This is a follow on from my autobiography, A Tale of Release chapter 1

Review of first part

It would seem that the softness of silk and nylon had always been a fascination to me even from the age of three but never more than at the age of forty-seven after losing over 43kg or nearly 95lbs in the old terms. For some unknown reason I found myself standing in front of the bedroom mirror dressed in only a black bra, knickers, garter belt and stockings looking at myself and admiring what I saw in the mirror. The body was thinner than I could remember being for over thirty years and the whole image exploded in my head in a way that made my mind reel. Suddenly the doubts of the past came pouring back into my head, was I meant to be a girl, what would it be like, and what sort of girl I would be? The stream of images, doubts and questions bombarded me for a long time even after removing the clothes and putting them back neatly into their proper place so that I would not be found out.

But something had changed, like the Search for the Holy Grail I had a mission; to answer the questions and solve the doubts in my own mind. It was a period in my life that was very stressful and it was taking a toll on my peace of mind as well as my ability to cope with the demands of work and the problems that had grown over the years to a point where they needed fixing once and for all.

I wanted to get clothes but was too afraid to go shopping in person so eBay became a way of getting things without getting caught. My first purchase was a really nice pink bra, my first bra, I now know why the first one is so special for girls, it marks a time of change of growing up and becoming a woman. Little by little I purchased items on e-bay and had them sent to the post box that I had set up near work so that it was easy to collect. Each time something arrived I would race home trying to get there before anyone else and have time to try it on. Sometimes the purchase was rubbish, far from what the seller advertised, other times it was just great value and fitted perfectly.

One of the threads I followed on the web related to makeover services in the states and with an interstate business trip coming up I changed my searching to find a location that could help me find the girl within. A few recommendations, a couple of emails and the booking was made for six weeks time, just enough time to increase my wardrobe, makeup and accessories before flying out in search of the Holy Grail. At the hotel I waited until the time was close then had a very close shave, twice, just to make sure the beard would stay hidden for several hours. It was only a short taxi ride but one that had taken a lifetime to start, as I knocked at the door I knew my nerves were on edge but the goal lay close at hand and I had to go through with it, I had come too far to miss out. As she opened the door and I introduced myself there was a sense of being at the start of a window cleaning exercise, removing the grime so that I could see the girl within.

A month later while laying in bed, before the day started, Janet told me about a dream she had overnight, I was very confused, I knew I had to tell Janet, I also knew it would hurt both her and me. Confusion and fear raged within my head, could I survive, would Janet leave me, would it hurt her so much that she would go into depression again. Telling Janet about my feeling and the things I had done took over an hour and all the way through I shared my fear of losing her and the worry of being rejected. Janet consistently affirmed her love for me and the promise to stay with me and see this thing through to the end. I was surprised at her response and just kept trying to explain what transgenderism was and how it had been part of my life for so many years yet I was just finding out what it meant. We talked about how the boss would react and I thought it better not to tell them at work yet.

Over the next few days we discussed it several times and I eventually fronted up to work and told my boss about the issue and asked to stand down from major decision making areas while I sorted out the issue with Janet. I told him because there was no thought of not being supported through something that I saw as a need in my life. There was never a real thought of losing my job or being ridiculed, after four months I was sacked from work, it was cold, harsh and immediate with no compensation or warning.

The pressure on our marriage was considerable and at times it caused so much pain that we could have just walked away from the entire scene and never return, but at other times we knew we needed answers. The impact on our physical health was also hard to handle, pain and sleep loss, trouble with recurring injuries and just a feeling of loss and depression that remained with both of us on a daily basis. Thoughts of suicide came frequently along with depression and anger at being treated like worthless rags, discarded rather than cleaned, torn rather than repaired.

And now the story of what could have been!

Kerry sat at her desk in the spare bedroom, of her two bedroom unit, looking out of the window half watching and half remembering the last ten months. The desk was her father's old roll top desk with leather insert and small drawers for envelopes and stamps, very neat and tidy but not practical for a full desktop computer system. She used it for her writing and bill keeping with a laptop filling most of the desk area when it was used. The last year and a half had flown by and only now could she sit and think about it without bursting into tears. Her new boss, Bill, had seen the pain and confusion over the last 18 months and had insisted that she take two weeks off work and go away. Actually what Bill had seen was the pain Paul had gone through, initially he knew nothing about Kerry. He had always suspected that there was more to Paul than he could prove but didn’t want to know too much as he may have to make a decision about it.

Kerry’s mind drifted back over the time, Paul was more and more troubled by the conflict within his mind about being transgendered but not able to communicate the depth of his feelings to his wife. Kerry had been locked away and all of her clothes, shoes, makeup and jewelry thrown away, as far as others were concerned Kerry was dead. Paul had gone through many counseling sessions but Kerry had never gone away, he was not in need of healing or fixing up, it was their problem not his or hers. The tension continued between Paul and Janet with both shutting down their communications as if Kerry would just go away and things could return to normal. It never did return to normal and gradually the split became noticeable to others as well as Paul and Janet.

The physical split occurred one day when Janet walked into the house to find Paul sitting on the settee crying. “I can’t continue to live like this, and you deserve better” he said as Janet held his hand, she had dreaded this talk for many months but as it came she thought that everything would be OK. The pressure of lodging legal action against the directors of Paul’s last employer had drained them both, the simple process of ensuring confidentiality exploded when the directors retaliated with counter action seeking compensation and damages for Paul’s ‘deceptive lifestyle’. The legal bill had grown to twenty grand and still no result was in sight, the tension was ripping them apart.

Paul took a few days off work to talk with the kids about his decisions and what Janet would be telling them about his “problem” and why they had decided to split. It was not going to be easy to hide the main issue so Paul accepted that he had to be open about everything and hope the kids, who were actually all adults, would still love him and understand what he was doing and why. It was also a time to find a suitable small unit to rent and move out his clothes, some furniture and his business gear. Paul made sure that his old bank account was still active and with Janet’s knowledge they split the bank balance and locked the joint credit card accounts. Janet was to stay in the house and they would jointly maintain it until a decision would be made about divorce or reconciliation.

Paul had gone through the house and divided the furniture like the spare double bed, the second lounge suite, a full set of crockery with eight settings, the second dining table and chairs, the small fridge and the freezer. As they divided the house it was surprising how much he would actually end up with, the main shortage was a microwave and pans, a small cost compared to the main items. The unit came equipped with a washer and dryer so that could wait until he made firmer plans, he called a removalist to make it easier and the rest of his clothes fitted into the car and as he drove away Janet felt that he would not be coming back. Sitting next to him in the car was the unseen Kerry, she was excited about the future but concerned for the hurt Paul was about to feel.

Compared to their house the unit felt small and had limited access but was well placed for work and the river, about twenty years old but it had been refurbished recently. Paul planned to set aside one of the bedrooms as an office for work and had arranged a wireless broadband account so that connection would be alright until he could decide about buying a house or unit for himself. The furniture was easily moved in, the basic nature of the unit was fine for a few months but not over the long term. The removalist had left as Paul finished putting his clothes away in the wardrobe the impact of what he had done and the loneliness hit him. He turned around and sat down on the bed and cried, there was nothing Kerry could do except watch and let some of the pain they both felt flow out of the body they shared.

The next day was Saturday so Paul went shopping for the simple necessities of the house, microwave cooker, ironing board, mop, cleaning material, food, pantyhose, hair remover, nail polish remover, makeup, just a starting point. Another decision Paul made was to set timeframes for certain goals such as weight, hair, clothing etc, the first one to arrive would be the use of male underwear. He had decided that no male underwear would be washed and this meant that the ten or so pairs of jocks had only one more wearing before being thrown in the bin. This would force him to go to a nearby lingerie shop and procure enough knickers for a whole week or more so his first visit took place on Saturday afternoon.

The shop was positioned on a mixed use road, residential and commercial so foot traffic was mainly limited to prams and joggers heading to the local park. Paul drove past the shop carefully checking out the customers then parked the car just up the road and walked back to the front door, the place was empty and a single salesperson stood drinking her coffee behind the counter. Paul walked around the shop nervously looking at the treasure trove of clothes.

“Hi can I help you with something today?” asked Lisa smiling at Paul. “Our house was ransacked recently when it was robbed and my wife’s lingerie drawer ended up being thrown away” said Paul testing the storyline as he went “so she needs some nice stuff to replace what thirty years had collected please.” Lisa showed Paul some nice things but at this point Paul just wanted to get the basics “I was thinking of buying her some nice pants to replace the basic cotton ones she has been putting up with.” Paul chose a couple of sets of white silk and some light blue and some in what looked like a very tight black Lycra. He paid the bill and left fairly quickly without chatting or stopping to check out the rest of the shop.

His second visit was a few days later on the Thursday after work, Lisa was serving again and she remembered Paul’s visit from Saturday, “how did the wife like the pants?” she asked Paul “oh, very nice thanks” Paul said clumsily. Lisa let him walk around the shop looking at different things as she watched him, there was something that made Lisa twig about Paul’s real intentions.

“My name is Lisa, look I may be totally off base with this but can I ask who the bits are for?” Lisa said watching the sudden reddening of Paul’s face. “Sorry I didn’t mean to be rude it’s just that I like to make sure our customers are totally happy” Lisa said still watching Paul’s face “are they for you?”

Paul looked at her trying to decide if she was very observant or just making an outrageous guess and could he trust her. “We have several clients that enjoy our lingerie selections under their normal clothes, if you know what I mean” Lisa said feeling that she was not going to get a direct answer to her question. “What style are you looking for day wear or more risqué?” she asked Paul trying to get any lead as to what he wanted. “I need all of the basics to start with please” Paul said in quiet tones, “do you have anything apart from the things you bought on Saturday?” Lisa asked him, Paul shook his head. “Can I offer something special for you, we normally close at around seven on Thursdays, why don’t you go home change and come back wearing just a track suit or similar, I’ll close the shop and you can choose without being disturbed.”

Paul was back at quarter to seven wearing just sneakers and track suit without a t-shirt underneath waiting for Lisa to shut the shop. The outside light was turned off and the door blind was pulled down to give some privacy, “just come outback to the fitting rooms so I can check your measurements then we can start choosing something nice for you” Lisa told him while still being careful not to offend her new client. Lisa measured and noted every part of his body that counted but it would come down to trying them on for most things. “My plan is to lose at least 20kg over the next eight months so I need nice but not too expensive please” Paul said, letting Lisa in on his grand plan in just the smallest way. Camisole tops and night shirts, pants and garter belts all mounded up on the counter as Lisa helped to dress Paul in some nice items that he had only dreamt of for the last two years. “I really need a couple of bras as well but have no idea what size I should be” Paul said looking at the matching sets to his knickers. Lisa suggested that any size 38 would do depending on how big he wanted to look, the jump from just wearing some lingerie to presenting as a woman had just been made without Paul noticing the subtle switch in her focus.

Paul chose a couple of delicate numbers based purely on fitting size and colour to match his other bits, he had decided on a C cup size and thought that would allow some shape without being over the top. Lisa had only ever had a couple of clients that went the extra distance but she was well aware of what would be required for Paul to do a good job, “we also have some things that you will find very helpful” she said and showed him the control briefs at the back of the shop. By the time he had added on a body stocking, a nicely shaped one piece, silk topped stockings and more pantyhose the bill came to well over two hundred dollars and Paul knew that Lisa would be making a nice bonus on the out of hours sale. As Paul was picking up his bags Lisa told him that if he called in advance she would be happy to stay back and help him anytime. The first goal of new underwear had been reached within the set time, actually four days ahead of time.

The internet connection was going to get a pounding as e-bay was anonymous and Paul could shop without any threat. He arranged for a post office box near work to allow for regular pickups of mail and net purchases during daytime hours. The spare room had been set up as an office but with a second wardrobe area, Kerry would have a place for her stuff. Back at work Bill asked Paul how things were going and assured him of the availability of timeout if needed, his job would not be at risk. The projects could wait but Paul wanted to get back into it as a coping mechanism and take his mind off the pain, or that is what he told Bill. One of the guys had gone through separation a year earlier and offered to help Paul if he had any problems, an offer of joining them for drinks at a local pub after work to help Paul get over it was far from where Paul was at and had to make suitable thanks and promise to ask if he had anything to talk about. The reality was that even after fourteen days he had planned the next six months like a precision project and wanted to get started, he knew the goals and targets that had to be hit as well as the cost of each step. Hair grows at 2cm per month his hairdresser had once told him so deciding on hair length and amount of time available the rest was just mathematics. The internet was a great tool for shopping, clothing and medical services could be compared and researched without anyone knowing your name or location.

Paul sought the advice of a registered psychiatrist to give some stability and also help in the paperwork if he decided to proceed into a real life test (RLT) in the future, although the future was getting clearer every day. The initial consultation was very low key as doctor Anne got Paul to talk about the feelings he had gone through over the last two years and what he thought the future may look like. At the next visit the usual gender identification test, the hormone tests, and the psych evaluation were done to give Anne a clear picture to work with. At the end of the session she confirmed a higher feminine rating than normal, for a male, and also significant trends towards transgenderism. Anne finished her analysis with “there is really only one question that is still unanswered, when do you intend to start the RLT?” Paul had to think quickly about the answer. Finally he said “I guess that is still my main question isn’t it” he had no idea how it would be possible to transition at work or if he would look any good as a woman without serious rework of his face and body. Sessions were planned for every two months just to make sure he was still on a stable footing and prepare the RLT papers if needed.

As Paul’s emotions settled down he found that single living was much better than living in a house where there was too much stress and no communication. Janet had sought legal advice incase Paul didn’t return, what would be the best way of handling the money and investment property without losing tax advantages or future wealth. It was decided that Janet should rent a small unit and the main house should be rented out along with the other property under the company name thereby making each person equal partners under law. She chose a unit near the beach with just a short term lease agreement just in case Paul returned, although it was looking less likely each week.

They met each fortnight to cover the bills and talk things through but after three months the meetings got shorter and Paul kept the personal talk to a minimum. Janet noticed that his hair was much longer and he had lost quite a few kilos, his clothes looked somehow different than she had seen him wear before. If Janet had seen Paul during the weekend inside the unit she would have known the name of the woman that was bringing about such changes in his life, it was Kerry. Slowly Kerry added to her wardrobe, several visits to the lingerie shop where Lisa understood Paul had different needs and tried to make shopping easier.

The local hair dresser provided more than just haircuts and Paul got his chest and back waxed at his first visit, the next visit was to get them redone as well as his arms. The salon was only small and closed early on Thursday nights but Paul arranged for an appointment after hours to get his hair styled with a more flexible or slightly feminine style. By the third month Paul had both ears pierced and skin tone studs in them for work but as soon as he got home they got swapped for larger gold hoops or dangling earrings that touched his neck as they swung around. Makeup was a huge learning curve and Paul had a lit mirror installed in the bedroom along with a great magnifying mirror on an extension arm in the bathroom.

The other main choice he made was to only buy good quality makeup after trying some of the cheaper products he found that better quality also meant less use and better look, lipstick was a good example thicker and brighter as well as longer lasting. Eye liner and mascara seemed to go on just so much better and the finished look was well worth the extra cost. Paul’s mother had always said “never buy tat” or in plain English “you get what you pay for so don’t waste your money.” Now he was very certain she meant only buy goods skirts and dresses, so Paul did just as she instructed even knowing that the early purchases would be thrown away or sold online via eBay. One of the outfits Kerry had owned when she first arrived nearly three years earlier was a fully lined knee length grey skirt that felt just so good she had to have one just like it.

Being very good at retaining information such as website URL’s fashion label names etc it only took Paul a few minutes to track down a consultant that sold the clothes through a party plan option. Of course neither Paul nor Kerry had any plans to front up to a room full of real women and try on the clothes, but by offering a decent sale it was possible to arrange an out of hours private party for one at minimal notice to fit in with the consultants plans. Paul met Renee one Wednesday evening after a group booking had been cancelled the day before, they had talked over the phone and by referring to her work with the local cross dressers support group Paul was able to convince her that he was safe.

Paul fronted up wearing the same track suit he wore to Lisa’s shop but carried a bag of bits, bra inserts, wig, three pairs of shoes etc, he already had on pantyhose, camisole and bra as well as basic makeup. “Can I ask for one favour?” asked Paul “can I just make a few small changes and then please call me Kerry, it will save a lot of confusion for both of us.” Renee had no problems and let Kerry have some privacy while she adjusted herself, her camisole and bra showing as the track suit top was unzipped partly after inserting the breast forms to give the shape she wanted. They talked about styles and fittings etc as Renee flicked through several racks of current designs, Kerry loved the shopping in person and total safety of it all. The entire range was geared towards more mature ladies thought Kerry and although she thought of herself as being young she kept going back to one phrase, ‘age appropriate dressing’.

Renee helped Kerry select good fitting clothes that still would look good if she lost more weight, then it was dressing time and Renee asked if Kerry needed to be alone. “If you don’t mind I would appreciate your advice, I’m still new at this girl stuff” Kerry laughed trying more to make herself at ease than Renee. The new styles looked very nice and Kerry could have spent a good five hundred without thinking but she still had 10kg to go and that would be nearly two dress sizes. Understanding the problem Renee showed Kerry a rack of last year's demo stock that she had out back in her work room, one of the dresses she loved was on the rack but just too small, next month it would fit she told herself and took it straight away. Every two months Renee would call Kerry and see if she wanted to drop in, the clothes that no longer fitted her grew slowly as buying was far more fun than selling. It would be Renee that helped Kerry with many of her work outfits later on and just a good sense of what fitted with her body shape.

By the end of four months and with the help of hormones the body hair was reducing as was his waistline while the bust line had marginally increased, just an increase in the size of his aureoles with slight swelling behind them. Paul had decided that the first six months would be to get down to the right body size and change features that could, if anything happened, be undone and return to normal Paul mode. The web gave so many locations that could provide facial feminization surgery (FFS), sex reassignment surgery (SRS) or breast augmentation (BA) from London to LA and Thailand to Toronto. The prices varied depending on the local health prices but Thailand was by far the closest to Paul’s bank account, all these things would only take place if Paul changed his mind. The lawyer called about the legal action and gave Paul an update and then found out about the split of the marriage, Andrew wanted to know about Paul’s plans and offered his services if needed.

After six months Paul was down to 68kg and his waistline was down to just 30” with hips still at 36” and a chest of 36 but only enough breast matter for fill an A cup. A couple of extra visits to see Lisa in the lingerie shop helped keep Paul in good fitting underwear and it was her that spotted the growth in chest size. “I see that something is changing up top dear” Lisa said as she measured Paul for another bra one Thursday night after closing time, “just a few hormones nothing much , yet” he said in a playful voice. Lisa had been showing Paul some of the latest gear to arrive and he spotted a very nice dark blue corset that had just been unpacked “that looks absolutely fantastic, how much for me?” Paul asked Lisa not really concerned at how much it was since he could already see it hanging in the wardrobe at home.

Lisa measured under his chest and waist then found a corset that would fit properly, “slip off all your gear and I will help you put this on” Lisa told Paul rather than ask him, he had stopped being shy with her after the first time she saw him wearing the pants and was already stripping off. Lisa held the strings in place as she pulled each set tighter, top to middle then bottom to middle, Paul held his breath and then had to take small gasps of air until he settled down. The second tightening caused more pain and less air but the impact was stunning, the mirror did not lie about the hourglass shape that was being formed. Paul had brought with him the high quality breast forms that he had just ordered from a web store, size 5/6 or C cup, they sat on his hairless chest resting in the corset cups like precious jewels enclosed in silk and lace. The garter straps hung down his legs just waiting to be connected, Paul grabbed a pair of fine denier dark blue stockings and rolled them up his legs, then fed the straps under his silk pants and clipped them onto the stockings. Standing in the dressing room was the body of a well dressed woman as long as the face was covered, there was no appearance of hair or excess fat on the body and even the bump looked well hidden.

“Would you like to wear it home or do I put it into a bag for you?” said Lisa snapping Paul out of the spell binding image in the mirror. “I think we both know the answer to that one Lisa” Paul said as he turned around looking at the image again. The ride home was agonizingly slow for Paul, the traffic just crawled for some reason stopping him from getting home quicker. Unlocking the unit the first thing he did was pull off his track suit and sneakers then put on a pair of heels, the image had made it all the way home without changing except the posture was better with 3inches of heel causing the body to distort slightly. Any thought of dinner had vanished and Paul opened the wardrobe and selected the skirt he had purchased from Renee recently and put on a white silk blouse.

The corset made everything fit just so much better even if breathing was still difficult, the girl in the mirror was starting to look thinner and would need some padding at this rate. Paul applied a light coat of makeup and lipstick then went out into the lounge room, the curtains still open allowing Paul to see out to the river and city lights. He wanted to go out for a walk but could only bring himself to sit on the patio and drink his tea while feeling the restriction of the corset pressing into his ribcage.

The sun had set long ago and the moon was shining over the river casting light down the bicycle path that he rode on for exercise. Just as he was about to walk inside he changed his mind and opened the back gate and walked down to the river's edge looking around as he went, the click of heels on the cement path sounded like gunshots to Paul’s ears, he could imagine everyone in the district hearing the noise knowing that a man in a dress was out walking. Being outside the safety of the unit was a major step for Paul and one that he had not planned for at least another few months when the body had finished changing and hair was long enough to not require a wig. Paul stayed up reading and enjoying the feelings that flowed through his body longing for the time when this would be the norm rather than the exception. That weekend Paul asked Jill to pierce the ears again and this time to insert small diamond studs higher up the lobe, with the gold hoops they looked just so sexy.

 

A surprise from the legal system, the first meeting of Kerry and the Ex.
A change of viewpoint and Kerry keeps emerging.

Enjoy!

The hormones kept working and so did the salon to make the girl Paul wanted to see again. Electrolysis was expensive and had a side effect that lasted for several days so could not be done on visible areas during normal working periods. A hospital in Mt Lawley offered tracheal shaving as elective surgery and could be done over a long weekend so after lodging the divorce papers Paul scheduled day surgery for a Friday of a 3 day weekend. The operation would also make some adjustment to the voice box and raise the voice pitch at the same time for under three grand. On the day of the surgery Paul was both nervous and very excited and as he went under general anesthetic his prayer was that he would wake up and still have a voice, only higher pitched. Swallowing for the next few days was hard but by Tuesday the pain had gone and so had most of the redness that he blamed on sunburn when he went back to work on the Tuesday.

The court had appointed a mediator to help the divorce negotiations but Paul and Janet had decided on some very basic things, the company would stay in place as it gave the best long term security for both Janet and Paul. The household goods had already been split evenly, Janet took the newer car and Paul the older one and a small credit card debt. The yacht had already been sold and used to offset the loans and credit card debts, it was meant to bring Joy but had missed the mark badly. The mediator was happy that everything would be amicable as it reduced the stress on everyone and made less paperwork, the divorce would be easy to process and only take a few extra months given the separation time. The kids had been supportive of both parents and said that they wanted to try and understand what Paul was going through even if they had ideas that were based more on the media image than reality. Occasionally they would meet Paul for coffee or lunch during the week but agreed that they would only visit his flat on invitation to give him privacy. Emails and internet messenger worked well for two of them and long phone calls for the other but slowly they saw the changes and knew that their father was vanishing before their eyes.

Andrew called a few weeks later on and asked Paul to come into the office for some paperwork, “is this going to be more money?” asked Paul with his typical whit. Andrew told him to just come in and not to worry; it would be mostly good news and arranged to meet Paul the next day around mid afternoon. Paul went home after the morning and changed into a far more casual look than he would normally use to visit the lawyers office. Andrew had not seen Paul since before the split as most of their conversations took place over the phone, Andrew had to come to terms with some very obvious changes in Paul that now presented such as far less weight, longer hair, gentler facial features, longer nails with what Andrew thought was a hint of light pink nail polish and very light coat of lipstick. These were just two things that Paul had adopted to increase a feeling of femininity, he loved the feeling of lipstick as he worked or sat reading at home. Although Andrew had known about Kerry from his brief about the dismissal it still came as a shock to see the changes.

As Paul sat listening to Andrew he heard about the sudden change in situation, Andrew had made an appointment with the lawyers for the directors and had outlined the marriage split and that the claim for damages would be increased in line with the split. The result was an out of court settlement by the insurance company under the Directors and Officers section; incidentally it was put in place by Paul prior to being sacked. The directors had accepted liability for wrongful dismissal and not following due process while the insurers agreed to half of the limit of the policy instead of a court case. Andrew put a document in front of Paul for him to read and then sign, a Notice of Release, to be signed by both parties. It contained the usual disclaimers and accepting of no further rights or claims that were standard in legal proceedings. The fine print included the settlement amount of $1m as final and total settlement.

Paul froze as he read the fine print and had to ask Andrew if he was joking about the amount, he had no thoughts of money when he started the process. The Directors had taken advice and with the help of the insurers agent it was seen that the case could cause a much higher figure if they pursued action against Paul. The money would be released within 28 days into the lawyers trust account, his costs would be deducted but still around $950,000 would be passed onto Paul. It didn’t take more than a second for Paul to ask for the money to be split to both of them although Andrew advised that the money was legally only Paul’s as Janet had no claim on it as the claim was in his name only.

Leaving the lawyers he speed dialed Janet’s mobile, she would be nearly home and he wanted to tell her about the settlement. Paul asked if he could come around as he had some special news, Janet now preferred a neutral place for coffee where she could walk away if she felt like it, so it was down to the port and cappuccino strip. As Paul walked up to the café Janet could see Paul and she couldn’t help but see some of the changes over the last eight months, the hips, the waist, the way he walked and the hair was now shoulder length and most definitely an unusual cut. He stepped up to the table and pulled out the chair to sit on at the table, she noticed the length of his light pink nails and the piercing in both ears, her husband was changing and only now had she really noticed it.

They both ordered coffees and Janet ordered cake with Paul declining saying that he didn’t feel hungry, actually he was close to goal weight and was looking forward to fitting into a size 10 or lower. Paul told Janet about the lawyers work to finish the claim, the “Without Prejudice” acceptance of wrong doing and the dropping of the counter claim. Of course the fees had gone up to $50,000 but they had a result, Janet choked on her cake at the cost and was concerned about paying the bill. Paul didn’t leave her long, “they have settled out of court, do you want to know how much?” he asked Janet, “we never asked for money” replied Janet. Paul told her about Andrew’s work and the insurance policy he had put in place to cover such mistakes by the directors and the limit being $2m, he then told her that he had been given $1m minus the bills.

Janet was glad it was over and that the bill would not hurt her but she had no money and Paul had it all. “I have instructed Andrew to send you 400 grand when it arrives” he told Janet, she just sat there stunned. “Are you sure you want to do this after all it was you they hurt?” she asked but Paul had made up his mind and told her to stop arguing and just accept it when it arrived. The tension she felt lifted as she started thinking about the future and how to spend the money, a new unit, a new car and some for later. Paul had already done the planning and as they shared their plans they were identical, as always, Janet chose a lifestyle village near the beach and Paul thought about buying the river side unit in East Perth he rented, Janet wanted a new car with better fuel economy and Paul said he was thinking about a Mercedes SLK230 coupe 2 door for around $55k, well almost the same as Janet.

Janet asked Paul about the changes that were now very obvious, where was Paul heading and was he sure that it wouldn’t hurt his future, Paul had been prepared for this talk and had a point by point plan to share with Janet. “I am not sure how far I will go but I have decided that some of the time I want to live as Kerry” he told her. “I guessed that much when you walked out but how far will you go?” Paul started slowly and went back over the last few years and talked about not knowing where he sat in the TG spectrum, doubts and fears of being controlled by everyone’s preconceived ideas. “Ultimately I want to find out what it is like” he said “and I know that may hurt you.” Janet thought about the last few years and how much Paul had shared about his feelings and the confusion in his mind let alone the hurt of being sacked and loosing friends. She had to admit it was not her choice but it was now solely Paul’s choice to make and only he would take the pain if it went wrong. “I haven’t made a final decision about sex change surgery, yet” he said knowing that it was only partly true. Janet watched as Paul had flicked his hair and played with the earrings that she could now see clearly, the hand movements were more like a woman and then the bumps in his shirt became obvious to her. She just looked at him and knew that he had made up his mind and sooner or later Kerry would be out and about. “When can I meet Kerry, it’s about time I saw what she looks like?” she asked Paul. “I hadn’t expected that, would you like to come for dinner on Saturday?” he replied trying to gather his thoughts.

The meeting finished shortly after they chose a time for dinner and Paul walked back to his car wondering what to wear for his coming out to Janet. Paul rang Jill at the salon on the next day and asked about a special session after work on Thursday and could they do his nails as well. Paul told Bill that he would be working from home on Friday but it was so he could get ready for Saturday. Thursday night came around quickly and Paul raced home straight after work, showered, shaved, changed hair style and fitted the breast forms into the bra cups, a modest amount of makeup to just hide the male features then some nice lipstick. A pair of tight jeans and a thin sweater that covered the bra straps, she put on a pair of knee hi’s and heels to complete the look. Kerry put on her necklace, some rings and a watch then picked up her keys, this would be the second time out but one that had been prepared over the last seven months. The salon was always empty by the time Kerry got there so the only concern would be the owners reaction to Kerry being there instead of Paul. Driving in heels was no problem and one she had done several times in the country or late at night, the drive was only a few minutes and Kerry could have walked the distance in just over fifteen minutes but the car was safer.

Kerry parked the car near the front door and could see Jill inside just tidying up after the last client had left. She waited trying to calm her nerves before opening the door of her car, she walked up to the salon and entered as Jill came out from the back room, “sorry, we are closed tonight but I can make an appointment for tomorrow if you wish” she told Kerry. “Jill, I have an appointment for tonight check your book for Paul” Kerry told Jill with a smile on her face and a stunned look on Jill’s face. “About time I saw the real you” she replied after hugging Kerry “it has been a long time coming hasn’t it” as Jill turned the lock on the door and put out the external light and sign. Jill tossed Kerry’s hair around and ran her fingers through it while she thought about how she could help Kerry become clearer. “What about a hint of colour or do you still have to be plain old Paul at work?” she asked “just a small hint would be fine but don’t make it too bold, I don’t want to come out too much just yet.” Jill had a quick look at the booking and saw that nails had been circled as an optional extra, “let me just make a phone call before we start” Jill said. As Kerry had her hair washed and Jill started to trim the hair into a more ladylike style the front door opened and in walked one of the other workers. “This is Karen, she does the nails and some extras that I know you will love” Jill said introducing Karen to Kerry. “Jill made no mention of Paul and just let Karen get on with her preparation. The style Kerry had been working towards could be used by either Paul or Kerry depending on how it was blown dry or combed but real nails would be much harder to hide and so would thinner eyebrows.

Jill finished cutting the hair and applying the dye as Karen moved to her table and asked Kerry what shape she wanted for her nails. As the hair dye was working, Karen filed Kerry’s fingernails into the shape Kerry had asked for, buffed them and prepared for the nail polish. Acrylic’s would have been great but not just for a weekend. Jill washed out the dye and then used the blow dryer to shape the hair into the style Kerry had chosen. Karen finished the nails and applied three full coats of colour and enamel cover, “they should last for at least a week as long as you aren’t a mechanic” she laughed. Jill nearly choked at the comment but Kerry simply replied that she was into computers and hoped the keyboard was gentle on her.

When Karen finished the nails Jill suggested that a bit of makeup work would be good for Kerry to go with the new hairstyle and nails. Jill wheeled out a trolley with a huge makeup kit on it and a magnifying mirror, “let me just trim those eye brows for you and thin them out a little” suggested Jill knowing that little adjustments would be needed. Over the next half an hour Jill and Karen made small changes and applied a subtle makeover that made her eyes stand out and complimented the new hair colouring.

They didn’t let Kerry see her face until they finished but when they were both happy Jill turned the chair so that Kerry could see the mirror. The small changes made major impact on her mind and emotions, she wanted to cry but knew it would mess up the makeup, she wanted to sit there and take it all in. Karen could sense that something was happening within this girl but had no idea why a simple makeover would make a girl get so close to crying.

When Karen had packed up and left it was just Kerry and Jill standing there, “would you like to go for a drink and a chat” asked Jill. Kerry was still looking at herself in the mirror with thoughts running through her head about Sydney, the future, the past, how good she looked, “sorry I was deep in dream world, what did you say?” Jill asked again and assured Kerry that she looked good enough to go outside into public. Jill closed the shop and offered to drive if Kerry wanted to leave her car at the shop, so they headed off to South Perth for coffee.

Kerry sat in the car and tried to make the adjustments to her mind, the body was changing in small amounts but suddenly the hair and face had made major changes. Jill pulled up and parked the car near the foreshore and a café that was still open, there were a number of outside tables overlooking the water towards the city lights on the other side. Jill had already gone and paid for the parking ticket and was placing it on her car as Kerry was still slowly climbing out of her side trying very hard to remember the correct posture, trying to come to terms with who she was and get the nerves under control. Jill took her by the arm and half led her and half dragged her into the café as they chose a seat facing the window and waited for the waiter. Kerry was nervous as this was a major step for her, out as the girl she wanted to be but who could tell that she was really a guy. Jill ordered a bottle of wine and some Turkish bread and dip since she was ready for dinner while Kerry drank the first glass in record time, a sure signs of nerves. Jill suggested that some real food would be good while they talked.

Jill looked at Kerry and saw her looking all around the café checking out the patrons and understood her concern. “How often do you get out in public as Kerry?” she asked, “this is my second time out fully dressed, why?” “Relax, they are more concerned in their food and wine than playing spot the man in a dress, anyway you look fantastic and even Karen couldn’t tell.” Kerry leaned towards her and quietly said “what they see and what I feel may be the same but inside I still have the fear of being laughed at.” As they sat there for a good hour Kerry told Jill about the journey, Jill asked questions and assured Kerry that she looked good. Out of the corner of her eye she watched a couple of business guys who kept looking over at them but mainly at Kerry. Jill would become a good sounding board over the next year and they would have many Thursday evening meals together after work.

Jill dropped her off at her car with a hug and cheek kiss, “you were fine tonight and no one was laughing at you or even noticed any difference” Jill said as she closed the car door and drove off. Kerry started to drive home but changed her mind instead she decided to head back to the riverfront for a walk along the foreshore and time to think. She parked the car in a 15 minute spot that wouldn’t require a ticket and looked up and down the foreshore for people. After a few minutes of checking and rechecking she stepped out of the car and closed the door, stepping onto the pavement made the classic noise that she loved.

The moon was out and the sea breeze had vanished, a perfect night for a walk along the riverfront and Kerry did walk for nearly an hour, stopping regularly to enjoy the view or check for people. The tour boats and river ferries had stopped for the night, the cafes had closed by the time she got back to her car with her confidence and peace of mind greatly improved. She had come to a new point in her understanding of whom she was and where she was going. Kerry drove home just a bit lighter and less troubled than before, and all due to a change of hair style and a coat of paint as Paul would have said if he was still around.

That night she left the makeup on and slept in her bra and nightie almost as a sign of coming out at last but she also wanted to hold onto the feelings. This was not like the time in Sydney where there was no choice of not going back, this was her decision to continue with life as Kerry, it was probably this day that made the final decision easier for her, going back was not a thing she wanted. She slept well but had major cleaning to do the next morning what with Panda Eye’s and makeup all over the pillowcase.

Friday was a day to clean the house and prepare for Janet’s visit on Saturday evening, she also called Jill and thanked her for all her help the night before and could she do a quick makeup job last thing on Saturday afternoon. Kerry did the house work, then made a bold decision to go shopping at a small local supermarket so she replicated the outfit and look of last night. She chose flat heeled shoes rather than high heels, being five ten drew enough attention for a girl, let alone a guy with boobs. The shopping centre was not crowded at midday as she expected so made a straight line for the trolleys and started shopping, the canned food and household bits were easy to get. Kerry took longer to choose some extras from the makeup area selecting some of the things she saw Karen use last night. All the time she checked out the other shoppers who simply ignored her, if they did look they just smiled and kept going, too busy to care less.

After going through the checkout and paying cash she returned to the car and put the bags in the boot then decided to go shopping for real. Up until this point her shopping had been mainly on line except for the Renee’s home and Lisa’s lingerie shop. Kerry carried her shoulder bag containing her wallet and keys as well as her phone which rang while she was standing in the mall centre, she looked at the name on the display, it was one of her clients and they would keep her talking for quite a while so she let it go to message bank.

Kerry walked around looking in windows before settling on a shop with some very pretty clothes and accessories, the salesperson was middle aged and looked quite friendly. The clothes were more her age and as she browsed the salesperson came over and made suitable comments and questions as to colour and style that Kerry liked. The red dress with mid length sleeves would be about four inches above her knees and with a black belt could be added to black shoes and bag. Kerry was use to having Renee choose her size and it always fitted due to local quality control and consistent sizing so Kerry was prepared to just buy it but the saleswoman suggested that she should try it on as sizes varied between suppliers.

