Charlie.

Not Chuck, never Chuck, not Chucky Not Charles in Charge either and definitely, definitely not Charlotte.

I’ve hated being Charlotte ever since I was four, yeah four when my cousins showed me what I’d never have. How he was better than me because I was just a girl. I beat him up, smacked him with my GI-JOE twelve inch action figure. (It was Snake eyes, because he always kicks ass.) I got into trouble but that day didn’t just stick with me. It was just the first crack in my wall.

The first chip off the pink paint.

I smile at the feel of my muscles moving under my LA King’s jersey as I pick up some boxes out of the back of the moving van and carry them into the house. Dad just looks at me and I shrug try to give him a grin but it’s still hard. He’s wigged out that I’m choosing to become a guy. But I’m not really choosing it. You don’t choose to be transgendered, you don’t know matter what some people think, and some girls think it me joining this winning side thing. My sister Libby says that, calls me dyke, and a freak and she refuses to talk to me. And she’s my little sister. My brother Jeff’s the same way, a year older than me and he thinks I’m a lesbian too, says that no matter what I’m never ever gonna be a real guy. Y’know even some T-girls at the LGBT meetings have accused me of that kind of thing too. I really hate them for that.

There’s a really good chance that I’ll never really have a relationship. I’m into girls, I’m pretty sure I am. But you know that sexually my chances of being normal are pretty f-ed up? Oh I know T-girls have all sorts of surgical stuff that can go wrong too but there’s really good odds that I’m not going to get to be really as serviceable. I get to look forward to being almost a freaky lesbian who gets to pee standing up.

This is a pretty consistent thing for us the attitude, getting this much shit about it from our families. Mom and dad are actually divorced over this because she was so offended by me wanting to fix what wasn’t right it was some personal attack on her. She beat me up when she found out that I had been taking T from off the internet and she kept yelling at me that I shouldn’t be crying, that I should take it like a man over and over even when she took out one of her personal “toys” and said all I needed was a good fucking to “Put Me Straight” I was thirteen when she raped me with her vibe, then sodomised me saying that I was going to be a fag and again that I should “take it like a man.”

The cops locked her away in the nutbar hotel and her lawyer and the f-ing judge agreed that she’d been unable to measure her responses by reason of mental defect. Then she tried to have me committed before I ended up mutilating myself.

So you know when people think that it’s me trading up, that’s a crock. It’s I have to be who I really am or I’ll probably kill myself. Just what am I trading up for? It’s not as easy as people think. Don’t shave, take some hormones, act macho, dress in guys clothes. The clothes are easier, you don’t got to know as many social things and behaviors.

So it just easy to give another guy a proper handshake, or know what to do when someone stares you down. How do you stare back? What do you do when four guys are walking down the street at you/ Move out of the way, move through them, say excuse me, back off and let them pass then keep going? Will they look at me like a punk? What will I do that I don’t look like a homosexual…not that there’s anything wrong with that but I’m not gay or swishy and don’t want to come across like that. There’s just as many things you’ve got to learn because you have to. Guy’s judge and women judge you too and honestly…I’m NOT A Lesbian! I don’t want a Lesbian girlfriend! I’ll gladly be friends with one but I want a straight girl for my girlfriend.

Sorry…shit…sorry… It’s the meds, honestly it is. It’s not just being on T and the rest of the stuff I’m on. Basically I’m sort of being put on menopause and stuff before they’ll yank out all the crap I was born with that I don’t need….or want.

And you know moving to a new town. Dad’s trying, Ashley my step mom is trying and she’s actually pretty good about it. My sister blames this on me too and my brother’s not as pissed but says he’s moving out as soon as he’s able to.

As much as everything sucks I do get a few moments of peace and of clarity. I hauled stuff all day then I mowed the lawn and then moved into the last of my stuff into my room and sat outside my window on the roof of the porch watching the waves coming in off of the pacific ocean. I breathe in the salty breeze and close my eyes and enjoy the pulsing soreness in my body. This male feeling for as long as I can. It can’t last long enough, I get up once it’s dark and go into my room and take a shower.

As much as you read about T-girls that hate they’re bodies in scenes just like this. I’ve got the same problem. My skin’s too soft, that fine layer of girl fat that makes them soft just won’t go away. I hate the smoothness, the jiggling mounds on my chest that just keep getting bigger that void between my legs feels like it’s a hole all the way to my heart. I try not to look, I try to turn my mind off of it even with using guys body washes, not shaving anywhere and using these scratchy towels it’s a pain filled reminder of things.

I move some of my moving boxes around and make up my bed. I dress totally up even sleeping, Even a Speedo stuffed with a sock sewed up and two small bean bags…It helps me sleep my fake manhood to close my legs and feel it there, to roll over and feel the shape and pressure under me while sleeping.

I get ready and lay in bed trying to get some sleep and end up watching “Pump Up The Volume.” with Christian Slater or most of it before falling asleep. It’s another night of fitful sleep and bad dreams before my alarms clock buzzes at 5:20 and I head down and cross the street/highway with my board and hit the beach and paddle out.

I like surfing, it does something for my soul. I don’t think about what I am or even who I am when I’m out here or catching a wave. It’s not a bad morning and there’s just us types that’d be out here every day. Just four foot waves with a gentle roll to them, nothing flashy but I like that. You get killer surf in this area the posers come out of the woodwork and come to show off. Us real surfers, we come out every day, even flatness there’s some of us that’ll be out here drifting and bouncing on the water. Just to be away from life’s bullshit on land.

I get home and shower again and get dressed…What the hell should I wear. I can smell Libby’s cloud of cosmetic gasses drifting in from her bathroom on the other side of mine. I first get my guy part set in right and pull my boxers over that and tie the drawstring tight. The last thing I need is to get pants’ed at school being the new guy. Sport’s bra without the seams is next then a Black Lycra surfer’s tight t-shirt and a red plaid shirt over that and a black hoody. I’m a skater too, it helps to be. I can look grunge and pass a lot easier until I can do something about it finally. Black calf high cut fatigues and army boots along with my heavy diver’s watch and my I-pod. I use an extra little bit of axe body spray on my closes and head down skate board in hand to get some breakfast.

My brother rolls his eyes at my and mumbles and Libby looks already like she’s going to throw a fit. Like I said she doesn’t just hate me but she’s embraced all things girly in order to compensate for me. It’s like she thinks I’m contagious. I thump shoulders with dad as I come in the kitchen and he looks better than usual like he’s actually had some sleep and his second cup of coffee. Ashley’s good for him, good for all of us compared to my real mom. She’s got breakfast ready and she used it as an excuse to make us all BLT’s for our lunches. I make a taco out of some scrambled eggs and about a dozen strips of bacon and dump some salsa on it from the fridge. I make myself a protein shake and take my meds. Libby shudders and makes faces at my through the whole process.

Jeff takes off without us or offering us a ride in his car this old POS Cuda he’s been wrecking as much as he’s been restoring it. I could give him a hand, I’m a better mechanic that him but he’s repeatedly said he’d torch it first. Of course this sets Libby off because now she’ll have to take the bus like some loser and me. I grab my backpack, my doctors stuff about my condition and my transfer stuff take off on my Skateboard, well Roadboard really there’s different kinds of Skate boards and stuff just like anything else. This one’s not made for tricks as much as actually using it to get back and forth.

I’m actually in a decent mood when I get to Santa Monica high school and start to head up the steps getting lost in the crowd of students so far so good just some random guy.

I really hope it stays that way.

Charlie…

Chapter 2

The secretary looks long and hard at me and the letter I gave her from my dad and our lawyers and my doctors saying basically my needs and stuff. I stare back at her from behind my hair and sunglasses. I can almost feel that you’re a freak stare coming off from her.

Dad was worried about this being an issue, about people finding out about me but y’know that’s the way things happen. If I tried to come in all stealth and stuff I’d just get found out. I honestly don’t see Libby not being a self serving or vindictive little so and so if I ticked her off in the least.

This way I at least control when I’m coming out. And it’s right now. She’s looking at me until I say. “Excuse me; I think that has to go to the guidance office.”

“I know where it has to go to young lady.”

“What did you just call me?”

“I called you young lady, there’s nothing wrong with that it’s what you are. It’s the way god made you.”

I give her a nasty smile but keep my finger on the recording button on my phone. I walk over to one of the phones on the counter. “555-0999 that’s the number for the district school board right?” She grabs at the phone saying “Give me that over and over in her nasally pitched voice. Some guy comes out and she stops.

“Is there a problem Mrs. Sullivan?” He asks dress shirt, tie, slacks but a real big sic foot four black guy with salt and pepper hair.

“Yes this young lady here is causing a disturbance; I was just trying to keep her from causing anymore trouble than she already is.” She gives me this so there look.

He looks at me. I stare back at him. “I was calling the school board. This woman’s seen fit to walk all over my civil rights.”

“And you are?”

“You first.” He gives me this long look.

“So I take it your name is Charlie then?”

“That’s right and I had a letter for the principal but she’s impeding him getting it and insulting me and breaking the law.”
“I’m Principal West, and how was she breaking the law?”

I play back what she said to me on speaker as I take the phone out of my pocket. I look at him squarely but I talk just loud enough for everyone in the office to hear me.

“I’m a transgendered male; I’ve a letter saying that I’m male and that I’m in transition into becoming my right gender. She’s read this letter that she’s still holding and coming at me with her religious views that don’t have a place in the public school system.”

He looks at me then he looks at her and she’s gone pale and yet still giving me the evil eye. Which he notices and squashes with a very pointed cough. He takes the letter from her and picks of the phone. “Mrs. Kennedy your nine o clock is here to see you.” Then he looks at me. “I’ll have a world with the secretary; will you be filing some kind of formal complaint?”

“No, believe me sir the last thing I really wanted was all this drama but as long as she doesn’t do anything like this again I’m willing to forget that this ever happened.”

“And the recording on your cell phone?”

“Just a prudent reminder, I guess that maybe policy and a students rights would be respected.”

“So you’re not willing to erase it?”

“Sir, if this was something done to you would you?”

“Alright then but I’ll have to talk this over with our legal representative.”

I shrug. “If you have to, you have to.” I see a really nice looking blonde woman in her thirties with glasses come in and look around. “Is there a Charlie here?” I say. “Right here ma’am.” She smiles and gives me a wave to follow. “Come with me young man and we’ll see about getting your classes sorted.”

***

Getting my class schedule was pretty easy, Honors Math and English, Chemistry and Physics, Auto shop, Metal working, and Gym.

Gym was a bit of a hassle as she was really trying to dissuade me from taking it with the other guy. “Look Charlie if you’re sure I can’t stop you but you’re still in transition and you’re going to be an open target for these guys who’ll want to put you into whatever place they think you belong in.”

“I’m going to get that anyway Mrs. Kennedy, if it’s all out now then the sooner that everyone gets used to me and I become old news.”

“I’m just worried about you like all my students. I’m just trying to head off what I see coming. That and save myself a whole lot of work.”

I can’t help but give a wry smile at that. She actually makes us both a coffee while we talk about what happened out in the office and how it’s be all over school. I get a call from out lawyer and end up sending him the sound file.

***
It’s lunch by the time I’m done everything and I’m getting stared at as I walk through the halls. There’s this wave of semi quiet that forms ahead of me as people see me and notice me and they stare and there’s the looks of just staring, some finding me funny, and being as much a freak something to laugh at. Other give me looks of disgust whether from their actual thoughts or peer pressure beliefs. And others shoot me looks of hate. The one’s almost as bad are the distain from the gay guys like I’m some plague and the mixed looks of interest and/or hate from the lesbian crowds.

As I pass the whispers start and go into conversation about me as I get further away from them. My brother nods at me from a distance with a bunch of guys he’s talking with no doubt making fun of his stupid little sister who thinks she can be a guy. He never says it at home but he’s dismissive of the whole thing I’m feeling because you can’t…I can’t ever really be a guy. He’s laughing and so are they, he gets pats on the shoulder from them as they take off somewhere.

Libby passes me in the halls and she’s got a bit of red around her eyes like she’s been crying but fixed her make up. I almost go to see if everything’s okay but the look she just gives me is making me think I’ll lock my room door tonight.

I get mutters, murmurs and even a few outright comments of dyke, fag, freak and other stuff. The teachers have been told and I’m getting watched like a hawk in the cafeteria in case of trouble. There’s a lot of stares and avoiding me and I get a plate of fries and what passes for a burger here and end up getting one of the further away tables and sit alone. Even the freaks and geeks look unsure of me.

I just started trying to gnaw through my burger when a bunch of students are getting up to come over to me. They’re too fake cool and punk and trendy to fit together but they fit together. I know this bunch, it’s the student LGBT group looking for their latest poster child or cause. It’d either be them or the holt rollers. I give them this look of contempt that I usually reserve for useless people like PETA. I stare at them hard, their spokes people are a pseudo-gothling and a sweater vest over preppy flamer. I don’t see anyone real in the whole group of them, and they act like being the way we are’s a fashion statement. Your favorite cause to be the accessory to your look.

I hate California, I hate fake people.

This is going to be a long day.

Charlie…3

Chapter 3

Oh yay they’re still coming over.

I grab my burger again and stuff a lot of it into my mouth. I’m not a pig, but I can be. One of the easiest unladylike things I can do is to take this big ole chomping bite of something I’m eating and be as messy as possible. There’s ketchup on my face and dripping out my burger.

Goth fake lesbian girl looks at me with that trademark been there done that slightly amused expression that she’s likely practiced in her mirror…oh yeah you’re bored, you’re cool. I’m not really liking the piece of T&A look she’s giving me.

Well at least Sweater vest waay-too-gay is looking a bit queasy. They come right up and She’s leaning sort of over the table and kind of flashing me her cleavage. Not that I mind, she’s a pretty girl it’s just she’s fishing in the wrong pond.

“Hey, You’re Charlie right.” she kind of does that trying to sound sultry thing. I nod, blatantly stare at her chest and not her face and offer a greasy ketchupy hand to Sweaters…yeah he just got a nick name. He visibly blanches.

“Yup, I’m Charlie.”

“I’m Yvonne.”

“Okay.”

Sweaters pipes up. “I’m Simon.”

“Uh huh.”

Yvonne looks at me and I look back to her cleavage. Yes I know I’m being an asshole, but I’ve learned the surest way to detract from being the focus of L. attention is to really act like a guy. I notice her posture change and she leans back fro the table and crosses her arms over her breasts. Not getting her way she launches into her spiel.

“Look, Charlie we just came over to let you know that you’re not alone here. That you’ve got people here at school that are going through some of the same things that you are and your experiences and who you are would be a great help to the Student LGBT group.”

“You have any Transgendered people in your group?”

“Umm.”

“That’d be a no.” I hit her with my best…You suck, stop wasting my air look. Goths, they really aren’t used to getting disdain from others especially a little faker like Yvonne. I turn that look on Sweaters. He gets that gay-boy bitchy look.

“Well, you’d be our first. You’re not being real friendly are you.”

“You’re not really being honest are you?” I counter back. “Look thanks but no thanks, I’ve got no desire to be your poster child for look at us we’re politically correct freaks. You don’t really know me or want to really. You just want me there to add to your “look” and so that if people sat shit you can get on your high fucking horses.”

I take a drink and glare. “I don’t want your help, I don’t need your help so just go away.”

Both have this shocked like they’ve been slapped look and Sweaters turns away and girly stomps away with this “Well…I never!” and Yvonne tries to act bitchy cool and glide away non-chalantly but still says. “Bitch.” I smile and take some fries to eat. “That’s exactly my point Yvonne.” She stomps away looking pissed and goes over to their table and there’s a lot of talking and bitching even if I can’t hear what they’re saying they’re sending me dirty looks.

Of course this has a lot of others buzzing and blabbing and I just ignore all of them and eat my lunch.

Libby shoots me glares from where she’s sitting with her little junior prep-squad types.

I eat fast not really caring how it looks and head to the john. I see a teacher move to stop me but he get’s stopped by another one. Stuff’s said he looks like he really doesn’t agree with it and two of the female teachers look like they’re gonna lose it and are getting talked to by the guidance councilor.

I’m followed in by a few guys who make busy but are really here to be the usual idiots. I take a stall and do my thing. I frown, even swear a little as I’m wiping, I hate this. I fucking really hate this.

I get out of the stall and go and wash my hands and they’re looking at me. I look at them sort of sidelong glance like.

“I never wanted this. I didn’t. I’m supposed to be like you guys. I my head I’m like you guys only I got stuck like this. I’m not a fag, I’m not a dyke I’m just seriously fucked up.”

