled and said, “How do I look?”

Dad looked me up and down, “Maybe you should consider another skirt honey that one is nice but it’s a little to revealing.”

I smiled, “Daddy that’s the style, all the girls are wearing them that way.”

“Maybe honey, but think about the effect you’re going to have on poor Scotty.” Dad said with a smile.

“You think Scotty isn’t going to like how I am dressed?” I said with a smile.

“I don’t think that you need to worry about him liking it, I think he might like it a little too much.” Dad said, frowning.

“Jessica, you’re wasting your time, nothing you wear will be good enough. You could be wearing a gown that covers your entire body and only shows your eyes and he would think you’re showing to much.” Mom said with a giggle.

“I’m not that bad, Janice!” Dad said, and then he grabbed Mom and started tickling her. Mom started giggling like crazy, telling him to stop, but Dad just kept going.

“God, get a hotel room!” I said, laughing at the two of them.

I decided to let the two kids play, so I grabbed my purse and told them that I would be back later. I made my way outside, and as I took a seat on the porch I saw Megan making her way over. As she approached, I smiled.

  “You really don’t want to go inside, sis. Mom and Dad are acting like teenagers in love.”

“Are you sure that you want me to tag along? I kind of feel like a third wheel here.” Megan said sounding a little down.

“You’re my sister and you’re not a third wheel.” I said putting my arm around her. “What’s wrong?”

“I guess that I’m feeling a little down. It seems like everyone has someone but me, even Jennifer.” Megan said with a frown.

I knew how she felt, I had been there myself and it wasn’t a fun place to be. I looked over at Megan. “You’ll find someone Megan. Most guys would be lucky to have a girl like you. I know it sucks watching all your friends hooking up when you’re alone. I’ve been there, but look at me now. I have a great guy and the two of us love one another.   I know there is someone out there for you too, sis. Who knows, you might meet him tonight, stranger things have happened.” I said to reassure her.

“Thanks Jessica, I feel better now, it’s nice having a sister to talk about stuff like this.”

“Whatever happens, Megan, you can always come to me. You’re my sister and I love you,   no matter what. I will always be there for you.”

The next thing I knew, Megan and I were hugging one another. “That goes both ways, Jessica.” Megan said as she hugged me.

 

[-][+][-]

 

End of part 3

To be continued in part 4

Jessica’s Journey

Sequel to Andrews Dilemma

By, Cain129

Part 4

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis: Things are starting to get back to normal for Jessica, though she is still dealing with witnessing the death of her father. Her family and friends have rallied around her, giving her their love and support.

 
 

Chapter 10

 
 

Megan and I sat on the front porch and waited for Scotty to arrive. The three of us were planning on meeting up with everyone else at the Bronx at 8pm. As we waited I turned to Megan.

“So, how is Jennifer doing?” I asked.

“She’s excited about tonight; I just hope Glen doesn’t fuck it up. He’s a nice guy, but you know what he’s like.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it. Jennifer is a big girl and not one of those bimbos that he normally dates.” I said with a smile.

Megan frowned. “Yeah, to be honest though, it surprises me that Jennifer wanted to go out with him. They’re such total opposites.”

“You could say the same thing about Scotty and I, Megan.”

“That’s true, but the two of you seem to have this chemistry, and it’s like the two of you have been together forever.” Megan said smiling.

“Sometimes it feels that way but we’ve only been dating a few months and who knows what the future holds? We might make it, or we may choose to go our own separate ways. Things are great now, we’re both in high school, but what will happen when we go to college?” I said, frowning.

“I think that if anyone can make it work, Jessica, the two of you can.”

“Maybe, I hope we can make it work, the both of us will try.” I said.

Megan laughed, “I can picture the two of you twenty years from now, having kids of your own and embarrassing them, just like Mom and Dad do now.” Megan said, with a giggle.

“Man, three month ago I would have thought you were crazy to be saying something like that.” I said giggling

“Yeah something tells me that Andrew and I wouldn’t have had much to say on this subject! So tell me, is it everything you dreamed it would be?” Megan asked

“Well, mostly it is, but nothing ever turns out quite the way you wish it would. Back then I thought that I was a transsexual, and my dreams were slightly different. I wanted the operation to become female.”

“I didn’t know that it was even a possibility that deep down, I really was a girl physically. I just wanted to become one, and to have my real mother and father accept me for who I really was. You know as well as I do how that all turned out, but for the most part I am happy with everything.”

“I have the best parents that a girl could ask for, and they love and accept me. I have a sister that I love to death, a great guy that loves me and then there are my friends.”

“So, am I happy with how things turned out? Yes, I’m happy”

Megan put her arm around me. “When you first moved in with us, I just thought it was temporary. Mom would help you get better, and then eventually you would end up going home or into fostercare. I didn’t want you to go home or to end up in fostercare, but I also didn’t want to have a sister. I liked being the only child and having Mom and Dad to myself.”

“Then along came Jessica. Mom and Dad took a liking to you, and before I knew it they were spending more time with you than me, and I really didn’t like it. I was their daughter, not you Jessica. I couldn’t say anything because of the way I had found you, lying there under those bleachers, half dead.” She shivered, remembering it.

“I was so afraid if I said anything you might have tried something stupid and I couldn’t live with that. So I kept my month shut, and kept how I felt to myself. Then something happened. I watched you accept who you really were inside, and you began to change, or maybe it was me that changed. To be honest, I don’t really know, Jessica.”

“But anyway, I watched you become the person you are now. As the days went on I started liking the idea of having a sister. The day that you were taken from us, I realized how much you really meant to me. The thought of losing you was more then I could handle. When you finely came home to us, it was the happiest day of my life.” Megan said, as she leaned over and hugged me.

I smiled and wrapped my arms around Megan. “I know it’s been hard for you Megan, and I’m sorry if I hurt you. Being part of this family has been a dream come true for me, and I couldn’t ask for a better sister then you. I never felt that I belonged anywhere until I moved in with you.”

“My own parents didn’t really want me, they wanted the perfect son. They couldn’t accept the fact that they ended up with a daughter. All my life I felt ashamed of who I was, and I hated myself, because I couldn’t live up to their expectations. I hated God for sticking me in that body and making me feel the way I did.”

“When your Mom and Dad took me in they accepted me, and said it was all right to be myself. They helped me become the person I am today. I didn’t have to hide who I was anymore, they gave me the choice. I could be Andrew or Jessica.” A tear shone in her eye.

“I was afraid at first, but as I watched how loving your mother and father were towards you, I felt jealous of you. You had everything that I didn’t have, and you just took it all for granted. You had parents that loved and accepted you, and would do anything they could to make you happy. I had never experienced that until I moved in with you.

It was a dream come true when they started treating me the same way, and to be honest, I didn’t know how I was supposed to react. I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t love the attention, because I did.

The only attention I received from my own parents was mental and physical abuse. Then here were your parents. They invited me into their home, knowing full well how screwed up I was. They loved and accepted me and didn’t treat me like I was some kind of freak, they actually wanted to spend time with me.

My own parents wouldn’t even give me the time of day. The only time they wanted me around was when it suited their needs. When it came to what I wanted, they really didn’t care. What I wanted was never a priority to them.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

Megan sat there, thinking about what I had said, and then she smiled. “I’m so happy that things worked out, Jessica. I love having a sister that I can spend time with, and I’m not jealous anymore, I’m just happy.”

I looked at my watch. It was already 7:45, and I was wondering what was taking Scotty. I reached into my purse and noticed that there was a text message. After checking the phone, I realized that it was set to vibrate. I must have set it like that by accident. I read the message, and it basically said that he was running late, but was coming and should be here before 8pm.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Megan and I waited until 8pm, when Scotty came around the corner, but he wasn’t driving his own car. After Megan and I climbed into his car, I turned to him. “Nice ride, but you know it’s not a good idea to keep a girl waiting.”

“Sorry ladies, I was having car problems and had to talk Dad into letting me borrow his. Then I ended up playing 100 questions with Mom and Dad, about this mystery girl that I am dating.” Scotty said, frowning in frustration.

That made me worry a little, but I kept smiling. “I’ll forgive you this time, so what did you tell them about me?”

“Nothing much, really, I didn’t think it was my place. All that they know is that the two of us have been dating for awhile. They really want to meet you. I hope you don’t have plans for next Friday, because we’re going out to supper, and I said that I would ask you to join us.” Scotty said, with a quick look my way to gauge my reaction.

I looked at him and teased him by taking my time thinking about it. “Well, I guess that would be all right. What time is supper?”

“Around 5 pm, so you might just want to drive home with me after school. That way we can hangout for awhile before supper.” Scotty said as he put the car into drive and headed towards town.

The drive to the Bronx was not a long one, but we were taking a different route than what I was used to, but it was Megan that ended up speaking first.”

“Where are we going Scotty?” She asked.

“Relax Megan; I’m just picking up my cousin Jeff. He wasn’t doing anything tonight and wanted to join us.” Scotty said with a smile

“Isn’t he the one that used to pick at me all the time?” Megan asked nervously.

“Yeah, but that was years ago Megan, and he only did it cause he liked you.” Scotty said, chuckling at her anxiety.

“Boys picking on girls, is that really a sign of affection Jessica?” Megan asked.

I smiled. “To be honest I really have no idea. There is only one guy that I’ve ever liked, and he’s sitting next to me. I don’t think I would have tried using that ploy as Andrew. It wouldn’t have worked well, and chances are I would have been beat up, considering I was never into girls.”

“I guess you’re right Jessica, you were never really a boy anyway.” Megan said.

“Nope, I’ve always been a girl, even with those nasty parts.” I said frowning.

“Let’s not talk about those nasty parts, let’s just leave it in the past where it belongs. All that matters is that you are normal now.” Scotty said, sounding a little aggravated.

 

[-][+][-]

 
 

Chapter 11

 
 

We arrived at Jeff’s home and pulled into his parent’s driveway. Scotty said he would be right back, then he left Megan and I and ran into the house to get his cousin.

Megan looked at me. “This better not be Scotty and you setting me up.”

“It’s not, sis. I had no idea that Jeff would be joining us, but he is older now, maybe the two of you will hit it off.” She glared at me.

“Well, if he gets fresh, my knee will be hitting it off with his groin.” Megan said not sounding very happy.

“God, Megan, if you had any idea how much that hurt, it wouldn’t even be a consideration.” I said remembering from personal experience how it felt.

Soon Megan I saw Scotty leaving the house, followed by his cousin Jeff. I had to admit, he was pretty cute. If I wasn’t with Scotty I might have been interested. Scotty and Jeff climbed into the car.

Jeff smiled. “Hi Jessica, it’s nice to meet you, Scotty has been talking about you so much, I feel like I already know you.” He turned to Megan and smiled. “It’s good to see you again Megan. It’s hard to believe you’re the same girl that I used to pick on. You sure grew up to be a beauty.”

“Thanks Jeff,” Megan said blushing. “You look pretty cute yourself.”

“Just so you know Megan, I am sorry how I treated you. It’s no excuse, but there was a lot of stuff going on in my life and I took it out on you. Since my parent sent me off to the private school I have learned to deal with most of it. It doesn’t make what I did right but if it means anything, it was never anything you did.” Jeff smiled, hopefully.

“Well, I’m happy that things are better for you now, but I still find it hard to understand why you acted like such an annoying jerk.” Megan said the fire still obvious in her eyes.

“I would like to explain to you better. Maybe the two of us could talk about it when it’s just the two of us.” Jeff said, sounding frustrated.

Megan looked at him. “You can say anything you want here, Jessica is my sister. She’s not the type to tell anyone, and you know Scotty isn’t going to tell a soul.” Megan said reassuringly.

Jeff looked like he was trying to figure out what to say. “I have a minor learning disability, Megan. They put me into the ‘special’ classes at school with some kids that had more severe impairments. Unfortunately, it sent a message to all the other kids at school that I wasn’t normal, and a few of the kids at school started making my life a living hell.

Everything changed once I started fighting back, and things started getting out of control. I was no longer being bullied, which was great, but somehow along the way I went from being bullied to being the one doing the bullying.”

I was so frustrated with being in those classes with those kids, and I hated myself because I wasn’t like everyone else. I took out my frustration on anyone that came my way, even you, Megan. With you it was different, I liked you. Believe it or not, I went easy on you because of how I felt for you.

You were my first crush, but I didn’t think that you would be interested in a guy like me, not when you could have any guy that you wanted.” Jeff said in frustration.

As I sat there next to Scotty, I could feel for Jeff as he told his story to us. He was not the monster that Megan had made him out to be, he was just a scared kid that wanted nothing more then to be loved and accepted, like the rest of us. I knew how that felt. I had been in the same place that he was. I may not have had a learning disability to make me feel like shit, but I had plenty of other things that made me feel the same exact way as he did and had I been capable of doing the same things that he had done, I likely would have done the same thing.

Megan looked over at Jeff and smiled. “I like this Jeff better then the old one. Let’s just put the past behind us and have some fun tonight.”

“Yeah let’s put the past behind us, I would rather look toward the future anyway.” Jeff said with a big smile.

 

[-][+][-]

 

The rest of the ride was a more relaxed one. Although we had a late start, everyone was looking forward to the rest of the evening. After arriving, Megan and Jeff headed in first. I wanted a few minutes alone with Scotty to talk, and once the two of us were alone, I turned to him.

“Isn’t it the girl that usually plays match maker?” I said with a smile.

“Yeah, but I couldn’t resist. Both of them are single, and would have been sitting around the house alone. I figured what the hell. The worst that could happen is that they end up killing one another.” Scotty smiled.

“Well it looks like they’re getting along, so maybe it will work out for the two of them.” I could only hope for the best.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Scotty and I made our way inside and looked around. It didn’t take long before we found the rest of the gang. Britney and Natasha were already here, along with Cliff and Brian, who were carrying another table over and joining the tables together. We thought we would all sit together, so Megan and Jeff were bringing a couple of chairs to the table. Scotty and I found a couple of chairs and we carried them over to join the rest of the gang. Once everyone was seated, Jeff and Scotty headed off to get our drinks. I looked over at Megan.

“So what do you think about Jeff now?” I asked.

She smiled “You guys set us up, didn’t you?”

I smiled. “It was Scotty! He thought that if the two of you talked you might hit it off.”

Megan shook her head, “He is not the same guy that he used to be. I like this Jeff.”

I smiled and nodded. “I like him too, Megan.”

It wasn’t long before everyone was back at the table and chatting away, there were a lot of questions about what happened with my kidnapping, but Scotty and Megan stepped in. God bless them, I still wasn’t ready to talk about what had happened. Maybe I could do it one on one, but not as a group. No one pushed me after that, which I was thankful for. Tonight was about having fun.

There were plenty of other things to talk about. I could see that Jeff looked like he was having a hard time, and I decided to try to bring him out of his shell a bit. I knew that once the others got to know him, they’d like him, but it looked like he needed help to break the ice. I turned to Scotty and whispered in his ear. He knew what Jeff liked better then anyone and he turned to him. “Jeff, did you see the game the other night”, Scotty was referring to a football a game.

“Yeah, I lost $20 on that game, they really need to stop hiring their referees from the institute for the blind.” Jeff said which made Cliff and Brian laugh.

“You’re right Jeff, I have no idea what game the referee was watching but it wasn’t the same game that I was watching.” Brian said sounding slightly pissed.

“I bet there were a lot of guys waiting for the referee to leave after that game! They’re lucky that they have their own exit, otherwise he likely would have ended up in the hospital.” Cliff said, and all the guys were pretty much in agreement with that.

With the ice broken, it didn’t take long for Jeff to relax. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits. I looked over at Scotty, and I smiled as he put his arm around me.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Everyone was having a great time and by 9pm the place was full and people were already getting up on stage, either with their guitars or doing karaoke. A few were not too bad, while others were dreadful.

“Are you going to do a song, Jessica?” asked Megan, hopefully.

“I wasn’t planning on it, Megan.” I was kind of hoping to just relax and listen tonight.

“Come on Jessica, none of us have heard you sing!” Natasha said with a smile.

“She’s really good, and can play a guitar like you wouldn’t believe.” Megan boasted, proudly.

“Yeah Jessica, lets hear what you’ve got.” Britney said.

Brian smiled. “You know Jessica, they’re not going to leave you alone until you get on stage and sing for them.”

“All right, but I’m only doing one song.” I said firmly.

I got up and made my way over to check out the song list. I found one that I liked, then filled out the request form and returned to our table. There were a lot of names ahead of me by now, so if I was lucky, we would be long gone before my name was finally called. It was about 10:45 when Jennifer and Glen arrived, both of them looked like they were having a great time as they joined us at the table.

“Did we miss anything?” Jennifer asked as she took a seat next to Glen.

“Not yet, we’re just waiting for them to call Jessica’s name. Everyone is dying to hear her sing.” Britney said with a smile.

“You’re all in for a treat I’ve heard her playing with Megan’s father.” Jennifer said, looking at me. “Are you going to play the guitar too?”

“I wasn’t even planning on singing tonight, otherwise I’d have brought a guitar.”

“Well you’re in luck Jessica, Scotty’s guitars is still in my van, along with everything else. I just never got around to putting everything back in the garage.” Glen said with a smile, and handed Scotty the keys to his van.

I smiled and looked over at Scotty. “Guess who’s joining me on stage tonight?”

“Hey, it’s you they want to hear, not me!” Scotty said.

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to sing, just play along with me.” I said with a smile.

“I guess that’s alright, but none of that country crap.”

I smiled and grabbed his hand, then the two of us headed out to Glen’s van. Along the way I told him what the song was that I wanted to do, and he wasn’t very happy. At least it was a recent song that hit both the rock and country charts.

Scotty and I climbed into the back of Glen’s van to get the guitars, and I asked him if he knew how to play the song.

“Not really, but I can keep up with you”, Scotty said as he picked up his guitar, and I grabbed the acoustic.

“Okay, then let’s run through it and give it a try.” I started playing, and we went through the song once. After I finished I asked Scotty if he was ready, and handed him the acoustic. He took it and started playing the song, not quite the same way that I had played it, but I had to admit that I liked the changes he’d made to it. After he finished, Scotty handed the guitar back to me.

“How was that?” He asked, with a smug look on his face.

“Not bad, let me give it a try.” I started playing the song, this time copying what Scotty had done to the song.

“You’re a pretty fast learner.” Scotty said with a smile.

“Thanks, I’m pretty lucky, I was born with an ear for music, I only need to hear something once or twice and I can pretty much copy it.” I said, smiling smugly.

“That is one hell of a gift.” Scotty said, then started playing the song again, this time a little faster, with more of a rock feel for it.

I listened, and about half way through I started playing along with him. I was really surprised just how much the two of us seemed to be in sync with one another and I found myself really starting to enjoy playing with him. It was at that moment that we were brought back to reality, as we heard knocking on the door. When I looked over, it was Jeff. “Hey guys, you’re up!” he called, and then headed back inside.

 

[-][+][-] 
 

 

Chapter 12

 

 I was really nervous as Scotty and I took the stage, but I made my way up to the microphone while Scotty plugged our guitars into the amp.

“Hi everyone!” I said nervously. “I am Jessica and the handsome guy next to me is Scotty. The song we’re going to play for you is called ‘The Climb’, by Miley Cyrus.

I looked over at Scotty, and he nodded. I started playing the intro to the song, and shortly after Scotty joined me. I found myself taking a deep breath and started singing. At first I was a little shaky, but I soon found myself getting into the song and relaxing. It wasn’t very long before I was lost in the song and giving it everything that I had. Every now and then I found myself looking over at Scotty. He seemed at home on stage and was really getting into the song, too.

By the time the two of us reached the end of the song, I found myself looking out onto the dance floor. I couldn’t believe how many people were up dancing, including Megan and Jeff, and even Jennifer somehow managed to drag Glen unto the dance floor. Once the song came to and end the applause was unbelievable and people were yelling and screaming for more, I looked over at Scotty and he nodded.

I walked over to Scotty. “Do you know ‘You’re So Vain’?” He nodded. There was a keyboard on the stage that belonged to the club, so I walked over and switched it on and heard it come to life. I set it to piano, took a seat and adjusted the microphone. Scotty started playing the intro and counting me in, when the time came I started playing with him and singing the lyrics to the song.

As I sang the song, I started enjoy myself and every time I got to the part in the song where it said “you’re so vain,” I stared right at Scotty and emphasized those words. Everyone was laughing, as was Scotty, but he just kept on playing. Eventually we reached the end of the song, and I picked up the mic. “That’s it everyone, thanks for making my first time on stage so memorable, and have a goodnight.”

It was an awesome feeling as Scotty and I left the stage, people were so nice and kept telling us how good the two of us were together. It was nice to finally make it back to our table and sit down to relax.

“God, Jessica, you were awesome! I couldn’t believe that was you up there!” Natasha said as she gave me a hug.

“Yeah, you were great Jessica, you really should try going professional.” Britney said with a smile.

It seemed everyone at the table enjoyed hearing Scotty and I perform together, and Brian and Cliff even suggested that I play a few songs with the band. I thought about it and thought that it was a great idea, and it could be a lot of fun.

 

[-][+][-]

 

The rest of the night went by pretty fast, and it wasn’t long before Scotty was dropping Megan and I off at home. As usual, Megan left me and Scotty alone so that we could say goodnight to one another, only this time Jeff was walking her to the door.

“I had a great time tonight, Scotty, thanks for everything. I really needed to get out and have some fun.”

“I had a great time tonight too, it was a lot of fun playing with you tonight, and we are definitely going to have to do this more often.” Scotty said with a smile.

Scotty then leaned over and took me in his arms. Before long the two of us were kissing like two people that weren’t going to see each other for a very long time. When I finally came up for air, Scotty looked at me. “I love you, Jessica,” he said and just held me in his arms.

“I love you more.” I whispered to him, and then gave him a kiss goodnight.

The guys waited till Megan and I were inside before leaving. Once we were inside I flopped into a chair and turned to her.” What a night!” I said with a smile.

Megan smiled.” Yeah, really! I had a great time and you were awesome, sis.”

“I was scared to death.” I admitted with a smile.

“You looked pretty nervous at first Jessica, but once you got into it you looked like you belonged on stage.” Megan said, giving me a hug.

“Thanks, I can’t wait to do it again!” I said excitedly, and hugged Megan back.

That night before bed, Mom and Dad hit the both of us with a million questions. I just told them about my night and how much fun it had been, then headed off to bed, leaving Megan sometime with Mom and Dad to share the events of her night. I was exhausted, and pretty much passed out as soon as I hit the mattress.

 

[-][+][-]

 

The following morning I was awakened rather early by my arch nemesis, that pesky wood pecker again, it seemed to becoming a regular event. He was once again outside my window pecking on the wood work. I knew better then to blame it on Megan again but the thought of that woodpecker brought back a thousand ways to get even, all I needed was an Acme catalog. On second thought that never ended well for the coyote and I really didn’t need to be stepping out the front door to have a anvil drop on my head.

I slowly pulled myself out of bed and made my way over to the window. I pulled it open and felt the fresh air hit me, then looked out the window and saw Woody. “Good morning, you little pain in the ass.” I said to the little bird that just looked over at me then returned to looking for his breakfast.

He was a cute little guy, I’ll give him that. I slowly made my way over to my bathroom and ran a nice hot bath and poured in some scented bubble bath, while the tub was filling up I grabbed my tooth brush and some paste and brushed my teeth. My mouth felt really dry and after brushing my teeth and gargling with some water, I felt much better and climbed into the bath.

I just laid back and soaked for a half hour. Part of me didn’t really want to face the world today, but I knew that I needed to see Dr. Humphrey this morning. It would bring everything that had happened to a head again and I just didn’t want to face that pain but knew that it was something that I needed to do. Then there was my birth mother.

I knew that she was going to be released any day now and the two of us were going to have to deal with Dad’s funeral and help with the move. The funeral was being held on Friday and that was something I was dreading. Part of me wanted to be there to say goodbye to him, but there was also another part that just didn’t want to face the rest of the family. I knew that most of his family wouldn’t understand or even try to see things for what they were.

The truth to them was that he kidnapped me and the police killed him, it was plain and simple. They didn’t know what really happened in the end. They were not there, but I was. He had taken his own life because he refused to see reason. I reached down and pulled the plug and climbed out of the tub, and started drying myself off. Thinking all I had to do was make it till Friday and I would have the weekend to relax camping with Amy, Tara and Scotty.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After getting dressed, I spent the next 20 minutes doing my makeup and fussing with my hair until I was satisfied that I looked alright, then made my way downstairs and found Mom and Megan already in the kitchen. I grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and a box of coco puffs. I filled the bowl and joined Mom and Megan at the table.

“How are you doing this morning honey?” asked Mom.

“I’m a little nervous about seeing Dr. Humphrey, but other than that, I’m fine.” I said as I poured some milk into my bowl.

“It’s to be expected honey, it’s not easy to talk about things that you know are going to make you upset. All I can suggest is to take your time and if you need a few minutes here and there to pull yourself together, then take it. Dr. Humphrey will understand and she knows this it not going to be easy for you to talk about.

“If you want I can stick around and go to the appointment with you?”

“That’s alright mom, I can talk to her on my own, but if you wouldn’t mind sticking around afterwards, I doubt I’ll feel like taking a cab home.”

“Sure baby, just remember if you need me I’ll be in the waiting room. I just wish you weren’t so independent, though.” Mom said with a frown.

“I know Mom, but this is who I am, most of my life the only person that I could rely on was myself and it’s really hard for me to change, but I’m really trying and I do know if things get out of control, I can always come to you.”

“It’s just that we worry about you, that’s all. So much has happened and I have no idea how you are able to hold everything together. If it was me in your place, I think that I would be an emotional basket case.” Mom said frowning.

I smiled. “Mom, the reason that I am able to hold everything together is that I know whatever happens, I have a family that loves and supports me, and if something goes wrong I can always turn to my Mom, Dad and even Megan. I would be lying if I said that none of this is bothering me but I can handle it.”

“Alright Honey, just remember we’re here if you need us.” Mom said, looking worried.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After Megan left for school, I gave Mom a hand cleaning up, and then the two of us made the trip to the hospital for my appointment with Dr. Humphrey. I was still pretty anxious and hoped that I could make it through the appointment without having a complete mental breakdown. I tried to concentrate on things that made me happy, like Scotty and the fun that we had last night singing together. It helped somewhat, at least until we pulled into the hospital parking lot.

While Mom found a place to park, I made my way inside. Mom said she would join me as soon as she found a parking space. As I walked, the closer that I got to Dr. Humphrey’s office the worse I felt. It was like my tummy was all tied up in knots and I felt like any minute I was going to vomit, but thank God that never happened. Still, that nauseous feeling just didn’t want to go away.

As I made my way into Dr. Humphrey’s office, I was met by the secretary. Since I was Dr. Humphrey’s only patient today the secretary already knew who I was. “Good morning, Jessica,” she said with a smile. “Please have a seat, and I will let Dr. Humphrey know that you are here.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

I only had to wait a few minutes before Dr. Humphrey came out and called me into her office. As I took a seat, she smiled at me and asked me how I was doing.

I looked at her. “To be honest, I have been better, and there are times I just feel like I am hanging on by a thread.

Dr. Humphrey looked at me, “I know things seem pretty tough right now Jessica, but they will get better. The main thing is that you talk about what happened. I know it’s hard, but do you think that you can tell me about the kidnapping, Jessica?”

I nodded. “I was supposed to be bait for the police to catch my father, but things didn’t quite go as planned, there was a double cross. They tied me up and put me in the back of a van. I was scared to death, and then they took me to my father and left me with him. He was really angry at first because of how I was dressed, and he beat me around then he left me tied up for awhile. I tried to get loose but it was impossible. He had me chained up like I was a dog, and my hands and feet were still tied.

I knew that the only way that I was going to have a chance to escape was to play along with him and when the chance came, I would make a run for it, but first I had to get him to untie me. I knew my dad well enough that I could tell he wasn’t completely drunk yet, and I could still reason with him.

“So what did you do?” Asked Dr. Humphrey

“This whole mess started with my attempting suicide. I told him the reason that I did it was because I couldn’t live with myself anymore. I was tried of disappointing everyone and I told him it was better for everyone concerned that I died.”

“What happened next, Jessica?”

“I told him about my medical condition and explained to him that if they had sent me to a doctor when I was younger, I would have turned out normal. At first he didn’t believe me, but I told him about my run in with Mom here at the hospital and that she didn’t believe me either. I lied to him and told him that the doctor showed Mom the x-rays and explained everything.”

“Did he believe you Jessica?”

“Not at first, but it kept the two of us talking. I was eventually able to make him understand. The whole time though, he kept calling me Andrew. I eventually asked him if he would mind not calling me Andrew.”

“I told him about the operation, and said that I didn’t have a choice, they had to do it or I would have died. I had to choose a name and I told him that I chose Jessica because it was his mother’s name, and I felt that had I been born a girl they would have given me that name.”

“He seemed pleased that I had taken his mother’s name, and even said that I looked like her. After that Dad seemed to calm down and was more willing to listen and eventually he untied me.”

“I started playing the role of the perfect daughter, and I took care of him like Mom would have. The cabin was a complete mess, so I spent my time cleaning the place and took care of the cooking and making sure that he always had a cold beer, because once he passed out I would make a run for it.”

“But then the strangest thing started to happen. Dad actually started treating me different, and seemed to be warming to the idea of having a daughter. I am not saying that he would make father of the year or anything like that, but the monster that had been making my life a living hell all those years was gone.”

“How did this make you feel Jessica?” asked Dr. Humphrey

“Mostly confused, when I was a kid I used to love spending time with my father. We would go to ball games, fishing and other stuff.”

“When he started drinking, things changed. He became mean and was angry all the time and the father that I knew and loved was gone. In his place was this monster that hated everyone and everything, even me.”

“The man that was with me now wasn’t the monster that I was afraid of. The man that was with me was my father, the one that loved me and was remorseful for what he had done and wanted my forgiveness.”

“Then the police showed up. They told him to put down the gun and let me go. I wanted to run but was afraid the cops were going to shot him, so I stayed and tried to talk him into giving himself up.”

“I told him that I loved him and that I didn’t want him to die. He pushed me away from him,. Then he pointed the gun at the police and they shot him. I ran to him and I just couldn’t understand why he would do something like this. I took him into my arms and held him.”

“He could barely speak but told me that he loved me and was sorry and if I could forgive him. I just held him and told him that I loved him and I forgave him and then he was gone.”

“You’ve been through a lot Jessica, and I think it would be a good idea if you start coming in once a week. It’s going to take time to get over all of this, but you will. I think it’s also a good idea for you to continue attending the group meeting. I’m going to increase your medication for the next little while, which should help with the anxiety. How are you doing with sleeping, Jessica?”

“I’m able to sleep, but I find myself waking up throughout the night, and I still have the nightmares.”

Dr. Humphrey wrote out a prescription. “This should help you sleep, take 1 or 2 pills about an hour before you are ready for bed.”