Kerry quickly looked at the change rooms, doors not curtains, “OK but I have to be quick” she said. As she entered the cubicle she locked the door and took a deep breath before shedding her sweater and jeans, luckily she had put on pantyhose rather than those horrible knee highs that Paul always teased Janet about but even Kerry had found them to be useful with jeans and sandals. The dress fitted well and at just under $50 it was an easy purchase decision, “is everything OK dear?” asked the salesperson, “fine thanks, I think I need a jacket or something to go with this though” Kerry told her. “Leave it on and come out I think I have a wrap that will match as well” called out the woman as she headed back into the shop front. Kerry pushed herself out of the cubicle in her stocking feet and walked into the shop area, “this will help if it gets chilly at night” she said handing a long sleeved black semi see through wrap that tied under the bust. After another few minutes Kerry had bought the dress and wrap, a new handbag and a chunky red and black bead necklace. This time she used her EFTPOS/Debit card and made sure she held the card so the salesperson couldn’t see the name on it.

Leaving the shop she tried to forget about the cost, after all she had just been told about her windfall of nearly a million dollars. She found herself swinging her bags and hips as she strolled around the centre starting to relax at last. Kerry had not planned to shop but the afternoon went very quickly as she enjoyed shoe shopping, 3 pairs, boots, black high heels and a pair of white kitten heels. Another shop with t-shirt tops, tank tops and woolen tops to make use of the layered affect that was becoming so popular. The jean shop had specials on and suddenly the girl knew all about retail therapy and how good it felt.

Kerry selected a pair of boot cut jeans and a jacket to match, heading for the change rooms she was shocked by finding curtains instead of doors but she was committed to shopping and entered the cubicle. Kerry dropped her old jeans and put on the new ones and the jacket, stepping into the common area to use the full length mirror. “They would look good with boots” said one of the other customers and Kerry remembered the pair she had just bought, “thanks, I just got some” she replied turning for her shopping bag. As she sat there and put on the boots there was not a hint of Paul anywhere in sight, in fact he had been missing since last night. Kerry looked at the image in the mirror and had to agree she was nothing like the 120kg photo in the hallway back at home, she had lost over 55kg and had toned up with daily bike rides or the treadmill.

After two hours Kerry stopped for a drink and went through her shopping bags as she sat in the mall enjoying the time, there was something missing she thought. Looking at the mall and the long line of shop signs hanging down she scanned each of them looking for clues, she had shoes, a skirt, jeans, tops, bags, jewelry and even most of her makeup needs. Lingerie and hosiery had never been a problem unless you count the over flowing drawer problem. She sat there drinking her iced tea and picked at the sandwiches trying to find the missing link, what was it that was so obviously missing but so hard to see. Kerry finished and left the food mall and returned to browsing the shops which were becoming busier as school was out.

The shop that caught her attention was at the end of the mall near the entrance doors, it contained small articles for the home, she looked around and found a statue of a girl and boy in matching outfits holding hands. It was at that time she knew what was missing, Janet was missing from her life and the loss was sudden and caused her to leave the shop quickly and head for the safety of her car. The tears flowed freely as she sat there trying to stop them, the thought of hurting Janet and the kids, the thought of spending years alone, more tears flowed. It was a good twenty minutes before Kerry thought she could drive safely but looking in the mirror the look was far from good, the eye liner and mascara had run and her entire face needed fixing. She had purchased some facial cleaning clothes in her shopping so stepped out of the car and opened the boot. A few minutes later and the face was at least clean although the red eyes and plain look would have been slightly scary to any young kids.

Arriving home she unloaded the car and put away the shopping, her meat and veg shopping were always Saturday morning events. The clothes and shoes lay on her bed but the sadness made her leave them there and she went to the office to check her email trying to distract her from facing the pain. The sadness flowed again as she read an email from Janet thanking her for the offer of the money but that she would rather have her husband back than any amount of money. She talked about her feelings of loss and the concern at life without anyone to share it with but it was obviously something they both needed to talk through. Janet would even consider allowing some Kerry Time if that would make it better. By now the thought of some Kerry Time and some Paul time was not on the table, it was heading towards “No Paul Time”. The offer of dinner was suddenly becoming a bad choice and Kerry felt the stress rising inside her head, remembering the confusion of the last two years made her more resolved.

Kerry closed the lid of the laptop and went back into the kitchen to make a cuppa, work could wait until Monday but the clothes should be hung up and put away. She stood in the bedroom in just her bra, pants and pantyhose looking at all of the clothes on the bed deciding which ones to try on first. The denim skirt and t-shirt and tank top with the kitten heels looked good but not the thing for her introduction to Janet. The jeans and blouses would all work, the boots made a great casual look, in the end Kerry chose the jeans and white sandals with a thin light blue sweater that had a low cut neckline, she had bought it on e-Bay and a necklace of dark blue stones and gold wrist bands.

The phone rang as she stood there and it was Janet asking about the email, she was concerned that it would be seen as manipulation and didn’t want to hurt Paul. They talked for several minutes until Paul said “look, why don’t you come over now, I’ll throw something together and we can talk about it.” Janet asked if Kerry was offering or Paul as she needed to talk to both, “Kerry will be here and you can meet her, but Paul is always present, so just come over.” Janet hung up after saying she would be about an hour. Kerry looked in the mirror and headed for the bathroom.

A quick shower followed by new makeup and the new clothes and blow dry the hair into the new style that Jill had designed. She had just finished putting on her rings and necklace when the door bell sounded, no time for getting nervous it had taken years for Janet to get to this point and Kerry was the best she had ever been. Kerry opened the door and held out her hand to introduce herself to Janet, “hello Janet my name is Kerry I’m glad we finally get to meet.”

Although Janet had seen some of the changes they seemed to have escalated in the last three days as she silently shook her hand and stepped inside, Kerry took the bottle of wine that Janet was holding tightly and led her into the lounge room before closing the front door. Janet could see an attractive woman dressed in smart and very modern clothes that made her look about late thirties rather than the fifty she was. As Janet checked out Kerry’s clothes and makeup she saw the colour hi-lights in her hair “you can’t say that you don’t dye your hair anymore can you?” Janet said nervously, Kerry flicked her hair and asked “do you like the colour then or should I get it lighter?”

Janet was just a little shocked at how good Kerry looked; she still had images of drag queens and scantily dressed dancers in the pride parade. Janet noticed that the boobs were not size FF or pointed like darts but very well balanced with Kerry’s figure which was surprisingly narrow around the waist. The cleavage created by the breast forms and careful shading with makeup looked very real and she had to remind herself that Paul had next to nothing a few days ago.

Janet had never been to Paul’s place before and was quite impressed that everything was so neat and tidy, but it was the river views that drew her to the window as Kerry poured a glass of wine for her. When Janet turned around she saw the old photo on the wall, the whole family but with Paul as 120kg and standing directly in front of her was a very well trimmed, confident and much younger looking woman wearing some very nice clothes. Sensing what Janet was thinking Kerry jokingly said “I didn’t want to scare you off by wearing my leathers and whips” then seeing a blank look on her face added “that’s a joke Joyce.” Janet had missed it but caught up and started to laugh, “I’ve missed your sense of humor and jokes these last months.”

Kerry showed Janet around the unit and the garden that she was beginning to get into shape. The treadmill was sitting under the verandah looking towards the river and Janet slipped off her shoes and turned it on, “I need to buy one of these” she told Kerry. “You always said that but never got around to buying one, it really helped me tone up’ Kerry said slapping her backside. “Okay I hear what you are saying just don’t rub it in” Janet gasped as the treadmill was getting faster “that’s enough for me” she said turning it off.

Moving back inside the unit Janet went into Kerry’s bedroom and saw all of the clothes spread over the bed, “I thought you were always tidy, what’s this?” she asked Kerry. “I went food shopping and couldn’t help but buy some things for myself, what do you think?” Kerry asked Janet. Janet had already picked up some of the clothes and held them up to her body, Janet didn’t need to know that she had no chance of fitting into them. “Very nice, you should take me shopping again some time,” “I would love to do that with you again as long as I can also buy things for myself” said Kerry. This was one thing missing from her life, a shopping buddy that she could go out with and spend money especially now that she had a decent amount of it. “Whenever you are ready just call me” suggested Kerry, hoping that Janet would not take too long to do it but needed her to make the step not Kerry.

Janet took a drink from her glass and looked into the wardrobe, more than half of the clothes were Kerry’s and Paul had only a few basic work things, trousers, shirts and one pair of shoes and sneakers. Kerry had skirts, dresses, slacks, six pairs of shoes, jeans, sweaters, all in bright colours and neatly arranged in order. A pile of tops sat on the shelf and Janet would have been very happy to own any of them, her own wardrobe had gone down hill since the separation. One thing she never saw was a single item of her own clothing, she had assumed that Paul had taken some of it when he left but Paul had made a determined effort to take nothing but his own stuff even though it was tempting he knew that he had to do it.

Kerry looked into the fridge and saw that there was nothing suitable to eat as fresh meat and veg came on Saturday and today was Friday night. “What about I take you out somewhere?’ she asked Janet, slightly shocked at suggesting that she go out dressed like this but after the shopping trip she felt good about being seen. “Are you OK going out like that…” Janet started to say “sorry I didn’t mean to sound like I was putting you down, actually even I am having trouble recognizing you and I’ve slept with you for thirty years.” Kerry looked at Janet, who was tired and hurting and trying very hard to keep it civilized with Paul. “You need to have a night out, lets go” Kerry said grabbing her hand bag and keys “come on my shout, I think I can afford it.”

Janet slipped into her place in the Subaru where she had ridden many times as if nothing had changed except for the woman sitting next to her. The feelings raced through her head as Kerry chose a restaurant and dialed ahead to confirm a booking, it was one of her favorites due to the water front and small intimate tables for two, or one in her case. The drive was fairly short and Janet just sat there trying to get it together in her mind, she loved Paul but also found Kerry very easy to like, it was Paul but in a different form and that messed with her head. To love a woman was wrong but his was her husband, but she looked different, Janet was beginning to see the same conflict Paul and Kerry had gone through. Can you love a person despite their appearance? Of course you can, do you love the person or the look, what about their nature and values, their sense of living and loving life. It wasn’t quite the penny dropping but something happened.

The waiter showed them both to an outside table and a menu brought over for each of them, they each chose and a glass of wine for Janet. Dinner was pleasant and over coffees they talked about work, and the kids, how they thought they would spend their portions of the money. “I bet you’ll buy hundreds of clothes and shoes” laughed Janet “then have to buy a larger house.” “And you’ll probably keep it all in the bank and not enjoy it” shot back Kerry with a laugh, just to hide the truth in what she had said. Janet had actually thought about that as being security for the future despite having two homes as investment and a decent super scheme. “Do you need to talk about the email?” Kerry asked Janet, “I thought I did but after seeing you I am more confused about what I want let alone what you need.” “Just start at the beginning and take it slowly” suggested Kerry letting Janet define her concerns and feelings rather than presuming she knew them, Kerry had learnt some things during her counseling sessions.

Janet talked about the loneliness and fear of a future without anyone, the hurt that came up each time she saw a program on TV about deception, or just sitting at home wondering how Paul was going. Kerry told Janet about shopping today and missing her, the figurines in the shop and twenty minutes of tears in the car. “I now know about crying with makeup on” she joked, “not a very sexy look is it”, “you need to get waterproof makeup if you intend on crying a lot” said Janet trying to laugh but she could see that Kerry was hiding some of the same feelings as she was. “Is there any chance for Paul and Janet?” asked Janet half knowing the answer was going to be no, “or is there a chance for Janet and Kerry to be friends?” Kerry had one other option but thought that Janet would freak out at it, she decided to go for broke as she was learning to speak her mind rather than keep silent.

“Paul probably won’t exist in a year’s time, in fact I haven’t seen him all day” Kerry stated, making a statement that as some would say is stating the bleeding obvious. “We could be more than friends but that may be too hard for you to think about right now”, Janet wanted to know what Kerry thought that would look like, she loved Paul and missed him being around but Kerry was so like him when she closed her eyes. The love was still there but the ground rules had changed, the conflict in beliefs and society acceptance, the kids, the church. All these things made it very difficult to handle, but it was an option just not yet.

Kerry paid the bill and drove home along the river foreshore, she knew Janet would enjoy it, “Why don’t you stay overnight I have a spare bed if you want, no sex expected or offered.” Janet wanted desperately to take Paul in her arms but couldn’t find him anywhere in the unit, she decided to accept the offer to stay overnight, going home would be too hard. Janet offered to make a hot chocolate drink but Kerry informed her that she never bought anything like that as it added on the weight. Janet wanted to sit in bed and talk but knew that was not proper, however after laying out a bed for Janet Kerry said she could come and sit in her bed for a while and finish the glass of wine she had started three hours earlier. They sat there Kerry on the right hand side and Janet on the left hand side, just like a year ago, just like the last thirty years and everything seemed normal, just one of the bodies had changed significantly. Kerry had given Janet one of her nighties to wear so both girls sat up in bed dressed very much alike.

They didn’t talk much and Janet wanted to slide down next to Kerry for a hug, she asked if she could have a cuddle, “go on then I guess you need one” replied Kerry sliding into the bed. The next morning they woke to the sound of lawn mowing it was nearly nine o’clock and Janet had not slept that much for nearly twelve months. Janet reached over and kissed Kerry gently on the cheek, “my turn to make breakfast, what do you eat nowadays?” asked Janet. While Janet prepared breakfast, Kerry had a quick shower and shave and redid her basic makeup, getting back into bed as the tray was carried into the bedroom.

Janet had made boiled eggs and found some frozen bread in the freezer so a couple of slices of toast sat on a plate, Kerry had her yoghurt, no juice or milk, just black tea. They both sat there like two school kids that had done something wrong and neither wanted to talk about it. “We only slept together, nothing else happened” said Janet “anyway we are still technically married for the next few months at least.” Kerry looked at her seeing that the last comment was aimed at her.

“Is this what your option would look like” asked Janet trying to continue the conversation from the night before. “I am not sure, it would have to have some fun in it as well otherwise you would get grumpy” Kerry joked.

Since leaving Janet the whole question of sex had been a non-issue, adultery was not on and dating men was definitely not a choice but now she had made her mind up about where she was going just not who she would take with her on the journey. “I think it could look like this, but it would have to be your choice” continued Kerry “what would you be happy and comfortable with?” Janet had too many questions in her own mind and said so asking if they could talk again over the months ahead.

Janet went for a shower as Kerry cleaned away the dishes and tidied up the kitchen, she needed to do the shopping before the good stuff was all gone, the local growers market had organic vegetables that she had taken a liking to. The butcher also made some very lean packs that she found suitable for making just one meal freezer lots out of. Janet came out in one of Kerry’s toweling bath coats while drying her hair, “I love the feel of this robe” she said. “Be nice to me and I’ll buy you one for Christmas” joked Kerry but at the same time was hoping that they could get back to having a better relationship than the last year of tension and anger.

“I have to do some shopping for food, do you want to come with me or are you going home?” asked Kerry, “who’s going Kerry or Paul?” replied Janet. “If you will help me get ready, it will be Kerry” said Kerry, “I don’t think I can teach you anything after last night” replied Janet but feeling pleased to be asked. Kerry went to the bedroom and opened the wardrobe to select her shopping clothes, the weather was fine so anything would be acceptable, Janet came into the bedroom to watch her. Kerry chose an off-white peasant skirt with handkerchief cut, a pale yellow t-shirt and white tank top and a broad brown belt with brown and yellow necklace. She sat down at the makeup table and applied a layer of foundation and cover to hide any hair growth for the rest of the day. Mascara and eyeliner made her eyes stand out so a light brush with the blusher just gave her some colouring to the cheeks. Kerry put on several bracelets and rings, she chose a lipstick that matched her new nails and used a pencil to outline the shape she wanted before applying the main colour and finished with a glossy coat for that wet look that was fashionable.

Janet watched all of this and felt very intimidated by the girl that looked back from the mirror, “you make me look so dowdy” she told Kerry. “Okay, sit down and do exactly as I say, school is in” commanded Kerry making Janet sit in front of the lighted mirror.

Starting with foundation she told her to cover her entire face, “no you have to do everywhere” she snapped at Janet and then dusted her face with powder. Then she talked about her eyes and how they could be made to sparkle, eyeliner that gave an impression of larger eyes and shadow that lifted the surrounding area. Kerry made Janet go over some areas twice as Janet’s natural choice was for less of everything, the mascara was a good example, Janet never used it but Kerry made her do it three times until they stood out clearly. Kerry chose a lipstick to match her nails then changed her mind, you need to have your nails done again let me do them for you.

Kerry cleaned the nails, pushed back the quick and buffed them to a nice finish before applying a base coat of clear polish. Janet was amazed at the things that Kerry was able to do that she had never seen while living with Paul, Kerry finished off with two coats of a deep plum colour and then handed Janet a lipstick to match. While Janet applied her lippy Kerry reached into the back of the wardrobe where her older and bigger clothes hung and removed a blouse for Janet, it wouldn’t fit Kerry anymore but it would just fit Janet if she rolled the cuffs up slightly. “Now do the lipstick again in a darker shade” Kerry told Janet as she handed her a second tube, “now apply some of this to make them wet.” As Janet looked at her face in the mirror she had to admit it made her look younger and less stressed, a brighter face with stunning eyes that held your attention.

Janet had only come around for a chat and had not intended to go out eating or shopping so Kerry handed her some clothes and told her to get dressed. Janet was horrified to think that she would fit into Kerry’s clothes but looking at Kerry she suddenly had the thought that she may not fit into them, Kerry had lost so much weight. The blouse looked good on Janet and the skirt made her look thinner but it was the eyes that held her attention.

“Sorry I don’t have any seamed stockings that are your size but we are only going food shopping not man shopping” joked Kerry but Janet realized that she may not be joking one day. Kerry picked a bag for Janet and one for herself, “get your tissues and purse and lets go shopping girl” said Kerry with a hint of cheekiness that Janet found funny as Paul was always very straight laced. Kerry picked up her canvas environmentally friendly shopping bags and headed out to the car, Janet was caught on the hop and had to scoot to catch up. They locked the doors and got into the car, the garage had remote doors to allow Kerry to come and go in the car as she pleased, this was an important item when she chose the unit. Janet sat in the front passengers seat again and let Kerry drive, again it seemed very natural to be there and let Kerry drive.

The local growers market was close but the parking meant a short walk past shops and cafes, the hair salon and the local wine store, “just got to cancel an appointment for today” said Kerry stepping into the salon. Jill saw her come in and went to meet her, “Hi Jill, Janet has dropped in and needs some help, is it alright if I cancel the appointment?’ she asked quietly. “No problems, anyway looking at your face you don’t need me anymore” complimented Jill, “are you going out somewhere special?” Kerry told her about Janet’s feeling sad about the divorce and how she had needed to get out of the house and do something so Kerry had planned some food shopping and then a picnic near the river. “Enjoy yourself and we can catch up later, see ya luv” Jill said turning to see Janet’s face outside, Jill’s thoughts and Kerry’s were not in sync at this point but Jill would work on her. Kerry left the salon waving to Jill through the window, “she seems very friendly to you” enquired Janet suspecting that more was going on. “No, just the person that does my hair” replied Kerry not seeing what was obvious to Janet.

They walked around the market glancing at stalls, Kerry had one place that she liked and bought the vegetables and fruit filling two bags. The owner smiling at both women as he handed back the change and wished them a good day, “was he flirting with you” asked Janet, “I thought it was you he smiled at” said Kerry laughing at the thought of being picked up by a guy. The pair walked around arm in arm, blending in with the many people just doing their weekly grocery shopping. The butcher’s was packed so Kerry left Janet sitting at a coffee stall to order coffees while she lined up for her meat and chicken for the week. When she came back she found Janet talking to a guy that obviously knew her, “hello my name is Kerry” she said holding out a hand for him to shake as she sat down. He introduced himself as John and he worked with Janet and even blind Freddy could see that he couldn’t take his eyes off her. Janet blushed at John’s attention and tried to think of a way to get rid of him, she was still technically married to this person sitting at the table. “Are you joining us for coffee John or do you have someone with you?” asked Kerry intrigued at the thought of his wife having someone chasing her. John made noises about meeting another person before leaving them alone with their drinks and the cake Janet had ordered.

“You have been busy as well” offered Kerry at Janet’s bashful stare, “well I’m not getting any younger and the bed is getting cold as well” replied Janet to see what Kerry would do. They sat there watching the crowds and drank their coffee as each of them thought about the last few minutes, flirting and being chatted up, while your partner sat at the same table unable to say anything.

Kerry walked slowly past the wine store and then went in to choose a bottle of sweet red wine, “it’s something like dolce and bruschetta” said Kerry to the older guy at the counter. “I think I know what you mean” he said turning to get it from the storeroom, she thanked him and handed over twenty dollars noticing his eyes wondering to her chest. “Honey, my eyes are up here” she told him catching him in mid thought, the illusion of cleavage with careful shading and colouring meant it was hard to tell. He blushed at her and said something about seeing her next time she needed some help. It must have been a day for testosterone in the marketplace, what does a girl have to do to go out without being seen as meat for the hungry cats?

Janet walked along swinging the bag and naturally grabbed Kerry’s hand, Kerry just allowed it to stay there until Janet realized what it may look like. She suddenly pulled it away in shock more than anything else, she wasn’t gay or queer, it should have been Paul holding her hand not this woman next to her. They loaded the car in silence and Kerry flicked the remote to open the doors letting Janet escape inside. “That’s the problem with the third option isn’t it” said Janet, “I would not be comfortable with you dressed like that and me expressing my love for you in public.” Kerry and Janet drove back to the unit deep in thought about their options, if they had any.

Kerry unlocked the unit and took both bags inside “I was thinking of a picnic if you are up to it” she told Janet who had put her bag down on the bench. “Can we just talk for a while if you don’t mind” she asked trying to get her thoughts into some sought of order. “When the guy flirted with you I felt like slapping him, but when John spoke with me you seemed to just go with it, why” she said trying to find out what Kerry was thinking. Kerry started slowly “I didn’t see him flirting with me it just seemed like normal dialogue, it only dawned on me when you said something.” “Come on you got all flirty back and flicked your hair and wiggled your hips at him, what are they if not come on signals?”

Kerry had to think about the guy, did she really do that; a male was NOT her choice at this point in time yet something had changed in her mind. “I hadn’t realized that I was doing anything, honestly just being nice to him” said Kerry, “nice is one thing, saying come and get me is another” replied Janet. “What about John and your blushing, is he trying to get into your pants or are you giving him the same signals?” said Kerry with a hint of nastiness. They stopped and looked at each other, eight months apart and this was their first real conflict over their futures.

Janet walked out of the unit to get away from Kerry but also because she didn’t want to answer the question, she had gone on a date with John and found that she actually liked the attention and company from a man. Janet walked around the garden just trying to get her head around the things she had said in anger, she had been trying really hard not to get involved in any argument with Paul about Kerry or his decisions. It was not going to work she thought letting her mind go over the last 24 hours since sending the email, things had begun to happen already and she had no way of stopping them now. Inside, Kerry was still thinking about her reactions at the market, did she really flirt with the two guys or was it just getting into the mindset of being Kerry, what would she have done if either of them had asked her out? The fears and thrills all mixed together and make no sense at all, she was totally confused but excited at the same time.

Janet walked back inside, “I think it would be better for me to leave now, I knew this would not work for me” she said trying to stop herself from looking straight at Kerry’s eyes. She picked up her bits and promised to send the blouse and skirt back, she turned and opened the front door as Kerry reached her. “Look, I am sorry that I said those things and I didn’t understand what you were actually asking me” she told Janet. “I still need time to sort out where I am going and what it will look like and it may take far longer than I can ask you to wait” said Kerry.

Janet had hoped to see Kerry as a failure and that Paul would see the waste of time but after spending a few hours with her Janet knew that Kerry was not only alive but doing very well, even she could see herself getting on with Kerry. Janet left without making comment and Kerry shut the door and in some way a part of her life.

To be continued, soon....

Please let me know what you think, trust me I have had enough therapy to survive

In hindsight it may have been Kerry trying too hard to make Janet accept that she was really making a go of it but the victory was hollow. I guess that says it all, it was not intended to be a competition, it was just meant to be a friendly dinner together for Janet to meet Kerry, but Kerry was quite often in denial. She pushed through the emotions trying not to concentrate on the loss and defeat that Janet would have been feeling.

The next few weeks were made up of visits to the lawyers and settlement agents, the money would be through in a couple of days and Kerry had placed an offer to buy the unit she rented. She had decided to change her name by deed poll to Kerry Brown, it would upset her family but she felt that it was her choice to make and would help the legal process; it was only the first name she was changing and would keep the surname or family name. Paul had spoken with his boss about the change in name and told him that there was nothing happening although Bill could see the very obvious physical changes as Paul grew his hair longer, the pair of earrings had been subtle as the hair covered them. Bill had totally missed the Adam’s Apple surgery. Paul had started all of this with no intention of transitioning at work or at all, again he may have been in denial at the time.

One day Bill called Paul and asked if they could chat after work in a local café, Bill had something he needed to ask Paul about and didn’t want others to overhear it. Bill sat there very awkward and fidgeting with his mug of coffee, “come on Bill, what’s on your mind?” asked Paul half guessing the subject matter. “I know we have talked about your name change and as your employer I have nowhere to go with it so you can just tell me to butt out if you need to” Bill stated in a very legal manner.

Over the next two hours and two Lattes Paul told Bill all about his journey and also where it would be going, now that he had a better idea. The name change was going to be through the next week so Paul asked Bill to call him Kerry instead, “it may help you to see me as a different person from the Paul you have seen each week” suggested Paul.

“Okay Kerry” said Bill trying hard to follow, “from what you have told me I can only assume that you will want to, Transition is it, at work?” Bill had only followed some of the story but was quickly seeing problems at work and with clients that he would have to handle.

“Can I ask you when you want to do this and how you think we would manage the problems?” asked Bill hoping that Kerry had a better idea than he did. Kerry produced a sample letter she had downloaded from one of the web sites and handed it to Bill, “have you been expecting this talk” “something like that” replied Kerry. The letter outlined the basics of transgenderism and transitioning in the workplace, it spoke about discrimination but only in a positive way, it allowed for the personal story to be told by the person transitioning and recommended a review process.

“I have to live for 12 months as a woman before they will allow the surgery” said Kerry, “and that last step would only be if I decide to go through with everything.” Bill repeated his question about timing and Kerry knew that it was time to make the jump, it had to be now or never. “What about at the start of the new year, I can finish my current clients before Christmas and be ready for a new one after the break.” Bill thought about it and still had serious doubts about the impact on the revenue of the business.

“I need to be sure this will work” he told Kerry. “What about you taking me out for dinner tomorrow night?” Kerry said as Bill choked on his drink. “That’s what you are really asking isn’t it, do I pass or will you be embarrassed at me?” Bill could not speak so Kerry took over, “do you want to pick a place that you are comfortable with or shall I?’ she asked. “You had better choose the place, I will pay the tab” he replied hoping that it would not be too visible.”

Kerry worked from home the next day and sent Bill an email with time and location telling him not to keep a girl waiting and the booking was in his name. Kerry went to the salon and got her hair done by Jill and told her all the things that had gone down in the last month, Janet’s reaction to the flirting, her bosses questions and the dinner appointment for later on that night, she had made it for 8pm to allow Jill to fit her in. Kerry decided that shocking Bill was not a good plan so chose something very smart and business like, a modest length black skirt just above the knees, white blouse and jacket and a nice pair of earrings that swung but didn’t draw too much attention.

Kerry and Renee had spent a fair bit of time putting the outfit together as the “coming out at work” outfit, the black patent heels made her legs look so good with a nice pair of sheer stockings and underneath the small black bra was just visible as was her cleavage. Jill had put a brighter auburn tint in the highlights and it made a striking contrast to the black hair. Bill had already arrived and was sitting at the table nervously waiting for Kerry to arrive while he drank another scotch and water. Kerry walked into the restaurant and saw Bill sitting at the table in the corner that she had requested, she walked straight up to him before he realized it was Kerry. He stood up as she arrived, trying to take in what he could only see as a very confident younger looking woman with a very nice figure. “Are you going to help with my chair?” she cheekily asked him and before he could think he was helping her sit down at the table. Kerry signaled the waiter and asked for a glass of juice and a top up for Bill as he was too dumb struck to speak.

“Well what do you think, do I pass muster?” Kerry asked Bill knowing that his lack of speech confirmed what he was thinking. “I just hope my wife or her friends don’t see me here or I’ll be dead” Bill commented trying hard to get a resemblance of control into his mind. “How could I have not seen your body before, surely those aren’t real are they?” he said nodding to her chest. “Some of it is me but the rest is padding at the moment” Kerry told him noticing that his eyes had hardly moved from her chest area.

“Bill, look at me and not my chest please or I’ll tell your wife about it” Kerry jokingly said to him but was very happy to have the effect on him. Bill picked up the menu and looked at the list of food, but couldn’t quite focus on anything, “are you sure they are yours?” he asked again. “Bill, I have no intention on showing you so order or I go home” said Kerry knowing she was pushing the boundaries of employer and employee relationships but someone had to take control. The waiter took their orders and talked to Kerry as if she was a friend rather than a client, “do you come her often” asked Bill. “No, this is only the second time, I heard about it from a friend” Kerry told him, Bill was surprised at how people reacted to her and the natural way she disarmed them with her smile. Her voice was softer and made people listen to her, she had a certain pull that Bill could not sort out but found amazing.

Over the meal they continued to chat about work and what plans Kerry had for her future employment, she obviously had an ability to make people feel at ease but also to take control of a situation. Paul could be aggressive and uncertain and lacked the ability to get people on board at times, Kerry had no such problems. “Have you thought about sales?” asked Bill, thinking that she was very easy to get along with. “I used to do sales but found it very macho and hard to win over” Kerry said thinking about her times of clashing with males that needed to prove their dominance. The alpha male syndrome that a nice smile and good set of legs could destroy in one blink of a pretty eyelid, neither of which Paul had.

As dinner finished and Bill ordered coffees he asked her about moving the date up and her doing some work in the sales department, being technically adequate she would release him from some of the pre-sales cycle with clients. “What about the guys at work, how would they cope?” she asked, “I couldn’t drop the existing clients half way through the job could I?” “Let me figure that one out but I think you are being wasted as an implementer” said Bill hoping she would accept. Bill then took control “If you are certain about this move then let's make it sooner, is there any reason why you can’t do it?” he asked. Kerry thought of all the reasons why she should not do it but only one reason why she should, “Only if you think I can do it Bill” she told him. “I do need some time off for minor surgery but that would only take a couple of weeks and could be done within the month.” Bill agreed for Kerry to work for another two weeks then have the next two weeks off and then return to the new position at the same time as telling the team.

And so it was that Kerry found herself staring out of the window while sitting at her desk, she had been to Thailand and undertaken some minor facial work and a breast augmentation all paid for by the previous directors and their insurance policy. The hair removal had progressed well and the dreaded five o’clock shadow was now only noticeable around nine at night; she had also reached her goal weight of 63kg and could enjoy some alcohol for once.

Bill had allowed her to write out a letter for the staff and had arranged for a staff meeting on the first morning back at work, Kerry would be introduced and the staff given chance to ask questions. Bill had sent an email out to all staff members on Friday along with his own comments about the company’s policy of equal employment and how much he valued Paul’s work and had agreed to this happening after meeting with Kerry and working through the problems. Kerry read the email and made some notes for her talk the next day, she had healed well and her hair that was now styled totally in a feminine way hid the scars. Her eyebrows had been plucked and shaped much thinner than before and the soreness of her breasts had gone away leaving a nice set of breasts. Jill had changed Kerry's hair into more auburn and less black and had convinced Kerry to have acrylic nails fitted. She loved the new nails and spent all the next day tapping away at her keyboard making the noises she thought she would never make.

Monday morning came around quickly and she woke early so that she could take her time and relax before the staff meeting. Kerry did her hair and then her makeup making sure everything was business like, not quite like the evening out with Bill but very close. A pair of black slacks, white blouse and a black jacket and high-heeled shoes formed the basic look. Kerry added a pair of new glasses, rings and jewelry and some large gold earrings with little hearts in the middle of them and of course her Special K necklace. She was ready about half an hour before it was time to leave and opted to go for a walk along the riverfront to relax a little. The staff meeting had been going for nearly 30 minutes when Kerry walked into the reception area and waited for Bill to come out and meet her.

“They seem to be fairly open with the plan so far but are looking forward to seeing for themselves and asking questions. “Are you ready to do this?” asked Bill knowing that she would have been ready since early this morning, “I’ve been waiting for this for over thirty years Bill, let's do it” she told him and stepped towards the board room door. The entire room looked up as she entered, the guys not sure what to say, seeing a good looking woman but knowing that underneath it was Paul who they had worked with for the last 18 months. The women had a different mindset, if Kerry looked too good they would look bad.

Bill introduced Kerry and reminded them about the company policies before letting her speak, she looked around trying to gauge the mood of the room. Kerry started by telling her story about being gender confused and her search for identity, the pain of losing her job and the breakdown of her marriage. Kerry talked about her desire to transition while staying at the company and hoped that if anyone had questions they should feel free to ask her directly.

Bill finished the meeting and it was down to work for all of them, two of the girls grabbed their bags and headed for the toilets, they wanted to talk without being overheard by Kerry or the boss. As soon as they entered they started talking, “do you think they are real or just padding?” said Sue “and did you see her waist, I wish mine was that small.” They laughed and touched up their makeup as Kerry walked in, “sorry girls but I have to share this place with you, are you alright about it?” Kerry asked them. “I have had to work through it but I know that I can trust you” said Sue and Joanne just agreed, “we do have to ask though, are they real?” Kerry laughed and said “as real as five grand can make and as real as Pamela Anderson's” they both laughed and Sue said “welcome to the girls room then.”

Kerry had broken the first boundary, the girls room and had come out without any hiccups or having to show them the scars. “Did the surgery hurt very much because I was thinking of getting mine done?” asked Joanne, Kerry looked at her wondering why an attractive younger woman would want to make herself larger. “Jo, you are perfect you don’t need any more” Kerry told her, “No, I was thinking of getting them made smaller” she replied. Sue and Kerry told her to enjoy them while she could and that motherhood would make its own changes on them. The two women asked about the facial surgery as well since it was obvious Kerry had done something so Kerry played show and tell with the details and some scars. Another woman that worked in a different company on the same floor walked in and broke up the chatter as Bill had opted for only telling his company and none of the other tenants on the floor.

Back at her new desk in the sales area Kerry found a bunch of flowers from Bill with a simple note saying welcome to the company and wishing her well in the new job. Her business cards had been reprinted with her new name and email details, the email accounts had been routed to her new one but with a warning. The inbox had been cleaned and as Kerry sat there reading, an email arrived from one of the consultants in the next room. It started very formally, “I have to tell you that I had problems with the news….” He went on to talk about his own bias against gays and lesbians and how he had assumed that Kerry would fit into one of the categories. “I have listened to you today and seen the pain in your eyes today as you talked about it and know that underneath I can see the person you are.” The email finished with him apologizing for being judgmental and saying that he would try to be very careful not to judge her again.

Kerry wiped a tear away from her eyes as Bill walked past, “did you survive the girls room?’ he asked half smiling at her. “Yes, thank you and I am not telling what goes on in there you’ll have to make up your own stories” Kerry replied jokingly. The rest of the morning was just like starting a new job, reading procedures and memos about how to deal with clients, lists of prospects and the dreaded leads pipeline.

Before she noticed it was lunchtime when one of the girls stuck her head in and asked Kerry if she was ready to come out with them. Bill had suggested that they take Kerry out for lunch and gave them a booking at a local restaurant; it just happened to be the same one Kerry had chosen for their meeting a month earlier. The girls all piled into the Tarago that Sue drove, kids toys had to be thrown into the back and one of the seats looked more like a meal than a seat but all five of them fitted in. “Fancy Bill paying for us to go out for lunch” said Sue, “you must have said something real nice to him” she continued with emphasis on the word real. Kerry had no idea what they meant and tried to act dumb but underneath wondered if she had made one of those mind changes that she had done in the marketplace.

The girls ordered lunch and a couple of bottles of wine since Bill was paying and he had also given them as long as they needed. He had made the decision to help Kerry integrate quicker and hence help the company get back onto normal footings so work would not be affected. Kerry had to undergo several probing questions about what she had undergone and what was ahead of her. They wanted to know about dating and did she have anyone yet, they heard about the market place and totally understood how she would do that, even Paul tried to make them feel special without meaning anything. Mostly the girls just wanted to know about the details, the gossipy things of Kerry’s life that they solemnly promised NEVER to divulge. Kerry found out that “never” actually means “while you can still see me” and so by the end of the week she had no stories to tell since they all knew about her.

At Friday’s drinks Bill started a debrief of the week’s activities and each section made a short comment about their work. Kerry had been asked by Bill to say a few words as well, “I just want to thank you for being so good about everything this week and despite several requests I am not doing show and tell on my boob work.” The room chuckled and Kerry could see that the guys had also relaxed with her over the week, they had to keep thinking about what was still in her pants rather than getting into her pants, but that was their problem. Drinks went well past five and as they tidied up Bill asked Kerry if she had found any issues that needed raising at staff meeting on Monday. Kerry was more than happy with her first week on the job and told Bill that he had done more than enough, she leant forward and kissed his cheek. Geoff saw the kiss and said something about “my turn next boss” so Bill slapped him on the arm saying “only when you look as good as Kerry, mate.”

