A Change in my Life.

Chapter 1 A new friendship

By

Julie D Cole

My name is Sally Crewe and I am 28 years old and until recently I lived with two friends in a shared apartment close to the university that I’d graduated from in the North of England. I’m more than 200 miles from home in the South of England and don’t have much contact with my family these days since my parents were divorced. Both have found new partners and I’ve no brothers and sisters and only one cousin who lives in Scotland at the moment.

My friend is called Jessica and I felt that was very lucky to have access to this wonderful three bedroom apartment with lots of space and a shared kitchen and lounge and two bathrooms. She told Mary Jo and I, who was the other resident that it was owned by her family but from what I understood from the lease agreement that we had to sign the owner was some sort of trust fund called Harper Friends and Family.

Whilst I refer to Jessica as my friend she is more of an ex friend really because recently we argued and she virtually kicked me out of the apartment by making my life miserable and this argument happened because of her jealousy because I became best friends with one of her colleagues from work called Chrissy.

When I first met Chrissy I knew her as Chris and in fact I wasn’t sure about her at the time because she was dressed in boys clothes. I have to admit that Chrissy is a boy but he is more like a girl and I’ve got to know him more he’s started dressing full time as a girl and he did expect this to upset me but it didn’t.

I never did anything wrong to Jessica, as far as I’m aware, but I know that she didn’t like me to spend so much time with Chrissy but she’d introduced us and arranged us to share a room together on a Hen night break that we went on together with some other friends.

Chrissy stepped in for one of my friends who had to cancel and was encouraged to join us by Jessica who insisted that she spent the whole weekend as Chrissy rather than Chris. He was very nervous but he looked so sweet that I helped him and for me it was a relief to find a quiet and polite boy rather than the pig who’d been my boyfriend.

I did choose to leave rather than argue or fight with Jessica. She is a strange character and since Mary Jo for a longer time, since they were at school together, she has learned to put up with her mood swings and mad moments.

I could just about afford to rent this apartment and it was far superior than the digs I’d rented before. I had a lot more space and we had a laundry room so that saved cleaning bills and lost time visiting the local launderette.

I work as a research assistant with a regional newspaper that is an OK job but I can’t see me doing it for the rest of my life. I’d often dreamed of meeting someone, falling in love and having 2 children, a girl to spoil and a boy who’d be the image of his father.

This led me to have a few relationships, the last of which was finished by me due to my boyfriends’ aggressive nature, his sexual demands and mainly because he would hit me whenever we argued or if he’d been drinking or lost his temper.

When I told him that I didn’t want to see him anymore he beat me so badly that I had to have sick leave for a week to wait for the swellings to go down. I daren’t report him to the police although I did go right to the police station door before I turned back.

My job is not too demanding but it’s a bit boring really and I wish I had more confidence in interviews so that I could find a long term job before I’m 30 years of age. Now my option of finding a husband was far less attractive since I don’t think I could ever trust a man again.

Well not until I met Chrissy. He is different. He is more she than he and I feel safe with him/her. She is attractive and funny and makes me feel very special. In the short time that I’ve known her I have become her close friend and I’ve wondered why we were thrown together and if she or he has the same feeling for me as I have for her.

I have to stop myself from getting too attached even though I’d love to think we could be friends forever. I’ve wondered if I had such feelings towards other friends but I haven’t. I don’t feel the same about anybody else except Chrissy, boy or girl.

As we share our feelings and chat about her/his daily experiences in crossing over lifestyles she makes my heart flutter and sometimes I want to hug and kiss her. I’ve wondered a lot about myself and if I’m more comfortable with Chrissy as a woman or if I love him as a man who dresses and acts like a woman.

When we sleep together I want to hold him and make love to him and for her to make love to me. Am I losing it? I just don’t know if this is because of my bad experience or if I’ve really found my soul mate and a partner for life.

Chrissy is quite beautiful and I thought this too when I first met her as Chris when I wasn’t sure if she was a girlfriend or a boyfriend of Jessicas. I had looked at her a few times and he looked at me too and smiled. Since we became friends I am encouraging her to grow her hair a little bit longer and I’d love to brush and style it for her.