“When is your father’s funeral?” She asked.

“It’s on Friday at 1pm”

“I am leaving an appointment open for 3pm, if you need to talk just come in, and if I don’t see you on Friday then I will see you next Wednesday, Jessica.”

“Alright, Dr. Humphrey, thanks for squeezing me in.”

“You’re welcome Jessica, and if you need to talk you can call me anytime and I’ll try to squeeze you in.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

After leaving Dr. Humphrey’s office I found Mom waiting for me. She was reading one of the magazines. I smiled, then walked over to the receptionist and asked for an appointment for next Wednesday.

Once I had the appointment Mom and I said goodbye. We headed out to her car. I felt emotionally exhausted, and along the way I had to stop and use the ladies room to freshen up my makeup. I really looked as bad as I felt and decided that in the future I would refrain from wearing makeup when I visited Dr. Humphrey’s office.

The drive home was a quiet one, with neither one of us really saying much and I was thankful that Mom never asked me too many questions. I really wasn’t in the mood to talk about how I was feeling, and talking to Dr. Humphrey had left me feeling completely worn out. Once Mom and I arrived home, I headed off to my room and quickly fell asleep from exhaustion.

[-][+][-]

 

End of part 4

To be continued in part 5

Jessica’s Journey

 Sequel to Andrews Dilemma

 By, Cain129

Part 5

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis:   Over the last three months life hasn’t been very easy for Jessica. First was the suicide attempt, then she finally accepted that she could no longer live a lie as Andrew, and she truly became Jessica for good. The transition was a tough one, with many trials and tribulations, like meeting her mother as a girl for the first time and eventually getting (and giving) forgiveness.

The worst was the kidnapping and facing her father for the first time as a girl, only to have him die in her arms. Dealing with the aftermath of his death has been difficult, but Jessica has something that Andrew never did. She has the love and support of her adopted family and her friends, and for the first time in her life, she didn’t have to handle everything by herself.

 

Chapter 13

 

After seeing Dr. Humphrey, I was pretty much a basket case. For the next few days, I concentrated on trying to get back into my normal life, with my school work and cheer practice. I noticed that I couldn’t find time to just be alone. It seemed that there was always someone with me. Britney and Natasha would pop up, or maybe Jennifer and Megan wanted to hang out, and when none of them were around there were always Scotty. I knew what they were doing, of course. They were trying to keep me busy so I didn’t have time to think about everything that had happened, and to be honest, I was grateful that they were there.

Most evening I spent studying, and sometimes Dad and I would practice different songs together. It was fun, but I think that he was enjoying it more then I was. Scotty and the guys started inviting me to their practice sessions, and we would just play around with different songs, trying to make them our own. I loved doing this because it allowed me to be creative with the music, which was something that I really enjoyed.

Thursday rolled around before I knew it, and I was busy going through my closet. I was looking for something to wear for Dad’s funeral, but couldn’t really seem to find anything appropriate. It looked like I needed to go shopping to find something that I could wear, so I made my way into the living room where Mom was busy working on something on the computer. I really didn’t want to bother her, but I needed her help.

“Mom,” I said, getting her attention. “I don’t have anything that would be appropriate for the funeral tomorrow. Do you think we can go to the mall after you’re done? I could really use your help with picking out a dress.”

  “Sure baby, let me just finish up here and we can get going.”

“Thanks Mom, I appreciate it.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

After Mom finished up on the computer, the two of us headed for the mall. Under normal circumstances I would have really enjoyed going on a shopping trip with my mother, but these weren’t normal circumstances. I really just wanted to get the dress and leave, but that just wasn’t the case. It’s impossible for a girl to go shopping and leave with just one outfit, especially when you’re shopping with your mother and she thinks everything she sees would look perfect on you.

I would be lying, though, if I said that I didn’t enjoy spending time with Mom. I would have given anything to have moments like this with my birth mother, but that wasn’t meant to be. She never took the time to really get know me, if she had then things might have been different between us.

There was still this part of me that wanted a relationship with her, even after everything that had happened between us. I know that Megan and the others think that I am crazy, but life is not that simple.

She would always be my mother and I would always love her, just like I loved my father. He made my life a living hell at times, but there was always a part of me that craved his love and support. I think that before his death I might have finally reached him, but the years of drinking had taken their toll on him and his sanity. He took his own life, even if it wasn’t by his own hands. He chose to raise his gun at the police, knowing full well that they would be forced to defend themselves.

“Jessica, are you alright?” Mom asked, looking worried

“Sorry Mom, I’m alright, my mind is just not really into shopping. I keep thinking about what happened and about the funeral tomorrow.”

“Let’s find you a dress and we’ll grab a coffee afterwards.” Mom said sadly.

“I’m sorry Mom, under normal conditions, I love to spend the day shopping with you, but at the moment things are a little messed up.”

“There’s no reason to be sorry Jessica, we can go shopping anytime.” Mom said as she put her arm around my shoulder.

Eventually we found a dress that we felt was appropriate. It was a nice black dress that came down just past my knees, with thin shoulder straps and a thin white sweater to go with it. The two of us made it over to footwear, and we started looking for a pair of black pumps that would match my dress.

After trying on several different ones, we eventually picked out a pair that I could walk in without too much trouble. I was really not that accustomed to walking in heels, as up ‘til now I had been wearing mostly sneakers or sandals. After Mom paid for our purchases we headed over to Starbucks and grabbed a couple of coffees, then found a quiet place to sit.

 

[-][+][-]

 

“It looks like you’re ready for tomorrow now, are you sure that you don’t want me to go with you, honey?” Mom asked, then took a drink of her coffee.

“Everything should be alright, Mom. There are going to be a lot of family members there, and I’m not too worried about Mom’s side of the family.”

“I imagine that my birth mother has already told my Aunt Janet about me and it’s not like anyone is going to be there other than Dad’s side of the family.   I was going to have to face them eventually anyway.” I took a drink of my coffee. “I’ll be glad when it’s all over with, then all I will have to deal with is the camping trip.”

“Well honey, I just want you to know that if you need me, you can just call and I’ll come and get you. If you have any problems, I want you to let me know, alright Jessica?” Mom asked.

“I promise Mom, but I really doubt that anything is going to happen, at least not at the funeral. Afterwards though, who knows when it comes to Dad’s side of the family?   I really don’t trust any of them.” I said, frowning.

  “That’s what worries me, Jessica. I’m not really worried about Sarah anymore. I think if she was going to cause any trouble, she would have by now.”

“Yeah, I can’t see her causing any trouble either. She wants to have a relationship with me, even if it isn’t as mother and daughter.”

“We haven’t really talked about it Jessica, but how do you feel about Sarah?” Mom asked, sounding slightly frustrated.

I looked over at her. “She may have giving birth to me, but in every way that matters, you’re my mother. If it came down to making a choice between the two of you, then it’s an easy choice. I would choose you.”

Mom smiled. “You’re not going to have to make that choice, honey. I just wanted to know how you felt, now that the two of you are talking.”

“I want to have a relationship with her, now that she is actually trying, but she needs to get on with her own life. Just like I had to do, but it’s not easy to change.”

“You’re right Jessica, change is never easy, especially when it comes to the person that you are and the person that you want to be. I know that it hasn’t been easy for you either, but you are living proof that a person can change.”

“Just look at yourself now, compared to the person that you were three months ago. You’ve grown up so much, in such a short time.   When you first moved in with us you were filled with hatred towards your mother and father, and even towards yourself.   Somehow along the way you were able to forgive them, even after everything that they had done to you. To be honest with you I don’t know if I would be able to do the same if I was in your place, sweetheart.” Mom admitted.

“I just got tired of holding on to all that crap, it was making me sick and I didn’t want to end up like my mother. She carried everything that had happened to her all of her life, and look at the choices she made because of it. She couldn’t put the past behind her, and she couldn’t deal with life, let alone being a mother to her child. In the end, she had a complete nervous breakdown and lost everything. That isn’t going to happen to me,” I said firmly. “I’m not going to make the same mistakes that she did.”  

“I don’t think that you have to worry about that happening Jessica. If you ask me you are more mature then most kids your age.”

“Yeah, maybe, but in many ways I had no choice but to grow up fast, especially when you come from the kind of household I was raised in.”

“Well honey, that’s all in the past now, and what happens in the future is really up to you.” Mom said with a smile.

“I prefer to live a day at a time, life is less complicated that way.” I said with a determined smile.

“Whatever works for you, baby.” Mom said as she drank her coffee.

 

[-][+][-]

We finished our coffees, and then we had to pick up the sleeping pills that Dr. Humphrey had prescribed. The pharmacy wasn’t very busy, and the lady told us that it would be ready in 10 minutes, so we just spent the time looking around the store checking out what was on sale.

Had we thought of it earlier we could have called it in, but I guess neither one of us gave it much thought. It wasn’t that bad and the time eventually passed. Mom and I retrieved the sleeping pills and were on our way home. I was already pretty tired out, and to be honest I really didn’t see any use in taking the sleeping pills tonight other then being able to sleep through the night.

After arriving home Mom went back to her computer, and I headed off to my room to hang up my new dress, then I spent the next hour working on my homework. Over the last week I had managed to close the gap and was almost caught up in all of my subjects. I devoted most of my time to catching up rather then worrying about the new assignments.   I had been attending classes when most of that was being taught, so I had most of it memorized and was able to do that homework during study period.

Just before I was ready to head off for bed for the night, there was a knock on my door.

“Jessica, can I come in?”   Megan said

“It’s open, sis.” I said, and then she came inside.

“I just was wondering how you made out tonight?” Megan said, wanting to see the dress that mom and I bought.

“We did alright, but I really wasn’t in a shopping mood. I was just glad to get the dress and leave, want to see it?” I said with a smile.

Megan smiled. “Sure, that would be nice.”

I walked over and opened my closet, then took it out along with the white sweater and my new black pumps. I brought it over and placed them on my bed.

“Wow Jessica, this is really nice, but where is your slip?   This material is a little thin to wear without one.” Megan said picking up my black dress.

“I didn’t even notice that I would need one, and I guess Mom didn’t either. Do you have one that I could borrow for tomorrow, Megan?”

“Yeah, I have a few black ones that should do the job.” Megan said with a smile.

“I love the dress though; you should hang on to it. You never know, Scotty might take you to a fancy restaurant.” Megan teased as she hung my dress back up in the closet then joined me on the bed.

Megan and I talked for a bit mostly about Jeff, he had called her while Mom and I were at the mall and asked her out on another date. I was happy for her, she really seemed to be hitting it off with Jeff, and to be honest I really liked him and thought the two of them were good for each other, and I told Megan so.

Megan could tell that I was getting pretty tired after taking my meds and she left me to get some sleep. The pills seemed to do the job, because I was pretty much out cold as soon as I changed into my nightgown and climbed into bed for the night.

 

 

Chapter 14

 

The next morning, I was once again awakened by that damn woodpecker, and I thought to myself of all the places the little bugger could find breakfast, why did it have to be outside my damn window. I slowly made my way over and opened the window, and the noisy little pain turned and looked over at me. “Don’t you have somewhere else you can go for breakfast?”   The little bugger started bopping his head and then went back to looking for his breakfast.

I thought to myself, who needs an alarm clock with this little pain in the ass showing up every morning? I spent most of next hour having a nice bath, fixing my hair, getting dressed and doing my makeup. After I was finished, I looked in the mirror and said to myself it was time to face the world. I made my way into the kitchen, and found Mom already busily making breakfast as I walked inside.  

“Good morning, Mom.” I said taking a coffee mug and filling it.

“Good morning honey, how did you sleep?”

“Alright I guess, the pills seemed to help.” I said as I poured some milk and sugar into my coffee.

“That’s good honey, things will be better after today.” Mom said with a smile.

“I know Mom, I just want to get it over with, the less time I spend around my family the better, especially Dad’s side of the family.”

“Well after this Jessica, you won’t have to bother with any of them again.”

“Thank God, that’s one chapter of my life I want to put behind me.” I said smiling.

“I can’t say that I blame you Jessica.” Mom said as she placed a plate of eggs and bacon in front of me.

“I’d better get your sister up, otherwise she’ll never get out of bed. I wish that she was more like you. Most mornings you’re up early and ready to go.” Mom said.

“Megan doesn’t have a woodpecker as an alarm clock like I do.” I giggled.

 

[-][+][-]

 

As I sat there I wondered, was it truly over or was this just a grace period before the something else happened? I have been having this nagging feeling for the last couple of days that some bad was going to happen, but considering all that I had been through, was it just my mind playing tricks on me? I guess time would tell in any event, but for the moment I had a funeral to deal with.

A few minutes later Megan made her way into the kitchen. I could tell that she was still half asleep. “Good morning, sis.” I said with a smile.

“Good morning Jessica.” Megan yawned, as she took a seat at the table. “That dress really suits you.”

“Thanks Megan, Mom and I went through a lot of different ones before finding this one. This was the only one that I really liked, most of the other ones I saw wouldn’t have been appropriate for a funeral.”

“I like it though, it’s a shame that you have to wear it to a funeral, because it would also be good for a dressy date out with Scotty.” Megan said with a smile.

“I doubt that Jessica would be able to wear it very long anyway, she is starting to fill out.” Mom said with a smile. “I would imagine that before long, we’re going to need to do some real shopping.”

“Yeah, Mom’s right, I’ve noticed that my clothes are starting to feel a little tight.”

“I need a few things too, maybe next week we can see what Britney, Natasha and Jennifer are up to. Maybe we could spend the day at the mall shopping, hmmm?” Megan said with a hopeful smile and puppy dog eyes.

“Sounds like fun, and I could always use some help.” I said, giggling at her.

“That’s one of the bonuses of shopping as a group.   I know that sometimes I see something that I think looks good on me at the store, but once I bring it home and see it under another light, I realize that it really wasn’t what I wanted. Then it pretty much ends up hanging up in my closet and never gets used.” Megan said frowning.

“I think that’s normal, whether you are a boy or girl. I’ve found the same thing when I went shopping for jeans, they seemed like a good fit until I was wearing them and had a chance to really see how they looked on me. It was then that I really noticed that the style didn’t suit me. Then again, they were boy’s jeans and because of my condition I was already developing as a woman. So there was really no way that they would have fit correctly anyway.” I said smiling.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After breakfast Megan headed off to school while Mom and I did up the dishes. I spent most of the morning doing up my homework and listening to music in my room. There were a few phone calls that came in as I worked. One was from my birth mother, wanting to know if I was going to be at the funeral.  

I really didn’t want to be rude but it was really hard to talk to her about Dad. I would talk to her eventually but today was his funeral and I was having a hard enough time holding things together as it was. I told her I would see her at the funeral and we could talk afterwards if she wanted, then I ended the call and went back to my studies.  

 

[-][+][-]

 

The rest of the morning went by pretty calmly, and before long it was time for Mom and me to get going.   The ride was a quiet one and as we pulled into the parking lot, I saw a familiar car parked and inside it was Scotty. I looked over at Mom.

“Did you know that Scotty was going to be here?” I asked.

“Yes honey, he called this morning and wanted to know where the service was and what time it was being held.” Mom said smiling. “You better go, honey,” she said, giving me a hug and kiss. I smiled and told her that I would see her later, and then got out of the car. I ran over to Scotty’s car and climbed in the passenger side

“You didn’t have to come, Scotty I would have been alright, but I am glad to see you.” I said, leaning over and giving him a hug and kiss.

“I love you Jessica, do you really think that I would let you go through something like the alone?” Scotty asked with a smile.

“Believe me, Scotty, I’m happy to see you and I wanted to ask you, but there are going to be people here that are not going to be happy to see me, and I didn’t want to put you in middle of it.” I said sadly

“Jessica, what can they say that I don’t already know? Secondly, do I really look like I give a flying fuck what anyone has to say about you? I love you and that is really all that matters. Whatever they thought you were in the past doesn’t make any difference to me, because as far as I am concerned you have always been a girl.” Scotty said smugly.

Hearing those words coming from Scotty pretty much brought me to tears. Over the last three months the two of us had become really close. I had never been in love with anyone, but I knew at that moment that I truly loved Scotty, and I knew whatever happened that I could depend on him. All of my life the only person that I could really depend on was myself. Life was easier that way. I had been hurt too many times by the people that were supposed to love and protect me, but as I looked into Scotty’s eyes I knew that I could finally let go and trust someone.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Scotty and I just stayed in the car for awhile, until it was time to go inside.

“Are you ready?” Scotty asked

“Yeah honey, lets get this over with.” I said sadly, but with determination.

Once the two of us climbed out of Scotty’s car, Scotty took my hand and gave it a squeeze and the two of us made our way inside the funeral home. I looked around and saw that most of Dad’s family was already there, and then I saw my Aunt Janet and my mother who was beside her. I turned to Scotty. “There is my mom and Aunt Janet. We’ll sit with them, alright?” I said and the two of us made our way over to where my mother was sitting.

“Hi Mom, Aunt Janet.” I said as Scotty and I approached.

When Mom turned, she smiled and gave me a hug. “Jessica, I’m so glad you made it!”

I looked over at Aunt Janet and smiled, by the look on her face I knew that she was surprised. I definitely wasn’t what she was expecting, but she shook her head then came over and took me in her arms.

“Sarah said you were beautiful, but I thought that it was just a mother’s opinion, Jessica.   She‘s right, though, you really are.” Aunt Janet said with a smile. She turned to Scotty, then back to me.

“And who is this handsome young man with you?”

“Mom, Aunt Janet, this is my boyfriend Scotty.” I said happily.

“It’s nice to meet the both of you,” Scotty said with a smile.

“How long have the two of you the two of you been dating?” Mom asked.

“We started dating three months ago, but have known each other for a couple of years.” Scotty said with a smile.

“The two of you make a nice couple.” Aunt Janet said with a smile.

“Yeah, the only thing that the two of us don’t have in common is football. He loves it and I hate it, but nobody’s perfect.” I said smiling.

“You seemed to enjoy yourself at the last game?” Scotty said.

“Yeah, I did, but that was because you were playing, otherwise I would have never gone to the game.” I admitted to him.

I guess Aunt Janet found our verbal banner funny and she started giggling. “Are you sure that the two of you have only been seeing each other for just three months? You act like an old married couple.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, ‘cause in many ways the relationship that I shared with Scotty was deeper then just two teenagers in love, maybe because most kids our age never had to deal with the same issues that I’ve had to deal with. We didn’t have time to continue our conversation as Pastor Myers started the service.

Mom was an emotional basket case for most of the service. I had taken a seat next to her, and pretty much ended up holding her as she cried for most of the service. I found myself crying too, as I thought about those last moments that I had spent with my father as I held him in my arms.

I thanked God for Scotty being there with me, because he just held me and I felt safe in his arms. Every now and then he would kiss me. I had never felt this kind of love before, and as I sat there I thanked God for the life that he had given me. It might not have started out the way that I wished it would have, but then again when does life ever work out the way you planned?

 

[-][+][-]

 

It was a nice service and most of Dad’s family and friends were here. For the most part I felt comfortable, until I got that feeling you get when someone is staring at you. I looked over and ended up locking eyes with my Uncle James, my father’s younger brother and he didn’t look all that happy to see me there.

After the service ended I turned to Scotty. “We’d better get going. I don’t like the looks that I’m getting from Dad’s side of the family.” I watched my uncle talking to the rest of the family and I saw the nasty way they looked at me as Uncle James pointed me out to them. I turned to Mom and Aunt Janet.

“It was nice talking to you both, and I hope that we can do it again sometime under better circumstances.”

“Jessica, you’re welcome to visit anytime.” Aunt Janet said as she reached over and gave me a hug. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t have been there for you in the past. Let’s just say your father and I never really got along. He was too much like my own father, and being around him brought back all those bad memories. I would really welcome the chance to get to know my niece.”

I smiled, happy for her acceptance. “Aunt Janet, I don’t blame you for not wanting to visit. When Dad drank, he was a monster that didn’t care about anyone but himself. I had to live with his mental and physical abuse for years.

Towards the end though, the monster was gone and I had a chance to spend time with the father that I knew and loved all those years ago, before the drinking drove him insane. Before he died he asked me to forgive him. I came here today for him, not the monster that helped raise me.

Let’s just leave the past where it belongs, Aunt Janet. I would love to get to know you better and once everything is settled down, I’ll call you.”

I turned to Mom. “I love you, Mom. I’ll give you a call you once I get back from my camping trip, and we can get the house sorted together.”

Mom reached over and took me in her arms. “I love you too, Jessica and thanks for coming. I don’t think I would have been able to make it though this without you.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

After Scotty and I said our goodbyes, the two of us made our way outside and started walking towards where Scotty had parked his car, only to be cut off by my Uncle James and my Aunt Karen.

“How dare you show your face here, you’re the reason that he died. If there wasn’t anyone else here believe me, I would beat you to an inch of your life, you fucking sissy.” Uncle James said in anger.

I looked at my uncle and could feel my own anger coming to a head. “You fucking bastard, the reason he’s dead was because he kidnapped me and refused to let the cops take him. He killed himself, and if you had half a brain you would realize that.”

Had I been thinking at the time, I might not have said what I did, but I wasn’t thinking, I was reacting. Before I knew what happened, I was on the ground with blood coming from my nose and my head hurt really badly from hitting the ground. That’s when everything went black.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Jessica’s Journey

Sequel to Andrews Dilemma

By, Cain129

Part 6

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis:   Jessica had a feeling that something bad was going to happen, and on the day of her father’s funeral that fear turned out to be justified. A run in with her Uncle James resulted in Jessica being assaulted and unconscious.

Chapter 15

 

All I can tell you is what my birth mother and Aunt Janet have told me, because I wasn’t awake to see what followed. After I hit the ground and everything went black, Scotty lost it and jumped my uncle James. They both ended up on the ground with Scotty on top, delivering punch after punch to my uncle. By the time that the police arrived, Uncle James was lying on the ground, beaten so bad that they had to take him to the hospital. Chances were that he wouldn’t be eating solid foods for quite some time.

The police had originally tried to arrest Scotty, but Mom and Aunt Janet stepped in and told the police what happened. They still took Scotty to the police station, but Aunt Janet went with him. She gave them her statement, as did a few others that witnessed Uncle James assaulting me and the fight that ensued between Scotty and Uncle James.

I called Janice, my adopted mom, and she came to the hospital to get me. I was checked out by a doctor at the hospital, and he cleared me to go home. He set my broken nose, and told me I had a mild concussion. There was really nothing much that they could do for me, other than observe me over the next few hours and prescribe painkillers. Considering my adopted mother was a doctor, and quite capable of watching me herself, he decided that there really wasn’t much use in keeping me. If something went wrong, Mom would pretty much know what had to be done.

After being released I said goodbye to my birth mother and told her I would give her a call later. Before she left she gave me a hug and kiss. “I’m sorry this happened, honey.”

“It’s not your fault Mom, you didn’t do anything wrong. Uncle James was to blame, and Scotty took care of him. Thanks for staying with me though, Mom. I imagine you’ve had enough of hospitals for awhile.” I told her, jokingly.

“The last thing I was thinking about was the hospital, Jessica. I was more worried about you than anything.” She said sadly.

“Still, you were here for me, and that means a lot to me.” I leaned over and gave her a kiss. “Tell Aunt Janet that I’m alright, and I’ll give her a call soon.

[-][+][-]

After saying my goodbyes to my birth mother, Mom and I made the drive home. It was nice to get out of the hospital. I had spent enough time there over the last three months that I really wasn’t looking to spend anymore time there then needed.

“Do you feel like talking about what happened, Jessica?” Mom asked, concerned.

“Not really Mom, I’m just glad it’s all over with. I knew eventually something like this was going to happen. I’m just glad that it happened where I had lots of witnesses. Something tells me that I won’t be hearing from Uncle James anytime soon. There’s no way that he can talk his way out of this, there were too many witnesses.

I feel bad for Scotty, though. He shouldn’t have to put up with all of the baggage that I carry. If it was me in his shoes I‘d have likely just walked away. But he doesn’t feel that way, and I love him.”

Mom smiled. “Honey, he stays because he loves you. I was wrong about the two of you. I thought he would hinder your recovery because of everything that happened, but he’s had the opposite effect. Instead of making your life more complicated, he has helped you become the person you are today.

Don’t get me wrong Jessica. Most boys his age only care about one thing, Sex. It’s rare to find someone his age that is mature enough to realize there is more to a relationship than just sex. When you find someone like that, you should hold on to them with all of your heart. Scotty is a lot like your Anthony, he’s a keeper.

“Some boys his age would have been scared half to death to stand up to a grown man like your uncle. From what Sarah said, Scotty didn’t think twice. He jumped your uncle and beat him to a pulp. That alone tells me more then anything how much he cares for you, Jessica.” Mom said with a smile.

I smiled, “Yeah, Scotty is not like most of the boys I know. He’s special, and never once made me feel any less of a girl because of how I was born. Most guys would have run if when they found out that I was raised to be a boy. Scotty’s different, he knows the truth about who I was before, but he only sees me as a girl and not some messed up freak.” I said as the tears began to run down my face. “I really don’t deserve him Mom, but God help me, I love him and can’t picture living my life without him there.”

“I don’t think you have to worry about that honey, what you two have can only get stronger with time. Besides, something tells me if I told you to stop seeing him you would tell me to go straight to hell.” Mom said, giggling.

I shook my head. “I don’t think that I would use those exact words Mom, but yeah, I would definitely tell you where to go and how to get there.” I said and the two of us started giggling. “They say laughter is the best medicine, but evidently whoever said that didn’t have a broken nose and concussion, because laughter hurts like hell.”

Chapter 16

 

After arriving home I was met by Megan and Jennifer, who came running as Mom and I walked though the front door. It wasn’t long before both of them were hugging me half to death.

“Jessica, are you all right?” Megan said looking worried. “I was so worried when I saw the note Mom left for me.

“Yeah, we were just about to take a cab to the hospital,” Jennifer said as she continued hugging me.

“I’m fine, it’s just a broken nose, and it will heal. My uncle James got the worst of it though. Scotty beat him up really bad.”

“What about Scotty, is he alright?” Megan asked, looking a little worried.

“Yeah, he and my Aunt Janet went to the police station to file a report. I need to call him and tell him that I’m home.”

After talking with Megan and Jennifer for a few minutes I called Scotty’s cell phone and within a few rings he answered.

“Hi baby, are you alright?”

“Yeah Jessica, I‘m fine, just a black eye and a few bruises. I’m on my way over to your place now. Your aunt and I were just at the hospital, and they told us that you were already released.

I should be about 30 minutes. I’ll be dropping your Aunt off first. She says that she wants to talk to you, so I’m handing the phone over to her now, honey. I’ll see you in a bit, love you baby.”

“I love you too more.” I said into the phone before my Aunt spoke up.

“Hi Jessica, how are you doing? Sorry I couldn’t stay at the hospital, but someone had to go to the police station with Scotty. That retarded uncle of yours was trying to say that Scotty started the fight and he wanted to press charges. He was saying that Scotty assaulted him, but your mother and I saw the whole thing, as did everyone else that was in the parking lot.”

“I just wanted to make sure that the police arrested the right person and none of James family was able to lie to the police about him. Thank God it happened where there were witnesses otherwise he might have got away with it.” Aunt Janet said, sounding tired out.

“Thanks for taking care of Scotty Aunt Janet. You’re right, Dad’s side of the family would have lied and tried to make it look like Uncle James was the victim. I hope they throw the book at him.” I said, angrily. “Don’t worry about me Aunt Janet. I’m alright, nothing that a little rest won’t fix, anyway.”

“Well, you give me a call when you’re feeling better, Jessica. Take care of yourself, and for God’s sake don’t let that man of yours get away.”

“Believe me, Aunt Janet I’m not letting him get away.” I said, smiling. “I’ll give you a call later in the week, Aunt Janet, and thanks for taking care of everything for me.”

“Anytime love, talk to you later Jessica.” Janet said as she ended the call.

After getting off the phone, I headed off to the washroom to have a better look at the damage. It looked bad, but it would heal up in time. I was emotionally exhausted and knew that I was still somewhat numb to what happened, maybe even in shock. I knew that I should have been angrier than I was, but deep down I had known that something like this could happen, and I had emotionally prepared myself. I found myself more worried about Scotty’s safety then my own.

[-][+][-]

I spent the next 10 minutes in the bath room redoing my makeup and trying to cover up the bruises with only mild success. Women have been doing that trick for years, but I was not all that successful. I guess like anything, practice makes perfect and this was a skill that I would sooner not have to learn. I have no intension of becoming any man’s punching bag.

With everything that had happened, I needed a little bit of time to myself and just hung out in my room, I was laying on my bed with I heard a knock on my door. “It’s open!” I called out.

“I thought it was Scotty, but it turned out to be Dad that walked through the door. “Hi baby, I just wanted to check on you, are you alright?”

“Yes, Daddy. I’m fine, well a little shook up, but I’ll be alright”

“I should have been there with you today!”

“It’s alright Daddy, it’s not your fault. It would have happened if you were there or not. Uncle James is going to jail, where he belongs. Believe me, I’ll have no problem going to court and telling them what happened, and as far as I’m concerned, he can rot in jail.

“Well, I’m just glad you are alright honey. If you need to talk you know where to find Me.” Daddy said as he gave me a hug and a kiss on my forehead.

“I love you, Daddy.” I told him, returning his hug

“I know sweetie, I love you too,” he said, and I felt so secure and protected.

Dad and I were still talking, when I heard someone knocking on my door. I turned and saw that it was Scotty! The poor guy looked like he had been in a fight with Rocky and lost.   I ran over to him and pretty much jumped into his arms. The two of us just held and kissed one another, carefully avoiding my poor nose.

Once I came up for air, I looked Scotty in the eyes. “I was so worried about you”

“I’m alright Jessica, believe me, I’ve been through worse. I’m just happy that you are alright, honey.”

Dad got up and came over and shook Scotty’s hand. “I want to thank you for taking care my daughter. When the two of you started dating, Janice and I thought it was a bad idea. I know now that we were wrong.”

“It’s alright Mr. Tanner, considering everything that Jessica’s been through. I can understand why you would feel that way, but to be honest with you, even if you had forbid me from seeing Jessica, I wouldn’t have been able to stay away. I love her and have from the moment she came into my life.”

Dad smiled, “I can see that now Scotty, and you have my blessing. You will most likely end up being my son in law anyway.”

Chapter 17

 

Scotty stayed with me most of the night, and the two of us just laid in bed together. It felt so good to be held by him. The two of us talked most of the night until I eventually ended up passing out in his arms. I awoke from my sleep when Scotty was trying to pry himself free from my clutches.   “Honey, I wish that you didn’t have to go.” I said sleepily.

“Sorry baby, you know that I’d love to stay but something tells me your parents wouldn’t approve, and I’m already an hour past my curfew.”

“It’s alright, Scotty I understand, but you owe me a kiss before you go.”