Friday evening was always lonely for Kerry, she knew that others had finished work and gone out for drinks or home to partners and all she had was the TV and a microwaved dinner she prepared on Wednesday night. Around seven thirty the phone rang, “Hi Kerry it’s Joanne here what are you doing tonight?” she asked, Kerry told her that she had nothing planned apart from TV unless she had a better offer.” Thirty minutes later Kerry had changed into a short black and gold striped skirt and white silk blouse with many of the buttons undone, black bra and grey seamed pantyhose. Her face was made up with bold black eye liner and mascara, gold eye shadow and a new shining blusher that promised to make you shine like the stars. New dangly earrings, rings and chains on her wrist as well as one on her ankle made her feel every part a woman. The Special K necklace always took pride of place on nights like this and her new gold and black 4” heels made her legs look so long. By the time Jo knocked at the door Kerry’s mood had lifted and she was ready to enjoy a night out, whatever that meant. Jo looked very good in her evening wear but had to admit that Kerry was going to steal some of the limelight from her, the extra few inches in her legs made all of the difference she thought. Joanne kissed Kerry and made her turn around to be checked out, “Damn it girl you are too sexy for our group” she told Kerry.

Jo and a couple of the girls had decided to go out for a dance and some drinks so inviting Kerry seemed only natural since she was now one of them, single and female. Kerry loved the female part but still hated the single part but she also had no plans of changing that. The club was beside the river and had an alfresco area for drinking and just watching the sunset over the city, it was also quieter out there and they could hear each other talk. Kerry went to the bar and ordered a bottle of wine and four glasses as well as some water, as she walked back to the table carrying the tray someone pinched her backside then slapped it in fun, some fun being squeezed and slapped she thought.

“Do they always do that to you girls?” she asked them as she put the drinks on the table, “I wish they would do it to me” said Jo. Gwen and Rachael just shook their heads, Jo could get a little too intense with guys some times and would need rescuing from her own doing.

Their table was just outside so they could see the dance floor but also hear each other, so after a quick drink Jo stood up and grabbed Kerry to go and dance. Paul had two left feet but had been trying to get coordinated by attending a dance studio, but as Paul and not Kerry. Dancing was a hard thing to master after only a few weeks of dance training, let alone in heels, Kerry told Jo to slow down and let her get used to being on the “wrong side of the dance floor”. Jo realized what she meant and took it slowly but her dancing with Kerry looked more like driving Miss Daisy than dancing.

As the night went on Kerry found a style that suited her and finally was comfortable on the floor, it was then that a couple of guys walked over and tried to join in. Kerry turned as if to let them know she was not interested but Jo had already joined in with them, “do I leave or dance” she thought trying to not lose the flow. She found herself dancing vaguely with the four in the general area but as the dance beat slowed down one of them grabbed her arm to pull her to him. Kerry got very confused and Paul was panicking, he was dancing with a bloke. Somehow she kept her rhythm and tried to think about the ending, would he kiss her, would she let him, would he want more, she knew she had nothing to give him like that.

At the end Jo made an excuse about leaving the other girls alone and pulled Kerry away just in time as her partner had been closing for more. “What is it with these guys, are they on more hormones than I am?” Kerry said shaking her head and laughing, “I think they need to take a cold shower or two.” “You really have missed out on the singles scene haven’t you dear” said Gwen, “sorry, I didn’t mean it like that Kerry.” “Good one Gwen” said Rachael who had seen the change in Kerry’s smile and being divorced only a year before knew what she was feeling. They had a few more drinks and a final dance together, four girls out on the town together, Kerry felt slightly tipsy but had enjoyed it all.

Instead of them each going home Kerry invited them around for a coffee from her machine, they could see her place as well. She had just finished buying it and the new kitchen had been installed while she was in Thailand, the bathroom would be done next trip. Pulling into the driveway they parked the cars and Kerry unlocked the front door to let them in, the unit was recently painted in much softer colours and with some paintings on the wall and flowers on the table, courtesy of Bill, the place looked a lot better than nine months ago when she first saw it.

“The toilet’s through there and the back door is behind the curtain” she told them, as Kerry ground some fresh coffee beans and put out four Latte mugs. She also found some biscotti and put some on a plate in the lounge room, the girls made themselves at home and took off their shoes and jackets, just throwing them over a chair. “I was about to say feel free to relax but you have already done that” joked Kerry as she put the biscuits down on the table with the sugar bowl. “Is there anything you don’t do right?” asked Rachael, “who else has special biscuits for Latte incase friends drop in.” “Let me play mum, it’s been a long time coming” Kerry told them while frothing the milk and filling the mugs that had been heated by the boiling water.

The three girls stayed much longer than they had planned as Kerry entertained them with answers and information about her past life and about being transgendered. She produced her very personal photo album to show some of the changes, the young Paul, the bearded Paul, biker Paul and then the slimmer stages as Kerry was slowly emerging, the changing hair styles and finally the bandages at the Thailand hospital. There were the photos of before and after of her chest, which she only showed them under fear of death. Kerry brought out the old photo that she had taken down from the hallway after hitting her goal weight. The girls spent ages comparing the photo with Kerry and could not see any similarity, Paul was for all visible evidence gone from the scene.

“How long before the, you know what goes?” asked Gwen always more forthright than politically correct. “I need to convince the doctors that I can live like this for 12 months before they will allow me to have the operation in this country” Kerry said. “Do you think it will be hard for you?’ asked Rachael trying to be careful, “not if I have people like you around sweety” replied Kerry. “It all depends on being accepted at work and not having too many conflicts, although I nearly freaked out tonight with that guy on the dance floor” Kerry confessed. “Some times we go to the gay bar just for some peace from the meat eaters” said Gwen, “but you may have more trouble if you came with us” she continued. “Another nice one Gwen” said Kerry throwing a scatter cushion at her in fun. The girls left noisier than Kerry wanted but promised to do it all again another week. Kerry stripped off her clothes and left them on the floor, she cleaned her makeup off and crawled into her bed at around 2am, far later than any Friday night for many years but she was very happy with the end of week one.

Saturday was fruit and vegetable day from the marketplace, Kerry had slept in until around ten before she woke up, slipping on a silk wrap she walked out into the kitchen and prepared her breakfast, with juice and tea. Kerry walked outside to the small garden setting that allowed her to see the river but not be seen by the other tenants. This had been another one of the things that drew her attention to the unit when she first saw it. As Kerry enjoyed just sitting and relaxing in the sunshine she heard the mobile phone ring, she chose to let it ring through to voice mail. She was getting very protective of her time and had not installed a land line so that she could turn off the phone when she wanted to. Kerry felt the wrap come loose and found herself sitting there in just her teddy, her legs folded up underneath her body, she looked down and saw her new breasts sitting there and moving as she breathed. The pain from the operation had gone after a few days and the swelling had stopped after ten days, and now after three weeks the bruises had also vanished.

Kerry went inside and found the little red bikini she had purchased in Thailand just after the surgery, the pants were cut high but had enough material to cover up what needed to be hidden, the bra was a different matter, little material and thin straps. She put it on and went back out to the patio and sat in the sun reading a book until nearly twelve o’clock, the sun was warming and made her feel so good. Kerry slipped on a pair of jeans and heels and checked out her image in the mirror, her small waist and good breasts framed in a small bikini top. She thought about going shopping like that but chose a tank top instead she had to go to the meat market and didn’t want to be the special of the day.

Before leaving she listened to her voice mail, it was Janet asking how the first week had gone at work, Kerry wanted to respond but was not ready for a repeat of the last visit. She grabbed her bags and left the unit for the market. The car park was crowded by now and she had to park at the end of the area and walk the distance. The vegetable shop was packed but she chose her goods, paid for them and left quickly making sure she avoided the owner. Walking through the market she found herself just strolling around swinging her bag and her hips, this was pure Kerry Time and something she had looked forward to for several years now.

The butchers shop was busy so Kerry went and purchased an iced tea to walk around with, she wanted some new curtains and seat covers so she drifted around looking at the stalls. The jewelry stalls always got her attention but the quality was only average and she was beginning to like gold and more gold. Diamonds also made nice additions and she had found some nice bits that worked well together. When she got back to the butchers the crowds had gone and she was able to buy the things she wanted, the flirting started as soon as she spoke to Frank, his flirting that is. She tried to go along with the good natured interaction and she found she actually liked being chatted up and the compliments that she was getting about her body and her smile, even if he was talking to her chest. Frank was harmless and just part of the show in the marketplace but it did make Kerry think about the time when she may want to take it further with a man. Kerry joked with Frank and told him he couldn’t handle the kind of woman she was and left him smiling.

On the way back home she saw Janet’s car near the unit, Kerry had made a decision to follow her own thoughts and if that hurt Janet it had to be. They had agreed earlier on that they would call and get permission to come around and never stalk the other persons home. Kerry pulled the car into her driveway and triggered the remote door for the car, Janet was straight behind her when she got out of the car. “I know I should have called but you didn’t answer my voice mail” she lamely told Kerry after seeing the look on her face.

“I had a good week and felt like chilling out” said Kerry, “the least you can do is help with my bags.” Janet grabbed a bag and followed Kerry into the unit, “is it okay if I come in now?” asked Janet making sure she had permission from Kerry. Kerry ignored the question hoping that Janet would get the disapproval but not wanting to be rude to Janet.

“I have to get this into the freezer and fridge before they get warm so if you want a drink feel free.” Janet put the kettle on and made drinks for both of them, she noticed the place was slightly messy and that all of the chairs had stuff on them. Kerry saw her looking and said “I had friends over last night after we went out dancing”, “dancing, since when did you dance?” choked Janet who had never seen Paul offer to dance anymore than the obligatory one. “There are many things that I do that you may find unusual or new, it’s just that I have found new things to do with my time” Kerry said with a hint of acid in her voice. Janet missed the acid, she always did unless it was in gallons rather than drops.

Kerry opened the back door to the patio and put her drink down, Janet followed with her drink and sat down. “Just going to change my top” said Kerry disappearing to the bedroom and removing her tank top and jeans and putting on a pair of very tight shorts over her bikini’s. Janet was looking towards the river when Kerry walked back outside, “I love the view from…” Janet started to say. With Kerry standing at the edge of the patio looking out her new figure made Janet freeze, partly with shock and partly with envy.

The tiny bikini top hardly covered anything, luckily the scar was very well hidden as well, the breasts had good shape and the doctor had created pert rather than sag. “Well do you approve of the new body?” Kerry asked Janet, “or should I get some more saline put into them. They only cost me $2200 US and $2000 for the FFS plus airfares and a small holiday so around seven grand all up”, she continued telling Janet about the facial work and the great treatment from the hospital staff.

“I didn’t realize that you would be doing this so quickly” said Janet obviously shocked at what she saw for the first time since their last argument. “I had a discussion with Bill about moving up the date of transition at work and it all fell into place so why not?” said Kerry turning to find her drink. “Have you planned the rest of the surgery yet?” asked Janet not really wanting to know about the final blow to their marriage. “I have to wait for nearly twelve months before making a booking so this time next year I’ll know when” Kerry told Janet in a ‘matter of fact’ manner.

Kerry thawed a little and let Janet off the hook, I guess thirty years counts for something even after divorce. “How did the week go, you never sent me an email on Friday night” she asked Kerry, they normally sent one email a week just to check up on each other. “Sorry I got invited out by the girls for drinks and yes, some dancing and totally forgot, we had a very late night” said Kerry.

“They haven’t had a problem with you at work?” questioned Janet, “no, the opposite is true the girls have adopted me into the club, sort of a group mum at my age” replied Kerry trying to make a joke about her age. “What about the guys are they OK with it all” Janet said assuming that they would have had something to say about it. Kerry told about the email and the discussion over drinks on Friday afternoon and how they had relaxed with her and appeared to understand her journey.

“I still have to face clients that know me but that may not be for several months if Bill can manage it” said Kerry, wondering what the clients would be told. They had talked about just introducing Kerry as a new person but the same surname may be a giveaway and her knowledge of the client site and operational stuff could tip it slightly. Kerry had talked with some of the clients before the surgery but had been careful not to mention SRS, just a little face work to help with the effects of weight loss.

It was nearly five o’clock and Kerry thought about inviting Janet for dinner, “would you like to stay for dinner?” she asked Janet. Janet blushed slightly, “I have a booking for dinner, thanks anyway” she quietly said, “OK let me know, you mean a date and it’s John isn’t it, I could tell he had the hots for you in the market” Kerry teased Janet but also tried to let her know that she approved of her choice. “Are you OK about that?” asked Janet wanting to keep things with Kerry on a good footing. “I told you last year that you deserved better than I could give you, of course I am happy for you” Kerry said as she hugged Janet and she meant it. “If he has a younger brother I could come along” Kerry joked but Janet couldn’t quite come at laughing.

Janet left and promised to tell all on email later in the week, Kerry finished putting the shopping away and cutting up the meat for the freezer. The house was quiet, too quiet and Kerry felt lonely again, the tears came as she put the cups in the dishwasher and she crumpled into a ball on the bed. Having a great new body and spending Kerry Time was one thing but having no one to spend it with was another, she needed some friends and a goal again. She lay there sobbing at her loss, had she made the wrong choices, could she have lived the rest of her life as a male with a mixed up mind?

Something broke in her, she lay there for over an hour letting it all flood out, until she thought it was all gone. She had crawled under the quilt and curled up into a child like position that made her feel safer. It was nearly seven before she finished her third round of sobbing, surely it must be all gone by now she thought to herself. Kerry forced herself out of bed and put some warmer clothes on over the bikini top, a sloppy jo as they were called, long legs, heels, shorts and a baggy sweat shirt, what a sight.

Kerry pulled out some leftovers and added a simple salad and slumped down in front of the TV, it was nearly seven thirty so something should be starting, another holiday show, places to go and things to do but no one to do it with and she felt herself heave from within again. The feelings were stronger than she had ever felt before and she wondered what had caused it, the divorce was easy enough, the legal side with the directors had worked out very well, Janet was having a date. That started it off again, Kerry thought she had let go but something just wouldn’t leave her alone, was it sharing Janet with someone else or her moving on and Kerry not moving on.

The TV show talked about lifestyle changes, a sea change they called it, surely she had undergone one of those already. Kerry put her food down and grabbed a glass of wine, actually she opened a new bottle of a very nice wine she had just found at a good price if you bought a case, which she did. She watched the goggle box and flicked the channels, ‘Got to get cable” she told herself, followed by “or maybe a life.”

The sun had gone down long ago and she had not closed the curtains, the moon was full and shone through the windows “that’s the problem, full moon” she thought. Stepping outside onto the patio she sipped her wine and watched the moon, it just hung there all alone but proud and bold, she wanted to be like that, proud and bold that is, not the alone part. Kerry refilled her glass and sat down on the chair overlooking the river and the moon reflecting on the water. It must have been a good hour before she realized it was getting cold and headed inside again and closed the doors and curtains. Her mobile beeped to show she had missed a voice mail, it was Janet thanking her for letting her go on a date and finished with “Loves you” not the thing she needed to hear right now but it was good for Janet.

Sunday dawned nice and early, the sun was already up and the weather was going to be nice and warm, low thirties and no wind until the “doctor” came in at 2pm. The Fremantle Doctor or the Docker as some called it, was the sea breeze that cooled the coastal region down in the early afternoon, great for sailing and docking old large sailing vessels in port. Kerry decided on a bike ride so after her shower and shave, yes she still needed to do some of those chores, she took out the bike grabbed a water bottle and bike bag and hit the cycle track.

Her shorts and t-shirt fitted much better after the surgery but she kept finding the weight of having boobs jiggling out front surprised her, time for a good sports bra she noted. That would be one of the highlights of the next week she decided, she needed a day off for a doctor's visit and chose to make it a clothes day as her new chest size had been slightly larger than she had planned before getting to Thailand. It was only when the plastic surgeon helped her with several implants in a special bra that she had chosen more. After all small girls with small boobs looked OK but larger girls, as in taller ones, could get away with a D size or more.

The sun bounced off her shoulders as she rode down the track, towards the city, the water was still and she felt at peace for once. The bike riders that came from behind enjoyed the views as well and many had to swerve to miss things on the track as they got distracted but Kerry was unaware of the trouble her shorts and legs created. The seat had been carefully chosen as Kerry had lumps and bumps in places that normal girls didn’t, even guys didn’t have them in the same place so riding was always to be done carefully. Kerry clamped the bike at one of the bike racks and took a walk along the shore, she had the backpack over her shoulder and was drinking from the water bottle and enjoying just being free to walk along. In her bag she had placed a cheese salad and some multigrain bread from the bakery yesterday, she chose a small lawned area and sat down to enjoy the view.

As she sat there she saw a couple of the old directors walking along talking, her initial thoughts were to run but she had no similarity to the person they sacked nearly two years ago. They walked closer and she watched them, they looked at her, then past her, she had not registered on their list of people they knew. Kerry could not help it anymore and put the food back into her backpack then stood up after they had passed her, she grabbed her bag and followed slowly behind them. When they stopped Kerry walked up to them and as she got close to them she started to speak.

“G’day guys I just wanted to thank you for the insurance money and the name is now Kerry in case you forget, Paul is long gone. All I wanted was an answer as to why you sacked me, but the money will actually help me to become more of the woman you hated so much”

Before they could react she was walking away from them wiggling her hips more than normally, and swinging the bag in her hand. She was amazed at the nerve she felt but had wanted to do this for so long. Had she turned around she would have seen two guys just standing there with mouths open watching her walk down the ramp to the water. This was really messing with their minds.

Kerry kept walking along the beach and finally sat down when she knew that she would be out of sight of the two guys. She went through her bag and picked out her mobile phone and called Janet, “guess who I just saw” she asked Janet “and guess what I told them.” Janet laughed at the comment and wished she could have seen their faces.

Kerry asked how the date had gone and Janet just made comments about the food and the music and not John which meant that she was keeping quiet about something, “and what else happened” she asked Janet. “Nothing else that I need to tell you about” she joked and Kerry actually believed her.

They hung up and Kerry kept walking along the beach, the water was so inviting and Kerry had put her one piece bathers on under the shorts, she thought about just paddling her feet and stripped off her t-shirt and shoes leaving just her shorts on. The water was nice and she got carried away as she waded out, her shorts got wet so she plunged in and got wet all over. The wind was still slight so drying off in the sun was quite nice, she lay on the sand and let the sun soak into her skin. Kerry reached into her bag and took out the salad and bread, she washed her hands in the sea and came back to sit on her towel and eat lunch.

Joanne was walking along the foreshore with a friend when she spotted Kerry and ran over to her, “don’t you look the beach bunny” said Jo as she hugged Kerry. The friend came and sat down with them both, Sonja was working at a local company as the accountant and had met Jo during one of the implementations last year. They sat and talked for a few minutes before heading off for ice creams and invited Kerry to come along, she didn’t want to eat fattening foods but went along for the company.

The three girls went for ice creams and Kerry grabbed an iced tea, it had become her favorite drink since starting her diet nearly a year ago. They were going to the pictures at four and asked Kerry if she wanted to join them, Kerry accepted but said she would ride home, get changed and meet them at four. Kerry walked to her bike and rode home, it was just after three by the time she arrived and headed straight for the shower.

Kerry chose a knee length cream skirt and light weight blouse over her white bra and silk knickers, her white heels and conservative makeup looked very nice along with the slight red shading from a day in the sun. Kerry parked her car in the parking station and walked over to the cinema just as Jo and Sonja reached the front counter, they bought tickets and entered the cinema carrying popcorn and drinks. The film was “Stepping Out” standard dirty dancing, good guy learns to dance movie, and makes out with the lead girl. It was only around six when they left the cinema so Jo suggested a bite to eat and maybe a drink or two, Kerry had no desire to go home and be alone again so she agreed to follow along. They ate in a fairly busy Italian café, the other two ordered a large meat lovers Pizza and Kerry ordered her normal chicken salad, gaining weight was still a risk for her with the hormones making everything change. The evening crowd came and went as the girls talked and all along Sonja had no idea that Kerry was anything but what she looked, a very normal middle aged woman.

Next time - Kerry and the doctor have serious talks, Jo helps Kerry into the singles scene and Kerry takes Jo shopping.

BTW - I have tried breaking up the chapter with more speech breaks, does it help?

The Doctors appointment was on Friday morning so Kerry had booked the whole day off, she was also going for her very first bra fitting, after all when you provide the filling what cup size you buy is not a big issue. The week flew by as Kerry got into client meetings and looked at configuration proposals, her experience in implementations made her look at things differently. The time allocated for tasks was often too small and the client would have been better knowing up front that some things could not be done in the exact way the salesman had been telling them. She talked with Bill once a week to cover her transition and also her new position, her added insight made Bill look at the entire quoting process and how it could be made better for both parties. Over quoting and under delivery was the worst scenario for clients, it made them angry and they had to invariably spend more money than they had planned on.

The girls all went out for lunch on Tuesday and Kerry seemed to just fit in with them, on Thursday the guys had decided on their own lunch time and just to spite the girls they invited Kerry along. Bill had actually worked on this as he still observed the gap between the guys and Kerry, same restaurant different crowd she thought as they arrived at Bills now favorite place. The lunch times made talking easier and less disruptive to work periods so Bill was happy to see Kerry being accepted by both groups. He found Kerry related in a different way when near the guys, more careful than carefree, she guarded her words and seemed to expect rejection or pain. Kerry tried really hard to relax but the elephant in the lounge room was still very visible to her.

Friday came around quickly and Kerry took her time rising from her bed, she had bought a new quilt cover on Thursday night and along with the new sheets set the room was brighter and pinker than ever before. She slipped on her silk wrap got a cup of tea and walked outside to drink it while watching the bike riders pedal to work along the river bike track. Her appointment wasn’t until 10 and she still had a good two hours to spare so she decided on a quick bike ride to burn some energy and help her keep fit. An hour later and she was hot and sweaty after pedaling nearly 30km’s, her t-shirt was soaked but she felt much better apart from the lump in her pants that hurt too much. Kerry hit the shower and let the water run down her hybrid body, the top was looking fantastic but she longed for the day when the lower part was completely right. She did check out the pain but assumed it was due to how she was sitting on the bike seat and the pace she had set today.

She dressed in a very neat skirt and blouse that could be unbuttoned when she got her fitting done, the doctor would probably need to examine her as well. She put on a pair of pantyhose and heels, her rings and watch then the new gold and diamond pendant she had just bought herself, “you just have to love gold and diamonds” she thought. The matching earrings hung down her neck and swung drawing attention to her, the makeup was office wear, well at least for a twenty something year old girl it would have been office wear.

She left the unit in plenty of time to park the car and walk to the doctor’s rooms on the main street. Doctor Gwynn Jones was a specialist in gender and sexuality and had been recommended by Kerry’s GP when she first asked about hormones over a year earlier, even before the split. He ran a small group of rooms and spent some time overseas studying and practicing in poorer countries, he had recommended the doctor in Thailand when Kerry had asked him for a cheaper option. Kerry had not seen him for two months, which was well before her trip overseas, and as she waited for her appointment she thought back over the last year under his care.

The hormones had worked very well and her body had not only trimmed down but she had seen a growth in hips and buttocks while losing in the waist legs and arms. Her tan had added a glow to her skin and with the hair colouring she looked quite different let alone the facial surgery and breast work. Doctor Gwynn called her name and she walked into his office.

“I have to say that you have changed a lot over the last year, are you happy?’ he asked her.

“Look at my smile, what do you think Gwynn” she replied and did a quick turn for him. “I have had a note from Dr Param letting me know about your visit, the work he did for you and asking me to do a few checks” he told her. “Does that mean he was concerned with something?” Kerry asked him getting concerned, “no just a regular review and a look at the hormone implant” he told her.

The doctor asked Kerry about the trip and the hospital, the pain and any remaining issues, he then asked “Okay, I need to examine your breasts and scrotum, would you like a gown?” “I think it would be easier than just stripping in front of you” she laughed. Kerry stepped behind a screen and took off her clothes and put on a gown, this was the first time he had required the full gown to be used. The Doctor warmed his hands before gently massaging her breasts, “any pain around here, or here, what about here” he asked her “nothing at all” she replied.

“Now can you lay down on the bench please” he told her tapping the table, he pulled her gown up slightly and looked at her scrotum. “Dr Param asked me about your scrotum as he noticed you were having some pain, how is this” he asked but Kerry jumped so much he knew the answer. “How long has it been sore?” he asked as he kept gently moving the penis and scrotum around, “about three months but it’s getting far worse, especially today” Kerry explained.

The doctor got her to get dressed as he made some notes, when she walked back around the screen she was getting very concerned about the pain. “I just thought it was related to the hormones and stuff, nothing serious” said Kerry showing the pain slightly.

“Have you done anything different over the last month” he asked, “what apart from facial surgery, growing boobs and having sacks of saline shoved up my jumper, no nothing” she said trying to joke about it.

“I mean physical and don’t be flippant” he chided her but understood her tense nature, “what about medication, have you changed anything at all.” The doctor consulted his notes and there was nothing out of the ordinary, the hormones blocked androgens and boosted estrogen, the implant was a better delivery device nothing more.

His mood moved just slightly and he got serious with Kerry, “I can make a quick booking for you at my hospital as I need to have a look inside” he told her “when, how long, are you sure?’ Kerry asked getting more concerned. He then went on to tell her about testicular cancer and the effects of vasectomy but he needed to have a closer look. “If you can chop those things off at the same time then please go ahead” she told him “I don’t think it will come to that yet, not for another eleven months dear” he said, not really convinced. The receptionist paged his phone and let him know about the booking, “OK, I can get you in at three o’clock today, is that alright by you?” he asked her. Kerry left the doctors rooms feeling very flat and more than a touch concerned at what he had told her, the option of cancer was scary for anyone to hear.

Suddenly the joy of a bra fitting had vanished as she drove home to get an overnight bag just in case she got admitted. Kerry just potted around the unit and tidied up after packing a nighty and a change of clothes. She made a phone call to the office and spoke to Bill about going under the knife later on the in day and got several assurances that she could take whatever time she needed. She thought the clock had stopped moving it was going so slowly, she decided to get out of the unit rather than mope around. The doctor had told her to wear casual loose fitting clothes as surgery could hurt for a few days, that would mean tucking things away could be difficult. Kerry had chosen a grey track suit with sneakers and a black sports top and white tank over the top, so after adjusting her makeup she left the unit. Kerry drove along the coast road and stopped to watch the yachts about 500m out to sea, they had spinnakers out and were making good speed and distance, she still missed her yacht. Kerry walked a little and tried to relax but found herself parked and inside the hospital in plenty of time.

The doctor had ordered a day room for her so she sat in a big recliner and read a magazine wearing one of those horrible gowns with her pants still on. The nurse checked that she had eaten nothing since nine in the morning or had drunk more than water, otherwise she would have trouble with the medications. Dr Gwynn was on time so just before three she had the first pre-med and waited in the chair, by three o’clock the nurse moved her to a trolley bed and administered the next pre-med to put her closer to sleeping.

All the forms had been signed and completed long before the drugs came out but Kerry wanted to ask Dr Gwynn about the “Best Outcome” clause she noted, he told her that if he found anything unusual he would do whatever was required in line with his understanding of her desires for the best outcome. This clause allowed him a level of legal cover but only if he had firm direction from the patient or medical grounds dictated a rapid response. She started to count backwards from ten, nine, the familiar taste in the back of her mouth as the drugs took over, she had already prayed and it was now up to the doctor.

The nurse shook her and asked something silly, about needing a drink yet, but what about the surgery she tried to say but nothing worked in her head. The nurse came around a few minutes later, “how are you feeling now dear?’ she asked Kerry, still nothing worked. Next time around Kerry asked what time it was only to be told that it was now five o’clock and she had been back from surgery for thirty minutes. Kerry tried to focus, the surgery was only meant to be exploratory and take thirty minutes, something must have gone wrong and then the pain hit in the groin. Medication is a great thing, it takes away so much pain, physical and mental.

Kerry woke at seven and found herself lying in a bed with a drip in her arm and another bed alongside. This was definitely a ward and not a day room she concluded as she looked for a nurse. “Can you tell me what the doctor had to do please?’ she asked a senior looking nurse, “Dr Gwynn will be around at eight when he does his rounds so just relax until then” she was told. Kerry drifted in and out as the IV drip dispensing the pain killer beeped and pumped into her body. The doctor came into her room just after eight and asked how she was feeling, “groggy but only just in pain” she said but really wanting to know what had happened. Dr Gwynn explained that he found the testes had been drying up for around four months but had been damaged at some time and had started to get inflamed, his only choice was to perform an emergency removal of them and tidy the scrotum up.

“You didn’t remove any skin did you?” she asked quickly, knowing that it would be required when Dr Param did the next round of SRS. The doctor assured her that he had spoken with Dr Param earlier in the day about his concerns and had been very careful to maintain everything that was needed and remove anything that wasn’t needed. Kerry breathed again, “that’s okay then doc, how long will I be in here or off work” Kerry asked him. Dr Gwynn told her she could go after morning rounds but would probably need a week off work as the pain was similar to having everything removed, sort of a foretaste of the pain to come.

The next morning she woke, and hobbled into the shower after asking the nurse, “just keep it warm and not too hot” she was told. Kerry felt down to the were the pain was coming from and the lack of round balls felt much better to her, maybe all the bad thoughts about them had killed them off. “Should have tried it earlier” she thought as the water washed over her body, “another bit gone for good” she said. The nurse checked on her and told her to just put loose pants on and not to try to tuck anything away today, they were used to having clients like her. Kerry shaved and applied her makeup and even put a nice top on before breakfast, the doctor would be checking down below so Kerry sat in bed and waited. The doctor came around, looked in and asked how she was feeling, he vanished for several minutes then came back and pulled the curtains closed. “Let me have a look at you my dear” he said very much at ease with her new gender choice, he carefully prodded and tested the area then simply said “fine you can go now but I want to see you on Friday in my rooms” and left.

The nurse came in, gave Kerry some medications in a paper bag and told her that she could call a taxi for her “It’s OK I have my car down stairs”, Kerry was told in no uncertain way that driving was not a good idea. Kerry thought of who would be free at this time on a Saturday, it would have to be Janet or a taxi, “how long before I can drive?” she asked the nurse, “twenty four hours after the anesthetics” so five o’clock tonight.” Kerry called a taxi and went home by herself, she sat in the cab feeling every turn and bump, her pain showing on her face and the driver slowed down for the big bumps.

Kerry unlocked her unit and walked inside after paying the cab fare, she was alone again and wanted to cry again. “What is it with me lately” she thought trying to go back through what had changed in the last month, it seemed to be only since her face and boob surgery. Slowly she retraced everything in Thailand that Dr Param had done, the only thing that could cause it was the change from tablet to implant for her drugs, the dose was meant to be the same and she had checked on the dosage to make sure the even keel was maintained in her life. She had been on prescription hormones for over six months now and the doctor carefully controlled the dosages of each type, but it couldn’t be anything else, so she cried again.

The mobile phone rang around midday and Bill was asking about her health and condition, “I figure I must have cursed my testicles Bill so they died and had to be removed” Bill crossed his legs silently feeling the pain that all men hate. “I think I need a week off as it really hurts to sit or stand at the moment” she told Bill “no problems I’ll let your boss know about it” he said jokingly since he was her real boss. “I’ll probably be able to do some help desk questions so it will give the guys a breather” she volunteered to Bill. “Fine but just get better and don’t worry if you can’t handle it we’ll see you on Monday, bye” he said hanging up. Bill was being very good about all of this and more caring than he had been with any of the guys that he had seen in the office.

Kerry slept until four and after a light meal she called a taxi to take her back to the hospital car park to pick up her car. The drive there was slightly better so she had a hope of driving her car, until she sat in the seat and stretched out her legs for the pedals, the sudden pain made her scream. Kerry sat there and waited for the pain to go away, she moved her legs again and the pain shot through her body. She waited for the pain to go down again before giving it a third go, there was something very wrong as the pain made her scream again, this time a nurse was coming into the car park and heard the cry. The nurse had seen Kerry on Friday and came over to the car to see what was happening, Kerry got out of the car and leaned against it talking to the nurse. “It shouldn’t be hurting that much after a whole day” she told Kerry who thought the same. “Come inside and let's just check you out” she suggested to Kerry who was not able to go anywhere else anyway.

Kerry lay on a bed after carefully removing her skirt and pants, the nurse checked the wound site and wiped away some blood but found no reason for the pain. It was certainly sore to touch and stretching her legs made Kerry flinch with pain, this was getting worse thought the nurse and called her supervisor. They followed protocol and called the attending doctor to get instructions, Kerry was told he would be in at seven tonight and he had asked for her to be admitted over night. Dr Gwynn arrived just after seven fifteen, he had done the rest of his rounds and came into Kerry’s room, “let’s see what has happened” he said closing the curtains. He inspected the wound site and then pressed some areas just above the scrotum sack that made Kerry jump. Several times the doctor had a look on his face that made Kerry worry after all he had said the “C” word, cancer, during his consultation on Friday morning. Kerry started to cry at the thought of losing everything just as she was finding it for the first time.

“I don’t think it’s that bad dear” the doctor said trying to assure her, “but I may need to go back in and check deeper up so I need a good set of X-rays and can I have an ultra sound as well nurse.” The nurse bought a wheel chair for Kerry and pushed her off to the x-ray unit, a few snaps and then an ultra sound scan of her abdomen region. The doctor had the films within twenty minutes and could see a small dark shape just behind the bladder, it looked fairly small but was wrapped around some plumbing works. He told Kerry that she would have to have surgery in the morning and it could be a few hours long, she asked about cancer and the various types that normally occurred in this body area.

Kerry slept only after a sleeping tablet and was awake by six but could only have a shower and shave, breakfast was cancelled due to her pending operation. The doctor had scheduled an 8am surgery session so Kerry was given a pre-med around seven thirty and transferred onto a trolley bed ready for the ride to the operating room. As the gas hit the back of her throat she asked for a good result and drifted off, only to wake up nearly three hours later in recovery. The nurse made the same silly comments and Kerry did the same, she fell back to sleep until she finally came around as her temperature and blood pressure were being taken. They moved her back to her room and she started to feel better but the pain was different this time, it was higher in the groin. Dr Gwynn came in shortly after she had been moved, he had a chart and paper notepad, he drew a diagram that was supposed to look like her plumbing works.

The short story was that a cancerous growth had attached to the urinary tract and had started to close it off, the surgery removed it and some more tissue that was obviously not meant to be there. Dr Gywnn was happy with the surgery and the tumor was classed as being non life threatening and would not require any chemo therapy. About eight o’clock Monday morning the doctor came around and made a decision that she could go home, this time Joanne got dropped off at the hospital and drove Kerry home. Jo stayed with her for an hour until Bill came by and picked her up for work, he also dropped off a large bunch of flowers for her from the entire team.

It was Monday morning and Kerry was sitting at home with nothing to do, the pain had gone away and she was looking at a full five days of rest, she made it through the first day but Oprah was not her favorite choice. The second day started just the same, she logged into the email and saw Bill’s email asking how she was going, the girls had sent emails wishing her well. She tried to get some work done but couldn’t concentrate on the work, more midday movies and a short trip to get some videos. By Wednesday morning she was feeling much better and actually did some support work for a few clients, the helpdesk was overloaded and they appreciated her clearing some work, Thursday came and went. Friday morning began and Kerry rose early, she showered and got ready for the doctor's appointment at nine thirty, she was feeling much better today. The car drive was alright and she felt no pain this time, parking the car and walking to the rooms took some doing but she arrived in plenty of time. Dr Gwynn called her into the rooms and after a quick check told her that everything looked much better, she could go back to normal appointments.

Joanne called after work to see how she was going and wondered if she wanted to go dancing, “probably not the best thing after surgery Jo” Kerry told her. “Sorry I didn’t think, what about dinner then” Jo asked, “were you thinking of going out or eating at my place?” Kerry asked her. “Well, if you are offering OK but otherwise how about Italian?” Jo asked hoping that Kerry would offer to cook. “What say you bring the wine and bread and I’ll make the pasta and salad?” Kerry offered, “done, see you at seven I’ll bring a couple of friends” Jo replied hanging up. Kerry made a couple of pasta dishes, carbonara and chili tomato, then laid the outside table for four.

Jo arrived on time and introduced her boy friend Tom and his mate Clive. Kerry let them in and as soon as they had poured a drink and gone outside she dragged Jo into the kitchen, “what are you doing to me?” she asked Jo. “Nothing, just thought Clive may like a night out” Jo said with a slight smile on her face, Kerry slapped her across the arm. “Isn’t he too young to be out late?” Kerry asked, trying not to freak out at what she thought of as having a blind date. They rejoined the guys on the patio carrying the salad and bread, Tom made a point of complementing Kerry on a great view from the unit. The meal went down well and both guys said how they enjoyed real cooking for once, the three bottles of wine got polished off mainly by Jo and the guys, Kerry had very little.

They wanted to go for a walk along the bike track so Kerry locked the unit as they walked out the back door, Tom and Jo went arm in arm down the track and Clive followed behind with Kerry. Kerry thought he looked cute but around twenty years younger and also very male, “do you mind if I hold your hand” said Clive. Kerry thought that he was being very polite, but was she ready for such a drastic step, “If you want to, but don’t get any other ideas” she warned him. Kerry felt his hand gently hold hers and they walked along talking, she found herself warming to her new friend. Clive talked about work and asked plenty of open questions so she could talk about herself, she found him easy to get on with but still very young.