There’s some uncomfortable looks and mutters, some one says “Whatever freak.” I look at him and glare. Then walk out, adjusting my prosthetic me.

I spend the rest of lunch outside walking around and checking the school campus out ignoring the times I’m pointed at or stared at and I check out the escape routes and see at least one redeeming feature of a skate park area just across the street from one of the side parking lots and a bunch of kids there.

I stayed and watched there until it was time to go back to classes. Aside from a few looks and curious stares I’m pretty much blissfully left alone.

I actually like school and my classes for the most part. I don’t have to act like a dumb girl, being blonde’s another thing I had chick issues with. I hated being treated like that as much as being treated like a girl.

Auto-shop actually rocked. There were guys there just more interested in the cars and stuff we were going to be working on than what I was and we were going to have two cars to restore this year both to get auctioned off for charity. It was awkward for like five minutes then it was all car talk and I could suddenly breathe.

The teacher Mr. Stevens is pretty cool and he yelled a lot but that was once we got to cleaning and chopping up, tearing down the first car he was playing rock music in the shop. And he wasn’t the least bit awkward around me.

It made the day suck a whole lot less.

Even Gym class wasn’t that bad. The Coach didn’t seem to care that I’m taking it with the other guys. It was the other guys that had a problem. We ended up playing baseball and the guys keep pushing me, keep trying to out tough me. I get beaned by two pitches that class and I hate walking to a base. So I steal two bases to repay the favor, I even dive front first to make it safely to third base once. Hurt, yeah even with the bra and bandages I still felt it. Honestly I don’t care, I’d be happy if they got ripped off.

I hate the way that I run, I hate it. I hate the swivel my hips have and the way even my skin moves and feels sometimes. Yeah it’s not just breasts and butt that jiggle as a female…there’s that soft skin layer of fat that keeps them soft. I swear, I swear sometimes when my skin does move, feel right I feel slimy under my skin.

It hurts and makes me angry enough that I put all of it into running bases, out doing plays in the outfield or hitting the ball. I’m actually great at baseball really, lot’s of time at the batting cages. I’m even a decent pitcher, dad’s played a lot of catch with me at times. When I was little I was pretty good in little league.

Showering in the coaches office sucked. But showering anytime sucks for me. The rest was just the typical class stuff and getting outside there was of course the lovely I’m going to beat your ass you freak welcoming committee blocking me and my skateboard with their cars.

Charlie…4

Chapter 4

I look at them there’s about fifteen of them and about nine of them are guys. I don’t really look at them. There’s two that look like the want to hurt me. No, it’s the six girls I’m watching. They’re the ones with the pissed beyond pissed look to their faces. It’s the same thing really in most places. Most of these guys are the boyfriends here because they have to; they really don’t want much to do with beating on “a girl”.

One of the girls says something to one of the thug guys and he get’s this look like someone just turned the lights on in his empty fucking head. “Hey Cunt! where’d you think You’re going.”

“Nowhere really.” I just walk a few feet and take a seat on top of one of the picnic tables that they’ve got close to the student parking. I don’t run, but as pissed as I am at the bullshit I don’t show it and I sit. If they want me then they’re going to really jump me. Me being non-chalant is fucking with their heads. But me just treating them like they’re not something to get worried about is throwing off their entire game plan.

I take out one of the books for class and start to look it over. I take out my sunglasses and put them on so they can’t see me watching them.

I can see them mulling it over a bit then the thug stomps over with two of his buddies and he stops right in front of me. “Hey!” I respond by setting my book aside and lighting a smoke. “I said Hey!”

“Good for you, so?”

“So what?”

“So what do you three want? I’m not gay so forget it I don’t date guys.”

“Huh? Wha… oh you are some kind of sick freak.”

He goes to shove me. I let him and roll backwards over the table with it. The other two move and try a run around to get me but I do what they don’t expect I come right over the table at the guy who shoved me and tackle him to the ground. He didn’t expect it either and goes down with me on top of him. I grab him by the hair in on hand and take my smoke in the other and put it right in front of his eye.

“Don’t make me move, it’ll bubble and pop like a boiled grape asshole.”

His two friends try to run up to grab me. “I can put this in there by the time you even try assholes.”

The guy I’m on is yelling. “Don’t, don’t oh Jesus fuck don’t…” he’s crying. Actually by the smell he’s not just crying but he’s pissing himself.

I look around. “You are a bunch of pathetic losers. Don’t you think that I’ve been through all this shit before? No of course not because you’re all too busy listening to the hate of a bunch of people who don’t like me because I’m fucking different. You think I like being different? No! And I just want to get through this shit that I have to live with, but oh fuck no I have to put up with this bullshit! Yeah, you’re all thinking I’m nuts well I wonder why.”

One of the guys that didn’t come over says. “Alright! Alright fuck, we’ll leave you the fuck alone but just let Trevor up.” His girlfriend looks pissed at him but they all look frightened of me and what I might actually do.

“Tell frick and frack to clear off first.”

“Johnny, Tony move back away from…him…” They do moving back to the cars and glare at me. “Okay….Charlie…are you satisfied?”

“Yeah, Trevor…never again right? You fuck with me again and I won’t be the only one who’s forced to sit to take a piss got it?”

“Uh-huh! Y..Y..Yeah, I got it Charlie, anything you say Charlie.”

I stick my smoke back in my mouth. “Anything I say huh? Okay so point out the scunt that started this little welcome wagon for me. I know it was one of the girls Trevor, It’s always them.”

He sits up and is pointing at this blonde chick with a nice set of breasts and dressed in expensive or at least trendy looking stuff. Her expression is one of fear and anger and betrayal and more fear as there’s an edging away from her of her so called friends.

“Good to know Trevor.” I stare right at her. I offer him a hand up. He stares at it bore taking it and he’s looking me in the eyes. I hard stare him and lean down and grab his wrist and lean back and one arm yank him to his feet. I’m pretty strong, but he’s going with it. I’m not that strong but strong enough for them to notice that. “No hard feelings, It just came down to you and me Trevor and I’m fucking nuts.”

“Yeah I noticed.” He moves off ditching everyone because well that’s what you do with wet pants.

I look at them and they’re leaving and I still stare at her again and lower my sunglasses. She blanches. She never really thought this out, they never do. No it was her idea to get the freak and I’ve likely offended her six ways till Sunday without even…well I haven’t met her or even talked to her but she’s looks like one of those types. Preppy social climber with just enough bible studies tossed in to make her think she’s better than everyone else. I smile at her.

They’re all leaving and she’s hiding behind what must be her boyfriend and he honestly looks like he’s got no idea what to do. Why? Because none of them actually see me as a guy. They have no clue how to deal with someone like me.

I watch them all go. Smoke my cigarette. Put my book away.

Would I have done it?

Probably not. I’m angry but I’m not a psycho. If it had gone badly then I’d have put it out between his eyes and maybe the improvised bindi would show Trevor some much needed divine insight but I’m kinda glad things turned out the way that they did. Nobody seriously hurt…i.e. Me, and they think I’m nuts. I’m not but having them think so is a pretty good defense.

I drop my board and head home keeping a wary eye out for more shitheads or drive by acts of moronitude. I’m lucky and there’s none just a cop giving me the skater-Punk fish eye look like my skateboard automatically qualifies me for hooligan.

I pull into the driveway and head inside. I crinkle my nose at the smells of paint and varnish drying. We’re settling in but mom, who’s actually my step-mother wanted to fix a bunch of stuff in the house before we really got unpacked. I go up to my room and get changed into something a bit less heavy and dump the books off on my bed and slip downstairs and help Dad with the back deck.

It’s soothing as soon as my hands get onto the tools as dad passes me a pry bar and we start ripping up the deck. It’s pretty rotten in places and it’s a great way for me to get dirty and work up a sweat. “So how was school?” he asks.

“About the way I expected it to go.”

“Nice scrape on your knee, how’d that happen?”

“Oh.” I look at it, adrenaline. I never noticed doing it. “Scraped it going over a picnic table.”

“Fight or skateboard?”

“Fight.”

“Uh-huh, so are we getting a phone call from the school?”

“Not that I can tell. There wasn’t any faculty around when the welcome wagon showed up.” Dad gets me a root beer and himself one. He makes his own homemade stuff and honestly I’m spoiled because it’s better that anything you can get in the stores.

“Huh, funny how that happened.” It wasn’t a question. Dad’s a semi-professional smart ass. Now you know where I get my attitude from. It’s also why I’m here and not my brother. The best thing about my coming clean about who I need to be is the fact that Dad freely acknowledges the fact that out of all us kids I’m the one most like him.

We tear up the deck and we dig out the area and then end up building this retaining wall out of 4X4 stud posts and the good lumber from the deck and then we fill up the entire thing with gravel then sand that dad had dropped off while I was in school. It’s all done by wheel barrow and we take turns so we both don’t get too tired. It takes us until about seven at night and by the time we’re done we’ve got a deck that’s solid. The top six inches are home mixed cement and we’ve placed big flat chunks of beach stones on it to make up the walking surface.

Tomorrow it’ll be dried and then we’ll put up the railing and stuff fastening it to the posts and the retaining wall and then cover the wood up with cement and stacked stone. The thing should last a few years.

We talked as we worked and I know and he knows that he shouldn’t encourage me but he’s still laughing anyway as I go over the day and this afternoon.

We head into the house and Mom has supper ready fish tacos, which go over pretty good in our house except of course for Libby who had to just have her little salad and her sashimi plate, because she’s not going to eat all that fried stuff.

She’s almost fourteen and she’s wigging out about getting fat. She gives me dirty looks all through supper but doesn’t say anything or at least not to me. Like I said she thinks that I’m doing this all on purpose and the purpose is to according to her to ruin my life.

I slip upstairs stuffed to the gills…pun intended. And I start going through my stuff putting more of it away and then getting the tools to set up my free weights and my bowflex, speed bag and heavy bag. I hit the books then and do up my school work before hitting the work out gear listening to Metallica’s “Saint Anger, Fuel, and Battery.” Then it’s “I stand Alone, Cryin’ like a Bitch.” By Godsmack I just get lost into the metal as I work myself into a sweat on the weights then the heavy bag. I’m panting and I kill the lights in my room as I pant, breathe and cool down by just letting myself dance to their song “Serenity.”

I hit the shower after that and as hard as I try I can’t wash the girl off me and the water still runs off me wrong and as tired as I am it still hurts. I pull on my track pants and my not real “me” and two heavy t-shirts and try to sleep. It still takes me twenty minutes…

I really hate my dreams.

Charlie…5

Chapter 5

My alarm on my computer wakes me up. I roll over as the screen flickers to life and I see the surf report. Sex, gender stuff be damned I actually smile and jump out of bed and grab what I need, my padded self, ace bandage and then jumped into my wet suit and jogged out grabbing my board and went down to the beach.

I’m not the only one there. It’s nice out but there’s a good wind coming right up the coast mixing in with air streams from the pacific and there’s eight foot swells out right now and everything just goes away as I hit the water at a bit of a run and start paddling out, I love the whole thing.

The smell of the salt water.

The feel of my board, my hands slicing through the water. The duck-dive….all that weight of the wave I’m cutting through, the pressure the movement…I feel it slough off the stress and bullshit. I’m just me out here.

I’m by myself even if there’s a lot of other surfers out here with me. It’s one of those Zen things. If you’ve even surfed, hell if you’ve just let the swells of the ocean lift you up and down you can get this. I mean I’m not a church person but to be sitting on my board waiting for the wave…I can feel the world breathing, it’s like you can feel God breathing…there’s just something so powerful and magical about it.

I surf, I catch about nine swells before the sun’s getting to that point where I should get back and get ready for school. I catch one last wave in just easy riding soul surfing as they call it, that easy glide with the wave.

That’s when I see her, tall and long legged that surfer classic California girl. Five foot eight or so long golden blonde hair that’s wet and these long legs and curvy hips and these really great breasts.

Yes, I’m a guy and I look at her that way.

Actually I don’t think I could’ve helped it even if I wanted to. She was one of those girls…you know the ones. Just really that beautiful that you just can’t help but to look. Just can’t help but to go “Oh…”

And she surfs, and she’s pretty good too.

I have such a hard on right now.

Yeah, That’s kind of what I call it. I hate calling it the other stuff, I hate the squishy feeling…but I’m already wet, I’m still at that point where she’s still spellbinding enough to distract me from my shit.

I didn’t even know I was following her until I got to the taps and she started rinsing off…Oh…

She looks over and smiles at me. “Hey…” Oh a voice soft and sexy. “Great waves huh.”

“Y..yeah…I’m still new to the beach I just moved here.”

“Figured, seen you out here the other day. Nice moves, so where you from?”

“A lot of places, my Dad’s one of those guys that works for the city doing engineering stuff and trouble shooting. But I’m from New Jersey originally.”

“New Jersey, like the Jersey shore?”

“Oh hell’s no, I’m so not anything like any of them. Most people from Jersey aren’t like that or the Sopranos either. Or the karate kid.”

“Karate kid? Wasn’t that with Will Smith’s kid?”

“Yeah but that was a re-make, the real one was a long time ago. Y’know wax on, wax off?”

She looked at me and burst out giggling. “You talk about waxing off with every girl you meet.”

I can’t help but to blush, I friggin walked right into that one.

“I…Uhm…No…”

“Tell you what…?” She prompts me.

“Oh, Charlie, Charlie Daniels.”

“I’m Sable, Sable St. James.”

“Well I…It’s really nice to meet you Sable.”

“It’s nice to meet you too Charlie, but like I was saying….” She draws that out to make sure I get it. I blush again thump my head into my board. “Sorry.”

She bubbles out a small laugh, her hand goes to her mouth. “You’re kind cute, you buy me a hot chocolate and you’re forgiven.”

“Okay…”

I got her to laugh and she’s got such a nice smile. I beat my head against my surfboard a bit more. “Sable?”

“Yeah Charlie?” She’s slipping into yoga pants and a pink t-shirt. Oh…breathe Charlie breathe…

“I’m not like other guys.”

“Well, that’s good I kind like guy’s that are a little different.”

“Well right now…I’m only a guy in here.” I tap my head.

“You’re Transgendered? FTM?”

“Yeah…” I kind of look at her through my hair, my head still pressed to my board.

“Like I said I like a guy that’s different.” She steps over and kisses me lightly on the cheek and puts a hand on my chest. “You a guy here too?”

I nod mouth dry.

“Then you’re really a guy Charlie, C’mon.”

Sable pulls on my hand and I grab my board and we stop at this food truck nearby that makes money off the surf crowd. I keep a few bucks in a zip pocket and a plastic baggy in my sleeve and get us both a hot chocolate and a waffle taco (Ham and Serrano peppers and eggs with onions and cheese wrapped in a fresh waffle.) and we eat and drink I can’t help but smile a bit and she’s smiling too.

“Charlie?”

“Yeah…mmph.” I try to negotiate around the mouthful of food.

“I’m not exactly a normal girl either.”

“You’re a Trans girl?”

“No, but I know some.”

“You’re a Martian?”

“No…stop it! I’m trying to be serious.” But I made her smile again and she’s smacking me, not like a girlfriend but In that way that a girl hit’s a guy.

“You’re a Republican?”

“Ughh! Eeew, No!” She does that cute girly freaked and grossed out bit…dance. “Charlie…!”

“What? C’mon Sable what’s the big deal, You’re a real girl, you’re not from another planet, you’re not from outer space so what are you gay?”

“I’m Bi but that’s not it.”

“Well?”

“I’m a porn star.”

“…………………………”

Charlie…6

Chapter 6

I stopped and stared at her my head just really hadn’t put that in the multiple choice box I had going in my brain.

“…………………. You’re a porn star?” and my brain kind of just slips into neutral.

“Charlie?” Sable’s looking at me expectantly but not like she wasn’t expecting some king or reaction.

“Uhm…yeah well whoa, that definitely not like every other girl.” I’m looking at her and god it even sounds bad in my head but…I can see it. Sable is just smoking hot.

“Thanks but I’d like to think me getting really set apart from the other girls isn’t because of that but…I mean you were cool and honest with me so I figured that you deserved the same.”

“Well I new from the start that you weren’t like other girls.”

“How’s that?”

“You surf; girl surfers are still a major minority.”

“Hey I know lots of girls that like surfing.”

“Yeah but how many are like you and stuck with it to the point of they were actually good at it.”

“Around here?”

“Around here looking like you do.”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?” She’s giving me that kinda pissed look girls get.

“Hey…Hey nothing back it’s just a lot of the girls as (hot…self edit.) As beautiful as you are the whole modeling and lay out on the beach tanning types.”

“I’m not some orange county vain little princess there Jersey boy.”