Scotty smiled, then leaned over and kissed me. As the two of us kissed I wrapped my arms around his neck and found myself returning his kiss with a passion inside me that I didn’t even know existed.

“See you tomorrow, honey.” I told him once I finally let him go.

“You can count on it honey. Love you baby.” Scotty said with a smile.

“I love you more Scotty.” I said grinning.

Scotty laughed. “That’s not possible, but anyway honey, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

[-][+][-]

That night I’d like to say that I had a well rested sleep, but that wasn’t the case. Even with the medicine that Dr. Humphrey prescribed, I was still unable to really get much sleep. What little sleep that I did have was haunted with nightmares of what had happened at Dad’s funeral.   I’d tried to be strong and hold my feeling together while I was around family and friends, but now that I was alone they were free, and I couldn’t help but cry.

It was all so stupid, his death was not my fault. I tried to save him, but he wouldn’t listen to me. They blame me for his death, like he was the victim not me.

“I am so tired of all this bullshit! God, please. just make it all stop. Let me be happy for once in my freaking life!” I cried out.

I cried myself to sleep and by the time I woke up it was after 9am. It felt like I hadn’t slept at all. I slowly pulled myself out of bed, rather surprised that for the first time this week, my evil nemesis wasn’t outside my window ramming his beak into the side of the house. Maybe the little bugger decided to piss off someone else for a change, I thought to myself.

I slowly made my way into the bathroom and started running a hot bath. I’d been pretty lazy last night, and never bothered changing. My new dress was pretty much ruined, it was covered in blood. I undressed and tossed it into the garbage then took off my slip, panties and bra, tossed them in the laundry hamper, climbed into that bath and leaned back , trying to relax.

I pretty much just laid there for close to an hour, not wanting to face the world and trying to figure out what I wanted to do for today. I had made plans to spend the weekend camping with Amy and Tara, but to be honest it was really the last thing that I wanted to do at the moment.

Even though it would have done me good to get away from everything, I guess there was this little part of me that just wanted to hide from the world and feel sorry for myself. I just didn’t have that luxury.   I made a promise to Amy and Tara to join them, and besides Scotty would be there with me.   I climbed out of the bathtub and pulled out the stopper, then grabbed a towel and started drying myself off. I then made my way back into my bedroom and grabbed a clean pair of panties and bra from the dresser and started getting dressed.

Today was going to be a tee shirt and jeans kind of day. Something told me tracking though the woods in a sundress and sandals really wouldn’t be very wise. After getting dressed I started filling up my backpack with everything that I would need for the weekend, Jeans, my blue sundress in case we end up going into town, my makeup, a few blouses and a couple on tank tops and lastly my new bikini, which I knew Scotty would enjoy more then me.

Once everything was packed up and was ready to go. I rolled up the sleeping bag that I had borrowed from Megan, then tied it off and attached it to the bottom of my backpack. As far as the tent went, Scotty was going to take care of that. He was also going to bring both of his acoustic guitars so that the two of us could practice together, which was something that I was really looking forward to. It seemed like whenever the two of us played together, there was like a perfect union of sound and thought. What made it special was that it was something we both loved, although the two of us had our own styles when it came to music that we liked to play.

Me, I was a county girl at heart while Scotty was into rock music. It really showed in the way he played his guitar, but he was a true musician and gifted enough that he could pretty much play any kind of music. Like me, he could pick up a song by listening to it, playing it through a couple of times, and then he could play it without much trouble. This ability was a rare gift that the two of us shared.

“Maybe this weekend won’t to be too bad.” I smiled to myself.

After carrying my backpack into the living room and leaving it near the front door, I could hear the sound of Mom, Dad and Megan in the kitchen having breakfast together, and I made my way inside.

“Good morning honey, how are you doing this morning?”

“Good morning Mom, I’m doing alright, although I didn’t really sleep very well.” I said pouring myself a coffee and joining everyone at the table.

“That’s understandable, especially after everything that happened yesterday.” Dad said with a frown.

“Are you still going camping Jessica?” asked Megan.

“Yeah, part of me isn’t really into it, but I think it will do me some good just to get away from everything, even if it’s just for the weekend.”

“You might be right, it’s not going to help much moping around the house, and you haven’t spent much time with Amy lately.” Megan said with a smile.

“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to, it just seems every time we make plans to get together something happens. I think it’ll do us both some good to have some time together alone. I really have missed her. “I said sadly.

“What time are you planning on leaving honey?” asked Dad.

  “Scotty and I will be heading over to Amy’s and Tara’s apartment, then we’ll make the trip there together.”

“Just make sure you have your phone charged honey, and keep in touch with us.” Mom said. Her voice sounding worried.

“Don’t worry Mommy, I’m alright. I know I look terrible, but I’ve been through worse. These are just bruises, but what Scotty did to my uncle will take much longer to heal” I said, proudly smiling.

What did Scotty do to him?” asked Megan

“Nothing much, just two black eyes, broken nose, broken Jaw and a few broken ribs. Nothing less then what that creep deserved.” I said with a smile.

“Maybe your uncle will get it through his head that it’s not a good idea to beat on a girl when her boyfriend is with her.” Megan said sarcastically.

“Nope, my uncle’s not that bright, but maybe eating from a straw for the next month will at least be a reminder of his stupidity.”

“The only thing that is bothering me is why I haven’t heard from the police, don’t they have to take a statement for me to press charges against my uncle?”

“There is a good reason for that Jessica. The assault happened in the open and there were plenty of witnesses. The police were able to press charges without your consent. They already have your Aunt’s statement on file as well as Scotty’s, so there really was no reason for them to bother you. They may still want to question you sometime in the future, but they have more then enough to put your uncle in jail for quite some time.” Dad said with a smile.

“I hope that they lock him up for a very long time” Megan said in anger.

“I doubt that will happen, he’ll likely be released in six months with good behavior. It’s not like he can really get into much trouble behind bars.” I said sadly.

“Jessica’s right, it’s not fair but that’s how our justice system works. Most of the time the criminals seem to have more rights then the victim. It really shouldn’t be that way but that is just how things seem to work.” Mom said frowning.

“That’s not fair!” Megan said in frustration.

“Life’s not always fair, it’s just the way things are Megan. Thanks to Scotty, though. I guess that he’s received a fitting punishment. It will be awhile before he can even eat a normal meal, and he must be in a lot of pain. When they release him from the hospital, all he has is jail to look forward to. I would imagine that he’s in no hurry to be discharged from the hospital, knowing what is waiting him in jail.” I said with a smile

“It serves him right. He should be thankful that Scotty got to him, and that it wasn’t me, I would have beaten him half to death.” Daddy said, sounding really angry.

“I’m glad you weren’t there, Daddy. I’ve already lost one father and the last thing I want is to have you thrown in jail. I couldn’t bear losing you too.” I said as my eyes began to tear up.

“That will never happen Jessica. Even when I’m an old man and you’re married and have a family of your own, I will always be your father and you will always be my little girl. That goes for you too, Megan and I’m very proud of both of you. I know that I’m not always around. But I love the both of you more than you will ever know.” Dad said with a big smile.

“We love you too Daddy,” Megan said as she wiped her eyes, I guess that I wasn’t the only one who was crying.

“Yeah, just like Megan said Daddy, but I love you more.” I said giggling.

“Yeah right sis,” Megan said as she chucked a soggy cheerio at me it landed on my forehead, which forced me to return the favor. Mom finally made us stop, but only after Dad started feeling left out and nailed mom between the eyes with one of his own. With behavior like this, it might make you wonder who was the parent and who was the child, but really, who cares?   We were all having fun.

[-][+][-]

I have to admit that I love times like this, and being part of a real family that enjoyed spending time together. Even just doing stupid little things like this meant something. These would be the memories that I would look back on later in life. I was so lucky to have them in my life, to have parents that cared about me and to have a sister that I could share silly moments like this with. It was moments like this that made all the hardship that had plagued me throughout the years seem manageable. I no longer felt like I was looking from the outside in and being jealous of what other people had, because as far as my life goes, I have everything that I ever wanted and more.

[-][+][-]

Meanwhile a few hours later across town, James Roberts lies in a hospital bed, handcuffed to the bed. Outside his room, a police officer waits for the doctors to clear James Roberts to be taken to jail.   A little ways down the hall, the officer notices some commotion. He quickly decides that he should try to help, and he leaves to check out what is going on.

Once the officer leaves, a nurse enters the room and quietly makes her way over to James bed and takes a needle out and injects the contents into James’ IV.  

He soon starts moaning in pain, as the contents of the needle work their way into his body. The nurse then takes the pillow and uses it to muffle the sound of James’ desperate calls for help. As his body slowly becomes still, the nurse says four words, just before James dies.

“Nobody hurts my Daughter.”

 
 

End of part 6

To be continued in part 7

Jessica’s Journey

Sequel to Andrews Dilemma

By, Cain129

Part 7

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis: After her father’s funeral, Jessica was approached by her uncle James Roberts. Words were said which resulted in Jessica being assaulted. After seeing Jessica lying on the ground, Scotty completely lost it and beat James so bad that he ended up being hospitalized.

Later that night at the hospital, the police officer assigned to watch James left his post to help the hospital staff deal with an unruly patient, which allowed a mysterious visitor dressed as a nurse to enter James’ room and inject an unknown drug into his IV.

As the contents of the vial begin working their way into his bloodstream, he became completely paralyzed and unable to do anything to resist as the nurse took his pillow and used it to muffle the sound of James’ desperate calls for help. As his body slowly became still, the nurse said the last four words James heard.

  

“Nobody hurts my Daughter.”

Chapter 18

 

It was 2:30 in the morning as Janice lay in bed, unable to sleep after the events that had occurred. That fact Jessica had been hurt left her feeling angry and wanting justice. James Roberts was a bully and a monster. Janice feared that he would likely end up getting nothing more than a slap on his wrist for what he had done to Jessica. In the process of his prosecution, James would do anything he could to make Jessica’s life miserable. Janice had never wanted to hurt anyone, but this was different her family was being threatened by this man and she doubted that it would end with any jail time.  

Janice knew that he would eventually be released and come looking for her daughter, just like his brother Jake had. This was what bothered her the most. She couldn’t handle that again, she wanted him dead and buried. In her mind, she could picture so many different ways that she could cause it to happen. The question was, could she do such a thing? If you had asked her six months ago, the answer would’ve been no, but how far could a mother be pushed, and how far would she go to protect her child?

Janice slowly climbed out of bed, careful not to wake up Anthony. She dressed quietly, and then headed downstairs. She knew that she wasn’t going to get to sleep anytime soon, not with all the thoughts that were running though her mind. She needed to get out for a bit and clear her mind. It was late, but she really didn’t care what time it was. She had to get away for a bit, she said to herself as she put the car into drive. She started driving, not even sure where she was headed.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Meanwhile, across town Amy was stuck working another nightshift. She had been called in to replace another nurse who was off sick, and since she was on call she got stuck working the extra hours. Soon she would return home and meet up with Tara, Jessica and Scotty, and then they would head for the campground.

Amy knew that she would be spending most of her time in the back seat, trying to sleep until they arrived at the camp grounds. It was going to be a long 4 hour drive.

Her night had been going fine until she came across a familiar name on a patient’s chart.

The name was James Roberts. She wasn’t assigned as his nurse, but recognized him as   Jessica’s uncle, the one that had assaulted her. She wanted so badly to make him pay for what he had done to her friend, but the room was off limits to everyone other than his doctor and the nurse that was assigned to take care of him.

Amy was assigned to work in emergency. It was a quiet night for the most part until about 3AM, when one of the patients had to be escorted out of the building. It was nothing new, there were always a few troublesome patients coming in. This one was most likely a drug addict who hadn’t got what he wanted.

It took a couple of security guards and the help of the police officer that was watching James’ room to resolve the situation. The man left soon after he learned that the police were going to be involved. Amy was on her break at the time, and only heard about what happened after she returned from her break.

 

[-][+][-]

 

It was 3:30 am when the nurse assigned to James checked on him and was unable to wake him up. His chart showed him as stable, so there was really no reason why she would be having such a hard time bringing him around.

After checking for a pulse and unable to find one, she hit the emergency button and called for help. Within a few minute the doctor declared James dead, but he wouldn’t know more until the autopsy came back.

The only thing he did know was there was no previously known medical reason why he would have died, which left only one other likely answer. James Roberts had probably been murdered.

The police had arrived around 4AM and started their investigation. The detective assigned to the case was Kelly Steeves. She was one of the officers that had been called in to help with the police corruption scandal and had been with the RCMP for the past four years.   It had been a hard choice for her when she was offered a position with the OPP but it was a chance for her to finally make detective.

The only problem was that she didn’t really know who she could really trust within the department. Every day it seemed that internal affairs was arresting someone new within the OPP that had been part of Vincent’s criminal organization.   There were also a lot of people angry that she had been fast tracked to detective while they had been with the force for years.   

Kelly couldn’t even understand how her name ended up amongst the applicants either,

as she hadn’t even applied for the position, but the money was better. More importantly, it was a chance to become detective, which was something she had been working towards for the last 4 years. If she had chosen to remain with the RCMP, it was unlikely that she would have been promoted for another five years.

Still there was this nagging voice, deep down, that wondered why she has been asked.

Why, when there were so many other people that were more qualified than her? But that was a question for later. She had a job to do now, and the first thing she needed to do was talk to James Roberts’ doctor, and find out exactly who had access to James’ room.

It would still be a few hours before the results from the autopsy came back, so the cause of death was still officially unknown. All the signs lead her to believe that it was homicide. Everyone she had spoken to so far had said that James’ injuries were not life threatening, so her first question was how did he die?

There was also the commotion at 3:30 that had drawn the officer away from his post. Was it just a coincidence or part of a plan? Unfortunately, security had escorted him out of the building before anyone could question him. All they had to go by was the security footage which left little chance that they would identify him.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Meanwhile, downtown at the police station, Mason Johnston was settling into his new position as Chief of Police. He hadn’t really wanted the job, but he knew that he would finally have the power to clean up the police force. It was time to put this nasty police corruption scandal to rest, and get back to the business of protecting the city.

One of his first steps was to start bringing in personal from other police forces that would take up key positions. Most of the people he hired had a very good reputation and there were a few people that he knew personally. Kelly was one of them.

After the death of her father, Mason and his wife Arlene had pretty much raised her as their own.   Kelly’s father had been Mason’s partner for over 10 years. Kelly had become like a daughter to him, and because of this he had wanted her by his side. Mason had

desperately needed people he could trust.

It had been a hard job weeding out all the people that had been loyal to Vincent, but thanks to a mysterious journal that arrived on his desk, which contained the names of officers and public officials who had been on Vincent’s payroll, the job became much easier.   The one name that took everyone by surprise was that of the former police chief.

Mason had always known that the Chief was on Vincent’s payroll, but he could never prove it. He had proof now, in the form of bank records showing deposits that were made to the different offshore accounts.   Mason knew where the information was coming from, of course. There was only one man that would have access to that information; it had to have come from Rocco.

There was something going on though. Ever since Vincent’s death, the organization has gone completely quiet. Members that had been loyal to Vincent had been disappearing without any trace.

Whatever was going on probably wasn’t good.   In the past, Vincent’s people had been well known on the street, and you had a good idea what they were up to. Rocco had become a wildcard, and ever since the coup, no one had seen him,

What was Rocco planning?  

What caught Mason’s attention this morning was a name that had come across his desk.   James Roberts’ had been found dead. James wasn’t known to be one of Vincent’s people, but Mason suspected that he played a part in the kidnapping of Andrew Roberts, though he couldn’t prove it.

Mason looked at his watch. I guess the results should be in soon, and I think its time that I have a talk with Kelly, Mason said to himself as he headed down to the parking garage. She needs to know why she was hired, and what I expect from her.

 

[-][+][-] 

 

Chapter 19

 

After arriving at the hospital Mason made his way over to James’ room. There was still an officer there that was looking for prints, while another was busy taking pictures.   Others were busy taking statements from the hospital staff, but Kelly was nowhere in sight. Mason walked over to the officer that was busy collecting prints and asked him if he knew where he could find Detective Steeves?

“I think she said something about grabbing a coffee in the cafeteria”, the officer said as he returned to his work.

Mason looked at his watch it was 4:30 in the morning. Since the promotion he hadn’t had a decent nights sleep, and frequently wondered if he really should have accepted the job. Eventually things would get back to a normal routine but at the moment things were pretty chaotic, and now this.   

He eventually found his way to the cafeteria and found Kelly sitting at a table drinking her coffee.   

“Hey kiddo, Mind if I join you?” Masson said, sneaking up on Kelly

Kelly turned around there was only one person that ever called her kiddo. “Daddy!” She said, turning around and giving him a big hug.   

“What are you doing here?” Kelly asked with a smile.

Mason took a seat across from Kelly. “The name James Roberts came across my desk, so I decided to see the results of the investigation for myself, and I wanted to check on our newest detective.”

Kelly put 2+2 together and came up with the reason for her promotion. She knew there were people who would accuse Mason of nepotism.

“So why all the secrecy? If the offer had come directly from you, I would have just transferred at my normal rank.”

“I know that you would have, kiddo.   I needed people I could trust, and lately name after name of bad cops keeps coming across my desk. There was another reason. Since Vincent’s organization went down, his people have been disappearing without a trace,   as well as a few of our people that were on Vincent’s payroll.”

“Last week we got lucky and found one of the missing men. His name was Brian Wilson, and he was Jakes and James Roberts’ cousin. “

“We always suspected that James was involved with the kidnapping of his nephew Andrew but could never tie him to the case but we knew Brian worked for Vincent and likely made the introductions between Frank and Vincent”, Mason said frowning.

Kelly sat there for a few minutes taking in everything that Mason had said then looked over at him, “you think the cases are connected don’t you?”

“Maybe kiddo, I don’t know for sure, but since Rocco took over the organization it has gone strangely quiet and nobody know what he is up to. I have wanted to slip someone into the organization to investigate but there was nobody on the force that I trusted.

Kelly looked over at Mason, “I will take the case.” She said with a smile.

“I think that we need to talk about it more before you accept. Why don’t you come join your mother and I for supper and I’ll tell you everything you need to know about the case. After that you can make up your mind if you want the job or not. “

“The results from the autopsy should be done by now, let’s get going.” Mason said, and then the two of them made their way down to the morgue.

 

[-][+][-]

 

It had been a hard night, filled with tossing and turning, so much had happened and everything weighed heavily on my mind. There was this part of me that just wanted to give up and lock myself away in my room and hide from the world. I knew that was not an option, hiding from my problems had never led to a solution. If anything it only made things worse and I was just plain tired of playing the victim.

I knew deep down that it was time for a change, but what direction that would take I was still unsure.   I looked over at the clock. it was 5AM, and there was a part of me that just wanted to wrap myself up underneath my blankets and go back to sleep. I knew that wasn’t going to happen, though.

I had always been a light sleeper and once I was awake there was little chance of getting back to sleep. I slowly pulled myself together and climbed out of bed, then made my way to the bath room and started running a hot bath.

As I walked over to the sink and saw my reflection in the mirror, I was able to get a good look at the damage that Uncle James had caused.   I felt disgust, seeing how messed up I looked. Even though the bruises were starting to fade, I still looked like a raccoon, and they were still pretty painful to the touch.

“Why do I have to have such a fucked up family?” I said to myself as I took off my nightgown and threw it into the clothing hamper.   I climbed into the bath tub and slowly lowered myself. I hurt all over. Uncle James had done a real number on me.

I could only hope that Uncle James was feeling as bad as I was. Scotty had given him one hell of a beating. He had beaten him to within an inch of his life. Well, maybe not that bad, but it was going to be awhile till he was capable of causing me or anyone else trouble.

I poured in the scented bubble bath into the tub. The heat of the water felt good as it caressed my sore muscles and I was just laying back and relaxing. I found myself thinking about the camping trip. Nobody would hold it against me if I cancelled, considering everything that had happened. To be honest, though, I missed spending time with Amy. I needed to get away from everyone and everything, even if it was just for a little while.

Over the last couple of months the two of us had made numerous plans to get together but there was always something that ended up getting in the way. It wasn’t my fault, but the result was always the same. I was capable of going on the camping trip, even though I looked like I picked a fight with Mike Tyson and lost.

I soaked for close to an hour and the only reason that I decided it was time to get out was that the water was beginning to get cold and my skin started looking like it would eventually start falling off if I had stayed any longer. I reached under the water and pulled the plug, watching as the tub started to empty, and wishing that all of my problems would just go down the drain, too. I guess that was a little to much to hope for in any event.

I spent the next 45 minutes getting dressed and doing my hair. Makeup was not really an option, there was no way I would be able to hide the bruising. I would need the kind of makeup used in theaters to make any kind of real difference. Although looking the way I did at the moment, I could easily be hired as the star of a zombie movie.

Now if only I could find a director looking for a sexy little zombie. Alright, maybe sexy is taking it a little too far, but I’m sure there are some real freaks out there that would love a sweet little thing like me.

Note to self, I think its time to visit the mental tune-up masters and maybe get one of those beautiful white jackets that come with those fashionable straps and awesome buckles.   I couldn’t help but laugh, maybe mom and I could share a room together.

I stood up and slipped into my sneakers and made my way into the kitchen expecting to find Mom there making breakfast, but she was nowhere to be seen. I thought to myself that she must have decided to sleep in. so it looked like I was on breakfast duty this morning and started getting everything ready.

I greased up the frying pan and started cooking up some bacon, then took a large bowl and started cracking eggs into it and using a fork to mix them. After they were mixed up and poured it into another frying pan I started on making a pot of coffee.

I knew mom and dad would be looking for a cup as soon as they came down so all that was left to do was make some toast, but that could wait until the eggs and bacon was almost done.  

As I was setting the table, I heard someone coming through the front down and the sound of it being closed again. It was too early to be one of the family. I started to get scared and grabbed one of the butcher knifes out of its holder and slowly made my way over to the door and peeked out.

I couldn’t see anything, so I slowly opened the door being careful not to alert the intruder and slowly opened the door and made my way inside I saw Mom over by the chair adjusting the heat.

“Mom?” I said scaring her half to death, causing her to jump and turn around. “I’m sorry Mom, I didn’t mean to scare you, are you alright?”

“Yes, honey I’m fine,” she said frowning.

I looked at her, “Why are you coming home at this time of morning?”

“I’m fine, Jessica. I just couldn’t sleep last night, and I decided to go for a drive to clear my mind. I eventually ended up at Starbucks.” Mom said frowning

“Well as long as you’re alright Mom, breakfast is almost ready, why don’t you run upstairs and get everyone up while I finish setting the table. I’ll put this knife away before I end up stabbing someone.” I said with a smile and went back to the kitchen.

I checked the food one last time. It was pretty much done, so I started making toast, it wasn’t long before everyone started pouring into the kitchen, Mom and Dad headed straight for the coffee. Megan and I poured ourselves a glass of orange juice.

 

Chapter 20

 

After breakfast was finished, Megan and I did up the dishes while mom and dad headed upstairs. Megan turned to me. “How are you doing Jessica?”

“I’ve been better, Megan.” I admitted, frowning.

“Are you still going camping?” She asked.

“Yes, I think a weekend away will do me alright, although I wish that I didn’t have to spend it looking like a freaking raccoon.”

“It’s not that bad Jessica, its already fading, give it a few days and it will be back to normal.” Megan said with a smile.

“I know, it’s just that things were starting to finally pull together in my life, and now this. I don’t know why they blame me. It’s not my fault that he’s dead.” I said with a frown. “Why can’t they just leave me alone.”

“I don’t know Jessica, but if they don’t want a relationship with you then it’s their loss.” Megan said as she leaned over and gave me a hug.

“Thanks, Megan,” I said returning her hug.

“I just thought everything was finally over with now. I’ll likely end up in court, and my Uncle will make sure that everyone knows the truth about me.”

“If that happens Jessica, we’ll deal with it. I think the people that already know you could handle the truth. People might ask questions, but I think they would be more curious then angry,” Megan said with a smile.

I looked over at Megan, “It’s not me that I am worried about, it’s everyone else, none of you deserve to have your lives turned upside down just because of me.”

“Jessica, you’re my sister and I will be there standing beside you. I know that you would do the same. Now try to forget all this nasty business, you have a camping trip to get ready for and a boyfriend that can’t wait to spend the weekend with you,” Megan said cheerfully.

 

[-][+][-]

 

I was inside my room getting ready for the camping trip, making sure that I had everything that I needed. It was funny. I remembered my last camping trip, it was a school event and I was still living as Andrew. Those days seemed so much simpler.   Grab some shorts for swimming and grab a few pairs of jeans and t-shirt and maybe a light jacket for at night, the rest of the space was used to carry junk food.

Looking inside my backpack now, it was full of every conceivable item and no junk food in sight. I had a couple of sundresses, jeans tank tops, sneakers for hiking, sandals and of course my bikini, but that was more for Scotty than myself. I had bought it just for the camping trip, and I had others that I could have worn. I knew, though, that Scotty wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off me in this little number, I thought to myself and giggled.

The rest of the space was pretty much filled with my makeup, just in case we decided to go out for dinner, and I also made room for my portable stereo. I had to pick up some extra batteries for it because it killed them fast. By the time I finished packing, I realized that there was no way I’d be able to carry it very far, so it looked like I would be putting Scotty to work once he arrived.

 

[-][+][-]

 

I walked over and picked up my guitar case and opened it taking out my guitar. I   walked over to my bed, took a seat and started playing a Sarah McLachlan song called “Adai”. I’ve always loved the song and it was the first song real song that I had ever played on the guitar. After numerous tries I was eventually able to play it straight through without mistakes, and after learning that song, everything else started coming naturally. Eventually I was able to play a song just by hearing it a few times.

As I sat there playing my guitar, I could feel myself starting to relax. it felt like it had been months since I had felt this content. Music had always been my one outlet. It had been the glue that had kept me going off the edge so many times but with all the chaos that had been in my life recently, I’d somehow forgotten that.

It’s funny how you can lose yourself within such a short period of time. Somehow I had, though, and the sad part of it was I really didn’t see it coming. My life had been spiraling out of control for so long, and I really had nothing to keep me grounded.   

I was thinking to myself as I started playing the song “Everything”, by Alanis Morissette. About halfway through the song my phone started ringing, so I laid my guitar down on the bed and answered it.

 

[-][+][-]

 

“Hello?” I said after hitting the answer button.

“Hey baby, how is my girl?” Scotty said, sounding in good spirits.

“Good morning Scotty, I’m doing alright. I was just relaxing and playing a few songs.

“Playing anything new?” asked Scotty

“Not really, I was just a little bored and had some time to kill before you arrived.”

 

“I am going to be bringing my guitar with me, you should bring yours Jessica. We haven’t really had much time to play together, and we have the whole weekend to find time to practice.” Scotty said, excitedly.

“So when are you planning to pick me up, Scotty?”

”That’s what I was calling you about Jessica; I’m pretty much ready any time you are.”

“Everything’s packed and ready to go Scotty, I’m just going to need a hand carrying it out to the car. I never realized how heavy it was until I finished packing.”

“Alright, I should be over in a few minutes; it’ll take us about an hour to drive to Amy and Tara’s apartment, especially during the morning rush hour.” Scotty said

“Alright honey, I’ll be downstairs waiting, I‘ll see you soon, love you honey!” I said

“I love you more,” Scotty said.

“Not possible,” I insisted, smiling.

“Just wait till I get you alone Jessica, I’ll show you how much I love you.” Scotty said laughing.

“Oh really, so what are your plans for me?” I asked, smiling and putting him on the spot.

“That’s for me to know and you to find out honey.” Scotty said smugly.

“Alright, I’ll see you in a few minutes, Scotty.” I said, ending the call.

I sat the cell phone back into my purse. I thought to myself, maybe this weekend isn’t going to suck after all!   I started carrying my bags over to the front door and found Mom sitting on the couch.

“Are you sure you’ve got everything you’ll need, honey?” Mom asked as she placed her book down on her lap.

“I think I’ve got everything Mom, although camping seems like a lot more work as a girl then it was when I was living as a boy.”

“Most things are honey, not that I have personal experience.” Mom said with a smile.

 

I guess that I can see things both sides of the fence. When I was living as a boy I pretty much did what was expected of me, but now that I’m living as a girl full time, the pieces just seem to fit-whereas before, everything just felt wrong.

I think the hardest part is that for most of my life I was in hiding. I held everything inside because I was afraid to let anyone get close. I was so scared that if they knew the real me, they wouldn’t accept me or worse hurt me.

“How would you feel now if the truth about who you really are came out?” Mom asked, sounding completely serious.

I had to think about it for a minute. “I guess it would be scary, but I think that I could handle it now. I’m sure it would be hard at first, but everyone that really matters to me already knows. As for the few friends that don’t know, I hope that they would judge me for the person that I am now and not the person that I used to be, does that make sense to you Mom?” I asked her.

She smiled. “Yes honey, it makes perfect sense. You’ve finally come to embrace who you really are, and put the past behind you.”

“I don’t know about all of that, Mom. There’s still plenty of stuff I need to deal with from my past, but you’re right about one thing. I’ve finally stopped running.”

“Either way honey, I’m proud of you and the person that you’re becoming.” Mom said, as a tear ran down her cheek.

“Thanks Mom, but I have a very good teacher.” I said, leaning down to hug her.

As Mom and I were hugging, the doorbell buzzed. “That must be Scotty.” Mom said.

“Yeah, I better go let him in, I kind of over packed and I am going to need his help carrying it all.”

“Alright honey, have a good weekend and I’m just a call away if you need me.” Mom said with a smile.

 

Chapter 21

 

Scotty wasn’t very impressed with the amount of stuff that I packed, but to his credit he didn’t say much about it other than that I likely wouldn’t have any use for half of the stuff that I packed. He was probably right, but one thing that I had learned is a girl needed to be prepared for any event.

“So, are you ready for the weekend honey?” Scotty asked me.

“I was considering staying home but changed my mind. I really didn’t want to spend the whole weekend dealing with Mom and everyone else asking me if I was alright. I love them all to death but sometimes a girl just needs her space.”

“I guess that I can understand that especially with everything that has happened lately. I’m just happy you included me.” Scotty said as he slipped his arm around me.

“You’re different Scotty”, I said with a smile

“How am I different Jessica?” Scotty said looking serious

“I really don’t know how to explain, but when I’m with you, I just feel safe. It’s hard for me to trust anyone, I’ve been hurt too many times by people that said they loved me, but I know I can trust you and that you aren’t going to hurt me.

All of my life I’ve felt alone and unloved. There was this part of me that felt that I didn’t deserve to be happy. It took me a long time before I was able to let go of the past, and the way I felt about myself. I had no idea what love really was, I mean, how can you love someone when you really have no clear idea what love is?”

“I hated everyone, even myself. The saddest part is that it wasn’t just my imagination. If people had known the truth, I’d have been in danger, you’ve seen firsthand how my family reacted to me.”