“How old do you think I am?” she asked Clive, “I don’t know, about thirty something, why?’ he said. “That’s really sweet of you but I am just over fifty and that is probably closer to your mums age than yours” Kerry told him. He just held her hand firmer as they walked along, Kerry said she had to sit down as walking was harder than she had thought after the operations this week so they found a bench and sat while Jo and Tom just kept walking, Clive put his arm around Kerry when she shivered and she felt the security of being protected. “I’m getting cold out here and it’s probably not good for me” she told him, “lets go back inside and wait for the love birds to come home” she suggested.

As soon as she unlocked the patio door Clive held her waist and she knew what was about to happen, “fight or flight” she thought trying to guess what her reaction would be. She was too slow and he pulled her towards him and bent his head to kiss her, he was gentle and the kiss was warm, even soft on her lips. Kerry had a silent argument with Paul, “now is not the time to wake up” she told him, at least in her mind she told him as her body had very definite ideas. Clive had put one hand on her bottom and repeated the kiss, she found herself moving her hips just a tad towards him, too small to feel she thought but Clive picked up on it straight away. He held her like this for only a few seconds, “excuse me” said Jo coming into the garden, with Tom in tow behind her.

“Tom has an early flight out tomorrow so I have to get him home” Jo told Kerry with a glint in her eye that said so much more. “I’ll stay and do the dishes for you then” said Clive knowing it sounded so corny and none of them believed a word he was saying.

As Tom drove out of the driveway Clive shut the door and said “now where were we before they came in?” Kerry now had a major problem, she knew what he wanted and what she could not supply, “look I have just had major surgery down there and my doctor will kill you if you upset his work” was her best idea. His bottom lip dropped and the puppy dog eyes looked so cute, Kerry had been able to use this often in her previous life form.

“Let me see what I can help you with” she said and his eyes opened thinking of all the things she could do for him. Kerry put her arms around his neck and kissed him again, she felt the tell tale lump in his pants and absolutely nothing in her own. Clive reached up and touched her left breast, she shuddered, “are you still cold?” he asked, “actually I think I may just be a little hotter than I thought” she said kissing him again.

“Have you got anything with you?” Kerry asked wanting to know what he expected of the night, “only three” he said “do you expect more then?” she replied. By now the lump was threatening to rip his pants apart so she undid his jeans and let them fall to the floor, he stepped out of them as Kerry took hold of his hand and headed for the bedroom. Clive took off his shirt and socks as Kerry slipped off her t-shirt and bra, “for an old lady you look really good” he joked, “it’s amazing what surgery can do kid, don’t spoil it.” He held her against him and they kissed again, this time Kerry felt the passion moving in her body but not in the usual places as Clive gently touched her breasts and nipples, she noticed they had hardened. What was going through her mind was very confusing but her body kept asking for more and Clive definitely wanted more. Kerry grabbed one of the condoms and rolled it onto him, Paul would have felt very insecure seeing Clive standing there but Kerry just kissed him as she helped him move. Standing there in the bedroom it took very little time to bring Clive to the point of no return, his pounding hips made it very clear what he would rather do to her body. He pulled her closer and then just froze as he came, Kerry felt the surge running through her hand and knew that in 15 seconds he would be putty in her hand.

Kerry was laying on the bed as Clive returned from the bathroom, he jumped into bed and lay next to her, “how was that, good enough for tonight?” she teased him. He kissed her again and played with her nipples, “enough, they are too sensitive now” she told him, surprised at how they had changed in the last eight months. He lay there stroking her belly and playing with her hair, Kerry had so many feelings but she had just enjoyed being wanted.

As they lay there it was Kerry that started the next move, Clive was already getting hard as she kissed his chest and belly, she knew just where to push the buttons and made sure he was pushed. The second condom was opened and rolled out for duty, Clive had never used more than one in any night, actually he hadn’t been able to use any for a long time. Kerry kissed and sucked his nipples until he was arching his back, she pressed the buttons and he exploded again, this time the condom burst and it went all over the sheet. Kerry just kissed him and held him as he lay there not trying to do anything else, “typical man, no thought of the woman's needs” she thought quite happy he didn’t. They lay like that for an hour before Kerry told him it was time to go home, “why can’t I stay here?’ he asked, “cos I have friends coming around at nine to help me with the housework and you are too young for their eyes” she said firmly.

Clive cleaned up and got dressed, Kerry slipped on her nightie and saw him to the door, “what about the dishes?’ he asked, “I have a dish washer and it has already finished an hour ago, go home” she said kissing him again. As Clive drove off Kerry knew that she had crossed a line tonight, she had no doubts about the transition or the final result she wanted to be a real woman. The bedroom looked like a bomb had gone off, she pulled up the quilt and snuggled under and fell asleep, making love was hard for a woman like Kerry.

The sun streamed through the lounge curtains and promised to make it a lovely day as Kerry walked out to the kitchen and breakfast. Her mobile beeped to let her know she had missed a message from Jo, no doubt wanting to know the details of her first date as Kerry. “OK you can come over if you want, I’ll make breakfast for us both” she told Jo who only lived a few kilometers away. Before the kettle boiled Jo was in the driveway and heading for the door.

“Well, tell me what happened after we left” she said pulling up a chair. “What do you mean?” Kerry said playing coy with her, “you know, I saw the look on your face when we surprised you kissing him, or was that eating him” Jo said. “A good girl never tells is what I was told” said Kerry, “yes, but you were not good last night were you?” asked Jo. Kerry smiled and blushed “Clive would have to tell you how good I was, but it was fun, I knew exactly what he wanted” she said. “I am not surprised at that but what about you, what did you get out of it?” asked Jo. Kerry laughed and said something about how hard her nipples felt and the warm sensations in unusual places and not needing to have any more yet.

Jo stayed while Kerry cleaned up the house and the bedroom, “I see stains on the sheets, it must have been good for Clive” Jo said laughing at Kerry’s blushing face. “I need to do some shopping do you want to come with me?” asked Kerry “I need fruit and veg and some more meat.” Kerry raced through the shower and makeup and put on her jeans, boots and her little tank top and jewelry. “Is that what you shop in?” asked Jo “and what will you get offered?” Kerry looked at her image in the mirror and wondered what it would be today, “who knows it may be worth bringing home, let's go” she said grabbing her keys and shopping bags.

Jo had started to see another side of Kerry and could see the changes happening very quickly, sometimes she thought it may be too quickly. Kerry drove her car into the car park and chose a space away from the main area so she could walk past all of the outside shops. Kerry stuck her head into Jill’s shop and said hello, “next Thursday Ok Jill?” asked Kerry “only if we do drinks afterwards dear” said Jill. “Done, I’ll see you at six then, bye” said Kerry waving as she left the shop. “You are becoming quite the social butterfly aren’t you” said Jo, “I do have a few years to catch up on” replied Kerry. They walked around the fruit market and Kerry filled her bags at the usual stall, same fruit and the same chat up lines. Meat and more flirting lines from both of them, Jo was beginning to feel sick at the way Kerry enjoyed herself and said so. “I’ve seen you get close with Tom and didn’t care who saw you, so keep quiet” said Kerry but thought she should tone it down a little.

Jo called time out for a coffee break so they found a table and ordered a drink. Kerry was beginning to enjoy having Jo as a friend and she thought the age difference was almost insignificant. Kerry drank her coffee as Jo played with hers, “just be careful, you don’t want a bad name around work” said Jo. Kerry understood but hadn’t thought it would apply to her until last night, it was as if she went from 12 to 22 in one week. Kerry stopped drinking and looked at Jo.

“I have no idea what is happening to me Jo, my mind is racing all over the place. Poor Clive nearly got raped last night I was so stirred up” she said, “I thought something had moved quickly from the look on his face” said Jo. "They told me that 'transition' was the name of the game as well as the task and it seems that change is happening in too many areas of my life and too quickly, what do I do?" Kerry asked. Jo had no real advice as the whole scene was outside of her experience so she just talked about going slowly and not jumping everyone in pants. Kerry also told Jo about missing out on her bra fitting experience last Friday so Jo offered to go with her if she felt good enough. “I feel fine physically just a little emotional now” Kerry told her, “good you probably need a good dose of therapy” said Jo standing up to go.

They walked to the car and Jo wanted to know if Kerry had a preference for where to get fitted, “I’ve never done this before so you choose for me” Kerry asked. They drove back to the unit, unloaded the groceries and then on to one of the larger shopping centres and parked the car, “I like to shop at DJ’s they always do a good job” said Jo heading for the mall entrance. The girls walked through the mall and Kerry pointed out a shop that had formal wear and let Jo know she wanted to come back there. They entered DJ’s and walked around to the bra section, the range was good but not as risqué as the lingerie shop Kerry normally used.

“I’m beginning to feel old, are you sure they are good” asked Kerry just as the assistant, Donna, came over to them. Jo told her that Kerry needed fitting properly as her breasts had increased suddenly and no they wouldn’t change any more if she understood. Donna looked at Kerry well more like looked at her chest and then her face, “What style are you thinking of, daywear, sports, night time?” she asked Kerry who thought a bra was a bra. “I probably need a selection of each type, since my change” she suggested without saying what the change was. Donna took Kerry into a special fitting area and got her to remove her top so she could see her current bra and make the correct measurements. She was very professional and never asked about the sudden change but assumed it was just implants.

"You are very well shaped and a good support bra should help you stay that way” she concluded. “Good, I would hate to have to spend another five grand” said Kerry trying to relax by joking around. “Well it was well spent” said Donna, “I can only just see the scars and I know where to look.” Kerry tried on several styles and any of them would have been good for her so she chose about six pairs including a good sports bra for the bike. The classic silk and lace ones in black and white as well as a couple of pairs of skin tone sweater bra’s for under see through tops and a very nice push up bra. The sale pricing brought the whole lot to just under two hundred dollars and Kerry realized that comfort only came at a cost, light and skimpy is fine for younger thinner girls with no more than a C cup.

Jo and Kerry walked around the mall until Kerry found the formal shop, “I just want to look inside, I am not going to buy anything” she tried to tell Jo. “Sure, you won’t buy anything at all” laughed Jo and Kerry was already inside looking at a red long strapless gown with a long slit up the back. “You would look enchanting in that with your auburn hair” said the sales person, closing in quickly for a sale. “Where do you plan on wearing it” asked Jo “and with who or is that a silly question?” Kerry ignored her and held the dress up against her body, “what do you think, belle of the ball?” asked Kerry. She put the gown back and told the assistant that she just wanted to look, and look she did at several very nice gowns and outfits that she would have loved to own. Kerry tried a couple on but came back to her first choice, back at DJ’s she had swapped her old bra for the new push up one she had just purchased and made a stunning impact in the shop. The boots she had on did not do justice but the gown was long enough to be hidden from view.

“Can you hold this for me, I’ll be back in around thirty minutes?’ Kerry asked the assistant, “it will be out the back until we close dear” she said thinking that Kerry would not return. Kerry left the shop and walked down to the shoe shop, she found a pair of four inch heels in silver with rhinestones on the straps. A few minutes later she was back in the formal shop with her new shoes and asked for her gown again, the assistant was surprised that she came back as several people ran when they saw the prices. Kerry went into the change rooms and swapped her jeans and boots for gown and new shoes, “the princess is only lacking the tiara” she thought. Leaving the shop with her new gown, shoes, bra’s and a lighter credit card made her feel much better.

Jo enjoyed shopping with Kerry but wondered where the money came from, she knew nothing about the legal settlement since that was covered by a confidentiality clause. “What are you doing tonight?” Kerry asked Jo, “nothing special, what did you have in mind?” asked Jo suspecting that Kerry would want to try her new gown out. “I would like to go to the ballet or somewhere that I can show off my new clothes” she said, “don’t you mean your new figure?” joked Jo. “Alright but I want to go out with the girls tonight” she sulked. Jo sat down at a café and told Kerry to order a drink for her. Jo made a few phones calls and then waited for Kerry to return, “what have you planned?” Kerry asked as the mobile rang. Jo talked in short words that made no sense to Kerry, as she finished the call it beeped again with an SMS then another one. Jo made one more call and simply said “that will be for five OK, fine I’ll see you at seven, bye” she said hanging up. Jo flicked SMS’s out and then turned for her drink, “all done, we are going out tonight, your only job is to get ready.”

It was now just after one so they had five hours to spare, “Lets see if Jill can fit us both in this afternoon, my shout” said Kerry and speed dialed Jill’s salon. Kerry asked for Jill and told her all about the new gown and how she would really appreciate it if she could get two appointments for the lot. “Thanks dear and I will still come for drinks on Thursday, promise, bye” said Kerry folding her phone and putting it into her handbag. “We now have only two hours to spare until three o’clock when Jill can handle both of us, she normally closes at three but will call in a favor just for me” Kerry said. “Lets have lunch and then I want one more thing” she said going to the counter, “what do you want, my shout?” she told Jo.

Two salads later and the girls were back walking around the mall, “I really need some ‘bling’ to go with the new gown” she told Jo. The national chain jewelry shops had some nice bits but not quite good enough for her liking, “where do you reckon I can get a nice necklace from?” she asked Jo. Jo turned her around and went to a very small jewelry store “check out this lot first” she said pointing to a very lightly stocked counter. The sales person came over and asked how he could help the ladies today, “we need to see some really nice bling, if you know what we mean” Jo told him. “Did madam have any price range in mind?” he asked, Kerry turned to him and said that “money was not the issue but look was everything” he relaxed and went for a tray of gold and diamonds chains. He had Kerry’s attention straight away, “now you are talking my language, keep talking” she told him.

Kerry sat down and let him put a beautiful heavy gold and diamond chain around her neck. It sat there sparkling as she moved, “it looks slightly lost by itself, don’t you think” she asked him. A second tray came out with a matching wrist chain, “very nice, but what about the cost” asked Jo, the salesman simply ignoring her and focused on Kerry the client. “You don’t need to worry Jo, I can afford it” Kerry told her, “these are very nice but I think I need more, do they have matching earrings or anything else?” Kerry asked the salesman who was getting rather excited at the opportunity of making bonus this week. He produced a pair of earrings and then a small delicate watch all in the same pattern, “they were made especially for a client that changed her mind about a month ago” he told Kerry.

The total cost was well over the daily EFTPOS limit so she had to use her credit card, and with the new twenty grand limit she had just made a significant dent in her available credit. Jo looked at her, as the items were each wrapped and put into a special bag complete with the special case they came in. Stepping outside Jo had to ask, “are you sure you can afford all of this, or shouldn’t I ask?” she said, Kerry just grabbed her by the arm and told her to stop worrying then stopped in the middle of the store entry.

“I am so sorry, Jo” she said grabbing her arm and turning back into the shop, “I’ve changed my mind, I need something for my friend as well” she said to the young salesman. Before Jo could complain Kerry had chosen a nice necklace and pair of earrings for Jo, “try these on and don’t look at the price” Kerry told her. Jo had to sneak a look at the price when Kerry was checking out another pair of earrings for herself, just then Kerry turned around, “what do you think, like them?” she asked Jo.

“I couldn’t take them, they cost too much” Jo told Kerry, “I said, do you like them not do you like the price” Kerry replied getting annoyed at Jo.

“Yes I love them, but look at the price” Jo said trying to argue with Kerry, “fine, we’ll take them please” Kerry told the salesman. Jo stood up and hugged Kerry, “I’m really glad Paul has left the scene, thank you so much” she said as the bag was handed to her and the credit card handed back to Kerry. Jo put her arm through Kerry’s and walked out of the mall.

“I gather something has happened financially for you” she said “Yes but I can’t talk about it, there is a confidentiality clause on it” Kerry told her.

By three o’clock they were sitting in the salon waiting for Jill to call them, “I have asked Karen to come and give me a hand again” said Jill. “Hi Karen, you did my nails and makeup a few months ago, how are you?” Kerry asked Karen as she introduced herself to Jo and Kerry, “of course I remember, how are you going?” Karen asked not expecting an answer. Jill had one of the junior girls start by washing their hair and then conditioning, then she trimmed Jo’s hair, while another girl did Kerry’s colouring, it was getting more auburn each month. Karen did their nails, this time Kerry had full acrylics like Jo’s, and then Jill and Karen did their makeup, all up it was nearly five before they got out of there.

Jo’s mobile had beeped several times during the visit and Kerry wondered what she was up to for their night’s entertainment. “I feel so pampered, thank you” said Jo as Kerry started the car and drove out of the car park to go home. They stopped at Jo’s place on the way to pick up her clothes and shoes, “are you going to tell me what we are doing tonight Jo?” asked Kerry as Jo chose a formal gown and shoes. “Not yet, just sit back and enjoy the night out with the girls, at least you won’t get into trouble” Jo told her.

When they got back to the unit Kerry put the kettle on and made some tea for herself and coffee for Jo, “you can use either bedroom to get changed in” Kerry told Jo. They sat and drank while they talked as time got closer for them to get ready, this was going to be a big night out and Kerry had no understanding of what was ahead for her.

Next time - Is Paul really dead and buried or should Jo watch her pretty steps?

Kerry and the girls go out, but what happens before then makes Kerry think about the future.
Jo becomes more than a colleague.

The time for getting dressed approached so just after six Kerry got up and went into the bedroom, she went to her lingerie drawer and pulled out her favorite corset, it was white silk with six garter straps and a lace to pull in the waistline. Kerry had just taken off her jeans and top when Jo came in and saw her holding the corset up “wow that’s really sexy looking but what’s it like to wear?” asked Jo. “It takes some getting used to but feels fantastically feminine” Kerry told her, “would you like to try one on, I have a spare one that should fit you?” asked Kerry.

Jo thought about it for a second or may be less “only if you are sure, what else do I need to wear with it?” she asked Kerry. “Absolutely nothing, I have the pants and stockings to go with it and your gown goes over the top”

Kerry was saying as Jo started stripping off her clothes, any thought of undressing in front of a male workmate didn’t come up, “this is like having an older sister and playing dress up” Jo told Kerry. “Great I love playing dress up but less of the old sister please” Kerry said happy to have found a friend like Jo. Kerry handed Jo a pair of royal blue silk knickers and told her to put them on and take her bra off, Jo did it in her own order and stood there naked as Kerry returned with the dark blue corset. Jo let out a squeal as she saw the corset “that is so sexy how come you have all the nice things” she said as she took hold of the corset not concerned that she had nothing on.

“Jo, Paul may be dead but he’s not buried yet, could you at least put your pants on” Kerry asked politely, “why, does my body do things for you?” Jo teased. Jo stepped up to Kerry and went to put her arms around her neck, “Jo, please don’t” Kerry asked very seriously. Jo saw that she had just stepped over the line and backed up quickly “sorry I shouldn’t have done that to you” Jo said and grabbed the pants. Kerry handed her the corset and told her to put it around her body but just below her bust, then turn around so Kerry could lace it up. The mood had changed significantly between them and Jo felt bad teasing Kerry after she had been so kind to her.

“Can we stop for a minute, I need to make this right” Jo said “I was stupid and you have been so good to me, can you forgive me?” Jo asked. Kerry saw Jo’s eyes getting wet, she hugged Jo and let her stand there until she stopped crying then wiped her eyes for her, “don’t be silly, now you are being more like a sister” said Kerry.

“Sometimes I just don’t know when to stop though, so you’ll have to tell me when I get silly OK?” said Jo, “deal, now lets get some clothes on you, sis” said Kerry. Kerry laced up the corset and told Jo to breath in as the lace was tightened, it took the smile off her face as Kerry pulled it tight then did the entire run again even tighter. “Now take little shallow breaths and it will get easier” Kerry told her seeing the look of pain on Jo’s face. Jo looked into the mirror and saw the effect it had on her waistline, “wow, look at my shape” she said “I wish it was that easy every day without the pain.”

Kerry slipped off her bra and stepped into her corset, she lifted her new pert breasts into the open cups where they sat and rested with the nipples pointing through the silk edging. Kerry started to do the lacing herself, “hang on why should you get out without any pain” Jo said and reached for the lace, she untied the lace and then started at the top and made it tight. A second run and Jo was amazed that Kerry had no trouble with the tightness, “how often do you wear this?” Jo asked, “almost every time I go out somewhere special” Kerry said.

Kerry handed Jo a pair of grey silk topped stockings with seams up the back and told her how to pull them up, she sat on the bed rolled them up and pulled them up her legs. “Let me clip them on for you” Kerry said bending down, Jo felt her hands touch the inside of her legs and hold the stockings as she clipped on the clasps. Without thinking, Kerry smoothed out the stockings by running her hands upwards, and then did the second leg. Jo was trying really hard not to react and upset Kerry again but she couldn’t help, “If you do that again I will attack you even if Paul is dead.” “Sorry, I didn’t mean to do anything, really” said Kerry looking up at Jo’s face as she finished.

“There you are and the best part is no one will know unless you tell them.” Kerry picked up a pair of white silk stockings with small rhinestones on the ankle and an embossed pattern up the leg, she rolled them up and gently pulled them up her legs. “My turn, let me clip you up” Jo said and bent down to take the clasps, Jo ran her hand up Kerry’s leg and smoothed them out before clipping each clasp one at a time. She moved to the second leg and saw Kerry shudder as she smoothed out the top of the stockings and clipped up the clasps.

When she stood up they were face to face each wearing corsets and stockings, Kerry just a few inches taller but they both looked every part like women set on having a good night out. Kerry leaned forward as Jo came up and bent her head to kiss Jo, “are you sure you want to do this?” Jo asked. Too late, Kerry quickly kissed her and then turned and walked away, “I guess not, just paying you back little one” Kerry said.

Just before seven they were both dressed in their gowns, new bling, new shoes and standing in the lounge having a drink waiting for the other girls to arrive, the limo pulled up right on seven. “Ok girl lets go, this is one night you are going to enjoy” said Jo grabbing her bag, Kerry picked up her clutch purse and locked the unit. The limo had Sue and Gwen from work as well as Jill from the salon sitting inside, Tanya couldn’t make it but Jill said she would love to come along when we had our hair done.

“How did you organize the car so quickly?” asked Kerry, “My brother is the driver for the company and had jobs booked for six and one at eight so lets get moving” said Gwen. “We are taking you to the Old Her Majesty Theatre to see ‘Annie Get Your Gun’ and we can sing along” said Sue. Sue had found a gala night with spare tickets, Gwen had tracked down a car and a place to eat, Jill brought along the drinks and Jo had organized it all by SMS from her mobile.

“Look at you, I love the bling” said Sue talking to Kerry, “and you have on your finest as well dear” she said to Jo. The two girls just looked at each other and smiled, Jo felt like she was being pampered by Kerry her oldest sister. “You will never guess what we both have on?” said Jo, “so much for not telling anyone big mouth” chipped in Kerry. “Give up, OK I’ll tell you” Jo said not giving them any time to think, “Kerry leant me one of her corsets and stockings just for the night.” “I thought you had lost a bit of your weight” chuckled Gwen, “you really should try one on, it’s so sexy it may even help your sex life Gwen” she threw back at Gwen. “Okay kittens here’s to a good night out” Sue said handing out the glasses of champagne, “to sisterhood” said Jo and they tapped their glasses.

The Limo took off and headed along the river and up into Kings Park, the traditional Limo path to anywhere, Darryl stopped the car and the girls poured out with glasses in hand to look at the lights of the city. While it was only seven at night it was already getting dark since daylight saving had not been a part of life in the city, something about “WA standing for Waiting Awhile.” They stood there in all of their finery, Kerry and Jo stood at one end and Jo slipped her arm through Kerry’s “thank you for all you did today, I love the jewels” and gave her a little kiss on the cheek.

Darryl called them back inside, he had a timetable to meet and they were just out for fun, the car was so big they could have fitted another three people inside with no trouble. The car slowly drove around the edge of the park as other cars made their way in, the annual school ball season was in full flight and young girls in pretty gowns were everywhere. Sue had chosen the performance and loved the idea of getting all dressed up for the show at the theatre as it had so much style about it and being dropped off at the door would be so cool. The Limo approached the theatre and Darryl slowed down as a line of cars were pulling up at the doors.

“When we get there don’t all jump out, let me open the door for you and try to be ladies” he said. “I’ve been trying to be a lady for forty years, and I’m still trying” said Kerry, the girls laughed but Darryl didn’t have the faintest idea what the joke was. He stopped the car right out front and put his cap on properly as he walked around to the passenger side door, “Ladies, have a great night and I will be back thirty minutes after you call me.” They slid across the leather seats and one by one they emerged into the well lit foyer of the theatre, Kerry followed up at the rear as Darryl drove away for his next booking. Sue produced her ID and came back with the tickets.

“Lets enjoy a cocktail before the show, we have about twenty five minutes. They sat in the cocktail lounge and slowly drank the variety of drinks, which they shared with each other, Jo told them about the shopping, Kerry’s “retail genes” and the makeover at Jill’s place, they chatted about work and kids, lovers and “the change” until the bell rang for five minutes.

The show was fantastic, the audience was told to sing along if they knew the words and from the sound of it many only thought they knew the words. The costumes looked very good and the square dance scene gave Sue another idea for a night out, at intermission some of the girls went off to the ladies room while Kerry enjoyed looking around the theatre. The building was early 1900’s and as she walked around with a glass of wine in her hands she could imagine the beauty of the era, the long ball gowns, the gloves and tiny figures.

She was in a photo display area when a gentleman came up and asked her how she liked the display, “It must have been grand to live in the early years, the beauty and all” she said. “I am sure you would have fitted in very well, by the way, my name is Malcolm I prepared many of the photos you can see” he said in a very charming manner. They talked for a few minutes and then he moved on to other guests, “who was that?” asked Sue as she found Kerry. “Just a nice person that was talking about the photo display” Kerry told her, “and no I wasn’t chatting him up.” The bell rang and they found their seats for the second half. The audience enjoyed the second half just as much and when the curtain came down they shouted for more, they did just two more songs and then called it a night, they had just done two full shows today as well as rehearsals.

As they left the theatre Kerry told them “I am hungry and need some food” although it was nearly ten the theatre was only a short walk away from to a good restaurant and Gwen had made bookings for their after cinema session. They walked along the road, crossed over and walked up the side street until they found the place, it had people everywhere but more were leaving than entering. The waiter checked his bookings sheet and raced off to clear the table, he returned promptly then escorted them to a table that was near the large open glass windows. Menus and water bottles came out as did the wine list and small bread rolls and butter, Gwen gabbed hers as soon as it hit the plate.

“Would madam like a second one?” asked the waiter, “sorry I have been drinking and if I don’t get some food into me I’ll make a fool of myself” Gwen told him, “we wouldn’t like to see madam make a fool of herself would we” he said smiling at her and putting another roll on her plate. They ordered food and more wine, Kerry sat there enjoying having the girls as friends and being able to relax with them all.

Over the two months none of them had made a single negative comment about her changes, she wondered what they really thought. Jo proposed a toast “to the new sister in the office, Kerry” and they all lifted their glasses towards her, Kerry sat and looked at each of them, they had all added to her life in some way, Jill worked with her appearance, Gwen with mature advice, Sue with clothes tips and mostly Jo by just being Jo and making things so much fun. “Thank you girls, I really love having so many sisters looking after me” she told them as her eyes got wet “don’t start that again, you know how it upsets makeup and Jill will get mad” Jo told her.

The food came out and the night wore on, Kerry still watched her weight while some of the others just cleared everything on the plates. Around eleven Gwen called Darryl and arranged to be picked up out front, he arrived close to eleven thirty and parked outside the entrance waiting for the girls. Kerry and Sue had gone to look after the bill but Kerry just told her to leave it to her as she had enjoyed the night so much.

“You can’t afford to pay for all of this, you’ve just got divorced” Sue said and then realized what she had said. “I’m so sorry Kerry I didn’t mean it like that” Sue said trying to explain, but digging a bigger hole, “use my credit card please” Kerry told the cashier. The others had got into the car and were waiting for them but Sue needed to sort out her mistake, “I know you didn’t mean it like that Sue” Kerry said “I just don’t want to see you get hurt any more” Sue said and went to hug Kerry. “Why don’t you come over for brunch in the morning and we can talk” Kerry offered and Sue accepted.

The Limo drove back and dropped Jo and Kerry off first then the others, Kerry blew kisses at them and helped Jo walk inside the unit. Jo collapsed on the couch as Kerry locked the doors, “you are not going anywhere young lady and if you are sick you can clean it up, I’ll be your older sister but I’m sure not going to be your mother” Kerry joked.

Somehow Jo got undressed and cleaned her face before crashing into the bed, Kerry went around and put her clothes in a neat pile, took back the corset and stockings cleaned her own face and hung up her new gown then climbed into bed next to Jo. It must have been lawnmowers or kids that finally woke her up, Jo stirred and rolled on her side to talk to Kerry who was sitting in bed with a glass of juice and a cup of tea reading a book.

“I never thought I would end up in bed with you when we met two years ago” Jo laughed, “and it definitely wasn’t on my agenda either” said Kerry. “Did you enjoy the night out I planned for you?” Jo asked Kerry, “loved it, every single bit of it, thanks sis” Kerry relied. “You seem to really enjoy calling me your little sister” Jo said wondering what was going on in Kerry’s head. “I do, and I can’t say why, I have a younger sister and we get on well but it is different with you, you make me feel alive” Kerry tried to say but found the words getting tangled. “What I mean is, you are fun to be with and make me feel so safe as well, like a good sister should” Kerry said happy to get her thoughts out. Jo moved over close to Kerry, “don’t start any more silly stuff either or I’ll throw you out without your clothes” Kerry said putting down her juice.

Jo tickled her and Kerry retaliated, soon the bedroom was a mess and the two girls lay on the bed laughing, a pillow had burst and foam had gone everywhere. It must have been residual behavior but Kerry found herself with an arm wrapped around Jo’s shoulder and Jo snuggled into her. The door bell rang and Kerry suddenly remembered what she had told Sue.

“Shit, It’s Sue come around for brunch” she said standing up and grabbing her silk dressing gown, “there’s another in my wardrobe for you” she said closing the bedroom door behind her. Sue came in and saw Kerry without much makeup on or her hair brushed, in fact it was very messy for someone that always looked so good at work. Sue had just put down her bag as Jo stepped out of the bedroom, “sorry, have I interrupted anything?” she asked slightly confused, “yes you did, have a look at Kerry’s messy room” Jo said choosing the path of least risk. Jo told her about the pillow fight and Kerry’s need for sisters that can fight back, Sue seemed to be happy with that story and chose to leave the single bedroom out of the equation.

Kerry made a quick check of the pantry for breakfast items, “Jo, go have your shower and you can clean up that mess please” she said sounding more like her mother. “Yes mum” Jo said and vanished into the bedroom, “are you sure you want me to stay?” asked Sue, “of course, I need to talk to you and Jo will be fine as long as I feed her” Kerry said going back to the cupboard for more things. Since the day Janet stayed over and Kerry had nothing for her to eat, Kerry had made sure there were always extras in the unit for friends that just drop in. Jo was in the shower and they could hear her singing.

“She sounds happy today what’s going on?” asked Sue, “absolutely nothing, I have just found a little sister that is fun to be with and I enjoy looking after her” Kerry said. “Now what is on your mind middle sister?” asked Kerry, Sue talked about seeing the changes in Kerry’s life and wanted to make sure she was managing financially and emotionally after the divorce. Kerry thought for a moment and then headed for the bedroom, she retuned wearing the necklace, earrings and the watch.

“I wouldn’t normally do this, but you saw me wearing these last night, I bought them during the day with Jo, remember?” she asked Sue. “You can’t tell anyone but how much do you think they cost and before you upset me look very closely at the real diamonds?” Kerry asked her, “I have no clue but since they are real diamonds and not CZ’s then I have to assume at least two grand” Sue said.

“Sue, you need to buy some nice jewelry for yourself as well” Kerry told her. “They were close to ten grand and if you say anything I’ll never talk to you again” Kerry said chuckling to herself. “Now, think about what I just said and ask yourself do I know something that you don’t?” Kerry asked her, “I have no money problems at all and I loved shopping yesterday, questions answered?”

Jo had finished in the shower and came out wearing her shorts and top with her necklace on as well, Sue saw the chain and looked at Kerry. “What would you like for breakfast Sue, pancakes, French toast or a nice big greasy fry up?” Kerry asked pushing along the conversation, “sorry no greasy anything in this house.” Jo went out to the back to dispose of the pillow foam.

“No, they were nothing like mine cost so don’t worry but she still loves them” Kerry told Sue to put her mind at rest. “No wonder she likes having you as her big sister” said Sue rather surprised at the cost still. Jo came back in and asked about French toast and what it contained, “eggs, milk, vanilla and you can have it with ice cream or berries or both if you have the space after last night” Kerry told her. “Sound’s fantastic, yes please” said Jo, “I bought a large uncut loaf yesterday as I thought you may end up staying overnight” Kerry said pulling it from the pantry.

Sue was told to crack the eggs into a bowl add the milk and whisk, while Jo cut large slices of bread and Kerry took some frozen berries from the freezer. Kerry found the vanilla pod, cut it open and extracted the small seeds, the eggs, milk and vanilla got blended until Kerry was happy then poured it into a large flat baking tray and let the bread soak in the mixture. The frying pan was hot and lightly oiled ready for the bread and mixture, the end result was served with berries and ice cream and a sifting of icing sugar for effect, “you can cook for me anytime” Sue told Kerry. They sat outside and ate the breakfast then polished off juice and coffee as the sun started to warm up.

“Did you have any plans for today or are you just going to sit around all day?” asked Sue, “well I have no plans but sitting around doesn’t sound too bad to me” replied Jo. “I have sat around for the last ten days waiting for the pain to stop and the bruising to vanish, so what are you thinking about Sue?” asked Kerry.

An hour later and the three girls were heading out to the Swan Valley wine district with a picnic hamper and plans to visit a few wineries. Sue used the map book and directed Kerry to one of the major wineries, Sandalfords where they tasted the local drop, several times. The tourist drive took them through the town and by two o’clock they had arrived at Houghtons, the winery had specials at the cellar door so between them they bought twelve bottles of Chenin Blanc and Cab Sav. The winery grounds were great and Kerry pulled out the picnic hamper and blanket, she laid out the food and bread. The three of them sat on the lawn and ate their lunch while the kids ran around playing cricket and parents drank some of the wine they had just bought.

“You know I am really enjoying our time together we should do this more often” Kerry told them both. The rest of the afternoon they talked and relaxed in the sunny picnic grounds until it was closing time then drove carefully home. When they had unpacked the car and put away the picnic set Sue said goodbye and left just Jo and Kerry sitting in the kitchen. “Jo, I’ve had so much fun this weekend thanks to you, first with Clive, then shopping and the theatre and today” Kerry said and hugged Jo. “You have given me something I have never had, a sister to play with, shop with and even tease, I should be thanking you” Jo told Kerry. As Jo went home Kerry knew she had not only crossed a line but had just changed the shape of her future.

Kerry returned to work the next day and after a week off she had to catch up with the state of all of her sales ready for the sales team meeting on Monday afternoon. The sales pipeline was looking very healthy and if it all came together the teams of implementers and trainers would have their work cut out for them over the next nine months. Bill had to catch up with Kerry for their weekly meeting and also to make sure she was ready for work after the surgery so he asked her to lunch on Tuesday at his now favorite place. Working the full day left Kerry drained but happy to be back at work among the buzz of the office rather than sitting at home waiting for something to happen. Dinner on Monday was a throw together followed by Kerry crashing into bed shortly afterwards.

Lunch with Bill started off as normal, they ordered a quick salad and a drink then Bill asked for her general impressions of how her transition was progressing. Bill then asked about her surgery, “are you OK to be working full time this week or do you need some more rest?” “if I had to stay at home another day I would have gone mad, but thanks for asking.” It had been only a month since the start of her RLT but already Kerry had broken some major hurdles that other T-Girls had taken a lot of effort to get over. The entire team had been supportive of Kerry or at least silent on the matter, she was being naíve to think that she had total acceptance of her transition. The way the company had outlined its policies and acceptance of Kerry had really helped and the encouraged lunches also helped breakdown the barriers quicker but it was mainly the way that Kerry and the girls got on that seemed to make the rough road much smoother. The surgery was eleven months off and several other things had to be cleared before the go ahead was given.

Kerry got home after work one day to find a note pinned on her door, “please call me at home, Sam,” and gave the phone number but no other details. Kerry was cautious about just ringing someone out of the blue until she remembered that the previous owner of the unit was called Sam and found the paperwork to confirm the phone number. The two units next to Kerry were going to be put on the market at the same price that Kerry had paid and Sam wanted to know if she wanted to buy one for investment purposes. Sam told her that one of the tenants had finished their lease and he was thinking of selling them quickly to give him some cash flow to buy another much larger group of units.

“Why don’t you come around after work with the keys and let me check them out, I may be interested in both units” Kerry told him. The next day Sam turned up promptly at five thirty as Kerry pulled her Subaru into the drive.