“I wouldn’t know I just kinda got here, Cali is still pretty much new to me and hopefully my last move for a long while.”

“Moved around a lot?”

“Yeah too much but this, this is heaven compared to some places I’ve lived. Transgendered life isn’t something that they relish with open arms in Wyoming.”

“Well likely here too, we’ve got our own bunch of conservative assholes. I’ve lost count at the number of times people have informed me that…”I need ta be saaaaved.” Sable but on this really funny, sort of southern televangelist accent on at that last part and I can’t help but laugh. She steps up and gives me a one armed hug the other being busy holding her board. “Thanks Charlie, I’ve gotta go and get ready for school, I’ll see you there?”

“Yeah…this was nice Sable.”

“Yeah it was thanks Charlie.” And before she leaves she gives me a light kiss. I just stand there watching her go and get in her jeep and drive away but she waved at me before she left.”

I’m so crushing right now.

My little man in the boat is standing up and screaming angry as Captain Ahab.

I walk home in a great mood and put up my board, kiss my step mom on the cheek, punch Dad in the arm and steal his coffee and head upstairs to my room. Dad looks at me. “You’re in a good mood.”

“I met a girl!” I say as I go in my room and close and lock the door.

I’m actually that kind of hyped up that I don’t really think about all the stuff I hate and gets me in that funk about my body and I go to my computer and I look up Sable St. James.

Oh…she’s eighteen but started early and not here in the states but from the footage someplace tropical and she does regular porn but all the girl on girl stuff and the interracial stuff and I can’t help but to watch some of the clips about her and some of her stuff and she’s so hot…

I get into the shower and as hot as I am I reach down and slip my middle two fingers into myself with a hiss and a grunt and catch my rock hard little fellow between my two fingers and it’s not so much as fingering myself because I don’t really let go of my clit/my little fellow and I pull and tug with that motion though and my head full of those images of Sable I jerk myself off.

My eyes closed and that tugging feeling and somewhere in my head I stop being a girl and I cum, shoot my load…squirt in my hand. I do it until I have to plant my feet wider and not get all weak knee’d from the effort.

The only thing it’s good being XX is that I get to have multiple orgasms. I dry off and go through my rituals of getting dressed adding one of the maxi pads because I know I’m going to be all turned on and stuff today just thinking about Sable.

I lotion up, but not in the whole chick way. Mostly sunscreen with a decent scent to it a really light coconut and Shea butter stuff but I add in my own stuff too for a body scent. I actually find a bit of BOSS in motion blends in well. I mix the two and it’s just sort of lightly there on me and mixed in never too strong and stuff.

I dress a bit better actually, bound down with my flattener sports bra thing then my boxer briefs and my prosthetic. I toss on a muscle shirt over the flattener and I put on a decent skater sweater all black but not all ripped to bits and stuff and one of my bigger Bon-Jovi T-shirts in white and a decent pair of black combat pants and my sneakers.

I grab my books and my board and my wallet with the belt chain and my leather jacket and head downstairs.

Dad’s got himself another cup of coffee. “You met a girl?”

“Yeah, Sable we were surfing and ended up having breakfast together.”

“She know your situation?”

“Yup, and she’s good with it.” I can’t help but grin as I dig out stuff from the fridge and cupboards for my lunch.

“She’s probably some Dyke.” Libby spits almost as she comes into the kitchen/dining room area. God if you could see her…she’s dress like pure sheeple. I honestly don’t think she doesn’t own anything that isn’t high end label, and I can taste…taste her perfume. Yeah I’m older and she’s the youngest out of the three of us but it still doesn’t mean you go and take a bath in the stuff.

“Well, actually she’s Bi, but she see’s nothing wrong with me being a regular guy with a few medical issues.”

My sister actually visibly shudders. “Just keep the hell away from me Charlotte, and try not to be that big of a freak that you ruin my life.”

Dad coughs pointedly. “Libby, we talked about this.”

“I know and I don’t care what the shrinks say, or you or anyone. I fucking hate this and I hate Charlie too. Just leave me alone!”

I ignore her because honestly I’m used to it and I’m having a good day. Besides I’m cutting her some slack because she did lose her big sister or at least in her eyes and add that into her going through puberty she’s becoming a hormonal teenaged girl. She’s not exactly sane in my opinion.

I’m only partly joking about that. Female puberty scared the hell out of me for more than the hell my body was starting to go through but when I was younger I seen some of the girls that I used to hang out with and there wasn’t a lot of differences between the girls then and the boys…yeah some but for the most part pre-teen/tween girls do a lot of the same stuff as the boys did.

Then they started to change and it was like they were becoming really different people than they used to be.

When I was younger, that was really freaking me out and scaring me.

I make a couple of sandwiches stuff that I like. toasted multigrain bread with mayo mixed with chipotle pepper sauce and lots of lettuce and a thin slice of onion and some tomato along with lot’s of deli sliced corned beef and a bit of mustard and vegemite paste…that’s this actually really different kind of spread that has this strong kinda malty yeasty taste and stuff. It’s from Australia and is this yeast extract kind of thing.

With the corned beef and the deli mustard and the onion it’s like eating this beer and a Rueben kind of thing. An uncle sent it to us once on a trip and I like it. So I get mine online.

Me and my Stepmom are the only ones in the house who’ll touch it.

I grab a couple of granny smith apples and peel them and slice them into a Tupperware dish before adding some fresh black pepper and some grated parmesan cheese. I like it that way.

I hug and kiss both of them and grab a can of mountain dew and guzzle most of it as I hop on my skateboard and take off to school.

I actually am having a better morning as I get to school and go to my classes. I’m getting looks as usual because well I’m still new here and a few mouthed and whispered from a distance comments from the usual types. Like I said it’s usually the girls and a few of the guys.

I ignore it for the most part, eventually they’ll find a new target or something or they’ll just get used to me.

I actually drop a bit of the attitude now that I’m more or less out and stuff but I keep my guard up. I even open a few doors for some of the girls and get stared at with that kind of really weirded out “Uhm thanks…” but some of them move away from me and just stare at me like they’ll catch some kind of stigma or something and if there two doors they’ll take the other one.
One of the female teachers was kind of cool about it and gave me a smile and an open thank you.

I see Sable at the mid-morning break. I guess that’d be the break after second period. Recess if you’re in the younger grades.

I walk over to where she’s at in the caf —line and she smiles when she see’s me come over. “Hey Charlie.”

“Hey back. I’m sorry I didn’t get to see you when I got in this morning.”

“That’s okay.” She shrugs and we both get a coffee and walk to our lockers and mine’s got a few notes and stuff in there the usual kind of crap that I’m used to getting like. Dyke, Freak, Why don’t you just die, and stuff like that. Sable looks them over shaking her head.

“I can’t believe the assholes that seem to just crawl out of the wood work when someone’s different. It’s not like you’re asking them to live your life.”

“Nope but this is the start. They might get physical but I doubt it.”

“Oh yeah heard about that, they think you’re nuts. They’re blaming it on you not being able to handle the male hormones.”

“Oh, I’m not on them yet. I’m still waiting for the go ahead and scripts from my new doctors here.”

I open my locker and so far I’m lucky they haven’t started to put stuff in there. I take out a roll of wide clear packing tape and tape up all the holes in my locker get the books I need and then lock it back up. I take each one of the notes and the tape and pretty much laminate them to the outside of my locker…where anyone walking by can read the hate they’ve written. There’s a lot of girl’s handwriting in most of them.

“Charlie…what are you doing?”

“This tape’s clear enough to read through and it’s a bitch to get off. I could take all these down to the office and go through all the song and dance that they did before in my other schools and nobody really gets to see that their school is a lovely little place full of more hatemongering little fuckers than they’d like to admit to.”

I smile at Sable. “This way everyone will get to see this and they’ll all have to face it. And someone might get their handwriting recognized too.”

She’s grinning. “They’ll never allow you to keep those up.”

I take a picture when I’m done with the camera on my cell-phone. “Well they’ll have to fight that out with my lawyer. I’m leasing the locker so it’s sort of not school property and since it’s written word I can use the whole free speech argument with the whole thing of I’ll take them down when they do something about it.”

“You’ve got balls Mr. Daniels I’ll give you that. I’ve got to get going to class though.”

“I’ll walk you.”

“Sure, that’d be nice.”

“Carry your book bag?”

“Thank you.” She smiles and kisses me on the cheek and I take her backpack and sling it over my shoulder and walk her to her next class. There’s a few more murmurs and mutters but not just about me but little digs about Sable. I turn and look at a few of them just getting some faces to the murmurs and stuff.

“We’ve got a lot of the same fan club.”

“Yeah we must be special.”

“Yeah, sorry Charlie you really don’t need a double dose of this. They’re not going to lay off. They really have it out for me.”

“Hey…” I stop her just outside of the classroom that she’s got next. “You don’t deserve the crap that you’re getting from these fuck-wits, nobody does. And even if things get a little rougher because they’re getting all bent out of shape about us just being together like this then to hell with them because you’re worth it.”

“Charlie, you don’t even really know me, you don’t know the things I’ve done.”

“And I don’t care either. I’d be a poor example of a man if I pulled back from someone that I liked because I found or things about them. I speak pretty good English and I know the difference between now and then.”

“God thanks Charlie….” She gives me this really big hug that has he yummy upper bits pushing into me. Then the bell rings. I stop her and give her a light kiss on her lips making her eyes widen.

“I’ll see you at lunch?”

She nods and she’s staring at me with a bit of a smile and biting her lip at the same time as she sort of walks in reverse into her class. Normal, sort of quirky shy really works on her…I mean she’s a dropdead gorgeous knock out but to see her reacting like that just…

Yeah…..

Charlie…7

It was really nice to have somebody to think of and keep my mind out of that obsessive self ass-kicking that I’ve been giving myself. Sable was a nice distraction from the usual. History was well…boring and kind of retarded from the little bit that I learned of it. I was actually thinking about the abuse that Sable must have been getting with everyone knowing that she was into porn.

On my way to the last class of the day and someone was being a wise ass and called me “Chaz.”

I’m so not Chaz Bono’s biggest fan. I fact I honestly can’t stand his bullshit he’s hurt the image of Trans guys a lot in his quest for approval. His fifteen minutes of fame should have been long gone. Now he’s back in with that dancing with the stars crap and the rest of us Trans-guys have to put up with being compared to him. People are idiots.

Yeah I have an attitude about him. His story isn’t so much as a tragic rising from the ashes as this great big ….Waaa! Pity me party. He gets it honestly though Cher is one of the biggest attention whores too.

I could’ve decked the kid if I could have found him in the whole sea of people. Migrating between the halls and stuff for the last class of the day. Mine is gym and I head off and go get changed. I won the right to get changed with the rest of the guys before I even got here. I had to sign a shit ton of wavers and stuff and there was a lot of people still unhappy about it. actually three guys that looked like part of the holy roller types were boycotting class because of me. The other day was the last time I was going to shower and change in the coaches office, I might have reconsidered and used his office but these guys just hit that spot of me that’s going to do this in spite of them. I start to go past them and they get in my way again. I step back, I never take the first swing. I’ve learned that much from before.

One of them looks at me and says. “You’re going to hell you know, you’re making a mockery of God’s work and you disrobing in from of the men is proof of your fornicating lifestyle.”

I look at him and his two friends. “Well we’ll be going there together then because I’m pretty sure that you boys all have the same daddy. Why don’t you and your chosen flock head back up there to them hills and go back to buggering each other.”

The mouthy one shoves at me and I grab his fingers and bend them backwards and twist his wrist. He howls in pain and drops to his knees the other two look ready to jump in when there’s this quiet voice. “No, don’t think so boys.” I turn and look to see who talked and there’s this big son of a bitch standing there just behind me and he looks at me.

“You’re Charlie right?”

“Yeah.”

“You want to let Lance go before you break his wrist or he shits his pants?”

“Heh..heh..sure, besides I really don’t need another assault charge on my sheet.” I don’t have a record but these yabbos don’t know that.

The big guy extends a hand after I let Lance go. We shake as the three holy rollers leave heading likely for their worshippers of Fred Phelps circle jerk or whatever.

“I’m Keith.” He says as we’re shaking hands.

“Cool you in this class too?”

“Yeah let’s go get geared up.”

We head into the changing room and all the eyes of the guys are on me. I shake my head and take out my stuff and start stripping down. I’m wearing my compression top and bower briefs and my prosthetic and their really staring.

“Hey Chuck! Show us your tits!” one of them calls from the back.

“Why? I’m getting rid of mine and the rate you guys are going you’ll have better tits anyway!”

I holler back good naturedly. I try to keep it light and banter like and get a few more looks from some of the girls when I come out. Compression top under a thin tee-shirt and a Chicago bull’s vented jersey over that and basketball trunks.

The girls have their own gym things going on and I’ll admit that I’m as guilty as the rest of the guys when the girls are running or jumping and stuff. I love the way that they shimmy and sway and bounce. Feels sick and wrong and really weird when I do it/used to do it.

We’re doing laps and I’m in voyeur mode when one of the guys jogs up to me and keeps pace a bit. “You don’t run like a girl.”

“Yeah, no duh I’m not one.”

“I thought it was a body thing like they have to run like that.”

“Nope, I mean there’s some with the boobs and the butt like that hawt Mexi-girl there or the two blondes running together when you’re built like that but you ever see women pro runners and stuff?”

“Naw dude…whoa…”

“What?”

“It’s just talking to you is like talking to a dude, dude.” I really can help but to laugh at that. “Dude I am a dude I was just born in the wrong body.”

“Dude that sucks.”

“Oh like ever, it’s not like I’m saying that being a girl’s a wrong thing but It’s not supposed to be my thing. It’s like somewhere up in heaven someone made a really big screw up.”

“Yeah I’d say dude, here your like soul was like expecting a Bronco or a Cuda, or like a kick ass Impala and bam they stick you with the friggin pink Volkswagen.”

I really can’t help but laugh. I look at the guy and he’s sort of this tall way too blonde guy just this side of skinny with a skater boy toque on his head and this almost Zen look. “I’m Charlie by the way.”

“Duude, Tyler.” He doesn’t shake but fist bumps with me.

“Tyler Reeves?”

“Huh.”

“Like Keanu, you kind of have the whole Bill ‘n Ted thing down dude.”

“Whoa…….” He stops talking during the pause he’s still running with me then this big smile comes over his face and he almost pops back into animation. “….dude! Excellent!”

Which if you’ve seen the movie.

Anyway I’m laughing and in a good mood until we start to play basketball. I’m good at sports. I’m kind of a jock. I’ll admit a lot of it was me really focusing on sports as a way to compete and to be like the guys and show them I’m just as able as they were. But as I came out it got more and more socially awkward then refusing to play the girls stuff made things worse.

But I’m good and I’m aggressive enough to go for the ball a lot but not dumb enough to be a ball hog. I know girls are supposed to be the team players and stuff but if I can set my guys on my side up with better chances to score and we get the points the more of Charlie’s a decent guy stuff I might get and less of she’s trying to be all super dyke and stuff. I get a few of the guys who won’t pass to me when I’m open but I leave it alone and when they fuck it up I just give the other guys this what can I do look when they look at me.

I’m fast on my feet and good on turns and have a really decent hook shot. Hey you girls and short guys out there the hook shot is the best long range equalizer shot you can do when everyone’s bigger than you. Keith’s playing on the opposite team and he gets this confounded look on his face after I drop another basket on him with a hook shot making it my third basket of the game and this one was a three pointer.

I punch him in the arm as I run to intercept their guy who’s coming up the court with the ball. “Which way did he go George, which way did he go?”

He’s jogging after me and says. “You do know of course…this…means…war.”

The game’s fun and interesting and has the bizarre side effect of showing them that I’m a guy. But it’s more like the fact that I’m not a girl. I’m better than Tyler and “Sweater vest” and three or for of the more uhm…glasses and pocket protector crowd. Too good to be a girl basically which is a croc of shit but it kind of takes me out of that being a chic.

My side wins of course and everything is good right up until the class is over and I’m heading into the locker room to change with the rest of the guys when the coach starts.

“Daniels! Where do you think you’re going?”

“Uhm going to hit the showers why coach?”

“You can’t you’re a…” he starts to sputter and choke on his words knowing full well that he can’t stop me from going in and he stands in front of me blocking the way to the showers.

“I can’t what?”

“You can’t shower with the guys…you just can’t…you’re a..”

“Fine, hey Tyler get me my cell phone out of my stuff.”

“Sure, you need anything else dude.” He asks heading in.

“Naw, just the phone I need to call my lawyer.”