Scotty looked over at me, “That might’ve been the case before, Jessica, but things are different now. You have people that love and accept you.”

“I know Scotty, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been, even with all the extra baggage that I’ve had to carry.”

Scotty laughed. “Since when’ve you had to carry extra baggage? It wasn’t you that had to lug everything out to the car. God, my back will never be the same!”

“Very funny, Scotty, ” I said, then gave him a light jab in the stumpage.

 

[-][+][-]

 

It had been a long night as Amy parked her car and made the short walk to her apartment. She was so tired after working the double shift. It had been a pretty crazy night. The Emergency room was full of patients and there was a 3 and a half hour wait to see a doctor. Between dealing with the patients, and then the police that were questioning everyone about James Roberts death, Amy was completely exhausted. .

This left Amy in a spot, should she tell Jessica, or wait ‘til after the weekend to break the news about her Uncle? The last thing she wanted was to ruin the weekend, with everything that had happened Jessica needed time away. She didn’t want to take that away from her.

Amy made her way into her apartment calling out, “Honey, I’m home!”

“In the kitchen honey!” Tara responded from the other room.

Amy placed her knapsack down next to the front door and made her way into the kitchen and was met with a hug and kiss from Tara.

“How was your night honey?” asked Tara

“It was a crazy night, a lot happened. I’m just happy to be home, but we need to talk.”

Amy said grabbing a coffee mug and filling it with coffee, then took a seat at the table, while Tara continued making breakfast for the both of them.

 

“So what’s up?” Tara asked as she cracked another egg into the frying pan

“Jessica’s uncle died last night, and it looks like he was murdered.” Amy said after taking a drink of her coffee.

“Shit, are they sure that it’s murder?” Tara asked as she turned around and looked at Amy.

“From what I’ve heard, the injuries were not life threating, so there’s really no reason that he should be dead.” Amy said with a frown

“Does Jessica know?” Tara asked, sounding concerned.

“Not yet, that’s the problem, should we tell her or wait?” Amy asked, sounding worried.

Tara handed Amy her breakfast and took a seat across from her. “I think it would be best if we told her, she may hate her Uncle, but doesn’t deserve to be the last to know.”

“Jessica needs to get away, I just don’t want to ruin the weekend for her.” Amy said

“Something tells me it’s not going to change the reasons why she needs to get away Amy. The girl has been through hell lately and the death of her Uncle isn’t really going to change the fact that she needs a break from all this.” Tara said with a smile.

“I guess you’re right, I’m just worried,” Amy said sadly.

“You don’t need to worry about Jessica anymore.   She isn’t the same scared child you met at the hospital.” Tara said, trying to reassure Amy.

“I guess you are right Tara, it’s just that I care for her and to be honest I am happy her uncle is dead. Does that make me a bad person?”

“No it doesn’t, Amy. If it does, then I am right there standing beside you. The man was a monster, and likely helped Jessica’s father with the kidnapping.” Tara said sounding slightly pissed off.

“Don’t worry Amy, we will tell her together.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

Rocco sat behind his desk going through a ton of paperwork there was a part of him that wished that he wasn’t the one that had to deal with the aftermath of the coup that he had staged.   On his desk was a list of names. It was kind of like Santa’s naughty and nice list. The difference was, if you made this naughty list you would most likely end up dead.

There were plenty of names on the list that had already been crossed out but there were still lots of choices available.   The next name though was going to most likely going to cause a lot of trouble. Anytime you target a politician you better make sure everyone knows the reason why. The last thing you wanted was to have a full police investigation. It had been hard enough taking down the Police Chief, but at least he’d had information to take him down without too much trouble.

Rocco picked up the phone and dialed Adrian’s number, it rang a couple times and Adrian answered. “Good morning Boss, what do you have for me today?”

“Does the name Robert Zemeckis mean anything to you?” Rocco asked Adrian.

“Yeah, he’s a sleazy child molester, trying to get elected. I take it you want me to pay him a visit?”

“Yes, but this one needs to be taking care of differently. I need you to get the tapes from Greg and send them to the press first, then take the bastard out, and while you are at it take care of Greg at the same time. We don’t need any loose ends, and there is no place for someone like Greg in the organization.”

“Alright Rocco, I’ll take care of it and let you know when it’s finished.” Adrian said, then ended the call.

 

Rocco then returned to his list, looked over the names and smiled. “Now the part of the job that I enjoy. He picked up the phone and called his lawyer, I need you to write up a check for the usual amount, the child’s name is Karen Evans, run a check on her parents first. I want to make sure the child gets the money not the parents.

If the parents check out, write the check, if not, put it in trust. One other thing Garrett, how are things going with Jessica Roberts?

“Everything is set Rocco, but are you sure that you want to do this?” Bob said sounding concerned.

“Not really, but there is no other choice, when the time comes Adrian will pay her a visit. Just make sure that everything is in place. “   Rocco said sadly

“Alright I will make sure it’s taking care of”, Garnett said as he ended the call.

Rocco walked over to the bar and poured himself glass of whiskey and downed the glass. Thinking to himself, can I really do this to that poor child? He poured himself another drink and said to himself, I have no other choice.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Detective Kelly Steeves was busy filing the police report at the precinct. The results had finely come back, confirming that James Roberts was murdered. At the moment they really had no idea who was responsible, there was a list of people but the one name on that list stood out more than the others and that name was Rocco. He had the resources to pull something like this off and it seemed that anyone related to the Andrew Tanner case ended up dead.

There was also one other name on the list and Kelly didn’t really want to go there,

but it was also a possibility. Sometimes the child that was abused could take revenge against the people that abused them, and James Roberts was not in a position where he could have defended himself. Then there was his birth mother. She was in and out of the hospital because of mental illness. Finally, there was the woman that adopted him. Just how far would a mother go to protect their child? Kelly wasn’t sure, she thought to herself.

Kelly knew that this case wasn’t going to be an easy one. She hoped, though, that it was Rocco that was responsible because with everything he had done, he deserved to be placed behind bars and the others, well if they did it, it was understandable.

 

Chapter 22

 

The drive to Amy’s place only took Scotty and me about an hour with only one stop along the way at Starbucks where we picked up four coffees to go.   The building that Amy and Tara lived in looked pretty rundown,at least from the outside, but once Scotty and I made our way inside it was quiet the different story.

The inside was really clean and the walls looked freshly painted. This was the first time that I had been to Amy’s place, but Scotty had been here once before to drop off Tara when I was in the hospital. The area of town was nice; it seemed to have everything close and was right on the main bus route.

Tara met Scotty and I at the door and gave us both a hug. “Come on inside and make yourself at home. Amy just got out of the shower and is getting dressed she will join us in a few minutes.” Tara said with a smile.

“So are you guys ready for the weekend?” Tara asked.

“Yeah, we’ve been looking forward to getting some time away.” Scotty said with a smile.

“I know the feeling. Amy and I haven’t really had much time together lately, between work and everything else, but we’re thrilled to have the both of you join us.”

  “Thanks, I’ve been meaning to spend some time with the both of you, but with everything that’s happened over the last couple of months it’s been pretty hard.” I said with a smile.

“That’s alright Jessica, Amy and I both understand.” Tara reached over and gave my hand a squeeze.

“So how long is it going to take for us to drive to the campground?”

“We’re looking at about 4 hours driving time Jessica, but Amy and I have something that we need to talk to you about first.” Tara said with a smile.

“Alright, whatever it is, I’m innocent.” I said giggling.

“And don’t look at me I’m with her,” Scotty said smugly.

A few minutes later Amy joined us. Scotty and I were both met with a hug and kiss. “It’s good to see the both of you! How about we take the coffee into the kitchen, there’s something that we need to talk about,” Amy said sadly.

After the four of us were seated at the table, I turned to Amy. “Alright, what’s up?”

Amy looked over at Tara, who nodded her head.   Then Amy looked back towards me and took a deep breath.

“Jessica, your uncle died last night and the police think he might have been murdered.” Amy looked right at me.

I really wasn’t sure how I was supposed to feel. My uncle was dead, but what was he really to me?   He was my father’s brother, but he’d never really showed me any kind of love. If anything, he went out of his way to make me feel worthless.

“I thought about waiting and telling you about your uncle after the camping trip, but then I talked it over with Tara and we both decided it was best to tell you now. Tara and I would understand if you didn’t want to join us.” Amy said sadly.

I looked over at Amy, then Tara, “It’s alright, I’m glad that you told me, but it changes nothing. I really didn’t know my uncle. If it was someone else I cared about, things would be different, but I really couldn’t stand him. I hate to say this, but I’m glad he’s gone. It’s the last piece of my old life, and now I can put in all to rest.”

“Are you sure Jessica?” Tara said looking concerned

“Yes I’m sure. I just want to get on with my life. I’ve spent enough time living in the past and it almost destroyed me. I would rather live in the here and now.”

“Alright Jessica, you know what is best for you. Tara and I are here if you need to talk.” Amy said with a smile.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After Amy and Tara broke the news to me, I was feeling pretty numb about what had happened. Once Scotty and I were alone in the car, he turned to me. “Are you sure that you’re up to this?”

“Yeah honey, I’m fine. It’s all a bit of a shock, but that’s all it is. I’ll be alright, Scotty.”

“That’s true,” Scotty said as he put the car into drive and we started driving.

 

[-][+][-]

 

 

Amy and Tara were driving ahead of us, Scotty and I were just going to follow them and we had our GPS setup just in case it was needed. Amy had said that she was going to sleep for most of the trip, she had worked a double shift at the hospital and was exhausted and definitely needed the sleep.

The drive was a quiet one, at least for the first hour. Scotty and I barely said a word. I was pretty much lost in thought, but eventually I was brought back to reality. I reached over and turned on the radio.

It took a couple minutes to find a station with something worth listening to. We had already left the local coverage area and most of the programed stations were pretty much static. I eventually did find a station that I liked.

They were playing a Taylor Swift song called “Our Song. I thought how poetic, but then I realized that Scotty and I didn’t really have a song to call our own either and couldn’t help but start giggling.

Scotty looked over at me and said, “What’s so funny?”

“I was just thinking how ironic that song is, we don’t really have a song either.”

“Sure we do, you just haven’t heard it yet.” Scotty said with a smile.

“And you have?” I asked

“Yup”, Scotty said smugly

“Alright Scotty, what’s the song?”

“I’ll tell you later honey,” Scotty said with a smile.

“There is no song, you just need time to think of one.” I said with a smile.

“You’ll just have to wait and see Jessica”

“Knowing you and your sense of humor, it’s likely something like “Forgetful Lucy.”

“Yup, that’s it Jessica. It could be worse though, it could be “Somebody Kill Me.” Scotty said, and started laughing.

“Don’t tempt me,” I said giggling and turned up the volume on the radio.

The rest of the trip was pretty much spent fighting over what station to listen to and endless babbling between the two of us and I had to admit that I was enjoying myself.

There’s nothing like a road trip to change your outlook on things, especially when you’re seeing all new places and time just seemed to fly. As we turned onto the 401 highway, I saw Toronto for the first time; I never really knew how huge it was till I saw it firsthand.

I turned to Scotty. “Do you think that we’re going to have a chance to maybe explore it some before we have to go home?”

“I think we can take a drive there later and check it out if you want. There are a few places that I would like to check out also.” Scotty said with a smile.

“Cool, I’d like that Scotty.”

“Maybe we can check out the Hard Rock Café while we’re there.” Scotty said with a smile.

“We should see if Amy and Tara want to go, Scotty.”

“Sure, whatever you want Jessica, let’s just make sure that we find sometime alone as well.”

“Whatever for?” I asked him with a big smile.

Scotty grinned and said. “So I can molest you, of course.”

“Oh really, and you had to wait until we went camping for that?” I said with a smile.

“If I tried it at home, your father would likely kill me!” Scotty grinned.

“Maybe, Scotty, but don’t you think   I’m worth the risk?” I pouted.

“Definitely, honey, but how often do you think I will have the chance to spend the night with you? I’m surprised that they are even allowing us to go camping together, let alone share a tent together.” Scotty commented, thinking aloud. “They must realize that if the two of want to make love, then were going to do it anyway and it doesn’t matter if were camping or at home.”

“Mom and Dad worry about the two of us making a mistake and that I could end up pregnant, I told my mother that I’d wait and I’m not going to break that promise, but there are still plenty of other things the two of us can do.” I said suggestively.

“You know that I love you Jessica, and after everything that we’ve been though together. I really don’t see the two of us waiting being a problem.” Scotty said as he gave my hand a squeeze.

“I love you to Scotty, even though I sometimes feel that I don’t deserve to have a guy like you, but I am happy you choose to stay.”

“There was a time, Jessica, that I thought about walking away especially after finding out the truth. It was a lot to accept at first, and I didn’t know how to deal with any of it.”

“Why didn’t you break up with me?” I asked, looking Scotty in the eyes.

“There just didn’t seem to be a good time, I could see how much pain you were in and if I walked away from you. I would have been one of those people that hurt you.

Then the unthinkable happened, and you were kidnapped. Like the old saying goes, you never know what you have until you lose it. God, I was scared to death that I was going to lose you Jessica! I knew then that nothing else mattered to me, and I prayed to God that he would give you back to me.

I don’t care about your past, Jessica. All that matters to me is that the girl I love is sitting beside me, and if you ask me, I’m the lucky one.” Scotty said as he pulled the car over,   and took me into his arms. It didn’t take long before he was kissing me.

After the two of us came up for air, I found myself at a complete loss for words. As I looked at Scotty, I knew at that moment that the two of us had reached an important turning point in our relationship. There was a part of me that just wanted to say to hell with my promise to my mother and just give myself to him right here and now. The rest of the drive I sat right next to Scotty with his arm around me. I felt so content just sitting there cuddling with him as we drove the rest of the way to the campgrounds.

 

[-][+][-]

 

The campgrounds were about a 45 minute drive from Downtown Toronto and 15 minutes from Canada’s Wonderland. Tara and Amy arrived a few minutes ahead of Scotty and I, and were waiting outside the main gates to the campground so that the four of us could pick out a spot together.

Scotty and I followed them inside and eventually we found a spot right next to the lake, but still far enough from anyone to give the four of us some privacy. It wasn’t long before the four of us were setting up our tents and getting the rest of the campsite sorted.

We setup the tents across from one another with a fire pit between us. Just left of the tents was a picnic table and stationary barbeque, which looked like it would take a month to clean. Thank God Tara remembered to bring the aluminum foil, which we used to cover the grill, then poured in some charcoal so that it was ready to use later.

Once everything was finished and the campsite was ready for use, Tara and Amy said that they were going to make a trip into the nearby town to pickup supplies, leaving Scotty and I a chance to spend some time together alone.

After Tara and Amy left, Scotty made the suggestion that the two of us try out our tent but I wasn’t quite ready to throw caution to the wind and suggested that we check out some of the trails instead. He kind of gave me those puppy dog eyes, but in the end the two of us were holding hands and exploring the trails that ran alongside the large lake.

The trail that we were walking on eventually connected us up with another part of the park the only difference between the two areas this one was mostly used for motorized campers and there seemed to be plates from just about every Provience and even some from the United States.

Scotty and I looked around at some of the campers and wondered what it would be like to travel across the country in one Scotty seemed to love the idea and I had to admit that I thought it would be fun but giving a choice I would rather fly and arrive at my destination ready to go but still there was something romantic about it, especially when your travel companion is as cute as Scotty.

Though there were something’s that didn’t make a lot of sense like why would they need a heated pool when there was a huge lake that is not even 15 minutes away?

It just amazed me how lazy people could be. They did have an awesome playground though that was full of kids. Scotty and I made our way over and took a seat on one of the picnic tables and just sat back and watched the kids playing.

“This park is pretty cool isn’t it Scotty?”

“Yeah I like it here Jessica, it’s nice to get away from everything. It’s a shame, though, that we only have the weekend. It would be nice to stay longer.”

“I know what you mean Scotty, it’s so calm here.   Look at the kids over there they don’t have a worry in the world, wouldn’t it be nice if life would just stay that way.”

“Maybe Jessica, but I have everything I need to be happy sitting next to me.”

“Oh Scotty, I’m happy you are here too, it’s just that I never really had a childhood.   Seeing those kids, I sometimes wonder how it would have been if things had turned out differently.”

“I don’t think that I’d want another time line where things were different, if you had been born normal, would we even be together? Like it or not, it’s your past that has made you the person that you are today. If you take that away then you wouldn’t be the same person.”

“That’s very astute of you, Scotty. Are you sure you’re not a phychologist?”

“I do have a brain Jessica, even though I rarely choose to show it. I have a reputation as an athlete to protect, the last thing I need is the college thinking that I’m smart. They might actually expect me to work!”

“Very funny, Scotty, but I really think that you would do well in a course like that,   how long do you think that you are going to get by playing football and who knows what the future holds when it comes being a musician, how many bands actually make it big?”

“The same can be said for you Jessica, except for playing football.”

“Are you saying I can’t play football Scotty?” I said with a smile.

“You’re welcome to try anytime.” Scotty said with a grin.

“Scotty, you’re just looking for a reason to jump on top of me, you pervert.” I said and started giggling

“Jessica, you’re in a strange mood today.”

“Yes I guess that I am, but I’m enjoying myself.”

“Me too, honey.” Scotty said as he slipped his arm around my waist and I soon found myself snuggling my head on his shoulder.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Scotty and I decided that it was time to head back to our campsite. It was about a half hour walk, but we took our time. Neither of us was in a hurry, we were both enjoying just being alone together. We eventually arrived at our campsite and found Tara and Amy there waiting for us. The two of them were sitting at the picnic table drinking a couple of beers.

Scotty and I joined them at the table. Amy smiled. “Are you guys enjoying yourselves?”

I smiled. “Yes, we’re having a great time.”

“Yeah, Jessica and I were just doing a little exploring. I wanted to take her into the tent and have my way with her, but she wouldn’t have anything to do with it.”

“Scotty!” I said and swatted him across the back of the head, which cause everyone to start laughing with the exception of Scotty, who had this dumbfound look on his face.

I wasn’t really mad at him, it’s not like they didn’t know he would want to do something like that, he was a guy after all. I turned to him. “Why don’t you make yourself useful and find us something to drink?”

 

Chapter 23

 

Scotty and I spent most of the afternoon talking with Amy and Tara. At around 4PM, Tara started the barbeque and started cooking supper for the four of us. While we were setting the table, Amy noticed that they had forgotten the hamburger buns and asked me if I felt like taking a little drive over to the store. She’d had a few drinks and didn’t want to drive, so she handed me the keys. The two of us climbed into Tara’s car, leaving Scotty and Tara to take care of the cooking while we made the drive to the convenience store.

“So how are you doing Jessica? Remember it’s me you’re talking to, and I’ll know if you’re lying.” Amy said with a smile.

I smiled. “I’m doing surprisingly well, considering everything that’s happened.”

“You know Jessica, you’re going to have to deal with the assault eventually. What happened won’t go away, just because you wish it would.”

“Maybe not, but I will not spend my whole weekend worrying about something that I can’t do anything about.

It happened, and I look like a raccoon, but on the bright side I’m spending the weekend with the people I love most in this world. Let’s worry about the assault on Monday, because until then, as far as I am concerned it never happened.” I said with a forced smile.

“Alright Jessica, if that’s the way you want to handle it, but if you need to talk I’m here.” Amy said as she reached over and gave my leg a squeeze.

“If I need to talk about it Amy, you’ll be the first person I see.”

“It’s just that you’re like a sister to me, and it hurts when I see you in pain.” Amy said frowning.

“I feel the same way Amy, you’ve been here for me through everything. I know that if I’m in trouble, I can always call you, and I hope that you would do the same,” I told her. “What the two of us share is special, and I never want to lose that.”

“Me either, Jessica. I just feel that you are building yourself up for a fall later, and I don’t want to see that happen to you.”

“I really don’t know what to say about that Amy. I’ve been seeing my doctor, and we’ve talked about my past and how my life is going now. I think that I’ve been doing well, considering everything that’s happened.”

“Alright then, let’s look at the here and now Jessica. Things happen in life that we have no control over. You know that as well as anyone, but what would you do if you woke up tomorrow and everyone you cared about was gone?”

“What kind of question is that, Amy? I have no idea what I would do, nobody would know how to answer that.”

“Think about it Jessica what would you do?”

“I don’t know, maybe I would take my own life.”

“So you’re saying you couldn’t live without them?”

“I don’t know Amy, I’d like to say that I would find a way to continue, but I just don’t know if I could.”

“So tell me Jessica, are you afraid to die? Remember, you’ve already tried to kill yourself before.”

I thought about what Amy was saying, and she was right. I had no fear of taking my own life. I’d already tried it once, what I feared was being alone. I understood what Amy was trying to tell me.

I was putting my faith in other people to make me happy, but if they were gone I’d have to find a way to continue my life without them, and at the moment I knew that I couldn’t survive alone.

I looked over at Amy. “You’re right Amy, and I promise, I’ll get help.”

She looked at me. “I’m sorry Jessica, but I wouldn’t be a good friend if I kept my mouth shut when I know you’re in trouble.”

“It’s alright Amy, I understand and appreciate that you’re honest with me, even when it does hurt. I know you’re doing it for my own good, and not out of cruelty.   You’re right, what my uncle did to me does bother me.

I don’t know what I am supposed to do about it. He’s dead now and I’m glad he’s   gone. He might have spent a little time in jail, but when he got out it would have started up all over again.”

Amy nodded in sad agreement. “I think anyone in your position would feel that way, and eventually you’ll have to deal with that anger, otherwise it will eat you alive.”

“I know Amy, but not today.” I said as we pulled into the parking lot.

“Are you coming in Jessica?”

“No, I think I’ll just wait here, Amy.”

“Alright Jessica, I won’t be long.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

The drive back I was much more subdued emotionally. Everything that Amy had said weighed heavily on my mind. I wished that it hadn’t, but it did. I felt better though, once we pulled into our parking spot and I saw Scotty.  

He was busy working the grill, and didn’t even notice that Amy and I had arrived. I was about to join Tara at the table, when Scotty called over asking Tara to bring him a plate. Tara was about to get up but I put my hand on her shoulder, and with the other hand picked up a plate and made my way over behind him.

I handed him the plate, but he still didn’t know that it was me behind him. When I slipped my arms around his waist and started kissing the back of his neck, he was just a little surprised.

“Tara, what are you doing?” he asked, as I ran my hand over his chest. “I really don’t think this is a good idea Tara, I’m with Jessica and you’re with Amy”

“Good answer!” I said,. Giggling, as did Amy and Tara, who had been watching from the picnic table.”

“I knew it was you, Jessica.” Scotty said, as he started filling the plate

“Yeah, right you knew.” I teased as I ran my hand against his groin and felt him starting to get excited.   I kissed the back of his neck, then took the plate of burgers and joined Tara and Amy at the table.

Soon the four of us were all seated at the table, enjoying a meal together. I teased Scotty the whole time, and we all had a great time.

 

[-][+][-]

 

It was around 5PM when Kelly arrived at Mason and Arlene’s.   She was looking forward to spending time with Arlene, who had been like a second mother to her. After losing both of her parents, Kelly had been lost and if it hadn’t been for Arlene, she had no idea what would have happened.

Arlene and Masson had been trying for years to start their own family, but had accepted that it wasn’t to be, after suffering numerous miscarriages. The last one had almost cost Arlene her life.

It didn’t look like kids were in the cards, but then Kelly came along. It was like their dreams had come true.   The circumstances were terrible, both of her parents had been murdered. Mason and Arlene had shared many sleepless nights because of it.

Over time, they became a family in every way that counted. Arlene had the daughter she’d always wanted and the two of them became very close. The day Kelly joined the RCMP had been one of Mason’s proudest days. Arlene, on the other hand, was not happy at all. She worried for her daughter’s safety.

Kelly’s reasons for joining were mostly because of what happened to her parents. She wanted to help other kids, so that they didn’t have to experience what she had. It had caused a rift between Arlene and her when she chose to join the force, but like all families they were able to work it out.

She made her away inside and she found Mason busy working in his study and knew that it wasn’t a good time to bother him. By the smell emanating from the kitchen, Kelly knew that her mother was busy cooking supper.  

Kelly made her way into the kitchen and found her mother sitting at the table, peeling potatoes. When Arlene saw her daughter, she dropped everything and ran over and took Kelly into her arms.

The two of them hadn’t seen each other in over a year. Other than the occasional phone call, this was the first contact they’d had with one another in a very long time.

“I’m so glad you’re home, Kelly.” Arlene said, hugging her daughter.

“Me too, Mom, I’ve missed you so much. I’m sorry that it took me so long to see you, but with work and all I’ve been kept pretty busy. I’m home now, and I’m not going anywhere if I can help it.” Kelly said with a smile.

Arlene and Kelly took a seat at the table. Kelly grabbed a knife and started peeling and cutting the carrots, while her mother continued peeling the potatoes.

Arlene looked over at her daughter. “So how have you been, sweetheart?”

“I’ve been doing great, Mom, though I have to admit, I’ve been feeling a little home sick lately. I was with the first team of RCMP, and coming back here brought back a lot of memories, some good and some not so good.” Kelly said sadly.

“Work’s kept me busy, but to be honest, I don’t know where this is all going. I thought being a cop and helping people would somehow fix things in my own life.

I just don’t feel like I’m even making a difference, Mom. With every person I put away there’s always someone new to take their place. It’s either that, or they’re back out on the street within months, and some of these people are monsters.”

“You’re not thinking of quitting, are you Kelly?”

“I don’t know, Mom. To be honest, the thought had crossed my mind, and then I got offered this job. It was a chance to help clean up the police force and maybe do some good, but now I find out the only reason that I am here is because of Dad.”

“Don’t blame your father, honey. He needed people he could trust, ever since he became Police Chief, he hasn’t had the most trustworthy people working under him. He called in a lot of favors just to bring in people that he could trust, and he trusts you more than any of them, Kelly.”

“I know Mom, but I still didn’t get this job on my own merits. It was handed to me, and everyone I work with knows this.

“Honey, you may have been handed the job, but it’s what you do with it that matters.

“Believe me, if you couldn’t do the job, your father would never have given it to you.”

Arlene said. “Don’t listen to what they’re saying, just do the job and show them you belong there. When they see that you are good at it, they’ll leave you alone.”

Kelly looked thoughtfully at her mom. “Maybe you’re right, I’m just making a mountain out of a molehill. It’s so good to be home, and to be able to just talk things out with you again.”

“Anytime, baby, you know where I am.” Arlene said with a smile.

 

 

[-][+][-]

 

 

After supper was over, Kelly and Mason adjourned to his study. This was a place that Kelly was rarely allowed as a child. It was the place where Mason did most of his thinking, and also a quiet place where he would spend hours working. Lately, it had become much more.

It had become a safe place for him to talk with people outside the police force. Until he knew for sure that the last remnants of the corrupt police force were gone, he didn’t want anyone knowing his plans until it was time to make a move.

Mason walked over to the mini bar and grabbed a couple beers from the cooler, handed one to Kelly and took a seat on the couch next to her. “I guess it’s time for me to come clean to you, honey.”

“So what’s the big secret?” Kelly asked.

“There are two reasons that I asked for you to join the force. The first one was I needed people that I could trust, and the second reason is your age. I need someone that can pass for 16 years old, and you can do both.”

“Alright, I understand the first reason, but why do you want me to pretend to be 16 years old?” Kelly asked and took a drink of her beer.

“I need someone that Rocco’s people don’t know, and unfortunately there are not many in the force that I trust, and can pass for 16 years old.”

“Alright Dad, I understand, so what is the plan I know that you wouldn’t have me do something like this unless you knew there was a chance of success.”

“Rocco maybe a mobster, but he has a soft spot for kids. That’s his Achilles heel.   On a few occasions he has gone out of his way to help a child that was in trouble. The first being his enforcer Adrian and then there is Andrew Roberts, who goes by the name Jessica Tanner now.”

“I want to put you in a position where it looks like you’re in trouble and need help, and then let nature take its course.” Mason explained

“Alright, I see where you’re going, and there’s only one problem with that plan, nobody has seen Rocco since the coup, how am I going to get to him?” Kelly said, thinking aloud.

“Adrian is the key, Kelly. If you can get to him, then you can get to Rocco.”

“Alright, Dad, what do we know about Adrian?” Kelly asked.

“Adrian was a street kid that Rocco took under his wing and over time worked his way through the ranks of Vincent’s organization, but considering Vincent’s dead and Rocco is now running the organization, we know he is loyal to Rocco.”

“I checked out Adrian’s record and it turns out he was a child abuse victim, and came from an alcoholic household. His parents kicked him out of the house when he was 14 years old. Rocco took him in shortly after that.” Mason told her.

“There’s one other thing too, Kelly. It’s on record that the reason for the coup was Rocco taking offence to the kidnapping of Jessica Tanner. I am sure that there were other reasons, but that was what initially fuelled the feud between Vincent and Rocco.”

Kelly looked over her at her father. “Alright, I see where this is going. I’m going to play the abused child, and hope Adrian comes to the rescue.”

“There’s more to it, Kelly. You’ll need to look the part.” Mason said. “You’re playing a child that is physically and mentally abused. Not only do you have to look the part, but you also have to make them believe it. Looking the part will be easy, we can stage an assault between you and your drunken father in Adrian’s presence.”

“Oh, I see, and who’s going to be my father?” Kelly asked Mason.

“I have just the guy for the job, Kelly, he’s new to the force, so nobody knows him and I’ll have people there to make the fake arrest. The only problem is he’s going to have to rough you up to make it believable.” Mason said sadly.

“I understand, it’s a part of the job.   So once I am in, what am I looking for?”

“We know that Rocco is involved in a string of murders that have been happening at the moment. It’s mostly Vincent’s people being hit, and a few bad cops.   I suspect much more is going on behind the scenes.”

“Your job is to collect as much information as you can, and find out what he’s up to, then report to me directly, nobody else.   Remember, these people are dangerous, and capable of anything.” Mason said sounding worried.

“There is still time for you to back out of this, Kelly, and I wouldn’t hold it against you.”

“No Daddy, I’ll take the case. Just make sure my new father goes easy on me.”

“He will, I promise. It might be awhile before we can be together as a family again, so why don’t you and I forget about all this nasty business for now, and join your mother. I know she’s missed you terribly.” Mason suggested, then stood up and the two of them joined Arlene in the living room.

 

 

 

 

End of Part 7

To be continued in part 8

 

Jessica’s Journey

 Sequel to Andrews Dilemma

 By, Cain129

Part 8

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis:   Who killed James Roberts that is the question many people have been asking and what has Rocco been up to and what does he have in store for Jessica?

 

The camping trip turned out to be exactly what the doctor ordered and also a lot of fun.   It was already a little after 6PM, and there were only a couple hours of daylight left, so there wasn’t really any use in exploring the trails, at least not until morning.  

This left us with a couple of choices. We could just hang out at our campsite, or we could take a trip to Toronto to checkout the big city. Given the choice of sitting around the campsite for the entire night or exploring Toronto, I’d choose Toronto.