“Hi, my names Sam” he said holding out his hand “I finally get to meet you” Sam’s eyes doing the visual checkout of her body as Kerry unlocked her unit. Kerry had only dealt with the agents for both the rental and sale of her unit, Sam had no memory of Paul ever renting the unit from him and would have been slower to flirt if he had known. Sam showed Kerry the ground floor unit with its layout being a mirror image of hers, the upper unit was same layout but two balconies, front and back rather than a garden. They needed painting and the floor coverings would need replacing but the kitchen and bathroom was much better than hers, the only real negative was the view from the ground floor unit being limited to the park and not the river. Kerry checked to see if they could have seen her on the patio when she had been relaxing or working out. Kerry stood at the balcony and looked out to the river, this would have been a much better unit if the trees had not been planted so close to the property line.

“Sam, lets get straight down to the dealing, how much do you want for both units as is no painting or any refurbishments?” Sam was surprised that she wanted both and had to think quickly about the answer “I guess that’s just the cost of each unit added up?” Sam said seeing if he could get away with it.

“Sam, I am talking quick sale, one transaction and no conditions like finance approval so how about 450 grand for the pair?” Kerry asked him knowing that was 50 grand below his asking price. “Do you mean a cash sale or do you have finance approved already?” Sam probed to see how serious her offer was, “I have most of the cash and the small extra has already been approved as personal loan if the price doesn’t go any higher” Kerry said setting the boundaries for negotiating. “I was looking for at least 480” Sam said looking at Kerry for response, “How about 460?” asked Kerry “475 is the lowest I can go” said Sam, “OK my highest offer is 470 and two weeks settlement?”

Sam held out his hand to shake “deal, crikey you have more balls than most of the men I have to deal with” Kerry looked at him “done deal I’ll get my lawyer to get the details from your settlement agent and arrange payment, and trust me I have less balls than any guy you ever dealt with” Sam laughed at her comment.

The finance was for 60% of the unit cost and the rest was cash from the legal settlement, this would give Kerry a source of income that could be negatively geared and reduce her tax while allowing her to have secured income within two years given the rate of rent increase in the city area. The car was not going to be purchased and it still left a reasonable amount in the bank as her weekly spending was far less than she had budgeted for.

A month later and the divorce was finalized through the courts, the paper arrived the day after and both Janet and Paul reacted to the finality of what they had done, or should it be, what Paul had done as Janet had very little choice in the matter and she expressed that opinion on the day before “D Day”. The pain felt by Paul was more at the loosing of a wife and a friend and the upset caused to his children but this was being offset by the hope for a future that he never thought could exist. Janet on the other hand could only see pain and loss of so many more things with little hope for a future without Paul, but then Kerry was always available as long as Janet behaved herself and didn’t try to bring hurt to Paul.

Several times during the last month Kerry sent emails to Janet talking about the future and hoping that Janet would take up the offer of shopping one weekend and even the pictures or dinner either with Kerry or the other girls in a group night out. Jo arranged a drinks night and sent Janet an invite but found her response to be very short, Kerry had hoped for better but under the circumstances it was probably expected. Kerry invited Janet for tea one night after work and although Janet had accepted without any problems she later cancelled due to “too much work to do” or so Janet said.

Next time - Kerry thinks first, then acts on her future.

A week after D day found Kerry sitting in her study again looking out of the window thinking about the future, she wanted to be more than just a salesperson for Bill’s company but lacked formal qualifications in any area apart from Engineering. The one thing she needed to secure was employment for the next ten months then two months off for surgery and recovery, Bill had given her an undertaking that her job would be safe as long as the sales kept going up and the business could sustain two sales people. Her doubt was due to cycles in the marketplace that meant a company had to constantly keep looking for more market groups and then come to terms with that group and their direct needs. Marketing in general was one thing that Kerry loved but had limited knowledge of the technical side of marketing and targeting a demographic with real success.

It was during one of her weekly management team sessions that she expressed her thoughts and asked Bill for input, “you could always go back to University and do a post grad course” he replied. It was almost like having a flood light turned towards her, “duh, why didn’t I see that” she mumbled while her head was already thinking of which URL to type or which of the five universities in her state that she would prefer. Bill had to snap her out of her dreaming before continuing “and of cause there is study leave for some of the time as long as figures don’t slip.”

And so it started, a quick search of the sites found a self paced study option that drew on several other Degree courses for modules and intensives but built on a theoretical project and a work based project that had to be implemented and reported on after six months. Study leave amounted to time off in lieu that had to be made up during the week, more like flexible hours than leave but Bill was keen to see what Kerry could come up with and told her to keep him informed about her work hours. The actual modules could be done in almost any order as long as the basics came first and this module had already started so Kerry had to cram two weeks of work into the first four days, hard work and little sleep but she caught up and actually enjoyed the pressure.

Attending lectures on campus was slightly unusual as the other students all wore jeans and t-shirts, i-pods stuck in their ears and seemed twenty years younger, actually it was more like thirty three years younger but Kerry was feeling young again. The tutorials got arranged at several times to allow for those in work placements and Kerry found early mornings much better for her timetable. The people seemed more mature in these groups as they talked about how they had already applied what they had learnt in their normal jobs. The tutorials resembled a sharing of experiential knowledge rather than a forced feeding of geese, something she found very helpful as practical application would help her understand quicker.

The timetable required some long assignments to be completed within the first six weeks with subject material being covered each week or gained from several large volumes on marketing, advertising and demographics. Her reading pile seemed to grow rather than shrink, Kerry had never been a quick reader and this subject was far from sci-fi or robotics that had been her reading style. The first assignment was only four thousand words but getting the format right and making sure the bibliography was correct seemed to take as long as the actual writing. Words kept being typed wrong and the grammar checker kept painting green everywhere but slowly she got it together and submitted to her lecturer about thirty minutes before the deadline.

For the first assignment she was rather happy with her effort but looking at the results a week later made her realize that far more would be needed, she had only got a pass grade with comments about needing to do much better if she wanted to achieve the best out of the course and the requirement to be more specific with examples.

Kerry decided to contact her tutorial group leader and asked about getting some advice on how to improve her work. Peter had done a double degree of Commerce and IT with a Masters in Marketing under his belt and was doing a post grad thesis on “Change in the Workplace” with this year’s spare time. Some would call him a perpetual student except he had already landed a very good job with the government and had offers from a number of interstate companies.

Kerry met him in the student lounge near the Marketing faculty, his warm smile and gentle handshake made her feel nervous being so close to him. They talked about her assignment and what was lacking from it in way of technical input and format, the words and how it went together. Peter turned around towards her and looked in her eyes and asked “I have to ask this, sorry but why are you doing this course?” Kerry stopped and just starred into his face blankly.

Shaking her head she mumbled out “to learn about marketing, why?” “it just seems to me that you have something else going on” Peter replied knowing that the words came out wrong.

“Let me rephrase that better, forget about the assignment and tell me about yourself, please” he asked looking at her with large brown eyes that seemed to almost beg.

Kerry thought about what to say for a minute then asked for clarification “do you mean my work my background, my future or who I really am?” He just sat there and looked at her face, he didn’t push or get nervous in her presence or the noise of the student lounge, he just seemed to be totally at ease, “who is Kerry?” he asked again. The famous words of Jack Nicholson rang through her head “you can’t handle the truth” but something about his eyes made her feel very safe so she started.

It must have been nearly two hours later that she finished talking about her life and her future, her hopes for surgery and full transition. Peter had asked several questions along the line, never to interrogate but more to lead her towards the full disclosure of details. He sat quietly for most of the time just listening and giving nods of understanding or acceptance of what was being said by Kerry as she unpacked her life in all of its gory details. He waited for Kerry to stop before suggesting that a drink may be in order, the student tavern was open 24x7 or so it seemed so they walked around and found a table outside under the shade while Peter ordered two glasses of white wine.

Kerry suddenly found herself feeling very exposed after saying too much to a perfect stranger, she was about to get up and leave as Peter returned with the drinks. Kerry stood up and turned to him “sorry I feel totally stupid after telling all of my crap to you, I should go” Peter grabbed her hand “please don’t feel like that, let me explain.” Kerry sat down and grabbed at her wine glass and took one big swig, again a sign of nerves, Peter jokingly said something about drinking like an Engineering student but Kerry was trying to compose herself.

Peter started to talk about his life and how he had done so much study and was so deeply involved at work that he found little time to socialize and Kerry had seemed so easy to talk with. The main reason for wanting to hear her story was that yes he had spotted some of the tell tales signs that Kerry still had but only because he knew about such matters, in fact he had done months of research on the entire transgender issue and the workplace. He was surprised how the company had taken on board the RLT without sacking her or reducing her to a lower paid job away from clients. His research was based on several legal cases from around the globe but had limited real input from Australia; Kerry was the first person he had been able to talk to while actually transitioning.

“By the way, your story is totally safe with me and it won’t affect anything that we have to do” Peter added hoping to reduce her fear of rejection or failure. Kerry wanted to know more about his thesis and where it would be published, mainly out of interest but also to decide if she wanted to be involved. Peter answered all of her questions and even talked about how the government wanted to use it as a basis for policy development within the equal employment opportunity framework.

As Kerry relaxed she saw the passion that Peter had for forming policy and making a difference through his work, his desire to give accurate information based on facts rather than hearsay. She understood more about him as the drinks went on, and when he suggested that it was time for some food it seemed natural to just accept the invitation. They chatted over dinner and a few more drinks as Peter asked plenty of open questions for Kerry to answer, the type that makes a person feel appreciated and listened to. By the end of the evening she had accepted an offer to help with the thesis as well as agreed to get a meeting with Bill so Peter could ask how he saw the whole subject.

Peter stood up and offered his hand to thank Kerry for being so open with her comments, she held his hand just a shade longer than normal and suggested “anytime you feel like dinner just call” not realizing that she was probably flirting with him. Peter looked at her and promised to do so, if Kerry had subsonic hearing she would have heard his heart racing and beating in his chest cavity. They each turned and walked in different directions one towards the staff parking and one towards the student area, Kerry never saw him turn and watch after her with those gorgeous brown eyes.

A couple of weeks after her first meeting with Peter he called Kerry and asked if she felt like going out for dinner, his treat. Kerry wondered why he was asking her out since he already knew who she was or more importantly what she wasn’t and it didn’t seem to make a difference to him. She accepted and suggested her favorite restaurant near the office, the same one that Bill and the staff used quite frequently since the service was both good and reasonably priced.

She arrived to find him standing at the front door for her, he had been waiting so that she didn’t have to enter by herself. The waiter greeted Kerry as a well known client should be and showed her to the best table in the room, dimly lit, away from the noise of the kitchen and music, privacy without being forgotten. The meal was superb as usual and over a couple of glasses of fine white they talked about university and the project but very quickly Peter turned it around to talking about Kerry and sat there listening to her just talk. Kerry caught herself smiling and starring into his gorgeous deep brown eyes that begged her to talk, he was so easy to get along with and she enjoyed just being there without any agenda.

Kerry finally got to ask an open question about his thesis and he was off talking about the research and how much she had helped him with her comments and the talk with Bill. Again she found herself just gazing into the depth of his eyes and wondering what he would be like. The evening finished with coffees and then a farewell in the car park, he asked permission to kiss her, very gallant and gentle so what could she do but accept and enjoy it. For no apparent reason this was the last time Peter called her, she called him and left messages but he always had too much work to do on his thesis and she started to wonder if she was part of his research work.

Work on the other hand was progressing well even if at times she had to work all weekend to get a project finished or complete sales preparations ready for the Monday meeting but all up she had a solid amount of work and study. When the end of first semester came around Kerry asked for a week off to catch her breath and maybe some sleep time as well, since it was also at the end of financial year the entire team had been working flat out with finalizing client sites ready for the start and now they would have some slack time. Jo had also asked about a week off and with Kerry had planned a few days down south at a winery and country farm stay, as far away from computers as possible but very close to some great wines and good food.

Jo and Kerry left work early on the Friday and hit the road around 2pm, Jo’s little car was zipping through traffic and found itself out on the main highway going along at 110km per hour with the radio blasting and the pair singing to the tunes. The B&B had offered a hot bubbly spa, wine and chocolate for the girls on arrival after a long day at work and travelling. Lunch had been missed and their stomachs were getting rather loud as they pulled into a service station for coffee and petrol, “let’s grab some wedges and chili” said Jo heading for the hot food stand. Kerry ordered coffees and wedges just for her little sister, while Jo turned around and selected a table out under the shade cloth but away from the wind.

Sitting there drinking her coffee Kerry turned to Jo “you know I’ve really missed our times together sis” “me too, I just love taking you shopping” Jo laughed. “Ok I know you love my money but I have missed having you around and making me laugh at the weekend and after work on Friday nights” Kerry repeated hoping to add impetus to her comments. Jo looked up at Kerry just as she wiped at her eyes to remove the tear.

Jo shifted around to the same side as Kerry and gave her a hug, “you could always adopt me then” she chuckled trying to lighten the atmosphere. Kerry would have done so straight away if she thought Jo had been serious, “well at least take me home” Jo said after Kerry had made no comment.

“Would you like to move in or are you just joking around?” asked Kerry without thinking, “not sure, would you set me a curfew and kick the boys out at ten o’clock?” Kerry bit into a wedge dipped in cream and chili, “could I keep you out of my lingerie drawer, I know how much you liked my corset last time you stayed over?” Jo smiled at her, “no need to, I bought my own just after the night out” Jo stuck her tongue out to Kerry. The wedges had all been eaten and the coffee had been drunk as they climbed back into the car for the final two hours of driving.

The farm stay was close enough to the main road and only a short drive to the town centre and plenty of cafes and food outlets. They had requested a double room with two beds but instead it came with a very large King sized bed and the extra large spa in the corner of the bathroom looking out towards the cows and sheep as they grazed in the green field. The candles had been placed around the spa and a bottle of wine in the chiller, chocolates sat on the bed along with scented bubble bath oils and soaps. A log fire was roaring in the hearth and the room was already quite toasty when they placed their bags into the wardrobe after unpacking. Kerry had brought a hamper of bread and cheeses with meats and olives for the lunch on Saturday so unloaded them into the mini bar fridge.

“This is so cosy I reckon we could just stay here for a week and get everything brought in for us” Jo suggested as Kerry pulled the toweling bath robes out of the wardrobe. “What about we eat the picnic tonight, have a spa and watch the movies on the box?” Kerry offered as she put the robes on the bed.

“Done, I’ll pour the water while you pour the wine” Jo said heading for the curtains and the spa taps. The room was getting warm but Kerry chose to put a few more logs on the fire before pouring two large glasses of wine and cutting up some cheese. The spa had a small table next to it for a wine chiller and towels, the plate sat on top of the towels resting gingerly atop the soft fluffy towels, Kerry hung the robes on the door hangers and latched the room front door.

Jo had already stripped to her pants by the time the bath had filled to the middle line and was ready to jump straight in, “don’t forget the bubbles sis” shouted Kerry from the kitchen. Kerry walked in a few seconds later carrying the glasses of wine and wearing just her pants, Jo was already in the spa and the bubbles were starting to grow wildly. Kerry climbed into the spa after putting the wine glasses on the table, she just slipped down into the water and felt the warmth encompass her body and mind. Jo had found a large sea sponge and proceeded to let water flow over her head as the spa jets pummeled her body, she needed this as well. They sat there for nearly twenty minutes just soaking before Kerry reached over and turned the bubbles off. Jo reached over and picked up both glasses.

“Cheers big sis” she said holding her glass up for Kerry to click, “cheers and here’s to a great long weekend.” The combination of hot water and wine went straight to Jo’s head making her feel light headed, “how about some cheese or meat before I start giggling?” Kerry handed her the small tray and they sat there eating cheese and drinking wine.

“Got to go somewhere” said Jo stepping out of the spa, it was only then that Kerry realized that her pants had not made it into the spa. “Jo, you know not to tease me like that” she said throwing the sponge at Jo as she headed to the toilet, “sorry sis, just close your eyes I’m coming back any second.” Jo jumped back into the spa and hit the button for the jets again to cover herself with more bubbles, “thanks for the warning Jo.”

The evening was very relaxed around the fire with the picnic hamper and more wine, the girls sat there in the bath robes and cushions on the rug talking about work and clothes. Kerry took another sip of wine and seemed lost in her thoughts as Jo stoked the fire and put another log on to keep the room nice and warm, the winter rain beat gently on the tin roof but inside they were safe and dry. Jo asked about a DVD for the TV, the choices were older and some classics the type that comes at $10 for ten movies at the cheap shop. Jo pulled out a black and white Hitchcock movie as being the best of the bunch, “at least the story line should be good for a rainy night like this.” Jo flicked on the TV and DVD player as Kerry moved the leftovers back to the fridge.

The complimentary chocolate was sitting on the bed ready to be eaten, “how about a hot chocolate drink with marshmallows?” silly question given the rain and the fire so she made two large mugs and sat down with the bag of fluffy white and pink marshmallows. “We could do with some toasting forks” said Jo looking around for something to use, the best they found was a few twigs in the wood pile but they only worked well for the first five minutes before they were consumed in the fire. The girls sat against the settee and drank their hot drinks and stuffed the fluffy balls of marshmallow into their mouths as the movie rolled along. Jo suddenly jumped as the main character was attacked from behind without warning; she buried her face into Kerry’s side.

“I know you need your big sister to protect you” chuckled Kerry putting her arm around Jo, and that’s where she stayed for the next hour safe and secure. The fire was starting to die as the final death blow came on the movie and the hero saved the day and the maiden, the music had risen to show the tension and then changed into gentle love sounds as they embraced then kissed gently as the scene dimmed, The End, and the credits rolled up the screen. Kerry leant forward and placed another log in the fire grate.

“That should keep it going for another hour or so” she said sitting back next to Jo. Jo snuggled back into her “place” just under Kerry’s arm “this is so good after all of the stress of the last few months” said Kerry but Jo was already half asleep and just stirred and snuggled in deeper. Kerry sat watching the fireplace, the embers slowly lifting up the column of heat towards the chimney stack, the glow of wood as it turned red then black. She wondered about Peter and why he had not returned her calls, was it that he knew she could not offer him anything and how did he really handle the fact of her being still physically male. Her mind mulled over the thoughts trapped between two worlds but desperately wishing for the next world, but that was at least another six months off.

The sun came up around seven in the morning but the chickens had been making calls since well before that time, the fireplace was cold and mugs and glasses lay around the floor. Laying in bed covered by the weight and warmth of the doona Kerry tried to grasp at the shadows of her thoughts that had flown around like the embers and ashes of last night's fire. Her gender issue and the future, her peace of mind and why Jo always wanted to snuggle into her side as Jo moved and buried her face into the warmth below the covers. Kerry slipped out of bed and wrapped her dressing gown around her body as she closed the bathroom door. Twenty minutes later she came back out showered shaved and wearing some makeup, her hair was now long enough to be tied into a pony tail and bobbed behind her as she walked.

Kerry opened the wardrobe and took out some clean underwear without thinking about Jo lying in the bed, her eyes now open and watching as Kerry pulled up the white silk pants to cover her “abnormality” as she had heard it referred to by other t-girls. The matching bra and camisole covered her hybrid body and outwardly there was very little difference apart from the shrunken penis and empty sack that were pushed and tucked away so neatly. Kerry looked in the mirror to check herself out for the day, a far cry from the day years ago when she stood before the mirror wearing black lingerie wondering if she should have been a girl from birth.

Jo sat up in bed “I can see what Peter would be interested in sis” she giggled, Kerry spun around “I hope you weren’t peeking all of the time” she asked while half knowing that she probably had been watching the whole time. “Don’t worry your secrets are safe with me, anyway who would believe me” Jo replied as she settled her pillows against the wall.

Kerry triggered the kettle for tea and poured some milk into two clean mugs, the breakfast would be ready from eight up in the main building so they had at least twenty minutes to get ready or as presentable as they needed on a farm stay. Sitting alongside Jo in bed Kerry talked about the features of the area and what Jo wanted to do with the next few days. Wine tasting would only take up a day at the most, Kerry still only drank small amounts of alcohol to stay trim, the chocolate factory and cheese makers in the area could supply refills for their picnic hamper along with the wine.

Jo sat up quickly noticing the time, “I have to get ready for breakfast we only have five minutes” she said jumping out of bed. Kerry just sat there, “we can go anytime between eight and nine thirty on weekends, this is a holiday farm not a prison farm.” Jo jumped back into bed and pulled up the doona again “well in that case what’s on tele?” Kerry gently pushed her “no Saturday cartoons for you, we didn’t pay all this money to sit and waste time in front of a goggle box.” In reality Jo hadn’t paid for any of the accommodation at all, Kerry said she would sort it out later which possibly meant never if the past was anything to go by.

“Lets do the wineries today and collect some nice things for the hamper again then go sightseeing tomorrow after a sleep in” suggested Kerry. “What about tea tonight, are we going out somewhere special or dining in?” asked Jo always thinking about food. Kerry picked up one of the obligatory “what to do now that you are here” folders from the bedside table and tossed it to Jo “you choose” she said getting out of bed. While Jo flicked through the folder Kerry tidied up the room collecting the dishes and empty wrappers from chocolate and sweets. Thirty minutes later Jo had scrubbed up nicely and was ready to eat a horse as she put it, not a difficult thing being on a farm.

The farm stay had eight chalets scattered around a courtyard area with a large central dining room and lounge for guests to use. The stables and farm building lay to one side away from the guests quarters but well within the overall facility. Tractors could be heard in the fields and puddles of water lay on the tarmac roadways after last night's downpour, more noise than soaking rain, the farmers would still be praying for rain to break the drought.

As Jo and Kerry walked into the dining room arm in arm they were greeted by the hosts who were serving behind a bain-marie filled with bacon eggs and lots of greasy comfort food. The pot of simmering porridge was being attacked by a couple of kids intent on making a mess, the sugar and honey spilling onto the counter as they returned to their parents oblivious of the mess left behind.

“Did you sleep well last night dear?” asked the hostess, “really well thank you, the rain effect drumming on the tin roof was fantastically soothing” she replied.

“Did your partner sleep ok?” she asked referring to Jo, Kerry shook her head “sorry my adopted little sister could sleep anywhere as long as I fed her.” Kerry had not realized the connotation of two women sharing a double bed, even if she had requested two singles, but made sure there was no doubt in her comments after that.

Jo dug into porridge and brown sugar then bacon and eggs followed by a Danish Pastry and after all that she washed it down with more coffee, Kerry chose yoghurt then a couple of eggs and a slice of toast and juice. The two girls had so many contrasts it was surprising they enjoyed each other's company so much. While Jo finished her plate Kerry talked with the hostess to find out where the best wineries were located and any suggestions for dinner tonight since the farm stay had no evening meals planned or on offer.

The town had several world class eateries that sported walls filled with awards from around the country to show how much they had to offer the culinary tourists visiting the town. A new place had opened only a few weeks earlier and was being operated by a couple returning to the region after years away, their reputation was outstanding and the prices were more than realistic for the quality.

“Let me call them, I know them quite well and get you a table for two tonight” the hostess offered. Before Jo had finished her breakfast Kerry had arranged a tour, dinner and even some nibbles for later.

The wineries had good offers but nothing like the prices that could be had in city wine stores operated by a multinational chain, even for the same produce. Kerry now understood the power of alliance marketing and the need to keep distribution separate to cellar door sales, still a couple of bottles or even a box of twelve found their way into Jo’s car boot. By lunch time they had only done two wineries and one chocolate factory and it was now one o’clock in the afternoon. Jo found a small café and pulled the car into a parking bay near the front door.

“Lets have something to eat I’m famished” she said getting out of the car. Kerry wondered where she put it all, her figure gave only a slight hint of excess fat and Jo never seemed to be one for great exercise. The café had alfresco tables in the sunshine and Jo motioned to Kerry to find a seat, it was her turn to order the food. Surprisingly Kerry just sat down and let Jo pick, the choice proving very close to her own choice if she had done the ordering. The meal was small and simple with fruit and cheese platter accompanied by a small loaf of crusty bread, fresh farm butter, chutney and pickles.

“Excellent choice dear” Kerry remarked eating more fruit than bread and watching the coach tourists walk past the café carrying bags of cheese and wine. The rest of the afternoon was spent selecting cheese and wine for the picnic hamper as well as a tour around a perfume factory some distance from town. Kerry chose a collection of bottles of scent for family members and Christmas gifts as well as a nice spray bottle of cologne that she thought would suit a certain boss at work.

Arriving back at 4pm they opted for a feeding tour around the farm on the back of a tractor throwing bales of hay out for the horses. Afterwards the girls chose to sit and relax on the porch of the chalet and watch the sun go down while they drank one of the bottles from the last winery. The wind seemed to rise at the same time as the light dropped sending a chill through their thin sweaters and making them rush inside. The fireplace had been cleaned and re-laid ready for the evening, the bed sitting neat and tidy with two small chocolates on fresh towels. The bathroom sparkled again except for where Jo had left her mess which sat exactly where she had left it untouched by the cleaning staff.

“What time are we booked in for tonight’s meal?” she asked Kerry after checking the mini bar, “around seven thirty why?” Jo felt like getting all dressed up for dinner but wanted a bath first “if I pour a spa will you join me?” looking at Kerry.

“Go on then but make sure it’s got enough bath scent to get rid of the horse smells” she said turning to the wardrobe and the bathrobes that had been replaced with fresh white robes. Stopping at the stereo she selected one of her own CD’s and set it for repeat, “come on granny” shouted Jo from the bathroom remarking on her choice of music as being some twenty years older than Jo’s choice.

Jo triggered the bubbles before Kerry could get into the spa and just sat there relaxing in the hot water, Kerry stripped to her pants not quite comfortable enough for Jo to see the other bits.

“I have seen it all before you know so why do you have to wear the pants?” Jo asked blunt as always. Kerry sat down into the water and looked at her silently thinking, she had to admit that being naked with Jo was no real issue anymore but having someone see her problem or abnormality just reinforced the fact that she was not who she wanted to be. Trying to get the words right she started to talk.

“I feel that the rest of my body is right but that one area still proves the rest a liar, does that make sense to you?” Jo could see that Kerry was still thinking about her next sentence.

“I really don’t see anything other than a girl, a friend, a big sister, and a great looking woman” she said looking at Kerry. Jo moved around the spa next to Kerry, “heck you are more woman than some of the girls back in the office” she joked. Kerry was sitting there very sullen with her thoughts running around her head, Jo grabbed one of Kerry’s arms and put it around her shoulder and neck, “cuddle please, you need it” Jo said.

The spa was getting cold when Kerry finally came out of her slump and stood up and stepped out of the spa, as she stood there on the tiled bathroom floor she looked into the mirror. The hybrid body was a mockery, the breasts had been filled, the hips had been injected and her face had been adjusted to suit the image she wanted, actually not much more than several girls had performed on them every day without being seen as abnormal. Jo saw Kerry standing there silently looking at the image in the mirror and came up behind still dripping water on the floor. Kerry turned around and flung her arms around Jo, she held tight and started to sob, the tears dropping hot pools of salty water on Jo’s clean shoulders.

Jo was slightly stunned and not sure what to do in the situation with Kerry being the one that normally comforted her. The pair stood there for a few minutes while Kerry cried out some of the pain she had been holding in, she wanted to be the full woman she felt she should have been since birth not this cyborg of parts. Jo stroked her hair and let her sob, she wanted to let Kerry know she cared and would have given anything for her but just hugged her tightly. Kerry stopped and pulled away from Jo just a little embarrassed at the thought of hugging Jo like this, she was still someone that Kerry had to work with.

“Talk about letting it all come out” said Jo handing Kerry a towel “sorry, I shouldn’t have made you handle that” Kerry sniffed as she wrapped the towel around her breasts and body.

Jo and Kerry got ready to go out more subdued than before, Kerry brought her brown calf length skirt with medium boots two layers of cottons tops and a white cotton jacket, her cleavage showing out just below her special K necklace. Jo had decided on more stunning, a pair of boot cut jeans, high boots with a body stocking black bra and a bomber jacket in matching denim. Their makeup was bold and beautiful fit for the two girls to hit the night life if they found any in the town. Both of them had on parts of the jewelry they bought for their night out several months ago. Jo threw Kerry the car keys, “your turn to drive tonight, I know you won’t be drinking much. Kerry snatched the keys “drats, just when I felt like getting plastered” she laughed, the truth not that far away.

The drive to the café was only five minutes so they very quickly found themselves sitting inside the café close to a roaring fire and some gentle music playing through the speakers. The waiter came back with water and fresh glasses putting a wine list on the table before each of them, “two lovely ladies and no one to keep you company, such a waste” he said fawning tears into his napkin. As he took their drinks order Kerry watch his eyes drift towards Jo’s black bra that seemed to have crept out of her jacket more than normally. As he turned and walked back to the bar Jo followed his figure like a cat stalking a mouse.

“Down girl, you’re not bringing him back into our bed tonight.” “Since when can you read minds” chuckled Jo but still straining to watch his cute rear vanish behind the bar.

The food was good quality and very reasonable portion size which seemed to go against the flow of many chefs preparing small almost miniscule portions to show how good their food was. During the night the waiter kept coming back and was blatantly flirting with Jo asking about her life her friends and her plans for later on tonight.

“We haven’t thought about afters, did you have something in mind for us?” she asked rather coyly looking at him while trying to flash her eyelashes at him. There is a bar down the road that some of the café guys end up at after work, for a drink, if you’re interested making emphasis on the you part of the comment. “What about my friend, what can she do?” Jo asked playing with his mind, “I am sure that two lovely women like you would not have any trouble mixing with the café guys.”

They finished the meal and after paying the bill promised to seriously consider the offer for drinks and afters down at the bar around ten thirty if they could stay awake long enough. They left the café with Jo blowing Henri kisses and Kerry dragging her by the arm, “if you want to stay up all night that’s fine by me just don’t bring him home” Kerry said. The town had several bars and a couple of dance clubs that had good patronage now that several cafes had fed and watered the tourist trade. Jo found one that looked more like her style and asked about a night cap if Kerry didn’t need her beauty sleep.

The band was actually very good for a country circuit and they found themselves enjoying the atmosphere and drinking more than they had planned on. Not enough to make them over the drink drive limit but more than enough if they wanted to meet Henri after work. Kerry switched to water and Jo went for soft drink with another cruiser an hour later, just as Jo looked at her watch “time for afters, are you game or do we go home?” Jo asked. “What’s the we go home thing this is holidays kiddo, lead on” Kerry downed her glass and stood up ready to go. Jo was taken aback by Kerry’s almost brazen approach at the thought of being picked up “well if any of them try anything they can only blame themselves for what they find” she laughed.

The bar they wanted was only across the road from where they had been drinking and Jo quickly found Henri standing with several similarly dressed waters, the black pants, safety shoes, clean cut and neat hair just the tops changed with different café names or brands of coffee that they served. Henri introduced the girls to his mates and asked what they wanted to drink then vanished to the bar leaving Jo and Kerry surrounded by a group of strangers. One of the older guys introduced himself to Kerry asking where they were staying in the town, it was obvious to all of them that the two girls came from out of town and must have been looking for some action given the way they looked.

Jo’s bra had popped out of her jacket into visibility again and nearly every guy in the bar must have noticed, I guess that’s the power of good advertising thought Kerry. Henri returned with two drinks in hand for Jo and Kerry although neither really needed any more alcohol, Jo was already getting loud and Kerry was falling asleep. Kerry’s admirer continued to make small talk asking her about herself but was getting nowhere with anything else, Jo on the other hand was getting on fine with Henri who was singularly focused on her smile and well presented features.

The music was getting louder when Henri asked Jo to dance and dragged her off to the small dance area, Kerry got a similar request but couldn’t find any reason to say no and ended up dancing with a very tall waiter by the name of Mark. Not that much younger than herself but still well under forty she thought, sort of cute looking but a strong smell of coffee from his shirt. More small talk until Mark suggested that Kerry may want to step outside for some fresh air, she was getting hot but missed the question Mark was really asking her.

Stepping outside into the beer garden, which was mostly empty by now, Mark pulled Kerry around and towards himself, lowered his head and tried to kiss her. His hand had magically found her rear at the same time as he tried to drive home what felt like a foot long tongue into her mouth. The combined actions caused her to move forward at the hips and at the same time stopped her from moving backwards from the tongue. Kerry was caught by surprise and her hands flew up to his chest.

“Hang on I came out for air not what you are thinking about” she gasped as she shook loose from his claws. Mark looked shocked as if why would a girl refuse his advances, Kerry just stood there with her hands still poised at the ready in case of further moves.

“Sorry, I thought you understood my question inside” Mark spluttered out thinking quickly of how to rescue anything for the night. Kerry looked at him, cute and well built.

“I just think you moved too quickly, a girl likes to be wanted not taken”, “does that mean slow down or go away?” he asked her. Kerry looked again at him, a stranger, quick bit of fun, no afterwards, “just take it slower, that’s all” she said forgetting that to a man that meant two minutes of foreplay, at the most.

He went to hold her gently with open arms to dance with her in the garden, she allowed him to continue and found his arms around her waist then her cheeks with a gentle pressure towards his pelvis. She felt his hands then his body then his surprise, “you have left something in your pants I think” Kerry laughed realizing that the number of drinks she had consumed after several months of very limited amounts was effecting her far more than normal. Her arms slid around his neck and Mark felt the small almost indiscernible move of her hips towards him, by now they had danced towards the rear of the garden.

The crowd had all gone inside as Kerry felt one of his hands at her chest, then being kissed far gentler this time, she responded as they found the back wall. “Mark, you need to know that sex is out of the question for me, I’ve just had surgery” she said in his ear “but I can help you if that’s what you want?” Her hands slipped down to his zip without even waiting for an answer knowing that he would either respond or get very sulky, his jeans opened up as he continued to kiss her harder with more emotion. He moved his legs apart to allow her fingers to take hold of what was getting harder every second.

“Do you have anything with you?” Mark flipped open his wallet and handed her a condom, “will this do?” she took it, bit open the packet and rolled it onto his now very hard member. As she continued to kiss his neck and ears he played with her breasts and moved slowly in time with her hand, the music was lost as they rocked back and forth until Mark stopped suddenly while pushing hard into her hand. He exploded and filled the tip with white liquid, hot to touch, the basis of life, the core of every man.

She held him and kissed his lips gently “isn’t it worth slowing down?” she smiled at him, his penis now deflating rapidly. Kerry kissed him once more “better go and clean up before you make a mess” she kissed him again and tucked everything back into his pants.

Kerry walked back into the dance area as Jo was coming in from the toilets, “what have you been doing, or should I say who have you been doing?” Jo smirked at Kerry with a smile on her face. Kerry blushed, “poor lad had a problem in his pants that needed fixing that’s all” and walked straight past her to the bar.

“Two vodka cruisers please” Kerry told the bar tender, “since when did you drink those?’ asked Jo, Kerry turned towards the toilets as Mark was coming back from cleaning up “who said they were just for me.” Mark walked up and kissed her full on the lips right next to Jo who just starred at Kerry “so who are the drinks for big sister?” “Jo, this is Mark the lad I just told you about” Jo held out her hand “feeling better now Mark?” Jo giggled. Kerry slapped her and then handed Mark one of the drinks “pay no attention to her she gets very silly sometimes.”

The rest of the night was fairly uneventful until the guys decided they wanted to go out for some late night food. Henri offered to drop Jo off at the farm stay if Kerry wanted to go home early, Jo looked at Kerry “unless you wanted to come with us” Jo added. Kerry said that her beauty sleep was far more important than food and she would leave the key under the mat, “don’t stay out too long little sister” she said picking up her keys. Mark walked her back to the car, hoping to change her mind rather than go alone, Kerry kissed him again and opened the car door. Mark pushed his point again, “I could always come back to your place if you wanted” suggested Mark trying one last attempt at getting into her pants. “Good night Mark and make sure Jo doesn’t get hurt please” he kissed her and walked off to the car park where Henri was waiting.

Kerry was sound asleep when Jo pushed the key into the lock, she was still asleep when the table was kicked but woke up suddenly when the pewter vase hit the hard tiled floor. “Sorry it’s only me” Jo giggled loudly, it was close to three in the morning and Kerry would have killed her if she thought Jo would have felt anything. Jo collapsed on the bed with more giggling, she rolled over and faced Kerry as she lay on her side and made it very clear that she wanted to talk. “Jo it’s three o’clock you should be in bed” Kerry told her “I was in bed by two o’clock, what’s the problem?” Jo laughed. It took only five minutes for Jo to climb into bed and fall fast asleep but it took far longer for Kerry to go back to sleep after being disturbed and cleaning up the water from the vase.

The sun came up at seven but Jo didn’t surface until long after Kerry had come back from breakfast, it was more like ten thirty before Jo sat up and asked what time it was. Kerry shook her head “so did you enjoy yourself last night?” frowned Kerry towards Jo who looked like the proverbial bus had hit a combination of makeup and hair cuttings. “I guess so but not quite sure what I finished up agreeing to for tonight” Kerry looked at her “are you saying that you want to repeat last night again tonight?” Jo looked very sheepish, like the kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, “not sure but I think I said we might meet the guys at the same place if we weren’t too tired.” “Well don’t complain to me about feeling bad it’s all self inflicted” then handed her a cup of coffee and a plate with two apple Danishes on it.