“Why are you going to call your lawyer Daniels?” The coach asks, he’s getting pretty mad.

“What’s goin on?” one of the other guys asks.

“The coach doesn’t want me to take a shower because he seems to think that you guys might do something?”

That causes some grumbling with the rest of the guys. Even if they’re not really with me, nobody likes getting accused of that kind of shit. Actually I should be thanking the coach really. Some of these guys will give me a lot more respect or just treat me better as a fuck you over that kind of stuff being implied about them.

The poor coach really looks like he doesn’t know what the hell to do. “Please Daniels can’t you just shower with the girls?”

I look over to the girls and a lot of them are watching and I play the pig. I smile at them and it’s more of a leer and then I shrug. “Sure, I guess I could shower with the girls.”

That instantly gets picked up by the girls screeching. “No! Hell No! And I’m not having Charlie in the gawking at me! “And other wigged out stuff.

Tyler takes my phone out to me and the coach yells. “Fine! fine! But I’m not responsible for this! You all see I was against this!” he turns and stomps away and I grin and fist bump with Tyler and we head into the showers.

So am I scared about being naked and being what I was stuck with by birth? Sort of. Yes?
I think that most people are and I get stares. And this time it’s obvious and they know that they’re staring and for some of them it’s the first time that they’ve ever seen a naked girl before. Some of the gay guys look less than thrilled.

I’m actually surprised at how mature they’re all acting and the first thing I say when I take off my shorts is. “Holy brrr! That’s cold!” there a few chuckles at the joke or the attempt as I’m told that it’s lame and it turns the conversation to chesticles. And Tyler’s pointing at my tits and going. “Dude…! If those are like your balls then your dick must be huge.”

Keith grunts out while showering. “It’s a fake foot. Charlie was born with only one leg.”

It becomes just shit like that goofing off and talking and my differences make about as much difference as the gay guys that are there. It just becomes part of the background and stuff of us being a bunch of guys as I get complimented for being all “cut” from my workouts and stuff. To talking about cars and my place and what dad and I are doing for the deck. And the fact that I really didn’t use the mirrors afterwards getting dressed while some of the other guys did and fussed to get their cool look.

I’m in a pretty good mood when I come out of the locker room and Principal West is there.

“Mr. Daniels…. Would you please come with me?”

Charlie…8

Chapter 8

I blink and I smile and take out my phone. I’m just holding it but Principal West’s eyes lock onto it for just a couple of seconds. “I’m sure that’s not necessary Mr. Daniels. Keith you too please.” He says to the big guy.

“No…sorry sir but this is kinda like a social condom. I’d rather have it that not need it than need it and not have it.”

He works his jaw a bit. “You do know that the school sets the cell-phone policy don’t you?”

“You had better be looking foe a lot of trouble if you did something rash Mr. West, unless every phone was affected by the same ruling I’d think I was being singled out.”

Again with the jaw.

“Are you determined to be adversarial with me for some reason Mr. Daniels?”

“No sir, but my phone is part of how I protect myself. You asking me to get rid of it or to put it away set’s me on edge like something might happen or be done or said that might not be in my self interests.”

“You sound like a lawyer.”

“I’ve learned a lot in the last three schools. Unless you really make it not worth the while they won’t stop coming at you.”

“I see and if I said you’d be protected here?”

I laugh. “Right…that’s like you going along with two big ole white boys and a length of rope when they ask if you wanna go skippin.”

He stops and turns and looks ate me.

I stare right back.

“It’s just as bad sir, only I don’t even have numbers on my side.”

“Be very careful Mr. Daniels, you’re treading on thin ice.”

“Just so long as we understand each other Mr. West.”

He grunts and continues on.

Yeah I pissed him off but it’s true. When you’re in transition you’re not exactly “Stealth.” You don’t get the luxury of hiding and there’s usually no shortage of people out after your head.

We follow him to the administration office and there’s a small crowd or rather two crowds and some other kids and security guards. From what I gather just by looking is that Lance and his two buddies came to the office to complain about me being allowed to change with the other guys. And they brought some of the holy roller crowd. And that brought out the LGBT bunch and any minute now the rhetoric’s going to start from both sides.

There’s some shouting en masse started by Lance and his bunch but soon the LGBT kids start getting into it and the principal turns and just gives me this look like I’m the start of all his problems.

I get taken with Keith in the office and lance and his two buddies and we’re there just the five of us while I hear Mr. West outside telling security to get both groups to disperse and that this isn’t a matter for either interest group and there’s some other kids there asking questions and stuff with recorders and cameras too.

We don’t catch all of it as the new secretary closes the door but I seen the guidance councillor come out of her office.

Lance and his buddies stare hatred ay me but also at the open phone in my hands.

Mr. West comes in looking tired and pissed. He looks at Lance. “You accosted Mr. Daniel’s here on school property as well as violated his civil rights?”

“I did no such thing; I kept this girl from going where she shouldn’t be allowed to go and defended my rights under the constitution.”

“Excuse me!?” I say, oh yeah the phone’s recording this crap.

“Yes explain yourself Mr. Lawson.” Mr. West asks as well.

“I have the right to practice my own religion Sir. This girl is being allowed to spread her evil and filth and perversion into the rest of the student body and you’re permitting her to fornicate and put the souls of the men in that class at risk.”

I start laughing at him, I can’t help it because if that’s his reasoning. “Go back to whatever hole you crawled out of Lance, the law doesn’t let you do that. Otherwise every wife beating goon like you’d claim it was his duty by the standards of his faith.”

“Mr. Daniels that’s enough!” Mr. West barks. I shut it but I’m still really amused at Lancey-boy…hmm, that rhymes with Nancy-boy I might have to remember that one.

“Mr. Lawson, Mr. Daniels has the legal right to attend school under his legal gender the same as every other student here and the constitution also has the separation of church and state so I’m afraid until you come up with a resolution that changes the school boards policies that you were not within your rights to assault Mr. Daniels.”

“Assault! But I didn’t….” Mr. West cuts him off. “Mr. Dobson you were there was there an altercation?”

“Yeah and it might have been three on one if I hadn’t been there.”

“He’s Lying!, the little cunt is lying, all women lie, she’s little fucking Eve with the apple!”

“Mr. Lawson you’ll stop this right now and you’ll grab your things and leave from this moment on you’re on one month’s suspension.”

Lance get’s this crazy pissed look in his eyes and he’s not even looking really at me but at Mr. West for a minute then he lunges at him and snags a paper-weight off the desk and hit’s Mr. west in the head with it. Screaming “You fucking Nigger! You fucked her didn’t you?! That’s why you’re under her spell!”

His two friends don’t jump in but looked as freaked as we are and lance hit him again and again and Keith tackles lance to the ground and I open the door and yell to the secretary. “Get security!”

Luckily they were right there since getting rid of the two crowds of kids from before and they separate Keith and Lance and end up call 911 for the Principal.

They took him away in an ambulance and everyone was sat down but apart as the vice and the guidance councillor got the superintendant in to go about this carefully and with cool heads.
……………………………We’re there for awhile as our parents and our lawyers show and for a few minutes some of the church types show up with the parents for Lance and the other two guys and there’s a lot of back and forth and yelling before they end up leaving. I’m not really happy about this Reverend Johnson…it was the parents that were doing the yelling and not him and even though he looked at us like he’d wanted the earth to swallow us up he was calm and quiet and reasonable sounding.

Honestly I think he’s a dangerous man.

I only tell them about me having the whole thing on my phone after my lawyer gets there.

Dad shows up with Libby going to be…okay already home from school and that’s why the Step-mom isn’t here.

Lance get’s charged not just with an assault but with the taped evidence it’s a hate crime and the parents were fighting with the cops until the Rev quieted them down and whispered something.

We went over stuff a couple of times about what happened in the office and what happened back at gym.

They were also talking to other people and the coach and getting some of the kids that were still around when all of this happened so that’s why it was taking so long.

And that’s when I see Sable coming in and she’s changed out of her school clothes and into something nice… some nice laid back sheer white blouse nothing fancy but really nice looking and it really showed off just enough and just right her really nice…uhm breasts. And she matched it with these really cool hip hugging jeans that look really expensive.

I don’t ever want to look like that even if I could, hell I don’t even know shit about her clothes. Libby…Libby could probably tell you where she bought it and how much and stuff.

I only know that I really like what I see and not just is she getting let in to see us but she has bags of take out in her hands. I get up from my chair and she comes over and we hug. I look at her in the eyes with this “I like.” look and she smiles and blushes.

“Dad, this is Sable the girl that I told you about.”

Dad gets up and he goes to shake her hand but she gives him a light hug instead. “I’m pleased to see Charlie’s making friends.”

“And I can see where Charlie get’s his handsomeness from, you both have the same eyes and the same smile.”

“Really?” I’m actually interested in that, I mean if you’re like me and someone says that you share some stuff with your dad it has a different meaning, or it does for me.”

She nods. “I heard what happened and tried to get in here sooner but they were really locking it down with all the chaos and stuff going on. So…I thought you’d be here awhile and you’d be hungry.”

“I’m starving.”

“Good, I ordered lots because I know how guys eat so there should be enough for three of us Mr. Daniels.’ She finishes looking at dad.

“That’s very thoughtful of you Sable, Charlie what do we say?”

I lean over and give her a light kiss on the lips making her eyes go wide for a second before she presses to me and returns it. “I think I’d say that it’s a really odd second date but I’ll take it.”

She blushes and ducks her head a little which does interesting things with her cleavage but she’s smiling.

God I love the way that she smiles.

Charlie…9

Chapter 9.

Sable is pretty cool and she hangs around while Dad and our lawyer get things straighten out a bit more with the principal and the school and there’s still enough of the hub-bub going on with the LGBT crowd and their family and supporters and the Church types and the cops after idiot jumped and whacked the principal with his paper weight in a fit of right winged churchy moronity.

Dad’s on the phone with Mom and stuff and stuff every once and awhile and it’s fairly late when we get out of the whole thing and get to the parking lot.

Sable and I are holding hands on the way there. I’m not really sure how that happened but hey I’m not really going to look the gift horse in the mouth y’know. Dad’s getting in the car and stops.

“Sable the food and stuff was a godsend but the wife wanted to know if you’d like to come over to the house for some supper?”

She actually looked a bit surprised by the offer and looked at me and I smile and nod. She smiles a little and her hair hides just a bit of her face and makes her really pretty. I mean shy girl pretty. “I’d like that if I wasn’t intruding.”

“No, it’s an invitation and you’d not be intruding we’re pretty open when it comes to company and you and my son are…”

She smiles. “Charlie’s a really good friend and a hell of a nice guy too…I think I see where he gets it from.”

My dad blushed a bit. I mean Sable is really great looking like ….well…Jenna Jameson can go hide in the corner compared to Sable.

I get into her jeep with her and we follow dad back to the house and we head out back because I can smell the grill going and Sables texting someone and then puts her phone away and the scent of meat and stuff is just making me hungry.

Mom/Stepmom’s actually on the grill and the deck looks pretty good now with it decorated the way that she wants and there’s a bunch of these nice deck chairs with padded backs and seat and there’s just a regular style table set out against the back of the house with plates and all the fixings.

I do like the food; it’s nice and simple with burgers that are really good and fixed up to just plain ones done with really good meat and stuff. There’s a green salad and some potato salad and pacific potato salad. Its potato salad with things called capers in it and lots of diced celery and tuna very gently mixed into it. Mom buys the expensive raw tuna and she will grill it before adding it in. I actually like it. I’m not a huge fan of mayonnaise.

I get my favorite burgers and that’s dads hot and green which is salsa verde and Anaheim chiles and some garlic in it and lots of slices of pepperjack cheese melted over it. They are on of the perfect after surfing foods even leftover just nuke em and the hot spicy burger just warms you up after you’ve been in the water for awhile.

I snag two and put them in foil and hide them in the fridge for tomorrow. I get us two of dad’s big homemade root beers in mugs with ice and sit with her. Sables a girl after my own heart with a burger fully loaded. Okay she’s got a lot more veggies on hers than mine but she’s a native Cali girl so I expect she eats a lot of that weird stuff out here.

My family likes good old styled east coast stuff and Italian of course but we lived in West Texas for a bit where dad was working and got to like the Mexican stuff. Not Tex-Mex, that a chain store invention and kind of garbage.

Libby’s got a salad despite Dad’s attempts for her to eat something real and she’s staring at Sable and I for awhile. Mom leans over to her and says. “Libby, it’s not polite to stare.”

“I don’t care what’s she doing here?”

“Who?”

“Her:(…” She points at Sable with her fork.

“She’s our guest I invited her why?”

“She’s a whore…”

“Liberty June Daniels! You never call somebody that, you apologize this instant!”

“No! I won’t! Its bad enough Char’s acting like the biggest freak in the world now she’s got to bring the fucking porn star home! What about me! I have to live here to y’know, people are going to say shit, and well they’ll say shit even more now!”

“That’s it young lady go to your room! And give me your phone!”

“Nooo!!” Libby gets up and takes off bawling and being hysterical into the house with mom, hot on her heels.”

Sable pushed her plate onto me and got up and bolted the same time and the lap full of food gave her enough of a head start I’m still calling after her as she squeals her tires pulling away from our curb. “Sable…wait!”

I called after her but she took right off. I pace in the street and the driveway madder than I’ve ever been. Guy mad too… but still with some of the girl crap making me upset enough that I’m crying as I’m pacing.

I can’t go in the house right now. There’s yelling and screaming between Mom and Libby and honestly I’m that made where I’d use the whole fact I’m a fucking GG to beat the living tar out of the little witch.

Jeff comes out and he looks at me with this I’m taking off and this is your fault look and him, him I don’t have to take his shit from and I yell at him “What!, you got something to say to me asshole! Say it!”

He sneers at me he actually fucking sneers at me and he get’s in his car and he guns it past me almost hitting me and yeah he knew exactly what he was doing and flipped me off as he tore out of there.

It just get’s to the point where I go to my room through the garage stairs and the fighting’s stopped and I hear Libby bawling and mom’s pissed and breathing hard in the garage as she’s locking Libby’s cell phone and her laptop in the trunk of her car. From the way that Libby’s bawling you’d think Mom cut off a limb.

She looks at me as I’m climbing the stairs. “Charlie I’m sorry, she had no right to be saying that about your friend and she was way out of line.”

“Yeah she was Mom, it was a bad enough day without her bullshit. I’m getting used to Libby treating me like crap but she’s turning into one of them mom. Sable did stuff yeah but she did a lot of it when she was younger, she’s not like that anymore and wants to get past that stuff. It’s not like the asses at school cut her any slack either. Any now this…?”

I don’t say anymore but just go to my room all pissed off all over again. And I strip down and change into some basketball trunks and a hoody and I hit my heavy bag and crank the tunes and beat on it until I’m sweat soaked and panting and I close my eyes and lean on the bag holding onto the chains up top and trying to get my mind right.

Music actually helps. Serenity starts playing by Godsmack, there is something soothing and soul thumping about this song that I like, I even let go of the big whole and eyes closed I dance to the exotic metal mix beat and the hypnotic guitar and lyrics and sing along with the song.

This song so works when you’re ragingly upset, guy, girl, on the way between both…it just works.

It takes me down enough that I go to my weights and my bowflex and work out as I listen to it again and then some Metallica and some AC/DC getting the music to give me the tempo and let me burn off all the energy that I got out of my anger. I gotta do these things, guys gotta do these things git it out of their systems. There that point if you don’t you do store it all up and it goes into that place in you sideways or something so when you do pop you really blow and not in a good way. You know the feeling, when you don’t get it out as a guy right? That little headache that just sits at your temples and that tightness all through you neck and shoulders and your jaw sometimes too.

I’ve had to learn, to sort of teach myself how to deal with how to be angry as a guy and stuff. The thing is really I felt that even when I was living as a full time girl. My friends would be freaked and crying and upset and I wanted to go and do something anything and I just felt so alien in the whole girl support system.

Dad’s been a big help since knowing what’s been going on. He’s taught me a lot.

We do deal but we do it differently. It’s a primal deal, having to do something in ancient times. A guy’d be upset over stuff that he’s need to go fit. Getting medicine, food, firewood, fight even and we still have those instincts. And we have our own ways of dealing, we do.

Girls listen, empathize.

Guys we’re hardwired to fix it.

I hit the shower and decompress a little more and a little more until it feels like I can be a reasonable human being around people again and I head downstairs and it’s past nine and quiet with Dad outside and he’s been having a few beers and his guitar’s out and he nods to me and passes me a beer.