I looked over at Amy and Tara. “Do you guys feel like taking a trip to Toronto?”

“What’s in Toronto?” Amy asked.

“Scotty and I wanted to check out the Hard Rock Café and a few other places.”

Amy looked over at Tara. “What do you think, Tara?”

“I was thinking it’d be nice to just stick around the camp, and a few drinks together. But if you want to go, it’s alright, we can go.” Tara said with a smile.

“Well I am still pretty tired it might be nice to just relax and have a few drinks but the both of you can still go. Just make it back before it’s too late.” Amy said with a smile.

“I guess it’s just the two of us Scotty, and I’m driving.” I said with a smile.

“Jessica, nobody drives my baby but me.” Scotty said frowning

I leaned over and whispered into Scotty’s ear. “What’s more important to you, driving your car or maybe getting some?” I said, then gave him a wink.

Scotty looked like he was thinking, then reached into his pocket and handed me his keys. He didn’t really seem   all that happy about me drive his car though.

 

[-][+][-]

 

With everything decided, Scotty and I made our way over to his car. I soon found myself in the driver’s seat, with Scotty sitting in the seat next to me. After adjusting the seat and mirrors I was pretty much ready to go. I started the car, put it into reverse and backed it out a few feet, then put it into drive and we were on our way.

I purposely drove very poorly, just to make Scotty nervous. It was so much fun watching him twitch as I just missed going into the ditch. I did that a couple of times. Poor Scotty looked like he was going to open the door and make a run for it before his crazy girlfriend wrapped his car around a tree. I laughed, then just hit the gas and started driving normally.

“Jessica, you can be a real bitch at times, you know that right?” Scotty said, shaking his head.

“I know, but every girl needs a hobby.   You love me anyway, otherwise I wouldn’t be driving right now, would I honey?”

“Yes, but I’m starting to wonder if I am not the crazy one, just putting up with you, Jessica.”

“Maybe we’re both crazy Scotty, but I love you all the same.” I said, smiling. “Don’t worry so much, Scotty. I only want to drive to the next town, then you can take over from there. I don’t really want to drive in the city.”

“Do you even have a valid driver’s licence, Jessica?”

“I have my beginners permit, but if we were pulled over, it wouldn’t be good, Scotty.”

“Let me guess, it’s under the name ‘Andrew Roberts’?” Scotty said, frowning.

“Yes, and I really don’t feel like explaining the whole sordid mess to the police.”

“I can’t say that I blame you there. It might be a good idea to slow down then, the last thing we need is the police to pull us over for speeding, Jessica.”

“Maybe you’re right.” I said, slowing down to the posted limit.

The drive really didn’t take that long before we reached the town of East Gwillimbury, which really wasn’t much to see. I found a coffee shop, pulled in and found a place to park. We picked up a couple of coffees to go and Scotty took over the driving because the next town was Vaughan. It might not have been a big city, but it was the home of Canada’s Wonderland, so it was a tourist trap and traffic there was crazy.

I looked over at Scotty. “You know were not going home until I atleast go on a rollercoaster.”

“We can do that tomorrow, honey, I am sure that was part of Amy and Tara plans, there were plenty of other places we could have gone camping that were closer to home.”, Scotty said with a smile.

“I can’t wait! I’ve always wanted to go on a rollercoaster.” But I’d never really had the chance ‘til now. “Have you ever been on one Scotty?”

“I’ve been on a few. My parents took use to Disney World once. I was still pretty young, and there were only a couple that I was able to go on. I was still young and didn’t meet the height requirement for the main attraction. God, I remember how pissed off I was but it was still a fun trip.” Scotty said smiling

“This will be my first time, we should find out what it will cost to get a day pass Scotty, it will likely be cheaper than buying tickets.”

“That’s true Jessica and I believe that it covers everything in the park.”

“When we get back to the campsite I will ask Amy about it Scotty.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

It took us about 20 minute before we reached Yonge Street, which just happens to be the longest street in the world and definitly, one of the busiest. It was interesting as we made our way into the city.There were plenty of places that would be fun to check out if you really had the time to just explore the city, but Scotty and I only had a couple hours to look around. We already knew the destination that we were headed to,1 the only problem was finding it.

There was more than one Hard Rock Café in the city, one on Yonge Street and the other at the Skydome. We decided on the Skydome for a few reasons. It was where the Blue jays played and the CN Tower was right next to it, which would give us time to check out both places. I had brought my camera with me, thinking that it would be really cool to take some pictures of the city from the top of the tower.

The only problem with driving into a city like Toronto is finding a decent parking spot, especially downtown. Scotty and I decided the best bet was to park the car at the subway station in North York, which is pretty much on the outskirts of the city but still part of their transit system.

Once we found a parking spot, Scotty and I made out way into the terminal and paid for some tokens. We made our way over to the big map that was posted on the wall. We would have to take two different trains before we made it to our destination. The terminal that we were at was not all that busy, and there were plenty of seats on the train but once the train started going more and more people entered at every stop until there was barely any room to move without touching someone, it was a perverts paradise.

It took about 15 minutes before we reached our next stop which was Yonge and Bloor. From there we had to exit the train, which was easier said than done. Scotty stayed close to me the whole time, and didn’t let go of my hand till the two of us were off the train. This terminal was completely full of people, and it took the two of us a while to make it over to where we had to catch the next train. Eventually we managed, and were able to find a spot. It was pretty much standing room only. We were only on this train for 10 minutes before we arrived at our stop.

There was still a bit of a walk before we reached the Skydome. It was a nice night, and Scotty and I weren’t really in a big hurry.   It was that time of year when it really didn’t get dark out ‘til close to 8pm, so we still had a little time before it started to get dark. As the two of us got closer to our destination we saw a humongous store called Honest Ed’s, it almost reminded me of the entrance to a circus.

“Look at that Scotty”, I said with a smile.

“Honest Ed’s. I’ve heard about this store. Want to check it out Jessica?”

“Sure if you want, honey.” I said smiling

So a few minutes later we found our way inside. I couldn’t believe the size of the store and the things that they sold. Though I didn’t really buy much, I did grab three t-shirts that promoted the city of Toronto for Mom, Dad and Megan.

Scotty and I spent about 20 minutes in the store just looking around. The only time that he looked uncomfortable was when I went into the lady’s department. He just didn’t seem to all that much help when I started going through the lingerie section, but in the end we just left with the ball caps. Neither one of us had all that much money on us, but it was nice all the same.

After leaving Honest Ed’s, Scotty stopped at the instant teller and took out some money, then put it in his wallet and the two of us made our way over to the CN Tower.   What surprised me most was the cost of the tickets for the two of us. It came to a little over $40.00. I looked over at Scotty. “We really don’t have to do this I am happy with just going to the Skydome.”

“It’s alright Jessica, I want to see it too,” Scotty said, and paid for both of our tickets

“I have money Scotty; I can pay for my own.”

“No Jessica, keep your money. I wanted to do this.” Scotty said as he slipped his arm around my waste and pulled me closer to him

“Thanks Scotty, I said and I leaned over to give him a kiss. “Just being alone with you would have been more than enough for me.”

“We have the rest of our lives to be alone together baby, let’s just have some fun tonight.” Scotty said, returning my kiss.

I’m sure the two of us were putting on enough of a show for all the other visitors, but I’m sure most of the people only seen one thing, two people in love.

 

[-][+][-]

 

The CN Tower is really much more than what you see on the outside. There was even a revolving restaurant that overlooked the city below. It continuously rotated slowly, so that you could see the city from there. It would have been nice if we could have stayed there awhile, but it would have cost more than either of us could afford. Maybe we can remedy that in the future, but at the moment we were just two kids living at home with our parents. Who really knew what tomorrow would bring?

One of the best parts of the tower was the floor of glass. It provided awesome views of the city below and looking down you could see the Skydome. If the dome was open you could even watch the game, not that you would know what was going on, though. People looked like from where we were, but I managed to take a few pictures and I couldn’t wait to show them to Megan and Jennifer.

I even managed to take a few pictures of Scotty with the help of one of the other visitors. The two of us had our picture taken together as we stood on the observation deck. Scotty even took one of me laying down on the glass floor. Being the crazy girl that I am, I pretended to be falling, and when I had a chance to look at the picture, that was exactly what it looked like.

The two of us had a lot of fun, but eventually the tour ended and we found ourselves standing outside the Skydome. We made our way around the building until Scotty and I found the main entrance and eventually found ourselves at the Hard Rock Cafe. Once inside we found a place to sit while Scotty ordered. We had some time before we ate, so we just looked around at the different pictures and rock memorabilia.   There were some really nice guitars on the walls, and from where we were sitting you could look out and watch the Blue Jays playing.

It was all pretty cool and the food was excellent. Scotty had ordered the cheeseburger platters and it was really tasty, but I couldn’t eat it all. Not without putting my figure in jeopardy, and I liked the way I looked.   In the end I did manage to finish my cheeseburger, and Scotty took care of the rest of my fries. Where he put it, God only knows. If I ate like him I’d weigh close to 300 pounds, but then again, he plays a lot of sports.

“So are you enjoying yourself Jessica?” Scotty asked with a smile.

“Yeah baby, I’m having a great time!” I said, looking into those baby blues of his.

“I’m glad that Tara and Amy decided to stay behind. I want us to have a special night together,” Scotty said as he reached over and took my hand.

“Me too, Scotty. I’ve wanted to be alone with you for so long now, without all the distractions. There just never seemed to be a good time, well until now, anyway.” I said, happily.

“I know what you mean honey, but it’s all over with now and we can get back to living a normal life.” Scotty said as he held my hand in his.

“We should start back soon Scotty, we have a long drive ahead of us.”

“You’re right and it would be kind of rude not to spend some time with Tara and Amy, considering that they invited us and all,” he said with a thoughtful frown.

After paying the bill, Scotty and I made the long trip back to the terminal where we had parked. It took us about a half hour to get there, but we spent the time talking and enjoying each other’s company. Soon we were out of the city and back on the open road. Toronto had been fun, and someday we’d have to return and really explore the city.

 

Chapter 25

 

Scotty and I arrived back at the campsite around 9:30PM, and found Tara and Amy with a good size fire in the pit. They were cuddled up together on a blanket, and you could see that the two of them were enjoying their time together.

After parking the car Scotty and I grabbed a blanket of our own, unrolled it on the other side of the fire pit and joined them.

“So how was Toronto” Tara asked as she held a sleeping Amy.

“It was really nice Tara, Scotty and I went on the tour at the CN Tower and took some really cool pictures. After that we had a nice meal at the Hard Rock Cafe. So how long has Amy been sleeping?” I said after looking over at her.

“About an hour, I guess” Tara said as she looked at her with a contented smile.

“I’m not sleeping, just resting my eyes,” Amy said, sounding half asleep.

“Oh? Then explain the snoring you were doing earlier,” Tara accused, and she smiled.

“I don’t snore”, Amy said yawning and slowly pulling herself into a sitting position.

“Yeah right, you don’t snore. Remember, I’m the one that sleeps next to you!” Tara giggled.

“The two of you sound like an old married couple.” Scotty said, laughing at the two of them.

“I wish that was the case,” Amy frowned.

“Yes, sometimes life just isn’t fair.” Tara agreed, sadly.

“If you ask me it makes no sense.” Scotty said as he looked at Amy and Tara. “If two people love one another, why shouldn’t they be able to get married?”

“It really shouldn’t matter, but people are afraid of anything different. Had things worked out differently Scotty, the two of us wouldn’t be able to be married either.” I said sadly. “I believe that they view being transgendered the same as being homosexual. The silly thing is, I believe that I could marry another girl and it wouldn’t be a problem. Like, how screwed up is that?”

We all stayed up for a few more hours, but around 11 pm, Amy and Tara headed off to their tent to get some rest. Scotty and I weren’t really all that tired, and we decided to stay up for a while longer.   It just felt good as I lay next to the fire, feeling Scotty’s arms holding me close to him.

Every now and then I would feel him running his hands down my arms and it didn’t take long before I started getting Goosebumps all over. When he started kissing the back of my neck, I couldn’t help but find myself getting excited.

“Do you remember during the drive up, you said we didn’t have a song of our own Jessica?”

“Yeah, I remember honey. You said I just haven’t heard it yet.”

“Want to hear it, Jessica?” Scotty asked.

“Sure, let me have a listen.” I said with a smile.

Scotty slowly stood up and went over to the tent. He came back with his guitar then took a seat next to me and started into a melody.

What he was playing sounded familiar but I couldn’t place it at first. He started singing the words, and I realized what song he was playing. It was Blake Shelton’s, ”God gave me you.”

I couldn’t help but start crying as I heard him singing the song. I’ve always loved that song and every time I heard it on the radio or watched the video, it brought tears to my eyes, and made me wish that someone cared for me like that.

Here was the man I love, sitting next to me singing it to me, and what made it even more special was that Scotty’s not a big fan of country music. There’s no way he knew this song, he took the time to learn it just so that he could play it to me.

He had been planning this for a while. The whole time that he sang the song to me, not once did his eyes leave mine. When the song finally ended, Scotty laid the guitar down on the ground next to him and took me into his arms. When his lips met mine, it was like an electrical charge ran straight though my body. I knew from that moment what it felt like to be a woman truly in love.

Scotty looked at me, and there was a look in his eyes that I hadn’t seen before. I knew exactly what it meant, and I knew that I felt the same way.   I reached over, took his hand and then the two of us headed over to our tent.

Both of us were like wild animals, driven by a force beyond our control. My body was on fire with every touch of Scotty’s hand as he started slowly undressing me. I could feel how excited he was,   as his body rubbed up against mine. My mind kept telling me that I had to stop. My body obviously had other plans, and I undressed him.

It took us no time at all before we were both naked and seeing one another for the first time.   As he kissed me, I could feel his hand running down my body causing goose bumps all over. He gently started kissing his way down to my breast, then he started sucking on my nipples. I was in heaven, and could feel my body starting to go crazy with excitement.

I felt his hand slip down between my legs. I’m sure Scotty knew how excited   I was, and the more he touched me down there,   the more my body started going crazy. Eventually I lost all control, and found myself in the throes of my first orgasm.   I’m sure everyone would have heard me, had I not used the pillow to muffle the sounds that I was making.

Once I was able to regain control of myself, I slowly climbed on top of Scott. I started kissing him. I could feel him between my legs and if I pushed back just little he would be inside me. There was a part of me that really wanted him inside me.

When I start to push my body against him, I could feel the tip of his penis starting to slip inside me. I liked the feeling of him inside me, and I slow started rocking back and forth, taking him inside me just a little. Somehow, I came to my senses. I wasn’t on the pill and neither of us were using protection.

So I slowly made my way down his body and away from his manhood. It was bigger than I had expected. I looked up at him, and I could see this look of anticipation and need. The only thing I wanted to do at that moment was please my man. I took him into my mouth and just watched him as I slowly started moving my head up and down.  

I enjoyed watching him and soon felt his hands on my head, guiding me. At the same time, he pushed down, forcing me to take more and more of him into my mouth. Suddenly it felt different, then he let out a light moan and started to cum.   It had been my first intimacy with a

guy, and I knew that from this moment on I was truly a woman in every way.

“That was awesome!” I said, smiling from ear to ear.

Scotty smiled. “So were you, honey, although I wish we could have gone further”

“Believe me, I wanted to, and likely would have if I was on the pill and we were using protection. The last thing I want is to get pregnant, at least not now.”          

“I understand, believe me, right now I don’t want to be a father, but maybe someday, when the time is right.”

“We better put out the fire. I don’t trust leaving it going without someone watching it.”

“Alright honey, I’ll be right back,” he said with a big smile.

After Scotty returned, we called it a night. It felt good falling asleep in his arms, and feeling his body against mine.   Considering everything that had happened with the death of my uncle, it had turned out to be a great day that I would never forget.

 

Chapter 26

 

It was almost 7AM when I finally woke up. I looked over at Scotty and saw he was still fast asleep. I thought about the previous night’s activities, and couldn’t help but smile. I realized as I looked at the man I loved that nothing between the two of us would ever be the same.

There was a special bond between us now that I had never felt before. We never actually had intercourse, but I felt it all the same.   I knew one thing for sure, I badly needed a shower. I grabbed my knapsack and headed over to the showers.

It felt really good as the warm jets caressed my body.   After I finished showering, I made my way over to the mirror and saw my reflection. I couldn’t help but smile. The bruising was much lighter than before and would be much easier to conceal.

I spent the next 20 minutes doing my hair and makeup and getting dressed. I was pleasantly surprised at how well I was able to conceal the bruises, now that the area had lightened up. After I finished in the washroom I made my way back to our campsite. I found Amy sitting at the picnic table, and I took a seat across from her.

“Good morning Amy, did you sleep well?” I asked her cheerfully.

“I’m alright, but I could really use some coffee. Feel like taking a drive into town?” She   yawned.

“Sure, just let me put my knapsack in the tent and grab my purse,” I said as I headed for my tent.

“I’ll be in the car,” she told me, then started walking towards it.

When I went to the tent, I saw that Scotty was still sleeping. I didn’t want to disturb him, so I quietly placed my bag on the side of the tent next to his, and then grabbed my purse. I quietly slipped out and made my way over to Tara’s car. Amy was sitting in the passenger side again. As I climbed in , she handed me the keys and asked me to start driving”

I wasn’t used to this side of Amy. She was usually so chipper and full of energy, but I guessed that she wasn’t a morning person.   Once I put the car into drive and got on the road, Amy kept looking over at me.

“There is something different about you today she said. The eye looks better but that's not it.” Then she smiled. “Scotty and you did it, didn’t you?”

I shook my head surprised that she figured it out so fast, “How do you know?”

“It’s just written all over your face.” Amy giggled. “Alright girl, I want details!”

I smiled.” It was awesome, but we never went all the way. We came pretty close, though.”

“Thank god you didn’t take it further. The last thing you need is to get pregnant. I think it’s time that you have a good talk with your mom about going on the pill.” Amy suggested.

“But you’re right, the first time is always awesome,” she said giggling

 

[-][+][-]

 

“I think you’re right about talking to my mother. Scotty and I came pretty close to going all the way last night, and it wasn’t something that either of us planned on doing.”

“There’s nothing wrong with experimenting Jessica, just be careful. You don’t need to become a teenage mother. If that happened, you might as well kiss your future away. It’s pretty hard, raising a child and finding time to attend school, and you might as well forget about having a social life, because all your free time will be spent taking care of a child.

Amy was right I knew a few girls at school that got pregnant and the pretty much quit because they didn’t have anyone willing to help them with the child. I didn’t know what the future held for me. I did know that when I did have a child I wanted to be able to give that child everything that I didn’t have growing up and I couldn’t do that if I wasn’t mentally and physically ready.

 

[-][+][-]

 

The ride only took us 15 minutes before we reached the nearby town. We found a Tim Horton’s and a place to park, and then Amy and I made out way in. We ordered four large coffees and four breakfast sandwiches, then hurried back. It was still pretty early and there was very little traffic on the road, so I went a little faster them maybe I should have. We made it back without any trouble, and after parking the car we found Tara sitting at the picnic table, still half asleep.

“Good morning Tara, we come bearing gifts,” I said as I set the tray of coffee on the table. She   smiled, “Good morning Jessica, good morning Amy,” she said as she reached over and grabbed a coffee out of the tray

“I better wake up Scotty, before his breakfast gets cold.”     I said, then headed over to our tent

 

[-][+][-]

 

Once inside I lay down next to him. “Honey, it’s time to get up.”

“In a few minutes, Mom,” he grumbled, still half asleep.

I started giggling then leaned over and started kissing him on the lips, neck and ears which seemed to have the desired effect, and he seem to be starting to come around. “Come on baby, it’s time to get up. Amy and I went into town to get some breakfast. Wake up; it’s going to get cold.”

“Alright, give me a few minutes to get dressed and I’ll be right out honey.” Scotty said, and he slowly sat up.

“Okay, I’ll see you in a few minutes, Honey,” I told him, then I backed out and walked over to join Amy and Tara at the table.

“Is he getting up?” Tara asked.

“He’s getting dressed as we speak.” I said smiling.

 

[-][+][-]

 

A few minutes later Scotty came out and joined us at the table. He still looked half asleep, but as he drank his coffee he started to come around, as did Tara. Whereas Amy and myself had already had plenty of time to wake up.

I couldn’t help but think to myself how well I’d been doing recently. I’d been having terrible dreams, but last night I slept like a baby in Scotty’s arms. Now, if only mom and dad would be willing to let him move in. Something tells me that they might have a small problem with that idea.

As for myself, I think it would be a great idea, but I seriously doubt either of us would have sleeping on our minds. Well, at least for the first few months. As I drank my coffee I noticed Scotty looking over at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back at him.

 

[-][+][-]

 

The rest of the day was pretty much full, we spent most of it just hanging around the campsite and exploring the different trails. We did take another trip into Toronto as a group and did some exploring around the city.

Tara knew the city and had been there a few times, and was pretty much our tour guild. She took us to some pretty cool places, including the underground city. I thought to myself how much it was like a giant maze, stretching right across the downtown core.

We entered the underground city at Union Station, followed the different signs and eventually ended up at Yonge and Bloor. From there we exited and walked a few blocks into an area that Tara called Boys Town.

It was one of the biggest gay and lesbian communities in North America. She took us to a coffee house, which was very nicely decorated. There were nice comfy couches and even a deck outside where you could sit and watch all the people coming and going.

We choose to take our coffee outside and sit on the deck. It was a nice day, and none of us wanted to spend it sitting inside. It was interesting, just watching the people coming and going. It was also nice seeing that being here didn’t seem to bother Scotty, although there were a few times I could tell he was uncomfortable. Scotty is very good looking, and he just wasn’t used to having other guys interested in him.

It was funny when a guy sitting a table over started a conversation with us. Well, really it was Scotty that he was interested in talking to. Scotty was completely blind to the fact that this guy was interested in him, and he seemed to be really enjoying the conversation that the two of them were having.

Maybe it was the fact the he was spending the weekend with three girls that really had no interest in sports or other manly pursuits.   It wasn’t until we were ready to go that Scotty realized what was really happening, when the guy asked him if he would like to go out sometime.

It was a complete shock to him but Scotty was politely declined his offer. After we were far enough away, he turned to the three of us and asked us, “Did you guys know?”

It didn’t take long before the three of us started giggling, which indicated that all three of us knew but had said nothing. Scotty just shook his head, then reached over and took my hand

“He seemed so normal, nothing like I expected:” Scotty said, thinking aloud.

“Did you expect him to act differently?” Amy said frowning.

“I’ve never met a gay person, with the exception of you two, not that I think there is anything wrong with it, I’m just not used to having another guy interested in me, and to be honest the only real reference that I have to someone being gay is what I see on television. We all know how most gay people are portrayed there.” he said.

“You’ll find there are three types, in the closet, loud and proud and moderate like Amy and myself. We’re no different the any other couple, other than the fact that we are lesbians. We do all the same things a normal couple would, but the difference is that we’re not afraid to admit that we’re together, although we don’t flaunt it either.” Tara said smiling

“Places like this are special though. We can pretty much be ourselves, without people making judgements.” Amy said, and put her arm around Tara’s waist as the two of them walked.

[-][+][-]

 

We spent most of the day just exploring the city, and then made the long trip back to the campground near supper time. After supper Scotty and I decided to head down to the lake and have a swim. I wore my new bikini, which seemed to make Scotty a happy camper. For some reason, he couldn’t seem to keep his hands off me, not that I really minded. There was a part of me that really enjoy all the attention.

Later that night, Scotty and I took out our guitars and spent most of the evening playing different songs. It was a lot of fun and it didn’t take long before Amy and Tara were singing along with us. Like the old saying goes, though, all good things eventually have to come to an end.   Scotty and I decided to call it a night. Neither of us was really tired, we just wanted some time alone together.   It was our last night to be together like this, and both of us wanted to make the most of it.  

After the two of us were alone it didn’t take long before one thing led to another and the two of us were making love. Like the previous night, we didn’t go all the way. We still enjoyed ourselves and unlike the previous night, we took our time and started learning about each other. By the time we passed out, the two of us were thoroughly exhausted.

End of Part 8

To be cont

Jessica’s Journey

 Sequel to Andrews Dilemma

 By, Cain129

Part 9

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis:   After being assaulted by her Uncle James, Jessica was left battered and bruised. The worst part though was the emotional damage that occurred from the assault which left her plagued by nightmares. Jessica planned on spending the weekend camping with her friends, but there was a part of her that just wanted to stay home and hide from the world.

In the end she decided to join her friends, and the weekend turned out to be one she would never forget. There are still forces that are working in the background and their purpose hasn’t become clear. What does Rocco have in store for Jessica, and who killed James Roberts?

Chapter 27

 

Janice thought that she was going to have a nice relaxing weekend until there was a loud knock at the door. She made her way over to the window and looked out. There were two police officers standing just outside.

Janice immediately started getting worried that something happened to one of the girls. She slowly unlocked the door and opened it hoping that it wasn’t bad news

“Janice Tanner, I am Detective Walker and this is my partner, Detective Hernandez, could we have a few minutes of your time?”

“Sure, come inside,” Janice said, stepping aside to allow them to enter. As the officers came inside, Janice asked them, “So what is this all about?”

Detective Walker was the first to speak. “We’re here concerning your adopted daughter’s uncle, James Roberts. He was found dead at the Hospital, and we are currently treating it as a suspicious death.”

“So what does this have to do with me?” Janice asked, nervously.

“Most likely nothing, but whenever we investigate a murder, we have to follow all the leads.     Since your daughter was assaulted by him, it does put you on the list of suspects.” Detective Hernandez explained.

“You really don’t think that I could just waltz into the hospital, bypass security and the officer watching his room by magically turning invisible so that no one could see me kill him, do you?   Give me a break, but I’ll admit that I feel whoever did kill the bastard should be given a medal.” Janice said.

“Neither of us believes that you did it, Mrs. Tanner. We’re just here to cover our bases and rule you out. Could you please tell us where you were between 2:00am and 3:00am last night?” Detective Walker explained.

“I was tossing and turning most of the night, worrying about my daughter and couldn’t sleep well. I decided to go for a drive and eventually ended up at Tim Horton’s. I’m sure the staff can verify that I was there around that time.” Janice told them.

“Alright, that pretty much takes care of our questions for you. Would your daughter be home?” Detective Hernandez asked. “As I’m sure you know, we need to ask her a few questions as well.”  

“You can’t be serious,” Janice said angrily. “That man assaulted her! Who the hell do you think the real victim is? Jessica was home and in bed at the time. She was finally dragged out of the house to go on a camping trip near Toronto with some friends, as a way to recover from her assault. If you want to talk to her then you’ll have to wait until she gets home on Monday. So, are we done with the questions? Unless you plan on arresting me, I’d like you both to leave.” Janice said self righteously.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After leaving the Tanner residence Detective Hernandez turned to his partner. “So, what do you think, is she a suspect?”

“I don’t know, we’ll check out her story. I do know one thing; I’d rather take on the entire Hells Angels organization than get between that woman and her children.” Detective Walker said, frowning.

“Alright, who is the next name on the list?” Detective Walker asked his partner.

“We have two choices. First, there’s Sarah Roberts, Jessica’s biological mother.” Detective Hernandez said, looking into the case file. “This time, I’mplaying the good cop.”

“I don’t know, you seem to play the part of the bad cop pretty well. I thought she was going to jump off the couch and tear you apart.” Detective Walker said smiling.

“I think she came pretty close to it, but I believe she’s innocent though. She’s just very protective when it comes to her kids.” Detective Hernandez agreed with a chuckle.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Janice was fuming after the officers left. How could they even think that Jessica could do such a thing? She walked over, picked up the phone and called Anthony’s cell phone. He had taken Megan and Jennifer to the mall. She needed to talk to him and didn’t want to wait until he returned home.

 

Chapter 28

 

Kelly yawned as she waited outside her apartment building. Her father had called her the previous night and said that there was someone that he wanted her to meet.  

“You better have a good reason for getting me out of bed on my day off.” Kelly said as she slid into the passenger side.

Mason smiled, “Its important kiddo, we’re going to meet your new partner. He’ll also be playing your father.” Masson said, passing Kelly her coffee.

“I couldn’t have met him in at the station?”   Kelly asked, frowning.

“Under normal conditions, we could have met at the station but I don’t want to risk it. I’m sure that there are still a few bad cops on the force.”

“I don’t want to risk blowing the operation because your cover is blown. There is also that fact that no one knows that John Burke even here. I haven’t added him to payroll yet, and I don’t plan on adding him until I know that both of your covers are secure.” Mason said with a grin.

“Can you actually do that, Daddy? I mean, the guy needs to get paid.” Kelly asked with a frown.

“We have a fund for paying informants. I’ll be paying him out of that fund, and then deducting the money from his payroll, that way everyone gets paid.” Mason said grinning.

“It seems that you’ve figured out everything.” Kelly said, then took a drink of her coffee.

“Everything’s setup, all that’s left is getting you up to speed. Just promise me that you’ll be careful. Once you’re inside, there won’t be much that I can do to help you.” Mason frowned.

“I’ll be alright, this is what I’ve been training for, Daddy.”

“I know honey, but training and being in the field are two different things. Things happen in the field when you’re gathering information. You may be asked to do something illegal, just to prove that you’re really loyal to them. ” Mason said to his daughter.

Kelly looked at her father. “If that happens, how far should I be willing to go?”

“That depends on what they are asking you to do, Kelly. If your life’s in danger, than do whatever it takes to stay alive. Everything else, just report it to me or your partner and we can deal with it later.”

“So Daddy, how am I going to contact you, I doubt you want me to call the station.”

“I have a cell phone setup with voicemail, you call and login, then we can pass messages back and forth. That way the only ones that will be able to access the voicemail will be just the two of us and your partner.   You’ll be able to text also, so if at any time you feel that your cover is blown just text 911. You’ll be wearing a tracker, so we’ll know your location at all times, if you’re in trouble we’ll extract you as quickly as possible.” Mason said calmly, though he was a little apprehensive.

“It sounds like you have everything planned, Daddy.”

“Everything that I could think of has been taken care of, the rest depends on you Kelly.”

“Alright Daddy, than I should start preparing for my role, If I’m going to be playing an abused kid, then maybe I should checkout some of the support groups in the area. It’ll give me a better idea of how I should be portraying myself, and maybe I’ll model myself off of one of the girls in the group.”

“That’s a good idea Kelly. It might also be a good idea to make a few friends there. I know that this is not going to be an easy job and it will likely cause you a lot of pain. Just remember that it was people like these that killed your mother and father. Use that as your ammunition.   It’ll also help you connect with the women in the support group.” Mason said sadly.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Mason and Kelly drove for close to an hour before arriving at John Burke’s home. This turned out to be a small farm that had a barn with 2 horses, a few cows and even a chicken coop which was next to the barn.   There was also a really nice Harley Softail classic parked out front, Kelly thought to herself that John Burke was not your typical police officer, and she was right. John had been working as a detective with the Drug Enforcement Division for over 20 years and spent most of that time stationed in Halifax, Nova Scotia.