The Sunday tourists normally left the town after four to make sure they got home before it was too late so the town became quieter apart from the locals and those people staying longer than the weekend. Kerry and Jo walked around to the movie hire place and selected a couple of good movies, latest releases to fill in the time. The farm stay hosts had a family bar-b-q planned for the birthday of their oldest son so Jo and Kerry had been invited since they were staying over for another two days. The bonfire was raging as they came back to the farm carrying some wine and the movies, “better just get changed I can feel the cold coming in for the night” said Kerry heading to the chalet.

Jo followed and put the movies on the bench, again the bed had been made perfectly and fresh towels folded and placed on the bed. Kerry changed out of her dress into a pair of jeans and thick polo neck jumper and a heavy coat and boots. Jo also thought about her outfit but was torn between the body stocking that Henri liked so much and keeping warm. In the end the order of day was for simple and warm ahead of sexy and skimpy, Henri would just have to work around it.

The mealtime was very family friendly, the hosts brought out a birthday cake and bowls of salad, bread and plenty of meat, basic but good for a cold night. The wine and beer flowed for quite a while with Jo and Kerry offering some of their own collection towards the party supplies. When the guitars came out it was like watching a re-run of some 50’s TV show, ma and pa strumming the strings while the kids joined in. Kerry remembered some of them but Jo was totally lost and just sat there waving her glass around, which promptly got filled by one of the older boys. It must have been the fire and the wine but Jo slowed down gradually falling asleep in one of the chairs while the party went on around her. Always the perfect hostess, Anne brought out a couple of blankets and covered Jo, who kept snoring along with the music and the fairies.

As the fire died down and the dishes had all been carried inside Jo stirred just enough for Kerry to guide her back to the chalet. “Come on little sister, it’s long past your bed time” Kerry said unlocking the door and turning on the lights. Kerry pulled back the bed sheets while Jo slipped off her boots and jeans then her jumper and skivvy and socks. Kerry turned her around and lifted her feet into bed then covered her with the blankets and doona, the fire was still going so she kissed Jo gently on the forehead and sat down near the fire. A glass of port and a piece of chocolate before bed she thought, a log on the fire to keep the room warm and just one more glass of port. Too many thoughts were bad for her state of mind, but they still kept popping up and as yet unanswered.

Next time - Kerry defines love and her ideal "lover", Jo talks about her pain that she has kept hidden.
Only three more chapters to the end.

The sun came up just after seven but today the rain clouds had settled in to keep the place dark and dreary, the sort of day that people would make tomato soup and bread rolls the only allowable food with large mugs of cocoa. Breakfast was served at eight and the two girls pulled up bright and bushy tailed for once although the birthday boy seemed slightly under the weather as he herded the sheep through the paddock nearby.

“Good morning ladies” sang Anne “and how are we both today?” Kerry looked at her, “how can you be so cheerful every day it’s’ not fair” “just have to do it, that’s what being a hostess is all about” Anne said as she offered porridge or pancakes. Jo took both but on different plates then came back for bacon, eggs and baked beans, “still have no idea where you put it all girl” commented Kerry for Anne’s benefit.

They ate breakfast while talking to Anne about the local business opportunities, Kerry was fascinated by the B&B concept and the return for the farm stay. Anne told her that the return was more lifestyle than financial, the cost being setting up the operation rather than operating it each day. The farm still made money to cover the daily needs of the family but the farm stay had been a gamble that had been put forward by their accountant as crop returns died in the late 90’s. Smaller farms could not compete with the larger ones in terms of machinery and manpower let alone the constant threat of drought or disaster. “The only problem is the lack of private time for myself” said Anne turning to the dishes that had been piled up behind the counter, “oh well better get started or I’ll never finish” Anne said walking off.

Jo and Kerry went back to their chalet feeling the winter bite into their skin “any plans for today or do we just hang around here and watch movies?” asked Jo. “What say we hang around until lunch then go for a drive to the beach if the rain lets up” suggested Kerry picking up the pile of movies she had brought with her. Jo stoked the fire into life while Kerry loaded the DVD Player and slipped her boots off in exchange for a pair of fluffy slippers.

“Never thought I would choose slippers as suitable footwear, but then I now do lots of things that I never expected to do” said Kerry sitting on the floor and curling her feet under the table. Jo looked at her thinking about the changes over the 18 months, Paul had been easy to get on with but never really mixed with anyone else. Then Kerry appeared after the separation and after another six months the changes just seemed to keep coming, the hair was now well past her shoulders and the dress sense had settled down to more conservative than showy. Then the change in attitudes, Paul was grumpy some times and insecure the rest, Kerry was happy and always confident even when Jo pushed the envelope with her. The movie started and Jo turned with her back against the chair facing the fire and TV, they sat there for the entire movie.

“Let’s grab a drink before the next one” said Kerry standing up and triggering the kettle, Jo pulled back the curtains only to find the rain still drizzling down the glass.

“Looks like one more movie unless you have another idea” questioned Jo “actually we could just talk for a while” replied Kerry. “You know, when you mentioned the slippers I was thinking about all of the changes that I have seen over the last 18 months. I think you have made huge changes and as far as I can see you haven’t dropped the ball anywhere” said Jo, “well I did lose the ball totally” laughed Kerry. Jo wanted to know how Kerry was feeling after the divorce went through but wasn’t sure about how to ask.

“Can I ask a personal question, you can tell me to butt out if you want to” asked Jo, Kerry wondered what she meant as Jo seemed to know almost anything, “go on then ask away.”

Jo softened her tone “I was just wondering how you were going after the divorce went through?” Kerry sat there thinking about it for a minute.

“I guess that I just powered through it like I did when I started the transition, head down tail up so to speak. I still think about the pain I caused to everyone including the kids and Janet but most of that was compounded by the need to be myself or dress as I felt I needed to so it got very messy in my mind.”

Kerry knew she was not making sense in what she was saying “sorry that sounds so cold let me start again.” Kerry took a drink from her mug of coffee “I hurt so many people so that I could get what I wanted, I know that was selfish but I had convinced myself that it was the only alternative. I was always going back and forth in my mind, from one point of view being resist doing anything to if I don’t do something then I’ll kill myself. I was becoming more and more difficult to live with until I just knew I had to get away regardless of how much it hurt people. The first few weeks I just survived then I set my goals and it was like the whole stress of it all vanished as I had a purpose so when the papers came through it was more like just another milestone in becoming Kerry. I talk with Janet regularly and help her with anything I can but I know she still only partly understands why I had to do it. I guess that means I am handling things quite well considering the pain I caused everyone.”

Kerry breathed a sigh and drank another mouthful of coffee then looked at Jo “is that what you expected?”

“Not really, I thought you would have been having some grief or anger at least” Jo said looking at Kerry “I had so many things to look forward to I had no time for grief or loss. Just think how far I’ve come, Paul seems so long ago even now after only seven months of transition.”

“You can say that again, I have trouble picturing Paul some days you look so good” said Jo. “One more question if I can, how do you handle the sex question you seem to be comfortable switching to female mode already?” It was a good question thought Kerry and one that had caused her to question the whole transition option for her life. “What I mean is, Saturday night you relieved poor Mark without any visible conflict and you are still technically a man in woman’s clothing, doesn’t that cause you some problems?” asked Jo trying not to offend Kerry.

Kerry shifted on the floor slightly trying to get away from the direct question of her sexuality, as a woman sex with a man is normal but as a man it becomes much harder. “The only way I can describe how I resolve the issue is to say how I see myself, I am a woman with plumbing problems so there is no issue. If however I get to think like a man then I get really screwed up, so to speak. Remember a few months ago when you tried on my spare corset and the problem your playing around caused me? Well that happens far less occasionally now since the hormones have been upgraded and even sitting in the spa with you when you had no pants on was only a little difficult for me. The only risk is that I may turn lesbian just to keep a foot in each camp” Kerry said jokingly.

“I wondered if I was safe in there and now you tell me I’d better watch out for Kerry rather than Paul, great” chuckled Jo.

The phone rang as Jo was drinking the last of her coffee, Anne wanted to know if they wanted some homemade tomato soup and fresh bread since she had some spares and it was too cold to go out.

“Love to join you for lunch” finished Kerry hanging the phone on the hook again, “sounds like we are going to get something better than cold cheese and old bread rolls, coming?” asked Kerry grabbing her coat and slipping into her boots. The pair of them ran through the rain and under the dining room roof jumping over puddles as they ran into the door, Anne opened it as they fumbled with the door knob.

“Come inside and take off those coats before you get any wetter” Anne said pointing to the coat rack. “Thought you might like some hot soup and fresh bread today, been cooking up for the family” Anne said spooning out a couple of bowls of piping hot red soup next to large chunks of bread, there was a bowl containing fresh butter in the middle of the table.

“Don’t tell me you make your own butter as well?” asked Kerry, Anne looked at her strangely “just like mum taught me to” said Anne smiling. “I guess the farm life is still something that you have to be born to” commented Jo as she dunked a large piece of bread into the hot soup.

“Been sitting there talking have you?” asked Anne “kind of, just need some down time after a heavy stage at work for both of us.” Anne turned around from the large soup pot and came over with her own bowl, “what do you two girls do for work?” Jo had just put another chunk in her mouth so waved to Kerry to answer “I sell accounting software and Jo installs it at client sites” Kerry said dunking her bread. Jo was more interested in the soup than talking at the moment so didn’t add anything else, “so that makes you fairly brainy then, is it your company?” Kerry smiled at Anne, “no, we work with twenty others for a boss that pays fairly well, don’t think I’d want to have the stress of owning it.”

Anne sat and talked with the two girls for nearly an hour while the rain fell, then the sun peeked out of the clouds, “well it’s going to be dry for the rest of the day according to the weather man so you could get some sightseeing in if you wanted to” stated Anne clearing the table and ending the conversation.

“Is there anywhere else that we should absolutely visit down here?” asked Jo pulling her coat around her shoulders. “You could try the old fudge factory, they should be open, if you go there ask for John and tell him I sent you and make sure he shows you the reject box.”

Anne vanished through the swing doors to her kitchen as the girls closed the dining room door and walked back to their chalet. “Lets get out of here for a while and get some fresh air into our lungs” said Kerry stepping into the bathroom forgetting to lock the door. Jo burst into the room as Kerry was sitting on the loo, she quickly closed her legs and shouted at Jo to turn away “sorry, anyway I’ve seen everything you have girl” Jo laughed at Kerry’s sudden attack of modesty. “Maybe but can’t a girl get some privacy for a few minutes?” Kerry replied trying to hide herself. “I’m glad to see that you sit to pee instead of standing and aiming at the bowl” “I’m glad you don’t either little sister, now please give me a break and let me finish.” Jo was sitting at a small vanity putting on her makeup as Kerry opened the door again, “thanks, now you can use it” said Kerry. The banter between the two of them always made Kerry feel so happy having Jo as a friend as well as a work colleague.

The drive to the fudge factory was only a few minutes and parking the car was easy given the lack of tourists in the town today probably due to the rain clouds. Jo pushed the door open and held it while Kerry entered, the room was cosy with a fire at one end and wooden shelves all around the room except for a small counter and till at one end behind which a young girl stood wrapping some things in brown paper.

“Good afternoon ladies, feel free to just browse or ask me if I can help with anything” she said going back to her task. Jo stepped up to the counter “Anne at the bed and breakfast said that we should ask for John and mention her name”, “let me just get him for you” the girl answered while she pushed a phone button and spoke quickly to John. A minute later John walked into the room, he was around fifty, grey hair, slightly overweight but a huge smile on his face.

“Anne told you about me did she?” he asked chuckling to himself. Kerry stepped closer and introduced herself and Jo “actually she never told us anything apart from making sure to ask for you, what’s to tell?” asked Kerry. John frowned “oh well I guess they are only old stories anyway” Jo remembered the other comment “she did say to not forget about the reject box though.” John pressed a button under the counter and a wooden panel opened up behind where he was standing, “follow me into our wonderland of fudge” reminiscent of Willy Wonker and the tour of Wonkerland.

The whole process of making fudge was actually very easy as long as the place was clean, the large slab of marble being cooled by cold water to speed up the process. John allowed them to make a small amount of fudge with their own mixture of nuts and cherries, the fudge spilled out over the marble and they added the extras, it was scraped back and forth over the slab until it started to get colder then it was rolled into a log shape ready for cutting into pieces. At times Kerry thought he may have been flirting with her but missed it until when she was bending over to cut the fudge his hands helped her a little bit more than she expected.

“If I have your sticky finger marks on these jeans then you can clean them up” Kerry said smiling at John showing mock anger but flirting back to him.

John showed them the reject box and after some careful picking had samples of over twenty types and flavours of fudge to take home, “we can call this one two cherries” said John wrapping up their special fudge they had made. Both girls thanked John for the personal tour and promised to come back next time they were in town. As Jo started the car they could see John waving from the showroom, a quick wave and they headed down the road.

“I think old John has too much time to day dream” Jo chuckled. Kerry laughed “I don’t know about daydreaming but he definitely needs to get laid or something, and don’t look at me sis.” They drove past a small café and Jo quickly pulled the car into a parking bay “time for coffee and cake, my shout” she said turning off the car.

The café had tables both inside and outside but given the threat of rain they chose to sit inside near the windows. Jo ordered for both of them and sat back down with Kerry “I think I know you too well when I can order without even asking what you want” Jo said. Kerry looked at her, she really did get on surprisingly well with her and even put up with her flamboyant antics at time.

“You never did really finish telling me what happened to Tom did you” said Kerry looking at Jo as she sipped her latte. Jo put the cup down while still holding the handle, “Tom just wanted a sex partner for the odd week that he had to be based in town, the other five weeks out on the mines were like another life to him. I guess I should have known when he would only call when he came to town saying that the mine site was not in a mobile service region. And before you ask the sex wasn’t that good anyway” Jo said lifting the cup to her mouth.

“Can you afford the flat by yourself then or are you going to find another flat mate to cover the cost?” asked Kerry allowing her to move over the Tom news. “Not sure what to do, the place is too small for two people full time and too expensive for just me with my lifestyle of eating and shopping. I may have to find a smaller flat at better cost but the travel to work adds up each week so it becomes a catch22 situation.”

The two girls sat eating their cake and drinking coffee while the world outside went on around them, the rain lightly drizzled and looked like staying for the rest of the day. “What say we drive down to the beach watch the waves and go for a walk along the beach?” suggested Kerry, and so an hour later they found themselves arm in arm strolling along the beach after walking for nearly forty minutes in light rain.

“I don’t know about you but I can feel the rain just getting through my coat, it’s time for a warm room, log fire and a glass or two of fine wine. What say we pick up something for dinner before we head back to the B&B, how about pizza?” said Jo always the one to choose comfort food rather than sensible. “Alright but only because it’s cold and raining and only if we can have a meat lovers as well” said Kerry pulling Jo along the beach. As Kerry looked down the beach she could see only one meandering set of foot prints along the beach, Kerry looked closer at the footprints, at times the steps got so close it looked like only one person had walked along the beach. She pulled Jo’s arm closer to her and they walked off the beach into the car parking area. Jo took one last look at the water as it crashed onto the shoreline, breakers causing white caps to form along the entire beach and froth blowing along after being dumped on the sand by the surging waters.

The pizza shop had only just opened so their choices would be ready in half an hour as the oven still had to reach full temperature. “Lets just walk along through the shops for a while” offered Jo, “as long as we stay clear of John” laughed Kerry and they left the pizza shop. They walked around arm in arm again like two close friends chatting, the shops were getting ready to close but Jo found a small pottery shop containing handmade bowls and figurines. They entered being careful as they walked around the gallery come shop, the higher prices reflecting the artistic nature of the work. Jo picked up a clay piece of two people walking arm in arm, unusually it was two women.

“I think they saw us coming down the street” said Jo referring to the price being nearly a hundred dollars. Kerry looked at it carefully and remembered the figurines she had seen in the shopping centre nearly a year ago. Then she had missed Janet and the pain of leaving was too much for her, but now the figurines looked more like her and Jo as they had walked along the beach earlier on. Jo picked it up telling Kerry “I am going to buy this so that I can remember the holiday when I’m old and grey, like you” moving quickly away from Kerry’s hand aimed at her arm.

“Just you wait till I get you home miss” laughed Kerry trying to look serious, “what you going to do, spank me?” replied Jo as she headed to the sales counter.

“I’ll have this for my mother please” Jo said putting it on the counter and pulling out her MasterCard to pay for it. Kerry strolled around looking at the bowls and glass trays made from old pieces of glass broken and melted into shape, the pattern forming a coloured shadow on the shelf, “anything else mum?’ shouted Jo.

“You are so in trouble for cheek like that” said Kerry “I have a good mind to cancel your pizza order.” The sales person had no idea what was going on and just stood there waiting for the imprinter to finish producing a receipt. “Ignore us, she’s just being silly if I was her mother she would have been adopted out with manners like that” said Kerry smiling to the sales girl. Jo picked up the bag and thanked the girl for staying open, they walked out into the street as the lights came on and the shop door closed firmly behind them, the closed sign already turned around.

The pizza was ready and sitting on the rack by the time they returned, Kerry picked them up as Jo unlocked the car doors. Kerry opened the back door and put the pizzas on the seat before climbing into the front of the car, Jo reversed and turned the car towards the farmstay and a log fire. Anne had already started the log fire so when Jo and Kerry opened the door to their chalet the room was already nice and warm.

“I am so cold I need to get warm before I eat, what about a spa?” asked Jo, Kerry put another log onto the fire then said “why not we can heat up the pizza in the microwave later.” Jo walked into the spa and turned the hot water on and poured a bottle of bubble liquid into the spa, “that should make it look better.”

Kerry had poured a couple of glasses of wine and carried the glasses and the rest of the bottle into the bathroom as Jo finished stripping down to her knickers, a pile of clothes spread over the floor. Kerry placed the wine glasses on the edge of the spa as Jo dropped her remaining garment to the floor and stepped into the spa taking a glass as she did so. Kerry turned and went back into the bedroom to get undressed and hang up her clothes rather than leaving them scattered around the chalet. Kerry looked in the mirror as she finished getting ready for the spa, her white silk knickers being the only covering she had on but still the body reminded her of her hybrid state, not quite there but never to return either. She grabbed the two bath robes and headed into the bathroom, Kerry closed the door behind her and threw the robes on a stool. Jo was reclining and sipping at her glass of white as the steam rose from the water and started to fill the room, Kerry stepped over the edge of the spa into the water.

“Still got to wear the safety pants to protect me from Paul?” shot Jo as Kerry slipped down into the bubbles. Kerry grabbed her glass of wine and took a sip, “not really, it’s just that it reminds me of how far I have to go still, I think I can trust myself.”

The spa jets pounded their bodies for ten minutes then cut off as the two girls refilled their glasses, the spa had heating built into the system so the water kept at the same temperature while the girls soaked away the cold of winter. Jo turned to Kerry, “does my body really tease you or are you just joking?” Kerry looked at her, “this is called a transition for a very good reason, it is both physical and mental so that includes my perception of who I am.” Jo looked at her with a blank look on her face “I hear that but does my body do anything to you?” Jo asked again trying to get Kerry to be clearer in what she was saying.

Kerry looked down at her glass “OK, if I let myself get carried away with Paul thoughts then I would find you body very exciting but that doesn’t seem in line with where Kerry is going so why go there, it would only mean confusion for me.”

“So when you attacked Clive and that guy last Saturday it was as a female and not a gay male, is that right?” asked Jo “well if you put it that bluntly, yes I guess so” said Kerry amazed at how simple Jo made it sound when it had taken her so long to make it clear in her own mind.

“If I had sex with a woman that would be as a lesbian since I now see myself as a woman” added Kerry trying to make sure that Jo had more than enough information.

“Can I ask one more very personal question then since we are being so open tonight?” asked Jo looking for approval from Kerry. Getting a nod meant she could proceed, “so what are you looking for in a lover then?” Kerry turned her body towards Jo, she could see Jo’s body in all of her glory as she sipped wine so innocently surrounded by bubbles. Kerry took several seconds before she spoke.

“I think that it comes down to how do I want to be treated rather than who or what, let me put that another way, hot lusty sex is great as a young adult but now the thought of “wam bam thank you mam sex” is as interesting as dead fish on cold chips. Love has to be shared, taken over time and enjoyed by both parties, it must leave both people wanting to spend more time doing exactly the same thing again and again. It must be gentle and caring as well as exciting and fulfilling, I think I need to be wanted for who I am and not what I can do for someone between their legs. If sex is nothing more than an exchange of body fluids then why bother inviting anyone else to be there, just plug into a machine and sit back. So Clive and Mark were just a distraction on the roadway to the future, nothing more than that”. Kerry took another drink of wine, “is that what you expected to hear from me?” asked Kerry as Jo sat there quietly thinking.

“Not quite how I would have put it but I think you have more girl thoughts than most of the women at work” Jo laughed “they just talk about the hot and steamy stuff as if it’s the only thing that matters.”

Jo moved closer to Kerry as she sat in the spa, “I just want to say how much I love spending time with you, you really are more than just a work colleague. You always tell things like they are and don’t mix it up with agendas or scheming to get your own way.” Jo leaned forward and gave Kerry a peck on the cheek, “and don’t ask about Tom anymore or I’ll cry.”

Kerry put her arm around Jo’s shoulder to console her, “OK now it’s my turn for truth or dare, what did he do to my little sister?” Jo ended up telling Kerry all about how he just wanted sex every day and didn’t want to go out shopping or to the movies or dancing. Jo felt used by him rather than loved by him and she had called it all off and never heard from him since. Kerry had left her arm around Jo all the time she spoke in a very protective manner and Jo seemed to snuggle into Kerry’s side.

“Come on let’s get out of here and eat some food before we get teary eyed” Jo said standing up to get out of the spa, her naked hair free body right in front of Kerry’s face as if she had not heard what Kerry had said just a few minutes earlier. Jo wrapped a bathrobe around her body after drying her legs and feet then walked over her old clothes into the bedroom. Kerry shook her head, it was just like having kids in the house who needed tidying up after them all day long. She stood and took off her white silk pants then dried herself with a fresh towel before putting on another pair of pants and wrapping the bathrobe around her body to keep the warmth in.

Jo had nuked some of the pizza in the microwave and was sitting in the bed trying to flick through the TV channels looking for anything worth watching. Kerry poured two more glasses of wine and hopped into the big bed next to Jo, “swap, one glass for some warm pizza, OK?” she said handing Jo the wine. They sat there with the main lights off and the log fire roaring away as the TV shot beams of light into the room like ghostly shadows. During one of the advert breaks both girls had swapped the thick bathrobes that kept them warm for their nighties. As they continued drinking, the wine and warmth of the fire helped them feel sleepy, the movie was slow moving and Jo laid down and propped her head up with a pillow while Kerry continued to watch the show. As the show finished Kerry had slipped down alongside Jo and had her arm wrapped around Jo who had snuggled down so her back was into Kerry’s side and she was holding onto Kerry’s arm like a teddy bear for security. To Kerry it seemed quite normal laying there watching TV while her favorite girl snoozed gently beside her, except it was not Paul being drawn into the picture.

Jo stirred and rubbed her hand up Kerry’s arm as it lay across her chest, the action caused Kerry to move suddenly as she realized the problem. Kerry had been gently holding Jo’s breast and playing with the nipple that had now become hard as Jo woke from the light sleep. “Don’t stop, that feels so nice to be held by you” said Jo putting Kerry’s hand back on her breast and wriggling back under the blankets.

Kerry had a sudden attack of guilty thoughts alongside thoughts of joy then back to guilt and on to confusion. Jo rolled over to face Kerry while making sure her arm didn’t escape, her own hand landing on Kerry’s right breast as she looked into her eyes, Jo could see the startled deer look on Kerry’s face as she reached up to touch her face. Jo moved her hand slowly and stroked the side of her face gently which caused Kerry to relax somewhat, the kiss was gentle and warm and neither woman moved quickly.

It seemed just a peaceful time laying there in each other's arms, the confusion dying away as Jo gently touched Kerry and again they kissed but this time initiated by Kerry. Jo touched her face again, moving locks of auburn hair out of her eyes. Her fingers outlined Kerry’s lips and caused Kerry to kiss her hand gently like a lover being seduced, their eyes hardly leaving each other's eyes.

The moment seemed to last for ages as Jo and Kerry touched and kissed, Jo slowly moving her hand down Kerry’s shoulder to her right breast which caused Kerry to bite her lip as the sensation was instant. Kerry pushed her mouth towards Jo, an emotional kiss that involved all of her body and engulfed Jo leaving nothing to her imagination about how Kerry was feeling. Almost by instinct Kerry moved her own free arm so she could gently touch Jo’s body and the same response came as Kerry gently caressed her while still holding her close.

They lay there touching, kissing and exploring each other's body as the fire continued to heat the room, the TV had long ago been turned off. Jo sat upright and with a single movement pulled her nightie over her head then settled back onto the pillow facing the ceiling, Kerry did the same and lay back down facing Jo. This time Kerry slowly caressed Jo’s body and leaned over to kiss her breasts, the nipples standing to attention like soldiers ready for action. Jo pulled her head up towards her and kissed her again while holding her face with both hands. Kerry’s hand moving gently over Jo’s stomach as she kissed and muzzled her cheeks and ears.

Jo arched her back as Kerry continued to touch her stomach winding her way slowly down to the smooth mound between her legs. Kerry let her hand rest gently without touching Jo’s lips, the sheer touch caused Jo to press her mouth hard against Kerry’s mouth and run her arms down her back pulling her towards her own body. The two women lay there kissing and moving so subtly in patterns that together they could not perform but wanted to be connected as lovers.

Jo shifted and moved her legs so slightly that an observer would have missed it but to the gentle touch of Kerry’s hand nothing was missed. Her hand moved deeper between her legs touching her thighs like feathers massaging delicate skin, the shiver going up Jo’s entire body. As Kerry moved her body lower in the bed she found Jo guiding her hands, Kerry moved her fingers lightly touching the outside of Jo’s lips teasing her by pressing gently but determinedly towards the point where Jo wanted her to go. Jo’s vagina was warm, inviting and so smooth as it parted like an oyster to reveal the pearl, but Kerry played around touching gently but not rushing. Jo moaned as Kerry finally found the entrance and pushed inwards to feel the wet walls of Jo’s most feminine place, Jo’s hands pushed Kerry’s fingers deeper inside her tunnel as she rubbed the palm up against her exposed parts.

Kerry knew how to make love but had never taken so much time doing it, she had nothing to gain sexually for herself as the hormones had long since killed any reaction from her penis. The thought of an orgasm was totally out of the question but this was so different it made her feel so alive, the sheer beauty of being touched and held so gently was like nothing she had felt before. Jo had not raced or forced anything it just seemed to happen and Kerry had not gone looking for it nor hiding from it either.

Kerry moved her hand and started to caress Jo’s clitoris and lips while Jo moved her hands to her breasts and closed her eyes. With her spare hand Kerry played with Jo’s nipples gently touching and squeezing them causing Jo to move as the ripples of pleasure rolled through her body. Kerry moved her fingers around sensing the response that Jo was having and as Jo got close to climaxing Kerry kissed her neck then gently nibbled her ears. Jo moaned as Kerry brought her to full climax then kept going until Jo screamed to stop, snatching her hands away and pulling Kerry up to her face to kiss her.

As Jo kissed Kerry she forced her to roll over so she was on top of Kerry and continued kissing and rubbing her hands over her body. Jo was actually lying between her legs but absolutely nothing was stirring down below, Jo rolled off and lay on the bed beside Kerry.

They laid there for a good twenty minutes just kissing and gently touching each other until Kerry started moving back down to Jo’s little mound of joy. Her hands moved carefully up and down her legs and again Jo opened them signifying her approval to proceed. Kerry ran her hands on the inside of Jo’s legs but as she did Kerry turned around so her head was on Jo’s belly which she kissed and gently licked towards where Jo’s bikini line would have been if she had pubic hair. Jo opened her legs wider as Kerry reached the top of her mound with kisses and nudging with her nose, again every sign was to proceed.

With delicate kisses and massaging with her tongue Kerry brought Jo close to the point of no return before backing off and letting her smolder like a fire that was ready to be fanned into flame. Jo’s hand found the inside of Kerry’s left leg and rose to the top without touching the white silk pants that she knew contained “the problem” as Kerry called it.

Inside Kerry’s mind the compilation of hours of kissing and touching was becoming too much to bear, she stopped and raised her head without turning around to Jo and slipped her pants off her bottom and down to her knees. Jo saw the action and understood the trust that Kerry was giving her, as Kerry lifted her leg Jo helped the pants to go past her knee and then the other leg until they lay on the floor, the safety barrier discarded, no longer required in the safe loving environment of their chalet bedroom.

Kerry returned to pleasuring Jo without a single word being said as Jo started slowly but very gently to touch Kerry where no one had been for nearly two years. The doctor had done a good job and a large amount of the scrotum had been retracted back into the cavity caused by removing the testicles and some of the body tissue behind the penis. The whole area was still very sensual to touch and sent the normal effect through Kerry’s body distracting her from what she had been doing to Jo. The result was that Jo went over the top while still touching Kerry, her hands exploring every crevice and fold of skin then as she came Jo’s hand sat idly over the tuft of pubic hair massaging the small mound that remained of Paul’s manhood.

Jo had to stop to catch her breath but left her hand on Kerry’s buttocks as she lay facing the bottom of the bed, the pair of them hot with the excitement of the last two hours. The blankets had long been discarded as the two had moved around in the bed so much, Jo changed position and faced Kerry at the bottom of the bed. Jo kissed her so passionately it seemed to go on and on, the two of them wrapped in each other's embrace their breasts touching and melding sending more sensations through each of them.

Kerry lay back onto her back looking at the ceiling, a tear rolling down the side of her face sparkled in the fire light that filled the room. Jo caught it with her finger and wiped it away, then gently kissed the cheek that was red from the fires glow. She leaned into Kerry and put her hand on Kerry’s belly as the protective arm once again wrapped around Jo to keep her close and safe beside Kerry. Again they felt no need to rush and lay there cuddling as the fire between them seemed to have taken firm hold, a fire that neither of them had planned or expected.

Jo moved her hands slowly down Kerry’s belly as she kissed her neck then breasts until she reached her bikini line that had been so carefully shaped by laser treatment to look like the female shape. The small nub of the penis still sat exposed as the skin was rolled away from the tip, due to months of hormone treatment the feeling still worked but erection was impossible. Jo moved around it and touched directly below the scrotum making Kerry arch her pelvis upwards, Jo continued to explore finding several spots that made Kerry move or moan slightly.

Time stood still as Jo explored with her finger tips, her long nails increasing the effect as she traced the side of the scrotum. Jo again peeled back the foreskin and started to kiss the remnant of manhood, the outward signs were minimal but inside Kerry felt the changes reaching into her belly, the tension rolling around slowly building then fading. Kerry lay there with her hands and well manicured finger nails pressing into her belly pulling upwards as she rolled her pelvis upwards towards the source of pleasure. Jo pressed all of the buttons she new until Kerry shook, she did not explode like Paul would have done but lay there biting her lip and holding her breath as if delaying the dying feeling that had gone off in her abdomen. If this was how a woman experienced orgasm Kerry could live with it.

Several minutes went by before they moved back to the top of the bed then pulled up the blankets and lay back down resting in each other's warm glow. The fire slowly died and sleep came so easily to both of them dreams filling their minds as they snuggled under the doona.

The morning light came through the gaps in the curtains, the chilly edge of winter biting at the room and the noses of girls that lay curled up in the warm bed. Jo was the first to stir and rolled towards Kerry, she looked at the face of her colleague and friend wondering how she would feel in the cold light of day. Kerry must have sensed the eyes that looked at her and opened her eyes to find Jo’s face so close to her own, not imposing on her personal space but inviting her into a joined space.

It could have been very awkward waking up to find your best friend lying next to you in the bed. Instead Kerry rolled her head towards Jo and offered her lips for a kiss, she was not disappointed as Jo beamed her smile and replied with her warm lips and gentle touch of her hand on Kerry’s stomach. There was a feeling similar to that very first encounter between young lovers except neither of these two were young but most definitely they had become lovers. Jo moved closer until they again lay wrapped into one being, the day was cold but inside both of them felt a warmth that came from each other.

Kerry had to break the mood by going to the toilet but triggered the kettle on her way there, Jo stayed under the doona waiting for her return. They missed breakfast as they sat in bed and talked and drank tea and coffee, it was far more important to both of them than food and neither wanted to risk losing what had happened in the last twelve hours.

Finally they did venture out of the bedroom and tidied up the chalet before heading up to the kitchen to see if Anne had any leftovers. They found her making bread surrounded by flour and grain, yeast sat in a small jar on the table.

“Good morning sleepy heads, have you had enough rest yet?” Anne asked them not really expecting an answer. “I reckon I could sleep for another day” said Jo giggling slightly.

“We seem to forget about the emotional and physical cost of doing long hours at work until the pressure comes off” added Kerry trying to hide Jo’s giggle. Even if Anne had spotted anything she would not have said a single word about it as being a hostess meant not asking.

“Would you two lovely girls like something to eat, I assume that’s why you have come in here looking so sheepish” Anne said smiling at them. “Yes please unless it’s too much trouble” said Jo quickly, trying not to appear too eager. Anne told them to pull up a stool to the bench while she made them something to eat, putting mugs of coffee down on the work bench for them first.

It was amazing how quickly Anne threw together a serving plate of bacon, eggs, beans and tomatoes finished off with toast. The two girls had not realized how little they had eaten last night, the majority of the pizza being left near the fireplace slowly turning into dry stale slices in the cardboard box. “We did get some food last night but spent too long soaking in that great spa” Jo said before biting into a slice of toast. “Leftover pizza doesn’t quite taste the same if it gets left out near the fireplace all night” Kerry added as she served up another egg on top of her toast.

“Anything planned today being your last day with us?” Anne said as she continued making bread for the entire family and guests. The two girls had not realised that this was going to be their last night away together and a hint of sadness hit both of them, they had enjoyed themselves in more ways than they had ever thought.

The drive through the small towns and tourist stops happened more like time travelers in a trance, they looked and sampled but they seemed disconnected from the reality of the place. Neither of them noticed how the impact of Anne’s comment had effected them so much until they stopped for a drink in a small tea house beside the beach. Sitting alone outside in the pleasant sunlight and sipping on their drinks it was Kerry that finally brought it up.

“I feel so crappy today like I just lost something” Kerry said looking at Jo “me too, it’s not buyers remorse is it” she said touching Kerry’s hand.

“No, it’s just” she stopped then looked at Jo with tears in her eyes, “I haven’t felt like this for so long. It sounds really corny but my heart is hurting at the thought of going back to work and not being able to share with you how I am feeling. I wish we could stay here for a few more days to sort out how we feel about last night.” Her tears overflowed her eyes but she could see that Jo had the same problem written all over her face, the pain at going back was the problem.

“Are you concerned about last night, is that the problem?” asked Jo hoping against hope that she had it wrong. “No, the opposite is true, I loved last night so much I don’t want to leave it to just a holiday thing, actually it’s far more than just last night it has been the entire trip. You call me big sister and friend but to me you have become so much more but I need to know how you really feel about me.”

Jo let out a sigh, and put her cup down so she could take Kerry’s hands in her own, the same look of wet eyes looking straight into Kerry’s eyes. “I have loved you since you first came out with us dancing on that Friday night, you always treat me like I’m special, you care for me like no one else has ever done. I could not think of any reason to not spend every waking moment with you, nor can I think of anyone else that I’d rather be with although the thought of that scares me shitless, sorry I shouldn’t have said it like that. What I mean is I really love you and that seems so opposite to everything that I have been taught or done.” Jo choked back a crying sound as she finished.

“Does that mean we stop or proceed, precious one?” Kerry said holding Jo’s hands. The winter sun had vanished but neither wanted to go inside, “lets go and sit in the car so we can talk without getting our butts frozen off” suggested Kerry trying to keep it together as well.

Kerry drove the car this time, she pulled into a small car parking area overlooking the surf as it pounded relentlessly onto the foreshore, the dirty white foam rolling along the beach only to get caught in small tufts of beach grasses that lined the sand dunes. Nobody was walking along the beach today not even the seagulls that seemed to live at the beach all year long, it was just the two of them sitting staring out at nature. Kerry parked the car, set the handbrake and turned off the ignition, she turned in her seat so she could look at Jo. Kerry took hold of Jo’s hand again and gently kissed it as she waited for Jo to talk.

“That’s just what I mean, you show me so much love and just let me talk it through without getting defensive or making solutions like a man” Jo laughed as she realized the irony of the comment.

“I totally agree with you, I think men can be so insensitive sometimes” Kerry laughed still holding on to Jo’s hand. Jo lifted her hand and touched Kerry’s face gently stroking her hair as Kerry pushed her head towards Jo’s hand, the mutual caress saying more than just a touch of body parts. “I have no idea how to solve this problem or even if we have a problem” said Kerry “do we have a problem or an opportunity as Bill would say?”

Bill always told them to see problems as opportunities needing more thinking time, but both of these girls had the answer but neither had the nerve to say what they wanted due to the enormity of the situation. Jo looked at Kerry as if digging for an answer in her eyes “what I’d love to do is stay for a few more days and talk this through. Remember on Friday when I asked if you wanted to adopt me and you said that I could move in? Well that doesn’t sound too silly anymore, after all I need a place to stay and you need tucking up into bed every night.” Kerry had already come to the same conclusion but needed to hear it from Jo’s lips.