As a man she looked more like a butch girlfriend of Jessica but now with my help and the help of her sister Julie she looks completely feminine and much moreso than he/she believes. I am so proud of her.

With each day her skin has become softer and she is aleady much slimmer and I tell her she is slimmer than me.

We had a fantastic weekend together in Birmingham on the Hen night, even though we had some trouble at a nightclub that has blown over thankfully. My regret was only that she was attracted to a boy who approached her and who tried to fix me up with his friend.

For a while I was worried that she would be found out and that she’d get beaten up too so I kept a close contact to be there if I was needed. It turned out this boy was in fact uncertain about his own sexual preferences and I’m still sure that he is gay but I have never felt that Chrissy was.

To me Chrissy is a girl and if anything it’s me that is assumed to be gay and not him because people around us have always assumed Chrissy to be female and not male. It is so strange but I really don’t care what people think about me just now I just want Chrissy and I want her to want me.

Chrissy had worked with Jessica and was being trained to take over the department until there was a senior management change and the new boss side lined the Manager and promoted Jessica above Chris into the position. He just accepted it and his life was a misery for a while until the Birmingham weekend.

Jessica was quite proud of her promotion and she wouldn’t stop bragging about it wherever we went and she even gloated about the way she’d demoted her opponent for the job after her promotion was confirmed. He was made to carry out more trivial duties and she was determined to make him resign.

But it didn’t work out like that and now upon reflection I feel sometimes that the whole situation was stage managed because the new boss took Chrissy under her wing and since that time Chris has virtually disappeared. Jessica hasn’t been too comfortable about this but I just don’t think she could see what was going on or what this boss who was a strong woman called Kate was doing.

My worry is that Chrissy likes Kate and Kate likes Chrissy. When they spend so much time together at work it makes our time together insignificant so already I feel they know each other very well. Kate knows that Chrissy was a man and is pushing him/her towards making a decision to make the change permanent.

I do get very jealous but the worst thing I could do is complain and risk throwing them together like Jessica has done to Chrissy and I. So what does Chrissy want and what do I want?

To be continued….

A Change in my Life.
Chapter 2
By
Sally Crewe
Julie D Cole

My relationship with Chrissy has developed a lot because he/she has helped me since I had a big argument with Jessica.
As we’ve spent time together I’ve been able to get to know her and I’ve realised she is definitely more girl than boy and I’ve been amazed how she has grown in confidence since she started working for Kate.

It’s just like she’s been a girl all her life and whereas she was quiet as Chris she is very assured as Chrissy.

I’ve noticed that she’s now able to deal with Jessica and control her and in fact Jessica is treating her with a lot of respect.

At first I thought this was because Kate was supporting Chrissy but it’s not. She is a different person and now she knows what she wants and she’s learning how to handle herself.

I’ve found myself relying on her for advice and when I had an argument about the apartment with Jessica she offered me chance to stay with her so I welcomed the chance because Jessica was so mean.

I met her mum and Julie who is her sister and I’ve been welcomed like I’m part of the family.

Chrissy’s mum was amazed to see her dressed as a woman and she was shocked to see that Chrissy looked exactly like her sister who’d died many years ago as a result of a car accident.

Chrissy was also surprised at the resemblance when they looked at some albums together with Chrissys Gran.

When Chrissy visited her Gran it was like her Aunt had come back to life and it seemed this shock had a very positive effect since her Gran had been really devastated by the loss of her favourite daughter.

Suddenly Chrissy was finding out a lot about her childhood and her family.

The biggest shock of all was that she learned that her mum had adopted her and her real mum was the sister who had been killed and Chrissy was born as her real mum died on the operating table.

There was a feeling inside me because then I was thinking that Judith, who was Chrissys real mum, had perhaps taken over her own sons body and that was why Chrissy was now more feminine as he/she grew up.

So I did some research at work but I daren’t say anything to Chrissy because she had enough to contend with. I found some websites and also consulted a local Mystic.