Mason had met John shortly after joining the police academy and the two became good friends. Even though they both ended up working in different provinces, they still kept in touch by phone and over the internet.

Mason and Kelly made their way over to the front door. Mason knocked a few times and was soon met at the door by a lady that looked to be in her early 40’s. The thing that surprised Kelly were the tattoos that covered the woman. As she looked around at the rest of the farm, seeing the chickens, horses and cows, she just didn’t seem to fit the picture of a country girl. Maybe a biker babe, but not someone that looked like they belonged on a farm.

“You must be Mason, John has told me all about you. I’m Beth, it’s nice to finally meet you. I guess you must be our new daughter, Kelly. It’s nice to meet you too.” Beth said with a big smile.

“It’s nice to finely meet you also Beth.” Mason said  

“It’s nice to finally meet you too, Beth.” Kelly said with a smile.

“Where are my manners? Please come inside and make yourselves at home, John is in the study, just down the hall, first door on the right. I’ll let you guys get reacquainted while I grab some drinks and meet you in the study.” Beth said and headed off to the kitchen while Daddy and Kelly made their way to John’s study.

 

[-][+][-]

 

True to Beth’s word, John was busy working in his study. There were boxes everywhere all in various states of being unpacked. Mason gave a light knock just outside the door. John turned around and smiled when he saw him.

“Mason, it’s about time you got off your fat ass and came over to help us unpack.” John said grinning, then came over and gave his friend a hug,

“It’s good to see you too, you old bastard. Looks like you have been keeping well. You remember the little lady standing next to me?” Mason said to his friend.

“Of course I remember!” John said, with a big smile. “You have sure grown into a beautiful young lady. I think you were maybe 8 years old the last time that I saw you. It’s nice to see you again, I’m sure that we’ll have plenty of time to get to know one another. Why don’t we take this little family reunion into the living room?”

 

[-][+][-]

 

After everyone was seated, Beth joined them in the living room carrying a tray of with four beers on it and a big bowl of chips.

  “I never really had a chance to thank you for taking the job, John. Since I became Police Chief, I’ve been walking around with a target on my head.   Vincent’s people were everywhere and it seems that even after a month we’re still finding them.”

“I’ve called in every favour I had, just to get people here I could trust. It’s a complete mess, John. At first I thought about walking away, but I couldn’t. I finally had to power to make a difference, and to just walk away would’ve been wrong.” Mason said, and took a drink of his beer.

“How many people have agreed to join us?” John asked.

“At the moment there is you, Kelly and four others, but there are a few others I’ve asked to join us. I want to have people in key positions and when this job is finished,   I want you to take over our Drug Enforcement Unit.” Mason said.

“It would be a pleasure Mason, if you’re interested though, there are a few friends of mine that we should contact. They’re good officers with clean records. I’ve trained them myself and would trust them with my life. The only problem is that they’re young and inexperienced, but the way I see it, what they lack in experience they will make up for in loyalty.” John said with a smile.

“All right, if you say that we can trust them, your word is all I need. Why don’t you give them a call and see if they’re interested in joining us. If they are have them come as soon as possible. We can get together and figure out where best to assign them later. Now let’s talk about the present assignment.” Mason said with a smile.

 

Chapter 29

 

It was around 11 am when I finally awoke. Scotty and I had made the most of the time we had left and I think that it was after 3 am before we finally fell asleep. The weekend turned out better than I had hoped, and I was sad to see it coming to an end. I knew that it was time to be heading back, though.

I felt better, both mentally and physically, than I had in a long time.   I looked over at Scotty, leaned over and kissed him, then whispered, “I love you, baby.” Then I found my robe and slipped into it. I made my way over, grabbed my knapsack and made the short walk over to the showers. I spent the next 20 minutes having a shower and doing my makeup.

The bruises were pretty much gone now and I was looking almost normal, I had decided to wear my little blue sundress, so after I finished I got dressed.

I headed back to our tent and woke Scotty up.

  He tried to roll on top of me, but I knew that wasn’t really a good idea. When i told him to get his ass to the showers, he pouted a little and tried to use those puppy dog eyes on me, but to no avail, and eventually did as he was told. I headed over to the picnic table and as I was sitting there noticed that Tara’s car was gone and figured they must have gone on a coffee run.

Feeling a little bored I walked over to my tent and grabbed my guitar case, then returned to the picnic table and took it out of its case.   I started thinking about what I wanted to play and started playing around on a song that was forming in my mind. It had been awhile since I had done any real writing, and I could tell that this one wasn’t going to come out easily.

I just kept playing it, making changes here and there until I found the sound I wanted, and then

continued working on the rest the song. As I played, words started forming and I started singing them, making changes so the music and words blended together.

It can be a long process writing a song, matching it up so music and words blend together, but slowly it all started coming together. I stopped long enough to grab my song book and wrote down the sheet music and then filled in the words, that way I knew that I wouldn’t forget what I had done so far.   I picked up the guitar and continue working on the next part of the song. I managed to add another few verses to it before I saw Tara and Amy arriving.

Once the two of them exited, I could see that I was right, they had done a coffee run. I placed my guitar back in its case and closed the case, then set it on the ground next to me. It didn’t take long before they joined me at the table and Amy handed me a coffee.

“Is Scotty still in bed?” Amy asked me, as she took her coffee and Tara’s out of the tray.

“You wore the poor guy out last night, didn’t you?” Tara said giggling

“You heard us?” I said, shocked. I had tried so hard to keep quiet, but I guess not hard enough.

“Yes, we I heard you. I just hope the two of you didn’t take it too far.” Tara said smiling

“We didn’t go all the way, if that’s what you mean Tara.” I said smiling.

“Good, the two of you have plenty of time. There’s no reason to hurry things along.” Tara said, taking a drink of her coffee.

“You look much better this morning Jessica, the bruising is pretty much gone. It looks like you’re a fast healer.” Amy said reaching over and touching under my eye. “Does it still hurt?”

“Just a little Amy, but it likely will for a while.”

“So, you ready to face the real world again?” asked Tara.

“I think so, I feel much better now mentally and physically. I have to admit that I’m going to miss this place, there are so many good memories here,” I said, smiling at the thought.

“Thanks for inviting me, I think that I really needed something like this, and not just because of the assault. It’s helped me deal with some issues that I haven’t been able to let go of ‘til now.” I said as I frowned at those memories.

“Do you mind me asking Jessica, What issues?” Amy asked, looking me in the eyes.

“I don’t mind, it’s easier to talk about now. I’ve lived most of my life as a boy, and even though I knew that I was different, what could I do about it?   I was programmed to believe that I was a boy and had to act according to those beliefs.

When I couldn’t live up to those expectatiations, I took the coward’s way out and tried to take my own life. I eventually came to terms with the fact that I was really a girl. It helped that I had the medical documentation to reaffirm that, but it didn’t change the fact that there was always a part of me that refused to accept it.

I still felt like a fake, not a real girl. This weekend has changed that, though. Scotty helped me accept that I was fully a woman and not some boy dressed as one. When the two of us made love, it changed everything for me.

I’m no longer that scared little boy that tried to take his life. I’m a woman in love with a sweet guy that loves me. I never really knew what love was really. How could I? Those things you learn from watching your parents. I came from a dysfunctional family, my parents didn’t know how to show love, not in a healthy way.

When I moved in with the Tanners I started to see that everything that I knew and believed was wrong. I saw how much they loved one another. I was so jealous at first, and there was a part of me that even thought it was an act! I thought that once they got comfortable around me they’d stop acting, and I’d see them for what they really were, but that never happened.

Than the unthinkable happened. They started treating me the same way that they did with Megan! They even accepted me as a girl, even before the real truth came out about my gender. All my life I had been told that I was worthless and would never amount to anything. Inside I was dying, and to be honest had they not accepted me for who I really was then I likely would have tried to take my life again. I wouldn’t go back to that life, I couldn’t. I would rather die.

“It’s over now honey, and whatever happens now is your choice. Whatever may happen in the future, just remember that you have people that love you.” Amy said reaching over and taking my hand in hers.

“I will always be here too, Jessica”, Tara said with a smile.

I couldn’t help but smile, “I know that if something is wrong I can always turn to either one of you, we’re like sisters. I just hope you know that if you ever need me, I’ll always be there for   both of you.”

A few minutes later, Scotty joined us at the table.

“Cool, just what the doctor ordered!” He said, grabbing his coffee.

“So how was your night?” asked Tara

[-][+][-]

 

Rocco had been waiting for Adrian to call and give him an update on his present assignment. He was getting ready to take out a corrupt Politian. It was nasty business but it needed to be done. By the time he was finished, everyone that had been a part of Vincent’s organization would   be dead, and then Rocco could concentrate on his own plans without worrying about interference.

He made his way over to the bar and with shaking hands started pouring himself a stiff drink. He had been sober for quite a few years but none of that mattered now. Whatever happened, he was committed to the plan and would see it through.   He just needed to make sure that he had all the right people in place. Once that happened, there were going to be a lot of people paying a heavy price for their indiscretions.

Rocco took a seat on his couch and thought about his life and how it had lead him up to this point. This hadn’t really been the life that he dreamed of having. His dreams were much simpler. When he was a kid, he wanted to be a doctor and help people, but he was born into this life, as was his father and grandfather. There was a time when he thought of running from what was expected of him, but the truth of the matter was, there was nowhere that he could have run to that the family couldn’t find him. Now he was leading the family.

The question was, where was this all leading too? Would it fall apart if he wasn’t there to hold everything together? He knew that Adrian would do everything in his power to see that his vision was realized, but he was just one man and the course that he had chosen led to uncharted waters. It had never been done, at least successfully.

Rocco poured himself another drink, then thought about and old quote that he had once read, ‘an intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius——and a lot of courage——to move in the opposite direction.’ Rocco thought to himself as he downed another drink, “Let’s just hope that I am more the genius and not the fool.”

A few minutes later, Rocco’s phone started ringing he looked at the number as said it’s about time then picked up the phone, “I hope you have good news for me, Adrian”

“Yes and no, Rocco. The good news is, I got all the information we needed on the Politician and have sent it to all the news outlets and arranged for the hit to happen for tomorrow. The bad news is I found a list of names on Greg’s computer. I sent the list to Brian to find out who they are. There was also a message on his machine from Josh Richards he was trying to setup a meeting at a warehouse on the west side.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Rocco thought for a minute then the name came to him, Josh Richards worked for the Borelli’s and was involved in child trafficking. Once the kids came into contact with him they usually disappeared and were never seen again.   “What time is the meeting, Adrian?”

“It’s for two o’clock tomorrow Rocco, do you want me to take care of Josh?”

“Dammit, were not ready yet to take on the Borelli family but we just can’t sit still and do nothing. If we tip off the police, by the time they can do anything those kids will be already out of the country.” Rocco said frustrated.

“I can make it look like one of our rivals did the hit. If they end up killing one another, then so much the better for our plans.” Adrian suggested.

“All right Adrian, just make sure there is nothing to lead them back to us.”

“What do I do with the kids if they’re in the warehouse?”

“I’ll set up a safe house until we can contact the parents and send the kids home.”

“All right Rocco, I’ll make the arrangements. Watch the news tomorrow night, it should be interesting.” Adrian said, then ended the call.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Rocco picked up the phone and dialled a number. “Sheila, I have a job for you. I know you’re probably not ready, but I have a group of kids that will be coming your way. I am not sure what kind of shape they’re in, but if we don’t move now, they will likely be taken out of the country before the end of the week. Anything that you need, just pay for it and give me the receipts. I’ll write you a check to cover all the expenses.”        

“We’re not ready Rocco, but we’ll make it work.” Sheila promised. She sounded concerned.

“Thanks Sheila, I owe you one.” Rocco said, and then started coughing loudly.

“Are you alright Rocco?” Sheila asked, worriedly.

“Yeah, I’m just getting over the flu. I got to go, call me if you need anything.” Rocco said, then hung up the phone.

Well, it looks like we’re committed now, Rocco said to himself. He went over to his desk and started going over his naughty and nice list.

 

Chapter 30

 

Scotty and I had spent most of the morning packing everything up and getting ready for the trip home. We decided against going to Canada’s Wonderland, we would eventually check it out, but the next time we’d go as a group. I knew that Megan and Jennifer would love to be with us for that.  

We decided to meet up for supper at one of the truck stops close to home, and then we’d go our separate ways.   Soon the four of us piled into our cars and started the long drive home.   Scotty and I talked most of the way and in between I passed my time just watching the scenery, listening to the radio and texting everyone back home. I let them know about our weekend and that we were on the way home.

Scotty looked over at me. “So what are your plans for the week?”

“Not really sure, but I think it’s time that I start getting into the swing of things again. I have a ton of things that I need to get done for school, and I think enough time has passed that I should start attending cheerleading practice again.”

“That’s cool, it’ll be good to see you at the games again. I know it hasn’t felt the same when I would look over and not see you there.” Scotty said sadly.

“Well I’m here now, baby.” I said smiling.

“I know honey, and this weekend was amazing!” Scotty said, giving my knee a squeeze.

“Scotty, do you think that you can do me a favor on Tuesday? I have a meeting that I really should start attending, and I’ll be there for an hour. If you can’t pick me up, I’m sure that Mom or Dad will come get me. I just need a drive there, and I’d rather you take me.”

“Sure Jessica, anytime you need a drive, just ask. If I’m free, I don’t mind taking you.”

“Thanks honey, so are you up to anything this week?”

Scotty thought about it for a few seconds. “Besides school, football and work, not really much.”

“I hope you’ve made time for me.” I pouted.

“I always have time for you, baby.” Scotty said smiling.

“That’s good Scotty because I’m going to need a lot of loving.” I   giggled.

“You’re not the only one Jessica.” Scotty said, and slipped his arm around me.

Scotty and I continued driving for another hour before I received a text from Amy saying that they were going to pull over at the next truck stop for a bite to eat. I sent a quick reply, letting them know that we’d meet them there.   Eventually we pulled into the truck stop, found a place to park and caught up to Tara and Amy, who were waiting for us in front of the restaurant.

Once inside we found a booth and waited for a waitress, “It seems to be taking a lot longer to go home then it did driving up,” Amy said, frowning at her watch.                                                                                                                                                      

“There’s a good reason for that, Amy. You slept the whole trip drive up.” Tara said, rather smugly.  

“I don’t know, I’m rather enjoying the drive,” I said with a smile

“That’s because the two of you can’t keep your hands off each other!   You know when you get home you’re not going to be able to get away with it as easy.” Amy said giggling

“Maybe but our parents can’t watch us 24/7, right, Scotty?”

“Nope, but we still should be careful the last thing we need is for them to think we are too serious, otherwise they might start interfering.”

“You might be right Scotty, my parents are   overprotective sometimes.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

A few minutes later the waitress came and took our orders, After looking at the menu, Scotty ordered the fish and chips and a couple of cokes for the two of us. Tara and Amy ordered cheese burger platters. I loved cheeseburger but was happy with what Scotty ordered it had been awhile since I had fish and chips.  

It was still going to be awhile before our orders came, so the four of us just talked and enjoyed each other’s company. Scotty had put his arm around me and I could feel his hand lightly caressing me. I really didn’t mind it wasn’t like anyone could tell what he was doing.

It was around 15 minutes before the waitress started bringing over our orders and I was quite surprised at how tasty the fish and chips were, but all I had to do was take one look to know that there was no way that I would be able to eat everything on my plate. I guessed that I’d have to give the rest to the human garbage disposal that was busy caressing my behind.

Scotty didn’t really seem to have a problem with that, considering he ate everything on his plate and everything that was left on mine. Tara and Amy just stared in disbelief. “How can he eat that much and not look like the Goodyear blimp?” Tara asked, shaking her head.

“I’m on the football team, so I work out every day. The only time I need to watch what I eat is over the holidays, because that’s the only time there’s no practice.” Scotty said with a smile.

After we finished dinner, Scotty and I said our goodbye, it was easier for us to take another route to get home.   The rest of the ride only took us about 30 minutes before Scotty reached my home.  

Scotty carried my bags to the door and said, “I better get home, Mom and Dad will likely have a million questions, and it’s going to take me all night to answer them.”

“I had fun too, honey. Now shut up and kiss me already.” I said smiling. Scotty happily obliged.

Neither of us seemed very eager to see the other go, as the kiss seemed to last forever but eventually the two of us had to come up for air.

“I better get going”, Scotty said frowning

“I know and me too, I love you Scotty”, I said with a smile

“I love you too Jessica”, Scotty said as he turned around and climbed inside his car, “I will call you tomorrow honey, have a good night sweetheart.”

“Bye Scotty”, I said and watched him drive off.

 

[-][+][-]

 

I slowly opened the door and ran straight into Megan and Jennifer. I had no doubts that they were watching the show that Scotty and I had put on outside the door.

“If the two of you are done watching the show, you could help me carry some of this stuff inside.” I said with a grin.

A few minutes later the three of us had everything back in my room. “God, I am tired out!” I said as I dropped down onto my bed.

“You’re not going to bed yet, we want details!” Jennifer said giggling.

“Where are Mom and Dad anyway?” I asked Megan.

“They had to go out, all they would say is that it was important and they would be home later. Now stop beating around the bush, how was your weekend?” Megan said, smiling.

“It was alright, I had a lot of fun.”

“Is that all you’ve got to say? You and Scotty shared a tent, and nothing happened?” Jennifer said frowning.

  “We did some things, but we didn’t go all the way, are you happy now?” I said, blushing.

“What did you guys do?” Jennifer tittered.

I shook my head. “It doesn’t matter what we did, all that matters is that we love each other.”

“You’re right Jessica, but tell me, was it everything you thought it would be?” Megan asked, looking really serious.

“It was better than I thought it would be, and the feelings that I experienced. . . I didn’t think it was possible to ever feel that way just from being touched. It does make you wonder one thing. If it felt that good, what would it feel like to go all the way with him?”

 

End of part 9

To be continued in part 10  

Jessica’s Journey

 Sequel to Andrews Dilemma

 By, Cain129

Part 10

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis:   After spending the weekend with Scotty and her friends, Jessica returns home and gets ready to return to school and start living a normal life. A lot has happened but she feels ready to finally face the world and whatever life decides to throw at her.

 

 

After I got home Jennifer and Megan asked a million questions about spending the weekend with Scotty.   I took a seat on my bed and told them the entire story. Megan and Jennifer were happy for me and I had to admit that I enjoyed having good friends to share stuff like this with.

“So what did the two of you do this weekend?” I asked, looking over at them.

“Nothing much, we did some shopping and saw a movie with the boyfriends.” Megan said with a grin.

“Nowhere as exciting as your weekend Jessica,” Jennifer said, and her smug smile almost made me blush.

“I had a great weekend and enjoyed myself. There’s a part of me that’s going to miss that place. Scotty and I made several good memories there.”

  “I almost forgot, I didn’t come home empty-handed!” It only took about a minute before I found the bag that I was looking and handed a ball cap and t-shirt to Megan and Jennifer.

“Thanks, Jessica!” the two of them said together

“I’m sorry I couldn’t buy more, but Scotty and I were walking to the CN Tower and the Skydome”

“There fine Jessica,” Megan said, putting her ball cap on.

“Yeah Jessica,” Jennifer said happily, then reached down, pulled her shirt off and slipped into the new one. “Look, it's a perfect fit!”

I smiled. “Scotty and I were talking, and we’re planning another camping trip, this time for all of us.”

“When were you thinking Jessica?” Megan asked excitedly.

“I‘m not sure Megan, sometime after school is out, that’s all I know.”

“Sounds like fun, I can’t wait!” Jennifer exclaimed.

“The campgrounds are nice, there are many hiking trails and even a beautiful lake that’s perfect for swimming. If we want to take a ride, Canada’s Wonderland is close by.”

“So I’m taking it that it's time to start saving up for the trip.” Jennifer said thoughtfully.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea Jennifer. It's not that expensive if everyone chips in with renting the campsite, but your still going to need spending money.” I explained.

 

 

Megan and Jennifer helped me unpack, and between the three of us everything was quickly put away. I had to admit, it was good to be home. The three of us stormed the kitchen and laid waste to a container of rocky road ice cream. It had been a while since the three of us had spent time together, and it was nice to just sit back and talk with my sister and friend.”

After finishing up in the kitchen, the three of us moved into the living room. Megan clicked the on button for the television and switched the channel to MTV. They were playing some kind of...garbage! I had to be the only teenager I knew that wasn’t into all the recent rock music.   I didn’t mind the older rock, because there seemed to be at least some kind of meaning behind the songs. But how can you find meaning to a song when you can’t even understand a word they’re saying?

Megan and Jennifer didn’t seem to mind though, as they were up dancing and trying to get me to join them.   Eventually I did, through when it came to dancing I wasn’t what you would call graceful! They were patient with me, and they tried to show me the different moves. I eventually caught on, but I had a long ways to go if I was ever going to be as good as the two of them were.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Janice and Anthony were sitting on Bill’s couch, while he was on the phone. After talking to the police, Janice had called her husband, and hearing how distressed Janice was he gave Bill’s office a call. Anthony and Bill met in college, and they became good friends. When Jessica first moved in, Bill was the one that had helped take care of all the legal matters, including Jessica’s adoption.

Their families had always been close.   Bill was Megan’s god-father, which in his mind now extended to Jessica. When he was asked to check up on what was going on, he started making some calls.   Eventually he was able to put all the pieces together.

After getting off the phone he took a seat across from Janice and Anthony, “All right. I’ve talked to a friend of mine at the DA’s Office.   What he told me is completely off the record, but James Roberts was murdered and they suspect that it was a mob hit.

This is what I was told. Jake Roberts went to a man named Vincent Campanelli for help in finding Jessica. Campanelli at the time was the leader of the 3^rd largest mob organization in North America.   His cousin was assigned to find Jessica, but he double crossed Vincent, killing him and taking control of the organization.

Since then, anyone loyal to his cousin has disappeared, and they are presumed dead. James Roberts and his cousin Brian Wilson, who is believed to be the one that made the introductions between Jake Roberts and Vincent, seem to be the latest victims.

“So you don’t think Jessica is in any danger?” Janice asked, concerned.

“I really don’t think so Janice. The only people that have been targeted are bad cops that were part of Vincent’s organization and people that were loyal to him.

“The police officers that visited you were just trying to throw you off so they could watch your reactions to their questions. It’s a common tactic. One officer plays good cop while the other plays bad cop, and all they saw was a protective mother.” Bill said.

“Are they still going to want to talk to Jessica?” Anthony asked his friend

“It’s possible that they will, Anthony.” Bill told him. “But it will be quick considering the child was in bed at the time of his death and they’re more concerned with arresting Rocco Campanelli.”

“If you want I could be there for the questioning, but I really don’t think you’ll need me. It might make them think that you have something to hide.”

“Thanks Bill, I guess we just needed some reassurances for our own peace of mind.” Anthony said, feeling a little better now.

“It’s not a problem Anthony, that’s what I’m here for.” Bill said, smiling.

 

 

Across town Sarah and Janet had just finished supper and were busy doing the dishes when they heard a knock at the door. Janet turned to her sister. “Are you expecting anyone?”

“Not until later, around 7pm,” Sarah said as she dried a dish

“I’ll be right back,” Janet said, leaving Sarah to continue doing the dishes.

A few minutes later Janet returned, followed by two officers. “Sarah, they want to talk to you.” Janet said, worried that her sister had done something stupid.

“Mrs. Roberts, could we have a few minutes of your time?” asked one of the officers.

Sarah finished drying the plate she was holding, then took a seat at the table. “So what is this all about?” asked Sarah, feeling uneasy.

“I’m Detective Walker and this is my partner, Detective Hernandez. We are here concerning your brother in-law, James Roberts.”

“What about him?” Sarah said, not really sounding that concerned.

“He was murdered.” Detective Walker said frowning.

“Good for him, it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy.” Sarah said sarcastically.

“I take it that the two of you weren’t very close.” Detective Hernandez said with a smile.

“The bastard assaulted my daughter! Do you have any idea who killed him, I’d like to thank them.” Sarah said with a smile.

“We are still working on that but could you tell us where you were on Saturday night between 2 and 3 am?” Detective Walker asked.

“Let’s see, oh yes, I was sleeping.” Sarah said looking over at Janet.

“I can verify, she was here me, the two of us had watched a movie that ended around 2 am.” Janet said with a smile.

“Alright that is about it, by the way what movie did you watch?” asked Detective Walker.

“They had a Mel Gibson marathon on, I think they were playing Braveheart.” Janet said.

“I love that movie.” Detective Hernandez said.   “Thanks for your time I believe we have all the information we need, have a good night.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

After the police had left, Janet angrily turned to her sister. “I can’t believe you made me lie for you! You killed him, didn’t you Sarah?”    

“Yes I did, the bastard hurt my daughter and your niece, and he deserved it! She’s finally happy and he would have done everything in his power to make her suffer. I couldn’t have that.”

“Sarah, if the police find out, you’ll spend the rest of your life in jail.” Janet said, tearfully.

“It’s a small price to pay for my daughter. I was a terrible mother to Andrew and I’m not going to make the same mistakes with Jessica. If that means I spend the rest of my life behind bars to protect her, I will!” Sarah said, slamming her fist into the table.

 

“Let’s just hope that doesn’t happen, because I’ll be right behind you, Sarah. You just made me your accomplice.” Janet said sadly.

“I’m sorry Janet, the last thing I wanted to do was involve you.”

“Well it’s too late now, what’s done is done.” Janet said, frowning.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Shortly after Jennifer left for home, Megan and I went upstairs to her room. After living here for the last 3 months, I still couldn’t get over how many stuffed animals she had. When I looked at her room, it looked like any other teenage girls room, with the exception of mine.

The big difference between our rooms was, mine didn’t really show much of my personality, whereas Megan’s had pictures all over the place.

It was painted pink with white trim, and it looked like a girl’s room. Mine, on the other hand, looked like something that was just thrown together, which in a sense it was exactly that. As I looked at Megan’s room, I started coming up with ideas for my own. I was part of this family now and I was here to stay, so why not make the room my own?

Megan looked over at me. “What’s on your mind, Sis?”

“I was thinking how different your room is compared to mine. Do you think Mom and Dad would let me remodel it, Megan?”

“What do you have in mind, Jessica?” asked Megan.

“Maybe changing the color to something like yours and clear out all the music equipment, then get some matching furniture.”

“I doubt that they would mind, Dad can always setup the studio in the basement anyway. We can always have everyone over and have a painting party.” Megan said smiling

“That would be fun Megan! We could order pizza and pick up some munchies...”

“Mom and Dad should be home soon, we’ll bring it up to them and make plans.” Megan said happily.

 

[-][+][-]

 

I still had a lot of homework to catch up on, as did Megan. So I returned to my room and started digging through my assignments. I had an assignment that was still due. I had been putting it off because of the nature of the report. I was supposed to write a story based on my own life, but because most of my life was fiction, at least to everyone at school, I couldn’t seem to figure out what to say without telling everyone the truth about who I really was.

The first time that I saw it I said there was no way in hell was I going to write it, even if I used the edited version it would still bring up to many bad memories. The problem was did I really want to share that kind of pain with my classmates?

I would have to leave Andrew out of the equation, but abuse is abuse. It doesn’t really matter whether you’re male or female. There was a part of me that was afraid to share my story, but as I started writing everything down, something happened and I found that it started to write itself.

As I wrote, I talked about some of my earliest memories of what it was like, growing up with the emotional turmoil that ensued as a result of my father’s drinking, and then the physical abuse that eventually followed and what it was like once I moved in with the Tanners.

I gave an edited version of what really happened.   I wanted to be as honest as possible and told the story about how lost that I had been, when I first moved in with the Tanner’s and how my life had changed since moving I moved in. It was already public knowledge when it came to the kidnapping, so I chose to be honest and told most of the details.

When I finely finished, I felt like a weight had been taken off my shoulders, but I was still unsure if I really wanted to pass it in. Most of the kids had normal live and didn’t really have the kind of childhood that I had experienced.

  Most of the stuff that I had written, I was still dealing with, and it hurt to think about, but it was honest for the most part.   The only thing missing was Andrew and his story would have to remain a secret. Some things are better left unsaid.

After I finished, I closed my binder. I had done enough homework for now, and I needed a drink. I made my way to the kitchen and opened the fridge. I reached inside to grab a can of root beer and almost knocked over Mom’s bottle of wine cooler.  

  I thought for a minute that it would be nice, I remembered my birth mother used to drink the same kind and every now and then I used to sneak a drink. I loved the taste of it. I didn’t really think much about it and opened the bottle and took a drink.

  It still tasted good I thought to myself as I swallowed down a little more then put the cover back on and placed it back into the fridge and made my way into the living room and plopped down on the couch then switched on the Television, turning it to CMT and started watching the top 10 videos.

There were only a few new songs that had been released and only one of them I really liked I would eventually pull the song up on the internet and print out the tabs for it.

As I sat on the couch, I opened my can of root beer and took a drink and thought about what I really wanted to do. Should I turn in the report or not, in the end I decided to talk to mom about it before I decided on doing anything.

 

[-][+][-]

 

As I laid down on the couch watching the music videos, I found myself starting to drift off and had falling asleep and didn’t even hear mom and dad coming inside until the sound of the door closing woke me up.

I slowly opened my eyes and looked over, “Baby, your home.” Mom said smiling

“How was your weekend honey?” Dad asked as he hung up his jacket.

“Hi Mommy, Daddy, I had a great weekend, It was a lot of fun.” I said sitting up, making room on the couch for them to sit.

“Honey, your father and I have something that we need to talk to you about.” Mom said, joining me on the couch.

“If you are going to tell me about Uncle James, I already know.” I said frowning.

“How Jessica, we only just found out ourselves.” Daddy said surprised to find out I already knew

“Amy ended up having to work, the night Uncle James died. She told me before the camping trip.”

“I didn’t know. Are you all right?” Mom asked me.

“It was a shock but to be honest, Uncle James and I were never close. I guess if the two of us were, it would have bothered me. I just tried to put it behind me and had a good time camping, I never really gave him much thought at all.” I admitted sadly.

“Amy and I did spend some time talking about that and some other stuff though, and it did help.”

“It’s good that you have someone like her, everyone needs a friend like that.” Dad said with a smile.

“There was something that I wanted to talk to the both of you about though.” I said.

“What is it honey?” Mom asked.

“It’s about a school assignment I have to do for my life skills class. We’re supposed to write about ourselves and how we became the people that we are now.” I already wrote the report but I am not sure if I should pass it in or not.”

Dad looked over at me, “I can see your problem honey.”

“That’s just it; I don’t have a past like the other kids and I can’t really tell the truth.” I said with a frown.