“What about your stuff where would you store all of the furniture?” Jo had a quick answer “the flat was rented furnished so the only things I have are my clothes and cooking gear and you already know that I can’t cook to save my life.”

Suddenly the sun light came back out making the car brighter as if a weight had been lifted from them, both, in fact it had been lifted and they felt it in their spirits. The problem only needed talking through and the opportunity became apparent to them, they would tell Bill that Jo was moving in to help with the costs since Tom had been sent packing and she could not afford the large flat she had. The sunshine stayed all afternoon as they continued to visit tourist things and pick up small items to remember the trip with.

As they drove into the farm Anne was walking back from their chalet, she waved to them as they parked the car and walked over to speak to them, she said that she had just finished making the fire and had left a treat for them on the bed.

“Any chance of staying another couple of nights Anne?’ blurted out Kerry hoping that the place was not fully booked out.

“That’s the treat I just left on your bed, a couple cancelled today and that makes your room available until Sunday if you want it, and you can have the extra four days at half price.” The speed of sound is slow compared to the response from Jo’s lips “done” she said and jumped to hug Kerry. If Anne had any doubts they had just been blown away by Jo’s action.

“We would love to Anne, we had just been talking about how restful it is down here and we didn’t want to go back to work yet” said Kerry trying to keep some form of decorum. Anne walked off to her kitchen as Jo opened the door to the chalet, lying on the bed were two fresh bathrobes and spa bubble bombs alongside a box of chocolates. A small card sat open on top of the chocolates, it read “You seem to be enjoying this so much how would you like to stay a few extra nights?”

“Do you think she realizes just how much fun we are having or is it just a sales pitch?” asked Jo “who cares, lets just enjoy it some more before we have to go back” Kerry said putting the chocolates in the fridge.

Coming up, Kerry and Jo enjoy the rest of the break before going back to work and life together.
Anne enjoys some girl time away from the farm.

“What about dinner out tonight, somewhere posher than the caf锝 said Kerry “as long as it is not near Mark or Henri please” Jo added. Anne had let them know about another restaurant in town that they could get dressed up for and she had even phoned through a booking for seven thirty.

They had two hours to spare so Jo ran the spa again and lobbed in a bath bomb, the water fizzed as it dissolved into pretty pink particles floating on the water. Jo stripped off again leaving her clothes all over the bathroom floor, Kerry walked in carrying the two bathrobes just like last night.

“I am not too sure that I will be able to put up with a messy kid in my house but I guess I can change you” Kerry said throwing the clothes into the bedroom. This time Kerry had nothing on as she lowered herself into the water; any thought of needing a safety blanket had vanished since last night. The bubbles exploded around them as Jo hit the button for the air jets, the heat making their bodies warm while the bath bomb relaxed them.

“How long do you think it would take to get your bathroom remodeled to handle one of these?” asked Jo, “too long and too much but the patio may be a better option” suggested Kerry. They sat there quite content to just soak without talking, there was no touching or kissing but both felt the oneness of being together. Kerry finally made a move towards Jo, she leant over and kissed her gently as she lay with her head on the edge of the spa, parts of her body floating in the warm pink water. Jo opened her eyes as they finished the kiss, the beams of joy shining through her eyes seeing Kerry’s face so close. The jets finished and together they knelt in the spa, embracing as they kissed again, there was nothing overtly sexual about it just plenty of time and gentleness.

The pair decided that getting all dressed up would be fun and each had brought away some of their best lingerie and a good dress in case they found somewhere to go thinking that they may get picked up. Now the choice was far different, they wanted to look good for each other and enjoy the next few days together. Jo pulled out her corset that she had bought recently along with a matching pair of pants and seamed stockings, the corset held her breasts nicely in place so wearing a bra was not essential. Kerry likewise had her favourite corset and stockings with the sequined pattern up the outside of the legs, her dress was knee length but allowed the pattern to show with her heels.

Both girls needed help getting ready as they tied up the laces and clipped on the stockings, like the first time they had done it there was teasing with touching and smoothing but this time the feelings had somewhere to go. As the dresses settled around their bodies and they stepped into their shoes neither of them had bothered to put on any pants, a point that both were very aware of. They had done their makeup and dried their hair then put on their matching jewelry, they had never talked about what to bring with them but both had chosen the same things.

Just before leaving the farm they stopped at Anne’s kitchen door and rang the bell “just checking that we are presentable Anne?’Kerry said swirling around. Anne smiled at them both “you both look lovely, enjoy the meal but make sure you don’t drink any of his homemade grappa it has a wild bite.” Anne watched out of her window as the two girls walked arm in arm across the parking area towards Jo’s car, this time Kerry opened the door for Jo and let her get in before closing the door and getting into the driver's side.

The restaurant was far better than just the other café’s for tourists, the waiter had a suit on and a couple of waitresses served drinks while music filtered through the building. The two girls sat politely as the waiter unfolded the napkins and placed them on their laps, the water glasses were half filled and each got a menu to choose from.

Jo looked up at Kerry “I’m not sure that I can handle myself correctly in this place, I hope I don’t embarrass you” said Jo. “Just relax and if in doubt follow me, I had to learn which fork to use at which time and which glass for red or white wine” Kerry said trying to help her relax.

The room held enough tables for around forty people but tonight they only had twenty five, mainly in couples but one large family group that obviously were celebrating the arrival of a baby. Kerry watched as the baby was passed around the table and each person kissed her and smiled as she looked into their eyes wondering who they were. Thoughts of motherhood popped into her head and the fact that there was a whole part of being a woman that she had missed out on and could never enjoy. Jo caught her watching the baby.

“I missed out on that one too, my plumbing is as useful as yours will be” Jo said looking into Kerry’s shocked face. “What do you mean, can’t you have any children” Kerry asked reflecting the pain she felt for Jo, “not unless they invent replacement plastic wombs, mine got removed just before my thirteenth birthday due to massive internal infection.” Kerry really did feel sorry for Jo having no chance at something so fundamental to being a woman, the chance of bearing children.

The waiter came back before Kerry could ask anymore, “would you two lovely ladies like more time to think or are you ready to order?’ he asked politely waiting for their answer. Their specialty was seafood around beef or pork and served with hot roasted vegetables and a variety of gravies and fresh green beans. The wine choice was much harder and they opted for his choice of semi sweet white with not too much youth, whatever that meant.

Kerry waited until the waiter had left before asking about Jo’s situation, “is there nothing they can do to help you conceive or is everything gone?” she asked before the wine water came back showing them the bottle and pouring a sample for Kerry, who seemed to be the dominant person. Kerry sipped the glass, not quite sure what she was looking for but said “thank you” he poured two half glasses and left the bottle sitting in an ice bucket near the table.

Jo told Kerry about her infection after getting appendicitis and how the infection meant she had a radical hysterectomy before even being old enough to use what she had. Her ovaries had gone as well as her womb, there was no risk of pregnancy no matter how hard she “banged around”. A hint of sarcasm came through her comments, but it also explained why Jo had appeared out of control some times. Kerry reached out her hand to hold Jo’s but it was firmly around the glass, even after seventeen years the pain was still evident to Kerry.

“There’s only one option I have and that is adoption” said Jo putting her glass down, “is that what you would like to do?” asked Kerry, not really sure why she was saying that. Jo looked up from her glass suddenly as if a light had been turned on or a gunshot had gone off in the room “I’m not sure what you are saying in this, would you want a baby around the house?” Jo asked rather surprised at the option.

“Hang on lets back pedal slightly, today I adopt you then tomorrow I adopt another, that’s moving too quickly even for me.”

The entrees arrived as they sat there talking about the rest of their holiday plans, a cave tour followed by a trip down around the big trees by bus sounded a good idea. Kerry couldn’t get the comment out of her head and had no plans of starting the conversation again. Jo on the other hand had been thrown a life line with flashing lights on it and big red sign that she thought read “promise”.

The meal and wine drifted into dessert then coffees, the amount was not huge but with corsets on neither had room to spare, about half way through the night Jo leaned over and whispered to Kerry “you know I have no knickers on and I know that you don’t either.”

Jo’s foot had slipped out of her shoe and was rubbing up the inside of Kerry’s leg, the table cloth was long enough to hide what she was doing but the look on Kerry’s face was priceless, she bit her lip as she tried to appear in control and behaving in public. It was going OK until Jo’s big toe reached the middle of her upper thigh, her legs opening to allow Jo to go higher, but with little legs she would have to shuffle down the chair and that may have been too bold an option.

Instead Kerry did the same but with longer legs it was Jo that got the sensation that she had planned for Kerry. Jo giggled as the waiter came to remove her coffee cup and ask if they wanted anything else apart from the bill, it was definitely time for the bill and home as Kerry fumbled for her credit card in the purse while trying to put her shoe back on at the same time.

The pair giggled like school girls as they left the restaurant and walked down the road arm in arm towards the car, the evening was still warm enough to allow them to walk without getting cold as the cloud cover was ready for rain overnight.

“You are so wicked, fancy doing that in public” said Kerry amazed that she had also joined in and even enjoyed the thrill of what they had done. “What’s to lose, they don’t own the rights to having fun do they” replied Jo in her cheeky manner that Kerry loved.

As they reached the car and Kerry went to open Jo’s door, Jo turned around and faced Kerry then kissed her with the same level of passion as last night. “I am so loving being with you, even if you do get a little uptight sometimes” Jo said coming back for another kiss.

The streets were empty but still it made Kerry think of what she was getting into with Jo, had they thought it through properly or would that just confuse things. Jo slid into the car as Kerry closed the door, walking slower around to her door unable to let go of the last thought even as she quietly drove back to the farm and opened the chalet door. Jo noticed how absent Kerry seemed since getting into the car and asked her what was going on in her head apart from the normal stuff.

“Let me put the kettle on for some hot chocolate while I get changed” Kerry said as Jo dropped her dress on the floor and just wrapped the bathrobe around her corseted body. Kerry followed suit except she hung up her dress and put the shoes away in the cupboard, the drink being put on the small coffee table by Jo as the fire received another log, big enough to last a couple of hours.

As Kerry sat down and picked up her mug Jo came straight to the point “OK spill the beans, what happened back there that made you switch off?’ Kerry took a sip, then another one trying to get the words into order. Jo waited patiently as Kerry had obviously reacted to something; the suddenness of the change had been almost instantaneous. Kerry shuffled around on the floor getting comfortable and ready to talk.

“You know me better than anyone else at this stage of my life, right? You think I can handle what others think about me because I have made so many changes in my life but that’s not true. I have cried so many times as people have been rude or hurtful to me or about my choice of lifestyle. I have had to battle bigots and rednecks, zealots and plain old stupid people that always knew better than everyone else. I have done what I have because I felt there was no other way to go and only that determination has kept me going.”

Jo sat there listening to what she was saying but already knew about the pain she had gone through to get where she was, “sorry but I must be missing something” she said asking Kerry for help. “How does this apply to here and now, I’m confused?” Jo said trying again to make it clearer for Kerry to answer.

“It’s just that if you move in with me then others will know how we feel about each other and that will hurt you, I can’t let that happen to you, precious one.” Jo leaned forward closer to Kerry, “is that what it’s all about, you don’t want to see me get hurt, that is so sweet” she said leaning closer to kiss Kerry.

Kerry pulled back “it’s more than you getting hurt it could impact on your job and family as well, this is more than just changing flat mates, or at least it is to me.” The tone of Kerry’s voice had changed and Jo saw what Kerry was getting at, the risk of being cut off from those that we have loved for so long or held as dear to us, the risk of losing so much to gain something that may be so flighty.

“But those things are not worth keeping hold of if I have to go through life always wishing that it had been different and losing your love.” Kerry could not argue as Jo had put her own thoughts back to her as the only reason to proceed, “there is no turning back from some decisions, are you absolutely sure?” Kerry asked as she held Jo’s hands in hers.

Again the morning light filtered through the gaps in the curtains but this time the sunlight came without the clouds or rain drops on the roof. Breakfast was at eight and the two girls walked into the kitchen as Anne brought trays of bacon and eggs to the bain-marie, she noticed they were holding hands.

“Did you have a good time last night, with the food I mean?” Anne asked before quickly turning her back on them to hide her face after making the mistake.

“Yes thank you Anne, the place was fantastic and so elegant, they nearly had to kick us out we stayed so late” Kerry said trying to help Anne out of her embarrassment. They sat at a table as Anne brought hot tea and coffee to their table and filled up the large mugs with the farm logo on the side.

“Is there anywhere else that you would recommend we could go to for tonight’s dinner?” asked Jo, “we came away hoping to get Pampered.” “Well since you mention it there is a place that does full body massages and beauty treatments down in the forest but you may not feel like driving afterwards, they reckon people just want to sleep.” Kerry looked at Jo “that sounds more like a daytime activity than a dinner thing” they both looked at Anne “yes it can be but they also offer an evening session for those that want to stay a night” added Anne as she served out Jo’s food onto the plate, by now she had come to remember what Jo would eat for breakfast.

“We could always go for a afternoon session and stay for an early dinner before driving home?” suggested Kerry as she drank from the large mug of freshly brewed tea. “I’ll get you the phone number” said Anne disappearing out the back of her kitchen.

“I think she saw me holding your hand as we came into the room” said Kerry. Jo made no comment, in her mind the situation was not worth talking about, it was her decision who she loved and she really had decided that she loved Kerry in the most intimate way and emotional way as well.

The booking was made for 2:30pm so that left them four hours to kill, Anne let them know about the feeding jobs on the farm if they felt like doing something slightly messy. Well, that was an understatement as the two girls walked back into Anne’s dining room with two of her sons after chasing animals around the paddock and falling flat on their faces.

The look was priceless as Anne snapped a few shots on her digital camera, “let you have a copy before you leave” she said trying hard not to laugh too much. “Anyway they say mud is good for your complexion and cheaper than the beauty spa” Anne said throwing them an old towel to wipe their faces.

The two had not laughed so hard for many months, the cows had moved every time they got near and herding them into the pen meant running ahead of them to head them off, something the cows knew all about. The sheep didn’t behave any better and the rams actually butted Jo on the side of her leg when she got in the way of where they intended ongoing. The crunch came as Jo tried to wrestle an old sheep into the pen and Kerry joined her trying to lift it up, the animal weighed far more than it looked like and as they pushed it simply moved sideways causing them to fall flat on their faces into the mud, whatever else was in the mud they didn’t want to know about.

Anne handed them mugs of hot coffee as they stood near the door, too afraid of leaving mud everywhere. “I better show you where the outside shower block is and if you leave your clothes in the trough I will make sure they are washed in our heavy duty washing machine” Anne said leading the way.

“I’ll get you a pair of bathrobes, the door leads into our back lounge when you are clean enough” Anne said closing the door behind them. As they started to strip off the muddy clothes and put them in a pile on the floor Anne knocked and hung up two bathrobes then locked the outer door and went back through the internal door “better lock this behind me.”

The water was hot and the shower big enough for both of the girls to get in together, as the mud washed off their faces the giggles started again. Jo found a lump of mud on Kerry’s face and wiped it across her face, Kerry retaliated by rubbing her hair all over her face. Jo grabbed Kerry and wrapped her arms around her.

“This is far more fun than hitting the keyboard all day, lets stay on holidays” Jo said as she kissed Kerry. Kerry kissed her back then said “and after four weeks what would we do to stop from getting bored?” “OK but it would be fun trying it sometime” said Jo picking up the bar of soap from the floor and lathering up her hands.

Kerry went back to cleaning her hair “with our workload two weeks would be a long time and four weeks would be a lifetime” she said stepping out of the shower. Jo washed her hair then turned off the water “I think Bill would have kittens if two of us went on leave for more than a week” she said wrapping a fresh bathrobe around her body and drying her hair. The pair walked back into the guest lounge as Anne brought their coffees out for them. "Here you are and your complexion looks so much better” she laughed.

Jo and Kerry took the mugs and sat down in the large leather chairs sipping the hot liquid, “come and join us Anne” Jo told her “let me just get my drink then” Anne said leaving the lounge for a few seconds. Anne sat in one of the chairs and took a drink, “it’s been good chatting to you two each day, gets boring having only men around the farm all day every day.”

“Know just what you mean, sometimes only a woman knows what you are going through isn’t that right Jo?” said Kerry as Jo nearly coughed out her coffee.

“Is that why we get on so well, dear?” replied Jo with Anne left wondering what was being said around her. Kerry shook her head as if to say 'should have known better than to start something' Jo just laughed again and continued drinking from her mug.

Anne put her mug down and turned to Kerry “how long have you two known each other, you seem to get on really well?” Jo looked at Kerry, Kerry looked at Jo, neither sure what to say.

“Kerry worked at the same place I do for about a year before I got to know her as she really is then we became best friends probably about seven months ago” Jo said choosing her words very carefully.

“But this week has been extra special for both of us, we haven’t had to do anything but rest and enjoy our time” Kerry added. They chatted about work and going dancing then the stress of doing too much just to get jobs finished on time.

As Anne stood up to go back out Kerry said “why don’t you come to the beauty spa with us, get away from the boys?”

“I would love to but we have guests arriving at six and they will need to be shown around” she said with a look of disappointment on her face.

The two girls finished their drinks and went to the back door, their boots had been washed and placed near the door ready to walk back to the chalet. The sight of two women walking around the farm in white fluffy bathrobes and wellington boots would have made a great photo but luckily only the cows were watching.

The internal phone rang as they closed the door “It’s Anne here, can I take you up on the offer but just for the beauty part?” she asked Jo who told her “no problems, I’ll call and change the bookings for three of us.”

Lunch was a quick bite to eat of cheese and bread and a piece of fruit before the girls finished their dressing and basic makeup, after all it was about to be mudded, cleansed, blasted or whatever else they had booked as relaxing. Anne met them in the car park, she had made some effort to get dressed up but compared to the girls she still looked like a farm hand. Jo drove the car this time and Kerry sat in the front talking to Anne as she navigated to the beauty spa, it was nestled in a wooded area around a small stream. They parked the car and within only a few minutes they had been shown into a room that was equipped for four people, it had four large reclining chairs and a couple of massage beds.

Outside the sliding glass windows a cane furniture setting with table and four chairs looked out to the stream and open fields, the sides were frosted glass to give privacy from the rooms next door.

The receptionist told them to get changed into the robes that hung in the wardrobe and pour themselves a cup of herbal tea to relax, the session would start in around 20 minutes, she pressed an “occupied” button as she left the room. Jo opened one of the wardrobes and pulled out the three robes which were very fluffy and white, “these wouldn’t last down on the farm with our muddy faces, would they?” she said putting them on the chairs.

Jo, as always, just jumped straight in and dropped her jeans and peeled off her jacket and blouse to reveal her bra and pants in a matching dark blue colour. Kerry followed suit but not as quickly, her jacket and sweater came off then she sat and pulled off her shoes and socks before standing to take off her jeans. Like Jo she stood there in her matching bra and pants, this pair in black with red flowers around the edge and her cleavage showing the quality of work the doctors had done on Thailand. Jo had flipped her bra over a chair to let her young breasts free from the restriction that had held them firmly in place.

Anne had been slow to remove her clothes probably due to the two semi naked and well trimmed bodies that occupied the room with her. Anne was not tall or thin, her body was more stocky than trimmed and as she finally revealed her underwear it showed supermarket brands rather than the sensual lingerie that Kerry and Jo both insisted on wearing to feel feminine. Anne quickly pushed her bits into a pile on the floor of the wardrobe and threw in her bra causing her boobs to sag onto her belly.

“Look at you two, how do you keep yourselves looking so good?” she commented not really expecting an answer. Jo handed her a robe “by not being able to have children, if you call that a blessing” Jo replied with a downturned frown. “By paying lots of money to the specialists in my case” Kerry added “and before you ask we would both gladly swap with you if it meant that we could give birth to children, stretch marks and all.”

Anne looked sadly at both of them “sorry I shouldn’t have said anything, I am so sorry please forgive me” Anne said trying not to look directly at the pair. Kerry was first to move, she hugged Anne “don’t worry we each have different reasons and you were not expected to know”, Jo rubbed her arm “no problems, it’s our problem not yours” Jo said.

“Now, what type of tea do you want, green tea as usual Kerry?” Jo asked turning to make three cups of herbal tea. “I haven’t ever had anything but black tea with milk” said Anne, again shy that she was showing her farm upbringing. “I’ll choose for you, St John's Worth is good for stress and you probably could do with some relief about now” Jo said pouring out the water into three cups.

As they sat looking out of the windows Jo was lost in the thoughts of what Anne had brought up, she would have given anything to be able to be a mother, Kerry on the other hand had children but would never know the joy of breast feeding or intimately nurturing a young child.

Sitting in the sunlight behind the glass windows they could feel the warmth of the sun even while wrapped in the robes sipping tea. They all felt like the world was slowly drifting away from them, and falling asleep would have been very easy. The door bell rang and then in walked two attendants to start the session, “who would like to go first with the deep soaking?” one of them asked while the other one put out towels over the massage beds and wheeled a trolley of oils and things between the two tables.

“I’ll go first then you two can have the massage together” said Anne glad to get out of the room for a few minutes. Anne was led through to a large bathtub of what looked like milk with flowers floating on top, “do I drink this or sit in it” she laughed to the girl as she closed the door.

“Just take off your underwear and step into the tub very carefully, it is very deep and the steps are hard to see” Anne was told. The girl held out her hand to take her robe then her pants, Anne nervously pulled them down going red as she did so.

“The bath is heated so you won’t get cold and when I leave the room will be warmed up as well, I’ll be back in around fifteen minutes to take you to the next session” and with that the door was closed behind her. As Anne sank into the liquid she could feel gentle bubbles rising from the bottom of the tub, then the lights dimmed and soft music started, the sound of running water and birds singing. Anne found herself lying back with her head out of the milk, or was it just white water, either way it felt slippery and oily as the bubbles got bigger, relaxing was only part of the sensation, her skin tingled as she lay there.

In the other room Kerry and Jo had laid on the two beds and covered in oils from head to toe, the robes had fallen to the ground and while Jo had discarded her pants as well Kerry still held onto her safety garment as Jo called her pants. Two naked bodies lay glistening in the sunlight, the music playing softly in the background and two massage girls working from head to toe gently pushing out the stress they had felt during the last month or so.

Essential oils burning in the room added to the feeling of relaxation and being Pampered as the knots came out of their bodies. Both girls had turned to look at the other and between times of massage they stole a glance at each other, Kerry looking at the delicate body of Jo wondering what she had got into and Jo smiling at Kerry happy to just be with her best friend. The massage took nearly thirty minutes and they were left to just lay there dozing as white sheets of muslin covered the oiled bodies.

Anne sat in one of the recliners wrapped in just her robe drinking from a water bottle. Kerry was taken to the milk bath and the same comment but this time she asked if she could leave her pants on “not a problem, just hope you brought some dry ones to go home in” said the girl as she left the room and the music started as before. Anne’s next treatment was a massage while Jo got her foot soaking in a hot foot bath then rubbed all over to remove dry skin and hard spots, then Kerry came back for the pedicure as Jo went to deep soak her body. She dropped her robe as soon as the door was closed “I can see that I don’t have to ask you to take anything off” chuckled the girl.

“Kerry gets a bit sensitive sometimes” said Jo guessing that Kerry had objected to taking off her pants.

For the next three hours they were rubbed, soaked, rinsed, bubbled milk over their bodies and lay in the chairs with chemical masks on waiting for the timer to go off. A little after five they were near the windows having their nails redone by two young girls that looked like they had just left school but had immaculate skin, hair and nails. They had been given glasses of wine to drink and a plate of cheese and fruit sat on the table for them to eat.

Anne had selected to get her hair done and was having her makeup done as a special treat, “I could get used to this lifestyle” said Anne looking at her face in the mirror as it started to look totally different.

“A good coat of paint makes anyone look and feel better” said Jo without opening her eyes, the sun now starting to set in the distant farmland. “Your husband will wonder what you’ve been up to coming home like this” said Jo “or what he’s going to be in for.”

“Always thinking about sex, I don’t know who brought you up girl?” said Kerry “Jo has a way with words that most of us don’t understand Anne, just ignore her.”

The sun was dropping below the horizon as they finished their drinks, Anne had to be back by six and had arranged for her husband to pick her up at the spa. She slipped her clothes back on before thanking Kerry and Jo for inviting her, “I have so enjoyed today, thank you” she turned and started to leave. Anne came back into the room and hugged Kerry and Jo, the tears in her eyes would have smudged the makeup if she hadn’t stopped herself.

Both girls had brought different clothes to change into for dinner, which was being served in a decent sized dining room containing a large fireplace in the centre of the room and full length glass windows went round half circle giving a good view of the outside gardens. The food was light and sufficient but the atmosphere continued with the gentle music and subdued lighting as the gardens sprung into life with coloured lights and water fountain. Jo and Kerry sat almost side by side looking out of the windows, their hands touching every so often but trying to be discreet.

They left there around eight thirty feeling very relaxed and Pampered, Jo opened the car door for Kerry and let her get in before closing it behind her. The car was looking out towards the lights of the fountain and garden, Jo put the keys in the ignition but waited as they sat there in no hurry to go home.

“I could get used to this lifestyle too” said Kerry holding Jo’s hand gently in her own, “but only as long as you were here with me.” Jo leaned over towards Kerry and a gentle kiss was followed by a couple more before they drove out of the car park and headed back to the chalet.

Anne’s kitchen light was on as they pulled into the farm, “lets just see how Anne is feeling” said Kerry always thinking of others. They parked the car and walked over to the kitchen hand in hand like lovers strolling through the moon light, Jo could see Anne standing by the stove and knocked at the door. Anne waved them inside, she had changed into a dress and a good pair of shoes.

“The kids are in bed eating popcorn and watching videos so we are going out for late supper” she beamed. “Told you that a coat of paint works wonders” said Jo smiling at Anne, “thanks again for taking me with you, better go before we change our minds.”

Kerry closed the back door and stood looking up at the moon light, the clouds looking very thin as the light went through them, “reflected sunlight” she said thinking of something profound. Jo looked up to see the moonlight, “the moon has no ability other than to reflect what is shone on it” she added sensing something forming in her mind. “It’s beauty comes from what it shows others about the company it keeps, sort of like you and me precious one” and her arm went around Jo “we can show others how to enjoy life.”

Kerry had never really thought about her life as being one that would demonstrate anything good, in fact others had said that she only showed the bad side with her weakness and decision to follow her heart. They slowly walked to the chalet and Jo opened the door, “is this what life is going to be like from now on, touching other people’s lives and seeing them respond?” asked Jo.

Kerry stepped inside but the thought had taken root, her joy was to see others become better people and get more out of life. That was why she had got on with Jo so easily, Kerry saw that Jo had so much to offer as long as she could get over the problems in her life. Her nature was friendly and outgoing but had masked the darker despair of being sentenced to a barren life, it had impacted on her life in ways that she had only just verbalized to Kerry. Still Kerry knew that she would continue to see Jo grow into all that she was meant to be, a very precious one to many people.

Kerry closed the door and Jo was waiting for her, her arms slid around Kerry’s waist and she pointed her head towards Kerry’s face. “How can I help but love being with you” Jo said waiting for Kerry to kiss her, the wait was less than a second and they found each other. Kerry lead Jo to the bed holding her hand, as they kissed again the light was turned off and the glow of the fire once again lit the room in shades of red and yellow. Kerry slowly unzipped Jo’s dress and helped her out of it, then placed it over a chair. Jo did the same allowing Kerry’s sleeveless dress to fall to the floor, they stood in just their underwear and heels looking at each other in the fire light. Jo’s hand touched her face and Kerry melted, she had longed to be loved as a woman but never had thought it would be like this, her wildest dream was to be a woman in all the essence of her mind.

Gently Jo reached around Kerry’s back and undid the clasp of her bra letting it fall to the ground alongside the dress that Kerry had stepped out of her pants finding the same destiny in a single movement of Jo’s hand. Standing in just her 3” heels and looking down at Jo she felt neither scared nor vulnerable, she had come to trust Jo in far more ways than she understood. Jo kissed her again as Kerry reached around and with the practiced ease of many years flicked the clasp open with a single hand, the other hand held her breast. She moved Jo closer to her body, the pants taking a similar time to hit the floor mainly through Jo’s active participation.

The shoes lay on the floor as both girls stepped out of them and lay on the bed that had been turned down by Anne when she had prepared the room for their late return. The slow embrace and kisses took longer than dinner, the gentleness as they once again explored each other's body finding spots that brought ecstasy. The fire may have died out but under the blankets the love of these two went on through the night, there was no rush to get there and fall asleep.

The rest of their holiday seemed to fly by and as they hugged Anne and promised to return it was also exciting for them both. The journey was just beginning for these two and although they had little understanding of what lay ahead they had committed to taking the journey together. Driving home would always be a somber event after a whole week away from work, the two spoke generally about how they could move Jo’s stuff and where she could store things but the main talk was about working together. Jo said she could not move in for at least two weeks as she had to get new tenants to take over the lease as well as packing.

Kerry could have just pushed it aside let her move straight away but she wanted to make sure Jo felt the same after holidays. Jo stopped at Kerry’s place on the way home and as Kerry dragged her bags inside it was Jo that wanted to see where she was going to sleep.

“Which side do I get?” she asked Kerry who had always slept on the right hand side. “I guess you get the left side since it’s my bed” said Kerry “let me make a cuppa, I need to ask you something first” Kerry said closing the bedroom door.

Jo looked at the closed door and concern came into her mind. Jo sat at the table while Kerry prepared the drinks, green tea for her and Honey and Cinnamon for Jo. Jo took her drink and followed Kerry into the lounge, Kerry sat on a single chair forcing Jo to find a spot on the settee by herself.

“What’s up, have I done something wrong?” Jo asked. Kerry looked at her trying to make sure she said only what she meant “you’ve done nothing wrong, I need to say something though” Kerry took another sip of tea.

“I know that we have had a great time away and I have loved every single minute with you but I need to make sure that you are not doing this out of the wrong motive” Kerry stopped. “No, that came out wrong let me say it again, what I think we feel for each other has to be so compelling that to do anything else would nearly kill us. Even that doesn’t sound right, look, are you absolutely sure that you want to do this because if you got hurt I would hate myself and I couldn’t live with that.”

Kerry looked at Jo to see if there was any response, Jo put down her mug on the table and moved to kneel on the floor next to Kerry. “If I had any doubt about this I would not be doing it” Jo said taking hold of Kerry’s hands, “I love being with you silly, anyway I’m big and tough.”

Kerry and Jo had decided to take the two weeks before she moved in and part of that was so Jo could change her mind at least that is what Kerry thought. Monday was back at work and the normal grind of consulting and sales plans for the new financial year as well as several longer term projects that could mean travel around the nation for some lucky consultants.

Kerry had only flown once since starting her transition, she carried a letter signed by her doctor to testify to her emerging gender compared to the passport she had flown on to Thailand. The customs guys had seen it all before but it still made travelling very disconcerting for Kerry having to present photo ID at each airport and check in lounge.

One of the shorter projects involved a demonstration come training session in Fiji, the client already had the basic modules but wanted upgrades, training and a look at the other features that had been mentioned at time of purchase. It could have been one person but Bill had decided that two could make the trip as training was going to be very tight given the limited time available for the managers. Kerry’s offsider had precedence on this type of trip but his wedding anniversary was in the middle of it and his wife could not get any time off work.

Bill asked Kerry if she could fly without problems and offered her the sales job, Bill asked her which of the consultants she wanted to travel with her since it would be fairly close quarters. Although Jo and Kerry had decided that they had to be very careful of how they interacted at work since the wrong message could get both of them fired it was Jo that Kerry selected to go with her. Jo also got scheduled for a trip to Adelaide for a week and then onto Sydney to help with training for another implementation before returning to Adelaide for the final cross over, she would be away for nearly three weeks.

The second quarter being just as heavy if all of the sales came through but Bill promised that each person would get an extra week of annual leave if the projected budgets got met. By the end of the week the Fiji trip had been delayed due to fighting, the tech guys had hardware issues to solve and the training in Adelaide was held up by the resignation of the project leader, just a normal day in the office for consultants.

The plan was for Jo to tidy up her flat then move on the second weekend, instead she came around every night just to spend time with Kerry. At work the pair played it very straight, so to speak, they told everyone about the holiday trip and the pampering they got but left out any details that could have drawn attention. Jo mentioned Tom’s pig headed attitude and the girls all felt for her and they totally missed the small glances that she made to Kerry during the day or the little touches when they passed in the corridor, almost everyone expect Bill that is.

Two weeks and Jo was almost living at Kerry’s place anyway but cleaning the flat took the whole weekend and by Sunday afternoon they had both collapsed onto the settee needing to rest.

“What say we order takeaway Thai and open a bottle of wine to celebrate your moving in” said Kerry hoping that she didn’t have to do any cooking. “Good idea, I’ll go Red Curry please” Jo said heading for the fridge to get the wine, “hang on, we still need to pick it up from the shop” said Kerry. Kerry called the “Thai rack” and ordered the food, it would be ready in just ten minutes.

“OK I’ll get it if you just tidy the lounge up” Kerry said heading out of the front door with her keys.

Fifteen minutes later and Kerry walked back in carrying two tubs of curry, rice and some custardy looking dessert. Jo had decorated the room with candles and put cushions over the floor near the heater, the lights had been turned off and the wine sat already poured into two glasses. On the coffee table sat a box covered with silver foiled paper and a large red ribbon on the top, Jo stood holding out a glass for Kerry.

“You did say celebrate didn’t you?” she said as Kerry put the food on the kitchen table and took the glass of wine from Jo.

“What’s the box all about?” Kerry said sitting on the floor “just a little something to say how I feel about you” said Jo and she held up her glass to tap on Kerry’s glass.

“Cheers here’s to good flat mates” and they both sipped the wine. Jo handed Kerry the box for her to unwrap making sure it was upright as it went onto the table, the box was bigger than the contents so Kerry cut the ribbon loose then peeled the tape off the paper. Inside was a plant, “It’s a happy plant” Jo said “because you always make me feel so happy to be around you and hopefully it will grow and not die.”

The next Wednesday at work, Sue suggested that it was time for a girls night out, dancing and a few drinks so after they had finished their after work drinks on Friday they piled into Sue’s Tarago and headed back to Kerry’s place to get ready. The three girls followed Kerry and Jo into the flat, they had all been there before but not since Jo had moved in and the painters had redone the patio and bathroom. Gwen and Rachael looked out of the windows towards the river admiring the view as Sue went to the toilet, on her return she noticed that the spare bedroom was just that, spare except for several boxes with packing tape to keep them sealed.

Jo poured a couple of glasses of wine and handed them out as Kerry went off and got changed into her dancing gear. It took a while but they all got changed and applied their makeup ready for the night out, Sue never said anything about the sleeping arrangement choosing to stay quiet. The Tarago still had a load of kids toys in the back but at least the seats had been cleaned since last time, Sue parked near to the club they had chosen then together they all walked in, five women ready for a good night out. They drank and danced, they got chatted up by Friday meat merchants, and settled down for a late dinner, then more dancing.

It was probably around ten thirty that the music had swapped to a couple of slow numbers when Jo and Kerry found themselves on the dance floor. Jo slipped her arms around Kerry’s waist and Kerry’s went around her shoulders, they just went on dancing but at the end Kerry bent down and lovingly but gently kissed Jo.

“Oh My God” said Gwen as she saw what had happened, Sue had seen but still kept quiet not wanting to say anything, “have we missed something girls?” she asked as the couple sat down again at the table. Kerry realized she had made a mistake and covered her mouth with her hands, Jo just sat there and smiled at Sue and Gwen.

“I think it would be a good idea to come back for coffee at our place” said Kerry in an attempt to contain the damage. Jo and Kerry walked arm in arm back to the car with Kerry whispering in her ear, “looks like we lasted only one week kiddo.” Jo smiled at her and squeezed her tighter, “just hold on I know these girls better than you do, trust them.”

The drive was slower than before or maybe the fear just made it seem slower in Kerry’s mind, Jo unlocked the door and Kerry turned on the table lights before letting the three girls in. The room was now getting cold so the air conditioner was turned on to heat the place up quickly while Kerry made drinks as the girls sat down and waited.

“Ok I have one thing to ask first, can you please promise me that whatever you hear in this place stays here?” Kerry said looking around at each woman sitting around the room. They agreed in unison, words like of course and what are friends for followed by the inevitable question from Sue “how long have you to been, what can I say, good friends?”

Jo took the bull by the horns “you girls have known me for nearly four years since I started working with you, you have seen my tempers and my bad behavior but you have never seen the hurting side of my life. Kerry has come along and she has shown me so much love and concern, I couldn’t help but love the attention from her. Remember the night out we all had and the fun of getting all dressed up, she made me feel so special that night. Well things just happened on our holidays and we both just felt the same, I don’t want to go on without living my life to the full and that means telling you that I love Kerry.”

The words hung in the air like giant balloons, too heavy to rise but so full of life they could not fall on the ground. Kerry held Jo’s hand, “and just in case you had any doubt, I feel the same way about Jo, this girl makes me feel so alive and safe” Kerry said as she put her arm around Jo.