I was surprised at what I read and I even researched about other non Christian faiths. I came to the conclusion that nothing is impossible and that perhaps Chrissy really was partly Judith and partly her son Chris and maybe she was starting to dominate as he grew up.

In any case he/she was so beautiful and I helped her to soften her appearance and to be more herself without resisting.

I’m not sure if any of this was true but it certainly made me feel more comfortable to share a relationship with Chrissy rather than her other self who I’d met but hardly noticed.

The biggest influence on Chrissys new life seems to be her sister Julie. She has been fantastic and I’ve also had the benefit as well as Chrissy. She really protects and looks out for Chrissy even though she is younger and they are so wonderful together.

They are always joking and teasing each other that has been good for their mum.

She’d divorced Chrissys dad and hadn’t gotten over it properly. Something had obviously happened that seemed to be related to Chrissy.

Some of the girls we went to Birmingham with work for the same Company as Jessica and Chrissy so I expected them to give Chrissy a hard time and to spread rumours but nothing happened.

I think this is because they all like her so much. So I’m lucky to be her friend and I think we are really best friends.

I didn’t consider myself to have any desire for lesbian relationships as I grew up and I don’t really know whether I’m falling in love with a woman or a man or a wonderful combination.

All I know at the moment is that we like each other and I can make love again having lost the confidence after my relationships with men.

I seem to have found the answer and whilst I’d like her to be more dominant sometimes I quite like her to be the passive partner.

I think that I’m winning her over. I think James, the boy she met in Birmingham has melted into the background because he has a very aggressive girlfriend and also because he is probably now more openly gay.

But the one I’m not sure about is Kate because Chrissy is still smitten by her.

Anyway I just have to find out more about her and luckily Julie has the same opinion as I do that there is more to her than we see at first glance.

To be continued ……………..

A Change in my Life.
Chapter 3
By
Julie D Cole
Sally Crewe

I am becoming infatuated by Chrissy and I can’t stop thinking about him/her. I don’t feel so lonely and frightened anymore and my feelings of depression have almost gone.

I went to see my doctor yesterday and she suggested that I change my medication and that I might be able to come off it altogether soon. I talked to her about Chrissy and she was quite surprised and asked about him/her and if he/she was having treatment or seeing her doctor and was pleased to hear that she was.

Last night when we made love together Chrissy was completey different. She relaxed as I showed her how to find my erogenous zones and we explored to find hers too.

We talk a lot before we go to sleep and what I like is that she encourages me to tell her about my day and my feelings about lots of things. I’ve found myself telling her about some of my experiences growing up and the changes that took place in my body. I told her about my feelings for the few boys in my life.

It’s so nice to have someone to talk to and know that they are listening and that I can release the horrors of that last awful night with my boyfriend and his sexual abuse. I should have reported him to the police but I didn't want the pain and for our business to be made public.

She seems comfortable if I talk about anything and she smiled when I said I can be horrible a few days before my period that is coming up soon. She just said that’s why she was going away with Julie for the weekend and that I should look on the bright side that at least my awful ex didn’t make me pregnant.But she still wanted me to think about reporting him to the police.

So far we haven’t fallen out once and we seem to be able to enjoy time together. Now I really want to see if we can accept each others likes and dislikes without any arguments because my boyfriends have always been selfish in this respect.

I don’t feel this is a problem with Chrissy because she is the type of person who will always compromise and make other people happy.

She seems to understand the hurt that I’ve gone through and she wants to know about my family and friends and about the things that I like and what I don’t like. It’s just like I’ve found the sister I always wanted as well as a best friend and dare I hope even a lover and a partner.

She makes me more confident in myself and I feel more attractive and I want to look nice when I see her and to feel as beautiful as she is becoming with each day. I really like it when she looks at me as if I am an attractive person and not someone to have sex with that is how my previous relationships seemed to go.

Already I am feeling completely at ease with Chrissy and I trust her and listen to her because she tells me what she thinks and what I ought to do without pushing me. She lets me decide and just gives her opinion.