I take it and he sit’s back down and just kind of jams I drink half the beer and go and get my board and my bag and once I kill that beer I look at dad before reaching for another and the food that was left of mine from our late supper and I listen to him playing while eating cold BBQ burgers, drinking a beer and lose myself in just cleaning and waxing my board.

It’s awhile before he stops and he sets his guitar aside and gets another beer and walks inside. No, he’s not a drunk, Dad’ll have a few on a night like this and other than that one or two every once in awhile. Given the day I just treated him to at school and the drama here…

He comes out and passes me a piece of paper. And a twenty. “What’s this?”

“Her address I remembered I had it from when we were all interviewed by the police and they had asked her for hers.”

That means that dad had recorded all the stuff with the cops too. Hard lessons learned in other places we’ve lived. Sometimes peace officers have different notions of how to apply the law to people like me.

“Uhm thanks but it’s kind of late.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Huh?”

“Charlie, you really like this girl?”

“Yeah, a lot.”

“Then it’s not too late. Three AM that’d be too late, it’s not even eleven yet. Trust me, this you showing up. It’s romantic.”

“I so don’t get girls Dad.”

“Charlie…we’re not supposed to get them, we’re supposed to care about them. That’s the biggest thing.”

“What’s the second and third then?” I’m actually kind of half joking as I’m getting up but he just gives me that Dad only wise old man look and takes a drink of his beer once he pulls his guitar onto his lap.

“Safety and to laugh Charlie, Love her, care about her make her feel secure like it’s real and she can depend on it and you and then make her laugh…it’s pretty simple yet took me meeting your step mom to really get it.”

“So what do we get out of it?”

He gave me that look again. “We get them Charlie…”

I leave and I’m still mulling all of that over even after quickly getting some warmer clothes on and stuff and heading out on my skateboard. Honestly I don’t thing Jeff and Dad talk like we do.

I stop at of all places a doughnut place and get two large hot chocolates in doubled up cups and a six pack of fresh hot glazed jelly filled. Yeah enough sugar for ten of us but y’know I once kinda of sort of thought I was a girl. I remember the I’m upset cravings…sort of. I think I was going along with it more than having it.

Anyway…

I find her house and it must be like twelve or just after it and she’s not too far away but far away enough from my house that it took me awhile to get there.

There’s some lights on at her trailer. Well it’s a mini home but still not what I was thinking of on the way over and it takes me awhile to find her bedroom window. She’s in just this long soft looking fleece? maybe long pink tee-shirt and her hair’s up into a pony tail and she’s actually doing homework…this late at night…I suppose…how long was she crying?

I toss a few twigs at her window and when that doesn’t work I take out my phone and zip through the net on it until I find this song, from this old John Cusack movie mom and dad watch all the time called “Say Anything” and I don’t have a ghetto blaster but I key up that tune “Your Eyes.” by that guy Peter Gabriel…I know that Mom just melts against dad when they watch that movie and it’s one of their songs.

I’m kind of getting why.

It’s so like a movie too…I’m holding my cell phone up and I’m lit up by the light of my touch pad while the songs playing as loud as my speakers are able to play which is actually loud in the middle of the night…and she comes to her window looking down at me in the middle of her back yard and I see her hair go to her mouth and she stands there and she’s crying and I’ve never seen that look in a girls eyes about me before.

I’ve never seen a smile like that.

There’s this great line from that movie from the redhead to John’s character. “Be a guy? Don’t be a guy, the world’s full of guys…be a man.”

I’m so kinda feeling that, getting that…getting Dad.

Charlie…10

Chapter 10

Sable’s in the window and she’s looking down at me hand over her mouth and she’s all smiley and teary and I can’t help but to feel so right about myself. I never knew that a girl can look at you and it changes everything.

Right now my genetic gender doesn’t even register.

She’s there a few minutes before she runs from the window and outside. She’s got a long pink striped baseball jersey nightshirt on.

One minute she’s there and the next minute she’s in my arms and she’s kissing me and I’m kissing her but she jumped in my arms and I’m still holding her off the ground and then instead of setting her down I sweep her up and carry her back inside because it’s cold out here.

We make it to a couch and kept kissing and making out. She breaks the kiss to look at me and hold my face in her hands with her eyes dancing.

“Charlie….oh….(sniffle.) thank you…no one…no ones ever done something like that for me.”

“Really?…It wasn’t too corny?”

“Really…(sniffle-laugh.)…oh Charlie! Corny’s good, corny’s great.”

We kiss a little bit more and I press my forehead to Sable’s. “It’s your fault Y’know.”

“My fault…for what?”

“Seeing me, making me feel the way that I’ve always wanted to feel.”

“Well ditto there fella, most guys that find out about my past…most people are either assuming I’m all slutty and easy and stuff or they treat me like I’m just some whore.”

“You’re not a whore. I think you happen to be all kinds of amazing Sable. I love your heart.”

(Sniffle.) Sable buried her face into my chest and mumble-cry-happy-sniffles. “Say that again…”

“Which part?”

“The last part…”

“Oh… I love your heart.”

She’s hugging me really hard and she’s shaking and she’s shivering from holding her own pain in. It’s that deep pain Y’know. I know it. That pain that you just kinda of ignore, you ignore it and you just file it away and gloss it over with you telling yourself that yeah it sucks but I’m going to be okay.

We all do it to just keep going. All of us do Y’know what I mean. sexuality, or gender stuff, abuse or an addiction, a medical condition…anything where you’re suffering but in these constant small amounts and there’s no one there to just say that thing we all need to hear.

That it’s okay to be and feel exactly who we are…scars and all.

I think I just did that for Sable. I wasn’t looking to do that but I did mean what I said and after the first thirty minutes I carefully text dad and record her crying it out on me and send him the message.

[She needs me, can’t go.]

[Can C that, Ok, Proud of U son.]

I close my eyes and fight my war inside with the Evil E running through my veins and making me want to start crying too. Fucking girly hormones. Yeah I’m on a blocker and I’m taking hormones now but I swear…it’s the boobs. They store the stuff and it’ll rear it’s curly permed head and hit my like an acid (LSD) flashback.

I just breath through it and hug her a bit tighter and squeeze my phone harder and stare at dad’s return text until it passes and I’m really trying to pull those words off the screen into my soul.

We fall asleep together on the couch and I get woken up by her laptop on the coffee table turning on and blaring the theme song to Hawaii Five-O as the surf report comes up preset to some alarm or something on her laptop.

She moves and stretches in a really nice way. “Charlie? You’re still here?”

“Yeah, where else would I be? You needed me here right?”

“Uhm…most guys wouldn’t have stayed.”

“I’m not most guys.”

“No…you’re so much more…”

She moves to kiss me and I stop her and she blinks. “What?”

“I’m not kissing you before I brush my teeth.”

“Charlie…” She leans back trying to give me one of those girly you’re being s stunned guy looks but her hair all mussed, no make up and her eyes still with sleep in them it’s so not working, but it does make me smile.

“You look beautiful Y’know that?”

“I…oh… Oh! Charlie!” She jumps up, paws at her hair does that super cute girly OMIGOD my BF’s seeing me without all my prep-work done freak out.

I take the moment to pop a few pieces of Dentine ice in my mouth as she’s actually babbling about how she can’t believe she did that and that she let me see her like this in the morning.

It’s really beyond cute.

I stop her as she starts to run off to do her morning ritual and I stop her. Pull her back. Then kiss her. “Charlie! No! I’m not pretty yet!”

“You’re beautiful and I don’t care…I said I was worried about my morning breath for you… (I pop a bubble.) but that’s taken care of so…”

I kiss her really deeply and pin her to the hall way entryway for a few minutes. I break the kiss and she’s panting and wide eyed. “There’s some good waves if you get ready you can run me home and I’ll grab my stuff and we can catch a few waves before school.”

“Okay! I be right back!” She actually runs to get ready and she’s not long. I head to the kitchen and make us two instant coffee’s and I get down the hall and she’s out of the shower and brushing her teeth while shimmying into her wetsuit.

Completely new morning looking, like this or even just her stunning everyday she beautiful.

I do notice a black cord around her neck with a NA token on it.

I know there’s a lot to her story she’s not telling me. Like her folks not being around.

But small steps.

We just found each other.

Charlie…11

Chapter 11

We get into Sable’s jeep and we head to my house and we’re careful not to wake everyone up while I quickly get changed and grab my board and take my meds. I smile at her having set the table and have put out the cereal boxes and everything to make toast and stuff as well as a bowl of fruit salad that she has in a Tupperware dish saying eat me and another with scrambled eggs saying cook me. She even loaded the coffee perk and it starts gurgling away as we leave.

That’ll get Dad up at least. He always says that fresh coffee and frying bacon are the best alarm clock smells.

We take off down to the beach and there are some nice five foot swells out there. I run with here out to the waves once we wax up and it’s there. That thing about surfing that just washes away all the gender bullshit in my life as I duck dive under the cool waters and feel the power of the ocean and that wave run over my body like it’s a deep massage getting the bullshit out.

It’s life, nature, it’s elemental and it absolutely doesn’t care that I’m male or female I’m just me.

Sable when I look at her has the same sort of look too. You really look at most people who surf. We’ve all got our damage and shit but even the hot-doggers out here get these moments of Zen. Of one with the wave, the ocean and even the planet where we are reduced to just that rise and fall of the waves and then the washing clear of our lives and even outracing the stuff.

It’s such a spiritual thing really.

Honestly I can get the why of why people love skiing and snowboarding and fresh powder and being at the top of the mountain. Or riding horses out in nature someplace whether working or for the love of it…or the early morning cyclist that is going thirty miles an hour in the pre-dawn communing with the world and the road before the sun rises and the rest of the planet begins to wake up.

I kind of want to do all those things and I get my Dad more in these times. He loves to go hiking and then fly-fishing. I’d love to feel that peace of fishing that I see them have. I like Hiking too and there’s supposed to be all sorts of places for both out here in California according to Dad.

We get through several great sets and I feel great and Sable and I head to my place where my Mom comes out from the kitchen to greet us with two cups of hot coffee and we gratefully take them and sip at them still shivering.

“Oh I wish really wish I was a GM. You really don’t see a lot of them shivering like this.”

It’s true, no matter the surgeries or hormones I’m not going to get a different circulatory system. And genetic guys always seem so warm.

Sable cuddles up to me as we’re drying off. “Better?”

“Okay, very much better I can deal with the shivers if it gets me closer to you.”

“Good answer Mr. Daniels, good answer.”

We kiss and sip coffee and kiss some more. It’s good, really nice kisses but not those trying to tongue each others tonsil type of kisses. Libby stares at us from the window of the house and she already looks like she’s working up to her daily mad on.

I sigh. “I have to shower and get changed for school.”

Sable sighs. “Me too I’ll see you there?”

“Okay…”

We share another kiss and I head inside and lean in the doorway with my coffee and watch her pull out and leave before heading inside. Libby passes me on the stairs. “Dyke.”

“Nope, I’m Het Libby, but if you did get all hot band bothered by watching us I can see you having your perfectly preppy panties in a twist.”

“Fuck you Charlie!”

“Hey!!!, you’re finally getting my name right.”

She storms into the kitchen and I hear her starting it up with mom again and freaking about still being grounded and left techless. Yeah, I’m so glad that I’m a guy. I mean some guys they have the addiction to toys and stuff and phones and texting and stuff but not really, really. You need that stuff for the girls now a days and I guess they’re useful for work.

But a girl, these days unable to talk on the phone, or conference call, text or check Facebook…Like Oh My Effing Gawd it’s like the end of the frikking world!

I shower and check my face, nothing yet…well acne starting but I use the face stuff I got for that and then get dressed, I’ve got these slate colored denim cargo pants I really dig and those go over my black boxer briefs and my jock buddy and I settle things and put on my compression vest/bra thing and a red t-shirt over it then a baggy black Godsmack concert t-shirt over that and my red keds and grab my books and my board and head down to eat breakfast.

………………………………It turns out to be the pretty usual school day. Pull into school get razzed at but a few of the haters who are there waiting to shout their two cents worth and yet too chicken to come to face me man to man.

Then it’s the cafeteria and the quad for a coffee before classes where I meet up with Sable and we kiss a bit, get stares and parted after a faculty member comes by and points out the No PDA signage.

Then off to the lockers where I camera flash the defacement and e-mail them to the office and my lawyer for my file and more than likely starting the principals ulcer to flare up or just to start up period.

It’s not until P.E. that things get interesting. The old coach is gone and there’s this other guy there a tall mid-thirties Hispanic guy. He kinda looks like Joe Montagna? The guy from Criminal Minds that TV show but like ripped.

Wow…he has no problem with me changing with the guys. He gives me this pen thingy. “Snap it, or press the button and it’ll set off an alarm. They use it in hospitals as panic buttons.”

That was it and then it was hell.

He ran us ragged, all sorts of exercises and drills and running then the last half of the class was this really hardcore game of dodge ball. I notice him watching and making lots and lots of notes.

The guys were all tired but the locker rooms and the showers were changed with all the showers having stalls built in there and stuff. The guys looked at me. I looked at them. “Shit.”

I’m kind of pissed but kind of not the whole thing could have been worse. “Sorry guys this is my fault.”

They actually just laugh and joke it off about finally not having to see too much of some peoples bodies while there’s some kids that actually look relieved to have some privacy.

Enough so that I decide not to make a stink over this. It’s just as much for some other people than for me. I’d be kind of a whiney “Girl” too as soon as I did throw some hypersensitive fit about it too.

I’m going to actually go with my idiot brother on this one. Not everything in the world has to do with being trans. And I’ll admit I do get sometimes caught up in my transition to where it’s a really too big a thing in my life. I need to find balance sometimes because if I’m in transition to actually have my life, be the person that I really am…I should live first right?

I head out of the locket rooms and there’s a basketball zooming at my head. I catch it and the new coach is looking at me. “Good hands.”

“Thanks…that’s kinda sort of assault Y’know that right?”

“Fine charge me but do me a favor.”

“What’s that?”

“Shoot the ball from there.”

I look it’s a bit of a long throw and I shrug and toss a hook shot and it bounces off the rim.

Another ball zooms in. I catch this one and then drop my book bag. Look at the coach. “From the three point line this time.”

I get back board and a bounce off.

Another ball. “Same thing but try a jump shot.”

Another miss.

“Again but when you jump you use all of it, and point your toes down in the jump as you flick your fingers from the throw.”

“Flick my fingers?”

“You don’t play basketball do you.”

“Just some for fun and here.”

“You play pool?”

“Oh yeah.”

“You use the way the ball leaves your fingers as the way to put the “English” on the ball.”

Oh…well…you learn something new everyday. Wow he’s actually coaching me?

I do the jump shot again.

Closer…

Third time swish…

Fourth, fifth, sixth… swish, swish, swish…oh this feels good.

Lay ups are next then I’m in a game of best of five one on one with him and he knocks me on my ass twice fouling me hard. “Hurt? Done, You quit?”

“Hell no.”

He does beat me, he’s just better but he’s sweating and I need another shower. He uses his towel and wipes off. “You busy Friday after classes Daniels?”

“No plans why coach you asking me out?”

“Yeah, I want you to show up here and try out for the varsity basketball team.”

“Uhm you know the guys practice on Fridays right?”

“Yeah that’s why I’m asking you Mr. Daniels.”

“Okay…cool I be there.”

“Good, and practice between now and then. You’re good, but you need a shit-ton of skill improvement but you’ve got talent the team needs.”

“Needs?”

“Yeah, and I’m not going to let some stupid 1950’s mentality keep a great player off my team.”

“Cool, I’ll see you Friday.”

“Yeah get out of here go brag to your girlfriend.”

I grin and head out to do just that very thing.

Charlie…12

Chapter 12

Swish.
Swish.
Swish.

It’s been honestly the best month in my life.

It’s funny how one good teacher can change things. The coach has been that teacher for me. First it’s me on the team. Him giving me this chance and we’ve had three games we lost the first two and we won the third. We actually kicked ass.

And I practice even when at home I’m practicing like right now. Foul shots, lots and lots of foul shots because it’s become pretty evident the other teams aren’t happy with me being on their courts. So the foul me a lot. She’s a chick she can’t make the distance, she’ll toss it underhand.

Yeah, yeah fuck you assholes.

I’m going to get so good at this that every time I’ll stuff that ball down your throats and get even more points.

But it’s been amazing.

We’ve been training with the football team for one. The tire drills, the rope ladder on the ground drill and running the stairs and the best idea is flag football. See no matter the position football players are really good at stopping you. This gets us really used to moving fast dodging and weaving around the guys and actually having a good time.