“Maybe your father and I should read what you have written so far,” Mom suggested.

“All right,” I said and went to my room, returned and gave it to my mom to read.

[-][+][-]

 

Mom read it aloud so that Dad wouldn’t have to read it also and when she was finished she turned to me. “I think that it’s fine but are you sure that you want to pass it in?” Mom asked.

“No, I don’t really want to pass it in, but what other choice do I have? It’s the honest truth, I don’t have a normal childhood to write about.”

“Do you have to read it aloud Jessica?” Dad asked.

“Yes, we have to read it aloud to the class, otherwise it wouldn’t be a problem.” I said, frustrated.

“Maybe we can talk to your teacher and she can let you do another assignment to make up the grade.” Dad suggested. “They know about the kidnapping, we will just tell them it’s not healthy to have you relive that trauma, again. I am sure they will understand.”

“Do you really think so, Daddy?”

“I’ll call the school in the morning and talk to the principle. I can’t guarantee anything, Jessica and you should bring the report to school in case your teacher wants to read it.” He said.

“Thanks Daddy, I said and gave him a hug.

[-][+][-]

 

Later that night Megan and I talked to Mom and Dad about doing the remodel on my room. Both of them thought it was a good idea, and we started making arrangements. The rest of the night was spent watching movies together. It was nice to be home and able to spend time with my family. As much as I loved the weekend I had spent with Scotty and my friends, it was good to be home.

 

 

Jessica’s Journey

 Sequel to Andrews Dilemma

 By, Cain129

Part 11

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis:   Jessica finally returns to school, and has to decide whether she should reveal her emotional issues. Kelly and John begin their undercover operation against Rocco.

Chapter 33

 

It was around 7:30 in the morning when my alarm went off. I slowly pulled myself into a sitting position,   reached over and turned off the alarm. “God, I am so tired,” I said to myself, and tried to pull myself together.   The dreams had returned. I had hoped that they were finally over, but I’d spent most of the night tossing and turning. I didn’t feel like I’d slept at all.

It was funny; I slept like a baby all weekend. I knew the missing component was Scotty.   Being in his arms made me feel safe, but he wasn’t here right now.

There had to be something I could do about it, besides seeing a counsellor and attending meetings, I thought to myself as I climbed out of bed.   I went to the bathroom and started running a bath.  

I looked into the mirror, at least the swelling was gone and I looked normal again.   I touched the area where all the swelling had been and it was still tender.   I started thinking about that horrible day and felt the anger that I had been buried inside me. I wanted to make him pay for what he had done, but that was impossible now. He was gone and I was still here. I was the one who would have to deal with the aftermath.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After the bathtub was full, I climbed inside. The water was a little on the hot side, but not enough to stop me. I leaned back, submerged my head under the water and just lay there like that for a while. The water felt good against my skin. I thought about heading back to school. I knew there would be questions, high school was the kind of place where rumors started and were spread around quick.

The only good thing was that it doesn’t take long before someone else does something stupid and a new rumor gets started and what happened to me is forgotten. Thinking about school also started making me think about my assignment for my life skills class. As If I don’t have enough to worry about already.  

Daddy said he would talk to my teacher, I just hoped that he work everything out. If not then I have 2 choices read it aloud or get an incomplete. Neither choice seemed very good I thought to myself and I slowly emerged from under the water.  

 

[-][+][-]

 

After my bath, I finished getting ready for school. I was running a little late by the time I finally finished my makeup and hair.   By the time I made it downstairs it was almost time to go, so I made my way into the kitchen. Mom and Megan had already finished their breakfast and Megan was just about ready to leave. I grabbed a couple of croissants off of the plate, that would have to do for now.

“Are you all right Jessica?” Mom asked looking concerned

“Yeah I’m just stressed, I barely slept last night. I really need an appointment with my shrink, Mommy. Can you call and arrange an appointment?”

  “Why don’t you have something to eat Jessica? I’ll drop you girls off at school afterward’s.” She said, looking concerned.

“It’s alright Mom, to be honest I’m not really that hungry. I’ll just grab a bite at school later.”

“Are you sure Jessica? I really don’t mind.” Mom said, frowning.

“Yeah I’m sure, to be honest I don’t think I can eat that much anyway. I’m kind of nervous about school today but a drive would be nice.”

“What are you nervous about Jessica? One day’s no different than the rest.” Megan said frowning

“It’s not so much School that is bothering me, its Life Skills, our essays are due today.” I said hoping that Megan would understand.

“Damn Jessica, I never really thought, what are you going to do?” She asked.

“Honestly I don’t know Megan; it all depends on Mr. Dempsey, Daddy said he would call and talk to him but I guess that I will find out how it went soon enough.”

  “You know Jessica it might be a good idea if you read it,” Megan suggested. “It might help someone.”

“I don’t know Megan, it is hard enough already, just trying to deal with everything that happened.”

“It’s up to you Sis, whatever you decide.” Megan said frowning

“Well girls, we better get going or you’re going to be late.” Mom said and smiled

 

[-][+][-]

 

We arrived at school 10 minutes late. Megan and I hurried to homeroom. It felt like ages since I was last in school, but it really hadn’t been that long though. I looked around, nothing had really   changed, other than the signs up for homecoming king and queen.

In the past I wouldn’t have even noticed, I really wasn’t that high on the social order a year ago back then I was a social outcast and pretty much invisible to everyone with the exception of a few bullies who took offense to my continued existence.

To be honest though there were times that I missed the seclusion. At least I knew where I stood with people, being popular it’s hard to tell who your real friends are.

 

Chapter 34

 

It was around 9am when Kelly arrived at the safe house that her father had setup for her and John to work out of. Inside was everything that the two of them would need, though the house was really run down and located in one of the worst areas of town. Mason had chosen it for just this reason. John was to play an abusive, out of work alcoholic father, so it made sense that their living conditions were extremely poor.

At the moment Kelly had the place to herself, the first place she checked was the bedroom of the one bedroom apartment. Inside were a single bed and a dresser. Kelly opened one of the dresser drawers and found that a supply of clothing was ready for use; then she checked the closet, there were more clothing inside.

Most of the stuff looked like it had been bought at the Salvation Army, or some other place that dealt in used clothing, Kelly thought to herself. Her father had really been busy.

Kelly decided that she should get into character and closed the door. She changed into something more appropriate and a few minutes later came out dressed in her new clothing. She now looked more like a teenage girl then a grown woman.

 

[-][+][-]

 

She then went over to the computer that Mason had left for their use and logged in. Once she was online, she pulled up the OPP website and started pulling up information about Rocco and his organization. There was a long list of people that had worked for the organization, but beside a good percentage was the words deceased.

The biggest problem was determining which names were actually members of Rocco new regime, and which ones were being targeted.   There were too many names on the list, and the only ones that definitely weren’t part of Rocco’s regime were dead.

Then there was another problem. Since Rocco had taken over, not one of the names on the list had been arrested for anything. Which leaves one question, how does a crime family like Rocco’s not have any of its members being arrested?   Before Rocco took over, there were plenty of arrests, mostly for relatively minor crimes like selling drugs or prostitution.

Kelly thought to herself, “What’s Rocco up to?”

A half hour passed as Kelly settled into what would be her new home, at least for the time being. She was about to put on a pot of coffee, when she heard the door to the apartment opening. She reached into her purse to retrieve her weapon. The area she was living in was known to be a high crime zone, so she was a little on guard. As the door opened, she saw that it was John, but he wasn’t the man that she’d met the other day with her father.

This man looked like he hadn’t shaved in days, which really made her wonder if it was real or fake. His clothes were dirty, and had what looked like cigarettes burns all over. The smell that came off of him made her think that they had been washed in a case of beer. Something told Kelly that he took his job way to seriously.

“Good morning,” he said with a smile and closed the door behind him.

“It wouldn’t have been if I hadn’t recognized you, John.” Kelly said putting her gun away. “Dammit John, you really stink! Aren’t you taking things a little too far?” Kelly asked as she went over and opened a window.

“Not really Kelly the key to uncover work is believability. If I go out looking and smelling like this, people will believe what they see. It will also make them less suspicious of you.” John said grinning.

“So when do we make our move?” Kelly asked John.

“First we need to establish your cover, Kelly.”

“And how are we supposed to do that?”

“First we need to be seen together, and I need to put on a show for Adrian.”

John looked at his watch. “If your father’s information is correct Adrian should be at The Coffee house. If we leave now, there’s a good chance that we can catch him,” John said, and handed Kelly the car keys.

“You want me to drive, John?” Kelly asked, frowning.

“Yeah, if we get pulled over, they’re going to hit me with a sobriety test, though it might be fun, seeing the look on their faces when the breathalyzer shows as normal.” John said laughing.

”I would love to see that, but you’re right, the last thing we need is to be delayed, no matter how funny it would be.” Kelly said, giggling.

 

[-][+][-]

 

The morning seemed to be going by at a snail’s pace, I was hoping that I could’ve seen Scotty before class, but I was running late. My first class was American history, which really didn’t make much sense at all considering I’m Canadian and can’t really see myself needing to know that James Madison was the 4^th President of the United States, but that’s what you get when your school buys their books wholesale from a company in the United States.

Math class turned out to be a little more exciting. Scotty was there, and it brought back wonderful memories of our weekend away. Unfortunately, I didn’t hear a word that the teacher said for most of the class. I guess things could have been worse, the teacher could have called me up to do a math equation.

I did have a chance to catch up with a few of my friends in-between classes. Most had heard what had happened at my dad’s funeral. They were concerned with how I was doing, but didn’t really push very hard for answers. I was grateful; I really didn’t want to go there, at least not at the moment anyway.

My next class at least was something that I enjoyed. Even as a boy it was one of my favorite subjects. Our Science teacher, Mr. Adams, always seemed to find a way to make it fun, and he seemed to take an interest in every one of his students. This was the first time that I had seen him since my return. It had been a couple of weeks since my last class with him, and as I entered the class room he came over.

“Hey kiddo, how are you doing?” He asked with a smile.

“I’m doing better, it’s just nice to be back.”

“It nice to have you back Jessica. See me after class, and I’ll give you a few assignments so you can make up the time you missed.”

“Alright Mr. Adams,” I said, then took my seat.

 

[-][+][-]

 

A few minutes later Britney and Natasha came into the class room and before I knew what was happening, the two of them came running over to me. “Jessica you’re back!” Both of them squealed and started hugging me.

I had to admit that I had missed both of them equally, as I found myself returning their hugs. “God, it’s nice to see both of you,” I said with a big smile.

“How are you doing, you look great.” Natasha said, excitedly.

“Yeah, you do, I thought you would still be all beat up,” Britney said with a smile.

“I’m doing well and I guess I’m a fast healer. So how have you guys been?”

“We’re doing good! Have you noticed that both of us have been nominated for homecoming queen?” Natasha said with a smile

“Sorry, I haven’t really had a chance to catch up on all the news yet. This does present a problem, which one of my friends do I vote for?” I said, frowning. “Mmm…I guess I won’t be voting for either of you.”

“It’s alright, we’re both big girls, we can handle it.” Natasha said then winked.

I started giggling, “Nice try Natasha.”

Our conversation was cut short, as Mr. Adam started handing out assignments.

 

Chapter 35

 

After Kelly and John arrived at The Coffee House, they made their way inside, well at least Kelly did, John on the other hand was busy staggering around and tripping over his own feet. We barely made it inside the door before he fell over and hit the floor.

“Daddy, are you alright?” I said, starting to feel embarrassed from the looks that people were giving us.

“Yes, now stop standing there looking stupid, and help me up.” He said sounding really bitter.

Kelly reached down and tried to help him up, but he barely moved. It was like dead weight.

“Dammit girl, can’t you do anything right?” He said, angrily.

“Sorry Daddy, I’m trying.” Kelly sadly said.

“You’re fucking useless Tessa, I shouldn’t have to put up with your shit! Now get me a fucking coffee.” He said, loud enough for everyone to hear.

“Yes daddy,” I said and started to walking towards the counter, just as the manager arrived.

“I am afraid I have to ask you to leave.” The manager said to my father.

“I’ll leave once I’ve got my coffee.” John said, sounding angry.

“No, you’ll leave now, before I call the police.” The manager said firmly.

“By the time the police get here, you’ll need an ambulance.” John said in anger.

“Daddy please, it’s not worth spending another day in jail. I’ll get your coffee, just wait outside.”

‘God damn, freaking-” John mumbled as he turn around and staggered out the door.

The manager turned to me. “Is your father always like that?”

“No, this is one of his good days. Most of the time I have to bail him out.” I admitted sadly.

“I feel for you,” the manager said. He turned to the lady behind the counter. “It’s on the house,” he told her, than went back to his office.

After the lady handed me the coffee, I made my way out of the coffee shop. I noticed that in the corner of the shop,   Adrian was sitting with a woman that looked to be in her 40’s. As I left, our eyes locked on one another for just a few seconds and I am sure that he could see the sadness that I was portraying within my teary eyes.

  As the two of us walked off John was cursing and swearing, until the two of us drove off and I thought to myself, what have I gotten myself into?

 

[-][+][-]

 

Meanwhile downtown at city hall, Robert Zemeckis is holding a press conference announcing that he will be running for the Mayor.

“Hello everyone, my name is Robert Zemeckis, and I am announcing my intent to run for Mayor. My record speaks for itself I have been working for the last 15 years on behalf of the people who elected me and feel that I can better serve them as the new mayor.”

“My name is Steve Palmer with the Ottawa Sun,” a reporter called out. “We recieved a package from an unknown source that states that you were receiving bribes from Vincent Campanelli. Within the package was a video tape that will be released later today. On the tape is evidence that show shows you having sex with minors. Do you have any comment Mr. Zemeckis?”

Robert Zemeckis turned white. He started sweating so badly that it was running down his face and starting to soak his collar. He realized that his life was over, and he would serve multiple sentences.   It was at that moment that there were loud gunshots that seemed to come from multiple locations, and a bullet hit Robert Zemeckis in the head, killing him instantly.

The gunshots caused everyone to run for cover but there was only one target, and the shooter was already making a run for it.

A few minutes later, as Rocco is sitting in his office, his phone went off. He looked at the number, then answered it. “Tell me you have good news.” Rocco said.

 “It’s taken care of, nothing will lead them back to us.” Adrian said.

“Are we ready to go after Josh Richards?” Rocco asked.

“Everything is in place, all I have to do is give the signal.”

“Good, don’t make a move until you have Richards in your sights. I want that bastard dead and buried.” Rocco said loudly, and then ended the call.

 

[-][+][-]

 

It was finally lunch time at school, so Natasha, Britney and I made our way to the cafeteria. It had been awhile since I had been there, but found my seat right next to Scotty, who met me with a kiss.

Megan and Jennifer were the next to show, followed by Brian and Glen who were happy to see that I’d finally returned. I was met with lots of hugs. Steve showed up a little later and joined us, as did a few others.

I was happy, now that I had a chance to see all my friends. It’s funny, Andrew had no real friends to speak of, and almost 4 months later here I am as a girl surrounded by friends. Deep down I couldn’t have changed that much.

Why was Andrew such a loner and Jessica a social butterfly? All I know is I am happy that things had changed but sometimes I wonder why I had such a hard time connecting to other people when I was living as a boy.

“How was your morning, honey?” Scotty asked as he slipped his arm around me.

“It’s going alright; it’s nice to be back, though I have a lot of homework to catch up on.”

“You’re welcome to borrow my notes, if that will help.” Natasha said.

“You can use mine too, we’re in a few of the same classes. I will get them for you after cheerleading practice.” Britney said with a smile.

“Same here, Jessica.” Natasha said then took a bite of her sandwich

”Thanks guys, that will help a lot.” I said smiling. I turned to Scotty, “Scotty, can you give me a drive home after cheerleading practice?”

“Sure honey, I have football practice anyway. Just meet me out front. I have to work later, so I am going to hit the showers and get changed first.” Scotty said as he patted my behind.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After lunch everyone headed off to whatever classes they were assigned. Jennifer, Britney and I had the next class together. Unfortunately it was our Life Skills class, and the closer that I got to the classroom, the more anxious I became.

“What’s wrong, Jessica?” Jennifer asked. She was able to read me like a book.

“I am just nervous, I don’t really want to do this report.” I said, frowning.

“It’s not going to be that bad,” Britney said, trying to be supportive.

“Jessica has been through a lot lately Britney, and most of it is painful. She shouldn’t have to do this essay, it would be like reliving a nightmare all over again.” Jennifer said sadly.

“Sorry Jessica, I wasn’t thinking. Sometimes you don’t really think other people have had it harder then you have.” Britney said, then reached over and gave me a hug.

  [-][+][-]

 

After arriving in our classroom, my teacher came over and pulled me aside. “I had a call from your father this morning concerning the essay that was assigned. Did you bring it with you?”

“Yeah, I have it here Mr. Dempsey.” I said, and then handed it to him.

“Jessica, your father told me about everything that had happened and I am sorry that you went through all that. From everything your father told me, I think that it would be good for the other students to hear your story. I’m not going to force you to read it Jessica, but is holding everything inside really doing you any good?” Mr. Dempsey asked.

I thought about what he had to say. Yes, I was scared, what would the others think of me? Would they treat me differently then they do now? I looked at Mr. Dempsey, unsure if I was doing the right thing or not. Finally I made my decision. “I’ll do it, Mr. Dempsey.”

“I’m proud of you, Jessica. I know this is not going to be easy for you, but people need to hear what you have to say. I will be choosing you to read first, take as long as you need. Anyone we don’t get to today, we’ll get to tomorrow.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

After class started and everyone was seated, Mr. Dempsey stood up and stood in front of his desk facing the class. “First of all, I would thank everyone for taking the time to do your assignment. For most of you it was pretty easy to write, but not for one of our students. Because of her past and recent events that have been taking place in her life, I gave her the choice and she chose to share her story with all of us. Jessica, would you mind coming up?” Mr. Dempsey asked.

“Thanks, Mr. Dempsey.” I said, then stood up and made my way to the front of the class room.

“This is not going to be easy for me, so please be patient with me.” I said, nervously.

“What makes this essay hard was that I never really had a normal childhood. I came from an abusive home, and experienced mental and physical abuse from both of my parents.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

“I can’t really explain all the reasons behind the abuse, but let’s just say I wasn’t the child that my father wanted. He wanted a boy that could be everything that he wasn’t, and instead he ended up with a daughter that he didn’t understand, nor want.

At first things were not bad, the three of us were a family. My father at least tried to make an effort, and there were some good times. Like every little girl, I loved my Daddy, but over time he stared to change. At the time I was too young to understand exactly what was happening.

My father was in the early stages of alcoholism, and at first the abuse was only mental.   When he would drink, you never knew back then what kind of mood he was going to be in. One minute he was happy and really loving towards me, and then few minutes later his mood would change, and he became very hateful and verbally abusive toward me or my mother.

As his drinking became worse, his mood changed more, and he became more abusive towards me.   He used to call me useless and good for nothing, and on more than one occasion said that that he wished that I was never born.

During this time felt completely alone and had nobody to turn to. I tried talking to my mother, but she had her own problems and wouldn’t stand up to my father. I used to hate both of them for the way that they treated me, and as the days went on I felt more and more alone.

Before long my father took the abuse to the next level, and the beatings started. He used to say that it was for my own good, and I deserved it.   Part of me started to believe that he was right. I tried my best to make him happy, all I wanted was for him to love me again, but the more I tried the worse things became. At that time I had no friends, and to be honest even if I did, it wouldn’t have been safe to take them home, Dad’s moods could turn violent within a matter of minutes.

 

I remember thinking about ending my life more than once. I was just so tired and wanted to be at peace. Those thoughts followed me for years, until one day I tried to take my own life. I just couldn’t handle the pain anymore. Needless to say I was found, and I ended up in the hospital. Because of all the bruises the doctor found, the police were brought in and charges were laid against both of my parents.

After being released from the hospital, I went to live with Megan and her parents, who later adopted me. During this time my father disappeared. He eventually reappeared and that was when I was kidnapped. He thought that he could scare me into telling the police that the abuse never happened. In the end he chose to fight it out with the police and he was shot. He died in my arms.

My family still blames me for his death, except for my birth mother. As a result of everything that happened, she is in treatment and seems to be doing better. I eventually came to forgive her but I will never be able to forget what happened, and I don’t see a mother and daughter relationship anytime in the future between the two of us.

Anyway, that’s my story. I have no idea if telling my story helped anyone, but I was scared to death to open up and share it. I think it did me some good to finally get it out in the open.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

After I finished, everyone start clapping. Many of my classmates came over and hugged me and also thanked me. The rest of the class went by quickly and a few asked me questions but nothing that I couldn’t answer, even though reading the essay had left me emotionally drained. The rest of the day kind of went by in a haze of activity.

 

 

 

The End of Part 11

To be continued in part 12

Jessica’s Journey

 Sequel to Andrews Dilemma

 By, Cain129

Part 12

Special Thanks to Wren Phoenix for the editing.

Synopsis:   Jessica had been stressed out for the last couple of days, mostly over a project that she needed to do for school called, “Who am I?” In the end, Megan and her teacher talked her into reading her essay aloud. It had been a hard thing for her to do and left her feeling emotionally drained. Surprisingly, it made her feel better, even though she’d kept her previous life as Andrew out of the report and wrote it from Jessica’s point of view.

 

After my life skills class I found myself emotionally exhausted, and the rest of the period went by in a haze.   I was approached by many of the kids in my class that I’d never really had a chance to know.   Britney and Megan could see that I was getting pretty close to breaking down, and they started running interference for me. Mr. Dempsey wrote a note for the three of us, so that we wouldn’t get into any trouble for being late for next class.

“You did really well Jessica, I know that it was hard, but I think you should be proud of yourself. It’s not easy talking to others about yourself, and it’s even harder for someone like yourself, when you’ve spent most of your life holding everything inside.” Mr. Dempsey said with a smile.

“Thanks Mr. Dempsey, I think that I will be alright now.” I said then stood up and the three of us made our way out of the classroom.

As we started walking to our Social Studies class, Britney turned to me. “I never knew that things were that bad Jessica. I just assumed you had always been this way,” she said, frowning.

“I had lots of help once I moved in with the Tanners. The only people that knew the whole truth were my new family, Jennifer and Scotty.  

Most of the friends that I have now are because of Megan and Jennifer. They introduced me, but I still had to do the work.” I said, smiling.

Megan looked over at Britney. “I guess we just assume that people are all the same. I never gave it a second thought about what it would be like for Jessica, and I knew what she had been though more than anyone,” she admitted with sadness.

“It’s alright, Megan. That was then, and this is now. I prefer the life I have now,” I said as the three of us reached our next class. Once inside, I passed Mrs. Jones the note that Mr. Dempsey had written, and the three of us took our seats.

 

  [-][+][-]

 

Time seemed to fly by and classes were done for the day. Britney, Jennifer and I had cheerleading practice together and we made the walk together. Along the way, the three of us kept running into some of our classmates that were in our life skills class. Some of them were kids I’d never really talked to, not because I was stuck up or anything like that.

School was setup into little cliques of people that were considered cool, norms, nerds and finally the outcasts, which was the category that Andrew had best fit. These groups barely bothered with one another unless there was really no choice in the matter.   Because of the group I hung out with I would imagine that some people were scared to get close. The people that I hung out with were good people, but there were others that fell into this category that weren’t. The last thing anyone wants is to become a target, but here I was and these people started crossing the invisible lines to thank me.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Adrian had arrived at the warehouse, and made his way to his Second lieutenant.

“Are we ready?” Adrian asked as he ducked down out of sight.

“Just about, we’re still waiting for Josh Richards to arrive, but everyone is in place.”

“Have you sent anyone over to see if the kids are in the warehouse?” Adrian asked, frowning.

“The kids are there, and I have a team waiting to extract them once they get the signal.”

“Good, I want to make our move as soon as Richards arrives. Just make sure when we take him out that none of the kids are present.” Adrian ordered.

“Don’t worry, I have a sniper waiting. Once Richards is in his sights , he’s a dead man.”

“Make sure the cleaning crew is ready. It has to look like it was done by rivals.” Adrian said firmly.

“Don’t worry Adrian; there will be nothing to lead them back to us.”

“Good. I’ll leave things in your capable hands. Call me once it’s done.” Adrian said, and made his way back to his car.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Half an hour later, a car pulled up in front of the warehouse. A man exits and makes his way to the front of the building, He walks towards the front door and reaches to unlock it. Just as he unlocks the door, a bullet hits him in the back of the head, causing blood to splatter everywhere.  

At that moment the signal is giving and the power to the building is cut, making it almost impossible for those inside to see.

Rocco’s men begin making their way into the building wearing night vision goggles and start taking out everyone that they find inside the building.

At the same time a team is sent inside to free the kids and then moves them to three vans that were waiting outside. Once the kids were safely inside they drove off to the safe house that Rocco had arranged.

 

[-][+][-]

 

A few minutes later Adrian receives a call and hits the answer button, “Hello, how did it go?”

“Everything went as planned. We only had one person injured, and the cleanup crew is already inside doing a sweep for cameras, but so far we’ve found nothing.”

“Alright, I’ll inform Rocco, and good work.” Adrian said, ending the call.

 

[-][+][-]

 

A few minutes later, Rocco was sitting in the office watching the news channel. They had been playing the footage of the dirty Politian most of the day. Nobody had any leads to who had killed Robert Zemeckis.

The police were busy because all the witnesses heard shots coming from different directions. Rocco smiled to himself. Maybe this is going to work, he thought to himself, as his phone started ringing. He reached over and saw that it was Adrian calling, so he hit the answer button.

  “Hello Adrian, how did it go?” Rocco asked.

“Just like we planned. We did have a minor injury, but he’s being patched up as we speak, and the cleanup crew is already at work.” Adrian said.

“What about the kids?” Rocco asked with concern.

“The kids are on their way to the safe house. As to their condition, God knows. They could have been with those perverts for weeks, maybe longer.” Adrian said sadly.

“I need you to do me a favor, Adrian.” Rocco said to his friend.

“Anything for you boss.” Adrian said

“I need you to recruit some doctors to help these kids.” Rocco said.

“Alright Rocco, I’ll see what I can do and get back to you.”

“Adrian, I don’t know how much time we have to get everything done. We’re going to have to start working faster. I need everyone on that list taken care of, and I want it done within the next couple of months.” Rocco said. He sounded worried.

“I’ll see to it personally, Rocco. You should get some rest, when was the last time you had a decent night’s sleep?” Adrian said, sounding concerned for his friend.

“It’s been awhile, but once this is done, I’ll have plenty of time to sleep,” Rocco said. He ended the call, then walked over to the bar and poured himself a drink.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Kelly and John had just arrived at their apartment. Kelly figured that there was no reason for John to still be in character, but he was still staggering around and mumbling obscenities, at least until the two of them were safely inside their apartment and the door was locked behind them. Once safely inside, John started acting normal.

“God, I could use a drink right now,” he said and smiled.

Kelly on the other hand broke down into a fit of giggles,

“I think that you’ve had way too much to drink already John! I still can’t believe the look on the manager’s face when you said he would need an ambulance. I was sure you were going to take a swing at him.”

“I thought about it, though I would have missed, but I didn’t want to risk getting arrested, at least not yet. Once your father has everything in place and we know that our people are there to make the arrest, then it will be time for something like that.” John opened the fridge and grabbed a beer, “Relax Kelly, we’re done for the day.”

“You might be done, but I have a meeting tonight.” Kelly grabbed a coke out of the fridge and plopped down on the couch next to John.

“Alright Kiddo, what’s your plan?” John asked.

“I was just thinking of showing up and maybe talking to a few people,” she said.

“That’ll work, but I think we make it a little more believable.” John said, then took a drink of his beer.

“What do you have in mind?” Kelly asked, almost afraid of the answer

“The women at that meeting are abuse survivors, Kelly. If you’re going to win their trust, you need to look the part. Unfortunately, most of them know all the little tricks to use when hiding abuse. If you really want to get into their heads, then you need to not only look the part, but mentally become the person you are portraying.  

This isn’t going to be easy, Kelly. I can make you look the part, but what you need to do is find whatever is most painful in your life, then find a way to use that pain to your advantage. If you can do that, then you won’t have any problems making people see whatever you want them to believe.” John said sadly.

“You know that both of my parents were murdered John?” Kelly said, as her tears started forming.

“Yes Hon, I know. Your father told me. I know this is going to be hard, but if you can tap into those memories you shouldn’t have a problem. Find someone to model yourself after, just remember the person that you choose should be about the same age.” John said frowning.

“What about School, is everything ready?” Kelly asked, then took a drink of her coke.

“Yeah, all you have to do is show up at the office, and they should have your class load ready.” John said as he put his feet up on the coffee table.

Kelly just shook her head, “I feel sorry for Beth, did you ever warn the poor woman what she was getting into when you married her?”

“Beth is one in a million. How I ended up with a woman like her, I really have no idea.” John said, smiling.

“Maybe the poor woman is just a glutton for punishment.” Kelly said giggling

 

 

It was my first day back, it didn’t take me long to realized that I was completely lost, all the other girls were practicing their different routines and the only thing I was able to do with the others girls was Aerobics and discovered I could actually do it provided I on every move but unlike the others I was a complete amateur. Which made me think why was I even here.   It wasn’t like I was going to be of any use to the team at least this year anyway.

When I agreed to join cheerleading there was at least a chance of me to join my friends on the field but too much time had passed now.

“Mrs. Jennings, can I talk to you for a minute?” Jessica said taking a seat next to her.

“Sure Jessica, what’s on your mind?”

“When I joined the team there was a chance I was going to be able to cheer with my friends, but I think we both know it’s already too late in the year for me to be of any use.” I said sadly.

“I’m not going to lie to you Jessica, you’re right. I really can’t see you spending much time on the field at least not this year.”

“At the moment I think that there are other things that I need to be doing a lot has happened and to be honest, I feel that I should be spending more time working on myself then cheerlead but I would like to try out again next year if would have me though.”

“I understand Jessica and we would love to have you back next year.” Mrs. Jennings said sadly

 

[-][+][-]

 

I could have stayed till the end of practice but didn’t really feel like staying and made my way back to the dressing room and had a quick shower and got dressed, part of me felt like I was letting everyone down but I knew deep down I need more than cheerleading could give me.

As I was walking towards the exit I noticed that the boys and girls club had posted a flyer on the schools bulletin board. They were going to be offering an introductory course in self-defence techniques. I thought to myself, what good is an introduction, when what I needed was the whole freaking course.

I had never been there before but decided that I wasn’t that far a walk and sent Scotty a text message letting him know that he could pick me up there after his practice was over.

It wasn’t a long walk to the boys and girls club, so I just took my time. I finally found the building and made my way inside. I looked around, and there were kids of all ages playing and hanging out. I walked over to the reception desk. There was no one there, but a sign indicated a small bell, and it said to ring for assistance. I thought it was doubtful that anyone could hear it over the all the noise.