She is already keeping a note of all her friends birthdays and special occasions so I expect that she will be spoiling me as I want to spoil her. She bought me a wonderful bunch of my favourite freesia flowers and I only mentioned they were my favourites once in a casual conversation. I don’t know where she managed to buy them so she must have gone to a lot of trouble.

I really care about him/her but I have made some stupid mistakes through my jealousy and almost blew it by packing a bag to leave when I thought she loved Kate more than me and somehow she came home early as if she sensed I was hurting. She stopped me at her front door and I felt completely stupid as she hugged me and took me inside to chat together.

Later after we went to bed I managed to coax Chrissy to tell me more about Kate and reluctantly she did but I didn’t have to press too hard.We agreed not to have sectrets so she respected me by trusting me.

Now I understand why Kate has been so interested in Chrissy and why she’s helped him to live as a girl and work for her. Life is not easy for any of us and poor Kate was born without full definition of male or female gender so had been registered as a boy for safety. Just what safety means in these circumstances I’ll never understand.

Anyway here we are falling in love. Well at least that’s my sincere hope.
After a wonderful night together when Chrissy finally found my G spot and I found hers. It was bliss.

Afterwards we had the most wonderful idea as we chatted that was to find a home together. Chrissy just needed to persuade her mum and dad to get back together. That was her target for the weekend as well as the main objective of talking to them about her own situation.

She told me that Kate had offered to help and may even rent an apartment to us until we decided if we wanted to buy a place together.I realised Kate was always going to be able to offer nice things that I couldn't affort to do but I should not be jealous or I'd push Chrissy away.

Chrissy was kind enough to arrange for me to stay with Jessica and Mary Jo whilst she was away with her mum and Julie. I can’t stay alone yet after my beating and am frightened if I hear any noises.I feel secure with Chrissy.

When she waved goodbye this morning I felt like my heart had sunk into my feet and whilst I wished her luck I was very sad. Two days without seeing her is not something I want at this stage of our relationship. Also I am a little frightened in case Jessica flips but I decided I have to be brave and mend the broken bridges.

Anyway I'd decided to be positive and think that this was Chrissys weekend to make a lot of decisions. I didn't want her to think I didn't care so I called Interflora and sent her a red rose and a message. I so want her to be Chrissy full time.

Jessica at least was kind enough to call me this morning and we arranged to go into Leeds for dinner and then to meet up with her friends. Mary Jo had offered to drive since she’s bought a new car and we are on our way up the motorway to see how fast it will go. Her dad bought it for her really lucky thing.

Well that’s the last I could remember of that night. I heard car tyres screeching as I was writing a text message to Chrissy. I heard Jessica scream and then there was a loud bang and everything went black.

To be continued…….

A Change in my Life.
Chapter 4 Waking up
By
Julie D Cole
Sally Crewe

The next thing I remember was seeing some strange faces around be and I could hear Jessica screaming. I just wanted to close my eyes and go to sleep. My head hurt.

I couldn’t focus properly to try to recognize the faces. There was a light and I seemed to be on a stretcher.

I heard some more voices and I tried to wake up but I couldn’t. I tried to see where I was and saw some medical people. It looked like a nurse lifting my arm and a doctor at the other side of me.

My arm hurt but my head was worse. All I could remember was getting into Mary Jo’s car and then nothing. Where was she and where was Jessica? Where is Chrissy. Oh my God where is Chrissy I’ve lost her.

More voices and this time I saw Jessica with someone. It was Kate, Chrissys boss. Oh Kate please please hear me. Can’t you hear me please look at me.

It was black again and I really felt weak. I couldn’t lift my arm and I felt like I was in a trance. I couldn’t keep my eyes open. My eyelids were heavy and then I remembered I was in the back of Mary Jo’s car and had my mobile phone in my hand. My God where’s my mobile phone I have to call Chrissy.

It was black again. I felt weaker and I was drifting in and out of consciousness but nobody could see me and I couldn’t shout out. I tried to move but my head hurt so I just went back to sleep again.