And the football players get to try to stop guys that are fast plus we all are training and hanging out in this whole cross sport thing that we’ve never heard of being done before.
We had the football team and the cheerleaders at that last game we won. It’s like we’re starting to get this we’re not competing for the limelight because we’re doing so much together. There’s talk about the other clubs doing this too.

And the coaches rules too are awesome. At least for me. Clean shaven, and when we come to away games dress shirts ties, slacks and team blazers. God I love the feel of the clothes.

And the football cheer team is getting more girls together for an all school cheer squad…there was a bit of resistance until the was that they said it’d look on their transcripts for college.

Sable and some of the other girls that are hot yet sort of been snobbed on are cheering now. The coach apparently talked to the cheer coach and they’re doing this who “Breaking the baton.” thing. The girls are talking about the shitty stuff in their lives to the other girls, other kids in school. Sable came clean about her addiction. How she grew up too fast and was too “Good looking.” at twelve that her step-dad and his brothers got her buzzed then doing porn and from buzzed on weed to hooked on heroin…to forget…on coke to buzz her up.

And it got the ball rolling in stuff. The girls started talking about bulimia, anorexia, cutting and they’re just getting started.

I’ve never been to a school that hasn’t really ended up sucking before.

I stop when my Dad pulls in and grab a water and he sets his backpack on the car hood (He doesn’t use briefcases.) and gets out of his dress shirt and tie. And holds up his hands for the ball and we play some one on one until Mom calls up for supper.

“Looking good Charlie, he grabs my arms and does the tone squeeze. I’m actually getting some real tone now. The hormones are kicking in and the layer of girl fat’s going away at a nice rate and I’ve been putting on weight and muscle. I grin because it’s like everyday I look in the mirror I see me a bit more.

“Thanks Dad.”

We head in to eat my brothers absent and out doing his thing with his buddies and Libby’s actually quiet and just looks at me. She’s still not on board but I’m not the pariah I usually am. I’m sure she’s not sure how to deal with me being popular without her looking like a total bitch.

I pack away the food even enjoying that guy thing even though It’s a stereotype. I can’t help it with the working out and the hormones and I guess just my age I go through these starving patches. Mom out did herself tonight with these pork chops that she stuffed with mushrooms and some kind of sauce and a huge salad to go with it and some baked potatoes. I have three chops and seriously chow down on the salad. I’m into this kind of body building stuff. Not like really getting into it like for competition but those female body builders really get a reduction in breast size and I like that and combined with the hormones it’s starting to work.

Down one size.

Right on.

I help do the dishes and do my homework up in my room and spend some time working out and that’s for me every night one hundred push ups in groups of twenty, then twice that for sit ups then ten minutes on the jump rope and another ten minutes on the heavy bad and thirty minutes on my Bowflex. I’m doing the hard and fast work outs I don’t hold back and I’m usually a shaky panting dripping mess by the time I’m done. Then I hit the shower and get clean.

I’m getting better with being naked especially in the shower and the changes were helping too. Like I said my breasts were getting smaller mostly from the working out and really helped by the melting away of more of the girly-fat.

I’m shaving too. I still do my legs but that’s for me. I tried stopping and got a decent grow going but it started to chafe in my wetsuit when I was surfing. I trim my pits but don’t shave them and that fuzzy patch looks right but no…I’m shaving my face.

It’s what dad calls peach fuzz and it just sort of really kicked in one weekend. Mom spent half of it reaching over and feeling it and Dad never stopped with those “Is that dirt jokes.”

It would’ve been perfect except Libby saw it and how we were acting and bawled most of the weekend. We tried to talk to her and it led to her screaming and freaking out that “I” and “You.” as in the rest of the family killed Charlotte.

It was really hard because she wasn’t just being Libby being a bitch then she was mourning me like I’d died.

She recovered of course having gotten used to what’s the inevitable but she’s quieter, even with my being on the team and being sort of popular she’s quieter than she used to be.

Honestly something changed in her eyes when she looks at me now. There’s something gone. And I won’t get that back.

………………………………...Fuck.

I can’t let that stuff get to deep though. It’s hard enough dealing with the hurt and the feelings and stuff as it is without obsessing over someone else’s feelings all the time. I used to do that and it’s a way to fuck yourself up.

Turning it off doesn’t help either. That just builds until you lose it in other ways. Me I work out, get my endorphins running through my body and even yelling as I’ve got my tunes playing.

I will have a punching bag in every home I ever live in.

Seriously even if someone’s a girly frou-frou type getting one of those just works. Wailing on it until my hands ache and I’m dripping sweat while I’m blast something like “Fuel.” by Metallica to me is just as cleansing and balancing as a good cry is for others. Add balance to it by surfing and skateboarding and I’m in better shaped than I’ve ever been mentally and emotionally.

I get dressed tight sports bra, boxer briefs with my Velcro bit to settle “Henry.”

I can’t help but grin. “Henry” got named by Sable when we were a bit beer happy last weekend with one of her housemates Scott getting us a case of beer. Not drunk but happy we were watching some romantic movies and “Ghost.” had came on. Oh and I apparently have this look that if I was a genetic male I’d have a younger Swayze thing gong on. (That’s cool.) anyway that scene where he’s driving Whoopie’s character nuts by singing this Henry the eighth I am. It came from that Sable smiled and rolled over on top of me and while necking was rubbing it and said “Oh Henry.” And that’s been Henry as well as clit…though that we’ve been calling innie-cock, and other things.

Jamie Stevens the wide receiver on the football team got me doing a spit take by calling it. “The angry little man in the cave.”

And has said shit that I actually found funny like. “Charlie’s dick likes pussy so much it won’t leave.” And… “Charlie was pissed that he found out in heaven he was going to be born short. Jesus told him to suck it up and well c’mon it’s Charlie, he just had to take it to far.”

Jamie’s a good guy and he gets it. His little sister is a T-girl and she’s only fourteen and has been through enough. She should go to school with us but she’s in a “Mental Health Care Facility.” it’s a long story but…Jamie gets it and that helps too.

I get into my military styled cargo pants and then muscle tank then t-shirt over that and my basketball jacket and check myself out add some aftershave just a touch of it and head out grabbing my board.

“I’m going to see Sable!”

“Back by two!” Mom shouts and yes it’s two AM and a school night but they trust me. And I’m usually home before that but the times I’m not I better call and just explain why. I have a lot of freedom because I’ve earned it. Good grades, I’m part of a team not, I help out around the house. Libby was given a lot of freedom too but both here and my brother just end up doing stupid stuff.

It’s why my dad has my brother’s car as his right now. Idiot got caught DUI. Dad was fucking livid that he’d drive drunk. None of us seen him punch a hole in the wall before. You know the bad thing about living in a city? The population…Dad took him everyday to a different funeral in the area of someone killed by a drunk driver.

I guess according to my brother dad made him look the family in the eyes and say sorry for you loss.

I shook my brother up good.

Honestly the few times Dad and I ever butted heads I was in the wrong. When I was younger and just a two schools back I was on a power trip. I was going to be a guy and no one and nothing was going to stop me. I wasn’t even on my hormones then I just had so much to prove.

I started as many fights as the ones that got started for me. If dad hadn’t cooled my jets I’d have so go into the wrong crowds and likely would’ve been in jive. I learned my limits when the day came I took a swing at him. I don’t even remember what the exact stuff was about…oh…yeah I had pitched a fit with him because he didn’t stick up for me at school because I brought a knife. I was a little asshole and when I swung at him he acted like any father’s do to his son that raised his hand to him.

I got it really fast.

And I’ll admit the chips still there, but life and feeling better with what feels like the right hormones going through my brain made a huge difference. Surfing has made a huge difference…getting time-distance from what my birth mom did when I came out has helped and Sable.

I smile as I see her behind the counter of Back lot video she waves at me as I slid up with my road board and a baggie with our usual iced coffee’s and a brownie each from Dunkin doughnuts. It’s getting to the point that they know me and I have a usual for nights like tonight and a usual in the morning.

I come in and Sable comes around the counter and we kiss. “Hey Swayze…”

“Hey you how’s work going.”

“Meh, beats my last job.”

I hang around with her while she wipes off the movies. Sable actually will bother to keep the movie cases clean. People handle them and stuff so they get kind of dirty then there’s the ones that are dusty because they’re old. It’s an after school part time job for some extra bucks but she has enough money. The whole porn thing she got awarded all the money that they had made off of her. I still don’t know the whole story but she doesn’t have to work. She chooses to.

We kiss some more but she gets me looking up stuff for movies online. She’s setting up something that she wants to try out. It’s her “Because of…” section. She’s really into movies despite the whole porn associations and Sable has this cool idea to feature a new release then on the shelf right beside it have the movies that influenced it into being even made. But she’s not just talking out her ass either she’s looking stuff and writing a blurb of each of those older movies explaining why they effected the movie.

Seriously cool and smart stuff and we talk about it a lot.

Okay, you really want to get to know your girlfriend and her you? Go to a video store. I mean it go to a video store and just grab a snack and share or hold hands but go and talk about the movies. What you’ve seen, what you haven’t, hated, liked, and it’s something that you can both talk about easily and heck if there’s books. Well shit, now you can talk about books too.

Honestly though I think that if I was with someone who’d say. “I don’t like to read that much.” That’d be a deal breaker.

Sable is a reader, she tends towards reading gothy romantic horror or fantasy and science fiction like Marjorie Liu? And Sherillynn Kenyan? I’m just glad she doesn’t like the Twilight stuff. I’m not into that stuff other than when I used to watch Buffy I had a serious hard on for Faith….but if there’s a strong capable female character in it then she’s into it usually.

She’s even a comic book geek but that Indy stuff mostly though she collected a bunch of female lie titles. Again I’m not into comics but I do like how some of them are drawn…my favorite’s super girl. But them again Sables favorite super heroine is Hawkwoman? And her poster is pretty smoking.

I know, you’d think most little girls would want to be Wonder Woman but not my girl.

Me…I wanted to be Thor. Have the hammer turn me into a real boy. But mostly I wanted to be a policeman or a fighter pilot. Mostly a fighter pilot. Not that I’m looking to join the air force but when I was six and seven of course right? You had to be in the air force to fly a jet pack right?

Now? I’m actually not sure what I want to do with my life. I’m kind of leaning towards being a mechanic though.

I stay until closing with her and that’s nine and I walk her home at ten after she’s done doing her till I stock the chips and the pop cooler while she mops. We hold hands and talk about school, the games and stuff going on in cheer or sociology which we’re both taking and that’ a lot like social studies but more grown up. Like talking about how social media networks like face book and stuff like Twitter have changed things.

I like school now more than I ever did. I love talking to Sable about these things I mean even school work because it’s like I really want to kiss her whenever she says something interesting but then again she’s always saying something interesting. Like tonight it’s her talking about the GOP and women’s health care and the elections and how she really see’s the whole lazy stupid American thing sometimes because after seeing what social networking has done in other countries in regime changes…we just seem apathetic to the injustices happening.

It’s that and her movie idea and I swear she’s like a cinema genealogist we get to her place and I turn her to kiss me after she’s got her door unlocked. It’s long and deep and Sable wraps her arms around me and pulls me tight to her and I love the feel of her big full breasts pressing into me.

“Stay?”

“I have to be back by two…”

“Your brother right?”

“Yeah, I don’t want to push things.”

“This weekend…after Saturday’s game?”

“Yeah I think I can swing that.”

“Good…I know we’ve been taking it slow Charlie but…I want you…I want us to take the next steps okay?”

“Yeah…” My mouth’s dry but I’m not…I’m hard just thinking about Sable naked and while I’ve seen the porn she made it’s to the same as touching her in real life and her touching me. I’m scared of that, of where this might and could go but she’s right we’ve been dating over a month without sex… “Yeah I want to too Sable…”

She kisses me. “G’night Swayze, I see you at the beach.”

“Uhmmmm…yeah.”

She closes the door smiling at me and giving me that cute finger wave goodnight and I smile back for her and walk home actually and get in just after midnight and get a beer for me and for dad and he’s in the easy chair watching the news, mom’s under a blanket on the couch asleep. He looks at the beer then at me and the beer I have.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“Please.”

“Alright c’mon and get the rest of the six pack.”

I do and he’s got the gas grill going already and he does something he did with his dad and even further back I guess.

You talk to your dad late at night and we do it with a few drinks and a bacon sandwich. It just fits as I take that first bite just bread and the grease and the char from the grill on it and just some HP sauce. I wash it down with a drink of beer.

“Sable wants to take things to the next step dad…so what do I do?”

He takes a huge bite of his own and chews sort of thinking and smiling a bit then says….

Charlie…13

Chapter 13

Southlands Prep. Highschool….

I think it was a good sign getting off the bus and while there was a few protesters there from their “Holy rollers.” holding some signs up and yelling bible stuff in protest of me playing.

They had to do it off the school grounds since their right to free speech and assembly wasn’t applicable to the school grounds here. That was a good sign that they weren’t allowing them there. But then again those signs saying “God hates fags.” don’t look good for the school.

There was also two cop cars there just in case.

Oddly I’m not that mad really about it. We’d been told in advance by Southlands that there were these kids and some parents going to do that.

Tyler’s doing the whole. “Whoa…Dudes that’s so not cool.”

Keith’s beside me shaking his head. “Very un-cool talking for god.”

I shrug. “Yeah, hey the best thing about this is if they’re all up in arms about me then maybe they’ll leave someone here alone.”

Keith’s shaking his head. “Good thought but doubt it.”

There’s some general agreement as it kind of effects all of us…that’s another thing. It’s never effected all of us before. It does now because the guys and the coach. Very cool actually.

The next sign was when we were getting off the bus and there was a crowd there not like the protesters but there to try and see the girl-boy-it that all the shit was about. I went passed them and heard a girl saying to her friend. “I can’t see her, it’s just a bunch of guys.”

And… “Yeah maybe their bringing her in like separate.”

That actually made my night eve before the game started. The guys don’t say much in the locker room about me anymore except to talk about how cut I’m getting and some of the work out stuff we’re trying out. But mostly it’s talking about the Southland team and playing on wood. So far we’ve only played on cement floored gyms and we’re actually kind of excited about playing on wood. I guess the coach asked about us getting one for our school and he told us that we’d not just have to win state but nationals for that kind of a miracle. Tyler mentioned he thought because his dad was a carpenter that a hardwood floor gym we’d be looking at six figures.

We get ready and we head out as the music that our guys that help out with all the games has ready for us. There’s always this rush as we run out onto the court to the sounds of the really intense instrumental part of “Tom Sawyer.” by Rush…Yeah I know different right. Everyone does stuff like Queen or AC/DC or Metallica. We run out to the music and the cheers of the people who came to the game on our side and the jeers of the hometeam’s side.

We run a hard game. It’s a running game with lots of speed and we’ve got lots of experience and training on our feet and racing back and forth. We do mostly a good passing game but the fast pace is meant to run them ragged.

It tires them out and it gets them pissed off and I’ve been training really hard so when I get the ball. I score with long range shots that I shouldn’t have the power and accuracy for since “I’m the girl.” Heh-heh…fuck you guys.

Then it’s hurt her, beat on the girl…foul her and make her quit.

I’m not a girl…I don’t play like one and I don’t give up. And sorry but I’m not being sexist. I know girl can be good at sports and tough and all that. It’s these guys that are being sexist…they are.

But we are using it as a trap.

Foul shots.

I don’t miss a single shot in fact I make them pay through the nose for every bump and bruise and friction burn.

And when they think I’m too much trouble they put too many guys on me and that frees up the guys to do their thing.

Halftime is a serious head fuck as I sneak a very public kiss with Sable as she jumps into my arms before I have to head back into the changing room. The coach gives me the look. “Tame it down Swayze between you and your girl out there. We don’t want them hitting us for misconduct out there.”

“Yessir.”

I’m still grilling and Sable dances and cheers with the girls in a very risky sway, shimmy and slide with some of the other girls….PG…but really close to being rayed M.

Very distracting.

I laugh too at Tyler since we’re sort of like The Replacements. It’s a movie about replacement football player and one of my faves. Tyler actually tells their big guy after her got fouled. “That’ll do pig, that’ll do.”

Our football guys are in the crowd and they must have got it too because as we fall back after each score they sing out. “Ole…Ole, Ole…!”

Really, watch the movie.

And just to make it better we don’t just win but we stomp them into the ground with 28-62 for us. Getting out was actually a bit worse some of them were mad bent out of shape enough that they joined the haters outside and that bunch where yelling and calling us. “Dyke-lovers, Cheaters!” And… “You only won because that whore distracted our boys.”