Sue was the first one to speak after a few minutes, “you are right, we have seen all of your moods but never seen you quite as happy as you have been this last few weeks, I just thought it was the rest, now I know what has caused it.” Sue hugged Jo and told her “your secret is safe with me, they have no need to know anything at work” and Jo kissed her on the cheek “thanks Sue.”

The others said basically the same and told Kerry that she had better look after Jo, better than a little sister as they all would be watching. This was the first time that Kerry had felt anything but totally accepted by the group of woman from work, they were actually guarding the youngest member of the team.

Jo and Kerry sat back on the couch , Jo wrapped herself around Kerry’s arm and snuggled into her side, “guess we let the beans out of the bag sis” Jo said giggling like a child. The beans as they say had not only been let out but had been thrown all around the place, well at least at the three co-workers. It turned into a bit of a 'me also club' they all had friends that had female partners as if it made them each better people for knowing someone that dared to be different. As they left there were hugs and kisses along with promises to never tell the guys at work. This time ‘never’ actually meant never and they stuck to their promises.

Kerry and Jo closed the door and just stood there hugging each other, Jo had been right she did know them better than Kerry did. Climbing into bed that night felt like a weight had been lifted off them and the risk of being outed by the girls had vanished so they had increased the circle of safety for them both.

Saturday meant vegetable and meat shopping in Kerry’s house but that didn’t mean an early start, they lay in bed drinking the cups of tea that Kerry had made. Kerry thought back only two years, the scene was very similar, only her body had changed and the person in bed alongside her. The feelings of safety had returned into her life as well as a sense of being loved by another person.

Jo had a different set of thoughts going through her head as she put the cup down and rolled over towards Kerry. Her lips found the point in Kerry’s nighty where her nipple hid silently behind the cloth, waiting for the touch of Jo’s mouth to ignite the entire body, Kerry nearly dropped her cup as Jo gently bit her nipple into life. Thirty seconds later and they had both discarded their sleepwear and lay side by side in the bed looking onto each other's eyes. The gentle stroking and kissing went on as they took it in turns to tease the other into a state of excitement before stopping and changing tack, there was no need to hurry, they had nowhere to go that could not be put off until later in the day. Kissing gave way to more intimate contact and Jo held her breasts with both hands squeezing her nipples into two peaks as Kerry brought her fully to the point of orgasm, then again just to make sure. Jo was never quiet when this happened and the sounds of pleasure drove Kerry even wilder.

Jo lay there panting and holding her breasts as Kerry just held her close, the physical intensity was every bit as high as with anyone else but now she felt loved as well and that made all of the difference to Jo. Jo waited for a while before rolling onto her side propping herself up on one arm.

“I’m still learning with this so what would you like me to do to your body?” she asked Kerry. Kerry looked rather bashfully at her “what you did the first night please” Kerry said touching Jo’s face.

“No, tell me what you want me to do, beg” Jo said very cheekily “where would you like me to touch you and what do you want me to use?” Jo continued. Kerry was surprised how being made to form the words in her mind then make the sound increased the thought of pleasure, Jo pushed her down on the bed and made Kerry hold onto the railing above her pillows. Jo pulled a silk scarf out of her bedside drawers and tied her hands to the railing, firmly but securely stopping Kerry from moving her hands.

The tongue really was mightier than the sword and Jo knew how to use it to make Kerry squirm in the bed. Unable to move her hands Kerry was powerless to stop Jo as she explored her body slowly finding out what worked just for her, the little lump between her legs never said a thing but the tip was now plumbed into a whole new set of feelings for Kerry. As the dam burst Jo pulled the release end of the scarf and let Kerry free, Kerry pulled Jo up on top of her kissing her face and lips, the tears also burst out running down Kerry’s cheeks, the hot salty liquid that had been held in for so long. Entwined as one they lay there quietly holding onto the feelings that they had only recently found they could experience together.

The final frontier approaches, will Kerry go through with the last stage or will something stop her.
The last chapter sums up her life and hopes

K

Shopping had become ho-hum over the last few months as Kerry had limited time to shop, work and study so things had to be done at double speed. Today the shopping was a time to enjoy being out with each other as well as filing the pantry with all the things Jo liked to eat. The food was packed away before lunch then Jo asked about going over to one of the bigger centre’s for some new clothes that she needed, the fashion season was already changing and Jo always kept up with the latest styles.

Lunch was bypassed in favour of a late snack in the shops, Jo had changed into what she called her shopping clothes, easy on easy off, just the sort of thing for change rooms. They must have gone through ten stores before Kerry called timeout, “this must be a young person’s activity” she told Jo who had only bought one top so far.

Coffee and cake were polished off quickly then Jo was off again, of course Kerry didn’t just stand there waiting in the shops but her decision making process was much quicker, may have been residual male genes or something. Jo found a lovely dark blue two piece that absolutely had her name on it, or so she said, then a couple of silk shirts to go under.

“Now I think I need some new underwear to go with this” Jo said looking at Kerry almost asking for permission to spend her own money. “OK since you are so precious to me I’ll let you in on a secret, let’s go to my lingerie store” Kerry said heading back to the car parking area.

It took a good half hour to get to the store but Kerry parked her car and jokingly told Jo to behave herself inside the store, “Lisa is a nice person so don’t embarrass me please.” Lisa saw Kerry walking along the pavement and before the door opened she went around the counter to greet her.

“Look at you, you look fantastic” Lisa said almost ignoring Jo. They hugged like long lost friends before Kerry introduced Jo “Lisa, this is Jo she’s a friend from work and a very good friend” Lisa looked at Kerry then at Jo “that makes you special then Jo” and she held out her hand.

Jo walked around the store as Lisa and Kerry stood near the counter talking about what Kerry had been up to, Lisa had known Kerry for more than a year before others had even seen her. Lisa had helped Kerry find bits that looked nice and felt nice even if she had nothing to put in them, the nicest bra’s always made her feel so feminine.

Jo found the corsets at the back of the shop, but it was the camisole and pants that she found so enticing, the feel of real silk embroidered with little white flowers and dark blue birds on the light blue silk. She chose a couple of pairs then moved to the baby dolls, here she found a pair that read “Precious” in sequins and chose her size then returned and chose a pair in Kerry’s size as well.

“Very nice pair of baby dolls, Jo” said Lisa as she took them off the hanger and folded them up, “you have picked up the wrong size should I swap them for you?” Lisa asked Jo.

“Not unless you know Kerry’s size better than me dear” Jo shot back with a forced smile on her face.

“I could say that I have dressed her more than anyone else has but that would be telling” replied Lisa.

“Girls, behave or I will shop in Target for my cotton tops” said Kerry slapping Jo on the arm and staring at Lisa. Jo had bought a couple of nice sets and the baby dolls but still paid less than eighty dollars, “good prices, you should come here next time you need to buy some bits” Kerry said after looking at the docket.

“Bye dear and don’t forget where I live” Lisa said, air kissing Kerry as she turned to leave.

Kerry unlocked the car and let Jo climb in before she spoke “why did Lisa get under your skin so much, she has been so good to me?” Jo sat there fuming causing her face to go red as she held her breath, “come on talk to me before you throw a paddy” said Kerry.

“Since when have I become a work mate?” Jo said misquoting Kerry’s words “and what gives her the right to be so friendly with you?” Kerry looked at Jo sitting there getting redder.

“I am so touched at your mood, this has to be jealousy” Kerry said “says who?” replied Jo grabbing furiously at her seat belt. “Says my experience precious one, or should I wait till we get home to use that phrase?” Kerry said starting the car and pulling away from the curb.

It took all of fifteen minutes to get back to the unit and park the car in the bay, most of it spent in silence until the front door was closed. Jo threw the bags on the lounge and turned to Kerry, “OK tell me off or tell me that she means nothing to you” Jo said folding her arms in defiance. Kerry held her elbows and forced her to sit down while still looking into her eyes.

“She means nothing to me and never has been anymore than just a very helpful sales person, remember buying lingerie as a guy takes either guts or good help.”

“Are you sure that’s all?” said Jo starting to calm down a little, “yes, and she must see many men in lacy lingerie everyday” Kerry joked.

“Sorry, something just snapped in me, it felt like I was being robbed of you” Said Jo “do I need to apologize to Lisa?”

“Wouldn’t hurt but we can do that tomorrow, I forgot to get something for myself” Kerry said ready to make a drink.

“Hang on, I bought you something special” Jo said handing Kerry the pair of baby dolls.

“So is that our word for each other, ‘precious’ sounds right by me” Kerry held the top against her and Jo smiled “I think it has to be cos that’s how you make me feel all the time.”

Saturday night came around and they had nowhere to go, they sat on the lounge watching TV and painting their nails and toes, matching colours of course. Kerry saw Jo’s toe ring “that looks so good, doesn’t it get in the way or hurt?” Kerry asked. “Not unless it gets squashed flat, you should get one it looks so cool with sandals and painted toes” Jo said finishing her toes.

“I could do with some new shoes so how about tomorrow we go and get one?” asked Kerry “wow, my sister gets modern looking, wonders never cease” Jo said to Kerry’s surprise.

“What do you mean, I thought I looked good, are you telling me that I need a makeover in the fashion stakes?” Kerry asked.

“Look, you haven’t had the benefit of many years of being female to help you dress” Jo said “no, that’s wrong, let me just say that I could do so much if you let me help you shop for new clothes.” Kerry could have been very hurt but instead she was jumping for joy, she had always wanted to have a fashion advisor to help her with style and makeup but nobody had offered and now she had Jo.

Sunday was going to be a long day in the city, Jo told her about the latest fashion styles and how she needed to update her wardrobe, Kerry thought that it was all nearly new and why throw out something that wasn’t worn out but Jo convinced her otherwise. By bedtime they had agreed on where to shop, Kerry was told to simply bring her credit card and open mind, Jo would do the rest. Sitting in bed with matching nighties drinking hot chocolate the threat of Lisa had vanished as far as Jo was concerned however Kerry was not so sure anymore, had she missed something in the way Lisa treated her.

Sunday breakfast was the usual for Kerry, yoghurt and fruit followed by tea, Jo on the other hand ate like a person on death row - heartily. They took their time getting ready as the shops didn’t open till late in the morning then drove into the city to make sure they had plenty of range to choose from and the better prices. Jo had a couple of shops in mind and hence they became the first port of call in their trip, the younger shops that Kerry had avoided mainly because of her fear of being caught out by young girls who had the reputation of being cunning and cruel when it came to t-girls.

The shops had a good range of spring clothes already and Jo had to focus to stop herself from shopping, this was all about Kerry she kept saying in her mind. A few clothes at each store then some new jeans or two, the latest fashion was higher cut and the exposed cheeks look had finished according to the States, where fashion was created not followed. Kerry tried on everything that Jo brought to her but the choice to buy was still hers, when Kerry came out to show Jo an outfit it was normally both of them agreeing rather than just one liking it.

“Lets get you some new shoes for those jeans, and some heels that can show off your legs more” said Jo turning into a store that had more space than shoes, a sure sign of high price thought Kerry.

It was close to four before they finally sat down for drinks and a quick bite to eat, “I think we have done everything” said Jo. “Not quite everything, there’s still the Lisa matter” said Kerry looking at Jo’s face to gauge the reaction “oh, I forgot about her” lied Jo. Kerry pushed the point and Jo finally agreed that she should do the right thing by Kerry and apologize to Lisa after all it was her problem not Lisa’s.

Kerry drove to the lingerie shop and parked right out front, Lisa always closed at the last minute and never before, Lisa was still serving as they walked in. This time the response was more subdued from Lisa possibly sensing that Jo may have been a little put out.

“Hi, back so soon did you forget something” Lisa asked Kerry “not really” answered Jo “I need to apologize to you about how I reacted yesterday towards you. I was slightly defensive towards Kerry and I had no reason to be so bitchy, so can you forgive me and let me start again?” Jo asked Lisa.

Lisa looked at Kerry then back to Jo “I gathered something had upset you when you left the shop yesterday, was it something I said to you?”

“Not so much what you said but how I thought you looked at Kerry” Jo replied, Kerry interrupted her “Lisa, Jo has just moved in with me and she had no idea how much you helped me over the year.”

“Well she had better look after you or I will volunteer for the job” said Lisa emphasizing the word will. Jo looked at her ready to pounce “just joking Jo, relax I am happily married” Lisa said holding out her left hand and showing her ring finger.

“This is a bit of a change isn’t it dear?” Lisa asked Kerry “not really, Jo has known both sides of me for at least two years and is kinda special to me, OK I really do love her and she is so cute as well” Kerry said holding Jo’s hand. Jo blushed, this was the second time they had openly declared their love for each other this weekend but Jo still found it hard to understand how others would react.

Monday was another day and back at work the new work clothes drew several comments from both the girls and some of the guys in the office, Bill being one of them.

“Looks like Jo is having an impact on your clothing choice as well” said Bill as they stood in the kitchen getting their coffee mugs refilled, “as well as what?” asked Kerry. Bill made sure no one else was in the corridor nearby, “let me just say that I’ve noticed a few funny looks and touches between you two since you came back from holidays and Jo has moved into your place, so that’s all I need to know.”

Kerry was both shocked that Bill had noticed and relieved that he was saying nothing else “I could kiss you for being so sweet boss” Kerry said touching his arm. Jo walked in just as Kerry moved her hand “it’s OK Jo, Bill knows about us and that’s all he has to say about it” Kerry said sounding more like Forrest Gump.

“We promise to keep it professional in the office, Bill” said Jo, “I have seen too much this last year to make me get concerned about a little bit of touching, just don’t let me see anything else, please!” he said and left the room. Quietly but firmly Bill had set the boundary lines for Jo and Kerry while at work, Kerry knew she had special privileges from Bill and appreciated every one of them.

Semester two started and it was full on with work and study, until the October long weekend break came up for discussion. Sue suggested that her and Gwen wanted to have a few days away from the kids and wondered if Jo and Kerry wanted to go to the farm they had raved over so much. A quick phone call and they had two chalet’s set aside for them starting Thursday night until Monday morning, “four nights without kids” cheered Sue. Bill had approved the extra day off since the entire team had been working so hard, the husbands agreed as the footy grand final meant they would be watching the TV most of the Saturday and hopefully partying into the night if their team won, kids could look after themselves with the console games.

Sue offered to drive down there after work in the Tarago but Jo preferred to use two cars in case they wanted to split up during the weekend. Straight after work the two cars headed off, it would be three and a half hours of solid driving or four if they stopped for dinner, which they decided to do about half way there. Anne had made the fires and turned down the beds by the time they arrived, chocolates, wine and fruit sitting in two baskets for the girls along with a couple of discount vouchers for a “Pampering session” at the beauty spa.

Jo led the way into the farm and parked the cars near the kitchen back door, Anne had already seen the lights turn into the driveway and came out to meet them all. Anne hugged Jo and Kerry and seemed very different to the Anne they had met just three months earlier, slightly plumper but much happier. They filed into the kitchen and Anne offered them hot drinks after the long drive, as they sat drinking them Anne spoke to Kerry patting her stomach.

“Guess what?” she said smiling, “remember the night I came home after the beauty spa and we went out for supper, well I got more than I bargained for” Anne’s smile not diminishing in any way. Kerry hugged her and touched her belly.

“I am so jealous of you Anne, congratulations” Kerry said, Jo had overheard what she said and likewise she did the same but the hurt that she felt was only just hidden below the surface. Anne gave them keys and told them they would catch-up during the stay sometime, then left them to finish their drinks while she went off to bed. They moved the car next to the two chalets then unpacked their cases, the rooms were nicely warmed and a connecting door had been left unlocked to allow them to go from room to room.

“Better knock before you come barging in here girls” Jo said to Sue “too much information Jo” Gwen said after hearing what she had said. Gwen and Sue had been given two single beds but everything else was the same, the spa and bathrobes were just like Jo had described, the fire had been loaded with extra logs as they had all night to burn.

It was seven when Sue woke up and Gwen woke slightly after her, for them it was a sleep in but for Jo and Kerry it was still early morning and time to sleep. Breakfast was at eight so the two early risers were dressed and ready to eat in plenty of time so they ate alone talking with Anne over the plate of food that neither of them ever got unless it was mother’s day.

“Kerry tells me that you girls all work together, that must be fun” Anne said making small talk “with Jo around there is always fun and with Kerry we never know what she’s going to pull out of the bag to keep us guessing” Gwen said not really thinking that it could be taken any other way.

“Yes they do seem like friendly girls to me” Anne said quite innocently “that’s one way of putting it” giggled Sue “and more so lately.” Gwen kicked Sue under the table, just enough to let her know that was not fair but loud enough for Anne to hear it. They had finished their large breakfast when Jo walked into the kitchen.

“Usual plate full dear?” asked Anne as Jo sat down near the other two. “Yes please Anne, but light on the beans please, I don’t want to scare my work mates” Jo said, yawning as she got her first mug of tea from Anne.

“Told you two that this was better than being at home, I don’t have to do anything around here do I Anne?” Jo told them as Anne placed the plate in front of her. “Not unless the dishwasher breaks down or you feel like feeding the sheep again” Anne laughed “and if you intend on doing that again I’ll get the camera ready.” Jo had just finished describing the fun they had last visit when Kerry walked into the kitchen “good morning dear, usual for you?” Anne asked her.

Friday was a day for site seeing so Sue and Gwen wanted to do the fudge factory and the main street while Jo and Kerry just wanted to explore the art stores in town, they met back up at a small café for lunch.

“Why didn’t you tell us about John’s wandering hand problem, now I need to get my jeans cleaned” Sue said as the waiter came to take orders.

“Don’t tell me, you just had to try the fudge factory and met old desert fever John” the waiter said smiling at them, Sue’s face said more than her mouth.

“Luckily he’s fairly tame, a touch here and there never hurt anyone, some actually love being chatted up for once” said the waiter leaving them with menus and returning to the front to serve other people that had just entered.

“If I wanted to be touched up then I would at least have chosen someone much younger” Sue said craning her neck to see the waiter as he walked away. “How many kids do you have Sue?” asked Gwen “who’s talking kids I was just window shopping, can’t hurt can it?” Sue joked. They ordered lunch and drinks then sat around talking for a good hour, the waiter making sure they had ample chance to re-order drinks. The afternoon sun had a bite in it and the talk of a spa sounded so inviting they decided to head back after picking up some wine and cheeses from one of the local wineries.

The spa in Jo’s room was large enough for four people so they agreed that they could all get in without trouble, Kerry wasn’t actually told about the decision until Gwen and Sue knocked on the adjoining door to come in. If it had been only her and Jo then the pants would have been long gone but Sue and Gwen made it all different for her. Jo was her normal extrovert self, everything off and into the water, Sue and Gwen a little slower but the same basic end result. Kerry walked into the bathroom with her bathrobe around her body.

“Sorry but this is just too weird for me, the guys at work would be creaming themselves if they knew” Kerry said dropping the robe but keeping her pants on. Four girls sitting in a spa, or should that be three and three quarters, Kerry had another three months of RLT to go through before being certified for her SRS.

“When I came to work with you guys this was not an image that I ever dreamt of even in my wildest dreams” Kerry said lifting up her glass to toast.

“Well, when we first met you it wasn’t that obvious what you looked like underneath, love” said Sue in a cockney twang.

“And we had no plans of hopping into a spa with you either” said Gwen “so don’t feel too bad about us.” The glasses clicked and they all toasted “here’s to our long weekend” said Jo.

Gwen and Sue had gone back to their own room when Kerry finally got time to talk with Jo, “are you OK after hearing about Anne’s little surprise?” Jo looked at her, then at the bed then finally at Kerry, “not really but I have learnt to just hide what I feel and get on with it, why cry over something that may never change” Jo said.

“Is there no way that you can have a child, what about adoption or foster parents?” asked Kerry not really thinking about what she was saying.

“I have enquired about adopting but they have so few children and so many real couples that a single mother is not going to get a look in. The other problem is that I can’t really afford to support myself and a child to any great degree, sort of weighted against me isn’t it?” Jo replied feeling rather despondent at the end.

“I suppose so, unless they would look at two of us, there again what sort of parents would we make, 1.75 women and 25% of a man, great role models” Kerry laughed.

“Would you actually do that for me, our combined wage is good but individually it doesn’t add up to that much does it?” Jo asked not sure what Kerry was earning.

“Bill always tells us not to discuss our salaries but since you live with me I guess that makes you almost family, my salary is based on base plus commission for sales and that adds up to around $100k per year and you must be on nearly that” Kerry said waiting for Jo to confirm what she said.

Jo coughed as she heard what Kerry was on “you have to be joking, the other girls are on just over half of that rate, didn’t you get the same rate as a consultant?” Jo said.

“Not really, I got far more but I thought we all had the same base rate and hourly bonus” Kerry said understanding that Bill had at least two pay scales, males on one rate and females on the other. Jo was slightly annoyed but Kerry stopped her from going into Sue and Gwen’s room to tell them “it wouldn’t do any good for the others to know either” Kerry told her.

The discussion of adopting had been pushed aside and didn’t come back while they were away on holiday but it did come back one night as they sat watching a local TV show. Children being left at hospitals or church door steps, not overseas but right here in Australia, the mother never being heard from despite offers of help. Jo sat there crying silently as the report rolled around the country looking at the cost to the community and the need for solutions that allow parents to keep their children.

Kerry glanced over at Jo just in time to see her tears being wiped away, Kerry sat next to Jo and put that protective arm around her again. The sobs started and so did the tears, they flowed for many minutes as Jo emptied her emotions out like Kerry had never seen her do.

“I can’t even imagine what you are going through precious one, at least I have had my kids” Kerry said still wondering if anything could be done for Jo. Talking was hard afterwards since Jo had taken the report so hard, it had tapped right into her main hurt at not being able to get pregnant or even adopt.

“Is there anything we can do to adopt a child?” Kerry asked “you don’t really mean that do you?” Jo asked still looking down at her hands. Kerry thought about it for awhile, she had three adult kids and even a grandchild but she could see the pain that Jo was going through and she would do anything to make her happy.

“Lets talk to someone about the options, there has to be something we can do” Kerry said not really hopeful given her age and gender issue not to mention living with Jo for only a few months. Jo wrapped her arms around Kerry and hugged her tightly “for you I would do anything” Kerry said holding her head and looking onto her eyes.

Truth is that the number of adopted children each year is so small mainly due to the large number of abortions performed; this one fact hurt every infertile couple every time they got rejected. Even when a mother had decided to put their child up for adoption a third of them changed their minds after the birth of the child but before they handed the baby to the new couple. Couples that decided to adopt for whatever reason went through so much investigation and emotional cost while young kids were popping out babies just to get the $5,000 government baby bonus not really interested in bringing the child up correctly and leaving them with relatives after a short while.

The injustice was felt by Kerry and Jo but apart from overseas adoption the chance of adopting an Australian child was so small it was not worth putting any hope in it. Adoption agencies overseas had been tightened up as children for cash schemes got blocked by governments around the globe unless you happened to be a high profile actress that would bring lots of money with her to buy a baby then fly out of the country in her personal jet. Neither Jo nor Kerry had a personal jet let alone the amount of money that it would take to buy such a child if one could be found.

There was one life line in all of these discussions with the departments, the option to short term foster an older child may be possible. Jo had wanted a baby to keep but this may be an acceptable option she thought to herself, second best well not even second if the time was very short. Kerry had some idea of the grief it could cause them and let Jo know exactly what it could cost her emotionally having to give a child back after a year of bonding and caring for them. Back to parents that may have originally lost their child due to harm or drugs or lack of living facilities, back to parents that may not even keep them long term.

“I understand the cost but the cost of not trying is just as high to me” Jo stated letting Kerry know again that it was her hurt.

University exams came around at the end of the year and Kerry buried herself in the study each night trying to finish papers and cram for the exams. The entire course would be two years of part time studies at the rate Kerry was getting through them, it added onto her other qualifications so didn’t need all of the basic modules. Exams finished before the Christmas break and all books got put away for a good three months, uni students spent the time making money to get through the year or doing practical work as part of the courses but Kerry just needed a rest.

The RLT was now over twelve months and her psych, Anne, was ready to give her the clear light to proceed but Kerry had stalled when asked the last question.

“When would you like to make the final step?” Anne asked her only to see Kerry freeze and look suddenly very uncertain of where she was going. For nearly two years Anne had never seen so much as a doubt or wrong answer from Kerry, her focus had been so tight and her confidence had amazed Anne. Somehow the single word had caused a rush of thoughts that Kerry had not allowed to come to the surface at anytime during their sessions and now Anne could see something she had missed.

“Kerry, do you really want to have the op, you could just stay as you are?” Anne tried to tell her but Kerry was away with the fairies as they say. Her mind was doing laps between losing her manhood and never being able to father children again, the futility was that Paul had had a vasectomy twenty years ago let alone the complete testicle removal twelve months ago. The impact of giving the last approval to ridding the problem was no longer a simple matter, Kerry had no understanding of why she felt that way but she did.

“I need to talk this through with Jo can I come back next week?” Kerry asked Anne then quickly left the practice.

That night Jo sat and listened as Kerry tried to unpack her thoughts, none of them made any sense to Jo, they included making children, making mistakes, losing her nerve, but nothing that Jo could put a point to.

“One thing for certain, I don’t want to stay as I am” Kerry said, “the two options are backwards to Paul or forwards to total Kerry.” Jo was being very sensitive with Kerry “do you want to go back to being a male?” Jo asked, no response “do you want to become a medically certified woman then?”

Kerry looked at Jo with a frown on her face “if I stayed as Paul then we may get a child by adoption, you would love that wouldn’t you?” Kerry asked then waited for Jo to answer.

“So that’s what all this is about, you would give up being Kerry just for me to adopt” Jo said not expecting Kerry to answer, she had finally put a finger on the issue. Kerry looked at her with tears in her eyes “is that what you want precious one?” Jo held her hands as the tears flowed down both of their faces, for Jo it was a sign of the love Kerry had for her, for Kerry it a fear of missing out on her goal but still wanting to care for Jo.

“I could not live with Paul, he was so grumpy at times I would rather have Kerry any day” Jo said “and I know that means that kids may never come but I said when we started all this that if I had to look back on my life and had missed out on your love then I would be worse off.” It took a while for them to stop crying and hugging but eventually Jo said “OK when do we want this op?” Kerry’s smile starting to appear again.

Booking an operation in Thailand could be two to four weeks but recent news reports had made Kerry nervous about the quality of hospital procedures overseas even if the cost was significantly lower.

“I think we should look at other places before making a decision” Jo said “it’s not as if you are short of a few bob is it?” The next day Kerry made a call to Anne.

“All sorted now so I won’t need an appointment next week,” “not so fast Kerry, I need to go back a few steps so see you on Friday” Anne told her, this was not a request since Kerry had shown some real doubts and the forms had not been signed yet. Friday was a long day for Kerry, the appointment was after work and Jo had offered to come along with her, normally Anne would not have allowed it but at this stage of Kerry’s RLT she wanted to make sure everything was covered. Anne let them into her room and sat around the small coffee table as Kerry explained what it was all about, Jo put in her own observations and Anne asked several open questions to make sure she understood. Anne summarized what she had heard.

“This is all because you can’t get pregnant Jo and Kerry wants to protect you from hurt, is that right?” Both Jo and Kerry nodded “then the only problem is to find you two a child, I’ll sign the release for your surgery” Anne said.

Christmas was only two weeks away and they had drawn the short straws to cover the helpdesk while everyone else had a break, actually they had traded the break for an extra few days in Fiji when the trip came around. Searching for SRS surgeons in Australia wasn’t hard but getting references on them was proving harder than they had expected. By far the majority of people preferred Thailand without any real problems as long as you chose one of the three best guys, the price between $10,000 and $20,000 depending on depth, sensitivity and finish. Several offered great websites but no positive references could be found so it was back to the drawing board until next year.

The company phone system was VOIP so Bill had the phones set to be directed to the two laptop phones during certain support hours only and the company went on annual shutdown while the two girls covered for them. Christmas day was going to be just Kerry and Jo with the kids coming over after having dinner with Janet, not quite the family affair they wanted but things would get better. Jo got on well with Kerry’s children probably due to being closer to their age, the question of her living with their father who was becoming a woman didn’t seem worth getting into. It was an emotional time for everyone and even Janet spent time talking to Kerry on the phone rather than dropping in, the fact that Jo had moved in was a major blow to her sense of well being and she had not talked with Kerry for the last five months.

Gwen and Sue had planned a New Years eve party for their families and friends so Jo and Kerry got invited along, “just bring a plate or two and whatever you want to drink” said Sue over the phone. Swimming was available for those prepared to show off their bodies and the kids would spend at least five hours in the pool.

“Taking your bikini?” Jo asked, Kerry had not been swimming in the bikini due to the amount of bump she felt gave her away. “With my figure, you have to be joking” said Kerry. Jo threw something at her “oh please, give me a break.

Since moving in Jo had adopted a better diet habit thanks to the stricter diet and exercise regime that Kerry followed and had lost a good four kilo’s in the five months but still felt like her figure was fuller than she would like. Kerry had already been thinking about summer and had planned a wrap around sarong with some very short shorts and her bikini underneath but no swimming at this stage. Jo had both one and two piece bathers but would probably go with her feelings on the day as the temperature would be around 35C during the day and still 20+ at midnight. Mid afternoon and they had finished preparing dinner and nibbles, bought the wine and drinks and packed the car ready to go to Sue’s place.

There were around twenty people at the party before Kerry and Jo got there, most of them being family members for Sue and Gwen, a couple of others had come from work and some neighbors had come over. Only a few of the people had any inkling that Kerry was ever anything other than what she presented as, the mood was light and the kids did spend most of the night in the pool. At midnight Kerry had to suffer the obligatory kisses from everyone at the party including the people she had not even spoken to.

Kerry joked with Jo “I could get them back by whispering in their ears that I’m really a man” Jo looked at her “you could but why mess with their heads.”

“So what new year’s resolutions are you going to make?” Jo asked Kerry as they sat finishing their drinks “to be the best woman I can be and forget about the cost, what about you?” Jo had to think about her wish for the new year, she really wanted a baby and recent discussions had not made it any easier for her either emotionally or practically.

“I want to be a parent by the end of the year” Jo said looking into Kerry’s eyes. Kerry thought that her wish was going to be easier to stick to than Jo’s, the prognosis for adoption was very grim.

Work was slow during the break period and with reduced time they got all of the support work done without calling on Bill for help. They had time to talk about so many things and even planned some changes to the unit, the patio had been rebuilt with café blinds to enclose the entire area. One part of the patio had been left with just cement base for a table or outdoor oven but they had no plans so it was left empty.

Kerry suggested that a spa could be installed very easily so off they went to find one, it turned out to be just a matter of choosing the size and cost then it would be delivered over the back fence. The spa they chose was cedar lined with all of the pumps and pipes enclosed with just a single power point for easy placement, it came with the usual chemicals and solid cover to keep the heat in and built in lights and wine glass holders. With Christmas specials and a bit of negotiating it came in at just over $5,000 it fitted well into their budget and was installed, filled and working within five days.

“Let’s throw a party before you go in for surgery” said Jo “you can invite anyone that has helped you get this far as a way of thanking them.”

Kerry looked at her “we haven’t even chosen a surgeon yet let alone a date” Kerry said trying to remember where she had left the decision last year.

Somehow the whole SRS had become a bit of a non issue since Jo had moved in, her life had become quieter and safer and less focused on making the final change. Kerry thought about the “final frontier” the “quantum leap” or whatever else she could call it before speaking. “I guess I need to make some decisions don’t I?”

Jo had thought that Kerry had made her decision at Anne’s practice before Christmas but now she saw another crack in Kerry’s resolve.

“I think we need to talk about this again” said Jo, not sure what was going on in Kerry’s head, the body had made the jump but the mind had been lost in hyper space. Jo made a couple of drinks and sat down waiting for Kerry to come out onto the patio, Kerry was wearing her favorite sarong and bikini which only emphasized her body shape.

“Don’t look at me like that Jo” Kerry said picking up her drink “I must be having too many girl hormones I can’t seem to make a decision.” Jo laughed at the comment, Kerry was always very focused on her goal list that had hung in the home-office work area of the unit, it listed each stage of the project and almost at the bottom was SRS and it had not been crossed off or a date set to it. Almost like the Holy Grail it had been a target for Kerry but one that no longer had the drive in it, she had transitioned at work, her life was going good and everything seemed fine so why mess with it?

“The surgery will make you complete as a woman, isn’t that what you wanted from the start?” Jo asked her trying to pull Kerry out of her thoughts.

“Actually the option was to live as a woman and be accepted as one, and I seem to have reached that point already” Kerry said sliding back into the chair.

“OK cards on table time, why wouldn’t you do it, then why should you do it” Jo prompted Kerry, “then we see which side wins."

Kerry listed the pro’s and con’s for the argument then had to sit back, she had made no firm decision or any points that stood out as deal breakers. Jo was confused by the change in Kerry’s mind and could only sit there and wait for her to give more answers, it made no difference to her love of Kerry. It was this point that made the most impact on Kerry, their love seemed unrelated to what was between her legs, it was her heart and soul that touched Jo so deeply and vice versa. After about thirty minutes the discussion had gone nowhere as far as Jo could see but Kerry finally said “Dr A and in one month's time.”

“Hang on, where did that come from you were just saying there was no need for surgery and now you want it straight away” Jo said shaking her head. Kerry told her about how peaceful her life had become and that had clouded the issue but she could see that the SRS was another step to being fully the woman she had seen in the mirror years before.

By the middle of the month the date had been booked and Bill had given Kerry permission for extended leave for the two months, some of which would be work from home. February was always a slow month for sales and March dragged so Kerry would be covered by the other sales person.

The party was planned for Australia Day, 26th January, a public holiday and with temperatures in the high thirties the spa could be used all day and night. Jo and Kerry made a list of those that had impacted on her life, Lisa, Jill, Renee, Bill, the girls from the office, some family and friends from before that had maintained the connection through all of the transition. It would be a small affair and although Janet was invited Kerry knew that she would not attend given Jo’s presence.

Kerry booked a catering firm for the evening and had the back fence taken down to allow everyone to have a clear view of the fireworks. The strata property stretched a further ten metres past the fence line, a fact that became apparent when she had purchased the two units next door and the bank had done a property review. Guests arrived during the afternoon and sat around drinking or walked down to the river, some climbed into the spa or lay on the grass beyond the fence line. Around seven thirty Jo called them to all come inside or closer to where she stood.

“We just wanted to thank you for coming around and celebrating the day with us, not only is it a great national day but also the end of a stage in Kerry’s life. As most of you know it has not been an easy process to get to this point and Kerry wanted to thank you all for your help so here she is.”

Kerry stepped forward to the clapping of her friends “If I start to cry it’s because of all the hormones and not being soft or weak or girly like.” They laughed and at least one person said “sure we believe you” Kerry looked up at each one of them standing there with drinks in their hands to celebrate her next step.

“You guys have been so caring towards me I can’t start to let you know how much you have done to my esteem and emotional stability. Anne, you have been keeping close check on me for at least a year and know what each one of these people has done to help me get here, Lisa, you have helped me without knowing where I was going and Renee, you have helped me stay in clothes that feel great and look fantastic even when my body was not built right. Gwen, Sue and Rachael, you girls accepted me into the inner sanctum at work, the girls toilets, you took me out dancing and eating, to the theatre and even into your own homes, thanks. My family and friends that are here have been alongside me every step even when they had no idea where I was going to end up, thank you for staying close to me. Bill, what can I say about you that won’t get me fired, the first day you saw me as Kerry I had to scrape your tongue back into your head and hand feed you at dinner. You have been the best boss and trusted me with so much and given me far more grace than I ever expected thank you so much.”

Kerry turned around to find Jo’s hand and dragged her forward next to her, “precious one, you once said that to live life without living it to the fullest extent was a crime and you have certainly helped me to live this part of my life to the fullest. Jo has been like a little sister to me, she prompted me onwards whenever I stalled and stopped me when I wanted to run faster, she has held me when I have cried and cried with me when I have had nothing more to give. Jo, diamonds are formed from lumps of coal being put under extreme pressure and heat, living with me has only added to your beauty as a diamond in the making, you are truly precious to me.”

Kerry reached into her pocket and pulled out a small ring box, inside was a diamond ring with several sapphires around the central diamond, the yellow gold band glistening under the lights. Kerry took out the ring and lifted Jo’s hand “Jo, I love you more than anything else in the world and before our friends I declare my love for you” she pushed the ring onto Jo’s left hand ring finger that had been empty for so long. Jo was standing there stunned by what Kerry had just done she looked down at the ring and then at Kerry, they kissed as the guests clapped and whistled.

Kerry stopped and let Jo adjust her eyes before continuing, “next week I go into hospital to have the final stage of my transition, it will hurt and to some degree it will hurt emotionally but what makes it all worth doing is the knowledge that you guys are here when I get back. I promise that there will be no scary show and tell evenings or photos of anything other than scenic shots from Thailand and the hotel room. You have all helped me become the woman that you now accept as Kerry and that is the greatest gift you can give anyone, to allow them to become who they really are, thank you.”

Kerry spent the next hour just hugging people and getting plenty of hugs back, Jo kept showing off her ring and making sure the guests were looked after but it was Kerry that got to celebrate the process of becoming who she was.

I hope you have enjoyed my alternative release, please let me know what you feel.

Kerry