Each time I opened my eyes I saw a different person. Jessica and Kate had gone and another doctor was holding my hand and saying he thought I was coming around again.

‘Yes stupid I’m awake but you can’t hear me. Please I want to ask you to find my mobile phone. I want to call Chrissy. Oh Jessica please come back and help me. Where are you when I need you.’

I saw a clock on the wall and it was 10 o clock. But I didn’t know if it was morning or night because no window. I seemed to be in a room with no windows just a lot of lights. Oh they hurt my eyes.’

I heard more voices and looked towards the door. A nurse was standing there talking to someone. Who is it I can’t see clearly. Is it Kate? Oh my head. Whatever I do I can’t wake up. ‘Please God let me wake up.’

Now more people. Oh I saw Julie and then I heard Chrissy I heard Chrissy. I had to open my eyes I wanted to hear what she was saying.

‘Sally did you hear that dad’s coming home.’

I hear I hear. She held my hand and I could feel her. I could feel her warm hand. Oh Chrissy please I can hear you.

Then I heard Kate and I heard Chrissy say something else. She seemed to be crying as she said it. ‘'But Kate I'm sorry I don't think I can accept.'

What did she mean, were they in love? Has she proposed?

Kate said something but I couldn’t hear clearly. Then Chrissy spoke again
'Kate, I have just given a promise to God that I’d give up the notion of living as a woman and deceiving people in exchange for his help.’

What was she saying?

‘ I want him to bring Sally back so I can take care of her. ‘

Why what’s wrong with me I’m here.

‘My real mum died because of me and I can't let Sally die because of me. I have to change back.'

No Chrissy no don't be stupid listen to me please.

I summed up all my strength and squeezed her hand. I don’t want Chris I want you. But I couldn’t get the words out.

I squeezed again and Chrissy felt it and turned to me and the tears fell onto me.
I tried harder ‘No Chrissy no. Please for me. You have to carry on.’

Oh she heard me.

‘Oh Sally Oh Sally I love you. You woke up. Nurse, Nurse.’

I could see her and she heard me. Oh my God she heard me.

I managed to speak again ‘Chrissy I love you as you are. You are Chrissy or you are Chris.’

I just wanted to hold her or for me to hold me. I love him/her as she is.
‘ You are one person and I love you as you are now. Please don’t change we have a life together.’

To be continued ………………………

A Change in my Life.
Chapter 5
By
Julie D Cole
Sally Crewe

I managed to stay awake for a while and it was nice to know Chrissy was close by and several times that night I felt her lightly squeezing my hand.

I don’t know how long Chrissy stayed that night but when I woke up I was in a private room that had windows and blinds. The nurse told me that Chrissy had gone and would come back later because my mother and her partner had arrived and since I was asleep they’d gone to have some breakfast.

I was sad because my feeling was that Chrissy had gone out of the way.

I chatted with the nurse for a while whilst she helped me to tidy myself up and she said I was very lucky and that I should treat this as a very lucky escape and enjoy the rest of my life. She said that she was confident that I’d be able to go home soon because of the lack of hospital beds and the maximum would be a couple of days. She asked if I was going home because someone needed to be with me all the time for two or three days.

Then she asked if I’d be going with mum but she said I’d seemed to have a close bond with my girlfriend.

I didn’t answer.

The problem was Chrissy was working for Kate and anyway I didn’t know how she was going to react since she’d said she’d made a promise to herself and to God that if I survived she’d stop being Chrissy because she felt the accident was her punishment again just like her real mum had been punished so many years ago and left a mixed up child behind. I had to see her and talk to before she did something stupid that she’d regret.

I couldn’t remember much about the events leading up to the crash so when mum arrived and asked me what had happened I couldn’t answer. She just thought I was covering for Mary Jo and Jessica and was sure that we’d been speeding but that’s my mum. She never waits to hear my explanation of events or anyone elses for that matter. She just judges people wrongly and then assumes things that is terribly frustrating so I didn’t want to go back home.