It’s not even upsetting because we’re out of there pretty easily and as far as the opposing team went there might have been a few of them really bent out of shape at losing with me on the team they still shook hands after the game and one or two actually smiled as they shook my hand.

They and the place weren’t all assholes.

We had a team dinner at Dominos Pizza and it’s a good time and everything but I dunno I spent a whole lot of time with Sable and us in the corner kissing and making out. I love the way that she runs her fingers through my hair. She likes playing with it while it’s sort and spiked so I’ve been keeping it that way and then there’s her running her fingers through the shaved short hairs on the side of my head and back of my neck. Oh that gives me the shivers in a good way.

I love kissing with her and it’s different this time. I’m more hands on, touching her but not in the whole obvious areas…my hands holding her face sometimes…touching her like china yet guiding her to my kisses…kisses that treat her like a peach…sweet, juicy but aggressive not badly so but I’m the one kissing her…and wanting her…my peach girl like I’m hungry for her.

Her breathing changes like she likes it…

She moves when I touch her legs, and hold her…grip well but not squeeze…her bottom…but lower down…holding her weight…or settling into the soft curve of he waist…just move the thumbs…feel her tummy sort of…smell her….touch her with my nose…use my lips…

Sable’s kissing really hard…breathing hard and pressing her yay bits into me diligently offering herself up and fuck….I’m so hard. We are both very horny by the time that we break to get back on the bus. It’s a long drive into home and we head to her jeep and I text home. [Home and we had a good game. Going to Sable’s…Wow…nervous…thanks dad…advice helped lots.]

Yeah lots of those things I was doing was stuff that we talked about…It’s kind of strange getting intimate advice as a guy from my Dad about stuff like how to touch and hold and kiss a woman given how…how I was born but unlike a lesbian I don’t have that empathy of knowing what she’d want. I’m a trapped alien in my own body…even now I’m really trying to keep the fact I’m hard…that my cock is hard for Sable and the wetness is a guy’s wetness…pre-cum instead of…

Nervous…hot, hard and nervous.

Sable keeps looking at me as we drive too her place, she’s still flushed and her nipples are poking through her cheer top so deliciously.

We get to her place and we start kissing and it’s passionate and hot and we fumble our way inside and to her bedroom. We’re pulling off clothes and as much as I’m nervous at being naked with her Sable’s body is ten times hotter in person than she was on screen. I mean that too…she’s older, more filled out in better shape and…She presses her naked body against mine and it’s not the freaky scary thing that I thought it’d be…god she’s so soft…her breasts feel so amazing against my chest.

“Oh fuck! Charlie…I had no idea…I’ve dreamed about this…”

“You have?”

“God for weeks I’ve wanted to jump your bones…I never thought you’d be this…fucking hot…”

“Hot?”

“Yeah…”

She moves to turn on the stereo then walks over and she starts to dance, we’re both naked so she’d kind of using me as a stripper pole. Moving around me and running her hands all over me.

“Hot…all that muscle…and all that strength…lean…hard…”

“Oh fuck Sable…”

“Yeah…please…” She pulls me to this big wicker chair by her bed and sets me down. And she gives me a lap dance and she moves and grinds and slithers against my legs grinding into me…moaning…touching me…shoving her perfect breasts into my face…I lose myself in that…I really do love her breasts…love breasts…full, rich breasts with big perfect nipples… and the taste and scent of her skin…the way she moans as her sex slips over my knee and I feel her shiver and shake.

I’m born the same as she was but everything isn’t me being a girl…I’m making love to her breasts and she’s running her hands over my muscles and I…I was meant for this…meant for this…her hands grip the muscles in my arms hanging on as she has an orgasm.

My god what a beautiful sight.

“Charlie…god…You are so perfect…”

“No…No I’m not…”

“Yes you are…Handsome…(kiss)…brave…(kiss)…strong…(kiss)…I’m so in love with you…with your heart…”

She kissed he way down and she starts to kiss and lick and suck on my ab’s until she’s between my legs….

“Sable…” God I’m scared of this…

“Charlie…please…please baby can I suck your dick…?”

“Oh….oh…okay…”

She sinks down and kisses and smells and I shiver then I whine, bite my lower lip as she sinks a finger into me…opens me up…scared, scared…freaked…scared…it feels so…then she pulls on my clit…curling her finger behind it and setting it up more and she has me open…then…then…Oh shit…Oh shit fuck…!

Sables lips wrap around my…and I don’t know if she’s moving her lips or head but it feels like both and I’m soon forgetting that I’m open…that…hell anything except that she’s…that she’s sucking my cock…yeah.

“Oh God Sabe…god do it, do it suck my cock…please…please don’t stop…god I can feel it…feel your hot mouth over my hard…Oh!!!”

I arch my back and Cum…shake…it’s like my brain just got-sex-tasered…I arch and snarl out in pleasure and release like…

Well…it’s my first non-self orgasm.

And I’ve my fingers winding through my head as Sable takes me to my second…

I’m panting hard and seeing stars. I shiver as she runs her finger over my clit or cock… “Mmm…sensitive…Good…”

“Y..Yeah…”

“Charlie?”

“Mmm..?”

“Trust me?”

“Okay…….”

Sable reaches under her bed and takes out a bag and there’s a strange set of underwear and a fake penis…dildo…even with a set of balls on it and she look at me. “I’ve been thinking a lot about this….just…trust me…?”

I nod and swallow and she takes this clear bits of rubber hose out? She’s sorting through them until she nods.

“Sable…”

“Trust me baby…”

“Okay…” I bit my lip though as she opens me…strokes my clit-cock and then I feel something…?

“Sable…what?”

“It’s soft surgical tubing Charlie…I had this idea…”

“Feels weird…oh…”

“See I squeeze the end and it hugs Henry like a Chinese finger trap.”

“Ugh…’Kay…why…?”

“Because…” She hold op some clear past thing. “I fit this clip for the tube in here…then the mated end goes in the strap on…I made a hole to set it in and…”

God it feels strange her getting me to slip on the underwear and then she clips the thing into the strap on then feeds and sets the strap on in place. I feels so strange. I can feel the weight of the strap on tugging at my clit but only so much because the real weight is held up by the underwear harness.

“How’s that feel?”

“So strange…uhm…”

Sable smiles and runs her fingers over the length. “Just relax…focus and feel…can you feel it?”

It takes some time…but at the same time it’s all connected now oh…oh shit I can feel it the tug the feel, the way her touching it is translating into me with these small ways.

Like it’s sort of a sexual blind mans cane.

The more Sable does the more that I feel it, it’s not the same but it’s so much more than I ever known!

She uses lube and a light grip and gives me a hand job…there’s a point where she wraps my hand around it and I’m…oh…I’m…I’m jerking off…I’m sorry but the feel it..it being the right size and shape and my hand moving with my feeling the tug and pull…

I bring myself off hard.

Then she gives me a blow job.

Okay she’s sucking on it this time but I swear I felt the sort of give when it pushed passed her lips…the way her throat moved up and down it…I feel it and then…then seeing her looking at me in the most erotic visual…visceral thing…It got hard to breathe…and when I came this time it was with my head back…and tears running down my face.

“Finally…oh fuck finally…”

I hurt in the best way because it’s like every cell of me is screaming yes.

And Sable pulls me up by my arms then jus moves the few steps backwards to fall back on her bed…I take top.

I take top like I was meant to and even as I kiss her and worship her body I’m still feeling it…like that new tactile extension…my sex cane…touching her body…her leg…and there’s this point where I’m pressed to her making love to her breasts and I can feel my new cock pressed up between us and it feels so right…I can feel her body move through that…I can feel the little vibrations of her breathing.

Then we get to that point on me sinking into her…I feel it…the give of her vagina’s lips, the way it reacts to her inner walls of muscle as the twitch, tremble and hug…the pull on the way out…it’s not having the real thing but like I said it’s so much more than I thought that I’d ever…ever…know.

After a few minutes It just piles together…feeling that, feeling in this own new way of mine that I’m inside her…her moans, her cries, the way she moves…tastes….holding her in my hands as I move in this so…so…goddamned right way finally while Sable talks really dirty to me…

It piles together and I am totally Charlie until I literally can’t anymore and Sable’s crying. “Stop Charlie…oh…stop…no more…my pussy hurts.”

I hurt too…when I come down from the cum and still lost in afterglow manage to peel myself off of Sable our bodies sticky with sweat and cum…I wince as I slip fingers down to my clit and squeeze the tubing and pull it free…

Ow…I’m so sore there…it’s not rubbed raw but tugged on too much…more than I’m used too…I check…I’m not bleeding but a bit swollen…the strap on still protected me and took the brunt of it all…but I’m not used to this…so not used to this.

I pull Sable to me and she squeaks a little.

I’m crying now. I press into her and I hold her so tight and I spoon with her and cry… “Thank You, Thank You, Thank You….I…God I love you so much…”

“God Charlie…I…I love you too…I…can…can…we sleep some baby I think there’s smoke coming off my pussy…”

I’m blushing but I press my face into her shoulder and nuzzle, nibble a bit… “Anything…anything you want Sable…anything…”

I want to keep just like this but as things slow down and the afterglow fades I’m so beat that I spoon Sable and fall asleep with my cock still between us.

Charlie…14

Chapter 14

I wake up really slowly like that climb our of a fog but a good fog. I feel so good, sore but good…actually even the slight swelling on…on Henry feels good because it makes him feel more there as Henry.

My hips are sore, and It from.

The smile creeps across my face even now. I’m sore from giving to too my girlfriend…the right way…and I’m laying face down the strap on pressed up against my stomach it’s gel silicone whatever feeling just hard and spongy enough…and my arm and hand is resting over the smooth sweet dip where her hip meets her waist.

I really know what I’m supposed to be. I feel like I’m me. That me that I’ve been waiting for to take real root in the world and this.

I feet cemented.

Then I gotta pee.

Yeah, well I’m still not the guy that’s gonna say take a piss all the time. I slip out of bed and the strap’s bouncing as I move and I don’t even mind sitting, or getting showered. I go with cool water not cold but cool enough.

Even the shower sucks less. It still sucks but you know when there’s those times you can see the very, very real future stretching out in front of you? I’m right there. I get out and slip into the bedroom get my bag fresh underwear grey Haynes boxer briefs and Henry, the other one the stuffer one. I feel naked without him. Oh and I clean my new friend.

I toss on my Santana t-shirt and head out to the kitchen. Sable is still sleeping and that’s cool. I mean it’s the weekend and stuff so she’s allowed to but I so wore her out too. There’s this cute damned little snore that makes her sound like she’s almost purring. Her boobs are going to be sore laying face down like that. Me…I’m fine ‘cause I’m a lot less sensitive and there’s a huge difference between my shrinking A’s and her full D’s.

I look around and she’s got lots just not a lot of meat. Chicken, bacon both in the freezer she’s got eggs though. So I chop some veggies, onion, celery, Anaheim chili, sweet red bell, and make an omelet add chives, toast…hmm…there’s some red pepper jelly there that’s got some heat and cream cheese I put that on the toast just to be different and she’s got OJ in the carton in the fridge I pour that over ice. I get two coffee’s made and head into the bedroom after finding a tray.

I open the window and set down the tray and slip carefully into the bed and kiss her neck, her ears getting her moving and rolling over. Her hair’s a mess, her make up is smeared and she’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen still only three quarters awake and I kiss her.

“Good morning.”

“Uhm…yeah…wha…what time is it?”

“Getting towards eleven.”

“Oh…whadoismell?” She’s sitting up sniffing. I laugh and get the tray.

“I made breakfast.”

“You cooked?”

“Yeah, after last night the least I can do is make you breakfast.”

“You cooked for me.”

(Chuckle.) “Yeah…”

“No one’s done that.”

“Don’t get too impressed you haven’t tasted it yet.”

We eat and it’s not bad but Sable’s like making sounds like I was some professional cook or something. I’m not big on the toast but it’s be okay with like some rare tuna on it and maybe some crunched up nori stuff. But she eats hers and mine and has bites of omelet on all of it.

She looks at me a lot as we eat and she’ll stop chewing to take a sip of juice and then lean over and kiss me. The cali-sun though the windows, the breeze blowing in and no other sounds in the place but just us.

Nice, really nice.

She finishes and gets up to get cleaned up and I slip in after she’s out of the shower and wrap my arms around her waist and kiss her. She does the smile thing and lean back and we over the shoulder kiss. She turns around and I kiss her some more and then sweep her into my arms and pick her up and carry her to the bed.

(Loud free laughter.) “Charlie!”

“Yeeees?”

“What are you doing!?”

“I’m going to lay you down on the bed and make love to you.”

“Again?”

“Yes again? Is that okay?”

“Oh…god…sure.”

I kiss her and run my hands over her reveling in her body. Mine feels wrong to me but Sable under my touch feels oh so right. I lean her back and work on her breasts and ake them into my mouth. Make love to them…Guys…Guys treat her nipples as reverently and delicately as her clitty and she’ll love you so much.

I kiss my way down.

I wrap my arm around her hip and waist resting on her thigh and let her other leg slip up over my shoulder and I settle…like she’s a sweet sexy pillow…I hold her like that hugged and relaxed…like I’m home.

I use more foreplay, more kisses along her thighs, dragging my lips, taking my sweet time with her labia making her squirm and pant and cry out. Little things like rubbing my free hand on he sheets hard enough o get it really friction warm and using my hot fingers to trace her folds. She cries out “Charlie!!” so sweetly…her voice in real pleasure makes me think of angels.

She returns the favor…giving me head…and not treating me like I’m some girl…the feeling of her full lips around my….inner cock is so erotic, pleasing, soft, soft, soft up and down until I cum. My fingers in her hair as I cry-growl out. “Oh God…Sable!!!”

It’s how we spend the day until about three…making love and sleeping.

Then I call home saying I’m staying the night again and I’ll be home Sunday. After that it’s actually us just. Being us? Like we’re really together.

A walk to the grocery store and just because we want to walk. Getting some stuff for supper tonight. Walking back then I’m outside actually going through her shed, mowing the lawn and raking, using the weed trimmed and hauling out her stored patio furniture ad setting it all up then getting the BBQ going while the shed gets tidied up.

I cook the strip steaks and the baked potatoes and she made sides and desert.

God there’s this perfect moment when things are just right at us waiting to be done where we put on some nice light music and we dance on her deck together just the two of us.

“I could do this forever Charlie.”

“Me too.”

“I love you, you know that right?”

“Yeah…every time I really think about it Sable it takes my breath away.”

“It shouldn’t, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“I just sometimes thing about me and everything and wonder if you don’t deserve better.”

“No, I wouldn’t want better Charlie. I want you, you’re real, you’re amazing and human and you love me….I just want you Charlie, just you…”

“Goddamn it Sable, you keep doing that…”

“What?”

“Make me fall even deeper in love with you.”

“Too bad mister get used to it.”

“Okay Mrs.”

She smiles this huge smile and leans into me while we finish dancing. It’s this literal draping thing where it’s like the bad stuff and the fear just melted away from her. I actually felt her body do this involuntary sigh.

We eat and we don’t even go out.

Just dishes, hot cocoa and us on the couch spooning and watching TV…when it got late I put on a racy movie that we made out to until we were ready for bed.

We made love again with our new toy the soreness having gone without the tube all day. It’s even better tonight. Slower at first and getting used to it after awhile and trying things…playing, crying out, crying for real, moaning and laughing…learning each other the way that we’ve really been meant to.

We do get to those intense screaming, gasping, growly, feral in the addiction to heat sex moments. We make love, intense love…that leaves fuck-me sex far, far behind and kiss and cuddle and kiss even more.

She rolls over at one point and takes this necklace out for me. It’s just one of those black cords but it has a Saint Joe’s piece on it and it’s been wired and glued to this one day Narcotics Anonymous chip.

I look at her and she bites her lip and looks and me and holds it out. “I…I made this for you…Charlie…I…”

I lean ahead enough for her to settle it over my head and around my neck. “Thank you…I love it.”

“Good, I love you Charlie…you’re…”

Her hand settles over the medallion and she looks at me. “You’re…”

“Sable?”

“Yeah….”

“I’ll be your forever chip…”

Charlie…15

Chapter 15

There’s times when life happens and you get touched by these moments of clarity. Me it was that final straw of I’m not a girl that was my biggest and that’s been a struggle for me and last week was another one.

When Sable put that necklace charm around my neck and told me she loved me it really crystallized in that space that I love this girl and I think that I might want to spend the rest of my life with her.

Things have changed with us two in the last two months.

Yes two months since I’ve last really wrote about my life. But I’ve been busy in a good way. School’s been awesome and the asshats are starting to get over the fact that I even exist and there’s been three trans-kids all girls that have come out because of me and Sable I guess and a few gay kids too.