After looking around, I found the gym. I looked inside the window, and there was no one there except an older man who looked to be around 50 years old. When I walked through the doors and looked around, he turned and saw me.

“Sorry classes are cancelled for today,   you are the only one who showed up.” He seemed frustrated.

I looked over at him. “That’s all right, I doubt it would have helped anyway.” I   sadly said as I started to turn around and leave.

“Are you alright?” the man asked me, looking concerned.

“Not really, I have every reason in the world that I should be happy, but I’m not. I feel like everything is going to fall apart, and nothing makes any sense.” I said sadly

The man came closer and looked me in the eyes. The older Japanese man looked to be in pretty good shape. He looked closely at my face.

“Who did that to you?” He asked, referring to the light bruising I still had on my face, which I had thought wasn’t all the visible anymore.

I looked at him. “It’s not important anymore, he’s dead now.”

He took a seat on the bleacher. “My name is Lu Chong. What are you hoping to get out of this course?”

“It’s nice to meet you Mr. Shu, I’m Jessica. To be honest, sir, I’m not sure. I guess that I just wanted to feel better.” I said.

“I don’t think this will help you, child. You’re full of anger, and have the look of a caged animal. All the training in the world isn’t going to help you feel better about yourself, until you find a way to deal with the anger that you carry inside of you.”

“You’re right. I’m angry, but I’m trying to work through all the abuse. I don’t know, I guess I’m tired of being afraid all the time, and needing other people to protect me.”   I was very frustrated. I barely understood it myself, but I did my best to explain it to him.

He looked at me, “If I took you on as a student, Jessica, will you do as you’re told without questioning my methods?”

“Yes Mr. Lu Chong, I promise.”

“I will warn you now, it won’t be easy, and there will be times you’ll feel like walking away.”

“How much will this cost me?” I asked him.

“This is not about money, child. You can pay me by helping out at the dojo. I will expect you there every day after school; if you can’t make it, you will call and let me know.” He said firmly.

“There will be some days that I will be unable to make it, I am still under a doctor’s care and can’t miss those sessions, but I will let you know when I am unable to make it.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

Mr. Lu Chong and I talked for another 10 minutes, and after getting his address and phone number, the two of us went our separate ways. I was going to be having my first class with him on Wednesday. I really wasn’t sure what the training would involve, but I had a good feeling about it, and I knew that I would know soon enough.

I spent the next half hour exploring all the services the club offered, and noticed that they even had a weekly jam session for anyone that was interest in just getting together and playing music, it was held on Thursday nights at 7 pm. I thought it might be fun to check out, maybe it would be something Scotty would be interested in too.

I headed outside to wait for Scotty. As I waited, I started getting a bunch of text message from Britney, Natasha, Jennifer and Megan. All of them wanted to know why I left and where I was. I just sent a group reply explaining what Mrs. Jennings and I discussed and that I decided that there were other things that were more important to me at the moment.

I felt bad for leaving but sometimes you have to follow your heart and mine was telling me that I needed more than cheerleading could provide. I would miss the trips together and all, but something told me I now had other things to occupy my time.

I waited for about 15 minutes before Scotty arrived. “Why did you leave?” He asked. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, I’m alright now. I had to read my essay in life skills today, and it kind of opened a few doors that I wasn’t ready to deal with.” I explained to him.

“Is that why you quit cheerleading?” Scotty asked, concerned.

“That’s part of the reason, but the truth is, there really isn’t a place for me on the team right now. There will be next year, but there’s really no reason for me to be there at the moment, and I don’t feel like sitting on the sidelines for the rest of the year. I can see you play just as well from the bleachers.”

“You should have stayed Jessica, you didn’t even give it a chance.” Scotty said sadly.

“Scotty it’s not what I want. I know that you’re disappointed, but I have to follow my heart.”

“It’s just, all the things we could have done together, Jessica. The team is getting ready to go to the finals, and I was counting on you being there.” Scotty said sadly

“I’m sorry Scotty. I love you, but I have to think about myself right now. If you can’t respect that, then maybe the two of us should take a break.”

“Jessica I don’t understand, why are you acting like this? Did I do something to hurt you?”

“Scotty, this has nothing to do with you. It’s me, and the person that I want to become. I need to stand on my own two feet, and until now I’ve had everyone protecting me.”

“I have stood by you through everything, and you say we should take a break? We’re not taking a break. I have to get to work, but the two of us are not done talking about this, Jessica.” Scotty said angrily.

“I love you, Scotty. I know you’ve been there for me, but right now we’re both moving in different directions, and I can’t be that person anymore.   All of my life I’ve done what everyone expected of me, my birth parents, the Tanner’s and my friends. “

“In all that time, I put everyone else’s needs ahead of my own,   because that was the only way I knew to make people love me. The only real thing that I ever did for my own needs was trying to take my own life and that was because I couldn’t keep living like that anymore. “

“Believe me,   I don’t want to lose you, but if that’s what it takes for me to move forward, then so be it.” I said, and I climbed out of his car and started walking away.

“Jessica come back, don’t leave like this.” Scotty said as I ran off, crying.

 

 

End of part 12

To be continued in part 13

Jessica’s Journey

 Sequel to Andrews Dilemma

 By, Cain129

Part 13

Synopsis:   After reading her essay, Jessica felt emotionally exhausted, reading it had been helpful to a small extent but had also opened old wounds. It forced her to re-evaluate her life and the direction that it was headed. All of her life, she had put everyone’s happiness before her own and it had almost cost her her life. She no longer had that luxury. She needed to find a way to stand on her own two feet. She just didn’t want to be afraid anymore, but in doing so, she might have lost the man that she loved.

 

 

Those words coming from Scotty hurt worse than anything I had ever experienced before. I thought that he loved me, was I just being stupid? I was unable to stop crying, so with shaking hands I reached into my purse and found my cellphone. I called home, but there was no answer. As I started walking, I thought nothing could make this day worse. Not even a few minutes later, it started pouring down. Within minutes I was completely soaked.

God Dammit, I said to myself as I continued walking. Luckily I wasn’t very far from home, but the distance really didn’t matter anymore, considering I was already soaked to the bone. As I walked home, my emotions were running wild. If it hadn’t been for the rain, I’m sure that everyone could have seen that I‘d been crying most of the walk home.

I didn’t want to end things with Scotty. I knew that I had to stand firm, it was the only way for me to really find myself. My life wasn’t all that bad. I had everything a girl would want, except the one thing that matter most: self-respect. I’d been beaten so badly over the years, and the emotional scars were sitting just under the surface, waiting for a chance to push me over that invisible line. If that happened I knew that there might be no more second chances.

I used to think that being a girl would solve all of my problems, and I would finally be happy, but that wasn’t the case. Sure, my mind and body finally matched, and I felt like a real human being. Still, no matter how hard I tried to bury the pain, it found ways to make it back up to the surface.

  I couldn’t even get a decent night’s sleep without Scotty at my side and the nightmare just kept coming back. In them I was helpless and always the victim and could do nothing to fight back.

When I would finely wake up I was soaking wet from sweat, I just wanted to have a decent night’s sleep without depending on others to make me feel protect. I should never have done that report, that was just another thing I did to please others and once again it was at my own expense.

I felt like the preverbal bug lying on the ground just waiting for someone to come along and stomped on me. Once again I listened to Jennifer and my teacher and caved in knowing full well that reading it would end up rehashing old wounds.

Why couldn’t I have just said no, instead of caving it once again!   I put others needs ahead of my own, now look at me I am an emotional basketcase.

I really wasn’t in a good place emotionally and didn’t really know what I wanted to do, was I even strong enough to deal with all the pain I had inside me, I knew that either way I would soon find out. I knew one thing though if I was going to heal it meant that I would have to do things I didn’t really want to do.

 

[-][+][-]

 

By the time I arrived home, I was a complete mess and to made matters worse, I couldn’t stop shaking. As I tried to get my keys out of my purse and open the door, I kept dropping them and I could feel the anger building up inside me once again.

Eventually I managed to get the key inside of the lock and opened the door.   At the moment I was the only one home, and I headed straight to my room. I started undressing quickly, my clothes were soaked right down to my bra and panties.

  After I dried off and changed into some warm clothes, I headed to the kitchen to grab a can of coke. I opened the door and saw Mom’s wine cooler in the fridge. I said fuck it, and poured myself a glass and also grabbed a can of coke, then headed back to my room closing and locking the door behind me.

I just wanted to stop feeling anything, at least for a while I thought, as I opened my bottle of nerve pills and downed 2 of them with the wine cooler. I went over and lay down on my bed, so angry at myself and everyone else. I wondered if this was how my birth mother felt, as I downed the wine cooler.

  It didn’t take long before the results of mixing my pills with the wine took effect, and I started to calm down.   Before long I was in a deep sleep.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After he arrived at work, Scotty felt terrible. He had never really been in love before. Everything was perfect between the two of them just a few days ago. He just couldn’t understand what was going on, and why she would want to walk away from what the two of them shared.

None of it made any sense at all. Sure, a lot had happened in the past few months to her, but she was dealing with it, wasn’t she?   Scotty didn’t know what to think anymore.   What scared him the most was if he gave her the space she needed, would she still want him?

Maybe he was being a jerk, but he didn’t want to risk losing her to someone else, he just wondered why things had to change.

“Scotty, get your head out of your ass and get back to work!”   His manager, Mike, told him. He noticed that something wasn’t right with Scotty.

“Sorry Mike,” Scotty said, and he grabbed a broom and started sweeping.

“Let me guess, woman troubles?” Mike said with a smile.

“Lots of trouble, but yeah, women are on the top of the list,” Scotty said sadly.

“Mike, has a woman ever said she wants to take a break with you?” Scotty said, frowning.

“Nope, but usually if they do it’s a bad sign,” Mike said looking over at Scotty.

“That’s what I’ve been thinking. My girlfriend has been though a lot lately, and today she says that she needs space to work through things. When I disagreed, she said we should take a break. Women, I can’t figure them out.” Scotty said in frustration.

“Welcome to the real world Scotty. Let me tell you something, as far as women go, you’ll never understand, they’re devious creatures.” Mike said with a smile.

“Give her some space, let her think things out, then call her Scotty. Just don’t wait too long, otherwise someone else is likely to make a move first.” Mike said with a smile, “Now get back to work, ya lazy good for nothin’,” he said, laughing.

 

[-][+][-]

 

 

Meanwhile back at the Tanner’s, Jessica is awakened by banging on her door. “Dammit, what?” she screamed at the door.

“Jessica it’s me, can I come in?” Megan asked, sounding worried.

“No, I want to be alone,” I said sadly.

“Please Jessica, let me inside. I’m worried about you.” Megan said, with worry in her voice.

“Alright,” I said, and went over and unlocked the door. “There, it’s open.” I said and returned to my bed.

Megan came inside and took a seat on the bed next to me. “What’s going on Jessica?” Megan asked.

“What are you referring to? Quitting Cheerleading, breaking up with Scotty, or just being sick and tired of everything?” I said sarcastically.

“Jessica, it’s not that bad. You just need to calm down.” Megan said frowning.

I looked at her. “Why don’t you try walking in my shoes for a few days, before telling me I need to calm down. You don’t understand things that I am going though-none of you do.”

“Try getting 2 hours sleep a night, and see how it affects you. I’d gladly give you my nightmares if I could but I’m afraid you’ll have to find your own, because mine never leave! My life freaking sucks, Megan.” i   said, full of rage

“Jessica, I know you have been through a lot, but destroying everything that you worked so hard to get makes no sense. Yes, I can understand cheerleading, but why would you break up with Scotty? It just doesn’t seem to make sense, Jessica.” Megan said frustrated

“Megan, I’m capable of make choices for myself, and just because they don’t seem right to others doesn’t mean that I’m making a mistake. “

“Scotty blew up at me because I quit cheerleading. He’s mad because I chose to do something for myself, rather than remain a cheerleader so I could be there for him at the games. I understand that he wants me there to support him, but the truth is I need to start working on myself. That means seeing my therapist and attending meetings and doing things that will make me feel better about myself.“

“People think that all of my problems were solved, just because I got my wish and became a woman. My problems aren’t gone, Megan. There are times when I look in the mirror that I hate the person looking back at me, and then all those years of abuse and being kidnapped? None of this stuff is going to just go away because I wish that it would.

“The only way things like this go away is if you stop running and fight. That’s what I am trying to do. If people can’t understand that than that’s their problem.” I said looking over at Megan.

“Jessica, I’m only trying to help, you’re my sister and I love you.”

“I know Megan, and if there were a way you could help I would let you, but this is something I need to do for myself. I hope you can understand that.”

“Really, I don’t understand, but you’re my sister and if you need someone to talk I am here.”   Megan said reaching over and giving me a hug. “So is it really over between you and Scotty?”

“I don’t know Megan, it’s up to him.” I said, frowning.

“Give him some time Jessica. I’m sure that once he calms down, he’ll come to his senses. If he doesn’t, then it’s his loss. There are plenty of other guys out there.”

“I know Megan, but there’s only one guy I want, and right now he’s mad at me.”

“God, love can really suck.” I said, looking over at Megan.

“Yeah, it sure can.” Megan said with a sigh. “Feel like drowning your sorrows in a bowl of rocky road?” Megan asked with a smile.

“Sure, ice-cream is the answer to all life’s little problems.” I said as the two of us headed for the kitchen

As the two of us made our way into the kitchen I thought to myself that it felt good to finally vent my feelings, even if it was at the expense of my sister.

 

 

[-][+][-]

 

 

 

Megan and I were busy laying waste to the what was left of the container of ice-cream when Mom arrived. As she made her way inside, she was carrying 4 bags in her hands. “Girls, I could use some help,” Mom said from the living room.

“Coming, Mom,” the two of us chimed together.

Between Megan and me the two of us were able to carry the remaining bags inside and into the kitchen, where we found Mom already busy sorting and putting things away.

“Thanks girls,” Mom said, then looked over at the table and saw the empty ice-cream container. ”Alright which one of you is having a bad day this much ice cream can only mean one thing.”

“Jessica had a meltdown”, Megan said frowning.

  “Want to talk about it honey?” Mom said, concerned.

  “I think that I’m beyond talking about it Mom. Let’s just say I’m no longer a cheerleader, and as of today I’m officially single.”

“Megan can you give your sister and I some privacy? The two of us need to have a talk.”

”Sure Mom, but I don’t think it’s going to make a difference, she’s made up her mind.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

After Megan left, Mom took a seat across from me. “Alright Jessica, what happened?”

“It’s been coming for a while now, Mom. I think it was that damn essay that put me over the edge. I didn’t really want to read it aloud. I knew what it was going to do to me, but everyone kept pushing, saying that reading it was for my own good.”

“Whenever I hear those words, it’s for you own good, why does everything that’s for my own good always have to hurt?” I said, frustrated tears building.

“I was worried this would happen, how are you doing really, Jessica?” Mom asked, a concerned, worried look on her face.

“Mom, I just don’t know, but I’m not going to sit around and pretend that everything’s alright anymore. I might get 2-3 hours’ sleep a night, and not a night goes by that I’m not awakened by those stupid nightmares! They just don’t want to go away, Mommy, and I am tired of being scared all the time. “

“Honey, we need to get you back in to see your doctor, and you’re right, things aren’t going to get better on their own.   You have to do the work, honey. Now, Jessica, what happened between you and Scotty?” Mom asked, sympathetically.

“I happened, Mom. He wasn’t happy that I quit cheerleading. Scotty wanted me to be there with him for the championships, and if I would have remained with the cheerleading squad, I would be going away with him on road trips and other events.

I tried to explain to him why I couldn’t be there, Mom. I told him I just needed time to start working on myself, but he was so mad at me. He wouldn’t listen to what I had to say, and in the end I said maybe the two of us taking a break would be best.

He completely lost it, Mom and said that he was going to find another girlfriend. I was just so upset and he just drove off, leaving me at the boys and girls club.”

“Jessica, I think that taking a break right now is likely the best thing for the both of you. I know it’s hard, but you need time to heal and maybe being apart will make that easier.”

“I think so too, Mom. I have to start seeing my therapist more, and I need to start going to my meetings. It’s the only way that I am going to be able to move forward. “

“I think that you’re on the right path, Jessica. Now if you will just stick with it. So what were you doing at the boys and girls club.”

“There was a bulletin at school that they were offering self-defence classes. I thought maybe it would help me deal with things. The teacher didn’t think it would help, but is willing to take me on as a full time student.” I said looking at Mom.

“What will this cost us, Jessica?”

“It’s not going to cost us anything Mom, in exchange   for him teaching me, I’ll be working at the dojo, when I don’t have doctors’ appointments, anyway.

“You talked to him about what was going on, and why you wanted the training?” Mom asked, surprised.

“I didn’t have to, he figured it out on his own. I guess the bruises were a dead giveaway. “

“Jessica, it’s a good idea, just try not to put too much on your plate, at least not for a while.”

“I won’t, something tells me between school and everything else I will have plenty to do as it is.” I said. “Can you give me a ride into town tonight Mom? I want to do a meeting.”

“Sure honey, and I think it would be a good idea to take you to get your licence, so that you can get to and from your appointments without having to depend on us.”

“I’d like that Mom, but I still can’t drive alone, even with my young driver’s certificate.”

“Sure you can, just drive carefully and no speeding.   That’s a stupid rule anyway, your father and I were both driving when we were your age.”

 

[-][+][-]

 

Kelly decided that it was time for her to make another appearance, While they were in the coffee shop earlier, a bug had been placed under Adrian’s car. it wasn’t any good for hearing what was being said inside of his car, because of the noise that came from the motor, but it had a small GPS Chip inside of it which allowed John and Kelly to keep track of his location.

“How do I look John?” Kelly asked.

“John looked at her, then gave her a slap across the face, taking her by surprise. It wasn’t really hard enough to do any damage, he didn’t want to really hurt her after all.

Sorry Kelly, but he’s seen us this morning and you didn’t have any marks. We need to make it look like someone is beating you. Use a little light makeup, it will look like you’re trying to hide it.”

“Next time you hit me like that, you may find my knee gently kicking as hard as I can between your legs,” Kelly said, just a little pissed off. “Who the hell trained you John, Inspector Clouseau?

“Hmm…. So you are a little lamb who has come to Clouseau for to learn.” John said, using an extremely bad French accent.

“God help me, if Rocco doesn’t kill you, I just might.” Kelly said looking at her slightly insane partner and shaking her head.

“Without warning, I will attack you. In this way, I will keep you vigilant and alert.“ John said, continuing to use that god-awful French accent.

“I better leave, before I accidentally discharge my firearm.” Kelly said with a smile, then headed out the door as quickly as she could.

 

 

[-][+][-]

 

After Kelly checked on Adrian’s location, she found he was a few blocks away from the coffee shop, in a restaurant called Dino’s. It was a little run down business that was most likely a front of some kind, Kelly thought as she walked the short distance.

It was around 5:30 pm, when she arrived and made her way inside.   She took a look at the menu, they had 2 pieces of Pizza and a soft drink for $4.50. Before leaving the apartment, she had grabbed a pile of change to make it look she had very little money.

As she ordered she noticed an older man, who must have been the manager, staring at her. He didn’t come over or anything. He was must likely noticing the bruises that were on her face thanks to her partner, Inspector Clouseau, she thought to herself.

After paying for her order she took a seat at one of the empty tables. At first there was no sign of Adrian, and she wondered if she had missed him. Kelly was surprised, thinking that for such a dive they sure did make good pizza. She took a bite and felt a light pain from where John had hit her.

She thought that she would have to find a way to thank her father for partnering her with this oddball. To be honest, she liked John. He was nothing like she expected, and always fun to be around. Kelly just kept her eyes open and listened, hoping that she heard something, but there was way too much noise in the restaurant, especially from the staff.

As she was finishing off her last slice of pizza, she saw Adrian walking out of the kitchen carrying a stack of pizzas; he was followed by another man carrying a plastic bag with what looked like 2 litre bottles of pop out to his car. When he passed me, he turned and the two of us locked eyes and he looked at me a little closer.

“I know you, you were at the coffee shop this morning, did your father do this to you?” Adrian asked, staring at the bruising.

“No, I just took a fall,” I said, turning away from his gaze.

“That’s funny, it looks more like a slap then the kind of bruising you would get from a fall. Take it from someone that knows, protecting your father is a mistake. You should go to the cops before he takes things too far.” Adrian said with a look of concern.

“I’ll be alright; I’m not going home for a while,” I said sadly.

“Waiting for him to pass out, are you?” Adrian said frowning.

“Yeah, something like that.” I said, finishing off the last of my pizza.

“I don’t normally do this, but is there somewhere I can drop you off at, like a family member?” Adrian asked out of concern.

“Not really, it’s just my father and I, my mom ran off years ago.” Kelly said as she tried to remember the loss of her own mother.

“I could use a lift to Main and Dufferin, if that wouldn’t be a problem.” Kelly said trying to keep the conversation going.

“Sure, I’m going past there, let’s get going, Kid.” Adrian said

“My name is Tessa, and thanks for the ride.” Kelly said with a smile.

“I’m Adrian, nice to meet you Tessa” he said with a smile.

 

[-][+][-]

 

Once the two of them were in his car, Adrian and “Tessa” drove off. Adrian turned to her. “You’re new to the area, where are you from?” Adrian asked, looking over in her direction.

“My father and I travel around a lot, we were living in Halifax NS, for the last year, well, until he got laid off, then we moved here, he said there would be better work opportunities.” she said, looking over at Adrian

“There are lots of jobs around, provided your father sobers up. If he is anything like he was this morning, I don’t see him finding and holding a job. My father was the same way, he was an angry, abusive drunk, and I couldn’t wait to get out from under his thumb.” Adrian said looking just a little angry.

“That’s a shame, do you ever see him?” She asked, looking over at Adrian.

“He died a few years after I left home from cirrhosis of the liver. He basically drank himself to death and died alone, living in a rundown rooming house.” Adrian said sadly.

“That couldn’t have been easy for you.” Kelly said, actually feeling bad for Adrian.

“The truth of the matter was, I hated my father and because of the abuse I suffered at his hands, I was happy to see him gone.   To be honest, I’d like to line up every one of those asshole that are just like him and shot every single one of them, including your father.” Adrian said with a frown.

“But that’s not the person I am anymore, Remember one thing Tessa, it’s never too late to change your life for the better and sometimes that means putting yourself first, and leaving a bad situation.” Adrian said with a smile.

“Why all the pizza Adrian, are you going to a party?”

“You could say that Tessa, it’s for a group of kids that have been going through a rough time, kind of like yourself.” Adrian said with a smile.

A few minutes later they arrived at her stop. “Well, this is it, Tessa. if you ever need to talk, I’m at the coffee shop every morning, but just bring yourself. I can’t guarantee your fathers safety, he’s too much like my own father.” Adrian said, then waved goodbye as he drove off.

As Adrian drove off Kelly couldn’t help but wonder, was this man really the monster that he was made out to be? He seemed to actually care about her, but she had a mission and had to follow the facts, this man was a stone cold killer when he had to be and giving the right conditions would kill again. She thought to herself.

 

After about a half an hour’s drive Mom and I arrived at the church where my meeting was being held. I would catch the bus back when I was done.   “See you later, Jessica.” Mom said before driving off.

I waved goodbye and started walking toward the entrance. There was a group of woman and even some girls around my age, standing around out front talking with each other and smoking, which seemed to be a normal routine at these meetings.

I felt a little out of place, considering that I didn’t really know anyone there, but as I made my way into the building everyone was friendly and welcomed me with open arms.

After making my way inside and looking around I did see one friendly face.   It was my birth mother and when she saw me she came running over and met me with a big hug.” Jessica, I am so glad to see you, how have you been doing?” Mom asked as the two of us took a seat next to one another.

“I’ve been better, Mom, things have just gone straight to hell on Me.” I said frustrated.

“Well you are in the right place honey; would you like to talk about it?” Mom asked, looking concerned.

 

[-][+][-]

 

This side of my mother was something I didn’t expect all of my life she was never there for me and here she was making an effort and trying to build a bridge between the two of us.

  I thought about all those months back, when I told her that if she wanted to have a relationship with me, she would have to get help and rebuild her own life.

I could see she had kept her word this wasn’t the mother I knew this was someone different.

I looked over at her, “After the meeting, do you want to grab a coffee? I think the two of us need to talk things out, you made a promise to me in the hospital and have kept your word to me.   It’s time the two of us start working out our problems. “

“I would like that Jessica,” Mom said and put her arm around me.

“It seemed that Mom knew most of the woman in the group and spent about 15 minute introducing me as her daughter. It was a weird experience, but there was a part of me that was happy. I knew that the two of us would never be as close as Janice and I were, but there was hope for the two of us.”

“Just before the meeting started a girl took a seat beside me, she looked a little nervous and I could really relate. I looked over at her and smiled. “Hi, I am Jessica, I’m new here too.” I said with a smile.

“I’m Tessa, how did you know this was my first meeting?” Tessa said with a frown.

“You had the deer in the headlights look, the same one I had when I arrived.” I said with a smile.

“I was lucky, if my Mom hadn’t been here, I would’ve felt completely lost. Tessa, this is my mom, Janet.” I said, referring to the woman sitting next to me.

“Hi Tessa, it’s nice to meet you. Just try to make yourself comfortable and remember you don’t have to speak unless you are ready to, and that goes for you too, Jessica.” Mom said with a smile.

Mom and I talked with Tessa, for a few minutes, before the meeting started. The design of the meeting was for everyone to sit around a circle and take turns talking and there was a reading from a book before we started and that was to be the topic of the meeting, but everyone was free to talk about what was actually on their mind.

I was surprised that Mom passed, but I think she was doing it so I would have a chance to talk. I really didn’t know what to say, the topic was on acceptance and to be honest there was a part of me that didn’t want to accept any of this.

“Hi my name is Jessica, and I am a child of abuse”.

“Hi Jessica, everyone replied”

“To be honest there is a part of me that just wants to get up and leave but I have been trying to deal with everything on my own and it just isn’t working.   I used to think if I had the perfect family, good friends and someone that cared for me, it would be enough to make me happy, but I had all that and I wasn’t happy because it never killed the pain.

For the longest while I thought that I was dealing with my problem, because I was seeing my doctor and did a couple of meetings, but I was in denial. I was still running and started depending on other people to take care of me.   I think the hardest thing is the freaking nightmares. They haunt me every night to the point where I only get a few hours of sleep, and because of it I feel miserable all day.

I just got back from a weekend camping trip with friends and slept like a baby the whole time, the only reason that I slept and didn’t have the nightmares was because boyfriend was holding me and I felt safe in his arms. I am tired of being scared all the time and needing other people to protect me.

I just want to be like every other teenage girl but that’s impossible, I will never be normal, and I can blame my parents for that but I am done playing that game. Yes I was abused, yes I am a victim, but I have a choice to continue feeling sorry for myself or I can find a way to live with it.

Today I quit cheerleading and I think my boyfriend and me are finished, but that’s up to him. I had to make a choice and put my recovery first, which meant I needed to learn to stand on my own two feet and stop depending on other people to make me happy. The only way I can do that is by seeing my therapist and attending meetings.

In some ways I am lucky. My mother and I are both attending meetings and some of them are together like tonight, and I think the two of us will benefit from being here together. I’ve already seen a big change in her between now and when she was in the hospital and I am proud of you, Mom.   That’s really all I have to say, thanks for listening.” I said with a smile.

Tessa was the next in line to speak, but she chose to pass. As I looked over at her, she looked a little upset. I reached over and took her hand. “It’s alright Tessa, when you’re ready, it will be easier.” I said handing her a tissue from my purse.

“Thanks, Jessica”, She said as she wiped the tears away from her eyes. “You’re not the only one with the nightmares, I have the nightmares too Jessica.” Tessa said sadly.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After the meeting Tessa and I talked for a few minutes and I found out she had just moved to town. She was living with her father, and the two of them had moved here from Halifax, NS. I also found out that she was going to be attending the same school that I was, so the two of us exchanged numbers and agreed to meet up at lunchtime and I would introduce her to the gang.

After saying goodbye, Mom and I headed over to where she had parked. She clicked the button on her keychain and I heard a loud beeping noise, and the sound of a clicking. Mom smiled. “This is my baby,” referring to the grey Saturn that was next to us.

After climbing inside the car, Mom put it into drive and before long the two of us had arrived at a Starbucks that was nearby. After ordering, we found a quiet table towards the back of the restaurant.

“Thanks for what you said at the meeting, it means a lot to me. It hasn’t been an easy road for either one of us, but I think that you know that already better than anyone.” Mom said wiping a tear from her eyes.

“Yes I do, Mom, and I am proud of you for not giving up. Sometimes though, giving up seems easier.”

“It may be easier Jessica, but take it from someone that knows, hiding from your problems doesn’t help.   People rarely change unless they have no other choice.

I just don’t want to see you make the same mistakes that I made, Jessica. You’re a beautiful young woman with your whole life ahead of you, and what you do now will determine how your life turns out.”

“Just so you know, I wouldn’t worry too much about Scotty, honey. He loves you, I maybe a terrible judge of men, but even a blind man could see that he’s crazy over you.  

“I really don’t know what happened between the two of you, but while people say woman are moody, men can be just as bad when they don’t get their own way, Jessica.”

“Whatever happens, follow your heart, put your recovery first and always remember that I love you, Jessica.” Mom said, reaching over and taking my hand.

“I love you too, Mommy,” I said, feeling my eyes starting to tear up. All of my life I had wanted to hear those words from her, and within seconds the both of us were hugging one another.

“Jessica, are you happy living with the Tanners?” Mom asked, frowning.

“Yes, I’m part of the family now, and I wouldn’t trade that for the world,” I said sadly. I knew that she wanted more than I was willing to give her.

“I sometimes think about fighting for you Jessica, but I know you are happy there and I don’t want to put you in the middle of another battle.” Mom said sadly.

“If you fought for me Mom, you’d lose because it would come down to what I want, and I would have to choose the Tanners.” I said. A part of me was glad that she even considered fighting for me.

“No matter what happens, you will always be my mother, and I want you in my life. I want us to spend more time together, but let’s just take things a day at a time and really get to know each other as a mother and daughter should. Believe me, I am not going anywhere Mommy.”

“Alright honey, I just want to be part of your life, nothing else matters to me, you’re all I have left and the only thing in my life that is worth fighting for.” Mom said with a smile.

 

[-][+][-]

 

After finishing our coffee, I told Mom that I had a bus to catch, but she would have none of that, and before long she was dropping me off at home.

“Thanks Mommy, I had good time tonight and it was nice to spend some time together outside of the meetings.” I said, leaning over and giving her a hug and kiss

“Me too, baby, let’s not wait so long next time.” Mom said hugging me and giving me a kiss in return.

“I love you, Mommy!” I said climbing out of her car and closing the door behind me.

“I love you too, sweetheart,” Mom said just before driving off.

 
 

End of part 13

To be continued in part 14