My chat with mum was difficult because I don’t like her new boyfriend and I’m sure that she could have her pick of lots of nicer men. It was obvious she cared about me but she wasn’t really listening to me and she assumed that I’d been a drama queen over the beating and attempted rape experience I’d had with my last boyfriend. She wanted me to be married before I got too old for children and she didn’t seem to care who I married as long as he was a good looker and had a good job. She was always watching out for prospective candidates for me and I decided not to say anything about Chrissy.

Mum asked what I wanted to do if the doctor said I was OK to leave and I told her I preferred to stay close to work and that I was staying with Chrissy. She asked me if Chrissy was a flatmate and if she had a boyfriend and why I’d left the apartment I shared with Jessica and Mary Jo. I told her just enough to pacify her.

She immediately brightened up when I said that we both lived at Chrissys mums house and that her sister was there too. She realized I wouldn’t have to go home and that I had a new family who would be able to take care of me.

We chatted for a while about nothing much and I was hunting for my mobile phone as a priority but I managed a drink and a small portion of food that pleased the nurse.

The doctor came to see me and told me I would probably be released the following morning after his rounds but to stay calm and rest.

Mum disappeared again so I wanted to contact Chrissy. No answer from her phone so I’d called Julie. She told me Chrissy had told her he was going home to change and then she’d arranged to come to the hospital to meet her around 1pm to drive her back to the hotel.

When mum came back she gave me a shock. She said she’d just met a nice young man who was waiting to see me and asked if it was my boyfriend. I’d no idea who she was talking about so she told me his name was Chris.

She said he was a bit effeminate but he seemed nice. My face must have dropped because she noticed and it’s not often mum picks up on these things.

I just said Chris was a good friend of Chrissys and I’d met him because he worked with Jessica.

So mum excused herself and decided I was OK so she could go home. I wasn’t too upset by that decision but what she’d told me about Chris was not what I wanted to hear.

About five minutes after mum left there was a light knock on the door and there in front of me stood an awkward looking young man with his head stooped and his hair plastered in gel.

As he came towards me I didn’t know what to do or what to say. This wasn’t Chrissy even though I could see some facial resemblance.

He mumbled an apology for leaving me and then asked if I’d forgive him for changing back but he needed to know that I was OK before he went back to meet his mum and dad to help them get back together.

I just burst into tears and said I didn’t care if he was Chris or Chrissy and that he was very special to me.

But there was something different about Chris. He wasn’t the same person at all. No smile and no jokey sense of humour as we sat and talked. He seemed nervous and unable to hug me that is what I needed most of all.

He seemed to blush a lot and he didn’t have much confidence to talk to the nurse when she asked him if he was related to Chrissy because she could see the resemblance.

He looked so awkward and his clothes lacked style and didn’t fit him very well.
Somehow it was a relief when Julie arrived to meet him and she was as shocked as I’d been. She just said she liked Chrissy and would really miss her. I just said ‘So will I.’

They left and it was awkward for me because now I didn’t feel I could go back to Cris’ mums house and share ‘his’ room. I needed to think and most of all I wanted to meet Chrissy to talk to her. She would take care of me and I needed her.

I reflected on what the nurse had said that I was very lucky and that the sun was shining so I should savor this day for the rest of my life. The sun wasn’t shining right now. I’d lost Chrissy. I wanted her to hold me and I wanted to hold her.

I didn’t care what mum or anybody might think about our relationship because we’d found each other and we were good for each other. It wasn’t Chris that I wanted. He was different.

I closed my eyes and thought about Chrissy. I could picture her face. She’d seemed to be getting more beautiful each day and I didn’t think she realized just how beautiful she was.
I felt that life was unfair and poor Chris had no confidence because he knew something was wrong.

There must be lots of people in his/her position and many would be a lot worse off. I wished that one day there would be some treatment available to correct these mistakes but then I felt it was more likely that men and women would come together as almost a common sex adopting mixed roles.

That was how I felt that we had bonded and if Chris needed to be Chrissy so that his true personality came out that was fine with me.

I needed Chrissy so how to find her again?

To be continued………