That got the churchies off on a wild hair there for like a week but with there being more of the LGBT crowd coming out and stuff the faculty is getting more on the ball about the bad stuff like bullying and hazing.

And part of that is too my newfound popularity on the basketball team. I’m no superstar but I’m actually pretty good too and I try really hard. There’s still people we play that underestimate me and that love to give me shit but hey winning makes the bullshit just exactly that bullshit.

I know that it’s sort of wrong really in my rebel yell psyche but being kind of popular well…it doesn’t suck.

And there’s the fact that I think that Sable has said stuff in the girls locker rooms about me that has me getting speculative looks from some people. Mostly girls and only about half of them are the lesbian crowd. But it’s only looks. Sable is the only girl that I’m really interested in.

Serious? You bet I can’t really go in with her during the meetings but afterwards I go in with a few of the other partners and significant others there. Yeah I think her wanting me there while she goes to her narcotics anonymous meets is pretty serious stuff.

I love doing that though.

It might sound corny but I like being there for her it steeps something in my heart for this is something that a guy should do. It just feels right on so many levels.

Sex has been…more than great it’s been a miracle actually. It’s taken a week or so for me to get used to the new equipment but the weight and the feelings…I can feel it…no not like a real one but that blind man cane thing well clit and attachment here…Even the heft feels right in my head and like I said the sex has been both amazing and life changing.

It’s the feelings if feeling her around me and the resistance of her flesh and all these little nuancey things that turned this experience into something that takes the pressure off. Yes I want the whole thing done but I’m willing to try waiting until they can get it right. Or at least a lot better. My breasts are pretty much gone now mostly from two lypo sessions for reduction but a Lot…yeah caps a lot of working out. The whole female body builders looking like guys is helping me out a lot and add in the hormones and dressed I can pass for a fine boned tanned guy in really good shape. I’m even starting to go shirtless.

Dad’s helping too. We’ve landscaped the back yard getting ready to put in a pool, we’ve done a lot of planting too getting some serious green going on in the yard for mom along with a brand new privacy fence. I actually love doing this kind of work carpentry and landscaping. It’s not just the inherent guy play aspect for me but I’ll admit I like tools and power tools like some girls like clothes.

Honestly I like hard work, I like the smell of dirt and earth and plants. Spruce smells and cedars are two I adore…and is there a nicer smell than fresh cut lumber?

I even picked up some work with the neighbors doing fix up jobs and gutters and painting and stuff. I’ve a great girlfriend now and actually a pretty good idea of where I’m going in life so most of it’s actually going into a savings account. Dad lends me tools and he’s given me a lot of them too just so he can buy is own newer ones but hey I figure I’m ahead of things right?

Lots though to save for…vehicle, college, my business…and honestly a ring. I’m that sure that this is it.

My brother and my sister are still sort of the same with him being his self absorbed usual and Libby well Libby has actually sort of gone deeper into shocked shutting up. It just sort of happened when she had come into my room for something and she saw me in the bathroom…shaving.

No nothing pervy I actually keep pretty smooth because it helps when you’re surfing. More precisely body hair and wet suits do not mesh well together in the long term. Most surfers that use them wax. Chaffing and salt water don’t mix.

No she walked in on me shaving my face.

I don’t have a lot to shave really but the hormones are working and it is happening and I can feel the changes as my body is really trying to make right with me brain. Still though I do have to shave now every three or four days and especially since the coach is pretty clean on the guys being clean shaven.

She just stood there and stared at me.

I could’ve said a bunch of stuff but I didn’t and I just kept going on like this was nothing new.

She’s sort of shut up about my transitioning ever since.

So yeah life’s been actually pretty decent. I know there’s that whole other shoe thing most people expect but not really. I’m a guy that was born a girl, that’s other shoe enough with everything that goes on with all of that.

……………………………………………… I wake up and smile at the scent of Sable lying beside me. She slept over last night and no, we didn’t hit the whole sexual intimacy stuff since it’s Mom and Dad’s house she still slept in the same bed as me and I’m getting to wake up with her in my arms well lying beside me and on my arm which has long since fallen asleep.

“The Bird is the word.” Starts to play on my phone as I have that ring tone set to WaveWatch for the beaches in our area and it’ll tweet me the surf report if it’s a good time to go surfing.

I love that way her lips look when she smiles. “I love that you’re the kind of guy that thinks of a song like that.” She murmurs rolling off of my arm and reaching for my phone.

“Hey I like all those cool old tunes.”

“Yeah and it’s sweet and kind of sexy, their calling out sixes we should go it’ll make for an awesome morning.”

Sixes refers to a six foot wave. That doesn’t sound like a lot but that’s actually pretty decent surfing and when you’re out there it really does translate into some fairly big water. I know there’s a lot bigger and a lot of people surf bigger waves but I’m a hobby surfer not a pro. I surf because I love to.

We get showered and the get into our surf gear and head out in her jeep down to the beach and the waves are actually really good. It’s a heavy and steady rolling tide that has them coming in with nice straight sets.

And there might be eight or nine people here surfing so that’s really good too. We grab our boards and we head out duck boarding through the crests when we need to. Well I like the work out so I actually do a lot of paddling out yeah it’s harder but that’s the point it really helps me build up arm strength.

It’s a really good morning for this there’s so many good waves there’s not a lot of waiting to get one and more than enough room and waves for everyone around too. I love days like this and I can relax and cut loose all I want. It’s really a killer way to burn off stress and it feels just amazing to just flow and cruise or to play and do tricks with the waves. It’s times like this when I’m playing around and doing tricks where I can really get that it was surfers that started skateboarding really.

Sable’s having a great time too and we’re smiling a lot once we come in and even kissing under the fresh water taps. There’s a bunch of guys coming over and two have big professional looking cameras and one has a video camera and there’s a nice looking…not that I’m gay but you know the really well cleaned up handsome Hollywood or entertainment types there with them too.

“Shit…” Sable swears into my shoulder. “I don’t need this.”

“You know these guys?”

“No, but they likely know me.”

“It’ll be okay these guys get all asstarded and I’ll take care of it.”

“Don’t you’ll get into trouble.”

“Yeah well it wouldn’t be the first time.”

I slip sort of in front of her to keep me between her and them. The last thing I really want is them getting in her face first thing today and wrecking her morning. It’s shit like this that bumps and messes with her recovery.

The good looking one come’s up and offers his hand to me. “Donovan Hart, you were really something out there this morning.”

“Uhm…thanks.”

I shake his hand but give him my best go away stare.

“Who to you surf for?”

“Uhm me?”

“Really? You’re not signed?”

“No….” Okay this is taking me in a different turn.

“You ever think about it?”

“Not really.”

He reaches into his back pocket and passes me a card. Runaway Surf? “If you ever think that you might want to try to take a shot at it you just give me a call okay….?”

“Uhm…sure…Oh…Charlie, Charlie Daniels…you might not want me to keep this.”

“Why?”

“I’m transgendered.”

“Oh…well that doesn’t matter I don’t think…if you’re ever interested we can still do it.”

“Can I think about it?”

“Sure thing Charlie.” He looks at Sable and just gives her a nod. “Miss.” Then him and the guys with him leave.

I watch them go and I look at her and she has this amused smile going on.

“What?”

“It’s kind of nice not getting recognized.” She takes the card and looks at it. “You should do this.”

“Why so I can get mocked for being me?”

“So maybe you can break a barrier or two.”

“I’m not a crusader Sable.”

“Then how about I think it’ll be cool.”

“Okay…I’ll think about it.”

Come to actually think about it I can’t think of any TG-Surfers out there either. But I’m more thinking about the money…and her ring.

Charlie-16

Chapter 16

I looked it up and there’s not a lot on the internet that I can find about transgendered surfers. Okay well there is and the thing that I’m finding the most is about MTF trans-surfers.

Mind you I mostly tried just the normal web searches and stuff but professionally or even semi-pro I haven’t really seem anyone pop up in my searches.

So I talk it over a bit with Sable and the guys on the basketball team and the coach. It’s the coach that made me make the decision.

“Charlie there’s got to be someone to do this. I know you’ve had enough regular attention with your change but in everything there has to be someone to do it first.”

“I know but really? Me?”

“Why not you? You’re a decent basketball player you’re breaking the barriers there and you’re a decent student too and you’re young. And let me tell you this young man gender aside you start getting older and the competitive sport world closes really fast. You might just be able to get enough money off of this to actually get somewhere in college and some to set aside.”

“Okay that has its appeal sir but still it’s daunting as heck.”

“It should but personally Charlie you should do this for yourself and other kids like you.”

“What would have you done when you first picked up a board and found out there was a guy just like you out there showing that he can do stuff just as well as you are now.”

That’s what ultimately won me over with this whole thing. I would’ve had some one to not just look up to while going through this but there would have been someone out there that I could look to, not up to but just to and say.

Maybe I can make it through to the other side.

I picked up the phone after talking it over with everyone and I made the call into Runaway Surf.

Donovan Hart answered and we hammered out the details and since I’m just starting out I’m able to work around my school activities a lot easier.

Okay I wasn’t expecting to be poked and prodded and sports medicine tested so much and to have a diet plan set up for me in my training. Up four in the morning every morning to go in or rather out to the beach and train.

Even when the water’s crappy and it’s been cold out I’m training. Running in the surf and wet sand every day. Swimming and swimming and more swimming even when it’s rough out and especially when it’s rough out because when you wipe out in competition you need to get back up and on the board as fast as you can because once that air horn goes off you only have so long on the clock to get as many waves as you can or do as many tricks are you can.

Trunk muscle exercises which means endless sit ups and crunches but some yoga too and pilates. Trunk muscles are important because as much as your legs are part of the whole staying on more of your control actually comes from your trunk.

And skateboarding…okay that was cool I’m getting paid to surf and skateboard and even getting coached in both by real professionals in both of these things.

But about two weeks in I’m really not seeing Sable that much except for at school. And it really has sucked and it’s been getting to me and where usually it’s hard to phase her too much after everything she’s been through I could tell it was, it is getting to her too. I’m getting ready to go to the beach for my way too early morning training session and was making my morning energy shake with milk, almond milk, whey powder, vanilla bean and three eggs and a banana when I hear a knock on my door?

Sable’s there wet from the rains no make up at all and she was shivering there in the cold.

“Sable what…? Come in here, what happened?”

“I miss you! I know it’s just me being stupid and like it’s from us getting together so fast but I miss you Charlie,” She’s shaking and crying and sobbing and I pull her into a hug.

“God I missed you too I’ve been thinking that this might not be worth it if we’re not together.”

“No….” She sobs and buries her face into my chest and sniffle-sobs into my shirt. “I don’t want to be one of those girls, I want to see you have this1 God I’m just such a mess!”

“Yeah you a mess but you’re my mess girl and I love every quirky little thing about you and I miss you like crazy.”

“You do!?” She sobby-whiny smiles at me.

“Hell yes, I love you.” I pull her in and hold her close and kiss her really long and deeply.

She’s trembling really hard too, more than from how cold she is. I pull her into the kitchen with me. “This was really bad huh?”

She just sniffles messily and is nodding into my chest. I kiss her on the top of her head. “You’ve got the shakes.”

(Sniffle.) “Yeah…..”

“Okay what helps?”

(Sniffle.) “You…”

I smile at that. “Okay and thank you but you’re jonsing aren’t you?”

She nods again into my chest. “So what helps?”

“I don’t want to get into using something else to fight this and use it as a crutch.”

“Okay, okay so…here.” I bring her over beside the stove and I crank the elements on and the oven itself and I go and get her the blanket from the sofa and wrap her up and I kiss her and then I put on some tea. Dad makes this tea that he drinks when he’s hung over that is really strong and it’s a quart of water and three tea bags of Orange Peko and one of Darjeeling and you boil the heck out of it. I open a can of milk, yeah it’s canned milk and I get two tall mugs and pour some of the milk in one but enough for two mugs and once the tea is good and strong I pour it in the other and them I pour it from one mug to the other to mix it.

It’s some East Indian or Asian thing that he picked up somewhere and it’s not bad actually and it actually needs the canned milk because it just doesn’t taste right any other way but the tea has to be like walk on it strong. I just mix it back and forth long enough for it to be cooled enough to drink.

I pass her the mug and I take mine and get another kitchen chair and park it next to hers and slip into the blanket and pull her close to me. I sip the tea with her and hold her and kiss her between our drinks.

“Better?”

“Yes, a lot…thanks Charlie if you hadn’t been here I might have go looking….”

“Maybe…but you’re stronger than that Sable, if you never got here while I was here you’d just have to call me and I’d be there.”

“I don’t want to wreck this for you.”

“I’d have done fine without this honey, you’ll come before any damned job.”

“Really?”

“Always.”

We kiss some more and I take her hand and I wrap it around the necklace she gave me and she squeezes it and I keep her hand there as Dad comes down and makes himself some of the tea and he refills ours and he starts getting things to make breakfast.

He says as he’s making stuff. “Charlie call your crew and tell them you’re taking a sick day I’ll call the school.”

“Uhm…okay…”

He’s digging leftovers out of the fridge and looks at Sable. “So you own your trailer right?”

“Yeah, it’s part of the things I won in my settlement.”

“And you and Charlie have been kind of totally missing each other with this surfing thing and it’s getting hard?”

She looks down. “Yessir.”

“Okay, problem solved.”

“Sir?”

“It’s not sir it’s Dad by now okay? And since you own the trailer we trade off with Charlie’s brother. He moves into your place and he gets to have some practice for living on his own before university and you move in here with us and you and Charlie can live together here with some adult supervision instead of him just spending every free moment at you place which hasn’t been a lot lately.”

I look at him as I come back from making my calls. “You know I’m not sleeping over just to sleep over there dad.”

He rolls his eyes and looks at me as he’s tossing the brown rice from last night into a buttered frying pan and spreading it out. “And your room is above the garage. Charlie you’re both in a relationship and yes it’s less that what a regular parent might deal with but you aren’t in regular circumstances. This will keep you too together and we can keep an eye on the two of you and run interference if we have to.”

He turns and looks at the both of us. “Sable needs to be somewhere emotionally stable and frankly Charlie she good for you. She’s been able to calm you down and help you get centered better than we could and better than the shrinks could.”

“I know…” I blush and smile and I slip back into the blanket and slip my arms around her and I hold her tightly…

“Good and don’t forget it either. I’m your father and you’re my son and that means if you act like a butthead I get to give you a good swift kick when you need it.”

“Okay dad…”

He looks at us and adds some other stuff from the fridge to a mixing bowl, ham, baby spinach, some cheese that he’s just tearing off and he’s cutting last nights green beans with a pair of scissors into the bowl when he looks at Sable.

“An you young lady. You’re part of our lives which means that there’s no more going it alone. You call us, talk to us day or night okay?”

“Okay sir.”

“Okay…we’ll work on the sir bit but okay.”

He adds eggs and the rest of the canned milk and he makes this rice take on the whole Spanish frittata thing.

I stayed home with her all day and we planned out everything. Mom was all for it and my brother was over the moon happy and stuff and Libby well Libby actually surprised me by looking good and long at us and more at Sable and hunched her shoulders and sort of growled. “Fine whatever.” Which for her was actually kind of nice seeing how I was actually expecting her to take a complete shit-fit over this.

And Mom, mom was more than cool with it which sort of had me thinking that her and Dad were talking things of like all the what-if’s before hand.

We actually took a day of it and we relaxed enough to wind down and then we started moving things. Sable left most of her furnishings for my brother and dad made up a lease saying that he could live there rent free and utility free but any extras or groceries he’d have to pay for out of his own pocket and made him put his car’s slip up against any and all damages to the trailer, property or furnishings.

I actually saw his party plans evaporate in his eyes.

Mom took Libby shopping mostly for stuff that my brother would need and likely to talk as well and they brought take out home for supper.

It was actually beyond awesome when Sable and I settled in together and curled up together after a long day in out bed.

I think we’re going to be alright, more than alright and now it’s just training until next month when the season officially starts and keeping my school up.

But having my girlfriend here, living with me.

I don’t have to miss her, she won’t have to miss me and there’s something good about knowing that if stuff comes up my parents are going to sort of be a peer couple for us.

And I guess all that’s going to be left is to do the best that I can with this surfing thing and hopefully make enough money for college and a car but more importantly a ring.

I’m going to marry this girl if she’ll let me.

*** End of Charlie…Book one.

I’d like to thank everyone who has read and enjoyed this story up to this point and have taken the time to read and comment your time and attention was deeply appreciated.

*Great Big Hugs*
Bailey.